WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.540 All right, so welcome everyone to our joint path session. 2 00:00:03.540 --> 00:00:06.140 Every once in a while, we are going to have everyone 3 00:00:06.140 --> 00:00:08.380 come into one path together. 4 00:00:08.380 --> 00:00:11.020 If it is a topic that we feel it, you know, 5 00:00:11.020 --> 00:00:12.300 everyone needs to hear about, 6 00:00:12.300 --> 00:00:14.140 and this is one of those topics. 7 00:00:14.140 --> 00:00:15.260 Now I did a little poll. 8 00:00:15.260 --> 00:00:17.060 I didn't just do the poll in our communities, 9 00:00:17.060 --> 00:00:20.380 but I also did it on my social media to a larger audience 10 00:00:20.380 --> 00:00:24.540 asking people, do you have relationship anxiety? 11 00:00:24.540 --> 00:00:26.980 And that can be defined as a lot of different things. 12 00:00:26.980 --> 00:00:28.660 But do you have relationship anxiety 13 00:00:28.660 --> 00:00:31.420 as defined in, you're worried that 14 00:00:31.420 --> 00:00:33.820 you will pick incorrectly. 15 00:00:33.820 --> 00:00:36.100 You're worried about finding the one, 16 00:00:36.100 --> 00:00:38.980 and or every time you meet someone, 17 00:00:38.980 --> 00:00:42.780 you feel either that they aren't the one 18 00:00:42.780 --> 00:00:45.100 or that God is telling you no, 19 00:00:45.100 --> 00:00:48.420 when it comes to further relationship with that person. 20 00:00:48.420 --> 00:00:49.460 You're praying into it. 21 00:00:49.460 --> 00:00:51.300 Yeah, you know, is this the person? 22 00:00:51.300 --> 00:00:53.180 Should I continue to pursue this? 23 00:00:53.180 --> 00:00:54.220 Maybe your heart's in it. 24 00:00:54.220 --> 00:00:56.140 Maybe your heart's not quite in it. 25 00:00:56.140 --> 00:00:57.620 You don't wanna say no, 26 00:00:57.620 --> 00:00:59.180 and you really don't wanna say yes. 27 00:00:59.180 --> 00:01:01.020 You know, you're not hot, you're not cold, 28 00:01:01.020 --> 00:01:02.860 you're lukewarm, you're everywhere. 29 00:01:02.860 --> 00:01:05.940 And a lot of people said yes to these questions, 30 00:01:05.940 --> 00:01:08.180 to a variety of questions along the same lines. 31 00:01:08.180 --> 00:01:10.460 People said, yes, that's me, that's me. 32 00:01:10.460 --> 00:01:12.980 And so what we have to dig into is 33 00:01:12.980 --> 00:01:15.180 where is this relationship anxiety coming from 34 00:01:15.180 --> 00:01:17.400 and why do so many people have it? 35 00:01:18.540 --> 00:01:22.540 And this is gonna be a setup for next month path sessions, 36 00:01:22.540 --> 00:01:24.820 which are going to be on attachment style. 37 00:01:24.820 --> 00:01:26.220 Raise your little avatar hand 38 00:01:26.220 --> 00:01:28.020 if you've heard of attachment style. 39 00:01:32.260 --> 00:01:33.740 There's a lot of different schools of thought 40 00:01:33.740 --> 00:01:34.780 on attachment style. 41 00:01:34.780 --> 00:01:36.860 We're gonna come at attachment style next month. 42 00:01:36.860 --> 00:01:38.620 Remember, this is gonna be the precursor. 43 00:01:38.620 --> 00:01:39.780 This is gonna be the lead up 44 00:01:39.780 --> 00:01:42.160 into our attachment style discussions. 45 00:01:42.160 --> 00:01:45.780 There is gonna be a quiz that we are creating just for you 46 00:01:45.780 --> 00:01:48.180 to take so that you can figure out 47 00:01:48.180 --> 00:01:50.780 where you are right now with attachment style. 48 00:01:50.780 --> 00:01:53.500 Know where you have been in the past in relationships 49 00:01:53.500 --> 00:01:54.940 and where you might be in in the future. 50 00:01:54.940 --> 00:01:55.780 It doesn't really matter. 51 00:01:56.280 --> 00:01:57.380 You just wanna know where are you in the present 52 00:01:57.380 --> 00:01:58.940 with your attachment style? 53 00:01:58.940 --> 00:02:00.700 How do you approach relationship? 54 00:02:02.300 --> 00:02:05.220 What type of potential do you have 55 00:02:05.220 --> 00:02:07.180 to create secure attachment? 56 00:02:07.180 --> 00:02:10.139 And so just for the purpose of our discussion, 57 00:02:10.139 --> 00:02:12.100 which will be the first path of next month, 58 00:02:12.100 --> 00:02:14.740 it will also be an all community path session. 59 00:02:14.740 --> 00:02:16.100 You will be taking that quiz 60 00:02:16.100 --> 00:02:18.380 on attachment style beforehand. 61 00:02:18.380 --> 00:02:19.980 But for the purpose of our discussion, 62 00:02:19.980 --> 00:02:22.100 we're gonna talk about just four attachment styles. 63 00:02:22.100 --> 00:02:24.060 We're gonna talk about secure attachment, 64 00:02:24.060 --> 00:02:25.660 which we all wanna be able to get to, 65 00:02:26.540 --> 00:02:27.380 and even if you're not there, 66 00:02:27.380 --> 00:02:28.820 it doesn't mean that you can't get there. 67 00:02:28.820 --> 00:02:30.820 We're gonna talk about avoidant attachment style. 68 00:02:30.820 --> 00:02:32.860 We're gonna talk about anxious attachment style, 69 00:02:32.860 --> 00:02:35.020 and we're gonna talk about something called disordered 70 00:02:35.020 --> 00:02:37.100 or disorganized attachment style, 71 00:02:37.100 --> 00:02:40.020 which all that is is a combination of anxious or avoidant 72 00:02:40.020 --> 00:02:42.900 depending on the situation and the person 73 00:02:42.900 --> 00:02:45.100 that you're in relationship with. 74 00:02:45.100 --> 00:02:46.620 So we're gonna talk about all of those 75 00:02:46.620 --> 00:02:48.580 and we're gonna unpack those, 76 00:02:48.580 --> 00:02:50.300 and we're gonna find out where they come from. 77 00:02:50.300 --> 00:02:52.540 Could do a little hard work around our attachment styles 78 00:02:52.540 --> 00:02:55.020 because you didn't come out of the box like that. 79 00:02:55.100 --> 00:02:58.180 God created you for community. 80 00:02:58.180 --> 00:03:00.780 He created you for relationship. 81 00:03:00.780 --> 00:03:03.420 Jesus died to bring back what? 82 00:03:03.420 --> 00:03:04.660 The ministry of re. 83 00:03:04.660 --> 00:03:05.540 What does that include? 84 00:03:05.540 --> 00:03:08.420 Relationship. 85 00:03:08.420 --> 00:03:11.740 The curse divided us, but the cross reunites us. 86 00:03:11.740 --> 00:03:14.100 There's that word re again, reunites us. 87 00:03:14.100 --> 00:03:17.220 The curse divided us or disconnected us. 88 00:03:17.220 --> 00:03:20.300 The curse brought dis, disconnection, 89 00:03:20.300 --> 00:03:24.500 disillusion, disappointment, dis-ease, disease, 90 00:03:24.500 --> 00:03:27.980 all the dis words, and then the cross, what does it do? 91 00:03:27.980 --> 00:03:30.220 It brings reconciliation. 92 00:03:30.220 --> 00:03:32.100 It brings reunification. 93 00:03:32.100 --> 00:03:33.940 It brings relationship. 94 00:03:33.940 --> 00:03:36.420 It brings revival, right? 95 00:03:36.420 --> 00:03:38.220 We wanna live in the finished work of the cross, don't we? 96 00:03:38.220 --> 00:03:39.620 We wanna live in re. 97 00:03:39.620 --> 00:03:40.740 Who wants to live in re? 98 00:03:40.740 --> 00:03:41.980 I wanna live in re. 99 00:03:41.980 --> 00:03:43.860 In every area of our lives, we wanna live in re, 100 00:03:43.860 --> 00:03:45.620 and that includes in our relationships. 101 00:03:45.620 --> 00:03:47.380 And did you know that the only reason 102 00:03:47.380 --> 00:03:50.180 that you are here on earth is because of relationship? 103 00:03:50.180 --> 00:03:52.980 That's all God ever wanted was a family. 104 00:03:52.980 --> 00:03:56.220 So if we don't do relationship well, you guys, we fail. 105 00:03:56.220 --> 00:03:57.900 We flunked the test. 106 00:03:57.900 --> 00:03:59.420 We flunked this life. 107 00:03:59.420 --> 00:04:01.740 All this life is about is relationship. 108 00:04:01.740 --> 00:04:04.060 It's not about your bank account. 109 00:04:04.060 --> 00:04:05.700 It's not about how many trips you take 110 00:04:05.700 --> 00:04:07.500 and how many things you get to see. 111 00:04:07.500 --> 00:04:11.700 It's not about what kind of accolades or awards you get. 112 00:04:11.700 --> 00:04:14.380 All that stuff doesn't get to go to heaven with you. 113 00:04:14.380 --> 00:04:16.220 Do you know the only thing that's gonna be in heaven 114 00:04:16.220 --> 00:04:17.300 is people? 115 00:04:18.339 --> 00:04:19.180 People. 116 00:04:20.019 --> 00:04:22.100 The only thing that you're gonna have in heaven 117 00:04:22.100 --> 00:04:23.660 is relationship. 118 00:04:23.660 --> 00:04:25.820 Of course, there's gonna be the mysteries of the universe. 119 00:04:25.820 --> 00:04:27.340 You know, let's not forget that. 120 00:04:27.340 --> 00:04:30.060 But relationship is the only thing you're gonna take 121 00:04:30.060 --> 00:04:32.820 from this life to that life. 122 00:04:32.820 --> 00:04:34.620 All the other stuff that you spend all of your time 123 00:04:34.620 --> 00:04:37.180 and energy on, if it doesn't lead you 124 00:04:37.180 --> 00:04:40.860 to closer relationships, then it is a waste of your time. 125 00:04:40.860 --> 00:04:43.100 It is not an eternal pursuit. 126 00:04:43.100 --> 00:04:46.420 I want you to really think about that for a second. 127 00:04:46.420 --> 00:04:51.420 If it does not better your ability to attach to others, 128 00:04:51.900 --> 00:04:54.780 if it doesn't lead to richer and stronger 129 00:04:54.780 --> 00:04:59.780 and deeper relationship, then it's not an eternal pursuit. 130 00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:04.400 And that includes your relationship with God, yourself, 131 00:05:04.400 --> 00:05:05.880 and also others. 132 00:05:06.840 --> 00:05:09.280 And so everything that we do, all those trips you take, 133 00:05:09.280 --> 00:05:10.680 it doesn't matter if you take a trip 134 00:05:10.680 --> 00:05:12.400 and you see all the wonders of the world. 135 00:05:12.400 --> 00:05:14.000 Who did you take that trip with? 136 00:05:15.040 --> 00:05:17.640 What memories did you make on that trip? 137 00:05:17.640 --> 00:05:20.680 What relationships were strengthened on that trip 138 00:05:20.680 --> 00:05:22.580 because you spent that time together? 139 00:05:23.760 --> 00:05:27.200 Traveling the world, seeing God's great creation. 140 00:05:27.200 --> 00:05:29.160 That's what matters about that trip. 141 00:05:29.200 --> 00:05:31.480 Not that you got all those travel points 142 00:05:31.480 --> 00:05:35.000 or you got to cross a couple countries off the list 143 00:05:35.000 --> 00:05:37.420 or get some stamps on your passport. 144 00:05:37.420 --> 00:05:39.780 None of that stuff's eternal. 145 00:05:39.780 --> 00:05:42.800 But what happened in your heart on that trip 146 00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:46.200 because of being able to see the beauty of creation 147 00:05:46.200 --> 00:05:48.340 with the people that you love 148 00:05:48.340 --> 00:05:50.640 or maybe new people that you met, 149 00:05:50.640 --> 00:05:52.160 that's what matters, right? 150 00:05:55.080 --> 00:05:56.920 That's what matters. 151 00:05:56.920 --> 00:05:58.120 There was a famous prophet. 152 00:05:58.120 --> 00:05:59.720 He's gone on to heaven now. 153 00:05:59.720 --> 00:06:00.860 His name was Bob Jones. 154 00:06:00.860 --> 00:06:04.040 And all he said was is that he passed away, actually. 155 00:06:04.040 --> 00:06:05.320 He had an NDE. 156 00:06:05.320 --> 00:06:06.280 Everyone know what that is? 157 00:06:06.280 --> 00:06:08.440 It's called a near-death experience 158 00:06:08.440 --> 00:06:10.840 where he went to heaven, but then he came back. 159 00:06:12.200 --> 00:06:14.160 His time was not over yet. 160 00:06:14.160 --> 00:06:16.120 And he said that when he went to heaven, 161 00:06:16.120 --> 00:06:17.800 besides the other things that he saw, 162 00:06:17.800 --> 00:06:21.800 the one question that he was asked was, did you love well? 163 00:06:23.880 --> 00:06:25.360 Did you love well? 164 00:06:25.360 --> 00:06:27.080 So that was the question that he was left with 165 00:06:27.080 --> 00:06:29.480 when he came back from that situation. 166 00:06:29.480 --> 00:06:30.620 Did you love well? 167 00:06:32.040 --> 00:06:35.820 And I believe that that is really what we're here to do. 168 00:06:35.820 --> 00:06:40.820 We've been created by love, with love, for love, to love. 169 00:06:43.200 --> 00:06:44.560 I write that in all my books 170 00:06:44.560 --> 00:06:47.120 because that is the grand opus, 171 00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:51.660 the magnum opus of your life is did you love well? 172 00:06:51.660 --> 00:06:52.880 So Father God, we just thank you 173 00:06:52.880 --> 00:06:54.060 that we're able to come together, 174 00:06:54.060 --> 00:06:56.220 that you've placed us in each other's stories, 175 00:06:56.220 --> 00:06:59.040 you've written us in each other's stories for a purpose. 176 00:06:59.040 --> 00:07:01.100 We are here to grow in you. 177 00:07:01.100 --> 00:07:04.420 We're here to grow in the love that you are. 178 00:07:04.420 --> 00:07:06.300 You don't have love, you are love, 179 00:07:06.300 --> 00:07:08.780 and we're here to grow in you tonight. 180 00:07:08.780 --> 00:07:10.700 I pray that anything that's an obstacle, 181 00:07:10.700 --> 00:07:13.740 anything that's in the way of us understanding 182 00:07:13.740 --> 00:07:15.580 what we're here to do, 183 00:07:15.580 --> 00:07:18.180 for us understanding how we get to the next level 184 00:07:18.180 --> 00:07:20.900 of being able to attach to each other, 185 00:07:20.940 --> 00:07:22.660 to let each other in, 186 00:07:22.660 --> 00:07:25.860 to have deeper and richer relationship, 187 00:07:25.860 --> 00:07:27.980 to be able to show this world what it looks like 188 00:07:27.980 --> 00:07:30.500 to be a son and daughter of God, 189 00:07:30.500 --> 00:07:34.500 to operate in full reconciliation and restoration 190 00:07:34.500 --> 00:07:36.980 in relationship and in revival, 191 00:07:36.980 --> 00:07:39.220 we ask that you would reveal it and heal it, 192 00:07:39.220 --> 00:07:43.320 reveal it and heal it in Jesus name, amen. 193 00:07:43.320 --> 00:07:45.180 There's that other reword, right? 194 00:07:45.180 --> 00:07:46.020 All right. 195 00:07:47.020 --> 00:07:49.500 So my name is Jackie 196 00:07:49.500 --> 00:07:54.040 and I am a recovering avoidant attachment. 197 00:07:57.300 --> 00:07:59.860 And the reason why I was an avoidant attachment 198 00:07:59.860 --> 00:08:01.380 is because when I was a little girl, 199 00:08:01.380 --> 00:08:05.620 there were a lot of adults that from day to day, 200 00:08:05.620 --> 00:08:07.500 I didn't know if they were gonna be there 201 00:08:07.500 --> 00:08:10.540 or if they were going to want me to be there. 202 00:08:10.540 --> 00:08:13.940 And because of that instability in my childhood 203 00:08:14.020 --> 00:08:18.180 of people withdrawing and the abuse, 204 00:08:18.180 --> 00:08:21.220 a mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, 205 00:08:21.220 --> 00:08:25.520 relational, sexual, I never knew who to trust. 206 00:08:26.540 --> 00:08:29.300 You guys often hear me say that I came out of my womb, 207 00:08:29.300 --> 00:08:31.180 out of my mother's womb running for my life 208 00:08:31.180 --> 00:08:33.059 and it is a true story. 209 00:08:33.059 --> 00:08:36.860 And so I learned to be very independent. 210 00:08:36.860 --> 00:08:39.320 If I needed it, I would find a way to get it. 211 00:08:40.580 --> 00:08:42.340 I know this is gonna be shocking to all of you, 212 00:08:42.340 --> 00:08:45.080 but when I was young, I was a thief. 213 00:08:47.540 --> 00:08:49.580 The Bible says that when you come to know Jesus, 214 00:08:49.580 --> 00:08:51.820 if you were a thief, steal no more. 215 00:08:51.820 --> 00:08:52.660 And I will tell you, 216 00:08:52.660 --> 00:08:55.220 I'm probably one of the most honest people you'll ever meet. 217 00:08:55.220 --> 00:08:57.320 If I find something on my receipt, 218 00:08:57.320 --> 00:08:59.460 if I find something that's not on my receipt 219 00:08:59.460 --> 00:09:00.420 and didn't pay for it, 220 00:09:00.420 --> 00:09:01.780 I will make sure I go back to the store 221 00:09:01.780 --> 00:09:03.760 and let them know that I didn't pay for it 222 00:09:03.760 --> 00:09:04.920 and try to pay for it. 223 00:09:06.180 --> 00:09:07.140 There's been a couple of times 224 00:09:07.140 --> 00:09:08.180 when I've walked out of a store 225 00:09:08.180 --> 00:09:09.420 and made it all the way out to my car 226 00:09:09.420 --> 00:09:11.520 and realized there was something in my hand 227 00:09:11.560 --> 00:09:13.320 that I didn't put on the conveyor belt 228 00:09:13.320 --> 00:09:14.600 because I just had it in my hand 229 00:09:14.600 --> 00:09:16.320 and I was carrying it around. 230 00:09:16.320 --> 00:09:17.280 Have you ever done that? 231 00:09:17.280 --> 00:09:18.240 Like in a clothing store, 232 00:09:18.240 --> 00:09:19.820 you have something draped over your arm, 233 00:09:19.820 --> 00:09:21.120 you're thinking about it, 234 00:09:21.120 --> 00:09:23.080 and then you check out and they don't notice 235 00:09:23.080 --> 00:09:25.760 and you don't notice and you get outside, 236 00:09:25.760 --> 00:09:26.760 maybe even get all the way home, 237 00:09:26.760 --> 00:09:28.120 you're like, oh, wait, what the heck? 238 00:09:28.120 --> 00:09:29.360 What's going on? 239 00:09:29.360 --> 00:09:30.480 And then I'm the kind of person 240 00:09:30.480 --> 00:09:32.720 who will go back to the store 241 00:09:32.720 --> 00:09:34.120 and bring the thing in the store and say, 242 00:09:34.120 --> 00:09:36.320 oh, hey, by the way, I stole this accidentally. 243 00:09:36.320 --> 00:09:38.800 I took it, I wanna pay for it 244 00:09:39.320 --> 00:09:42.000 and or I really don't want it, 245 00:09:42.000 --> 00:09:43.520 so I'm returning it to you. 246 00:09:43.520 --> 00:09:45.280 So, but when I was young, 247 00:09:46.140 --> 00:09:47.880 because of neglect, 248 00:09:47.880 --> 00:09:50.640 because of the abuse that I was being raised in, 249 00:09:50.640 --> 00:09:54.120 I found ways, I was very resourceful 250 00:09:54.120 --> 00:09:57.040 and I found ways to get the things that I needed. 251 00:09:57.040 --> 00:09:59.280 And a lot of times that was just taking them. 252 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.520 just taking them from whoever had them. 253 00:10:02.520 --> 00:10:07.520 I remember as young as elementary school going in the, 254 00:10:07.560 --> 00:10:09.560 at the back of our room, I went to Catholic school, 255 00:10:09.560 --> 00:10:13.000 and at the back of our room, there was a false wall. 256 00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:13.840 Anybody else? 257 00:10:13.840 --> 00:10:15.360 And it was called the coat room. 258 00:10:15.360 --> 00:10:17.680 And you walk behind the false wall, 259 00:10:17.680 --> 00:10:19.800 and there was just a bunch of hooks, right? 260 00:10:19.800 --> 00:10:21.280 And then there was the real wall. 261 00:10:21.280 --> 00:10:22.920 So it was a fake wall, 262 00:10:22.920 --> 00:10:27.560 and then behind it was this tunnel of coat hooks 263 00:10:27.560 --> 00:10:29.360 and a shelf for your lunchboxes. 264 00:10:29.400 --> 00:10:30.760 And then there was the real wall 265 00:10:30.760 --> 00:10:33.000 or the end of the room there. 266 00:10:33.000 --> 00:10:34.520 So, you know, I would, 267 00:10:34.520 --> 00:10:36.000 when everyone went out of the room 268 00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:37.360 to go to recess or whatever, 269 00:10:37.360 --> 00:10:41.200 I would go to the coat room to get something. 270 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:42.320 And what I would really do 271 00:10:42.320 --> 00:10:44.040 is I would go through people's lunches 272 00:10:44.040 --> 00:10:47.600 and I would take things because I didn't have a lunch 273 00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:50.200 or I didn't have, you know, there wasn't anything, 274 00:10:50.200 --> 00:10:53.560 you know, we had two snack periods and then a lunch. 275 00:10:53.560 --> 00:10:56.000 And a lot of times whatever was in my bag 276 00:10:56.000 --> 00:10:58.200 was just something that was just leftover 277 00:10:58.200 --> 00:10:59.560 and something that was there. 278 00:10:59.560 --> 00:11:01.440 And I never really had a lot. 279 00:11:01.440 --> 00:11:05.080 And what I would do also is I would forget my lunch 280 00:11:05.080 --> 00:11:07.680 and then, you know, play on the mercies 281 00:11:07.680 --> 00:11:10.000 of the lunch lady land 282 00:11:10.000 --> 00:11:11.960 so that she would give me, you know, 283 00:11:11.960 --> 00:11:14.280 some pizza or some tater tots 284 00:11:14.280 --> 00:11:16.600 or whatever there was for lunch. 285 00:11:16.600 --> 00:11:17.440 What is that? 286 00:11:17.440 --> 00:11:18.440 That's a survival. 287 00:11:18.440 --> 00:11:21.200 That's a survival instinct, right? 288 00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:24.200 And so I think you guys kind of get a picture 289 00:11:24.200 --> 00:11:27.040 of where some avoidant attachment can come from. 290 00:11:27.040 --> 00:11:28.640 If you can't trust people 291 00:11:28.640 --> 00:11:31.160 and you're not really sure who's good and who's not, 292 00:11:31.160 --> 00:11:33.440 and maybe in the past you've trusted people 293 00:11:33.440 --> 00:11:34.840 and they turned out not to be the people 294 00:11:34.840 --> 00:11:35.960 that you should trust, 295 00:11:35.960 --> 00:11:37.040 that could cause you, 296 00:11:37.040 --> 00:11:39.360 even if you really wanna let people in, 297 00:11:39.360 --> 00:11:43.080 to not really be able to get there with that, right? 298 00:11:43.080 --> 00:11:45.200 And then there's anxious attachment 299 00:11:45.200 --> 00:11:50.040 where this can happen also as a result of neglect, okay? 300 00:11:50.040 --> 00:11:51.280 And that is where, you know, 301 00:11:51.280 --> 00:11:53.640 you're constantly begging people to love you. 302 00:11:53.640 --> 00:11:55.280 You're constantly trying to figure out 303 00:11:55.280 --> 00:11:57.760 what you did wrong for people to reject you. 304 00:11:57.760 --> 00:11:59.520 You become a people pleaser. 305 00:11:59.520 --> 00:12:01.560 You're smothering people all the time, 306 00:12:01.560 --> 00:12:04.560 whether it's friendships or romantic relationships. 307 00:12:04.560 --> 00:12:05.560 You know, always wondering 308 00:12:05.560 --> 00:12:06.960 if they haven't called you in an hour, 309 00:12:06.960 --> 00:12:08.800 like, oh, they don't like me anymore. 310 00:12:08.800 --> 00:12:12.880 You know, all kinds of different anxious type of behaviors 311 00:12:12.880 --> 00:12:14.880 because you're afraid of abandonment. 312 00:12:14.880 --> 00:12:15.800 Same thing. 313 00:12:15.800 --> 00:12:18.480 Both of them stem from the same type of fear, 314 00:12:18.480 --> 00:12:20.280 fear of abandonment, right? 315 00:12:21.200 --> 00:12:24.160 And then of course, disorganized attachment would be the, 316 00:12:24.160 --> 00:12:26.600 and we're gonna get into this in our first path session. 317 00:12:26.600 --> 00:12:28.080 We'll like dig deep into it, 318 00:12:28.080 --> 00:12:30.040 but I want you to start thinking about it. 319 00:12:30.040 --> 00:12:33.160 And then disorganized or disordered attachment 320 00:12:33.160 --> 00:12:35.520 would be just a version of both of those. 321 00:12:35.520 --> 00:12:37.080 You just go from one polar to an X. 322 00:12:37.080 --> 00:12:38.560 Sometimes you're anxious. 323 00:12:38.560 --> 00:12:40.600 And then maybe when you finally win that love 324 00:12:40.600 --> 00:12:42.840 or the affection or the attention of that person, 325 00:12:42.840 --> 00:12:43.800 then you become avoidant. 326 00:12:43.800 --> 00:12:46.280 Now you're not really sure if you want them. 327 00:12:46.280 --> 00:12:47.840 You want them, want them, want them. 328 00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:48.920 And then when you get them, you're like, 329 00:12:48.920 --> 00:12:53.000 eh, maybe I don't want you, you know? 330 00:12:53.000 --> 00:12:55.880 And then of course, secure attachment is when, 331 00:12:55.880 --> 00:12:58.000 you know, we don't feel anxious in relationship. 332 00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:00.280 We understand that, you know, 333 00:13:01.640 --> 00:13:03.760 that if this is for us, 334 00:13:03.760 --> 00:13:06.000 then it's going to continue to grow. 335 00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:08.320 You know, we trust God, we trust ourselves, 336 00:13:08.320 --> 00:13:10.200 we trust our own judgment. 337 00:13:10.200 --> 00:13:11.720 We trust other people. 338 00:13:11.720 --> 00:13:13.840 We know that other people will make mistakes 339 00:13:13.840 --> 00:13:15.000 and they won't be perfect, 340 00:13:15.000 --> 00:13:17.160 but we also believe that, you know, 341 00:13:17.160 --> 00:13:19.920 that intrinsically there's enough good in that person 342 00:13:19.920 --> 00:13:22.760 that we can go ahead and trust what they're doing 343 00:13:23.520 --> 00:13:24.600 and what they're saying. 344 00:13:24.600 --> 00:13:26.840 And then there's a lot more to all of that. 345 00:13:26.840 --> 00:13:29.400 But I just want to give you a little tiny overview of that 346 00:13:29.400 --> 00:13:31.200 so you can begin to be thinking about that. 347 00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:33.200 We are going to give you a quiz 348 00:13:33.200 --> 00:13:35.360 so that you can hear more about that. 349 00:13:35.360 --> 00:13:37.040 But what I want to dive into tonight 350 00:13:37.040 --> 00:13:41.120 to be like the prerequisite to that teaching 351 00:13:41.120 --> 00:13:41.960 that we're going to do. 352 00:13:41.960 --> 00:13:43.000 And you guys, we're going to have a lot of, 353 00:13:43.000 --> 00:13:43.840 we're going to talk tonight. 354 00:13:43.840 --> 00:13:45.040 We're going to have some Q and A. 355 00:13:45.040 --> 00:13:47.240 I want you to get really honest with yourself, 356 00:13:47.240 --> 00:13:49.280 with God, with each other. 357 00:13:49.280 --> 00:13:51.440 James 5, 16, we're going to confess our faults 358 00:13:51.480 --> 00:13:54.680 and be healed, confess our weaknesses in here tonight. 359 00:13:54.680 --> 00:13:58.600 But we're going to talk about relationship anxiety. 360 00:13:58.600 --> 00:14:01.320 Relationship anxiety, right? 361 00:14:01.320 --> 00:14:03.160 We've been created for relationship. 362 00:14:03.160 --> 00:14:05.800 So relationship is a by-product of love. 363 00:14:05.800 --> 00:14:09.720 And anxiety, or just a fancy word for fear, right? 364 00:14:09.720 --> 00:14:13.200 It's the antithesis or the opposite of love. 365 00:14:13.200 --> 00:14:15.120 And so when you put those words together, 366 00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:17.840 that's a phrase that should never be uttered, 367 00:14:17.840 --> 00:14:19.560 relationship anxiety. 368 00:14:20.560 --> 00:14:22.560 Because we're talking about love and fear 369 00:14:22.560 --> 00:14:23.560 in the same sentence. 370 00:14:23.560 --> 00:14:24.520 You guys see that? 371 00:14:25.400 --> 00:14:27.400 And so we already know that it's not natural, is it? 372 00:14:27.400 --> 00:14:31.040 It's unnatural to have relationship anxiety, isn't it? 373 00:14:31.040 --> 00:14:32.720 It's not your natural state. 374 00:14:32.720 --> 00:14:34.280 God has not given us the spirit of fear, 375 00:14:34.280 --> 00:14:38.200 but of love and of power and of a sound mind. 376 00:14:39.760 --> 00:14:42.000 A disciplined mind that comes into agreement 377 00:14:42.000 --> 00:14:44.360 with the word of God is what sound mind means. 378 00:14:45.360 --> 00:14:50.360 A mind that adheres to the law of love. 379 00:14:51.520 --> 00:14:53.280 That is what that is talking about. 380 00:14:55.040 --> 00:14:56.080 Y'all here? 381 00:14:56.080 --> 00:14:57.320 You here with me tonight? 382 00:14:59.800 --> 00:15:00.640 Okay. 383 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:02.480 Okay, we're going to talk, we're going to have a discussion. 384 00:15:02.480 --> 00:15:05.120 I'm going to lay down a few things here 385 00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:08.040 and then we're going to talk about it, okay? 386 00:15:08.040 --> 00:15:11.480 So relationship anxiety finds itself rooted 387 00:15:11.480 --> 00:15:13.560 in a lot of different things, 388 00:15:13.560 --> 00:15:14.840 but we're going to touch on just a few 389 00:15:14.840 --> 00:15:17.920 of those things tonight, okay? 390 00:15:17.920 --> 00:15:19.700 Here's some language of anxiety, 391 00:15:19.700 --> 00:15:23.180 the language of relationship anxiety. 392 00:15:24.400 --> 00:15:27.900 I don't trust myself, I don't trust you. 393 00:15:30.520 --> 00:15:32.560 A lot of times when people get into a relationship 394 00:15:32.560 --> 00:15:33.720 and they start to have anxiety, 395 00:15:33.720 --> 00:15:35.760 they'll say things like, I can't do this. 396 00:15:36.640 --> 00:15:39.040 I'm not sure, I'm not ready. 397 00:15:40.320 --> 00:15:43.760 I don't know if I'm feeling what I'm supposed to feel. 398 00:15:43.760 --> 00:15:45.280 Any of this sound familiar? 399 00:15:47.240 --> 00:15:49.140 Go ahead and put some more in the chat. 400 00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:25.000 All right, look at those, those are all really good. 401 00:16:25.000 --> 00:16:25.840 Really good. 402 00:16:28.720 --> 00:16:30.760 And let's just talk about the elephant 403 00:16:30.760 --> 00:16:31.920 in the room for a second, 404 00:16:31.920 --> 00:16:34.680 especially when it comes to Christian relationship 405 00:16:34.680 --> 00:16:35.680 and especially when it comes 406 00:16:35.680 --> 00:16:38.520 to Christian romantic relationship. 407 00:16:38.520 --> 00:16:40.760 Who's ever heard this phrase? 408 00:16:40.760 --> 00:16:42.320 When you know, you know. 409 00:16:44.600 --> 00:16:45.560 Come on, y'all. 410 00:16:47.300 --> 00:16:48.660 When you know, you know. 411 00:16:51.520 --> 00:16:53.260 And sometimes it sounds like this. 412 00:16:54.260 --> 00:16:55.500 You will just know. 413 00:16:56.460 --> 00:17:00.340 Oh, you'll just know, right? 414 00:17:00.340 --> 00:17:01.860 Well, what if you never know? 415 00:17:03.660 --> 00:17:06.660 You know, what if you never have that feeling 416 00:17:06.660 --> 00:17:08.060 because it's talking about a feeling? 417 00:17:08.060 --> 00:17:10.300 Oh, you'll know, you'll know. 418 00:17:10.300 --> 00:17:13.020 You know, you'll just know, right? 419 00:17:13.020 --> 00:17:14.740 And that's not helpful. 420 00:17:14.740 --> 00:17:16.140 It's not helpful. 421 00:17:16.140 --> 00:17:18.500 Especially if you've had, you know, 422 00:17:18.500 --> 00:17:20.420 some disordered attachment. 423 00:17:20.420 --> 00:17:22.819 You've had some anxious or avoidant attachment. 424 00:17:23.339 --> 00:17:24.980 You've had some bad relationships. 425 00:17:25.740 --> 00:17:29.300 It's especially not helpful if you've been married before 426 00:17:29.300 --> 00:17:32.420 and you thought you knew, but apparently you didn't. 427 00:17:33.540 --> 00:17:37.100 Cause now you're divorced, right? 428 00:17:37.100 --> 00:17:38.620 Now you don't trust anything. 429 00:17:38.620 --> 00:17:42.220 Cause you're like, oh, well, 430 00:17:42.220 --> 00:17:44.600 I was pretty sure that it was God back then, 431 00:17:44.600 --> 00:17:49.020 but then look at it now, right? 432 00:17:49.020 --> 00:17:50.220 And that just becomes what? 433 00:17:50.220 --> 00:17:51.740 That becomes a dumpster fire 434 00:17:51.740 --> 00:17:53.860 of just anxiety. 435 00:17:55.540 --> 00:17:57.180 Cause we don't trust ourselves. 436 00:17:57.180 --> 00:17:59.060 Cause we thought we knew before 437 00:17:59.060 --> 00:18:03.100 and we certainly are thinking or rethinking that now. 438 00:18:05.260 --> 00:18:06.860 Right? 439 00:18:06.860 --> 00:18:08.620 Okay, you can put your hands down. 440 00:18:10.980 --> 00:18:13.500 So it comes down to this. 441 00:18:13.500 --> 00:18:14.820 It's not about a feeling. 442 00:18:16.100 --> 00:18:17.260 It's about a choice. 443 00:18:19.100 --> 00:18:21.060 And a lot of us have chosen wrong in the past 444 00:18:21.060 --> 00:18:23.100 because we've been choosing things 445 00:18:23.100 --> 00:18:26.380 based on a lot of broken information, right? 446 00:18:26.380 --> 00:18:28.260 Broken hearted information. 447 00:18:30.900 --> 00:18:32.300 But love is not a feeling. 448 00:18:32.300 --> 00:18:34.900 It is an action and it is a choice. 449 00:18:34.900 --> 00:18:36.500 We have to get rid of tonight. 450 00:18:36.500 --> 00:18:39.580 I want you to surrender the idea of the one. 451 00:18:39.580 --> 00:18:41.180 Are you willing to do that? 452 00:18:41.180 --> 00:18:45.700 Surrender the idea of the one for you. 453 00:18:45.700 --> 00:18:46.940 The one for you. 454 00:18:47.540 --> 00:18:52.380 Surrender the idea of the one for you, okay? 455 00:18:52.380 --> 00:18:57.300 And the reason why is because the one doesn't exist. 456 00:19:00.740 --> 00:19:01.620 It really doesn't. 457 00:19:01.620 --> 00:19:03.860 The one does not exist. 458 00:19:06.260 --> 00:19:08.660 So we have to let go of that idea. 459 00:19:08.660 --> 00:19:10.180 You guys, I just want to let you know 460 00:19:10.180 --> 00:19:14.660 that that idea actually came from modern media. 461 00:19:15.660 --> 00:19:17.460 That's where it came from. 462 00:19:17.460 --> 00:19:19.260 It came from rom-coms. 463 00:19:19.260 --> 00:19:20.500 It came from Disney. 464 00:19:20.500 --> 00:19:24.940 It came from, you know, love novels. 465 00:19:25.820 --> 00:19:27.380 That's where that idea came from. 466 00:19:27.380 --> 00:19:32.420 That kismet kind of idea, that destiny kind of idea. 467 00:19:32.420 --> 00:19:33.820 That's where that came from. 468 00:19:35.180 --> 00:19:36.660 Do you know in the olden days 469 00:19:36.660 --> 00:19:38.580 that people didn't even marry for love 470 00:19:38.580 --> 00:19:40.180 until the turn of the century? 471 00:19:41.780 --> 00:19:43.740 They didn't even marry for love. 472 00:19:43.780 --> 00:19:47.940 And I will tell you that a lot of your, 473 00:19:49.340 --> 00:19:53.260 a lot of the arranged marriages, okay? 474 00:19:53.260 --> 00:19:56.940 A lot of the arranged marriages actually weren't that bad. 475 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:07.000 They weren't. 476 00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:29.000 Okay, people had good relationships with people that they had this idea of partnership with. 477 00:20:29.000 --> 00:20:37.000 And they were coming into the marriage with different expectations of what marriage was about. 478 00:20:37.000 --> 00:20:50.000 I'm going to say something tonight and I don't want this to hurt your feelings and I hope that it doesn't discourage you, but we have romanticized marriage. 479 00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:55.000 We have romanticized it. 480 00:20:55.000 --> 00:21:03.000 Right? And I don't want you guys, you know, you don't need to be in the comments talking about, you know, your situations or anything like that. 481 00:21:03.000 --> 00:21:10.000 Let's just focus on what God is trying to talk to us tonight about relationship anxiety. 482 00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:18.000 And because we've romanticized marriage, it becomes about a feeling. 483 00:21:19.000 --> 00:21:34.000 And then that's when we get all twisted up because we're really not sure if we have that feeling or not, or if the feelings that we have are healthy or not towards that person. 484 00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:41.000 So, you know, back in the olden days, like let's go all the way back to the Bible days, you know, with the marriages, those marriages were arranged, right? 485 00:21:41.000 --> 00:21:47.000 Who were they arranged by? They were arranged by family. And then a lot of times, you know, God, right? 486 00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:57.000 God is the ultimate matchmaker. But if we look at that through a lens of religion, a lot of times we can start believing in predestination and that can cause us relationship anxiety. 487 00:21:58.000 --> 00:22:07.000 And that's when people begin to say, but what if this isn't the person that God has for me? What if this isn't the person that God's choosing? What if this is just the person that I'm choosing? 488 00:22:07.000 --> 00:22:17.000 And so do you see across the board how you can take anything too far and get yourself all wound up in confusion? 489 00:22:17.000 --> 00:22:27.000 So in order to talk about this, I think we have to go back and talk about what is this thing called the will of God. Do you guys want to talk about that for a second? 490 00:22:27.000 --> 00:22:38.000 I think that it's going to be really, really powerful. Okay. Because I want to talk about, you know, what God is, but what he isn't. 491 00:22:39.000 --> 00:22:52.000 Because this is what I want to tell you. If the voice, and this isn't just about romance, this is about anything in your life. If the voice that you are hearing that you're ascribing to God is tormenting you. 492 00:22:52.000 --> 00:23:00.000 Okay. If it's bringing anxiety and confusion, it's not God. 493 00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:07.000 But it is a lie that you believe about God. 494 00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:18.000 That's the truth. It's not God that's bringing you anxiety and confusion and tormenting you with tormenting thoughts, but it is based in a lie that you believe about God. 495 00:23:18.000 --> 00:23:20.000 Okay. 496 00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:32.000 And that lie that you believe about God may be that God's will for you is this mysterious thing that you have to try to figure out. 497 00:23:32.000 --> 00:23:46.000 I read all the scriptures in the Bible today that talked about the will of God. And do you guys know that all of those scriptures are just talking about God's good plans for people to be saved and to have eternal life? 498 00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:58.000 All the scriptures that talk about the will of God are talking about you being healthy and whole and saved and loved. And that's the will of God for your life. 499 00:23:58.000 --> 00:24:09.000 If you ever wonder what's the will of God for my life, that you would live in perfect peace, that you would live in perfect love, that you would have perfect provision in your life. 500 00:24:09.000 --> 00:24:12.000 Isn't that great? 501 00:24:13.000 --> 00:24:17.000 That's the will of God for your life. 502 00:24:17.000 --> 00:24:21.000 That's the will of God for your life. 503 00:24:21.000 --> 00:24:34.000 He doesn't. In fact, through the process of repentance, that's when we turn from human effort and turn towards supernatural help. 504 00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:38.000 That is when we see that God's way is better. 505 00:24:38.000 --> 00:24:54.000 Our way is hard, and a lot of times we don't have a lot of success in our way. And sometimes we have a lot of hurt and pain in our way. And that's why the scripture says, take my feet off the path of pain and lead me back to you. 506 00:24:54.000 --> 00:24:59.000 The scripture also says that your ways are higher than my ways. Your thoughts are higher than my thoughts. 507 00:24:59.000 --> 00:25:04.000 And that's why the scripture says, take my feet off the path of pain and lead me back to you. 508 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.640 Thoughts are higher than my thoughts, right? 509 00:25:05.080 --> 00:25:06.080 So God isn't a bully. 510 00:25:06.080 --> 00:25:08.440 And you know what else he isn't? 511 00:25:08.440 --> 00:25:09.960 It's gonna be shocking to some of you. 512 00:25:09.960 --> 00:25:11.520 He's not a narcissist. 513 00:25:12.420 --> 00:25:14.440 God is not a narcissist. 514 00:25:14.440 --> 00:25:15.580 And I feel like, you guys, 515 00:25:15.580 --> 00:25:17.680 I've been around to a lot of denominations. 516 00:25:17.680 --> 00:25:19.320 I've had the privilege and honor to speak 517 00:25:19.320 --> 00:25:22.200 at a lot of different churches over the last 27 years. 518 00:25:22.200 --> 00:25:24.560 And I feel like some denominations 519 00:25:24.560 --> 00:25:27.200 make God sound like a total narcissist. 520 00:25:28.200 --> 00:25:30.480 It's all about him all the time. 521 00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:32.120 It's like, worship me. 522 00:25:32.120 --> 00:25:34.400 And everyone's like constantly like, 523 00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:36.780 and then the scariest thing is people will say, 524 00:25:36.780 --> 00:25:37.760 well, if you don't like this, 525 00:25:37.760 --> 00:25:39.600 then you're not gonna like heaven. 526 00:25:39.600 --> 00:25:41.600 Because that's all we're gonna do there. 527 00:25:43.280 --> 00:25:45.880 It's gonna be one big long worship service, y'all. 528 00:25:45.880 --> 00:25:47.440 And that's all that's gonna happen. 529 00:25:47.440 --> 00:25:52.080 We're just gonna be singing and worshiping God for eternity. 530 00:25:52.080 --> 00:25:52.920 What? 531 00:25:53.760 --> 00:25:58.400 I don't, you guys, I love a good worship service, 532 00:25:58.400 --> 00:26:00.220 but that sounds horrible. 533 00:26:02.920 --> 00:26:04.560 It sounds exhausting. 534 00:26:06.600 --> 00:26:08.200 It's not what heaven looks like. 535 00:26:11.000 --> 00:26:13.160 Why would God just want his creation 536 00:26:13.160 --> 00:26:15.940 that he created to have a relationship with, 537 00:26:17.120 --> 00:26:20.280 he created to have family time with, 538 00:26:20.280 --> 00:26:23.560 why would he just want us to worship him day and night, 539 00:26:23.560 --> 00:26:26.080 night and day, worship him? 540 00:26:26.080 --> 00:26:27.420 Is that a relationship? 541 00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:33.000 Some of y'all have had relationship with humans 542 00:26:33.000 --> 00:26:35.240 that all they want you to do is worship them. 543 00:26:38.080 --> 00:26:40.960 They just wanted you to do whatever made them feel good 544 00:26:40.960 --> 00:26:42.700 and whatever they needed at the moment. 545 00:26:42.700 --> 00:26:44.280 They wanted you to follow them around 546 00:26:44.280 --> 00:26:49.280 and make sure that all their stuff was done, right? 547 00:26:49.720 --> 00:26:52.080 And they wanted you to tell them how amazing they were 548 00:26:52.080 --> 00:26:54.560 and how beautiful or handsome they were. 549 00:26:54.560 --> 00:26:59.560 And your whole life was just about them getting their fix. 550 00:27:02.200 --> 00:27:03.200 And I think a lot of times, 551 00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:07.040 certain denominations and religions and just ideas 552 00:27:07.040 --> 00:27:08.400 try to paint God like that. 553 00:27:08.400 --> 00:27:10.040 You guys, God's not a narcissist. 554 00:27:11.000 --> 00:27:13.600 In fact, you know what God's definition of relationship is? 555 00:27:13.600 --> 00:27:15.040 You can go ahead and write this down. 556 00:27:15.120 --> 00:27:19.320 It can't be good for him if it's not also good for you. 557 00:27:22.340 --> 00:27:24.840 It can't be good for him if it's not good for you. 558 00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:30.480 When I first became a believer in my 20s, 559 00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:34.240 you guys, God led me to work at the daycare and he did. 560 00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:37.680 He led me to work at the daycare and he had a bigger plan. 561 00:27:37.680 --> 00:27:41.540 It actually turned into a ministry for trafficked women 562 00:27:41.540 --> 00:27:44.520 because the daycare was located in the inner city 563 00:27:45.040 --> 00:27:47.400 and while I didn't have a huge passion for children, 564 00:27:47.400 --> 00:27:49.420 and when I say that, what I mean is, 565 00:27:49.420 --> 00:27:50.720 I didn't like them at all. 566 00:27:53.720 --> 00:27:55.000 I didn't have any of my own 567 00:27:55.000 --> 00:27:57.720 and I certainly didn't like yours, okay? 568 00:27:57.720 --> 00:28:01.400 And so that for me was not a nurturing personality for sure. 569 00:28:01.400 --> 00:28:03.320 So it stretched me in that. 570 00:28:03.320 --> 00:28:07.500 But because of the location of this daycare, 571 00:28:07.500 --> 00:28:11.520 I was put in proximity to so many prostitutes. 572 00:28:11.520 --> 00:28:13.960 They were everywhere around this building. 573 00:28:14.400 --> 00:28:15.760 And I ran into them daily. 574 00:28:15.760 --> 00:28:17.800 And one day God allowed me to have an encounter 575 00:28:17.800 --> 00:28:18.920 with one of them. 576 00:28:18.920 --> 00:28:22.240 He told me something to say to her that I did say to her 577 00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:24.080 and she started to seek me out. 578 00:28:24.080 --> 00:28:26.880 And pretty soon all the prostitutes in the area 579 00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:27.840 knew who I was. 580 00:28:27.840 --> 00:28:29.680 And they were, Ms. Jackie, Ms. Jackie, 581 00:28:29.680 --> 00:28:31.720 every time I was walking down the street. 582 00:28:33.280 --> 00:28:35.480 And I began to gain their trust. 583 00:28:35.480 --> 00:28:37.520 And then I began to be able to minister to them 584 00:28:37.520 --> 00:28:39.440 and help them and visit them in prison 585 00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:41.400 and all different types of things. 586 00:28:41.400 --> 00:28:44.000 So God's plan was bigger 587 00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:47.080 than just that tiny little part of it. 588 00:28:47.080 --> 00:28:49.480 A lot of times we focus on a little tiny part of it 589 00:28:49.480 --> 00:28:50.800 and then we get all upset 590 00:28:50.800 --> 00:28:52.160 because it doesn't look the way 591 00:28:52.160 --> 00:28:53.760 that we wanted our lives to look. 592 00:28:53.760 --> 00:28:56.440 We're like, well, this isn't what I signed up for. 593 00:28:56.440 --> 00:28:59.440 Well, you guys, God didn't put the desires in your heart 594 00:28:59.440 --> 00:29:00.560 for no reason. 595 00:29:00.560 --> 00:29:02.600 Just because the first step 596 00:29:02.600 --> 00:29:05.960 in order to actualizing the desires of your heart 597 00:29:05.960 --> 00:29:06.960 or walking them out, 598 00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:08.800 doesn't look the way you expect it to look. 599 00:29:08.800 --> 00:29:10.400 And this includes relationship, 600 00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:12.400 doesn't mean you're not gonna get there. 601 00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:15.720 Okay? 602 00:29:15.720 --> 00:29:17.400 But the reason why I mentioned that story 603 00:29:17.400 --> 00:29:18.800 is because of this reason. 604 00:29:18.800 --> 00:29:20.600 A very well-meaning woman 605 00:29:20.600 --> 00:29:23.160 who came to the church to pray every day 606 00:29:23.160 --> 00:29:27.640 caught me in the middle of pretty much a meltdown one day. 607 00:29:27.640 --> 00:29:29.240 I was sick of those kids. 608 00:29:30.520 --> 00:29:33.160 I had not even met any of the prostitutes yet. 609 00:29:33.160 --> 00:29:36.200 So I didn't know why I was there yet, right? 610 00:29:36.200 --> 00:29:37.440 And it was my lunch break. 611 00:29:37.440 --> 00:29:39.760 And so she's praying in the sanctuary 612 00:29:40.120 --> 00:29:41.680 because it was in a church, the staycare. 613 00:29:41.680 --> 00:29:43.200 And so I joined her in the sanctuary 614 00:29:43.200 --> 00:29:44.160 because it's my lunch break. 615 00:29:44.160 --> 00:29:47.000 And I was just like talking to her 616 00:29:47.000 --> 00:29:48.960 about how horrible and how hard 617 00:29:48.960 --> 00:29:50.800 and how I was just tired of this 618 00:29:50.800 --> 00:29:52.560 and I didn't wanna do it anymore. 619 00:29:52.560 --> 00:29:55.040 And y'all, some of you have gotten advice 620 00:29:55.040 --> 00:29:58.240 to break up with whoever it is that you're talking to 621 00:29:58.240 --> 00:30:00.280 because you're operating in relationship. 622 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.520 Relationship anxiety, but that person that's listening to you doesn't know that that's what it is. So all it sounds like it's hard and 623 00:30:09.120 --> 00:30:11.240 Relationships not supposed to be hard, right? 624 00:30:11.280 --> 00:30:17.160 So you're just talking about how upset you are and how horrible this is and all this stuff 625 00:30:17.160 --> 00:30:20.420 and the reason why is because of your anxiety or your 626 00:30:20.880 --> 00:30:27.800 Misconceptions about the situation and then all they hear is hard. They just hear the word hard and they're gonna give you bad advice 627 00:30:28.640 --> 00:30:34.000 You know that people give us bad advice when we don't give them the full picture of what it is that's going on, right? 628 00:30:35.720 --> 00:30:40.400 And so you guys I had this huge fear that this is what the rest of my life was gonna look like it's working in 629 00:30:40.400 --> 00:30:44.840 The daycare and that's why I was so upset that day and this woman said the exact wrong thing to me 630 00:30:44.840 --> 00:30:48.040 You know what? She said to me. I said, oh, I'm just so unhappy. I don't want to do this 631 00:30:48.040 --> 00:30:50.560 I'm not telling her that you know 632 00:30:51.600 --> 00:30:57.160 About my fear or my anxiety that God is forcing me to do this because this is his will you know 633 00:30:57.160 --> 00:30:58.720 She said to me she said well 634 00:30:58.720 --> 00:31:03.040 You're just gonna have to get used to this because this could be the thing that God wants you to do with your life 635 00:31:04.440 --> 00:31:07.880 Work with kids, you know, this could be this could be God's calling on your life 636 00:31:07.880 --> 00:31:12.840 and so you're just gonna have to just really, you know surrender to this and 637 00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:17.880 You know and and and get used to it and like it because obviously this is what God wants for you 638 00:31:17.880 --> 00:31:19.880 you guys that's terrible advice and 639 00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:22.400 It's also not true 640 00:31:24.200 --> 00:31:26.640 How many of you have heard some version of 641 00:31:27.160 --> 00:31:33.720 While you're doing something that you don't love and that you just you're really just trying to get through every day 642 00:31:33.720 --> 00:31:37.400 You've heard someone say something like well, you know 643 00:31:38.440 --> 00:31:43.440 You're just gonna have to ask God for grace because you know this this might be what he chose for you 644 00:31:45.400 --> 00:31:47.160 You know 645 00:31:47.160 --> 00:31:51.120 God knows that you don't like kids, but he's called you to be a teacher. Oh 646 00:31:52.440 --> 00:31:54.200 well 647 00:31:54.200 --> 00:31:56.200 That's your cross to bear 648 00:31:56.360 --> 00:31:58.360 What 649 00:31:59.840 --> 00:32:02.160 Well, how does God get any glory out of that 650 00:32:03.360 --> 00:32:05.360 It doesn't make any sense 651 00:32:05.640 --> 00:32:11.400 You guys I was a new believer. And so I believed her and I I wept bitterly that day 652 00:32:11.400 --> 00:32:15.680 In fact that day when I was praying I was like take me home 653 00:32:16.680 --> 00:32:21.400 I'm ready to go to heaven. I want to die. I'm ready. I'm ready. Let's go 654 00:32:21.960 --> 00:32:24.120 Because I was ready y'all and it was sad 655 00:32:24.640 --> 00:32:26.240 Okay, it was really sad 656 00:32:26.240 --> 00:32:30.160 but this is what happens when we think of God's will and so many of you have 657 00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:35.160 Believed a religious lie about God because remember that voice that you're hearing that's tormenting you 658 00:32:35.240 --> 00:32:38.960 It's not God, but it is a lie that you believe about God 659 00:32:39.400 --> 00:32:43.160 So I want you to write that down and take some time later on to really 660 00:32:43.560 --> 00:32:49.320 Where is that tormenting voice coming from? What lie are you believing that fuels the idea? 661 00:32:49.680 --> 00:32:53.080 That God doesn't want things that you want 662 00:32:54.640 --> 00:32:58.760 Because the Word of God says that when we delight ourselves in him our desires come from him 663 00:32:59.760 --> 00:33:01.760 That's actually what it says 664 00:33:02.560 --> 00:33:04.160 Okay, so that's important 665 00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:04.720 All right 666 00:33:04.720 --> 00:33:09.000 So God's definition of relationship is it can't be good for him if it's also not good for you 667 00:33:09.160 --> 00:33:15.360 So you guys we have this beautiful gift that God gave us and it's called free will or the power of choice 668 00:33:16.160 --> 00:33:22.400 We have the power of choice and that includes in your romantic life you have the power of choice 669 00:33:22.400 --> 00:33:24.800 So God's not a bully. He's not a narcissist 670 00:33:25.320 --> 00:33:32.920 He is in control sort of but he's not controlling and when I say sort of it's because he's decided to give you control 671 00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:38.000 Yes, God is sovereign, but he's also not in control and he's also not controlling 672 00:33:38.000 --> 00:33:42.000 I know this is gonna come as a shock to a lot of you, but God actually has boundaries 673 00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:47.840 He has healthy boundaries and he actually has a lot healthier boundaries than any of the humans you've ever met 674 00:33:49.440 --> 00:33:53.600 And you know who has healthy boundaries that are humans the ones that have secure attachment 675 00:33:55.040 --> 00:34:02.840 The people that have secure attachment are not going to push you or press you into doing what they want you to do 676 00:34:03.600 --> 00:34:08.000 They actually want what's best for you and they want you to sometimes they may know what's best for you 677 00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:14.800 More than you do even but they're still not going to exert their will over yours and guess what? God's the same 678 00:34:17.920 --> 00:34:20.960 And that's why we pray our father who art in heaven 679 00:34:20.960 --> 00:34:26.480 Hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come that thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. What are we doing? 680 00:34:26.480 --> 00:34:32.320 We are surrendering our will to God's will. Why is that because he knows more than we do 681 00:34:32.400 --> 00:34:40.400 He sees the big picture and we don't and the most wise thing that you'll ever do is surrender your will to God's will 682 00:34:41.120 --> 00:34:46.080 But when you do that, he doesn't force you to go do things that you don't want to do 683 00:34:46.880 --> 00:34:47.920 That's not what happens 684 00:34:47.920 --> 00:34:52.960 And that's why a lot of people don't surrender because they believe the religious lie that if I give God the pen 685 00:34:53.360 --> 00:34:56.000 He's going to make me do things that I don't want to do 686 00:34:56.000 --> 00:34:58.640 So 687 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.800 me marry someone I'm not sexually attracted to. If I give God the pen, he's going to have me doing 688 00:35:06.800 --> 00:35:13.200 something that I never wanted to do for the rest of my life to teach me and to humble me or to 689 00:35:13.200 --> 00:35:21.360 whatever the lie is that you're believing. You guys, the greatest glory that your father in 690 00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:26.880 heaven could have is that you would enjoy this gift he's given you called life. That you would 691 00:35:26.880 --> 00:35:34.560 jump out of bed every day and thank him because you love your life that much. That you would run 692 00:35:34.560 --> 00:35:40.560 to whatever vocation it is that you're spending your one and only life on because you love what 693 00:35:40.560 --> 00:35:45.920 you get to do that much. That you would wake up every day and look at the person laying in the 694 00:35:45.920 --> 00:35:54.880 bed besides you and while they're not perfect, you would say, man, I'm so blessed to be partnered 695 00:35:54.880 --> 00:35:59.520 with you. You guys, last night when I was preparing for this, I literally cried real tears 696 00:35:59.520 --> 00:36:03.760 thinking that someday in heaven, my husband and I will not be married anymore. And I started 697 00:36:03.760 --> 00:36:07.760 blubbering and crying that I'm going to miss him so much because I'm not going to be his wife in 698 00:36:07.760 --> 00:36:14.320 heaven. And he's like, Jackie, you guys, marriage, the type of marriage that we get to enjoy on this 699 00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:20.800 earth is a gift. And so go ahead and soak up every minute of it because it isn't going to be the same. 700 00:36:21.760 --> 00:36:27.520 This is a gift for this life. And it is a gift for this life. And God wants you to really, 701 00:36:27.520 --> 00:36:32.720 really enjoy it. It's a gift for this life. You get that? Isn't that great? 702 00:36:35.040 --> 00:36:41.600 It's great. Okay. So God has healthy boundaries. He's not going to force you into anything. 703 00:36:41.600 --> 00:36:46.480 He's not, he does know what's best for you though. And if you do allow him, 704 00:36:46.480 --> 00:36:52.400 he will change your desires. He will change your taste. He will cleanse your palate of 705 00:36:52.400 --> 00:36:59.120 unhealthy things. If you will let him do that, he will, he will do that. Okay. So where are some of 706 00:36:59.120 --> 00:37:04.640 these crazy ideas that we get about God's will? Where do we get that? Where do we get that from? 707 00:37:04.640 --> 00:37:08.400 We get that from religion. We get that from controlling parents. Maybe you had 708 00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:14.400 authoritarian parents that said things like, because we said so. They didn't really care 709 00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:19.760 about what you wanted. All they cared about was exerting their will over yours, right? Breaking 710 00:37:19.760 --> 00:37:24.400 your will. In fact, the Bible says for us not to do that to our children. Did you know that 711 00:37:24.400 --> 00:37:32.320 it actually says for us not to do that to our kids? Okay. Broken authority archetypes. 712 00:37:34.240 --> 00:37:39.520 That's some of where these tormenting thoughts about God and, you know, his narcissistic, 713 00:37:39.520 --> 00:37:44.880 bully, control freak self. That's where some of those thoughts come from. And some of you 714 00:37:44.880 --> 00:37:51.200 are scared to even admit that you think that about God, but you do. And you know what? 715 00:37:52.400 --> 00:37:56.960 You can tell that you think it by the way that you treat these voices that you think are his. 716 00:37:58.400 --> 00:38:04.080 Next time you think that a voice is from God, I want you to disembody that voice. I want you to 717 00:38:04.080 --> 00:38:08.080 bring it over here. I want you to write down what you think it's saying. And I want you to apply 718 00:38:08.160 --> 00:38:12.080 what you think it's saying to someone that you love and see if that sounds abusive or not. 719 00:38:13.840 --> 00:38:17.840 See if it sounds controlling or not. See if it sounds bullying or not. 720 00:38:19.120 --> 00:38:24.880 See if it sounds like it's fear mongering or not. The next time I want you to take it out of you, 721 00:38:24.880 --> 00:38:29.280 put it down on some paper, and then apply it to someone that you love. Can everyone do that? 722 00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:33.920 But then I already hear pushback. Like I wrote down these pushbacks in the spirit. God said, 723 00:38:33.920 --> 00:38:38.240 some of you would be saying, but God does ask us to let go of things that we want. 724 00:38:39.840 --> 00:38:49.280 No, he doesn't. God asks us to let go of the pen. He asks us to trust him. He asks us to surrender. 725 00:38:49.280 --> 00:38:53.760 The Bible says that, you know, if you'll lose your life, you'll gain it. But if you want to 726 00:38:53.760 --> 00:38:58.240 hold on tight to it, then guess what you're going to do? You're going to live a small life. You're 727 00:38:58.240 --> 00:39:02.800 going to live whatever life you can live in your own strength, power, understanding, and wisdom. 728 00:39:02.800 --> 00:39:05.840 But if you let God take the pen, you're going to live a bigger life. 729 00:39:08.080 --> 00:39:14.800 God would never, ever, ever take anything from you unless there was something bigger and better 730 00:39:14.800 --> 00:39:19.760 that was replacing it. You realize that, right? I want you to write down what you think it's saying 731 00:39:19.760 --> 00:39:28.720 God never minimizes you. He only maximizes you. 732 00:39:31.040 --> 00:39:35.200 You know that scripture in the Bible that John the Baptist said, we must decrease so that he, 733 00:39:35.200 --> 00:39:40.880 I must decrease so that he can increase. I want you to know that that was John the Baptist. 734 00:39:42.160 --> 00:39:43.920 That scripture does not apply to you. 735 00:39:44.720 --> 00:39:49.600 John was saying that because he was talking about Jesus, and he was talking about Jesus 736 00:39:49.600 --> 00:39:53.840 taking up where he left off. I must decrease, my ministry must decrease, 737 00:39:54.880 --> 00:39:58.000 which was just preaching in the wilderness about the kingdom. 738 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.640 Jesus came and then demonstrated it. 739 00:40:02.640 --> 00:40:04.680 I must decrease so that he can increase. 740 00:40:04.680 --> 00:40:07.240 You guys, you can't apply every single thing 741 00:40:07.240 --> 00:40:09.000 you read in the Bible to yourself. 742 00:40:11.920 --> 00:40:14.560 You know what Jesus said to the people 743 00:40:14.560 --> 00:40:18.040 that he was discipling after his resurrection? 744 00:40:18.040 --> 00:40:22.360 Greater than these things will you do than me 745 00:40:22.360 --> 00:40:23.720 because I go to my father. 746 00:40:23.720 --> 00:40:28.720 It does not benefit heaven for you to play small. 747 00:40:36.640 --> 00:40:38.840 It doesn't, and I don't mean that in an arrogant way. 748 00:40:38.840 --> 00:40:43.840 I don't even mean that in a hedonistic or human way. 749 00:40:44.800 --> 00:40:49.800 I mean that God wants to enlarge his family on earth. 750 00:40:50.640 --> 00:40:52.080 You're not gonna steal the glory of God 751 00:40:52.080 --> 00:40:55.560 because the children are the glory of the father. 752 00:40:55.560 --> 00:40:57.960 The next time the thought even crosses your mind 753 00:40:57.960 --> 00:40:59.960 that you don't want to steal God's glory, 754 00:40:59.960 --> 00:41:03.400 I need you to remind yourself that you are God's glory. 755 00:41:06.160 --> 00:41:08.880 You are the glory of the father. 756 00:41:09.880 --> 00:41:10.720 You are. 757 00:41:11.560 --> 00:41:15.400 Your future marriage, do you think that it does God 758 00:41:16.320 --> 00:41:19.080 any benefit or the kingdom of God any benefit 759 00:41:19.560 --> 00:41:21.240 or the kingdom of heaven any benefit 760 00:41:21.240 --> 00:41:22.640 for you to be unhappily married 761 00:41:22.640 --> 00:41:24.560 with someone that you're not attracted to? 762 00:41:24.560 --> 00:41:26.120 And I don't just mean sexually. 763 00:41:27.240 --> 00:41:29.760 I mean, conversationally. 764 00:41:29.760 --> 00:41:31.720 I mean, personality wise, 765 00:41:31.720 --> 00:41:34.960 someone that you don't have fun chemistry with, 766 00:41:34.960 --> 00:41:37.160 that other people can watch y'all and say, 767 00:41:37.160 --> 00:41:38.520 you guys are so cute. 768 00:41:39.440 --> 00:41:42.400 I wanna be married like you guys. 769 00:41:43.560 --> 00:41:48.560 Do you think that it benefits the idea of marriage 770 00:41:49.360 --> 00:41:51.560 for a bunch of long-faced Christians 771 00:41:51.560 --> 00:41:53.880 to just be white knuckling it 772 00:41:53.880 --> 00:41:58.880 through horrible partnerships for the sake of the ministry? 773 00:42:00.240 --> 00:42:01.080 Come on. 774 00:42:02.120 --> 00:42:03.320 Doesn't make any sense. 775 00:42:05.800 --> 00:42:07.280 Doesn't make any sense. 776 00:42:07.280 --> 00:42:09.040 By the way, y'all, when Jesus said, 777 00:42:09.040 --> 00:42:10.680 greater than these things you'll do, 778 00:42:10.680 --> 00:42:13.400 because I go to my father, he was talking about love. 779 00:42:15.040 --> 00:42:17.240 In John 17, one of the last prayers 780 00:42:17.240 --> 00:42:18.320 that Jesus prayed on earth 781 00:42:18.320 --> 00:42:19.720 before he ascended to the father, 782 00:42:19.720 --> 00:42:22.520 he said, father, make them one as you and I are one. 783 00:42:23.440 --> 00:42:25.160 Because the only thing that's gonna show this world 784 00:42:25.160 --> 00:42:26.880 that I truly was your son 785 00:42:26.880 --> 00:42:30.080 is if they have loved one for another. 786 00:42:30.080 --> 00:42:32.640 So the greater than these things, 787 00:42:32.640 --> 00:42:35.560 it's not about greater miracles, signs and wonders, 788 00:42:35.560 --> 00:42:36.560 it's about love. 789 00:42:36.560 --> 00:42:40.680 And that love obviously is best played out 790 00:42:40.680 --> 00:42:42.280 within marriage and family. 791 00:42:44.360 --> 00:42:46.280 And also the family of God, 792 00:42:46.280 --> 00:42:48.640 the brothers and sisters, the family of God, 793 00:42:48.640 --> 00:42:51.480 loving each other, right? 794 00:42:52.920 --> 00:42:54.560 All right, so here's some other ideas 795 00:42:54.560 --> 00:42:56.000 and I wanna have a conversation. 796 00:42:56.000 --> 00:42:58.160 Here's some other ideas that pop up 797 00:42:58.160 --> 00:43:01.360 in anxious relationship anxiety 798 00:43:01.360 --> 00:43:03.160 when you're out there trying to meet someone. 799 00:43:03.160 --> 00:43:04.520 What if there's something better? 800 00:43:04.520 --> 00:43:07.760 And that comes from this smorgasbord of delusions 801 00:43:07.760 --> 00:43:09.200 and illusions of options 802 00:43:09.200 --> 00:43:10.800 that we have with all these dating apps. 803 00:43:10.800 --> 00:43:14.840 And you would never even, 804 00:43:14.840 --> 00:43:16.320 you would never even have, 805 00:43:16.320 --> 00:43:18.040 you guys, this is gonna blow all of our minds, 806 00:43:18.040 --> 00:43:21.200 but even what, 2005? 807 00:43:21.200 --> 00:43:23.840 So less than 20 years ago, y'all, 808 00:43:23.840 --> 00:43:25.280 you would have never known 809 00:43:25.280 --> 00:43:27.760 who was on the other side of the world. 810 00:43:27.760 --> 00:43:29.720 You would have never known who was even in another state. 811 00:43:29.720 --> 00:43:30.560 You know why? 812 00:43:30.560 --> 00:43:32.760 Social media didn't exist. 813 00:43:34.000 --> 00:43:35.640 And I kinda wish it still didn't. 814 00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:37.680 Anybody else? 815 00:43:40.920 --> 00:43:42.400 You didn't know. 816 00:43:42.400 --> 00:43:44.160 You didn't know who was over there 817 00:43:44.440 --> 00:43:47.640 and you certainly didn't know who was over there, 818 00:43:47.640 --> 00:43:48.960 all the way over there. 819 00:43:48.960 --> 00:43:50.800 And now because of that, 820 00:43:51.720 --> 00:43:55.400 we see all these believers on social media 821 00:43:55.400 --> 00:43:56.960 and dating apps and different things. 822 00:43:56.960 --> 00:43:58.640 And so for a lot of people, 823 00:43:58.640 --> 00:44:00.720 you're like, what if there's something better? 824 00:44:00.720 --> 00:44:02.560 You're trying to get to know someone 825 00:44:02.560 --> 00:44:05.200 and yeah, they're not like the thing 826 00:44:05.200 --> 00:44:07.480 that you wrote down in your diary 827 00:44:07.480 --> 00:44:11.280 when you were 15 years old. 828 00:44:12.280 --> 00:44:14.400 But at the same time, 829 00:44:14.400 --> 00:44:15.720 you're not giving yourself a chance 830 00:44:15.720 --> 00:44:16.840 to see what they're really like 831 00:44:16.840 --> 00:44:19.880 because you're like, what if there's something better? 832 00:44:19.880 --> 00:44:22.160 What if there's something better? 833 00:44:22.160 --> 00:44:23.400 Some of you millennials came 834 00:44:23.400 --> 00:44:26.280 from the I Kissed Dating Goodbye era. 835 00:44:26.280 --> 00:44:28.800 That's another place where relationship anxiety 836 00:44:28.800 --> 00:44:31.200 really lives, especially for our millennial Christians 837 00:44:31.200 --> 00:44:34.080 that were raised in the church, purity culture. 838 00:44:35.760 --> 00:44:40.760 A lot of you that, a lot of you have this thing inside of you 839 00:44:41.680 --> 00:44:46.280 that makes you feel like romantic life 840 00:44:46.280 --> 00:44:49.280 is something that you're not supposed to be doing. 841 00:44:49.280 --> 00:44:50.760 Maybe you grew up in like, 842 00:44:50.760 --> 00:44:52.480 oh, you're not supposed to be doing it. 843 00:44:52.480 --> 00:44:53.720 You're not supposed to be doing it. 844 00:44:53.720 --> 00:44:55.000 I mean, ever since we were kids, 845 00:44:55.000 --> 00:44:56.360 you guys, I didn't grow up in the church, 846 00:44:56.360 --> 00:44:59.320 but even like at school, secular public school, 847 00:44:59.320 --> 00:45:00.160 it was like, hey, 848 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.940 Don't hold hands, don't sit by each other. 849 00:45:02.940 --> 00:45:04.980 Hey, you know, assembly boys on one side, 850 00:45:04.980 --> 00:45:06.820 girls on the other, why? 851 00:45:06.820 --> 00:45:09.340 Because they didn't want you distracted by the opposite sex. 852 00:45:09.340 --> 00:45:11.860 So ever since we were kids, because of the curse, you guys, 853 00:45:11.860 --> 00:45:13.220 we've been being separated. 854 00:45:15.260 --> 00:45:17.700 And shame has been being attached 855 00:45:17.700 --> 00:45:20.440 to our sexual desire and drive. 856 00:45:21.820 --> 00:45:26.820 They're trying to shame us to keep us abstinent, right? 857 00:45:27.680 --> 00:45:32.080 And so there's a part of us, even now as grown adults, 858 00:45:32.080 --> 00:45:35.000 when we start getting into a romantic relationship, 859 00:45:35.000 --> 00:45:37.360 there's an uncertainty inside of whether or not 860 00:45:37.360 --> 00:45:42.080 you're even supposed to be doing this, right? 861 00:45:44.880 --> 00:45:46.320 I just have to be honest, you know, 862 00:45:46.320 --> 00:45:48.080 when I first started having sex in marriage, 863 00:45:48.080 --> 00:45:49.520 I'm like, am I allowed to do this? 864 00:45:49.520 --> 00:45:51.720 Am I like, I'm having sex. 865 00:45:51.720 --> 00:45:54.200 It's like, oh, is this okay? 866 00:45:54.200 --> 00:45:55.800 All right, you know? 867 00:45:57.800 --> 00:45:59.440 And why is that? 868 00:45:59.440 --> 00:46:04.440 Because religion and shame have invaded our conscience. 869 00:46:06.000 --> 00:46:07.720 And the Bible talks about what happens 870 00:46:07.720 --> 00:46:09.920 when your conscience offends you. 871 00:46:12.720 --> 00:46:14.800 You guys, Peter and all those folks, 872 00:46:14.800 --> 00:46:17.280 they all, after Jesus, after, you know, 873 00:46:17.280 --> 00:46:19.680 the death and resurrection of Christ, you know, 874 00:46:19.680 --> 00:46:21.720 they all could have, you know, 875 00:46:21.720 --> 00:46:25.120 broken the precepts of Judaism. 876 00:46:27.480 --> 00:46:28.400 Right? 877 00:46:28.400 --> 00:46:30.040 The Messiah came, he paid the price. 878 00:46:30.040 --> 00:46:32.320 They don't have to live like that anymore. 879 00:46:32.320 --> 00:46:34.320 And Paul, I want you to catch this. 880 00:46:34.320 --> 00:46:36.160 Paul was a Pharisee of the Pharisees, 881 00:46:36.160 --> 00:46:38.680 which means he was a Jewish scholar 882 00:46:38.680 --> 00:46:41.880 who knew the law inside and out and upside down. 883 00:46:41.880 --> 00:46:44.540 You guys, to this day, there's like 626 precepts 884 00:46:44.540 --> 00:46:47.520 on top of the 10 commandments that Jews have to follow. 885 00:46:47.520 --> 00:46:49.000 You can eat this, but you can't eat this 886 00:46:49.000 --> 00:46:50.560 at this time of day or with that food. 887 00:46:50.560 --> 00:46:51.880 And if you put them together, 888 00:46:51.880 --> 00:46:54.160 then you have to wash the dishes in separate sinks 889 00:46:54.160 --> 00:46:55.120 or separate dishwashers. 890 00:46:55.120 --> 00:46:56.340 I used to work for a Jewish family 891 00:46:56.840 --> 00:46:58.160 that had two different dishwashers 892 00:46:58.160 --> 00:47:00.240 because they couldn't wash even the plates 893 00:47:00.240 --> 00:47:02.280 or the utensils together that touched certain foods. 894 00:47:02.280 --> 00:47:03.920 You guys, tons of rules. 895 00:47:03.920 --> 00:47:06.240 Like how could you even remember all of it? 896 00:47:06.240 --> 00:47:08.160 You could do this, but you can't do this on this day. 897 00:47:08.160 --> 00:47:11.200 And then this happens and that happens and blah, blah, blah. 898 00:47:14.320 --> 00:47:15.800 They were all freed from that. 899 00:47:15.800 --> 00:47:19.040 And Paul, he's hanging out with the pagans and the Gentiles 900 00:47:19.040 --> 00:47:21.540 and he's eating meat that was sacrificed to idols. 901 00:47:21.540 --> 00:47:22.840 And he's good. 902 00:47:22.840 --> 00:47:23.680 Why? 903 00:47:23.680 --> 00:47:25.680 Because even though he knew the law inside and out, 904 00:47:25.680 --> 00:47:27.620 his conscience didn't offend him. 905 00:47:28.540 --> 00:47:33.540 But Peter, Peter was not only still doing those things 906 00:47:33.660 --> 00:47:35.340 that the Jews did, 907 00:47:35.340 --> 00:47:38.180 he was going around teaching new people 908 00:47:38.180 --> 00:47:39.780 to do those things too, 909 00:47:39.780 --> 00:47:44.300 instead of just Christ and him crucified. 910 00:47:44.300 --> 00:47:45.140 Why? 911 00:47:45.140 --> 00:47:47.420 Because when your conscience offends you, 912 00:47:47.420 --> 00:47:49.520 even get this, please catch this. 913 00:47:50.780 --> 00:47:52.180 You'll think God is offended, 914 00:47:52.180 --> 00:47:54.420 but really you're the only one that's offended. 915 00:47:56.660 --> 00:47:58.380 Did you get it? 916 00:47:58.380 --> 00:47:59.300 Did you catch it? 917 00:48:01.500 --> 00:48:04.220 Because of what you believe, because of religion, 918 00:48:04.220 --> 00:48:06.460 you will believe that God is offended, 919 00:48:06.460 --> 00:48:08.780 but you are the only one that's offended. 920 00:48:08.780 --> 00:48:12.820 Your conscience, your religious consciousness is offended. 921 00:48:13.700 --> 00:48:16.660 God's not offended, but you'll make him offended. 922 00:48:16.660 --> 00:48:18.660 That voice that you think is him, 923 00:48:20.340 --> 00:48:22.120 it'll be super offended at you. 924 00:48:22.740 --> 00:48:23.580 Right? 925 00:48:24.700 --> 00:48:25.780 Come on, y'all. 926 00:48:29.900 --> 00:48:31.260 God wants you to live free. 927 00:48:32.780 --> 00:48:33.620 He does. 928 00:48:33.620 --> 00:48:35.340 He wants you to live free. 929 00:48:35.340 --> 00:48:37.620 It's important that you live free. 930 00:48:37.620 --> 00:48:39.900 All right, so let's have a conversation. 931 00:48:39.900 --> 00:48:42.140 Because friends, when it comes down to picking 932 00:48:42.140 --> 00:48:45.700 the person that you're going to partner with on this earth, 933 00:48:45.700 --> 00:48:46.980 and you're gonna get to enjoy 934 00:48:46.980 --> 00:48:49.900 what's called marriage together on this earth, 935 00:48:49.900 --> 00:48:52.200 it's important that you match seasons. 936 00:48:52.200 --> 00:48:55.200 It's important that you have compatible temperaments. 937 00:48:56.200 --> 00:48:59.880 It's important that you have some opposite things, 938 00:48:59.880 --> 00:49:04.880 some complimentary opposite ideas and mindsets 939 00:49:06.400 --> 00:49:09.120 and ways of doing things and heart postures 940 00:49:09.120 --> 00:49:14.120 and even hobbies and pursuits. 941 00:49:14.280 --> 00:49:17.040 Your energy levels should be compatible. 942 00:49:17.040 --> 00:49:19.360 Your personality should be compatible. 943 00:49:19.620 --> 00:49:23.100 Your personalities should be compatible. 944 00:49:23.100 --> 00:49:24.900 You should enjoy their company. 945 00:49:24.900 --> 00:49:27.660 You should be able to have conflict. 946 00:49:27.660 --> 00:49:28.700 Conflict is good. 947 00:49:28.700 --> 00:49:31.780 Conflict is an opportunity for deeper connection, you guys. 948 00:49:31.780 --> 00:49:34.100 You'll never grow really deep in love 949 00:49:34.100 --> 00:49:35.940 with someone without conflict. 950 00:49:39.860 --> 00:49:41.580 Of course, it has to be healthy. 951 00:49:41.580 --> 00:49:43.140 You have to learn how to fight fair. 952 00:49:43.140 --> 00:49:45.040 These are all things that are important 953 00:49:45.040 --> 00:49:47.300 when it comes to choosing someone. 954 00:49:48.080 --> 00:49:50.640 By the way, we had a meeting about our dating app today, 955 00:49:50.640 --> 00:49:53.440 y'all, with our developer, 956 00:49:53.440 --> 00:49:56.880 and we were talking about what is gonna make it different 957 00:49:56.880 --> 00:49:58.760 than anything that you've ever seen before, 958 00:49:58.760 --> 00:50:00.560 and I can't wait for you to be there. 959 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.960 group of people that get to test this out. 960 00:50:01.960 --> 00:50:03.300 So that's gonna be fun. 961 00:50:03.300 --> 00:50:05.600 All right, so let's have this conversation. 962 00:50:05.600 --> 00:50:07.100 Anyone learn anything tonight? 963 00:50:08.580 --> 00:50:11.420 Do you feel like God's highlighting some things? 964 00:50:11.420 --> 00:50:15.300 If you feel like God highlighted something to you tonight 965 00:50:15.300 --> 00:50:18.260 with the things that were shared, I wanna hear from you, 966 00:50:18.260 --> 00:50:21.800 especially if you've really been struggling in this area. 967 00:50:22.920 --> 00:50:27.300 Let's keep these shares short, brief, and powerful. 968 00:50:27.300 --> 00:50:28.140 Who wants to go? 969 00:50:29.100 --> 00:50:30.180 I will. 970 00:50:30.180 --> 00:50:33.660 You nailed it when you said about God wanting you 971 00:50:33.660 --> 00:50:37.180 to be a teacher, right here, right here. 972 00:50:37.180 --> 00:50:38.820 I have believed the lie my whole life. 973 00:50:38.820 --> 00:50:40.860 That's the only thing God has me doing. 974 00:50:40.860 --> 00:50:42.740 And so when you were talking about that, 975 00:50:42.740 --> 00:50:44.900 I'm like, there it is. 976 00:50:47.020 --> 00:50:49.000 Well, I mean, how would it benefit, Kathy? 977 00:50:49.000 --> 00:50:51.260 How would it benefit God if you went through 978 00:50:51.260 --> 00:50:53.380 your one and only life, your whole life, 979 00:50:53.380 --> 00:50:56.340 doing something that you didn't love? 980 00:50:57.300 --> 00:51:00.720 Yeah, see, that's what I have to come in to, 981 00:51:01.940 --> 00:51:03.260 that's what I have to figure out 982 00:51:03.260 --> 00:51:05.660 because it doesn't benefit anything. 983 00:51:05.660 --> 00:51:08.460 It doesn't, but when you believe the lie 984 00:51:08.460 --> 00:51:10.860 that this is what you are called to do 985 00:51:10.860 --> 00:51:12.620 and it's the only thing you can do, 986 00:51:12.620 --> 00:51:15.420 then it's a struggle. 987 00:51:16.740 --> 00:51:20.420 Right, absolutely, absolutely. 988 00:51:20.420 --> 00:51:23.660 And so the key for you, Kathy, 989 00:51:23.660 --> 00:51:25.220 is you're gonna look in your heart 990 00:51:25.220 --> 00:51:26.900 and you're gonna give yourself permission 991 00:51:26.900 --> 00:51:30.460 to admit to yourself, what do you want? 992 00:51:32.200 --> 00:51:33.900 What do you want? 993 00:51:33.900 --> 00:51:35.740 Because whatever it is that you find 994 00:51:35.740 --> 00:51:38.740 as the answer to that question is what God wants for you. 995 00:51:40.100 --> 00:51:42.460 Because he is the one that put that desire there. 996 00:51:42.460 --> 00:51:47.460 So I give you permission to go searching in your heart 997 00:51:47.460 --> 00:51:49.780 for what makes it beat fast. 998 00:51:49.780 --> 00:51:53.360 And whatever that is, I'm gonna cry, go do that. 999 00:51:56.180 --> 00:51:58.340 Go do that, it's not too late. 1000 00:52:00.100 --> 00:52:02.900 It isn't, and I believe God will actually give you grace 1001 00:52:02.900 --> 00:52:06.620 and accelerate you if you make the decision 1002 00:52:06.620 --> 00:52:08.660 that you're not gonna be held hostage 1003 00:52:08.660 --> 00:52:13.660 by some toxic will of God idea anymore. 1004 00:52:16.900 --> 00:52:18.740 Sounds good to me. 1005 00:52:18.740 --> 00:52:20.460 All right, awesome. 1006 00:52:22.420 --> 00:52:24.540 And you guys, even if you have a specific type of gift, 1007 00:52:24.740 --> 00:52:26.300 maybe you do have a teaching gift. 1008 00:52:26.300 --> 00:52:29.620 It doesn't mean you become a teacher. 1009 00:52:29.620 --> 00:52:32.860 Doesn't mean you become what we think of 1010 00:52:32.860 --> 00:52:33.900 when we think of teacher. 1011 00:52:33.900 --> 00:52:35.140 You can use a teaching gift 1012 00:52:35.140 --> 00:52:38.500 to do all kinds of crazy things, right? 1013 00:52:39.420 --> 00:52:41.100 All the teaching gift is is that 1014 00:52:41.100 --> 00:52:43.800 when you explain something, it makes sense to people. 1015 00:52:45.540 --> 00:52:49.180 When you explain something, people understand. 1016 00:52:49.180 --> 00:52:54.180 And so you can use that in all different ways, right? 1017 00:52:54.740 --> 00:52:57.100 You can use that as an art curator if you want it. 1018 00:52:57.100 --> 00:52:59.540 You can explain how the greats came up 1019 00:52:59.540 --> 00:53:01.620 with their different styles of art. 1020 00:53:01.620 --> 00:53:03.820 There's all kinds of things that you can do. 1021 00:53:06.540 --> 00:53:07.740 As a curator, yeah. 1022 00:53:08.820 --> 00:53:10.780 So there's all kinds of things you can do 1023 00:53:10.780 --> 00:53:12.620 with a gift like that. 1024 00:53:12.620 --> 00:53:13.940 All right, who's next? 1025 00:53:15.340 --> 00:53:16.180 I'll go. 1026 00:53:17.020 --> 00:53:17.860 Okay. 1027 00:53:17.860 --> 00:53:21.500 I've been, since I was like 12 or maybe younger, 1028 00:53:21.500 --> 00:53:24.420 wanted to be foreign service diplomat. 1029 00:53:25.260 --> 00:53:26.300 Worked for State Department. 1030 00:53:26.300 --> 00:53:28.140 And I had pretty much given up 1031 00:53:28.140 --> 00:53:30.660 because of different things that happened in my life. 1032 00:53:30.660 --> 00:53:31.860 So I went a different path 1033 00:53:31.860 --> 00:53:34.220 and felt like I was stuck in this different path 1034 00:53:34.220 --> 00:53:37.340 and I'm too old to go and took the test 1035 00:53:37.340 --> 00:53:38.980 and I'd have to start completely over, 1036 00:53:38.980 --> 00:53:40.940 take a huge pay cut. 1037 00:53:40.940 --> 00:53:42.420 So I gave up on it. 1038 00:53:42.420 --> 00:53:44.180 And then just a couple of days ago, 1039 00:53:44.180 --> 00:53:46.260 I was sent an email saying 1040 00:53:46.260 --> 00:53:50.580 that they're starting a new lateral pilot program 1041 00:53:50.580 --> 00:53:52.800 where you can come in from your level. 1042 00:53:53.760 --> 00:53:57.240 And I'm just like blown away. 1043 00:53:57.240 --> 00:54:02.240 So I am going for it and giving it to God. 1044 00:54:02.800 --> 00:54:05.440 We'll see what happens because this is what I've, 1045 00:54:05.440 --> 00:54:08.400 I keep saying, I thought this is what you wanted me to do. 1046 00:54:08.400 --> 00:54:09.520 Why isn't this working? 1047 00:54:09.520 --> 00:54:11.480 Why isn't this working? 1048 00:54:11.480 --> 00:54:14.680 And so I'm- 1049 00:54:14.680 --> 00:54:17.360 Are you talking about flying planes? 1050 00:54:17.360 --> 00:54:18.200 No, no, no. 1051 00:54:18.200 --> 00:54:19.040 Oh, sorry. 1052 00:54:19.040 --> 00:54:20.280 Being a diplomat, foreign service. 1053 00:54:20.280 --> 00:54:21.400 Oh, diplomat, a diplomat. 1054 00:54:21.400 --> 00:54:23.120 I thought you said pilot for some reason. 1055 00:54:23.120 --> 00:54:24.240 Okay, I love it. 1056 00:54:24.240 --> 00:54:25.080 Exciting. 1057 00:54:25.080 --> 00:54:25.900 And you know what? 1058 00:54:25.900 --> 00:54:27.200 You're living in another country. 1059 00:54:27.200 --> 00:54:29.360 So perfect. 1060 00:54:29.360 --> 00:54:30.600 Well, that's another problem. 1061 00:54:30.600 --> 00:54:33.240 I'm gonna have to come back if that happens. 1062 00:54:34.680 --> 00:54:35.520 We'll see. 1063 00:54:37.120 --> 00:54:37.960 We'll see. 1064 00:54:37.960 --> 00:54:39.160 You guys, you can never go wrong. 1065 00:54:39.160 --> 00:54:40.520 Listen, you can never go wrong. 1066 00:54:40.520 --> 00:54:42.120 God promises what? 1067 00:54:42.120 --> 00:54:46.440 He promises that if in our ways we acknowledge him, 1068 00:54:46.440 --> 00:54:48.520 he will direct our paths, right? 1069 00:54:48.520 --> 00:54:50.240 And what does it look like to acknowledge God 1070 00:54:50.240 --> 00:54:51.480 even in your love life? 1071 00:54:52.760 --> 00:54:56.360 What that looks like is that you don't just stop moving. 1072 00:54:57.240 --> 00:54:59.960 You move forward and you let God know. 1073 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:01.540 Hey, you know what? 1074 00:55:01.540 --> 00:55:03.680 At any point in time here, 1075 00:55:03.680 --> 00:55:05.640 if I start going the wrong direction, 1076 00:55:05.640 --> 00:55:09.240 I give you permission to direct my steps, 1077 00:55:09.240 --> 00:55:11.360 to order my steps, 1078 00:55:11.360 --> 00:55:14.440 to show me the way to, 1079 00:55:14.440 --> 00:55:17.960 that's not a cop-out and that's not us being like, 1080 00:55:17.960 --> 00:55:19.760 well, we're just gonna go do it our way, 1081 00:55:19.760 --> 00:55:21.300 and God, if you send me a sign, 1082 00:55:21.300 --> 00:55:22.700 then I'll do it your way. 1083 00:55:22.700 --> 00:55:24.560 No, that's just saying, 1084 00:55:24.560 --> 00:55:27.560 I'm taking imperfect action on the desires of my heart 1085 00:55:27.560 --> 00:55:31.640 and I'm trusting you that you are God 1086 00:55:31.640 --> 00:55:36.640 and that you can make sure that I'm ending up 1087 00:55:37.520 --> 00:55:41.940 where I need to end up, right? 1088 00:55:48.120 --> 00:55:52.240 You can cause my affections for this person. 1089 00:55:52.240 --> 00:55:54.680 Surrender your affections to God, 1090 00:55:54.680 --> 00:55:56.640 in all your ways, acknowledge him. 1091 00:55:56.640 --> 00:56:00.560 Surrender your sexual attractions and your affections 1092 00:56:00.560 --> 00:56:05.560 and your chemistry and the sparks of relationships, 1093 00:56:06.520 --> 00:56:07.920 surrender all that to God. 1094 00:56:10.120 --> 00:56:14.080 So that when you go on a date and it's the right time, 1095 00:56:14.080 --> 00:56:17.060 God could cause there to literally be a firework show. 1096 00:56:20.240 --> 00:56:23.280 Because you gave him all the matches 1097 00:56:23.280 --> 00:56:25.240 and you said, go ahead and light it up. 1098 00:56:26.640 --> 00:56:28.920 If that's the case, right? 1099 00:56:30.080 --> 00:56:34.920 And also acknowledging that you don't have to feel anything 1100 00:56:34.920 --> 00:56:39.520 right away, as long as you don't feel repulsed 1101 00:56:39.520 --> 00:56:42.180 and disgusted and afraid, 1102 00:56:43.360 --> 00:56:45.700 then it's a yes until it's a no, right? 1103 00:56:46.800 --> 00:56:48.160 All right, who else? 1104 00:56:48.160 --> 00:56:49.680 Come on, shares. 1105 00:56:49.680 --> 00:56:51.400 Jackie, can you hear me? 1106 00:56:51.400 --> 00:56:52.240 I can. 1107 00:56:52.240 --> 00:56:53.060 Okay. 1108 00:56:54.060 --> 00:56:56.820 I just wanna tell you, it means a lot to me 1109 00:56:56.820 --> 00:56:58.980 that you mentioned a couple of things. 1110 00:56:58.980 --> 00:57:00.460 One on shame. 1111 00:57:02.500 --> 00:57:06.060 I kind of was raised in a shameful way, 1112 00:57:06.060 --> 00:57:09.180 like with being shamed. 1113 00:57:09.180 --> 00:57:14.180 And I really fight that feeling of just always 1114 00:57:17.100 --> 00:57:19.060 doubting myself and questioning myself. 1115 00:57:19.060 --> 00:57:20.960 And then two, how you mentioned about, 1116 00:57:21.960 --> 00:57:24.880 these things are offending our conscience, 1117 00:57:24.880 --> 00:57:26.520 not necessarily God. 1118 00:57:26.520 --> 00:57:28.920 I really appreciate that because it helps 1119 00:57:28.920 --> 00:57:32.120 to clear up those things. 1120 00:57:32.120 --> 00:57:34.480 Everything's fuzzy when you're raised in, 1121 00:57:34.480 --> 00:57:36.560 or when you're brought up to believe certain things 1122 00:57:36.560 --> 00:57:39.440 about yourself, things become very fuzzy. 1123 00:57:39.440 --> 00:57:42.880 And sometimes, I mean, I went to my counselor recently, 1124 00:57:42.880 --> 00:57:44.760 just last week, and I was like, 1125 00:57:44.760 --> 00:57:48.120 I don't even know what I'm thinking about, 1126 00:57:48.120 --> 00:57:50.440 like how I can't get my thoughts straight. 1127 00:57:51.200 --> 00:57:53.760 What's wrong in this situation or whatever. 1128 00:57:53.760 --> 00:57:57.080 And it's really so deep-seated. 1129 00:57:57.080 --> 00:58:00.000 It's coming out and getting better. 1130 00:58:01.080 --> 00:58:02.800 So let's talk about that for a second, Brenda. 1131 00:58:02.800 --> 00:58:05.600 So everyone, let's lean into this with Brenda. 1132 00:58:05.600 --> 00:58:08.000 One thing that you need to understand is that 1133 00:58:08.000 --> 00:58:12.320 God never gets us to change course, direction, 1134 00:58:12.320 --> 00:58:14.920 change our minds about something 1135 00:58:14.920 --> 00:58:18.880 by giving us some type of the negative feedback. 1136 00:58:19.720 --> 00:58:23.800 God doesn't speak to us in language of shame, okay? 1137 00:58:23.800 --> 00:58:27.280 Condemnation, this is not the language of heaven. 1138 00:58:27.280 --> 00:58:28.680 So God's not gonna shame us. 1139 00:58:28.680 --> 00:58:30.060 And the problem is that a lot of you, 1140 00:58:30.060 --> 00:58:31.640 and I want you to raise your hands now, 1141 00:58:31.640 --> 00:58:33.600 you had authority figures in your life 1142 00:58:33.600 --> 00:58:35.400 that when you messed up, they said things like, 1143 00:58:35.400 --> 00:58:40.040 you should be ashamed of yourself, right? 1144 00:58:40.040 --> 00:58:42.480 They were putting shame on you. 1145 00:58:42.480 --> 00:58:47.480 And God said through Christ on the cross, shame off you. 1146 00:58:49.840 --> 00:58:53.320 Shame off you, not on you, shame off you. 1147 00:58:53.320 --> 00:58:56.400 And so when you feel that familiar pang 1148 00:58:56.400 --> 00:59:00.920 of you should be ashamed or guilt, 1149 00:59:00.920 --> 00:59:02.480 the toxic kind of guilt, 1150 00:59:02.480 --> 00:59:04.240 which really there's only one kind of guilt 1151 00:59:04.240 --> 00:59:05.600 and it is pretty toxic, 1152 00:59:06.400 --> 00:59:09.720 is God doesn't make us feel guilty. 1153 00:59:09.720 --> 00:59:12.920 He doesn't try to make us feel ashamed of ourselves. 1154 00:59:12.920 --> 00:59:13.760 He doesn't. 1155 00:59:13.760 --> 00:59:16.000 Guys, that's very manipulative and it's very controlling 1156 00:59:16.000 --> 00:59:17.080 and it's not what God does. 1157 00:59:17.080 --> 00:59:18.560 And so when you feel that, 1158 00:59:18.560 --> 00:59:20.280 immediately do some hard work around that. 1159 00:59:20.280 --> 00:59:23.880 Hey, when's the first time I ever felt this way? 1160 00:59:24.880 --> 00:59:26.560 Whose voice am I hearing right now? 1161 00:59:26.560 --> 00:59:27.440 Because it's not God's. 1162 00:59:27.440 --> 00:59:30.120 And it might be mom's or dad's or someone else's. 1163 00:59:30.120 --> 00:59:30.960 An old pastor, 1164 00:59:30.960 --> 00:59:32.920 you grew up in some legalistic denomination. 1165 00:59:32.920 --> 00:59:34.320 My mom said that her pastor 1166 00:59:34.320 --> 00:59:36.600 used to regularly come in the youth room and say, 1167 00:59:36.600 --> 00:59:38.800 somebody in here is dating someone outside the church. 1168 00:59:38.800 --> 00:59:39.920 You better stop it right now. 1169 00:59:39.920 --> 00:59:42.240 Or God's gonna take your life. 1170 00:59:42.240 --> 00:59:44.160 That's pretty extreme. 1171 00:59:44.160 --> 00:59:46.760 So when you hear that, 1172 00:59:46.800 --> 00:59:48.080 I want you to forgive that person. 1173 00:59:48.080 --> 00:59:50.040 When you realize whose voice that really is, 1174 00:59:50.040 --> 00:59:51.160 because it's not God's, 1175 00:59:51.160 --> 00:59:52.720 I want you to release that person 1176 00:59:52.720 --> 00:59:55.840 because a lot of times people are just putting on us 1177 00:59:55.840 --> 00:59:57.280 what was put on them. 1178 00:59:57.280 --> 01:00:00.000 Release them and then ask Jesus. 1179 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.140 to give you something in exchange for that. 1180 01:00:03.720 --> 01:00:04.560 Thank you. 1181 01:00:05.520 --> 01:00:07.100 All right, keep us posted on that, Brenda, 1182 01:00:07.100 --> 01:00:08.400 because I believe that you're gonna start 1183 01:00:08.400 --> 01:00:10.240 living a shame-free life, 1184 01:00:10.240 --> 01:00:13.400 and that's not gonna be good for the enemy, 1185 01:00:13.400 --> 01:00:16.400 because when you don't have shame 1186 01:00:17.280 --> 01:00:20.360 as a threat of punishment, 1187 01:00:20.360 --> 01:00:21.900 when you don't have the threat of punishment 1188 01:00:21.900 --> 01:00:24.120 because you're bad and you should be ashamed, 1189 01:00:24.120 --> 01:00:25.560 you're gonna be unstoppable. 1190 01:00:25.560 --> 01:00:27.800 Yeah, my first thought is to always feel like 1191 01:00:27.840 --> 01:00:30.320 I'm being selfish, you know? 1192 01:00:31.240 --> 01:00:33.000 That's just, it's been ingrained. 1193 01:00:33.000 --> 01:00:34.320 That comes from somewhere. 1194 01:00:34.320 --> 01:00:35.160 I'm sorry. 1195 01:00:35.160 --> 01:00:36.320 Yeah, that comes from somewhere. 1196 01:00:36.320 --> 01:00:40.720 Someone gave you that idea that you're being selfish. 1197 01:00:40.720 --> 01:00:43.600 Yeah, thank you. 1198 01:00:43.600 --> 01:00:46.280 Yeah, so unpack it. 1199 01:00:46.280 --> 01:00:47.480 It goes deeper than that, 1200 01:00:47.480 --> 01:00:49.620 and I believe that God wants you to live fully free 1201 01:00:49.620 --> 01:00:51.800 from that forever, from this point on. 1202 01:00:53.560 --> 01:00:54.600 Thank you, Jackie. 1203 01:00:55.560 --> 01:00:56.480 Yeah, you're welcome. 1204 01:00:56.480 --> 01:00:59.280 Father, just pray for Brenda right now, Lord, 1205 01:00:59.280 --> 01:01:02.560 that deep-seated condemnation, 1206 01:01:02.560 --> 01:01:07.040 that self-rejection that came as a result of voices 1207 01:01:07.040 --> 01:01:11.080 that told her that she was selfish 1208 01:01:11.080 --> 01:01:15.100 or she wanted things at the expense of others 1209 01:01:15.100 --> 01:01:18.600 or tried to make her feel guilty or ashamed of herself 1210 01:01:18.600 --> 01:01:21.480 or anything that she may have wanted to do 1211 01:01:21.480 --> 01:01:23.480 that other people didn't want her to do. 1212 01:01:23.480 --> 01:01:25.680 Father, we just break those things off right now 1213 01:01:25.680 --> 01:01:28.520 in Jesus' name, and we declare that she is free 1214 01:01:28.520 --> 01:01:31.560 from those lying voices and that she will recognize them 1215 01:01:31.560 --> 01:01:34.760 readily and speedily when they come, 1216 01:01:34.760 --> 01:01:37.720 and she will know that they are not from you 1217 01:01:37.720 --> 01:01:40.800 and that she will be able to come into agreement 1218 01:01:40.800 --> 01:01:43.840 with heaven, that she is loved, that she is accepted, 1219 01:01:43.840 --> 01:01:46.540 that the desires of her heart are not selfish, 1220 01:01:46.540 --> 01:01:49.500 but they're actually there so that she can serve others 1221 01:01:49.500 --> 01:01:51.760 because the things that you've placed in her heart, 1222 01:01:51.760 --> 01:01:53.860 the desires for what she wants to do, 1223 01:01:53.860 --> 01:01:55.480 they're actually there from you. 1224 01:01:56.160 --> 01:01:58.960 And so, Lord, we thank you for it in Jesus' name, amen. 1225 01:02:01.760 --> 01:02:02.600 Amen. 1226 01:02:02.600 --> 01:02:04.680 You guys, there's nothing selfish about self-care, 1227 01:02:04.680 --> 01:02:07.080 and there's also nothing selfish about desires 1228 01:02:07.080 --> 01:02:08.520 that we have and things we wanna do. 1229 01:02:08.520 --> 01:02:10.880 Oftentimes, those are coming from heaven, 1230 01:02:10.880 --> 01:02:12.560 and if you will follow after them, 1231 01:02:12.560 --> 01:02:15.240 you'll end up being able to help a lot of people 1232 01:02:15.240 --> 01:02:17.400 with the desires of your own heart 1233 01:02:17.400 --> 01:02:18.960 because you'll go and do those things, 1234 01:02:18.960 --> 01:02:23.460 and it'll end up being your unique serving position, right? 1235 01:02:23.460 --> 01:02:26.860 Your USP, you'll be able to, with whatever that is, 1236 01:02:26.860 --> 01:02:28.620 you'll be able to start helping people 1237 01:02:28.620 --> 01:02:30.980 at a whole different level, and that will be amazing. 1238 01:02:30.980 --> 01:02:32.940 All right, who else? 1239 01:02:34.020 --> 01:02:35.700 I got something for you. 1240 01:02:35.700 --> 01:02:37.180 Okay, okay. 1241 01:02:37.180 --> 01:02:39.900 I really appreciated how you pointed out 1242 01:02:39.900 --> 01:02:43.980 that relationship anxiety was a oxymoron, 1243 01:02:43.980 --> 01:02:46.340 and they really shouldn't be together. 1244 01:02:46.340 --> 01:02:47.980 It was very eye-opening for me, 1245 01:02:47.980 --> 01:02:49.940 and I really enjoyed hearing that, 1246 01:02:49.940 --> 01:02:53.820 and lots of things started to make sense for me. 1247 01:02:53.820 --> 01:02:57.940 I do have a supplemental question for you. 1248 01:02:57.940 --> 01:03:02.940 When is anxiety, like normal human, for an example, 1249 01:03:04.380 --> 01:03:09.380 like I dated a girl where I met her friend's family 1250 01:03:09.740 --> 01:03:13.620 in the same day, and I was feeling so anxious. 1251 01:03:13.620 --> 01:03:16.220 I'd try to pray it away, do all this stuff, 1252 01:03:16.220 --> 01:03:18.940 read the Bible just to get rid of my anxiety, 1253 01:03:18.940 --> 01:03:22.140 and I talked to a friend who told me that this was normal, 1254 01:03:22.140 --> 01:03:23.700 and when she told me this was normal, 1255 01:03:23.700 --> 01:03:25.860 all the anxiety went away and I had peace. 1256 01:03:25.860 --> 01:03:29.220 So would you be able to explain the difference? 1257 01:03:29.220 --> 01:03:30.620 Well, first of all, I think that we need 1258 01:03:30.620 --> 01:03:33.340 to reframe language, right? 1259 01:03:33.340 --> 01:03:36.580 Because fear is never from God, 1260 01:03:36.580 --> 01:03:38.940 and it's not part of our original design. 1261 01:03:38.940 --> 01:03:41.180 So we've never been created to live 1262 01:03:41.180 --> 01:03:43.820 in any kind of anxiety, okay? 1263 01:03:43.820 --> 01:03:46.140 But there can be anticipation. 1264 01:03:46.140 --> 01:03:48.620 Guys, sometimes before I go out on a stage to speak, 1265 01:03:48.940 --> 01:03:53.020 I have the butterflies and my hands feel clammy. 1266 01:03:53.020 --> 01:03:56.540 I'm not anxious, but I am anticipating, right? 1267 01:03:56.540 --> 01:03:58.940 There's a feeling of anticipation there. 1268 01:03:58.940 --> 01:04:03.580 It's not fear, it's more excitement, right? 1269 01:04:03.580 --> 01:04:06.060 Yes, there is an element of insecurity 1270 01:04:06.060 --> 01:04:07.620 that can come along with it, 1271 01:04:07.620 --> 01:04:10.340 and so probably what you were feeling that day, Justin, 1272 01:04:10.340 --> 01:04:14.020 was some insecurity, will they like me, won't they like me? 1273 01:04:14.020 --> 01:04:17.620 Also, like, oh, wow, I'm being upgraded. 1274 01:04:17.620 --> 01:04:20.300 I'm meeting this person's significant people. 1275 01:04:20.300 --> 01:04:21.380 What does that mean? 1276 01:04:21.380 --> 01:04:23.620 I get to meet their friends and their family. 1277 01:04:23.620 --> 01:04:25.540 Is this, am I getting catapulted 1278 01:04:25.540 --> 01:04:27.820 to another level of relationship here? 1279 01:04:27.820 --> 01:04:30.460 There's all kinds of things that go along with that. 1280 01:04:30.460 --> 01:04:34.700 And so, yeah, it's normal to feel a level of, 1281 01:04:34.700 --> 01:04:36.780 I'm not sure if I'm ready for this, 1282 01:04:36.780 --> 01:04:38.980 and I don't know whether or not 1283 01:04:38.980 --> 01:04:43.100 I'm going to be able to be successful, 1284 01:04:43.100 --> 01:04:44.420 but then that's when you learn, 1285 01:04:44.420 --> 01:04:47.060 that's when you lean into God's grace in those moments, 1286 01:04:47.100 --> 01:04:50.300 when you feel that type of anxiety, 1287 01:04:50.300 --> 01:04:52.220 you lean into the grace of God and you say, 1288 01:04:52.220 --> 01:04:53.100 hey, you know what? 1289 01:04:53.100 --> 01:04:56.580 This situation is more than I can handle, 1290 01:04:56.580 --> 01:05:00.380 but I know that your strength is made perfect in me. 1291 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.680 my weakness. So I'm inviting you into this with me. And I know that you and I together, 1292 01:05:05.680 --> 01:05:11.720 we can accomplish anything, right? And so it's about a reframing, you guys, we never 1293 01:05:11.720 --> 01:05:17.720 want to claim anxiety, or fear, because that's not our divine state. That is not our divine 1294 01:05:17.720 --> 01:05:24.600 design. But we are going to have moments where we feel like we don't measure up to it, we 1295 01:05:24.600 --> 01:05:29.840 have some insecurity in our flesh and in ourselves. And that's when we need to lean 1296 01:05:29.840 --> 01:05:46.040 into God's strength. All right, thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. You guys, that comes 1297 01:05:46.040 --> 01:05:52.320 back to relationship. We don't know how to do it. And that's okay. You know, even the 1298 01:05:52.320 --> 01:05:57.240 best of us, even the people that have taken the most classes, you've been to the most 1299 01:05:57.240 --> 01:06:01.080 therapy, you're still going to run into things in relationship that are above your pay grade. 1300 01:06:01.080 --> 01:06:07.000 And that's why we need God. We need God to tell us in those moments, you know, what does 1301 01:06:07.000 --> 01:06:11.400 this person need? How can I love them? Well, how can I help them feel loved? How can I 1302 01:06:11.400 --> 01:06:20.160 help form a secure attachment in this moment with with this person? And God will be happy 1303 01:06:20.240 --> 01:06:25.840 to give you ideas about that. He'll be happy to give you the language of those upgrades. 1304 01:06:27.200 --> 01:06:30.720 Right? Jenny, do you have your hand up? 1305 01:06:34.320 --> 01:06:39.040 Am I Can you hear me? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I just wrote something in the chat. And then 1306 01:06:39.920 --> 01:06:44.720 people were saying I should ask it. So I just wrote, sometimes anxiety for me can be like a 1307 01:06:44.720 --> 01:06:51.280 gut feeling that something isn't right. And then I process and pray about it. And I realized what 1308 01:06:51.280 --> 01:06:57.280 it is. So like, I have anxiety before I can put words to it. And for me, it's like, I feel like 1309 01:06:58.080 --> 01:07:04.400 has to do with my childhood and the dysfunction I grew up with not being able to, like, know what I 1310 01:07:04.400 --> 01:07:10.960 am, like hiding what I'm feeling. And so there's like a lag time for me, like, like I said, I'll 1311 01:07:10.960 --> 01:07:16.400 get this anxiety feeling. And then I'm like, Oh, that person's boundaries were, they didn't have 1312 01:07:16.400 --> 01:07:20.800 any boundaries. And they're pushing me toward something I wasn't comfortable with. And that's 1313 01:07:20.800 --> 01:07:25.520 why I'm feeling anxiety. So like, I guess, I'm just thinking, like, sometimes it can be maybe 1314 01:07:25.520 --> 01:07:32.080 like a good thing of like, like, I think I know what you're saying. And sometimes we can discern 1315 01:07:32.080 --> 01:07:37.840 and I think that it's what I think it's less anxiety. And I think that it's more, you know, 1316 01:07:37.840 --> 01:07:42.960 it's more overwhelmed. It's more, you know, there's, there's other words that we can use 1317 01:07:42.960 --> 01:07:47.040 to describe that, because you guys remember the word of God says, be fearful and anxious for 1318 01:07:47.040 --> 01:07:53.920 nothing, meaning zero things. But you know, sometimes Holy Spirit will will feel something's 1319 01:07:53.920 --> 01:08:01.360 off. You know, it will not we won't feel Shalom, something's disrupt something is where did she go? 1320 01:08:01.360 --> 01:08:12.080 She disappeared from my screen. Ah, she's gone. Okay. She's here. Oh, there you are, Jenny. Okay. 1321 01:08:12.640 --> 01:08:18.720 Sometimes there's a disruption in the forest, Jenny. There's a disruption, right? And we feel 1322 01:08:18.720 --> 01:08:24.479 that we're just like, Whoa, what is this? Right? And yeah, I don't think that we should ignore 1323 01:08:24.479 --> 01:08:29.359 that we shouldn't ignore that. Now, if you're the kind of person who's always having a level 10 1324 01:08:29.359 --> 01:08:34.640 response to a level two situation, then you need to make sure you're owning that not you, Jenny, 1325 01:08:34.640 --> 01:08:39.279 but you know, if people are doing that, make sure you're owning that people can escalate something 1326 01:08:39.279 --> 01:08:44.800 that doesn't need to be escalated. And a lot of times that has to do with, you know, unhealed 1327 01:08:44.800 --> 01:08:49.760 heart trauma, right? But what Jenny's talking about is that there are times when something 1328 01:08:49.760 --> 01:08:56.479 just doesn't sit right with her. She's feeling she's feeling something's off. Right? And, and 1329 01:08:56.479 --> 01:09:02.240 that is a good indication that something's off. And that's when we invite Holy spirit into that 1330 01:09:02.240 --> 01:09:08.880 moment and say, you know, how can I, how can I navigate this situation with honor? 1331 01:09:10.720 --> 01:09:15.279 You know, because you guys, just because other people are not on the same level of deliverance 1332 01:09:15.279 --> 01:09:19.359 or enlightenment or understanding as you are, doesn't mean God doesn't love them. 1333 01:09:20.160 --> 01:09:24.399 Right? There are even unsafe people that we don't want to dishonor them, 1334 01:09:24.399 --> 01:09:28.720 but we do want to have good boundaries with them. We don't want to dishonor them, but we do want, 1335 01:09:28.720 --> 01:09:32.960 do want to have good boundaries with them. And that's a whole nother class. Um, we can be around 1336 01:09:32.960 --> 01:09:38.240 broken people without their brokenness breaking us. We really can. I promise that. So Jenny, yes, 1337 01:09:38.240 --> 01:09:41.760 I would describe that as anxiety because once again, God doesn't want us to be anxious for 1338 01:09:41.760 --> 01:09:48.080 anything. Um, but I would describe it as, you know, we're having a feeling that is not Shalom, 1339 01:09:48.720 --> 01:09:54.240 something's off and you know, and we're, we're not ignoring it just because we want to have the 1340 01:09:54.240 --> 01:09:59.040 eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Right. It's, we don't want to ignore it. We definitely 1341 01:09:59.040 --> 01:09:59.840 want to invite. 1342 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.040 Holy Spirit into that moment to show us what we need to do. 1343 01:10:05.080 --> 01:10:08.920 Has anyone else ever been, Jenny, you included, 1344 01:10:08.920 --> 01:10:10.360 have you ever been in a situation 1345 01:10:10.360 --> 01:10:13.040 where you were clearly feeling very anxious, 1346 01:10:13.040 --> 01:10:15.280 but you knew that it wasn't coming from you? 1347 01:10:16.560 --> 01:10:18.960 Like there was nothing for you to be anxious about, 1348 01:10:18.960 --> 01:10:21.560 you've experienced anxiety, we all have. 1349 01:10:21.560 --> 01:10:22.880 This is something that, you know, 1350 01:10:22.880 --> 01:10:26.440 our world is full of fear and anxiety. 1351 01:10:26.440 --> 01:10:28.000 And every time you turn on the news 1352 01:10:28.000 --> 01:10:29.360 or you look at social media, 1353 01:10:29.360 --> 01:10:31.360 there's something there that's trying to get you 1354 01:10:31.360 --> 01:10:33.000 to be afraid of something. 1355 01:10:33.000 --> 01:10:35.880 But you just know that right now, 1356 01:10:35.880 --> 01:10:37.720 that feeling is not coming from you 1357 01:10:37.720 --> 01:10:39.440 or it's not stemming from you. 1358 01:10:39.440 --> 01:10:42.200 And that's because it's just in the atmosphere, right? 1359 01:10:43.680 --> 01:10:46.320 And because we are the children of God, 1360 01:10:46.320 --> 01:10:50.640 we are very aware of the unseen realm around us, 1361 01:10:50.640 --> 01:10:53.080 even when we don't know we're being aware of it. 1362 01:10:53.080 --> 01:10:56.960 So we're being, we're connected to that empathically. 1363 01:10:57.080 --> 01:10:59.720 And so let's make sure that we are not owning things 1364 01:10:59.720 --> 01:11:01.480 that don't belong to us. 1365 01:11:01.480 --> 01:11:03.520 Oh, you know, I feel so anxious today. 1366 01:11:03.520 --> 01:11:06.760 I feel, you know, I feel so exhausted in this situation. 1367 01:11:06.760 --> 01:11:09.520 Even you guys, when you go on these dates with people, 1368 01:11:10.520 --> 01:11:12.400 just because that person has some anxiety 1369 01:11:12.400 --> 01:11:13.960 doesn't make them a terrible person. 1370 01:11:13.960 --> 01:11:16.200 Make sure that you're not picking up their anxiety 1371 01:11:16.200 --> 01:11:17.800 and you start owning it as your own. 1372 01:11:17.800 --> 01:11:21.080 It starts making you feel anxious about the situation, 1373 01:11:21.080 --> 01:11:21.920 right? 1374 01:11:21.920 --> 01:11:22.840 Maybe they're super anxious 1375 01:11:22.840 --> 01:11:24.720 because they're not in our community 1376 01:11:24.720 --> 01:11:26.120 and they're not doing hard work. 1377 01:11:26.120 --> 01:11:27.280 It doesn't make them a bad person. 1378 01:11:27.280 --> 01:11:31.520 They might actually still even be a possible match for you, 1379 01:11:31.520 --> 01:11:34.200 but make sure that you're not picking up 1380 01:11:34.200 --> 01:11:36.920 and becoming a conduit of their stuff. 1381 01:11:38.440 --> 01:11:39.840 You're like, how can I do that? 1382 01:11:39.840 --> 01:11:41.480 You can be very self-aware. 1383 01:11:42.720 --> 01:11:44.720 Okay, you can be very prayerful 1384 01:11:44.720 --> 01:11:48.760 as you go into these connections and these appointments, 1385 01:11:48.760 --> 01:11:51.280 these divine appointments with people. 1386 01:11:51.280 --> 01:11:53.920 Guys, just recently, I'll give you an example. 1387 01:11:53.920 --> 01:11:55.680 I wanted to have my makeup done professionally 1388 01:11:56.240 --> 01:11:57.080 for my birthday. 1389 01:11:57.080 --> 01:11:59.120 I know enough about makeup to be dangerous 1390 01:11:59.120 --> 01:12:00.520 and I can do my makeup pretty good, 1391 01:12:00.520 --> 01:12:03.000 but I always have this, like it's my birthday, 1392 01:12:03.000 --> 01:12:04.600 it's my last year in my 40s. 1393 01:12:04.600 --> 01:12:06.800 I wanted to just do it up right, 1394 01:12:06.800 --> 01:12:09.800 which I ended up getting the flu the next day. 1395 01:12:09.800 --> 01:12:13.040 So I ended up not getting to really do a lot anyway. 1396 01:12:13.040 --> 01:12:16.200 So I hired this makeup artist off this app 1397 01:12:16.200 --> 01:12:19.960 and he had great reviews and not to stereotype, 1398 01:12:19.960 --> 01:12:21.320 but he was also a gay guy. 1399 01:12:21.320 --> 01:12:24.960 So I was like, he's gonna be really good at my makeup. 1400 01:12:24.960 --> 01:12:27.920 And it's gonna be like fleek, you know? 1401 01:12:27.920 --> 01:12:29.800 And it's just, so I get there too 1402 01:12:29.800 --> 01:12:31.600 where he's doing my makeup at and stuff. 1403 01:12:31.600 --> 01:12:35.720 And you all, when I say it's the worst makeup 1404 01:12:35.720 --> 01:12:38.240 that I have ever had in my entire life, 1405 01:12:38.240 --> 01:12:40.240 like, and I don't mean like overdone, 1406 01:12:40.240 --> 01:12:41.360 like drag queen makeup. 1407 01:12:41.360 --> 01:12:44.320 I mean, just like, it didn't even seem 1408 01:12:44.320 --> 01:12:46.760 like he knew what he was doing at all, right? 1409 01:12:46.760 --> 01:12:50.760 And I left there and I didn't feel like, 1410 01:12:50.760 --> 01:12:54.840 oh, I paid that money and it looks so terrible. 1411 01:12:55.680 --> 01:12:58.280 I realized that I was there for him and not for me. 1412 01:12:59.200 --> 01:13:01.320 And I really want you guys to understand 1413 01:13:01.320 --> 01:13:04.600 that sometimes even if you think that it's about you, 1414 01:13:04.600 --> 01:13:06.800 it's about you like meeting someone 1415 01:13:06.800 --> 01:13:08.600 or possibly meeting your spirit mate 1416 01:13:08.600 --> 01:13:10.680 or going on a date or being here or being there, 1417 01:13:10.680 --> 01:13:12.280 maybe it has nothing to do with your romance life, 1418 01:13:12.280 --> 01:13:14.480 but it's just something else. 1419 01:13:14.480 --> 01:13:17.360 You may not be there for you, it's not always about us. 1420 01:13:18.760 --> 01:13:21.400 Before, you know, I had my makeup done at his place 1421 01:13:21.400 --> 01:13:23.360 and before I walked into his place, 1422 01:13:23.440 --> 01:13:26.040 I always bless the place I'm about to step into. 1423 01:13:26.040 --> 01:13:29.120 The Bible says, you know, bring your peace where you go, 1424 01:13:29.120 --> 01:13:31.000 right, leave a blessing. 1425 01:13:31.000 --> 01:13:33.880 And so before I stepped in, I already knew, you know, 1426 01:13:33.880 --> 01:13:36.880 that he was living, you know, a different type of lifestyle. 1427 01:13:36.880 --> 01:13:40.480 And before I even stepped in, I brought my peace, 1428 01:13:40.480 --> 01:13:43.160 I released my peace, I brought my blessing. 1429 01:13:43.160 --> 01:13:47.240 And this young man, he couldn't even think straight 1430 01:13:47.240 --> 01:13:48.080 when he was doing my makeup. 1431 01:13:48.080 --> 01:13:49.240 He was dropping everything. 1432 01:13:49.240 --> 01:13:51.120 He kept saying, I don't know what's wrong with me today. 1433 01:13:51.120 --> 01:13:52.080 It's like, I'm dropping everything. 1434 01:13:52.080 --> 01:13:54.520 I'm thinking, I know what's wrong with you, babe. 1435 01:13:54.520 --> 01:13:56.640 You know, oh, but eat them. 1436 01:13:56.640 --> 01:13:58.520 Come on, the Ark of the Covenant 1437 01:13:58.520 --> 01:14:00.960 has come to your makeup chair today 1438 01:14:00.960 --> 01:14:03.160 because I'm full of the Holy Spirit. 1439 01:14:03.160 --> 01:14:06.040 And even though you're not doing my makeup that well, son, 1440 01:14:06.040 --> 01:14:09.680 I don't know, something else happened in here, right? 1441 01:14:09.680 --> 01:14:10.960 And let's just remember that. 1442 01:14:10.960 --> 01:14:12.280 Can we remember that? 1443 01:14:12.280 --> 01:14:15.360 Because otherwise we can get really in our feelings 1444 01:14:15.360 --> 01:14:17.760 and we can leave and be like, oh, that was a waste of time. 1445 01:14:17.760 --> 01:14:18.640 And that was a bus. 1446 01:14:18.640 --> 01:14:20.560 And that was, no, y'all, 1447 01:14:20.560 --> 01:14:22.200 let's leave people better than we found them. 1448 01:14:22.200 --> 01:14:23.960 Let's realize it's not all about us 1449 01:14:23.960 --> 01:14:26.280 and about whatever our agenda is. 1450 01:14:26.280 --> 01:14:28.640 Our agenda should be the heaven's agenda. 1451 01:14:28.640 --> 01:14:32.840 And heaven's agenda is to love people well. 1452 01:14:34.320 --> 01:14:36.240 And I will be the first person to admit 1453 01:14:36.240 --> 01:14:37.840 that I don't always do that. 1454 01:14:37.840 --> 01:14:39.480 I'm just all up in my own agenda. 1455 01:14:39.480 --> 01:14:42.880 And I forget that I'm on earth to show this world 1456 01:14:42.880 --> 01:14:45.160 what it looks like to be a daughter of God. 1457 01:14:45.160 --> 01:14:49.640 I forget that that's the assignment, right? 1458 01:14:49.640 --> 01:14:51.000 Okay, who's next? 1459 01:14:51.000 --> 01:14:51.840 Come on, I want to hear more 1460 01:14:51.840 --> 01:14:53.560 about a relationship anxiety, y'all. 1461 01:14:53.560 --> 01:14:55.000 This is the class. 1462 01:14:55.000 --> 01:14:56.000 What do you got? 1463 01:15:00.720 --> 01:15:04.720 So two, well, three things hit me. 1464 01:15:04.760 --> 01:15:09.640 First of all, that God's not a bully and that he doesn't minimize 1465 01:15:09.640 --> 01:15:12.920 me or how I feel or how I am. 1466 01:15:13.680 --> 01:15:15.720 Um, Sherry, yes. 1467 01:15:16.040 --> 01:15:18.480 Have you been around a lot of people that have minimized you? 1468 01:15:19.480 --> 01:15:24.400 I mean, like you shouldn't feel that way or, you know, just, just forget about it. 1469 01:15:24.400 --> 01:15:24.920 Let it go. 1470 01:15:24.920 --> 01:15:29.040 Like just people that just, have you been, have, were you raised in 1471 01:15:29.040 --> 01:15:30.480 an environment where you're minimized? 1472 01:15:30.480 --> 01:15:32.160 Have you felt minimized in your life? 1473 01:15:33.560 --> 01:15:38.800 Yeah, I think a lot of how I was raised, but, um, when I was married, 1474 01:15:39.720 --> 01:15:41.440 there was a lot of minimization. 1475 01:15:41.960 --> 01:15:42.320 Okay. 1476 01:15:42.960 --> 01:15:43.160 Right. 1477 01:15:43.160 --> 01:15:43.680 Keep going. 1478 01:15:44.600 --> 01:15:47.000 Um, let's see, what was the other one? 1479 01:15:47.600 --> 01:15:51.600 Um, about the voice, if the voice is tormenting or bringing anxiety. 1480 01:15:52.000 --> 01:15:58.280 And I've had fear around, um, what if God sent me back to my 1481 01:15:58.280 --> 01:16:02.320 husband or back to a former relationship? 1482 01:16:02.360 --> 01:16:05.280 And I know that's, that is not God. 1483 01:16:05.760 --> 01:16:06.000 Okay. 1484 01:16:06.000 --> 01:16:09.080 But before you go forward, I want everyone to raise your hand. 1485 01:16:09.080 --> 01:16:14.920 Who's ever had the fear that God's going to send you back to a former relationship. 1486 01:16:14.920 --> 01:16:17.320 If you surrender to him, he's going to have you forgive. 1487 01:16:17.560 --> 01:16:20.800 In fact, during the forgiveness portion of heartwork, you were scared that if 1488 01:16:20.800 --> 01:16:24.960 you forgave your husband or your former wife or old relationship, that you would 1489 01:16:25.000 --> 01:16:29.280 end up back in it because that's what that forgiveness was getting you set up 1490 01:16:29.280 --> 01:16:33.600 for all my Lord, look at all those hands, Sherry, you're not alone, honey. 1491 01:16:34.120 --> 01:16:36.360 Half this class has had that fear. 1492 01:16:36.760 --> 01:16:37.440 Look at that. 1493 01:16:38.400 --> 01:16:38.760 All right. 1494 01:16:38.760 --> 01:16:39.440 Keep going. 1495 01:16:40.800 --> 01:16:46.200 Um, I think those were the three big ones. 1496 01:16:46.280 --> 01:16:53.440 And then just even what you, what you just finished saying that maybe even 1497 01:16:53.440 --> 01:16:57.360 sometimes going on some of these discovery dates, it's not all about us. 1498 01:16:57.520 --> 01:17:03.640 And, um, I just found out that, that I've been set up on a date and I'm 1499 01:17:03.640 --> 01:17:08.200 kind of wondering, maybe that's what this is all about, but it's like, I'm, 1500 01:17:08.240 --> 01:17:11.520 I'm going to do what Jackie says, and I'm going to go on this discovery 1501 01:17:11.520 --> 01:17:14.360 date and I'm going to have fun. 1502 01:17:15.200 --> 01:17:20.040 Let's keep an open heart and an open mind because sometimes God gives us the 1503 01:17:20.040 --> 01:17:22.200 best things we never knew we even wanted. 1504 01:17:23.600 --> 01:17:23.960 Right. 1505 01:17:23.960 --> 01:17:24.960 You keep saying that. 1506 01:17:24.960 --> 01:17:31.000 So I, all right, Sherry, you're so beautiful. 1507 01:17:31.000 --> 01:17:31.960 Isn't she beautiful? 1508 01:17:32.200 --> 01:17:33.360 What a beautiful smile. 1509 01:17:33.360 --> 01:17:37.040 I love this haircut you got going on here and super cute. 1510 01:17:37.160 --> 01:17:37.560 Okay. 1511 01:17:37.560 --> 01:17:39.480 Thanks for sharing Nora, miss Nora. 1512 01:17:39.480 --> 01:17:39.920 What do you got? 1513 01:17:40.760 --> 01:17:46.640 Um, so I struggle with, um, like a fear, like a people pleasing anxiety 1514 01:17:46.640 --> 01:17:51.080 where I'm like so tuned in and sensitive to what I can set, like tell, like 1515 01:17:51.080 --> 01:17:54.600 another person wants that it gives me a lot of anxiety to think about, like 1516 01:17:55.000 --> 01:17:57.400 setting a boundary or actually like stating a need. 1517 01:17:57.440 --> 01:18:01.960 And then, um, I, then a lot of times I get so tuned into like pleasing them 1518 01:18:01.960 --> 01:18:03.160 and doing what I can tell they want. 1519 01:18:03.160 --> 01:18:07.000 I don't even tune into what I want until like way later than I'm like, Oh wait, 1520 01:18:07.040 --> 01:18:08.960 like I haven't been authentic this whole time. 1521 01:18:08.960 --> 01:18:10.840 And then I get anxious that way too. 1522 01:18:11.120 --> 01:18:14.600 So, um, but Nora, what I'm sensing when you're talking is that you 1523 01:18:14.600 --> 01:18:16.240 actually do this with the Lord too. 1524 01:18:16.400 --> 01:18:21.840 You're so tuned into what he wants that you never really actually understand 1525 01:18:21.840 --> 01:18:23.480 that he's asking you what you want. 1526 01:18:24.040 --> 01:18:24.640 Whoa. 1527 01:18:25.400 --> 01:18:26.160 That's interesting. 1528 01:18:26.200 --> 01:18:31.760 I'm feeling that so strong for you that you're so like tuned into like his, you 1529 01:18:31.760 --> 01:18:35.880 know, doing what pleases him that you don't realize that he actually wants to 1530 01:18:35.880 --> 01:18:39.080 please you, he wants you to be happy. 1531 01:18:39.720 --> 01:18:43.120 And I feel like there's a moment of freedom for you right now where you can 1532 01:18:43.120 --> 01:18:46.480 begin living for the Lord in a whole different way. 1533 01:18:46.720 --> 01:18:52.320 Understanding that, you know, his, his pleasure, um, is a lot based on, 1534 01:18:52.320 --> 01:18:53.120 you know, your pleasure. 1535 01:18:53.120 --> 01:18:57.080 Like think about like when you give your child a gift, like, you know, you get so 1536 01:18:57.080 --> 01:19:02.440 much pleasure in watching them enjoy, um, and have pleasure in the thing that, you 1537 01:19:02.440 --> 01:19:04.480 know, you so intentionally gave to them. 1538 01:19:04.480 --> 01:19:06.680 And I feel like that's a moment for you and father. 1539 01:19:07.200 --> 01:19:07.800 Wow. 1540 01:19:07.840 --> 01:19:08.440 That's good. 1541 01:19:08.440 --> 01:19:08.800 Thank you. 1542 01:19:08.800 --> 01:19:09.000 Yeah. 1543 01:19:09.000 --> 01:19:10.120 I think there is something on that. 1544 01:19:10.120 --> 01:19:12.960 Cause I tend to think like, you know, kind of like what you were saying 1545 01:19:12.960 --> 01:19:15.400 earlier, I actually thought that God wanted me to work with kids too, or like 1546 01:19:15.400 --> 01:19:16.720 God wants me to be miserable. 1547 01:19:16.760 --> 01:19:18.120 And I don't know where that came from. 1548 01:19:19.320 --> 01:19:19.920 Religion. 1549 01:19:20.440 --> 01:19:22.120 Religion tells us that it's miserable. 1550 01:19:22.120 --> 01:19:23.280 You guys look at the law. 1551 01:19:23.280 --> 01:19:24.640 The law was miserable. 1552 01:19:24.640 --> 01:19:28.000 These people, they had to spend all day long, crossing their T's and 1553 01:19:28.000 --> 01:19:31.920 dotting their eyes, just to hope to make it without having to, you know, kill 1554 01:19:31.920 --> 01:19:37.480 another animal and to cover the blood of, you know, their, their sin and push it 1555 01:19:37.480 --> 01:19:40.080 back, you know, far away from them for another year. 1556 01:19:40.320 --> 01:19:41.280 I mean, it was awful. 1557 01:19:41.680 --> 01:19:43.400 Religion is gross. 1558 01:19:44.000 --> 01:19:44.560 Wow. 1559 01:19:44.640 --> 01:19:45.560 Everyone say it with me. 1560 01:19:45.560 --> 01:19:46.920 Religion is gross. 1561 01:19:48.240 --> 01:19:48.680 Yes. 1562 01:19:48.680 --> 01:19:49.320 It's ill. 1563 01:19:49.320 --> 01:19:51.120 It's L L. 1564 01:19:51.400 --> 01:19:51.880 All right. 1565 01:19:51.920 --> 01:19:52.520 Totally. 1566 01:19:52.640 --> 01:19:56.640 And it served its purpose for the time that it was here because Jesus has come. 1567 01:19:56.640 --> 01:20:00.000 John 10, 10, there's realized the thief in John 10. 1568 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.880 and is religion, right? 1569 01:20:01.880 --> 01:20:03.080 It's not the devil. 1570 01:20:03.080 --> 01:20:04.800 Read the whole chapter of John 10. 1571 01:20:04.800 --> 01:20:06.200 It is the bad shepherds. 1572 01:20:06.200 --> 01:20:08.600 It's those that are using the law 1573 01:20:08.600 --> 01:20:12.160 to manipulate people and control them. 1574 01:20:12.160 --> 01:20:13.840 And he said, but I'm the good shepherd. 1575 01:20:13.840 --> 01:20:15.680 And I have come that you might have life 1576 01:20:15.680 --> 01:20:17.360 and that you might have it to overflow. 1577 01:20:17.360 --> 01:20:19.800 You might have, you might be free from what? 1578 01:20:19.800 --> 01:20:20.960 The law. 1579 01:20:20.960 --> 01:20:23.160 All you that are weary and heavy laden, 1580 01:20:23.160 --> 01:20:24.600 come to me and I will give you rest. 1581 01:20:24.600 --> 01:20:26.040 What do you think he was talking about? 1582 01:20:26.040 --> 01:20:26.960 The law. 1583 01:20:26.960 --> 01:20:28.400 Those of you that are yoked 1584 01:20:28.440 --> 01:20:30.280 with the law of these rabbis 1585 01:20:30.280 --> 01:20:31.880 that keep you running day and night 1586 01:20:31.880 --> 01:20:33.160 and it's never good enough. 1587 01:20:33.160 --> 01:20:34.000 Come to me. 1588 01:20:34.000 --> 01:20:36.320 My yoke is easy and my burden is light. 1589 01:20:36.320 --> 01:20:38.320 Y'all don't just read the Bible, read the Bible. 1590 01:20:38.320 --> 01:20:41.000 That is what it's about. 1591 01:20:41.000 --> 01:20:42.120 Come on. 1592 01:20:42.120 --> 01:20:44.080 That is what it's about. 1593 01:20:44.080 --> 01:20:45.440 All right, Robin Moody. 1594 01:20:45.440 --> 01:20:46.280 What do you got? 1595 01:20:48.600 --> 01:20:49.440 Hi. 1596 01:20:49.440 --> 01:20:52.040 So when you asked this question about relationship anxiety, 1597 01:20:52.040 --> 01:20:54.960 I initially said, I don't know. 1598 01:20:54.960 --> 01:20:58.640 But I realized that there is an area. 1599 01:20:58.640 --> 01:21:00.600 Sorry, I have a little bit of a sore throat. 1600 01:21:01.640 --> 01:21:06.280 So with the course, I'm doing some level two dating. 1601 01:21:06.280 --> 01:21:09.080 I did have one brief level three dating 1602 01:21:09.080 --> 01:21:13.040 and I realized I went into level three a little early. 1603 01:21:13.040 --> 01:21:16.440 My question though is more anticipatory. 1604 01:21:16.440 --> 01:21:20.520 So if I end up being in a level three relationship, 1605 01:21:20.520 --> 01:21:23.760 an area that I know where I've struggled a lot 1606 01:21:23.760 --> 01:21:27.800 being a Christian is I've had some very bad situations 1607 01:21:27.800 --> 01:21:31.200 in charismatic circles with dates, mates, babies 1608 01:21:31.200 --> 01:21:34.880 and setups and trying to figure out like the one. 1609 01:21:34.880 --> 01:21:38.400 And so I love y'all, but my focus, 1610 01:21:38.400 --> 01:21:40.240 I'm not listening to what the Lord, 1611 01:21:41.120 --> 01:21:42.440 I think the Lord has said this 1612 01:21:42.440 --> 01:21:44.920 because I don't think I hear clearly on that 1613 01:21:44.920 --> 01:21:48.000 and I'm into the prophetic, but I just know. 1614 01:21:48.000 --> 01:21:52.840 So I'm pretty sure that when I get to that point 1615 01:21:52.880 --> 01:21:55.920 that that will be like a high driver. 1616 01:21:55.920 --> 01:21:57.920 Like it was a very bad situation 1617 01:21:57.920 --> 01:21:59.040 that happened a number of years ago. 1618 01:21:59.040 --> 01:22:01.480 So I do have a lady at my church 1619 01:22:01.480 --> 01:22:03.360 that does inner healing and counseling 1620 01:22:03.360 --> 01:22:04.680 and she knows about this program. 1621 01:22:04.680 --> 01:22:06.440 And she's like, good for you for getting out there 1622 01:22:06.440 --> 01:22:08.040 unlike some other voices. 1623 01:22:08.040 --> 01:22:09.600 So I am gonna talk to her, 1624 01:22:09.600 --> 01:22:12.200 but I just wondered if you have any insight 1625 01:22:12.200 --> 01:22:13.760 because you coach a lot of people, 1626 01:22:13.760 --> 01:22:16.920 if anyone else has been through a bad, 1627 01:22:18.160 --> 01:22:20.520 people trying to set you up and give you words 1628 01:22:20.560 --> 01:22:22.840 and he has words and then at all. 1629 01:22:22.840 --> 01:22:24.520 Of course, yeah, tons of people. 1630 01:22:24.520 --> 01:22:27.720 There's even people that have married people 1631 01:22:27.720 --> 01:22:30.760 that their pastors told them were the one for them. 1632 01:22:30.760 --> 01:22:32.120 Someone else told them, 1633 01:22:32.120 --> 01:22:33.880 there are people that haven't married people 1634 01:22:33.880 --> 01:22:37.240 because some religious voice in their life told them 1635 01:22:37.240 --> 01:22:38.840 that they weren't the one for them. 1636 01:22:38.840 --> 01:22:42.520 And then they've had regret ever since 1637 01:22:42.520 --> 01:22:44.840 because they really miss that person and love that person. 1638 01:22:44.840 --> 01:22:47.160 I've heard it all and seen it all. 1639 01:22:47.160 --> 01:22:49.320 And that is why we're here to heal our heart. 1640 01:22:49.320 --> 01:22:52.480 We're here to heal our receptors, right? 1641 01:22:52.480 --> 01:22:55.520 The reason why most churches that are prophetic 1642 01:22:55.520 --> 01:22:59.240 have the rule that you don't prophesy dates, mates or babies 1643 01:22:59.240 --> 01:23:03.080 is because a lot of hurt can come from those words, 1644 01:23:03.080 --> 01:23:05.360 especially if you're in the soul realm. 1645 01:23:05.360 --> 01:23:09.120 And a lot of people have had those bad experiences 1646 01:23:09.120 --> 01:23:10.800 which that's why it's become a rule. 1647 01:23:10.800 --> 01:23:13.480 Like enough people have been hurt by that kind of stuff 1648 01:23:13.480 --> 01:23:14.720 that it's become a rule. 1649 01:23:14.720 --> 01:23:16.880 So you guys, I just wanna let you know 1650 01:23:16.880 --> 01:23:19.720 that God is with you and he is for you 1651 01:23:19.720 --> 01:23:23.480 and he's created you for relationship and for partnership. 1652 01:23:23.480 --> 01:23:26.320 And as you move forward in healing your heart, 1653 01:23:27.400 --> 01:23:30.400 all these things in the past that have happened 1654 01:23:30.400 --> 01:23:34.560 that have caused you to now be offended in different areas 1655 01:23:34.560 --> 01:23:37.080 and maybe have a bit of a hardness of hearing 1656 01:23:37.080 --> 01:23:39.200 or heart in that area because of that, 1657 01:23:39.200 --> 01:23:40.920 God will soften your heart. 1658 01:23:40.920 --> 01:23:43.080 He will soften your heart in those areas. 1659 01:23:43.080 --> 01:23:45.000 And as you continue with him 1660 01:23:45.040 --> 01:23:49.320 and you will know the truth in those areas about yourself 1661 01:23:49.320 --> 01:23:50.760 but the thing that he wants you to know 1662 01:23:50.760 --> 01:23:55.320 most importantly tonight is you have a choice. 1663 01:23:55.320 --> 01:23:57.000 You have a choice. 1664 01:23:57.000 --> 01:23:58.120 You don't have to do anything 1665 01:23:58.120 --> 01:23:59.600 that you don't have peace about. 1666 01:23:59.600 --> 01:24:00.840 You have a choice. 1667 01:24:00.840 --> 01:24:01.960 God's not bullying you. 1668 01:24:01.960 --> 01:24:03.000 He's not rushing you. 1669 01:24:03.000 --> 01:24:04.520 He's not forcing you. 1670 01:24:04.520 --> 01:24:05.640 He's not coercing you. 1671 01:24:05.640 --> 01:24:06.840 He's not manipulating you. 1672 01:24:06.840 --> 01:24:08.280 He's not doing any of those things. 1673 01:24:08.280 --> 01:24:10.120 And so if anyone else is doing that 1674 01:24:10.120 --> 01:24:13.160 then they're not operating in his spirit. 1675 01:24:13.160 --> 01:24:16.120 For instance, I had a coaching client last night 1676 01:24:16.120 --> 01:24:20.120 and so I'm gonna tell this very generically 1677 01:24:20.120 --> 01:24:22.600 to just protect privacy 1678 01:24:22.600 --> 01:24:26.400 but there's two guys in this woman's life. 1679 01:24:26.400 --> 01:24:29.880 One of those guys is very respectful, 1680 01:24:29.880 --> 01:24:31.680 very kind, very caring. 1681 01:24:31.680 --> 01:24:33.480 She's attracted to both of them 1682 01:24:33.480 --> 01:24:36.120 but attracted to them in different ways, right? 1683 01:24:36.120 --> 01:24:37.920 And the kind and caring man, 1684 01:24:37.920 --> 01:24:39.520 he definitely wants to be exclusive 1685 01:24:39.520 --> 01:24:41.360 and she said, she's really not ready for that yet. 1686 01:24:41.400 --> 01:24:42.240 He understood 1687 01:24:42.240 --> 01:24:44.200 and he didn't treat her any differently 1688 01:24:44.200 --> 01:24:46.440 and still doesn't even though that's, 1689 01:24:46.440 --> 01:24:49.360 obviously he wanted to make things exclusive 1690 01:24:49.360 --> 01:24:50.880 and get more serious 1691 01:24:50.880 --> 01:24:52.320 and she wasn't ready for that. 1692 01:24:52.320 --> 01:24:55.040 The other guy, she's no longer 1693 01:24:55.040 --> 01:24:56.880 and she's had to cut him off several times 1694 01:24:56.880 --> 01:24:58.760 because he's gotten to a place 1695 01:24:58.760 --> 01:25:00.360 where it's become very intense. 1696 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.840 and she wasn't sure in her heart 1697 01:25:01.840 --> 01:25:03.240 and she didn't know what decision to make. 1698 01:25:03.240 --> 01:25:05.840 So she's like, hey, I need you to slow down and back off. 1699 01:25:05.840 --> 01:25:08.400 I need you to stop contacting me for a while. 1700 01:25:08.400 --> 01:25:09.320 Let me think. 1701 01:25:09.320 --> 01:25:11.000 But he wouldn't. 1702 01:25:11.000 --> 01:25:13.360 He'd be gone for a while, then he'd show back up 1703 01:25:13.360 --> 01:25:15.600 and then he'd be like, but I miss you and stuff. 1704 01:25:15.600 --> 01:25:17.600 And it would always be under romantic terms 1705 01:25:17.600 --> 01:25:19.120 that he would show back up. 1706 01:25:19.120 --> 01:25:20.480 And you guys, I know it's very subtle, 1707 01:25:20.480 --> 01:25:22.840 but I wanna point out to you something. 1708 01:25:22.840 --> 01:25:25.840 One man is respecting her boundaries and the other's not. 1709 01:25:26.800 --> 01:25:29.720 And even the more intense, emotional man 1710 01:25:29.720 --> 01:25:32.960 that is, more romantic and exciting, 1711 01:25:32.960 --> 01:25:36.800 he's not respecting her boundaries, okay? 1712 01:25:36.800 --> 01:25:38.040 He wants what he wants. 1713 01:25:38.040 --> 01:25:38.920 He has an agenda. 1714 01:25:38.920 --> 01:25:40.600 He wants her to be his. 1715 01:25:40.600 --> 01:25:42.680 And while I know that that sounds very romantic 1716 01:25:42.680 --> 01:25:44.840 because of the movies and the TV 1717 01:25:44.840 --> 01:25:46.040 and the things that we've watched, 1718 01:25:46.040 --> 01:25:48.760 you guys, it's actually not just dishonoring, 1719 01:25:48.760 --> 01:25:51.240 it could actually be a harbinger 1720 01:25:51.240 --> 01:25:54.360 of unsafe behavior later in relationship. 1721 01:25:55.480 --> 01:25:58.440 If you're telling someone that you're confused 1722 01:25:58.440 --> 01:25:59.960 and that you need time to think 1723 01:25:59.960 --> 01:26:02.960 and you're asking them to please allow you some space 1724 01:26:02.960 --> 01:26:04.080 and they don't give you that, 1725 01:26:04.080 --> 01:26:06.800 they're not gonna give you that marriage either. 1726 01:26:06.800 --> 01:26:08.360 In fact, they're probably gonna be the person 1727 01:26:08.360 --> 01:26:11.640 that follows you around from room to room 1728 01:26:11.640 --> 01:26:13.040 when there's a disagreement, 1729 01:26:13.040 --> 01:26:18.040 forcing their opinion and themselves upon you, 1730 01:26:20.040 --> 01:26:23.440 coursing, manipulating, trying to get you to come around 1731 01:26:23.440 --> 01:26:24.560 to their way of thinking, 1732 01:26:24.560 --> 01:26:27.480 or even to forcing you to try to even do something 1733 01:26:27.520 --> 01:26:30.920 as benign as make up with them when there's an argument, 1734 01:26:31.800 --> 01:26:34.280 even though you're not ready for that conversation yet 1735 01:26:34.280 --> 01:26:35.480 and you need time to cool down 1736 01:26:35.480 --> 01:26:36.440 and you need time to think 1737 01:26:36.440 --> 01:26:38.200 and you're in a place of confusion. 1738 01:26:38.200 --> 01:26:41.360 Y'all, none of that is healthy behavior. 1739 01:26:42.920 --> 01:26:45.960 None of that's healthy behavior, okay? 1740 01:26:45.960 --> 01:26:50.040 And that is a actual red flag. 1741 01:26:51.520 --> 01:26:56.520 So I say that to say to Robin and to anybody else 1742 01:26:56.600 --> 01:27:00.440 that we need time to think, 1743 01:27:00.440 --> 01:27:02.920 we need time to process through things. 1744 01:27:02.920 --> 01:27:07.920 And sometimes things that are unhealthy 1745 01:27:08.200 --> 01:27:10.720 don't necessarily look unhealthy on the outside. 1746 01:27:12.040 --> 01:27:16.760 It looks like what we used to think of as romantic. 1747 01:27:16.760 --> 01:27:18.440 And oh, they just can't live without me 1748 01:27:18.440 --> 01:27:20.320 and they just miss me so much. 1749 01:27:20.320 --> 01:27:25.320 No, they're not respecting or honoring your wishes. 1750 01:27:25.320 --> 01:27:28.480 That's really what's happening there, okay? 1751 01:27:28.480 --> 01:27:31.880 Because remember, we've over romanticized in a toxic way, 1752 01:27:36.160 --> 01:27:40.200 romance or relationships that are not platonic. 1753 01:27:40.200 --> 01:27:42.240 So we gotta be careful with that stuff. 1754 01:27:42.240 --> 01:27:45.360 So Robin, I believe that God is going to put you in a place 1755 01:27:45.360 --> 01:27:47.800 where you feel secure with your choices 1756 01:27:47.800 --> 01:27:50.200 and you don't feel like you're being pressured 1757 01:27:50.200 --> 01:27:51.880 by the prophetic. 1758 01:27:51.880 --> 01:27:54.400 So we just break that off of you. 1759 01:27:54.400 --> 01:27:57.160 Anyone who's ever felt pressured by the prophetic, 1760 01:27:57.160 --> 01:28:01.760 God's spirit, Holy Spirit does not pressure us. 1761 01:28:02.960 --> 01:28:06.680 It's the spirit of love, okay? 1762 01:28:06.680 --> 01:28:11.120 So if you have ever felt pressured, hurried, overwhelmed, 1763 01:28:12.240 --> 01:28:15.560 then that is not coming from heaven, right? 1764 01:28:19.720 --> 01:28:20.560 And I will tell you guys, 1765 01:28:20.560 --> 01:28:22.880 if you're ever in a situation where someone says, 1766 01:28:22.920 --> 01:28:25.320 well, God told me that you're my spouse 1767 01:28:25.320 --> 01:28:28.760 and you're not there yet with that person 1768 01:28:28.760 --> 01:28:32.240 and it's something that they're telling you, 1769 01:28:32.240 --> 01:28:36.000 especially like really soon into the relationship, 1770 01:28:36.000 --> 01:28:41.000 that's definitely a sign that that person 1771 01:28:41.160 --> 01:28:46.160 is spiritually immature at best and manipulative at worst. 1772 01:28:49.040 --> 01:28:51.920 So we need to be careful in those situations, okay? 1773 01:28:53.160 --> 01:28:54.240 All right, Beena. 1774 01:28:55.800 --> 01:28:58.320 Yeah, so one of the things that I jotted down 1775 01:28:58.320 --> 01:29:03.320 that you said was the voice that you're hearing 1776 01:29:04.760 --> 01:29:06.720 tormenting is a religious lie 1777 01:29:06.720 --> 01:29:08.920 and where is that lie coming from? 1778 01:29:08.920 --> 01:29:11.920 And I had jotted that down, 1779 01:29:11.920 --> 01:29:14.960 but as you were talking like a couple of, 1780 01:29:14.960 --> 01:29:16.320 like a paragraph before, 1781 01:29:16.320 --> 01:29:19.440 like I felt like the Lord was kind of talking to me 1782 01:29:19.440 --> 01:29:21.840 along that lines already and I had written down, 1783 01:29:21.880 --> 01:29:24.760 Lord, what's the lie that I'm believing about you 1784 01:29:24.760 --> 01:29:27.040 that I feel like I'm disappointing myself. 1785 01:29:28.600 --> 01:29:30.520 I had quit my job in the fall 1786 01:29:30.520 --> 01:29:33.400 and started my own private practice. 1787 01:29:33.400 --> 01:29:37.160 So I have a lot more free time on my hands 1788 01:29:37.160 --> 01:29:42.160 and it's looked a lot different than like other time periods. 1789 01:29:42.600 --> 01:29:45.760 I'm not like trying to fill it with a bunch of stuff. 1790 01:29:45.760 --> 01:29:47.560 And I feel in some ways, 1791 01:29:47.560 --> 01:29:49.960 I feel like I'm disappointing the Lord 1792 01:29:49.960 --> 01:29:52.720 because of how I'm using my time. 1793 01:29:52.720 --> 01:29:55.360 I'm not necessarily spending more time. 1794 01:29:55.360 --> 01:29:58.080 Like this is what I feel like I'm telling myself 1795 01:29:58.080 --> 01:30:00.160 that the Lord is disappointed because. 1796 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.000 as I'm not using it to like have in-depth Bible studies 1797 01:30:05.000 --> 01:30:07.180 or have this praise and worship time. 1798 01:30:08.720 --> 01:30:13.720 And I just have a very relaxed pace 1799 01:30:14.440 --> 01:30:18.160 and I'm not rushing to like fill it with other stuff 1800 01:30:18.160 --> 01:30:19.160 if that makes sense. 1801 01:30:21.880 --> 01:30:23.520 Yeah, no, it does make sense. 1802 01:30:23.520 --> 01:30:25.400 And I hope that you give yourself permission 1803 01:30:25.400 --> 01:30:26.840 to enjoy this rest. 1804 01:30:26.840 --> 01:30:28.880 That was what I was feeling the Lord was saying, 1805 01:30:28.880 --> 01:30:29.920 just permission. 1806 01:30:29.920 --> 01:30:32.160 You guys, just so you know, 1807 01:30:32.160 --> 01:30:34.320 you are a spirit that lives in a body 1808 01:30:34.320 --> 01:30:35.720 that possesses a soul. 1809 01:30:35.720 --> 01:30:38.480 And that means that everything that you do is spiritual 1810 01:30:38.480 --> 01:30:42.480 because you are a spirit, you're not a body, okay? 1811 01:30:42.480 --> 01:30:46.480 And so when you walk in nature, you're being spiritual. 1812 01:30:46.480 --> 01:30:48.720 You know, when you go to the grocery store, 1813 01:30:48.720 --> 01:30:49.640 you're being spiritual. 1814 01:30:49.640 --> 01:30:53.280 When you lay on your couch and you just sit there 1815 01:30:53.280 --> 01:30:56.400 and daydream, you're being spiritual, you're a spirit. 1816 01:30:56.400 --> 01:30:59.480 And so a lot of times, especially us church kids 1817 01:30:59.480 --> 01:31:02.080 and people and people that grew up in the church 1818 01:31:02.080 --> 01:31:03.160 or, and that wasn't me, 1819 01:31:03.160 --> 01:31:05.800 but people that have been to a lot of church, 1820 01:31:05.800 --> 01:31:07.680 you think that unless you're doing something 1821 01:31:07.680 --> 01:31:11.760 that's overtly churchy, like teach a Bible study 1822 01:31:11.760 --> 01:31:13.840 or have worship or what Bina's talking about, 1823 01:31:13.840 --> 01:31:15.800 that you're not being spiritual. 1824 01:31:15.800 --> 01:31:18.600 And, you know, some people feel the presence of God 1825 01:31:18.600 --> 01:31:21.320 more powerfully ever when they're just taking a walk 1826 01:31:21.320 --> 01:31:23.600 on a hiking trail, you know? 1827 01:31:23.600 --> 01:31:25.320 And so I wanna encourage you, Bina, 1828 01:31:25.320 --> 01:31:27.920 to enjoy this transition time 1829 01:31:27.920 --> 01:31:29.680 is what I really feel the Lord saying 1830 01:31:29.680 --> 01:31:32.640 and enjoy the new ways in which God is encountering you 1831 01:31:32.640 --> 01:31:35.400 and loving on you and, you know, get some good rest 1832 01:31:35.400 --> 01:31:37.760 cause I feel like you're gonna be really busy soon. 1833 01:31:38.800 --> 01:31:39.760 Busy in a good way. 1834 01:31:45.120 --> 01:31:46.520 Hopefully that's helpful. 1835 01:31:46.520 --> 01:31:47.720 Bina disappeared again. 1836 01:31:47.720 --> 01:31:49.040 I have no idea where everyone's going. 1837 01:31:49.040 --> 01:31:50.080 Elizabeth Fishman. 1838 01:31:50.920 --> 01:31:52.320 Thank you, Jackie. 1839 01:31:52.320 --> 01:31:54.840 You mentioned earlier to someone else, 1840 01:31:54.840 --> 01:31:58.280 like something about like God, 1841 01:31:58.280 --> 01:32:02.400 like engaging us and like, like asking us the question, 1842 01:32:02.400 --> 01:32:03.440 like, what do you want? 1843 01:32:03.440 --> 01:32:06.000 And this is like the first time in dating, 1844 01:32:06.000 --> 01:32:07.240 there's just been so much healing 1845 01:32:07.240 --> 01:32:09.200 that like I'm actually hearing him, 1846 01:32:09.200 --> 01:32:12.760 like continually asking me, like, you know, 1847 01:32:12.760 --> 01:32:15.040 as I'm going on these discovery dates 1848 01:32:15.040 --> 01:32:17.520 and doing like level one dating, 1849 01:32:17.760 --> 01:32:19.320 like getting to know each other, 1850 01:32:20.320 --> 01:32:22.200 like him asking me the question, like, 1851 01:32:22.200 --> 01:32:24.360 well, do you wanna talk to them again? 1852 01:32:24.360 --> 01:32:26.120 Do you like them? 1853 01:32:26.120 --> 01:32:29.840 Do you, you know, what do you like about them? 1854 01:32:29.840 --> 01:32:33.280 And it's just been really like, 1855 01:32:33.280 --> 01:32:36.160 like just altering my whole mindset, 1856 01:32:36.160 --> 01:32:39.480 whereas like I used to, I would go on a date 1857 01:32:39.480 --> 01:32:44.040 and just future trip and like, no, like cancel it 1858 01:32:44.360 --> 01:32:46.760 before, you know, it could even be something. 1859 01:32:46.760 --> 01:32:48.360 So I'm really following this. 1860 01:32:48.360 --> 01:32:50.960 It's a yes until it's a no. 1861 01:32:50.960 --> 01:32:51.800 Yeah. 1862 01:32:51.800 --> 01:32:53.720 And a lot of fun with it actually. 1863 01:32:53.720 --> 01:32:58.720 And just a lot more peace in just interacting 1864 01:32:58.960 --> 01:33:03.440 with other guys and just really engaging with the Lord, 1865 01:33:03.440 --> 01:33:07.320 like what it is that I, what's important to me. 1866 01:33:08.400 --> 01:33:09.240 Yeah. 1867 01:33:09.240 --> 01:33:10.080 I love that. 1868 01:33:10.080 --> 01:33:10.920 I love that. 1869 01:33:10.920 --> 01:33:11.760 Yeah. 1870 01:33:12.000 --> 01:33:12.840 I love that. 1871 01:33:12.840 --> 01:33:14.000 I love that. 1872 01:33:14.000 --> 01:33:17.360 Your Honor, you're in a discovery season 1873 01:33:17.360 --> 01:33:19.800 of getting to find out like that movie, 1874 01:33:19.800 --> 01:33:22.720 The Runaway Bride, like, what do you like? 1875 01:33:22.720 --> 01:33:24.080 Now, especially for those of you 1876 01:33:24.080 --> 01:33:26.920 that you got into relationships young, 1877 01:33:26.920 --> 01:33:29.400 they were relationships that you would choose now 1878 01:33:29.400 --> 01:33:32.400 that you know better, but they were forced upon you, 1879 01:33:32.400 --> 01:33:33.880 you know, in a lot of ways 1880 01:33:33.880 --> 01:33:35.240 because you just didn't know any better. 1881 01:33:35.240 --> 01:33:37.920 Then it's important that you take time to learn, 1882 01:33:37.920 --> 01:33:41.280 like not just who you've become now that you're older, 1883 01:33:41.280 --> 01:33:43.640 but like, what do you like in this season of your life? 1884 01:33:43.640 --> 01:33:44.480 What don't you like? 1885 01:33:44.480 --> 01:33:46.120 You guys, that's gonna be really important 1886 01:33:46.120 --> 01:33:48.520 as you meet people that you're giving yourself. 1887 01:33:48.520 --> 01:33:49.760 And that's true boundaries to me. 1888 01:33:49.760 --> 01:33:50.600 Who am I? 1889 01:33:50.600 --> 01:33:51.560 Who am I not? 1890 01:33:51.560 --> 01:33:52.400 What do I like? 1891 01:33:52.400 --> 01:33:53.240 What do I don't like? 1892 01:33:53.240 --> 01:33:54.080 What do I want? 1893 01:33:54.080 --> 01:33:54.920 What don't I want? 1894 01:33:54.920 --> 01:33:55.760 You know, those are important things 1895 01:33:55.760 --> 01:33:58.680 that you have to ask yourself in order to choose right. 1896 01:33:58.680 --> 01:34:00.160 I saw some people posting in the chat 1897 01:34:00.160 --> 01:34:01.760 about being in a situation that, you know, 1898 01:34:01.760 --> 01:34:03.560 you're allowed some downtime, 1899 01:34:03.560 --> 01:34:04.960 you're allowed some fun time away 1900 01:34:04.960 --> 01:34:07.600 from like spiritual things, that's great. 1901 01:34:07.600 --> 01:34:09.560 But I want us to all get into the mindset 1902 01:34:09.560 --> 01:34:11.720 that everything is spiritual. 1903 01:34:13.960 --> 01:34:16.160 Everything is spiritual. 1904 01:34:16.160 --> 01:34:18.240 It's important because otherwise 1905 01:34:18.240 --> 01:34:20.160 you're just gonna think of, you know, 1906 01:34:20.160 --> 01:34:22.360 you're only gonna think of God 1907 01:34:22.360 --> 01:34:25.320 as him living in a church somewhere in a building 1908 01:34:25.320 --> 01:34:27.280 or when you go on some kind of spiritual 1909 01:34:27.280 --> 01:34:29.800 like missions trip or outreach, you know, 1910 01:34:29.800 --> 01:34:31.720 talking to homeless people or something. 1911 01:34:31.720 --> 01:34:35.720 God is always with you because you're in him. 1912 01:34:35.720 --> 01:34:38.160 It's within him that you live and you move 1913 01:34:38.160 --> 01:34:39.240 and you have your being. 1914 01:34:39.920 --> 01:34:40.760 That's where you are right now. 1915 01:34:40.760 --> 01:34:42.720 We can't separate ourselves from God. 1916 01:34:42.720 --> 01:34:46.080 Everything about us is our God life. 1917 01:34:46.080 --> 01:34:48.920 In fact, the Bible calls it, 1918 01:34:48.920 --> 01:34:51.200 you're getting up, laying down, 1919 01:34:51.200 --> 01:34:53.200 eating, drinking, everyday life. 1920 01:34:53.200 --> 01:34:54.680 And it's important that you understand 1921 01:34:54.680 --> 01:34:57.280 that it's full of God all the time. 1922 01:34:57.280 --> 01:35:00.200 Okay, all the time, all the time. 1923 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.400 time. All right. Okay. Um, let's see. We have a couple more 1924 01:35:04.400 --> 01:35:09.080 Courtney, Joanna Spencer. I just wanted to say your whole name 1925 01:35:09.080 --> 01:35:13.400 because I thought it sounded great. Courtney. And I love I 1926 01:35:13.400 --> 01:35:19.560 love my full name. That's why it's there. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so 1927 01:35:19.680 --> 01:35:23.320 yeah, I was so grateful when I saw you post or you sent a 1928 01:35:23.320 --> 01:35:26.960 reminder about relational anxiety because today I was like, 1929 01:35:27.280 --> 01:35:29.840 God, I can't get over this anxiety. And I like need 1930 01:35:29.840 --> 01:35:34.200 something deeper. And I find I'm kind of the opposite of what 1931 01:35:34.200 --> 01:35:36.800 you've been posing. It's more that anxious attachment where 1932 01:35:36.800 --> 01:35:42.920 it's like, will you pick me? And I find I can't like, get out of 1933 01:35:42.920 --> 01:35:47.320 the goal. Are you you're frozen? Am I frozen? Okay, great. Um, 1934 01:35:47.600 --> 01:35:49.560 yeah, I can't get out of that cycle. Like the current 1935 01:35:49.560 --> 01:35:55.800 situation for me is I was really close friends with the guy we 1936 01:35:55.800 --> 01:35:58.400 talked about dating. This was like a year and a half ago. And 1937 01:35:58.400 --> 01:36:02.280 then he just disappeared. And it was really unhealthy. And he 1938 01:36:02.280 --> 01:36:06.520 just recently came back and has shown up very differently. And 1939 01:36:06.520 --> 01:36:10.000 I'm showing up very differently. We're, we're just friends right 1940 01:36:10.000 --> 01:36:12.960 now. Like, there's not that anxiety. There's a lot of peace. 1941 01:36:12.960 --> 01:36:15.800 But I can tell I'm bringing, he's coming to visit this 1942 01:36:15.800 --> 01:36:19.600 weekend. And I'm bringing this like, I hope you pick me rather 1943 01:36:19.600 --> 01:36:24.880 than like, let me enjoy this time and each step and like, not 1944 01:36:24.880 --> 01:36:28.480 this. I'm a prize. You'd be lucky to pick me. But like, it 1945 01:36:28.480 --> 01:36:31.000 feels like that pick me choose me. Love me. Meredith Gray. 1946 01:36:31.880 --> 01:36:32.920 Grey's Anatomy. 1947 01:36:34.480 --> 01:36:37.760 I haven't I haven't watched Grey's Anatomy. I know. I do 1948 01:36:37.760 --> 01:36:40.440 know what you're talking about. But yeah, I death because I've 1949 01:36:40.440 --> 01:36:44.120 seen the memes. But I just, you know, and the reason why I think 1950 01:36:44.120 --> 01:36:48.120 you feel this way, Courtney is because this this is like, it's 1951 01:36:48.120 --> 01:36:52.920 not a new thing. It's like an old thing that got cut off. 1952 01:36:53.320 --> 01:36:56.800 Right? Yeah, it didn't feel like it had closure. And so it feels 1953 01:36:56.800 --> 01:37:00.280 like the stakes are higher now. Yeah, the stakes are higher 1954 01:37:00.280 --> 01:37:03.480 because it's like coming full circle. And so really, what I 1955 01:37:03.480 --> 01:37:07.800 want to encourage you to do is I want you since it sounds like 1956 01:37:07.800 --> 01:37:11.360 you guys haven't been back in person since, you know, the 1957 01:37:11.360 --> 01:37:15.560 whole thing, that you give yourself time to really see if 1958 01:37:15.560 --> 01:37:20.240 there truly is some sort of intentional change. Right now, 1959 01:37:20.520 --> 01:37:23.240 right now, I don't think you should even want him to choose 1960 01:37:23.240 --> 01:37:28.200 you. Because you don't know who he is yet. You know, you don't 1961 01:37:28.200 --> 01:37:31.600 really know who he is yet. Is he the same guy that kind of like 1962 01:37:31.640 --> 01:37:35.120 abruptly dropped off? I mean, has there been new information? 1963 01:37:35.120 --> 01:37:38.560 Has there been new healing? We have had several couples, 1964 01:37:39.680 --> 01:37:42.960 several people who were dating people, and they came into our 1965 01:37:43.040 --> 01:37:45.120 community, and then they did a lot of healing and then that 1966 01:37:45.120 --> 01:37:47.680 person resurfaced, and they married them because that person 1967 01:37:47.680 --> 01:37:51.080 was doing their work somewhere else as well. And so that's 1968 01:37:51.080 --> 01:37:55.560 always a possibility. But until you really know that, I think 1969 01:37:55.560 --> 01:38:00.160 right now, the most beautiful way that you can show up is 1970 01:38:00.160 --> 01:38:03.200 just, you know, proud of yourself for doing the work and 1971 01:38:03.200 --> 01:38:08.160 understanding that, you know, you're rooted in love already, 1972 01:38:08.160 --> 01:38:11.400 you guys, the way that we go into secure attachment is that 1973 01:38:11.400 --> 01:38:15.480 we're not looking for love, because we're already in we're 1974 01:38:15.480 --> 01:38:18.400 already rooted in love. This is how whole in Christ completed 1975 01:38:18.400 --> 01:38:21.960 marriage. So you're here doing the heart, we're getting rooted 1976 01:38:21.960 --> 01:38:26.880 in love, so that when you, you know, come across someone else, 1977 01:38:27.000 --> 01:38:30.520 who's also rooted in love, you can then grow together, right? 1978 01:38:30.720 --> 01:38:33.840 Isn't that beautiful? Because you don't ever want to be rooted 1979 01:38:33.840 --> 01:38:40.000 in another human being. You got to be rooted in Christ. Okay, he 1980 01:38:40.000 --> 01:38:45.080 is the vine, you are the branch, but branches can intertwine and 1981 01:38:45.080 --> 01:38:48.160 grow together and bear a lot of fruit. And that can be amazing. 1982 01:38:48.440 --> 01:38:51.360 And so Courtney, what we want you to do right now is we want 1983 01:38:51.360 --> 01:38:53.920 you when you it's great, he's circling back around, and you're 1984 01:38:53.920 --> 01:38:58.240 going to get to see, but really to show up in that place of 1985 01:38:58.480 --> 01:39:01.920 allowing God to not only have the pen, but also to show you 1986 01:39:01.920 --> 01:39:06.080 what you need to see. Because you have been doing the work and 1987 01:39:06.080 --> 01:39:10.320 you're not anxious. You're not looking for someone to pick me 1988 01:39:10.320 --> 01:39:13.640 pick me, you're not a pick me girl. Right? Because you've 1989 01:39:13.640 --> 01:39:16.720 already been, you've already been chosen. You've already been 1990 01:39:16.720 --> 01:39:21.600 picked by the greatest love. And so all other love that comes 1991 01:39:21.600 --> 01:39:26.320 into your life has to be a byproduct of that or no way. No 1992 01:39:26.320 --> 01:39:33.600 thanks. Right? Great. Yeah. I will keep you posted for sure. 1993 01:39:34.000 --> 01:39:37.960 Yeah, you're great. You're awesome. And you guys, we don't 1994 01:39:37.960 --> 01:39:41.520 have to have any kind of fake sort of self esteem either. 1995 01:39:41.760 --> 01:39:46.000 You know, you'd be lucky to have me kind of thing because we're 1996 01:39:46.000 --> 01:39:49.440 rooted in love. We're rooted in love. We're already loved. We're 1997 01:39:49.440 --> 01:39:53.040 not looking for anyone to fill anything that's a God shaped 1998 01:39:53.040 --> 01:39:55.960 hole because already filled. And so now it's like, are you going 1999 01:39:55.960 --> 01:39:59.120 to partner? Do you want to make an alliance with me? That's 2000 01:39:59.120 --> 01:40:00.000 really what it's about. 2001 01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:02.000 right 2002 01:40:04.800 --> 01:40:06.800 Okay, so 2003 01:40:07.440 --> 01:40:14.160 Guys it's getting so late. Let's just take a couple more. Okay. Um, is it miss miss Shanda miss Shanda? I'm bad 2004 01:40:14.160 --> 01:40:16.160 I can't sound anything out. Oh 2005 01:40:16.680 --> 01:40:20.860 I was actually just about to put my hand down and then you called on me 2006 01:40:23.720 --> 01:40:27.080 It's miss Shanda miss Shanda got it. Um 2007 01:40:28.080 --> 01:40:33.580 So I just moved to I guess sex phase two and immediately 2008 01:40:35.320 --> 01:40:41.860 Was like freaking out that I had moved to phase two and you immediately posted a challenge to do seven dates 2009 01:40:42.320 --> 01:40:45.560 But it was over a course of X amount of time 2010 01:40:45.560 --> 01:40:51.320 I'm just fast-forwarding because it was a previous date to a new date. And so I 2011 01:40:52.000 --> 01:40:56.760 Missed the first part of this call and I'm glad that you had it because you were talking about anxiety 2012 01:40:57.080 --> 01:40:59.080 I live in an area 2013 01:40:59.960 --> 01:41:04.660 That I live in Washington DC. I don't enjoy 2014 01:41:07.400 --> 01:41:10.480 Online dating I show up much better in person 2015 01:41:11.760 --> 01:41:14.920 But I found since the pandemic really have a hard time 2016 01:41:15.480 --> 01:41:19.720 Doing some of the things that I love beyond riding my bike, etc, and it's cold outside 2017 01:41:20.320 --> 01:41:25.180 So what do you suggest for a person like me who loves to meet people in person? 2018 01:41:25.580 --> 01:41:27.580 But also a 2019 01:41:28.180 --> 01:41:31.620 little shy tendency may come up when it's time to talk or 2020 01:41:32.100 --> 01:41:34.980 You know, I get nervous if it's a guy that I really like 2021 01:41:34.980 --> 01:41:39.060 So what would you suggest for someone like me who doesn't prefer online dating? 2022 01:41:39.620 --> 01:41:41.620 but still wants to get out and 2023 01:41:42.140 --> 01:41:44.540 Go to pro bash up. Oh, wow 2024 01:41:45.300 --> 01:41:49.420 Who still wants to date? So, you know, I want to do the challenge 2025 01:41:49.500 --> 01:41:53.100 There's lots of apps and there's lots of different digital 2026 01:41:53.900 --> 01:42:00.760 Platforms that allow us to meet people in person in our areas that have nothing to do with necessarily romantic dates 2027 01:42:01.060 --> 01:42:02.100 Okay 2028 01:42:02.100 --> 01:42:05.820 In fact, there's a new app right now. I don't know if any of you've heard of it. It's called Zate 2029 01:42:05.900 --> 01:42:12.860 So it's date but with the Z Zate Zate and it's all about like what sounds fun to you 2030 01:42:12.900 --> 01:42:16.860 People put up what sounds fun to them and then other people are like, yeah, that sounds fun 2031 01:42:16.860 --> 01:42:18.020 I'll do that with you 2032 01:42:18.020 --> 01:42:24.820 like I'll go to and you can already check whether or not it's like a date like it's a date or if it's just 2033 01:42:24.820 --> 01:42:27.980 Like a friendship situation and it's for same-sex as well 2034 01:42:27.980 --> 01:42:36.020 Like not in a homosexual way, but you know, let's be friends and hang out. Let's make friends kind of situation guys 2035 01:42:36.020 --> 01:42:38.900 There's also meetup groups. There's an app called meetup 2036 01:42:39.340 --> 01:42:44.740 Just you can find people that share interests of yours like, you know, it's cold in DC 2037 01:42:44.740 --> 01:42:49.540 So maybe indoor rock climbing or you know, just something that's indoors 2038 01:42:49.540 --> 01:42:54.700 That's in your area that you know about other people that share those types of hobbies 2039 01:42:55.380 --> 01:42:58.060 And you can get involved in a meetup group 2040 01:42:58.900 --> 01:43:04.900 Through that app as well. There's also all different types of things if you go to Facebook you guys you plug in your zip code 2041 01:43:04.940 --> 01:43:11.340 You'll see all the events that are happening in your zip code every single week. There's indoor farmers markets 2042 01:43:11.340 --> 01:43:15.660 There's all types of things, you know get out there get a wingman get a wing woman go out 2043 01:43:15.660 --> 01:43:17.820 Because I will tell you this and I'm gonna release this word 2044 01:43:17.820 --> 01:43:19.820 I was gonna release it anyway, but I'm gonna release it now 2045 01:43:19.980 --> 01:43:24.140 God told me that 2024 is the year of in-person 2046 01:43:24.180 --> 01:43:27.900 So I love this digital community that we have going on 2047 01:43:27.980 --> 01:43:33.420 But we're gonna be building our single cities this year like never before I'm gonna be visiting the majority of single cities 2048 01:43:33.420 --> 01:43:37.320 We're even building some new ones. I'm also kind of like in the DC area 2049 01:43:37.320 --> 01:43:39.760 We're opening up one that is not too far from there 2050 01:43:40.200 --> 01:43:45.200 And I just want to let you guys know that in person is what you want to do in 2051 01:43:45.560 --> 01:43:52.600 2024 God has given us a grace for it. A lot of a lot of things haven't recovered from the lockdown year 2052 01:43:52.600 --> 01:43:55.280 I know that we've all been out for a while now 2053 01:43:55.280 --> 01:44:01.160 But we haven't really been out to the extent that we're about to be and so I really want to 2054 01:44:01.320 --> 01:44:06.280 Encourage all of you to pray into that. How can I get in person you guys if you want to go on vacation? 2055 01:44:06.280 --> 01:44:13.400 There's all kinds of singles vacations and cruises all types of different things that go on in your communities other 2056 01:44:13.480 --> 01:44:18.760 Singles groups other singles meetups, you know, yes, you might be a little shy like she said 2057 01:44:18.760 --> 01:44:23.960 But you know take someone with you get a friend to go and go together and you know 2058 01:44:23.960 --> 01:44:25.960 Have each other's back and go have fun 2059 01:44:26.400 --> 01:44:30.280 So this wasn't really that kind of call about, you know, those kinds of ideas 2060 01:44:30.280 --> 01:44:32.280 but I'm glad she asked the question and so 2061 01:44:32.480 --> 01:44:36.640 Make sure that if you're just joining us that you watch all the way from the beginning because there was some real 2062 01:44:36.920 --> 01:44:39.560 Fire from heaven released here. Okay, so 2063 01:44:40.800 --> 01:44:42.480 The last few people that have her hands up 2064 01:44:42.480 --> 01:44:45.400 You guys go ahead and put your questions in the chat because I want to go ahead and wind it up 2065 01:44:45.400 --> 01:44:47.400 We've already been on here for an hour and 48 minutes 2066 01:44:48.000 --> 01:44:49.760 and 2067 01:44:49.760 --> 01:44:51.360 Miss Donda 2068 01:44:51.360 --> 01:44:55.400 Sorry, I'm hooked on phonics. I just have such a hard time phonetically sounding things out 2069 01:44:55.520 --> 01:45:00.000 But I'm so glad you're with us so excited that you're in phase two you're in 2070 01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.480 your, you know, dating era. 2071 01:45:02.480 --> 01:45:06.160 And so I believe that dating will be for mating 2072 01:45:06.160 --> 01:45:08.720 in your, in this timeframe for you. 2073 01:45:08.720 --> 01:45:11.100 So, so glad that you're with us on that. 2074 01:45:11.100 --> 01:45:11.940 All right, so you guys, 2075 01:45:11.940 --> 01:45:14.920 this has been a special session on relationship anxiety, 2076 01:45:14.920 --> 01:45:19.560 and we are going to be going into attachment style, 2077 01:45:19.560 --> 01:45:20.920 and it's gonna be an all path, 2078 01:45:20.920 --> 01:45:23.560 all community, all path situation. 2079 01:45:23.560 --> 01:45:26.320 That first path session in February as well, 2080 01:45:26.320 --> 01:45:28.840 there will be a quiz. 2081 01:45:28.880 --> 01:45:30.600 And so that's gonna be important. 2082 01:45:30.600 --> 01:45:32.040 I'm looking to see if the other two people 2083 01:45:32.040 --> 01:45:33.720 put their chats up, their questions. 2084 01:45:33.720 --> 01:45:35.640 I wanna go to a single event this year. 2085 01:45:35.640 --> 01:45:36.840 Haven't met anyone in person. 2086 01:45:36.840 --> 01:45:38.360 All right, yes, that for sure. 2087 01:45:38.360 --> 01:45:40.960 You guys, I'm gonna be in New York City 2088 01:45:40.960 --> 01:45:44.760 on February 10th and 11th. 2089 01:45:44.760 --> 01:45:47.020 I'm gonna be speaking at Life Center New York City 2090 01:45:47.020 --> 01:45:49.400 on Sunday morning, the 11th, 2091 01:45:49.400 --> 01:45:52.840 but on the 10th, there is a singles event. 2092 01:45:52.840 --> 01:45:55.000 I'm going to be emailing all of you 2093 01:45:55.000 --> 01:45:56.880 about that special discount code. 2094 01:45:56.880 --> 01:46:00.360 If you use the word Jackie, you can register for that. 2095 01:46:00.360 --> 01:46:01.440 It's gonna be a really good time. 2096 01:46:01.440 --> 01:46:03.440 I heard there's gonna be dancing. 2097 01:46:03.440 --> 01:46:04.360 That's right. 2098 01:46:04.360 --> 01:46:05.880 Let's get a groove on. 2099 01:46:05.880 --> 01:46:07.680 Come on, let's do it. 2100 01:46:07.680 --> 01:46:09.280 Let's groove tonight. 2101 01:46:09.280 --> 01:46:11.680 Come on, you guys, I love to dance. 2102 01:46:11.680 --> 01:46:12.920 We're gonna have fun. 2103 01:46:12.920 --> 01:46:14.520 All right, and so what else? 2104 01:46:14.520 --> 01:46:17.720 There's gonna be a singles panel, like spotlight thing. 2105 01:46:17.720 --> 01:46:20.240 I heard that there were several groups from New York City 2106 01:46:20.240 --> 01:46:21.080 that were gonna be there, 2107 01:46:21.080 --> 01:46:23.840 not just the people from Matt Church. 2108 01:46:23.840 --> 01:46:25.160 It's a phenomenal church. 2109 01:46:25.200 --> 01:46:27.000 I've done three singles events with them now, 2110 01:46:27.000 --> 01:46:30.240 and they're all really, really fun. 2111 01:46:30.240 --> 01:46:34.040 So I would love to see as many of you that are in that area. 2112 01:46:34.040 --> 01:46:36.280 You can take the train in, whatever you can do. 2113 01:46:36.280 --> 01:46:38.240 I'd love to see you there. 2114 01:46:38.240 --> 01:46:40.400 You'll hear more information about that. 2115 01:46:40.400 --> 01:46:43.080 All right, Amy, you still have your hand up. 2116 01:46:43.080 --> 01:46:44.840 You didn't put anything in the chat. 2117 01:46:44.840 --> 01:46:45.680 Did you have a question? 2118 01:46:45.680 --> 01:46:48.080 I did, I put it in the chat. 2119 01:46:48.080 --> 01:46:48.960 I didn't see it. 2120 01:46:48.960 --> 01:46:50.040 Okay, let me see. 2121 01:46:51.600 --> 01:46:54.880 Let me see, Amy, Amy, Amy, where'd you go? 2122 01:46:55.400 --> 01:46:57.640 It's probably like one of the last ones, it should be. 2123 01:46:57.640 --> 01:46:59.320 I just, I typed as quickly as I could. 2124 01:46:59.320 --> 01:47:00.720 I'm in a level three relationship 2125 01:47:00.720 --> 01:47:01.840 and suddenly have anxiety, 2126 01:47:01.840 --> 01:47:03.040 wanting to break up for no reason. 2127 01:47:03.040 --> 01:47:06.000 That's called avoidant attachment. 2128 01:47:06.000 --> 01:47:08.400 Me is great, nothing's changed, but me and this anxiety. 2129 01:47:08.400 --> 01:47:11.960 You guys, you will start feeling some kind of way 2130 01:47:11.960 --> 01:47:13.280 when things start getting serious 2131 01:47:13.280 --> 01:47:15.160 and you have an avoidant attachment style. 2132 01:47:15.160 --> 01:47:17.320 You will start not liking the way they chew. 2133 01:47:17.320 --> 01:47:18.600 You'll start picking them apart, 2134 01:47:18.600 --> 01:47:20.680 trying to find things wrong with them. 2135 01:47:20.680 --> 01:47:23.200 You'll start telling yourself that you feel like, 2136 01:47:23.240 --> 01:47:25.920 oh, I feel this way, so this must be God telling me no. 2137 01:47:25.920 --> 01:47:28.680 You're gonna tell yourself all kinds of crazy stuff. 2138 01:47:28.680 --> 01:47:30.320 And I wanna let you know that remember, 2139 01:47:30.320 --> 01:47:32.200 relationship is about a choice. 2140 01:47:32.200 --> 01:47:33.240 And in marriage even, 2141 01:47:33.240 --> 01:47:34.600 you're gonna have to wake up every day 2142 01:47:34.600 --> 01:47:36.560 and choose that person and choose that person 2143 01:47:36.560 --> 01:47:38.440 and choose that person and choose that person. 2144 01:47:38.440 --> 01:47:40.760 That's why we say it's a yes until it's a no. 2145 01:47:40.760 --> 01:47:43.800 And so if it's not a blatant no, Amy, 2146 01:47:43.800 --> 01:47:45.760 then it's a yes still, all right? 2147 01:47:45.760 --> 01:47:48.760 And so we'll have that avoidant attachment talk 2148 01:47:49.640 --> 01:47:51.320 in a couple of weeks. 2149 01:47:51.320 --> 01:47:54.320 If you run into any kind of serious issues, 2150 01:47:54.320 --> 01:47:56.800 like I said, if it's not a blatant no, 2151 01:47:56.800 --> 01:47:58.520 then it's still a yes, all right? 2152 01:47:58.520 --> 01:48:01.880 And so don't give in to anxiety. 2153 01:48:01.880 --> 01:48:06.520 If he's great still and you liked him before, 2154 01:48:06.520 --> 01:48:10.440 then let's keep going with that and not cut and run. 2155 01:48:10.440 --> 01:48:12.160 All right, sound good? 2156 01:48:12.160 --> 01:48:14.640 All right, Bethany and Renee, thanks for showing up tonight. 2157 01:48:14.640 --> 01:48:16.680 We had two of our coaches on with us tonight 2158 01:48:16.680 --> 01:48:19.680 and they were fielding some stuff of yours in the chat. 2159 01:48:19.680 --> 01:48:20.600 Thank you for that. 2160 01:48:20.640 --> 01:48:22.680 Love y'all, I'll see you soon. 2161 01:48:22.680 --> 01:48:24.240 Supernatural Saturday and then you guys, 2162 01:48:24.240 --> 01:48:26.000 Sunday night, we're gonna have a prayer night. 2163 01:48:26.000 --> 01:48:29.000 Several people in our community have been diagnosed 2164 01:48:29.000 --> 01:48:33.200 with some pretty catastrophic situations. 2165 01:48:33.200 --> 01:48:37.400 And we're gonna show up and we're gonna pray for healing. 2166 01:48:37.400 --> 01:48:39.720 We've had lots of miracles happen in this community. 2167 01:48:39.720 --> 01:48:42.680 So we're gonna come together and we're gonna pray. 2168 01:48:42.680 --> 01:48:45.960 So if you need healing in your body, in your mind, 2169 01:48:45.960 --> 01:48:48.600 in your relationships, any type of healing at all, 2170 01:48:48.600 --> 01:48:50.720 healing in your heart, show up on Sunday night. 2171 01:48:50.720 --> 01:48:55.040 We're gonna have time of prophetic prayer for healing. 2172 01:48:55.040 --> 01:48:55.880 See you soon. 2173 01:48:55.880 --> 01:48:56.720 Bye everyone.