WEBVTT

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Okay, so my name is Renee, welcome to our weekly check-in for Phase 2 Love Story Accelerator.

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How many of you ladies are here for the first time?

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Is anybody here?

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So this is interactive, so hopefully I'll get to see your faces at some point.

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Most of you will show up.

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I hate just speaking to names, it's no fun at all.

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There will be a chance in the back half, we do go into a breakout for about 12-15 minutes

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and there will be a time for you guys to ask me all the questions and then sometimes you

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will put questions in the chat.

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I don't use my right eye, so it takes me a little work to come over here.

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Well, Regina, that's a bummer.

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Where are you, Regina?

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Let me try to find you.

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Okay, there you are.

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Well, if you're on your phone, you might have to open up your video because it's set, I

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think, for your video to not be turned on and you to be muted and you have to unclick

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all the things to make sure that you're there.

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Okay, so we've got at least one person that's here for the first time, so I go over the

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housekeeping rules every single week.

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I know it might bore some of you, but it's just a good reminder of the MO.

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We try to take about 75 minutes to about 90 minutes for this whole session.

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If you cannot stay on the whole time, feel free to watch the rest of it in replay.

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I just want to make sure everyone gets a chance to ask questions.

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So welcome to all the newbies.

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So remember, here's the goal of phase two.

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Phase one, you had like a whole book to read.

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You had worksheets, 14 videos, lots of stuff to do.

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It's a little bit easier in phase two because we want you to get out there in the real world.

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So there's five main videos, Love Story Accelerator, Dating 101, Divine Feminine, Online Dating,

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Boundaries.

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And the Love Story Accelerator really just kicks it off and she gives you dating goals,

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getting out there, coming out of hiding, movement goals, water goals, food goals.

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Now you will hear in that Love Story Accelerator, it's seven date challenge.

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Do not freak out.

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Some of you are like, man, I haven't had seven dates in the last seven years and you want

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me to do it in the next four weeks.

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That seems impossible.

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It might be, but it's just kind of a goal.

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You are allowed to leave phase two, even if you have not completed the seven date challenge.

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You get to leave phase two when you've been here about a month and you've come to four

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weekly check-ins or you've watched them in replay and you've watched all five videos.

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So the intention is that you're in phase one for five weeks.

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Some of you took longer, that's okay.

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And that you're in phase two for about four weeks.

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Some of you will take longer, that's also okay.

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But if you notice on the post today, there were about 40 people that have been here five

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months or longer.

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Some people were still in phase three and they were toggling or they finished their

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videos, but they just liked the vibe here and it felt really safe.

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And I'm kind of like birdie fly kicking you out.

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But if you're not done with the videos, no rush, no shame in that game.

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If you're like life is distressful and I'm not getting into everything, then that's great.

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I just don't want you to stall on what God kind of has for you.

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I usually like to tell people the dating 101 video teaches you how to date safely and date

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without putting all your eggs in one basket.

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It's a great setting the tempo in dating.

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The divine feminine sounds really hippy dippy woo woo.

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It's not, I promise.

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Jackie talks about God's original design back in the garden between man and women and what

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kind of happened after the fall and just the pendulum swing that we've taken.

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And we're now kind of at a point where nobody even wants to claim that you're an actual

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female or a male anymore.

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And so we've really lost our identity and she kind of talks about what the seven characteristics

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of a divine feminine woman is and seven characteristics of a divine masculine man when you have a

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healed heart versus when you have an unhealed heart.

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The online dating video that I do is super fun, easy.

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If you are scared to pieces of online dating and or you have the worst attitude about it,

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do not start online dating until you get to that video because I will teach you how to

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have fun with it.

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Keep it super simple and just practicing your dating game.

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There's some really good tidbits of information on there.

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Even if you never want to do online dating again, which you don't have to, it really

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teaches you how to meet strangers.

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So it's worth watching even if you never want to do online dating.

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And then of course the last video is boundaries.

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Not going to tell you about it because we're actually going to talk about it.

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So every single week in a month.

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and we take time at the front end

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to unpack a little bit about one of the videos.

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So tonight we're gonna unpack boundaries.

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Some of you are like, well, crap,

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I haven't even gotten to the boundaries video.

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It's okay, it's all good.

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When you get to that video that actually,

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the online dating and the boundaries,

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because I created them,

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actually have PowerPoints to go with it.

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So you don't even need to take notes tonight

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if you don't want to.

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When you get to those in the chapter,

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you will be able to print out a PDF

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of the PowerPoint slides that actually go with it.

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And so it's super, super easy.

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So we usually tackle one of the chapters,

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I mean, one of the videos.

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Then we kind of talk about a few highlighted things

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that have come up just by watching your posts

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and your roll call.

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We start to see some of the same themes that come up.

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Then I'm gonna send you to a breakout room with about,

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I'm gonna probably put four of you in a room,

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hoping that at least two of you are there

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because a lot of times people are in the car,

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they're at work and they can't come off of it to do it.

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So I don't want anybody alone in a room.

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So I'll probably put four in a room,

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hoping at least two of you show up in that room.

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We'll come back together

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and that's when I answer all your dating questions.

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Just like in phase one, the more you put into it,

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the more you show up, the more you get out of it.

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We want you telling us what's going on

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in the weekly roll call.

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Tell us anything that's going on in your week.

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It doesn't even have to be about dating.

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The other thing is if you start dating somebody,

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do not flake out and leave us

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because you wanna date in community

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with the coaches guiding you.

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So a lot of times people are like,

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oh, I found my guide, I don't have time to come to anything.

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That's awesome.

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We wanna make sure that you're dating safe and healthy

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and doing all of the things.

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And then Katrina, I will answer your question

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in just a minute.

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And also remember, try to keep your posts

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just uplifting and positive.

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Make sure that you guys,

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nobody wants to get like slammed in their posts.

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Like, you know, like,

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and we're not supposed to tell people what to do.

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So you can encourage,

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you can give your thoughts and opinions,

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but you're not supposed to teach, exhort,

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or tell people what to do.

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And you're not supposed to counsel them.

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And so you just wanna make sure that you're positive

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and encouraging to your sisters,

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lifting all the boats as we like to say.

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We do not accept posts that link to other books,

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authors, influencers.

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We know there's great stuff out there,

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but we don't have time to vet everything in the library.

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So we really just wanna focus on the material

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that you're learning here.

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At the most, sometimes we will let folks post

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a YouTube of a song, but that's pretty much it.

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And then just watch the length of your posts.

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Don't make them like this long.

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It's hard to keep up with.

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Cause Carla and I actually read your post,

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come up with an answer

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cause we wanna be the first one to respond.

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And so if it's a really long post,

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it'll slow down us kind of getting to it.

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So we don't wanna do it too long.

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When you are done, because we are moving everybody,

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normally this system, the technology would have you

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go from phase one to phase two to phase three.

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Because we are migrating, once people finish phase two,

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we are migrating everybody off of Facebook

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and onto the app.

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The system is kind of not set automatically to do that

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because sometimes you guys will start the boundary video,

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which would normally be the trigger for it,

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but you're not ready to leave.

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And so basically you have to let us know

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when you're done with phase two.

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So you have to email us at admin at JackieDorman.com.

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When you are done, the first thing we're gonna do

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is we're gonna make sure you were in here

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at least four weeks, and we're gonna make sure

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that in the portal, you watched all five videos.

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So if you try to get to phase three with us

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after only two weeks, you didn't watch everything,

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or you inhaled it all in one week,

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we're not gonna let you go there.

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Because we really want you to enjoy what you get here

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as you're just getting back out to your dating.

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Yes, when you go to phase three,

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you still have Jackie and love seats and other events,

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and some of them are co-ed,

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but you're in a bucket of hundreds and hundreds of people.

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And so you'd get a little bit less personal attention.

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Yes, you can fill out the Ask Jackie form

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for her to do that, but we really want you

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to kind of enjoy this small group feel

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for about a month before you go into the larger population,

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and then you're gonna have a blast over there.

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So some of you don't like to go to phase three

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because you're like, oh my gosh,

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I love this small little community so much.

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I know, but it's really fun over there too,

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and I'm over there too.

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So it's not like you're not gonna ever see me again,

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and you're not gonna see each other,

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and we want you to meet some dudes.

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And so we want you to-

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You're kicking me out.

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I'm not kicking you out, Mamrie, it's all good.

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Hey, here's the thing.

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I don't mind if you guys are here two months, three months,

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but I looked up, y'all,

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some people were in here seven months.

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Okay, stop, like moving along.

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So we love you, we want you to move on.

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That's all I'm gonna say about that.

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Okay, so the topic tonight.

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is boundaries.

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And I'm just gonna fly through some highlights

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because you guys, we always need to be working on boundaries.

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I've been teaching on boundaries.

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I read Townsend and Cloud Boundaries book back in the 90s,

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like 1990, like where there was a one nine

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in front of the year.

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That's how long we all been talking about boundaries.

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And I still learn something new every time I talk about it,

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or I get this reminder like, okay, Renee,

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you're not really practicing what you're preaching there.

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So get back in the program.

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So boundaries are really good.

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Remember boundaries are not walls that have no windows.

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Boundaries are fences with gates, right?

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So I try to think of them as fences with gates,

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meaning you let people in, you keep people out,

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but there's kind of like this policy.

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And so we wanna make sure that boundaries

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are not just your excuse to shut people out.

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You cannot shut out every single person in your life

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that's unhealthy.

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You have to learn how to have boundaries with them.

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Sometimes people are this close in your life.

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Some people are a little bit further out

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and then a little bit further out

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and then a little bit further out.

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That's what boundaries in real life is really more about.

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And you guys might decide, even with your own family,

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your friends, your coworkers, your church,

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some people are gonna be in your inner circle

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and some people are gonna be further out.

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Obviously the closer you let them in,

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the more they get to hear all your internal thoughts

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and feelings, the further out, the less they know of stuff,

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the less explanation you owe them.

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I mean, one of my favorite sentences

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that I learned how to use in boundaries was no.

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Did you guys know that no is a complete answer?

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It really is.

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And I'll tell you what,

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I'm gonna give you some of my favorite phrases

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that I've learned along the way.

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Okay, so boundaries also define us and protect us.

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Here's what's fascinating, you guys.

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I used to do mission trips to Haiti

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before it became very unsafe in Haiti.

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And I was giving the boundary talk

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to the young adult women and men.

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And there is not, like their language is like Creole,

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it's like kind of French-ish.

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They have no translation for the word boundaries, none.

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And irony, they don't have guardrails on the roads,

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they don't have fences in their yard.

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So they don't even have a visual of a boundary.

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And ironically, they share the same room

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and inappropriate behavior can happen with young women

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by the time they're age of 12 years old.

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And so it was really hard to teach about boundaries

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when I couldn't even find a landmark

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to show them any kind of boundary.

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But boundaries are there to protect in and keep you safe

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and keep out the bad stuff.

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You already know that.

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All right, I'm gonna talk a little bit

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about boundary development,

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because the thing is we all want good boundaries,

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but we all struggle with boundaries.

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A lot of us struggle with boundaries.

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When we are very, very little children,

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we are supposed to have happy, healthy, normal bonding

281
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with mom, dad, and that nuclear family.

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But a lot of times we grew up

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and we have had trauma or drama that has happened to us

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and or unhealthy parents.

285
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And so we either got too much or too little.

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And so it has impacted the way we kind of do boundaries

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as an adult.

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And so I like to kind of say

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that we have our basic building blocks.

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We all need physical safety.

291
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We need to feel financially stable.

292
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We need to feel emotional support.

293
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And so if bad things happen to us,

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like there are building blocks

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to what makes us feel bonded and safe.

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If bad things happen to us,

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it's like a crack is in your foundation.

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If you missed something,

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00:13:59.240 --> 00:14:02.920
like you just didn't receive it all, it's like a hole.

300
00:14:02.920 --> 00:14:06.000
So if you can imagine your physical stability,

301
00:14:06.000 --> 00:14:08.400
your emotional stability, financial stability,

302
00:14:08.400 --> 00:14:11.840
intellectual stability that you should have had as a child,

303
00:14:11.840 --> 00:14:13.520
if bad things happen to you,

304
00:14:13.520 --> 00:14:16.640
picture cracks kind of going in those bricks.

305
00:14:16.640 --> 00:14:17.920
If you missed out on,

306
00:14:17.920 --> 00:14:20.040
if you didn't have a parent that was available,

307
00:14:20.600 --> 00:14:23.360
if there wasn't food on that table, there's a hole.

308
00:14:23.360 --> 00:14:28.000
So you can imagine how unstable your foundation is

309
00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:30.160
because the holes and cracks in it.

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Like some of you guys may know

311
00:14:31.640 --> 00:14:34.360
that I was born with a birth defect in my eye.

312
00:14:34.360 --> 00:14:37.400
It's why my right eye is always squintier than my left.

313
00:14:37.400 --> 00:14:40.520
And I was in the hospital from the age of two to 18,

314
00:14:40.520 --> 00:14:42.120
almost every single year.

315
00:14:42.120 --> 00:14:45.080
It wasn't anyone's fault that it happened to me,

316
00:14:45.080 --> 00:14:48.140
but those kinds of surgeries back then were very invasive.

317
00:14:48.140 --> 00:14:50.700
They were very scary and came with a lot of trauma.

318
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And I got really sick from the anesthesia.

319
00:14:53.900 --> 00:14:56.540
I would wake up from surgery, bandage, shut,

320
00:14:56.540 --> 00:14:58.940
strapped down so I wouldn't touch my face.

321
00:14:58.940 --> 00:14:59.980
So just like a lot.

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00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.520
trauma that goes with that and a lot of fear that kind of that just was just a

323
00:15:04.520 --> 00:15:08.240
part of my childhood my parents didn't do it to me it's just something that

324
00:15:08.240 --> 00:15:12.400
kind of happened that I had to face so what happens is when we have cracks and

325
00:15:12.400 --> 00:15:18.000
holes in our foundation we tighten up our boundaries or we let them go

326
00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:23.240
haywire as a way to kind of survive and cope they helped us get through the

327
00:15:23.240 --> 00:15:27.440
trauma of our childhood but they actually impair the way that we do

328
00:15:27.440 --> 00:15:35.120
relationships today sometimes we have had an over-controlling parent so it's

329
00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:39.880
possible that the parent had so much fear in their life usually when someone's

330
00:15:39.880 --> 00:15:46.040
controlling and someone's anxious the root feeling is fear and so how you

331
00:15:46.040 --> 00:15:51.320
overcome fear without faith is you get very controlling and so if you grew up

332
00:15:51.320 --> 00:15:55.960
with a fearful parent chances are you grew up with a very controlling parent

333
00:15:55.960 --> 00:15:59.640
and sometimes when you become a parent you go in the complete opposite

334
00:15:59.640 --> 00:16:02.720
direction you're like I'm gonna be friends with my kid and have no

335
00:16:02.720 --> 00:16:07.160
boundaries and you might go over onto the other side so then that's the other

336
00:16:07.160 --> 00:16:11.600
side is that you have a parent with no limits so again back to that vision of

337
00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:17.520
Haiti where there's no boundary there's no fence and so having no boundary like

338
00:16:17.520 --> 00:16:22.600
you guys I have a little dog and if I just let my little dog go outside like

339
00:16:22.600 --> 00:16:27.920
there's a big ravine she could fall off the cliff there's like coyotes sometimes

340
00:16:27.920 --> 00:16:33.880
like it a raven a big hawk could grab her like it would not be safe to let my

341
00:16:33.880 --> 00:16:39.760
little dog outside the boundary of my safe home so we don't want walls up but

342
00:16:39.760 --> 00:16:45.720
we don't want no boundaries up either even more dangerous than a parent who is

343
00:16:45.720 --> 00:16:52.000
over controlling or free willy is like a parent of an addict and usually an

344
00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:56.240
apparent of an addict is those boundaries are changing every day and

345
00:16:56.240 --> 00:16:59.640
you never know which person is going to show up because at least if you know

346
00:16:59.640 --> 00:17:04.440
your parents have no boundaries it's consistent or if you know that you have

347
00:17:04.440 --> 00:17:09.520
helicopter parents you know but when a child has to grow up in an environment

348
00:17:09.520 --> 00:17:15.680
where it's constantly changing they are on high alert at all times and and I

349
00:17:15.680 --> 00:17:20.520
will say this if you say that you're an empathetic person I'm highly empathetic

350
00:17:20.520 --> 00:17:25.920
I can read the room you guys like I can feel the energy I know who's safe in a

351
00:17:25.920 --> 00:17:30.080
room I know who's unsafe in a room and it's a beautiful gift and it's a

352
00:17:30.080 --> 00:17:34.680
blessing because we can read people we can empathize with them but sometimes

353
00:17:34.680 --> 00:17:39.720
empathy really kind of comes from our trauma of our childhood because we know

354
00:17:39.720 --> 00:17:45.400
that to keep ourselves safe we have to assess the room really fast we have to

355
00:17:45.400 --> 00:17:50.220
know very quickly who's safe in the room who's not safe in the room and where is

356
00:17:50.220 --> 00:17:54.860
the exit right so somebody who is highly empathetic has that spidey sense

357
00:17:54.860 --> 00:17:59.580
they can kind of see it so it's a gift and it's beautiful a lot of times it

358
00:17:59.580 --> 00:18:07.340
came from a trauma place as your survival technique okay so now I want to

359
00:18:07.340 --> 00:18:15.460
talk to you a little bit about what I call the drama triangle a lot of you how

360
00:18:15.460 --> 00:18:19.920
many of you can raise your avatar hand you're like oh my gosh my ex used to be

361
00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:24.640
a narcissist I know we kind of always say that my next was a narcissist or I'm

362
00:18:24.640 --> 00:18:31.400
a codependent and I get attracted to victims so if you've ever said I attract

363
00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:35.880
narcissists or victims and I'm the codependent right that's a lot of us it

364
00:18:35.880 --> 00:18:40.520
means that we have fallen our trap into the triangle and it's called the

365
00:18:40.520 --> 00:18:45.560
Karpman triangle K-A-R-P Karpman triangle you don't need to know who invented it

366
00:18:45.560 --> 00:18:49.680
but it's called the Karpman triangle and in the Karpman triangle there are three

367
00:18:49.680 --> 00:18:54.640
points of that triangle there's the victim there's the codependent and then

368
00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:58.320
there's the controller sometimes called the aggressor sometimes called the

369
00:18:58.320 --> 00:19:03.760
narcissist here's the thing you guys all three of those are unhealthy because

370
00:19:03.760 --> 00:19:11.360
they keep you in this drama of rotation sometimes you one person you can be all

371
00:19:11.360 --> 00:19:17.360
three so sometimes you can start out as the codependent the rescuer the hero the

372
00:19:17.360 --> 00:19:21.680
people pleaser you're like oh my gosh I'm the people pleaser like we wear it

373
00:19:21.680 --> 00:19:25.920
like a badge of honor like we think we're the better of the three but the

374
00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:33.120
truth is the codependent people pleaser perfectionist rescuer hero a lot of

375
00:19:33.120 --> 00:19:38.880
times we are doing that we are controlling the outside people to make

376
00:19:38.880 --> 00:19:45.600
ourselves feel better on the inside if I can push back on the narcissist or I can

377
00:19:45.600 --> 00:19:48.960
help rehabilitate them how many of us have wanted to rehabilitate the

378
00:19:48.960 --> 00:19:53.080
narcissist like we can do it we can bring him Jesus and we can be we can

379
00:19:53.080 --> 00:19:57.440
kind them their way into you know out of their narcissism like we want to be the

380
00:19:57.440 --> 00:20:01.960
hero of that story or we take

381
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.460
care of the victim and we're constantly doing something for them, or like we're the first

382
00:20:04.460 --> 00:20:09.840
one to help at the potluck, you know, kind of like we're the Martha in a Mary and Martha

383
00:20:09.840 --> 00:20:10.840
world, right?

384
00:20:10.840 --> 00:20:11.840
Like we're the Martha, man.

385
00:20:11.840 --> 00:20:13.080
We make things happen.

386
00:20:13.080 --> 00:20:15.320
Like someone's got to feed Jesus.

387
00:20:15.320 --> 00:20:19.400
Like it was really nice that Mary got to just sit at his feet, but someone had to put food

388
00:20:19.400 --> 00:20:20.440
on the table.

389
00:20:20.440 --> 00:20:22.640
So Martha girl got it done.

390
00:20:22.640 --> 00:20:29.920
And so that person gets a lot of praise, but you guys, a lot of our value is external.

391
00:20:29.920 --> 00:20:33.960
We are dependent on what those other people think of us.

392
00:20:33.960 --> 00:20:39.480
And so even though that seems like the more grand version of that drama triangle, we really

393
00:20:39.480 --> 00:20:45.600
have no boundaries because we're letting other people not only dictate what we should do,

394
00:20:45.600 --> 00:20:49.100
but we let other people dictate how we should feel.

395
00:20:49.100 --> 00:20:53.360
So that is somebody who is codependent, people-pleasing, rescuer.

396
00:20:53.360 --> 00:21:01.000
We probably tend to have very weak boundaries or no boundaries at all.

397
00:21:01.000 --> 00:21:05.200
Then there's of course the victim, you guys, and sometimes we can be the victim.

398
00:21:05.200 --> 00:21:12.000
Like if I know I'm a codependent, people-pleaser, if I get sucked in too much, I will shove

399
00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:13.060
back.

400
00:21:13.060 --> 00:21:17.760
And so I can even act like the controller, aggressor, narcissist at times because we're

401
00:21:17.760 --> 00:21:22.800
so exhausted from serving, serving, serving that we finally can't take it anymore.

402
00:21:22.800 --> 00:21:28.720
And then we shove and we actually appear for a moment like the narcissist or the controller,

403
00:21:28.720 --> 00:21:31.560
but then we immediately feel like crap.

404
00:21:31.560 --> 00:21:35.760
And then we're like, oh my gosh, I'm so worthless, like no one's going to like me.

405
00:21:35.760 --> 00:21:38.120
I'm a terrible girlfriend, blah, blah, blah, blah.

406
00:21:38.120 --> 00:21:42.360
And then we kind of go into the victim seat, but we don't like that seat for very long.

407
00:21:42.360 --> 00:21:46.640
So then we start to do all these amazing things so people can tell us how fabulous we are

408
00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:48.900
again and then we're back to our Cody.

409
00:21:48.900 --> 00:21:51.560
So that's kind of like the cycle of the triangle.

410
00:21:51.560 --> 00:21:55.840
We see why that there's a real draw as the codependent.

411
00:21:55.840 --> 00:22:00.400
The victim though, they actually have to have no responsibility.

412
00:22:00.400 --> 00:22:05.080
So believe it or not, there's a gift and a value of being the victim.

413
00:22:05.080 --> 00:22:07.800
No one's ever going to give you a hard responsibility.

414
00:22:07.800 --> 00:22:13.520
You're never completely to blame and you really are putting the focus on other people.

415
00:22:13.520 --> 00:22:16.860
So there are some real gains to being the victim too.

416
00:22:16.860 --> 00:22:21.940
The bummer is no one's ever going to give you a lot of responsibility.

417
00:22:21.940 --> 00:22:25.660
People don't necessarily take you seriously.

418
00:22:25.660 --> 00:22:33.620
And believe it or not, when you are the victim, you start to blame other people.

419
00:22:33.620 --> 00:22:40.760
You guys, I had my last relationship, he claimed he was the codependent.

420
00:22:40.760 --> 00:22:45.780
That dude vacillated between victim and narcissist like no one's business.

421
00:22:45.780 --> 00:22:51.460
He thought he was the codependent, but he was really either the victim in every story.

422
00:22:51.460 --> 00:22:57.340
He was like the one where every woman, every, his children, all of them, he was wronged.

423
00:22:57.340 --> 00:22:58.620
He was hurt.

424
00:22:58.620 --> 00:23:01.380
You know, all the bad things happened to him.

425
00:23:01.380 --> 00:23:07.380
And here's the problem when you blame everybody else and you take no responsibility for yourself

426
00:23:07.380 --> 00:23:15.540
in that victim seat, empathy and blaming cannot be in the same space and you can't have vulnerability.

427
00:23:16.300 --> 00:23:18.380
You can't have true vulnerability because guess what?

428
00:23:18.380 --> 00:23:23.100
True vulnerability would mean I would have to own my side of the street.

429
00:23:23.100 --> 00:23:26.820
So if I'm constantly the victim, it's everyone else's fault.

430
00:23:26.820 --> 00:23:30.780
So you guys are already kind of hearing, oh my gosh, she's just described my husband or

431
00:23:30.780 --> 00:23:31.780
my ex-husband.

432
00:23:31.780 --> 00:23:33.660
She just described my mother, right?

433
00:23:33.660 --> 00:23:38.220
Like you probably are already hearing the people that you've attracted.

434
00:23:38.220 --> 00:23:44.140
And so chances are, if you're still attracting the narcissist or you're still attracting

435
00:23:44.140 --> 00:23:49.580
the victim, then you're still operating like the rescuer and the codependent.

436
00:23:49.580 --> 00:23:55.960
And so we really want to make sure you take that hat off and stop rescuing people.

437
00:23:55.960 --> 00:23:58.060
And so how do you do that?

438
00:23:58.060 --> 00:24:02.500
And I'm especially going to kind of hone in on that because if I had to say that most

439
00:24:02.500 --> 00:24:06.700
of us women fall into any trap, it's that idea that we have to rescue and take care

440
00:24:06.700 --> 00:24:12.140
of people because our gift that you've learned from the Divine Feminine video is that we're

441
00:24:12.140 --> 00:24:13.140
nurturers.

442
00:24:13.140 --> 00:24:16.060
A nurturer with a healed heart is a good thing.

443
00:24:16.060 --> 00:24:20.600
Nurturer with a broken, unhealed heart turns into caretaker, codependent.

444
00:24:20.600 --> 00:24:26.140
So you see how this great gift that we were given goes awry real fast.

445
00:24:26.140 --> 00:24:31.980
So how you can help yourself not be such a codependent or not worry too much about what

446
00:24:31.980 --> 00:24:38.260
other people think is that you have to realize that you are responsible to other people,

447
00:24:38.260 --> 00:24:40.080
not for other people.

448
00:24:40.080 --> 00:24:44.600
Like as a parent or a teacher or a boss, I'm responsible to people.

449
00:24:44.600 --> 00:24:46.040
Like I work for Jackie.

450
00:24:46.040 --> 00:24:50.480
I'm responsible to her, but I'm not responsible for her.

451
00:24:50.480 --> 00:24:57.080
If she makes a mistake or she hurts someone's feelings, I cannot be responsible for the

452
00:24:57.080 --> 00:24:59.160
choices and things that she says.

453
00:24:59.160 --> 00:25:00.080
I'm just responsible.

454
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.080
Does that, do you see the difference?

455
00:25:03.080 --> 00:25:04.820
And so let me give you some words

456
00:25:04.820 --> 00:25:06.720
and see if it kind of rings a bell.

457
00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:09.920
When you feel responsible for somebody,

458
00:25:09.920 --> 00:25:13.160
you want to fix, protect, rescue.

459
00:25:13.160 --> 00:25:16.220
You tend to carry other people's feelings.

460
00:25:16.220 --> 00:25:20.320
You are usually tired, anxious, and fearful.

461
00:25:20.320 --> 00:25:22.660
You are concerned with solutions and answers,

462
00:25:22.660 --> 00:25:24.800
being right and performing.

463
00:25:24.800 --> 00:25:27.060
And sometimes you will manipulate other people

464
00:25:27.060 --> 00:25:29.920
or situations so you can feel better or safe.

465
00:25:30.780 --> 00:25:33.060
When you feel responsible to others,

466
00:25:33.060 --> 00:25:34.780
this is much more empathetic.

467
00:25:34.780 --> 00:25:38.900
You show empathy, you encourage, you confront.

468
00:25:38.900 --> 00:25:41.580
We're gonna talk about confrontation in a second.

469
00:25:41.580 --> 00:25:45.860
You share, you listen to hear and not just respond.

470
00:25:45.860 --> 00:25:50.220
You feel more relaxed, free, aware, reliable.

471
00:25:50.220 --> 00:25:52.740
You are relating to somebody person to person

472
00:25:52.740 --> 00:25:55.320
and you're gonna feel your own feels

473
00:25:55.320 --> 00:25:58.880
and you let them be responsible for their own behaviors,

474
00:25:58.880 --> 00:26:01.120
even if it hurts other people.

475
00:26:01.120 --> 00:26:04.200
It's not your job to fix people.

476
00:26:04.200 --> 00:26:07.440
And so when you start this dating scenario, you guys,

477
00:26:07.440 --> 00:26:08.920
you're gonna meet some ding-dongs

478
00:26:08.920 --> 00:26:10.520
and some sweet guys along the way.

479
00:26:10.520 --> 00:26:12.020
And you're gonna think it's your job

480
00:26:12.020 --> 00:26:13.640
to teach them the hard work.

481
00:26:13.640 --> 00:26:15.920
It's your job to teach them dating 101.

482
00:26:15.920 --> 00:26:17.680
It is not your job.

483
00:26:17.680 --> 00:26:19.480
It is not your job to school them.

484
00:26:19.480 --> 00:26:21.880
It is not your job to reprimand him.

485
00:26:21.880 --> 00:26:23.440
You can guide him.

486
00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:25.700
You can share the things that you've learned,

487
00:26:25.700 --> 00:26:27.640
but it's not your job to teach him.

488
00:26:27.640 --> 00:26:29.360
No, it's just not your job.

489
00:26:29.360 --> 00:26:32.480
So I wanna make sure in that environment,

490
00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:34.640
in that triangle, you get off.

491
00:26:34.640 --> 00:26:39.080
And the only way that you get out of that triangle loop

492
00:26:39.080 --> 00:26:42.680
is to stop rescuing and taking care of other people.

493
00:26:42.680 --> 00:26:47.040
It's time to put the oxygen mask on yourself.

494
00:26:47.040 --> 00:26:49.560
Okay, principles of healthy confrontation.

495
00:26:49.560 --> 00:26:52.160
Y'all, I live like I'm in Connecticut right now.

496
00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:54.280
Worked right outside New York City.

497
00:26:54.280 --> 00:26:56.420
I know Italians, New Yorkers,

498
00:26:56.420 --> 00:26:58.560
we're known for being very direct kind of people.

499
00:26:58.560 --> 00:27:02.120
Although when I lived here, no one ever said I was direct

500
00:27:02.120 --> 00:27:03.520
because I'm kind of a pushover.

501
00:27:03.520 --> 00:27:04.840
I'm super friendly.

502
00:27:04.840 --> 00:27:07.840
But in the South, oh, Renee, she's really direct

503
00:27:07.840 --> 00:27:11.400
because in the South, nobody does confrontation face-to-face.

504
00:27:11.400 --> 00:27:13.420
Do you know what the word confrontation means?

505
00:27:13.420 --> 00:27:17.400
It means with front, coming with your full face forward.

506
00:27:17.400 --> 00:27:19.480
Now in the South, you'll get things like,

507
00:27:19.480 --> 00:27:21.120
oh my gosh, you're so amazing.

508
00:27:21.120 --> 00:27:22.840
And then you'll get bless her heart.

509
00:27:22.840 --> 00:27:25.980
Well, bless her heart usually hardly means a compliment.

510
00:27:25.980 --> 00:27:30.980
It's usually like, you dumb ass, or oh,

511
00:27:31.080 --> 00:27:32.880
but it's usually in sarcasm.

512
00:27:32.880 --> 00:27:35.580
And so there's a lot of like behind people's back

513
00:27:35.580 --> 00:27:37.440
kind of stuff going on.

514
00:27:37.440 --> 00:27:42.280
And so that's not a healthy way of avoiding confrontation.

515
00:27:42.280 --> 00:27:44.440
A lot of times people think avoid,

516
00:27:44.440 --> 00:27:45.920
they wanna avoid confrontation

517
00:27:45.920 --> 00:27:48.720
because they wanna avoid yelling and screaming.

518
00:27:48.720 --> 00:27:52.440
Confrontation should not include yelling and screaming.

519
00:27:52.440 --> 00:27:55.640
Confrontation is showing up to somebody face-to-face.

520
00:27:55.640 --> 00:27:58.160
And if you wanna know what Jesus has to say about it,

521
00:27:58.160 --> 00:28:02.080
read Matthew 18, the whole chapter.

522
00:28:02.080 --> 00:28:04.800
A lot of times churches get really hung up with,

523
00:28:04.800 --> 00:28:06.600
go to a brother if he sinned against you.

524
00:28:06.600 --> 00:28:09.480
If that doesn't work, take somebody with you.

525
00:28:09.480 --> 00:28:11.480
Three sections before that,

526
00:28:11.480 --> 00:28:16.480
he talks about coming to God with humility like a child.

527
00:28:16.520 --> 00:28:19.640
He talks about going after the lost sheep.

528
00:28:19.640 --> 00:28:22.880
So he talks about mercy, childlike faith,

529
00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:26.340
and then he brackets it at the end to talk about forgiveness.

530
00:28:26.340 --> 00:28:30.040
So whenever we're gonna confront somebody,

531
00:28:30.040 --> 00:28:33.420
confrontation shouldn't be to take them down.

532
00:28:33.420 --> 00:28:36.600
Confrontation should always be done in humility.

533
00:28:36.600 --> 00:28:38.600
Confrontation should always be done

534
00:28:38.600 --> 00:28:41.800
with the goal of restoring the relationship.

535
00:28:41.800 --> 00:28:43.980
And confrontation should always be done

536
00:28:43.980 --> 00:28:46.660
with a heart ready to forgive.

537
00:28:46.660 --> 00:28:50.980
And so that's why if we take confrontation out of context,

538
00:28:50.980 --> 00:28:55.580
so Matthew 18, read it, chapter, I mean, 18 verse one,

539
00:28:55.580 --> 00:28:57.520
all the way to the end and kind of know

540
00:28:57.520 --> 00:29:02.520
that he bookends confrontation with humility,

541
00:29:02.520 --> 00:29:06.540
with mercy, with tenderness, and with forgiveness.

542
00:29:06.540 --> 00:29:09.000
And that's the way that we do that.

543
00:29:09.000 --> 00:29:13.180
So here's how I try to tell people to do it.

544
00:29:13.180 --> 00:29:15.540
When you are trying to confront somebody,

545
00:29:15.540 --> 00:29:17.700
you don't wanna raise your voice.

546
00:29:17.700 --> 00:29:20.420
You don't wanna invade their space

547
00:29:20.420 --> 00:29:22.140
and you don't wanna be big.

548
00:29:22.140 --> 00:29:25.520
So a lot of times when we confront, we get big,

549
00:29:25.520 --> 00:29:27.940
we get loud and we lean in.

550
00:29:27.940 --> 00:29:32.380
So you wanna lean back, you wanna lower your voice,

551
00:29:32.380 --> 00:29:34.660
you wanna slow down your voice.

552
00:29:34.660 --> 00:29:36.420
So I come up with a little phrase

553
00:29:36.420 --> 00:29:39.860
I stole from Marilyn Murray, it's called SLS.

554
00:29:39.860 --> 00:29:43.240
You come in slower, lower, and softer.

555
00:29:43.240 --> 00:29:45.700
So when you have to come into somebody,

556
00:29:46.580 --> 00:29:51.460
you wanna take more pause, you wanna breathe.

557
00:29:51.460 --> 00:29:55.400
Cause usually when you're upset, you're nervous,

558
00:29:55.400 --> 00:29:57.320
and you're gonna start to speed up.

559
00:29:57.320 --> 00:29:59.500
And when you start to speed up,

560
00:29:59.500 --> 00:30:00.700
you start to get angry.

561
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.800
louder, and you start to lean in.

562
00:30:02.800 --> 00:30:06.480
But do you notice how just by me slowing down

563
00:30:06.480 --> 00:30:08.880
and putting some pause in,

564
00:30:08.880 --> 00:30:12.140
I'm starting to deescalate the energy in the room.

565
00:30:12.140 --> 00:30:15.640
So do you see how that just really starts to shrink it down?

566
00:30:15.640 --> 00:30:17.600
So that's my tip to you.

567
00:30:17.600 --> 00:30:21.280
Come in slower, lower, and softer.

568
00:30:21.280 --> 00:30:25.480
You want to speak in a manner that invites them in

569
00:30:25.480 --> 00:30:27.080
because they want to feel safe.

570
00:30:27.120 --> 00:30:28.460
You want to feel safe.

571
00:30:28.460 --> 00:30:30.120
When you're confronting,

572
00:30:30.120 --> 00:30:32.560
you're either gonna fight, fright, fleas, or fawn, right?

573
00:30:32.560 --> 00:30:33.640
So you're gonna do one of those.

574
00:30:33.640 --> 00:30:35.560
So you want to soften it.

575
00:30:35.560 --> 00:30:37.020
You want to come in softer.

576
00:30:37.020 --> 00:30:40.280
You have to be willing to lean into negative emotions.

577
00:30:40.280 --> 00:30:43.000
You have to be willing to have tough conversations.

578
00:30:43.000 --> 00:30:46.000
You have to be willing to agree to disagree.

579
00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:49.240
And you have to learn how to really listen,

580
00:30:49.240 --> 00:30:52.240
and you want to be courageous to get curious.

581
00:30:52.240 --> 00:30:55.720
That's kind of like the phrase that we like to talk about.

582
00:30:55.720 --> 00:30:58.440
Okay, so I'm trying to come up with you

583
00:30:58.440 --> 00:31:00.960
all the reason why your boundaries get busted.

584
00:31:00.960 --> 00:31:02.360
We all want healthy boundaries.

585
00:31:02.360 --> 00:31:04.680
So I talked about why your childhood

586
00:31:04.680 --> 00:31:06.600
may have messed up your boundaries.

587
00:31:06.600 --> 00:31:08.920
I talked about the drama triangle

588
00:31:08.920 --> 00:31:11.260
that may mess up your boundaries.

589
00:31:11.260 --> 00:31:15.380
And I just talked about how to have healthy confrontation

590
00:31:15.380 --> 00:31:18.800
because a lot of times people will avoid confrontation

591
00:31:18.800 --> 00:31:21.160
and that will mess up with their boundaries.

592
00:31:21.160 --> 00:31:23.880
There are two other things that can get in the way

593
00:31:23.880 --> 00:31:25.960
of you guys having healthy boundaries.

594
00:31:25.960 --> 00:31:30.360
So I call it keeping your pies and habits in order.

595
00:31:30.360 --> 00:31:31.720
Those are an acronym.

596
00:31:31.720 --> 00:31:34.880
So the pie is P-I-E-S.

597
00:31:34.880 --> 00:31:38.440
So if I notice that my boundaries are messed up,

598
00:31:38.440 --> 00:31:39.800
I look at my pies.

599
00:31:39.800 --> 00:31:43.680
The first one, the P means physical.

600
00:31:43.680 --> 00:31:45.880
Am I taking care of my food?

601
00:31:45.880 --> 00:31:47.320
Am I getting exercise?

602
00:31:47.320 --> 00:31:49.560
And am I taking care of my health?

603
00:31:49.560 --> 00:31:54.480
If I'm sleep deprived, if I have not had good nutrition,

604
00:31:54.480 --> 00:31:56.400
if my health is in disarray,

605
00:31:56.400 --> 00:31:59.840
if my physical body is not in order,

606
00:31:59.840 --> 00:32:02.820
chances are my boundaries are gonna go out the window.

607
00:32:02.820 --> 00:32:04.880
I is intellectual.

608
00:32:04.880 --> 00:32:06.200
Am I teachable?

609
00:32:06.200 --> 00:32:08.600
Do I have a learner spirit?

610
00:32:08.600 --> 00:32:10.160
If you ever find you're like, that's it.

611
00:32:10.160 --> 00:32:11.040
I'm done learning.

612
00:32:11.040 --> 00:32:11.880
I'm done growing.

613
00:32:11.880 --> 00:32:12.700
That's it.

614
00:32:12.700 --> 00:32:14.960
I am the way they am and I'm not gonna change, right?

615
00:32:14.960 --> 00:32:16.400
Like we all wanna do that.

616
00:32:16.400 --> 00:32:18.120
If that's kind of your attitude,

617
00:32:18.120 --> 00:32:21.040
chances are you might be putting up a wall

618
00:32:21.040 --> 00:32:22.880
in those boundaries.

619
00:32:22.880 --> 00:32:24.960
E stands for emotional.

620
00:32:24.960 --> 00:32:27.280
How are you handling stress right now

621
00:32:27.280 --> 00:32:29.440
with your workload like, your time,

622
00:32:29.440 --> 00:32:31.880
your capacity, your emotions?

623
00:32:31.880 --> 00:32:33.640
And so how are you emotionally doing?

624
00:32:33.640 --> 00:32:35.440
If you are emotionally depleted,

625
00:32:35.440 --> 00:32:38.360
you have a hard time balancing your boundaries.

626
00:32:38.360 --> 00:32:40.240
And then of course, spiritual.

627
00:32:40.240 --> 00:32:42.040
Are you taking time with God?

628
00:32:42.040 --> 00:32:42.980
Are you worshiping?

629
00:32:42.980 --> 00:32:44.920
Are you in his word?

630
00:32:44.920 --> 00:32:47.440
Do you have discipleship?

631
00:32:47.440 --> 00:32:49.120
Do you have community?

632
00:32:49.120 --> 00:32:50.120
Are you volunteering?

633
00:32:50.120 --> 00:32:51.640
Are you serving the Lord?

634
00:32:51.640 --> 00:32:55.280
So the first thing I wanna go is when my boundaries are off,

635
00:32:55.280 --> 00:32:56.880
I have to check my pies.

636
00:32:56.880 --> 00:32:58.640
How's my physical, intellectual,

637
00:32:58.640 --> 00:33:01.400
emotional or spiritual doing?

638
00:33:01.400 --> 00:33:03.040
Okay.

639
00:33:03.040 --> 00:33:06.240
Then the second thing I like to look at is my habits.

640
00:33:06.240 --> 00:33:08.200
Those are also an acronym.

641
00:33:08.200 --> 00:33:09.360
Am I hungry?

642
00:33:09.360 --> 00:33:11.320
H is hungry.

643
00:33:11.320 --> 00:33:12.800
A is angry.

644
00:33:12.800 --> 00:33:14.140
Am I angry?

645
00:33:15.180 --> 00:33:16.800
B is bored.

646
00:33:16.920 --> 00:33:18.000
Nothing kills.

647
00:33:18.000 --> 00:33:19.240
I mean, if God is not,

648
00:33:19.240 --> 00:33:20.920
I mean, if the enemy is not gonna distract you,

649
00:33:20.920 --> 00:33:22.200
he's gonna make you super bored.

650
00:33:22.200 --> 00:33:24.960
We do bad things when we're bored.

651
00:33:24.960 --> 00:33:26.800
I means isolated.

652
00:33:27.880 --> 00:33:29.520
T is tired.

653
00:33:29.520 --> 00:33:31.160
And S is stressed.

654
00:33:31.160 --> 00:33:34.400
So if you are hungry, angry, bored,

655
00:33:34.400 --> 00:33:36.940
isolated, tired, or stressed,

656
00:33:36.940 --> 00:33:39.860
chances are you're gonna struggle with your boundaries.

657
00:33:39.860 --> 00:33:41.240
So a lot of times you're like,

658
00:33:41.240 --> 00:33:43.600
why did you just spend all this time saying this?

659
00:33:43.600 --> 00:33:45.700
Because as you start to be in relationship

660
00:33:45.700 --> 00:33:47.220
with men that you're dating,

661
00:33:47.220 --> 00:33:49.900
especially when all the things are going on,

662
00:33:49.900 --> 00:33:53.060
or your coworkers, or your family at the holidays,

663
00:33:53.060 --> 00:33:55.020
or people at church,

664
00:33:55.020 --> 00:33:58.700
if you are hungry, angry, bored, isolated, tired, stressed,

665
00:33:58.700 --> 00:34:00.700
if you're not taking care of yourself physically,

666
00:34:00.700 --> 00:34:03.120
intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually,

667
00:34:03.120 --> 00:34:05.700
you will struggle in your boundaries

668
00:34:05.700 --> 00:34:06.780
and you're gonna be wondering

669
00:34:06.780 --> 00:34:08.860
why you're shoving people away

670
00:34:08.860 --> 00:34:11.360
or letting them walk all over you.

671
00:34:12.900 --> 00:34:14.260
Now let's talk a little bit

672
00:34:14.260 --> 00:34:16.300
and then I'm gonna wrap it up

673
00:34:16.300 --> 00:34:19.620
and I'm gonna actually send you out to your groups

674
00:34:19.620 --> 00:34:20.520
for just a minute.

675
00:34:22.540 --> 00:34:25.320
But hold on.

676
00:34:25.320 --> 00:34:27.699
Okay, level two and level three dating.

677
00:34:27.699 --> 00:34:29.980
Now, if you haven't watched Dating 101 yet,

678
00:34:29.980 --> 00:34:31.340
you may not know what I mean.

679
00:34:31.340 --> 00:34:33.420
But when you first start dating, guys,

680
00:34:33.420 --> 00:34:35.739
we want you to do level two dating.

681
00:34:35.739 --> 00:34:39.739
So what do boundaries look like at level two dating?

682
00:34:39.739 --> 00:34:42.340
Physical boundaries, we would prefer

683
00:34:42.340 --> 00:34:44.260
if you're dating a bunch of different guys

684
00:34:44.260 --> 00:34:45.620
that are your discovery dating

685
00:34:45.620 --> 00:34:47.260
and just getting to know them.

686
00:34:47.260 --> 00:34:49.500
Our goal is for you to not be making out

687
00:34:49.500 --> 00:34:52.100
with all six guys that you're talking to.

688
00:34:52.100 --> 00:34:53.260
That'd be kind of weird.

689
00:34:53.260 --> 00:34:54.659
We don't want you doing that.

690
00:34:54.659 --> 00:34:57.000
So those are the kind of like the physical boundaries.

691
00:34:57.000 --> 00:34:59.500
Obviously by exclusivity,

692
00:34:59.500 --> 00:35:00.340
you're gonna be

693
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.080
Maybe hugging, hand-holding, kissing.

694
00:35:03.080 --> 00:35:05.740
I will tell you what, Jackie and I did a sex talk,

695
00:35:06.840 --> 00:35:08.340
January, maybe?

696
00:35:09.180 --> 00:35:11.840
And, you know, I used to run a pregnancy center.

697
00:35:11.840 --> 00:35:13.880
I have no filter, Jackie has no filter.

698
00:35:13.880 --> 00:35:16.440
So we talked about everything sexual.

699
00:35:16.440 --> 00:35:18.000
And she was basically like,

700
00:35:18.000 --> 00:35:20.900
if you're like doing something and having an orgasm,

701
00:35:20.900 --> 00:35:22.880
you're kind of having sex already.

702
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:24.800
And so you have to think about

703
00:35:24.800 --> 00:35:27.440
what your physical boundaries are gonna be with men.

704
00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:29.960
As I say to the young people all the time,

705
00:35:29.960 --> 00:35:32.500
do not wait until you're naked on top of each other

706
00:35:32.500 --> 00:35:34.800
to decide what your physical boundaries are.

707
00:35:34.800 --> 00:35:36.400
Know what they are ahead of time

708
00:35:36.400 --> 00:35:38.760
and do not assume that your willpower will win

709
00:35:38.760 --> 00:35:41.120
every single time and plan for that.

710
00:35:41.120 --> 00:35:44.600
We also want you guys to have emotional boundaries.

711
00:35:44.600 --> 00:35:47.800
We don't want you to drop your trauma and drama

712
00:35:47.800 --> 00:35:50.200
in your childhood, in your ex situation,

713
00:35:50.200 --> 00:35:52.320
with everybody that you go out on a first

714
00:35:52.320 --> 00:35:53.700
and second date with.

715
00:35:53.700 --> 00:35:56.760
Share top level answers of that.

716
00:35:56.760 --> 00:35:59.880
The best answer you can say is that's a great question.

717
00:36:00.640 --> 00:36:02.000
As we continue to get to know each other,

718
00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:04.440
I'll be happy to tell you more.

719
00:36:04.440 --> 00:36:08.040
You do not owe deep explanations about your exes,

720
00:36:08.040 --> 00:36:10.900
why you're still single, why you got divorced,

721
00:36:10.900 --> 00:36:13.000
what kind of dad issues you have.

722
00:36:13.000 --> 00:36:16.440
If you're at level two discovery dating,

723
00:36:16.440 --> 00:36:18.400
guys should not know any of that stuff.

724
00:36:18.400 --> 00:36:20.840
They should not know what your triggers are.

725
00:36:20.840 --> 00:36:21.800
No.

726
00:36:21.800 --> 00:36:24.480
So, and then of course, spiritual.

727
00:36:24.480 --> 00:36:27.200
Jackie's really cautious about people going to church

728
00:36:27.200 --> 00:36:29.960
too quickly, Bible studies too quickly,

729
00:36:29.960 --> 00:36:31.520
and praying together too quickly

730
00:36:31.520 --> 00:36:34.760
because it does create a level of intimacy.

731
00:36:34.760 --> 00:36:37.340
Again, you shouldn't be discovery dating

732
00:36:37.340 --> 00:36:40.160
and getting that spiritual intimacy with men.

733
00:36:40.160 --> 00:36:42.600
So it's super important you pay attention

734
00:36:42.600 --> 00:36:46.200
to your emotional, physical, and spiritual boundaries

735
00:36:46.200 --> 00:36:48.800
at level two, casual dating,

736
00:36:48.800 --> 00:36:51.320
dating more than one person at the same time

737
00:36:51.320 --> 00:36:54.360
versus level three when you're exclusive.

738
00:36:54.360 --> 00:36:57.880
And that's the skinny on that.

739
00:36:57.880 --> 00:37:01.460
So now I'm going to make sure I put,

740
00:37:01.460 --> 00:37:02.940
so here are your two questions

741
00:37:02.940 --> 00:37:05.000
that you're gonna answer in the breakout.

742
00:37:05.920 --> 00:37:09.580
Two breakout questions.

743
00:37:11.600 --> 00:37:16.600
Your pies and habits.

744
00:37:16.680 --> 00:37:18.240
Hopefully you guys took enough notes

745
00:37:18.240 --> 00:37:19.600
that you know what that is.

746
00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:25.000
Where do you find you lose it first?

747
00:37:26.640 --> 00:37:28.680
You lose it first.

748
00:37:28.680 --> 00:37:31.520
Some people say the first thing that goes is my eating.

749
00:37:31.520 --> 00:37:33.600
There are the first thing that goes is my exercise

750
00:37:33.600 --> 00:37:36.000
or the first thing that goes is my worship.

751
00:37:36.000 --> 00:37:37.880
Or the thing that triggers me the most

752
00:37:37.880 --> 00:37:41.000
is when I'm hangry or I'm bored.

753
00:37:41.000 --> 00:37:43.360
And so that's gonna be your first question.

754
00:37:44.440 --> 00:37:48.160
Where do you find that you lose it first?

755
00:37:48.160 --> 00:37:49.840
And then you're gonna answer

756
00:37:49.840 --> 00:37:52.400
where do you struggle with boundaries the most?

757
00:37:52.400 --> 00:37:55.800
Where do you struggle the most?

758
00:37:55.800 --> 00:37:59.480
And it's either gonna be dating, family,

759
00:37:59.480 --> 00:38:04.200
work, church, friends, other.

760
00:38:04.200 --> 00:38:05.720
So those are the two questions.

761
00:38:05.720 --> 00:38:07.760
I'm gonna go ahead.

762
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:11.120
Let's see, we have 33.

763
00:38:11.120 --> 00:38:13.840
I'm gonna do 10 rooms.

764
00:38:14.680 --> 00:38:15.520
Shh.

765
00:38:17.320 --> 00:38:20.600
And I will make sure that everybody has somebody

766
00:38:20.600 --> 00:38:21.440
in the room.

767
00:38:21.440 --> 00:38:23.880
So it might take about 30 seconds.

768
00:38:23.880 --> 00:38:26.560
So it is 39 after the hour.

769
00:38:26.560 --> 00:38:27.400
I'm running late

770
00:38:27.400 --> 00:38:29.400
because I knew boundaries would be a longer chat,

771
00:38:29.400 --> 00:38:31.680
but it's such a valuable one

772
00:38:31.680 --> 00:38:34.000
that I know it always takes longer.

773
00:38:34.000 --> 00:38:36.720
I'm gonna give you about 13 minutes.

774
00:38:36.720 --> 00:38:38.320
All right, it's 40.

775
00:38:38.320 --> 00:38:42.120
I'm gonna give you till like 10 minutes before the hour.

776
00:38:42.120 --> 00:38:44.120
All the rooms are open.

777
00:38:44.120 --> 00:38:46.760
Go on off and I'll see how many actually show up

778
00:38:46.760 --> 00:38:50.480
in every room to see how long y'all really need to take.

779
00:38:50.480 --> 00:38:51.960
Those are your two questions.

780
00:38:51.960 --> 00:38:54.160
Pies habits, where do you lose it first?

781
00:38:54.160 --> 00:38:55.920
And then what area of your life do you struggle with

782
00:38:55.920 --> 00:38:57.280
on the boundaries the most?

783
00:39:07.280 --> 00:39:10.040
Well, Renee, I just wanna say you look really cute today.

784
00:39:10.040 --> 00:39:10.880
Oh my God.

785
00:39:10.880 --> 00:39:12.040
You know, it's so funny.

786
00:39:13.000 --> 00:39:14.440
You are way too kind.

787
00:39:14.440 --> 00:39:17.800
Cause I just went to the bathroom and I was like,

788
00:39:17.800 --> 00:39:19.440
oh my gosh, Renee, you look like.

789
00:39:22.680 --> 00:39:25.640
Cause I got stuck in the rain and like my hair,

790
00:39:25.640 --> 00:39:26.960
I had straightened my hair,

791
00:39:26.960 --> 00:39:28.160
but like you can't,

792
00:39:28.160 --> 00:39:29.320
the reason why it's in a ponytail,

793
00:39:29.320 --> 00:39:31.800
cause it's like just a big old frizz ball right now

794
00:39:31.800 --> 00:39:34.080
with humidity and rain that one,

795
00:39:34.080 --> 00:39:34.960
but bless your heart.

796
00:39:34.960 --> 00:39:36.120
Me and Chuck is in the mail.

797
00:39:36.120 --> 00:39:37.360
I really appreciate that.

798
00:39:38.680 --> 00:39:40.800
I can't wait to hear from you guys.

799
00:39:40.840 --> 00:39:43.880
So my only other updates I'm gonna give you guys

800
00:39:43.880 --> 00:39:46.640
is as I read the posts,

801
00:39:46.640 --> 00:39:48.120
I just really wanna encourage you guys

802
00:39:48.120 --> 00:39:50.040
to hold your hands loosely.

803
00:39:50.040 --> 00:39:52.480
If you were on prayer on Monday morning,

804
00:39:52.480 --> 00:39:53.840
you know, I talked about that

805
00:39:53.840 --> 00:39:55.320
because Jackie talked about,

806
00:39:55.320 --> 00:39:57.000
if you saw her on her Instagram

807
00:39:57.000 --> 00:39:58.880
and then Supernatural Saturday,

808
00:39:58.880 --> 00:40:00.040
she talked about which.

809
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.000
How are you?

810
00:40:01.000 --> 00:40:04.880
Are you, do you need to let go or do you need to hold on to something?

811
00:40:04.880 --> 00:40:09.240
And I said, I actually think there is a both and sometimes that God just wants you to hold

812
00:40:09.240 --> 00:40:11.760
on loosely, hold with your hands loosely.

813
00:40:11.760 --> 00:40:20.320
And I feel like, you know, I, I've had a really good time here in this community and I've

814
00:40:20.320 --> 00:40:22.080
dated more than I've ever dated.

815
00:40:22.080 --> 00:40:26.200
I feel like I dated more in the last three years than I did in the last 30 years, swear

816
00:40:26.200 --> 00:40:27.200
to God.

817
00:40:27.200 --> 00:40:29.200
And I've dated some really great people.

818
00:40:29.200 --> 00:40:32.520
I've dated some real ding dongs, I should have written a book, I should have really

819
00:40:32.520 --> 00:40:35.520
kept better track of all these funny stories.

820
00:40:35.520 --> 00:40:39.840
And I dated two, if not three guys, pretty seriously.

821
00:40:39.840 --> 00:40:41.120
I ended all of them.

822
00:40:41.120 --> 00:40:42.560
You might tell me I'm too picky.

823
00:40:42.560 --> 00:40:50.080
Jackie sometimes tells me, she's like, well, Renee, I will tell you, you know, you could

824
00:40:50.080 --> 00:40:53.920
have married some of those guys and you might've been better off than a lot of marriages.

825
00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:59.960
And I'm like, I know, but I waited this long unless God's going to be like, hell yeah.

826
00:40:59.960 --> 00:41:04.400
Unless God gives me a heck yes, because he's done that in every other area of my life.

827
00:41:04.400 --> 00:41:09.160
Like I'm not going to at this age, not get a hell yes out of God, like on who I'm supposed

828
00:41:09.160 --> 00:41:10.160
to marry.

829
00:41:10.160 --> 00:41:13.520
Cause y'all, I don't have this false impression about marriage.

830
00:41:13.520 --> 00:41:14.560
I know it's hard work.

831
00:41:14.560 --> 00:41:20.160
I've seen enough divorce around me and I've seen enough happy marriages around me, but

832
00:41:20.160 --> 00:41:22.360
I don't regret my season at all.

833
00:41:22.360 --> 00:41:27.280
And right now, like after I broke up with Rick in May, I really wanted to take the summer

834
00:41:27.280 --> 00:41:32.520
off of online dating, really kind of get finished up with my health goals and just get a couple

835
00:41:32.520 --> 00:41:34.200
other things going at school.

836
00:41:34.200 --> 00:41:37.880
And then, you know, I'm going to see in the fall, like how I want to do dating in the

837
00:41:37.880 --> 00:41:40.200
fall and what do I have space and capacity for.

838
00:41:40.200 --> 00:41:44.360
And I just say that to you because some of you guys are looking at this dating challenge

839
00:41:44.360 --> 00:41:45.560
and you're getting back out there.

840
00:41:45.560 --> 00:41:51.040
I just don't want you to be in such a rush to get to the end of the line that you miss

841
00:41:51.040 --> 00:41:53.120
the joy of every day.

842
00:41:53.120 --> 00:41:58.560
So every day, find a new thing to laugh about, about this whole dating season.

843
00:41:58.560 --> 00:41:59.780
Find a new joy.

844
00:41:59.780 --> 00:42:01.260
Find the thing that you care about.

845
00:42:01.260 --> 00:42:05.180
Make sure you don't let the rest of your life go to the wayside.

846
00:42:05.180 --> 00:42:08.900
Since I've been in this program, you guys, I have published a book.

847
00:42:08.900 --> 00:42:13.560
I have left a career after 20 years to start my consulting business and I started seminary

848
00:42:13.560 --> 00:42:14.680
school.

849
00:42:14.680 --> 00:42:19.000
And so I'm really proud of the big things that I have accomplished and it's only because

850
00:42:19.000 --> 00:42:23.280
of the confidence I got in this program that I was able to go do the things.

851
00:42:23.280 --> 00:42:27.600
And I firmly believe that my guy is in all of the things that I'm doing.

852
00:42:27.600 --> 00:42:29.040
Does that make sense?

853
00:42:29.040 --> 00:42:32.920
So I don't want you to think you're supposed to obsess on this site, obsessed with the

854
00:42:32.920 --> 00:42:37.480
program, obsessed with the dating sites and put everything else to the side.

855
00:42:37.480 --> 00:42:42.000
Oh, and by the way, and I lost 30 pounds and gotten the, I'm in now the best shape of my

856
00:42:42.000 --> 00:42:43.000
life.

857
00:42:43.000 --> 00:42:45.580
So I'm using this time well.

858
00:42:45.580 --> 00:42:50.220
And so you want to make sure your house is in order, your home is in order, your life

859
00:42:50.220 --> 00:42:54.140
is in order so that when you meet your guy, you're not like, dang it, now I got to lose

860
00:42:54.140 --> 00:42:57.300
20 pounds to fit in that wedding dress or my gosh, I got to clean out my car.

861
00:42:57.300 --> 00:43:01.340
I can't let him to come in my car, come into my house, like do that crap now.

862
00:43:01.340 --> 00:43:06.180
So just make sure you enjoy your life now and live it to the fullest.

863
00:43:06.180 --> 00:43:07.180
Okay.

864
00:43:07.180 --> 00:43:08.180
That's all I'm going to say.

865
00:43:08.180 --> 00:43:09.540
The time is now yours.

866
00:43:09.540 --> 00:43:11.400
You raise your avatar hand.

867
00:43:11.400 --> 00:43:14.700
If there's anything about the boundaries I just taught you about, you're like, I don't

868
00:43:14.820 --> 00:43:15.820
know what the heck you just said.

869
00:43:15.820 --> 00:43:16.820
Can you explain that again?

870
00:43:16.820 --> 00:43:21.540
If there's anything about any of the other videos you saw, any other dating advice, the

871
00:43:21.540 --> 00:43:22.780
floor is yours.

872
00:43:22.780 --> 00:43:24.520
There's no bad or stupid question.

873
00:43:24.520 --> 00:43:27.400
Raise your avatar hand and you get the floor.

874
00:43:27.400 --> 00:43:30.900
Be the brave first person to go in the hot seat.

875
00:43:30.900 --> 00:43:38.900
And this is your time.

876
00:43:38.900 --> 00:43:39.900
I can go.

877
00:43:39.900 --> 00:43:40.900
Okay.

878
00:43:40.900 --> 00:43:41.900
No one can see me.

879
00:43:41.900 --> 00:43:42.900
Sorry about that.

880
00:43:42.900 --> 00:43:43.900
We can hear you.

881
00:43:43.900 --> 00:43:44.900
You're all good.

882
00:43:44.900 --> 00:43:45.900
You're all good.

883
00:43:45.900 --> 00:43:46.900
Yeah.

884
00:43:46.900 --> 00:43:52.020
So for me, what I noticed is that at first it's come from some kind of an anxious thought

885
00:43:52.020 --> 00:43:56.900
or worrying about something that leads to me not getting enough sleep.

886
00:43:56.900 --> 00:44:03.460
And that leads me to not being super tired and being irritable and that affects my emotions.

887
00:44:03.460 --> 00:44:09.100
So that's the kind of pattern that I notice.

888
00:44:09.100 --> 00:44:12.860
And yeah, I guess, is that the only, is that the question that you asked?

889
00:44:13.820 --> 00:44:14.820
Well, it's whatever.

890
00:44:14.820 --> 00:44:15.820
It's your time.

891
00:44:15.820 --> 00:44:19.220
You get to either say a highlight, ask me a question, ask me a dating question.

892
00:44:19.220 --> 00:44:20.220
It's whatever you want.

893
00:44:20.220 --> 00:44:24.860
But I love that because y'all so many times, like we're like, oh my gosh, why did I say

894
00:44:24.860 --> 00:44:25.860
that thing wrong?

895
00:44:25.860 --> 00:44:26.860
Do that thing wrong?

896
00:44:26.860 --> 00:44:28.620
Sometimes we just stink and need sleep.

897
00:44:28.620 --> 00:44:31.160
Like Jesus rested all of the time.

898
00:44:31.160 --> 00:44:32.980
He was fully God.

899
00:44:32.980 --> 00:44:35.060
He was also fully man, but he was fully God.

900
00:44:35.060 --> 00:44:38.300
And if that man needed to rest, then we needed to rest.

901
00:44:38.300 --> 00:44:41.460
If God rested on the seventh day, we need to rest.

902
00:44:41.460 --> 00:44:48.180
And so we forget how much repair happens when we're sleeping and resting our bodies.

903
00:44:48.180 --> 00:44:51.060
So I'm glad you brought that up because it's so important.

904
00:44:51.060 --> 00:44:52.060
Okay.

905
00:44:52.060 --> 00:44:54.340
If you think of another dating question, we can come back around to you.

906
00:44:54.340 --> 00:44:55.260
Janet, you are up.

907
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:11.280
Hey. Okay. Can you hear me? I can. Okay, good. Okay, so I had written earlier, maybe last week, I have

908
00:45:12.080 --> 00:45:18.080
a booth that I sell things in and an older lady had come up to me and asked me if I was single

909
00:45:18.640 --> 00:45:24.400
and, you know, I said yes and she said, well, you know, I want to fix you up with my son.

910
00:45:25.200 --> 00:45:33.600
And so, I didn't really know what to say, but anyway, she got my number, okay, and I didn't

911
00:45:33.600 --> 00:45:38.560
hear from him or I didn't know if I heard from him because I don't answer phone calls from a

912
00:45:38.560 --> 00:45:45.280
number that I don't know. So, I saw her today. So, I went today. I saw her today. I was talking

913
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:52.880
to somebody else and she came over and she said, did you hear from him? And I said, no, I didn't.

914
00:45:52.880 --> 00:45:59.760
And she said, well, he's kind of shy and she says, let me give you his number and this is his

915
00:45:59.760 --> 00:46:05.280
name and you can look him up on Facebook. All right. So, I did look him up on Facebook and it's

916
00:46:05.280 --> 00:46:11.520
not bad looking at all and so, anyway, he's, you know, he's got his grandkids there, you know,

917
00:46:11.520 --> 00:46:18.800
his son, blah, blah, blah. So, my question is, do I reach out to him? So, you've not reached out to

918
00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:26.880
him yet? No. Okay. So, this would be a drop the hanky moment. We're not supposed to be the

919
00:46:26.880 --> 00:46:34.480
pursuers in a relationship, but we can make it easy for men to ask us out on a date. So, a really

920
00:46:34.480 --> 00:46:41.040
easy thing that you can do, Jen, is be like, hey, I'm just making up a name. Hey, Mark, I got your

921
00:46:41.040 --> 00:46:49.280
name from so-and-so. Your mother. I know that, or your mom. I know this could be awkward and I just

922
00:46:49.280 --> 00:46:55.280
wanted you to know that if you want to do a video chat or just meet for coffee and just get to know

923
00:46:55.280 --> 00:47:04.560
each other, there is like no, you know, I don't have any expectation. It just would be nice to

924
00:47:04.560 --> 00:47:09.920
get to know you. If it makes it easier, let me send a copy of, you know, here's a screenshot

925
00:47:09.920 --> 00:47:14.480
of my picture. Let me just tell you a little bit about me. And you would almost kind of be like,

926
00:47:14.480 --> 00:47:21.520
you know, I'm a single woman. I've got grown kids. I like pickleball. I sure would love to just get

927
00:47:21.520 --> 00:47:26.720
a chance to get to know you. If not, and this seems too awkward, please, no harm feelings.

928
00:47:26.720 --> 00:47:34.320
So, it is okay for you to initiate the dropping of the hanky and then you leave it be. I've had

929
00:47:34.320 --> 00:47:38.880
plenty of friends who are like, oh, do you mind if I give my name to a guy and then I never hear

930
00:47:38.880 --> 00:47:44.800
from him? You guys, so many times men just kind of wimp out on it. So, I will say this too, Janet,

931
00:47:44.800 --> 00:47:50.800
if you do that, if you drop the hanky and you don't hear from him, please know this is not about you.

932
00:47:53.360 --> 00:47:58.800
So, we have to be willing to drop the hanky only if we're willing to not get a response.

933
00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:05.760
Because believe it or not, people feel really uncomfortable to say no thank you. How many of

934
00:48:05.760 --> 00:48:11.360
us want to say no thank you? It's so uncomfortable. Like when a guy asks you out on a date or you go

935
00:48:11.360 --> 00:48:15.200
out on a date with a guy and you're like, yeah, this is a no. But then he asks you out again,

936
00:48:15.200 --> 00:48:21.600
you're like, oh crap, how do I say no and be kind? Because nobody wants to hurt anybody's feeling.

937
00:48:21.600 --> 00:48:27.360
So, I say this in the online dating thing, but in that first contact, the first phone call,

938
00:48:27.360 --> 00:48:33.440
the first text, the first video date, we have to be okay with them dropping us like a hot potato

939
00:48:33.440 --> 00:48:38.240
with no explanation. Because sometimes people don't do awkward well. It doesn't make them a

940
00:48:38.240 --> 00:48:43.200
bad person. It just means they don't like awkward. So, I think it's okay for you to drop the hanky.

941
00:48:44.160 --> 00:48:48.800
I think it'd be easier if you gave him a picture and told him a little bit about you. So, it kind

942
00:48:48.800 --> 00:48:53.520
of breaks the ice a little bit and just say, hey, I'd love to either do a quick video chat or meet

943
00:48:53.520 --> 00:48:59.200
for a glass of wine or just go grab Starbucks and go walk down the street. Like if you make it sound

944
00:48:59.680 --> 00:49:06.240
just to get to know each other. And if we don't hit it off with each other, I know a great community

945
00:49:06.240 --> 00:49:10.960
of women. You could even say that, if we don't hit it off, I know a great community of women

946
00:49:11.600 --> 00:49:16.480
and you can leave it at that. But I kind of say, why not? What the heck? I mean,

947
00:49:16.480 --> 00:49:21.360
if he doesn't pick you, you will not die. You don't even know him and he doesn't even know you.

948
00:49:22.320 --> 00:49:28.240
We think it means something so monumental, but it doesn't. It's like, it doesn't. And you're

949
00:49:28.240 --> 00:49:32.240
adorable, Janet, man. I mean, I think you should do it. Like, I think you should do it.

950
00:49:32.240 --> 00:49:39.520
Moms always know. I mean, we all joke around about this, but like moms know. Like our moms

951
00:49:39.520 --> 00:49:45.520
know us. Like moms know their sons. Moms know their sons. They really do. All right.

952
00:49:45.520 --> 00:49:47.520
Okay. Thank you. Appreciate it.

953
00:49:47.520 --> 00:49:48.240
Stephanie, you're up.

954
00:49:50.080 --> 00:49:54.880
Okay. I just wanted to say that years ago, I heard Danny Silk do this thing about boundaries.

955
00:49:54.880 --> 00:49:59.840
Some people are closer and I had totally forgotten it. My girlfriends are my issue.

956
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.500
She, in fact, way back when we did the confessions,

957
00:50:02.500 --> 00:50:04.180
they were my issue.

958
00:50:04.180 --> 00:50:06.020
And that helped me a ton right now

959
00:50:06.020 --> 00:50:08.540
because it's the whole let it go

960
00:50:08.540 --> 00:50:10.540
and put that boundary out here.

961
00:50:10.540 --> 00:50:11.620
So, okay.

962
00:50:11.620 --> 00:50:13.140
The second thing I wanna-

963
00:50:13.140 --> 00:50:13.980
I love it.

964
00:50:13.980 --> 00:50:14.940
And Stephanie, let me give you something

965
00:50:14.940 --> 00:50:16.140
a little bit further too.

966
00:50:16.140 --> 00:50:17.700
So one of the things I learned,

967
00:50:17.700 --> 00:50:19.760
because a lot of times with boundaries,

968
00:50:19.760 --> 00:50:21.860
especially in the Townsend and Cloud kind of version,

969
00:50:21.860 --> 00:50:24.420
you just think there's one boundary, right?

970
00:50:24.420 --> 00:50:27.260
And then I did trauma training with Marilyn Murray.

971
00:50:27.400 --> 00:50:30.880
And she talks about, she calls it circles of intimacy.

972
00:50:30.880 --> 00:50:33.480
And in the first circle is me and God.

973
00:50:33.480 --> 00:50:36.440
The second circle is spouse and children.

974
00:50:36.440 --> 00:50:39.800
The third circle are close family and friends.

975
00:50:39.800 --> 00:50:42.320
And then the fourth circle might be your ministry,

976
00:50:42.320 --> 00:50:44.420
your other friends, and the fifth circle.

977
00:50:44.420 --> 00:50:47.320
So it's not that people are in or out,

978
00:50:47.320 --> 00:50:49.240
it's how close they are to you.

979
00:50:49.240 --> 00:50:53.840
So like, I learned how to love my dad best

980
00:50:53.840 --> 00:50:56.200
by putting him in circle seven.

981
00:50:56.200 --> 00:50:59.420
Like way far away from where I had my mom,

982
00:50:59.420 --> 00:51:01.340
but I was actually able to love him

983
00:51:01.340 --> 00:51:03.740
and honor him and respect him better out there.

984
00:51:03.740 --> 00:51:05.360
So with some of your friends,

985
00:51:05.360 --> 00:51:07.180
you're gonna have them really close

986
00:51:07.180 --> 00:51:08.500
and other friends, you put them out

987
00:51:08.500 --> 00:51:12.100
and you'll actually get to honor them better further out.

988
00:51:12.100 --> 00:51:16.100
So kind of putting the circles around boundaries

989
00:51:16.100 --> 00:51:20.460
really helped me versus they're either in or out, right?

990
00:51:20.460 --> 00:51:23.340
In or out just felt so abrupt to me.

991
00:51:23.340 --> 00:51:25.060
Yeah, totally.

992
00:51:25.060 --> 00:51:25.900
Love it.

993
00:51:26.720 --> 00:51:29.080
I haven't heard his name in a while.

994
00:51:29.080 --> 00:51:31.560
Danny, yeah, he actually does the whole thing

995
00:51:31.560 --> 00:51:34.480
like you just said, out to number seven.

996
00:51:34.480 --> 00:51:36.520
Okay, I just wanna bring this one thing up.

997
00:51:36.520 --> 00:51:38.000
How do I know when guys are real?

998
00:51:38.000 --> 00:51:42.920
I mean, I'm online, I'm getting a lot of fake guys.

999
00:51:42.920 --> 00:51:46.020
I actually saw, I think I told you this in Facebook.

1000
00:51:46.020 --> 00:51:49.600
I saw two different guys on two different apps tell me,

1001
00:51:49.600 --> 00:51:54.400
I'm owner of a logging company and I just had to laugh.

1002
00:51:54.460 --> 00:51:55.900
It was hilarious.

1003
00:51:55.900 --> 00:51:57.580
They're obviously making it up.

1004
00:51:57.580 --> 00:52:02.060
The fastest way for me to find out if someone's real

1005
00:52:02.060 --> 00:52:04.980
is if I ask for a video date, right?

1006
00:52:04.980 --> 00:52:07.460
I will get past, so I will, I can say,

1007
00:52:07.460 --> 00:52:09.780
I mean, I've gotten to the point where I can kind of tell

1008
00:52:09.780 --> 00:52:12.100
when someone is fake or not fake

1009
00:52:12.100 --> 00:52:14.020
or they aren't who they say they are

1010
00:52:14.020 --> 00:52:19.020
or at the very least those pictures are 20 years old, right?

1011
00:52:20.140 --> 00:52:22.020
So something about it's off.

1012
00:52:22.040 --> 00:52:25.200
So I have a blanket list of information

1013
00:52:25.200 --> 00:52:28.560
I'm willing to share in a text with a guy online.

1014
00:52:28.560 --> 00:52:30.320
I'm willing to say something like,

1015
00:52:31.280 --> 00:52:33.120
I come from a big Italian family.

1016
00:52:33.120 --> 00:52:34.640
I love to cook.

1017
00:52:34.640 --> 00:52:36.920
I've lived in California and Connecticut.

1018
00:52:36.920 --> 00:52:40.920
I've worked in healthcare and nonprofit ministry.

1019
00:52:40.920 --> 00:52:42.560
I love to travel.

1020
00:52:42.560 --> 00:52:45.360
I love live theater and I love college sports.

1021
00:52:45.360 --> 00:52:47.280
I don't care if everybody and their mother,

1022
00:52:47.280 --> 00:52:51.140
fake or unfake, AI or non AI knows that about me.

1023
00:52:51.160 --> 00:52:54.000
I'm willing to share that in a text with anything

1024
00:52:54.960 --> 00:52:57.480
and see how they respond.

1025
00:52:57.480 --> 00:53:02.440
Anything past that, I say, that's a great question.

1026
00:53:02.440 --> 00:53:05.320
I'm really looking to get to know people in real life.

1027
00:53:05.320 --> 00:53:08.000
Can we set up a quick video chat?

1028
00:53:08.000 --> 00:53:09.760
Just 10, 15 minutes.

1029
00:53:09.760 --> 00:53:11.160
Well, why don't we just give each other

1030
00:53:11.160 --> 00:53:12.080
our phone numbers first?

1031
00:53:12.080 --> 00:53:13.840
Nope, I don't do phone numbers.

1032
00:53:13.840 --> 00:53:17.360
I really think it's really easier for both of us

1033
00:53:17.360 --> 00:53:19.240
if we can just see each other,

1034
00:53:19.240 --> 00:53:23.360
we can see, hear tone and inflection and see body language.

1035
00:53:23.360 --> 00:53:25.020
I just wanna get right to it.

1036
00:53:25.020 --> 00:53:27.760
If men don't wanna do that,

1037
00:53:27.760 --> 00:53:32.260
if they are not safe, healthy, or they're scammers,

1038
00:53:32.260 --> 00:53:34.760
they will ghost me or they will,

1039
00:53:34.760 --> 00:53:36.720
well, you guys, I've been called a bitch.

1040
00:53:36.720 --> 00:53:40.520
I've been called, like, you're just being ridiculous.

1041
00:53:40.520 --> 00:53:42.040
You're being negative.

1042
00:53:42.040 --> 00:53:43.280
You got issues.

1043
00:53:43.280 --> 00:53:44.400
You want drama.

1044
00:53:44.400 --> 00:53:46.520
Like, I've been called every negative thing in the book.

1045
00:53:46.520 --> 00:53:47.480
I don't care.

1046
00:53:47.480 --> 00:53:48.760
Bye-bye.

1047
00:53:48.760 --> 00:53:50.120
Bye-bye.

1048
00:53:50.120 --> 00:53:52.440
And so that's how you know right away,

1049
00:53:52.440 --> 00:53:54.440
a non-real guy won't get on camera with you.

1050
00:53:54.440 --> 00:53:56.820
He might get on the phone with you, though.

1051
00:53:56.820 --> 00:53:59.600
That's why I don't go to the Google Voice number

1052
00:53:59.600 --> 00:54:00.480
because some guy,

1053
00:54:00.480 --> 00:54:02.240
just because I'm talking to him on the phone

1054
00:54:02.240 --> 00:54:03.280
and just because he,

1055
00:54:03.280 --> 00:54:05.640
and I'm not into the whole send me more photos.

1056
00:54:05.640 --> 00:54:08.280
No, there's eight photos on my profile.

1057
00:54:08.280 --> 00:54:10.720
If you're not sure what I look like, guess what?

1058
00:54:10.720 --> 00:54:12.040
Let's do a video chat.

1059
00:54:12.040 --> 00:54:13.340
You could see me.

1060
00:54:14.340 --> 00:54:16.520
Because if you send me more photos, like,

1061
00:54:16.520 --> 00:54:19.260
but the date, that's just weird to me.

1062
00:54:19.260 --> 00:54:20.460
It's just weird to me.

1063
00:54:20.460 --> 00:54:22.540
So that's the fastest way, Stephanie,

1064
00:54:22.540 --> 00:54:26.020
I always find out is just be willing to do a video date.

1065
00:54:26.020 --> 00:54:29.500
And after the video date, if I think he's like a good guy,

1066
00:54:29.500 --> 00:54:31.680
I look at the surroundings around him,

1067
00:54:31.680 --> 00:54:34.180
I usually then ask for a last name

1068
00:54:34.180 --> 00:54:35.740
because you guys, here's the thing.

1069
00:54:35.740 --> 00:54:38.660
Like, you don't have to Google much to find out.

1070
00:54:38.660 --> 00:54:41.840
Like, if you just put Renee comma Nashville,

1071
00:54:41.840 --> 00:54:42.940
I ran a nonprofit.

1072
00:54:43.540 --> 00:54:44.420
I've done enough interviews.

1073
00:54:44.420 --> 00:54:46.660
You will find my website and you can Google

1074
00:54:46.660 --> 00:54:48.220
and find me pretty stinking fast.

1075
00:54:48.220 --> 00:54:51.020
So by the time I do a video, I'm willing to give them my,

1076
00:54:51.020 --> 00:54:52.660
fine, you want to go look at my last name?

1077
00:54:52.660 --> 00:54:54.140
That's great, because I want your last name

1078
00:54:54.140 --> 00:54:56.120
because now I'm going to go do a Google search on you.

1079
00:54:56.120 --> 00:54:57.780
I'm going to go look for you on your socials.

1080
00:54:57.780 --> 00:55:00.380
I'm going to make sure that what you're saying to me.

1081
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.000
is matching your social media world, matching your LinkedIn world, and so at least, and I still

1082
00:55:06.000 --> 00:55:11.600
haven't given out my phone number yet, so I may or may not give out my phone number until after

1083
00:55:11.600 --> 00:55:16.320
our first live date, and that's when I'm kind of like, okay, now I'll give you my first date,

1084
00:55:16.320 --> 00:55:20.800
because then I don't mind blocking you after that if you're kind of crazy, but that's how I,

1085
00:55:20.800 --> 00:55:27.360
Stephanie, find out someone's real right away. I stop texting as fast as possible, and so that's

1086
00:55:27.360 --> 00:55:32.480
always my recommendation. Text only to get to the video chat, and then from the video chat,

1087
00:55:32.480 --> 00:55:37.280
you're trying to get a date. Girls, if you are still texting some dude you met for three weeks,

1088
00:55:37.280 --> 00:55:43.040
you are texting too long, because you're probably sharing intimate information, or you're having,

1089
00:55:43.040 --> 00:55:47.040
hi, hi, how was your day? How was your day? You're either having dumb conversation,

1090
00:55:47.040 --> 00:55:51.280
or you're sharing too much, and I don't know about y'all, but I want to date a man that I

1091
00:55:51.280 --> 00:55:56.080
can sit next to and talk to in real life. I don't want to date a man that we're going to be doing

1092
00:55:56.080 --> 00:56:01.120
this in two different rooms with each other, so don't start. If you start by texting and building

1093
00:56:01.120 --> 00:56:05.200
your relationship that way, then you're going to wonder why six months from now he won't talk to

1094
00:56:05.200 --> 00:56:09.440
you, because you did this from the get-go, so don't do it. Does that help, Steph?

1095
00:56:12.560 --> 00:56:19.280
Okay, great. Annemarie, you're up. Okay, so speaking about that video date thing,

1096
00:56:19.280 --> 00:56:25.040
like I've never done that with people. I haven't had people ask that. I tried to ask that with

1097
00:56:25.040 --> 00:56:30.320
a potential date last weekend in Reading, and they just kind of blew everything off.

1098
00:56:31.360 --> 00:56:38.720
I just now set up a date with someone new for Friday night that's in person, but is the video

1099
00:56:38.720 --> 00:56:45.120
date necessary? I guess I just haven't done that in this whole debut thing, dating online thing.

1100
00:56:45.120 --> 00:56:53.600
I will say this. If he is local, like I have met guys that are local, I mean within 30 minutes,

1101
00:56:54.160 --> 00:57:01.280
and if they are willing to come to me, then I will meet them during the day at a coffee shop

1102
00:57:01.280 --> 00:57:09.120
or take a walk down Main Street with them. I'm willing to do that. I have just found that when

1103
00:57:09.120 --> 00:57:15.840
I've skipped right to the live date, I have learned things in the first 10 minutes that I'm like,

1104
00:57:17.440 --> 00:57:20.400
this shouldn't have never gone to a first date. Do you know what I'm saying?

1105
00:57:21.200 --> 00:57:26.960
I find in the first 20 minutes in a video date, I can tell if we both have a little bit of

1106
00:57:26.960 --> 00:57:34.480
chemistry, if I could tell his mannerisms, I could tell how clean he is, how articulate he is,

1107
00:57:34.480 --> 00:57:39.760
so I don't book like an hour. You guys, I'll book, I'll just say, hey, can we just chat for

1108
00:57:39.760 --> 00:57:46.400
20 minutes? Here's why I like doing it. I also think it takes the edge off that first date.

1109
00:57:46.400 --> 00:57:50.080
You know when you both show up at a restaurant, but you've not seen each other person,

1110
00:57:50.320 --> 00:57:55.600
you're standing in front of the hostess, you're like, hi, I'm Renee. Hi, I'm Tom. It's just

1111
00:57:55.600 --> 00:58:02.960
awkward for the first 10 minutes. I find doing a quick 15 minute video takes the edge off. It

1112
00:58:02.960 --> 00:58:09.040
makes that first visit a bit more casual, a bit more comfortable. You certainly don't have to

1113
00:58:09.040 --> 00:58:14.080
do it. I will tell you this, my butt's not going to get in a car and drive longer than 20 minutes

1114
00:58:14.080 --> 00:58:19.040
for a guy I've not seen on a video. I'm personally not going to do it. I've been dating long enough

1115
00:58:19.040 --> 00:58:24.960
now after three years, I'm like been there, done that. And so I'm personally, so if you want to get

1116
00:58:24.960 --> 00:58:29.760
in the car and drive 45 minutes with somebody you've not had a video chat with, and you're

1117
00:58:29.760 --> 00:58:34.160
sure that that's exactly what he looks like, then y'all do it. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like

1118
00:58:34.160 --> 00:58:37.760
I'm not going to, I'm not telling you, you have to do it. I personally do it because I want to

1119
00:58:37.760 --> 00:58:43.120
make sure he is who he says he is. I want to make sure he looks like the guy in the pictures because

1120
00:58:43.120 --> 00:58:48.400
I don't want to show up on a date and he's 30 years older than the photo that I'm looking at,

1121
00:58:48.400 --> 00:58:55.120
or 100 pounds heavier, or 20 feet taller, or whatever. Like, I want to make sure I'm not, I

1122
00:58:55.120 --> 00:58:58.640
don't want to do that because you guys, I'm not really good at shock and awe. Like, I would make

1123
00:58:58.640 --> 00:59:04.400
a horrible poker player, so I don't know how well I'd be able to hide my shock and awe. Like, really?

1124
00:59:04.400 --> 00:59:08.960
Really? That's a good idea. I'm going to start trying to, I guess, implement that and see what

1125
00:59:08.960 --> 00:59:12.640
happens. And just say, you know, I've just learned, you can be like, hey Mark, you know, I've just

1126
00:59:12.640 --> 00:59:17.040
learned, you know, I have just learned for me, it takes the edge off that first visit. Let's just

1127
00:59:17.040 --> 00:59:26.560
get on a quick chat for 15 minutes. And so, yes, exactly, Sarah. Thank you. And somebody says,

1128
00:59:26.560 --> 00:59:31.680
what if you hate video? I know, I hate it too. That's why you say video chat and you only keep

1129
00:59:31.680 --> 00:59:37.440
it to 20 minutes. You're not trying to turn it into a date. Now, if you are long distance,

1130
00:59:37.440 --> 00:59:41.520
you need to learn how to turn those things into dates and you can make them super fun.

1131
00:59:42.480 --> 00:59:47.520
Yeah. I mean, y'all, like when I see men show photos of like, you can tell, like they show

1132
00:59:47.520 --> 00:59:52.400
like their entire lifespan. I really don't care how hot you were when you were 25 in the Marines,

1133
00:59:52.400 --> 00:59:59.840
if you're 60. Like, that's awesome, but that does me no good. I just need to know what you

1134
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.320
look like. Let's see where I'm at. I feel all the same guy are on these sites. It makes

1135
01:00:05.320 --> 01:00:09.760
me panic and I delete my profile. Okay, Katrina, I need you to let go of that. If you've not

1136
01:00:09.760 --> 01:00:15.520
watched the online dating video, I need you to watch it. I will say this, you guys, you

1137
01:00:15.520 --> 01:00:20.660
have to have the grace for online dating and you have to go in with this attitude that

1138
01:00:20.660 --> 01:00:27.600
I'm going to attract different. I'm going to find good guys. If you go into online dating

1139
01:00:27.600 --> 01:00:31.700
with, they all suck. They're all the same guys. They're all scammers. I'm going to tell

1140
01:00:31.700 --> 01:00:36.600
you to not waste your time and get off tonight. Don't delete your profile. Just put it on

1141
01:00:36.600 --> 01:00:41.600
pause. Now here's the thing you guys, I, no one hated online dating more than me and right

1142
01:00:41.600 --> 01:00:47.220
now I'm not even doing it. I've taken a pause from it, but you guys, I have, I learned so

1143
01:00:47.220 --> 01:00:51.340
much about myself in the last three years. I don't know about y'all, but I don't run

1144
01:00:51.340 --> 01:00:56.940
into single men. Like I ran a nonprofit and I'm in church ministry and I love life theater.

1145
01:00:56.940 --> 01:01:00.420
You know what that means? It means I'm around married men and gay men. Those are the only

1146
01:01:00.420 --> 01:01:04.860
two kind of men I'm around. So if I want to go on a date, I can't trust my friends cause

1147
01:01:04.860 --> 01:01:08.620
they've done a crap job of introducing me to men. All I hear from my friends are like,

1148
01:01:08.620 --> 01:01:13.660
I don't know anybody good enough for you. Whatever. They all got dumb reasons, but whatever.

1149
01:01:13.660 --> 01:01:18.580
And so if I wanted to practice dating and giving different guys a chance, the only shot

1150
01:01:18.580 --> 01:01:23.300
I had in doing that was online dating. I can tell you this, you guys, I have probably been

1151
01:01:23.300 --> 01:01:29.620
on probably a hundred live dates in the last three years, but I'm sure I've been ghosted

1152
01:01:29.620 --> 01:01:35.940
from about 300 guys. I'm sure I've been, I mean, I've had scammers. You know what it

1153
01:01:35.940 --> 01:01:41.300
is? God has given me the grace that I ignore the scammers. I ignore the ghosters and I'm

1154
01:01:41.300 --> 01:01:46.460
only focusing on the really nice guys that I've had a chance to meet that are good guys.

1155
01:01:46.460 --> 01:01:52.700
And so that's the lens that you have to go into online dating. You have to go, yeah,

1156
01:01:52.700 --> 01:01:57.300
you're jerks, but you guys, if you're on a site and you're a good person, chances

1157
01:01:57.300 --> 01:02:02.300
are there's another good guy. And you guys, I've done Simbas, which is the save your marriage

1158
01:02:02.300 --> 01:02:07.560
before it starts pre-marriage class. There was like 30 of us in that group. Five people

1159
01:02:07.560 --> 01:02:13.400
met somebody in real life. 25 of the 30 people met somebody online. And I literally heard

1160
01:02:13.400 --> 01:02:19.580
every dating site named. I heard Facebook dating, eHarmony, Match, Upward, Holy, Salt,

1161
01:02:19.580 --> 01:02:24.740
Hinge, Bumble, all of them. So there are good guys on all of them and there are good

1162
01:02:24.740 --> 01:02:28.940
girls on all of them and there's ding dongs on all of them. And so you just have to be

1163
01:02:28.940 --> 01:02:33.460
willing. I always say pick two, spend a little bit of time in the morning, a little bit of

1164
01:02:33.460 --> 01:02:37.580
time at night and don't obsess over it and continue to move on with your life and have

1165
01:02:37.580 --> 01:02:41.820
a good time. So if you can't go in it with that attitude, don't do it because you're

1166
01:02:41.820 --> 01:02:46.260
just going to be miserable. And then just make sure, now I will say this, I'm taking

1167
01:02:46.260 --> 01:02:51.340
a break from online dating, but I've made sure I look amazing at the airport, at the

1168
01:02:51.340 --> 01:02:56.620
gym, at church. Like I forget where I was just with my mom and my sister. They're like,

1169
01:02:56.620 --> 01:03:00.820
why are you so dressed up? I'm like, cause I'm single. I never know where he's going

1170
01:03:00.820 --> 01:03:05.300
to be or kind of like what just happened to Janet. What if I have this attitude that I

1171
01:03:05.300 --> 01:03:11.940
only need to worry about looking good in front of men? I want some chick to say, oh my gosh,

1172
01:03:11.940 --> 01:03:16.060
you need to meet my brother. Oh my gosh, you need to meet my uncle. Oh my gosh, you

1173
01:03:16.060 --> 01:03:20.900
need to meet my boss. He's amazing. I know him so well. That's what I'm doing. I'm making

1174
01:03:20.900 --> 01:03:26.140
sure I look good. I'm making sure like instead of just taking my laptop and studying at home

1175
01:03:26.140 --> 01:03:30.940
and working on a paper, I go to the bourbon shop. I go to the coffee shop. Like I get

1176
01:03:30.940 --> 01:03:35.220
myself out there and I talk to people. So if you're not going to be online, make sure

1177
01:03:35.220 --> 01:03:38.820
you're getting out there. All right. I'm going to get off my soapbox. Monica, you're next.

1178
01:03:42.260 --> 01:03:46.580
Thanks Renee. I've just, this is my second week and I have more of a technical question.

1179
01:03:46.580 --> 01:03:51.540
I apologize. You were talking about the Facebook comment. So how did, how does that work?

1180
01:03:52.740 --> 01:04:00.020
Facebook dating you mean? Um, you want us to post something on the Facebook feed? Yeah.

1181
01:04:00.020 --> 01:04:05.700
So are you in the face? Are you in the phase two Facebook page yet? Um, maybe I'm not. I,

1182
01:04:05.940 --> 01:04:14.100
okay. So were you in the Facebook page for phase one? I don't know if I was, maybe I wasn't.

1183
01:04:14.100 --> 01:04:18.020
Oh my gosh, girl. Okay. So right. And this is going to change when you guys get to the app

1184
01:04:18.020 --> 01:04:25.300
for phase three on the app, the education, the replays, the links, and the conversation with

1185
01:04:25.300 --> 01:04:31.620
each other are all in the same place. They're just in different tabs. The portal where your content

1186
01:04:31.620 --> 01:04:37.300
is, is at the JackieDorman.com website. And that's also, there's one box that has all the

1187
01:04:37.300 --> 01:04:42.180
teaching. And then there's another box that has the schedule, the links and the replays,

1188
01:04:42.900 --> 01:04:49.140
but that's not your community. The Facebook page for phase one and phase two is on Facebook. And

1189
01:04:49.140 --> 01:04:54.700
so it's just a private Facebook page. So, um, go to your search bar and put in, um,

1190
01:04:56.740 --> 01:04:59.940
I want to just say it's phase one, but like, I'm sure that's not true. Hold on.

1191
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.840
I'm having a brain freeze.

1192
01:05:02.840 --> 01:05:07.000
It's called last year single dash phase two.

1193
01:05:07.000 --> 01:05:10.080
So look for it in your Facebook page,

1194
01:05:10.080 --> 01:05:11.960
last year single dash phase two.

1195
01:05:11.960 --> 01:05:14.640
And this will be the last time you're in Facebook.

1196
01:05:14.640 --> 01:05:18.320
And I hate that you missed that of all of phase one,

1197
01:05:18.320 --> 01:05:20.160
but you're here now and it's so much fun.

1198
01:05:20.160 --> 01:05:22.600
And we're gonna be here for a few weeks.

1199
01:05:22.600 --> 01:05:25.880
I'm David, we have rolled off all of phase three,

1200
01:05:25.880 --> 01:05:29.480
like a thousand people and the guys onto the app.

1201
01:05:30.440 --> 01:05:32.080
He's working on something else

1202
01:05:32.080 --> 01:05:34.200
and I'm hoping to move you guys.

1203
01:05:34.200 --> 01:05:36.320
I will let you know when it happens.

1204
01:05:36.320 --> 01:05:37.880
You will get an email from us saying,

1205
01:05:37.880 --> 01:05:42.040
hey, you can start migrating over to phase two on the app.

1206
01:05:42.040 --> 01:05:44.160
And what's gonna happen is I'm probably gonna keep

1207
01:05:44.160 --> 01:05:46.160
this Facebook page open a few weeks

1208
01:05:46.160 --> 01:05:47.960
while people are moving onto the app.

1209
01:05:47.960 --> 01:05:50.600
So there's gonna be the early adopters

1210
01:05:50.600 --> 01:05:52.280
that are gonna run right to the app

1211
01:05:52.280 --> 01:05:53.440
and get used to it over there.

1212
01:05:53.440 --> 01:05:54.680
And there's gonna be some of you that are like,

1213
01:05:54.680 --> 01:05:57.120
I just like Facebook and I'm gonna stay here

1214
01:05:57.120 --> 01:05:59.160
until I eventually kick you all out.

1215
01:05:59.160 --> 01:06:02.640
And so we're gonna toggle between the app

1216
01:06:02.640 --> 01:06:03.920
and the Facebook page,

1217
01:06:03.920 --> 01:06:06.280
and you're gonna have community in both places.

1218
01:06:06.280 --> 01:06:08.740
But eventually by the end of the summer,

1219
01:06:08.740 --> 01:06:10.000
phase one, two, and three,

1220
01:06:10.000 --> 01:06:11.880
everybody will be off of Facebook

1221
01:06:11.880 --> 01:06:14.520
and we'll be completely on the app.

1222
01:06:14.520 --> 01:06:16.080
And I'm super excited

1223
01:06:16.080 --> 01:06:18.760
because then once we're all together on the app,

1224
01:06:18.760 --> 01:06:20.360
then we have to get all of the men

1225
01:06:20.360 --> 01:06:23.120
that are in the challenge on Facebook,

1226
01:06:23.120 --> 01:06:26.560
as easy technology-wise getting them into the app.

1227
01:06:26.560 --> 01:06:28.880
And then by the time you're in phase three,

1228
01:06:28.880 --> 01:06:31.280
you should be able to merge the men and the women

1229
01:06:31.280 --> 01:06:35.160
and it'll be easier for you guys to get to each other.

1230
01:06:35.160 --> 01:06:37.820
So anyway, did you find it on Facebook?

1231
01:06:37.820 --> 01:06:39.720
I just found phase one, not phase two.

1232
01:06:39.720 --> 01:06:42.320
Do I have to be invited to phase two?

1233
01:06:42.320 --> 01:06:43.720
Well, you know what?

1234
01:06:44.800 --> 01:06:47.480
Heck, you shouldn't have to be,

1235
01:06:47.480 --> 01:06:48.320
but you know what?

1236
01:06:48.320 --> 01:06:49.880
Let me get you the,

1237
01:06:49.880 --> 01:06:53.960
I'm gonna put the link right now in the chat.

1238
01:06:53.960 --> 01:06:55.280
Where did you get an email?

1239
01:06:55.280 --> 01:06:57.400
When I came into phase two, I got an email

1240
01:06:57.400 --> 01:06:59.640
and then I clicked on the face group there.

1241
01:06:59.640 --> 01:07:00.840
Well, she should have,

1242
01:07:00.840 --> 01:07:03.440
but if her system wasn't setting up correctly,

1243
01:07:03.440 --> 01:07:04.940
sometimes when people joined,

1244
01:07:04.940 --> 01:07:07.760
they forgot to click the button to get emails from us.

1245
01:07:07.760 --> 01:07:11.040
So, and if she went through all of phase one

1246
01:07:11.040 --> 01:07:12.580
without that email,

1247
01:07:12.580 --> 01:07:15.080
she probably didn't get the first email then too,

1248
01:07:15.080 --> 01:07:16.920
which is the problem.

1249
01:07:16.920 --> 01:07:20.520
So that's why you guys have to check your settings,

1250
01:07:20.520 --> 01:07:22.520
but hold on.

1251
01:07:22.520 --> 01:07:24.400
I'm gonna, here.

1252
01:07:24.400 --> 01:07:26.320
Renee, can you check my message?

1253
01:07:26.320 --> 01:07:28.000
I just saw.

1254
01:07:28.000 --> 01:07:30.520
Okay, so that's the link right there.

1255
01:07:30.520 --> 01:07:33.200
So Monica in the chat, try clicking on that link.

1256
01:07:33.200 --> 01:07:35.080
Okay, thank you.

1257
01:07:35.080 --> 01:07:37.040
And that should send you there.

1258
01:07:40.760 --> 01:07:42.080
I see, I'm so sorry.

1259
01:07:42.080 --> 01:07:43.960
So chances are, if you didn't get the first email,

1260
01:07:43.960 --> 01:07:46.060
you didn't, she didn't get the second one.

1261
01:07:47.640 --> 01:07:48.540
I will say this.

1262
01:07:48.540 --> 01:07:52.180
If you go to your profile,

1263
01:07:52.180 --> 01:07:55.360
there's actually a tech orientation video, Monica,

1264
01:07:55.360 --> 01:07:57.560
in phase one and in phase two

1265
01:07:57.560 --> 01:07:59.840
that navigates how to get through the portal.

1266
01:07:59.840 --> 01:08:03.560
But if you guys are in the portal at JackieDorman.com

1267
01:08:03.560 --> 01:08:06.420
and you open up either phase one or phase two,

1268
01:08:06.420 --> 01:08:08.400
if you look up in the right corner,

1269
01:08:08.400 --> 01:08:10.520
there's like a gray shaded picture

1270
01:08:10.520 --> 01:08:11.720
and it looks like a profile.

1271
01:08:11.720 --> 01:08:14.780
If you click on that and you click on settings

1272
01:08:14.780 --> 01:08:17.260
and you page all the way down,

1273
01:08:17.260 --> 01:08:19.620
all four buttons of communication

1274
01:08:19.620 --> 01:08:21.479
should be pushed to the right,

1275
01:08:21.479 --> 01:08:24.359
basically letting us send you emails and stuff.

1276
01:08:25.500 --> 01:08:27.779
So will we be watching all the Zooms on the app?

1277
01:08:27.779 --> 01:08:28.899
Yeah, isn't that exciting?

1278
01:08:28.899 --> 01:08:30.160
All the Zoom links are right there.

1279
01:08:30.160 --> 01:08:35.160
So let me see if I can show you real quick.

1280
01:08:35.939 --> 01:08:38.300
You can, you'll be able to get to the app

1281
01:08:39.340 --> 01:08:42.220
from your iPhone, from your Android,

1282
01:08:42.220 --> 01:08:44.859
and then there's also a website version of it.

1283
01:08:44.859 --> 01:08:46.020
You could go there now,

1284
01:08:46.020 --> 01:08:48.700
but you're not gonna be able to see any pages.

1285
01:08:48.700 --> 01:08:50.660
So it's like, you can start there now,

1286
01:08:50.660 --> 01:08:52.819
but until I send you the invitation, you can't see anything.

1287
01:08:52.819 --> 01:08:54.660
Okay, so this is what it looks like.

1288
01:08:54.660 --> 01:08:57.560
And you see there's a community tab.

1289
01:08:57.560 --> 01:09:00.460
So the community tab is the conversation.

1290
01:09:00.460 --> 01:09:04.740
The training tab are where all the training videos are.

1291
01:09:04.740 --> 01:09:06.620
Then the replays are all there.

1292
01:09:06.620 --> 01:09:09.180
And then events, you can't see it,

1293
01:09:09.180 --> 01:09:10.220
but the calendar's there.

1294
01:09:10.220 --> 01:09:11.100
But if you click on it,

1295
01:09:11.100 --> 01:09:13.460
it's got the Zoom link right attached to it.

1296
01:09:13.460 --> 01:09:15.180
So you're never gonna have to be like,

1297
01:09:15.180 --> 01:09:16.779
oh my gosh, where are the Zoom links?

1298
01:09:16.779 --> 01:09:19.479
You won't need, you don't need to worry about it.

1299
01:09:19.479 --> 01:09:21.080
It's all gonna be in one place.

1300
01:09:21.080 --> 01:09:23.260
Now I will admit the community section's

1301
01:09:23.260 --> 01:09:25.020
a little clunkier than Facebook.

1302
01:09:25.020 --> 01:09:27.380
Facebook's been around 20 years, right?

1303
01:09:27.380 --> 01:09:31.779
So the community section's not as intricate as this.

1304
01:09:31.779 --> 01:09:34.660
So just space and grace and all that.

1305
01:09:34.660 --> 01:09:37.840
So let's see, Regina's so confused.

1306
01:09:37.840 --> 01:09:40.399
We can join phase two on Facebook.

1307
01:09:40.399 --> 01:09:42.720
I was, no, Regina.

1308
01:09:44.319 --> 01:09:47.399
Regina, are you, oh, thank you for asking me.

1309
01:09:47.399 --> 01:09:48.800
Regina, did you, were you,

1310
01:09:48.800 --> 01:09:52.000
okay, so Regina, you were part of the group

1311
01:09:52.000 --> 01:09:54.960
that did this standalone heart work

1312
01:09:54.960 --> 01:09:56.880
and you guys went right into the app.

1313
01:09:56.880 --> 01:09:59.680
So there are some of you, thank you for saying that.

1314
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.720
some of you on here that are already in the app

1315
01:10:02.720 --> 01:10:04.400
because you started on the app.

1316
01:10:04.400 --> 01:10:06.620
So the people that are in Facebook right now,

1317
01:10:06.620 --> 01:10:08.120
thank you for saying that, Regina.

1318
01:10:08.120 --> 01:10:10.640
If you are here and you came by way of Facebook

1319
01:10:12.360 --> 01:10:14.920
and you started phase one in Facebook

1320
01:10:14.920 --> 01:10:16.520
and you're doing phase two in Facebook,

1321
01:10:16.520 --> 01:10:18.720
you've not been invited into the app yet.

1322
01:10:18.720 --> 01:10:20.360
And then we're gonna merge you into the app.

1323
01:10:20.360 --> 01:10:22.760
So Monica, maybe that is the situation.

1324
01:10:22.760 --> 01:10:25.300
Were you already in the app the whole time?

1325
01:10:27.100 --> 01:10:27.940
No.

1326
01:10:27.940 --> 01:10:29.520
Okay, I've got no answer then.

1327
01:10:30.140 --> 01:10:34.140
So Regina, I believe you started in the app

1328
01:10:34.140 --> 01:10:36.400
for phase one or the heart work.

1329
01:10:36.400 --> 01:10:38.700
If you started in phase one in the heart work,

1330
01:10:38.700 --> 01:10:40.380
you're already in the app

1331
01:10:40.380 --> 01:10:42.060
and you're gonna stay in the app.

1332
01:10:42.060 --> 01:10:44.340
This is just for people who have not,

1333
01:10:44.340 --> 01:10:46.220
this is for people who started in Facebook.

1334
01:10:46.220 --> 01:10:48.980
So some people started in Facebook three months ago

1335
01:10:48.980 --> 01:10:50.400
or six months ago,

1336
01:10:50.400 --> 01:10:52.180
and they're working their way through phase two

1337
01:10:52.180 --> 01:10:53.820
and then we're gonna get them into the app.

1338
01:10:53.820 --> 01:10:57.260
Some of you joined a month ago or two months ago

1339
01:10:57.260 --> 01:10:59.280
and we had already started the app.

1340
01:11:00.040 --> 01:11:02.460
And so you started right from the get-go in the app.

1341
01:11:02.460 --> 01:11:04.820
So if you were in the app to begin with,

1342
01:11:04.820 --> 01:11:06.420
you stay in the app.

1343
01:11:06.420 --> 01:11:07.820
If you started in Facebook,

1344
01:11:07.820 --> 01:11:10.620
you're gonna stay in Facebook until we invite you over.

1345
01:11:10.620 --> 01:11:14.720
And I hope I made that not clear as mud.

1346
01:11:14.720 --> 01:11:16.940
Did anybody else confused?

1347
01:11:16.940 --> 01:11:18.200
I'm so sorry.

1348
01:11:19.460 --> 01:11:21.500
Hopefully that explained it, Regina.

1349
01:11:21.500 --> 01:11:23.660
I don't hear you commenting, but anyway,

1350
01:11:23.660 --> 01:11:26.540
back to the, Monica, is that helping you?

1351
01:11:26.560 --> 01:11:29.200
So Monica, were you not in the app already?

1352
01:11:30.200 --> 01:11:32.080
I was in the Facebook phase one,

1353
01:11:32.080 --> 01:11:33.980
but I didn't ever post anything.

1354
01:11:33.980 --> 01:11:38.560
So I am in phase one, but I don't see a Facebook phase two.

1355
01:11:38.560 --> 01:11:40.520
So maybe I'll go back to my email.

1356
01:11:40.520 --> 01:11:42.160
Did you, well, no, maybe,

1357
01:11:42.160 --> 01:11:44.680
but did you see the link I put in the chat?

1358
01:11:44.680 --> 01:11:48.440
Yeah, but I'm having difficulty logging on through my iPad.

1359
01:11:48.440 --> 01:11:51.720
So I'm gonna try again.

1360
01:11:51.720 --> 01:11:54.080
But if you can't find it,

1361
01:11:54.080 --> 01:11:57.020
email us admin at JackieDurhaman.com.

1362
01:11:57.020 --> 01:11:58.860
Thank you, really appreciate it.

1363
01:11:58.860 --> 01:11:59.700
You bet.

1364
01:12:00.820 --> 01:12:01.940
Diane, Board.

1365
01:12:03.780 --> 01:12:05.180
Okay, I've gone back and forth

1366
01:12:05.180 --> 01:12:06.860
whether I really wanna ask this question.

1367
01:12:06.860 --> 01:12:09.780
You get to ask me, ask away, girl.

1368
01:12:09.780 --> 01:12:11.980
Okay, so here's my question.

1369
01:12:13.140 --> 01:12:15.040
I'm retired, I'm older.

1370
01:12:17.100 --> 01:12:19.080
I found that after my last birthday,

1371
01:12:19.080 --> 01:12:24.080
I'm kind of more reluctant to share my age.

1372
01:12:25.460 --> 01:12:30.460
I actually had a guy at church that was asking me my age.

1373
01:12:30.660 --> 01:12:35.220
And I thought, I don't even wanna talk to him about that.

1374
01:12:35.220 --> 01:12:37.940
I just felt like I didn't know where he was coming from

1375
01:12:37.940 --> 01:12:42.220
and why, and I guess, and I'm-

1376
01:12:43.460 --> 01:12:46.340
Diane, how old are you, if you mind me asking?

1377
01:12:46.340 --> 01:12:47.780
I'm 70.

1378
01:12:47.800 --> 01:12:50.240
You're 70, and so do you feel like saying

1379
01:12:50.240 --> 01:12:53.320
the age 70 makes you too old?

1380
01:12:53.320 --> 01:12:55.520
Well, I can remember thinking

1381
01:12:55.520 --> 01:12:58.000
that I would never date anybody in their 70s

1382
01:12:58.000 --> 01:13:01.040
because it just seemed like old.

1383
01:13:01.040 --> 01:13:05.720
And I think that there's a perception.

1384
01:13:05.720 --> 01:13:07.840
I mean, at least I have a perception.

1385
01:13:10.400 --> 01:13:13.080
And of course, now my perception

1386
01:13:13.080 --> 01:13:16.840
is that guys in their 80s are old

1387
01:13:16.840 --> 01:13:20.860
and a lot of guys in their late 60s and 70s are old

1388
01:13:20.860 --> 01:13:22.340
because they're not healthy,

1389
01:13:22.340 --> 01:13:24.780
but I'm very healthy and I'm active

1390
01:13:24.780 --> 01:13:27.220
and I don't have any medical problems.

1391
01:13:27.220 --> 01:13:30.140
So I guess I'm just trying to figure it out.

1392
01:13:33.660 --> 01:13:35.520
I'm open to dating younger guys,

1393
01:13:35.520 --> 01:13:39.420
but at the same time, I feel like if they find out my age,

1394
01:13:39.420 --> 01:13:41.100
they will discount me.

1395
01:13:42.140 --> 01:13:44.820
Well, I mean, and I will say, I think it's fair, you guys.

1396
01:13:44.840 --> 01:13:48.680
I think all of us have that age where like,

1397
01:13:48.680 --> 01:13:49.880
that's just too old.

1398
01:13:49.880 --> 01:13:53.040
Like the last couple of guys I've dated,

1399
01:13:53.040 --> 01:13:56.760
like I'm 56 and the last couple of guys I've dated are 60.

1400
01:13:56.760 --> 01:13:58.600
As I get closer to 60,

1401
01:13:58.600 --> 01:14:01.440
I feel like my excuse of not dating men in their 60s

1402
01:14:01.440 --> 01:14:03.160
is starting to get smaller and smaller.

1403
01:14:03.160 --> 01:14:04.760
I'm like, okay, sister,

1404
01:14:04.760 --> 01:14:08.040
you're like closer to 60 than you are 50.

1405
01:14:08.040 --> 01:14:10.320
But, and so it's easy for all.

1406
01:14:10.320 --> 01:14:12.600
I mean, and I like that you're willing to own,

1407
01:14:12.600 --> 01:14:14.780
that you have your own judgment.

1408
01:14:14.780 --> 01:14:16.660
So when a guy asks your age,

1409
01:14:16.660 --> 01:14:19.420
because by the way, you do look fabulous for your age.

1410
01:14:19.420 --> 01:14:21.540
You look fabulous no matter what your age is.

1411
01:14:21.540 --> 01:14:22.780
So whatever.

1412
01:14:22.780 --> 01:14:25.580
So what you can say to a guy, when somebody asks your age,

1413
01:14:25.580 --> 01:14:28.860
what you can say is, well, that's a great question.

1414
01:14:28.860 --> 01:14:32.700
Tell me, do you have an age bandwidth

1415
01:14:32.700 --> 01:14:35.020
that you're willing to date?

1416
01:14:35.020 --> 01:14:38.620
And are you worried I'm outside that dating range?

1417
01:14:38.620 --> 01:14:40.660
Because I totally understand for you,

1418
01:14:40.720 --> 01:14:44.920
if that's a deal breaker, no matter how healthy somebody is.

1419
01:14:44.920 --> 01:14:47.040
And if he says, well, yes, you say, well, then, okay.

1420
01:14:47.040 --> 01:14:51.120
So what's your range that you're willing to consider?

1421
01:14:51.120 --> 01:14:54.800
And if he says, nobody over the age of 70,

1422
01:14:54.800 --> 01:14:55.920
then you can just say, well,

1423
01:14:55.920 --> 01:14:57.600
I guess you just missed out on a great chance

1424
01:14:57.600 --> 01:14:59.040
to get to know me.

1425
01:14:59.040 --> 01:15:00.640
And then you just kind of walk.

1426
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.760
away. And so if you might go like, oh my gosh, well, you know, you look amazing. Like how

1427
01:15:04.760 --> 01:15:09.400
old are you? Well, I'm 70. Like own it. Like, I mean, do you know what I'm saying? But I

1428
01:15:09.400 --> 01:15:15.520
think it's okay to, when somebody says, how old are you? You can say, that's a great question.

1429
01:15:15.520 --> 01:15:22.440
Do you have a bandwidth that, you know, what is your dating range or is the age is important

1430
01:15:22.440 --> 01:15:27.080
to you as the health of the person? Cause I feel the same way you guys, like, I feel

1431
01:15:27.080 --> 01:15:32.280
like I look really young. I don't think people know I'm 56. Like I feel like a pass or 45

1432
01:15:32.280 --> 01:15:37.760
if I wanted to, you know, especially I dressed a certain way, but for me it's not so much

1433
01:15:37.760 --> 01:15:45.160
their age, it's how healthy they are. And that might be where you're at too. You know?

1434
01:15:45.160 --> 01:15:50.600
And so you, that's why you can say, well, is your, is my, is my age more important or

1435
01:15:50.600 --> 01:15:56.320
is it how healthy I am more important? And I'd be, I'd love to hear more. I'm curious.

1436
01:15:56.320 --> 01:16:03.080
Tell me more. So we never want to try to ask a man a question that starts with why,

1437
01:16:03.080 --> 01:16:10.560
why kind of puts people on the defensive? Um, oh, Judith check is in the mail, girlfriend.

1438
01:16:10.560 --> 01:16:15.880
Um, so, um, we never want to ask people why, well, why, why are you asking me my age? It

1439
01:16:15.880 --> 01:16:19.920
just sounds defensive. So you can just be like, Hey, that's a great question. Is the

1440
01:16:19.920 --> 01:16:24.840
age a big deal for you? If so, what's your range you're willing to date? Or is it more

1441
01:16:24.840 --> 01:16:29.960
the first season of life and how healthy somebody is? And if they're like, you know,

1442
01:16:29.960 --> 01:16:33.920
I'm just not going to date somebody over 70, then you just have to like give them grace

1443
01:16:33.920 --> 01:16:40.360
and move on. You might feel the same way. Right? Yep. Yep. I love it. Thank you so much.

1444
01:16:40.360 --> 01:16:46.280
Good answer. I'm glad that you asked because that's a very fair question that we all deal

1445
01:16:46.280 --> 01:16:54.800
with. And so I think it's a great question. Hopi. Hi. Um, I've been going back and forth

1446
01:16:54.800 --> 01:17:00.560
because you have actually responded to most of the questions that I had to ask. However,

1447
01:17:00.560 --> 01:17:08.280
I have been in phase two, well completed phase two, but based on the time span, I'm not sure

1448
01:17:08.280 --> 01:17:12.560
if I've completed the time span, but I've completed everything in phase two. I know

1449
01:17:12.560 --> 01:17:17.440
Jack had sent me the app link, but there was one that said, even though she sent it

1450
01:17:17.440 --> 01:17:21.680
to you and you have not completed the time, then you can't go on it. So I've not been

1451
01:17:21.680 --> 01:17:28.840
on it. I've actually gone on Facebook and I've had like chats, the hi, hello, how you're

1452
01:17:28.840 --> 01:17:35.200
doing that type of thing. And it's like, that's all I'm getting. And, um, I just stopped with

1453
01:17:35.200 --> 01:17:42.120
some persons. They stopped saying hi and hello. And, um, it's like, I'm not sure if they stopped,

1454
01:17:42.120 --> 01:17:46.600
if I should continue to say hi and hello or anything with them or just ignore it and

1455
01:17:46.600 --> 01:17:53.520
move on. But I'm more. So here's, here's how I get past the hi, hello stuff. Um, I usually

1456
01:17:53.520 --> 01:18:00.920
just say like, Hey, you know what? I know texting is very clunky and I'm really looking

1457
01:18:00.920 --> 01:18:06.900
to meet and date somebody in real life. So if you would like to stop texting and move

1458
01:18:06.900 --> 01:18:12.620
to a video chat, I would love to book a 15 minute video chat with you. Like that's literally

1459
01:18:12.620 --> 01:18:16.940
what I say. If I never hear from them, like, Oh no, I don't want to do a video chat. I

1460
01:18:16.940 --> 01:18:22.380
don't like video. Awesome. Um, that's really my only option because I don't want to keep

1461
01:18:22.380 --> 01:18:29.060
texting like, and then I just stop. Then I just stop. And you're like, well, how do you

1462
01:18:29.060 --> 01:18:34.540
get them to stop? Stop responding. Stop. And if they ask a bunch of hi, how are you? Like,

1463
01:18:34.540 --> 01:18:39.620
let me be clear. This is the last time I'm going to say it. I really don't want, I hate

1464
01:18:39.620 --> 01:18:45.220
texting. It's just a way to start the conversation. I'd really, I would rather see you on a video

1465
01:18:45.220 --> 01:18:49.140
and see you in person. Oh, I'd rather see you in person too. All right. You want to

1466
01:18:49.140 --> 01:18:53.300
skip the video date? Awesome. And then I pick a location that's less than five miles away

1467
01:18:53.300 --> 01:18:59.860
from my house. Like I'm going to make them come to me. So that's how you get them past

1468
01:18:59.860 --> 01:19:04.500
that or they're just going to swipe away because there are some people that are bored. You

1469
01:19:04.500 --> 01:19:08.500
guys and have no intention of actually meeting you in person. We don't want to waste our

1470
01:19:08.500 --> 01:19:16.260
time with those people. Because I gave my number and they never called. I'm like, okay.

1471
01:19:16.260 --> 01:19:21.740
And that's it because they asked for it. I'm like, okay, fine. Sometimes guys ask for it

1472
01:19:21.740 --> 01:19:25.860
because they think it's nicer than saying, I don't want to talk to you. I don't know.

1473
01:19:25.860 --> 01:19:30.540
I got no good answer for you, girl. I just don't waste my energy on it. Cause I, it could

1474
01:19:30.540 --> 01:19:41.340
be a thousand reasons. Yeah. And, and if you're all done with phase two videos and

1475
01:19:41.340 --> 01:19:45.780
it's been longer than a month, then you can head over to the app and join phase three

1476
01:19:45.780 --> 01:19:57.260
and have a good time. Okay. Elizabeth. I texted the already, but, um, how in the world do

1477
01:19:57.260 --> 01:20:00.020
you like drop a hanky? Well,

1478
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.240
Like I feel like I'm not very good at that. Okay. Well, give me a better scenario for you. Okay, drop the hanky

1479
01:20:08.120 --> 01:20:12.000
Um, I've been trying to just meet people right now

1480
01:20:13.240 --> 01:20:15.240
in person

1481
01:20:16.520 --> 01:20:22.640
Like like you're at the Starbucks and you see somebody you like or strike up a conversation you're like how does drop that hanky

1482
01:20:24.240 --> 01:20:29.080
Correct or like like there was a oh, I'm sorry, you know keep going

1483
01:20:30.000 --> 01:20:32.000
there was um

1484
01:20:32.280 --> 01:20:35.880
Like one of my co-workers was like, I think that guy was really interested

1485
01:20:35.880 --> 01:20:40.120
I was like, he was asking me so many personal questions. I think she he's like, yes

1486
01:20:40.120 --> 01:20:44.280
He was just very interested and I was like, oh well

1487
01:20:45.680 --> 01:20:50.600
Okay. So here's here's the easiest way to do it. I happen to have

1488
01:20:53.160 --> 01:20:59.120
Let's see if I say this because I'm probably not gonna have one in here I normally have my business card

1489
01:21:00.120 --> 01:21:05.480
Um, if I don't have my business card on me, I always try to make sure I have a scrap of paper

1490
01:21:06.680 --> 01:21:08.680
and I might say

1491
01:21:09.120 --> 01:21:11.120
As I'm about to walk away from somebody

1492
01:21:13.480 --> 01:21:17.940
I'm not saying I've always had the guts to do this. But if I have the guts to do it. Hey

1493
01:21:19.400 --> 01:21:23.960
You seem really cool. I know we don't know anything about each other or that much about each other

1494
01:21:24.400 --> 01:21:30.620
But I'd be totally open to like booking coffee or talking to you on the phone again

1495
01:21:30.800 --> 01:21:36.720
Here's my number if you don't think this is totally crazy. Give me a shout if like nothing comes of it. No big

1496
01:21:37.440 --> 01:21:41.320
If you're married already dating somebody or not interested, that's okay, too

1497
01:21:41.320 --> 01:21:47.040
But I just wanted you to know you seem really intriguing and maybe you just needed the compliment today

1498
01:21:47.440 --> 01:21:49.640
Hand in my car turn and walk away

1499
01:21:49.640 --> 01:21:56.120
Okay, so if you don't have a card you can just pull out a piece of paper and write it down like I know this

1500
01:21:56.120 --> 01:22:02.680
Sounds crazy, but you seem really cool. And I think I wanted I I think I'd love to get to know you a little bit and

1501
01:22:04.600 --> 01:22:06.600
What the heck why not and

1502
01:22:07.240 --> 01:22:12.200
He might just be and I even like saying that like and maybe and maybe if you're not interested

1503
01:22:12.200 --> 01:22:14.800
You just needed to know that you you know, you seemed really cool

1504
01:22:14.800 --> 01:22:20.640
Like could you imagine like if I was dating if I was already dating somebody or not interested and a guy said that to me

1505
01:22:20.640 --> 01:22:25.920
And said like, you know, Renee. It was so cool meeting you. I would love to get to know you more. Um,

1506
01:22:26.480 --> 01:22:30.240
If here's my number if you're interested great for not no big and he walked away

1507
01:22:30.240 --> 01:22:34.800
Like what if I just had a really crummy day like that might have me even if he's like totally not my guy

1508
01:22:34.800 --> 01:22:36.800
That would make me feel like a million bucks

1509
01:22:37.360 --> 01:22:38.800
so like

1510
01:22:38.800 --> 01:22:40.800
Even so you have to be willing to

1511
01:22:40.800 --> 01:22:46.160
For them to not be interested and you have to be willing Jackie always says leave him better than you found them

1512
01:22:46.880 --> 01:22:48.880
So if you have that attitude

1513
01:22:49.120 --> 01:22:52.720
If that all you did was compliment them by even suggesting it

1514
01:22:54.080 --> 01:22:57.920
It maybe boosted their ego. I mean, maybe they maybe they have a girlfriend

1515
01:22:58.480 --> 01:23:03.360
And she made him feel like a ding-dong that day and she told him he looked like an idiot or whatever

1516
01:23:03.600 --> 01:23:06.880
And he kind of walked away going. Gosh, I really want to get to know you more

1517
01:23:06.960 --> 01:23:11.760
He looked like an idiot or whatever and he kind of walked away going gosh, I really am a good catch

1518
01:23:12.240 --> 01:23:16.400
Like I am a good guy, you know, I mean like so we kind of have to be willing

1519
01:23:17.280 --> 01:23:19.440
to accept that awkward moment

1520
01:23:20.240 --> 01:23:21.280
of

1521
01:23:21.280 --> 01:23:23.760
That so that's what I have found. I have found

1522
01:23:24.560 --> 01:23:26.560
The more direct you are

1523
01:23:26.720 --> 01:23:30.080
The more blunt you are and the more you let them off the hook

1524
01:23:31.280 --> 01:23:32.960
The better it is

1525
01:23:32.960 --> 01:23:37.360
It's like hey, this may be crazy and if you're not interested that is totally okay

1526
01:23:37.920 --> 01:23:40.880
But at least I know I tried and you seem like a great guy

1527
01:23:41.920 --> 01:23:43.920
Thanks, and then you just

1528
01:23:44.720 --> 01:23:48.000
Now if he's really interested he might go whoa, whoa, wait a second

1529
01:23:48.960 --> 01:23:50.960
Like yeah, I really do want to call you

1530
01:23:52.000 --> 01:23:53.760
you know

1531
01:23:53.760 --> 01:23:55.120
so

1532
01:23:55.120 --> 01:23:57.120
I don't know. Does that help a little bit?

1533
01:23:57.360 --> 01:24:00.560
Yeah, it does. Just be brave girl. Just be brave

1534
01:24:01.040 --> 01:24:06.320
Just be right just be brave and then be willing to just bless them and if that's all it is that's all it is

1535
01:24:07.040 --> 01:24:08.720
All right, you guys

1536
01:24:08.720 --> 01:24:09.280
um

1537
01:24:09.280 --> 01:24:13.200
I took a long time tonight on the teaching and I took a long time on

1538
01:24:13.840 --> 01:24:19.760
Explaining the phase two and thank you ladies for reminding me that we have a mixture in our crowd tonight

1539
01:24:20.560 --> 01:24:23.680
Hopefully I've not messed you up too much. Keep enjoying the videos

1540
01:24:24.240 --> 01:24:29.360
If you are in the app use the community section to chit chat and I will chit chat with you

1541
01:24:29.360 --> 01:24:32.800
I will chit chat with you if you're on facebook use that

1542
01:24:33.440 --> 01:24:34.080
um

1543
01:24:34.080 --> 01:24:38.880
I promise you then the next week you will be getting an email and i'll be moving all of us over to the app

1544
01:24:38.960 --> 01:24:41.440
But I will give everybody a few weeks to do that

1545
01:24:42.320 --> 01:24:44.320
um

1546
01:24:45.200 --> 01:24:49.860
And I think we're good and i'm just going to sign off before I confuse you anymore

1547
01:24:51.200 --> 01:24:53.840
and myself and my mom wants to go to bed because

1548
01:24:54.400 --> 01:24:59.120
I'm on the east coast and it's 9 37. She's like when are you going to bed?

1549
01:24:59.360 --> 01:25:02.080
You

1550
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:07.600
So, I'm popping off, have a great day y'all, see you soon, see you guys next week.