WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.480 Thank you, hey everyone, it's me, Jackie D. 2 00:00:03.480 --> 00:00:04.660 I'm not gonna come on camera 3 00:00:04.660 --> 00:00:07.380 because I had a treatment done for my rosacea 4 00:00:07.380 --> 00:00:09.560 and I'm looking a little like Freddy Krueger right now, 5 00:00:09.560 --> 00:00:10.640 I can't lie. 6 00:00:10.640 --> 00:00:12.960 And so it's all gonna be okay though. 7 00:00:12.960 --> 00:00:15.460 It is, they tell me at least that it's gonna be okay 8 00:00:15.460 --> 00:00:16.940 and I'm gonna believe them. 9 00:00:16.940 --> 00:00:20.040 But I just wanted to jump on and say hey to everyone, 10 00:00:20.040 --> 00:00:21.800 whether you're just joining phase two 11 00:00:21.800 --> 00:00:24.120 and this is your very first live coaching call 12 00:00:24.120 --> 00:00:26.760 or you've been here for a few weeks, 13 00:00:26.760 --> 00:00:28.520 phase two is great. 14 00:00:28.520 --> 00:00:29.720 Phase two is one of my favorites 15 00:00:30.440 --> 00:00:33.080 because this is where we get to put our heart work 16 00:00:33.080 --> 00:00:34.840 to the test, right? 17 00:00:34.840 --> 00:00:36.960 We're gonna be doing heart work for the rest of our lives 18 00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:39.840 and that's why heart work is a tool set. 19 00:00:39.840 --> 00:00:41.720 It is a set of tools. 20 00:00:41.720 --> 00:00:45.400 I know that when my daughter went away to college, 21 00:00:45.400 --> 00:00:47.040 she was given a set of tools. 22 00:00:47.040 --> 00:00:50.100 It's like hey, you're gonna be living on your own 23 00:00:50.100 --> 00:00:51.960 and you might need to, you know, 24 00:00:51.960 --> 00:00:53.880 you might need a screwdriver. 25 00:00:53.880 --> 00:00:55.800 You might need a wrench, you might need something, 26 00:00:55.800 --> 00:00:57.360 especially since you're gonna be away from home 27 00:00:57.360 --> 00:00:59.040 and you can't just call dad and say hey, 28 00:00:59.040 --> 00:01:00.440 can you come fix this? 29 00:01:00.440 --> 00:01:02.700 And so here's a set of tools for you 30 00:01:02.700 --> 00:01:04.000 and that is what heart work is. 31 00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:05.440 It's a set of tools that you can use 32 00:01:05.440 --> 00:01:07.800 for the rest of your life to better your life, 33 00:01:07.800 --> 00:01:09.000 to better your relationships. 34 00:01:09.000 --> 00:01:11.520 It's tools that you can share with your children 35 00:01:11.520 --> 00:01:13.320 and with your, like I did my heart, 36 00:01:13.320 --> 00:01:16.320 I did heart work with my mother at the end of her life 37 00:01:16.320 --> 00:01:18.920 when she was just two more years before she passed away. 38 00:01:18.920 --> 00:01:22.840 She was sick with advanced disease in her body 39 00:01:22.840 --> 00:01:26.120 and I taught her how to use those tools. 40 00:01:26.120 --> 00:01:28.200 It's never too late to use these tools. 41 00:01:28.200 --> 00:01:31.080 My 91-year-old grandmother read the heart work 42 00:01:31.080 --> 00:01:33.600 and she said why didn't we have these tools 43 00:01:33.600 --> 00:01:36.200 when I was a young woman raising my children? 44 00:01:36.200 --> 00:01:37.240 She didn't use the word tools, 45 00:01:37.240 --> 00:01:40.320 but she said why didn't we know this stuff? 46 00:01:40.320 --> 00:01:42.200 And there's a scripture in the Bible that says 47 00:01:42.200 --> 00:01:44.200 that at the end of the age, 48 00:01:44.200 --> 00:01:47.180 the knowledge of God would increase. 49 00:01:47.180 --> 00:01:50.640 And it also says that knowledge would just increase, right? 50 00:01:50.640 --> 00:01:53.120 We'd be ever learning but never able to come 51 00:01:53.120 --> 00:01:54.780 to the knowledge of the truth 52 00:01:54.780 --> 00:01:58.460 and the truth being a person and that's Jesus Christ. 53 00:01:58.460 --> 00:02:01.780 And so as much as people learn, 54 00:02:01.780 --> 00:02:03.420 the human mind and the intellect 55 00:02:03.420 --> 00:02:05.100 is the enemy of the supernatural 56 00:02:05.100 --> 00:02:06.420 because it's so simple, right? 57 00:02:06.420 --> 00:02:10.419 The gospel is simple and the smarter that we think we are, 58 00:02:10.419 --> 00:02:13.340 the less that we know because it's about faith 59 00:02:13.340 --> 00:02:15.220 and it's about supernatural surrender. 60 00:02:15.220 --> 00:02:16.240 And so I love phase two 61 00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:17.860 because you get to put that to the test. 62 00:02:17.860 --> 00:02:19.700 Am I really God defended? 63 00:02:19.700 --> 00:02:21.140 Do I really believe I'm God defended 64 00:02:21.140 --> 00:02:23.780 or I'm out here just building walls still? 65 00:02:23.980 --> 00:02:26.420 I will tell you guys something 66 00:02:26.420 --> 00:02:27.820 that has never happened before 67 00:02:27.820 --> 00:02:31.940 in the history of this movement happened yesterday. 68 00:02:31.940 --> 00:02:33.860 Someone DM'd me a song, 69 00:02:33.860 --> 00:02:36.540 this person's engaged as a result of my coaching 70 00:02:36.540 --> 00:02:38.740 and as a result of this movement, 71 00:02:38.740 --> 00:02:41.000 had been single for a really long time, 72 00:02:41.000 --> 00:02:44.020 divorced, went through a terrible marriage in the past, 73 00:02:44.020 --> 00:02:46.580 was very scared to try again, 74 00:02:46.580 --> 00:02:49.060 met someone amazing who was not their type 75 00:02:49.060 --> 00:02:49.900 and that's a little nugget 76 00:02:49.900 --> 00:02:51.140 that I wanna share with y'all tonight 77 00:02:51.140 --> 00:02:53.540 before Renee gets to coaching y'all. 78 00:02:54.300 --> 00:02:55.260 And she gave him a chance 79 00:02:55.260 --> 00:02:56.740 and now they're engaged in getting married. 80 00:02:56.740 --> 00:03:00.180 But get this, during heart work 81 00:03:00.180 --> 00:03:01.560 and really during challenge, 82 00:03:01.560 --> 00:03:03.620 during her challenge time with me 83 00:03:03.620 --> 00:03:04.980 when she was in the free challenge 84 00:03:04.980 --> 00:03:06.440 and then when she joined heart work, 85 00:03:06.440 --> 00:03:08.040 she wrote a song. 86 00:03:09.460 --> 00:03:14.300 She wrote a song about like the teaching and coaching. 87 00:03:14.300 --> 00:03:16.940 I'll have to post it so you guys can hear it. 88 00:03:16.940 --> 00:03:21.820 Now, objectively, musically, it's not that great 89 00:03:21.820 --> 00:03:23.900 but the lyrics are hilarious 90 00:03:23.900 --> 00:03:25.400 because the lyrics are like, 91 00:03:25.400 --> 00:03:29.100 you know, I build a wall and the bad guys climbed up 92 00:03:29.100 --> 00:03:31.180 and they peeped in my bedroom window 93 00:03:31.180 --> 00:03:32.700 and just all this stuff 94 00:03:32.700 --> 00:03:34.060 and it's really, really funny 95 00:03:34.060 --> 00:03:38.020 because it's based on the coaching from the challenge. 96 00:03:38.020 --> 00:03:41.380 But anyway, she realized that 97 00:03:41.380 --> 00:03:42.820 the more that she would self-defend it, 98 00:03:42.820 --> 00:03:44.380 the more she was actually attracting 99 00:03:44.380 --> 00:03:45.580 the wrong kind of thing. 100 00:03:46.500 --> 00:03:49.340 And so you get to test that out in phase two. 101 00:03:49.340 --> 00:03:50.900 Am I really being God defended? 102 00:03:51.900 --> 00:03:53.900 Am I interrogating these men when I meet them 103 00:03:53.900 --> 00:03:56.140 or am I just letting God show me 104 00:03:56.140 --> 00:03:58.880 what I need to see when I need to see it? 105 00:03:58.880 --> 00:04:00.980 If you wanna write anything down, write that down. 106 00:04:00.980 --> 00:04:05.980 Hey God, I'm trusting you to show me what I need to see 107 00:04:06.380 --> 00:04:08.720 and only when I need to see it. 108 00:04:09.620 --> 00:04:10.980 I'm just gonna tell y'all right now, 109 00:04:10.980 --> 00:04:15.980 if I would have seen how crazy my husband now 110 00:04:16.260 --> 00:04:20.100 that his former wife was when I was just dating him, 111 00:04:20.140 --> 00:04:22.180 I probably would not have married him. 112 00:04:24.220 --> 00:04:27.460 But God knew that I had enough grace and mercy in me 113 00:04:27.460 --> 00:04:28.740 to handle that situation, 114 00:04:28.740 --> 00:04:32.220 that blended rhymes with offended family. 115 00:04:32.220 --> 00:04:35.740 He knew, he knew what I could do with him 116 00:04:35.740 --> 00:04:37.140 if I partnered with him 117 00:04:37.140 --> 00:04:39.600 and so he didn't show me those things. 118 00:04:39.600 --> 00:04:41.100 Now I could have found that stuff out 119 00:04:41.100 --> 00:04:44.580 if I was digging around trying to keep myself safe 120 00:04:45.860 --> 00:04:47.660 and so a lot of times we will find things 121 00:04:47.660 --> 00:04:48.980 that are above our pay grade 122 00:04:48.980 --> 00:04:50.940 that we don't need to know right now 123 00:04:50.940 --> 00:04:52.980 that cause us to cut and run prematurely 124 00:04:52.980 --> 00:04:54.900 on something that really could be great 125 00:04:54.900 --> 00:04:58.580 and I can tell you 17 years in, I'm so glad I didn't know. 126 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.200 All right, so you get to try out the tools. 127 00:05:04.200 --> 00:05:05.640 Are you really being God defended? 128 00:05:05.640 --> 00:05:07.760 Are you really surrendering the pen? 129 00:05:07.760 --> 00:05:09.800 Are you still busy writing your own love story? 130 00:05:09.800 --> 00:05:14.120 Do you got your little pen out, writing it, telling God what you want it to look like 131 00:05:14.120 --> 00:05:18.680 and what it has to be like and crossing everybody off the list before they even get a chance 132 00:05:18.680 --> 00:05:24.520 because they're not the fantasy that you have in your mind? 133 00:05:24.520 --> 00:05:30.960 I will tell you, 80% of our success stories here, and we have lots and lots of them, they 134 00:05:30.960 --> 00:05:36.800 say the same thing, Jackie, without this movement, without this coaching, without the revelations 135 00:05:36.800 --> 00:05:41.720 that I learned here, I would not have given this person a chance. 136 00:05:41.720 --> 00:05:44.320 They're not my type. 137 00:05:44.320 --> 00:05:47.220 On paper, they're not what I was looking for. 138 00:05:47.220 --> 00:05:52.600 And the men and the women say that, not just the women, but the men as well. 139 00:05:52.600 --> 00:05:57.640 I'm hoping for 100% success rate with our women, but I will tell you, the men that 140 00:05:57.640 --> 00:06:06.600 come in, we really do have a very large, large, large percentage of success there. 141 00:06:06.600 --> 00:06:11.760 And I think it's because, here's the thing, I think it's because men usually don't get 142 00:06:11.760 --> 00:06:13.360 involved in stuff like this. 143 00:06:13.360 --> 00:06:17.920 And so when they come here, they really are serious, right? 144 00:06:17.920 --> 00:06:20.800 They're serious. 145 00:06:21.000 --> 00:06:25.440 They're willing to take direction, which is great. 146 00:06:25.440 --> 00:06:30.040 I think sometimes women, they come here and they think that they still have some other 147 00:06:30.040 --> 00:06:32.560 options besides really listening to the coaching. 148 00:06:32.560 --> 00:06:39.200 And so I really want to encourage you to really lean into the coaching in phase two. 149 00:06:39.200 --> 00:06:44.360 Do not be afraid to get out there and get opportunities to try out the hard work. 150 00:06:44.360 --> 00:06:49.720 I used to tell people, hey, just go out with anybody who asks you out if it seems safe 151 00:06:49.720 --> 00:06:57.680 and they're not dangerous and overtly dangerous, regardless of whether you would ever be attracted 152 00:06:57.680 --> 00:06:58.680 to them. 153 00:06:58.680 --> 00:07:01.080 Because just for practice, right? 154 00:07:01.080 --> 00:07:04.960 To practice your skills, because some people really need practice. 155 00:07:04.960 --> 00:07:07.720 They have no skills in this area. 156 00:07:07.720 --> 00:07:11.760 They either have never dated anyone, they've never gotten to know someone outside of the 157 00:07:11.760 --> 00:07:15.520 person that they were married to, or they just really have never been in a relationship. 158 00:07:15.520 --> 00:07:16.960 And so it's good for you to get out there. 159 00:07:16.960 --> 00:07:22.200 So let's talk quickly, your little nugget for today, type. 160 00:07:22.200 --> 00:07:28.160 My type, and you guys, I want you to understand and I want you to pray into this after this 161 00:07:28.160 --> 00:07:33.400 coaching call, where does your type come from? 162 00:07:33.400 --> 00:07:34.720 Where does it come from? 163 00:07:34.720 --> 00:07:36.680 Is it dad? 164 00:07:36.680 --> 00:07:42.440 Is it the father that you never had and you tried to please and tried to get emotionally 165 00:07:42.440 --> 00:07:47.960 close to and never was, or he passed away, or like my father abandoned the family? 166 00:07:47.960 --> 00:07:52.400 Is it some other man in your life that you really respected and admired? 167 00:07:52.400 --> 00:07:55.240 Did it come from a TV show when you were a kid? 168 00:07:55.240 --> 00:08:01.320 Okay, my type was tall, blonde, blue eyed, athletic. 169 00:08:01.320 --> 00:08:02.600 That was my type. 170 00:08:02.600 --> 00:08:04.240 And you know where that comes from? 171 00:08:04.240 --> 00:08:07.080 It comes from my brother, my older brother. 172 00:08:07.080 --> 00:08:09.480 He's 18 months older than me and he was my hero. 173 00:08:09.480 --> 00:08:15.240 I wanted nothing more than to have his approval and for him to like me and to think I was 174 00:08:15.240 --> 00:08:16.240 cool. 175 00:08:16.240 --> 00:08:21.320 I used to tag along everywhere he went because we came from a very broken family and he was 176 00:08:21.320 --> 00:08:25.920 the only safe place to be, but he was very emotionally distant, very closed off. 177 00:08:25.920 --> 00:08:29.680 And now I understand because he was dealing with the trauma that we were experiencing 178 00:08:29.680 --> 00:08:32.120 differently than I was. 179 00:08:32.120 --> 00:08:38.960 Okay, but all the boys that I liked growing up looked like my brother. 180 00:08:38.960 --> 00:08:40.840 That's where it came from. 181 00:08:40.840 --> 00:08:49.880 Tall, tan, blonde, athletic, and not just regularly athletic, but like snowboarder and 182 00:08:49.880 --> 00:08:53.680 BMXer and like California boy, right? 183 00:08:53.680 --> 00:08:56.560 Surfer kind of thing. 184 00:08:56.560 --> 00:09:05.040 And y'all, I'm married to the love of my life and he is short, he is fat, he has brown hair, 185 00:09:05.040 --> 00:09:08.240 but he does have blue eyes. 186 00:09:08.920 --> 00:09:15.440 He's not not athletic, he plays golf, but not the same thing, right? 187 00:09:15.440 --> 00:09:19.880 And I'm very attracted to him and he is working out, he is losing weight. 188 00:09:19.880 --> 00:09:27.240 But you guys, I met him fluffy and he has remained fluffy for 17 years, okay? 189 00:09:27.240 --> 00:09:32.560 He's not like, you know, horribly fluffy, but he's just fluffy. 190 00:09:32.560 --> 00:09:35.920 He's not that fluffy at all, that poor thing. 191 00:09:36.040 --> 00:09:37.840 Well, I don't know, Renee. 192 00:09:37.840 --> 00:09:43.000 I mean, he is 5'8 and 215 pounds. 193 00:09:43.000 --> 00:09:47.160 And the doctor just told him that he has to lose 50 pounds. 194 00:09:47.160 --> 00:09:50.360 So he's a little fluffy. 195 00:09:50.360 --> 00:09:51.360 All right. 196 00:09:51.360 --> 00:09:54.400 And then of course, you guys know that I'm 5'10 in my bare feet. 197 00:09:54.400 --> 00:09:59.840 So I just want you to really lean into where does your type come from? 198 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:01.800 Where does it come from? 199 00:10:01.800 --> 00:10:05.080 If you have a pattern, if you have a type, if there's a certain thing that turns your 200 00:10:05.080 --> 00:10:07.880 head and you guys, it doesn't have to be what they look like. 201 00:10:07.880 --> 00:10:11.720 It can be the way that they, their personality, the way that they communicate. 202 00:10:11.720 --> 00:10:13.240 You can like the smooth talkers. 203 00:10:13.240 --> 00:10:16.040 You can like the, the guys that are extroverted. 204 00:10:16.040 --> 00:10:17.160 They're the life of the party. 205 00:10:17.160 --> 00:10:22.000 You can like that, that, you know, the quiet brooding type of guy, the guy that you have 206 00:10:22.000 --> 00:10:25.380 to like chase and win over the avoidance, right? 207 00:10:25.380 --> 00:10:31.980 It's a challenge to get this James Dean guy to fall in love with you, whatever it is, 208 00:10:31.980 --> 00:10:36.940 but your attraction, especially if it's not been working for you, if it's not been working 209 00:10:36.940 --> 00:10:42.060 for you, if it's not been turning out great and wonderful, then there it's probably attached 210 00:10:42.060 --> 00:10:49.940 to some lies that you're believing about what is valuable or about, you know, masculinity 211 00:10:49.980 --> 00:10:56.060 and, you know, how you might use that relationship to redeem another broken relationship, like 212 00:10:56.060 --> 00:10:58.420 the one with your brother or your father. 213 00:10:58.420 --> 00:11:03.700 See if I could get these tall blonde Adonises to fall in love with me. 214 00:11:03.700 --> 00:11:10.060 Then I could, you know, win over the affection of an archetype that was like my brother who 215 00:11:10.060 --> 00:11:14.340 emotionally never would attach. 216 00:11:14.340 --> 00:11:18.100 And that same brother lives on my property now because he got ran over by a car and he 217 00:11:18.100 --> 00:11:19.100 can't walk. 218 00:11:19.100 --> 00:11:25.660 And so he's my captive audience and I get to pour all my love on him and he can do nothing 219 00:11:25.660 --> 00:11:26.980 about it. 220 00:11:26.980 --> 00:11:27.980 So praise the Lord. 221 00:11:27.980 --> 00:11:28.980 All right. 222 00:11:28.980 --> 00:11:30.820 So Renee, you are up. 223 00:11:30.820 --> 00:11:38.100 So ladies, it was great to talk to you today and I hope you enjoy phase two, dig in and 224 00:11:38.100 --> 00:11:41.060 go out there, try new things, meet new people. 225 00:11:41.060 --> 00:11:44.020 You never know what you're going to like until you try it. 226 00:11:44.020 --> 00:11:46.020 It was so good. 227 00:11:46.020 --> 00:11:47.020 That was so good. 228 00:11:47.020 --> 00:11:49.740 Because that really falls in line with some of the stuff that we're going to be talking 229 00:11:49.740 --> 00:11:51.100 about tonight. 230 00:11:51.100 --> 00:11:55.020 So if you are new to phase two or you're new to coming to this class, let me just kind 231 00:11:55.020 --> 00:11:57.860 of run down what we do when we do our check-in. 232 00:11:57.860 --> 00:12:02.140 We usually start with some housekeeping items, just if there's anything that we need you 233 00:12:02.140 --> 00:12:05.460 to be aware of, we're going to do it at the front end. 234 00:12:05.460 --> 00:12:09.540 And because you're technically supposed to be in phase two for four weeks, there's four 235 00:12:09.540 --> 00:12:11.660 main teachings. 236 00:12:11.660 --> 00:12:13.900 There is the Dating 101 video. 237 00:12:13.900 --> 00:12:16.340 There is the Divine Feminine video. 238 00:12:16.340 --> 00:12:18.780 There is the Online Dating and the Boundaries. 239 00:12:18.780 --> 00:12:21.100 Those are longer one hour videos. 240 00:12:21.100 --> 00:12:23.460 So we always say, try to digest one a week. 241 00:12:23.460 --> 00:12:26.860 Some of you inhale them all in one week and that's fine. 242 00:12:26.860 --> 00:12:29.380 I'm just going to tell you to slow your roll. 243 00:12:29.380 --> 00:12:34.460 And so what Carla and I are doing now is we're just going to highlight one of those topics 244 00:12:34.460 --> 00:12:35.460 a week. 245 00:12:35.460 --> 00:12:38.780 So in four sessions, you will have heard me kind of summarize it. 246 00:12:38.780 --> 00:12:41.420 So I'm going to talk about Dating 101. 247 00:12:41.420 --> 00:12:44.660 If you've not watched that video, you've not watched yet, don't worry about it. 248 00:12:44.660 --> 00:12:48.380 I'm helping give you some tips ahead of time. 249 00:12:48.380 --> 00:12:50.020 And then next week we'll do the next one. 250 00:12:50.020 --> 00:12:52.420 And so it may not be matching the one that you're watching. 251 00:12:52.420 --> 00:12:53.780 That is okay. 252 00:12:53.780 --> 00:12:56.500 And then after four weeks, I'll start back at the beginning. 253 00:12:56.500 --> 00:13:02.180 Then the other thing we do is we talk about items based on what you guys are saying throughout 254 00:13:02.180 --> 00:13:04.480 the week and in the roll call. 255 00:13:04.480 --> 00:13:08.740 And so a lot of you, and so if you're watching this in replay and you're like, I don't feel 256 00:13:08.740 --> 00:13:12.060 connected to anybody, here's how you get connected. 257 00:13:12.060 --> 00:13:16.100 You get connected by showing up in community on Sundays. 258 00:13:16.100 --> 00:13:19.660 By Sunday morning, the roll call post will come up. 259 00:13:19.660 --> 00:13:21.540 That's the best place for you. 260 00:13:21.540 --> 00:13:26.940 Even if you give us an update throughout the week, please try to answer the roll call post. 261 00:13:26.940 --> 00:13:31.660 It is much easier for me to kind of pull out and highlight what are the themes, what are 262 00:13:31.660 --> 00:13:34.580 the issues kind of I see populating. 263 00:13:34.580 --> 00:13:37.660 And so that's really where you want to do it. 264 00:13:37.660 --> 00:13:40.020 You're going to see replies from Carla and myself. 265 00:13:40.020 --> 00:13:44.300 We are both the coaches in phase two, so you want to be looking for that. 266 00:13:44.300 --> 00:13:48.660 And then of course, throughout the week, especially if you are watching this in replay, if you 267 00:13:48.660 --> 00:13:51.500 watch a video and you have questions, put them in the feed. 268 00:13:51.500 --> 00:13:53.500 We will get to them. 269 00:13:53.500 --> 00:13:58.540 If you have a dating update or you want us to give advice on your dating profile, please 270 00:13:58.540 --> 00:13:59.580 stay engaged. 271 00:13:59.580 --> 00:14:05.860 So the more you show up to prayer, to Supernatural Saturday, Sunday night activation, check-ins 272 00:14:05.860 --> 00:14:11.460 or put comments in the thing, that's how you can really get connected to these other 273 00:14:11.460 --> 00:14:15.900 women and to us and us kind of like get to know you a little bit better. 274 00:14:15.900 --> 00:14:19.900 I don't always, until you start talking, I don't always put your name and your story 275 00:14:19.900 --> 00:14:23.580 together until you start talking like, oh yeah, you're the one that posted about that. 276 00:14:23.580 --> 00:14:25.740 And then we can kind of help you along. 277 00:14:25.740 --> 00:14:31.740 And then of course, my favorite part is opening up the floor and you guys get to ask me anything. 278 00:14:31.740 --> 00:14:35.700 You get to ask me something about the video, something about the teaching. 279 00:14:35.700 --> 00:14:39.540 It could be like, you know, it could even be like, oh my gosh, Jackie just said this 280 00:14:39.540 --> 00:14:41.580 and I don't even know what to do with that. 281 00:14:41.580 --> 00:14:42.580 That's fine too. 282 00:14:42.580 --> 00:14:44.820 Or you have a specific dating scenario. 283 00:14:44.820 --> 00:14:48.780 I try to get as many people as possible to speak. 284 00:14:48.780 --> 00:14:53.300 And so just kind of be lean in your expression and I'll call on you at the very, very end. 285 00:14:53.300 --> 00:14:57.940 In between that, if you're somewhere where you can't come on camera, if you put it in 286 00:14:57.940 --> 00:15:00.020 the chat towards the end, I will try to make sure. 287 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:06.640 Sure, I can get to all of those questions first. So super excited. Alright, so here's some quick housekeeping items. 288 00:15:07.880 --> 00:15:16.560 Let's see. I just mentioned this already. Do we have any new people here tonight. Is anybody here for the first time you can raise your avatar hand. 289 00:15:17.080 --> 00:15:22.400 Awesome. Gosh, Tiffany, man. And you got the big cheese who came on. I mean, she doesn't always come on. So that's awesome. 290 00:15:22.720 --> 00:15:32.520 Look at all you newbies. I love it. So it's good that I just went over that. And so if you're brand new, the very first video you should have watched is Love Story Accelerator. 291 00:15:32.760 --> 00:15:49.120 And the biggest things that happen in Love Story Accelerator is she says, okay, it's time to start dating. She gives you a seven date challenge. Do not freak out. You're like, oh, my gosh, I can't. I couldn't find seven dates in seven years and you want me to find them in the next like seven weeks. How's that even possible. 292 00:15:49.440 --> 00:15:54.600 It's just the idea to kind of get you excited and going. We talk a lot about eating healthy. 293 00:15:55.640 --> 00:16:04.320 I always say you should be eating almost your goal body weight in grams and protein fiber. You should have at least 20 grams of fiber a day. 294 00:16:05.000 --> 00:16:10.800 But you want to eat as many items that are single sourced food items. That's how you know you're going to get things that are not so processed. 295 00:16:11.520 --> 00:16:16.240 Jackie put in there to walk 10,000 steps a day. I can tell you, I'm a fitness instructor. 296 00:16:16.640 --> 00:16:23.040 So if you are nowhere near 5,000 or 10,000 steps a day, do not start with 10,000 steps. Be kind to your body. 297 00:16:23.360 --> 00:16:31.840 If all you've been getting is 3,000 steps, then add 10% every single day until you kind of get up there. 10,000 is a magic number. 298 00:16:32.400 --> 00:16:42.560 I shoot a little bit over that, but I've been on this journey a long time. And so pay attention to that. She talks about drinking at least, I forget, 72 ounces of water. 299 00:16:42.840 --> 00:16:51.280 The rule of thumb is half your body weight in ounces. That's about how much water you should definitely be drinking. So that's the kind of idea of Love Story Accelerator. 300 00:16:53.840 --> 00:16:58.120 And I've already told you that. OK, the fourth thing, the fourth bullet point that I'm going to give to you guys. 301 00:16:58.120 --> 00:17:05.960 And this is something that you may or may not have caught on in phase one, but it's especially important in phase two and later when you get to phase three. 302 00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:12.880 We really focus on the heart work here as the tool. And Jackie gives you guys a lot of content. 303 00:17:13.240 --> 00:17:20.200 Now, we are not saying that there's not great pastors, sermons, speakers, influencers, authors that are out there. 304 00:17:20.359 --> 00:17:23.319 There are. You just don't promote them here. 305 00:17:23.920 --> 00:17:36.600 So we just don't want you to like we're not going to approve posts that have links to other sermons, links to other authors, because we don't have time to vet their entire library to see if it lines biblically with what we believe 306 00:17:37.080 --> 00:17:43.920 and if it matches the content and then also be careful about promoting other dating sites. 307 00:17:44.320 --> 00:17:50.520 And we're actually putting together a list of places that we want to recommend as a team. 308 00:17:50.720 --> 00:17:56.040 That doesn't mean it's an exhaustive list. It's just the list we're willing to stake our reputation on. 309 00:17:56.360 --> 00:18:02.880 There are things I've tried online that Jackie may or not be like, you know, I really don't like that one. And that's OK. 310 00:18:03.120 --> 00:18:09.480 So just be careful about the specifics that you promote outside of the arena. 311 00:18:10.200 --> 00:18:17.760 OK, so tonight's topic is Dating 101. So and I bring this up, you guys, because this trips up everybody. 312 00:18:17.960 --> 00:18:24.600 Literally, people have been in phase three for a year and they're still getting tripped up over the dating levels. 313 00:18:24.800 --> 00:18:29.920 And the idea of the dating levels, it's so probably different than how so many of you have done. 314 00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:34.720 So if you've not yet watched the video, kind of given you like the Cliff Notes version. 315 00:18:34.920 --> 00:18:39.000 If you watched it and you forgot everything, I'm just kind of here to remind you. 316 00:18:40.440 --> 00:18:48.840 We believe in discovery dating and levels of dating so you don't get emotionally tied up in one person too quickly, 317 00:18:49.320 --> 00:18:53.520 because in this season, she wants you to meet as many people as possible. 318 00:18:53.640 --> 00:18:59.120 You don't want them falling in love with you and you don't want them falling and you don't want to fall in love with them on the first date. 319 00:18:59.320 --> 00:19:03.880 That's just not normal. It's not healthy. That's your trauma attracting his trauma. 320 00:19:04.800 --> 00:19:06.520 And so we don't want to be doing that. 321 00:19:06.520 --> 00:19:10.280 And so we want to make sure that we really get a chance to get to know people. 322 00:19:10.560 --> 00:19:13.440 And if we don't like them, we will leave them better. 323 00:19:13.880 --> 00:19:17.160 And we do that when we kind of do levels of dating. 324 00:19:17.160 --> 00:19:21.640 So level one is community relationships. 325 00:19:21.920 --> 00:19:26.520 Level one is what you guys have with each other, what you have at your church. 326 00:19:27.120 --> 00:19:30.840 When you get to phase three and it's coed, it's what you're going to have with everybody. 327 00:19:31.080 --> 00:19:34.960 So level one dating is what I call group dating. 328 00:19:34.960 --> 00:19:36.520 It's just community. 329 00:19:36.680 --> 00:19:38.880 Your life group is level one. 330 00:19:39.080 --> 00:19:43.960 These are people that you're getting to know, but you're getting to know them probably in a group setting. 331 00:19:45.040 --> 00:19:54.040 If you are going online and you're meeting people online, we don't kind of that first texting phase or when you have that first phone call. 332 00:19:54.200 --> 00:20:00.000 That's still level one dating because technically he is probably still talking to a handful of. 333 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.520 other girls, right? 334 00:20:01.520 --> 00:20:06.840 You don't really know until you're on that first live date that, okay, this is a date. 335 00:20:06.840 --> 00:20:11.780 I'm getting his undivided attention at least for the next hour, hopefully. 336 00:20:11.780 --> 00:20:12.780 That's a date. 337 00:20:12.780 --> 00:20:18.960 If you are long distance and y'all book a video date, you both show up, you look cute, 338 00:20:18.960 --> 00:20:22.640 you know, he's got a glass of wine, you got a glass of wine, and you're talking about 339 00:20:22.640 --> 00:20:25.460 stuff and you're dressed up, that's a date. 340 00:20:25.460 --> 00:20:27.480 That's a level two dating. 341 00:20:27.480 --> 00:20:31.640 Level two dating is what we call discovery dating. 342 00:20:31.640 --> 00:20:33.740 You are just discovering about people. 343 00:20:33.740 --> 00:20:38.240 So that's why Jackie says if your friend, neighbor, cousin, uncle, brother wants you 344 00:20:38.240 --> 00:20:41.980 to meet somebody that they know, we don't care what he looks like. 345 00:20:41.980 --> 00:20:42.980 We don't care. 346 00:20:42.980 --> 00:20:45.140 Now, you may care about your God-defended list. 347 00:20:45.140 --> 00:20:47.780 And so that's what she was trying to talk to you guys about. 348 00:20:47.780 --> 00:20:53.380 There's the self-defended list you had and they are, he's my type, and I don't get all 349 00:20:53.380 --> 00:20:58.520 the like things, like the spark, the mm kind of thing that you want in that first date, 350 00:20:58.520 --> 00:20:59.520 right? 351 00:20:59.520 --> 00:21:04.480 You may not have that with 90% of the people that you have a first date with when you discovery 352 00:21:04.480 --> 00:21:07.760 date because you're giving a lot more people a chance. 353 00:21:07.760 --> 00:21:10.880 Now I will say this, there are some deal breakers we all have. 354 00:21:10.880 --> 00:21:13.040 I am not going to date a smoker. 355 00:21:13.040 --> 00:21:15.240 I'm not going to discovery date a smoker. 356 00:21:15.240 --> 00:21:19.600 I'm not going to discovery date a guy that says I'm 420 friendly. 357 00:21:19.600 --> 00:21:20.680 I'm just not going to do it. 358 00:21:20.700 --> 00:21:25.900 I'm probably not going to date a guy who's got like he, they next to his name either. 359 00:21:25.900 --> 00:21:27.980 Like I'm just probably not going to. 360 00:21:27.980 --> 00:21:31.900 So I probably have some, you know, things that are true for me. 361 00:21:31.900 --> 00:21:34.460 Now I've been dating a lot longer than y'all. 362 00:21:34.460 --> 00:21:38.820 And I, even though I live in Nashville, Tennessee, I'm a little bougie and I'm from the New York 363 00:21:38.820 --> 00:21:39.820 area. 364 00:21:39.820 --> 00:21:44.180 And I already know in the South, I'm not going to date a guy that shows me more pictures 365 00:21:44.180 --> 00:21:47.380 of his motorcycle and his fish than anything else. 366 00:21:47.380 --> 00:21:48.380 He's not my guy. 367 00:21:48.380 --> 00:21:49.980 Like, we're just not going to happen. 368 00:21:49.980 --> 00:21:51.920 We're going to like be sport board to tears. 369 00:21:51.920 --> 00:21:56.200 Now I did give those guys a chance in the stage that y'all are in. 370 00:21:56.200 --> 00:21:57.200 I tried. 371 00:21:57.200 --> 00:21:59.060 I really did try. 372 00:21:59.060 --> 00:22:00.800 And actually they found me way too. 373 00:22:00.800 --> 00:22:04.600 They found me more bougie than I found them way to more country. 374 00:22:04.600 --> 00:22:05.600 I'm just saying. 375 00:22:05.600 --> 00:22:09.320 So now I've just learned, but in the beginning I was willing to talk to them. 376 00:22:09.320 --> 00:22:12.600 I went outside my height, my weight, my race. 377 00:22:12.600 --> 00:22:13.600 I tried everything. 378 00:22:13.600 --> 00:22:15.880 Like I was willing to try it all. 379 00:22:15.880 --> 00:22:17.360 And so there's, so there's that. 380 00:22:17.360 --> 00:22:18.640 So that's discovery dating. 381 00:22:18.660 --> 00:22:20.580 You're just getting to know people. 382 00:22:20.580 --> 00:22:26.520 And here's where people get really tripped up on what to say during discovery dating. 383 00:22:26.520 --> 00:22:30.340 Discovery dating is like the highlight reel of your life. 384 00:22:30.340 --> 00:22:35.660 It's the stuff you don't care about that if anybody finds out about it, right? 385 00:22:35.660 --> 00:22:40.700 This is the stuff like, like for me, discovery dating is, all right, I'm a short little Italian 386 00:22:40.700 --> 00:22:41.700 girl. 387 00:22:41.700 --> 00:22:42.700 I'm from Connecticut. 388 00:22:42.700 --> 00:22:45.980 I grew up there with my big Italian family. 389 00:22:46.360 --> 00:22:50.800 I lived in Northern California when I was also in middle school and high school and 390 00:22:50.800 --> 00:22:52.080 went back to Connecticut. 391 00:22:52.080 --> 00:22:54.160 I went to college in Pennsylvania. 392 00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:55.880 I got a finance degree. 393 00:22:55.880 --> 00:23:01.120 I've been in the corporate world, full-time church ministry, and now I'm in seminary school. 394 00:23:01.120 --> 00:23:03.600 Those are all, I mean, I'm one of four siblings. 395 00:23:03.600 --> 00:23:04.800 I was a cheerleader. 396 00:23:04.800 --> 00:23:06.200 I love college sports. 397 00:23:06.200 --> 00:23:07.200 I like to cook. 398 00:23:07.200 --> 00:23:08.200 I'm a really good cook. 399 00:23:08.200 --> 00:23:09.200 Do you guys hear what I'm saying? 400 00:23:09.500 --> 00:23:17.460 You're getting to know information about me, but it's all stuff that I don't care if anybody 401 00:23:17.460 --> 00:23:18.460 knows. 402 00:23:18.460 --> 00:23:19.460 It's like front page stuff. 403 00:23:19.460 --> 00:23:20.460 Don't care. 404 00:23:20.460 --> 00:23:24.220 If they ghouled me, they probably would find that information out about me. 405 00:23:24.220 --> 00:23:29.060 So when people say, when we say to you, like, don't talk about too much about your past, 406 00:23:29.060 --> 00:23:31.840 you can say you're divorced, period. 407 00:23:31.840 --> 00:23:36.940 If they ask you in those first few conversations, well, why did you get divorced? 408 00:23:36.940 --> 00:23:37.940 You know what? 409 00:23:37.940 --> 00:23:41.280 That is a great question, and I'll be happy to answer that if we keep talking. 410 00:23:41.280 --> 00:23:46.240 Now I think it's more important for you and I to get to know who we are today. 411 00:23:46.240 --> 00:23:50.600 So one of the recommendations that we talk about in discovery dating, that level two 412 00:23:50.600 --> 00:23:56.780 dating, is we talk about stay in the present and talk about the future, but mostly stay 413 00:23:56.780 --> 00:23:57.920 in the present. 414 00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:02.240 When you talk about your past too much, that's when you start sharing your trauma and your 415 00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:03.240 drama. 416 00:24:03.240 --> 00:24:04.240 We don't want to do that. 417 00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:09.420 If you talk about the future too early on, you can get very love bomby, like, oh my gosh, 418 00:24:09.420 --> 00:24:10.420 you're so amazing. 419 00:24:10.420 --> 00:24:11.420 You love Jesus too. 420 00:24:11.420 --> 00:24:12.420 You speak in tongues. 421 00:24:12.420 --> 00:24:13.420 Oh my gosh. 422 00:24:13.420 --> 00:24:14.420 You've done the hard work too. 423 00:24:14.420 --> 00:24:15.420 Like, oh my gosh. 424 00:24:15.420 --> 00:24:16.420 Yes. 425 00:24:16.420 --> 00:24:17.420 I want three kids. 426 00:24:17.420 --> 00:24:18.500 I want the house on the lake. 427 00:24:18.500 --> 00:24:21.300 And then you guys start dreaming together in the future. 428 00:24:21.300 --> 00:24:25.340 So you don't want to dream too much in the future too quickly, and you don't want to 429 00:24:25.340 --> 00:24:26.700 talk about the past. 430 00:24:26.700 --> 00:24:32.180 Now, and you might need to think about the things in your life about your past that you 431 00:24:32.200 --> 00:24:35.680 know people are going to ask you questions about, and you're like, crap, how do I say 432 00:24:35.680 --> 00:24:37.400 this without saying too much? 433 00:24:37.400 --> 00:24:40.420 How do I say this without verbally vomiting? 434 00:24:40.420 --> 00:24:42.440 So let me just give you an example. 435 00:24:42.440 --> 00:24:47.680 I had a very complicated relationship with my father. 436 00:24:47.680 --> 00:24:52.680 He went home to heaven two years ago, and it produced a lot of complicated grief. 437 00:24:52.680 --> 00:24:55.200 I'm in a very, very good place about it now. 438 00:24:55.200 --> 00:24:59.960 So what I would say about him and that situation is very different than when I was in the. 439 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.900 throes of it 10, even 10 years ago, even five years ago. 440 00:25:03.900 --> 00:25:06.600 But even then that it's not, and I, you guys, 441 00:25:06.600 --> 00:25:07.880 let me say this too. 442 00:25:07.880 --> 00:25:10.600 Everything that Jackie tells you not to do, I did. 443 00:25:10.600 --> 00:25:12.560 I did it all wrong first, I promise you. 444 00:25:12.560 --> 00:25:15.080 Like I am not sitting here like I had it all right. 445 00:25:15.080 --> 00:25:16.600 I did it all wrong. 446 00:25:16.600 --> 00:25:20.040 And so you are gonna learn my lessons faster 447 00:25:20.040 --> 00:25:21.640 because I'm gonna tell you all the things I did wrong 448 00:25:21.640 --> 00:25:23.960 and just do the opposite of what I did. 449 00:25:23.960 --> 00:25:27.040 So I would just, because I thought I was so empowered. 450 00:25:27.040 --> 00:25:29.820 I did so much therapy and I did so much healing 451 00:25:29.820 --> 00:25:31.020 that I thought it was important for me 452 00:25:31.020 --> 00:25:32.660 to tell you everything right up front 453 00:25:32.660 --> 00:25:34.980 and me to learn that about you right up front. 454 00:25:34.980 --> 00:25:36.840 No, no. 455 00:25:36.840 --> 00:25:38.340 And so in that discovery dating, 456 00:25:38.340 --> 00:25:40.740 I would say things like people like, 457 00:25:40.740 --> 00:25:42.660 oh, you know, like, oh, you know, I really, 458 00:25:42.660 --> 00:25:44.580 I'm a really, I have a really close relationship 459 00:25:44.580 --> 00:25:46.060 with my dad, my mom, you know, 460 00:25:46.060 --> 00:25:47.800 a little more complicated with my dad, 461 00:25:47.800 --> 00:25:50.260 but you know, we've definitely have been working through it. 462 00:25:50.260 --> 00:25:52.620 That's all I might say. 463 00:25:52.620 --> 00:25:54.520 As we start dating, you know, gosh, 464 00:25:54.520 --> 00:25:55.660 there were definitely some themes 465 00:25:55.660 --> 00:25:57.620 I've really had to work through with. 466 00:25:57.660 --> 00:26:00.160 You know, my dad and I really got a lot of conversations 467 00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:02.660 about my way and about, you know, this, 468 00:26:02.660 --> 00:26:05.420 and I've had to really work on that. 469 00:26:05.420 --> 00:26:08.440 It would not be until a level three relationship, 470 00:26:08.440 --> 00:26:11.020 which I'll get to next, where we're exclusive 471 00:26:11.020 --> 00:26:12.420 and we're getting much more serious 472 00:26:12.420 --> 00:26:14.700 that I might say, gosh, I have a raw, 473 00:26:14.700 --> 00:26:16.740 you know, I probably still have a lot of triggers 474 00:26:16.740 --> 00:26:19.060 and deep wounds associated with my dad. 475 00:26:19.060 --> 00:26:21.580 So chances are, if you bring up this topic 476 00:26:21.580 --> 00:26:24.180 or you say this and you see my reaction, 477 00:26:24.180 --> 00:26:25.780 it means I'm probably having a trigger 478 00:26:25.780 --> 00:26:28.140 to something about my relationship with my dad 479 00:26:28.140 --> 00:26:29.620 to just kind of warn you. 480 00:26:29.620 --> 00:26:31.620 And even then, until we're engaged, 481 00:26:31.620 --> 00:26:33.720 there's a lot I don't need to be telling them 482 00:26:33.720 --> 00:26:34.860 about that story. 483 00:26:34.860 --> 00:26:36.660 Like there are parts of my story with my dad 484 00:26:36.660 --> 00:26:38.340 that are still very private. 485 00:26:38.340 --> 00:26:41.340 And like I said, I've kind of closed that chapter. 486 00:26:41.340 --> 00:26:44.940 So I feel less and less like I need to say 487 00:26:44.940 --> 00:26:47.220 all of the details of it. 488 00:26:47.220 --> 00:26:49.460 And so that's how what I'm trying to say to you, 489 00:26:49.460 --> 00:26:51.440 like think about peeling an onion. 490 00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:53.580 So you want to think about your career. 491 00:26:53.580 --> 00:26:55.420 You want to think about your children. 492 00:26:56.060 --> 00:26:57.020 You want to think about your faith. 493 00:26:57.020 --> 00:26:59.100 And so here's what I would say about my faith right away. 494 00:26:59.100 --> 00:27:01.140 You guys, sharing your testimony, 495 00:27:01.140 --> 00:27:03.200 there's no way you can share your testimony 496 00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:05.500 without vomiting too much information. 497 00:27:05.500 --> 00:27:08.340 So this is not a 12-step meeting. 498 00:27:08.340 --> 00:27:09.980 You're not sharing your testimony 499 00:27:09.980 --> 00:27:12.060 in the first conversation with a guy. 500 00:27:12.060 --> 00:27:13.780 You might just say like, here's what I would say 501 00:27:13.780 --> 00:27:14.860 on a first date. 502 00:27:14.860 --> 00:27:15.980 You know what? 503 00:27:15.980 --> 00:27:17.680 I grew up Catholic. 504 00:27:17.680 --> 00:27:20.460 I'm so grateful for the sense of discipline 505 00:27:20.460 --> 00:27:22.740 and consistency that it brought in my life. 506 00:27:22.740 --> 00:27:25.020 And you know, I was in the hospital a lot as a kid. 507 00:27:25.660 --> 00:27:26.500 And so I'm so glad I had a faith 508 00:27:26.500 --> 00:27:28.340 so I knew how to pray early on. 509 00:27:28.340 --> 00:27:29.940 When I went off to college, you know, 510 00:27:29.940 --> 00:27:31.700 that's when my relationship with God 511 00:27:31.700 --> 00:27:33.260 became more real for me. 512 00:27:33.260 --> 00:27:35.500 And I've been following them ever since. 513 00:27:35.500 --> 00:27:36.800 Poof, that's it. 514 00:27:36.800 --> 00:27:39.620 That's all I would say about my faith right up front. 515 00:27:39.620 --> 00:27:40.900 I mean, I wouldn't be telling them 516 00:27:40.900 --> 00:27:42.500 what my gifts of the spirit are. 517 00:27:42.500 --> 00:27:46.580 If I speak in tongues, you know, do I go denominational? 518 00:27:46.580 --> 00:27:48.680 Do I believe that women should be in leadership? 519 00:27:48.680 --> 00:27:51.220 And so if you get into crazy conversations 520 00:27:51.220 --> 00:27:53.580 and men are like, do you celebrate all the holidays? 521 00:27:53.580 --> 00:27:55.460 Do you believe that women should be ordained? 522 00:27:55.460 --> 00:27:57.320 Like, that's just kind of, I mean, 523 00:27:57.320 --> 00:27:58.580 that to me is kind of have a little bit 524 00:27:58.580 --> 00:28:01.260 of a religious spirit kind of attached to it. 525 00:28:01.260 --> 00:28:02.900 So I usually just say, hey, 526 00:28:02.900 --> 00:28:04.820 can we kind of not get into the details 527 00:28:04.820 --> 00:28:06.680 of that stuff right now? 528 00:28:06.680 --> 00:28:08.460 By the way, there is like a dog bone 529 00:28:08.460 --> 00:28:10.060 probably buried under my couch 530 00:28:10.060 --> 00:28:12.100 and my dog's been crying for it all day. 531 00:28:12.100 --> 00:28:14.100 I'm gonna have to try and find it for her 532 00:28:14.100 --> 00:28:16.140 like after this call. 533 00:28:16.140 --> 00:28:17.840 So I apologize if you're hearing that sound 534 00:28:17.840 --> 00:28:19.560 underneath me talking. 535 00:28:19.560 --> 00:28:22.520 And so that's what discovery dating is all about. 536 00:28:22.520 --> 00:28:24.040 You can share like, hey, you know what? 537 00:28:24.040 --> 00:28:26.280 I really wanna, you know, I'm in seminary school 538 00:28:26.280 --> 00:28:28.080 and I don't know at all what I'm gonna do with it. 539 00:28:28.080 --> 00:28:29.240 I might become a chaplain. 540 00:28:29.240 --> 00:28:31.100 I might be a teaching pastor. 541 00:28:32.040 --> 00:28:34.160 I might be a pastor, all care pastor. 542 00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:35.880 I'm just really open to how it got. 543 00:28:35.880 --> 00:28:38.600 So it's not that I'm not gonna talk about my dreams, 544 00:28:38.600 --> 00:28:40.680 but I'm not gonna get into the detail. 545 00:28:40.680 --> 00:28:42.760 That's level two discovery dating. 546 00:28:42.760 --> 00:28:46.480 You are doing that with more than one person at a time. 547 00:28:46.480 --> 00:28:48.840 You are not dating them though 548 00:28:48.840 --> 00:28:50.560 because you're not making out with him. 549 00:28:50.560 --> 00:28:52.320 You're not letting him rub your back. 550 00:28:53.080 --> 00:28:54.520 You're not giving each other massages. 551 00:28:54.520 --> 00:28:57.880 You're not like linking hands, walking down the street. 552 00:28:57.880 --> 00:29:00.360 The minute you bring romance in it, 553 00:29:00.360 --> 00:29:02.880 you've now kind of almost bumped yourself into level three. 554 00:29:02.880 --> 00:29:04.880 So no, we don't want you to be making out 555 00:29:04.880 --> 00:29:05.980 with five different guys. 556 00:29:05.980 --> 00:29:08.200 We don't want you to be hugging on five different guys. 557 00:29:08.200 --> 00:29:11.960 You can give the side church hug, you know, that's fine. 558 00:29:11.960 --> 00:29:13.800 But like anything that's romantic, 559 00:29:13.800 --> 00:29:15.680 we really don't want you doing in level two 560 00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:17.980 because we want you to talk to a lot of people. 561 00:29:17.980 --> 00:29:19.500 The other reason why we want you to talk 562 00:29:19.500 --> 00:29:21.480 to a lot of other people is a lot of times 563 00:29:21.480 --> 00:29:23.640 when you start meeting guys, you're like, oh my gosh, 564 00:29:23.640 --> 00:29:27.760 he's the one and you become obsessed with him. 565 00:29:27.760 --> 00:29:28.720 And you can't help it. 566 00:29:28.720 --> 00:29:31.440 You're like, oh my gosh, but he didn't reply to me. 567 00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:33.900 If you're talking to a bunch of people, 568 00:29:33.900 --> 00:29:36.360 you're not gonna notice when Bob blows you off 569 00:29:36.360 --> 00:29:37.200 for a couple of days 570 00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:39.160 because you're talking to Joe and Mark. 571 00:29:39.160 --> 00:29:40.920 And so that's why we also want you 572 00:29:40.920 --> 00:29:43.000 in that discovery dating phase. 573 00:29:43.000 --> 00:29:47.560 Now, the next phase would be exclusive. 574 00:29:47.560 --> 00:29:49.240 Now, depending on how old you are, 575 00:29:49.240 --> 00:29:52.920 some people like to get to exclusive pretty quickly 576 00:29:52.920 --> 00:29:54.520 because they kind of grew up in the generation 577 00:29:54.520 --> 00:29:57.200 where you didn't date more than one person at a time. 578 00:29:57.200 --> 00:29:58.960 Like the last person that I dated, 579 00:29:58.960 --> 00:30:00.120 by our fourth date. 580 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.320 eight, he was ready to be exclusive. 581 00:30:02.320 --> 00:30:03.200 And to be honest with you, 582 00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:05.480 I had been on so many bozo dates 583 00:30:05.480 --> 00:30:08.560 that I was very happy to just be exclusive dating 584 00:30:08.560 --> 00:30:09.540 for a bit with him. 585 00:30:09.540 --> 00:30:11.280 Did I think I was marrying him at the time? 586 00:30:11.280 --> 00:30:15.000 No, but I was very happy that he wasn't gonna be talking 587 00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:16.480 to any of their chicks for a bit. 588 00:30:16.480 --> 00:30:18.480 So I always joke around. 589 00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:20.920 Jackie does not call it 3A and 3B. 590 00:30:20.920 --> 00:30:23.080 I call it 3A and 3B. 591 00:30:23.080 --> 00:30:26.940 3A is we both have just decided we're gonna put pause. 592 00:30:26.940 --> 00:30:29.120 I call it the pause on all the other dating. 593 00:30:29.120 --> 00:30:31.540 You're just pausing, you're pausing. 594 00:30:31.540 --> 00:30:34.360 But somewhere 3A turns into, 595 00:30:34.360 --> 00:30:36.180 hey, you're starting to talk about marriage. 596 00:30:36.180 --> 00:30:38.160 You're starting to talk about the big picture 597 00:30:38.160 --> 00:30:39.840 and planning the future together. 598 00:30:39.840 --> 00:30:44.260 So three has a continuum on it. 599 00:30:44.260 --> 00:30:46.640 So when you first start out in level three, 600 00:30:46.640 --> 00:30:49.000 you're probably not talking about marriage yet. 601 00:30:49.920 --> 00:30:51.880 But by the end, you are. 602 00:30:51.880 --> 00:30:55.140 And then of course, level four is engagement. 603 00:30:55.140 --> 00:30:57.060 Level five is marriage. 604 00:30:57.060 --> 00:31:00.260 We highly recommend our pre-marriage class that we offer. 605 00:31:00.260 --> 00:31:01.300 It's called SIMBAS. 606 00:31:01.300 --> 00:31:05.700 It's an acronym for save your marriage before it starts 607 00:31:06.920 --> 00:31:10.420 or sink it, which I'm 0 for 2 for SIMBAS. 608 00:31:10.420 --> 00:31:12.620 Or maybe I'm 2 for 2 for SIMBAS. 609 00:31:12.620 --> 00:31:14.400 SIMBAS is a really great way. 610 00:31:14.400 --> 00:31:17.060 If you're in a serious relationship with somebody, 611 00:31:17.060 --> 00:31:19.460 I'm a big fan of taking that Dane class 612 00:31:19.460 --> 00:31:20.740 before y'all get engaged. 613 00:31:20.740 --> 00:31:24.060 Before you make it public and you've gone Facebook 614 00:31:24.060 --> 00:31:26.100 and you did the whole ring thing, 615 00:31:26.100 --> 00:31:31.060 take the class and it's a six week class 616 00:31:31.060 --> 00:31:36.060 and it will definitely pull up the topic of, 617 00:31:37.260 --> 00:31:38.820 you'll talk about sex, 618 00:31:38.820 --> 00:31:42.340 you'll talk about roles that you have, family blended, 619 00:31:42.340 --> 00:31:44.300 you'll talk about finances, 620 00:31:44.300 --> 00:31:46.760 all the hard stuff you don't like to talk about, 621 00:31:46.760 --> 00:31:49.340 it will kind of force you to kind of talk about that. 622 00:31:49.340 --> 00:31:53.820 So I highly recommend SIMBAS towards the end of level three 623 00:31:54.580 --> 00:31:56.100 when you're thinking about getting engaged. 624 00:31:56.100 --> 00:31:58.740 And then of course, level five is marriage. 625 00:31:58.740 --> 00:32:03.320 But you guys are here in level two, possibly level three. 626 00:32:05.100 --> 00:32:07.940 I would definitely recommend if you're level two dating, 627 00:32:07.940 --> 00:32:10.500 somebody at least give it four or five dates 628 00:32:10.500 --> 00:32:13.080 before you decide to make it exclusive 629 00:32:13.080 --> 00:32:15.140 and really let at least three or four weeks 630 00:32:15.140 --> 00:32:16.440 have gone by with that. 631 00:32:16.440 --> 00:32:19.780 You guys, so many women just feel like in such a rush 632 00:32:20.220 --> 00:32:23.140 and you have to really sniff out 633 00:32:23.140 --> 00:32:26.100 for love bombing and love addiction. 634 00:32:26.100 --> 00:32:28.500 And you can't tell that right up front 635 00:32:28.500 --> 00:32:30.100 because secure attachment, 636 00:32:30.100 --> 00:32:32.420 and by the way, if you guys have not noticed, 637 00:32:32.420 --> 00:32:34.340 I keep forgetting now we've added 638 00:32:34.340 --> 00:32:37.280 the secure attachment content to phase two. 639 00:32:37.280 --> 00:32:39.620 So that's also really amazing stuff. 640 00:32:39.620 --> 00:32:42.980 There's like three sessions of the attachment stuff. 641 00:32:42.980 --> 00:32:44.940 And we talk about secure attachment, 642 00:32:44.940 --> 00:32:47.740 avoidant attachment and anxious attachment. 643 00:32:47.740 --> 00:32:52.400 And you will start to notice which one you tend to be. 644 00:32:52.400 --> 00:32:54.900 And you will notice what you're getting from somebody else. 645 00:32:54.900 --> 00:32:56.140 So somebody always says to me, 646 00:32:56.140 --> 00:32:58.500 how do you know if it's love bombing or it's real? 647 00:32:58.500 --> 00:33:00.540 Well, if they're telling you that you're in love with you 648 00:33:00.540 --> 00:33:02.100 and they barely know anything about you, 649 00:33:02.100 --> 00:33:06.220 they wanna marry you, that's probably love bombing. 650 00:33:06.220 --> 00:33:09.600 But secure attachment, men kind of know pretty quickly. 651 00:33:09.600 --> 00:33:13.180 And so their pacing is consistent. 652 00:33:13.180 --> 00:33:16.220 It's not obsessive and it's just confident 653 00:33:16.220 --> 00:33:19.980 and it's just calm, but it's not kind of rushing you. 654 00:33:19.980 --> 00:33:21.780 But the way you know love, 655 00:33:21.780 --> 00:33:23.780 and here's what I also know with love bombing, 656 00:33:23.780 --> 00:33:26.020 love bombing tends to wanna isolate you 657 00:33:26.020 --> 00:33:28.340 and not introduce you to family and friends. 658 00:33:28.340 --> 00:33:30.540 But again, you'll know it's love bombing 659 00:33:30.540 --> 00:33:32.900 when it feels like too much too soon 660 00:33:32.900 --> 00:33:34.840 and they can't sustain it. 661 00:33:34.840 --> 00:33:36.740 Love bombers usually can't sustain it. 662 00:33:36.740 --> 00:33:38.500 But time, time, time, time, 663 00:33:38.500 --> 00:33:40.460 that's why you're not making out with them in the beginning 664 00:33:40.460 --> 00:33:43.060 because we don't want you to get all hot and bothered. 665 00:33:43.060 --> 00:33:45.080 And that's just gonna mess up your brain 666 00:33:45.080 --> 00:33:47.760 figuring out if this is good or not. 667 00:33:47.760 --> 00:33:50.680 Okay, and if anything I'm saying, 668 00:33:50.680 --> 00:33:52.240 you wanna make your question at the end, 669 00:33:52.240 --> 00:33:53.840 you can go ahead and do so. 670 00:33:53.840 --> 00:33:56.000 So that's our topic for tonight. 671 00:33:56.000 --> 00:33:59.840 And then I have just a few pieces of information. 672 00:33:59.840 --> 00:34:04.840 Since y'all, since we, I looked at your comments, 673 00:34:06.200 --> 00:34:08.159 let the coaches give advice. 674 00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:10.960 Some of y'all, okay, this is your, 675 00:34:12.480 --> 00:34:15.000 this is your, she's just killing me tonight. 676 00:34:15.880 --> 00:34:17.280 This is your chance to not be the therapist. 677 00:34:17.280 --> 00:34:19.460 If you are a therapist in the room, 678 00:34:19.460 --> 00:34:22.800 this is your chance to not be the therapist in the room. 679 00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:25.080 And this is your chance to kind of receive from us, 680 00:34:25.080 --> 00:34:25.900 receive from us. 681 00:34:25.900 --> 00:34:28.280 So unless you guys are doctors, 682 00:34:28.280 --> 00:34:30.120 you can't diagnose people either. 683 00:34:30.120 --> 00:34:32.840 So I don't want to see any of you guys writing like, 684 00:34:32.840 --> 00:34:34.800 oh my gosh, he was a narcissist, 685 00:34:34.800 --> 00:34:36.980 she's a narcissist, codependent. 686 00:34:36.980 --> 00:34:40.400 Like, let's not be diagnosing people we don't know. 687 00:34:40.400 --> 00:34:43.840 Now you can say somebody has narcissistic traits 688 00:34:43.840 --> 00:34:46.500 or someone's kind of behaving a little Cody, 689 00:34:47.679 --> 00:34:50.080 but we really want to make sure we don't diagnose people. 690 00:34:50.080 --> 00:34:51.679 The other thing we want to make sure 691 00:34:51.679 --> 00:34:53.920 is that you don't tell people to do something 692 00:34:53.920 --> 00:34:55.639 in a very blunt way. 693 00:34:55.639 --> 00:34:58.960 Some of you are like, oh man, dump them, dump them. 694 00:34:58.960 --> 00:34:59.800 Like, oh my gosh. 695 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.680 the total jerk or, oh my gosh, that happened to me. 696 00:35:02.680 --> 00:35:05.280 Like, we're trying to date differently. 697 00:35:05.280 --> 00:35:08.360 So whatever you used to do in the past, 698 00:35:09.640 --> 00:35:13.000 we just wanna make sure we don't dump old mindsets, 699 00:35:13.000 --> 00:35:16.120 old patterns, old beliefs in the present. 700 00:35:16.120 --> 00:35:18.680 So if you are not a coach, just be careful. 701 00:35:18.680 --> 00:35:20.080 Here's how you could say it. 702 00:35:20.080 --> 00:35:24.920 Like, Elizabeth might go, gosh, Angelica, 703 00:35:24.920 --> 00:35:27.600 you know what, here's what I think. 704 00:35:27.600 --> 00:35:29.560 Here's what sounds healthy. 705 00:35:29.560 --> 00:35:32.000 Here's what seems like might be a good idea. 706 00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:33.880 So you're kind of couching it in a way 707 00:35:33.880 --> 00:35:37.080 that it's clear that you are stating an opinion. 708 00:35:37.080 --> 00:35:38.680 It's not stating facts. 709 00:35:38.680 --> 00:35:41.000 We wanna make sure if we are giving any feedback 710 00:35:41.000 --> 00:35:44.160 that it's just feedback, which is just opinion. 711 00:35:44.160 --> 00:35:46.400 And also just make sure you guys are being nice 712 00:35:46.400 --> 00:35:48.140 and don't give blunt answers. 713 00:35:48.140 --> 00:35:51.420 Because sometimes I've seen, and it happens in phase three, 714 00:35:51.420 --> 00:35:53.520 people are so blunt with their responses. 715 00:35:53.520 --> 00:35:54.800 I'm like, oh my gosh, that poor girl 716 00:35:54.800 --> 00:35:56.920 is never gonna ask for help again. 717 00:35:56.920 --> 00:35:58.520 Like, can we please be nice? 718 00:35:58.520 --> 00:36:01.080 Like, oh my gosh, be kind. 719 00:36:01.080 --> 00:36:02.160 So that's another thing. 720 00:36:02.160 --> 00:36:03.640 Lift all boats. 721 00:36:03.640 --> 00:36:07.120 It is really easy to start getting discouraged, 722 00:36:07.120 --> 00:36:10.240 to have FOMO, and I am okay. 723 00:36:10.240 --> 00:36:12.600 No one, if you come to prayer Monday mornings, 724 00:36:12.600 --> 00:36:14.680 you know no one can hold space for sadness 725 00:36:14.680 --> 00:36:16.320 and depression more than me. 726 00:36:16.320 --> 00:36:17.640 I can handle it. 727 00:36:17.640 --> 00:36:20.600 But I always want you to find the glimmer of hope 728 00:36:20.600 --> 00:36:21.600 in every comment. 729 00:36:21.600 --> 00:36:24.800 So if you lament for three paragraphs on a post, 730 00:36:24.800 --> 00:36:28.040 you better wrap it up with choosing some hope 731 00:36:28.480 --> 00:36:29.320 at the end. 732 00:36:29.320 --> 00:36:31.440 Because I don't want you dragging 733 00:36:31.440 --> 00:36:33.600 the whole ship down with you. 734 00:36:33.600 --> 00:36:36.920 It is okay to kind of own your sadness and grief. 735 00:36:36.920 --> 00:36:38.680 But hopefully if you've done the hard work, 736 00:36:38.680 --> 00:36:41.360 you've got some good stuff to say. 737 00:36:41.360 --> 00:36:43.360 I realized I printed out the second page 738 00:36:43.360 --> 00:36:46.200 and I accidentally threw it in the garbage. 739 00:36:46.200 --> 00:36:49.200 I was wondering what that second piece of paper was. 740 00:36:49.200 --> 00:36:51.720 And I know it was a really good piece of advice. 741 00:36:51.720 --> 00:36:54.000 However, Jackie came on and took up 10 minutes. 742 00:36:54.000 --> 00:36:56.520 So I don't want to take too long, 743 00:36:56.520 --> 00:36:58.920 because I always like to, by the bottom of the hour, 744 00:36:58.920 --> 00:37:02.560 I'm a little bit over, go right into taking your questions. 745 00:37:02.560 --> 00:37:05.120 So while you, if you have a question, 746 00:37:05.120 --> 00:37:07.280 go ahead and raise your avatar hand 747 00:37:07.280 --> 00:37:09.880 and let me go ahead and look through the chat now. 748 00:37:09.880 --> 00:37:12.160 And I see what we got here. 749 00:37:15.160 --> 00:37:16.480 Okay. 750 00:37:17.400 --> 00:37:18.840 I don't know. 751 00:37:18.840 --> 00:37:21.240 Oh, 5,000 steps playing pickleball. 752 00:37:21.240 --> 00:37:22.080 It's so funny. 753 00:37:22.080 --> 00:37:24.120 I play pickleball with my brother 754 00:37:24.120 --> 00:37:25.960 and like he's a big heavy guy 755 00:37:25.960 --> 00:37:27.600 and he smoked all of us. 756 00:37:27.600 --> 00:37:29.440 He barely moved on that court. 757 00:37:29.440 --> 00:37:31.200 I looked like the little Energizer buddy, 758 00:37:31.200 --> 00:37:32.800 just racing back and forth. 759 00:37:32.800 --> 00:37:36.000 And I like, he probably logged a thousand steps 760 00:37:36.000 --> 00:37:37.640 and he kicked, he smoked us. 761 00:37:38.920 --> 00:37:40.400 Okay, let's see. 762 00:37:42.840 --> 00:37:44.200 So on the first phone call, 763 00:37:44.200 --> 00:37:46.520 I've been sharing my testimony with them. 764 00:37:46.520 --> 00:37:47.800 Oh, heck no, Dawn, 765 00:37:47.800 --> 00:37:49.880 don't be sharing your testimony on a phone call. 766 00:37:49.880 --> 00:37:52.800 That's just, just, just Dawn, that's a hot no. 767 00:37:52.800 --> 00:37:56.800 If you can't say your testimony in under 45 seconds, 768 00:37:56.800 --> 00:37:59.520 it's too long for that first phone call. 769 00:37:59.520 --> 00:38:02.880 You just saw how fast I gave my testimony, right? 770 00:38:02.880 --> 00:38:06.640 It's gotta be like the elevator pitch version 771 00:38:06.640 --> 00:38:09.080 of your testimony, elevator pitch. 772 00:38:09.080 --> 00:38:10.400 Does anybody know what elevator pitch? 773 00:38:10.400 --> 00:38:13.080 It means the time that you have on an elevator, 774 00:38:13.080 --> 00:38:16.440 which is about a minute or 45 seconds. 775 00:38:16.440 --> 00:38:18.800 That's how long your testimony needs to be. 776 00:38:18.800 --> 00:38:21.240 So if you've got to write it down and practice it, 777 00:38:21.280 --> 00:38:22.920 then that's what you need to do. 778 00:38:24.120 --> 00:38:26.560 Again, you're not supposed to go super deep. 779 00:38:26.560 --> 00:38:27.400 Let's see. 780 00:38:31.280 --> 00:38:35.120 Alani, you should be joining a Single City Reading 781 00:38:35.120 --> 00:38:37.840 and y'all can be offering to do stuff 782 00:38:37.840 --> 00:38:39.600 on that Single City page. 783 00:38:41.560 --> 00:38:43.120 Give the poor dog a bone. 784 00:38:43.120 --> 00:38:45.800 A girl, I wanna give her the bone. 785 00:38:45.800 --> 00:38:46.880 I just don't know where it is. 786 00:38:46.880 --> 00:38:48.200 It's buried under the thing 787 00:38:48.200 --> 00:38:49.920 and she's got three others sitting here. 788 00:38:49.920 --> 00:38:52.120 She just wants the one she can't get to. 789 00:38:52.120 --> 00:38:54.040 She's just crying. 790 00:38:54.040 --> 00:38:55.720 What does lift all boats mean? 791 00:38:55.720 --> 00:38:57.280 Okay, that's a great question. 792 00:38:57.280 --> 00:39:01.960 Okay, if you guys go back to your welcome session, 793 00:39:01.960 --> 00:39:04.360 probably back in phase one, 794 00:39:04.360 --> 00:39:06.680 they listed the six group rules. 795 00:39:06.680 --> 00:39:10.400 They're also in guide one on Facebook 796 00:39:10.400 --> 00:39:14.120 and it's the five, what she calls the royal rules. 797 00:39:14.120 --> 00:39:16.200 And she kind of describes each of them. 798 00:39:16.200 --> 00:39:19.240 And one of them is called lift all boats. 799 00:39:19.600 --> 00:39:23.480 It's just really this idea that misery loves company. 800 00:39:23.480 --> 00:39:26.680 And sometimes when I say something bad 801 00:39:26.680 --> 00:39:29.960 and then if I say, oh my gosh, 802 00:39:29.960 --> 00:39:31.760 I just had this awful day 803 00:39:31.760 --> 00:39:33.600 and no guys are ever gonna like me 804 00:39:33.600 --> 00:39:35.760 and I'm really fat and I'm really ugly. 805 00:39:35.760 --> 00:39:37.480 And then Elizabeth comes on my post 806 00:39:37.480 --> 00:39:40.560 and she's like, oh my gosh, me too. 807 00:39:40.560 --> 00:39:42.120 Men suck. 808 00:39:42.120 --> 00:39:44.120 And then Jessica comes on the post 809 00:39:44.120 --> 00:39:46.600 and she's like, oh my gosh, men totally suck. 810 00:39:47.440 --> 00:39:48.280 Look what we're doing. 811 00:39:48.280 --> 00:39:50.440 We are sinking our ship, man. 812 00:39:50.440 --> 00:39:53.480 Like we are bringing each other down 813 00:39:53.480 --> 00:39:54.760 and it's like, we're kind of, 814 00:39:54.760 --> 00:39:57.000 we're just bringing each other in the pit. 815 00:39:57.000 --> 00:39:58.840 And so the idea is lift up the boat. 816 00:39:58.840 --> 00:40:00.240 So hopefully, let a little. 817 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.120 Elizabeth is gonna say, girl, I get it. 818 00:40:03.120 --> 00:40:05.120 I feel like that on a lot of days too, 819 00:40:05.120 --> 00:40:07.440 but let's remember what Jackie said. 820 00:40:07.440 --> 00:40:09.040 We just need one. 821 00:40:09.040 --> 00:40:11.200 Even if Elizabeth don't believe it, 822 00:40:11.200 --> 00:40:12.640 she's gonna say it 823 00:40:12.640 --> 00:40:16.600 because she knows we both need to get lifted up. 824 00:40:17.920 --> 00:40:19.160 So, okay. 825 00:40:20.080 --> 00:40:21.880 All right, so I'm gonna pause. 826 00:40:21.880 --> 00:40:23.200 Amber, I'm gonna come back to you 827 00:40:23.200 --> 00:40:24.400 because I have a lot of hands raised. 828 00:40:24.400 --> 00:40:26.980 So Elizabeth, you are up first, go. 829 00:40:26.980 --> 00:40:27.820 I'm gonna be quick. 830 00:40:27.820 --> 00:40:29.480 I've posted in the Facebook group 831 00:40:29.480 --> 00:40:32.220 how kind of an unusual and surprising situation 832 00:40:32.220 --> 00:40:33.480 happened Sunday. 833 00:40:34.480 --> 00:40:37.320 A man that I've known for like 10 years, 834 00:40:37.320 --> 00:40:40.300 we went on a few dates two years ago 835 00:40:40.300 --> 00:40:42.420 and kind of, he was really wanting 836 00:40:42.420 --> 00:40:44.420 to be very specific denominationally 837 00:40:44.420 --> 00:40:46.140 and it was very respectful, 838 00:40:46.140 --> 00:40:48.140 but I kind of knew, okay, 839 00:40:48.140 --> 00:40:49.900 he probably won't ask me out again. 840 00:40:50.820 --> 00:40:53.900 And he showed up to church on Sunday, 841 00:40:53.900 --> 00:40:56.460 hadn't told me he was gonna be there. 842 00:40:56.460 --> 00:40:57.360 I saw your post. 843 00:40:57.360 --> 00:40:58.960 Did he come to see you? 844 00:40:59.660 --> 00:41:00.660 Well, he didn't. 845 00:41:00.660 --> 00:41:02.220 He was trying to play it off cool. 846 00:41:02.220 --> 00:41:03.700 He had no other reason to be there. 847 00:41:03.700 --> 00:41:04.900 He knows nobody- 848 00:41:04.900 --> 00:41:07.140 How did he know that's your church? 849 00:41:07.140 --> 00:41:08.320 We had talked about it. 850 00:41:08.320 --> 00:41:09.160 We had talked about it. 851 00:41:09.160 --> 00:41:11.100 But when was the last time you talked to him? 852 00:41:11.100 --> 00:41:12.580 Two years ago. 853 00:41:12.580 --> 00:41:15.420 So you haven't talked to him in two years ago. 854 00:41:15.420 --> 00:41:16.700 In two years. 855 00:41:16.700 --> 00:41:18.900 I mean, we've known each other a long time. 856 00:41:18.900 --> 00:41:22.140 So did he really even know that that was your church still? 857 00:41:22.140 --> 00:41:23.260 Do you think he really knew? 858 00:41:23.260 --> 00:41:25.340 Like when he saw you, did he seem surprised? 859 00:41:25.340 --> 00:41:26.180 Or he's like, oh yeah- 860 00:41:26.180 --> 00:41:27.220 He didn't seem surprised. 861 00:41:27.220 --> 00:41:29.560 He sat like five rows back in a aisle over. 862 00:41:29.560 --> 00:41:31.680 It sounds very stalkerish, but I've known, 863 00:41:31.680 --> 00:41:33.720 I know him well enough that it's not stalkerish. 864 00:41:33.720 --> 00:41:34.560 You know what I mean? 865 00:41:34.560 --> 00:41:35.380 I don't know. 866 00:41:35.380 --> 00:41:37.440 So did he say, did he come to see you? 867 00:41:37.440 --> 00:41:40.040 Or did he completely forget that that was your church? 868 00:41:40.040 --> 00:41:43.120 He told me, I'm about to be having to move for work. 869 00:41:43.120 --> 00:41:45.040 And there's people I really wanted to see before. 870 00:41:45.040 --> 00:41:46.920 And I really wanted to see you. 871 00:41:46.920 --> 00:41:47.760 Great. 872 00:41:47.760 --> 00:41:48.640 He said in my church, 873 00:41:48.640 --> 00:41:50.680 we had horrible storms here in Dallas. 874 00:41:50.680 --> 00:41:54.000 And so his was without power still. 875 00:41:54.000 --> 00:41:54.840 But we're in Dallas. 876 00:41:54.840 --> 00:41:56.680 You can throw a rock and hit a church building. 877 00:41:56.820 --> 00:41:57.940 He drove an hour. 878 00:41:58.940 --> 00:41:59.780 But this- 879 00:41:59.780 --> 00:42:02.220 Oh, but I think, I'm trying to remember. 880 00:42:02.220 --> 00:42:05.340 I think I gave you advice that I'm not sure about this guy, 881 00:42:05.340 --> 00:42:07.180 but keep going with your story. 882 00:42:07.180 --> 00:42:08.020 Keep going. 883 00:42:08.020 --> 00:42:12.700 Well, so he wanted to go to my life group with me. 884 00:42:12.700 --> 00:42:16.140 Like he was, it wasn't, he wasn't like overly eager, 885 00:42:16.140 --> 00:42:17.180 but he was like, well, what's next? 886 00:42:17.180 --> 00:42:20.820 And he went with me and I was shocked to see him. 887 00:42:20.820 --> 00:42:22.140 We went out to lunch after. 888 00:42:22.140 --> 00:42:24.220 It felt like a date, like he paid. 889 00:42:24.640 --> 00:42:27.320 I wasn't anticipating or like expecting that. 890 00:42:28.560 --> 00:42:32.920 And the weirdest thing is I sent him a text 891 00:42:32.920 --> 00:42:35.240 Sunday afterwards. 892 00:42:35.240 --> 00:42:37.000 I have heard nothing back from him. 893 00:42:38.640 --> 00:42:39.520 Cricket. 894 00:42:39.520 --> 00:42:42.800 I mean, and I, well, and I would say you probably, 895 00:42:42.800 --> 00:42:46.160 you know, here's, what's interesting about men. 896 00:42:46.160 --> 00:42:48.960 Sometimes they just want to know, like, 897 00:42:48.960 --> 00:42:50.240 so he could have been, 898 00:42:50.240 --> 00:42:53.040 it is possible you were somebody on his radar, 899 00:42:53.060 --> 00:42:54.780 like way from way ago, like, 900 00:42:54.780 --> 00:42:57.940 hey, before I move or before I make this move, 901 00:42:57.940 --> 00:42:59.700 let me just circle back with this chick. 902 00:42:59.700 --> 00:43:02.700 She kind of caught my eye the last time. 903 00:43:02.700 --> 00:43:04.020 I'm kind of interested. 904 00:43:04.020 --> 00:43:06.860 And so he shows up, goes to life group with you 905 00:43:06.860 --> 00:43:08.340 and goes to lunch with you. 906 00:43:08.340 --> 00:43:11.220 And so the phrase I've said to people is sometimes 907 00:43:11.220 --> 00:43:13.600 they like us, they just don't like us enough. 908 00:43:14.900 --> 00:43:18.460 Or they like us, but they're about to move 909 00:43:18.460 --> 00:43:20.860 and their life is in transition 910 00:43:20.860 --> 00:43:23.640 and they don't know what to do with it. 911 00:43:23.640 --> 00:43:25.320 And so they're not going to do anything with it. 912 00:43:25.320 --> 00:43:27.900 Or maybe they're not going to do anything with it right now. 913 00:43:27.900 --> 00:43:32.480 So if you've left him a message, you've dropped the hanky. 914 00:43:32.480 --> 00:43:35.560 You've let him know that you would love to hear 915 00:43:35.560 --> 00:43:39.280 from him again, but you can't do anything else now. 916 00:43:39.280 --> 00:43:42.120 Right, no, I am not, I'm like mouth closed. 917 00:43:42.120 --> 00:43:43.580 And I will say though, 918 00:43:43.580 --> 00:43:46.240 now that he's done this power move on you, 919 00:43:46.240 --> 00:43:50.020 I will say if he reaches back out to you, 920 00:43:50.020 --> 00:43:52.200 I think it's completely appropriate you 921 00:43:52.200 --> 00:43:54.680 for you to be a little bold and just say, 922 00:43:54.680 --> 00:43:56.480 hey, you know what, I have to be honest. 923 00:43:56.480 --> 00:43:58.940 It was kind of weird to not see you for two years 924 00:43:58.940 --> 00:44:01.440 and then have you show up and then spend all that time 925 00:44:01.440 --> 00:44:03.100 with me and then not talk to me. 926 00:44:03.100 --> 00:44:06.680 Like, you want to hang out again. 927 00:44:06.680 --> 00:44:08.720 I just want to bring some clarity 928 00:44:09.960 --> 00:44:12.380 what that actually means for you. 929 00:44:12.380 --> 00:44:14.300 Are you just wanting to hang out as friends? 930 00:44:14.300 --> 00:44:16.120 Like you need friends right now? 931 00:44:16.120 --> 00:44:18.120 Normally if it was a hinge date, 932 00:44:18.120 --> 00:44:19.360 I would not even think about it. 933 00:44:19.700 --> 00:44:21.740 But it's someone I've known for so long. 934 00:44:21.740 --> 00:44:24.900 Right, and it's possible he just wanted to know 935 00:44:24.900 --> 00:44:25.740 where you were at. 936 00:44:25.740 --> 00:44:29.700 And maybe during the conversation he realized I like her, 937 00:44:29.700 --> 00:44:31.580 but you know what, some of that stuff's still there. 938 00:44:31.580 --> 00:44:34.300 Like, or maybe that's not what I want, 939 00:44:34.300 --> 00:44:35.620 but he's not going to tell you that 940 00:44:35.620 --> 00:44:37.260 because that doesn't feel nice. 941 00:44:37.260 --> 00:44:39.320 But I would say if he does want to spend time 942 00:44:39.320 --> 00:44:40.840 with you again, it's okay. 943 00:44:40.840 --> 00:44:43.740 So you guys hear that, like she dropped the hanky, 944 00:44:43.740 --> 00:44:46.580 no big, this way she knows she did her part. 945 00:44:46.600 --> 00:44:49.600 But if he does want to spend time with her again, 946 00:44:49.600 --> 00:44:51.960 it is okay to say, hey, you know, 947 00:44:51.960 --> 00:44:54.360 obviously because we've got a past and a history 948 00:44:54.360 --> 00:44:56.420 or friendship, I just want to make sure 949 00:44:56.420 --> 00:44:58.160 we're being really clear here. 950 00:44:58.160 --> 00:45:00.120 Like, are we just wanting to hang out? 951 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.600 Are you considering something more like, I'm good either way. I just want to make sure I have a good 952 00:45:05.600 --> 00:45:12.000 understanding. He's definitely, I mean, I'm not an armchair counselor, but I think some avoidant 953 00:45:12.000 --> 00:45:18.160 of attachment maybe after what we, you know, learned there. Anyways, so yeah, that's really 954 00:45:18.160 --> 00:45:25.600 good advice. So thank you. Isabel, I will talk to you about the attachment where they're located 955 00:45:26.400 --> 00:45:31.680 afterwards. So let's not worry about that. Oh my gosh, you guys, my eyes are so, 956 00:45:31.680 --> 00:45:37.360 Malia, is it Malia? Am I saying that right? Yes. Hi, Renee. 957 00:45:37.360 --> 00:45:42.000 Hey, beautiful. How are you? I'm well, thank you. I just got out of jujitsu, so I'm sweaty, 958 00:45:42.000 --> 00:45:47.040 but I'm in Hawaii. It's very hard for me to connect with you guys sometimes. I've been 959 00:45:47.040 --> 00:45:52.320 invited to the love seat for Jackie and I couldn't make it last week, but I'm the one 960 00:45:52.320 --> 00:46:01.360 in the situation who was engaged last year, broke it off, and we're still kind of talking. 961 00:46:02.400 --> 00:46:08.960 But as of last night, I was with my prayer girls and they were just like, do you want to pray away 962 00:46:08.960 --> 00:46:16.560 that soul tie? And this man, we've been together for two years off and on, got engaged last year 963 00:46:16.560 --> 00:46:20.800 in May, planned the wedding for August. I freaked out. I think it was my trauma. 964 00:46:22.640 --> 00:46:30.400 We were doing the counseling, the book that you were just talking about. And chapter one, 965 00:46:30.400 --> 00:46:33.840 I was stuck and I was like, I can't do this. And he's like, do you need space? I'm like, 966 00:46:33.840 --> 00:46:38.320 I need to go in the room and just like freak out. So I'm a single mother of two. I've had 967 00:46:38.880 --> 00:46:43.920 really crappy relationships. I've been in the secular world for my twenties and thirties and 968 00:46:43.920 --> 00:46:48.160 really thought I didn't want to be married. I was just trying to be independent and do all this 969 00:46:48.160 --> 00:46:55.120 thing, do my own thing. And when I got closer to the Lord, I just had my desire just aligned with 970 00:46:55.120 --> 00:47:01.920 him to get married. And really I just took a deep dive into my faith and just completely restored 971 00:47:01.920 --> 00:47:08.800 my relationship with the Lord. So he and I, his name is, well, he's in Texas anyway. I don't want 972 00:47:08.800 --> 00:47:15.360 to say his name just in case, but he and I were, we started off, I told him it came out of my mouth 973 00:47:15.360 --> 00:47:18.640 and I swear it was the Lord speaking through me. I just said, listen, I've done it my way for 974 00:47:18.640 --> 00:47:24.640 decades. And you're here in Hawaii visiting from Texas with your family. I know you were raised 975 00:47:24.640 --> 00:47:28.400 here, but I'm letting you know, I'm not hooking up and I'm not getting, I'm not doing anything 976 00:47:28.400 --> 00:47:34.080 until I'm married. And I thought he was like, check please. And he's like, I have prayed for 977 00:47:34.080 --> 00:47:39.280 this on my way over here on the plane to meet a girl from Hawaii. And I want to move out here, 978 00:47:39.280 --> 00:47:44.560 blah, blah, blah. So that's how it started. And we've been pure since, and it's very hard because 979 00:47:44.560 --> 00:47:50.480 we're very attracted to each other. And in between, how long, how long ago was that visit? 980 00:47:51.840 --> 00:47:55.840 The last visit I saw him, we got back together in January and I saw him at the, 981 00:47:56.400 --> 00:48:00.000 I flew out there in the end of February, but we've been going back and forth. Like we will 982 00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:04.800 meet at Nashville. So catch me up. Why did your friends ask if you wanted to pray to break the 983 00:48:04.800 --> 00:48:10.320 soul tide? Because they just see me, they just see me struggling with this because of the distance. 984 00:48:10.320 --> 00:48:17.040 And then when I went up to, to Texas in February, the Lord had put it also on my heart to quit 985 00:48:17.040 --> 00:48:21.520 drinking. Like my whole life just changed. I drank when I was with him. Cause I got excited 986 00:48:21.520 --> 00:48:25.120 and I'm like, I'm going to drink. I don't care. Whatever. Here's a margarita with five different 987 00:48:25.120 --> 00:48:29.200 tequilas. I can't, I can't go too far. We can't go too far in the details. Cause I want to get 988 00:48:29.200 --> 00:48:36.800 to. So, um, so I got triggered. When would he consider moving? He's not anymore. We're in a 989 00:48:36.800 --> 00:48:41.760 place where I got triggered. He kind of wants to move. So he doesn't want to move. He wants us 990 00:48:41.760 --> 00:48:44.880 there. He bought the house when we were broken up for two and a half months, he bought the house 991 00:48:44.880 --> 00:48:51.920 that I liked, which was like a lot of there in Texas, in Texas. So now I have to leave Hawaii 992 00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:57.440 to go to Texas. He wanted me to, and that was the whole thing. I'm just stuck on him because 993 00:48:57.440 --> 00:49:02.320 we've kind of rekindled this. And like I said, the last visit I got triggered and I reacted in 994 00:49:02.320 --> 00:49:09.040 a certain way about something. And I, I, he's like in this place of like, I don't know anymore. 995 00:49:09.040 --> 00:49:14.880 And then he, I just found out that he's still friends with his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend. 996 00:49:14.880 --> 00:49:18.720 And they've been helping him with the Airbnb that I kind of gave him the idea to do. 997 00:49:19.680 --> 00:49:25.760 And he's still celibate. So it's not like he's, you know, and I know that for a fact. 998 00:49:27.680 --> 00:49:30.320 So I, I don't know. I'm kind of in a situation of like, 999 00:49:31.280 --> 00:49:35.520 um, I don't know what to do. I'm trying to date and trying to move on and get on dating sites. 1000 00:49:35.520 --> 00:49:41.760 And it's, well, the advice that you need to do sometimes about these people, 1001 00:49:41.760 --> 00:49:44.960 like what's the longest you've gone and not talking to him at all? 1002 00:49:45.840 --> 00:49:50.640 Two and a half months. And he called after that and just like, 1003 00:49:51.760 --> 00:49:54.480 that was in January, beginning of January. 1004 00:49:55.200 --> 00:49:59.200 In those two and a half months, did you feel free? Did you feel 1005 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.540 sad did you like what were you feeling were you thinking about the whole time 1006 00:50:04.540 --> 00:50:11.340 yes I was I didn't date I didn't even try to I what is stopping you from 1007 00:50:11.340 --> 00:50:18.180 moving to Texas I think I'm just in a position where I think he's kind of 1008 00:50:18.180 --> 00:50:26.020 giving up and is he why is he good now that I found out about his exes I'm like 1009 00:50:26.020 --> 00:50:31.500 I don't know I would not love the ex thing at all does he have kids with 1010 00:50:31.500 --> 00:50:36.020 either one of them he's ex-wife yes and he's been divorced for seven years he 1011 00:50:36.020 --> 00:50:41.340 was gonna be a part of his life because he's right right so and I'm cool with 1012 00:50:41.340 --> 00:50:44.340 that I invited her to the wedding everyone's like you're crazy I'm like 1013 00:50:44.340 --> 00:50:52.820 she can come well I mean have you guys on any counseling together no we have 1014 00:50:52.820 --> 00:50:57.700 not I mean you probably need to consider Simba's or counseling to get 1015 00:50:57.700 --> 00:51:01.700 if there's any move you guys have gone back and forth so much you've done it 1016 00:51:01.700 --> 00:51:06.940 healthy healthy that my suspicion is you guys need couples counseling which you 1017 00:51:06.940 --> 00:51:12.260 can actually do 3,000 miles apart so you're you're you have to make up your 1018 00:51:12.260 --> 00:51:16.060 mind and go one way or the other you're either gonna be like hey dude I want to 1019 00:51:16.060 --> 00:51:20.100 make this work we're gonna start couples counseling we're gonna do Simba's we're 1020 00:51:20.100 --> 00:51:26.380 gonna do something and take a deep dive together and move forward or we're done 1021 00:51:26.380 --> 00:51:33.180 like I feel like you can't halfway date him anymore yeah that's where I'm stuck 1022 00:51:33.180 --> 00:51:36.980 you're right and so I feel like my friends feel the same way too there's 1023 00:51:36.980 --> 00:51:43.380 all my sisters and crying they're like a lot of us we get stuck somewhere in the 1024 00:51:43.380 --> 00:51:49.340 middle and we kind of hang on but we don't pivot one way or the other and you 1025 00:51:49.340 --> 00:51:53.300 could stay stuck like this for another 10 years girl and we don't want you to 1026 00:51:53.300 --> 00:52:01.220 do that so I'm gonna ask you to like for the next like 72 hours just go into a 1027 00:52:01.220 --> 00:52:06.100 deep prayer ask other friends to go in prayer ask God to give you confirmation 1028 00:52:06.100 --> 00:52:14.620 and sign and if he says go go go and just sit in the tension and go through 1029 00:52:14.620 --> 00:52:22.860 all of the grief that comes with that like lament of that otherwise move 1030 00:52:22.860 --> 00:52:27.300 forward so that's my advice to you you're at a crossroad take about 72 1031 00:52:27.300 --> 00:52:33.460 hours fast pray journal ask for signs ask for people and even ask for people 1032 00:52:33.460 --> 00:52:36.580 to be praying for you without even giving them details like hey I'm going 1033 00:52:36.580 --> 00:52:40.460 to a time of prayer I have a big decision to make and I would say not 1034 00:52:40.460 --> 00:52:44.300 your friends who know the whole story and just say if you feel like the Lord 1035 00:52:44.300 --> 00:52:49.220 gives you any verses or word for me in three days please let me know what it is 1036 00:52:49.220 --> 00:52:54.980 you don't have to give him the details and because if Lord downloads something 1037 00:52:54.980 --> 00:53:00.460 to you and three or four other godly people that you admire give you a verse 1038 00:53:00.460 --> 00:53:05.140 they're like I don't know like cuz I you know I'm on the prayer team at my church 1039 00:53:05.140 --> 00:53:08.620 and people come up for prayer all the time and sometimes the Holy Spirit takes 1040 00:53:08.620 --> 00:53:12.180 over and I'm like I don't know if this what this means but I'm supposed to tell 1041 00:53:12.180 --> 00:53:15.300 you that you're supposed to plant a garden and you're supposed to put 1042 00:53:15.300 --> 00:53:18.940 Gerber daisies and does that mean anything and they're like oh my god you 1043 00:53:18.940 --> 00:53:23.100 don't like it means nothing Wow yeah I think to them so that's my 1044 00:53:23.100 --> 00:53:25.700 encouragement to you that'll help you get the confirmation that you're gonna 1045 00:53:25.700 --> 00:53:32.820 need in this you're up next thank you that's ready 1046 00:53:33.420 --> 00:53:42.060 hello um I'm having problems trying to get back into the dating it's been about 1047 00:53:42.100 --> 00:53:46.540 10 years since I've had an actual real date and I've done the online dating and 1048 00:53:46.540 --> 00:53:52.300 I'm just not looking forward to it I have with online dates I get ghosted 1049 00:53:52.300 --> 00:53:56.860 faster than the milk can go bad in the refrigerator I just do not have guys 1050 00:53:56.860 --> 00:53:59.940 that want to stick around and get to know me for more than two weeks and then 1051 00:53:59.940 --> 00:54:04.660 they just disappear and I'm pretty good about not telling them all the deep 1052 00:54:04.660 --> 00:54:08.100 stuff or getting to it I do tell them you know I'm a Christian I'm not having 1053 00:54:08.100 --> 00:54:13.460 sex before marriage okay okay stop right there stop stop stop stop are you 1054 00:54:13.460 --> 00:54:16.220 letting them know in the first two weeks that you're not gonna have sex before 1055 00:54:16.220 --> 00:54:23.580 marriage yes okay no okay you guys I know this sounds like counter counter to 1056 00:54:23.580 --> 00:54:30.740 what we want but Jackie always says the second you put sex on the table sex is 1057 00:54:30.740 --> 00:54:37.140 on the table guys like we do not want to start bringing up our sexual like what 1058 00:54:37.140 --> 00:54:40.980 we want or don't want in those first two weeks you are getting to know them 1059 00:54:40.980 --> 00:54:48.460 like you want guys to like fall for you or get to know you outside the sex talk 1060 00:54:48.460 --> 00:54:53.420 because Becca I bet you you are super amazing and fun if you can just get on a 1061 00:54:53.420 --> 00:54:57.940 few dates with some guys you want to get to a date like to me I feel like when we 1062 00:54:57.940 --> 00:55:02.060 give off information like I'm not gonna have sex 1063 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.480 before marriage. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to do this." Where we're actually 1064 00:55:04.480 --> 00:55:10.320 doing is trying to give them reasons to not book that date with us. So I want you to consider, 1065 00:55:11.600 --> 00:55:17.440 I want you to consider that there's an appropriate time to have the sex conversation. There is. 1066 00:55:17.440 --> 00:55:21.680 Absolutely. I can put that off. And before it was more like, I put that in my profile as 1067 00:55:21.680 --> 00:55:27.440 I'm a dedicated Christian. So why would they call me for two weeks if they already knew that? That's 1068 00:55:27.440 --> 00:55:32.240 the thing that's frustrating. And I'm like, why can't I still get them to talk to me? 1069 00:55:32.240 --> 00:55:36.880 And I don't know, have you already put your profile and your photos on phase two for us 1070 00:55:36.880 --> 00:55:43.200 to take a look at? I haven't made a profile for dating at all because of that. I'm like, 1071 00:55:43.200 --> 00:55:48.080 I haven't done that in two years. You have not tried online dating since leaving the heart work? 1072 00:55:49.520 --> 00:55:52.400 No. Okay. Have you watched the online dating video? 1073 00:55:53.280 --> 00:55:57.600 Yes. And I, and I'm like, I get it, but putting it into practice at the same time as like... 1074 00:55:58.320 --> 00:56:04.800 I get it. As you heard me say on the video, nobody hated online dating more than me. However, 1075 00:56:04.800 --> 00:56:09.840 for us to achieve the seven date challenge, I don't know about you. I don't know any single 1076 00:56:09.840 --> 00:56:13.600 men. If I knew single men, I think I'm a great catch. I think I'm fun and friendly. 1077 00:56:13.600 --> 00:56:18.480 If I could actually meet single men in real life and like make it work, like I wouldn't have, 1078 00:56:19.040 --> 00:56:24.080 it'd be fine, but I just wasn't meeting men. So for me to take this dating challenge seriously, 1079 00:56:24.640 --> 00:56:31.120 I had to make that one of the things I was willing to do. And you guys, I think I had 16 dates in the 1080 00:56:31.120 --> 00:56:35.920 first four months, like live dates. There was three restaurants I rotated. People were just 1081 00:56:35.920 --> 00:56:41.920 laughing at me. I'm like, that's me again. And, and so I learned to text you guys. So here's 1082 00:56:41.920 --> 00:56:47.600 the thing. If you want to get live dates, do not text more than three or four days. 1083 00:56:47.600 --> 00:56:52.800 That's the first thing. Don't text more than three or four days. The minute they start asking 1084 00:56:52.800 --> 00:57:00.000 you questions that have to do with your thoughts, feelings, opinions, dreams, hopes, you say, 1085 00:57:00.000 --> 00:57:05.600 hey, that's a great question. Not good for texting. I'd be happy to move it to a video date. 1086 00:57:05.600 --> 00:57:09.600 I know a lot of you guys want to go to phone dates. I know a lot of you get Google voice 1087 00:57:09.600 --> 00:57:15.040 numbers. Other coaches talk about it. I am personally not a fan of switching to a phone 1088 00:57:15.040 --> 00:57:21.360 number. Here's why I could, it could also prolong the texting crap. It means that they might call 1089 00:57:21.360 --> 00:57:26.480 me when I'm in the shower and I don't have time to talk to them. I want to see them. I want to 1090 00:57:26.480 --> 00:57:31.840 make sure that they are who they say they are. Those pictures aren't 15 years too old. Like, 1091 00:57:31.840 --> 00:57:36.880 and I want to see their body language, their tone and flexion and body language. I want to see what 1092 00:57:36.880 --> 00:57:41.040 other crap they have in their house. You'll learn so much in that first video date. Now, 1093 00:57:41.040 --> 00:57:46.080 after that first video date, if we're like gelling and he asks for my number, have at it. He can have 1094 00:57:46.080 --> 00:57:52.160 my phone number. I can always block him afterwards, but I don't like going from the app to phone. I 1095 00:57:52.160 --> 00:57:57.440 want to see them and I want them to see me because y'all, I've had guys like literally within 15 1096 00:57:57.440 --> 00:58:02.480 minutes almost call it and I'm like, okay, well I clearly wasn't his physical type. I thought I 1097 00:58:02.480 --> 00:58:07.920 looked exactly like my photos, but bye-bye. So that would be the first thing, Becca, is try to 1098 00:58:07.920 --> 00:58:14.240 keep those texts to only three or four days. You want to book that video, then maybe a phone call 1099 00:58:14.240 --> 00:58:18.640 and say, hey, you know what? This has been so much fun. I would love to just meet you for coffee. 1100 00:58:18.640 --> 00:58:23.120 I would just love to go take a walk downtown. You know, even if it's only for 45 minutes, 1101 00:58:23.920 --> 00:58:30.720 because you mentioned you've not been on dates. So I want to help you get to those dates. You're 1102 00:58:30.720 --> 00:58:36.880 not trying to get dates to get married. So when you start off in your profile or telling them 1103 00:58:36.880 --> 00:58:42.240 in the first two weeks, I want a believer. He needs to go to church. I don't want to have sex 1104 00:58:42.240 --> 00:58:48.160 before I got marriage. You guys, those are things you want in your husband. Those aren't things that 1105 00:58:48.160 --> 00:58:55.120 you want in those initial dates. Especially if for those of you that have not been out on dates, 1106 00:58:55.120 --> 00:58:59.520 we want you to get out on some dates with some seemingly nice guys that you're not going to 1107 00:58:59.520 --> 00:59:05.440 have sex with. You're going to be fine. You're going to meet during the day. So now Becca, 1108 00:59:05.440 --> 00:59:10.640 if you're still like, look, I don't want to do any online dating. That is fine. I'm personally, 1109 00:59:10.640 --> 00:59:16.160 I just broke up with somebody I was planning to get married to. I did the hard thing of breaking 1110 00:59:16.160 --> 00:59:21.840 up. I don't have the grace for online dating this summer. I'm super busy. I've got some really big 1111 00:59:21.840 --> 00:59:26.720 goals, but I'm making the commitment that I tell all of you guys, if you don't do online dating, 1112 00:59:26.720 --> 00:59:32.320 you got to get out there. You got to do something to get out there. So are you willing to like, 1113 00:59:32.320 --> 00:59:36.640 there's two different coffee shops I now bring my laptop to. There's a cute little place called 1114 00:59:36.640 --> 00:59:41.840 Stable Reserve. It's like bourbon and coffee. It's really cool. And I make sure I look cute 1115 00:59:41.840 --> 00:59:46.240 when I go there. I'm going to be, I have a couple of single friends and every week we're going to 1116 00:59:46.240 --> 00:59:51.760 be taken in like an art crawl. We're going to, we're going to, a park, a concert series. Like 1117 00:59:51.760 --> 00:59:57.520 we're going to be doing stuff to get us out where men might be to go meet people. So Becca, 1118 00:59:57.520 --> 00:59:59.920 if you're not willing to go online, I need you. 1119 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.680 You get super excited, get a couple of your friends 1120 01:00:03.680 --> 01:00:07.040 and start to think about, and every single week, 1121 01:00:07.040 --> 01:00:08.960 you need to put yourself in a position 1122 01:00:08.960 --> 01:00:11.880 where you can socialize with other people. 1123 01:00:11.880 --> 01:00:15.240 And you guys, the best way to socialize with men 1124 01:00:15.240 --> 01:00:19.600 is go with your girlfriend and go eat dinner at a bar, 1125 01:00:19.600 --> 01:00:23.280 the bar area of a nice restaurant. 1126 01:00:23.280 --> 01:00:26.960 So you get seated faster, you can get a nice dinner, 1127 01:00:26.960 --> 01:00:29.200 and there's a lot more camaraderie 1128 01:00:29.200 --> 01:00:31.800 than you and your girlfriend going off to a table. 1129 01:00:31.800 --> 01:00:33.040 Don't do that. 1130 01:00:33.040 --> 01:00:35.000 So that's what I'm gonna encourage you to do. 1131 01:00:35.000 --> 01:00:39.200 I'm gonna encourage you to find ways 1132 01:00:39.200 --> 01:00:42.840 to not have them not select you right away. 1133 01:00:43.880 --> 01:00:45.240 Is any of this helping? 1134 01:00:45.240 --> 01:00:46.160 Are you like, are you fine? 1135 01:00:46.160 --> 01:00:47.920 Yeah, I mean, part of the problem 1136 01:00:47.920 --> 01:00:51.120 is a lot of my girlfriends don't live in town anymore. 1137 01:00:51.120 --> 01:00:53.360 So I do have one that's coming to visit in a week 1138 01:00:53.360 --> 01:00:54.840 and that's actually a great idea. 1139 01:00:54.840 --> 01:00:56.600 Well, guess what? 1140 01:00:56.600 --> 01:00:59.880 All these coffee shops, that bourbon thing, I go alone. 1141 01:00:59.880 --> 01:01:02.000 I take my laptop and I go alone. 1142 01:01:02.000 --> 01:01:02.960 Does it suck? 1143 01:01:02.960 --> 01:01:06.560 Yes, but I'm making, now that I'm doing it so often, 1144 01:01:06.560 --> 01:01:07.480 I don't mind it. 1145 01:01:07.480 --> 01:01:10.760 I've even have gone to a restaurant bar by myself 1146 01:01:10.760 --> 01:01:13.760 for dinner and you'd be surprised how much people 1147 01:01:13.760 --> 01:01:17.680 like are on business trips, people come right after work. 1148 01:01:17.680 --> 01:01:18.760 You'd be surprised how much 1149 01:01:18.760 --> 01:01:21.040 you're not the only person doing that. 1150 01:01:22.160 --> 01:01:23.000 And you know what? 1151 01:01:23.000 --> 01:01:25.080 You can find like couples at your church 1152 01:01:25.080 --> 01:01:26.160 that you're friends with to say, 1153 01:01:26.160 --> 01:01:28.200 hey, would you guys be willing to go this? 1154 01:01:28.200 --> 01:01:29.920 Or if you have a girlfriend that's married, 1155 01:01:29.920 --> 01:01:31.440 would somebody be willing to go to this? 1156 01:01:31.440 --> 01:01:33.760 Or, and then at the very least, 1157 01:01:33.760 --> 01:01:35.800 the other thing you can do Becca is, 1158 01:01:35.800 --> 01:01:37.420 and you guys, this is for everybody, 1159 01:01:37.420 --> 01:01:39.480 especially if you don't wanna get online, 1160 01:01:39.480 --> 01:01:42.120 look up your meetup groups in your area 1161 01:01:42.120 --> 01:01:45.960 and look up volunteer gigs, Habitat for Humanity, 1162 01:01:45.960 --> 01:01:48.880 Serve the Homeless, Meal Collection. 1163 01:01:48.880 --> 01:01:50.880 Guys show up for things like that. 1164 01:01:50.880 --> 01:01:52.880 They like to get their hands dirty. 1165 01:01:52.880 --> 01:01:56.680 So if there's a, look for the, like Nashville, 1166 01:01:56.680 --> 01:01:59.440 we have a nonprofit called Hands on Nashville. 1167 01:01:59.440 --> 01:02:01.640 And if you sign up any given weekend, 1168 01:02:01.640 --> 01:02:03.980 you can go find a volunteer gig to do, 1169 01:02:03.980 --> 01:02:06.320 but find out what's going on volunteer wise 1170 01:02:06.320 --> 01:02:07.160 in your community. 1171 01:02:07.160 --> 01:02:11.360 So go volunteer in a co-ed environment and go join. 1172 01:02:11.360 --> 01:02:13.480 You're like, oh my gosh, those same meetup groups 1173 01:02:13.480 --> 01:02:15.680 only have like the same ugly five guys. 1174 01:02:15.680 --> 01:02:18.040 Well then go try a different meetup group. 1175 01:02:18.040 --> 01:02:19.760 Go take swimming lessons. 1176 01:02:19.760 --> 01:02:23.480 Go to literally go spend 10 bucks 1177 01:02:23.480 --> 01:02:25.480 and go work out at Planet Fitness. 1178 01:02:25.480 --> 01:02:28.520 Go to Bass Pro Shop and practice flirting 1179 01:02:28.520 --> 01:02:31.040 with all of the men and asking, 1180 01:02:31.040 --> 01:02:35.280 go to the hiking store and go just talk to guys 1181 01:02:35.280 --> 01:02:38.400 about buying hiking socks. 1182 01:02:38.400 --> 01:02:41.360 Go to the golf course and grab some clubs 1183 01:02:41.360 --> 01:02:44.960 and go hit a bucket of balls at the driving range. 1184 01:02:44.960 --> 01:02:47.040 Like whatever reason you're gonna tell me 1185 01:02:47.040 --> 01:02:49.280 why you can't meet people in public, 1186 01:02:49.800 --> 01:02:52.400 I'm gonna give you five things that you can try to do 1187 01:02:52.400 --> 01:02:54.040 to go meet people. 1188 01:02:54.040 --> 01:02:57.260 And you guys in the feed, start encouraging each other. 1189 01:02:57.260 --> 01:02:59.480 Hey, Renee mentioned a bunch of things. 1190 01:02:59.480 --> 01:03:00.320 What were they? 1191 01:03:00.320 --> 01:03:03.020 Or what have you guys done to find people to meet? 1192 01:03:04.000 --> 01:03:05.980 Put them in there and start encouraging each other 1193 01:03:05.980 --> 01:03:07.120 to try different things. 1194 01:03:07.120 --> 01:03:10.600 And you might find that your community has more things. 1195 01:03:10.600 --> 01:03:13.320 Like I've done one-on-one coaching calls with people. 1196 01:03:13.320 --> 01:03:15.080 There's nothing to do in my town. 1197 01:03:15.080 --> 01:03:16.080 I'm like, okay. 1198 01:03:16.080 --> 01:03:18.160 So while we're literally on the Zoom call, 1199 01:03:18.160 --> 01:03:21.700 I will start Googling and I find like 15 different things 1200 01:03:21.700 --> 01:03:23.960 they can do in the next two months in their community. 1201 01:03:23.960 --> 01:03:26.440 I'm like, you got so much to do here. 1202 01:03:26.440 --> 01:03:27.280 What are you talking about? 1203 01:03:27.280 --> 01:03:28.640 You got nothing to do. 1204 01:03:28.640 --> 01:03:30.880 So that's my encouragement to you, Becca. 1205 01:03:30.880 --> 01:03:34.240 My encouragement to you is consider 1206 01:03:34.240 --> 01:03:36.120 how you can go about your day. 1207 01:03:36.120 --> 01:03:39.940 Go shopping at the grocery store at a different time. 1208 01:03:39.940 --> 01:03:43.000 Pick the grocery store that's right next to like 1209 01:03:43.000 --> 01:03:46.920 where the firemen go, the fire stations. 1210 01:03:46.920 --> 01:03:47.760 I'm not kidding. 1211 01:03:48.400 --> 01:03:49.240 Find out the schedule. 1212 01:03:49.240 --> 01:03:50.800 Like I used to go to like, 1213 01:03:50.800 --> 01:03:53.300 there's a fireman right there. 1214 01:03:54.160 --> 01:03:56.980 You know, like, so start to be creative. 1215 01:03:58.640 --> 01:04:01.120 Start to be creative about where you're willing to go. 1216 01:04:01.120 --> 01:04:03.720 Change the grocery store, change the coffee shop 1217 01:04:03.720 --> 01:04:05.840 and make sure every time you leave the house, 1218 01:04:05.840 --> 01:04:08.640 you got on a cute outfit, makeup's on point. 1219 01:04:08.640 --> 01:04:11.340 You got some jewelry on and you just smile. 1220 01:04:11.340 --> 01:04:13.040 And here's what you guys are gonna stop doing 1221 01:04:13.040 --> 01:04:14.560 when you walk in places. 1222 01:04:14.560 --> 01:04:16.100 You're gonna stop doing this. 1223 01:04:17.100 --> 01:04:17.940 Okay? 1224 01:04:17.940 --> 01:04:19.500 So I want you to put your phone away 1225 01:04:19.500 --> 01:04:21.700 and actually start paying attention to people, 1226 01:04:21.700 --> 01:04:23.780 smiling, letting men open the door. 1227 01:04:23.780 --> 01:04:25.200 Here's what you're gonna practice 1228 01:04:25.200 --> 01:04:27.300 also being in that divine feminine. 1229 01:04:27.300 --> 01:04:30.620 Let men reach for stuff that you maybe could reach. 1230 01:04:30.620 --> 01:04:32.380 Let them open the door for you. 1231 01:04:32.380 --> 01:04:33.220 Say yes. 1232 01:04:33.220 --> 01:04:36.060 When they offer to do something, say yes, yes, yes, yes. 1233 01:04:36.060 --> 01:04:37.340 Okay, Tiffany, you're up. 1234 01:04:39.220 --> 01:04:40.620 Hi, Renee. 1235 01:04:40.620 --> 01:04:42.020 I have not started dating yet. 1236 01:04:42.020 --> 01:04:44.580 I'm gonna work on my profile this week. 1237 01:04:44.580 --> 01:04:48.860 And my personality is, I'm very confident. 1238 01:04:48.860 --> 01:04:50.860 I'm very straightforward. 1239 01:04:50.860 --> 01:04:53.660 I work in like a male dominated industry. 1240 01:04:53.660 --> 01:04:55.700 I'm an Enneagram eight for reference. 1241 01:04:55.700 --> 01:05:00.700 And so I often get that I'm. 1242 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.320 intimidating and I get that from women at church and men. 1243 01:05:04.320 --> 01:05:09.600 And so can you talk a little bit about how to work on like the softer, slower, divine 1244 01:05:09.600 --> 01:05:10.840 feminine side of me? 1245 01:05:10.840 --> 01:05:11.840 Okay. 1246 01:05:11.840 --> 01:05:13.840 Did you watch the divine feminine video? 1247 01:05:13.840 --> 01:05:14.840 I did. 1248 01:05:14.840 --> 01:05:15.840 Okay. 1249 01:05:15.840 --> 01:05:18.600 So I'm going to be unpacking that a lot next week. 1250 01:05:18.600 --> 01:05:22.120 So next week is divine feminine, but I will say this. 1251 01:05:22.120 --> 01:05:25.960 So I'm a two, but when twos get all pissed off, we become an eight. 1252 01:05:25.960 --> 01:05:27.640 So I'm like the worst version of an eight. 1253 01:05:27.640 --> 01:05:28.640 You're at least a good eight. 1254 01:05:28.640 --> 01:05:33.400 Like I'm the worst version of it, but I still got the intimidated thing. 1255 01:05:33.400 --> 01:05:39.080 And so, but I was, so here's my cheat sheet before next week's teaching on this. 1256 01:05:39.080 --> 01:05:43.080 It's even on my, somebody gave me this sticker and it was meant for something else, but I 1257 01:05:43.080 --> 01:05:45.800 think it really works in the divine feminine. 1258 01:05:45.800 --> 01:05:50.560 It's SLS, slower, lower, softer. 1259 01:05:50.560 --> 01:05:57.640 So if you talk slower, you drop your voice and let it go a little bit lower and you soften 1260 01:05:57.640 --> 01:05:59.320 your voice. 1261 01:05:59.320 --> 01:06:03.960 You can say the same damn thing that you do when you're a boss babe, but it doesn't come 1262 01:06:03.960 --> 01:06:07.680 out so strong and intimidating. 1263 01:06:07.680 --> 01:06:10.680 See what I did there? 1264 01:06:10.680 --> 01:06:11.680 Okay. 1265 01:06:11.680 --> 01:06:12.680 Yeah. 1266 01:06:12.680 --> 01:06:13.680 I like it. 1267 01:06:13.680 --> 01:06:16.080 Slower, softer. 1268 01:06:16.080 --> 01:06:21.540 Because when we're badasses, like it's like we get stronger and stronger and our voice 1269 01:06:21.540 --> 01:06:25.360 gets louder and we talk faster because like, man, we got it. 1270 01:06:25.360 --> 01:06:28.360 And I don't know about you, Tiffany, but like, I mean, I was up in New York City, like 1271 01:06:28.360 --> 01:06:30.360 the Donald Trumps of the world do not scare me. 1272 01:06:30.360 --> 01:06:34.240 Like I can go head to head with those dudes, but down in the South, like that scares the 1273 01:06:34.240 --> 01:06:35.640 shit out of people. 1274 01:06:35.640 --> 01:06:37.680 And so like, they don't know what to do with me. 1275 01:06:37.680 --> 01:06:45.900 So I really, and I will tell you this though, Tiffany, you will try to attract men that 1276 01:06:45.900 --> 01:06:47.840 can handle that a little bit. 1277 01:06:47.840 --> 01:06:52.640 Like it is not a surprise that all of the men that I've dated since living in Nashville 1278 01:06:52.640 --> 01:06:54.620 all weren't from Nashville. 1279 01:06:54.620 --> 01:06:58.780 They all came from Maryland, Chicago, New York. 1280 01:06:58.780 --> 01:07:01.420 So people up North don't find me intimidating. 1281 01:07:01.420 --> 01:07:06.900 Like I've never heard in New York that I'm direct or intimidating or strong. 1282 01:07:06.900 --> 01:07:07.900 No, no. 1283 01:07:07.900 --> 01:07:13.660 In fact, I'm a wuss bag up North, but down here, it's a big deal. 1284 01:07:13.660 --> 01:07:19.920 And so lower, slower, softer is one thing that I will encourage you to do. 1285 01:07:19.920 --> 01:07:26.200 And I've also learned, and I hate doing, I hate telling you to do this, but you don't 1286 01:07:26.200 --> 01:07:28.040 have to share all your stuff. 1287 01:07:28.040 --> 01:07:31.960 Like so I stopped saying when I was running Hope Clinic, I stopped saying, oh, I'm the 1288 01:07:31.960 --> 01:07:32.960 CEO of a company. 1289 01:07:32.960 --> 01:07:36.360 I'm like, oh, I'm a director at a company. 1290 01:07:36.360 --> 01:07:43.000 You know, I used to run, not I run marathons, you know, like I just would in the beginning 1291 01:07:43.000 --> 01:07:47.880 just try to soften or just say a little bit less. 1292 01:07:47.880 --> 01:07:51.760 Like show all of your genius cards right away. 1293 01:07:51.760 --> 01:07:57.680 Like kind of just kind of hold some of those genius cards in. 1294 01:07:57.680 --> 01:08:01.600 We can't help ourselves, but so that's my advice until next week. 1295 01:08:01.600 --> 01:08:02.600 Does that help? 1296 01:08:02.600 --> 01:08:03.600 Okay. 1297 01:08:03.600 --> 01:08:04.600 Yeah, that's great. 1298 01:08:04.600 --> 01:08:07.240 Just practice being a little mysterious, I think. 1299 01:08:07.240 --> 01:08:08.240 Yes. 1300 01:08:08.240 --> 01:08:09.240 Yes. 1301 01:08:09.240 --> 01:08:13.160 And because we are direct, we just think we're like, we just think we're being honest. 1302 01:08:13.160 --> 01:08:16.399 And it's, remember what Jackie said at the beginning of the call, if you guys are on 1303 01:08:16.399 --> 01:08:20.720 from the beginning of the call, she said if she knew about her ex-husband, I mean, 1304 01:08:20.720 --> 01:08:23.520 her husband's ex-wife, she wouldn't have married him. 1305 01:08:23.520 --> 01:08:25.840 You guys, that's happened to me a lot. 1306 01:08:25.840 --> 01:08:30.000 And I also come from social services, so I'm really good at getting people to vomit their 1307 01:08:30.000 --> 01:08:31.840 story right away to me. 1308 01:08:31.840 --> 01:08:33.880 It was great for social services. 1309 01:08:33.880 --> 01:08:36.319 It was great for donors giving me money right away. 1310 01:08:36.319 --> 01:08:38.200 Like I would connect with them. 1311 01:08:38.200 --> 01:08:39.200 It's great in ministry. 1312 01:08:39.200 --> 01:08:43.040 It's terrible in dating because I learned too much too quickly. 1313 01:08:43.040 --> 01:08:50.040 And so I have to really rein in my gift that says to people, I'm safe, you can vomit everything 1314 01:08:50.040 --> 01:08:51.319 to me. 1315 01:08:51.319 --> 01:08:55.279 Because sometimes I've learned too much information about a guy in the first two weeks. 1316 01:08:55.279 --> 01:08:57.160 And I'm like, nah, nah, I can't date you. 1317 01:08:57.160 --> 01:09:01.800 Like I just can't, because I can't unknow this and it's too much trauma. 1318 01:09:01.800 --> 01:09:07.120 Like I don't have enough good deposits of who you are for me to hear the trauma. 1319 01:09:07.120 --> 01:09:10.840 And you guys, and that's why she doesn't want you to share the trauma right away. 1320 01:09:10.840 --> 01:09:15.080 You want to be depositing a lot of positive things about you, which kind of goes back 1321 01:09:15.080 --> 01:09:17.279 to what Becca was saying about the no sex things. 1322 01:09:17.279 --> 01:09:21.840 I want to give him 20 reasons why he can't wait to see me on a date. 1323 01:09:21.840 --> 01:09:25.760 I want to give him 20 more reasons why he can't wait to book that second and third and 1324 01:09:25.760 --> 01:09:26.760 fourth date. 1325 01:09:26.760 --> 01:09:31.800 So by the time that we're talking about no sex, he's already gained 30 gold coins about 1326 01:09:31.800 --> 01:09:32.800 me. 1327 01:09:32.800 --> 01:09:36.760 And all of a sudden the no sex role isn't seeming as big as it did when he barely even 1328 01:09:36.760 --> 01:09:37.760 knew me. 1329 01:09:37.760 --> 01:09:38.760 So that's kind of the idea. 1330 01:09:38.760 --> 01:09:39.760 Thanks. 1331 01:09:40.200 --> 01:09:42.160 You bet, sweetie. 1332 01:09:42.160 --> 01:09:43.160 Abi. 1333 01:09:43.160 --> 01:09:44.160 Yes. 1334 01:09:44.160 --> 01:09:50.439 Can you hear me and see me? 1335 01:09:50.439 --> 01:09:51.439 I can. 1336 01:09:51.439 --> 01:09:52.439 I can hear you. 1337 01:09:52.439 --> 01:09:53.439 Okay. 1338 01:09:53.439 --> 01:09:58.720 So I just kind of want to continue, you know, my posts online, just give updates and I also 1339 01:09:58.720 --> 01:10:00.020 have some questions about. 1340 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:08.560 my type, my attachment. So the updates is like on Friday, I prayed to God. I'm like, 1341 01:10:08.560 --> 01:10:13.200 if this guy is just, the younger guy is just a distraction, would you please? 1342 01:10:13.920 --> 01:10:20.160 Oh, yes. I remember. Yeah. He just doesn't show up. And he didn't show up. Like right after I 1343 01:10:20.160 --> 01:10:26.640 prayed and he sent a group, like to the group chat, he said, I'm not able to come tonight. 1344 01:10:26.640 --> 01:10:34.160 And then I saw him on Sunday though, but I didn't feel anything on Sunday, like immediately. And I 1345 01:10:34.160 --> 01:10:41.600 realized it's probably related to how my trauma of like emotional neglect since my childhood. 1346 01:10:41.600 --> 01:10:47.360 And my dad became very passive in my teenager years, doesn't show up. And also those years, 1347 01:10:47.360 --> 01:10:53.920 I didn't have a lot of male friends. I don't know why. Like I used to run around with the neighborhood 1348 01:10:53.920 --> 01:11:01.760 boys and we played together a lot. So yeah, but my question is, I know you guys encourage people 1349 01:11:01.760 --> 01:11:08.240 to date in the second stage, but I don't know whether I need more healing from this area. 1350 01:11:10.160 --> 01:11:15.040 Well, remember what Jackie said at the beginning of the session tonight, you guys, 1351 01:11:15.040 --> 01:11:21.840 there's only so much healing you can do single and not dating. This was like the biggest piece 1352 01:11:21.840 --> 01:11:27.120 of advice Jackie gave me like three years ago when I first met her. And I just had this epiphany 1353 01:11:27.120 --> 01:11:30.960 because I don't know about y'all, but I always walk into relationships. I feel like, oh my gosh, 1354 01:11:30.960 --> 01:11:36.080 I'm so healed. I'm so cured. I'm not going to make any of these mistakes again. And then I start 1355 01:11:36.080 --> 01:11:41.520 dating and then poof, I get triggered. And it's like, all this stuff comes up and I'm like, I'm 1356 01:11:41.520 --> 01:11:45.840 an utter failure. I can't believe I'm kind of falling for this. And that's when Jackie was like, 1357 01:11:45.840 --> 01:11:52.160 no, that's just it. You can only do so much healing single. Some of the healing has to happen 1358 01:11:52.160 --> 01:11:55.760 while you're dating. And then it's going to happen when you're in a serious relationship. 1359 01:11:56.560 --> 01:12:01.120 And so there were even things in this most recent relationship, you guys, 1360 01:12:01.760 --> 01:12:09.680 I was so much stronger and healthier. And I saw, and you know, he had yellow flags. Jackie says, 1361 01:12:09.680 --> 01:12:14.000 everyone's got yellow flags and they're either going to turn green or red. And I just knew how 1362 01:12:14.000 --> 01:12:20.240 to date healthy this time. I was able to get past my triggers. And then those yellow became like 1363 01:12:20.240 --> 01:12:25.840 screaming red flags. And she talks about how her God defended. And you guys, it ain't kidding. 1364 01:12:26.400 --> 01:12:31.520 Like part of why we were able to break up was that he revealed truth to me that he really 1365 01:12:31.520 --> 01:12:37.040 shouldn't have not like, he really had no reason to tell me the truth, but because he did, I was 1366 01:12:37.040 --> 01:12:42.160 like, oh my gosh, I can't believe you're telling me this. Like now I know I was right. And so 1367 01:12:42.160 --> 01:12:48.720 what I'll say to you, Abby, is you have to kind of sit in the tension of, but you got to do 1368 01:12:48.720 --> 01:12:53.040 something about it. So I would say if you are getting distracted by a younger man, you need 1369 01:12:53.040 --> 01:13:00.880 to cut him off. Like, so this is what dating healthy looks like. If somebody is distracting 1370 01:13:00.880 --> 01:13:06.000 you, it's kind of back to what Malia was talking about. If somebody is distracting you and you're 1371 01:13:06.000 --> 01:13:11.520 stunted and you're not moving forward and you're not making healthy choices, you know better. 1372 01:13:12.080 --> 01:13:18.480 So do better. So cut off people, Abby, that are not helping you propel forward. And that's 1373 01:13:18.480 --> 01:13:24.400 girlfriends, that's coworkers, that's guys that you're talking to. You've done the hard work. 1374 01:13:24.400 --> 01:13:31.040 You don't need people like in that, you don't need like people halfway in your life who are 1375 01:13:31.040 --> 01:13:36.160 sometimes giving you crumbs and sometimes sucking the life force out of you. We don't need those 1376 01:13:36.160 --> 01:13:42.000 people in our life. We need to put healthy people in our life. Jackie always says something like, 1377 01:13:43.200 --> 01:13:49.440 sometimes we have to say no to good to be available for great. So that's my advice. 1378 01:13:49.440 --> 01:13:55.600 Then that's the question. Like, it sounds like, okay, I'm not dating and now I'm suggest a date. 1379 01:13:56.320 --> 01:14:03.280 Then I'm a little bit confused. Cause well, I'm not, I'm not saying you shouldn't date. I'm just 1380 01:14:03.280 --> 01:14:08.560 saying you shouldn't date this guy. Cause there's nothing about that. I know we need to set up 1381 01:14:08.560 --> 01:14:14.160 healthy boundary, like a healthy, like standard, like the day, the healthy guys, but not many 1382 01:14:14.160 --> 01:14:19.440 healthy guys out there. Right. That's a standard. A lot of people already like filled out. Like 1383 01:14:19.440 --> 01:14:23.600 there are people interested in me, but they're not healthy. You know, how do I know they're 1384 01:14:23.600 --> 01:14:28.400 healthy enough to date? Well, you don't. And that's what discovery dating is all about. So 1385 01:14:28.400 --> 01:14:32.720 that's a very fair question. Abby's asking everybody, you guys, how do you know he's 1386 01:14:32.720 --> 01:14:38.160 healthy? And sometimes you do not know on a text and you do not know on a video date. And sometimes 1387 01:14:38.160 --> 01:14:42.640 you don't even know in the first date. And sometimes it takes three or four dates before 1388 01:14:42.640 --> 01:14:47.520 you can tell what their patterns are. The other thing I can tell you after, you know, almost 1389 01:14:47.520 --> 01:14:53.520 getting married to somebody, I can tell you get past 90 days. Anybody can snow you for 90 days. 1390 01:14:53.520 --> 01:14:59.680 Anybody can kind of fake pattern and be all good, but get past 90 days. Jackie's even saying these 1391 01:14:59.680 --> 01:14:59.840 days. 1392 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.720 Like get through all four seasons, like get through hard stuff. 1393 01:15:03.720 --> 01:15:07.880 So Abby, you're doing the right thing and you just need to keep dating folks. 1394 01:15:07.880 --> 01:15:15.240 Now, if you keep attracting the same kind of guy, the same kind of unhealthy, then bring 1395 01:15:15.240 --> 01:15:20.320 it to us so we can talk to you about the pattern you're probably falling yourself into. 1396 01:15:20.320 --> 01:15:25.640 Now, if you date it and you found a guy and he's a little bit unhealthy over here and 1397 01:15:25.640 --> 01:15:30.800 you move on and then you meet another guy and he's completely different unhealthy, that's 1398 01:15:30.800 --> 01:15:35.760 you just kind of figuring it out and recalibrating and so that's okay. 1399 01:15:35.760 --> 01:15:41.360 So if you guys are meeting men and you're finding different issues with them, then that's 1400 01:15:41.360 --> 01:15:42.560 you learning. 1401 01:15:42.560 --> 01:15:49.640 Now, if you're meeting guys that on paper look super healthy and you just can't keep 1402 01:15:49.640 --> 01:15:54.520 getting attracted to them and you continue to be attracted to the bad boys, that also 1403 01:15:54.520 --> 01:16:00.160 shows area of heart work and that goes back to what Jackie was saying, what's your type 1404 01:16:00.160 --> 01:16:05.080 and where did your type come from and is it coming from a godly and healthy place? 1405 01:16:05.080 --> 01:16:18.880 So I know it's not easy, but Abby, just keep, just, oh my gosh, Steph, that's so nice of 1406 01:16:18.880 --> 01:16:21.480 you to offer to pray for her, that's so sweet of you. 1407 01:16:21.480 --> 01:16:22.680 So that's my encouragement to you. 1408 01:16:22.680 --> 01:16:25.480 I know it can be discouraging. 1409 01:16:25.480 --> 01:16:30.320 So like I said, all the same ideas that I gave Becca, just, you guys, this is all about 1410 01:16:30.320 --> 01:16:33.000 getting out there in your divine feminine self. 1411 01:16:33.000 --> 01:16:37.120 You guys, I used to go to the store all the time too, I mean, I'm not a hermit, but sometimes 1412 01:16:37.120 --> 01:16:40.400 I looked like I was dressed for Walmart, you know, and that was not going to attract a 1413 01:16:40.400 --> 01:16:43.280 hot guy or a good guy. 1414 01:16:43.280 --> 01:16:46.960 Sometimes I would stare at my phone the whole time when I would go out or I was, I used 1415 01:16:46.960 --> 01:16:51.680 to work out at a bougie little Pilates bar studio that only had women. 1416 01:16:51.680 --> 01:16:53.480 I ain't going to meet a guy there. 1417 01:16:53.480 --> 01:16:58.360 And so I had to really think about adjusting all the things that I do day in and day out 1418 01:16:58.360 --> 01:17:02.040 so I could start to raise the potential of talking to people. 1419 01:17:02.040 --> 01:17:07.440 Like even when my Mini Cooper is at the shop at BMW, I always talk to the old men that 1420 01:17:07.440 --> 01:17:11.360 are waiting for their car to get service because one of those old men might have a son for 1421 01:17:11.360 --> 01:17:12.360 me. 1422 01:17:12.360 --> 01:17:14.960 One of those old men might have a younger brother for me. 1423 01:17:14.960 --> 01:17:16.440 So you just never know. 1424 01:17:16.440 --> 01:17:22.200 So that's what I want you to just start practicing, Abby, is just continuing to make new connections. 1425 01:17:22.200 --> 01:17:26.160 And that's the thing, like somebody that is the perfect guy for you, you're going to meet 1426 01:17:26.160 --> 01:17:27.720 as a friend of a friend. 1427 01:17:27.720 --> 01:17:32.840 Or it could be like Caitlin is getting to know Abby here because she's like, oh my gosh, 1428 01:17:32.840 --> 01:17:33.840 Abby's so awesome. 1429 01:17:33.840 --> 01:17:34.840 You know what? 1430 01:17:34.840 --> 01:17:38.000 I went on a date with a guy that I don't think he's for me, but I think he'd be perfect for 1431 01:17:38.000 --> 01:17:39.000 Abby. 1432 01:17:39.000 --> 01:17:42.640 And that's what we call community matchmaking here. 1433 01:17:42.640 --> 01:17:44.200 I hope that helps you a little bit. 1434 01:17:45.200 --> 01:17:47.520 I'm just going to encourage you to keep pressing on. 1435 01:17:47.520 --> 01:17:49.360 You're doing the right stuff, girl. 1436 01:17:49.360 --> 01:17:50.360 Dawn, you're up. 1437 01:17:53.360 --> 01:17:54.360 Yes. 1438 01:17:54.360 --> 01:17:55.800 Hello, Renee. 1439 01:17:55.800 --> 01:18:00.660 So I have like three different guy situations for the discovery to dating. 1440 01:18:00.660 --> 01:18:06.640 One guy I met online on the dating app, two guys I met on Upwork, the dating app. 1441 01:18:06.640 --> 01:18:13.720 The third guy I had met with, I was going to this different meeting with a praise and 1442 01:18:13.720 --> 01:18:16.120 worship band and a lot of other friends of mine. 1443 01:18:16.120 --> 01:18:18.320 It was a group community thing. 1444 01:18:18.320 --> 01:18:23.160 And lo and behold, they were trying to set me up with a guy that nobody knew that he 1445 01:18:23.160 --> 01:18:25.440 was engaged and had a girlfriend. 1446 01:18:25.440 --> 01:18:26.840 So this was crazy. 1447 01:18:26.840 --> 01:18:32.640 So he actually was talking to me, very friendly and stuff, and was always acting like he was 1448 01:18:32.640 --> 01:18:36.600 interested and I had no idea that he was not single. 1449 01:18:36.600 --> 01:18:40.200 So when my girlfriend introduced me, she didn't know either. 1450 01:18:40.200 --> 01:18:47.320 And so when I had posted in the chat and asked you or Kira about dropping the hanky, well, 1451 01:18:47.320 --> 01:18:48.320 we did. 1452 01:18:48.320 --> 01:18:52.840 And when I asked him out for coffee or can I get your phone number, he finally admitted 1453 01:18:52.840 --> 01:18:54.640 that he was engaged. 1454 01:18:54.640 --> 01:18:56.960 I was like, oh my God. 1455 01:18:56.960 --> 01:18:57.960 So that one was done. 1456 01:18:57.960 --> 01:19:00.480 But at least I had the boldness to ask him. 1457 01:19:00.480 --> 01:19:01.480 So that was good practice. 1458 01:19:01.480 --> 01:19:03.200 That was very good practice. 1459 01:19:03.200 --> 01:19:05.560 So now I have two guys. 1460 01:19:06.320 --> 01:19:12.400 I have the Google voice number, but I really like it because it's not with my personal 1461 01:19:12.400 --> 01:19:13.560 cell phone. 1462 01:19:13.560 --> 01:19:15.200 So when I do put boundaries on it. 1463 01:19:15.200 --> 01:19:16.200 So I have two guys. 1464 01:19:16.200 --> 01:19:20.840 I've had one guy I had three phone calls with and one video date. 1465 01:19:20.840 --> 01:19:23.800 And he was banned from the dating app. 1466 01:19:23.800 --> 01:19:26.000 And so that was really God defended. 1467 01:19:26.000 --> 01:19:30.920 I guess that shook me up a little because he didn't do anything to me, but some other 1468 01:19:30.960 --> 01:19:37.080 woman he was fraudulent with because the dating app emailed me and told me to watch 1469 01:19:37.080 --> 01:19:43.480 out for this guy and that he was banned off the app for fraudulent behavior. 1470 01:19:43.480 --> 01:19:46.200 And meanwhile, so Don, wrap it up. 1471 01:19:46.200 --> 01:19:48.160 What's your question for me, girl? 1472 01:19:48.160 --> 01:19:53.000 I'm just going to situation and that's the situation for you to comment on. 1473 01:19:53.000 --> 01:19:56.640 Well, this was this was a situation I wanted to tell you about. 1474 01:19:56.640 --> 01:19:58.000 Is this like a common thing? 1475 01:19:58.000 --> 01:20:00.240 So the dating app, they. 1476 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.600 They went ahead and they told me. 1477 01:20:02.600 --> 01:20:08.320 Every dating app has good guys, scammers, shitty guys. 1478 01:20:08.320 --> 01:20:09.320 All of them. 1479 01:20:09.320 --> 01:20:10.320 Okay. 1480 01:20:10.320 --> 01:20:14.960 The fact that I think some of them sites are getting better at finding fraudulent people. 1481 01:20:14.960 --> 01:20:18.560 Some of them are getting better at you being able to report them. 1482 01:20:18.560 --> 01:20:21.320 And so, I mean, that is you being God defended. 1483 01:20:21.320 --> 01:20:22.320 You guys, it's happened to me. 1484 01:20:22.320 --> 01:20:26.640 I've gone out on dozens and dozens of wonderful dates with guys. 1485 01:20:26.640 --> 01:20:31.640 I've gone out on dozens of doozy dates that are hysterical and awful. 1486 01:20:31.640 --> 01:20:33.920 And I've had plenty of guys who were scammers. 1487 01:20:33.920 --> 01:20:37.520 I just don't keep track of the scammers anymore. 1488 01:20:37.520 --> 01:20:40.480 I just kind of laugh at it and just go, God defend it. 1489 01:20:40.480 --> 01:20:44.680 So of those three, is there anyone that's a good, viable option? 1490 01:20:44.680 --> 01:20:45.680 Yeah. 1491 01:20:45.680 --> 01:20:46.680 Here's the third one. 1492 01:20:46.680 --> 01:20:47.680 The third one is very good. 1493 01:20:47.680 --> 01:20:51.080 So the third guy, I've had two phone calls. 1494 01:20:51.080 --> 01:20:53.040 We've texted for like two weeks now. 1495 01:20:53.040 --> 01:20:55.460 Hey, you guys, hold on a second, hold on a second. 1496 01:20:55.460 --> 01:20:57.600 You guys, can I ask you guys to do a favor? 1497 01:20:57.600 --> 01:21:00.660 Please do not ask advice for each other. 1498 01:21:00.660 --> 01:21:04.060 I don't want you guys giving each other advice in the chat. 1499 01:21:04.060 --> 01:21:07.300 Like I don't, like let me get in there to answer. 1500 01:21:07.300 --> 01:21:11.940 I promise I will stay on this call even if I'm the only one left and you have to go to 1501 01:21:11.940 --> 01:21:15.320 bed, you can come back and I will read this question out loud. 1502 01:21:15.320 --> 01:21:20.420 So if you have to watch it in replay, I will be happy to, like there's this question on 1503 01:21:20.420 --> 01:21:23.040 how do you ask a guy if he's a Christian on the first date? 1504 01:21:23.040 --> 01:21:24.700 Please let me answer that question. 1505 01:21:24.940 --> 01:21:29.100 So you guys try, try not to like start giving each other advice. 1506 01:21:29.100 --> 01:21:33.140 Remember, like just, I want you to be really careful and I want us to like, I don't want 1507 01:21:33.140 --> 01:21:35.540 to have two conversations going on tonight. 1508 01:21:35.540 --> 01:21:39.660 Like what's going on in the chat and what I'm trying to listen to. 1509 01:21:39.660 --> 01:21:41.500 So leave your questions in the chat. 1510 01:21:41.500 --> 01:21:44.860 If you're not going to wait for me, I will get to every question. 1511 01:21:44.860 --> 01:21:49.420 If you need to go to bed, you can leave and I won't be offended, but I will read the question 1512 01:21:49.420 --> 01:21:50.420 out loud. 1513 01:21:50.420 --> 01:21:53.580 So if you're watching this in replay, you will know what the question was in the chat. 1514 01:21:53.580 --> 01:21:54.580 Okay. 1515 01:21:54.580 --> 01:21:55.580 Dawn, sorry. 1516 01:21:55.580 --> 01:21:56.580 Back to you. 1517 01:21:56.580 --> 01:21:57.580 Okay. 1518 01:21:57.580 --> 01:21:58.580 Yeah. 1519 01:21:58.580 --> 01:21:59.580 Okay. 1520 01:21:59.580 --> 01:22:00.580 Thank you, Renee. 1521 01:22:00.580 --> 01:22:01.580 So this guy is actually local. 1522 01:22:01.580 --> 01:22:05.940 So because he's local, I'm thinking we were talking about doing a face-to-face date, which 1523 01:22:05.940 --> 01:22:07.100 is going to be awesome. 1524 01:22:07.100 --> 01:22:09.860 And I mentioned coffee at Starbucks. 1525 01:22:09.860 --> 01:22:14.140 So the question was after I meet him for my face-to-face date. 1526 01:22:14.140 --> 01:22:18.420 So I'm planning, like I have a big transition coming up and I'm planning on moving and I'm 1527 01:22:18.420 --> 01:22:20.660 actually moving out of the area. 1528 01:22:20.740 --> 01:22:25.420 So should I tell this guy when I first meet him on the face-to-face date, because he wants 1529 01:22:25.420 --> 01:22:28.660 to see me because I'm local. 1530 01:22:28.660 --> 01:22:31.700 How far away are you moving? 1531 01:22:31.700 --> 01:22:33.700 Almost two hours. 1532 01:22:33.700 --> 01:22:37.380 I wouldn't say anything on the first date, but I would say if you go on a second date, 1533 01:22:37.380 --> 01:22:38.940 I would say something. 1534 01:22:38.940 --> 01:22:39.940 Okay. 1535 01:22:39.940 --> 01:22:43.540 And then let him know, drop the ball that like, if you think you still want to- 1536 01:22:43.540 --> 01:22:48.320 And just say on the first date, you're just, because here's the thing, on a first date, 1537 01:22:48.320 --> 01:22:51.720 you want to give them a reason to want to travel for you. 1538 01:22:51.720 --> 01:22:55.320 And on the first date, it's kind of a hard thing to kind of do. 1539 01:22:55.320 --> 01:22:59.960 On the first date, you're only deciding, the only goal you guys have on a first date is 1540 01:22:59.960 --> 01:23:02.080 do I want to see them again? 1541 01:23:02.080 --> 01:23:03.640 That's your only goal. 1542 01:23:03.640 --> 01:23:05.980 Do I want to book a second date with them? 1543 01:23:05.980 --> 01:23:09.560 You don't need to decide if they're your type, you're going to get married. 1544 01:23:09.560 --> 01:23:10.780 Is he a believer? 1545 01:23:10.780 --> 01:23:14.720 You just want to make sure that he's somebody you want to see again. 1546 01:23:14.720 --> 01:23:20.040 I've got the best way to get the faith thing out of them, but so I would say not on the 1547 01:23:20.040 --> 01:23:21.040 first date, Dawn. 1548 01:23:21.040 --> 01:23:22.040 Okay. 1549 01:23:22.040 --> 01:23:23.040 Not on the first date with the movie. 1550 01:23:23.040 --> 01:23:28.440 And then if he says no for me, drop the hanky because he mentioned about the face-to-face 1551 01:23:28.440 --> 01:23:31.340 date, but yet he wants to do another video date. 1552 01:23:31.340 --> 01:23:35.960 So I agreed to that and said, oh yeah, we can do another video date. 1553 01:23:35.960 --> 01:23:37.480 And you can pull the plug on that too. 1554 01:23:37.480 --> 01:23:38.480 You can say, you know what? 1555 01:23:38.480 --> 01:23:42.760 I'm willing to do one more video date, but after that, I really want to meet live. 1556 01:23:42.760 --> 01:23:46.320 And if that's not good for you, then I'm not going to do a third video date. 1557 01:23:46.320 --> 01:23:50.880 I don't usually do more than one video date before I agree to a live date. 1558 01:23:50.880 --> 01:23:54.800 Sometimes I've had two video dates just because depending on our schedules and the distance, 1559 01:23:54.800 --> 01:23:58.800 like if I'm home in Connecticut for two weeks, sometimes I'll have a couple of video dates 1560 01:23:58.800 --> 01:24:02.000 just because I'm not local until I get back home. 1561 01:24:02.000 --> 01:24:03.480 But the guy's local. 1562 01:24:03.480 --> 01:24:07.620 So then if it's on Messenger, that's considered a video date too. 1563 01:24:07.620 --> 01:24:12.120 Because if it's on Facebook, I gave him my Facebook and my Facebook page and everything 1564 01:24:12.480 --> 01:24:14.480 because we were on Facebook dating in another app. 1565 01:24:14.480 --> 01:24:16.480 Okay, Dawn, I got to go on to the next one. 1566 01:24:16.480 --> 01:24:20.240 I got to go on to the next one, but I have a lot of people on here tonight that want 1567 01:24:20.240 --> 01:24:21.240 questions. 1568 01:24:21.240 --> 01:24:22.240 Okay. 1569 01:24:22.240 --> 01:24:25.280 I'm going to, so the faith question, that's a great question. 1570 01:24:25.280 --> 01:24:27.540 Somebody asked, how do you ask about their faith? 1571 01:24:27.540 --> 01:24:31.880 So here's how I ask about, I found out about faith early on. 1572 01:24:31.880 --> 01:24:35.520 Right in the texting stage, here's what I start to do. 1573 01:24:35.520 --> 01:24:40.080 I ask, this is the question I ask. 1574 01:24:40.080 --> 01:24:48.560 How do you spend your time and what are the things that you like to do or is important 1575 01:24:48.560 --> 01:24:52.880 to you that is getting up the most, the majority of your time these days? 1576 01:24:52.880 --> 01:24:58.760 What do you like to do or what's important to you that takes up the majority of your 1577 01:24:58.760 --> 01:24:59.840 time these days? 1578 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.520 I'll go first. 1579 01:25:01.520 --> 01:25:02.680 So I even cheat. 1580 01:25:02.680 --> 01:25:04.560 I lead the question. 1581 01:25:04.560 --> 01:25:06.760 I'll go first. 1582 01:25:06.760 --> 01:25:08.040 I love to work out. 1583 01:25:08.040 --> 01:25:09.560 I love to have dinner with friends. 1584 01:25:09.560 --> 01:25:11.000 I like college sports. 1585 01:25:11.000 --> 01:25:12.680 I like community theater. 1586 01:25:12.680 --> 01:25:15.000 I'm really involved in my church. 1587 01:25:15.860 --> 01:25:18.140 I've got a life group that I love being a part of 1588 01:25:18.140 --> 01:25:20.600 and I volunteer for local nonprofits. 1589 01:25:20.600 --> 01:25:21.800 How about you? 1590 01:25:21.800 --> 01:25:23.160 And then if they answer 1591 01:25:23.160 --> 01:25:26.140 and I don't hear anything faith related in there, 1592 01:25:26.140 --> 01:25:27.160 don't say anything. 1593 01:25:27.160 --> 01:25:29.680 I just note that to myself. 1594 01:25:29.680 --> 01:25:32.400 And if I like everything else about him 1595 01:25:32.400 --> 01:25:35.080 and we book the video date, 1596 01:25:35.080 --> 01:25:37.760 I might ask on a video date, 1597 01:25:37.760 --> 01:25:42.680 so, hey, I mentioned that I'm really involved at church. 1598 01:25:42.680 --> 01:25:44.360 I go to church on Sunday. 1599 01:25:46.440 --> 01:25:48.320 How did you feel hearing about that? 1600 01:25:49.920 --> 01:25:51.880 Does faith show up for you 1601 01:25:51.880 --> 01:25:54.360 in any part of your life day to day? 1602 01:25:54.360 --> 01:25:56.320 So that's how I've asked that question. 1603 01:25:56.320 --> 01:26:00.680 Does faith show up for you in your life day to day? 1604 01:26:00.680 --> 01:26:03.280 How does faith show up for you in your life day to day? 1605 01:26:03.280 --> 01:26:05.960 Because a lot of times guys will put Christian 1606 01:26:05.960 --> 01:26:06.800 on their profile, 1607 01:26:06.800 --> 01:26:09.720 which could mean absolutely nothing or everything. 1608 01:26:09.720 --> 01:26:10.560 And just say, hey, 1609 01:26:10.560 --> 01:26:12.640 I noticed that you put Christian on your profile. 1610 01:26:12.640 --> 01:26:14.800 Would you mind telling me how faith shows up 1611 01:26:14.800 --> 01:26:15.980 for you every day? 1612 01:26:15.980 --> 01:26:18.680 Or how does it show up for you in your day to day life? 1613 01:26:18.680 --> 01:26:19.600 That's how I ask it. 1614 01:26:19.600 --> 01:26:22.120 How does it show up for you in your day to day life? 1615 01:26:22.120 --> 01:26:24.160 And again, I don't get into it. 1616 01:26:24.160 --> 01:26:27.520 So I'm not asking for their church attendance. 1617 01:26:27.520 --> 01:26:30.360 Cause you guys, the last guy that I just dumped, 1618 01:26:30.360 --> 01:26:31.860 went to church twice a week. 1619 01:26:31.860 --> 01:26:33.520 He was involved in two men's group 1620 01:26:33.520 --> 01:26:35.680 and he volunteered on Saturday and Sunday. 1621 01:26:35.680 --> 01:26:37.820 So Jackie talks about this all the time. 1622 01:26:37.820 --> 01:26:41.760 We have to look for the fruit, not the stuff. 1623 01:26:41.760 --> 01:26:44.360 So I don't care if he tells you he's an elder in the church, 1624 01:26:44.360 --> 01:26:45.680 he's in a Bible study. 1625 01:26:45.680 --> 01:26:48.320 You wanna see the fruit of his behavior 1626 01:26:48.320 --> 01:26:51.160 more than what comes out of his mouth. 1627 01:26:51.160 --> 01:26:52.280 Okay, Caitlin. 1628 01:26:55.160 --> 01:27:00.160 Hi, yeah, so Rene, I was just wanting to know, 1629 01:27:00.920 --> 01:27:03.000 so I'm doing a long distance relationship, 1630 01:27:03.000 --> 01:27:04.400 but it's getting to know, 1631 01:27:04.400 --> 01:27:08.640 just any kind of advice or help around that. 1632 01:27:08.640 --> 01:27:12.200 The last time we met up, it was in Florida, I'm in Dallas. 1633 01:27:12.200 --> 01:27:15.840 And it was like a five day thing. 1634 01:27:15.840 --> 01:27:18.480 And right now he's busy with all, he's in the air force. 1635 01:27:18.480 --> 01:27:20.680 So it's like, he's kind of landlocked with the Haiti thing. 1636 01:27:20.680 --> 01:27:23.080 So it's a little bit of a, that's hard. 1637 01:27:24.080 --> 01:27:25.240 So giving grace there. 1638 01:27:25.240 --> 01:27:27.080 So it's more just like texting right now. 1639 01:27:27.080 --> 01:27:29.600 But he has said he wants to meet up again, 1640 01:27:29.600 --> 01:27:31.920 probably looking like July, I'll be free 1641 01:27:31.920 --> 01:27:33.640 probably to go back there. 1642 01:27:33.640 --> 01:27:36.220 We haven't communicated that, but if that happens. 1643 01:27:36.220 --> 01:27:39.160 But just like any pacing boundaries, 1644 01:27:39.160 --> 01:27:40.760 like when we are together, 1645 01:27:40.760 --> 01:27:44.080 it's usually like a longer stint of time as well. 1646 01:27:44.080 --> 01:27:46.840 And then also like, just like even like, 1647 01:27:46.840 --> 01:27:48.560 we're not really FaceTiming in between. 1648 01:27:48.560 --> 01:27:49.720 So I'm like, in a way it's like, 1649 01:27:49.720 --> 01:27:51.200 you don't feel like you're getting to know, 1650 01:27:51.200 --> 01:27:52.640 he's still pursuing, but he is. 1651 01:27:53.240 --> 01:27:54.080 Like in the texts he's communicating. 1652 01:27:54.080 --> 01:27:55.280 So it's just, it's kind of tough, 1653 01:27:55.280 --> 01:27:57.800 but then there's also not like a date. 1654 01:27:57.800 --> 01:27:58.640 Does that make sense? 1655 01:27:58.640 --> 01:27:59.600 So just any help. 1656 01:27:59.600 --> 01:28:02.000 So I've done some long distance dating 1657 01:28:02.000 --> 01:28:05.480 and I will say this, the best way 1658 01:28:05.480 --> 01:28:08.320 to get a long distance video, 1659 01:28:08.320 --> 01:28:10.080 to get the video date booked 1660 01:28:10.080 --> 01:28:13.240 is to not be so available by text. 1661 01:28:13.240 --> 01:28:18.240 Because if you are texting with him all day, every day, 1662 01:28:18.760 --> 01:28:21.320 he's staying in touch with you too much 1663 01:28:21.320 --> 01:28:24.440 that he's not missing you enough to book that video date. 1664 01:28:24.440 --> 01:28:26.360 So I always try to say to, 1665 01:28:26.360 --> 01:28:28.280 and I always say this to guys up front, 1666 01:28:28.280 --> 01:28:32.480 local or long distance, I do not like texting. 1667 01:28:32.480 --> 01:28:35.920 I find texting to be an appropriate form of communication 1668 01:28:35.920 --> 01:28:40.000 to share facts and specifics and to confirm things. 1669 01:28:40.000 --> 01:28:44.080 If you wanna know my thoughts or my feelings 1670 01:28:44.080 --> 01:28:47.760 or my opinions about anything, 1671 01:28:47.760 --> 01:28:50.920 then we're gonna have that conversation by phone 1672 01:28:51.560 --> 01:28:52.840 or by video. 1673 01:28:52.840 --> 01:28:54.600 That's just how I communicate 1674 01:28:54.600 --> 01:28:56.040 because I find too many people 1675 01:28:56.040 --> 01:28:57.960 just get into this texting habit. 1676 01:28:57.960 --> 01:28:59.880 So I say that right up front, 1677 01:28:59.880 --> 01:29:01.760 that that's what my balance is. 1678 01:29:01.760 --> 01:29:05.160 And so the second the conversation starts to go in there 1679 01:29:05.160 --> 01:29:08.960 and then I start slowing down how often I respond, 1680 01:29:08.960 --> 01:29:12.040 or I might say, hey, I'm really busy at the office all day. 1681 01:29:12.040 --> 01:29:13.960 I won't be able to text tonight 1682 01:29:13.960 --> 01:29:15.640 unless you wanna book a phone call. 1683 01:29:15.640 --> 01:29:18.440 I'd be happy to talk for 15 minutes. 1684 01:29:18.440 --> 01:29:20.520 And then I'm trying to book the phone call. 1685 01:29:21.120 --> 01:29:23.200 If I am trying to date somebody long distance, 1686 01:29:23.200 --> 01:29:27.000 I do try to have that conversation really early on. 1687 01:29:27.000 --> 01:29:28.840 And I always say, hey, you know what? 1688 01:29:28.840 --> 01:29:30.960 I get long distance is hard. 1689 01:29:30.960 --> 01:29:32.880 You have to be in it to win it. 1690 01:29:32.880 --> 01:29:36.680 And so for me to even commit to keep talking to you, 1691 01:29:36.680 --> 01:29:38.760 I would wanna book a video chat, 1692 01:29:38.760 --> 01:29:41.280 even if it's just for 30 minutes once a week 1693 01:29:41.280 --> 01:29:42.800 or once every other week. 1694 01:29:42.800 --> 01:29:44.560 If we can't commit to that, 1695 01:29:44.560 --> 01:29:47.160 we're probably not gonna be able to put the time in 1696 01:29:47.160 --> 01:29:50.000 that we're gonna need to really get to know each other. 1697 01:29:50.440 --> 01:29:54.280 So I kind of set that, I would set that stage early. 1698 01:29:54.280 --> 01:29:57.600 Yeah, cause he was saying like, no, he was like, for him, 1699 01:29:57.600 --> 01:29:59.640 he was like, the focus is meet up. 1700 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.840 when I FaceTime or text you, it's all about meeting up. 1701 01:30:02.840 --> 01:30:06.040 So even the texting, honestly, is not even a lot at all. 1702 01:30:06.040 --> 01:30:08.120 But when we do that, yeah. 1703 01:30:08.120 --> 01:30:10.640 I mean, it just, and this is where you kind of have, 1704 01:30:10.640 --> 01:30:12.060 you've got nothing to lose, 1705 01:30:12.060 --> 01:30:14.200 but you don't want to make it for a situation 1706 01:30:14.200 --> 01:30:16.800 or just like, hey, I'm really enjoying getting to know you 1707 01:30:16.800 --> 01:30:17.940 and I really like you. 1708 01:30:17.940 --> 01:30:21.000 I just know that long distance dating is hard. 1709 01:30:21.000 --> 01:30:24.460 So I feel like for me, for me to still feel in it, 1710 01:30:24.460 --> 01:30:27.520 like we got to try to connect for about 45 minutes 1711 01:30:27.520 --> 01:30:32.160 to an hour once a week or every 10 days at the most, 1712 01:30:32.160 --> 01:30:33.920 at the furthest apart. 1713 01:30:33.920 --> 01:30:35.960 If we're not booking that kind of time, 1714 01:30:35.960 --> 01:30:37.800 I'm probably gonna start to wane off. 1715 01:30:37.800 --> 01:30:40.080 Like it's just not gonna work for me. 1716 01:30:40.080 --> 01:30:41.360 Yeah, that's good. 1717 01:30:41.360 --> 01:30:43.880 So that's kind of what I would say. 1718 01:30:43.880 --> 01:30:47.480 I saw another really good question in here, let's see. 1719 01:30:47.480 --> 01:30:52.160 I was on a date Sunday, came to find out he was 31. 1720 01:30:52.160 --> 01:30:53.320 How old or is too young? 1721 01:30:53.320 --> 01:30:56.200 Jackie always says time and time again, 1722 01:30:56.200 --> 01:30:57.340 age is not the issue. 1723 01:30:58.060 --> 01:30:58.900 I think it's just about, 1724 01:30:58.900 --> 01:31:00.180 are they in the same season of life as you? 1725 01:31:00.180 --> 01:31:02.780 So if you are a single mom with kids, 1726 01:31:02.780 --> 01:31:06.540 then you picking a 25 year old is probably not gonna work 1727 01:31:06.540 --> 01:31:09.300 because he's not in the space to want to hang out 1728 01:31:09.300 --> 01:31:13.060 with a single mom with kids and deal with all of that stuff. 1729 01:31:13.060 --> 01:31:15.380 I will also tell you this part of the thing that happened 1730 01:31:15.380 --> 01:31:18.220 with me and Rick is, you know, I'm going to seminary. 1731 01:31:18.220 --> 01:31:20.720 I still have got about 10 more years of my career. 1732 01:31:20.720 --> 01:31:23.100 Like I'm about to switch careers again. 1733 01:31:23.100 --> 01:31:26.740 Like I've got 10 more solid years and he's like retirement. 1734 01:31:26.740 --> 01:31:29.940 And like how we wanted to spend our time 1735 01:31:29.940 --> 01:31:32.220 and our tempo was completely different. 1736 01:31:32.220 --> 01:31:36.940 So even though there was only a seven, eight year age gap, 1737 01:31:36.940 --> 01:31:39.340 our season of lives were completely different. 1738 01:31:39.340 --> 01:31:43.740 And so I will say this, if you are talking to a guy 1739 01:31:43.740 --> 01:31:46.860 in his twenties and you're late thirties, we mature faster. 1740 01:31:46.860 --> 01:31:50.540 You are probably gonna find that you are too mature for him. 1741 01:31:50.540 --> 01:31:54.220 He's 31, I don't know how old you are, 1742 01:31:54.220 --> 01:31:56.440 but if a guy's low thirties, 1743 01:31:57.140 --> 01:32:00.360 I would say early forties about what I have noticed 1744 01:32:00.360 --> 01:32:03.640 is gonna be about the best of an age gap 1745 01:32:03.640 --> 01:32:04.480 that you can go with. 1746 01:32:04.480 --> 01:32:07.520 But Jackie always says, you know, 1747 01:32:07.520 --> 01:32:09.760 it's really about season of life. 1748 01:32:10.640 --> 01:32:14.380 If you want a man with the three M's, marriage minded, 1749 01:32:14.380 --> 01:32:19.380 masculine and mature, if that's not where he is, 1750 01:32:19.560 --> 01:32:21.000 then it didn't matter what his age is. 1751 01:32:21.000 --> 01:32:22.520 He could be the same age as you. 1752 01:32:22.520 --> 01:32:24.400 So that leads to another great question. 1753 01:32:24.400 --> 01:32:26.880 I always ask somewhere on the first date, 1754 01:32:26.880 --> 01:32:28.280 I just say, hey, no pressure. 1755 01:32:28.280 --> 01:32:29.800 I'm just really curious, 1756 01:32:29.800 --> 01:32:32.560 where are you at in your dating season? 1757 01:32:32.560 --> 01:32:34.160 Where are you at in your dating season? 1758 01:32:34.160 --> 01:32:35.880 Are you just starting out? 1759 01:32:35.880 --> 01:32:37.740 Are you just trying to get to know folks? 1760 01:32:37.740 --> 01:32:39.680 Like, I'm just curious. 1761 01:32:39.680 --> 01:32:42.000 Cause the question I don't like when men ask is, 1762 01:32:42.000 --> 01:32:43.200 how's it going for you? 1763 01:32:43.200 --> 01:32:44.480 Have you met anybody good? 1764 01:32:44.480 --> 01:32:45.440 So silly. 1765 01:32:45.440 --> 01:32:49.140 How long was your most serious relationship 1766 01:32:49.140 --> 01:32:51.320 or when was your last serious relationship? 1767 01:32:51.320 --> 01:32:53.000 I think it's okay to find out 1768 01:32:53.000 --> 01:32:55.240 when your last serious relationship is, 1769 01:32:55.240 --> 01:32:57.480 cause I'm a fan of, did you get any pause? 1770 01:32:57.480 --> 01:33:00.760 Did you take time to like assess and learn 1771 01:33:00.760 --> 01:33:02.040 and heal a little bit? 1772 01:33:02.040 --> 01:33:04.060 So I always think that's important, 1773 01:33:04.060 --> 01:33:04.900 but I always do, 1774 01:33:04.900 --> 01:33:07.280 I do like to kind of ask people pretty early on. 1775 01:33:07.280 --> 01:33:09.440 So, you know, so tell me a little bit about 1776 01:33:09.440 --> 01:33:11.760 where you're at in your dating season. 1777 01:33:11.760 --> 01:33:14.080 That's kind of intention, where you're at. 1778 01:33:14.080 --> 01:33:15.760 If they're like, you know, I'm just, you know what? 1779 01:33:15.760 --> 01:33:17.980 I'm just getting over being divorced. 1780 01:33:17.980 --> 01:33:19.900 I'm really just here to meet people. 1781 01:33:19.900 --> 01:33:22.980 Then, you know, he's not going to be in any rush 1782 01:33:22.980 --> 01:33:25.100 for like a serious relationship. 1783 01:33:25.100 --> 01:33:27.180 And I'm not saying that's a no, 1784 01:33:27.180 --> 01:33:29.220 I'm saying that's just good for you to know. 1785 01:33:29.220 --> 01:33:30.060 Do you know what I'm saying? 1786 01:33:30.060 --> 01:33:31.880 Like, that's just good information. 1787 01:33:33.460 --> 01:33:34.960 The other thing I saw on here, 1788 01:33:34.960 --> 01:33:39.960 someone, can you date an ex and others in phase two? 1789 01:33:40.020 --> 01:33:41.620 Here's the thing, Jackie always will say, 1790 01:33:41.620 --> 01:33:44.420 do not date an ex until there's a significant change 1791 01:33:44.420 --> 01:33:45.900 in either one of you. 1792 01:33:45.900 --> 01:33:48.300 Going back to an ex when he's not changed 1793 01:33:48.300 --> 01:33:50.460 or you've not changed is just gonna get you guys 1794 01:33:50.460 --> 01:33:52.300 right back in the same stuff. 1795 01:33:52.300 --> 01:33:56.380 So there needs to be clear and obvious healing, 1796 01:33:56.380 --> 01:33:59.220 growth, significant change in their life 1797 01:33:59.220 --> 01:34:01.720 for you guys to consider an ex. 1798 01:34:06.300 --> 01:34:09.180 Okay, oh yes, Tammy, I was up for you, girl. 1799 01:34:09.180 --> 01:34:10.680 All right, Tammy, you're next. 1800 01:34:15.660 --> 01:34:17.740 What happened was as somebody came and moved, 1801 01:34:18.180 --> 01:34:19.340 you moved on my screen. 1802 01:34:24.740 --> 01:34:25.580 Are you looking for your- 1803 01:34:25.580 --> 01:34:29.420 Sorry, yeah, I'm technically impaired, ladies, 1804 01:34:29.420 --> 01:34:30.740 I'll get it, sorry. 1805 01:34:30.740 --> 01:34:32.660 It's all good, sweetie. 1806 01:34:32.660 --> 01:34:37.180 Okay, Renee, you and I talked at length today 1807 01:34:37.180 --> 01:34:39.940 in between my appointments, 1808 01:34:39.940 --> 01:34:44.100 and you asked me to kind of talk tonight 1809 01:34:44.100 --> 01:34:49.100 and possibly get a little feedback from the ladies, 1810 01:34:49.820 --> 01:34:51.460 which I'm willing to do. 1811 01:34:53.340 --> 01:34:57.020 First, I wanna explain a few things. 1812 01:34:57.020 --> 01:35:02.020 So my profession is a massage therapist. 1813 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:11.520 So when you go online and you disclose that, one of the first questions a lot of times 1814 01:35:11.520 --> 01:35:20.280 is, oh, do you give happy endings or, oh, you're every man's dream. 1815 01:35:20.280 --> 01:35:22.360 This is not what I want to hear, ladies. 1816 01:35:22.360 --> 01:35:25.120 I'm all about health and wellness. 1817 01:35:25.120 --> 01:35:27.960 That is not what I practice. 1818 01:35:27.960 --> 01:35:32.680 You know, okay, so the first piece of advice I'm going to tell you to do is exactly what 1819 01:35:32.680 --> 01:35:33.720 you just said. 1820 01:35:33.720 --> 01:35:37.520 You're going to put in your profile or you're going to tell men, however you meet them, 1821 01:35:37.520 --> 01:35:38.960 what do you do for a living? 1822 01:35:38.960 --> 01:35:40.120 I'm in health and wellness. 1823 01:35:40.120 --> 01:35:41.120 Oh, really? 1824 01:35:41.120 --> 01:35:42.240 Tell me a little bit more about that. 1825 01:35:42.240 --> 01:35:44.800 I'd really not like to talk about my career. 1826 01:35:44.800 --> 01:35:49.360 I'm just full in health and wellness, and I'd love to tell you more about that at some 1827 01:35:49.360 --> 01:35:53.600 point in the future, but let's just leave it at that for now. 1828 01:35:53.600 --> 01:35:54.600 So where'd you go? 1829 01:35:54.600 --> 01:35:55.600 I lost you. 1830 01:35:55.600 --> 01:35:56.600 Okay. 1831 01:35:56.600 --> 01:35:57.600 I don't know. 1832 01:35:58.240 --> 01:35:59.240 I'm here. 1833 01:35:59.240 --> 01:36:00.240 You did move. 1834 01:36:00.240 --> 01:36:01.240 I mean, you're moved. 1835 01:36:01.240 --> 01:36:02.240 I don't know how I moved. 1836 01:36:02.240 --> 01:36:03.240 I swear to God. 1837 01:36:03.240 --> 01:36:04.240 I don't know either. 1838 01:36:04.240 --> 01:36:05.240 You keep moving on me. 1839 01:36:05.240 --> 01:36:06.240 It's all good. 1840 01:36:06.240 --> 01:36:07.680 So that's the first thing I would do. 1841 01:36:07.680 --> 01:36:11.040 I totally get it, girl, because look it. 1842 01:36:11.040 --> 01:36:14.200 I don't even want to go on a date with you, Tammy, and that's the first thing I thought 1843 01:36:14.200 --> 01:36:16.840 of is like, all right, when's Tammy giving me a massage? 1844 01:36:16.840 --> 01:36:19.080 I mean, it's like- 1845 01:36:19.080 --> 01:36:20.080 It's like, I'm not. 1846 01:36:20.080 --> 01:36:23.920 And just say, you know, oh, I just, I'm in health and wellness. 1847 01:36:23.920 --> 01:36:25.880 You know, I work at a health and wellness center. 1848 01:36:25.880 --> 01:36:27.560 Tell me a little bit more about what you do. 1849 01:36:27.560 --> 01:36:28.560 You know what? 1850 01:36:28.560 --> 01:36:29.560 I do it all day. 1851 01:36:29.560 --> 01:36:32.000 So I'll tell you about it another time and kind of get past that. 1852 01:36:32.000 --> 01:36:33.000 All right. 1853 01:36:33.000 --> 01:36:34.000 So what's next? 1854 01:36:34.000 --> 01:36:35.000 What's the next thing? 1855 01:36:35.000 --> 01:36:41.560 So like, okay, I'm traumatized going back to these online dating sites because I've 1856 01:36:41.560 --> 01:36:42.560 done them all. 1857 01:36:42.560 --> 01:36:44.880 They did not work out well. 1858 01:36:44.880 --> 01:36:50.200 And I hang out with a bunch of guy friends and they are wonderful. 1859 01:36:50.200 --> 01:36:53.720 They are all like, we get along so well. 1860 01:36:53.720 --> 01:37:00.840 We actually just lost one of our friends in our posse and we had his funeral two weeks 1861 01:37:00.840 --> 01:37:01.840 ago. 1862 01:37:01.840 --> 01:37:06.920 So it's been like awfully quiet because it's not the same. 1863 01:37:06.920 --> 01:37:10.040 But that being said, they were all good men. 1864 01:37:10.040 --> 01:37:11.600 Most of us- 1865 01:37:11.600 --> 01:37:14.960 So why are none of those men your men? 1866 01:37:14.960 --> 01:37:20.640 They are significantly older and two of them went through very bad divorces and they don't 1867 01:37:20.640 --> 01:37:22.840 ever want to get married again. 1868 01:37:22.960 --> 01:37:29.720 And my opinion is I'm not going to be punished for what your ex did to you because I am not 1869 01:37:29.720 --> 01:37:30.720 her. 1870 01:37:30.720 --> 01:37:31.720 Yep. 1871 01:37:31.720 --> 01:37:32.720 Okay. 1872 01:37:32.720 --> 01:37:35.320 So here's what I'm going to tell you right away, Tammy, because you're a strong girl 1873 01:37:35.320 --> 01:37:41.400 like me and Tiffany, who we talked to earlier, I'm going to give you the same advice. 1874 01:37:41.400 --> 01:37:47.480 And I could tell this just by your emails to me and talking like me, you're going to 1875 01:37:47.480 --> 01:37:51.680 come, you're going to have to start coming in lower, slower, softer, because you bring 1876 01:37:51.720 --> 01:37:54.320 a lot of strong masculine energy in. 1877 01:37:54.320 --> 01:37:58.800 And if you've not, I mean, I know you've watched the video, but we really want to make sure 1878 01:37:58.800 --> 01:38:04.320 we tone down the strong energy and you guys, it's not just strong energy, it's masculine 1879 01:38:04.320 --> 01:38:05.640 energy. 1880 01:38:05.640 --> 01:38:08.040 It's like, I got this, I'm in control. 1881 01:38:08.040 --> 01:38:11.800 I'm not going to like, even when you made the comment, I'm not going to deal with someone 1882 01:38:11.800 --> 01:38:12.800 else's bullshit. 1883 01:38:12.800 --> 01:38:14.840 Like I'm not going to pay the price for that. 1884 01:38:14.840 --> 01:38:21.240 Like there's a little bit of hardness there when you deliver that statement and that energy 1885 01:38:21.240 --> 01:38:23.740 is going to kind of put up a wall. 1886 01:38:23.740 --> 01:38:26.400 And so I get it because I feel the same way. 1887 01:38:26.400 --> 01:38:30.600 None of us want to have to date a guy and deal with their crap from their ex. 1888 01:38:30.600 --> 01:38:38.040 But how we think that and how we deliver that, that is somehow innately the energy we want, 1889 01:38:38.040 --> 01:38:39.040 we give up. 1890 01:38:39.040 --> 01:38:43.800 And we don't want to give off that, I'm not going to put up with the bullshit energy because 1891 01:38:43.800 --> 01:38:46.000 that's just too strong. 1892 01:38:46.000 --> 01:38:49.520 And I know you don't want to do online right now. 1893 01:38:49.560 --> 01:38:56.680 I will say this, and I said this to you in the emails, I wish, I will say this, don't 1894 01:38:56.680 --> 01:38:59.280 get online if you guys don't have the grace for it. 1895 01:38:59.280 --> 01:39:03.600 If you're going to get online and you're going to be like, it's all crap, the men are just 1896 01:39:03.600 --> 01:39:07.840 scummy, it's going to be all the same BS, blah, blah, blah, then don't get online because 1897 01:39:07.840 --> 01:39:12.080 you're going to bring all that negative energy online and you will attract the same crap 1898 01:39:12.080 --> 01:39:13.080 again. 1899 01:39:13.080 --> 01:39:16.760 Like you have, you can only go online if you're like, you know what? 1900 01:39:16.760 --> 01:39:17.760 Like I love it. 1901 01:39:18.000 --> 01:39:22.960 Jen, I think Jen just posted on our page today, she was like, oh my gosh, that was the best 1902 01:39:22.960 --> 01:39:23.960 video. 1903 01:39:23.960 --> 01:39:25.240 It was so light and airy. 1904 01:39:25.240 --> 01:39:32.160 You guys, I'm so glad I did online dating in the last few years because I changed completely 1905 01:39:32.160 --> 01:39:34.280 the way I show up on a date. 1906 01:39:34.280 --> 01:39:38.480 I changed completely how I go from texting to video. 1907 01:39:38.480 --> 01:39:44.400 So I know when I meet my person, like I thought I had my person like six months ago, but I 1908 01:39:44.400 --> 01:39:50.600 know when I meet my real person, like I will put all that practice to good use. 1909 01:39:50.600 --> 01:39:56.840 And so if you are willing to consider online dating as a way to date, not your type, practice 1910 01:39:56.840 --> 01:39:59.920 your dating skills, practice discovery dating. 1911 01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:04.120 It's really a great way to do it, but if you're going to go in with an icky attitude, then 1912 01:40:04.120 --> 01:40:05.120 don't do it at all. 1913 01:40:05.120 --> 01:40:10.200 So Tammy, my only concern about you hanging out with these guys that are older than you 1914 01:40:10.200 --> 01:40:16.320 is it's not making you available for men who are your age, who are right for you. 1915 01:40:16.320 --> 01:40:21.960 And so I want to make sure, just like Becca said, she didn't have a lot of girlfriends. 1916 01:40:21.960 --> 01:40:27.720 I'm just going to start to encourage you to start adding at least one or two new activities 1917 01:40:27.720 --> 01:40:35.000 to your week that don't include them, that get you in front of new and different people. 1918 01:40:35.000 --> 01:40:42.360 Well, I can sum this up in probably two minutes because there's a little bit more to the story. 1919 01:40:42.360 --> 01:40:45.320 So you've got less than two minutes, so go. 1920 01:40:45.320 --> 01:40:46.320 Okay. 1921 01:40:46.320 --> 01:40:49.840 So are you giving me a reason why you can't do what I just said? 1922 01:40:49.840 --> 01:40:51.640 Is that what you're, is that what the story is? 1923 01:40:51.640 --> 01:40:53.800 No, no, no, no, not at all. 1924 01:40:53.800 --> 01:41:01.760 So I did, I do singles meetups in my area. 1925 01:41:01.760 --> 01:41:09.960 So there was a man that I met in January at a meetup and we went to a meetup while I was 1926 01:41:09.960 --> 01:41:14.440 in phase one and I know that we're not supposed to date in phase one. 1927 01:41:14.440 --> 01:41:20.520 And it just kind of ended up that we left where we were with a group of singles meetups, 1928 01:41:20.520 --> 01:41:27.640 which my guy friends are in those meetups and they actually got me into the meetups 1929 01:41:27.640 --> 01:41:31.480 because they were trying to help me find somebody. 1930 01:41:31.480 --> 01:41:36.560 And like I said, they are my security when I didn't want to date. 1931 01:41:36.560 --> 01:41:41.680 And I've been through two breakups since my friendships with them. 1932 01:41:41.680 --> 01:41:44.480 So they're my security when I don't date. 1933 01:41:44.480 --> 01:41:54.560 But moving on, I also spent buku bucks on a dating service and I ended up losing several 1934 01:41:54.560 --> 01:42:02.680 thousands of dollars and I just went to court twice for a criminal trial and now I'm filing 1935 01:42:02.680 --> 01:42:04.280 a civil complaint. 1936 01:42:04.280 --> 01:42:10.320 So yeah, I have my hangups on dating, but on the flip side, I met this nice guy at this 1937 01:42:10.320 --> 01:42:16.960 singles meetup and we were out for the second time together during week five when I was 1938 01:42:16.960 --> 01:42:21.360 doing phase one and I'm seeing him again on Friday night. 1939 01:42:21.360 --> 01:42:23.840 So all is not lost. 1940 01:42:23.840 --> 01:42:29.960 I won't do the online thing cause I can pretty much tell if you're a jerk face to face and 1941 01:42:29.960 --> 01:42:30.960 it doesn't cost me. 1942 01:42:30.960 --> 01:42:31.960 I'm going to stop you. 1943 01:42:31.960 --> 01:42:37.960 I'm going to stop you because I hear what you're saying. 1944 01:42:37.960 --> 01:42:41.240 So you can take my advice or you can toss it out the window. 1945 01:42:41.240 --> 01:42:47.340 Even you telling me this wrap up, I hope, please tell me you are not sharing this information 1946 01:42:47.340 --> 01:42:48.680 with this guy on the date. 1947 01:42:48.680 --> 01:42:52.800 I do not want you to tell him about your bad dating experiences. 1948 01:42:52.800 --> 01:42:55.200 I do not want you to tell him about online dating. 1949 01:42:55.200 --> 01:42:59.380 I don't want you to tell him about you taking the dating facility to court. 1950 01:42:59.380 --> 01:43:06.240 So just make sure you leave all of that negative stuff off the conversation on your next date. 1951 01:43:06.240 --> 01:43:09.840 Is it stuff that you've already shared with him? 1952 01:43:09.840 --> 01:43:17.440 We actually have a very good time when we're together and have you heard that kind of information 1953 01:43:17.440 --> 01:43:18.440 with him? 1954 01:43:18.440 --> 01:43:23.000 But not really because he does everything right. 1955 01:43:23.000 --> 01:43:24.200 So I don't want to ruin it. 1956 01:43:24.200 --> 01:43:25.200 All right. 1957 01:43:25.200 --> 01:43:26.200 Well then here's what I found. 1958 01:43:26.200 --> 01:43:30.360 So here's what I find fascinating Tammy though, but I find fascinating is that you've had 1959 01:43:30.360 --> 01:43:36.480 a really good connection with a guy and you have a second date with him, but that is not 1960 01:43:36.480 --> 01:43:42.700 at all the energy that you're bringing into any of those emails with me or the way you 1961 01:43:42.700 --> 01:43:44.120 started tonight. 1962 01:43:44.120 --> 01:43:48.220 So I'm just, I'm just, you guys, and we all do this. 1963 01:43:48.220 --> 01:43:53.040 So you started a lot with what's wrong, what's crappy, what you're not going to do. 1964 01:43:53.040 --> 01:43:58.320 And then you ended it with a, Hey, I might have this really nice guy that all is not 1965 01:43:58.320 --> 01:43:59.320 lost. 1966 01:43:59.320 --> 01:44:00.320 Yeah. 1967 01:44:00.320 --> 01:44:02.480 Like, no girl, I want you to flip the script. 1968 01:44:02.480 --> 01:44:06.440 I want you to start sharing from the positive place first. 1969 01:44:06.440 --> 01:44:09.940 Hey Renee, I'm going to start with what's going well. 1970 01:44:09.940 --> 01:44:11.160 And I'm so excited. 1971 01:44:11.160 --> 01:44:13.680 I'm about to have a second date with this guy. 1972 01:44:13.680 --> 01:44:15.380 He seems really nice. 1973 01:44:15.380 --> 01:44:21.400 Can you help me make sure I keep moving along healthy with him and I don't bring any of 1974 01:44:21.400 --> 01:44:25.400 my bad garbage from the past into these conversations. 1975 01:44:25.400 --> 01:44:26.880 That's what I really want help with. 1976 01:44:26.880 --> 01:44:28.600 Do you know what I'm saying? 1977 01:44:28.600 --> 01:44:32.800 That's how I want you to flip the script because that's how I want to help you focus. 1978 01:44:32.800 --> 01:44:35.880 Remember we talked about lift the boats up. 1979 01:44:35.880 --> 01:44:37.520 That's how I could best use your time. 1980 01:44:37.520 --> 01:44:44.040 My time with you is help you have a good positive date Friday to make sure you get some good 1981 01:44:44.040 --> 01:44:48.000 ideas, good things to talk about, what not to talk about. 1982 01:44:48.000 --> 01:44:51.960 I don't really want to waste your time or anybody's time talking about what we don't 1983 01:44:51.960 --> 01:44:54.520 like about online dating and the crap that's out there. 1984 01:44:54.520 --> 01:44:55.520 Like we already know all that. 1985 01:44:55.520 --> 01:44:56.560 Like, do you know what I'm saying? 1986 01:44:56.560 --> 01:44:59.560 So I'm going to encourage you to next week. 1987 01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:06.560 So my encouragement to you on this date is to just be positive and uplifting and talk 1988 01:45:06.560 --> 01:45:08.640 about your dreams and your hopes. 1989 01:45:08.640 --> 01:45:11.820 Talk about the things that you've accomplished that you're proud of. 1990 01:45:11.820 --> 01:45:16.240 Talk about the things that you enjoy watching on TV, in the movies, the things that you 1991 01:45:16.240 --> 01:45:17.840 like that you read. 1992 01:45:17.840 --> 01:45:23.520 Like start to pay attention to Tammy, what comes out of your mouth in your everyday speech 1993 01:45:23.520 --> 01:45:26.040 with the people that you're in relationship with. 1994 01:45:26.040 --> 01:45:29.960 Are you bringing up like the positive, the good? 1995 01:45:29.960 --> 01:45:32.120 Like where's your focus and your energy? 1996 01:45:32.120 --> 01:45:36.080 Because that's the energy you're going to bring in all of your relationships. 1997 01:45:36.080 --> 01:45:37.840 So that's my encouragement to you. 1998 01:45:37.840 --> 01:45:39.000 I'm super excited. 1999 01:45:39.000 --> 01:45:44.120 So next week at check-in, I want to hear how the date went. 2000 01:45:44.120 --> 01:45:46.760 And I'm super excited for you. 2001 01:45:46.760 --> 01:45:51.160 This is date number three. 2002 01:45:51.160 --> 01:45:53.160 It's going to be date number three. 2003 01:45:53.160 --> 01:46:02.600 And ladies, if you all have the singles meetups in your states, I strongly encourage them 2004 01:46:02.600 --> 01:46:09.440 because they're face-to-face entertainment, you know, getting to mingle with other singles 2005 01:46:09.440 --> 01:46:11.080 and they're great. 2006 01:46:11.080 --> 01:46:13.680 I just think that's a much better way. 2007 01:46:13.680 --> 01:46:18.760 Well, Tammy, we have a lot of people who get married by somebody they met online. 2008 01:46:18.760 --> 01:46:21.060 You know, that's how Bethany and Brian met. 2009 01:46:21.060 --> 01:46:26.100 And so there are a hundred ways that people are going to meet their person. 2010 01:46:26.100 --> 01:46:31.380 And so we want to encourage all of the ways to get those practice dates going. 2011 01:46:31.380 --> 01:46:32.380 Janice, you're up. 2012 01:46:32.380 --> 01:46:33.380 Sorry. 2013 01:46:33.380 --> 01:46:34.380 You bet. 2014 01:46:34.380 --> 01:46:35.380 You bet, sweetie. 2015 01:46:35.380 --> 01:46:36.380 Hi. 2016 01:46:36.380 --> 01:46:40.460 Thank you so much. 2017 01:46:40.460 --> 01:46:44.380 And I want to have the right mindset in this dating. 2018 01:46:44.380 --> 01:46:49.340 So I had an experience recently. 2019 01:46:49.340 --> 01:46:53.620 And please tell me what I did wrong so I can correct. 2020 01:46:53.620 --> 01:47:03.900 So I'm going to say late February, I met this guy at a gathering because where I live, we 2021 01:47:03.900 --> 01:47:12.180 do gatherings of single people anywhere from late 30s to I'm going to say late 40s. 2022 01:47:12.180 --> 01:47:15.100 So I met this guy and he seems really nice. 2023 01:47:15.100 --> 01:47:21.500 Like I feel as if I, you know, he seems really like down to earth. 2024 01:47:21.500 --> 01:47:25.180 And so I seen him at my church too. 2025 01:47:25.180 --> 01:47:30.260 So he was visiting and then I'd see him at different gatherings. 2026 01:47:30.260 --> 01:47:37.500 And then like around March, we planned on doing like an event together and we really 2027 01:47:37.500 --> 01:47:38.700 connected with that. 2028 01:47:38.700 --> 01:47:42.820 And we were able to see each other's gift things. 2029 01:47:42.820 --> 01:47:49.860 And the thing that I really liked about him was that he honored me in front of everybody. 2030 01:47:49.860 --> 01:47:56.380 And also he honored everyone equally, which rarely happened to me. 2031 01:47:56.380 --> 01:48:01.140 And then after that, I see him at different gatherings again, we would say hi, he would 2032 01:48:01.140 --> 01:48:06.620 give me a side hug, you know, but we don't really like talk deep. 2033 01:48:06.620 --> 01:48:08.500 So it's just a hi, hello. 2034 01:48:08.500 --> 01:48:12.860 And then at another gathering, we were part of this setup team. 2035 01:48:12.860 --> 01:48:19.740 And when he came, he told everybody how amazing I was to everyone, like several times, about 2036 01:48:19.740 --> 01:48:22.740 three times or five, I think. 2037 01:48:22.740 --> 01:48:28.220 And then I just said, thank you, you know, and then he did the MC. 2038 01:48:28.220 --> 01:48:34.340 Can you back up real quick, because I may have missed this. 2039 01:48:34.340 --> 01:48:37.580 How long have you been talking to this person? 2040 01:48:37.580 --> 01:48:44.180 So I was talking to him from, I'm going to say late February up to late April. 2041 01:48:44.180 --> 01:48:48.420 So okay, so I was on his radar. 2042 01:48:48.420 --> 01:48:51.020 So this is not somebody you're currently talking to anymore? 2043 01:48:51.020 --> 01:48:56.980 No, no, no, no, because I want to, I want to learn from what 2044 01:48:56.980 --> 01:48:57.980 Gotcha. 2045 01:48:57.980 --> 01:48:58.980 Gotcha. 2046 01:48:58.980 --> 01:48:59.980 Okay. 2047 01:48:59.980 --> 01:49:02.740 So you talked to him about three months, how many? 2048 01:49:02.740 --> 01:49:04.620 How often were you seeing each other? 2049 01:49:04.620 --> 01:49:05.620 Yeah. 2050 01:49:05.620 --> 01:49:08.620 How often were you seeing each other in person? 2051 01:49:08.620 --> 01:49:15.500 Okay, so I'm gonna say every, every two weeks on the first two months, and then the last 2052 01:49:15.500 --> 01:49:18.660 month, probably every week. 2053 01:49:18.660 --> 01:49:23.620 But we just texted each other based on like the event we were doing, basically, that's 2054 01:49:23.620 --> 01:49:24.620 it. 2055 01:49:24.620 --> 01:49:25.620 No, nothing personal. 2056 01:49:25.620 --> 01:49:29.180 And so actually, on the last sorry, were you guys actually dating? 2057 01:49:29.180 --> 01:49:35.820 Or were you just friends that getting to know level one, level one, okay, so it was 2058 01:49:35.820 --> 01:49:40.740 level one ish level two, was were there any ever dates? 2059 01:49:40.740 --> 01:49:41.740 Right? 2060 01:49:41.740 --> 01:49:44.380 No, no, no. 2061 01:49:44.380 --> 01:49:47.420 So okay, so you know, I'm gonna tell you what happened, you tell me. 2062 01:49:47.420 --> 01:49:52.140 Okay, so basically, it was a level one, you were hoping would could become more. 2063 01:49:52.140 --> 01:49:53.980 He said all this great things to you. 2064 01:49:53.980 --> 01:49:57.700 Did you ever drop the hanky with him? 2065 01:49:57.700 --> 01:49:59.700 So what I did after he was 2066 01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:07.520 um praising me to everyone was I went over to him and I said hey how can I support you and and and 2067 01:50:07.520 --> 01:50:13.120 before you come before you do the emceeing and can I pray for you as well and so I think he 2068 01:50:13.120 --> 01:50:18.720 really appreciated that that yeah but that's not dropping the following day that's not dropping 2069 01:50:18.720 --> 01:50:26.000 the hanky did you ever drop the hanky that was just being nice I mean if you guys are okay if 2070 01:50:26.000 --> 01:50:33.360 you guys if you guys are doing ministry together then you guys are like buds pals doing ministry 2071 01:50:33.360 --> 01:50:38.480 together did you ever reach out to him to say hey I've really enjoyed getting to know you or 2072 01:50:38.480 --> 01:50:44.000 you getting to know me would you be interested in going out for coffee sometime just the two of us 2073 01:50:45.280 --> 01:50:51.520 did you ever do that no I didn't because okay so I kind of did but what happened was what happened 2074 01:50:51.520 --> 01:50:57.600 was after he was praising me at that last event he showed up at my church and it really freaked 2075 01:50:57.600 --> 01:51:02.240 me out because I'd not seen him in my church for a while so it really freaked me out that 2076 01:51:02.240 --> 01:51:08.080 um I think I heard um this is all you're doing and I was like I thought it meant like I did 2077 01:51:08.640 --> 01:51:16.080 everything but which I didn't you know and and he showed up right in front of my face 2078 01:51:16.160 --> 01:51:20.960 but you're still not sure like this like this like something 2079 01:51:24.240 --> 01:51:28.880 didn't want to do what God didn't want me to do okay so let me ask you let me ask you this real 2080 01:51:28.880 --> 01:51:36.080 quick so that was April it's now June have you seen or talked to him since April no so what 2081 01:51:36.080 --> 01:51:41.920 happened because I was so scared my countenance changed right in front of him and we couldn't 2082 01:51:41.920 --> 01:51:45.760 we couldn't talk to each other even though he said hey thank you so much for praying for me 2083 01:51:46.320 --> 01:51:51.120 and he saw my countenance change and then his countenance changed and then I stepped out 2084 01:51:51.120 --> 01:51:57.040 and then some other guy wanted to talk to me and I said oh see you guys later and and so I I went 2085 01:51:58.080 --> 01:52:08.240 and he was even he even went to our newcomers luncheon and after that I didn't talk to him 2086 01:52:08.240 --> 01:52:16.160 for like a week I texted him and I said I'm sorry that I wasn't fully present while we were chatting 2087 01:52:16.160 --> 01:52:23.680 and he said oh no worries but what happened was after the no worries he seemed to have retreated 2088 01:52:23.680 --> 01:52:30.320 way back like completely he's not doing Facebook and then he completely decided he wasn't gonna 2089 01:52:30.400 --> 01:52:38.640 come to our church prayers anymore and then so then after another week I texted him and I said 2090 01:52:38.640 --> 01:52:46.240 hey would you like to go to coffee today I just want to share something and he did not respond 2091 01:52:46.240 --> 01:52:55.440 like no response until now and he stopped coming to our gatherings too okay so Janine I'm so glad 2092 01:52:55.440 --> 01:53:01.920 you shared that because so here's my summary to you and this is good for everybody you can't halfway 2093 01:53:01.920 --> 01:53:07.040 drop a hanky with somebody you kind of have to really drop the hanky so unfortunately you did 2094 01:53:07.040 --> 01:53:14.880 but even when you said to him would you like to have coffee I have something to tell you right 2095 01:53:14.880 --> 01:53:19.840 that's what you said that's like kind of a I have something to share I have something to share that's 2096 01:53:19.840 --> 01:53:27.280 really scary you guys like he doesn't know are you gonna tell me I screwed up I'm a jerk I have 2097 01:53:27.280 --> 01:53:33.600 something good to share no do not like men are simple we got to dumb it down for him it's like 2098 01:53:33.600 --> 01:53:39.360 it's got to be it's got to be so simple a fifth grader can understand it and so you're gonna say 2099 01:53:39.360 --> 01:53:44.000 the next time you want to go out with somebody you're gonna say like hey Joel I know we always 2100 01:53:44.000 --> 01:53:50.080 see each other in these large group settings would you be open to having coffee and us getting 2101 01:53:50.080 --> 01:53:55.760 to know each other one-on-one a little bit if not please do not worry about it no big deal I 2102 01:53:55.760 --> 01:54:00.880 would just love to get to know you kind of away from everybody else is that something you'd be 2103 01:54:00.880 --> 01:54:13.440 open to boom it is clear it is specific and if he says no no harm no foul um okay so that's my 2104 01:54:13.440 --> 01:54:19.440 advice to the next time and and I'm gonna pray that you don't freak out the next time that 2105 01:54:19.440 --> 01:54:27.440 somebody shows up that you can just calm your jets take a few deep breaths and just sit in the moment 2106 01:54:27.440 --> 01:54:33.280 all right okay so oh I'm sorry are you not done sorry one last thing what happens if I see him 2107 01:54:33.280 --> 01:54:39.200 around um do you want to do you want to give him do you want him to give you another chance 2108 01:54:39.760 --> 01:54:46.240 absolutely okay so then you're gonna never saw any red black right so then you just need to be 2109 01:54:46.240 --> 01:54:52.240 super brave and super black like they say hey I know it kind of got weird the last few times that 2110 01:54:52.240 --> 01:54:57.520 we talked I just want you to know I'm just going to put this out there if you ever want to have 2111 01:54:57.520 --> 01:55:00.320 coffee one day and get to know each other 2112 01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.680 know me one-on-one, I'd love to do that. 2113 01:55:02.680 --> 01:55:04.600 If not, it is okay. 2114 01:55:06.560 --> 01:55:07.400 That's it. 2115 01:55:07.400 --> 01:55:08.320 That's what you gotta say. 2116 01:55:08.320 --> 01:55:09.800 Okay, great. 2117 01:55:09.800 --> 01:55:11.440 Okay, thank you. 2118 01:55:11.440 --> 01:55:13.000 All right, Christine, you're up. 2119 01:55:13.000 --> 01:55:14.320 Hi, everybody. 2120 01:55:14.320 --> 01:55:18.220 Hello, now remind me how long have you been in phase two 2121 01:55:18.220 --> 01:55:19.060 with us here? 2122 01:55:19.060 --> 01:55:20.680 I feel like forever. 2123 01:55:20.680 --> 01:55:25.120 It's been at least 10 weeks now. 2124 01:55:25.120 --> 01:55:27.040 Oh my God, you need to, I love you, 2125 01:55:27.040 --> 01:55:29.280 but you do need to go on to phase three. 2126 01:55:30.000 --> 01:55:35.000 By the way, Tammy was not private emailing me, you guys. 2127 01:55:35.040 --> 01:55:38.840 She was emailing into the main admin at JackieDorman.com. 2128 01:55:38.840 --> 01:55:42.140 I just happened to be the one that responded. 2129 01:55:42.140 --> 01:55:45.180 It's either gonna be me, Cheryl, or Reagan 2130 01:55:45.180 --> 01:55:46.600 that responds to the emails. 2131 01:55:46.600 --> 01:55:49.960 And that admin email's not supposed to be advice 2132 01:55:49.960 --> 01:55:51.240 giving back and forth. 2133 01:55:51.240 --> 01:55:53.840 It's just, Tammy kept asking me questions 2134 01:55:53.840 --> 01:55:54.680 and I kept answering them. 2135 01:55:54.680 --> 01:55:55.880 All right, go ahead, girl. 2136 01:55:55.880 --> 01:55:59.680 So I love you, but we're gonna graduate you after this. 2137 01:56:00.320 --> 01:56:01.160 Sounds good. 2138 01:56:01.160 --> 01:56:03.560 So, good news. 2139 01:56:03.560 --> 01:56:05.360 After eight weeks of dating a guy, 2140 01:56:05.360 --> 01:56:08.160 I decided to make it official. 2141 01:56:08.160 --> 01:56:09.520 I think that the last time I was here, 2142 01:56:09.520 --> 01:56:12.840 I mentioned to you that he asked me to be official, 2143 01:56:12.840 --> 01:56:15.320 but I was so afraid of his financial situation. 2144 01:56:15.320 --> 01:56:16.840 Yes, and I wanna know, 2145 01:56:16.840 --> 01:56:19.800 because was he living at home? 2146 01:56:19.800 --> 01:56:21.440 He wasn't living at home. 2147 01:56:21.440 --> 01:56:22.920 He lives with a roommate. 2148 01:56:22.920 --> 01:56:24.360 That's right, okay. 2149 01:56:24.360 --> 01:56:25.360 Yeah. 2150 01:56:25.360 --> 01:56:28.440 So tell us how you, this is great, 2151 01:56:28.440 --> 01:56:31.400 because you had a lot of green flags about this guy. 2152 01:56:32.320 --> 01:56:34.720 You were worried about his financial position, 2153 01:56:34.720 --> 01:56:36.800 especially because you're doing well. 2154 01:56:36.800 --> 01:56:37.640 Yeah. 2155 01:56:37.640 --> 01:56:41.120 It can happen a lot when we're doing well. 2156 01:56:41.120 --> 01:56:44.040 Jackie was actually in a much stronger financial position 2157 01:56:44.040 --> 01:56:46.120 than David was when she met him. 2158 01:56:46.120 --> 01:56:47.800 And so this is a real thing. 2159 01:56:47.800 --> 01:56:52.440 So how did you, tell us how you got over worrying about that? 2160 01:56:52.440 --> 01:56:54.400 Because I know that was a concern for you. 2161 01:56:54.400 --> 01:56:56.340 I think Jackie's comment, 2162 01:56:56.340 --> 01:56:58.280 I think two weeks ago she spoke about the same thing, 2163 01:56:59.120 --> 01:57:01.240 like getting out of your own way. 2164 01:57:01.240 --> 01:57:03.880 What are some hard stuff that are for you, 2165 01:57:03.880 --> 01:57:05.080 that are your hard stops, 2166 01:57:05.080 --> 01:57:06.880 or what are God stops for you? 2167 01:57:06.880 --> 01:57:08.840 I think in some shape or form, 2168 01:57:08.840 --> 01:57:09.960 she was saying something like that. 2169 01:57:09.960 --> 01:57:11.880 And I realized that that was my thing. 2170 01:57:11.880 --> 01:57:15.960 I wanted a guy who was financially secure and stable. 2171 01:57:16.800 --> 01:57:20.160 I also spoke to a few very close friends about it. 2172 01:57:20.160 --> 01:57:21.600 And they were just like, 2173 01:57:21.600 --> 01:57:23.320 what makes you think that he wouldn't take care of you 2174 01:57:23.320 --> 01:57:24.160 if he needed to? 2175 01:57:24.160 --> 01:57:26.360 What makes you think that he wouldn't get a second job 2176 01:57:26.360 --> 01:57:27.200 if he had to? 2177 01:57:27.200 --> 01:57:29.760 Is he giving you any signs that he's lazy? 2178 01:57:29.760 --> 01:57:31.840 I'm like, no, he's not. 2179 01:57:31.840 --> 01:57:35.280 So I decided, okay, let me get out of my own way 2180 01:57:35.280 --> 01:57:37.680 and say yes to this guy. 2181 01:57:39.500 --> 01:57:40.340 I love it. 2182 01:57:40.340 --> 01:57:41.160 I love it. 2183 01:57:41.160 --> 01:57:42.000 I love it. 2184 01:57:42.000 --> 01:57:43.640 Does he know that you had that much of an issue with it, 2185 01:57:43.640 --> 01:57:46.520 or was it more like internally you were hanging in? 2186 01:57:46.520 --> 01:57:49.840 I made him know that I had an issue with it. 2187 01:57:49.840 --> 01:57:51.720 We did talk about him going back to school. 2188 01:57:51.720 --> 01:57:55.000 However, I didn't really try to pressure him too much, 2189 01:57:55.080 --> 01:57:57.200 or say, I can't be with you because of this, 2190 01:57:57.200 --> 01:57:59.200 or this is a hard note for me. 2191 01:57:59.200 --> 01:58:01.000 We continued to talk. 2192 01:58:01.000 --> 01:58:02.360 I expressed how I felt about it. 2193 01:58:02.360 --> 01:58:04.640 And then a little later we addressed it again. 2194 01:58:04.640 --> 01:58:08.360 And I told him like, hey, this was my only issue, 2195 01:58:08.360 --> 01:58:10.920 but I do want to trust God with you 2196 01:58:10.920 --> 01:58:13.560 and I'm going to go all in. 2197 01:58:13.560 --> 01:58:14.480 I love it. 2198 01:58:14.480 --> 01:58:16.240 I'm so excited for you. 2199 01:58:16.240 --> 01:58:19.080 Now I get to see all the posts in phase three. 2200 01:58:19.080 --> 01:58:21.800 So I will be reading your updates 2201 01:58:21.800 --> 01:58:24.000 and I help teach the path classes too. 2202 01:58:24.000 --> 01:58:24.960 Oh, great. 2203 01:58:25.800 --> 01:58:30.360 In fact, I'm teaching about that so soon, another class. 2204 01:58:30.360 --> 01:58:32.480 So I'm so excited for you guys. 2205 01:58:32.480 --> 01:58:33.960 You guys, what a great example. 2206 01:58:33.960 --> 01:58:36.560 And do you feel peace about it? 2207 01:58:36.560 --> 01:58:40.200 I do feel peace about it, but I know that internal me. 2208 01:58:40.200 --> 01:58:44.080 So I know my old self and I know where I'm supposed to be 2209 01:58:44.080 --> 01:58:46.320 or what I'm supposed to be feeling. 2210 01:58:46.320 --> 01:58:51.120 So I feel like I've got this different kind of peace. 2211 01:58:51.120 --> 01:58:53.080 Although it's still unsettling. 2212 01:58:53.080 --> 01:58:54.600 You know, well, it's unsettling 2213 01:58:55.240 --> 01:58:56.080 because it's new for you. 2214 01:58:56.080 --> 01:58:56.920 It's different. 2215 01:58:56.920 --> 01:58:58.480 You're doing something new and different. 2216 01:58:58.480 --> 01:58:59.840 So it's uncomfortable. 2217 01:58:59.840 --> 01:59:03.040 It's like, you know, I'm in seminary now and I love it. 2218 01:59:03.040 --> 01:59:05.120 And I'm scared to death all at the same time 2219 01:59:05.120 --> 01:59:06.280 because it's completely new. 2220 01:59:06.280 --> 01:59:09.120 It's a completely different way to read the Bible. 2221 01:59:09.120 --> 01:59:11.520 It's not like people think, oh, seminary is just like, 2222 01:59:11.520 --> 01:59:12.920 you know, Bible study on crack. 2223 01:59:12.920 --> 01:59:13.760 It's really not. 2224 01:59:13.760 --> 01:59:14.760 It's nothing at all like it. 2225 01:59:14.760 --> 01:59:15.720 It's so hard. 2226 01:59:16.960 --> 01:59:18.960 And I'm a really good writer 2227 01:59:18.960 --> 01:59:20.920 and the writing style is completely different. 2228 01:59:20.920 --> 01:59:23.120 And so you are dating differently. 2229 01:59:23.120 --> 01:59:25.080 You're in relationship differently. 2230 01:59:25.080 --> 01:59:26.920 And so it's gonna feel clunky and hard. 2231 01:59:26.920 --> 01:59:29.640 That's why you need to be in phase three 2232 01:59:29.640 --> 01:59:32.680 because as you go to this more exclusive relationship 2233 01:59:32.680 --> 01:59:34.200 and the next level relationship, 2234 01:59:34.200 --> 01:59:35.800 you're gonna need some of those teachings 2235 01:59:35.800 --> 01:59:36.840 that are over there. 2236 01:59:36.840 --> 01:59:40.040 You guys, let me say something about the attachment videos. 2237 01:59:40.040 --> 01:59:43.200 I swore they used to be in Love Story Accelerator 2238 01:59:43.200 --> 01:59:45.120 and the portal and in the replays. 2239 01:59:45.120 --> 01:59:47.680 And I did not find them there. 2240 01:59:47.680 --> 01:59:51.280 I will find out where the attachment style videos are. 2241 01:59:51.280 --> 01:59:52.920 There's three teachings. 2242 01:59:53.680 --> 01:59:56.600 And I will post about it in the Facebook group 2243 01:59:56.600 --> 01:59:59.160 and I will bring it up again next week. 2244 01:59:59.160 --> 02:00:00.000 So I will find. 2245 02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:02.120 out where the heck the attachment videos went. 2246 02:00:02.120 --> 02:00:04.160 I know they're in phase three, 2247 02:00:04.160 --> 02:00:06.760 but I know we wanted you guys to have access to them sooner. 2248 02:00:06.760 --> 02:00:09.000 So I will figure out where the heck they went 2249 02:00:09.000 --> 02:00:10.260 and get them back in the portal 2250 02:00:10.260 --> 02:00:12.200 because that will be the easiest thing for you to do 2251 02:00:12.200 --> 02:00:14.480 because it has an assessment for you to take 2252 02:00:14.480 --> 02:00:16.440 and then three videos to watch. 2253 02:00:16.440 --> 02:00:18.360 They may have moved them to phase three. 2254 02:00:18.360 --> 02:00:21.120 I will check with Jackie and Bethany about that 2255 02:00:21.120 --> 02:00:23.340 and I will make sure I will tell you where they are. 2256 02:00:23.340 --> 02:00:25.560 Well, Ghislaine, I'm so excited for you. 2257 02:00:25.560 --> 02:00:26.960 And here's the thing, 2258 02:00:26.960 --> 02:00:29.560 no matter what you do with this relationship 2259 02:00:29.560 --> 02:00:31.800 and no matter where it goes, 2260 02:00:31.800 --> 02:00:34.760 you are gonna learn so much by pressing it. 2261 02:00:34.760 --> 02:00:37.120 And so that's my encouragement to you. 2262 02:00:37.120 --> 02:00:39.360 Like, I definitely feel like, 2263 02:00:40.240 --> 02:00:41.920 and I think you have been with me 2264 02:00:41.920 --> 02:00:44.160 the entire time I was dating Rick, you know? 2265 02:00:44.160 --> 02:00:47.600 And so I'm so glad I pressed in. 2266 02:00:47.600 --> 02:00:49.360 There was definitely some, you know, 2267 02:00:49.360 --> 02:00:51.120 yellow flags I knew right away, 2268 02:00:51.120 --> 02:00:53.640 but I will say this, he had a real chance. 2269 02:00:53.640 --> 02:00:56.040 God gave him a chance in me 2270 02:00:56.040 --> 02:00:58.900 for him to push through his yellow flags. 2271 02:00:59.740 --> 02:01:02.060 God allowed some situations to come up 2272 02:01:02.060 --> 02:01:04.260 where he could have done it differently with me 2273 02:01:04.260 --> 02:01:06.500 because I was the first healthy, 2274 02:01:06.500 --> 02:01:09.260 whole, godly woman in his life. 2275 02:01:09.260 --> 02:01:12.540 And it was a perfect opportunity to God saying, 2276 02:01:12.540 --> 02:01:14.820 I'm gonna let you do it different this time. 2277 02:01:14.820 --> 02:01:16.420 Now, he chose to not do that. 2278 02:01:16.420 --> 02:01:20.020 And so what I love is that God has given you a chance 2279 02:01:20.020 --> 02:01:21.120 to do it differently. 2280 02:01:21.120 --> 02:01:24.220 And so whether this person's gonna be your person or not, 2281 02:01:24.220 --> 02:01:26.800 you're gonna grow and learn so much from this. 2282 02:01:26.800 --> 02:01:28.380 And I promise you, no matter what, 2283 02:01:28.860 --> 02:01:30.700 I don't regret my relationship, 2284 02:01:30.700 --> 02:01:32.220 I don't regret what I did, 2285 02:01:32.220 --> 02:01:34.620 and I don't regret what I learned. 2286 02:01:34.620 --> 02:01:37.680 And I'm thankful that I had enough health, 2287 02:01:39.260 --> 02:01:41.860 you know, that I knew it was healthy for me. 2288 02:01:41.860 --> 02:01:43.100 So I'm just gonna encourage you 2289 02:01:43.100 --> 02:01:45.080 no matter what happens in this relationship, 2290 02:01:45.080 --> 02:01:49.180 God's got you and he will bless and honor this season 2291 02:01:49.180 --> 02:01:50.580 because of your obedience. 2292 02:01:50.580 --> 02:01:52.840 And it's gonna feel uncomfortable and awkward. 2293 02:01:52.840 --> 02:01:55.540 And that's that whole hurt in relationship, 2294 02:01:55.540 --> 02:01:57.220 healed in relationship. 2295 02:01:57.220 --> 02:01:58.060 And I'm so excited for you. 2296 02:01:58.060 --> 02:01:58.880 Thank you. 2297 02:01:58.880 --> 02:01:59.720 Thank you, Renee. 2298 02:02:00.940 --> 02:02:01.780 Okay. 2299 02:02:02.900 --> 02:02:04.020 It's Aneesha, right? 2300 02:02:04.020 --> 02:02:05.620 Is that how you say your name, Aneesha? 2301 02:02:05.620 --> 02:02:07.780 Aneesha, you are last for the night 2302 02:02:07.780 --> 02:02:09.300 and then we are gonna close it. 2303 02:02:09.300 --> 02:02:13.740 I'm gone way over, but I just wanted to help you all tonight. 2304 02:02:13.740 --> 02:02:15.280 So Aneesha, you are up. 2305 02:02:16.240 --> 02:02:18.140 Yeah, it's Aneesha. 2306 02:02:18.140 --> 02:02:20.980 And I think that, I hope you can hear me. 2307 02:02:20.980 --> 02:02:22.460 Please tell me you can hear me. 2308 02:02:22.460 --> 02:02:23.300 Yep. 2309 02:02:23.300 --> 02:02:24.420 Awesome, I still watch MacBook 2310 02:02:24.420 --> 02:02:27.060 and it's like totally fried right now. 2311 02:02:27.900 --> 02:02:28.820 So one preface thing, 2312 02:02:28.820 --> 02:02:30.700 I know I made a lot of wrong mistakes 2313 02:02:30.700 --> 02:02:34.460 with this relationship situation ship right off the back 2314 02:02:35.300 --> 02:02:37.300 and probably feel like I'm gonna throw up by being vulnerable 2315 02:02:37.300 --> 02:02:42.300 but so in phase one, I had a gentleman message me 2316 02:02:43.780 --> 02:02:46.940 and it seemed very like we were very much in alignment 2317 02:02:46.940 --> 02:02:49.540 sort of, but I had already upfront told him, 2318 02:02:49.540 --> 02:02:52.700 hey, like I'm like, can we circle back to him? 2319 02:02:52.700 --> 02:02:55.660 And he also wanted in his first message said, 2320 02:02:55.660 --> 02:02:57.060 hey, I just wanted to message you 2321 02:02:57.060 --> 02:03:00.140 because I saw we're both local in the same area 2322 02:03:00.140 --> 02:03:01.780 but I am in a single season. 2323 02:03:01.780 --> 02:03:03.820 And I was like, okay, cool. 2324 02:03:03.820 --> 02:03:07.660 And I made the mistake that I was like super gung-ho 2325 02:03:07.660 --> 02:03:08.700 for Jackie's program. 2326 02:03:08.700 --> 02:03:10.500 And I'd be like, well, Jackie, 2327 02:03:10.500 --> 02:03:12.020 I'm in this Jackie Dorman program 2328 02:03:12.020 --> 02:03:13.420 and she says healed in marriage. 2329 02:03:13.420 --> 02:03:15.180 Oh, when you're like, I was like, okay, 2330 02:03:15.180 --> 02:03:17.740 that was probably my first time that I did poorly. 2331 02:03:18.700 --> 02:03:20.540 And he came back the next day. 2332 02:03:20.540 --> 02:03:22.060 He was like, I really liked your advice. 2333 02:03:22.060 --> 02:03:24.100 Basically, I really wanna take you out actually. 2334 02:03:24.100 --> 02:03:25.460 And I was like, okay, cool. 2335 02:03:25.460 --> 02:03:28.220 When this April 1st comes around, we could do that. 2336 02:03:28.220 --> 02:03:29.980 Came back three days later was like, I can't, 2337 02:03:29.980 --> 02:03:31.900 I'm just, my heart isn't there. 2338 02:03:31.900 --> 02:03:34.940 So long story short, he played this back and forth, 2339 02:03:34.940 --> 02:03:37.620 back and forth, like, I really wanna meet you. 2340 02:03:37.620 --> 02:03:39.380 I can't, I really want to meet you, can't. 2341 02:03:39.380 --> 02:03:42.420 And that triggered my wounds of rejection 2342 02:03:42.420 --> 02:03:44.300 and then pull me in, pull me out, pull me in. 2343 02:03:44.300 --> 02:03:47.740 And we definitely had like four or five hour 2344 02:03:47.740 --> 02:03:51.860 FaceTime dates too, where we talked and we shared 2345 02:03:51.860 --> 02:03:53.980 and we overshared and I built an intimacy 2346 02:03:54.860 --> 02:03:56.580 and this is exactly why you guys, 2347 02:03:56.580 --> 02:03:58.900 we say one hour on a video date 2348 02:03:58.900 --> 02:04:01.300 because there's no way you can stay on five hours 2349 02:04:01.300 --> 02:04:03.220 and not overshare, it's impossible. 2350 02:04:04.620 --> 02:04:06.860 Yeah, so all the lessons I learned. 2351 02:04:06.860 --> 02:04:10.940 And so recently I have made the conversation with him 2352 02:04:10.940 --> 02:04:12.740 because I said, hey, this is triggering a lot in me 2353 02:04:12.740 --> 02:04:14.660 and it's not, I can't show it my best self 2354 02:04:14.660 --> 02:04:17.500 until you kind of like choose what you wanna do. 2355 02:04:17.500 --> 02:04:20.220 Knowing full well, I can make the decision too. 2356 02:04:20.220 --> 02:04:23.180 But I said, think about it because I don't like the fact 2357 02:04:23.180 --> 02:04:26.180 that you were not dating and you can't date 2358 02:04:26.180 --> 02:04:28.300 but at the same time, I feel anxious 2359 02:04:28.300 --> 02:04:29.780 and feel like I wanna talk to you. 2360 02:04:29.780 --> 02:04:32.060 Like, I feel like you should wanna talk to me 2361 02:04:32.060 --> 02:04:33.540 and things like that. 2362 02:04:33.540 --> 02:04:35.900 And I said, take some time, think about it, 2363 02:04:35.900 --> 02:04:37.340 I'll think about it. 2364 02:04:37.340 --> 02:04:39.980 He had a conversation, he did not like confrontation 2365 02:04:39.980 --> 02:04:41.700 at all, I learned either. 2366 02:04:41.700 --> 02:04:44.300 And basically he came back and was like, 2367 02:04:44.300 --> 02:04:46.660 I don't think we're a good fit, 2368 02:04:46.660 --> 02:04:49.620 I think you're a great girl for somebody else. 2369 02:04:49.620 --> 02:04:51.940 And I think this was bred out of the conversation 2370 02:04:52.060 --> 02:04:55.740 but my biggest thing, I responded very diplomatically 2371 02:04:55.740 --> 02:04:58.300 because honestly, I'm just kind of like over it too. 2372 02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:03.600 be a really good fit on paper, like really good fit on paper. 2373 02:05:03.600 --> 02:05:05.280 I'll share a lot of the same things. 2374 02:05:05.280 --> 02:05:08.200 I was like, man, like, I'm a, I'm a country girl. 2375 02:05:08.200 --> 02:05:10.120 I love to be outside. 2376 02:05:10.120 --> 02:05:11.320 We're both financially free. 2377 02:05:11.320 --> 02:05:13.800 Like all the things, it's very hard that I want in somebody. 2378 02:05:14.520 --> 02:05:17.720 Um, but I don't think that he got to see the best of me. 2379 02:05:18.880 --> 02:05:22.200 So let me say, let me ask you a couple of quick clarifying questions. 2380 02:05:22.200 --> 02:05:25.920 How many live dates did you guys have in-person dates? 2381 02:05:27.040 --> 02:05:28.640 We had no in-person dates. 2382 02:05:28.640 --> 02:05:29.120 Okay. 2383 02:05:29.120 --> 02:05:34.560 So you are the perfect example of what happens to us. 2384 02:05:34.560 --> 02:05:35.520 And I've been there too. 2385 02:05:36.320 --> 02:05:44.720 When we create a lot of digital intimacy, we have phone calls, video dates and FaceTime 2386 02:05:44.720 --> 02:05:48.800 where we just vomit our story and we just feel this connection. 2387 02:05:49.440 --> 02:05:51.600 And then it just doesn't turn into anything. 2388 02:05:51.600 --> 02:05:56.080 So this is why this is not about you, girl. 2389 02:05:56.080 --> 02:05:58.720 He is not, he's not the three Ms. 2390 02:05:58.720 --> 02:06:02.080 He's not masculine, marriage minded, immature. 2391 02:06:02.080 --> 02:06:02.960 He's not. 2392 02:06:02.960 --> 02:06:05.840 So this is not you not being good enough. 2393 02:06:05.840 --> 02:06:08.320 You not showcasing your best stuff. 2394 02:06:08.320 --> 02:06:11.760 This is not even, it really shouldn't even be about you getting triggered. 2395 02:06:11.760 --> 02:06:13.760 Although I get why you were triggered. 2396 02:06:14.320 --> 02:06:18.640 This is really him not being a good option from the get go. 2397 02:06:18.640 --> 02:06:21.600 Cause he told you like he's in a single phase. 2398 02:06:21.600 --> 02:06:25.120 The second he said he's in a single phase, believe him. 2399 02:06:25.840 --> 02:06:32.160 When a guy tells you that they're not ready for a relationship, believe them. 2400 02:06:33.600 --> 02:06:34.160 Believe them. 2401 02:06:35.360 --> 02:06:40.480 And so, but you're given the good example of, we always say, keep those phone calls, 2402 02:06:40.480 --> 02:06:43.520 those video dates, hour, hour and a half tops. 2403 02:06:43.520 --> 02:06:48.720 Get that live date as fast as possible because you want to see if it's the real thing. 2404 02:06:48.720 --> 02:06:57.520 And so I'm glad, honestly, like if he wasn't going to, if he's not going to, oh, and another 2405 02:06:57.520 --> 02:07:02.960 thing, a mature, masculine, marriage minded, healthy person will do is his behavior will 2406 02:07:02.960 --> 02:07:04.320 be consistent. 2407 02:07:04.320 --> 02:07:09.840 So the second you said, push, pull, push, pull, that already tells me he's on in a healthy 2408 02:07:09.840 --> 02:07:10.720 place. 2409 02:07:10.720 --> 02:07:16.720 So I'm actually glad he did not get to see your best side yet because you're amazing 2410 02:07:17.360 --> 02:07:21.600 and you deserve a guy that's going to pursue you consistently. 2411 02:07:21.600 --> 02:07:23.920 He's going to want to meet you in person. 2412 02:07:23.920 --> 02:07:29.920 He's going to want to go at a pace that's healthy and he's going to want to unpack you, 2413 02:07:29.920 --> 02:07:32.160 like unpack the beautifulness that's you. 2414 02:07:32.720 --> 02:07:39.600 And so in a way, I'm glad that God shielded your amazingness from this guy if he wasn't 2415 02:07:39.600 --> 02:07:40.240 your guy. 2416 02:07:40.240 --> 02:07:44.320 And you guys, that's the part about being God defended now, you don't have to be self 2417 02:07:44.320 --> 02:07:45.600 defended anymore. 2418 02:07:45.600 --> 02:07:49.280 So God's going to protect you and cover you where you fumble. 2419 02:07:49.280 --> 02:07:52.400 Because you know, he said, oh my gosh, I probably already made five mistakes already. 2420 02:07:52.400 --> 02:07:53.440 It's okay. 2421 02:07:53.440 --> 02:07:56.240 You can make those mistakes because God's got your girl. 2422 02:07:56.240 --> 02:07:57.360 He's got you. 2423 02:07:57.360 --> 02:08:00.160 He's got you and he's not going to let you mess up. 2424 02:08:00.160 --> 02:08:05.200 And you know, like even with my situation, I might've missed a sign or two, but God's 2425 02:08:05.200 --> 02:08:07.920 like, okay, Renee, you missed the last two, you bozo. 2426 02:08:07.920 --> 02:08:12.320 So I'm going to send you this one that's so obvious you can't help but miss it. 2427 02:08:13.120 --> 02:08:19.040 And so I'm just going to encourage you to not believe the lie that you are less than 2428 02:08:19.040 --> 02:08:19.540 that. 2429 02:08:19.840 --> 02:08:21.520 Like I said, and you know what's really funny? 2430 02:08:21.520 --> 02:08:23.680 You mentioned that you got triggered. 2431 02:08:23.680 --> 02:08:27.680 I'm going to argue because I said this in my last relationship too. 2432 02:08:27.680 --> 02:08:30.160 I was like, oh my gosh, I kept getting triggered. 2433 02:08:30.160 --> 02:08:32.160 Now I'm going, no, no, no. 2434 02:08:32.160 --> 02:08:35.040 That was not unhealthy, Renee, getting triggered. 2435 02:08:35.040 --> 02:08:38.880 That was Holy Spirit living inside me, getting triggered. 2436 02:08:38.880 --> 02:08:41.840 And I knew that it was not good for me. 2437 02:08:42.320 --> 02:08:46.720 So that's what I'm actually going to believe for you, that what you thought was triggering 2438 02:08:46.720 --> 02:08:52.640 to make you feel bad was the Holy Spirit sometimes screaming at you to see the truth. 2439 02:08:55.200 --> 02:08:57.920 Yeah. And if I could add one additional thing, Renee. 2440 02:08:57.920 --> 02:09:02.240 One of the things when I brought it up, because originally we were like, we're going to wait 2441 02:09:02.240 --> 02:09:04.080 until you're out of this single season. 2442 02:09:04.080 --> 02:09:08.800 He said his pastor's encouraged, because he's a pastor, he's in seminary right now too. 2443 02:09:08.800 --> 02:09:12.560 And he had encouraged him like, take six months so you can get space in between you 2444 02:09:12.560 --> 02:09:15.760 and his sexual lust issues that he was dealing with. 2445 02:09:16.320 --> 02:09:18.960 And cool, take six months. 2446 02:09:18.960 --> 02:09:20.160 That's very noble of you. 2447 02:09:20.880 --> 02:09:28.960 And my expression to him and what made him very angry with me is because I said, I want 2448 02:09:28.960 --> 02:09:35.600 to believe if you were able to pursue me fully that you would be showing up differently. 2449 02:09:35.600 --> 02:09:40.880 But the way you show up now isn't helping me be my best self. 2450 02:09:42.240 --> 02:09:46.720 And he got really pissed because he's like, I'm not pursuing you right now. 2451 02:09:46.720 --> 02:09:48.000 So how could you say that? 2452 02:09:48.640 --> 02:09:50.000 I was like, no, that's exactly what I'm saying. 2453 02:09:50.000 --> 02:09:51.200 You're not pursuing me right now. 2454 02:09:51.200 --> 02:09:56.240 So like, I'm so glad. 2455 02:09:56.240 --> 02:09:59.600 Okay, girl, girl, that's a red. 2456 02:09:59.600 --> 02:09:59.920 That's a. 2457 02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:02.960 Yeah, that's a very yellow flag right there 2458 02:10:02.960 --> 02:10:06.160 because the fact that he was spending five hours 2459 02:10:06.160 --> 02:10:10.400 on the phone with you is a form of push pull. 2460 02:10:10.400 --> 02:10:12.880 It is a pull you in. 2461 02:10:12.880 --> 02:10:14.700 You do not spend, you guys hear that? 2462 02:10:14.700 --> 02:10:17.260 Like he just totally gas lit her. 2463 02:10:17.260 --> 02:10:19.520 Like he got, that's a gas lighting move. 2464 02:10:19.520 --> 02:10:20.960 Like, what are you talking about? 2465 02:10:20.960 --> 02:10:22.280 I'm not pursuing you. 2466 02:10:22.280 --> 02:10:23.440 Oh really? 2467 02:10:23.440 --> 02:10:25.440 He knew exactly what he was doing. 2468 02:10:25.440 --> 02:10:29.140 He's reeling you in just a little bit. 2469 02:10:29.140 --> 02:10:30.700 Now he might be like going, 2470 02:10:30.700 --> 02:10:32.860 well, I had no intention of ever pursuing you 2471 02:10:32.860 --> 02:10:33.900 or dating you. 2472 02:10:33.900 --> 02:10:36.100 Okay, then why was he spending five hours 2473 02:10:36.100 --> 02:10:37.460 on the phone with you then? 2474 02:10:39.300 --> 02:10:41.100 Because he liked me, because he liked me. 2475 02:10:41.100 --> 02:10:42.060 Ah. 2476 02:10:42.060 --> 02:10:43.700 Because he liked me. 2477 02:10:43.700 --> 02:10:44.540 Right. 2478 02:10:44.540 --> 02:10:47.660 He likes you, but not enough to pursue you right now. 2479 02:10:47.660 --> 02:10:49.700 And if he was a godly man, 2480 02:10:49.700 --> 02:10:53.120 he would have known he was leading you on. 2481 02:10:53.120 --> 02:10:58.120 If he was a mature, masculine, 2482 02:10:59.560 --> 02:11:01.360 because here's what a mature, 2483 02:11:01.360 --> 02:11:04.360 masculine marriage minded guy would have said. 2484 02:11:04.360 --> 02:11:07.640 If you said to him, you're not pursuing me, 2485 02:11:07.640 --> 02:11:10.800 da da da, here's what a mature guy would have said. 2486 02:11:10.800 --> 02:11:13.840 Oh my gosh, Anisha, I am so sorry. 2487 02:11:13.840 --> 02:11:16.240 I feel like I've been misleading you all this time. 2488 02:11:16.240 --> 02:11:18.160 I've just really enjoyed your friendship. 2489 02:11:18.160 --> 02:11:21.400 I thought I was really clear that with seminary going on, 2490 02:11:21.400 --> 02:11:23.400 I'm not really in a dating season right now. 2491 02:11:23.400 --> 02:11:25.180 I just really enjoyed your company. 2492 02:11:25.180 --> 02:11:27.940 I am so sorry if I made you feel 2493 02:11:27.940 --> 02:11:29.600 like you were in a push-pull. 2494 02:11:29.600 --> 02:11:31.400 Do you realize how he could, you know what I'm saying? 2495 02:11:31.400 --> 02:11:35.120 He could have said the same thing honorably. 2496 02:11:35.120 --> 02:11:36.560 Cause that's what you would do. 2497 02:11:36.560 --> 02:11:40.940 No, he didn't, he had to say it. 2498 02:11:40.940 --> 02:11:41.780 Say it again. 2499 02:11:43.720 --> 02:11:46.600 But he did eventually say that in a long text message 2500 02:11:46.600 --> 02:11:47.440 to break it off. 2501 02:11:47.440 --> 02:11:49.440 And he'd say like, it was just be like, 2502 02:11:49.440 --> 02:11:50.560 it would one minute he'd be like, 2503 02:11:50.560 --> 02:11:51.400 I don't want to pursue you. 2504 02:11:51.400 --> 02:11:52.680 So we should break off contact. 2505 02:11:52.680 --> 02:11:54.960 But then I, we would, or he'd like my pictures 2506 02:11:54.960 --> 02:11:56.440 or I would reach out to him. 2507 02:11:56.440 --> 02:11:58.520 Cause I'm like, well, what are we going to do? 2508 02:11:58.520 --> 02:12:00.160 Cause you're saying we're going to eventually meet 2509 02:12:00.160 --> 02:12:03.000 maybe this summer, maybe in a couple months, this, that. 2510 02:12:03.000 --> 02:12:05.620 And so he did in some ways. 2511 02:12:05.620 --> 02:12:08.560 And I feel like I pushed him to want to talk to me more. 2512 02:12:08.560 --> 02:12:10.800 Cause I did want to talk to him. 2513 02:12:10.800 --> 02:12:12.420 And that's the part you can own 2514 02:12:12.420 --> 02:12:14.720 because we're going to drop the hanky once 2515 02:12:14.720 --> 02:12:16.720 and then we don't drop it again. 2516 02:12:16.720 --> 02:12:19.160 So if we drop a hanky and we let a guy know 2517 02:12:19.160 --> 02:12:21.300 that we're interested in talking to him 2518 02:12:21.300 --> 02:12:24.960 and he doesn't pursue us, 2519 02:12:24.960 --> 02:12:27.240 we're not going to keep pursuing him. 2520 02:12:27.240 --> 02:12:29.240 All right, you guys, it's 9 12, my time. 2521 02:12:29.240 --> 02:12:31.760 And it's like 10 12, if you're on the Eastern time zone. 2522 02:12:31.760 --> 02:12:33.440 So I'm so glad you shared that. 2523 02:12:33.440 --> 02:12:34.940 I'm going to be praying for you. 2524 02:12:34.940 --> 02:12:37.560 Lots of good lessons that you learned in it. 2525 02:12:37.560 --> 02:12:40.220 I'm really, I'm sad that you're disappointed, 2526 02:12:40.220 --> 02:12:41.980 but I promise you, 2527 02:12:41.980 --> 02:12:45.520 your person's going to pursue you consistently 2528 02:12:45.520 --> 02:12:47.840 and he's going to be all in cause you're amazing. 2529 02:12:47.840 --> 02:12:50.600 Father God, thank you so much for these women tonight. 2530 02:12:50.600 --> 02:12:53.440 I ask that you just give them sweet sleep tonight. 2531 02:12:53.440 --> 02:12:57.360 Father God, give them that every morning that they wake up, 2532 02:12:57.360 --> 02:12:59.920 give them fresh excitement for this season. 2533 02:12:59.920 --> 02:13:03.640 Father God, that if they go to bed weary and discouraged, 2534 02:13:03.640 --> 02:13:04.960 that they leave it in sleep 2535 02:13:04.960 --> 02:13:07.140 and that they wake up hopeful and renewed. 2536 02:13:07.140 --> 02:13:08.280 We just lift all of this up 2537 02:13:08.280 --> 02:13:09.920 in the mighty precious name of Jesus. 2538 02:13:09.920 --> 02:13:10.760 Amen. 2539 02:13:10.760 --> 02:13:13.060 You guys, it was so fun being with you tonight. 2540 02:13:14.840 --> 02:13:15.720 See you next time.