WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.320 Right, so welcome to this week's PATH session. 2 00:00:04.320 --> 00:00:06.240 And it's gonna be a good one. 3 00:00:06.240 --> 00:00:08.880 And I feel like we are having it 4 00:00:08.880 --> 00:00:11.440 because so many of you have asked questions 5 00:00:11.440 --> 00:00:13.960 around the topic of sex. 6 00:00:13.960 --> 00:00:15.560 That's right, if you stumbled in here 7 00:00:15.560 --> 00:00:17.120 not knowing what tonight is about, 8 00:00:17.120 --> 00:00:19.860 we are gonna talk about sex, baby. 9 00:00:19.860 --> 00:00:21.480 And we're gonna talk about all things 10 00:00:21.480 --> 00:00:24.400 that have to do with sex and no holds barred, 11 00:00:24.400 --> 00:00:27.040 meaning that you can ask anything that you want. 12 00:00:27.040 --> 00:00:29.080 You can also comment anything that you want. 13 00:00:29.080 --> 00:00:31.120 We will not be offended, all right? 14 00:00:31.120 --> 00:00:35.120 So there will be no prudes here tonight. 15 00:00:35.120 --> 00:00:37.720 That being said, we definitely want to make sure 16 00:00:37.720 --> 00:00:40.600 that we're reframing sex, what it is, 17 00:00:40.600 --> 00:00:44.280 why we have it, where it came from, all the things. 18 00:00:44.280 --> 00:00:48.680 And then we'll talk about the porn culture that we live in. 19 00:00:48.680 --> 00:00:50.640 We live in a very pornographic culture. 20 00:00:50.640 --> 00:00:53.860 And so that is a counterfeit to the intimacy 21 00:00:53.860 --> 00:00:55.680 that God created for us. 22 00:00:55.680 --> 00:00:58.320 And we're gonna talk about how that has affected us 23 00:00:58.320 --> 00:01:01.000 personally, and then maybe get some healing 24 00:01:01.000 --> 00:01:01.880 for that tonight. 25 00:01:01.880 --> 00:01:03.120 I think there's gonna be some breakthrough 26 00:01:03.120 --> 00:01:06.120 for those of you that have been sexually abused 27 00:01:06.120 --> 00:01:10.080 and violated in childhood or in adulthood 28 00:01:10.080 --> 00:01:13.200 by relationships where people were unfaithful, 29 00:01:13.200 --> 00:01:16.100 by relationships where the person was being motivated 30 00:01:16.100 --> 00:01:20.700 by the things that they were seeing within pornography 31 00:01:20.700 --> 00:01:22.120 and all the different things. 32 00:01:22.120 --> 00:01:23.600 You guys, we live in a culture 33 00:01:24.520 --> 00:01:29.160 that is quickly deteriorating 34 00:01:29.160 --> 00:01:32.800 beyond anything recognizable in the area of sex. 35 00:01:34.040 --> 00:01:34.880 All right? 36 00:01:35.840 --> 00:01:40.080 Has anyone, does anyone know that the polyamorous thruple 37 00:01:40.080 --> 00:01:43.040 thing is on the rise right now? 38 00:01:43.040 --> 00:01:45.400 Does everyone know what a thruple is? 39 00:01:45.400 --> 00:01:49.720 It's like a couple, but T-H-R before it, right? 40 00:01:49.720 --> 00:01:50.920 Meaning three. 41 00:01:50.920 --> 00:01:55.680 So a thruple is a monogamous relationship, 42 00:01:55.680 --> 00:01:57.360 if you can use that word there, 43 00:01:57.360 --> 00:02:00.160 of three people instead of two people. 44 00:02:00.160 --> 00:02:02.960 Now I was raised to believe that two is company, 45 00:02:02.960 --> 00:02:04.760 three is a crowd, right? 46 00:02:04.760 --> 00:02:09.320 And so a thruple is a relationship between three people, 47 00:02:09.320 --> 00:02:14.240 sexual relationship, live-in sexual relationship, 48 00:02:14.240 --> 00:02:17.260 almost like a commitment between three people, 49 00:02:17.260 --> 00:02:20.120 also known as polyamorous. 50 00:02:20.120 --> 00:02:22.520 Now polyamorous can include more than three people. 51 00:02:22.520 --> 00:02:25.640 Polyamorous means that poly meaning many 52 00:02:25.640 --> 00:02:29.280 and amorous meaning, you know, love. 53 00:02:29.280 --> 00:02:32.000 The word love should not be used there, obviously, 54 00:02:32.000 --> 00:02:33.480 but meaning that you're gonna have 55 00:02:33.480 --> 00:02:35.520 sexual romantic relationships 56 00:02:35.520 --> 00:02:37.240 with more than one person at a time 57 00:02:37.240 --> 00:02:39.080 and everybody knows about it. 58 00:02:39.080 --> 00:02:41.520 It's not called cheating because everyone knows about it 59 00:02:41.520 --> 00:02:44.520 and everyone's okay with it, right? 60 00:02:45.440 --> 00:02:48.000 And then Renee, if you can kind of look at 61 00:02:48.040 --> 00:02:51.680 what, Renee will be my sidekick tonight. 62 00:02:51.680 --> 00:02:52.640 It'll be me and her 63 00:02:52.640 --> 00:02:55.900 and we got a lot to say about sex for sure, 64 00:02:55.900 --> 00:02:57.680 but she's going to, 65 00:02:57.680 --> 00:03:02.360 will you look up what we can look out for on dating apps? 66 00:03:02.360 --> 00:03:07.360 If people are into anything kinky, any kink, any fetishes, 67 00:03:08.200 --> 00:03:10.520 any code language for kink, fetishes, 68 00:03:10.520 --> 00:03:13.280 or polyamorous type of stuff, 69 00:03:13.280 --> 00:03:16.080 if you could quickly Google so we can make sure 70 00:03:16.080 --> 00:03:17.600 that we are able to tell people. 71 00:03:18.200 --> 00:03:19.040 So you can look out for this 72 00:03:19.040 --> 00:03:20.680 before you even talk to someone 73 00:03:20.680 --> 00:03:23.360 in case they're into something weird 74 00:03:23.360 --> 00:03:24.960 because they're not always just gonna be right 75 00:03:24.960 --> 00:03:27.560 from the get go, like, show me your feet. 76 00:03:27.560 --> 00:03:31.160 That does happen and if you're not aware of that, 77 00:03:31.160 --> 00:03:32.120 we'll tell you about that. 78 00:03:32.120 --> 00:03:33.920 So Father God, we thank you for your goodness. 79 00:03:33.920 --> 00:03:36.360 We thank you that you created us 80 00:03:36.360 --> 00:03:39.560 and you create us to have vibrant, intimate relationships, 81 00:03:39.560 --> 00:03:41.680 including sexual relationships 82 00:03:41.680 --> 00:03:43.760 and Holy Spirit, we are allowing you to lead 83 00:03:43.760 --> 00:03:45.560 and guide us tonight to the places 84 00:03:45.560 --> 00:03:47.640 of greatest breakthrough and healing, 85 00:03:47.640 --> 00:03:51.080 to the places where we can come back into alignment 86 00:03:51.080 --> 00:03:55.800 with the divine meaning of sex, 87 00:03:55.800 --> 00:04:00.160 what it's for, why you created it besides procreation 88 00:04:00.160 --> 00:04:03.080 and how we can enjoy it with no shame. 89 00:04:03.080 --> 00:04:05.280 In Jesus name, amen. 90 00:04:06.240 --> 00:04:08.440 So we can cover all the topics tonight, you guys. 91 00:04:08.440 --> 00:04:10.400 We can cover all the things that I just mentioned. 92 00:04:10.400 --> 00:04:12.180 We can also cover masturbation. 93 00:04:12.180 --> 00:04:13.720 That usually offends some people 94 00:04:14.360 --> 00:04:15.200 and some people quit the group 95 00:04:15.200 --> 00:04:16.440 after we talk about masturbation, 96 00:04:16.440 --> 00:04:18.000 but hey, I'm willing to go there 97 00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:19.920 if you're willing to go there 98 00:04:19.920 --> 00:04:21.839 and tell you what I think about that. 99 00:04:21.839 --> 00:04:26.840 And so, yeah, all the things, all the things. 100 00:04:27.240 --> 00:04:30.480 So let's kick off the night with kind of God's view of sex. 101 00:04:31.600 --> 00:04:35.160 I think that one of the main problems 102 00:04:35.160 --> 00:04:39.200 is that we have been raised, probably, 103 00:04:39.200 --> 00:04:42.120 you've been raised in an environment 104 00:04:42.160 --> 00:04:46.440 where sex is bad, bad, bad, bad until it's good, right? 105 00:04:46.440 --> 00:04:49.760 And I know that abstinence kind of celibacy environment 106 00:04:49.760 --> 00:04:52.720 that some of you were raised in in your families. 107 00:04:52.720 --> 00:04:54.240 Also, if you were raised in church, 108 00:04:54.240 --> 00:04:56.520 you got a double dose of this. 109 00:04:56.520 --> 00:04:58.320 The problem with that mindset 110 00:04:58.320 --> 00:05:00.120 is that you can't automatically. 111 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:02.680 turn the bad off of something just now 112 00:05:02.680 --> 00:05:06.120 because you're married, right? 113 00:05:06.120 --> 00:05:08.120 We can't look at sex through the lens of, 114 00:05:08.120 --> 00:05:10.400 oh, it's bad, it's shameful. 115 00:05:10.400 --> 00:05:12.660 It's, and then all of a sudden when you get married, 116 00:05:12.660 --> 00:05:14.880 it's great, it's wonderful. 117 00:05:14.880 --> 00:05:17.760 You know, we can't, that you can't turn that off. 118 00:05:17.760 --> 00:05:20.860 If you feel ashamed of your sexual desires, 119 00:05:20.860 --> 00:05:25.040 your sexual arousal, if you feel ashamed of that, 120 00:05:25.040 --> 00:05:27.860 then you're going to also feel ashamed of that 121 00:05:27.860 --> 00:05:30.540 within marriage or within some sort of monogamous, 122 00:05:30.540 --> 00:05:35.460 committed sexual relationship, which we call marriage, right? 123 00:05:35.460 --> 00:05:38.540 So let's reframe sex. 124 00:05:38.540 --> 00:05:42.380 Just right off the jump, right from Jump Street tonight, 125 00:05:42.380 --> 00:05:44.260 God created sex. 126 00:05:44.260 --> 00:05:47.180 Adam and Eve, had they not sinned in the garden, 127 00:05:47.180 --> 00:05:49.460 they were still going to have sex. 128 00:05:49.460 --> 00:05:52.060 Sex is not a byproduct of the curse. 129 00:05:52.060 --> 00:05:55.580 The shame that we feel about sex is a byproduct of the curse. 130 00:05:55.580 --> 00:05:56.460 Write that down. 131 00:05:57.980 --> 00:06:00.620 Sex is not a product of the curse. 132 00:06:01.580 --> 00:06:04.220 It isn't like, oh, you sinned and you fell. 133 00:06:04.220 --> 00:06:06.660 And so now, you know, you're damaged goods. 134 00:06:06.660 --> 00:06:09.740 So now Adam, you're going to stick your penis in her vagina 135 00:06:09.740 --> 00:06:12.100 because that's part of the curse. 136 00:06:12.100 --> 00:06:13.860 No, y'all, that's not part of the curse. 137 00:06:13.860 --> 00:06:15.020 That's a good thing. 138 00:06:15.020 --> 00:06:19.300 All right, so they were going to be having sex 139 00:06:20.700 --> 00:06:22.660 before the fall, before the curse, 140 00:06:22.660 --> 00:06:24.820 before the counterfeit identity came. 141 00:06:24.820 --> 00:06:29.620 But the shame in having sex, the shame in nakedness, 142 00:06:29.620 --> 00:06:34.620 the shame in intimacy came with the curse. 143 00:06:34.660 --> 00:06:36.380 That was a byproduct of the curse. 144 00:06:37.780 --> 00:06:40.340 And so chances are, depending on what generation you're from 145 00:06:40.340 --> 00:06:43.460 you have felt shame about your sexual desires, 146 00:06:43.460 --> 00:06:45.580 your arousals, even your body. 147 00:06:46.540 --> 00:06:49.180 Okay, God wants you to glow, G-L-O-W. 148 00:06:49.180 --> 00:06:53.620 God gave me this acronym years ago, G-L-O-W. 149 00:06:53.620 --> 00:06:56.500 God loves our womanhood. 150 00:06:58.140 --> 00:06:59.380 He loves our womanhood. 151 00:06:59.380 --> 00:07:00.220 What does that mean? 152 00:07:00.220 --> 00:07:03.540 That means that your body is not shameful. 153 00:07:06.420 --> 00:07:08.380 Your boobies, they're amazing. 154 00:07:09.300 --> 00:07:11.620 Those milk bags, whether or not a baby 155 00:07:11.620 --> 00:07:14.380 ever feeds off of them or not, they're incredible. 156 00:07:14.380 --> 00:07:16.300 The feminine form is incredible. 157 00:07:16.300 --> 00:07:18.260 Your vagina, incredible. 158 00:07:18.260 --> 00:07:20.900 If you've never seen it, go take a look at it. 159 00:07:20.900 --> 00:07:22.020 It's incredible. 160 00:07:23.020 --> 00:07:25.100 Learn to love it, okay? 161 00:07:26.220 --> 00:07:28.980 Seriously, your hips and your curves 162 00:07:28.980 --> 00:07:33.980 and your extra 20% fat storage, it's incredible. 163 00:07:33.980 --> 00:07:36.460 Everything about you, regardless of what your shape 164 00:07:36.460 --> 00:07:41.460 or size is as a woman, your female body is beautiful. 165 00:07:41.940 --> 00:07:43.020 It's beautiful. 166 00:07:43.020 --> 00:07:46.460 And I know that we live in a culture 167 00:07:46.460 --> 00:07:48.980 that either tries to weaponize female bodies 168 00:07:49.060 --> 00:07:53.660 for the purpose of seduction and deception and manipulation 169 00:07:53.660 --> 00:07:56.260 or it tries to get us to hide our bodies 170 00:07:56.260 --> 00:07:58.180 because we should be ashamed of them. 171 00:07:59.060 --> 00:08:01.460 Do you guys know that just a few, 172 00:08:01.460 --> 00:08:06.460 a few hundred plus years ago, not that long ago, 173 00:08:06.980 --> 00:08:09.260 women were not allowed to come in public 174 00:08:09.260 --> 00:08:10.780 when they were pregnant. 175 00:08:12.140 --> 00:08:14.100 They weren't allowed to be seen in public. 176 00:08:14.100 --> 00:08:17.980 Your due date used to be called your time of confinement. 177 00:08:19.980 --> 00:08:22.460 Is that not crazy town? 178 00:08:23.700 --> 00:08:28.100 It was considered indecent and immodest 179 00:08:28.100 --> 00:08:32.179 for a woman to be seen in public impregnated. 180 00:08:33.299 --> 00:08:34.140 Why? 181 00:08:34.140 --> 00:08:37.780 Because that suggested that, oh, you've had sex. 182 00:08:42.020 --> 00:08:43.740 You guys, that's a mess. 183 00:08:45.700 --> 00:08:48.780 Back in those days, women wore clothes under their clothes 184 00:08:49.580 --> 00:08:51.540 and then they wore more clothes under those clothes. 185 00:08:51.540 --> 00:08:53.380 Have you ever seen these women trying to take off 186 00:08:53.380 --> 00:08:55.900 all their many, many layers of clothes 187 00:08:55.900 --> 00:08:57.900 in these period dramas that we watch? 188 00:08:57.900 --> 00:09:00.780 I'm like, dude, I don't know how you wore all those clothes, 189 00:09:00.780 --> 00:09:02.180 but that's a lot of clothes. 190 00:09:04.540 --> 00:09:06.340 I mean, the underwear that they wore 191 00:09:06.340 --> 00:09:09.260 were like full suits of clothes. 192 00:09:09.260 --> 00:09:10.900 I'm like, what are we doing here? 193 00:09:12.340 --> 00:09:16.020 And now our underwear look like slingshots. 194 00:09:16.020 --> 00:09:18.660 They're really tiny maybe, or maybe you're like me. 195 00:09:19.540 --> 00:09:21.100 You like the full coverage underwear. 196 00:09:21.100 --> 00:09:22.780 Cause like, what's the point? 197 00:09:23.820 --> 00:09:25.660 I don't want to feel like I have a perma wedgie, 198 00:09:25.660 --> 00:09:29.020 but if you like that, then you go for it. 199 00:09:30.700 --> 00:09:32.500 But there's nothing sexy to me about feeling 200 00:09:32.500 --> 00:09:35.100 like I have something stuck up my butt all day long. 201 00:09:36.100 --> 00:09:37.180 That's not sexy to me. 202 00:09:37.180 --> 00:09:38.740 I don't like it. 203 00:09:38.740 --> 00:09:39.580 Okay. 204 00:09:39.580 --> 00:09:41.100 In fact, I really love the seamless underwear. 205 00:09:41.100 --> 00:09:43.660 The ones that you can't see at all under clothes 206 00:09:43.660 --> 00:09:45.260 because they have no seams. 207 00:09:45.260 --> 00:09:46.500 So comfortable. 208 00:09:46.500 --> 00:09:47.580 Love that. 209 00:09:47.620 --> 00:09:48.460 Okay. 210 00:09:48.460 --> 00:09:49.580 So all of these different things 211 00:09:49.580 --> 00:09:50.620 that have been put on women, 212 00:09:50.620 --> 00:09:51.700 they haven't been put on men. 213 00:09:51.700 --> 00:09:53.740 I want you to recognize that. 214 00:09:53.740 --> 00:09:55.900 All of this has been put on us. 215 00:09:55.900 --> 00:09:59.580 We are like the keepers of the 216 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:03.320 of the values and the morals of men. 217 00:10:03.320 --> 00:10:05.800 We're supposed to be keepers of the values 218 00:10:05.800 --> 00:10:08.580 and morals of men when it comes to sex. 219 00:10:08.580 --> 00:10:11.240 I'm gonna just call bullshit on that. 220 00:10:11.240 --> 00:10:16.240 God never intended for women to have the burden 221 00:10:16.480 --> 00:10:19.440 of keeping men moral. 222 00:10:20.680 --> 00:10:21.520 That's on them. 223 00:10:24.080 --> 00:10:26.820 But in juxtaposition of that, 224 00:10:26.820 --> 00:10:29.120 I believe modesty is a condition of the heart. 225 00:10:30.760 --> 00:10:35.760 If you purposely dress or act in a way in order to seduce, 226 00:10:37.320 --> 00:10:39.400 and that is the intention of your heart 227 00:10:39.400 --> 00:10:41.520 in doing whatever it is that you're doing, 228 00:10:41.520 --> 00:10:43.340 then that's immodest. 229 00:10:44.220 --> 00:10:47.300 It's an immodest thing for women to, 230 00:10:47.300 --> 00:10:48.480 it's not a feminine thing. 231 00:10:48.480 --> 00:10:51.520 It's a dark feminine thing for women to dress in a way 232 00:10:51.520 --> 00:10:56.520 to purposely use their body to try to capture a man 233 00:11:00.160 --> 00:11:03.180 based on his lust. 234 00:11:03.180 --> 00:11:05.640 If you're setting a trap for a man's lust, 235 00:11:05.640 --> 00:11:08.880 then you're going to catch a lustful man. 236 00:11:14.320 --> 00:11:15.360 Does that make sense? 237 00:11:17.040 --> 00:11:18.720 Whatever you bait the hook with, babe, 238 00:11:18.720 --> 00:11:21.080 that's what you're gonna continue to have to provide 239 00:11:21.080 --> 00:11:23.440 for that man because that's what caught him. 240 00:11:23.440 --> 00:11:24.800 That's what caught his eye. 241 00:11:27.160 --> 00:11:29.000 That's what he was interested in, 242 00:11:29.000 --> 00:11:30.760 what he was interested in you. 243 00:11:30.760 --> 00:11:33.640 He was interested in your sexuality. 244 00:11:33.640 --> 00:11:36.240 He was interested, he had lusted after you. 245 00:11:36.240 --> 00:11:37.800 He wasn't infatuated with you. 246 00:11:37.800 --> 00:11:39.120 He wasn't intrigued by you. 247 00:11:39.120 --> 00:11:40.940 He was in lust for you. 248 00:11:44.800 --> 00:11:45.760 We don't want that. 249 00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:50.080 Now, does that mean that we have to dress from here 250 00:11:50.080 --> 00:11:51.280 all the way down to here? 251 00:11:51.280 --> 00:11:52.120 No. 252 00:11:53.320 --> 00:11:55.040 You guys, it's already Hell's Front Porch 253 00:11:55.040 --> 00:11:56.360 here in Austin, Texas. 254 00:11:56.360 --> 00:11:59.840 It's like 88 degrees here, full humidity already. 255 00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:01.520 I'm not going to be walking around, 256 00:12:01.520 --> 00:12:02.360 I know I'm married, 257 00:12:02.360 --> 00:12:04.320 but I'm still not going to be walking around 258 00:12:04.320 --> 00:12:05.680 covered from head to toe. 259 00:12:06.840 --> 00:12:08.040 But when I get dressed, 260 00:12:08.040 --> 00:12:10.020 it doesn't even cross my mind at all. 261 00:12:11.000 --> 00:12:13.800 Hey, who's going to think I'm sexy today? 262 00:12:18.440 --> 00:12:20.000 In fact, I dress in a different way. 263 00:12:20.000 --> 00:12:22.520 I dress in, who's going to see my cellulite today? 264 00:12:22.520 --> 00:12:23.360 I don't know. 265 00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:25.400 I don't want to show that. 266 00:12:25.480 --> 00:12:27.160 I don't want to show my cellulite today. 267 00:12:27.160 --> 00:12:28.880 I'm going to cover that. 268 00:12:28.880 --> 00:12:29.720 All right? 269 00:12:29.720 --> 00:12:31.240 Okay. 270 00:12:31.240 --> 00:12:33.080 Who's going to see my boob stretch marks today? 271 00:12:33.080 --> 00:12:34.080 I'm not sure. 272 00:12:34.080 --> 00:12:35.560 I'm going to make sure that they're not showing. 273 00:12:35.560 --> 00:12:37.480 I'm going to make sure that my top comes a little higher, 274 00:12:37.480 --> 00:12:38.840 even though tonight, y'all, 275 00:12:38.840 --> 00:12:41.600 I got a little low cut shirt on here. 276 00:12:41.600 --> 00:12:42.440 Okay. 277 00:12:42.440 --> 00:12:46.120 So God created us for sex. 278 00:12:46.120 --> 00:12:47.040 Okay? 279 00:12:47.040 --> 00:12:48.120 We've been created for sex. 280 00:12:48.120 --> 00:12:49.760 That's why you have the parts that you have. 281 00:12:49.760 --> 00:12:51.360 You've been created to enjoy sex. 282 00:12:51.360 --> 00:12:53.280 That's why you have the nerve endings that you have, 283 00:12:53.280 --> 00:12:54.880 where you have them. 284 00:12:55.640 --> 00:12:57.560 The little stimulators, 285 00:12:57.560 --> 00:13:01.000 that's why you have them there because that's built in. 286 00:13:01.000 --> 00:13:02.840 It's a gift from God. 287 00:13:02.840 --> 00:13:04.360 But like every gift from God, 288 00:13:04.360 --> 00:13:07.000 if you don't use it within the right context 289 00:13:07.000 --> 00:13:10.280 of which has been given to you to use, 290 00:13:10.280 --> 00:13:12.720 then that gift becomes overextended 291 00:13:12.720 --> 00:13:15.320 and it becomes a weakness. 292 00:13:15.320 --> 00:13:18.240 It becomes something that hurts us and causes pain. 293 00:13:18.240 --> 00:13:19.080 Right? 294 00:13:19.080 --> 00:13:21.160 And that's why God took this beautiful gift of sex 295 00:13:21.160 --> 00:13:24.040 and he hid it within covenant. 296 00:13:24.880 --> 00:13:27.560 Not contracts, covenants. 297 00:13:27.560 --> 00:13:29.720 Covenant, covenant. 298 00:13:29.720 --> 00:13:30.600 That's why he put it there 299 00:13:30.600 --> 00:13:32.240 because that's the safe place for it to be 300 00:13:32.240 --> 00:13:33.440 because he knows, 301 00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:36.520 and I want you to know tonight that sex is not common. 302 00:13:37.680 --> 00:13:38.560 It's holy. 303 00:13:39.800 --> 00:13:40.640 It's holy. 304 00:13:40.640 --> 00:13:42.360 And we're going to teach you about holy sex tonight 305 00:13:42.360 --> 00:13:43.720 because a lot of you have never had that. 306 00:13:43.720 --> 00:13:45.160 You've never experienced it. 307 00:13:45.160 --> 00:13:46.480 And we want to talk about it. 308 00:13:46.480 --> 00:13:47.320 All right? 309 00:13:47.320 --> 00:13:48.600 Sex is meant to be holy. 310 00:13:48.600 --> 00:13:51.280 It's meant to be into me see. 311 00:13:51.280 --> 00:13:53.640 It's meant to be the two become one. 312 00:13:53.720 --> 00:13:56.280 It's supposed to be something that connects. 313 00:13:56.280 --> 00:13:57.760 It doesn't disconnect. 314 00:13:58.760 --> 00:14:01.200 It connects and it brings deeper and deeper 315 00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:04.480 and deeper levels of connection when you use it correctly 316 00:14:04.480 --> 00:14:06.760 and with the right person within covenant. 317 00:14:06.760 --> 00:14:08.160 That is what it does. 318 00:14:08.160 --> 00:14:11.360 But we're kind of sexually the sum total 319 00:14:11.360 --> 00:14:12.680 of everything we've experienced. 320 00:14:12.680 --> 00:14:14.840 And so even if we do get married to someone amazing, 321 00:14:14.840 --> 00:14:16.480 we're going to be bringing all that garbage 322 00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:18.400 into the sex, aren't we? 323 00:14:19.400 --> 00:14:21.680 All the abuse, all the movies, 324 00:14:21.680 --> 00:14:23.320 all the porn that we've seen. 325 00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:26.600 Because men aren't the only ones that watch porn. 326 00:14:26.600 --> 00:14:29.320 In fact, if we really want to get free tonight 327 00:14:29.320 --> 00:14:30.960 and you guys really want to go there, 328 00:14:30.960 --> 00:14:33.000 then I'm going to ask you in this closed session 329 00:14:33.000 --> 00:14:35.600 to be honest and transparent and raise your hand 330 00:14:35.600 --> 00:14:37.200 if you've seen porn. 331 00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:38.480 My hand's up, by the way. 332 00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:40.520 My hand is up. 333 00:14:40.520 --> 00:14:44.480 I have seen not lots and lots of porn, 334 00:14:44.480 --> 00:14:46.880 but I didn't meet Jesus until I was in my twenties. 335 00:14:46.880 --> 00:14:49.240 So I definitely have seen porn. 336 00:14:49.240 --> 00:14:52.680 The porn in the nineties was not like the porn now though, 337 00:14:52.680 --> 00:14:55.640 but I definitely have seen it. 338 00:14:55.640 --> 00:14:57.000 Look at all those hands. 339 00:14:57.000 --> 00:14:58.200 Lots of people. 340 00:14:58.200 --> 00:14:59.720 Lots of people have seen porn. 341 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.000 Okay. 342 00:15:03.000 --> 00:15:13.000 And we're not going to ask who's been addicted to porn, but I'm sure that some of the people that have had their hands up are people that watched porn, not just once or twice but habitually. 343 00:15:13.000 --> 00:15:18.000 Okay, got to put your hands down. So porn is not just a man thing. 344 00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:20.000 It's a human thing. 345 00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:32.000 Most people have been caught up in its snare for sure. And you guys porn is diabolical, because it takes this thing that is really really holy, and it doesn't just make it common. 346 00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:36.000 Right. It makes it shameful and it makes it offensive. 347 00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:43.000 Almost every scenario that happens within pornography is degrading to women. 348 00:15:43.000 --> 00:15:58.000 And we have this whole generation of young people watching porn, especially young men, and they're seeing the excitement and the arousal on these women's faces in these movies, and they're thinking, this is what women like. 349 00:15:58.000 --> 00:16:01.000 This is what women want. Right. 350 00:16:01.000 --> 00:16:20.000 I've had lots of girls come to me, younger girls, Gen Z, and say, hey, you know, I had a sexual experience that was really degrading to me, you know, this boy did XYZ to me and immediately when they told me the story, I was like, wow, they learned that through watching porn. 351 00:16:21.000 --> 00:16:29.000 That doesn't come naturally. It doesn't come organic for a boy to think, oh, I'm going to ejaculate all over this girl's face. 352 00:16:34.000 --> 00:16:43.000 That's what's happening out here, y'all. And worse. Okay. And so we're going to go there. Like I said, no prude talk tonight. 353 00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:51.000 A lot of you didn't have mothers or women in your life that took you aside and even told you about your period, let alone about your vagina. 354 00:16:51.000 --> 00:16:59.000 Okay. Let alone about sex, because it was considered immodest to have those conversations. Do you guys know, I was born in the seventies. 355 00:17:00.000 --> 00:17:19.000 Did you know that it was, it was considered immodest in the fifties? Okay. When my mom was a child to breastfeed your babies all the way into the seventies, it was considered immodest to breastfeed, even in the privacy of your own home. 356 00:17:19.000 --> 00:17:26.000 You didn't breastfeed your baby. That's where formula came in. And you guys, you got to know that was the formula people that did this. 357 00:17:27.000 --> 00:17:37.000 Had to have been. My mother-in-law was 26 years old when my husband was born. My husband is now 52 years old and she didn't breastfeed him because she said, nobody did that. 358 00:17:37.000 --> 00:17:45.000 She said it was considered crass, immodest, low brow, poor form to breastfeed your children. 359 00:17:46.000 --> 00:18:01.000 So you see all the weaponization of women and it's almost every family, somewhere in your family lines, dirty little secret of incest. Incest runs in all families, not just some families, write that down. 360 00:18:01.000 --> 00:18:11.000 Incest runs in all families, not just some families. And just because it didn't happen to your generation doesn't mean it didn't happen generations before you. 361 00:18:12.000 --> 00:18:19.000 And it's up to us to make sure that it doesn't happen in generations after us, right? By cutting that stuff off. 362 00:18:19.000 --> 00:18:36.000 Raise your hand if you've had some sort of sexual contact with a family member, whether adult or a child, a cousin, a brother or sister, mom, dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, someone who is related to you, whether they were your age or not. 363 00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:46.000 You might've been kids, kissing cousins, all the things. Raise your hand if you've had some sort of sexual contact with someone who is in your family. 364 00:18:46.000 --> 00:18:54.000 Look at all those hands y'all. That's a lot of hands. All right. Lots and lots and lots of hands. Okay. Put all those hands down. 365 00:18:54.000 --> 00:19:15.000 Now I want you to raise your hand and you could, you might double raise your hand because it's still true. It was a family member, but I want you to raise your hand if you have been sexually violated, molested, abused, raped, something has happened to you sexually that was not right. 366 00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:32.000 And it could have even been by someone you were married to. There's such a thing called spousal rape, y'all. That's a real thing. Date rape, all the things. All right. Look at all those hands. That's a lot of hands. Right? 367 00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:48.000 And for those of you that don't have your hand up because it's not true, you're not just scared to raise your hands. You don't have it up because nothing like that has ever happened to you. Bless you. So thrilled for you that that's never happened to you. Now put your hands down. 368 00:19:52.000 --> 00:20:00.000 What we're trying to do is we're trying to set a foundation of where we're coming from sexually as a group of women. Okay. Now I want you to raise your hand. 369 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.720 You know, once again, you could still have been someone 370 00:20:03.720 --> 00:20:05.160 who was sexually violated, 371 00:20:05.160 --> 00:20:06.680 but this is for all the people too 372 00:20:06.680 --> 00:20:08.520 that didn't raise their hand for that. 373 00:20:08.520 --> 00:20:11.720 Raise your hand if someone that you love, 374 00:20:11.720 --> 00:20:14.860 a woman in your life, or even a man in your life, 375 00:20:14.860 --> 00:20:16.560 they were sexually violated 376 00:20:16.560 --> 00:20:19.740 and their sexual violation affected you. 377 00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:23.120 Okay, it affected you. 378 00:20:23.120 --> 00:20:24.920 Maybe it was your sister, maybe it was your mom, 379 00:20:24.920 --> 00:20:26.200 and the way that she raised you 380 00:20:26.200 --> 00:20:28.080 was always stranger danger everywhere 381 00:20:28.080 --> 00:20:29.560 because she had been sexually abused 382 00:20:29.600 --> 00:20:31.360 or maybe it was your dad 383 00:20:31.360 --> 00:20:34.640 and he wasn't able to be emotionally available 384 00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:35.480 because of that. 385 00:20:35.480 --> 00:20:39.080 Just raise your hand if someone else that you love, 386 00:20:39.080 --> 00:20:43.480 you know, their story of sexual abuse or violation 387 00:20:43.480 --> 00:20:45.120 affected your life too. 388 00:20:45.120 --> 00:20:47.520 So once again, lots and lots and lots of hands. 389 00:20:47.520 --> 00:20:50.600 All right, go ahead and put your hands down. 390 00:20:50.600 --> 00:20:53.480 So you guys see lots of us, most of us, 391 00:20:53.480 --> 00:20:56.900 we have a bad history with the thing called sex. 392 00:20:57.740 --> 00:21:02.620 We do, we have a bad history with it, you know? 393 00:21:02.620 --> 00:21:05.140 And so we have to reframe it. 394 00:21:05.140 --> 00:21:06.500 God wants us to reframe it 395 00:21:06.500 --> 00:21:11.500 because he wants us to have vibrant, intimate lives. 396 00:21:11.820 --> 00:21:12.900 He does. 397 00:21:12.900 --> 00:21:14.780 He wants us to have those things. 398 00:21:14.780 --> 00:21:17.340 And so it's important that we begin to unpack 399 00:21:17.340 --> 00:21:19.500 the things that we believe that are lies 400 00:21:19.500 --> 00:21:22.580 and replace them with truth, just like heart work. 401 00:21:22.580 --> 00:21:25.060 We got to unpack the things that we believe that are lies 402 00:21:25.060 --> 00:21:27.500 and we want to replace them with truth, right? 403 00:21:27.500 --> 00:21:29.300 So we can start anywhere here. 404 00:21:30.740 --> 00:21:33.040 I'm glad that, you know, all of you, 405 00:21:33.040 --> 00:21:35.820 I want to encourage you guys to continue to open up tonight 406 00:21:35.820 --> 00:21:37.180 because I feel like, I really feel in my heart, 407 00:21:37.180 --> 00:21:39.020 like there's going to be some healing. 408 00:21:39.020 --> 00:21:41.260 It's going to be some soul ties that get broken, 409 00:21:41.260 --> 00:21:43.900 soul ties that are, you're tethering you to abusive 410 00:21:43.900 --> 00:21:48.340 or memories that are going to get broken as we go forward. 411 00:21:48.340 --> 00:21:49.940 So once again, sex is not common. 412 00:21:49.940 --> 00:21:50.780 It is holy. 413 00:21:50.780 --> 00:21:51.620 It's not casual. 414 00:21:51.620 --> 00:21:54.340 You guys don't believe a lot that sex is casual. 415 00:21:54.340 --> 00:21:57.420 First of all, the sheer nature of intercourse 416 00:21:57.420 --> 00:21:59.780 should tell you that it's not casual. 417 00:21:59.780 --> 00:22:03.100 The exchange of body fluids that happens, 418 00:22:03.100 --> 00:22:05.700 there's nothing casual about sex. 419 00:22:05.700 --> 00:22:08.460 Casual and sex should never be in the same sentence. 420 00:22:08.460 --> 00:22:09.300 Agreed? 421 00:22:11.060 --> 00:22:12.300 There are women here tonight, 422 00:22:12.300 --> 00:22:13.700 we're not going to ask you to raise your hands. 423 00:22:13.700 --> 00:22:17.180 You are currently having sex and we're not here to shame you, 424 00:22:17.180 --> 00:22:19.980 but we are here to show you how important it is 425 00:22:19.980 --> 00:22:22.700 to make sure that the person that you are sharing 426 00:22:22.700 --> 00:22:26.860 your body with and not just your body, but your soul with, 427 00:22:26.860 --> 00:22:28.940 because sex doesn't just affect your body. 428 00:22:28.940 --> 00:22:31.180 You don't just have sex with your body. 429 00:22:31.180 --> 00:22:35.860 The Bible says that when you have sex, what happens? 430 00:22:39.260 --> 00:22:41.620 There's a soul tie, right? 431 00:22:41.620 --> 00:22:44.500 Means it's not just your body that is experiencing 432 00:22:44.500 --> 00:22:48.420 that sexual experience, your soul is too. 433 00:22:49.460 --> 00:22:52.100 And so you can't just have sex with someone 434 00:22:52.500 --> 00:22:55.300 without actually attaching to them. 435 00:22:55.300 --> 00:22:56.740 And so that's why it's important 436 00:22:56.740 --> 00:22:58.500 that you are not having sex with someone 437 00:22:58.500 --> 00:23:00.620 who is not worthy of your attachment, 438 00:23:02.020 --> 00:23:07.020 who's not serious about commitment to you 439 00:23:07.060 --> 00:23:09.220 and covenant with you, right? 440 00:23:09.220 --> 00:23:11.300 And I know that we think as women a lot of times 441 00:23:11.300 --> 00:23:13.260 that we have to exchange our bodies 442 00:23:14.180 --> 00:23:16.580 to receive security from men. 443 00:23:16.580 --> 00:23:18.780 If we want security from a man, 444 00:23:18.780 --> 00:23:21.660 if we want a man to want us and be with us, 445 00:23:22.220 --> 00:23:25.460 then what we have to pay the rent with is our body. 446 00:23:25.460 --> 00:23:26.420 That's not true. 447 00:23:28.060 --> 00:23:29.900 It's not true. 448 00:23:29.900 --> 00:23:31.460 And some of you, raise your hand 449 00:23:32.340 --> 00:23:34.540 if you've ever been told by a man, 450 00:23:34.540 --> 00:23:37.140 whether it was in person on a date or on a dating app 451 00:23:37.140 --> 00:23:38.620 or even in relationship, 452 00:23:38.620 --> 00:23:40.460 because you were trying to hold fast 453 00:23:40.460 --> 00:23:42.740 to abstinence until covenant 454 00:23:42.740 --> 00:23:44.540 and they told you good luck with that. 455 00:23:44.540 --> 00:23:46.820 Nobody is going to wait. 456 00:23:46.820 --> 00:23:48.580 No man is going to wait for that. 457 00:23:49.620 --> 00:23:51.020 Look at all those hands. 458 00:23:51.860 --> 00:23:54.940 Well, if that just isn't the liar, 459 00:23:54.940 --> 00:23:58.220 if that's not just the enemy working through that man 460 00:23:58.220 --> 00:24:02.780 trying to get you to attach to something that's unworthy 461 00:24:02.780 --> 00:24:04.420 of you, look at all those hands. 462 00:24:06.740 --> 00:24:07.780 That's a lame lie. 463 00:24:09.700 --> 00:24:11.180 That's a lame lie. 464 00:24:11.180 --> 00:24:12.460 My husband waited. 465 00:24:12.460 --> 00:24:14.900 We didn't have intercourse until we were married. 466 00:24:17.140 --> 00:24:20.220 And we could have a lot because we're next door neighbors. 467 00:24:20.220 --> 00:24:22.700 There's lots of opportunities for sex. 468 00:24:24.220 --> 00:24:25.780 All right, put your hands down. 469 00:24:26.820 --> 00:24:29.820 All right, so we're going to start talking about 470 00:24:29.820 --> 00:24:31.660 all different things that have to do with sex. 471 00:24:31.660 --> 00:24:34.100 I want to get your input now. 472 00:24:34.100 --> 00:24:35.700 We're about 24 minutes in. 473 00:24:35.700 --> 00:24:37.420 Renee, I want to get your input now as well 474 00:24:37.420 --> 00:24:38.940 because Renee and I met earlier. 475 00:24:38.940 --> 00:24:42.140 We wrote down some things we wanted to cover tonight. 476 00:24:42.140 --> 00:24:44.380 We also want you guys to be able to ask questions. 477 00:24:44.380 --> 00:24:45.620 So Renee, what do we got? 478 00:24:46.620 --> 00:24:50.380 Do you want me to put up the terms that I grabbed for you? 479 00:24:50.380 --> 00:24:51.980 Oh, sure, do that too. 480 00:24:51.980 --> 00:24:53.940 Yeah, yeah, okay. 481 00:24:53.940 --> 00:24:56.620 I'm going to cut and paste this long little thing. 482 00:24:56.620 --> 00:24:59.740 So we're going to get some terms in here. 483 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.240 here that I even I did not know some of these here we go it's saying it's too long I mean 484 00:25:06.240 --> 00:25:12.480 I got to do a little bit at a time okay all right so while she's doing that let's talk about 485 00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:20.720 um so here's the first few we've got yep we've got so try not to comment while I'm running through 486 00:25:20.720 --> 00:25:29.520 it ggg means good giving and game so you definitely don't want somebody that puts the ggg up um 487 00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:38.800 and it obviously it's a term of hookups e and m ethical non-monogamy or ethical non-monogamous 488 00:25:39.520 --> 00:25:45.680 that's awesome yeah and yeah there you go that polyamorous stuff that's that yeah we're getting 489 00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:53.520 there and uh then we've got these two right here um obviously uh you've got the friends with 490 00:25:53.520 --> 00:26:00.560 benefits ddf is a similar concept drugs and disease free oh I'm so glad they don't have any 491 00:26:02.400 --> 00:26:06.320 aren't we so glad the person who wants to hook up with you doesn't have a disease 492 00:26:07.040 --> 00:26:17.280 um oh my gosh this is so sad and so fun okay then we've got um sdsb relationship sugar daddy 493 00:26:17.280 --> 00:26:27.120 sugar baby awesome mba married but available so we need to pay attention to that ladies um nsa 494 00:26:27.120 --> 00:26:37.040 no strings attached one oh ns one night stand you can take a screenshot of this and I do like 495 00:26:37.040 --> 00:26:42.880 to because people get confused by the polyamorous one in there so we've got the um we've got 496 00:26:42.880 --> 00:26:48.240 benching which is situation bread crumbing and cuffing season I love this one the cuffing season 497 00:26:48.240 --> 00:26:52.400 it's just a short-term relationship so that they might want all the cuddles and the snug 498 00:26:52.400 --> 00:26:58.080 the snuggles just only for a short amount of time Jackie talked about um being polyamorous which is 499 00:26:58.080 --> 00:27:06.240 not to be confused with seo sap uh sapiosexual which I do see actually a lot and it's just I 500 00:27:06.240 --> 00:27:11.120 call it brain sex it's just like people that are intellectually stimulated which is me yeah 501 00:27:11.760 --> 00:27:16.480 sexual is good y'all sapiosexuals are people that they want more than just the outside they 502 00:27:16.480 --> 00:27:21.840 want conversational chemistry they want someone who ignites their it inspires them 503 00:27:25.120 --> 00:27:30.320 I use that term in making I use that term in matchmaking a lot sapiosexual I do too so one 504 00:27:30.320 --> 00:27:34.160 of the things um before you guys start putting all your questions in that you know I was sharing 505 00:27:34.160 --> 00:27:41.440 with Jackie that was really helpful for me as I am in my level three relationship you know I would 506 00:27:41.440 --> 00:27:48.880 say except for the most recent person in my past um I was not successful about not having sex before 507 00:27:48.880 --> 00:27:55.120 marriage you know I was in ministry like I was really good at compartmentalizing both of those 508 00:27:55.120 --> 00:28:02.000 lives and neither was Rick and so we're like yeah we're not gonna have sex but then we've like you 509 00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:07.280 know then it's been like okay well how far is too far before it's sex and like I kind of joked 510 00:28:07.280 --> 00:28:11.680 around that I wasn't going to build Clinton my way through this like you know I wanted to kind of 511 00:28:11.680 --> 00:28:20.400 define I did not have sex with that woman you know what that meant and you know what did not work is 512 00:28:20.400 --> 00:28:26.880 me getting super clinical and scriptural with him and with the help of my male therapist you know I 513 00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:32.960 talked about what it meant to guard my heart and what it meant to treat me with integrity and honor 514 00:28:32.960 --> 00:28:39.440 and I talked about how I said you know when if I do certain sexual activity I know it's going to 515 00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:44.480 happen it's going to start to separate me from God because I will feel shame and guilt it's actually 516 00:28:44.480 --> 00:28:48.720 going to separate me from you because I'll feel that and I'm actually going to start to resent 517 00:28:48.720 --> 00:28:53.680 you because I'm now feeling shame and guilt with God that I didn't feel for a long time 518 00:28:53.680 --> 00:28:58.800 and so that's actually going to create a disconnection versus a connection and when I 519 00:28:58.800 --> 00:29:03.440 stopped quoting scripture and just talked about my heart and separating from that and separating 520 00:29:03.440 --> 00:29:09.520 from God that spoke to him in a completely different way and that's been like I don't know 521 00:29:09.520 --> 00:29:15.440 five weeks since we had that conversation and he's completely changed um the way he approaches 522 00:29:15.440 --> 00:29:21.760 that with me and so I feel so much safer um and I know that he's guarding that so ladies don't just 523 00:29:21.760 --> 00:29:27.200 try to do the scripture like oh my gosh you can't have sex because it's bad and it's sin like talk 524 00:29:27.200 --> 00:29:32.160 to them about your heart and and what you're afraid of and how because if they really want 525 00:29:32.160 --> 00:29:37.120 to guard your heart and they really want to hold you in integrity they might be more moved to 526 00:29:37.120 --> 00:29:43.440 support you in that um and then the other thing I just wanted to say is we need to have our actions 527 00:29:43.440 --> 00:29:48.480 match our words if we don't want to have sex before marriage we have to really be sure 528 00:29:49.280 --> 00:29:53.520 that you know the joke you know we don't want to be giving them blue balls all the time like we 529 00:29:53.520 --> 00:29:58.480 have to be careful with how much we're like making out with them sitting on top of them like you know 530 00:29:59.280 --> 00:29:59.840 and then we're like 531 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.160 Oh, but he went after me, really. 532 00:30:02.160 --> 00:30:04.680 So we have to be careful how much we're leading 533 00:30:04.680 --> 00:30:05.960 into that process. 534 00:30:05.960 --> 00:30:08.400 So I wanted to just jump in and say that. 535 00:30:08.400 --> 00:30:09.240 I will pass it on. 536 00:30:09.240 --> 00:30:10.080 No, it's all good. 537 00:30:10.080 --> 00:30:13.760 And listen, Renee is in a level three relationship 538 00:30:13.760 --> 00:30:14.760 with this man. 539 00:30:14.760 --> 00:30:18.320 It's a marriage-minded courtship relationship. 540 00:30:18.320 --> 00:30:23.320 I do not advise talking about sex with someone 541 00:30:23.640 --> 00:30:26.880 that you are not at that level of relationship with. 542 00:30:26.880 --> 00:30:29.800 The only thing that will escalate the sex talk 543 00:30:29.800 --> 00:30:32.120 is if someone's trying to have sex with you, all right? 544 00:30:32.120 --> 00:30:34.120 You're a level two, you're just getting to know them 545 00:30:34.120 --> 00:30:36.640 and they're constantly trying to kiss you 546 00:30:36.640 --> 00:30:38.400 or put their hands on you. 547 00:30:38.400 --> 00:30:39.680 That's when you have to be like, 548 00:30:39.680 --> 00:30:43.960 hey, look, I'm saving this for that. 549 00:30:43.960 --> 00:30:45.760 But if they're being a gentleman 550 00:30:45.760 --> 00:30:47.480 and they're not trying to do any of that stuff, 551 00:30:47.480 --> 00:30:50.760 then you don't have to have that talk until level three. 552 00:30:50.760 --> 00:30:52.760 And I really, or late level two, 553 00:30:52.760 --> 00:30:54.840 when it's looking like it's getting serious. 554 00:30:54.840 --> 00:30:57.120 Because once you start talking about sex, 555 00:30:57.120 --> 00:31:01.080 especially with a guy, it's not gonna stop, okay? 556 00:31:01.080 --> 00:31:02.600 Once you start talking about sex, 557 00:31:02.600 --> 00:31:06.160 you open up that topic of conversation. 558 00:31:06.160 --> 00:31:08.200 Men like to talk about sex 559 00:31:08.200 --> 00:31:10.640 and they like to talk about sex with you. 560 00:31:10.640 --> 00:31:12.880 And so there's gonna be all kinds of different things, 561 00:31:12.880 --> 00:31:16.320 like little innuendos and things, which I'm not offended by. 562 00:31:16.320 --> 00:31:18.480 If I really like a man, like my husband, 563 00:31:18.480 --> 00:31:19.800 if I really liked him 564 00:31:19.800 --> 00:31:21.840 and I felt like we had a future together, 565 00:31:21.840 --> 00:31:25.440 I'm not gonna be a prude if we're kissing and doing things 566 00:31:25.480 --> 00:31:28.960 and then he will say something to me, 567 00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:30.320 like, hey, I miss your lips, 568 00:31:30.320 --> 00:31:34.160 or I'm not gonna be a prude if he says something like, 569 00:31:35.680 --> 00:31:37.760 especially if we're marriage minded, 570 00:31:37.760 --> 00:31:38.760 if he says something like, 571 00:31:38.760 --> 00:31:41.760 I can't wait to see the rest of you. 572 00:31:41.760 --> 00:31:42.840 I'm good with that. 573 00:31:43.880 --> 00:31:47.120 If we are in a safe and committed relationship 574 00:31:47.120 --> 00:31:49.080 that I know is leading to marriage. 575 00:31:50.400 --> 00:31:52.360 But we don't wanna go there too fast 576 00:31:52.360 --> 00:31:53.920 because if you go there too fast, 577 00:31:53.920 --> 00:31:56.680 wherever your mouth goes, your body is soon to follow. 578 00:31:57.840 --> 00:31:59.240 Usually. 579 00:31:59.240 --> 00:32:00.080 Yeah. Right? 580 00:32:01.640 --> 00:32:02.480 So true. 581 00:32:02.480 --> 00:32:04.960 Gabrielle, I just wanted to clarify too. 582 00:32:06.040 --> 00:32:08.440 It's a goal for both Rick and I 583 00:32:08.440 --> 00:32:10.560 to abstain from sex before marriage. 584 00:32:10.560 --> 00:32:13.440 It's his goal and it's my goal. 585 00:32:13.440 --> 00:32:17.640 I would say I'm probably more steadfast in that goal. 586 00:32:18.760 --> 00:32:20.120 My suspicion. 587 00:32:21.440 --> 00:32:23.600 And so I have to be okay with that. 588 00:32:24.160 --> 00:32:25.520 I have to be okay with that 589 00:32:25.520 --> 00:32:27.160 and I have to decide to be stronger. 590 00:32:27.160 --> 00:32:31.480 I wish he was stronger in it than me, but I'm okay. 591 00:32:32.720 --> 00:32:33.800 I'm weighing all the other things. 592 00:32:33.800 --> 00:32:35.080 Let's define it. 593 00:32:35.080 --> 00:32:36.600 Let's define it, Renee. 594 00:32:36.600 --> 00:32:38.360 Cause you brought up Bill Clinton. 595 00:32:38.360 --> 00:32:41.440 So it's not about semantics, you guys. 596 00:32:41.440 --> 00:32:42.560 It's not about semantics. 597 00:32:42.560 --> 00:32:43.560 So let's, first of all, 598 00:32:43.560 --> 00:32:47.840 let's differentiate between sexual and romantic. 599 00:32:48.720 --> 00:32:50.480 Okay? Let's do that. 600 00:32:50.480 --> 00:32:53.560 Holding hands, romantic, not sexual. 601 00:32:54.800 --> 00:32:56.120 Okay? It's romantic. 602 00:32:56.120 --> 00:32:58.360 I wouldn't hold hands with someone. 603 00:32:58.360 --> 00:33:01.120 I personally wouldn't hold hands with someone 604 00:33:02.000 --> 00:33:05.720 unless I was in a romantic relationship with them, 605 00:33:05.720 --> 00:33:06.560 like level three. 606 00:33:06.560 --> 00:33:08.640 Like I'm gonna, I'm not gonna see him. 607 00:33:08.640 --> 00:33:10.160 Like I wouldn't go from date to date 608 00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:12.880 holding hands with all the guys that I'm talking to. 609 00:33:12.880 --> 00:33:13.760 I wouldn't. 610 00:33:13.760 --> 00:33:15.120 If you feel comfortable with that 611 00:33:15.120 --> 00:33:17.240 and you want to try them all on and see, you know, 612 00:33:17.240 --> 00:33:20.400 which one feels the best, which one's the less sweaty, 613 00:33:21.200 --> 00:33:22.880 whatever you want to do, that's on you. 614 00:33:22.880 --> 00:33:27.000 Okay? But kissing for sure, romantic, 615 00:33:27.000 --> 00:33:28.280 doesn't have to be sexual. 616 00:33:28.280 --> 00:33:30.840 Kissing can be romantic and not sexual. 617 00:33:30.840 --> 00:33:34.680 What crosses the line from kissing from romantic to sexual? 618 00:33:34.680 --> 00:33:39.680 Tongue, you know, hands and body parts, you know, 619 00:33:40.760 --> 00:33:43.280 the juxtaposition of your bodies. 620 00:33:43.280 --> 00:33:45.600 If you're laying on each other, or like Renee said, 621 00:33:45.600 --> 00:33:48.080 if you're sitting on top of them and you're making out, 622 00:33:48.080 --> 00:33:51.000 there's a difference between kissing and making out. 623 00:33:51.000 --> 00:33:51.920 Do we all agree? 624 00:33:55.800 --> 00:33:57.400 Do we agree, Renee? 625 00:33:57.400 --> 00:33:58.240 Yes. 626 00:33:59.640 --> 00:34:00.480 Oh, Tara agrees. 627 00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:01.440 Tara's all about it. 628 00:34:01.440 --> 00:34:02.520 She's like, I agree. 629 00:34:02.520 --> 00:34:03.400 I agree with you. 630 00:34:03.400 --> 00:34:04.840 Okay. There's a difference. 631 00:34:04.840 --> 00:34:06.520 So what is the difference? 632 00:34:06.520 --> 00:34:09.960 The difference is, you know, making out is, 633 00:34:09.960 --> 00:34:11.600 it's not just a kiss. 634 00:34:12.480 --> 00:34:17.320 It is a series of kisses or one kiss that doesn't stop 635 00:34:17.320 --> 00:34:20.960 and keeps getting more and more and more intense. 636 00:34:20.960 --> 00:34:21.800 Right? 637 00:34:22.880 --> 00:34:24.520 Y'all know what it is. 638 00:34:24.520 --> 00:34:29.520 I personally don't suggest tongue kissing with someone 639 00:34:30.360 --> 00:34:33.600 before you're close to getting married, 640 00:34:33.600 --> 00:34:36.199 because French kissing, tongue kissing, 641 00:34:36.199 --> 00:34:37.040 whatever you're calling it, 642 00:34:37.040 --> 00:34:38.960 making out where you're like, you know, 643 00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:42.159 really intensely going after each other, 644 00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:44.280 usually hard to stop once you start. 645 00:34:45.239 --> 00:34:48.360 I mean, it usually leads to a lot of other things 646 00:34:48.360 --> 00:34:49.800 in my experience. 647 00:34:49.800 --> 00:34:50.639 Anybody else? 648 00:34:53.880 --> 00:34:56.400 Renee, are you tongue kissing your friend? 649 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.240 And if you do French kiss someone, it probably shouldn't be while you're laying on the couch 650 00:35:05.240 --> 00:35:10.720 with no accountability from anybody else. 651 00:35:10.720 --> 00:35:11.720 So true. 652 00:35:11.720 --> 00:35:12.720 All right. 653 00:35:12.720 --> 00:35:13.720 All right. 654 00:35:13.720 --> 00:35:17.600 So Bill Clinton, that was funny about, I don't have sex. 655 00:35:17.600 --> 00:35:19.240 So what defines sex, y'all? 656 00:35:19.240 --> 00:35:21.400 So we're talking about sexual versus romantic. 657 00:35:21.400 --> 00:35:27.560 So kissing, holding hands, an arm around you, you know, walking arm in arm, all very romantic 658 00:35:27.560 --> 00:35:30.440 things, not necessarily sexual things, right? 659 00:35:30.440 --> 00:35:36.880 A back rub could be romantic and it could become sexual very, very quickly, right? 660 00:35:36.880 --> 00:35:42.480 And, and you could still at level three in an engagement, you could have, you could, 661 00:35:42.480 --> 00:35:44.320 you could rub each other. 662 00:35:44.320 --> 00:35:46.480 Now what makes it sex for me? 663 00:35:46.480 --> 00:35:51.480 And I'm, I'm willing to, you know, like change my mind, change my mind. 664 00:35:51.480 --> 00:35:58.480 What makes it sex for me, Renee and all of you is when we have an orgasm, that's what 665 00:35:58.480 --> 00:35:59.880 makes it sex for me. 666 00:35:59.880 --> 00:36:03.760 So if we're dry humping, you know what that is when you're rubbing against each other 667 00:36:03.760 --> 00:36:07.320 enough for someone to have an orgasm, right? 668 00:36:07.320 --> 00:36:10.540 If we're masturbating each other, definitely sex. 669 00:36:10.540 --> 00:36:16.120 If there's oral sex involved, definitely for me, sex, right? 670 00:36:16.120 --> 00:36:19.220 Where we're trying to climax together in one way, shape, or form. 671 00:36:19.220 --> 00:36:24.860 If we're talking on the phone and mutually masturbating, sex, why do I feel like I'm 672 00:36:24.860 --> 00:36:26.180 in an episode of Parks and Rec? 673 00:36:26.180 --> 00:36:31.180 Go to jail, straight to jail, jail, chicken undercooked, jail, steak over duck, jail. 674 00:36:31.180 --> 00:36:33.740 You guys don't know what I'm talking about, but it's very funny. 675 00:36:33.740 --> 00:36:34.740 Okay. 676 00:36:34.740 --> 00:36:43.100 So give some other instances of, you know, not sex versus, yeah, I think that's sex. 677 00:36:43.100 --> 00:36:48.660 Anything else? 678 00:36:48.660 --> 00:36:51.500 And we're not trying to split hairs y'all, we're just trying to give you an idea of what 679 00:36:51.500 --> 00:36:58.300 is, what's sex. 680 00:36:58.300 --> 00:37:03.860 Well and let's just face it, like the more clothes that come off, the more it's sex, 681 00:37:03.860 --> 00:37:04.860 right? 682 00:37:04.860 --> 00:37:08.780 Like if you're naked and he's naked and you're all just doing that and you somehow managed 683 00:37:08.780 --> 00:37:13.340 to not have an O, like I don't think God's going, Oh, look at my children. 684 00:37:13.340 --> 00:37:14.940 They're totally doing exactly what I asked. 685 00:37:14.940 --> 00:37:18.540 Like we're, it's a, you know, it's a, we're just splitting hairs at that point. 686 00:37:19.420 --> 00:37:21.300 So like, that's just my running joke too. 687 00:37:21.300 --> 00:37:22.300 Clothes stay on. 688 00:37:22.300 --> 00:37:23.300 Clothes stay on. 689 00:37:23.300 --> 00:37:25.420 And you guys, here's the thing. 690 00:37:25.420 --> 00:37:29.860 God is not like, he's not, you know, sitting there like at the Olympics, giving you like 691 00:37:29.860 --> 00:37:30.860 a score. 692 00:37:30.860 --> 00:37:33.100 Sex, no sex, you know? 693 00:37:33.100 --> 00:37:34.940 He's not trying to keep sex from you. 694 00:37:34.940 --> 00:37:37.260 He made it, he created it. 695 00:37:37.260 --> 00:37:44.860 He just knows the effect it will have on you spiritually, mentally, emotionally, you know, 696 00:37:45.180 --> 00:37:50.780 physically, if you're having it with someone who's not in it to win it with you. 697 00:37:52.140 --> 00:37:56.540 Someone who's basically using you for that experience and nothing else that's going to 698 00:37:56.540 --> 00:37:57.340 break your heart. 699 00:37:58.300 --> 00:37:58.540 Okay. 700 00:37:58.540 --> 00:38:01.740 That's going to taint you for future experiences. 701 00:38:01.740 --> 00:38:04.060 That's going to make you not trust people. 702 00:38:04.060 --> 00:38:05.740 It's going to do all kinds of stuff to you. 703 00:38:06.300 --> 00:38:09.740 And so that's why it's important for us to have these conversations. 704 00:38:10.860 --> 00:38:11.100 Okay. 705 00:38:11.100 --> 00:38:12.940 Let's talk about when we are married. 706 00:38:12.940 --> 00:38:15.580 Let's talk about sex and how it's going to connect. 707 00:38:15.580 --> 00:38:19.580 We can talk about still, you know, sex before marriage, or do we want to talk about masturbation 708 00:38:19.580 --> 00:38:20.300 now? 709 00:38:20.300 --> 00:38:22.940 And then Renee said something very important. 710 00:38:22.940 --> 00:38:28.860 She said, she told her guy, you know, if I do this, it's going to feel good in the moment, 711 00:38:28.860 --> 00:38:31.100 but it is going to cause shame afterwards. 712 00:38:31.660 --> 00:38:32.860 And I don't want that. 713 00:38:32.860 --> 00:38:36.060 And if that happens, then I'm going to, I'm going to pull away from you. 714 00:38:36.060 --> 00:38:38.060 I'm going to pull away from God because that's what shame does. 715 00:38:38.060 --> 00:38:39.500 It makes us pull away from God. 716 00:38:39.500 --> 00:38:44.700 And I'm going to pull away from you too, because I'm going to see you as part of, you know, 717 00:38:44.700 --> 00:38:47.980 this process that has caused me to feel this kind of pain. 718 00:38:49.100 --> 00:38:54.060 And ladies, I want to tell you that you might be seducing him because you think if you exchange 719 00:38:54.060 --> 00:38:56.940 your sexuality, then he's going to give you the ring. 720 00:38:56.940 --> 00:38:58.860 He's going to fall in love with you. 721 00:38:58.860 --> 00:39:01.180 He's going to want to be with you forever. 722 00:39:01.180 --> 00:39:02.940 And so you're willing to do that. 723 00:39:02.940 --> 00:39:06.620 If he lets you do it, you're not going to respect him. 724 00:39:07.100 --> 00:39:08.860 It's going to breed distrust. 725 00:39:08.860 --> 00:39:14.300 And even if you do marry that man, you're going to have a disconnect in your sex life 726 00:39:14.300 --> 00:39:15.580 until this is made right. 727 00:39:16.460 --> 00:39:17.740 And it's much harder than you think. 728 00:39:19.740 --> 00:39:22.380 So don't try to get something. 729 00:39:22.940 --> 00:39:29.660 And then when you get it, you know, um, realize later, like, don't try to get something because 730 00:39:29.660 --> 00:39:32.860 when you get that thing, you're going to realize later that that is not what you wanted. 731 00:39:32.860 --> 00:39:39.660 So do not tempt him because he is a man like Renee said, and if you give him, you know, 732 00:39:39.660 --> 00:39:43.180 if you give him the rope, he could hang himself with it. 733 00:39:44.780 --> 00:39:47.420 I'm not saying that you need to be the only person setting the boundaries, but I think 734 00:39:47.420 --> 00:39:52.700 a lot of times women try to seduce men to get the security that they're looking for. 735 00:39:52.700 --> 00:39:54.620 And you don't want that type of security. 736 00:39:54.620 --> 00:40:02.300 You want a man with you that, you know, has integrity and cannot be a threat to you. 737 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.600 be seduced away from his morals. So don't try to do it. Okay. So you can't live against your 738 00:40:05.600 --> 00:40:09.920 conscience and that's going to lead into masturbation right now. This is what I want 739 00:40:09.920 --> 00:40:16.640 to say from the very get go about masturbation. If you think it's wrong, it's wrong for you. 740 00:40:19.280 --> 00:40:24.720 If you think it's sin, it's sin for you. And the reason why I'm saying that is because 741 00:40:24.720 --> 00:40:29.200 you cannot live against your conscience. If you've been raised to believe a certain thing 742 00:40:29.200 --> 00:40:33.760 about something and no matter what evidence comes to the contrary, you still just believe 743 00:40:33.760 --> 00:40:38.480 that that is something that is inappropriate and God doesn't like it and he's displeased from it. 744 00:40:38.480 --> 00:40:45.360 If you do it, it's going to cause you shame. And you don't want to be in that shame cycle. 745 00:40:46.400 --> 00:40:53.760 I personally do not believe that masturbation is a sin. I don't. There's no evidence that 746 00:40:53.760 --> 00:40:58.320 it's a sin in the word of God. It is not a sin. And I'm not trying to say that just because I 747 00:40:58.320 --> 00:41:06.720 want to go masturbate. Um, I'm saying it because I believe it's true. Now the Bible does say to 748 00:41:06.720 --> 00:41:13.520 flee from lustful thoughts. Okay. It does say to do that. It also says to flee from fornication. 749 00:41:13.520 --> 00:41:20.560 What's fornication. Fornication is sex outside of covenant. That's what that is. It also says 750 00:41:20.560 --> 00:41:26.320 obviously that homosexuality is something that is unworthy of you and considered sin. And I, 751 00:41:26.320 --> 00:41:30.640 if you don't like that, the Bible, okay. I know that those are fighting words nowadays. 752 00:41:31.600 --> 00:41:37.680 Okay. And I do believe a lot of people are born into sexual brokenness and that's all they know 753 00:41:37.680 --> 00:41:41.200 all their life. And so they do feel like they were born that way because they were born. 754 00:41:42.080 --> 00:41:46.080 We've all been born under the curse y'all. And it all looks different on all of us. Amen. 755 00:41:48.320 --> 00:41:52.480 We've all, I feel like I came out of my mother's womb, a liar. 756 00:41:52.480 --> 00:41:57.360 Cause that was a self that was survival instinct from the time I was just a little tiny baby. I was 757 00:41:57.360 --> 00:42:03.280 lying. Was I born that way? Yeah, I was born into the curse and that's what the curse looked like on 758 00:42:03.280 --> 00:42:10.640 me. That was the survival instinct that I had in the crazy jungle that I was born into. And so yes, 759 00:42:10.640 --> 00:42:14.960 people do come out of the womb under the curse. Remember the new birth experience happens later. 760 00:42:15.520 --> 00:42:19.440 And so it's important that we understand that. And so all of us have brokenness that we need 761 00:42:19.440 --> 00:42:22.880 to work through and all of us are going to work through that differently. That's why we shouldn't 762 00:42:22.880 --> 00:42:27.760 judge other people's sin. We should understand that God has a plan for them and that they're 763 00:42:27.760 --> 00:42:33.120 going to have to work out their own salvation. Okay. It's important to understand. Back to 764 00:42:33.120 --> 00:42:39.920 masturbation. Okay. When you're in certain areas of your life, your hormones are raging. 765 00:42:40.640 --> 00:42:45.360 They're raging. And if you don't have an outlet for that, it could be very tempting 766 00:42:45.360 --> 00:42:50.640 to give yourself an outlet just for the release of it. Now, some people are addicted to the 767 00:42:50.640 --> 00:42:56.000 feelings of the dopamine hits and the serotonin and all the things that an orgasm brings to the 768 00:42:56.000 --> 00:43:00.720 table. And so they get addicted to that just like they get addicted to eating ding-dongs 769 00:43:00.720 --> 00:43:06.560 or smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol or, you know, shooting up. It's a drug, which is why 770 00:43:06.560 --> 00:43:11.600 they call pornography the new drug. The problem is, is pornography doesn't just mess up your body. 771 00:43:11.600 --> 00:43:19.200 It messes up your mind. Okay. So that being said, I don't think the act of masturbating, 772 00:43:19.200 --> 00:43:23.280 so stimulating yourself until you have an orgasm, I don't believe that that's a sin. 773 00:43:23.280 --> 00:43:28.080 I do believe that the fantasy life that a lot of people attach to masturbation 774 00:43:29.120 --> 00:43:36.400 is, is the part where we go off the rails, right? It's the part where we go off the rails. 775 00:43:37.360 --> 00:43:41.680 So a lot of people are, you know, when they're masturbating, they're, they're fantasizing about 776 00:43:41.680 --> 00:43:45.760 a lot of things that are detrimental to their emotional and mental health. They might be 777 00:43:45.760 --> 00:43:50.720 fantasizing about something they saw in a porn, a pornographic movie, or in a, just a regular movie, 778 00:43:50.720 --> 00:43:57.280 which friends pre pre-pornographic nowadays, for those of you that are, you know, I'm not 779 00:43:57.280 --> 00:44:00.640 trying to be Holy Spirit in your life, but if you're watching things like Game of Thrones and 780 00:44:00.640 --> 00:44:06.960 Bridgerton, you're watching porn. I can't tell you how many people have suggested to me, Oh, 781 00:44:06.960 --> 00:44:11.040 watch this series on Netflix or watch that series on Netflix. And then I turned it on 782 00:44:11.040 --> 00:44:15.360 and I got one episode in where the brother and sister are full blown going at it, having sex. 783 00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:23.280 I'm like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. What, what, who, who told us to watch this? And then I find, 784 00:44:23.280 --> 00:44:28.480 I remember who it was. And I'm like, they're the pastor of a church. Why am I watching this? 785 00:44:29.440 --> 00:44:33.440 And then of course I didn't watch it anymore, but that stuff is soft porn. It's porn. 786 00:44:34.000 --> 00:44:39.360 It is kind of maybe intermediate porn, the episode that I saw of Game of Thrones. 787 00:44:39.360 --> 00:44:43.680 And I've heard, cause I haven't watched it. Bridgerton is just the exact same thing. 788 00:44:43.680 --> 00:44:50.560 And so is some of this other stuff, handmaidens tale, whatever you guys do not watch that stuff 789 00:44:51.680 --> 00:44:57.680 that is going to fuel your future sex life. When you get those images in your head, 790 00:44:57.680 --> 00:44:59.840 you cannot get them out. You can't. 791 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.000 I'm telling you right now, you can't get them out. 792 00:45:03.000 --> 00:45:06.000 When I go someplace and I have to sleep somewhere, 793 00:45:06.000 --> 00:45:08.000 I always look under the bed. 794 00:45:08.000 --> 00:45:10.000 Why? Why do I look under the bed? 795 00:45:10.000 --> 00:45:12.000 Because I just know there's a serial killer hiding under there 796 00:45:12.000 --> 00:45:17.000 because I saw Friday the 13th when I was 8 years old. 797 00:45:17.000 --> 00:45:19.000 That was 42 years ago. 798 00:45:19.000 --> 00:45:22.000 And I still look under the bed, Renee, 799 00:45:22.000 --> 00:45:27.000 to see what's going on down there. 800 00:45:27.000 --> 00:45:29.000 Why? Because that made an impression on me 801 00:45:29.000 --> 00:45:31.000 that is now seared into my mind. 802 00:45:31.000 --> 00:45:34.000 And all this other stuff is doing the same thing to you. 803 00:45:34.000 --> 00:45:36.000 So if you're one of those girlies that can get in the shower 804 00:45:36.000 --> 00:45:38.000 and take the shower head 805 00:45:38.000 --> 00:45:40.000 and put that hard stream of water on your clitoris 806 00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:43.000 and have an orgasm without one kind of thought coming in your mind, 807 00:45:43.000 --> 00:45:45.000 you go, girl. 808 00:45:45.000 --> 00:45:48.000 I don't think that's a sin. 809 00:45:48.000 --> 00:45:51.000 I don't. 810 00:45:52.000 --> 00:45:59.000 I know that was very detailed. 811 00:45:59.000 --> 00:46:01.000 That was a very detailed example. 812 00:46:01.000 --> 00:46:05.000 But once again, 813 00:46:05.000 --> 00:46:08.000 but if you're the kind of person that takes forever to have an orgasm, 814 00:46:08.000 --> 00:46:11.000 you're masturbating, you're thinking about every boy that you ever liked, 815 00:46:11.000 --> 00:46:14.000 and you're thinking about the mommy porn that you read all the time 816 00:46:14.000 --> 00:46:17.000 or Fifty Shades of Grey or whatever it is, 817 00:46:18.000 --> 00:46:20.000 and you're thinking about all of these other things, 818 00:46:20.000 --> 00:46:24.000 it's probably going to cause you shame to be involved in that. 819 00:46:24.000 --> 00:46:26.000 But then what do we do, Renee? 820 00:46:26.000 --> 00:46:28.000 Because we don't want to be the crypt keeper down there. 821 00:46:28.000 --> 00:46:30.000 And a lot of us are getting to the age 822 00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:32.000 where it's like turning into the desert down there. 823 00:46:32.000 --> 00:46:34.000 It's getting dry down there. 824 00:46:34.000 --> 00:46:36.000 It's not being used down there. 825 00:46:36.000 --> 00:46:38.000 Raise your hand if you've been afraid of, 826 00:46:38.000 --> 00:46:40.000 hey, I'm going to meet my guy, 827 00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:43.000 but then maybe I'm going to have vaginal atrophy, 828 00:46:43.000 --> 00:46:46.000 like I haven't used my vagina ever or in a long time, 829 00:46:46.000 --> 00:46:48.000 and it's not going to work. 830 00:46:48.000 --> 00:46:50.000 It's a real topic, y'all. 831 00:46:50.000 --> 00:46:52.000 I just had my OB appointment. 832 00:46:52.000 --> 00:46:54.000 I'm 55 years old, 833 00:46:54.000 --> 00:46:59.000 and he had put an IUD in me to help me ride through menopause, 834 00:46:59.000 --> 00:47:00.000 which I did. 835 00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:02.000 I had really no menopause symptoms. 836 00:47:02.000 --> 00:47:04.000 And just him taking the IUD out, 837 00:47:04.000 --> 00:47:07.000 which an IUD is pretty stinking small, 838 00:47:07.000 --> 00:47:09.000 he saw how much pain I felt. 839 00:47:09.000 --> 00:47:11.000 He's like, okay, so we need to talk, Renee, 840 00:47:11.000 --> 00:47:14.000 like if you're going to get married and want to have sex, 841 00:47:14.000 --> 00:47:16.000 like the wall's getting thin, 842 00:47:16.000 --> 00:47:18.000 and you've not used it in a long time, 843 00:47:18.000 --> 00:47:22.000 so I need to put you on something now to start to strengthen the wall 844 00:47:22.000 --> 00:47:26.000 and get it ready so that it's going to take about six months 845 00:47:26.000 --> 00:47:30.000 so that if you get to the stage of wanting to have sex, 846 00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:32.000 like it's going to take a little bit of work, 847 00:47:32.000 --> 00:47:34.000 and he's going to need to be patient with you. 848 00:47:34.000 --> 00:47:36.000 Like it's not going to be easy. 849 00:47:36.000 --> 00:47:38.000 You guys, I have a small cervix. 850 00:47:38.000 --> 00:47:39.000 I've never had kids, 851 00:47:39.000 --> 00:47:43.000 so it's just really tight as a drum down there lately. 852 00:47:44.000 --> 00:47:46.000 And so I have worried about that. 853 00:47:46.000 --> 00:47:48.000 And so definitely if you're older, 854 00:47:48.000 --> 00:47:52.000 you need to consider getting into the OB and having that conversation 855 00:47:52.000 --> 00:47:55.000 and starting to get your body prepared now 856 00:47:55.000 --> 00:47:58.000 so that you don't wait until the last minute. 857 00:47:58.000 --> 00:48:01.000 You guys, it's not an if, okay? 858 00:48:01.000 --> 00:48:03.000 I'm only 49 years old, and I'm telling you, 859 00:48:03.000 --> 00:48:07.000 my orgasms are so much less intense than they used to be 860 00:48:07.000 --> 00:48:11.000 because I have pelvic floor dysfunction, okay? 861 00:48:11.000 --> 00:48:14.000 So some of the signs of that are when you have to pee, 862 00:48:14.000 --> 00:48:16.000 it doesn't always stay all the way in. 863 00:48:16.000 --> 00:48:19.000 You're maybe leaking a little bit. 864 00:48:19.000 --> 00:48:24.000 If you do masturbate and you're having really weak orgasms, 865 00:48:24.000 --> 00:48:26.000 that's also a sign of that. 866 00:48:26.000 --> 00:48:28.000 There's all different types of things. 867 00:48:28.000 --> 00:48:32.000 That kind of apron of muscles that hold all those pelvic organs in place, 868 00:48:32.000 --> 00:48:36.000 including your bladder, starts to get lax from lack of hormones, 869 00:48:36.000 --> 00:48:38.000 and things start to get out of place. 870 00:48:38.000 --> 00:48:39.000 You can have tailbone pain. 871 00:48:39.000 --> 00:48:40.000 That's another sign of that. 872 00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:43.000 So just go get checked out. 873 00:48:43.000 --> 00:48:48.000 I would like to tell you to go to a holistic or natural path, OBGYN. 874 00:48:48.000 --> 00:48:52.000 If you do hormone replacement, please do bioidentical hormone replacement. 875 00:48:52.000 --> 00:48:53.000 It's completely safe. 876 00:48:53.000 --> 00:48:54.000 It is. 877 00:48:54.000 --> 00:48:56.000 They've proven it, that it is. 878 00:48:56.000 --> 00:49:00.000 And so you're going to want to do something like that for sure. 879 00:49:00.000 --> 00:49:02.000 There's this little thing that you can put inside of yourself 880 00:49:02.000 --> 00:49:06.000 that actually, like electrical pulses, 881 00:49:06.000 --> 00:49:08.000 that strengthens your vaginal wall. 882 00:49:08.000 --> 00:49:09.000 I don't know if you know about this, 883 00:49:09.000 --> 00:49:13.000 but you actually stick it in there and you leave it in there. 884 00:49:13.000 --> 00:49:15.000 And then it's connected to like a little remote control that you have, 885 00:49:15.000 --> 00:49:18.000 and you can give yourself like little electrical pulses, 886 00:49:18.000 --> 00:49:21.000 and it strengthens your muscles down there. 887 00:49:21.000 --> 00:49:23.000 It's kind of like Kegels. 888 00:49:23.000 --> 00:49:28.000 But you guys have seen where people get abs from going and getting on the 889 00:49:28.000 --> 00:49:31.000 ab, and it's like they put like the little electrodes on you, 890 00:49:31.000 --> 00:49:33.000 and it does all kinds of crunches for you. 891 00:49:33.000 --> 00:49:37.000 It's like the lazy person's, you know, ab workout. 892 00:49:37.000 --> 00:49:40.000 Well, it's like that, but it's for your vagina. 893 00:49:40.000 --> 00:49:43.000 So there's all different types of things you can do. Right. 894 00:49:43.000 --> 00:49:46.000 And of course, definitely get lube. 895 00:49:46.000 --> 00:49:50.000 No shame in your game to have lubricants. 896 00:49:50.000 --> 00:49:55.000 And the water-based lubes are the best. KY makes some great ones. 897 00:49:55.000 --> 00:49:57.000 The heated up ones. 898 00:49:57.000 --> 00:50:00.000 I don't know about that because. 899 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.480 you know, the last thing you want is your vagina on fire, 900 00:50:02.480 --> 00:50:05.120 but if that's how you roll and that's going to feel good, 901 00:50:05.120 --> 00:50:07.600 and you're going to try all of those things out 902 00:50:08.720 --> 00:50:12.020 because I want you to graduate from this course 903 00:50:12.020 --> 00:50:15.240 when you get into this romantic, you know, 904 00:50:15.240 --> 00:50:18.480 covenant marriage that you are not approved 905 00:50:18.480 --> 00:50:21.000 and not afraid of sex and want to enjoy it 906 00:50:21.000 --> 00:50:24.600 and want to try what you need to try in order to enjoy it. 907 00:50:24.600 --> 00:50:27.000 So let's talk about oral sex, Renee. 908 00:50:27.000 --> 00:50:29.400 Let's talk about oral sex within relationships. 909 00:50:30.280 --> 00:50:31.760 A lot of people think that's wrong. 910 00:50:31.760 --> 00:50:33.080 They think oral sex is wrong. 911 00:50:33.080 --> 00:50:35.080 The only thing that's allowed is penis and vagina, 912 00:50:35.080 --> 00:50:37.660 missionary position, lights off, covers up, done. 913 00:50:39.260 --> 00:50:40.100 Okay. 914 00:50:41.680 --> 00:50:42.720 But here's the thing. 915 00:50:43.680 --> 00:50:47.720 If both people want to have oral sex 916 00:50:47.720 --> 00:50:50.880 and it's comfortable and it's enjoyable, okay, 917 00:50:50.880 --> 00:50:54.900 then I think there's a green light on that, okay? 918 00:50:54.900 --> 00:50:58.400 If both people like it, it's a green light. 919 00:50:58.400 --> 00:51:01.300 The only thing this doesn't apply to is anal sex. 920 00:51:01.300 --> 00:51:02.140 Why is that? 921 00:51:02.140 --> 00:51:05.060 Because the Bible specifically says not to have anal sex. 922 00:51:06.420 --> 00:51:07.940 Y'all, I don't know how we get past this. 923 00:51:07.940 --> 00:51:09.500 I don't know how people go to like, 924 00:51:09.500 --> 00:51:13.020 the marriage bed is undefiled, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 925 00:51:13.020 --> 00:51:16.980 The Bible says not to sodomize anyone, including your wife. 926 00:51:19.280 --> 00:51:20.300 Why is that? 927 00:51:20.300 --> 00:51:22.780 Because that's an exit only door. 928 00:51:22.780 --> 00:51:24.100 And the reason why it's exit only 929 00:51:24.140 --> 00:51:26.620 is because the stuff that comes out of there is waste 930 00:51:26.620 --> 00:51:27.740 and it's toxic. 931 00:51:30.580 --> 00:51:33.540 The tissue, the delicate tissue that's there, 932 00:51:33.540 --> 00:51:36.200 all the things that are there, okay, 933 00:51:36.200 --> 00:51:41.200 that is not meant to be traumatized by penetration. 934 00:51:43.420 --> 00:51:44.740 And if you don't believe me, 935 00:51:44.740 --> 00:51:48.300 talk to a proctologist that deals with homosexual men. 936 00:51:48.300 --> 00:51:51.880 Those poor men's bowels are hanging out of their bodies. 937 00:51:51.920 --> 00:51:53.960 Those poor men have all kinds, 938 00:51:53.960 --> 00:51:55.920 do you know that they have all kinds of blood disorders 939 00:51:55.920 --> 00:51:57.960 that are not seen in the general population 940 00:51:57.960 --> 00:52:01.000 of any country ever? 941 00:52:01.000 --> 00:52:06.000 Those diseases are toxic based diseases 942 00:52:06.160 --> 00:52:09.520 caused specifically by sodomy. 943 00:52:11.680 --> 00:52:13.740 And the reason why I have to say this tonight 944 00:52:13.740 --> 00:52:15.320 is because of porn culture. 945 00:52:16.260 --> 00:52:19.260 There are gonna be people that think that anal sex is normal 946 00:52:22.280 --> 00:52:24.560 there are going to be men that seem normal 947 00:52:24.560 --> 00:52:26.360 and even maybe love God, 948 00:52:26.360 --> 00:52:27.760 then once you get married to them 949 00:52:27.760 --> 00:52:29.120 are going to wanna try that 950 00:52:29.120 --> 00:52:31.420 because they saw that in the movie somewhere. 951 00:52:33.760 --> 00:52:36.880 No, it's no. 952 00:52:36.880 --> 00:52:38.080 And I really wanna encourage you 953 00:52:38.080 --> 00:52:39.640 when you're in a serious relationship 954 00:52:39.640 --> 00:52:40.600 that's headed towards marriage 955 00:52:40.600 --> 00:52:41.980 and the sex talk is on the table 956 00:52:41.980 --> 00:52:43.460 because you're talking about sex, 957 00:52:43.460 --> 00:52:46.460 you let them know that you're not gonna be having anal sex 958 00:52:47.600 --> 00:52:48.440 ever. 959 00:52:52.640 --> 00:52:53.600 You're not. 960 00:52:53.600 --> 00:52:55.120 Because I'm gonna tell you one thing, 961 00:52:55.120 --> 00:52:56.560 it may feel good in the moment 962 00:52:56.560 --> 00:52:58.560 and you're like, oh, how could it? 963 00:52:58.560 --> 00:53:00.760 Because it can, there's a lot of nerve endings there 964 00:53:00.760 --> 00:53:05.280 and it could, depending on how large the man's penis is 965 00:53:06.360 --> 00:53:08.160 and all the different things, 966 00:53:08.160 --> 00:53:12.020 but it will cause you horrible shame afterwards. 967 00:53:13.580 --> 00:53:14.940 It's going to cause shame. 968 00:53:14.940 --> 00:53:17.580 And the reason why is because you're using your body 969 00:53:17.580 --> 00:53:19.640 in a way that it's not meant to be used. 970 00:53:22.880 --> 00:53:25.160 All right. 971 00:53:25.160 --> 00:53:27.000 I wanted to make sure, 972 00:53:27.000 --> 00:53:28.960 and David is doing the sex talk with the guys 973 00:53:28.960 --> 00:53:32.420 and he's having the same talk, okay? 974 00:53:34.760 --> 00:53:36.840 He's having the same talk over there. 975 00:53:36.840 --> 00:53:39.360 So we want sex that makes us feel connected, 976 00:53:39.360 --> 00:53:40.440 not disconnected. 977 00:53:40.440 --> 00:53:42.920 Do we have any virgins here? 978 00:53:42.920 --> 00:53:44.800 Anyone who has never had intercourse, 979 00:53:44.800 --> 00:53:46.000 please raise your hand. 980 00:53:52.880 --> 00:53:57.200 Well, my God, it's a lot of peepers. 981 00:53:57.200 --> 00:53:58.800 Well, okay. 982 00:53:58.800 --> 00:53:59.640 All right. 983 00:54:06.520 --> 00:54:07.360 All right. 984 00:54:07.360 --> 00:54:08.960 And they stayed on the call so far. 985 00:54:08.960 --> 00:54:11.840 Really proud of you guys, that was awesome. 986 00:54:11.840 --> 00:54:12.680 All right. 987 00:54:12.680 --> 00:54:13.840 The thing that I want to say to you, 988 00:54:13.840 --> 00:54:16.160 I have a daughter that's getting married in August 989 00:54:16.160 --> 00:54:18.240 and she's 23 and she's a virgin 990 00:54:18.240 --> 00:54:20.800 and her fiance is also a virgin. 991 00:54:20.800 --> 00:54:22.920 And I talked to him last night, 992 00:54:22.920 --> 00:54:25.880 they were in Simbis and Bethany and Brian were teaching that 993 00:54:25.880 --> 00:54:29.160 but then they're on vacation and so I did the last Q&A. 994 00:54:29.160 --> 00:54:31.080 I specifically didn't teach this round of Simbis 995 00:54:31.080 --> 00:54:33.200 because my daughter and her fiance were in there 996 00:54:33.200 --> 00:54:35.040 and I didn't want it to be weird for them. 997 00:54:35.040 --> 00:54:36.400 But because I did the Q&A 998 00:54:36.400 --> 00:54:38.480 and sex did come up during the Q&A, 999 00:54:38.480 --> 00:54:41.040 when I was done with Simbis, 1000 00:54:41.040 --> 00:54:44.440 my future son-in-law said to me in person, 1001 00:54:44.440 --> 00:54:46.760 because he lives on our property, 1002 00:54:46.760 --> 00:54:47.840 he said to me, he said, 1003 00:54:47.840 --> 00:54:49.200 hey, can I ask you a few questions? 1004 00:54:49.240 --> 00:54:50.680 And I said, sure. 1005 00:54:50.680 --> 00:54:53.160 Because once again, no shame in my game, 1006 00:54:53.160 --> 00:54:54.880 I'm not awkward about sex at all. 1007 00:54:54.880 --> 00:54:56.800 And he said, hey, I'm worried about this 1008 00:54:56.800 --> 00:54:58.120 and I'm worried about that. 1009 00:54:58.120 --> 00:54:59.760 Both of us never had sex before. 1010 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.360 And I told him this, and I'm going to tell all of you 1011 00:55:02.360 --> 00:55:05.680 that have never had sex or intercourse before. 1012 00:55:05.680 --> 00:55:10.680 You are going to have to learn how to flow with each other. 1013 00:55:12.000 --> 00:55:13.920 It's not ever going to be a situation 1014 00:55:13.920 --> 00:55:16.520 where on your wedding night, like the movies, 1015 00:55:16.520 --> 00:55:18.640 it's just hot and heavy and so exciting. 1016 00:55:18.640 --> 00:55:20.220 Oh, mind-blowing sex. 1017 00:55:20.220 --> 00:55:21.960 That's not what sex is like. 1018 00:55:22.840 --> 00:55:25.640 Even those of us that have had sex before, 1019 00:55:25.640 --> 00:55:29.360 when you have a new partner and you are married 1020 00:55:29.360 --> 00:55:30.480 and you have that new partner, 1021 00:55:30.480 --> 00:55:31.560 it's not going to be like that. 1022 00:55:31.560 --> 00:55:36.560 You have to learn how to be with each other intimately. 1023 00:55:37.320 --> 00:55:38.640 And that's a beautiful thing 1024 00:55:38.640 --> 00:55:40.280 that you get to learn about each other. 1025 00:55:40.280 --> 00:55:42.940 And so the most important thing is communication. 1026 00:55:44.280 --> 00:55:45.880 Communicate. 1027 00:55:45.880 --> 00:55:46.720 What feels good? 1028 00:55:46.720 --> 00:55:47.760 What doesn't feel good? 1029 00:55:47.760 --> 00:55:49.920 Like personally, guys, this is, once again, 1030 00:55:49.920 --> 00:55:52.500 this is very TMI information. 1031 00:55:52.500 --> 00:55:54.980 I don't enjoy oral sex. 1032 00:55:54.980 --> 00:55:59.280 I don't want my husband to perform oral sex on me. 1033 00:56:00.040 --> 00:56:02.640 And the reason why is because I was sexually abused 1034 00:56:02.640 --> 00:56:04.560 from the time I was two years old. 1035 00:56:04.560 --> 00:56:06.800 And that is what my grandfather used to do to me. 1036 00:56:06.800 --> 00:56:11.180 He used to perform oral sex on me as a child. 1037 00:56:11.180 --> 00:56:15.600 And so to me, even though I forgive, he's in heaven, 1038 00:56:15.600 --> 00:56:18.900 I forgive all the things, to me, it's not a turn on. 1039 00:56:20.840 --> 00:56:22.680 I don't enjoy that at all. 1040 00:56:22.680 --> 00:56:24.560 There's nothing about that that I want. 1041 00:56:24.560 --> 00:56:27.480 Some women are like, woo, go downtown. 1042 00:56:27.480 --> 00:56:28.440 I'm all about it. 1043 00:56:28.440 --> 00:56:29.280 So excited. 1044 00:56:29.280 --> 00:56:32.960 It's part of regular foreplay in their marriages, right? 1045 00:56:32.960 --> 00:56:34.360 I was at a marriage conference once 1046 00:56:34.360 --> 00:56:36.520 where the woman that was speaking said that, 1047 00:56:36.520 --> 00:56:38.960 you know, that oral sex was wrong. 1048 00:56:38.960 --> 00:56:41.880 And I promise you, a woman jumped up from her table. 1049 00:56:41.880 --> 00:56:43.320 She said, the hell it is. 1050 00:56:43.320 --> 00:56:46.400 This is a Christian marriage conference. 1051 00:56:46.400 --> 00:56:50.560 I'll never forget it. 1052 00:56:50.560 --> 00:56:52.680 She was from New York, this woman that jumped up. 1053 00:56:52.680 --> 00:56:57.680 And she's like, she's like, I forget what she said, 1054 00:56:57.760 --> 00:56:59.160 but it was really hilarious. 1055 00:56:59.160 --> 00:57:00.320 And I was like, oh my gosh. 1056 00:57:00.320 --> 00:57:01.800 So there are women that will, 1057 00:57:01.800 --> 00:57:06.800 they fight for their rights to have that, 1058 00:57:06.920 --> 00:57:09.880 to have that be part of their sexual lives 1059 00:57:09.880 --> 00:57:10.720 with their husbands. 1060 00:57:10.720 --> 00:57:12.840 And it's not sin, it's not wrong, 1061 00:57:13.800 --> 00:57:18.640 but I personally don't prefer that, okay? 1062 00:57:18.640 --> 00:57:21.600 And so that's the kind of conversations 1063 00:57:21.600 --> 00:57:23.560 that you have to be willing to have 1064 00:57:23.560 --> 00:57:26.600 as you're getting to know each other intimately. 1065 00:57:26.600 --> 00:57:28.560 Hey, I don't like that. 1066 00:57:28.560 --> 00:57:29.640 I like this. 1067 00:57:29.640 --> 00:57:31.440 This makes me feel good or safe, 1068 00:57:31.440 --> 00:57:32.720 or this really turns me on. 1069 00:57:32.720 --> 00:57:36.480 I feel really aroused by this, you know, kind of thing. 1070 00:57:36.480 --> 00:57:38.520 Now, when it comes to like role-playing 1071 00:57:38.520 --> 00:57:39.920 and pretending to be other people, 1072 00:57:39.920 --> 00:57:42.520 you guys, that's very, that's very porn culture. 1073 00:57:44.640 --> 00:57:45.840 It's just porn culture. 1074 00:57:45.840 --> 00:57:46.880 Remember all the movies, 1075 00:57:46.880 --> 00:57:48.440 for those of you that have seen porn, 1076 00:57:48.440 --> 00:57:50.800 all those people are like pizza delivery guy 1077 00:57:50.800 --> 00:57:52.840 or the maid cleaning the room. 1078 00:57:52.840 --> 00:57:54.640 And then the guy walks in, you know, 1079 00:57:54.640 --> 00:57:58.560 and just, am I saying that it's sin or wrong 1080 00:57:58.560 --> 00:58:00.440 to role-play with your spouse? 1081 00:58:00.440 --> 00:58:03.040 I'm not saying that, but I am telling you 1082 00:58:03.040 --> 00:58:04.720 that if you're pretending to be other people 1083 00:58:04.720 --> 00:58:07.040 in order to get aroused in specific scenarios, 1084 00:58:07.040 --> 00:58:08.240 in order to get aroused, 1085 00:58:08.240 --> 00:58:09.920 it probably isn't creating connection 1086 00:58:09.920 --> 00:58:11.080 between the two of you. 1087 00:58:14.680 --> 00:58:17.600 It's probably not gonna create connection. 1088 00:58:17.600 --> 00:58:19.960 What it's gonna do is it's gonna create a crutch 1089 00:58:19.960 --> 00:58:22.040 on which I can't get excited 1090 00:58:22.040 --> 00:58:23.720 unless you pretend 1091 00:58:23.720 --> 00:58:26.440 that you're somehow taking advantage of me. 1092 00:58:26.440 --> 00:58:28.920 How is that exciting? 1093 00:58:28.920 --> 00:58:31.520 These are the things we have to ask ourselves, right? 1094 00:58:35.240 --> 00:58:37.480 I had a girlfriend who was not turned on 1095 00:58:37.480 --> 00:58:38.520 by her husband sexually 1096 00:58:38.520 --> 00:58:40.800 unless he pretended that he was forcing her. 1097 00:58:43.160 --> 00:58:44.000 Yuck. 1098 00:58:45.200 --> 00:58:48.800 That isn't, that's not gonna make you feel good afterwards. 1099 00:58:48.800 --> 00:58:50.480 Look, I don't care how good it feels 1100 00:58:50.480 --> 00:58:51.600 until you climax, 1101 00:58:51.600 --> 00:58:55.040 and then I care about how you feel after the climax. 1102 00:58:55.040 --> 00:58:56.320 After you have the orgasm, 1103 00:58:56.320 --> 00:58:58.680 do you feel shame or do you feel satiated? 1104 00:58:58.680 --> 00:59:01.000 Do you feel connected or do you feel disconnected? 1105 00:59:01.000 --> 00:59:03.800 Do you feel loved or do you feel violated? 1106 00:59:06.680 --> 00:59:07.880 That's what's important. 1107 00:59:12.320 --> 00:59:13.800 I love it that you're all so quiet. 1108 00:59:13.800 --> 00:59:17.440 I know I talk a lot, but your faces are like very somber. 1109 00:59:17.440 --> 00:59:22.440 Okay, so virgins, it's great, 1110 00:59:23.560 --> 00:59:28.520 but you have to give it time to become great. 1111 00:59:30.120 --> 00:59:31.840 And that goes for all of you that haven't had sex 1112 00:59:31.840 --> 00:59:33.400 in a really, really, really long time 1113 00:59:33.400 --> 00:59:35.240 because you might as well be virgins. 1114 00:59:39.720 --> 00:59:40.960 And some of y'all wish you were. 1115 00:59:40.960 --> 00:59:43.240 You're like, ugh, I had some sex, Jackie, 1116 00:59:43.240 --> 00:59:44.880 but ugh, I wish I didn't. 1117 00:59:48.440 --> 00:59:52.440 All right, for all of you that have had sex, 1118 00:59:54.600 --> 00:59:56.280 I want you to raise your hand. 1119 00:59:56.280 --> 00:59:59.320 You were married or you just had sex, whatever, 1120 00:59:59.320 --> 01:00:00.320 and I'm not talking. 1121 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.300 not just once, but you had a sex life, 1122 01:00:03.300 --> 01:00:05.800 whether it was before Jesus or you were married to someone 1123 01:00:05.800 --> 01:00:07.680 or you had a living boyfriend or whatever. 1124 01:00:07.680 --> 01:00:09.040 I want you to raise your hand 1125 01:00:09.040 --> 01:00:12.200 if you've never had an orgasm. 1126 01:00:19.100 --> 01:00:21.080 Or rarely, or rarely had one. 1127 01:00:21.080 --> 01:00:24.100 Had trouble with that, had trouble with, 1128 01:00:24.100 --> 01:00:26.500 you know, sex just really wasn't fun for you. 1129 01:00:30.560 --> 01:00:31.400 Okay. 1130 01:00:32.720 --> 01:00:34.020 And so this is all for all of you 1131 01:00:34.020 --> 01:00:37.720 that have had sex that was unfulfilling. 1132 01:00:37.720 --> 01:00:39.720 And of course, emotionally and mentally, 1133 01:00:39.720 --> 01:00:40.760 it might've been unfulfilling 1134 01:00:40.760 --> 01:00:42.600 and that's why your body wasn't responding. 1135 01:00:42.600 --> 01:00:44.120 You don't really wanna have sex with people 1136 01:00:44.120 --> 01:00:45.940 that don't treat us right, right? 1137 01:00:45.940 --> 01:00:46.940 So that could be one thing. 1138 01:00:46.940 --> 01:00:48.500 But all of you that have never had sex, 1139 01:00:48.500 --> 01:00:50.720 all the people that said they were virgins in here, 1140 01:00:50.720 --> 01:00:53.640 I wanna let you know that you might not climax 1141 01:00:53.640 --> 01:00:57.000 or have an orgasm simply by intercourse. 1142 01:00:58.000 --> 01:01:01.640 The way that the female genitalia is situated, 1143 01:01:01.640 --> 01:01:06.400 a lot of women do not have a penetration orgasm, 1144 01:01:06.400 --> 01:01:09.120 meaning that hands off, 1145 01:01:09.120 --> 01:01:10.920 all you're doing is having intercourse, 1146 01:01:10.920 --> 01:01:14.900 penis and vagina, and you have an orgasm. 1147 01:01:16.360 --> 01:01:19.780 The majority of women do not orgasm that way, okay? 1148 01:01:19.780 --> 01:01:22.240 That means that foreplay is really essential, 1149 01:01:22.240 --> 01:01:23.640 whether that includes oral sex 1150 01:01:23.640 --> 01:01:25.680 or whether that includes masturbation. 1151 01:01:25.720 --> 01:01:28.860 And that's why it's important 1152 01:01:28.860 --> 01:01:30.680 as you're learning each other's bodies, 1153 01:01:30.680 --> 01:01:32.600 as you're in relationship, 1154 01:01:32.600 --> 01:01:34.840 that you're not afraid to touch yourself 1155 01:01:34.840 --> 01:01:38.400 when you're with him and see what things feel like 1156 01:01:38.400 --> 01:01:40.920 and what you like and what you don't like. 1157 01:01:40.920 --> 01:01:43.120 You might have to manually stimulate yourself 1158 01:01:43.120 --> 01:01:46.000 with your own fingers while you're having intercourse 1159 01:01:46.000 --> 01:01:47.280 in order to orgasm. 1160 01:01:48.360 --> 01:01:51.480 And then you can control your arousal 1161 01:01:51.480 --> 01:01:54.100 because you're the one that is controlling it 1162 01:01:54.100 --> 01:01:55.560 with that manual stimulation. 1163 01:01:56.400 --> 01:01:57.240 There's nothing wrong with that. 1164 01:01:57.240 --> 01:02:00.200 In fact, most women do some version of that 1165 01:02:00.200 --> 01:02:04.080 during intercourse because they simply are not going to, 1166 01:02:04.080 --> 01:02:07.520 you know, have that release simply from intercourse. 1167 01:02:07.520 --> 01:02:09.120 Am I, are you guys following me? 1168 01:02:13.160 --> 01:02:14.400 And for those of you that are older, 1169 01:02:14.400 --> 01:02:18.960 hormones are gonna play such a big role in this, all right? 1170 01:02:18.960 --> 01:02:23.380 Your testosterone is part of what causes you 1171 01:02:23.380 --> 01:02:27.580 to get sexually aroused and, or have an orgasm. 1172 01:02:28.540 --> 01:02:31.900 And so if it's low, and of course, estrogen and progesterone 1173 01:02:31.900 --> 01:02:35.140 play a role in that too, but your T is important as well. 1174 01:02:35.140 --> 01:02:38.500 We don't think of women as that being an important hormone 1175 01:02:38.500 --> 01:02:41.940 in our libido, but it is. 1176 01:02:41.940 --> 01:02:43.980 Now, for those of you ladies that are still 1177 01:02:43.980 --> 01:02:46.100 in your baby making years, you know, 1178 01:02:46.100 --> 01:02:49.320 when you're ovulating, you wanna have sex. 1179 01:02:50.720 --> 01:02:53.100 All those hormones are getting high 1180 01:02:53.820 --> 01:02:56.540 and that's when you're, you know, mostly, you know, 1181 01:02:56.540 --> 01:03:01.540 wanting to, what's it called, fertilize those eggs, right? 1182 01:03:06.580 --> 01:03:07.420 Yes? 1183 01:03:10.620 --> 01:03:12.860 We've got some good questions coming up in the chat. 1184 01:03:12.860 --> 01:03:17.020 One of them is, I appreciate how open this conversation is. 1185 01:03:17.020 --> 01:03:19.260 Any thoughts, views on exploring 1186 01:03:19.260 --> 01:03:21.860 the Kama Sutra in marriage? 1187 01:03:23.540 --> 01:03:26.780 I mean, the Kama Sutra is just about positions 1188 01:03:26.780 --> 01:03:28.260 as far as I know. 1189 01:03:28.260 --> 01:03:31.660 And so, you know, and this, once again, 1190 01:03:31.660 --> 01:03:34.220 as you're exploring what feels good to each other, 1191 01:03:34.220 --> 01:03:35.900 you know, there's more than the missionary position. 1192 01:03:35.900 --> 01:03:37.180 For those of you that don't wanna know what that is, 1193 01:03:37.180 --> 01:03:39.160 that's the man on top and you on your back, 1194 01:03:39.160 --> 01:03:41.340 and that's the least position 1195 01:03:41.340 --> 01:03:44.260 that you're gonna have an orgasm in, okay? 1196 01:03:44.260 --> 01:03:47.900 I really suggest changing into a lot of positions 1197 01:03:47.900 --> 01:03:52.060 in one session of sex. 1198 01:03:52.060 --> 01:03:53.220 You know, you could be on your back, 1199 01:03:53.220 --> 01:03:55.860 you could be on your side, you could be on your stomach, 1200 01:03:55.860 --> 01:03:57.620 you can be all different places. 1201 01:03:57.620 --> 01:03:59.460 What feels good to both of you? 1202 01:03:59.460 --> 01:04:00.300 Try it out. 1203 01:04:01.660 --> 01:04:03.660 Try it out and see. 1204 01:04:03.660 --> 01:04:05.220 You know, you don't have to start in one position 1205 01:04:05.220 --> 01:04:07.060 and stay in one position. 1206 01:04:07.060 --> 01:04:09.620 And it's important that you're communicating. 1207 01:04:09.620 --> 01:04:11.900 But as far as Kama Sutra is, you know, 1208 01:04:11.900 --> 01:04:13.140 I don't know a lot about it. 1209 01:04:13.140 --> 01:04:15.900 I've seen the book, I've heard people talk about it. 1210 01:04:15.900 --> 01:04:18.100 I think that it's about different positions 1211 01:04:18.100 --> 01:04:19.860 for different sexual fulfillment. 1212 01:04:19.860 --> 01:04:22.260 So if it's just about positions, 1213 01:04:22.260 --> 01:04:24.260 then I don't see anything wrong with it. 1214 01:04:27.260 --> 01:04:29.060 Obviously, I already talked about the anal thing. 1215 01:04:29.060 --> 01:04:30.260 What else we got, Renee? 1216 01:04:31.140 --> 01:04:31.980 Somebody mentioned- 1217 01:04:31.980 --> 01:04:34.260 Renee, what do you think about it? 1218 01:04:34.260 --> 01:04:35.100 What do I think about it? 1219 01:04:35.100 --> 01:04:35.940 I don't know anything. 1220 01:04:35.940 --> 01:04:38.860 I mean, only what I've seen on TV about it. 1221 01:04:38.860 --> 01:04:43.660 So, I mean, I think anything that's gonna open up dialogue 1222 01:04:43.660 --> 01:04:48.660 for you to be safe and kind, but asking for what you need. 1223 01:04:49.060 --> 01:04:52.660 And obviously, whether or not you have a sexual past, 1224 01:04:52.660 --> 01:04:55.420 if you are with somebody who has a sexual past, 1225 01:04:55.420 --> 01:04:57.140 he may be trying to do things 1226 01:04:57.140 --> 01:04:59.740 that the previous person said felt great. 1227 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.560 So you're going to have to redirect. 1228 01:05:01.560 --> 01:05:02.920 You're going to be like, eh, you know, 1229 01:05:02.920 --> 01:05:04.760 I don't really like that speed. 1230 01:05:04.760 --> 01:05:06.420 I don't really like it behind my ear. 1231 01:05:06.420 --> 01:05:07.640 Like, I don't really like that. 1232 01:05:07.640 --> 01:05:08.480 No. 1233 01:05:08.480 --> 01:05:11.600 And so it's funny because when I used to talk to adults, 1234 01:05:11.600 --> 01:05:13.760 I mean, teens at the pregnancy center, 1235 01:05:13.760 --> 01:05:14.920 they would come in pregnant, 1236 01:05:14.920 --> 01:05:16.920 but then I would have these blunt conversations. 1237 01:05:16.920 --> 01:05:17.800 I'm like, look at you guys. 1238 01:05:17.800 --> 01:05:19.640 Like, you can't even have the hard conversation, 1239 01:05:19.640 --> 01:05:20.720 but you've already had sex. 1240 01:05:20.720 --> 01:05:24.380 Like, sex is an adult decision with adult consequences. 1241 01:05:24.380 --> 01:05:27.520 And it takes two adults to have, to like go, 1242 01:05:27.520 --> 01:05:29.240 no softer, no harder. 1243 01:05:29.480 --> 01:05:31.960 Stop blowing up the chat with Kama Sutra stuff. 1244 01:05:31.960 --> 01:05:35.080 If it's some Hindu thing, then of course don't do it. 1245 01:05:35.080 --> 01:05:37.880 But I'm sure you can find some Christian book version 1246 01:05:37.880 --> 01:05:38.920 of it somewhere. 1247 01:05:38.920 --> 01:05:42.480 I'm sure someone wrote a book about positions in sex. 1248 01:05:42.480 --> 01:05:43.580 That's a Christian. 1249 01:05:43.580 --> 01:05:47.040 And so, you know, if the Kama Sutra thing is Hindu, 1250 01:05:47.040 --> 01:05:49.320 then of course you don't want to get involved with that. 1251 01:05:49.320 --> 01:05:51.880 So Renee, that's so good that, you know, people, 1252 01:05:51.880 --> 01:05:53.760 look, we shouldn't be having sex 1253 01:05:53.760 --> 01:05:55.860 if we're too embarrassed to talk about it. 1254 01:05:56.140 --> 01:05:57.220 Mm-hmm. 1255 01:05:57.220 --> 01:05:59.260 Right, if we're not mature enough to talk about sex, 1256 01:05:59.260 --> 01:06:02.260 then why are we having sex? 1257 01:06:02.260 --> 01:06:03.900 Okay, so what else do we have? 1258 01:06:07.060 --> 01:06:09.660 How do you have a healthy sexual relationship 1259 01:06:09.660 --> 01:06:11.760 after having an abusive one? 1260 01:06:13.860 --> 01:06:16.980 You gotta, you have to get healing, all right? 1261 01:06:16.980 --> 01:06:18.660 And that healing isn't just going to be 1262 01:06:18.660 --> 01:06:19.780 with just you and God, 1263 01:06:19.780 --> 01:06:20.940 that healing is going to be 1264 01:06:20.940 --> 01:06:23.100 within a safe sexual relationship. 1265 01:06:23.100 --> 01:06:25.500 Remember, hurt and family, healed and family, 1266 01:06:26.340 --> 01:06:27.460 hurt and relationship, healed and relationship. 1267 01:06:27.460 --> 01:06:30.280 Hurt in sex, healed in sex. 1268 01:06:33.700 --> 01:06:34.540 Yeah. 1269 01:06:34.540 --> 01:06:35.940 And that means you're going to have to communicate 1270 01:06:35.940 --> 01:06:38.060 to the person, like I communicate to my husband, 1271 01:06:38.060 --> 01:06:41.560 hey, I don't like oral sex because my grandfather abused me. 1272 01:06:41.560 --> 01:06:44.460 And when you do that to me, that's what it reminds me of. 1273 01:06:44.460 --> 01:06:46.100 And it doesn't make me feel good. 1274 01:06:47.860 --> 01:06:50.460 That causes a disconnect for me. 1275 01:06:50.460 --> 01:06:53.140 And so he was cool with that. 1276 01:06:53.140 --> 01:06:54.500 Even though he really enjoyed that, 1277 01:06:54.500 --> 01:06:56.380 and his former wife, she was married for years, 1278 01:06:56.380 --> 01:06:58.380 that was something that she really enjoyed 1279 01:06:58.380 --> 01:06:59.780 and he really enjoyed. 1280 01:06:59.780 --> 01:07:04.780 You guys, men, good men want to serve you in bed. 1281 01:07:07.260 --> 01:07:09.140 Good men are not going to all be about that. 1282 01:07:09.140 --> 01:07:12.420 They're going to be really aroused by your arousal. 1283 01:07:12.420 --> 01:07:15.620 So they're going to want, ooh, let's be light. 1284 01:07:15.620 --> 01:07:19.180 They're going to want to do things that you like 1285 01:07:19.180 --> 01:07:21.180 and that you want, okay? 1286 01:07:21.180 --> 01:07:23.340 And the more excited and aroused you are, 1287 01:07:23.340 --> 01:07:26.020 the more excited and aroused they're going to be. 1288 01:07:26.020 --> 01:07:27.860 Men that are generous lovers, 1289 01:07:27.860 --> 01:07:30.380 which you want to marry someone like that, right? 1290 01:07:30.380 --> 01:07:34.380 Okay, so don't be afraid to communicate 1291 01:07:34.380 --> 01:07:38.260 what bothers you or what triggers you. 1292 01:07:38.260 --> 01:07:40.940 And then of course, if it's just sex in general 1293 01:07:40.940 --> 01:07:44.500 that triggers you, then pray beforehand, pray together. 1294 01:07:44.500 --> 01:07:46.300 Of course, you're going to need therapy and counseling. 1295 01:07:46.300 --> 01:07:47.540 You need to do things on your own. 1296 01:07:47.540 --> 01:07:49.900 You do hard work, but when you're in the moment 1297 01:07:49.900 --> 01:07:54.900 with your husband, pray together before you have sex. 1298 01:07:54.980 --> 01:07:57.220 Ask God to bring peace in those areas, 1299 01:07:57.220 --> 01:07:58.620 shalom in those areas. 1300 01:07:58.620 --> 01:08:03.620 Ask him to help you to enjoy the touch of your spouse. 1301 01:08:03.620 --> 01:08:05.940 And there's all different types of things you can do. 1302 01:08:05.940 --> 01:08:07.940 And once again, it is a process. 1303 01:08:09.100 --> 01:08:11.700 And tipping on that point, you guys, 1304 01:08:11.700 --> 01:08:15.740 because we've been so trained to think that sex is dirty, 1305 01:08:15.740 --> 01:08:18.939 the fact, I used to say that when I talked to the kids, 1306 01:08:18.979 --> 01:08:21.300 God is not surprised by the orgasm. 1307 01:08:21.300 --> 01:08:23.740 So if you think he's turning a blind eye 1308 01:08:23.740 --> 01:08:26.220 when you're having sex, like, oh my gosh, 1309 01:08:26.220 --> 01:08:27.100 God doesn't want to see me. 1310 01:08:27.100 --> 01:08:30.260 No, if you're having happy, healthy, holy sex, 1311 01:08:30.260 --> 01:08:31.420 God is a part of it. 1312 01:08:31.420 --> 01:08:35.020 So if some of you just like swallowed a little vomit 1313 01:08:35.020 --> 01:08:37.899 when Jackie said to pray to God right before you have sex 1314 01:08:37.899 --> 01:08:41.340 because you're not used to those two co-mingling, 1315 01:08:41.340 --> 01:08:42.540 that's the whole point. 1316 01:08:42.540 --> 01:08:45.700 Like God created sex and it is a good and holy thing. 1317 01:08:45.700 --> 01:08:49.540 So even getting that around your brain 1318 01:08:49.540 --> 01:08:53.060 makes you realize that we've been thinking about sex 1319 01:08:53.060 --> 01:08:55.220 so differently than the way he intended it. 1320 01:08:55.220 --> 01:08:56.819 It's because of the curse. 1321 01:08:56.819 --> 01:08:58.899 And because so much of what we've learned 1322 01:08:58.899 --> 01:09:00.899 about sex is cursed. 1323 01:09:00.899 --> 01:09:03.939 It is not the way that God intended it. 1324 01:09:03.939 --> 01:09:06.660 Some of the best sex that David and I have ever had 1325 01:09:06.660 --> 01:09:09.020 is when we're connected, 1326 01:09:09.020 --> 01:09:11.500 we're looking in each other's eyes, 1327 01:09:11.500 --> 01:09:14.819 we're not disconnected, what I call porn sex, 1328 01:09:14.819 --> 01:09:16.580 where it's like just from behind 1329 01:09:16.580 --> 01:09:19.580 and it's all about just getting off and all the things. 1330 01:09:21.020 --> 01:09:22.939 There is an animalistic part of sex, 1331 01:09:22.939 --> 01:09:24.340 especially when you're super aroused, 1332 01:09:24.340 --> 01:09:27.060 your hormones are racing, all the different things. 1333 01:09:27.060 --> 01:09:28.500 But when you're really connected 1334 01:09:28.500 --> 01:09:31.420 and you're spending that time together before penetration, 1335 01:09:31.420 --> 01:09:33.100 you're loving on each other, 1336 01:09:33.100 --> 01:09:35.300 you're telling each other how much you love 1337 01:09:35.300 --> 01:09:37.460 and care about each other, you're making a connection, 1338 01:09:37.460 --> 01:09:41.340 you're looking in each other's eyes, that's very exciting. 1339 01:09:41.340 --> 01:09:43.140 I know it seems like it wouldn't be exciting 1340 01:09:43.180 --> 01:09:46.859 based on all the other really base carnal stuff 1341 01:09:46.859 --> 01:09:49.420 you can do sexually, but it is. 1342 01:09:49.420 --> 01:09:50.460 It is really exciting 1343 01:09:50.460 --> 01:09:52.460 and it's some of the most connected feeling 1344 01:09:52.460 --> 01:09:54.180 that you'll have with your spouse. 1345 01:09:56.220 --> 01:09:57.060 What else we got? 1346 01:09:58.460 --> 01:09:59.780 Somebody brought up... 1347 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.240 This is the one thing we do want to caution on masturbation, because obviously anything 1348 01:10:06.240 --> 01:10:07.920 can turn into an addiction. 1349 01:10:07.920 --> 01:10:13.920 And if masturbation just becomes self-glorification, obviously sexual union is about not just you 1350 01:10:13.920 --> 01:10:17.360 getting self-pleasure, but giving to the other person. 1351 01:10:17.360 --> 01:10:24.040 And so somebody mentioned on there, what if you could only have an orgasm with a dildo 1352 01:10:24.040 --> 01:10:28.700 because of the power, and like, oh, my hand can't go fast enough, and that would be my 1353 01:10:28.700 --> 01:10:29.700 only concern. 1354 01:10:29.700 --> 01:10:34.660 If you're only going to be able to get stimulated by the speed of a machine, then a guy's going 1355 01:10:34.660 --> 01:10:35.660 to have a hard... 1356 01:10:35.660 --> 01:10:37.660 Even a guy's going to have a hard time keeping up with that. 1357 01:10:37.660 --> 01:10:45.820 And so you really want to make sure that you're not becoming dependent on outside tools for 1358 01:10:45.820 --> 01:10:46.820 that. 1359 01:10:46.820 --> 01:10:52.540 So that's where it could eventually ruin your sexual encounter with your spouse if he can't 1360 01:10:52.540 --> 01:10:54.300 compete with the rabbit. 1361 01:10:55.300 --> 01:11:02.660 Vibrators and things like that, that is not what real human sex feels like. 1362 01:11:02.660 --> 01:11:04.060 It isn't. 1363 01:11:04.060 --> 01:11:11.900 So yeah, it's important that you understand that because if you don't, then you will probably 1364 01:11:11.900 --> 01:11:13.740 be disappointed. 1365 01:11:13.740 --> 01:11:24.100 And also, I know people say that size doesn't matter, but I will say that... 1366 01:11:24.100 --> 01:11:25.100 Hold on. 1367 01:11:25.100 --> 01:11:26.100 Can you guys hear me? 1368 01:11:26.100 --> 01:11:27.100 Okay. 1369 01:11:27.100 --> 01:11:32.620 I know people say that size doesn't matter, but if you are masturbating with what Renee 1370 01:11:32.620 --> 01:11:40.540 said, a dildo, and who knows how big or not big that is, that's not a good idea. 1371 01:11:40.540 --> 01:11:47.140 As someone who's been divorced and remarried, men's penis sizes are very different, and 1372 01:11:47.140 --> 01:11:53.420 if you're really gotten used to a certain type of thing with that, that could be bad. 1373 01:11:53.420 --> 01:11:55.220 And I've never really been... 1374 01:11:55.220 --> 01:11:56.220 Here's the thing. 1375 01:11:56.220 --> 01:11:58.740 It's important for me because I'm anti-religion. 1376 01:11:58.740 --> 01:12:01.500 I want us to have kingdom thoughts about sex. 1377 01:12:01.500 --> 01:12:06.180 It's important for me to say that masturbation in and of itself is not a sin. 1378 01:12:06.180 --> 01:12:08.540 That being said, I'm not team masturbation. 1379 01:12:08.540 --> 01:12:14.740 I'm not team masturbation at all, and the reason why is because of what Renee just said. 1380 01:12:14.740 --> 01:12:20.820 A lot of times what happens is when we're always pleasuring ourselves is that it becomes 1381 01:12:20.940 --> 01:12:26.580 a culture in our heart of self-pleasure, and there are going to be times when you have 1382 01:12:26.580 --> 01:12:30.820 sex when you don't feel like it because your spouse wants to have sex. 1383 01:12:30.820 --> 01:12:32.180 It's not going to be about you. 1384 01:12:32.180 --> 01:12:36.620 There'd be lots of times actually as a woman that your husband wants to have sex and you 1385 01:12:36.620 --> 01:12:41.420 don't want to have sex, but you're going to have sex with him because he really wants 1386 01:12:41.420 --> 01:12:42.420 that intimacy. 1387 01:12:42.420 --> 01:12:44.220 He's craving that intimacy with you. 1388 01:12:44.220 --> 01:12:50.580 Also, you're not always going to have an orgasm when you're having sex, and so if it's all 1389 01:12:51.340 --> 01:12:55.180 about you and getting off and your orgasm and all the things, if that's what sex gets 1390 01:12:55.180 --> 01:13:01.300 kind of correlated to in your mind, then that is going to, like Renee said, that's going 1391 01:13:01.300 --> 01:13:08.980 to cause you to, instead of it being about unity and oneness, it's going to be about 1392 01:13:08.980 --> 01:13:09.980 you. 1393 01:13:09.980 --> 01:13:10.980 So don't train yourself. 1394 01:13:10.980 --> 01:13:11.980 Don't train yourself. 1395 01:13:11.980 --> 01:13:20.060 I have another question for you. 1396 01:13:20.060 --> 01:13:26.500 How do you manage having a good sexual relationship and being like open and free if there's kids 1397 01:13:26.500 --> 01:13:27.500 involved? 1398 01:13:27.500 --> 01:13:31.660 And obviously you had children, so you might be able to speak well into that. 1399 01:13:31.660 --> 01:13:32.660 Yeah. 1400 01:13:32.660 --> 01:13:33.660 I had young children. 1401 01:13:33.660 --> 01:13:34.660 Sorry, you guys. 1402 01:13:34.660 --> 01:13:37.340 All these lights keep going off, so I'm in the dark now. 1403 01:13:37.340 --> 01:13:41.900 Our kids were six, nine, and 11 when we got married, and the good thing is is that we 1404 01:13:41.900 --> 01:13:45.780 had shared parenting, so there were at least two days a week that they weren't there. 1405 01:13:45.780 --> 01:13:50.540 Some days, three days, and some days, two days, and so there was definitely a sexual 1406 01:13:50.540 --> 01:13:54.300 marathon going on during the days when they weren't there. 1407 01:13:54.300 --> 01:13:59.860 There's also this little thing called afternoon delight, and so if he works close enough, 1408 01:13:59.860 --> 01:14:01.780 he can come home on his lunch break. 1409 01:14:01.780 --> 01:14:04.380 I don't want you to think that when you first get married, you're not going to be having 1410 01:14:04.380 --> 01:14:08.860 lots of sex because a lot of you will be, especially of those of you that are millennials 1411 01:14:08.860 --> 01:14:10.420 and all younger. 1412 01:14:10.420 --> 01:14:16.300 Your sex drives are going to be high, and let's talk about matching sex drives in just 1413 01:14:16.300 --> 01:14:21.140 a second, so put a pin in that, Renee, and let's talk about that, but you don't have 1414 01:14:21.140 --> 01:14:23.500 to have sex at nighttime. 1415 01:14:23.500 --> 01:14:27.260 There's no rule that says that sex has to happen in the dark at nighttime under the 1416 01:14:27.260 --> 01:14:28.260 covers. 1417 01:14:28.260 --> 01:14:31.620 You can have sex during the day. 1418 01:14:31.620 --> 01:14:33.020 You can have a little staycation. 1419 01:14:33.020 --> 01:14:34.020 You can get away. 1420 01:14:34.660 --> 01:14:38.900 There's all different ways that you can have sex during our Simbis, and a lot of you don't 1421 01:14:38.900 --> 01:14:39.900 know what Simbis is. 1422 01:14:39.900 --> 01:14:41.060 Save your marriage before it starts. 1423 01:14:41.060 --> 01:14:46.700 We have that premarital class for people who are seriously dating and or engaged, and we 1424 01:14:46.700 --> 01:14:53.260 cover sex extensively, but we also cover frequency of sex. 1425 01:14:53.260 --> 01:14:58.460 Both people say in their Simbis assessment, how much sex do they think they're going to 1426 01:14:58.460 --> 01:14:59.460 have when they get married? 1427 01:14:59.460 --> 01:14:59.460 1428 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.560 going to be once a day? 1429 01:15:01.560 --> 01:15:02.920 Is it going to be twice a day? 1430 01:15:02.920 --> 01:15:04.280 Is it going to be once a week? 1431 01:15:04.280 --> 01:15:07.400 Is it going to be two times a week? 1432 01:15:07.400 --> 01:15:10.240 And so usually, those people are on the same page. 1433 01:15:10.240 --> 01:15:13.000 Remember, they're taking their assessments separately, 1434 01:15:13.000 --> 01:15:15.040 so they don't know what each other are saying. 1435 01:15:15.040 --> 01:15:17.640 But I've rarely seen where the people are not 1436 01:15:17.640 --> 01:15:22.240 really close in their desire for frequency. 1437 01:15:22.240 --> 01:15:25.440 And so you're going to have to decide that 1438 01:15:25.440 --> 01:15:29.560 within your marriage, especially if you're older. 1439 01:15:29.560 --> 01:15:32.040 I'm just going to tell you, when you're in your 50s, 1440 01:15:32.040 --> 01:15:34.680 and my husband's in his 50s, I'm almost 50, 1441 01:15:34.680 --> 01:15:36.320 we don't have sex a lot. 1442 01:15:36.320 --> 01:15:39.480 We have a lot of other intimate moments where we're together, 1443 01:15:39.480 --> 01:15:41.360 where we're connecting. 1444 01:15:41.360 --> 01:15:43.600 But as far as intercourse is concerned, 1445 01:15:43.600 --> 01:15:46.240 I'd say maybe once a week. 1446 01:15:46.240 --> 01:15:49.880 And that might even be, once again, I'm in menopause. 1447 01:15:49.880 --> 01:15:50.800 I'm going through that. 1448 01:15:50.800 --> 01:15:54.120 I'm trying to figure that out right now. 1449 01:15:54.120 --> 01:15:56.360 But those of you that are that age that are just 1450 01:15:56.360 --> 01:15:58.280 getting married, newlyweds usually 1451 01:15:58.280 --> 01:16:00.720 have a higher frequency of sex, because you've 1452 01:16:00.720 --> 01:16:02.960 been waiting for this, right? 1453 01:16:02.960 --> 01:16:05.040 And so you're going to want to talk about that 1454 01:16:05.040 --> 01:16:07.160 as you get further in relationship 1455 01:16:07.160 --> 01:16:09.560 about what is that person's sexual expectations, 1456 01:16:09.560 --> 01:16:10.600 because that's important. 1457 01:16:16.480 --> 01:16:18.800 By the way, ladies, if you're dating some guy 1458 01:16:18.800 --> 01:16:21.000 and he wants to tell you how big his penis is, 1459 01:16:21.000 --> 01:16:23.640 because women in the past that he's been in a relationship 1460 01:16:23.640 --> 01:16:28.320 with thought that it was too big and that it hurt them, 1461 01:16:28.320 --> 01:16:29.560 get the hell out of here. 1462 01:16:29.560 --> 01:16:30.720 Seriously. 1463 01:16:30.720 --> 01:16:33.600 That's a bless him and block him type of situation. 1464 01:16:33.600 --> 01:16:35.040 I'm not kidding. 1465 01:16:35.040 --> 01:16:37.480 If a guy wants to tell you about his penis 1466 01:16:37.480 --> 01:16:39.480 when you just started dating him because he 1467 01:16:39.480 --> 01:16:41.960 wants to make sure that you're up for it, 1468 01:16:41.960 --> 01:16:44.560 that's a get out of here. 1469 01:16:44.560 --> 01:16:47.320 That's happened to at least three women in this group. 1470 01:16:47.320 --> 01:16:51.120 So I want to make sure that we talk about that real quick. 1471 01:16:51.120 --> 01:16:53.560 That is just code for, I want to show you 1472 01:16:53.560 --> 01:16:55.600 my penis, all right? 1473 01:16:55.600 --> 01:16:58.560 That's just code for, let's have sex. 1474 01:16:58.560 --> 01:16:59.360 And that's a no. 1475 01:17:05.200 --> 01:17:06.360 All right, do we have anything? 1476 01:17:06.360 --> 01:17:08.880 Yeah, well, we have a couple of more good questions. 1477 01:17:08.880 --> 01:17:10.840 Some of the women who've not had sex 1478 01:17:10.840 --> 01:17:15.480 and are waiting to get married, and so if we're not doing this, 1479 01:17:15.480 --> 01:17:17.640 how can they be sure men are going 1480 01:17:17.640 --> 01:17:20.000 to be kind and generous in the bed 1481 01:17:20.000 --> 01:17:23.160 if we've not practiced that with them ahead of time, 1482 01:17:23.160 --> 01:17:24.480 so to speak? 1483 01:17:24.480 --> 01:17:28.360 Well, is he kind and generous just in general? 1484 01:17:28.360 --> 01:17:30.280 However a man is in life, you guys, 1485 01:17:30.280 --> 01:17:31.680 sex doesn't start in the bedroom. 1486 01:17:31.680 --> 01:17:32.560 It starts in the kitchen. 1487 01:17:32.560 --> 01:17:33.760 It starts in the living room. 1488 01:17:33.760 --> 01:17:35.200 It starts out to dinner. 1489 01:17:35.200 --> 01:17:37.800 It starts everywhere. 1490 01:17:37.800 --> 01:17:39.800 Sex doesn't start in the bedroom. 1491 01:17:39.800 --> 01:17:41.480 I tell my husband this all the time. 1492 01:17:41.480 --> 01:17:44.320 Sometimes it's a long day, and then we go to bed, 1493 01:17:44.320 --> 01:17:46.000 and he's like, let's get it on. 1494 01:17:46.000 --> 01:17:47.440 And I'm like, yeah, sure. 1495 01:17:47.480 --> 01:17:56.360 But that foreplay needs to start not in here of kindness 1496 01:17:56.360 --> 01:17:59.200 and consideration and all. 1497 01:17:59.200 --> 01:18:02.320 There's no wham, bam, thank you, ma'am in our family. 1498 01:18:02.320 --> 01:18:07.480 So if a man is kind and considerate of your feelings, 1499 01:18:07.480 --> 01:18:10.600 if he likes to serve you and help you, 1500 01:18:10.600 --> 01:18:14.440 then chances are, unless he's got a porn problem, 1501 01:18:14.440 --> 01:18:17.000 chances are in the bedroom that is 1502 01:18:17.000 --> 01:18:18.440 going to cross over. 1503 01:18:18.440 --> 01:18:22.280 He's going to be gentle and kind and serving towards you. 1504 01:18:22.280 --> 01:18:25.520 It's very important that you know the man's relationship 1505 01:18:25.520 --> 01:18:27.600 with porn, whether he's ever seen it, 1506 01:18:27.600 --> 01:18:29.680 whether he was addicted to it, what's happening. 1507 01:18:29.680 --> 01:18:32.400 It's very important that you know those things 1508 01:18:32.400 --> 01:18:38.360 before you get into a marriage with that person. 1509 01:18:38.360 --> 01:18:40.200 You got to know that before you get into a marriage 1510 01:18:40.200 --> 01:18:42.200 with that person, because if that guy has not 1511 01:18:42.200 --> 01:18:46.480 done enough healing and therapy from seeing that type of stuff, 1512 01:18:46.480 --> 01:18:49.840 that definitely could bleed over into the bedroom, for sure. 1513 01:18:53.840 --> 01:18:54.760 It's not a deal breaker. 1514 01:18:54.760 --> 01:18:56.440 I want to make sure that I tell you that. 1515 01:18:56.440 --> 01:18:58.880 Most everyone has seen porn, so it's not a deal breaker. 1516 01:18:58.880 --> 01:18:59.880 But if you're dealing with someone 1517 01:18:59.880 --> 01:19:02.720 who had a porn addiction in the past, they're free from it. 1518 01:19:02.720 --> 01:19:03.920 They're in accountability. 1519 01:19:03.920 --> 01:19:05.120 They don't do that anymore. 1520 01:19:05.120 --> 01:19:05.920 That's great. 1521 01:19:05.920 --> 01:19:08.520 But it has affected them sexually. 1522 01:19:08.520 --> 01:19:10.480 And so want to know what kind of work 1523 01:19:10.480 --> 01:19:13.800 they've done around that so that when you are in bed together, 1524 01:19:13.800 --> 01:19:15.640 there's no missed expectations, and there's 1525 01:19:15.680 --> 01:19:20.120 nothing that happens that makes you feel uncomfortable or, 1526 01:19:20.120 --> 01:19:23.960 God forbid, used and degraded. 1527 01:19:23.960 --> 01:19:25.400 OK, go ahead. 1528 01:19:25.400 --> 01:19:28.320 All right, the next question, and you guys, I mean, 1529 01:19:28.320 --> 01:19:30.960 I'll be curious to hear how Jackie answers this. 1530 01:19:30.960 --> 01:19:34.360 Can you date men who would have had sex, 1531 01:19:34.360 --> 01:19:37.720 but because they are adoring you, they're like, OK, well, 1532 01:19:37.720 --> 01:19:40.480 I'll try the no sex thing because I really care about you. 1533 01:19:40.480 --> 01:19:42.640 Do you think that's a good idea or not? 1534 01:19:42.640 --> 01:19:44.520 Well, I mean, it depends on if they're Christians or not. 1535 01:19:44.520 --> 01:19:46.080 Because I'm going to tell you, there's 1536 01:19:46.080 --> 01:19:48.720 a lot of Christians out here that are having sex, OK? 1537 01:19:48.720 --> 01:19:51.240 And it's one of those things where back in the day, 1538 01:19:51.240 --> 01:19:53.760 all Christians thought that drinking was a sin. 1539 01:19:53.760 --> 01:19:55.800 They thought that sex before marriage was a sin. 1540 01:19:55.800 --> 01:19:57.240 They thought that blah, blah, blah. 1541 01:19:57.240 --> 01:19:58.680 You go down the list. 1542 01:19:58.680 --> 01:20:01.560 All Christians were pregnant. 1543 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.080 pretty much on the same page about that. 1544 01:20:02.080 --> 01:20:06.240 Now we have different camps of Christianity, right? 1545 01:20:06.240 --> 01:20:07.800 We have different camps of Christianity 1546 01:20:07.800 --> 01:20:08.640 where people are like, 1547 01:20:08.640 --> 01:20:10.640 well, as long as we're in a committed relationship 1548 01:20:10.640 --> 01:20:12.680 and we're really serious and we're headed towards marriage, 1549 01:20:12.680 --> 01:20:14.340 then we can have sex. 1550 01:20:14.340 --> 01:20:16.400 There's all kinds of hairs that are being split 1551 01:20:16.400 --> 01:20:18.720 in different ways with different things 1552 01:20:18.720 --> 01:20:20.520 that used to be absolute. 1553 01:20:21.960 --> 01:20:24.480 And so this person may not have been taught. 1554 01:20:24.480 --> 01:20:26.480 I'm gonna tell you guys, I visit a lot of churches 1555 01:20:26.480 --> 01:20:27.520 because I speak at churches 1556 01:20:27.520 --> 01:20:29.320 and I have conferences at churches. 1557 01:20:29.320 --> 01:20:33.600 And very few churches are actually teaching Bible studies 1558 01:20:33.600 --> 01:20:35.200 from the pulpit. 1559 01:20:35.200 --> 01:20:36.840 So you might be dealing with a guy 1560 01:20:36.840 --> 01:20:39.120 who's just never really been taught 1561 01:20:41.880 --> 01:20:46.380 the impact of sex, 1562 01:20:47.360 --> 01:20:51.020 never really been taught about it. 1563 01:20:52.080 --> 01:20:55.320 Okay, I was discipled by a very Bible teaching church 1564 01:20:55.320 --> 01:20:57.960 in my 20s and so I know a lot of the word of God. 1565 01:20:57.960 --> 01:21:00.320 Not all Christians really know what the word of God says 1566 01:21:00.320 --> 01:21:01.520 about different things. 1567 01:21:01.520 --> 01:21:04.280 And so my answer for this is that, 1568 01:21:04.280 --> 01:21:08.200 if this man shows a Christ following lifestyle, 1569 01:21:08.200 --> 01:21:11.280 but this is an area where it's kind of a gray area for him, 1570 01:21:11.280 --> 01:21:14.600 but he is willing to respect your boundaries, 1571 01:21:14.600 --> 01:21:16.440 I don't think that it's a deal breaker. 1572 01:21:16.440 --> 01:21:18.300 I think that it's important for you to see 1573 01:21:18.300 --> 01:21:21.840 what other things maybe you don't align on 1574 01:21:21.840 --> 01:21:24.080 as far as what you believe is black and white 1575 01:21:24.080 --> 01:21:26.040 and maybe what he thinks is gray. 1576 01:21:26.040 --> 01:21:28.760 So that's gonna be important thing for you to check out. 1577 01:21:32.560 --> 01:21:35.920 Someone asked, when is it the best time to find out 1578 01:21:35.920 --> 01:21:37.860 if he has a history with porn? 1579 01:21:40.280 --> 01:21:44.240 I wouldn't try to find that out until you think 1580 01:21:44.240 --> 01:21:47.000 that you actually might start dating this guy, 1581 01:21:47.000 --> 01:21:48.120 like dating him. 1582 01:21:51.720 --> 01:21:53.400 Now, if it comes up before then, 1583 01:21:54.400 --> 01:21:56.440 then the conversation is there. 1584 01:21:58.360 --> 01:21:59.760 No, it doesn't necessarily mean level three. 1585 01:21:59.760 --> 01:22:01.280 It means that you're going to date him. 1586 01:22:01.280 --> 01:22:03.440 You're gonna date him, date him. 1587 01:22:03.440 --> 01:22:08.440 Some people, it starts out romantic from the very beginning. 1588 01:22:10.440 --> 01:22:12.460 I know that we have all these like levels 1589 01:22:12.460 --> 01:22:14.080 and all the things, but let's just get honest. 1590 01:22:14.080 --> 01:22:16.960 Some of you guys, you're gonna get into a situation 1591 01:22:16.960 --> 01:22:18.960 that's gonna start romantic pretty quickly. 1592 01:22:18.960 --> 01:22:21.920 There's gonna be chemistry, there's gonna be kissing. 1593 01:22:21.920 --> 01:22:24.400 When that happens and you start actually seeing 1594 01:22:24.400 --> 01:22:26.600 this person regularly because you're already 1595 01:22:26.600 --> 01:22:28.680 romantically attracted to them, 1596 01:22:28.680 --> 01:22:31.280 that's when you're going to want to find out 1597 01:22:31.280 --> 01:22:33.160 what their relationship with porn is. 1598 01:22:33.160 --> 01:22:34.280 And that's what I ask guys 1599 01:22:34.280 --> 01:22:35.560 when I do discovery calls with them. 1600 01:22:35.560 --> 01:22:37.840 I just simply say, hey, tell me what your relationship 1601 01:22:37.840 --> 01:22:38.680 with porn is. 1602 01:22:40.160 --> 01:22:41.600 I don't ask them if they've ever seen it. 1603 01:22:41.600 --> 01:22:43.860 I don't ask them if they're currently looking at it. 1604 01:22:43.860 --> 01:22:46.700 I wanna know what their relationship with it is. 1605 01:22:46.700 --> 01:22:49.680 And usually that comes across a lot less 1606 01:22:52.280 --> 01:22:53.440 antagonistic. 1607 01:22:54.320 --> 01:22:58.240 And then they tell me, yo, I don't watch it at all. 1608 01:22:58.240 --> 01:22:59.720 Or I used to watch it in the past, 1609 01:22:59.720 --> 01:23:01.840 but I'm not watching it anymore. 1610 01:23:01.840 --> 01:23:03.760 Okay, if you're not watching it anymore, 1611 01:23:03.760 --> 01:23:06.080 how are you holding yourself accountable to that? 1612 01:23:08.120 --> 01:23:09.640 I used to have an addiction to it, 1613 01:23:09.640 --> 01:23:14.600 but I haven't looked at it in years, 1614 01:23:14.600 --> 01:23:16.000 but I used to be addicted to it. 1615 01:23:16.000 --> 01:23:18.800 So usually they're pretty forthcoming, just so you know. 1616 01:23:22.920 --> 01:23:27.920 Okay, a lot of you are mentioning that you have OBs 1617 01:23:28.760 --> 01:23:31.160 that are like, oh, you're old, it's gonna hurt. 1618 01:23:31.160 --> 01:23:32.640 You've had too much trauma. 1619 01:23:32.640 --> 01:23:35.800 Do not keep seeing an OB that's gonna let you think 1620 01:23:35.800 --> 01:23:38.120 that you're destined to painful bad sex 1621 01:23:38.120 --> 01:23:41.160 the rest of your life because of whatever trauma you've had 1622 01:23:41.160 --> 01:23:44.400 and or how old you are or whatever. 1623 01:23:44.400 --> 01:23:45.680 Find an OB. 1624 01:23:45.680 --> 01:23:48.240 We have a Facebook group in my county. 1625 01:23:48.240 --> 01:23:50.480 It's called Women of Williamson County. 1626 01:23:50.520 --> 01:23:54.600 Y'all, like these women, ask the most blunt questions. 1627 01:23:54.600 --> 01:23:56.480 And so it's like literally like, 1628 01:23:56.480 --> 01:24:00.400 hey, who has an OB that will help with this? 1629 01:24:00.400 --> 01:24:03.520 So if you are not in a Facebook group that does that, 1630 01:24:03.520 --> 01:24:05.000 start looking for that. 1631 01:24:05.000 --> 01:24:07.560 There's so many out there in your area. 1632 01:24:07.560 --> 01:24:09.080 Definitely find an OB. 1633 01:24:09.080 --> 01:24:10.760 As Jackie was talking about, 1634 01:24:10.760 --> 01:24:12.760 sometimes it's gonna have to be women 1635 01:24:12.760 --> 01:24:14.320 who are understanding women's bodies, 1636 01:24:14.320 --> 01:24:17.120 but that are specifically geared towards helping women 1637 01:24:17.120 --> 01:24:20.360 over the age of 45 and or with past. 1638 01:24:21.240 --> 01:24:24.040 Like you should not accept an OB that just says 1639 01:24:24.040 --> 01:24:25.960 that's just the way it's gonna be. 1640 01:24:25.960 --> 01:24:28.560 Do your research, find other options. 1641 01:24:28.560 --> 01:24:31.760 And so we all live in different states. 1642 01:24:31.760 --> 01:24:33.560 And so there's ways to find that out, 1643 01:24:33.560 --> 01:24:36.560 but literally all you have to do is start asking girlfriends. 1644 01:24:36.560 --> 01:24:38.120 You can even ask at a church event. 1645 01:24:38.120 --> 01:24:40.640 I promise you, women will be happy to start talking 1646 01:24:40.640 --> 01:24:42.480 very quickly about an OB they love. 1647 01:24:44.400 --> 01:24:45.240 Yeah. 1648 01:24:46.640 --> 01:24:48.160 Yeah, and you guys, 1649 01:24:48.160 --> 01:24:49.520 don't go on chemical birth control. 1650 01:24:49.520 --> 01:24:52.720 Hormonal chemical birth control, not for PCOS, 1651 01:24:52.720 --> 01:24:56.000 not to regulate your periods, not for acne. 1652 01:24:56.000 --> 01:24:59.080 Don't go on chemical birth control, all right? 1653 01:24:59.080 --> 01:25:00.200 It's not good for you. 1654 01:25:00.720 --> 01:25:01.560 It's not. 1655 01:25:03.520 --> 01:25:05.360 There's other ways. 1656 01:25:05.360 --> 01:25:07.340 Guys, times have moved ahead. 1657 01:25:07.340 --> 01:25:09.920 They've moved forward. 1658 01:25:09.920 --> 01:25:12.260 And so if you don't have a doctor 1659 01:25:12.260 --> 01:25:16.220 who's still doing things from the olden days, 1660 01:25:16.220 --> 01:25:18.620 because there's new information available. 1661 01:25:24.280 --> 01:25:25.120 All right. 1662 01:25:25.120 --> 01:25:29.720 And then the other question I see coming up, you guys, 1663 01:25:29.720 --> 01:25:31.720 a lot is like, yeah, it's hard. 1664 01:25:31.720 --> 01:25:34.320 Like, I used to say this to the young people all the time. 1665 01:25:34.320 --> 01:25:35.680 How do you guys not have sex? 1666 01:25:35.680 --> 01:25:38.520 Well, you know, if you're extra randy 1667 01:25:38.520 --> 01:25:40.040 or horny in a given night, 1668 01:25:40.040 --> 01:25:42.360 then maybe that's the night that you not hang out alone 1669 01:25:42.360 --> 01:25:44.600 in the apartment together or the home together. 1670 01:25:44.600 --> 01:25:46.600 Like, don't be stupid. 1671 01:25:46.600 --> 01:25:50.360 Like, do a lot of outdoor dates, do a lot of group dates. 1672 01:25:50.360 --> 01:25:52.000 But obviously you have to be an adult. 1673 01:25:52.000 --> 01:25:55.560 Like, you have to be able to sit on a couch next to them 1674 01:25:55.560 --> 01:25:56.800 and hang out with them. 1675 01:25:56.800 --> 01:26:00.740 Like, you can't ward off all private contact. 1676 01:26:00.740 --> 01:26:04.120 Like, if we can't control our bodies. 1677 01:26:04.120 --> 01:26:07.520 And one of the best things I heard from an instructor once 1678 01:26:07.520 --> 01:26:12.340 is abstinence single is the same muscle 1679 01:26:12.340 --> 01:26:13.960 for fidelity married. 1680 01:26:14.960 --> 01:26:19.000 And it's like, you still have to exercise self-restraint. 1681 01:26:19.000 --> 01:26:21.040 And so to think that if you suddenly get married 1682 01:26:21.040 --> 01:26:22.320 and you're never gonna be attracted 1683 01:26:22.320 --> 01:26:25.960 to anybody of the opposite sex that you see long enough, 1684 01:26:25.960 --> 01:26:28.480 you're upset with your husband or something like, 1685 01:26:28.480 --> 01:26:30.560 it's still self-control. 1686 01:26:30.560 --> 01:26:31.720 It's still self-control. 1687 01:26:31.720 --> 01:26:34.680 Fidelity, abstinence, it's still self-control. 1688 01:26:34.680 --> 01:26:37.400 So we have to learn how to exercise that muscle. 1689 01:26:37.400 --> 01:26:38.240 It's so true. 1690 01:26:38.240 --> 01:26:41.080 I mean, David and I were next door neighbors. 1691 01:26:41.080 --> 01:26:42.480 So much opportunity. 1692 01:26:42.480 --> 01:26:43.440 I mean, we, you know, 1693 01:26:43.440 --> 01:26:46.000 I even spent the night over his house all the time 1694 01:26:46.000 --> 01:26:47.440 and we still didn't have sex. 1695 01:26:47.440 --> 01:26:48.440 And here's the thing. 1696 01:26:48.440 --> 01:26:53.240 The thing is, is that if you don't want to have intercourse 1697 01:26:53.240 --> 01:26:56.200 with someone before you're married to them, then you won't. 1698 01:26:58.100 --> 01:27:00.300 If you've made that commitment and that decision, 1699 01:27:00.300 --> 01:27:03.520 then you've made that commitment and that decision. 1700 01:27:03.520 --> 01:27:05.560 It depends on how important it is to you. 1701 01:27:07.360 --> 01:27:09.000 I mean, we've had plenty of brides. 1702 01:27:09.000 --> 01:27:10.240 I'm just gonna be honest. 1703 01:27:10.240 --> 01:27:13.260 We've had plenty of brides and no judgment, 1704 01:27:13.260 --> 01:27:17.680 no shade in this community that have had success 1705 01:27:17.680 --> 01:27:19.080 and they're married now, 1706 01:27:19.080 --> 01:27:20.520 but they did not wait to the wedding night 1707 01:27:20.520 --> 01:27:21.560 to have intercourse. 1708 01:27:21.560 --> 01:27:24.560 They had sex before they got married. 1709 01:27:24.560 --> 01:27:25.680 You know, usually after the, 1710 01:27:25.680 --> 01:27:28.560 sometime after the engagement before the wedding. 1711 01:27:28.560 --> 01:27:29.400 They're married. 1712 01:27:30.400 --> 01:27:31.240 They made a decision. 1713 01:27:31.240 --> 01:27:32.640 We've already made a commitment to each other. 1714 01:27:32.640 --> 01:27:33.760 We're engaged. 1715 01:27:33.760 --> 01:27:37.000 Guys, covenants don't happen in courthouses and in churches. 1716 01:27:37.000 --> 01:27:40.120 Okay, covenants happen when you and that person before God 1717 01:27:40.120 --> 01:27:43.240 make a decision that you're gonna be together. 1718 01:27:43.240 --> 01:27:44.440 All right? 1719 01:27:44.440 --> 01:27:48.640 So, you know, I think that it's really great 1720 01:27:48.640 --> 01:27:51.000 to have witnesses to your marriage 1721 01:27:51.000 --> 01:27:52.680 so everyone knows that you're married, 1722 01:27:52.680 --> 01:27:54.960 but there are people who have those kind of 1723 01:27:54.960 --> 01:27:58.320 spiritual ceremonies just with them and their spouse and God 1724 01:27:58.320 --> 01:28:02.520 and you know what, I'm not going to judge any of it, 1725 01:28:02.520 --> 01:28:04.500 but I am gonna say this. 1726 01:28:04.500 --> 01:28:09.500 You will trust him more if he waits until you are his wife. 1727 01:28:14.640 --> 01:28:15.480 That I do know. 1728 01:28:18.080 --> 01:28:20.600 If he's willing to and he does. 1729 01:28:20.600 --> 01:28:22.760 It's one thing for someone to say I'm willing to wait 1730 01:28:22.760 --> 01:28:25.080 and it's another thing for someone to have behavior 1731 01:28:25.080 --> 01:28:29.760 that backs up that statement, right? 1732 01:28:29.760 --> 01:28:31.060 He's constantly trying to get you 1733 01:28:31.060 --> 01:28:32.500 into a compromising position, 1734 01:28:32.500 --> 01:28:35.160 even though he said that he respects your boundaries. 1735 01:28:36.880 --> 01:28:38.240 I'm not saying it's a deal breaker, 1736 01:28:38.240 --> 01:28:41.000 but I am saying that, you know, 1737 01:28:42.700 --> 01:28:44.200 what else is he gonna respect? 1738 01:28:44.960 --> 01:28:46.200 Your no in, in marriage. 1739 01:28:46.200 --> 01:28:48.520 What else isn't he gonna respect your no in? 1740 01:28:48.520 --> 01:28:51.560 It's important to respect each other's nos and boundaries. 1741 01:28:51.560 --> 01:28:54.900 We've had lots of couples that have traveled together, 1742 01:28:54.900 --> 01:28:56.960 stayed in the same hotel rooms, 1743 01:28:56.960 --> 01:28:59.680 maybe separate beds, like two queens in a hotel room, 1744 01:28:59.680 --> 01:29:00.960 but maybe sometimes the same bed 1745 01:29:00.960 --> 01:29:04.920 and still have not had sex until they got married. 1746 01:29:04.920 --> 01:29:06.040 It is possible. 1747 01:29:08.600 --> 01:29:09.600 It is possible. 1748 01:29:10.560 --> 01:29:14.480 So I guess what we wanna say, Renee, 1749 01:29:14.480 --> 01:29:18.180 is we wanna tell people, know your own limitations. 1750 01:29:18.180 --> 01:29:19.480 Know your own limitations. 1751 01:29:19.480 --> 01:29:20.960 We all have different limitations. 1752 01:29:20.960 --> 01:29:22.600 Know your own limitations. 1753 01:29:22.600 --> 01:29:26.840 Also know their limitations and don't cross those lines. 1754 01:29:26.840 --> 01:29:29.160 Don't cross those lines, okay? 1755 01:29:29.160 --> 01:29:30.720 If you know after two drinks, 1756 01:29:30.720 --> 01:29:34.480 you become like, woo, let's get it on. 1757 01:29:34.480 --> 01:29:36.080 If you know that that's you, 1758 01:29:36.080 --> 01:29:40.680 then don't have two drinks on the date, all right? 1759 01:29:40.680 --> 01:29:41.920 You're hanging from the chandelier 1760 01:29:41.920 --> 01:29:43.800 with your panties off after two dates, 1761 01:29:43.800 --> 01:29:46.560 then that's not what you wanna do. 1762 01:29:48.680 --> 01:29:49.980 Know your limitation. 1763 01:29:49.980 --> 01:29:52.080 If you don't drink like me, I don't drink. 1764 01:29:52.960 --> 01:29:55.120 If you're not a drinker, then, you know, 1765 01:29:55.120 --> 01:29:58.640 know that if he like, if he starts kissing your neck, 1766 01:29:58.640 --> 01:30:00.160 you know, oh, that's. 1767 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.220 the, that's the point of no return. 1768 01:30:02.220 --> 01:30:03.800 Okay. 1769 01:30:03.800 --> 01:30:08.520 If he starts, I had, I had a bride once that got married, 1770 01:30:08.520 --> 01:30:11.600 but I, she's like, everything's fine 1771 01:30:11.600 --> 01:30:13.020 unless they touched my back. 1772 01:30:13.020 --> 01:30:14.660 She's like, if they start touching my back 1773 01:30:14.660 --> 01:30:17.120 and rubbing my back, she's like, I can't control myself. 1774 01:30:17.120 --> 01:30:20.960 So know your triggers, know what it is that, you know, 1775 01:30:20.960 --> 01:30:24.240 really gets you to a place where you're like, don't stop. 1776 01:30:24.240 --> 01:30:25.880 Keep going. 1777 01:30:25.880 --> 01:30:29.420 Because obviously you want to know what those things are. 1778 01:30:30.920 --> 01:30:33.840 And if you don't know what those things are, 1779 01:30:33.840 --> 01:30:35.800 you'll probably find out pretty fast. 1780 01:30:38.000 --> 01:30:40.920 And you guys know that no matter what, 1781 01:30:40.920 --> 01:30:42.440 this is a safe place for you. 1782 01:30:42.440 --> 01:30:44.920 So no matter everything we've just said, 1783 01:30:44.920 --> 01:30:47.400 if you ever feel like, oh my gosh, I've crossed the line. 1784 01:30:47.400 --> 01:30:49.840 There's no way I can face Renee or Jackie. 1785 01:30:49.840 --> 01:30:53.760 No, please still come, please still show up in community. 1786 01:30:53.760 --> 01:30:56.120 This is all about perfect performance. 1787 01:30:56.120 --> 01:30:58.720 This is about heart intentions. 1788 01:30:58.720 --> 01:31:01.440 So we're not going to have a scorecard every Monday 1789 01:31:01.440 --> 01:31:03.440 and like ask you guys questions. 1790 01:31:03.440 --> 01:31:05.560 So please know that we're just giving you 1791 01:31:05.560 --> 01:31:07.200 best practices guidelines 1792 01:31:07.200 --> 01:31:09.660 that is going to keep you healthy and safe, 1793 01:31:09.660 --> 01:31:11.660 but that doesn't mean you're going to get shame or guilt 1794 01:31:11.660 --> 01:31:13.440 out of either one of us in this program. 1795 01:31:13.440 --> 01:31:15.280 So please never forget the heart. 1796 01:31:15.280 --> 01:31:16.720 We want you to enjoy sex. 1797 01:31:16.720 --> 01:31:17.740 That's why we're here. 1798 01:31:17.740 --> 01:31:18.920 We want you to enjoy it. 1799 01:31:18.920 --> 01:31:21.080 We want you to get excited about it. 1800 01:31:21.080 --> 01:31:24.320 And we want you to do it in a way that is going to, 1801 01:31:24.320 --> 01:31:26.800 you know, be healthy, spiritually, mentally, 1802 01:31:26.800 --> 01:31:29.120 emotionally, physically for you. 1803 01:31:29.120 --> 01:31:30.040 I will tell you, 1804 01:31:30.040 --> 01:31:32.840 those of you that get into level three relationships 1805 01:31:32.840 --> 01:31:34.920 and everything is going great and wonderful. 1806 01:31:34.920 --> 01:31:36.080 It's smooth sailing ahead. 1807 01:31:36.080 --> 01:31:38.160 You're so excited about the future together. 1808 01:31:38.160 --> 01:31:39.920 And then all of a sudden you're in my DMs 1809 01:31:39.920 --> 01:31:42.400 telling me that he broke up with you and you're devastated. 1810 01:31:42.400 --> 01:31:44.080 The very first question that I asked you is, 1811 01:31:44.080 --> 01:31:45.120 did you have sex? 1812 01:31:45.120 --> 01:31:48.120 And a hundred percent of the time you tell me yes. 1813 01:31:48.120 --> 01:31:50.260 Do not do it. 1814 01:31:52.200 --> 01:31:53.040 Don't do it. 1815 01:31:54.000 --> 01:31:56.020 It creates disconnection. 1816 01:31:56.020 --> 01:31:58.860 I'm not saying that those guys were using those women 1817 01:31:58.860 --> 01:32:00.300 and just trying to get them into a place 1818 01:32:00.300 --> 01:32:01.820 where they were going to have sex. 1819 01:32:01.820 --> 01:32:05.560 Those were committed level three courtships. 1820 01:32:05.560 --> 01:32:07.280 I think that disconnects happen 1821 01:32:07.280 --> 01:32:09.060 when we have sex outside of covenant. 1822 01:32:09.060 --> 01:32:10.460 I think that it does. 1823 01:32:10.460 --> 01:32:13.220 I think that there's a spiritual energetic shift 1824 01:32:13.220 --> 01:32:14.220 that happens. 1825 01:32:14.220 --> 01:32:16.700 And some people can overcome it and keep going forward 1826 01:32:16.700 --> 01:32:18.300 and some people can't. 1827 01:32:18.300 --> 01:32:20.700 And so I want to encourage you, 1828 01:32:20.700 --> 01:32:24.340 do not give in to that. 1829 01:32:25.340 --> 01:32:26.180 Okay? 1830 01:32:28.380 --> 01:32:31.740 My nanny would say, do not, do not, do not do it 1831 01:32:31.740 --> 01:32:33.260 because he will not buy the cow 1832 01:32:33.260 --> 01:32:34.900 if he can get the milk for free. 1833 01:32:34.900 --> 01:32:36.860 That's what my nanny would say to you 1834 01:32:36.860 --> 01:32:39.140 if she was alive on the earth. 1835 01:32:39.140 --> 01:32:39.980 And you know what? 1836 01:32:39.980 --> 01:32:42.460 There's a little bit of wisdom in those old timers things. 1837 01:32:42.460 --> 01:32:44.300 I know it makes us sound like we're cows, 1838 01:32:44.300 --> 01:32:45.180 which we don't like. 1839 01:32:45.180 --> 01:32:46.860 We don't want to be men's property. 1840 01:32:46.860 --> 01:32:49.220 And I know marriage used to be a financial transaction 1841 01:32:49.220 --> 01:32:52.140 back in the day, but there's some wisdom in that. 1842 01:32:52.180 --> 01:32:56.460 Men don't want what they can have easily. 1843 01:32:57.580 --> 01:32:58.420 They don't. 1844 01:32:58.420 --> 01:32:59.900 And even if they do love you 1845 01:32:59.900 --> 01:33:01.940 and even if they do want to be with you, 1846 01:33:01.940 --> 01:33:05.180 there's also something that happens in their mind 1847 01:33:05.180 --> 01:33:07.060 if you're willing to lay down with them 1848 01:33:07.060 --> 01:33:08.740 before they make you their wife. 1849 01:33:08.740 --> 01:33:09.580 Don't do it. 1850 01:33:14.020 --> 01:33:16.460 And if you do do it, we're here for you 1851 01:33:16.460 --> 01:33:17.300 because we love you. 1852 01:33:17.300 --> 01:33:19.500 Like Renee said, we're not going to judge you. 1853 01:33:20.020 --> 01:33:22.660 Y'all, I had lots of sex before I met Jesus. 1854 01:33:22.660 --> 01:33:24.500 And I was only 22 years old when I met Jesus. 1855 01:33:24.500 --> 01:33:26.180 And I had already had lots of sex. 1856 01:33:26.180 --> 01:33:27.020 Why? 1857 01:33:27.020 --> 01:33:28.300 Because I was sexually abused as a child 1858 01:33:28.300 --> 01:33:29.420 and that was turned on. 1859 01:33:29.420 --> 01:33:32.220 That switch was flipped. 1860 01:33:32.220 --> 01:33:35.700 And unfortunately it turned into a promiscuity. 1861 01:33:35.700 --> 01:33:36.940 Now is my body count, 1862 01:33:36.940 --> 01:33:38.460 that's what they call the kids call it. 1863 01:33:38.460 --> 01:33:41.420 Is my body account like a lot of other people's body counts? 1864 01:33:41.420 --> 01:33:43.660 No, it's still in the single digits. 1865 01:33:43.660 --> 01:33:44.820 Okay, still in the single digits. 1866 01:33:44.820 --> 01:33:46.460 But I consider that lots of sex 1867 01:33:46.460 --> 01:33:49.140 now that I'm in a monogamous relationship. 1868 01:33:49.820 --> 01:33:52.700 God protected me and gave me STDs. 1869 01:33:52.700 --> 01:33:55.460 Nothing bad happened to me in those ways. 1870 01:33:55.460 --> 01:33:58.900 But I know that that's not always what happens with people. 1871 01:33:58.900 --> 01:34:01.020 But there was a lot of shame associated with that 1872 01:34:01.020 --> 01:34:01.860 when I met Jesus. 1873 01:34:01.860 --> 01:34:04.100 And I realized that this isn't the way 1874 01:34:04.100 --> 01:34:05.580 God created me to live. 1875 01:34:05.580 --> 01:34:07.860 And so I really don't want you to feel that type of shame. 1876 01:34:07.860 --> 01:34:12.500 I really want you to save this and let it be sacred. 1877 01:34:12.500 --> 01:34:14.540 And if you do that, 1878 01:34:14.540 --> 01:34:16.980 I believe that you will be blessed in that way. 1879 01:34:16.980 --> 01:34:18.620 And if you haven't done that, 1880 01:34:19.100 --> 01:34:23.060 there's absolutely healing and there's freedom for you 1881 01:34:23.060 --> 01:34:27.740 and you have another chance to do it now. 1882 01:34:27.740 --> 01:34:29.580 So Father God, I thank you right now for tonight. 1883 01:34:29.580 --> 01:34:31.500 I thank you for each and every one of your daughters, 1884 01:34:31.500 --> 01:34:33.660 regardless of what their sexual history is, God, 1885 01:34:33.660 --> 01:34:35.220 regardless of what they've given into, 1886 01:34:35.220 --> 01:34:36.980 what's happened to them. 1887 01:34:36.980 --> 01:34:40.860 We ask God that you would just heal their hearts. 1888 01:34:40.860 --> 01:34:42.380 Heal their hearts, Lord. 1889 01:34:42.380 --> 01:34:44.780 Cleanse their minds of everything, Lord, 1890 01:34:44.780 --> 01:34:48.100 that would make them feel shame, 1891 01:34:48.100 --> 01:34:51.380 would make them feel afraid of this part of their life, Lord. 1892 01:34:51.380 --> 01:34:53.980 Help them to see that this is a beautiful blessing, God, 1893 01:34:53.980 --> 01:34:56.700 that you've given this as a vehicle of connection, 1894 01:34:56.700 --> 01:34:59.900 a vehicle of intimacy, a vehicle of oneness. 1895 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.520 their future spouse, I pray God that you would give them excitement for it, anticipation for it, 1896 01:35:05.520 --> 01:35:09.520 anything practically that they need to do to prepare for it, Lord, whether it's 1897 01:35:09.520 --> 01:35:13.520 seeing the doctor or hormones, God, or just doesn't matter what it is, whatever they have 1898 01:35:13.520 --> 01:35:17.600 to practically do to prepare for this time in their life, I pray that you would open doors, 1899 01:35:17.600 --> 01:35:22.000 that you would highlight things to them, that even after this conversation, Lord, whatever it is that 1900 01:35:22.000 --> 01:35:28.560 they feel stuck in, that they would begin to see information, send them human resources with 1901 01:35:28.560 --> 01:35:34.720 information to help them to get the wisdom and the knowledge that they need in order to 1902 01:35:34.720 --> 01:35:39.680 have an amazing and vibrant and holy sex life in Jesus name, amen. 1903 01:35:41.440 --> 01:35:45.040 All right, I hope you guys enjoyed tonight. It is available on replay. We love y'all. 1904 01:35:45.040 --> 01:35:49.280 Supernatural Saturday, and then we have our all prophetic night this Sunday night. 1905 01:35:50.080 --> 01:35:54.720 We're going to all prophecy, all the things you guys that have been in it, you know what it is. 1906 01:35:54.720 --> 01:35:57.840 And so we'll see you there on Sunday night at 8pm.