WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.120 For the past 100 years we've been hearing about IQ, an intelligence quotient, which 2 00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:10.760 has become a big part of the school system, educational system, because people are always 3 00:00:10.760 --> 00:00:14.720 evaluating others based on IQ. 4 00:00:14.720 --> 00:00:18.040 And that has to do with their intelligence, it has to do with really what you're born 5 00:00:18.040 --> 00:00:19.040 with. 6 00:00:19.040 --> 00:00:24.680 Very little has been said until the last 25 years or so with this idea of emotional quotient. 7 00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:38.640 As a leader, leading both sometimes in business, in athletics, then as a pastor, missionary, 8 00:00:38.640 --> 00:00:44.000 so many different situations that I've found myself in, I am always on the lookout for 9 00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:48.320 men and women who are good in relationships, and that's EQ. 10 00:00:48.320 --> 00:00:56.200 So the EQ factor is how good are you in communication, how good are you in understanding yourself 11 00:00:56.360 --> 00:01:02.760 in relation to others, because leadership is largely about working with people toward 12 00:01:02.760 --> 00:01:05.800 a vision, working with people toward a mission. 13 00:01:05.800 --> 00:01:11.520 I think you could arguably define leadership as influence. 14 00:01:11.520 --> 00:01:15.160 If I could think of the simplest word to describe leadership it would be influence. 15 00:01:15.160 --> 00:01:20.040 Well influence comes through communication, influence comes through relationships with 16 00:01:20.040 --> 00:01:21.040 people. 17 00:01:21.040 --> 00:01:25.200 And so one of the biggest struggles that a lot of leaders have, and maybe a lot of you 18 00:01:25.200 --> 00:01:29.600 out there in whatever endeavor you're involved in, is how to get along with people. 19 00:01:29.600 --> 00:01:34.120 I mean I've heard people say, man being a pastor would be easy if it wasn't for the 20 00:01:34.120 --> 00:01:35.120 people. 21 00:01:35.120 --> 00:01:38.880 I've heard people say, well my business would be going great if it wasn't for my staff. 22 00:01:38.880 --> 00:01:44.120 So the relationship with people is always the hardest thing, that's the hardest thing 23 00:01:44.120 --> 00:01:48.340 to build, it's also the easiest thing to lose. 24 00:01:48.340 --> 00:01:54.120 And I've found that one outburst of anger can ruin years of good relationships. 25 00:01:54.120 --> 00:01:57.680 And so anger can be a problem in your EQ. 26 00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:04.060 It could be that lack of discipline in our own life can hamper EQ. 27 00:02:04.060 --> 00:02:11.120 It could be that there's issues in your life because of shame that disable you from getting 28 00:02:11.120 --> 00:02:12.120 close to people. 29 00:02:12.120 --> 00:02:16.440 Well I'm going to cover that later, I'm not going to cover that today about some of the 30 00:02:16.440 --> 00:02:18.480 factors that hurt EQ. 31 00:02:18.480 --> 00:02:23.720 But what I want to do today is just talk about what EQ is and how healthy it is. 32 00:02:23.720 --> 00:02:27.400 How healthy it is to have a good solid EQ. 33 00:02:27.400 --> 00:02:33.040 But let me begin with a definition, I want to give you a definition of the EQ factor. 34 00:02:33.040 --> 00:02:34.760 What is EQ? 35 00:02:34.760 --> 00:02:38.060 EQ is emotional intelligence. 36 00:02:38.060 --> 00:02:46.960 And it's the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways 37 00:02:47.080 --> 00:02:56.560 to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, 38 00:02:56.560 --> 00:02:57.800 and defuse conflict. 39 00:02:57.800 --> 00:03:02.440 That's a pretty big definition, I'm going to say it a little bit faster this time, but 40 00:03:02.440 --> 00:03:06.800 emotional quotient is emotional intelligence. 41 00:03:06.800 --> 00:03:12.000 And it's the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways 42 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:18.680 to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, 43 00:03:18.680 --> 00:03:20.360 and defuse conflict. 44 00:03:20.360 --> 00:03:25.680 Having a strong EQ enables you to work with different types of people. 45 00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:30.880 And whether we're managing something, whether we're just a father or mother working with 46 00:03:30.880 --> 00:03:38.160 a large family or with siblings in our own family, whether we're at a mid-level or high-level 47 00:03:38.160 --> 00:03:41.840 job, whatever it is, you're always going to be working with people. 48 00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:48.120 Even the IT guy who stays at home and works there, there's going to be, with their company, 49 00:03:48.120 --> 00:03:49.760 some kind of communication with people. 50 00:03:49.760 --> 00:03:52.440 So this is just the way life is. 51 00:03:52.440 --> 00:03:55.280 Life is about relationships. 52 00:03:55.280 --> 00:03:58.920 It was Brene Brown that said, we are wired for connection. 53 00:03:58.920 --> 00:04:00.080 So that is so true. 54 00:04:00.080 --> 00:04:01.640 We're all wired for connection. 55 00:04:01.640 --> 00:04:03.180 We long for that. 56 00:04:03.180 --> 00:04:08.520 And it's a big problem in our society when we can't get along. 57 00:04:08.920 --> 00:04:15.280 I mean, if you look at the political landscape right now in our country, it is just wrapped 58 00:04:15.280 --> 00:04:16.920 with division. 59 00:04:16.920 --> 00:04:23.920 And it's largely because one particular candidate is completely disparaging of another candidate. 60 00:04:23.920 --> 00:04:27.400 That candidate is disparaging of the other candidate because they were disparaging to 61 00:04:27.400 --> 00:04:28.400 them. 62 00:04:28.400 --> 00:04:34.960 And so the lack of unity within the political landscape is largely because, and I'm going 63 00:04:34.960 --> 00:04:38.400 to go out on a limb here, but I think it's actually true historically. 64 00:04:38.400 --> 00:04:42.200 Most of your politicians do not have a high EQ factor. 65 00:04:42.200 --> 00:04:43.940 They're probably pretty intelligent. 66 00:04:43.940 --> 00:04:45.560 They're fairly driven. 67 00:04:45.560 --> 00:04:48.080 They're definitely ambitious. 68 00:04:48.080 --> 00:04:52.280 And they've probably built companies and jobs based on a product that they have. 69 00:04:52.280 --> 00:04:57.720 But most of our politicians aren't probably great at EQ, but yet it's the key to everything 70 00:04:57.720 --> 00:04:58.720 in life. 71 00:04:58.720 --> 00:04:58.720 72 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.180 EQ will empower you in four ways. 73 00:05:04.180 --> 00:05:07.620 I wanna give you four ways where EQ is so important. 74 00:05:07.620 --> 00:05:09.900 Number one is self-management. 75 00:05:09.900 --> 00:05:14.900 You're able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, 76 00:05:14.940 --> 00:05:18.500 manage your emotions in healthy ways, 77 00:05:18.500 --> 00:05:22.660 take the initiative, follow through on the commitments 78 00:05:22.660 --> 00:05:26.860 that you make, and adapt to changing circumstances. 79 00:05:26.860 --> 00:05:27.820 That's a mouthful. 80 00:05:27.820 --> 00:05:29.780 If you can't manage yourself, 81 00:05:29.780 --> 00:05:32.860 you're not gonna do very well in managing others. 82 00:05:32.860 --> 00:05:35.700 Matter of fact, I would say that the number one factor 83 00:05:35.700 --> 00:05:39.820 in good leadership is being able to lead yourself first. 84 00:05:39.820 --> 00:05:41.660 So if you can't lead yourself, 85 00:05:41.660 --> 00:05:43.140 if you can't manage yourself, 86 00:05:43.140 --> 00:05:46.780 your EQ is not gonna be up to the potential 87 00:05:46.780 --> 00:05:47.900 that it could be. 88 00:05:47.900 --> 00:05:50.700 Number two, self-awareness. 89 00:05:50.700 --> 00:05:53.020 You recognize your own emotions 90 00:05:53.020 --> 00:05:55.900 and how they affect your thoughts and behavior. 91 00:05:55.900 --> 00:05:58.700 You know your strengths and weaknesses, 92 00:05:58.700 --> 00:06:01.740 and yet you have self-confidence. 93 00:06:01.740 --> 00:06:04.780 So first is self-management, but second is self-awareness. 94 00:06:04.780 --> 00:06:06.460 How many of us have known people 95 00:06:06.460 --> 00:06:11.300 that are incredibly intelligent, phenomenally gifted, 96 00:06:11.300 --> 00:06:16.300 marvelous in maybe working a room with other people, 97 00:06:16.460 --> 00:06:20.220 but yet they've got these glaring blind areas, 98 00:06:20.220 --> 00:06:23.820 blind spots in their life that everybody can see but them. 99 00:06:23.820 --> 00:06:25.580 When I talk about EQ factor, 100 00:06:25.580 --> 00:06:28.380 I'm not just talking about self-management 101 00:06:28.380 --> 00:06:29.980 as it relates to leading others, 102 00:06:29.980 --> 00:06:32.500 but I'm also talking about self-awareness 103 00:06:32.500 --> 00:06:35.540 in leading yourself and the importance 104 00:06:35.540 --> 00:06:38.220 of being able to know your blind spots. 105 00:06:38.220 --> 00:06:42.140 A lot of companies at the end of the year 106 00:06:42.140 --> 00:06:43.980 do these things called 360s. 107 00:06:43.980 --> 00:06:46.940 And what a 360 is is where those who are working 108 00:06:46.940 --> 00:06:48.820 with a particular leader have the chance, 109 00:06:48.820 --> 00:06:52.060 usually anonymously, to evaluate strengths 110 00:06:52.060 --> 00:06:53.380 and weaknesses of that leader. 111 00:06:53.380 --> 00:06:55.620 It's really, really disconcerting. 112 00:06:55.620 --> 00:06:58.140 And it's very challenging to go through those 113 00:06:58.140 --> 00:07:00.260 because you hear some things you don't wanna hear. 114 00:07:00.260 --> 00:07:03.180 And the reason you hear things you don't wanna hear 115 00:07:03.180 --> 00:07:05.980 is because usually the leader has blind spots. 116 00:07:05.980 --> 00:07:07.900 And we all have blind spots, 117 00:07:07.900 --> 00:07:09.540 but don't we wanna grow in that? 118 00:07:09.540 --> 00:07:11.820 I know I do, I hope you do, 119 00:07:11.820 --> 00:07:14.740 because who wants to keep making the same mistakes 120 00:07:14.740 --> 00:07:17.860 year after year, decade after decade, 121 00:07:17.860 --> 00:07:21.660 because A, nobody has the boldness 122 00:07:21.700 --> 00:07:24.860 to tell us our blind spot areas, 123 00:07:24.860 --> 00:07:26.820 or they have been bold enough to tell us, 124 00:07:26.820 --> 00:07:29.220 but we don't wanna hear it, so we don't change. 125 00:07:29.220 --> 00:07:34.220 So I'm talking about a high EQ being self-aware. 126 00:07:34.440 --> 00:07:38.420 That means you realize I've got these weaknesses. 127 00:07:38.420 --> 00:07:42.820 And I think that can be so positive in our lives 128 00:07:42.820 --> 00:07:44.020 if we start working on that. 129 00:07:44.020 --> 00:07:46.780 Like in the new year, let me give you an example. 130 00:07:46.780 --> 00:07:50.900 In my life, for the new year, I said as one of my goals 131 00:07:50.900 --> 00:07:55.700 that I would have as much conflict resolution 132 00:07:55.700 --> 00:07:58.340 with people as necessary. 133 00:07:58.340 --> 00:08:01.700 So what I meant by that is I wasn't gonna avoid conflict. 134 00:08:01.700 --> 00:08:03.100 I was gonna go after it. 135 00:08:03.100 --> 00:08:04.580 And so it's been really good. 136 00:08:04.580 --> 00:08:06.580 I've had probably twice to three times 137 00:08:06.580 --> 00:08:10.440 as many conflict resolution situations 138 00:08:10.440 --> 00:08:11.540 because that's my prayer. 139 00:08:11.540 --> 00:08:12.660 I wanna grow in that. 140 00:08:12.660 --> 00:08:15.380 Conflict is not my gig, man. 141 00:08:15.380 --> 00:08:16.700 I don't like conflict. 142 00:08:16.700 --> 00:08:19.020 And in the past, I've sort of avoided it, 143 00:08:19.020 --> 00:08:20.700 and to my own peril. 144 00:08:21.380 --> 00:08:22.220 I mean, it can be a real problem 145 00:08:22.220 --> 00:08:23.420 if you can't deal with conflict. 146 00:08:23.420 --> 00:08:27.020 So when I see things now that are happening, 147 00:08:27.020 --> 00:08:29.340 I feel like it's my responsibility as a leader 148 00:08:29.340 --> 00:08:32.419 and a follower of Jesus and a friend, 149 00:08:32.419 --> 00:08:34.740 because most of the time it's dealing with relationships 150 00:08:34.740 --> 00:08:36.500 that I have that are my friends, 151 00:08:36.500 --> 00:08:38.720 to just not call out, 152 00:08:38.720 --> 00:08:40.539 I'm not even gonna use the word confront, 153 00:08:40.539 --> 00:08:42.419 but more like clarify. 154 00:08:42.419 --> 00:08:46.580 I think clarifying is a better word than confronting. 155 00:08:46.580 --> 00:08:48.820 To say I wanna clarify, I know you didn't mean this, 156 00:08:48.820 --> 00:08:51.660 but, and then we start talking through 157 00:08:51.660 --> 00:08:54.020 what we call here at the road, at our church, 158 00:08:54.020 --> 00:08:55.420 at Covenant of Harmony, 159 00:08:55.420 --> 00:08:57.900 start working through those areas 160 00:08:57.900 --> 00:08:59.900 that they have blind spots in, 161 00:08:59.900 --> 00:09:02.940 and that I help them, I guide them, I equip them, 162 00:09:02.940 --> 00:09:06.460 and empowering them to be the best person that they can be. 163 00:09:06.460 --> 00:09:08.420 So that's actually one of my goals. 164 00:09:08.420 --> 00:09:09.980 So one thing you might think about 165 00:09:09.980 --> 00:09:13.340 is setting goals in your life based around your weakness. 166 00:09:13.340 --> 00:09:15.620 What are some of the big weaknesses of your life 167 00:09:15.620 --> 00:09:18.580 that are hindering EQ that you should just say, 168 00:09:19.340 --> 00:09:20.180 Lord, I'm giving this to you. 169 00:09:20.180 --> 00:09:22.460 Give me a lot of opportunities in my weakness 170 00:09:22.460 --> 00:09:25.620 so I can grow and have a higher EQ. 171 00:09:25.620 --> 00:09:28.580 So the first was self-management. 172 00:09:28.580 --> 00:09:30.180 The second was self-awareness. 173 00:09:30.180 --> 00:09:33.980 Thirdly, social awareness, social awareness. 174 00:09:33.980 --> 00:09:37.340 To have empathy, to understand the emotions, 175 00:09:37.340 --> 00:09:40.740 needs, and concerns of other people. 176 00:09:40.740 --> 00:09:43.180 To pick up on emotional cues, 177 00:09:43.180 --> 00:09:45.660 feel comfortable socially, 178 00:09:45.740 --> 00:09:49.580 and recognize the power dynamics in a group organization. 179 00:09:49.580 --> 00:09:53.300 So what I'm speaking of here is being around people, 180 00:09:53.300 --> 00:09:54.740 being around a team, 181 00:09:54.740 --> 00:09:57.500 and your ability to pick up what's happening in that room, 182 00:09:57.500 --> 00:09:59.780 to pick up from people their social cues. 183 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:01.840 because people get people go through 184 00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:02.960 loneliness. People go through 185 00:10:02.960 --> 00:10:05.000 depression. People get excited about 186 00:10:05.000 --> 00:10:06.360 certain things. And I think as a 187 00:10:06.360 --> 00:10:08.280 leader, EQ, a high 188 00:10:08.280 --> 00:10:10.640 EQ is the ability 189 00:10:10.640 --> 00:10:12.560 to recognize what's 190 00:10:12.560 --> 00:10:14.160 happening in someone's life without 191 00:10:14.160 --> 00:10:15.360 having to just ask them all these 192 00:10:15.360 --> 00:10:16.720 questions. But you just begin to 193 00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:18.560 sense that because you've got a high 194 00:10:18.560 --> 00:10:20.240 EQ to be able to help 195 00:10:20.240 --> 00:10:21.640 guide them and love them. 196 00:10:21.640 --> 00:10:23.680 And because sometimes, you know, 197 00:10:23.680 --> 00:10:25.960 being a straightforward 198 00:10:25.960 --> 00:10:28.000 visionary is not what people need. 199 00:10:28.000 --> 00:10:29.720 What they need is an arm around the 200 00:10:29.720 --> 00:10:31.000 shoulder to say you're doing a great 201 00:10:31.000 --> 00:10:33.320 job. Appreciate what you're doing. 202 00:10:33.320 --> 00:10:35.280 And they don't need another 203 00:10:35.280 --> 00:10:36.320 task. 204 00:10:36.320 --> 00:10:37.960 They actually need encouragement. 205 00:10:37.960 --> 00:10:38.960 Well, how do you know that? 206 00:10:38.960 --> 00:10:41.080 Well, that's by developing social 207 00:10:41.080 --> 00:10:42.920 awareness. And that honestly, 208 00:10:42.920 --> 00:10:44.200 that's the only way that happens is 209 00:10:44.200 --> 00:10:45.960 by doing it. You just have to be in 210 00:10:45.960 --> 00:10:47.200 it. Make some mistakes. 211 00:10:47.200 --> 00:10:48.720 Make a lot of mistakes, actually, 212 00:10:48.720 --> 00:10:50.480 because people are are 213 00:10:50.480 --> 00:10:51.720 sometimes hard to judge. 214 00:10:51.720 --> 00:10:53.920 They really are. Some people cloak 215 00:10:53.920 --> 00:10:56.040 themselves so well 216 00:10:56.040 --> 00:10:58.200 in hiding and posing 217 00:10:58.200 --> 00:10:59.880 that it's hard to figure out. 218 00:10:59.880 --> 00:11:02.000 So fourthly, the last 219 00:11:02.000 --> 00:11:03.720 one I would say on EQ 220 00:11:03.720 --> 00:11:05.680 is relationship management. 221 00:11:05.680 --> 00:11:07.760 Relationship management. 222 00:11:07.760 --> 00:11:09.760 You know how to develop and maintain 223 00:11:09.760 --> 00:11:11.320 good relationships. 224 00:11:11.320 --> 00:11:13.600 Communicate clearly. 225 00:11:13.600 --> 00:11:15.880 Inspire and influence 226 00:11:15.880 --> 00:11:17.880 others. Work well in 227 00:11:17.880 --> 00:11:20.280 a team and manage conflict. 228 00:11:20.280 --> 00:11:22.240 So taking a team 229 00:11:22.240 --> 00:11:22.960 with a lot of different 230 00:11:22.960 --> 00:11:24.440 personalities, a lot of different 231 00:11:24.720 --> 00:11:27.400 backgrounds, 232 00:11:27.400 --> 00:11:29.320 and to mold that team, be in 233 00:11:29.320 --> 00:11:31.200 relationship with that team, clearly 234 00:11:31.200 --> 00:11:32.800 communicate where you're going, what 235 00:11:32.800 --> 00:11:34.800 the vision for the team is, 236 00:11:34.800 --> 00:11:37.200 then realize that 237 00:11:37.200 --> 00:11:38.960 and this is true, the bigger the team 238 00:11:38.960 --> 00:11:40.400 gets, even becomes more true. 239 00:11:40.400 --> 00:11:42.600 But as a team gets larger, 240 00:11:42.600 --> 00:11:44.080 you're going to have some people that 241 00:11:44.080 --> 00:11:45.920 say they're on your 242 00:11:45.920 --> 00:11:46.920 team. 243 00:11:46.920 --> 00:11:48.800 They say they like your 244 00:11:48.800 --> 00:11:49.640 vision. 245 00:11:49.640 --> 00:11:51.600 They say we're 246 00:11:51.600 --> 00:11:53.040 going in the same direction. 247 00:11:53.120 --> 00:11:55.120 But continually you begin to pick 248 00:11:55.120 --> 00:11:56.880 up. That's really 249 00:11:56.880 --> 00:11:58.560 not true. They're only there because 250 00:11:58.560 --> 00:11:59.720 of the paycheck. 251 00:11:59.720 --> 00:12:01.720 They're only there because 252 00:12:01.720 --> 00:12:03.040 they couldn't find any other job. 253 00:12:03.040 --> 00:12:04.800 And so there's just not that 254 00:12:04.800 --> 00:12:05.600 passion. 255 00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:08.080 There's not that wholehearted 256 00:12:08.080 --> 00:12:09.640 commitment to what you're doing. 257 00:12:09.640 --> 00:12:11.320 And so you're going to have to come 258 00:12:11.320 --> 00:12:14.240 alongside and explain 259 00:12:14.240 --> 00:12:16.440 and then work through 260 00:12:16.440 --> 00:12:18.440 the conflict of whether this is 261 00:12:18.440 --> 00:12:20.240 a good fit for that person on your 262 00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:22.480 team. Well, that's all EQ. 263 00:12:22.480 --> 00:12:24.240 That's what I mean by relationship 264 00:12:24.240 --> 00:12:25.000 management. 265 00:12:25.000 --> 00:12:26.360 So it's not just leadership. 266 00:12:26.360 --> 00:12:28.120 It's also managing the 267 00:12:28.120 --> 00:12:29.560 relationship on the team. 268 00:12:29.560 --> 00:12:30.760 This same true in marriage. 269 00:12:30.760 --> 00:12:32.480 Every one of these are important in 270 00:12:32.480 --> 00:12:33.960 a marriage. So if you're married, 271 00:12:33.960 --> 00:12:36.000 you know that 272 00:12:36.000 --> 00:12:38.160 if one of you is not very high 273 00:12:38.160 --> 00:12:40.080 on the EQ factor 274 00:12:40.080 --> 00:12:41.560 that you're going to probably have a 275 00:12:41.560 --> 00:12:43.600 lot of struggles in your marriage. 276 00:12:43.600 --> 00:12:45.720 But if both of you are fairly 277 00:12:45.720 --> 00:12:47.280 good at it, man, you have so much 278 00:12:47.280 --> 00:12:49.160 better of a chance of having a 279 00:12:49.160 --> 00:12:51.120 happy, joyful kingdom of God 280 00:12:51.120 --> 00:12:51.960 type marriage. 281 00:12:51.960 --> 00:12:53.400 Hope that's helpful to you in the 282 00:12:53.400 --> 00:12:56.160 next episode. 283 00:12:56.160 --> 00:12:58.440 I want to talk about why 284 00:12:58.440 --> 00:13:00.240 EQ is so healthy. 285 00:13:00.240 --> 00:13:02.000 EQ is actually healthy for you. 286 00:13:02.000 --> 00:13:05.640 It's developing your EQ. 287 00:13:05.640 --> 00:13:07.520 I'm going to go out on a limb here, 288 00:13:07.520 --> 00:13:09.880 but I think developing your EQ 289 00:13:09.880 --> 00:13:11.960 is actually more important than just 290 00:13:11.960 --> 00:13:13.600 your IQ. IQ is important. 291 00:13:13.600 --> 00:13:15.000 Don't hear me say that. 292 00:13:15.000 --> 00:13:17.000 But there's there's not a lot 293 00:13:17.000 --> 00:13:18.680 you can do. You keep growing your IQ 294 00:13:18.680 --> 00:13:20.640 by reading and study for sure. 295 00:13:20.640 --> 00:13:22.600 But EQ is actually more important 296 00:13:22.600 --> 00:13:24.320 in my opinion. So I'll explain that 297 00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:25.320 in the next episode. 298 00:13:25.320 --> 00:13:25.800 Thank you.