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All right, so welcome to Dating 101.

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This is where we talk about all things dating.

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I know that I've already released you

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into your date challenge and some of you are like,

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I cannot do that without some more information.

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Well, tonight is where you're going

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to get that more information.

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So for all of you that really don't know how to date,

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you've never had a date, you never wanted to date, right?

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You never wanted to date.

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You're like, I just want to meet the person.

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I don't want to date.

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I get you, I feel you, and we're going to reframe

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and recalibrate you tonight in all those areas.

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So the very first thing we want to do is pray.

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Father God, I just thank you for your daughters

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and thank you for this time in their lives.

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I thank you that this is their last year single.

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We just call to the North, South, East, and West right now.

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Father, we just call to those winds to blow, Lord.

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We're thanking you, Lord,

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that you are blowing things into place

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for each and every one of your daughters.

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Thank you, Jesus.

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We thank you, Lord,

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that you have sent out your angelic messengers.

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You have sent out the angels to undergird these love stories

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to cause there to be divine appointments

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and divine intersections, divine connections,

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that each and every one of your daughters

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that are represented here are watching in replay

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that they are having people talk about them in a good way.

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People, they're coming to their remembrance in a good way,

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that they met them once,

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and, hey, you should meet my cousin's friend

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or my brother's roommate needs to meet this girl

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that I used to work with.

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Whatever it is, just all of a sudden,

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people are thinking of you when they are talking

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to their single friends and community.

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And so, Lord, we thank you for these love stories

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that you've already written.

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We thank you that you are more than able

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to bring them to pass.

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In Jesus' name, amen.

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All right, very exciting.

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So I got, you guys know that I get tons of love stories,

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and I'm about to post one that's super fun.

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So this woman is what, she's one of my students,

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she's one of my clients,

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and she came and she did the same type of work

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that you're doing now.

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And when she came in, you know, she had a former,

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she had several former boyfriends.

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A lot of you have had relationships in the past

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and relationships that you never see

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probably coming full circle, and that's fine.

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And so she had a relationship like that in the past,

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not something that she was ever thinking about

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coming full circle.

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But when she started working with me,

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this person started kind of resurfacing

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as a potential in her life.

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And guess who he is?

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They're married now.

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They just got married, and I got the blessed news.

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But he was her mailman, y'all.

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That's what I want to tell you.

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He was her mailman.

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And so I know that I say God's not gonna Amazon Prime

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your husband to your front door,

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but he might snail mail him to your front door.

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It's possible.

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He could be the prime delivery man,

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he could be the UPS man or the FedEx man,

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or just the regular USPS man.

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It's true.

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It could happen.

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You heard it here, all right?

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You all know that I married my neighbor,

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so we're not gonna count out the local mailman for sure.

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All right?

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So fun.

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So, so, so fun.

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So raise your hand if you hate dating.

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La, la, la, la, la.

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Raise your hand if you hope you never, ever, ever, ever,

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ever have to date,

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like go through a whole bunch of dating again.

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All right.

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But okay, put all your hands down.

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Lots of little hands up.

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Lots of little yellow avatar hands.

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But raise your hand if you're also willing

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to be made willing to do whatever you need to do

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to partner with God for your love story.

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You're confessing in here once again.

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I am willing.

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Okay.

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Good stuff.

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Lots of people.

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Almost all of you, not quite all of you.

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Hopefully some of you misunderstood the question.

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Willing to be made willing.

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Here's another question.

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This came to my spirit just now.

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Everyone put your hands down.

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Be honest.

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How many of you think,

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think that God told you

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that you wouldn't have to date?

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Anybody?

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God told you he's just gonna bring your husband.

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You're just gonna know, you're not gonna have to date.

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Obviously, you're gonna get to know the person,

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but you're not gonna have to go through that whole process.

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Anybody?

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Okay.

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No one is raising their hand for that

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because they're either scared of me

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or there just isn't anyone in this class that thinks that.

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Oh, good.

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Okay, wait, I'm seeing the chat.

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You guys, I'm on my iPad,

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so I can't see everything at one time like I normally can.

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I'm gonna try to...

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Not God, but people have told me that.

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All right.

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People have told me that, yes.

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And sometimes we'll go,

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for those of you that are revival stream,

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charismatic Christians,

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you're in the type of spiritual communities

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where people come and they give you words from the Lord.

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They come and they give you prophetic words about things.

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You might be in a prayer line,

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you might get a prophetic word

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and someone might say,

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hey, I see your husband coming

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or I see a wedding ring on your finger.

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Or they say things like, hey, are you single?

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Yeah, I'm single.

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And then they'll say something like,

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God's telling me to tell you

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that you're just gonna know your husband when you see him

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and you're not gonna, right?

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Am I right?

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Come on.

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In fact, let's just go ahead

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and put all the things that you've ever been told

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in a spiritual context,

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whether you think God told you it

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or someone else told you it from God.

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I wanna see that in the chat right now.

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Put it up, all the stuff, y'all.

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Everyone should have at least one thing.

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Let's clean house.

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Let's clean the house.

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Come on, let's put it all up.

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Let's sweep out the rooms right now.

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It's too much pressure.

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Your husband will come this year.

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And Lizzie, when was that that you heard that?

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Was it a couple of years ago or was it this year?

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I'll meet my spouse.

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This is your season.

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Lots of season stuff.

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God has someone particular for you

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because if you're calling,

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it will come after a tough system.

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Last year, oh, last year is when they said that.

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A man from church that he saw my husband

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would be in law enforcement.

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Okay, God's preparing something amazing for you.

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He's preparing the man before you meet him.

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It isn't time for you yet.

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Singleness is a gift.

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All right, keep coming.

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God said, I'd be married again.

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Also that Brian would show me what real love is.

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Brian, who's Brian?

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Singleness is a gift.

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When I stop looking, it'll happen.

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I had a word of who my husband was.

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Ooh, all right, Helen.

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Is that person still single

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or are they now married to somebody else?

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Your husband will be very manly looking,

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masculine, totally hope.

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This one is true.

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Okay, now my husband would come that year

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over 10 years ago, right?

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Yeah, so all this,

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some of this stuff is real disheartening, right?

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It's real discouraging when you get things,

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especially that have some sort of timeline outcome on them.

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Feeling you'll end up with a widower.

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And so what happens there is when someone says,

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you'll end up with a widower,

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then we don't pay attention to any men

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that aren't widowers, right?

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Even without trying to,

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we start to categorize people based on that.

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Brian's the guy that I thought was my husband.

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Okay, we dated, not a good fit, all right?

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Mine was a while ago.

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I was given a warning, okay?

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I will tell you, I don't know who this is for

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and I had no intention at all of saying this,

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but Holy Spirit is bringing it to my mind right now.

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In the last two weeks,

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I have heard of two different couples

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that were separated by prophetic words.

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They were together, they were dating,

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they wanted to be together.

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And someone in their life said,

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I don't think that's your person.

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Or I don't think you should marry them.

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Or that's not the person God has for you.

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And yeah, that person's great or whatever,

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but God has something better for you.

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And because the people or the person or the word

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came from someone that they admired, respected,

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or maybe even a pastor or someone like that,

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they broke those relationships off.

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I'm happy to report that one of the girls

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I intersected with in New York City,

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she's been single for a few years.

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That was her last relationship

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and that's what happened in that relationship.

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I prayed over her, just like I prayed over you just now.

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And the guy that broke up with her a couple years before

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contacted her out of the blue.

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Here's the backstory.

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His pastor told him not to marry her,

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that she wasn't the one for him

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and she's a great, incredible girl.

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And he respected his pastor so much

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that he broke up with her, no questions asked,

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just wanted to be obedient to the Lord.

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Never married anyone else because he loved her

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and didn't feel like he was worthy of her.

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that way about anyone else that he has met in the years since then. Just recently, the pastor got

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into a bunch of trouble and it came out that he really wasn't the man of God that people thought

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he was. And this guy circled back around and said, Oh my gosh, if he was wrong about all this stuff,

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then that he probably was wrong about this as well. And so he came back and he said, I'm so

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sorry, will you forgive me? In fact, before he came to her, he flew to where she's from because

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they dated for years. They were in a serious relationship to talk to her parents first,

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and to let them know what had happened and how he sees the light now. And he sees what happened

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and to ask them if they would give him permission to pursue this relationship again. And if she was

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willing to eventually marry her, and then he was able to come to her and say, I'm so sorry,

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please forgive me. Even though they haven't spoken in years and y'all they're getting married now,

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they're engaged, they're getting married. And that's just one of two stories. There's another

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story just like that, where people are circling back around after many years of not being together

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because they were separated by someone else and their, their well-meaning advice.

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And I'm just going to give those people the benefit of the doubt that they meant well,

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they were trying to protect for whatever reason, but guess what y'all they were wrong.

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And that's why a word has to be confirmed through the mouth of two or three witnesses for it to be

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established. Pastors and preachers and prophets are all just people, and they have the ability

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to be wrong. And so we never want to put people on pedestals and be like, Hey, they're the Oracle

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of God. If they said it, it must be God. If anyone ever tells you something that requires you to make

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some huge life-changing decision, whether it's small or large, please do not do that based on

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just one thing. Let God confirm it. You're not being disobedient to put it before the Lord and

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say, okay, Lord, if this is you, I need you to confirm this. I need you to establish this word.

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Can't build your life on something that's not established. And so, and that doesn't mean you

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run off and you try to get it confirmed through, Hey, what do you think about this? This person

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told me this. What do you think? No, it means allowing God to bring confirmation.

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And not through you, not through like you're in prayer and you feel like God's just saying,

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yeah, that's it. No, we need each other. And this is why we need each other. This is why we need the

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body of Christ. This is why we even need people that don't know us that are part of the body of

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Christ because there's nothing like receiving a word of confirmation, not revelation, not something

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you ain't never heard before in your life. And it's coming out of nowhere through stranger.

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Those things need to be confirmed, but confirmation coming through someone who does not know you from

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Adam about something that you've been praying into. Right. And this is the correct way to process the

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prophetic. It is the correct way to do it. You're like, well, these are my shepherds or these are

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my overseers, or these are the people that God's placed in my life. They can be wrong.

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They can be wrong. And so it's important that we make sure that God is confirming those things

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to us. We don't have to make any decisions. There's no reason to run off and make a decision.

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So two relationships being reconciled. I don't know if that makes or means makes any difference

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or means anything to anyone here, but I'm really feeling like there's at least someone here or in

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replay that God's going to bring a relationship that you didn't think was the one or they,

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whatever, something separated y'all star cross lovers, so to speak, and God's going to bring

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them back around. And, and if that happens, I want you to test it. See if it's the Lord. Okay.

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Right. We don't want any counterfeit situations going on here, but at the same time, if it does

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happen, then revisit some of the reasons why that broke up in the first place and see if there were

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some things that were missed. Okay. All right. Good stuff. Good stuff. So in order for us to

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talk about how we're going to navigate meeting our spirit mate also called dating, I want to

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call it navigating. I want to call it navigating. Okay. Because dating means a lot of things to a

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lot of people. How are we going to navigate the season? How are we going to walk this season out?

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How are we going to partner with the promises of God over our life? So I want you to reframe dating

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into all the things that I just said, navigating the season of your life, walking out the promises,

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the prophetic over your life in this area, how are you going to walk that out? What does it

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look like to do your part while God does his part? One of the very first things we have to do is we

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have to clear and clean the slate. You do not want to try to have

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Have God write a love story on a slate,

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on a piece of paper that's already full

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of a bunch of things that you already wrote there.

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Do ya?

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And that's why we do the Never Will I Ever's,

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that's why we do the heart work.

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But here's the next puzzle piece in this process.

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You have the soul tie video,

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hopefully all of you took advantage of watching

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that bonus soul tie video and you did the work

305
00:15:26.060 --> 00:15:27.580
and you really saw yourself

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and you're really honest with yourself

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about whether you're tied to not just past people,

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a lot of people think soul ties are sexual,

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they're not, they can be emotional,

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they can be platonic, they can be friendships,

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they can be communities, they can be ideas,

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they can be prophetic words that are now expired.

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If you have a prophetic word

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00:15:46.960 --> 00:15:49.840
that you have seen no activity on,

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nothing has ever come to pass over that prophetic word

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00:15:53.600 --> 00:15:55.720
in the last two to five years,

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I want you to release it to the Lord,

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I want you to give it back to him.

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I want you to give it back to him.

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Because here's the thing, if it was God,

321
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he can give you a new version of it.

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Okay, you're not throwing it out,

323
00:16:16.860 --> 00:16:19.700
you're giving it back to the giver.

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That's what you're doing,

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you're laying it down at the feet of the cross,

326
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at the feet of Jesus, you're giving it back to him,

327
00:16:28.760 --> 00:16:29.720
and you're letting him know,

328
00:16:29.720 --> 00:16:32.000
hey, if this is something that you still want for my life,

329
00:16:32.000 --> 00:16:33.480
then I need a new version of it,

330
00:16:33.480 --> 00:16:36.640
I need the 2.0, I need the 3.0 version of it.

331
00:16:36.640 --> 00:16:37.760
Because anything that we've allowed

332
00:16:37.760 --> 00:16:39.160
to get that stale in our lives,

333
00:16:39.160 --> 00:16:40.280
maybe we didn't act on it,

334
00:16:40.280 --> 00:16:41.880
maybe we sat in the waiting room and we thought,

335
00:16:41.880 --> 00:16:45.360
hey, if this is God, then he's gonna make it happen.

336
00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:48.040
And then we didn't activate it with our faith,

337
00:16:48.040 --> 00:16:49.800
hope is expectant preparation,

338
00:16:49.800 --> 00:16:52.200
we didn't prepare for it, we didn't go after it.

339
00:16:53.760 --> 00:16:55.820
Because one thing you have to realize and understand

340
00:16:55.820 --> 00:16:58.200
is that God has a different spirit mate for you

341
00:16:58.200 --> 00:17:00.280
in every season.

342
00:17:00.280 --> 00:17:01.320
Whoa, what?

343
00:17:01.320 --> 00:17:02.680
What did I just say?

344
00:17:02.680 --> 00:17:05.020
That's crazy talk, and it's also true.

345
00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:09.260
Okay, the person that you would have been compatible with

346
00:17:09.260 --> 00:17:12.000
in your 20s, that's not the person in your 30s,

347
00:17:12.000 --> 00:17:14.599
or 40s, or 50s, and possibly that person

348
00:17:14.599 --> 00:17:16.200
is already married and moved on.

349
00:17:18.119 --> 00:17:20.160
Okay, there's always exceptions

350
00:17:20.160 --> 00:17:22.520
where God will allow a relationship to come full circle

351
00:17:22.540 --> 00:17:25.099
like the ones we just talked about.

352
00:17:25.099 --> 00:17:30.100
But it's like, if God calls me to be a prima ballerina,

353
00:17:31.020 --> 00:17:34.900
when I'm nine, 10, 11 years old, I'm in ballet,

354
00:17:34.900 --> 00:17:37.720
and I show promise and potential, and I love it,

355
00:17:37.720 --> 00:17:41.480
I love it so much, but something sidetracks me

356
00:17:41.480 --> 00:17:45.780
or something detours me from that call, that passion,

357
00:17:45.780 --> 00:17:47.580
that desire on my life.

358
00:17:48.580 --> 00:17:53.580
And in my 20s, God wants to revisit that call on my life.

359
00:17:54.080 --> 00:17:56.280
I'm not gonna be a prima ballerina, am I?

360
00:17:58.280 --> 00:18:02.800
No, but there's some version of that promise

361
00:18:02.800 --> 00:18:05.920
that I can still have, even in different seasons,

362
00:18:05.920 --> 00:18:07.400
isn't there?

363
00:18:07.400 --> 00:18:08.780
Maybe I can open a dance school,

364
00:18:08.780 --> 00:18:10.720
maybe I can be a choreographer,

365
00:18:10.720 --> 00:18:12.640
maybe I can open a school for the arts

366
00:18:12.640 --> 00:18:15.280
and teach young people ballet.

367
00:18:15.280 --> 00:18:16.500
Who knows what I can do?

368
00:18:17.480 --> 00:18:21.840
I can do something, even though what the version

369
00:18:21.840 --> 00:18:25.840
that God had for me to be an influencer in the arts

370
00:18:25.840 --> 00:18:28.860
when I was young is now different

371
00:18:28.860 --> 00:18:31.140
in these other seasons of my life, right?

372
00:18:33.320 --> 00:18:36.820
And so there's absolutely no,

373
00:18:39.440 --> 00:18:43.780
there's no the one, there's no one spirit mate for you.

374
00:18:44.780 --> 00:18:49.780
There are compatible destinies and assignments

375
00:18:51.500 --> 00:18:54.260
in the form of people and spirits

376
00:18:54.260 --> 00:18:55.660
that can be spirit mates to you

377
00:18:55.660 --> 00:18:58.100
in different seasons of your life.

378
00:18:58.100 --> 00:19:00.420
That's why when people get really upset about,

379
00:19:00.420 --> 00:19:02.300
oh, you know what, now looking back,

380
00:19:02.300 --> 00:19:03.700
knowing what I know now, Jackie,

381
00:19:03.700 --> 00:19:06.140
I see that Chris that I dated in my 20s,

382
00:19:06.140 --> 00:19:07.700
he was really a great guy

383
00:19:07.700 --> 00:19:09.580
and he probably would have made a great husband.

384
00:19:09.580 --> 00:19:10.860
And then they come to me and they're like,

385
00:19:10.860 --> 00:19:13.260
did I miss out on my one chance at a spirit mate?

386
00:19:13.780 --> 00:19:16.820
Because I broke up with him because I wasn't ready

387
00:19:16.820 --> 00:19:19.540
or I wasn't blah, blah, whatever the reason is.

388
00:19:19.540 --> 00:19:21.260
No, 100% no.

389
00:19:22.300 --> 00:19:24.060
Now, could you have married him in your 20s

390
00:19:24.060 --> 00:19:27.140
and could you have grown together and not apart

391
00:19:27.140 --> 00:19:28.660
and had a great life together

392
00:19:28.660 --> 00:19:31.380
and navigated those future seasons together?

393
00:19:31.380 --> 00:19:33.340
Yeah, you could have, probably.

394
00:19:33.340 --> 00:19:34.380
I don't know, Chris.

395
00:19:34.380 --> 00:19:36.300
Chris is a made up person right now.

396
00:19:37.220 --> 00:19:40.960
But you guys get the picture, right?

397
00:19:40.960 --> 00:19:43.480
But in your 30s or your 40s,

398
00:19:43.480 --> 00:19:45.080
when you're starting to think about this,

399
00:19:45.080 --> 00:19:47.760
you don't just go looking for Chris.

400
00:19:47.760 --> 00:19:49.280
You get what I'm saying?

401
00:19:49.280 --> 00:19:52.120
You recognize and realize that God has someone for you

402
00:19:52.120 --> 00:19:55.440
in this decade of your life, in this season of your life.

403
00:19:55.440 --> 00:19:58.120
And for those of you that had promises

404
00:19:58.120 --> 00:19:59.760
that had to do with seasons,

405
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.200
Seasons are not fall, winter, spring, summer.

406
00:20:03.200 --> 00:20:06.080
When we hear the word season, that's what we think of.

407
00:20:06.080 --> 00:20:08.800
We think of a very short timeframe.

408
00:20:08.800 --> 00:20:12.920
Seasons can be all different types of time increments.

409
00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:18.600
The Bible says that we are to know our times and our seasons.

410
00:20:18.600 --> 00:20:20.520
Some people have seasons that last longer

411
00:20:20.520 --> 00:20:23.720
than other seasons, other people's seasons of things.

412
00:20:25.160 --> 00:20:27.000
I will tell you that I do believe

413
00:20:27.240 --> 00:20:31.240
that we are all corporately in a season

414
00:20:31.240 --> 00:20:33.760
of the revival of kingdom, marriage, and family.

415
00:20:34.840 --> 00:20:37.040
And y'all are here together for it.

416
00:20:37.040 --> 00:20:38.480
We're all here for it, right?

417
00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:39.880
And it's really exciting.

418
00:20:39.880 --> 00:20:41.480
So let's clear the slate.

419
00:20:41.480 --> 00:20:43.560
If you didn't watch that Soul Ties bonus video,

420
00:20:43.560 --> 00:20:45.840
it's in your JackieDorman.com portal.

421
00:20:45.840 --> 00:20:47.320
Go look for it, watch it,

422
00:20:47.320 --> 00:20:50.720
because it helps you get rid of expectations and outcomes

423
00:20:50.720 --> 00:20:52.640
and things that you've been holding onto

424
00:20:52.640 --> 00:20:54.440
that are taking up bandwidth

425
00:20:55.400 --> 00:20:57.280
and not allowing you to see clearly.

426
00:20:57.280 --> 00:20:58.240
They cause filters,

427
00:20:58.240 --> 00:21:01.400
they cause blind spots in your present day life.

428
00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:05.920
I tell this story a lot, but I'm gonna tell it again.

429
00:21:05.920 --> 00:21:08.680
I had a student who thought that her husband

430
00:21:08.680 --> 00:21:10.880
had a very specific first name.

431
00:21:10.880 --> 00:21:12.320
This was what his name was.

432
00:21:13.280 --> 00:21:16.960
And she felt like that was told to her from the Lord.

433
00:21:16.960 --> 00:21:20.400
She felt like it was confirmed through every,

434
00:21:20.400 --> 00:21:23.600
not anybody else, but through every time she would pray,

435
00:21:24.040 --> 00:21:27.880
she felt like God would just say, hang on,

436
00:21:27.880 --> 00:21:29.240
first of all, you're not gonna get married

437
00:21:29.240 --> 00:21:30.680
until you're in your thirties.

438
00:21:30.680 --> 00:21:32.640
Who, when they're 21 years old,

439
00:21:32.640 --> 00:21:34.480
wants God to tell them they're not gonna get married

440
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:36.080
until they're in their thirties?

441
00:21:37.800 --> 00:21:38.640
All right?

442
00:21:40.400 --> 00:21:41.880
Right?

443
00:21:41.880 --> 00:21:46.880
And listen, if you feel like God gave you a certain age

444
00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:48.200
at which you're gonna get married,

445
00:21:48.200 --> 00:21:49.760
get that word confirmed,

446
00:21:49.760 --> 00:21:51.600
because you are gonna block yourself.

447
00:21:52.600 --> 00:21:55.400
You are gonna block yourself if you hear stuff like that.

448
00:21:55.400 --> 00:21:57.480
So not only did she think that it wasn't gonna happen

449
00:21:57.480 --> 00:22:00.920
until later, and I don't think it was her thirties,

450
00:22:00.920 --> 00:22:03.280
I think it was like five or six years

451
00:22:03.280 --> 00:22:04.520
from whenever this was,

452
00:22:04.520 --> 00:22:07.880
but she also thought that God told her the name,

453
00:22:07.880 --> 00:22:09.760
the first name of her husband.

454
00:22:09.760 --> 00:22:10.600
Long story short,

455
00:22:10.600 --> 00:22:12.600
she never met anyone with that first name

456
00:22:12.600 --> 00:22:15.200
until a guy started coming to their church

457
00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:16.480
with that first name,

458
00:22:16.480 --> 00:22:17.880
and he got involved in the leadership

459
00:22:17.880 --> 00:22:19.560
and he started leading worship there,

460
00:22:20.080 --> 00:22:23.720
and he never liked her and he married her roommate.

461
00:22:25.560 --> 00:22:27.480
Well, that's a real kick in the teeth.

462
00:22:29.880 --> 00:22:34.880
And that's why we don't buy into words like that

463
00:22:35.080 --> 00:22:38.560
unless they're super confirmed.

464
00:22:38.560 --> 00:22:40.000
Through what?

465
00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:43.400
Other things and people.

466
00:22:43.400 --> 00:22:46.040
And it can't be, oh, well, God told me this in prayer,

467
00:22:46.040 --> 00:22:48.760
and now every time I go out driving,

468
00:22:48.960 --> 00:22:51.320
let's just say his name was Brad,

469
00:22:51.320 --> 00:22:53.880
because I always use that name for whatever reason.

470
00:22:53.880 --> 00:22:56.800
Say you're out driving, God gave you this word in prayer,

471
00:22:56.800 --> 00:22:58.440
your husband's name is Brad,

472
00:22:58.440 --> 00:23:01.440
now everywhere the name Brad is,

473
00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:04.240
you're gonna see it, Brad Street.

474
00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:06.160
Oh, oh, God's speaking to me,

475
00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:07.880
yeah, my husband's Brad.

476
00:23:07.880 --> 00:23:10.280
You're gonna see that name all over the place.

477
00:23:10.280 --> 00:23:11.800
You're gonna go to the store

478
00:23:11.800 --> 00:23:14.120
and the guy that's checking you out at the grocery

479
00:23:14.120 --> 00:23:15.440
is gonna be named Brad.

480
00:23:15.440 --> 00:23:16.920
That's what's gonna happen.

481
00:23:16.920 --> 00:23:17.760
Why?

482
00:23:17.760 --> 00:23:20.400
Because it is at the top of your mind.

483
00:23:21.520 --> 00:23:23.040
And the way that the brain works

484
00:23:23.040 --> 00:23:26.840
is it is trained to show you what you're thinking about.

485
00:23:26.840 --> 00:23:29.520
It will show you what you are thinking about,

486
00:23:29.520 --> 00:23:30.440
you will see.

487
00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:33.080
Top of mind.

488
00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:35.760
And you're like, well, Jackie,

489
00:23:35.760 --> 00:23:37.680
does that mean that that's never a pattern

490
00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:38.600
that God's showing us?

491
00:23:38.600 --> 00:23:42.920
No, but you cannot base your whole life on that.

492
00:23:44.720 --> 00:23:45.800
Come on, y'all.

493
00:23:45.800 --> 00:23:48.800
Some of you more mature girls are like,

494
00:23:48.800 --> 00:23:53.520
no, no, no, girls, don't do it.

495
00:23:53.520 --> 00:23:55.960
But we know that 10 years ago,

496
00:23:55.960 --> 00:23:58.240
you were like, I saw 1111.

497
00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:00.960
We know, we know all y'all, all right?

498
00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:02.440
We've all been there, we've all done it.

499
00:24:02.440 --> 00:24:04.920
So we gotta clear the slate, wash it clean

500
00:24:04.920 --> 00:24:08.040
so God can write on it so all soul ties gone.

501
00:24:08.040 --> 00:24:09.960
And then I really felt very specific.

502
00:24:09.960 --> 00:24:12.000
I have never taught this in Dating 101,

503
00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:13.640
but I'm gonna teach it right now.

504
00:24:14.560 --> 00:24:16.320
That includes clearing the slate

505
00:24:16.320 --> 00:24:19.920
from situationships and delusionships.

506
00:24:22.080 --> 00:24:22.920
Okay?

507
00:24:22.920 --> 00:24:26.680
Situationships are relationships

508
00:24:26.680 --> 00:24:28.440
that have not been healthy,

509
00:24:28.440 --> 00:24:30.640
they're still not healthy,

510
00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:34.040
and you don't let go of them, all right?

511
00:24:34.040 --> 00:24:38.040
It's like, for instance, I had a client once

512
00:24:38.040 --> 00:24:40.000
and she had a guy best friend

513
00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:41.880
and they tried to date on and off

514
00:24:41.920 --> 00:24:43.720
like through their entire friendship

515
00:24:43.720 --> 00:24:44.640
and it never worked

516
00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:46.960
and it never got off first base at all.

517
00:24:46.960 --> 00:24:49.120
And then they told each other

518
00:24:49.120 --> 00:24:50.280
that if they weren't married

519
00:24:50.280 --> 00:24:52.120
by the time they were 40 years old,

520
00:24:52.120 --> 00:24:53.520
they would marry each other.

521
00:24:59.160 --> 00:25:00.000
And instead...

522
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.000
going out there and dating other people because it was just so easy to be in relationship with

523
00:25:04.000 --> 00:25:08.880
each other because they knew each other so well and they were so safe. They spent every moment

524
00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:12.560
together. They went to football games together. They went shopping together. They went on vacation

525
00:25:12.560 --> 00:25:19.600
together. They were a couple without being a couple. All right? Now, this is very vulgar,

526
00:25:19.600 --> 00:25:23.280
but I'm going to say that the young people in high school, because I was a substitute teacher,

527
00:25:23.280 --> 00:25:28.640
they would say, you're being cock-blocked if you do that. You cannot hang out with a guy

528
00:25:29.280 --> 00:25:34.560
that is not a romantic interest of you. Neither will he be a romantic interest with you

529
00:25:35.520 --> 00:25:38.080
if you want a real romantic interest.

530
00:25:40.960 --> 00:25:49.440
Now, that's the friend situationship, but then there's also the situationship where you did date

531
00:25:50.080 --> 00:25:57.440
and they won't fully let you go. They have a hold over you. There's a codependency that's

532
00:25:57.440 --> 00:26:00.960
going on there. There's a soul tie that's going on there. And so just when you think

533
00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:05.440
you're finally going to get free from the idea that this is really going to turn into a marriage,

534
00:26:05.440 --> 00:26:08.400
they breadcrumb you a little bit. What's that mean? They just give you,

535
00:26:08.400 --> 00:26:11.040
as soon as you start pulling away, they start pulling you back.

536
00:26:13.840 --> 00:26:18.160
No, you have to clear the slate of this because if you don't clear the slate of this,

537
00:26:18.160 --> 00:26:22.320
then you are not going to be able to see clearly to be with someone else.

538
00:26:28.160 --> 00:26:33.520
So the friendship situationship where it's like, are we friends? Are we lovers? What are we doing?

539
00:26:33.520 --> 00:26:38.320
And when I say lovers, I don't mean having sex. I mean, romantic relationship. Although some of

540
00:26:38.320 --> 00:26:43.200
those situationships have had sexual contact in them, and that's why you're having such a hard

541
00:26:43.200 --> 00:26:50.880
time letting it go. And you know who you are, so own it and let Jesus heal it. And then the next

542
00:26:50.880 --> 00:26:55.680
thing is delusionships. What's a delusionship? A delusionship is when you were never in a

543
00:26:55.680 --> 00:27:05.040
relationship ever, but you have told yourself you are. The worst example of this that I ever saw

544
00:27:05.040 --> 00:27:11.920
was a private client who she worked at a hospital, a very large hospital. And she had a higher up

545
00:27:11.920 --> 00:27:18.000
position in this hospital. And so she was there all the time. And there was a doctor at this

546
00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:23.440
hospital that was really cute. And one time someone introduced them or whatever. And then

547
00:27:23.440 --> 00:27:28.720
she would see him all the time. They would have like the same lunch break and they would be in

548
00:27:28.720 --> 00:27:33.920
the cafeteria at the same time, or she worked on the same floor as he did. And so she would run

549
00:27:33.920 --> 00:27:41.600
into him at least a few times a day when she was at work. And she convinced herself that they were

550
00:27:41.600 --> 00:27:49.520
in a relationship with each other. Okay. Because when they would see each other, the stuff that

551
00:27:49.520 --> 00:27:55.120
was exchanged in the cafeteria, the conversations that they would have about what they were going

552
00:27:55.120 --> 00:28:00.480
to do or where they were going to go or different things like that. Y'all, this man never asked her

553
00:28:00.480 --> 00:28:06.960
out. Okay. He never, he flirted with her. There was a flirtation for sure that was going on.

554
00:28:07.920 --> 00:28:13.760
And if this woman would have told me that this went on for about two or three weeks or even

555
00:28:13.760 --> 00:28:18.960
one or two months, I would have maybe been okay with that. Like, okay, it was a flirtation. You

556
00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:22.640
didn't know, you didn't know where it was going to go. Y'all, this went on for two years.

557
00:28:25.440 --> 00:28:33.680
And one day she was in the hallway and this man had not been at work for a couple of weeks.

558
00:28:34.320 --> 00:28:39.600
And she was with a, another person and she was talking to them and she said, oh yeah,

559
00:28:39.600 --> 00:28:46.240
Dr. So-and-so. And this person said to her, oh yeah, he's on his honeymoon. He got married.

560
00:28:47.920 --> 00:28:57.200
She about had a nervous breakdown because her fantasy life had told her that she was in a

561
00:28:57.200 --> 00:29:02.320
relationship with this person, that this person just hadn't asked her out officially yet, that

562
00:29:02.320 --> 00:29:07.520
he was falling in love with her, but hadn't asked her out officially yet because of the work

563
00:29:07.520 --> 00:29:12.560
dynamic, right? We work together. He's being really careful. And so here's some signs that

564
00:29:12.560 --> 00:29:19.280
you're in a delusionship. You're obsessing about someone in the relationship that you have with

565
00:29:19.280 --> 00:29:23.120
them. You're putting them on this pedestal. You're obsessing about them. You're thinking about them

566
00:29:23.120 --> 00:29:28.560
all the time and you're, but you're not in a relationship with them. You're disappointed

567
00:29:28.560 --> 00:29:35.120
because they aren't acting like they're in a relationship with you because they're not.

568
00:29:36.080 --> 00:29:40.800
And thirdly, you're always looking for confirmation of their feelings for you.

569
00:29:40.800 --> 00:29:45.360
Always trying to find some kind of confirmation that what you're believing about you and them

570
00:29:45.360 --> 00:29:55.120
together is true, but it's not. And people do this with people online. This is how people get

571
00:29:55.120 --> 00:29:59.840
catfished y'all. This is how people get with scammers.

572
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.680
They, they like the feeling that they're getting from the fantasy of a relationship.

573
00:30:04.680 --> 00:30:06.600
That's not real.

574
00:30:06.600 --> 00:30:07.600
It's not real.

575
00:30:07.600 --> 00:30:08.600
Okay.

576
00:30:08.600 --> 00:30:10.320
And so we got to let those go.

577
00:30:10.320 --> 00:30:11.600
We have to let those go.

578
00:30:11.600 --> 00:30:16.720
I know that a lot of times the mind will play tricks on us because we're hurting and we

579
00:30:16.720 --> 00:30:21.760
want something to medicate ourselves with, but we've got to clear the slate so that we

580
00:30:21.760 --> 00:30:22.760
can get going.

581
00:30:22.760 --> 00:30:23.760
Amen.

582
00:30:23.760 --> 00:30:24.760
Amen.

583
00:30:24.760 --> 00:30:25.760
Amen.

584
00:30:25.760 --> 00:30:35.240
And once again, a delusionship at the very most should be over within a week or two.

585
00:30:35.240 --> 00:30:39.520
When you realize this person doesn't like me, this person is not interested in me or

586
00:30:39.520 --> 00:30:40.520
they're unattainable.

587
00:30:40.520 --> 00:30:43.400
Like this doctor, he was married.

588
00:30:43.400 --> 00:30:44.400
And guess what?

589
00:30:44.400 --> 00:30:48.360
The whole time that she thought that he was like falling in love with her, he was dating

590
00:30:48.360 --> 00:30:55.720
and being engaged to this other woman who also worked at the hospital, but she didn't

591
00:30:55.720 --> 00:31:00.800
know that because we tell ourselves what we want to know, right?

592
00:31:00.800 --> 00:31:01.800
In those kinds of situations.

593
00:31:01.800 --> 00:31:04.780
And you're like, wow, that's really clueless.

594
00:31:04.780 --> 00:31:05.780
People do it.

595
00:31:05.780 --> 00:31:09.320
And I guarantee someone here has done it and someone here might be doing it right now,

596
00:31:09.320 --> 00:31:13.160
which is why Holy spirit wanted me to say this.

597
00:31:13.160 --> 00:31:16.520
God does not want you wasting your time on something that's not real.

598
00:31:16.520 --> 00:31:20.080
When there's something that is real waiting for you.

599
00:31:20.080 --> 00:31:21.080
Okay.

600
00:31:21.080 --> 00:31:22.080
All right.

601
00:31:22.080 --> 00:31:23.080
All right.

602
00:31:23.080 --> 00:31:29.440
So for the purpose of our communities, all of our communities, so you guys will all be

603
00:31:29.440 --> 00:31:35.020
going over into bride school, which is connected to the single nation community.

604
00:31:35.020 --> 00:31:38.920
So single nation, single nation, millennials, single nation on Instagram, any single city

605
00:31:38.920 --> 00:31:39.920
groups.

606
00:31:39.920 --> 00:31:41.680
We just had a huge turnout for single city reading.

607
00:31:41.680 --> 00:31:44.600
I'm in reading right now and Sacramento and reading.

608
00:31:44.600 --> 00:31:53.240
We had over a hundred singles come to our meetup last weekend, this Saturday, last Saturday.

609
00:31:53.240 --> 00:31:57.640
And then the one before that three weeks before that we had 140 singles come.

610
00:31:57.640 --> 00:32:00.520
So the single cities are taking off in certain areas.

611
00:32:00.520 --> 00:32:02.320
They're really gaining traction.

612
00:32:02.320 --> 00:32:08.320
So here are our, our, our rules of engagement, so to speak for men that you might meet within

613
00:32:08.320 --> 00:32:13.540
our communities, guys that are in my coaching, they're in my 1822 program.

614
00:32:13.540 --> 00:32:17.500
You might see them on co-ed prayer or supernatural Saturday, or you might meet them in one of

615
00:32:17.500 --> 00:32:20.380
those groups that I just mentioned here.

616
00:32:20.380 --> 00:32:24.860
Here's how we handle the different rules of engagement and phases of relationship.

617
00:32:24.860 --> 00:32:29.180
We're all in community together and you can apply these phases to any community that you're

618
00:32:29.180 --> 00:32:35.260
in your workplace, your church, your spiritual community, because remember dating is just

619
00:32:35.260 --> 00:32:37.460
walking out the promises of God in our lives.

620
00:32:37.460 --> 00:32:40.180
All we're doing is we're just putting action to our prayers.

621
00:32:40.180 --> 00:32:41.540
We're putting feet to our prayers.

622
00:32:41.540 --> 00:32:43.260
We're getting to know people.

623
00:32:43.260 --> 00:32:44.380
There's grace on our face.

624
00:32:44.380 --> 00:32:45.380
We're getting out there.

625
00:32:45.380 --> 00:32:47.300
We're meeting new people.

626
00:32:47.300 --> 00:32:51.380
We're entertaining the ideas of people that we already know as far as in the romantic

627
00:32:51.380 --> 00:32:52.460
category.

628
00:32:52.460 --> 00:33:00.040
And so level one or phase one of all relationship is just community.

629
00:33:00.040 --> 00:33:02.340
Right now, all of us are in phase one with each other.

630
00:33:02.340 --> 00:33:05.740
All of us right here tonight, we're in phase one.

631
00:33:05.740 --> 00:33:10.500
Now none of us are going to get to phase three because phase three is romantic, but we might

632
00:33:10.500 --> 00:33:16.580
get to phase two with each other as girls, girls to girls, because phase two is phase

633
00:33:16.580 --> 00:33:18.260
one is community.

634
00:33:18.260 --> 00:33:19.540
We're all in community together.

635
00:33:19.540 --> 00:33:24.260
We consider ourselves in a community, in a sisterhood, in a brotherhood, in a community

636
00:33:24.260 --> 00:33:25.260
hood.

637
00:33:25.260 --> 00:33:26.260
We're all here together.

638
00:33:26.260 --> 00:33:27.260
We're in the hood.

639
00:33:27.260 --> 00:33:32.260
And then number two is, Hey, I really liked this person.

640
00:33:32.260 --> 00:33:35.220
This person really, I just think they're so funny.

641
00:33:35.220 --> 00:33:36.660
They're so intriguing.

642
00:33:36.660 --> 00:33:39.060
I would, I would love to hang out with them.

643
00:33:39.100 --> 00:33:42.700
I would love to have some sort of meetup or hang out with them.

644
00:33:42.700 --> 00:33:44.260
Once again, you see that's platonic, right?

645
00:33:44.260 --> 00:33:47.420
It could be a girl doing that to another girl.

646
00:33:47.420 --> 00:33:53.500
Raise your hand if you've ever been with, been in community and you met a girl in community

647
00:33:53.500 --> 00:33:55.500
that you're like, I want to be her friend.

648
00:33:55.500 --> 00:33:57.300
I want to hang out with her.

649
00:33:57.300 --> 00:33:59.140
I want to go to girls night with her.

650
00:33:59.140 --> 00:34:01.340
I want to whatever.

651
00:34:01.340 --> 00:34:02.340
Okay.

652
00:34:02.340 --> 00:34:09.040
So the same with guys, y'all at phase two, it's like, yeah, this guy is really funny

653
00:34:10.020 --> 00:34:11.020
He's fun.

654
00:34:11.020 --> 00:34:14.560
I so enjoy his personality.

655
00:34:14.560 --> 00:34:16.239
And then he might be the same way to you.

656
00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:19.840
Like men might think this about a woman, like she's so cute and funny.

657
00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:21.920
Like I would really like to get to know her better.

658
00:34:21.920 --> 00:34:28.560
That's phase two, phase two for the male female dynamic.

659
00:34:28.560 --> 00:34:33.719
It could last for the, for the female dynamic, female, female, of course that can last forever.

660
00:34:33.719 --> 00:34:37.199
We become friends and we're going to be friends, right?

661
00:34:37.199 --> 00:34:45.840
For the male dynamic, the male female dynamic, that situation, not situation ship, but that

662
00:34:45.840 --> 00:34:49.239
connection let's use the word connection.

663
00:34:49.239 --> 00:34:55.760
It will either grow into a phase three or it will stay at phase two.

664
00:34:55.760 --> 00:34:59.800
And I really want to encourage you because we are a community bat matchmaking movement.

665
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.800
based matchmaking movement, that if you get to know men at phase one or two, and even

666
00:35:06.800 --> 00:35:10.480
at phase one, they're in community with you, but you're don't, you do not want to get to

667
00:35:10.480 --> 00:35:12.560
know them to a phase two.

668
00:35:12.560 --> 00:35:17.160
You're not interested in hanging out with them one-on-one, but you think they're probably

669
00:35:17.160 --> 00:35:19.040
a quality person.

670
00:35:19.040 --> 00:35:21.720
Please refer them to our matchmaking community.

671
00:35:21.720 --> 00:35:24.000
Please refer them to 1822.

672
00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:25.840
Maybe you cross paths with them on a dating app.

673
00:35:25.840 --> 00:35:27.740
You guys are dating apps, a community.

674
00:35:27.740 --> 00:35:31.500
If you're on a dating app, Bumble, Hinge, I'll go ahead and name off the dating apps

675
00:35:31.500 --> 00:35:32.500
right now.

676
00:35:32.500 --> 00:35:37.940
You're going to have an online dating class, a safety class and profile making class, but

677
00:35:37.940 --> 00:35:45.060
there's Bumble, there's Hinge, there's Holy, there's Higher Bond, there's Salt is another

678
00:35:45.060 --> 00:35:50.020
Christian one, Upwards is supposed to be a Christian one, lots of spam on that one.

679
00:35:50.020 --> 00:36:00.780
There's Facebook dating, there's let's see, Coffee Meets Bagel, Match, eHarmony.

680
00:36:00.780 --> 00:36:02.580
So those are communities.

681
00:36:02.580 --> 00:36:06.780
If you have a, if you have a dating app that you like, you're at level one with all the

682
00:36:06.780 --> 00:36:08.420
people on that dating app.

683
00:36:08.420 --> 00:36:10.940
When you swipe on them and they swipe on you, guess what?

684
00:36:10.940 --> 00:36:11.940
You're at level two now.

685
00:36:11.940 --> 00:36:14.900
You're in phase two of relationship with this person.

686
00:36:14.900 --> 00:36:18.220
Now it doesn't mean you're going to go to phase three, but if you get to know them,

687
00:36:18.220 --> 00:36:22.060
you think they seem pretty cool, but they're not for you and you don't even want to even

688
00:36:22.060 --> 00:36:28.620
give it a shot to, after talking to them and having some interaction with them, please

689
00:36:28.620 --> 00:36:32.140
think of your sisters, think of someone else that may like them.

690
00:36:32.140 --> 00:36:36.580
And we're going to have a new group that's starting just for community-based matchmaking

691
00:36:36.580 --> 00:36:37.900
solidly.

692
00:36:37.900 --> 00:36:39.100
That's what it will be for.

693
00:36:39.100 --> 00:36:40.100
So what's phase three?

694
00:36:40.100 --> 00:36:45.420
Phase three is when you have been hanging out at phase two and you really like each

695
00:36:45.420 --> 00:36:47.060
other.

696
00:36:47.060 --> 00:36:48.900
You want to be romantic with each other.

697
00:36:48.900 --> 00:36:49.900
You want to hold hands.

698
00:36:49.900 --> 00:36:50.900
You want to kiss.

699
00:36:50.900 --> 00:36:53.820
You want to, you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

700
00:36:53.820 --> 00:36:55.220
You want to put titles on it.

701
00:36:55.220 --> 00:36:56.860
You want to put intention on it.

702
00:36:56.860 --> 00:37:03.580
You want to see if this can go all the way to phase five, which is marriage.

703
00:37:03.580 --> 00:37:08.860
And then phase four of course is betrothal, engagement, all that.

704
00:37:08.860 --> 00:37:15.540
So phase two, when you're no longer just in community, but now you're getting to know

705
00:37:15.540 --> 00:37:19.700
each other one-on-one, hanging out, doing things, you can do that with more than one

706
00:37:19.700 --> 00:37:20.700
person at a time.

707
00:37:20.700 --> 00:37:21.700
I know shocking, right?

708
00:37:21.700 --> 00:37:22.700
How shocking?

709
00:37:22.700 --> 00:37:28.900
You mean I can hang out with more than one guy at a time?

710
00:37:28.900 --> 00:37:34.540
Maybe not at the same time, but yes, you can.

711
00:37:34.540 --> 00:37:37.140
You definitely can.

712
00:37:37.140 --> 00:37:40.940
And I personally think that you should.

713
00:37:40.940 --> 00:37:46.100
Now, if you don't have the bandwidth, you're not that you have a more easily exhausted

714
00:37:46.100 --> 00:37:47.100
personality.

715
00:37:47.100 --> 00:37:50.460
I know that we used to call it introversion, but I don't like that.

716
00:37:50.460 --> 00:37:56.900
I don't like introvert extrovert because I don't believe that any of us, I don't believe

717
00:37:56.900 --> 00:38:03.860
that any of us have the bandwidth for all the chaos and confusion of the world that

718
00:38:03.860 --> 00:38:05.580
we live in.

719
00:38:05.580 --> 00:38:12.740
And if you get exhausted more easily by public interaction, that doesn't make you an introvert.

720
00:38:12.740 --> 00:38:14.420
It makes you an empath.

721
00:38:14.420 --> 00:38:16.100
That's different, right?

722
00:38:16.100 --> 00:38:20.780
It's important that you understand that if you need longer periods of time to recharge

723
00:38:20.780 --> 00:38:30.500
after being around people, it's probably because you are picking up a lot of energy, okay?

724
00:38:30.500 --> 00:38:31.500
Being exhausted.

725
00:38:31.500 --> 00:38:36.060
And it also can mean that you're a people pleaser that is surrounded by people that

726
00:38:36.060 --> 00:38:40.300
drain, a whole bunch of drains.

727
00:38:40.300 --> 00:38:43.400
People that have a lot of problems are always in crisis.

728
00:38:43.400 --> 00:38:47.620
People that have what I call main character personality, where they suck all the air out

729
00:38:47.620 --> 00:38:52.940
of the room because they want tons of attention because they have heart wounds and attachment

730
00:38:52.940 --> 00:38:56.580
style issues and all kinds of different things.

731
00:38:56.580 --> 00:39:01.300
So if you find yourself being easily exhausted by your community, then maybe you need to

732
00:39:01.300 --> 00:39:05.700
take a look at what your community is.

733
00:39:05.700 --> 00:39:12.500
But going back to phase two, whatever you have the bandwidth, whatever brings you joy,

734
00:39:12.500 --> 00:39:19.700
whatever you think is fun at that level with getting to know others, go for it.

735
00:39:19.700 --> 00:39:22.220
I'm going to go ahead and answer this question before anyone asks it.

736
00:39:22.220 --> 00:39:26.700
No, you do not have to tell men that you are hanging out with that level two, that you're

737
00:39:26.700 --> 00:39:32.620
hanging out with other men.

738
00:39:32.620 --> 00:39:36.420
And if they straight up ask you, are you, are you talking to anyone else?

739
00:39:36.420 --> 00:39:43.660
I find that to be a yellow flag.

740
00:39:43.660 --> 00:39:47.660
If they want to lock you down too early after they just met you into level three or phase

741
00:39:47.660 --> 00:39:56.060
three, that's a yellow flag.

742
00:39:56.060 --> 00:39:58.620
Those are yellow ish flags.

743
00:39:58.620 --> 00:40:00.620
So what's phase three, phase three, once again.

744
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.760
and it's like, hey, we wanted to find this.

745
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:05.320
We want us to be exclusive, it's exclusivity.

746
00:40:05.320 --> 00:40:07.160
Do not rush to exclusivity.

747
00:40:07.160 --> 00:40:09.840
You don't have to rush to exclusivity, do you?

748
00:40:11.020 --> 00:40:12.480
You wanna make sure that this is someone,

749
00:40:12.480 --> 00:40:15.800
you know why you don't wanna rush to exclusivity?

750
00:40:15.800 --> 00:40:19.080
Because it's so embarrassing to put in a relationship

751
00:40:19.080 --> 00:40:21.760
on your Facebook page and then three weeks later

752
00:40:21.760 --> 00:40:23.640
people see it's back to single again.

753
00:40:24.600 --> 00:40:27.040
Everyone knows that you rush to level three

754
00:40:27.040 --> 00:40:28.280
when you do that.

755
00:40:30.200 --> 00:40:32.540
And it makes you seem a little unstable.

756
00:40:34.400 --> 00:40:37.640
So yes, things do happen to cause

757
00:40:37.640 --> 00:40:40.000
level three relationships to end.

758
00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:42.520
And you do want it to end in level three if it's gonna end.

759
00:40:42.520 --> 00:40:45.320
You don't want it to land in level four or five, do you?

760
00:40:46.400 --> 00:40:47.840
So that's where we're gonna vet out.

761
00:40:47.840 --> 00:40:49.480
That's where we're really gonna dig in.

762
00:40:49.480 --> 00:40:50.720
If we're at phase three with someone,

763
00:40:50.720 --> 00:40:53.120
we're gonna dig in to really getting to know them

764
00:40:53.120 --> 00:40:54.120
and know their family.

765
00:40:54.120 --> 00:40:55.760
And this is where you would introduce

766
00:40:55.760 --> 00:40:57.920
your children to someone.

767
00:40:57.920 --> 00:41:00.080
Okay, not at the beginning of phase three,

768
00:41:00.080 --> 00:41:02.160
but a little bit into phase three

769
00:41:02.160 --> 00:41:06.360
when you know that this is a true bonafide courtship.

770
00:41:07.960 --> 00:41:09.560
That is when you would introduce them.

771
00:41:09.560 --> 00:41:13.000
Now they can know you have children at phase two,

772
00:41:13.000 --> 00:41:14.720
but they don't need to see pictures

773
00:41:14.720 --> 00:41:16.160
of your children necessarily

774
00:41:16.160 --> 00:41:18.000
until you're towards the end of phase two.

775
00:41:18.000 --> 00:41:19.340
You trust this person.

776
00:41:21.800 --> 00:41:25.360
Anyone still use babysitters that you don't really know

777
00:41:25.360 --> 00:41:26.680
that are not friends and family,

778
00:41:26.680 --> 00:41:30.640
like babysitters from like care.com or friend of a friend?

779
00:41:30.640 --> 00:41:31.920
No, why don't we do that?

780
00:41:31.920 --> 00:41:33.000
Because it's scary.

781
00:41:33.960 --> 00:41:34.800
That's why.

782
00:41:36.480 --> 00:41:39.280
So why would you tell a man that you barely know,

783
00:41:39.280 --> 00:41:41.720
why would you show him pictures of your children?

784
00:41:41.720 --> 00:41:44.280
Just because you've been on a few dates with him.

785
00:41:44.280 --> 00:41:46.400
He doesn't need to see pictures of your children

786
00:41:46.400 --> 00:41:48.200
until you're sure he's a safe person

787
00:41:48.200 --> 00:41:49.920
and you're not gonna know he's a safe person

788
00:41:49.920 --> 00:41:51.240
after two or three dates.

789
00:41:51.240 --> 00:41:53.640
And that isn't to make you afraid,

790
00:41:53.640 --> 00:41:55.400
but it is to let you know that

791
00:41:55.400 --> 00:42:00.400
we are way, way, way too boundaryless or too boundary.

792
00:42:01.040 --> 00:42:03.440
And so you need to decide which one you fall into.

793
00:42:03.440 --> 00:42:05.200
Some people have no boundaries.

794
00:42:05.200 --> 00:42:07.840
They're like, look, look at my three and two year old.

795
00:42:07.840 --> 00:42:09.360
I mean, this dude could be a pedophile.

796
00:42:09.360 --> 00:42:10.700
You don't know who he is.

797
00:42:11.680 --> 00:42:13.340
Don't be showing him pictures of your kids.

798
00:42:13.340 --> 00:42:15.600
Don't put pictures of your kids on dating apps.

799
00:42:15.600 --> 00:42:18.040
You're gonna get into a dating online safety class next.

800
00:42:18.040 --> 00:42:19.640
I don't teach that,

801
00:42:19.640 --> 00:42:22.560
but you're gonna get a lot out of that, all right?

802
00:42:22.920 --> 00:42:24.560
He doesn't need to know

803
00:42:24.560 --> 00:42:27.520
about what your children look like or about your children.

804
00:42:27.520 --> 00:42:29.960
You can just say that you have children.

805
00:42:29.960 --> 00:42:32.960
If you use your discernment, ladies, use your wisdom.

806
00:42:32.960 --> 00:42:34.640
All of you have it.

807
00:42:34.640 --> 00:42:35.920
And if you've done your heart work,

808
00:42:35.920 --> 00:42:38.200
it's no longer suspicion, it's intuition.

809
00:42:38.200 --> 00:42:39.720
And don't ignore intuition.

810
00:42:42.480 --> 00:42:43.320
Hold on a second.

811
00:42:43.320 --> 00:42:44.600
Someone's not muted.

812
00:42:45.680 --> 00:42:46.720
Look at Stephanie.

813
00:42:50.080 --> 00:42:52.120
I accidentally just asked someone to unmute.

814
00:42:52.680 --> 00:42:53.520
Don't do it.

815
00:42:53.520 --> 00:42:54.340
I don't need you to unmute.

816
00:42:54.340 --> 00:42:57.160
Okay, so use wisdom and discernment.

817
00:42:57.160 --> 00:42:58.480
You have it.

818
00:42:58.480 --> 00:42:59.760
If you're healing your heart,

819
00:42:59.760 --> 00:43:02.320
then it's not gonna be unfounded.

820
00:43:02.320 --> 00:43:04.120
If you feel like someone's not that safe,

821
00:43:04.120 --> 00:43:09.040
they seem a little sketch, then don't ignore that, all right?

822
00:43:10.160 --> 00:43:11.680
Especially if you're doing the heart work,

823
00:43:11.680 --> 00:43:12.800
don't ignore that.

824
00:43:12.800 --> 00:43:16.280
Now, don't be super picky and start picking somebody apart.

825
00:43:17.160 --> 00:43:18.580
Critical heart is a broken heart.

826
00:43:18.580 --> 00:43:20.440
Remember that, all right?

827
00:43:20.440 --> 00:43:24.520
So phase two, we wanna stay there until we really know

828
00:43:24.520 --> 00:43:28.160
that this person has the qualities and character

829
00:43:28.160 --> 00:43:31.460
of someone that we would be able to marry.

830
00:43:32.600 --> 00:43:35.760
Maybe not right now, but if things keep going well

831
00:43:35.760 --> 00:43:38.300
the way they are, we know that this is the kind of person

832
00:43:38.300 --> 00:43:39.600
that we wanna marry.

833
00:43:39.600 --> 00:43:43.060
Ladies, always choose character over charisma.

834
00:43:43.060 --> 00:43:46.140
Always choose character over charisma.

835
00:43:47.020 --> 00:43:48.820
I know people love the word narcissist,

836
00:43:48.820 --> 00:43:50.300
so I'm just gonna throw this out here.

837
00:43:50.300 --> 00:43:54.340
True narcissism, people that are truly narcissists, okay?

838
00:43:54.340 --> 00:43:58.060
Like the mental health disorder, that's narcissism.

839
00:43:58.060 --> 00:43:59.820
They're always very charismatic.

840
00:44:01.460 --> 00:44:04.020
Does that mean all charismatic people are narcissists?

841
00:44:04.020 --> 00:44:06.420
I hope not, because I'm charismatic.

842
00:44:06.420 --> 00:44:09.100
But at the same time, you need to see the difference

843
00:44:09.100 --> 00:44:10.060
between those things.

844
00:44:10.060 --> 00:44:12.020
So don't be won over by charisma

845
00:44:12.020 --> 00:44:13.700
if there's no character there.

846
00:44:13.700 --> 00:44:17.420
Be a fruit inspector, not a gift inspector.

847
00:44:19.420 --> 00:44:24.420
That's for all you churchy, crunchy, churchy, chicky mamas.

848
00:44:24.420 --> 00:44:26.500
You're like, oh, does he speak in tongues?

849
00:44:28.540 --> 00:44:31.060
Does he know how to quote the scripture?

850
00:44:31.060 --> 00:44:32.740
Or he might know how to do all that stuff.

851
00:44:32.740 --> 00:44:35.820
He might be a preacher, but that does not mean

852
00:44:35.820 --> 00:44:37.060
that he is a healthy man.

853
00:44:37.140 --> 00:44:38.740
Okay, all right.

854
00:44:42.300 --> 00:44:47.300
Ladies, at phase two, you may not even be with them

855
00:44:48.260 --> 00:44:50.620
in person, right?

856
00:44:50.620 --> 00:44:53.580
Especially on these online situations.

857
00:44:53.580 --> 00:44:56.060
There's a lot of places where it isn't.

858
00:44:56.060 --> 00:44:58.380
You can go on social media,

859
00:44:58.380 --> 00:45:01.240
and I call these a lot more interesting,

860
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.440
Try to vet guys out before you get to an in-person date as much as you can.

861
00:45:02.180 --> 00:45:04.860
than sitting through a recorded video.

862
00:45:05.440 --> 00:45:06.440
Okay.

863
00:45:06.440 --> 00:45:11.120
I like you to go ahead and say yes, unless you feel like this person's super sketchy.

864
00:45:11.120 --> 00:45:12.120
They're a serial killer.

865
00:45:12.120 --> 00:45:13.120
I'm not going out with them.

866
00:45:13.120 --> 00:45:14.120
Good.

867
00:45:14.120 --> 00:45:15.120
Don't do that.

868
00:45:15.120 --> 00:45:20.520
But then always, and once again, you're going to take a safety class, but always go during

869
00:45:20.520 --> 00:45:23.880
the daytime, go to public places.

870
00:45:23.880 --> 00:45:27.520
Don't go on hikes in the woods for your first date with someone you don't know.

871
00:45:27.520 --> 00:45:28.520
What don't?

872
00:45:28.520 --> 00:45:29.520
Why?

873
00:45:30.040 --> 00:45:31.040
Don't do that.

874
00:45:31.040 --> 00:45:32.040
Don't do that.

875
00:45:32.040 --> 00:45:33.040
All right.

876
00:45:33.040 --> 00:45:34.040
Don't have them pick you up.

877
00:45:34.040 --> 00:45:35.040
They don't, they don't need to know where your house is.

878
00:45:35.040 --> 00:45:36.040
You're like, that's chivalrous.

879
00:45:36.040 --> 00:45:38.560
No, they don't pick you up at your house.

880
00:45:38.560 --> 00:45:40.160
You don't ride with them.

881
00:45:40.160 --> 00:45:44.440
You meet them there and you do it during the day in a public place and you don't let them

882
00:45:44.440 --> 00:45:47.240
know where you live or any of that stuff.

883
00:45:47.240 --> 00:45:48.240
Okay.

884
00:45:48.240 --> 00:45:53.160
These are people that you're just beginning to get to know.

885
00:45:53.160 --> 00:45:59.440
Try to have a phone call or a FaceTime with them before you meet up in person.

886
00:45:59.440 --> 00:46:01.760
And here's a really good way to frame that.

887
00:46:01.760 --> 00:46:05.720
Hey, just so it's not super awkward since we've never met each other before, let's jump

888
00:46:05.720 --> 00:46:06.720
on a phone call.

889
00:46:06.720 --> 00:46:07.720
Let's jump on a FaceTime.

890
00:46:07.720 --> 00:46:08.720
Let's see each other.

891
00:46:08.720 --> 00:46:13.480
Let's see each other face to face before we get together for lunch or whatever you're

892
00:46:13.480 --> 00:46:15.400
going to do.

893
00:46:15.400 --> 00:46:18.320
I do really like active first dates.

894
00:46:18.320 --> 00:46:22.400
As you get to phase two and three, as you get to phase two, especially like deeper into

895
00:46:22.400 --> 00:46:25.720
phase two, it's maybe your third, fourth, fifth date with a guy.

896
00:46:25.720 --> 00:46:30.480
I want to make sure that you understand that you can be very proactive in helping plan

897
00:46:30.480 --> 00:46:31.480
those dates.

898
00:46:31.480 --> 00:46:35.720
Ladies don't have a spirit of entitlement where you think that these men are supposed

899
00:46:35.720 --> 00:46:36.800
to plan everything.

900
00:46:36.800 --> 00:46:38.880
They're supposed to do everything.

901
00:46:38.880 --> 00:46:43.560
First of all, men are bad at this, historically bad.

902
00:46:43.560 --> 00:46:47.640
And the ones that are really good at it, they're good at it for a reason usually, and it's

903
00:46:47.640 --> 00:46:49.800
not a good reason.

904
00:46:49.800 --> 00:46:54.360
So be willing to give the awkward guy who really doesn't know what to do a chance because

905
00:46:54.360 --> 00:47:00.920
that shows he doesn't have a lot of bad experience baggage too, right?

906
00:47:00.920 --> 00:47:01.920
Give him a chance.

907
00:47:01.920 --> 00:47:06.440
The guy on the dating app that doesn't really dress well, give him a chance because the

908
00:47:06.440 --> 00:47:11.200
thing that's missing from his life is a woman.

909
00:47:11.200 --> 00:47:17.680
All of that is fixable and yes, you are going to fix it because you're a woman.

910
00:47:17.680 --> 00:47:21.760
My husband still tries to wear outfits and I'm like, are you kidding me?

911
00:47:21.760 --> 00:47:25.760
And he said, babe, I told you to look at me before we left the house.

912
00:47:25.760 --> 00:47:27.280
I said, Hey, do you like this?

913
00:47:27.280 --> 00:47:29.040
And you just said, yeah, yeah, whatever.

914
00:47:29.040 --> 00:47:30.120
You didn't look at me.

915
00:47:30.120 --> 00:47:34.800
And then we're in the car and I'm like, what are you wearing?

916
00:47:34.800 --> 00:47:36.800
What are you wearing right now?

917
00:47:36.800 --> 00:47:37.800
Right?

918
00:47:37.800 --> 00:47:40.600
Yes, that happens sometimes.

919
00:47:40.600 --> 00:47:45.160
And so, and my husband has better taste than most men.

920
00:47:45.160 --> 00:47:48.520
Now, if a man looks completely put together, his hair looks better than yours, it looks

921
00:47:48.520 --> 00:47:54.840
like he spent a lot more time on getting ready than maybe even you did.

922
00:47:54.840 --> 00:47:58.680
Buyer beware, right?

923
00:47:58.680 --> 00:47:59.680
Doesn't always have to be.

924
00:47:59.680 --> 00:48:00.680
It could be a metrosexual.

925
00:48:00.680 --> 00:48:06.720
It could be someone who's really cares about self-care, but he also can be pretty self-involved

926
00:48:06.720 --> 00:48:10.600
and he could be a player because he knows what women like and he knows how to give it

927
00:48:10.600 --> 00:48:11.920
to you.

928
00:48:11.920 --> 00:48:12.920
Cool.

929
00:48:13.400 --> 00:48:18.520
So these are all things there's definitely exclusions.

930
00:48:18.520 --> 00:48:23.440
So please, they're not hard, fast rules at all, because I want you to give every man

931
00:48:23.440 --> 00:48:28.840
who seems safe a chance because you never know what you're going to like.

932
00:48:28.840 --> 00:48:34.640
Every man that seems safe, that's interested in you, that's wanting you to do something

933
00:48:34.640 --> 00:48:35.640
with him.

934
00:48:35.640 --> 00:48:39.320
Give him a, give him a, give him a phase two chance.

935
00:48:39.320 --> 00:48:47.800
Now, if after a few conversations or in-persons, you're like, there's just, there's not going

936
00:48:47.800 --> 00:48:49.320
to be anything romantic here.

937
00:48:49.320 --> 00:48:51.120
You know it, you feel it in your gut.

938
00:48:51.120 --> 00:48:53.040
It's not just, he's not your type.

939
00:48:53.040 --> 00:48:57.280
It's not just, you haven't done your heart work.

940
00:48:57.280 --> 00:49:01.080
If he is, he's got potential, bring him to us.

941
00:49:01.080 --> 00:49:06.160
And if he doesn't have potential, like you're like, he's just got a lot more, lot more work

942
00:49:06.160 --> 00:49:08.180
to do.

943
00:49:08.180 --> 00:49:13.180
You can just turn his sails to the wind and send him on his way.

944
00:49:13.180 --> 00:49:16.260
And there's a lot of different ways you can do that.

945
00:49:16.260 --> 00:49:19.860
The easiest way to do it is just by being very honest.

946
00:49:19.860 --> 00:49:28.900
Hey, I don't see, I don't see there being any kind of romantic connection between us.

947
00:49:28.900 --> 00:49:34.100
It's been really nice getting to know you and I'm glad that you gave it a chance for

948
00:49:34.100 --> 00:49:37.500
us to meet up, connect.

949
00:49:37.500 --> 00:49:41.300
But I don't want to, I don't want to waste your time.

950
00:49:41.300 --> 00:49:49.660
Also on these first couple of dates, ladies, make sure that you have a very short amount

951
00:49:49.660 --> 00:49:50.660
of time.

952
00:49:50.660 --> 00:49:55.940
That way, if it's going really poorly and you really aren't enjoying yourself, you don't

953
00:49:55.940 --> 00:49:59.980
have to like dip out to the bathroom and leave without telling him.

954
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.440
You can just, you can say beforehand,

955
00:50:04.440 --> 00:50:07.040
hey, yes, I would love to go out with you.

956
00:50:07.040 --> 00:50:09.240
And if he says, whatever day he says,

957
00:50:10.320 --> 00:50:12.640
you just say, yeah, I just want to let you know

958
00:50:12.640 --> 00:50:15.660
that I have somewhere to be after this.

959
00:50:16.800 --> 00:50:19.920
And you do have somewhere to be, it's called home.

960
00:50:19.920 --> 00:50:20.960
All right?

961
00:50:20.960 --> 00:50:22.200
And if it makes you feel better,

962
00:50:22.200 --> 00:50:24.400
cause you're like, I don't even want to tell a white lie,

963
00:50:24.400 --> 00:50:26.680
then set something up for afterwards.

964
00:50:26.680 --> 00:50:28.400
Set up a phone call with your mom,

965
00:50:28.440 --> 00:50:31.600
whatever it is that you got to do, just do it.

966
00:50:31.600 --> 00:50:34.320
And that way, and for those of you that are like,

967
00:50:34.320 --> 00:50:36.000
but if it goes really well,

968
00:50:36.000 --> 00:50:38.280
then I'm going to be like, oh, my plan's canceled

969
00:50:38.280 --> 00:50:40.040
and we can spend the rest of the day together.

970
00:50:40.040 --> 00:50:41.600
Uh-uh.

971
00:50:41.600 --> 00:50:43.300
No, if it went really well,

972
00:50:43.300 --> 00:50:45.500
then the next date will go really well too.

973
00:50:46.920 --> 00:50:49.200
You know what happens when you let a date

974
00:50:49.200 --> 00:50:52.120
turn into a day date, an entire day?

975
00:50:52.120 --> 00:50:54.760
You end up going too deep, too quickly.

976
00:50:54.760 --> 00:50:56.420
You end up talking about things

977
00:50:56.420 --> 00:50:58.380
that you shouldn't be talking about.

978
00:50:58.380 --> 00:51:01.780
A lot of times we ignore red flags

979
00:51:01.780 --> 00:51:04.460
and we have a lot of chemistry with someone.

980
00:51:04.460 --> 00:51:06.820
And a lot of times those are the people

981
00:51:06.820 --> 00:51:09.700
that doesn't turn out well later.

982
00:51:09.700 --> 00:51:11.500
Okay, so even if you have felt like

983
00:51:11.500 --> 00:51:16.500
you have known them all your life, okay?

984
00:51:16.760 --> 00:51:18.620
Do not tell them that.

985
00:51:18.620 --> 00:51:20.660
Here are a few things that I never want you to say

986
00:51:20.660 --> 00:51:22.100
on the first couple of dates.

987
00:51:22.100 --> 00:51:24.600
This is the best date I've ever been on.

988
00:51:26.580 --> 00:51:28.020
What can you say instead?

989
00:51:28.020 --> 00:51:30.620
I had a really great time, I'd love to do it again.

990
00:51:32.420 --> 00:51:33.260
Right?

991
00:51:34.100 --> 00:51:36.140
Here's another thing I don't ever want you to say.

992
00:51:36.140 --> 00:51:38.500
I haven't felt disconnected to anyone else

993
00:51:38.500 --> 00:51:39.940
ever in my whole life.

994
00:51:43.740 --> 00:51:45.700
What can you say instead?

995
00:51:45.700 --> 00:51:47.740
Wow, we have a lot in common.

996
00:51:47.740 --> 00:51:49.500
I had a really great time.

997
00:51:49.500 --> 00:51:50.960
I'd love to do it again.

998
00:51:52.460 --> 00:51:54.780
All right, what else do I not want you to say?

999
00:51:55.740 --> 00:51:57.940
I feel like I've known you all my life.

1000
00:52:00.060 --> 00:52:02.280
That's one that could be a yellow flag.

1001
00:52:02.280 --> 00:52:04.180
And so when you leave the date,

1002
00:52:04.180 --> 00:52:06.240
I want you to unpack that with Holy Spirit.

1003
00:52:06.240 --> 00:52:08.580
Why does this person feel so familiar to me?

1004
00:52:09.700 --> 00:52:12.940
What, what about this person feels so familiar?

1005
00:52:12.940 --> 00:52:15.300
Is it, do I feel safe and seen and known?

1006
00:52:15.300 --> 00:52:16.420
Is it a good thing?

1007
00:52:16.420 --> 00:52:21.420
Or is it a familiarity that is actually leading

1008
00:52:21.660 --> 00:52:23.560
to someplace I don't want to go?

1009
00:52:23.560 --> 00:52:24.580
All right?

1010
00:52:25.340 --> 00:52:26.180
And unpack that slowly.

1011
00:52:26.180 --> 00:52:28.500
You don't have to make some quick decision based on that.

1012
00:52:28.500 --> 00:52:29.340
Okay?

1013
00:52:29.340 --> 00:52:31.660
But you never say that to that person either,

1014
00:52:31.660 --> 00:52:33.020
because I'm telling you right now,

1015
00:52:33.020 --> 00:52:35.740
if that person is an unsafe person,

1016
00:52:35.740 --> 00:52:38.020
they're going to feed on that kind of stuff.

1017
00:52:38.020 --> 00:52:39.420
So make sure that you don't say that.

1018
00:52:39.420 --> 00:52:41.660
Here's another thing I don't ever want you to say.

1019
00:52:41.660 --> 00:52:43.580
Wow, I think I'm falling in love with you.

1020
00:52:43.580 --> 00:52:45.460
I know that's a no brainer,

1021
00:52:45.460 --> 00:52:47.140
but people say this kind of stuff

1022
00:52:47.140 --> 00:52:49.000
on first, second, and third dates.

1023
00:52:49.000 --> 00:52:53.180
Man, I just, I just feel like I'm falling in love with you.

1024
00:52:53.180 --> 00:52:54.020
No, you're not.

1025
00:52:55.180 --> 00:52:56.020
Okay?

1026
00:52:56.020 --> 00:52:58.820
Lust, perhaps, right?

1027
00:52:58.820 --> 00:53:00.900
Trauma bonding, maybe.

1028
00:53:02.020 --> 00:53:02.860
Love?

1029
00:53:02.860 --> 00:53:04.940
No, it's not love.

1030
00:53:04.940 --> 00:53:05.940
It isn't.

1031
00:53:05.940 --> 00:53:06.780
Okay.

1032
00:53:08.140 --> 00:53:11.620
All right, so anyone have any questions

1033
00:53:11.620 --> 00:53:14.580
before we go on about the phases of dating?

1034
00:53:14.580 --> 00:53:15.980
One, two, three, four, five.

1035
00:53:17.020 --> 00:53:21.460
And ladies, please let the man lead phase three.

1036
00:53:21.460 --> 00:53:24.140
Don't ask him things like, where is this going?

1037
00:53:25.300 --> 00:53:26.500
What's your intentions?

1038
00:53:26.500 --> 00:53:28.220
If you have to ask that,

1039
00:53:28.220 --> 00:53:30.740
that man is not ready for phase three with you.

1040
00:53:31.900 --> 00:53:34.100
You do not have to lead that conversation.

1041
00:53:34.100 --> 00:53:36.300
I know that a lot of other coaches will be like,

1042
00:53:36.300 --> 00:53:39.060
hey, have the DTR, define the relationship.

1043
00:53:39.060 --> 00:53:41.180
No, no.

1044
00:53:41.180 --> 00:53:43.140
You know what you do instead?

1045
00:53:43.140 --> 00:53:45.780
You don't clear your roster for one dude.

1046
00:53:46.780 --> 00:53:50.260
You keep your options open.

1047
00:53:50.260 --> 00:53:51.460
You date other people.

1048
00:53:51.460 --> 00:53:52.460
You stay on the apps.

1049
00:53:52.460 --> 00:53:53.580
You don't shut your app down.

1050
00:53:53.580 --> 00:53:54.700
If you're doing online dating,

1051
00:53:54.700 --> 00:53:55.740
you don't shut your app down

1052
00:53:55.740 --> 00:53:58.740
just because you had a few good dates with someone.

1053
00:53:58.740 --> 00:53:59.580
Right?

1054
00:53:59.580 --> 00:54:00.980
You don't do that.

1055
00:54:00.980 --> 00:54:04.260
Because what that does is it puts all the pressure

1056
00:54:04.260 --> 00:54:07.900
on this one connection to be the one connection.

1057
00:54:07.900 --> 00:54:09.700
And then you start obsessing about it.

1058
00:54:09.700 --> 00:54:12.020
And then you start trying to drive it forward

1059
00:54:12.020 --> 00:54:14.020
because that's what women do.

1060
00:54:14.020 --> 00:54:16.060
They try to drive it forward.

1061
00:54:16.060 --> 00:54:16.940
Okay.

1062
00:54:16.940 --> 00:54:18.140
I'm going to tell you something.

1063
00:54:18.140 --> 00:54:21.300
If that connection turns romantic,

1064
00:54:22.300 --> 00:54:24.940
okay, a long lingering hug.

1065
00:54:24.940 --> 00:54:26.060
He holds your hand.

1066
00:54:26.060 --> 00:54:27.460
He puts his arm around you.

1067
00:54:27.460 --> 00:54:29.980
You cuddle up together.

1068
00:54:29.980 --> 00:54:30.820
You kiss.

1069
00:54:30.820 --> 00:54:31.820
You make out.

1070
00:54:31.820 --> 00:54:34.180
You're automatically phase three.

1071
00:54:34.180 --> 00:54:38.260
You just skipped a level and you went to phase three.

1072
00:54:38.260 --> 00:54:41.300
So now you're not going to be able to,

1073
00:54:41.300 --> 00:54:42.540
you're going to have to clear your roster.

1074
00:54:42.540 --> 00:54:43.940
You got to clear the bench.

1075
00:54:43.940 --> 00:54:45.620
All the dudes got to go

1076
00:54:45.620 --> 00:54:47.820
that you may have been talking to before

1077
00:54:47.820 --> 00:54:49.740
until you figure out what's going on with this dude

1078
00:54:49.860 --> 00:54:51.540
because you can't be running around

1079
00:54:51.540 --> 00:54:53.540
with a bunch of people and kissing them

1080
00:54:53.540 --> 00:54:56.180
and making out with them and doing the things.

1081
00:54:56.180 --> 00:54:57.020
Why?

1082
00:54:57.020 --> 00:55:00.060
Because number one, that's not what a lady does.

1083
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.280
And number two, it's going to cause massive confusion in your mind about what you want and

1084
00:55:05.280 --> 00:55:14.960
who you want. So you can't do that. So if that happens, that is the only time that you are allowed

1085
00:55:14.960 --> 00:55:21.680
to ask this person what their intentions are towards you. If you went ahead and got physical

1086
00:55:21.680 --> 00:55:31.920
with them, then you need to have the conversation of, Hey, where, where, where do you want this to

1087
00:55:31.920 --> 00:55:36.880
go? Where do you see this going? Especially if you get physical pretty early on in phase two,

1088
00:55:37.840 --> 00:55:43.840
then you really need to find out because first of all, you can't just be, go back to just being

1089
00:55:43.840 --> 00:55:50.720
like people that are hanging out, getting to know each other. You just exchanged body fluids. Okay.

1090
00:55:50.720 --> 00:55:56.080
Just made out with each other. You're not doing that. Once that happens,

1091
00:55:56.080 --> 00:55:59.520
there isn't any, Oh, well, let's just get to know each other better.

1092
00:56:02.080 --> 00:56:10.000
So you have to have the conversation of, Hey, we rushed into this, but we obviously are really

1093
00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:17.200
connected. I'm, if you are willing to see where this plays out too, and it's not super unhealthy

1094
00:56:17.200 --> 00:56:23.360
and toxic, then you can have that conversation. Otherwise you got to let him ask you to be his

1095
00:56:23.360 --> 00:56:29.360
girlfriend. Okay. And while, yes, I do believe that your girlfriend era is over. We don't really

1096
00:56:29.360 --> 00:56:39.200
have another word for phase three before you become his Beyonce. Right. And so at phase three,

1097
00:56:39.200 --> 00:56:43.520
he should be willing to introduce you as his girlfriend, as his significant other, he should

1098
00:56:43.520 --> 00:56:49.600
be willing to invite you to things that include his friends and family. Some men will even do that

1099
00:56:49.600 --> 00:56:57.280
at, at a deeper level too, as he's, as he's making a decision of whether or not you're going to go

1100
00:56:57.280 --> 00:57:02.800
to level three. I, I don't want you to have deep conversations with people as you're just starting

1101
00:57:02.800 --> 00:57:07.360
to get to know them. But if you start dating them for a while, like you've been dating them for a

1102
00:57:07.360 --> 00:57:12.800
month or two, it's important that you have deeper conversations. Otherwise you'll never get to level

1103
00:57:12.800 --> 00:57:19.040
three. And I don't mean like the clipboard of the interview questions of how many kids do you want?

1104
00:57:19.040 --> 00:57:23.040
When do you want to get married? Do you see yourself marrying me? Uh, what's your relationship

1105
00:57:23.040 --> 00:57:31.360
like with your, with your whatever. I'm not talking about that. Okay. I'm talking about

1106
00:57:32.000 --> 00:57:39.360
in level at the beginning of level two, do not do that, but you do have to start to talk about what

1107
00:57:39.360 --> 00:57:44.320
you're passionate about. If it comes up organically, like say they're going through

1108
00:57:44.320 --> 00:57:50.320
something, their parent is sick. It's totally natural and normal to say, do you have a good

1109
00:57:50.320 --> 00:57:55.840
relationship with them? Isn't it? If they tell you that their, their, their mother or father's dying

1110
00:57:55.840 --> 00:58:01.520
or they're sick, or they've had some kind of health scare with them, or it's normal for you to be

1111
00:58:01.520 --> 00:58:12.160
normal, do not interview men. And here's why. If you try to dig deeper into getting to know someone

1112
00:58:13.040 --> 00:58:20.240
that you don't know that you're just, just meeting, you will find out things about them.

1113
00:58:20.240 --> 00:58:25.920
I promise you this. You will find out things about them that you're not ready to hear.

1114
00:58:26.880 --> 00:58:33.360
And it could cause you to not go further in relationship with them

1115
00:58:35.200 --> 00:58:42.800
because your understanding of their character and who they are is smaller than this huge

1116
00:58:42.800 --> 00:58:47.440
revelation that you just learned about them. It's like a bank account. You got to make deposits

1117
00:58:47.440 --> 00:58:52.640
before you can make withdrawals. So if you start asking them, Hey, why are you divorced? What

1118
00:58:53.120 --> 00:58:57.040
happened in your first marriage? Why did your wife leave? Did you cheat on her? Have you ever

1119
00:58:57.040 --> 00:59:01.520
been unfaithful? What's your relationship with porn? Do you watch porn? Do you, what's your bank

1120
00:59:01.520 --> 00:59:05.680
account? Like, do you have a 401k? When are you going to retire? What kind of relationship do you

1121
00:59:05.680 --> 00:59:09.120
have with your children? Do they like you? Do they like their mom more if they're divorced?

1122
00:59:09.120 --> 00:59:14.960
All kinds of inappropriate questions for someone that you barely know. And depending on what those

1123
00:59:14.960 --> 00:59:21.520
answers are to those things, you might cut and run from someone who's amazing. And if you find out

1124
00:59:21.520 --> 00:59:29.840
those things in the proper alignment of your understanding of their character, then you can

1125
00:59:29.840 --> 00:59:35.760
handle that information. It's like that. It's like that show few good men. You can't handle the

1126
00:59:35.760 --> 00:59:39.920
truth. You can't handle the truth. When you first meet someone, you don't need to know it.

1127
00:59:41.120 --> 00:59:45.920
We don't need to know that about them. In fact, some of y'all that are prophetic,

1128
00:59:45.920 --> 00:59:50.000
God will hide things from you while you're sitting there trying to discern this person

1129
00:59:50.080 --> 00:59:55.840
because he knows he looks at the heart and he knows what they're like.

1130
00:59:55.840 --> 00:59:59.840
And it doesn't matter that they were in juvenile detention when they were 15.

1131
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.500
years old, you don't need to know that about them.

1132
01:00:04.400 --> 01:00:05.240
Okay?

1133
01:00:06.840 --> 01:00:10.920
So stop sabotaging yourself with that.

1134
01:00:10.920 --> 01:00:13.960
Okay, so phase two, deeper into phase two,

1135
01:00:13.960 --> 01:00:16.200
you're gonna wanna start talking about things

1136
01:00:16.200 --> 01:00:18.160
that can get you to phase three.

1137
01:00:18.160 --> 01:00:19.800
Gonna have to start making that connection

1138
01:00:19.800 --> 01:00:21.920
in order to get to phase three, all right?

1139
01:00:23.380 --> 01:00:25.480
All right, any questions about the phases?

1140
01:00:30.200 --> 01:00:31.400
You guys have to unmute yourself

1141
01:00:31.400 --> 01:00:34.920
because I can't see the chat unless I pull it up,

1142
01:00:34.920 --> 01:00:37.200
which is difficult.

1143
01:00:41.640 --> 01:00:44.200
I went on a dating app before and had bad experiences.

1144
01:00:44.200 --> 01:00:46.120
I would rather meet them some other way.

1145
01:00:46.120 --> 01:00:50.200
How do you meet someone offline, all right?

1146
01:00:50.200 --> 01:00:53.160
There's lots of ways to do that.

1147
01:00:53.160 --> 01:00:54.720
I'll talk about that in a second,

1148
01:00:54.720 --> 01:00:58.880
but I really wanna encourage you to not completely let go

1149
01:00:58.880 --> 01:01:03.880
of the idea of online because of some bad experiences.

1150
01:01:05.160 --> 01:01:06.500
You're a new person now.

1151
01:01:06.500 --> 01:01:07.600
You did the hard work.

1152
01:01:07.600 --> 01:01:09.000
Things are different now.

1153
01:01:09.000 --> 01:01:11.400
It's a different season of your life, okay?

1154
01:01:11.400 --> 01:01:13.720
I want you to be willing to put yourself out there

1155
01:01:13.720 --> 01:01:17.280
wherever you can, but then at the same time,

1156
01:01:18.800 --> 01:01:21.000
we are trying to get together

1157
01:01:21.000 --> 01:01:23.560
community-based matchmaking opportunities,

1158
01:01:23.560 --> 01:01:26.000
and I wanna encourage you to do that where you live as well.

1159
01:01:26.000 --> 01:01:27.480
What you help make happen for others,

1160
01:01:27.480 --> 01:01:29.120
God will make happen for you.

1161
01:01:29.120 --> 01:01:31.520
Here's a little secret in case you didn't know.

1162
01:01:31.520 --> 01:01:33.400
Men are everywhere.

1163
01:01:34.520 --> 01:01:35.720
They're everywhere.

1164
01:01:35.720 --> 01:01:37.360
Where do I meet a guy?

1165
01:01:37.360 --> 01:01:39.320
Outside your front door.

1166
01:01:39.320 --> 01:01:41.800
They're everywhere, okay?

1167
01:01:41.800 --> 01:01:43.420
They're at the grocery store.

1168
01:01:43.420 --> 01:01:45.080
They're at the gas station.

1169
01:01:45.080 --> 01:01:47.040
They're at everywhere.

1170
01:01:47.040 --> 01:01:48.000
They're everywhere.

1171
01:01:48.000 --> 01:01:49.800
They're at the movie theater.

1172
01:01:49.800 --> 01:01:51.240
They're at the restaurant.

1173
01:01:51.240 --> 01:01:54.800
They're all over the place, aren't they?

1174
01:01:54.800 --> 01:01:56.280
They're at your church.

1175
01:01:56.280 --> 01:01:57.760
More important than your church,

1176
01:01:57.760 --> 01:01:59.560
they're at other churches,

1177
01:01:59.560 --> 01:02:02.240
and they're at retreats and spiritual community,

1178
01:02:02.240 --> 01:02:06.160
and so you need to get on your Facebook.

1179
01:02:06.160 --> 01:02:08.040
You need to get on websites,

1180
01:02:08.040 --> 01:02:09.580
and you need to find the things

1181
01:02:09.580 --> 01:02:11.320
that are going on in your area,

1182
01:02:11.320 --> 01:02:13.000
not just for Christian singles,

1183
01:02:13.000 --> 01:02:16.560
not just spiritual events, but also just regular things.

1184
01:02:16.560 --> 01:02:17.960
What do you like to do?

1185
01:02:17.960 --> 01:02:18.960
Go do it.

1186
01:02:18.960 --> 01:02:20.320
You like to play pickleball?

1187
01:02:20.320 --> 01:02:22.280
Go join a league.

1188
01:02:22.280 --> 01:02:24.920
Go join a pickleball league, okay?

1189
01:02:24.920 --> 01:02:26.240
You like a dog?

1190
01:02:26.240 --> 01:02:27.320
You got a dog?

1191
01:02:27.320 --> 01:02:28.680
Go walk your dog.

1192
01:02:28.680 --> 01:02:29.960
Go to your dog park.

1193
01:02:29.960 --> 01:02:34.440
Go to other dog parks that you don't go to.

1194
01:02:34.440 --> 01:02:36.720
Take your dog and go to places

1195
01:02:36.720 --> 01:02:38.600
that you don't take your dog,

1196
01:02:38.600 --> 01:02:40.680
like, for instance, I live in Austin,

1197
01:02:40.680 --> 01:02:44.760
and people walk their dogs downtown Lady Bird Lake,

1198
01:02:44.760 --> 01:02:45.720
around the lake.

1199
01:02:45.720 --> 01:02:48.040
Go down to Lady Bird Lake and walk your dog.

1200
01:02:48.960 --> 01:02:52.840
Put yourself in public situations.

1201
01:02:52.840 --> 01:02:55.240
You're like, but I don't want some stranger

1202
01:02:55.240 --> 01:02:57.840
coming up to me in public.

1203
01:02:57.840 --> 01:02:58.680
Why not?

1204
01:02:59.560 --> 01:03:01.280
You're like, well, what if they're not a Christian?

1205
01:03:01.280 --> 01:03:02.160
You're a Christian.

1206
01:03:02.160 --> 01:03:03.000
You're there.

1207
01:03:03.000 --> 01:03:05.200
Why couldn't there be another Christian there?

1208
01:03:05.200 --> 01:03:07.080
Remember, God has you highlighted,

1209
01:03:07.080 --> 01:03:08.840
but he can't spotlight you

1210
01:03:08.840 --> 01:03:11.040
if you're alone in your house,

1211
01:03:11.040 --> 01:03:13.520
under your bed, under the covers, whatever.

1212
01:03:13.520 --> 01:03:14.640
You have to get out.

1213
01:03:14.640 --> 01:03:16.640
You have to be out and about.

1214
01:03:16.640 --> 01:03:20.120
So many of my private clients go from work to home

1215
01:03:20.720 --> 01:03:23.880
to the same gym at the same time with the same people.

1216
01:03:23.880 --> 01:03:26.080
They already know who's gonna be there.

1217
01:03:26.080 --> 01:03:27.560
Go to a different gym.

1218
01:03:27.560 --> 01:03:31.000
Your gym has more than one gym, okay?

1219
01:03:31.000 --> 01:03:32.480
Go to a different location.

1220
01:03:32.480 --> 01:03:33.440
Work out there.

1221
01:03:33.440 --> 01:03:35.960
Work out at a different time than you normally work out.

1222
01:03:35.960 --> 01:03:38.360
Are you willing to make these changes?

1223
01:03:38.360 --> 01:03:39.840
Because I guarantee you'll meet people

1224
01:03:39.840 --> 01:03:40.880
that you don't know.

1225
01:03:43.400 --> 01:03:46.240
Look, if you know everyone that you know

1226
01:03:46.240 --> 01:03:48.400
and your husband is not amongst those people,

1227
01:03:48.400 --> 01:03:50.800
then you need to meet some new people, don't you?

1228
01:03:54.840 --> 01:03:56.680
And you know what else you need to do?

1229
01:03:56.680 --> 01:03:59.880
Utilize women and married couples.

1230
01:03:59.880 --> 01:04:01.760
I already told you to put yourself out there

1231
01:04:01.760 --> 01:04:03.280
on your Facebook page.

1232
01:04:03.280 --> 01:04:05.440
Tell all the people that know you

1233
01:04:05.440 --> 01:04:06.600
that you wanna be married

1234
01:04:06.600 --> 01:04:09.640
and that you are willing to entertain suggestions

1235
01:04:09.640 --> 01:04:12.480
and blind dates and all the things.

1236
01:04:12.480 --> 01:04:14.600
If you haven't done that, you need to do it.

1237
01:04:14.600 --> 01:04:16.040
Community-based matchmaking is the thing.

1238
01:04:16.040 --> 01:04:20.680
Did you know in 1995, 70% of people that got married

1239
01:04:20.680 --> 01:04:22.160
met through friends and family?

1240
01:04:22.160 --> 01:04:23.720
70%, y'all.

1241
01:04:25.600 --> 01:04:27.240
70%.

1242
01:04:27.240 --> 01:04:30.560
Now 70% of people are meeting online, including Christians.

1243
01:04:30.560 --> 01:04:32.480
And the reason why is because our friends and family

1244
01:04:32.480 --> 01:04:33.600
stopped fixing us up.

1245
01:04:34.680 --> 01:04:35.560
In fact, since COVID,

1246
01:04:35.560 --> 01:04:38.240
we don't even have in-person community hardly.

1247
01:04:38.240 --> 01:04:39.200
We're all on Facebook.

1248
01:04:39.200 --> 01:04:41.680
We're all looking at each other behind the screen.

1249
01:04:42.680 --> 01:04:44.040
Let's get together in person.

1250
01:04:44.080 --> 01:04:46.840
You guys, I went to an improv group last night

1251
01:04:46.840 --> 01:04:48.560
to go watch improv comedy,

1252
01:04:48.560 --> 01:04:52.240
a clean improv comedy troupe here in Reading.

1253
01:04:52.240 --> 01:04:54.040
It was hilarious.

1254
01:04:54.040 --> 01:04:57.240
And there were all kinds of single men and women there

1255
01:04:57.240 --> 01:04:58.200
in the audience.

1256
01:04:59.680 --> 01:05:00.520
Do that.

1257
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.080
things that you enjoy that you're passionate about.

1258
01:05:03.080 --> 01:05:06.280
Do things that sound like fun to you, right?

1259
01:05:06.280 --> 01:05:09.520
If you like to ski, join a ski club, a traveling ski club,

1260
01:05:09.520 --> 01:05:11.680
where all kinds of people go on trips,

1261
01:05:11.680 --> 01:05:16.680
go on a singles vacation, do all kinds of things, okay?

1262
01:05:18.600 --> 01:05:20.320
Stop saying, oh, you know what?

1263
01:05:20.320 --> 01:05:22.200
There aren't any single men out there.

1264
01:05:22.200 --> 01:05:23.960
There's lots of single men.

1265
01:05:23.960 --> 01:05:25.280
Just because they're not where you are

1266
01:05:25.280 --> 01:05:26.480
doesn't mean that they don't exist.

1267
01:05:26.480 --> 01:05:28.440
So now you need to allow Holy Spirit

1268
01:05:28.440 --> 01:05:30.760
to bring you to where they are.

1269
01:05:30.760 --> 01:05:32.120
And you need to be willing,

1270
01:05:32.120 --> 01:05:34.360
if you meet someone who's not for you,

1271
01:05:34.360 --> 01:05:37.440
you need to be willing to bring them to this community

1272
01:05:37.440 --> 01:05:39.400
or to a sister that you've met in this community

1273
01:05:39.400 --> 01:05:41.680
and fix someone else up.

1274
01:05:41.680 --> 01:05:42.920
What you help make happen for others,

1275
01:05:42.920 --> 01:05:44.200
God makes happen for you.

1276
01:05:44.200 --> 01:05:45.040
So I digress.

1277
01:05:45.040 --> 01:05:45.920
I wanna say this.

1278
01:05:45.920 --> 01:05:50.200
Utilize older people and married couples

1279
01:05:50.200 --> 01:05:51.800
that you meet places.

1280
01:05:51.800 --> 01:05:53.920
You're like, Jackie, what I'm about to say

1281
01:05:53.920 --> 01:05:55.040
is gonna sound crazy.

1282
01:05:55.040 --> 01:05:56.560
And you're gonna say, Jackie, you're crazy.

1283
01:05:56.560 --> 01:05:57.680
And then, yeah, you know what?

1284
01:05:57.680 --> 01:05:59.080
I am.

1285
01:05:59.080 --> 01:06:01.760
But I'm also a successful matchmaker.

1286
01:06:01.760 --> 01:06:03.400
So you should listen to me.

1287
01:06:03.400 --> 01:06:05.480
So here's what we're gonna do.

1288
01:06:05.480 --> 01:06:07.120
When you're out and about,

1289
01:06:07.120 --> 01:06:08.880
I want you to raise your hand

1290
01:06:08.880 --> 01:06:10.920
if you've talked to a stranger

1291
01:06:10.920 --> 01:06:13.080
while you're out and about.

1292
01:06:13.080 --> 01:06:16.200
A woman, a married couple at the grocery store,

1293
01:06:16.200 --> 01:06:19.120
at the salon, when you're getting your nails done,

1294
01:06:19.120 --> 01:06:21.520
you've talked to someone that you don't know.

1295
01:06:22.360 --> 01:06:23.840
Now, I want you to keep your hand up

1296
01:06:23.840 --> 01:06:25.120
if you've talked to someone

1297
01:06:25.120 --> 01:06:26.920
you don't know about your life.

1298
01:06:26.920 --> 01:06:29.080
When you've just sitting in the waiting room,

1299
01:06:29.080 --> 01:06:30.560
you've shared details of things.

1300
01:06:30.560 --> 01:06:32.480
Just like, oh yeah, I'm here

1301
01:06:32.480 --> 01:06:35.520
because my foot hurts and I'm gonna get an X-ray.

1302
01:06:35.520 --> 01:06:37.320
Like, you just share things

1303
01:06:37.320 --> 01:06:38.760
because that's what women do.

1304
01:06:40.360 --> 01:06:41.520
All right?

1305
01:06:41.520 --> 01:06:45.320
So from now on, every time that you are anywhere,

1306
01:06:45.320 --> 01:06:46.400
you're on an airplane.

1307
01:06:46.400 --> 01:06:47.960
Yep, perfect example.

1308
01:06:47.960 --> 01:06:50.840
I have a rule that I don't talk to people on airplanes.

1309
01:06:50.840 --> 01:06:51.880
Just kidding.

1310
01:06:51.880 --> 01:06:55.560
But I try not to because then they don't stop talking

1311
01:06:55.560 --> 01:06:57.480
and then I wanna take a nap.

1312
01:06:57.480 --> 01:07:00.520
But I'm married, you're not.

1313
01:07:00.520 --> 01:07:03.120
So you're gonna talk to people on airplanes, okay?

1314
01:07:03.120 --> 01:07:05.080
You're gonna talk to people on the subway.

1315
01:07:05.080 --> 01:07:07.280
If you live in a place that you take public transportation

1316
01:07:07.280 --> 01:07:08.840
on the bus, wherever you are,

1317
01:07:08.840 --> 01:07:10.360
you're gonna talk to people.

1318
01:07:10.360 --> 01:07:12.440
You're gonna talk to your waitress

1319
01:07:12.440 --> 01:07:14.120
at the restaurant, wherever.

1320
01:07:14.120 --> 01:07:15.640
And what are you gonna do?

1321
01:07:15.640 --> 01:07:20.240
If the opportunity presents itself,

1322
01:07:20.280 --> 01:07:23.880
you are going to tell strangers

1323
01:07:23.880 --> 01:07:26.720
that you wanna get married,

1324
01:07:28.360 --> 01:07:30.360
that you're single and ready to mingle.

1325
01:07:32.560 --> 01:07:34.640
If you meet someone and they're really nice,

1326
01:07:34.640 --> 01:07:36.400
they're sitting next to you, they're so nice,

1327
01:07:36.400 --> 01:07:39.080
you're having such a good time talking to them

1328
01:07:39.080 --> 01:07:41.160
on the airplane or wherever you are,

1329
01:07:41.160 --> 01:07:42.240
you can say to them,

1330
01:07:42.240 --> 01:07:43.720
I've been working with a dating coach

1331
01:07:43.720 --> 01:07:45.720
and I really wanna get married.

1332
01:07:45.720 --> 01:07:47.880
So you're such a nice person.

1333
01:07:47.880 --> 01:07:49.080
I've met a lot of nice people.

1334
01:07:49.080 --> 01:07:51.920
So if you know a great guy that you think would like me,

1335
01:07:51.920 --> 01:07:53.360
hook a sister up.

1336
01:07:53.360 --> 01:07:55.120
You are going to do that.

1337
01:07:55.120 --> 01:07:56.080
Because what is that called?

1338
01:07:56.080 --> 01:07:58.160
That's called community-based matchmaking.

1339
01:07:59.680 --> 01:08:02.920
And 70% of people in 1995 got married that way.

1340
01:08:05.640 --> 01:08:06.480
Is this fun?

1341
01:08:08.520 --> 01:08:10.760
You go to events, you go to conferences,

1342
01:08:10.760 --> 01:08:12.240
you go to weddings of other people,

1343
01:08:12.240 --> 01:08:13.680
wherever you are,

1344
01:08:13.680 --> 01:08:18.040
you are going to let people know, not in a weird way,

1345
01:08:18.040 --> 01:08:21.520
but as it progresses in conversation,

1346
01:08:21.520 --> 01:08:22.920
hey, what are you up to?

1347
01:08:22.920 --> 01:08:26.040
Yeah, I've really been focusing on my love life.

1348
01:08:26.040 --> 01:08:28.560
And I really feel like I'm in a place

1349
01:08:28.560 --> 01:08:30.760
where I would really love to get married and meet someone.

1350
01:08:30.760 --> 01:08:34.520
So if you know anyone, send them my way.

1351
01:08:35.880 --> 01:08:37.240
You guys, it works.

1352
01:08:37.240 --> 01:08:38.080
So do it.

1353
01:08:39.160 --> 01:08:40.000
All right.

1354
01:08:42.359 --> 01:08:43.600
Anyone wanna unmute themselves

1355
01:08:43.600 --> 01:08:45.439
and ask any questions about any of the phases

1356
01:08:45.439 --> 01:08:47.399
or anything that we talked about just now?

1357
01:08:47.399 --> 01:08:49.200
And I know that small talk sucks

1358
01:08:49.200 --> 01:08:50.760
on those first couple of dates,

1359
01:08:50.760 --> 01:08:54.040
but please try not to make any withdrawals

1360
01:08:54.040 --> 01:08:56.560
from the bank account before there's enough deposits made,

1361
01:08:56.560 --> 01:08:59.399
because I would hate for you to miss out on a great guy

1362
01:08:59.399 --> 01:09:02.840
because you prejudged him based on information

1363
01:09:02.840 --> 01:09:04.600
that you never should have had yet.

1364
01:09:05.760 --> 01:09:07.279
Okay?

1365
01:09:07.279 --> 01:09:08.840
You're only trying to keep yourself safe

1366
01:09:08.840 --> 01:09:12.000
when you have that huge interrogation list anyway,

1367
01:09:12.000 --> 01:09:13.560
and you're God-defended.

1368
01:09:14.800 --> 01:09:16.680
Please don't even try to date

1369
01:09:16.680 --> 01:09:19.680
if you're not gonna be willing to be God-defended.

1370
01:09:19.680 --> 01:09:21.960
You have to believe that God is with you in this season

1371
01:09:21.960 --> 01:09:23.319
and that he's gonna keep you safe.

1372
01:09:23.319 --> 01:09:25.600
He's gonna show you what you need to see

1373
01:09:25.600 --> 01:09:29.520
when and if you need to see it.

1374
01:09:29.520 --> 01:09:30.520
Say that with me.

1375
01:09:30.520 --> 01:09:32.920
God's gonna show me what I need to see

1376
01:09:32.920 --> 01:09:36.760
when and if I need to see it.

1377
01:09:36.760 --> 01:09:39.720
Now, does that mean that you check your brain

1378
01:09:39.720 --> 01:09:43.319
at the coat check when you go on a date?

1379
01:09:43.319 --> 01:09:44.200
No.

1380
01:09:44.240 --> 01:09:48.240
If something seems unsafe and your discernment is going off,

1381
01:09:48.240 --> 01:09:51.880
then you need to pay attention to that.

1382
01:09:53.240 --> 01:09:56.480
But don't go digging around trying to find dirt on someone

1383
01:09:58.120 --> 01:09:59.200
that you barely know.

1384
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.000
Okay.

1385
01:10:01.000 --> 01:10:02.000
All right.

1386
01:10:02.000 --> 01:10:03.000
Any questions?

1387
01:10:03.000 --> 01:10:04.000
Oh,

1388
01:10:04.000 --> 01:10:05.000
Go ahead.

1389
01:10:05.000 --> 01:10:06.000
Okay.

1390
01:10:06.000 --> 01:10:07.000
Oh,

1391
01:10:07.000 --> 01:10:08.000
there's a few of us.

1392
01:10:08.000 --> 01:10:09.000
Hey,

1393
01:10:09.000 --> 01:10:10.000
Laura,

1394
01:10:10.000 --> 01:10:11.000
you go.

1395
01:10:11.000 --> 01:10:12.000
I just want to say that.

1396
01:10:12.000 --> 01:10:15.000
I'm really happy to have learned this tonight because I'm mortified.

1397
01:10:15.000 --> 01:10:17.000
That there was a man in this community.

1398
01:10:17.000 --> 01:10:19.000
He was trying to explain level two dating to me.

1399
01:10:20.000 --> 01:10:21.000
And he could have been a great guy.

1400
01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:23.000
Cause I didn't understand the community dating rules.

1401
01:10:23.000 --> 01:10:24.000
So I'm happy to have learned them.

1402
01:10:24.000 --> 01:10:25.000
So thank you.

1403
01:10:25.000 --> 01:10:27.000
Are you saying this guy's from our community?

1404
01:10:27.000 --> 01:10:28.000
Yep.

1405
01:10:28.000 --> 01:10:29.000
Oh,

1406
01:10:29.000 --> 01:10:30.000
okay.

1407
01:10:30.000 --> 01:10:31.000
Okay.

1408
01:10:31.000 --> 01:10:32.000
Okay.

1409
01:10:32.000 --> 01:10:33.000
Okay.

1410
01:10:33.000 --> 01:10:34.000
Okay.

1411
01:10:34.000 --> 01:10:35.000
Okay.

1412
01:10:35.000 --> 01:10:36.000
Okay.

1413
01:10:36.000 --> 01:10:37.000
Okay.

1414
01:10:37.000 --> 01:10:38.000
Okay.

1415
01:10:38.000 --> 01:10:39.000
Okay.

1416
01:10:39.000 --> 01:10:40.000
Okay.

1417
01:10:40.000 --> 01:10:41.000
Okay.

1418
01:10:41.000 --> 01:10:42.000
Okay.

1419
01:10:42.000 --> 01:10:43.000
Okay.

1420
01:10:43.000 --> 01:10:44.000
Okay.

1421
01:10:44.000 --> 01:10:45.000
Okay.

1422
01:10:45.000 --> 01:10:46.000
Okay.

1423
01:10:46.000 --> 01:10:47.000
Okay.

1424
01:10:48.000 --> 01:10:49.000
Okay.

1425
01:10:49.000 --> 01:10:50.000
Okay.

1426
01:10:50.000 --> 01:10:51.000
Okay.

1427
01:10:51.000 --> 01:10:52.000
Okay.

1428
01:10:52.000 --> 01:10:53.000
Okay.

1429
01:10:53.000 --> 01:10:54.000
Okay.

1430
01:10:54.000 --> 01:10:55.000
Okay.

1431
01:10:55.000 --> 01:10:56.000
Okay.

1432
01:10:56.000 --> 01:10:57.000
Okay.

1433
01:10:57.000 --> 01:10:58.000
Okay.

1434
01:10:58.000 --> 01:10:59.000
Okay.

1435
01:10:59.000 --> 01:11:00.000
Oh,

1436
01:11:00.000 --> 01:11:01.000
well,

1437
01:11:01.000 --> 01:11:02.000
Laura,

1438
01:11:02.000 --> 01:11:03.000
you can always circle back around and say,

1439
01:11:03.000 --> 01:11:04.000
Oh,

1440
01:11:04.000 --> 01:11:05.000
Hey,

1441
01:11:05.000 --> 01:11:06.000
guess what?

1442
01:11:06.000 --> 01:11:07.000
I had my dating one-on-one class and now I get what you mean.

1443
01:11:07.000 --> 01:11:08.000
And Hey,

1444
01:11:08.000 --> 01:11:09.000
cool.

1445
01:11:09.000 --> 01:11:11.000
I actually sent the guy an apology note during this class of,

1446
01:11:11.000 --> 01:11:12.000
Hey,

1447
01:11:12.000 --> 01:11:14.000
I completely misunderstood what you were talking about.

1448
01:11:14.000 --> 01:11:15.000
And I learned that tonight in Jackie's class.

1449
01:11:15.000 --> 01:11:16.000
Please accept my apology.

1450
01:11:16.000 --> 01:11:17.000
Okay.

1451
01:11:17.000 --> 01:11:18.000
Okay.

1452
01:11:18.000 --> 01:11:19.000
Okay.

1453
01:11:19.000 --> 01:11:20.000
Okay.

1454
01:11:20.000 --> 01:11:21.000
Okay.

1455
01:11:21.000 --> 01:11:22.000
Okay.

1456
01:11:22.000 --> 01:11:23.000
Okay.

1457
01:11:23.000 --> 01:11:24.000
I have a question when I was,

1458
01:11:24.000 --> 01:11:25.000
can you hear me?

1459
01:11:25.000 --> 01:11:26.000
Yeah.

1460
01:11:26.000 --> 01:11:27.000
Okay.

1461
01:11:27.000 --> 01:11:28.000
When I was in the middle of heart,

1462
01:11:28.000 --> 01:11:29.000
the heart work course,

1463
01:11:29.000 --> 01:11:31.000
A friend that I worked with wanted to set me up with someone.

1464
01:11:31.000 --> 01:11:32.000
And I said,

1465
01:11:32.000 --> 01:11:33.000
I'm open to it,

1466
01:11:33.000 --> 01:11:35.000
but after I finished this course,

1467
01:11:35.000 --> 01:11:38.000
She did send a mutual text between us.

1468
01:11:38.000 --> 01:11:40.000
And I guess he had let her know that he's just really busy for the

1469
01:11:40.000 --> 01:11:41.000
next few weeks.

1470
01:11:41.000 --> 01:11:43.000
So.

1471
01:11:43.000 --> 01:11:44.000
Okay.

1472
01:11:44.000 --> 01:11:45.000
Okay.

1473
01:11:45.000 --> 01:11:46.000
I have a question.

1474
01:11:46.000 --> 01:11:50.000
So could apply to other people.

1475
01:11:50.000 --> 01:11:51.000
So with a set up,

1476
01:11:51.000 --> 01:11:53.000
should we let kind of the guy take the lead?

1477
01:11:53.000 --> 01:11:55.000
Because no one said anything.

1478
01:11:55.000 --> 01:11:57.000
And he said he was open privately.

1479
01:11:57.000 --> 01:11:58.000
And I just don't really know because I'm.

1480
01:11:58.000 --> 01:11:59.000
Yeah.

1481
01:11:59.000 --> 01:12:00.000
Okay.

1482
01:12:00.000 --> 01:12:02.000
So, okay.

1483
01:12:02.000 --> 01:12:04.000
So in all instances,

1484
01:12:04.000 --> 01:12:06.000
regardless of where you've met the guy at,

1485
01:12:06.000 --> 01:12:12.000
it doesn't matter.

1486
01:12:12.000 --> 01:12:13.000
Okay.

1487
01:12:13.000 --> 01:12:16.000
If after we have a face-to-face date with a man,

1488
01:12:16.000 --> 01:12:21.000
if he is not showing interest in us and showing interest in seeing us

1489
01:12:21.000 --> 01:12:22.000
again,

1490
01:12:22.000 --> 01:12:24.000
Then he probably didn't feel connected to us.

1491
01:12:24.000 --> 01:12:25.000
And,

1492
01:12:25.000 --> 01:12:29.000
or he just isn't in a season where he's looking for a romance.

1493
01:12:29.000 --> 01:12:30.000
Okay.

1494
01:12:30.000 --> 01:12:31.000
And that's okay.

1495
01:12:31.000 --> 01:12:32.000
Divine rejection is important.

1496
01:12:32.000 --> 01:12:34.000
We can only have one y'all.

1497
01:12:34.000 --> 01:12:35.000
Right.

1498
01:12:35.000 --> 01:12:36.000
So not everyone can love us.

1499
01:12:36.000 --> 01:12:38.000
And then how are we ever even going to choose?

1500
01:12:38.000 --> 01:12:40.000
If we have all these different suitors,

1501
01:12:40.000 --> 01:12:41.000
right.

1502
01:12:41.000 --> 01:12:42.000
If we have all these different suitors,

1503
01:12:42.000 --> 01:12:43.000
if we have all these different people,

1504
01:12:43.000 --> 01:12:44.000
if we have all these different people,

1505
01:12:44.000 --> 01:12:45.000
if we have all these different people,

1506
01:12:45.000 --> 01:12:46.000
it's important that we understand.

1507
01:12:46.000 --> 01:12:47.000
Let them weed themselves out.

1508
01:12:47.000 --> 01:12:48.000
Ladies.

1509
01:12:48.000 --> 01:12:49.000
Don't weed them out.

1510
01:12:49.000 --> 01:12:50.000
Let them weed themselves out.

1511
01:12:50.000 --> 01:12:51.000
So.

1512
01:12:51.000 --> 01:12:52.000
It's okay.

1513
01:12:52.000 --> 01:12:53.000
If you,

1514
01:12:53.000 --> 01:12:56.000
if someone gave you numbers and exchange numbers already.

1515
01:12:56.000 --> 01:12:57.000
It's okay for you to.

1516
01:12:57.000 --> 01:13:00.000
Initiate.

1517
01:13:00.000 --> 01:13:10.000
Until you make it to that first date.

1518
01:13:10.000 --> 01:13:11.000
Okay.

1519
01:13:11.000 --> 01:13:12.000
So.

1520
01:13:12.000 --> 01:13:13.000
If they're busy,

1521
01:13:13.000 --> 01:13:15.000
usually as an indication that for whatever reason,

1522
01:13:15.000 --> 01:13:16.000
this person's not feeling it.

1523
01:13:16.000 --> 01:13:18.000
And you're not going to get them.

1524
01:13:18.000 --> 01:13:19.000
You're not going to take them,

1525
01:13:19.000 --> 01:13:21.000
drag them kicking and screaming to a date.

1526
01:13:21.000 --> 01:13:23.000
They at least have to.

1527
01:13:23.000 --> 01:13:25.000
Want to engage.

1528
01:13:25.000 --> 01:13:26.000
Right.

1529
01:13:26.000 --> 01:13:27.000
Important.

1530
01:13:27.000 --> 01:13:32.000
So after the first face to face.

1531
01:13:32.000 --> 01:13:34.000
And that includes face time.

1532
01:13:34.000 --> 01:13:35.000
Anytime.

1533
01:13:35.000 --> 01:13:37.000
As soon as they've seen your face,

1534
01:13:37.000 --> 01:13:38.000
there's grace on your face.

1535
01:13:39.000 --> 01:13:42.000
And you guys have hung out with each other where they can see your face

1536
01:13:42.000 --> 01:13:45.000
and they can hear your voice and your body language.

1537
01:13:45.000 --> 01:13:50.000
If they are not trying to get with you again.

1538
01:13:50.000 --> 01:13:53.000
Then for whatever reason, they don't.

1539
01:13:53.000 --> 01:13:57.000
They're not feeling the connection and that's okay.

1540
01:13:57.000 --> 01:13:59.000
But until then, until the face to face,

1541
01:13:59.000 --> 01:14:02.000
you definitely can be as flirty as you want.

1542
01:14:02.000 --> 01:14:05.000
You can, you can help plan the first date.

1543
01:14:05.000 --> 01:14:07.000
I know we're like, oh, well they need to be intentional.

1544
01:14:07.000 --> 01:14:08.000
They need to pursue me.

1545
01:14:08.000 --> 01:14:09.000
They need to make the plan.

1546
01:14:09.000 --> 01:14:11.000
Girl, you're going to be waiting a long time.

1547
01:14:11.000 --> 01:14:13.000
Or are you going to end up with some player that is just like,

1548
01:14:13.000 --> 01:14:16.000
knows all his stuff.

1549
01:14:16.000 --> 01:14:17.000
Help a dude out.

1550
01:14:17.000 --> 01:14:18.000
They don't know where to go.

1551
01:14:18.000 --> 01:14:20.000
They don't know where you want to go.

1552
01:14:20.000 --> 01:14:22.000
And a lot of men have no experience dating.

1553
01:14:22.000 --> 01:14:25.000
They don't know how to date.

1554
01:14:25.000 --> 01:14:26.000
Especially the divorced ones.

1555
01:14:26.000 --> 01:14:28.000
They've been married all their lives.

1556
01:14:28.000 --> 01:14:30.000
They were married all their life.

1557
01:14:30.000 --> 01:14:31.000
They didn't have to date.

1558
01:14:31.000 --> 01:14:32.000
They were married.

1559
01:14:32.000 --> 01:14:35.000
I know that sounds terrible, but it's true.

1560
01:14:36.000 --> 01:14:40.000
And I guarantee you their wives were the ones that drove most of that

1561
01:14:40.000 --> 01:14:43.000
community and their friend groups and their interactions.

1562
01:14:43.000 --> 01:14:46.000
Why? Because that's what women do.

1563
01:14:46.000 --> 01:14:48.000
A lot of times women will give me a list of what they want to marry.

1564
01:14:48.000 --> 01:14:52.000
And I'm like, oh, you want to marry a woman.

1565
01:14:52.000 --> 01:14:53.000
That's what you want.

1566
01:14:53.000 --> 01:14:54.000
You want another woman.

1567
01:14:54.000 --> 01:14:58.000
Because the list that you've given me describes a woman.

1568
01:14:58.000 --> 01:15:00.000
Now, does that mean that men can be apathetic?

1569
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.200
headache that they can not be intentional or no, it doesn't mean that, but it does mean

1570
01:15:07.200 --> 01:15:14.120
that you need to be careful what you're judging a man on, right?

1571
01:15:14.120 --> 01:15:22.120
You don't want to be judging him, uh, on how well he does ABCD EFG when it's not that type

1572
01:15:22.120 --> 01:15:23.120
of event, right?

1573
01:15:24.120 --> 01:15:31.000
It's like the Olympic judges judging a diver on the same criteria as they would a gymnast.

1574
01:15:31.000 --> 01:15:32.240
It doesn't make sense.

1575
01:15:32.240 --> 01:15:35.680
Or that they would a skier or a bowler or something.

1576
01:15:35.680 --> 01:15:41.080
You need to make sure that the things that you want him to display are things that make

1577
01:15:41.080 --> 01:15:45.440
sense for the level of relationship that you're at with him.

1578
01:15:45.440 --> 01:15:46.440
Okay?

1579
01:15:46.440 --> 01:15:50.560
Now, if someone wants to court you, then you can expect a lot more intentionality.

1580
01:15:50.560 --> 01:15:52.840
You can expect a lot more attention.

1581
01:15:52.840 --> 01:15:55.320
You can expect a lot more time investment.

1582
01:15:55.320 --> 01:16:01.200
If someone wants to marry you, be engaged to you, then once again, the level gets upgraded

1583
01:16:01.200 --> 01:16:12.520
to more of the intentionality and the attention and the, all the things, a lot of people ask,

1584
01:16:12.520 --> 01:16:17.720
what do you do in between dates when things are going well, or what do you even do before

1585
01:16:17.720 --> 01:16:23.440
you get to the date when there's just a lot of communicating over technology, like whether

1586
01:16:23.440 --> 01:16:24.840
it's on a dating app.

1587
01:16:24.840 --> 01:16:28.520
So what I like, and you're going to hear more about this in an online dating, but if you

1588
01:16:28.520 --> 01:16:34.440
met over an app, getting off the app is important to a phone call.

1589
01:16:34.440 --> 01:16:37.940
You'll be taught how to set up a Google voice for yourself.

1590
01:16:37.940 --> 01:16:39.120
So it's like a phone number.

1591
01:16:39.120 --> 01:16:40.120
That's not your phone number.

1592
01:16:40.120 --> 01:16:44.320
So you can start texting and calling instead of giving your phone number out, but it's

1593
01:16:44.320 --> 01:16:49.520
good to get off the app as long as you're not with a scammer who's trying to get you

1594
01:16:49.520 --> 01:16:57.920
onto another like a app that has like whatever features it is that they're trying to do that

1595
01:16:57.920 --> 01:16:58.920
with.

1596
01:16:58.920 --> 01:16:59.920
And you'll learn all about that in online dating.

1597
01:16:59.920 --> 01:17:04.240
I'm not even going to get into that right now, but say you're with a real person for

1598
01:17:04.240 --> 01:17:08.040
the sake of what I'm about to say, say, this is a real guy.

1599
01:17:08.040 --> 01:17:11.000
You're having great conversation with him.

1600
01:17:11.000 --> 01:17:13.040
How often should you text him?

1601
01:17:13.040 --> 01:17:16.160
Like maybe you haven't gotten together yet.

1602
01:17:16.160 --> 01:17:21.840
You should reciprocate at whatever level he is, whatever he's doing, reciprocate.

1603
01:17:21.840 --> 01:17:22.840
Okay.

1604
01:17:22.840 --> 01:17:25.840
So if he's texting you and checking in on you, this is what a guy will do.

1605
01:17:25.840 --> 01:17:33.680
If he's, if he's feeling the connection, he will send you text messages.

1606
01:17:33.680 --> 01:17:34.680
He'll send you memes.

1607
01:17:34.680 --> 01:17:36.280
He'll send you funny little things.

1608
01:17:36.280 --> 01:17:37.840
He'll send you little flirts.

1609
01:17:37.840 --> 01:17:40.160
They'll be checking in on you a couple of times a day.

1610
01:17:40.160 --> 01:17:41.160
How are you doing?

1611
01:17:41.160 --> 01:17:42.160
How's your day going?

1612
01:17:42.160 --> 01:17:43.160
What did you do today?

1613
01:17:43.160 --> 01:17:45.480
That's what will happen.

1614
01:17:45.480 --> 01:17:49.720
Even after you see each other in person, that's not sustainable.

1615
01:17:49.720 --> 01:17:50.720
Okay.

1616
01:17:50.720 --> 01:17:52.120
That happens at first.

1617
01:17:52.120 --> 01:17:57.660
It's normal for that to, to ebb and flow a little bit.

1618
01:17:57.660 --> 01:18:02.680
So maybe like you had a great first date and now you're going to go on a second date.

1619
01:18:02.680 --> 01:18:06.400
He's already asked you, it's already planned, but maybe he's not texting you as much as

1620
01:18:06.400 --> 01:18:10.920
he did before the first date, because once again, it's not sustainable to be checking

1621
01:18:10.920 --> 01:18:14.400
in four or five times a day and all the things.

1622
01:18:14.400 --> 01:18:19.080
But you'll notice that right before the date happens to say the dates on Saturday, like

1623
01:18:19.080 --> 01:18:24.320
the first, the couple of days before that, the communication will pick up a little bit

1624
01:18:24.320 --> 01:18:27.160
in anticipation of what's about to happen.

1625
01:18:27.160 --> 01:18:32.280
So feel free to flirt, to send memes, to send funny things, show them that you were paying

1626
01:18:32.280 --> 01:18:34.380
attention to them on the date.

1627
01:18:34.380 --> 01:18:37.160
So if they said, Oh, Hey, they love football season.

1628
01:18:37.160 --> 01:18:38.160
They love fantasy football.

1629
01:18:38.160 --> 01:18:40.840
Send them a funny meme about fantasy football.

1630
01:18:40.840 --> 01:18:41.840
You know what I'm saying?

1631
01:18:41.840 --> 01:18:44.520
Like show them that you were listening.

1632
01:18:44.520 --> 01:18:47.680
This is how you show someone that you can see them.

1633
01:18:47.680 --> 01:18:49.200
All right.

1634
01:18:49.200 --> 01:18:53.200
It's by doing that kind of stuff on fur on dates.

1635
01:18:53.200 --> 01:18:57.640
Here's the things that I want you to stay away from on those initial dates.

1636
01:18:57.640 --> 01:18:58.640
Nothing negative.

1637
01:18:58.640 --> 01:19:00.120
Ladies don't talk about anything negative.

1638
01:19:00.120 --> 01:19:01.900
Don't talk about the president.

1639
01:19:01.900 --> 01:19:03.560
Don't talk about your church.

1640
01:19:03.560 --> 01:19:05.440
Don't talk about your job that you hate.

1641
01:19:05.440 --> 01:19:09.120
Don't talk about Xs, no X and no sex.

1642
01:19:09.120 --> 01:19:13.480
We don't have those conversations on these, getting to know you meetups.

1643
01:19:13.480 --> 01:19:18.280
If you start talking about sex, then you can't stop talking about it because once you open

1644
01:19:18.280 --> 01:19:25.600
the sex box with the dude, then he's going to be bringing up questions about that, right?

1645
01:19:25.600 --> 01:19:30.560
If a guy asks you on a date in the Christian context of, Hey, have you ever had sex before?

1646
01:19:30.560 --> 01:19:31.880
That's the yellow flag for me.

1647
01:19:31.880 --> 01:19:35.360
Why are you asking me if I've ever had sex before?

1648
01:19:35.360 --> 01:19:37.040
That's none of your fricking business.

1649
01:19:37.040 --> 01:19:38.040
And you know what?

1650
01:19:38.040 --> 01:19:39.040
That's okay for you.

1651
01:19:39.040 --> 01:19:40.960
And I know women are so polite.

1652
01:19:40.960 --> 01:19:41.960
Stop being polite.

1653
01:19:41.960 --> 01:19:45.160
There's a difference between being polite and being kind.

1654
01:19:45.160 --> 01:19:46.160
Okay.

1655
01:19:46.160 --> 01:19:50.920
And so if a man asks you an inappropriate question about your sexuality, like, have you ever

1656
01:19:50.920 --> 01:19:51.920
had sex?

1657
01:19:51.920 --> 01:19:56.200
And he might say something like, well, my former spouse hated to have sex, never wanted

1658
01:19:56.200 --> 01:19:57.680
to have sex with me.

1659
01:19:57.680 --> 01:20:00.000
So I just making sure that whoever I date or.

1660
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.800
whoever I fall in love with really enjoy sex.

1661
01:20:02.800 --> 01:20:07.760
No, that's inappropriate question, okay?

1662
01:20:07.760 --> 01:20:09.880
And so if someone says something like that to you,

1663
01:20:09.880 --> 01:20:14.120
you need to be ready with a response to that, right?

1664
01:20:14.120 --> 01:20:15.880
If someone asked me that question,

1665
01:20:15.880 --> 01:20:17.640
as I'm just getting to know them,

1666
01:20:17.640 --> 01:20:21.200
I would say, well, as soon as they say that,

1667
01:20:21.200 --> 01:20:24.740
I would say, I'm so sorry to hear about you

1668
01:20:24.740 --> 01:20:26.800
and your former spouse's sex life,

1669
01:20:26.800 --> 01:20:29.800
but that's really a TMI.

1670
01:20:29.840 --> 01:20:32.200
It's too much information for this conversation.

1671
01:20:33.920 --> 01:20:34.920
What does that do?

1672
01:20:34.920 --> 01:20:38.360
You say it in a kind tone, but it's letting them know

1673
01:20:38.360 --> 01:20:40.140
you're barking up the wrong tree, buddy.

1674
01:20:40.140 --> 01:20:42.480
So if you think that you and I are about to have a sex talk,

1675
01:20:42.480 --> 01:20:43.320
you're wrong.

1676
01:20:44.360 --> 01:20:47.120
But if he did it ignorantly

1677
01:20:47.120 --> 01:20:48.560
and he just really doesn't know what he's doing

1678
01:20:48.560 --> 01:20:51.280
and he really is afraid that he's gonna end up

1679
01:20:51.280 --> 01:20:54.140
in a relationship with some rigid or frigid woman,

1680
01:20:54.140 --> 01:20:56.000
that shows him right there

1681
01:20:56.000 --> 01:20:59.320
that you're not going to have that conversation.

1682
01:20:59.320 --> 01:21:02.120
And if he treats you respectfully,

1683
01:21:02.120 --> 01:21:04.360
then you can continue to have conversation

1684
01:21:04.360 --> 01:21:06.120
because some men just really don't know

1685
01:21:06.120 --> 01:21:07.600
that that's inappropriate

1686
01:21:07.600 --> 01:21:10.120
and some men are doing it to bait you.

1687
01:21:10.120 --> 01:21:12.120
They're fishing to see if they can get you

1688
01:21:12.120 --> 01:21:16.360
into some inappropriate sexual conversation, right?

1689
01:21:16.360 --> 01:21:18.700
Either because you're too polite to shut it down

1690
01:21:18.700 --> 01:21:21.400
or you're feeling kind of frisky too.

1691
01:21:21.400 --> 01:21:22.800
You're a little horny yourself

1692
01:21:22.800 --> 01:21:25.400
and you're ready to have a sex conversation with you.

1693
01:21:25.400 --> 01:21:28.240
I have a student right now

1694
01:21:28.240 --> 01:21:31.420
who her date wanted her to know

1695
01:21:31.420 --> 01:21:35.060
that he has an unusually large package.

1696
01:21:36.840 --> 01:21:37.680
What?

1697
01:21:41.120 --> 01:21:42.840
And wants to make sure he's married,

1698
01:21:42.840 --> 01:21:45.740
ends up dating and married to someone who can handle that.

1699
01:21:48.000 --> 01:21:49.400
That is a red flag.

1700
01:21:50.740 --> 01:21:51.800
That is a red flag.

1701
01:21:51.800 --> 01:21:54.240
Anytime a man talks about his penis to you

1702
01:21:54.240 --> 01:21:55.960
as you're getting to know him,

1703
01:21:55.960 --> 01:21:57.400
that's a big fat red flag.

1704
01:21:58.240 --> 01:21:59.800
Okay?

1705
01:21:59.800 --> 01:22:02.160
Right, it is.

1706
01:22:02.160 --> 01:22:04.280
All right, and so we don't,

1707
01:22:04.280 --> 01:22:05.200
and this is why, ladies,

1708
01:22:05.200 --> 01:22:07.360
this is why we don't bring up our stance

1709
01:22:07.360 --> 01:22:10.440
on sex before marriage in these preliminary dates

1710
01:22:10.440 --> 01:22:12.640
because once you say the word sex,

1711
01:22:13.840 --> 01:22:17.720
you have opened the sex conversation.

1712
01:22:17.720 --> 01:22:21.000
And there isn't any reason to have that conversation.

1713
01:22:21.000 --> 01:22:22.160
There's not.

1714
01:22:22.160 --> 01:22:25.360
Until that relationship turns romantic

1715
01:22:25.360 --> 01:22:27.760
and it's going towards a romantic place,

1716
01:22:27.760 --> 01:22:28.720
that is when you say,

1717
01:22:28.720 --> 01:22:32.200
hey, I'm definitely feeling this connection with you.

1718
01:22:32.200 --> 01:22:34.640
Maybe you held hands or you kissed or whatever,

1719
01:22:34.640 --> 01:22:35.720
but I just want to let you know,

1720
01:22:35.720 --> 01:22:37.200
I think it's important for us

1721
01:22:37.200 --> 01:22:41.240
to have a conversation about this.

1722
01:22:41.240 --> 01:22:43.400
That's when you have that conversation, okay?

1723
01:22:43.400 --> 01:22:44.580
If they bring it up,

1724
01:22:46.160 --> 01:22:48.400
if they bring it up honorably,

1725
01:22:48.400 --> 01:22:49.280
like for instance,

1726
01:22:49.280 --> 01:22:52.000
you're on a second date and they say,

1727
01:22:52.000 --> 01:22:53.720
how do you feel about sex before marriage?

1728
01:22:53.720 --> 01:22:55.880
I just want to let you know that I'm abstaining

1729
01:22:55.920 --> 01:22:59.720
and I don't believe sex before marriage is right.

1730
01:22:59.720 --> 01:23:00.960
That's completely honorable.

1731
01:23:00.960 --> 01:23:02.840
If they bring it up, you can just say,

1732
01:23:02.840 --> 01:23:03.720
I agree with you.

1733
01:23:03.720 --> 01:23:06.000
I'm of the exact same mindset.

1734
01:23:06.000 --> 01:23:06.840
That's it.

1735
01:23:06.840 --> 01:23:08.080
Drop the subject.

1736
01:23:08.080 --> 01:23:09.120
Okay?

1737
01:23:09.120 --> 01:23:09.960
All right.

1738
01:23:09.960 --> 01:23:12.240
So no ex talk, no sex talk.

1739
01:23:14.200 --> 01:23:15.880
I already told you, don't use,

1740
01:23:15.880 --> 01:23:19.480
if your love language is words of affirmation

1741
01:23:19.480 --> 01:23:21.280
and you're really feeling this guy,

1742
01:23:21.280 --> 01:23:23.880
you are the people that might say things like,

1743
01:23:23.880 --> 01:23:25.920
this is the best date I've ever been on.

1744
01:23:25.920 --> 01:23:26.960
Oh, I can't believe this.

1745
01:23:26.960 --> 01:23:28.440
I feel so connected to you.

1746
01:23:28.440 --> 01:23:30.040
Remember that's your gift.

1747
01:23:30.040 --> 01:23:32.040
That's now being overextended

1748
01:23:32.040 --> 01:23:35.480
because you don't know this person that well.

1749
01:23:35.480 --> 01:23:36.720
And in two more dates,

1750
01:23:36.720 --> 01:23:37.920
you might change your mind.

1751
01:23:37.920 --> 01:23:38.760
You might be like,

1752
01:23:38.760 --> 01:23:39.600
this is the worst person

1753
01:23:39.600 --> 01:23:41.120
that I've ever been on a date with.

1754
01:23:41.120 --> 01:23:44.920
So let's curb the enthusiasm

1755
01:23:44.920 --> 01:23:46.160
until we get to know them better.

1756
01:23:46.160 --> 01:23:47.000
Okay.

1757
01:23:47.000 --> 01:23:48.560
Any questions about any of that stuff?

1758
01:23:48.560 --> 01:23:50.440
Guys, small talk is not fun,

1759
01:23:50.440 --> 01:23:52.400
but it's appropriate at the beginning.

1760
01:23:53.880 --> 01:23:54.720
All right.

1761
01:23:54.720 --> 01:23:56.120
I'm going to just, I'm going to,

1762
01:23:56.120 --> 01:23:57.440
if you have any questions at all,

1763
01:23:57.440 --> 01:23:58.640
please ask them.

1764
01:23:58.640 --> 01:24:00.840
I want to let you guys go soon.

1765
01:24:00.840 --> 01:24:03.000
You are going to have a whole dating,

1766
01:24:03.000 --> 01:24:04.760
online dating class

1767
01:24:04.760 --> 01:24:07.000
that's going to talk about how to navigate that,

1768
01:24:07.000 --> 01:24:08.040
how to make your profiles,

1769
01:24:08.040 --> 01:24:09.640
what you should put on your profiles,

1770
01:24:09.640 --> 01:24:11.280
what apps we like best

1771
01:24:11.280 --> 01:24:12.360
that everyone's saying,

1772
01:24:12.360 --> 01:24:14.000
hey, I'm having luck here

1773
01:24:14.000 --> 01:24:14.840
and this is good

1774
01:24:14.840 --> 01:24:15.880
and all the things.

1775
01:24:15.880 --> 01:24:17.480
More than friends or not,

1776
01:24:17.480 --> 01:24:19.120
this is where we're going to end tonight.

1777
01:24:19.120 --> 01:24:21.320
If you are a friend of mine,

1778
01:24:21.560 --> 01:24:23.240
this is where we're going to end tonight.

1779
01:24:23.240 --> 01:24:25.160
If you have someone

1780
01:24:25.160 --> 01:24:27.160
who has been your friend

1781
01:24:27.160 --> 01:24:29.720
and now you have feelings for them,

1782
01:24:29.720 --> 01:24:31.040
it's important that you're honest

1783
01:24:31.040 --> 01:24:32.280
with them about that.

1784
01:24:32.280 --> 01:24:34.280
It's about risk versus reward.

1785
01:24:34.280 --> 01:24:35.760
I understand that you're taking a risk

1786
01:24:35.760 --> 01:24:38.440
of losing that friendship,

1787
01:24:38.440 --> 01:24:42.520
but you don't want to be their friend, right?

1788
01:24:42.520 --> 01:24:44.600
And so instead of pining away

1789
01:24:44.600 --> 01:24:45.440
for this person,

1790
01:24:45.440 --> 01:24:47.280
because they probably already know

1791
01:24:48.280 --> 01:24:51.440
that there's some other dynamic happening here.

1792
01:24:51.440 --> 01:24:54.560
So just go ahead and say,

1793
01:24:54.560 --> 01:24:57.520
I could see this going further than friends.

1794
01:24:57.520 --> 01:24:59.120
Do you see that?

1795
01:24:59.120 --> 01:24:59.960
Do you see?

1796
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.720
that as well. Do you see any potential for us being more than friends? And if they say yes,

1797
01:25:04.720 --> 01:25:08.160
then you can have a discussion about what that might look like. If they say no,

1798
01:25:08.160 --> 01:25:11.040
then you're very honorable about that. You're like, thanks for letting me know.

1799
01:25:11.600 --> 01:25:18.320
I really appreciate you. I admire you as a person. And that's why I have felt like I would like to be

1800
01:25:18.320 --> 01:25:23.520
more than friends, but I honor your no. And there isn't a reason why you can't be friends with them

1801
01:25:23.520 --> 01:25:30.720
still. But in order for you to let go of that situation ship and that fantasy, sometimes our

1802
01:25:30.720 --> 01:25:35.040
delusions ships have to do with a friend. And then we think that we are reading into their

1803
01:25:35.040 --> 01:25:39.840
behavior all the time, but they like us more than maybe they do. That will free you up to

1804
01:25:39.840 --> 01:25:44.720
actually be able to be in relationship with someone that you may not be able to continue

1805
01:25:44.720 --> 01:25:51.200
that friendship anyway, because your actual real boyfriend, fiance, husband might not want you

1806
01:25:51.200 --> 01:25:58.160
to be in a best friendship with a man. Right. And then if someone comes to you that you've known for

1807
01:25:58.160 --> 01:26:02.000
a really long time and you're not willing to entertain more than friends, you just know in

1808
01:26:02.000 --> 01:26:06.160
your heart that there's nothing there and you've done your heartwork and you've let go of your

1809
01:26:06.160 --> 01:26:11.520
types and you've given it a chance with the Lord. And you're like, no, I just can't do this.

1810
01:26:11.520 --> 01:26:16.320
Then you want to validate their feelings. Okay. You want to put yourself in their shoes,

1811
01:26:16.320 --> 01:26:21.680
validate them, let them know you really admire them, but there just is not, you don't feel the

1812
01:26:21.680 --> 01:26:27.680
way about them that a woman needs to feel about a man in order for it to be a romance. And,

1813
01:26:27.680 --> 01:26:33.520
and then if they pull away a little bit, let them. Cause some of y'all are guilty of having men in

1814
01:26:33.520 --> 01:26:37.280
the friend zone that pay a lot of attention to you and do a lot of things for you that you have

1815
01:26:37.280 --> 01:26:43.440
no intention of ever being romantically involved with, but you know, they like you and you're using

1816
01:26:43.440 --> 01:26:50.640
them for attention and for validation. And that's wrong, y'all. That is a hundred percent wrong.

1817
01:26:51.360 --> 01:26:58.560
And so if you're doing that, stop doing it for real. Stop playing with that man and let,

1818
01:26:58.560 --> 01:27:03.360
and set him free. And yeah, there's going to be a space there. There's going to be a void there.

1819
01:27:04.000 --> 01:27:10.000
There is, you're going to have to get your self-esteem from someplace else. How about Jesus?

1820
01:27:10.480 --> 01:27:18.480
Cool. I had that. Look, I ain't judging you. I let, I, I strung a dude along for like six years

1821
01:27:19.280 --> 01:27:26.160
knowing he was madly in love with me. We dated briefly, but then friendship knowing that he was

1822
01:27:26.160 --> 01:27:31.920
madly in love with me would have married me the next day probably. But I did not have those feelings

1823
01:27:32.800 --> 01:27:40.560
for him. And, but I love the attention and I love the support. I love all the,

1824
01:27:40.560 --> 01:27:45.760
all those things. And I had to set him free. The Lord, the Lord checked me.

1825
01:27:48.160 --> 01:27:53.360
He did. He said, he said, remove yourself. I'm going to remove you. And I said, Oh,

1826
01:27:53.360 --> 01:27:58.880
I'm going to remove myself from this situation. Not like remove me, like kill me, but just like,

1827
01:27:58.880 --> 01:28:04.400
Hey, you know what? Fall on the rocks. So you, the rock doesn't have to fall on you. Amen. All

1828
01:28:04.400 --> 01:28:17.280
right. Any questions? That's it. Any questions, ladies? 90 minutes. We made it been helpful.

1829
01:28:17.280 --> 01:28:22.720
Is it helpful? You guys feel empowered. You're going to get out there. You're going to have

1830
01:28:22.720 --> 01:28:26.960
conversations with strangers. You're going to give, you're going to give God all the opportunities

1831
01:28:27.840 --> 01:28:36.960
to match you, fix you up with someone, right? Yes. All right. I feel like there's going to be

1832
01:28:36.960 --> 01:28:43.680
momentum acceleration over this group after tonight. And remember you can meet someone

1833
01:28:43.680 --> 01:28:51.200
anywhere. Christians go everywhere. They're everywhere, everywhere. Can you, I'll answer

1834
01:28:51.200 --> 01:28:55.280
this question since you guys didn't ask it. Can you, can you go out with someone if you don't

1835
01:28:55.520 --> 01:28:59.680
really know where they are in their faith? You don't know where they are in their faith until

1836
01:28:59.680 --> 01:29:04.160
you know where they are in their faith. And that's not something that everyone wears on their sleeve.

1837
01:29:04.160 --> 01:29:08.000
If you meet them in a spiritual context, you might think where they are with their faith. Cause you

1838
01:29:08.000 --> 01:29:12.400
met them at a church or something. And you're like, well, they were there. It doesn't mean just

1839
01:29:12.400 --> 01:29:16.080
because they were there that you should let your, you should completely just like, like I said,

1840
01:29:16.080 --> 01:29:21.360
check your brain at the coat check and not pay attention to the fruit of their lives.

1841
01:29:21.360 --> 01:29:26.560
But then at the same time, there are other men that maybe you don't really know where they are

1842
01:29:26.560 --> 01:29:31.600
spiritually, but you'll find that out as you get to know them. Right. Do I believe that you should

1843
01:29:31.600 --> 01:29:36.720
be with a Christ follower? A hundred percent. Should you also be with someone who's hungry

1844
01:29:36.720 --> 01:29:42.560
and teachable and wants more and more and more? Yes. But only if you're like that,

1845
01:29:42.560 --> 01:29:46.160
please don't expect to have a man like that. If you're kind of a lukewarm Christian,

1846
01:29:46.720 --> 01:29:51.680
if you're someone who's not following after Christ, if you're someone who is sort of just

1847
01:29:51.680 --> 01:29:56.480
religious in your thinking, but you're not trying to grow and you're not trying to stretch yourself

1848
01:29:57.120 --> 01:29:59.760
into more discipleship, then don't expect.

1849
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.840
have a man like that. Okay. I know we think men are supposed to spiritually lead us closer to Jesus,

1850
01:30:05.840 --> 01:30:10.320
but that's not really what that scripture is talking about. And that scripture, I believe

1851
01:30:10.320 --> 01:30:17.920
that we together will help each other be more connected to Christ and grow together. But the

1852
01:30:17.920 --> 01:30:22.320
spiritual leadership of the man, he doesn't have to know the Bible better than you. So a lot of,

1853
01:30:22.320 --> 01:30:27.760
a lot of female Christians, they, they work this like a job. They've been missionaries. They've

1854
01:30:27.760 --> 01:30:32.080
been in all kinds of ministry schools. They've done all kinds of things that maybe men didn't

1855
01:30:32.080 --> 01:30:36.560
get to do because they were working full-time or they were doing this or that. And so it's

1856
01:30:36.560 --> 01:30:44.000
not about that. What it's about is, is that is, is he through his relationship with you? Is he

1857
01:30:44.000 --> 01:30:50.320
making you want to draw closer to the Lord? Is he teachable? Is he willing to be in mentorship with

1858
01:30:50.320 --> 01:30:58.480
other men? Is he willing to grow? And does he want to cover you and protect you within relationships

1859
01:30:58.480 --> 01:31:02.320
spiritually? Those are some of the things he might not even fully know what all that means,

1860
01:31:02.320 --> 01:31:10.960
but is he willing to find out what it means? And I will say this ladies, if a guy is really

1861
01:31:10.960 --> 01:31:14.800
sexually attracted to you and he knows that that's what it's, what's important to you,

1862
01:31:15.680 --> 01:31:21.600
please don't fall for men who are going through all the motions and jumping through all the hoops,

1863
01:31:21.600 --> 01:31:27.280
just because they want to eventually jump through the hoop into your bed and they're hoping to get

1864
01:31:27.280 --> 01:31:31.920
there. And so they're willing to be all the things that you want them to be. You need to really pay

1865
01:31:31.920 --> 01:31:38.800
attention during that phase two and phase three of whether this man truly has a relationship with

1866
01:31:38.800 --> 01:31:44.000
God that he's pursuing, or he's just pursuing relationship with you. And because of that,

1867
01:31:44.000 --> 01:31:53.440
he's willing to go through all the spiritual things, right? Cause I have a couple right now

1868
01:31:53.440 --> 01:31:59.280
that's getting separated because this man really had no intention of pursuing Christ,

1869
01:31:59.280 --> 01:32:04.640
but just because he was willing to send this girl scriptures while they were dating. Yeah,

1870
01:32:04.640 --> 01:32:08.480
because that's what she started. She started sending scriptures and he started sending them

1871
01:32:08.480 --> 01:32:13.840
back and she suggested they do a devotional together. And so they started reading this book

1872
01:32:13.840 --> 01:32:19.760
together. Y'all that does not make him a Christ follower. Okay. Just because he's willing to do

1873
01:32:19.760 --> 01:32:27.360
whatever you're asking him to do, because the payoff is having sex with you. Eventually you

1874
01:32:27.360 --> 01:32:31.040
got to pay attention to that. There were a lot of red flags in this situation that she didn't

1875
01:32:31.040 --> 01:32:37.200
pay attention to. She was basically, he wasn't kicking and screaming, but she definitely was

1876
01:32:37.280 --> 01:32:42.160
dragging him through discipleship. And we don't want to do that. Do we?

1877
01:32:44.880 --> 01:32:53.680
All right. Have an amazing night and we will have next week dating online dating and don't

1878
01:32:53.680 --> 01:32:58.400
forget your divine feminine ladies. Don't forget your divine feminine. When you're showing up in

1879
01:32:58.400 --> 01:33:03.440
all these situations, apply the stuff that you already learned about the divine feminine as well.

1880
01:33:03.440 --> 01:33:07.040
And then you'll also be having a boundaries class. If you haven't already had that,

1881
01:33:07.040 --> 01:33:13.520
did you guys have that yet? Okay. So that'll help you with your no muscle. Gotta learn how to say a

1882
01:33:13.520 --> 01:33:20.000
lot of notes so that you can say one important. Yes. Someday. All right. All right. See you soon.

1883
01:33:20.000 --> 01:33:21.360
Bye everyone.