WEBVTT

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Okay, folks, so I am excited.

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My name is Renee.

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I actually think, was it me?

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I think it was me just last week with y'all, wasn't it?

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I did the Divine Feminine Teaching.

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Okay.

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Why do I feel like that was a month ago?

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I don't know why.

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I was excited, you guys.

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That was the first time I got to teach that one, and it was so good for me to like rewatch

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Jackie, do it a few times, and then me write down the notes.

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Like it really made me kind of grab a hold of that.

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So if you've not yet seen the Divine Feminine, they all really go together.

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Like the Dating 101, the Divine Feminine, the Online Dating, and the Boundaries that

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I'll be doing next week, they all work together, and you guys, they're so good for relationships

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in general.

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Like this is not just about dating, and I really love that the theme is last year single,

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and that this just isn't about you finding your spirit mate, but we all want that, right?

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But it's about becoming the best version of who God originally designed you to be.

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And it's been all this unpacking, because I don't know about you, but that's the guy

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I want to attract, like healthy Renee, not unhealthy Renee, because unhealthy Renee has

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gotten some great marriage proposals from really unhealthy men.

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So thank God, even in my brokenness, I ran from those, because those would not have been

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good marriages.

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And so what a blessing for us.

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And I know it feels like, gosh, all this stuff, and it really is.

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We're going to kind of unpack online dating, but I'm also going to really touch on what

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dating, and like you might have heard, like what's with the men's community?

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They're single nation in 1822, and I'm going to talk a little bit about what that is and

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what it's not, because I think a lot of us were really confused in the beginning.

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And so we're going to kind of unpack that, get a pen and paper.

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I normally teach this on a PowerPoint, but then I literally can only see like three of

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you in the screen.

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And so I can't tell how you're doing with it.

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So I got this handy dandy packets.

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I want you guys to grab a pen, whether you type on your computer, whether you like handwrite

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notes, scribble stuff down, whether you are the online dating expert or you're like, heck

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no, there's no way I'm getting back out there.

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I'm for you.

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I also want to tell you guys that I am old enough that, Nicole, I will try to, I'm not

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going to promise how quickly it's going to get to you.

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So don't sit back with your latte and not take notes because you think I'm sending you

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a packet.

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I think there's something about us learning and retaining when we write it down ourselves.

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So go ahead and take really good notes.

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And then it'll be a bonus if I get this packet out to you.

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I don't want you to rely on the packet because too many times people just sit back and not

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really kind of fully engaged.

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I want you fully engaged.

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So here's what I can tell you.

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I'm old enough that I was on eHarmony when eHarmony was like the very Christian place

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to go.

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And you didn't see who the guy was until like step number 20, I swear to God, like you learned

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all this stuff about him before you saw his photo.

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I'd been online before swiping because it became a thing, before we had to worry about

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catfishers, before we had to worry about spammers and scammers and all the things, and no one

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hated online dating more than me.

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So I promise you, I'm coming from a place that I get you, girl, I get you.

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And when I did the dating challenge a couple of years ago, right around this time, two

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years ago, I was like, well, goodness gracious, I run a nonprofit and I help in community

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theater.

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So I'm only ever around married men and gay men.

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This is why I'm still single.

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I'm not going to hit a dating challenge, meeting men in real life.

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I've tried, it doesn't happen.

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So I'm like, dang it, I got to go back online.

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So I really took a hold of everything that Jackie taught.

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And honestly, in the first six months, I had a different dinner date every Saturday night.

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Like I had three restaurants I rotated for.

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Like the host and hostess was like, hey, it's her again with the new guy.

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And I learned so much.

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And in the last two years, I've done, like, I don't know, I've talked to maybe 200 guys.

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I've maybe been on 50 first dates.

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There was at least three or four guys, I went a couple months in it.

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There was a guy I took all the way to the Simbas class, which is the save your marriage

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before it starts.

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It's the pre-marriage class that Jackie does here in the community.

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And then you know what, when my dad passed away very suddenly last year, I took a time

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out from dating because it was a very complicated relationship, very sudden death, lots of work

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I needed to work on.

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And so that's the beauty of this program.

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Please do not have like this FOMO, a fear of missing out, like, oh my gosh, I've got

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do in 12 months or less, because then I'm going to look like a loser if I don't like

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just throw that timeline away.

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Do not compare yourself to anybody else in this group.

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Do not compare yourself to anybody else in this community.

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You're going to find your person when you're ready, when it's time, and you're not going

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to miss them.

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Like I'm not going to miss my guy, you're not going to miss your guy.

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And I have never believed that more than I believe that now.

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And you would think I would have given up by now, but like, you know what, I'm just

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becoming a better and better version of myself.

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And all of the weirdo, funny, silly, creepy, weird dates I've been on is only helped me

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become a better human.

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And hopefully I've been a blessing to them.

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And maybe that's your attitude.

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So I kind of feel like this class is for the person who has been online and hated every

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second of it, felt like they were working a job for people who are like, heck, no,

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I don't want to get scammed.

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There's no way in heck, I don't want to be a loser.

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I think the data is 70% of people who are meeting their spouse are meeting them online

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now.

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In that Simba's class that I took, there was like 28 of us that started out, less than

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two people, like I think one person in the group was introduced by Jackie directly.

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I think two people knew their person in real life already.

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And the other like 25 people met online.

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And I'm going to hear to tell you, like if I asked what online sites I could name at

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least seven that were in that Simba's class.

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So it's less about where you go and it's about who you are and how you show up.

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So just remember that.

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So I want to make this fun for you guys.

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I just had a single city Nashville meet up this Saturday, which by the way, it was 85

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degrees on Saturday and I was wearing a sundress and today it's 40.

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Like I'm in flannel.

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I mean, it's Nashville.

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I mean, we have like evidently a cold freeze going on right now.

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And so I was sitting out at dinner and these girls were like, oh my gosh, online is so

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awful.

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I'm spending all these hours.

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I'm like, y'all, I spend 15 minutes tops in a day.

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I get on and I get off.

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Like and I'm going to talk to you about how I keep it super simple and how I don't make

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it like this burdensome thing.

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And yes, there are going to be feasts.

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Oh, see, got a hinge message right as we were talking.

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And so it's going to be feast or famine.

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You're going to have some seasons where you're like, it's the wasteland.

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I'm getting nothing.

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And then there's going to be like a week you're talking to nine different people at the same

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time.

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And you're like, hmm, Steve, what did I tell Steve?

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Where's Steve from?

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Okay.

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Anyway.

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So I promise you, no matter where you are in the spectrum, buckle up.

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It's going to be fun.

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If not, and I want you to start writing your questions down.

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I want to, I feel like I keep seeing the same questions over and over again.

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Even from people who've already taken this class.

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So I want you guys to be the A team.

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I want you guys to be so engaged that you're not going to ask these questions.

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Because sometimes when I look at like the July group and the April group, I'm like,

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oh, even people from my group.

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I'm like, y'all, how many times have I said this?

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Like, this is what you got to do.

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Just do it.

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Just trust me.

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So I want you to go in with a fresh attitude.

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So that's your mindset.

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So the first thing we're going to talk about is three quick bullet points.

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So you can write on here, mindset, same like mindset, just mindset.

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Three things.

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I want you to go in with a fresh attitude.

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So I want you to wipe the slate clean, whatever you have thought about it.

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Even if it was today, you're like Renee, I was already online today and it already sucked.

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I get it.

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We're just going to wipe that slate clean.

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I also want you to start getting online to practice dating.

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You may or may not meet your spirit mate.

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I have to be honest with you.

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I don't think I'm going to meet my spirit mate online.

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I really don't.

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I actually think the stuff that God's having me do right now in the next season of my career

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is where I'm going to meet him, but I'm going to continue to meet men online because A,

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that might be where I meet them, but B, I'm just learning so much better how to show up

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on dates, you guys, because everything I'm going to tell you not to do, it's because

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I did it like, and it did not work for me and it made me miserable.

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So I'm, you know, you're going to learn from all of my mistakes.

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It's going to be fabulous.

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Okay.

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Number two, do it to date, not necessarily to get married.

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This is good for you.

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And I know our dating, the era of boyfriend is over.

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I'm not saying that, but you've got to date a lot of people to kind of find your person

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or not.

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Number three of your mindset, stop overthinking every match, every guy you talk to.

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So number one, have a fresh attitude.

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Number two, do it to date, not to get married.

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Number three, do not overthink every match like you guys.

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This is how fast men decide, you know, and like I've heard male therapists, I've talked

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to plenty of men.

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This is how fast they decide, which is why write as little as possible, because they're

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really not reading it anyway.

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They literally look at photos and they swipe left or right, they go, hmm, hot, not hot,

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hot, not hot.

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hot. Now hot to them is whatever they're attracted to. I could be hot to them. You could be hot to

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them. It don't matter. You guys, some of the women in this community who you and I would think

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men wouldn't think are attractive have been the first ones to get married. So do not think only

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the pretty girls, the thin girls, the outgoing girls get married in this community. That is not

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true. So men are pretty visual. They're pretty fast at it. And they're all like, they all have

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their thing. Some guys like eyes, some guys like hair, some guys like teeth, you know, whatever,

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just like us. Like, so don't overthink it. They're not overthinking it. We don't want you to

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overthinking it. As you get to know men and you want to get to that level two, level three dating

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that, you know, Jackie talked about, yes, then you start to become more discerning. But in that

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first, like, don't whip out the dossier in an FBI research on a guy that you're just looking at

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his profile for the first time. Let it go. All right. Y'all with me? Okay. So with sites, the

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first thing that people always say to me is, well, let's say it's okay. The first one that everybody

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should do, cause it's free and we're all in, we're all on Facebook because this community, right?

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We're all on it. Whether you just opened up your dang profile, just because I'm going to go to

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Facebook, you can only access it from your phone. As far as I know, you cannot access Facebook from

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your computer. I don't even think you can access it from your iPad yet. Right at the bottom, there's

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a little heart. If it's not there, you go to all your shortcuts and you swipe down and then dating

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should be on that option. So we're going to go there. So your profile in Facebook dating is not

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your Facebook profile, all your friends, your pastor, your mother, nobody's going to know that

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you're on Facebook dating, except for the same people that are on Facebook dating. Okay. So then

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you do your profile and we're going to kind of go over what a profile looks like. But look, see,

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I got a bunch of pictures of me and then let's see. So I got one good full body shot and then

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that's it. That's my intro. It's literally this short. Grew up in Connecticut in California,

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been in Nashville 20 years. Finished an 18 year stint running a nonprofit. Now full-time remote

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as a consultant. So I put full-time remote so it tells them I can move. Enjoy dinner with friends,

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beaches, nature, local live events, and helping others. I like to laugh, but enjoy deep thoughtful

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conversations. I want to be in a relationship where we inspire each other to grow our minds,

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good accountability, body exercise and healthy eating and spirit. I am a Christ follower.

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Look forwarding to meeting men who want to meet in real life. That's it. Breezy, breezy, breezy.

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I did not tell you I'm like single, never married for, I mean, it actually does say my height in

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here. But then it has, I have like this photo got taken of me. It's not been doctored up,

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but it is a photo of a photographer took for my website. So then my very next photo is one right

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off my iPhone. And I, that's also a selfie that I took and look at this is me in an elf costume.

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So we're going to kind of talk about how you feel it in. But the beautiful thing about Facebook

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dating is it's right here on Facebook and it's free. So this one should always be up because

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it's easy to do. And I'll tell you guys, a lot of people our age have met some really quality,

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some of the nicest guys that I dated have been on Facebook dating. Obviously the other ones that

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people mention a lot is Hinge. Like I'm going to give you the secular ones first. Hinge, Bumble,

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eHarmony is no longer Christian. So don't think it is. It's not that it's not, but it's not

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designated. So, but Bumble and Hinge are like the easiest ones that look a lot like Facebook. So if

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you've done it for Facebook, it's going to be easy to upload the same pictures and the same

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information. And then of course, there's all of the Christian ones, which can have a lot of scammers

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on them too, because I don't think they have as much staff monitoring and cleaning house. So

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there's Upward and Salt and Holy. And I don't know, you guys can put in the chat, the ones that

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y'all know about. Then of course, there's the specialized ones, fitness singles, farmers who

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are single. I mean, there are like all sorts of hobbies, like Google it, man. You'll find like

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all sorts of hobbies. Like one of the girls in our community, she owns horses and she loves horses. I

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go, girl, why are you not on the farmers, the dating site for farmers? Like there's some hot

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farmers. I would never date a farmer, but you clearly should. And so that's definitely important.

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Actually, I really should put the chat box in case you

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You guys are trying to talk to me.

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I will know that you're trying to talk to me.

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OK.

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Christina, I'm reading off of my own packet.

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It's a PowerPoint presentation that I put together for this.

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OK.

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So yes, and honey.

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Honey, I've not heard of honey.

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Interesting.

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OK.

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And oh, OK, that's good to know.

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OK, so I will say this.

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Some of the best ones are pay to play.

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So I always do, for me, I've always

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done one paid one and one free one at the same time.

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So whether it was Hinge, or Bumble, or Match,

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or eHarmony, I've always been willing to pay for one,

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and I pay for 90 days.

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You always want to try to stick to a site for about 90 days

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before you cut and run from it.

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So if you're doing like Facebook and Hinge,

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or Facebook and Bumble, the difference about Bumble

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is you match, he matches with you,

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but then you have to send the first message.

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Because I want men to take the lead,

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here's how I make Bumble about him so I'm not doing the work.

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I always say, hey, it looks like we both matched on Bumble.

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Why don't you go ahead and read my profile?

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Because they probably didn't.

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And if you still want to chat, I'd love to get to know you.

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I noticed that you like water skiing.

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I like water skiing.

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That's it.

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If I never hear from him again, done.

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But it's not like, so I'm basically saying,

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I know that we matched.

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If you're still interested, I'd love to get to know you,

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and I call it a day.

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So that's the only one where you do have

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to initiate the conversation.

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Okay, here's what you need to realize.

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There is no one perfect site.

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There are scammers in all of them.

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There are catfishers on all of them.

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There are weirdo dudes.

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There are short dudes, fat dudes, ugly dudes,

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Christian dudes, atheist dudes.

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Like, why the 90 days, Christina?

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And I will talk to you about how to drop the hanky.

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Why the 90 days?

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I just feel like there's like a cycle with,

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I feel like there's a cycle with the dating sites.

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Again, I've done this long enough.

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I feel like sometimes like they want to give you

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a lot of matches all at once,

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but if you're not in that cycle

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where it's kind of churning out matches for you,

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you might get off too soon.

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So, and usually the packages,

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if you're going to pay for a package,

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it's actually cheaper to buy the 90 days than pay monthly.

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So stick to two.

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Don't make yourself crazy.

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Because if you guys, if you've got the money and the time

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and you want to be on five sites at the same time,

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have at it.

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This girl's got too much life to live.

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Like, I am not going to be on a website

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all stinking day long.

305
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So I'm not going to balance more than two.

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If you want to balance more than two, have at it.

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I'm also going to tell you,

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you're going to make yourself crazy

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if you're bouncing off and on them every single month.

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So get some stability on the sites.

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All right.

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Safety first.

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Okay.

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We've already talked about,

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so what's the difference between a scammer and a catfisher?

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A catfisher is somebody who literally isn't the person

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00:18:17.000 --> 00:18:18.720
that you're seeing in the photo.

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They are using stock photos.

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They've stolen someone's identity.

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So a catfisher is false identity.

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What about Tinder?

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I can't stand Tinder.

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I'll tell you this.

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I mean, and I know one of the girls in our community

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met her husband on Tinder.

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So it's not about that.

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Here's my personal problem with Tinder.

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There are so many men of all backgrounds.

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So many of them just looking to hook up.

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I found it overwhelming.

331
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You're going to get hundreds of matches.

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And for me, like, I feel like I consider Tinder,

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like if you've ever seen an Ironman,

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I used to do triathlons.

335
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So if you've ever seen an Ironman,

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the open water swim of an Ironman,

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it just looks like this with a bunch of people swimming

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and knocking into each other.

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That's what I think of when I think of Tinder.

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It's just a hot mess.

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Now, if you got the time and the capacity

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to weed through all the dudes on Tinder,

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have at it, girls.

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I support you from afar.

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Okay, so catfishers are people

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who aren't who they say they are.

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Here's how I know when it's a catfisher.

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If they look like stock photos,

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if he's the only person in all of the photos

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and he has no group shots, like no,

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like I would rather see that stupid picture

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of the guy at the gym and the bathroom,

353
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because at least, you know, he's for real, right?

354
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But if he looks too good to be true,

355
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he's probably too good to be true.

356
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Now, you know, they've gotten really savvy today.

357
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So usually I look at someone's photo.

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So like, if I get matched up to some hot doctor

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living in a mansion and he tells me.

360
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.320
how fabulous I am. And he's got like the perfect profile. Now, I think I'm amazing, but I'm sorry,

361
00:20:06.320 --> 00:20:12.080
I'm not getting that guy. So like, I try to be realistic. I do. So if it looks too good to be

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true, probably is. The scammer is somebody who's going to want something from you. He might either

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00:20:18.560 --> 00:20:23.520
want time, because everyone always assumes a scammer wants your money and he wants to steal

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00:20:23.520 --> 00:20:29.200
money from you. Sometimes scammers just want to steal your time. They want to steal your adoration.

365
00:20:29.200 --> 00:20:34.480
They want to steal your hopes, your dreams. Do you know what I'm saying? Like scammers don't just

366
00:20:34.480 --> 00:20:40.720
want to steal your money. They just, they have a need and a fix. And so sometimes they just need

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the attention. And so you can tell scammers, and we'll talk a little bit about it, but usually

368
00:20:47.360 --> 00:20:54.400
scammers come on way too strong. You can't even say, and I'll kind of go over in a little bit on

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the next and one of the other pages, but like it used to be if he was out of the country on an oil

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00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:08.880
rig, his mother, father, brother, sister, uncle all died in a horrific accident. He was a scammer.

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They've gotten smarter. They know that we know that bio. And so I will talk about it later,

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00:21:18.480 --> 00:21:24.560
but you'll know a scammer because they won't get on a video with you. Like it's really easy.

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00:21:24.560 --> 00:21:29.520
Because when I start to talk to you, what do you say in your bio versus those first few text

374
00:21:29.520 --> 00:21:35.280
messages? Then the video, if you keep your information limited until the video date,

375
00:21:35.280 --> 00:21:41.040
the scammer will be, he will be bored because you're not going to move at the pace he wants to.

376
00:21:41.040 --> 00:21:47.280
So he will disengage. Now I can be snarky and fun. Like if I'm bored and I can tell I got a

377
00:21:47.280 --> 00:21:51.600
total scammer. Cause he's like, Hey, beautiful. You're amazing. And I just think we would make

378
00:21:51.600 --> 00:21:57.280
such great children together. And I love Jesus too. And he's going all in and I'm like, okay.

379
00:21:57.280 --> 00:22:04.720
I'm like, Oh my gosh, that's so amazing. We want the same things. And like, I'll totally play into

380
00:22:04.720 --> 00:22:11.440
it. And then he'll say something. I'm like, Oh my gosh. Yes. Can we do a video right now? And then

381
00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:19.120
God, like they're gone. And I'm like, yeah, that's what I thought. I only do that when I'm

382
00:22:19.120 --> 00:22:25.600
bored and I just want to have fun. Okay. Now there might be people out there that I call not safe

383
00:22:25.600 --> 00:22:32.080
people. I would call a not safe person, someone who's not heart healthy. Those are going to be

384
00:22:32.080 --> 00:22:37.760
the ones I really want you to pay attention to. And those are going to be the ones, what you say

385
00:22:37.760 --> 00:22:42.800
in your profile, what you say in a text, what you say in a video. And if in your first dates

386
00:22:42.800 --> 00:22:50.320
will help you spot unsafe people before you fall in love with them. Okay. Cause y'all like we can

387
00:22:50.320 --> 00:22:56.400
fall, what I call digital in love. Like it's not just for teenagers anymore. Like I've seen plenty

388
00:22:56.400 --> 00:23:02.240
of women in this community, myself included, we get all gaga on digital. And then the first date

389
00:23:02.240 --> 00:23:07.280
never happens. Or you go on the first date and you're like, wah, wah, wah. And you're like,

390
00:23:07.360 --> 00:23:12.720
what just happened there? So a digital connection is not the same thing as a real life connection.

391
00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:20.080
So you will, you are God defended now. You are healthier. Some unsafe people are going to try

392
00:23:20.080 --> 00:23:24.960
to slip on in just like the enemy did with Adam and Eve, but you're going to be smart and you're

393
00:23:24.960 --> 00:23:30.240
going to, you're going to kind of follow the rules. Okay. The third thing, so safety first,

394
00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:34.880
scammers and catfishers, not safe people. But here's what I, here's the person I want you to

395
00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:40.400
give a chance to. And Jackie goes on and on about this. Try not to weed out the guy you don't

396
00:23:40.400 --> 00:23:46.320
immediately swoon over. Okay. Cause I don't know about you, but we all probably have a type,

397
00:23:46.320 --> 00:23:50.880
right? We all got a type, just like men have a type. Like we give men a hard time for having a

398
00:23:50.880 --> 00:23:58.000
type. Ladies, we have a type too. And if we keep picking our exact same type, then we're going to

399
00:23:58.000 --> 00:24:06.160
potentially get the exact same results that we've always gotten. So if you had a height minimum,

400
00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:12.080
maximum bump it up two inches in both directions. If you're like, I can only handle a guy who's like

401
00:24:12.080 --> 00:24:18.720
a little bit bald or only two years older than me, or only 20 pounds overweight, not 30 pounds

402
00:24:18.720 --> 00:24:24.640
overweight. Like whatever you thought your parameter was on height, weight, education,

403
00:24:24.640 --> 00:24:32.720
career, distance. I'm going to ask you to go out two more inches and just be open to somebody

404
00:24:32.720 --> 00:24:40.000
outside your typical parameter. You know what your parameters are. So that's what I'm just

405
00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:46.240
going to encourage you to do is go outside. Okay. So now let's talk about your profile. Again,

406
00:24:46.240 --> 00:24:51.120
write down all your questions. If you're like, I want to ask a question about that, write it down.

407
00:24:51.120 --> 00:24:56.240
I may get to it in the presentation, but I really want to leave a lot of room tonight

408
00:24:56.240 --> 00:24:59.840
to answer all your questions. Okay. Picking your.

409
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.000
your profile, pick your best photos, ladies.

410
00:25:05.080 --> 00:25:07.860
And photos, and we'll talk a little bit about them.

411
00:25:07.860 --> 00:25:11.200
So here's four things you need for your good profile,

412
00:25:11.200 --> 00:25:12.640
four things.

413
00:25:12.640 --> 00:25:14.120
And what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give you

414
00:25:14.120 --> 00:25:16.680
the four things now, and then we're gonna break them down.

415
00:25:16.680 --> 00:25:21.040
So first thing, number one, pick your best photos, okay?

416
00:25:21.040 --> 00:25:23.880
Number two, be positive.

417
00:25:23.880 --> 00:25:27.800
How many of you read profiles where men are so negative?

418
00:25:27.800 --> 00:25:30.000
They're like, I don't want drama.

419
00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:32.240
I don't want women who are smokers,

420
00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:36.280
women who are 420 friendly, women who are this,

421
00:25:36.280 --> 00:25:37.520
women who are that.

422
00:25:37.520 --> 00:25:40.000
Y'all, he could be the hottest guy in the planet,

423
00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:45.000
but I'm like, like, I don't care what they don't want.

424
00:25:45.080 --> 00:25:47.300
I wanna know what they want.

425
00:25:48.480 --> 00:25:50.120
And so be positive.

426
00:25:50.120 --> 00:25:51.960
Don't also write this either.

427
00:25:51.960 --> 00:25:53.520
I hate online dating.

428
00:25:53.520 --> 00:25:55.440
I can't believe I'm on here again.

429
00:25:55.440 --> 00:25:58.800
Don't waste up your character space bemoaning it.

430
00:25:58.800 --> 00:26:00.080
We all hate online dating.

431
00:26:00.080 --> 00:26:01.760
We all hate that we're back on here,

432
00:26:01.760 --> 00:26:02.880
and we're all not single.

433
00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:05.380
I mean, we're all not married in happy, healthy marriage,

434
00:26:05.380 --> 00:26:06.920
having happy, healthy, holy sex.

435
00:26:06.920 --> 00:26:08.760
Like we all wish that's where we were.

436
00:26:08.760 --> 00:26:10.240
We're not yet.

437
00:26:10.240 --> 00:26:13.240
So let's not waste our character space

438
00:26:13.240 --> 00:26:15.100
on complaining about that.

439
00:26:15.100 --> 00:26:17.880
Number three, do not overshare.

440
00:26:17.880 --> 00:26:21.080
In fact, don't overshare at any point in this.

441
00:26:21.080 --> 00:26:23.140
Don't overshare in your profile.

442
00:26:23.140 --> 00:26:24.900
Don't overshare when you text.

443
00:26:25.340 --> 00:26:28.100
Don't overshare on the phone, even when he seems amazing.

444
00:26:28.100 --> 00:26:29.860
Don't overshare on the video

445
00:26:29.860 --> 00:26:31.700
when you've been on the video too long,

446
00:26:31.700 --> 00:26:36.700
and don't overshare on your first and second date.

447
00:26:36.700 --> 00:26:39.700
And I say this, especially to my codependents in the room,

448
00:26:39.700 --> 00:26:41.060
that would be myself.

449
00:26:41.060 --> 00:26:44.220
If you have been involved in a 12-step program,

450
00:26:44.220 --> 00:26:47.340
I have, in 12-steps meetings,

451
00:26:47.340 --> 00:26:51.420
you go very deep, very fast, and you vomit yourself.

452
00:26:51.420 --> 00:26:53.820
I went on a video date with a guy

453
00:26:53.820 --> 00:26:56.580
who has only ever dated women in 12-steps.

454
00:26:56.580 --> 00:27:00.180
So in our first date, I learned more things about him

455
00:27:00.180 --> 00:27:04.300
than was even remotely appropriate

456
00:27:04.300 --> 00:27:05.940
for the first six months of our dating,

457
00:27:05.940 --> 00:27:07.380
let alone the first date.

458
00:27:07.380 --> 00:27:10.400
But all he knows is meeting women in 12-step meetings

459
00:27:10.400 --> 00:27:13.140
where they vomit all of their deepest, darkest secrets.

460
00:27:13.140 --> 00:27:14.700
This is not a 12-step meeting,

461
00:27:14.700 --> 00:27:17.260
so do not vomit that stuff on there.

462
00:27:17.260 --> 00:27:19.220
So do not overshare.

463
00:27:19.220 --> 00:27:22.760
Number four, pay attention to the distance.

464
00:27:22.760 --> 00:27:26.800
If you are really afraid of getting hurt or scammed,

465
00:27:26.800 --> 00:27:29.520
or if you have a child custody,

466
00:27:29.520 --> 00:27:34.080
so Jackie spoke about this in the Ask Jackie a few days ago,

467
00:27:34.080 --> 00:27:37.520
because there was a couple where they've been dating,

468
00:27:37.520 --> 00:27:41.080
but neither one of them can move, they're 500 miles away,

469
00:27:41.080 --> 00:27:43.760
neither one of them can move because the parenting plan,

470
00:27:43.760 --> 00:27:45.600
or really shouldn't.

471
00:27:45.600 --> 00:27:48.080
And he was actually thinking about picking up and moving

472
00:27:48.080 --> 00:27:48.980
and leaving his son.

473
00:27:48.980 --> 00:27:50.840
And Jackie was like, no, don't do that.

474
00:27:51.040 --> 00:27:53.160
Our kids need good dads.

475
00:27:53.160 --> 00:27:56.240
If he's a good dad, he needs to stay in the story.

476
00:27:56.240 --> 00:27:59.520
So if you have a child custody plan

477
00:27:59.520 --> 00:28:01.880
and you cannot move or should not move,

478
00:28:01.880 --> 00:28:04.700
and he's got children, you don't want him to move either.

479
00:28:04.700 --> 00:28:09.700
So don't put a mile distance that you know you can never do.

480
00:28:10.100 --> 00:28:11.520
Now, if you think, well, gosh, Renee,

481
00:28:11.520 --> 00:28:14.060
I live in the middle of nowhere,

482
00:28:14.060 --> 00:28:15.360
I'm gonna have to go wide.

483
00:28:15.360 --> 00:28:16.600
Girl, then go wide.

484
00:28:16.600 --> 00:28:20.080
I actually think my parameter is up to 250 miles

485
00:28:20.080 --> 00:28:20.920
because you know what?

486
00:28:20.920 --> 00:28:23.020
I don't have kids, I work remote.

487
00:28:23.020 --> 00:28:25.440
If he's amazing, I'll move.

488
00:28:25.440 --> 00:28:27.420
I mean, I'm not gonna just move for the heck of it,

489
00:28:27.420 --> 00:28:28.720
but I'll consider it.

490
00:28:28.720 --> 00:28:31.560
So sometimes guys don't realize how far apart we are,

491
00:28:31.560 --> 00:28:33.400
because again, guys don't read the profile.

492
00:28:33.400 --> 00:28:35.920
So they don't realize I'm from Nashville, Tennessee.

493
00:28:35.920 --> 00:28:37.360
They're like, oh, I thought you were

494
00:28:37.360 --> 00:28:38.760
in North Carolina with me.

495
00:28:38.760 --> 00:28:42.680
I'm like, not Asheville, Nashville.

496
00:28:42.680 --> 00:28:45.360
And so they're like, well, what do you think about that?

497
00:28:45.360 --> 00:28:47.340
And I said, well, I work remote.

498
00:28:47.340 --> 00:28:50.460
So if I will be willing to move for the right person,

499
00:28:50.460 --> 00:28:52.180
some guys are willing to start talking to me.

500
00:28:52.180 --> 00:28:53.740
Some guys are like, oh, I don't wanna do that.

501
00:28:53.740 --> 00:28:56.620
I just wanna be local, which is totally fine.

502
00:28:56.620 --> 00:28:59.980
I will say this, it is easier to date local.

503
00:28:59.980 --> 00:29:01.100
It just is.

504
00:29:01.100 --> 00:29:02.940
There's been a couple guys,

505
00:29:02.940 --> 00:29:07.380
like I just had a video date with this guy last week

506
00:29:07.380 --> 00:29:10.180
and he is in Missouri.

507
00:29:10.180 --> 00:29:12.940
It's like a plane ride, you guys, it's a plane ride.

508
00:29:12.940 --> 00:29:15.700
I talked all summer to this guy in California.

509
00:29:16.540 --> 00:29:19.460
I mean, I talked to another guy five hours away.

510
00:29:19.460 --> 00:29:20.940
It's just harder to date.

511
00:29:20.940 --> 00:29:23.900
Jackie says the phrase, you have to be in it to win it.

512
00:29:23.900 --> 00:29:25.860
The hardest part with online dating

513
00:29:25.860 --> 00:29:28.020
is one of two things happens.

514
00:29:28.020 --> 00:29:30.140
You either go all hot and heavy

515
00:29:30.140 --> 00:29:32.100
and you're having like these five hour

516
00:29:32.100 --> 00:29:35.660
like Zoom dates from bed and it's wonderful

517
00:29:35.660 --> 00:29:40.180
and it's pillow talk, but like that digital relationship

518
00:29:40.180 --> 00:29:43.180
gets in front of a real life dating relationship.

519
00:29:43.220 --> 00:29:47.500
So it usually kind of gets exciting and then it implodes

520
00:29:47.500 --> 00:29:49.380
or it stalls.

521
00:29:49.380 --> 00:29:53.860
And I would say my last two long distance relationships

522
00:29:53.860 --> 00:29:55.540
just stalled.

523
00:29:55.540 --> 00:29:58.460
And one or both of us got tired of waiting

524
00:29:58.460 --> 00:30:00.260
and it's like, he couldn't make it.

525
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.520
is the kids and whatever.

526
00:30:01.520 --> 00:30:04.300
And like eight weeks in, I'm like, ah, I'm done.

527
00:30:04.300 --> 00:30:06.280
Like I'm done talking to my computer.

528
00:30:06.280 --> 00:30:07.720
Like I just can't do it anymore.

529
00:30:07.720 --> 00:30:11.360
So really pay attention to distance and think about that.

530
00:30:11.360 --> 00:30:14.900
So strong, so your profile, pick your best photos,

531
00:30:14.900 --> 00:30:18.520
be positive, don't overshare, consider the distance.

532
00:30:18.520 --> 00:30:20.920
So let's talk about your photos, girls.

533
00:30:20.920 --> 00:30:22.960
All right, by the way, we're gonna get to a,

534
00:30:22.960 --> 00:30:25.240
no, I'm gonna save it, getting ahead of myself.

535
00:30:25.240 --> 00:30:27.840
Okay, no pictures more than two years old.

536
00:30:27.880 --> 00:30:30.160
So guess what I realized I needed to do?

537
00:30:30.160 --> 00:30:31.800
I've been in this program two years.

538
00:30:31.800 --> 00:30:35.120
I'm like, hmm, I might need to do an audit of my photos.

539
00:30:35.120 --> 00:30:37.160
Like, do I still look like that person?

540
00:30:37.160 --> 00:30:39.660
Now you might be like, Renee, I look exactly the same.

541
00:30:39.660 --> 00:30:41.000
I haven't changed.

542
00:30:41.000 --> 00:30:43.800
Okay, if you have a friend that will tell you that

543
00:30:43.800 --> 00:30:46.440
and confirm that, not you in the mirror,

544
00:30:46.440 --> 00:30:48.440
like with the filter going on,

545
00:30:48.440 --> 00:30:50.320
but if you have enough girlfriends that would say, yes,

546
00:30:50.320 --> 00:30:51.920
you still look exactly like that.

547
00:30:51.920 --> 00:30:54.560
And if the photo's three years old, then you rock it.

548
00:30:55.080 --> 00:30:59.080
Make sure the photos show you.

549
00:30:59.080 --> 00:31:02.280
Make sure that if you're in a group photo,

550
00:31:02.280 --> 00:31:04.160
it's clear who she is.

551
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:05.080
I don't know about you guys,

552
00:31:05.080 --> 00:31:07.760
but I can't tell you sometimes men show a group photo

553
00:31:07.760 --> 00:31:09.720
and I'm like, I don't even know which one he is.

554
00:31:09.720 --> 00:31:13.320
Because sometimes his photos look so different

555
00:31:13.320 --> 00:31:15.200
in each of the photos, I can't even tell.

556
00:31:15.200 --> 00:31:16.960
I'm like, this one's from 20 years ago,

557
00:31:16.960 --> 00:31:18.900
this one from five years ago.

558
00:31:18.900 --> 00:31:20.880
Who is the guy in this photo?

559
00:31:20.880 --> 00:31:22.080
Don't know.

560
00:31:22.080 --> 00:31:24.240
Make sure you have one good headshot

561
00:31:25.720 --> 00:31:27.680
and one good body shot.

562
00:31:27.680 --> 00:31:30.880
So back to my profile.

563
00:31:32.600 --> 00:31:34.080
Body shot.

564
00:31:34.080 --> 00:31:36.000
The very next photo,

565
00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:38.620
more closeup,

566
00:31:39.800 --> 00:31:42.360
and then boom, very closeup.

567
00:31:43.240 --> 00:31:46.240
My hair, I wear curly and straight.

568
00:31:46.240 --> 00:31:50.200
So I made tried photos with my hair curly and straight

569
00:31:50.200 --> 00:31:52.380
because there's some guys are really weird about that.

570
00:31:52.380 --> 00:31:55.340
Like they really only like straight hair and I've done this.

571
00:31:55.340 --> 00:31:56.960
And then all of a sudden I showed up on a video date

572
00:31:56.960 --> 00:31:58.200
with my hair curly and they're like,

573
00:31:58.200 --> 00:32:00.520
oh, I thought your hair was straight.

574
00:32:00.520 --> 00:32:02.760
Okay, because you're gonna get it both ways, dudes.

575
00:32:02.760 --> 00:32:05.460
So I make sure however I wear my hair,

576
00:32:05.460 --> 00:32:07.800
I have photos that match that.

577
00:32:07.800 --> 00:32:10.040
So if you're the gal that likes to wear your hair

578
00:32:10.040 --> 00:32:12.720
a bunch of ways, make sure you showcase

579
00:32:12.720 --> 00:32:16.380
all the looks of you that are fabulous.

580
00:32:16.380 --> 00:32:18.040
If you have a professional shot,

581
00:32:18.040 --> 00:32:20.320
because for whatever reason you got one done,

582
00:32:20.320 --> 00:32:23.200
just make sure you have some candids in there too.

583
00:32:23.200 --> 00:32:25.360
And always try to show photos.

584
00:32:25.360 --> 00:32:28.280
Like you guys, I'm kind of like funny.

585
00:32:28.280 --> 00:32:31.360
Like I'm in an elf costume.

586
00:32:31.360 --> 00:32:34.560
There's nothing attractive about that photo, but it's silly.

587
00:32:34.560 --> 00:32:35.840
And I'm kind of silly.

588
00:32:35.840 --> 00:32:39.120
So pick photos doing the thing that you love to do

589
00:32:39.120 --> 00:32:41.460
or that showcase your personality.

590
00:32:42.920 --> 00:32:45.880
If you're gonna have a photo with you having a hat on

591
00:32:45.880 --> 00:32:49.360
or with sunglasses, make sure it's just one of those photos.

592
00:32:49.360 --> 00:32:51.960
Make sure it's not a bunch of photos.

593
00:32:51.960 --> 00:32:53.640
When I teach this to the men,

594
00:32:53.640 --> 00:32:55.720
I just taught this to the men two weeks ago.

595
00:32:55.720 --> 00:32:56.720
It was good.

596
00:32:56.720 --> 00:32:58.880
Because I was like, no hats, dudes.

597
00:32:58.880 --> 00:33:00.880
No hats and sunglasses.

598
00:33:00.880 --> 00:33:03.600
Please no wife beater shirts in the bathroom.

599
00:33:03.600 --> 00:33:04.620
Like, stop it.

600
00:33:04.620 --> 00:33:06.760
Like, okay, so you squatted,

601
00:33:06.760 --> 00:33:09.840
legs spread open where your thing is right there.

602
00:33:09.840 --> 00:33:11.920
Like, no, don't look like a mugshot.

603
00:33:11.920 --> 00:33:16.600
So I promise you, like, I go after it with the men.

604
00:33:16.600 --> 00:33:18.800
One baseball hat, I can deal with it.

605
00:33:18.800 --> 00:33:21.440
Like one baseball hat where he's looking sporty

606
00:33:21.440 --> 00:33:23.240
and fun with sunglasses and a hat,

607
00:33:23.240 --> 00:33:24.080
because he's fishing.

608
00:33:24.080 --> 00:33:25.440
Okay, that makes sense.

609
00:33:25.440 --> 00:33:29.620
I also have told the guys enough photos of the deer,

610
00:33:29.620 --> 00:33:31.280
the fish and the car.

611
00:33:31.280 --> 00:33:32.200
Okay, I'm in the South.

612
00:33:32.200 --> 00:33:33.880
So maybe all of you not in the South,

613
00:33:33.880 --> 00:33:36.400
you don't get those photos like I do.

614
00:33:36.400 --> 00:33:39.400
But like, if you love to fish, put one.

615
00:33:39.400 --> 00:33:40.800
Put one of those photos up.

616
00:33:42.320 --> 00:33:43.880
Mm, mm, mm, mm, ladies.

617
00:33:43.880 --> 00:33:45.980
Okay, so ladies, here's a few things.

618
00:33:48.680 --> 00:33:51.720
If you are under 60 years old,

619
00:33:51.720 --> 00:33:53.640
if you wanna rock the gray hair,

620
00:33:53.640 --> 00:33:58.640
make sure it is a chic, well-coached hairstyle.

621
00:33:58.920 --> 00:34:01.700
Gray hair, I hate the double standard.

622
00:34:01.700 --> 00:34:05.080
Like, men look debonair in gray hair.

623
00:34:05.080 --> 00:34:06.080
We look old.

624
00:34:06.080 --> 00:34:07.120
We just do.

625
00:34:07.120 --> 00:34:09.320
So if you're gonna wear hair that's gray,

626
00:34:09.320 --> 00:34:10.400
you gotta rock it.

627
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:13.580
You have to make sure it's got good product in it,

628
00:34:13.580 --> 00:34:17.320
it doesn't look wiry, that it's got a cute, chic cut.

629
00:34:18.400 --> 00:34:22.400
And just be aware that some men

630
00:34:22.400 --> 00:34:25.280
like really have an issue with gray hair.

631
00:34:25.280 --> 00:34:26.420
Some men love it.

632
00:34:26.420 --> 00:34:28.440
So if you're gonna rock the gray hair,

633
00:34:28.440 --> 00:34:30.840
make sure that you are keeping it up

634
00:34:30.840 --> 00:34:32.800
and the style is good for you.

635
00:34:33.800 --> 00:34:36.360
Some makeup, but not too much makeup.

636
00:34:36.360 --> 00:34:39.280
You wanna make sure, like, guys like an all-natural girl,

637
00:34:39.280 --> 00:34:40.239
but they like a girl,

638
00:34:40.239 --> 00:34:44.080
they wanna know that she can watch a football game with her

639
00:34:44.080 --> 00:34:47.320
and that she can also go to a five-star restaurant with her.

640
00:34:47.320 --> 00:34:50.440
So make sure you don't look like a tomboy

641
00:34:50.440 --> 00:34:52.159
in all of the photos.

642
00:34:53.440 --> 00:34:55.380
Not too much skin, ladies.

643
00:34:57.080 --> 00:34:59.220
There are some folks, even in this community,

644
00:34:59.220 --> 00:35:00.320
I've seen some of the.

645
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.400
the profile photos and I'm like,

646
00:35:02.400 --> 00:35:05.960
like if you want a godly kingdom man

647
00:35:05.960 --> 00:35:08.720
who's marriage-minded, mature and masculine,

648
00:35:08.720 --> 00:35:10.680
and you want a covenant marriage,

649
00:35:10.680 --> 00:35:12.480
then you show up in those photos

650
00:35:12.480 --> 00:35:15.240
like a covenant kingdom wife.

651
00:35:15.240 --> 00:35:17.400
Most godly men are gonna,

652
00:35:17.400 --> 00:35:20.160
like the hot, the unhealthy men

653
00:35:20.160 --> 00:35:22.880
will be drawn to that sexy photo of you.

654
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:25.520
And even a healthy guy might,

655
00:35:25.520 --> 00:35:28.640
but is that really the heartstring we wanna pull

656
00:35:28.680 --> 00:35:30.760
when we are first attracting him?

657
00:35:30.760 --> 00:35:32.940
Is this brown cheeky bow wow?

658
00:35:32.940 --> 00:35:34.540
No, you don't wanna do that.

659
00:35:34.540 --> 00:35:35.380
Okay.

660
00:35:36.980 --> 00:35:37.820
All right, that's it.

661
00:35:37.820 --> 00:35:39.240
The next one is for just men.

662
00:35:39.240 --> 00:35:40.620
So that's the photos.

663
00:35:40.620 --> 00:35:43.740
So if I didn't answer your question about a photo,

664
00:35:43.740 --> 00:35:44.980
jot that down.

665
00:35:44.980 --> 00:35:46.340
So here's your bio.

666
00:35:46.340 --> 00:35:50.180
I just read you my Facebook bio.

667
00:35:50.180 --> 00:35:51.700
Here's what I made sure I did.

668
00:35:51.700 --> 00:35:52.780
So it's KISS.

669
00:35:52.780 --> 00:35:54.220
Keep it super simple.

670
00:35:54.220 --> 00:35:56.300
KISS, that's the acronym, KISS.

671
00:35:56.300 --> 00:35:59.160
Keep it super simple.

672
00:35:59.160 --> 00:36:00.280
But say something.

673
00:36:00.280 --> 00:36:01.680
Here's the things you wanna remember.

674
00:36:01.680 --> 00:36:02.960
Stay in the present.

675
00:36:04.120 --> 00:36:07.680
Tell us what your interests are and your hobbies.

676
00:36:07.680 --> 00:36:09.560
And you can roll your faith in there.

677
00:36:09.560 --> 00:36:12.360
Did you notice how I rolled my faith in?

678
00:36:12.360 --> 00:36:14.320
I said I was a Christ follower,

679
00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:17.160
but I didn't vomit like I'm in full-time ministry

680
00:36:17.160 --> 00:36:20.000
and you need to be able to speak in tongues with me.

681
00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:24.160
No, Jack has already warned us, men do faith differently.

682
00:36:24.160 --> 00:36:26.160
And like we have really feminized

683
00:36:26.940 --> 00:36:29.200
and hippied out at Jesus.

684
00:36:29.200 --> 00:36:31.620
But if you have not read John Eldridge's book,

685
00:36:31.620 --> 00:36:33.780
"'Wild at Heart," you need to read it

686
00:36:33.780 --> 00:36:36.140
because men wanna be masculine

687
00:36:36.140 --> 00:36:39.720
and the church has just really feminized men.

688
00:36:39.720 --> 00:36:43.140
And we wonder why they're not in church right now.

689
00:36:43.140 --> 00:36:43.980
That is why.

690
00:36:45.260 --> 00:36:47.580
Stay in the present, interests, hobbies.

691
00:36:47.580 --> 00:36:49.560
Talk about where you wanna go.

692
00:36:49.560 --> 00:36:51.620
If you wanna write a book,

693
00:36:51.620 --> 00:36:55.180
be thoughtful about mentioning kids and grandchildren.

694
00:36:55.180 --> 00:36:56.360
I did not realize this,

695
00:36:56.360 --> 00:36:58.480
but there are some of you single mamas

696
00:36:58.480 --> 00:37:00.840
that don't wanna mention your children at all.

697
00:37:00.840 --> 00:37:03.480
I will say this, as a single woman,

698
00:37:03.480 --> 00:37:06.160
I really do need to know if the guy I'm talking to

699
00:37:06.160 --> 00:37:08.140
has kids in the ages of those kids.

700
00:37:08.140 --> 00:37:10.900
I don't need to know exact ages,

701
00:37:10.900 --> 00:37:14.220
but if I say, if a guy says, I'm a dad of grown children,

702
00:37:14.220 --> 00:37:17.840
I'm a dad of teenagers, I'm a dad of toddlers,

703
00:37:17.840 --> 00:37:21.160
that's enough information for me to know,

704
00:37:21.160 --> 00:37:22.280
because I'll tell you what,

705
00:37:22.300 --> 00:37:25.980
I will rock being a step-mom or a bonus mom

706
00:37:25.980 --> 00:37:28.460
to a tween, teen, or young adult.

707
00:37:28.460 --> 00:37:30.260
I am getting a little too old.

708
00:37:30.260 --> 00:37:32.420
Like God himself is gonna have to come down

709
00:37:32.420 --> 00:37:36.760
with some tablets for me to take on a baby or a toddler.

710
00:37:36.760 --> 00:37:39.040
And so for me, I wouldn't even wanna start talking

711
00:37:39.040 --> 00:37:40.380
to a guy with a toddler.

712
00:37:40.380 --> 00:37:41.400
So I know some people are like,

713
00:37:41.400 --> 00:37:42.940
oh, I'm not gonna even mention I have kids

714
00:37:42.940 --> 00:37:44.500
until like date number six.

715
00:37:44.500 --> 00:37:45.420
I don't know.

716
00:37:46.280 --> 00:37:47.780
That feels really weird to me,

717
00:37:47.780 --> 00:37:50.740
to withhold a very key piece of information.

718
00:37:50.760 --> 00:37:52.680
Now, I know you guys wanna be safe.

719
00:37:52.680 --> 00:37:55.360
So you can just say, I have young children.

720
00:37:55.360 --> 00:37:56.640
Keep it at that.

721
00:37:56.640 --> 00:37:58.800
I've got teenagers, young children,

722
00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:00.920
let people decide what young children means.

723
00:38:00.920 --> 00:38:02.560
I don't know.

724
00:38:02.560 --> 00:38:04.240
Grandchildren, I did not know this,

725
00:38:04.240 --> 00:38:05.080
but the men were like,

726
00:38:05.080 --> 00:38:07.460
oh, the minute women say grandchildren,

727
00:38:07.460 --> 00:38:10.000
they just think grandma.

728
00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:12.580
And grandma doesn't sound useful, youthful.

729
00:38:12.580 --> 00:38:15.320
So it's okay that you're a grandmother,

730
00:38:15.320 --> 00:38:17.160
but you may not wanna mention

731
00:38:17.160 --> 00:38:19.720
you have grandchildren in your profile.

732
00:38:19.720 --> 00:38:23.040
You may wanna mention it on a date, on the video date,

733
00:38:23.040 --> 00:38:25.060
but maybe not in your profile.

734
00:38:25.060 --> 00:38:27.660
You can say, I've got grown kids.

735
00:38:27.660 --> 00:38:28.500
Don't mention.

736
00:38:28.500 --> 00:38:31.720
So you don't have to disclose everything in the profile.

737
00:38:33.780 --> 00:38:34.620
Let's see.

738
00:38:34.620 --> 00:38:37.060
All right, I've already done that.

739
00:38:37.060 --> 00:38:41.620
Okay, so your bio is photos,

740
00:38:41.620 --> 00:38:44.380
and it's a great short summary.

741
00:38:44.380 --> 00:38:46.380
If like, I think it's Hinge.

742
00:38:46.380 --> 00:38:48.600
Hinge lets you do an audio.

743
00:38:48.600 --> 00:38:50.440
It's really kind of interesting.

744
00:38:50.440 --> 00:38:54.580
If they allow you to put up six photos, put up six photos.

745
00:38:54.580 --> 00:38:57.780
If they allow you to put up an audio, put up an audio.

746
00:38:57.780 --> 00:39:00.640
They allow you to put up a video, put up a video.

747
00:39:00.640 --> 00:39:03.340
If they ask some cute teaser questions,

748
00:39:03.340 --> 00:39:05.500
answer the cute teaser questions.

749
00:39:05.500 --> 00:39:07.220
Fill in as much as possible.

750
00:39:07.220 --> 00:39:09.740
You guys, when I get matched up with somebody on Facebook

751
00:39:09.740 --> 00:39:12.460
and he filled in nothing, yeah.

752
00:39:14.060 --> 00:39:16.500
Like if you didn't even have time to fill out a profile,

753
00:39:16.500 --> 00:39:18.300
tell me anything about you,

754
00:39:19.000 --> 00:39:21.040
I don't have time for you, moving on.

755
00:39:21.040 --> 00:39:23.600
So try to maximize it.

756
00:39:23.600 --> 00:39:26.320
And there's been a couple of guys on Hinge

757
00:39:26.320 --> 00:39:28.720
that I wasn't sure if I thought were attractive,

758
00:39:28.720 --> 00:39:30.400
but then I listened to their audio

759
00:39:30.400 --> 00:39:33.440
and not only did I love their answer,

760
00:39:33.440 --> 00:39:35.440
but I loved the sound of their voice.

761
00:39:35.440 --> 00:39:38.160
I was like, ooh, that's a nicer voice

762
00:39:38.160 --> 00:39:39.760
than I thought it would be.

763
00:39:39.760 --> 00:39:41.800
And so I'm like, I'm intrigued.

764
00:39:41.800 --> 00:39:43.400
I might wanna talk to this guy.

765
00:39:43.400 --> 00:39:45.160
Now he still might be a ding dong,

766
00:39:45.160 --> 00:39:47.200
but I'm gonna give him a second pass.

767
00:39:47.200 --> 00:39:49.700
And so somebody might feel the same way about you.

768
00:39:49.700 --> 00:39:52.660
So fill in as much as you could.

769
00:39:52.660 --> 00:39:54.820
So that's your profile.

770
00:39:54.820 --> 00:39:58.360
Now I wanna talk to you about going to get the dudes,

771
00:39:58.360 --> 00:39:59.860
going to pick the right dudes.

772
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.800
I've already told you, try not to be on more than two sites at the same time.

773
00:40:05.800 --> 00:40:09.000
If you have to start with one, start with one.

774
00:40:09.000 --> 00:40:11.280
Facebook is an easy one to start with because it's free.

775
00:40:11.280 --> 00:40:13.320
Plenty of fish is free.

776
00:40:13.320 --> 00:40:20.520
In fact, I'm on Hinge Free now, because Rebecca, who does all of them, my friend in our community,

777
00:40:20.520 --> 00:40:23.200
she was like, oh, never pay for Hinge.

778
00:40:23.200 --> 00:40:24.200
You don't have to pay for Hinge.

779
00:40:24.200 --> 00:40:25.200
And I thought you did.

780
00:40:25.200 --> 00:40:26.200
But guess what?

781
00:40:26.200 --> 00:40:29.240
I stopped paying for it a month ago, and I'm still getting matched up with people.

782
00:40:29.480 --> 00:40:35.360
Now, the only downside is I have to decide on a guy if I get liked before I can see the

783
00:40:35.360 --> 00:40:36.360
next guy.

784
00:40:36.360 --> 00:40:37.680
So there is some limitations.

785
00:40:37.680 --> 00:40:41.880
You're not as high up in the search.

786
00:40:41.880 --> 00:40:45.760
But anyway, just letting you know about that.

787
00:40:45.760 --> 00:40:46.760
Okay.

788
00:40:46.760 --> 00:40:48.960
So I already talked about this.

789
00:40:48.960 --> 00:40:49.960
Okay.

790
00:40:49.960 --> 00:40:54.720
Really pay attention to your God-given deal breakers, not the counterfeit, right?

791
00:40:54.720 --> 00:40:56.160
So you've all done the thing.

792
00:40:56.160 --> 00:40:57.540
You've all done the hard work.

793
00:40:57.540 --> 00:41:02.940
You know the difference between your counterfeit lies, counterfeit lives, deal breakers that

794
00:41:02.940 --> 00:41:06.700
you had to make you feel safe, make you feel comfortable.

795
00:41:06.700 --> 00:41:12.380
And then you've also determined what your God-given deal breakers are.

796
00:41:12.380 --> 00:41:17.020
Now, for me, a believer is a deal breaker, right?

797
00:41:17.020 --> 00:41:19.900
It is probably for you too.

798
00:41:19.900 --> 00:41:22.300
I am learning less to pay attention.

799
00:41:23.300 --> 00:41:28.740
You know how Jackie always says, be a fruit inspector, not a gift inspector.

800
00:41:28.740 --> 00:41:34.700
So I'm the first one to admit I was guilty of, what's your church attendance?

801
00:41:34.700 --> 00:41:36.380
Are you in a life group?

802
00:41:36.380 --> 00:41:38.100
And do you tithe?

803
00:41:38.100 --> 00:41:40.180
And all the things.

804
00:41:40.180 --> 00:41:43.980
But we've all dated guys who can check off all those boxes, but don't have a heart that's

805
00:41:43.980 --> 00:41:46.380
running after Jesus.

806
00:41:46.380 --> 00:41:49.980
I also don't open my first sentence, oh, are you running after Jesus?

807
00:41:50.180 --> 00:41:53.020
And will you run after Jesus with me?

808
00:41:53.020 --> 00:41:54.500
Now he might, and that's okay.

809
00:41:54.500 --> 00:41:56.860
And I will say I'm very attracted to profiles.

810
00:41:56.860 --> 00:42:03.160
I will give almost a second, a chance to any guy who I would have not thought was attractive.

811
00:42:03.160 --> 00:42:05.860
He's already liked me.

812
00:42:05.860 --> 00:42:11.300
And but his bio mentions a strong faith in Jesus and his activity.

813
00:42:11.300 --> 00:42:15.620
That is going to pique my interest because a lot of times they click Christian, but that

814
00:42:15.620 --> 00:42:16.620
don't mean nothing.

815
00:42:16.620 --> 00:42:19.380
Just because he clicked Christian, don't assume that he is.

816
00:42:19.380 --> 00:42:21.860
Just because he didn't click Christian doesn't mean he's not.

817
00:42:21.860 --> 00:42:25.100
Now there's plenty of guys, and I know Jackie has talked about how the fact there are some

818
00:42:25.100 --> 00:42:27.620
men that don't click Christian on purpose.

819
00:42:27.620 --> 00:42:32.440
I will say for me, nine out of 10 times, if he doesn't click Christian, I have not found

820
00:42:32.440 --> 00:42:34.040
him to be a Christian.

821
00:42:34.040 --> 00:42:39.300
So for me, I don't swipe on the guys that don't bring it up.

822
00:42:39.300 --> 00:42:43.180
You do you, if you're willing to wade through that, you do that.

823
00:42:43.180 --> 00:42:44.180
Okay.

824
00:42:44.180 --> 00:42:46.140
So really know what your deal breakers are.

825
00:42:46.660 --> 00:42:51.780
I've already told you to expand your parameters.

826
00:42:51.780 --> 00:42:56.300
And I also want to say, women go to me like, I don't have time to treat it like a job.

827
00:42:56.300 --> 00:43:02.980
So I personally only look at the profiles of men who have already liked me first.

828
00:43:02.980 --> 00:43:09.740
I don't, I don't swipe and waste my time because, you know, you guys like I'm four foot 11.

829
00:43:09.740 --> 00:43:11.540
I've got a very ethnic look.

830
00:43:11.540 --> 00:43:14.180
I've got a big Italian nose.

831
00:43:14.220 --> 00:43:17.460
Like I've got a gymnast body on its best day.

832
00:43:17.460 --> 00:43:19.460
It's very muscular on.

833
00:43:19.460 --> 00:43:21.620
It's not so best day.

834
00:43:21.620 --> 00:43:26.660
It's short and muscular, which, you know, if a guy likes a tall, thin blonde girl, I'm

835
00:43:26.660 --> 00:43:27.660
not his girl.

836
00:43:27.660 --> 00:43:28.660
I'm not his girl.

837
00:43:28.660 --> 00:43:29.660
Like, right.

838
00:43:29.660 --> 00:43:33.900
So I don't want to get all excited about some guy that I'm attracted to and worry that he's

839
00:43:33.900 --> 00:43:35.200
not attracted to me.

840
00:43:35.200 --> 00:43:40.980
So like on Facebook dating, just so you guys can see it, there's a section that says liked

841
00:43:40.980 --> 00:43:41.980
you.

842
00:43:41.980 --> 00:43:45.100
And there's a bunch of dudes like this guy right here, like the, and it's like, they

843
00:43:45.100 --> 00:43:48.740
know, they show you a hot guy right here and you're like, Oh, I need to keep paying attention.

844
00:43:48.740 --> 00:43:49.740
I don't pay attention.

845
00:43:49.740 --> 00:43:54.780
I literally only go to the button that says liked me and I go, Oh, look at that.

846
00:43:54.780 --> 00:43:56.940
Now here, look at farm farm.

847
00:43:56.940 --> 00:43:57.940
I need it.

848
00:43:57.940 --> 00:43:59.940
I would be so pleased to get acquainted with you.

849
00:43:59.940 --> 00:44:00.940
I'm in the South.

850
00:44:00.940 --> 00:44:04.260
Like you might think that's a scammer, but that's a Southern gentleman right there.

851
00:44:04.260 --> 00:44:05.260
And you know what?

852
00:44:05.260 --> 00:44:09.420
I might want to match up with him just to match him with the girl in our program who

853
00:44:09.420 --> 00:44:10.420
rides horses.

854
00:44:10.420 --> 00:44:12.260
Cause there's horses in his profile.

855
00:44:12.260 --> 00:44:16.260
Look at, um, I mean, it's just a sweet one.

856
00:44:16.260 --> 00:44:21.900
Facebook does make you decide on somebody yes or no before you can see the next one.

857
00:44:21.900 --> 00:44:25.420
So I only look at guys now that liked me first.

858
00:44:25.420 --> 00:44:33.260
The other thing I do look at here is all the guys that have matched up with me, meaning

859
00:44:33.260 --> 00:44:35.260
they liked me first.

860
00:44:35.260 --> 00:44:39.300
I liked them back, but they haven't started talking to me yet.

861
00:44:40.180 --> 00:44:42.340
I wait for them to talk to me.

862
00:44:42.340 --> 00:44:43.340
That's me.

863
00:44:43.340 --> 00:44:47.820
If you want to drop the hanky and somebody asked earlier, how do you drop the hanky on

864
00:44:47.820 --> 00:44:48.820
a profile?

865
00:44:48.820 --> 00:44:50.180
It's really easy.

866
00:44:50.180 --> 00:44:56.220
All you have to say is, Hey Mark, I really enjoyed reading your profile.

867
00:44:56.220 --> 00:44:59.500
I like water skiing too.

868
00:44:59.500 --> 00:45:00.020
I like.

869
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.200
like fishing too.

870
00:45:02.200 --> 00:45:04.660
I like to read books too.

871
00:45:04.660 --> 00:45:09.380
Find one thing they said that you like as well.

872
00:45:09.380 --> 00:45:11.980
Or like, oh my gosh, you live near a lake.

873
00:45:11.980 --> 00:45:13.540
I love being near a lake.

874
00:45:13.540 --> 00:45:16.420
Or, oh my gosh, you're from Huntsville, Alabama.

875
00:45:16.420 --> 00:45:18.520
I have an aunt from Huntsville, Alabama.

876
00:45:18.520 --> 00:45:19.940
How cool is that?

877
00:45:19.940 --> 00:45:22.580
Like find one thing about them.

878
00:45:22.580 --> 00:45:25.700
So don't just say, I really liked your profile.

879
00:45:25.700 --> 00:45:27.620
I'd love to talk to you.

880
00:45:27.620 --> 00:45:29.180
That's not gonna win them over.

881
00:45:29.220 --> 00:45:31.540
I mean, it might, but it usually doesn't.

882
00:45:31.540 --> 00:45:32.740
So you wanna say, hey, Mark,

883
00:45:32.740 --> 00:45:34.980
it was great reading your profile.

884
00:45:34.980 --> 00:45:37.580
It looks like we have a lot of activities

885
00:45:37.580 --> 00:45:42.580
and interests in common, especially dart throwing.

886
00:45:42.980 --> 00:45:46.100
I'd love to get a chance to talk to you sometime.

887
00:45:46.100 --> 00:45:47.420
And then that's it.

888
00:45:47.420 --> 00:45:50.460
Hankey is dropped and you let it be.

889
00:45:50.460 --> 00:45:53.380
And ladies, if he doesn't like your photo,

890
00:45:53.380 --> 00:45:54.580
if he doesn't respond,

891
00:45:54.580 --> 00:45:56.380
like I can't tell you how many women in our community go,

892
00:45:56.380 --> 00:45:58.880
he liked me, but then he didn't start talking to me.

893
00:45:59.580 --> 00:46:00.400
Let it go.

894
00:46:00.400 --> 00:46:03.900
Look, I can't even count how many men have liked me.

895
00:46:03.900 --> 00:46:05.380
Look it, I'm not even gonna waste,

896
00:46:05.380 --> 00:46:07.060
I'm not even gonna waste my time counting

897
00:46:07.060 --> 00:46:09.020
cause I don't wanna make myself feel bad.

898
00:46:09.020 --> 00:46:13.460
So I'm just gonna move on and only put my energy,

899
00:46:13.460 --> 00:46:15.820
my focus in the people that are talking to me.

900
00:46:15.820 --> 00:46:18.660
Now you guys, you've gotta let your ego go.

901
00:46:18.660 --> 00:46:22.540
Nobody wanted to know why guys drop off more than me.

902
00:46:22.540 --> 00:46:24.260
I am a justice girl.

903
00:46:24.260 --> 00:46:25.980
I needed to know why.

904
00:46:25.980 --> 00:46:27.500
I needed closure.

905
00:46:27.520 --> 00:46:30.440
Guess what your closure is on online dating

906
00:46:30.440 --> 00:46:32.080
when they stop talking to you.

907
00:46:32.080 --> 00:46:35.800
Sometimes that is the only closure you get.

908
00:46:35.800 --> 00:46:37.120
I wish there was more.

909
00:46:37.120 --> 00:46:38.440
You guys, there was a guy,

910
00:46:38.440 --> 00:46:39.500
now here's the funny,

911
00:46:39.500 --> 00:46:41.180
cause if you're on more than one site,

912
00:46:41.180 --> 00:46:43.360
you are gonna run into the same guy again.

913
00:46:43.360 --> 00:46:45.680
And sometimes they don't notice it's you again.

914
00:46:45.680 --> 00:46:49.800
So there was this one guy I got matched up with on,

915
00:46:49.800 --> 00:46:51.580
say Hinge, I'll just say Hinge.

916
00:46:52.720 --> 00:46:56.660
I personally think I look exactly like my photos.

917
00:46:56.680 --> 00:46:58.840
And this guy wasn't even that cute.

918
00:46:58.840 --> 00:47:00.360
In fact, he was kind of nerdy,

919
00:47:00.360 --> 00:47:02.480
but I knew the church he went to.

920
00:47:02.480 --> 00:47:05.040
I knew the pastor, like he was local.

921
00:47:05.040 --> 00:47:06.400
So I was like, all right,

922
00:47:06.400 --> 00:47:08.520
I'm gonna give the nerdy guy a chance.

923
00:47:08.520 --> 00:47:11.360
We have our first video date pretty quickly

924
00:47:11.360 --> 00:47:12.760
cause we'll talk about that.

925
00:47:14.520 --> 00:47:16.920
And I looked really cute for this video date.

926
00:47:16.920 --> 00:47:18.480
We are on the call three minutes

927
00:47:18.480 --> 00:47:22.540
and I can already tell he has decided I'm a no-go

928
00:47:22.540 --> 00:47:25.200
cause he was kind of a douche for the next 20 minutes.

929
00:47:25.220 --> 00:47:26.980
I'm like, if you're gonna get somebody in the video,

930
00:47:26.980 --> 00:47:28.980
at least be kind and be nice.

931
00:47:28.980 --> 00:47:31.260
And so it ended after 20 minutes

932
00:47:31.260 --> 00:47:33.620
and it didn't go anywhere.

933
00:47:33.620 --> 00:47:38.500
Well, on Facebook, he finds me like six months later.

934
00:47:38.500 --> 00:47:40.580
He matches up with me and I'm like,

935
00:47:40.580 --> 00:47:42.500
I think this is the same guy.

936
00:47:42.500 --> 00:47:46.460
So, oh my God, for shits and kickers,

937
00:47:46.460 --> 00:47:49.260
I'm just gonna like see how far this goes.

938
00:47:49.260 --> 00:47:54.260
Well, he realized when we started sharing our information,

939
00:47:54.440 --> 00:47:55.720
something might've clicked.

940
00:47:55.720 --> 00:47:59.080
Oh my gosh, that was the girl I was just talking to.

941
00:47:59.080 --> 00:48:02.000
He's a godly man on the elder board.

942
00:48:02.000 --> 00:48:04.120
So this is why you can't look at gifts

943
00:48:04.120 --> 00:48:05.740
and you have to look at fruit.

944
00:48:05.740 --> 00:48:10.360
Y'all, he deleted the conversation mid conversation

945
00:48:10.360 --> 00:48:13.040
because he finally recognized I was the girl he didn't like.

946
00:48:13.040 --> 00:48:14.480
And I thought, you douche,

947
00:48:14.480 --> 00:48:16.040
like you could have at least like,

948
00:48:16.040 --> 00:48:18.120
Carrie finished the conversation and said,

949
00:48:18.120 --> 00:48:21.160
you know what, it looks like we want different things.

950
00:48:21.180 --> 00:48:24.460
Like he could have just been kind, but he wasn't,

951
00:48:24.460 --> 00:48:26.300
but he was already a jerk on the video date.

952
00:48:26.300 --> 00:48:28.820
So why did I expect him to be a gentleman?

953
00:48:28.820 --> 00:48:31.820
Here's the thing, you guys, that is gonna happen.

954
00:48:31.820 --> 00:48:35.780
If you're going to get offended by every time a guy

955
00:48:35.780 --> 00:48:39.940
goes to you, swipes left, cuts a conversation short,

956
00:48:39.940 --> 00:48:42.940
says something inappropriate, is a little bit rude,

957
00:48:42.940 --> 00:48:44.420
a little bit weird,

958
00:48:44.420 --> 00:48:46.900
then you might wanna press pause on online dating

959
00:48:46.900 --> 00:48:50.180
because you're gonna have to just let it.

960
00:48:50.180 --> 00:48:52.800
There's a phrase that one of the women,

961
00:48:52.800 --> 00:48:55.260
one of my friends, she's a writer and a speaker.

962
00:48:55.260 --> 00:48:57.120
I want you to write this phrase down.

963
00:48:58.840 --> 00:49:01.840
Duck's back, lion's heart.

964
00:49:01.840 --> 00:49:04.320
Duck's back, lion's heart.

965
00:49:04.320 --> 00:49:07.440
So the idea is you've gotta let the negative stuff

966
00:49:07.440 --> 00:49:11.400
about online dating slide off your back like a duck, right?

967
00:49:11.400 --> 00:49:13.940
So a duck's got that nice slick back.

968
00:49:13.940 --> 00:49:16.120
So just let that stuff go,

969
00:49:16.120 --> 00:49:18.320
but you gotta have the lion's heart.

970
00:49:18.340 --> 00:49:20.300
You wanna have a heart of a lion, right?

971
00:49:20.300 --> 00:49:22.100
You wanna have the heart of a lion.

972
00:49:22.100 --> 00:49:24.540
So I want you to let all the gunk go.

973
00:49:24.540 --> 00:49:27.500
So obviously Jackie always teaches us

974
00:49:27.500 --> 00:49:28.860
that when we are offended,

975
00:49:28.860 --> 00:49:32.420
it's an opportunity for an upgrade for sure.

976
00:49:32.420 --> 00:49:35.860
And if it's a real trigger, it's worth your time and energy.

977
00:49:35.860 --> 00:49:37.740
But all of this dating, you guys,

978
00:49:37.740 --> 00:49:40.740
whether it's single nation, 1822, online dating,

979
00:49:40.740 --> 00:49:42.380
out in the real world dating,

980
00:49:42.380 --> 00:49:44.020
you just think to yourself,

981
00:49:44.020 --> 00:49:47.420
duck's back, lion's heart, let it go.

982
00:49:47.440 --> 00:49:49.840
That has transformed me.

983
00:49:50.800 --> 00:49:52.640
I can't even tell you the names of the guys

984
00:49:52.640 --> 00:49:54.600
that I've talked to or that like that were jerks

985
00:49:54.600 --> 00:49:55.880
or amazing or whatever.

986
00:49:55.880 --> 00:49:59.640
I just, it would just be too much.

987
00:49:59.640 --> 00:50:00.480
So.

988
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.760
I really, really want you to have that.

989
00:50:02.760 --> 00:50:04.880
So that's how I keep it simple.

990
00:50:04.880 --> 00:50:08.600
I only talk to guys that have liked me first

991
00:50:08.600 --> 00:50:10.400
or make the first move.

992
00:50:10.400 --> 00:50:13.760
So that's how I keep it super simple.

993
00:50:13.760 --> 00:50:15.720
Like out of those dozens and dozens of guys

994
00:50:15.720 --> 00:50:16.800
that have liked me,

995
00:50:16.800 --> 00:50:18.800
there's only two that I'm talking to on this one

996
00:50:18.800 --> 00:50:20.520
and like three on Hinge right now.

997
00:50:20.520 --> 00:50:22.360
But you guys, a week ago, it was zero.

998
00:50:22.360 --> 00:50:24.880
And all of a sudden within three days, it was like nine.

999
00:50:24.880 --> 00:50:26.080
So that's how it can go.

1000
00:50:26.080 --> 00:50:27.640
It's like an ebb and flow.

1001
00:50:27.640 --> 00:50:28.760
It's an ebb and flow.

1002
00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:31.640
Oh yeah, if he says he's an atheist,

1003
00:50:31.640 --> 00:50:35.560
I'm always amazed at the guys who are agnostic and atheist,

1004
00:50:35.560 --> 00:50:36.560
but pick me.

1005
00:50:36.560 --> 00:50:37.880
And I'm like,

1006
00:50:37.880 --> 00:50:41.440
you saw the whole Jesus follower thing in my profile?

1007
00:50:41.440 --> 00:50:43.960
Like, I wasn't kidding about that.

1008
00:50:43.960 --> 00:50:46.960
Like it wasn't just the checkbox Christian.

1009
00:50:46.960 --> 00:50:51.560
I had one video, one guy swore he was a believer,

1010
00:50:51.560 --> 00:50:54.880
baptized, accepted Jesus as his savior.

1011
00:50:54.880 --> 00:50:56.520
I thought, oh my gosh, he's adorable.

1012
00:50:56.520 --> 00:50:57.480
Lives on a lake.

1013
00:50:57.480 --> 00:50:59.040
He's three hours away.

1014
00:50:59.080 --> 00:51:00.280
He's gonna be great.

1015
00:51:00.280 --> 00:51:02.480
And somewhere in our video dates,

1016
00:51:02.480 --> 00:51:04.440
he's like, we were talking about our faith.

1017
00:51:04.440 --> 00:51:08.280
He goes, oh no, I don't go to church, but you can do that.

1018
00:51:08.280 --> 00:51:10.720
I'll go out on the lake while you do your church thing.

1019
00:51:10.720 --> 00:51:12.560
And I'm like, I thought you were a believer.

1020
00:51:12.560 --> 00:51:14.040
I thought that like this.

1021
00:51:14.040 --> 00:51:15.000
He goes, oh yeah,

1022
00:51:15.000 --> 00:51:17.120
but like, I don't waste my time with that now.

1023
00:51:17.120 --> 00:51:18.200
I already know everything.

1024
00:51:18.200 --> 00:51:19.920
I'm like, you know everything.

1025
00:51:19.920 --> 00:51:20.760
I'm like, okay.

1026
00:51:20.760 --> 00:51:22.320
I said, do you go to the gym?

1027
00:51:22.320 --> 00:51:23.160
He goes, yeah.

1028
00:51:23.160 --> 00:51:24.120
I said, why do you go to the gym?

1029
00:51:24.120 --> 00:51:25.760
He goes, so I stay in shape.

1030
00:51:25.760 --> 00:51:28.360
I go, well, that's why you keep getting in the word.

1031
00:51:28.360 --> 00:51:30.040
And that's why you keep going to church.

1032
00:51:30.040 --> 00:51:32.280
So you stay in shape spiritually.

1033
00:51:32.280 --> 00:51:34.640
And he's like, oh, I hadn't thought about that.

1034
00:51:34.640 --> 00:51:36.360
And I was like, well, how's that sound for you?

1035
00:51:36.360 --> 00:51:38.200
He's like, I don't think that's me.

1036
00:51:38.200 --> 00:51:39.040
And I'm like,

1037
00:51:39.040 --> 00:51:40.880
and then we started talking about his girlfriends

1038
00:51:40.880 --> 00:51:43.920
and he would have like these two year,

1039
00:51:43.920 --> 00:51:46.640
three year relationships post-divorce with these women.

1040
00:51:46.640 --> 00:51:47.520
He called them partners.

1041
00:51:47.520 --> 00:51:48.560
He was from England.

1042
00:51:48.560 --> 00:51:50.080
He really was.

1043
00:51:50.080 --> 00:51:51.800
And I was like,

1044
00:51:51.800 --> 00:51:54.120
and I don't normally bring up the sex thing right away.

1045
00:51:54.120 --> 00:51:55.360
And we teach you guys that.

1046
00:51:55.360 --> 00:51:57.040
Don't bring up the sex stuff.

1047
00:51:57.080 --> 00:51:58.480
Look at, I got too much to tell you.

1048
00:51:58.480 --> 00:52:00.080
I gotta shut up.

1049
00:52:00.080 --> 00:52:01.520
But he brought up, I was like,

1050
00:52:01.520 --> 00:52:02.680
I think we're not gonna get,

1051
00:52:02.680 --> 00:52:04.240
I think we're not gonna be compatible.

1052
00:52:04.240 --> 00:52:06.000
And I was like, I'm thinking to myself,

1053
00:52:06.000 --> 00:52:08.400
this guy is not going abstinent for two years.

1054
00:52:08.400 --> 00:52:10.480
He's not going to Paris with them

1055
00:52:10.480 --> 00:52:12.440
and like all these old vacation trips

1056
00:52:12.440 --> 00:52:13.880
and they're staying in separate bedrooms.

1057
00:52:13.880 --> 00:52:15.080
I just don't believe it.

1058
00:52:15.080 --> 00:52:17.040
And I was not wrong.

1059
00:52:17.040 --> 00:52:19.240
And here's the odd thing, you guys.

1060
00:52:19.240 --> 00:52:21.640
So he dropped off the face of the earth.

1061
00:52:21.640 --> 00:52:24.200
He knew I was on my way to a mission trip

1062
00:52:24.200 --> 00:52:25.720
with Nicole Simone.

1063
00:52:25.720 --> 00:52:27.560
And he was like, oh, that's so great.

1064
00:52:27.560 --> 00:52:29.600
I think he went out to dinner with a friend who was like,

1065
00:52:29.600 --> 00:52:31.400
why are you going out with this Jesus girl?

1066
00:52:31.400 --> 00:52:33.120
Like, you're not Jesus girl.

1067
00:52:33.120 --> 00:52:35.240
And so he just stopped talking to me.

1068
00:52:35.240 --> 00:52:37.160
Although we are somehow Facebook friends.

1069
00:52:37.160 --> 00:52:39.480
I must agree to be Facebook friends with him.

1070
00:52:39.480 --> 00:52:42.720
And he likes all my Christian posts.

1071
00:52:42.720 --> 00:52:44.880
It just makes no sense.

1072
00:52:44.880 --> 00:52:46.800
Now, I think he's dating somebody.

1073
00:52:46.800 --> 00:52:48.560
You're like, oh my gosh, why didn't you block him?

1074
00:52:48.560 --> 00:52:49.400
Whatever.

1075
00:52:49.400 --> 00:52:51.400
Like, he doesn't seem like a bad guy.

1076
00:52:51.400 --> 00:52:53.000
He's just not my guy.

1077
00:52:54.000 --> 00:52:54.840
Okay.

1078
00:52:54.840 --> 00:52:56.640
Do not disclose your financial status

1079
00:52:56.640 --> 00:52:58.360
or your financial information.

1080
00:52:58.360 --> 00:53:00.080
You guys, like, don't say you live

1081
00:53:00.080 --> 00:53:02.160
in a 5,000 square foot house if you do.

1082
00:53:02.160 --> 00:53:05.440
Don't say you, like, you might not even say

1083
00:53:05.440 --> 00:53:07.960
you're the vice president of something.

1084
00:53:07.960 --> 00:53:09.720
Just say, oh, I work in healthcare.

1085
00:53:09.720 --> 00:53:10.960
I work in sales.

1086
00:53:10.960 --> 00:53:13.320
Like, when you're doing those early,

1087
00:53:14.480 --> 00:53:16.600
if you're doing those early texts,

1088
00:53:17.880 --> 00:53:19.080
if you're doing those early stuff,

1089
00:53:19.080 --> 00:53:21.080
you don't start disclosing stuff

1090
00:53:21.080 --> 00:53:22.800
that would give them any reason.

1091
00:53:23.600 --> 00:53:24.440
Okay.

1092
00:53:24.440 --> 00:53:25.800
Let's see.

1093
00:53:25.800 --> 00:53:26.920
First text message.

1094
00:53:26.920 --> 00:53:29.040
So this is getting the conversation going.

1095
00:53:29.040 --> 00:53:31.560
Getting the conversation going.

1096
00:53:31.560 --> 00:53:33.960
I've already told you to start swiping more

1097
00:53:33.960 --> 00:53:35.080
than you normally would.

1098
00:53:35.080 --> 00:53:36.440
You're gonna be kind.

1099
00:53:36.440 --> 00:53:37.920
You're gonna look for fruit.

1100
00:53:37.920 --> 00:53:39.200
All the good stuff.

1101
00:53:39.200 --> 00:53:40.600
First text messages.

1102
00:53:40.600 --> 00:53:43.080
People always say to me, how much information

1103
00:53:43.080 --> 00:53:45.800
do you give by text and how long do you text?

1104
00:53:45.800 --> 00:53:47.600
The how long do you text really depends

1105
00:53:47.600 --> 00:53:50.640
on how quickly you guys are both responding to each other.

1106
00:53:50.640 --> 00:53:52.640
Like right now, I'm in an all day,

1107
00:53:52.640 --> 00:53:54.800
all week continuing ed class.

1108
00:53:54.800 --> 00:53:57.720
I get online in the morning and I get online at night.

1109
00:53:57.720 --> 00:54:01.040
So there's gonna be a nine hour lag between me responding.

1110
00:54:01.040 --> 00:54:03.520
That is very different than when I'm just working from home

1111
00:54:03.520 --> 00:54:06.280
and I can be off and online all of the time.

1112
00:54:06.280 --> 00:54:08.600
So don't assume he's not gotten back to you

1113
00:54:08.600 --> 00:54:10.040
because he doesn't like you.

1114
00:54:10.040 --> 00:54:13.200
He actually might just have a job or his kids

1115
00:54:13.200 --> 00:54:14.600
and his phone's not with him.

1116
00:54:14.600 --> 00:54:16.120
Like, oh, shocker.

1117
00:54:16.120 --> 00:54:20.040
And so I always say, you text as long

1118
00:54:20.280 --> 00:54:22.840
as the conversation is flowing.

1119
00:54:22.840 --> 00:54:27.520
I usually never text with somebody longer than a week

1120
00:54:27.520 --> 00:54:30.640
before I expect it to move to a video date.

1121
00:54:30.640 --> 00:54:33.360
What do you say in the text?

1122
00:54:33.360 --> 00:54:35.640
I say, what's on your resume?

1123
00:54:36.800 --> 00:54:41.120
Anything you don't mind the entire world knowing.

1124
00:54:41.120 --> 00:54:44.560
So here is the information I will give you

1125
00:54:44.560 --> 00:54:48.240
in 30 seconds or less, what I'm willing to text.

1126
00:54:48.240 --> 00:54:51.960
Hey, I am, you know,

1127
00:54:51.960 --> 00:54:53.600
like, let me tell you a little bit more about me.

1128
00:54:53.600 --> 00:54:55.560
I grew up in a very Italian home.

1129
00:54:55.560 --> 00:54:57.680
If you picture my big fat Greek wedding,

1130
00:54:57.680 --> 00:54:59.320
that was my childhood.

1131
00:54:59.320 --> 00:55:00.160
I grew up in.

1132
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.840
New England, I spent about eight years in California,

1133
00:55:02.840 --> 00:55:05.560
but I've been in Nashville for the last 20 years.

1134
00:55:05.560 --> 00:55:08.040
I started out in corporate America in healthcare,

1135
00:55:08.040 --> 00:55:10.440
and then I went into full-time church ministry,

1136
00:55:10.440 --> 00:55:13.680
and then I ran a women's health clinic for 20 years,

1137
00:55:13.680 --> 00:55:16.280
and now I do remote work.

1138
00:55:16.280 --> 00:55:18.620
I was a cheerleader, a cheerleading coach.

1139
00:55:18.620 --> 00:55:20.440
I love college sports.

1140
00:55:20.440 --> 00:55:22.460
I love having dinner with friends.

1141
00:55:22.460 --> 00:55:24.020
I'm a really great cook.

1142
00:55:24.020 --> 00:55:26.060
I love community theater.

1143
00:55:27.460 --> 00:55:29.080
I'm really active in my church.

1144
00:55:29.080 --> 00:55:32.860
I'm on the women's ministry team and the prayer team.

1145
00:55:32.860 --> 00:55:34.960
I have a life group that I really enjoy.

1146
00:55:34.960 --> 00:55:39.820
I enjoy books, and I'm a big junkie for personality tests

1147
00:55:39.820 --> 00:55:43.060
and board games and something else.

1148
00:55:43.060 --> 00:55:44.140
Boom.

1149
00:55:44.140 --> 00:55:47.020
Oh, I'm one of four kids.

1150
00:55:47.020 --> 00:55:48.540
Yes, I've not been married yet.

1151
00:55:48.540 --> 00:55:50.780
I don't have kids, but I've coached plenty,

1152
00:55:50.780 --> 00:55:53.640
so if you have kids, I'm totally okay with that.

1153
00:55:53.640 --> 00:55:54.480
There you go.

1154
00:55:54.480 --> 00:55:56.100
So I've just vomited to all of you

1155
00:55:56.100 --> 00:55:57.820
what I'm willing to text.

1156
00:55:57.820 --> 00:55:58.660
That's it.

1157
00:55:59.580 --> 00:56:04.580
I don't text feelings, thoughts, opinions, advice, beliefs.

1158
00:56:05.460 --> 00:56:08.260
So when I see people in our community go,

1159
00:56:08.260 --> 00:56:10.060
we started talking about sex.

1160
00:56:10.060 --> 00:56:13.580
I told him I wasn't gonna have sex outside of marriage.

1161
00:56:13.580 --> 00:56:17.260
Oh my gosh, that is not appropriate texting conversation.

1162
00:56:17.260 --> 00:56:20.160
Just stop, stop, stop, stop.

1163
00:56:20.160 --> 00:56:23.620
It is resume, public information only.

1164
00:56:23.620 --> 00:56:27.500
When they ask you really personal questions,

1165
00:56:27.500 --> 00:56:29.560
you guys do not be like teenagers.

1166
00:56:29.560 --> 00:56:30.920
I ran a pregnancy center.

1167
00:56:30.920 --> 00:56:35.060
I had kids coming in completely pregnant, so they had sex,

1168
00:56:35.060 --> 00:56:37.520
but I would have the two of them sitting in front of me,

1169
00:56:37.520 --> 00:56:41.520
and their communication skills with each other were so poor

1170
00:56:41.520 --> 00:56:44.040
because they had this kind of relationship

1171
00:56:44.040 --> 00:56:46.240
until they saw each other in person and then had sex.

1172
00:56:46.240 --> 00:56:49.920
So I'm like, okay, so you did the most intimate act forever,

1173
00:56:49.920 --> 00:56:51.880
and yet you two can't even sit in the same room

1174
00:56:51.880 --> 00:56:52.720
and talk to each other.

1175
00:56:52.720 --> 00:56:55.120
So you guys, let's not behave like teenagers.

1176
00:56:55.120 --> 00:56:57.240
Get off texting as quickly as possible.

1177
00:56:57.980 --> 00:57:00.240
So how do you get off texting and onto the video date?

1178
00:57:00.240 --> 00:57:02.820
When they start to ask you more personal questions,

1179
00:57:02.820 --> 00:57:04.940
because they're going to, you say,

1180
00:57:04.940 --> 00:57:07.860
wow, that's a great question.

1181
00:57:07.860 --> 00:57:10.860
I find texting too clunky for that.

1182
00:57:10.860 --> 00:57:14.700
I would love to hop over to a video date with you,

1183
00:57:14.700 --> 00:57:19.060
because did you know that 93% of communication

1184
00:57:19.060 --> 00:57:22.520
is tone, inflection, and body language?

1185
00:57:22.520 --> 00:57:24.460
So I wanna make sure when we unpack

1186
00:57:24.460 --> 00:57:26.700
these really complex questions,

1187
00:57:27.080 --> 00:57:29.600
we can see each other and we can hear each other.

1188
00:57:29.600 --> 00:57:30.440
I'm game for that.

1189
00:57:30.440 --> 00:57:31.480
Are you game for that?

1190
00:57:31.480 --> 00:57:33.840
Oh no, I wanna just keep texting.

1191
00:57:33.840 --> 00:57:35.720
Well, then I'm not gonna answer these questions.

1192
00:57:35.720 --> 00:57:37.400
I just don't think it's appropriate.

1193
00:57:37.400 --> 00:57:40.040
I'm willing for the conversation to end right there.

1194
00:57:40.040 --> 00:57:42.520
I've been told I was being ridiculous.

1195
00:57:42.520 --> 00:57:43.400
I was being a bitch.

1196
00:57:43.400 --> 00:57:45.480
I've had people just delete me.

1197
00:57:45.480 --> 00:57:46.880
Whatever, don't care.

1198
00:57:46.880 --> 00:57:50.780
A godly, marriage-minded, masculine, covenant man,

1199
00:57:50.780 --> 00:57:54.000
kingdom man is gonna want you to feel safe.

1200
00:57:54.020 --> 00:57:57.020
So if you say you wanna do a video date next,

1201
00:57:57.020 --> 00:57:58.300
he's gonna let you.

1202
00:57:58.300 --> 00:58:01.620
If you wanna see him in person, he's gonna let you.

1203
00:58:01.620 --> 00:58:03.680
He should want you to feel safe.

1204
00:58:03.680 --> 00:58:05.740
It is not about his comfort zone.

1205
00:58:05.740 --> 00:58:08.100
And you guys, when I did the training to the men,

1206
00:58:08.100 --> 00:58:09.740
they were blown away that I said this.

1207
00:58:09.740 --> 00:58:11.460
They're like, oh, but what if I'm not ready

1208
00:58:11.460 --> 00:58:12.300
to be on the video?

1209
00:58:12.300 --> 00:58:13.860
I'm like, I don't care.

1210
00:58:13.860 --> 00:58:16.300
You need to know that she needs to make sure

1211
00:58:16.300 --> 00:58:18.100
you are who you say you are.

1212
00:58:18.100 --> 00:58:20.620
You still look like the guy in the photos,

1213
00:58:20.620 --> 00:58:23.380
and she needs to see you and hear you

1214
00:58:23.440 --> 00:58:25.680
to make sure that you're not a jerk.

1215
00:58:25.680 --> 00:58:29.360
And so like, no, those are not appropriate phone call.

1216
00:58:29.360 --> 00:58:30.400
Now, some people might go,

1217
00:58:30.400 --> 00:58:33.120
oh, well, why can't you just get on the phone with him?

1218
00:58:33.120 --> 00:58:35.520
I still don't know who he is, you guys.

1219
00:58:35.520 --> 00:58:38.280
I want to see him on a video

1220
00:58:38.280 --> 00:58:40.360
before I start telling him personal stuff.

1221
00:58:40.360 --> 00:58:43.960
So the only way you are sure that he is not a scammer

1222
00:58:43.960 --> 00:58:45.560
and he is who he says he is.

1223
00:58:45.560 --> 00:58:47.520
Now, do not say that to him.

1224
00:58:47.520 --> 00:58:50.960
Do not say to him, because some women do this,

1225
00:58:50.960 --> 00:58:52.920
well, I need to get on a video date with you

1226
00:58:52.940 --> 00:58:55.100
because I need to make sure that you're not a catfisher.

1227
00:58:55.100 --> 00:58:56.200
Kim, you're laughing, right?

1228
00:58:56.200 --> 00:58:57.780
You know girls do this, right?

1229
00:58:57.780 --> 00:58:58.620
Men do it too.

1230
00:58:58.620 --> 00:59:00.460
I need to make sure you're not a catfisher.

1231
00:59:00.460 --> 00:59:02.240
No, don't say that.

1232
00:59:02.240 --> 00:59:04.140
Give him the answer I already told you.

1233
00:59:04.140 --> 00:59:05.860
That's a great question.

1234
00:59:05.860 --> 00:59:09.140
I just think it's a little clunky to do that by text.

1235
00:59:09.140 --> 00:59:12.980
I would love to move over to a quick 20-minute video.

1236
00:59:12.980 --> 00:59:13.980
You could even say it.

1237
00:59:13.980 --> 00:59:16.660
I'd love to book a 20-minute video date.

1238
00:59:16.660 --> 00:59:20.320
I usually, if the app allows, Facebook does,

1239
00:59:20.320 --> 00:59:22.940
for you to do a video date right in the app.

1240
00:59:22.940 --> 00:59:26.900
If it does not allow it, I give them my Zoom number

1241
00:59:26.900 --> 00:59:28.300
and I do a Zoom meeting.

1242
00:59:28.300 --> 00:59:30.180
Some people now, some guys will go,

1243
00:59:30.180 --> 00:59:32.460
well, you know, Renee, why can't you just do FaceTime

1244
00:59:32.460 --> 00:59:34.220
with your cell phone, your messenger?

1245
00:59:34.220 --> 00:59:36.280
I've not learned their last name yet.

1246
00:59:36.280 --> 00:59:37.940
They've not learned mine.

1247
00:59:37.940 --> 00:59:39.620
I don't want them to have my phone number

1248
00:59:39.620 --> 00:59:42.420
because you don't have to do much of a Google search

1249
00:59:42.420 --> 00:59:45.700
to find someone's home address with a cell phone number.

1250
00:59:45.800 --> 00:59:50.680
So safety first, you know, back to safety first.

1251
00:59:50.680 --> 00:59:55.160
I try to not do more than, if it's local,

1252
00:59:55.160 --> 00:59:58.120
I try not to do more than two to three video dates

1253
00:59:58.120 --> 00:59:59.760
before we book a live date.

1254
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.080
If it's long distance, Jackie would say,

1255
01:00:02.080 --> 01:00:06.120
do not go longer than six weeks of video dates

1256
01:00:06.120 --> 01:00:08.360
before you book that live visit.

1257
01:00:08.360 --> 01:00:09.840
And now as somebody who has done

1258
01:00:09.840 --> 01:00:12.020
a lot of long distance dating,

1259
01:00:12.020 --> 01:00:14.720
I've now learned why it's important.

1260
01:00:14.720 --> 01:00:18.080
It's really easy for you to start turning

1261
01:00:18.080 --> 01:00:21.720
a one hour video day into a three hour video day.

1262
01:00:21.720 --> 01:00:23.940
And it's just so dreamy.

1263
01:00:23.940 --> 01:00:25.040
It's just so wonderful.

1264
01:00:25.040 --> 01:00:27.920
And you think because he's talking to you for three hours,

1265
01:00:27.920 --> 01:00:29.840
he's like so in love with you,

1266
01:00:29.840 --> 01:00:34.840
but he might just be bored and you're nice.

1267
01:00:34.880 --> 01:00:38.160
And he likes you, but not enough, okay?

1268
01:00:38.160 --> 01:00:41.440
So you wanna get from texting to video dates,

1269
01:00:41.440 --> 01:00:44.320
wanna do a couple of video dates, get in person.

1270
01:00:44.320 --> 01:00:48.800
Jackie's a big fan of not doing dinner dates

1271
01:00:48.800 --> 01:00:49.640
and coffee dates.

1272
01:00:49.640 --> 01:00:50.940
I do those all of the time,

1273
01:00:50.940 --> 01:00:53.040
but sometimes I take a coffee date

1274
01:00:53.040 --> 01:00:55.520
on a walking trail around town.

1275
01:00:55.520 --> 01:00:56.940
Okay.

1276
01:00:56.980 --> 01:01:00.300
On a video date, show up like it's a date.

1277
01:01:00.300 --> 01:01:02.800
All right, so I was at continuing net all day.

1278
01:01:02.800 --> 01:01:03.820
I look like crap.

1279
01:01:03.820 --> 01:01:06.500
I got caught in the rain, but I did my best for you guys.

1280
01:01:06.500 --> 01:01:08.020
I put a little bit of makeup on.

1281
01:01:08.020 --> 01:01:09.340
I got cute earrings on.

1282
01:01:09.340 --> 01:01:11.040
I got a cute little necklace on.

1283
01:01:11.040 --> 01:01:13.560
I at least flat ironed the front of my hair,

1284
01:01:13.560 --> 01:01:16.060
not the back, so you can't tell how bad it is.

1285
01:01:16.060 --> 01:01:18.960
And I have a light, a white light on me.

1286
01:01:18.960 --> 01:01:21.860
Look, I got this cute little artwork behind me.

1287
01:01:21.860 --> 01:01:24.260
So I'm purposely sitting here

1288
01:01:24.260 --> 01:01:26.660
because I want, this is kind of quirky, right?

1289
01:01:26.980 --> 01:01:29.320
It shows a little bit of my personality.

1290
01:01:29.320 --> 01:01:30.220
You want the light.

1291
01:01:30.220 --> 01:01:32.860
Ladies, face the light, face the light.

1292
01:01:32.860 --> 01:01:34.260
Ask any photographer,

1293
01:01:34.260 --> 01:01:37.680
that's how you hide all the wrinkles, face the light.

1294
01:01:37.680 --> 01:01:39.460
Like Kelly, is that Kelly?

1295
01:01:39.460 --> 01:01:41.140
Kelly Chancey?

1296
01:01:41.140 --> 01:01:42.300
Look at Kelly Chancey, man.

1297
01:01:42.300 --> 01:01:45.740
She's got light on her face, shining on her.

1298
01:01:45.740 --> 01:01:46.940
She's standing out.

1299
01:01:46.940 --> 01:01:48.920
Jessie, you are standing out.

1300
01:01:48.920 --> 01:01:50.100
You got light on your face.

1301
01:01:50.100 --> 01:01:51.620
Lynn, standing out.

1302
01:01:51.620 --> 01:01:53.260
Tanya, standing out.

1303
01:01:53.260 --> 01:01:55.060
Nicole, there's like a lot of shadow

1304
01:01:55.060 --> 01:01:56.700
hitting your face right now.

1305
01:01:56.700 --> 01:01:58.340
So it's harder to see your face.

1306
01:01:58.340 --> 01:02:01.060
Because usually when I see a shadow on someone's face,

1307
01:02:01.060 --> 01:02:03.460
it's because the light's behind them.

1308
01:02:03.460 --> 01:02:05.400
So you want to put the light in front of you.

1309
01:02:05.400 --> 01:02:07.220
Watch how different it looks.

1310
01:02:07.220 --> 01:02:09.460
I'm going to be less cute in a second, watch.

1311
01:02:10.660 --> 01:02:12.300
See how much harder it gets to be

1312
01:02:12.300 --> 01:02:14.580
when I like go away from it.

1313
01:02:14.580 --> 01:02:16.460
Like you can't quite see me.

1314
01:02:16.460 --> 01:02:18.900
So I did something even more magical though.

1315
01:02:18.900 --> 01:02:20.860
I have a ring of light.

1316
01:02:21.820 --> 01:02:23.860
So this is me without the ring of light.

1317
01:02:23.860 --> 01:02:24.740
So you're like, okay, Renee,

1318
01:02:24.740 --> 01:02:26.700
I don't have good lighting in my home.

1319
01:02:26.700 --> 01:02:30.660
Ring of light, now you can see me.

1320
01:02:30.660 --> 01:02:33.580
Okay, so you want to look hot on your dates,

1321
01:02:33.580 --> 01:02:34.980
on your video dates.

1322
01:02:34.980 --> 01:02:37.820
I already have told the men that women are turned off

1323
01:02:37.820 --> 01:02:40.060
when they show up on their video dates

1324
01:02:40.060 --> 01:02:42.660
in their little tank tops, sweaty hat,

1325
01:02:42.660 --> 01:02:43.740
and they're sitting on their bed.

1326
01:02:43.740 --> 01:02:45.940
And I'm like, mm-mm, we ain't pillow talking.

1327
01:02:45.940 --> 01:02:48.540
We're not pillow talking on our first video date.

1328
01:02:48.540 --> 01:02:52.420
So when he's sitting on the bed like this,

1329
01:02:52.420 --> 01:02:53.980
no, just no.

1330
01:02:53.980 --> 01:02:55.740
Is that how he would show up on a date?

1331
01:02:55.740 --> 01:02:56.580
No.

1332
01:02:56.580 --> 01:02:59.140
In fact, you guys, I even have a candle for you.

1333
01:02:59.140 --> 01:03:01.260
I have a burning candle and I even put perfume on

1334
01:03:01.260 --> 01:03:02.700
and you can't even smell me

1335
01:03:02.700 --> 01:03:05.220
because I wanted to treat it like a date.

1336
01:03:05.220 --> 01:03:06.460
Okay, so that's your date.

1337
01:03:06.460 --> 01:03:10.860
So again, keep those video dates an hour or shorter.

1338
01:03:10.860 --> 01:03:12.660
Do not start video dating.

1339
01:03:12.660 --> 01:03:15.220
And you guys, I taught this like a month ago.

1340
01:03:15.220 --> 01:03:17.220
And at the time I was talking to this hot guy

1341
01:03:17.220 --> 01:03:19.180
from our community and I was having

1342
01:03:19.180 --> 01:03:20.700
like three hour video dates.

1343
01:03:20.740 --> 01:03:23.380
I was not taking my own advice.

1344
01:03:23.380 --> 01:03:24.620
And you know what?

1345
01:03:24.620 --> 01:03:27.700
I got really hooked, but it fizzled.

1346
01:03:27.700 --> 01:03:30.900
It was one of those, woo, lump.

1347
01:03:30.900 --> 01:03:34.580
And so thankfully I at least kept my rule

1348
01:03:34.580 --> 01:03:37.300
of not vomiting my life story on him.

1349
01:03:37.300 --> 01:03:39.740
So thankfully there's no information I gave him

1350
01:03:39.740 --> 01:03:41.020
in those long video dates

1351
01:03:41.020 --> 01:03:43.580
that I feel like icky about now.

1352
01:03:43.580 --> 01:03:46.100
Okay, so anyway, video dates.

1353
01:03:46.100 --> 01:03:48.980
You wanna give them a reason to have another date with you.

1354
01:03:49.020 --> 01:03:51.100
You want them coming back for more

1355
01:03:51.100 --> 01:03:52.820
which is why you also want a live date.

1356
01:03:52.820 --> 01:03:54.580
Okay, so now you're on the live date.

1357
01:03:54.580 --> 01:03:58.980
If it's local, you should not have been texting

1358
01:03:58.980 --> 01:04:01.180
and talking for more than two to three weeks.

1359
01:04:01.180 --> 01:04:02.940
When I hear that girls have been texting,

1360
01:04:02.940 --> 01:04:05.300
some guy are talking on the phone for three months

1361
01:04:05.300 --> 01:04:07.020
and they still have not met in person.

1362
01:04:07.020 --> 01:04:08.700
Oh heck no.

1363
01:04:08.700 --> 01:04:11.380
And I wish I could say H-E-L-L no.

1364
01:04:11.380 --> 01:04:12.860
No, no.

1365
01:04:12.860 --> 01:04:15.460
If he is local within two to three weeks,

1366
01:04:15.460 --> 01:04:17.980
if you're all having a lot of great conversation,

1367
01:04:17.980 --> 01:04:19.620
you need to meet up.

1368
01:04:19.620 --> 01:04:23.480
You can grab coffee at Starbucks and go walk through town.

1369
01:04:23.480 --> 01:04:24.640
You can do putt-putt.

1370
01:04:24.640 --> 01:04:26.980
You can do zip lining.

1371
01:04:26.980 --> 01:04:29.540
You can do an escape game.

1372
01:04:29.540 --> 01:04:33.100
You can go dart boards, play pool, go bowling.

1373
01:04:34.440 --> 01:04:39.440
I don't know, go paddle boarding, go find something to do.

1374
01:04:39.440 --> 01:04:42.460
Or if you're gonna meet at a restaurant,

1375
01:04:42.460 --> 01:04:47.020
I try to find restaurants that like it's not super noisy,

1376
01:04:47.020 --> 01:04:48.540
it's not super crowded.

1377
01:04:48.540 --> 01:04:49.860
Like I have, I told you,

1378
01:04:49.860 --> 01:04:51.780
I've got like two or three restaurants

1379
01:04:51.780 --> 01:04:54.740
within two miles from me that I rotate.

1380
01:04:54.740 --> 01:04:56.240
If you want something higher end,

1381
01:04:56.240 --> 01:04:58.460
I've got a high-end place I go to.

1382
01:04:58.460 --> 01:05:00.220
If you want something more low-key.

1383
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.580
like singer, songwriter, music. I've got a good place to go to. I make it as easy for

1384
01:05:05.580 --> 01:05:10.220
me as possible because he's the man. So you want it to be as easy for you as possible.

1385
01:05:10.220 --> 01:05:17.620
Do not offer to pay for the bill. No, no, no. You expect him to pay for the meal. Now,

1386
01:05:17.620 --> 01:05:23.140
if it's clear he is not helping pick up the thing, or if he starts to ask you to go Dutch,

1387
01:05:23.140 --> 01:05:27.140
then of course be prepared to do that. Do not offer to do that. We want men who are

1388
01:05:27.140 --> 01:05:31.700
chivalrous. They're going to take us out to dinner. Now, if he doesn't help pay for

1389
01:05:31.700 --> 01:05:36.000
the bill, then you've just learned a little bit something about him. Same way as you did

1390
01:05:36.000 --> 01:05:40.260
for the video, you're going to show up for your best first impression. Make sure your

1391
01:05:40.260 --> 01:05:47.920
phone is not glued to you. Give them good eye contact and smile. Keep your conversation

1392
01:05:47.920 --> 01:05:52.420
in the present. So if a guy says to me on a first date, so you're single and you've

1393
01:05:52.420 --> 01:05:58.400
never been married, why? I go, you know what? That's a really great question. And if we

1394
01:05:58.400 --> 01:06:02.600
get to know each other, I'd be happy to unpack that with you. But for now, I guess my short

1395
01:06:02.600 --> 01:06:07.780
answer is, um, you know what? There were plenty of times where I made great choices and there

1396
01:06:07.780 --> 01:06:12.740
were times that I didn't make great choices and I've definitely have learned a lot about

1397
01:06:12.740 --> 01:06:18.580
it and I'm really looking forward to finding my person. He, oh, I owe him no more explanation

1398
01:06:18.580 --> 01:06:23.180
than that. Then I expect to find out why he got divorced. So that also means you don't

1399
01:06:23.180 --> 01:06:29.980
get to find out why he got divorced on the first date. She cheated and please for the

1400
01:06:29.980 --> 01:06:34.780
love of God, stop them when they start vomiting about their ex-wife. Some, and this is how

1401
01:06:34.780 --> 01:06:38.860
like, oh, but Renee, oh yes, definitely let them open the door. Oh, let them open the

1402
01:06:38.860 --> 01:06:44.260
door. Yes. Now I will say this, let them open the door. But if he walks around to his side

1403
01:06:44.260 --> 01:06:47.960
of the car and he doesn't open your side of the car door, do not just stand there waiting

1404
01:06:47.960 --> 01:06:52.320
for him to get back out of the car and come around. Like that's just silly. He's, some

1405
01:06:52.320 --> 01:06:56.600
guys just don't know any better to do it. So let him open the door. But if he's not

1406
01:06:56.600 --> 01:07:00.320
doing it, well then don't just stand by the door waiting. You might as well just open

1407
01:07:00.320 --> 01:07:07.440
the door. Um, so it's not time to talk about, so here's how I stop men from vomiting their

1408
01:07:07.440 --> 01:07:11.960
life because sometimes men get so nervous, they just want to tell you everything. So

1409
01:07:11.960 --> 01:07:16.400
I'll just stop them. I'll go, you know what? I know you want to talk about that, but that's

1410
01:07:16.400 --> 01:07:21.940
really not good for a state conversation. We really want to focus tonight on us getting

1411
01:07:21.940 --> 01:07:26.860
to know who we are today and some things that we want to do in the future. So Jackie always

1412
01:07:26.860 --> 01:07:32.120
says keep it in the present, keep it in the present. So the only thing I ever want to

1413
01:07:32.120 --> 01:07:36.920
know ahead of time is how long ago he got divorced. I know for Jackie it didn't, I mean

1414
01:07:36.920 --> 01:07:41.880
her and David have a very romantic story. It is not always worked out for me that way.

1415
01:07:41.880 --> 01:07:46.320
Whenever I've dated a guy too soon out of his divorce or not yet divorced, it usually

1416
01:07:47.240 --> 01:07:50.800
his heart work and I'm usually going to be the one that's going to get hurt at some point.

1417
01:07:50.800 --> 01:07:57.180
So for me, this is just Renee. I don't like to jump the gun on a guy who's still technically

1418
01:07:57.180 --> 01:08:02.900
married or like just got divorced last week and the ink is not yet dry. That's for me,

1419
01:08:02.900 --> 01:08:06.520
you guys, but I think it's good information for you to know, but that's it. You don't

1420
01:08:06.520 --> 01:08:11.400
want to find out about their pornography addiction, the wife cheating on him, and just sometimes

1421
01:08:11.400 --> 01:08:15.400
if they start to, I will say this too, if a guy talks badly about his ex wife on the

1422
01:08:15.400 --> 01:08:20.800
first date, no matter how bad she was, I, that does not bode well for his character.

1423
01:08:20.800 --> 01:08:26.439
A good, godly healed, whole man is not going to crap on his ex wife. Like, and sometimes

1424
01:08:26.439 --> 01:08:32.600
I've literally had to do this. Swear to God. Cause me saying stop hasn't been enough. And

1425
01:08:32.600 --> 01:08:39.700
I've literally had to go stop, stop. She's not here. It is not fair for you to talk her

1426
01:08:39.700 --> 01:08:44.460
about like when she's not here to defend herself. Now, now there was one guy and I'm not proud

1427
01:08:44.520 --> 01:08:49.420
of this, but it was kind of funny. He was such a narcissist. He was bragging about how

1428
01:08:49.420 --> 01:08:54.100
she cheated on him. I couldn't stop this train wreck. Couldn't stop him. So he told me that

1429
01:08:54.100 --> 01:08:59.779
she'd cheat on him and he dragged the divorce out so he could try to squeeze as much money

1430
01:08:59.779 --> 01:09:04.220
out of her as possible to screw her over. And I'm like, but wait, you have young kids,

1431
01:09:04.220 --> 01:09:09.620
right? I go, yeah. She goes, yeah. I said, so you were willing to hurt your kids by dragging

1432
01:09:09.620 --> 01:09:14.460
out the divorce just so you could get, you know, more money out of her. He's like, well,

1433
01:09:14.460 --> 01:09:18.020
you don't understand. She was so awful to me and she would never have sex with me cause

1434
01:09:18.020 --> 01:09:22.540
she didn't like sex. And I was like, well, she must've liked sex cause she cheated on

1435
01:09:22.540 --> 01:09:27.380
you. So she just didn't like sex with you. I mean, such not a nice thing to say, but

1436
01:09:27.380 --> 01:09:34.939
he was, he was being such a jerk. And I tried every way from Sunday to get him to slow down

1437
01:09:34.939 --> 01:09:40.819
and he just wouldn't. And y'all like, I think he hugged me goodbye and wanted to go out

1438
01:09:40.819 --> 01:09:45.500
again. I don't know. I think the narcissist in him was actually turned on by my boldness

1439
01:09:45.500 --> 01:09:50.979
and made it even worse and creepy. Do not do that. Ladies, do not do that. That was

1440
01:09:50.979 --> 01:09:58.180
not nice. Um, so do not talk about the exes on the first date. Um, you can talk about

1441
01:09:58.180 --> 01:10:00.020
your past like, Oh my gosh.

1442
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.040
In school, I was on the cheerleading team.

1443
01:10:02.040 --> 01:10:03.360
I loved archery.

1444
01:10:03.360 --> 01:10:05.320
I was really great in math.

1445
01:10:05.320 --> 01:10:08.260
My favorite subject in school was this.

1446
01:10:09.440 --> 01:10:10.840
I sang in the choir.

1447
01:10:10.840 --> 01:10:12.680
I was in West Side Story.

1448
01:10:12.680 --> 01:10:14.440
Those are the things about your past

1449
01:10:14.440 --> 01:10:15.800
that you can talk about.

1450
01:10:15.800 --> 01:10:17.520
Oh my gosh, I've been to Disneyland

1451
01:10:17.520 --> 01:10:20.120
and I've been at Turks and Caicos.

1452
01:10:20.120 --> 01:10:22.160
Those are the things about your past

1453
01:10:22.160 --> 01:10:23.200
that you can talk about.

1454
01:10:23.200 --> 01:10:26.000
You don't wanna talk about things like,

1455
01:10:26.000 --> 01:10:28.500
so I have an issue with codependency

1456
01:10:28.500 --> 01:10:29.920
and I get really attached

1457
01:10:30.840 --> 01:10:33.180
and I usually let narcissists walk all over me.

1458
01:10:33.180 --> 01:10:36.020
And I've got some daddy wounds

1459
01:10:36.020 --> 01:10:37.720
that I've just been figuring out

1460
01:10:37.720 --> 01:10:40.020
in this amazing heart work course.

1461
01:10:40.020 --> 01:10:42.380
And I found out about my counterfeit lies

1462
01:10:42.380 --> 01:10:45.460
and like, no, no.

1463
01:10:45.460 --> 01:10:47.400
If you don't know heart work language

1464
01:10:47.400 --> 01:10:48.500
and he's not in the program,

1465
01:10:48.500 --> 01:10:50.140
do not unpack heart work with him,

1466
01:10:50.140 --> 01:10:51.720
no matter how fabulous he is.

1467
01:10:51.720 --> 01:10:52.860
I don't care if he's a therapist.

1468
01:10:52.860 --> 01:10:54.400
I don't care if he's cute.

1469
01:10:54.400 --> 01:10:57.200
I don't care if he is a pastor.

1470
01:10:57.200 --> 01:10:58.180
You don't do that.

1471
01:10:58.880 --> 01:11:03.280
Okay, guide on the first date too.

1472
01:11:03.280 --> 01:11:04.960
If it's not something you would say

1473
01:11:04.960 --> 01:11:06.800
to a stranger at the grocery store,

1474
01:11:06.800 --> 01:11:09.680
it is not appropriate information for the first date.

1475
01:11:09.680 --> 01:11:12.320
So remember how I said those first text messages

1476
01:11:12.320 --> 01:11:13.760
is your resume.

1477
01:11:13.760 --> 01:11:17.480
That's those first video dates and those first live dates.

1478
01:11:17.480 --> 01:11:18.600
You really want it.

1479
01:11:18.600 --> 01:11:22.600
Here's how you know it's too much information.

1480
01:11:22.600 --> 01:11:25.560
If he ghosted you the next day,

1481
01:11:25.580 --> 01:11:28.300
would you feel like you told him too much information?

1482
01:11:29.780 --> 01:11:31.220
Does that make sense?

1483
01:11:31.220 --> 01:11:33.660
If you tell him something about your dad,

1484
01:11:33.660 --> 01:11:35.580
your sister, your brother, your mother,

1485
01:11:35.580 --> 01:11:39.140
your job, your income, your weight, your height,

1486
01:11:39.140 --> 01:11:39.980
I don't know.

1487
01:11:39.980 --> 01:11:42.360
If there's anything you share,

1488
01:11:42.360 --> 01:11:46.580
and if the next morning you never hear from him again,

1489
01:11:46.580 --> 01:11:49.460
if you feel like you had emotional hangover

1490
01:11:49.460 --> 01:11:52.140
and you told him too much information,

1491
01:11:52.140 --> 01:11:55.260
then you probably told him too much information so soon.

1492
01:11:55.920 --> 01:11:57.240
He has not earned the right to hear it.

1493
01:11:57.240 --> 01:11:59.320
So that's always my litmus test.

1494
01:11:59.320 --> 01:12:01.800
So even though I escaped that two week,

1495
01:12:01.800 --> 01:12:05.520
amazing like hot guy in this community talking to me,

1496
01:12:05.520 --> 01:12:07.760
and we probably talked way too long,

1497
01:12:07.760 --> 01:12:12.460
I reflected back on the content and I was like, I'm good.

1498
01:12:12.460 --> 01:12:15.200
Like there's no information I told him.

1499
01:12:15.200 --> 01:12:17.160
Now I'm a writer and a speaker,

1500
01:12:17.160 --> 01:12:19.240
so I vomit a lot about my life

1501
01:12:19.240 --> 01:12:21.200
way more than the average person does,

1502
01:12:21.200 --> 01:12:24.480
but it's all stuff that I'm long keeled from.

1503
01:12:24.500 --> 01:12:26.700
And it's like, it's not a thing anymore.

1504
01:12:26.700 --> 01:12:30.340
And it's stuff that I don't mind just anybody knowing about.

1505
01:12:31.420 --> 01:12:33.060
Those are the live dates.

1506
01:12:33.060 --> 01:12:36.420
If the date is over and you're like,

1507
01:12:36.420 --> 01:12:38.300
I wanna see this guy again.

1508
01:12:38.300 --> 01:12:40.580
So here's what I learned how to do at the end of the date.

1509
01:12:40.580 --> 01:12:42.100
He hopefully walks you to the car.

1510
01:12:42.100 --> 01:12:43.500
If he's a gentleman, he will.

1511
01:12:43.500 --> 01:12:46.860
You say, Mark, I had a really great time tonight.

1512
01:12:46.860 --> 01:12:48.940
I would love to see you again.

1513
01:12:48.940 --> 01:12:50.420
I'm not sure if you feel the same way.

1514
01:12:50.420 --> 01:12:51.900
And if you don't, I just wanted you to know

1515
01:12:51.900 --> 01:12:54.100
I had a great time and I wish you the very best.

1516
01:12:54.720 --> 01:12:56.160
But if you think about it and you'd like to see me,

1517
01:12:56.160 --> 01:12:58.760
I just wanted you to know, I'd love to see you again.

1518
01:12:58.760 --> 01:13:00.280
Such a great time meeting you.

1519
01:13:00.280 --> 01:13:02.060
I turn and go get in my car.

1520
01:13:02.060 --> 01:13:05.140
So if he wasn't thinking about dating me,

1521
01:13:05.140 --> 01:13:07.980
like he doesn't have to have a long explanation,

1522
01:13:07.980 --> 01:13:10.840
but he does not leave that parking lot

1523
01:13:10.840 --> 01:13:14.920
in doubt about where I stand, okay?

1524
01:13:14.920 --> 01:13:19.560
Now, if he, because there's nothing worse

1525
01:13:19.560 --> 01:13:21.360
than you both leaving the date going,

1526
01:13:21.380 --> 01:13:25.060
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

1527
01:13:25.060 --> 01:13:26.260
I think he did.

1528
01:13:26.260 --> 01:13:29.620
Now, if it's going really well and he's really confident,

1529
01:13:29.620 --> 01:13:31.740
he's booking the next date.

1530
01:13:31.740 --> 01:13:33.980
So if you don't wanna go out with him,

1531
01:13:33.980 --> 01:13:36.680
now, Jackie always says it's a yes until it's a no.

1532
01:13:36.680 --> 01:13:38.820
So unless he's a complete douchebag

1533
01:13:38.820 --> 01:13:40.860
or really creepy or unkempt,

1534
01:13:40.860 --> 01:13:43.980
I try to give everybody a second chance.

1535
01:13:43.980 --> 01:13:47.420
So a nice guy deserves a second chance.

1536
01:13:47.420 --> 01:13:50.660
So if he says, I had a really great time tonight.

1537
01:13:50.680 --> 01:13:52.760
Would you be willing to go out with me again?

1538
01:13:52.760 --> 01:13:55.560
Here's what I do, especially if I was bored to pieces.

1539
01:13:55.560 --> 01:13:57.600
He was a nice guy, but I was bored.

1540
01:13:57.600 --> 01:13:59.160
I say, you know what?

1541
01:13:59.160 --> 01:14:00.920
Sure, let's try another date.

1542
01:14:00.920 --> 01:14:02.360
What would you like to do?

1543
01:14:02.360 --> 01:14:04.520
What would be fun for you?

1544
01:14:04.520 --> 01:14:06.040
And if he says, I don't know,

1545
01:14:06.040 --> 01:14:07.780
I like to golf or I like to fish.

1546
01:14:07.780 --> 01:14:10.460
Even if I absolutely can't stand it,

1547
01:14:10.460 --> 01:14:12.800
I'm gonna let him pick the next date,

1548
01:14:12.800 --> 01:14:16.320
doing the thing he's the most comfortable and happy doing,

1549
01:14:16.320 --> 01:14:19.160
because that's gonna be his best shot at success.

1550
01:14:19.160 --> 01:14:21.700
So if he was kind of nerdy, kind of talk too much,

1551
01:14:21.700 --> 01:14:23.980
kind of quiet too much, kind of boring,

1552
01:14:23.980 --> 01:14:26.540
maybe we picked a date that was good for me,

1553
01:14:26.540 --> 01:14:28.060
but not good for him.

1554
01:14:28.060 --> 01:14:30.320
So I'm gonna give him one more chance

1555
01:14:30.320 --> 01:14:33.740
to do a date in his favorite environment,

1556
01:14:33.740 --> 01:14:37.260
even if it's not my favorite environment.

1557
01:14:37.260 --> 01:14:38.820
So that's what I'm willing to do.

1558
01:14:38.820 --> 01:14:41.580
If I'm not interested in another date

1559
01:14:41.580 --> 01:14:43.660
and there's no way in heck it's gonna happen

1560
01:14:43.660 --> 01:14:47.820
and he bombs me with it in that parking lot thing,

1561
01:14:47.820 --> 01:14:49.360
I'll just say, you know what?

1562
01:14:49.360 --> 01:14:52.000
I really had a great time with you tonight.

1563
01:14:52.000 --> 01:14:53.840
You seem like a really great person.

1564
01:14:53.840 --> 01:14:57.600
I don't think I wanna pursue anything else though.

1565
01:14:57.600 --> 01:14:59.040
Thank you so much for asking.

1566
01:14:59.040 --> 01:14:59.880
That was very kind.

1567
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.000
of you.

1568
01:15:01.000 --> 01:15:03.280
And then I turn and go before he's mortified.

1569
01:15:03.280 --> 01:15:07.240
So this way you are kind in the know.

1570
01:15:07.240 --> 01:15:08.240
So it is okay.

1571
01:15:08.240 --> 01:15:11.160
And you're like, well, what do you use as your excuse?

1572
01:15:11.160 --> 01:15:12.160
You don't need it.

1573
01:15:12.160 --> 01:15:13.160
It's one date.

1574
01:15:13.160 --> 01:15:17.840
You guys, you owe him no explanation on why, because guess what, if a guy doesn't want

1575
01:15:17.840 --> 01:15:20.240
to see you again, this is going to be their answer.

1576
01:15:20.240 --> 01:15:21.240
Like, I don't know.

1577
01:15:21.240 --> 01:15:22.240
I just didn't feel it.

1578
01:15:22.240 --> 01:15:24.040
Like for most guys, it's a chemistry thing.

1579
01:15:24.040 --> 01:15:25.720
It's a, it's not just a look thing.

1580
01:15:25.720 --> 01:15:27.680
It's like that whole chemistry thing.

1581
01:15:27.680 --> 01:15:29.960
And if you ask a guy, well, why don't you want to see me again?

1582
01:15:29.960 --> 01:15:31.160
He's not going to have a good answer.

1583
01:15:31.160 --> 01:15:32.160
I promise you.

1584
01:15:32.160 --> 01:15:33.160
I wish they would.

1585
01:15:33.160 --> 01:15:36.100
There's no, they don't have good answers, whether you've been out on one date with them

1586
01:15:36.100 --> 01:15:39.360
or five dates with them, but I need closure.

1587
01:15:39.360 --> 01:15:40.440
I suck at closure.

1588
01:15:40.440 --> 01:15:41.640
They just have no good answer.

1589
01:15:41.640 --> 01:15:45.560
So I promise you there's nothing that, so there's no magical thing he's going to say

1590
01:15:45.560 --> 01:15:48.400
that's going to make it like, oh, well now that makes sense.

1591
01:15:48.400 --> 01:15:51.480
I'm so glad I asked that question.

1592
01:15:51.480 --> 01:15:53.160
So just let it go.

1593
01:15:53.160 --> 01:15:55.960
Or when he says me too, let's yeah.

1594
01:15:55.960 --> 01:15:59.480
What if he says me too, then says, let's touch base.

1595
01:15:59.480 --> 01:16:04.400
I always say, if I trust him, if I want to see him again, you know what?

1596
01:16:04.400 --> 01:16:08.120
Well now that I've met you, I would love to give you my phone number.

1597
01:16:08.120 --> 01:16:09.640
Here's my phone number.

1598
01:16:09.640 --> 01:16:14.800
So now that's when I released my phone number after that first date, that's when I released

1599
01:16:14.800 --> 01:16:15.800
my phone number.

1600
01:16:15.800 --> 01:16:16.800
You know what?

1601
01:16:16.800 --> 01:16:17.800
I would love to see you too.

1602
01:16:17.800 --> 01:16:18.800
Here's my number.

1603
01:16:18.800 --> 01:16:20.680
You know how to reach me.

1604
01:16:20.680 --> 01:16:23.000
And then I let them book the date.

1605
01:16:23.040 --> 01:16:24.720
I do not book that next date.

1606
01:16:24.720 --> 01:16:26.160
Don't do it.

1607
01:16:26.160 --> 01:16:28.400
Because I've already not left him guessing.

1608
01:16:28.400 --> 01:16:31.200
I've already told him I want to see him again.

1609
01:16:31.200 --> 01:16:34.400
If he says, yeah, me too, then I'll say, hey, do you want my number?

1610
01:16:34.400 --> 01:16:37.700
Now if he says no, I'll just find you on the app.

1611
01:16:37.700 --> 01:16:38.700
That's a good indication.

1612
01:16:38.700 --> 01:16:41.240
He really doesn't want to see me again.

1613
01:16:41.240 --> 01:16:44.560
But if he really wants to see me again, he's getting my phone number, right?

1614
01:16:44.560 --> 01:16:46.160
And he's booking the next date.

1615
01:16:46.160 --> 01:16:50.120
Now once I've given him my phone number, I don't necessarily have his.

1616
01:16:50.120 --> 01:16:54.560
I like that because, you know, I might get desperate one night and actually start texting

1617
01:16:54.560 --> 01:16:58.440
him or calling him like, now I've got to tell him I got home safely and tell him I had a

1618
01:16:58.440 --> 01:16:59.440
great time.

1619
01:16:59.440 --> 01:17:00.440
I already told him I had a great time.

1620
01:17:00.440 --> 01:17:02.720
I don't need to tell him a second time I had a great time.

1621
01:17:02.720 --> 01:17:06.360
Now if he says, here's my number, please let me know that you got home safely.

1622
01:17:06.360 --> 01:17:09.360
Then I will say, hey, I just got home.

1623
01:17:09.360 --> 01:17:10.360
Thanks again.

1624
01:17:10.360 --> 01:17:11.360
Had a great time.

1625
01:17:11.360 --> 01:17:13.080
Look forward to seeing you again.

1626
01:17:13.080 --> 01:17:14.960
Leave it at that.

1627
01:17:14.960 --> 01:17:16.520
Is this kind of helping?

1628
01:17:16.520 --> 01:17:20.120
So be direct, but kind, right?

1629
01:17:20.120 --> 01:17:21.120
Speak the truth and love.

1630
01:17:21.120 --> 01:17:22.120
Be direct.

1631
01:17:22.120 --> 01:17:28.120
I teach this in Boundaries next week, but my other famous statement is children explain,

1632
01:17:28.120 --> 01:17:29.960
adults make statements.

1633
01:17:29.960 --> 01:17:32.800
And so we'll learn that a little bit more in Boundaries next week.

1634
01:17:32.800 --> 01:17:36.880
But it's just this idea in the beginning, if you want to go out, you tell me you want

1635
01:17:36.880 --> 01:17:37.880
to go out.

1636
01:17:37.880 --> 01:17:40.320
If you don't want to go out, you tell me you don't want to go out.

1637
01:17:40.320 --> 01:17:41.320
Does it sting?

1638
01:17:41.320 --> 01:17:42.320
Yeah.

1639
01:17:42.320 --> 01:17:43.320
Does it sting?

1640
01:17:43.320 --> 01:17:44.320
Yeah.

1641
01:17:44.320 --> 01:17:46.960
Is it better than like stringing somebody along?

1642
01:17:46.960 --> 01:17:49.680
I don't know about you, but I don't want to be strung along.

1643
01:17:49.680 --> 01:17:53.840
Like when a guy has decided he doesn't want to see me in person or he doesn't want to

1644
01:17:53.840 --> 01:17:54.840
keep talking to me.

1645
01:17:54.840 --> 01:17:56.160
Does it sting a little bit?

1646
01:17:56.160 --> 01:17:57.160
Yes.

1647
01:17:57.160 --> 01:17:58.400
Is my ego bruised a little bit?

1648
01:17:58.400 --> 01:17:59.400
Sure it is.

1649
01:17:59.400 --> 01:18:01.200
But then I get past it.

1650
01:18:01.200 --> 01:18:05.520
But guess what I haven't done in two years since I've been in this program, I have not

1651
01:18:05.520 --> 01:18:10.040
wasted one night's sleep worrying about what a guy thinks of me.

1652
01:18:10.040 --> 01:18:12.920
And you know what you guys, there's no more freedom than that.

1653
01:18:12.920 --> 01:18:16.160
Like I know if he is into me and I know if he's not.

1654
01:18:16.160 --> 01:18:18.640
And if I don't know, I no longer care.

1655
01:18:18.640 --> 01:18:22.700
He doesn't, he doesn't, he hasn't earned my lack of sleep.

1656
01:18:22.700 --> 01:18:28.960
So that is really, okay, level, I really want to say this and I want to take any questions

1657
01:18:28.960 --> 01:18:31.120
that you have for the last 15 minutes.

1658
01:18:31.120 --> 01:18:32.120
Okay.

1659
01:18:32.120 --> 01:18:33.120
Level two.

1660
01:18:33.120 --> 01:18:34.120
Jackie talks about level two dating.

1661
01:18:34.120 --> 01:18:37.280
So level one is you and I just getting to know each other.

1662
01:18:37.280 --> 01:18:39.480
You and I can even do level two.

1663
01:18:39.480 --> 01:18:40.480
Like where is she?

1664
01:18:40.480 --> 01:18:41.480
Tanya on here.

1665
01:18:41.480 --> 01:18:42.480
She's in Nashville.

1666
01:18:42.480 --> 01:18:43.480
The other Tanya.

1667
01:18:43.480 --> 01:18:46.240
Um, she's like, Hey Renee, can we go out for coffee?

1668
01:18:46.240 --> 01:18:50.080
Hey, Tanya wants to do level two with me because it's not going to be romantic.

1669
01:18:50.080 --> 01:18:51.480
It's just going to be discovery.

1670
01:18:51.480 --> 01:18:54.920
I do level two with single city Nashville people all the time.

1671
01:18:54.920 --> 01:18:57.200
I'm deciding if I want to be friends with them.

1672
01:18:57.200 --> 01:19:01.120
Now there are plenty of people I meet in single city Nashville, like it's fine for these events,

1673
01:19:01.120 --> 01:19:03.360
but like they're not going to become my people.

1674
01:19:03.360 --> 01:19:04.360
That's okay.

1675
01:19:04.360 --> 01:19:06.560
So like we're doing a little level two dating, right?

1676
01:19:06.560 --> 01:19:11.000
So level two is platonic getting to know each other discovery.

1677
01:19:11.520 --> 01:19:17.720
I always encourage people to not just have sexual boundaries, but to have intimacy boundaries.

1678
01:19:17.720 --> 01:19:23.280
Again it's back to don't start vomiting all your therapy information on them in those

1679
01:19:23.280 --> 01:19:25.040
first early dates.

1680
01:19:25.040 --> 01:19:28.840
Now when does level two turn into level three exclusive?

1681
01:19:28.840 --> 01:19:33.760
When you guys, I mean, Jackie actually said it in Ask Jackie, he takes the lead on that.

1682
01:19:33.760 --> 01:19:38.040
Um, is it weird for you guys to be dating multiple people in level two?

1683
01:19:38.040 --> 01:19:39.040
I don't know.

1684
01:19:39.040 --> 01:19:40.040
It's weird for me too.

1685
01:19:40.080 --> 01:19:42.720
I try to, I mean, you don't owe them an explanation.

1686
01:19:42.720 --> 01:19:45.120
If a guy says, well, are you talking to other people?

1687
01:19:45.120 --> 01:19:49.200
You can say, you know what, in this discovery phase, yeah, I am talking to other people.

1688
01:19:49.200 --> 01:19:54.240
But obviously if it becomes clear that I have a mutual attraction and interest in somebody,

1689
01:19:54.240 --> 01:19:58.240
I would hope that we would both have that conversation and press pause on dating other

1690
01:19:58.240 --> 01:19:59.240
people.

1691
01:19:59.240 --> 01:20:00.240
That's the phrase.

1692
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.440
I say, press pause on talking to other people,

1693
01:20:00.240 --> 01:20:00.240


1694
01:20:03.440 --> 01:20:05.080
because that sounds less committed

1695
01:20:05.080 --> 01:20:07.160
than we're about to go in level three,

1696
01:20:07.160 --> 01:20:09.520
committed dating relationship.

1697
01:20:09.520 --> 01:20:11.240
So Jackie doesn't talk about it,

1698
01:20:11.240 --> 01:20:13.400
but a lot of us in the community on the down low

1699
01:20:13.400 --> 01:20:15.400
talk about 2A and 2B.

1700
01:20:15.400 --> 01:20:18.440
2A is when you're just doing that discovery dating,

1701
01:20:18.440 --> 01:20:20.920
and you're probably talking to a bunch of different guys.

1702
01:20:20.920 --> 01:20:23.640
2B is you're kind of hoping he's narrowing it down

1703
01:20:23.640 --> 01:20:26.300
to just you and you'd like to narrow it down to just him,

1704
01:20:26.300 --> 01:20:29.280
but you're not ready to have the big marriage conversation.

1705
01:20:29.320 --> 01:20:33.640
So you might say, gosh, I would love to kind of press pause

1706
01:20:33.640 --> 01:20:35.440
on you talking to other girls right now.

1707
01:20:35.440 --> 01:20:36.440
How do you feel about that?

1708
01:20:36.440 --> 01:20:38.940
Oh, Renee, I would love for you to press pause too.

1709
01:20:40.840 --> 01:20:42.920
Yeah, right, discovery and press pause.

1710
01:20:42.920 --> 01:20:46.160
Press pause seems less like, can we be exclusive?

1711
01:20:46.160 --> 01:20:48.540
Like it sounds less threatening, right?

1712
01:20:48.540 --> 01:20:51.400
Press pause is like, pause.

1713
01:20:51.400 --> 01:20:53.420
It doesn't sound so in your face.

1714
01:20:56.600 --> 01:20:57.440
I will say this,

1715
01:20:57.440 --> 01:20:59.000
unlike the example that I gave you

1716
01:20:59.000 --> 01:21:01.440
when I was very mean to the douchey dude,

1717
01:21:01.440 --> 01:21:06.040
I always try to leave people better than I received them.

1718
01:21:06.040 --> 01:21:08.760
And so I'm always gonna kill him with kindness.

1719
01:21:08.760 --> 01:21:11.880
If a guy is a jerk, I used to think,

1720
01:21:11.880 --> 01:21:13.160
especially if they're believers,

1721
01:21:13.160 --> 01:21:15.320
I used to think it was my job to teach them

1722
01:21:15.320 --> 01:21:17.440
how to treat a woman so that he doesn't treat

1723
01:21:17.440 --> 01:21:19.100
the next woman the same way.

1724
01:21:19.100 --> 01:21:21.520
So I would say, as a sister in Christ,

1725
01:21:21.520 --> 01:21:23.400
the way that you treated me was very unkind.

1726
01:21:23.400 --> 01:21:25.940
I hope the next time you talk to another sister in Christ,

1727
01:21:25.940 --> 01:21:26.780
you don't do that.

1728
01:21:27.060 --> 01:21:27.900
He don't know me.

1729
01:21:27.900 --> 01:21:29.700
He's already decided he doesn't wanna date me.

1730
01:21:29.700 --> 01:21:33.260
So he already has decided he doesn't need my information

1731
01:21:33.260 --> 01:21:34.300
or my help.

1732
01:21:34.300 --> 01:21:36.740
So I've seen women who feel like they need

1733
01:21:36.740 --> 01:21:39.940
to have the last word, whether it's in the texting phase,

1734
01:21:39.940 --> 01:21:42.820
the video day, or the dating date,

1735
01:21:42.820 --> 01:21:44.620
they feel like I'm gonna have the last word.

1736
01:21:44.620 --> 01:21:46.900
Now, granted, if you have a long-term,

1737
01:21:46.900 --> 01:21:50.340
level three relationship, like I did with my guy in Simbis,

1738
01:21:50.340 --> 01:21:53.360
yeah, I gave him a lot of feedback for him to consider

1739
01:21:53.360 --> 01:21:55.160
before he pursued another woman.

1740
01:21:55.160 --> 01:21:57.040
But we had spent six months together

1741
01:21:57.040 --> 01:21:58.720
and we talked about getting married.

1742
01:21:58.720 --> 01:22:01.940
That's very different than those early conversations.

1743
01:22:03.440 --> 01:22:07.800
Let me just say very quickly about 1822 and Single Nation.

1744
01:22:07.800 --> 01:22:12.240
Single Nation, Jackie has created a Facebook presence

1745
01:22:12.240 --> 01:22:14.440
and an Instagram presence.

1746
01:22:14.440 --> 01:22:18.120
You can fill out, she lets women in more slowly

1747
01:22:18.120 --> 01:22:21.660
than the men because she's trying to keep it 50-50,

1748
01:22:21.660 --> 01:22:23.440
men and women on the site.

1749
01:22:23.920 --> 01:22:26.960
And so for the men, for Single Nation,

1750
01:22:26.960 --> 01:22:30.440
she just makes sure that he is a real guy.

1751
01:22:30.440 --> 01:22:32.640
She does a discovery call with every guy

1752
01:22:32.640 --> 01:22:34.600
that she lets into Single Nation.

1753
01:22:34.600 --> 01:22:37.480
She does not check his health, his, you know what I'm saying?

1754
01:22:37.480 --> 01:22:40.980
Like they don't all, so in Single Nation,

1755
01:22:40.980 --> 01:22:42.720
these are not guys that have necessarily

1756
01:22:42.720 --> 01:22:43.860
gone through heart work.

1757
01:22:43.860 --> 01:22:45.440
She's not saying they're healthy.

1758
01:22:45.440 --> 01:22:47.220
She's not saying that they're, you know,

1759
01:22:47.220 --> 01:22:49.520
she has done a discovery call with them.

1760
01:22:49.520 --> 01:22:52.280
She's at least vetted them a little bit.

1761
01:22:52.280 --> 01:22:55.120
So do not assume that Single Nation guys

1762
01:22:55.120 --> 01:22:58.860
are gonna be more gallant, more godly,

1763
01:22:58.860 --> 01:23:01.560
more marriage-minded, we don't know.

1764
01:23:01.560 --> 01:23:04.860
They are more vetted than the regular dating,

1765
01:23:04.860 --> 01:23:06.600
online dating population.

1766
01:23:06.600 --> 01:23:09.480
So I would say proceed with caution

1767
01:23:09.480 --> 01:23:12.800
and Single Nation, do not assume anything.

1768
01:23:12.800 --> 01:23:15.780
Just know that he's a real guy, that's it.

1769
01:23:15.780 --> 01:23:18.000
Now, 1822, just so you guys know,

1770
01:23:18.000 --> 01:23:20.840
there's only about a hundred guys in 1822.

1771
01:23:20.840 --> 01:23:23.080
They're the guys within Single Nation

1772
01:23:23.080 --> 01:23:24.720
who are also doing what we're doing.

1773
01:23:24.720 --> 01:23:25.940
They're doing heart work.

1774
01:23:25.940 --> 01:23:28.040
They're coming to a lot of the co-ed events

1775
01:23:28.040 --> 01:23:29.960
that you're gonna start to get invited to.

1776
01:23:29.960 --> 01:23:32.960
Those guys are doing, but even then, you guys,

1777
01:23:32.960 --> 01:23:35.000
you still don't know how much heart work

1778
01:23:35.000 --> 01:23:35.840
they're really doing.

1779
01:23:35.840 --> 01:23:37.720
Just like you all, can you all say

1780
01:23:37.720 --> 01:23:40.840
that you're all exactly doing the same amount of heart work?

1781
01:23:40.840 --> 01:23:42.720
No, there are some of you in the community

1782
01:23:42.720 --> 01:23:43.600
that haven't done anything.

1783
01:23:43.600 --> 01:23:45.200
I'm not saying you guys, because you're on.

1784
01:23:45.200 --> 01:23:46.020
Do you know what I'm saying?

1785
01:23:46.020 --> 01:23:47.520
But if you're watching in this replay,

1786
01:23:47.520 --> 01:23:48.680
there's at least 20 people

1787
01:23:48.680 --> 01:23:50.560
who haven't watched the video at all.

1788
01:23:51.120 --> 01:23:54.240
Just because he's in 1822, don't, again,

1789
01:23:54.240 --> 01:23:56.160
don't assume anything.

1790
01:23:56.160 --> 01:23:58.200
All of the stuff I just taught you tonight,

1791
01:23:58.200 --> 01:24:03.080
you want to employ the same level of growth in there.

1792
01:24:03.080 --> 01:24:06.560
Okay, I think I've vomited plenty on you,

1793
01:24:06.560 --> 01:24:08.800
and I want to take any questions that you have.

1794
01:24:08.800 --> 01:24:09.960
Suzanne, do you have a question,

1795
01:24:09.960 --> 01:24:11.800
or is your hand up for something else?

1796
01:24:14.040 --> 01:24:16.240
No, it was a question.

1797
01:24:16.240 --> 01:24:17.520
I'm sorry, I'm under construction.

1798
01:24:17.520 --> 01:24:19.640
That's why the video's off.

1799
01:24:19.640 --> 01:24:22.040
So I'm connecting with a guy.

1800
01:24:22.040 --> 01:24:24.560
I'm at that point where we've gone on a couple of dates.

1801
01:24:24.560 --> 01:24:27.240
We've obviously clearly, we've exchanged numbers.

1802
01:24:27.240 --> 01:24:30.500
I'm seeing a pretty inconsistency with his pattern,

1803
01:24:31.760 --> 01:24:34.920
almost to the point of like every three days.

1804
01:24:34.920 --> 01:24:37.080
Like this weekend, we went out Saturday night.

1805
01:24:37.080 --> 01:24:38.500
Amazing date.

1806
01:24:38.500 --> 01:24:39.340
I posted it.

1807
01:24:39.340 --> 01:24:40.340
Everybody saw it.

1808
01:24:41.800 --> 01:24:43.160
Text me yesterday.

1809
01:24:43.160 --> 01:24:45.760
And then I've kind of noticed like during the week,

1810
01:24:45.760 --> 01:24:47.920
he'll go a little bit.

1811
01:24:48.720 --> 01:24:50.400
I'm kind of, I'm thrown off.

1812
01:24:50.400 --> 01:24:53.160
And he did, in talking about online dating jokingly,

1813
01:24:53.160 --> 01:24:54.520
he was like, are you still on?

1814
01:24:54.520 --> 01:24:55.360
I said, yeah.

1815
01:24:55.360 --> 01:24:57.080
And he said he was too.

1816
01:24:57.080 --> 01:24:59.960
So I don't know, like how.

1817
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.700
When you, when you're exchanging numbers and you're at that point, like how do you kind

1818
01:25:04.700 --> 01:25:07.460
of put the guidelines?

1819
01:25:07.460 --> 01:25:13.180
So here's what I, here's what I try to find out early in the, the texting, the video date

1820
01:25:13.180 --> 01:25:14.180
or the first date.

1821
01:25:14.180 --> 01:25:17.180
I usually try to find out where they are in the dating process.

1822
01:25:17.180 --> 01:25:19.520
So I kind of have a gauge on it.

1823
01:25:19.520 --> 01:25:24.860
So like that 18, 22 guy I talked to, I, my first clue should have been his divorce was

1824
01:25:24.860 --> 01:25:28.140
just final and he was just getting back out there on the dating scene.

1825
01:25:28.380 --> 01:25:32.140
Well, when the guys in our community see how many great women there are, they're like a

1826
01:25:32.140 --> 01:25:33.500
kid in the candy store.

1827
01:25:33.500 --> 01:25:37.420
They're like, oh my gosh, look at all these amazing women I get to go out on a date with.

1828
01:25:37.420 --> 01:25:40.180
So that's my first ding, ding, ding.

1829
01:25:40.180 --> 01:25:42.100
He's going to want to date a bit.

1830
01:25:42.100 --> 01:25:43.940
I've been in the program long enough.

1831
01:25:43.940 --> 01:25:49.820
If I meet Mr. Fabulous, I'm ready to shut my sights down and let's go.

1832
01:25:49.820 --> 01:25:55.020
And so I try to find out like, hey, how early are you in the dating process?

1833
01:25:55.020 --> 01:25:57.580
Like are you just kind of getting out there?

1834
01:25:57.580 --> 01:25:59.660
Like where would you like to go?

1835
01:25:59.660 --> 01:26:06.020
Like where do you see you wanting to go with relationships and dating in general in the

1836
01:26:06.020 --> 01:26:07.860
next year?

1837
01:26:07.860 --> 01:26:09.780
Where do you see yourself going with dating?

1838
01:26:09.780 --> 01:26:15.740
If he says to you, you know what, I've been out there, I just really want to find my person

1839
01:26:15.740 --> 01:26:20.040
or you know what, Christina, it was, you know, I'm just like, I'm just getting myself out

1840
01:26:20.040 --> 01:26:23.340
there and I'm just kind of dipping my toe in the water.

1841
01:26:23.340 --> 01:26:29.580
And that's explaining why he's being inconsistent because he's probably A, trying to pace himself

1842
01:26:29.580 --> 01:26:33.500
with you and not put all his eggs in one basket and rush it.

1843
01:26:33.500 --> 01:26:37.060
But so it might be either, I just need to not put all my eggs in this basket and rush

1844
01:26:37.060 --> 01:26:38.860
it and screw it up.

1845
01:26:38.860 --> 01:26:42.060
Or this is early for me in the dating process.

1846
01:26:42.060 --> 01:26:47.980
And so I would say if a guy's behavior is inconsistent, that is a good sign for you

1847
01:26:47.980 --> 01:26:51.160
to keep your options open and treat him the same way.

1848
01:26:51.160 --> 01:26:52.420
So match his energy.

1849
01:26:52.500 --> 01:26:57.140
Jackie always says match his energy and it's frustrating because when we have a really

1850
01:26:57.140 --> 01:27:02.860
good connection with somebody and you're like, oh my gosh, he's going to realize I'm amazing.

1851
01:27:02.860 --> 01:27:08.700
If he's not ready to settle down, it may not matter how amazing you are.

1852
01:27:08.700 --> 01:27:12.700
So to protect your heart, just don't always be so available.

1853
01:27:12.700 --> 01:27:14.220
Do you know what I'm saying?

1854
01:27:14.220 --> 01:27:20.020
Like make sure that you're not always answering the call or like if he's taking three days

1855
01:27:20.020 --> 01:27:23.380
to text you, I'm not saying play a game and take three days to respond.

1856
01:27:23.380 --> 01:27:24.380
Right.

1857
01:27:24.380 --> 01:27:25.380
That's my thing.

1858
01:27:25.380 --> 01:27:26.380
Yeah.

1859
01:27:26.380 --> 01:27:28.820
But maybe wait 30 minutes, maybe wait an hour.

1860
01:27:28.820 --> 01:27:29.820
Like do you know what I'm saying?

1861
01:27:29.820 --> 01:27:33.380
Make him wait a little bit.

1862
01:27:33.380 --> 01:27:36.980
And so if he wants to ask you out on a date, like it's so old fashioned, but I'm a big

1863
01:27:36.980 --> 01:27:41.140
believer if you want to go out with me by Friday or Saturday night, you're booking the

1864
01:27:41.140 --> 01:27:42.420
date by Wednesday.

1865
01:27:42.420 --> 01:27:44.780
I'm still old fashioned that way.

1866
01:27:44.780 --> 01:27:46.500
I don't accept last minute dates.

1867
01:27:46.500 --> 01:27:49.740
Are we allowed to get on 18, 18, 22 is just for the men.

1868
01:27:50.460 --> 01:27:51.980
You guys are just here for the women.

1869
01:27:51.980 --> 01:27:56.540
So 18, 22 is where David meets with the men alone.

1870
01:27:56.540 --> 01:28:00.700
We're in some version of bride school and we meet alone.

1871
01:28:00.700 --> 01:28:04.620
And then Jackie brings us all together for some co-ed stuff.

1872
01:28:04.620 --> 01:28:06.940
The co-ed prayer on Sunday night.

1873
01:28:06.940 --> 01:28:10.740
He said, she said his co-ed heart connect is co-ed.

1874
01:28:10.740 --> 01:28:12.660
A lot of the teachings are co-ed.

1875
01:28:12.660 --> 01:28:17.300
So as soon as you guys are done with this accelerator stuff, you're going to be thrown

1876
01:28:17.300 --> 01:28:21.940
into all of the stuff that's co-ed.

1877
01:28:21.940 --> 01:28:23.540
So hope that makes sense.

1878
01:28:23.540 --> 01:28:28.580
I will say this, guys are not good at coming to live stuff unless they know the chicks

1879
01:28:28.580 --> 01:28:29.580
are on.

1880
01:28:29.580 --> 01:28:36.180
And Oh, let me say this now, by the way, come to every co-ed thing, camera ready for the

1881
01:28:36.180 --> 01:28:37.580
love of God.

1882
01:28:37.580 --> 01:28:44.140
I can't tell you on a Saturday supernatural prayer, how many times 90% of you have your

1883
01:28:44.140 --> 01:28:48.780
camera off or you look like you just woke up.

1884
01:28:48.780 --> 01:28:53.060
Now you might go, but Renee, it's the same six guys that show up.

1885
01:28:53.060 --> 01:28:56.100
Maybe those six guys know your guy.

1886
01:28:56.100 --> 01:29:01.540
So you want to make sure you look camera ready for anything that's co-ed, please for the

1887
01:29:01.540 --> 01:29:02.540
love of God.

1888
01:29:02.540 --> 01:29:06.020
I keep saying this and women keep not listening to me.

1889
01:29:06.020 --> 01:29:09.220
So be cute at your best all the time.

1890
01:29:09.220 --> 01:29:10.900
You can have been worked out.

1891
01:29:10.900 --> 01:29:12.740
Like sometimes like I've been to the gym too.

1892
01:29:12.740 --> 01:29:17.220
So like I put my hair up, but I have some cute earrings in and I put just a little bit

1893
01:29:17.220 --> 01:29:19.020
of mascara and lip gloss on.

1894
01:29:19.020 --> 01:29:22.340
So I don't look like I just came out of the gym.

1895
01:29:22.340 --> 01:29:25.220
How do I handle getting bored with text convo?

1896
01:29:25.220 --> 01:29:32.460
Oh, I just, you, if I'm bored with the conversation, sometimes I'll just say, Hey, I feel like this

1897
01:29:32.460 --> 01:29:34.900
isn't turning into like, I'm done texting.

1898
01:29:34.900 --> 01:29:38.220
Like just say, here's how I cut the texting conversation off.

1899
01:29:38.220 --> 01:29:39.220
You know what?

1900
01:29:39.220 --> 01:29:40.580
I hate texting.

1901
01:29:41.260 --> 01:29:46.300
And so I'm not sure if you want to move to a video date, but that's where a video conversation,

1902
01:29:46.300 --> 01:29:49.100
I don't say date, video conversation.

1903
01:29:49.100 --> 01:29:52.780
For me, that would be the next natural step.

1904
01:29:52.780 --> 01:29:56.940
I have found it's easier to break it off after a video date.

1905
01:29:56.940 --> 01:29:59.980
Now if he's not interested in moving past the texting, well, I'm not.

1906
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:01.920
really ready to text, well, then you know what,

1907
01:30:01.920 --> 01:30:04.080
I'm really done and I wish you the best.

1908
01:30:04.080 --> 01:30:07.080
So now sometimes if they're just annoying

1909
01:30:07.080 --> 01:30:09.440
and creepy and weird, I used to try to be polite

1910
01:30:09.440 --> 01:30:11.500
and close the loop all of the time,

1911
01:30:11.500 --> 01:30:13.720
but sometimes they're just weird and creepy

1912
01:30:13.720 --> 01:30:15.480
or they, like there's a couple of guys,

1913
01:30:15.480 --> 01:30:20.360
like it's been a week and I'm like, eh, I just close it.

1914
01:30:20.360 --> 01:30:22.600
So I used to try to close the loop,

1915
01:30:22.600 --> 01:30:25.980
but when you're just texting, if it's kind of going nowhere,

1916
01:30:25.980 --> 01:30:27.760
I might try to be plain and say like,

1917
01:30:27.760 --> 01:30:30.460
hey, I'm not really seeing this going anywhere.

1918
01:30:30.460 --> 01:30:32.460
So I wish you the, I go back to,

1919
01:30:32.460 --> 01:30:33.700
you seem like a really great guy,

1920
01:30:33.700 --> 01:30:35.580
I wish you the really best, Noel.

1921
01:30:40.140 --> 01:30:41.460
Sorry about that.

1922
01:30:41.460 --> 01:30:46.260
First of all, everything was so great

1923
01:30:46.260 --> 01:30:47.860
because I've done the long distance and all that.

1924
01:30:47.860 --> 01:30:49.460
So I really resonate with everything.

1925
01:30:49.460 --> 01:30:51.380
Plus I'm about a couple of years younger than me,

1926
01:30:51.380 --> 01:30:53.620
so I totally get it in single, never married.

1927
01:30:53.620 --> 01:30:56.940
But I wanted to ask, so last night,

1928
01:30:56.960 --> 01:30:59.160
I've been talking to two guys and they're in Pennsylvania,

1929
01:30:59.160 --> 01:31:00.160
which I'm a little hesitant

1930
01:31:00.160 --> 01:31:02.340
because I'm in Virginia Beach and they're long distance.

1931
01:31:02.340 --> 01:31:04.680
But one of the guys, they seem like strong Christians,

1932
01:31:04.680 --> 01:31:08.280
but one of them, I guess it was our first texting

1933
01:31:08.280 --> 01:31:11.800
back and forth on, and he just kind of threw up

1934
01:31:11.800 --> 01:31:16.720
a little bit about his ex-wife and all that.

1935
01:31:16.720 --> 01:31:18.240
So should I just shut it down?

1936
01:31:18.240 --> 01:31:20.880
But he's a worship leader, he's got his own business,

1937
01:31:20.880 --> 01:31:22.800
like he's very attractive.

1938
01:31:22.800 --> 01:31:25.360
Yeah, do not give them a pass on this.

1939
01:31:25.380 --> 01:31:26.460
They're all doing it.

1940
01:31:26.460 --> 01:31:28.020
They don't know any better.

1941
01:31:28.020 --> 01:31:32.340
So, and they think, and here's the thing,

1942
01:31:32.340 --> 01:31:34.740
they know women like to talk, right?

1943
01:31:34.740 --> 01:31:37.740
So no one's, they don't have a Jackie

1944
01:31:37.740 --> 01:31:40.000
telling them not to do that.

1945
01:31:40.000 --> 01:31:44.860
So I tried it, so here's what you can do is say,

1946
01:31:44.860 --> 01:31:47.660
I'm having so much fun talking to you,

1947
01:31:47.660 --> 01:31:50.180
but one of the things I'm learning in my community

1948
01:31:50.180 --> 01:31:53.500
that it's really not good for us to focus on our exes

1949
01:31:53.840 --> 01:31:56.280
in this early part of getting to know each other.

1950
01:31:56.280 --> 01:31:59.840
So can we both agree to kind of leave our exes

1951
01:31:59.840 --> 01:32:02.040
off limits for now?

1952
01:32:02.040 --> 01:32:03.840
Okay, awesome, thank you.

1953
01:32:03.840 --> 01:32:04.720
You bet.

1954
01:32:04.720 --> 01:32:05.560
Christina.

1955
01:32:11.280 --> 01:32:14.280
Hey, thanks so much for your time tonight, by the way.

1956
01:32:15.960 --> 01:32:16.880
Yeah, where's my question?

1957
01:32:16.880 --> 01:32:21.880
Okay, I have really, really relaxed

1958
01:32:21.940 --> 01:32:26.180
like my boundaries as far as guys that I'm willing to do.

1959
01:32:26.180 --> 01:32:27.700
I don't even call it a first date.

1960
01:32:27.700 --> 01:32:32.540
I call it a first meet just because I was one

1961
01:32:32.540 --> 01:32:36.020
of those people that had, okay, if you love Jesus

1962
01:32:36.020 --> 01:32:37.220
and all this all over their profile,

1963
01:32:37.220 --> 01:32:38.780
and I feel like I just scared people off.

1964
01:32:38.780 --> 01:32:39.620
So yeah, I'm like just suddenly-

1965
01:32:39.620 --> 01:32:42.780
No, girl, I'm sure I scared the first batch I dated too.

1966
01:32:42.780 --> 01:32:46.620
I mean, I showed up with my dossier and my notebook.

1967
01:32:46.620 --> 01:32:50.060
Yeah, like if you're on the worship team

1968
01:32:50.060 --> 01:32:51.340
and you're really involved in church,

1969
01:32:51.340 --> 01:32:52.480
anyway, all that.

1970
01:32:52.480 --> 01:32:53.360
So I don't do that anymore.

1971
01:32:53.360 --> 01:32:55.240
I just kind of like you, I just kind of roll in.

1972
01:32:55.240 --> 01:32:58.200
Yeah, I'm active at my church,

1973
01:32:58.200 --> 01:32:59.840
and I have Christian on the deal.

1974
01:33:01.360 --> 01:33:05.760
But like, is there a point where you like go too far

1975
01:33:05.760 --> 01:33:08.520
like dating just to date, like to check off

1976
01:33:08.520 --> 01:33:10.120
those seven boxes?

1977
01:33:10.120 --> 01:33:12.040
Isn't that using people?

1978
01:33:12.040 --> 01:33:14.920
Like, I went out with a guy last week

1979
01:33:14.920 --> 01:33:18.640
and I can pretty much tell he's not, he's spiritual.

1980
01:33:18.640 --> 01:33:19.860
Like he's got a good heart.

1981
01:33:19.860 --> 01:33:21.320
Like he's teachable,

1982
01:33:21.320 --> 01:33:25.520
but he's not really like a disciple of Christ.

1983
01:33:25.520 --> 01:33:27.280
I can see him being a really good friend.

1984
01:33:27.280 --> 01:33:28.960
Like, and we're actually meeting again tomorrow

1985
01:33:28.960 --> 01:33:30.680
for barbecue, but it's not,

1986
01:33:30.680 --> 01:33:32.680
it's not gonna go anywhere with this guy.

1987
01:33:32.680 --> 01:33:33.520
So-

1988
01:33:33.520 --> 01:33:35.000
It's not a hard and fast rule,

1989
01:33:35.000 --> 01:33:37.880
but Jackie would say if he's a good and decent man

1990
01:33:37.880 --> 01:33:39.680
and he checks off some of your boxes,

1991
01:33:39.680 --> 01:33:42.180
give him at least three dates as a chance.

1992
01:33:42.180 --> 01:33:43.520
Don't kill yourself.

1993
01:33:43.520 --> 01:33:44.400
Like some of the girls are like,

1994
01:33:44.400 --> 01:33:47.760
oh, but you're making me go on three dates with him.

1995
01:33:47.780 --> 01:33:52.660
No, if you're miserable, no, no one is making you do it.

1996
01:33:52.660 --> 01:33:55.220
But if you're having a nice time with him

1997
01:33:55.220 --> 01:33:57.780
and you're like, I think I'm ready to friend zone him.

1998
01:33:57.780 --> 01:34:00.220
She would say, give him three chances.

1999
01:34:00.220 --> 01:34:03.340
After the third chance, if it is clear he likes you,

2000
01:34:03.340 --> 01:34:05.940
but you don't like him, don't string him along.

2001
01:34:05.940 --> 01:34:06.840
Cause I don't know about you.

2002
01:34:06.840 --> 01:34:08.460
I wouldn't want to be strung along.

2003
01:34:08.460 --> 01:34:09.780
Yeah. Okay.

2004
01:34:09.780 --> 01:34:14.420
So if you're enjoying his company, give him three dates.

2005
01:34:14.420 --> 01:34:18.440
If after three dates, it is clear you don't like him,

2006
01:34:18.440 --> 01:34:20.360
but he's starting to like you,

2007
01:34:20.360 --> 01:34:22.400
you kind of need to be honest at that point.

2008
01:34:22.400 --> 01:34:23.520
Yeah. Okay.

2009
01:34:23.520 --> 01:34:26.600
There might be some guy you meet in this whole thing.

2010
01:34:26.600 --> 01:34:29.040
You're like, oh my gosh, he is so funny.

2011
01:34:29.040 --> 01:34:31.240
Like I want him to be my friend.

2012
01:34:31.240 --> 01:34:34.000
Then he gets to be your friend if you both feel the same.

2013
01:34:34.000 --> 01:34:35.680
But you guys, but you're going to have to ask,

2014
01:34:35.680 --> 01:34:37.640
you're going to have to have that conversation.

2015
01:34:37.640 --> 01:34:41.100
You're going to have to say, Tim, you seem amazing.

2016
01:34:41.100 --> 01:34:43.240
And I don't have enough guy friends in my life.

2017
01:34:43.500 --> 01:34:45.140
I really don't. I don't.

2018
01:34:45.140 --> 01:34:48.100
You can say, but if that is completely insulting to you,

2019
01:34:48.100 --> 01:34:50.500
or you're still hoping for it to be more,

2020
01:34:50.500 --> 01:34:52.220
I don't want to confuse you.

2021
01:34:52.220 --> 01:34:54.300
So you let him choose.

2022
01:34:54.300 --> 01:34:55.500
Okay. Yeah.

2023
01:34:55.500 --> 01:34:57.460
Cause I mean, we got along on Lord of the Rings

2024
01:34:57.460 --> 01:35:00.220
and we went and played a card game after we had brunch.

2025
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.540
We had a great time, so I mean, and I would say those moments.

2026
01:35:03.540 --> 01:35:06.220
You guys, this is all about community matchmaking.

2027
01:35:06.220 --> 01:35:10.320
If you see good guys that maybe need a little makeover, they need a little

2028
01:35:10.320 --> 01:35:13.840
heartwork, say, you know what, I'm in a great dating community.

2029
01:35:13.840 --> 01:35:15.560
That's helped me so much.

2030
01:35:15.800 --> 01:35:18.600
There's a male version of it called 1822.

2031
01:35:18.600 --> 01:35:20.520
You just go to Jackie Dorman.com.

2032
01:35:20.520 --> 01:35:23.920
There's a link for the guys and it's a free Facebook page.

2033
01:35:23.920 --> 01:35:27.780
They can at least start in the, you know, how we started with the free challenge.

2034
01:35:28.140 --> 01:35:31.860
The guys get to stay in it a little bit longer for free, just cause it's guys.

2035
01:35:31.860 --> 01:35:34.860
And we want to try to keep them in, um, before they actually

2036
01:35:34.860 --> 01:35:36.220
have to join the program.

2037
01:35:36.220 --> 01:35:39.500
So if there's good guys out there, that's just not your guy.

2038
01:35:39.820 --> 01:35:43.660
He might be one of your sisters here, guy, or just send him to the community.

2039
01:35:44.060 --> 01:35:47.040
Um, and one last question, what is 1822?

2040
01:35:47.040 --> 01:35:50.060
Is that referred to a Bible verse or is that some kind of, it

2041
01:35:50.060 --> 01:35:53.500
pre it, um, refers to Proverbs 1822.

2042
01:35:53.500 --> 01:35:57.740
When a man finds a good wife, he finds a good thing.

2043
01:35:58.380 --> 01:35:58.740
Got it.

2044
01:35:58.780 --> 01:35:59.700
Thank you so much.

2045
01:35:59.900 --> 01:36:00.580
You bet.

2046
01:36:00.780 --> 01:36:05.700
Uh, Candace, am I saying your name?

2047
01:36:05.700 --> 01:36:06.100
Right?

2048
01:36:06.940 --> 01:36:08.060
Yes, you are very good.

2049
01:36:08.980 --> 01:36:16.660
Um, so a couple of my questions were, um, so I do not like to give out my phone

2050
01:36:16.660 --> 01:36:18.380
number, I have a Google phone number.

2051
01:36:18.380 --> 01:36:21.060
I, I still don't even like to give that out typically.

2052
01:36:21.500 --> 01:36:24.700
Um, I've just had really bad experiences.

2053
01:36:24.700 --> 01:36:29.580
So I just be on Facebook messenger typically.

2054
01:36:29.780 --> 01:36:33.780
Um, but, uh, but I'm willing to give it out.

2055
01:36:33.780 --> 01:36:40.860
But the ironic part is, is that my, when I call out my numbers, so it's the thing

2056
01:36:41.780 --> 01:36:49.420
it's, uh, it's how it's set up, but, um, my next thing was how about doing voice

2057
01:36:49.420 --> 01:36:54.020
recordings, because I've had people do voice recordings with me and go back and

2058
01:36:54.060 --> 01:36:57.100
forth, like Marco Polo or Voxer.

2059
01:36:58.020 --> 01:37:01.660
Um, no, like through Facebook messenger.

2060
01:37:02.420 --> 01:37:03.780
You can't wait.

2061
01:37:03.940 --> 01:37:04.420
I'm sorry.

2062
01:37:04.420 --> 01:37:05.380
That's not dating.

2063
01:37:05.700 --> 01:37:08.060
Like to me, that's just verbal texting.

2064
01:37:08.780 --> 01:37:09.060
Okay.

2065
01:37:09.100 --> 01:37:10.020
That's what I'm saying.

2066
01:37:11.380 --> 01:37:14.500
To me, a audio is just verbal texting.

2067
01:37:14.580 --> 01:37:18.780
It's still not having a face to face video to video conversation.

2068
01:37:19.220 --> 01:37:22.700
The reason why I don't like that is because he's not yet making time for you

2069
01:37:22.700 --> 01:37:22.940
guys.

2070
01:37:22.940 --> 01:37:24.540
Aren't making time for each other.

2071
01:37:24.780 --> 01:37:28.300
You're like ships passing in the night and that's not dating.

2072
01:37:28.420 --> 01:37:29.340
Like, do you know what I'm saying?

2073
01:37:29.340 --> 01:37:32.020
So yes, I mean, like I love Marco Polo.

2074
01:37:32.020 --> 01:37:33.660
Like there's a couple of girls in this community.

2075
01:37:33.660 --> 01:37:34.980
We're on different time zones.

2076
01:37:35.260 --> 01:37:37.900
So we Marco Polo each other all the time.

2077
01:37:38.260 --> 01:37:43.540
And, but we've also built a relationship with them, so I'm okay with you sending

2078
01:37:43.540 --> 01:37:46.860
audio, but I wouldn't treat it as anything more than just, all right, I'm going to

2079
01:37:46.860 --> 01:37:52.420
take these last three, Nicole, Christie, and Lynn, and then otherwise Jack is

2080
01:37:52.420 --> 01:37:53.500
going to kick my butt.

2081
01:37:53.540 --> 01:37:55.260
So I don't want to keep you on too long.

2082
01:37:55.300 --> 01:37:55.740
Nicole.

2083
01:37:57.180 --> 01:37:57.500
Hi.

2084
01:37:57.780 --> 01:38:03.140
Um, so this is my first kind of go about, um, with online dating and I'm finding

2085
01:38:03.180 --> 01:38:07.540
I'll get a lot of, I did like Facebook and hinge a lot of like, hi, Nicole.

2086
01:38:08.140 --> 01:38:09.660
And so I'll say, hi, how are you?

2087
01:38:09.660 --> 01:38:10.660
How's your day going?

2088
01:38:10.980 --> 01:38:12.540
And there's not a lot of questions.

2089
01:38:13.420 --> 01:38:17.980
I've got probably like 20 conversations and none of these men want to ask any

2090
01:38:17.980 --> 01:38:18.660
questions.

2091
01:38:19.020 --> 01:38:20.300
They don't want to get to know me.

2092
01:38:21.180 --> 01:38:23.220
Like, so what is the point?

2093
01:38:24.460 --> 01:38:25.500
Bless their hearts.

2094
01:38:25.500 --> 01:38:26.620
So frustrating.

2095
01:38:26.660 --> 01:38:30.740
I'm like trying, asking them questions and they're not reciprocating.

2096
01:38:31.020 --> 01:38:31.300
Yeah.

2097
01:38:31.300 --> 01:38:35.620
And so all I can tell you is you're going to get those and I just delete them and

2098
01:38:35.620 --> 01:38:36.060
move on.

2099
01:38:36.100 --> 01:38:40.940
I just, so usually what I'll say is, Hey, I can't tell if you actually want to get

2100
01:38:40.980 --> 01:38:43.860
to know me because you're not asking me any questions.

2101
01:38:44.420 --> 01:38:47.500
If you're still interested, please ask me some questions.

2102
01:38:47.500 --> 01:38:49.020
If not, it's totally okay.

2103
01:38:49.020 --> 01:38:50.260
I wish you the very best.

2104
01:38:50.620 --> 01:38:54.180
Sometimes they'll swing back around and go, Oh, okay.

2105
01:38:54.180 --> 01:38:55.420
I got to do something here.

2106
01:38:55.420 --> 01:38:59.300
I've got to ask her some more and they might, and they might, and it still might

2107
01:38:59.300 --> 01:39:01.780
suck and just say, you know, and then end it.

2108
01:39:01.780 --> 01:39:04.620
So I will just say, you're just getting back out there.

2109
01:39:04.660 --> 01:39:05.820
You're going to see it.

2110
01:39:06.300 --> 01:39:10.660
And I promise you, you will start finding and getting matched with men that will

2111
01:39:10.660 --> 01:39:11.380
talk to you.

2112
01:39:11.620 --> 01:39:13.820
So just move on.

2113
01:39:13.820 --> 01:39:14.500
Give them a chance.

2114
01:39:14.500 --> 01:39:17.060
Like, Hey, I can't tell again.

2115
01:39:17.060 --> 01:39:18.100
It's always about being direct.

2116
01:39:18.100 --> 01:39:21.460
I can't tell if you actually want to get to know me because you're not asking me

2117
01:39:21.460 --> 01:39:22.260
any questions.

2118
01:39:22.260 --> 01:39:23.500
Did you want to get to know me?

2119
01:39:24.260 --> 01:39:27.140
And if they don't respond, then you know, or if they're like, I don't know what to

2120
01:39:27.140 --> 01:39:29.260
ask you, then he's not my guy.

2121
01:39:29.260 --> 01:39:32.100
If he can't come up with any questions now, I'm sorry.

2122
01:39:32.100 --> 01:39:33.380
I'm not teaching you to date.

2123
01:39:33.940 --> 01:39:34.140
Okay.

2124
01:39:34.340 --> 01:39:37.100
And then I had one guy that like we moved to text.

2125
01:39:37.540 --> 01:39:40.780
Um, he was traveling and then he was like, we'll be in touch soon.

2126
01:39:40.900 --> 01:39:41.620
And then that was it.

2127
01:39:41.820 --> 01:39:44.300
Like nothing, just let it go.

2128
01:39:44.620 --> 01:39:44.940
Yeah.

2129
01:39:44.980 --> 01:39:45.780
Let it go, girl.

2130
01:39:45.940 --> 01:39:50.340
Now here's like, I might let it sit in my queue for a couple of weeks, but like

2131
01:39:50.340 --> 01:39:53.900
there's a guy that was supposedly talking to me on Friday and it's now what Monday

2132
01:39:53.900 --> 01:39:54.260
night.

2133
01:39:54.300 --> 01:39:55.300
Haven't I heard from him?

2134
01:39:56.500 --> 01:40:00.060
Just, I, I promise you, you're just starting.

2135
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.400
I promise you, you will find guys who will talk to you.

2136
01:40:03.400 --> 01:40:06.040
Now, Nicole, your perfect example of the light

2137
01:40:06.040 --> 01:40:07.080
is behind you and I can't see you.

2138
01:40:07.080 --> 01:40:09.060
I know, my computer was dying,

2139
01:40:09.060 --> 01:40:09.900
I had better light downstairs.

2140
01:40:09.900 --> 01:40:11.240
I'm just letting you know,

2141
01:40:11.240 --> 01:40:13.260
so just make sure you don't do what you're doing right now

2142
01:40:13.260 --> 01:40:14.100
and you're doing it.

2143
01:40:14.100 --> 01:40:16.920
I will, I will actually put more effort into it.

2144
01:40:16.920 --> 01:40:19.320
No, no, no, no, it's just me, you don't need to.

2145
01:40:19.320 --> 01:40:21.360
But I'm being your gal here and I'm hooking you up.

2146
01:40:21.360 --> 01:40:23.120
Thank you, I appreciate it.

2147
01:40:23.120 --> 01:40:24.080
And by the way, you guys,

2148
01:40:24.080 --> 01:40:26.080
after Christine, Lynn, and I close up,

2149
01:40:26.080 --> 01:40:28.460
if you guys put questions in,

2150
01:40:28.460 --> 01:40:31.300
I've already been starting to answer dating online

2151
01:40:31.300 --> 01:40:33.060
and dating questions in there.

2152
01:40:33.060 --> 01:40:34.060
Some of the questions,

2153
01:40:34.060 --> 01:40:37.220
Bethany and I will say that's better for Jackie,

2154
01:40:37.220 --> 01:40:39.520
but if it's like these kind of little minutiae questions,

2155
01:40:39.520 --> 01:40:42.420
I just try to answer them right in your page for you.

2156
01:40:42.420 --> 01:40:43.260
Christine.

2157
01:40:45.700 --> 01:40:47.380
Hey Renee, hey everybody.

2158
01:40:47.380 --> 01:40:49.240
So two quick things.

2159
01:40:49.240 --> 01:40:53.660
One, I did go on my first face-to-face coffee date

2160
01:40:53.660 --> 01:40:57.880
and I was proud of myself because I was bold.

2161
01:40:57.920 --> 01:41:02.080
We actually only talked through the app and I met him.

2162
01:41:02.080 --> 01:41:03.600
He was local.

2163
01:41:03.600 --> 01:41:07.520
And honestly, I got a little anxious before

2164
01:41:07.520 --> 01:41:10.160
and was kind of even thinking, I hope he cancels,

2165
01:41:10.160 --> 01:41:12.760
but then I pushed through it, I prayed about it.

2166
01:41:12.760 --> 01:41:14.480
He was really nice.

2167
01:41:14.480 --> 01:41:17.680
I don't necessarily think he's a guy for me,

2168
01:41:17.680 --> 01:41:20.600
but I'm gonna go on a second date.

2169
01:41:20.600 --> 01:41:22.780
So I was excited about that.

2170
01:41:22.780 --> 01:41:24.240
But my question is like,

2171
01:41:24.240 --> 01:41:26.900
when you are on that quick first date,

2172
01:41:26.900 --> 01:41:31.900
how do you, as I was trying to politely end the date

2173
01:41:33.860 --> 01:41:36.920
and leave like after about 45 minutes,

2174
01:41:38.020 --> 01:41:39.380
it felt a little awkward.

2175
01:41:39.380 --> 01:41:40.900
So how do you politely,

2176
01:41:40.900 --> 01:41:42.740
cause I didn't want to be there too long

2177
01:41:42.740 --> 01:41:44.020
cause I thought, well,

2178
01:41:44.020 --> 01:41:46.860
maybe you want something else to talk about.

2179
01:41:46.860 --> 01:41:48.540
Yeah, so here's two things.

2180
01:41:48.540 --> 01:41:51.140
First, whenever I try to book that first date,

2181
01:41:51.140 --> 01:41:52.940
I always book end it.

2182
01:41:52.940 --> 01:41:54.260
I always tell him like,

2183
01:41:54.300 --> 01:41:57.060
hey, so if we're meeting at five o'clock,

2184
01:41:57.060 --> 01:41:58.220
oh, I'm so excited to meet with you.

2185
01:41:58.220 --> 01:41:59.260
Just so you know,

2186
01:41:59.260 --> 01:42:01.300
I've already got to do something at seven o'clock

2187
01:42:01.300 --> 01:42:03.460
with my mom or seven o'clock with my girlfriend.

2188
01:42:03.460 --> 01:42:05.420
I already agreed to help her do something.

2189
01:42:05.420 --> 01:42:07.020
I'm just making that up

2190
01:42:07.020 --> 01:42:09.260
because that's gonna give me an exit.

2191
01:42:09.260 --> 01:42:10.880
So like, oh my gosh, you know what?

2192
01:42:10.880 --> 01:42:12.780
It was so fun getting to talk to you.

2193
01:42:13.740 --> 01:42:15.820
I gotta go cause I already told you I was gonna go.

2194
01:42:15.820 --> 01:42:18.500
So I do try to book in my first video date

2195
01:42:18.500 --> 01:42:22.380
and my first date date in case it's not going well.

2196
01:42:22.380 --> 01:42:24.380
And I need an exit.

2197
01:42:24.380 --> 01:42:27.020
Even if it's like 45 minutes into the day

2198
01:42:27.020 --> 01:42:29.940
and you're like, I can't last one more second.

2199
01:42:29.940 --> 01:42:31.940
Just say, oh my gosh, Tom,

2200
01:42:31.940 --> 01:42:34.340
it's been so fun getting to know you.

2201
01:42:35.220 --> 01:42:37.940
I really have to get going, but thank you so much.

2202
01:42:37.940 --> 01:42:40.180
And then you just get up.

2203
01:42:40.180 --> 01:42:42.300
Okay, get off the blaze.

2204
01:42:42.300 --> 01:42:45.300
Rip the Band-Aid nicely.

2205
01:42:45.300 --> 01:42:46.660
Rachel, on your iPad,

2206
01:42:46.660 --> 01:42:48.620
you asked me a question about being overwhelmed.

2207
01:42:48.620 --> 01:42:49.820
I don't know if you got on late,

2208
01:42:49.820 --> 01:42:53.780
but I talk exactly about how to not get overwhelmed

2209
01:42:53.780 --> 01:42:55.060
with the matches.

2210
01:42:55.060 --> 01:42:56.580
So if you came on late,

2211
01:42:56.580 --> 01:42:58.500
go ahead back to the beginning of the video.

2212
01:42:58.500 --> 01:42:59.580
And I talk about that.

2213
01:42:59.580 --> 01:43:02.320
Lynn, you are our last caller for the night.

2214
01:43:04.660 --> 01:43:05.500
Okay.

2215
01:43:07.820 --> 01:43:09.660
I put this in the chat,

2216
01:43:09.660 --> 01:43:12.460
but I was curious about the 18-22

2217
01:43:12.460 --> 01:43:16.740
and the Super Bowl Saturdays and the Sunday nights.

2218
01:43:16.740 --> 01:43:19.260
So if a guy on there sees one of us

2219
01:43:19.700 --> 01:43:22.340
and is interested, what does he do about it?

2220
01:43:22.340 --> 01:43:23.740
Oh, it depends.

2221
01:43:23.740 --> 01:43:24.780
I mean, I will say this.

2222
01:43:24.780 --> 01:43:25.820
Some of the members-

2223
01:43:25.820 --> 01:43:27.980
I mean, is there a procedure that's-

2224
01:43:27.980 --> 01:43:32.180
No, here's the procedure for single nation and 18-22.

2225
01:43:32.180 --> 01:43:35.740
You go find them, you go DM them or they DM you.

2226
01:43:35.740 --> 01:43:36.580
That's it.

2227
01:43:36.580 --> 01:43:37.740
There's no formal-

2228
01:43:37.740 --> 01:43:39.620
They DM on Facebook, you mean?

2229
01:43:39.620 --> 01:43:41.140
They DM you on Facebook?

2230
01:43:41.140 --> 01:43:43.980
Okay, if he's in our community in 18-22,

2231
01:43:43.980 --> 01:43:45.540
it means he's on Facebook

2232
01:43:45.540 --> 01:43:47.780
because that's where all our communication's through.

2233
01:43:47.780 --> 01:43:51.940
So you can go find him on Facebook and private message him.

2234
01:43:51.940 --> 01:43:54.340
Or he's gonna go find you on Facebook

2235
01:43:54.340 --> 01:43:55.780
and private message you.

2236
01:43:55.780 --> 01:43:59.940
Now, remember with Facebook, with private messaging,

2237
01:43:59.940 --> 01:44:02.540
if you guys are not Facebook friends,

2238
01:44:02.540 --> 01:44:06.100
you have to go to the section that says message request.

2239
01:44:06.100 --> 01:44:09.220
It's not gonna show up in your regular feed.

2240
01:44:09.220 --> 01:44:11.580
So you have to remember to do that.

2241
01:44:11.580 --> 01:44:15.420
Single nation, if he's being spotlighted on single nation,

2242
01:44:15.420 --> 01:44:19.820
usually his Instagram handle is being highlighted

2243
01:44:19.820 --> 01:44:24.340
and you also go in and message him in a DM.

2244
01:44:24.340 --> 01:44:26.100
Now, I will say this, you guys,

2245
01:44:26.100 --> 01:44:29.340
the guys are not great at returning messages

2246
01:44:29.340 --> 01:44:31.740
and they complain the same thing about the women.

2247
01:44:31.740 --> 01:44:34.140
Like, oh my gosh, she didn't even say anything.

2248
01:44:34.140 --> 01:44:36.860
She didn't even let me know that she got my message.

2249
01:44:36.860 --> 01:44:38.100
Women do it too.

2250
01:44:38.100 --> 01:44:40.100
People don't know what to do sometimes

2251
01:44:40.100 --> 01:44:42.020
and they don't wanna respond.

2252
01:44:42.020 --> 01:44:45.540
So it goes on Facebook DM or Instagram?

2253
01:44:45.540 --> 01:44:48.820
If it's 1822, it means he's on Facebook.

2254
01:44:48.820 --> 01:44:50.660
So I would start there.

2255
01:44:50.660 --> 01:44:54.900
If you see him on single nation, he may only be on Instagram.

2256
01:44:54.900 --> 01:44:56.900
So you've got to message him there,

2257
01:44:56.900 --> 01:44:59.580
but just prepare that he may not respond.

2258
01:44:59.580 --> 01:45:00.420
That's all.

2259
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.360
I'm gonna say is they all don't respond

2260
01:45:02.360 --> 01:45:04.600
just like all the women don't respond.

2261
01:45:04.600 --> 01:45:07.560
So that's how you drop the hanky in our community.

2262
01:45:07.560 --> 01:45:09.240
But that was a great question.

2263
01:45:09.240 --> 01:45:12.640
All right, you guys, who, yeah.

2264
01:45:14.080 --> 01:45:19.080
I keep having single nation guys try to friend request me

2265
01:45:20.140 --> 01:45:22.040
and I'm not taking friend requests.

2266
01:45:22.040 --> 01:45:24.480
Can you like in your next dating thing,

2267
01:45:24.480 --> 01:45:26.640
like, can you encourage them?

2268
01:45:26.640 --> 01:45:28.280
No, because you know what, Candice,

2269
01:45:28.280 --> 01:45:30.280
that's very personal for you.

2270
01:45:30.280 --> 01:45:32.440
There's a lot of people in this community

2271
01:45:32.440 --> 01:45:33.880
that like getting friends

2272
01:45:33.880 --> 01:45:36.400
because they believe in community matchmaking.

2273
01:45:36.400 --> 01:45:39.760
And so they're fine becoming friends with a lot of people.

2274
01:45:39.760 --> 01:45:42.960
So that's your boundary.

2275
01:45:42.960 --> 01:45:45.200
And I get that that's yours,

2276
01:45:45.200 --> 01:45:47.240
but there's a lot of people in this community

2277
01:45:47.240 --> 01:45:49.320
that like to become friends.

2278
01:45:49.320 --> 01:45:50.160
You know what I'm saying?

2279
01:45:50.160 --> 01:45:51.980
Like, I get that that's where you stand with it.

2280
01:45:51.980 --> 01:45:53.620
So just ignore those requests.

2281
01:45:53.620 --> 01:45:55.240
Just delete those requests.

2282
01:45:55.240 --> 01:45:58.060
Just know, now again, single nation

2283
01:45:58.060 --> 01:46:01.200
isn't necessarily people in our community, right?

2284
01:46:01.200 --> 01:46:05.480
These are just men that Jackie's done a discovery call with.

2285
01:46:05.480 --> 01:46:06.960
He is like the wild west.

2286
01:46:06.960 --> 01:46:10.440
So treat them like you would anybody else on Instagram.

2287
01:46:10.440 --> 01:46:15.440
So don't feel like these are like loved on godly men.

2288
01:46:15.920 --> 01:46:17.460
It's just treat them.

2289
01:46:17.460 --> 01:46:19.840
Anybody that reaches out to you from single nation,

2290
01:46:19.840 --> 01:46:22.360
treat just like you would anybody else online.

2291
01:46:23.360 --> 01:46:26.240
The only thing we know is that he's a real guy

2292
01:46:26.240 --> 01:46:27.980
and she's done a discovery call

2293
01:46:27.980 --> 01:46:30.480
to make sure he seems like a good guy,

2294
01:46:30.480 --> 01:46:32.600
but it's not the same thing as being

2295
01:46:32.600 --> 01:46:36.080
in our selected community doing hard work.

2296
01:46:36.080 --> 01:46:37.960
So, all right, you guys, I'm gonna pray this out.

2297
01:46:37.960 --> 01:46:40.260
Father God, thank you so much for being with us tonight.

2298
01:46:40.260 --> 01:46:42.340
Hopefully you're with us in all of this.

2299
01:46:42.340 --> 01:46:45.760
I ask that you put a hedge of protection on each woman here.

2300
01:46:45.760 --> 01:46:48.000
Father God, give her the space and grace

2301
01:46:48.000 --> 01:46:50.040
to be in this dating season.

2302
01:46:50.080 --> 01:46:54.120
Give her a special measure of wisdom and discernment

2303
01:46:54.120 --> 01:46:56.280
so she knows who to be talking to,

2304
01:46:56.280 --> 01:46:57.440
who not to be talking to.

2305
01:46:57.440 --> 01:47:01.000
Father God, an extra covering of that duck's back

2306
01:47:01.000 --> 01:47:04.360
that I talked about where she just won't take anything

2307
01:47:04.360 --> 01:47:06.200
personally that she won't be offended

2308
01:47:06.200 --> 01:47:08.520
if somebody doesn't talk to her

2309
01:47:08.520 --> 01:47:09.840
or just kind of ends it suddenly.

2310
01:47:09.840 --> 01:47:12.040
Because Father God, we know that every no

2311
01:47:12.040 --> 01:47:14.320
is getting her closer to her yes.

2312
01:47:14.320 --> 01:47:16.280
So we ask that you just prepare her heart,

2313
01:47:16.280 --> 01:47:19.640
her mind, her soul, her body, all of the things.

2314
01:47:20.240 --> 01:47:21.560
And we thank you right now in the name of Jesus

2315
01:47:21.560 --> 01:47:23.560
for the person you have been preparing

2316
01:47:23.560 --> 01:47:26.920
for each and every single one of us in Jesus' name, amen.

2317
01:47:26.920 --> 01:47:29.280
All right, you guys, go forth.

2318
01:47:29.280 --> 01:47:32.920
I will be on the page answering any questions if you need it.