WEBVTT

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All right, so welcome.

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Welcome to January's edition of Love Seats.

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If you have never been to a Love Seat before,

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this is where we talk about all things love,

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all things relationships, all things dating,

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and brave souls volunteer as tribute

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to get into what we call the Love Seat,

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meaning that you're gonna discuss your question

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or your situation or your situation ship,

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maybe your delulu ship, your delusional ship with us, okay?

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Your maybe level three, level four situation with us

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in the Love Seat for everyone to hear.

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So you're gonna do one-on-one coaching with me.

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We're also gonna have phase two coach Renee Rizzo with us.

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She's here because we invited our phase two girlies

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to join us.

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And so hopefully they're coming over and we'll know

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because this number should go way up.

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It's only 63.

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All right, so I see people are already having questions,

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which is great.

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So we'll go ahead and let's just start off strong.

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Let's go ahead and go with Stacy McVean, Austin, Texas.

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What do you got?

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Hello, everybody.

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So it was a conversation.

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So I met this man, his name is Chad, on Facebook dating.

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He lives a couple, three hours away,

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which is near some friends that I have.

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And we, within like a couple of days,

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we got on the phone and we had a chat.

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We had an hour long chat.

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I thought he was interesting, all of the things.

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So then he's like, hey, let's jump off the app

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and let's continue to chat.

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And I wouldn't mind coming to Austin and seeing you.

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I said, well, I'll actually be there

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at the end of the February.

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And so we kind of talked like that.

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So then I didn't hear from him for three days,

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which is not a big deal.

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But I just sent him a, hey, dropped a little hanky.

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Hey, happy Saturday, how you doing?

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And so he's like, I'm actually in the middle

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of a messy rainstorm.

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I'm driving to Kentucky,

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because that's where he's got some extended family

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that live there.

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I said, oh, okay, praying for you, safe travels.

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And that was it.

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And then he actually texted me when he got there

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and said, thank you for praying.

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I'm here, I'm safe.

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And I said, okay, so clap.

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So then I haven't heard from him at all.

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And so I'm wondering, should I drop another hanky

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or should I wait until I know that I am going there

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in February and be like, hey,

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I'll be there in a couple of days.

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You wanna meet up for a coffee, something like that.

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Okay, so you guys, let's unpack this, all right?

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So he lives near friends of yours,

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but your friends don't know him, correct?

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No, no, no, no.

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This is, we met online.

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You met online.

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Okay, so here's the thing.

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So they met, they chatted, they talked,

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they went off the app, they chatted and talked.

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He's like, hey, let's get together.

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And then first of all, I just wanna let you know,

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how far away is it?

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Like two and a half, three hours.

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Okay, so when someone says, let's get together,

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we don't say, let's get together at the end of February.

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That's a long time from now, y'all.

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And in dating life, that's a long time from now.

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That's like a whole month from now, right?

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And so it's like, hey, yeah.

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Especially if the man, and we have gentlemen on here,

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this is a co-ed situation.

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If the man is like saying, hey, let's get together,

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then it's like, yeah, let's get together, okay?

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I know it's easier and more convenient to do it

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when you're already going there, but guess what?

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That can be your second date when you go

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and you go down there for that.

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Then, okay, so then let's look at the rest of the evidence.

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Okay, the evidence is that she didn't hear from him

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for a couple of days.

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He may have thought she wasn't that interesting.

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She's like, oh, hey, let's get together

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at the end of February.

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But also it sounds like he was preparing for a trip

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because he lives in Texas and he's going to Kentucky.

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I've had, I, you know, I drive to,

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I used to drive to Nashville a lot from Austin

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and that's a far drive.

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Okay, that's a really far drive.

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And so he, so she messages him.

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She drops the hanky because she hasn't heard from him,

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finds out he's on a road trip to Kentucky.

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And now we know he's in Kentucky

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because he told us he got there safe.

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That's why you're not hearing from him

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because he's visiting family.

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You know, he's out of pocket.

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He's visiting family.

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He's busy.

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He's doing something in Kentucky, you know?

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And so I don't think that's a big deal.

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And so when he said, thanks for praying I got there safe,

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what did you say back?

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So glad, enjoy your family.

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Exactly, and he's like doing exactly

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what you told him to do.

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He's enjoying his family, right?

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I would have added, you guys, if it was me,

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cause I'm a flirty girl, I would have added,

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oh, so glad, you know, enjoy your family.

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Call me on your way home, you know,

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or like text me on your way home.

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You know, you get bored on that long drive on the way home,

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you know, text me.

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and I'll keep you company.

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That's what I would say, all right?

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That way it's in his mind.

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Now, is he going to get in touch with her on the way home?

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Maybe if he thinks of it, hopefully,

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and you do have an opportunity to,

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we don't know how long he's gonna be gone.

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He didn't tell us how long his trip was.

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He didn't tell us anything.

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And so you guys always take the initiative

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to let someone know that, hey,

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I'm available to hang out if you wanna hang out.

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And that goes for men as well.

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If she's like, hey, this is a busy time,

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and maybe it's a single mom, and she had her kids,

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and you know that she's not gonna have her kids

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in a few days, be like, hey,

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enjoy your time with your kids.

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Yeah, I know that they need your full focus,

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but when they go back to dads, I'm available to chat.

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Always leave the door open.

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You guys, get that right now.

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Make that your mantra.

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Leave the door open.

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You wanna know why?

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Because so many people have rejection issues.

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And even though we think

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that we're not sending out rejection vibes,

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people that have been rejected before,

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or divorced, or have had hard relationships,

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they have filters on.

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Not everyone's in here doing their hard work.

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Does that make them a bad person?

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No.

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Does that make them not a viable candidate for your heart?

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No.

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As long as they're teachable,

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as long as they're willing to move through those filters

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and those blind spots, but they have them.

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And so that's why if someone's like,

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hey, let's get together,

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and you're enjoying them and you're attracted,

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yes, let's.

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Because, guess why?

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Because people have had experiences in the past

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where when someone's like, hey, yeah,

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maybe in a couple of weeks,

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that's code for I don't like you.

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Or that's code for I'm not that interested.

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Or that's code for I'm talking to 50 other people

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on this app, and we'll see, you know?

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And so always act enthusiastic.

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Gentlemen, not too enthusiastic.

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Ladies, very open and enthusiastic.

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And the reason why I say gentlemen not too enthusiastic

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is because women, they want you,

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look, we want you to be very attentive,

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and we want you to be very intentional.

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So be attentive and intentional.

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But we do like a little bit of the James Dean kind of thing.

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Like you're like, hey, you know, I'd like to take you out.

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Like, hey, what are you doing Saturday night?

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And then if she goes, I don't know,

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you're like, well, I know.

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You're gonna go to dinner with me, you know?

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I like that.

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Any other ladies like that?

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I like that, you know?

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And then you might ask her, you know,

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do you have any food allergies?

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What kind of food do you like?

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Okay, yeah, say it to me.

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So Jackie, do you think that I should send him a message

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in a couple of days?

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Hey, how was your trip?

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Can't wait to hear about it.

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When can you chat?

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Or is that too much?

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You can send him a couple.

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You could send him, you know,

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how long has it been since the last exchange?

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Saturday.

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And he said, he's like,

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I'm making a last minute trip to Kentucky.

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So I don't think he had this planned.

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I think-

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So the thing is, is he doesn't know you well enough

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to tell you like deep things.

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So maybe someone's sick or maybe someone passed.

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I don't know.

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When we make a last minute trip,

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a lot of times it's not a good reason.

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I hope it's a good reason.

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You know, maybe, you know, maybe it is a good reason,

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but yeah.

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So, and you guys, those are all open doors.

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When someone says to us, you know,

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I'm making a last minute trip.

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You'd be like, I hope it's all good news.

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You know, we just, we're not being nosy.

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We're just, we're leaving the door open for conversation.

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All right, remember you guys,

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I went to college to be a mental health counselor,

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to be a psychologist.

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And so some of the courses that you take,

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when you go to school to be any kind of health,

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you know, mental health worker,

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is learning how to have open-ended conversations

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so that people aren't giving yes, no answers,

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inviting people to communicate,

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inviting people to tell you more without being pushy,

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without being nosy, but just leaving the door open.

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So it's called active listening, right?

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It's called mirroring.

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It's called, and don't get too weird with it

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because you don't want them to think

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that they're talking to their therapist.

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But at the same time, you know,

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you do want to always leave the door open.

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Like, hey, I'm interested.

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I'm interested.

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Okay, now we don't wanna go over into anxious attachment.

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If you haven't heard from someone,

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you guys, this really happened just recently,

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but you know, texting, texting, texting them

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because you haven't heard from them in a couple hours,

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like text after text, after text, after text.

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And they were like at the dentist or something.

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You're having a great conversation and they fall off.

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And then you send one text like,

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hey, you know, where'd you go?

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Nothing.

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And then.

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15 minutes later, okay fine, if you don't like me anymore, then just say so. No y'all, you just went

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off the cliff. You know, maybe they're in the shower, you know, possibly they're in an appointment

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of some sort, but raise your hand if you go, if you go ham, raise your hand if you go level 10

261
00:10:22.400 --> 00:10:30.480
DEF CON, sending out the search and rescue team. Come on, who's the anxious attachers?

262
00:10:31.920 --> 00:10:35.840
You're liking someone and you're talking a lot and then all of a sudden you don't

263
00:10:35.840 --> 00:10:38.480
hear from them for a couple hours and then you assume the worst.

264
00:10:40.640 --> 00:10:45.280
Okay, there's there's a couple people, there's a couple people for sure. Now you guys, the other

265
00:10:45.280 --> 00:10:49.200
thing that I want to tell you, because all of us are all of us are old enough to know better here,

266
00:10:49.840 --> 00:10:56.240
we do have some people that are in their 30s and early 30s, but most everyone in our community

267
00:10:56.800 --> 00:11:04.640
is, you know, over 37 years old. Okay, in your 40s, 50s, 60s. This is what I want to tell you

268
00:11:04.640 --> 00:11:09.680
about men. My husband, I'm married to a 52 year old man. I know, scandalous, right? He's robbing

269
00:11:09.680 --> 00:11:16.800
the cradle. How did this even happen? So if you don't get that joke, then you don't know me very

270
00:11:16.800 --> 00:11:25.360
well because I'm almost 52. So he does not text well. He's a horrible texter, just really bad at

271
00:11:25.360 --> 00:11:30.240
it. You know, everyone in our family says the same thing. And you know, when we were next to

272
00:11:30.240 --> 00:11:35.520
our neighbors, texting was a thing. 17 years ago, texting was already a thing. And he was just

273
00:11:35.520 --> 00:11:41.840
really bad at texting. And when he did text, it was like one or two word answers. And he liked me,

274
00:11:41.840 --> 00:11:48.400
obviously y'all were married. Okay? So do not judge people by their ability to communicate

275
00:11:48.400 --> 00:11:54.560
over technology. What you want to know is what do they communicate like in person?

276
00:11:55.600 --> 00:12:00.880
In person, are they interested in you? In person, do they ask you questions? In person, are they

277
00:12:01.520 --> 00:12:07.440
actively listening? That's what you want to know. I just met with a couple today. I had coffee with

278
00:12:07.440 --> 00:12:14.320
them. They're getting married. So excited. I'll let her announce her news to y'all because she's

279
00:12:14.320 --> 00:12:24.320
one of ours. And you know, they're older. They're in their 60s. And you know, you can't judge,

280
00:12:24.960 --> 00:12:33.200
especially men, by their conversational skills over technology. Okay? All right. So Stacey,

281
00:12:33.760 --> 00:12:42.640
um, keep us posted on this. Uh, we'll wait and see if he messages back. But I think what you

282
00:12:42.640 --> 00:12:48.160
could do is when February 1st rolls around, which is in a couple of days, and that's the

283
00:12:48.160 --> 00:12:55.600
month that you're coming to visit right down there, be like, um, wow, February is here already.

284
00:12:55.600 --> 00:12:59.600
I don't know if you're back from Kentucky yet, but I'm looking forward to coming down there.

285
00:12:59.600 --> 00:13:07.120
You know, um, I'm looking forward to, uh, to my trip down to your neck of the woods and, um,

286
00:13:07.840 --> 00:13:11.840
hope we can hang out then, you know, hope we can hang out then. Or maybe we can even hang

287
00:13:11.840 --> 00:13:17.040
out before then. I would just open the door and February 1st is where you can open the door

288
00:13:17.040 --> 00:13:24.240
without it seeming too weird. Cool. Yep. I'll keep you posted. We're so sneaky y'all, but in a good

289
00:13:24.240 --> 00:13:28.720
way. Yeah. In a good way. Right. And I had a, I had a good conversation with them. I was like,

290
00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:33.200
this is the best conversation I've had in a long time. So I don't want to just let it float away.

291
00:13:33.200 --> 00:13:36.880
And you said that, right? You're like, Hey, this is a great conversation. Yes. I'm like,

292
00:13:36.880 --> 00:13:40.720
I've really enjoyed this conversation and looking forward to chatting more.

293
00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:44.240
Okay. And this is what I want you to do. So, cause Stacy, you're a boss, babe.

294
00:13:44.960 --> 00:13:49.280
And so I don't know what you sound like when you're talking to him, but the way you're

295
00:13:49.280 --> 00:13:56.800
relaying it to me sounds very professional. And so I want you to find, you know, your inner flirty

296
00:13:56.800 --> 00:14:03.120
girl. Okay. And I want you to, I want you to lean into your feminine that way, because for those of

297
00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:07.840
you that are professionals and Stacy has been a professional at a huge organization for years and

298
00:14:07.840 --> 00:14:14.880
years and years and years. And so we got to take that hat off. We're not, we're not at a LinkedIn

299
00:14:14.880 --> 00:14:23.440
dinner. Okay. We're not, that's not where we are. This is, you know, us in the, in the woo factory.

300
00:14:23.440 --> 00:14:28.480
We want, we want the wooing to happen here. And so, and you guys are going to have a class

301
00:14:28.480 --> 00:14:32.960
on flirting. We are going to have a class on flirting in February. So get ready for that.

302
00:14:33.920 --> 00:14:38.880
Okay. So Stacy's going to keep us posted February 1st. Okay. So now you guys see how it works.

303
00:14:38.880 --> 00:14:43.120
You can put up questions in the chat. Renee, are you here too yet?

304
00:14:43.920 --> 00:14:49.840
I know Renee was trying to divert all the, all the phase two girlies over here.

305
00:14:52.080 --> 00:14:55.920
I am here. I am here. Okay. Okay. Good. All right.

306
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:02.240
So she's here too, so she can weigh in.

307
00:15:03.180 --> 00:15:07.020
And we can have someone else jump in the love seat.

308
00:15:07.020 --> 00:15:09.180
Remember short, brief and powerful with the backstory.

309
00:15:09.180 --> 00:15:11.180
So a lot of people can get in the love seat

310
00:15:11.180 --> 00:15:13.340
or we can just go ahead and take some questions

311
00:15:13.340 --> 00:15:14.820
from the gallery.

312
00:15:14.820 --> 00:15:16.820
Let's see if there are any questions in the gallery.

313
00:15:16.820 --> 00:15:17.940
Rene, do you see any?

314
00:15:23.940 --> 00:15:24.780
Sabrina has a question.

315
00:15:24.780 --> 00:15:28.300
I can ask a question instead of typing it.

316
00:15:28.300 --> 00:15:29.140
Yeah, you can.

317
00:15:29.140 --> 00:15:31.540
Sabrina has one too, so go ahead, Melissa Joy.

318
00:15:31.540 --> 00:15:34.240
And then Sabrina, you be in the queue

319
00:15:34.240 --> 00:15:36.580
right after Melissa Joy, go ahead.

320
00:15:36.580 --> 00:15:39.540
Okay, so there's this guy from church.

321
00:15:39.540 --> 00:15:41.180
I've no recording in progress.

322
00:15:43.660 --> 00:15:48.300
And all of us, and we don't really move in the same circles

323
00:15:48.300 --> 00:15:51.040
but all of a sudden we started moving in the same circles

324
00:15:51.040 --> 00:15:56.040
and showing up to a lot of the same events.

325
00:15:56.880 --> 00:16:01.640
And definitely a little bit interested in him

326
00:16:01.640 --> 00:16:04.680
but not really wanting to go there

327
00:16:04.680 --> 00:16:07.760
cause he's significantly younger, but-

328
00:16:07.760 --> 00:16:09.040
Okay, wait, first of all,

329
00:16:09.040 --> 00:16:11.400
I need to know what significantly younger means.

330
00:16:11.400 --> 00:16:13.000
16 years.

331
00:16:13.000 --> 00:16:14.920
Okay, and how old are you?

332
00:16:14.920 --> 00:16:16.560
46.

333
00:16:16.560 --> 00:16:18.200
Okay, so he's 30.

334
00:16:18.200 --> 00:16:19.680
He just turned 30, yeah.

335
00:16:19.680 --> 00:16:20.880
Okay, go ahead.

336
00:16:20.880 --> 00:16:25.560
Okay, so we started texting a lot

337
00:16:26.040 --> 00:16:28.840
just friendly, a lot of the same events.

338
00:16:28.840 --> 00:16:33.040
And then I haven't heard from him in like three weeks

339
00:16:33.960 --> 00:16:34.920
but I was just having dinner

340
00:16:34.920 --> 00:16:36.200
from one of the girls at the group.

341
00:16:36.200 --> 00:16:38.000
And I was like, oh my gosh, I really like him.

342
00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:39.840
And she's like, yeah, and he really likes you too.

343
00:16:39.840 --> 00:16:42.960
And so I'm thinking of reaching out to him

344
00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:45.840
but I don't know, 16 years, crazy.

345
00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:50.280
I mean, you guys, it's not about age, it's about season.

346
00:16:50.280 --> 00:16:53.920
Now, are there some things that will have to be overcome

347
00:16:53.920 --> 00:16:56.560
with that much of an age difference as you get older?

348
00:16:56.560 --> 00:16:58.520
Like right now it's no big deal at all

349
00:16:58.520 --> 00:17:01.320
because you're a very young 46,

350
00:17:01.320 --> 00:17:04.000
no one would look at you and think you're 46 years old.

351
00:17:04.000 --> 00:17:06.280
Not that 46 years old is old, it's not,

352
00:17:06.280 --> 00:17:07.520
it's younger than me.

353
00:17:07.520 --> 00:17:10.960
And so, but at the same time,

354
00:17:10.960 --> 00:17:13.800
as when you're 56 and he's 40,

355
00:17:15.160 --> 00:17:19.079
or you're 66, cause we're thinking marriage, right?

356
00:17:19.079 --> 00:17:22.599
And so, yeah, so that stuff starts to happen at that age

357
00:17:22.599 --> 00:17:24.440
where you can start feeling like someone's mom.

358
00:17:24.440 --> 00:17:27.079
You could start, people might start mistaking you

359
00:17:27.079 --> 00:17:29.720
for your husband's mother, things like that.

360
00:17:29.720 --> 00:17:32.640
And so there'll just be things that you have to,

361
00:17:32.640 --> 00:17:34.360
and I know that you're committed to health and wellness

362
00:17:34.360 --> 00:17:36.560
and I know that you're gonna stay youthful

363
00:17:36.560 --> 00:17:37.960
far into the future.

364
00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:42.360
But you guys, I do definitely see May, December romances

365
00:17:42.360 --> 00:17:44.520
which would probably be 20 years and up.

366
00:17:44.520 --> 00:17:47.480
So she's not quite there at a May, December romance

367
00:17:47.480 --> 00:17:50.440
but it's about seasons.

368
00:17:50.440 --> 00:17:52.480
Does this guy want kids?

369
00:17:53.240 --> 00:17:54.080
Are you able to have kids?

370
00:17:54.080 --> 00:17:56.880
Do you want biological children still?

371
00:17:56.880 --> 00:17:59.920
30 year old man probably, even if he says he doesn't,

372
00:17:59.920 --> 00:18:02.440
probably does or is going to want to at some point.

373
00:18:02.440 --> 00:18:04.360
And so there are just different things there.

374
00:18:04.360 --> 00:18:05.760
And so what I think that you should do

375
00:18:05.760 --> 00:18:08.200
because you know him and you're in community with him

376
00:18:08.200 --> 00:18:10.000
is that if you guys do go on a date,

377
00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:11.640
don't just ignore the elephant in the room.

378
00:18:11.640 --> 00:18:13.360
Just say, hey, how does this age different?

379
00:18:13.360 --> 00:18:15.160
Cause first of all, does he know?

380
00:18:15.160 --> 00:18:19.360
Because men are not good judges of age at all.

381
00:18:19.360 --> 00:18:22.240
And so he may have no clue at all

382
00:18:23.000 --> 00:18:24.920
that you are 16 years older than him.

383
00:18:24.920 --> 00:18:26.240
He might think you're 35.

384
00:18:29.160 --> 00:18:32.320
So these are things that you definitely should bring up

385
00:18:32.320 --> 00:18:33.880
on those first couple of hangouts

386
00:18:33.880 --> 00:18:35.680
if you guys do end up hanging out

387
00:18:35.680 --> 00:18:39.040
because why go a million miles an hour down a dead end road?

388
00:18:40.680 --> 00:18:43.520
You might just say to him, hey, you know that,

389
00:18:44.560 --> 00:18:46.560
I was in high school when you were born.

390
00:18:48.320 --> 00:18:49.160
I'm just kidding.

391
00:18:49.160 --> 00:18:50.000
Don't say that.

392
00:18:51.000 --> 00:18:53.160
You could say, you know, I'm older than you.

393
00:18:53.160 --> 00:18:55.240
And he'd be like, really, what?

394
00:18:55.240 --> 00:18:58.160
And then if he does that, you know that he had no clue

395
00:18:58.160 --> 00:19:00.640
and then don't shy away from it.

396
00:19:00.640 --> 00:19:04.080
Be like, yeah, I'm significantly older than you

397
00:19:04.080 --> 00:19:06.640
and see how he feels about it.

398
00:19:06.640 --> 00:19:10.760
It doesn't seem to bother the French men at all, but-

399
00:19:10.760 --> 00:19:11.600
Oh yeah.

400
00:19:11.600 --> 00:19:14.000
And the thing is the French men, see?

401
00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:16.440
So we're talking about different culture as well.

402
00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:18.040
Yeah.

403
00:19:18.040 --> 00:19:21.360
And you guys, what I've noticed about Gen Z especially,

404
00:19:21.360 --> 00:19:22.720
so he's like a young millennial,

405
00:19:22.720 --> 00:19:24.920
but young millennials, Gen Z,

406
00:19:24.920 --> 00:19:27.400
is that they do like older women.

407
00:19:27.400 --> 00:19:30.640
So, and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing,

408
00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:31.960
but they do.

409
00:19:31.960 --> 00:19:36.120
And so, yeah, check that out and see,

410
00:19:36.120 --> 00:19:38.840
because he really honestly may have no idea

411
00:19:38.840 --> 00:19:41.640
that you're that much older than him.

412
00:19:41.640 --> 00:19:42.480
Probably not.

413
00:19:42.480 --> 00:19:43.840
Okay, thank you.

414
00:19:43.840 --> 00:19:46.080
But seasons, remember that.

415
00:19:46.720 --> 00:19:48.760
Find out more about that, okay?

416
00:19:48.760 --> 00:19:53.600
And girl, a 30 year old is super infatuated with you.

417
00:19:53.600 --> 00:19:56.760
So, you know, high five, high five.

418
00:19:58.200 --> 00:19:59.040
Okay.

419
00:19:59.040 --> 00:19:59.880
All right.

420
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.960
Great, so Sabrina and then Yolanda on deck.

421
00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:04.120
So Sabrina, you're up.

422
00:20:07.800 --> 00:20:09.080
I'm coming.

423
00:20:09.080 --> 00:20:10.520
I'm sorry, I should also say, Renee,

424
00:20:10.520 --> 00:20:13.440
did you have anything else to add to that?

425
00:20:13.440 --> 00:20:14.760
No, that was good, that was good.

426
00:20:14.760 --> 00:20:18.280
Okay, okay, so go ahead, Sabrina, there you are.

427
00:20:18.280 --> 00:20:19.280
Yep, there I am.

428
00:20:19.280 --> 00:20:23.920
Hello, okay, so a question about confidence.

429
00:20:23.920 --> 00:20:26.280
Like I noticed, one, I just think I just,

430
00:20:26.280 --> 00:20:28.120
I've been out of the game for way too long,

431
00:20:28.120 --> 00:20:32.880
so I'm not super flirty or this last guy I was talking to,

432
00:20:32.880 --> 00:20:35.360
I ended up getting like extremely kind of annoyed

433
00:20:35.360 --> 00:20:39.040
and just, I don't wanna deal with anybody dating

434
00:20:39.040 --> 00:20:39.880
at all, period,

435
00:20:39.880 --> 00:20:43.440
because I just got like really annoyed with his pushiness.

436
00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:46.280
But then I realized too,

437
00:20:46.280 --> 00:20:49.400
and I think I wrote this maybe in a question

438
00:20:49.400 --> 00:20:51.640
on the chat or something before,

439
00:20:51.640 --> 00:20:56.600
but I noticed like I feel a lot more confident around guys

440
00:20:56.600 --> 00:20:59.800
that I don't necessarily care for,

441
00:20:59.800 --> 00:21:01.640
because I don't care about the relationship,

442
00:21:01.640 --> 00:21:03.320
so I can be exactly myself.

443
00:21:03.320 --> 00:21:04.720
But then with someone I'm kind of like,

444
00:21:04.720 --> 00:21:07.960
oh, I'm kind of attracted to him, I kind of like freeze.

445
00:21:07.960 --> 00:21:10.600
And so those are the people that I would actually like

446
00:21:10.600 --> 00:21:15.600
to kind of be myself and just not care like really

447
00:21:16.320 --> 00:21:20.400
about much, and then that's when I show up

448
00:21:20.400 --> 00:21:23.200
my most authentic self, but I freeze.

449
00:21:23.200 --> 00:21:26.320
And so I'm like, I don't know what to do with that

450
00:21:27.040 --> 00:21:29.560
because then I end up attracting really the men

451
00:21:29.560 --> 00:21:30.960
that I don't want to be with.

452
00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:31.800
And then they-

453
00:21:31.800 --> 00:21:33.520
But let's talk about that.

454
00:21:33.520 --> 00:21:36.160
First of all, I want you to know that this is not uncommon.

455
00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:39.320
It's very common actually, okay, with men and women.

456
00:21:39.320 --> 00:21:42.320
It's like you feel freedom to be yourself

457
00:21:42.320 --> 00:21:44.880
and you're not at all self-conscious with people

458
00:21:44.880 --> 00:21:48.400
that you're not overtly physically attracted to.

459
00:21:48.400 --> 00:21:51.800
But then when someone is like a crush kind of person,

460
00:21:51.800 --> 00:21:53.200
then you just don't know what to say.

461
00:21:53.200 --> 00:21:55.960
So let me ask you, were you like that

462
00:21:56.600 --> 00:21:58.160
when you were younger or is this a new development

463
00:21:58.160 --> 00:21:59.920
because you've been out of the game?

464
00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:03.960
I was actually really shy when I was younger.

465
00:22:03.960 --> 00:22:04.800
Okay.

466
00:22:04.800 --> 00:22:06.920
I didn't date much at all, really.

467
00:22:06.920 --> 00:22:09.440
Did you have any secret crushes?

468
00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:12.440
Yep, but I'd never act on it.

469
00:22:12.440 --> 00:22:14.040
I grew up in a very conservative home.

470
00:22:14.040 --> 00:22:18.040
So I really did not date until I moved out of state,

471
00:22:18.040 --> 00:22:21.440
like in California, and then I had like one relationship

472
00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:23.200
and then the next one was the person that I married.

473
00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:25.400
So it wasn't a lot.

474
00:22:25.840 --> 00:22:26.880
So I feel like I don't really have a ton

475
00:22:26.880 --> 00:22:29.440
of all this dating experience.

476
00:22:30.680 --> 00:22:33.000
And I think that, I think it's rooted.

477
00:22:33.000 --> 00:22:33.960
Go ahead.

478
00:22:33.960 --> 00:22:35.680
Oh, I come a lot.

479
00:22:35.680 --> 00:22:37.120
Now here's where I come alive.

480
00:22:37.120 --> 00:22:39.720
I love going out and dancing.

481
00:22:39.720 --> 00:22:41.760
And if I'm out in that kind of environment,

482
00:22:41.760 --> 00:22:43.240
I don't care who I'm around.

483
00:22:43.240 --> 00:22:45.720
I don't care if I like the person, if I don't,

484
00:22:45.720 --> 00:22:48.320
I'm in my own world, my own zone.

485
00:22:48.320 --> 00:22:51.800
Okay, so that's your magic elixir.

486
00:22:51.800 --> 00:22:53.120
That's what gets you out.

487
00:22:53.160 --> 00:22:55.520
That's what makes you, you're feeling yourself,

488
00:22:55.520 --> 00:22:57.240
you're doing the thing.

489
00:22:57.240 --> 00:23:00.800
It makes you come out of your shell, which that's great.

490
00:23:00.800 --> 00:23:04.720
And so you might want to make sure

491
00:23:04.720 --> 00:23:07.080
that you're in environments that make you come out

492
00:23:07.080 --> 00:23:09.280
of your shell when you're meeting new people.

493
00:23:09.280 --> 00:23:11.040
And that's great and good.

494
00:23:11.040 --> 00:23:14.720
So let's dig back into, I was shy when I was young.

495
00:23:14.720 --> 00:23:17.360
I had crushes or unrequited love.

496
00:23:17.360 --> 00:23:19.400
I was like admiring from afar,

497
00:23:19.400 --> 00:23:21.840
but never thought they'd be interested in me.

498
00:23:21.840 --> 00:23:25.880
Never even gave them a chance to be interested in me.

499
00:23:25.880 --> 00:23:28.480
I think that's really the important thing

500
00:23:28.480 --> 00:23:30.320
to focus in on, right?

501
00:23:30.320 --> 00:23:33.760
And so I think this is a mindset that we get

502
00:23:33.760 --> 00:23:36.160
because of being shy when you were young

503
00:23:36.160 --> 00:23:38.520
and because of like, you know, admiring from afar

504
00:23:38.520 --> 00:23:40.640
and not giving someone a chance to get to know you

505
00:23:40.640 --> 00:23:43.200
and also return that affection.

506
00:23:43.200 --> 00:23:46.920
We get it in our minds that if I'm attracted to them,

507
00:23:46.920 --> 00:23:49.760
then they're not going to be attracted to me.

508
00:23:49.760 --> 00:23:52.520
And what happens with that is it becomes

509
00:23:52.520 --> 00:23:55.000
like an Achilles heel, okay?

510
00:23:55.000 --> 00:23:58.360
It becomes a weakness of ours where, you know,

511
00:23:58.360 --> 00:23:59.640
we start getting anxiety.

512
00:23:59.640 --> 00:24:03.800
We start getting relationship anxiety in that moment.

513
00:24:03.800 --> 00:24:06.760
Okay, the people that you're not attracted to,

514
00:24:06.760 --> 00:24:09.120
you're yourself, okay?

515
00:24:09.120 --> 00:24:11.440
You're coming in through the friend door, your friends,

516
00:24:11.440 --> 00:24:13.560
you know, and by the way, don't count those guys out

517
00:24:13.560 --> 00:24:16.840
because you could become attracted to one of them.

518
00:24:16.840 --> 00:24:19.360
Just because you're not immediately attracted to them

519
00:24:19.960 --> 00:24:21.240
does not mean that attraction cannot grow

520
00:24:21.240 --> 00:24:23.280
because it can and it does.

521
00:24:23.280 --> 00:24:24.840
In fact, that is the prophetic trend

522
00:24:24.840 --> 00:24:26.040
that I'm seeing in matchmaking.

523
00:24:26.040 --> 00:24:28.320
People are falling in love with their friends.

524
00:24:28.320 --> 00:24:30.440
They are, that's what's happening.

525
00:24:30.440 --> 00:24:33.680
Important for us to note that God is revealing

526
00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:35.080
something different about people

527
00:24:35.080 --> 00:24:36.680
that we think we know so well.

528
00:24:36.680 --> 00:24:38.960
So that we're seeing them in a different way,

529
00:24:38.960 --> 00:24:40.040
a different light.

530
00:24:40.040 --> 00:24:44.120
So I want you to do some hard work around the idea

531
00:24:44.120 --> 00:24:46.880
of do you believe that a man that you find

532
00:24:46.880 --> 00:24:50.760
overtly attractive could find you attractive too?

533
00:24:50.760 --> 00:24:53.480
You know, could like you back at the same level

534
00:24:53.480 --> 00:24:55.480
that you like him?

535
00:24:55.480 --> 00:25:00.480
And, you know, and if not, if the answer to that is no.

536
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.860
or any version of no, or any version of, well, maybe,

537
00:25:03.860 --> 00:25:05.220
then why?

538
00:25:06.460 --> 00:25:07.580
Let's find that out.

539
00:25:07.580 --> 00:25:11.020
Because I feel like that is actually causing the anxiety.

540
00:25:11.860 --> 00:25:12.740
Right?

541
00:25:12.740 --> 00:25:15.140
Because the reason why you're so free in yourself

542
00:25:15.140 --> 00:25:16.580
with people that you're not attracted to

543
00:25:16.580 --> 00:25:19.020
is because you don't care whether or not

544
00:25:19.020 --> 00:25:20.820
they're attracted back to you or not.

545
00:25:21.700 --> 00:25:22.660
You know?

546
00:25:22.660 --> 00:25:26.100
In fact, they probably are attracted back to you.

547
00:25:26.100 --> 00:25:28.260
And so if you can attract those men,

548
00:25:28.260 --> 00:25:30.740
why can't you attract these men?

549
00:25:30.740 --> 00:25:32.820
And so that's the question that we need the answer to,

550
00:25:32.820 --> 00:25:34.580
because the answer to that is gonna tell us

551
00:25:34.580 --> 00:25:36.220
what strategy to take next.

552
00:25:37.340 --> 00:25:40.500
What kind of confidence builder do we need to do?

553
00:25:40.500 --> 00:25:43.140
So you come from a conservative home too, remember?

554
00:25:43.140 --> 00:25:46.040
So dating or boys or that kind of stuff

555
00:25:46.040 --> 00:25:47.440
might've been a little bit like,

556
00:25:47.440 --> 00:25:49.860
it was almost like you were glad you were shy

557
00:25:49.860 --> 00:25:51.740
because you could have been getting in a lot of trouble

558
00:25:51.740 --> 00:25:55.400
because of the rules that you were living under.

559
00:25:56.400 --> 00:25:57.600
Yeah.

560
00:25:57.600 --> 00:25:59.880
So if it's where I don't think those guys

561
00:25:59.880 --> 00:26:00.720
would be attracted to me,

562
00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:04.200
then what path is that to heal from, I guess?

563
00:26:04.200 --> 00:26:05.760
Well, it depends on why.

564
00:26:05.760 --> 00:26:07.000
It depends on what the answer,

565
00:26:07.000 --> 00:26:09.160
like what's the answer, why?

566
00:26:09.160 --> 00:26:10.800
Am I not pretty enough?

567
00:26:10.800 --> 00:26:11.640
Am I too old?

568
00:26:11.640 --> 00:26:14.720
Are they too, you know, what is it?

569
00:26:14.720 --> 00:26:17.240
You know, am I too, you know, good?

570
00:26:17.240 --> 00:26:18.360
Am I too much of a good girl?

571
00:26:18.360 --> 00:26:21.240
Like what kind of guy, like what, what is it?

572
00:26:21.240 --> 00:26:24.160
And that's important that we find out what's up with that.

573
00:26:24.200 --> 00:26:25.840
And you guys, the thing that I've noticed in people

574
00:26:25.840 --> 00:26:29.000
that their dating years were stunted when they were young,

575
00:26:29.000 --> 00:26:30.880
that's when we're truly dating, right?

576
00:26:30.880 --> 00:26:33.760
Is when we're young and a lot of people

577
00:26:33.760 --> 00:26:35.000
either weren't allowed to date

578
00:26:35.000 --> 00:26:36.200
or no one asked them on a date

579
00:26:36.200 --> 00:26:37.720
or they just didn't give any dating practice.

580
00:26:37.720 --> 00:26:39.080
But for those of you that weren't allowed

581
00:26:39.080 --> 00:26:40.640
or you were in a conservative home

582
00:26:40.640 --> 00:26:42.840
where it was always about, no, you'll have,

583
00:26:42.840 --> 00:26:45.160
you know, like, it's like, sex is bad, bad, bad.

584
00:26:45.160 --> 00:26:46.360
That's why we don't go on dates.

585
00:26:46.360 --> 00:26:49.040
It's why we don't, you know, you know, the boy girl thing.

586
00:26:49.040 --> 00:26:50.680
It's always like, don't be alone with a boy

587
00:26:50.680 --> 00:26:52.320
or all the things, those rules.

588
00:26:52.320 --> 00:26:54.680
And I'm not saying that some of that's not wisdom,

589
00:26:54.680 --> 00:26:58.160
but it actually stunts our growth

590
00:26:58.160 --> 00:27:02.880
in being able to talk with the opposite sex

591
00:27:02.880 --> 00:27:07.760
in romantic situations, in situations where our,

592
00:27:07.760 --> 00:27:12.040
you know, we're excited about them, attracted to them.

593
00:27:12.040 --> 00:27:14.480
And I feel like that might be happening too.

594
00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:16.680
Yeah, I would agree.

595
00:27:16.680 --> 00:27:17.800
Thank you.

596
00:27:17.800 --> 00:27:18.640
Yeah.

597
00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:19.920
We're gonna get you healed of that, Sabrina.

598
00:27:19.920 --> 00:27:21.880
You're gonna be out there and you're gonna be the same

599
00:27:21.960 --> 00:27:22.800
no matter who you're with.

600
00:27:22.800 --> 00:27:24.120
You're gonna be able to be freely you

601
00:27:24.120 --> 00:27:25.200
and it's gonna be great.

602
00:27:25.200 --> 00:27:27.240
Renee, you got something?

603
00:27:27.240 --> 00:27:28.920
Yeah, I just wanna say a couple of things.

604
00:27:28.920 --> 00:27:30.680
One, this is why I say to you guys,

605
00:27:30.680 --> 00:27:34.400
go out on a ton of date and get to know people

606
00:27:34.400 --> 00:27:39.040
because the more you do this, it will become muscle memory

607
00:27:39.040 --> 00:27:40.680
so that when you are with a guy

608
00:27:40.680 --> 00:27:42.000
that you are more attracted to

609
00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:44.600
or guys with a girl that you're more attracted to,

610
00:27:44.600 --> 00:27:47.120
your muscle memory will kick in

611
00:27:47.120 --> 00:27:49.160
even if you've got some nervous jitters.

612
00:27:49.160 --> 00:27:50.760
So that's like the first thing I wanna say.

613
00:27:50.800 --> 00:27:54.280
The second thing is we have to be paying attention to is

614
00:27:54.280 --> 00:27:58.640
are we still being attracted to the wrong guys or girls

615
00:27:58.640 --> 00:28:02.040
that are gonna make up for us not getting picked

616
00:28:02.040 --> 00:28:03.640
when we were 16?

617
00:28:03.640 --> 00:28:05.520
Because like I just had a phone call with a guy.

618
00:28:05.520 --> 00:28:08.400
It was so clear in the first five minutes

619
00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:10.160
that he was not God's plan for me.

620
00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:13.000
Like he had no faith whatsoever, but he was hot.

621
00:28:13.000 --> 00:28:15.160
And I was really bummed by the end of the call

622
00:28:15.160 --> 00:28:16.360
that he wasn't picking me.

623
00:28:16.360 --> 00:28:18.760
But I was like, Renee, he's not your guy.

624
00:28:18.760 --> 00:28:20.240
Like, he's not your guy.

625
00:28:21.240 --> 00:28:24.320
You know, it was easy to think that old tape of,

626
00:28:24.320 --> 00:28:25.920
but I gotta attract that guy

627
00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:28.120
because I didn't use to attract that guy before.

628
00:28:28.120 --> 00:28:32.280
And so it really helped me go, but no.

629
00:28:32.280 --> 00:28:33.840
And so maybe that'll help you guys

630
00:28:33.840 --> 00:28:35.640
to just get out there and practice

631
00:28:35.640 --> 00:28:38.960
and just make sure that we're picking the right guys

632
00:28:38.960 --> 00:28:42.000
and girls to be attracted to that aren't trying to make up

633
00:28:42.000 --> 00:28:43.440
for what Jackie was talking about,

634
00:28:43.440 --> 00:28:46.320
all those misses, you know, to validate us.

635
00:28:46.320 --> 00:28:48.400
Like we don't need them to validate us.

636
00:28:48.400 --> 00:28:50.880
So that was my additional item.

637
00:28:50.880 --> 00:28:51.720
Yeah, for sure.

638
00:28:51.720 --> 00:28:53.240
We do not need that.

639
00:28:53.240 --> 00:28:55.920
Vicky, so glad that you're clearing the space.

640
00:28:55.920 --> 00:28:58.640
So finally letting go of the fantasy

641
00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:00.400
of is that gonna be your guy

642
00:29:00.400 --> 00:29:02.360
so that you can focus on, you know,

643
00:29:02.360 --> 00:29:03.400
who is right in front of you.

644
00:29:03.400 --> 00:29:05.400
So I think that's great.

645
00:29:05.400 --> 00:29:06.440
Love that.

646
00:29:06.440 --> 00:29:08.360
And then also Jeanette asked, you know,

647
00:29:08.360 --> 00:29:11.440
is there like a set parameter for age difference?

648
00:29:11.440 --> 00:29:12.800
I don't think so.

649
00:29:12.800 --> 00:29:15.160
I think that knowing the season, you know,

650
00:29:15.160 --> 00:29:18.480
usually people that are within a five to six year age range

651
00:29:18.480 --> 00:29:21.520
of you are in the same season of life as you, not always,

652
00:29:21.520 --> 00:29:23.280
but a lot of times they are.

653
00:29:23.280 --> 00:29:25.840
And so that if you want a parameter,

654
00:29:25.840 --> 00:29:28.400
that's probably a good one to be in the same season

655
00:29:28.400 --> 00:29:29.240
as someone.

656
00:29:29.240 --> 00:29:30.800
But then sometimes, you know, we had,

657
00:29:30.800 --> 00:29:32.360
we used to have a guy in our group

658
00:29:32.360 --> 00:29:36.280
who was in his early fifties and his kids were really young.

659
00:29:36.280 --> 00:29:38.160
They were still in elementary school.

660
00:29:38.160 --> 00:29:41.600
And so, and actually he wasn't, he was in his mid fifties

661
00:29:42.640 --> 00:29:44.680
and still like 55, 56 years old.

662
00:29:45.200 --> 00:29:48.400
So he was looking for someone who was still wanting

663
00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:51.160
to raise children from that young age.

664
00:29:51.160 --> 00:29:53.320
And, you know, a lot of the women that were his age

665
00:29:53.320 --> 00:29:54.280
weren't interested in that.

666
00:29:54.280 --> 00:29:55.120
Their kids were grown.

667
00:29:55.120 --> 00:29:56.560
They even had grandchildren.

668
00:29:56.560 --> 00:29:59.360
And so matching seasons, very important.

669
00:29:59.360 --> 00:30:00.200
All right, Yolanda.

670
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.000
I'm going to let you go, but I want to let you know that I was just sitting here looking

671
00:30:03.000 --> 00:30:04.000
at you.

672
00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:05.320
First of all, you look really pretty.

673
00:30:05.320 --> 00:30:08.600
And I want to let you know that, um, I just heard the Lord saying, and I just want to

674
00:30:08.600 --> 00:30:13.680
release this word over you that he's just got really great plans for you, that his plans

675
00:30:13.680 --> 00:30:16.240
for you, they're just getting started.

676
00:30:16.240 --> 00:30:17.240
All right.

677
00:30:17.240 --> 00:30:21.680
So I just want to release that over you and just, you know, bless you with that.

678
00:30:21.680 --> 00:30:25.560
You know, the enemy might be coming and trying to tell you that, you know, that the stories

679
00:30:25.560 --> 00:30:29.760
are over and they're not, you know, the story is not over yet.

680
00:30:29.760 --> 00:30:34.360
God's got plans for you, God's with you, God's leading you and guiding you and helping

681
00:30:34.360 --> 00:30:35.360
you.

682
00:30:35.360 --> 00:30:40.600
And, um, and so just right now where you are, it's just about being just obedient with whatever

683
00:30:40.600 --> 00:30:42.680
you feel like he's leading you to do.

684
00:30:42.680 --> 00:30:46.800
You know, there's no wrong answer and just letting him just, you know, help lead and

685
00:30:46.800 --> 00:30:52.960
guide you into those plans because Jeremiah 29, 11 says not only that they're plural plans,

686
00:30:52.960 --> 00:30:55.640
but that they're to give you the future you're hoping for.

687
00:30:55.640 --> 00:30:59.160
So I want to really encourage you to start hoping for your future.

688
00:30:59.160 --> 00:31:01.040
You know, let's not live in the past.

689
00:31:01.040 --> 00:31:03.080
Let's hope for the future.

690
00:31:03.080 --> 00:31:04.720
Let's plan our future.

691
00:31:04.720 --> 00:31:10.320
Let's make plans for our future and, you know, and not believe the lies of the enemy that

692
00:31:10.320 --> 00:31:14.640
we don't have one because we do.

693
00:31:14.640 --> 00:31:16.160
Thank you so much, Jackie.

694
00:31:16.160 --> 00:31:17.160
That means a lot to me.

695
00:31:17.160 --> 00:31:22.120
It's like you've been watching me for the last couple of months since most specifically

696
00:31:22.120 --> 00:31:23.800
the last couple of weeks.

697
00:31:23.800 --> 00:31:25.480
Um, um, okay.

698
00:31:25.480 --> 00:31:26.560
I'm so nervous.

699
00:31:26.560 --> 00:31:28.400
Thank you, Gail, for talking me through this.

700
00:31:28.400 --> 00:31:29.400
She's been texting me.

701
00:31:29.400 --> 00:31:30.400
You can do this.

702
00:31:30.400 --> 00:31:31.400
So nervous.

703
00:31:31.400 --> 00:31:32.400
Okay.

704
00:31:32.400 --> 00:31:38.400
Um, I posted this, um, in our groups, you guys know, I've been asking for prayer for

705
00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:40.680
the guy that I've been dating Dan.

706
00:31:40.680 --> 00:31:46.560
Um, and I actually did post the question to ask Jackie about a week ago, anyhow.

707
00:31:46.560 --> 00:31:51.480
Um, so, uh, we met in August and he lives in Southern Oregon.

708
00:31:51.480 --> 00:31:53.800
I live in Washington state.

709
00:31:53.800 --> 00:31:57.640
Um, and, uh, we met halfway.

710
00:31:57.640 --> 00:31:59.620
He offered to drive here.

711
00:31:59.620 --> 00:32:03.680
And I said, no, I thought about what you said, Jackie, don't make the guys do all the heavy

712
00:32:03.680 --> 00:32:04.680
lifting.

713
00:32:04.680 --> 00:32:07.520
So I said, I, you, you'd be more than happy to meet you halfway.

714
00:32:07.520 --> 00:32:09.240
So we did.

715
00:32:09.240 --> 00:32:15.000
And that was like two weeks after we met on Facebook dating, we did multiple video dates

716
00:32:15.000 --> 00:32:18.320
in between, excuse me, phone conversations.

717
00:32:18.320 --> 00:32:22.280
And, um, when we met in person, we had a great time.

718
00:32:22.280 --> 00:32:25.840
We spent like five, six hours together.

719
00:32:25.840 --> 00:32:29.640
He was very upfront with me telling me about his health challenges.

720
00:32:29.640 --> 00:32:34.880
He has colon cancer and he let me know, you know, where he was in his treatments.

721
00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:37.240
And I said, okay, I appreciate you letting me know.

722
00:32:37.240 --> 00:32:42.560
I'm not afraid of that, you know, and okay, whatever I can do to support you, you know?

723
00:32:42.560 --> 00:32:50.840
So anyhow, we got to know each other, um, very quickly and, um, went into level three,

724
00:32:50.840 --> 00:32:57.880
like a month, month and a half after that, um, he would make it very clear what his plans

725
00:32:57.880 --> 00:33:01.680
were, um, that he was marriage minded.

726
00:33:01.680 --> 00:33:07.600
Um, anyhow, it's not, I'm trying to make the short, I'm sorry.

727
00:33:07.600 --> 00:33:16.240
So, um, we were, we had made plans to meet for Thanksgiving, um, and for Christmas.

728
00:33:16.240 --> 00:33:22.000
He wanted me to meet his sister, his daughters, but he had a horrible reaction to one of the

729
00:33:22.000 --> 00:33:24.200
medications that he was taking.

730
00:33:24.200 --> 00:33:26.160
So we couldn't meet.

731
00:33:26.160 --> 00:33:31.120
And, um, after that, we were supposed to meet again.

732
00:33:31.120 --> 00:33:36.120
I was having problems with my sciatic nerve, couldn't go, got a cold, couldn't be around

733
00:33:36.120 --> 00:33:40.680
it because he's receiving chemo anyhow, we were supposed to meet again for Christmas

734
00:33:40.680 --> 00:33:42.520
that didn't happen.

735
00:33:42.520 --> 00:33:51.360
So he had an appointment, a post-chemo appointment on the 5th of January and, um, he was supposed

736
00:33:51.360 --> 00:33:56.600
to find out what his results were for the key from the chemo, you know, what was going

737
00:33:56.600 --> 00:33:57.600
on.

738
00:33:57.600 --> 00:34:03.400
Um, I text him that morning because I was at work and I said, Hey, how did it go?

739
00:34:04.120 --> 00:34:07.040
I didn't say, Hey, I said, sweetheart, how did it go?

740
00:34:07.040 --> 00:34:10.960
And he said, um, not so great news.

741
00:34:10.960 --> 00:34:11.960
Um, sorry.

742
00:34:11.960 --> 00:34:12.960
It's okay.

743
00:34:12.960 --> 00:34:13.960
We're here for you.

744
00:34:13.960 --> 00:34:14.960
We're with you.

745
00:34:14.960 --> 00:34:15.960
He said, not so great news.

746
00:34:15.960 --> 00:34:28.960
Um, I have an appointment on the 18th and that was all that he said.

747
00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:32.040
He doesn't send short messages and I completely understand.

748
00:34:32.040 --> 00:34:35.760
God knows what he had, what message or news that he got.

749
00:34:35.760 --> 00:34:37.560
So anyhow, I just sent him a text back.

750
00:34:37.560 --> 00:34:39.280
I said, sweetheart, I'm so sorry.

751
00:34:39.280 --> 00:34:41.280
I'm here for you.

752
00:34:41.280 --> 00:34:49.080
Um, and you know, just, I sent him a voice message then and prayed for him and, you know,

753
00:34:49.080 --> 00:34:56.380
um, spoke some scriptures over him and, um, and I told him I would call him later.

754
00:34:56.380 --> 00:34:59.940
So I, when I got home that evening, I called, he didn't answer.

755
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.840
okay, you know what, he's probably getting some rest or whatever. I text the next morning to see

756
00:35:05.840 --> 00:35:12.480
how he was doing. And I didn't feel like that was too much because we always talked in the morning

757
00:35:12.480 --> 00:35:20.320
and throughout the day. So he didn't respond. And I was out for dinner that evening, a friend took

758
00:35:20.320 --> 00:35:27.040
me out for my birthday, which was the next day. And he responded to the message that I sent and

759
00:35:27.040 --> 00:35:35.040
he said, really in a funk, slept all day. And that was the last that I heard from him.

760
00:35:36.320 --> 00:35:44.800
And that was on the 6th of January. Yeah. And when I say it's not like him,

761
00:35:45.360 --> 00:35:49.760
and I don't want this to sound selfish, God, please forgive me. It's not like him to

762
00:35:50.560 --> 00:35:56.880
not get in touch with me, but I can't. So my mind's been going all over the place. I can't imagine

763
00:35:56.880 --> 00:36:03.920
what news he got. I can't imagine if he, he said that there was a possibility that he was

764
00:36:03.920 --> 00:36:11.680
going to have surgery. I don't know if that's what's going on or if he had to go into radiation.

765
00:36:11.680 --> 00:36:21.280
I don't know. I don't know what to do. I thought maybe. So this is not the first time that this

766
00:36:21.280 --> 00:36:27.120
has happened in our, in our community. you know, it's actually, we've had, we've had several people

767
00:36:27.120 --> 00:36:34.000
that have fallen in love with people that have, you know, very, you know, you know, serious health

768
00:36:34.000 --> 00:36:42.080
issues. Right. And I don't know if any of you guys are from the era where you know, one of the guys

769
00:36:42.080 --> 00:36:46.640
in my group actually was proposing to a woman who had terminal brain cancer. I don't know if you

770
00:36:46.640 --> 00:36:54.160
guys remember Rebecca by the way, she's still alive. So you know, but you know, she, you know,

771
00:36:54.160 --> 00:37:00.560
had a couple of really bad prognosis meetings with doctors that caused her to push him away.

772
00:37:01.600 --> 00:37:07.920
And, and, and she pushed him away more and more until, you know, he had no choice, but to,

773
00:37:07.920 --> 00:37:11.440
you know, just let the relationship go. And he's now married to someone else

774
00:37:12.000 --> 00:37:16.800
happily married and it's great and wonderful. And she's still alive. She didn't pass away,

775
00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:22.000
but she had a young son and I, you know, she never gave him a reason, but I really feel like

776
00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:26.720
the reason why was because she felt like whatever time she had left based on whatever

777
00:37:26.720 --> 00:37:32.000
she was being told, she wanted to really focus on her child instead of like getting into a,

778
00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:38.000
you know, a marriage marrying, you know, at, at that level. And so part of this is just,

779
00:37:38.000 --> 00:37:44.320
you know, him, not, you know, people, people do all kinds of things when they're in trauma.

780
00:37:44.320 --> 00:37:50.160
And so he's trauma, he's in trauma right now. Right. He's withdrawing, he's pulling away

781
00:37:50.160 --> 00:37:55.600
instead of leaning in, he's pulling away part of that because you don't know each other that well,

782
00:37:55.600 --> 00:38:00.880
right. You haven't known each other for long, long period of time. And the other part is that

783
00:38:00.880 --> 00:38:07.200
he might not, you know, want to, you know, bring you into that, you know, and put you through that.

784
00:38:07.200 --> 00:38:12.320
It could be a more of a selfless type of situation. And it could be just that he's

785
00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:20.000
so depressed that he's just shut down. Right. And so what's his name. His name is Dan. Dan.

786
00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:24.240
So father, we just pray for Dan right now, Lord. And we ask God that you would just heal him. We

787
00:38:24.240 --> 00:38:29.600
know that you're a healer. We know the finished work of the cross was not just to get us into

788
00:38:29.600 --> 00:38:36.240
heaven someday, but to get heaven into us on earth. And so we ask heaven to invade Dan's body

789
00:38:36.800 --> 00:38:42.720
every cell, every part of his body, his blood, his lymph nodes, every organ in his body,

790
00:38:42.720 --> 00:38:47.520
we just ask that it would invade him. He'd be invaded by heaven and that he would be

791
00:38:47.520 --> 00:38:54.160
healed and set free from anything that doesn't look like heaven in Jesus name. Amen. And so

792
00:38:54.160 --> 00:38:57.680
what you're going to have to do, and I know this is probably not the answer that you want

793
00:38:57.680 --> 00:39:02.240
is that because you know, you've reached out and he hasn't reached back. You're going to have to

794
00:39:02.240 --> 00:39:06.880
surrender him to the Lord. Right. I'm on my Jesus cares board. Cause I, yes,

795
00:39:06.880 --> 00:39:11.840
you're going to have to surrender him to the Lord. And if he reaches back out to you you know,

796
00:39:11.840 --> 00:39:16.560
if God, you know, he's up on the Jesus cares board. So if God gives you direction, Hey,

797
00:39:16.560 --> 00:39:22.320
send them a card or do this or do that, you know, do you do it. But other than that,

798
00:39:22.320 --> 00:39:28.320
the kind of the balls in his court, he knows that you're there for him, you know and you know,

799
00:39:28.320 --> 00:39:33.760
and just chasing or, you know, constantly reaching out. Now, once again, if God tells you

800
00:39:33.760 --> 00:39:39.600
to, then you do. Um, but if he, if he doesn't, then, you know, then you just leave him there

801
00:39:39.600 --> 00:39:44.720
and you just pray and you continue to believe God for restoration and healing in his body.

802
00:39:44.720 --> 00:39:50.960
But also that if this is your spirit mate, because you could have just been a part of

803
00:39:50.960 --> 00:39:54.800
you guys, and this is important for all of you to hear. We're all worthy of love,

804
00:39:54.800 --> 00:40:00.400
no matter what we're going through. We're all worthy of love, no matter what we're going.

805
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.320
going through some of you guys have disqualified yourself

806
00:40:02.320 --> 00:40:04.360
because you're going through, you know, you've got went

807
00:40:04.360 --> 00:40:06.360
through an ugly divorce, you're still going through an ugly

808
00:40:06.360 --> 00:40:09.240
custody race. So so many of you are still going to court over

809
00:40:09.240 --> 00:40:12.640
custody situations. And you can disqualify yourself put yourself

810
00:40:12.640 --> 00:40:14.560
in the waiting room because you're not worthy of love while

811
00:40:14.560 --> 00:40:18.440
your life is messy. Have you have diagnoses, you have you

812
00:40:18.440 --> 00:40:22.240
know, disorders, you have this ease in your body going on right

813
00:40:22.240 --> 00:40:26.000
now in some way, shape or form, mental health issues, anxiety,

814
00:40:26.000 --> 00:40:29.440
depression, all of the things, guys, I had a whole slew of

815
00:40:29.440 --> 00:40:33.560
reasons why David Dorman should not love me when I met him as my

816
00:40:33.560 --> 00:40:35.880
neighbor. And when he was my neighbor, I was safe. But as

817
00:40:35.880 --> 00:40:38.440
soon as he started showing romantic interest in me, that's

818
00:40:38.440 --> 00:40:41.120
when I started doing what Dan is doing to Yolanda, I started

819
00:40:41.400 --> 00:40:47.360
pushing away, because I, I felt messy and broken and unworthy of

820
00:40:47.360 --> 00:40:52.000
love. And so and that's really where he is as well. And so just

821
00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:54.640
to kind of encourage you, we have a man still in our

822
00:40:54.640 --> 00:40:57.880
community who when he came into our community, he had a pretty

823
00:40:57.880 --> 00:41:05.320
serious diagnosis or prognosis. And he is completely healed in

824
00:41:05.320 --> 00:41:09.280
remission. And, you know, seriously in relationship,

825
00:41:09.320 --> 00:41:14.160
practically engaged to a woman in our community. And so, yeah,

826
00:41:14.160 --> 00:41:17.880
so good things, good things. And so, so we're going to release

827
00:41:17.880 --> 00:41:20.200
them, you're going to continue to pray, you're going to do

828
00:41:20.200 --> 00:41:22.960
whatever God leads you to do. But in the meantime, you're just

829
00:41:22.960 --> 00:41:25.960
going to give them to God. Because, you know, if this is

830
00:41:25.960 --> 00:41:30.560
your person, it will come full circle. Okay. And so we just

831
00:41:30.560 --> 00:41:33.640
pray for your heart that Shalom peace covers your heart during

832
00:41:33.640 --> 00:41:38.600
this, you know, and, and that you continue to move forward in

833
00:41:38.600 --> 00:41:41.680
the things that God is, is saying to you, because remember

834
00:41:41.680 --> 00:41:46.320
what the word I just gave you? He knows your plans. Okay.

835
00:41:46.600 --> 00:41:48.200
Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

836
00:41:48.600 --> 00:41:53.440
You're welcome. All right. That's hard, you guys. No one

837
00:41:53.440 --> 00:41:57.480
said that any of this would be easy. We just said that it'll be

838
00:41:57.480 --> 00:42:03.920
worth it. Right? Okay, so anyone else want to jump in the love

839
00:42:03.920 --> 00:42:07.880
seat? And you guys, I see some of you like, hey, you know, can

840
00:42:07.880 --> 00:42:09.960
I DM you? Can I put you a message? We want you all to

841
00:42:09.960 --> 00:42:12.920
create friendships here. But you know, you can create friendships

842
00:42:12.920 --> 00:42:16.880
within the Facebook groups and communities that you have that

843
00:42:16.880 --> 00:42:20.600
we have provided for you. And we have an app coming out that is

844
00:42:20.600 --> 00:42:23.920
going to give you even more access to community with each

845
00:42:23.920 --> 00:42:27.320
other. And then of course, we believe that 2024 is an in

846
00:42:27.320 --> 00:42:31.120
person year. And so very soon here in the next week or so

847
00:42:31.120 --> 00:42:35.360
we're going to be announcing our retreat and events and conference

848
00:42:35.360 --> 00:42:40.440
dates for 2024. And don't worry, none of them are before spring.

849
00:42:40.440 --> 00:42:43.040
So you have plenty of time to plan till none of them are

850
00:42:43.040 --> 00:42:49.240
before April. And so but yes, well, because we want to see you

851
00:42:49.240 --> 00:42:52.440
in person and we want you to see each other in person. And

852
00:42:52.480 --> 00:42:56.880
that is going to be awesome. Okay. Lots of fun and good

853
00:42:56.880 --> 00:43:01.320
stuff. Okay. Who else? If you have questions, put them in the

854
00:43:01.320 --> 00:43:03.880
chat. I know Renee is going through and answering some of

855
00:43:03.880 --> 00:43:06.360
them. And that's great. But if there are any really good ones,

856
00:43:06.360 --> 00:43:09.840
Renee, maybe answer those out loud so that everyone in case

857
00:43:09.840 --> 00:43:10.520
they missed it.

858
00:43:14.720 --> 00:43:17.040
It looks like Danielle and Katie have their hands raised. I don't

859
00:43:17.040 --> 00:43:19.360
know if they have something ready to go in the hot seat with

860
00:43:19.360 --> 00:43:27.280
you on. Okay. Um, and Corinne to had her. Okay, so we'll go

861
00:43:27.400 --> 00:43:31.800
Danielle, Katie, Corinne or Corinne because I never sound

862
00:43:31.800 --> 00:43:33.560
things out. Right. All right, Danielle, you're up.

863
00:43:34.280 --> 00:43:37.800
Hi, Jackie. Thanks for letting me jump into the seat. I'm

864
00:43:37.800 --> 00:43:45.760
nervous. Um, so I recently started talking to a guy about

865
00:43:45.760 --> 00:43:50.160
three weeks ago. And I've made a couple missteps that Jackie has

866
00:43:50.160 --> 00:43:55.560
told us not to do. So the kind of the overall question like to

867
00:43:55.560 --> 00:43:59.520
how to backtrack or maybe it's not. So anyway, we started

868
00:43:59.520 --> 00:44:06.440
talking, um, we just hit it off. Like I've never had a connection

869
00:44:06.440 --> 00:44:10.600
this quickly with it. We were supposed to go on our first

870
00:44:10.600 --> 00:44:14.480
date, which was and then I got COVID. So we ended up having

871
00:44:14.480 --> 00:44:17.320
like a phone date. And we talked for two hours. And then

872
00:44:17.320 --> 00:44:19.720
the next day, we talked for two hours. And the next day, we

873
00:44:19.720 --> 00:44:23.280
talked for two hours. And so we've seen each other in person

874
00:44:23.280 --> 00:44:27.320
three times in the three weeks after I recovered and everything

875
00:44:27.320 --> 00:44:31.200
like that. And we have a lot. I mean, we just have a lot of

876
00:44:31.200 --> 00:44:35.920
great connection as far as we have the same backgrounds we

877
00:44:35.920 --> 00:44:40.200
have. He was studying to go into social work. I'm a social

878
00:44:40.200 --> 00:44:43.920
worker. He's has an entrepreneurial spirit. I have a

879
00:44:43.920 --> 00:44:47.560
background in entrepreneurship. He's marriage minded. He's

880
00:44:47.560 --> 00:44:52.320
godly, very clear about putting God first. So everything is just

881
00:44:53.360 --> 00:44:58.400
going well in that regard. Um, my question is so pretty much

882
00:44:58.400 --> 00:44:59.920
like after the first week we were

883
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.680
connecting so well, he was kind of like, so do I have any

884
00:45:02.680 --> 00:45:06.540
competition? And I just don't know how to answer that

885
00:45:06.540 --> 00:45:09.440
question. I was like, I was at the time I was still talking to

886
00:45:09.440 --> 00:45:12.000
people because that's what you tell us to do. Even though

887
00:45:12.000 --> 00:45:15.080
that's not my background. Like I've never I'm not as serious. I

888
00:45:15.080 --> 00:45:18.560
didn't date a lot before or whatever. But I know it feels

889
00:45:18.560 --> 00:45:23.360
awkward. Go ahead. So then I so I kept up for a while. And then

890
00:45:23.360 --> 00:45:26.840
like, I don't know, three days later, I was like, you know, he

891
00:45:26.880 --> 00:45:29.960
he would check in every time we spoke. So it was clearly on his

892
00:45:29.960 --> 00:45:33.080
mind. And then so I, I wasn't really clicking with any of them

893
00:45:33.080 --> 00:45:36.240
anyway. And so I kind of dropped it. And I told him that. So I

894
00:45:36.240 --> 00:45:39.280
kind of feel like we all of a sudden, like, a week and a half

895
00:45:39.280 --> 00:45:44.560
into it, be kind of became exclusive. Well, life has picked

896
00:45:44.560 --> 00:45:47.880
up for him. He's going to school right now. He's in his last

897
00:45:47.880 --> 00:45:51.400
semester, internship, school, all of this stuff, and really

898
00:45:51.400 --> 00:45:55.720
doesn't have a lot of time at all. And I get that. And I'm

899
00:45:55.720 --> 00:45:59.440
totally cool with that. But I kind of feel like I put myself

900
00:45:59.440 --> 00:46:00.040
in a

901
00:46:01.560 --> 00:46:02.360
quote, not in a

902
00:46:03.400 --> 00:46:06.720
okay, so let's backtrack a little, just a minute. So did he

903
00:46:06.720 --> 00:46:10.400
ask you, will you be my girlfriend? No, he didn't say

904
00:46:10.400 --> 00:46:14.200
those words. He asked. So we're not exclusive, then okay, not

905
00:46:14.200 --> 00:46:16.640
exclusive, just because we're not talking to anybody else

906
00:46:16.640 --> 00:46:19.560
doesn't make us exclusive. Alright, so everyone, you need

907
00:46:19.560 --> 00:46:23.760
to know that if a man, you know, wants you to be his girlfriend,

908
00:46:23.800 --> 00:46:27.720
meaning, you know, exclusivity, monogamy, obviously, I'm not

909
00:46:27.720 --> 00:46:31.520
talking about intercourse sex, but I'm talking about not going

910
00:46:31.520 --> 00:46:34.760
out romantically with anyone else monogamy of just being

911
00:46:34.760 --> 00:46:40.120
together and no one else is in the equation. So he didn't ask

912
00:46:40.120 --> 00:46:45.640
that. But the fact that during your, you know, during your, you

913
00:46:45.640 --> 00:46:50.200
know, getting to know you phase with him, he was constantly

914
00:46:50.200 --> 00:46:53.120
asking if he had competition. That's the yellow flag for me.

915
00:46:54.120 --> 00:46:57.560
You know, doesn't mean that he's doesn't mean he's a bad guy. And

916
00:46:57.560 --> 00:47:00.120
doesn't mean he's going to end up being any kind of like, you

917
00:47:00.120 --> 00:47:04.240
know, you know, person that you don't want to be in relationship

918
00:47:04.240 --> 00:47:08.440
with. But it shows insecurity, right? It shows, you know, a

919
00:47:08.440 --> 00:47:12.240
little bit of possessiveness of like a mindset of, you know, he

920
00:47:12.240 --> 00:47:16.440
wants your undivided attention, you know, because, you know, is

921
00:47:16.440 --> 00:47:21.440
it because he likes you? Okay, I'll give him that. But if he's

922
00:47:21.720 --> 00:47:25.680
not in a season where he can be exclusive, and he can spend time

923
00:47:25.680 --> 00:47:28.280
with you, and he can make you his girlfriend, then what

924
00:47:28.280 --> 00:47:30.760
difference does it make? Right?

925
00:47:31.280 --> 00:47:34.640
He said, I know, I don't have time to date anyone else. So he

926
00:47:34.640 --> 00:47:37.360
has made it clear that he is exclusive. I don't know if that

927
00:47:37.360 --> 00:47:38.320
fact matters.

928
00:47:38.360 --> 00:47:40.960
Is he dating you? Because it sounds like you haven't.

929
00:47:43.720 --> 00:47:47.000
Right. So what I mean, you see once a week, but yeah, like in

930
00:47:47.000 --> 00:47:50.560
between, it's like, hey, go into bed. Have a good day. You know,

931
00:47:50.560 --> 00:47:51.640
like, there's not any.

932
00:47:52.600 --> 00:47:55.160
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So let me ask you, do you feel you

933
00:47:55.160 --> 00:47:59.200
still feel as excited about him as you did? Before?

934
00:48:00.520 --> 00:48:06.000
I mean, I yes and no. I mean, I do our one on our face. Every

935
00:48:06.000 --> 00:48:08.680
time we've been together. It's been incredible. Like we're

936
00:48:08.680 --> 00:48:12.600
vibing. There's no discomfort. It's all of that is great.

937
00:48:15.320 --> 00:48:16.080
Is there kissing?

938
00:48:16.480 --> 00:48:18.320
There has been kissing? Yes.

939
00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:24.440
Okay, so then you're exclusive. By default, right? By default,

940
00:48:24.440 --> 00:48:28.120
you're exclusive. I mean, according to you know, my, my,

941
00:48:28.160 --> 00:48:33.040
my, you know, boundaries, you're exclusive. And so I'm assuming

942
00:48:33.040 --> 00:48:36.840
that he just is assuming that you're his girlfriend, without

943
00:48:36.840 --> 00:48:40.000
asking you to be his girlfriend, since he's not seeing anyone

944
00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:44.320
else. And he's kissing you. Yes. Okay. So let me ask you a

945
00:48:44.320 --> 00:48:48.280
question. It sounds like the in between the once a week date is

946
00:48:48.280 --> 00:48:53.720
lacking. And I get it that he's busy. But I will tell you, when

947
00:48:53.720 --> 00:48:56.760
you're in the infatuation, everyone, please listen in the

948
00:48:56.760 --> 00:48:59.560
infatuation stage of relationship, which is the

949
00:48:59.560 --> 00:49:02.480
beginning of a relationship where you start dating someone,

950
00:49:02.680 --> 00:49:04.440
and you're just getting up to the place where you're

951
00:49:04.440 --> 00:49:07.040
exclusive. You know, there are a lot of times all you can think

952
00:49:07.040 --> 00:49:11.760
about. Right? You're so excited about them. There's a lot of

953
00:49:11.760 --> 00:49:16.040
anticipation. You don't care what age you are. I just I just

954
00:49:16.040 --> 00:49:19.960
had coffee with two people that are well into their 60s that

955
00:49:19.960 --> 00:49:23.760
cannot wait for the wedding night. They're so excited.

956
00:49:24.360 --> 00:49:28.800
They're so like, you know, you know, just in love and just, you

957
00:49:28.800 --> 00:49:32.680
know, all the things. And so that is how it is. And that is

958
00:49:32.680 --> 00:49:36.400
how it should be. And that's how you deserve it to be. All

959
00:49:36.400 --> 00:49:41.440
right. As you're leading up to marriage and beyond. Okay. And

960
00:49:41.440 --> 00:49:46.000
so if he is, you know, actively excited at first, and now he's

961
00:49:46.000 --> 00:49:49.480
really busy and he's in school and all that stuff. Guys, I've

962
00:49:49.480 --> 00:49:52.480
seen I've seen people get two or three hours of sleep because

963
00:49:52.480 --> 00:49:56.600
they really have a hectic job or schedule, but they're in love.

964
00:49:57.360 --> 00:49:59.960
So I guess the next question

965
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.480
is going to have to be is, you know, um, how committed is he to this?

966
00:50:06.520 --> 00:50:09.400
And, and you're, and a lot of people might be like, oh, well, is it too soon?

967
00:50:09.400 --> 00:50:11.880
That no, it's not too soon.

968
00:50:12.000 --> 00:50:16.040
They're exclusive and they're having, you know, physical intimacy.

969
00:50:16.360 --> 00:50:19.960
So it's fair to have the conversation of, you know, what is this?

970
00:50:20.160 --> 00:50:22.640
What, what is it that we want from this?

971
00:50:23.360 --> 00:50:26.200
Cause I would hate for you to lock yourself down kind of with the kissing

972
00:50:26.200 --> 00:50:30.000
bandit and it not go anywhere.

973
00:50:30.120 --> 00:50:30.640
Right.

974
00:50:31.120 --> 00:50:34.320
Um, all the, well, that was kind of my question.

975
00:50:34.320 --> 00:50:36.320
Have I over committed too soon?

976
00:50:36.320 --> 00:50:38.640
Then that was kind of like, how do you backtrack from that?

977
00:50:39.400 --> 00:50:44.560
Well, by a conversation, because like you are, you are committed.

978
00:50:44.920 --> 00:50:46.080
It is exclusive.

979
00:50:46.200 --> 00:50:50.880
It is physical, you know, in, in an appropriate way, but it's still romantic.

980
00:50:51.320 --> 00:50:51.800
All right.

981
00:50:52.120 --> 00:50:56.160
And so it's fair for you to ask in the next in person, Hey, you know, I know

982
00:50:56.160 --> 00:51:00.840
that this is an abundant time in your life, you're really busy, but, um, you

983
00:51:00.840 --> 00:51:04.880
know, this is an important area of my life that I have dedicated this season

984
00:51:04.880 --> 00:51:10.160
to focusing on, you know, I'm commitment minded, I'm relationship minded.

985
00:51:10.160 --> 00:51:14.560
I'm eventually down, you know, whenever appropriate in relationship, marriage

986
00:51:14.560 --> 00:51:19.920
minded, you know, is that what you are as well, because there isn't any reason

987
00:51:19.920 --> 00:51:25.680
for you to stay on, you know, a highway going, you know, 50, 60 miles an hour.

988
00:51:25.680 --> 00:51:27.240
If there's a dead end soon.

989
00:51:29.520 --> 00:51:32.920
And you guys, it's a fair conversation when all of that's already happening.

990
00:51:32.920 --> 00:51:37.120
Now, have they only been on a couple dates and had really great conversations,

991
00:51:37.120 --> 00:51:39.960
but, you know, they're not seeing each other once a week and they're not

992
00:51:39.960 --> 00:51:44.880
exclusive and there isn't romantic, you know, physical touch happening, then

993
00:51:44.880 --> 00:51:46.200
we wouldn't have that conversation.

994
00:51:48.480 --> 00:51:53.080
But it's, you know, and you don't have to have, it doesn't have to be like a

995
00:51:53.080 --> 00:51:55.160
serious, extreme conversation.

996
00:51:55.480 --> 00:51:59.280
Um, but it does have to be a conversation where you find out where's this guy's

997
00:51:59.280 --> 00:52:05.040
head at, you know, and you know, what is his intentions towards you, you know,

998
00:52:05.040 --> 00:52:07.400
long-term cool.

999
00:52:08.080 --> 00:52:08.400
Cool.

1000
00:52:08.400 --> 00:52:10.440
And you want to add anything to that?

1001
00:52:10.680 --> 00:52:14.840
Before I jump into Jennifer, I'd jump into Katie and keep going.

1002
00:52:15.320 --> 00:52:16.240
All right, Katie, what do you got?

1003
00:52:18.040 --> 00:52:18.480
Okay.

1004
00:52:18.600 --> 00:52:24.680
Um, I have, I started seeing somebody or dating somebody about just over six

1005
00:52:24.680 --> 00:52:31.120
weeks ago and we, he's local, we have mutual friends, we're acquaintances

1006
00:52:31.120 --> 00:52:36.160
before, I kind of blew him off at first and was like, nah, like that might be

1007
00:52:36.160 --> 00:52:38.680
weird if it didn't work out because we have so many mutual friends.

1008
00:52:39.080 --> 00:52:46.960
Well, we've been seeing each other, I would say two to three times a week for

1009
00:52:46.960 --> 00:52:50.080
six weeks, um, things are going really good.

1010
00:52:50.800 --> 00:53:00.400
Um, and I think that I'm starting to think about, I have kids, he doesn't, my

1011
00:53:00.400 --> 00:53:01.880
kids are 11 and 15.

1012
00:53:02.560 --> 00:53:09.080
Um, it's a, I live in a smaller ish town, so I'm just kind of wondering, I think

1013
00:53:09.080 --> 00:53:12.880
I don't, I'm just kind of concerned or not concerned isn't the right word.

1014
00:53:13.040 --> 00:53:16.320
I want to do it right about with kids and all of that.

1015
00:53:16.840 --> 00:53:22.080
Um, so yeah, six weeks in two to three times a week.

1016
00:53:22.080 --> 00:53:25.480
And your question for him is, you know, are you willing to move to my small

1017
00:53:25.480 --> 00:53:27.640
town if this works out between the two of us?

1018
00:53:28.040 --> 00:53:29.440
No, he's in my small town.

1019
00:53:29.760 --> 00:53:30.520
Oh, he is there.

1020
00:53:30.920 --> 00:53:31.440
Oh, yes.

1021
00:53:31.800 --> 00:53:36.360
Question is, do I need to wait like six months before he meets my kids?

1022
00:53:36.360 --> 00:53:38.720
Like how does that meeting your kids?

1023
00:53:38.920 --> 00:53:39.120
Yeah.

1024
00:53:39.120 --> 00:53:42.400
I wouldn't introduce him to your kids until you know, he is a contender for

1025
00:53:42.400 --> 00:53:46.800
marriage, you know, because your kids, you know, depending on, because we

1026
00:53:46.800 --> 00:53:49.440
never, we never can tell, you know, I was single mom too.

1027
00:53:49.440 --> 00:53:55.040
We can't, you don't know how much your child is craving a man until you know

1028
00:53:55.040 --> 00:53:59.560
how much your child is craving and guys, same way craving a mother figure or

1029
00:53:59.560 --> 00:54:00.000
whatever.

1030
00:54:00.240 --> 00:54:02.920
And so they can latch onto that really fast.

1031
00:54:03.280 --> 00:54:07.960
Um, I know that when my mom, when my mom brought home, you know, her husbands or

1032
00:54:07.960 --> 00:54:12.160
you know, who her boyfriends or whatever, I was that weird little kid who was

1033
00:54:12.160 --> 00:54:16.920
calling them dad within a week, you know, because I just so wanted a father.

1034
00:54:16.920 --> 00:54:19.320
And so, um, you never know what a kid's going to do.

1035
00:54:19.760 --> 00:54:24.560
And so it's important that, you know, you know, that this man is a man that you

1036
00:54:24.560 --> 00:54:29.680
could marry that if, you know, if, if things got there, like you could marry

1037
00:54:29.680 --> 00:54:33.280
him, if things got there, that you respect him, that he's a man of integrity, that

1038
00:54:33.280 --> 00:54:37.160
you love what you're learning about him, that he is someone that you would want.

1039
00:54:37.600 --> 00:54:41.720
You know, that, that would, would guard your children's heart in a good way.

1040
00:54:41.720 --> 00:54:44.600
If they, if you started allowing him to be around them.

1041
00:54:44.920 --> 00:54:49.160
And so those are the things you need to know before you let him meet them, but

1042
00:54:49.160 --> 00:54:53.600
you guys, if, if it's serious and you guys have talked about it, you're six

1043
00:54:53.600 --> 00:54:55.160
weeks, two to three times a week.

1044
00:54:55.600 --> 00:54:59.720
And at the age group that you're in, um, pretty soon, I'd say, you know,

1045
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.040
somewhere around the three month mark, you're going to know whether or not that this is a marriage

1046
00:55:05.040 --> 00:55:10.240
minded courtship. And when you know that, then discuss what it's going to look like for him to

1047
00:55:10.240 --> 00:55:14.320
get to know the kids, because that's when he's going to have to, because the kids may be a deal

1048
00:55:14.320 --> 00:55:19.440
breaker for him. I hate to say it that way, but you know, and that's why you got to need to get

1049
00:55:19.440 --> 00:55:25.040
to know them as well as you can beforehand, because yeah, we want to introduce the kids,

1050
00:55:25.840 --> 00:55:31.600
um, you know, not sooner rather than later, but at the same time, not to anyone who's not going

1051
00:55:31.600 --> 00:55:37.120
to understand that this love story comes with children included, and they already are wrapping

1052
00:55:37.120 --> 00:55:42.800
their head around that. And for those of you that have weird relationships with your former spouses

1053
00:55:42.800 --> 00:55:47.680
that were abusive, you know, you have a lot of volatility going on, um, that stuff that you'll

1054
00:55:47.680 --> 00:55:55.440
need to discuss as well, uh, in those, in those conversations, because they have to sign in,

1055
00:55:55.440 --> 00:55:59.280
they have to sign on for all that. Let them fall in love with you first

1056
00:56:00.160 --> 00:56:03.760
so that they can then love the things that are attached to you. Does that make sense?

1057
00:56:04.800 --> 00:56:11.440
Yep. Yeah. And you guys, my husband was my next door neighbor and our daughters played together

1058
00:56:11.440 --> 00:56:16.640
and we carpool each other's kids. So we already knew each other's kids when we were just friends

1059
00:56:16.640 --> 00:56:21.600
and neighbors. So that was really helpful for us, but I deal with a lot of blended family stuff

1060
00:56:21.600 --> 00:56:27.360
and you definitely don't want to introduce your kids until you're sure that this is someone that

1061
00:56:27.360 --> 00:56:34.320
you would marry them someday if it got to that place. Okay. Um, and let's see, I know

1062
00:56:35.040 --> 00:56:41.680
Corrine you were next. Is it Corrine or Corrine? Yeah. Corrine. Yeah, probably Corrine, but yeah,

1063
00:56:42.480 --> 00:56:52.560
it was Brazilian. I'm a Brazilian. So Jackie, I just had a broke up. Um, I thought I met my

1064
00:56:52.560 --> 00:56:59.360
spirit mate. I would meet my spirit mate before Christmas. It was really amazing. He lives in

1065
00:56:59.360 --> 00:57:06.320
town. Uh, we know each other's, um, yeah, we live in the community. We're from the same community.

1066
00:57:06.320 --> 00:57:15.680
Um, uh, we're dating for about two months. We would see each other a lot, which was really good

1067
00:57:15.680 --> 00:57:25.440
for me to get to know him. Uh, he is 11 years younger. So, um, 44, we talked about it. He was

1068
00:57:25.440 --> 00:57:33.760
like pretty okay with that. Talked about kids. Um, he was okay with it as well. So anyways, uh, I know

1069
00:57:33.760 --> 00:57:40.720
that I'm his first girlfriend after his divorce. That's one of the things that, um, actually helped

1070
00:57:40.720 --> 00:57:48.400
me realize that I could date someone because he had had a relationship. He told me he was okay

1071
00:57:48.400 --> 00:57:56.560
and he was ready for the relationship. Uh, so of course I, I asked God for some confirmations, but

1072
00:57:57.280 --> 00:58:04.640
I mean, in terms of how do I balance? Um, I just feel like it's hard for me right now to get over

1073
00:58:04.640 --> 00:58:11.280
it, especially because of our connection. Um, we had a lot of things in common and all, and

1074
00:58:11.280 --> 00:58:18.880
well, he broke up with me because he told me, God told him to let me go. And for me, it's really

1075
00:58:18.880 --> 00:58:25.200
hard. Cause I mean, I feel like there's of course the spiritual thing in it. And I pray and I pray

1076
00:58:25.200 --> 00:58:30.320
for confirmations. For me, it was totally different. I got a lot of different confirmations

1077
00:58:30.320 --> 00:58:37.600
about him being, couldn't, could, could be the one maybe. Right. Of course it's about choice,

1078
00:58:37.600 --> 00:58:45.120
but so yeah, I mean, it's just hard. I'm just in this mindset of like, Oh, am I going to find

1079
00:58:45.120 --> 00:58:54.080
someone better? Does God has the abundant beyond, you know? Cause for me, yeah. I loved like his

1080
00:58:54.080 --> 00:59:00.560
lifestyle, everything we talked about it. And he for sure he, he was in love. I have a feeling

1081
00:59:00.560 --> 00:59:06.960
that he got pretty scared. Um, right. And so, you know, I just said, I just, we're going to,

1082
00:59:06.960 --> 00:59:10.640
and you guys, the next past session is going to be more about attachment style. We're going to

1083
00:59:10.640 --> 00:59:15.440
dig into your attachment styles. You're going to take a quiz. Um, but relationship anxiety is a

1084
00:59:15.440 --> 00:59:21.440
real thing, especially for Christians and especially playing the God card. I feel like

1085
00:59:21.440 --> 00:59:25.920
God's telling me, no, I feel like God's telling me to break up with you. I feel like God is saying

1086
00:59:25.920 --> 00:59:31.920
that you're not the right person for me. And you guys so often that voice that people think is God

1087
00:59:31.920 --> 00:59:37.200
saying that to them is just their own anxiety, right? It's their own anxiety, letting them know

1088
00:59:37.200 --> 00:59:42.640
that, you know, that they're not ready basically. And so how are they going to get ready though?

1089
00:59:42.640 --> 00:59:47.520
How are they going to get ready? Especially if they're going to, you know, use God as a cop out

1090
00:59:48.160 --> 00:59:54.000
now, do I think that God ever says to somebody, Hey, you know, this person that you're falling

1091
00:59:54.000 --> 00:59:59.760
in love with or dating is not the right match for you. Do I think that God ever says that? Sure. But

1092
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.480
Far too many people think that God is saying that.

1093
01:00:03.480 --> 01:00:06.460
I mean, it's a crazy amount of people.

1094
01:00:06.460 --> 01:00:09.440
In fact, my daughter just messaged me last night.

1095
01:00:09.440 --> 01:00:12.560
She's in her early 20s, and one of her good friends

1096
01:00:12.560 --> 01:00:14.800
had a long-term boyfriend who was like,

1097
01:00:14.800 --> 01:00:17.340
they've been dating for a couple years now,

1098
01:00:17.340 --> 01:00:19.160
and he just broke up with her yesterday

1099
01:00:19.160 --> 01:00:21.560
for the same exact reason, Corinne.

1100
01:00:21.560 --> 01:00:26.140
He said that God said that he needed to let her go,

1101
01:00:26.140 --> 01:00:27.480
just out of nowhere.

1102
01:00:27.480 --> 01:00:29.520
And so I do think that people are running

1103
01:00:29.600 --> 01:00:31.180
into their own attachment styles,

1104
01:00:31.180 --> 01:00:33.760
or running into their own unhealed traumas.

1105
01:00:33.760 --> 01:00:35.080
They're running into fear,

1106
01:00:35.080 --> 01:00:38.140
especially when things are starting to get serious

1107
01:00:38.140 --> 01:00:41.040
and there's nowhere else to go except to marriage.

1108
01:00:41.040 --> 01:00:42.240
When things start to get serious,

1109
01:00:42.240 --> 01:00:44.280
there's nowhere else to go except to marriage.

1110
01:00:44.280 --> 01:00:47.560
And so it's like, oh, I better get off the boat soon

1111
01:00:47.560 --> 01:00:50.640
because the next destination is marriage land.

1112
01:00:50.640 --> 01:00:52.500
You know, we've been sailing for a while now,

1113
01:00:52.500 --> 01:00:55.200
and it's like, I can't see the land that I came from.

1114
01:00:55.200 --> 01:00:58.660
And the thing is, is a lot of this is unconscious.

1115
01:00:58.660 --> 01:01:00.420
It's unconscious behavior.

1116
01:01:00.420 --> 01:01:03.140
And so it's important that people are, first of all,

1117
01:01:03.140 --> 01:01:04.140
dealing with their anxiety.

1118
01:01:04.140 --> 01:01:06.180
They're dealing with their fear of marriage.

1119
01:01:06.180 --> 01:01:07.640
They're dealing with all the stereotypes

1120
01:01:07.640 --> 01:01:09.420
that they believe about marriage.

1121
01:01:09.420 --> 01:01:11.300
They're also, and this is really important.

1122
01:01:11.300 --> 01:01:12.940
I want, for those of you that struggle

1123
01:01:12.940 --> 01:01:15.620
with relationship anxiety, and I did not say this

1124
01:01:16.560 --> 01:01:18.940
at our last session about relationship anxiety,

1125
01:01:18.940 --> 01:01:20.240
and all you phase two girls,

1126
01:01:20.240 --> 01:01:21.500
you don't know what I'm talking about

1127
01:01:21.500 --> 01:01:22.420
because you weren't there for that

1128
01:01:22.420 --> 01:01:24.840
because that's part of phase three path sessions,

1129
01:01:24.840 --> 01:01:26.780
but we're, don't worry.

1130
01:01:26.780 --> 01:01:28.380
We're gonna make sure that you get involved

1131
01:01:29.100 --> 01:01:29.940
with all of that.

1132
01:01:29.940 --> 01:01:30.940
Actually, I think we did invite you guys to that.

1133
01:01:30.940 --> 01:01:32.420
You were at that.

1134
01:01:32.420 --> 01:01:37.420
So, but part of the problem with,

1135
01:01:38.020 --> 01:01:41.100
part of the root of relationship anxiety

1136
01:01:41.100 --> 01:01:43.660
when we get closer to, you know,

1137
01:01:43.660 --> 01:01:45.000
are we going to go all the way

1138
01:01:45.000 --> 01:01:46.920
or aren't we gonna go all the way to marriage

1139
01:01:46.920 --> 01:01:51.920
is people don't understand that so much of your love

1140
01:01:52.380 --> 01:01:56.780
for each other only happens after marriage.

1141
01:01:58.460 --> 01:02:01.180
The moment that I said I do to David Dorman

1142
01:02:01.180 --> 01:02:04.100
17-ish years ago at the altar,

1143
01:02:04.100 --> 01:02:08.260
I love him exponentially more than I did that day.

1144
01:02:09.420 --> 01:02:13.240
You know, I loved him that day.

1145
01:02:13.240 --> 01:02:15.780
You know, I definitely had infatuation

1146
01:02:15.780 --> 01:02:17.740
and respect for him that day,

1147
01:02:17.740 --> 01:02:21.060
but the love that I have for him is so different

1148
01:02:21.060 --> 01:02:24.220
and so much bigger than that day.

1149
01:02:24.220 --> 01:02:26.580
And I feel like we don't understand

1150
01:02:26.580 --> 01:02:28.300
and we unconsciously think that

1151
01:02:28.300 --> 01:02:30.140
it's like all downhill from there.

1152
01:02:30.140 --> 01:02:33.420
And so I better be like on fire for this person,

1153
01:02:33.420 --> 01:02:36.940
like about to like combust at the altar

1154
01:02:36.940 --> 01:02:39.500
the day I marry them or they're just the wrong person.

1155
01:02:39.500 --> 01:02:43.400
No, actually that's probably more of a red flag

1156
01:02:43.400 --> 01:02:45.940
where that's probably more of a fleshmate situation.

1157
01:02:45.940 --> 01:02:47.980
Not that you shouldn't be physically attracted,

1158
01:02:47.980 --> 01:02:49.980
not that you shouldn't be infatuated,

1159
01:02:49.980 --> 01:02:51.700
but if you also don't feel safe,

1160
01:02:51.700 --> 01:02:55.100
if you also don't feel peaceful with that person,

1161
01:02:55.100 --> 01:02:58.100
that person makes you feel peaceful and not chaotic.

1162
01:02:58.100 --> 01:02:59.660
They make you feel safe.

1163
01:02:59.660 --> 01:03:01.820
You know, you feel like you can be yourself around them.

1164
01:03:01.820 --> 01:03:03.500
You feel like you can tell them anything

1165
01:03:03.500 --> 01:03:04.900
and that they're not gonna reject you,

1166
01:03:04.900 --> 01:03:07.460
they're gonna accept you, right?

1167
01:03:07.460 --> 01:03:10.200
These are more important green flags

1168
01:03:10.200 --> 01:03:13.860
than just being head over heels, goofy in love,

1169
01:03:13.860 --> 01:03:16.340
especially if you're beyond the age

1170
01:03:16.340 --> 01:03:18.540
of head over heels, goofy in love.

1171
01:03:18.540 --> 01:03:22.460
Now, infatuation should be part of all of our mixes,

1172
01:03:22.460 --> 01:03:25.140
but when we're kids and we don't understand

1173
01:03:25.140 --> 01:03:26.700
what life's really about,

1174
01:03:26.700 --> 01:03:28.660
we have a tendency to kind of like

1175
01:03:28.660 --> 01:03:30.900
throw everything to the wind.

1176
01:03:30.900 --> 01:03:32.460
We have a tendency to write our name

1177
01:03:32.460 --> 01:03:34.020
over and over again on a notebook,

1178
01:03:34.020 --> 01:03:35.580
just seeing how it would sound

1179
01:03:35.580 --> 01:03:38.060
with this man's last name connected to it,

1180
01:03:38.060 --> 01:03:41.460
or, you know, do whatever it is that we do because why?

1181
01:03:41.460 --> 01:03:43.600
Because it's a very immature way of thinking.

1182
01:03:43.600 --> 01:03:45.700
We don't know anything about the world yet.

1183
01:03:45.700 --> 01:03:49.660
We don't understand what goes into relationship yet.

1184
01:03:49.660 --> 01:03:51.220
And so friends, I wanna let you know

1185
01:03:51.220 --> 01:03:54.160
that depending on the relationships that you've had

1186
01:03:54.160 --> 01:03:56.740
and the experiences that you've had,

1187
01:03:56.740 --> 01:03:58.820
part of what happens when you start to get serious

1188
01:03:58.820 --> 01:04:01.980
about someone is you start to run into the objections

1189
01:04:01.980 --> 01:04:05.100
of, you know, the things that you know have to happen

1190
01:04:05.100 --> 01:04:06.620
in order to have a good relationship.

1191
01:04:06.620 --> 01:04:08.900
You start to run into unhealed trauma.

1192
01:04:08.900 --> 01:04:10.820
You start to run into, you know,

1193
01:04:10.820 --> 01:04:13.100
the fear of adequacy and failure

1194
01:04:13.100 --> 01:04:15.000
and all different types of things.

1195
01:04:15.000 --> 01:04:17.540
And you know what it all shows up as?

1196
01:04:17.540 --> 01:04:19.240
A lot of times it shows up as,

1197
01:04:20.120 --> 01:04:22.080
what if this is the wrong person for me?

1198
01:04:23.000 --> 01:04:23.840
You know?

1199
01:04:23.840 --> 01:04:26.120
And then what happens because you're feeling anxieties,

1200
01:04:26.120 --> 01:04:28.860
you start to take that as a sign that God's telling you

1201
01:04:28.860 --> 01:04:31.300
that this is not the right person for you.

1202
01:04:31.300 --> 01:04:32.520
Well, if this is the right person for me,

1203
01:04:32.520 --> 01:04:35.040
then I would feel completely secure.

1204
01:04:35.880 --> 01:04:37.000
I would feel like,

1205
01:04:37.000 --> 01:04:40.920
I would just feel total security in this moment, right?

1206
01:04:40.920 --> 01:04:41.760
That's not true.

1207
01:04:43.000 --> 01:04:44.160
You're not gonna feel total security

1208
01:04:44.160 --> 01:04:45.420
about anything in your life

1209
01:04:45.420 --> 01:04:48.540
if you're someone who has unhealed trauma.

1210
01:04:50.240 --> 01:04:51.640
You gotta unpack that stuff.

1211
01:04:51.640 --> 01:04:53.480
You gotta find out what's at the root of it.

1212
01:04:53.480 --> 01:04:55.340
Don't just assume that it's God.

1213
01:04:56.360 --> 01:04:57.840
I know so many people that are like,

1214
01:04:57.840 --> 01:05:00.000
well, I feel uneasy about this, so I.

1215
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.640
I think that's God telling me not to do it,

1216
01:05:01.640 --> 01:05:02.920
about all kinds of stuff.

1217
01:05:02.920 --> 01:05:04.340
I feel uneasy about this trip,

1218
01:05:04.340 --> 01:05:06.960
so God must be telling me not to go.

1219
01:05:06.960 --> 01:05:10.300
Unpack your uneasiness, find out what's at the root of it,

1220
01:05:10.300 --> 01:05:12.960
because I guarantee you, it's not God.

1221
01:05:14.080 --> 01:05:18.120
God does not give us fear to keep us from doing things.

1222
01:05:18.120 --> 01:05:20.620
He doesn't have fear, and he doesn't dole it out

1223
01:05:21.720 --> 01:05:23.920
to try to keep you safe.

1224
01:05:23.920 --> 01:05:25.300
Think about that for a second.

1225
01:05:25.300 --> 01:05:27.400
God gives me fear to keep me safe, what?

1226
01:05:28.240 --> 01:05:32.560
God gives me fear about something to keep me safe,

1227
01:05:32.560 --> 01:05:36.080
which is a byproduct of love and peace.

1228
01:05:36.080 --> 01:05:38.440
He gives me fear to give me peace.

1229
01:05:38.440 --> 01:05:41.820
That doesn't make any sense, right?

1230
01:05:41.820 --> 01:05:43.960
So God does not give us fear,

1231
01:05:43.960 --> 01:05:46.080
he doesn't make us afraid of things,

1232
01:05:46.080 --> 01:05:48.680
he doesn't give us evil forebodings

1233
01:05:48.680 --> 01:05:50.480
and warnings about things.

1234
01:05:50.480 --> 01:05:53.160
That's not the way that works, okay?

1235
01:05:53.160 --> 01:05:55.120
So we need to unpack that stuff.

1236
01:05:55.920 --> 01:05:57.440
To answer Corinne's question,

1237
01:05:57.440 --> 01:06:00.980
obviously this is his choice, it's his free will,

1238
01:06:00.980 --> 01:06:03.400
there's nothing you can do about that.

1239
01:06:03.400 --> 01:06:05.280
It could be a whole myriad of things

1240
01:06:05.280 --> 01:06:06.680
that are causing him to do this

1241
01:06:06.680 --> 01:06:08.500
and think that God's saying that.

1242
01:06:08.500 --> 01:06:09.800
What I don't want you to do,

1243
01:06:09.800 --> 01:06:11.080
and I want everyone to listen here

1244
01:06:11.080 --> 01:06:13.400
that's been broken up with because someone said,

1245
01:06:13.400 --> 01:06:15.840
God told them to, don't get mad at God.

1246
01:06:17.840 --> 01:06:20.160
Because think about it, you really like this person,

1247
01:06:20.160 --> 01:06:24.060
you are falling in love with them, and God told them no?

1248
01:06:26.040 --> 01:06:27.760
Don't you love me, God?

1249
01:06:27.760 --> 01:06:29.200
Why would you tell them no?

1250
01:06:30.480 --> 01:06:32.320
I really love being with them,

1251
01:06:32.320 --> 01:06:34.640
I saw myself with them, I saw us together,

1252
01:06:34.640 --> 01:06:37.320
why would you do that?

1253
01:06:37.320 --> 01:06:38.680
Do you feel rejected?

1254
01:06:38.680 --> 01:06:41.620
And not just by them, now you feel rejected by God.

1255
01:06:43.140 --> 01:06:44.840
I'm not good enough for them, God?

1256
01:06:46.560 --> 01:06:48.920
Because he didn't tell you no, he told them no.

1257
01:06:50.300 --> 01:06:51.620
Do you guys get what I'm saying?

1258
01:06:51.620 --> 01:06:53.520
How you could just start to feel like,

1259
01:06:55.640 --> 01:06:58.600
you're some sort of lower quality than them

1260
01:06:58.600 --> 01:07:00.680
or something that God would say it.

1261
01:07:00.680 --> 01:07:02.760
You don't feel protected by God because once again,

1262
01:07:02.760 --> 01:07:04.760
he didn't tell you no, he told them no.

1263
01:07:06.160 --> 01:07:08.840
And so it's important that we understand that

1264
01:07:08.840 --> 01:07:10.460
a lot of times it's not God,

1265
01:07:11.400 --> 01:07:13.800
I would say very small percentage of times

1266
01:07:13.800 --> 01:07:15.240
it's God actually saying,

1267
01:07:15.240 --> 01:07:16.640
because remember, God gave us choice,

1268
01:07:16.640 --> 01:07:19.680
he gave us free will, he gave us free will.

1269
01:07:19.680 --> 01:07:24.680
So God is more likely to begin to allow you to see

1270
01:07:25.200 --> 01:07:28.080
all the areas of incompatibility.

1271
01:07:28.080 --> 01:07:29.920
If you continue to surrender the pen to God,

1272
01:07:29.920 --> 01:07:34.920
God's more likely to let you start to have some conflict

1273
01:07:36.200 --> 01:07:38.320
that brings some stuff to the surface

1274
01:07:38.320 --> 01:07:42.200
that you see how you're not gonna work through it, right?

1275
01:07:42.200 --> 01:07:44.040
Because they're either unteachable

1276
01:07:44.040 --> 01:07:47.560
or you're stubborn in that area, there's something,

1277
01:07:47.560 --> 01:07:51.200
that's more likely how God will be a matchbreaker,

1278
01:07:51.200 --> 01:07:54.640
not God just saying, let them go,

1279
01:07:54.640 --> 01:07:56.560
don't marry them.

1280
01:07:56.560 --> 01:07:59.000
Now, if you're in a dangerous situation

1281
01:07:59.000 --> 01:08:01.720
with someone who's completely unsafe,

1282
01:08:01.720 --> 01:08:03.560
and God's gonna kind of like grab you

1283
01:08:03.560 --> 01:08:06.160
by the back of your shirt before you fall off the cliff,

1284
01:08:06.160 --> 01:08:07.840
that's definitely something.

1285
01:08:07.840 --> 01:08:10.800
But you guys, those situations are very few and far between.

1286
01:08:10.800 --> 01:08:12.800
And a lot of times you've known for a long time

1287
01:08:12.800 --> 01:08:15.360
because you've been driving through the detour signs

1288
01:08:15.360 --> 01:08:18.120
and the turn back signs and the dead end road signs

1289
01:08:18.120 --> 01:08:20.240
for a while in that relationship

1290
01:08:20.240 --> 01:08:21.880
before you finally get to that place

1291
01:08:21.880 --> 01:08:23.760
where you feel like God's kind of pulling you back

1292
01:08:23.760 --> 01:08:25.640
because he loves you, right?

1293
01:08:25.640 --> 01:08:27.160
I know that that was a really long answer,

1294
01:08:27.160 --> 01:08:28.399
but I think it's super important

1295
01:08:28.399 --> 01:08:31.840
because so many people feel like they have been,

1296
01:08:36.920 --> 01:08:39.359
if you're offended by this, I apologize,

1297
01:08:39.359 --> 01:08:41.240
but cock-blocked by God.

1298
01:08:41.240 --> 01:08:45.000
And it's just really crazy, you know,

1299
01:08:45.000 --> 01:08:48.600
where God just shows up and says, nope, you don't get them.

1300
01:08:49.439 --> 01:08:53.840
It's like, what, what the heck, you know?

1301
01:08:53.840 --> 01:08:55.359
And if you don't know what that word means,

1302
01:08:55.359 --> 01:08:56.399
do not Google it.

1303
01:08:56.399 --> 01:08:58.200
It's the stuff the kids say nowadays

1304
01:08:58.200 --> 01:09:00.600
when someone kind of comes and they like, you know,

1305
01:09:00.600 --> 01:09:02.520
divert someone's attention away from you

1306
01:09:02.520 --> 01:09:04.560
and keep you from getting able

1307
01:09:04.560 --> 01:09:06.359
to get into a relationship with them.

1308
01:09:06.359 --> 01:09:09.040
All right, so I apologize if that was off color,

1309
01:09:09.040 --> 01:09:09.880
but you know what?

1310
01:09:09.880 --> 01:09:10.800
I come from the Christians

1311
01:09:10.800 --> 01:09:14.880
who cuss a little tiny bit place, just a little bit.

1312
01:09:16.359 --> 01:09:18.040
Okay, all right.

1313
01:09:18.080 --> 01:09:21.439
So I'm working on it, y'all, pray for me.

1314
01:09:21.439 --> 01:09:22.680
I'm working on it.

1315
01:09:22.680 --> 01:09:23.880
Okay.

1316
01:09:23.880 --> 01:09:28.399
Can I just say something then about,

1317
01:09:28.399 --> 01:09:30.840
well, for me, it was so confusing.

1318
01:09:30.840 --> 01:09:32.359
Thank you so much for that.

1319
01:09:32.359 --> 01:09:33.960
Cause I remember when he broke up,

1320
01:09:33.960 --> 01:09:36.600
he was like, if I could choose

1321
01:09:36.600 --> 01:09:40.160
with everything I have right now, it's so perfect.

1322
01:09:40.160 --> 01:09:41.800
I feel so attracted to you.

1323
01:09:41.800 --> 01:09:43.720
I feel like we have the best connection.

1324
01:09:43.720 --> 01:09:45.560
I feel that and that and that and that.

1325
01:09:45.560 --> 01:09:50.560
And I could see that for our daily, whatever, you know?

1326
01:09:51.960 --> 01:09:54.320
And then he said, but he is telling me that.

1327
01:09:54.320 --> 01:09:55.760
And I don't know.

1328
01:09:55.760 --> 01:09:56.600
It's just like-

1329
01:09:56.600 --> 01:09:59.280
Corinne, I'm telling you, babe, somebody got to him.

1330
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:07.680
God's telling him that through the advice of somebody else, like, yes, listen, you know,

1331
01:10:07.680 --> 01:10:11.760
whether it's the age difference or whether it's like, guys, and I've heard this so many

1332
01:10:11.760 --> 01:10:14.320
times, I feel like we have to talk about it.

1333
01:10:14.320 --> 01:10:20.600
So many people say things like, I don't feel like our callings are aligned, y'all listen

1334
01:10:20.600 --> 01:10:25.620
up calling, all of you are called to the very same thing.

1335
01:10:25.620 --> 01:10:28.820
And anyone that you ever meet in this life, it's a Christ follower is called to the very

1336
01:10:28.820 --> 01:10:29.820
same thing.

1337
01:10:29.820 --> 01:10:35.040
And that is to show this era, this age, this culture, this world, what it looks like to

1338
01:10:35.040 --> 01:10:36.640
be a son or daughter of God.

1339
01:10:36.640 --> 01:10:43.420
That is all of our callings that can take a million different, you know, directions.

1340
01:10:43.420 --> 01:10:47.840
And when we come together and we get married, there'll be a mixture of our callings.

1341
01:10:47.840 --> 01:10:53.100
Now, if you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are still called to overseas missions

1342
01:10:53.100 --> 01:10:58.060
and that you should be in a country and you're like, you're supposed to be there, you need

1343
01:10:58.060 --> 01:10:59.060
to be there.

1344
01:10:59.060 --> 01:11:03.600
Your passion is there, your desire is there, and you're going to live there for the rest

1345
01:11:03.600 --> 01:11:04.600
of your life.

1346
01:11:04.600 --> 01:11:06.980
Then of course, that person's going to want to have to live there.

1347
01:11:06.980 --> 01:11:11.580
And more likely than not, God's going to give you a national, someone who's from that country

1348
01:11:11.580 --> 01:11:15.280
that already lives there as your spouse, as your mate, if that's your calling.

1349
01:11:15.280 --> 01:11:18.200
Because so, so very few people are called to that.

1350
01:11:18.200 --> 01:11:22.020
Even if you have a missions calling, it doesn't mean you're going to stay in other places

1351
01:11:22.020 --> 01:11:23.740
all the rest of your life.

1352
01:11:23.740 --> 01:11:24.740
Okay.

1353
01:11:24.940 --> 01:11:29.420
I know so many missionaries that have been called back to America lately because y'all,

1354
01:11:29.420 --> 01:11:30.700
America needs Jesus.

1355
01:11:30.700 --> 01:11:34.460
I know that we think it's other countries that need Jesus, but America needs Jesus.

1356
01:11:34.460 --> 01:11:35.460
Okay.

1357
01:11:35.460 --> 01:11:39.380
And so, so many missionaries are coming back from foreign fields to here, you know, and

1358
01:11:39.380 --> 01:11:42.380
so you got to just hand the pen.

1359
01:11:42.380 --> 01:11:46.020
What's most important when you're matching with someone is that if you're the kind of

1360
01:11:46.020 --> 01:11:49.860
person that if God says, Hey, you know, will you go?

1361
01:11:49.860 --> 01:11:55.460
And you're like, yes, choose me that you marry someone who's also like that.

1362
01:11:55.460 --> 01:12:00.620
Who's willing to go any crazy place that God sends them, not just geographically, but just

1363
01:12:00.620 --> 01:12:04.420
like, Hey, you know, let's, uh, let's get up and move to Texas.

1364
01:12:04.420 --> 01:12:09.140
Me and David Dorman, let's put all of our stuff in a U-Haul and just move to Texas.

1365
01:12:09.140 --> 01:12:12.300
We don't have anywhere to live, but God's telling us that we need to go.

1366
01:12:12.300 --> 01:12:14.140
And we both confirmed that for each other.

1367
01:12:14.140 --> 01:12:16.700
And then we came here with no place to live.

1368
01:12:16.700 --> 01:12:19.060
You got to marry people that are crazy like that.

1369
01:12:19.060 --> 01:12:24.980
If you are crazy like that, not all people are crazy like that, but if you are, then

1370
01:12:24.980 --> 01:12:26.900
make sure you marry someone like that.

1371
01:12:26.900 --> 01:12:28.860
So Corinne, I don't know.

1372
01:12:28.860 --> 01:12:33.300
I don't know if his friends, if his family, if his pastor, I will say this, you can't

1373
01:12:33.300 --> 01:12:34.500
miss on your spirit mate.

1374
01:12:34.500 --> 01:12:36.380
So right now we just say this.

1375
01:12:36.380 --> 01:12:42.780
If this is your spirit mate, Lord, we pray that whatever he's listening to, that's causing

1376
01:12:42.780 --> 01:12:48.900
him to get cold feet, that he hears very clearly Proverbs 18 22, that he has found

1377
01:12:48.900 --> 01:12:51.900
a good thing and obtained favor from the Lord.

1378
01:12:51.900 --> 01:12:54.060
Cause I don't believe you can miss out guys.

1379
01:12:54.060 --> 01:12:56.900
Case in point, there was a wedding a couple of weeks ago.

1380
01:12:56.900 --> 01:12:58.220
I met her in New York city.

1381
01:12:58.220 --> 01:12:59.220
I'm going to be there again.

1382
01:12:59.220 --> 01:13:02.700
You guys next weekend, we're sending out an email for all of you that want to discount

1383
01:13:02.700 --> 01:13:03.700
a ticket.

1384
01:13:03.700 --> 01:13:04.700
Okay.

1385
01:13:04.700 --> 01:13:09.380
Um, they are going to, uh, they, they just got married, but he broke up with her years

1386
01:13:09.380 --> 01:13:10.380
ago.

1387
01:13:10.380 --> 01:13:13.060
And I was heartbroken at this conference that I met her at because she still was in

1388
01:13:13.060 --> 01:13:19.700
love with this person that broke up with her a few years earlier because his spiritual

1389
01:13:19.700 --> 01:13:25.500
leader in his life set, told him that she wasn't the person for him.

1390
01:13:25.500 --> 01:13:28.260
And he listened to that because he trusted this person spiritually.

1391
01:13:28.260 --> 01:13:29.260
Well, guess what?

1392
01:13:29.260 --> 01:13:31.700
That person was wrong.

1393
01:13:31.700 --> 01:13:36.060
And this boy never got over her, never got past it.

1394
01:13:36.060 --> 01:13:40.900
And then that spiritual leader got into some situations where it looked like he wasn't

1395
01:13:40.900 --> 01:13:44.380
really hearing from the Lord as much as this kid thought he was.

1396
01:13:44.380 --> 01:13:48.100
And then this kid woke up and realized, you know what?

1397
01:13:48.100 --> 01:13:49.700
This wasn't from God.

1398
01:13:49.700 --> 01:13:51.380
And he got back in touch with her.

1399
01:13:51.380 --> 01:13:52.380
She was still single.

1400
01:13:52.380 --> 01:13:54.100
She was still waiting on him too.

1401
01:13:54.100 --> 01:13:55.940
And now they're married.

1402
01:13:55.940 --> 01:14:04.260
So let's all give a high five to Holy spirit because that is what happens, but we don't

1403
01:14:04.260 --> 01:14:05.260
listen.

1404
01:14:05.460 --> 01:14:07.140
We don't want to wait a couple of years.

1405
01:14:07.140 --> 01:14:08.860
We want to listen to God now.

1406
01:14:08.860 --> 01:14:12.140
And we, we want to make sure you guys, if you feel like God is telling you something

1407
01:14:12.140 --> 01:14:15.700
super serious, like the person that you're falling in love with, that they're not the

1408
01:14:15.700 --> 01:14:21.220
one for you ask for confirmations of that and not through all your own prayer and your

1409
01:14:21.220 --> 01:14:28.100
own fasting outward confirmations in a multitude of counselors or a safety, the mouth of two

1410
01:14:28.100 --> 01:14:31.300
or three witnesses, let a word be established.

1411
01:14:31.300 --> 01:14:32.300
Okay.

1412
01:14:32.300 --> 01:14:33.300
That's really important.

1413
01:14:33.300 --> 01:14:38.220
We don't make huge, important decisions on that based on some kind of, you know, thing

1414
01:14:38.220 --> 01:14:40.220
that you think God is saying to you.

1415
01:14:40.220 --> 01:14:41.380
All right.

1416
01:14:41.380 --> 01:14:45.340
We don't want to do that because that's where that's where relationship anxiety starts to

1417
01:14:45.340 --> 01:14:49.340
sound a whole lot like God and it's not him.

1418
01:14:49.340 --> 01:14:52.700
Okay.

1419
01:14:52.700 --> 01:14:53.980
Is there advice on what to do with the guy?

1420
01:14:53.980 --> 01:14:58.020
If you already messed up physically with them, are we advised to cut off communication?

1421
01:14:58.020 --> 01:14:59.900
I mean, there are people that have.

1422
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.440
on too far physically with people that they're married to now, and you do have to overcome

1423
01:15:04.440 --> 01:15:06.840
some trust issues with that.

1424
01:15:06.840 --> 01:15:11.880
Um, but there are people that are happily married that have even gone as far as having,

1425
01:15:11.880 --> 01:15:14.920
you know, premarital intercourse before they got married.

1426
01:15:14.920 --> 01:15:20.920
It just depends on whether or not you're willing to deal with what caused you to, you know,

1427
01:15:20.920 --> 01:15:24.120
cause a lot of times those are less based relationships.

1428
01:15:24.120 --> 01:15:27.660
And so we don't obviously want to be married to someone based on lust and we don't want

1429
01:15:27.660 --> 01:15:28.900
to marry flesh mates.

1430
01:15:28.900 --> 01:15:30.360
We want spirit mates.

1431
01:15:30.360 --> 01:15:32.360
Do we want to be attracted to their flesh?

1432
01:15:32.360 --> 01:15:33.360
Yes.

1433
01:15:33.360 --> 01:15:35.920
But your body shouldn't get the big, the biggest vote.

1434
01:15:35.920 --> 01:15:36.920
Okay.

1435
01:15:36.920 --> 01:15:42.240
Your spirit and your soul, they need to be on board first and then your body then gets

1436
01:15:42.240 --> 01:15:43.240
it.

1437
01:15:43.240 --> 01:15:44.240
Right.

1438
01:15:44.240 --> 01:15:47.960
Think of it as, you know, the United States government, it's, it's supposed to be a three

1439
01:15:47.960 --> 01:15:53.900
branch government where one branch can't just run amok and do whatever it wants to do.

1440
01:15:53.900 --> 01:15:56.200
The same thing with your attractions.

1441
01:15:56.200 --> 01:15:57.200
Okay.

1442
01:15:57.740 --> 01:16:01.180
You can't have your body doesn't get the executive veto.

1443
01:16:01.180 --> 01:16:04.660
It doesn't get to say, I don't care what you're saying, spirit and soul.

1444
01:16:04.660 --> 01:16:05.660
I got the hots.

1445
01:16:05.660 --> 01:16:06.660
All right.

1446
01:16:06.660 --> 01:16:09.140
I'm hot to try right now.

1447
01:16:09.140 --> 01:16:10.460
And I choose him.

1448
01:16:10.460 --> 01:16:13.820
And so that's not what gets to happen.

1449
01:16:13.820 --> 01:16:14.820
Okay.

1450
01:16:14.820 --> 01:16:19.300
Or I choose her and guys, you too, I always forget you're here.

1451
01:16:19.300 --> 01:16:21.300
So I, I apologize.

1452
01:16:21.300 --> 01:16:22.760
All right.

1453
01:16:22.760 --> 01:16:27.420
So one girl who I grew up in, so, so Mary, it could, it's, it's more about, is it a lust

1454
01:16:27.420 --> 01:16:28.420
issue?

1455
01:16:28.420 --> 01:16:33.900
It's not about messing up physically, you guys, this is not like, God doesn't hide sex

1456
01:16:33.900 --> 01:16:35.760
from you.

1457
01:16:35.760 --> 01:16:39.820
He saves it for you in covenant for a reason, because it's Holy.

1458
01:16:39.820 --> 01:16:40.980
It's not common.

1459
01:16:40.980 --> 01:16:44.680
It's Holy, Holy stuff happens during sex.

1460
01:16:44.680 --> 01:16:51.340
Even if you're not trying to have Holy stuff happen, supernatural stuff happens during sex.

1461
01:16:51.340 --> 01:16:54.480
Even if you're not trying to have supernatural stuff happen.

1462
01:16:54.480 --> 01:16:58.080
And the problem is that some of that supernatural stuff that happens is not good stuff.

1463
01:16:58.080 --> 01:17:00.240
If it's not a good thing.

1464
01:17:00.240 --> 01:17:04.520
And so it's important that we understand that and stop making sex so common.

1465
01:17:04.520 --> 01:17:06.560
It's not common.

1466
01:17:06.560 --> 01:17:09.440
I was supposed to stay with someone who was controlling and manipulative and made me feel

1467
01:17:09.440 --> 01:17:13.560
that I wasn't good enough for them, but I thought they were the one.

1468
01:17:13.560 --> 01:17:16.320
So I have no idea what's going on with that question.

1469
01:17:16.320 --> 01:17:17.640
That seems kind of out of pocket.

1470
01:17:17.640 --> 01:17:19.680
So I'm not sure what that means.

1471
01:17:19.680 --> 01:17:20.680
Okay.

1472
01:17:21.680 --> 01:17:24.360
I, I'm just coming in the middle of the conversation.

1473
01:17:24.360 --> 01:17:27.220
So hopefully Renee, you're fielding those.

1474
01:17:27.220 --> 01:17:28.220
Okay.

1475
01:17:28.220 --> 01:17:29.220
All right.

1476
01:17:29.220 --> 01:17:30.220
Anyone else?

1477
01:17:30.220 --> 01:17:31.220
Jennifer loves to go for it.

1478
01:17:31.220 --> 01:17:32.220
Okay.

1479
01:17:32.220 --> 01:17:33.220
Here we go.

1480
01:17:33.220 --> 01:17:34.220
Okay.

1481
01:17:34.220 --> 01:17:40.940
So I have been in the program a couple of years and I got into a, I've been, it's been

1482
01:17:40.940 --> 01:17:43.660
10 months since I met the guy I've been dating.

1483
01:17:43.660 --> 01:17:44.660
Boyfriend.

1484
01:17:44.660 --> 01:17:45.660
Jennifer.

1485
01:17:45.660 --> 01:17:47.700
I think that it's important to tell people that you came in as a widow.

1486
01:17:47.700 --> 01:17:48.700
Yeah.

1487
01:17:48.700 --> 01:17:49.700
I was going to say that.

1488
01:17:49.720 --> 01:17:50.720
Yeah.

1489
01:17:50.720 --> 01:17:51.720
Okay.

1490
01:17:51.720 --> 01:17:52.720
I came in as a widow.

1491
01:17:52.720 --> 01:17:53.720
It's been seven years.

1492
01:17:53.720 --> 01:17:57.960
And so I've had a lot of fear and anxiety just moving forward, moving on with my life,

1493
01:17:57.960 --> 01:17:58.960
all this.

1494
01:17:58.960 --> 01:18:06.720
And so I met this guy online and just things really were matching and still are with just

1495
01:18:06.720 --> 01:18:11.080
a lot of things, spiritually, emotionally, physically, things like that.

1496
01:18:11.080 --> 01:18:12.820
But we kind of hit some rough spots.

1497
01:18:12.820 --> 01:18:16.720
So all this attachment stuff, I feel avoidant, anxiety, relational.

1498
01:18:16.720 --> 01:18:19.800
I think I've got that.

1499
01:18:19.800 --> 01:18:26.200
I just trying to figure out that our compatibility mostly, however, we ran into some tough stuff

1500
01:18:26.200 --> 01:18:30.200
in like December around my birthday and it just got awkward.

1501
01:18:30.200 --> 01:18:32.480
And he has like, I think some fears of rejection.

1502
01:18:32.480 --> 01:18:38.020
So he kind of starts shutting down and we had plans for Christmas Eve and he's like,

1503
01:18:38.020 --> 01:18:41.880
we had a calendar invite and all of a sudden he just deleted it and never said anything

1504
01:18:41.880 --> 01:18:42.880
about it.

1505
01:18:42.880 --> 01:18:45.800
And so there's this conversation about why are you doing that?

1506
01:18:45.800 --> 01:18:48.200
Or he would just text weird things kind of like that.

1507
01:18:48.200 --> 01:18:50.200
And I just, I would get triggered.

1508
01:18:50.200 --> 01:18:53.640
And then I was like, well, I don't know if this is the guy for me because we can't communicate

1509
01:18:53.640 --> 01:18:57.180
and he's just shutting me out of his life or he'll be like, I got to go.

1510
01:18:57.180 --> 01:18:58.940
So these little things were happening.

1511
01:18:58.940 --> 01:19:02.800
We worked it out after new year's I'm like, and he told me some things I was doing, which

1512
01:19:02.800 --> 01:19:08.000
wasn't like giving him as much back, which I felt I wasn't like I was insecure at that

1513
01:19:08.000 --> 01:19:09.000
point.

1514
01:19:09.000 --> 01:19:10.000
So I wasn't giving him the love.

1515
01:19:10.000 --> 01:19:13.880
I wasn't giving him the, the, the, the, like, you know, I want to be with you feel.

1516
01:19:13.880 --> 01:19:18.200
So we went through Symbus even, and I went through going, this will help us know whether

1517
01:19:18.200 --> 01:19:20.520
or not this could be the thing he's met my kids.

1518
01:19:20.520 --> 01:19:21.520
My kids love him.

1519
01:19:21.520 --> 01:19:23.660
They're like, mom, what are you doing?

1520
01:19:23.660 --> 01:19:26.040
We basically almost broke up.

1521
01:19:26.040 --> 01:19:29.000
Then started talking again this past week.

1522
01:19:29.000 --> 01:19:35.680
He sends me a text saying, yeah, I just think we're just, I'm not getting what I need.

1523
01:19:35.680 --> 01:19:39.280
And you're not, you know, kind of, I'm not giving him back what he's giving to me.

1524
01:19:39.560 --> 01:19:40.560
He's all about it.

1525
01:19:40.560 --> 01:19:41.680
He wants to be married.

1526
01:19:41.680 --> 01:19:46.400
He's not like today or tomorrow, but he's marriage minded.

1527
01:19:46.400 --> 01:19:50.320
And so we kind of just broke up over text.

1528
01:19:50.320 --> 01:19:52.440
I tried calling him and he didn't want to talk.

1529
01:19:52.440 --> 01:19:56.880
So we texted through a bunch of stuff, which has been common in our relationship to text

1530
01:19:56.880 --> 01:19:58.640
through things.

1531
01:19:58.640 --> 01:20:00.000
I prefer to talk in person.

1532
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.800
them. And then we've just been talking since so we're not, I

1533
01:20:04.800 --> 01:20:07.400
don't want to be in a situation ship, but we're still talking

1534
01:20:07.400 --> 01:20:09.640
through things on text, we haven't seen each other in

1535
01:20:09.640 --> 01:20:12.880
person, but it's like, we kind of ended things. And he said,

1536
01:20:13.280 --> 01:20:15.400
Okay, well, I'm going to delete this, I'm going to delete that

1537
01:20:15.400 --> 01:20:18.120
I'm going to delete our messages and just kind of put a wall up.

1538
01:20:18.360 --> 01:20:21.400
And then I think he started realizing what he'd done. And

1539
01:20:21.400 --> 01:20:24.080
like as opening up and talking through things with me now, but

1540
01:20:24.080 --> 01:20:27.440
I just don't know where I'm at. Like, I don't know if you can

1541
01:20:27.440 --> 01:20:30.040
overcome what we've been through.

1542
01:20:31.160 --> 01:20:36.200
Okay, so all right, so here's the thing. So you guys, and for

1543
01:20:36.200 --> 01:20:40.600
those of you that, you know, have our, you know, widows, and

1544
01:20:40.600 --> 01:20:43.800
you had a great relationship or not great relationship, you

1545
01:20:43.800 --> 01:20:46.760
know, no one that you meet going forward is going to be like

1546
01:20:46.760 --> 01:20:50.560
your former spouse. Okay, that's good for you divorce Burleys

1547
01:20:50.560 --> 01:20:53.600
too. But you know, most of the time, we are glad that we're

1548
01:20:53.600 --> 01:20:57.680
divorced. Not everyone's, you know, there are people that

1549
01:20:57.880 --> 01:21:00.800
let's, let's, let's not get it twisted. There are people whose

1550
01:21:00.840 --> 01:21:04.840
spouse has passed away that they are relieved not to be in that

1551
01:21:04.840 --> 01:21:07.880
relationship anymore. There wasn't a happy marriage. But

1552
01:21:07.880 --> 01:21:10.480
then there are people that had really great marriages, which

1553
01:21:10.480 --> 01:21:14.200
Jennifer's one of those people. And you know, no one's going to

1554
01:21:14.200 --> 01:21:17.960
be him. They're not they're not gonna they're not gonna respond

1555
01:21:17.960 --> 01:21:21.720
like him. They're not going to communicate like him. They're

1556
01:21:21.720 --> 01:21:25.640
not going to do do things like him. They're just not going to

1557
01:21:25.640 --> 01:21:30.440
because you know, he was one of a kind. And, and that was a

1558
01:21:30.440 --> 01:21:34.320
beautiful marriage and relationship. And but we can't

1559
01:21:34.360 --> 01:21:37.600
we can't go back to it, right? We have to go forward. And so we

1560
01:21:37.600 --> 01:21:42.360
have to begin to open our hearts to, hey, it doesn't, it's not

1561
01:21:42.360 --> 01:21:47.000
necessarily better. It's different, right? It's

1562
01:21:47.000 --> 01:21:50.520
different. And so from the very beginning, you know, this man

1563
01:21:50.520 --> 01:21:54.440
has shown all the intention and all the desire for you. And you

1564
01:21:54.440 --> 01:22:00.160
have been a very avoidant attachment. Yeah. Right. And so

1565
01:22:00.200 --> 01:22:05.160
people eventually they get tired of that. Right. So that sounds

1566
01:22:05.160 --> 01:22:08.680
like that's what's happening here. So you know, I'm sure that

1567
01:22:08.680 --> 01:22:12.120
you guys, everyone has compatibility issues. It's, it's

1568
01:22:12.120 --> 01:22:15.440
about whether or not we can overcome them, whether or not we

1569
01:22:15.440 --> 01:22:19.600
want to overcome them. Now, I'm not a fan. You guys, if you're

1570
01:22:19.600 --> 01:22:22.640
going to write anything down, write this down. I am not a fan

1571
01:22:22.680 --> 01:22:30.360
of polar opposites. Okay. I am not a fan of that. Because it,

1572
01:22:30.520 --> 01:22:33.240
even if you're both teachable, and even if you both really

1573
01:22:33.240 --> 01:22:35.640
desire to understand each other, it's going to be a huge learning

1574
01:22:35.640 --> 01:22:42.280
curve. If you are a polar opposite personality. Okay. But

1575
01:22:42.360 --> 01:22:46.840
I love complimentary opposites. I love it when we have, you

1576
01:22:46.840 --> 01:22:49.360
know, some really core important things in common, we think the

1577
01:22:49.360 --> 01:22:52.400
same way in some core areas. But then we have a lot of

1578
01:22:52.400 --> 01:22:54.920
differences as well. That keeps it interesting. That keeps it

1579
01:22:54.920 --> 01:22:59.160
fun. I love it. I also am not a huge fan of people that are

1580
01:22:59.160 --> 01:23:02.440
exactly like people that marry people that are just like them.

1581
01:23:02.640 --> 01:23:07.320
You know, they finish each other's sentences. You know, in

1582
01:23:07.320 --> 01:23:10.640
the way of because they think alike, and they do things alike.

1583
01:23:10.760 --> 01:23:14.760
And a lot of times they have the same bad habits as each other,

1584
01:23:14.760 --> 01:23:18.080
you know, I'm not I'm not a huge fan of that either. Once again,

1585
01:23:18.240 --> 01:23:21.160
eventually, that's not going to refine you, it's not going to

1586
01:23:21.160 --> 01:23:25.120
challenge you. And then polar opposites, you are going to be

1587
01:23:25.120 --> 01:23:29.640
too challenged, right? So right there. But in the complimentary

1588
01:23:29.640 --> 01:23:33.680
opposite fate, you know, in that, in that place, that is, to me

1589
01:23:33.680 --> 01:23:35.880
the best. Now, can you marry someone polar opposite? Can you

1590
01:23:35.880 --> 01:23:38.480
marry someone exactly like you? Yes. But just know that you're

1591
01:23:38.480 --> 01:23:41.600
going to have to work harder at being challenged and growing. If

1592
01:23:41.600 --> 01:23:44.600
you guys have the same weaknesses and strengths. And if

1593
01:23:44.600 --> 01:23:47.760
you have really opposite understandings, you know, you're

1594
01:23:47.760 --> 01:23:49.920
going to be looking a lot of times like a cow at a new gate

1595
01:23:50.280 --> 01:23:52.280
to your spouse, you're not gonna understand what the heck they're

1596
01:23:52.280 --> 01:23:54.840
talking about why they want what they want. And so you're going

1597
01:23:54.840 --> 01:23:58.920
to have to really, really desire to understand each other and

1598
01:23:58.920 --> 01:24:02.040
really work it almost like a job. But in that complimentary

1599
01:24:02.040 --> 01:24:05.280
opposite space, you're going to have enough tension with the

1600
01:24:05.280 --> 01:24:08.120
opposite that's going to stretch you, but you're going to have

1601
01:24:08.120 --> 01:24:11.240
enough in common that is going to secure you. And that's going

1602
01:24:11.240 --> 01:24:18.440
to be really good. Okay. That being said, you know, she's the

1603
01:24:18.440 --> 01:24:21.840
compatibility issues. You're always going to have things in

1604
01:24:21.840 --> 01:24:24.840
relationship, whether you're any of those three categories,

1605
01:24:24.840 --> 01:24:28.840
you're always going to have compatibility stuff. Are we

1606
01:24:28.840 --> 01:24:32.120
compatible in this? Well, do you want to be is the answer to that

1607
01:24:32.120 --> 01:24:35.680
question? Do you want to be compatible? Are you willing to

1608
01:24:35.680 --> 01:24:37.520
listen to each other? Are you willing to hear each other out?

1609
01:24:37.520 --> 01:24:40.280
Are you willing to grow? Are you willing to change based on what

1610
01:24:40.280 --> 01:24:44.920
this other person is saying that they need from you? Okay.

1611
01:24:45.360 --> 01:24:48.960
And so, so I guess at the end of the day, my question to you,

1612
01:24:48.960 --> 01:24:50.720
Jennifer, is do you miss him?

1613
01:24:52.640 --> 01:24:56.520
Yeah, but I'm still talking to him. But yes, I know. But I mean,

1614
01:24:56.520 --> 01:24:59.440
do you miss him? Does the thought of him not being in

1615
01:24:59.440 --> 01:25:00.000
your life?

1616
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.400
Does that make you sad?

1617
01:25:02.900 --> 01:25:03.900
Yeah, right now.

1618
01:25:04.800 --> 01:25:09.000
Okay, if you if this was it this was over, you know, would this

1619
01:25:09.000 --> 01:25:10.100
be a heartbreak?

1620
01:25:11.300 --> 01:25:11.700
Yeah.

1621
01:25:12.500 --> 01:25:12.900
Okay.

1622
01:25:13.200 --> 01:25:16.400
So even though you have some anxious attachment, I mean some

1623
01:25:16.400 --> 01:25:19.600
some avoidant attachment because of being a widow and because

1624
01:25:19.600 --> 01:25:21.900
you were happily married to your former spouse and because

1625
01:25:21.900 --> 01:25:26.300
he's nothing like him and you know overcoming that portion

1626
01:25:26.300 --> 01:25:26.900
of it.

1627
01:25:27.200 --> 01:25:31.500
You know, there has been it's been a slow burn for you, but

1628
01:25:31.500 --> 01:25:32.600
it sounds like you're there.

1629
01:25:33.600 --> 01:25:35.900
It sounds like you are attaching.

1630
01:25:37.400 --> 01:25:41.200
Yeah, and he likes that I'm now reaching out to him and I'm

1631
01:25:41.200 --> 01:25:43.900
like, I'm realizing the things that I didn't say.

1632
01:25:43.900 --> 01:25:46.700
I mean, I knew it but I also was scared and you didn't know

1633
01:25:46.700 --> 01:25:49.300
like if I did that that meant that's it we're together and

1634
01:25:49.300 --> 01:25:51.700
I like I wanted to have control.

1635
01:25:52.000 --> 01:25:54.700
I wanted to know like I made the steps and I know where that's

1636
01:25:54.700 --> 01:25:55.300
coming from.

1637
01:25:55.300 --> 01:25:57.900
It's just you know, my own thing.

1638
01:25:57.900 --> 01:26:00.000
But yeah, but here's what I don't want you to do.

1639
01:26:00.000 --> 01:26:02.400
I don't want your pendulum to swing from anxious at the from

1640
01:26:02.400 --> 01:26:05.500
avoid an attachment to anxious attachment where you're like,

1641
01:26:05.500 --> 01:26:06.600
don't leave don't leave.

1642
01:26:06.600 --> 01:26:07.100
No, no.

1643
01:26:07.100 --> 01:26:09.200
No, you know, I want to be with you.

1644
01:26:09.400 --> 01:26:12.700
No, we want to go to a place where you know, we're having

1645
01:26:12.700 --> 01:26:16.200
grown-up conversations about what went wrong about why you

1646
01:26:16.200 --> 01:26:19.600
were holding back about why your heart wasn't open, you know

1647
01:26:19.600 --> 01:26:23.400
about how you are actively wanting to open your heart and

1648
01:26:23.400 --> 01:26:26.100
you got instead of you know, instead of doing this back and

1649
01:26:26.100 --> 01:26:27.300
forth texting and stuff.

1650
01:26:27.400 --> 01:26:31.200
Do you want to try again with the new information?

1651
01:26:32.500 --> 01:26:35.700
And Jennifer if he says no, then there can't be any more of

1652
01:26:35.700 --> 01:26:36.900
this being strung along.

1653
01:26:37.300 --> 01:26:37.600
Sure.

1654
01:26:38.300 --> 01:26:38.700
Okay.

1655
01:26:39.100 --> 01:26:40.500
So we have a grown-up conversation.

1656
01:26:40.500 --> 01:26:42.400
You guys have been in relationship for 10 months.

1657
01:26:43.500 --> 01:26:45.700
Look, I'm owning my side of the street.

1658
01:26:46.300 --> 01:26:47.500
I know that I was avoidant.

1659
01:26:47.900 --> 01:26:50.800
I know that I was, you know, I would take two steps forward

1660
01:26:50.800 --> 01:26:54.400
and three steps back because of my grief because of these

1661
01:26:54.400 --> 01:27:00.600
things and I want to try again with new information.

1662
01:27:00.600 --> 01:27:04.300
I feel like this break has caused me to know that I really

1663
01:27:04.300 --> 01:27:08.100
would be sad you guys men need to know this as much as women

1664
01:27:08.100 --> 01:27:08.700
do that.

1665
01:27:08.700 --> 01:27:13.000
We miss them that we want to be with them that we think about

1666
01:27:13.000 --> 01:27:15.600
them when they're gone men need to feel love.

1667
01:27:15.600 --> 01:27:17.300
They need to feel wanted.

1668
01:27:17.700 --> 01:27:20.600
Okay, and so when you express that to him if he's just like

1669
01:27:20.600 --> 01:27:22.000
nope, I can't try again.

1670
01:27:22.100 --> 01:27:22.900
Then that's it.

1671
01:27:22.900 --> 01:27:25.000
We're not going to keep going back and forth just to get a

1672
01:27:25.000 --> 01:27:26.000
dopamine hit.

1673
01:27:27.800 --> 01:27:30.800
If he says no, we're not going to try again with this new

1674
01:27:30.800 --> 01:27:35.400
understanding then you got to move on and unfortunately, you're

1675
01:27:35.400 --> 01:27:37.300
going to have to cut off because you don't want to drag your

1676
01:27:37.300 --> 01:27:41.000
kids through that just because now it's like makeup and breakup

1677
01:27:41.000 --> 01:27:43.300
and there's you guys there's a lot of dopamine and makeup and

1678
01:27:43.300 --> 01:27:45.700
breakup and we don't want to do that because that's super

1679
01:27:45.700 --> 01:27:46.400
unhealthy.

1680
01:27:47.000 --> 01:27:50.700
Lee the other thing my friends are saying I have two good

1681
01:27:50.700 --> 01:27:51.200
girlfriends.

1682
01:27:51.200 --> 01:27:52.700
They're like, oh, I don't think this is good for you.

1683
01:27:52.700 --> 01:27:56.300
So that feeds in my brain all the time and and it's like, oh

1684
01:27:56.300 --> 01:27:57.800
no, what's the evidence?

1685
01:27:58.700 --> 01:28:01.200
Just what I've told them about how I'm struggling with.

1686
01:28:02.500 --> 01:28:05.400
The communication style and the problems we've had.

1687
01:28:05.700 --> 01:28:05.900
Okay.

1688
01:28:05.900 --> 01:28:07.900
So here's the thing we need to know about the people that love

1689
01:28:07.900 --> 01:28:08.500
us everyone.

1690
01:28:08.500 --> 01:28:09.100
Listen up.

1691
01:28:09.100 --> 01:28:13.400
My daughter has done this and and I had to tell her this so

1692
01:28:13.400 --> 01:28:17.500
this is advice that I would even give to my own child and

1693
01:28:17.500 --> 01:28:22.400
that's this do not tell the people that that you love all

1694
01:28:22.400 --> 01:28:26.800
of the things that you're struggling with with someone

1695
01:28:26.800 --> 01:28:30.500
that you're dating and especially seriously dating unless

1696
01:28:30.500 --> 01:28:34.500
you also tell them why you're struggling with it because you

1697
01:28:34.500 --> 01:28:37.400
miss your former husband that's passed away because he

1698
01:28:37.400 --> 01:28:39.800
communicates in a completely different way than he does

1699
01:28:40.000 --> 01:28:44.600
because you're avoidance Lee attached and you're looking for

1700
01:28:44.600 --> 01:28:48.600
flaws and chinks in the armor because if you tell your girlfriends

1701
01:28:48.600 --> 01:28:51.100
that and they're still like, oh, he's no good for you.

1702
01:28:51.300 --> 01:28:55.300
No, then they're not wise, you know and said they should make

1703
01:28:55.300 --> 01:28:56.600
you own your side of the street.

1704
01:28:56.600 --> 01:29:00.000
You guys good friends will check you before you wreck you remember

1705
01:29:00.000 --> 01:29:00.500
that.

1706
01:29:01.000 --> 01:29:03.600
Okay, good friends will say okay, but what about you?

1707
01:29:06.300 --> 01:29:07.200
What about you?

1708
01:29:07.600 --> 01:29:11.600
Now if it's overtly abusive, then it's like girl run or like

1709
01:29:11.600 --> 01:29:12.500
hey get the shotgun.

1710
01:29:12.500 --> 01:29:14.900
I'll get the shovel sometimes.

1711
01:29:15.400 --> 01:29:16.500
I've never killed anyone.

1712
01:29:16.800 --> 01:29:20.000
All right, just want to let you know, but you know what I'm

1713
01:29:20.000 --> 01:29:21.100
saying, right?

1714
01:29:21.600 --> 01:29:24.900
Yeah, and so and I have started to realize like I've only told

1715
01:29:24.900 --> 01:29:26.000
them all this negative stuff.

1716
01:29:26.000 --> 01:29:28.700
So I have told them like I'm realizing the things I've done

1717
01:29:28.700 --> 01:29:30.200
now and they're like we just want you to be happy.

1718
01:29:30.200 --> 01:29:31.600
So at least we're getting to that place.

1719
01:29:31.600 --> 01:29:34.000
So right and because they want you to be happy.

1720
01:29:34.000 --> 01:29:35.900
They're going to give you bad advice.

1721
01:29:35.900 --> 01:29:40.900
If you give them half information because they're protective

1722
01:29:40.900 --> 01:29:41.500
of you.

1723
01:29:41.600 --> 01:29:42.900
He's nobody to them.

1724
01:29:43.800 --> 01:29:45.400
So it's okay.

1725
01:29:45.700 --> 01:29:47.400
All right, so you're going to have you're going to have the

1726
01:29:47.400 --> 01:29:50.900
grown-up conversation and we're going to make a decision about

1727
01:29:50.900 --> 01:29:54.300
whether with this new information about really where you are

1728
01:29:54.300 --> 01:29:56.200
in your heart and really what you want.

1729
01:29:56.700 --> 01:29:59.800
Are we going to go ahead and try again with that new information?

1730
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:01.760
I mean, it has to be one or the other.

1731
01:30:01.760 --> 01:30:03.440
We can't live in limbo land now.

1732
01:30:04.440 --> 01:30:07.040
Okay, you guys, I don't care who you are.

1733
01:30:07.040 --> 01:30:08.600
That's good advice.

1734
01:30:08.600 --> 01:30:09.960
All right, that's good advice.

1735
01:30:09.960 --> 01:30:12.260
That's Holy Spirit advice right there.

1736
01:30:12.260 --> 01:30:13.800
All right, so some of you are like,

1737
01:30:13.800 --> 01:30:17.920
hey, you know, I'm here and I'm trying

1738
01:30:17.920 --> 01:30:19.600
and you know, nothing's happened yet.

1739
01:30:19.600 --> 01:30:22.200
You guys, I can't tell you and I'm gonna encourage you.

1740
01:30:22.200 --> 01:30:24.300
I can't tell you how many success stories

1741
01:30:24.300 --> 01:30:27.920
we have in this community that were right where you are.

1742
01:30:27.920 --> 01:30:30.720
They weren't having any luck, all right?

1743
01:30:30.720 --> 01:30:34.240
Carla, who's one of our dating coaches in phase two now.

1744
01:30:34.240 --> 01:30:35.640
You guys, she didn't have any luck

1745
01:30:35.640 --> 01:30:37.360
for over a year in this program.

1746
01:30:37.360 --> 01:30:38.600
And I'm not saying that to shock you

1747
01:30:38.600 --> 01:30:40.900
or hurt your feelings or scare you,

1748
01:30:40.900 --> 01:30:44.360
but she had more work to do than she thought, all right?

1749
01:30:44.360 --> 01:30:46.600
God is part of this equation.

1750
01:30:46.600 --> 01:30:48.140
We're doing our part,

1751
01:30:48.140 --> 01:30:50.520
but there is a part that only God can do.

1752
01:30:50.520 --> 01:30:52.920
And sometimes we're still not ready to give up the pen.

1753
01:30:52.920 --> 01:30:56.100
We think we have, but in her case, for instance,

1754
01:30:56.100 --> 01:30:59.100
she was not willing to relocate until,

1755
01:30:59.100 --> 01:31:04.100
count them, two days before she met her now husband.

1756
01:31:05.260 --> 01:31:07.740
And every time I would have a one-on-one call with her

1757
01:31:07.740 --> 01:31:10.660
because she was so upset about still being single

1758
01:31:10.660 --> 01:31:13.260
and all of the girls from her era of this program

1759
01:31:13.260 --> 01:31:14.940
were married and what happened to her

1760
01:31:14.940 --> 01:31:16.860
and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1761
01:31:16.860 --> 01:31:18.940
Every call I would say to her,

1762
01:31:18.940 --> 01:31:20.780
are you ready to relocate yet?

1763
01:31:20.780 --> 01:31:22.420
No, I'm not leaving Florida.

1764
01:31:22.420 --> 01:31:26.460
I'm like, well, this conversation's over then, honey bun.

1765
01:31:26.460 --> 01:31:29.700
Because I knew the moment that I met her,

1766
01:31:29.700 --> 01:31:31.540
sometimes I know, you guys,

1767
01:31:31.540 --> 01:31:34.480
I'm not like your magic, like Oracle genie,

1768
01:31:34.480 --> 01:31:38.900
but sometimes I just know, because I do,

1769
01:31:38.900 --> 01:31:43.580
that you have to do something that you haven't done yet.

1770
01:31:43.580 --> 01:31:45.820
And in her case, I knew what it was.

1771
01:31:45.820 --> 01:31:49.300
She needed to be willing to relocate.

1772
01:31:49.300 --> 01:31:53.220
And in our last conversation where she was fed up

1773
01:31:53.220 --> 01:31:55.100
and sick and tired of being sick and tired,

1774
01:31:55.100 --> 01:31:57.780
she finally said, fine, yes,

1775
01:31:57.780 --> 01:32:00.100
I will go anywhere for my love story.

1776
01:32:00.100 --> 01:32:02.580
Boop, two days later, she got introduced to her husband

1777
01:32:02.580 --> 01:32:04.100
and now she's married.

1778
01:32:04.100 --> 01:32:06.020
Now, does it always happen that way?

1779
01:32:06.020 --> 01:32:07.700
Not necessarily two days later,

1780
01:32:07.700 --> 01:32:08.980
but you guys, there are other things

1781
01:32:08.980 --> 01:32:10.420
that God's working on us with.

1782
01:32:10.420 --> 01:32:13.380
So stay the path, stay the course,

1783
01:32:13.380 --> 01:32:15.520
continue to do the work and know

1784
01:32:15.520 --> 01:32:17.740
that just because it hasn't happened to you

1785
01:32:17.740 --> 01:32:19.900
in three months, four months, five months, six months,

1786
01:32:19.900 --> 01:32:21.020
some of you that are discouraged,

1787
01:32:21.020 --> 01:32:23.780
you guys haven't even been in here for nine months,

1788
01:32:23.780 --> 01:32:27.020
as long as it takes to birth a baby, okay?

1789
01:32:27.020 --> 01:32:28.340
You're here for a reason.

1790
01:32:28.340 --> 01:32:29.960
Let's stay focused on what that is.

1791
01:32:29.960 --> 01:32:32.940
And that is to work on your relationship with yourself

1792
01:32:32.940 --> 01:32:35.980
and with God and God will add,

1793
01:32:35.980 --> 01:32:38.060
because remember when you're rooted in love,

1794
01:32:38.060 --> 01:32:42.700
that is when you are able to intertwine your branches

1795
01:32:42.700 --> 01:32:44.300
with someone else who's rooted in love.

1796
01:32:44.300 --> 01:32:46.500
And that is what we wanna do.

1797
01:32:46.500 --> 01:32:47.420
That is what we wanna do.

1798
01:32:48.140 --> 01:32:48.980
We're not looking to fill a God-shaped hole

1799
01:32:48.980 --> 01:32:49.820
with a man or a woman.

1800
01:32:49.820 --> 01:32:51.060
That's not what we're here to do.

1801
01:32:51.060 --> 01:32:55.420
We are here to continue to allow God to work on us,

1802
01:32:55.420 --> 01:32:57.840
come to prayer, come to all the things,

1803
01:32:57.840 --> 01:33:00.020
continue to become the best version of yourself.

1804
01:33:00.020 --> 01:33:01.340
That's a win-win.

1805
01:33:01.340 --> 01:33:05.860
And I will tell you, God has a love story for you.

1806
01:33:05.860 --> 01:33:07.020
He does.

1807
01:33:07.020 --> 01:33:08.580
And it's gonna happen.

1808
01:33:08.580 --> 01:33:10.060
I'm gonna jump in there to you guys,

1809
01:33:10.060 --> 01:33:11.620
because you know I'm still single.

1810
01:33:11.620 --> 01:33:15.060
Go live life, go do fun things.

1811
01:33:15.820 --> 01:33:19.140
Oh my gosh, since I've been in this program,

1812
01:33:19.140 --> 01:33:22.620
I've published a book, I got into seminary school,

1813
01:33:22.620 --> 01:33:25.220
I'm losing weight, I'm getting healthy.

1814
01:33:25.220 --> 01:33:28.220
Go find the things that bring you joy

1815
01:33:28.220 --> 01:33:31.100
and go be the best version of yourself,

1816
01:33:31.100 --> 01:33:34.100
because that's where he or she is going to be.

1817
01:33:34.100 --> 01:33:34.940
Exactly.

1818
01:33:34.940 --> 01:33:38.020
If you just waste your time doing it like a job,

1819
01:33:38.020 --> 01:33:39.700
and I gotta find a man and I gotta find a woman,

1820
01:33:39.700 --> 01:33:42.220
I gotta, gotta, gotta, go live life.

1821
01:33:42.220 --> 01:33:44.620
He is there, she is there.

1822
01:33:44.620 --> 01:33:46.020
Go find joy.

1823
01:33:46.020 --> 01:33:48.140
And you guys, you're not here, listen,

1824
01:33:48.140 --> 01:33:49.620
hopefully you don't think that you're here

1825
01:33:49.620 --> 01:33:50.900
to only focus on finding,

1826
01:33:50.900 --> 01:33:53.300
I mean, we have so much more to offer you here

1827
01:33:53.300 --> 01:33:55.620
of like what Renee is saying,

1828
01:33:55.620 --> 01:33:59.580
of just stoking the fire of what God's put inside of you

1829
01:33:59.580 --> 01:34:02.460
so that you can find your running mate.

1830
01:34:02.460 --> 01:34:04.660
You gotta be running to find your running mate,

1831
01:34:04.660 --> 01:34:06.820
and we want to help you run, and we have.

1832
01:34:06.820 --> 01:34:09.100
And for those of you that asked, did she relocate?

1833
01:34:09.100 --> 01:34:12.060
Yes, ma'am, she relocated all the way to Texas

1834
01:34:12.060 --> 01:34:13.700
from Florida, and guess what?

1835
01:34:13.700 --> 01:34:14.980
She don't love it.

1836
01:34:14.980 --> 01:34:18.340
She doesn't love Texas, but she loves her new family,

1837
01:34:18.340 --> 01:34:19.980
and she loves her marriage,

1838
01:34:19.980 --> 01:34:22.740
and she's learning and growing

1839
01:34:22.740 --> 01:34:25.380
to love her new geographic location.

1840
01:34:25.380 --> 01:34:28.300
You know what I always tell people, nothing's forever.

1841
01:34:28.300 --> 01:34:30.060
Just because you relocate for your love story

1842
01:34:30.060 --> 01:34:33.500
doesn't mean you're gonna live there forever, right?

1843
01:34:33.500 --> 01:34:35.420
And so please remember that.

1844
01:34:35.420 --> 01:34:36.820
It's good stuff, okay.

1845
01:34:36.820 --> 01:34:38.340
And what Renee didn't mention is,

1846
01:34:38.340 --> 01:34:40.020
is that the confidence that she got

1847
01:34:40.020 --> 01:34:41.100
from being in this community

1848
01:34:41.100 --> 01:34:43.380
is what caused her to do the things

1849
01:34:44.060 --> 01:34:44.980
that she was talking about,

1850
01:34:44.980 --> 01:34:47.300
about going back to school or publishing her book,

1851
01:34:47.300 --> 01:34:49.620
you know, the confidence, the support,

1852
01:34:49.620 --> 01:34:52.460
you know, the camaraderie, all the different things.

1853
01:34:52.460 --> 01:34:55.860
And of course, God has a spirit mate for her,

1854
01:34:55.860 --> 01:34:59.260
probably some academic that she'll meet in seminary.

1855
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:06.800
and, uh, God is good. So, um, and the other good thing for all of you is, is that had

1856
01:35:06.800 --> 01:35:13.320
she run off and got married already, she probably wouldn't be here, um, helping you. So, um,

1857
01:35:13.320 --> 01:35:19.120
so it's a win-win. So true. Like you guys, I'm saying that, and I have done all the things

1858
01:35:19.120 --> 01:35:25.000
I've done, the therapy, the retreats, the Sozo's, this heart healing, this community

1859
01:35:25.000 --> 01:35:30.680
with Jackie has changed my life. It has saved my life. I have felt the dark night of the

1860
01:35:30.680 --> 01:35:36.960
soul. So when I see you guys whining and being sad and depressed and just, I get it. I'm

1861
01:35:36.960 --> 01:35:44.480
telling you, I get it. This program is life. It is life. Receive what it has for you.

1862
01:35:44.480 --> 01:35:47.760
And you guys, I want to tell you something. You're always going to be in process with

1863
01:35:47.760 --> 01:35:51.000
something. You know, I'm married, you know, I've been married for 17 years, but there

1864
01:35:51.000 --> 01:35:57.200
are things that I want that I do not have in my hands yet, but you know what they're

1865
01:35:57.200 --> 01:36:02.600
coming and I'm working towards them. I'm taking expectant hopeful preparation because that's

1866
01:36:02.600 --> 01:36:07.360
what weight really means. Right? And that's all we can do. You guys, God gives us a promise

1867
01:36:07.360 --> 01:36:13.080
and we absolutely give ourselves over to the process. And this is part of that process.

1868
01:36:13.080 --> 01:36:17.480
But like Renee said, there's so many other babies in your womb, gentlemen, you as well,

1869
01:36:17.800 --> 01:36:21.880
that will be birthed. And we want to be your midwives for that. I want you to get excited.

1870
01:36:21.880 --> 01:36:26.600
We want you to, you know, get into community. We want you to grow spiritually, relationally,

1871
01:36:26.600 --> 01:36:32.280
mentally, physically. So many women in this group and men have lost like whole people.

1872
01:36:32.840 --> 01:36:36.760
Some people have lost like a hundred and something pounds after being in here. They can never do it

1873
01:36:36.760 --> 01:36:40.280
before, but then all of a sudden they just start really loving themselves because they're doing

1874
01:36:40.280 --> 01:36:44.200
the hard work and they're in here. People have gone back to school. People have changed careers.

1875
01:36:44.200 --> 01:36:49.240
People have published books. People have traveled for the first time out of the country to different

1876
01:36:49.240 --> 01:36:55.880
places. People have taken risks. People have moved geographically. Remember that one cheeky mama that

1877
01:36:55.880 --> 01:37:01.800
got married Renee that moved and said, she kept telling me she knew after being in here, she's

1878
01:37:01.800 --> 01:37:07.640
very new to the prophetic, but she, she felt like God told her that her spouse was in Ohio. You guys,

1879
01:37:07.640 --> 01:37:14.920
she got her was bins to move with her because they had joint custody to Ohio, not with her in

1880
01:37:14.920 --> 01:37:20.280
the house, but moved to Ohio as well. Talk about a God thing. And as soon as she got there,

1881
01:37:21.560 --> 01:37:26.920
she, she went out on two dates. One with a guy that was a dud. And the second guy was her spirit

1882
01:37:26.920 --> 01:37:32.520
mate and she got married and now she has a baby and now living happily ever after. Okay. She moved

1883
01:37:32.520 --> 01:37:39.640
all the way from the Pacific Northwest to Ohio. And as someone who comes from Ohio, you just don't

1884
01:37:39.640 --> 01:37:49.800
move there unless it's God. I mean, why, why, why would you do that? Right? Seriously. Seriously.

1885
01:37:49.800 --> 01:37:55.240
Okay. So I know that we're over by a few minutes. I see some really amazing people in here that have

1886
01:37:55.240 --> 01:37:59.960
been such a blessing to this community and they're part of the OG crew. And you know, and I know that

1887
01:37:59.960 --> 01:38:03.400
God has spirit mates for them. Some of them have gotten really close. They've been in serious

1888
01:38:03.400 --> 01:38:08.120
relationships like Aaron joy. You know, and it just wasn't the right person, but it was preparing

1889
01:38:08.120 --> 01:38:12.120
them for the right person. And so now they all have, they have all the skills that they need.

1890
01:38:12.120 --> 01:38:17.880
Sometimes there's a person before the person friends. Sometimes there's a person or two before

1891
01:38:17.880 --> 01:38:22.600
the person. Why is that? Because you need the skills. You need the, you need the practice.

1892
01:38:22.600 --> 01:38:27.880
You need the experience. You need to, to find out more about what you want, what you don't want,

1893
01:38:27.880 --> 01:38:33.000
who you are, who you're not. Some of you have just simply not had enough interactions with the

1894
01:38:33.000 --> 01:38:37.480
opposite sex. It's not a situation where you just marry the first guy or girl who looks at you and

1895
01:38:37.480 --> 01:38:44.280
says, Ooh, you're pretty. No, that's not the way it works. Or, Oh, you're handsome. No, it's more

1896
01:38:44.280 --> 01:38:49.160
intentional than that because more is at stake. Remember these are not regular marriages. I'm

1897
01:38:49.160 --> 01:38:54.920
gonna start preaching. These are kingdom alliances for the purpose of coming together and changing

1898
01:38:54.920 --> 01:39:03.480
the world. These are customized matches. They're not just so that you have someone to Netflix and

1899
01:39:03.480 --> 01:39:12.120
chill with. That is not what's up here. Yes, girl. Yes. And so that's not what's going on here.

1900
01:39:12.120 --> 01:39:17.880
It's about so much more than that. And so it's important that we believe that we're that important

1901
01:39:17.880 --> 01:39:23.880
that God has a customized match for us. And that we begin to believe if you're not right now,

1902
01:39:23.960 --> 01:39:30.440
we release hope over you to believe that the fact that you want it is evidence enough that God

1903
01:39:30.440 --> 01:39:37.640
wants it for you. That's it. And yes, is there warfare against, you know, marriage and family

1904
01:39:37.640 --> 01:39:42.360
in the earth more than anything else? You guys, it is public enemy. Number one to the kingdom of

1905
01:39:42.360 --> 01:39:48.520
darkness. The enemy does not want people to come together in partnership and he does not want us to

1906
01:39:48.520 --> 01:39:53.880
bear seed. Don't you remember what happened in the garden of Eden? The enemy is after the seed of

1907
01:39:53.880 --> 01:39:59.880
woman. And so if woman never has any seed, do you understand what I'm saying? Marriage and family.

1908
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:04.240
is public enemy number one. And for those of you that are like, well, I'm past, you know,

1909
01:40:04.240 --> 01:40:09.360
seed bearing years, that's fine because you're still called with your spirit mate to raise up

1910
01:40:09.360 --> 01:40:13.600
kingdom family in the earth. Whether that's through your business or whether that's through

1911
01:40:13.600 --> 01:40:17.440
your vocation or whether that's through your community, it doesn't matter. Part of your

1912
01:40:17.440 --> 01:40:22.960
calling with your spirit mate will always be to disciple sons and daughters. It will always be

1913
01:40:23.840 --> 01:40:31.760
so good one way, shape or form always really good. Okay. So let's start believing that we're

1914
01:40:31.760 --> 01:40:39.200
important and that we have assignments that are too big for us to do them alone. We need partners.

1915
01:40:39.200 --> 01:40:47.120
We need community and we need each other. Why? Because we are a hundred percent better together.

1916
01:40:47.120 --> 01:40:51.520
And so let's start believing that. Shall we? All right, everyone. So father God, I thank you for

1917
01:40:51.520 --> 01:40:55.680
your sons and daughters. I thank you for tonight for this love seat. Um, I thank you for all the

1918
01:40:55.680 --> 01:41:00.720
wisdom that heaven has released over us tonight to us and through us. And I'm asking that you

1919
01:41:00.720 --> 01:41:06.000
would allow them as they go off and they go to bed tonight, that you would give them dreams that you

1920
01:41:06.000 --> 01:41:10.560
would just place inside of them. Um, the understanding that you would deposit inside of

1921
01:41:10.560 --> 01:41:15.280
their hearts, the understanding that they're important, that they're, that their unions are

1922
01:41:15.280 --> 01:41:19.200
important, that their marriages are important, that their partnerships are important, that their

1923
01:41:19.200 --> 01:41:23.760
lives are important, that their dreams, their gifts, their callings, some of which they don't

1924
01:41:23.760 --> 01:41:31.520
even know anything about are important guys. I was on a, I was on a thing, um, like a podcast

1925
01:41:31.520 --> 01:41:37.600
kind of about Proverbs and Proverbs 27, which I had never read before. Uh, I'll just be honest.

1926
01:41:37.600 --> 01:41:42.640
Um, I seen verses in Proverbs 27, but I'd never read the whole Proverbs. I don't think. And so

1927
01:41:42.640 --> 01:41:47.200
that was the one that I was assigned. And I love the very beginning of Proverbs 27,

1928
01:41:47.200 --> 01:41:51.600
because it just says, you know, don't announce your plans for tomorrow. This is the message

1929
01:41:51.600 --> 01:41:55.840
translation. I it's in my head now, because I loved it that much because you don't know the

1930
01:41:55.840 --> 01:42:00.880
first thing about tomorrow. Don't announce your plans for tomorrow because you don't know the

1931
01:42:00.880 --> 01:42:05.680
first thing about tomorrow. All God is saying there is that what a difference a day can make,

1932
01:42:06.400 --> 01:42:10.480
you know, you might think that, you know, you don't got much going on in your life, but only

1933
01:42:10.480 --> 01:42:16.720
one day, one turn of the calendar page, because there was a day in April of 2007 that the next

1934
01:42:16.800 --> 01:42:23.840
door neighbor house was empty. And then all of a sudden it wasn't. And who lived there? My husband,

1935
01:42:23.840 --> 01:42:28.640
that's who lived there. Come on. If you don't feel Holy spirit on that, then let's see if

1936
01:42:28.640 --> 01:42:32.800
you're alive. Let's raise you from the dead in Jesus name, because I'm telling you right now,

1937
01:42:32.800 --> 01:42:40.560
one day, one day, I almost moved. My lease was, my lease was over. I had to re-sign it.

1938
01:42:41.520 --> 01:42:46.080
The difference of what one day makes I re-sign the lease. And a few months later,

1939
01:42:46.080 --> 01:42:51.520
the place that's empty next door is now no longer empty. It has my future family in it. It has my

1940
01:42:51.520 --> 01:42:57.840
husband and my future children living inside of it, just waiting for me and my daughter to join

1941
01:42:57.840 --> 01:43:03.600
them. And guess what? Eight months later we did. So that's the difference that one day can make.

1942
01:43:03.600 --> 01:43:10.080
So even if you have all kinds of things going on or nothing at all, remember that tomorrow

1943
01:43:10.640 --> 01:43:16.080
is in the hands of God. And all we have to do is do today. Well, just do today. Well,

1944
01:43:16.080 --> 01:43:20.560
do today. Well, keep doing what you know to do today. Take imperfect action on the promises of

1945
01:43:20.560 --> 01:43:26.000
God. You let God take care of tomorrow because in one of these tomorrows, your promises are going

1946
01:43:26.000 --> 01:43:33.440
to be fulfilled, but when it happens, it's going to be today, right? And so that's, what's important.

1947
01:43:33.440 --> 01:43:40.240
And so father gives us all hope that the story's not over yet, that you have so much more to give

1948
01:43:40.240 --> 01:43:48.560
us. And we declare that 2024 is the year of Romans eight 28 is the year where we see everything

1949
01:43:48.560 --> 01:43:56.480
worked out to our good in Jesus name. Amen. All right. Love y'all go with God. And you guys,

1950
01:43:56.480 --> 01:44:01.280
if you got healed the other night on that healing, please make sure that you post and testify in your

1951
01:44:01.280 --> 01:44:06.800
groups. We want to know about that. And, um, and God highlight them, let their spirit mates find

1952
01:44:06.800 --> 01:44:09.440
them and let's go. See you soon. Bye.