WEBVTT

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Father God, thank you so much for being with us women tonight.

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Bless our time together.

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May it be a time of renewal, refreshment, encouragement, and inspiration.

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In Jesus name, amen.

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Okay, ladies, welcome.

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I am Renee Rizzo.

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I love to help out in phase two, Love Story Accelerator.

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If you can't show your camera, you may not be able to tell me, is there anybody here

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for the first time, that this is your first time?

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All right, Angelica, it's your first time, I love it.

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Okay, Tanya, awesome.

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I love it.

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So, if you've not, so this is your first time,

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there are five videos, I think, that you will be watching.

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And so, we encourage you, because they're one hour long videos,

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we don't feel like you need to watch them all in one sitting.

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We give you a whole week to watch them.

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Some of you vomit all five of them all at the same time, and

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then you watch them again.

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But your intention is to be here in phase two for about a month,

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so that you can get a lot of this individualized group coaching,

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while you come out of heart work and back into the dating pool.

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But doing it, hopefully, really different.

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Love Story Accelerator is really the pitch where Jackie's like, all right,

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it's time to get back out there, and she kind of gives you a dating challenge.

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It's seven dates, there's no magic date on that.

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She used to give timelines, but y'all are coming in at different times.

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It's hard to do that.

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She encourages you to try to eat healthy food, whole foods,

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start drinking more water, start movement.

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So, all that fun stuff in Love Story Accelerator.

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I'm really just starting to learn how to come out of hiding.

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The next video that you will get is called Dating 101.

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We date really differently here.

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And it is not at all the way some of us used to date in the past.

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Some of us in the past used to date one person at a time,

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and get all excited about that guy, and get all hot and heavy,

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and then have it go floom and flame out.

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And so what we do here is we encourage five different levels.

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We talk about level one, being in community.

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Level two, being just getting to know you, discovery dating.

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Level three is when you guys decide to go exclusive, and you add the romance.

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And then, of course, level four is engagement.

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Level five is marriage.

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She goes over all of that in the Dating 101 class.

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And then she does a great Divine Feminine.

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And it is not hippy-dippy-woo-woo Divine Feminine,

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but really what did God mean for man and women, starting at the garden.

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And just the overcorrection we've made since the garden,

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in one direction and back in the other.

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And just really how that compares to what God wants for us being feminine.

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She also talks about the traits of being the Divine Masculine.

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So when we're going out there dating,

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the encouragement is that you look for men who have the three Ms.

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They are marriage-minded, they're mature, and they're masculine.

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Most of us are not young anymore, and we don't want to waste our time

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on little Peter Pan boys that are just looking to date around,

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but they have no intention of actually ever settling down.

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So it's important that we look for that.

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So that's in the Divine Feminine session.

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Then, of course, I teach the last two videos.

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One is online dating.

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And you guys, I actually just went to the men's class last night,

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and I taught the men about online dating, and it was so much fun.

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I gave them lots of advice of how to treat you ladies, what not to do.

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I told them, for the love of God, no more pictures in the bathroom or their car.

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Put some clothes on, get a friend to do it,

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and please not make it look like a mugshot, like, smile, for goodness sake.

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And so it was fun.

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They were like, oh, my gosh, I didn't know.

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Oh, my gosh, I didn't know.

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And so it just goes to show you how much the guys just don't get the help that they need.

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And then the last video is boundaries.

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And, you know, boundaries, I teach advanced boundaries in Path 3,

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and it's my favorite thing to get to do is I've been talking about the topic of boundaries for 20 years,

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and I think it helps in all of our relationships.

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I will say about online dating, even if you have zero desire to do online dating,

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there's some really great nuggets in there,

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how to go from talking to a guy, texting, to a video date, to a live date,

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and how to get that next date.

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So even if you don't want to ever do online dating, it's still a great video to watch.

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So if you're like, there's no way I'm ready to start dating,

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you can watch all of those videos at your own pace and then start dating.

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So it's you date as fast or as often as you want to here.

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I do want to one of the housekeeping items.

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do want to say is, um, you know, just remember that everybody's coming into

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phase two at different places.

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Some of it is because we do have people sign up in clumps, but some people just

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get started and they move it along faster.

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And some people life happens and they were going at a much slower pace.

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So like, don't get FOMO, don't worry about it.

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So you might be in a group and you might be hearing questions tonight and you're

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like, Oh my gosh, where's she getting those questions from?

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Well, she might be in this, she might've been in phase two for like a month.

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So the best part is the reason why I keep everybody together, Jackie and I both

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tend to keep you guys together in the group coaching.

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I feel like there's so much you can learn just from hearing other people ask the

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questions and then hearing the coaches answers.

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Um, I love the intimacy that happens in, in phase, in, in phase one with the

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heart work, but I kind of feel like once you get here for dating, we're here to

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cheer each other on and make sure we're helping each other out.

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And sometimes when you're listening to someone else's story, I don't know about

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y'all, but like sometimes you can con the therapist, right?

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Like you can say what the therapist wants to hear, but when you're like in a 12

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step or group counseling meeting, you can't con the con artists in the room,

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right?

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They, they see right through you and all of a sudden you, you know, you don't

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think your behavior is that bad until you see it on somebody else.

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And you're kind of like, wow, is that what that looks like?

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I might need to check that a little bit.

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So sometimes you will see yourself in other people and you can see where the

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blind spots are because there's, they're your blind spots and you're like, oh my

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gosh, that's what that looks like.

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And it'll really help you.

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So that's what I love about this community and this kind of coaching.

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You kind of put into it what you get.

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So if you are just coming into the program, the way you stay involved is you

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either come to the one o'clock or the eight o'clock it's eight o'clock on the

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east coast.

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I'm live checking right here, watch it in replay, but feel free in the,

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every Sunday we're going to put a roll call question up.

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Feel free.

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Please, please, please tell us how you're doing.

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Don't stay in hiding.

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Tell us how you're doing.

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And then if you watch one of the videos and you have questions, aha moments,

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share it in the newsfeed.

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If you have concerns or doubts or questions, put it in the newsfeed.

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We'll respond to it.

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A lot of you will put your dating profile, the photos you want to choose the bio.

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And if you're willing, we'll shred it and tell you which ones to keep and which

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ones to change out and all that and how you can just put your best foot forward.

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So whether you are watching this in replay or you're watching this live, you can

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stay as engaged as you want.

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And so I hope you want to, cause it's going to help you so much.

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Um, okay.

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Bethany likes us to remind you, um, if you did not get a chance to listen to

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supernatural Saturday, you guys, those are always so good to listen to.

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If you can't make them live, you know, Jackie's not even on camera.

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Most people are not even on camera.

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And so she's just kind of imparting wisdom.

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So if I can't like really listen to it focused at that time, I listened to it

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sometime later when I'm at the gym or at the, in the car.

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And I really like let the Lord kind of download what he wants.

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And, um, so the three things that stuck out for me now wrote this today.

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So I may have like remembered very little of it, but it really gave me a lot of

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peace.

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Um, but the first thing I remember is that Jackie was kind of remind us of having

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heaven's perspective in the day to day.

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It's like, you know, we get so caught in the, in the forest here and what's going

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on right here.

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We just need to have the big picture.

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God's heaven, God is bigger than anything that we're going through.

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And so he can, there's nothing he can't orchestrate, fix, redeem and restore.

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And just having that perspective.

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The second thing that stood out for me is, you know, she was kind of using this

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cute little story about Marilyn Markle.

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I mean, um, Megan Markle before she, you know, married the prince before suits,

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she was a suitcase girl on no deal or deal or no deal, which I used to watch that

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show.

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I don't remember her being suitcase number 24.

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And just this idea that had she not taken that piddly little job over here, it

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wouldn't have led to the next thing that led to suits that led to her being at a

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party where she actually met Prince Harry.

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And so it's just this idea that you might hate the idea of online dating.

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You might hate the idea of like dressing in a skirt and trying to be more flirty

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and like letting men open the door.

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You're like, what does this have to do with me finding my guy?

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We don't know, but we have to trust that all these little activations, all these

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little stepping stones might lead you on a path that you never would have taken

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otherwise.

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And that's where your guy is.

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So that jumped out at me.

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And then, um, the last one was being ready for the suddenly you guys, it's like if

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hot dude showed up at my doorstep right now, I'd be really disappointed that he's

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seeing rain head.

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I'm just saying, but you know, we had this idea,

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we always kind of have to be ready.

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So whenever you're like physically ready,

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always make sure you look pretty darn good.

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Whenever you go out, you never know when the guy,

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you might bump into him, right?

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Like you might have a total meet cue.

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And so you want to make sure you look your best,

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you feel your best.

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If you're not feeling good,

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make sure you're taking care of your mental wellbeing.

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If your finances aren't in order, if your house is a trash,

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if your car's a trash, like start paying attention

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to everything around you and getting ready.

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Because God may bless you suddenly with anything,

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not just the guy, but he might bless you suddenly.

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And the question is, will you be ready

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if God wants to bless you suddenly?

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Okay, so the other way the format is,

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is we usually spend the first 20 to 30 minutes

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kind of going over topics besides what I just did.

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We look at your roll call and we look at the questions

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and we're kind of going, what are the common questions?

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What are the common things coming up?

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So we call them housekeeping items or we call them topics.

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And so I'm going to cover those

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for the next 10 or 15 minutes.

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And then I really open the floor for y'all to ask questions.

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A lot of folks have graduated from phase two

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onto phase three.

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We were having so much fun, they didn't want to leave.

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So I had to push them out

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and go join the fun community in phase three,

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which is so much fun, but it can be intimidating at first

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because there's like 800 women in there.

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And so it's like, ah, it feels like a lot.

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And everything there is live.

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Like right now in phase one and phase two,

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you guys are watching recordings

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and then we have these weekly check-ins

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and phase three, everything is live.

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And so that's when you really need to make sure

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you look good when you show up

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because you want to make sure you never know

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the guy that might be there.

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Okay, Dan, I'm glad it's your first time too.

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Oh, bless.

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Okay.

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Yeah, okay.

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You guys, if you're having a hard time getting Zoom to work,

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YouTube a video, like go to YouTube

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and they have like little training videos on it.

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And I try to warn people who do a date,

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like, hey, like download Zoom on the app

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and say, do you have a friend to walk them through it

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or take screenshots and really dumb it down for them

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or tell them to go to YouTube and watch how to do it.

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I always try to make sure people practice

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how to get online before the actual date.

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Cause there's nothing like rushing, you know, like,

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oh my gosh, my date's at seven o'clock

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and I'm just trying the Zoom link at 6.58.

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No, you don't want to do that.

240
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You want to make sure he has a way to do it.

241
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And so think about what it was like

242
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when you first got on Zoom the first time.

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I'm actually shocked people still don't know how to use Zoom.

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I thought after COVID, everybody learned how.

245
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I mean, I was actually using Zoom before COVID.

246
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I really wish I bought stock way back then.

247
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I would have been so much wealthier,

248
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but you know, there are some people

249
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who don't have tech jobs and so they don't Zoom.

250
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And so we have to help them out just a little bit.

251
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Okay, so here are the topics I wanted to go through.

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Actually, Karlyn noticed this one first

253
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and I really liked this.

254
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And she's just said, coming out of alignment

255
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with old behaviors and past experiences.

256
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It's really easy for you guys to look at online dating

257
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and just go, oh, but you don't understand

258
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all that I've been through.

259
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Y'all, no one has been through more online dating than me.

260
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I'm older than y'all probably.

261
00:13:28.600 --> 00:13:30.320
And I was online dating

262
00:13:30.320 --> 00:13:32.720
before anybody even knew online dating existed.

263
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Like when people like whispered about it,

264
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like, oh my God, I did online dating.

265
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Like where you would lie,

266
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like if you actually started dating the guy,

267
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you would like, you both agree to lie.

268
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Like, oh, we met at Starbucks.

269
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Cause you kind of did,

270
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cause that might be where the first date was, right?

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Way before swiping.

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And so, you know, I like to tell people that,

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like Jackie, the fact that she had me

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start teaching this class,

275
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I started teaching this class September, 2021,

276
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two and a half years ago,

277
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because no one hated online dating more than me.

278
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But I was like, all right,

279
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she gave me this stupid seven day challenge.

280
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I run a nonprofit with married people

281
00:14:10.880 --> 00:14:12.280
and I help at community theater.

282
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So gay men, married men,

283
00:14:13.960 --> 00:14:15.600
those were the only men I was meeting.

284
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So the only way I was going to meet that challenge

285
00:14:17.480 --> 00:14:20.120
was to actually figure out this online dating thing.

286
00:14:20.120 --> 00:14:21.840
And I'm so glad you guys, I did,

287
00:14:21.840 --> 00:14:24.160
because I think I had 16 weeks in a row, right?

288
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I had a different date.

289
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There were two restaurants I was toggling

290
00:14:27.400 --> 00:14:28.920
and the host staff were like,

291
00:14:28.920 --> 00:14:30.680
oh, there she is again.

292
00:14:30.680 --> 00:14:32.520
Oh, there she is again.

293
00:14:32.520 --> 00:14:33.440
And you know what you guys,

294
00:14:33.440 --> 00:14:37.200
I learned so much about what not to do, what to do.

295
00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:40.440
And so I really want you to look at this season

296
00:14:40.480 --> 00:14:42.640
of your dating with a clean slate.

297
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I want you to just have a fresh attitude about it,

298
00:14:45.400 --> 00:14:47.560
whether it's meeting people in the park,

299
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meeting people at the gym, meeting guys at the church,

300
00:14:50.280 --> 00:14:51.840
asking your friends to set you up,

301
00:14:51.840 --> 00:14:54.200
however you want to start meeting men.

302
00:14:54.200 --> 00:14:56.400
I just want you to have a fresh attitude about it.

303
00:14:56.400 --> 00:14:59.360
Don't bring your old experiences to the story.

304
00:14:59.360 --> 00:15:00.200
We all have.

305
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.040
have trauma drama, creeper, you know, stories, we get it.

306
00:15:04.040 --> 00:15:07.940
But the truth is now, we are gonna trust and believe

307
00:15:07.940 --> 00:15:09.800
that you are God defended.

308
00:15:09.800 --> 00:15:11.880
And if you watch all of the dating videos,

309
00:15:11.880 --> 00:15:13.820
we're gonna teach you how to date smart,

310
00:15:13.820 --> 00:15:15.820
how to get past the texting,

311
00:15:15.820 --> 00:15:17.520
how to get from a text to a video,

312
00:15:17.520 --> 00:15:19.840
a video to a date and a date to a second date,

313
00:15:19.840 --> 00:15:23.060
and how to sniff out all of the little creepy men

314
00:15:23.060 --> 00:15:25.040
and all the scammers and the catfishers,

315
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and you're not gonna care.

316
00:15:26.560 --> 00:15:28.960
And you're also gonna learn to not care about the guy

317
00:15:29.000 --> 00:15:30.480
who doesn't like talk to you

318
00:15:30.480 --> 00:15:32.520
after talking to you a few times on the phone,

319
00:15:32.520 --> 00:15:34.120
or he asks you out on a date

320
00:15:34.120 --> 00:15:35.320
and you never hear from him again.

321
00:15:35.320 --> 00:15:37.640
You're gonna just learn not to care about that stuff

322
00:15:37.640 --> 00:15:40.280
because these men don't really know you.

323
00:15:40.280 --> 00:15:44.560
So we're not gonna labor and sweat over this early stage

324
00:15:44.560 --> 00:15:48.640
of men like kind of like sniffing around, maybe.

325
00:15:48.640 --> 00:15:51.440
And so the phrase I heard, and I really love this,

326
00:15:51.440 --> 00:15:52.560
he might like you.

327
00:15:52.560 --> 00:15:55.040
You might meet a lot of guys who like you,

328
00:15:55.040 --> 00:15:56.400
but maybe not enough.

329
00:15:56.400 --> 00:15:58.440
They like you, but not enough.

330
00:15:58.440 --> 00:15:59.480
Or they like you,

331
00:15:59.480 --> 00:16:01.000
but then they just went out with some other girl

332
00:16:01.000 --> 00:16:02.880
and they liked her a little bit more.

333
00:16:02.880 --> 00:16:04.200
Like, that's okay.

334
00:16:04.200 --> 00:16:06.640
Your guy, the guy that God wants you for,

335
00:16:06.640 --> 00:16:09.080
is gonna love you the most,

336
00:16:09.080 --> 00:16:10.960
and he's gonna wanna be with you the most.

337
00:16:10.960 --> 00:16:13.840
And so you don't wanna be with the wishy-washy guys.

338
00:16:13.840 --> 00:16:16.920
The other thing that we encourage you in this dating season

339
00:16:16.920 --> 00:16:19.800
is to date outside your type.

340
00:16:19.800 --> 00:16:22.060
I can't stress that more.

341
00:16:22.060 --> 00:16:26.080
I would say 90% of the 800 marriages

342
00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:28.160
that are happening in this program

343
00:16:28.840 --> 00:16:32.200
are women who will say, he was not my type.

344
00:16:32.200 --> 00:16:34.520
And that doesn't just mean she went for the ugly guy.

345
00:16:34.520 --> 00:16:36.360
Like, so don't hear that and go like,

346
00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:38.640
oh my gosh, it's cause she went for the fat guy,

347
00:16:38.640 --> 00:16:42.320
the old guy, the ugly guy, the weirdo guy, the dweeby guy.

348
00:16:42.320 --> 00:16:46.520
No, it just means that what she used to be attracted to

349
00:16:46.520 --> 00:16:49.300
wasn't serving her well and wasn't healthy.

350
00:16:49.300 --> 00:16:52.320
Yes, is it possible that the guy might not be

351
00:16:52.320 --> 00:16:54.400
as what you think is good looking

352
00:16:54.400 --> 00:16:58.200
or as charismatic as you want him to be,

353
00:16:58.200 --> 00:16:59.240
but maybe that's okay.

354
00:16:59.240 --> 00:17:02.000
Like you can help, any guy can get a haircut, y'all.

355
00:17:02.000 --> 00:17:04.560
Like men can go get a makeover.

356
00:17:04.560 --> 00:17:07.599
You can help their clothing, you can help their swagger,

357
00:17:07.599 --> 00:17:09.460
and you can, you know, get them a haircut.

358
00:17:09.460 --> 00:17:10.300
You can do a lot of things,

359
00:17:10.300 --> 00:17:12.819
but what you can't change is character.

360
00:17:12.819 --> 00:17:14.980
And so as you get older, you will learn

361
00:17:14.980 --> 00:17:16.560
that the guy who can make you laugh,

362
00:17:16.560 --> 00:17:20.560
the guy that has integrity, the guy that is consistent,

363
00:17:20.560 --> 00:17:23.700
he can become attractive by the second or third date.

364
00:17:23.700 --> 00:17:25.900
The other thing that Jackie tries to remind us too,

365
00:17:25.900 --> 00:17:28.339
the reason why she'll say things like,

366
00:17:28.339 --> 00:17:30.220
it's a yes until it's a no.

367
00:17:30.220 --> 00:17:32.900
Give it at least three dates before you decide

368
00:17:32.900 --> 00:17:34.500
you don't like him.

369
00:17:34.500 --> 00:17:38.780
Because some of what we used to be attracted to

370
00:17:38.780 --> 00:17:41.660
was our own health attracting their own health.

371
00:17:41.660 --> 00:17:43.660
And so you used to say like, oh my gosh,

372
00:17:43.660 --> 00:17:45.500
but we had so much chemistry.

373
00:17:45.500 --> 00:17:47.620
And I'm here to tell you y'all,

374
00:17:47.620 --> 00:17:49.520
like if you're new to me, you're gonna learn

375
00:17:49.520 --> 00:17:51.940
I'm a straight shooter like Jackie.

376
00:17:51.940 --> 00:17:53.340
If you're on your first date

377
00:17:53.340 --> 00:17:55.080
and you wanna crawl across the table

378
00:17:55.080 --> 00:17:56.720
and have sex with this guy,

379
00:17:56.720 --> 00:17:59.580
that attraction you're feeling is not healthy attraction.

380
00:17:59.580 --> 00:18:02.340
I promise you that's the flame out,

381
00:18:02.340 --> 00:18:04.460
hurt you kind of attraction.

382
00:18:04.460 --> 00:18:07.440
So does God want you to have happy, healthy, holy sex?

383
00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:08.400
Yes, he does.

384
00:18:08.400 --> 00:18:09.840
We think sex is a good thing.

385
00:18:09.840 --> 00:18:11.460
We think sex is beautiful.

386
00:18:11.460 --> 00:18:12.780
God is not, I used to say,

387
00:18:12.780 --> 00:18:14.660
I used to run a pregnancy center.

388
00:18:14.660 --> 00:18:16.540
I used to do the absence education.

389
00:18:16.540 --> 00:18:18.980
And so sometimes when those teenagers didn't think

390
00:18:18.980 --> 00:18:20.180
I knew what I was talking about,

391
00:18:20.180 --> 00:18:21.660
they're like, you guys,

392
00:18:21.660 --> 00:18:23.720
God is not surprised by the orgasm.

393
00:18:23.720 --> 00:18:25.120
He created the orgasm.

394
00:18:25.120 --> 00:18:28.060
He wants you to enjoy sex in the covenant of a marriage.

395
00:18:28.060 --> 00:18:29.500
And so let's talk about why.

396
00:18:29.500 --> 00:18:32.060
And let's talk about guarding your heart.

397
00:18:32.060 --> 00:18:34.460
And so we want all of that for you.

398
00:18:34.460 --> 00:18:37.060
All right, let's see, trust the process

399
00:18:37.060 --> 00:18:39.680
and not focus too much on results.

400
00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:42.340
You know, when you're in therapy or in a 12-step program,

401
00:18:42.340 --> 00:18:45.260
they always say, trust the process, trust the process.

402
00:18:45.260 --> 00:18:47.900
So if we're encouraging you to flirt,

403
00:18:47.900 --> 00:18:49.700
talk to everybody you say hello to,

404
00:18:50.220 --> 00:18:51.600
let men open the door for you.

405
00:18:51.600 --> 00:18:52.820
When you're in the grocery store

406
00:18:52.820 --> 00:18:55.500
and you can't quite reach something,

407
00:18:55.500 --> 00:18:56.980
ask the dude next to you.

408
00:18:56.980 --> 00:18:58.040
I don't care if he's married.

409
00:18:58.040 --> 00:18:59.180
I don't care if he's old.

410
00:18:59.180 --> 00:19:01.020
We're just trying to teach you to learn

411
00:19:01.020 --> 00:19:02.180
how to do things different

412
00:19:02.180 --> 00:19:04.060
and kind of put yourself out there.

413
00:19:04.060 --> 00:19:06.860
And it's like, remember when the karate kid,

414
00:19:06.860 --> 00:19:11.100
where Mr. Miyagi was having him like paint up, down,

415
00:19:11.100 --> 00:19:14.220
up, down, and he was washing the cars, washing the cars.

416
00:19:14.220 --> 00:19:16.360
And it made no sense till he realized

417
00:19:16.360 --> 00:19:18.900
it was all these moves that he needed for karate.

418
00:19:18.900 --> 00:19:20.260
That's like the same thing.

419
00:19:20.260 --> 00:19:22.740
So whenever Jackie or any of the videos

420
00:19:22.740 --> 00:19:25.140
gives you encouragement to try new things,

421
00:19:25.140 --> 00:19:25.980
you don't need to know.

422
00:19:25.980 --> 00:19:27.380
You just need to trust the process

423
00:19:27.380 --> 00:19:29.820
that it really, really does work.

424
00:19:29.820 --> 00:19:32.740
Again, because you're all coming in here at different times,

425
00:19:32.740 --> 00:19:36.140
try not to have FOMO, try not to compare yourselves.

426
00:19:36.140 --> 00:19:40.060
And you guys, I don't know why this side of heaven,

427
00:19:40.060 --> 00:19:42.540
why some people in this program or in life

428
00:19:42.540 --> 00:19:45.180
get married just like that and some people don't.

429
00:19:45.180 --> 00:19:47.500
It don't have the answer for you.

430
00:19:47.500 --> 00:19:49.380
But I know a God who can sit with you

431
00:19:49.380 --> 00:19:50.940
in that disappointment.

432
00:19:50.940 --> 00:19:53.280
And so, you know, there might be an area of your life

433
00:19:53.280 --> 00:19:55.740
where some things come way easier for you

434
00:19:55.740 --> 00:19:57.100
than the average person.

435
00:19:57.100 --> 00:19:59.900
Like I'm a really good public speaker and I really don't.

436
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.460
I could be at church next Sunday and my pastor can say gosh, I'm feeling sick Renee

437
00:20:04.460 --> 00:20:07.120
Will you go get up and give this sermon? I totally could wing it

438
00:20:07.120 --> 00:20:09.680
Like I don't know what the heck I would say, but by the time I got up there

439
00:20:09.680 --> 00:20:13.800
I would figure it out, but you know, and there are others here of my life

440
00:20:13.800 --> 00:20:17.040
I just stink at like and I just like it takes a lot more work

441
00:20:17.040 --> 00:20:20.080
And so that's this idea of dating God has blessed you

442
00:20:20.080 --> 00:20:26.360
I don't know why some people get through some things easier and some things harder, but just really trust that God has got you

443
00:20:26.360 --> 00:20:28.280
and

444
00:20:28.280 --> 00:20:32.000
Practice being God defended. I saw this on the post

445
00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:36.840
I forget which one of you did it but y'all are she's a member of a Facebook group

446
00:20:36.840 --> 00:20:38.960
That's like are we dating the same guy?

447
00:20:39.480 --> 00:20:41.480
So it kind of brought up this conversation

448
00:20:41.720 --> 00:20:47.240
If you start stalking the guy that you're about to go on a date with on social media

449
00:20:47.320 --> 00:20:50.680
You do a background check on him and you start like going. Oh my gosh

450
00:20:50.680 --> 00:20:52.680
Is he dating other people is he dating other people?

451
00:20:53.040 --> 00:20:59.440
Like you're gonna put yourself into the crazy place and it's gonna you know, have you ruined that first date now

452
00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:05.880
Here's the thing you guys you might uncover some pretty crazy crap, but trust that God's gonna have that get revealed

453
00:21:05.960 --> 00:21:12.880
Anyway, again, we want to see if you can start to learn how to have a good first date and learn that discernment for you

454
00:21:12.960 --> 00:21:19.280
Like I would hope that if you're God defended now, you wouldn't need a Facebook site to tell you that he's a douchebag

455
00:21:19.280 --> 00:21:24.040
I'm hoping that we're gonna teach you the right thing so that you're gonna pick that up

456
00:21:24.720 --> 00:21:28.080
Junko see I mean, I'm just I'm a straight shooter here. I'm from the north

457
00:21:28.080 --> 00:21:33.960
So we just we just shoot it straight. And so, you know, that's my hope. My hope is you don't need

458
00:21:34.680 --> 00:21:36.680
Software to tell you he's a ding-dong

459
00:21:37.000 --> 00:21:39.000
Like I'm hoping we give you the tools

460
00:21:39.000 --> 00:21:43.120
So, you know how to date safe and you know how to date healthy and you're gonna weed him out

461
00:21:43.120 --> 00:21:48.440
Anyway, now there is a time and a place for all that investigation and I get all that but I'm just saying

462
00:21:48.680 --> 00:21:50.960
Don't look for him to

463
00:21:51.720 --> 00:21:58.240
Jackie will say if you're looking for the narcissist you will find the narcissist if you are looking for the bad guy

464
00:21:58.240 --> 00:22:02.040
You will find the bad guy and I think I used this example last week

465
00:22:02.040 --> 00:22:04.360
But you know growing up in the north, you know

466
00:22:04.360 --> 00:22:09.160
I had to learn how to drive in the snow in the ice and one of the things I learned from the Allstate guy

467
00:22:09.160 --> 00:22:12.720
And for my dad is if the car is spinning out of control

468
00:22:13.720 --> 00:22:18.680
The way that you get the car back on the road is you turn your gaze first

469
00:22:18.840 --> 00:22:22.720
You look where the car is gonna go your hands follow

470
00:22:23.000 --> 00:22:29.320
So if your action if your hands move first, you will over correct and that's when you see the fishtail

471
00:22:29.520 --> 00:22:33.200
So I want you to look for the healthy guy

472
00:22:33.720 --> 00:22:40.880
Marriage-minded masculine mature. I want you to not notice the ding-dongs. I want you to not notice the scammers

473
00:22:40.880 --> 00:22:44.840
I would rather you guys never even bring them up in the news feel like oh my gosh

474
00:22:44.840 --> 00:22:48.360
I dated like three scammers last week and I had this one gun

475
00:22:48.360 --> 00:22:53.000
Yeah, I don't want to hear about those guys. I want to hear about the guys that caught your interest

476
00:22:53.000 --> 00:22:58.000
I want to hear about the nice guy that maybe isn't your guy like, you know, like oh my gosh

477
00:22:58.000 --> 00:23:01.720
I met the sweetest guy. He had a solid faith. He was so kind

478
00:23:01.920 --> 00:23:02.760
You know what?

479
00:23:02.760 --> 00:23:07.480
probably not my guy because he likes to hunt and fish and that's really not my thing and I

480
00:23:07.640 --> 00:23:12.040
Recommended him to 1822 because he might be your guy. He's just not my guy

481
00:23:12.200 --> 00:23:14.400
Like that's what I really want you to fill up

482
00:23:14.400 --> 00:23:18.680
Like I'm not saying you're not gonna have moments where you want to share your frustration with us

483
00:23:18.680 --> 00:23:20.400
I absolutely want you to do that

484
00:23:20.400 --> 00:23:25.160
But I'm just saying if you focus all your attention on on what's not going right

485
00:23:25.320 --> 00:23:28.640
Then that's the energy that you're gonna bring in the room

486
00:23:28.640 --> 00:23:34.800
Um, I had a coaching a one-on-one coaching session with somebody and just in the phone call you guys

487
00:23:34.800 --> 00:23:42.720
I could feel all her nervous energy like I could it it was stressing me out and I thought if you're bringing that

488
00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:47.160
Kind of energy to a date that that could really stress him out

489
00:23:47.160 --> 00:23:52.440
And so just and I'm guilty of it you guys I'm guilty of showing up with a lot of energy in the room

490
00:23:53.240 --> 00:23:58.480
and so I've dated guys who are like gosh Renee you just came in with a lot of energy and I'm like

491
00:23:58.880 --> 00:24:02.440
Well, and it just I just did I had a lot of frenzy in the room

492
00:24:02.440 --> 00:24:05.920
So you really want to pay attention to that? Okay, let's see

493
00:24:07.000 --> 00:24:12.520
Let's see. So don't investigate a socials. Don't ask too many probing questions early on. Okay, that's the thing you guys like

494
00:24:12.520 --> 00:24:16.560
I know we all want Jesus guys like we all want people who've got like money in the bank

495
00:24:16.600 --> 00:24:20.720
No debt, no crazy ex-wife healthy children, right? We want all the things

496
00:24:20.800 --> 00:24:25.840
We're not gonna be able to find out all the things in the first phone call the first video date and the first date

497
00:24:25.840 --> 00:24:29.760
We have to unpack this a little bit at a time and you're like, I don't know. I don't have time

498
00:24:29.760 --> 00:24:35.200
I'm getting old too old for this crap. I've seen literally women in this page go. I'm not wasting my time

499
00:24:35.200 --> 00:24:37.200
I'm asking him in the first phone call

500
00:24:38.120 --> 00:24:41.240
If he's willing to be abstinent if he has money

501
00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:47.920
Does he have any mommy or daddy issues and if he loves Jesus and speaks in tongues? I'm like, okay

502
00:24:48.120 --> 00:24:53.440
How's that working for you? Because you've been doing that before you came into the program. How is that working for you?

503
00:24:53.440 --> 00:24:54.800
Not working for you

504
00:24:54.800 --> 00:25:00.000
So I want you to learn all that information pretty darn quickly too and they're really creative

505
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.440
ways to do that. When you ask me questions, I'll be happy to give you some ideas, but

506
00:25:03.440 --> 00:25:12.040
we don't want to like fire those people. Not with questions and not with our own information.

507
00:25:12.040 --> 00:25:16.200
Remember to practice coming out of hiding in your everyday life. You guys, I want you

508
00:25:16.200 --> 00:25:20.600
to smile and make eye contact. Like I want you to make a goal. I'm going to make eye

509
00:25:20.600 --> 00:25:25.720
contact with 10 people today, which means, guess what it means? It means when you're

510
00:25:25.720 --> 00:25:31.120
in line at the grocery store, guess what you're not doing? This. Put the dang thing

511
00:25:31.120 --> 00:25:36.360
away. Put it away. Put it away. So like when you're at the grocery store, when you're at

512
00:25:36.360 --> 00:25:41.080
the gym, like, you know, I'm trying to be so friendly at the gym with like different

513
00:25:41.080 --> 00:25:45.760
guys. I never know like, hmm, maybe he's like, I mean, now I'm not going to lie. I do look

514
00:25:45.760 --> 00:25:49.560
to see if there's a ring, but you know, men, married men don't always wear wedding rings,

515
00:25:49.560 --> 00:25:53.540
so you got to be really careful, but that doesn't mean you can't be friendly and kind.

516
00:25:53.540 --> 00:25:56.860
You can always be friendly and kind. No one's ever going to get you in trouble for being

517
00:25:56.860 --> 00:26:01.460
friendly and kind. Obviously, if he asked you out on a date, you may then want to make

518
00:26:01.460 --> 00:26:07.660
sure he's in fact single or not dating somebody. My favorite question Jackie asks is, is there

519
00:26:07.660 --> 00:26:11.940
anybody else who thinks they're in a relationship with you? Like when you ask somebody, oh,

520
00:26:11.940 --> 00:26:17.300
do you have a girlfriend? Oh no, I have no girlfriends. Okay. Let me clarify that question.

521
00:26:17.300 --> 00:26:23.140
Is there any girl that thinks she's dating you? And you'd be surprised at the truth that

522
00:26:23.140 --> 00:26:27.940
comes out then. Okay. So we just want you to like practice getting out there. And if

523
00:26:27.940 --> 00:26:32.700
you're in a season, it's about to be, it's spring and summer. So if you're like Renee,

524
00:26:32.700 --> 00:26:37.260
I have a bad relationship with online dating. I'm just not going to do it. Here's what I'm

525
00:26:37.260 --> 00:26:41.060
going to ask you guys to do. I'm going to ask you to get out there this summer. Then

526
00:26:41.060 --> 00:26:46.900
I want you to go to the driving range. I want you to whack a bucket of balls. I want you

527
00:26:46.900 --> 00:26:51.420
to go to the bowling alley. I want you to go to Bass Pro Shop. I want you to volunteer

528
00:26:51.420 --> 00:26:58.660
at Habitat for Humanity. I want you to volunteer at the homeless shelter. I want you to, um,

529
00:26:58.660 --> 00:27:04.420
go Google in your town, single meetup groups, single hiking groups, single, whatever you

530
00:27:04.420 --> 00:27:09.260
think cooking class. Now that might get all the gay men. I mean, just, you know, I'm just

531
00:27:09.260 --> 00:27:17.660
my, but that's true, right? Um, but try to think of things that guys would be doing.

532
00:27:17.660 --> 00:27:22.860
Get a couple of girlfriends and go to a local sports bar during football season, during

533
00:27:22.860 --> 00:27:28.020
predators, like hockey season. I don't know. What are the summer sports? Baseball, baseball,

534
00:27:28.020 --> 00:27:32.980
go to a baseball game. I know women who have met their guy buying season tickets at to

535
00:27:32.980 --> 00:27:37.100
Vanderbilt basketball because you're in the, you're seeing, you're seeing the same people

536
00:27:37.100 --> 00:27:42.740
over and over again. So if there's a sport you enjoy, go buy season tickets to it. Find,

537
00:27:42.740 --> 00:27:47.340
you know, find a way to like start meeting people around and you guys be friendly with

538
00:27:48.020 --> 00:27:51.540
married people, especially happily married people. You don't want to get like the bitter

539
00:27:51.540 --> 00:27:54.700
married people that are ones that are like going to you like, Oh my gosh, you're so lucky

540
00:27:54.700 --> 00:27:58.620
you're single. Yeah. We don't want any of their advice because we don't want their marriage

541
00:27:58.620 --> 00:28:02.700
and we don't want them setting us up with anybody. But if you've got friends who have

542
00:28:02.700 --> 00:28:08.220
really healthy marriages, you need to keep reminding them to be on the lookout for you.

543
00:28:08.220 --> 00:28:11.420
Like when they're like, Oh, I don't know anybody for you. Like really? Okay. So you've met

544
00:28:11.420 --> 00:28:15.400
no new people in the last five years that we've been friends. Really? You've met no

545
00:28:15.520 --> 00:28:20.320
new people. I don't believe that. So you have to kind of remind your married friends to

546
00:28:20.320 --> 00:28:26.080
be on the hunt for you. And you can say, look, I'm a big girl now. You don't have to do anything

547
00:28:26.080 --> 00:28:29.720
more than say to this guy like, Oh my gosh, you seem like a great guy. I would love to

548
00:28:29.720 --> 00:28:33.600
give you my girlfriend's phone number. You guys can text, go out for coffee. You can

549
00:28:33.600 --> 00:28:37.400
find her on Facebook. If you don't want to do anything about it, no big deal. If you

550
00:28:37.400 --> 00:28:41.440
guys like don't hit it off, no big deal. Like that's all I'm going to tell you about her.

551
00:28:41.440 --> 00:28:47.440
I'm sorry. I'm now I'm hot. Like I was freezing and now I'm hot and I'm done with menopause.

552
00:28:47.440 --> 00:28:55.240
So it's not a hot flash. I'm just, it's just hot. Okay. So that's what I want you to do.

553
00:28:55.240 --> 00:28:58.920
I want you to get out there and when you come on this weekly check-in, I want you to tell

554
00:28:58.920 --> 00:29:02.840
me what you're doing. I want you to tell your sisters, cause if you found a fun, cool thing

555
00:29:02.840 --> 00:29:08.080
in your community to do, maybe it exists in my community and I will go out and do it.

556
00:29:08.080 --> 00:29:13.040
Okay. So that's what I've got for you. It is the bottom of the hour, just like I promised.

557
00:29:13.040 --> 00:29:19.240
So it's my time to shut up because when people ask questions, I give more advice all throughout

558
00:29:19.240 --> 00:29:24.080
it. Um, there is a good number of folks on the call. So usually you, when you have a

559
00:29:24.080 --> 00:29:29.800
question, you kind of have to catch us up on this scenario just a little bit. If don't

560
00:29:29.800 --> 00:29:34.000
be offended if I tell you to land the plane. So if you're just going on and on and on,

561
00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:38.520
and I have no idea what the question is, I might say, okay, reel it in, get us to the

562
00:29:38.520 --> 00:29:44.600
question so I can help you out. So there's usually one brave person in the seat of courage

563
00:29:44.600 --> 00:29:51.080
who will go first and then it's like the floodgates. And usually unless it's insane, um, I'm committing

564
00:29:51.080 --> 00:29:55.720
the next hour to you. I will stay on as long as you need to. If you need to get off the

565
00:29:55.720 --> 00:29:59.120
phone, you're exhausted, go come back and watch the rest of it and replay.

566
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.600
I like to give everybody a chance to ask their questions.

567
00:30:02.600 --> 00:30:05.560
So who is the brave soul that's gonna go first?

568
00:30:05.560 --> 00:30:07.400
And it could be a question that came up

569
00:30:07.400 --> 00:30:08.560
during the video that you watched.

570
00:30:08.560 --> 00:30:11.120
It doesn't have to be a dating question.

571
00:30:11.120 --> 00:30:12.960
So it can be about the dating,

572
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:14.520
it could be about your profile,

573
00:30:14.520 --> 00:30:17.000
it could be about one of the videos,

574
00:30:17.000 --> 00:30:18.120
or if you have no questions,

575
00:30:18.120 --> 00:30:20.080
it's gonna be a really short and boring night

576
00:30:20.080 --> 00:30:22.120
and you can ask, but ask me anything.

577
00:30:22.120 --> 00:30:23.840
Renee, what are great dating questions?

578
00:30:23.840 --> 00:30:25.800
Or how do you ask a guy this?

579
00:30:25.800 --> 00:30:28.680
Like, I've become the expert

580
00:30:29.120 --> 00:30:31.320
finding out about people's faith journey

581
00:30:31.320 --> 00:30:34.480
and finding out about the relationship with their children.

582
00:30:34.480 --> 00:30:37.160
So feel free to ask me anything.

583
00:30:37.160 --> 00:30:39.360
Or tell me how you're feeling about this process

584
00:30:39.360 --> 00:30:41.000
now that you're in phase two.

585
00:30:41.000 --> 00:30:44.840
If you're feeling discouraged, encouraged, scared,

586
00:30:44.840 --> 00:30:46.560
maybe I can help you through that.

587
00:30:47.880 --> 00:30:51.440
I don't think, I don't see the right answer, maybe.

588
00:30:51.440 --> 00:30:52.840
Tasha, you going first?

589
00:30:52.840 --> 00:30:55.000
All right, girl, you go first.

590
00:30:55.000 --> 00:30:56.680
I'm sorry, I'm kind of dark here.

591
00:30:56.720 --> 00:30:58.640
It's okay, you're dark and scary looking.

592
00:30:58.640 --> 00:31:01.480
But do me a favor though, if you have a video date,

593
00:31:01.480 --> 00:31:04.480
whatever lighting you got going on, don't do this.

594
00:31:04.480 --> 00:31:07.160
Yeah, I have where I got the light

595
00:31:07.160 --> 00:31:09.320
in front of me over by my desk.

596
00:31:09.320 --> 00:31:13.920
But so I, and I have my blue light glasses on in the evening

597
00:31:13.920 --> 00:31:17.480
so the light doesn't keep my brain up

598
00:31:17.480 --> 00:31:18.320
because I have to go to bed.

599
00:31:18.320 --> 00:31:20.960
But I was wondering about the comment

600
00:31:20.960 --> 00:31:22.600
I put earlier on Facebook.

601
00:31:22.600 --> 00:31:25.240
You know, I had the safety issue with the guy.

602
00:31:25.280 --> 00:31:27.000
Oh my gosh, was that you?

603
00:31:27.000 --> 00:31:29.360
That was me, yeah.

604
00:31:29.360 --> 00:31:31.960
It mortified me.

605
00:31:31.960 --> 00:31:34.400
And so just to give everybody an overview,

606
00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:37.160
I was on a dating, Facebook dating app

607
00:31:37.160 --> 00:31:38.000
a couple of years back.

608
00:31:38.000 --> 00:31:41.000
And I had been doing a lot of hard work

609
00:31:41.000 --> 00:31:44.080
and I thought, you know, I was okay.

610
00:31:44.080 --> 00:31:47.360
And we had chatted briefly, he and I,

611
00:31:47.360 --> 00:31:49.320
just only a couple of days, it was very brief.

612
00:31:49.320 --> 00:31:52.440
I really didn't even get into too many details.

613
00:31:52.440 --> 00:31:54.560
And I date all races, I mean,

614
00:31:54.560 --> 00:31:56.960
so I'm not, I'm pretty open, you know.

615
00:31:56.960 --> 00:32:01.040
And it was interesting because when we,

616
00:32:01.040 --> 00:32:03.520
I asked about a video date, so he agreed.

617
00:32:03.520 --> 00:32:05.360
We set it up on a Sunday.

618
00:32:05.360 --> 00:32:07.400
And I wanna say it was just small talk.

619
00:32:07.400 --> 00:32:10.160
You know, I had my iPad, I was sitting on the floor

620
00:32:11.120 --> 00:32:12.680
and I had my iPad on the couch.

621
00:32:12.680 --> 00:32:16.480
And I was, I remember, first of all,

622
00:32:16.480 --> 00:32:18.920
he was like probably about 70 pounds larger

623
00:32:18.920 --> 00:32:20.600
than the pictures I had seen,

624
00:32:20.600 --> 00:32:22.320
which made me kind of feel disappointed

625
00:32:22.320 --> 00:32:23.320
when I first got online.

626
00:32:23.320 --> 00:32:25.800
But me being polite and modest,

627
00:32:25.800 --> 00:32:27.520
I just, you know, I chatted with him.

628
00:32:27.520 --> 00:32:30.280
And we were talking about casual stuff,

629
00:32:30.280 --> 00:32:31.520
like what do you like doing?

630
00:32:31.520 --> 00:32:33.480
And I told him, I said, well, I'm, you know,

631
00:32:33.480 --> 00:32:34.400
I'm a fitness instructor.

632
00:32:34.400 --> 00:32:36.800
I've been one for years, yada, yada, yada.

633
00:32:36.800 --> 00:32:38.360
And then what church you go to?

634
00:32:38.360 --> 00:32:40.120
Oh, I'm, he said, oh, I'm Catholic Christian.

635
00:32:40.120 --> 00:32:41.840
I'm like, okay, so you know how you turn your head

636
00:32:41.840 --> 00:32:42.680
a little bit?

637
00:32:42.680 --> 00:32:44.880
And I turned back around and he had everything out

638
00:32:44.880 --> 00:32:45.720
and he was.

639
00:32:46.680 --> 00:32:48.480
So he was taking care of business.

640
00:32:48.480 --> 00:32:50.600
Now you guys, just so you know,

641
00:32:50.640 --> 00:32:53.600
I don't want you to run away from Facebook dating

642
00:32:53.600 --> 00:32:57.520
because Bethany met her pastor husband on Facebook dating.

643
00:32:57.520 --> 00:33:00.560
And we have a lot, a lot, a lot of success stories

644
00:33:00.560 --> 00:33:01.840
from Facebook dating.

645
00:33:01.840 --> 00:33:03.600
So I'm sad for you.

646
00:33:03.600 --> 00:33:05.520
How quickly did you hang up?

647
00:33:05.520 --> 00:33:06.360
Very quickly.

648
00:33:06.360 --> 00:33:09.360
It's immediately, it's, it's more, I look,

649
00:33:09.360 --> 00:33:11.080
when I turn around, I thought to myself,

650
00:33:11.080 --> 00:33:12.240
you gotta be kidding me.

651
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:15.600
So I immediately hung up and my heart was racing.

652
00:33:15.600 --> 00:33:17.080
He calls right back.

653
00:33:17.080 --> 00:33:18.520
I'm like, you got to be kidding me.

654
00:33:18.520 --> 00:33:21.160
So I blocked him and then I went and reported it

655
00:33:21.160 --> 00:33:22.360
on Facebook.

656
00:33:22.360 --> 00:33:25.960
And, you know, I was on my, like my tablet,

657
00:33:25.960 --> 00:33:28.720
my iPad phone or whatever, and, you know,

658
00:33:28.720 --> 00:33:30.320
blocked him, it's no big deal.

659
00:33:30.320 --> 00:33:32.440
But I didn't see that coming.

660
00:33:32.440 --> 00:33:34.960
Cause he never brought up, we didn't even talk about that.

661
00:33:34.960 --> 00:33:36.320
And so it was one of those things that came

662
00:33:36.320 --> 00:33:40.200
out of left field and it just changed my view.

663
00:33:40.200 --> 00:33:41.360
I said, I got to get off.

664
00:33:41.360 --> 00:33:46.000
So, so I'm, A, I'm really sorry that happened to you.

665
00:33:46.040 --> 00:33:49.360
I have probably been on a hundred video dates

666
00:33:49.360 --> 00:33:51.640
and that has just never happened to me.

667
00:33:51.640 --> 00:33:52.760
And so I'm so sorry.

668
00:33:52.760 --> 00:33:55.440
So let's talk about how we could try

669
00:33:55.440 --> 00:34:00.000
to potentially weed those kinds of guys out.

670
00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:04.240
So I'm a big fan of not dating for more than a,

671
00:34:04.240 --> 00:34:07.720
I mean, not dating, not texting longer than a week.

672
00:34:07.720 --> 00:34:08.560
Okay.

673
00:34:08.560 --> 00:34:09.679
Or I agree to a video date.

674
00:34:09.679 --> 00:34:10.920
So that's my thing.

675
00:34:10.920 --> 00:34:14.900
I want to try to find out some of the basic information.

676
00:34:14.900 --> 00:34:18.380
Like it might be like, and I will usually help lead that.

677
00:34:18.380 --> 00:34:21.060
So if a guy's like, hey, hey, hey, well,

678
00:34:21.060 --> 00:34:24.179
and they don't know what to ask, I just make shit happen.

679
00:34:24.179 --> 00:34:26.940
Like I just started happening because I got,

680
00:34:26.940 --> 00:34:28.739
I don't have time to waste here.

681
00:34:28.739 --> 00:34:29.780
So I'm just like, all right,

682
00:34:29.780 --> 00:34:31.380
well tell me a little bit about yourself.

683
00:34:31.380 --> 00:34:32.940
I'll go first.

684
00:34:32.940 --> 00:34:37.940
So then I, if I go first, I guide what I'm looking for.

685
00:34:39.020 --> 00:34:40.380
And so I'll just say, you know,

686
00:34:40.380 --> 00:34:42.659
like I might say something like,

687
00:34:42.659 --> 00:34:45.139
oh, I'm from Connecticut.

688
00:34:45.139 --> 00:34:46.060
That's where I grew up.

689
00:34:46.060 --> 00:34:48.020
And I spent some time in California.

690
00:34:48.020 --> 00:34:50.219
I come from a big Italian family.

691
00:34:50.219 --> 00:34:51.780
I used to work in corporate America.

692
00:34:51.780 --> 00:34:53.500
Then I was in full-time ministry.

693
00:34:53.500 --> 00:34:56.580
And then I ran a nonprofit and I do consulting now.

694
00:34:56.580 --> 00:34:58.300
So very basic.

695
00:34:58.300 --> 00:35:00.140
I love to, and then.

696
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.160
So he'll tell me a little bit about himself.

697
00:35:02.160 --> 00:35:04.780
And then I say, you know, well, tell me about,

698
00:35:04.780 --> 00:35:06.600
this is the question I ask.

699
00:35:06.600 --> 00:35:11.100
Tell me about the things that you enjoy

700
00:35:11.100 --> 00:35:12.700
and that are important to you

701
00:35:12.700 --> 00:35:15.360
that are taking up your time these days.

702
00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:19.380
What do you enjoy and what's important to you

703
00:35:19.380 --> 00:35:21.200
that takes up your time?

704
00:35:21.200 --> 00:35:22.420
I'll go first.

705
00:35:23.520 --> 00:35:26.140
Right now I'm really into fitness and eating healthy

706
00:35:26.140 --> 00:35:27.800
at least 80% of the time.

707
00:35:27.800 --> 00:35:30.240
So I love to do outdoor activities.

708
00:35:30.240 --> 00:35:32.360
I'm very involved in my church.

709
00:35:32.360 --> 00:35:34.040
I'm on the prayer team there.

710
00:35:34.040 --> 00:35:36.560
I love to volunteer in my community.

711
00:35:36.560 --> 00:35:40.720
I love college sports and I love live theater.

712
00:35:40.720 --> 00:35:44.240
So they find out really fast about my faith.

713
00:35:44.240 --> 00:35:45.680
So I say, how about you?

714
00:35:45.680 --> 00:35:47.440
And I hear what they say.

715
00:35:47.440 --> 00:35:50.720
And if they don't mention like faith anywhere,

716
00:35:50.720 --> 00:35:52.000
I make note of that.

717
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:53.880
So that's gonna, that would make me,

718
00:35:53.880 --> 00:35:57.800
so the faith part and what else is important to them,

719
00:35:57.800 --> 00:35:59.100
I'm paying attention to.

720
00:35:59.100 --> 00:36:01.800
I wanna decide if this guy's even worthy

721
00:36:01.800 --> 00:36:03.520
of a video date for me.

722
00:36:03.520 --> 00:36:06.360
And then I might ask some questions like, you know,

723
00:36:06.360 --> 00:36:08.440
well, would you mind sharing?

724
00:36:08.440 --> 00:36:10.240
So you know how sometimes people are asking,

725
00:36:10.240 --> 00:36:11.920
how long have you been on here?

726
00:36:11.920 --> 00:36:12.800
How's it going?

727
00:36:12.800 --> 00:36:14.240
And that's like, I told the guys,

728
00:36:14.240 --> 00:36:15.360
please don't ask that question.

729
00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:16.980
It's just a creeper question.

730
00:36:16.980 --> 00:36:19.160
But here's how you can ask that question

731
00:36:19.160 --> 00:36:20.740
a little bit more subtly.

732
00:36:20.740 --> 00:36:23.560
So tell me, where are you in your dating season

733
00:36:24.200 --> 00:36:25.040
of your life?

734
00:36:25.040 --> 00:36:26.760
You know, are you just getting back out there?

735
00:36:26.760 --> 00:36:30.200
You know, are, you know, like you just got divorced?

736
00:36:30.200 --> 00:36:32.520
Like, are you just trying to make friends?

737
00:36:32.520 --> 00:36:34.240
Like, you know, like what's,

738
00:36:34.240 --> 00:36:36.400
what are you looking for in this?

739
00:36:36.400 --> 00:36:38.040
You know, well, I'm looking to date,

740
00:36:38.040 --> 00:36:39.480
or I'm looking to this.

741
00:36:39.480 --> 00:36:42.120
And so you start to get a gauge

742
00:36:42.120 --> 00:36:44.240
for where they are in their dating season

743
00:36:44.240 --> 00:36:46.800
and kind of what they're looking for.

744
00:36:46.800 --> 00:36:49.900
And then I also might ask a question like,

745
00:36:49.900 --> 00:36:51.880
well, so tell me what's on your bucket list.

746
00:36:51.920 --> 00:36:54.320
Like, what are some goals that you wanna get accomplished

747
00:36:54.320 --> 00:36:56.440
in the next 18 months?

748
00:36:56.440 --> 00:36:58.640
I keep it 18 months or less,

749
00:36:58.640 --> 00:37:00.720
because I wanna know what are the things

750
00:37:00.720 --> 00:37:02.120
that they're pursuing?

751
00:37:02.120 --> 00:37:03.600
Putting their, it's back to that,

752
00:37:03.600 --> 00:37:06.540
where are they putting their time and energy in?

753
00:37:06.540 --> 00:37:08.560
And so nine out of 10 times,

754
00:37:08.560 --> 00:37:11.600
depending on how they answer those questions,

755
00:37:11.600 --> 00:37:13.800
I can decide if I'm in or out,

756
00:37:13.800 --> 00:37:15.800
even before the video.

757
00:37:15.800 --> 00:37:17.920
Okay, so this is all on text.

758
00:37:17.920 --> 00:37:18.760
This is all on text.

759
00:37:18.760 --> 00:37:19.920
It's all still in text.

760
00:37:19.920 --> 00:37:22.400
And I can find out this information

761
00:37:22.400 --> 00:37:25.360
in about three or four text exchanges.

762
00:37:25.360 --> 00:37:26.200
Okay.

763
00:37:26.200 --> 00:37:29.440
So, you know, because I call this information,

764
00:37:29.440 --> 00:37:31.480
I don't care if the whole world knows.

765
00:37:31.480 --> 00:37:33.560
I call texting information,

766
00:37:33.560 --> 00:37:36.020
the information the whole world can know.

767
00:37:36.020 --> 00:37:38.200
Now, if you noticed, I did not ask,

768
00:37:38.200 --> 00:37:40.440
how often do you go to church?

769
00:37:40.440 --> 00:37:42.180
Do you believe in Jesus?

770
00:37:43.400 --> 00:37:44.800
Do you speak in tongues?

771
00:37:44.800 --> 00:37:45.920
Have you been saved?

772
00:37:45.920 --> 00:37:47.720
Have you been water baptized?

773
00:37:47.720 --> 00:37:49.840
How do you feel about sex before marriage?

774
00:37:50.680 --> 00:37:51.520
I didn't ask any of that stuff yet,

775
00:37:51.520 --> 00:37:55.400
but I've gotten enough broad information about them

776
00:37:55.400 --> 00:37:58.280
that I should feel somewhat safe

777
00:37:58.280 --> 00:38:00.360
to be on a video call with them.

778
00:38:01.560 --> 00:38:04.300
The other thing is I try to make that video call

779
00:38:04.300 --> 00:38:07.040
seem like it's a date and not just a call.

780
00:38:07.040 --> 00:38:09.800
You guys, that's why I personally don't like

781
00:38:09.800 --> 00:38:12.120
going next to a Google voice number.

782
00:38:12.120 --> 00:38:13.800
A lot of people are like, oh, I got a Google voice number,

783
00:38:13.800 --> 00:38:14.940
so I have to give my phone number.

784
00:38:14.940 --> 00:38:17.000
Okay, but he's still gonna text you.

785
00:38:17.000 --> 00:38:19.160
He's gonna call you whenever he wants.

786
00:38:19.280 --> 00:38:21.280
And that doesn't treat it like a date.

787
00:38:21.280 --> 00:38:24.800
That's why I will force his butt to learn how to use Zoom.

788
00:38:24.800 --> 00:38:27.240
Don't care, don't care if it's a pain.

789
00:38:27.240 --> 00:38:28.120
Learn how to use Zoom,

790
00:38:28.120 --> 00:38:29.000
because then I'll say like,

791
00:38:29.000 --> 00:38:32.320
oh, when can we schedule a date

792
00:38:32.320 --> 00:38:33.880
and a chance like a video date?

793
00:38:33.880 --> 00:38:35.200
I literally use the words,

794
00:38:35.200 --> 00:38:37.320
when can we schedule a video date

795
00:38:37.320 --> 00:38:39.080
so we can both be ready for it?

796
00:38:39.080 --> 00:38:40.440
Well, how about right now?

797
00:38:40.440 --> 00:38:41.760
I'm not ready right now.

798
00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:43.320
I wanna make sure I look nice for you.

799
00:38:43.320 --> 00:38:45.720
I wanna make sure you have a chance to look nice for me.

800
00:38:45.720 --> 00:38:49.820
So I set the tone that this is gonna be a date.

801
00:38:49.820 --> 00:38:51.280
Like we're gonna, you know, like,

802
00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:52.240
hey, don't worry about it.

803
00:38:52.240 --> 00:38:55.400
Let's just book 30 minutes to an hour the first time.

804
00:38:55.400 --> 00:38:57.520
This way it's no pressure on each other.

805
00:38:57.520 --> 00:38:59.240
And I make sure when I have the date,

806
00:38:59.240 --> 00:39:00.480
you guys, I'm sitting right here.

807
00:39:00.480 --> 00:39:02.200
This is my kitchen table.

808
00:39:02.200 --> 00:39:03.880
I have a pretty picture behind me.

809
00:39:03.880 --> 00:39:05.640
I'm not sitting on the couch.

810
00:39:05.640 --> 00:39:07.480
I'm not sitting in my bedroom.

811
00:39:07.480 --> 00:39:08.920
I'm not sitting in any way

812
00:39:08.920 --> 00:39:13.920
that looks like we're just like pillow talking, right?

813
00:39:14.840 --> 00:39:17.480
And that's what happens when you have too many video dates.

814
00:39:17.480 --> 00:39:20.400
It all of a sudden starts to turn into the pillow talk.

815
00:39:20.400 --> 00:39:22.240
And that's what's gonna get you in trouble.

816
00:39:22.240 --> 00:39:25.240
So now Tasha, everything I just said to you,

817
00:39:25.240 --> 00:39:27.240
he still might've passed all of that

818
00:39:27.240 --> 00:39:28.600
and still did what he did.

819
00:39:28.600 --> 00:39:31.520
But I'm saying those kinds of questions,

820
00:39:31.520 --> 00:39:36.240
it's gonna start, you're gonna weed out ding-dongs

821
00:39:36.240 --> 00:39:37.700
that just wanna get laid.

822
00:39:37.700 --> 00:39:41.220
Because I'm asking questions

823
00:39:41.220 --> 00:39:42.840
that they're gonna have to come to the table

824
00:39:42.840 --> 00:39:43.880
with some answers with.

825
00:39:44.840 --> 00:39:48.160
They're not deep, but they're thoughtful.

826
00:39:48.160 --> 00:39:50.480
They're not like, why did you get divorced?

827
00:39:50.480 --> 00:39:51.560
Why don't you have kids?

828
00:39:51.560 --> 00:39:53.480
They're not those questions,

829
00:39:53.480 --> 00:39:57.360
but they are questions that are gonna make this guy think,

830
00:39:57.360 --> 00:39:59.040
man, I gotta come to the table.

831
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.960
You did everything that you were supposed to do.

832
00:40:03.960 --> 00:40:06.360
And I just pray that that image leaves your brain

833
00:40:06.360 --> 00:40:07.960
at some point, and you're not left

834
00:40:07.960 --> 00:40:11.480
with any of those memories and you block it out.

835
00:40:11.480 --> 00:40:13.120
But I'm glad that you had,

836
00:40:13.120 --> 00:40:15.120
this is why we all do video dates too.

837
00:40:15.120 --> 00:40:16.880
This is why you do a video date,

838
00:40:16.880 --> 00:40:20.600
because A, if I were you, the second,

839
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:23.920
here's also what you could have done.

840
00:40:23.920 --> 00:40:26.120
The second he showed up on the video date,

841
00:40:26.120 --> 00:40:29.360
70 pounds heavier than the pictures,

842
00:40:29.360 --> 00:40:32.600
he already proved he was being inauthentic with you.

843
00:40:32.600 --> 00:40:33.440
Right.

844
00:40:33.440 --> 00:40:36.760
It's one thing to be like a few years older,

845
00:40:36.760 --> 00:40:38.360
a few pounds heavier.

846
00:40:38.360 --> 00:40:41.600
You guys, I had guys, like I had my pictures,

847
00:40:41.600 --> 00:40:44.160
like I've lost my weight again,

848
00:40:44.160 --> 00:40:47.760
but like I probably gained like 15 pounds

849
00:40:47.760 --> 00:40:51.480
when I first started dating online from my photos.

850
00:40:51.480 --> 00:40:52.440
And I'm not kidding.

851
00:40:52.440 --> 00:40:54.640
There was a couple of guys that decided

852
00:40:54.640 --> 00:40:56.080
I didn't look like those photos.

853
00:40:56.080 --> 00:40:58.600
And they ended the video date within 10 minutes.

854
00:40:59.080 --> 00:41:00.120
They were done.

855
00:41:00.120 --> 00:41:05.120
And so if somebody looks like they were grossly

856
00:41:05.800 --> 00:41:09.520
not authentic, that's not why you're gonna just say,

857
00:41:09.520 --> 00:41:12.160
you have every reason to try to wheel off

858
00:41:12.160 --> 00:41:14.160
that phone call in 10 minutes.

859
00:41:14.160 --> 00:41:17.760
You do not need to, what you said, be nice.

860
00:41:17.760 --> 00:41:20.600
No, like there's a little fudging

861
00:41:20.600 --> 00:41:22.520
and then there's outright lying.

862
00:41:22.520 --> 00:41:25.280
And as far as I'm concerned, outright lying,

863
00:41:25.280 --> 00:41:28.000
you can be like, hey, oh my gosh, you know what?

864
00:41:28.040 --> 00:41:30.920
My sister's calling me, I gotta go.

865
00:41:30.920 --> 00:41:31.760
Yeah.

866
00:41:31.760 --> 00:41:34.960
I mean, make some up, make some up.

867
00:41:34.960 --> 00:41:36.240
But I'm gonna be praying for you.

868
00:41:36.240 --> 00:41:39.480
I'm gonna be praying that God restores

869
00:41:39.480 --> 00:41:42.840
and gives you the craziest, coolest first date

870
00:41:42.840 --> 00:41:44.160
that's gonna redeem this.

871
00:41:44.160 --> 00:41:47.240
Like I believe you're gonna get a kingdom man

872
00:41:47.240 --> 00:41:50.240
who's gonna be so chivalrous and so kind.

873
00:41:50.240 --> 00:41:53.320
He may not be your guy, but I believe he's gonna bring

874
00:41:53.320 --> 00:41:57.280
kingdom and chivalrous man to erase that horrible thing

875
00:41:57.320 --> 00:41:58.640
that you had to deal with.

876
00:42:00.200 --> 00:42:02.680
My prayer, but I will say, listening to what,

877
00:42:02.680 --> 00:42:04.800
I was jotting down notes of what you were saying,

878
00:42:04.800 --> 00:42:07.040
the guy that I'm supposed to meet this weekend,

879
00:42:07.040 --> 00:42:10.000
that was a kind of how our conversation has been going.

880
00:42:10.000 --> 00:42:13.360
And like you say, I'm spending more time screening

881
00:42:13.360 --> 00:42:15.440
versus jumping right on the video date.

882
00:42:15.440 --> 00:42:17.440
So I've had time to kind of,

883
00:42:17.440 --> 00:42:19.240
I've kind of gone through some of the things

884
00:42:19.240 --> 00:42:20.440
you were saying with this one.

885
00:42:20.440 --> 00:42:22.080
In this one, when he reached out, first of all,

886
00:42:22.080 --> 00:42:23.760
he never even brought up anything about sex.

887
00:42:23.760 --> 00:42:25.280
He was very polite.

888
00:42:25.280 --> 00:42:28.560
He was very, you know, short and succinct.

889
00:42:28.560 --> 00:42:30.360
And, you know, he grabbed my attention right away.

890
00:42:30.360 --> 00:42:32.280
He mentioned that he was Christian and went to church.

891
00:42:32.280 --> 00:42:33.840
So I didn't even have to.

892
00:42:33.840 --> 00:42:34.880
So.

893
00:42:34.880 --> 00:42:36.480
And that's the thing, you guys,

894
00:42:36.480 --> 00:42:37.360
and you know what?

895
00:42:37.360 --> 00:42:39.020
We get smarter about this.

896
00:42:39.020 --> 00:42:41.400
So I don't want you to drag on

897
00:42:41.400 --> 00:42:44.200
and have too many text conversation

898
00:42:44.200 --> 00:42:46.400
and it's like three weeks later,

899
00:42:46.400 --> 00:42:49.720
but I don't want you to jump into a video without screening.

900
00:42:49.720 --> 00:42:51.400
Angelica, you're up.

901
00:42:54.080 --> 00:42:55.120
Yeah.

902
00:42:55.120 --> 00:42:57.480
Okay, so I just started,

903
00:42:57.480 --> 00:42:59.720
phase two, but my question is this.

904
00:42:59.720 --> 00:43:02.520
So I love that we have to go on these seven dates,

905
00:43:02.520 --> 00:43:05.320
but my first question was, where do you find these men?

906
00:43:06.400 --> 00:43:10.200
So, well, so basically everything I just suggested to you,

907
00:43:10.200 --> 00:43:11.120
I want you to-

908
00:43:11.120 --> 00:43:12.040
Here's my question though,

909
00:43:12.040 --> 00:43:13.560
because you said Bass Pro Shop,

910
00:43:13.560 --> 00:43:14.640
and I'll totally go walk,

911
00:43:14.640 --> 00:43:15.980
but what am I going to do there?

912
00:43:15.980 --> 00:43:17.080
Like just walk around?

913
00:43:18.040 --> 00:43:20.680
But go try, like, do you have an uncle

914
00:43:20.680 --> 00:43:22.860
or a brother or a cousin?

915
00:43:24.360 --> 00:43:25.600
Yeah, I do.

916
00:43:25.600 --> 00:43:27.040
I have all of those things.

917
00:43:27.040 --> 00:43:30.200
Ask one of them that would ever shop at Bass Pro

918
00:43:30.200 --> 00:43:32.840
and just say, hey, what's like a small item

919
00:43:32.840 --> 00:43:35.320
you would pick up at Bass Pro?

920
00:43:35.320 --> 00:43:36.320
Okay.

921
00:43:36.320 --> 00:43:37.840
And then you could literally go say,

922
00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:40.040
you know what, I'm going to go get that for you,

923
00:43:40.040 --> 00:43:41.920
because I'm just going to go learn.

924
00:43:41.920 --> 00:43:43.600
And it doesn't have to be Bass Pro.

925
00:43:43.600 --> 00:43:45.120
It could be like, we have,

926
00:43:45.120 --> 00:43:47.120
it could be a sporting goods store,

927
00:43:47.120 --> 00:43:49.440
like a store that has camping gear.

928
00:43:49.440 --> 00:43:52.560
Like it could be like Sports Authority, Sports Academy,

929
00:43:52.960 --> 00:43:55.320
you know, we have a place called REI

930
00:43:55.320 --> 00:43:57.680
and it has a lot of hiking stuff.

931
00:43:57.680 --> 00:44:00.800
There's always dudes at like the Sports Authority,

932
00:44:00.800 --> 00:44:03.980
Sports Academy, like a nice athletic guys too.

933
00:44:05.000 --> 00:44:05.840
Do you just-

934
00:44:05.840 --> 00:44:06.760
Home Depot?

935
00:44:06.760 --> 00:44:08.200
Home Depot.

936
00:44:08.200 --> 00:44:09.600
Go to Home Depot.

937
00:44:09.600 --> 00:44:11.440
You just want to start to think.

938
00:44:11.440 --> 00:44:13.240
And so all I want you to do Angelica

939
00:44:13.240 --> 00:44:18.240
is just practice going places and talking to guys.

940
00:44:18.320 --> 00:44:22.120
Consider, consider contacting your local golf,

941
00:44:22.200 --> 00:44:25.640
your local golf range and ask if they,

942
00:44:25.640 --> 00:44:28.720
if you don't have clubs, ask if they rent clubs

943
00:44:28.720 --> 00:44:30.000
and just say, you know what, oh my gosh,

944
00:44:30.000 --> 00:44:32.160
I would just love to shoot a bucket of balls,

945
00:44:32.160 --> 00:44:33.160
but I don't have any clubs.

946
00:44:33.160 --> 00:44:37.640
Do you guys rent the clubs to shoot at the driving range?

947
00:44:37.640 --> 00:44:41.560
And you might even want to pay for one golfing lesson,

948
00:44:41.560 --> 00:44:42.800
but you don't have to.

949
00:44:42.800 --> 00:44:44.960
You can go to that driving range

950
00:44:44.960 --> 00:44:47.440
and then you can just see if there's some nice guys.

951
00:44:47.440 --> 00:44:50.760
Men love, especially men love to be good at stuff.

952
00:44:50.760 --> 00:44:51.600
And you'll be like,

953
00:44:51.600 --> 00:44:53.720
and so you can just try whacking that ball.

954
00:44:53.720 --> 00:44:55.400
Watch a couple of YouTube videos

955
00:44:55.400 --> 00:44:57.720
on how to whack a ball at the driving range.

956
00:44:57.720 --> 00:45:00.200
Which, is it the four iron or the five?

957
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.280
I don't know, my clubs are right there.

958
00:45:02.280 --> 00:45:03.320
I don't go up that often,

959
00:45:03.320 --> 00:45:05.560
but I would go fake it at the driving range.

960
00:45:06.720 --> 00:45:08.160
Just like start to do that.

961
00:45:08.160 --> 00:45:12.680
Google local single meetups.

962
00:45:12.680 --> 00:45:14.440
They might have a hike.

963
00:45:14.440 --> 00:45:16.180
They might do picnics.

964
00:45:16.180 --> 00:45:17.020
They might-

965
00:45:17.020 --> 00:45:17.840
I'm in Miami.

966
00:45:17.840 --> 00:45:18.680
We don't hike.

967
00:45:19.840 --> 00:45:22.040
I'm just trying to give you a bunch of ideas.

968
00:45:22.040 --> 00:45:27.040
Like whatever you like to do, you think wine tasting,

969
00:45:27.880 --> 00:45:30.480
like whatever you think you might like.

970
00:45:30.480 --> 00:45:33.220
We have this like little swanky new,

971
00:45:33.220 --> 00:45:35.120
it's like part in the morning,

972
00:45:35.120 --> 00:45:36.420
it's kind of a coffee shop.

973
00:45:36.420 --> 00:45:37.840
In the afternoon, it's spirits.

974
00:45:37.840 --> 00:45:40.200
It's actually a distillery, but they've learned

975
00:45:40.200 --> 00:45:42.200
not everyone wants to go and just drink

976
00:45:42.200 --> 00:45:43.040
in the middle of the day.

977
00:45:43.040 --> 00:45:45.080
So now they're making all these fancy coffees.

978
00:45:45.080 --> 00:45:46.900
It's very big in Europe, right?

979
00:45:46.900 --> 00:45:49.300
They have liquor and coffee in the same place.

980
00:45:49.300 --> 00:45:51.220
And so it's like the perfect venue.

981
00:45:51.220 --> 00:45:54.640
I bring my laptop there and I work from there all the time

982
00:45:54.640 --> 00:45:56.000
just so I can meet people.

983
00:45:56.000 --> 00:45:57.640
The most random people.

984
00:45:57.640 --> 00:45:58.480
You never know.

985
00:45:58.480 --> 00:46:01.360
So if you can take your laptop or your book

986
00:46:01.360 --> 00:46:03.520
and go to the public somewhere.

987
00:46:05.520 --> 00:46:06.360
Great.

988
00:46:06.360 --> 00:46:07.240
So I see your question.

989
00:46:07.240 --> 00:46:10.240
Let me just fly through some of this before it gets on here.

990
00:46:12.600 --> 00:46:13.840
Okay, got that.

991
00:46:14.800 --> 00:46:17.420
You get nervous tips.

992
00:46:17.420 --> 00:46:21.360
If you get really nervous, do you get nervous, Carrie?

993
00:46:21.360 --> 00:46:23.760
Are you getting nervous in the texting,

994
00:46:23.760 --> 00:46:25.080
the phone call, or the date?

995
00:46:25.080 --> 00:46:26.520
I can't tell what stage.

996
00:46:27.480 --> 00:46:29.680
Hi, I'm out of the doctor so I could talk.

997
00:46:31.560 --> 00:46:33.860
I get nervous on the date.

998
00:46:33.860 --> 00:46:35.520
The actual date, okay.

999
00:46:35.520 --> 00:46:38.000
So you get nervous on the actual date.

1000
00:46:38.000 --> 00:46:39.280
Pick something fun to do.

1001
00:46:39.280 --> 00:46:42.360
Do not sit across from them at the coffee shop

1002
00:46:42.360 --> 00:46:43.480
or at dinner.

1003
00:46:43.480 --> 00:46:45.140
You'll just be too nervous.

1004
00:46:45.140 --> 00:46:47.080
Pick, you know.

1005
00:46:47.080 --> 00:46:49.360
Even that, like I did one date so far

1006
00:46:49.360 --> 00:46:51.040
and we went for a walk and I picked it

1007
00:46:51.040 --> 00:46:54.360
and it's somewhere I'm comfortable and I think it's fun.

1008
00:46:54.360 --> 00:46:57.760
But I wasn't as bad as I could be,

1009
00:46:57.760 --> 00:46:59.720
but I definitely was still nervous.

1010
00:46:59.720 --> 00:47:02.560
Okay, well, so that's a good start.

1011
00:47:02.560 --> 00:47:07.560
Pick candle making, pick a wine in the sip and wine thing

1012
00:47:07.800 --> 00:47:09.660
where you're doing something goofy.

1013
00:47:09.660 --> 00:47:12.400
Ask him to pick something that he likes to do

1014
00:47:12.400 --> 00:47:13.760
so he can show you how to do it.

1015
00:47:13.760 --> 00:47:15.660
You can say like, oh, I don't really know how to do that,

1016
00:47:15.660 --> 00:47:17.500
but that sounds like that could be really cool.

1017
00:47:17.500 --> 00:47:19.160
Pick an escape game.

1018
00:47:19.160 --> 00:47:22.840
And this is why, y'all who don't like to online date,

1019
00:47:22.840 --> 00:47:25.360
Keri is giving you the perfect reason why.

1020
00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:27.200
If you think you stink at dating,

1021
00:47:27.200 --> 00:47:29.080
you haven't dated in a long time,

1022
00:47:29.080 --> 00:47:31.360
I want you to be nice to every dweeby guy

1023
00:47:31.360 --> 00:47:35.600
who seems remotely like a sweet guy, but not your guy.

1024
00:47:35.600 --> 00:47:37.700
And you're gonna go out on dates with these guys.

1025
00:47:37.700 --> 00:47:41.840
So you practice your dating game so that you don't,

1026
00:47:41.840 --> 00:47:44.440
and you're like, well, that sounds like that's using a guy.

1027
00:47:44.440 --> 00:47:46.520
Well, I don't know, every once in a while,

1028
00:47:46.520 --> 00:47:48.160
you might have a great time.

1029
00:47:48.160 --> 00:47:50.000
And there's a lot of guys, you guys,

1030
00:47:50.000 --> 00:47:52.120
that also need the practice.

1031
00:47:52.120 --> 00:47:53.820
They also need a win.

1032
00:47:53.820 --> 00:47:57.320
They need a girl to just say yes and have a date with them.

1033
00:47:57.320 --> 00:48:00.240
So you might be like making them feel like a million bucks

1034
00:48:00.240 --> 00:48:03.720
just going out with them and how you let them all down easy.

1035
00:48:03.720 --> 00:48:05.480
So remember when you're dating,

1036
00:48:05.480 --> 00:48:08.480
Jackie always says, drop the hanky, be really clear.

1037
00:48:08.480 --> 00:48:11.680
At the end of the day, if you wanna see them again,

1038
00:48:11.680 --> 00:48:15.940
you say, Rick, I really enjoyed meeting you.

1039
00:48:15.940 --> 00:48:18.560
I would love to see you again if you're interested in that.

1040
00:48:18.560 --> 00:48:19.760
If not, no big deal.

1041
00:48:19.760 --> 00:48:22.240
It was just really nice getting to meet you tonight.

1042
00:48:22.240 --> 00:48:25.280
Bam, now Rick knows I wanna see him again.

1043
00:48:25.280 --> 00:48:27.360
I'm not wishy-washy about it.

1044
00:48:27.360 --> 00:48:29.880
I'm not going, oh my gosh, maybe he doesn't know I like,

1045
00:48:29.880 --> 00:48:31.280
and here's the thing, you guys, I told you,

1046
00:48:31.280 --> 00:48:33.400
I just did the training last night for the guys.

1047
00:48:33.400 --> 00:48:35.200
They all said half the time they don't know

1048
00:48:35.200 --> 00:48:37.280
if the girl wants to see him again.

1049
00:48:37.280 --> 00:48:39.040
So you gotta tell them.

1050
00:48:39.040 --> 00:48:42.040
They're a little naive.

1051
00:48:42.040 --> 00:48:43.200
They think we're, they're just like,

1052
00:48:43.200 --> 00:48:45.720
we're all so friendly and polite, they can't tell.

1053
00:48:45.720 --> 00:48:49.440
And you know what, it's a hard world for guys to be

1054
00:48:50.280 --> 00:48:53.480
right now with the Me Too movement, the patriarchy stuff,

1055
00:48:53.480 --> 00:48:55.960
there's a lot of men that are just afraid to do anything.

1056
00:48:55.960 --> 00:48:58.960
So we kind of have to let them know that the door is open.

1057
00:48:58.960 --> 00:49:00.560
If you don't wanna see them again,

1058
00:49:00.560 --> 00:49:03.520
it's a definite hell no, you don't wanna see them again.

1059
00:49:03.520 --> 00:49:06.640
You just say, hey, Tom, it was so great meeting you.

1060
00:49:06.640 --> 00:49:08.600
I had a really wonderful time getting to know you.

1061
00:49:08.600 --> 00:49:10.800
I really wish you the best in this dating journey.

1062
00:49:10.800 --> 00:49:13.640
And then you beeline for their door.

1063
00:49:13.640 --> 00:49:15.280
And if they say, well, do you think

1064
00:49:15.280 --> 00:49:17.000
you might wanna go out again?

1065
00:49:17.000 --> 00:49:18.960
You can just say, you know what?

1066
00:49:19.480 --> 00:49:21.280
I really enjoyed myself tonight.

1067
00:49:21.280 --> 00:49:23.440
I'm not sure I wanna pursue this further,

1068
00:49:23.440 --> 00:49:25.080
but thank you so much for taking me out.

1069
00:49:25.080 --> 00:49:27.280
It was such a joy to get to know you.

1070
00:49:27.280 --> 00:49:28.600
Does that sting?

1071
00:49:28.600 --> 00:49:33.440
Yes, but remember, we wanna only hurt, not cause harm.

1072
00:49:33.440 --> 00:49:36.080
And so I would rather you guys be honest and upfront.

1073
00:49:36.080 --> 00:49:37.800
Now, of course, Jackie would say,

1074
00:49:37.800 --> 00:49:40.440
if there was anything redeeming about that date,

1075
00:49:40.440 --> 00:49:41.880
give him a second chance.

1076
00:49:41.880 --> 00:49:44.760
She's a big fan of give a guy a second chance

1077
00:49:44.760 --> 00:49:46.000
if he's a good guy.

1078
00:49:46.000 --> 00:49:51.000
Now, if A, he was a jerk, narcissist, inappropriate,

1079
00:49:51.320 --> 00:49:53.600
or it was like watching paint dry

1080
00:49:53.600 --> 00:49:55.240
and you could not wait for the day to end

1081
00:49:55.240 --> 00:49:57.760
and there's no way you could survive a second date,

1082
00:49:57.760 --> 00:49:59.880
then of course, don't go on the second date.

1083
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.040
If you thought he was nice, kind,

1084
00:50:02.040 --> 00:50:04.920
but you just weren't quote-unquote attracted to him,

1085
00:50:04.920 --> 00:50:07.200
she will encourage you to go out for that second time.

1086
00:50:07.200 --> 00:50:09.280
So that's how you gotta do it, Keri.

1087
00:50:09.280 --> 00:50:11.240
Just start going out on a bunch of dates,

1088
00:50:11.240 --> 00:50:14.080
practice, practice, practice, and keep doing what you did.

1089
00:50:14.080 --> 00:50:17.420
Now you still walked, so that wasn't quite an activity.

1090
00:50:17.420 --> 00:50:18.940
So I don't know if you have putt-putt,

1091
00:50:18.940 --> 00:50:20.760
if you've got bowling.

1092
00:50:20.760 --> 00:50:23.680
You guys, I'm a terrible bowler, but I love to bowl.

1093
00:50:23.680 --> 00:50:25.000
That's a great first date,

1094
00:50:25.000 --> 00:50:26.400
because I wanna see how competitive,

1095
00:50:26.400 --> 00:50:28.080
now I'm pretty competitive too,

1096
00:50:28.120 --> 00:50:30.320
but I wanna see what he's gonna be like.

1097
00:50:30.320 --> 00:50:32.240
So I might say, hey, let's go bowling,

1098
00:50:32.240 --> 00:50:35.620
or let's go to the park and throw a Frisbee around.

1099
00:50:37.120 --> 00:50:41.340
Pick something, get those little badminton doohickeys.

1100
00:50:41.340 --> 00:50:43.740
Try to pick an activity that you can do

1101
00:50:43.740 --> 00:50:45.880
so you're not just always talking.

1102
00:50:46.780 --> 00:50:48.400
So hopefully that will help.

1103
00:50:48.400 --> 00:50:52.200
Okay, I'm like, my eyes are so bad tonight.

1104
00:50:52.200 --> 00:50:54.360
Is it, oh my gosh, I forgot how to pronounce your name.

1105
00:50:54.360 --> 00:50:55.440
Tell me again.

1106
00:50:56.440 --> 00:50:59.000
You're the only one with your hand raised.

1107
00:50:59.000 --> 00:50:59.840
Is it Ghaseen?

1108
00:50:59.840 --> 00:51:01.040
No, I can't.

1109
00:51:02.560 --> 00:51:04.440
Remind me how to pronounce your name, girl.

1110
00:51:04.440 --> 00:51:05.280
Yep, come out.

1111
00:51:05.280 --> 00:51:06.160
It's Ghaseen.

1112
00:51:06.160 --> 00:51:07.240
Ghaseen?

1113
00:51:07.240 --> 00:51:08.080
Mm-hmm.

1114
00:51:08.080 --> 00:51:08.920
There's an L in there.

1115
00:51:08.920 --> 00:51:11.400
Oh my gosh, my vision's really bad tonight, Ghaseen.

1116
00:51:11.400 --> 00:51:12.360
Okay.

1117
00:51:12.360 --> 00:51:14.320
All right, Ghaseen, I'm writing this down

1118
00:51:14.320 --> 00:51:16.680
so I remember this for next time.

1119
00:51:16.680 --> 00:51:18.600
I just wrote it down phonetically so I don't forget.

1120
00:51:18.600 --> 00:51:20.320
Okay, you are up, beautiful.

1121
00:51:20.320 --> 00:51:21.960
Hi, ladies.

1122
00:51:21.960 --> 00:51:24.800
Good night, good afternoon, good evening.

1123
00:51:24.800 --> 00:51:25.960
I'm a little confused.

1124
00:51:27.080 --> 00:51:28.240
Well, if you're in Australia,

1125
00:51:28.240 --> 00:51:31.040
it might be good day or good morning, so we don't know.

1126
00:51:31.920 --> 00:51:34.300
So a lot has happened this week.

1127
00:51:35.560 --> 00:51:37.440
First of all, let's just start with this.

1128
00:51:37.440 --> 00:51:41.520
How do I refer a guy to this program?

1129
00:51:41.520 --> 00:51:45.680
Awesome, okay, so go to the JackieDorman.com website,

1130
00:51:45.680 --> 00:51:48.560
www.jackiedorman.com,

1131
00:51:48.560 --> 00:51:51.400
and there's a button for the men's challenge

1132
00:51:51.400 --> 00:51:53.920
and a button for the women's challenge.

1133
00:51:53.920 --> 00:51:55.480
Tell them to click on the men's challenge.

1134
00:51:55.480 --> 00:51:58.760
It's gonna get us their email,

1135
00:51:58.760 --> 00:52:02.960
but then it's gonna send them to the men's free page first,

1136
00:52:02.960 --> 00:52:05.640
just like y'all started with the free page.

1137
00:52:05.640 --> 00:52:06.840
Okay, perfect.

1138
00:52:06.840 --> 00:52:07.680
Yeah.

1139
00:52:07.680 --> 00:52:09.520
And then the other thing is,

1140
00:52:09.520 --> 00:52:12.200
so the guy that I've been dating for the past,

1141
00:52:12.200 --> 00:52:15.520
I guess six weeks, asked me to be exclusive.

1142
00:52:15.520 --> 00:52:16.360
Okay.

1143
00:52:17.340 --> 00:52:18.180
Yeah.

1144
00:52:18.180 --> 00:52:19.120
Are you happy about this?

1145
00:52:19.120 --> 00:52:20.880
Are we happy?

1146
00:52:20.880 --> 00:52:23.340
I have mixed feelings about it.

1147
00:52:24.280 --> 00:52:28.880
Okay, and how often have you guys been seeing each other?

1148
00:52:28.880 --> 00:52:30.560
We see each other every week.

1149
00:52:30.560 --> 00:52:32.880
Okay, how often do you talk, every day?

1150
00:52:32.880 --> 00:52:34.120
Every day.

1151
00:52:34.120 --> 00:52:37.400
Okay, so what's your hesitation?

1152
00:52:37.400 --> 00:52:39.960
So my hesitation is something so,

1153
00:52:40.840 --> 00:52:42.480
okay, I'm gonna share with you guys.

1154
00:52:42.480 --> 00:52:44.840
Yeah, yeah, just say it.

1155
00:52:44.840 --> 00:52:46.120
Rip it off.

1156
00:52:46.120 --> 00:52:47.680
He doesn't make enough money.

1157
00:52:48.960 --> 00:52:49.960
It's okay.

1158
00:52:49.960 --> 00:52:51.680
And I know Jackie's just like,

1159
00:52:51.680 --> 00:52:53.120
okay, don't worry about that,

1160
00:52:53.120 --> 00:52:54.640
it's not a big deal.

1161
00:52:54.640 --> 00:52:56.120
No, you know what?

1162
00:52:56.120 --> 00:52:57.500
I'll tell you what,

1163
00:52:57.500 --> 00:53:00.600
I'm 55 and a guy not making enough money

1164
00:53:00.600 --> 00:53:03.480
is really different than when she met David at 35.

1165
00:53:03.480 --> 00:53:05.000
I'm just gonna say.

1166
00:53:05.000 --> 00:53:07.160
So I don't know, how old are you?

1167
00:53:07.160 --> 00:53:08.320
I'm 38.

1168
00:53:08.320 --> 00:53:09.520
Okay, so you're still young.

1169
00:53:09.520 --> 00:53:11.960
So is your guy in your age bracket?

1170
00:53:11.960 --> 00:53:13.480
He's a little older.

1171
00:53:13.480 --> 00:53:15.320
Okay, so he's a little older.

1172
00:53:15.320 --> 00:53:18.880
Is it because he's in the less corporate career?

1173
00:53:18.880 --> 00:53:21.240
Like, did he switch careers?

1174
00:53:21.240 --> 00:53:23.080
And like, how is it,

1175
00:53:23.080 --> 00:53:26.120
like, what's the reason why?

1176
00:53:26.120 --> 00:53:27.920
Or are you just like a badass

1177
00:53:27.920 --> 00:53:29.520
and you make a lot of money?

1178
00:53:30.840 --> 00:53:33.080
You're probably a badass and you make a lot of money.

1179
00:53:33.080 --> 00:53:33.920
Okay.

1180
00:53:33.920 --> 00:53:35.000
I do.

1181
00:53:35.000 --> 00:53:35.840
You do.

1182
00:53:35.840 --> 00:53:37.320
So, okay, so that's a beautiful thing.

1183
00:53:37.320 --> 00:53:38.400
Okay, you know what, you guys?

1184
00:53:38.400 --> 00:53:40.160
I worked at a church in Connecticut

1185
00:53:40.160 --> 00:53:43.120
that had like the wealthiest people in the country.

1186
00:53:43.120 --> 00:53:45.760
My favorite couple in the world.

1187
00:53:45.760 --> 00:53:47.920
She was like total corporate chick.

1188
00:53:47.920 --> 00:53:50.760
He used to own his own,

1189
00:53:51.280 --> 00:53:53.040
he was like a general contractor, something like that.

1190
00:53:53.040 --> 00:53:54.440
He used to make a ton of money,

1191
00:53:54.440 --> 00:53:55.840
but then the market tanked

1192
00:53:55.840 --> 00:53:57.320
and it was like general contractors,

1193
00:53:57.320 --> 00:54:00.680
they just couldn't, they just plummeted.

1194
00:54:00.680 --> 00:54:02.880
And so then they started having all the kids

1195
00:54:02.880 --> 00:54:06.280
and they realized it was better economically for them,

1196
00:54:06.280 --> 00:54:08.520
especially with the downturn in the market,

1197
00:54:08.520 --> 00:54:10.040
for him to be a stay-at-home dad

1198
00:54:10.040 --> 00:54:13.280
while she did the big vice president gig.

1199
00:54:13.280 --> 00:54:16.000
And I'll tell you what, they had like the coolest marriage.

1200
00:54:16.000 --> 00:54:18.520
And so I'm not saying your guy should be lazy,

1201
00:54:18.520 --> 00:54:21.320
but I'm just saying we have this sense

1202
00:54:21.320 --> 00:54:23.800
that we think the men are supposed to make more money.

1203
00:54:23.800 --> 00:54:27.000
So part of the problem is you make buko money.

1204
00:54:27.000 --> 00:54:30.720
So it's not like, so does he make decent money

1205
00:54:30.720 --> 00:54:32.880
and does he love his job?

1206
00:54:32.880 --> 00:54:34.200
He does not love his job.

1207
00:54:34.200 --> 00:54:36.240
He doesn't make decent money.

1208
00:54:36.240 --> 00:54:37.680
And I don't make a whole lot of money,

1209
00:54:37.680 --> 00:54:39.400
but I make enough to-

1210
00:54:39.400 --> 00:54:41.680
Yeah, that it matters to, okay.

1211
00:54:41.680 --> 00:54:44.080
So is he looking to, because,

1212
00:54:44.080 --> 00:54:47.360
so you, but you did mention that he doesn't like his job.

1213
00:54:47.360 --> 00:54:50.680
So what he also might not be attracted to

1214
00:54:50.680 --> 00:54:54.240
isn't just that he's not making enough money,

1215
00:54:54.240 --> 00:54:56.760
but you wish he had a little more ambition,

1216
00:54:56.760 --> 00:54:58.080
like, okay, so you're not happy

1217
00:54:58.080 --> 00:54:59.120
or not making that much money,

1218
00:54:59.120 --> 00:55:00.520
then go get a different job.

1219
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.480
Ah, like chop, chop, like, so what you might be a little more worried about is his lack

1220
00:55:06.480 --> 00:55:07.480
of ambition.

1221
00:55:07.480 --> 00:55:08.480
Right.

1222
00:55:08.480 --> 00:55:16.840
And so, and that's something that you can talk to him about, like, you know, I, I realize

1223
00:55:16.840 --> 00:55:17.840
what's his name.

1224
00:55:17.840 --> 00:55:18.840
His name is Michael.

1225
00:55:18.840 --> 00:55:19.840
Okay.

1226
00:55:19.840 --> 00:55:22.360
So you could be like, Hey, Michael, you know what I realized?

1227
00:55:22.360 --> 00:55:26.440
I realized I'm a pretty ambitious, successful person.

1228
00:55:26.440 --> 00:55:29.960
And one of the things that Jackie talks about, I'm sorry, I guess I have to plug back in

1229
00:55:29.960 --> 00:55:31.960
and I'm like losing power here.

1230
00:55:31.960 --> 00:55:35.480
Um, one of the things that, you know, Jackie said that was really important to us, our

1231
00:55:35.480 --> 00:55:40.220
dating coach is that we find somebody who's kind of matching with us on the direction

1232
00:55:40.220 --> 00:55:41.780
that we're going in in life.

1233
00:55:41.780 --> 00:55:49.800
And so I never want you to feel like I'm charging ahead in life and accomplishing goals and

1234
00:55:49.800 --> 00:55:51.840
you're not like on board with them.

1235
00:55:51.840 --> 00:55:56.920
So could you tell me, you know, would you be willing to tell me a little, I'm curious,

1236
00:55:56.920 --> 00:56:02.440
would you be willing to share a little bit more about, do you have any other career goals

1237
00:56:02.440 --> 00:56:05.640
or there, is it, is there a new industry you want to get into?

1238
00:56:05.640 --> 00:56:07.640
Do you want to go back to school?

1239
00:56:07.640 --> 00:56:11.320
Like you're still too young to stay miserable in your job.

1240
00:56:11.320 --> 00:56:16.880
Like what, what do you see you wanting to do to boost your career forward in the next

1241
00:56:16.880 --> 00:56:20.120
three to five years so that you can have joy?

1242
00:56:20.120 --> 00:56:21.120
Yeah.

1243
00:56:21.120 --> 00:56:22.840
Could you have that?

1244
00:56:22.840 --> 00:56:23.920
We kind of did.

1245
00:56:23.920 --> 00:56:27.600
And I wish I did the, I wish I had the conversation differently.

1246
00:56:27.600 --> 00:56:34.180
So he asked me if I had any reservations about, you know, being with him exclusively.

1247
00:56:34.180 --> 00:56:36.800
And I told him, you know, I'm not really sure what it is that you do.

1248
00:56:36.800 --> 00:56:42.200
And I'm not sure if you can, you know, if you're ready to take care of me financially

1249
00:56:42.200 --> 00:56:45.800
in the way that I would want to be taken care of.

1250
00:56:45.800 --> 00:56:48.320
And we're both, you know, we're talking about family and stuff.

1251
00:56:48.320 --> 00:56:52.120
And I'm just like, I don't like, do you think you would make enough to take care of a family

1252
00:56:52.120 --> 00:56:53.120
right now?

1253
00:56:53.120 --> 00:56:54.120
And he said, no.

1254
00:56:54.120 --> 00:56:55.840
But then he told me exactly how much he made.

1255
00:56:55.840 --> 00:56:56.840
My mind was like blown.

1256
00:56:56.840 --> 00:56:59.840
I'm like, oh, okay.

1257
00:56:59.840 --> 00:57:01.880
Okay.

1258
00:57:01.880 --> 00:57:06.200
So you made it kind of all about money, right?

1259
00:57:06.200 --> 00:57:07.520
And that's okay.

1260
00:57:07.520 --> 00:57:09.160
You can circle back though.

1261
00:57:09.160 --> 00:57:10.640
So how did it end?

1262
00:57:10.640 --> 00:57:14.960
How did you end that conversation?

1263
00:57:14.960 --> 00:57:18.480
It ended with me asking him, like, you know, what does he want to do?

1264
00:57:18.480 --> 00:57:22.360
Like, does he have any plans to, you know, do anything else?

1265
00:57:22.360 --> 00:57:26.320
And he did mention that he would want it to go, he wanted to go back to school and maybe,

1266
00:57:26.320 --> 00:57:31.520
you know, get a few certificates at first and then maybe make his way into the medical

1267
00:57:31.520 --> 00:57:33.840
field, which I'm like, okay, great.

1268
00:57:33.840 --> 00:57:39.960
But you know, I don't feel comfortable moving forward if that's not already in motion.

1269
00:57:39.960 --> 00:57:44.240
Then I think you just need to tell him, and here's how you need to say it.

1270
00:57:44.240 --> 00:57:46.560
Like you got nothing to lose at this point, right?

1271
00:57:46.640 --> 00:57:50.320
Because you're either going to say, yes, I'd like to go into a level three relationship

1272
00:57:50.320 --> 00:57:52.440
with you, or I want to keep dating you.

1273
00:57:52.440 --> 00:57:56.040
And that might stop him from wanting to date you, right?

1274
00:57:56.040 --> 00:57:57.280
Like that might happen.

1275
00:57:57.280 --> 00:58:01.940
And so you can say, hey, you know, I've had time to reflect on what you asked me.

1276
00:58:01.940 --> 00:58:04.440
So I want to follow up and have that conversation.

1277
00:58:04.440 --> 00:58:07.320
I'm realizing it's not just about the money.

1278
00:58:07.320 --> 00:58:12.560
Can you provide, I want a partner who kind of has the same ambition I do, that wants

1279
00:58:12.560 --> 00:58:14.120
to be happy in their job.

1280
00:58:14.120 --> 00:58:18.160
And when, if they're not happy, they're going to take the steps to move forward.

1281
00:58:18.160 --> 00:58:22.600
What I need to make sure is that if I'm in a exclusive relationship, I'm not the one

1282
00:58:22.600 --> 00:58:26.120
driving the ambition in the relationship.

1283
00:58:26.120 --> 00:58:31.640
I need to know that you would like to take the lead on that, or at least match my energy.

1284
00:58:31.640 --> 00:58:36.360
Is that something you can take steps in today?

1285
00:58:36.360 --> 00:58:43.360
Or you can also say, I can't go exclusive with you until I see steps in that direction.

1286
00:58:43.360 --> 00:58:47.680
I'll be happy to keep dating you, but I never want to feel like you're doing it just for

1287
00:58:47.680 --> 00:58:49.880
me or you're promising it and it never happened.

1288
00:58:49.880 --> 00:58:52.320
So I need to see that.

1289
00:58:52.320 --> 00:58:55.640
You guys, I was dating somebody y'all know, for those who had been a while, you know,

1290
00:58:55.640 --> 00:58:58.320
I've been dating somebody serious for three months.

1291
00:58:58.320 --> 00:59:03.120
One of my deal breakers was, he had an issue with the IRS.

1292
00:59:03.120 --> 00:59:04.760
I'm just going to leave it at that.

1293
00:59:04.760 --> 00:59:10.560
And I just said, you need to do this and take care of it before I would ever remotely think

1294
00:59:10.600 --> 00:59:13.520
about getting engaged with you.

1295
00:59:13.520 --> 00:59:14.520
And he's like, you're being ridiculous.

1296
00:59:14.520 --> 00:59:16.040
I'm like, I don't care if I'm being ridiculous.

1297
00:59:16.040 --> 00:59:19.240
That's my deal breaker.

1298
00:59:19.240 --> 00:59:21.920
And so I was just really honest about that.

1299
00:59:21.920 --> 00:59:23.760
So you can be really honest.

1300
00:59:23.760 --> 00:59:26.160
You've now been six weeks, you said?

1301
00:59:26.160 --> 00:59:27.160
Yeah.

1302
00:59:27.160 --> 00:59:31.800
So, I mean, you're talking to each other six weeks and he's talking about being exclusive.

1303
00:59:31.800 --> 00:59:36.960
So I think you can revisit the conversation and just say, hey, I'm going to revisit this,

1304
00:59:36.960 --> 00:59:40.160
but I don't want your immediate reaction, your immediate answer.

1305
00:59:40.760 --> 00:59:42.760
I actually want you to think about it.

1306
00:59:42.760 --> 00:59:46.640
And I actually want you to come back to me and give me your thoughts.

1307
00:59:46.640 --> 00:59:51.280
And even if it's, I hated that you even asked me that, like, even if that's your answer,

1308
00:59:51.280 --> 00:59:55.800
I want you to feel comfortable and safe to tell me.

1309
00:59:55.800 --> 00:59:56.800
So that's what I would do.

1310
00:59:56.800 --> 01:00:00.040
I would bring the conversation back, say I had a chance to think about it.

1311
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.680
and pray about it. I want to revisit that conversation because I think you thought

1312
01:00:03.680 --> 01:00:09.120
it was all about this, but I'm realizing it's kind of bigger. And so I feel like for me,

1313
01:00:09.120 --> 01:00:13.920
I would need to see that emotion already. Now, before you feel like you need to respond right

1314
01:00:13.920 --> 01:00:17.520
now, since I went home and thought about it, I want you to feel like you can go home and

1315
01:00:17.520 --> 01:00:20.720
think about it and then we can circle back. Okay.

1316
01:00:22.160 --> 01:00:25.040
And keep me posted on that. I will.

1317
01:00:25.760 --> 01:00:31.680
Um, let's see. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good.

1318
01:00:35.840 --> 01:00:38.160
Okay. All right. Rachel, you're up.

1319
01:00:41.760 --> 01:00:50.560
So, my question is, I haven't had like an in-person date yet, but I just, I really,

1320
01:00:51.520 --> 01:00:57.120
because I have such an issue with, uh, specifically, um, with my knee, like I have a

1321
01:00:57.120 --> 01:01:06.800
knee that's bone on bone. So like, you know, I, there's not a lot that I can do. Um, even walking,

1322
01:01:06.800 --> 01:01:15.200
um, I'm a little limpy, you know? Um, so that is like, I'm, I'm, I'm in a, I'm like, Oh my God,

1323
01:01:15.280 --> 01:01:19.840
you know, am I even ready to date in person? Because I'm so self-conscious.

1324
01:01:19.840 --> 01:01:22.800
Yeah. Do you have a physical disability or are you injured?

1325
01:01:24.800 --> 01:01:28.960
Um, my, it's, it's bone on bone. Like I don't have,

1326
01:01:29.680 --> 01:01:33.680
Is this an injury that's going away or is this a permanent?

1327
01:01:34.960 --> 01:01:41.360
Well, I would have to, well, I'm, you know, trusting God for healing, but, um, I am,

1328
01:01:41.600 --> 01:01:50.400
I would need to do a knee replacement if, you know, in the, in the realistic world.

1329
01:01:50.400 --> 01:01:54.560
Yeah. Are you not, are you not doing the knee replacement because of money or insurance right

1330
01:01:54.560 --> 01:02:00.400
now? No. Um, I had a knee replacement on my left one and then I had to have a revision.

1331
01:02:01.040 --> 01:02:09.920
Okay. And that was a very hard recovery. Oh yeah. Um, and then, um, I had in January,

1332
01:02:10.080 --> 01:02:17.360
in January I stopped taking like all medications that I was taking. I've been pursuing a healthy

1333
01:02:17.360 --> 01:02:23.520
journey. Um, you know, all of that. Yeah. So let me tell you something. And there, I was,

1334
01:02:23.520 --> 01:02:29.520
I was asking very specific questions because my nephew has spina bifida and he's in a wheelchair.

1335
01:02:29.520 --> 01:02:37.360
My brother-in-law is a T T seven. He was in a spinal cord injury accident. And one of my best

1336
01:02:37.360 --> 01:02:45.200
friends is a T 12 and she was in a car accident, spinal cord injury. And all of them are married,

1337
01:02:46.240 --> 01:02:53.680
having great, happy, healthy, holy sexual lives. They all do wheelchair sports. And I have seen

1338
01:02:53.680 --> 01:03:00.800
people with autism, Asperger's. And in our community, we have two women who are self-proclaimed

1339
01:03:00.800 --> 01:03:09.200
Asperger's dating. Um, and so I guess what I want to tell you is do not let any physical

1340
01:03:09.200 --> 01:03:15.120
limitation you have stop you from thinking that you're not enough to go out and date.

1341
01:03:15.760 --> 01:03:22.080
Um, I've seen some incredible marriages. Have you not seen like that hot guy with like no arms and

1342
01:03:22.080 --> 01:03:26.480
legs who does all those speaking engagements? And he's got like that beautiful wife and children.

1343
01:03:26.480 --> 01:03:30.480
And you're thinking, Oh my gosh, how do they even have sex? Like, I'm just letting you know

1344
01:03:30.480 --> 01:03:38.240
that there are people out there that will get to know you. So you have to figure out Rachel,

1345
01:03:38.240 --> 01:03:44.960
what can I do to enjoy my life now? So I can feel like I'm having fun. So I don't feel like I'm in a

1346
01:03:44.960 --> 01:03:52.480
deficit when I go on a date. Um, like my, my family members in chairs, they go bowling,

1347
01:03:52.480 --> 01:03:58.080
they go hunting, they go fishing, they go skiing. There's adaptive, there's adaptive, um,

1348
01:03:58.800 --> 01:04:04.160
equipment for just about every sport you can think of. And so I would just, I'm not saying

1349
01:04:04.160 --> 01:04:08.640
you need a wheelchair, but I'm just, I'm trying to let you know that I want you to start dreaming

1350
01:04:08.640 --> 01:04:14.160
again of all the things that you love to do. And if you can't do surgery right now and you can't

1351
01:04:14.160 --> 01:04:19.040
move around, then I want you to think about what you can do and what you do enjoy. Maybe you want

1352
01:04:19.040 --> 01:04:23.840
to take a cooking class with a guy like, or you can be like, Hey, you know what? Can we go meet up

1353
01:04:23.840 --> 01:04:30.400
at a park where we can just have a picnic and we can bring a board games. Like I know guys that

1354
01:04:30.400 --> 01:04:38.080
love board games, card games, like you, you know, backgammon, um, there, you know, there's a lot you

1355
01:04:38.080 --> 01:04:43.760
can do without having to move around. Somebody just sent a link to somebody just in a lake.

1356
01:04:43.760 --> 01:04:48.240
Melissa, what are you sending a link to? Oh, is that Nick? Oh, thank you for doing that. That's

1357
01:04:48.240 --> 01:04:56.800
very sweet of you. Go check out Nick because he's very inspirational. Um, so I'm just, I, I just,

1358
01:04:56.800 --> 01:04:59.680
you guys, Jackie always talks about don't.

1359
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.640
disqualify yourself.

1360
01:05:01.640 --> 01:05:05.040
You might think you're too short, too fat,

1361
01:05:05.040 --> 01:05:09.880
too old, too young, too many children.

1362
01:05:09.880 --> 01:05:11.120
You guys, one of my friends,

1363
01:05:11.120 --> 01:05:13.400
I've been begging to join this program.

1364
01:05:13.400 --> 01:05:18.400
She's got four kids, four kids, little.

1365
01:05:19.120 --> 01:05:21.400
You know the guy she's met that she's dating,

1366
01:05:21.400 --> 01:05:22.280
she met online?

1367
01:05:22.280 --> 01:05:24.080
She swore she would never do online dating.

1368
01:05:24.080 --> 01:05:26.040
Guess how many kids he has?

1369
01:05:26.040 --> 01:05:27.320
Four.

1370
01:05:27.320 --> 01:05:30.440
So they've already started doing activities together

1371
01:05:30.440 --> 01:05:34.000
with eight children, eight children.

1372
01:05:34.000 --> 01:05:36.080
And so you would think, oh my gosh,

1373
01:05:36.080 --> 01:05:39.560
there's no way a guy's gonna pick a girl with four kids.

1374
01:05:39.560 --> 01:05:43.500
So I'm just gonna encourage the stink out of you

1375
01:05:43.500 --> 01:05:48.040
to remember how loved and adored and valuable you are.

1376
01:05:48.040 --> 01:05:49.720
You are more than your need.

1377
01:05:49.720 --> 01:05:51.760
You are more, you guys don't know this,

1378
01:05:51.760 --> 01:05:52.760
but I got a bum eye.

1379
01:05:52.760 --> 01:05:53.580
I use one eye.

1380
01:05:53.580 --> 01:05:55.840
That's why when Ghislaine was like, I was looking,

1381
01:05:55.840 --> 01:05:58.680
I was literally looking out of this one good working eye.

1382
01:05:58.680 --> 01:06:01.400
The problem is because of allergy season,

1383
01:06:01.400 --> 01:06:04.520
there's so much protein deposit on my contact lenses.

1384
01:06:04.520 --> 01:06:06.800
I'm looking for the one spot on my lens

1385
01:06:06.800 --> 01:06:09.600
that doesn't even have the gunk all on my eye.

1386
01:06:09.600 --> 01:06:11.360
I don't let my eye problems stop me

1387
01:06:11.360 --> 01:06:12.680
from doing a lot of stuff, too.

1388
01:06:12.680 --> 01:06:14.440
I've had lots of surgeries.

1389
01:06:14.440 --> 01:06:15.840
There's technically a lot of stuff

1390
01:06:15.840 --> 01:06:17.080
I'm not supposed to be able to do,

1391
01:06:17.080 --> 01:06:18.880
and I've learned how to do.

1392
01:06:18.880 --> 01:06:21.480
So do not let that stop you.

1393
01:06:21.480 --> 01:06:25.200
But the crap you're saying to yourself in your head,

1394
01:06:25.200 --> 01:06:28.120
that's what's gonna make you unattractive, right?

1395
01:06:28.120 --> 01:06:31.180
That's the garbage we gotta get rid of that's in our head.

1396
01:06:31.180 --> 01:06:34.560
That's the stuff, you guys, that guys notice.

1397
01:06:34.560 --> 01:06:36.800
We wanna make sure we show up with a smile.

1398
01:06:36.800 --> 01:06:38.600
We smile with our eyes.

1399
01:06:38.600 --> 01:06:40.500
We have a good attitude.

1400
01:06:41.800 --> 01:06:45.600
And then pay attention to what you can work on.

1401
01:06:45.600 --> 01:06:48.000
Make sure you got good, cool makeup on.

1402
01:06:48.000 --> 01:06:50.000
Make sure you got cute earrings on.

1403
01:06:50.000 --> 01:06:52.640
Fix your hair, have a cute outfit.

1404
01:06:52.640 --> 01:06:55.560
Do all the things that you can control.

1405
01:06:55.560 --> 01:06:57.600
And then the stuff that you can't control, you guys,

1406
01:06:57.600 --> 01:06:58.880
I can't control my height.

1407
01:06:58.880 --> 01:07:00.560
I'm 4'11".

1408
01:07:00.560 --> 01:07:05.160
So if a guy wants to date a girl that's over 5'5",

1409
01:07:05.160 --> 01:07:06.880
then he's not going to pick me,

1410
01:07:06.880 --> 01:07:08.880
and I'm not a damn thing I can do about it.

1411
01:07:08.880 --> 01:07:10.560
Now, I can wear really high heels,

1412
01:07:10.560 --> 01:07:12.160
but that's about all I can do.

1413
01:07:12.160 --> 01:07:13.000
I'm 5'3".

1414
01:07:14.640 --> 01:07:16.600
But thank you for asking that, Rachel,

1415
01:07:16.600 --> 01:07:17.920
because you are not alone,

1416
01:07:17.920 --> 01:07:19.400
because for you, it's your knee.

1417
01:07:19.400 --> 01:07:22.260
For somebody else on this call or watching in replay,

1418
01:07:22.780 --> 01:07:23.620
they have another reason

1419
01:07:23.620 --> 01:07:24.940
why they're disqualifying themselves.

1420
01:07:24.940 --> 01:07:26.900
So you are not alone in doing that.

1421
01:07:26.900 --> 01:07:28.220
We all can do it.

1422
01:07:29.060 --> 01:07:31.220
And so we're just going to let that ship sail.

1423
01:07:31.220 --> 01:07:33.340
All right, any more questions?

1424
01:07:33.340 --> 01:07:36.100
I'm certainly not going to make you guys stay on

1425
01:07:36.100 --> 01:07:37.340
just for the sake of it.

1426
01:07:40.580 --> 01:07:43.740
See, do you see how close I'm getting to read this?

1427
01:07:43.740 --> 01:07:46.780
I want to know, once you go to like the Home Depot

1428
01:07:46.780 --> 01:07:48.900
or the Bass Pro, what do you do?

1429
01:07:48.900 --> 01:07:50.740
I mean, do you make up a product you're looking for

1430
01:07:50.740 --> 01:07:51.580
and ask the guy?

1431
01:07:52.420 --> 01:07:54.740
Well, here's the good thing about Home Depot.

1432
01:07:54.740 --> 01:07:56.500
You can buy anything for your house.

1433
01:07:56.500 --> 01:07:58.340
You can buy batteries.

1434
01:07:58.340 --> 01:08:00.300
You can buy extension cords.

1435
01:08:00.300 --> 01:08:02.020
Who doesn't need an extension cord?

1436
01:08:02.020 --> 01:08:04.360
Everybody needs an extra extension cord.

1437
01:08:05.740 --> 01:08:07.540
You know, you could pretend to be looking

1438
01:08:07.540 --> 01:08:09.260
for patio furniture.

1439
01:08:09.260 --> 01:08:13.020
You could pretend to be looking for a new ceiling fan.

1440
01:08:13.020 --> 01:08:14.180
Or like, you know what?

1441
01:08:14.180 --> 01:08:18.260
I'm thinking about getting a new chandelier for my dining.

1442
01:08:18.260 --> 01:08:19.340
I don't know.

1443
01:08:19.340 --> 01:08:20.580
And you just go look.

1444
01:08:20.580 --> 01:08:22.740
And then you're like, oh my gosh, where are the chandeliers?

1445
01:08:22.740 --> 01:08:23.779
Like, whatever.

1446
01:08:23.779 --> 01:08:25.880
So like, have you not been into Home Depot?

1447
01:08:25.880 --> 01:08:27.939
There's so much window shopping you can do.

1448
01:08:27.939 --> 01:08:29.140
Well, yeah, I just mean,

1449
01:08:29.140 --> 01:08:31.859
are you asking the other customers random questions

1450
01:08:31.859 --> 01:08:33.420
to strike up a conversation?

1451
01:08:33.420 --> 01:08:35.000
It could be the customers.

1452
01:08:35.000 --> 01:08:37.800
It could be the guy working the thing.

1453
01:08:38.700 --> 01:08:43.460
But basically, I'm practicing how to make conversation.

1454
01:08:43.460 --> 01:08:47.700
I'm practicing how to make eye contact with people.

1455
01:08:47.700 --> 01:08:49.460
And you're like, oh my gosh, wait,

1456
01:08:49.460 --> 01:08:52.060
do you know where the extension cords are?

1457
01:08:52.060 --> 01:08:53.500
Oh yeah, ma'am, they're right over there.

1458
01:08:53.500 --> 01:08:55.300
Even if that's all you do, Keri,

1459
01:08:55.300 --> 01:08:59.740
I'm just trying to get you to start talking to people.

1460
01:08:59.740 --> 01:09:01.140
Start asking for people.

1461
01:09:02.020 --> 01:09:03.819
You know, if you see, yeah.

1462
01:09:03.819 --> 01:09:05.420
Like, I'm just trying to get you

1463
01:09:05.420 --> 01:09:06.979
to start talking to people.

1464
01:09:06.979 --> 01:09:08.740
Obviously, if you get a girlfriend

1465
01:09:08.740 --> 01:09:12.779
and you go to like the local sports bar

1466
01:09:12.779 --> 01:09:14.380
and you go watch a game,

1467
01:09:14.380 --> 01:09:16.500
like that's a little bit more natural, right?

1468
01:09:16.500 --> 01:09:18.080
And you're like staying for the game.

1469
01:09:18.080 --> 01:09:19.600
Hopefully, you're gonna be watching a game

1470
01:09:19.600 --> 01:09:21.640
that you actually like.

1471
01:09:21.640 --> 01:09:24.180
You might pick volunteering at something.

1472
01:09:24.180 --> 01:09:25.960
That's why I said Habitat for Humanity

1473
01:09:25.960 --> 01:09:26.800
or something like that

1474
01:09:26.800 --> 01:09:29.560
because that's like a three-hour volunteer gig.

1475
01:09:29.560 --> 01:09:33.240
You're all kind of camaraderie doing something together.

1476
01:09:33.240 --> 01:09:37.120
Like Nashville has a nonprofit called Hands on Nashville.

1477
01:09:37.120 --> 01:09:39.120
And if you sign up at Hands on Nashville,

1478
01:09:39.120 --> 01:09:41.460
you could literally volunteer every single weekend

1479
01:09:41.460 --> 01:09:45.540
if you wanted to at different gigs all over the city.

1480
01:09:45.540 --> 01:09:47.720
And if you really wanted to meet guys,

1481
01:09:48.359 --> 01:09:50.000
you're gonna pick the activities

1482
01:09:50.000 --> 01:09:54.640
that are like a Habitat, like a rebuild,

1483
01:09:54.640 --> 01:09:57.280
like moving lots of heavy stuff

1484
01:09:57.280 --> 01:10:00.480
because it's gonna draw out more men to show up.

1485
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:09.080
go up at that. And you start striking up conversations with people. So yeah, it's hard. I know it's

1486
01:10:09.080 --> 01:10:14.360
hard. I'm just asking you to just start, you know, get a girlfriend and just start. But

1487
01:10:14.360 --> 01:10:19.660
like I said, take your laptop, take a book and go to the coffee shop. Start being friendly

1488
01:10:19.660 --> 01:10:25.640
with people. You'd be surprised though in a grocery store how much you can ask for.

1489
01:10:25.640 --> 01:10:30.600
I ask, I always pick the thing on the top shelf and I'm always like, Oh my gosh, can

1490
01:10:30.600 --> 01:10:35.760
you get that for me at the gym? Like there's like the pull down machine. I have to step

1491
01:10:35.760 --> 01:10:40.600
up onto the chair to reach the top of it. I don't do that no more. I always go, I always

1492
01:10:40.600 --> 01:10:45.240
find a dude to do it. Now could I get up on the chair myself and do it? Yeah, but that

1493
01:10:45.240 --> 01:10:51.680
doesn't help me. So I'm like, Hey, do you mind getting that for me? There's this hot

1494
01:10:51.680 --> 01:10:56.520
guy at the gym. You guys, he, he must, he might, he might've been in the military. He

1495
01:10:56.520 --> 01:11:02.320
has, he's got a leg missing from knee down. So he comes in with crutches and I've watched

1496
01:11:02.320 --> 01:11:07.800
his game. Like he tries to pick up a few things and he slugs over to the chair. A couple times

1497
01:11:07.800 --> 01:11:13.720
I saw him ask, he asks like one of the high school kids to help go get weight. So now

1498
01:11:13.720 --> 01:11:17.720
I'm like, ah, like I need to offer to help this guy. Right? I don't know his situation,

1499
01:11:17.720 --> 01:11:21.360
but I'm like, Hey, do you need me to go get your weights for you today? He's like, Oh

1500
01:11:21.360 --> 01:11:26.520
my gosh, I just got him. But thank you so much. I was really sweet of you. Awesome.

1501
01:11:26.520 --> 01:11:31.400
So that was like me kind of practicing the guy sitting next to me at planet fitness,

1502
01:11:31.400 --> 01:11:35.440
getting a massage and the chair, like in the, in the black club, we're going to massage.

1503
01:11:35.440 --> 01:11:39.680
We are both like whining over our aches and pains. And I was really kind of, you know,

1504
01:11:39.680 --> 01:11:45.760
so like you just start practicing, start like, that's why I always joke around. Don't join

1505
01:11:45.800 --> 01:11:50.720
the bougie. Like I'm a bar instructor, like at Pilates bar. Like I say this because I've

1506
01:11:50.720 --> 01:11:56.160
done the bougie boutique stuff, but that's not where the guys are. Join like a planet

1507
01:11:56.160 --> 01:12:06.080
fitness, join something that you might actually run into guys. So try to do things. All right,

1508
01:12:06.080 --> 01:12:12.120
you guys, any final question? This is good. This was a good session tonight. I've enjoyed

1509
01:12:12.120 --> 01:12:17.480
it. It was fun. And we're going to, I'm going to wish I'm going to pray us out. Father God,

1510
01:12:17.480 --> 01:12:21.800
thank you so much for each and every single woman here. I just ask that you guide them,

1511
01:12:21.800 --> 01:12:26.960
that you bless them, that you speak wisdom, that you give them like just so many cool

1512
01:12:26.960 --> 01:12:34.080
ways to interact with the opposite sex. Father God, let them know that you delight in them

1513
01:12:34.080 --> 01:12:38.480
and just give them fun ways for them to interact and step out of the box. We just ask for a

1514
01:12:38.480 --> 01:12:43.040
head, your protection over each and every single woman in Jesus name. Amen. God bless

1515
01:12:43.040 --> 01:12:44.080
you all. Have a great.