WEBVTT

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Okay, everybody, welcome to our weekly check-in for Phase 2 Love Story Accelerator.

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Renee Rizzo here.

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It is my honor and privilege to get to walk with you through your love story.

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How many folks are here for the first time?

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Do we have any first times?

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All right.

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Okay.

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All right, y'all.

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Four of you are new.

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Oh my gosh.

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Y'all are about to get some excitement on.

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Woo.

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Okay.

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So I have some new folks.

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Let me just tell you a little bit about how check-ins look a little bit different if you're

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used to doing check-ins with Bethany in HeartWork.

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She will kind of do some teaching, and then I believe y'all go into breakout groups and

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then kind of come back together.

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You will stay together with me this whole time because I will do a little bit of teaching

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and housekeeping in the first 20 to 30 minutes, and then I really open the floor for questions

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for you guys to get live coaching.

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This is your small group coaching time.

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So unlike the HeartWork where you're processing some stuff more personally with one another,

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this is like good old like, how do I do this?

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What's going on with this?

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And by listening to other people's questions, you're like, oh my gosh, I had the same question.

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I was too afraid to ask that.

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Or sometimes, y'all, we don't realize what we're doing in our own patterns till we hear

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ourselves say it out loud, or we listen to that pattern in somebody else, and you're

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like, oh crap, I do that.

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Is that what that looks like?

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And so there's something really powerful about sharing stories and being really honest, and

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I have to say, I really am grateful that phase two, women get really vulnerable here.

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I know they do in phase one too, but there could be a lot of pressure in phase two to

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feel like, oh my gosh, everyone's out there dating, I'm behind, what's going on with me?

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And the truth is, it's just all beautiful and messy and clunky all at the same time

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for everybody, and I like to say that, you know, like there's the Instagram version of

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our life story, and then there's weekly check-ins.

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And so weekly check-ins, it's the one time it's not co-ed, y'all can look like crap like

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me right now, and I was working out, and I just haven't made myself look more presentable

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the rest of the day.

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I threw on earrings for you guys and some lip gloss, and that's about the best I got

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for you.

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So I'm super excited.

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So that's like the difference from phase one to phase two.

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Remember there's a lot less homework and a lot less content in phase two, and that's

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good because we want you to get out there in the real life.

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So you have like five videos to be watching in the course of phase two.

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There's that initial love story accelerator kind of kickoff that Jackie does.

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And then there is Dating 101.

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There is the Divine Feminine, which includes content about the divine masculine.

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There is Online Dating, and then there is the Boundaries video.

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I do the last two, and you watch them at your own pace.

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We say watch them once a week.

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They're about an hour long each.

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Sometimes some of them might be even a little bit longer.

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So that's a lot, and not everyone can watch it all in one sitting.

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Some of you kind of vomit and watch all the videos all at once, and that's fine.

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We still want you to stay here for a month.

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So you're not going anywhere for a month, and the cool thing is you get to do a lot

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of what everybody's doing in phase three, but you're doing it in a smaller environment.

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So you get a lot more opportunity for small group coaching.

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There's a lot less of you in the newsfeed, so we get to give you a lot more attention,

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a lot more help.

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There's less of you on this weekly call, so you get a lot more attention and a lot more

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help as you come out of hiding.

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And so all of the time that you were spending on homework, you're spending it kind of getting

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back out there and doing things differently.

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And so some of you are like, and I'm seeing both extremes.

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So my housekeeping notes is based on what I'm seeing you guys put in the feed, and also

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based on what I hear in the roll call.

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And so I'm definitely seeing some extremes here, you guys, of everything from there's

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no way in heck I'm getting out there dating, I'm just not ready, I've never dated, and

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then they're, oh my gosh, I've dated a thousand people, and I already know what to do, and

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I'm not going to do it the way that you're doing it.

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And I'm like, fine, then don't do it the way we're suggesting it, and you're going to,

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if you keep, you know what, you know what, insanity is, right?

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Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.

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So why not just try for shits and giggles, try something different in how you either

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approach yourself or how you approach men and see what might come up and be willing

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to be surprised and be willing to be made moldable and changeable and growth.

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Because I bet you every single one of you wants a man who's willing to grow.

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He's willing to grow in his spirituality, he's willing to grow in his health, and he's

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wanting to grow in his ability to be a great marriage partner.

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None of you want to pick a guy who's like,

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I've got it all figured out and I got nothing new to learn. Nuh-uh. We don't want that

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So we don't want we don't want that in the other men. We certainly don't want to have that in ourselves

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We always want to have like I believe i'm done learning when I get to the other side of the veil

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That's when i'm done learning until then. Uh, it says scripture says that we are constantly being transformed. We are being transformed

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So and it says he who began a good work will in us will complete it until the day of christ

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So the last I checked it's not the day of christ. So we're being made complete. We're not yet complete

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So here all of this stuff in the news feed and everything

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Just like just hear it with that kind of lens like oh, I don't like what they're saying

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But let me just try it on just even if it's for five minutes

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It may not be for me

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But let me just try it on for like 10 minutes and see what that feels like to do that

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So just to give you the summary of what's in all of the videos dating 101 talks about dating differently

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Dating in levels it talks about just especially

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Level one is this it's all of us chit chatting in a large group environment

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I Jackie would argue even when you're texting online with a guy that's still level one

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He's talking to you while he's probably talking to 25 other or other chicks

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You're not even on a solo date with him until your first date

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And that would be level two dating. It's that discovery dating. It is you're not vomiting your life story

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You're not telling all your all your weaknesses. You're not talking about your exes

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You're just not doing that, but you're just getting to know him and he's getting to know you

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You're not making out in the back seat. No matter how hot he is

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You're just not doing that yet. Like you're just getting to know him and he's just getting to know you

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And then of course level three dating she talks about being that exclusive relationship

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um, and then level four is engagement level five is

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Um marriage and then in the divine masculine and feminine

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She does a really great teaching a biblical teaching on what god really meant for women as the easer

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to the men

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And how it all fell apart in our relationship back in the garden

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And how we've taken the tide from like where the patriarchy took over the the women

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Then the women's liberation movement where we kind of toppled the men and now we're kind of in this gender fluid

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We have no gender like

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The enemy is just having a field day with it

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And so she really talks about the seven positive traits of a divinely masculine man and a divinely

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Feminine woman and also what those strengths look like when they get overused

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I just did this teaching with the guys last night you guys

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It's the first time we're actually taking the guys through all of these secondary teachings

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They've been doing the heart work like y'all, but we've never taken them through phase two before

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And so this is my second week working with them y'all they were taking notes

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Furiously about what a divinely feminine woman should look like and then what a masculine man should look like

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So if you don't think that men don't want to get better

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I promise you they really do they were like all in it and I was super excited about that

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And then of course online dating is a great dating video to do even if you never want to do online dating

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It really helps you learn how to navigate when you first get to know a stranger how to get from texting

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To a video date to a live date and then continuing to date that person

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So even if you don't want to do online dating

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There are great ways to meet people and if you have that question during the q a section feel free to ask me and i'll answer

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How do you meet guys if you don't want to do online dating we can talk about that

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And then of course the boundaries one i've been teaching about boundaries

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For about 20 years y'all I was in full-time church ministry

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I ran a non-profit for 20 years and now i'm a full-time executive coach for c suite

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C suite leader. So that's part of my um gig here and I actually just started seminary in january. So doing that part-time

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Crazy girl that I am

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So you want to talk about like a date buster, you know

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If you want to find out how men where are they're at with their faith

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You tell them you're going to seminary and you find out really fast how fast they reach for the door that

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You're like, oh, okay

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So i've got lots of fun ways

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You can talk about faith with men without bombarding them and I can answer that in the q a section as well

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Okay, so here are some tidbits

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Y'all here y'all with me. Um when we move to phase three, we don't

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um

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Let's see

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We don't get to come to the love seats

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Oh love seats with jackie is part of phase three. So, um, she does that

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At least once a month. She has asked jackie and then she has the love seat

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So love seats basically is this but for 120 people that show up

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So that's what this is basically a version of love seats you guys just get to come here

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Every week and kind of get it every single week

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um, okay

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Yeah, yes indy, I appreciate you girl. I appreciate you. Okay, so that's all the the homework. All right, so

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here are some bullet points I have for you guys. Take notes, whatever. And also when we get to the

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Q&A, I kind of run late on Tuesday nights. I stay on until the last person has a question.

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I'm just going to ask you to be lean in your explanation. Sometimes y'all give me a dissertation,

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war and peace. I don't need all that much information when you do your Q&A,

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but I will always hold space for everybody. If you have to get off because it's too late for you,

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get off. It's okay. You can watch this in replay later and get the rest of it later.

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Okay. So my first tidbit for you is just do the next right thing. Just do the next right thing.

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When I ran a nonprofit, our clients would be super overwhelmed when they had to think about

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the 25 things that they needed to do before she had her baby. So we'd always say, just do the

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next right thing. We're just going to help you do the next right thing and do the next right thing.

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So that's what I want you to do here. I don't want you to worry. I don't want even you to be worried.

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If you just got to phase two, I don't want you asking me questions about phase three. You got

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a whole month. So just chill it on down. And I'm not saying that you're not ready to go to phase

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three, but I'm saying you guys just do the next right thing. Okay. I also want you guys to do

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an exercise with me. Grab your hands. If you're not driving, grab your hands. Okay. I want you

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to squeeze the tar out of your hands. Squeeze them, squeeze them, squeeze them, squeeze them,

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squeeze them, squeeze them. Okay. Now let them go. Did y'all feel the tension and the pressure

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in your body when you were squeezing your hands? Right? Didn't it make your whole body tense?

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And now when you hold your hands loosely, it's like, wow, you can actually breathe.

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So that's the same way I'm seeing some of you already acting in phase two. Like, oh my gosh,

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oh my gosh, where's the date? I've got to get date three today. I don't know about his faith,

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but does he love Jesus? Does he want to have sex before marriage? Like where are the men?

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Like, okay. Y'all are going to stress yourself out. You're going to get TMJ from like clenching

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your teeth and you got to hold your hands loosely. The other analogy I want to give you this

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is I saw a fitness guy say this on Instagram, and he was basically saying the reason why you

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get an injury at the gym is when you're holding the weights too tightly when you're doing the

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exercise, that there's a part of you that are supposed to hold the weights a little bit loosely

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so that your muscles can kind of move with it. It's very similar to what you see when a bridge

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is built to handle the movement of the water. It's the same thing with a tall building. A tall

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building is built to handle the movement of the wind. In California, houses are built to be able

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to move with an earthquake. And so those are all the analogies that I want you to think about when

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you're starting to get too tense about any of this. You want to try to hold your hand loosely

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on the outcomes. It really is all about the process and not the thing at the end of the day.

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Okay. So in Love Story Accelerator, if you've not watched it, Jackie imposes a seven-date

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goal. And some of you might be like, seven dates? I haven't had seven dates in seven years. You want

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me to have seven dates in the next seven weeks? Like, how's that going to even happen? I don't

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know. She just wants you to get outside your box, you guys. Video dates count. Seven dates with the

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same person count. Texting does not count. A phone call really doesn't count. It's got to be a

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video day or a live date. And we can talk about that. But you guys, again, there's no failure

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here. She just wants you to get outside your comfort zone. And she wants you to get to know

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different people. So we're not telling you that it has to be the same guy. And you guys, here's

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the thing. Nobody's forcing you to be on a bad date. So if he's starting to act like a jerk,

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end the date. If he's starting to be inappropriate, end the date. If he's just boring as all get out,

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but he has enough qualities, you're like, God, on paper, he seems so good. But in front of me,

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it's like watching paint dry. You might give him one more chance and say, dude,

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what is it that you like to do? Like, if he wants to see you again, what is it that you like to do

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that brings you so much fun and joy? Let him pick the next activity. And so you get to see him in

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his best light. And then you give him that chance. And if it's still like watching paint dry,

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then no, I'm not going to make you keep dating him. Of course not. Like that's not what we're

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here after. You are only responsible for your part of your love story. So in your love story,

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it's your choices and behaviors, his choices and behaviors, and God's part in it, right?

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God gave us free will. So God can't force me to behave a certain way. And he can't force

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a man to behave a certain way. How many of us can look back at relationships and honestly say,

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yeah, I was the unhealthy one in that. And I really had some growing that I needed to do.

210
00:14:43.280 --> 00:14:49.280
Is it just me? There's a few of us, right? So sometimes it is possible we were with a guy

211
00:14:49.280 --> 00:14:54.480
that could have been a good marriage partner, but it was us and we hadn't worked through our stuff

212
00:14:54.480 --> 00:14:59.680
yet. And so we were the unhealthy one. Okay. How many of us were in a good relationship where we

213
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.620
Like, golly, this felt really God ordained,

214
00:15:03.620 --> 00:15:07.600
but his messy story, he couldn't get over his mess yet.

215
00:15:07.600 --> 00:15:09.160
How many of us been there, right?

216
00:15:09.160 --> 00:15:10.240
I've been there.

217
00:15:10.240 --> 00:15:11.500
Am I the only one that has been there?

218
00:15:11.500 --> 00:15:13.120
Where you're like, God, he was a really good guy.

219
00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:13.960
So that's what happened.

220
00:15:13.960 --> 00:15:16.760
So sometimes you have two good people,

221
00:15:16.760 --> 00:15:21.200
but if one of the two of you isn't moving towards health,

222
00:15:21.200 --> 00:15:22.560
then it may not work out.

223
00:15:22.560 --> 00:15:24.560
That doesn't mean that God's not gonna redeem

224
00:15:24.560 --> 00:15:25.600
your love story,

225
00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:27.760
because he's not gonna be dependent.

226
00:15:27.760 --> 00:15:28.600
And here's the thing, you guys,

227
00:15:29.400 --> 00:15:31.240
believe it or not, this may give you some hope

228
00:15:31.240 --> 00:15:33.800
or deflate all your Hallmark movies,

229
00:15:33.800 --> 00:15:36.040
but there's not only one person out there for you.

230
00:15:36.040 --> 00:15:37.760
On the planet with millions and millions

231
00:15:37.760 --> 00:15:39.200
and millions of people,

232
00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:42.200
God has a handful of men that are better for you

233
00:15:42.200 --> 00:15:43.520
than other men.

234
00:15:43.520 --> 00:15:46.160
And so he knows that you're gonna have some free will,

235
00:15:46.160 --> 00:15:47.880
he's gonna have some free will,

236
00:15:47.880 --> 00:15:49.880
and all of the things have to happen.

237
00:15:49.880 --> 00:15:53.040
And so God is gonna make sure that if Bozo

238
00:15:53.040 --> 00:15:54.880
didn't get his act together,

239
00:15:54.880 --> 00:15:56.360
that he's gonna be working already

240
00:15:56.360 --> 00:15:57.880
on the next guy ready for you.

241
00:15:57.920 --> 00:15:59.440
So you don't have to worry about it.

242
00:15:59.440 --> 00:16:00.880
If you're here in this program,

243
00:16:00.880 --> 00:16:03.560
it's because you truly believe

244
00:16:03.560 --> 00:16:06.440
that God placed a desire in your heart to get married.

245
00:16:06.440 --> 00:16:07.600
And guess what?

246
00:16:07.600 --> 00:16:08.960
I will believe that for you,

247
00:16:08.960 --> 00:16:11.440
and I will believe that for me until my last breath.

248
00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:12.400
And that's okay.

249
00:16:12.400 --> 00:16:14.560
Like, even if it doesn't come to pass,

250
00:16:14.560 --> 00:16:16.880
I'm gonna still keep that hope alive in me

251
00:16:16.880 --> 00:16:18.440
for you and for all of us.

252
00:16:18.440 --> 00:16:21.600
And so we are not gonna get discouraged by it.

253
00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:22.680
Okay.

254
00:16:22.680 --> 00:16:24.680
You are definitely not in a race with each other.

255
00:16:24.680 --> 00:16:27.200
Some of you are coming in here with different love stories,

256
00:16:27.200 --> 00:16:28.040
different paths.

257
00:16:28.040 --> 00:16:30.000
Some of you feel completely ready to get out there.

258
00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:31.720
Some of you don't feel ready at all.

259
00:16:31.720 --> 00:16:34.360
So don't feel like you have to go at any pace

260
00:16:34.360 --> 00:16:35.480
that's not your own.

261
00:16:36.880 --> 00:16:38.640
If it took you a while to get here,

262
00:16:38.640 --> 00:16:41.600
it might take you a little while to get the breakthrough.

263
00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:43.160
So, I mean, again,

264
00:16:43.160 --> 00:16:45.880
everybody comes in here with a different amount of pain,

265
00:16:45.880 --> 00:16:48.040
suffering, hurt, brokenness.

266
00:16:48.040 --> 00:16:50.000
And so you might see some people

267
00:16:50.000 --> 00:16:52.000
get their love story faster than others.

268
00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:54.480
Y'all, I don't have the answer to why.

269
00:16:54.480 --> 00:16:57.840
Usually anytime a question to God starts with why,

270
00:16:57.840 --> 00:16:59.440
we don't have a good answer.

271
00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:01.240
I can hold space with you for that.

272
00:17:01.240 --> 00:17:03.320
I can hold space with the discouragement

273
00:17:03.320 --> 00:17:05.240
and the confusion that comes with that.

274
00:17:05.240 --> 00:17:07.040
And I'll be happy to do that here for you

275
00:17:07.040 --> 00:17:08.599
anytime that you want.

276
00:17:08.599 --> 00:17:11.359
But I'm probably never gonna have a good answer to why.

277
00:17:11.359 --> 00:17:14.359
In fact, I never know in scripture or in real life,

278
00:17:14.359 --> 00:17:17.440
whenever somebody asks a why question of God,

279
00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:19.040
I've never heard a good answer.

280
00:17:19.040 --> 00:17:20.200
Why did my son die?

281
00:17:20.200 --> 00:17:22.400
Why did that person get cancer?

282
00:17:22.400 --> 00:17:23.319
Why this?

283
00:17:23.359 --> 00:17:24.839
Those big why questions,

284
00:17:24.839 --> 00:17:26.280
I don't think we get the answers to

285
00:17:26.280 --> 00:17:28.240
on this side of the veil.

286
00:17:28.240 --> 00:17:30.480
But we can hold space for one another.

287
00:17:30.480 --> 00:17:32.720
Second bullet point, do it differently.

288
00:17:32.720 --> 00:17:35.840
I kind of alluded to this earlier.

289
00:17:35.840 --> 00:17:38.160
If you've already been on dozens and dozens of dates

290
00:17:38.160 --> 00:17:40.280
and you're like, nope, this is just how I'm gonna do it.

291
00:17:40.280 --> 00:17:42.320
I'm gonna ask him in the first 48 hours

292
00:17:42.320 --> 00:17:43.840
what his testimony is.

293
00:17:43.840 --> 00:17:45.040
Does he speak in tongues?

294
00:17:45.040 --> 00:17:47.080
Is he willing not to have sex with me?

295
00:17:47.080 --> 00:17:51.240
And I don't know, all those other crazy defended role,

296
00:17:51.240 --> 00:17:54.080
all those things that you've said he needs to have,

297
00:17:54.080 --> 00:17:55.640
you're like, I'm not wasting my time.

298
00:17:55.640 --> 00:17:57.800
I'm gonna ask that stuff right up front,

299
00:17:57.800 --> 00:17:58.720
and let it be damned.

300
00:17:58.720 --> 00:18:00.760
If he can't handle it, then he can't handle me.

301
00:18:00.760 --> 00:18:01.600
That's fine.

302
00:18:01.600 --> 00:18:02.880
Y'all can keep doing it that way,

303
00:18:02.880 --> 00:18:04.000
but that got you here.

304
00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:06.680
So we're just asking you to try to do it differently

305
00:18:06.680 --> 00:18:08.040
and just trust the process.

306
00:18:09.320 --> 00:18:11.480
If you have not dated at all,

307
00:18:11.480 --> 00:18:15.440
I'm gonna just encourage you to just be willing to try

308
00:18:15.440 --> 00:18:16.360
and do different things.

309
00:18:16.360 --> 00:18:17.880
So here's some of my tidbits.

310
00:18:17.880 --> 00:18:21.400
So if you are not ready to date at all,

311
00:18:21.400 --> 00:18:22.800
here's some things that you can do

312
00:18:22.800 --> 00:18:26.240
to start practicing being more feminine.

313
00:18:26.240 --> 00:18:28.240
I want you to start ask for help.

314
00:18:28.240 --> 00:18:30.880
If you can almost barely reach for something

315
00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:33.760
and you see a guy nearby, ask him to get it for you.

316
00:18:33.760 --> 00:18:34.840
I don't care if he's married.

317
00:18:34.840 --> 00:18:36.480
I don't care how old he is.

318
00:18:36.480 --> 00:18:39.760
I want you to start practicing asking for help.

319
00:18:39.760 --> 00:18:42.280
So you don't always have to pick the cute guy.

320
00:18:42.280 --> 00:18:44.180
I mean, definitely don't pick the creeper guy

321
00:18:44.180 --> 00:18:45.520
or the homeless guy,

322
00:18:45.520 --> 00:18:47.960
but anybody that looks safe and reasonable,

323
00:18:47.960 --> 00:18:50.800
just say, oh my gosh, hey, can you reach this for me?

324
00:18:50.800 --> 00:18:53.280
Can you open this door for me if your hands are full?

325
00:18:53.280 --> 00:18:54.280
Can you get this for me?

326
00:18:54.280 --> 00:18:56.060
You guys, I go to Planet Fitness now.

327
00:18:56.060 --> 00:19:00.160
I purposely moved from the bougie boutique fitness studio

328
00:19:00.160 --> 00:19:02.160
that I was going to, which only had women.

329
00:19:02.160 --> 00:19:03.480
That wasn't gonna help,

330
00:19:03.480 --> 00:19:07.320
to a cute little gym that has men and women.

331
00:19:07.320 --> 00:19:11.120
And when I have to reach to hook my thing up

332
00:19:11.120 --> 00:19:12.320
for the equipment,

333
00:19:12.320 --> 00:19:14.360
I could stand on the seat and do it myself,

334
00:19:14.360 --> 00:19:15.200
but I don't anymore.

335
00:19:15.880 --> 00:19:16.760
I always ask for a guy to do it.

336
00:19:16.760 --> 00:19:17.800
I'm practicing it.

337
00:19:18.680 --> 00:19:19.880
Smile more.

338
00:19:19.880 --> 00:19:23.200
Don't just walk into every room down on your phone.

339
00:19:23.200 --> 00:19:25.480
Put your phone away and get used

340
00:19:25.480 --> 00:19:27.160
to having to make eye contact.

341
00:19:27.160 --> 00:19:28.800
Like actually walk into a Starbucks

342
00:19:28.800 --> 00:19:30.280
without your phone in your hand.

343
00:19:30.280 --> 00:19:33.400
Put it away and actually smile and greet people

344
00:19:33.400 --> 00:19:36.300
and see what that's like to strike up a conversation.

345
00:19:36.300 --> 00:19:38.400
Wear skirts, wear dresses, wear makeup,

346
00:19:38.400 --> 00:19:41.320
wear heels, wear earrings.

347
00:19:41.320 --> 00:19:43.480
Like be kind of flirty and fun.

348
00:19:43.480 --> 00:19:44.320
You guys look at,

349
00:19:44.320 --> 00:19:45.360
look at those cute little dangly,

350
00:19:45.360 --> 00:19:46.680
they're making noise earrings.

351
00:19:46.680 --> 00:19:48.840
And doesn't it just make my sweats and my hair pulled up

352
00:19:48.840 --> 00:19:49.800
just a little bit cuter?

353
00:19:49.800 --> 00:19:50.640
It does.

354
00:19:51.640 --> 00:19:53.920
Go to new places to shop.

355
00:19:53.920 --> 00:19:55.460
Take golf lessons.

356
00:19:56.400 --> 00:19:59.680
Go to a sports bra, a sports bar, bra.

357
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.680
or during the middle of the day when the football,

358
00:20:02.680 --> 00:20:05.320
the basketball game is on, the hockey game is on,

359
00:20:05.320 --> 00:20:08.560
whatever sport is going on, baseball is going on right now.

360
00:20:08.560 --> 00:20:10.240
Try to put yourself in a position

361
00:20:10.240 --> 00:20:11.280
where you're gonna run into men.

362
00:20:11.280 --> 00:20:12.320
Go to Home Depot.

363
00:20:12.320 --> 00:20:14.080
Y'all, we all need something at Home Depot.

364
00:20:14.080 --> 00:20:16.280
Go to Home Depot, talk to people there.

365
00:20:16.280 --> 00:20:18.640
Just start talking to people.

366
00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:21.720
Okay, this is one's really important, you guys.

367
00:20:21.720 --> 00:20:23.160
And this is especially important

368
00:20:23.160 --> 00:20:25.120
if you guys still have dreams in your life,

369
00:20:25.120 --> 00:20:26.580
which I hope you do.

370
00:20:26.580 --> 00:20:29.680
Live your best life now.

371
00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:32.840
So you guys, and I'm being really transparent with you.

372
00:20:32.840 --> 00:20:34.800
Some of you who've known me longer

373
00:20:34.800 --> 00:20:37.400
have known that up until about a week ago,

374
00:20:37.400 --> 00:20:39.040
I have been in a level three

375
00:20:39.040 --> 00:20:41.060
heading towards marriage relationship

376
00:20:41.060 --> 00:20:44.760
with a guy who on paper was everything that I wanted.

377
00:20:44.760 --> 00:20:47.440
I was vetting him in front of my family and friends.

378
00:20:47.440 --> 00:20:49.900
He was vetting me in front of his.

379
00:20:49.900 --> 00:20:51.500
There were definite yellow flags.

380
00:20:51.500 --> 00:20:54.240
And Jackie says, everybody has yellow flags.

381
00:20:54.240 --> 00:20:55.720
You have yellow flags.

382
00:20:55.720 --> 00:20:57.480
I have yellow flags.

383
00:20:57.480 --> 00:20:59.960
The thing is, though, when you have two healthy people

384
00:20:59.960 --> 00:21:03.320
who are moving towards God together and healthy together,

385
00:21:03.320 --> 00:21:05.120
when you face those yellow flags,

386
00:21:05.120 --> 00:21:07.680
when your yellow flags hit his,

387
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:09.840
old you wants to cut and run.

388
00:21:09.840 --> 00:21:11.800
But healthy you in this program

389
00:21:11.800 --> 00:21:13.040
is gonna kind of work through

390
00:21:13.040 --> 00:21:15.920
and see if there can be growth and breakthrough.

391
00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:18.020
It's that iron sharpening iron.

392
00:21:18.020 --> 00:21:19.980
Iron sharpening iron, you guys, hurts.

393
00:21:19.980 --> 00:21:21.120
There's friction.

394
00:21:21.120 --> 00:21:22.240
It's hard.

395
00:21:22.240 --> 00:21:24.520
And so when our ironing sharpening iron

396
00:21:24.520 --> 00:21:27.080
yellow met yellow flags,

397
00:21:27.720 --> 00:21:29.120
I was starting to get concerned

398
00:21:29.120 --> 00:21:32.440
because what I did not see was a growing spirit.

399
00:21:32.440 --> 00:21:34.840
And actually some of you keep asking about,

400
00:21:34.840 --> 00:21:36.040
well, does he know Jesus?

401
00:21:36.040 --> 00:21:38.200
And I just need to ask if he goes to church.

402
00:21:38.200 --> 00:21:40.640
My guy was going to church twice a week.

403
00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:42.640
He was in two men's groups.

404
00:21:42.640 --> 00:21:44.120
He was in Bible study.

405
00:21:44.120 --> 00:21:45.880
He volunteered Saturday morning,

406
00:21:45.880 --> 00:21:48.600
setting up the chairs and he volunteered on security.

407
00:21:48.600 --> 00:21:51.720
So on paper doing all of the things.

408
00:21:51.720 --> 00:21:54.080
But what became really clear in that last month

409
00:21:54.080 --> 00:21:56.280
was he has such a strong religious spirit.

410
00:21:56.280 --> 00:21:58.720
He had so much harm in his past.

411
00:21:58.720 --> 00:22:00.920
He determined that if he's just started

412
00:22:00.920 --> 00:22:02.200
going to church again,

413
00:22:02.200 --> 00:22:06.440
and he was just a good person doing all the good things,

414
00:22:06.440 --> 00:22:08.260
then nothing bad was gonna happen.

415
00:22:08.260 --> 00:22:09.320
He wouldn't be bad.

416
00:22:09.320 --> 00:22:11.360
He wouldn't be on the receiving end of bad.

417
00:22:11.360 --> 00:22:15.520
And so that put him in a very works based faith.

418
00:22:15.520 --> 00:22:17.480
It's good or bad, right or wrong.

419
00:22:17.480 --> 00:22:19.120
The world is black or white.

420
00:22:19.120 --> 00:22:21.100
Y'all, I sit in grace.

421
00:22:21.100 --> 00:22:22.200
I sit in mercy.

422
00:22:22.200 --> 00:22:23.920
I sit in the gray.

423
00:22:23.920 --> 00:22:25.480
And so I kept saying like,

424
00:22:25.480 --> 00:22:27.480
baby, it's not about you being perfect.

425
00:22:27.480 --> 00:22:30.280
Like this one little thing about you might need tweaking.

426
00:22:30.280 --> 00:22:32.960
That's not cutting you off at the knees.

427
00:22:32.960 --> 00:22:35.360
Like you are using level 10 words

428
00:22:35.360 --> 00:22:37.780
for a level two moment right now.

429
00:22:37.780 --> 00:22:39.520
But he just couldn't get the,

430
00:22:39.520 --> 00:22:41.800
he just thought I'm going to pray my way,

431
00:22:41.800 --> 00:22:45.960
earn my way into a perfect behavior, perfect relationship.

432
00:22:45.960 --> 00:22:46.900
And so you guys,

433
00:22:46.900 --> 00:22:50.440
what became really clear was his inability to grow.

434
00:22:50.440 --> 00:22:52.320
Jackie always says,

435
00:22:52.320 --> 00:22:54.400
you want someone who's willing to grow.

436
00:22:54.400 --> 00:22:57.360
And so the Lord is so good, you guys,

437
00:22:57.360 --> 00:22:59.680
I was starting to have second thoughts.

438
00:22:59.680 --> 00:23:00.920
I was starting to, I'm like, okay,

439
00:23:00.920 --> 00:23:02.800
is that my anxious attachment?

440
00:23:02.800 --> 00:23:05.440
Is that this, you know, am I cutting and running?

441
00:23:05.440 --> 00:23:06.480
Is it my old wounds?

442
00:23:06.480 --> 00:23:08.400
Like I started doing all the things,

443
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:09.800
but I stayed in this community.

444
00:23:09.800 --> 00:23:11.480
I even felt the pressure that, you know,

445
00:23:11.480 --> 00:23:12.460
I'm one of the leaders.

446
00:23:12.460 --> 00:23:15.680
If I break up, what are people going to think about me?

447
00:23:15.680 --> 00:23:16.520
Right?

448
00:23:16.520 --> 00:23:17.960
And so there was a lot of pressure I felt

449
00:23:17.960 --> 00:23:20.240
for me to make this relationship work.

450
00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:22.400
And so the Lord is so good.

451
00:23:22.400 --> 00:23:23.880
I just stayed in it.

452
00:23:24.360 --> 00:23:26.920
I prayed, I knew I was God defended

453
00:23:26.920 --> 00:23:30.120
and I would make statements and I would let them lie.

454
00:23:30.120 --> 00:23:32.760
I didn't run like I could have in the past.

455
00:23:32.760 --> 00:23:34.160
And I also didn't beg for him

456
00:23:34.160 --> 00:23:36.080
like I could have done in the past.

457
00:23:36.080 --> 00:23:37.460
And here's what I also didn't use.

458
00:23:37.460 --> 00:23:41.120
I didn't use sexuality to reel him back in.

459
00:23:41.120 --> 00:23:43.800
And I knew, so one of the things I was very strict on,

460
00:23:43.800 --> 00:23:46.960
and we were both supposedly on the same page about no sex

461
00:23:46.960 --> 00:23:50.920
and really monitoring that behavior.

462
00:23:50.920 --> 00:23:52.360
And I knew, old me knew,

463
00:23:53.040 --> 00:23:54.960
if I used sexuality,

464
00:23:54.960 --> 00:23:56.800
I could have just wooed him a little, right?

465
00:23:56.800 --> 00:23:58.440
We could have just softened him,

466
00:23:58.440 --> 00:23:59.280
tempered him out a little bit.

467
00:23:59.280 --> 00:24:00.640
And I wasn't going to do that.

468
00:24:00.640 --> 00:24:04.240
And I'm so, ladies, you and I are so God defended.

469
00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:07.720
Three outside incidences in a row happened.

470
00:24:07.720 --> 00:24:10.960
It's not my story to tell, but I was like, oh my gosh,

471
00:24:10.960 --> 00:24:14.760
like only Holy Spirit can make these three moments happen

472
00:24:14.760 --> 00:24:18.200
to confirm that what I was seeing and feeling

473
00:24:18.200 --> 00:24:20.320
was in fact legitimate.

474
00:24:20.320 --> 00:24:22.520
And my final conversation, again,

475
00:24:22.520 --> 00:24:23.840
I still wanted to cut and run.

476
00:24:23.840 --> 00:24:24.920
And Jackie was like, nope,

477
00:24:24.920 --> 00:24:26.600
you're going to offer couples counseling.

478
00:24:26.600 --> 00:24:27.760
I will meet with the two of you.

479
00:24:27.760 --> 00:24:30.040
So she offered to meet with the two of us.

480
00:24:30.040 --> 00:24:33.880
And I knew most controlling narcissistic type people

481
00:24:33.880 --> 00:24:35.920
will not meet in couples counseling

482
00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:37.960
because the jig is up, right?

483
00:24:37.960 --> 00:24:42.400
And so I just said, hey, I think we're at an impasse.

484
00:24:42.400 --> 00:24:45.520
And I think we can only move forward

485
00:24:45.520 --> 00:24:46.480
with couples counseling.

486
00:24:46.480 --> 00:24:47.960
Jackie has offered to do that for us.

487
00:24:47.960 --> 00:24:49.240
I think we need to take her up on it.

488
00:24:49.240 --> 00:24:52.240
But if you would rather do somebody local that you pick,

489
00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:54.200
I'm open to that too.

490
00:24:54.200 --> 00:24:56.880
And of course he really couldn't do that, you guys.

491
00:24:56.880 --> 00:24:57.960
And I held my ground.

492
00:24:57.960 --> 00:25:00.160
I kind of put that message out there and I.

493
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.920
It took him three days to respond.

494
00:25:01.920 --> 00:25:05.160
We've never gone three days and not spoken to each other.

495
00:25:05.160 --> 00:25:09.280
And it was just so clear when he replied back to me

496
00:25:09.280 --> 00:25:14.280
that he's just not willing to own his stuff and work on it.

497
00:25:15.840 --> 00:25:17.600
And so all that to say, you guys,

498
00:25:17.600 --> 00:25:19.820
I did nothing wrong in the relationship.

499
00:25:19.820 --> 00:25:21.460
I think he could have been my person.

500
00:25:21.460 --> 00:25:23.600
There were so many prophetic signs

501
00:25:23.600 --> 00:25:25.640
that put the two of us together

502
00:25:25.640 --> 00:25:28.240
that like matched stuff that,

503
00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:30.880
it was just, there's so much that put us together.

504
00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:33.240
And I say all that to say to you guys,

505
00:25:33.240 --> 00:25:35.880
I think I did everything the Lord asked me to do.

506
00:25:35.880 --> 00:25:37.360
I think we had all the makings

507
00:25:37.360 --> 00:25:40.400
of being a healthy, healed, whole couple together.

508
00:25:40.400 --> 00:25:43.920
And at the end of the day, he still had his free will.

509
00:25:43.920 --> 00:25:46.400
So I trust and believe that God

510
00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:49.140
is going to work it out for good.

511
00:25:49.140 --> 00:25:51.200
Does that suck just a little bit

512
00:25:51.200 --> 00:25:52.960
that I'm back here single again?

513
00:25:52.960 --> 00:25:54.260
Sure does.

514
00:25:54.260 --> 00:25:57.600
But so I'm kind of pulling in the comment about

515
00:25:57.960 --> 00:26:00.400
it's not always about you, but also living your best life.

516
00:26:00.400 --> 00:26:01.800
So you might think, well, gosh, Renee,

517
00:26:01.800 --> 00:26:04.360
you've been in this program and you're still single.

518
00:26:04.360 --> 00:26:06.880
So here's what I can tell you has happened for me.

519
00:26:08.160 --> 00:26:11.720
I went through a season after my dad died suddenly.

520
00:26:11.720 --> 00:26:13.760
I processed that grief in a way

521
00:26:13.760 --> 00:26:15.000
that I've never been able to.

522
00:26:15.000 --> 00:26:16.520
It was a complicated relationship.

523
00:26:16.520 --> 00:26:18.360
And through this community,

524
00:26:18.360 --> 00:26:21.280
I received so much healing after the death of my dad.

525
00:26:21.280 --> 00:26:24.760
I walked my mom through her second divorce at 80 years old

526
00:26:24.760 --> 00:26:27.340
and I was able to be present for her.

527
00:26:28.100 --> 00:26:30.940
I published a book and I started seminary school.

528
00:26:30.940 --> 00:26:33.660
And oh, by the way, this year I've now,

529
00:26:33.660 --> 00:26:36.540
in the last 12 months, I've lost 25 pounds.

530
00:26:36.540 --> 00:26:40.620
So I would say I am quote unquote, living my best life.

531
00:26:40.620 --> 00:26:45.540
And my guy is gonna be excited about the thinner Renee,

532
00:26:45.540 --> 00:26:49.680
the seminary Renee, the Renee that's gonna stand her ground.

533
00:26:49.680 --> 00:26:51.540
That's not gonna just marry a guy

534
00:26:51.540 --> 00:26:54.840
just so I can say that I checked that off the list.

535
00:26:55.040 --> 00:26:57.360
And you guys,

536
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:01.960
here's the other thing I will tell you.

537
00:27:01.960 --> 00:27:03.800
It is so much easier to break up with somebody

538
00:27:03.800 --> 00:27:05.200
when you've not had sex.

539
00:27:05.200 --> 00:27:06.480
I've had sex before.

540
00:27:06.480 --> 00:27:09.080
I'm not sitting here like innocent gal here.

541
00:27:09.080 --> 00:27:12.240
And I will say I am far less devastated

542
00:27:12.240 --> 00:27:15.160
because I did not hand my soul to him.

543
00:27:15.160 --> 00:27:16.840
I would be having to do a much bigger

544
00:27:16.840 --> 00:27:19.200
soul tie break with him right now.

545
00:27:19.200 --> 00:27:22.720
And I can also say this, I am so sad about it

546
00:27:22.720 --> 00:27:24.560
and I'm so disappointed,

547
00:27:25.280 --> 00:27:26.200
but my trust in the Holy Spirit

548
00:27:26.200 --> 00:27:28.360
and the peace that surpasses all understanding

549
00:27:28.360 --> 00:27:31.080
is way bigger than anything else.

550
00:27:31.080 --> 00:27:34.360
And I have learned so much from this relationship.

551
00:27:34.360 --> 00:27:35.640
I actually call it a win.

552
00:27:35.640 --> 00:27:38.280
I have dated unhealthy guys in the past, you guys.

553
00:27:38.280 --> 00:27:41.600
I either ignored it and would stay for a year

554
00:27:43.080 --> 00:27:45.720
or I would just become this other person

555
00:27:45.720 --> 00:27:46.960
or I would cut and run.

556
00:27:46.960 --> 00:27:49.880
And I didn't, in either case, I didn't cut and run

557
00:27:49.880 --> 00:27:51.660
and I didn't stay miserable.

558
00:27:51.660 --> 00:27:54.400
Like within three and a half months,

559
00:27:55.240 --> 00:27:56.760
I figured it out and I was true to myself.

560
00:27:56.760 --> 00:28:00.200
And I know what I learned in this relationship,

561
00:28:00.200 --> 00:28:03.160
I will take with me in the next relationship.

562
00:28:03.160 --> 00:28:06.160
The only thing I can say that I did not do well

563
00:28:06.160 --> 00:28:09.120
is I started giving him way too much of my time.

564
00:28:09.120 --> 00:28:11.560
Like he clearly was anxious attachment

565
00:28:11.560 --> 00:28:13.840
and needed a lot of my time.

566
00:28:13.840 --> 00:28:16.920
And I'm in school and I'm busy at church

567
00:28:16.920 --> 00:28:19.840
and I am busy with this job with Jackie.

568
00:28:19.840 --> 00:28:24.200
And he, like even four days a week was not enough time.

569
00:28:24.960 --> 00:28:26.280
And I was starting to feel really guilty about that.

570
00:28:26.280 --> 00:28:27.480
And I won't do that again.

571
00:28:27.480 --> 00:28:28.960
If I start dating somebody again,

572
00:28:28.960 --> 00:28:30.920
and you guys, your time is your time.

573
00:28:30.920 --> 00:28:34.160
Do not get so absorbed in this relationship

574
00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:36.560
that you lose your dreams, that you lose your friends,

575
00:28:36.560 --> 00:28:37.880
that you lose your family.

576
00:28:37.880 --> 00:28:39.000
We're all too old for that.

577
00:28:39.000 --> 00:28:39.820
We know better.

578
00:28:39.820 --> 00:28:41.760
We don't ditch everything else in our life

579
00:28:41.760 --> 00:28:44.280
when we finally start dating somebody.

580
00:28:44.280 --> 00:28:47.760
Okay, let's see, practice the dating levels.

581
00:28:47.760 --> 00:28:50.080
I think I've kind of already spoke into that.

582
00:28:50.080 --> 00:28:53.640
Really make sure that you know how to do level two well.

583
00:28:54.080 --> 00:28:56.120
Make sure you know how to do discovery dating

584
00:28:56.120 --> 00:28:57.980
and enjoy getting to know people

585
00:28:57.980 --> 00:29:00.260
before you lock it down with somebody.

586
00:29:02.000 --> 00:29:03.520
Well, I appreciate that Larissa.

587
00:29:03.520 --> 00:29:06.160
It was really hard for me to,

588
00:29:06.160 --> 00:29:08.320
you guys are like the first group I'm telling that to.

589
00:29:08.320 --> 00:29:11.000
Nobody else knows about it yet.

590
00:29:11.000 --> 00:29:14.280
I mean, if you've come to prayer calls on Monday,

591
00:29:14.280 --> 00:29:17.240
you may have read between the lines

592
00:29:17.240 --> 00:29:18.640
in the last couple of weeks.

593
00:29:19.900 --> 00:29:22.040
But I have not officially talked about it yet.

594
00:29:22.040 --> 00:29:23.880
And I just wanted to be able to do it

595
00:29:23.880 --> 00:29:25.340
from a place of strength.

596
00:29:25.340 --> 00:29:26.540
You guys were the first group

597
00:29:26.540 --> 00:29:28.080
I wanted to be able to share it to

598
00:29:28.080 --> 00:29:30.640
because I feel like we know each other.

599
00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:32.680
Although for some of you poor chaps,

600
00:29:32.680 --> 00:29:36.160
for those of you that are here for the first time, so sorry.

601
00:29:36.160 --> 00:29:37.360
I've spent the last three months

602
00:29:37.360 --> 00:29:38.760
talking about how great he was

603
00:29:38.760 --> 00:29:41.520
and how great it was being in level three.

604
00:29:41.520 --> 00:29:42.360
Woo!

605
00:29:44.760 --> 00:29:47.440
But maybe what you can hear is,

606
00:29:47.440 --> 00:29:51.880
you guys, I don't know why I'm on the journey that I'm on,

607
00:29:52.720 --> 00:29:53.920
but I know my time has not been wasted.

608
00:29:53.920 --> 00:29:55.820
I've done amazing and great things.

609
00:29:55.820 --> 00:29:57.920
And I think here's what I can tell you

610
00:29:57.920 --> 00:29:59.680
after breaking up with him,

611
00:29:59.680 --> 00:30:00.520
although he's-

612
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.120
Thinks he broke up with me, whatever, dude.

613
00:30:05.160 --> 00:30:08.120
I do want to get married.

614
00:30:08.120 --> 00:30:09.640
And I know that I need to get married.

615
00:30:09.640 --> 00:30:11.440
I know for me to fulfill the next part

616
00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:12.480
of what God has for me,

617
00:30:12.480 --> 00:30:14.800
it will be in a marriage relationship.

618
00:30:14.800 --> 00:30:17.360
But I also can tell you for the first time in my life,

619
00:30:17.360 --> 00:30:19.320
I'm also okay.

620
00:30:19.320 --> 00:30:20.680
I want to get married.

621
00:30:20.680 --> 00:30:23.860
I need to get married, but I'm also okay.

622
00:30:23.860 --> 00:30:27.440
Like, I know I'm still strong, smart, beautiful,

623
00:30:27.480 --> 00:30:32.000
outgoing, friendly, flawed, imperfect, all of that.

624
00:30:33.480 --> 00:30:35.780
And I don't know that I can honestly say

625
00:30:35.780 --> 00:30:38.020
that I have actually felt that strength.

626
00:30:38.020 --> 00:30:40.660
It's not a content, like, okay, I'm fine being single.

627
00:30:40.660 --> 00:30:42.060
In fact, I wrote about it in my book.

628
00:30:42.060 --> 00:30:43.680
I'm not content, uh-uh.

629
00:30:43.680 --> 00:30:46.480
Like, I actually think that shows that I'm more faithful,

630
00:30:46.480 --> 00:30:48.740
that I'm sitting here in my singleness,

631
00:30:48.740 --> 00:30:50.560
not quite content about it,

632
00:30:50.560 --> 00:30:52.260
but still choosing to trust God

633
00:30:52.260 --> 00:30:54.400
and go after and live this life to its fullest.

634
00:30:54.400 --> 00:30:57.380
So that's what I'm hoping you guys do

635
00:30:58.220 --> 00:31:00.020
while you're in phase two and phase three,

636
00:31:00.020 --> 00:31:01.940
for however long it lasts.

637
00:31:01.940 --> 00:31:05.380
I hope that you live your best life,

638
00:31:05.380 --> 00:31:09.300
that you celebrate your wins, you learn from your losses,

639
00:31:09.300 --> 00:31:12.500
you learn from your mistakes, you don't beat yourself up.

640
00:31:12.500 --> 00:31:14.300
You like, don't look through the,

641
00:31:14.300 --> 00:31:17.180
the rear view mirror is small for a reason.

642
00:31:17.180 --> 00:31:20.820
I want to make sure that your view is out the front window.

643
00:31:20.820 --> 00:31:23.340
Okay, so now it is time for us,

644
00:31:23.340 --> 00:31:25.020
for you guys to open it up

645
00:31:25.020 --> 00:31:26.460
and start asking me your questions.

646
00:31:26.460 --> 00:31:29.100
I do more teaching while you guys are asking questions,

647
00:31:29.100 --> 00:31:30.400
but it's the bottom of the hour

648
00:31:30.400 --> 00:31:33.060
and it's the time I cut myself off from talking

649
00:31:33.060 --> 00:31:35.420
so that y'all get to ask your questions.

650
00:31:35.420 --> 00:31:39.740
So let me start plowing through here to make sure.

651
00:31:43.940 --> 00:31:45.740
Carrie, all right, so I'm gonna,

652
00:31:45.740 --> 00:31:47.380
while you guys are getting ready to start raising,

653
00:31:47.380 --> 00:31:48.620
raise your avatar hand

654
00:31:48.620 --> 00:31:50.300
if you are ready to ask me a question.

655
00:31:50.300 --> 00:31:52.940
It can be anything that I just talked about,

656
00:31:52.940 --> 00:31:54.820
anything about the videos,

657
00:31:54.820 --> 00:31:55.900
anything that you want to know.

658
00:31:56.300 --> 00:31:58.460
If you have a dating scenario you want me to help you with,

659
00:31:58.460 --> 00:31:59.900
we will help you with it.

660
00:31:59.900 --> 00:32:01.660
So you guys start raising your hands

661
00:32:01.660 --> 00:32:04.220
and it goes up in the order that you raised your hand,

662
00:32:04.220 --> 00:32:06.420
but I'm gonna answer some of these quick questions here.

663
00:32:06.420 --> 00:32:08.940
Carrie said, I feel like a month is gonna be up

664
00:32:08.940 --> 00:32:09.780
and I only have one date.

665
00:32:09.780 --> 00:32:11.480
Do we need to leave at four weeks?

666
00:32:12.440 --> 00:32:14.380
You don't need to leave right at four weeks.

667
00:32:14.380 --> 00:32:16.180
You can stay a little bit longer than that,

668
00:32:16.180 --> 00:32:18.500
but if it's eight weeks, I might have to kick you out.

669
00:32:18.500 --> 00:32:21.640
I don't like to kick you out, but I gotta go fly bird fly.

670
00:32:22.780 --> 00:32:25.420
And here's the thing, you guys, in phase three,

671
00:32:25.420 --> 00:32:27.660
you don't have the weekly coaching like this,

672
00:32:27.660 --> 00:32:30.300
but there's so much content and there's a lot of people

673
00:32:30.300 --> 00:32:32.260
and it's a lot of fun too.

674
00:32:32.260 --> 00:32:34.380
So phase three is a great place to be.

675
00:32:34.380 --> 00:32:37.320
So if you're not ready at the end of four weeks, that's okay.

676
00:32:37.320 --> 00:32:39.300
But if it's like seven or eight weeks in,

677
00:32:39.300 --> 00:32:40.720
I might start nudging you.

678
00:32:44.500 --> 00:32:47.100
Alice just got emailed

679
00:32:47.100 --> 00:32:48.660
that I've been granted access to phase three,

680
00:32:48.660 --> 00:32:50.640
yet to look into it, no date yet.

681
00:32:50.640 --> 00:32:52.020
Alice, totally up to you, girl.

682
00:32:52.020 --> 00:32:54.340
Again, if it's been only four weeks

683
00:32:54.340 --> 00:32:55.580
and you've watched that last video,

684
00:32:55.580 --> 00:32:57.140
you don't need to go anywhere.

685
00:32:57.140 --> 00:32:59.780
If it's two months in, I might need to have a chat with you.

686
00:32:59.780 --> 00:33:01.140
Because here's the thing, you guys,

687
00:33:01.140 --> 00:33:04.220
everybody in phase three are at all different places.

688
00:33:04.220 --> 00:33:06.340
There's like a thousand women over there.

689
00:33:06.340 --> 00:33:08.340
Some of them are in serious relationships.

690
00:33:08.340 --> 00:33:10.500
Some of them just got broken up with.

691
00:33:10.500 --> 00:33:12.320
Some of them are taking a dating break

692
00:33:12.320 --> 00:33:14.740
because they're trying to get some stuff done with school

693
00:33:14.740 --> 00:33:15.900
or their family.

694
00:33:15.900 --> 00:33:17.460
So just because they're in phase three

695
00:33:17.460 --> 00:33:19.620
does not mean they're all in dating relationships.

696
00:33:19.620 --> 00:33:22.300
There's plenty of single people like me.

697
00:33:22.300 --> 00:33:25.220
You guys, I'm gonna take the summer off of online dating.

698
00:33:25.220 --> 00:33:30.220
I'm gonna focus on school, losing my last five pounds.

699
00:33:30.300 --> 00:33:32.340
I need a little bit more coaching work.

700
00:33:34.100 --> 00:33:37.140
And there's just a few things that I have

701
00:33:37.140 --> 00:33:38.100
on my summer goal list.

702
00:33:38.100 --> 00:33:40.260
So I have two girlfriends that are single actually

703
00:33:40.260 --> 00:33:42.180
in this program, in phase three.

704
00:33:42.180 --> 00:33:45.540
And we just decided that we are gonna pick something live

705
00:33:45.540 --> 00:33:47.940
and in public to do every single weekend.

706
00:33:47.940 --> 00:33:49.260
One thing to do every single weekend

707
00:33:49.260 --> 00:33:50.620
through this entire summer.

708
00:33:50.620 --> 00:33:52.100
Cause right now I don't have the grace.

709
00:33:52.100 --> 00:33:52.940
Jackie always says,

710
00:33:52.940 --> 00:33:54.900
if you don't have the grace for something, don't do it.

711
00:33:54.900 --> 00:33:57.020
So right now I don't have the grace for online dating.

712
00:33:57.020 --> 00:33:59.020
I've dated hundreds of guys online

713
00:33:59.020 --> 00:34:00.780
and I definitely support it.

714
00:34:00.780 --> 00:34:02.100
That's how I met, you know,

715
00:34:02.100 --> 00:34:05.200
some of the most successful relationships I had.

716
00:34:05.200 --> 00:34:07.220
I just don't have the time or the grace for it,

717
00:34:07.220 --> 00:34:09.580
but I am gonna be committed to getting out there

718
00:34:09.580 --> 00:34:11.060
and living my full best life.

719
00:34:11.060 --> 00:34:12.900
And hopefully I will get dates

720
00:34:12.900 --> 00:34:14.179
from being out in the real world.

721
00:34:14.179 --> 00:34:16.719
And maybe by Labor Day, I might change my mind about that,

722
00:34:16.719 --> 00:34:18.420
but I'm giving myself some grace.

723
00:34:21.260 --> 00:34:22.100
Okay.

724
00:34:23.380 --> 00:34:26.659
Okay, got my first online date this Friday.

725
00:34:26.659 --> 00:34:29.780
What do I talk about for two hours again?

726
00:34:29.780 --> 00:34:30.659
I don't wanna go deep.

727
00:34:30.659 --> 00:34:32.580
Well, first of all, if it's only an online date,

728
00:34:32.580 --> 00:34:35.179
don't make it two hours, just make it an hour.

729
00:34:35.179 --> 00:34:36.020
It's hard.

730
00:34:37.260 --> 00:34:39.060
Cindy, are you laughing at me?

731
00:34:39.060 --> 00:34:40.420
It's in person.

732
00:34:40.420 --> 00:34:42.340
He's from online, but it's in person.

733
00:34:42.340 --> 00:34:43.860
Oh, oh, oh, it's in person.

734
00:34:43.860 --> 00:34:45.179
Okay, okay.

735
00:34:45.179 --> 00:34:48.260
It says, oh, it says got my first online date this Friday.

736
00:34:48.260 --> 00:34:49.179
What do I talk about?

737
00:34:49.179 --> 00:34:52.340
So it's not, it's in person, it's not online.

738
00:34:52.340 --> 00:34:54.179
We had our video date yesterday.

739
00:34:54.179 --> 00:34:55.020
We're having a-

740
00:34:55.020 --> 00:34:56.139
Okay, okay, gotcha.

741
00:34:56.139 --> 00:34:57.860
What do I talk about for two hours?

742
00:34:57.860 --> 00:35:00.020
Well, the best way to make sure you don't.

743
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.040
too much talking is pick something to go do.

744
00:35:03.040 --> 00:35:05.960
Go for a walk, play a board game, grab a Frisbee,

745
00:35:05.960 --> 00:35:10.960
go do putt-putt golf, go bowling, go play archery,

746
00:35:11.000 --> 00:35:14.360
go to one of those stupid like game rooms

747
00:35:14.360 --> 00:35:17.000
where it's like you can do foosball,

748
00:35:17.000 --> 00:35:20.480
you can do pool, like pick an activity to do.

749
00:35:20.480 --> 00:35:22.100
That's how you make sure

750
00:35:22.100 --> 00:35:24.360
that you don't talk about too much.

751
00:35:24.360 --> 00:35:25.680
If you have a cute little town,

752
00:35:25.680 --> 00:35:27.880
grab coffees and go walk through that town

753
00:35:27.880 --> 00:35:29.720
and put some steps on.

754
00:35:29.720 --> 00:35:33.600
So that's how you make sure that you don't talk too much.

755
00:35:35.600 --> 00:35:38.160
And also, let me grab this for you guys too to see.

756
00:35:38.160 --> 00:35:39.800
You guys can order this online.

757
00:35:39.800 --> 00:35:41.760
I'm sure Amazon has it.

758
00:35:41.760 --> 00:35:43.880
I know other people have gotten it.

759
00:35:43.880 --> 00:35:45.940
It's called Table Topics.

760
00:35:47.000 --> 00:35:47.880
And there's, I don't know,

761
00:35:47.880 --> 00:35:49.800
there might be like, look at how many questions.

762
00:35:49.800 --> 00:35:51.760
There's a buttload of questions in here.

763
00:35:51.760 --> 00:35:54.060
And go through and like pick some fun questions

764
00:35:54.060 --> 00:35:55.260
to ask about.

765
00:35:55.260 --> 00:35:57.300
Like, and just say, hey, like we're gonna do

766
00:35:57.300 --> 00:35:59.040
a bunch of fun questions.

767
00:35:59.080 --> 00:36:00.760
And I'll answer them and you can answer them.

768
00:36:00.760 --> 00:36:02.400
And some of the questions are like,

769
00:36:02.400 --> 00:36:04.280
you know, if you're about to go to a potluck,

770
00:36:04.280 --> 00:36:07.120
what's the signature dish that you're gonna bring?

771
00:36:07.120 --> 00:36:09.520
If you had a superpower, what would it be?

772
00:36:09.520 --> 00:36:12.320
What would you tell your 18 year old self?

773
00:36:12.320 --> 00:36:14.720
So there's some really cool questions

774
00:36:14.720 --> 00:36:16.680
that are kind of thought provoking,

775
00:36:16.680 --> 00:36:21.160
but they don't have to be super personal in their answer.

776
00:36:22.840 --> 00:36:25.940
So that's what I would suggest.

777
00:36:25.940 --> 00:36:28.360
Do activities have this kind of stuff?

778
00:36:28.360 --> 00:36:30.920
Have a board game ready to go?

779
00:36:30.920 --> 00:36:33.320
Yeah, so I guess the part on,

780
00:36:33.320 --> 00:36:35.240
he already set up dinner at a place,

781
00:36:35.240 --> 00:36:37.480
Italian place in his home.

782
00:36:37.480 --> 00:36:40.000
And so that, unless that's.

783
00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:41.200
And you need to do this girl,

784
00:36:41.200 --> 00:36:43.040
you need to bring some fun questions.

785
00:36:44.480 --> 00:36:46.760
So you can Google, if you can't get this in time,

786
00:36:46.760 --> 00:36:48.800
Google icebreaker questions,

787
00:36:48.800 --> 00:36:51.440
put in your thing icebreaker questions.

788
00:36:51.440 --> 00:36:53.640
And just start to have some fun questions.

789
00:36:53.640 --> 00:36:55.800
Talk about your dreams, talk about your hopes.

790
00:36:55.800 --> 00:36:59.200
So here's how you guys stay not too deep.

791
00:36:59.200 --> 00:37:02.880
Stay in the present, talk about the present

792
00:37:02.880 --> 00:37:04.360
and talk about your future.

793
00:37:04.360 --> 00:37:06.120
Like things that you still wanna do.

794
00:37:06.120 --> 00:37:09.240
Whenever you start talking about the past,

795
00:37:09.240 --> 00:37:11.440
that's when you talk about too much.

796
00:37:11.440 --> 00:37:14.220
So stay in the present.

797
00:37:14.220 --> 00:37:16.000
Like, oh, what movies do you guys like?

798
00:37:16.000 --> 00:37:17.100
Or what do you like to read?

799
00:37:17.100 --> 00:37:19.120
What music are you listening to?

800
00:37:19.120 --> 00:37:21.400
Like, are you following any sports right now?

801
00:37:21.400 --> 00:37:23.600
Like just try to do it.

802
00:37:23.600 --> 00:37:25.720
All right, I'm gonna take a break from looking at the feed

803
00:37:26.440 --> 00:37:27.280
so we've got some hands up.

804
00:37:27.280 --> 00:37:28.640
Elizabeth, you're in my first corner.

805
00:37:28.640 --> 00:37:30.520
Go for it girl.

806
00:37:30.520 --> 00:37:31.880
Hi there.

807
00:37:31.880 --> 00:37:36.200
My question is, I've done online dating in the past

808
00:37:36.200 --> 00:37:39.560
and I didn't like have any horrible experiences.

809
00:37:39.560 --> 00:37:41.600
I wouldn't say it was overly positive

810
00:37:41.600 --> 00:37:44.080
and just like feeling super excited

811
00:37:44.080 --> 00:37:46.000
about the guys I was going out with.

812
00:37:47.360 --> 00:37:51.240
So I'm wanting to be in the right headspace about it

813
00:37:51.240 --> 00:37:53.880
or I know it's not gonna be a great thing.

814
00:37:54.320 --> 00:37:58.400
And today I was gonna be set up with a guy

815
00:37:58.400 --> 00:38:00.080
I was super excited about.

816
00:38:00.080 --> 00:38:02.760
And then he kind of, I guess that he wasn't interested

817
00:38:02.760 --> 00:38:04.720
in being set up, not anything personal,

818
00:38:04.720 --> 00:38:07.780
but he just wasn't ready and that's fine.

819
00:38:08.720 --> 00:38:10.360
It just took me a few rungs back

820
00:38:10.360 --> 00:38:11.960
in like some of my confidence

821
00:38:11.960 --> 00:38:14.200
or feeling excited about dating.

822
00:38:14.200 --> 00:38:16.480
And even though it was totally not personal

823
00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:20.560
and I was just kind of so excited going into phase two.

824
00:38:20.560 --> 00:38:22.520
This is my first meeting in phase two.

825
00:38:22.560 --> 00:38:25.920
And it's just, I don't know if that makes sense, but.

826
00:38:25.920 --> 00:38:27.240
Well, I will say this, Elizabeth,

827
00:38:27.240 --> 00:38:30.720
it's really normal when you first get to phase two

828
00:38:30.720 --> 00:38:33.440
to feel both and about it,

829
00:38:33.440 --> 00:38:36.380
excited and not so excited about it.

830
00:38:36.380 --> 00:38:40.300
So here's what we like to say about online dating.

831
00:38:41.200 --> 00:38:43.720
Online dating is just one tool

832
00:38:43.720 --> 00:38:47.940
to start practicing your dating skills very quickly.

833
00:38:47.940 --> 00:38:51.660
It's starting to learn how to not overshare during texting,

834
00:38:51.700 --> 00:38:55.260
how to pace yourself to get from texting to a first date

835
00:38:55.260 --> 00:38:58.620
or first video from a first video to a date.

836
00:38:58.620 --> 00:39:00.580
And so that's what online dating is for you guys.

837
00:39:00.580 --> 00:39:02.260
No one hated online dating more than me.

838
00:39:02.260 --> 00:39:03.100
Y'all know that, right?

839
00:39:03.100 --> 00:39:04.620
I hated it, hated it.

840
00:39:04.620 --> 00:39:07.100
I'm so old that I was online dating

841
00:39:07.100 --> 00:39:09.620
back when there was no swiping,

842
00:39:09.620 --> 00:39:11.620
back when people would lie about online dating

843
00:39:11.620 --> 00:39:13.940
and I've had good and bad experiences with it.

844
00:39:13.940 --> 00:39:16.840
I will say this though, after the heartwork

845
00:39:16.840 --> 00:39:18.800
and not thinking about online dating

846
00:39:18.800 --> 00:39:21.340
as anything more than a way to discover

847
00:39:22.020 --> 00:39:23.460
more about me and to meet men

848
00:39:23.460 --> 00:39:25.620
and just learn more about them,

849
00:39:25.620 --> 00:39:28.280
the less I was worried if they ghosted me.

850
00:39:28.280 --> 00:39:30.100
If I got scammers, I didn't care.

851
00:39:30.100 --> 00:39:32.800
Like I found scammers, I found them out really fast.

852
00:39:32.800 --> 00:39:35.700
I just didn't focus on it.

853
00:39:35.700 --> 00:39:38.180
But I spent three months where I literally

854
00:39:38.180 --> 00:39:40.540
had a different live date every single weekend

855
00:39:40.540 --> 00:39:42.460
and I rotated the same two restaurants.

856
00:39:42.460 --> 00:39:45.220
I just went back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

857
00:39:45.220 --> 00:39:46.800
And I learned so much about me.

858
00:39:46.800 --> 00:39:50.820
So Elizabeth, if you're willing to do the online thing,

859
00:39:51.340 --> 00:39:52.740
try to have this attitude of, you know what?

860
00:39:52.740 --> 00:39:54.900
I'm just, it's almost like the internet.

861
00:39:54.900 --> 00:39:57.480
Like if you're, you guys may not be old enough,

862
00:39:57.480 --> 00:40:00.180
but a lot of companies who only created an online.

863
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.920
presence, but didn't have a great product. They use the internet incorrectly. The internet is

864
00:40:05.920 --> 00:40:12.800
just one tool with which to sell your product, right? It wasn't the product. And so online is

865
00:40:12.800 --> 00:40:18.640
not the product. It's just one tool for you to get to meet people and start practicing all the

866
00:40:18.640 --> 00:40:23.920
skills that you learned. If you don't have the grace for it, you are going to have to be more

867
00:40:23.920 --> 00:40:30.640
creative about dating and meeting guys. Ways to do that is look in your local community, type in

868
00:40:30.640 --> 00:40:37.280
single events, single meetup groups. They have hiking groups. They have beach volleyball groups.

869
00:40:37.280 --> 00:40:44.720
They have pickleball groups. They have adventure walks. There always is something going on. I

870
00:40:44.720 --> 00:40:51.440
promise you if you Google in your city, single event meetup groups. Eventbrite usually has a lot.

871
00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:58.560
There's a place called meetup.com. They offer that. There's like, I want to say in Nashville,

872
00:40:58.560 --> 00:41:03.040
there's another place called Adventures and something, and they have that in different cities.

873
00:41:04.160 --> 00:41:08.880
There are also different, so there's, and then also volunteer. Find out from your local

874
00:41:10.240 --> 00:41:14.800
nonprofit bank, the different volunteer opportunities, ways to meet men,

875
00:41:14.800 --> 00:41:19.440
feeding the homeless, Habitat for Humanity projects, anything that's going to bring the

876
00:41:19.440 --> 00:41:26.720
dudes out, raking, mowing the lawn, cleaning up the leaves, anything that's going to get guys

877
00:41:26.720 --> 00:41:31.440
like being manly. That's where you're going to find potential male volunteers. Of course,

878
00:41:31.440 --> 00:41:37.840
pick a nonprofit that you would actually care about too. You could have to do that.

879
00:41:38.880 --> 00:41:42.800
You can also take golf lessons that will put you in front of other people.

880
00:41:43.520 --> 00:41:50.800
Take lessons, go work out at the local rec center where it's going to put you in front of other

881
00:41:50.800 --> 00:41:58.880
people. Elizabeth, hopefully one of those ways will motivate you enough to get back out there

882
00:41:59.440 --> 00:42:05.440
and just try it out and just try to have fun. You guys, it's summer. There are summer concert

883
00:42:05.440 --> 00:42:11.120
series going on in your town. There's summer craft things going on, art things going on.

884
00:42:11.760 --> 00:42:15.840
The craft and art, you might only find gay men or married men. That might not be the best option,

885
00:42:15.840 --> 00:42:20.560
but you might. You might find a little bit of a metrosexual guy willing to go out and get some

886
00:42:20.560 --> 00:42:27.040
good art, but our town always has some festivals going on. Strawberry picking, it sounds silly,

887
00:42:27.040 --> 00:42:33.680
but go to your local farmer's market. Oh my gosh, there's always single people at the local

888
00:42:33.680 --> 00:42:38.880
farmer's market. Go every single weekend. Elizabeth, I'm hoping some of these ideas

889
00:42:38.880 --> 00:42:44.640
will kind of help motivate you. And again, I've had a lot of friends say, oh my gosh,

890
00:42:44.640 --> 00:42:48.880
I have this guy. I'm going to give you his number or whatever. I said, give him my number,

891
00:42:48.880 --> 00:42:53.280
give him my picture, and it just kind of never panned out. And I could get upset about it,

892
00:42:54.000 --> 00:43:00.240
but Elizabeth, you're probably amazing. And again, if he's deciding just on your looks alone,

893
00:43:00.240 --> 00:43:04.720
he's not your guy, or if he's just on the right headspace, he's not your guy. And so

894
00:43:05.360 --> 00:43:10.640
kind of dust yourself off. And it is okay to be disappointed and have hope. Like my book, it says,

895
00:43:10.640 --> 00:43:14.560
all you need is a mustard seed between hope and despair. So I'm one of these people that believes

896
00:43:14.560 --> 00:43:21.120
you can hold hope and despair in one of each hand. And so you can have sadness and despair over here

897
00:43:21.120 --> 00:43:26.960
while you hold on to hope. And I think combined, hope wins because hope is from God. And so it's

898
00:43:26.960 --> 00:43:30.560
bigger than your despair and it will help propel you forward. I don't know if that helped you at

899
00:43:30.560 --> 00:43:36.000
all, but I hope it does. Thank you so much. Appreciate it. Stephanie, and keep coming back,

900
00:43:36.000 --> 00:43:43.360
girl. Keep coming back. Stephanie, you're up. Okay. So I've just watched the first video,

901
00:43:43.360 --> 00:43:52.320
so you may address this later on. And I also watched some of the old phase two check-ins,

902
00:43:52.320 --> 00:43:58.320
and I know you talk about learning to make eye contact and smile at strangers and talk to

903
00:43:58.320 --> 00:44:05.040
strangers, which I'm practicing. And I know part of the point is to like come out of hiding and

904
00:44:05.040 --> 00:44:11.680
just get comfortable with that. But I'm noticing when I'm trying to practice, like this fear comes

905
00:44:11.680 --> 00:44:18.000
up of like, oh my gosh, but what if they ask me out or what if they... And so I'm like, what do I do?

906
00:44:18.880 --> 00:44:25.520
What if they do, Stephanie? I know. Because on one hand, I'm like, well, what if it's a total stranger?

907
00:44:26.480 --> 00:44:33.600
So, okay. So let's walk through all the options. So say it's a total stranger and he's like, hey,

908
00:44:34.960 --> 00:44:38.720
would you like to go out for some time? And just say, oh my gosh, that's really kind of you.

909
00:44:40.800 --> 00:44:47.120
Why don't we meet up here next Saturday? Or you know what? There's a great coffee shop in town.

910
00:44:47.120 --> 00:44:52.560
Why don't we meet up? So I wouldn't even exchange. And at that point, we'll say you kind of met him

911
00:44:52.560 --> 00:44:56.560
in person. So he might need your number for confirmation. This is where I don't freak out

912
00:44:56.560 --> 00:44:59.840
about my phone number. You guys, I can always block people later.

913
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.480
So you can just say, you know, you can just say, Hey, I'd love to get to know you too.

914
00:45:03.480 --> 00:45:07.880
Why don't we meet up in a few days or whatever and have coffee?

915
00:45:07.880 --> 00:45:12.640
And so try to keep it, I always try to keep those kind of early, early dates.

916
00:45:12.640 --> 00:45:19.600
If somebody suggests a meetup for me or somebody kind of a stranger kind of approaches me,

917
00:45:19.600 --> 00:45:22.320
I will always suggest something during the day.

918
00:45:22.320 --> 00:45:26.000
I feel like that soft sells it a little bit.

919
00:45:26.000 --> 00:45:30.760
And so, and so, and here's the thing you don't need to know, and you can like, but

920
00:45:30.760 --> 00:45:31.760
I will say this too.

921
00:45:31.760 --> 00:45:35.240
If you exchange phone numbers, don't start vomiting too much on text.

922
00:45:35.240 --> 00:45:40.320
Like let that first visit, you can find out a little bit of information or, or if you

923
00:45:40.320 --> 00:45:43.040
don't feel comfortable making that date right away, cause you're like, okay, dude, I don't

924
00:45:43.040 --> 00:45:44.240
even know who you are yet.

925
00:45:44.240 --> 00:45:45.240
Just say, you know what?

926
00:45:45.240 --> 00:45:46.600
Do you have a couple of minutes?

927
00:45:46.600 --> 00:45:48.940
Let's just keep talking for a little bit.

928
00:45:48.940 --> 00:45:49.940
Or you know what?

929
00:45:49.940 --> 00:45:50.940
I, you know what?

930
00:45:50.940 --> 00:45:51.940
Hey, here's my number.

931
00:45:51.940 --> 00:45:55.860
We can go ahead and text later tonight or tomorrow, and we can kind of learn a little

932
00:45:55.860 --> 00:46:00.940
bit more about each other and decide if, you know, we want to see each other again.

933
00:46:00.940 --> 00:46:03.460
So those are the ways that you can make that choice.

934
00:46:03.460 --> 00:46:11.660
You're not saying a hard yes, you're not saying a hard no, um, or, or if you're really creeped

935
00:46:11.660 --> 00:46:15.540
out and you're like, everything is screaming hell to the no.

936
00:46:15.540 --> 00:46:17.540
You could just be like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.

937
00:46:17.540 --> 00:46:19.640
I did not mean to mislead you.

938
00:46:19.640 --> 00:46:21.260
Like I'm actually in a relationship.

939
00:46:21.260 --> 00:46:24.780
I was really just being friendly, but golly, that was such a compliment.

940
00:46:24.780 --> 00:46:26.100
Thank you so much.

941
00:46:26.100 --> 00:46:27.100
Okay.

942
00:46:27.100 --> 00:46:30.260
That's your way out if you need a way out.

943
00:46:30.260 --> 00:46:31.260
Okay.

944
00:46:31.260 --> 00:46:32.260
I have, I've got a ring.

945
00:46:32.260 --> 00:46:33.260
Oh my gosh.

946
00:46:33.260 --> 00:46:34.260
My rings aren't on my hand.

947
00:46:34.260 --> 00:46:38.580
I always have a ring on my, my other finger cause I've learned to take it off my ring

948
00:46:38.580 --> 00:46:39.580
finger.

949
00:46:39.580 --> 00:46:41.740
Cause I'm like, okay, Renee, you don't want to look married.

950
00:46:41.740 --> 00:46:46.700
So I have somehow managed to slip that ring onto my ring finger and go like, oh my gosh,

951
00:46:46.700 --> 00:46:47.700
I'm so sorry.

952
00:46:47.700 --> 00:46:48.700
I'm engaged.

953
00:46:48.700 --> 00:46:53.220
So if I was flirting big time, then I might just be like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.

954
00:46:53.220 --> 00:46:55.220
I was probably totally flirting with you.

955
00:46:55.220 --> 00:46:59.500
I just, you just seemed like a really friendly person and I'm dating somebody.

956
00:46:59.500 --> 00:47:01.220
He'd probably kick my butt right now.

957
00:47:01.220 --> 00:47:04.860
Like, like that's how you could say, depending on how flirty you were getting in the whole

958
00:47:04.860 --> 00:47:05.860
process.

959
00:47:05.860 --> 00:47:06.860
Okay.

960
00:47:06.860 --> 00:47:07.860
Thank you.

961
00:47:07.860 --> 00:47:13.340
Does that help kind of ease the like pressure that you're not strapped into a yes.

962
00:47:13.340 --> 00:47:14.340
Yeah.

963
00:47:14.340 --> 00:47:15.340
You bet.

964
00:47:16.340 --> 00:47:26.740
Yeah, I just, um, I had a couple of phone calls, um, let's see this weekend, Sunday

965
00:47:26.740 --> 00:47:34.060
and, um, both men were very nice and, uh, one guy, I don't think, I don't think either

966
00:47:34.060 --> 00:47:35.580
one of them may work out.

967
00:47:35.580 --> 00:47:41.580
I don't know them well enough, but I'm just wondering, should I, uh, invite them for like

968
00:47:41.580 --> 00:47:46.700
a video day, even though I don't think that have you already had, have you already had

969
00:47:46.700 --> 00:47:47.700
the first date with them?

970
00:47:47.700 --> 00:47:50.540
You said, no, no, I just had a phone call with each of them.

971
00:47:50.540 --> 00:47:52.420
I talked to both of them on Sunday.

972
00:47:52.420 --> 00:47:53.420
Okay.

973
00:47:53.420 --> 00:47:59.180
So if you had phone calls with them, did you want to talk to them again?

974
00:47:59.180 --> 00:48:06.220
Um, I'm not, well, one, I, I don't think so though we're communicating by text.

975
00:48:06.220 --> 00:48:11.820
The other one, um, I'm not sure if I should, because, um, I don't, he just came over from

976
00:48:11.820 --> 00:48:13.500
Kenya like a year ago.

977
00:48:13.500 --> 00:48:19.180
So I don't know if we have enough in common to really go further, but here's the pathway

978
00:48:19.180 --> 00:48:24.220
Jackie encourages us to go when we're, how much do we initiate drop the hanky?

979
00:48:24.220 --> 00:48:26.380
How much do we let them initiate?

980
00:48:26.380 --> 00:48:28.820
She always says you guys can make the first move.

981
00:48:28.820 --> 00:48:30.660
You can drop the hanky.

982
00:48:30.660 --> 00:48:35.380
So if you're talking to a guy, whatever, you're like, gosh, this guy at church or like what

983
00:48:35.540 --> 00:48:36.660
Stephanie was just talking about.

984
00:48:36.660 --> 00:48:42.340
If I'm talking to a guy now and I'm like, Hmm, I might say to him, you know what?

985
00:48:42.340 --> 00:48:43.980
I may be way off base.

986
00:48:43.980 --> 00:48:48.300
You may have a girlfriend or a wife, but if you don't and you're remotely interested in

987
00:48:48.300 --> 00:48:50.040
getting to know me, here's my number.

988
00:48:50.040 --> 00:48:51.040
Feel free to call me.

989
00:48:51.040 --> 00:48:52.540
And if not, I'm, it's totally okay.

990
00:48:52.540 --> 00:48:54.660
It was just really nice chatting with you.

991
00:48:54.660 --> 00:48:56.020
That's dropping the hanky.

992
00:48:56.020 --> 00:49:00.660
That's like putting it out there, but giving them a way to get out and then you kind of

993
00:49:00.660 --> 00:49:01.660
let them take the lead.

994
00:49:01.660 --> 00:49:03.820
So you guys have already had the phone call.

995
00:49:03.820 --> 00:49:08.900
So when, when you have a phone call and a date and you think you might want to talk

996
00:49:08.900 --> 00:49:15.260
to them again, it is okay at the end of the phone call or the date or when you get home

997
00:49:15.260 --> 00:49:20.180
or the next day to say, Hey, I really enjoy talking to you.

998
00:49:20.180 --> 00:49:24.780
I would love to see you again sometime if that's something you would be interested to

999
00:49:24.780 --> 00:49:27.220
continue to get to know you.

1000
00:49:27.220 --> 00:49:28.220
Okay.

1001
00:49:28.220 --> 00:49:29.820
If not, that's totally okay.

1002
00:49:29.820 --> 00:49:31.780
I just wanted to put that out there.

1003
00:49:31.780 --> 00:49:37.620
So because believe it or not, the men have no idea if we want to see them again because

1004
00:49:37.620 --> 00:49:38.620
they're so confused.

1005
00:49:38.620 --> 00:49:40.180
They're like, I don't know.

1006
00:49:40.180 --> 00:49:41.180
She did.

1007
00:49:41.180 --> 00:49:42.180
She did.

1008
00:49:42.180 --> 00:49:44.020
And so she tells us to be really direct.

1009
00:49:44.020 --> 00:49:48.980
That's not booking the next phone call or the next date though, but it is letting them

1010
00:49:48.980 --> 00:49:49.980
know where you stand.

1011
00:49:49.980 --> 00:49:51.700
Like, I really enjoyed getting to know you.

1012
00:49:51.700 --> 00:49:55.580
I don't know where you're at with it, but if you do want to talk to me again, I just

1013
00:49:55.580 --> 00:49:59.980
wanted you to know that I'm really open to that and then you can go.

1014
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.400
or you get off the phone,

1015
00:50:01.400 --> 00:50:05.040
but now he's not in doubt about where you stand.

1016
00:50:05.040 --> 00:50:07.480
Now, Karen, if you don't want that,

1017
00:50:07.480 --> 00:50:09.000
then don't offer that, right?

1018
00:50:09.000 --> 00:50:10.040
Okay, right.

1019
00:50:10.040 --> 00:50:13.040
But it's not your job to book the next date.

1020
00:50:13.040 --> 00:50:13.880
Okay.

1021
00:50:13.880 --> 00:50:15.000
It's his job.

1022
00:50:15.000 --> 00:50:15.820
You bet.

1023
00:50:15.820 --> 00:50:16.660
Jessica.

1024
00:50:18.760 --> 00:50:20.840
I just had a question.

1025
00:50:20.840 --> 00:50:24.000
Like, there's a guy that has been flirting with me

1026
00:50:24.000 --> 00:50:26.140
and drive-through and like,

1027
00:50:26.980 --> 00:50:29.580
I'm just asking the right questions

1028
00:50:29.580 --> 00:50:32.420
of like finding out if he's a Christian guy or not.

1029
00:50:34.920 --> 00:50:36.860
Wait, you want to find out how,

1030
00:50:38.140 --> 00:50:41.460
to find out how much of a Christian he is?

1031
00:50:41.460 --> 00:50:42.300
Yeah.

1032
00:50:42.300 --> 00:50:43.780
Like, I don't know if he's a Christian or not

1033
00:50:43.780 --> 00:50:46.660
because he seemed really interested.

1034
00:50:46.660 --> 00:50:47.500
Okay.

1035
00:50:47.500 --> 00:50:48.320
So how, wait, how long,

1036
00:50:48.320 --> 00:50:49.860
how much have you guys been chatting?

1037
00:50:53.840 --> 00:50:55.060
For a couple of years,

1038
00:50:55.060 --> 00:50:58.500
but he, I accidentally flirted with him

1039
00:50:58.500 --> 00:50:59.620
a couple of weeks ago.

1040
00:51:01.700 --> 00:51:02.700
Wait, so how do you know him?

1041
00:51:02.700 --> 00:51:04.140
Do you know him in real life?

1042
00:51:04.140 --> 00:51:06.900
I work in, no, I just,

1043
00:51:06.900 --> 00:51:07.940
I work in drive-throughs.

1044
00:51:07.940 --> 00:51:08.780
I work at McDonald's,

1045
00:51:08.780 --> 00:51:10.940
so he comes through like all the time.

1046
00:51:11.940 --> 00:51:13.900
Okay, so he's just a customer,

1047
00:51:13.900 --> 00:51:16.580
and so you've not had a loan time yet?

1048
00:51:16.580 --> 00:51:17.580
No.

1049
00:51:17.580 --> 00:51:18.420
Okay.

1050
00:51:18.420 --> 00:51:20.380
And you accidentally flirted with him.

1051
00:51:20.380 --> 00:51:21.580
Did he try to pick,

1052
00:51:21.580 --> 00:51:23.420
did he try to ask you out?

1053
00:51:25.060 --> 00:51:26.760
Not yet.

1054
00:51:26.760 --> 00:51:27.600
Okay.

1055
00:51:27.600 --> 00:51:29.420
So here's a really cute way

1056
00:51:30.340 --> 00:51:33.760
that you could drop the hanky with him.

1057
00:51:34.620 --> 00:51:36.280
If he orders something,

1058
00:51:36.280 --> 00:51:38.460
you can attach a note in his order,

1059
00:51:38.460 --> 00:51:39.900
and if he's meant to see it, he'll see it.

1060
00:51:39.900 --> 00:51:40.740
And you can just say,

1061
00:51:40.740 --> 00:51:43.360
hey, I've seen you around for the last couple of years.

1062
00:51:43.360 --> 00:51:45.780
We, of course, don't know anything about each other,

1063
00:51:45.780 --> 00:51:50.780
but I would be open to a video chat,

1064
00:51:51.020 --> 00:51:52.720
meet up for coffee,

1065
00:51:54.060 --> 00:51:54.960
and get to know you.

1066
00:51:55.820 --> 00:51:58.160
If you are not interested, totally okay.

1067
00:51:58.160 --> 00:52:00.080
I just thought I would put myself out there.

1068
00:52:00.080 --> 00:52:01.520
Because all you're trying to do is saying,

1069
00:52:01.520 --> 00:52:03.240
I just want to get to know you.

1070
00:52:03.240 --> 00:52:04.920
You don't need to know if he's a Christian,

1071
00:52:04.920 --> 00:52:06.080
or like, you're not going to ask,

1072
00:52:06.080 --> 00:52:07.780
oh my gosh, are you a Christian yet?

1073
00:52:07.780 --> 00:52:10.400
Like, you might find that out in the first phone call,

1074
00:52:10.400 --> 00:52:12.000
or the first date.

1075
00:52:12.000 --> 00:52:12.880
So does that help?

1076
00:52:12.880 --> 00:52:14.560
Like, that's, so dropping a hanky,

1077
00:52:14.560 --> 00:52:15.640
that's dropping the hanky.

1078
00:52:15.640 --> 00:52:18.280
Like, hey, this may seem really crazy,

1079
00:52:18.280 --> 00:52:20.440
but I've noticed you for the last couple of years,

1080
00:52:20.440 --> 00:52:22.160
and I thought, what the heck?

1081
00:52:22.160 --> 00:52:23.120
Let me just let you know.

1082
00:52:23.120 --> 00:52:24.300
I'd love to get to know you.

1083
00:52:24.300 --> 00:52:25.780
We don't know anything about each other,

1084
00:52:25.780 --> 00:52:26.860
but it sure would be fun.

1085
00:52:26.860 --> 00:52:30.260
If you're not interested, that's also totally okay.

1086
00:52:30.260 --> 00:52:31.580
That's dropping hanky.

1087
00:52:31.580 --> 00:52:34.180
And so that's how you would drop the hanky

1088
00:52:34.180 --> 00:52:35.700
in your situation.

1089
00:52:35.700 --> 00:52:37.240
Finding out about faith, you guys.

1090
00:52:37.240 --> 00:52:39.660
When I'm texting with a guy,

1091
00:52:39.660 --> 00:52:42.500
one of the first things I ask is,

1092
00:52:42.500 --> 00:52:43.900
tell me, like, you know,

1093
00:52:43.900 --> 00:52:46.580
because guys suck at texting online.

1094
00:52:46.580 --> 00:52:47.860
They just, they don't, they're stupid.

1095
00:52:47.860 --> 00:52:49.340
They don't know what questions to ask,

1096
00:52:49.340 --> 00:52:50.820
or they just end up oversharing.

1097
00:52:50.820 --> 00:52:52.420
So I usually try to help it along,

1098
00:52:52.420 --> 00:52:56.220
and I just say, well, hey, tell me a little bit about you.

1099
00:52:56.220 --> 00:52:58.820
What things are you doing

1100
00:52:58.820 --> 00:53:01.580
that take up a lot of your time and energy

1101
00:53:01.580 --> 00:53:03.660
that are really important to you?

1102
00:53:03.660 --> 00:53:04.820
I'll go first.

1103
00:53:04.820 --> 00:53:07.820
So then I even say, I'll go first.

1104
00:53:07.820 --> 00:53:10.500
I like to go to the gym.

1105
00:53:10.500 --> 00:53:11.820
I like to eat healthy.

1106
00:53:11.820 --> 00:53:15.440
I love live theater, especially local live theater.

1107
00:53:15.440 --> 00:53:17.400
I love college sports,

1108
00:53:17.400 --> 00:53:20.300
and I love getting out in the summertime and doing something.

1109
00:53:20.300 --> 00:53:22.780
I'm super active in my church.

1110
00:53:22.780 --> 00:53:25.620
I also volunteer there as well,

1111
00:53:25.620 --> 00:53:28.780
and I love to read, and I love to cook dinners.

1112
00:53:28.780 --> 00:53:31.960
So you see how I slipped in my faith in there

1113
00:53:31.960 --> 00:53:33.220
and its importance?

1114
00:53:33.220 --> 00:53:35.420
And so I say, how about you?

1115
00:53:35.420 --> 00:53:38.040
And if they answer a bunch of stuff,

1116
00:53:38.040 --> 00:53:40.060
but they don't mention church at all,

1117
00:53:40.060 --> 00:53:41.940
I kind of make note of it,

1118
00:53:41.940 --> 00:53:44.240
and I don't say anything in the texting.

1119
00:53:44.240 --> 00:53:46.580
But if there's everything else that he's saying

1120
00:53:46.580 --> 00:53:48.460
that I really resonated with him,

1121
00:53:48.460 --> 00:53:51.940
I'm gonna give him a chance to follow up on that faith thing

1122
00:53:51.940 --> 00:53:53.400
for a video call.

1123
00:53:53.400 --> 00:53:55.180
So I wait for the video call

1124
00:53:55.180 --> 00:53:57.100
because I really wanna see their body language.

1125
00:53:57.100 --> 00:53:58.860
You guys, I know a lot of you guys

1126
00:53:58.860 --> 00:54:00.700
like to go right to a Google Voice.

1127
00:54:00.700 --> 00:54:01.660
I hate it.

1128
00:54:01.660 --> 00:54:03.140
I do not wanna talk on the phone

1129
00:54:03.140 --> 00:54:04.540
with somebody I've not seen

1130
00:54:04.540 --> 00:54:07.300
because I need to make sure those photos,

1131
00:54:07.300 --> 00:54:08.820
I don't wanna just not make sure

1132
00:54:08.820 --> 00:54:11.100
that he's a scammer or a catfisher.

1133
00:54:11.100 --> 00:54:13.060
I also wanna make sure those photos are legit

1134
00:54:13.060 --> 00:54:14.660
and from the last two years.

1135
00:54:14.660 --> 00:54:16.220
I don't wanna go out on a date with him

1136
00:54:16.220 --> 00:54:18.140
or fall in love with the phone guy

1137
00:54:18.820 --> 00:54:20.220
if he's like a hundred pounds overweight

1138
00:54:20.220 --> 00:54:23.900
or he's 25 years older than what those photos look like.

1139
00:54:23.900 --> 00:54:26.620
And I like to see, I'm a visual learner.

1140
00:54:26.620 --> 00:54:28.540
I like to see body language.

1141
00:54:28.540 --> 00:54:31.020
I like to hear tone and inflection.

1142
00:54:31.020 --> 00:54:32.640
And so I hate the phone.

1143
00:54:32.640 --> 00:54:34.100
Like, I feel like there's too much,

1144
00:54:34.100 --> 00:54:35.020
like you don't know,

1145
00:54:35.020 --> 00:54:37.520
are their eyes bugging out when you're asking the question?

1146
00:54:37.520 --> 00:54:39.540
Are they kind of scrambling?

1147
00:54:39.540 --> 00:54:41.300
Is he like in a sloppy house?

1148
00:54:41.300 --> 00:54:43.160
So I'm like looking at his furniture.

1149
00:54:43.160 --> 00:54:44.840
I'm looking at how he's dressed.

1150
00:54:44.840 --> 00:54:46.420
I'm looking at how he's sitting.

1151
00:54:46.420 --> 00:54:47.300
Is he lounging?

1152
00:54:47.300 --> 00:54:50.420
Is he treating it like it's a valuable moment?

1153
00:54:50.420 --> 00:54:53.740
So like for me, I learned so much more in a video date.

1154
00:54:53.740 --> 00:54:55.780
I feel like there's still so much you can smoke

1155
00:54:55.780 --> 00:54:57.540
and mirror in a phone call.

1156
00:54:57.540 --> 00:54:58.800
So, you know, I just say, you know,

1157
00:54:58.800 --> 00:55:00.100
those are great questions.

1158
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.720
Like, so that's how I get from a text to a video date.

1159
00:55:02.720 --> 00:55:04.280
Those are great questions you're asking.

1160
00:55:04.280 --> 00:55:06.960
I think they're too clunky for a text message.

1161
00:55:06.960 --> 00:55:08.880
Let's go ahead and book a video date.

1162
00:55:08.880 --> 00:55:10.920
And here's how I get to the video date.

1163
00:55:10.920 --> 00:55:12.320
I stop texting.

1164
00:55:12.320 --> 00:55:14.240
If you're like, but Renee, all he does is he texts.

1165
00:55:14.240 --> 00:55:15.440
We text all day long.

1166
00:55:15.440 --> 00:55:17.340
Well, then stop texting all day long.

1167
00:55:17.340 --> 00:55:19.360
That's how you get him to a video date.

1168
00:55:19.360 --> 00:55:21.240
You gotta stop, stop doing it.

1169
00:55:21.240 --> 00:55:24.440
So then when I get to the video date,

1170
00:55:24.440 --> 00:55:27.640
I might say something like, hey, as we're talking,

1171
00:55:27.640 --> 00:55:31.760
hey, you know, you mentioned you like skiing.

1172
00:55:31.760 --> 00:55:33.680
Tell me a little bit more about that.

1173
00:55:33.680 --> 00:55:35.780
You mentioned you enjoy working out.

1174
00:55:35.780 --> 00:55:37.200
Tell me a little bit more about that.

1175
00:55:37.200 --> 00:55:39.320
So I'm kind of working my way about that.

1176
00:55:39.320 --> 00:55:43.180
Hey, I also noticed that you put Christian in your profile.

1177
00:55:43.180 --> 00:55:44.760
Now I know a lot of people put that down,

1178
00:55:44.760 --> 00:55:46.880
especially in the area that we live in.

1179
00:55:46.880 --> 00:55:50.760
How does faith show up for you in your everyday life?

1180
00:55:50.760 --> 00:55:52.480
That's how I ask that question.

1181
00:55:52.480 --> 00:55:55.760
How does faith show up for you in your everyday life?

1182
00:55:56.640 --> 00:55:58.240
And they might say, well, what do you mean?

1183
00:55:58.240 --> 00:55:59.080
I'm like, I don't know.

1184
00:55:59.080 --> 00:55:59.960
Do you pray?

1185
00:55:59.960 --> 00:56:01.480
Do you go to church?

1186
00:56:01.480 --> 00:56:02.880
Do you talk about God?

1187
00:56:02.880 --> 00:56:03.980
Do you read the Bible?

1188
00:56:03.980 --> 00:56:05.160
Do you meditate?

1189
00:56:05.160 --> 00:56:06.000
I don't know.

1190
00:56:06.000 --> 00:56:06.820
It could be anything.

1191
00:56:06.820 --> 00:56:09.720
Just tell me like, how does it show up for you today?

1192
00:56:09.720 --> 00:56:11.360
Because then they might go,

1193
00:56:11.360 --> 00:56:13.240
well, you know, I was raised Methodist

1194
00:56:13.240 --> 00:56:14.520
and my grandparents were really this,

1195
00:56:14.520 --> 00:56:17.200
and they'll ramble on for two minutes about their childhood.

1196
00:56:17.200 --> 00:56:18.480
And I'll go, awesome.

1197
00:56:18.480 --> 00:56:20.920
So how does your faith show up today?

1198
00:56:20.920 --> 00:56:22.960
Like I literally re-asked the question,

1199
00:56:22.960 --> 00:56:25.240
how does your faith show up today?

1200
00:56:25.240 --> 00:56:26.840
And if I get a guy that says,

1201
00:56:26.840 --> 00:56:28.860
oh my gosh, Ray, that's a personal question.

1202
00:56:28.860 --> 00:56:30.880
My faith is very personal to me.

1203
00:56:30.880 --> 00:56:34.320
Soon as he says that, I know he's not my guy

1204
00:56:34.320 --> 00:56:37.140
because I need a guy who wants to talk about his faith

1205
00:56:37.140 --> 00:56:39.160
with me and pray with me.

1206
00:56:39.160 --> 00:56:41.760
So I'm like, that's really awesome.

1207
00:56:41.760 --> 00:56:43.400
I'm really curious about that

1208
00:56:43.400 --> 00:56:46.520
because faith actually was really meant to be in community.

1209
00:56:46.520 --> 00:56:49.080
And so I'm curious,

1210
00:56:49.080 --> 00:56:53.400
I'm curious why you like to be more private about it.

1211
00:56:53.400 --> 00:56:55.400
So again, that's a good starting word.

1212
00:56:55.400 --> 00:56:59.480
I'm curious, curious means ask for more.

1213
00:56:59.480 --> 00:57:01.000
Tell me more, I'm curious.

1214
00:57:01.000 --> 00:57:02.320
Tell me more about that.

1215
00:57:02.320 --> 00:57:06.080
I'm curious, tell me more about the importance

1216
00:57:06.080 --> 00:57:07.760
of you keeping it private.

1217
00:57:07.760 --> 00:57:10.400
Tell me what that's, you know, I'm curious about that.

1218
00:57:10.400 --> 00:57:11.440
Tell me more.

1219
00:57:11.440 --> 00:57:14.040
Curious, tell me more sounds way better than why.

1220
00:57:14.040 --> 00:57:17.040
Why, why, why, why?

1221
00:57:17.040 --> 00:57:20.360
Why kind of sounds like I put them on the defensive.

1222
00:57:20.360 --> 00:57:23.480
So Jessica, I hope I gave you that two-part answer

1223
00:57:23.480 --> 00:57:25.280
that helped you to drop the hanky.

1224
00:57:25.280 --> 00:57:27.520
And let's face it, if the guy blows you off,

1225
00:57:27.520 --> 00:57:28.340
what do you care?

1226
00:57:28.340 --> 00:57:31.680
He's just a guy driving through the drive-thru, right?

1227
00:57:31.680 --> 00:57:33.200
Okay, Cindy, you're up.

1228
00:57:38.120 --> 00:57:38.960
Is it Cindy?

1229
00:57:38.960 --> 00:57:40.520
Did I say it, pronounce it correctly?

1230
00:57:41.760 --> 00:57:44.000
Yeah, it's Cindy.

1231
00:57:44.000 --> 00:57:45.400
No, it's spelled really so.

1232
00:57:46.000 --> 00:57:50.040
I, I did that in seventh grade.

1233
00:57:53.280 --> 00:57:56.560
So I really live in the middle of nowhere.

1234
00:57:57.920 --> 00:57:59.440
Grabbing my water, but I can hear you

1235
00:57:59.440 --> 00:58:01.560
cause it's only right there, so keep talking.

1236
00:58:01.560 --> 00:58:06.560
Okay, and so I was, I go to Dallas once a month

1237
00:58:08.000 --> 00:58:09.920
to see my kids and stuff.

1238
00:58:09.920 --> 00:58:14.920
And I live in Northwest Oklahoma in a town of a hundred

1239
00:58:14.920 --> 00:58:19.920
and I, is it okay to, I don't know.

1240
00:58:23.760 --> 00:58:27.360
I mean, like, how far do I go to see people?

1241
00:58:27.360 --> 00:58:28.200
You may need to leave your town, though.

1242
00:58:28.200 --> 00:58:30.200
If they come here, there's nothing.

1243
00:58:30.200 --> 00:58:31.040
Yeah.

1244
00:58:32.960 --> 00:58:34.600
How far away is Dallas?

1245
00:58:35.560 --> 00:58:36.840
Five hours.

1246
00:58:36.840 --> 00:58:39.200
Eesh, that's the closest town town?

1247
00:58:39.200 --> 00:58:42.840
No, I can't, that's just where I go on a regular basis.

1248
00:58:43.200 --> 00:58:47.600
There's a 50,000 people town about an hour

1249
00:58:47.600 --> 00:58:49.800
and there's an hour and a half,

1250
00:58:49.800 --> 00:58:53.840
almost two hours to Oklahoma City.

1251
00:58:53.840 --> 00:58:55.000
Oh yeah, Oklahoma City.

1252
00:58:55.000 --> 00:58:56.360
I've been to Oklahoma City.

1253
00:58:56.360 --> 00:58:59.400
So you're gonna have to look at men in those two,

1254
00:58:59.400 --> 00:59:00.800
in those three areas.

1255
00:59:00.800 --> 00:59:02.520
You're gonna have to look at Dallas.

1256
00:59:02.520 --> 00:59:06.360
You're gonna have to be willing to look at either online

1257
00:59:06.360 --> 00:59:09.720
that's gonna get you to Dallas and those two other cities,

1258
00:59:09.720 --> 00:59:13.240
or you can start Googling for meetup activities

1259
00:59:13.240 --> 00:59:14.560
in those three towns.

1260
00:59:14.560 --> 00:59:17.160
You may wanna pick the meetups and activities

1261
00:59:17.160 --> 00:59:20.040
in the two towns that are closer to you

1262
00:59:20.040 --> 00:59:22.920
because you guys, like an hour drive in,

1263
00:59:22.920 --> 00:59:24.560
I mean, I live South of Franklin.

1264
00:59:24.560 --> 00:59:25.600
I drive to my sister's.

1265
00:59:25.600 --> 00:59:26.960
It's an hour to get to my sister.

1266
00:59:26.960 --> 00:59:28.200
She's North of Franklin.

1267
00:59:28.200 --> 00:59:31.080
On a busy day, it takes me an hour to get into Nashville.

1268
00:59:31.080 --> 00:59:34.760
So like for me meeting somebody, like it's not,

1269
00:59:34.760 --> 00:59:37.160
it would not be uncommon for me to drive in a Nashville

1270
00:59:37.160 --> 00:59:38.200
to meet some guy.

1271
00:59:39.080 --> 00:59:42.760
So I think it is okay for you to start looking

1272
00:59:42.760 --> 00:59:47.760
in those two towns for you and being willing to do that.

1273
00:59:49.000 --> 00:59:53.000
So it's not like you go long, super long distance,

1274
00:59:53.000 --> 00:59:55.080
but when you know you're gonna be in Dallas,

1275
00:59:55.080 --> 00:59:57.240
you can also see what's going on in that town,

1276
00:59:57.240 --> 01:00:00.240
like that weekend, and you can kind of book things around it.

1277
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.060
I was just at the Dallas airport this past weekend.

1278
01:00:05.060 --> 01:00:08.020
I'm just, I forget how big Dallas is.

1279
01:00:09.900 --> 01:00:11.900
Anyway, so that's what I'm going to encourage you to do.

1280
01:00:11.900 --> 01:00:15.140
So look at those three cities, plan activities and events

1281
01:00:15.140 --> 01:00:17.420
around that so you can start to meet people.

1282
01:00:17.420 --> 01:00:18.580
And I think it's okay.

1283
01:00:18.580 --> 01:00:20.040
Are you open to moving?

1284
01:00:21.660 --> 01:00:22.500
I don't know.

1285
01:00:22.500 --> 01:00:23.420
It kind of depends on God

1286
01:00:23.420 --> 01:00:25.820
because I'm pastoring two churches up here.

1287
01:00:25.820 --> 01:00:26.660
And I-

1288
01:00:26.660 --> 01:00:27.740
Oh my goodness, girl.

1289
01:00:27.740 --> 01:00:32.460
I'm doing an outreach program for a bilingual program

1290
01:00:32.460 --> 01:00:34.740
that I'm just starting and I'm learning Spanish.

1291
01:00:34.740 --> 01:00:37.420
And I'm, there's a bunch of stuff going on here

1292
01:00:37.420 --> 01:00:38.460
that God's called me to do.

1293
01:00:38.460 --> 01:00:40.040
So I don't know.

1294
01:00:40.040 --> 01:00:40.880
Okay.

1295
01:00:40.880 --> 01:00:42.580
Well then you're just going to trust the process.

1296
01:00:42.580 --> 01:00:44.940
You're just going to trust the process.

1297
01:00:44.940 --> 01:00:46.340
Okay.

1298
01:00:46.340 --> 01:00:47.620
Awesome.

1299
01:00:47.620 --> 01:00:49.820
I do have one more real quick question.

1300
01:00:49.820 --> 01:00:53.220
Because I'm a pastor, do I list that?

1301
01:00:53.220 --> 01:00:55.020
Cause I'd ask, what's your job?

1302
01:00:55.020 --> 01:00:55.840
And-

1303
01:00:55.840 --> 01:00:56.680
Oh, so good.

1304
01:00:56.680 --> 01:00:57.520
Great question.

1305
01:00:58.420 --> 01:00:59.260
Let me help you on this answer.

1306
01:00:59.260 --> 01:01:00.540
Okay.

1307
01:01:00.540 --> 01:01:03.620
So when I used to run my nonprofit,

1308
01:01:03.620 --> 01:01:06.780
I used to put CEO of a nonprofit.

1309
01:01:06.780 --> 01:01:07.940
No.

1310
01:01:07.940 --> 01:01:10.500
I started then putting a director of a nonprofit.

1311
01:01:10.500 --> 01:01:14.140
For men, it is really intimidating to write CEO

1312
01:01:14.140 --> 01:01:14.980
of a nonprofit.

1313
01:01:14.980 --> 01:01:17.300
So I just put director at a nonprofit.

1314
01:01:17.300 --> 01:01:18.980
That could have been managing director,

1315
01:01:18.980 --> 01:01:21.800
associate director, it could mean anything.

1316
01:01:21.800 --> 01:01:25.180
So if I were you, I would just, you know,

1317
01:01:25.220 --> 01:01:28.340
I would just say, you could either put pastoral staff,

1318
01:01:31.080 --> 01:01:32.380
you could put pastoral staff,

1319
01:01:32.380 --> 01:01:35.960
or you can just be, you can, you know, church staff.

1320
01:01:35.960 --> 01:01:38.960
Like you could either do pastoral staff or church staff.

1321
01:01:38.960 --> 01:01:42.880
Probably for you, pastoral staff would be more honest,

1322
01:01:43.820 --> 01:01:46.300
but it's not saying I'm the lead past,

1323
01:01:46.300 --> 01:01:47.140
you know what I'm saying?

1324
01:01:47.140 --> 01:01:47.960
Pastoral staff.

1325
01:01:47.960 --> 01:01:50.940
Because if I were you, I'm okay.

1326
01:01:50.940 --> 01:01:52.780
Like, I'm okay.

1327
01:01:52.780 --> 01:01:54.180
Like, I will say this.

1328
01:01:54.180 --> 01:01:56.780
I don't have in my profile that I'm going to seminary.

1329
01:01:56.780 --> 01:01:59.580
I do tell people right away that I'm,

1330
01:01:59.580 --> 01:02:01.220
oh, I'm going to school for my master's.

1331
01:02:01.220 --> 01:02:04.220
And if that intimidates the stink out of them, goodbye.

1332
01:02:04.220 --> 01:02:07.740
Like, I'm not gonna hide, but I don't jump with seminary.

1333
01:02:07.740 --> 01:02:09.460
Cause even when I, where was I?

1334
01:02:09.460 --> 01:02:12.100
Oh, I was my friends plus one in Mexico,

1335
01:02:12.100 --> 01:02:14.240
totally secular company.

1336
01:02:14.240 --> 01:02:17.340
Y'all, we were hanging out with this gay couple

1337
01:02:17.340 --> 01:02:19.140
and I could tell like, all right, Renee,

1338
01:02:19.140 --> 01:02:21.220
you can't come out with super Jesus.

1339
01:02:21.220 --> 01:02:23.860
Like, this is just not the place for it.

1340
01:02:24.540 --> 01:02:26.900
And he's like, oh, well, we didn't go to school for it.

1341
01:02:26.900 --> 01:02:28.260
I'm like, oh, seminary.

1342
01:02:28.260 --> 01:02:30.140
Well, I mean, it was like,

1343
01:02:31.460 --> 01:02:34.940
he basically was like, oh, do you hate the gays?

1344
01:02:35.860 --> 01:02:37.120
Did you vote for Trump?

1345
01:02:37.120 --> 01:02:40.820
And I'm like, I said, Brian, we just not met.

1346
01:02:40.820 --> 01:02:42.580
Dude, we are not gonna go there.

1347
01:02:42.580 --> 01:02:44.000
I said, for the last two hours,

1348
01:02:44.000 --> 01:02:46.060
have I not treated you with kindness and love?

1349
01:02:46.060 --> 01:02:46.900
He goes, yes.

1350
01:02:46.900 --> 01:02:48.620
And I said, then that's all that matters.

1351
01:02:48.620 --> 01:02:49.820
We're just not going there.

1352
01:02:49.820 --> 01:02:54.820
Like, so definitely have learned to rein it

1353
01:02:54.980 --> 01:02:57.460
in a little bit, but not lie about it either.

1354
01:02:58.580 --> 01:03:00.220
So find your balance.

1355
01:03:00.220 --> 01:03:01.100
Thank you.

1356
01:03:01.100 --> 01:03:02.220
You bet, Tasha.

1357
01:03:04.420 --> 01:03:07.820
I just wonder, I guess I'm feeling a little nervous

1358
01:03:07.820 --> 01:03:10.300
because I haven't dated anyone online

1359
01:03:10.300 --> 01:03:12.260
since the preposterous situation

1360
01:03:12.260 --> 01:03:14.220
I told you about a week ago.

1361
01:03:14.220 --> 01:03:18.420
And I know this guy asked me, he's, you know, he's a cook.

1362
01:03:18.420 --> 01:03:20.220
I mean, in fact, when we were on video,

1363
01:03:20.220 --> 01:03:21.740
he started showing me around his house.

1364
01:03:21.740 --> 01:03:23.340
I mean, he volunteered a lot of information.

1365
01:03:23.340 --> 01:03:24.500
I didn't even ask.

1366
01:03:24.500 --> 01:03:26.260
And he volunteered, he was a Christian.

1367
01:03:26.260 --> 01:03:28.220
I didn't even ask that either.

1368
01:03:28.220 --> 01:03:30.100
But he said, oh, I can cook for you.

1369
01:03:30.100 --> 01:03:33.180
And I said, well, no, I prefer you take me out,

1370
01:03:33.180 --> 01:03:34.220
you know, because I don't know him.

1371
01:03:34.220 --> 01:03:35.420
I'm not going to his house.

1372
01:03:35.420 --> 01:03:37.260
But just out of curiosity,

1373
01:03:37.260 --> 01:03:41.700
what's a recommended time before you,

1374
01:03:41.700 --> 01:03:45.020
a couple months, right, before you go to someone's house?

1375
01:03:45.020 --> 01:03:47.820
Well, a couple months is a long time.

1376
01:03:48.780 --> 01:03:51.580
I will say this, you want to make sure you,

1377
01:03:51.580 --> 01:03:54.940
I will say this, there's no perfect time.

1378
01:03:54.940 --> 01:03:55.780
You have to know,

1379
01:03:55.780 --> 01:03:58.020
there's a whole lot of factors that go into it.

1380
01:03:58.020 --> 01:04:01.020
I would definitely say for the first four to six dates,

1381
01:04:01.020 --> 01:04:02.700
do not go to each other's houses.

1382
01:04:04.380 --> 01:04:06.180
And there's no right or wrong answer to this.

1383
01:04:06.180 --> 01:04:08.420
There are some people on this call that might say,

1384
01:04:08.420 --> 01:04:10.860
I'm not going to his house until we're exclusive.

1385
01:04:10.860 --> 01:04:11.740
That's okay.

1386
01:04:11.740 --> 01:04:13.820
That's an okay stance for you.

1387
01:04:13.820 --> 01:04:15.140
Somebody might say, you know what?

1388
01:04:15.140 --> 01:04:17.980
Oh my gosh, he is so hot.

1389
01:04:17.980 --> 01:04:20.420
I don't think I could go to his house for like three months.

1390
01:04:20.420 --> 01:04:21.620
Like I need to make sure,

1391
01:04:21.620 --> 01:04:24.420
like we are in a committed serious relationship

1392
01:04:24.420 --> 01:04:25.500
because I don't trust me.

1393
01:04:25.500 --> 01:04:27.540
Like I'm going to be all up in his grill.

1394
01:04:28.700 --> 01:04:31.300
But sometimes they're going to give you the safe vibe.

1395
01:04:31.300 --> 01:04:33.340
Like I was with Rick,

1396
01:04:33.340 --> 01:04:35.740
we dated like four or five times before he's like,

1397
01:04:35.740 --> 01:04:36.900
hey, I don't want to date anybody else.

1398
01:04:36.900 --> 01:04:38.500
Can we just focus on each other?

1399
01:04:38.500 --> 01:04:39.820
That's why I call 3A.

1400
01:04:39.820 --> 01:04:41.300
We weren't talking about marriage yet,

1401
01:04:41.300 --> 01:04:42.620
but we weren't like,

1402
01:04:43.780 --> 01:04:46.780
we were kind of done talking to other people.

1403
01:04:46.780 --> 01:04:48.580
And then I, a couple of weeks later,

1404
01:04:48.580 --> 01:04:50.060
I went to church with him.

1405
01:04:50.060 --> 01:04:52.580
So I met people at church that, you know,

1406
01:04:52.580 --> 01:04:54.660
really liked him and then kind of endorsed him.

1407
01:04:54.660 --> 01:04:57.900
So I knew at least he wasn't an ax murderer, right?

1408
01:04:57.900 --> 01:04:59.540
Like I knew he was a safe guy.

1409
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.080
He were gonna go play pool,

1410
01:05:02.080 --> 01:05:05.020
like his condo complex has all these amenities.

1411
01:05:05.020 --> 01:05:09.200
So he knew, I knew we were gonna stop by his condo

1412
01:05:09.200 --> 01:05:11.320
on the way to go downstairs.

1413
01:05:11.320 --> 01:05:13.200
And I was really kind of nervous about it.

1414
01:05:13.200 --> 01:05:15.020
And I was like, all right, I'm gonna see how I feel.

1415
01:05:15.020 --> 01:05:17.520
Well, I have to say, I felt really some,

1416
01:05:17.520 --> 01:05:22.160
I mean, I can read a room and his home was immaculate.

1417
01:05:22.160 --> 01:05:24.560
It was all the style that I liked.

1418
01:05:24.560 --> 01:05:27.640
And it just, it felt safe and it felt comfortable.

1419
01:05:27.640 --> 01:05:29.400
So I immediately felt like, you know what?

1420
01:05:29.440 --> 01:05:32.800
I could hang out with him here, but we didn't right away.

1421
01:05:32.800 --> 01:05:35.120
It just made me realize that I could.

1422
01:05:35.120 --> 01:05:38.920
And I think I invited him over for dinner at my place first

1423
01:05:38.920 --> 01:05:41.360
cause I felt more in control of that environment.

1424
01:05:41.360 --> 01:05:43.080
And if I needed to kick him out, I could.

1425
01:05:43.080 --> 01:05:45.840
And my condo is small and I can yell for a neighbor

1426
01:05:45.840 --> 01:05:49.020
in pretty like five seconds flat and I'd be safe.

1427
01:05:49.020 --> 01:05:53.360
So I would say, don't be worrying about like being alone

1428
01:05:53.360 --> 01:05:54.480
in each other's home yet.

1429
01:05:54.480 --> 01:05:56.800
You are just getting to know him.

1430
01:05:56.800 --> 01:05:59.120
And so since he planned this date, Tasha,

1431
01:06:00.000 --> 01:06:01.360
if he wants to go out again,

1432
01:06:01.360 --> 01:06:03.040
I encourage you to plan the next date.

1433
01:06:03.040 --> 01:06:04.060
Say, hey, you know what?

1434
01:06:04.060 --> 01:06:06.080
Next time let's just go do something fun.

1435
01:06:06.080 --> 01:06:07.080
Let's go bowling.

1436
01:06:07.080 --> 01:06:08.080
Let's go putt-putt.

1437
01:06:08.080 --> 01:06:10.320
Let's go do something fun.

1438
01:06:10.320 --> 01:06:13.360
Because you wanna just not keep doing dinner dates

1439
01:06:13.360 --> 01:06:15.500
every time because all you're gonna do, you guys,

1440
01:06:15.500 --> 01:06:17.640
is just talk and talk and talk,

1441
01:06:17.640 --> 01:06:20.740
which means all you're gonna do is just vomit your story.

1442
01:06:20.740 --> 01:06:23.420
You wanna actually start to do experiences with them.

1443
01:06:23.420 --> 01:06:25.080
You wanna see what they're like

1444
01:06:25.080 --> 01:06:28.000
when they're winning at bowling, when they're losing.

1445
01:06:28.040 --> 01:06:30.860
So, because if you start talking too much,

1446
01:06:30.860 --> 01:06:33.520
you're definitely going to just go down the train

1447
01:06:33.520 --> 01:06:34.640
of talking about your past.

1448
01:06:34.640 --> 01:06:35.580
You can't help it.

1449
01:06:36.440 --> 01:06:38.080
But movies, what about movies?

1450
01:06:38.080 --> 01:06:38.900
Movies, you just-

1451
01:06:38.900 --> 01:06:41.360
Movies, no, not in the beginning, y'all.

1452
01:06:41.360 --> 01:06:43.040
There's no talking in a movie.

1453
01:06:43.040 --> 01:06:47.300
No, no, movies are terrible first dates.

1454
01:06:47.300 --> 01:06:51.860
Movies is like, actually one of the last dates

1455
01:06:51.860 --> 01:06:53.320
Rick and I had was a movie.

1456
01:06:53.320 --> 01:06:56.360
I finally took us to see the unsung hero

1457
01:06:56.360 --> 01:06:58.120
because I was dying to go see a movie.

1458
01:06:58.120 --> 01:07:00.760
Movies are terrible for the first six dates.

1459
01:07:00.760 --> 01:07:03.120
No, I mean, no, no.

1460
01:07:03.120 --> 01:07:05.280
You don't have a chance to get to know them.

1461
01:07:06.520 --> 01:07:09.840
Now, if it's a play or something like a matinee

1462
01:07:09.840 --> 01:07:12.440
and you're gonna go and have dinner, I don't know.

1463
01:07:12.440 --> 01:07:13.280
I don't know.

1464
01:07:13.280 --> 01:07:15.520
I mean, I love theater and I love movies.

1465
01:07:15.520 --> 01:07:20.320
I'm just saying, movie dates, you start holding hands.

1466
01:07:20.320 --> 01:07:21.800
You might make out.

1467
01:07:21.800 --> 01:07:22.640
I don't know.

1468
01:07:22.640 --> 01:07:24.160
Just be careful with movie dates.

1469
01:07:25.160 --> 01:07:26.000
Rachel.

1470
01:07:30.240 --> 01:07:31.080
You are up, girl.

1471
01:07:31.080 --> 01:07:31.960
Are you still here?

1472
01:07:33.440 --> 01:07:35.120
Rachel, you're on mute.

1473
01:07:35.120 --> 01:07:35.960
Your hand is up.

1474
01:07:35.960 --> 01:07:37.140
Yes, sorry.

1475
01:07:37.140 --> 01:07:37.980
You bet.

1476
01:07:37.980 --> 01:07:39.120
I hit the wrong button and all of a sudden

1477
01:07:39.120 --> 01:07:40.600
my screen changed and the whole nine yards.

1478
01:07:40.600 --> 01:07:41.440
All good.

1479
01:07:42.520 --> 01:07:45.200
So I have, I think I've been in here

1480
01:07:45.200 --> 01:07:50.200
probably like four or five weeks, which is fine for me.

1481
01:07:50.240 --> 01:07:53.360
But I'm having a hard time.

1482
01:07:53.400 --> 01:07:55.080
I think it's part of my people pleasing

1483
01:07:55.080 --> 01:07:56.720
that I'm working on coming out of.

1484
01:07:56.720 --> 01:07:58.920
But like I'm meeting guys online

1485
01:07:58.920 --> 01:08:01.760
and I have a really busy schedule,

1486
01:08:01.760 --> 01:08:05.240
like really busy schedule and only a little bit of time.

1487
01:08:05.240 --> 01:08:06.080
Like, hey, can we do this?

1488
01:08:06.080 --> 01:08:06.900
Hey, can we do that?

1489
01:08:06.900 --> 01:08:07.740
Hey, can we meet?

1490
01:08:07.740 --> 01:08:09.960
You know, like right away.

1491
01:08:09.960 --> 01:08:13.120
And I'm trying to fit everything in.

1492
01:08:13.120 --> 01:08:15.400
And then I'm overwhelmed that like, hey,

1493
01:08:15.400 --> 01:08:16.840
like I'm out of town this weekend

1494
01:08:16.840 --> 01:08:19.479
and then I'm working all next week as I travel for work.

1495
01:08:19.479 --> 01:08:20.479
I'm a flight attendant.

1496
01:08:20.479 --> 01:08:21.960
So like, it's gonna be three weeks

1497
01:08:21.960 --> 01:08:23.240
where I can set up a date with you.

1498
01:08:24.080 --> 01:08:26.359
I don't have time between now and then.

1499
01:08:27.560 --> 01:08:29.279
And we just schedule that.

1500
01:08:29.279 --> 01:08:32.720
And if they're not okay with that, you move on.

1501
01:08:32.720 --> 01:08:34.880
You know what girl, that is my new answer.

1502
01:08:34.880 --> 01:08:38.120
After I felt like shit for three months

1503
01:08:38.120 --> 01:08:41.399
that I felt like I could not give Rick enough time.

1504
01:08:41.399 --> 01:08:42.600
And you know what?

1505
01:08:42.600 --> 01:08:45.520
I'm no longer apologizing for my schedule.

1506
01:08:45.520 --> 01:08:46.920
I am in school.

1507
01:08:46.920 --> 01:08:50.600
I have vacations booked with my friends already.

1508
01:08:50.600 --> 01:08:52.080
I have friends.

1509
01:08:52.080 --> 01:08:53.359
I have my church community.

1510
01:08:53.359 --> 01:08:55.640
I will make space for you.

1511
01:08:55.640 --> 01:08:59.420
I will, I will, but I'm not gonna stop my life.

1512
01:08:59.420 --> 01:09:02.240
So because you travel a lot,

1513
01:09:02.240 --> 01:09:07.240
I would say try to book as fast as possible, short video.

1514
01:09:07.300 --> 01:09:09.279
So when I book a video date, you guys,

1515
01:09:09.279 --> 01:09:14.060
a lot of times I might say, hey, can we book a video chat?

1516
01:09:14.060 --> 01:09:16.420
I said, not more than 30 minutes.

1517
01:09:16.420 --> 01:09:20.080
And I purposely pick that 30 minute video chat

1518
01:09:20.080 --> 01:09:22.000
when I have something else right afterwards.

1519
01:09:22.720 --> 01:09:23.800
So I have to get off the phone.

1520
01:09:23.800 --> 01:09:25.560
So I have to get off the video.

1521
01:09:25.560 --> 01:09:28.040
If I really like them, like, oh my gosh, I'm so bummed.

1522
01:09:28.040 --> 01:09:28.859
I have to go.

1523
01:09:28.859 --> 01:09:30.420
I really do have to go,

1524
01:09:30.420 --> 01:09:32.760
but I would love to book another video day

1525
01:09:32.760 --> 01:09:33.920
or a video chat with you.

1526
01:09:33.920 --> 01:09:35.560
I know it might seem crazy

1527
01:09:35.560 --> 01:09:36.880
that I have to book this time with you.

1528
01:09:36.880 --> 01:09:39.640
And you guys, Rick gave me so much crap for my calendar

1529
01:09:39.640 --> 01:09:41.000
because it was all color coded.

1530
01:09:41.000 --> 01:09:44.939
I had like school, work, the gym, church,

1531
01:09:44.939 --> 01:09:46.600
but man, if I didn't book you in,

1532
01:09:46.600 --> 01:09:49.319
there was like, I'm just not in the season of my life

1533
01:09:49.319 --> 01:09:51.240
where I have a lot of disposable time,

1534
01:09:51.240 --> 01:09:53.040
but I will make time for you.

1535
01:09:53.040 --> 01:09:54.760
And so Rachel, I think it's okay for you

1536
01:09:54.760 --> 01:09:56.480
to learn that really fast with guys.

1537
01:09:56.480 --> 01:09:58.920
Like, you know what, I don't have a lot of time,

1538
01:09:58.920 --> 01:10:00.040
but I promise I-

1539
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.240
best in my people, well, that's how you can say it.

1540
01:10:02.240 --> 01:10:04.120
I don't have a lot of time.

1541
01:10:04.120 --> 01:10:07.320
I do have to schedule things in this season,

1542
01:10:07.320 --> 01:10:10.360
but I promise you, if you're my person,

1543
01:10:10.360 --> 01:10:12.800
I'm intentional with my time.

1544
01:10:12.800 --> 01:10:13.620
Okay.

1545
01:10:13.620 --> 01:10:15.040
So that's what I would say up front,

1546
01:10:15.040 --> 01:10:18.000
just say, hey, can we book a video chat?

1547
01:10:18.000 --> 01:10:20.720
And you probably wanna get two or three video chats

1548
01:10:20.720 --> 01:10:22.940
under your belt to see if it's worth you

1549
01:10:22.940 --> 01:10:24.560
even booking a live visit.

1550
01:10:24.560 --> 01:10:28.400
Since you have such limited face-to-face time,

1551
01:10:28.400 --> 01:10:29.800
you wanna make sure.

1552
01:10:29.800 --> 01:10:31.600
Now, for those of you that have plenty of time

1553
01:10:31.600 --> 01:10:34.740
on your hands and he's willing to come meet you for coffee,

1554
01:10:34.740 --> 01:10:36.000
have at it, go to the,

1555
01:10:36.000 --> 01:10:38.140
like if a guy wants to meet me in person

1556
01:10:38.140 --> 01:10:41.520
before a video date, then I book a coffee shop

1557
01:10:41.520 --> 01:10:43.160
that's a mile down the road for me.

1558
01:10:43.160 --> 01:10:46.320
It's gonna cost me no time and energy and effort.

1559
01:10:46.320 --> 01:10:49.560
And back to what I said earlier, I make it during the day.

1560
01:10:49.560 --> 01:10:52.820
So if somebody insists on meeting me faster,

1561
01:10:52.820 --> 01:10:55.300
then I make it super damn easy for me.

1562
01:10:56.400 --> 01:10:58.320
Yeah, yeah, okay.

1563
01:10:58.320 --> 01:10:59.680
Does that help?

1564
01:11:00.520 --> 01:11:01.360
Yes, it does help.

1565
01:11:01.360 --> 01:11:03.280
I mean, I'm just thinking, I just went on a date.

1566
01:11:03.280 --> 01:11:04.800
So I did a video date with a guy,

1567
01:11:04.800 --> 01:11:06.960
like, I don't know, last Saturday night.

1568
01:11:06.960 --> 01:11:09.040
And then we met, we wanted to go to dinner

1569
01:11:09.040 --> 01:11:12.200
and I flat out suggested, how about we go play putt-putt?

1570
01:11:12.200 --> 01:11:14.260
I don't wanna sit across from you at dinner.

1571
01:11:14.260 --> 01:11:15.100
We don't need an interview.

1572
01:11:15.100 --> 01:11:15.920
I'm a flight attendant.

1573
01:11:15.920 --> 01:11:17.360
I do small talk with people all day long.

1574
01:11:17.360 --> 01:11:19.200
I don't need to do it again like you.

1575
01:11:19.200 --> 01:11:20.960
Like, it's annoying.

1576
01:11:21.920 --> 01:11:24.160
And so we went and he totally took it, did putt-putt,

1577
01:11:24.160 --> 01:11:25.760
but he's like, hey, your life is so busy.

1578
01:11:25.760 --> 01:11:27.680
Like, how does dating fit into this?

1579
01:11:28.520 --> 01:11:30.160
Like, how do you have time for,

1580
01:11:30.160 --> 01:11:31.520
your schedule is very sporadic.

1581
01:11:31.520 --> 01:11:32.440
It's never the same.

1582
01:11:32.440 --> 01:11:33.840
And I'm like, no, it's not the same.

1583
01:11:33.840 --> 01:11:36.280
It's very, it's like, it's not every week.

1584
01:11:36.280 --> 01:11:38.600
And it's almost like this.

1585
01:11:38.600 --> 01:11:39.760
And it's happened a couple of times,

1586
01:11:39.760 --> 01:11:41.320
a couple of questions, like, how are you gonna make time?

1587
01:11:41.320 --> 01:11:45.480
How are you gonna make it work when your life is busy?

1588
01:11:45.480 --> 01:11:46.760
It's not nine to five.

1589
01:11:46.760 --> 01:11:47.880
It's very different.

1590
01:11:47.880 --> 01:11:49.320
You know what?

1591
01:11:49.320 --> 01:11:53.640
You can say, I would be lying that I have a set schedule

1592
01:11:53.640 --> 01:11:56.020
and it's consistent, but I can tell you,

1593
01:11:56.020 --> 01:11:58.420
I make time for the people that matter to me.

1594
01:11:58.420 --> 01:11:59.260
Okay.

1595
01:11:59.260 --> 01:12:00.460
Because this is my career.

1596
01:12:00.460 --> 01:12:02.900
So I've been doing this for a very long time.

1597
01:12:02.900 --> 01:12:05.500
I know how to make time for my family and friends.

1598
01:12:05.500 --> 01:12:08.740
And if you're the person that I wanna date,

1599
01:12:08.740 --> 01:12:10.940
you would just have to trust me

1600
01:12:10.940 --> 01:12:13.260
that I already know how to do this.

1601
01:12:13.260 --> 01:12:14.100
Okay.

1602
01:12:14.100 --> 01:12:17.780
But it will require us to be intentional and flexible.

1603
01:12:17.780 --> 01:12:18.740
And so you're right.

1604
01:12:18.740 --> 01:12:22.540
I will need us to be intentional and flexible.

1605
01:12:22.540 --> 01:12:23.740
Yeah. Okay.

1606
01:12:23.740 --> 01:12:24.980
Thank you so much.

1607
01:12:24.980 --> 01:12:25.820
You bet.

1608
01:12:25.820 --> 01:12:27.400
You bet, sweetie.

1609
01:12:27.400 --> 01:12:28.240
Anybody else?

1610
01:12:28.240 --> 01:12:29.420
Those are good questions, you guys.

1611
01:12:29.420 --> 01:12:32.220
I hope you guys are getting something.

1612
01:12:32.220 --> 01:12:34.700
Where do you do the video dates, chats?

1613
01:12:34.700 --> 01:12:38.780
I do them on my Zoom account right here, Zoom.

1614
01:12:38.780 --> 01:12:41.380
And where I specifically do them in my home,

1615
01:12:41.380 --> 01:12:42.340
I show you guys.

1616
01:12:42.340 --> 01:12:44.260
I think I've showed you before.

1617
01:12:44.260 --> 01:12:48.420
I always pick, watch, I'm gonna do this.

1618
01:12:48.420 --> 01:12:49.260
I'm gonna take you home.

1619
01:12:49.260 --> 01:12:51.780
So now I'm taking it to my teeny tiny home.

1620
01:12:51.780 --> 01:12:53.580
I'm gonna close the bathroom door

1621
01:12:53.580 --> 01:12:55.940
because it's gonna give me light I don't want.

1622
01:12:57.020 --> 01:13:00.400
I'm gonna put light on facing me.

1623
01:13:00.400 --> 01:13:03.060
So look, see, look, I've now,

1624
01:13:03.060 --> 01:13:05.500
look, this is a good video date spot.

1625
01:13:05.500 --> 01:13:07.660
I got the pretty picture behind me.

1626
01:13:07.660 --> 01:13:10.340
Shows a little bit of my quirky personality.

1627
01:13:10.340 --> 01:13:13.340
And I'm facing the light so I have no lines and wrinkles.

1628
01:13:13.340 --> 01:13:15.940
It's the best way to get rid of your lines and wrinkles.

1629
01:13:15.940 --> 01:13:17.220
Face the light.

1630
01:13:17.220 --> 01:13:19.200
And I'm gonna put the computer about here.

1631
01:13:19.200 --> 01:13:21.060
So I'm gonna prop it up at this height.

1632
01:13:21.060 --> 01:13:23.660
So if I have a cute earrings on and a cute top,

1633
01:13:23.660 --> 01:13:25.260
I want him to just see more than this.

1634
01:13:25.260 --> 01:13:26.700
Like this is just too much, right?

1635
01:13:26.700 --> 01:13:28.080
That's a little creepy.

1636
01:13:28.080 --> 01:13:29.540
So you wanna make sure he sees

1637
01:13:29.540 --> 01:13:30.820
about this much of your space.

1638
01:13:30.820 --> 01:13:32.620
So in my home, that's where I do it.

1639
01:13:32.620 --> 01:13:35.820
I don't do it on the bed and I try not to see it.

1640
01:13:35.820 --> 01:13:36.940
Like I try, I'm not gonna do it

1641
01:13:36.940 --> 01:13:39.620
with my kitchen crap behind me, right?

1642
01:13:39.620 --> 01:13:40.780
I'm gonna do it here.

1643
01:13:41.620 --> 01:13:43.380
So that's what I do.

1644
01:13:44.580 --> 01:13:45.420
You wanna pick a spot.

1645
01:13:45.420 --> 01:13:47.080
Cindy, you look good.

1646
01:13:47.080 --> 01:13:48.820
You wanna just make sure you're facing the light.

1647
01:13:48.820 --> 01:13:51.540
Like Aaron D, got good light on your face.

1648
01:13:51.540 --> 01:13:53.220
Karen, you got good light on your face.

1649
01:13:53.220 --> 01:13:54.980
So you wanna just make sure that the light

1650
01:13:54.980 --> 01:13:57.580
is in front of you and not behind you.

1651
01:13:57.580 --> 01:14:00.340
Because if it's behind you, it shadows your face.

1652
01:14:00.340 --> 01:14:02.940
Like Kay, your face is shadowed, right?

1653
01:14:02.940 --> 01:14:04.640
Yep, you can see it.

1654
01:14:04.640 --> 01:14:06.780
So you wanna make sure you're not shadowed.

1655
01:14:07.660 --> 01:14:10.400
So hopefully that answered your question.

1656
01:14:10.400 --> 01:14:12.700
I wasn't sure if you meant like where,

1657
01:14:12.700 --> 01:14:15.020
but I definitely, and here's the thing.

1658
01:14:15.020 --> 01:14:17.220
I think I turned it off.

1659
01:14:17.220 --> 01:14:20.420
I think the new Zoom one took it off,

1660
01:14:20.420 --> 01:14:23.380
but Zoom also has, you guys,

1661
01:14:23.380 --> 01:14:27.540
if you can Google Zoom background pictures

1662
01:14:27.540 --> 01:14:29.780
and you can find like background photos.

1663
01:14:29.780 --> 01:14:32.660
So if you're like, my house is a hot mess express.

1664
01:14:34.660 --> 01:14:36.100
Like right now, Emily,

1665
01:14:36.100 --> 01:14:39.580
I think I see your bag hanging up with your cross.

1666
01:14:39.580 --> 01:14:40.420
Like you might be like,

1667
01:14:40.420 --> 01:14:42.220
I don't want them to see all that stuff.

1668
01:14:42.220 --> 01:14:45.140
So you can Google Zoom backgrounds

1669
01:14:45.140 --> 01:14:48.340
and you can add it to your photo library on Zoom

1670
01:14:48.340 --> 01:14:50.100
and you can put it on as your background.

1671
01:14:50.100 --> 01:14:52.340
So he might think you're just sitting at a picture window

1672
01:14:52.340 --> 01:14:53.540
and it's glorious.

1673
01:14:53.540 --> 01:14:55.620
This way he also doesn't get to know

1674
01:14:55.620 --> 01:14:57.940
your personal belongings in your home.

1675
01:14:57.940 --> 01:15:00.140
So you can do that as well.

1676
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.920
So, that's a great way to do it.

1677
01:15:03.920 --> 01:15:05.620
This is another Rachel.

1678
01:15:05.620 --> 01:15:06.620
Another Rachel.

1679
01:15:06.620 --> 01:15:08.460
So, it just says Rachel over here.

1680
01:15:08.460 --> 01:15:09.460
You are up.

1681
01:15:09.460 --> 01:15:12.940
Did you have your hand up?

1682
01:15:12.940 --> 01:15:13.940
You're still muted, though.

1683
01:15:13.940 --> 01:15:14.940
There I go.

1684
01:15:14.940 --> 01:15:15.940
Sorry.

1685
01:15:15.940 --> 01:15:16.940
Okay.

1686
01:15:16.940 --> 01:15:24.060
So, first of all, this is where I actually sit.

1687
01:15:24.060 --> 01:15:28.820
I mean, I do use another light that hits me from the front.

1688
01:15:29.540 --> 01:15:31.380
Because it's my room.

1689
01:15:31.380 --> 01:15:32.380
Is that okay?

1690
01:15:32.380 --> 01:15:35.380
Are you on your phone?

1691
01:15:35.380 --> 01:15:36.380
iPad.

1692
01:15:36.380 --> 01:15:37.380
Okay.

1693
01:15:37.380 --> 01:15:40.180
Because it's making you very skinny.

1694
01:15:40.180 --> 01:15:41.180
I'm not seeing a lot.

1695
01:15:41.180 --> 01:15:42.180
I'm only seeing your face.

1696
01:15:42.180 --> 01:15:43.180
Yeah.

1697
01:15:43.180 --> 01:15:44.180
So, that's fine.

1698
01:15:44.180 --> 01:15:45.180
Yeah.

1699
01:15:45.180 --> 01:15:48.620
Should I use a computer instead when...

1700
01:15:48.620 --> 01:15:49.820
The only reason why...

1701
01:15:49.820 --> 01:15:50.820
I've done both.

1702
01:15:50.820 --> 01:15:52.900
I've done my phone and my computer.

1703
01:15:52.900 --> 01:15:54.820
I have a little tripod for my phone.

1704
01:15:54.820 --> 01:15:58.620
So, when I use my phone, I try to use the tripod or I prop the phone.

1705
01:15:59.420 --> 01:16:00.420
So, I'm not...

1706
01:16:00.420 --> 01:16:01.420
Yeah.

1707
01:16:01.420 --> 01:16:02.420
I usually have it on a thing.

1708
01:16:02.420 --> 01:16:03.420
But, I mean, this is still locked.

1709
01:16:03.420 --> 01:16:04.420
Yeah.

1710
01:16:04.420 --> 01:16:09.020
You just need to make sure you turn the light behind you off because it's glaring and it's

1711
01:16:09.020 --> 01:16:11.220
blocking me seeing you easily.

1712
01:16:11.220 --> 01:16:13.620
The glare is kind of hurting my eyes just a little bit.

1713
01:16:13.620 --> 01:16:14.620
Okay.

1714
01:16:14.620 --> 01:16:15.620
Yeah.

1715
01:16:15.620 --> 01:16:16.620
I normally use another...

1716
01:16:16.620 --> 01:16:23.100
But, anyways, the actual questions that I had was, I've been having a hard time with

1717
01:16:23.100 --> 01:16:28.140
Zoom for some reason.

1718
01:16:28.660 --> 01:16:29.660
They know how to use Zoom.

1719
01:16:29.660 --> 01:16:36.860
They've used it before, not for dates, but for some reason, they cannot get in with the

1720
01:16:36.860 --> 01:16:37.860
code I send them.

1721
01:16:37.860 --> 01:16:41.180
I don't send them like an email invitation.

1722
01:16:41.180 --> 01:16:49.380
I usually just, you know, because it's on either Facebook dating or Hinge, so I just

1723
01:16:49.380 --> 01:16:52.700
put the number and the password, the ID and the password.

1724
01:16:52.700 --> 01:16:55.940
But, for some reason, they're just having a hard time.

1725
01:16:56.940 --> 01:16:58.300
So do they know how to...

1726
01:16:58.300 --> 01:17:01.660
Because they're probably used to just getting a link.

1727
01:17:01.660 --> 01:17:05.340
So you might have to screenshot for them what it looks like.

1728
01:17:05.340 --> 01:17:06.340
Okay.

1729
01:17:06.340 --> 01:17:12.340
You're going to go to zoom.com and find out if they're coming in from their phone or from

1730
01:17:12.340 --> 01:17:13.700
their web.

1731
01:17:13.700 --> 01:17:15.180
And so that's what you're going to do.

1732
01:17:15.180 --> 01:17:19.300
You're going to go in from your phone or your web and you're going to screenshot the home

1733
01:17:19.300 --> 01:17:21.240
page of Zoom.

1734
01:17:21.240 --> 01:17:24.900
And then you're going to circle where it says, join a meeting.

1735
01:17:24.900 --> 01:17:27.820
And then you're going to show them a screenshot of the next thing where it says, where they

1736
01:17:27.820 --> 01:17:31.280
have to put in their meeting ID and then where you would put the code.

1737
01:17:31.280 --> 01:17:36.020
So that's what I've had to do for some people, a screenshot at each step for them so they

1738
01:17:36.020 --> 01:17:37.020
know what to do.

1739
01:17:37.020 --> 01:17:40.580
Well, because I know one of the guys...

1740
01:17:40.580 --> 01:17:41.580
Google Meet is the same.

1741
01:17:41.580 --> 01:17:43.740
Google Meet is another option.

1742
01:17:43.740 --> 01:17:48.540
But the problem with Google Meet is you're still going to have to do the same thing.

1743
01:17:48.540 --> 01:17:53.020
You're still going to have an ID because you don't want to go in through your Google account

1744
01:17:53.140 --> 01:17:56.140
unless it's a Google number, but that's an option.

1745
01:17:56.140 --> 01:17:58.180
You can copy the link and send it to them.

1746
01:17:58.180 --> 01:18:02.780
Yeah, Sarah, the problem is that she's trying not to send them the link without an email

1747
01:18:02.780 --> 01:18:03.780
address.

1748
01:18:03.780 --> 01:18:05.620
And so if you're only on an app, you can't...

1749
01:18:05.620 --> 01:18:07.340
I've tried to do it on Facebook dating.

1750
01:18:07.340 --> 01:18:08.580
You can't cut and paste it.

1751
01:18:08.580 --> 01:18:09.580
You can't cut and paste.

1752
01:18:09.580 --> 01:18:10.580
Nope.

1753
01:18:10.580 --> 01:18:11.580
It's not a live link.

1754
01:18:11.580 --> 01:18:13.460
I mean, you can, but it's not a live link.

1755
01:18:13.460 --> 01:18:15.780
And so there's still stuff you have to go to.

1756
01:18:15.780 --> 01:18:17.500
But this is my thing, Rachel.

1757
01:18:17.500 --> 01:18:21.860
If he likes me, he's going to figure out how to use that damn thing.

1758
01:18:21.860 --> 01:18:25.940
I might give him some screenshots, but he is probably not my guy if he cannot figure

1759
01:18:25.940 --> 01:18:26.940
out too.

1760
01:18:26.940 --> 01:18:32.660
I mean, at the end of the day, I was like, one of them was like, forget it.

1761
01:18:32.660 --> 01:18:33.660
I was like, oh, okay.

1762
01:18:33.660 --> 01:18:34.660
I apologize.

1763
01:18:34.660 --> 01:18:35.660
Sorry.

1764
01:18:35.660 --> 01:18:36.660
Yep.

1765
01:18:36.660 --> 01:18:37.660
So try and get in touch.

1766
01:18:37.660 --> 01:18:38.660
But Google Meet is another option.

1767
01:18:38.660 --> 01:18:40.700
It's just, it's the same version of that.

1768
01:18:40.700 --> 01:18:41.700
Yeah.

1769
01:18:41.700 --> 01:18:45.020
Now, how long before you...

1770
01:18:45.020 --> 01:18:50.300
So let's say that I'm chatting with a few people.

1771
01:18:50.300 --> 01:18:55.860
How long do I give them, like if they don't respond, like if, you know, like if they didn't

1772
01:18:55.860 --> 01:19:03.660
respond or, you know, we've been going, let's say we chatted a few, a few going back and

1773
01:19:03.660 --> 01:19:08.340
forth and then it's been a couple of days since their last response.

1774
01:19:08.340 --> 01:19:13.020
Is it okay to just block them or what's fair?

1775
01:19:13.020 --> 01:19:17.540
I don't feel the need to block people unless they've been unsafe.

1776
01:19:17.540 --> 01:19:23.660
So usually what I do, if I'm online and I'm talking to it, you know, four or five guys,

1777
01:19:23.660 --> 01:19:24.740
whatever, chit chat.

1778
01:19:24.740 --> 01:19:31.180
And if some guy kind of goes AWOL for a couple of days, I just ignore him and I focus on

1779
01:19:31.180 --> 01:19:32.180
the other guys.

1780
01:19:32.180 --> 01:19:36.980
I actually don't delete guys until like two or three weeks go by.

1781
01:19:36.980 --> 01:19:39.660
And I'm not sitting here hanging and waiting for him.

1782
01:19:39.660 --> 01:19:41.180
It's just like, I put them on pause.

1783
01:19:41.180 --> 01:19:42.620
I put them on the back burner.

1784
01:19:42.620 --> 01:19:47.500
Like, okay, clearly he's either talking to another girl and he's going to see where that

1785
01:19:47.500 --> 01:19:48.500
goes.

1786
01:19:48.500 --> 01:19:49.500
Fine.

1787
01:19:49.500 --> 01:19:50.780
We're just online.

1788
01:19:50.780 --> 01:19:51.780
We're not anything yet.

1789
01:19:51.780 --> 01:19:53.500
He doesn't know me yet.

1790
01:19:53.500 --> 01:19:55.500
Or he went away for business or something.

1791
01:19:55.500 --> 01:19:59.740
So I might wait a week or two and I'll just then close.

1792
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.760
call it delete the conversation.

1793
01:20:01.760 --> 01:20:02.680
I just close it.

1794
01:20:02.680 --> 01:20:03.840
I don't explain it.

1795
01:20:03.840 --> 01:20:04.920
I just close it.

1796
01:20:04.920 --> 01:20:07.220
If I really liked him though,

1797
01:20:07.220 --> 01:20:08.280
I really liked him,

1798
01:20:08.280 --> 01:20:09.820
I might reach out one more time.

1799
01:20:09.820 --> 01:20:12.360
I might say, hey, I haven't heard from you.

1800
01:20:12.360 --> 01:20:13.700
Are you still interested in talking?

1801
01:20:13.700 --> 01:20:15.640
I'd love to get to know you.

1802
01:20:15.640 --> 01:20:17.000
And then if I don't hear from him,

1803
01:20:17.000 --> 01:20:18.400
then I close it out.

1804
01:20:18.400 --> 01:20:21.000
Now, if he says, oh yeah, yeah,

1805
01:20:21.000 --> 01:20:22.720
but then nothing happens,

1806
01:20:22.720 --> 01:20:25.200
I wait a couple of days and then I close it out.

1807
01:20:25.200 --> 01:20:26.480
Like, you know,

1808
01:20:26.480 --> 01:20:28.640
because he was just trying to keep the bench warm.

1809
01:20:28.640 --> 01:20:31.560
And I'm like, no, that's not good for me.

1810
01:20:31.560 --> 01:20:35.840
So I will usually text the basics under a week,

1811
01:20:35.840 --> 01:20:37.120
under week the basics.

1812
01:20:37.120 --> 01:20:38.860
And then I'll say, hey, you know what?

1813
01:20:38.860 --> 01:20:41.420
We're kind of running out of things to say by text.

1814
01:20:41.420 --> 01:20:42.780
We're starting to get to topics

1815
01:20:42.780 --> 01:20:44.780
that are much more appropriate live.

1816
01:20:44.780 --> 01:20:46.760
I'd be up for a video chat.

1817
01:20:46.760 --> 01:20:49.280
Oh yeah, but for a video chat too.

1818
01:20:49.280 --> 01:20:50.120
Awesome.

1819
01:20:50.120 --> 01:20:50.960
When are you free?

1820
01:20:50.960 --> 01:20:52.120
Here are the times and dates.

1821
01:20:52.120 --> 01:20:52.960
I'm free.

1822
01:20:52.960 --> 01:20:53.780
Awesome.

1823
01:20:53.780 --> 01:20:55.880
If he doesn't lock down a video date,

1824
01:20:55.880 --> 01:20:57.880
I don't pressure him again.

1825
01:20:57.920 --> 01:20:59.040
I just leave it be.

1826
01:20:59.040 --> 01:21:01.960
And if a week goes by and I don't hear from him,

1827
01:21:01.960 --> 01:21:03.080
I delete it.

1828
01:21:03.080 --> 01:21:06.280
If three days go by and he doesn't book the video date,

1829
01:21:06.280 --> 01:21:08.580
but he tries to start texting me again,

1830
01:21:08.580 --> 01:21:10.160
I just say, oh, I'm so sorry.

1831
01:21:10.160 --> 01:21:11.680
I'm done texting.

1832
01:21:11.680 --> 01:21:13.640
At this point, I'm ready for a video date.

1833
01:21:13.640 --> 01:21:16.040
If you're not ready for that, that's totally cool.

1834
01:21:16.040 --> 01:21:17.640
You know, we can both move on,

1835
01:21:17.640 --> 01:21:20.340
but I'm here to meet people in real life, not text.

1836
01:21:21.360 --> 01:21:24.040
And that's how I, that's why I stop it.

1837
01:21:24.880 --> 01:21:28.300
Because when we keep texting, they'll keep texting.

1838
01:21:29.360 --> 01:21:30.200
Larissa.

1839
01:21:34.720 --> 01:21:35.560
All right.

1840
01:21:35.560 --> 01:21:36.380
Hi, Renee.

1841
01:21:36.380 --> 01:21:38.120
Hi, beautiful.

1842
01:21:38.120 --> 01:21:39.040
Hi.

1843
01:21:39.040 --> 01:21:41.440
So just to follow up, you know,

1844
01:21:41.440 --> 01:21:44.600
I regarded my in-person date two weekends ago.

1845
01:21:44.600 --> 01:21:48.480
So after the date, right, I didn't initially wanna,

1846
01:21:48.480 --> 01:21:50.360
you know, I was still confused.

1847
01:21:50.360 --> 01:21:53.960
We're trying to figure out, you know, as far as his faith

1848
01:21:54.780 --> 01:21:57.040
and I didn't really like him as much, you know, so,

1849
01:21:57.040 --> 01:21:59.720
but you advised me to let him know

1850
01:21:59.720 --> 01:22:01.600
that I'd like to get to meet him again

1851
01:22:01.600 --> 01:22:04.200
since it was a great date, right?

1852
01:22:04.200 --> 01:22:07.880
So I did send him a text and I told him, you know,

1853
01:22:07.880 --> 01:22:10.840
that I enjoyed myself and I would like to get to

1854
01:22:11.960 --> 01:22:13.400
meet him again.

1855
01:22:13.400 --> 01:22:16.200
So he asked me when I was available.

1856
01:22:16.200 --> 01:22:20.440
So I told him last weekend, but then it so happened,

1857
01:22:20.440 --> 01:22:22.880
he had an event in Dallas

1858
01:22:22.880 --> 01:22:24.760
and he wasn't gonna be available.

1859
01:22:24.760 --> 01:22:27.360
So apparently last weekend and this coming weekend,

1860
01:22:27.360 --> 01:22:30.640
he won't be available and he hasn't brought up anything

1861
01:22:30.640 --> 01:22:31.920
again as far as the date

1862
01:22:31.920 --> 01:22:33.520
or where we're gonna meet again next.

1863
01:22:33.520 --> 01:22:37.160
So I don't know at this point if I should ask him again

1864
01:22:37.160 --> 01:22:39.320
or just leave it like that.

1865
01:22:39.320 --> 01:22:40.160
Nope, you've done it.

1866
01:22:40.160 --> 01:22:42.560
It's on him now to book that next date.

1867
01:22:42.560 --> 01:22:46.260
And so what you can do though, is he still talking to you?

1868
01:22:47.440 --> 01:22:49.240
That was the next thing I was gonna bring up

1869
01:22:49.240 --> 01:22:52.600
cause he came back from Dallas yesterday

1870
01:22:53.320 --> 01:22:55.440
and we didn't get to chat till late at night

1871
01:22:55.440 --> 01:22:56.840
cause he told me he was sleeping.

1872
01:22:56.840 --> 01:22:58.600
So we didn't get to chat during the day,

1873
01:22:58.600 --> 01:23:00.840
not until late around 11 p.m.

1874
01:23:00.840 --> 01:23:03.140
at that time I was getting ready to go to bed.

1875
01:23:06.280 --> 01:23:10.280
So here's what I would say is at this point,

1876
01:23:10.280 --> 01:23:14.160
start letting him lead the tempo of this conversation,

1877
01:23:14.160 --> 01:23:16.280
but don't always be available.

1878
01:23:16.280 --> 01:23:19.560
So if he calls or texts you too late at night,

1879
01:23:19.560 --> 01:23:21.960
don't even feel the pressure to respond.

1880
01:23:22.320 --> 01:23:24.520
You can respond the next morning and just say,

1881
01:23:24.520 --> 01:23:29.200
hey, you know what, got your message, I was already in bed.

1882
01:23:29.200 --> 01:23:32.240
Here's when I'm available to chat today

1883
01:23:32.240 --> 01:23:34.920
or here's when I'm available to chat tomorrow.

1884
01:23:34.920 --> 01:23:37.580
So I try to let them know what my availability is

1885
01:23:37.580 --> 01:23:41.720
and I would really let you at this point lead the way,

1886
01:23:41.720 --> 01:23:44.680
let him lead the conversation.

1887
01:23:44.680 --> 01:23:45.840
And so here's the thing you guys,

1888
01:23:45.840 --> 01:23:47.520
I don't want you to play games with men

1889
01:23:47.520 --> 01:23:49.080
and I don't want you to be rude with men,

1890
01:23:49.080 --> 01:23:52.320
but I don't want you to demand or lead.

1891
01:23:52.320 --> 01:23:55.360
So you can just say, hey, that's not a good time for me.

1892
01:23:55.360 --> 01:23:57.080
Hey, here's a good time for me.

1893
01:23:57.080 --> 01:23:58.940
Those are all drop the hanky moments.

1894
01:23:58.940 --> 01:24:00.560
I'd love to see you again.

1895
01:24:00.560 --> 01:24:02.340
I'd love to chat with you again,

1896
01:24:02.340 --> 01:24:04.240
but you're not booking those next dates

1897
01:24:04.240 --> 01:24:06.240
and you're not booking those next phone calls

1898
01:24:06.240 --> 01:24:09.880
until it's really clear he's really in.

1899
01:24:09.880 --> 01:24:13.040
And so if it's too late when he calls you Larissa

1900
01:24:13.040 --> 01:24:16.600
or texts you, you do not need to respond in that moment.

1901
01:24:17.080 --> 01:24:19.640
Cause I've missed him this morning.

1902
01:24:19.640 --> 01:24:21.920
We did text this morning, but not retexting.

1903
01:24:21.920 --> 01:24:23.400
He did say good morning to me, right?

1904
01:24:23.400 --> 01:24:28.120
And I responded, but till now he hasn't replied my texts

1905
01:24:28.120 --> 01:24:29.160
since morning till now.

1906
01:24:29.160 --> 01:24:31.240
So I'm just like.

1907
01:24:31.240 --> 01:24:32.600
So now you're just going to leave it be

1908
01:24:32.600 --> 01:24:34.520
cause when a guy just says good morning

1909
01:24:34.520 --> 01:24:37.120
and you say good morning back, that is not a conversation.

1910
01:24:37.120 --> 01:24:38.680
I hate the damn good mornings.

1911
01:24:40.040 --> 01:24:43.280
I mean, actually my chat was longer than he,

1912
01:24:43.280 --> 01:24:44.380
cause he just said good morning.

1913
01:24:44.380 --> 01:24:45.680
Then I said, good morning.

1914
01:24:45.680 --> 01:24:46.520
How did you sleep?

1915
01:24:47.360 --> 01:24:48.200
How was your trip?

1916
01:24:48.200 --> 01:24:49.200
Oh no girl.

1917
01:24:49.200 --> 01:24:54.200
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's okay.

1918
01:24:56.960 --> 01:24:58.600
That's why we're practicing.

1919
01:24:58.600 --> 01:25:00.000
That's why we're practicing.

1920
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.360
Just say, oh, good morning. Hope you're doing well. So you might add a little bit more,

1921
01:25:06.480 --> 01:25:12.880
but that's it. To me, a good morning is a half-assed attempt at starting the conversation.

1922
01:25:12.880 --> 01:25:20.480
Sorry, guys, I shouldn't really watch what I say. But he's not really engaging, so I don't

1923
01:25:20.480 --> 01:25:25.280
want you to drive the engagement. Hey, good morning. Hope you're doing well. Leave it at that.

1924
01:25:26.160 --> 01:25:31.840
Let him lead. Let him ask you stuff, especially if you guys have already been out. You guys have

1925
01:25:31.840 --> 01:25:37.280
already been out on a date. He needs to drive this relationship. And that's good for all of

1926
01:25:37.280 --> 01:25:41.760
you guys. So do you guys kind of get the difference between dropping the hanky,

1927
01:25:42.320 --> 01:25:47.440
being clear when you're interested, but not driving the relationship? Do you see that dance?

1928
01:25:47.440 --> 01:25:52.160
It's like the West Coast swing. It's kind of a dance, back and forth. Rachel, do you have

1929
01:25:52.160 --> 01:25:58.240
another question? Your hand's back up, or maybe you never took it down. I can't remember.

1930
01:25:58.880 --> 01:25:59.600
Thank you, Renee.

1931
01:26:00.160 --> 01:26:02.560
You bet, sweetie. Keep us posted.

1932
01:26:05.920 --> 01:26:15.200
All right. Are we done? Is everybody done? Okay. 8, 27, 9, 27, 5, 27 for some of you. This is

1933
01:26:15.200 --> 01:26:20.800
good. 90 minutes. All right, you guys. I'm really excited. So if this is your first time, yay. This

1934
01:26:20.800 --> 01:26:26.160
is what we do here. We have fun. We talk about good stuff. You don't just have to ask dating

1935
01:26:26.160 --> 01:26:31.520
questions. You can say, hey, Renee, this was said during the dating 101 video, or this was said

1936
01:26:31.520 --> 01:26:36.080
during online dating, or this was said during boundaries. No one ever asks me questions about

1937
01:26:36.080 --> 01:26:41.360
boundaries. That's really my favorite topic to talk about. So if you are a people pleaser,

1938
01:26:41.360 --> 01:26:46.000
you fall in the victim trap, you've been stuck with controllers, and you ever want to deal with

1939
01:26:46.000 --> 01:26:52.160
boundaries, know that I love talking about that stuff. Sarah notes, I've missed your face,

1940
01:26:52.160 --> 01:26:58.560
girl. So glad to have you back. I missed you, girl. When do I find info on single cities?

1941
01:26:59.440 --> 01:27:03.840
Okay. So actually the single cities, no, single cities should be available to you right now.

1942
01:27:03.840 --> 01:27:10.960
I want to say they're guide eight or nine on that Facebook page. So go to the guide section

1943
01:27:10.960 --> 01:27:17.200
of your Facebook page and just scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll until you get all the way to the

1944
01:27:17.200 --> 01:27:22.640
bottom. And it has all the single cities. I will tell you, Facebook hates us right now, and not all

1945
01:27:22.640 --> 01:27:27.280
the links are working. So once you find the name of the city that you're looking for, say it's

1946
01:27:27.280 --> 01:27:32.880
single city Nashville, then if that link is not working, go to the search bar and just type in

1947
01:27:32.880 --> 01:27:37.680
single city Nashville, and it's going to get you to the page. And then Jackie is the one that's

1948
01:27:37.680 --> 01:27:43.280
approving everybody in the page. I will tell you guys, we're super close getting everybody into the

1949
01:27:43.280 --> 01:27:49.440
app. I'm hoping by next week, we have all the volunteers and the men in the app. And by next

1950
01:27:49.440 --> 01:27:54.400
week, I think we're going to get in all of phase three and let the shit hit the fan. I mean, I

1951
01:27:54.400 --> 01:28:00.160
don't know when hell the women get in phase three. And so as soon as you guys are ready to move out

1952
01:28:00.160 --> 01:28:06.560
of phase two, hopefully we'll move you into phase three. And we've created one main group that has

1953
01:28:06.560 --> 01:28:12.480
all the men and all the women together in that group. So that will also be fun for you to meet

1954
01:28:12.480 --> 01:28:18.320
folks that way too. I did single city Dallas because I go there... Oh yeah, there you go.

1955
01:28:19.600 --> 01:28:23.440
Watching the... That's where I am at now, watching the boundary visual. Rachel, I can't wait to hear

1956
01:28:23.440 --> 01:28:27.040
what you think about it. With the app, will we not use Zoom anymore? No, we will use Zoom.

1957
01:28:29.360 --> 01:28:33.920
Here's what the app is going to do. The app is going to replace Facebook and the portal that

1958
01:28:33.920 --> 01:28:38.560
you currently like. So right now, all your content is at the Jackie Dorman website portal

1959
01:28:38.560 --> 01:28:45.200
and all this community, all the posts are in Facebook. This is going to merge all of that

1960
01:28:45.200 --> 01:28:54.720
together. I'll get you excited here. So no, it's too small. So basically you're going to be in a

1961
01:28:54.720 --> 01:29:00.080
group and you're going to see the content in one column, the links to all the Zoom, the video

1962
01:29:00.080 --> 01:29:04.320
sessions. But the good news is you don't have to like, where's the link? Where's the link? It won't

1963
01:29:04.320 --> 01:29:08.320
matter. It's just a button. It's going to say, it's going to have the whole calendar and it's

1964
01:29:08.320 --> 01:29:14.560
going to say prayer, check-in, faith Friday. And all you're going to have to do is just tap on it

1965
01:29:14.560 --> 01:29:22.000
and it's going to open up the Zoom right from there. So there you go. It's going to be so

1966
01:29:22.000 --> 01:29:26.720
exciting. The single city for Atlanta seems outdated. Yeah, some of them, I will say this,

1967
01:29:26.720 --> 01:29:32.480
you guys, some of the single cities are less active than others. There's a lot of events going

1968
01:29:32.480 --> 01:29:38.800
on this year. My suspicion is as Jackie starts doing all of these outside of events, some of

1969
01:29:38.800 --> 01:29:44.000
those single cities will start to get more vibrant. And then also remember you guys, the dating app is

1970
01:29:44.000 --> 01:29:51.040
coming out in like June or July. So once you've been in the program, I think six months, she's

1971
01:29:51.040 --> 01:29:59.840
going to have men and women in the community dating app. And so Tasha, which single city are

1972
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:09.360
trying to get in. Yeah. You guys. The Facebook group that Jackie Dorman manages. I went in.

1973
01:30:09.360 --> 01:30:15.120
Which one, sweetie? Which city? No, it just says single city. It didn't have a single

1974
01:30:15.120 --> 01:30:18.560
city nation or something. It didn't have a particular city.

1975
01:30:18.560 --> 01:30:23.760
Single nation is she's not doing that. And so the single nation on Facebook is not activated

1976
01:30:23.760 --> 01:30:28.680
anymore. It's old. And so it's because we're getting ready to move everybody into the app

1977
01:30:28.680 --> 01:30:37.960
and on the dating app. So the single cities are still active. Some cities are more active

1978
01:30:37.960 --> 01:30:44.200
than others like Dallas, Austin, the Florida one, the New York one, Redding, California,

1979
01:30:44.200 --> 01:30:50.480
the Southern California, all very, very active and doing a lot of stuff. Okay. So if the

1980
01:30:50.480 --> 01:30:57.080
link is not working, Martha, go to the search bar and, and go to the search bar and type

1981
01:30:57.080 --> 01:31:02.600
in single city, Los Angeles, and that should take you to the page. And then you'll just

1982
01:31:02.600 --> 01:31:08.800
click on the page manually. That's what I was saying before. There you go. All right,

1983
01:31:08.800 --> 01:31:13.260
you guys, this was so much fun. I enjoyed being here with you. Make sure you answer

1984
01:31:13.260 --> 01:31:18.260
how you are doing in the roll call. That's how we determine what we talk about each week.

1985
01:31:18.260 --> 01:31:23.760
And also share your highs, lows, and all of your questions, comments from the videos in

1986
01:31:23.760 --> 01:31:28.440
the newsfeed. It helps everybody. And again, it lets us know what is top of your mind that

1987
01:31:28.440 --> 01:31:33.800
we need to be talking about each week. So go forth, have an amazing week and be fabulous.

1988
01:31:33.800 --> 01:31:35.320
And I'll see you again next week.