WEBVTT

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All right, so good to see you guys. I had to do a quick turnaround. I didn't get in until

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four o'clock in the morning last night. I had a delayed flight, three-hour delay at

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a terrible airport. And so I am here. You are here. It's going to be great. I have a lot of

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housekeeping items for you guys, and I'm going to share those with you real quickly. Don't forget,

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we have a sneak preview of phase three again tonight. It is attachment styles, and I will

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be teaching that, and we will be doing some fun. I don't want to say games because we don't want

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to play games with relationships, but we will be playing some relationship games.

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And so take that as you will, but it will be fun. It will be a co-ed session. Typically,

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men that are in our programs do not come to any live sessions. They watch them in replay. Why do

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men do this? I don't know. I don't know. Do they have a fear of being live on online type of things

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with women? Yeah, I think they do. And I really don't know how to overcome that for them.

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So a couple other announcements. We will be having several retreats, vacations, destination vacations,

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and a singles cruise this year. The singles cruise will be happening in July. We'll be partnering

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with other singles groups for that cruise, and the registration for that will be available at

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the beginning of March. It is well-priced. We are working with a travel company to

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get all of these opportunities, and it's also domestic. We're keeping our retreats and our

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destinations pretty much domestic this year because it's already 2024. So in order to plan

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to do something in Europe, although I can't say that there is not a Paris trip in the works,

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I don't think that will be for 2024. I have to wait and see what's happening with that,

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but most likely it will be spring 2025 for that one. So everything this year, more domestic,

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even the cruise. It's out of Texas. It's just to the Caribbean. It's not like some, you know,

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very far away situation. And then the retreats are also based on our single cities in America

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and Canada. All right, so that's a little bit of housekeeping. Don't forget we have that

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attachment-style session. That's your sneak peek of phase three tonight at 8 p.m. Eastern.

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Guys, I want to remind you that we have an app coming out at the beginning of March.

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Let's all just really get excited about that. I know I'm excited about that.

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That app is going to allow you to take part in everything. Everything will be in one place. You

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can download the app from the app store for free. If you have an Android, you're good. If you have

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an iPhone, you're good. All right, you can download it and then you'll sign in. And then when you sign

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in, and if you don't want to do it on your phone, you can do it. It's a web-based app, so you can

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do it on your laptop, on your iPad, wherever you want to be. And then you can sign in and you can

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look at whatever you have access to. Like, for instance, y'all are in phase two, so you would

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have access to phase one and phase two in the app. And then pretty soon you'll have access to phase

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three. And pretty soon after you're in phase three, when you get to a certain point of phase

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three, then you would have access to the first iteration of our dating app. We are actually going

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to be trying out some things on our app, on our curriculum app for the dating app. But the dating

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app is in development separately right now, and that is a community-based dating app. And it will

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be done sometime late spring, early summer for beta testing in our community. But we'll already

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kind of be testing it out on our curriculum app. Does that make sense to everyone? Testing out

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some of the features that we want to put into the dating app, like singles that are near you,

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direct messaging, different Jackie's pics and different things for us over there.

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All right. So guys, I want to tell you something, and I'm going to repeat this tonight. If you guys

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come tonight, I'm going to repeat this to the community. I was just traveling to California

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for a surprise engagement. That's where I was. And the surprise engagement happened to be my

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own child. So my daughter got engaged over the weekend, over last weekend, which was great.

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Amazing. But I want to tell you this. In order to get there, I had to go to several airports.

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At every stop that I was at, besides one, so I had four stops there and back,

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a couple came up to me at the airport and said that they were married or getting married because

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of me. Y'all at airports. Now, if that ain't crazy town, I don't know what is. In fact, one of them,

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I wasn't even on

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I wasn't even at the airport, I was on the plane.

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And you know how you're sitting down

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and the people are coming by you on the plane?

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This couple is coming by me on the plane

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and she keeps making eye contact with me

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and like smiling and turning around and saying,

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that's her, that's her.

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And I'm like, what is even going on?

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And so then she stops at my seat

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and holds up the whole line and says,

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I just want you to know that, you know,

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me and my husband, we just got married a couple months ago

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because of you.

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I was in your July course, blah, blah, blah.

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And then there was another guy behind them from Germany

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that they had just started talking up at the airport.

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She was like, you need to talk to her.

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See, this is her.

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I told you it was her.

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I thought it was her.

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And so now I have a new German guy

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that wants to be match made.

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And then her brother, this bride's brother

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is the one that told her about me.

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And so we took a picture together at the airport

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after we got off the plane, we took a picture together

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and we DMed it to him on Instagram and said,

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hey, you know, it's your turn.

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And so now I have a discovery call with him on Thursday.

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Y'all can't make this kind of stuff up, all right?

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This is what's happening here.

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And then at a different airport

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on the first leg of the trip at baggage plane,

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a guy came up to me and told me

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that he was married because of me.

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It was a guy, because he had been in my course

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and I recognized him.

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I'm like, oh my gosh, you know?

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And so we took a picture together

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and I'm going to post all those pictures.

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You guys, don't get mad that I have the same outfit on

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and all these pictures.

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It's not the same day.

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That's just my travel clothes.

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It's just my travel clothes.

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You guys have them, right?

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You have a travel outfit?

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That's my travel outfit for this trip, okay?

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And then before I even left for the trip

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when I was at Austin airport,

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we used to, we have this retreat

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that has this say yes to the dress element.

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We're going to do that again,

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where I take all of you to a beautiful bridal boutique,

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not a chain store, a bridal boutique.

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And you get to try on dresses and drink mimosas

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and eat charcuterie and look at each other in dresses.

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Even if you don't have a boyfriend,

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I want to tell you that everyone that came to that event,

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all the women that bought dresses,

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they bought dresses that day.

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That was not part of the plan, but they did it.

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All of them, except maybe one of them, maybe two,

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no one are married now.

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I don't know what happens, but that happens.

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Anyway, the girl that owns that bridal boutique,

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who number one was not a believer

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before we started interacting with her.

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And then she started being around me more

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and I invited her to a few other things

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that I was doing in the city in Austin,

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cause she lives here.

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And she started wanting to ask Jesus into her heart.

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She came up to the altar at one of these things

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that I was at and got prayed for and different things.

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And she had a wrecked up relationship history, you guys.

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When I tell you that this girl was a total loser addict,

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she was just addicted to like terrible guys.

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And then she came into my Simbis class.

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She took my course.

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She came into my Simbis class with this guy

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that she was gonna marry.

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And I was like, oh no girl, uh-uh, this is bad news bears.

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And remember matchmaker, matchbreaker.

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So we tried our best to break that up.

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It did get broken up.

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That was over a year ago, I think.

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I just ran into her at the airport

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and she's about to get married.

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And the guy is really great.

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He was there too.

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And I got to meet him and look,

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look at what a difference a year can make, right?

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Amen.

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I hope that encourages you.

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I just wanna tell you all of those things

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because it's encouraging to me.

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If I tell you that every single week

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I don't wanna quit doing this, I would be lying.

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I can still do something else with my life

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that would have much less warfare and much less drama.

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But every week the Lord sends me engagement announcements

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and stuff like this happens

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because God's like, keep going.

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And I'm like, okay, here we go.

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All right, so we're gonna keep going.

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Are we gonna keep going?

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I'm gonna keep going.

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Are you gonna keep going?

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All right, we're gonna keep going

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because we believe that God is in this, right?

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He is, he's in it.

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Woo, we're gonna keep going y'all.

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Try to come and pray her.

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I get to, that's why I do that Supernatural Saturday.

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That's just, it's for me and you.

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It's not just for you, it's for me and you.

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So I wanna address a few very important things

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leading up to Attachment Style tonight.

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But I also wanna cover your questions that you guys have.

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So why don't we start with, I talked about the dating app.

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I told you about my divine encounters on this trip.

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Why don't we go ahead and start with the questions

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that you guys have about where you are.

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It can be a hard work question.

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It can be anything, anything about phase one or phase two.

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And then I will kind of cover my agenda

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of the things I wanna release over y'all.

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All right, so who wants to jump in the dating seat today?

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Just start talking or raise your hand.

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Oh, Jackie, go ahead.

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Okay, so I wrote.

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it in my, my thing on the catch up yesterday. And I was just

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saying, like, I, I feel like I'm so I'm in phase two, I'm just

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entering in week two. I've been digging deep into that

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attachment stuff. I loved your teaching. I got the someone had

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recommended the book attached millions of times, so many

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people have recommended it. And I was just like, I don't really

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need it. And so after that, I was like, I got it read it in

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two days, because I was like, Yeah, okay, I'm totally anxious.

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And I was married to an avoided. And yes, that totally makes

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sense. And all the people I dated, the terrible combination.

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Yeah, all the data people I dated before this program were

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all avoidance. So it just totally makes sense. Um, but my

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thing is, I've been getting a little attacked. I think I feel

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like I can't move forward with dating. I haven't jumped on any

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apps or anything. Because my garage is still full of boxes

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from my moving. I moved three times in a year and a half from

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my married my home when I was married, June a year and a half

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ago, and then to a farm. And then from a farm to the house

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I'm in now. I just moved in July.

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Let's just let's just put a pin right there. Because I want to I

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want to kind of do this in bite sized pieces. Okay. So, ladies,

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how many of you have a project boxes that are not unpacked that

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you haven't finished something that really I mean, it's not

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something that you just want to do. It's something that

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absolutely has to be done in order for you to move forward

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in life. I want to see the hands of the people that that applies

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to. Okay, so that is where is she Oh, Jackie kind of

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disappeared from my screen. Okay, there you are. Um, that is

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a sure sign of unhealed trauma. Okay. Okay. Because first of

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all, I know that we're busy, but we all have time to do what we

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want to do. Right? We all have time to do what needs to be

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done. Anytime there's like a massive procrastination in

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something that is actually going to clutter up our mind and our

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heart and keep us stuck. There's trauma connected to it. Right.

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So the very first thing that I'd love for you to do Jackie is not

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just unpack them to put them away. I'd actually love for you

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to get rid of a lot of stuff that you don't need to be taking

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into your new life with you. Okay, clothes, knickknacks,

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memorabilia, pictures, it doesn't matter what it is. It

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doesn't need to move into your house, it needs to go ahead and

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get unpacked in the garage and thrown out. All right. And I see

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you know, emotional emotion on your face, because that is going

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to be super important. All right, because it's holding you

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back. Because I know that we don't think I'm gonna cry too.

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We're all gonna cry. I know that we don't think stuff has energy

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that we're not energetically connected to stuff. And I know

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that sounds really new agey. But here's something you're going to

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have to just go ahead and make peace with. You are energy, you

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are a spirit, you are not a body. Okay? God is a spirit. He

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is not a body. And so we have to understand that there is negative

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and positive, you know, stuff connected to stuff. Everything

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that you see has been created by creation. Everything. Okay,

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whether you created it or another person created, they

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were created by creation, all of it is created by creation, which

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means what means means that it can really stop up the flow of

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you moving forward in life. If it's carrying a lot of negative

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stuff with it, we got to get rid of it. Getting on block simply a

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lot of times is a change of geographic location. It's

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getting out of one house and getting into another but not

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taking all the garbage from that house with you. Right? It can be

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changing a job, it can be changing a friend group, it can

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be changing all kinds of different things. All kinds of

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different things that are very practical, I guess is what I

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want to say. Spiritual stuff can be very practical stuff. Do you

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believe that? Okay. All right. So Jackie, you are going to do

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you have any friends where you are?

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I have a lot, but I kind of feel like I, I wanted some of the

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boxes we I lived in England for 10 years before movie like with

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my my ex husband, my husband and been and some of the boxes are

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from that time that have even been opened from that move that

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international move. 10 plus years ago. Yeah. And I've just

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been carrying the boxes around with

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Yeah, and this is and this is what your heart looks like. Your

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heart looks like that. Okay. So I know it's really practical.

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And I know a lot of us are like, how could that really like

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cause me to be able to move forward spiritually, physically, emotionally, relationally, it can,

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and it does. Okay. And so go ahead, if you know, you know, peek in those boxes, if you need to go

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ahead and get some closure with what's in those boxes. But it sounds like the stuff from that,

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unless there's like some sort of heirlooms or something that you had in your home,

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and that you want to keep from your family and from before the marriage,

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that you're just going to go ahead and donate that stuff. Just get rid of it.

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You know, my husband always says to me, she remember you guys, we were neighbors, right?

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We're next door neighbors. And I moved into his house when we got married. And he's, I didn't

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bring any of my stuff. And, uh, and I actually implored, I employed my friends to come and take

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what they wanted from my house, like a bed or this or that, or whatever kitchenware, whatever

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they wanted to take, and then help gut it out and clean it and put it by the curb. If they

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weren't going to take it, I employed my friends to do that with me. And for me, why didn't I bring

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any of the stuff from my former marriage into my new marriage? Cause I don't want that shit. Okay.

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That's why, because that is holding you back. That's why I don't want to look at the set of

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dishes that someone gave me for my first marriage and use it for my second marriage. Okay. I don't

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want to look at the clothes that I wore in my first marriage and remember where I wore those

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things to with my former husband, because if you don't think that even if you're not conscious of

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it, that that's not happening, it is happening. Okay. I don't want that stuff. I don't need that

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stuff. The only thing that I kept from that marriage is pictures. My, my former husband

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and I knew each other since we were 12. So those former pictures and, you know, a bus with our

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little baby daughter, when she was born, I kept all that stuff and I gave it to my daughter so

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she could have a lineage. So she could have history. So she can know that her parents were

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in love when they got married. They were also just very damaged people that ended up really

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hurting each other. Right. But I wanted her to have, you know, I wanted her to have a legacy

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of her family, of her history. I don't need it. I wanted it for her. I kept that stuff for her.

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And so that that's the exception to what I'm saying. Anything that, you know, you feel like

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your kids might want to have and should have. So Jackie, you got some work to do and the healing

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will come as you're doing it. Just know that the dread that you have, even if it's unconscious of

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doing this, it will lift when you start doing it. And so that's your assignment, spring pruning and

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cleaning ladies, all of you, it's springtime, at least in Texas it is. And it's time to start

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pruning practical stuff. Thank you. I feel like you just answered my, yeah, thank you.

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That'd be good. It's going to be good. Y'all got to get rid of that stuff. You don't need it. You

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guys stuff. First of all, stuff, we just have too much stuff. Anyway, we have too much stuff.

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And, you know, John Mark Homer, if you never listened to his podcast, if you've never read

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his book, the ruthless elimination of hurry, it will change your life. I will disclaim it.

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You can't unread it. If you read it, you can't unread it and it will mess you up in a good way.

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Okay. It will cause you to stop buying fast fashion from China. You know, that has a ripple

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effect of human trafficking. It will cause you to understand that everything that you do doesn't

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just affect you. It affects others. It will help you keep a Sabbath. If you don't have a Sabbath

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and I'm talking to myself because it's so hard to keep one, then you are missing out.

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You are missing out. And ladies, I want to really encourage you to start employing some of this

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before you're in a serious relationship so you can bring it into the relationship and it can

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be a non-negotiable. This stuff needs to be a non-negotiable. That we don't live in clutter,

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that we don't live in chaos, that we don't have more than we need, that we don't live above our

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means, that we don't live in debt, that we have a Sabbath, that we recognize rest. Right? This is

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important stuff. And I guarantee you that if you begin to work on this, then you'll start to attract

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other people that are working on this, or at least they're willing to work on this.

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So I saw Meshonda kind of look at me. The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, if you need

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me to repeat that. John Mark Homer. He does have a podcast too. If you don't like to read,

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he goes over all of these ideas on the podcast too. Once again, some of it's super extreme and

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you have to take baby steps. You're not going to implement that stuff overnight. Neither did he.

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He didn't either. But I say that to say this, we have no idea how much energy

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is being drained out of our lives because we're surrounded by too many things.

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in our home. Your closet has way too many clothes. You don't wear half of them.

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You haven't wore half of them in years. You're keeping them because they're your skinny clothes

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and you think that you won't get your booty in them someday again. But here's the thing. Why?

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Why? Someone else could be using those clothes right now. Someone else is already skinny

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and they can already use those clothes. So why are you letting it energetically drain you?

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Give it away. Give it away. Give it away. Let someone else utilize it and enjoy it. And guess

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what? When and if necessary, your body changes and you need a different size of clothing, then

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the clothes will come. They will come. What you make room for comes back, right? That's really

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true. That is a biblical law of sowing and reaping. So we need to remember these things.

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And I'm talking to myself too because the closet, the closet, so many things in there

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that don't get worn. I want you to raise your hand right now. Holy Spirit, I have no idea how we went

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this way because we're talking about dating, but this is making room for love in your life. Raise

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your hand. Keep your hands up, those of you that have questions already. But raise your hand if

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you have at least one article of clothing in your closet that still has a tag on it, still has a tag,

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price tag, you know, or it's still in a bag because you were going to return it and you

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never did. And then you forgot about it. And so it's sitting in a bag in your closet or somewhere.

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All right. Some of you. All right. Those clothes are tags. Why? Why is that connected to a bigger

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heart issue of you not liking your body and always waiting for some future stage of perfection in

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order to clothe it? Some people purposely buy their clothes smaller to punish themselves.

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That's whack, y'all. Do not do that. Okay. Do not do that. I'm going to tell you one

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thing that I know as someone who has been very thin and now is to a place where the

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doctors are concerned about me. I'm pre-diabetic. I have all kinds of stuff. Y'all, it's called

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menopause. And so I've run the spectrum of knowing what it's like to be super thin and

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just everything fits right, looks good. And then all the way over here where nothing fits right,

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and you have a freaking mental and physical and emotional breakdown in the dressing room at

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clothing stores. Okay. I know what that's all about, but I do know this one thing to be true.

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Your body will never change by you bullying it. It's not going to change. If you love it and you

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embrace it and you treat it right and you feed it right, that is where the change will come.

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That is where the change will come. And weight loss will just be a symptom of that change.

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Weight loss will just be a part of that change. It will not be the goal.

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The goal will be loving yourself and treating it right and feeding it right. Okay.

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Because trauma, a lot of times for women turns into killing ourselves with the fork.

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Seriously, the main medication of choice for women is scientifically proven is food.

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Not that men don't do it too, but women do it more.

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So if you have unhealed trauma, abuse of some sort, especially sexual abuse,

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you're more likely to be obese. Did you know that? And then of course we have hormones

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just stacking the cards against us too. But you guys, there's a lot of really good information

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out there now about how we can age with grace and ease through those transition times. So we're

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going to have some experts come on and talk to us in phase three about that coming up this spring as

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well. All right. So Tina, you're up. Hi, Tanya. Oh, I'm sorry. It's okay. It's okay. Well, but

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there is a Tina that has a question too, but you go ahead, Tanya. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, it's okay.

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Go ahead, Tina. Go, go, go, go. Sorry. I'm sorry. I just finished the heart work a week ago.

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And I tell you, I feel like Lazarus, like Jesus called him out by his real name and, and he came

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forth leaping. And then he said, you loose him and let him go. I feel like the program has been

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loosing layers off of me. So I just want to say thank you, Jackie, for that. I really do. So now

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I'm in phase two. I took longer to go through phase one because of the heart work. It's not

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a rush. You know, I know you said that and I followed that through, but Mike, I have, I think

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I have two questions. This is my first time and I know it may sound crazy.

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see, I'm 61 years old. Um, this is my first time dating in over

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25 years. I know that's right, girl. Maybe some people are not

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even 25. I don't know. But, um, religious reasons, whatever. Um,

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how do two things concern me with that? I'm a little nervous.

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I'm a I'm very nervous. But how I also go through a lot of

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sicknesses. I don't want to get into it. It's not because of

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unhealed things, certain things have happened to me. And so, and

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also, I am a minister with my with a ministry. How do you?

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When and how do you present that to someone? I know you don't

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just come in. Hey, I'm a minister with a ministry and I

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go to sit. How do that scares me some like, I guess it's

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something of still have a rejection I may feel that I

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haven't even dated. And those thoughts are coming through my

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mind. Like once they find out that you still suffer from

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certain things, illnesses, or that you are up front with

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ministry internationally, that will be a turnoff for them. I

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don't know if this question sounds strange, but

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no, it's not.

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I do have a couple of clarifying questions so that I can give

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some wisdom here. The sicknesses, are you saying that

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that's attached to warfare from ministry? Is that what you're

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saying? Or you're just no, I'm not suffer with some from with

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some physical?

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Well, some of it is some of it is like I've ministered in India

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and I've been dealing with some warfare since 2017 sicknesses

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attached to that. But I'm not saying it's because of Indian

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people. I'm talking about spiritual warfare. Right? Right.

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Yeah. And I wanted to clarify that.

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Well, make sure that you also get checked for parasites because

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India is dirty. All right. Yes, I have. I have a lot of friends

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that have ministered in India and all of them have come back

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sick. Every one of them. Wow. The very unsanitary country.

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Very unsanitary country. It's actually the most polluted

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country in the world.

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Yes, it is. Thank you for telling me that. I do that. I've

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never

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easy to get you guys I know sounds gross, but it's easy to

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get a stool test. It's not even that expensive. And you know,

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you can test for parasites. Thank you so much. But there

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was something else that happened. Sure. Sure. Sure.

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Okay, that has nothing to do. I don't want to. But yeah, I got

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I got you. So listen, first of all, ladies, everyone who's

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dealing with any kind of physical stuff, okay? You maybe

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you have, you know, a thyroid issue or you have something else

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because we've had lots of people in this community that have had

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some sort of cancer while they're in this community, and

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thankfully, you know, healed and different things happening. You

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know, I believe that this is a place of life and life giving

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stuff up. Look, there's my husband. And then, but I will

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say that none of that just qualifies you from a love story.

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You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be perfectly

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healthy. None of it qualifies you for a love story. Obviously

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want to be the best that we can be as it pertains to us as far

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as it's in our control, right? Not everything's in our control.

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And so I don't want anyone to feel disqualified. If you have

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some mental health concerns, physical health concerns, that

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does not have to keep you from a love story. And then the second

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part of Tonya's question I want to say is this, is that the

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things that you're saying they may be a deal breaker for some

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people, and that's not your person that okay, it's not your

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person. And when it comes to telling people about your life

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or what you do, especially when it has anything to do with

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ministry, let it just be natural. Let it be a natural

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unfolding of how anybody would find out more about you. We

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don't have to sit down at a table with someone and, you

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know, put it all on the table, lay all the cards on the table

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to see if there's anything there that could possibly cause them

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to not want to see us anymore. What's natural is that when you

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meet someone, whether it's a love interest, or whether it's a

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business associate, or whether it's a potential friend, even of

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the same sex, what they find out about you, they find out about

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you slowly, don't they? Yes, they don't find it out in big,

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huge bites, they find it out in smaller bites. And that's very

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important. And if you find yourself constantly trying to

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give people too much information about yourself right from the

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jump, it's usually anxious attachment. It's usually because

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you're so afraid that you're gonna like this person, and

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they're not gonna like you, and they're gonna cut and run,

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because they're gonna find something out about you that

438
00:29:33.580 --> 00:29:36.540
they don't like. Because everybody has something about

439
00:29:36.580 --> 00:29:41.620
them that you're not gonna like. But it's about finding out about

440
00:29:41.620 --> 00:29:44.300
the things you do like about that person, so that by the time

441
00:29:44.300 --> 00:29:46.980
you find out about the thing you don't like, there's more

442
00:29:46.980 --> 00:29:51.540
positive than negative. Does that make sense? Yes. Okay, look

443
00:29:51.540 --> 00:29:54.300
at it as a bank account. This is really important subject, Tanya.

444
00:29:54.300 --> 00:29:57.380
So we're going to go there for one second. Right? All of you

445
00:29:57.380 --> 00:29:59.260
have opened a checking account, right?

446
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.360
put a deposit in there and then you have the ability to back in the day write checks that

447
00:30:05.360 --> 00:30:08.720
debit that account now you just use a little debit card and debit that account or you go to

448
00:30:08.720 --> 00:30:13.920
the ATM and withdraw money however you're making the withdrawal from that account you cannot

449
00:30:13.920 --> 00:30:18.320
withdraw more than you've deposited or you will overdraw the account it'll be in the negative

450
00:30:18.320 --> 00:30:22.480
it'll be in the red and you'll get a letter you'll get a fine something bad will happen right

451
00:30:23.520 --> 00:30:29.360
same with these new relationships you have to make enough of a deposit before you make a

452
00:30:29.360 --> 00:30:36.800
withdrawal lead with your strengths lead with the positive things about you show yourself in

453
00:30:36.800 --> 00:30:43.040
the most positive light that's not deceptive that's normal it's normal for you to let someone

454
00:30:43.040 --> 00:30:48.400
get to know the good things about you before you say oh yeah my baby daddy crazy you're not allowed

455
00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:56.720
to say that on the first couple dates why would you even think about saying that all right a man

456
00:30:56.720 --> 00:31:03.280
would have to really care about you and love you in order to put up with your psycho former husband

457
00:31:05.280 --> 00:31:11.520
let them fall in love before they know about that or at least let them get on the road to it okay

458
00:31:13.760 --> 00:31:20.560
cool if you have a sexually transmitted disease that is not a that is a need to know

459
00:31:21.120 --> 00:31:25.840
and they don't need to know that when do they need to know that when it's a possibility that

460
00:31:25.840 --> 00:31:30.640
they might have sex with you someday that's when they need to know that that's pretty far

461
00:31:30.640 --> 00:31:36.400
into the acquaintance isn't it not just everyone needs to know that you guys i have seen it all

462
00:31:36.400 --> 00:31:41.200
people show up to first dates second dates and they try to air all their dirty laundry try to

463
00:31:41.200 --> 00:31:46.320
scare this person away i did it myself with that man that just walked in and out of this room

464
00:31:46.320 --> 00:31:53.280
on our first date first date we were neighbors for months we were friends he knew me thank god

465
00:31:53.360 --> 00:31:58.480
because on our first date i as soon as it turned romantic i started getting scared and i started

466
00:31:58.480 --> 00:32:02.880
wanting to tell him all this negative stuff about myself that's not visible on the outside

467
00:32:04.240 --> 00:32:08.560
raise your hand if you have something physically wrong with you that other people would never know

468
00:32:08.560 --> 00:32:13.920
by looking at you you have a physical situation autoimmune disorder something that nobody would

469
00:32:13.920 --> 00:32:18.800
know by just looking at you all right well that's what i try to do i try to tell them about all the

470
00:32:18.800 --> 00:32:25.440
things mentally emotionally and physically that he wouldn't be able to see just by looking at me

471
00:32:26.000 --> 00:32:33.520
to see if he wanted to go ahead and run forest run right you're not allowed to give people

472
00:32:34.240 --> 00:32:39.760
lots of information about yourself you have to give it out in little bite-sized pieces

473
00:32:40.400 --> 00:32:47.280
lead with the good stuff write it down lead with the good stuff lead with the good stuff

474
00:32:49.520 --> 00:32:55.440
think about all the situations in your life that you took the opportunity because it looks so great

475
00:32:55.440 --> 00:33:00.160
and great and fun and it was and there were so many good things about it but as you got into it

476
00:33:00.160 --> 00:33:06.640
you you there were things about it that you didn't like had that person called you up on the phone had

477
00:33:06.640 --> 00:33:11.520
that employer sat across the the table from you and told you all the negative things wish you

478
00:33:11.520 --> 00:33:18.320
have taken that job think about that when you're on these dates oh hey one you know just so you know

479
00:33:18.800 --> 00:33:23.040
this or that this or that you know or this might happen or this is an option this could be a

480
00:33:23.040 --> 00:33:30.000
possibility no that's not how we sell something to someone and you need to understand that on these

481
00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:38.960
dates johanna you are selling yourself you are selling yourself lynette how good are you at

482
00:33:38.960 --> 00:33:44.720
selling yourself leticia leticia i don't you guys i can't sound things out so i'm sorry

483
00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:52.560
i'm sorry i'm phonetically disabled i'm not kidding melissa how good are you selling yourself

484
00:33:52.560 --> 00:33:57.680
that sweater is selling you to me i don't know that blue looks great on you all right so please

485
00:33:57.680 --> 00:34:02.160
remember that that when you're getting to know these guys whether it's on an app whether it's

486
00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:09.760
on a phone call whether it's through text message or an in-person you want to paint yourself in the

487
00:34:09.760 --> 00:34:16.560
best possible light leave the other stuff for after they already are attracted to you

488
00:34:17.600 --> 00:34:26.560
all right thank you jackie don't make any withdrawals tina you're up hello hello okay so

489
00:34:27.199 --> 00:34:34.719
last week you said get on a paid um site and just be on one so i signed up for christian mingle so

490
00:34:34.719 --> 00:34:40.320
i think i have i tested my pictures bethany commented so i think i've got good pictures

491
00:34:40.320 --> 00:34:46.639
a good profile okay so it's only been a couple days so not a whole lot let me ask you tina can

492
00:34:46.639 --> 00:34:55.600
i ask you a question how old are you 54 okay and how old were you when you went gray uh 53

493
00:34:57.120 --> 00:34:59.920
oh just recently yeah yeah but it is

494
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.720
It's all grown out, so I don't have like roots or anything.

495
00:35:03.720 --> 00:35:06.460
Okay, so here's the thing for you gray girlies.

496
00:35:06.460 --> 00:35:09.000
If you wanna rock the gray, like I'm almost 50,

497
00:35:09.000 --> 00:35:12.400
I'm gonna be 50 in 10 months.

498
00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:14.000
Yeah. I'm not gonna go gray.

499
00:35:14.000 --> 00:35:16.620
Okay, I do have, I mean, it's not grown in,

500
00:35:16.620 --> 00:35:18.560
but if I let it grow in, I have a lot of gray.

501
00:35:18.560 --> 00:35:20.160
I would go, and it would take a long time,

502
00:35:20.160 --> 00:35:21.360
obviously, to go gray.

503
00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:22.860
I make that choice.

504
00:35:22.860 --> 00:35:24.120
I don't wanna go gray.

505
00:35:24.120 --> 00:35:25.640
I'm not gonna go gray right now.

506
00:35:25.640 --> 00:35:27.960
I think gray looks stunning on people.

507
00:35:28.000 --> 00:35:30.080
Just so you know, I'm not saying that it doesn't,

508
00:35:30.080 --> 00:35:34.720
but you cannot do gray and no makeup

509
00:35:34.720 --> 00:35:36.880
because then you're a granny, you're a grandma.

510
00:35:36.880 --> 00:35:39.800
You're immediately someone's great grandma

511
00:35:39.800 --> 00:35:43.440
if you have gray hair and no makeup.

512
00:35:43.440 --> 00:35:47.080
And so, you know, unless you're like super crunchy,

513
00:35:47.080 --> 00:35:49.040
granola, hippie kind of person,

514
00:35:49.040 --> 00:35:51.360
who's gonna marry someone who's like that,

515
00:35:51.360 --> 00:35:56.360
then in order to offset the washout that gray does to us,

516
00:35:58.480 --> 00:36:01.720
we have to make sure that we're wearing makeup.

517
00:36:01.720 --> 00:36:02.600
All right, I just wanna say that.

518
00:36:02.600 --> 00:36:03.520
Go ahead.

519
00:36:03.520 --> 00:36:05.480
Yeah, I'll wear makeup for dates, I promise.

520
00:36:05.480 --> 00:36:06.640
All right.

521
00:36:06.640 --> 00:36:10.120
Make sure it's like a nice, bright lipstick blush.

522
00:36:10.120 --> 00:36:11.440
Make sure you got it going on.

523
00:36:11.440 --> 00:36:12.360
Yeah, yeah.

524
00:36:12.360 --> 00:36:17.360
Okay, so it's been a long time for me dating, right, Tanya?

525
00:36:18.600 --> 00:36:21.620
So it's been 15, 20 years.

526
00:36:22.600 --> 00:36:24.860
So trying to have a conversation,

527
00:36:24.860 --> 00:36:27.160
there is one guy that he liked me.

528
00:36:27.160 --> 00:36:29.160
He reached out first, sent me a message.

529
00:36:29.160 --> 00:36:30.800
And now it's like pulling teeth

530
00:36:30.800 --> 00:36:33.400
to try and like continue a conversation

531
00:36:33.400 --> 00:36:36.340
because I'll ask a question and then he'll answer it.

532
00:36:37.440 --> 00:36:40.640
But he's not like asking me questions.

533
00:36:40.640 --> 00:36:41.880
He's not- Is he local?

534
00:36:43.160 --> 00:36:45.460
He lives in Dayton, says he's moving to Blue Ash,

535
00:36:45.460 --> 00:36:47.920
which is not too far from me.

536
00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:48.760
How far?

537
00:36:50.120 --> 00:36:51.520
40 minutes.

538
00:36:51.520 --> 00:36:53.040
Like my sister lives over there,

539
00:36:53.040 --> 00:36:55.600
so it's not a big deal for me.

540
00:36:55.600 --> 00:36:57.920
You guys, these, so she's on Christian Mingle,

541
00:36:57.920 --> 00:37:01.400
for those of you that kind of spaced out, didn't hear that.

542
00:37:01.400 --> 00:37:04.720
And these are not talking apps.

543
00:37:04.720 --> 00:37:06.020
They're dating apps.

544
00:37:06.020 --> 00:37:09.960
So we either get to a date or thank you next.

545
00:37:09.960 --> 00:37:11.120
Okay?

546
00:37:11.120 --> 00:37:11.960
Yeah.

547
00:37:11.960 --> 00:37:12.780
Get to a date or thank you next.

548
00:37:12.780 --> 00:37:13.840
Go ahead and drop a hanky.

549
00:37:13.840 --> 00:37:15.620
Let's get together in person.

550
00:37:15.620 --> 00:37:16.800
You know, you can even say,

551
00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:19.320
hey, you know, talking like this is hard.

552
00:37:19.320 --> 00:37:20.560
I'm sure it's hard on you.

553
00:37:20.560 --> 00:37:22.120
It's hard to keep up with.

554
00:37:22.120 --> 00:37:24.680
You know, why don't we just get together in person?

555
00:37:25.600 --> 00:37:27.760
If they don't want to get together in person,

556
00:37:27.760 --> 00:37:29.240
then they're not here to date.

557
00:37:29.240 --> 00:37:30.600
Goodbye.

558
00:37:30.600 --> 00:37:31.440
Okay.

559
00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:32.280
Okay, cool.

560
00:37:32.280 --> 00:37:35.240
So I was actually born in Dayton and I told him that.

561
00:37:35.240 --> 00:37:37.560
So in my mind, I'm thinking,

562
00:37:37.560 --> 00:37:41.160
man, I've been wanting to go to the Dayton Art Institute.

563
00:37:41.160 --> 00:37:42.920
So should I do that?

564
00:37:42.920 --> 00:37:44.960
Should I drop the hanky and just say,

565
00:37:44.960 --> 00:37:47.080
hey, I've been wanting to go to the Dayton Art Institute

566
00:37:47.080 --> 00:37:49.120
and then see if he picks that up.

567
00:37:49.120 --> 00:37:51.280
And if not, move on.

568
00:37:51.280 --> 00:37:53.320
Well, you're not going to see if he picks it up.

569
00:37:53.320 --> 00:37:54.400
You're going to blatantly say,

570
00:37:54.400 --> 00:37:55.600
I've been wanting to do this.

571
00:37:55.600 --> 00:37:57.840
Would you like to go with me?

572
00:37:57.840 --> 00:38:00.480
And then he's going to either be forced to say yes or no.

573
00:38:00.480 --> 00:38:01.680
Ladies, it doesn't matter.

574
00:38:01.680 --> 00:38:05.000
It does not matter who initiates the first face-to-face.

575
00:38:05.000 --> 00:38:05.840
Yeah.

576
00:38:05.840 --> 00:38:07.240
All that matters is that we get there.

577
00:38:07.240 --> 00:38:08.600
And after we get there,

578
00:38:08.600 --> 00:38:10.640
if the man does not show initiation,

579
00:38:10.640 --> 00:38:14.140
if he does not show, you know, intention towards you,

580
00:38:14.140 --> 00:38:15.720
then he's just not interested in you

581
00:38:15.720 --> 00:38:18.960
or he's just not interested in a relationship at all.

582
00:38:18.960 --> 00:38:19.800
Right.

583
00:38:19.800 --> 00:38:20.620
And so once again,

584
00:38:20.620 --> 00:38:22.620
we're not going to waste our time, are we?

585
00:38:22.620 --> 00:38:24.060
Right.

586
00:38:24.060 --> 00:38:24.900
Right.

587
00:38:24.900 --> 00:38:26.380
We don't waste our time.

588
00:38:26.380 --> 00:38:27.200
Okay.

589
00:38:27.200 --> 00:38:29.540
So keep us posted on that, Tina.

590
00:38:29.540 --> 00:38:30.380
All right.

591
00:38:30.380 --> 00:38:31.200
Thank you.

592
00:38:31.200 --> 00:38:33.580
Is it Joe, Anna, Johanna?

593
00:38:33.580 --> 00:38:34.420
I don't know.

594
00:38:34.420 --> 00:38:36.220
What's, how do you say it?

595
00:38:36.220 --> 00:38:37.740
It's Johanna.

596
00:38:37.740 --> 00:38:39.360
All right.

597
00:38:39.360 --> 00:38:40.200
Hey.

598
00:38:40.200 --> 00:38:41.020
Great.

599
00:38:41.020 --> 00:38:43.060
So I have two questions.

600
00:38:43.060 --> 00:38:45.780
One question has to do with,

601
00:38:45.780 --> 00:38:46.660
as I've gotten,

602
00:38:46.660 --> 00:38:49.940
so I'm in my second week of phase two.

603
00:38:49.940 --> 00:38:51.900
And as I've gotten into,

604
00:38:52.900 --> 00:38:54.380
as I've started to,

605
00:38:54.380 --> 00:38:57.820
well, I'm waiting till March 1st

606
00:38:57.820 --> 00:38:59.580
to really like get on a paid app,

607
00:38:59.580 --> 00:39:02.300
but I decided to get on Facebook dating

608
00:39:02.300 --> 00:39:04.980
for the first time last weekend.

609
00:39:04.980 --> 00:39:05.820
The good one.

610
00:39:05.820 --> 00:39:08.220
And yeah, you think so?

611
00:39:08.220 --> 00:39:10.720
It's been really slow for me so far.

612
00:39:11.660 --> 00:39:12.940
You know, you guys,

613
00:39:12.940 --> 00:39:14.260
it goes through spurts.

614
00:39:14.260 --> 00:39:16.320
You guys have to remember a lot of places,

615
00:39:16.320 --> 00:39:17.840
the weather is kind of warming up.

616
00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:19.900
People are not on social media as much.

617
00:39:20.740 --> 00:39:21.580
You're enjoying the first, you know,

618
00:39:21.580 --> 00:39:24.740
bouts of sunshine after long winter months.

619
00:39:24.740 --> 00:39:26.780
So it goes through spurts.

620
00:39:26.780 --> 00:39:27.620
You can't just,

621
00:39:27.620 --> 00:39:29.160
don't judge it on just your first,

622
00:39:29.160 --> 00:39:30.900
you know, a couple weeks on there,

623
00:39:30.900 --> 00:39:32.540
but Facebook dating I like

624
00:39:32.540 --> 00:39:36.940
because the algorithm keeps scam accounts out a lot.

625
00:39:36.940 --> 00:39:37.780
It does.

626
00:39:37.780 --> 00:39:39.840
It will remove scam accounts pretty quickly.

627
00:39:39.840 --> 00:39:40.680
And the other thing is,

628
00:39:40.680 --> 00:39:42.780
is that it shows you the people

629
00:39:42.780 --> 00:39:44.500
that know the people that you know,

630
00:39:44.500 --> 00:39:47.300
but it doesn't show you the people that you know.

631
00:39:47.300 --> 00:39:48.740
So it's not embarrassing or awkward

632
00:39:48.780 --> 00:39:49.780
because it doesn't show anyone

633
00:39:49.780 --> 00:39:51.460
you're friends with on Facebook.

634
00:39:51.460 --> 00:39:52.860
It will not show you their account

635
00:39:52.860 --> 00:39:54.220
on the dating part of it,

636
00:39:54.220 --> 00:39:57.260
but it will show you all of their friends.

637
00:39:57.260 --> 00:39:59.660
So it's almost like community-based matchmaking.

638
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.400
Yeah, so I, um, I figured it would be a good place to start since it was free.

639
00:40:07.400 --> 00:40:11.280
And then second of all, because I do have, even though I'm not on Facebook except really

640
00:40:11.280 --> 00:40:17.080
for this phase two or for the, for the last year single program I have, because I used

641
00:40:17.080 --> 00:40:20.140
to use Facebook, I have like a lot of friends.

642
00:40:20.140 --> 00:40:23.160
So I thought, well, that'd be cool to try it was.

643
00:40:23.160 --> 00:40:29.920
So anyway, I've been, I went on a, I ended up zooming with this guy last night and I

644
00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:33.040
was really bored, really bored.

645
00:40:33.040 --> 00:40:40.160
And usually, usually, um, I probably wouldn't have even gone to zoom with him.

646
00:40:40.160 --> 00:40:42.760
Um, but I did want to give it a try.

647
00:40:42.760 --> 00:40:49.280
And so if you're, if I'm feeling, let me ask you a question.

648
00:40:49.280 --> 00:40:53.400
Did you like anything about him?

649
00:40:53.400 --> 00:40:59.240
I thought he was kind of quirky, you know, I liked his quirkiness.

650
00:40:59.240 --> 00:41:01.880
He's a scientist, he's a geologist.

651
00:41:01.880 --> 00:41:06.720
So intellectually there was something kind of like quirky, um, and he was very, he was

652
00:41:06.720 --> 00:41:07.720
real.

653
00:41:07.720 --> 00:41:11.880
Um, but I didn't like it.

654
00:41:11.880 --> 00:41:17.440
Did he express any interest to talk to you again?

655
00:41:17.440 --> 00:41:20.800
He, he wasn't very good socially.

656
00:41:20.800 --> 00:41:23.120
So I said, you know, I'm so glad we connected tonight.

657
00:41:23.120 --> 00:41:27.320
And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, he wasn't like, he, he didn't have really

658
00:41:27.320 --> 00:41:32.080
like a social finesse because you just said that he was, which is okay.

659
00:41:32.080 --> 00:41:33.080
I understand.

660
00:41:33.080 --> 00:41:34.080
Yeah.

661
00:41:34.080 --> 00:41:40.800
A lot of times scientists and geologists don't actually have a lot of social finesse.

662
00:41:40.800 --> 00:41:46.440
So, um, it might just be a possibility that that type of personality is not the right

663
00:41:46.440 --> 00:41:49.160
match for you.

664
00:41:49.160 --> 00:41:55.360
I see that big green, I don't really see you hanging out with intellectual egghead, gee,

665
00:41:55.360 --> 00:41:57.680
you know, you geologists maybe, right.

666
00:41:57.680 --> 00:42:04.000
Cause the rock, but, um, you know, my husband, my husband's family are all scientists and

667
00:42:04.000 --> 00:42:06.320
you guys, they're tree scientists.

668
00:42:06.320 --> 00:42:09.680
If that doesn't sound like a snooze fest, I don't know what does.

669
00:42:09.680 --> 00:42:13.280
And the dormant men are the most boring people that I've ever met in my life.

670
00:42:13.280 --> 00:42:19.560
And then there's one random David who I'm married to, who's like the life of the party.

671
00:42:19.560 --> 00:42:21.840
And so you never know.

672
00:42:21.840 --> 00:42:22.840
Yeah.

673
00:42:23.320 --> 00:42:24.320
Yeah.

674
00:42:24.320 --> 00:42:25.360
So, I mean, like I'm totally open.

675
00:42:25.360 --> 00:42:30.240
I like very intellectual types, however, and I've dated you and a geologist before, but

676
00:42:30.240 --> 00:42:33.200
he was, he was a different personality.

677
00:42:33.200 --> 00:42:40.880
So I just, I guess, how do I, if I'm feeling bored on a video chat, should I give it another

678
00:42:40.880 --> 00:42:41.880
try?

679
00:42:41.880 --> 00:42:42.880
That's what I'm like.

680
00:42:42.880 --> 00:42:50.800
My first question is, here's the thing, if he asks you out again in person, I would go,

681
00:42:50.800 --> 00:42:51.800
I would go.

682
00:42:51.800 --> 00:42:57.560
And here's why ladies, because a lot of people are way more awkward in this format.

683
00:42:57.560 --> 00:42:59.000
Okay.

684
00:42:59.000 --> 00:43:03.680
This format is intimidating for some people, even like work, like when they have to zoom

685
00:43:03.680 --> 00:43:05.600
for work or whatever, it's intimidating.

686
00:43:05.600 --> 00:43:07.200
They feel like anxious about it.

687
00:43:07.200 --> 00:43:13.520
A little bit of stage fright almost with being on video, you guys know, the number one the

688
00:43:13.520 --> 00:43:19.620
number one fear that people have besides death is, is public speaking.

689
00:43:19.620 --> 00:43:23.300
And people have a tendency to feel like this is like public speaking because it's not in

690
00:43:23.300 --> 00:43:24.300
person.

691
00:43:24.300 --> 00:43:25.300
It's not natural.

692
00:43:25.300 --> 00:43:27.220
It's like, it's like you're on a video.

693
00:43:27.220 --> 00:43:28.220
Right.

694
00:43:28.220 --> 00:43:33.220
And a lot of men are not good at number one, talking on the phone, zooming or texting.

695
00:43:33.220 --> 00:43:40.240
So do not judge them at that, but see if there's any kind of conversational chemistry in person

696
00:43:40.240 --> 00:43:44.620
only if he wants to get in person with you.

697
00:43:44.620 --> 00:43:45.620
Okay.

698
00:43:45.620 --> 00:43:46.620
Okay.

699
00:43:46.620 --> 00:43:51.300
If he does not, if he seeks you out and says, Hey, let's do it again.

700
00:43:51.300 --> 00:43:55.060
If he says, let's do it again, um, offer in person.

701
00:43:55.060 --> 00:43:56.060
Okay.

702
00:43:56.060 --> 00:43:57.060
Sounds good.

703
00:43:57.060 --> 00:44:04.420
And so my second question is, is as I've gotten, as I've moved forward into this Facebook dating,

704
00:44:04.420 --> 00:44:10.420
um, this is where I'm a little disheartened right now because I have done so much work

705
00:44:10.420 --> 00:44:17.580
with moving on from my ex, but I had a dream two nights ago that caused me to really start

706
00:44:17.580 --> 00:44:20.460
thinking about him yesterday.

707
00:44:20.460 --> 00:44:27.620
And so I'm, I'm disheartened because I feel like I, I'm never gonna get clear.

708
00:44:27.620 --> 00:44:31.340
I feel like I'm clear and then something else will come up.

709
00:44:31.340 --> 00:44:34.420
So that's normal.

710
00:44:34.420 --> 00:44:37.940
And the reason why it's normal is because you're actually venturing out into dating

711
00:44:37.940 --> 00:44:38.940
again.

712
00:44:38.940 --> 00:44:39.940
Okay.

713
00:44:40.460 --> 00:44:43.900
So one of the things that I tell all my students and clients that you guys have to understand

714
00:44:43.900 --> 00:44:47.060
is that you can think that you did all the therapy and all the counseling and all the

715
00:44:47.060 --> 00:44:49.740
coaching and all the coursework, right?

716
00:44:49.740 --> 00:44:53.780
You guys came out of phase one, heartwork and all that, but you're not going to really,

717
00:44:53.780 --> 00:44:59.940
really see, um, what else needs to be dealt with until you start to face some.

718
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.120
scenarios, putting yourself out there, asking someone to choose you or love you or pick

719
00:45:05.120 --> 00:45:06.120
you.

720
00:45:06.120 --> 00:45:07.120
You understand what I'm saying?

721
00:45:07.120 --> 00:45:11.920
And so it's normal for you to start having some memories come up, just use your hard

722
00:45:11.920 --> 00:45:17.320
work tools to unpack them, you know, confess, forgive, release, just, and then just move

723
00:45:17.320 --> 00:45:18.320
on.

724
00:45:18.320 --> 00:45:19.320
Okay.

725
00:45:19.320 --> 00:45:20.320
That's helpful.

726
00:45:20.320 --> 00:45:21.320
It's not always going to be, it's not always going to be this way.

727
00:45:21.320 --> 00:45:22.320
So I'm like, oh my gosh, no.

728
00:45:22.320 --> 00:45:23.320
You're like, what?

729
00:45:23.320 --> 00:45:24.320
When does it end?

730
00:45:24.320 --> 00:45:31.760
And you're like, no, no, go back down.

731
00:45:31.760 --> 00:45:33.800
No, come out.

732
00:45:33.800 --> 00:45:34.800
Better out than in.

733
00:45:34.800 --> 00:45:35.800
Okay.

734
00:45:35.800 --> 00:45:39.680
So come out and let's, you know, let's unpack you and move on.

735
00:45:39.680 --> 00:45:41.600
All right.

736
00:45:41.600 --> 00:45:42.600
Thank you so much.

737
00:45:42.600 --> 00:45:49.880
But I do have to say, I am feeling so like whole in certain places of my person that

738
00:45:49.880 --> 00:45:54.440
I have not, have not felt whole on my entire life.

739
00:45:54.440 --> 00:46:01.200
And so I know that it's because of this last six weeks of hard work, because I, we, I went

740
00:46:01.200 --> 00:46:05.000
into places that I did not let God into before.

741
00:46:05.000 --> 00:46:10.040
And so thank you for, for the coaching, really grateful.

742
00:46:10.040 --> 00:46:11.280
I love that so much.

743
00:46:11.280 --> 00:46:12.280
That makes me so happy.

744
00:46:12.280 --> 00:46:17.480
You guys, you know, it's just, it's so simple, but it's so supernatural and, um, and it's

745
00:46:17.480 --> 00:46:21.160
going to be a runway for your love story to take off.

746
00:46:21.160 --> 00:46:22.160
It really is.

747
00:46:22.160 --> 00:46:23.160
It's going to cause acceleration.

748
00:46:23.160 --> 00:46:28.000
Uh, Carol, what do you got?

749
00:46:28.000 --> 00:46:34.240
I also want to say thank you because breakthroughs, um, in the heartwork breakthroughs and soul

750
00:46:34.240 --> 00:46:42.120
ties breaking to like all of that was crucial for me to be clear and free.

751
00:46:42.120 --> 00:46:49.600
And it was, um, it was really a catalyst for me being able to find somebody and just

752
00:46:49.600 --> 00:46:57.680
all the tips around not being, um, just kind of looking at not the fruits of the spirit,

753
00:46:57.680 --> 00:47:01.360
but the, what was it that you called it?

754
00:47:01.360 --> 00:47:04.200
Um, the gifts that they have, you know,

755
00:47:04.200 --> 00:47:06.480
Give them specter, be a fruit inspector.

756
00:47:06.480 --> 00:47:07.840
Yeah, exactly.

757
00:47:07.840 --> 00:47:08.880
Yeah.

758
00:47:08.880 --> 00:47:10.720
So it's all been really, really good.

759
00:47:10.720 --> 00:47:14.040
I'm in a, um, right now, I don't know if you know, I'm okay.

760
00:47:14.040 --> 00:47:19.720
So I've had a long distance relationship, Minnesota, Florida, it's going awesome.

761
00:47:19.720 --> 00:47:23.280
We had the four video dates we've been talking, chatting, and then I went out to Florida.

762
00:47:23.280 --> 00:47:24.280
I just got back.

763
00:47:24.280 --> 00:47:25.280
I was there last week.

764
00:47:25.280 --> 00:47:26.760
It was amazing.

765
00:47:26.760 --> 00:47:32.280
Um, we're really clicking on every level, spiritual, you know, everything.

766
00:47:32.280 --> 00:47:33.920
I'm just like, thank you, God.

767
00:47:33.920 --> 00:47:37.080
I mean, he's, he's definitely in this.

768
00:47:37.080 --> 00:47:43.000
Um, my question is we're approaching level three and I just wanted some tips so that

769
00:47:43.000 --> 00:47:50.280
I'm not missing anything or not doing it wrong, but just missing anything, um, or what to,

770
00:47:50.280 --> 00:47:57.320
you know, kind of keep my antenna up for anything that I should share or learn about him that

771
00:47:57.320 --> 00:47:58.320
I haven't already.

772
00:47:58.320 --> 00:48:03.040
So when you say level three of relationship, to me, that means exclusivity, or you're going

773
00:48:03.040 --> 00:48:06.840
to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and it's going to be like a marriage minded courtship, right?

774
00:48:07.600 --> 00:48:08.600
Yes.

775
00:48:08.600 --> 00:48:09.600
Okay.

776
00:48:09.600 --> 00:48:10.600
All right.

777
00:48:10.600 --> 00:48:14.480
So this is where people start to kind of trip over their own attachment style, right?

778
00:48:14.480 --> 00:48:19.840
This is where we can start to focus on what we don't like about someone and forget all

779
00:48:19.840 --> 00:48:23.200
the stuff that we do like, and I'm trying not to do that.

780
00:48:23.200 --> 00:48:24.600
Right, right.

781
00:48:24.600 --> 00:48:27.280
Everyone has yellow flags, especially as men get older.

782
00:48:27.280 --> 00:48:31.840
Everyone has things that you're not going to really love about them, even on these dates.

783
00:48:31.840 --> 00:48:32.840
Okay.

784
00:48:32.840 --> 00:48:33.840
So she's been on the four video chats.

785
00:48:33.840 --> 00:48:37.200
She went in person is long distance, and that's got to accelerate quicker because it

786
00:48:37.200 --> 00:48:38.200
really does.

787
00:48:38.200 --> 00:48:41.160
Cause you got to know whether we want to put the investment in, but for those of you that

788
00:48:41.160 --> 00:48:46.040
are just going on local dates, after you leave the date, I want you to sit down and make

789
00:48:46.040 --> 00:48:50.120
a list of the things that you liked about the person.

790
00:48:50.120 --> 00:48:53.840
Not that you didn't like that you liked about the person.

791
00:48:53.840 --> 00:48:59.240
You know, when we get into this place where, um, you know, we've overblown this idea of

792
00:48:59.240 --> 00:49:02.840
our love story and our mind and what it's got to be like and what it has to be like

793
00:49:02.840 --> 00:49:07.360
if God's in it and it's the person that God has for us and all those things, we can really

794
00:49:07.360 --> 00:49:13.280
start looking for flaws almost immediately when we're meeting people.

795
00:49:13.280 --> 00:49:14.960
Don't do that.

796
00:49:14.960 --> 00:49:16.480
Do not do that.

797
00:49:16.480 --> 00:49:20.360
Start looking for things that are connections, start looking for things that you do like

798
00:49:20.360 --> 00:49:21.360
about the person.

799
00:49:21.360 --> 00:49:22.360
All right.

800
00:49:22.360 --> 00:49:26.360
And then decide on that list of what you do like, whether or not you want to let it be

801
00:49:26.360 --> 00:49:28.080
a yes until it's a no.

802
00:49:28.080 --> 00:49:31.000
And remember the no has to be a hard pass.

803
00:49:31.000 --> 00:49:36.040
It's not a yes until it's a no, no hard pass.

804
00:49:36.040 --> 00:49:38.760
There needs to be a reason for a hard pass, right?

805
00:49:38.760 --> 00:49:42.560
They're moving to London next week and you're not moving to London.

806
00:49:42.560 --> 00:49:43.560
Hard pass.

807
00:49:43.560 --> 00:49:44.560
Okay.

808
00:49:44.560 --> 00:49:45.560
They can't relocate.

809
00:49:45.560 --> 00:49:46.560
Neither can you.

810
00:49:46.560 --> 00:49:47.560
Hard pass.

811
00:49:47.560 --> 00:49:52.840
You find out something about their past that like they're in recovery and your husband

812
00:49:52.840 --> 00:49:58.660
was an, you know, an addict and you were trauma bonded for 25 years.

813
00:49:58.660 --> 00:49:59.500
Hard pass.

814
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.160
Okay, not everyone's gonna hard pass on people

815
00:50:02.160 --> 00:50:04.520
that are in recovery, but a lot of people

816
00:50:04.520 --> 00:50:07.760
that were married to addicts will hard pass on that.

817
00:50:07.760 --> 00:50:09.460
They're just not ready to deal with that.

818
00:50:09.460 --> 00:50:13.720
So Carol, I want you to begin to notice any areas

819
00:50:13.720 --> 00:50:15.580
where you feel like you're being picky,

820
00:50:15.580 --> 00:50:17.440
where you're being protective.

821
00:50:17.440 --> 00:50:19.040
I want you to make sure that you're putting that

822
00:50:19.040 --> 00:50:21.540
before the Lord on your Jesus Cares Board.

823
00:50:21.540 --> 00:50:24.960
Ladies, if you get into a level three relationship,

824
00:50:24.960 --> 00:50:27.600
my rule is you're not allowed to end it

825
00:50:27.600 --> 00:50:30.960
unless there are several confirmations of that

826
00:50:30.960 --> 00:50:33.120
from people outside of yourself

827
00:50:33.120 --> 00:50:35.280
that you have allowed into the process with you,

828
00:50:35.280 --> 00:50:37.200
like your coaches, okay?

829
00:50:37.200 --> 00:50:39.720
Because it's very possible that you're just getting

830
00:50:39.720 --> 00:50:44.040
what I call religious relationship anxiety.

831
00:50:45.640 --> 00:50:46.480
There's a lot of pressure-

832
00:50:46.480 --> 00:50:47.600
What did you mean by protected?

833
00:50:47.600 --> 00:50:48.560
Sorry.

834
00:50:48.560 --> 00:50:50.280
When you become protective of yourself,

835
00:50:50.280 --> 00:50:51.800
like you just start to,

836
00:50:51.800 --> 00:50:55.160
you start to get easily offended by things.

837
00:50:55.160 --> 00:50:57.040
And you know, you're just, you're self-protecting,

838
00:50:57.040 --> 00:50:59.000
you're building a wall, you're starting to pull back,

839
00:50:59.000 --> 00:51:00.760
you're starting withdrawal.

840
00:51:00.760 --> 00:51:03.600
Or you start telling yourself stories

841
00:51:03.600 --> 00:51:06.480
that are hurting your own feelings about the other person.

842
00:51:06.480 --> 00:51:09.280
Like, oh, they were much more communicative yesterday

843
00:51:09.280 --> 00:51:11.080
than they are today.

844
00:51:11.080 --> 00:51:12.880
I think they're breaking up with me.

845
00:51:13.840 --> 00:51:15.840
You know, you start telling yourself stories

846
00:51:15.840 --> 00:51:16.800
that hurt your own feelings,

847
00:51:16.800 --> 00:51:19.080
and we got to talk about that, okay?

848
00:51:19.080 --> 00:51:20.960
So start looking, start looking for,

849
00:51:20.960 --> 00:51:23.240
you're like, it's great right now.

850
00:51:23.240 --> 00:51:27.320
If it starts becoming not great,

851
00:51:28.440 --> 00:51:32.160
then let's find out why before we just assume

852
00:51:32.160 --> 00:51:34.360
that it means a no.

853
00:51:34.360 --> 00:51:35.200
Okay.

854
00:51:35.200 --> 00:51:36.280
That's the best thing to do now.

855
00:51:36.280 --> 00:51:38.480
And the other thing, you're long distance,

856
00:51:38.480 --> 00:51:40.280
don't over-communicate.

857
00:51:40.280 --> 00:51:43.520
Don't be talking two or three hours a day on the phone.

858
00:51:43.520 --> 00:51:44.360
All right?

859
00:51:45.360 --> 00:51:46.800
Here's the healthy balance.

860
00:51:46.800 --> 00:51:49.680
You talk, you might text a couple times a day,

861
00:51:49.680 --> 00:51:51.240
like, hey, how are you?

862
00:51:51.240 --> 00:51:54.080
And you plan a time to talk during the week,

863
00:51:54.080 --> 00:51:56.920
but don't talk every single day for hours.

864
00:51:56.920 --> 00:51:57.760
Okay?

865
00:51:57.760 --> 00:51:58.600
No, not for hours.

866
00:51:58.600 --> 00:51:59.440
Okay.

867
00:51:59.440 --> 00:52:00.520
No, you don't even need to talk

868
00:52:00.520 --> 00:52:02.000
every single day on the phone.

869
00:52:04.240 --> 00:52:05.480
You don't.

870
00:52:05.480 --> 00:52:06.960
Okay.

871
00:52:06.960 --> 00:52:10.800
Don't over-talk before you have more in-persons.

872
00:52:10.800 --> 00:52:11.840
Because what can happen is,

873
00:52:11.840 --> 00:52:15.560
is you can fall in love with someone that this person isn't.

874
00:52:15.560 --> 00:52:16.520
Right.

875
00:52:16.520 --> 00:52:19.360
And we spent four days together, so like-

876
00:52:19.360 --> 00:52:20.200
Yeah.

877
00:52:20.200 --> 00:52:21.240
We got to know each other.

878
00:52:21.240 --> 00:52:23.400
So still, we shouldn't talk.

879
00:52:23.400 --> 00:52:24.800
You got to know each other

880
00:52:25.720 --> 00:52:28.360
as much as you can know someone in four days.

881
00:52:28.360 --> 00:52:29.200
Yeah, I know.

882
00:52:29.200 --> 00:52:30.040
I know.

883
00:52:30.040 --> 00:52:30.880
Okay.

884
00:52:30.880 --> 00:52:33.040
So, when's the plan for him to come visit you?

885
00:52:34.960 --> 00:52:38.360
In two and a half weeks to three weeks.

886
00:52:38.360 --> 00:52:39.200
Okay.

887
00:52:39.200 --> 00:52:41.800
So, get a nice healthy pace going up until there.

888
00:52:41.800 --> 00:52:42.640
Okay?

889
00:52:42.640 --> 00:52:43.480
Okay.

890
00:52:43.480 --> 00:52:45.200
You want to do a little check-in every day?

891
00:52:45.200 --> 00:52:47.440
Fine, but don't be sitting around,

892
00:52:47.440 --> 00:52:49.840
like, listening to each other breathe for hours a day.

893
00:52:50.800 --> 00:52:52.120
Okay.

894
00:52:52.120 --> 00:52:53.560
Because you have to understand, listen,

895
00:52:53.560 --> 00:52:56.280
the emotional, the in-person emotional connection

896
00:52:56.280 --> 00:52:59.440
and physical connection has to be able to,

897
00:52:59.440 --> 00:53:01.960
has to be able to be conducive or support

898
00:53:01.960 --> 00:53:05.840
the not-in-person emotional connection.

899
00:53:05.840 --> 00:53:07.480
Does that make sense to everyone?

900
00:53:07.480 --> 00:53:09.440
What does that mean?

901
00:53:09.440 --> 00:53:11.920
It means you would get really close to someone

902
00:53:11.920 --> 00:53:15.640
over technology, and it's not sustainable in person.

903
00:53:15.640 --> 00:53:16.480
Yeah.

904
00:53:16.480 --> 00:53:19.320
Like, the in-person chemistry and vibe is not the same.

905
00:53:19.320 --> 00:53:20.160
Right.

906
00:53:21.120 --> 00:53:23.040
So, don't do that to yourself.

907
00:53:23.040 --> 00:53:23.880
Okay.

908
00:53:23.880 --> 00:53:24.720
Right?

909
00:53:24.720 --> 00:53:28.600
Keep a good pace until there's lots of in-person

910
00:53:28.600 --> 00:53:31.480
that can support how you're feeling about each other

911
00:53:31.480 --> 00:53:33.560
when you're not in person.

912
00:53:33.560 --> 00:53:34.480
Okay.

913
00:53:34.480 --> 00:53:35.320
Great.

914
00:53:35.320 --> 00:53:36.320
Thank you.

915
00:53:36.320 --> 00:53:38.880
Long distance people usually do one of two things.

916
00:53:38.880 --> 00:53:40.200
When they're not together,

917
00:53:40.200 --> 00:53:42.480
they romanticize the relationship.

918
00:53:42.480 --> 00:53:44.120
And then when they get together, like,

919
00:53:44.120 --> 00:53:45.560
oh, I don't know.

920
00:53:45.560 --> 00:53:46.520
But then when they're not together,

921
00:53:46.520 --> 00:53:48.400
they romanticize it again.

922
00:53:48.400 --> 00:53:50.160
Or the opposite.

923
00:53:50.160 --> 00:53:51.600
Or some hybrid of both of these,

924
00:53:51.600 --> 00:53:54.680
where they're like really avoidant

925
00:53:54.680 --> 00:53:55.520
when they're not together,

926
00:53:55.520 --> 00:53:56.360
but when they are together,

927
00:53:56.360 --> 00:53:57.320
they're like, this is great.

928
00:53:57.320 --> 00:53:58.160
This is wonderful.

929
00:53:58.160 --> 00:54:00.040
I really, really like this person.

930
00:54:00.040 --> 00:54:01.640
But then when they're not with the person,

931
00:54:01.640 --> 00:54:04.240
they start talking themselves out of it.

932
00:54:04.240 --> 00:54:06.120
They're like, oh, it's too hard,

933
00:54:06.120 --> 00:54:07.280
or I'm not really sure I like them.

934
00:54:07.280 --> 00:54:08.120
They see them again.

935
00:54:08.120 --> 00:54:09.360
They really like them.

936
00:54:09.360 --> 00:54:12.560
So, they usually do one of two of those, right?

937
00:54:12.560 --> 00:54:13.840
They either do one or the other,

938
00:54:13.840 --> 00:54:15.600
or a hybrid of both.

939
00:54:15.600 --> 00:54:16.440
Get it?

940
00:54:16.440 --> 00:54:17.360
So, watch for that.

941
00:54:18.680 --> 00:54:20.000
Watch for yourself doing that,

942
00:54:20.000 --> 00:54:21.800
or watch for him doing that.

943
00:54:21.800 --> 00:54:25.120
And there's a lot of really great

944
00:54:25.120 --> 00:54:28.960
long distance relationship information out there.

945
00:54:28.960 --> 00:54:30.280
Go find it.

946
00:54:30.280 --> 00:54:31.600
Of like things you can do.

947
00:54:31.600 --> 00:54:33.400
Online dates you guys can go on.

948
00:54:33.400 --> 00:54:35.720
Different ways you can hang out.

949
00:54:35.720 --> 00:54:37.280
Have a date night every week.

950
00:54:40.000 --> 00:54:42.080
Make sure you stay connected.

951
00:54:42.080 --> 00:54:43.080
Okay, good.

952
00:54:43.080 --> 00:54:43.920
Thank you.

953
00:54:45.960 --> 00:54:47.320
Gosh.

954
00:54:47.360 --> 00:54:48.640
I was gonna say something.

955
00:54:48.640 --> 00:54:50.000
You reminded me of something just now,

956
00:54:50.000 --> 00:54:51.520
but now I don't remember what it is.

957
00:54:51.520 --> 00:54:52.360
All right.

958
00:54:53.280 --> 00:54:54.120
Ms. Shonda.

959
00:54:55.600 --> 00:54:56.440
Hi, Jackie.

960
00:54:56.440 --> 00:54:57.280
Hi.

961
00:54:57.280 --> 00:54:59.960
I feel like I came in a little.

962
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.100
A little late. Well, I did come in late, but at the right time about the purge conversation. And then you mentioned something about purging friends and

963
00:55:07.580 --> 00:55:13.100
The Lord has definitely been sharing that with me, but I have a list of things that I wrote down and I'm just going to go

964
00:55:13.740 --> 00:55:19.860
I think as a result of this class. So this is more of a testimony today when I finished my swim and I was

965
00:55:20.420 --> 00:55:23.900
Drying my hair so it wouldn't be so wet coming outside

966
00:55:23.900 --> 00:55:30.420
I was like, you know, I love my body. Like I'm a fuller figure model. I've gone through some different changes

967
00:55:31.300 --> 00:55:38.180
And stopped modeling in the last year and a half just due to some family loss and dynamic changes and it was really

968
00:55:38.780 --> 00:55:40.780
just refreshing

969
00:55:40.920 --> 00:55:44.660
You reminding us to stay active and to get active and to keep moving

970
00:55:45.620 --> 00:55:50.660
So much so I was looking really rough after the swim because I don't go to the swimming pool looking great, right?

971
00:55:50.660 --> 00:55:52.660
because I'm going to swim and

972
00:55:52.980 --> 00:55:59.340
A man followed me around Whole Foods today. I spoke I did everything, you know that you guys said

973
00:55:59.340 --> 00:56:01.340
I mean, I wasn't really that interested in him

974
00:56:01.580 --> 00:56:05.660
Like he wasn't my type, but I was like, let me be friendly and he didn't say anything

975
00:56:05.660 --> 00:56:10.540
But followed me around the store and I thought it was great because then another guy kept looking at me and staring at me

976
00:56:10.660 --> 00:56:12.140
And it was like well, okay

977
00:56:12.140 --> 00:56:17.140
Well, obviously they think I'm you know, beautiful, but they don't know what to say and I'm speaking

978
00:56:17.140 --> 00:56:20.340
But I'm not that interested to keep going anyway

979
00:56:22.500 --> 00:56:26.180
Love is blind is on and I know a lot of people might be watching lovers blind

980
00:56:26.500 --> 00:56:32.220
but I thought it's been really helpful in seeing the blind questions that people have been asking and it's been

981
00:56:32.380 --> 00:56:36.220
identifying some of the attachment styles that you've talked about and how people are

982
00:56:36.620 --> 00:56:41.460
Bonding whether it's brick through trauma bonding and all that good stuff and not that it's good to

983
00:56:42.700 --> 00:56:45.020
use more of a secular show to

984
00:56:45.780 --> 00:56:48.140
See what you are what you shouldn't be doing

985
00:56:48.140 --> 00:56:50.140
I'm using it as to what I shouldn't be doing in dating

986
00:56:50.380 --> 00:56:54.500
But I thought it's been very helpful and identifying some of the same things that you've been saying

987
00:56:55.100 --> 00:57:00.620
So with that said I'm also on Facebook dating like I believe I

988
00:57:01.780 --> 00:57:03.780
don't know if it was Jackie or

989
00:57:04.300 --> 00:57:09.500
Johanna Johanna, yes, Johanna Joe Joe anna stated and

990
00:57:10.540 --> 00:57:16.340
guys are eliminating themselves based off of like not responding and

991
00:57:18.340 --> 00:57:22.940
I got some coaching with Renee about two weeks ago, and I finally talked to this guy who

992
00:57:24.140 --> 00:57:28.300
Hopped about of the blue. We went out on a date about a year ago and

993
00:57:28.780 --> 00:57:33.340
They came he came back in and I was like, well, why is all of a sudden he's sending me this text message. I

994
00:57:33.980 --> 00:57:39.900
Admit, I can be very to the point in direct like what's the point of this because it wasn't a good experience

995
00:57:40.380 --> 00:57:45.540
But after a few days and I had some time to talk I reengaged with him. It was like, hey

996
00:57:45.540 --> 00:57:52.460
I just wanted to know X Y & Z and so we talked but I realized what he was doing is wanting to fill a void and

997
00:57:52.980 --> 00:57:57.540
He was like I missed your company, but the company I was like we only have like a couple of weeks

998
00:57:57.540 --> 00:58:00.140
I was like we only had one day and I was like, where did you get this from?

999
00:58:00.340 --> 00:58:07.220
He saw me in Facebook dating and I couldn't get past Facebook dating because I wasn't sure I wanted to connect with him again

1000
00:58:07.340 --> 00:58:09.340
because he

1001
00:58:11.300 --> 00:58:13.980
Didn't do right the first time so anyway long story short

1002
00:58:15.060 --> 00:58:19.100
Um, I got asked me to go out on a Friday night

1003
00:58:19.100 --> 00:58:23.940
I don't really enjoy going out with men on Friday nights, especially if I don't know them for the first date

1004
00:58:24.060 --> 00:58:30.580
Is that okay to just let them know I will prefer to meet them during the day and just hold true to my boundaries I

1005
00:58:32.300 --> 00:58:34.300
Mean

1006
00:58:34.980 --> 00:58:38.100
There's a lot of questions in there, okay, so first of all

1007
00:58:38.780 --> 00:58:45.500
When someone goes out with you and then they don't show any interest in you and they kind of move on and then they come

1008
00:58:45.500 --> 00:58:49.900
Across you on a dating app and they you know, kind of try to reconnect with you

1009
00:58:50.100 --> 00:58:56.420
It's not always this but most the times that person has an avoidant attachment style

1010
00:58:56.820 --> 00:59:01.060
Okay, they want what they can't have they they have a lot of FOMO

1011
00:59:01.060 --> 00:59:06.780
They feel like they're missing out on something right until they see it up close and then they realize they don't want it again

1012
00:59:06.820 --> 00:59:12.260
Right, so we're not going to continue to cycle rinse repeat with those people. So that's

1013
00:59:12.860 --> 00:59:15.060
FOMO is fear of missing out Stacey

1014
00:59:16.060 --> 00:59:18.060
So they have some fear of missing out

1015
00:59:18.340 --> 00:59:19.700
And

1016
00:59:19.700 --> 00:59:26.020
That's why you guys that's why anxious and avoidance. We'll talk about that tonight. That's why it's such a bad match

1017
00:59:26.620 --> 00:59:29.740
Because anxious people a lot of times play games

1018
00:59:30.300 --> 00:59:34.460
they'll play like the I look hot don't you miss me game and

1019
00:59:35.580 --> 00:59:38.060
avoidance always bite on that hook

1020
00:59:38.900 --> 00:59:45.220
Because they're afraid they're missing something good right until they have you again. So they'll like they'll come and get you again

1021
00:59:45.220 --> 00:59:51.620
I don't know who sings that song Charlie Puth who sings that song of like, you know, I see you you're out

1022
00:59:51.700 --> 00:59:55.980
You know, you're gonna dance with me and flirt with me, but you're not coming home with me tonight that song

1023
00:59:55.980 --> 00:59:58.980
You know, that is classic anxious avoidance

1024
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.080
attachment right there like you know I want you you know I do so you're going

1025
01:00:06.080 --> 01:00:10.760
to you know you're gonna be with me because you like the game but then at

1026
01:00:10.760 --> 01:00:15.080
the end of the day it's not gonna turn into a relationship okay so we have to

1027
01:00:15.080 --> 01:00:19.080
make sure we're not doing that to the other part of her question because there

1028
01:00:19.080 --> 01:00:23.200
were a lot of just like statements in in what you said I feel like that we're

1029
01:00:23.200 --> 01:00:29.680
just showing hard work and understanding that we give off something beyond our

1030
01:00:29.680 --> 01:00:34.000
clothes or our hair being done or our makeup being on we give off a very

1031
01:00:34.000 --> 01:00:38.200
feminine energy that men like they're very attracted to that when we do our

1032
01:00:38.200 --> 01:00:42.400
heart work marriage minded men are looking for feminine hearted women and

1033
01:00:42.400 --> 01:00:48.520
so and they're not looking for us but they're looking for us and they will be

1034
01:00:48.520 --> 01:00:56.200
attracted to you regardless of jeans or t-shirt ball cap no makeup whatever if

1035
01:00:56.200 --> 01:01:01.080
you're giving that off okay so that's important to understand Friday night I

1036
01:01:01.080 --> 01:01:06.120
know a lot of people think that just Friday night's date night it's just kind

1037
01:01:06.120 --> 01:01:11.600
of a thing right Friday night is date night and so if you're going to suggest

1038
01:01:11.600 --> 01:01:20.320
a different time I would not sow the seed of distrust I wouldn't be like no

1039
01:01:20.320 --> 01:01:27.360
it's my policy not to meet on a Friday night because men do not like

1040
01:01:27.360 --> 01:01:31.560
distrustful women I know that we think that men will be attracted to our good

1041
01:01:31.560 --> 01:01:35.560
boundaries and we're being true to ourselves and this is our policy most

1042
01:01:35.560 --> 01:01:40.600
men will just hear she's high maintenance okay most men are just gonna

1043
01:01:40.600 --> 01:01:46.400
immediately say oh you know this woman is you know she's afraid of men you know

1044
01:01:46.400 --> 01:01:49.720
she thinks that men have ulterior motives or they're up to no good or

1045
01:01:49.720 --> 01:01:53.600
whatever and then I'm gonna have to overcome that in order to get to know

1046
01:01:53.600 --> 01:02:00.880
her better and most men nowadays don't want to do that they just don't and so

1047
01:02:00.880 --> 01:02:07.840
if you're going to re-suggest I would keep your policy to yourself and just

1048
01:02:07.840 --> 01:02:16.040
say hey you know I can't and you know why you can't can you know how about

1049
01:02:16.040 --> 01:02:24.680
Saturday afternoon thank you for that and the second question I have is with

1050
01:02:24.680 --> 01:02:29.720
guys who want to have meet you before they have like a video call I can't

1051
01:02:29.720 --> 01:02:34.720
remember the protocol on that so can you just share if there is a protocol or is

1052
01:02:34.720 --> 01:02:39.520
it just by our choice and how we feel I mean not all people are gonna have a

1053
01:02:39.520 --> 01:02:44.240
video call I mean I I always suggest a video call just so you can see if like

1054
01:02:44.240 --> 01:02:47.920
you know you're clicking and and it makes it less awkward to meet you in

1055
01:02:47.920 --> 01:02:52.240
person after you've talked on the video or even on a phone call even if it's not

1056
01:02:52.240 --> 01:02:56.880
a video call but not everyone's gonna do that and it's not a hard fast rule okay

1057
01:02:56.880 --> 01:03:04.920
thank you not everyone's gonna do that it's not hard fast rule okay ladies the

1058
01:03:04.920 --> 01:03:12.480
divine feminine is easygoing by nature and the reason why is because it didn't

1059
01:03:12.480 --> 01:03:19.760
have to self-protect against men with malicious intention divinely right we

1060
01:03:19.760 --> 01:03:24.120
were created for man right man is the glory of God woman is the glory of man

1061
01:03:24.120 --> 01:03:30.560
we were created from this part indicative of covering and protection and you know

1062
01:03:30.560 --> 01:03:34.880
the heart of God and just all different types of things so in order to get back

1063
01:03:34.880 --> 01:03:39.440
to our divinity of femininity it's important that we understand that when

1064
01:03:39.440 --> 01:03:46.200
we are when we come across a suspicious or guarded or over boundaried in you

1065
01:03:46.200 --> 01:03:53.080
know in that for the wrong reasons that's not attractive to masculine men

1066
01:03:53.080 --> 01:03:59.120
okay I know that we live in a world where men do have to prove that they're

1067
01:03:59.120 --> 01:04:04.080
not like all the others and I think that somewhere men do realize that but they

1068
01:04:04.080 --> 01:04:11.440
also don't sign up for that a lot of times okay so this is what I want to say

1069
01:04:11.440 --> 01:04:20.160
whoever hurt you that's on them but your healing is on you right whoever hurt you

1070
01:04:20.160 --> 01:04:24.640
whether it was your dad or your uncle or another man or someone or former or

1071
01:04:24.640 --> 01:04:30.640
whatever or just in general not being chosen whatever hurt you whatever

1072
01:04:30.720 --> 01:04:34.480
rejection you've experienced from men or abuse that you've experienced for men or

1073
01:04:34.480 --> 01:04:39.080
anything in the spectrum in between those things that's on them but your

1074
01:04:39.080 --> 01:04:45.120
healing is on you it's not on another man it's on you okay it's not up to them

1075
01:04:45.120 --> 01:04:50.960
to heal you although relationship with a good man will be part of that healing

1076
01:04:50.960 --> 01:04:57.320
it's on you to do enough healing to be able to connect and let love in okay and

1077
01:04:57.320 --> 01:05:01.360
so we got to do that work

1078
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.560
We have to do that work.

1079
01:05:01.560 --> 01:05:03.680
I know that a lot of women have it real twisted

1080
01:05:03.680 --> 01:05:05.160
with why does have high standards?

1081
01:05:05.160 --> 01:05:06.400
No, you have high walls.

1082
01:05:08.200 --> 01:05:09.920
We got to know the difference, ladies.

1083
01:05:09.920 --> 01:05:11.120
We have to.

1084
01:05:11.120 --> 01:05:13.720
Because we're sabotaging our own love story.

1085
01:05:15.520 --> 01:05:18.840
We're not letting someone get to know how great we are.

1086
01:05:18.840 --> 01:05:21.120
Because they can't climb the wall.

1087
01:05:21.120 --> 01:05:23.280
Because remember the book of Proverbs says,

1088
01:05:23.280 --> 01:05:25.360
build a wall, attract a thief.

1089
01:05:25.360 --> 01:05:27.760
So the only men that are going to see you as a challenge

1090
01:05:27.800 --> 01:05:30.240
when you have all that kind of energy on

1091
01:05:30.240 --> 01:05:31.640
are the men you don't want.

1092
01:05:33.480 --> 01:05:34.640
You do not want them.

1093
01:05:35.800 --> 01:05:38.800
Okay, I've seen this play out time and time and time again.

1094
01:05:38.800 --> 01:05:40.120
Guys, if you follow me on Instagram,

1095
01:05:40.120 --> 01:05:42.600
you'll see that I've been getting a little sassy lately

1096
01:05:42.600 --> 01:05:45.400
because I just got to play those cards, all right?

1097
01:05:45.400 --> 01:05:47.680
Because I'm tired of the religious spirit

1098
01:05:47.680 --> 01:05:48.960
keeping people single.

1099
01:05:50.360 --> 01:05:54.720
There is a spirit of religion that's keeping people single.

1100
01:05:54.720 --> 01:05:57.240
And we have got to come after it.

1101
01:05:57.240 --> 01:05:58.400
We have to.

1102
01:05:58.400 --> 01:06:01.520
I know that we think that it's only the curse.

1103
01:06:01.520 --> 01:06:04.400
But remember, religion is a byproduct of the curse.

1104
01:06:04.400 --> 01:06:06.040
I said it, it is.

1105
01:06:06.040 --> 01:06:08.080
Religion is a byproduct of the curse.

1106
01:06:08.080 --> 01:06:10.880
Religion was only instituted, the law of Moses,

1107
01:06:10.880 --> 01:06:13.040
all that stuff was instituted because of what?

1108
01:06:13.040 --> 01:06:14.720
The curse.

1109
01:06:14.720 --> 01:06:16.240
But there's a new law

1110
01:06:16.240 --> 01:06:18.440
that came at the finished work of the cross.

1111
01:06:18.440 --> 01:06:19.400
And we got to live in that.

1112
01:06:19.400 --> 01:06:20.760
We got to live on the other side of the cross.

1113
01:06:20.760 --> 01:06:22.800
We cannot live with all this suspicion

1114
01:06:22.800 --> 01:06:23.680
and all this control.

1115
01:06:23.680 --> 01:06:25.360
You guys, God's not a controller.

1116
01:06:26.280 --> 01:06:27.920
God's not controlling your love life.

1117
01:06:27.920 --> 01:06:29.640
He's not sitting up there and saying,

1118
01:06:29.640 --> 01:06:32.160
no, no, they're not the one.

1119
01:06:32.160 --> 01:06:33.440
No, don't date them.

1120
01:06:33.440 --> 01:06:36.840
No, what he is doing is he's inviting you

1121
01:06:36.840 --> 01:06:39.320
into a greater revelation of his love

1122
01:06:39.320 --> 01:06:41.600
so that you can recognize it in other people.

1123
01:06:43.000 --> 01:06:46.560
They're not gonna be perfect people, right?

1124
01:06:46.560 --> 01:06:49.120
But all these ideas of, oh, we don't have the same calling

1125
01:06:49.120 --> 01:06:51.160
and they can't handle my assignments.

1126
01:06:51.160 --> 01:06:55.000
So there are no, you guys, this is all just crazy talk.

1127
01:06:56.160 --> 01:06:57.000
Okay?

1128
01:06:58.120 --> 01:07:01.560
Anyone that is going to partner with you,

1129
01:07:01.560 --> 01:07:03.280
they only really have to have one criteria

1130
01:07:03.280 --> 01:07:04.880
when it comes to their spirituality,

1131
01:07:04.880 --> 01:07:06.680
and that's that they're teachable.

1132
01:07:06.680 --> 01:07:08.400
They wanna grow, they wanna progress,

1133
01:07:08.400 --> 01:07:11.560
they wanna continue to follow after God.

1134
01:07:13.280 --> 01:07:14.320
And then guess what?

1135
01:07:15.160 --> 01:07:16.800
He can lead y'all anywhere together.

1136
01:07:16.800 --> 01:07:19.840
If both of you have that in common, can't he?

1137
01:07:21.760 --> 01:07:23.880
Now, I hope this doesn't happen,

1138
01:07:23.880 --> 01:07:27.720
but if God showed up and said tomorrow,

1139
01:07:27.720 --> 01:07:30.360
hey, I want you two to go to Timbuktu,

1140
01:07:30.360 --> 01:07:32.960
me and my husband, we both would say yes.

1141
01:07:34.160 --> 01:07:37.600
We wouldn't maybe be excited about that

1142
01:07:37.600 --> 01:07:39.680
until we got excited about it.

1143
01:07:39.680 --> 01:07:42.160
You know, we moved to Texas the very same way.

1144
01:07:42.160 --> 01:07:45.760
God simultaneously told both of us

1145
01:07:45.760 --> 01:07:47.440
that we were gonna move to Texas.

1146
01:07:47.440 --> 01:07:49.440
He prepared our hearts for it.

1147
01:07:49.440 --> 01:07:51.920
We came and visited, he opened the doors,

1148
01:07:51.920 --> 01:07:54.360
we got excited, we got the desire to move,

1149
01:07:54.360 --> 01:07:55.400
and then we moved.

1150
01:07:55.400 --> 01:07:57.960
But we were both open to it, all right?

1151
01:07:57.960 --> 01:07:59.800
My first husband was not like that.

1152
01:07:59.800 --> 01:08:02.840
My first husband had a very religious idea of God,

1153
01:08:02.840 --> 01:08:05.960
and he was not open to change.

1154
01:08:05.960 --> 01:08:07.840
Everything that he knew about God, he already knew.

1155
01:08:07.840 --> 01:08:11.040
He wasn't gonna learn anything new about God,

1156
01:08:11.040 --> 01:08:13.800
and he had already decided what God had called him to do

1157
01:08:13.800 --> 01:08:16.760
and told him to do, and it's like, that's it.

1158
01:08:16.760 --> 01:08:18.279
God tells you one time in your life,

1159
01:08:18.279 --> 01:08:20.000
and then you just do it for the rest of your life.

1160
01:08:20.000 --> 01:08:22.600
That was what I was dealing with.

1161
01:08:22.600 --> 01:08:24.880
So there was no walking in the spirit

1162
01:08:24.880 --> 01:08:26.200
or following after the spirit.

1163
01:08:26.200 --> 01:08:27.520
You understand what I'm saying?

1164
01:08:27.520 --> 01:08:29.920
And so that was just one of the reasons

1165
01:08:29.920 --> 01:08:33.160
why we were a massively bad mix, okay?

1166
01:08:33.160 --> 01:08:37.160
Because when you're hearing the Lord in one way,

1167
01:08:37.160 --> 01:08:42.160
and this person is staunchly set on their religious ideas,

1168
01:08:42.240 --> 01:08:46.319
that can cause a lot of abuse to start happening, right?

1169
01:08:47.319 --> 01:08:49.720
Let's just say the word Jezebel was mentioned

1170
01:08:50.439 --> 01:08:54.319
more than once, and all of us are like,

1171
01:08:54.319 --> 01:08:59.319
dang, not the J word, and that's not Jesus.

1172
01:09:00.920 --> 01:09:05.000
Okay, so, all right, guys, religion is ugly.

1173
01:09:05.000 --> 01:09:06.680
We gotta come after it, all right?

1174
01:09:06.680 --> 01:09:07.840
We're gonna come after it together.

1175
01:09:07.840 --> 01:09:10.439
So who's coming tonight to Attachment?

1176
01:09:10.439 --> 01:09:12.160
Are we gonna watch it in replay?

1177
01:09:12.160 --> 01:09:14.760
Oh, good, lots and lots and lots of people.

1178
01:09:14.760 --> 01:09:16.080
All right, well, I hope that you guys

1179
01:09:16.080 --> 01:09:17.279
got some breakthrough today.

1180
01:09:17.279 --> 01:09:18.960
I feel like we covered a lot of great topics,

1181
01:09:18.960 --> 01:09:22.080
and this will be available in replay,

1182
01:09:22.080 --> 01:09:23.840
and you'll find it in your portal.

1183
01:09:23.840 --> 01:09:25.880
Don't forget, we have that app coming,

1184
01:09:25.880 --> 01:09:28.479
and all of your curriculum, all of your community,

1185
01:09:28.479 --> 01:09:29.640
everything's gonna be on there.

1186
01:09:29.640 --> 01:09:31.359
If you wanna go off Facebook, you can.

1187
01:09:31.359 --> 01:09:32.880
It's gonna be so great.

1188
01:09:32.880 --> 01:09:35.319
Whatever you wanna do, it's gonna be all there.

1189
01:09:35.319 --> 01:09:38.240
Easy to use, not clunky like a lot of apps,

1190
01:09:38.240 --> 01:09:42.160
and it's gonna be the precursor in the dating portion of it

1191
01:09:42.160 --> 01:09:43.359
to the app that's coming out

1192
01:09:43.359 --> 01:09:46.160
at the end of the spring, early summer, all right?

1193
01:09:46.160 --> 01:09:48.120
So, all right, I'm showing up.

1194
01:09:48.120 --> 01:09:49.080
You guys show up.

1195
01:09:49.080 --> 01:09:49.920
I'll see you tonight.

1196
01:09:49.920 --> 01:09:50.760
Bye, everyone.