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Okay, folks, so welcome everybody to our all community path teaching tonight.

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I was super excited when Jackie and Bethany approached me about this topic.

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We are actually going to talk about, goodness gracious, I'm so sorry about the dog.

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There's somebody right outside the window, but we're going to ignore her.

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And we're going to talk about getting our houses in order.

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And we're going to start talking about finances, and it's a really hard, uncomfortable topic.

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We are not super excited always to talk about it, especially if our financial position's

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not in a good place.

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But you guys, how you navigate your finances really matters in a marriage.

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It's one of the most important topics.

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I'm going to just grab my dog real quick.

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There's just somebody right outside the window that she just feels like she needs to protect me against.

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Okay, so finances is a really important, really uncomfortable topic.

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We're going to cover what God has to say about money first, then I'm going to go kind of

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into some practical tips and tools that we're going to kind of talk about.

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Then you all are going to have some good questions that we actually share during our

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Symbus pre-marriage class that you guys are going to go into a breakout room and talk

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about.

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It is not your time to dump your financial situation on the three other people that you're

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going to be in the room with, but to just answer some questions honestly.

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And then we're going to come back together, and I'm going to go over with you at every

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level of dating.

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Level two early, level two thinking about exclusivity, early and exclusive, later and

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exclusive when you're thinking about getting engaged.

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What's the level of conversation?

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And you guys, we try to have this conversation with you all the time because sometimes y'all

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are like sharing really personal stuff really too soon.

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And your financial position and your finances, that's a really, really delicate topic.

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And some of that information is very personal.

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So we want to make sure we help you ask the right questions at all of the right stages.

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All right, so we're going to go ahead and get started.

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So I've been around people, just so you guys know too, my degree is actually in finance

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and I have done finance my whole life.

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I've been the CFO, the CEO, and I'm now the treasurer on my condo board.

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I can't get away from budget.

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They just seem to budget, seem to follow me wherever I go.

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So I do love a good Excel spreadsheet and I am going to pull up a spreadsheet to show

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you guys and I have it in a Google sheets and in Excel and that's something that we're

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going to make available to y'all as well.

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So when I talk about finances, especially in the church world, sometimes we have people

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on both ends of this extreme, right?

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I've been around people who are like letter of the law, budget, tithing, the thing, right?

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And then I've seen plenty of people are like, oh, the Lord's going to provide, the Lord's

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just going to provide, like money's just going to fall like manna from heaven.

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And y'all, I ran a nonprofit for 20 years and I had some people on my board are just

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like, well, if the Lord told us to do it, he's just going to give us the money.

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And then I had the finance people are like, oh yeah, show me the money.

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I was definitely someone in the middle of going, okay, I want to be faithful, but I

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also got to see what's in the checking account.

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So like I was always kind of toggling that.

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And that's the kind of Russell is we want to leave at, we want to lean out in faith

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with our finances, but we need to be prudent.

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And so even though Philippians 3, 19, 4, 19 says, and my God shall supply all of my

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needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

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That does not mean you get to be irresponsible with your money and the Lord is just going

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to provide that manna from heaven.

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So do not take Philippians 4, 19 out of context.

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Okay.

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And then the other thing that people always say, well, the love of, you know, that money

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is the root of all evil.

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Well, it's not.

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1 Timothy 6, 10 says the love of money is the root of all kind of evil.

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So it's that love, it's that idolatry, it's that worship, it's that fixation on money.

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That is what is the root of all evil.

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There's just so much that stems from that.

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Let me just give you some dates or some data.

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As of May, 2024, now you might be listening to this going, okay, I'm doing way better

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than the average American, or I'm not doing so good at all.

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As of May, 2024, the average American household debt is $104,000, including mortgage, auto,

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credit card, student loan, and other debts.

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This is a record high and an 11% increase from 2020 alone.

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The average American also pays 10% of their income.

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come on debt payment every single month, which is less than most of the year 2000s. As of Q4,

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the fourth quarter, so like October, November, December, those of you that don't follow quarter,

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of 2023, the average American household owed over $6,000 in credit card debt.

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According to the 2836 rule, you should spend no more than 28% of your monthly income

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on housing and no more than 36% on debt. Housing, of course, includes your mortgage,

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homeowners insurance, and private insurance. So that's just some data on some debt that we go

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into. One of the things that Jackie wanted me to talk about is the difference between a scarcity

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poverty mindset and an abundant mindset. And we're going to kind of define that a little bit,

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and I've got some scripture to kind of back up each of those. I want to make sure there's no

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other questions. Okay. What is the dinging sound? Hopefully it is done dinging. Hopefully it is

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done dinging. So a scarcity mindset, a scarcity mindset is a way of thinking that there is never

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enough money or resources and that you're always on the brink of not having enough. This mindset

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can lead to negative behaviors like hoarding, overspending, so the exact opposite, and penny

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pinching. And it can prevent you from making wise financial decisions. It can also affect your

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happiness, cause anxiety, and limit your opportunities. You know, we've even talked

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about the scarcity mindset, even when it comes to dating. Oh my gosh, there's not enough guys.

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Oh my gosh, there's not enough girls. Oh my gosh, there's nobody in my town. Like we can get that

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scarcity mindset in all of our areas. And here's a little bit how, like where the hoarding and,

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or the overspending comes in. In terms of financial decision-making, a scarcity mindset could lead you

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down two paths. Either you're inclined to hoard all your cash rather than invest it or spend it.

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And we're going to read a Bible story about that. Or you're tempted to just spend, spend, spend,

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and forego any type of long-term goals or planning because you're just feeling like it's just never

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going to happen for you. Matthew 6 26 says, look at the birds of the air. They do not sow or reap or

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store in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

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And so when you think about a scarcity mindset, no, I don't want you to spend to your heart's

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content, but we do have to have some level of trust that God has got you. Now I want to talk

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about the difference between poverty mindset and scarcity mindset versus abundant mindset. And you

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might think, well, abundant means just, I got it. I got a ton of money. And that's actually not what

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it means. An abundant mindset is the opposite of the scarcity mindset, and it helps unlock your

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greater financial potential to achieve your long-term goals. This can be called enough

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mindset. What is the concept? Enough, write that down. An abundant mindset is enough mindset.

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It's knowing that you have enough, you're doing enough, you are enough to feel personally fulfilled

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and satisfied with your life. Like I have enough, I have enough. So an abundant mindset is looking

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at what you've got right now and seeing the abundance around it. Because if you think abundant

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is having excess, or you're always chasing that dollar amount that's way out there, then actually

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you're never going to get out of that poverty scarcity mindset. So an abundant mindset doesn't

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mean you're just rolling in the dough, but an abundant mindset says, I have a roof over my head,

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I've got clothes on my body, I've got food in the fridge, I'm making my bills, I have family,

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I have friends, I have an abundant life. That's an abundant mindset. An abundant mindset,

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it can become a positive. It means having a positive and realistic attitude towards your

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financial life. Because financial freedom isn't just a savings goal or particular net worth,

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it's also the reassurance of knowing you're going to be okay.

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And that you can live life on your own terms without having to worry about

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where your next pain check will come. It's worth noting that an optimistic enough mindset doesn't

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magically manifest positive return overnight. Instead, an attitude of abundance

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fuels your motivation to act and make thoughtful decisions.

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visions that can help you achieve your goals.

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Jackie talks about this abundant mindset as we date,

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as we look for other things in our life.

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We want to believe that,

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we wanna have that positive energy.

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If you have a scarcity mindset in your dating

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and in your finance,

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that is gonna give off a lot of negative energy

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and it's not gonna be attractive to the people around you.

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You wanna keep your lives free from the love of money

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and be confident with what you have

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because God has said,

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never will I leave you,

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never will I forsake you.

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So that's Hebrews 3, 5.

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And so I want us to think about the words

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that are associated with a poverty mindset

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versus an abundant mindset.

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When we think about a scarcity or poverty mindset,

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we think of words like fear, anxiety,

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sadness, depression, anger,

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envy and covet, that FOMO, right?

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That FOMO.

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When we think about words that go with abundant mindset,

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we think of peace, contentment, trust,

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hopeful and secure.

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And you guys, I have been to developing countries.

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I've been around very wealthy people.

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You know, I first,

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I worked at a very wealthy church in Connecticut

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and then of course I ran a nonprofit.

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I've been around some of the wealthiest people

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in the country.

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I've also been, I've also served in my ministry

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some of the poorest people.

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And I can tell you this,

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the amount of money you have

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doesn't always equate with an abundant mindset.

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I have seen people in middle class or lower class

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have an abundant mindset.

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So don't think that as your money goes up,

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your abundant mindset goes up.

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The mindset has to precede the money.

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So I'm gonna read you a little story

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about what God has to say about what we do with our money.

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It's in Matthew 25, 14 to 30.

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Again, it will be like a man going on a journey

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who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them.

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To one, he gave five bags of gold,

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to another two bags and to another one bag,

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each according to his ability.

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Then he went on his journey.

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The man who had received five bags of gold

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went at once and put his money to work

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and gained five more bags.

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So also the one with two bags of gold gained two more.

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But the man who had received one bag went off,

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dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.

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After a long time, the master of those servants

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returned and settled accounts with them.

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The man who had received five bags of gold

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brought the other five.

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Master, he said, you entrusted me with five bags.

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See, I have gained five more.

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His master replied, well done, good and faithful servant.

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You have been faithful with a few things.

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I will put you in charge now of many things.

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Come and share your master's happiness.

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Y'all, we've heard that phrase, right, a lot.

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Like when people pass away or die, we're like,

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oh, we think the phrase that when God is talking to us

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is like, well done, good and faithful servant.

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We forget that it's starting in this money conversation.

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The man with two bags of gold also came.

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Master, he said, you entrusted me with two bags of gold.

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See, I've gained two more.

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His master replied, well done, good and faithful servant.

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You have been faithful with a few things

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and I will put you in charge of many.

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Come and share your master's happiness.

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So he did not give more to the person who had five

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from the person who had two.

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He rewarded their abundance.

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Then the man who had received one bag of gold came.

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Master, I knew that you are a hard man,

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harvesting where you have not sown

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and gather where you've not scattered seed.

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So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground.

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See, here it is, what belongs to you.

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His master replied, you wicked, lazy servant.

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So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown

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and gather where I have not scattered?

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Well, then you should have put my money on deposit

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with the banker so that when I returned,

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I would have received it back at least with interest.

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So take the bag of gold from him

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and give it to the one who has 10 bags.

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For whoever will be given more, they will have an abundance.

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Whoever does not have even what they have

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will be taken from them.

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And throw that worthless servant outside into the darkness

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where they'll be weeping and gnashing of the teeth.

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And so you guys, it's just this reminder,

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whatever God has entrusted you with,

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whatever little bit you've been entrusted with,

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you wanna be obedient and abundant in your posture with it

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and God will be able to multiply it.

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Now, normally I would love to do a PowerPoint presentation,

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but I wanna see as many of your faces as possible.

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And when I do a PowerPoint,

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I feel like I lose so many faces and so I don't like to do that.

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So that's why you're actually going to just have to take a lot of notes and it's super

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important that we're doing that.

232
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Um, okay.

233
00:15:10.400 --> 00:15:15.280
And you guys, if you are, it's, it's my, it's my fault.

234
00:15:15.280 --> 00:15:18.920
You guys on the dinging, I forgot to turn off my notification.

235
00:15:18.920 --> 00:15:22.560
So hopefully people will stop texting me and the rest of the time.

236
00:15:22.560 --> 00:15:23.560
So I apologize.

237
00:15:23.560 --> 00:15:27.200
I don't want to stop long enough to go to my settings and turn off the notification.

238
00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:31.080
So y'all are just gonna have to give me some grace that at the very beginning, my dog went

239
00:15:31.080 --> 00:15:34.640
cuckoo and a whole little texting string went crazy.

240
00:15:34.640 --> 00:15:35.640
So I apologize.

241
00:15:35.640 --> 00:15:38.280
I promise I did not mean to do that.

242
00:15:38.280 --> 00:15:42.440
So I wanted to ask you guys some questions, some group fun questions.

243
00:15:42.440 --> 00:15:46.920
And so you guys, um, this has nothing to do.

244
00:15:46.920 --> 00:15:48.880
Somebody asked me, what if you're not dating y'all?

245
00:15:48.880 --> 00:15:51.680
This has nothing to do with you being you dating.

246
00:15:51.680 --> 00:15:58.320
I need you to get your house in order with your finance now before you get married.

247
00:15:58.320 --> 00:16:03.240
This is not a, I'm going to get my crap together when I find my mate.

248
00:16:03.240 --> 00:16:10.040
No, you want to go into your dating relationship to the, be the best version of yourself.

249
00:16:10.040 --> 00:16:13.360
You don't want to lose weight when you meet him or her.

250
00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:15.780
You don't want to get your finances in order.

251
00:16:15.780 --> 00:16:17.600
You don't want to get the job.

252
00:16:17.600 --> 00:16:19.120
You don't want to write the book.

253
00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:23.360
You don't want to do all the things when you get the person you want to live into the

254
00:16:23.360 --> 00:16:25.280
freedom into that now.

255
00:16:25.280 --> 00:16:28.720
So us getting our house in order has nothing to do with it.

256
00:16:28.720 --> 00:16:31.840
I don't care if you guys are, I don't care if you guys are sitting there and you own

257
00:16:31.840 --> 00:16:33.920
your home or you're renting.

258
00:16:33.920 --> 00:16:38.640
I don't care if you have a 401k or if you don't, if we don't have a pot to pee in, like

259
00:16:38.640 --> 00:16:40.140
this is not what this is about.

260
00:16:40.140 --> 00:16:43.660
This conversation is for everybody.

261
00:16:43.660 --> 00:16:46.800
Everybody can learn something, um, from that.

262
00:16:46.800 --> 00:16:52.440
And so, um, let's go, what's the percent again for the mortgage?

263
00:16:52.440 --> 00:16:54.200
I will get back to that again.

264
00:16:54.200 --> 00:17:00.960
Um, and you guys be careful how much you're sharing about your own finances in the chat

265
00:17:00.960 --> 00:17:01.960
room.

266
00:17:01.960 --> 00:17:07.319
I really don't think it's appropriate for you to be sharing whether you have debt or

267
00:17:07.319 --> 00:17:10.520
not debt in the chat, we're going to go over that at the very end.

268
00:17:10.520 --> 00:17:14.520
Remember we talked about what's appropriate for a level two and level three dating right

269
00:17:14.520 --> 00:17:17.240
now we're at a level one with one another.

270
00:17:17.240 --> 00:17:19.839
We are in group community with one another.

271
00:17:19.839 --> 00:17:26.440
So we want to be, we want to be super, super careful that we, um, don't share too much

272
00:17:26.440 --> 00:17:27.440
information in the chat.

273
00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:29.800
So that's your first boundary for tonight.

274
00:17:29.800 --> 00:17:33.160
Be careful to what you share in the chat about your personal finances.

275
00:17:33.160 --> 00:17:34.160
Okay.

276
00:17:34.160 --> 00:17:35.440
So I have some questions.

277
00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:39.920
I want to see how many hands raised and there's no right or wrong answer here.

278
00:17:39.920 --> 00:17:41.400
Okay.

279
00:17:41.400 --> 00:17:45.780
This is a, these are questions that get asked actually on the pre-marriage Simba's class.

280
00:17:45.780 --> 00:17:46.780
Raise your hand.

281
00:17:46.780 --> 00:17:50.760
Um, it's going to either be the husband, the wife, or both.

282
00:17:50.760 --> 00:17:54.480
So you're going to either raise your hand first if you think it's the husband's job.

283
00:17:54.480 --> 00:17:57.520
Second if it's the wife's, third if it's both.

284
00:17:57.520 --> 00:18:02.000
And I know some of you are gonna be like, it depends, but I want you to pick one anyway.

285
00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:06.360
Who do you think's job it is to provide income once you're married?

286
00:18:06.360 --> 00:18:09.640
How many want to say it's just the husband's job?

287
00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:11.640
Okay.

288
00:18:11.640 --> 00:18:14.240
Brave ladies and men.

289
00:18:14.240 --> 00:18:15.240
Okay.

290
00:18:15.240 --> 00:18:16.240
Awesome.

291
00:18:16.240 --> 00:18:17.400
Lower your hands.

292
00:18:17.400 --> 00:18:19.440
How many thinks it's the wife's job?

293
00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:20.800
He's like, I'm retired, man.

294
00:18:20.800 --> 00:18:22.400
I did my part.

295
00:18:22.400 --> 00:18:23.400
I got the pension.

296
00:18:23.400 --> 00:18:24.400
All right.

297
00:18:24.400 --> 00:18:26.400
How many think it's both?

298
00:18:30.400 --> 00:18:31.400
Okay.

299
00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:32.400
Let's see.

300
00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:33.800
Do I have a lot of both?

301
00:18:33.800 --> 00:18:34.800
I got a lot of both.

302
00:18:34.800 --> 00:18:35.800
Awesome.

303
00:18:35.800 --> 00:18:36.800
Awesome.

304
00:18:36.800 --> 00:18:37.800
Awesome.

305
00:18:37.800 --> 00:18:38.800
Awesome.

306
00:18:38.960 --> 00:18:39.960
Okay.

307
00:18:39.960 --> 00:18:40.960
Lower your hands.

308
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:41.960
Awesome.

309
00:18:41.960 --> 00:18:42.960
Okay.

310
00:18:42.960 --> 00:18:43.960
Second question.

311
00:18:43.960 --> 00:18:47.480
Whose job is it to manage the budget?

312
00:18:47.480 --> 00:18:48.480
Manage the budget.

313
00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:55.200
Should it be the guy's job to manage the budget?

314
00:18:55.200 --> 00:18:56.200
The wife?

315
00:18:56.200 --> 00:18:57.200
Both.

316
00:18:57.200 --> 00:19:01.200
How many say both?

317
00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:02.200
Awesome.

318
00:19:02.200 --> 00:19:03.200
Okay.

319
00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:06.200
Whose job is it?

320
00:19:06.600 --> 00:19:13.960
Now, okay, you guys, this next question, someone's going to have to pick, because both people

321
00:19:13.960 --> 00:19:15.640
can't do this next one.

322
00:19:15.640 --> 00:19:16.640
Pay the bills.

323
00:19:16.640 --> 00:19:18.240
Who's paying the bills?

324
00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:19.240
So husband.

325
00:19:19.240 --> 00:19:22.960
Is the husband paying the bills?

326
00:19:22.960 --> 00:19:25.480
I'll be very curious where we land on this.

327
00:19:25.480 --> 00:19:28.200
How many say the wife is going to be the one paying the bills?

328
00:19:28.200 --> 00:19:29.200
Yeah.

329
00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:35.840
I think that's really funny.

330
00:19:35.840 --> 00:19:38.320
Mom is taking care of the bills.

331
00:19:38.320 --> 00:19:39.600
There's no right or wrong answer.

332
00:19:39.600 --> 00:19:40.600
Just trying to get perceptions.

333
00:19:40.600 --> 00:19:46.200
But you guys, these are important questions that you'll be asking towards the end of,

334
00:19:46.200 --> 00:19:49.040
as you're getting prepared in a relationship.

335
00:19:49.040 --> 00:19:50.040
Okay.

336
00:19:50.040 --> 00:19:56.640
Is it appropriate for both people to talk about money when you're married?

337
00:19:56.640 --> 00:19:58.600
Yep.

338
00:19:58.600 --> 00:19:59.600
Both people can talk.

339
00:19:59.600 --> 00:20:00.600
Is it yes?

340
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.920
Raise your hand if it's a yes.

341
00:20:00.600 --> 00:20:00.600


342
00:20:01.920 --> 00:20:03.900
Can both people bring up money,

343
00:20:03.900 --> 00:20:06.320
even if you're not the one making the money?

344
00:20:07.360 --> 00:20:09.480
Even if you're not the one making the money.

345
00:20:09.480 --> 00:20:10.400
Okay, good.

346
00:20:10.400 --> 00:20:12.360
I'm gonna lower all your hands.

347
00:20:13.360 --> 00:20:16.080
Okay, so you're about to get married

348
00:20:17.060 --> 00:20:20.680
and you are gonna be the stay-at-home mom with the kids,

349
00:20:20.680 --> 00:20:21.920
because you still have kids at home,

350
00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:24.980
he's got kids at home, he's the major bride winner.

351
00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:28.800
Does the wife who's not bringing in an income

352
00:20:28.840 --> 00:20:31.940
get a say in the budget and the finances?

353
00:20:31.940 --> 00:20:33.540
Yes, raise your hand.

354
00:20:39.080 --> 00:20:41.020
Yeah, I think she does.

355
00:20:41.020 --> 00:20:41.860
Because guess what?

356
00:20:41.860 --> 00:20:43.440
She's got a free, you know,

357
00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:45.040
she's just getting a crappy salary

358
00:20:45.040 --> 00:20:48.000
for being a stay-at-home mom, you know?

359
00:20:48.000 --> 00:20:49.280
She's doing all the things.

360
00:20:49.280 --> 00:20:50.540
Okay, awesome.

361
00:20:50.540 --> 00:20:52.760
All right, so now I've got some questions

362
00:20:52.760 --> 00:20:54.480
for you guys to ask yourself.

363
00:20:54.480 --> 00:20:55.640
I'm gonna lower all the hands.

364
00:20:55.640 --> 00:21:00.640
So since you've got all of the hands down.

365
00:21:03.280 --> 00:21:04.840
All right, so the first question is,

366
00:21:04.840 --> 00:21:06.080
and this is just for yourself,

367
00:21:06.080 --> 00:21:09.080
I'm gonna ask you guys five questions.

368
00:21:09.080 --> 00:21:11.420
You're not taking the answers to this in the breakout room.

369
00:21:11.420 --> 00:21:13.640
I promise, this is just for you.

370
00:21:13.640 --> 00:21:17.880
I read the definition between a scarcity poverty mindset

371
00:21:17.880 --> 00:21:20.880
versus an abundant mindset.

372
00:21:20.880 --> 00:21:23.360
First question, do you think you have

373
00:21:23.360 --> 00:21:27.820
a scarcity poverty mindset or an abundant mindset?

374
00:21:27.820 --> 00:21:29.860
You guys, there are a lot of people

375
00:21:29.860 --> 00:21:32.440
who make over $250,000 a year

376
00:21:32.440 --> 00:21:34.480
who still have a scarcity mindset.

377
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:37.020
So I promise you, it's not just that.

378
00:21:37.020 --> 00:21:40.740
So go ahead and answer that question for yourself.

379
00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:50.200
And just say a little bit about that.

380
00:21:53.360 --> 00:21:54.200
Okay.

381
00:22:03.560 --> 00:22:06.200
Okay, the second question,

382
00:22:06.200 --> 00:22:09.480
what concerns do you have most right now?

383
00:22:13.480 --> 00:22:15.360
What concerns do you have most right now

384
00:22:15.360 --> 00:22:17.080
about your financial position

385
00:22:17.080 --> 00:22:20.520
that you would be bringing into the marriage and why?

386
00:22:20.520 --> 00:22:22.020
What concerns you most

387
00:22:22.020 --> 00:22:24.460
about your current financial position

388
00:22:24.460 --> 00:22:26.720
that you would be bringing into the marriage and why?

389
00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:28.460
Go ahead, this is just for you guys.

390
00:22:28.460 --> 00:22:30.960
I'm not gonna have you read that answer to anybody.

391
00:22:37.020 --> 00:22:38.780
And just take a moment in that,

392
00:22:38.780 --> 00:22:42.780
don't rush that answer and be really honest with yourself.

393
00:22:52.780 --> 00:22:57.780
All right, the next question, this is a positive one.

394
00:23:04.060 --> 00:23:06.300
So I want you to try to think about something

395
00:23:06.300 --> 00:23:09.060
to be positive about with your finances.

396
00:23:09.060 --> 00:23:13.140
What gives you peace about your financial future?

397
00:23:13.140 --> 00:23:14.660
Even if you have to pray about it,

398
00:23:14.660 --> 00:23:16.720
think of something that gives you peace

399
00:23:16.720 --> 00:23:18.400
about your financial future.

400
00:23:22.020 --> 00:23:22.860
Okay.

401
00:23:36.220 --> 00:23:37.300
Great.

402
00:23:37.300 --> 00:23:38.960
All right, next question.

403
00:23:40.100 --> 00:23:43.860
Do you have higher expectation for your future spouse

404
00:23:43.860 --> 00:23:47.500
about their finances than you have about your own?

405
00:23:47.500 --> 00:23:49.540
So let me give you an example about this.

406
00:23:50.540 --> 00:23:53.860
Say I am 20 pounds overweight,

407
00:23:53.860 --> 00:23:57.260
but I expect my man to look hot

408
00:23:57.260 --> 00:23:59.780
and not be 20 pounds overweight.

409
00:23:59.780 --> 00:24:02.840
Say I have student loan debt,

410
00:24:02.840 --> 00:24:05.200
but I don't want a man who's got debt.

411
00:24:06.060 --> 00:24:07.980
So that's what I'm kind of saying about that.

412
00:24:07.980 --> 00:24:12.980
So like your own finances are either a hot mess express

413
00:24:13.500 --> 00:24:15.940
or they're pretty good,

414
00:24:15.980 --> 00:24:19.740
but boy, you have very high expectations

415
00:24:19.740 --> 00:24:22.180
of the person that you're gonna wanna marry

416
00:24:22.180 --> 00:24:25.500
that their financial position is better than yours.

417
00:24:25.500 --> 00:24:28.180
Go ahead and be honest if that's where you are right now.

418
00:24:28.180 --> 00:24:29.340
It is okay.

419
00:24:29.340 --> 00:24:31.940
This is just you kind of getting real with yourself.

420
00:24:38.860 --> 00:24:40.620
All right, so the second part of that question,

421
00:24:40.620 --> 00:24:42.340
now you might be saying, well, you know,

422
00:24:42.340 --> 00:24:44.980
I can handle it if they're in the same place as me.

423
00:24:46.380 --> 00:24:48.420
How do you feel about them being

424
00:24:48.420 --> 00:24:51.480
in a more difficult financial position than you?

425
00:24:51.480 --> 00:24:53.060
How does that make you feel?

426
00:24:53.060 --> 00:24:57.160
That you have fallen in love with some amazing person,

427
00:24:57.160 --> 00:25:00.100
but you found out their financial situation is.

428
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.000
the hot mess.

429
00:25:16.140 --> 00:25:17.860
So then the final question is,

430
00:25:17.860 --> 00:25:21.140
would you be willing to hold space for grace

431
00:25:21.140 --> 00:25:23.780
with finances in your future,

432
00:25:23.780 --> 00:25:26.260
either with yourself or with your future spouse?

433
00:25:26.260 --> 00:25:29.900
How much space for grace are you willing to own?

434
00:25:29.920 --> 00:25:33.280
I love that you guys are like being really honest about that.

435
00:25:33.280 --> 00:25:34.620
By the way, I loved your answer

436
00:25:34.620 --> 00:25:36.160
about who should be doing the bills.

437
00:25:36.160 --> 00:25:38.780
I'm a big fan of whoever does it best.

438
00:25:38.780 --> 00:25:41.800
Like I'm the finance person, so I'm okay if he's doing it,

439
00:25:41.800 --> 00:25:44.080
but he better know finance better than me.

440
00:25:44.080 --> 00:25:46.680
Otherwise, buddy boy, you're giving me the checkbook

441
00:25:46.680 --> 00:25:47.800
and we're gonna be,

442
00:25:47.800 --> 00:25:51.460
but I'm just looking through all these answers.

443
00:25:51.460 --> 00:25:56.460
I'm curious about what some of you are writing

444
00:26:03.680 --> 00:26:06.280
about the God answers,

445
00:26:06.280 --> 00:26:08.080
but I bet you that will come out more

446
00:26:08.080 --> 00:26:10.100
in your breakout rooms

447
00:26:10.100 --> 00:26:11.600
and what you actually mean about that.

448
00:26:11.600 --> 00:26:14.120
Okay, so I'm gonna actually start

449
00:26:14.120 --> 00:26:17.480
to get into the nitty gritty.

450
00:26:17.480 --> 00:26:19.200
Here's a tidbit for you

451
00:26:19.220 --> 00:26:22.820
of how to make healthy financial decisions.

452
00:26:22.820 --> 00:26:25.380
And you guys, a lot of it isn't in the big decision.

453
00:26:25.380 --> 00:26:27.460
So sometimes when we spend money,

454
00:26:27.460 --> 00:26:29.900
we think it's, do you buy the house or not?

455
00:26:29.900 --> 00:26:31.220
The car or not?

456
00:26:31.220 --> 00:26:33.660
Go on that expensive vacation or not?

457
00:26:33.660 --> 00:26:37.940
That actually isn't what impacts your daily wealth the most.

458
00:26:37.940 --> 00:26:39.200
Do you wanna know what it is?

459
00:26:39.200 --> 00:26:43.780
It's how you spend the little money, the piddly money.

460
00:26:43.780 --> 00:26:46.140
And so I want you to ask yourself

461
00:26:46.140 --> 00:26:51.140
before you make an impulsive decision on finances,

462
00:26:51.960 --> 00:26:55.560
I'm gonna ask you to check your pies and your habits.

463
00:26:55.560 --> 00:26:57.520
Now, if you are newer to the program,

464
00:26:57.520 --> 00:27:00.820
I talk about pies and habits and boundaries.

465
00:27:00.820 --> 00:27:04.340
If you are longer in our program,

466
00:27:04.340 --> 00:27:07.800
you've not heard me teach the class on pies and habits.

467
00:27:07.800 --> 00:27:10.720
So pies and habits are an acronym.

468
00:27:10.720 --> 00:27:14.160
So the word pie stands for physical,

469
00:27:15.100 --> 00:27:20.100
intellectual, emotional, and spiritual health.

470
00:27:20.440 --> 00:27:21.940
You're gonna write that down.

471
00:27:21.940 --> 00:27:23.840
How are your pies doing?

472
00:27:23.840 --> 00:27:26.980
So it is not time to go on Amazon

473
00:27:26.980 --> 00:27:29.660
and do a little spending spree.

474
00:27:29.660 --> 00:27:32.420
If you are physically sick and unhealthy,

475
00:27:32.420 --> 00:27:34.520
unless it's to get some meds.

476
00:27:34.520 --> 00:27:38.020
If you are intellectually just not in a good place,

477
00:27:38.020 --> 00:27:40.820
like your mind, like you can't think straight,

478
00:27:40.820 --> 00:27:43.340
you have brain fog, you just got over COVID,

479
00:27:43.360 --> 00:27:45.600
you just got over a sinus infection,

480
00:27:45.600 --> 00:27:48.640
you have some version of brain fog.

481
00:27:48.640 --> 00:27:51.760
That is not the time to be purchasing.

482
00:27:51.760 --> 00:27:53.440
Emotional health.

483
00:27:53.440 --> 00:27:56.280
Y'all, how many women have said the word,

484
00:27:56.280 --> 00:27:59.760
I need to do a little retail therapy, right?

485
00:27:59.760 --> 00:28:02.320
Mm-hmm, retail therapy.

486
00:28:02.320 --> 00:28:05.840
So emotional health can really impact you.

487
00:28:05.840 --> 00:28:08.120
It's kind of like you don't go to the grocery store

488
00:28:08.120 --> 00:28:09.680
when you're starving, right?

489
00:28:09.680 --> 00:28:14.680
You don't go spending when you are emotionally depleted.

490
00:28:16.180 --> 00:28:19.360
And then the last one is spiritual health.

491
00:28:19.360 --> 00:28:22.860
Obviously we believe that wisdom comes from God.

492
00:28:22.860 --> 00:28:26.060
And so he's gonna give us holy discernment,

493
00:28:26.060 --> 00:28:27.980
peace, and prudence.

494
00:28:27.980 --> 00:28:31.140
The enemy is just gonna want you to spend, spend, spend.

495
00:28:31.140 --> 00:28:33.100
So first check your pies

496
00:28:33.100 --> 00:28:35.140
before you make an impulsive decision.

497
00:28:35.140 --> 00:28:38.560
Physical, intellectual, emotional, or spiritual health.

498
00:28:38.560 --> 00:28:40.700
The other word is habits.

499
00:28:40.700 --> 00:28:42.780
And I use this word a lot

500
00:28:42.780 --> 00:28:45.880
when I talk about having conflict resolution with somebody.

501
00:28:45.880 --> 00:28:49.120
If you need to do conflict resolution with somebody

502
00:28:49.120 --> 00:28:51.480
or make a big decision like, I don't know,

503
00:28:51.480 --> 00:28:52.780
should we go to level two or not?

504
00:28:52.780 --> 00:28:54.420
Should we break up or not?

505
00:28:54.420 --> 00:28:57.620
You are not supposed to do it when your habits are amok.

506
00:28:57.620 --> 00:28:59.700
So what do habits stand for?

507
00:28:59.700 --> 00:29:01.760
H stands for hungry.

508
00:29:02.680 --> 00:29:05.380
A stands for angry.

509
00:29:05.380 --> 00:29:07.420
B stands for bored.

510
00:29:08.420 --> 00:29:10.080
Like so boredom and sloth.

511
00:29:10.080 --> 00:29:12.760
You guys, sloth is one of those seven deadly sins, right?

512
00:29:12.760 --> 00:29:15.120
So boredom is a biggie.

513
00:29:15.120 --> 00:29:18.560
I stands for insecure or isolated.

514
00:29:20.280 --> 00:29:22.240
T stands for tired.

515
00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:27.240
S stands for stressed.

516
00:29:27.240 --> 00:29:29.960
So I always try to say, it's kind of like, you know,

517
00:29:29.960 --> 00:29:31.920
I've had enough surgery, so I know this.

518
00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:34.400
So one of the things that you have to sign

519
00:29:34.400 --> 00:29:36.920
when you're about to go under general anesthesia

520
00:29:37.420 --> 00:29:38.700
is that you promise that you're not gonna make

521
00:29:38.700 --> 00:29:40.500
any major life decisions.

522
00:29:40.500 --> 00:29:43.580
I think it's like 72 hours after surgery

523
00:29:43.580 --> 00:29:45.300
because they know you're gonna have brain fog.

524
00:29:45.300 --> 00:29:48.300
And so I'm just gonna encourage you to pay attention

525
00:29:48.300 --> 00:29:51.200
to your pies and your habits,

526
00:29:51.200 --> 00:29:55.360
and especially start to notice the pattern of, gosh,

527
00:29:55.360 --> 00:29:59.660
when I'm feeling isolated and alone, man, I just do this.

528
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.040
Those of you that have food issues,

529
00:30:02.040 --> 00:30:04.600
everything I'm saying tonight

530
00:30:04.600 --> 00:30:07.160
could actually line up with food issues.

531
00:30:07.160 --> 00:30:12.080
Money issues, food issues, porn issues, sex issues,

532
00:30:12.080 --> 00:30:14.660
any kind of addictive behavior

533
00:30:14.660 --> 00:30:17.920
that you guys have gotten yourself entangled with

534
00:30:17.920 --> 00:30:21.920
really could be applying to this conversation of finance

535
00:30:21.920 --> 00:30:25.960
because a lot of times we're going to get a fix.

536
00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:28.960
And so that's what impacts our finances.

537
00:30:28.960 --> 00:30:33.180
Okay, our next scripture verse I'm gonna give you is,

538
00:30:33.180 --> 00:30:36.520
because we have two principles that I want you to consider

539
00:30:36.520 --> 00:30:38.160
and we're getting super close

540
00:30:38.160 --> 00:30:39.400
to y'all going into your breakout

541
00:30:39.400 --> 00:30:41.520
in about 10 minutes, you'll be going into your breakout.

542
00:30:41.520 --> 00:30:43.520
We're gonna go to our breakout for about 20 minutes

543
00:30:43.520 --> 00:30:45.840
and then we're gonna come back for 10 minutes

544
00:30:45.840 --> 00:30:48.440
for us to discuss what's appropriate to talk about

545
00:30:48.440 --> 00:30:49.520
at the different levels.

546
00:30:49.520 --> 00:30:51.200
And then I wanna actually hear from y'all

547
00:30:51.200 --> 00:30:54.120
and you guys get to ask questions and give your thoughts.

548
00:30:54.120 --> 00:30:55.560
So the first principle,

549
00:30:55.560 --> 00:30:57.680
and this is really back to that abundant living,

550
00:30:57.680 --> 00:30:59.840
like, okay, Renee, that sounds really great.

551
00:30:59.840 --> 00:31:03.380
How do I go about living abundantly?

552
00:31:03.380 --> 00:31:05.040
The first thing you have to learn how to do

553
00:31:05.040 --> 00:31:07.120
is live within your means.

554
00:31:07.120 --> 00:31:09.600
It's the first thing you have to do, live within your means.

555
00:31:09.600 --> 00:31:13.800
Let me read you 1 Timothy 6, 6-12.

556
00:31:13.800 --> 00:31:15.040
So Cheryl, I know you are there

557
00:31:15.040 --> 00:31:15.960
and I know you're not feeling good,

558
00:31:15.960 --> 00:31:18.320
but if you can be putting in these verses, that'd be great.

559
00:31:18.320 --> 00:31:20.640
1 Timothy 6, 6-12,

560
00:31:20.640 --> 00:31:24.000
but godliness with contentment is a great gain

561
00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:25.880
for we brought nothing into the world

562
00:31:25.920 --> 00:31:27.960
and we cannot take anything out.

563
00:31:27.960 --> 00:31:30.000
But if we had food and clothing with these,

564
00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:31.440
we will be content.

565
00:31:31.440 --> 00:31:34.200
But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation,

566
00:31:34.200 --> 00:31:37.720
into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires

567
00:31:37.720 --> 00:31:40.980
that plunge people into ruin and destruction.

568
00:31:40.980 --> 00:31:42.120
For the love of money

569
00:31:42.120 --> 00:31:44.200
is a root of all kind of evil things.

570
00:31:44.200 --> 00:31:46.760
It is through this craving that some have wandered away

571
00:31:46.760 --> 00:31:49.840
from the faith and pierce themselves with many pangs.

572
00:31:49.840 --> 00:31:51.760
But as for you, oh man of God,

573
00:31:52.640 --> 00:31:55.680
flee these things, pursue righteousness,

574
00:31:56.440 --> 00:32:00.040
godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness,

575
00:32:00.040 --> 00:32:01.920
fight the good fight of faith,

576
00:32:01.920 --> 00:32:04.680
take hold of the eternal life to which you were called

577
00:32:04.680 --> 00:32:07.240
about which you were made the good confession

578
00:32:07.240 --> 00:32:09.480
in the presence of many witnesses.

579
00:32:09.480 --> 00:32:12.640
I love it because you guys, we use a lot of those verses

580
00:32:12.640 --> 00:32:15.880
and we don't ever mean it to have anything to do

581
00:32:15.880 --> 00:32:18.240
with having that abundant living

582
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:19.600
and living within your means.

583
00:32:19.600 --> 00:32:20.700
And I love it.

584
00:32:21.020 --> 00:32:25.780
And you guys, when I was on staff at the church,

585
00:32:25.780 --> 00:32:27.780
I was the church business administrator.

586
00:32:27.780 --> 00:32:30.820
So I saw how much people gave

587
00:32:30.820 --> 00:32:32.660
and I also saw where they lived.

588
00:32:32.660 --> 00:32:35.300
And I also saw, I had firsthand knowledge

589
00:32:35.300 --> 00:32:37.380
of who were the people in debt

590
00:32:37.380 --> 00:32:39.980
coming to the church asking for money.

591
00:32:39.980 --> 00:32:44.460
And you guys, I've seen people with $10 million homes

592
00:32:44.460 --> 00:32:46.260
not have enough for Christmas

593
00:32:46.260 --> 00:32:48.260
because they were just living beyond their means.

594
00:32:48.260 --> 00:32:52.220
And so it is actually, and scripture talks about it a lot.

595
00:32:52.220 --> 00:32:54.580
Luke, the gospel of Luke talks a lot

596
00:32:54.580 --> 00:32:57.940
about how hard it is to enter heaven

597
00:32:57.940 --> 00:32:59.380
when you have a lot of riches.

598
00:32:59.380 --> 00:33:03.300
I've seen people with great wealth manage it well

599
00:33:03.300 --> 00:33:05.140
and they give, give, give, give, give.

600
00:33:05.140 --> 00:33:08.100
But I've seen a lot of people get tripped up with it.

601
00:33:08.100 --> 00:33:11.900
So what does it mean to live within your means?

602
00:33:11.900 --> 00:33:14.180
You have to know what your budget is.

603
00:33:14.180 --> 00:33:18.240
So how many of you have actually created a budget?

604
00:33:18.240 --> 00:33:20.900
Raise your hand if you haven't, it's okay.

605
00:33:20.900 --> 00:33:23.260
Raise your hand if you actually have created

606
00:33:23.260 --> 00:33:25.020
a financial budget for yourself.

607
00:33:27.120 --> 00:33:28.600
Awesome, okay.

608
00:33:28.600 --> 00:33:30.980
That is like, let's see,

609
00:33:30.980 --> 00:33:33.780
about 45 of you have raised your hand.

610
00:33:33.780 --> 00:33:35.440
So that's about a third of you.

611
00:33:35.440 --> 00:33:36.980
Okay, lower your hands.

612
00:33:36.980 --> 00:33:38.100
I'm gonna lower the hands.

613
00:33:38.100 --> 00:33:40.860
How many of you consistently,

614
00:33:41.820 --> 00:33:44.140
let me lower those hands real quick.

615
00:33:44.980 --> 00:33:47.500
How many of you consistently live by your budget?

616
00:33:49.500 --> 00:33:52.060
What did I know Nitin was gonna raise his hand?

617
00:33:52.060 --> 00:33:54.160
I just could tell he had that personality.

618
00:33:57.460 --> 00:34:02.460
Okay, so that is maybe 25% of the crowd, right?

619
00:34:04.260 --> 00:34:05.480
So it's really hard.

620
00:34:05.480 --> 00:34:09.380
How many folks, so I'm gonna lower all the hands.

621
00:34:09.380 --> 00:34:11.179
Okay, I'm gonna lower the hands.

622
00:34:11.179 --> 00:34:12.980
Here's your next question.

623
00:34:12.980 --> 00:34:16.420
How many of you are scared to put a budget together

624
00:34:16.420 --> 00:34:18.380
because you just don't wanna see it?

625
00:34:18.380 --> 00:34:20.620
You're like, I just can't even face that number.

626
00:34:20.620 --> 00:34:23.980
That's just, that's gonna give me heart palpitations.

627
00:34:23.980 --> 00:34:25.780
I wouldn't even know where to begin.

628
00:34:26.900 --> 00:34:27.860
That's okay too.

629
00:34:29.860 --> 00:34:30.760
That's okay too.

630
00:34:32.620 --> 00:34:33.460
All right.

631
00:34:35.380 --> 00:34:36.900
I am going to

632
00:34:37.900 --> 00:34:39.139
uh, uh, uh, uh,

633
00:34:41.139 --> 00:34:43.620
pull up a budget I did for y'all.

634
00:34:44.540 --> 00:34:45.980
Blank budget.

635
00:34:45.980 --> 00:34:46.980
I'm gonna pull it up

636
00:34:48.540 --> 00:34:52.219
and I'm gonna go ahead and share the screen.

637
00:34:52.219 --> 00:34:54.460
So here's what it takes to do a budget.

638
00:34:55.340 --> 00:34:58.860
Now there are lots of great apps to do it too.

639
00:34:58.860 --> 00:35:00.200
And let me.

640
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.980
Er, er, er, er, where did I go?

641
00:35:03.980 --> 00:35:06.320
Where did my little budget go?

642
00:35:06.320 --> 00:35:08.440
Hold on, see, I thought I shared.

643
00:35:08.440 --> 00:35:13.440
Ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch.

644
00:35:13.440 --> 00:35:16.020
All right, let me stop sharing for just a second

645
00:35:16.020 --> 00:35:17.980
while I get my file up.

646
00:35:17.980 --> 00:35:18.820
There we go.

647
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:25.120
All right, so there's a lot, there's a couple of sources,

648
00:35:25.120 --> 00:35:26.320
and I was actually gonna, you know,

649
00:35:26.320 --> 00:35:28.240
Jackie and I kind of went back and forth,

650
00:35:28.240 --> 00:35:29.360
and Dave and I went back and forth

651
00:35:29.680 --> 00:35:32.400
about whether or not I was gonna share some apps out there,

652
00:35:32.400 --> 00:35:35.560
but so many, there's so many different ones out there.

653
00:35:35.560 --> 00:35:37.720
I didn't wanna necessarily be held

654
00:35:37.720 --> 00:35:39.800
kind of like accountable to it,

655
00:35:39.800 --> 00:35:41.840
but all you have to do is Google

656
00:35:41.840 --> 00:35:44.440
and find out about money apps.

657
00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:46.880
But here's what I'm gonna make available to you guys.

658
00:35:46.880 --> 00:35:49.580
Here's the very least that you need to do.

659
00:35:49.580 --> 00:35:52.400
I want you to create a column of what you think,

660
00:35:52.400 --> 00:35:54.400
you've never seen this, right?

661
00:35:54.400 --> 00:35:57.500
I wanna create a column of what you think your income is.

662
00:35:57.500 --> 00:36:00.580
Now, this whole less reserve for taxes,

663
00:36:00.580 --> 00:36:03.900
that's if you are 1099, you have to do on your own taxes.

664
00:36:03.900 --> 00:36:06.200
Otherwise, if you already know what your net income is,

665
00:36:06.200 --> 00:36:08.020
that's your take-home pay.

666
00:36:08.020 --> 00:36:12.020
Here's the kind of things I need you to for one month.

667
00:36:12.020 --> 00:36:14.060
For one month, we're gonna encourage you

668
00:36:14.060 --> 00:36:15.740
to look at your budget.

669
00:36:15.740 --> 00:36:17.380
You're gonna look at all of the things.

670
00:36:17.380 --> 00:36:19.140
Now, they may not come to you.

671
00:36:19.140 --> 00:36:20.380
You may not have all of these.

672
00:36:20.380 --> 00:36:22.300
Your mortgage might be a rent.

673
00:36:22.300 --> 00:36:23.920
Many people have their mortgage

674
00:36:23.920 --> 00:36:26.180
that has their taxes insurance included in it.

675
00:36:26.180 --> 00:36:27.460
Do you have an HOA?

676
00:36:28.300 --> 00:36:29.140
Do you have a car?

677
00:36:29.140 --> 00:36:32.260
A car payment, car insurance, car gas, cars, repairs,

678
00:36:32.260 --> 00:36:33.100
cleaning.

679
00:36:33.100 --> 00:36:34.900
Do you have medical insurance, medical bills,

680
00:36:34.900 --> 00:36:37.860
medical prescriptions, short-term disability,

681
00:36:37.860 --> 00:36:39.140
long-term life insurance?

682
00:36:39.140 --> 00:36:42.100
Do you have a therapist, a fitness coach, other?

683
00:36:42.100 --> 00:36:44.020
Let's talk about your subscriptions,

684
00:36:44.020 --> 00:36:46.820
your TV and streaming apps, your gym,

685
00:36:46.820 --> 00:36:48.900
things like last year single and online dating,

686
00:36:48.900 --> 00:36:52.900
Spotify, Netflix, Pandora, Marco Polo, games, others.

687
00:36:52.900 --> 00:36:53.940
Do you have a pet?

688
00:36:53.940 --> 00:36:55.460
Pet are not for you.

689
00:36:55.620 --> 00:36:56.660
Do you have a pet?

690
00:36:56.660 --> 00:36:59.100
Pet are not, pets are not free.

691
00:36:59.100 --> 00:37:01.580
Dog food, dog insurance, dog medical,

692
00:37:01.580 --> 00:37:03.540
doggie daycare, doggie grooming,

693
00:37:03.540 --> 00:37:06.100
your grocery store, the drug store.

694
00:37:06.100 --> 00:37:08.220
And I put the groceries for your grocery store.

695
00:37:08.220 --> 00:37:10.580
It could be Costco, wherever you shop.

696
00:37:10.580 --> 00:37:12.900
Everyday items for your like,

697
00:37:12.900 --> 00:37:17.060
if you go to like CVS or Target for your shampoo and stuff,

698
00:37:17.060 --> 00:37:18.500
you're gonna wanna put that in there.

699
00:37:18.500 --> 00:37:21.420
And then I put like other items.

700
00:37:21.420 --> 00:37:24.020
Ladies, you know, we all have our online subscriptions

701
00:37:24.020 --> 00:37:25.660
for skin, hair and makeup.

702
00:37:25.660 --> 00:37:28.180
Do you get your hair done, your nails done, your skin?

703
00:37:28.180 --> 00:37:29.620
Do you get a massage?

704
00:37:29.620 --> 00:37:30.580
All of the things.

705
00:37:30.580 --> 00:37:32.980
And then entertainment, dining out,

706
00:37:32.980 --> 00:37:35.660
entertainment, clothing, gifts, travel.

707
00:37:35.660 --> 00:37:37.900
Do you have credit cards at a store?

708
00:37:37.900 --> 00:37:38.860
Do you have a savings?

709
00:37:38.860 --> 00:37:39.900
Do you have 401k?

710
00:37:39.900 --> 00:37:43.660
Now your 401k might already be coming out in your paycheck.

711
00:37:43.660 --> 00:37:44.500
Do you tithe?

712
00:37:44.500 --> 00:37:47.020
Do you give a nonprofit organization?

713
00:37:47.020 --> 00:37:49.700
So kind of like, so that, and then I also do this.

714
00:37:49.700 --> 00:37:53.780
I personally mark off which things are auto-draft,

715
00:37:54.540 --> 00:37:56.340
which things I have set up as a bill pay,

716
00:37:56.340 --> 00:37:59.700
which things I write out a check for, I give online.

717
00:37:59.700 --> 00:38:00.780
Do I use Venmo?

718
00:38:00.780 --> 00:38:02.140
Do I use debit card?

719
00:38:02.140 --> 00:38:03.340
Do I use cash?

720
00:38:03.340 --> 00:38:04.700
So it's gonna be the first thing you're doing.

721
00:38:04.700 --> 00:38:06.580
It's like, what do you think it is?

722
00:38:06.580 --> 00:38:09.020
And then for a whole month,

723
00:38:09.020 --> 00:38:11.360
you're gonna find out what the truth is.

724
00:38:11.360 --> 00:38:13.540
So this is just one way to do it.

725
00:38:13.540 --> 00:38:16.420
I'm gonna make that spreadsheet available to you guys

726
00:38:16.420 --> 00:38:20.200
because in, you know, in the fitness world,

727
00:38:20.200 --> 00:38:22.020
when we track our macros,

728
00:38:22.020 --> 00:38:23.940
one of the things our coach says to us

729
00:38:23.940 --> 00:38:26.580
is you have to count all BLTs.

730
00:38:26.580 --> 00:38:28.940
That means bites, licks, and tastes.

731
00:38:28.940 --> 00:38:31.060
So a lot of times when you're cooking,

732
00:38:31.060 --> 00:38:33.380
you don't count the lick of food, but you can like,

733
00:38:33.380 --> 00:38:35.900
you know, you can make cake for your husband

734
00:38:35.900 --> 00:38:37.700
or your children and you're like,

735
00:38:37.700 --> 00:38:39.260
oh, I had none of the cupcakes,

736
00:38:39.260 --> 00:38:41.780
but you forgot that you licked the bowl like four times.

737
00:38:41.780 --> 00:38:45.500
So you probably ate 300 calories just by licking the bowl.

738
00:38:45.500 --> 00:38:47.280
And so the same applies here

739
00:38:47.280 --> 00:38:49.180
when you're putting together your budget.

740
00:38:49.180 --> 00:38:52.140
If you're gonna look at your budget for a month,

741
00:38:52.140 --> 00:38:55.100
you've got to look at every little thing

742
00:38:55.100 --> 00:38:56.900
that you spend money on.

743
00:38:56.900 --> 00:39:01.460
The first month is just about becoming honest with yourself.

744
00:39:01.460 --> 00:39:03.560
I'm not even asking you to change your habit

745
00:39:03.560 --> 00:39:04.540
in the first month.

746
00:39:04.540 --> 00:39:08.140
The first month, we're just asking you to look at it.

747
00:39:08.140 --> 00:39:10.940
I can tell you some of the suggestions,

748
00:39:10.940 --> 00:39:13.220
and then once you take a look at it,

749
00:39:13.220 --> 00:39:15.700
are you spending more than you're making?

750
00:39:16.540 --> 00:39:19.460
Can anything come off that list?

751
00:39:19.460 --> 00:39:21.840
If nothing can come off that list

752
00:39:21.840 --> 00:39:23.900
and you've already tweaked it,

753
00:39:23.900 --> 00:39:26.660
are you willing to get another part-time job?

754
00:39:26.660 --> 00:39:28.060
There are so many ways.

755
00:39:28.060 --> 00:39:31.540
Jackie has been so honest about her days with DoorDash

756
00:39:31.540 --> 00:39:32.780
and stuff over the years.

757
00:39:32.780 --> 00:39:35.060
Are you willing to do a side hustle?

758
00:39:35.060 --> 00:39:38.320
DoorDash, Uber, grocery shopper, retail, restaurant,

759
00:39:38.320 --> 00:39:41.380
dog walking, y'all, you can make 20 bucks an hour

760
00:39:41.380 --> 00:39:43.820
walking a dog for like a lunch break.

761
00:39:43.820 --> 00:39:46.580
You can make some serious cash walking dogs.

762
00:39:48.020 --> 00:39:50.020
If you truly do not make enough money,

763
00:39:50.020 --> 00:39:54.180
you're gonna have to think about a way and humble yourself.

764
00:39:54.180 --> 00:39:57.300
Y'all, I have been willing to do just about anything

765
00:39:57.300 --> 00:39:58.900
in different seasons of my life.

766
00:39:58.900 --> 00:40:00.300
I'll go clean the toilets.

767
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.880
if I have to, like, do not be so prideful

768
00:40:03.880 --> 00:40:06.280
that you're not willing to do what it takes

769
00:40:06.280 --> 00:40:09.920
to match your revenue with your expenses.

770
00:40:09.920 --> 00:40:13.720
The other tip that a lot of investors will tell you to do

771
00:40:13.720 --> 00:40:16.740
is if you are miscellaneous spending,

772
00:40:16.740 --> 00:40:19.880
that miscellaneous spending is through the roof,

773
00:40:19.880 --> 00:40:21.320
do it in cash.

774
00:40:21.320 --> 00:40:23.800
We live in a Venmo debit card world

775
00:40:23.800 --> 00:40:26.880
and the data is clear that we spend, spend, spend

776
00:40:26.880 --> 00:40:29.640
because we don't see the cash dwindling down.

777
00:40:29.680 --> 00:40:31.880
And so after you do your budget,

778
00:40:31.880 --> 00:40:33.320
you found that, oh my gosh,

779
00:40:33.320 --> 00:40:36.120
I spend 500 bucks just on miscellaneous crap.

780
00:40:36.120 --> 00:40:38.920
Like I just whip out my debit card, I just whip it out.

781
00:40:38.920 --> 00:40:41.760
I want you to consider pulling out $400

782
00:40:41.760 --> 00:40:44.040
at the beginning of the month in cash

783
00:40:44.040 --> 00:40:46.520
and start learning how to pay cash everywhere you go.

784
00:40:46.520 --> 00:40:48.920
Believe it or not, some of us are old enough.

785
00:40:48.920 --> 00:40:51.560
That's actually the way we used to have to pay for stuff.

786
00:40:51.560 --> 00:40:55.600
And so if you definitely use your debit card too much

787
00:40:55.600 --> 00:40:59.120
or Venmo too much or online spending too much,

788
00:40:59.560 --> 00:41:02.880
I encourage you to consider cash as a way to do it.

789
00:41:02.880 --> 00:41:05.360
So learning to live within your means,

790
00:41:05.360 --> 00:41:06.760
that's super important.

791
00:41:06.760 --> 00:41:09.920
The other is invest wisely.

792
00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:11.280
I will say this to you guys,

793
00:41:11.280 --> 00:41:14.480
I was so embarrassed to go meet with a financial planner.

794
00:41:14.480 --> 00:41:16.680
How many people think you have to have a lot of money

795
00:41:16.680 --> 00:41:18.520
to go meet with a financial planner?

796
00:41:20.400 --> 00:41:21.320
Right?

797
00:41:21.320 --> 00:41:23.320
There's a lot of shame around that.

798
00:41:23.320 --> 00:41:24.600
Like, it's kind of like,

799
00:41:24.600 --> 00:41:26.800
you know how people believe you got to clean your house

800
00:41:26.800 --> 00:41:28.880
before the cleaning person comes over

801
00:41:29.640 --> 00:41:30.480
because you don't want the cleaning person

802
00:41:30.480 --> 00:41:32.400
to see how messy your house is.

803
00:41:32.400 --> 00:41:34.320
So you clean before they come over.

804
00:41:34.320 --> 00:41:35.760
That's how a lot of us feel

805
00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:37.860
about meeting with a financial planner.

806
00:41:37.860 --> 00:41:39.480
You guys, that's what they're there for.

807
00:41:39.480 --> 00:41:41.480
If you think that like, oh my gosh,

808
00:41:41.480 --> 00:41:42.840
I don't have enough money,

809
00:41:42.840 --> 00:41:46.160
go contact your local library,

810
00:41:46.160 --> 00:41:48.800
contact your community resource center,

811
00:41:48.800 --> 00:41:51.080
and you will find that there are churches,

812
00:41:51.080 --> 00:41:54.240
financial planners that will help you sit down

813
00:41:54.240 --> 00:41:56.800
with your budget no matter what your budget is.

814
00:41:56.800 --> 00:41:58.600
Even if it's like a hot mess,

815
00:41:59.560 --> 00:42:02.520
if you don't know how to manage your finances,

816
00:42:02.520 --> 00:42:04.680
just like if you don't know how to manage your health

817
00:42:04.680 --> 00:42:07.520
or your nutrition or your exercise,

818
00:42:07.520 --> 00:42:08.640
you're going to go get help.

819
00:42:08.640 --> 00:42:10.240
So if everything I'm saying tonight

820
00:42:10.240 --> 00:42:11.880
has made you like kind of queasy,

821
00:42:11.880 --> 00:42:13.820
and you're just like, I don't even know where to begin.

822
00:42:13.820 --> 00:42:15.240
Renee, I'm not a finance person.

823
00:42:15.240 --> 00:42:16.440
I don't even know how to use Excel.

824
00:42:16.440 --> 00:42:18.120
It's like, that's really pretty that you show that to me,

825
00:42:18.120 --> 00:42:19.400
but I got nothing.

826
00:42:19.400 --> 00:42:21.320
So then that's why you need to sit down

827
00:42:21.320 --> 00:42:25.960
and be willing to let other people help you and guide you.

828
00:42:25.960 --> 00:42:29.120
They will help put you on a budget.

829
00:42:29.120 --> 00:42:30.840
So don't wait to do that.

830
00:42:30.840 --> 00:42:32.420
I will say this to you guys,

831
00:42:32.420 --> 00:42:33.920
and this is especially if you're younger

832
00:42:33.920 --> 00:42:36.760
and you're working for a company with 401k.

833
00:42:36.760 --> 00:42:40.200
You guys, I of course was the CEO of Hope Clinic,

834
00:42:40.200 --> 00:42:43.640
and I used to see how much people invested in our 401k.

835
00:42:43.640 --> 00:42:47.880
Hope Clinic matched up to 8% of people's 401k.

836
00:42:47.880 --> 00:42:50.000
Do you know how many people never,

837
00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:52.360
ever took any of that money?

838
00:42:52.360 --> 00:42:55.920
I would budget for it in our expenses year after year.

839
00:42:56.760 --> 00:42:59.440
Everybody taking the full 8%.

840
00:42:59.440 --> 00:43:04.440
I'm lucky if a third of the people took 2%.

841
00:43:05.160 --> 00:43:08.920
So you are leaving money on the table.

842
00:43:08.920 --> 00:43:10.640
I don't care if you've only got 10 bucks

843
00:43:10.640 --> 00:43:13.840
to put in your 401k, but if your company is matching,

844
00:43:13.840 --> 00:43:16.040
you are throwing money away

845
00:43:16.040 --> 00:43:18.180
by not investing any of that money.

846
00:43:19.560 --> 00:43:22.760
So that's what we wanna talk about, living with your means.

847
00:43:22.760 --> 00:43:26.280
So it's living within your means and investing wisely.

848
00:43:26.280 --> 00:43:29.600
The second one is eliminating debt.

849
00:43:29.600 --> 00:43:32.120
We really need to learn how to eliminate debt.

850
00:43:32.120 --> 00:43:34.280
Let me read you two verses on that.

851
00:43:34.280 --> 00:43:36.840
Proverbs 22, seven.

852
00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:38.700
The rich rules over the poor,

853
00:43:38.700 --> 00:43:42.760
and the borrower is a slave of the lender.

854
00:43:42.760 --> 00:43:44.960
Romans 13, eight.

855
00:43:44.960 --> 00:43:47.960
Oh, no one anything except to love each other

856
00:43:47.960 --> 00:43:51.960
for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.

857
00:43:51.960 --> 00:43:55.200
So you're like, okay, great, Renee, how do I do that?

858
00:43:55.200 --> 00:43:57.600
You know, actually one of the,

859
00:43:57.600 --> 00:44:00.920
I'm not a, Dave Ramsey does financial freedom.

860
00:44:00.920 --> 00:44:03.080
I'm not like, and he's actually right down the street

861
00:44:03.080 --> 00:44:04.840
from me and actually know him.

862
00:44:04.840 --> 00:44:06.960
I don't love everything that Dave Ramsey says.

863
00:44:06.960 --> 00:44:09.320
I think some debt is good, like a mortgage debt,

864
00:44:09.320 --> 00:44:12.040
but his financial freedom is a great program.

865
00:44:12.040 --> 00:44:15.080
And believe it or not, there are programs like that again,

866
00:44:15.080 --> 00:44:17.520
that are free for you through your library,

867
00:44:17.520 --> 00:44:19.520
through your community.

868
00:44:19.520 --> 00:44:23.600
One of the ways that he encourages for you to do that

869
00:44:23.600 --> 00:44:25.320
is kind of like that snowball effect.

870
00:44:25.320 --> 00:44:27.600
If you've got five credit cards,

871
00:44:27.600 --> 00:44:30.200
you pay minimum on the larger ones,

872
00:44:30.200 --> 00:44:33.920
and you look at the one with the smallest balance,

873
00:44:33.920 --> 00:44:36.560
and you're gonna start to pay that one off first.

874
00:44:36.560 --> 00:44:39.640
So say everything else gets, you know, a hundred bucks,

875
00:44:39.640 --> 00:44:40.840
but you're gonna put, you know,

876
00:44:40.840 --> 00:44:43.820
150 bucks a month or whatever towards this one.

877
00:44:43.820 --> 00:44:46.020
And then as soon as you pay off that one,

878
00:44:46.020 --> 00:44:48.880
you take the money that was going into that one

879
00:44:48.880 --> 00:44:50.400
and add it to the next one.

880
00:44:50.400 --> 00:44:52.240
And then you can add it to the next one.

881
00:44:52.240 --> 00:44:53.880
Sometimes people are gonna pick the one

882
00:44:53.880 --> 00:44:56.160
with the highest percent.

883
00:44:56.160 --> 00:44:58.180
If you own a home,

884
00:44:58.180 --> 00:45:00.280
you may wanna consider getting a home.

885
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.880
equity loan to consolidate all of that debt. Because if you're paying a 22% credit card fee

886
00:45:06.880 --> 00:45:12.400
and you can get a home equity loan for 8%, you're going to immediately start saving money. Now,

887
00:45:12.400 --> 00:45:17.360
that doesn't mean you keep the credit cards going while you're working off the home equity loan.

888
00:45:17.360 --> 00:45:21.600
It means you shut down the credit cards while you pay off the home equity loan.

889
00:45:23.120 --> 00:45:28.400
I know other people have consolidated onto one credit card. They've transferred all the balances

890
00:45:28.400 --> 00:45:33.200
to one credit card and they closed all of the other ones out. The other thing that you guys

891
00:45:33.200 --> 00:45:38.080
can do, even though sometimes it's good to have a credit card, you can actually call them and

892
00:45:38.080 --> 00:45:43.040
lower the balance. So sometimes if you've been racking up credit card debt, they might go,

893
00:45:43.040 --> 00:45:48.560
oh my gosh, you just qualified for $25,000. You call them and you're like, get no, don't give me

894
00:45:48.560 --> 00:45:54.400
a $25,000 credit limit. You're going to knock that sucker back. And so you want to be able to do that.

895
00:45:55.280 --> 00:46:00.480
The other thing that Dave Ramsey will talk about is while you're paying off your debt,

896
00:46:01.120 --> 00:46:04.960
and I didn't really believe this for the longest time, but it really makes sense.

897
00:46:04.960 --> 00:46:09.600
For the longest time, when I was just paying off student loan debt and paying off debt,

898
00:46:09.600 --> 00:46:14.720
I wasn't saving anything and I wasn't putting any money into my 401k. And thank God,

899
00:46:14.720 --> 00:46:19.600
healthy financial people spoke into my life. They're like, start your savings account,

900
00:46:19.600 --> 00:46:24.800
start your 401k while you're paying off your credit card debt. Even if it's just 10 bucks a

901
00:46:24.800 --> 00:46:32.720
month, just start it, just start it. And obviously God talks about, and scripture talks about tithing

902
00:46:32.720 --> 00:46:37.280
10%. And so that's something that you're like, Renee, there's no way in heck I can get to 10%.

903
00:46:38.160 --> 00:46:43.760
So you might be looking at 10%. So I, every month I'm actually looking about like, okay,

904
00:46:43.760 --> 00:46:49.920
Renee, can I have 10% going to my debt? Can I have 10% going to my 401k? And can I have 10%

905
00:46:49.920 --> 00:46:55.520
going to my tie? Maybe I can't right now, but maybe I can start with 1%. Maybe I can start with

906
00:46:55.520 --> 00:47:03.040
$10. But starting the mindset of saving money for your present and saving money for the future is so

907
00:47:03.040 --> 00:47:08.560
important. The reason why we want to save at least that first thousand dollars as a rainy day fund,

908
00:47:08.560 --> 00:47:14.240
you need, like if the tire goes, your HVAC goes, you want to learn that you can start to pay for

909
00:47:14.240 --> 00:47:19.920
that stuff with your own cash and not your credit card. So it's super important that you start to

910
00:47:19.920 --> 00:47:25.360
save money, even while you're paying down debt, you want to be able to do that. So when you got,

911
00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:30.640
when you go back to that budget that we talked about before, if you have zero for savings,

912
00:47:30.640 --> 00:47:36.640
zero for tithing, you're not making enough money. You want to make sure that you make enough to put

913
00:47:36.640 --> 00:47:44.560
a little bit towards it. And then the next principle is to give generously. So I want to

914
00:47:44.560 --> 00:47:50.640
teach you to give generously. That's how you have an abundant life. Matthew 6, 19 to 21,

915
00:47:50.640 --> 00:47:56.080
do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves

916
00:47:56.080 --> 00:48:02.000
break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven where neither moth nor rust

917
00:48:02.000 --> 00:48:07.680
destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your

918
00:48:07.680 --> 00:48:15.600
heart will also be. And then Acts 2, 44 to 45, and all who believed were together and had all things

919
00:48:15.600 --> 00:48:21.040
in common and they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to

920
00:48:21.040 --> 00:48:28.240
all as any had need. And so I want you to think about, and you know, when I, when I always would

921
00:48:28.240 --> 00:48:33.040
do the ask at the big fundraising event, I always used to say, I would like you to now consider

922
00:48:33.040 --> 00:48:39.200
giving your time talents and treasures. So sometimes when you don't have the money, that

923
00:48:39.200 --> 00:48:46.080
nonprofit, your church would love your time. They would love your talent. Say you have a business

924
00:48:46.080 --> 00:48:50.960
and you're like, oh my gosh, you know, I've got this great bookkeeping business. I can donate

925
00:48:50.960 --> 00:48:56.160
two hours a week to my church, or I could do this. You know, like right now you guys, I'm going to

926
00:48:56.160 --> 00:49:02.400
seminary. So I am not working full time. I am not giving financially to my church like I normally do.

927
00:49:02.400 --> 00:49:08.320
So I make sure I go donate three hours a week. I go help in operations behind the scenes. Nobody

928
00:49:08.320 --> 00:49:13.840
sees me. It's grunt work, but it's stuff that I know how to do. And they're so grateful that I'm

929
00:49:13.840 --> 00:49:18.960
willing to give of my time because you guys, I know what my hourly rate is when I'm working. So

930
00:49:18.960 --> 00:49:23.520
it's like, uh, when I look at how many hours I'm donating to the church in the middle of the week

931
00:49:23.520 --> 00:49:28.480
with this kind of grunt work, I'm like, they're getting a really good tie that of that. So always

932
00:49:28.480 --> 00:49:34.560
consider how you can give your time, your talents and your treasures. All right. I'm going to bump

933
00:49:34.560 --> 00:49:40.480
you into a breakout room now, and I want you to write these questions down. So this is what you're

934
00:49:40.480 --> 00:49:45.360
going to do. You're each going to get, you're going to be in a group of four people and we're going to

935
00:49:45.360 --> 00:49:50.560
leave you there for 20 minutes. And it's like 10 minutes before the hour. So 10 minutes after the

936
00:49:50.560 --> 00:49:55.680
hour, we're going to come back and then we only have like 10 more minutes after that. So I promise

937
00:49:55.680 --> 00:49:59.920
that we're going to kind of make that coming back super important. Here's your first question.

938
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.000
In my home growing up, money was.

939
00:50:06.760 --> 00:50:09.320
In my home growing up, money was.

940
00:50:09.320 --> 00:50:11.560
So make sure you're writing those questions down

941
00:50:11.560 --> 00:50:13.040
because I know once we're gonna break out,

942
00:50:13.040 --> 00:50:14.640
you're not gonna see them.

943
00:50:14.640 --> 00:50:18.020
In my home growing up, money was.

944
00:50:18.020 --> 00:50:19.660
Your second question,

945
00:50:19.660 --> 00:50:23.800
when I think about my financial future, dot, dot, dot.

946
00:50:25.280 --> 00:50:28.560
When I think about my financial future, dot, dot, dot.

947
00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:34.600
Third question, when it comes to money,

948
00:50:34.600 --> 00:50:38.520
I would like to improve my dot, dot, dot.

949
00:50:39.520 --> 00:50:43.000
When it comes to money, I would like to improve my dot,

950
00:50:43.000 --> 00:50:44.360
dot, dot.

951
00:50:44.360 --> 00:50:47.080
And then the fourth and final question,

952
00:50:47.080 --> 00:50:50.360
one or two specific actions I could take

953
00:50:50.360 --> 00:50:55.360
in the next 30 days is dot, dot, dot.

954
00:50:55.520 --> 00:50:59.400
So commit to doing one thing different in the next 30 days.

955
00:50:59.400 --> 00:51:01.000
Now, if you guys are in a completely,

956
00:51:01.000 --> 00:51:03.400
you're like, oh my gosh, I'm in a great financial position.

957
00:51:03.400 --> 00:51:04.320
Just think of one thing.

958
00:51:04.320 --> 00:51:06.340
Maybe God wants you to be more generous.

959
00:51:06.340 --> 00:51:10.300
So the first question in my home growing up, money was.

960
00:51:10.300 --> 00:51:12.820
When I think about my financial future,

961
00:51:12.820 --> 00:51:14.000
that's the second one.

962
00:51:14.000 --> 00:51:15.960
Three, when it comes to money,

963
00:51:15.960 --> 00:51:18.360
I would like to improve dot, dot.

964
00:51:18.360 --> 00:51:20.560
And four, what's one specific action

965
00:51:20.560 --> 00:51:22.520
I can take in the next 30 days.

966
00:51:22.520 --> 00:51:25.040
So we do this breakout just like you do Heart Connect.

967
00:51:25.040 --> 00:51:26.720
There's gonna be four people.

968
00:51:26.720 --> 00:51:30.160
One person, very quickly, be willing to be the leader.

969
00:51:30.160 --> 00:51:31.960
Somebody else be willing to time it.

970
00:51:31.960 --> 00:51:34.680
You get one minute to answer the question.

971
00:51:34.680 --> 00:51:36.100
Top of mind, kind of what,

972
00:51:36.100 --> 00:51:38.380
so this is not a time for you to share your drama,

973
00:51:38.380 --> 00:51:41.480
trauma, financial debt situation with everybody else.

974
00:51:41.480 --> 00:51:44.000
These are really like kind of give your answer

975
00:51:44.000 --> 00:51:45.960
and then call on the next person.

976
00:51:45.960 --> 00:51:48.460
Everybody answers the first question.

977
00:51:48.460 --> 00:51:50.200
Everybody answers the second.

978
00:51:50.200 --> 00:51:51.520
Everybody answers the third.

979
00:51:51.520 --> 00:51:52.600
Everybody answers the fourth.

980
00:51:52.600 --> 00:51:55.540
If you don't get to all four questions, I will say this.

981
00:51:55.540 --> 00:51:57.820
If it looks like you're gonna run out of time,

982
00:51:57.820 --> 00:51:59.120
jump to question number four.

983
00:51:59.120 --> 00:52:02.780
I really want everybody to walk away with an action item.

984
00:52:02.780 --> 00:52:04.980
So I'm gonna get the breakout rooms ready.

985
00:52:04.980 --> 00:52:06.600
While I'm getting that ready,

986
00:52:06.600 --> 00:52:08.540
does anybody have a quick question for me

987
00:52:08.540 --> 00:52:10.300
about the breakout room?

988
00:52:10.300 --> 00:52:13.140
Let's see, we have, let me see how many people we've got.

989
00:52:14.220 --> 00:52:18.300
First, let's see what our head count is.

990
00:52:18.300 --> 00:52:22.940
All right, all right, so 125 groups.

991
00:52:26.540 --> 00:52:28.220
Breakout rooms.

992
00:52:31.700 --> 00:52:32.820
I'm really kind of bummed you guys

993
00:52:32.820 --> 00:52:34.420
because a bunch of people jumped off.

994
00:52:34.420 --> 00:52:39.420
I don't like, talking about money is really hard.

995
00:52:41.060 --> 00:52:43.260
All right, I've opened all the rooms.

996
00:52:43.260 --> 00:52:45.060
You've got 20 minutes.

997
00:52:45.060 --> 00:52:46.500
Go enjoy your time.

998
00:52:46.500 --> 00:52:49.640
Try to be honest, be loving, be kind.

999
00:52:49.640 --> 00:52:51.740
What's said in the room stays in the room.

1000
00:52:56.540 --> 00:52:57.380
Okay.

1001
00:53:09.260 --> 00:53:10.180
Where am I?

1002
00:53:11.020 --> 00:53:13.100
I don't think I've been put in a room.

1003
00:53:13.100 --> 00:53:15.620
Everybody's been put in a room, sweetie.

1004
00:53:15.620 --> 00:53:16.820
Look at you. Where am I?

1005
00:53:18.980 --> 00:53:21.340
There's a thing that's popped up

1006
00:53:21.340 --> 00:53:22.560
that should tell you where to go.

1007
00:53:22.560 --> 00:53:24.820
Some of you guys haven't found your room yet.

1008
00:53:26.540 --> 00:53:29.740
Oh, my window popped up, but then it disappeared.

1009
00:53:48.620 --> 00:53:53.260
Lauren, you need to go, Larissa, you go to room three.

1010
00:53:55.540 --> 00:54:00.540
I'm trying to find you, girl.

1011
00:54:14.580 --> 00:54:16.940
Sarah, you are room 18.

1012
00:54:25.540 --> 00:54:30.540
Sarah, you should have seen something pop up.

1013
00:55:30.000 --> 00:55:55.000
Thank you.

1014
00:55:55.000 --> 00:55:59.000
Candy, did you just hop on?

1015
00:55:59.000 --> 00:56:03.000
Yes, I was on here and then I had to hop off for a few minutes.

1016
00:56:03.000 --> 00:56:05.000
Let me bump you into.

1017
00:56:05.000 --> 00:56:12.000
Let me see if I like, let me bump you into. There's a group that only has two people let me bump you into 24.

1018
00:56:12.000 --> 00:56:14.000
Okay, what are they doing?

1019
00:56:14.000 --> 00:56:20.000
Oh, they're answering some questions that they haven't written down. So go on over there. Yep. Great. Thanks.

1020
00:56:42.000 --> 00:56:56.000
Okay.

1021
00:56:56.000 --> 00:57:02.000
Hi, I think I got kicked out or something happened I've been trying to log back in. Is there a group for me.

1022
00:57:02.000 --> 00:57:10.000
Yeah, there's one that's only got a few people in it so let me bump you to room 24, because I just sent candy there too so.

1023
00:57:10.000 --> 00:57:11.000
Here you go.

1024
00:57:40.000 --> 00:58:08.000
Okay.

1025
00:58:08.000 --> 00:58:36.000
Okay.

1026
00:58:36.000 --> 00:59:04.000
Okay.

1027
00:59:04.000 --> 00:59:32.000
Okay.

1028
00:59:32.000 --> 00:59:51.000
Okay.

1029
00:59:51.000 --> 01:00:00.000
Okay, well we are back from our breakout and as soon as I'm done with this summary of what's appropriate to ask at each stage of the dating relationship.

1030
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:01.240
I wanna hear from you guys.

1031
01:00:01.240 --> 01:00:03.840
I was able to actually scan the chat

1032
01:00:03.840 --> 01:00:05.600
while you all were in the breakout

1033
01:00:05.600 --> 01:00:07.600
and you guys had some really good suggestions,

1034
01:00:07.600 --> 01:00:09.600
really good ideas, really good answers

1035
01:00:09.600 --> 01:00:11.080
and I'm really proud of you.

1036
01:00:11.080 --> 01:00:13.520
I know finance is not a sexy topic.

1037
01:00:13.520 --> 01:00:14.360
It's not easy.

1038
01:00:14.360 --> 01:00:17.160
We would rather be talking about fun dating

1039
01:00:17.160 --> 01:00:19.320
and like woo-hoo kind of fun stuff.

1040
01:00:19.320 --> 01:00:23.120
But you guys, finances can be like the number one,

1041
01:00:23.120 --> 01:00:25.800
if not number two reason why people get a divorce

1042
01:00:25.800 --> 01:00:29.920
or their marriage falls apart because it impacts.

1043
01:00:29.920 --> 01:00:32.080
So many areas of a relationship.

1044
01:00:32.080 --> 01:00:35.640
And so no matter where you're at with your finances,

1045
01:00:35.640 --> 01:00:38.800
you wanna just have an honest time with God about that.

1046
01:00:38.800 --> 01:00:42.080
And so I'm so grateful that you all stayed and you are here.

1047
01:00:42.080 --> 01:00:44.440
So we're gonna talk about the kinds of questions

1048
01:00:44.440 --> 01:00:47.160
you can ask at level two dating,

1049
01:00:47.160 --> 01:00:51.360
level two early, later, level three early, later.

1050
01:00:51.360 --> 01:00:53.500
Okay, so level two early dating.

1051
01:00:53.500 --> 01:00:56.120
So remember, if you're coming here from phase two,

1052
01:00:56.120 --> 01:00:56.960
you're in phase two, you're like,

1053
01:00:56.960 --> 01:00:58.760
I don't remember what level two is.

1054
01:00:58.760 --> 01:01:01.600
Level two is discovery dating.

1055
01:01:01.600 --> 01:01:03.640
Okay, so it's discovery dating.

1056
01:01:03.640 --> 01:01:06.160
You're talking to more than one person.

1057
01:01:06.160 --> 01:01:09.040
So let me be clear, and this is not just money,

1058
01:01:09.040 --> 01:01:11.840
nothing in the first month,

1059
01:01:11.840 --> 01:01:13.800
you're not asking financial questions

1060
01:01:13.800 --> 01:01:16.760
in the first month or two of getting to know somebody,

1061
01:01:16.760 --> 01:01:19.040
level two discovery dating.

1062
01:01:19.040 --> 01:01:22.760
This is not the time to go into deep conversations

1063
01:01:22.760 --> 01:01:27.760
about your exes, your finances, sex, your trauma,

1064
01:01:29.680 --> 01:01:30.960
and your triggers.

1065
01:01:30.960 --> 01:01:34.840
You guys are telling your dates too soon

1066
01:01:34.840 --> 01:01:36.360
about your triggers.

1067
01:01:36.360 --> 01:01:38.000
Like, oh my gosh, that's a trigger.

1068
01:01:38.000 --> 01:01:41.120
Well, you can't explain a trigger

1069
01:01:41.120 --> 01:01:43.240
without telling the trauma.

1070
01:01:43.240 --> 01:01:46.840
So that is not level two discovery dating.

1071
01:01:46.840 --> 01:01:50.240
That is just not level two discovery dating.

1072
01:01:50.240 --> 01:01:51.940
Oh, Jen, I'm so glad to hear that.

1073
01:01:53.120 --> 01:01:56.680
And so keep it light.

1074
01:01:56.680 --> 01:01:58.600
So remember, level two dating

1075
01:01:58.600 --> 01:02:01.480
is getting to know who they are today.

1076
01:02:01.480 --> 01:02:03.160
When you talk about your past,

1077
01:02:03.160 --> 01:02:04.840
it's like, where do you went to school?

1078
01:02:04.840 --> 01:02:05.980
What did you do growing up?

1079
01:02:05.980 --> 01:02:07.800
What kind of activities did you do?

1080
01:02:07.800 --> 01:02:09.360
What kind of hobbies did you have?

1081
01:02:09.360 --> 01:02:11.600
What are your favorite memories?

1082
01:02:11.600 --> 01:02:13.760
You know, where did you live?

1083
01:02:13.760 --> 01:02:17.420
When you talk about your past, it's always high level.

1084
01:02:17.420 --> 01:02:18.720
Like, where do you like to do?

1085
01:02:18.720 --> 01:02:20.160
Like, what is important to you today?

1086
01:02:20.160 --> 01:02:21.200
What do you wanna do in the future?

1087
01:02:21.200 --> 01:02:24.240
So level two discovery dating, high level.

1088
01:02:24.240 --> 01:02:28.560
It's really hard in the early part of level two dating

1089
01:02:28.560 --> 01:02:30.400
to go into finances.

1090
01:02:30.400 --> 01:02:33.560
But now you're like, okay, I'm a month in,

1091
01:02:33.560 --> 01:02:36.080
I'm four dates in with this gal or guy.

1092
01:02:36.080 --> 01:02:38.620
We're talking about being exclusive,

1093
01:02:38.620 --> 01:02:40.200
but I need to know that like,

1094
01:02:40.200 --> 01:02:42.200
and Janet, I think there's a couple of people on here.

1095
01:02:42.200 --> 01:02:44.440
You're like, been there, done that.

1096
01:02:44.440 --> 01:02:46.220
I'm not dating a guy with debt.

1097
01:02:46.220 --> 01:02:48.320
And I feel y'all, like I do,

1098
01:02:48.320 --> 01:02:51.240
because, you know, even Jackie has joked around

1099
01:02:51.240 --> 01:02:53.080
about like where they were financially

1100
01:02:53.080 --> 01:02:54.320
when her and David first met.

1101
01:02:54.320 --> 01:02:56.000
I'm like, yeah, but you were 32.

1102
01:02:56.000 --> 01:02:58.040
Like, I'm 56 years old.

1103
01:02:58.040 --> 01:03:03.040
So like, it way matters now than it did 20 years ago.

1104
01:03:03.040 --> 01:03:05.680
Like, there's a lot more time to catch up.

1105
01:03:05.680 --> 01:03:08.940
And so I get, if you're in your fifties or sixties,

1106
01:03:08.940 --> 01:03:10.720
that where somebody is financially

1107
01:03:10.720 --> 01:03:13.100
and how they handle money matters.

1108
01:03:13.100 --> 01:03:14.820
Because if they're in their sixties,

1109
01:03:14.820 --> 01:03:17.240
they have a lot of these habits that are not changing.

1110
01:03:17.240 --> 01:03:21.720
So here are some questions that are appropriate to ask

1111
01:03:21.720 --> 01:03:24.320
if you're thinking about being exclusive with them.

1112
01:03:24.320 --> 01:03:25.720
So feel free to write them down.

1113
01:03:25.720 --> 01:03:27.840
I got my little scribers.

1114
01:03:27.840 --> 01:03:30.680
You can say, hey, Candy,

1115
01:03:30.680 --> 01:03:34.260
without us disclosing our current financial status,

1116
01:03:34.260 --> 01:03:37.280
I would love to ask, you know, ask some questions

1117
01:03:37.280 --> 01:03:40.480
and let me know if you're open to having this conversation.

1118
01:03:40.480 --> 01:03:42.800
How do you feel about following a budget?

1119
01:03:42.800 --> 01:03:44.040
Do you have a budget?

1120
01:03:44.040 --> 01:03:45.880
Do you like having a budget?

1121
01:03:45.880 --> 01:03:47.280
Do you think it's crazy?

1122
01:03:47.280 --> 01:03:48.580
Do you kind of have one?

1123
01:03:48.580 --> 01:03:50.840
Are you a budget kind of person?

1124
01:03:50.840 --> 01:03:53.400
How do you feel about tithing?

1125
01:03:53.400 --> 01:03:56.500
How do you feel about saving for a rainy day?

1126
01:03:56.500 --> 01:03:58.000
How do you feel about how much

1127
01:03:58.000 --> 01:03:59.720
you wanna have for retirement?

1128
01:03:59.720 --> 01:04:02.640
Do you believe that you're gonna actually get to retire?

1129
01:04:02.640 --> 01:04:05.460
And is any of this a priority to you?

1130
01:04:05.460 --> 01:04:09.500
You guys, it's okay to find out before you go exclusive,

1131
01:04:09.500 --> 01:04:12.080
if you're dating somebody who doesn't believe in tithing.

1132
01:04:12.080 --> 01:04:14.760
And they might say, well, I believe in tithing,

1133
01:04:14.760 --> 01:04:19.100
but like only that 2% or net taxes.

1134
01:04:19.100 --> 01:04:21.740
Like no information they're giving you

1135
01:04:21.740 --> 01:04:24.180
is bad information or wrong information.

1136
01:04:24.180 --> 01:04:26.620
You're just starting to discover

1137
01:04:26.620 --> 01:04:29.580
what their relationship to money is.

1138
01:04:29.580 --> 01:04:33.340
You can also say, how do you feel about using credit cards

1139
01:04:33.340 --> 01:04:35.560
and holding a credit card balance?

1140
01:04:35.560 --> 01:04:39.220
Do you believe in purchasing items that are financed

1141
01:04:39.220 --> 01:04:42.440
like a house, a car, furniture?

1142
01:04:42.440 --> 01:04:45.060
House and a car, pretty normal.

1143
01:04:46.020 --> 01:04:49.420
But furniture, vacations, not so normal.

1144
01:04:49.420 --> 01:04:51.500
But there are some people that don't even believe

1145
01:04:51.500 --> 01:04:53.840
that you should finance a car.

1146
01:04:53.840 --> 01:04:56.340
They kind of feel like you should save money.

1147
01:04:56.340 --> 01:04:58.660
And when you have enough money to pay cash for a car,

1148
01:04:58.660 --> 01:05:00.420
you get a car that at least a few.

1149
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.320
years old. So these are the kinds of questions you can ask in level two. What's your relationship

1150
01:05:06.320 --> 01:05:11.520
with money? Do you follow a budget? How do you feel about tithing, saving, retirement? How do

1151
01:05:11.520 --> 01:05:16.880
you feel about credit cards? Again, you couch it at the front end. You're like, look, I know we're

1152
01:05:16.880 --> 01:05:23.040
not ready to start disclosing our information. I'm just looking to see what you think about this

1153
01:05:23.040 --> 01:05:28.400
stuff. So you want to say it ahead of time because you don't want them to start disclosing their

1154
01:05:28.400 --> 01:05:33.120
money because you might not be ready to disclose your money. Because remember, this is somebody

1155
01:05:33.120 --> 01:05:37.760
that you're not yet in an exclusive relationship. So you've been doing the discovery dating,

1156
01:05:38.960 --> 01:05:44.400
but you're like, I'm not going to even settle in exclusively if we don't feel the same way

1157
01:05:44.400 --> 01:05:49.680
about money. So this is where you start to find out their posture about money. Okay,

1158
01:05:49.680 --> 01:05:56.400
so now you've liked what they've had to say. Now you're in level three, exclusive dating.

1159
01:05:57.040 --> 01:06:02.160
Now, the minute you go exclusive, you don't immediately want to jump the gun on finance,

1160
01:06:02.160 --> 01:06:08.320
just like you don't immediately jump the gun on sex. So the next thing that you're going to ask,

1161
01:06:08.320 --> 01:06:15.360
so this is about midway through. You're starting to have more serious conversations. You might be

1162
01:06:15.360 --> 01:06:21.600
having conversations about parenting. You might be having conversations about, golly, well,

1163
01:06:21.600 --> 01:06:26.080
if we did get married, how do you feel like the mom could be at home? Do you feel like both people

1164
01:06:26.080 --> 01:06:31.520
need to be working? How do you feel about traditional gender roles? Like you might be

1165
01:06:31.520 --> 01:06:37.920
like tossing those questions out there just to feel right. So some of you are, if you're tossing

1166
01:06:37.920 --> 01:06:44.160
those questions out, here are more specific questions you can start to ask. Do you feel

1167
01:06:44.160 --> 01:06:50.320
like you are in target with your financial goals? Are you ahead? Are you behind? Again,

1168
01:06:50.400 --> 01:06:56.480
you're not asking for details in general. What are your, some of your financial goals in the

1169
01:06:56.480 --> 01:07:03.600
next five years? What are your retirement goals? What are some of your financial goals?

1170
01:07:03.600 --> 01:07:08.160
And so you guys, here's how you can say, here's how you can, like, if someone says to you,

1171
01:07:08.160 --> 01:07:12.720
like maybe you're getting that question and you know, you're like, Erin, you're like, oh my gosh,

1172
01:07:12.720 --> 01:07:16.240
what if I got that question? How would I answer that without giving out too much information?

1173
01:07:16.240 --> 01:07:21.760
So here's what I would say for the next five years. All right. So I am in school. So I would

1174
01:07:21.760 --> 01:07:27.200
say, you know what, right now while I'm in seminary, I've actually paused. Like I'm not

1175
01:07:27.200 --> 01:07:34.240
working full-time on purpose. So I have room for school. So I've paused saving and 401k,

1176
01:07:34.800 --> 01:07:40.560
but I am committed to living within my means. I make sure that I'm not going into debt in this

1177
01:07:40.560 --> 01:07:45.920
season. So as soon as I'm out of school, I plan on getting a, you know, being full-time again,

1178
01:07:46.000 --> 01:07:52.880
at least for the next seven years. So I can resume my retirement and my savings. And, you know,

1179
01:07:52.880 --> 01:07:58.480
my goal is to have, you know, enough between that and my social security that I'd be able to live.

1180
01:07:58.480 --> 01:08:03.280
I don't know if I'll be able to do that at 60 or 65 or 70, but you know, kind of, that's my goal.

1181
01:08:03.280 --> 01:08:07.520
So Erin, I've just told you a little bit about my financial situation without telling you exactly

1182
01:08:07.520 --> 01:08:13.280
about my financial situation. Does that make sense? Like it kind of gives you an idea of it,

1183
01:08:13.280 --> 01:08:18.240
but it's not divulging too much. I've not told them how much is in my savings. I've not told

1184
01:08:18.240 --> 01:08:23.120
them how much is in my retirement yet. I'm just starting to give some answers. Here's another

1185
01:08:23.120 --> 01:08:29.359
question. Do you have any areas that you have learned about with finances or you've changed

1186
01:08:29.359 --> 01:08:33.439
in the last few years? Because you might have somebody who might say something like, you know

1187
01:08:33.439 --> 01:08:38.479
what, when I was married the first time we did not budget, we did not plan. And when we got divorced,

1188
01:08:38.479 --> 01:08:43.120
we just both got slaughtered. And I've really been starting over for the last three years. I've

1189
01:08:43.120 --> 01:08:47.840
put myself on a budget, I'm doing this, and I'm really proud of the decisions I've been making in

1190
01:08:47.840 --> 01:08:53.920
the last few years. And I've really, I've plowed my way out of debt and now I'm starting to save.

1191
01:08:53.920 --> 01:09:00.000
Like those are good answers because you're hearing somebody, again, you're not getting the detail of

1192
01:09:00.000 --> 01:09:05.680
how much debt, you're not getting into the detail, but you're starting to hear what their mindset is.

1193
01:09:06.080 --> 01:09:10.160
And now you're getting closer towards the end of maybe this might be the guy.

1194
01:09:10.880 --> 01:09:15.439
Hey, if you were getting remarried again, especially because of what you went through

1195
01:09:15.439 --> 01:09:21.680
in the past, how do you feel about combining assets? Are you a fan of combine everything,

1196
01:09:22.240 --> 01:09:27.680
prenup? Do you feel like there should be three checking account, yours, mine, together?

1197
01:09:28.880 --> 01:09:32.640
You know, how do you feel about that? And, you know, like no pressure. I'm just, you know,

1198
01:09:33.600 --> 01:09:36.240
I'm just curious. You're starting to ask those questions.

1199
01:09:37.120 --> 01:09:41.359
You're level three. Now, again, that's like heading towards the end of level three.

1200
01:09:41.359 --> 01:09:47.120
You're thinking about Simbis, you're thinking about getting engaged. So level three, marriage

1201
01:09:47.120 --> 01:09:52.720
minded, y'all are like pre-engaged. And I will say this, you guys, this is my opinion.

1202
01:09:54.080 --> 01:09:59.440
I think you need to have the hard conversations about finances before you put that ring on

1203
01:09:59.440 --> 01:10:00.000
anyone's phone.

1204
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.320
and you find out.

1205
01:10:01.320 --> 01:10:04.240
You wanna make sure you know what you're getting into.

1206
01:10:04.240 --> 01:10:06.240
So in my last relationship

1207
01:10:06.240 --> 01:10:08.120
that I went all the way through Simbis with

1208
01:10:08.120 --> 01:10:11.920
a couple of years ago, we talked about money.

1209
01:10:11.920 --> 01:10:15.360
I was very transparent about what I was making,

1210
01:10:15.360 --> 01:10:18.000
what my savings were, what my goals were.

1211
01:10:18.000 --> 01:10:22.400
He, in theory, was very transparent with me.

1212
01:10:22.400 --> 01:10:25.580
Although some of the data was not adding up,

1213
01:10:25.580 --> 01:10:27.040
and I'm a finance girl,

1214
01:10:27.040 --> 01:10:29.440
and I could tell some of his answers

1215
01:10:29.440 --> 01:10:32.280
weren't adding up, and we were about to take Simbis,

1216
01:10:32.280 --> 01:10:35.440
and I knew finance was gonna come up and Simbis was like,

1217
01:10:35.440 --> 01:10:37.260
you know, I'm just gonna wait.

1218
01:10:37.260 --> 01:10:39.040
I'm gonna see how this plays out.

1219
01:10:39.040 --> 01:10:41.760
And then we get to the finance section,

1220
01:10:41.760 --> 01:10:43.000
and the finance week.

1221
01:10:43.000 --> 01:10:45.440
And that's when I started to see all the holes

1222
01:10:45.440 --> 01:10:48.680
in his story about the budget and about issues.

1223
01:10:48.680 --> 01:10:51.600
And so here was one of the best questions I ever asked him

1224
01:10:51.600 --> 01:10:55.240
during the financial disclosure conversation.

1225
01:10:55.240 --> 01:10:57.360
If we meet with a financial planner

1226
01:10:57.360 --> 01:10:59.320
and she starts to ask you questions,

1227
01:11:00.160 --> 01:11:01.800
will I find out new information?

1228
01:11:03.160 --> 01:11:05.000
Will I find out new information?

1229
01:11:05.000 --> 01:11:07.440
Because I said, you're trying to trip me up,

1230
01:11:07.440 --> 01:11:08.520
and I'm a finance girl.

1231
01:11:08.520 --> 01:11:10.280
I already know what I'm doing.

1232
01:11:10.280 --> 01:11:13.320
Will, oh no, oh no.

1233
01:11:13.320 --> 01:11:15.160
Okay, okay.

1234
01:11:15.160 --> 01:11:18.060
And y'all, we had a meeting with the financial planner.

1235
01:11:18.060 --> 01:11:20.280
She asked him hardcore questions,

1236
01:11:20.280 --> 01:11:23.520
and I just sat there like this, like popcorn.

1237
01:11:23.520 --> 01:11:25.240
I was just listening to this answer.

1238
01:11:25.240 --> 01:11:27.640
Y'all, he lied, he lied.

1239
01:11:27.640 --> 01:11:28.800
And the bummer was,

1240
01:11:28.800 --> 01:11:31.040
if he had just told me the truth from the get-go,

1241
01:11:31.040 --> 01:11:33.360
it was actually information I could have handled.

1242
01:11:33.360 --> 01:11:34.480
I don't wanna tell his story,

1243
01:11:34.480 --> 01:11:35.320
because it's not.

1244
01:11:37.080 --> 01:11:38.980
All right, let me see who needs to be muted.

1245
01:11:38.980 --> 01:11:41.160
I have a couple of people that need to be muted.

1246
01:11:41.160 --> 01:11:42.000
Let me go.

1247
01:11:43.760 --> 01:11:44.600
Okay.

1248
01:11:45.720 --> 01:11:47.160
And so I wanna make sure.

1249
01:11:47.160 --> 01:11:50.760
So here are some good Simbis marriage type of questions

1250
01:11:50.760 --> 01:11:52.400
that you can start to ask.

1251
01:11:52.400 --> 01:11:54.800
It is now time to start disclosing

1252
01:11:54.800 --> 01:11:56.540
your financial situation,

1253
01:11:56.540 --> 01:11:58.100
your obligation to your ex,

1254
01:11:58.100 --> 01:11:59.860
and your obligation to your children.

1255
01:11:59.860 --> 01:12:01.220
You may have adult children.

1256
01:12:01.220 --> 01:12:03.100
You may have already put them in the will.

1257
01:12:03.100 --> 01:12:04.940
They may already have a trust.

1258
01:12:04.940 --> 01:12:07.380
So if you are talking marriage,

1259
01:12:07.380 --> 01:12:09.140
you are getting ready to get engaged,

1260
01:12:09.140 --> 01:12:10.500
you are in the middle of Simbis,

1261
01:12:10.500 --> 01:12:14.000
you need to start disclosing the truth and the details.

1262
01:12:14.000 --> 01:12:15.420
You need to be prepared

1263
01:12:15.420 --> 01:12:17.860
to visit a financial planner together.

1264
01:12:17.860 --> 01:12:21.340
You need to start making financial goals together.

1265
01:12:21.340 --> 01:12:23.700
And you need to discuss now

1266
01:12:23.700 --> 01:12:24.820
how you guys are gonna manage.

1267
01:12:24.820 --> 01:12:26.740
All those questions we asked at the beginning,

1268
01:12:26.740 --> 01:12:29.660
who's paying the bills, who's managing the budget,

1269
01:12:29.660 --> 01:12:32.940
who's talking about taxes, who's talking about investing.

1270
01:12:32.940 --> 01:12:34.900
That's when you find out, I hate doing it.

1271
01:12:34.900 --> 01:12:36.220
I love doing it.

1272
01:12:36.220 --> 01:12:38.140
That's when you start to find that out.

1273
01:12:38.140 --> 01:12:41.460
So does that help kind of give the tier of questions

1274
01:12:41.460 --> 01:12:43.380
that you start to ask?

1275
01:12:43.380 --> 01:12:45.740
Because this is very personal stuff.

1276
01:12:45.740 --> 01:12:50.540
Women and men have been swindled out of money

1277
01:12:50.540 --> 01:12:54.300
because they've disclosed their financial position too soon,

1278
01:12:54.300 --> 01:12:55.780
or they've been taken advantage of.

1279
01:12:55.780 --> 01:12:58.500
So we wanna make sure you are smart and protective

1280
01:12:58.500 --> 01:13:00.300
with your financial information.

1281
01:13:00.300 --> 01:13:03.280
Okay, I wanna open it up to questions,

1282
01:13:03.280 --> 01:13:06.180
comments, clarifications.

1283
01:13:06.180 --> 01:13:08.620
Just go ahead and raise your avatar hand

1284
01:13:08.620 --> 01:13:10.680
and I will call on you.

1285
01:13:10.680 --> 01:13:12.420
Or if there was something that somebody said

1286
01:13:12.420 --> 01:13:13.500
during the breakout, you're like,

1287
01:13:13.500 --> 01:13:15.260
oh my gosh, that was genius.

1288
01:13:15.260 --> 01:13:17.220
I'm okay if the best thing you learned

1289
01:13:17.220 --> 01:13:18.340
was something in the breakout.

1290
01:13:18.340 --> 01:13:19.780
It don't need to be about me.

1291
01:13:19.780 --> 01:13:22.340
We just wanted to foster good conversation.

1292
01:13:22.340 --> 01:13:24.580
Anything that somebody, Heather, go ahead.

1293
01:13:31.620 --> 01:13:32.940
You're still muted though.

1294
01:13:36.380 --> 01:13:41.380
I just wanted to say your advice about going to a church,

1295
01:13:41.380 --> 01:13:45.300
your own church or community to find financial advisors

1296
01:13:45.300 --> 01:13:46.260
is spot on.

1297
01:13:46.260 --> 01:13:50.340
I was very surprised to find an estate planner guy

1298
01:13:50.340 --> 01:13:51.180
at my church.

1299
01:13:51.180 --> 01:13:54.540
And I'm like, I was intimidated going, you plan estates?

1300
01:13:54.540 --> 01:13:55.780
Well, I'm just a little old me.

1301
01:13:55.780 --> 01:13:58.900
I'm a school teacher, but I don't do spreadsheets.

1302
01:13:58.900 --> 01:14:00.420
And could you just look at my budget?

1303
01:14:00.420 --> 01:14:01.980
And I just gave him everything.

1304
01:14:01.980 --> 01:14:04.820
I did it totally, imperfectly.

1305
01:14:04.820 --> 01:14:06.640
He made the whole budget for me.

1306
01:14:07.580 --> 01:14:09.280
We ended up even talking about dating

1307
01:14:09.280 --> 01:14:11.660
and he and his wife are precious, you know,

1308
01:14:11.660 --> 01:14:13.100
sneaking into my life.

1309
01:14:13.100 --> 01:14:13.940
Yeah.

1310
01:14:13.940 --> 01:14:14.760
I love that, Heather.

1311
01:14:14.760 --> 01:14:16.020
Thank you for saying that because you know what?

1312
01:14:16.020 --> 01:14:19.060
There's a lot of guys that are retired CFOs

1313
01:14:19.060 --> 01:14:21.500
that are on the finance team at the church.

1314
01:14:21.500 --> 01:14:24.940
And that's just their way of giving back to the community.

1315
01:14:24.940 --> 01:14:26.620
That's exactly who he is.

1316
01:14:26.620 --> 01:14:28.340
He used to work for Warner Brothers

1317
01:14:28.340 --> 01:14:31.380
and now he just helps brothers and sisters at church.

1318
01:14:31.380 --> 01:14:32.220
I love it.

1319
01:14:32.220 --> 01:14:33.040
Thank you for that.

1320
01:14:33.040 --> 01:14:35.180
So you guys, everybody can find somebody

1321
01:14:35.180 --> 01:14:36.780
to help them with their finances.

1322
01:14:36.780 --> 01:14:37.620
That's awesome.

1323
01:14:37.620 --> 01:14:40.000
Any other questions, ideas, comments?

1324
01:14:41.820 --> 01:14:42.660
Melissa.

1325
01:14:43.700 --> 01:14:48.380
So just to clarify, were you saying to have a lot

1326
01:14:48.420 --> 01:14:49.940
of the financial conversations

1327
01:14:49.940 --> 01:14:52.260
before the ring goes on your finger?

1328
01:14:52.260 --> 01:14:54.380
Hey, that's just me.

1329
01:14:54.380 --> 01:14:57.940
I mean, I feel like I am not gonna,

1330
01:14:57.940 --> 01:15:00.060
I feel like at 56 years old, I.

1331
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.280
I'm not gonna say yes to marriage.

1332
01:15:02.280 --> 01:15:05.440
If I say yes to marriage and then a day later,

1333
01:15:05.440 --> 01:15:08.880
I find out that he's a million dollars in debt,

1334
01:15:08.880 --> 01:15:10.000
I got a problem with that.

1335
01:15:10.000 --> 01:15:12.480
Or he owes the IRS a half a million dollars

1336
01:15:12.480 --> 01:15:15.300
or he's not filed his taxes in five years.

1337
01:15:15.300 --> 01:15:16.480
I got a problem with that.

1338
01:15:16.480 --> 01:15:19.160
Like for me, finance is a pretty big thing.

1339
01:15:19.160 --> 01:15:22.000
So for me, I can't tell you guys that,

1340
01:15:22.000 --> 01:15:25.960
but for me, I think you need to start unpacking

1341
01:15:25.960 --> 01:15:28.440
some conversation about that.

1342
01:15:28.440 --> 01:15:33.120
Now, I'm not saying that he's shown you his bank statement,

1343
01:15:33.120 --> 01:15:34.480
but he's giving you an idea.

1344
01:15:34.480 --> 01:15:36.640
You guys are being really clear at this point.

1345
01:15:36.640 --> 01:15:38.640
I'm not saying you've showed W-2s

1346
01:15:38.640 --> 01:15:40.300
and you've showed your bank statements,

1347
01:15:40.300 --> 01:15:43.480
but you've been very, very honest with where you're at.

1348
01:15:43.480 --> 01:15:44.680
That's just me.

1349
01:15:44.680 --> 01:15:47.480
Now again, I'm not saying you whip out

1350
01:15:47.480 --> 01:15:48.840
your account statements.

1351
01:15:48.840 --> 01:15:52.000
I'm saying you have the very honest conversation.

1352
01:15:52.000 --> 01:15:53.720
Here's how much money I make.

1353
01:15:53.720 --> 01:15:56.280
Here's how much I have in savings in my retirement.

1354
01:15:56.280 --> 01:15:57.920
Here's how much I have in debt.

1355
01:15:57.920 --> 01:16:00.840
So you're starting to be more verbally honest

1356
01:16:00.840 --> 01:16:03.140
about your financial position.

1357
01:16:03.140 --> 01:16:04.560
I think that's very different

1358
01:16:04.560 --> 01:16:06.560
than handing over account codes.

1359
01:16:06.560 --> 01:16:07.760
Okay, make sense?

1360
01:16:07.760 --> 01:16:08.960
Oh yeah, yeah.

1361
01:16:08.960 --> 01:16:09.880
Thank you.

1362
01:16:09.880 --> 01:16:11.360
You bet.

1363
01:16:11.360 --> 01:16:12.200
Alani.

1364
01:16:14.680 --> 01:16:16.160
Hey Renee, thanks so much.

1365
01:16:17.620 --> 01:16:18.600
Let's see.

1366
01:16:18.600 --> 01:16:20.640
I don't quite have my question formulated,

1367
01:16:20.640 --> 01:16:23.560
but I did write an update on this topic

1368
01:16:23.560 --> 01:16:25.480
on the weekly roll call.

1369
01:16:25.480 --> 01:16:29.800
And the topic of what do you do for a living came up

1370
01:16:29.800 --> 01:16:32.600
and how his lifestyle is came up.

1371
01:16:32.600 --> 01:16:35.080
And I wasn't judging him,

1372
01:16:35.080 --> 01:16:37.440
but I could tell off the bat

1373
01:16:37.440 --> 01:16:41.760
that I was worried that he was not gonna be the type

1374
01:16:41.760 --> 01:16:44.840
that could provide if I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom

1375
01:16:45.720 --> 01:16:47.760
when kids came or something.

1376
01:16:47.760 --> 01:16:51.920
So I was not gonna give him another date.

1377
01:16:51.920 --> 01:16:53.920
The advice that was given to me

1378
01:16:53.920 --> 01:16:55.400
was like, give him another chance.

1379
01:16:55.400 --> 01:16:58.840
Like, how do I know his financial state, et cetera?

1380
01:16:58.840 --> 01:17:01.920
But I was already like, no, thanks.

1381
01:17:01.920 --> 01:17:02.960
Just curious.

1382
01:17:02.960 --> 01:17:03.800
I would say this,

1383
01:17:03.800 --> 01:17:06.960
don't assume to know what their financial position is.

1384
01:17:06.960 --> 01:17:09.700
You don't know how much he's made in investments.

1385
01:17:09.700 --> 01:17:11.700
You don't know how much money he's getting.

1386
01:17:11.700 --> 01:17:13.280
He might be getting like,

1387
01:17:13.280 --> 01:17:14.920
his parents might have them in their will

1388
01:17:14.920 --> 01:17:16.560
and he's getting a million dollars.

1389
01:17:16.560 --> 01:17:18.500
He might be getting, he might be coming into money.

1390
01:17:18.500 --> 01:17:19.340
So you don't know.

1391
01:17:19.340 --> 01:17:20.540
So I think it's okay.

1392
01:17:20.540 --> 01:17:23.760
But here's a great way to ask that question early.

1393
01:17:24.600 --> 01:17:25.520
Like you're dating a guy and you're not sure,

1394
01:17:25.520 --> 01:17:28.520
like, hey, are you considering,

1395
01:17:28.520 --> 01:17:30.840
are you open to having children one day?

1396
01:17:30.840 --> 01:17:32.900
Cause I would like to have children one day.

1397
01:17:32.900 --> 01:17:33.740
Yes, yes.

1398
01:17:33.740 --> 01:17:35.120
Cause that's a question you would kind of ask

1399
01:17:35.120 --> 01:17:37.200
pretty early on, right?

1400
01:17:37.200 --> 01:17:41.240
Hey, how do you feel about the wife staying home?

1401
01:17:41.240 --> 01:17:44.760
Is that something that you would be supportive of?

1402
01:17:44.760 --> 01:17:46.520
Oh yeah, I would totally be supportive.

1403
01:17:46.520 --> 01:17:49.560
So like, do you feel like you would be okay

1404
01:17:49.560 --> 01:17:52.320
then being the major breadwinner of a marriage

1405
01:17:52.320 --> 01:17:54.560
if your wife was staying at home?

1406
01:17:54.560 --> 01:17:57.240
That's how you can ask the conversation

1407
01:17:57.240 --> 01:17:59.760
to kind of see how he feels about that,

1408
01:17:59.760 --> 01:18:01.040
because that's his opinion,

1409
01:18:01.040 --> 01:18:03.120
whether it's you or somebody else.

1410
01:18:04.000 --> 01:18:07.380
So the truth is you may have already felt enough no's,

1411
01:18:07.380 --> 01:18:08.920
but we just never know, right?

1412
01:18:08.920 --> 01:18:09.880
Like we never know.

1413
01:18:09.880 --> 01:18:11.600
Not to mention you guys,

1414
01:18:11.600 --> 01:18:14.160
don't assume because like somebody's blue collar

1415
01:18:14.160 --> 01:18:15.320
that they can't make it.

1416
01:18:15.320 --> 01:18:17.080
Like my, both of my,

1417
01:18:17.080 --> 01:18:19.760
I come from a family of blue collar workers.

1418
01:18:19.760 --> 01:18:23.080
My brother owns an electrician business.

1419
01:18:23.080 --> 01:18:26.160
He has put three kids through college.

1420
01:18:26.160 --> 01:18:27.640
He just paid for two weddings.

1421
01:18:27.640 --> 01:18:31.440
His mortgage is paid off and Melissa has never had to work.

1422
01:18:31.440 --> 01:18:35.540
So don't assume that because his hands are dirty

1423
01:18:35.540 --> 01:18:39.680
and he doesn't wear a suit that he can't pull in the dough.

1424
01:18:39.680 --> 01:18:40.520
Tiffany.

1425
01:18:41.520 --> 01:18:44.940
Hey, so this is just an opinion.

1426
01:18:44.940 --> 01:18:48.740
If you choose to go down the prenup route,

1427
01:18:48.740 --> 01:18:50.140
which I don't necessarily believe in,

1428
01:18:50.140 --> 01:18:51.780
well, I really don't believe in prenups,

1429
01:18:51.780 --> 01:18:52.620
but if you choose to.

1430
01:18:52.620 --> 01:18:54.380
I don't either, but I figured it's a question

1431
01:18:54.380 --> 01:18:55.300
people might ask.

1432
01:18:55.300 --> 01:18:56.140
Right.

1433
01:18:56.140 --> 01:18:58.920
If someone chooses to do it,

1434
01:18:58.920 --> 01:19:01.340
pay attention to the negotiation phase of it

1435
01:19:01.340 --> 01:19:03.580
and who's negotiating for him.

1436
01:19:03.580 --> 01:19:05.100
Is it him negotiating?

1437
01:19:05.100 --> 01:19:06.780
Is it his lawyer?

1438
01:19:06.780 --> 01:19:08.380
And pay attention to how they talk to you.

1439
01:19:08.380 --> 01:19:11.500
Pay attention to what you will not get

1440
01:19:11.500 --> 01:19:13.460
and how they, because people can say

1441
01:19:13.460 --> 01:19:14.300
whatever they want to say,

1442
01:19:14.300 --> 01:19:16.380
but when they're kind of going through a divorce

1443
01:19:16.380 --> 01:19:18.220
and I've never been married or divorced,

1444
01:19:18.620 --> 01:19:20.580
but sometimes people don't care about you

1445
01:19:20.580 --> 01:19:22.660
when they're going through a divorce and they're not nice.

1446
01:19:22.660 --> 01:19:26.180
So just pay attention to that negotiation phase.

1447
01:19:26.180 --> 01:19:30.660
And if it gets lengthy, you might not want to do it.

1448
01:19:30.660 --> 01:19:32.260
I mean, speaking from experience,

1449
01:19:32.260 --> 01:19:36.220
it's like, what am I doing here?

1450
01:19:36.220 --> 01:19:37.040
It's really good.

1451
01:19:37.040 --> 01:19:39.960
I feel like the negotiation in any kind of contract,

1452
01:19:39.960 --> 01:19:42.280
the longer a negotiation takes,

1453
01:19:42.280 --> 01:19:44.100
the more that negotiations can happen.

1454
01:19:44.100 --> 01:19:45.860
Even when I've tried to hire people,

1455
01:19:45.860 --> 01:19:48.820
the longer that contract negotiation goes on,

1456
01:19:48.820 --> 01:19:50.620
I'm like, eh, this is probably not good.

1457
01:19:50.620 --> 01:19:54.180
Jackie has offered a really good alternative to a prenup

1458
01:19:54.180 --> 01:19:56.340
because she's not a fan of prenups either.

1459
01:19:56.340 --> 01:19:58.620
If you have, like, especially if you're divorced

1460
01:19:58.620 --> 01:20:00.020
and you've got grown kids.

1461
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.960
way to get around a prenup is to say like, look,

1462
01:20:02.960 --> 01:20:03.940
and I would be okay.

1463
01:20:03.940 --> 01:20:06.940
Like if I married a guy who has kids and grandkids,

1464
01:20:06.940 --> 01:20:08.780
if he says to me, Renee,

1465
01:20:08.780 --> 01:20:11.680
I really feel like my kids and my grandkids

1466
01:20:11.680 --> 01:20:16.160
should get the lion's share of the wealth that I created.

1467
01:20:16.160 --> 01:20:19.160
I'm gonna go ahead and put a trust in for them

1468
01:20:19.160 --> 01:20:24.160
so that if I die, the kids and the grandkids get this,

1469
01:20:24.240 --> 01:20:26.680
but everything else is gonna be in your name.

1470
01:20:26.680 --> 01:20:28.840
And so I will make sure that I'm also gonna

1471
01:20:28.840 --> 01:20:30.160
well take care of you.

1472
01:20:30.160 --> 01:20:32.640
So that is a way around a prenup

1473
01:20:32.640 --> 01:20:36.180
is that you can set aside estate money

1474
01:20:36.180 --> 01:20:39.440
designated to your children and your grandchildren

1475
01:20:39.440 --> 01:20:43.500
that kind of carves that part of your wealth to the side

1476
01:20:43.500 --> 01:20:46.400
so that if you marry somebody and it goes South,

1477
01:20:46.400 --> 01:20:49.320
that money for them is still protected.

1478
01:20:49.320 --> 01:20:50.160
Joanna.

1479
01:20:53.000 --> 01:20:54.600
Hey, it's Johanna.

1480
01:20:54.600 --> 01:20:55.840
Johanna, sorry.

1481
01:20:55.840 --> 01:20:57.240
That's okay.

1482
01:20:57.240 --> 01:21:00.320
Okay, so my question has to do with,

1483
01:21:00.320 --> 01:21:04.200
and this could be that he had this particular person

1484
01:21:04.200 --> 01:21:09.200
in my past was a very type A kind of pushy,

1485
01:21:11.280 --> 01:21:13.920
a little bit narcissistic tendencies.

1486
01:21:13.920 --> 01:21:16.080
I wouldn't say he's a full blown narcissist,

1487
01:21:16.080 --> 01:21:21.080
but I remember him asking, pushing pretty hardcore

1488
01:21:21.300 --> 01:21:23.280
in month two of our relationship,

1489
01:21:23.280 --> 01:21:25.720
like really wanting to go into those questions

1490
01:21:25.720 --> 01:21:27.840
about how much money,

1491
01:21:27.840 --> 01:21:31.080
like really wanting to get those details on me.

1492
01:21:31.080 --> 01:21:34.800
And back then, I didn't handle that so well.

1493
01:21:34.800 --> 01:21:36.680
I felt trapped and I was like,

1494
01:21:36.680 --> 01:21:38.260
but you know, like just wasn't prepared.

1495
01:21:38.260 --> 01:21:41.320
And I'm thinking now I'm just wondering

1496
01:21:41.320 --> 01:21:42.800
what are some good strategies?

1497
01:21:42.800 --> 01:21:44.260
What are some good tools?

1498
01:21:45.360 --> 01:21:49.760
If you do, that could be a yellow or red flag.

1499
01:21:49.760 --> 01:21:52.760
Yeah, that's a great, thank you so much for asking.

1500
01:21:52.760 --> 01:21:54.060
That's a really great question.

1501
01:21:54.060 --> 01:21:56.300
So a lot of times when I get questions

1502
01:21:56.300 --> 01:22:00.300
that are good questions, but it's too soon,

1503
01:22:00.300 --> 01:22:02.620
I try to affirm that first.

1504
01:22:02.620 --> 01:22:04.780
Like, oh my gosh, that is a really great question.

1505
01:22:04.780 --> 01:22:07.680
That's actually really important to me too.

1506
01:22:07.680 --> 01:22:09.380
I just feel like we're too early

1507
01:22:09.380 --> 01:22:12.500
in getting to know each other for me to disclose that.

1508
01:22:12.500 --> 01:22:15.140
However, I would like to, you know,

1509
01:22:15.140 --> 01:22:17.300
answer that question somewhat for now.

1510
01:22:17.300 --> 01:22:18.660
So here's what I can tell you

1511
01:22:18.660 --> 01:22:20.540
about how I feel about that now.

1512
01:22:20.540 --> 01:22:22.820
Here's what I feel comfortable telling you,

1513
01:22:22.820 --> 01:22:25.540
but I also would love to hear a little bit more from you

1514
01:22:25.540 --> 01:22:30.540
because you are asking this question pretty early on.

1515
01:22:30.540 --> 01:22:32.900
Have you had a negative,

1516
01:22:32.900 --> 01:22:36.020
did something in your past negatively affect that?

1517
01:22:36.020 --> 01:22:38.220
Do you have concerns that you wanna make sure

1518
01:22:38.220 --> 01:22:39.540
don't happen again?

1519
01:22:39.540 --> 01:22:42.860
Tell me a little bit more what's behind these questions.

1520
01:22:42.860 --> 01:22:44.460
So I tried to turn,

1521
01:22:44.460 --> 01:22:48.500
A, I tried to affirm them that they're great questions,

1522
01:22:48.500 --> 01:22:50.660
that it's probably a little too soon.

1523
01:22:50.820 --> 01:22:53.820
And I tried to figure out what part of that question

1524
01:22:53.820 --> 01:22:54.900
I'm willing to answer.

1525
01:22:54.900 --> 01:22:56.700
And I'm gonna say, look,

1526
01:22:56.700 --> 01:23:01.220
I promise you well before we would get down

1527
01:23:01.220 --> 01:23:03.160
any kind of too serious of an approach,

1528
01:23:03.160 --> 01:23:06.360
I feel like we would happily disclose that information

1529
01:23:06.360 --> 01:23:07.500
a little bit more.

1530
01:23:07.500 --> 01:23:09.540
Here's what I'm comfortable sharing now.

1531
01:23:09.540 --> 01:23:11.180
But I am really curious

1532
01:23:11.180 --> 01:23:13.460
because that is a very personal question.

1533
01:23:13.460 --> 01:23:15.580
Is there a part of your past where it's happened

1534
01:23:15.580 --> 01:23:17.380
that you're gonna be bringing in some of,

1535
01:23:17.380 --> 01:23:19.540
do you still have any fears about that?

1536
01:23:19.540 --> 01:23:20.700
I'm just really curious.

1537
01:23:20.700 --> 01:23:22.940
I'd love to know more kind of

1538
01:23:22.940 --> 01:23:25.360
what's underneath these questions.

1539
01:23:25.360 --> 01:23:26.780
It might tell me a little bit more

1540
01:23:26.780 --> 01:23:29.380
about why you're asking them so early.

1541
01:23:29.380 --> 01:23:31.860
Yeah, that's really great.

1542
01:23:31.860 --> 01:23:33.780
So it's kind of like, and that you guys,

1543
01:23:33.780 --> 01:23:35.580
those are the, that's how I would ask,

1544
01:23:35.580 --> 01:23:37.780
answer any question about,

1545
01:23:37.780 --> 01:23:39.380
tell me about your ex-boyfriends.

1546
01:23:39.380 --> 01:23:40.860
Tell me why you've never been married.

1547
01:23:40.860 --> 01:23:42.380
Tell me about this.

1548
01:23:42.380 --> 01:23:44.300
Like, gosh, that's a great question.

1549
01:23:44.300 --> 01:23:46.740
I would wanna know the answer to that too.

1550
01:23:46.740 --> 01:23:48.620
It's just not time for that.

1551
01:23:48.660 --> 01:23:50.460
But here's what I can tell you.

1552
01:23:50.460 --> 01:23:52.500
And I promise at the appropriate time,

1553
01:23:52.500 --> 01:23:53.960
we can bring that back up.

1554
01:23:53.960 --> 01:23:54.900
That's my answer.

1555
01:23:54.900 --> 01:23:56.420
Cause a lot of you guys ask that question

1556
01:23:56.420 --> 01:23:57.840
over and over again.

1557
01:23:57.840 --> 01:24:00.140
How do I not get into the deep conversations?

1558
01:24:00.140 --> 01:24:01.400
That's how you do it.

1559
01:24:01.400 --> 01:24:02.980
You say, great question.

1560
01:24:02.980 --> 01:24:03.980
It's appropriate.

1561
01:24:03.980 --> 01:24:04.980
Not now.

1562
01:24:04.980 --> 01:24:06.780
Here's what I'm willing to tell you.

1563
01:24:06.780 --> 01:24:09.020
Let's unpack that again later.

1564
01:24:09.020 --> 01:24:11.340
So what if, oh, I'm sorry.

1565
01:24:11.340 --> 01:24:12.420
I thought you were.

1566
01:24:12.420 --> 01:24:13.740
But now to your point though,

1567
01:24:13.740 --> 01:24:15.340
if they go, yeah, that's not good enough.

1568
01:24:15.340 --> 01:24:17.200
I need your answer right now.

1569
01:24:17.200 --> 01:24:18.440
I think you can just say,

1570
01:24:18.440 --> 01:24:21.600
then I'm not comfortable with that.

1571
01:24:21.600 --> 01:24:23.800
And so I feel like we're kind of at a crossroad

1572
01:24:23.800 --> 01:24:26.320
and if you need to move on,

1573
01:24:26.320 --> 01:24:27.480
then I respect that.

1574
01:24:27.480 --> 01:24:30.220
I'll be disappointed, but I understand it.

1575
01:24:30.220 --> 01:24:31.920
Is that where you were about to?

1576
01:24:31.920 --> 01:24:32.760
Oh, what I was about?

1577
01:24:32.760 --> 01:24:34.120
I was gonna go the other way.

1578
01:24:34.120 --> 01:24:39.120
What if it opens the Pandora box to the past

1579
01:24:40.600 --> 01:24:44.960
and all those fears that are behind that?

1580
01:24:45.960 --> 01:24:46.800
How would you know?

1581
01:24:46.800 --> 01:24:48.920
Yeah, that's also a great question.

1582
01:24:48.920 --> 01:24:51.200
And what you may need to preface it with,

1583
01:24:51.200 --> 01:24:52.520
because up until now,

1584
01:24:52.520 --> 01:24:54.120
you probably have already learned

1585
01:24:54.120 --> 01:24:56.040
if they are a vomiter, right?

1586
01:24:56.040 --> 01:24:58.760
Like up until now, like you learn pretty quickly

1587
01:24:58.760 --> 01:24:59.920
if people are gonna.

1588
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.900
share too much right away.

1589
01:25:01.900 --> 01:25:03.940
And so to your point,

1590
01:25:03.940 --> 01:25:05.500
like the guy that I most recently dated,

1591
01:25:05.500 --> 01:25:07.420
he just shared way too much.

1592
01:25:07.420 --> 01:25:09.980
Just, it was like, I was constantly reining it in.

1593
01:25:09.980 --> 01:25:11.540
And so I would just say like, look,

1594
01:25:11.540 --> 01:25:14.180
I do not want the details.

1595
01:25:14.180 --> 01:25:16.700
So please don't go down into the weeds.

1596
01:25:16.700 --> 01:25:19.060
But overall, tell me a little bit.

1597
01:25:19.060 --> 01:25:20.880
If he does start to go into the weeds,

1598
01:25:20.880 --> 01:25:24.260
you can be like, like, I've literally had to do this.

1599
01:25:26.100 --> 01:25:27.600
Okay, you're going into the weeds.

1600
01:25:27.600 --> 01:25:28.440
You know what?

1601
01:25:28.560 --> 01:25:30.760
I'm going to withdraw my question.

1602
01:25:30.760 --> 01:25:33.960
Sometimes I've said, I'm going to withdraw my question

1603
01:25:33.960 --> 01:25:35.960
because I really wanted you to stay high level,

1604
01:25:35.960 --> 01:25:39.220
but I can tell for you, you're not able to do that.

1605
01:25:39.220 --> 01:25:40.840
Which is why I want all of you guys

1606
01:25:40.840 --> 01:25:43.680
to learn how to tell pieces of your story

1607
01:25:43.680 --> 01:25:45.920
without going into detail.

1608
01:25:45.920 --> 01:25:48.400
Because we all need to learn the art to do that.

1609
01:25:48.400 --> 01:25:50.640
People are going to ask about your parenting,

1610
01:25:50.640 --> 01:25:52.860
your jobs, your exes.

1611
01:25:53.880 --> 01:25:56.280
They're going to ask you uncomfortable questions

1612
01:25:56.280 --> 01:25:58.920
and you have to learn the art of sharing enough

1613
01:25:58.920 --> 01:26:00.960
of the story to give them an answer

1614
01:26:00.960 --> 01:26:03.680
without vomiting the whole story.

1615
01:26:03.680 --> 01:26:06.460
And the more we can show doing that,

1616
01:26:06.460 --> 01:26:09.440
then they might be able to model that in return.

1617
01:26:10.520 --> 01:26:11.640
Thank you.

1618
01:26:11.640 --> 01:26:13.600
Great question, great question.

1619
01:26:13.600 --> 01:26:14.560
Anybody else?

1620
01:26:14.560 --> 01:26:17.220
Otherwise, I'm going to pray us out of here.

1621
01:26:17.220 --> 01:26:18.320
I'm so proud of you guys.

1622
01:26:18.320 --> 01:26:20.560
Thank you guys all for staying.

1623
01:26:20.560 --> 01:26:25.080
Actually, Erin Joy, would you mind closing us out in prayer?

1624
01:26:25.080 --> 01:26:27.180
You're just like right there on my screen.

1625
01:26:32.680 --> 01:26:34.080
Happy to.

1626
01:26:34.080 --> 01:26:39.080
Lord, oh Lord, you are equipping us so well

1627
01:26:41.080 --> 01:26:43.440
for the futures you want us to have.

1628
01:26:43.440 --> 01:26:48.440
And you are giving us wisdom to do the financial things

1629
01:26:49.240 --> 01:26:53.540
with our spouses beautifully and well

1630
01:26:53.540 --> 01:26:55.040
and in ways that glorify you.

1631
01:26:56.060 --> 01:26:58.700
And as we get ready for that,

1632
01:26:58.700 --> 01:27:00.980
sometimes we are going to have to look

1633
01:27:00.980 --> 01:27:04.820
at uncomfortable things in ourselves or our partners.

1634
01:27:04.820 --> 01:27:07.380
And so we thank you in advance for giving us the wisdom

1635
01:27:07.380 --> 01:27:10.300
and the courage to do that and do that well

1636
01:27:10.300 --> 01:27:11.220
and do that at the right time

1637
01:27:11.220 --> 01:27:14.200
and do that with a beautiful care

1638
01:27:14.200 --> 01:27:16.000
for the other person in their heart.

1639
01:27:16.900 --> 01:27:18.940
Thank you for this time with Renee.

1640
01:27:18.940 --> 01:27:21.340
Thank you for everything that she's shared.

1641
01:27:21.340 --> 01:27:24.300
Please help us to remember what's important for our lives

1642
01:27:24.300 --> 01:27:27.240
and to take that step that we intend to do

1643
01:27:27.240 --> 01:27:28.580
in the next 30 days.

1644
01:27:28.580 --> 01:27:29.700
Amen.

1645
01:27:29.700 --> 01:27:30.860
Amen.

1646
01:27:30.860 --> 01:27:32.940
All right, you guys have a great week.

1647
01:27:32.940 --> 01:27:33.780
God bless you all.