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All right, we have a little, a little, a little crew tonight and that's fine.

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We're going to go over a couple different things.

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Some of you phase one, some of you phase two.

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I know that Joshua has been asking about the Jesus Cares Board.

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David, is it possible that Joshua has different materials in his portal than the other guys

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have?

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Is he on Podia?

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Is he in Kajabi?

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Because there's definitely, in the week one materials of heartwork, there is a video that

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I do on the Jesus Cares Board and he can't seem to find that video.

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All right, let me, let me double check on that while you're doing some.

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All right.

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So he's going to check that out for you, Joshua, and we're going to find out.

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All right.

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So before we do anything, let's look to the Lord, Father God, we thank you.

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We thank you that you have brought your sons here to learn, to become a more emotionally,

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physically, mentally, spiritually available to everything that you want to do in their

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lives.

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We ask that you would speak to us and through us as we coach them tonight, that their hearts

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and minds and spirits would be open to receive and that they would get massive breakthrough.

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We ask for the revelation of heaven in Jesus name.

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Amen.

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So guys, I really want to talk to you for just a couple minutes about a concept in the

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heart work.

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But then going forward into phase two, this is going to be very important as well.

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And that's the concept of soul ties.

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Now soul ties are something that a lot of people either didn't believe in, maybe don't

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have a lot of theology for, and then of course, have all different viewpoints on what that

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is.

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And for me, all that it is, is that you are a spirit that lives in a body that possesses

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a soul.

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Okay.

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And oftentimes in the word of God, the word soul is interchangeable with mind, will, emotions

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and heart.

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So when that word pops up in our English language, a lot of times it's interchangeable in the

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original Hebrew or Greek with the same word that is, that pops up as mind or will or emotions

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or heart.

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So for the purpose of this coaching right now, let's lump them all together.

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So your soul part is the epicenter of your mind, will, and emotions.

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Should have learned that in heart work, right?

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I write about that in the materials and it also is your heart part.

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Okay.

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When we figuratively, when we talk about heart, not our literal hearts beating in our chest,

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but our figurative hearts.

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Okay.

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And that is that place that stores all the information.

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We don't store information in our mind.

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You know, we think, oh, memory, we store information in our mind.

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No, we still, we store information in this unseen place inside of us called the soul.

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That is where your information is stored.

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And this explains why you can have total recall for something that happened when you were

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five years old, but you do not remember anything else from that year of your life or maybe

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even the next year or the next year.

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Why do you remember that thing that happened?

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Right?

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It's not about your mind.

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It's not about your memory.

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It's about an imprint that was left in your soul by either something that was on the spectrum

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of emotion, either highly joyful or highly tragic.

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When we're in trauma situations and also when we're in extremely ecstatic, elated situations,

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our soul takes a picture, it's a snapshot.

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And oftentimes what will trigger, you know how people talk about triggers and triggers

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has become a catchphrase.

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People talk about triggers all the time now.

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And what the trigger is, is that at that moment in time, even though you didn't know this

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was happening, your senses actually were part of that memory that was made, that soul imprint

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that was made.

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Your senses got involved in that, how you felt in that moment, what smells you were

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smelling at that moment, what you were seeing in that moment.

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And that is why as we go through our lives, there will be things, and we call them triggers,

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that remind you and bring you back to that place.

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Whether it was a really great place or whether it was a really terrible place.

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You know that we all, you can see that we don't really remember the mediocre days, right?

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There's 365 days in a year and you only remember August 7th, 1990, for some reason, right?

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You don't remember the rest of that year of your life, but you remember that.

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And so we get, because our soul is so involved in these things, sometimes our soul gets stuck

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there or it gets tied there, it gets tethered there.

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You guys following me?

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So soul ties, a lot of people...

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will teach soul ties and they'll teach it

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from a place of sexuality.

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And obviously, sexuality, whether it was abuse

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or whether it was misuse of your sexuality,

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a lot of us misuse our sexuality with porn

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and with other things, fornication,

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different things that are unworthy

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of the gift of our sexuality.

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And it does make an imprint on us, for sure it does.

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Why?

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Because the senses are very heightened

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in that moment, right?

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It's a moment of a lot of stuff that's going on there.

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And so, yeah, you can have sexual soul ties,

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but it's not just sexual.

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Once again, your soul can be tethered

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in places and spaces and at times

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where things have happened.

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And we want to be set free from those places

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because we don't always want to be triggered,

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whether to the negative.

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And we also don't wanna compare everything

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as going forward to something that happened in the past.

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Okay, we don't wanna have, you know,

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that high school quarterback phenomena

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where maybe you had a really great childhood,

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a really great adolescence.

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Maybe you were really hitting on all cylinders

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in high school, and you have a lot of soul imprints

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from that time in your life.

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And now everything, by comparison, is dull.

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Maybe you liked somebody,

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and you even had a relationship with someone,

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and it didn't work out for whatever reason.

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And now you can't get over that or past that,

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or perhaps you compare everyone to that.

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And everyone, once again, is dulled by comparison.

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We don't wanna live that way, do we?

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So in order to not live that way,

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we have to recognize these soul ties,

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these tethers in our soul.

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And sometimes, you know,

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if they're traumatic and tragic in nature,

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we can only be set free from them by forgiveness.

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And that is that forgiveness part of the heart work.

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Some of you may have not gotten to that place yet.

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I think all of you probably have.

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But that's why it's so important to do those templates,

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those forgiveness templates,

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because what you're doing is you're setting yourself free

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from those triggers, right?

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You're releasing that other person

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from their bad behavior in those instances,

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and you're also setting yourself free

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from being stuck there.

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And maybe you're the villain of the story, okay?

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All of us are capable of doing, you know,

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pretty desperate things, unworthy things, all of us.

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We're all sinners saved by grace.

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And so it's important that we understand

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that that confession part of heart work

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is where we confess and we get set free.

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Sometimes God will have you circle back around

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and actually apologize,

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or maybe even make reparations

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or amend your behavior with someone.

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But most times, it's just between you and God.

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So I wanted to open the floor

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for some questions about soul ties.

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One way to find soul ties is that you, you know,

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you just never have,

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you've never thrived after a certain point of your life.

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That's how you find a soul tie.

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You've never had a better relationship

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than this one that ended.

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You know, every relationship since then

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has been lackluster,

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or perhaps you've only had bad relationships

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after one bad relationship.

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You've only had bad relationships or, you know,

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anything like that when it's concerning relationships.

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And then any areas of your life that you really avoid,

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you procrastinate in, those could have soul ties.

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Any area where you're reluctant to make a commitment,

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whether it's to community or to a job,

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you can actually be soul tied to an idea.

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It's important that I just kind of

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laid this all out for you guys.

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You could be soul tied to a dream,

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to an idea, to an ideal.

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And then nothing else ever measures up to it.

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It doesn't mean that you ever even had that thing,

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but because you want that thing

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and you want it to look just like

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what you imagine it to look like,

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you can actually get soul tied to an idea.

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And then everything else in the real world,

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in real time that, you know, is available to you,

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you don't even notice it or you overlook it

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because you're constantly looking for that.

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And that really doesn't just have to do with romance.

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That definitely has to do with friendships, communities.

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Case in point, David had a very traumatic experience

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at a megachurch.

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It wasn't all traumatic.

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And that's the thing about traumatic experiences.

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It's very rarely all traumatic.

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There's some good times mixed in with the bad, right?

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And so he was there for 15 years.

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He was on staff for 15 years.

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He was there for 27 years of his life.

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When I met him, he was at the tail end of that experience.

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He was only gonna be there for two more years

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after I met him.

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He didn't know that, I didn't know that,

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but God knew that.

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move on from, you know, unfortunately, no one sets out to spiritually abuse another. I don't believe

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that that happens. But there was a lot of things happening under the guise of church that were very

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oppressive and repressive, and that were holding him back from moving forward in his life in some

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areas. Okay. But as a result of that, he has never really joined community since then. And that's

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been, I don't know, we've been out of that church for 15 years now. Okay, same with me, my pastor

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went to prison. And before I met David, my pastor was indicted, and he was convicted on like 23

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felonies, and he went to prison. And so I met David not having a church because my pastor went to

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prison. And it was fresh, it had just happened. And then he was on the tail end of his, you know,

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oppressive experience with megachurch. And so guess who, guess what couple was not winning

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the award for serving in a new church? Probably us, right? And that's because we could never

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really see clearly to commit once again, to a community. Why? Because of trauma and because of

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soul tie. Does that make sense to everyone? Okay. All right. So I'm going to open the floor

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for some questions about soul ties now, what they are, what they aren't, maybe a situation or

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scenario that you need to see past. We have a, I don't know if he's going to come tonight. Is he

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here tonight? We have a couple people in our in our community, couple guys that are navigating

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relationships and trying to figure out whether or not, you know, this could be a relationship

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that can go forward into marriage. But then we have breakups. You guys, this is why breakups

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very often rebound. Okay. Especially, I want to say this because you guys need to hear it,

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especially if it's the man that broke up and not the woman.

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Oftentimes, if a man is the one that broke up, it will rebound.

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And you might be like, why, Jackie? Because when a woman is done with you, she's done with you.

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Okay. But if you break up with a woman and she's not done with the relationship, she still feels

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like she's in love with you at some level. You know, she's going to take you back if you try to

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come back most often. But if it's a woman that's doing the breaking up, she already got someone

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else. She done with you. Okay. She's already grabbed ahold of another bumper on a car.

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She's gone. Okay. You need to know this about women because it is 99% true.

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Okay. I would open the floor now. I have my camera off because I had a procedure on my face today

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and I look like Freddy Krueger. So that's it. Go ahead.

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My wife is gorgeous. Baby, you're beautiful today. Every day.

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It's all right. Half of us always look like Freddy Krueger. So you're in good company.

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There you go. All right. What do we got, guys?

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I really resonate with the finding community at church part that you guys were talking about.

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How would you go about finding that community again then?

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Is my mic okay? Yeah. No. I was muted and I couldn't get unmuted there for a second.

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First of all, you have to remember that we're never stuck on the outside.

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We're always stuck on the inside. Always, you guys. Always means always. I want you

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to write that down. I want you to refer back to that when you feel like anything external is

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stopping you. If you ever believe that something external is stopping you, the money, the amount

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of money you have in the bank account, your age, someone who's opposing you, another human being

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that's opposing you, even if there are opposition forces working through that human being, we're

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never, ever stuck on the outside. Nothing can stop us on the outside unless we are tethered on the

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inside. Case in point, my former husband, he used to, after we were divorced, he used to call me

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because we had shared custody of a small child. She was only six years old. And so we're going

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to have many years of phone calls and logistical, you know, shared parenting things. And he would

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call me on the phone and he would berate me, which is why I wasn't married to him in the first place.

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So instead of escaping that type of mental and emotional and verbal abuse, I was getting a,

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you know, a dose of it every single week. And I would get off the phone and I would just be

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devastated by the things that he said about, well, you didn't do this and you should have done that

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and you don't do that and you do do this and all the things.

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And I would just feel paralyzed, okay,

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because verbal abuse was something

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that happened all through my childhood,

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whether it was with my parents

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or foster parents or whoever.

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And so it was like in a kryptonite for me.

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And so one day, I'll never forget,

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I got off the phone and I just kind of disintegrated

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into tears and into an emotional upheaval

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of this situation and these moments.

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And God spoke to me and he said,

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you know, Jackie, is what he said true?

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You know, stop getting emotional, you know, for a minute.

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Is what he said to you just now, is any of it true?

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And I thought about it and I thought about

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the different things that he had said to me

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and just being objective and being honest with myself,

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no, it actually was objectively not true, okay?

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It was very exaggerated at best

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and it was completely a lie at worst.

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And so I said, no, God, it's not true.

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And then he said something to me that changed my life.

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And this is where only stuck on the inside

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and not the outside comes from.

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He said, then why do you believe it?

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Okay, then why do you believe it?

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So what he showed me that day was that

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I felt like I was stuck by having an abusive former husband,

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now I had a co-parent with him,

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I was never gonna be able to escape,

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you know, all of this stuff.

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But what I realized is, is that something inside of me

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was coming into agreement, some trauma from childhood,

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where other people's narrative about me

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had become my truth.

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And now this person was just vocalizing that to me

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and inside, it was shutting me down

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because I was in agreement with it, okay?

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And so in James' case, when it comes to finding community,

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we have to get honest about why we're not in community.

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What do we believe about community?

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You know, what do we believe about ourselves in community

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or the value of community?

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What do we believe about the leadership of community?

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Not just specific leadership, any leadership.

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And when we start getting down to those,

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we start asking those questions,

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we'll start getting down to those groups

293
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and we'll start seeing why there's a fence

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keeping us out of community.

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Does that make sense?

296
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Yes, it makes sense.

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Yeah, as you were sharing, I was thinking about

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maybe different reasons why I'm not in community

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or my views on leadership.

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Yeah, something for me to think about.

301
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Thank you.

302
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You're welcome.

303
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And then when you guys,

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when we get down to those brass tacks, to those truths,

305
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then we can confront those, just like God said to me,

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God said to me, this thing that I'm believing,

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this thing that I'm unconsciously thinking, is it true?

308
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Why do I believe it?

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Where does it come from?

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What's it rooted in?

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What experience brought it into being?

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And then we can come out of agreement.

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And I promise you, if you start doing that,

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you'll start seeing potential communities different.

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So if you do that,

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and then you go visit churches or spiritual communities,

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you will see them more clearly as how they really are

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instead of how you think they are in your heart.

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Same thing with women, guys.

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Same thing with romantic relationships.

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When we get clear about what we really believe

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about why we're single, write that down,

323
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make that your homework.

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Why am I really single?

325
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Because I might've been telling myself,

326
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oh, I live in the wrong zip code,

327
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and there's just no good women in LA,

328
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or this or that or whatever it is.

329
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Remember, if it's external

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and it's something that you cannot control or change,

331
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it's not the reason you're stuck.

332
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Because the Bible says we can prosper

333
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even as our souls prosper.

334
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And that word prosper actually means to be abundant.

335
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It means to gain territory.

336
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It means forward movement.

337
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And so we're never stuck by something

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that's out of our control.

339
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We're only stuck about what we believe about it.

340
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And guys, that's not like new agey semantics or whatever.

341
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It's Bible, and it's true.

342
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And trust me, it's been true in my life.

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Over and over and over again,

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since that moment that I had that conversation about,

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that phone call with my ex-husband,

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my life has little by little by little

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transformed as I've applied this.

348
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I used to think I was stuck by my bank account.

349
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I'm just not making enough money,

350
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and therefore I can't go on vacation with my family.

351
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I can't do this.

352
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I can't do that.

353
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But what I didn't realize is that the reason why

354
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there wasn't any money in my bank account

355
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is because of what I believed about my own value

356
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and what I brought to the world.

357
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Because remember, guys,

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and this is especially good for you, gentlemen,

359
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is that money follows.

360
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as passion. Okay? And when you're willing to show up in life as a valuable, passionate man that has

361
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something to offer his wife, his family, you know, his employer, maybe you're the employer,

362
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so you have something to offer the world as being the employer, it doesn't matter what,

363
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when you really believe those things, then money chases you, you don't have to chase money.

364
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I've become a serial entrepreneur since that conversation with my former husband and God that

365
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day. Okay. More questions. So, James, that's your homework about spiritual community and just

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community in general. Gentlemen, one of the lies that men are told is that you've been created to

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be independent and therefore that translates to solitary. And it's just not true. The Bible says

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God takes the solitary and places them in family. And so you have not been created to be a loner in

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this life. That's not masculine. Being independent is not masculine. That's an orphan spirit. And so

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we want to dig down to where did those ideas come from and how has that been a self-fulfilling

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prophecy and how has that been a soul tie to that ideal masculine avatar that's keeping me stuck?

372
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Does that make sense to everybody? Okay. All right. More questions. Let's go. And babe,

373
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jump in anytime. I'm not. There we go. I will say on this one thing regarding community,

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one of the other huge factors is the fact that we need community. So, it's not necessarily

375
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people gathering together of like mind, enjoying fellowship together, which is basically the

376
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essence of community. There's more involved in that. But I mean, we need community. Lots of

377
00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:16.240
times it also comes down to style and to form of community that really drives a wedge between

378
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the individual and the individual receiving what the benefits of community are. And so,

379
00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:28.880
one of the things that we found is that we have community now in our lives. It just looks

380
00:22:28.880 --> 00:22:34.800
different in terms of the type of community and the people we're associated with. We're still

381
00:22:34.800 --> 00:22:38.800
with like-minded kingdom people, believing people, Jesus-loving people.

382
00:22:40.960 --> 00:22:48.080
It doesn't look like what we used to do. And so, style and form are also a huge part of

383
00:22:49.040 --> 00:22:51.760
finding a new expression, a new way of doing community.

384
00:22:52.800 --> 00:22:59.200
That's good. And you guys, you can have a soul tether to your idea of what it has to look like,

385
00:22:59.200 --> 00:23:05.200
fill in the blank, whether it's community, whether it's a relationship, whether it's your

386
00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:11.840
own spirituality. I think this happens more with men than women, but women have a certain

387
00:23:11.840 --> 00:23:17.200
expectation of what spirituality should look like. And they want to apply that to man,

388
00:23:17.760 --> 00:23:19.600
not just to themselves. Exactly.

389
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Because spirituality is very individual. The way that God speaks to you and through you is

390
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very individualized. There isn't a template for this. And so, I want to really encourage each one

391
00:23:31.920 --> 00:23:38.320
of you guys to own your relationship with God. And when anyone, especially some churchy woman

392
00:23:38.320 --> 00:23:42.800
who you go on a date with, who wants to give you an interrogation about your relationship with God,

393
00:23:43.600 --> 00:23:47.040
I want you to be able to feel comfortable showing up and saying,

394
00:23:47.040 --> 00:23:52.400
you know, my relationship with God is a customized individual relationship,

395
00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:56.640
and it might not look like yours, and I might not be able to explain to you in words

396
00:23:57.280 --> 00:24:00.080
what it's like in this moment, but I have one.

397
00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:06.720
And it can't be a cop-out answer, like, well, you know, I just have my own little thing.

398
00:24:06.720 --> 00:24:09.280
Like, it has to have some weight to it, you know.

399
00:24:10.960 --> 00:24:13.680
I love that. Can I ask a follow-up?

400
00:24:14.720 --> 00:24:15.280
Sure.

401
00:24:15.280 --> 00:24:21.760
Not to take us too far off topic, but in that scenario, I would also, my heart goes to

402
00:24:22.960 --> 00:24:28.240
and pay attention to my actions, right? Because I think, you know, this idea of my own unique

403
00:24:28.240 --> 00:24:34.000
spirituality should show up in the way that I live and interact with that individual. And so,

404
00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:39.840
I mean, I wouldn't say I would put a challenge out to a woman, but I would invite to pay attention

405
00:24:39.840 --> 00:24:44.240
to my actions, because actions are really more important than my words anyway. So,

406
00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:47.840
does that feel appropriate to you, I guess, or is that too much?

407
00:24:48.400 --> 00:24:52.960
No, a thousand percent. I mean, you're not in our women's community, but I will tell you that

408
00:24:52.960 --> 00:24:59.920
one of the main precedents is that we teach women not to be gift inspectors, but rather fruit

409
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:08.480
inspectors? Does this man have the fruit of relationship in his life? Is he generous? Is he

410
00:25:08.480 --> 00:25:21.200
kind? Is he wise? Is he patient? Does he do what he says? Is he consistent? Is he reliable?

411
00:25:21.840 --> 00:25:26.240
And so, yes, it's very valid, and it's also what we teach here.

412
00:25:27.200 --> 00:25:32.480
Yeah, the scripture bears out that, you know, you will be known by the fruit that you bear.

413
00:25:32.480 --> 00:25:37.200
A tree is known by the fruit that it bears. I mean, this is very obvious. So, I mean,

414
00:25:38.720 --> 00:25:43.600
a lot of time we put that over into the air of like, oh, your character and so forth.

415
00:25:43.600 --> 00:25:47.440
Well, it's very true. If there's one person that says that you're a liar, well,

416
00:25:47.440 --> 00:25:54.560
you know, maybe they encountered you in an unfortunate situation. If five people or 10

417
00:25:54.560 --> 00:26:02.560
people call you a liar, you're probably a liar, you know, or any other thing that may be manifested.

418
00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:08.720
And you guys, just letting you in kind of into a woman's psyche a little bit,

419
00:26:08.720 --> 00:26:12.480
the reason why women do that, especially in the area of spirituality,

420
00:26:12.480 --> 00:26:19.360
is because they've had a lot of bad experiences with men who say that they are living a life

421
00:26:19.360 --> 00:26:24.800
based on Christian values, that, you know, maybe even go to church, maybe they even met them at a

422
00:26:24.800 --> 00:26:29.840
church. And then when they got to know them, unfortunately, some of them not until after

423
00:26:29.840 --> 00:26:38.000
they married them, it turned out to be a different situation. Right? So, women have a tendency to be

424
00:26:38.640 --> 00:26:47.200
very interrogating in that area. But I want to, I really want to encourage you guys,

425
00:26:47.200 --> 00:26:54.400
in all these areas that we're talking about, to make sure that you are not soul-tied or tethered

426
00:26:54.400 --> 00:26:59.680
to something that's keeping you from really believing that God loves you, or that you have

427
00:26:59.680 --> 00:27:07.120
a relationship with him, because you're comparing yourself to some other ideal of what either

428
00:27:07.120 --> 00:27:12.400
someone else told you it's supposed to look like to have a relationship with God, or something that,

429
00:27:12.400 --> 00:27:17.520
you know, you're seeing in someone else, another man, possibly. It's great to provoke one another

430
00:27:17.520 --> 00:27:22.880
to good works. The Bible says to do that. But we're also not supposed to compare ourselves

431
00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:28.000
among ourselves. Right? Those are both scriptures. And so, let's make sure that we are leaving room

432
00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:35.040
for individuality and relationship with God. Another way to put that is that one of the

433
00:27:35.040 --> 00:27:41.760
things, the form of religion, because if you've been around church or religion or church culture

434
00:27:41.760 --> 00:27:49.440
for a while, it sometimes is actually too easy to be able to pretend to be spiritual, because you

435
00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:55.680
know and are very familiar with the accoutrements of church culture and how to do it. And so, what

436
00:27:55.680 --> 00:28:00.720
women are looking for is the authentic. And so, the only way to express that is to show the actual

437
00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:05.840
fruit of your character and the fruit of the heart that is surrendered to the Lord.

438
00:28:06.400 --> 00:28:12.160
And most women would love to be married to a sincere man who maybe is not that spiritually

439
00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:17.680
mature as them, even. Because, you know, women, they're going to all the classes and courses.

440
00:28:17.680 --> 00:28:22.080
They show up every time the church doors are open, kind of thing. Women are very communal.

441
00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:28.720
So, they're always that. But they would rather marry a man who's sincere and just honest,

442
00:28:28.720 --> 00:28:34.000
someone who has integrity, and someone who's open-minded and open-hearted than, you know,

443
00:28:34.080 --> 00:28:37.040
some dude who's went to seminary to be a pastor or something.

444
00:28:41.040 --> 00:28:44.560
All right. So, more questions on any kind. Anything that's soul-tied doesn't have to be

445
00:28:44.560 --> 00:28:49.440
the spiritual part of what we're talking about. Anything and everything. Floor's up. Open.

446
00:28:54.640 --> 00:28:58.800
I have a question. So, can you guys hear me?

447
00:28:58.800 --> 00:28:59.760
Yeah, we can hear you.

448
00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:00.800
Yeah, we can hear you.

449
00:29:01.360 --> 00:29:06.000
Okay. So, basically, this is kind of like a soul-tie that I have with my mom, kind of like

450
00:29:09.120 --> 00:29:13.360
where, you know, you have to forgive your parents for, you know, all the stuff, whatever,

451
00:29:13.360 --> 00:29:18.480
you know, kind of the parental stuff. And I'm like a child, you know, so there was like a lot

452
00:29:18.480 --> 00:29:21.200
of like, what's wrong with you, you know, kind of stuff going on when you're a kid.

453
00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:28.000
And me and my family, we have Saturday night dinners every night at my mom's. We always check

454
00:29:28.000 --> 00:29:32.720
and I have two brothers, all the wives show up, all that good stuff. I love that. But everyone

455
00:29:32.720 --> 00:29:37.280
tends to leave, you know, and I always stay behind with my mom. I hang out for some more quality

456
00:29:37.280 --> 00:29:47.200
time. And there's just weeks every once in a while where I struggle because I basically

457
00:29:48.160 --> 00:29:53.360
realized that, you know, it's up to me, the success of me and my mother's relationship

458
00:29:54.240 --> 00:29:57.120
and how, you know, the people don't know what they know,

459
00:29:57.120 --> 00:29:59.840
they don't know what they're doing. You have to change. That's okay.

460
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.200
for them to get along and stuff.

461
00:30:02.200 --> 00:30:04.320
So, but this last week, man, she like,

462
00:30:04.320 --> 00:30:06.520
I hate to use that, you know, that, that word triggered,

463
00:30:06.520 --> 00:30:08.960
but, and it was a simple thing,

464
00:30:08.960 --> 00:30:11.120
like you put the food in the microwave

465
00:30:11.120 --> 00:30:12.320
and you got to put a lid on it, right?

466
00:30:12.320 --> 00:30:14.040
Cause if you dirty the microwave, you know,

467
00:30:14.040 --> 00:30:16.160
she's going to trip out, which I get that.

468
00:30:16.160 --> 00:30:18.200
You know, that's a 20 year old rule.

469
00:30:18.200 --> 00:30:19.280
I know the rule.

470
00:30:19.280 --> 00:30:20.120
All right.

471
00:30:20.120 --> 00:30:22.500
I put a plate on top of the plate

472
00:30:22.500 --> 00:30:25.120
because she likes to use plastic to warm up food.

473
00:30:25.120 --> 00:30:25.960
I'm sorry.

474
00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:26.780
I'm getting like a little detailed here,

475
00:30:26.780 --> 00:30:31.540
but she's like, you better put the plastic on the plate.

476
00:30:31.540 --> 00:30:33.260
And I didn't say nothing, right?

477
00:30:33.260 --> 00:30:35.340
Cause I got a plate on the plate.

478
00:30:35.340 --> 00:30:36.260
We're good.

479
00:30:36.260 --> 00:30:37.980
She like kind of gets me out the way,

480
00:30:37.980 --> 00:30:40.260
opens the, opens the microwave door.

481
00:30:40.260 --> 00:30:41.260
You better not.

482
00:30:42.220 --> 00:30:44.140
She goes, oh, you put a plate on the,

483
00:30:44.140 --> 00:30:45.860
yeah, I go, yeah, mom.

484
00:30:45.860 --> 00:30:47.180
Okay. Crazy woman.

485
00:30:47.180 --> 00:30:49.700
Now get the, you know, move over, right?

486
00:30:51.060 --> 00:30:52.700
But I realized that it ate at me

487
00:30:52.700 --> 00:30:54.580
because I let her affect me.

488
00:30:54.580 --> 00:30:56.580
So long story short here,

489
00:30:57.340 --> 00:30:58.500
I forgive my mom for her ways

490
00:30:58.500 --> 00:31:01.460
cause she's just a fiery, dysfunctional Italian lady,

491
00:31:01.460 --> 00:31:03.220
love her to death, die for her.

492
00:31:03.220 --> 00:31:05.060
But you know, there's just times

493
00:31:05.060 --> 00:31:09.000
where I can't play the role correctly.

494
00:31:09.000 --> 00:31:13.020
I like get weak and she like reels me in

495
00:31:13.020 --> 00:31:15.420
like a fish on a line sometimes.

496
00:31:15.420 --> 00:31:18.500
So anyways, long, long winded here.

497
00:31:18.500 --> 00:31:19.460
No, not at all.

498
00:31:21.300 --> 00:31:24.380
You know, it's like a negative soul tie with her,

499
00:31:24.380 --> 00:31:28.700
but it's like so much love and forgiveness about,

500
00:31:28.700 --> 00:31:29.780
cause you know, we're all going to die soon.

501
00:31:29.780 --> 00:31:31.660
So it's like, let's have a good time.

502
00:31:31.660 --> 00:31:34.900
So that's where I just, I get weak.

503
00:31:34.900 --> 00:31:35.900
I get weak at times.

504
00:31:35.900 --> 00:31:38.100
And then, you know, like it eats at me for like a day

505
00:31:38.100 --> 00:31:41.860
because I lashed out at her, feel bad about it.

506
00:31:42.740 --> 00:31:44.260
At the end of the night, I gave her a kiss goodbye.

507
00:31:44.260 --> 00:31:47.380
I told her, I'm sorry that I got, you know,

508
00:31:47.380 --> 00:31:49.500
you know, a little aggressive.

509
00:31:49.500 --> 00:31:52.100
Cause I was like, you know, get out of here.

510
00:31:52.100 --> 00:31:53.060
You know, foods we know.

511
00:31:53.060 --> 00:31:56.580
But anyways, that's kind of like, I figure it's normal,

512
00:31:56.580 --> 00:31:58.340
but you just got to get back on the horse, right?

513
00:31:58.340 --> 00:31:59.980
Is that kind of?

514
00:31:59.980 --> 00:32:02.140
Yeah, no, I mean, obviously you guys,

515
00:32:02.140 --> 00:32:03.780
we're going to be triggered in relationship

516
00:32:03.780 --> 00:32:04.780
where we're going to,

517
00:32:04.780 --> 00:32:06.540
especially if you have a long history,

518
00:32:06.540 --> 00:32:08.900
but I want you guys, I want us to look at Abram.

519
00:32:08.900 --> 00:32:11.740
I want us to look at this situation

520
00:32:11.740 --> 00:32:13.940
because it's so common, right?

521
00:32:13.940 --> 00:32:16.740
Especially when you come from, you know, let's just face it.

522
00:32:16.740 --> 00:32:20.540
There are some types of families that it's cultural

523
00:32:20.540 --> 00:32:22.740
to be verbally abusive.

524
00:32:22.940 --> 00:32:24.940
It's cultural to be verbally abusive.

525
00:32:24.940 --> 00:32:27.340
Like, you know, all these people, these white people

526
00:32:27.340 --> 00:32:28.900
that are raised in the suburbs, you know,

527
00:32:28.900 --> 00:32:30.860
you come over and they're perfect.

528
00:32:30.860 --> 00:32:34.180
And they're like, look at them, you know, they're so great.

529
00:32:34.180 --> 00:32:35.540
They're the most wonderful thing in the world.

530
00:32:35.540 --> 00:32:37.380
And you go to other families where, you know.

531
00:32:37.380 --> 00:32:40.180
They're talking nice, hushed tones.

532
00:32:40.180 --> 00:32:41.220
Yeah, exactly.

533
00:32:41.220 --> 00:32:42.420
And then you go to other families

534
00:32:42.420 --> 00:32:43.820
where it's culturally acceptable

535
00:32:43.820 --> 00:32:45.420
and they don't even realize they're doing it

536
00:32:45.420 --> 00:32:46.580
to be verbally abusive.

537
00:32:46.580 --> 00:32:48.820
You know, you walk in and they're like, look at my kid.

538
00:32:48.820 --> 00:32:51.740
His head's so big, you know, or this or that, or, you know,

539
00:32:51.740 --> 00:32:52.700
the kid can't do anything right.

540
00:32:52.700 --> 00:32:53.620
We don't know what's wrong with him.

541
00:32:53.620 --> 00:32:54.900
You know, it's just, you know,

542
00:32:54.900 --> 00:32:56.860
in front of other people, in front of company, why?

543
00:32:56.860 --> 00:32:58.980
Because it's just cultural.

544
00:32:58.980 --> 00:33:00.300
And so is it okay?

545
00:33:00.300 --> 00:33:01.700
No, it's not okay.

546
00:33:01.700 --> 00:33:03.460
And so because you come from,

547
00:33:03.460 --> 00:33:06.900
it sounds like that type of cultural background,

548
00:33:06.900 --> 00:33:08.580
the thing that you're soul tied to,

549
00:33:08.580 --> 00:33:11.700
or the thing that the trigger is rooted in

550
00:33:11.700 --> 00:33:14.340
is actually not mom, because mom is just a product

551
00:33:14.340 --> 00:33:16.700
of her own upbringing and all the things, right?

552
00:33:16.700 --> 00:33:21.500
But it's this, it is the idea of rules

553
00:33:21.500 --> 00:33:23.580
are more important than relationship.

554
00:33:25.180 --> 00:33:27.140
So mom has the rule that you don't put anything

555
00:33:27.140 --> 00:33:28.820
in her microwave, you know, and you said,

556
00:33:28.820 --> 00:33:30.460
it's a 20 year rule,

557
00:33:30.460 --> 00:33:33.580
but it's more important than relationship.

558
00:33:33.580 --> 00:33:37.180
It's more important than you feeling wanted

559
00:33:37.180 --> 00:33:40.700
and accepted and loved, her microwave not getting dirty.

560
00:33:40.700 --> 00:33:44.180
And it's such a small thing, but it's such a big thing

561
00:33:44.180 --> 00:33:46.540
because all of us, in order to really connect

562
00:33:46.540 --> 00:33:48.380
and feel safe in relationships,

563
00:33:48.380 --> 00:33:50.580
we have to know that we are more important

564
00:33:50.620 --> 00:33:53.140
than anyone's agenda, okay?

565
00:33:53.140 --> 00:33:55.900
To keep their house clean, to do this, to do that,

566
00:33:55.900 --> 00:33:56.740
whatever it is.

567
00:33:56.740 --> 00:33:59.060
And we have to, and it starts with God, y'all.

568
00:33:59.060 --> 00:34:02.460
And it goes back, you know, did you grow up in Catholicism?

569
00:34:02.460 --> 00:34:03.860
Catholic family?

570
00:34:04.820 --> 00:34:07.100
Yeah, we're like Roman Catholics, yeah.

571
00:34:07.100 --> 00:34:08.620
We're Italian, a little bit of German.

572
00:34:08.620 --> 00:34:09.820
Right, so there we go.

573
00:34:09.820 --> 00:34:11.820
So it's a bunch of rules, okay?

574
00:34:11.820 --> 00:34:12.780
Yeah, yep.

575
00:34:12.780 --> 00:34:15.500
And so this is where, this is rooted back,

576
00:34:15.500 --> 00:34:17.860
back, back, back here, okay?

577
00:34:17.860 --> 00:34:19.340
And for all of you, I want you to listen to this

578
00:34:19.340 --> 00:34:20.540
because it's really important,

579
00:34:20.540 --> 00:34:25.540
is that God loves his sons more than he loves his rules.

580
00:34:28.900 --> 00:34:30.699
And that is where this is rooted.

581
00:34:30.699 --> 00:34:34.460
God loves his kids more than he loves his rules.

582
00:34:34.460 --> 00:34:35.980
I can prove it.

583
00:34:35.980 --> 00:34:39.139
The rules were there to keep us safe

584
00:34:39.139 --> 00:34:41.780
and show us that we needed a savior,

585
00:34:41.780 --> 00:34:44.620
but then he sent his son to die for us

586
00:34:44.620 --> 00:34:48.580
because the rules were not the most important thing.

587
00:34:49.540 --> 00:34:52.500
Okay, the relationship was, right?

588
00:34:53.420 --> 00:34:57.260
And so at the root of everything like this,

589
00:34:57.260 --> 00:34:59.700
where we've grown up in households that are strict,

590
00:34:59.700 --> 00:35:00.540
we're living in,

591
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.000
It's just a bunch of rules just in order to keep order and it's not about relationship

592
00:35:06.000 --> 00:35:10.300
There's a lot of verbal abuse if you break the rules or if you God forbid

593
00:35:10.300 --> 00:35:15.900
I can just look at Abram and tell he's probably the black sheep of this family is probably someone who's outspoken and someone who

594
00:35:16.040 --> 00:35:21.200
Didn't do things the right way and and me too. That's why I can recognize you. Trust me

595
00:35:21.200 --> 00:35:26.420
I got kicked out of Catholic school just so you know, they kicked me out the nuns had a dependence over me

596
00:35:26.420 --> 00:35:32.660
They told me never to come back. You know, I held like a complete walkout on fish stick Friday because I hate fish

597
00:35:33.340 --> 00:35:36.860
During lunch. I mean it was not good you guys it was not good

598
00:35:36.860 --> 00:35:44.700
And so as a former maverick or as a as a maverick, but as a former, you know misfit I will tell you that

599
00:35:45.940 --> 00:35:50.800
God had to really get this inside of me because you guys this can bleed over to every area of our lives

600
00:35:52.220 --> 00:35:54.220
because if we believe that

601
00:35:55.220 --> 00:35:56.700
Meeting someone's

602
00:35:56.700 --> 00:35:59.340
Expectations and their rules is more important than relationship

603
00:35:59.340 --> 00:36:05.660
And if we if we attract relationships like that, we are always gonna feel like we're not enough. We're not doing enough

604
00:36:05.700 --> 00:36:08.780
There's gonna be lots of fights when we you know

605
00:36:08.860 --> 00:36:14.140
Don't do the thing and then we feel rejected and we feel not accepted by that person

606
00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:21.240
Okay, the reason why you lash out at mom is not because you're just annoyed with her microwave rule

607
00:36:21.280 --> 00:36:27.920
It's because it's more it gets to a point where it feels like it's more important than you and spending time with you and

608
00:36:28.080 --> 00:36:30.080
Loving you

609
00:36:30.240 --> 00:36:34.920
You know, it's like mom I stayed after to hang out with you and you want to get all over me about the frickin

610
00:36:34.920 --> 00:36:36.920
Microwave, what are we doing here? I

611
00:36:37.880 --> 00:36:40.100
Have something to add on to this Jackie

612
00:36:41.320 --> 00:36:45.260
Um, you know, I have a similar experience like when I go home

613
00:36:45.940 --> 00:36:49.980
Like I remember I went home for Thanksgiving and my sister

614
00:36:49.980 --> 00:36:55.120
I was wearing this shirt and I had a mullet at the time and my sister made a comment about me

615
00:36:55.820 --> 00:37:03.340
And she said I look like Pedro like from Nacho Libre and for some reason it like broke me down for some reason

616
00:37:03.820 --> 00:37:09.460
Like it made me like really sensitive like to the point where like I almost want to like tear up and cry like I didn't even

617
00:37:09.460 --> 00:37:11.860
Realize how much I cared about my sister's opinion, right?

618
00:37:12.860 --> 00:37:17.820
So when dealing with this and into you know, we are

619
00:37:19.340 --> 00:37:21.340
Dealing with relationships of people

620
00:37:21.860 --> 00:37:28.460
How do we go about you know dealing with something like that to where internally like we're healed from whatever it is

621
00:37:28.700 --> 00:37:34.080
That soul tie is for example being hurt by a stupid comment that obviously has no truth

622
00:37:34.660 --> 00:37:37.580
Well, you know some values some families, you know

623
00:37:37.580 --> 00:37:43.660
They just they're they don't value communication because they haven't been taught about to value communication

624
00:37:43.660 --> 00:37:46.420
And I'm talking about like heart-to-heart communication

625
00:37:46.700 --> 00:37:50.920
So if you had a family and maybe you guys will be the first person in your family

626
00:37:51.060 --> 00:37:54.540
Or Joseph could say to his sister. Hey, you know, I know you think that's funny

627
00:37:54.540 --> 00:37:57.900
But that actually really hurt my feelings but not in a accusing way

628
00:37:57.900 --> 00:37:59.780
But in a hey, you know

629
00:37:59.780 --> 00:38:04.620
I I really value how you see me and what you think of me and that hurt my feelings

630
00:38:04.780 --> 00:38:10.220
Same thing with Abram if he could show up and say to his mom mom. I know your microwave rule

631
00:38:10.220 --> 00:38:14.260
I stayed after because I really wanted to spend some one-on-one time with you

632
00:38:14.860 --> 00:38:19.460
And you know, I really wish that you know didn't have to turn into an argument

633
00:38:20.260 --> 00:38:21.540
Okay

634
00:38:21.540 --> 00:38:23.540
Use people by having

635
00:38:24.580 --> 00:38:25.820
vulnerability

636
00:38:25.820 --> 00:38:28.420
Vulnerability leads to connection just so you know

637
00:38:29.140 --> 00:38:32.580
Yeah, I I actually so it hurt my feelings so much

638
00:38:32.580 --> 00:38:38.020
Actually changed my shirt. And so when I showed up to you know, our brother's house for the Thanksgiving

639
00:38:38.020 --> 00:38:40.940
She saw me and she was like, you don't have to change your shirt

640
00:38:40.940 --> 00:38:46.260
I was just kidding and I told her I said you need to respect me like that hurt my feelings a lot

641
00:38:46.500 --> 00:38:51.460
And she said I'm really sorry and ever since I seen her since then she's never

642
00:38:51.980 --> 00:38:53.980
Done anything like that again

643
00:38:53.980 --> 00:38:57.140
Well, that's good. And I mean and saying you need to respect me

644
00:38:57.140 --> 00:38:59.900
I mean, I don't know how you said it, but I will just tell you that

645
00:39:00.540 --> 00:39:06.780
You know, that's great and I'm glad that she I'm glad that that was a favorable response, but sometimes just came out

646
00:39:07.740 --> 00:39:13.860
Right because well because you were hurt and here's another thing men and here's another thing. I want you to write this down

647
00:39:13.860 --> 00:39:15.860
This is important. Okay, and

648
00:39:16.380 --> 00:39:20.100
I write about it in the materials, but I'm gonna say it here again. That is

649
00:39:21.020 --> 00:39:24.280
Anger when it shows up, please pay attention to it

650
00:39:24.940 --> 00:39:29.140
Okay, there's different levels that can show up in he can show up in low-level anger

651
00:39:29.180 --> 00:39:33.180
Which is kind of more like irritation and frustration and it can show up in high-level

652
00:39:33.940 --> 00:39:35.860
Anger, which is like rage

653
00:39:35.860 --> 00:39:40.580
Okay, please pay attention to anger when it shows up. What are you doing? Who are you with?

654
00:39:41.380 --> 00:39:48.180
Kind of take a minute to do some hard work with some tools just uncle, you know inside just unspoken like hey, you know, like what?

655
00:39:48.860 --> 00:39:51.900
What's this really about because anger is hurt and fear is bodyguard

656
00:39:52.340 --> 00:39:57.340
When it shows up and I will tell you this and this is really important if you do not learn

657
00:39:57.340 --> 00:40:00.300
Right now I believe God's in my heart

658
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.500
inviting all of you into this,

659
00:40:01.500 --> 00:40:06.200
if you will deal with the anger that comes from trauma,

660
00:40:06.200 --> 00:40:09.840
the deep-seated hurt and fear that comes from trauma

661
00:40:09.840 --> 00:40:11.680
that shows up as anger,

662
00:40:11.680 --> 00:40:15.040
if you will deal with that now during this time,

663
00:40:15.040 --> 00:40:19.360
then you won't have level 10 anger

664
00:40:19.360 --> 00:40:22.160
with a level one or two irritation or frustration.

665
00:40:22.160 --> 00:40:24.160
This is why people get road rage.

666
00:40:24.160 --> 00:40:27.300
This is why people pop off, okay,

667
00:40:27.300 --> 00:40:29.840
at the slightest provocation.

668
00:40:29.840 --> 00:40:31.840
You know, people will say, oh, they have anger issues.

669
00:40:31.840 --> 00:40:35.080
No, they have a lot of undealt with fear

670
00:40:35.080 --> 00:40:36.480
and hurt from trauma.

671
00:40:37.840 --> 00:40:39.860
And so if you don't deal with that,

672
00:40:39.860 --> 00:40:42.020
then that really high level anger

673
00:40:42.020 --> 00:40:44.620
is gonna show up very inappropriately in your life.

674
00:40:45.520 --> 00:40:47.220
Does that make sense to everyone?

675
00:40:49.300 --> 00:40:51.180
And you know, I had an uncle like that.

676
00:40:51.180 --> 00:40:55.180
He's not alive anymore, partly because of his anger.

677
00:40:55.180 --> 00:40:57.060
Made himself sick, gave himself a heart attack,

678
00:40:57.060 --> 00:40:58.180
stroke, all the things.

679
00:40:58.180 --> 00:41:02.460
But this guy, whoo, you had to walk on eggshells around him

680
00:41:02.460 --> 00:41:05.140
because he had a lot of deep, deep trauma.

681
00:41:05.140 --> 00:41:06.100
I didn't know that at the time.

682
00:41:06.100 --> 00:41:09.680
I just thought he was a jerk that, you know,

683
00:41:09.680 --> 00:41:12.520
always manifested as anger at everything.

684
00:41:12.520 --> 00:41:14.620
Like you never knew when this guy

685
00:41:14.620 --> 00:41:16.700
was just gonna blow his stack.

686
00:41:16.700 --> 00:41:19.620
And so, but it usually was gonna be over something

687
00:41:19.620 --> 00:41:24.620
that was not in any way, shape or form at that level.

688
00:41:25.180 --> 00:41:26.500
Of anger.

689
00:41:27.860 --> 00:41:29.980
Okay, so definitely write that down, guys.

690
00:41:31.140 --> 00:41:33.380
We wanna deal with this so that

691
00:41:33.380 --> 00:41:35.380
when we get irritated and frustrated,

692
00:41:35.380 --> 00:41:37.100
especially when we're driving a car,

693
00:41:37.100 --> 00:41:41.260
doing things, you know, dealing with some, you know,

694
00:41:41.260 --> 00:41:45.020
person who's not smart, formerly known as an idiot,

695
00:41:45.020 --> 00:41:46.220
that we don't blow up.

696
00:41:47.740 --> 00:41:49.260
They're not smart or wise.

697
00:41:49.260 --> 00:41:50.780
We would have formally called them an idiot,

698
00:41:50.780 --> 00:41:52.220
but we're not gonna call people idiot.

699
00:41:52.220 --> 00:41:53.900
We're not gonna cuss people on the road

700
00:41:53.900 --> 00:41:55.780
because we're gonna deal with our trauma.

701
00:41:55.780 --> 00:41:57.780
Okay, all right, who's next?

702
00:41:59.860 --> 00:42:02.020
I will confess, I have an issue with this.

703
00:42:03.420 --> 00:42:04.580
No.

704
00:42:04.580 --> 00:42:07.520
He's already been very public with it.

705
00:42:10.020 --> 00:42:12.100
It is not a lie, y'all.

706
00:42:12.100 --> 00:42:14.060
We still love you, David.

707
00:42:14.060 --> 00:42:16.340
This mild-mannered man, when he gets behind

708
00:42:16.340 --> 00:42:18.380
the wheel of a car, turns into the Hulk.

709
00:42:20.620 --> 00:42:23.580
It just, it's my out, it's my outlight for frustration

710
00:42:24.260 --> 00:42:26.500
and it is not appropriate, but it is a truth

711
00:42:26.500 --> 00:42:27.860
and I will confess to it.

712
00:42:29.980 --> 00:42:31.220
Hey, Jackie.

713
00:42:31.220 --> 00:42:32.060
Yeah, go ahead.

714
00:42:32.060 --> 00:42:33.500
When you were talking earlier,

715
00:42:33.500 --> 00:42:38.500
you kind of broadened my view of like potential soul ties

716
00:42:38.980 --> 00:42:40.220
and it was good.

717
00:42:40.220 --> 00:42:44.860
And when I was a child, I, you know, escaped a lot in like,

718
00:42:44.860 --> 00:42:47.820
well, just fantasy, I thought of fantasy or idealism,

719
00:42:47.820 --> 00:42:48.660
whatever you wanna call it.

720
00:42:48.660 --> 00:42:52.460
And so I'm curious in a relationship,

721
00:42:52.460 --> 00:42:54.800
like, you know, I've never been married.

722
00:42:56.900 --> 00:42:58.020
You know a little bit about my story.

723
00:42:58.020 --> 00:42:59.140
I was engaged once.

724
00:42:59.140 --> 00:43:01.440
Like, is it possible to,

725
00:43:03.340 --> 00:43:05.180
well, I'll just say like engaged once.

726
00:43:05.180 --> 00:43:08.220
I didn't really know what I was doing, but anyway.

727
00:43:08.220 --> 00:43:13.220
I, is it possible to have like a soul tie to the idea,

728
00:43:13.500 --> 00:43:16.140
like the fantasy of what it feels like

729
00:43:16.140 --> 00:43:18.100
to be in a relationship?

730
00:43:18.100 --> 00:43:20.860
And then when, like right now I'm in a relationship

731
00:43:20.860 --> 00:43:22.860
and I, you know, I messaged you a few days ago

732
00:43:22.860 --> 00:43:26.340
and it's like, okay, this isn't the fantasy,

733
00:43:26.340 --> 00:43:28.060
but maybe this is what,

734
00:43:28.060 --> 00:43:30.820
and I get in my head sometimes about,

735
00:43:30.820 --> 00:43:35.020
well, this feels real, but what's, or, you know,

736
00:43:35.020 --> 00:43:37.180
so I'm constantly looking for,

737
00:43:37.180 --> 00:43:38.300
well not, you know, constantly,

738
00:43:38.300 --> 00:43:41.820
but I'm looking for that validation of, you know, is this,

739
00:43:41.820 --> 00:43:44.500
and I don't necessarily want, sounds bad,

740
00:43:44.500 --> 00:43:48.020
but like, I don't wanna just look to God in terms of,

741
00:43:48.020 --> 00:43:50.220
because I have asked God to, you know,

742
00:43:50.220 --> 00:43:53.020
and I've used that in the past to break up with women.

743
00:43:53.020 --> 00:43:53.860
Like God, you know,

744
00:43:53.860 --> 00:43:55.860
and you've kind of blown that out of the water.

745
00:43:55.860 --> 00:43:58.620
You know, it's like, that's avoidant,

746
00:43:58.620 --> 00:43:59.460
you know what I mean?

747
00:43:59.460 --> 00:44:01.460
And that's what, that's where I tested at

748
00:44:01.460 --> 00:44:03.500
in our test a couple of months ago.

749
00:44:03.500 --> 00:44:06.100
And I went through those classes and,

750
00:44:06.100 --> 00:44:07.900
and so sometimes maybe the avoidant

751
00:44:07.900 --> 00:44:09.620
might be showing up in this relationship.

752
00:44:09.620 --> 00:44:12.780
So is there maybe like a fantasy of, you know,

753
00:44:12.780 --> 00:44:14.620
how it's supposed to be all this, you know,

754
00:44:14.620 --> 00:44:16.740
feel a certain way in a relationship

755
00:44:16.740 --> 00:44:18.660
that I could maybe deal with?

756
00:44:18.660 --> 00:44:19.620
It's a great question.

757
00:44:19.620 --> 00:44:21.860
And it's exactly what I'm trying to get across to you guys.

758
00:44:21.860 --> 00:44:24.580
So yes, that's exactly what I mean.

759
00:44:24.580 --> 00:44:26.860
So you guys, and it happens to women a lot too.

760
00:44:26.860 --> 00:44:28.940
They read books, you know, romance novels,

761
00:44:28.940 --> 00:44:30.620
they watch all these rom-coms

762
00:44:30.620 --> 00:44:33.100
and then they get this idealism

763
00:44:33.100 --> 00:44:34.940
of what it's supposed to feel like,

764
00:44:34.940 --> 00:44:35.940
what it's supposed to sound like,

765
00:44:35.940 --> 00:44:38.340
or even they hear someone else testify at church,

766
00:44:38.340 --> 00:44:40.900
get up and talk about how I just knew they were the one,

767
00:44:40.900 --> 00:44:43.060
the moment that I looked at them, right?

768
00:44:43.060 --> 00:44:44.380
And so, and then you start,

769
00:44:44.380 --> 00:44:48.620
what happens is, is you start to get tied to that, right?

770
00:44:48.620 --> 00:44:50.380
And then you may even kind of, you know,

771
00:44:50.380 --> 00:44:52.620
put more layers on it where, you know,

772
00:44:52.620 --> 00:44:55.420
because of that, you feel like God's saying to you,

773
00:44:55.420 --> 00:44:58.340
yeah, that's how it's gonna be for you too, right?

774
00:44:58.340 --> 00:44:59.220
Kind of thing.

775
00:44:59.220 --> 00:45:00.060
The problem is, is-

776
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.920
that avoidance and anxious attachment,

777
00:45:01.920 --> 00:45:04.140
they both have the same fear,

778
00:45:04.140 --> 00:45:06.040
and that is abandonment and rejection.

779
00:45:07.720 --> 00:45:10.920
Okay, you can see that it's manifesting different

780
00:45:10.920 --> 00:45:12.660
through both of those people.

781
00:45:12.660 --> 00:45:14.360
The avoidance are trying to run away,

782
00:45:14.360 --> 00:45:16.440
like you can't reject me, you can't abandon me

783
00:45:16.440 --> 00:45:18.740
if I never let you in, right?

784
00:45:18.740 --> 00:45:21.840
If I never choose you, if I never let you get close to me.

785
00:45:21.840 --> 00:45:23.960
And then the anxious are doing the exact opposite.

786
00:45:23.960 --> 00:45:25.580
You can't abandon me and reject me

787
00:45:25.580 --> 00:45:29.720
if I grab a hold of your leg and never let go, right?

788
00:45:29.720 --> 00:45:31.400
I'm gonna win you over, I'm gonna show you

789
00:45:31.400 --> 00:45:35.120
that nobody can love you the way I can love you, right?

790
00:45:35.120 --> 00:45:37.160
And then the next thing you know,

791
00:45:37.160 --> 00:45:40.600
like the show Misery, tied to a bed, got a broken leg,

792
00:45:40.600 --> 00:45:42.680
they're not going anywhere now, you got them,

793
00:45:42.680 --> 00:45:44.480
they're your captive audience, right?

794
00:45:44.480 --> 00:45:46.280
We don't want any of that.

795
00:45:46.280 --> 00:45:48.800
And then of course, there's the secure people in the middle,

796
00:45:48.800 --> 00:45:50.520
and the secure attachers are just people

797
00:45:50.520 --> 00:45:53.240
that have learned either through origin family,

798
00:45:53.240 --> 00:45:55.180
or just they had that personality type

799
00:45:55.180 --> 00:45:56.480
from the beginning of life.

800
00:45:56.480 --> 00:45:58.600
We're all born with different temperaments

801
00:45:58.680 --> 00:46:01.640
where they know that it's not the end of the world

802
00:46:01.640 --> 00:46:03.600
if someone doesn't love them back.

803
00:46:03.600 --> 00:46:05.880
These are what the secure people have down.

804
00:46:05.880 --> 00:46:08.680
They have the ability to love and to attach,

805
00:46:08.680 --> 00:46:12.080
they can deeply love you, but they also know

806
00:46:12.080 --> 00:46:14.680
that if you don't love them back, someone else will.

807
00:46:16.600 --> 00:46:18.300
That's huge, y'all, that's a gift.

808
00:46:19.200 --> 00:46:21.240
And I will tell you that the majority of people

809
00:46:21.240 --> 00:46:23.300
that I test out in my coaching,

810
00:46:23.300 --> 00:46:27.100
test out as anxious or avoidant, not secure.

811
00:46:28.100 --> 00:46:32.500
Okay, so yes, Paul, you can definitely be tied

812
00:46:32.500 --> 00:46:35.580
to this fantasy of not just, you know,

813
00:46:35.580 --> 00:46:37.940
a certain type of woman or what she looks like,

814
00:46:37.940 --> 00:46:40.740
but how you're going to feel when you meet her.

815
00:46:41.580 --> 00:46:45.180
And what being in relationship with her is going to be like,

816
00:46:45.180 --> 00:46:47.940
the level of fulfillment that you think that you might feel

817
00:46:47.940 --> 00:46:52.500
or the level of peace or safety that you might feel.

818
00:46:52.500 --> 00:46:54.420
And so that's why it's important to bring that to God

819
00:46:54.420 --> 00:46:56.500
because a lot of people will say this, they'll say,

820
00:46:56.500 --> 00:46:58.340
oh, well, if a relationship is right,

821
00:46:58.340 --> 00:46:59.540
you'll just have peace in your heart,

822
00:46:59.540 --> 00:47:00.900
you can just follow after peace.

823
00:47:00.900 --> 00:47:03.240
That's not necessarily true if you're not someone

824
00:47:03.240 --> 00:47:07.540
who would have peace just in general, you know?

825
00:47:07.540 --> 00:47:12.540
I mean, it's not, you can't, that can't be a litmus test.

826
00:47:12.540 --> 00:47:16.080
Okay, it has to be a lot of different things, okay?

827
00:47:16.080 --> 00:47:18.460
And so when we do our Symbus, and I don't think any of you

828
00:47:18.460 --> 00:47:20.340
have been in Symbus with me or you're not right now

829
00:47:20.340 --> 00:47:23.700
with a significant other, but we test on 11 different

830
00:47:23.700 --> 00:47:25.740
dynamics in that assessment.

831
00:47:25.740 --> 00:47:29.900
And one of them is, what is your relationship style?

832
00:47:29.900 --> 00:47:33.100
And those relationship styles are resolute,

833
00:47:33.100 --> 00:47:38.100
romantic, reluctant, restless, yeah, those four, okay?

834
00:47:39.420 --> 00:47:44.420
And so the romantic is actually a pretty dangerous

835
00:47:46.800 --> 00:47:49.240
relationship style because those are the people

836
00:47:49.240 --> 00:47:52.380
that usually have a lot of fantasy attached

837
00:47:52.380 --> 00:47:54.420
to what they think this needs to be like.

838
00:47:54.420 --> 00:47:56.560
And even though they're in deep infatuation

839
00:47:56.560 --> 00:47:59.140
with this person now, we all know that infatuation

840
00:47:59.140 --> 00:48:02.900
does not last, right?

841
00:48:04.960 --> 00:48:07.540
Right, so Paul, we gotta get down to the nitty gritty,

842
00:48:07.540 --> 00:48:11.140
get down to the root system of where the fear

843
00:48:11.140 --> 00:48:14.280
of abandonment and rejection started,

844
00:48:15.180 --> 00:48:17.780
in what relationships did it start,

845
00:48:17.780 --> 00:48:21.660
and what lies are you believing because of those traumas

846
00:48:21.660 --> 00:48:26.660
in those relationships, and that's kept you single, right?

847
00:48:27.220 --> 00:48:31.860
So the effects of those tethers to those lies

848
00:48:31.860 --> 00:48:33.700
are that you are still single.

849
00:48:33.700 --> 00:48:36.580
You have not ever been able to pull the trigger.

850
00:48:36.580 --> 00:48:37.660
And you guys, I wanna let you know,

851
00:48:37.660 --> 00:48:40.260
because David and I have been married for 17 years.

852
00:48:40.260 --> 00:48:42.180
The way that I felt about David, and I'm sure the way

853
00:48:42.180 --> 00:48:44.560
that he felt about me 17 years ago when we stood

854
00:48:44.560 --> 00:48:47.860
at that altar and made a covenant with each other

855
00:48:47.860 --> 00:48:50.980
is very vastly different today.

856
00:48:52.060 --> 00:48:55.700
We didn't, we love each other way more now,

857
00:48:55.700 --> 00:48:58.900
17 years ago, than we did when we started this thing.

858
00:49:00.580 --> 00:49:03.780
And a lot of people have a really messed up perception

859
00:49:03.780 --> 00:49:06.140
that you're supposed to be, like that is the moment

860
00:49:06.140 --> 00:49:07.620
that you're gonna love the person the most

861
00:49:07.620 --> 00:49:09.900
when you commit your life to them.

862
00:49:09.900 --> 00:49:14.220
That's just the beginning, okay?

863
00:49:14.220 --> 00:49:16.860
The more that you choose that person over and over

864
00:49:16.860 --> 00:49:19.460
and over again, every day choosing that person,

865
00:49:19.460 --> 00:49:21.780
choosing the life that you're building together,

866
00:49:21.780 --> 00:49:24.980
choosing to stand by each other through all the better

867
00:49:24.980 --> 00:49:28.060
and worse, rich or poor, and the joy and the good times

868
00:49:28.060 --> 00:49:30.420
and all the things, that is what will continue

869
00:49:30.420 --> 00:49:33.180
to allow those roots of love to go deeper and deeper

870
00:49:33.180 --> 00:49:34.820
and deeper and deeper.

871
00:49:34.820 --> 00:49:37.980
And you're gonna hit rocks, and you're gonna hit traumas,

872
00:49:37.980 --> 00:49:39.740
and people are gonna get massively triggered

873
00:49:39.740 --> 00:49:41.940
in relationship depending on what kind of backgrounds

874
00:49:41.940 --> 00:49:45.180
they've come from, as you try to take that relationship

875
00:49:45.180 --> 00:49:48.280
from superficial to supernatural.

876
00:49:49.700 --> 00:49:50.660
Okay?

877
00:49:50.660 --> 00:49:52.420
And then of course, add in the children

878
00:49:52.420 --> 00:49:54.900
and all the different things, and there's gonna be

879
00:49:54.900 --> 00:49:59.540
all kinds of potential to go into deeper and deeper

880
00:49:59.540 --> 00:50:00.380
and deeper.

881
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:11.440
Yeah. One of the strongest principles, guys, in a relationship, and especially for men,

882
00:50:11.440 --> 00:50:21.400
is the keep showing up principle, which, you know, we can never get to the point where

883
00:50:21.400 --> 00:50:25.040
we just don't want to show up anymore. But the keep showing up principle, regardless

884
00:50:25.040 --> 00:50:31.800
of whether you're doing it right, doing it wrong, that kind of thing is very important

885
00:50:31.800 --> 00:50:40.600
to relationship and just even presenting yourself as the best man or the best guy for the job

886
00:50:40.600 --> 00:50:47.800
of husband. So, yeah, it's important. And I want to encourage you guys just to be honest

887
00:50:47.800 --> 00:50:51.960
with women that you're, you know, getting to know and dating, just, you know, vulnerability

888
00:50:51.960 --> 00:50:56.240
once again leads to connection. I'm not saying that you spill all your dirty laundry out

889
00:50:56.240 --> 00:51:01.600
on the table, but Paul, you know, you're in a exclusive relationship and that's level

890
00:51:01.600 --> 00:51:08.320
three exclusivity, dating towards marriage. I really want to encourage you to share with

891
00:51:08.320 --> 00:51:16.000
this woman, you know, what you're afraid of. Okay. It's important to open up.

892
00:51:16.240 --> 00:51:21.600
Yeah. So we're starting, I don't know if you are familiar with eight dates, the Gottman,

893
00:51:22.560 --> 00:51:26.880
we're starting chat. We're going to start going through these questions and God bless America.

894
00:51:26.880 --> 00:51:31.280
There's like 99 questions on trust and commitment that we're going to go through in a few days.

895
00:51:31.920 --> 00:51:41.280
And I'm just like, and most, I mean, they're yes or no, or let's talk about it. And I could feel

896
00:51:41.360 --> 00:51:46.960
from her, you know, anxious pursuer, like she wants to know how committed I am to her. And I

897
00:51:46.960 --> 00:51:52.240
have this battle in me, like, cause I'm committed to be like, I love what David just said. I'm

898
00:51:52.240 --> 00:51:57.840
committed to show up committed to, I, you know, we see each other a couple of times a week,

899
00:51:57.840 --> 00:52:02.640
you know we, you know, I'm committed, but I'm not committed to marrying this woman.

900
00:52:02.640 --> 00:52:08.240
And I don't know, I just have to like be honest and vulnerable with that. And I don't want to

901
00:52:08.240 --> 00:52:13.840
trigger or, you know, cause her to feel even, you know, trigger that anxious side of her. So.

902
00:52:14.560 --> 00:52:18.400
No, you don't, but you have to be honest about where you are because I'll tell you a thing about

903
00:52:18.400 --> 00:52:25.680
anxious avoidant partnerships. Okay. They're the worst kind, first of all. Okay. Cause imagine one

904
00:52:25.680 --> 00:52:30.560
person chasing and the other person literally running away. Okay. And so that is what's

905
00:52:30.560 --> 00:52:37.520
happening here. Okay. And so that being said, it's important for you to be honest with her

906
00:52:37.520 --> 00:52:42.640
about where you are. Okay. Not taking any hope away from her of where you could be,

907
00:52:42.640 --> 00:52:48.320
but about where you are, because if you don't say it, she'll fill in the blank herself.

908
00:52:49.520 --> 00:52:55.360
Okay. She'll, this is what anxious people do when, when it's not being, when it's not being

909
00:52:55.360 --> 00:53:00.560
talked about and communicated, then they tell themselves the story that they have to,

910
00:53:00.560 --> 00:53:07.600
to make themselves feel secure. Right. So just you being willing to do that thing that you're

911
00:53:07.600 --> 00:53:10.480
about to do with the, I've never heard of it before, but the thing you're about to do,

912
00:53:10.480 --> 00:53:16.320
I'll look it up. So I know what you're talking about, but that not again, eight dates,

913
00:53:16.320 --> 00:53:22.240
eight dates. I can put it in the chat. Eight dates and Judd got the Gottman.

914
00:53:23.120 --> 00:53:26.320
Um, written by their daughter, Julie.

915
00:53:27.920 --> 00:53:35.920
So just willing to do that with her, unless you put a, unless you, you know, unless you preempt

916
00:53:35.920 --> 00:53:41.760
that with, you know, discussion, she's going to tell herself that he loves me. He's going to marry

917
00:53:41.760 --> 00:53:48.160
me. This is what we're doing, you know? Okay. So if you don't want that takeaway, then you have to

918
00:53:48.160 --> 00:53:54.000
say to her, Hey, I'm willing to do this in order to get closer in relationship to find out, you

919
00:53:54.000 --> 00:54:01.440
know, where this relationship can and is going to go. Because if you don't say that in full

920
00:54:01.440 --> 00:54:07.040
vulnerability and transparency, once again, she's going to add her own narrative to it.

921
00:54:08.080 --> 00:54:12.480
And then if you do that with her and you decide, Oh, Hey, this woman's not for me.

922
00:54:12.480 --> 00:54:17.520
Then she's really going to be disappointed. I mean, beyond disappointment. And then Abraham,

923
00:54:17.520 --> 00:54:23.280
I want to tell you this and you guys, this is important for all of you, but hurt in relationship,

924
00:54:23.280 --> 00:54:27.840
healed in relationship. Those are tenants of the heartwork hurt and family healed in family.

925
00:54:27.840 --> 00:54:33.200
And remember, Abram loves his mom and his mom loves him. And his mom's not purposely trying

926
00:54:33.200 --> 00:54:39.280
to hurt him. She's just giving him what she has, right? You can't give someone what you don't have

927
00:54:39.280 --> 00:54:48.000
to give. Okay. But Abram absolutely should not marry a woman like his mother. He should marry

928
00:54:48.000 --> 00:54:55.520
a woman. Who's the law of kindness is in her tongue, right? A woman who is kind and supportive,

929
00:54:56.480 --> 00:54:59.840
you know, a woman who uses, who understands that a Y.

930
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:08.080
woman builds her house with her words. I have a question. Yeah. So you know you say

931
00:55:08.080 --> 00:55:13.920
that you should let a woman know where she stands with you and like where this

932
00:55:13.920 --> 00:55:19.000
is going. When is a good time to do that? Not where this is going because you

933
00:55:19.000 --> 00:55:22.960
don't know where it's going but you have to tell her what your motivations are

934
00:55:22.960 --> 00:55:27.760
for even being in the relationship and where you are right now in the

935
00:55:27.760 --> 00:55:33.120
relationship. You guys, if you don't know where you are, women will

936
00:55:33.120 --> 00:55:39.520
add their own narrative to it. They will decide where you are. Okay. When would

937
00:55:39.520 --> 00:55:44.040
you know? I would also rephrase that a little bit Joseph too because the

938
00:55:44.040 --> 00:55:48.320
words that you said exactly and I don't want to be nitpicky but it's important

939
00:55:48.320 --> 00:55:55.480
that I think this is a difference because you said where she is with you. I

940
00:55:55.480 --> 00:56:00.320
think probably what you should probably turn that around to be is where you are

941
00:56:00.320 --> 00:56:06.680
at with regard to the relationship because you can't you know you're going

942
00:56:06.680 --> 00:56:11.680
to put her in a sort of defensive situation like oh this is what I think

943
00:56:11.680 --> 00:56:16.080
about you. No. The relationship has to do with where you are at in the

944
00:56:16.080 --> 00:56:21.280
relationship. Right. Well when I was dating David and he was my next-door

945
00:56:21.400 --> 00:56:25.400
neighbor, you know we were friends for months and months. Okay. Next-door

946
00:56:25.400 --> 00:56:29.360
neighbors. Our children were good friends but then when he expressed romantic

947
00:56:29.360 --> 00:56:34.320
interest in me, that's high stakes you guys. That's immediately high stakes. Why?

948
00:56:34.320 --> 00:56:39.400
Because we live next door to each other and our children are in the mix. Our

949
00:56:39.400 --> 00:56:44.960
children know each other and of course our children know that we're now like

950
00:56:44.960 --> 00:56:50.560
romantically dating and so very quickly when it turned romantic from friendship,

951
00:56:50.760 --> 00:56:57.400
I asked him what his intentions were. I said to him and you won't have a woman

952
00:56:57.400 --> 00:57:03.160
who is not going to have and you're not always going to have a woman who is this

953
00:57:03.160 --> 00:57:07.720
you know just plain like not playing mind games, not trying to find out

954
00:57:07.720 --> 00:57:11.640
through some kind of subversive or manipulative way how you feel about her.

955
00:57:11.640 --> 00:57:18.200
I just simply said to David, hey you know obviously that I'm a single mom and you

956
00:57:18.200 --> 00:57:23.120
know I'm not interested in taking my child down a road you know where this is

957
00:57:23.120 --> 00:57:26.960
not going to turn into a relationship. You know I'm not I'm out of my

958
00:57:26.960 --> 00:57:30.320
girlfriend era. I'm not going to be anyone's girlfriend so I need to know

959
00:57:30.320 --> 00:57:36.360
you know what what are your intentions towards me and he said my intention is

960
00:57:36.360 --> 00:57:43.360
to is to continue a relationship with you because I I want to marry you. He

961
00:57:43.360 --> 00:57:46.760
wasn't asking me to marry him. He was telling me that he was marriage minded

962
00:57:46.760 --> 00:57:52.200
and that was his full intention in taking this from friendship to romance.

963
00:57:52.200 --> 00:57:56.240
Okay and that was enough for me at the moment. I didn't need to know when, I

964
00:57:56.240 --> 00:58:00.400
didn't know where, I didn't need to know you know how. I just needed to know that

965
00:58:00.400 --> 00:58:06.280
we were on the same page and so you got to give a woman that okay especially a

966
00:58:06.280 --> 00:58:13.840
woman who is not young. So all you millennial guys for sure. Now Joseph's a

967
00:58:13.840 --> 00:58:18.800
little bit younger. He's just still in his 20s and so Joseph it's important for

968
00:58:18.800 --> 00:58:23.520
you to tell girls when you're meeting them whether it's this girl that you're

969
00:58:23.520 --> 00:58:29.440
talking about and referring to or any girl where are you in your life? Where

970
00:58:29.440 --> 00:58:33.160
are you in your life? You're only like what 24? Not that 24 year olds can't get

971
00:58:33.160 --> 00:58:37.560
married but you have to tell them where you are when you're meeting them. You

972
00:58:37.560 --> 00:58:41.080
have to make sure that when you're dating them specifically that you're

973
00:58:41.120 --> 00:58:44.760
letting them know my son does this really well and I'm so proud of him. He's

974
00:58:44.760 --> 00:58:49.400
28 years old. He lets girls know he's not a player. He's not trying to date a

975
00:58:49.400 --> 00:58:53.680
whole bunch of girls. In fact you know for whatever it's worth my son

976
00:58:53.680 --> 00:58:57.440
hasn't even been romantically involved with a girl as far as like physically

977
00:58:57.440 --> 00:59:01.680
romantic, kissed a girl, done any of that because not because he's waiting to get

978
00:59:01.680 --> 00:59:05.040
married to have a kiss. He just hasn't really met anyone that he really likes

979
00:59:05.040 --> 00:59:09.720
to that level and so he's very clear and he better be as our child because we've

980
00:59:09.720 --> 00:59:13.760
taught him to be clear about what his intentions are. My intentions are to get

981
00:59:13.760 --> 00:59:18.680
to know you. My intentions are to honor and respect you. My intentions are to see

982
00:59:18.680 --> 00:59:23.760
if there's anything between us more than friendship as we get to know each other.

983
00:59:23.760 --> 00:59:28.400
You know he takes the lead and Joseph that's where you have to be at this

984
00:59:28.400 --> 00:59:33.840
season of your life. You have to take the lead with girls okay. You can't be swayed

985
00:59:33.840 --> 00:59:37.960
by their beauty or by their sexuality. You have to get honest about where am I

986
00:59:37.960 --> 00:59:43.840
at right now in my life. What do I want? What do I have to give realistically to

987
00:59:43.840 --> 00:59:48.480
a relationship? Am I ready for marriage? No. Then I'm not going to get into

988
00:59:48.480 --> 00:59:57.720
marriage-minded relationships. I guess you know my bad thinking from you know

989
00:59:57.720 --> 01:00:01.520
learning to be a player I guess.

990
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:08.960
since a kid was like to always like kind of keep things a mystery. And I guess I'm being

991
01:00:08.960 --> 01:00:14.960
vulnerable here because I think this is wrong. But to keep things a mystery so you know the

992
01:00:14.960 --> 01:00:19.760
girls always like wondering about you and like you know trying to figure out you know where do

993
01:00:19.760 --> 01:00:26.240
you stand with her and stuff like that and which creates attraction. It's kind of like what I've

994
01:00:26.240 --> 01:00:33.200
learned and picked up. Well first of all let's I want to I want I want us to say this it doesn't

995
01:00:33.200 --> 01:00:42.400
create attraction okay it actually creates fear. Okay in a woman that creates fear and if you

996
01:00:42.400 --> 01:00:46.800
attract an anxiously attached woman which it sounds like those are the ones that are mostly

997
01:00:46.800 --> 01:00:54.400
attracted to you. That is like they can't that's like catnip they can't they can't resist it

998
01:00:55.200 --> 01:00:58.320
okay they can't resist it and I'll tell you why and it's very sad.

999
01:00:59.680 --> 01:01:04.560
For the most part when anxious attachers go after someone who continues to kind of

1000
01:01:04.560 --> 01:01:10.080
you know pull back pull away you know come back pull away which it sounds like that's a pattern

1001
01:01:10.080 --> 01:01:15.840
here Joseph. The reason why that that person some some won't they'll just cut loose and be like

1002
01:01:15.840 --> 01:01:21.280
whatever bro I'm done okay but some will continue to do that make up and break up make up and break

1003
01:01:21.280 --> 01:01:29.120
up with you and the reason why is because they have deep trauma and being able to secure your

1004
01:01:29.120 --> 01:01:35.200
love is what is going to tell them that they're worthy. So when you give them a little crumb of

1005
01:01:35.200 --> 01:01:41.760
hope that that's that's like crap they can't they can't resist it they're going to keep coming back

1006
01:01:41.760 --> 01:01:46.480
for more and more and more even though you pull away afterwards. Are you familiar with you guys

1007
01:01:46.480 --> 01:01:50.960
familiar with the mouse study? It's really it's really it's it's very sadistic and I wish

1008
01:01:50.960 --> 01:01:55.280
scientists wouldn't do this but I read it it broke my heart even though I don't really like mice that

1009
01:01:55.280 --> 01:02:01.920
much but they put mice in water and you know in water obviously that they can't get out of they

1010
01:02:01.920 --> 01:02:07.360
put them in a container where they could not escape and they watched them and pretty quickly

1011
01:02:07.360 --> 01:02:12.800
they just gave up and drowned. That's it. Let's put them in the water and they couldn't get out

1012
01:02:12.800 --> 01:02:16.480
they tried to get out and after a few minutes of trying to get out they just gave up and drowned.

1013
01:02:16.480 --> 01:02:22.960
Okay great so then they put another batch of mice in the water and this time right before they

1014
01:02:22.960 --> 01:02:26.560
watched them and they did the same thing they tried to get out they tried to figure it out

1015
01:02:26.560 --> 01:02:32.480
but when they didn't weren't able to give up get out right before they were about to give it up

1016
01:02:32.480 --> 01:02:37.920
and drown they pulled them out they dried them off they let them rest for a while they gave them a

1017
01:02:37.920 --> 01:02:45.680
snack okay gave them some food and then after they rested for a while they put them back in the water

1018
01:02:46.560 --> 01:02:50.800
and this time those same mice that would have given up within the first five minutes

1019
01:02:51.440 --> 01:03:01.040
they swam for I think it was 60 hours. Y'all that makes me want to cry and you know why?

1020
01:03:01.040 --> 01:03:08.320
Because it was imprinted on them hope it was imprinted on them that there was going to be a

1021
01:03:08.320 --> 01:03:17.760
rescue and this is what happens when we breadcrumb people okay we breadcrumb people right before

1022
01:03:17.760 --> 01:03:22.400
they're about to fully just give up they're just going to give up on the relationship you know

1023
01:03:22.400 --> 01:03:28.880
there's nothing they can do they're devastated whatever you give them a crumb and for whatever

1024
01:03:28.880 --> 01:03:37.120
reason that person's temperament and their exact trauma makeup causes them to hold on and hold on

1025
01:03:37.120 --> 01:03:43.680
and hold on because you gave them a crumb okay because you gave them a little crumb of hope

1026
01:03:44.720 --> 01:03:51.440
and you guys that becomes very dysfunctional okay and this is what we call at some level

1027
01:03:51.440 --> 01:03:59.040
codependency right and so it's really important that we make sure that we understand if we are

1028
01:03:59.040 --> 01:04:04.000
the person the anxious attacher that keeps you know grabbing the crumb from the person

1029
01:04:04.800 --> 01:04:09.120
who isn't willing to give us their heart they're not willing to make a commitment to us and right

1030
01:04:09.120 --> 01:04:14.560
when we're about to give up and move on you know they they throw us a line and then we just do it

1031
01:04:14.560 --> 01:04:21.680
again so if you are that person or if you're the person that continues to crumb people right when

1032
01:04:21.680 --> 01:04:26.720
they're about to move on with their lives to something you know sustainable then we have to

1033
01:04:26.720 --> 01:04:34.080
this is where confession comes in and this is where soul ties can be broken okay super important

1034
01:04:36.400 --> 01:04:40.800
super super important and you guys this doesn't have to just be romantic this can be in friendship

1035
01:04:40.800 --> 01:04:46.480
this could be with a parent you could have a parental relationship like this whether you're

1036
01:04:46.480 --> 01:04:51.200
the parent or your parent is the parent where they're constantly pushing pushing pushing you

1037
01:04:51.200 --> 01:04:56.000
away and then when you're just like fine and then you stop talking to them for a couple weeks because

1038
01:04:56.000 --> 01:05:00.000
they push you away then they're like where you at they give you a little

1039
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.440
a little tug of hope, right?

1040
01:05:03.440 --> 01:05:04.440
They have a hook.

1041
01:05:04.440 --> 01:05:05.500
They throw out a fishing line.

1042
01:05:05.500 --> 01:05:07.800
They try to get you to pay attention again.

1043
01:05:07.800 --> 01:05:10.220
They give you what we call a bid for attention.

1044
01:05:13.440 --> 01:05:15.520
And you might be like, what should we do in that situation?

1045
01:05:15.520 --> 01:05:17.700
Especially if it's someone that we can't burn a bridge with

1046
01:05:17.700 --> 01:05:19.820
because they're our parent or our child.

1047
01:05:19.820 --> 01:05:22.360
You have a real honest conversation with them

1048
01:05:22.360 --> 01:05:26.080
and let them know that these are dysfunctional cycles

1049
01:05:26.080 --> 01:05:27.480
and that you don't wanna be in them.

1050
01:05:27.480 --> 01:05:28.440
And you know what that's called?

1051
01:05:28.440 --> 01:05:33.200
That's called setting a boundary, okay?

1052
01:05:33.200 --> 01:05:35.920
And you can do it very honorably, very respectfully.

1053
01:05:35.920 --> 01:05:37.320
It doesn't have to be accusatory.

1054
01:05:37.320 --> 01:05:40.480
It doesn't have to be drama filled.

1055
01:05:40.480 --> 01:05:42.420
It can just be matter of fact.

1056
01:05:44.680 --> 01:05:48.240
But this is how we cut soul ties, you guys, all right?

1057
01:05:48.240 --> 01:05:49.880
You can do it with your employer.

1058
01:05:51.000 --> 01:05:52.520
You can do it with a whole lot of people

1059
01:05:52.520 --> 01:05:54.760
if you find yourself in these cycles

1060
01:05:54.760 --> 01:05:57.400
because you don't wanna stay there, right?

1061
01:05:57.400 --> 01:05:58.440
We're about at 8.07.

1062
01:05:58.440 --> 01:06:00.280
We have about eight more minutes.

1063
01:06:00.280 --> 01:06:02.080
So any other questions that we have

1064
01:06:02.080 --> 01:06:03.320
about anything that we've covered

1065
01:06:03.320 --> 01:06:05.560
or anything we haven't covered before we end?

1066
01:06:10.080 --> 01:06:11.040
My mom's blonde.

1067
01:06:11.040 --> 01:06:12.000
I like brunettes.

1068
01:06:15.880 --> 01:06:17.640
Okay, well, that's good.

1069
01:06:17.640 --> 01:06:19.200
But I mean, it goes beyond that.

1070
01:06:19.200 --> 01:06:23.120
You need a different temperament too, right?

1071
01:06:23.120 --> 01:06:25.160
Because that's gonna be very healing for you.

1072
01:06:25.160 --> 01:06:27.560
All right, what advice would you have for a man, me,

1073
01:06:27.560 --> 01:06:28.800
who is naive when it comes

1074
01:06:28.800 --> 01:06:30.960
to social interactions, relationships,

1075
01:06:30.960 --> 01:06:33.320
past history, unsuccessful relationships,

1076
01:06:33.320 --> 01:06:37.000
ineptness, dumbness, obliviousness to social cues?

1077
01:06:38.080 --> 01:06:40.600
I think you need to be honest about that.

1078
01:06:40.600 --> 01:06:42.640
If you're getting to know someone

1079
01:06:42.640 --> 01:06:44.760
and you know that that's your history, okay,

1080
01:06:44.760 --> 01:06:46.320
that's your Achilles heel,

1081
01:06:46.320 --> 01:06:48.400
then you need to just be honest about that.

1082
01:06:48.400 --> 01:06:52.360
It can be very lighthearted and casual conversation,

1083
01:06:52.360 --> 01:06:53.720
especially if you really like the girl

1084
01:06:53.720 --> 01:06:55.920
and you think that you wanna get to know her.

1085
01:06:55.920 --> 01:06:57.720
You could just say, hey, by the way,

1086
01:06:57.720 --> 01:07:00.920
I don't always pick up on social cues really well.

1087
01:07:00.920 --> 01:07:04.520
So, you might have to be blunt.

1088
01:07:04.520 --> 01:07:06.640
You might have to make it really clear.

1089
01:07:06.640 --> 01:07:08.640
You know, my son's like that.

1090
01:07:08.640 --> 01:07:10.160
Jerry came home in sixth grade

1091
01:07:10.160 --> 01:07:11.760
and told us that he had autism.

1092
01:07:11.760 --> 01:07:13.360
They had an autism awareness day

1093
01:07:13.360 --> 01:07:14.520
and he came home and said,

1094
01:07:14.520 --> 01:07:16.120
mom, dad, I'm on the spectrum.

1095
01:07:16.120 --> 01:07:17.160
And we're like, what?

1096
01:07:18.360 --> 01:07:20.720
And he just, the main thing was that,

1097
01:07:20.720 --> 01:07:22.520
the whole social cues thing.

1098
01:07:22.520 --> 01:07:23.760
He knew that he was like that

1099
01:07:23.760 --> 01:07:25.640
and he just really aligned with that

1100
01:07:25.640 --> 01:07:27.480
and thought that that meant, you know.

1101
01:07:27.480 --> 01:07:29.200
And what I have to say about that

1102
01:07:29.200 --> 01:07:30.960
is I think that autism is a new thing

1103
01:07:30.960 --> 01:07:32.640
that they're talking about and all the things,

1104
01:07:32.640 --> 01:07:35.160
but I think all of us interact differently.

1105
01:07:36.200 --> 01:07:38.320
You know, we all have different things

1106
01:07:38.320 --> 01:07:42.600
that cause us, that are barriers to connection

1107
01:07:42.600 --> 01:07:44.800
and they can be if we let them

1108
01:07:44.800 --> 01:07:46.960
or they can be beautiful things.

1109
01:07:46.960 --> 01:07:48.920
And so, we need to understand that

1110
01:07:48.920 --> 01:07:50.880
just because you don't connect

1111
01:07:50.880 --> 01:07:52.320
or you don't resonate with something

1112
01:07:53.000 --> 01:07:55.200
that someone else is resonating with,

1113
01:07:55.200 --> 01:07:57.600
doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you.

1114
01:07:57.600 --> 01:08:00.960
So, Joshua, for sure, make sure that you share that,

1115
01:08:00.960 --> 01:08:04.720
like, hey, I don't always pick up on social cues.

1116
01:08:04.720 --> 01:08:06.960
You know, I don't always, you know,

1117
01:08:06.960 --> 01:08:10.600
sometimes I'm really, you know,

1118
01:08:10.600 --> 01:08:11.840
kind of a dunce in that area.

1119
01:08:11.840 --> 01:08:13.120
Like, I don't get it.

1120
01:08:13.120 --> 01:08:14.320
I don't get it.

1121
01:08:14.320 --> 01:08:16.760
So, you know, feel free to be blunt.

1122
01:08:16.760 --> 01:08:18.800
Feel free to be direct.

1123
01:08:18.800 --> 01:08:21.520
Give someone permission to be a direct communicator.

1124
01:08:21.520 --> 01:08:23.080
Because you guys, I will tell you about women.

1125
01:08:23.080 --> 01:08:25.359
A lot of times women, they just think

1126
01:08:25.359 --> 01:08:29.000
that you're supposed to read their mind, right?

1127
01:08:29.000 --> 01:08:30.720
They think that they're gonna like lay down

1128
01:08:30.720 --> 01:08:32.359
all of these clues.

1129
01:08:32.359 --> 01:08:35.840
Like it's some, you know, episode of Monk

1130
01:08:35.840 --> 01:08:38.479
and you're supposed to figure it out, you know?

1131
01:08:38.479 --> 01:08:40.120
And it's just not true.

1132
01:08:41.080 --> 01:08:42.520
And I try to teach women that

1133
01:08:42.520 --> 01:08:43.720
because I used to be like that too.

1134
01:08:43.720 --> 01:08:45.359
I think it's like the feminine mystique.

1135
01:08:45.359 --> 01:08:47.160
Like, you know, we want to know

1136
01:08:47.160 --> 01:08:49.000
that you know us that well,

1137
01:08:49.000 --> 01:08:50.920
that you know exactly what we're thinking

1138
01:08:50.920 --> 01:08:51.880
or what we want.

1139
01:08:51.880 --> 01:08:53.800
But we have to learn how to communicate.

1140
01:08:53.800 --> 01:08:56.319
And so Joshua, you will have to invite any woman

1141
01:08:56.319 --> 01:08:58.960
that you're interested in to be a communicator.

1142
01:09:00.800 --> 01:09:03.240
Use your word, not your body language.

1143
01:09:04.560 --> 01:09:07.680
To me, the key thing that I'm picking up

1144
01:09:07.680 --> 01:09:10.120
and not even in my own question,

1145
01:09:10.120 --> 01:09:12.600
but in the other questions that were asked

1146
01:09:12.600 --> 01:09:14.479
was communication is key.

1147
01:09:17.359 --> 01:09:18.200
Yeah.

1148
01:09:18.200 --> 01:09:19.040
You got it.

1149
01:09:19.040 --> 01:09:20.279
And vulnerable communication.

1150
01:09:21.000 --> 01:09:22.560
Don't be afraid to be vulnerable.

1151
01:09:22.560 --> 01:09:24.560
Don't be afraid to admit to someone

1152
01:09:24.560 --> 01:09:26.439
that you don't have it all together.

1153
01:09:26.439 --> 01:09:28.240
That doesn't mean that you sit down once again

1154
01:09:28.240 --> 01:09:30.279
and lay out all of your problems

1155
01:09:30.279 --> 01:09:31.880
and air your dirty laundry,

1156
01:09:31.880 --> 01:09:34.640
but don't be afraid to, you know,

1157
01:09:34.640 --> 01:09:37.560
show them that there's a man behind the cape.

1158
01:09:37.560 --> 01:09:38.399
A human man.

1159
01:09:40.200 --> 01:09:41.680
In fact, women like that,

1160
01:09:41.680 --> 01:09:42.920
I'm just gonna tell you,

1161
01:09:42.920 --> 01:09:46.439
women are definitely attracted to emotionally available men.

1162
01:09:48.800 --> 01:09:49.960
Okay, what else we got?

1163
01:09:51.240 --> 01:09:53.760
It's akin to when a guy posts a picture,

1164
01:09:53.760 --> 01:09:55.600
profile picture, what's on Facebook

1165
01:09:55.600 --> 01:09:57.920
or some sort of social site or whatever.

1166
01:09:57.920 --> 01:09:59.120
And he's like, oh, like.

1167
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.320
Yeah, you know, like all tough and everything.

1168
01:10:02.320 --> 01:10:04.280
Like, yeah, I'm a man, everything.

1169
01:10:04.280 --> 01:10:06.120
And that's like all the women in our community.

1170
01:10:06.120 --> 01:10:08.160
Like is why isn't he smiling?

1171
01:10:08.160 --> 01:10:09.360
He's so mean.

1172
01:10:09.360 --> 01:10:10.400
Like, that's terrible.

1173
01:10:10.400 --> 01:10:12.360
They're not attracted to that at all.

1174
01:10:12.360 --> 01:10:15.080
Although we think that's tough.

1175
01:10:15.080 --> 01:10:18.000
It ain't happening.

1176
01:10:18.000 --> 01:10:21.440
Hey, Jackie, can I ask a question before we go?

1177
01:10:21.440 --> 01:10:22.240
Yeah.

1178
01:10:22.240 --> 01:10:27.160
So I've been navigating the soul tie, letting go soul ties

1179
01:10:27.160 --> 01:10:29.880
that you have already articulated.

1180
01:10:29.880 --> 01:10:32.440
So I've done the inner work.

1181
01:10:32.440 --> 01:10:37.920
I'm working through forgiveness, healthy boundaries,

1182
01:10:37.920 --> 01:10:39.920
whatever else you've talked about.

1183
01:10:39.920 --> 01:10:42.880
And I think you touched on this at a session recently.

1184
01:10:42.880 --> 01:10:44.920
So I have a decent idea.

1185
01:10:44.920 --> 01:10:47.480
Like when do you know you're ready to move forward

1186
01:10:47.480 --> 01:10:51.800
in relationship, like a new relationship,

1187
01:10:51.800 --> 01:10:54.560
relative to letting go of those soul ties

1188
01:10:54.560 --> 01:10:56.120
or breaking those soul ties?

1189
01:10:56.120 --> 01:10:58.000
At what point do you know you're ready to go?

1190
01:10:58.000 --> 01:11:00.520
I think you've dropped some clues in a recent talk,

1191
01:11:00.520 --> 01:11:04.120
but I'd be interested in hearing more about when

1192
01:11:04.120 --> 01:11:06.640
you know you're ready.

1193
01:11:06.640 --> 01:11:08.440
OK, so let me clarify.

1194
01:11:08.440 --> 01:11:12.720
So when do you know you're ready to like leave a relationship?

1195
01:11:12.720 --> 01:11:13.480
Oh, sorry.

1196
01:11:13.480 --> 01:11:15.040
Start a new one as you're letting

1197
01:11:15.040 --> 01:11:16.960
go of the old soul ties.

1198
01:11:16.960 --> 01:11:17.840
OK.

1199
01:11:17.840 --> 01:11:22.160
So once again, we're hurt in relationship,

1200
01:11:22.160 --> 01:11:23.680
healed in relationship.

1201
01:11:23.680 --> 01:11:27.280
So there is going to be elements of healing in your heart

1202
01:11:27.280 --> 01:11:30.960
that are only going to come from the same type of relationship

1203
01:11:30.960 --> 01:11:33.640
where there was the damage came from, right?

1204
01:11:33.640 --> 01:11:35.600
And so the way that you know that you're ready

1205
01:11:35.600 --> 01:11:38.280
is that you have done all the healing

1206
01:11:38.280 --> 01:11:43.440
that you can do outside of that to your knowledge, OK?

1207
01:11:43.440 --> 01:11:46.040
You weren't out dating.

1208
01:11:46.040 --> 01:11:47.600
You were healing, OK?

1209
01:11:47.600 --> 01:11:49.000
You weren't just trying to rebound.

1210
01:11:49.000 --> 01:11:50.320
You were healing.

1211
01:11:50.320 --> 01:11:53.520
You were taking time aside to really deal with your stuff,

1212
01:11:53.520 --> 01:11:56.640
especially if you have noticeable patterns, guys.

1213
01:11:56.640 --> 01:11:58.120
If you have noticeable patterns, you

1214
01:11:58.120 --> 01:11:59.840
can look back at all your relationships,

1215
01:11:59.840 --> 01:12:03.760
platonic and romantic, and you can see patterns.

1216
01:12:03.760 --> 01:12:06.880
You have to deal with those patterns before you do it again.

1217
01:12:06.880 --> 01:12:08.400
Now, once again, you're going to have

1218
01:12:08.400 --> 01:12:11.240
to try it out in the real world in a new relationship.

1219
01:12:11.240 --> 01:12:15.720
But you want to make sure that you do what you can do before that.

1220
01:12:15.720 --> 01:12:17.320
And so my best advice is that when

1221
01:12:17.320 --> 01:12:19.600
you know that you've addressed your patterns

1222
01:12:19.600 --> 01:12:22.040
and the underlying reasons for them,

1223
01:12:22.040 --> 01:12:24.040
and here's the other thing.

1224
01:12:24.040 --> 01:12:29.120
And your heart is excited, OK, and open.

1225
01:12:29.120 --> 01:12:30.800
I always tell my ladies, don't do anything

1226
01:12:30.800 --> 01:12:34.280
that doesn't bring you joy.

1227
01:12:34.280 --> 01:12:36.880
If the thought of meeting someone

1228
01:12:36.880 --> 01:12:39.840
is an exciting and happy thought, then you're ready.

1229
01:12:43.640 --> 01:12:44.520
That's really good.

1230
01:12:44.520 --> 01:12:45.520
Thank you.

1231
01:12:45.520 --> 01:12:48.240
You're welcome.

1232
01:12:48.240 --> 01:12:48.720
Right.

1233
01:12:48.720 --> 01:12:51.200
You guys, I want to remind you that we're

1234
01:12:51.200 --> 01:12:53.000
going to be onboarding all of our ladies

1235
01:12:53.000 --> 01:12:55.800
onto the app, the ones that are in phase 3.

1236
01:12:55.800 --> 01:12:58.200
Just so you know, guys, we have phase 1, 2, and 3 women.

1237
01:12:58.200 --> 01:13:00.800
We have lots of women.

1238
01:13:00.800 --> 01:13:03.600
There's no doubt in my mind that some of your future spirit

1239
01:13:03.600 --> 01:13:05.800
mates are in this community already.

1240
01:13:05.800 --> 01:13:08.160
And we have new women joining every day.

1241
01:13:08.160 --> 01:13:10.880
And so my job is to get you guys to a place

1242
01:13:10.880 --> 01:13:12.680
where you feel comfortable meeting them

1243
01:13:12.680 --> 01:13:16.520
and you have opportunities to meet them in person and online.

1244
01:13:16.520 --> 01:13:19.160
And so this community app is part of that.

1245
01:13:19.160 --> 01:13:21.120
And this is just the first stage where we get you

1246
01:13:21.120 --> 01:13:23.320
in the place where you don't have to be on Facebook

1247
01:13:23.320 --> 01:13:24.640
to access your curriculum.

1248
01:13:24.640 --> 01:13:26.720
All of you guys are always like, where's the link?

1249
01:13:26.720 --> 01:13:28.000
This is going to solve that.

1250
01:13:28.000 --> 01:13:31.200
Because in the men's group, there's a calendar there.

1251
01:13:31.200 --> 01:13:33.800
There's a what's today, here's the link.

1252
01:13:33.800 --> 01:13:36.960
There's an event calendar that has the links baked in.

1253
01:13:36.960 --> 01:13:39.320
So you look at the events, you see what's happening today,

1254
01:13:39.320 --> 01:13:40.680
then you just click the link.

1255
01:13:40.680 --> 01:13:43.680
You don't have to ask which link it is or where it is.

1256
01:13:43.680 --> 01:13:44.720
So that's all beautiful.

1257
01:13:44.720 --> 01:13:48.800
But there's also a community element to this app.

1258
01:13:48.800 --> 01:13:52.120
Single Nations moving from Facebook to the app,

1259
01:13:52.120 --> 01:13:53.600
and then you'll be able to join that.

1260
01:13:53.600 --> 01:13:55.440
It's not open yet, it will be.

1261
01:13:55.440 --> 01:13:59.400
But on the heels of that, just as soon as August,

1262
01:13:59.400 --> 01:14:02.240
we're actually opening, launching

1263
01:14:02.240 --> 01:14:05.400
our community-based matchmaking app.

1264
01:14:05.400 --> 01:14:07.280
It's a matchmaking platform.

1265
01:14:07.280 --> 01:14:08.880
You guys will be able to join what I call

1266
01:14:08.880 --> 01:14:12.040
not the data pool, but the dating pool.

1267
01:14:12.040 --> 01:14:16.000
So just like any other matchmaker database,

1268
01:14:16.000 --> 01:14:17.000
you will join it.

1269
01:14:17.000 --> 01:14:18.720
There'll be lots and lots of questions

1270
01:14:19.600 --> 01:14:23.000
that you'll answer because the algorithm will match you.

1271
01:14:23.000 --> 01:14:25.600
We have some technology that's gonna match people

1272
01:14:25.600 --> 01:14:28.080
on this platform, but then a human person,

1273
01:14:28.080 --> 01:14:31.080
whether myself or one of my matchmaking team

1274
01:14:31.080 --> 01:14:32.760
are gonna look at those matches

1275
01:14:32.760 --> 01:14:35.680
and actually sift through them for the best ones.

1276
01:14:35.680 --> 01:14:36.840
So I'm really excited about that.

1277
01:14:36.840 --> 01:14:39.800
So we have lots of stuff coming up in this community.

1278
01:14:39.800 --> 01:14:43.280
I will tell you, all the men that come into our group

1279
01:14:43.280 --> 01:14:46.320
that stay and actually do the work, all of them get married.

1280
01:14:47.040 --> 01:14:48.600
Okay?

1281
01:14:48.600 --> 01:14:50.680
All of them meet someone amazing

1282
01:14:50.680 --> 01:14:52.800
and eventually get married, okay?

1283
01:14:52.800 --> 01:14:54.320
Or, you know, get engaged

1284
01:14:54.320 --> 01:14:56.680
and then we don't hear from them again, whatever.

1285
01:14:56.680 --> 01:14:59.400
But they find someone is basically what I wanna tell you.

1286
01:14:59.400 --> 01:15:00.440
Cause there's a lot.

1287
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.920
less of you. And they don't necessarily find someone from within the community,

1288
01:15:03.920 --> 01:15:08.960
but because of the community and the coaching and the healing, they find someone. Same difference to

1289
01:15:08.960 --> 01:15:14.480
me. And so I just want to just encourage you guys with that. You might feel like you're far

1290
01:15:14.480 --> 01:15:20.160
away off from being ready for that, but you know, God, it gives us things that maybe we don't always

1291
01:15:20.160 --> 01:15:27.680
think we're ready for. And I want you to be open to that as we go forward. All right, babe, you can

1292
01:15:27.680 --> 01:15:33.200
wrap it up, honey. Awesome. Yeah. Thanks guys for being here. I want to acknowledge Abraham.

1293
01:15:33.200 --> 01:15:40.960
Was this your first heart checking? Yeah. My first one that I actually like showed up to,

1294
01:15:40.960 --> 01:15:46.560
I've watched like every video. Oh, cool. You know, like the replay is based on my schedule

1295
01:15:47.600 --> 01:15:51.120
for me to make stuff, but yeah, that's my first time live here. All right. Yeah. That's great.

1296
01:15:51.120 --> 01:15:55.280
I just want to acknowledge that and I just want to welcome you on because all the other guys have

1297
01:15:55.280 --> 01:16:00.560
been here before, at least once before. And so I just want to acknowledge that and welcome you.

1298
01:16:00.560 --> 01:16:11.680
And yeah, so this is heart check-in. We do go through the heart check-in process. We'll go to

1299
01:16:11.680 --> 01:16:17.440
heart check-in number five next week, guys. And so we do follow a little bit of a pattern, but we

1300
01:16:17.440 --> 01:16:22.720
oftentimes also break it up with just different things. And tonight it was just really good that

1301
01:16:22.720 --> 01:16:27.760
my wife is on here. Thank you for being here, babe, to really share that on soul ties. Cause

1302
01:16:27.760 --> 01:16:35.920
that's a really important concept in this whole journey. So we have Monday nights relatively open,

1303
01:16:37.200 --> 01:16:42.480
even though we do try to follow a pattern and so forth. Sometimes we'll also bring in just another

1304
01:16:42.480 --> 01:16:48.160
series of a couple of weeks of like maybe boundaries or something like that. So sometimes

1305
01:16:48.240 --> 01:16:55.840
we'll do a little bit of a series, but we kind of leave Monday nights not extremely structured

1306
01:16:55.840 --> 01:17:03.200
so that we can be flexible with it and have it open just for all guys at all levels to just

1307
01:17:03.200 --> 01:17:09.200
continually attend. Because this is kind of like the only sort of just guys only session that we

1308
01:17:09.200 --> 01:17:14.960
have is just the Monday nights just because we're a smaller crew. And so we want to have it open to

1309
01:17:14.960 --> 01:17:22.720
where we can kind of tackle a number of different subjects rather than just be so singular focus. So

1310
01:17:22.720 --> 01:17:26.800
it's more conversational, more just processing. That's really what these heart check-ins are all

1311
01:17:26.800 --> 01:17:32.240
about. So I just want to keep you informed about that. I want to encourage you to just keep working,

1312
01:17:32.240 --> 01:17:40.240
keep showing up and let God just do work in you and through you through this time. So I'll just

1313
01:17:40.240 --> 01:17:44.880
praise God. Thank you, Lord, for each one of these guys on here tonight. We bless them. We just speak

1314
01:17:44.880 --> 01:17:49.280
life over them, strength over them. We speak healing into their hearts and minds and their bodies.

1315
01:17:49.920 --> 01:17:55.520
Lord, let them just experience wins this week, Lord. I just feel that's strong that they just

1316
01:17:55.520 --> 01:18:01.120
need some wins and just to know that you see them, that you know them, that you're involved in their

1317
01:18:01.120 --> 01:18:06.960
lives. Let them just become aware of that as they're seeking you and showing up to do the

1318
01:18:06.960 --> 01:18:10.560
right thing. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. God bless, guys.