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Good evening, everybody. I'm just going to let it go just one little bit more moment for some waiting for the top of the hour. Good to have you here.

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Okay, let's go ahead and get started I want to honor everybody showing up on time so I'm just going to open this up real quick and prayer Father God we just thank you that we can come together as sisters to partner together to walk beside each

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other.

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As we go through this season in our life and so Father God may you bless our time together.

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And may our conversation, be fruitful and a blessing to each other. In Jesus name. Amen. Okay, so what I like to do. I'm Renee, by the way, I can't remember if I've seen you all in the last week or two.

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I also lead prayer and Monday mornings and so if you come to prayer.

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Then you will. Let's see that you will know thank you that you will know.

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You will know the sound of my voice I just I'm just reading a note that Bethany left okay so if you're watching from Facebook, make sure you can hop over to the link and come into the zoom and join us there.

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It'll be fun, because the only way I'm going to be able to answer your questions if you have them is for you to come on into the zoom room so come on in, and it's a great party.

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So I was reflecting back on some of the comments that you all have made, and Bethany and I kind of jotted down some notes but I always like asking this at the front of the session because we always like to gear it towards the people that are actually

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showing up for this conversation.

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So, raise your hand. If it's your avatar hand that's fine too.

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If you have and you're going to probably start lowering your hands as if you've not gotten to it so I like to kind of gauge where everybody is in this process, you at least watch the opening orientation video from Jackie.

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I know some of you are cutting and running and not finishing that dang video, and you're like, I just want to get right to the teaching and why why why she's just doing orientation.

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But then some of the very questions you're asking in the chat, if you just watch the orientation video the whole way through, you'd get some of those answers, so I'm going to encourage you if you've not watched the orientation video, all the way through.

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Please do so. Jackie always has nuggets, things that she says that's not in the script and it's always good information.

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Okay, how many of you have watched, I'm going to try to go in the order that you would have been released them. How many of you watched her video on dating 101.

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Raise your hand if you've seen the dating 101 video. Okay, awesome.

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Great. You can take your hands down. In fact, I will help lower the hands and raise your hand if you've watched the divine feminine video.

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Okay, just a couple of you there.

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How many of you have watched the online dating video that I did.

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Okay.

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How many of you have watched the boundaries video, the very last one.

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Okay, just a couple of you. All right, that's really helpful. So I'm going to try to pick up a couple themes that I want you to think about I did see somebody have a question like, I heard, where did this whole dating challenge Jackie in phase two always gives you guys a dating

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challenge depending on where it lands in the year. She might say you have to get seven dates or you have to get four dates so it's the top of the year.

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My suspicion is she has challenged you to get seven dates by Easter, it could be sooner. I don't know.

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But you guys, it's not an exact sign so don't freak out people like oh my gosh I can't get I haven't gotten seven dates in the last 10 years you want me to get them in the next two months like just chill.

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The whole point of that is to just get you out of your comfort seat and just start to be willing to have a conversation with people and start talking to people that you wouldn't otherwise be talking to.

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So, when you hear this dating challenge, please do not freak out it's really just to kind of get you out there and kind of like, just try a little bit harder.

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And it's all good, no matter where you land in this challenge. It could be seven video dates with the same guy, it could be live in person dates, it really doesn't, it doesn't matter, but that's the whole point is that you're just getting out there and you're

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just trying, that's the most important thing.

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So that's super important. The second thing I wanted to say is when you guys are giving updates in the chat. If some of y'all really long winded that you're right and more in peace.

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Okay, so here's.

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Remember how on our prayer calls we say be be brief and powerful. You may want to do that. Here's why because if they're super super long. Now Bethany is going to read every single word of it she's not going to miss your message.

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Do you want feedback from the rest of the community.

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Chances are, if it gets super long,

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people are gonna start skimming your response

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and they're gonna give feedback based on a skim,

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which is not the same as if they read it word for word

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because sometimes they give you advice

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and you're like, well, no.

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And I'm like, oh crap, I didn't finish reading it.

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So just kind of be thoughtful about it.

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If you haven't been giving updates in a while,

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give like a couple updates,

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just space them out a little bit.

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So don't try to give three weeks of an update in one post.

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Like that's just too much.

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It's too much for you because the problem is if you,

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not just the length,

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but your mind is gonna be in a bunch of different directions.

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So it's okay if you put out four posts like in one week,

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if you're behind from the week before.

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So make sure that you're like kind of really clear

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about what you want an update on.

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The other thing I wanna encourage you

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as I've read some of the updates

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is you guys don't be afraid.

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You have just gone through this heart work program.

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You have been touched by heaven to be protected

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and God defended in this season.

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I am not telling you

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you're not gonna meet some ding dongs, you will.

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I'm not saying that you're never gonna get a scammer

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try to reach out to you, you will.

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But you're gonna have the tools now to like joke,

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make fun of it, y'all.

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Just today, some really hot guy,

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way out of my league hot guy, like just messaged me.

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And I can tell in the opening sentence,

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it was probably not legit.

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But I thought, I'm gonna play with this.

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And I'm like, oh, Colton, you sound so amazing.

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I just wanted to let you know,

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I'm a gal that's gonna wanna quickly move to video dates

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and in-person dates.

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I really have no time to do long drawn out

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texting conversations or phone calls.

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If that's something you're still interested in,

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I'd be happy to talk to you.

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You seem fabulous.

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Whew, gone.

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And I couldn't just deleted him,

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but I was kind of like, but it's just this idea,

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like it kind of makes me feel empowered

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that I can have some fun in this.

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And so right away, I see people go like,

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oh my gosh, there's a scammer.

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Like, oh my gosh, is he real?

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Like, oh my gosh, is he a bad guy?

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You know, we don't know you guys.

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Sometimes they're just silly boys.

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Sometimes they don't know how to have an opening line.

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Sometimes they, sometimes you're gonna be talking to a guy

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that was married for 20 years.

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So the last time he dated, we had flip phones.

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We didn't even have smartphones,

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let alone dating apps and swiping.

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So he may be way out of his game.

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Like one of the sweetest guys that I dated,

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he wasn't my guy, but he was so sweet.

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His opening line really was the dorkiest opening line

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and it could have been a scammer opening line.

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And so I'm so glad I gave him the chance

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because he was a really great guy.

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I recommended this program to him,

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and it was just, he just wasn't my guy.

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And so don't like feel like you have to investigate

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and figure out his whole MO in the first opening text.

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I want you to just be like, I've got the tools.

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I know what I'm doing.

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I'm just discovery dating.

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So if you've not seen Dating 101,

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and that's the biggest thing I want you to pay attention to

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as you're starting this kind of opening up your dating,

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Jackie talks about the levels of dating.

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Dating, like level one is all of us.

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We're like chitchat and we're hanging out.

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You could be in discovery, like one,

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level one with everybody in your community,

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your church, your yoga class, whatever.

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Level two simply means you're gonna spend

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one-on-one time with somebody.

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So like, let's see who looks really like,

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you know, Kimberly Smith, you look really cool.

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Like I might wanna have coffee.

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See, you just smiled at me.

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I might wanna have coffee with you.

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I might have met you at church.

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And I'm like, gosh, I wanna hang out with this girl.

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I wanna learn a little bit more about her.

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And if I ask you out for coffee as a girlfriend,

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I'm not thinking anything of it.

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I haven't decided if you're my posse yet.

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I haven't decided if I need to tell you

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all of my deep, dark secrets.

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No, I'm just there to get to know you.

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So that's what I want you guys to think about

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in this discovery dating phase,

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because some of us kind of grew up in the era

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where you meet a guy at work or at the gym.

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So you kind of get to know him

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before you have the first date.

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So the first date can have a lot of romance around it

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because you've already known that person.

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But in this dating challenge, in this season,

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you're gonna be getting set up by friends, family.

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You're gonna go to singles groups.

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You're gonna go to Bass Pro Shop.

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You're gonna go to the golfing range.

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You're gonna go to a meetup club.

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You're gonna start to meet strangers.

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So you can't decide if it's gonna be a romantic date

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on the first date.

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So just let that worry go.

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Just let it go.

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Treat those first video dates and those first dates

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like you would a girlfriend.

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Now, you guys, unless you're in a 12-step,

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meaning you don't vomit in your life story

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to even a girl when you first...

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Now, my mom, she vomited.

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that's her life story to the cashier at the grocery store.

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And I'm always like, oh my gosh, mom,

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she like this person does not want to know your life story.

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So we already know that that's like oversharing, right?

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We've seen what happens when we overshare with women,

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with the checkout person.

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We don't want to overshare

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in our first text conversations with a guy,

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our first video dates with a guy.

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So that's why we want you to watch all of those videos.

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If you are freaked out and burnt out on online dating

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and you're like, you're feeling begrudged to do it,

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do not do it till you get to that video.

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No one hated online dating more than moi.

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So it is funny, God's funny, funny, funny sense of humor

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that Jackie's like, I think you need to teach

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the online dating.

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And I'm like, what?

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I mean, I was online dating

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before people were really talking about doing it.

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And so I used to date online horribly.

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But once I went through this program,

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I probably, I don't know, but on a hundred dates,

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I mean, I don't know.

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It just, you guys,

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cause I've given so many people a chance.

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I dated outside the age range I normally would,

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the weight I normally would, the career I normally would,

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the race I normally would, just to meet people.

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And I went into each of these dates with A,

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I'm like, how can I bless this person?

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How can I practice my dating skills?

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How can I practice how to flirt with a guy

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that I'm not attracted to?

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Haven't you ever noticed how easy it is to flirt

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with somebody that you're not attracted to?

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So like practice your dating game on a guy that's just okay.

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So like be willing.

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And so how I get to all those dates,

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Renee, how did you get all those dates?

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Because I did not text for very long.

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So if you are texting a guy for three weeks,

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my dog, stop it.

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If you are texting a guy for three weeks,

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you're texting too long.

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The only time I'm texting that long

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is if I'm out of town and he's out of town

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and we physically can't meet.

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But even then I will text maybe a week.

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And then I'll say, and if he doesn't say it first,

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I'll say, hey, you know what?

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I'm really here to kind of meet people in real life.

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So I would love to kind of move it along to a video chat

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or that's a great question.

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It's just not an appropriate question for text.

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I really think it's important to hear tone and inflection

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and see body language.

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So I'd love to have that conversation on video chat.

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If they're not willing to go to a video chat with me,

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I just stop, I'm done talking to them.

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I just say, well, just let me know

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and you can schedule and I move it along.

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I don't like delete them,

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but I just stopped paying attention to it.

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So that's how you get to dates

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is you really just wanna start going,

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I'm just gonna have fun.

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I'm just gonna enjoy this company.

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Now you will hear Jackie say over and over again,

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it's a yes until it's a no.

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So here's the other thing.

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And she'll always say, give a man three dates.

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Three dates is a chance.

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Now you guys, if he's a ding dong, if he's a douche,

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like if he's a jerk, no,

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no one is gonna make you stay in it for three dates.

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If it's like watching paint dry

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and you're falling asleep on him

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and you're bored out of your mind

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and you don't even know how to have a conversation.

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No, no one is asking you to force yourself

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through three dates.

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We're just trying to have you be super open-minded

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and flexible.

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If the first date, he seems sweet and kind

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and you had some redeeming qualities in the date

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and you kind of enjoyed your time with him,

250
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but maybe you weren't attracted.

251
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Maybe you were a little bored.

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Offer to see, if he wants to see you again,

253
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offer to see him again and let him pick the thing to do.

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Because if it's something fun that he likes to do,

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you might see a whole new personality come out.

256
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And so there are out of like the 600 people

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that have gotten married in this program,

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I think over 90% said that they were not attracted

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to that person on the first date

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and they married somebody way outside

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of what they thought they would ever marry,

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but it was worth it.

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No one felt like they compromised.

264
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No one felt like, well, okay, I'm just single

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and here it is, I'm just gonna pick that guy.

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No.

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And so all that to say what we used to be attracted to,

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remember Jackie wants us to lead with the intellect first,

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the spiritual first, and then the physical.

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So yes, does she want you to be physically attracted to him

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before you get married?

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Of course she does.

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Of course we do.

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We don't want you to not be attracted

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because sex is a pretty intimate act.

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And so if you have no chemistry,

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it's gonna be really hard to do that.

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We just don't want you to lead with that

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because we know when we lead with that,

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that has brought us through unhealthy relationships

281
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and we're trying to get out of that.

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So that's, I mean, those are some of the things

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I feel like the Lord has told me to share with you all,

284
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which is not even exactly the same as what I shared with it.

285
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Now, as you're going through these videos,

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you might wanna inhale them,

287
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but remember just like the heart work

288
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that you guys were supposed to, in theory,

289
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best practices is watch a video, do the homework a week.

290
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Now there's not any homework for this.

291
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And you're like, Renee, I'm not gonna wait a week

292
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between these videos.

293
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I get it, I totally understand, but don't binge it like you would a Netflix series,

294
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like when you can't leave the house because you've just watched 25 episodes of something.

295
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That's not what we want you to do because we want you to watch them and then see what

296
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God has for you and journal about it, pray about it, and think about that.

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Some of the things that you guys have brought up is just being afraid or intimidated.

298
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One of the things that we talked about in the afternoon session, somebody brought up

299
00:15:33.480 --> 00:15:34.480
is a really good thing.

300
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She said, she has a lot of great girlfriends and she friend zones men really quickly.

301
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And then she started second guessing herself that she's doing this all wrong.

302
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And so I was like, well, when you first meet a girl that you're going to decide if she's

303
00:15:51.400 --> 00:15:55.880
going to be your friend, do you worry if this is going to be a lifelong friend in those first

304
00:15:55.880 --> 00:15:56.880
couple of sessions?

305
00:15:56.880 --> 00:15:57.880
And she's like, no.

306
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And I'm like, well, have that same attitude.

307
00:15:59.840 --> 00:16:05.760
And so there's nothing to be afraid of here.

308
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You are going to make mistakes.

309
00:16:06.880 --> 00:16:08.320
You're going to say the wrong thing.

310
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You're going to do the wrong thing.

311
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You guys, I've done plenty of wrong things.

312
00:16:11.360 --> 00:16:12.360
I was on this date.

313
00:16:12.360 --> 00:16:16.720
I mean, I thought it was really rocking and I had my hair all pulled up and my hair's

314
00:16:16.720 --> 00:16:19.280
not long enough to do like a fun top knot.

315
00:16:19.280 --> 00:16:21.100
It just more looks like a nub.

316
00:16:21.100 --> 00:16:25.840
So I have one of those fake ponytails that has like the nice top knot.

317
00:16:25.840 --> 00:16:29.040
You know, that dang top knot fell out my date, man.

318
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He goes, and I didn't notice it.

319
00:16:30.800 --> 00:16:33.200
So he's like, I think you dropped something.

320
00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:36.440
And I'm like, and I'm looking at my outfit and I'm like, what?

321
00:16:36.440 --> 00:16:44.480
And he's like, and I looked down and there's my hair piece and I'm like, awesome.

322
00:16:44.480 --> 00:16:48.760
And I said, well, now, you know, you know, like I forget what I said.

323
00:16:48.760 --> 00:16:51.720
And you guys, I could have been mortified.

324
00:16:51.720 --> 00:16:53.360
And I just laughed about it.

325
00:16:53.360 --> 00:16:58.840
Like if you laugh at yourself, he's going to laugh too.

326
00:16:58.840 --> 00:17:03.040
You have, if you're not like telling him your life secrets and if you're not making out

327
00:17:03.040 --> 00:17:06.319
with him on the first date, you have nothing to be afraid of.

328
00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:08.079
Make sure that your dates are in public.

329
00:17:08.079 --> 00:17:10.280
Make sure that you tell people where you are.

330
00:17:10.280 --> 00:17:12.200
Like he's not going to steal your money.

331
00:17:12.200 --> 00:17:16.160
He's not going to like, he doesn't have access to that stuff when you're first getting to

332
00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:17.160
know him.

333
00:17:17.160 --> 00:17:19.160
And so just don't worry about it.

334
00:17:19.720 --> 00:17:23.640
This is the thing I tried to remind everybody in the first session today.

335
00:17:23.640 --> 00:17:32.640
If a guy ghosts you as a jerk, is not a classy guy, it has nothing to do with you in those

336
00:17:32.640 --> 00:17:33.720
first sessions.

337
00:17:33.720 --> 00:17:34.960
It really doesn't.

338
00:17:34.960 --> 00:17:36.840
He doesn't know you yet.

339
00:17:36.840 --> 00:17:37.840
Right?

340
00:17:37.840 --> 00:17:41.200
And if he's going to decide he doesn't want to date you because he doesn't like your height

341
00:17:41.200 --> 00:17:47.400
or your weight or the color of your eyes or your mannerism or the sound of your voice,

342
00:17:47.400 --> 00:17:49.040
and he's not your guy.

343
00:17:49.040 --> 00:17:52.560
Like your guy is going to be so excited for you.

344
00:17:52.560 --> 00:17:57.760
Like y'all, like I was at Planet Fitness, like the, the ghetto Planet Fitness in like

345
00:17:57.760 --> 00:18:01.400
Trumbull, Connecticut, not the nice little one down the street I just came from when

346
00:18:01.400 --> 00:18:02.800
I was home for Connecticut.

347
00:18:02.800 --> 00:18:07.400
And I mean this man bun, he, you know, he might've been 20 years younger than me.

348
00:18:07.400 --> 00:18:10.280
I don't think he realized how, how old I was.

349
00:18:10.280 --> 00:18:13.840
And he was like, Hey, as we started talking, he's like, I'd like to take you out for lunch.

350
00:18:13.840 --> 00:18:15.280
And I was like, all right.

351
00:18:15.280 --> 00:18:18.960
And here's the thing you guys, I knew right off the bat, he was not going to be my guy

352
00:18:19.880 --> 00:18:21.480
Like I could just, you know, you just know, right.

353
00:18:21.480 --> 00:18:26.120
But I thought this is Renee trying to be friendly because I don't know, maybe his older brother

354
00:18:26.120 --> 00:18:27.280
would be better for me.

355
00:18:27.280 --> 00:18:31.680
Maybe his best friend would like, I might go out on a date with him and go, wow, he's

356
00:18:31.680 --> 00:18:36.840
not right for me, but there's an adorable girl in our community right here that I want

357
00:18:36.840 --> 00:18:37.840
to match her up to.

358
00:18:37.840 --> 00:18:41.960
So you guys, when you guys have dates with somebody that you think is a nice guy, checks

359
00:18:41.960 --> 00:18:45.560
off all the boxes, but you're not physically attracted to him.

360
00:18:45.560 --> 00:18:47.440
Think about your sisters here in the community.

361
00:18:47.440 --> 00:18:49.400
He might be the perfect guy.

362
00:18:49.400 --> 00:18:51.440
Carla was on the session this afternoon.

363
00:18:51.440 --> 00:18:52.800
She's actually helping one of you.

364
00:18:52.800 --> 00:18:54.840
She's one of your coaches with Bethany.

365
00:18:54.840 --> 00:19:00.560
And I didn't even know this, but she was set up by somebody like somebody, one of her girlfriends

366
00:19:00.560 --> 00:19:05.900
in this community was in another online, like just Facebook page.

367
00:19:05.900 --> 00:19:09.440
And she sent a screenshot of this net, her now husband and said, Hey, what do you think

368
00:19:09.440 --> 00:19:10.440
of this guy?

369
00:19:10.440 --> 00:19:12.260
I'm going to set you two up.

370
00:19:12.260 --> 00:19:13.800
And so it can happen.

371
00:19:13.800 --> 00:19:17.240
You guys, that's why you guys want to stay in community with one another and get to know

372
00:19:18.040 --> 00:19:19.040
one another.

373
00:19:19.040 --> 00:19:22.800
Because if Kimberly Smith and I are hanging out and we're chatting, I know what her personality

374
00:19:22.800 --> 00:19:23.800
is like.

375
00:19:23.800 --> 00:19:25.040
I know what she likes and what she doesn't like.

376
00:19:25.040 --> 00:19:29.040
So if I go out on a date with a guy, now we both have dark hair, you know, we've got some

377
00:19:29.040 --> 00:19:30.040
similar features.

378
00:19:30.040 --> 00:19:35.760
So if a guy was attracted to me, but there's nothing else going on, I might go, gosh, Kimberly

379
00:19:35.760 --> 00:19:37.380
might be perfect for him.

380
00:19:37.380 --> 00:19:39.880
And so I might just give her that opportunity.

381
00:19:39.880 --> 00:19:46.280
So I really want you to just consider, just really step into the fun, really embrace who

382
00:19:46.320 --> 00:19:47.320
you are.

383
00:19:47.320 --> 00:19:51.920
And the biggest thing I really want you to not do is have FOMO and compare your journey

384
00:19:51.920 --> 00:19:54.440
with somebody else.

385
00:19:54.440 --> 00:19:58.600
Now some of you have been on all the apps, doing all the things, and you're like, Renee,

386
00:19:58.600 --> 00:20:00.040
I have done 5,000.

387
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.280
discovery dates. Like I've been there and I've done that. I've got my healed whole heart now.

388
00:20:05.280 --> 00:20:09.920
I'm just going to date deliberately. Like I'm not going to go out on a date with a guy that doesn't

389
00:20:09.920 --> 00:20:16.720
pass, you know, what is now my God defended list. And that is okay. So you might go on a lot less

390
00:20:16.720 --> 00:20:21.520
dates than somebody who is just getting out there for the first time and accepting all the date

391
00:20:21.520 --> 00:20:26.880
offers. So we're all at different places in our life. We all want different things. Like you guys,

392
00:20:26.880 --> 00:20:33.360
I've been in full-time ministry since I was 29 years old. So I probably have a higher criteria

393
00:20:33.360 --> 00:20:39.600
of where I need his walk to be because I just, I need him to be at my match. Now he doesn't need

394
00:20:39.600 --> 00:20:45.520
to have been a believer as long as me, but I need him to be at my match faith walk wise. Otherwise,

395
00:20:46.320 --> 00:20:50.240
I have a strong personality. I'll just start to overtake him. And I don't want to become the

396
00:20:50.240 --> 00:20:55.200
spiritual leader of that relationship. I also know that I have a strong personality. I really

397
00:20:55.200 --> 00:21:01.040
try to reign it in, do the divine feminine thing, not come off too masculine, but I'm still a Yankee.

398
00:21:01.040 --> 00:21:06.800
I'm still Italian. And so like, if that's going to bug them, then that's going to bug them right

399
00:21:06.800 --> 00:21:12.400
from the beginning. And you guys try not to be somebody that you're not because there's reigning

400
00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:17.760
it in. I don't know why I'm supposed to say this, but I am. There's reigning it in, like not being

401
00:21:17.760 --> 00:21:23.280
so explosive. Like if you're a boss, babe, you're not going to show up on the date as a boss, babe.

402
00:21:23.280 --> 00:21:29.840
If you are a caretaker for your children and for your family and for your parents, you don't want

403
00:21:29.840 --> 00:21:37.360
to caretake him. If you tend to interview well, oh, here's another one. If you're really good in

404
00:21:37.360 --> 00:21:41.040
ministry, because here's the other good thing. I'm really good at getting people to share their

405
00:21:41.040 --> 00:21:45.280
entire life story. If I say, oh my gosh, hi, how are you? I haven't seen you in a long time.

406
00:21:45.280 --> 00:21:48.320
Right there in the middle of the street, people will tell me their entire life story.

407
00:21:48.320 --> 00:21:53.520
It has worked really well in ministry and it's helped me like get people further along. It's

408
00:21:53.520 --> 00:21:59.600
been a terrible gift to have an exercise in dating because I learned deep, dark secrets about a man

409
00:21:59.600 --> 00:22:05.520
way too quickly. I become his therapist somehow. I become his caretaker and I'm now the stronger

410
00:22:05.520 --> 00:22:11.520
person because I know all his weak stuff. And it sets me up to be in the one up position.

411
00:22:11.520 --> 00:22:16.640
And they enjoy it at first because they need the healing. But then as they get healed,

412
00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:23.920
they feel that disconnect and it makes them very uncomfortable. So that's what I'm going

413
00:22:23.920 --> 00:22:29.200
to encourage you to do. So if you are the caretaker, you want to nurture, not caretake.

414
00:22:30.080 --> 00:22:33.760
If you are the therapist like me, you can get that out of them. You're going to have to rein

415
00:22:33.760 --> 00:22:38.720
that gift in. And if they just start vomiting their story on you, you're going to have to make

416
00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:44.720
sure you do lots of fun dates. Go take a walk down. I have a really cute town. Take a walk

417
00:22:44.800 --> 00:22:52.560
downtown, go hiking, um, go, go ax throwing, go bowling, force yourself to be in dates where

418
00:22:52.560 --> 00:22:57.200
there's other people it's public. And you're not just staring at each other because if you're like

419
00:22:57.200 --> 00:23:03.280
me that you just ooze, I can tell you everything. And even though you try to stop them, like it's

420
00:23:03.280 --> 00:23:07.920
really hard. So if you're finding that's happening on your dates plan, really fun dates in the

421
00:23:07.920 --> 00:23:13.600
beginning, um, to help you kind of get away with that. All right. I am going to stop talking

422
00:23:13.600 --> 00:23:18.880
because the best part of this is you guys, either something I've said, jogged your memory,

423
00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:22.560
something that somebody wrote in the thing, something you watched in the video. So this is

424
00:23:22.560 --> 00:23:28.080
now your time. Even if people are in different places in the program than you are, they're

425
00:23:28.080 --> 00:23:33.120
going to learn from your questions and hopefully the answers that I give. So I know it takes

426
00:23:33.120 --> 00:23:39.120
somebody to be brave to go first, but somebody is going to do it because this floor is yours now.

427
00:23:39.120 --> 00:23:43.760
And if you are watching on Facebook, make sure you use the link that's in guide to,

428
00:23:43.760 --> 00:23:49.600
and you hop onto the zoom call. So you can ask your question. Who's going to go first.

429
00:23:49.600 --> 00:24:09.360
Okay. This is the one being recorded. You guys, not this afternoon when I had a bunch of

430
00:24:09.360 --> 00:24:14.720
questions. So it's all on you. The pressure is on you because people are going to be watching

431
00:24:14.720 --> 00:24:21.040
this in the replay and they're just going to see Margaret, Carol, Maria, and they're just going to

432
00:24:21.040 --> 00:24:26.000
be like, girls, you had no questions. I have 5,000 questions. Maybe you can bring up a question that

433
00:24:26.000 --> 00:24:32.240
you saw in the chat that you have just anything. How's it going? Tell me if you don't have a

434
00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:38.320
question, tell me how you're doing in this process and where you might be freaking out or not. Cindy,

435
00:24:38.880 --> 00:24:44.240
lovely. Thank you for being brave and going first. You're welcome. I'll ask a question because

436
00:24:44.800 --> 00:24:53.520
I finished the dating one-on-one and I feel like, like I am honestly so busy. I could finish the

437
00:24:53.520 --> 00:24:59.760
Hartford and I was at this place before I start her work. Like, I just, I don't know if I'm

438
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.640
Like I'm burnt out with online dating because I did it before I started the program.

439
00:25:04.640 --> 00:25:09.360
I've been single for almost 15 years.

440
00:25:09.360 --> 00:25:15.080
And so it's just, it's like, is God telling me it's just not the right time because it's

441
00:25:15.080 --> 00:25:17.240
just not of interest right now?

442
00:25:17.240 --> 00:25:20.120
Or it's like, cause I know I need to put myself out there.

443
00:25:20.120 --> 00:25:27.920
I'm in very involved with a community group here in Houston, but I haven't finished all

444
00:25:27.920 --> 00:25:29.960
of the different sessions.

445
00:25:29.960 --> 00:25:34.320
So I guess my question is, do we need to finish all those before we like, I have one online

446
00:25:34.320 --> 00:25:37.560
profile right now and I'm just like hardly ever on there.

447
00:25:37.560 --> 00:25:38.560
Yeah.

448
00:25:38.560 --> 00:25:40.320
It's really your comfort zone.

449
00:25:40.320 --> 00:25:46.640
So people who, I would say this for people who feel like I'm so out of my game, I'm not

450
00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:47.760
ready to start dating.

451
00:25:47.760 --> 00:25:50.320
I have no idea how to do the app safely.

452
00:25:50.320 --> 00:25:55.120
I would say watch the divine feminine, watch dating one-on-one, you know, watch the online

453
00:25:55.120 --> 00:25:57.560
dating one and watch the boundaries one.

454
00:25:58.200 --> 00:26:02.840
You can do all of those things before you go online, but some of the smaller things

455
00:26:02.840 --> 00:26:08.440
that you can do, Cindy, between now and then, and I will say this too, you kind of have

456
00:26:08.440 --> 00:26:11.240
to have grace for the online dating, right?

457
00:26:11.240 --> 00:26:14.520
Like they're like, and it is okay.

458
00:26:14.520 --> 00:26:21.280
Like I took a nine month hiatus from dating altogether in this program because last, about

459
00:26:21.280 --> 00:26:26.200
a year and a half ago, my dad passed away very suddenly, unexpectedly.

460
00:26:26.200 --> 00:26:30.460
It was a complicated relationship that brought complicated grief.

461
00:26:30.460 --> 00:26:34.560
At the same time, my mom was actually separating from her second husband.

462
00:26:34.560 --> 00:26:37.080
Cause see, here's what happens when you don't do heart healing.

463
00:26:37.080 --> 00:26:41.120
She was married to my dad for 25 years, walked right into a marriage that was just like my

464
00:26:41.120 --> 00:26:43.560
dad for another 25 years.

465
00:26:43.560 --> 00:26:47.880
Finally had the guts at 80 years old ladies to leave his butt.

466
00:26:47.880 --> 00:26:51.320
And but my mom was going through that divorce at the same time that dad died.

467
00:26:51.320 --> 00:26:55.400
I just didn't have the, I didn't have the capacity or the space or the grace to date.

468
00:26:55.600 --> 00:26:56.600
So I just stopped.

469
00:26:56.600 --> 00:26:57.600
I took care of my family.

470
00:26:57.600 --> 00:26:59.240
I do what I did, what I needed to do.

471
00:26:59.240 --> 00:27:01.620
And then I kind of got it, got back in the game.

472
00:27:01.620 --> 00:27:05.480
And so if you don't have the grace for doing the online thing, and that doesn't feel comfortable

473
00:27:05.480 --> 00:27:07.840
right now, then don't do that.

474
00:27:07.840 --> 00:27:11.480
Now you're in a community group, but it may not be yielding you a lot of single guys.

475
00:27:11.480 --> 00:27:16.600
So you may want to think, what can I start doing to put me in the company where I might

476
00:27:16.600 --> 00:27:18.320
bump into single men?

477
00:27:18.320 --> 00:27:25.200
Like I was at like working out at home, I pay $10 a month to go work out at the planet

478
00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:27.000
fitness.

479
00:27:27.000 --> 00:27:28.000
Now I just got back from there.

480
00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:29.240
It was mobbed with guys.

481
00:27:29.240 --> 00:27:32.200
And I wanted to take a video to show you guys tonight.

482
00:27:32.200 --> 00:27:35.900
So I'm like, if you've been working out at home, or if you've been working out at some

483
00:27:35.900 --> 00:27:42.480
bougie little place with a bunch of cute other women, stop or add something like a planet

484
00:27:42.480 --> 00:27:45.640
fitness, a YMCA, the local rec center.

485
00:27:45.640 --> 00:27:47.320
That's where guys are working out.

486
00:27:47.320 --> 00:27:48.400
That's where guys are working out.

487
00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:52.440
They don't want to spend a lot of money and they don't need all the frills and the thrills.

488
00:27:52.680 --> 00:27:57.160
I used to be a member at Lifetime Fitness, which is very bougie, very expensive, but

489
00:27:57.160 --> 00:28:03.040
you want to know 90% of the dudes at Lifetime Fitness are married and they have 3.2 children.

490
00:28:03.040 --> 00:28:06.840
So that's not where single dudes are going.

491
00:28:06.840 --> 00:28:11.560
So be willing to go to the brass bar shop, be willing to go take some golf lessons, be

492
00:28:11.560 --> 00:28:16.480
willing to grab a couple of girlfriends or take a book or not even take a book, go sit

493
00:28:16.480 --> 00:28:22.240
at the bar of a sports bar during the day when there's a football game going on.

494
00:28:23.040 --> 00:28:26.160
Be willing, go volunteer.

495
00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:32.080
Our community in Nashville has a nonprofit called Hands on Nashville, and you can sign

496
00:28:32.080 --> 00:28:36.120
up on any given day to go volunteer anywhere.

497
00:28:36.120 --> 00:28:41.600
Here's where men go volunteer, the Red Cross, Habitat for Humanity, anything that's going

498
00:28:41.600 --> 00:28:49.440
to be building, digging, grabbing, serving food for the homeless, going out at room at

499
00:28:49.520 --> 00:28:53.600
the end when churches do like those donation collections.

500
00:28:53.600 --> 00:28:56.960
That's the stuff that guys are going to volunteer, things that are going to, you know, things

501
00:28:56.960 --> 00:28:59.360
that are going to kind of like be manly.

502
00:28:59.360 --> 00:29:00.640
That's the stuff that they're going to do.

503
00:29:00.640 --> 00:29:06.080
Don't go pick a hobby like needlepoint, go take, you know, I would let somebody told

504
00:29:06.080 --> 00:29:08.440
me to take a cooking class, which would be lovely.

505
00:29:08.440 --> 00:29:13.560
Now I've done cooking classes and you know, the men that show up there, they're gay.

506
00:29:13.560 --> 00:29:14.560
They just are.

507
00:29:14.560 --> 00:29:15.560
I mean, right.

508
00:29:15.560 --> 00:29:18.080
Or their husbands, they're married.

509
00:29:18.080 --> 00:29:21.520
Like I'm just start to, so start to think about what you're interested in.

510
00:29:21.520 --> 00:29:22.960
Take a girlfriend, go bowling.

511
00:29:22.960 --> 00:29:27.200
So that's what I encourage you to do, Cindy, is if you don't want to do the online dating

512
00:29:27.200 --> 00:29:34.400
right now, think, do I want to hike, ski, like, you know, go on a ski trip, go on a

513
00:29:34.400 --> 00:29:35.960
three day cruise.

514
00:29:35.960 --> 00:29:38.280
Like what are you willing to do?

515
00:29:38.280 --> 00:29:40.440
That's outside of what you would normally do.

516
00:29:40.440 --> 00:29:42.120
That's going to put you in the thing.

517
00:29:42.120 --> 00:29:46.960
And you guys just start talking to men everywhere you go.

518
00:29:46.960 --> 00:29:50.080
So I'm sure, and I'm now using that to my advantage.

519
00:29:50.080 --> 00:29:55.000
If I can't reach something on this shelf at the grocery store, I don't ask the girl.

520
00:29:55.000 --> 00:29:59.040
No, like if there's a tall girl, I'm going to find the guy.

521
00:29:59.040 --> 00:30:00.040
Now I don't worry.

522
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.360
if he's married or not, not my problem.

523
00:30:02.360 --> 00:30:03.960
I'm just gonna be kind and friendly

524
00:30:03.960 --> 00:30:08.480
because it's starting to teach me to be friendly and flirty.

525
00:30:08.480 --> 00:30:10.480
When I'm at the gym, I can't,

526
00:30:10.480 --> 00:30:12.320
like to do one of the pull down things,

527
00:30:12.320 --> 00:30:14.680
I can't, if I got a chair,

528
00:30:14.680 --> 00:30:17.800
like old me would pull the thing over,

529
00:30:17.800 --> 00:30:19.880
stand on it to hook it on.

530
00:30:19.880 --> 00:30:20.840
Heck no.

531
00:30:20.840 --> 00:30:24.240
I make sure I find the cutest guy every time to ask,

532
00:30:24.240 --> 00:30:25.960
can you put that up for me?

533
00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:27.160
Thank you.

534
00:30:27.160 --> 00:30:29.800
And because I don't know, sooner or later,

535
00:30:29.800 --> 00:30:32.400
one of those guys is gonna be single.

536
00:30:32.400 --> 00:30:35.120
So that's what this whole stage is.

537
00:30:35.120 --> 00:30:36.600
So if that's all you do

538
00:30:36.600 --> 00:30:40.120
until you finish watching everything, start doing that.

539
00:30:40.120 --> 00:30:43.200
Start smiling to the guy holding the door open.

540
00:30:43.200 --> 00:30:44.400
Let a guy, oh my gosh,

541
00:30:44.400 --> 00:30:46.840
you guys try to make it look really obvious

542
00:30:46.840 --> 00:30:48.320
that your hands are full.

543
00:30:48.320 --> 00:30:50.000
Let him open the door for you.

544
00:30:50.920 --> 00:30:52.520
Start to do that thing, girl.

545
00:30:52.520 --> 00:30:55.200
So that's what I'm gonna encourage you to do.

546
00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:58.520
Do what you have the grace to do right now.

547
00:30:58.520 --> 00:31:01.360
And if nothing else, start getting out there

548
00:31:01.360 --> 00:31:04.440
and being super friendly to everybody that you see.

549
00:31:04.440 --> 00:31:05.280
All right.

550
00:31:05.280 --> 00:31:06.120
That was good.

551
00:31:06.120 --> 00:31:06.960
Thanks for asking that.

552
00:31:06.960 --> 00:31:07.800
Hopefully that helped you.

553
00:31:07.800 --> 00:31:08.640
Thank you.

554
00:31:08.640 --> 00:31:09.480
You did.

555
00:31:09.480 --> 00:31:10.640
All right.

556
00:31:10.640 --> 00:31:15.440
Another brave thought, a brave question, clarifying.

557
00:31:15.440 --> 00:31:16.280
Awesome.

558
00:31:16.280 --> 00:31:18.440
Carol, did you have your hand up?

559
00:31:18.440 --> 00:31:19.280
Yeah.

560
00:31:20.160 --> 00:31:21.240
Yeah, I just wanted to say,

561
00:31:21.240 --> 00:31:23.640
I appreciated the point about treat the date

562
00:31:23.640 --> 00:31:26.160
like a girlfriend, just have fun, enjoy his company

563
00:31:26.160 --> 00:31:31.160
because I have not dated for over 30 years

564
00:31:33.560 --> 00:31:36.720
and because I was divorced in 2020.

565
00:31:36.720 --> 00:31:40.920
And in 2022, I'm like, I think I'm ready.

566
00:31:40.920 --> 00:31:42.560
I think I could, you know,

567
00:31:42.560 --> 00:31:44.360
and a friend of mine, I actually did this.

568
00:31:44.360 --> 00:31:47.280
I went and told certain people,

569
00:31:47.280 --> 00:31:50.760
referral system at the recommendation of a friend of mine.

570
00:31:50.760 --> 00:31:53.760
And she sent me, she asked, reached out

571
00:31:54.400 --> 00:31:57.720
or I connected with a guy that she knew

572
00:31:57.720 --> 00:32:01.080
and he was a Christian man, very nice.

573
00:32:01.080 --> 00:32:03.080
And here's what I did.

574
00:32:03.080 --> 00:32:06.600
Totally what, like, here's my list, you know,

575
00:32:06.600 --> 00:32:09.840
and we had a call and we talked through everything.

576
00:32:09.840 --> 00:32:11.120
And then we had another call

577
00:32:11.120 --> 00:32:13.000
and we talked through everything.

578
00:32:13.000 --> 00:32:14.720
And then it's like, should we have another call

579
00:32:14.720 --> 00:32:16.480
or maybe we should meet.

580
00:32:16.480 --> 00:32:18.840
And we had a coffee date and you know,

581
00:32:18.840 --> 00:32:21.800
like just the things that we're not supposed to do, right?

582
00:32:21.800 --> 00:32:23.000
We've all done it, girl.

583
00:32:23.280 --> 00:32:25.200
I mean, I look back on those early dates,

584
00:32:25.200 --> 00:32:27.040
tons of interviews.

585
00:32:27.040 --> 00:32:28.920
Okay, well, and he was nice,

586
00:32:28.920 --> 00:32:29.960
but there was a couple of things

587
00:32:29.960 --> 00:32:32.400
that were a little too parallel with my ex

588
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:33.800
and I just couldn't do it.

589
00:32:33.800 --> 00:32:36.520
And so that's kind of where I landed.

590
00:32:36.520 --> 00:32:39.440
Maybe you could speak to that, but I have to tell you.

591
00:32:39.440 --> 00:32:40.520
That's really good, Carol.

592
00:32:40.520 --> 00:32:41.800
Cause here's the thing,

593
00:32:42.840 --> 00:32:47.040
you are going to find similarities to your exes.

594
00:32:47.040 --> 00:32:49.680
You just will, because some of the things

595
00:32:49.720 --> 00:32:53.400
that attracted you to your exes weren't all bad.

596
00:32:53.400 --> 00:32:54.440
They weren't all bad.

597
00:32:54.440 --> 00:32:57.960
And so if he's, oh my gosh, he's got the same name.

598
00:32:57.960 --> 00:32:59.960
Oh my gosh, he's as tall as he is.

599
00:32:59.960 --> 00:33:02.760
Oh my gosh, he cuts his steak the same way.

600
00:33:02.760 --> 00:33:05.040
Oh my gosh, he loves golf too.

601
00:33:05.040 --> 00:33:08.600
Like chances are really high

602
00:33:08.600 --> 00:33:10.520
that you are going to be attracted

603
00:33:10.520 --> 00:33:14.240
and on dates with men that remind you of an ex.

604
00:33:15.200 --> 00:33:16.960
That's where the hard work comes in

605
00:33:16.960 --> 00:33:19.200
is you have to kind of recognize the trigger

606
00:33:19.720 --> 00:33:20.600
and go, you know what?

607
00:33:20.600 --> 00:33:22.680
I don't know enough about this person

608
00:33:22.680 --> 00:33:24.680
to make this assessment yet.

609
00:33:24.680 --> 00:33:29.040
But Carol, that's why having fun dates are important

610
00:33:29.040 --> 00:33:31.440
because you need to find out.

611
00:33:31.440 --> 00:33:34.160
So I don't want you to decide in the first date

612
00:33:34.160 --> 00:33:37.240
that you don't, unless it's a glaring red flag.

613
00:33:37.240 --> 00:33:39.520
So it might've just been a yellow, right?

614
00:33:39.520 --> 00:33:40.800
You didn't know enough about that guy.

615
00:33:40.800 --> 00:33:43.600
So that would have been what we would call a yellow flag.

616
00:33:43.600 --> 00:33:46.560
So you get enough deposits of fun stuff

617
00:33:46.560 --> 00:33:49.200
because you might've tried a few fun things about,

618
00:33:49.200 --> 00:33:50.040
you know, with him.

619
00:33:50.040 --> 00:33:51.120
And you were just like, you know what?

620
00:33:51.120 --> 00:33:54.000
I just was kind of bored or he just wasn't intellectual.

621
00:33:54.000 --> 00:33:57.080
And then you would have known you walked away from the date

622
00:33:57.080 --> 00:33:58.900
because he just wasn't your guy.

623
00:33:58.900 --> 00:34:00.800
Not because you might've been triggered

624
00:34:00.800 --> 00:34:02.480
because he was too much like your ex.

625
00:34:02.480 --> 00:34:03.880
Like, do you know what I'm saying?

626
00:34:03.880 --> 00:34:06.640
So that's why we encourage you to have some fun dates

627
00:34:06.640 --> 00:34:08.080
and get to know them.

628
00:34:08.080 --> 00:34:10.679
And if you guys feel like that trigger come up,

629
00:34:10.679 --> 00:34:12.239
like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,

630
00:34:12.239 --> 00:34:15.760
you simply just say to yourself, I don't know yet,

631
00:34:15.760 --> 00:34:18.480
but that's the beauty of level two dating.

632
00:34:18.480 --> 00:34:20.159
I don't have to decide.

633
00:34:20.159 --> 00:34:22.560
I don't have to decide if I want to make out with him yet.

634
00:34:22.560 --> 00:34:25.120
I don't have to decide if I'm going to marry him yet.

635
00:34:25.120 --> 00:34:26.719
I'm just getting to know him.

636
00:34:26.719 --> 00:34:31.199
And it's so outside of, you know, I kiss dating goodbye.

637
00:34:31.199 --> 00:34:34.120
So many of us got really screwed up in that era too.

638
00:34:34.120 --> 00:34:37.100
And so we don't even know how to go out on a date

639
00:34:37.100 --> 00:34:41.159
with somebody one-on-one without it feeling like either,

640
00:34:41.159 --> 00:34:43.600
like, and I don't know about you, but I used to think,

641
00:34:43.600 --> 00:34:44.800
this is what I used to think.

642
00:34:44.840 --> 00:34:46.800
Like, if I wanted to crawl across the table

643
00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:49.239
and have sex with him, I'm like, oh my gosh.

644
00:34:49.239 --> 00:34:52.040
Like, ah, like he's the guy, right?

645
00:34:52.040 --> 00:34:54.560
We think that like that, it's that energy,

646
00:34:54.560 --> 00:34:56.719
that chemistry, that chemistry.

647
00:34:56.719 --> 00:35:00.160
And now we know in therapy and data will tell us that.

648
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.200
that attraction that you feel on that first date that that's that combustible, it is not

649
00:35:05.200 --> 00:35:06.200
healthy.

650
00:35:06.200 --> 00:35:07.200
There's nothing good about that.

651
00:35:07.200 --> 00:35:09.680
Like the data has backed that up.

652
00:35:09.680 --> 00:35:15.960
Like and if you're a people pleasing codependent caretaker like I am, if you walk in a bar,

653
00:35:15.960 --> 00:35:17.680
the addict will find you.

654
00:35:17.680 --> 00:35:22.860
It's like their energy is just attracted to you and there's like zoom.

655
00:35:22.860 --> 00:35:25.800
And that's why you really also want to watch the boundaries one.

656
00:35:25.800 --> 00:35:32.440
So if you, if you say Renee, Bethany, Carla, why am I still attracting the narcissist?

657
00:35:32.440 --> 00:35:34.840
Why am I still attracting that narcissist?

658
00:35:34.840 --> 00:35:39.760
Please watch the boundary video that I did because I really unpack that.

659
00:35:39.760 --> 00:35:46.120
And when you guys get to phase three, phase three, when you get to phase three, there's

660
00:35:46.120 --> 00:35:50.760
a three C a three point series teaching I did.

661
00:35:50.760 --> 00:35:52.120
It's all on boundaries.

662
00:35:52.120 --> 00:35:59.120
And I dig even further into that and we really unpack like you can attract a narcissist unless

663
00:35:59.120 --> 00:36:03.440
you're still in your codependent people pleasing style.

664
00:36:03.440 --> 00:36:05.700
That's the only way you still attract that.

665
00:36:05.700 --> 00:36:10.760
If you become healthy with healthy boundaries, you might bump into the narcissist.

666
00:36:10.760 --> 00:36:14.480
He might find you, but he's going to know he can't play you.

667
00:36:14.480 --> 00:36:17.500
So it will, he will just repel from you.

668
00:36:17.500 --> 00:36:22.540
So if we're drawing that personality style in, then there's something that we're still

669
00:36:22.540 --> 00:36:23.540
doing.

670
00:36:23.540 --> 00:36:25.940
That's kind of playing a part in it.

671
00:36:25.940 --> 00:36:29.940
It's not our fault, but we're still kind of operating in a little bit of that role.

672
00:36:29.940 --> 00:36:35.380
So if that's something you're worried about the boundary session, we'll kind of unpack

673
00:36:35.380 --> 00:36:39.100
styles a little bit and that might help you there.

674
00:36:39.100 --> 00:36:40.100
Great question, Carol.

675
00:36:40.100 --> 00:36:43.940
Hopefully I answered it and just didn't vomit too much.

676
00:36:43.940 --> 00:36:44.940
Elizabeth.

677
00:36:44.940 --> 00:36:45.940
Yeah.

678
00:36:45.940 --> 00:36:48.940
Thank you, Renee.

679
00:36:48.940 --> 00:36:51.860
I guess just a brief comment.

680
00:36:51.860 --> 00:36:58.300
You had mentioned like just like not being afraid to ask help from other men and like

681
00:36:58.300 --> 00:36:59.300
looking them in the eye.

682
00:36:59.300 --> 00:37:07.500
And I've noticed a real significant change in like before doing the heart work.

683
00:37:07.500 --> 00:37:13.020
Like anytime I would receive help from another man, like at first of all, I wouldn't like

684
00:37:13.100 --> 00:37:20.780
look him in the eye and I would feel like, like obligated to do something in return.

685
00:37:20.780 --> 00:37:21.780
And I don't feel that anymore.

686
00:37:21.780 --> 00:37:22.780
Like I went, I'm so excited.

687
00:37:22.780 --> 00:37:23.780
I went on a date with this guy.

688
00:37:23.780 --> 00:37:24.780
I had a blast.

689
00:37:24.780 --> 00:37:34.500
He can hardly speak English and he bought me a present and I was just like, I felt so

690
00:37:34.500 --> 00:37:41.020
blessed by getting, receiving the present and I didn't feel obligated to like continue

691
00:37:41.020 --> 00:37:42.740
dating him or doing anything.

692
00:37:42.740 --> 00:37:46.260
I could just say, thank you and just receive the blessing.

693
00:37:46.260 --> 00:37:52.220
So the heart of work that, oh my gosh, Elizabeth, thank you so much for asking that or mentioning

694
00:37:52.220 --> 00:37:55.980
that because somebody in the earlier class said she just grew up in the era.

695
00:37:55.980 --> 00:38:00.780
She just didn't want men to feel like it was making her uncomfortable that men always have

696
00:38:00.780 --> 00:38:02.580
to pay for the first day.

697
00:38:02.580 --> 00:38:06.440
And like, when do you offer to split the bill?

698
00:38:06.440 --> 00:38:11.600
And I, so I love that you learned that it's okay to receive graciously because ladies,

699
00:38:11.600 --> 00:38:15.860
I bet you every single one of you on here, you are great givers.

700
00:38:15.860 --> 00:38:17.600
You are great servants.

701
00:38:17.600 --> 00:38:23.840
You serve and you give, like my mom is the best servant and the best giver on the planet.

702
00:38:23.840 --> 00:38:25.620
She sucks at receiving.

703
00:38:25.620 --> 00:38:30.520
She doesn't know how to let somebody just give her within then her feeling like she's

704
00:38:30.520 --> 00:38:31.560
got to retaliate.

705
00:38:31.560 --> 00:38:35.200
So like, and I'm like, mom, can't people just bless you?

706
00:38:35.200 --> 00:38:39.660
You bless people all the time and you don't want anything in return.

707
00:38:39.660 --> 00:38:43.160
And the minute people do it for you, you feel like you got to do something.

708
00:38:43.160 --> 00:38:48.160
So I love that, that like, what a gift for you to receive that.

709
00:38:48.160 --> 00:38:51.760
And we just have to believe you guys, if somebody does something for us and takes us out on

710
00:38:51.760 --> 00:38:57.120
a nice date, and that's the other way that you can make sure that you're not feeling

711
00:38:57.120 --> 00:38:59.000
like you're not taking advantage of a guy.

712
00:38:59.000 --> 00:39:02.100
So some of you might think like, I don't like him having to pay all the bill.

713
00:39:02.100 --> 00:39:05.460
I always ask what kind of first date he wants.

714
00:39:05.460 --> 00:39:07.060
And I always offer free options.

715
00:39:07.060 --> 00:39:11.180
I'm like, oh, we can just, you know, hit the Starbucks and go walk downtown and go window

716
00:39:11.180 --> 00:39:13.940
shopping or we can go for a hike or we can.

717
00:39:13.940 --> 00:39:18.120
So I always offer free options or very cheap options.

718
00:39:18.120 --> 00:39:21.720
But if he's like, hey, well, we're going to go to like Ruth Chris or some like really

719
00:39:21.720 --> 00:39:26.220
expensive restaurant, he's picking that, then that man can afford it and I'm going to let

720
00:39:26.220 --> 00:39:27.220
him pay for it.

721
00:39:27.220 --> 00:39:28.740
And I'm like, that's okay.

722
00:39:28.740 --> 00:39:29.740
You know what?

723
00:39:30.060 --> 00:39:34.780
When I was in the season of making a lot of money, I was very generous with people and

724
00:39:34.780 --> 00:39:38.780
I took the bill a lot and people are like, you don't have to get the bill.

725
00:39:38.780 --> 00:39:41.100
And I'm like, I know, but I just want to bless you.

726
00:39:41.100 --> 00:39:44.180
And so it's okay for that.

727
00:39:44.180 --> 00:39:49.460
If you start dating him long enough, how you will be able to reciprocate is I usually say,

728
00:39:49.460 --> 00:39:52.140
you know, like if we're going on a picnic, well, let me take care of the food.

729
00:39:52.140 --> 00:39:56.020
You're always the one, you know, buying dinner, you know, I'm a great cook.

730
00:39:56.020 --> 00:39:58.540
Let's do something where I can prepare the food and bring it.

731
00:39:58.540 --> 00:40:00.020
So that's how you can reciprocate.

732
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:12.440
reciprocate without, you know, or if you're on a date with him, like he brought you a gift, like say a guy takes you out on three or four dates and he mentions that he likes, um, you know, Oswald Chambers.

733
00:40:12.440 --> 00:40:16.220
And so you pick up the devotional for him and you're like, oh my gosh, you know what?

734
00:40:16.220 --> 00:40:18.900
You mentioned you like this and I saw this and I just thought I would pick it up.

735
00:40:19.100 --> 00:40:23.020
You also don't, I mean, so that gift giving goes in return, right?

736
00:40:23.020 --> 00:40:25.300
Like it could be just like, I want to just thank you.

737
00:40:25.300 --> 00:40:29.540
It's been so nice getting to know you and I don't know where this is going to go or if it's not going to go anywhere at all.

738
00:40:29.540 --> 00:40:33.320
But I just got this for you cause I was thinking about you and I just wanted to say thank you.

739
00:40:33.800 --> 00:40:40.080
Like how awesome that we can be kind, that we can just be kind to one another.

740
00:40:40.560 --> 00:40:43.080
Um, so what a great, thank you for bringing that up.

741
00:40:43.160 --> 00:40:43.400
All right.

742
00:40:43.400 --> 00:40:47.000
Somebody else had their hand raised earlier.

743
00:40:47.480 --> 00:40:48.560
All right, Carolyn, you want to go?

744
00:40:55.220 --> 00:40:55.760
Sorry.

745
00:40:56.080 --> 00:40:56.400
You're good.

746
00:40:57.040 --> 00:40:57.720
Hi.

747
00:40:58.160 --> 00:40:58.800
Hi.

748
00:40:59.220 --> 00:41:01.540
Hey, um, I don't know.

749
00:41:01.580 --> 00:41:06.500
I've been having like the weirdest, uh, time with this course right now.

750
00:41:06.500 --> 00:41:17.020
Just cause like, I feel pretty confident with all of like online dating, but I, what I'm frustrated with is I just don't know how to attract like the type of man that I want.

751
00:41:17.620 --> 00:41:20.300
Like I keep getting them and they're like here.

752
00:41:20.300 --> 00:41:22.860
I'm like, if I feel like I'm like, this is where I'm aiming for.

753
00:41:22.860 --> 00:41:24.660
And I was like trying to live my life this way.

754
00:41:25.500 --> 00:41:28.020
And this is what shows up and this is what shows up, you know?

755
00:41:28.200 --> 00:41:31.920
And I'm like, I have no problem getting a date.

756
00:41:32.680 --> 00:41:46.160
So you have, I just have a problem with, I have a problem with having like men that are around me actually wanting to like date me like in real life as opposed to like, I have no problem with getting people interested online.

757
00:41:46.720 --> 00:41:46.960
Right.

758
00:41:46.960 --> 00:41:50.400
So you're like, yeah, well, cause you're cute and you're pretty and you're probably nice.

759
00:41:50.400 --> 00:41:52.000
And so you don't know how to get a date.

760
00:41:52.580 --> 00:41:58.220
Um, so are online, are you feeling like you're not attracting your caliber?

761
00:41:58.220 --> 00:42:01.260
And when you say caliber, cause that's what you're kind of referencing here.

762
00:42:01.380 --> 00:42:02.420
Cause I feel you girl.

763
00:42:02.780 --> 00:42:05.900
Like, I think last week I taught you all that I need brain sex.

764
00:42:05.940 --> 00:42:08.340
And so like, you can't be stupid.

765
00:42:09.260 --> 00:42:10.460
Yeah, I can relate to this.

766
00:42:15.540 --> 00:42:17.660
Somebody was like, I've never heard that phrase before.

767
00:42:17.660 --> 00:42:20.060
There's actually a very appropriate term for it.

768
00:42:20.520 --> 00:42:21.280
Sapio.

769
00:42:22.920 --> 00:42:29.280
And when a guy, when a guy put on his profile, I thought he meant the sex version.

770
00:42:29.280 --> 00:42:31.280
And I was like, and then I looked it up.

771
00:42:31.280 --> 00:42:33.040
I'm like, oh, he likes brain sex.

772
00:42:35.840 --> 00:42:37.760
Um, so, okay.

773
00:42:38.600 --> 00:42:39.120
Yeah.

774
00:42:39.160 --> 00:42:43.680
So you're not attracting that online or in person.

775
00:42:43.940 --> 00:42:47.920
So tell me, what do you think, um, is up with that?

776
00:42:47.920 --> 00:42:51.820
Like, have you had anybody give you feedback that know you in real life?

777
00:42:52.300 --> 00:42:56.020
Like, do they say I'm off smart, too smart?

778
00:42:56.040 --> 00:42:59.300
Like, do you, I mean, I am, I'm really smart.

779
00:42:59.700 --> 00:43:01.700
I lead a lot in my community.

780
00:43:01.760 --> 00:43:06.300
I I've had friends tell me that I'm really intimidating and I'm like, that's great.

781
00:43:06.360 --> 00:43:07.840
I don't know what to do about that.

782
00:43:11.020 --> 00:43:11.300
Okay.

783
00:43:11.300 --> 00:43:13.780
So I hear that all the time too.

784
00:43:13.960 --> 00:43:17.080
So here's how I try to lower that.

785
00:43:17.080 --> 00:43:18.040
Cause it's interesting.

786
00:43:18.040 --> 00:43:19.840
I was watching somebody else kind of say this.

787
00:43:20.280 --> 00:43:26.140
When you are a strong, capable, smart woman, you're either going to attract this,

788
00:43:26.140 --> 00:43:30.920
which you just described because he's going to be enamored by this, right?

789
00:43:31.040 --> 00:43:35.840
But you're going to get bored really quickly, or you're going to attract this.

790
00:43:36.160 --> 00:43:37.640
And that's the narcissist.

791
00:43:37.920 --> 00:43:39.760
Cause he's the only one strong.

792
00:43:39.820 --> 00:43:40.580
I get those too.

793
00:43:41.380 --> 00:43:44.380
So he's the only one strong enough to come and get at you.

794
00:43:44.660 --> 00:43:51.260
So what you need to learn how to do is find a way to soften this, to attract this guy.

795
00:43:51.380 --> 00:43:52.960
So you're not attracting this guy.

796
00:43:52.960 --> 00:43:54.260
Cause he's intimidated by you.

797
00:43:54.500 --> 00:43:55.720
This schlep down here.

798
00:43:55.720 --> 00:43:58.540
You're like, how does he have the guts to ask me out?

799
00:43:59.220 --> 00:44:00.980
Cause he could, he's got nothing to lose.

800
00:44:01.020 --> 00:44:02.620
This guy ain't got nothing to lose.

801
00:44:03.100 --> 00:44:04.880
So he's going to like, ask you out.

802
00:44:04.880 --> 00:44:06.340
Cause he's like dying to ask you.

803
00:44:06.340 --> 00:44:07.220
He's like, ah, whatever.

804
00:44:07.220 --> 00:44:08.220
All the girls say no to me.

805
00:44:08.220 --> 00:44:09.620
I knew I'm just going to aim high.

806
00:44:10.060 --> 00:44:12.640
But this guy is the one that's intimidated.

807
00:44:12.640 --> 00:44:15.100
And so he's trying to attract.

808
00:44:15.340 --> 00:44:17.240
So you kind of have to knock it down a little bit.

809
00:44:17.240 --> 00:44:18.620
So it's the subtle things.

810
00:44:18.840 --> 00:44:21.100
So you have to do it in a way I'm still work.

811
00:44:21.100 --> 00:44:23.100
Clearly I'm still working on that too.

812
00:44:23.560 --> 00:44:26.800
So I say to folks, oh, I used to work at a nonprofit.

813
00:44:27.400 --> 00:44:28.780
I don't say anymore.

814
00:44:28.820 --> 00:44:31.060
Oh, I was the CEO of a nonprofit.

815
00:44:31.560 --> 00:44:34.560
Um, I, you know, like I had a married guy say this to me once.

816
00:44:34.560 --> 00:44:37.460
He's like, you know, Renee, cause I was running marathons at the time.

817
00:44:37.660 --> 00:44:39.640
He's like, when you meet a guy, just say you run.

818
00:44:40.140 --> 00:44:42.420
Don't say you just finished your sixth marathon.

819
00:44:44.180 --> 00:44:49.040
And so don't always have the first answer in the room.

820
00:44:49.520 --> 00:44:54.300
Um, if something is going on at church, don't always rise to be the leader.

821
00:44:55.900 --> 00:45:00.100
You know, find ways to not take charge.

822
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.520
charge all the time.

823
00:45:02.520 --> 00:45:09.520
And I say that really delicately because, and I think that's, did you watch the Divine

824
00:45:09.520 --> 00:45:10.520
Feminine?

825
00:45:10.520 --> 00:45:13.120
I'm going, that's my next video.

826
00:45:13.120 --> 00:45:14.120
Okay.

827
00:45:14.120 --> 00:45:17.040
I was doing what you said, which is not watching them all at once.

828
00:45:17.040 --> 00:45:18.040
So.

829
00:45:18.040 --> 00:45:19.040
No, no, no, no, no.

830
00:45:19.040 --> 00:45:20.040
You're fine.

831
00:45:20.040 --> 00:45:22.740
I'm just going to say, because she really kind of unpacks the seven traits of what a

832
00:45:22.740 --> 00:45:24.800
divine feminine is.

833
00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:29.880
And so she kind of tackles this topic, you know, but I will say this.

834
00:45:29.880 --> 00:45:36.480
She's a strong gal like, and she's very strong and she could be really intimidated in it.

835
00:45:36.480 --> 00:45:39.560
I've actually met, you know, David in person.

836
00:45:39.560 --> 00:45:43.960
They actually got together because they were neighbors and they were friends first.

837
00:45:43.960 --> 00:45:49.640
I always wonder, you know, how he would have responded to her on a blind first date.

838
00:45:49.640 --> 00:45:50.920
Do you know what I'm saying?

839
00:45:50.920 --> 00:45:56.640
Like he might, you know, because she's strong, but like he had a chance to get to know her

840
00:45:56.640 --> 00:46:00.360
as a friend and a neighbor and the mother of the girls and his daughter, they were all

841
00:46:00.360 --> 00:46:01.360
hanging out.

842
00:46:01.360 --> 00:46:06.560
And so it allowed him to kind of see that soft side of her because she has a very, very,

843
00:46:06.560 --> 00:46:13.960
you know, very, like all of us strong women have soft sides, especially when we feel safe.

844
00:46:13.960 --> 00:46:21.560
And so we have to do what we can to show up feeling safe.

845
00:46:21.560 --> 00:46:26.400
It's almost like I do better when I go do a yoga class or a workout class before I go

846
00:46:27.160 --> 00:46:32.040
out on a date or to an event because my energy is a little lower and my energy a little lower

847
00:46:32.040 --> 00:46:34.080
is still high energy.

848
00:46:34.080 --> 00:46:37.800
It's just not as high.

849
00:46:37.800 --> 00:46:40.560
So that might be my encouragement to you, Carolyn.

850
00:46:40.560 --> 00:46:45.520
I'm so glad this is actually going to be on the tape because I'm too intimidating.

851
00:46:45.520 --> 00:46:52.280
Men are afraid of me is a very common, very common thing, especially, like I said, I feel

852
00:46:52.280 --> 00:46:57.360
like that when that was explained to me that like that really kind of clicked for me.

853
00:46:57.360 --> 00:46:59.640
And I'm like, God, why am I not finding this guy?

854
00:46:59.640 --> 00:47:03.960
Okay, I've got to find now and you've got to be careful not to do it too much.

855
00:47:03.960 --> 00:47:06.480
Like there was this guy that I was dating long distance.

856
00:47:06.480 --> 00:47:13.640
He saw my picture on single nation and he was clearly like I knew in one video conversation,

857
00:47:13.640 --> 00:47:20.280
he was the B personality type B. I'm type A and he was type B. And so I thought this

858
00:47:20.280 --> 00:47:21.280
is perfect though.

859
00:47:21.280 --> 00:47:23.680
He's going to like, he'll be my calm.

860
00:47:23.680 --> 00:47:27.640
And so I reined me in, but we did, he was very long distance.

861
00:47:27.640 --> 00:47:33.440
So we did a lot of video dates, but it allowed me to be like, like I would literally go do

862
00:47:33.440 --> 00:47:36.280
like meditation before I got on.

863
00:47:36.280 --> 00:47:42.840
So like I could show up really low, but as the weeks went by, my friends were like, you're

864
00:47:42.840 --> 00:47:44.520
not you anymore.

865
00:47:44.520 --> 00:47:48.000
Like they were like, you're coming down too low.

866
00:47:48.000 --> 00:47:55.160
Like you're like, and I realized I wasn't being completely authentic and, or because

867
00:47:55.160 --> 00:48:00.480
it was kind of going over seven weeks, I should have started to reveal myself more and more

868
00:48:00.480 --> 00:48:03.060
like unpack a little bit more of me.

869
00:48:03.060 --> 00:48:06.280
So he had a chance to kind of see that growth.

870
00:48:06.280 --> 00:48:12.640
Probably what happened is I stayed so low that I was starting to get antsy and frustrating.

871
00:48:12.640 --> 00:48:14.400
And he was probably starting to feel the frustration.

872
00:48:14.400 --> 00:48:16.640
And I'm like, dude, it's been seven weeks.

873
00:48:16.640 --> 00:48:17.640
Like chop, chop.

874
00:48:17.640 --> 00:48:18.640
We've got to meet now.

875
00:48:18.640 --> 00:48:19.640
Fly your butt down here.

876
00:48:19.640 --> 00:48:20.640
Come see me.

877
00:48:20.640 --> 00:48:21.640
Like, I mean, that's kind of where I got to.

878
00:48:21.640 --> 00:48:22.640
And he was like, that didn't work.

879
00:48:22.640 --> 00:48:37.080
So you don't want to rein it in too much because you will either explode or implode and you

880
00:48:37.080 --> 00:48:38.360
don't want to do that either.

881
00:48:38.360 --> 00:48:42.100
But it is trying to think about how do I come in softer?

882
00:48:42.100 --> 00:48:47.900
So if you have that strong personality, really pay attention to the Divine Feminine video

883
00:48:47.900 --> 00:48:51.220
and that, and really kind of tap into that.

884
00:48:51.220 --> 00:48:53.860
And, but it is, it is hard.

885
00:48:53.860 --> 00:48:55.940
And I will say this, it's been really humbling.

886
00:48:55.940 --> 00:49:01.620
Like I used to run this nonprofit for 20 years and the last three contracts that I've had,

887
00:49:01.620 --> 00:49:05.900
I'm now doing full-time contract work while I start seminary.

888
00:49:05.900 --> 00:49:09.260
And God has had a funny sense of humor with me.

889
00:49:09.260 --> 00:49:14.100
She is the third woman in a row that I've done contract work who is as strong of a personality

890
00:49:14.100 --> 00:49:15.700
as myself.

891
00:49:15.700 --> 00:49:19.940
And I'm like, Oh, that's what it's like to work with me.

892
00:49:19.940 --> 00:49:22.020
Oh, that's what it's like.

893
00:49:22.020 --> 00:49:28.860
So I've almost watched myself in the women that I've been working with and it's not bad,

894
00:49:28.860 --> 00:49:37.020
but it's making me have some empathy for like how much I need to really kind of not be all

895
00:49:37.020 --> 00:49:39.300
on all the time.

896
00:49:39.300 --> 00:49:41.700
So I, we didn't talk about this at all in the first session.

897
00:49:41.700 --> 00:49:45.980
I just, I feel like this is going to be important for people because I think this community

898
00:49:45.980 --> 00:49:49.900
draws in a lot of strong women who have great careers.

899
00:49:49.900 --> 00:49:50.900
They've been the powerhouse.

900
00:49:50.900 --> 00:49:51.900
They've been the good mom.

901
00:49:51.900 --> 00:49:53.180
They've taken care of their kids.

902
00:49:53.180 --> 00:49:54.220
They're empty nesters.

903
00:49:54.220 --> 00:49:57.780
They're like, they're, they're ready to get their game on.

904
00:49:57.780 --> 00:50:00.020
And you might find a hard.

905
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.720
time getting those dates going than somebody who's a little bit more meek and mild.

906
00:50:06.720 --> 00:50:09.520
And so, I'm glad you brought that up.

907
00:50:09.520 --> 00:50:12.760
I hope that has helped you a little bit to consider.

908
00:50:12.760 --> 00:50:13.760
Awesome.

909
00:50:13.760 --> 00:50:16.920
Elizabeth, did you have a question again?

910
00:50:16.920 --> 00:50:18.600
Is your hand still up?

911
00:50:18.600 --> 00:50:23.600
I did have something to share, but I don't have the opportunity.

912
00:50:23.600 --> 00:50:30.120
So, I've been kind of keeping this on the back burner, but it's kind of vulnerable

913
00:50:30.120 --> 00:50:32.040
for me to share.

914
00:50:32.040 --> 00:50:40.800
It's a bit of a situationship, but at the same time, I am so open for whatever outcome

915
00:50:40.800 --> 00:50:43.000
God has.

916
00:50:43.000 --> 00:50:53.000
Okay, so what initially happened, I had this friend last year, and then doing the heart

917
00:50:53.000 --> 00:50:59.680
work, it was kind of like, well, in my conversations with God, it was like, well, God, I keep attracting

918
00:50:59.680 --> 00:51:04.760
these jerks, these narcissistic traits.

919
00:51:04.760 --> 00:51:13.240
I'm like, God, show me what it looks like practically, and I'll just be real and share.

920
00:51:13.240 --> 00:51:19.800
He flooded me with these memories of my friend from last year, and I just started crying

921
00:51:19.800 --> 00:51:22.560
because I was like, oh my goodness.

922
00:51:23.120 --> 00:51:24.120
So, I prayed about it.

923
00:51:24.120 --> 00:51:29.760
I reached out to him, as you guys say, drop the hanky.

924
00:51:29.760 --> 00:51:36.680
We have definitely a foundation of friendship, but that's a topic that I believe he would

925
00:51:36.680 --> 00:51:39.480
try to escape, avoid.

926
00:51:39.480 --> 00:51:45.880
So there's been no response, and I still have peace in my heart.

927
00:51:45.880 --> 00:51:52.120
So I'm just trusting God, if it's me, that it'll wrap back around and just continue dating

928
00:51:52.120 --> 00:51:58.760
other men and getting to know other men as I wait.

929
00:51:58.760 --> 00:51:59.760
That's perfect.

930
00:51:59.760 --> 00:52:01.320
You know what?

931
00:52:01.320 --> 00:52:04.360
Even if you're not actually, because some of you are going to be like, Renee, I don't

932
00:52:04.360 --> 00:52:05.800
have the time or capacity.

933
00:52:05.800 --> 00:52:06.800
I'm a single mom.

934
00:52:06.800 --> 00:52:08.080
I got to get a sitter.

935
00:52:08.080 --> 00:52:11.880
I don't have the time and capacity to date seven different guys at the same time.

936
00:52:11.880 --> 00:52:16.240
No one is saying that you actually have to do that, but it's having that posture of being

937
00:52:16.240 --> 00:52:19.680
open to it, and I think that's what you were talking about, Elizabeth.

938
00:52:19.680 --> 00:52:25.200
So it's like, because if you're like, because let's face it, if you go on a diet and you're

939
00:52:25.200 --> 00:52:28.560
like, I'm not going to have any chocolate, all you start seeing is chocolate everywhere

940
00:52:28.560 --> 00:52:29.560
you go.

941
00:52:29.560 --> 00:52:31.640
It's like, you see the one thing you can't have.

942
00:52:31.640 --> 00:52:32.640
And so that's what it is.

943
00:52:32.640 --> 00:52:36.800
If there's this one guy that we're kind of interested in, he's just like right there,

944
00:52:36.800 --> 00:52:39.880
and I just can't see anything else.

945
00:52:39.880 --> 00:52:44.760
But if I have the posture that I'm going to be open to any other guys that God might bring

946
00:52:44.760 --> 00:52:50.560
my way, it means I can put hot dude over here.

947
00:52:50.560 --> 00:52:55.840
I'm not getting rid of them, but I just got to get out of my range of vision so I can

948
00:52:55.840 --> 00:52:57.880
start being open to other things.

949
00:52:57.880 --> 00:53:04.320
That's actually going to make us more attractive to actually reel him back in anyway.

950
00:53:04.320 --> 00:53:09.640
I mean, good old Kate Milton got dumped by Prince William.

951
00:53:09.640 --> 00:53:14.400
We all know that she got dumped by him and she cried her little buckets out until she

952
00:53:14.400 --> 00:53:15.880
realized I need to have a life.

953
00:53:15.880 --> 00:53:20.920
And it wasn't until she started going out again that he like swooped back in.

954
00:53:20.920 --> 00:53:33.280
I even went on a date with one of his friends, so I do have an open heart posture.

955
00:53:33.280 --> 00:53:34.280
Good.

956
00:53:34.280 --> 00:53:37.920
And I said this at the beginning and I said this at the last session, and Jackie always

957
00:53:37.920 --> 00:53:38.920
says this too.

958
00:53:38.920 --> 00:53:43.200
It's always important to remember, you guys, like we are not God, we can't mess this up.

959
00:53:43.200 --> 00:53:48.120
Like if God has somebody for us, and I will say this, I'm a believer now that God has

960
00:53:48.120 --> 00:53:49.520
more than one person for us.

961
00:53:49.520 --> 00:53:51.740
He has a lot of possibilities for us.

962
00:53:51.740 --> 00:53:54.080
We live in a world of free will.

963
00:53:54.080 --> 00:53:59.040
God wants us to freely choose our career, our destiny, and the things that we do.

964
00:53:59.040 --> 00:54:01.000
I don't think he only has one plan for us.

965
00:54:01.000 --> 00:54:06.840
I think he has gifted us so talented that we could do a number of things and do them

966
00:54:06.840 --> 00:54:07.840
with excellence.

967
00:54:07.840 --> 00:54:10.840
And I'm like, all right, here's all the things Renee can do.

968
00:54:10.840 --> 00:54:13.720
I'm going to kind of see what she does with it.

969
00:54:13.720 --> 00:54:16.660
Here are the guys that Renee would be best suited for.

970
00:54:16.660 --> 00:54:22.440
Because if there were only one career, only one destiny, only one guy, we would both have

971
00:54:22.440 --> 00:54:25.960
to do it right the whole time to get together.

972
00:54:25.960 --> 00:54:29.600
And you guys, I have seen some of the godliest marriages.

973
00:54:29.600 --> 00:54:32.280
Like there was this one, when I was on staff at the church, there was this couple, they

974
00:54:32.280 --> 00:54:33.760
were married 50 years.

975
00:54:33.760 --> 00:54:35.360
She died of cancer.

976
00:54:35.360 --> 00:54:36.360
I'm not kidding.

977
00:54:36.360 --> 00:54:41.080
Less than two years later, that stinker, he managed to find another amazing woman so fast.

978
00:54:41.080 --> 00:54:45.720
I'm like, oh my gosh, she was also amazing.

979
00:54:45.720 --> 00:54:49.880
And it just goes to show you that God can bring more than one person into your life.

980
00:54:49.880 --> 00:54:53.600
And so if it's not this guy, Elizabeth, it's going to be a guy.

981
00:54:53.600 --> 00:54:54.960
You can't mess it up.

982
00:54:54.960 --> 00:54:55.960
You can't mess it up.

983
00:54:55.960 --> 00:54:58.720
God's going to, we just have to trust that.

984
00:54:58.720 --> 00:55:00.040
And I think, for those of us.

985
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.280
that are boss babes and powerful, strong women,

986
00:55:03.280 --> 00:55:06.240
we have been the controllers of our life.

987
00:55:06.240 --> 00:55:09.440
And this was really hard for me because,

988
00:55:09.440 --> 00:55:11.800
and I told you that my relationship with my dad

989
00:55:11.800 --> 00:55:13.080
was complicated.

990
00:55:13.080 --> 00:55:16.440
He was not there financially, emotionally, spiritually

991
00:55:16.440 --> 00:55:18.640
as a leader, not in the home, not in the family,

992
00:55:18.640 --> 00:55:21.160
not in the marriage, he just wasn't.

993
00:55:21.160 --> 00:55:23.160
He is healed and restored on the other side.

994
00:55:23.160 --> 00:55:24.840
So when I get to see him in heaven,

995
00:55:24.840 --> 00:55:26.840
I get to see that redeemed person

996
00:55:26.840 --> 00:55:28.360
and I'm excited to meet that person.

997
00:55:28.360 --> 00:55:30.080
But all that to say, I started working

998
00:55:30.080 --> 00:55:31.320
by the time I was 12 years old.

999
00:55:31.320 --> 00:55:34.040
I'm a Gen X-er, I was babysitting other babies

1000
00:55:34.040 --> 00:55:36.480
by the time I was 12, it's really crazy.

1001
00:55:36.480 --> 00:55:38.800
And so I put myself through college

1002
00:55:38.800 --> 00:55:40.960
and then I ran a company for 20 years.

1003
00:55:40.960 --> 00:55:44.160
I haven't had to be submissive under a guy,

1004
00:55:44.160 --> 00:55:47.080
like practically never in my life.

1005
00:55:47.080 --> 00:55:49.200
And so it's gonna really,

1006
00:55:49.200 --> 00:55:51.080
so God's been really kind of teaching me

1007
00:55:51.080 --> 00:55:53.080
to kind of fall into that submissive.

1008
00:55:53.080 --> 00:55:55.640
So if you kind of fallen into that role,

1009
00:55:55.640 --> 00:55:58.040
you might think you're the ones that have to control

1010
00:55:58.720 --> 00:56:00.040
your entire dating life.

1011
00:56:00.040 --> 00:56:02.400
And so that's where Jackie says,

1012
00:56:02.400 --> 00:56:05.280
give the pen back to God, give the pen back to God,

1013
00:56:05.280 --> 00:56:07.000
give the pen back to God.

1014
00:56:07.000 --> 00:56:09.440
So if you start to in this phase,

1015
00:56:09.440 --> 00:56:11.440
start to go crazy going, what do I need to do?

1016
00:56:11.440 --> 00:56:12.280
What do I need to do?

1017
00:56:12.280 --> 00:56:13.120
What do I need to do?

1018
00:56:13.120 --> 00:56:14.960
Maybe you're supposed to do nothing.

1019
00:56:14.960 --> 00:56:17.320
Like maybe it's do nothing,

1020
00:56:17.320 --> 00:56:19.200
especially for those that are overachievers.

1021
00:56:19.200 --> 00:56:21.040
Now, for those of you that have sat on the couch

1022
00:56:21.040 --> 00:56:22.200
and in the waiting room,

1023
00:56:22.200 --> 00:56:23.960
you might be called to do something.

1024
00:56:23.960 --> 00:56:26.600
So don't hear, oh good, Renee just said

1025
00:56:26.600 --> 00:56:28.880
I get to eat bonbons and watch Netflix.

1026
00:56:28.880 --> 00:56:30.920
That's not what I said.

1027
00:56:30.920 --> 00:56:34.040
I'm specifically talking to the people who do too much.

1028
00:56:34.040 --> 00:56:35.680
You need to rein it in.

1029
00:56:35.680 --> 00:56:37.880
But for those of you that aren't doing enough,

1030
00:56:37.880 --> 00:56:39.560
you have to get off the couch.

1031
00:56:42.280 --> 00:56:43.800
Oh good, Tricia.

1032
00:56:43.800 --> 00:56:44.640
I love it.

1033
00:56:44.640 --> 00:56:46.960
I never know what I'm gonna say in these sessions.

1034
00:56:46.960 --> 00:56:49.440
And so I always feel like Holy Spirit shows up

1035
00:56:49.440 --> 00:56:51.800
and you guys get to hear exactly

1036
00:56:51.800 --> 00:56:52.800
what you're supposed to hear.

1037
00:56:52.800 --> 00:56:53.640
Maria.

1038
00:56:54.640 --> 00:56:57.640
You mentioned earlier that you are in ministry

1039
00:56:57.640 --> 00:56:59.960
and so I have my own ministry.

1040
00:57:01.640 --> 00:57:03.800
I tend to be afraid to mention it

1041
00:57:03.800 --> 00:57:06.640
because it's a soul care ministry

1042
00:57:06.640 --> 00:57:10.360
that helps women who are survivors

1043
00:57:10.360 --> 00:57:13.160
of childhood sexual abuse, which is my testimony.

1044
00:57:13.160 --> 00:57:16.160
And I have a published book and I'm a speaker.

1045
00:57:16.160 --> 00:57:19.520
And so I'm not popular by any means,

1046
00:57:19.520 --> 00:57:22.960
but it's out there and I've been on TV interviews

1047
00:57:23.760 --> 00:57:27.880
and stuff, but is it okay to not disclose that?

1048
00:57:27.880 --> 00:57:30.160
Yeah, I mean, same in all of that.

1049
00:57:30.160 --> 00:57:33.480
I have a book out, I do podcasts, I do interviews.

1050
00:57:33.480 --> 00:57:35.400
If they Googled me enough,

1051
00:57:36.400 --> 00:57:39.360
like if all you have to do is type in Renee in Nashville

1052
00:57:39.360 --> 00:57:42.560
and you can find about me pretty darn quickly.

1053
00:57:42.560 --> 00:57:44.400
So I don't disclose all of that.

1054
00:57:44.400 --> 00:57:47.320
I say things like, oh, you know, I do some writing

1055
00:57:47.320 --> 00:57:48.360
and I do some speaking.

1056
00:57:48.360 --> 00:57:51.040
What about, you know, just about, I would pick a word.

1057
00:57:51.040 --> 00:57:54.000
You could just say, you know, it could be about redemption.

1058
00:57:54.000 --> 00:57:55.880
I just, you know, I speak on redemption.

1059
00:57:55.880 --> 00:57:58.200
So mine is, I speak on hope.

1060
00:57:58.200 --> 00:58:01.280
That's as much information as I give about it.

1061
00:58:01.280 --> 00:58:02.120
I speak on hope.

1062
00:58:02.120 --> 00:58:04.240
You know, I speak, you know, you're like, I speak on,

1063
00:58:04.240 --> 00:58:06.240
you know, I just, you know, I do some ministry.

1064
00:58:06.240 --> 00:58:09.160
I do some ministry and some writing and speaking

1065
00:58:09.160 --> 00:58:12.440
on the topic of, you know, restoration.

1066
00:58:12.440 --> 00:58:13.680
What, oh, tell me more about that.

1067
00:58:13.680 --> 00:58:15.240
You know what, there's plenty of time

1068
00:58:15.240 --> 00:58:17.040
for me to tell you all about that.

1069
00:58:17.040 --> 00:58:19.440
You know, it's, you know, it's deeply personal

1070
00:58:19.440 --> 00:58:22.600
and, you know, I'll be happy to share that

1071
00:58:22.600 --> 00:58:24.000
at a more appropriate time.

1072
00:58:24.000 --> 00:58:25.200
That's how I would say it.

1073
00:58:25.200 --> 00:58:29.080
So you're kind of not denying a very big part of you.

1074
00:58:29.080 --> 00:58:32.000
Because if I, because if you didn't disclose it at all,

1075
00:58:32.000 --> 00:58:34.920
Maria, you would not be authentic, right?

1076
00:58:34.920 --> 00:58:37.880
And so, because I have met some men

1077
00:58:37.880 --> 00:58:39.320
who didn't know any of that.

1078
00:58:39.320 --> 00:58:41.640
But then when they met, I used to joke, it's like,

1079
00:58:41.640 --> 00:58:43.080
oh, I started dating this guy,

1080
00:58:43.080 --> 00:58:44.720
but then he met Hope Clinic Renee

1081
00:58:44.720 --> 00:58:46.920
and then Hope Clinic Renee scared the crap out of him.

1082
00:58:46.920 --> 00:58:48.800
Like, so I just, I learned,

1083
00:58:48.840 --> 00:58:50.400
like, I don't wanna lead with it,

1084
00:58:50.400 --> 00:58:52.880
but I can't hide it either.

1085
00:58:52.880 --> 00:58:55.040
And he needs to be okay with that.

1086
00:58:55.040 --> 00:58:57.600
And so you're gonna want a tender heart.

1087
00:58:57.600 --> 00:58:59.480
You're gonna want somebody who's got a tender heart

1088
00:58:59.480 --> 00:59:01.520
that's gonna support that.

1089
00:59:01.520 --> 00:59:03.520
So I think that's how I would say,

1090
00:59:03.520 --> 00:59:05.160
and I would keep it really simple.

1091
00:59:05.160 --> 00:59:08.240
And you guys, that's true for any topic.

1092
00:59:08.240 --> 00:59:10.280
Why did you get divorced?

1093
00:59:10.280 --> 00:59:11.760
Why are you still single, Renee?

1094
00:59:11.760 --> 00:59:13.200
Why did you never get married?

1095
00:59:13.200 --> 00:59:15.320
You know what, that's a great question.

1096
00:59:15.320 --> 00:59:16.680
My short answer is this.

1097
00:59:16.680 --> 00:59:19.600
I always say my short answer is this.

1098
00:59:19.600 --> 00:59:22.160
You know, like my short answer is

1099
00:59:22.160 --> 00:59:24.360
I had a complicated relationship with my dad.

1100
00:59:24.360 --> 00:59:25.800
That is all you guys know about it.

1101
00:59:25.800 --> 00:59:29.200
You guys don't, like, I don't owe you the entire story.

1102
00:59:29.200 --> 00:59:30.040
And that is true.

1103
00:59:30.040 --> 00:59:32.240
You know what, the short answer is,

1104
00:59:32.240 --> 00:59:34.240
you know, sometimes I make great choices

1105
00:59:34.240 --> 00:59:35.560
and sometimes he, you know,

1106
00:59:35.560 --> 00:59:37.640
sometimes I didn't make great choices,

1107
00:59:37.640 --> 00:59:38.760
but I'm really thankful

1108
00:59:38.760 --> 00:59:40.520
that I'm in a season of my life right now

1109
00:59:40.520 --> 00:59:44.440
that I can really kind of go all in and find my person.

1110
00:59:44.440 --> 00:59:46.320
Like, so that's how I answer,

1111
00:59:46.360 --> 00:59:47.760
why did you never get married?

1112
00:59:47.760 --> 00:59:49.680
Like, I used to feel really guilt

1113
00:59:49.680 --> 00:59:51.440
and shame and embarrassed about it.

1114
00:59:51.440 --> 00:59:53.000
Now I'm just like, you know what?

1115
00:59:53.000 --> 00:59:55.320
At this point, all I'll share is that, you know,

1116
00:59:55.320 --> 00:59:57.920
sometimes I made great choices and sometimes I didn't.

1117
00:59:57.920 --> 01:00:00.000
I'm just really blessed that God really.

1118
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.480
realized my singleness and other areas of my life as a coach and as a mentor and, you

1119
01:00:05.480 --> 01:00:09.560
know, kind of working in ministry, but now I'm really excited that the focus is kind

1120
01:00:09.560 --> 01:00:13.440
of back on me and I really have the time to put into a relationship like I've never had

1121
01:00:13.440 --> 01:00:17.740
before. So I'm super excited about this phase. That sounds really different. I've given you

1122
01:00:17.740 --> 01:00:22.080
a window to that answer. And for those of you that are single parents, you might feel

1123
01:00:22.080 --> 01:00:26.520
like I don't want to tell them all about my children. You know, I have kids like I, I

1124
01:00:26.520 --> 01:00:31.000
will say this. I think it's weird when people don't mention if they have kids when you're

1125
01:00:31.000 --> 01:00:36.680
first meeting. It just, to me, it's like a big thing to not disclose. Like, you know,

1126
01:00:36.680 --> 01:00:40.280
I do have kids, you know, I have kids that still live at home. I can talk to you more

1127
01:00:40.280 --> 01:00:46.120
about them at another time. You haven't mentioned if it's boys, girls, the age now. And so you

1128
01:00:46.120 --> 01:00:51.120
guys get to share as much as you want. You're always allowed to say, here's the short answer.

1129
01:00:51.120 --> 01:00:56.600
I'll be happy to tell you more as we get to know each other. That's a great way to

1130
01:00:56.600 --> 01:01:00.520
not, cause I think it's almost weird when we be like, oh, I can't answer that question.

1131
01:01:00.520 --> 01:01:07.800
It's too soon. That just feels a little like push. And so I want to try not to push back

1132
01:01:07.800 --> 01:01:12.040
on them too much, but I definitely want to go yet. No, I'm not going to tell that to

1133
01:01:12.040 --> 01:01:17.240
like, all right, that's good. Anyone last question. It's right at the top of the hour.

1134
01:01:17.240 --> 01:01:22.080
So I'm not going to force you all to stay. But I did want to make sure everybody had

1135
01:01:22.080 --> 01:01:26.840
a chance to ask a question. How long does this meeting go? Well, Margaret, I'm getting

1136
01:01:26.840 --> 01:01:32.000
ready to close shop. So there you go, girlfriend. I just wanted to make sure, okay, well, we

1137
01:01:32.000 --> 01:01:36.600
have no more questions. Awesome. Well, you guys, I'm so excited that we got to spend

1138
01:01:36.600 --> 01:01:43.320
some time together tonight and keep watching the videos. These check-ins are for you. So

1139
01:01:43.320 --> 01:01:48.840
whatever questions you have during the week, write them down, come ready to ask them. If

1140
01:01:48.840 --> 01:01:52.360
you see somebody else write something in the post and you're like, oh my gosh, I didn't

1141
01:01:52.360 --> 01:01:56.800
think about that. Feel free to bring that up too. Like if you see other people saying

1142
01:01:56.800 --> 01:02:01.520
stuff and it adds confusion, feel free to ask for clarification here. So this is your

1143
01:02:01.520 --> 01:02:06.760
time to use it however you want to do it. So I'm super excited for y'all. Have a great

1144
01:02:06.760 --> 01:02:12.640
week, be blessed and go have a good day. Even if you only take yourself out on a date, take

1145
01:02:12.640 --> 01:02:15.520
yourself out on a date. Bye you guys.