WEBVTT

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and see how many of you are new to Phase 2. This might be your first live session.

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Good. Okay, Jenna, this is your first week, first live. I see a lot of familiar faces.

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Good stuff. Isabel, this is your first live, your new-ish. Heather, you've been to one other one.

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Good. So you're getting the feel for it, ladies. So yes, welcome. This is Phase 2. We have our

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weekly Tuesday calls. We will always have them at 1 o'clock Eastern, and then we also have them

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at 8 o'clock Eastern. But tonight, it's a special sneak peek. You guys will get invited to sit in

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the love seats with Jackie. So it'll be this. You guys will go in Phase 2, and then you'll be with

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the Phase 3 people as well. So that will be exciting. Both of those, this session and

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tonight will be recorded, so it will be in replay. So yeah, if you are new, just remember,

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your goal is to watch one video a week and just process through that one video. Lots of content,

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they're about an hour long. If you have to space that out, totally fine. A lot of people like

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myself, I've had to watch a video and then go back and do a replay as well. So that is always,

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just do what works best for you, okay? I know some ladies like to watch all of the videos and

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then go back and process one video a week. So you just figure out what works best for you.

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We want to make sure that you are just absorbing the information from one video a week and really

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processing through that. Maybe meditate on it, pray about it, take a journal about it. What's

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God highlighting to you to focus with some of that content in that week and putting that stuff

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into practice. So whether you dove onto dating and you're starting to meet people, and there's

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things that you want to apply with in dating, do that. If you're still kind of waiting for the

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right time and kind of just taking a week or two to process whether or not you jump into dating,

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there's other things that you can be practicing, okay? So just make sure that you're doing that.

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And then we also ask that you're also posting in our Facebook group. So, and it can be about

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all different types of things. It can be about things that you're going through with the heart

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work, because as many of you are probably learning, heart work is something that will continue.

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There's always going to be areas of upgrade. It's kind of like an onion. You peel back the

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layers of the onion and there's just something new that is revealed. So you might be experiencing

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some revealing for healings and you need to come to the group and share that, get some additional

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encouragement or coaching, do that there. Maybe you are having some praise reports and some

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breakthroughs and you want to celebrate that. We want to celebrate that with you.

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So share those things with us as well as your dating interactions. This is huge. I've

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seen sometimes what happens is that ladies are dating and then they don't share what's

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happening. And then like weeks down the road, it's kind of like, this is happening. So

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just feel free to share kind of what you're experiencing with that dating, what you like

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about the person, what, you know, maybe some things that you're noticing that you're not sure are,

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you know, yellow flags or green flags, red flags, just be sharing those types of things with us

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as well. And then any questions that you have. So make sure you're putting that all in the Facebook

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post on our group. If you haven't watched any of the Supernatural Saturdays,

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definitely check those out. Jackie and Bethany do an awesome job. There's always just so much

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good stuff that comes through there. I know this weekend, Jackie talked a lot about,

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and I saw a lot of you ladies even post the thing with not one can, one cannot, but two can,

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and then talking about the two can bird. And so many of you guys had this God confirmation

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of things that showed up. And so that's always really, really cool. And breakthroughs happen

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on Supernatural Saturday. There's a reason it's called Supernatural Saturday. Some supernatural

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things definitely happen. So definitely make sure if you can't be there on Saturday,

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always catch the replays. Good, good stuff is always there. Jackie also talked about,

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I think, focusing on expansion and what God is expanding in your life. So this isn't just

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dating stuff, like this is other areas in your life too. So we want to make sure that you are

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focusing on that, and then not to compare your story

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to anybody else's.

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Like we all have our own journeys.

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God's gonna take us through what we need to grow in

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and he's gonna do it lovingly.

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And so we can't sit and judge our story

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and what's going on in our life

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to the person next to us, okay?

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So just keep that in mind.

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Are there videos in phase three or check-in?

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So Maria, there are different types of sessions

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for phase three.

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Now, I don't believe that we do weekly stuff,

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but there's always like loveseat,

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there's all sorts of teachings and things like that

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that will just, it's a lot of fun.

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There's a lot of really good things.

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So ladies, once you finish phase two coursework,

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which typically takes about four to five weeks,

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then once you've completed all the videos,

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you've done that, then you get invited

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to continue on to phase three

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and lots of really good things will happen there as well.

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So hopefully that answers your question.

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Let's see, for those of you that don't know me,

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I am Carla Johnson.

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I know that some of you are new,

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or maybe this is your first time coming in at one o'clock.

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I am a success story.

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I joined Jackie's group in late of 2020,

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and it took me a couple years, a lot of work,

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a lot of things that God had to reveal,

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but eventually after a little bit over two years,

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excuse me, I met my spirit mate

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and we got married in September of 2023.

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So I am a success story.

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So I have been in the seat that you're in.

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I had to experience all the growing and the learning,

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the hard work, all of that stuff.

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So I'm one of your coaches here in phase two,

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so you'll see me replying and responding to your post

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and also doing this one o'clock call with you, okay?

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Awesome.

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I think we got all that good stuff out of the way.

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All right, so for today,

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I'm gonna try to be as brief as possible

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because I always find it's really nice

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to hear what's going on in your ladies' lives

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and what questions you have.

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And I think a lot of times it just allows us

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to unpack a lot of the stuff that's happening.

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And I think we really gleaned from situations

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that you all are experiencing,

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because if you're experiencing,

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chances are someone else is probably going

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through the same thing or needs to hear

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what you're going through, what outcomes you're having,

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what breakthroughs you're having, maybe what struggles.

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So it's always really, really helpful

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to get vulnerable and share.

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So I'm gonna try to get through some of this stuff

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pretty quickly so we can kind of just open the floor

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because I wanna hear from you ladies.

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All right, so one thing that I've been noticing

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in the group is that we're jumping on online dating,

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which is awesome, okay?

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Like I had to do online dating as well.

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I did Facebook dating.

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I had done online dating before this program.

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That's where I met my youngest, my son's father.

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So I get some of the stuff that we go through

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with online dating.

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And then when I got in this program,

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I was a little reluctant to jump online, but I did it.

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And I did Facebook dating.

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And so it's great.

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It's a great tool to kind of get practice.

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Lots of people will meet people online.

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Some people don't.

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You just never know how God is gonna just bring you

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your spirit mate, right?

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Like we like to think we know how we want it to happen,

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but typically God doesn't show up like that.

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Like that's what happened with me.

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So just remember that online dating is an awesome tool,

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but it's not the only way that y'all can meet, okay?

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Meet people.

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So let's be thinking of some alternative ways

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to meet men just besides the app.

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So some things like meetups.

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Like if you go to like meetup.com,

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you can look at your area and find groups

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that share some of your similar interests.

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So maybe like you're into bowling or hiking or book clubs,

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or I'm trying to think concerts, all sorts of things.

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So it helps connect you with people

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that have similar interests.

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So I would suggest doing that.

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Volunteering in your community is huge,

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whether it's at your church

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or just some other areas in your community.

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Maybe if you love kids, like, I mean, I know it's summer now,

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but maybe there's like a school that needs help

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or something like that.

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Because here's the thing,

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you may do something like volunteer or do a meetup

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and you might meet someone else

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that might not be your spirit mate,

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but they're gonna connect.

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connect you to your spirit mate.

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So sometimes it's all about just building relationships

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with people in general, whether it's men or women,

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and it's building relationship.

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God created us for relationship, right?

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So let's put that into practice.

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Let's get comfortable with talking to strangers,

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getting to know people, finding interest,

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connecting with people,

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because you never know how that will link

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to your spirit mate.

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I actually met my husband through one of my sisters

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here in this community.

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She didn't know him, but she saw his profile

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and was like, hey, what do you think about this guy?

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She reached out to him, not me.

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Was like, hey, you need to meet my friend.

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And then she kind of ghosted him

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because she was busy being a travel nurse

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and she was moving.

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But he like went out on a limb and he reached out to me.

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Like, he's like, am I supposed to like wait

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for this lady to connect me,

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or I'm just gonna go ahead

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and just look like a crazy person.

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And he did, so thankful for that.

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But you just never know how God

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is going to write your story, all right?

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So don't just focus on the online dating,

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find other ways, like do a combination.

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Also, I want to emphasize,

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I know we get really discouraged sometimes

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with online dating, but here's the thing.

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Most of these men don't have a program like we have, right?

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Like we're getting coaching.

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We're here to coach you through the dating process.

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Most of these guys don't have that.

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We kind of sometimes hit roadblocks

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and frustration points, totally get it.

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I can't tell you the countless guys

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that I interacted with and I'm like, gosh, don't get it.

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We want to practice grace,

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but we also don't want to give up on the app

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just because we joined an app in a week or two,

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we're not getting the results that we hoped for.

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Like give it some time.

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I think Jackie even mentions in one of our videos

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for phase two is really give it probably close

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to three months on an app.

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Now, if you are just after a month or so,

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you're kind of finding like this may not be the app for you.

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You're not getting connected with maybe people

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in your demographic or in your area.

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You can always try one or two others

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and see which one's a better fit.

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But ladies, I did Facebook dating

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and I had weeks where it was a drought

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and it was frustrating and it was discouraging

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or I'd meet guys and they were just not,

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those were when we say it's a yes until it's a no,

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like a lot of these guys were just nos right off the bat.

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And so it would get discouraging, but I just stuck with it.

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I did what I could do.

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I didn't work it like a job.

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I really did try to fill my time with other things.

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Now, it helped that I was a single mom

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because I had a busy life, but I still made time for it.

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And I had a schedule time sometimes for it as well.

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But then there'd be weeks where it was like a flood

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where I was getting all sorts of messages,

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asked out on dates, setting up video calls

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and doing that kind of stuff.

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So keep that in mind.

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But again, like I said before, I'm just gonna reiterate,

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don't use online apps as your only source for getting out.

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Start making connections with people.

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Now, I joined this community in 2020.

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We all know how that was.

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So it was a little harder,

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but eventually the world kind of started opening up

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and I had to find ways to get myself out there

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and it really did help.

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So lots of other things you can do is take up lessons.

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Maybe you wanted to learn how to golf.

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Maybe you wanna do a cooking class.

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Going to concert, like this is summertime

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where a lot of people will,

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there's a lot of events around towns,

245
00:13:58.040 --> 00:14:02.240
like in parks and town centers and things like that.

246
00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:05.400
So find events in your area.

247
00:14:05.400 --> 00:14:07.560
And a lot of times you just do a Google search

248
00:14:07.560 --> 00:14:08.760
if what's going on.

249
00:14:08.760 --> 00:14:10.520
Facebook has a lot of that.

250
00:14:10.520 --> 00:14:14.120
Like I'll click on events to see what's going on in my area

251
00:14:14.120 --> 00:14:16.360
because I'm still pretty new to the area

252
00:14:16.360 --> 00:14:19.080
that I live here with my husband.

253
00:14:20.080 --> 00:14:21.720
So those are things to do.

254
00:14:22.640 --> 00:14:24.000
And again, like I said, it's summer.

255
00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:25.440
So do things that you love,

256
00:14:25.440 --> 00:14:28.000
like take time to take care of you.

257
00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:30.800
All the focus does not have to be on dating.

258
00:14:30.800 --> 00:14:33.800
God really does wanna expand your life and upgrade.

259
00:14:33.800 --> 00:14:37.040
So what are things that can add value to your life?

260
00:14:38.000 --> 00:14:41.480
I know someone had mentioned in the chats

261
00:14:42.560 --> 00:14:47.000
where they were just like struggling

262
00:14:47.520 --> 00:14:50.240
at finding time and knowing what was fun

263
00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:53.080
because they didn't really take time to do that.

264
00:14:53.080 --> 00:14:55.840
And I related to that because I was a single mom.

265
00:14:55.840 --> 00:14:58.440
And when people ask me like what kinds of things

266
00:14:58.440 --> 00:15:00.040
they wanna do for fun.

267
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:01.920
I look like a deer in headlights.

268
00:15:01.920 --> 00:15:03.400
And when I first started this program,

269
00:15:03.400 --> 00:15:05.120
when I was asked, like, what do you do for fun?

270
00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:08.320
And I'm like, I don't do anything.

271
00:15:08.320 --> 00:15:09.900
My life is my kid.

272
00:15:11.360 --> 00:15:12.240
And so it was hard.

273
00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:15.400
And I really had to start taking time for myself,

274
00:15:17.000 --> 00:15:20.480
letting my son go with friends and setting play dates

275
00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:22.240
where he could go over to friends' houses

276
00:15:22.240 --> 00:15:24.960
and going out and just doing things by myself

277
00:15:24.960 --> 00:15:27.120
or connecting with a friend

278
00:15:27.120 --> 00:15:29.540
and doing things with them without my child.

279
00:15:29.540 --> 00:15:33.340
So I could start learning what things I enjoy.

280
00:15:33.340 --> 00:15:35.860
So a lot of, for me, it was going to concert.

281
00:15:35.860 --> 00:15:38.020
I love Christian music.

282
00:15:38.020 --> 00:15:40.620
So that was always huge.

283
00:15:40.620 --> 00:15:42.460
I would find friends that wanted to do that

284
00:15:42.460 --> 00:15:46.460
and you couldn't take a toddler to concerts, you know?

285
00:15:46.460 --> 00:15:50.340
It forced me to have to get out and do that.

286
00:15:50.340 --> 00:15:53.140
And then just going to farmer's markets and getting out.

287
00:15:53.140 --> 00:15:55.180
I lived in Florida, so I lived by the beach.

288
00:15:55.180 --> 00:15:57.740
So sometimes it was just taking a friend and saying,

289
00:15:57.740 --> 00:16:01.140
hey, let's leave our kids with so-and-so

290
00:16:01.140 --> 00:16:03.460
and let's go to the beach together and just hang out.

291
00:16:03.460 --> 00:16:08.460
So those are things like get comfortable

292
00:16:09.300 --> 00:16:11.140
with finding things that you enjoy

293
00:16:11.140 --> 00:16:12.980
that doesn't always revolve around dating

294
00:16:12.980 --> 00:16:14.140
because you never know

295
00:16:14.140 --> 00:16:16.980
where you can connect with your spirit mate.

296
00:16:18.820 --> 00:16:21.460
And the last thing I want to touch on

297
00:16:21.460 --> 00:16:26.460
before we open the floor here for you all is the process

298
00:16:26.700 --> 00:16:29.060
and having the right attitude in this process.

299
00:16:29.060 --> 00:16:31.620
Ladies, it is going to look different.

300
00:16:31.620 --> 00:16:34.180
We're gonna get uncomfortable.

301
00:16:34.180 --> 00:16:36.780
I remember God specifically told me

302
00:16:36.780 --> 00:16:39.260
get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

303
00:16:39.260 --> 00:16:40.980
And I'm still living it.

304
00:16:40.980 --> 00:16:42.660
I'm married and I'm still living

305
00:16:42.660 --> 00:16:45.660
with having to sometimes get uncomfortable

306
00:16:45.660 --> 00:16:48.300
because it's the area of upgrade.

307
00:16:48.300 --> 00:16:50.220
So it's doing things differently

308
00:16:50.220 --> 00:16:51.940
and it's having the right attitude

309
00:16:51.940 --> 00:16:55.340
and being willing to be teachable and coachable

310
00:16:55.380 --> 00:16:57.420
and trying new things.

311
00:16:57.420 --> 00:16:59.380
God really does want to reveal

312
00:16:59.380 --> 00:17:01.380
some really awesome upgrades for you.

313
00:17:01.380 --> 00:17:05.900
And so sometimes it's just having that right mindset.

314
00:17:05.900 --> 00:17:09.060
So when it's discouraging,

315
00:17:09.060 --> 00:17:11.180
when you don't feel like things are moving

316
00:17:11.180 --> 00:17:13.380
in the way that you want them to,

317
00:17:14.740 --> 00:17:17.540
it could take a few days or a few weeks.

318
00:17:17.540 --> 00:17:18.940
I'm not saying for all of you,

319
00:17:18.940 --> 00:17:22.180
it's gonna take two years like it did for me.

320
00:17:22.180 --> 00:17:24.579
I know that no one wants to hear like two years,

321
00:17:24.619 --> 00:17:25.940
you don't have to wait two years.

322
00:17:25.940 --> 00:17:28.620
But I will tell you there was so much growth

323
00:17:28.620 --> 00:17:32.540
in those two years before God brought me my husband.

324
00:17:32.540 --> 00:17:35.580
And so just be open to having that mindset

325
00:17:35.580 --> 00:17:38.740
that God is gonna do some really incredible things.

326
00:17:38.740 --> 00:17:41.580
We just have to be open to those.

327
00:17:41.580 --> 00:17:43.180
Look for the wins in your life.

328
00:17:43.180 --> 00:17:44.860
What things are going well?

329
00:17:44.860 --> 00:17:47.540
Like it might not be dating at this moment.

330
00:17:47.540 --> 00:17:49.340
Maybe you're getting some debts,

331
00:17:49.340 --> 00:17:52.660
but what things is God revealing to you that is a win?

332
00:17:52.660 --> 00:17:54.340
Maybe it has to do with your job.

333
00:17:55.100 --> 00:17:56.620
Maybe it has to do with relationships

334
00:17:56.620 --> 00:17:58.420
with your family or friends.

335
00:17:58.420 --> 00:17:59.860
Maybe it's if you're a parent,

336
00:17:59.860 --> 00:18:01.580
maybe it's the relationships

337
00:18:01.580 --> 00:18:03.740
that you have with your children.

338
00:18:03.740 --> 00:18:05.900
Maybe it's the fact that you're winning

339
00:18:05.900 --> 00:18:08.580
because now you are learning to have more fun

340
00:18:08.580 --> 00:18:10.660
and you're finding things that you like.

341
00:18:10.660 --> 00:18:14.060
Those can be all great things to celebrate.

342
00:18:14.060 --> 00:18:18.180
And so just keep focused on what's going on in your life

343
00:18:18.180 --> 00:18:20.940
and just trust that God will take care

344
00:18:20.940 --> 00:18:22.780
of the outcome for you.

345
00:18:22.780 --> 00:18:26.140
And just again, not compare yourself with others.

346
00:18:26.140 --> 00:18:28.740
So with all that being said,

347
00:18:28.740 --> 00:18:31.060
let's go ahead and open the floor up.

348
00:18:31.060 --> 00:18:33.980
I wanna hear like what's going on in your life.

349
00:18:33.980 --> 00:18:35.620
If you have celebrated,

350
00:18:35.620 --> 00:18:38.500
like wanna celebrate some wins and some successes,

351
00:18:38.500 --> 00:18:40.820
like what God's revealing to you.

352
00:18:40.820 --> 00:18:44.860
If you have questions, if you have dating scenarios,

353
00:18:44.860 --> 00:18:48.820
I will do my best to help you along with that.

354
00:18:48.820 --> 00:18:50.020
And if I don't know,

355
00:18:50.020 --> 00:18:54.540
we can always kind of process and see what unfolds.

356
00:18:54.540 --> 00:18:58.100
So, all right, ladies, who wants to go first?

357
00:19:00.020 --> 00:19:01.180
Maria, you're unmuted.

358
00:19:01.180 --> 00:19:03.060
Do you wanna go?

359
00:19:03.060 --> 00:19:04.060
Sure.

360
00:19:04.060 --> 00:19:04.900
Awesome.

361
00:19:04.900 --> 00:19:08.100
So I just wanna give an update

362
00:19:08.100 --> 00:19:13.100
about what's going on in my relationship with Andrew.

363
00:19:13.460 --> 00:19:15.620
So a couple of weeks ago,

364
00:19:15.620 --> 00:19:17.340
I had come on here

365
00:19:17.340 --> 00:19:20.980
and I had talked about how he had told me

366
00:19:20.980 --> 00:19:23.340
he had a sex addiction

367
00:19:23.340 --> 00:19:27.980
and I had encouraged him to go on the men's retreat

368
00:19:29.140 --> 00:19:32.260
for my church, the church men's retreat.

369
00:19:32.260 --> 00:19:37.260
And he had become friends with the youth pastor

370
00:19:37.580 --> 00:19:39.740
and one of our pastors there.

371
00:19:39.740 --> 00:19:41.900
And he did end up going on this retreat

372
00:19:41.900 --> 00:19:44.340
and he said it was really good.

373
00:19:44.340 --> 00:19:48.140
And he ended up joining like an accountability group

374
00:19:48.140 --> 00:19:50.140
that they developed.

375
00:19:50.140 --> 00:19:51.700
So a WhatsApp group.

376
00:19:51.700 --> 00:19:54.380
So he, I guess, messages them a lot.

377
00:19:54.380 --> 00:19:56.860
So he talks to like, they all like talk to each other

378
00:19:56.860 --> 00:19:59.660
about like the struggles that they're going through.

379
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:09.080
Um, so, um, so yeah, so I mean, so he did follow up with that, and he, she shared other

380
00:20:09.080 --> 00:20:11.440
things with me since then.

381
00:20:11.440 --> 00:20:18.440
And I guess, I don't know, for whatever reason, um, like, I'm not stressed out about it like

382
00:20:18.440 --> 00:20:27.600
I was initially, like, I feel like he is, um, working on, you know, his stuff.

383
00:20:27.600 --> 00:20:31.040
And he's, you know, very good to me.

384
00:20:31.040 --> 00:20:38.400
He's kind and everything, and my dad liked him, um, and, I mean, he does have some things

385
00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:49.520
that concern me, and, uh, like, like, for example, we went to a, um, we went to visit

386
00:20:49.520 --> 00:20:53.720
this church of Pastor Jonathan Kahn, I don't know if you've ever heard of him.

387
00:20:53.720 --> 00:20:59.560
He wrote the book, The Harbinger, and they recently made it into a film a couple years

388
00:20:59.560 --> 00:21:00.560
ago.

389
00:21:00.560 --> 00:21:03.000
So we went to that church to go visit him.

390
00:21:03.000 --> 00:21:07.720
And I ran into a woman that I'm friendly with.

391
00:21:07.720 --> 00:21:13.600
Um, God always puts her in my path, and I just, I find her very funny because she's

392
00:21:13.600 --> 00:21:16.560
just kind of odd and wacky.

393
00:21:16.560 --> 00:21:21.360
And, um, and I just try to, like, show her love, you know, because, you know, we're supposed

394
00:21:21.360 --> 00:21:27.240
to love people, even if, you know, even if we don't necessarily like them, you know.

395
00:21:27.240 --> 00:21:33.240
And, um, and, and I invited her to come out to eat with us afterwards with, uh, my dad

396
00:21:33.240 --> 00:21:34.240
and Andrew.

397
00:21:34.240 --> 00:21:41.040
And, you know, they were, and she brought her girlfriend, so it was like her and somebody

398
00:21:41.040 --> 00:21:44.280
else who was, like, a little off as well.

399
00:21:44.280 --> 00:21:49.280
And, um, you know, they were, like, kind of hemming and hawing with the menu.

400
00:21:49.280 --> 00:21:53.840
And Andrew was like, you know, don't worry, you know, I'll, you know, I'll cover you guys.

401
00:21:53.840 --> 00:21:57.280
And, but my friend was like, oh, are you sure?

402
00:21:57.280 --> 00:22:01.080
And then she was like, looking at the prices and she was like, and this, this was annoying

403
00:22:01.080 --> 00:22:02.080
him.

404
00:22:02.080 --> 00:22:06.960
So he, like, excused himself and he said he got up and he made, said a prayer and he came

405
00:22:06.960 --> 00:22:09.840
back and like, he was like, but you could, he was aggravated.

406
00:22:09.840 --> 00:22:10.840
Right.

407
00:22:10.840 --> 00:22:15.720
So I was kind of distressed because this was happening in front of my dad.

408
00:22:15.720 --> 00:22:25.240
And, but my dad like kind of, you know, commiserated with him and he like, my dad was like, you

409
00:22:25.240 --> 00:22:26.320
know, they're horrible.

410
00:22:26.320 --> 00:22:28.880
Like I understand why he was upset.

411
00:22:28.880 --> 00:22:33.440
So, so yeah, so my dad liked him, like, uh, you know, I, I would have thought that that

412
00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:38.880
would have been like, oh, he has an anger problem or whatever, but no, he, you know, he like

413
00:22:38.880 --> 00:22:39.880
understood it.

414
00:22:39.880 --> 00:22:44.720
I mean, I, I, I do wish he had like a little bit more patience, you know, cause I have

415
00:22:44.720 --> 00:22:51.520
a lot of patients and, uh, that's probably why, you know, I, you know, I work in mental

416
00:22:51.520 --> 00:22:57.520
health and whatever, cause I, you know, I do have those gifts and he doesn't, you know?

417
00:22:57.520 --> 00:23:00.920
And so he seems to get exasperated pretty easily.

418
00:23:00.920 --> 00:23:07.040
Um, and he knows that he needs to work on that and, um, you know, I am a little bit

419
00:23:07.040 --> 00:23:08.920
worried about like social things.

420
00:23:08.920 --> 00:23:13.720
Like I had asked him about, um, our meetup group is going to be doing a trip to New Hampshire

421
00:23:13.720 --> 00:23:14.720
in the summer.

422
00:23:14.720 --> 00:23:19.480
And I asked him if he would want to go and he doesn't want to go because he feels like

423
00:23:19.480 --> 00:23:24.680
six days with these people, they'll get aggravated and, and I was like, well, so you won't have

424
00:23:24.680 --> 00:23:26.760
an issue if I go, he's like, no.

425
00:23:26.760 --> 00:23:32.600
So I mean, you know, I guess I can do stuff without him, but, um, you know, he, it seems

426
00:23:32.600 --> 00:23:39.440
like he avoids situations so he doesn't, uh, you know, get upset.

427
00:23:39.440 --> 00:23:46.040
So, um, yeah, so those are like, yeah, no, go ahead.

428
00:23:46.040 --> 00:23:47.040
Yeah.

429
00:23:47.040 --> 00:23:50.280
So that's, so that's like the one thing that I'm a little bit concerned about, but I do

430
00:23:50.280 --> 00:23:56.600
see him like, you know, doing, doing things to try to work on himself and improve himself

431
00:23:56.600 --> 00:24:00.200
and, um, you know, and of course nobody's perfect.

432
00:24:00.200 --> 00:24:01.200
Right.

433
00:24:01.200 --> 00:24:07.400
I mean, you know, but it would be nice if he felt like a little bit more like, uh, more

434
00:24:07.400 --> 00:24:11.240
in control of his reactions with people, you know?

435
00:24:11.240 --> 00:24:17.520
So, so let me, let me ask you, like, how often have you noticed that he doesn't have patience

436
00:24:17.520 --> 00:24:18.520
with you?

437
00:24:18.520 --> 00:24:20.920
Is this like something that's frequent?

438
00:24:20.920 --> 00:24:24.120
Um, not, not with me so much.

439
00:24:24.120 --> 00:24:29.120
It did happen one time when I was late and I was going to end it right there.

440
00:24:29.120 --> 00:24:35.760
Cause I was just like, I'm not going to be like, you know, just like his impatience maybe

441
00:24:35.840 --> 00:24:41.440
with you, but in general, like if you're out in public, is it frequent that he's struggles

442
00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:43.880
with getting annoyed and frustrated?

443
00:24:43.880 --> 00:24:54.480
Um, yeah, I mean, I've noticed it like once with me and then once with this woman on Friday,

444
00:24:54.680 --> 00:24:55.680
Mm-hmm.

445
00:24:55.680 --> 00:24:56.680
Um.

446
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.360
And he's talked to me about other situations where like, that was like something that

447
00:25:05.360 --> 00:25:10.480
what's his. So when he talks about it, does he talk about things that he's actively

448
00:25:10.480 --> 00:25:17.840
doing to help himself with that? Yes. So those examples, like what does he do

449
00:25:17.840 --> 00:25:26.480
now that maybe he wasn't doing before? Because so what exactly is he doing to kind of

450
00:25:27.440 --> 00:25:33.360
work on himself? And who is he going to to work on that area on himself?

451
00:25:34.080 --> 00:25:38.480
Okay, well, he has the accountability group. And then after that,

452
00:25:39.840 --> 00:25:45.600
now for the sex addiction, or also, it works always with just the sex addiction and other

453
00:25:45.600 --> 00:25:48.960
areas that he's struggling with. Yeah, I think it's just in general,

454
00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:53.760
like, because it's like men, men, like struggling with stuff, and then they have the WhatsApp group

455
00:25:53.760 --> 00:26:01.200
to encourage each other. Right? So like, on Friday, after we went to see this pastor,

456
00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:06.720
they had like a prayer room, and he went to the prayer room, and he asked for prayer about this,

457
00:26:06.720 --> 00:26:13.440
because he had also shared about something that I think is possibly related to a demon, right?

458
00:26:14.400 --> 00:26:21.520
And he had gone for deliverance, like a year ago, and he had done that process. And so I was like,

459
00:26:22.480 --> 00:26:27.600
thinking, well, maybe you need to do it again. But then he went to prayer after this meeting

460
00:26:27.600 --> 00:26:34.000
on Friday. And he had asked for prayer about this. And the person he was praying with,

461
00:26:34.800 --> 00:26:42.480
had talked to him about the importance of repentance, right? And because he had had

462
00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:49.520
an incident with a neighbor that he like, like, he didn't tell me exactly what he said,

463
00:26:49.520 --> 00:26:55.280
but he had like a horrible argument with this neighbor, and that he felt that he needed to like

464
00:26:55.280 --> 00:27:02.720
repent and also like apologize to this person. So, so that's like something that he's he's like

465
00:27:02.720 --> 00:27:08.720
trying to make amends and like, try to fix things with this person, like in this particular instance

466
00:27:08.720 --> 00:27:15.920
that he just had. So, so that those are the specific things that he's working on.

467
00:27:16.640 --> 00:27:26.640
Okay. So, one thing that I will encourage is to be looking for, if he's getting the

468
00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:32.000
accountability, is he starting to shift some of the behaviors? Like, is it actually working? Or

469
00:27:32.000 --> 00:27:39.520
is he staying stuck in that area? Like that is something and we can, we can probably even,

470
00:27:40.160 --> 00:27:46.720
and I can maybe get some more insight as well. Like I have, I have had experience

471
00:27:47.360 --> 00:27:54.240
with being in relationships with people that have suffered addictions. It wasn't sex addiction,

472
00:27:54.240 --> 00:28:02.080
it was drug and alcohol addiction. And so I do want you to be aware of some of the commonalities

473
00:28:02.880 --> 00:28:09.120
that you're seeing with people that have addictions. So, I know that even Bethany has

474
00:28:09.120 --> 00:28:16.080
shared that she has had her, her husband had some sex addiction, so she has some experience there.

475
00:28:16.800 --> 00:28:26.320
My biggest, my biggest concern is that if he's sharing with you things that he is struggling

476
00:28:26.320 --> 00:28:31.200
with, especially if he is struggling with impatience and maybe even some anger and some

477
00:28:31.200 --> 00:28:37.520
outburst, maybe not being able to have that, that fruit of the spirit of self-control is that

478
00:28:39.520 --> 00:28:45.760
they, it's very common for people that, that suffer with addiction is that they're going to

479
00:28:45.760 --> 00:28:54.640
find someone that they can kind of connect with and share their struggles. And then that person

480
00:28:54.640 --> 00:29:00.080
then feels it's their responsibility to help them with it. And then when you start seeing

481
00:29:00.080 --> 00:29:05.920
these things come up and you bring it up, then there's some manipulation that can happen.

482
00:29:06.800 --> 00:29:11.360
So I want you to be mindful because this is now what three or four weeks that we've been

483
00:29:11.360 --> 00:29:17.280
talking about this guy and you keep bringing up some of the concerns. And so I don't want you

484
00:29:17.280 --> 00:29:22.880
to neglect because again, you kind of said, well, not everybody's perfect, right? Not everybody is

485
00:29:22.880 --> 00:29:29.760
perfect. We all have yellow flags, but is this a yellow flag or is this red turning or yellow

486
00:29:29.760 --> 00:29:37.440
turning orange, turning red? So I just want you to keep that in mind. Like ladies, we are all

487
00:29:37.440 --> 00:29:43.280
adult women here. We all can make our own choices. Again, this is your journey. There's things that

488
00:29:43.280 --> 00:29:49.440
are going to be revealed to you. God is speaking to you and you might not be able to share all of

489
00:29:49.440 --> 00:29:57.280
the things that God is sharing with you to us, but those are just things as a coach, like I just

490
00:29:57.280 --> 00:29:59.920
want you to keep praying in.

491
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.520
to, and really asking God to reveal some things. Because again, in just learning, you know,

492
00:30:07.520 --> 00:30:12.640
we want to give people chances, you know, things like that, but we also want to make sure that

493
00:30:12.640 --> 00:30:18.480
we're creating healthy boundaries and we're not falling into unhealthy patterns from our past.

494
00:30:19.520 --> 00:30:24.640
So I heard you say a couple of things that you were really stressed because all of this was

495
00:30:24.640 --> 00:30:31.360
happening in front of your dad. So I want you to kind of maybe ask yourself, where was that fear

496
00:30:31.360 --> 00:30:36.800
coming? What's being revealed to you there? What was your concern with that? And then the same

497
00:30:36.800 --> 00:30:41.920
things like what concerns you have with someone that is maybe having some issues with being

498
00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:48.720
impatient, like anger or control, because you know, this is a new relationship, right? You've

499
00:30:48.720 --> 00:30:58.480
only been getting to know each other for a couple months. So just be clear. So, you know, typically,

500
00:31:00.160 --> 00:31:05.680
you know, I think we all probably can share, like, we always want to put our best foot forward in the

501
00:31:05.680 --> 00:31:10.240
first couple months. And then as you get to know people, like you, you see little, like everybody

502
00:31:10.240 --> 00:31:17.200
has yellow flags of things, but I just want to make sure that you're not neglecting things that

503
00:31:17.200 --> 00:31:25.680
might not be yellow, but they might be orange or red. Okay. Okay. Yep. Awesome. But thank you for

504
00:31:25.680 --> 00:31:31.040
sharing. I know sometimes it's hard ladies to come in here and being vulnerable and sharing the stuff,

505
00:31:31.040 --> 00:31:38.560
but this is where we get growth. This is where we, you know, learn things and get different

506
00:31:38.560 --> 00:31:43.840
perspectives. We're here to help you see blind spots if there's blind spots, but at the end of

507
00:31:43.840 --> 00:31:48.320
the day, ladies, like you are all grown women, you're going to make your choices. God has,

508
00:31:48.320 --> 00:31:52.720
he knows your choices. He knows the journey he wants to take you on. Okay.

509
00:31:54.960 --> 00:32:00.400
Thank you, Maria. All right. What's up Heather? You're new, right?

510
00:32:02.960 --> 00:32:07.680
You're muted. Yeah, I'm new-ish. New-ish. I love it.

511
00:32:08.320 --> 00:32:15.120
So the situation that I'm having with the guy, we've been talking for about a month now.

512
00:32:16.320 --> 00:32:23.680
I met him on Facebook dating. Okay. And the cool thing about it is that he remembers me from when

513
00:32:23.680 --> 00:32:31.680
we both went to college like six years ago. I don't remember him at all. So now he's up in Fairbanks,

514
00:32:31.680 --> 00:32:40.320
which is about a six-hour drive getting his master's degree. So the thing that I'm struggling

515
00:32:40.320 --> 00:32:51.600
with is I am like, I've been in this whole dating game for two or three years now, and I'm much more

516
00:32:51.600 --> 00:32:59.200
used to guys taking me out on a date faster than a month of talking. And

517
00:33:01.760 --> 00:33:06.400
I've been staying in prayer about it, and I feel like God really wants me to be patient about it.

518
00:33:08.800 --> 00:33:18.480
But he's also not great at communication. Okay. How so? Well, I may only hear from him every two

519
00:33:18.480 --> 00:33:27.680
to three days. Okay. And sometimes it's very short communication. He doesn't ask me any questions. I

520
00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:33.120
feel like I'm the one initiating a lot and asking the questions and trying to get to know him.

521
00:33:35.600 --> 00:33:43.440
And so I've also done dating coaching before this program. And so I've been trying to use a lot of

522
00:33:43.440 --> 00:33:50.160
the techniques that I learned in that to get him to open up, to emotionally connect. What are some

523
00:33:50.240 --> 00:33:58.240
of those techniques? Well, one of them is encouraging him to call you instead of just

524
00:33:58.240 --> 00:34:08.560
texting constantly. So if he continues to text you a lot, just say, hey, I'm busy right now,

525
00:34:08.560 --> 00:34:14.080
but I'm free at this time tomorrow, so call me. Just straight up encouraging them without being

526
00:34:14.080 --> 00:34:24.480
criticizing. And he's not picking up any of those cues. Let me ask you. So yes, I love that.

527
00:34:25.040 --> 00:34:31.360
Sometimes I like, have you suggested video calls? Have you done any video call?

528
00:34:33.520 --> 00:34:37.120
No, that's what I'm saying is I feel it's really hard to get them on the phone.

529
00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:48.800
Can you just say, hey, I really enjoy getting to know you. I would love to have a video call

530
00:34:48.800 --> 00:34:53.920
with you so we can see each other face to face. I'm free Friday at this time and Saturday at

531
00:34:53.920 --> 00:34:59.920
this time. Which one works best for you? Maybe I need to just be straight up about it.

532
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.720
up there, give them two choices and be like, which one works for you.

533
00:35:06.200 --> 00:35:09.780
And it's sometimes it's that like initiating that dropping the hanky.

534
00:35:09.800 --> 00:35:14.840
Like now what I will say is after doing that once we want

535
00:35:14.840 --> 00:35:17.480
that reciprocating of dating.

536
00:35:18.580 --> 00:35:23.740
You, we don't want you ladies getting stuck to always initiating everything.

537
00:35:23.740 --> 00:35:28.320
It needs to be reciprocated so you can put it out there like, Hey, I really

538
00:35:28.320 --> 00:35:32.640
want to get on the phone or like on a video, we, I really encourage you

539
00:35:32.640 --> 00:35:35.640
ladies to get on video calls.

540
00:35:36.320 --> 00:35:37.480
100%.

541
00:35:37.960 --> 00:35:43.680
I guess, how do I tell the difference between he's actually busy, but he's

542
00:35:43.680 --> 00:35:48.520
still interested or he's just using his busyness as an excuse to not move things

543
00:35:48.520 --> 00:35:53.440
forward that here's the thing with long distance, cause this is a long distance

544
00:35:53.440 --> 00:35:57.240
thing and I had experienced long distance too, with my husband, when they're

545
00:35:57.240 --> 00:36:01.480
interested, they will make time even when they're busy, they will.

546
00:36:01.960 --> 00:36:08.960
So I would say initiate and let him pick up that it's that dropping

547
00:36:08.960 --> 00:36:11.200
the hanky, let him pick it up.

548
00:36:12.200 --> 00:36:12.720
Okay.

549
00:36:12.760 --> 00:36:13.600
Throw it out there.

550
00:36:13.600 --> 00:36:17.760
Hey, I really would like to get to know you better.

551
00:36:18.040 --> 00:36:21.960
Let's take this on a video call and see each other face to face.

552
00:36:22.840 --> 00:36:24.920
Cause you said, was this Facebook dating?

553
00:36:26.640 --> 00:36:27.040
Okay.

554
00:36:27.480 --> 00:36:31.720
Cause you can still not be friends on Facebook, but if you're doing through

555
00:36:31.720 --> 00:36:36.800
messenger, you can video chat through messenger without having to be friends

556
00:36:36.800 --> 00:36:37.960
with somebody on Facebook.

557
00:36:37.960 --> 00:36:38.840
Cause that's what I did.

558
00:36:39.120 --> 00:36:43.720
I didn't accept friend requests, but I did Facebook dating and you can still

559
00:36:43.720 --> 00:36:48.720
message through messenger and there's a video chat feature or you can use zoom.

560
00:36:49.600 --> 00:36:53.240
So throw it out there, give him two times, two days.

561
00:36:53.760 --> 00:36:56.040
And if he's like, Oh no, neither of those times work for me.

562
00:36:56.040 --> 00:36:56.280
Okay.

563
00:36:56.280 --> 00:36:57.640
Well, what time does work for you?

564
00:36:58.760 --> 00:36:59.920
What day and time works for you?

565
00:37:00.640 --> 00:37:03.560
Because if he's interested, he's going to make the effort.

566
00:37:04.040 --> 00:37:07.440
And then when you're faced, like you're not face to face in person, but you're

567
00:37:07.440 --> 00:37:10.080
going to be able to see eye contact.

568
00:37:10.080 --> 00:37:10.520
Smile.

569
00:37:10.520 --> 00:37:11.440
Is he engaged?

570
00:37:11.440 --> 00:37:14.840
Is he on, like, is he looking at the computer or is he just kind of like

571
00:37:15.160 --> 00:37:18.800
looking off as he walking around with his phone, like doing other things?

572
00:37:19.200 --> 00:37:22.880
Like that happened to me with guys when I was like doing video calls.

573
00:37:22.880 --> 00:37:27.480
I'm like, dude, like you're going to scrub your t-shirt and whatever.

574
00:37:27.800 --> 00:37:32.320
Like, again, I, you give grace because these guys don't have coaches, but you're

575
00:37:32.320 --> 00:37:34.160
going to start seeing that initiation.

576
00:37:34.160 --> 00:37:37.880
And then if you have the video call and you had an enjoyable time, you had good

577
00:37:37.880 --> 00:37:43.720
conversation and you, you want to continue, you want to do it again, say it.

578
00:37:44.720 --> 00:37:46.960
Ladies, we have to communicate.

579
00:37:47.440 --> 00:37:48.880
This was really fun.

580
00:37:48.960 --> 00:37:50.280
I had a great time.

581
00:37:50.600 --> 00:37:52.200
Let's do this again.

582
00:37:53.840 --> 00:38:02.360
Then let them initiate the second meetup, whether it's video or in-person, but we

583
00:38:02.360 --> 00:38:08.440
don't, we don't encourage y'all to do a lot of texting and phone calls, like get

584
00:38:08.920 --> 00:38:14.880
video or in-person as soon as possible when it's long, long distance, it's

585
00:38:14.880 --> 00:38:19.760
important, at least within six weeks, getting the in-person if it's possible.

586
00:38:20.040 --> 00:38:23.040
Cause let me tell you ladies, when it's long distance and these guys are

587
00:38:23.040 --> 00:38:27.320
interested and they really have the three M's where they're masculine,

588
00:38:27.320 --> 00:38:33.040
mature, and marriage minded, they're going to make the efforts.

589
00:38:33.560 --> 00:38:38.240
My husband and I, we were messaging back and forth for about three weeks.

590
00:38:38.840 --> 00:38:42.200
And within three weeks, he came to Florida to visit me.

591
00:38:42.840 --> 00:38:47.800
He actually worked in Florida, but then he rearranged his work schedule because

592
00:38:47.800 --> 00:38:51.160
the weekend that he was going to be here, I had my son because I only

593
00:38:51.160 --> 00:38:52.520
had my son every other weekend.

594
00:38:52.560 --> 00:38:55.720
Well, I had him all the time, but he went with his biological

595
00:38:55.720 --> 00:38:57.640
father every other weekend.

596
00:38:57.640 --> 00:39:00.880
And so the weekend, my husband was coming to visit.

597
00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:04.360
I had my son that weekend and we were going to a working country concert,

598
00:39:04.360 --> 00:39:06.000
like two hours away in Orlando.

599
00:39:06.320 --> 00:39:07.800
It was around Christmas time.

600
00:39:07.800 --> 00:39:10.480
Like I wanted to do Christmasy things with him.

601
00:39:10.760 --> 00:39:16.840
My husband changed his flights so that he could be there weekend prior.

602
00:39:16.840 --> 00:39:21.680
And then the weekend after that, he broke up his trip because he, he was interested.

603
00:39:22.200 --> 00:39:23.600
Now we didn't do a video call.

604
00:39:23.600 --> 00:39:27.120
We just did like phone call and messaging, but he was interested

605
00:39:27.120 --> 00:39:30.040
in getting to know me and he made that effort.

606
00:39:31.080 --> 00:39:31.400
Okay.

607
00:39:31.400 --> 00:39:34.560
Now I'm not saying like all these guys is going to click that way.

608
00:39:34.560 --> 00:39:37.960
Cause again, we want to give grace, but we do like throw the

609
00:39:37.960 --> 00:39:40.120
hankies out there, drop those hankies.

610
00:39:41.120 --> 00:39:45.560
Give them an option, show them that, Hey, I want to see your face.

611
00:39:46.360 --> 00:39:48.920
And then let them reciprocate.

612
00:39:49.720 --> 00:39:55.200
And what I will also encourage is ladies, when we're interacting with one person,

613
00:39:55.680 --> 00:39:59.240
we don't want to put all of our focus on that one person still be making sure.

614
00:39:59.240 --> 00:39:59.880
And Heather.

615
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.640
who might be doing this.

616
00:40:01.640 --> 00:40:05.400
Still on the internet meeting people,

617
00:40:05.400 --> 00:40:07.360
getting to know people, things like that.

618
00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:10.200
Don't just like stop with that.

619
00:40:10.200 --> 00:40:12.940
It's really just get to know so that

620
00:40:12.940 --> 00:40:15.500
we don't fall in this habit of overthinking things

621
00:40:15.500 --> 00:40:17.760
and thinking, you know, getting anxious

622
00:40:17.760 --> 00:40:19.880
and stressed out about this one person

623
00:40:19.880 --> 00:40:22.520
because we've got a couple of different people.

624
00:40:22.520 --> 00:40:23.800
So Heather, I hope that helps.

625
00:40:23.800 --> 00:40:26.480
Is there anything else that you wanna share or ask?

626
00:40:27.480 --> 00:40:30.120
No, that pretty much covered it.

627
00:40:30.120 --> 00:40:33.920
I will tell him that, what you told me to tell him

628
00:40:33.920 --> 00:40:35.560
and see what happens.

629
00:40:35.560 --> 00:40:37.860
Throw it out there, just lay it on the table.

630
00:40:40.100 --> 00:40:42.140
And I think Diane, I see you on here.

631
00:40:42.140 --> 00:40:43.180
Are you free to chat?

632
00:40:43.180 --> 00:40:46.440
Cause ladies, Diane, I would love for you to share

633
00:40:46.440 --> 00:40:49.600
with the ladies kind of your experience

634
00:40:49.600 --> 00:40:51.660
because she's doing just that.

635
00:40:51.660 --> 00:40:55.080
Like she's getting to know a guy,

636
00:40:55.120 --> 00:40:57.280
but then she's also keeping the doors open

637
00:40:57.280 --> 00:40:58.560
and getting to know a couple.

638
00:40:58.560 --> 00:41:00.780
And it's just been a really awesome process

639
00:41:00.780 --> 00:41:02.320
to see her work through.

640
00:41:02.320 --> 00:41:05.200
And her attitude has been, you know, incredible to watch.

641
00:41:05.200 --> 00:41:07.800
And I think that you ladies could probably glean

642
00:41:07.800 --> 00:41:09.840
from some of her experience.

643
00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:11.560
And Diane, if you wanna just share

644
00:41:11.560 --> 00:41:13.520
kind of what you've experienced,

645
00:41:13.520 --> 00:41:16.580
maybe some of the struggles that you've even had

646
00:41:16.580 --> 00:41:17.800
and how you've overcome those

647
00:41:17.800 --> 00:41:19.600
and some of the positives that have come from that.

648
00:41:19.600 --> 00:41:20.880
Do you mind doing that?

649
00:41:20.880 --> 00:41:22.440
No, not at all, not at all.

650
00:41:22.440 --> 00:41:24.400
Cause it's an up and down rollercoaster, right?

651
00:41:25.080 --> 00:41:26.520
Always.

652
00:41:26.520 --> 00:41:28.040
I am on Facebook dating

653
00:41:28.040 --> 00:41:30.800
and I have hit the seven dates in three months,

654
00:41:30.800 --> 00:41:32.900
which honestly I thought was gonna be really hard.

655
00:41:32.900 --> 00:41:34.560
But when I kind of let it go and said,

656
00:41:34.560 --> 00:41:37.080
I'm not looking for my husband on the first date,

657
00:41:37.080 --> 00:41:39.800
I'm literally trying to learn myself on dating

658
00:41:39.800 --> 00:41:40.960
and how to flirt.

659
00:41:40.960 --> 00:41:43.260
Like that is where I've had to stay

660
00:41:43.260 --> 00:41:45.720
cause I've had so many boring phone conversations

661
00:41:45.720 --> 00:41:47.760
or even like one of the dates was horrible.

662
00:41:47.760 --> 00:41:50.660
Like I just, 45 minutes, I was like, thank God it's over.

663
00:41:51.180 --> 00:41:54.140
But I also really started to connect

664
00:41:54.140 --> 00:41:56.860
with this one gentleman, Curtis, super great guy,

665
00:41:56.860 --> 00:41:59.100
took the lead, was great with a video call,

666
00:41:59.100 --> 00:42:02.000
immediately asked me out, fun things.

667
00:42:02.000 --> 00:42:03.000
But then our faith ended up

668
00:42:03.000 --> 00:42:04.460
being really drastically different.

669
00:42:04.460 --> 00:42:06.940
And so for me, it was also a change

670
00:42:06.940 --> 00:42:09.420
to have not already been kissing and such,

671
00:42:09.420 --> 00:42:11.280
but it made it easier to walk away.

672
00:42:11.280 --> 00:42:14.820
I met Rudy through friends and that's who I'm dating,

673
00:42:14.820 --> 00:42:16.460
but I'm trying to not go all in.

674
00:42:16.460 --> 00:42:19.020
And as a result, I'm still on Facebook dating,

675
00:42:19.060 --> 00:42:20.760
still interacting, still messaging.

676
00:42:20.760 --> 00:42:21.600
And let's be honest,

677
00:42:21.600 --> 00:42:24.100
I feel like for every 10 guys that messages me,

678
00:42:24.100 --> 00:42:26.760
one of them might be able to hold a conversation, right?

679
00:42:26.760 --> 00:42:28.700
Some of them say inappropriate things

680
00:42:28.700 --> 00:42:31.580
or they just say, hey, and I write back, hey,

681
00:42:31.580 --> 00:42:33.100
and usually never hear again.

682
00:42:34.060 --> 00:42:35.700
So I'm trying to just match that energy

683
00:42:35.700 --> 00:42:37.820
and not get hung up on their profile photos.

684
00:42:37.820 --> 00:42:39.600
Cause I'll be honest, the first time I saw Curtis

685
00:42:39.600 --> 00:42:43.100
or even Travis in person, I was like blown away.

686
00:42:43.100 --> 00:42:45.820
They were so much better looking than their photos.

687
00:42:46.180 --> 00:42:49.380
In the past, I would have definitely cruised by Travis.

688
00:42:49.380 --> 00:42:50.940
I wouldn't have even given him a heartbeat

689
00:42:50.940 --> 00:42:52.540
cause his photos were so bad.

690
00:42:54.260 --> 00:42:55.940
And then Rudy I've met in person,

691
00:42:55.940 --> 00:42:57.320
so it's a little different,

692
00:42:57.320 --> 00:43:00.300
but it's by staying on Facebook dating for me

693
00:43:00.300 --> 00:43:03.000
has kept me from obsessing or wondering

694
00:43:03.000 --> 00:43:04.180
how often he's gonna text.

695
00:43:04.180 --> 00:43:06.700
Cause truthfully, keeping up with Facebook dating

696
00:43:06.700 --> 00:43:09.020
and my own job and my own kiddo,

697
00:43:09.020 --> 00:43:10.700
I don't have the bandwidth.

698
00:43:10.700 --> 00:43:12.260
Half the time I pick up my phone and I'm like,

699
00:43:12.260 --> 00:43:14.980
oh, there's a message from him and it's an hour ago.

700
00:43:14.980 --> 00:43:16.060
And I like that.

701
00:43:16.060 --> 00:43:17.600
Whereas I feel like the before me

702
00:43:17.600 --> 00:43:19.380
would have been right on it.

703
00:43:19.380 --> 00:43:22.860
So I guess it's helping with anxiety too, so.

704
00:43:22.860 --> 00:43:24.960
Yes, all good things, ladies.

705
00:43:24.960 --> 00:43:27.620
I am just gonna touch on a lot of great things

706
00:43:27.620 --> 00:43:30.340
that she shared so that way we get a second dose of it.

707
00:43:30.340 --> 00:43:32.780
Cause there's, I mean, Diane, thank you so much

708
00:43:32.780 --> 00:43:35.540
because you hit on so many great things

709
00:43:35.540 --> 00:43:39.940
that I really want you ladies to take note here

710
00:43:39.940 --> 00:43:44.940
and take some time and meditate, pray on some energy

711
00:43:45.020 --> 00:43:47.940
with these things and ask yourself

712
00:43:47.940 --> 00:43:50.060
if like how you can apply this stuff

713
00:43:50.060 --> 00:43:51.860
with what you ladies are experiencing.

714
00:43:51.860 --> 00:43:55.700
So one thing that I love that she said is that

715
00:43:55.700 --> 00:43:58.940
she told herself she's not looking for a husband

716
00:43:58.940 --> 00:43:59.980
on the first date.

717
00:44:00.940 --> 00:44:03.220
I am guilty before this program

718
00:44:03.220 --> 00:44:05.760
and even in the beginning of this program,

719
00:44:05.760 --> 00:44:09.340
I was focusing on every day, is this guy my husband?

720
00:44:09.340 --> 00:44:10.560
Like, what do I like about him?

721
00:44:10.560 --> 00:44:11.400
Can I live with it?

722
00:44:11.400 --> 00:44:15.280
Like, I'm an anxious attachment, okay?

723
00:44:15.280 --> 00:44:20.200
And if you've done the attachment style quizzes,

724
00:44:20.200 --> 00:44:23.120
like, and you're an anxious like I was,

725
00:44:23.120 --> 00:44:26.200
like, you probably fall in this category

726
00:44:26.200 --> 00:44:29.440
where, you know, we're looking at, you know,

727
00:44:29.440 --> 00:44:32.120
can I see myself like marrying this person?

728
00:44:32.120 --> 00:44:36.200
Like, and what she's saying is she's not doing that.

729
00:44:36.200 --> 00:44:39.960
She literally took that completely off the table

730
00:44:39.960 --> 00:44:43.260
and is focusing on just getting to know these guys.

731
00:44:43.260 --> 00:44:45.480
And so another thing that she pointed out

732
00:44:45.480 --> 00:44:47.440
is that she was not kissing,

733
00:44:48.440 --> 00:44:51.600
not having like physical contact with these guys

734
00:44:51.600 --> 00:44:52.720
that she's dating, okay?

735
00:44:52.720 --> 00:44:55.280
Now we all have our own boundaries here.

736
00:44:55.280 --> 00:44:58.060
This was important for me as well,

737
00:44:58.060 --> 00:45:00.360
was not kissing guys that I was not against.

738
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.040
Exclusive with now, I would give them hugs. Like I wouldn't give them like full-body hugs

739
00:45:04.040 --> 00:45:09.260
Like if I was saying goodbye, like hey had a great date you give a hug. Maybe you do the side hug sort of thing

740
00:45:10.520 --> 00:45:12.720
so that's huge because

741
00:45:13.200 --> 00:45:16.400
For me and I'm sure Diane that was probably different for you

742
00:45:16.400 --> 00:45:23.720
Like you like this was a whole new concept for you, but you will probably see the positive to it. Is that you're not

743
00:45:24.720 --> 00:45:26.440
Really

744
00:45:26.440 --> 00:45:30.640
Connecting on such a physical level that's really drawing you to stay in

745
00:45:31.840 --> 00:45:34.000
Contact like I I know for myself

746
00:45:36.520 --> 00:45:44.260
When I started getting physical and the kissing and stuff like to me that meant I was in a relationship with them

747
00:45:45.000 --> 00:45:47.120
So it was very hard for me

748
00:45:47.120 --> 00:45:53.600
Like if things then started like red flags started coming up or yellow flags started coming up. I would ignore it

749
00:45:53.960 --> 00:45:59.440
and then I would just find myself and just really unhealthy relationships because by then like my

750
00:46:00.320 --> 00:46:02.400
my heart was in it because

751
00:46:03.400 --> 00:46:08.760
Physical boundaries was a thing for me. So I like that. She brought up that

752
00:46:09.720 --> 00:46:16.080
I also want to point out one thing that she said as well ladies and you're probably going to experience this if you're doing

753
00:46:16.080 --> 00:46:19.480
Online dating is one out of every ten guys

754
00:46:20.080 --> 00:46:23.600
Was probably like able to hold a conversation

755
00:46:26.760 --> 00:46:32.160
It's a big pool like online dating is just a big pool of guys and one thing that when I was in this group

756
00:46:32.880 --> 00:46:37.240
And dating before I met my husband one of my other sisters in this community

757
00:46:37.240 --> 00:46:40.360
like she had to break it down for me and she's like it's almost like

758
00:46:41.320 --> 00:46:47.960
In business like you have to go through a lot of nose to get to like one. Maybe or yes, so

759
00:46:48.600 --> 00:46:52.960
Just knowing that a no is leading you to a yes

760
00:46:53.720 --> 00:46:59.800
That there are going to be some times where it's just a no it's a no it's a no and it's gonna feel like you're

761
00:46:59.800 --> 00:47:04.640
Not making traction, but then when one comes up and you're like, oh

762
00:47:05.240 --> 00:47:07.640
This guy seems interesting. It's

763
00:47:08.240 --> 00:47:10.400
Then that's a good thing

764
00:47:10.400 --> 00:47:10.840
Okay

765
00:47:10.840 --> 00:47:16.000
Like you're not like every guy that you come in contact with is not gonna communicate

766
00:47:16.000 --> 00:47:19.040
well, it's not you know, just know that

767
00:47:20.160 --> 00:47:25.980
It's not always every person you're gonna talk to is gonna be like the success like

768
00:47:26.440 --> 00:47:30.400
Yay, like I'm so excited to talk to this guy. Just be prepared for

769
00:47:30.960 --> 00:47:36.880
The ups and the downs of it. There's growth in that and then what I had to learn was

770
00:47:37.440 --> 00:47:39.440
to celebrate

771
00:47:39.520 --> 00:47:41.520
when those things came up I

772
00:47:42.080 --> 00:47:43.560
celebrated my

773
00:47:43.560 --> 00:47:51.800
Mindset and how I wasn't going after the guys that were the no or not showing me, you know attention or was

774
00:47:52.320 --> 00:47:54.920
you know, maybe he was good-looking, but he just

775
00:47:55.640 --> 00:48:00.920
was a jerk or something or just being inappropriate so I

776
00:48:01.560 --> 00:48:04.320
Before I would just well this guy's giving me attention

777
00:48:04.320 --> 00:48:07.360
so I might as well just give my attention to him as well and I

778
00:48:07.680 --> 00:48:10.600
Started realizing like what my value and worth was and

779
00:48:10.920 --> 00:48:15.840
So those were things to be celebrated because God was kind of showing me how far I had come

780
00:48:16.240 --> 00:48:21.840
From my old self and the growth that I had in this group. So keep that in mind

781
00:48:21.840 --> 00:48:26.220
I also like that you were sharing about not getting hung up on the photos

782
00:48:27.520 --> 00:48:31.280
because when you meet them in person like they look different like

783
00:48:32.120 --> 00:48:34.120
How many of you?

784
00:48:34.800 --> 00:48:39.080
It's it kind of goes both ways like being photogenic or not photogenic

785
00:48:39.080 --> 00:48:42.520
Like you see people that are very photogenic and then you meet them in person

786
00:48:42.520 --> 00:48:49.240
You're like whoa, or you know, they're not photogenic and you meet them in person like wow, so don't get hung up on the profile photos

787
00:48:50.080 --> 00:48:53.000
again, some of these guys just don't know how to like

788
00:48:54.080 --> 00:48:55.000
Take a photo

789
00:48:55.000 --> 00:49:01.440
like I know we've even talked and coached you ladies through like how to hold the camera and the angles that look good on you and

790
00:49:01.440 --> 00:49:08.600
Colors and I mean there's a lot that goes into a good photo. Like I always have like this is my best side

791
00:49:08.600 --> 00:49:12.400
I don't like taking photos this way like I have to take photos this way

792
00:49:12.680 --> 00:49:17.360
So it's it's learning all those things and I just think women are better at it than men

793
00:49:17.800 --> 00:49:22.500
So not getting hung up on the photos. That was the way with my husband

794
00:49:23.040 --> 00:49:25.040
He had great things like my friend

795
00:49:25.200 --> 00:49:32.280
Screenshotted all his photos and profile like things that he shared about himself and he said amazing things that just aligned with what I was looking

796
00:49:32.280 --> 00:49:34.560
for then I looked through his photos and I was like

797
00:49:35.720 --> 00:49:38.640
Like he was a decent looking guy in his photos

798
00:49:38.680 --> 00:49:43.000
But I was just like he's just not like my type and what I'm looking for

799
00:49:43.000 --> 00:49:48.280
Like I didn't find myself physically attracted to my husband at first like and I kind of joke with him now

800
00:49:48.560 --> 00:49:50.080
But when I met him in person

801
00:49:50.080 --> 00:49:55.680
There was just something else about him that I was attracted to and it wasn't just his looks

802
00:49:55.680 --> 00:50:00.080
There were so many other things. It was how he carried himself. It was how he was intentional

803
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.040
with me. It was the fact that he respects my boundaries. Like all of those things came to

804
00:50:05.040 --> 00:50:10.240
surface. Like all the great things and good qualities that, you know, when your looks fade,

805
00:50:11.920 --> 00:50:18.000
it's about the heart. Like how, like how is this guy's heart? And so God really allowed me to see

806
00:50:18.000 --> 00:50:24.080
that. So I want to highlight that as well. And then Diane also shared about, you know,

807
00:50:24.080 --> 00:50:28.080
she's still staying on Facebook dating. Things didn't work out with Curtis. She's still getting

808
00:50:28.080 --> 00:50:33.200
to know Rudy, but she's still on Facebook dating because she's seeing that because of that,

809
00:50:33.200 --> 00:50:37.440
she's not obsessing about someone that she's not in an exclusive level three relationship with.

810
00:50:38.240 --> 00:50:42.800
Ladies, we really want to get to know guys and it's okay to stay in that level two

811
00:50:43.760 --> 00:50:48.880
relationship for months and just getting to know them, getting to know other people, seeing what,

812
00:50:48.880 --> 00:50:53.760
you know, what you like about them, what you don't like, you learn things about yourself,

813
00:50:54.320 --> 00:51:00.320
you get, you know, opportunity to upgrade yourself as well. And then when you step into that level

814
00:51:00.320 --> 00:51:04.000
three, then that's when it's like, okay, you don't have to be looking anymore. You can take

815
00:51:04.000 --> 00:51:09.200
yourself off the app. Okay. We don't want to have, not everybody's going to rush into a level

816
00:51:09.200 --> 00:51:16.080
three relationship. A lot of times when you do that, you are, it's either supernatural

817
00:51:16.960 --> 00:51:22.400
and it's, you know, God anointed, supernatural. And then a lot of times like that's a small

818
00:51:22.400 --> 00:51:27.440
percentage, but then there's other times if you're jumping into a relationship very, very quickly,

819
00:51:27.440 --> 00:51:32.320
it can be very toxic. So we want to make sure that we're taking time to get to know people.

820
00:51:32.320 --> 00:51:39.040
Now, what I will say, if it's supernatural, it you'll, you'll recognize it like, you know,

821
00:51:40.000 --> 00:51:47.200
going to God with it, getting those confirmations and, and get, you know, getting feedback from,

822
00:51:47.200 --> 00:51:51.840
you know, solid people in your community, whether it's your church or pastors or, you know,

823
00:51:51.840 --> 00:51:58.800
your spiritual friends, things like of that nature as well. Okay. So, okay. I think there's

824
00:51:58.800 --> 00:52:03.520
a couple of questions in the chat. So I'm going to go through there. If anybody has another question

825
00:52:03.520 --> 00:52:06.480
that they didn't put in the chat, go ahead and raise your hand, but I'm going to read through

826
00:52:06.480 --> 00:52:13.920
a few of these. So Melissa, she says she's it's she finds it hard to find a masculine mature man.

827
00:52:13.920 --> 00:52:19.840
I'm finding that men that want a traditional woman such as myself expect me to be the breadwinner,

828
00:52:19.840 --> 00:52:25.280
but although I'm successful on my own, I have no desire to be the breadwinner in a dating marriage

829
00:52:25.280 --> 00:52:33.920
relationship. Question, how to screen for dingy men who say they want a traditional feminine woman,

830
00:52:33.920 --> 00:52:40.720
but do not want to invest financially, emotionally, et cetera, such in such a woman.

831
00:52:40.720 --> 00:52:47.920
Also, even men that have a lot to offer invest can be stingy too. It's a heart and action thing

832
00:52:47.920 --> 00:52:55.440
in my view, just to be clear. Melissa, are you on here right now? Are you here with us?

833
00:52:56.400 --> 00:52:58.000
Melissa, are you able to unmute?

834
00:53:01.920 --> 00:53:05.440
Yes, I'm sorry. I was in the middle of something. Yes, I know. That's good.

835
00:53:08.320 --> 00:53:12.880
So explain to me, like what, what are you running into? So you're saying like men want

836
00:53:12.880 --> 00:53:16.160
a traditional women, like explain that. What do you mean by a traditional woman?

837
00:53:17.840 --> 00:53:23.040
I think maybe a better word would be like a feminine woman, a woman that, and you know,

838
00:53:23.120 --> 00:53:28.320
I'm very feminine. I operate in my masculine a lot because I'm successful in my career,

839
00:53:29.120 --> 00:53:33.680
but I really am not a career woman. I'm just doing that because that's what I have to do right now.

840
00:53:33.680 --> 00:53:38.720
You know what I mean? And I would really like to be, you know, just a wife and a stay at home mom,

841
00:53:38.720 --> 00:53:46.000
God willing, if that's in the cards and I don't know. But so what I find is that, and I think

842
00:53:46.000 --> 00:53:50.560
part of it may be sort of the manosphere, you know, some of the messaging that they're getting,

843
00:53:50.560 --> 00:53:56.160
where it's kind of like, Oh, you know, there's so many like weird advice videos that they're

844
00:53:56.160 --> 00:54:02.400
getting. And so it's sort of convoluted. So what I find is that like, I'll be like,

845
00:54:02.400 --> 00:54:06.320
there'll be like, like, for example, recently, this guy was like, Oh man, I love your energy.

846
00:54:06.880 --> 00:54:10.560
And it's like feminine energy. And I'm like, that's great. But then he's like, Oh, well,

847
00:54:10.560 --> 00:54:14.960
let's split the bill. And I'm losing all attraction, or he was even going to let me

848
00:54:14.960 --> 00:54:20.480
ask me to pay for him on something. I was like, um, why don't we split it? Because at least in

849
00:54:20.480 --> 00:54:26.240
that way, you know, I was like, and I finally just told him like, you know, I don't feel feminine

850
00:54:26.240 --> 00:54:32.400
when I pay my own way. And I would really appreciate it. If you would, um, if you would

851
00:54:32.400 --> 00:54:38.400
pay, and again, it's your choice, you know, and so he did pay to that. I love that. I love that

852
00:54:38.400 --> 00:54:46.480
you communicated like, Hey, I feel less feminine. And I would appreciate it. If you did this,

853
00:54:46.480 --> 00:54:51.760
what, how did he respond to that? Well, he was, I think, calculating in his head,

854
00:54:51.760 --> 00:54:58.640
his budget, because he tends, he's in kind of dire straits economically. And I think that,

855
00:54:58.640 --> 00:54:59.440
you know, I've been

856
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.360
I have space for someone that is, you know, it, to me, it's more about the character,

857
00:55:05.360 --> 00:55:12.520
like if they're, and maybe they're, you know, they've had a struggle, you know, so far,

858
00:55:12.520 --> 00:55:15.040
but if they're on a good path, I have space for that.

859
00:55:15.040 --> 00:55:21.400
But what I don't have space for is someone that is not a masculine, generous provider.

860
00:55:21.400 --> 00:55:24.040
And again, when I say that, I don't mean he has to be rich.

861
00:55:24.040 --> 00:55:29.960
I just mean he has to want to provide, even if it's like something basic, like, oh, I

862
00:55:29.960 --> 00:55:32.480
can, you know, he invited me to eat.

863
00:55:32.480 --> 00:55:34.520
And then it's like, oh, why don't we split the bill?

864
00:55:34.520 --> 00:55:38.040
And I'm like, and then he was like, asked me, do you want to split the bill?

865
00:55:38.040 --> 00:55:41.200
And I said, No, I do not.

866
00:55:41.200 --> 00:55:47.920
And I told him why, like I said, and so how he responded was, he said, he said, like,

867
00:55:47.920 --> 00:55:48.920
he really thought about it.

868
00:55:48.920 --> 00:55:49.920
And he could tell I was serious.

869
00:55:49.920 --> 00:55:53.480
I wasn't mean, I was very kind about it, very clear.

870
00:55:53.480 --> 00:55:56.640
And so he then offered, and then he paid.

871
00:55:56.640 --> 00:55:57.640
And I just looked at him.

872
00:55:57.640 --> 00:55:59.520
And I said, you know, thank you so much.

873
00:55:59.520 --> 00:56:01.180
I really appreciate it.

874
00:56:01.180 --> 00:56:04.600
And so then later, he was like, you know, this was a good investment.

875
00:56:04.600 --> 00:56:09.080
It's not like later, he said that, but there were so many other things going on there.

876
00:56:09.080 --> 00:56:16.960
But I find that and maybe it's just a generational thing, like he is in his late 30s.

877
00:56:16.960 --> 00:56:21.680
But I just, I find that there's this expectation that we go 5050.

878
00:56:21.680 --> 00:56:24.880
And I find that so incredibly unattractive.

879
00:56:24.880 --> 00:56:31.560
Like, I like my all of my attraction, it like, it like, it like, it went below zero,

880
00:56:31.560 --> 00:56:38.000
it was like in the negative after, after more than once of that, you know, and so I guess,

881
00:56:38.000 --> 00:56:41.480
but see, here's the thing, I'm not attracted to like, significantly older men.

882
00:56:41.480 --> 00:56:42.480
You know what I mean?

883
00:56:42.480 --> 00:56:43.480
And so

884
00:56:43.480 --> 00:56:47.080
Yes, I get it.

885
00:56:47.080 --> 00:56:48.960
So the you brought up a lot of good things.

886
00:56:48.960 --> 00:56:54.440
And I was really reminded of a lot of the things that I even experienced with that I,

887
00:56:55.000 --> 00:57:01.160
I do encourage you ladies to step in your feminine and allow men to pay for you.

888
00:57:01.160 --> 00:57:02.160
If they're able.

889
00:57:02.160 --> 00:57:07.540
Now, I want to share that in a sense that we understand and Melissa, it sounds like

890
00:57:07.540 --> 00:57:09.360
you have a really good head on your shoulder.

891
00:57:09.360 --> 00:57:13.680
And I think you're being really open minded about this.

892
00:57:13.680 --> 00:57:22.200
And like, I heard a lot of really good things that you said that I, I really, I really appreciate

893
00:57:22.200 --> 00:57:28.400
that you bring this to the table, because we want to be mindful that yes, we want men

894
00:57:28.400 --> 00:57:30.600
to provide and pay like I was the same way.

895
00:57:30.600 --> 00:57:35.600
And that was difficult for me as well, because I always offered to like split the bill, because

896
00:57:35.600 --> 00:57:39.400
that's kind of like the society that I feel like we're kind of growing, like we, like

897
00:57:39.400 --> 00:57:41.600
I grew up in, in my 20s and 30s.

898
00:57:41.600 --> 00:57:47.380
And like, I started this, you know, group and program with Jackie in my late 30s.

899
00:57:47.380 --> 00:57:48.380
And I was a single mom.

900
00:57:48.380 --> 00:57:50.640
So like, I couldn't afford a lot of that stuff.

901
00:57:50.640 --> 00:57:56.360
And so I had to learn how to accept men's provision that way.

902
00:57:56.360 --> 00:58:03.400
And it really does, it really is a way that men can step up and be a provider.

903
00:58:03.400 --> 00:58:09.160
But I was also mindful that not all men are in a financial situation where they can do

904
00:58:09.160 --> 00:58:10.160
that.

905
00:58:10.160 --> 00:58:14.700
And I even experienced with my husband, like, he he did have a good paying job, and he could

906
00:58:14.700 --> 00:58:16.360
provide that stuff.

907
00:58:16.360 --> 00:58:21.760
And he also shared with, you know, how expensive it is for men to date.

908
00:58:21.760 --> 00:58:27.040
So if they're trying to date and look, you know, they're, they want marriage, and they're

909
00:58:27.040 --> 00:58:31.800
really investing time into dating, it can be pricey.

910
00:58:31.800 --> 00:58:40.220
But he also was aware that if, and it wasn't a situation for him, but I've heard other

911
00:58:40.220 --> 00:58:43.320
men where they know what their financial situation is.

912
00:58:43.440 --> 00:58:52.160
So if finances is an issue, it's okay to offer to offer a date that one costs nothing.

913
00:58:52.160 --> 00:58:58.900
You can go on a hike, a walk, all there's, there's lots of, you know, a free concert

914
00:58:58.900 --> 00:59:04.400
in the park, all sorts of different type of things, or, you know, going and get ice cream

915
00:59:04.400 --> 00:59:09.480
going and grabbing a coffee, like there's ways to do it inexpensive in the first couple

916
00:59:09.480 --> 00:59:13.120
meetings, it doesn't always have to be, you know, a lunch or dinner.

917
00:59:13.120 --> 00:59:19.440
Or even a fancy dinner, you know, and so it's just watching these guys and giving them

918
00:59:19.440 --> 00:59:25.680
the opportunity and seeing like, I I'm on board with like, what you're saying, where,

919
00:59:25.680 --> 00:59:31.960
you know, I also wanted to be this, I even had this conversation with Jackie on my discovery

920
00:59:31.960 --> 00:59:38.840
call with her the first time is that I felt guilty for wanting to be a stay at home mom

921
00:59:38.880 --> 00:59:39.800
and a housewife.

922
00:59:40.840 --> 00:59:45.200
And I felt like that was looked down upon.

923
00:59:45.280 --> 00:59:50.040
And one thing that she told me, she's like, don't feel bad about that at all.

924
00:59:50.520 --> 00:59:54.840
Like if that's your heart's desire and that's what God's putting on your heart and that's

925
00:59:54.840 --> 00:59:57.760
for you, like that is not a negative thing.

926
00:59:58.080 --> 01:00:00.000
And there were a lot of men that I met.

927
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:01.720
They didn't want that.

928
01:00:01.720 --> 01:00:04.120
They wanted a woman that was successful.

929
01:00:04.120 --> 01:00:07.720
I was a school teacher and I left that job to just be a waitress.

930
01:00:07.720 --> 01:00:11.400
And I had guys not want to go on dates with me because I was a waitress.

931
01:00:11.400 --> 01:00:12.400
And that was fine.

932
01:00:12.400 --> 01:00:13.480
They weren't for me.

933
01:00:13.480 --> 01:00:14.480
You know what?

934
01:00:14.480 --> 01:00:15.480
Sometimes it's dumb.

935
01:00:15.480 --> 01:00:19.880
Like it sometimes really messed with me, but I kept my focus on God and I was like, Nope,

936
01:00:19.880 --> 01:00:21.540
I'm God defended.

937
01:00:21.540 --> 01:00:22.540
That person's not for me.

938
01:00:22.540 --> 01:00:24.540
I want someone that's going to appreciate me.

939
01:00:24.540 --> 01:00:31.640
And one thing when I shared with my husband, when we were dating that I wanted an opportunity

940
01:00:31.640 --> 01:00:36.860
to stay home with my kids and to be a housewife, he left at that.

941
01:00:36.860 --> 01:00:41.320
And it was like, we were a perfect match and there were so many other things.

942
01:00:41.320 --> 01:00:49.780
So I like that you're setting good boundaries and ladies, you're not going to find, you're

943
01:00:49.780 --> 01:00:54.380
not always going to be able to tell how they manage their money on a first, like on one

944
01:00:54.380 --> 01:00:55.380
date.

945
01:00:55.380 --> 01:00:58.200
But those are things that would, could be a yellow flag.

946
01:00:58.200 --> 01:01:02.300
So if you decide that you do want to go on a second date with someone, like if this guy,

947
01:01:02.300 --> 01:01:08.460
you decided maybe give him a second date is to be mindful, like, is he doing that again?

948
01:01:08.460 --> 01:01:13.620
Is he offering to pay like now that he knows what your boundary is and maybe he's suggesting

949
01:01:13.620 --> 01:01:17.940
a date that isn't going to be expensive so that he can still spend time with you and

950
01:01:17.940 --> 01:01:21.100
it doesn't have to, he doesn't have to get into his wallet.

951
01:01:21.100 --> 01:01:25.660
It's watching and seeing how they manage their money.

952
01:01:25.660 --> 01:01:29.740
One thing that I used to tell girlfriends of mine, I had one friend that she did not

953
01:01:29.740 --> 01:01:33.860
want to date anybody that didn't make good money.

954
01:01:33.860 --> 01:01:39.820
And I remember telling her, well, I would much rather date a man that's maybe making

955
01:01:39.820 --> 01:01:46.220
only like, let's just say $50,000 a year, but he budgets and manages his money and he's

956
01:01:46.220 --> 01:01:52.100
only spending maybe $40,000 a year because that tells me he's, he's keeping $10,000 a

957
01:01:52.100 --> 01:01:53.580
year in savings.

958
01:01:53.580 --> 01:01:59.580
To me, that's good money management as opposed to somebody that maybe is making $250,000

959
01:01:59.580 --> 01:02:02.100
a year, but he's spending money.

960
01:02:02.100 --> 01:02:03.860
He's spending half a million dollars a year.

961
01:02:03.860 --> 01:02:06.140
Now he's $250,000 in debt.

962
01:02:06.140 --> 01:02:10.040
I don't, it's not sometimes about how much money they're making.

963
01:02:10.040 --> 01:02:11.780
It's about what is their behavior with money.

964
01:02:11.780 --> 01:02:15.660
And ladies, you're not going to see that in the first date.

965
01:02:15.660 --> 01:02:20.380
Now you can get glimmers of this, like if he was uncomfortable and then you maybe decided

966
01:02:20.380 --> 01:02:26.260
to go on a second date and you're realizing like this guy just isn't in a position to

967
01:02:26.260 --> 01:02:29.620
be able to provide, or he's moving in that direction.

968
01:02:29.620 --> 01:02:36.060
Like I know, you know, when you, you may come across men that are divorced and maybe they

969
01:02:36.060 --> 01:02:40.740
had, they have debts from their divorce and child support and things like that, but they're

970
01:02:40.740 --> 01:02:49.020
making progress and they're showing a maturity on how they're looking at that situation.

971
01:02:49.020 --> 01:02:54.940
And again, like that's kind of a deep dive that you wouldn't necessarily find out about

972
01:02:54.940 --> 01:02:56.780
them on a first or second date.

973
01:02:56.780 --> 01:02:59.260
It might take a little bit of time.

974
01:02:59.260 --> 01:03:04.980
So I love that that is important to you because that was the same way for me.

975
01:03:04.980 --> 01:03:10.300
Like I worked hard because I was a single mom and I busted my butt waiting tables to

976
01:03:10.860 --> 01:03:11.860
make really good money.

977
01:03:11.860 --> 01:03:13.900
I didn't have debt.

978
01:03:13.900 --> 01:03:18.460
I had money in savings, but I didn't want to stay there.

979
01:03:18.460 --> 01:03:25.060
Like I really wanted to enjoy to be home with my kids and also spend time with my husband

980
01:03:25.060 --> 01:03:29.140
and like provide a home for my family.

981
01:03:29.140 --> 01:03:31.220
And that was, that was important to me.

982
01:03:31.220 --> 01:03:34.140
And that's not every woman, but that was me.

983
01:03:34.140 --> 01:03:38.140
So I relate to you in that sense.

984
01:03:38.580 --> 01:03:39.580
Yeah.

985
01:03:39.580 --> 01:03:42.580
You know, obviously you thanked him and he said, well, that was a good investment.

986
01:03:42.580 --> 01:03:44.580
I mean, he's probably just uncomfortable.

987
01:03:44.580 --> 01:03:50.340
It would be my guess is that he was probably a little embarrassed.

988
01:03:50.340 --> 01:03:54.780
And you know, if you decide like if it was a complete no, like don't feel like you have

989
01:03:54.780 --> 01:03:59.500
to go on a second date, but if you'd be open to just be looking out for those types of

990
01:03:59.500 --> 01:04:01.940
things, hopefully that kind of helps.

991
01:04:01.940 --> 01:04:07.500
And ladies, I think it's important for us to be reminded of that because yes, masculine

992
01:04:07.500 --> 01:04:11.260
men will naturally, the divine masculine is to provide.

993
01:04:11.260 --> 01:04:18.100
And sometimes it's not just a financial provision, but it is a emotional provision.

994
01:04:18.100 --> 01:04:22.180
Like there's all sorts of things that men can do to be providers.

995
01:04:22.180 --> 01:04:24.620
So I mean, I experienced that with my husband.

996
01:04:24.620 --> 01:04:32.120
Now my husband made decent money, so I could be a stay at home mom and a wife and I homeschooled

997
01:04:32.120 --> 01:04:33.740
our kids.

998
01:04:33.740 --> 01:04:35.700
We did that for a year.

999
01:04:35.700 --> 01:04:36.940
It's not for me.

1000
01:04:37.740 --> 01:04:43.540
We decided to put our kids in school next year, but then he, some things happened with

1001
01:04:43.540 --> 01:04:45.660
his job and he had to walk away.

1002
01:04:45.660 --> 01:04:50.460
And now he's starting from scratch and is an entrepreneur and is doing his own business.

1003
01:04:50.460 --> 01:04:53.740
And you know, ladies, like I'll be candid with you.

1004
01:04:53.740 --> 01:04:56.940
We are like, he's not making the money that he did before.

1005
01:04:56.940 --> 01:05:00.020
And we're really having to budget and manage our finances.

1006
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.720
a lot differently than what I had anticipated.

1007
01:05:02.720 --> 01:05:07.120
So just know that when you get to know somebody

1008
01:05:07.120 --> 01:05:10.600
or you're getting in a relationship with somebody,

1009
01:05:10.600 --> 01:05:13.120
there can be all sorts of ups and downs.

1010
01:05:13.120 --> 01:05:15.960
Like finances can go high and can go low.

1011
01:05:15.960 --> 01:05:20.800
And it's how that person is communicating with you.

1012
01:05:20.800 --> 01:05:24.600
It's how you work together.

1013
01:05:24.600 --> 01:05:26.040
There's all sorts of things.

1014
01:05:26.040 --> 01:05:29.520
And so it's not just looking at like that,

1015
01:05:29.560 --> 01:05:32.720
but knowing like, how else are they providing for you?

1016
01:05:32.720 --> 01:05:35.400
But I do think, Melissa, you bring up a good point.

1017
01:05:35.400 --> 01:05:37.520
Like, I think it's important for us to know

1018
01:05:37.520 --> 01:05:41.120
that as women, it's okay for men to provide,

1019
01:05:41.120 --> 01:05:44.040
especially when you're on these dates.

1020
01:05:44.040 --> 01:05:46.840
Like it's nice to be cared for.

1021
01:05:46.840 --> 01:05:48.720
It's nice to be taken out.

1022
01:05:48.720 --> 01:05:51.080
But we don't have to have expectations

1023
01:05:51.080 --> 01:05:52.760
for them to take us to fancy restaurants.

1024
01:05:52.760 --> 01:05:53.720
And I'm not saying that, Melissa,

1025
01:05:53.720 --> 01:05:55.320
that that's what you're doing.

1026
01:05:55.320 --> 01:05:57.560
But I think this is good thing for everybody to hear.

1027
01:05:57.560 --> 01:06:00.280
So I really appreciate that you brought this up.

1028
01:06:00.280 --> 01:06:03.280
Is there anything else that you want to add to that, Melissa?

1029
01:06:04.680 --> 01:06:06.360
I just want to say thank you so much.

1030
01:06:06.360 --> 01:06:07.560
Oh, I can't hear you.

1031
01:06:09.040 --> 01:06:09.960
Oh, how about now?

1032
01:06:09.960 --> 01:06:10.800
Can you hear me?

1033
01:06:10.800 --> 01:06:11.640
A little better.

1034
01:06:11.640 --> 01:06:12.480
It's a little soft,

1035
01:06:12.480 --> 01:06:14.680
but I can always turn my volume up a little bit.

1036
01:06:15.680 --> 01:06:17.440
Are you away from your microphone?

1037
01:06:18.400 --> 01:06:20.400
I think I'm right by it, actually.

1038
01:06:20.400 --> 01:06:21.560
Okay, that's better.

1039
01:06:23.440 --> 01:06:25.280
I just wanted to say thank you so much, Carla,

1040
01:06:25.280 --> 01:06:27.400
and for your kind and encouraging words.

1041
01:06:28.080 --> 01:06:33.080
And yeah, I just, I really, I appreciate what you said.

1042
01:06:33.120 --> 01:06:35.440
I think that it's on point.

1043
01:06:35.440 --> 01:06:38.080
And, you know, to me, it's about the man's character.

1044
01:06:38.080 --> 01:06:38.920
You know what I mean?

1045
01:06:38.920 --> 01:06:40.720
If I can trust his heart and his character,

1046
01:06:40.720 --> 01:06:43.520
and like, I just, I find that,

1047
01:06:43.520 --> 01:06:45.640
and especially with so much fatherlessness,

1048
01:06:45.640 --> 01:06:47.600
there's not a lot of good modeling.

1049
01:06:47.600 --> 01:06:49.800
And so I just don't want to be,

1050
01:06:49.800 --> 01:06:51.760
I just don't want to be the man in the relationship.

1051
01:06:51.760 --> 01:06:54.000
So everything you said is on point.

1052
01:06:54.000 --> 01:06:56.120
And I think the other thing too,

1053
01:06:56.120 --> 01:07:00.120
is I found that I wasn't able to feel safe

1054
01:07:00.120 --> 01:07:03.080
or respected or rest in my feminine,

1055
01:07:03.080 --> 01:07:05.000
because I honestly started to feel like,

1056
01:07:05.000 --> 01:07:08.760
wait, I think he might've been a bit of a male gold digger,

1057
01:07:08.760 --> 01:07:09.680
to be honest with you,

1058
01:07:09.680 --> 01:07:11.400
because of some of the questions,

1059
01:07:11.400 --> 01:07:14.440
social questions he asked me, like, what is your salary?

1060
01:07:14.440 --> 01:07:16.680
Oh, I see that you have this type of credit card.

1061
01:07:16.680 --> 01:07:19.080
Oh, I mean, it was just like very inappropriate.

1062
01:07:19.080 --> 01:07:20.200
And so.

1063
01:07:20.200 --> 01:07:21.840
That, yeah.

1064
01:07:21.840 --> 01:07:24.240
Now that you say that 100%,

1065
01:07:24.280 --> 01:07:27.880
like, if that, again, ladies, if it's a yes,

1066
01:07:27.880 --> 01:07:29.280
it's a yes until it's a no.

1067
01:07:29.280 --> 01:07:31.600
And those can be things that are just no.

1068
01:07:31.600 --> 01:07:33.240
If you know that you're not comfortable with it,

1069
01:07:33.240 --> 01:07:35.120
I think on a first date,

1070
01:07:35.120 --> 01:07:37.640
I wouldn't have been comfortable with that.

1071
01:07:37.640 --> 01:07:40.080
Ladies, men should not be asking you your salary

1072
01:07:40.080 --> 01:07:42.040
and should be making comments on that.

1073
01:07:42.040 --> 01:07:43.200
I mean, yes, we give them grace.

1074
01:07:43.200 --> 01:07:46.160
They may not know better, but yeah.

1075
01:07:46.160 --> 01:07:47.920
I mean, I teach my children.

1076
01:07:48.880 --> 01:07:51.240
You don't ask people how much they make.

1077
01:07:51.600 --> 01:07:53.520
What's that, Melissa?

1078
01:07:53.520 --> 01:07:54.520
I think it was alarming.

1079
01:07:54.520 --> 01:07:56.040
It was alarming to be asked that.

1080
01:07:56.040 --> 01:07:57.360
And of course I said,

1081
01:07:57.360 --> 01:08:00.200
I am not gonna tell you my salary, and I didn't.

1082
01:08:00.200 --> 01:08:03.960
But that's the other thing I find is especially like,

1083
01:08:03.960 --> 01:08:05.200
if you're a successful woman

1084
01:08:05.200 --> 01:08:09.480
and like a guy hasn't really been successful on his own,

1085
01:08:09.480 --> 01:08:11.240
sometimes they're looking for a come up.

1086
01:08:11.240 --> 01:08:14.400
And that's something that I'm more cognizant of now,

1087
01:08:14.400 --> 01:08:15.480
just to be aware of that.

1088
01:08:15.480 --> 01:08:16.319
Because then he was also like,

1089
01:08:16.319 --> 01:08:18.040
oh, tell me about your living situation.

1090
01:08:18.040 --> 01:08:18.880
It was like, he was like,

1091
01:08:18.920 --> 01:08:20.680
oh, tell me about your living situation.

1092
01:08:20.680 --> 01:08:22.399
It was like, he was assessing my,

1093
01:08:22.399 --> 01:08:23.240
what I have to offer.

1094
01:08:23.240 --> 01:08:26.120
And I'm like, sir, what are you bringing to the table?

1095
01:08:26.120 --> 01:08:29.319
Like, please tell me what you are offering here because,

1096
01:08:29.319 --> 01:08:32.040
and I did end it, but I think that that's my concern.

1097
01:08:32.040 --> 01:08:33.479
And then I saw another situation

1098
01:08:33.479 --> 01:08:35.560
that seemed like it would be going down a similar road

1099
01:08:35.560 --> 01:08:37.439
and I didn't even go down the road.

1100
01:08:37.439 --> 01:08:38.279
Yeah.

1101
01:08:39.120 --> 01:08:40.399
This is looking similar.

1102
01:08:40.399 --> 01:08:42.319
And so I don't wanna cut everything off,

1103
01:08:42.319 --> 01:08:43.439
but that's kind of why I'm saying,

1104
01:08:43.439 --> 01:08:45.200
how do I vet these guys?

1105
01:08:45.200 --> 01:08:47.960
But like you said, Carlyann, it just may take time

1106
01:08:47.960 --> 01:08:50.439
because this guy recently, he was like,

1107
01:08:50.439 --> 01:08:51.279
he was even like,

1108
01:08:51.279 --> 01:08:53.279
yeah, I've just been goofing off with my finances.

1109
01:08:53.279 --> 01:08:55.160
I'm like, sir, you're in your late thirties,

1110
01:08:55.160 --> 01:08:57.000
like goofing off in your finances

1111
01:08:57.000 --> 01:09:00.160
is not the phrase you wanna be saying, like even recently.

1112
01:09:00.160 --> 01:09:03.479
So anyway, yeah, all of that said,

1113
01:09:03.479 --> 01:09:07.040
I do appreciate it, Carlyann, and thank you so much.

1114
01:09:07.040 --> 01:09:08.800
Absolutely, you are welcome.

1115
01:09:08.800 --> 01:09:10.359
You are so welcome.

1116
01:09:11.319 --> 01:09:14.880
Okay, Isabel, I see your hand.

1117
01:09:14.880 --> 01:09:17.640
Jenna also has a question in the comments.

1118
01:09:18.319 --> 01:09:20.000
I'm not sure if there's any more questions.

1119
01:09:20.000 --> 01:09:22.720
We are past time right now.

1120
01:09:22.720 --> 01:09:27.720
So if you need to get off, by all means, you can get off.

1121
01:09:27.840 --> 01:09:29.760
I don't wanna hold you hostage.

1122
01:09:29.760 --> 01:09:32.040
I wanna be mindful of your time.

1123
01:09:32.040 --> 01:09:35.399
So if you need to jump off, that's totally fine.

1124
01:09:35.399 --> 01:09:39.279
I'm gonna stay on and go through Jenna's question

1125
01:09:39.279 --> 01:09:42.240
and Isabel, I'll take your question as well.

1126
01:09:42.240 --> 01:09:44.800
But if you wanna stay on, you're more than welcome to,

1127
01:09:44.800 --> 01:09:46.000
to go through those two questions.

1128
01:09:46.040 --> 01:09:49.160
But if you have to go, by all means, go ahead.

1129
01:09:50.279 --> 01:09:54.080
Isabel, is Jenna on here?

1130
01:09:54.080 --> 01:09:57.200
I'm gonna make sure you are.

1131
01:09:57.200 --> 01:09:59.080
Yeah, I am on, yeah.

1132
01:09:59.080 --> 01:10:00.160
Are you able to stay?

1133
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.080
a little bit and Isabel are you able to stay?

1134
01:10:04.960 --> 01:10:08.800
Yes I'm good to stay. Okay I'm going to read through Jenna's first and then

1135
01:10:08.800 --> 01:10:12.080
Isabel I'll take you okay?

1136
01:10:12.080 --> 01:10:15.520
All right so Jenna she says I have a question I just got out of a short

1137
01:10:15.520 --> 01:10:18.800
one week long relationship with a guy who was an

1138
01:10:18.800 --> 01:10:24.400
oversharer. I'm like I was an oversharer too so I totally get that.

1139
01:10:24.400 --> 01:10:29.840
He would want to talk for five to seven hours a day we are both

1140
01:10:29.840 --> 01:10:33.920
currently unemployed. I found out through mutual friends that he

1141
01:10:33.920 --> 01:10:38.000
had a major anger issue and also narcissistic tendencies. I broke

1142
01:10:38.000 --> 01:10:40.800
off the relationship because there were too many red flags.

1143
01:10:40.800 --> 01:10:44.560
I have a ministry degree and it often feels like guys want to talk to me more

1144
01:10:44.560 --> 01:10:50.480
as a pastor or fellow pastor than as someone

1145
01:10:50.480 --> 01:10:54.560
or a fellow pastor as someone that they are interested in. How do I navigate the

1146
01:10:54.560 --> 01:10:59.120
oversharers or intellectual guys that like to talk a lot? Okay good

1147
01:10:59.120 --> 01:11:04.560
question. So Jenna first off my question is

1148
01:11:04.560 --> 01:11:07.680
when you say you were in this week-long relationship like

1149
01:11:07.680 --> 01:11:11.840
it was exclusive for a week like did you get to know each other

1150
01:11:11.840 --> 01:11:16.320
prior and then you got in a relationship and then that only lasted a week before

1151
01:11:16.320 --> 01:11:19.840
or it was you met and were in relationship for just that first week?

1152
01:11:19.840 --> 01:11:23.840
Can you help me? Yeah we actually met through Facebook. He

1153
01:11:23.840 --> 01:11:26.960
sent me a friend request and so it was kind of an

1154
01:11:26.960 --> 01:11:30.480
exclusive like it kind of took off before I even knew what was happening

1155
01:11:30.480 --> 01:11:35.920
kind of thing just because of this guy's personality and

1156
01:11:35.920 --> 01:11:40.960
yeah he very because he had been previously divorced and had been broken

1157
01:11:40.960 --> 01:11:45.120
up with two or three other times he

1158
01:11:45.120 --> 01:11:48.800
basically dumped everything all of his highs lows

1159
01:11:48.800 --> 01:11:52.080
mediums the whole the whole nine yards but I

1160
01:11:52.080 --> 01:11:54.960
also found out that he had lied to me about

1161
01:11:54.960 --> 01:11:59.840
two fairly significant events and I also found out through mutual

1162
01:11:59.840 --> 01:12:04.880
friends that he had some pretty big issues especially

1163
01:12:04.880 --> 01:12:09.280
when it came to women like he even when he would talk he would not

1164
01:12:09.280 --> 01:12:13.840
say anything positive except for anybody except for his spiritual

1165
01:12:13.840 --> 01:12:18.880
mother that was a woman like negative stuff to say about everyone and so

1166
01:12:18.880 --> 01:12:23.840
yeah so okay

1167
01:12:25.920 --> 01:12:30.880
yeah sorry I'm just I'm I'm writing a few things down because I

1168
01:12:30.880 --> 01:12:33.280
didn't want to miss everything that you said

1169
01:12:33.280 --> 01:12:36.800
okay so you so you're wanting to know how to navigate

1170
01:12:36.800 --> 01:12:40.400
some of these types of things so yeah

1171
01:12:40.880 --> 01:12:47.840
I will encourage you ladies do not just jump all in with a person

1172
01:12:47.840 --> 01:12:50.960
right when you first first meet so Jenna

1173
01:12:50.960 --> 01:12:54.880
one way that we can navigate through that is actually taking time just to get

1174
01:12:54.880 --> 01:12:59.120
to know a person and you this is your first week in phase

1175
01:12:59.120 --> 01:13:03.920
two correct yeah okay so yeah

1176
01:13:03.920 --> 01:13:07.200
as you watch the videos a lot of this will kind of

1177
01:13:07.200 --> 01:13:11.280
unpack itself and I think you're going to get some really good pointers

1178
01:13:11.280 --> 01:13:15.840
with how to navigate different dating a little bit differently than maybe we've

1179
01:13:15.840 --> 01:13:19.440
done in the past because I was an overshare I typically

1180
01:13:19.440 --> 01:13:23.600
got in a relationship with people that were over shares as soon as I met them

1181
01:13:23.600 --> 01:13:26.320
and went on a first date it was like they were my boyfriend

1182
01:13:26.320 --> 01:13:30.880
like I say this having that experience like I have

1183
01:13:30.880 --> 01:13:35.520
been there one thing that you will learn through this phase especially

1184
01:13:35.520 --> 01:13:38.800
is actually taking time to get to know people kind of

1185
01:13:38.800 --> 01:13:45.760
on a easy breezy kind of level like that surface

1186
01:13:45.760 --> 01:13:49.120
level not deep diving and finding ways to

1187
01:13:49.120 --> 01:13:53.920
kind of create those boundaries and also being able to redirect people

1188
01:13:53.920 --> 01:13:58.080
that might want to overshare or maybe they ask you

1189
01:13:58.080 --> 01:14:03.280
questions that seems like a little intrusive or like if you've been

1190
01:14:03.280 --> 01:14:05.760
like for example if you've been divorced

1191
01:14:05.760 --> 01:14:10.240
or in past long-term relationships like I had it I had a child

1192
01:14:10.240 --> 01:14:14.080
I was never married so a lot of people want to be like well what went wrong in

1193
01:14:14.080 --> 01:14:17.440
that relationship that's kind of personal like you're not

1194
01:14:17.440 --> 01:14:21.680
going to want to share personal information with a complete

1195
01:14:21.680 --> 01:14:25.680
stranger that you really don't know so it's really taking

1196
01:14:25.680 --> 01:14:29.360
time getting to know someone on the surface

1197
01:14:29.360 --> 01:14:32.720
what do they like you can talk about your job

1198
01:14:32.800 --> 01:14:39.840
things that they enjoy doing how they like what their relationships

1199
01:14:39.840 --> 01:14:42.320
are like with their family like positive things

1200
01:14:42.320 --> 01:14:47.040
about them and really having that level two relationship so

1201
01:14:47.040 --> 01:14:51.440
you'll learn in this phase that we Jackie will break it down into like levels of

1202
01:14:51.440 --> 01:14:54.880
dating there's level one which is just kind of whoever you are

1203
01:14:54.960 --> 01:14:58.960
in with in community and then level two is

1204
01:14:58.960 --> 01:15:01.920
you are

1205
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.740
interested in getting to know more about a person.

1206
01:15:02.740 --> 01:15:05.700
So this can be men and women.

1207
01:15:05.700 --> 01:15:09.000
So maybe you're making new friends that are, you know,

1208
01:15:09.000 --> 01:15:11.220
like myself, like I moved to a new area.

1209
01:15:11.220 --> 01:15:12.660
I don't know a lot of women.

1210
01:15:12.660 --> 01:15:13.740
I don't have a lot of girlfriends.

1211
01:15:13.740 --> 01:15:17.220
I have my husband and our family and his family,

1212
01:15:17.220 --> 01:15:18.460
but I don't have any girlfriends.

1213
01:15:18.460 --> 01:15:20.860
And so I had to start, you know,

1214
01:15:20.860 --> 01:15:23.220
putting myself out there and getting to know people

1215
01:15:23.220 --> 01:15:25.220
and building these level two relationships

1216
01:15:25.220 --> 01:15:27.740
and be like, I really find this person interesting.

1217
01:15:27.740 --> 01:15:29.640
I want to get to know them better.

1218
01:15:29.640 --> 01:15:33.040
So, you know, having, you know, ladies ask me,

1219
01:15:33.040 --> 01:15:34.560
oh, you know, let's go out to coffee.

1220
01:15:34.560 --> 01:15:36.220
I was in a homeschool co-op.

1221
01:15:36.220 --> 01:15:39.000
Some of the women wanted to get to know me better.

1222
01:15:39.000 --> 01:15:40.560
My son's baseball team.

1223
01:15:40.560 --> 01:15:42.800
Those level two relationships are,

1224
01:15:42.800 --> 01:15:45.160
you find something interesting about them.

1225
01:15:45.160 --> 01:15:46.400
You're intrigued by them.

1226
01:15:46.400 --> 01:15:47.720
You want to get to know them better.

1227
01:15:47.720 --> 01:15:49.400
So that's that level two.

1228
01:15:49.400 --> 01:15:52.760
And this is where we encourage you ladies in your dating,

1229
01:15:52.760 --> 01:15:56.480
that you have a couple people that you're getting to know

1230
01:15:56.480 --> 01:15:58.640
as far as like men go.

1231
01:15:58.640 --> 01:15:59.480
So it's just,

1232
01:15:59.480 --> 01:16:01.320
you're really just trying to keep things surface.

1233
01:16:01.320 --> 01:16:03.880
You don't want to jump into a level three

1234
01:16:03.880 --> 01:16:06.480
exclusive relationship right away.

1235
01:16:06.480 --> 01:16:08.760
Typically there will happen.

1236
01:16:08.760 --> 01:16:10.160
Like when that happens,

1237
01:16:10.160 --> 01:16:12.000
you'll see a lot of that trauma bonding,

1238
01:16:12.000 --> 01:16:15.640
which is they're going to dump all their stuff.

1239
01:16:15.640 --> 01:16:17.240
They're going to ask you to kind of share

1240
01:16:17.240 --> 01:16:18.560
some of their stuff.

1241
01:16:18.560 --> 01:16:21.680
And then all of a sudden you're kind of like,

1242
01:16:21.680 --> 01:16:23.360
you're making connections.

1243
01:16:23.360 --> 01:16:26.760
Like you've gotten to know a deep part of their life

1244
01:16:26.760 --> 01:16:29.000
and they know a deep part of your life.

1245
01:16:29.000 --> 01:16:31.120
And you really still are strangers

1246
01:16:31.120 --> 01:16:32.760
getting to know each other.

1247
01:16:32.760 --> 01:16:35.680
So, and to kind of navigate that,

1248
01:16:35.680 --> 01:16:38.920
it is really learning boundaries.

1249
01:16:38.920 --> 01:16:41.000
And so that is in one of our videos,

1250
01:16:41.000 --> 01:16:43.160
like ways that you can redirect a question.

1251
01:16:43.160 --> 01:16:44.320
So if they're asking you,

1252
01:16:44.320 --> 01:16:49.040
oh, well tell me about your divorce

1253
01:16:49.040 --> 01:16:52.480
or your past relationship and what went wrong.

1254
01:16:52.480 --> 01:16:55.680
The way that you can navigate through that and be like,

1255
01:16:55.880 --> 01:16:57.840
that's a really good question.

1256
01:16:57.840 --> 01:17:01.080
And right now I just want to get to know you

1257
01:17:01.080 --> 01:17:05.160
and maybe in the future, depending on how far this goes,

1258
01:17:05.160 --> 01:17:09.560
we can address that conversation on another day.

1259
01:17:09.560 --> 01:17:11.720
Let's just get to know each other a little better

1260
01:17:11.720 --> 01:17:13.240
about what things interest you

1261
01:17:13.240 --> 01:17:16.080
and then redirect with a new question.

1262
01:17:16.080 --> 01:17:17.760
Hey, what's your favorite movie?

1263
01:17:17.760 --> 01:17:19.120
Why do you like it?

1264
01:17:19.120 --> 01:17:22.320
What type of genre of movies do you tend to gravitate to?

1265
01:17:22.360 --> 01:17:25.400
And find something kind of light and fun to talk about.

1266
01:17:26.400 --> 01:17:29.600
Those are things that I would share

1267
01:17:29.600 --> 01:17:31.280
as far as kind of navigating,

1268
01:17:31.280 --> 01:17:34.840
kind of going into those types of relationships.

1269
01:17:34.840 --> 01:17:38.160
Again, five to seven hours of talking each day.

1270
01:17:40.360 --> 01:17:41.360
That's exhausting.

1271
01:17:43.960 --> 01:17:44.880
I don't know about you ladies,

1272
01:17:44.880 --> 01:17:47.320
but that would be super exhausting.

1273
01:17:47.320 --> 01:17:48.680
And I can only imagine.

1274
01:17:49.680 --> 01:17:54.000
So, and then as far as like the question that you had about,

1275
01:17:54.000 --> 01:17:55.360
if you have this ministry

1276
01:17:55.360 --> 01:17:57.040
and people typically want to talk to you

1277
01:17:57.040 --> 01:17:58.600
about that kind of stuff,

1278
01:17:58.600 --> 01:18:00.960
I don't have a lot of experience there,

1279
01:18:00.960 --> 01:18:04.640
but I can probably share,

1280
01:18:04.640 --> 01:18:06.720
like get some feedback from Bethany

1281
01:18:06.720 --> 01:18:09.440
because she's obviously in ministry as well,

1282
01:18:09.440 --> 01:18:10.440
as well as Jackie.

1283
01:18:10.440 --> 01:18:13.800
So they might be able to give a little more insight

1284
01:18:13.800 --> 01:18:15.840
to that type of question.

1285
01:18:15.840 --> 01:18:17.640
So, and then the same thing with Renee,

1286
01:18:18.280 --> 01:18:22.320
I think she's got a more experience with that as well.

1287
01:18:22.320 --> 01:18:27.320
So, I am gonna encourage you maybe to throw that question

1288
01:18:28.360 --> 01:18:29.680
up in the Facebook group

1289
01:18:29.680 --> 01:18:32.960
and then I can connect with Bethany and Renee and Jackie

1290
01:18:32.960 --> 01:18:34.800
and maybe they'll have some pointers

1291
01:18:34.800 --> 01:18:36.160
about how to navigate that.

1292
01:18:36.160 --> 01:18:37.920
I just don't have experience with it.

1293
01:18:37.920 --> 01:18:41.920
So I don't want to give you any advice

1294
01:18:41.920 --> 01:18:45.800
that maybe it's not the best advice.

1295
01:18:45.960 --> 01:18:48.360
Okay, no, that'd be great.

1296
01:18:48.360 --> 01:18:49.320
Awesome.

1297
01:18:49.320 --> 01:18:51.760
Is there anything else that you have to share or?

1298
01:18:53.040 --> 01:18:54.920
No, I think that's mostly the only thing.

1299
01:18:54.920 --> 01:18:58.320
I seem to end up with very intellectual guys

1300
01:18:58.320 --> 01:19:00.840
who want to have like theological debates and stuff.

1301
01:19:00.840 --> 01:19:03.520
And so it gets a lot.

1302
01:19:03.520 --> 01:19:05.400
Yeah, I get that.

1303
01:19:05.400 --> 01:19:07.240
I totally get that.

1304
01:19:07.240 --> 01:19:11.960
But just again, it's that redirecting

1305
01:19:11.960 --> 01:19:14.680
maybe to some more fun lighthearted type of conversation

1306
01:19:14.680 --> 01:19:19.520
to be like, this is a great conversation.

1307
01:19:19.520 --> 01:19:21.680
Maybe we can address this on a later time

1308
01:19:21.680 --> 01:19:23.280
but I really just want to get to know

1309
01:19:23.280 --> 01:19:25.080
like what you like the most,

1310
01:19:25.080 --> 01:19:28.200
like your favorite movies, your favorite activities,

1311
01:19:28.200 --> 01:19:30.520
like what are some of your favorite vacations

1312
01:19:30.520 --> 01:19:31.360
you've been on?

1313
01:19:31.360 --> 01:19:32.600
Do you like to travel?

1314
01:19:32.600 --> 01:19:33.640
Things of those natures

1315
01:19:33.640 --> 01:19:37.880
or things that like you are intrigued by in a person.

1316
01:19:37.880 --> 01:19:39.800
Like, do you want someone that likes to travel

1317
01:19:39.800 --> 01:19:41.360
because you like to travel?

1318
01:19:42.280 --> 01:19:45.120
Do you like trying fun new restaurants

1319
01:19:45.120 --> 01:19:47.080
and you're hoping that your person

1320
01:19:47.080 --> 01:19:49.240
will also share that same interest?

1321
01:19:49.240 --> 01:19:51.320
It's finding those types of questions

1322
01:19:51.320 --> 01:19:54.040
to kind of redirect the conversation

1323
01:19:54.040 --> 01:19:57.560
so you don't go down that road of just like oversharing,

1324
01:19:57.560 --> 01:20:00.080
maybe getting into those theological.

1325
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.640
discussions that can get pretty, you know, heated. One thing I did find with this guy was that he

1326
01:20:06.640 --> 01:20:12.800
could take all of those lighthearted questions and go deep with all of them. Like me.

1327
01:20:14.400 --> 01:20:20.880
I'm just like, oh, seriously, like it was. It's just again, it's just kindly like redirecting

1328
01:20:20.880 --> 01:20:24.640
and then then that might be the no, like if you're finding that you're redirecting,

1329
01:20:24.640 --> 01:20:31.520
redirecting and it's exhausting. Like you can say, look, it's been great knowing you. I just,

1330
01:20:31.520 --> 01:20:39.520
this isn't going to go anywhere for me. If they are really great guy and they love Jesus

1331
01:20:40.160 --> 01:20:44.240
and they want marriage, like bring them to our community. We have 18. I tried.

1332
01:20:45.760 --> 01:20:51.440
And that's all you can do ladies. You can throw it out there, pass, pass the real, let them decide

1333
01:20:51.440 --> 01:20:57.600
if they want to, if they want to hook on it or not. Like that's all we can do given the

1334
01:20:57.600 --> 01:21:02.000
information, if they want it great. If they're, if they don't, maybe they get offended by it.

1335
01:21:02.000 --> 01:21:06.800
I tried to do that with one guy I dated. He didn't take it. I think he was upset that I,

1336
01:21:06.800 --> 01:21:12.720
you know, ended the, the dating with him after a couple of dates. But again, I, you can't hold

1337
01:21:12.720 --> 01:21:19.280
those types of things personal, right? No. So awesome. Okay. I want to get to Isabelle's

1338
01:21:19.280 --> 01:21:25.520
question and then I will jump off and we, and then don't forget ladies that we have the eight

1339
01:21:25.520 --> 01:21:30.800
o'clock session tonight. That's also with phase three it's with Jackie on the love seat. So if

1340
01:21:30.800 --> 01:21:37.520
you can make that eight o'clock Eastern, the link will be in our phase two group. So make sure that

1341
01:21:37.520 --> 01:21:42.880
you look in there. I believe Renee, or I think it was Renee that posted. If not Renee, then it's

1342
01:21:42.880 --> 01:21:54.000
Cheryl. Isabelle, what do you have for us? You're welcome. So I live in Asheville, North Carolina,

1343
01:21:54.000 --> 01:22:02.480
and the dating scene is rough. There's actually news articles about it. It's pretty bad. I did

1344
01:22:02.480 --> 01:22:08.800
talk to Renee briefly and she mentioned looking at some singles meetup groups and things like that.

1345
01:22:08.800 --> 01:22:18.240
And I've been looking into that and I've been finding meetup groups for people over 50, more

1346
01:22:18.240 --> 01:22:24.560
spiritual groups, which is not really what I'm looking for. And then there was some LGBTQ groups,

1347
01:22:24.560 --> 01:22:33.760
so not a lot that I would fit into. I have tried the dating apps over the years and end up deleting

1348
01:22:33.760 --> 01:22:42.800
them just because it's an interesting pool. Have you tried the apps since joining this community?

1349
01:22:43.440 --> 01:22:51.920
Yes, and if one more person asks me for my Snapchat, I will lose it. So that's pretty much

1350
01:22:51.920 --> 01:23:02.800
where things end up for me. But like I said, and even Diane emphasized, out of 10 guys you might

1351
01:23:02.800 --> 01:23:10.160
find one that can hold the conversation. I know that it can be super discouraging, but

1352
01:23:10.160 --> 01:23:14.640
when you deleted the apps, how long were you on the app before you decided to delete it?

1353
01:23:15.680 --> 01:23:24.800
Not long. Usually when I start swiping, it's exhausting. I know, and I relate to that.

1354
01:23:24.800 --> 01:23:30.320
So it does. It gets exhausting. One thing that I know worked for me, and I know it worked for a lot

1355
01:23:30.320 --> 01:23:36.960
of women, is really setting a schedule for it. Like really having to tell myself, okay, I'm only

1356
01:23:36.960 --> 01:23:44.400
going to look at the app Monday, Wednesday, Friday between this time and this time, and maybe this

1357
01:23:44.400 --> 01:23:49.840
time to this time. And that's where I did maybe my swiping. That might be where, you know, if guys

1358
01:23:49.840 --> 01:23:54.480
liked me, I checked their profile out. If I liked it, I liked them back. If I had messages in my

1359
01:23:54.480 --> 01:24:01.280
inbox, I responded to messages after looking at their profile. I gave myself a schedule so that it

1360
01:24:01.280 --> 01:24:08.720
didn't become exhausting. So, you know, again, you are an adult woman. You can make your own choices.

1361
01:24:09.280 --> 01:24:16.960
My encouragement would be is still go ahead and give those apps a shot. Don't just cut and

1362
01:24:16.960 --> 01:24:23.360
run after a couple weeks in a couple not so great situations or experiences, but just really allow

1363
01:24:23.360 --> 01:24:32.080
yourself to kind of, you know, work out the kinks and just do your best at trying to find some

1364
01:24:32.080 --> 01:24:38.160
positives. Like they're there. But again, I say this, I was where y'all are sitting.

1365
01:24:38.800 --> 01:24:47.600
You know, dating can be very exhausting. So I 100% understand. But I will tell you is

1366
01:24:48.320 --> 01:24:54.880
there's so many things that God can potentially do and opportunities that he can give you to work on

1367
01:24:55.840 --> 01:24:59.760
and help prepare you for the thing that he wants to do.

1368
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.020
You know, so, um, I didn't mean to cut you off.

1369
01:25:04.020 --> 01:25:05.180
So what else do you got?

1370
01:25:07.300 --> 01:25:12.260
I feel like just trying to figure out how to navigate in an area where there's not

1371
01:25:12.660 --> 01:25:18.900
a lot of options and even with, um, friends to a lot of the people I work with

1372
01:25:18.900 --> 01:25:23.660
aren't Christian and it's kind of hard to come across, cross people with the same

1373
01:25:23.700 --> 01:25:29.340
values and, um, at our church, I've tried to get involved with, they have a

1374
01:25:29.480 --> 01:25:35.160
college and career group, but it's more college students and that's not, it's

1375
01:25:35.160 --> 01:25:39.120
a very different part of my life than what they're in.

1376
01:25:39.120 --> 01:25:44.280
So it's been kind of hard to even get into some sort of a community.

1377
01:25:46.160 --> 01:25:49.440
But what are some things that you, what are some things that you enjoy?

1378
01:25:50.220 --> 01:25:52.620
How long, how long have you been in the Asheville area?

1379
01:25:52.640 --> 01:25:54.760
Like, have you been here all your life?

1380
01:25:55.360 --> 01:25:57.800
I have been here for four years.

1381
01:25:57.900 --> 01:25:58.400
Okay.

1382
01:25:58.740 --> 01:26:06.580
So, um, definitely moving is in my future, but I'm not sure where, um, my job is

1383
01:26:06.580 --> 01:26:09.140
going to take me, so I'm kind of working through that.

1384
01:26:09.820 --> 01:26:15.020
Um, but haven't been on dates since I've moved here.

1385
01:26:15.020 --> 01:26:18.900
Haven't really made any friends other than work friends.

1386
01:26:19.020 --> 01:26:24.140
Um, and even then most of them are married, so I can't meet people

1387
01:26:24.140 --> 01:26:26.100
through people in that scenario.

1388
01:26:26.560 --> 01:26:29.960
Have you, have you opened up to any of those people about, you know,

1389
01:26:29.960 --> 01:26:32.000
you're single and open to dating?

1390
01:26:32.720 --> 01:26:33.840
Yeah, definitely.

1391
01:26:33.920 --> 01:26:40.480
Um, and I think a lot of my community that I'm around, they all moved here as

1392
01:26:40.480 --> 01:26:43.360
well, so they also don't have connections.

1393
01:26:43.360 --> 01:26:46.960
So we're all just kind of just winging it.

1394
01:26:47.800 --> 01:26:48.400
Totally get it.

1395
01:26:48.400 --> 01:26:55.760
So I, I lived in, um, Sarasota, Florida, so I totally get the

1396
01:26:55.780 --> 01:26:58.740
dating scene because it's just a lot of old people.

1397
01:26:58.740 --> 01:27:02.540
I mean, it's a, it was a wealthier area, so not a lot of singles

1398
01:27:02.540 --> 01:27:04.420
really can afford to live there.

1399
01:27:05.420 --> 01:27:07.260
And I, and I, so I totally get it.

1400
01:27:07.260 --> 01:27:11.020
I think the best thing is, you know, we're just going to be praying that God

1401
01:27:11.020 --> 01:27:13.860
will just give you supernatural.

1402
01:27:14.700 --> 01:27:19.020
Divine appointments with people, making connections, finding a friend

1403
01:27:19.020 --> 01:27:23.180
group, and just looking for those opportunities, like, you know, get

1404
01:27:23.180 --> 01:27:27.400
yourself out, go, go to places that you enjoy, maybe it's, you know, coffee

1405
01:27:27.400 --> 01:27:31.080
shops, like, you know, one thing that one of my friends that I met in this

1406
01:27:31.080 --> 01:27:34.160
community, like she is a coffee shop queen.

1407
01:27:34.400 --> 01:27:38.940
She likes to find all of the quaint, cute coffee shops and researching

1408
01:27:38.940 --> 01:27:40.560
them and then going and visiting them.

1409
01:27:40.560 --> 01:27:44.440
So, you know, maybe it's like, if coffee's your thing going and, you

1410
01:27:44.440 --> 01:27:48.640
know, going and trying about a bunch of new different places, maybe taking a

1411
01:27:48.640 --> 01:27:54.020
road trip, maybe driving an hour or two hours somewhere, taking a weekend and

1412
01:27:54.020 --> 01:28:01.860
just, you know, talking to strangers, you know, just making connections with

1413
01:28:01.860 --> 01:28:06.100
people and seeing kind of what God will do and unfold for you.

1414
01:28:06.580 --> 01:28:13.620
Um, don't lose hope, just pray for the next right thing.

1415
01:28:14.080 --> 01:28:21.160
Like what is God speaking to you that he has for your life and what steps

1416
01:28:21.160 --> 01:28:23.100
you can take to move in that direction?

1417
01:28:23.100 --> 01:28:28.320
Cause even Jackie will talk about like, um, putting legs on our prayers.

1418
01:28:28.320 --> 01:28:31.680
Sometimes it's imperfect action of just, you know, getting out there.

1419
01:28:31.680 --> 01:28:36.480
So what is God speaking to you to do in this season to maybe build some

1420
01:28:36.480 --> 01:28:42.640
relationships, put things on your Jesus cares board, um, things of that nature.

1421
01:28:44.620 --> 01:28:45.600
Yeah, that's perfect.

1422
01:28:45.840 --> 01:28:46.440
Thank you.

1423
01:28:47.720 --> 01:28:48.920
I'm praying for you.

1424
01:28:48.920 --> 01:28:52.400
Cause I, I really, I told, I totally get that, you know?

1425
01:28:52.860 --> 01:28:56.860
Um, and, you know, just be praying for God to open doors and, and, and share

1426
01:28:56.860 --> 01:29:02.160
with, share with you what he has in this season and even where your job

1427
01:29:02.160 --> 01:29:04.320
is going and things that you can do.

1428
01:29:04.860 --> 01:29:09.920
Um, I don't know if you ladies, I know some of you are new, like there, we

1429
01:29:09.920 --> 01:29:14.840
give you the, the challenge of, you know, posting it on your social media

1430
01:29:14.840 --> 01:29:18.960
that you are open to dating and putting it out there.

1431
01:29:19.400 --> 01:29:21.400
Um, I did that myself.

1432
01:29:21.440 --> 01:29:25.000
Like I, you know, I had hundreds and hundreds of friends on Facebook

1433
01:29:25.000 --> 01:29:26.560
and I just shared with everybody.

1434
01:29:26.560 --> 01:29:28.520
Look, this is what I'm looking for.

1435
01:29:28.940 --> 01:29:30.260
I am ready to date.

1436
01:29:30.260 --> 01:29:32.480
I'm ready to look at marriage.

1437
01:29:32.900 --> 01:29:35.600
Here's some of my, you know, these are my non-negotiables.

1438
01:29:35.660 --> 01:29:39.240
If you know anybody, please send them in my direction.

1439
01:29:39.240 --> 01:29:43.960
And I have like a few people connect with me and introduce me to a few people.

1440
01:29:43.960 --> 01:29:46.160
They weren't my people, but I put it out there.

1441
01:29:46.160 --> 01:29:49.480
Like I got myself out of hiding and started doing that.

1442
01:29:49.480 --> 01:29:53.120
So maybe that's something, if you haven't done, maybe God is, you know,

1443
01:29:53.120 --> 01:29:55.000
going to nudge you to do the same thing.

1444
01:29:55.400 --> 01:30:00.000
Um, again, finding things that you like and enjoy and just getting.

1445
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:07.840
in doing that. So hopefully that helps. Just keep us posted if you, you know, share in our group

1446
01:30:08.720 --> 01:30:14.800
what you're struggling with or breakthroughs or, you know, things that you're doing. Maybe some

1447
01:30:14.800 --> 01:30:19.520
other ladies that are not on this call right now will have some feedback of things that they

1448
01:30:19.520 --> 01:30:24.240
did that worked for them. You know, really lean on your sisters here in this community.

1449
01:30:24.960 --> 01:30:31.760
So Kendra, you said that you struggled in that area as well. And you, you just said yes to a

1450
01:30:31.760 --> 01:30:36.800
lot of things at your church. That's awesome. So that's a good thing. Like it's the season of yes,

1451
01:30:36.800 --> 01:30:40.960
maybe that was something that happened with, you know, when I was in this community, we just

1452
01:30:40.960 --> 01:30:45.760
were in a season of yes. We're just going to say yes to things that were invited, even if we don't

1453
01:30:45.760 --> 01:30:50.320
feel like we want to go, but we say yes anyway. And that's where, so Kendra, that's where you

1454
01:30:50.320 --> 01:30:56.320
started making some solid girlfriend community, but yeah, it's not the same as dating, but it is

1455
01:30:56.320 --> 01:31:02.800
the next step because you never know who you're going to meet. And if they're connected to your

1456
01:31:02.800 --> 01:31:09.360
spirit mate, like God knows who you are. Jackie used to say, God knows who you are. He knows where

1457
01:31:09.360 --> 01:31:13.520
you're going. He knows how to get, how to get things to you. I'm not saying exactly how she

1458
01:31:13.520 --> 01:31:21.520
said it, but he knows where you are and who to get it to you. Okay. She has a story about it. Like

1459
01:31:21.520 --> 01:31:26.240
hopefully one of these days she can, she can jump on and share it. She's shared it several times.

1460
01:31:26.240 --> 01:31:35.840
So just be praying into that. Sydney, you have a couple of stalker types on your Facebook page,

1461
01:31:35.840 --> 01:31:39.600
left them there because I don't want them to come here. I'm easily findable.

1462
01:31:40.320 --> 01:31:46.080
What if you have a couple of stalker types on? Okay. Cindy, I'm going to take this question for

1463
01:31:46.080 --> 01:31:52.160
you and you're welcome Isabel. I'm glad. I'm glad I was able to help and just give you some

1464
01:31:52.160 --> 01:31:58.160
encouragement. So Cindy, what do you mean by stalker stalker types? Like, are these people

1465
01:31:58.160 --> 01:32:07.200
that, you know? Yes. And I, so if I put on Facebook, I'm looking, if you know somebody

1466
01:32:07.280 --> 01:32:12.880
kind of thing, it kind of like almost gives them permission. One is somebody I met on Facebook,

1467
01:32:13.920 --> 01:32:20.800
singles. And I actually exclusively dated him for a few months and he's a, he's a nice guy,

1468
01:32:20.800 --> 01:32:27.200
but he wasn't for me and he has not gone away. He's he, and he would, he would question me a

1469
01:32:27.200 --> 01:32:33.120
whole bunch and try to get deep answers and stuff and kind of put me into a panic attack. And I was

1470
01:32:33.120 --> 01:32:39.440
like, this is just not for me, but he's still there. There's another guy that I met years ago.

1471
01:32:39.440 --> 01:32:46.160
And I, I told him he was kind of rude to some people on Facebook. And I said, I, I, I don't

1472
01:32:46.160 --> 01:32:56.400
even respond to him, but if I were to block him, I it's, I, I live in a rural Oklahoma area and I

1473
01:32:56.400 --> 01:33:02.320
preach at a church that's lives. I live in the parsonage next to the church and they know where,

1474
01:33:02.320 --> 01:33:09.120
well, one's been to the church and the other one knows where I preach. And so putting it on

1475
01:33:09.120 --> 01:33:15.200
Facebook, like, I want to put it out there, but I am kind of concerned. Yeah. You know what I'm

1476
01:33:15.200 --> 01:33:24.400
saying? There's a way, cause I had to do this with a few people as well. You can still be friends

1477
01:33:24.400 --> 01:33:29.200
with people on Facebook, but there is a feature and they're the privacy. So when you make a post

1478
01:33:29.280 --> 01:33:34.560
and you can click on the privacy feature of that post and you can block certain people from seeing

1479
01:33:34.560 --> 01:33:45.120
that post. Okay. I will try to I'm going to make a note to myself right now. Blocking Facebook post.

1480
01:33:46.400 --> 01:33:55.040
I will try to go in and screenshot where you can do that. Because I not in the same sense that I

1481
01:33:55.040 --> 01:34:01.920
had people where I was posting things on Facebook in regards to dating, but I have a younger son

1482
01:34:03.120 --> 01:34:06.800
and I would post things about him. And like, there was a guy that I was like,

1483
01:34:07.520 --> 01:34:11.520
in high school with, and he would just make really inappropriate comments,

1484
01:34:11.520 --> 01:34:17.120
especially in regards to my son. And so it made me feel awkward at times, but I was just like,

1485
01:34:17.680 --> 01:34:23.280
I'm going to block him from seeing things. Same thing. I had some women that I worked with when

1486
01:34:23.280 --> 01:34:28.160
I was teaching, they didn't have the same viewpoints as me. And so when I would share,

1487
01:34:29.200 --> 01:34:34.720
you know, about my faith or something like that, they wanted to criticize and, you know, kind of

1488
01:34:34.720 --> 01:34:41.360
just put garbage on my, on my page. And I didn't want to unfriend them because, you know, I could,

1489
01:34:41.360 --> 01:34:47.600
I could separate the two, but I also was like, I don't want that negativity on my page. And so I

1490
01:34:47.600 --> 01:34:54.080
would block those women from some of my own, my Facebook posts. So there's ways of doing that

1491
01:34:54.080 --> 01:34:59.840
where you can still say friends with them, but then they don't see certain posts. That's helpful.

1492
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.200
So I made a note, I will go in and I will screenshot those things and kind of help you

1493
01:35:05.200 --> 01:35:09.920
so that you can put it out there. Those particular guys don't have to see it,

1494
01:35:09.920 --> 01:35:14.720
or if you know that there's people that you have mutual friends with that know them,

1495
01:35:15.360 --> 01:35:18.480
you could even block them from seeing that post as well.

1496
01:35:19.040 --> 01:35:20.400
That's helpful. I appreciate that.

1497
01:35:20.400 --> 01:35:29.120
Yeah, it's a cool feature. They've vamped up some of these privacy things on social media.

1498
01:35:29.200 --> 01:35:32.000
So there's some things I love about social media and then there's some things that don't.

1499
01:35:33.200 --> 01:35:38.640
Same thing, ladies, I did Facebook dating when I was in this program and that was,

1500
01:35:39.520 --> 01:35:46.880
now I'm coming up on two, three years. Yeah, probably about a year and a half

1501
01:35:47.440 --> 01:35:50.960
where I haven't been on Facebook dating. Obviously, I met my husband, I'm married, but

1502
01:35:51.840 --> 01:35:57.280
there are some new features. If you do Facebook dating, they actually have a way now, I think,

1503
01:35:57.280 --> 01:36:02.960
to navigate the bots that come on there so that there's less scammers on Facebook dating.

1504
01:36:02.960 --> 01:36:06.400
I think even Renee was sharing about that several months ago and I'm like,

1505
01:36:06.400 --> 01:36:12.320
this is totally a new feature. When you have to set up your profile, they have certain things

1506
01:36:12.320 --> 01:36:16.400
in the features of your profile that really have to verify that you're a real person.

1507
01:36:17.520 --> 01:36:20.720
It's really cool. So those are just some things to be thinking about.

1508
01:36:21.520 --> 01:36:29.760
So Jenny, you have some of the same concerns about Facebook. I will screenshot and highlight

1509
01:36:29.760 --> 01:36:39.200
those areas where you can block people from a post on your page. I'm seen by some as a social

1510
01:36:39.200 --> 01:36:44.080
media influencer through my photography and previous job. Most of my friends on Facebook

1511
01:36:44.080 --> 01:36:49.120
are either pastors or fellow ministers, but I don't necessarily feel a need to know about my

1512
01:36:49.120 --> 01:36:55.120
personal life. So yeah, if you want to use that. Jenna, do you have two separate Facebook accounts?

1513
01:36:55.120 --> 01:36:59.680
I know sometimes when people have a photography business or an influencer business,

1514
01:36:59.680 --> 01:37:04.720
they separate their personal page and more of an influencer page. For example, Jackie.

1515
01:37:05.280 --> 01:37:09.600
Jackie has that. So Jackie has her Jackie Dorman and then she has her own personal page.

1516
01:37:10.160 --> 01:37:16.080
So she shares her personal stuff with people that she is in personal relationship with,

1517
01:37:16.080 --> 01:37:23.840
but then she has her Jackie Dorman page where it literally is all of the content that

1518
01:37:23.840 --> 01:37:30.960
she does for this program. So that's something to think about as well, Jenna, that maybe you

1519
01:37:30.960 --> 01:37:35.600
open up a different account that's maybe more of your personal page and you do a more of a

1520
01:37:35.600 --> 01:37:43.120
separate account. So that might be helpful. All right, ladies, thank you so much for hanging out

1521
01:37:43.120 --> 01:37:48.640
with me today. Like I said, if you can jump on the eight o'clock tonight, it is a combination of

1522
01:37:48.640 --> 01:37:54.400
phase two, phase three. It's called Love Seats. It's something that Jackie does with the phase

1523
01:37:54.400 --> 01:37:59.200
three people every now and then. Usually I think it's once a month, maybe she's inviting you all

1524
01:37:59.200 --> 01:38:07.360
to join that. So if you can jump on it, the link is in our Facebook page. So thank you again.

1525
01:38:07.360 --> 01:38:13.360
And I will see you ladies again this time next week. And don't forget to share all your good

1526
01:38:13.360 --> 01:38:22.480
stuff in our page. OK, questions, praises, breakthroughs, all of that stuff. OK, have a