WEBVTT

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Hello. Welcome, welcome. It is Monday evening, you all. It is time for us to lean into what

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God has for us tonight. I'm so excited to be here, as always, to spend this time with

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you just to share what God is saying about heart healing, about his sons, his daughters

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during this time. Every time I share this, I'm talking to just daughters in here, but

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I like to speak that over sons as well. If you've never met me before, I'm Bethany Cooper.

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I'm one of the HeartWork coaches. If you are joining us new for the first time tonight,

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I would love for you to let us know. You can say in the chat, you're new and joining us

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for the first time, or you can just raise your digital hand or your hand where I can

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see you on camera. I do want to encourage you, if you're joining us for the first time,

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hi, Jenny. Welcome for your first live session tonight. One of the things I always encourage

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you all to do is come on camera. If you are driving or you're at work or there's some

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reason you really can't, we understand. Hi, Natalie. Welcome. Natalie's new. I want to

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encourage you all, as I always say, and for those that were here this afternoon, you already

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heard me, and I said this last week as well, coming out of hiding is huge. It's a huge

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part of your process of healing. A lot of people don't even realize the ways that they

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are not fully showing up in their everyday life. I believe if you haven't already been

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experiencing that shift and transformation in this heart healing, you will. You're going

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to start to get comments from people working. They're going to be like, what's new with

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you? What's different? Something's changed. They're going to start to recognize because

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guess what? As your heart heals, you show up in the world differently to people. That

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can look a lot of different ways. As we shared last week, some different ways we can come

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out of hiding. I want to encourage you all to think about these things, step into these

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things. One of them is, if you have a super old picture of yourself on social media, put

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a new picture up. Just go for it and see what God will do with that. We had somebody,

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I don't know if you all saw in our one group, one of the wins, what she did. She did that.

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She posted. She was terrified. She thought she was going to get negative comments, but

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she got all these good comments. I know that might seem like a small thing, but it really

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can be big in your healing process. For some of you, it's doing a post in the group. I

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know that I have a lot of people that hesitate to post in the group, but when they do it

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and they get supported and loved and even coached through some stuff, it can really

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be impactful and help you accelerate your healing process. Don't just sit on the sidelines.

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How can you participate in this journey? In addition to just watching the videos and being

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here live on Monday nights, maybe for you, maybe you were hurt by females in your community

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that you're in right now. One of the ways God probably wants to heal you, as we know,

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healed, hurt in community, healed in community. If you were hurt by females in the past,

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God is going to most likely use this time for you to open up and let your sisters in this community

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love on you and bring some healing to those areas. If that is you, I want to encourage you

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to come out of hiding, post, engage with the ladies in this group. Trust that God brought

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you here for this appointed time, this appointed season with this appointed group of sister squad

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friends. Y'all, I want to encourage you. I don't know if you've heard Jackie talk about this or

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not, but we used to, she used to call our groups. I can't take credit for it because she did it.

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Our sister squads. And she's like, look around the people on the screen, the people in the group with

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you. Guess what? Some of these people are going to be bridesmaids in your weddings. I know it

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might seem crazy to some of you all, but that absolutely has happened in our community

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in so many ways, whether it was people that went to the wedding, bridesmaids, whatever,

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it can really happen. And I believe it's happened and it can happen for you.

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All right. So welcome to, again, all of our new ladies. I know Natalie and Jenny, I saw the two

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of them were new. If anyone else is joining us new, I see some more people have joined us.

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Please let us know in the chat that you're new so we can welcome you by name.

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And then also a couple of quick housekeeping for you all. I'm going to try to go through

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these really quick. We have the ability in our groups to go, to do a post, written, share an

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image, all that kind of stuff. You can also share a video. If you all do, hi, Danielle, Danielle,

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did I say that right? Danielle, Danielle.

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Yeah, how do you say it? Oh my gosh, I can't do it.

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Danelia Danelia, Danelia. Did I say it right? I'll get it. I'll

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get it. I might have to ask you to phonetically put it in the

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chat for me because then yeah. Oh, so if you'll do a video,

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one thing that I will ask is no longer than three minutes, you

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all Okay, here's why. We just our team, we don't have the

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capacity to watch really long videos. So I don't ever want to

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delete someone's video, especially when you all are

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coming in and you're pouring your hearts out to us. Okay. But

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if they are longer than three minutes, we just are going to

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have to start, you know, kind of making a hard stop on. Yes, that

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will help me. Okay, sorry, I gotta write her phonetic thing

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down real quick, just so I don't forget later. This will help me.

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This is really important for me to get people's names right. If

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you all don't know that about me yet, you will learn that.

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Okay. So keep your video short. We haven't had a lot of videos.

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And we really prefer for y'all to to write your your post out

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because we can read through them quicker and respond a little bit

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easier as coaches. But if you do a video, if that's what you feel

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led to do, just keep it under three minutes. Okay. The two

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other notes I have for you are this. I want to encourage you

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all to say no to these two things. Say no to doubt and

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comparison. Doubt is going to be one of the biggest things that

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will deflate your movement forward. Okay, doubt is rooted

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into fear. And if you remember the last few weeks, we've been

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really talking about how we live in fear, fear is the opposite of

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love. So if we're living into fear, fear feeds the doubt. So

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it's not healthy for your heart healing process. Or you're

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aligning with the promises of God for your life. So we want to

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encourage you to say no to doubt, don't let it in, like

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literally kick it out. And comparison. That's the other

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one. Here's a comparison shows up in all different kinds of

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ways. Even in ladies groups, especially people compare

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themselves to images, appearances. But here's the

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other one I hear all the time. I'm not getting breakthrough

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like they are. Okay, so I want to encourage you to really

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embrace your journey. This is your journey. It's not somebody

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else's journey. Let's see here. I'll use some people's names

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Frenchie's journey is going to look different than summer's

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journey. Jenny's is going to look different than Jessica's.

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Everybody's journey is going to look different. Some people get

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massive breakthrough in week five. Some people get it right

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in week one. So when you're reading that someone's getting

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big breakthrough in week one, and you're in week two, and

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you're like, I'm not having that happen at all. It's good to pay

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attention to that. But don't let that hinder you or get in your

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head a lot. The one thing I will say is for those of you that you

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know, you start the program, and by week three, you're still just

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not really feeling anything. Like your emotions aren't really

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surfacing. Still, you might be someone that has really shoved

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your emotions down for so long, that you've numbed out as a

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coping mechanism. And it might take you a little longer for

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those feelings and emotions to know like they can come out

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that it's safe here. So if you get to week three, and you're

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still feeling like that, we do encourage you to go back to week

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one, I don't want anyone to panic, but it is for your own

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good. If that's you go back to week one and just start over.

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And just kind of go through the material again, because you you

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are just someone that might need that extra time. Okay, super

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important to follow the Holy Spirit in your healing process.

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All right, the last one I have been sharing, sharing about this

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quite a bit, but it's super important. I want to encourage

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you all to share your wins. I was reading a devotion this

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morning, and it was it was speaking right into the so many

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times, we focus so much on what the devil is doing, that we are

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missing what God is doing. Okay. And the reality is, is yes, we

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know there is a devil. And we know that he wars against us, at

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times, we will experience spiritual warfare, and those

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things are all real. But what we focus on increases, okay. So I

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want to encourage you all in this process, even on your hard

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days, okay, I'm going to put this out there you are, you some

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of you are going to have hard days in the heart healing

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process, because you're going to be processing things you haven't

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processed your entire lives, some of you, but focus on what

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is going well, like, where have you grown? And you know, since

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you started your journey, even if you're only two days in, and

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you're feeling that, where have you already grown a y'all can

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celebrate that you're investing in yourself, you're investing in

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your heart healing, when

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Lots and lots of other people never do.

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So celebrate yourself from day one.

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This is a huge win and God is on the move in your life.

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Okay, let me pray for us and we're going to get into the content tonight.

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Father God, we just thank you so much for your amazing grace.

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We thank you that you come in and just wash over our hearts, our minds, our bodies, our

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spirits and souls.

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You help us to hear what your spirit is saying.

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I pray that you would just remove just what I'm hearing in the spirit is all the sludge

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and remnants of the day that just didn't feel like your love, Lord.

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I pray that whatever we came in the room with, Lord, I thank you that you would just lift

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that all off of us right now that you would help us to just lean in and receive the healing

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oil that you have just washing over us.

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Holy Spirit, we thank you for your presence.

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We thank you that you're our comforter, you're our counselor, you're our guide.

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You take us by the hand.

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We never walk through anything alone.

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So we don't walk through even one moment of our heart healing alone.

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Jesus, I thank you that you died on the cross.

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You shed your blood for the forgiveness of our sins, for our healing, for our freedom,

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for our redemption, and to make a way for us to be in relationship with you as you are

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in relationship with the father.

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Thank you that you, God loved us enough to send your son so that we could be with you.

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Let us thank you, Lord, tonight, that you'll take us a little bit higher in our perspectives,

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help us to experience heaven in a little tangible way.

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We thank you for breakthroughs and revelation, those things that are in darkness being brought

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to the light, revelation coming, healing being manifest in Jesus name, amen.

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All right, y'all, we're going to talk about lies, or excuse me, flies, lies, and counterfeit

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lives tonight.

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Okay?

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It's so tricky to say.

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It is, but here's the thing.

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This is why we're going to talk about it.

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Trauma just doesn't hurt us.

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It creates different versions of us.

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And so many times I've even had a lot of people asking, well, I thought I was hearing from

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God and it led me right into this unhealthy relationship.

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Y'all, I've been there too.

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I did.

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I chose an unhealthy relationship and in the beginning, I really thought it was the Lord

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leading me there.

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I was looking for signs.

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I felt like I was getting signs and all of the things, but here is the reality is that

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my broken heart, my broken heart, not my whole heart, my broken heart led me right into a

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trap.

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Okay.

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I went through my divorce before my stepson, as soon as I, I hadn't even filed yet.

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I just said I was going to file and my former husband literally never let me see my stepson

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ever again.

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This was not just, Oh, you know, he kind of visited every now and then literally his mom

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left him for years.

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And I was his main caregiver in addition to my ex-husband and Dylan lived with us.

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I mean, he was with us all the time and I, you know, for 10 years, I was in his life

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the whole time.

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I watched him for the first time by myself when he was six months old.

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I mean, I I'd literally been there.

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And so that was a pretty big wound, you know?

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And then when I met the guy that is my spiritual daughter's dad, he had two girls.

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I always said I was never going to date anybody with kids ever again.

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I did.

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I made that vow, but then here comes this guy and he's, you know, I think he's from

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the Lord and he's got these two kids and I'm like, okay, you know, this is, this is

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great and all, but I don't want to meet your, your kids for six months.

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And I don't like want to talk a lot about them.

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And I thought that was great.

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Like I was setting a good boundary, right?

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I was, I was setting a good boundary, but here's this, here's the tricky part.

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Three days later, you all approximately three days later, do you want to know what he started

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sending me?

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Pictures of his kids.

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Why did I blow past that boundary?

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He started sending me pictures of his kids.

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And then here's the kicker.

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He sends me this adorable video of the two daughters saying, we can't wait to meet you.

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And they're waving in this little video.

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Here's my broken heart, missing my stepson, not healed from that trauma saying, I can't

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meet your kids for six months, getting this video on my phone and my heart just melted.

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And all of my boundaries went right out the door.

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Okay.

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And so, um, I'm sharing this story tonight because my broken.

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heart was telling me that he was from the Lord. But right out of

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the gate, he was showing me that he did not honor me because he

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wasn't honoring my boundaries. And I kept going. Okay, so why

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am I saying all of this to you? Because some of you all in

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different ways, it might not be exactly the same as my story,

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but your broken hearts are also leading you into choices that

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are not healthy for you. And that's why you're here. You're

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here on this incredible journey to heal and to learn how to

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honor your boundaries to honor yourself, learn how to love

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yourself really well. And to understand that your broken

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heart is never going to lead you into your true identity. Okay,

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what's our true identity? Our true identity is what God gave

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us the day he formed us. The day he created us. He said, this is

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who Erica is going to be. This is what I'm forming in her. And

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these are the gifts that I'm putting into Kim. And, and this

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is how she's gonna be in my kingdom and bring my kingdom

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here. And God had all these dreams and plans. And that was

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before trauma ever entered. Okay. So when he breathes all

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that into us, and he created us, that was the original intention

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for our lives. Do we know what those all are? No, I don't

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think even on this side of heaven, I don't know that we'll

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ever know the fullness of that. But we can definitely, as we

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heal, step further into the fullness of that plan more and

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more every day. So that's why we're here tonight, I want to

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read a little bit from the book, I don't love to read a lot, but

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this is really worth it. And so I'm gonna I'm gonna do it for a

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minute here tonight. And I never give book pages because the

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content and the ebook and the physical physical book are the

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same. I get that question a lot. But the pages are not the

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same. So it's in chapter six, okay, just so y'all know,

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that's where I'm at. And you don't have to flip your books

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open. If you don't want to, you can just listen and just let

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kind of absorb it. The Lord of the flies and the father of

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lies, whichever name you choose for this opposing force, there's

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one name that isn't commonly used or known. And that is the

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diesel bug. I know it's pretty weird. And when it was first

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brought to my attention by Holy Spirit, my reaction was ooh, it

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just sounded gross. The meaning of the name is Lord of the

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flies gag a maggot. This is totally Jackie. I like most

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people hate flies. For me, they conjure up thoughts of stinky

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garbage, cow poop and disease, nothing good. I know flies serve

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a purpose in the decomposition process of organic materials,

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but I still detest them. However, knowing this nickname

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of the enemy helps us to understand how our heart wounds

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get infected with these lies. What flies do is they find an

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unhealed wound. So I want you to kind of pause before I keep

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reading. I want you to think about the unhealed wounds that

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you have currently in your life. And I want you to understand

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that the enemy will always target those areas until they

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are healed. We don't have to be afraid of that. But we need to

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be aware of it. Okay, I'm going to keep going a sore or

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someplace of decomposition and they lay their eggs inside of

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that place. They do this so that when the eggs hatch, the larvae

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will have an unlimited food source. Pretty gross, right? But

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that's how the enemy works. This is where he gets that unlimited

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food source, so to speak. These unhealed heart wounds, traumas

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and rejections become an ideal place for the enemy to sow his

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seeds, which are lies, because our hearts are fertile wombs.

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Remember, because Jackie talked to us already about our hearts,

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our hearts a womb. So whatever we put in there gets reproduced.

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So that's what she goes on to say there. You all can read more

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into that if you've just started and you're just in week one,

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don't worry about skipping ahead. You'll get there. I get

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that question a lot. It doesn't matter what week you all are in

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come to heart check in. Okay, we we take content from all

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00:19:13.660 --> 00:19:16.820
different weeks and we coach through it. So you are right on

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time. Your broken heart is what it's a liar. It's a puzzle and

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it's a pretender. Those are the three main things. I'm not going

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to teach a lot in these tonight because we'll do this more in

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another session, but I just want to touch on them briefly because

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it will tie into where we're going. Our broken heart is a

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liar, which means it's full of lies. It tells us lies all the

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time. It's a puzzle. So it tends to be messed up at times. It

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tells us we want things that we don't want. There's a lot of

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different ways, but those are a couple. It's also a pretender.

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So this is where you know, mask appear where we're putting and

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projecting that we're somebody that we're not. Maybe we're even

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pretending that we're okay.

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Hey, when we're not, maybe we're saying,

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I don't need any help from anybody.

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I've got this.

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When we actually really desire deep inside

295
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that someone would actually notice that we need help.

296
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Maybe it's that we want a bunch of expensive things

297
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or we wanna have the nice car.

298
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We wanna have another degree and title

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because we feel like that makes us someone important.

300
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The reason I'm mentioning these things tonight

301
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is the broken heart that's a liar.

302
00:20:29.880 --> 00:20:31.540
I want us to focus there.

303
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One of the ways our broken heart lies to us

304
00:20:35.640 --> 00:20:38.240
can sound like this.

305
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Our broken heart can cause us to blame other people

306
00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:43.860
or other things as the problem.

307
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But sometimes that's not really the problem

308
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and they aren't really the problem.

309
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Sometimes we need to own our side of the street.

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Okay, so am I saying if someone abused you

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that that is your fault?

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Absolutely not.

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Okay, so don't hear something that I'm not saying,

314
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but what I am going to say,

315
00:21:09.100 --> 00:21:10.580
I'm gonna give you a couple of examples

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00:21:10.580 --> 00:21:13.900
of ways that we blame other people or other things.

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And there might be way more than this.

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You all, again, I always want you to kind of be open

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to what is Holy Spirit saying to you

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out of the examples that I'm kind of putting out there.

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This doesn't always have to,

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if you're like, yeah, that never happened to me

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or that doesn't apply to me,

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ask Holy Spirit, how does it apply to you?

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Because you're, you know,

326
00:21:33.400 --> 00:21:36.460
like as soon as you are open to hearing,

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he'll show you something.

328
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Even if it's a small thing that you don't even realize,

329
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sometimes you all, we think we're stuck all the time

330
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because these big massive things and sometimes they are,

331
00:21:47.220 --> 00:21:48.780
but sometimes we're stuck

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because there's this little snag deep in our heart

333
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and we just don't know it's still there, okay?

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Here are some examples.

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We blame another person for hurting us.

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00:22:00.380 --> 00:22:04.220
So case in point, the story that I opened with tonight,

337
00:22:04.220 --> 00:22:07.340
the guy that I dated, right?

338
00:22:07.340 --> 00:22:09.180
He didn't just blow past my boundaries.

339
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For those of you that are new,

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00:22:10.220 --> 00:22:11.500
I've told this story a little bit,

341
00:22:11.500 --> 00:22:13.260
so I won't go too far into it tonight

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00:22:13.260 --> 00:22:15.420
because my ladies that have been here for a few weeks

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have heard it before.

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But in that relationship,

345
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I went through a lot of betrayal in that relationship,

346
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caught him cheating multiple times with multiple people,

347
00:22:25.260 --> 00:22:29.060
lots of pornography addiction in that relationship

348
00:22:29.060 --> 00:22:31.060
and all kinds of stuff.

349
00:22:31.060 --> 00:22:36.060
And for a while, I blamed him and I blamed God

350
00:22:36.220 --> 00:22:39.140
because I felt like God led me into that relationship.

351
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But really my counterfeit identity

352
00:22:41.020 --> 00:22:44.020
and my lack of boundaries and ignoring red flags

353
00:22:44.020 --> 00:22:47.260
led me into that relationship, okay?

354
00:22:47.260 --> 00:22:48.700
I was convincing myself.

355
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Here's another thing.

356
00:22:49.740 --> 00:22:51.340
Thank you, Laura, for reminding me.

357
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One of the other things that tripped me up

358
00:22:52.980 --> 00:22:56.740
in that situation, you all, was fantasy thinking.

359
00:22:57.820 --> 00:23:00.260
And I'm not talking about erotica right now.

360
00:23:00.260 --> 00:23:05.260
I'm talking about he went to church every Sunday.

361
00:23:05.780 --> 00:23:09.420
He appeared to be a good dad.

362
00:23:09.420 --> 00:23:11.500
He had a house,

363
00:23:11.500 --> 00:23:14.780
which I thought he was in good standing for when I met him.

364
00:23:15.660 --> 00:23:19.460
He looked like he had a great kind of setup.

365
00:23:19.460 --> 00:23:21.100
I wanted to get married.

366
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I wanted to have a family.

367
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I wanted kids.

368
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And here was this guy

369
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that just looked like this great package,

370
00:23:29.780 --> 00:23:34.700
but he wasn't really who he said he was, okay?

371
00:23:34.700 --> 00:23:38.660
So I got caught all up in the fantasy

372
00:23:38.660 --> 00:23:40.500
of what we could become

373
00:23:42.420 --> 00:23:46.500
and I didn't keep my feet on the ground, okay?

374
00:23:46.500 --> 00:23:48.060
And that's one of the other reasons

375
00:23:48.060 --> 00:23:50.300
that I blew past red flags

376
00:23:50.340 --> 00:23:52.180
is I got loved a lot.

377
00:23:52.180 --> 00:23:54.060
And again, I'm not blaming just him

378
00:23:54.060 --> 00:23:57.900
because I really wished I had paid more attention

379
00:23:57.900 --> 00:24:01.260
to my own self and really listened to the Lord

380
00:24:01.260 --> 00:24:03.220
because multiple times the Lord was telling me,

381
00:24:03.220 --> 00:24:04.580
he's not for you.

382
00:24:05.860 --> 00:24:08.340
But I was so convinced by what I saw

383
00:24:08.340 --> 00:24:11.180
in the first week and a half that I kept clinging,

384
00:24:11.180 --> 00:24:12.980
like that's gonna come back.

385
00:24:12.980 --> 00:24:15.260
That person is gonna come back.

386
00:24:15.260 --> 00:24:16.220
And he never did.

387
00:24:16.220 --> 00:24:19.420
You all, six years later, that person, that fake person,

388
00:24:19.420 --> 00:24:24.060
the person I thought he was never came back, okay?

389
00:24:24.060 --> 00:24:26.420
But so why am I saying that to you?

390
00:24:26.420 --> 00:24:29.380
Because I had to own my side of the street.

391
00:24:29.380 --> 00:24:32.780
I had to see the ways that I actually didn't listen to God

392
00:24:32.780 --> 00:24:35.060
when he was trying to help me.

393
00:24:35.060 --> 00:24:38.100
God, for that whole time, praise the Lord, you all.

394
00:24:38.100 --> 00:24:39.540
I wanted to marry that guy.

395
00:24:39.540 --> 00:24:40.900
I'm so thankful.

396
00:24:40.900 --> 00:24:42.540
Even this weekend,

397
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I won't go into this too much longer,

398
00:24:44.500 --> 00:24:48.820
but my spiritual daughters got a call late the other night.

399
00:24:48.860 --> 00:24:50.860
He was so drunk.

400
00:24:50.860 --> 00:24:54.700
He fell down and his phone alerted EMS

401
00:24:54.700 --> 00:24:58.700
and his whole contact, emergency contacts and everything.

402
00:24:58.700 --> 00:25:00.100
I got a late night call.

403
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.640
or my oldest spiritual daughter was crying.

404
00:25:03.640 --> 00:25:07.000
She had never seen anybody so drunk in her whole life.

405
00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:10.660
And she was there and having to take care of him.

406
00:25:10.660 --> 00:25:13.160
And so I say all that to say,

407
00:25:13.160 --> 00:25:17.440
you know, people make really bad choices sometimes,

408
00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:20.960
but we can make better choices in the future.

409
00:25:20.960 --> 00:25:23.960
But I'm saying that to you because I said to my husband,

410
00:25:23.960 --> 00:25:25.240
for those of you that don't know,

411
00:25:25.240 --> 00:25:28.920
I'm married and September 4th will be two years,

412
00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:29.800
but I just said to him,

413
00:25:29.800 --> 00:25:33.440
God, I'm so thankful that I'm with you.

414
00:25:33.440 --> 00:25:34.980
And I did not marry him.

415
00:25:35.960 --> 00:25:37.560
This would have been my life.

416
00:25:38.760 --> 00:25:40.340
You know, so praise the Lord.

417
00:25:40.340 --> 00:25:42.840
Some of you all have also been rescued

418
00:25:42.840 --> 00:25:44.320
out of some situations.

419
00:25:44.320 --> 00:25:46.440
Can I get an amen in the chat for anyone

420
00:25:46.440 --> 00:25:48.880
that you're relating to this in any way

421
00:25:48.880 --> 00:25:51.080
and God has spared you and kept you

422
00:25:51.080 --> 00:25:53.880
and maybe you're seeing it even more tonight

423
00:25:53.880 --> 00:25:55.400
as I'm explaining these things to you.

424
00:25:55.400 --> 00:25:58.000
Okay, here's another example of our broken heart

425
00:25:58.000 --> 00:26:00.520
and the way that we can blame other things.

426
00:26:01.760 --> 00:26:03.140
Weight struggles.

427
00:26:04.080 --> 00:26:06.640
I know this is gonna hit some chords for some people

428
00:26:06.640 --> 00:26:09.760
and I want you to know on the front end,

429
00:26:09.760 --> 00:26:13.600
I know that genetics and hormones can come into play here.

430
00:26:13.600 --> 00:26:17.940
And I know some people try very, very hard to lose weight

431
00:26:17.940 --> 00:26:19.960
and really struggle too, okay?

432
00:26:19.960 --> 00:26:23.320
So I want you to know that there's no shame

433
00:26:23.320 --> 00:26:25.160
if you struggle to lose weight.

434
00:26:25.160 --> 00:26:26.920
And I don't want you to shut down

435
00:26:26.920 --> 00:26:29.480
when I start talking about this, okay?

436
00:26:30.440 --> 00:26:31.480
Here's the reality.

437
00:26:31.480 --> 00:26:36.240
Sometimes we say we can't lose weight,

438
00:26:37.080 --> 00:26:41.920
but yet we keep eating things when we shouldn't.

439
00:26:41.920 --> 00:26:42.860
I've done that.

440
00:26:44.280 --> 00:26:46.480
Or I don't get out and move my body

441
00:26:46.480 --> 00:26:48.440
when I should be doing that.

442
00:26:48.440 --> 00:26:53.000
And so I need to participate in taking care of my body

443
00:26:53.000 --> 00:26:56.280
and also practicing self-control.

444
00:26:56.280 --> 00:26:58.760
Also, some of the areas that I wanna bring up here

445
00:26:58.760 --> 00:27:00.080
is underlying pain.

446
00:27:00.080 --> 00:27:03.600
When we carry a lot of pain and brokenness and bitterness,

447
00:27:03.600 --> 00:27:07.720
it can actually cause us to gain weight and hold it on.

448
00:27:07.720 --> 00:27:10.640
So some of you all are even gonna start to feel a shift

449
00:27:10.640 --> 00:27:14.040
in your bodies as you go through your heart healing.

450
00:27:14.040 --> 00:27:17.520
Some of y'all are gonna release some weight

451
00:27:17.520 --> 00:27:20.080
that has been there because you've stored,

452
00:27:20.080 --> 00:27:21.500
like you didn't personally,

453
00:27:21.540 --> 00:27:26.460
but your body stored toxins in your cells because of trauma.

454
00:27:26.460 --> 00:27:28.420
And as you process that trauma,

455
00:27:28.420 --> 00:27:31.780
your body's gonna start to let that stuff go, okay?

456
00:27:31.780 --> 00:27:33.500
I'm not saying you don't still have to partner

457
00:27:33.500 --> 00:27:35.160
with taking care of your body,

458
00:27:35.160 --> 00:27:37.660
but that will be something some of y'all experience.

459
00:27:37.660 --> 00:27:40.860
But there are times that we will blame

460
00:27:40.860 --> 00:27:42.260
our weight on other things.

461
00:27:42.260 --> 00:27:44.620
I will use an example in my own family.

462
00:27:44.620 --> 00:27:47.660
My mom and my sister, my mom's side of the family

463
00:27:47.700 --> 00:27:50.580
was most of them, all of the women

464
00:27:50.580 --> 00:27:52.960
and some of the men were overweight,

465
00:27:52.960 --> 00:27:55.980
but some of that was because they learned unhealthy patterns.

466
00:27:55.980 --> 00:27:59.140
So for example, and I'm not saying this to shame my mom

467
00:27:59.140 --> 00:28:02.500
because I also have really had to guard against this.

468
00:28:02.500 --> 00:28:05.860
And at times I struggle when I'm really stressed,

469
00:28:05.860 --> 00:28:07.700
I stress eat.

470
00:28:07.700 --> 00:28:09.460
So I have to really watch that.

471
00:28:09.460 --> 00:28:13.420
But my mom would hide food and then my sister hid food.

472
00:28:13.420 --> 00:28:17.380
And so it's just something I noticed in my family line

473
00:28:18.100 --> 00:28:19.140
that there was that area,

474
00:28:19.140 --> 00:28:22.020
but then my mom would always kind of be depressed

475
00:28:22.020 --> 00:28:23.860
that she couldn't lose weight.

476
00:28:23.860 --> 00:28:27.780
But the heart of the problem was that her heart was broken

477
00:28:27.780 --> 00:28:31.060
and she didn't work through healing that was needed.

478
00:28:31.060 --> 00:28:35.980
And so she hid from her own problems

479
00:28:35.980 --> 00:28:38.260
and it ended up causing other things

480
00:28:38.260 --> 00:28:40.340
and issues down the road, okay?

481
00:28:40.340 --> 00:28:42.100
My mom, for those of you that don't know,

482
00:28:42.100 --> 00:28:47.060
passed away back in 2022, back in May of 2022.

483
00:28:47.740 --> 00:28:49.020
I do believe with all my heart

484
00:28:49.020 --> 00:28:51.780
that my mom could have lived a lot longer.

485
00:28:51.780 --> 00:28:52.620
I really do.

486
00:28:53.500 --> 00:28:54.580
But only God knows.

487
00:28:54.580 --> 00:28:56.740
But taking care of ourselves is super important,

488
00:28:56.740 --> 00:28:59.980
but also allowing our wounds to heal

489
00:28:59.980 --> 00:29:01.020
and getting the help we need.

490
00:29:01.020 --> 00:29:03.320
So praise God, again, you all are here.

491
00:29:03.320 --> 00:29:04.780
The last thing I wanna show you

492
00:29:04.780 --> 00:29:08.040
is that the devil is not to blame for everything.

493
00:29:10.940 --> 00:29:13.020
Some of you, I really wanna encourage you right now,

494
00:29:13.020 --> 00:29:14.380
just start asking yourself,

495
00:29:14.380 --> 00:29:17.220
is there somewhere where I am blaming the devil

496
00:29:17.220 --> 00:29:22.220
for something where I actually chose the wrong path?

497
00:29:25.740 --> 00:29:29.060
Where I made a choice that wasn't healthy for me,

498
00:29:29.060 --> 00:29:31.420
but I just blamed the devil

499
00:29:31.420 --> 00:29:34.900
because I have been in a struggle.

500
00:29:34.900 --> 00:29:36.580
Some of you, like I'm saying,

501
00:29:36.580 --> 00:29:40.140
this struggle in my family, weight-wise, health-wise,

502
00:29:40.140 --> 00:29:43.260
financial things, what is it for us?

503
00:29:44.460 --> 00:29:46.020
I used to blame the devil

504
00:29:46.020 --> 00:29:49.020
because I struggled with self-control physically

505
00:29:50.200 --> 00:29:55.140
because being sexually abused as a young kid,

506
00:29:55.140 --> 00:29:58.820
I didn't learn how to have healthy boundaries.

507
00:29:58.820 --> 00:30:00.020
And so I felt-

508
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.960
Like that kind of, and I'm not saying I used it or, you know, anything like that on purpose,

509
00:30:04.960 --> 00:30:12.880
but subconsciously I kind of blamed the devil because I was struggling to control myself.

510
00:30:13.600 --> 00:30:18.240
Okay. Do you see how that, do you see what I'm getting at? I try to use myself more than,

511
00:30:18.240 --> 00:30:22.640
you know, trying to use things that are in your all's lives, because I feel like that will help

512
00:30:22.640 --> 00:30:27.920
you feel less defensive and you'll let your walls come down and let the Holy Spirit speak to you

513
00:30:28.560 --> 00:30:32.720
in your own life. All right. So we're going to do our first breakout. For those of you that are

514
00:30:32.720 --> 00:30:37.680
joining us for the first time, this is what we do. We go, I put you guys into groups of two or three

515
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:43.680
and I give you a question and you talk about that question together. Yes. Some of you all

516
00:30:43.680 --> 00:30:47.520
are literally going to talk to somebody for the first time that you've never met before.

517
00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:55.360
I want to encourage you to not hide and not be afraid and not hold back. And if you feel fear,

518
00:30:55.360 --> 00:31:01.360
remember, lean into love. God, the God of love is here tonight and he wants to help you

519
00:31:02.000 --> 00:31:08.480
connect in community. And here's, here's the thing. As you embrace this, as you lean into this,

520
00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:12.560
it can help you get breakthrough. And some of you might not know the answer to the question when you

521
00:31:12.560 --> 00:31:17.920
first go into the room, but as you talk with the people that God is going to ordain to be in the

522
00:31:17.920 --> 00:31:22.880
room with you, I believe he's going to give you the revelation that you need. Okay. And if you

523
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:28.240
go in with that expectation, it'll be even better. All right. Um, and Jesse, I see that you can't go

524
00:31:28.240 --> 00:31:33.600
into breakout tonight. That's totally fine. If you guys can't, we understand, but just if you can,

525
00:31:33.600 --> 00:31:39.280
please still go there. And here's the thing. If you feel scared, tell the people in your room.

526
00:31:40.320 --> 00:31:43.840
Okay. And you guys don't have to help each other or counsel each other, but it's okay to just be

527
00:31:43.840 --> 00:31:49.440
honest with where you're at. You can say when you're nervous and all that kind of stuff. All

528
00:31:49.440 --> 00:31:56.560
right. Here we go. I'm going to get these set up. Okay. I think that I'm going to do two to three.

529
00:31:56.560 --> 00:32:03.920
Some of y'all will have three and that way when I move people around, if I need to move people

530
00:32:03.920 --> 00:32:08.880
around, it'll be good. All right. Remember if you first get in there and nobody's in your room,

531
00:32:08.880 --> 00:32:14.480
just stay there and then I'll move you if I need to. Okay. All right. Here you are. Go ahead and

532
00:32:14.480 --> 00:32:19.040
click to join those rooms that should have just popped up on your computer screen or phone screen

533
00:32:19.040 --> 00:32:22.160
for you. Go ahead and click to join. I'll be praying for you all.

534
00:32:34.080 --> 00:32:37.520
Kim, did you get one to join? Did yours pop up there?

535
00:32:43.440 --> 00:32:47.040
Oh, okay. Okay. Oh my gosh. I didn't give the question.

536
00:32:47.520 --> 00:32:51.600
Hold on. I got to broadcast that to everyone. So sorry.

537
00:32:55.680 --> 00:32:58.000
What is my question? What and who?

538
00:33:03.200 --> 00:33:03.600
Later.

539
00:33:03.680 --> 00:33:18.960
Sorry. Okay. So now let me get everybody situated. Anya, did it not pop up for you either?

540
00:33:20.800 --> 00:33:26.720
Oh, did it keep you here? Oh, she's gone. She gave me a thumbs up. Okay. Kim. Kim,

541
00:33:26.720 --> 00:33:29.280
what is the question? Did you see the question I just sent through?

542
00:33:30.240 --> 00:33:33.360
Okay. And then Monique, do you need to stay here, sweetie?

543
00:33:37.360 --> 00:33:42.720
Yeah. I actually wanted to ask you a question. Okay. So I'm in phase two. I haven't finished

544
00:33:42.720 --> 00:33:47.600
all my reading and I tried to click on the link for like in the phase two for this thing and it

545
00:33:47.600 --> 00:33:51.440
kept saying there was another event in place. Am I not supposed to be in these?

546
00:33:52.480 --> 00:33:56.480
Oh, no, no. Okay. So what it is, is wait. So did you finish phase one?

547
00:33:56.800 --> 00:34:01.120
Yeah. So the only thing I have left to do is finish the reading. And so I told them when I

548
00:34:01.120 --> 00:34:06.320
got the email, I said, I still, I want to, I want to finish like the reading and like,

549
00:34:06.320 --> 00:34:08.880
not because obviously it's taking my time. So that was fine.

550
00:34:09.520 --> 00:34:14.800
Yes. So you can just finish the reading. I would encourage you to wait to start a lot

551
00:34:14.800 --> 00:34:18.639
of the phase two content just so you can completely, because there might be a couple

552
00:34:18.639 --> 00:34:23.120
other things when you do that reading that will be helpful. And I know you've been doing a great

553
00:34:23.120 --> 00:34:30.320
job with staying with, with the system. So the phase two check-ins are Tuesday nights.

554
00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:39.199
Oh, okay. So heart check-ins yeah. Our phase one groups meet on Monday nights and then phase two

555
00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:45.840
is Tuesday nights. So you're in the right place. And just so you know we let everybody know,

556
00:34:45.840 --> 00:34:50.719
like you all can come back even if you don't want to right away, like, you know, come back,

557
00:34:50.719 --> 00:34:55.760
if you're feeling, you know, stuff kind of getting kicked up, you can come back and just

558
00:34:55.760 --> 00:34:59.760
kind of, you know, hear heart work again. So just know that too. Yeah. Yeah.

559
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.680
Okay, I just wanted to make sure I understood it. So yeah, I want to stay in this until at least I

560
00:35:03.680 --> 00:35:07.200
finished all the reading. I've done all the videos. I've done all the, like how she'll have like the

561
00:35:07.200 --> 00:35:11.840
prompts print out. I just, I'm really slow. Like with the readings, I want to make sure I get it

562
00:35:11.840 --> 00:35:15.040
and I have everything. So, okay. I just want to make sure I understood it. So thank you.

563
00:35:15.040 --> 00:35:21.280
Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome. Father, thank you so much for even Monique and just her

564
00:35:21.280 --> 00:35:26.800
amazing dedication to this program. And I thank you God for working in her life and the healing

565
00:35:26.800 --> 00:35:31.840
work that you're doing. God, I thank you that you'll just continue to just wash over her with

566
00:35:31.840 --> 00:35:36.800
grace as she reads. And Lord, even as I'm praying for Monique, that this is for all the ladies,

567
00:35:37.440 --> 00:35:43.920
that they would experience your energy, your clarity of mind, God, that you would just help

568
00:35:43.920 --> 00:35:49.680
them to hear what your spirit is saying through every word, every journaling entry. And they would

569
00:35:49.680 --> 00:35:54.800
just step further into freedom. We thank you Lord, just even for the ladies that are in doing the

570
00:35:54.800 --> 00:36:00.640
discussion group right now. We thank you that you would just minister truth in life and hope to them.

571
00:36:00.640 --> 00:36:07.440
We ask you just to bring clarity to the areas where they may have been blaming other people,

572
00:36:07.440 --> 00:36:12.400
other things, even God, you maybe blaming themselves and holding themselves hostage.

573
00:36:13.760 --> 00:36:17.920
Lord, and help them to come to the place where they can own their side of the street, where they

574
00:36:17.920 --> 00:36:24.800
can see the areas and the ways that maybe they got hung up in a situation through decisions that

575
00:36:24.800 --> 00:36:30.240
were not the healthiest decision for them. So we just thank you God for bringing grace and truth

576
00:36:30.240 --> 00:36:38.160
and hope in their midst. We thank you for bringing healing rain, just like that old song.

577
00:36:38.160 --> 00:36:43.840
I think it's Michael W. Smith that came back in my spirit just now. We thank you Lord for bringing

578
00:36:43.920 --> 00:36:49.360
your healing rain coming down and washing over every heart, mind, body, spirit, and soul.

579
00:36:49.920 --> 00:36:58.720
We thank you for convergence in every lady. Lord, we're in the past when they were hurt as little

580
00:36:58.720 --> 00:37:03.360
girls and they started rejecting parts of themselves. We thank you that you would bring

581
00:37:04.000 --> 00:37:10.240
them into convergence or that you would bring their adult self and little girl self back into

582
00:37:10.240 --> 00:37:17.520
unity. If there's any self-hatred, self-loathing, any kind of self-pity, we thank you Holy Spirit

583
00:37:17.520 --> 00:37:24.880
and Jesus Christ for binding and breaking those spirits and those thoughts off of their minds,

584
00:37:24.880 --> 00:37:30.160
off of their hearts, off their spirits, and help them to walk into greater truth and revelation

585
00:37:30.160 --> 00:37:35.520
in the days ahead. We thank you that death and life are in the power of the tongue and those

586
00:37:35.520 --> 00:37:40.000
who love it will eat its fruit. So we thank you that we will speak life over our bodies, over our

587
00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:46.400
lives, over our destinies, over our spirit mates, over the promised land that you want to lead us

588
00:37:46.400 --> 00:37:51.200
into. We thank you that your word declares that you want to lead us into the land flowing with

589
00:37:51.200 --> 00:37:58.240
milk and honey. Yes, Lord. I haven't prayed that one in a long time, so that's for everyone tonight.

590
00:37:58.240 --> 00:38:04.560
He wants to take us into the land flowing with milk and honey, but you all know when Moses and

591
00:38:04.560 --> 00:38:08.800
them, I think Moses was still in the story. I have to go back. It's been a long time since I read it,

592
00:38:08.800 --> 00:38:14.240
but basically what I was going to say is, you know, some of them didn't enter the promised land.

593
00:38:14.240 --> 00:38:21.440
Some of them stayed where they were because they were afraid to enter. Why? Because there were giants

594
00:38:21.440 --> 00:38:28.080
in the land and it looked hard. Sometimes there are giants in the land and it is going to look

595
00:38:28.080 --> 00:38:33.360
hard in a sense. Even when we're doing heart work, we're going to face giants along the way. These

596
00:38:33.360 --> 00:38:39.200
areas of heart work that maybe something's been there for a long time, but Lord, we just thank you

597
00:38:39.840 --> 00:38:47.040
that you can demolish giants and strongholds and principalities and powers with one

598
00:38:47.760 --> 00:38:53.520
one snap of your finger in a sense, Lord, that your light demolishes darkness, that there is

599
00:38:53.520 --> 00:38:59.520
no darkness in you, Father. So I pray that if we sense any darkness, if we sense even torment

600
00:38:59.520 --> 00:39:03.760
of the enemy or any of his tax, that we would lean into light, that we would lean into love and

601
00:39:03.760 --> 00:39:10.720
that we would speak your truth and allow your truth to bring revelation and healing and transformation.

602
00:39:10.720 --> 00:39:16.480
Hi, Susan. Welcome. They're about to finish up their breakout, so I'm just praying over everybody for a

603
00:39:16.480 --> 00:39:23.600
little bit. We thank you, Lord, for continuing to bring truth. Help us to stay alert, to watch out

604
00:39:23.600 --> 00:39:28.560
for our great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to

605
00:39:28.560 --> 00:39:34.400
devour. But I thank you that we don't have to have fear or be discouraged because you, Lord God,

606
00:39:34.400 --> 00:39:39.520
have gone before us into all things and you have made a way for us to stand. I thank you that your

607
00:39:39.520 --> 00:39:48.400
truth says that there is such great peace and well-being that comes to the lovers of your word

608
00:39:48.400 --> 00:39:52.880
and they will never be offended. God, we thank you that you would stir up the gifts of God within

609
00:39:52.880 --> 00:39:57.040
each one of us, that you would stir up the hunger and thirst for your righteousness, for your word,

610
00:39:57.040 --> 00:39:59.840
that we would fall in love with you all over again, Lord.

611
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.220
Because no matter what God, we know that you use the spirit mate to draw so many of these

612
00:40:05.220 --> 00:40:06.220
ladies here.

613
00:40:06.220 --> 00:40:07.220
But God, hi there.

614
00:40:07.220 --> 00:40:08.220
Hi, ladies.

615
00:40:08.220 --> 00:40:12.340
Hi, Jennifer, Natasha, they're finishing up their first breakout, they're about to come

616
00:40:12.340 --> 00:40:13.340
back.

617
00:40:13.340 --> 00:40:19.500
Lord, we know that you drew a lot of ladies in regarding spirit mate, but God, we know

618
00:40:19.500 --> 00:40:25.980
that you want to lead all of us primarily back to you help us to get more centered in

619
00:40:25.980 --> 00:40:28.500
your love to get more centered in your truth.

620
00:40:28.500 --> 00:40:36.940
Help us to Lord some of us have a divine revelation of who you are as God who you are as kind

621
00:40:36.940 --> 00:40:43.060
who you are as love as peace, as faithfulness as gentleness.

622
00:40:43.060 --> 00:40:47.200
So many of us didn't experience that in our earthly relationships and I thank you God

623
00:40:47.200 --> 00:40:53.820
for revelation and truth and light that you'll shed in the darkness.

624
00:40:53.820 --> 00:41:00.580
Isaiah 66 nine says this ladies, I will not cause pain without allowing something new

625
00:41:00.580 --> 00:41:03.660
to be born.

626
00:41:03.660 --> 00:41:06.740
I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born.

627
00:41:06.740 --> 00:41:11.060
We thank you Lord God that no matter what we go through that you work all things together

628
00:41:11.060 --> 00:41:18.020
for good to save many people alive in addition to transforming us from the inside out.

629
00:41:18.020 --> 00:41:23.780
We thank you that you don't cause sickness, death, disease, destruction, but Lord God,

630
00:41:23.780 --> 00:41:25.860
you will use it.

631
00:41:25.860 --> 00:41:29.380
If we give it to you, we just thank you for that in advance for it.

632
00:41:29.380 --> 00:41:30.380
And Jesus name.

633
00:41:30.380 --> 00:41:31.380
Hello.

634
00:41:31.380 --> 00:41:32.380
Welcome back.

635
00:41:32.380 --> 00:41:33.380
All right.

636
00:41:33.380 --> 00:41:35.900
Who is willing?

637
00:41:35.900 --> 00:41:36.900
I'm sorry.

638
00:41:36.900 --> 00:41:37.900
You all.

639
00:41:37.900 --> 00:41:40.340
I totally sent you all in there and didn't give you the question.

640
00:41:40.340 --> 00:41:41.340
Someone asked.

641
00:41:41.340 --> 00:41:43.940
I was like, oh my gosh, sorry about that.

642
00:41:43.940 --> 00:41:46.740
You know, we just got to keep it lively.

643
00:41:46.740 --> 00:41:48.980
You guys come up with it for a few minutes until you saw it.

644
00:41:48.980 --> 00:41:49.980
I hope.

645
00:41:49.980 --> 00:41:50.980
All right.

646
00:41:50.980 --> 00:41:53.780
Well, I look at all this, the whole screen full of faces for the most part.

647
00:41:53.780 --> 00:41:55.100
I love this.

648
00:41:55.100 --> 00:41:56.100
Look at you all.

649
00:41:56.100 --> 00:41:57.100
Let's see, Liz.

650
00:41:57.100 --> 00:42:00.820
I don't know if I've seen you live on here before you probably been here, but I might

651
00:42:00.820 --> 00:42:01.820
have seen you.

652
00:42:01.820 --> 00:42:02.820
I see you.

653
00:42:02.820 --> 00:42:03.820
It's nice to see you.

654
00:42:03.820 --> 00:42:04.820
All right.

655
00:42:04.820 --> 00:42:15.460
Who is willing to share with the whole group what you shared in the breakout?

656
00:42:15.460 --> 00:42:16.940
Come on, feel led to jump right in.

657
00:42:16.940 --> 00:42:25.580
Come on, my OG ladies share so that the newbies will feel comfortable.

658
00:42:25.580 --> 00:42:26.580
All right, Jessica.

659
00:42:26.580 --> 00:42:27.580
What was the question?

660
00:42:27.580 --> 00:42:31.900
Well, you're going to come in and share what you shared.

661
00:42:31.900 --> 00:42:34.300
Like you're going to share with the whole group what you shared in the breakout.

662
00:42:34.300 --> 00:42:39.100
And the question breakout was what or who are you blaming instead of owning your side

663
00:42:39.100 --> 00:42:40.100
of the street?

664
00:42:40.100 --> 00:42:41.100
All right.

665
00:42:41.100 --> 00:42:42.980
So Jessica can go first.

666
00:42:42.980 --> 00:42:46.820
Thank you for the good laugh though, because all three of us got in the chat room like,

667
00:42:46.820 --> 00:42:47.820
I don't know.

668
00:42:47.820 --> 00:42:48.820
What's up?

669
00:42:48.820 --> 00:42:49.820
Sorry.

670
00:42:49.820 --> 00:42:50.820
Yep.

671
00:42:50.820 --> 00:42:51.820
Sorry, ladies.

672
00:42:51.820 --> 00:42:52.820
That was so awesome.

673
00:42:52.820 --> 00:42:53.820
Anyway.

674
00:42:53.820 --> 00:42:54.820
Thank you for that.

675
00:42:54.820 --> 00:43:02.140
No, I think just briefly, I came to a point where like I said, I still sometimes blame

676
00:43:02.140 --> 00:43:04.660
my husband, ex-husband for stuff.

677
00:43:04.660 --> 00:43:12.460
But it's more of like now seeing the unhealthiness and the toxicity of what he did.

678
00:43:12.940 --> 00:43:17.620
But I said, what my part was beginning to learn to see that, oh, wait a minute.

679
00:43:17.620 --> 00:43:22.820
The reason I stayed there and allowed it was because I was not healthy.

680
00:43:22.820 --> 00:43:24.780
I did not have boundaries.

681
00:43:24.780 --> 00:43:28.260
I allowed unreasonable behavior.

682
00:43:28.260 --> 00:43:33.340
So every time I said, sometimes I say bad words about him, like I'll call him a name.

683
00:43:33.340 --> 00:43:37.020
But sometimes it's because I'm like, oh my gosh, he did that.

684
00:43:37.020 --> 00:43:42.180
And it's the first time I'm realizing like I let that happen.

685
00:43:42.900 --> 00:43:44.420
And I didn't even know that was a bad thing back then.

686
00:43:44.420 --> 00:43:48.060
So then I'm all of a sudden I'm angry all over again, because it's the first time I've

687
00:43:48.060 --> 00:43:50.660
been angry.

688
00:43:50.660 --> 00:43:55.820
It's just like so revelatory, but it's so good because I can go like, yeah, but you

689
00:43:55.820 --> 00:43:57.820
were not a healthy person.

690
00:43:57.820 --> 00:43:58.820
So yeah.

691
00:43:58.820 --> 00:43:59.820
Yes.

692
00:43:59.820 --> 00:44:00.820
Yeah.

693
00:44:00.820 --> 00:44:01.820
I relate to that so much.

694
00:44:01.820 --> 00:44:06.700
And I think I said this last week or the week before, but I thought I was a confident person

695
00:44:06.700 --> 00:44:07.700
in a lot of ways.

696
00:44:07.700 --> 00:44:08.700
I was.

697
00:44:08.700 --> 00:44:10.540
I really was.

698
00:44:10.540 --> 00:44:11.540
Great leader.

699
00:44:11.900 --> 00:44:17.060
I was serving in a lot of really important roles in a church and, you know, just was

700
00:44:17.060 --> 00:44:18.060
rocking it.

701
00:44:18.060 --> 00:44:24.740
But like I would get in these relationships romantically and that's where my hiding kind

702
00:44:24.740 --> 00:44:25.740
of came into play.

703
00:44:25.740 --> 00:44:31.820
I would shrink down who I was to try to make the relationship work.

704
00:44:31.820 --> 00:44:34.820
I worked it like a job, you all.

705
00:44:34.820 --> 00:44:39.060
And I did that because it really was never working from day one.

706
00:44:39.060 --> 00:44:40.180
Right.

707
00:44:40.180 --> 00:44:45.900
And so that whole time I kept trying to hold something together that was never coming together.

708
00:44:45.900 --> 00:44:47.620
So great share, Jessica.

709
00:44:47.620 --> 00:44:48.620
Thank you so much.

710
00:44:48.620 --> 00:44:49.620
Emily, go ahead.

711
00:44:49.620 --> 00:44:57.100
Um, I felt it took some work to like think about because I'm like towards the end of

712
00:44:57.100 --> 00:44:58.100
this process.

713
00:44:58.100 --> 00:44:59.980
So I've gone through a lot of these things, but one that I had.

714
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.140
quite identified yet was that I was holding some blame in my heart towards

715
00:45:05.140 --> 00:45:09.900
the last ministry that I was working with, like doing a school with, and I had

716
00:45:09.900 --> 00:45:15.460
hopes that like somehow it would continue, some sort of something would

717
00:45:15.460 --> 00:45:21.020
continue past the school I was doing with them, and nothing really happened. I

718
00:45:21.020 --> 00:45:23.340
mean there was like a little bit of talk here and there, but there wasn't like

719
00:45:23.340 --> 00:45:26.140
straight-up invitation, and I knew like other people were getting those

720
00:45:26.140 --> 00:45:29.920
invitations, or had gotten those invitations, so I think deep down like I

721
00:45:29.920 --> 00:45:34.140
had like some blame, like oh if only they had invited me, then I would be you know

722
00:45:34.140 --> 00:45:38.340
in the state I want to live in, and like all these things, like doing something

723
00:45:38.340 --> 00:45:43.380
more fun than what I'm doing right now, but then like the truth is is like I

724
00:45:43.380 --> 00:45:49.200
also didn't super crazy pursue it, like I didn't do the application, I didn't do

725
00:45:49.200 --> 00:45:53.660
the like you know go all the way to the point where I could get a straight-up

726
00:45:53.740 --> 00:45:57.900
rejection, like I didn't reach out to the director, and like all these things, so I

727
00:45:57.900 --> 00:46:03.580
think the Lord, I honestly believe like the Lord kind of was directing my steps

728
00:46:03.580 --> 00:46:08.620
away from them for a time, like maybe I'll come back later, but I think deep

729
00:46:08.620 --> 00:46:15.420
down yeah I just had some not beautiful feelings. Can anyone relate to that? You

730
00:46:15.420 --> 00:46:20.180
really want a promotion at work, or you want to do some kind of role, it could be

731
00:46:20.180 --> 00:46:24.060
ministry, it could be anything, and you put it in the chat, that's probably the

732
00:46:24.060 --> 00:46:27.460
easiest way, just because I don't want to lose my other digital ladies hands, but

733
00:46:27.460 --> 00:46:30.940
like where you really wanted something, and you were believing for it, and you

734
00:46:30.940 --> 00:46:35.860
saw other people getting it, and so then you started blaming the you know the

735
00:46:35.860 --> 00:46:41.140
boss, I've been there, I'm like literally it happened to me, similar to what she

736
00:46:41.140 --> 00:46:45.260
was saying, you know in a couple different ways, where I'm like wait a

737
00:46:45.260 --> 00:46:50.020
minute, like I asked for this promotion for years, and I worked my tail off for it,

738
00:46:50.020 --> 00:46:55.460
and I left this company, and not even a month later, this other woman, like she'd

739
00:46:55.460 --> 00:46:59.700
only been there a year, got promoted, like it's still to this day, if I'm being

740
00:46:59.700 --> 00:47:04.620
honest, still bugs me, you all, but there's a part of me that's still believing a lie

741
00:47:04.620 --> 00:47:10.780
there, because I really believe God used that situation to move me out of there,

742
00:47:10.780 --> 00:47:16.020
and I don't think he wanted me to be mistreated, or not be promoted, but if I

743
00:47:16.020 --> 00:47:20.340
stayed in that that role, I don't think I would have ever, I don't think I would

744
00:47:20.340 --> 00:47:24.940
be where I am right now, doing this with you all tonight, because letting go of

745
00:47:24.940 --> 00:47:29.900
that, is what made room for all of this, and I really never saw, like when I

746
00:47:29.900 --> 00:47:33.540
stepped into coaching, that's all I was doing, I wasn't doing all the other stuff

747
00:47:33.540 --> 00:47:39.020
that I do in the community, and so I had to make room, so for some of you all, that

748
00:47:39.020 --> 00:47:45.020
is why, that is why, it's not a yes, in this season, it doesn't mean that you

749
00:47:45.020 --> 00:47:48.980
know, God doesn't want to bless your life, or he doesn't want to you know, work on

750
00:47:48.980 --> 00:47:53.580
your behalf, the other aspect here, that I want some of you all to consider, and I

751
00:47:53.580 --> 00:47:59.020
mentioned this earlier today, is that, and I kind of alluded to this, when we

752
00:47:59.020 --> 00:48:02.660
started tonight, if you all weren't on, I was talking about the ways that we hide,

753
00:48:02.660 --> 00:48:08.980
and so many times, we don't even realize, when we show up in life, at our jobs, in

754
00:48:08.980 --> 00:48:13.660
our families, at churches, in relationships, ways that we're not really

755
00:48:13.660 --> 00:48:19.260
showing up as our full self, or we have all these hurts, and they impact the way

756
00:48:19.260 --> 00:48:24.540
we react to people, instead of respond to people, and all different kinds of stuff,

757
00:48:24.540 --> 00:48:31.380
and that can actually cause us to not be able to step into some of these things

758
00:48:31.380 --> 00:48:37.940
that we want, because it can hinder us, or you know, cause us to be hidden, in a

759
00:48:37.940 --> 00:48:42.300
sense, even though we aren't, it's like you're walking around, you're like, do you

760
00:48:42.300 --> 00:48:46.780
actually see me, like I'm right here, does anyone else relate to this, because I

761
00:48:46.780 --> 00:48:52.380
felt like this before, I'm like, how do they not see my potential, and then they

762
00:48:52.380 --> 00:48:55.420
would tell me that they could see my potential, but then they still wouldn't

763
00:48:55.420 --> 00:49:01.700
pay me for it, it was crazy, craziness, but you all, God's blessing, now I can tell

764
00:49:01.700 --> 00:49:08.620
you, I don't think God ever wanted me to feel like I wasn't honored, okay, so don't

765
00:49:08.620 --> 00:49:15.940
misunderstand me, and I got increases in my job along the way, but I thought I

766
00:49:15.940 --> 00:49:22.180
should have gotten a title promotion, and that's what I was hung up on, because for

767
00:49:22.180 --> 00:49:30.700
me, that was a form of identity, okay, an accomplishment, and I didn't understand

768
00:49:30.700 --> 00:49:36.860
why I wasn't being given that accomplishment, but it's because God had

769
00:49:36.860 --> 00:49:40.940
a completely different lane for me to be in, and he had something totally

770
00:49:40.940 --> 00:49:45.580
different for me to accomplish for him, so for some of you all, I want to

771
00:49:45.580 --> 00:49:51.060
encourage you to let go of blaming those people, I'm going to say something, I just

772
00:49:51.060 --> 00:49:55.140
came up in my spirit too, so I want to put this out there, some of you all are

773
00:49:55.140 --> 00:49:59.900
blaming doctors, so if that hits me.

774
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:07.080
resonates for you. I want you just to kind of lean into that a little bit. Maybe a misdiagnosis.

775
00:50:07.080 --> 00:50:14.160
Maybe you felt like they should have caught something. Maybe some of you all I had years.

776
00:50:14.160 --> 00:50:18.480
It's probably been over a year ago. I had a lady that, you know, had a whole malpractice

777
00:50:18.480 --> 00:50:23.160
thing that she had, you know, went through. It wasn't like the flip side, like she was

778
00:50:23.160 --> 00:50:26.800
the patient. So that makes sense. I forget what it's called when you're the patient,

779
00:50:26.800 --> 00:50:33.800
but something happened and she went through the ringer because of some, some incorrect

780
00:50:33.800 --> 00:50:39.920
incisions. I'll just put it that way. And so, yeah, she had to work through a lot of

781
00:50:39.920 --> 00:50:47.160
forgiveness and blame that her life was ruined because of this doctor. And so if you all

782
00:50:47.160 --> 00:50:52.440
have anything like that, be sure to lean into that as well. And just really ask the Lord

783
00:50:52.440 --> 00:50:58.680
to set you free from that. All right, Brenda, let me hear what you have to share.

784
00:50:58.680 --> 00:51:07.200
Okay. So it's interesting because I didn't know the question. And then I was like, I

785
00:51:07.200 --> 00:51:15.200
said to the girl that I was with that I felt for me, I, I tend to blame myself. Like I

786
00:51:15.200 --> 00:51:22.800
missed it. Like what's come up for me recently as there was someone that I met in 2019 that

787
00:51:22.800 --> 00:51:29.520
within 24 hours of knowing him and wanted to marry me. And my whole thing is like, okay,

788
00:51:29.520 --> 00:51:34.040
the Lord's got to be in it. Long story short, I started thinking about him last week and

789
00:51:34.040 --> 00:51:39.760
being like, did I miss it? But I'm older. And then the other thing is that I think I've

790
00:51:39.760 --> 00:51:49.080
also blamed the men, you know, that they were, that I didn't want to deal like with

791
00:51:49.080 --> 00:51:53.960
all their stuff, whatever, you know, even though we all have our stuff and then just

792
00:51:53.960 --> 00:52:02.080
realizing now that, you know, I mean, God's, it's all about God's timing, but also to that

793
00:52:02.080 --> 00:52:08.800
when we're wounded, we're going to attract another wounded person. Yep. And that's been

794
00:52:08.800 --> 00:52:14.840
a big part of it. And I, I just am now thinking about that, like that, you know, I was looking

795
00:52:14.840 --> 00:52:18.800
to stuff that was coming up with them and being like, Oh, I don't want to deal with

796
00:52:18.800 --> 00:52:25.000
that. But then knowing that, you know, because I wasn't healthy, there was no way for me

797
00:52:25.000 --> 00:52:31.400
to have a healthy relationship. So, but I tend to look to me like that. I missed it,

798
00:52:31.400 --> 00:52:37.720
that I delayed it. So, yeah. Yeah. So I think, okay, so I'm going to do a little hard work

799
00:52:37.720 --> 00:52:42.280
on this one and you don't have to necessarily answer if you don't want to Brenda, cause

800
00:52:42.280 --> 00:52:50.000
I didn't say I was going to do that in advance, but when is the first time you felt like,

801
00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:57.080
how do I want to ask this? When is the first time you remember blaming yourself for a decision?

802
00:52:57.080 --> 00:53:02.280
It doesn't even have to be romantic. Like something happened and you felt like deep

803
00:53:02.280 --> 00:53:13.240
down, it was all my fault. Well, what comes to mind is that, um, the first kind of interesting.

804
00:53:13.240 --> 00:53:23.000
So it was right before. So I met a guy who I thought was Christian. Um, but then, you

805
00:53:23.000 --> 00:53:27.880
know, he was not walking with the Lord, but the Lord used it anyways. He, it was a very

806
00:53:27.880 --> 00:53:36.360
abusive relationship. And that's what comes to mind when you ask me that. Okay. So I would

807
00:53:36.360 --> 00:53:42.160
definitely encourage you, even if you've already done it before to use that forgiveness prayer

808
00:53:42.160 --> 00:53:49.760
sheet regarding forgiving yourself for moving forward in that relationship. Okay. Um, because

809
00:53:49.760 --> 00:53:54.160
that is the first thing that came up and for now that might be as far as the Lord will

810
00:53:54.160 --> 00:53:59.720
take you with this. But my guess is once you forgive yourself for that, the Lord might

811
00:53:59.720 --> 00:54:05.440
highlight another layer deeper where you blamed yourself for something. And, and you all just

812
00:54:05.440 --> 00:54:09.920
so you know, that, that can ha that can be how our healing process will happen, where

813
00:54:09.920 --> 00:54:14.640
the Lord will reveal the first thing for you, because he knows what we're ready for at each

814
00:54:14.640 --> 00:54:19.920
moment. Okay. And he knows how to help you get to where you need to go. And so he'll

815
00:54:19.920 --> 00:54:24.880
reveal to you, it's not a game, but he's trying to help you because you need to heal from that

816
00:54:24.880 --> 00:54:31.200
situation still. And then once you kind of work through that, then he might reveal the next piece

817
00:54:31.200 --> 00:54:37.200
of like, okay, what are some ways that you believed that you were at fault here and you

818
00:54:37.200 --> 00:54:45.680
were to blame? And it's always two way street, right? It's takes two people. Um, and so while

819
00:54:45.680 --> 00:54:50.960
that man was a Christian and yeah, ladies, we wouldn't encourage you to be in relationships

820
00:54:50.960 --> 00:54:55.920
with people that don't, you know, love, love the Lord and not just people that go to church,

821
00:54:55.920 --> 00:54:59.840
but they actually have a relationship with Jesus. That's what we want you to really look.

822
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.720
for it and don't get hyper, like religious about it either though. Okay. Obviously y'all

823
00:55:04.720 --> 00:55:07.400
are in heartworks. You don't have to worry about that right now, but I just want you

824
00:55:07.400 --> 00:55:12.920
to kind of know, like, it's important to forgive yourself for mistakes that you've made. So

825
00:55:12.920 --> 00:55:17.880
if you're holding yourself hostage, cause that's kind of what we do. I want to encourage

826
00:55:17.880 --> 00:55:24.440
you all to really ask the Lord. This is kind of what I want you to consider. Like, um,

827
00:55:24.440 --> 00:55:34.800
if you can imagine yourself inside of a jail and the door is open, but you're internally

828
00:55:34.800 --> 00:55:41.000
telling yourself, you're not allowed to leave the jail cell. It's like a punishing ourselves

829
00:55:41.000 --> 00:55:47.040
for stuff we did. Um, but God is like, it's time to come out of the jail. Like I've set

830
00:55:47.040 --> 00:55:52.320
you free already. Um, and he's not mad at us and you know, all these things, but sometimes

831
00:55:52.320 --> 00:55:57.480
our subconscious, because we need healing. We, we think we're still in the prison. We

832
00:55:57.480 --> 00:56:04.200
think we got to stay there, but we don't. So I was going to say that came up after I

833
00:56:04.200 --> 00:56:16.600
said that to you was that there's still a fear in me of like, so after that happened,

834
00:56:16.600 --> 00:56:22.840
the way that I viewed, um, meeting somebody was, I was like, okay, Lord, like I want,

835
00:56:22.840 --> 00:56:27.640
I basically was like, I want nothing to do with it anymore. Like, like I wanted the Lord

836
00:56:27.640 --> 00:56:33.640
to do everything because I felt like, you know, I'm not good at doing this. So I want

837
00:56:33.640 --> 00:56:38.040
all hands off, you know what I mean? So there's still like, when you brought that up, like

838
00:56:38.040 --> 00:56:47.160
there's still this fear in me of, of that slight possibility again, you know? Yeah.

839
00:56:47.160 --> 00:56:55.240
So one of the great things is in this community, look around the room. Okay. The difference,

840
00:56:55.240 --> 00:56:59.880
and this is, I'm going to say this cause this is true for me as well. In the past, part

841
00:56:59.880 --> 00:57:04.720
of the, the reason I was picking wrong was a, I wasn't listening to red flags. I wasn't

842
00:57:04.720 --> 00:57:11.600
truly listening to myself, but B I didn't have healthy community around me. And I have

843
00:57:11.600 --> 00:57:17.640
some great friends. You all, I had some great friends, but even one of my closest friends,

844
00:57:17.640 --> 00:57:21.560
she just wanted me to get married and have babies. I can't tell you how many times she

845
00:57:21.560 --> 00:57:26.040
told me how cute that guy and me, we would just make the cutest babies. And I heard about

846
00:57:26.040 --> 00:57:33.280
that all of the time. So much so that I felt pressured by it. It's not her fault that I

847
00:57:33.320 --> 00:57:38.600
stayed in that relationship, but I'm just, that's another layer where, you know, people

848
00:57:38.600 --> 00:57:45.440
and things can cause influence. So in this community, as long as you pick the people

849
00:57:45.440 --> 00:57:49.680
that are, you know, really walking it out and being healthy and following kind of the

850
00:57:49.680 --> 00:57:53.160
protocol, you know, we're not giving you, when you go through this program, even in

851
00:57:53.160 --> 00:57:58.280
the heart work, we're not giving you guidelines as rules, but we're saying, Hey, this is what

852
00:57:58.320 --> 00:58:05.120
we have found to work. And being in community, when I was dating, I came into my group and

853
00:58:05.120 --> 00:58:08.960
I shared that with the group. And I was like, these are the people I'm meeting. This is

854
00:58:08.960 --> 00:58:13.600
what's happening. This is what's good. This is what's not. They all called my husband

855
00:58:13.600 --> 00:58:18.480
PB and J because that was my nickname for him. And that's how my group, that's what

856
00:58:18.480 --> 00:58:24.400
we did. And so we, we, you know, whether it's a small group or big group, you all, it can

857
00:58:24.440 --> 00:58:31.080
still be the same for you. If you allow community to be there, they, we can help you. Like if

858
00:58:31.080 --> 00:58:36.640
you're dating someone and they got all kinds of red flags, we're going to lovingly be like,

859
00:58:36.640 --> 00:58:43.160
Hey, this isn't good, but it will be up to you all, whether or not you heed wise counsel.

860
00:58:43.280 --> 00:58:48.160
Okay. Same thing in the heart work. If I feel like, you know, someone's saying they're done

861
00:58:48.160 --> 00:58:54.000
with heartwork that takes five weeks and two weeks, I'm going to be like, Hey, no, go

862
00:58:54.000 --> 00:59:01.680
back, start over and take it, take your time because you need it. Everybody needs it. Okay.

863
00:59:01.840 --> 00:59:06.560
So yeah, community is really, really important. So Brenda, thank you for sharing. I encourage

864
00:59:06.560 --> 00:59:10.360
you to lean into that. And if this resonated for anybody else, if you've been blaming

865
00:59:10.360 --> 00:59:14.200
yourself, I would definitely encourage you to ask the Lord kind of same thing I asked

866
00:59:14.200 --> 00:59:20.720
her, you know, when was the first time I blamed myself or held myself hostage and didn't

867
00:59:20.720 --> 00:59:24.640
forgive myself and see what the Lord brings up. Okay. I'm going to go ahead and shift

868
00:59:24.680 --> 00:59:32.280
onto our next topic tonight. Confession and repentance. God knows the why behind the what.

869
00:59:32.800 --> 00:59:39.000
Okay. So when I say this to you, God knows the why behind the what God knows why some of

870
00:59:39.000 --> 00:59:48.600
you, some of us, myself included, um, whether it's current or in the past, excuse me, have

871
00:59:48.600 --> 00:59:54.800
struggled with having sex before marriage. And I know that there are a lot of Christians

872
00:59:55.440 --> 00:59:59.880
that this is the case. We have a lot of people, even in this community, we talk, it's good to

873
00:59:59.880 --> 01:00:00.040
talk about it.

874
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.320
talk about it. If this is your struggle, don't hide. Be honest about it. God knows the why

875
01:00:07.320 --> 01:00:13.040
behind the what. He knows why you're doing what you're doing. He knows the first time,

876
01:00:13.040 --> 01:00:16.440
you know, some of you all were exposed to sexual abuse. Some of you were exposed to

877
01:00:16.440 --> 01:00:22.160
other things. You know, lust is a real thing in our society. Everywhere you turn around

878
01:00:22.160 --> 01:00:29.040
every TV show anymore, you know, that's, it's just everywhere, right? Porn addictions are

879
01:00:29.040 --> 01:00:36.080
at an all time high. And this is not just a male problem. Hey, I'm going to talk real

880
01:00:36.080 --> 01:00:45.040
talk for a minute. Is everybody ready? Okay. Real talk is that we have a lot of ladies

881
01:00:45.040 --> 01:00:52.520
struggling with masturbation. We have a lot of ladies very lonely and doing things because

882
01:00:52.520 --> 01:00:58.600
they're trying to soothe their loneliness and it's a dead end road. And I want you to

883
01:00:58.600 --> 01:01:02.800
know there's no shame. There's no, I'm not trying to guilt you or condemn you because

884
01:01:02.800 --> 01:01:09.280
we can't just behave good ladies. Okay. We need to experience heart change and transformation

885
01:01:09.280 --> 01:01:15.840
and let God heal the places in us that lead us to do things that are not good for us.

886
01:01:15.840 --> 01:01:22.960
Okay. And that includes overeating. That includes gossiping that, you know, all of these things,

887
01:01:22.960 --> 01:01:27.840
they all are not good for us. I'm going to give you a couple other examples of God knows

888
01:01:27.840 --> 01:01:36.040
the why behind the what? Negative self-talk. How many of you beat yourself up in your mind

889
01:01:36.040 --> 01:01:43.480
daily? Like you're saying mean things to yourself, whether it's about your body image or you're

890
01:01:43.480 --> 01:01:48.760
not smart, or maybe your negative self-talk is just nothing's ever going to change. I

891
01:01:48.760 --> 01:01:51.720
don't even know if this program is going to work. Why am I in this program? What am I

892
01:01:51.720 --> 01:01:57.640
doing? You know, like, where is your negative talk leading you? Cause everybody's is different.

893
01:01:58.160 --> 01:02:02.240
Maybe your negative self-talk sounds something like,

894
01:02:05.520 --> 01:02:11.840
I'm never going to be able to accomplish that fill in the blank, whatever that is. So why

895
01:02:11.840 --> 01:02:17.520
should I even try? Because some of you in this heart healing process,

896
01:02:17.520 --> 01:02:22.080
God's going to be awakening dreams in you. Some of you had dreams when you were kids

897
01:02:22.520 --> 01:02:27.240
and that the enemy came in and he stole and he's crushed them.

898
01:02:28.840 --> 01:02:34.680
The Holy spirit on this. And God's going to reawaken those things. And he's going to

899
01:02:34.680 --> 01:02:40.440
nudge you to take a class or go do like, and it doesn't have to be a school class,

900
01:02:40.440 --> 01:02:45.480
like credit wise. It could literally be even a class where you go do a painting class just

901
01:02:45.480 --> 01:02:49.720
to explore. Some of y'all have been called to paint. You've been anointed to paint.

902
01:02:49.760 --> 01:02:54.160
And the enemy tried to convince you as a kid that you weren't any good. I don't know why,

903
01:02:54.160 --> 01:02:57.840
but that I just felt led to use painting as the example. So I feel like that is for someone,

904
01:02:57.840 --> 01:03:02.560
but maybe yours is something different. Maybe yours, you know, you're better with wood and

905
01:03:02.560 --> 01:03:08.080
tools like, but because you were a girl, you were told that's not for you. I mean,

906
01:03:08.080 --> 01:03:12.320
there's all different things. Maybe you love fishing. I don't know about, I love to fish

907
01:03:12.360 --> 01:03:21.000
when I was little, but my dad only took the boys. Things like that. Okay. But allowing God to come

908
01:03:21.000 --> 01:03:27.000
in and, you know, he knows the why behind the what he knows why we have these negative self-talk

909
01:03:27.000 --> 01:03:32.120
cycles and he wants to help us out of it. Maybe yours is insecurity and self-hatred.

910
01:03:33.400 --> 01:03:39.320
And a lot of people think, well, I don't hate myself, but there are thoughts that you're having

911
01:03:39.360 --> 01:03:46.480
that if we really unpacked them, show signs of really not liking yourself for various different

912
01:03:46.480 --> 01:03:52.080
reasons. Okay. I want to tell you a little story. I'm going to try to tell it as quick as I can.

913
01:03:52.960 --> 01:03:59.760
I was unpacking some things from when I was younger. Cause I was looking for a photo from

914
01:03:59.760 --> 01:04:06.080
when I was little. And as I was going through these envelopes, I came across a letter from my

915
01:04:06.120 --> 01:04:11.240
dad. At the time I got this letter is probably in fourth grade. So I think I was about nine.

916
01:04:12.600 --> 01:04:17.320
The letter from my dad was from when he was in jail. Okay. So I'm just going to preface the

917
01:04:17.320 --> 01:04:22.920
story with that. My dad was in and out of jail several times when I was younger, he was a drug

918
01:04:22.920 --> 01:04:29.800
addict and alcoholic. And I really hardly ever remember him being home. Like I just don't really

919
01:04:29.800 --> 01:04:36.280
have a lot of memories at all with my dad, but in this letter in particular he wrote it to my

920
01:04:36.280 --> 01:04:41.640
sister and I, and he was talking about random things, but then he started talking. Now, mind

921
01:04:41.640 --> 01:04:48.920
you, this is my adult dad writing a letter from jail to my sister and I, I was nine. So she would

922
01:04:48.920 --> 01:04:59.160
have been maybe 12 little kids, right? In this letter, he starts talking about how he would like

923
01:04:59.160 --> 01:05:00.120
to come home.

924
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.320
Um, but he has all these fines that he can't pay because he doesn't have any

925
01:05:06.320 --> 01:05:11.000
money and because he doesn't have any money, he has to stay there longer

926
01:05:11.000 --> 01:05:15.360
because he makes, I don't know what it was a certain amount every day that he

927
01:05:15.360 --> 01:05:16.360
stays in jail.

928
01:05:16.360 --> 01:05:19.960
So now I got to stay in jail this many days so that I can pay back this debt.

929
01:05:20.560 --> 01:05:24.680
And he just kept talking in this letter about the money that he didn't have.

930
01:05:25.660 --> 01:05:28.760
And I said to my husband, I literally read it last night.

931
01:05:28.760 --> 01:05:30.520
I hadn't read it in a really long time.

932
01:05:31.240 --> 01:05:35.440
And I said to Brian last night, I was like, this is kind of crazy reading this

933
01:05:35.440 --> 01:05:45.680
now growing up, I battled financially, like in a lot of ways and not just in

934
01:05:45.680 --> 01:05:51.760
the physical, like in my mind regarding money and feeling like I was never going

935
01:05:51.760 --> 01:05:57.800
to have enough and feeling like I would do my best to save, but I felt like I

936
01:05:57.800 --> 01:05:59.720
just had holes in my pockets.

937
01:05:59.720 --> 01:06:01.120
Does anyone ever felt like that?

938
01:06:01.880 --> 01:06:06.760
I don't know if you guys have, but I felt like I really tried and I just kept,

939
01:06:06.960 --> 01:06:10.040
it just kept disappearing and some of it was bad decisions, but I was a big

940
01:06:10.040 --> 01:06:13.800
giver too and all the things, but this is why I'm bringing it up.

941
01:06:15.760 --> 01:06:22.520
I feel like when I looked at that letter, the reality of what I heard and what I

942
01:06:22.560 --> 01:06:28.040
read and what I learned, I was told over and over that, you know, we don't have

943
01:06:28.120 --> 01:06:36.680
money, so I grew up telling myself a lot and even was told you can't do

944
01:06:36.680 --> 01:06:38.280
that because we don't have money.

945
01:06:38.680 --> 01:06:42.760
And yeah, sometimes that's reality and that's life and you know, all those

946
01:06:42.760 --> 01:06:46.280
things, it's not the end of the world when we can't do every single thing we

947
01:06:46.280 --> 01:06:46.880
want to do.

948
01:06:46.880 --> 01:06:47.280
Right.

949
01:06:47.880 --> 01:06:54.800
But I'm saying this to you because God knows the why behind the what for my dad

950
01:06:54.800 --> 01:06:55.200
too.

951
01:06:57.400 --> 01:07:02.560
He knows why my dad made the decisions that he made and ended up in jail.

952
01:07:04.080 --> 01:07:11.120
And years ago, I would like, I remember the first time I was old enough to

953
01:07:11.120 --> 01:07:13.040
acknowledge and understand that letter.

954
01:07:13.720 --> 01:07:19.160
Um, I was so angry, but yesterday I didn't feel angry.

955
01:07:19.160 --> 01:07:22.000
I just kind of was like, wow, like it's kind of crazy.

956
01:07:22.000 --> 01:07:28.200
Like this is partially why I struggled with this, these thought patterns, but God

957
01:07:28.200 --> 01:07:34.240
also knows the why behind my what and why I struggled to hold on to money at times.

958
01:07:34.840 --> 01:07:39.480
So whatever your struggle is, God understands and he wants to help you not

959
01:07:39.480 --> 01:07:40.240
just through it.

960
01:07:40.240 --> 01:07:42.080
He doesn't want to just help you survive.

961
01:07:42.080 --> 01:07:45.200
He wants to help you learn how to heal your heart.

962
01:07:45.800 --> 01:07:49.760
He heals it for us, but he wants to help you in that process so that you can learn

963
01:07:49.760 --> 01:07:55.560
how to thrive and succeed in life in every area, including your love story.

964
01:07:57.440 --> 01:08:03.800
So it's super important to ask the Holy spirit all along the way to reveal to you

965
01:08:03.800 --> 01:08:05.080
what you need to know.

966
01:08:06.040 --> 01:08:07.880
The Holy spirit is the counselor.

967
01:08:08.040 --> 01:08:09.120
He's your comforter.

968
01:08:09.360 --> 01:08:10.160
He's your guide.

969
01:08:10.160 --> 01:08:12.320
He knows you better than you know yourself.

970
01:08:12.720 --> 01:08:16.399
So when you don't know why you're doing what you're doing, you know, the story,

971
01:08:16.399 --> 01:08:22.279
Paul is like, you know, I don't know why I keep doing this thing that I don't want

972
01:08:22.279 --> 01:08:25.240
to do so we can relate to Paul.

973
01:08:25.240 --> 01:08:27.000
Don't we like sometimes don't we.

974
01:08:27.840 --> 01:08:28.359
Okay.

975
01:08:28.720 --> 01:08:31.000
So repentance, what is repentance?

976
01:08:31.040 --> 01:08:32.439
Let's talk about it real quick.

977
01:08:32.479 --> 01:08:40.319
Repentance is literally coming out of agreement with lies or sinful and harmful

978
01:08:40.319 --> 01:08:40.920
behaviors.

979
01:08:40.920 --> 01:08:42.880
It's coming out of agreement with those things.

980
01:08:42.880 --> 01:08:48.720
It's literally, if I was going this direction, it's saying, okay, I'm not going

981
01:08:48.720 --> 01:08:50.319
to go in that direction anymore.

982
01:08:50.319 --> 01:08:57.120
And it's not just, Hey, let me be on my best behavior for a few weeks and just act

983
01:08:57.120 --> 01:08:58.240
like I've got it all together.

984
01:08:58.240 --> 01:09:02.720
But it's literally God, I need you.

985
01:09:03.399 --> 01:09:10.560
I can't do this by myself and I can't keep going down this path of pain.

986
01:09:11.840 --> 01:09:15.399
You know, that, that prayer in the book, if you all aren't there yet, but she,

987
01:09:15.479 --> 01:09:19.680
Jackie talks about like, Lord, take my feet off this path of pain.

988
01:09:19.680 --> 01:09:21.800
It's from a scripture, but it's one of the versions.

989
01:09:21.800 --> 01:09:22.800
It's really beautiful.

990
01:09:23.200 --> 01:09:27.560
And set my feet back on the path that leads me back to you.

991
01:09:28.560 --> 01:09:33.439
And that's what we need, you know, the Lord to help us, to show us the areas

992
01:09:33.439 --> 01:09:38.200
where we need to repent and come out of agreement and turn away from these things

993
01:09:38.200 --> 01:09:40.760
that are not serving us and turn towards him.

994
01:09:41.120 --> 01:09:42.439
So it's a change of mind.

995
01:09:42.439 --> 01:09:43.520
It's a change of spirit.

996
01:09:43.520 --> 01:09:46.720
And it's literally you all, it is a change of body.

997
01:09:46.720 --> 01:09:50.520
Here's, I'm going to kind of tie back in when I was talking about briefly earlier

998
01:09:50.520 --> 01:09:55.320
about the real talk, you all self-control is a fruit of the spirit.

999
01:09:55.880 --> 01:09:59.120
I'm not going to preach on this, but I want you to start leaning into this

1000
01:09:59.120 --> 01:10:00.600
in your heart healing process.

1001
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:07.000
If you all have struggled in any kind of lustful, sexual, even overeating,

1002
01:10:07.000 --> 01:10:13.000
any kind of addictions where your body is impacted because of your decision,

1003
01:10:13.000 --> 01:10:19.000
I want to encourage you to ask the Lord to help you understand that you have a change of mind,

1004
01:10:19.000 --> 01:10:22.000
a change of spirit and a change of body. It's three.

1005
01:10:22.000 --> 01:10:27.000
Okay, so we're literally changing directions and we're going the other way.

1006
01:10:27.000 --> 01:10:33.000
So also asking God, are there any guardrails I need to set up, Lord,

1007
01:10:33.000 --> 01:10:37.000
to protect me from falling into temptation and sin?

1008
01:10:37.000 --> 01:10:43.000
Maybe some of you need to stop subscriptions to things, maybe be on phones less.

1009
01:10:43.000 --> 01:10:48.000
I mean, just really ask the Holy Spirit and see what he will say to you.

1010
01:10:48.000 --> 01:10:52.000
All right, because again, we don't want just behave good.

1011
01:10:52.000 --> 01:10:56.000
We want genuine heart change and transformation, right?

1012
01:10:56.000 --> 01:11:00.000
Right, ladies? Yeah. All right. Confess your faults. Here we go.

1013
01:11:00.000 --> 01:11:06.000
James 5, 16, therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you might be healed.

1014
01:11:06.000 --> 01:11:10.000
The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

1015
01:11:10.000 --> 01:11:12.000
That's the first scripture for you.

1016
01:11:12.000 --> 01:11:19.000
First John 1, 9 says if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins

1017
01:11:19.000 --> 01:11:22.000
and purify us from all unrighteousness.

1018
01:11:22.000 --> 01:11:26.000
So when you're going to go into the breakout room, I want to encourage you all.

1019
01:11:26.000 --> 01:11:32.000
We're going to talk about what, what is God nudging you to confess tonight?

1020
01:11:32.000 --> 01:11:36.000
Where is he asking you to repent and go in a different direction?

1021
01:11:36.000 --> 01:11:41.000
When I encourage you to confess the whole story and what I mean by that is not every gory detail.

1022
01:11:41.000 --> 01:11:45.000
Okay. I just mean, just tell it like it is.

1023
01:11:46.000 --> 01:11:50.000
Okay. If you struggle watching pornography, say that.

1024
01:11:50.000 --> 01:11:56.000
Okay. If you struggled at some point and had an affair with a married man, say that.

1025
01:11:56.000 --> 01:11:58.000
If you're the villain, confess that you're the villain.

1026
01:11:58.000 --> 01:12:01.000
Don't sugarcoat things because here's the thing.

1027
01:12:01.000 --> 01:12:07.000
Y'all know what changed my life with that relationship when I broke up with that guy.

1028
01:12:07.000 --> 01:12:11.000
I called this counselor, wanted to start working with her.

1029
01:12:11.000 --> 01:12:13.000
She was really highly recommended.

1030
01:12:13.000 --> 01:12:18.000
And she said to me, why do you think I'm doing my phone thing?

1031
01:12:18.000 --> 01:12:20.000
Back in the day I used to talk.

1032
01:12:20.000 --> 01:12:24.000
That tells you like what kind of phone I talked on when I was little y'all.

1033
01:12:24.000 --> 01:12:27.000
I saw a phone like that in a hotel this weekend.

1034
01:12:27.000 --> 01:12:29.000
Maybe that's what's why it's on my mind.

1035
01:12:29.000 --> 01:12:33.000
But I was talking to her and she said, why do you think you need?

1036
01:12:33.000 --> 01:12:35.000
I dated myself a little bit there.

1037
01:12:35.000 --> 01:12:37.000
Why do you think you need my help?

1038
01:12:37.000 --> 01:12:39.000
Like, why do you want me to counsel you?

1039
01:12:39.000 --> 01:12:41.000
And I said, because.

1040
01:12:41.000 --> 01:12:48.000
You know, my ex-husband, the guy dated after him and this guy, all three had addiction problems.

1041
01:12:48.000 --> 01:12:52.000
All three betrayed me in the relationship.

1042
01:12:52.000 --> 01:12:55.000
And I don't want to keep making the same mistake anymore.

1043
01:12:55.000 --> 01:12:57.000
And the common denominator.

1044
01:12:57.000 --> 01:13:02.000
Is me.

1045
01:13:02.000 --> 01:13:04.000
So.

1046
01:13:04.000 --> 01:13:06.000
I wanted to be honest with myself.

1047
01:13:06.000 --> 01:13:09.000
I'm not saying that.

1048
01:13:09.000 --> 01:13:18.000
God.

1049
01:13:18.000 --> 01:13:21.000
Wanted any of those relationships for me the night before my first

1050
01:13:21.000 --> 01:13:24.000
wedding, I actually felt like I should call it off. You all.

1051
01:13:24.000 --> 01:13:27.000
God in his goodness rescued me from that bad decision.

1052
01:13:27.000 --> 01:13:28.000
Okay.

1053
01:13:28.000 --> 01:13:33.000
And in our decisions, he'll rescue you as well.

1054
01:13:33.000 --> 01:13:34.000
Okay.

1055
01:13:34.000 --> 01:13:36.000
I'm going to put you in your breakouts.

1056
01:13:36.000 --> 01:13:39.000
And again, I know for some of you, this is feeling, you know,

1057
01:13:39.000 --> 01:13:40.000
it's stretching you.

1058
01:13:40.000 --> 01:13:42.000
It's going to stretch you.

1059
01:13:43.000 --> 01:13:45.000
But this is why it's really important.

1060
01:13:45.000 --> 01:13:48.000
As I read in that scripture, confess your faults one to another.

1061
01:13:48.000 --> 01:13:49.000
Why?

1062
01:13:49.000 --> 01:13:51.000
So you may be healed.

1063
01:13:51.000 --> 01:13:52.000
Okay.

1064
01:13:52.000 --> 01:13:53.000
All right.

1065
01:13:53.000 --> 01:13:54.000
Here you go. Go ahead.

1066
01:13:54.000 --> 01:13:55.000
Does everyone have a question?

1067
01:13:55.000 --> 01:13:56.000
Okay.

1068
01:13:56.000 --> 01:13:57.000
All right.

1069
01:13:57.000 --> 01:13:59.000
I'm going to put you in your breakouts.

1070
01:13:59.000 --> 01:14:02.000
And again, I know for some of you, this is feeling, you know,

1071
01:14:02.000 --> 01:14:03.000
it's stretching you.

1072
01:14:03.000 --> 01:14:04.000
It's going to stretch you.

1073
01:14:04.000 --> 01:14:06.000
But this is why it's really important.

1074
01:14:06.000 --> 01:14:09.000
As I read in that scripture, confess your faults one to another.

1075
01:14:09.000 --> 01:14:10.000
Why?

1076
01:14:10.000 --> 01:14:12.000
All right. Here you go. Go ahead.

1077
01:14:12.000 --> 01:14:14.000
Does everyone know the question? I don't want to lead you in there.

1078
01:14:14.000 --> 01:14:16.000
You know, everybody knows now.

1079
01:14:16.000 --> 01:14:19.000
I'm making a little joke. Okay, here we go.

1080
01:14:19.000 --> 01:14:22.000
I'll see y'all in a little bit.

1081
01:14:22.000 --> 01:14:24.000
Praying for you.

1082
01:14:24.000 --> 01:14:25.000
Love you all.

1083
01:14:25.000 --> 01:14:27.000
Father, thank you so much.

1084
01:14:27.000 --> 01:14:30.000
As they go into the breakouts and even as some of the ladies can't go

1085
01:14:30.000 --> 01:14:32.000
into breakouts and we have people that are going to watch this on

1086
01:14:32.000 --> 01:14:33.000
replay.

1087
01:14:33.000 --> 01:14:35.000
Or we just ask you to minister your life,

1088
01:14:35.000 --> 01:14:37.000
your hope and your truth to them right now that you'll help them to

1089
01:14:37.000 --> 01:14:40.000
come out of hiding in every way.

1090
01:14:40.000 --> 01:14:44.000
Lord, we thank you that your mercies are new every morning.

1091
01:14:44.000 --> 01:14:48.000
Lord, I thank you. That great is your faithfulness to us.

1092
01:14:48.000 --> 01:14:51.000
Even right now that your Holy spirit and your presence and your love

1093
01:14:51.000 --> 01:14:55.000
would invade their hearts, their minds, their spirits, not,

1094
01:14:55.000 --> 01:14:59.000
not as in you push down the door and take them over, but it just comes.

1095
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.700
and washes over.

1096
01:15:01.700 --> 01:15:04.840
I believe every one of these spiritual rooms

1097
01:15:04.840 --> 01:15:06.120
that they're in right now,

1098
01:15:06.120 --> 01:15:08.320
that they're meeting with their sisters

1099
01:15:08.320 --> 01:15:09.840
and they're opening their hearts.

1100
01:15:09.840 --> 01:15:11.480
I pray that you would bless and minister,

1101
01:15:11.480 --> 01:15:14.320
even the ladies that can't share and break out right now,

1102
01:15:14.320 --> 01:15:15.680
that you would give them the courage

1103
01:15:15.680 --> 01:15:20.320
to confess to someone that's safe for them this week.

1104
01:15:20.320 --> 01:15:21.280
We thank you, Lord,

1105
01:15:21.280 --> 01:15:25.040
that you are transforming us by the renewing of our minds,

1106
01:15:25.040 --> 01:15:26.760
that all things have passed away

1107
01:15:26.760 --> 01:15:29.760
and behold, everything has become new in you.

1108
01:15:29.800 --> 01:15:31.320
I thank you, Lord,

1109
01:15:31.320 --> 01:15:36.320
that you are changing minds and hearts

1110
01:15:36.680 --> 01:15:38.280
and spirits and souls.

1111
01:15:38.280 --> 01:15:42.720
We thank you that you're bringing truth and life

1112
01:15:42.720 --> 01:15:46.000
and redemption to each and every one of us.

1113
01:15:46.000 --> 01:15:50.600
We thank you for causing a shift in our spirits.

1114
01:15:50.600 --> 01:15:52.520
Help us to hear your truth.

1115
01:15:52.520 --> 01:15:55.260
Help us to see your life and your hope.

1116
01:15:56.260 --> 01:16:00.300
We thank you, Lord, for, yes, Lord,

1117
01:16:00.300 --> 01:16:03.220
redeeming our timelines and redeeming our stories.

1118
01:16:07.260 --> 01:16:09.020
Lord, even right now, just in my spirit,

1119
01:16:09.020 --> 01:16:10.180
I kept hearing the word,

1120
01:16:10.180 --> 01:16:12.920
some of those have felt despised,

1121
01:16:14.560 --> 01:16:16.420
even against themselves,

1122
01:16:16.420 --> 01:16:18.500
like they've despised their own self

1123
01:16:18.500 --> 01:16:20.020
is what I'm hearing in the spirit.

1124
01:16:20.020 --> 01:16:24.420
And so, Lord, I pray that you'll help a lot of the ladies

1125
01:16:24.420 --> 01:16:25.780
forgive themselves tonight.

1126
01:16:25.780 --> 01:16:29.380
Sorry, ladies, I'm getting kind of choked up in my sinuses.

1127
01:16:32.220 --> 01:16:34.540
I pray that you would help them to extend forgiveness

1128
01:16:34.540 --> 01:16:37.920
and grace towards themselves, as well as towards others,

1129
01:16:39.000 --> 01:16:42.140
that they would receive your grace

1130
01:16:42.140 --> 01:16:43.840
and your truth and your hope.

1131
01:16:45.420 --> 01:16:47.500
I just saw an image, ladies,

1132
01:16:47.500 --> 01:16:50.700
I like literally saw as if the Lord

1133
01:16:50.700 --> 01:16:53.380
was holding in his hand a lantern

1134
01:16:53.380 --> 01:16:55.900
and he was just taking the light,

1135
01:16:55.900 --> 01:16:57.620
like the glow of his glory,

1136
01:16:57.620 --> 01:17:01.460
and just kind of gently like bringing that light towards us.

1137
01:17:01.460 --> 01:17:05.500
And so I'll just speak that over everyone tonight,

1138
01:17:05.500 --> 01:17:10.060
that the glow of the glory of God is here and he's working.

1139
01:17:10.060 --> 01:17:10.900
I thank you, Lord,

1140
01:17:10.900 --> 01:17:13.340
that you would illuminate every dark area.

1141
01:17:15.180 --> 01:17:16.180
We thank you, Lord,

1142
01:17:16.180 --> 01:17:19.260
that you would lift weights off of ladies tonight,

1143
01:17:20.260 --> 01:17:24.180
where they've been carrying burdens for a long time.

1144
01:17:24.180 --> 01:17:25.740
Lord, I thank you that you'll help them

1145
01:17:25.740 --> 01:17:28.380
to lay their burdens down at your feet

1146
01:17:28.380 --> 01:17:32.020
and allow you to, as your word declares,

1147
01:17:32.020 --> 01:17:35.720
what was crimson red, that you would make it white as snow.

1148
01:17:35.720 --> 01:17:39.640
We thank you that as soon as we ask for your forgiveness,

1149
01:17:39.640 --> 01:17:43.100
as soon as we repent and turn and go the other direction,

1150
01:17:43.100 --> 01:17:45.780
our sins are removed as far as the East is from the West.

1151
01:17:45.780 --> 01:17:47.660
We thank you, Lord,

1152
01:17:47.660 --> 01:17:52.140
for every area where we felt oppressed

1153
01:17:52.140 --> 01:17:53.500
and depressed in the past,

1154
01:17:53.500 --> 01:17:57.260
that you're literally removing the lid off of us

1155
01:17:59.020 --> 01:18:03.820
and you're saying, live, live, awaken, daughter,

1156
01:18:03.820 --> 01:18:06.320
arise, shine, for your light has come,

1157
01:18:06.320 --> 01:18:08.420
for the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.

1158
01:18:08.420 --> 01:18:12.380
And we just thank you, Lord, for calling us forth.

1159
01:18:13.220 --> 01:18:17.340
All right, this scripture is so good.

1160
01:18:17.340 --> 01:18:20.740
Luke 8, 17 through 19 in the Passion Translation says this,

1161
01:18:20.740 --> 01:18:24.100
because of this revelation lamp now shines within you,

1162
01:18:24.100 --> 01:18:25.820
nothing will be hidden from you.

1163
01:18:25.820 --> 01:18:28.300
It will all be revealed.

1164
01:18:28.300 --> 01:18:30.340
Every secret of the kingdom will be unveiled

1165
01:18:30.340 --> 01:18:34.460
and out in the open made known by the revelation light.

1166
01:18:34.460 --> 01:18:37.020
So pay careful attention to your hearts

1167
01:18:37.020 --> 01:18:38.940
as you hear my teaching.

1168
01:18:38.940 --> 01:18:40.700
For to those who have open hearts,

1169
01:18:40.700 --> 01:18:42.860
even more revelation will be given to them

1170
01:18:42.860 --> 01:18:45.420
until it overflows.

1171
01:18:45.420 --> 01:18:48.180
And for those who do not listen with open hearts,

1172
01:18:48.180 --> 01:18:52.600
what little light they imagine to have will be taken away.

1173
01:18:52.600 --> 01:18:54.520
So Lord, we just thank you.

1174
01:18:54.520 --> 01:18:57.100
I didn't even realize that that's talking about

1175
01:18:57.100 --> 01:18:59.220
the lanterns and the light in a sense.

1176
01:18:59.220 --> 01:19:01.580
So Lord, we just thank you for that revelation

1177
01:19:01.580 --> 01:19:05.100
and that scripture coming into combination

1178
01:19:05.100 --> 01:19:06.820
with the image that you showed me.

1179
01:19:06.860 --> 01:19:11.860
We thank you for fresh oil being poured into us

1180
01:19:12.300 --> 01:19:15.780
as the lamps of Christ to shine bright for you.

1181
01:19:15.780 --> 01:19:18.980
We thank you that as you continue to reveal these areas

1182
01:19:18.980 --> 01:19:20.580
for healing in our hearts,

1183
01:19:20.580 --> 01:19:24.580
that you would make known your will to us.

1184
01:19:24.580 --> 01:19:27.020
We thank you, Lord, that in Psalm 37, 8,

1185
01:19:27.020 --> 01:19:29.340
it says, stay away from anger and revenge,

1186
01:19:29.340 --> 01:19:33.300
keep envy far from you, for it only leads you into lies.

1187
01:19:33.300 --> 01:19:35.140
So Lord, we thank you that you would help us

1188
01:19:35.860 --> 01:19:40.860
to forgive those that have harmed us in any way,

1189
01:19:41.100 --> 01:19:43.340
that we would no longer want revenge,

1190
01:19:43.340 --> 01:19:45.460
but Lord, that we would trust those people

1191
01:19:45.460 --> 01:19:47.300
in those situations into your hands,

1192
01:19:47.300 --> 01:19:49.540
that you are our defender.

1193
01:19:49.540 --> 01:19:54.060
I thank you that you'll help us to know your truth

1194
01:19:54.060 --> 01:19:55.740
and that your truth is what sets us free.

1195
01:19:55.740 --> 01:19:59.500
So Lord, we thank you that even your ladies,

1196
01:19:59.500 --> 01:20:00.340
as they read.

1197
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.000
your word in the days ahead that Hi, Susan. Hi, I got kicked out

1198
01:20:04.000 --> 01:20:08.040
of my group. What room are you in? Oh, golly, I can't remember.

1199
01:20:08.040 --> 01:20:11.560
It's just one one person, the young girl that talked earlier.

1200
01:20:13.560 --> 01:20:19.360
Mind you struggling a lot with her identity. Okay, yep. Thank

1201
01:20:19.360 --> 01:20:20.560
you. You're welcome.

1202
01:20:25.480 --> 01:20:28.920
Let's see. Yeah, she's good. Okay. I don't know what I was

1203
01:20:28.920 --> 01:20:33.480
saying there. But oh, thank you word that you would, as your

1204
01:20:33.480 --> 01:20:37.040
ladies begin to read your word this week, or continue to read

1205
01:20:37.040 --> 01:20:41.400
your word that you would bring fresh revelation, insight,

1206
01:20:41.440 --> 01:20:44.680
illumination from heaven that you would help them the word to

1207
01:20:44.680 --> 01:20:48.400
come alive to them, that as they read it, that words and

1208
01:20:48.400 --> 01:20:52.360
scripture phrases would pop off the pages to them, and they

1209
01:20:52.360 --> 01:20:55.680
would just recognize Lord that you're speaking to them. And I

1210
01:20:55.680 --> 01:20:58.160
thank you that you would help them to understand that it's an

1211
01:20:58.160 --> 01:21:02.720
exciting adventure to seek your word. Your word says seek, and

1212
01:21:02.720 --> 01:21:07.040
you'll answer knock and the door will be opened up to us. And

1213
01:21:07.040 --> 01:21:09.360
there's another part of that scriptures. I just can't think

1214
01:21:09.360 --> 01:21:12.520
of it right now, ladies, but let us be seekers. Let us keep

1215
01:21:12.520 --> 01:21:16.600
asking and keep knocking. And maybe that was the third one

1216
01:21:16.600 --> 01:21:20.320
there. Psalm 13 says he will be standing firm like a flourishing

1217
01:21:20.320 --> 01:21:24.360
tree planted by God's design deeply rooted by the bricks of

1218
01:21:24.360 --> 01:21:29.160
bliss bearing fruit in every season of his life. He is never

1219
01:21:29.160 --> 01:21:34.320
dry, never fainting, ever blessed, ever prosperous, Lord,

1220
01:21:34.320 --> 01:21:38.120
thank you that we will ever be prosperous in you, that you will

1221
01:21:38.120 --> 01:21:43.680
plan us like this tree by rude bricks of bliss that will be

1222
01:21:43.680 --> 01:21:48.120
like by those rivers of living water. So any area where we have

1223
01:21:48.120 --> 01:21:51.480
not felt alive where we felt stuck where we haven't had hope.

1224
01:21:51.720 --> 01:21:54.960
I thank you that you plan us by the river of living water and

1225
01:21:54.960 --> 01:21:58.040
that your living water would flow up that it would bubble up

1226
01:21:58.040 --> 01:22:02.440
in our stomachs and bubble up out of us and bring forth joy

1227
01:22:02.440 --> 01:22:06.520
unspeakable and full of glory in Jesus name. Welcome back,

1228
01:22:06.520 --> 01:22:10.080
ladies, we have a little bit more time, but they'll be here

1229
01:22:10.080 --> 01:22:15.440
soon. So Lord, we just thank you that as you awaken us from the

1230
01:22:15.440 --> 01:22:19.320
inside out and your live your river of living water flows

1231
01:22:19.320 --> 01:22:22.040
through us, I thank you that you would help us to celebrate

1232
01:22:22.360 --> 01:22:29.200
and bask in your joy that some of us would truly know the

1233
01:22:29.200 --> 01:22:34.440
eternal joy, not a joy that we have to fake or put a smile on

1234
01:22:34.440 --> 01:22:38.680
and, and just long to have or understand, but a true and

1235
01:22:38.680 --> 01:22:43.160
genuine joy from the inside out, that it would burst out of us

1236
01:22:43.600 --> 01:22:47.240
everywhere we go. And we thank you, Lord, that you would draw

1237
01:22:47.240 --> 01:22:51.360
people unto yourself and into your kingdom through us, that

1238
01:22:52.200 --> 01:22:54.960
ladies that have never known their purpose will begin to know

1239
01:22:54.960 --> 01:22:58.560
their purpose, like never before, that they would have

1240
01:22:58.560 --> 01:23:01.440
fresh revelation and insight of who you originally created them

1241
01:23:01.440 --> 01:23:05.680
to be. And you would help them to step further into that more

1242
01:23:05.680 --> 01:23:08.240
every day. And we just thank you for that in advance. We have

1243
01:23:08.240 --> 01:23:11.920
about 16 seconds ladies, and they'll be back. I hope it was a

1244
01:23:11.920 --> 01:23:14.840
good time. I know it can be confession night can be tough.

1245
01:23:15.120 --> 01:23:19.840
Hey, I do know. But I hope it was good to

1246
01:23:21.720 --> 01:23:24.520
that is God is so good. I keep thinking every week I bring

1247
01:23:24.520 --> 01:23:29.200
these bright red cups. My little solo cup. Y'all.

1248
01:23:31.240 --> 01:23:32.240
All right.

1249
01:23:32.360 --> 01:23:35.840
Bethany, can I ask you something quick? Why when we come back to

1250
01:23:35.840 --> 01:23:38.640
the group? Are you talking? Who are you talking to?

1251
01:23:39.000 --> 01:23:43.280
Oh, I'm just praying and talking to the ladies on replay.

1252
01:23:43.320 --> 01:23:46.640
Because guess what, when y'all are in breakout, instead of it

1253
01:23:46.640 --> 01:23:51.200
being just black, I have people that can't go into breakout or

1254
01:23:51.200 --> 01:23:54.280
people that will when they watch the replay don't have the

1255
01:23:54.280 --> 01:23:59.080
breakout session. So I just pray and declare over them. And

1256
01:23:59.080 --> 01:24:02.840
sometimes God will give me prophetic images and I declare

1257
01:24:02.840 --> 01:24:05.760
that stuff out. So if you all ever want to go and listen to

1258
01:24:05.760 --> 01:24:10.440
that, you can fast forward through to when I send you into

1259
01:24:10.440 --> 01:24:13.840
breakouts and hear that part. But yeah, so that's what I'm

1260
01:24:13.840 --> 01:24:18.160
doing. And sometimes the Lord will show me something that I

1261
01:24:18.160 --> 01:24:20.800
need to tell you all when I'm doing that. But yeah, great

1262
01:24:20.800 --> 01:24:24.560
question. I'm just having a party here by myself. You all

1263
01:24:25.920 --> 01:24:32.480
party with Jesus. I love it. All right. Love it. So good, Kim.

1264
01:24:32.480 --> 01:24:36.560
All right. Let me see here. We have Jennifer. Yes, my ladies.

1265
01:24:36.560 --> 01:24:40.080
No, Jennifer and then Suzanne and we'll see we're probably

1266
01:24:40.120 --> 01:24:42.920
we'll probably be right at time to end tonight after they're

1267
01:24:42.920 --> 01:24:45.320
finished. Okay. Go ahead, Jennifer.

1268
01:24:45.800 --> 01:24:50.240
I have. I wanted to start with a question, but I was will share

1269
01:24:50.240 --> 01:24:54.840
what I shared in the breakout room as well. But the question

1270
01:24:54.840 --> 01:24:57.320
is something that actually is something that I has been

1271
01:24:57.360 --> 01:25:00.000
percolating for me in my own personal life.

1272
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.760
life, like just asking about it.

1273
01:25:02.760 --> 01:25:05.480
And it's partly probably a lie too.

1274
01:25:05.480 --> 01:25:11.560
But as we were talking, the question came up, I was like, I think the lie that I've

1275
01:25:11.560 --> 01:25:16.400
sometimes told myself is like that masturbation isn't involving anyone else or hurting anyone

1276
01:25:16.400 --> 01:25:17.840
else.

1277
01:25:17.840 --> 01:25:20.360
And so is this really wrong?

1278
01:25:20.360 --> 01:25:23.960
And I'm wondering if we could unpack that a little bit, because I think that that's

1279
01:25:23.960 --> 01:25:27.880
where sometimes like the lie creeps in for people.

1280
01:25:28.080 --> 01:25:35.040
What I shared with the ladies is that I have been walking in celibacy, was walking in celibacy

1281
01:25:35.040 --> 01:25:40.920
since 2013 when I came back to my relationship with Jesus, like gave my life back to Christ.

1282
01:25:40.920 --> 01:25:43.960
And then I fell in 2020.

1283
01:25:43.960 --> 01:25:47.800
And I just wasn't, I told the ladies that like, I wasn't prepared for what it would

1284
01:25:47.800 --> 01:25:52.200
be like in my 30s to walk in celibacy once my friends had started getting married and

1285
01:25:52.200 --> 01:25:57.120
having families and the loneliness along with my hormones being different.

1286
01:25:57.120 --> 01:26:01.720
And listening to my body once a month when it's ovulating and having to navigate, you

1287
01:26:01.720 --> 01:26:06.160
know, like my heart married with my biology.

1288
01:26:06.160 --> 01:26:10.320
And so I went through a period of like, just wanting to be like an empowered woman.

1289
01:26:10.320 --> 01:26:15.480
And I made a lot of decisions when I fell that really wounded my soul.

1290
01:26:15.480 --> 01:26:20.560
Like by the end of it, like I just felt like a shell of me.

1291
01:26:20.560 --> 01:26:26.080
And I felt like I had compromised so much of myself.

1292
01:26:26.080 --> 01:26:29.960
And I understood what a soul tie was, unfortunately, because I had experienced it.

1293
01:26:29.960 --> 01:26:34.160
Now I could feel what that felt like and had to break those things.

1294
01:26:34.160 --> 01:26:40.040
I'm glad to say that I've been practicing celibacy since September of last year.

1295
01:26:40.040 --> 01:26:41.840
So I am really happy about that.

1296
01:26:41.840 --> 01:26:46.800
But where I'm struggling right now is in my inner world and my thought life.

1297
01:26:46.800 --> 01:26:53.320
Because in dating, my pool is smaller, seems smaller since I'm later in my 30s, I'm 37.

1298
01:26:53.320 --> 01:26:59.000
And I've had guys disqualify themselves, including the last person I was talking to, because

1299
01:26:59.000 --> 01:27:01.080
they don't want to wait until marriage.

1300
01:27:01.080 --> 01:27:04.480
And so in my inner world, I'm like struggling right now.

1301
01:27:04.480 --> 01:27:07.680
And I've been praying about the doubt is what I confessed.

1302
01:27:07.680 --> 01:27:09.760
The doubt about, is this going to work for me?

1303
01:27:09.760 --> 01:27:12.880
You know, my sister is married very happily.

1304
01:27:12.880 --> 01:27:15.400
And she's an attorney and she has a house and kids.

1305
01:27:15.400 --> 01:27:17.000
And they didn't wait a day.

1306
01:27:17.000 --> 01:27:21.800
And so sometimes I'm like, God, that's so not fair, because I've tried so many times

1307
01:27:21.800 --> 01:27:25.200
to do it this way, you know?

1308
01:27:25.200 --> 01:27:26.760
So yeah.

1309
01:27:26.760 --> 01:27:27.760
This is real.

1310
01:27:27.760 --> 01:27:28.760
This is so good.

1311
01:27:28.760 --> 01:27:29.760
Okay.

1312
01:27:29.760 --> 01:27:35.160
So here's the first thing, y'all, I can touch on her first question, but I cannot unpack

1313
01:27:35.160 --> 01:27:36.760
it at this time tonight.

1314
01:27:36.760 --> 01:27:37.760
Okay.

1315
01:27:37.760 --> 01:27:40.200
So I'm just going to say that on the forefront.

1316
01:27:40.200 --> 01:27:45.840
And not because I'm afraid to talk about it, but I think it's a bigger discussion.

1317
01:27:45.840 --> 01:27:48.360
We've unpacked this before.

1318
01:27:48.360 --> 01:27:52.640
And I think, you know, for me too, what's really important for y'all to hear is kind

1319
01:27:52.640 --> 01:27:58.000
of what I've been saying tonight is that I'm not encouraging y'all just to have behavior

1320
01:27:58.000 --> 01:27:59.680
modification.

1321
01:27:59.680 --> 01:28:04.360
I want y'all to experience heart transformation.

1322
01:28:04.360 --> 01:28:11.440
And that is what will bring you the ability to, even when just from experience, okay,

1323
01:28:11.440 --> 01:28:13.720
I'm speaking from experience here.

1324
01:28:13.720 --> 01:28:22.360
Even when your body has hormonal surges, you will learn to choose yourself in a different

1325
01:28:22.360 --> 01:28:23.360
way.

1326
01:28:23.360 --> 01:28:24.360
Okay.

1327
01:28:24.360 --> 01:28:27.440
That's probably the best way to say it.

1328
01:28:28.440 --> 01:28:35.000
I can remember just the enemy trying to even convince me of something, something very similar

1329
01:28:35.000 --> 01:28:36.120
to what you were saying.

1330
01:28:36.120 --> 01:28:39.240
Like it's only like, I'm not harming anybody else.

1331
01:28:39.240 --> 01:28:45.240
This is just me kind of, but God really had to show me like our body is a temple of the

1332
01:28:45.240 --> 01:28:48.920
Holy spirit, you know, and I don't want to get religious about it.

1333
01:28:48.920 --> 01:28:52.080
I want you all to pray about it and see what God shows you.

1334
01:28:52.080 --> 01:28:53.080
Okay.

1335
01:28:53.320 --> 01:28:59.680
Because I think that's where we hear so much religion and churches about what you should

1336
01:28:59.680 --> 01:29:00.680
or shouldn't do.

1337
01:29:00.680 --> 01:29:05.800
And, you know, for good reason, because the church is supposed to be the light and like,

1338
01:29:05.800 --> 01:29:10.600
you know, the, the lighthouse showing us the way to go, but in some regards, the church

1339
01:29:10.600 --> 01:29:11.600
has led us astray.

1340
01:29:11.600 --> 01:29:18.760
So if I encourage you all to ask the Holy spirit, as you are continuing to heal, as

1341
01:29:18.760 --> 01:29:22.880
you spend time in the word of God, I would encourage you to, you know, the word doesn't

1342
01:29:23.680 --> 01:29:27.600
say a whole lot about, is it okay to masturbate?

1343
01:29:27.600 --> 01:29:32.360
But if y'all look into fornication and stuff like that, you know, it depends on how you

1344
01:29:32.360 --> 01:29:33.360
look at it.

1345
01:29:33.360 --> 01:29:37.040
But, um, I remember one, I'll have to find it.

1346
01:29:37.040 --> 01:29:43.040
I'll see if I can find which scripture it actually was, but it talked about like being

1347
01:29:43.040 --> 01:29:44.840
far from God.

1348
01:29:44.840 --> 01:29:51.840
And I just, that was not something I even wanted to consider, um, that I would do anything

1349
01:29:51.840 --> 01:29:57.400
that would hinder my connection with the Holy spirit.

1350
01:29:57.400 --> 01:30:00.040
And so that was why I made changes from.

1351
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.720
myself. And so I put a lot of guardrails. If I felt really

1352
01:30:02.720 --> 01:30:07.760
lonely, I didn't put on the lonely music that caused me to

1353
01:30:07.760 --> 01:30:11.940
think about other things. Y'all, this is real, right? Because

1354
01:30:11.940 --> 01:30:15.040
this is what we do. Sometimes as women, we're so emotional, we're

1355
01:30:15.040 --> 01:30:18.840
already sad and lonely. And then we put on this love music or

1356
01:30:18.920 --> 01:30:22.380
music that makes us think about sex, or we watch the shows that

1357
01:30:22.380 --> 01:30:26.760
have a bunch of sex in them. You all I talked earlier today. Okay,

1358
01:30:26.760 --> 01:30:30.280
I am going to go a little bit into this. We're at 930. If you

1359
01:30:30.280 --> 01:30:33.880
need to hop off, it's okay. I want you all to really ask the

1360
01:30:33.880 --> 01:30:37.640
Lord to our eye gates and our ear gates are super important

1361
01:30:37.800 --> 01:30:46.680
for everybody. I am a very, um, I get very impacted by things I

1362
01:30:46.680 --> 01:30:51.760
see in here. Okay, so I also have a very in tune attunement

1363
01:30:51.760 --> 01:30:55.880
to the Holy Spirit when he's speaking. And so I have to be

1364
01:30:55.880 --> 01:31:00.920
very careful on what I watch and what I hear, even violence,

1365
01:31:00.920 --> 01:31:03.720
like I'm not just even talking sex stuff right now, like

1366
01:31:03.760 --> 01:31:10.120
everything. Um, but years ago, okay, I'm gonna full

1367
01:31:10.120 --> 01:31:13.240
transparency, I was watching this show, and I hope I don't

1368
01:31:13.280 --> 01:31:15.840
offend anyone. But I'm just gonna be honest. I was

1369
01:31:15.840 --> 01:31:19.760
watching, watching Brigerton something, I think I don't know

1370
01:31:19.760 --> 01:31:23.680
how you say it. And the Holy Spirit was like, you need to

1371
01:31:23.680 --> 01:31:28.400
stop watching this. I really started feeling uncomfortable

1372
01:31:28.400 --> 01:31:33.880
with what was in that show. And it really, again, this might

1373
01:31:33.880 --> 01:31:36.840
offend people. I'm sorry if it does. But it really is soft

1374
01:31:36.840 --> 01:31:41.520
porn. It's it's trying to get people okay, with the things

1375
01:31:41.520 --> 01:31:43.600
that are happening on TV. And we see a lot of this stuff in

1376
01:31:43.600 --> 01:31:47.160
movies now too. It's not just that show you all. But if we're

1377
01:31:47.160 --> 01:31:50.560
okay with that, you know, then we might be okay with the next

1378
01:31:50.560 --> 01:31:54.240
thing. You know, 50 shades of gray came out years ago now.

1379
01:31:54.560 --> 01:31:58.120
And I remember the first time I heard a whole Christian women's

1380
01:31:58.120 --> 01:32:02.040
group went to watch the movie together. And I was like, this

1381
01:32:02.040 --> 01:32:06.240
is messed up. Like, that's messed up a little bit if you

1382
01:32:06.240 --> 01:32:08.840
think about it. And if you went to watch it, or you did watch

1383
01:32:08.840 --> 01:32:14.160
it, no shame. I love you. But I feel like the enemy has

1384
01:32:14.160 --> 01:32:18.360
disguised things and tried to convince us that this stuff is

1385
01:32:18.360 --> 01:32:23.520
okay, and that it's not harming us and that then we're taking

1386
01:32:23.520 --> 01:32:29.080
this stuff into relationships with us. And I can tell you for

1387
01:32:29.080 --> 01:32:34.240
a fact, a healthy, loving marriage relationship is nothing

1388
01:32:34.240 --> 01:32:40.640
like the movies. Okay, sometimes sex is really awkward, you all

1389
01:32:40.880 --> 01:32:43.880
Okay, I'm not going to go too far into it. But like you learn

1390
01:32:43.880 --> 01:32:49.360
to love, you learn to love and you choose love and God blesses

1391
01:32:49.360 --> 01:32:57.120
it. Okay. So on another note of what she said, I think the

1392
01:32:57.120 --> 01:33:00.080
bigger thing that you said there was really huge, Jennifer, you

1393
01:33:00.080 --> 01:33:05.640
said, your inner world and thought life, that you had to

1394
01:33:05.640 --> 01:33:09.760
really look at where that was leading you. And where is it

1395
01:33:09.760 --> 01:33:13.080
leading you now and the thoughts that you're struggling with, you

1396
01:33:13.080 --> 01:33:15.120
know, these guys that say they don't want to wait until

1397
01:33:15.120 --> 01:33:17.880
marriage? Well, there are guys that will wait until marriage, I

1398
01:33:17.880 --> 01:33:22.280
know that it might seem and you all trust me, I hear it a lot.

1399
01:33:22.320 --> 01:33:26.320
And it is discouraging to some degree. But then I also hear how

1400
01:33:26.320 --> 01:33:30.040
many great guys are out there. I mean, we're hearing about it all

1401
01:33:30.040 --> 01:33:33.040
the time we have literally Jackie is not making it up when

1402
01:33:33.040 --> 01:33:36.720
she tells you all. And you see on her Instagram, these stories

1403
01:33:36.720 --> 01:33:39.200
of people that are getting married. These are people I have

1404
01:33:39.200 --> 01:33:44.600
met and I know literally, so I'm telling you that it is real. It

1405
01:33:44.600 --> 01:33:50.400
can happen for you as well. And these men are just as serious

1406
01:33:50.440 --> 01:33:56.560
about protecting the covenant as we are. Some of us actually are

1407
01:33:56.560 --> 01:34:01.200
more trying to get them not to some of our ladies. So we're

1408
01:34:01.200 --> 01:34:04.000
really trying to work you know, and again, no shame. It's it's

1409
01:34:04.000 --> 01:34:07.640
all about learning like why like what's triggering those

1410
01:34:07.640 --> 01:34:12.080
behaviors in us and asking the Lord to reveal like, when's the

1411
01:34:12.080 --> 01:34:17.800
first time that I struggled, you know, sexually, in any way you

1412
01:34:17.800 --> 01:34:21.880
all again, I'm just being real talk and ask the Holy Spirit to

1413
01:34:21.880 --> 01:34:25.640
reveal that to you and see what he wants to heal there. I don't

1414
01:34:25.640 --> 01:34:28.640
normally go this far into this conversation. So the Lord must

1415
01:34:28.640 --> 01:34:33.080
know that some some people need it tonight. Okay. We love you

1416
01:34:33.080 --> 01:34:36.080
all and we want you to walk into freedom and healing in every

1417
01:34:36.080 --> 01:34:40.680
area. Okay. All right, Suzanne, I want to give you an opportunity

1418
01:34:40.680 --> 01:34:42.880
to share. Thank you so much for waiting.

1419
01:34:43.040 --> 01:34:48.720
Awesome. Thank you. Hey, so I'm in the second breakout room

1420
01:34:48.720 --> 01:34:52.280
connects to the question that you we talked about in the first

1421
01:34:52.280 --> 01:34:55.680
breakout room. And it has to do with just like the health

1422
01:34:56.120 --> 01:34:59.000
healing journey on like the physical health healing journey

1423
01:34:59.000 --> 01:35:00.040
that is on and

1424
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.920
I've shared a little bit in the group on Facebook and not and

1425
01:35:05.120 --> 01:35:09.080
it really has really been a thing during this journey that

1426
01:35:09.120 --> 01:35:12.400
wasn't as present prior to starting this. And so it's been

1427
01:35:12.400 --> 01:35:15.560
discerning through what is what's really all going on here.

1428
01:35:16.480 --> 01:35:19.880
But the confession and I feel like I'm wondering if my body

1429
01:35:19.880 --> 01:35:25.680
even trusts me to heal. Yeah, because I feel like there's

1430
01:35:25.680 --> 01:35:31.840
something. Yeah, like, will I will I take care of myself?

1431
01:35:31.840 --> 01:35:36.520
Well, like, have I does my body trust me to care for it? Well?

1432
01:35:37.320 --> 01:35:40.000
And is that where some of the hindrances to some of the

1433
01:35:40.000 --> 01:35:43.920
physical healing coming? So what I shared in my group was, like,

1434
01:35:43.920 --> 01:35:47.200
there have been some things going on where it's I've just

1435
01:35:47.680 --> 01:35:51.080
like the other day, I just was almost like anxiety attack type

1436
01:35:51.080 --> 01:35:53.600
of things. And there's been this. So there's been some

1437
01:35:53.600 --> 01:36:00.800
physical things going on. But in that, I've also seen myself

1438
01:36:00.800 --> 01:36:04.240
partner with a lot of hopelessness to in the midst and

1439
01:36:04.240 --> 01:36:07.480
kind of feeling like it just keeps piling on it feels like

1440
01:36:07.480 --> 01:36:11.400
how do you dig out of this? Or do I believe God can really

1441
01:36:11.400 --> 01:36:15.880
heal? And I may do but do I, you know, like, am I doing that for

1442
01:36:15.880 --> 01:36:20.560
myself, I guess is a better way to put that. And with all of

1443
01:36:20.560 --> 01:36:27.040
that. It's just, it's that place. Oh, so in when I'm in

1444
01:36:27.040 --> 01:36:32.600
just these places, I'm like, forget it, like, you know, why

1445
01:36:32.640 --> 01:36:35.640
eat? Well, if it's not going to work, or like, just these lies

1446
01:36:35.640 --> 01:36:39.680
coming in of I've, I've do these things, and I still seem to not

1447
01:36:39.680 --> 01:36:43.960
get well. So then I like come under this hopelessness. And

1448
01:36:44.360 --> 01:36:47.240
let's just dive into the pizza and ice cream anyway, you know,

1449
01:36:47.240 --> 01:36:52.040
and so, which is hurting me, you know, it's not helping me.

1450
01:36:52.080 --> 01:36:52.560
And

1451
01:36:52.600 --> 01:36:55.520
I mean, I'm gonna have you just for a second, because I feel

1452
01:36:55.520 --> 01:36:59.240
like I want to lead you into some hard work for a sec. Yeah,

1453
01:36:59.280 --> 01:37:02.760
when you were talking about does my body even trust me to take

1454
01:37:02.760 --> 01:37:07.160
care of it? I want to, I want to ask you, because you're on to

1455
01:37:07.160 --> 01:37:10.320
something here, I really do think that this is going to help

1456
01:37:10.320 --> 01:37:16.720
you in the days ahead. And when is the first time like you

1457
01:37:16.720 --> 01:37:24.160
remember feeling like maybe you didn't take good care of your

1458
01:37:24.160 --> 01:37:27.760
body, like first time or like where you got sick? And you

1459
01:37:27.760 --> 01:37:31.400
thought, like, did I do something to cause that? It

1460
01:37:31.400 --> 01:37:32.440
could be either one.

1461
01:37:34.720 --> 01:37:35.400
We think

1462
01:37:42.200 --> 01:37:46.400
like, I remember, I got sick a lot, even as a kid, just with

1463
01:37:46.400 --> 01:37:49.760
things. But I don't know if I've thought at that point,

1464
01:37:49.760 --> 01:37:54.720
though, like I did that. Necessarily, I think are of your

1465
01:37:54.720 --> 01:38:00.640
question would be more as as an adult, like even some issues and

1466
01:38:00.640 --> 01:38:07.920
just eating things that aren't helping me or are hurting my gut

1467
01:38:07.960 --> 01:38:08.640
or

1468
01:38:08.960 --> 01:38:11.880
so let's talk about as a kid, though. Okay, let's get for

1469
01:38:11.880 --> 01:38:18.160
sick. So tell me, when is the first time you remember? Like,

1470
01:38:20.080 --> 01:38:26.000
I don't know if you had to go to a hospital or like, what stands

1471
01:38:26.000 --> 01:38:28.320
out to you as a kid? Like when you say you were really sick as

1472
01:38:28.320 --> 01:38:31.360
a kid? Can you tell me just kind of the brief version? Like, what

1473
01:38:31.360 --> 01:38:35.840
do you remember the most? Like, what is the most poignant moment

1474
01:38:35.880 --> 01:38:36.480
of that?

1475
01:38:37.280 --> 01:38:42.080
Yeah, I guess, just times where I never went to the hospital

1476
01:38:42.080 --> 01:38:45.560
that I don't remember that but doing anything like that. But

1477
01:38:45.560 --> 01:38:50.480
just, it just felt like every time I just would keep getting

1478
01:38:50.480 --> 01:38:54.360
strep throat and have super high fevers and just being like

1479
01:38:54.400 --> 01:38:59.560
knocked out for a while and missing school. And I just

1480
01:38:59.560 --> 01:39:03.760
remember that happening often as a young child.

1481
01:39:04.120 --> 01:39:08.560
Hey, do you remember? And it's okay, if you don't, but this is

1482
01:39:08.560 --> 01:39:11.320
I just want to kind of lead you into this a little bit. Do you

1483
01:39:11.320 --> 01:39:15.120
remember any thoughts that you might have had during that time?

1484
01:39:15.120 --> 01:39:18.000
Like, how did you think and feel about the fact that you were

1485
01:39:18.000 --> 01:39:20.960
missing school a lot? Or that you were sick a lot?

1486
01:39:23.320 --> 01:39:27.680
Um, you know, one thing, and I've thought of this before, is

1487
01:39:27.680 --> 01:39:31.640
it almost felt like it gave me permission to take a break.

1488
01:39:35.040 --> 01:39:36.640
Okay, a break from what?

1489
01:39:37.560 --> 01:39:41.920
Like, like the school thing that didn't bother me that I missed

1490
01:39:41.920 --> 01:39:44.600
it. It was like, nice to not have to.

1491
01:39:45.600 --> 01:39:49.840
Okay. So you partnered in some way with sickness, then?

1492
01:39:51.120 --> 01:39:54.840
I do think I did. I almost like, even when I was older, my sister

1493
01:39:54.840 --> 01:39:57.160
in law said, she's like, you know, every time like a break,

1494
01:39:57.520 --> 01:40:00.120
even a break rolled around, like Christmas break.

1495
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:04.040
It came or this came like you just would get sick all the time.

1496
01:40:04.520 --> 01:40:06.120
And I'm like, you know, that's true.

1497
01:40:06.520 --> 01:40:10.280
Um, but when I was older, that's what I really recognize.

1498
01:40:10.280 --> 01:40:17.200
I feel like a partnership of it almost, it like gives permission to take, to rest.

1499
01:40:17.600 --> 01:40:19.920
Was anyone else in your family sick like this?

1500
01:40:22.040 --> 01:40:24.280
Like mom or did anyone else struggle?

1501
01:40:24.280 --> 01:40:29.360
Did anyone like, did mom or grandma ever say, I used to get sick like this

1502
01:40:29.360 --> 01:40:34.200
to you or I don't remember my parents saying that, um, my sister did a little

1503
01:40:34.200 --> 01:40:35.240
bit, she was older than me.

1504
01:40:35.280 --> 01:40:36.880
Like I didn't, she was a lot older than me.

1505
01:40:36.880 --> 01:40:40.440
We didn't live in the house very, like, we didn't share a lot of space in the

1506
01:40:40.440 --> 01:40:41.520
house cause she was that much older.

1507
01:40:41.520 --> 01:40:42.320
She moved out.

1508
01:40:42.960 --> 01:40:45.480
Um, like she had mono and things like that.

1509
01:40:45.800 --> 01:40:47.840
Did she get attention when she was sick?

1510
01:40:50.400 --> 01:40:51.040
I don't know.

1511
01:40:51.040 --> 01:40:56.840
I was, I was too young to really recognize that there's some connections there.

1512
01:40:56.920 --> 01:41:03.960
Um, so just, I want to encourage you to ask the Lord a little bit about this and

1513
01:41:03.960 --> 01:41:08.600
kind of just, and it may not, it may not end up being anything, but when you

1514
01:41:08.600 --> 01:41:13.760
mentioned, you know, that someone else mentioned to you that you got sick a lot.

1515
01:41:13.840 --> 01:41:14.160
Okay.

1516
01:41:14.160 --> 01:41:18.280
So now some other people in your family and your life are noticing you got sick a

1517
01:41:18.280 --> 01:41:18.520
lot.

1518
01:41:18.520 --> 01:41:21.200
And so immediately I'm like, okay, wait a minute.

1519
01:41:21.560 --> 01:41:26.200
That kind of signals to me that someone else in family line might also have had

1520
01:41:26.200 --> 01:41:27.240
something similar.

1521
01:41:27.520 --> 01:41:32.040
So I didn't know I'm asking mom or aunt and here it's your sister that was older.

1522
01:41:33.320 --> 01:41:38.560
Again, I don't know if for sure if there's anything there, but I felt led to ask you

1523
01:41:38.640 --> 01:41:41.280
if she got attention when she was sick.

1524
01:41:41.720 --> 01:41:46.680
Cause again, as kids, we don't, you know, we don't understand certain things.

1525
01:41:46.760 --> 01:41:51.040
And when an older sibling is sick a lot and we're seeing them get all this

1526
01:41:51.080 --> 01:41:56.720
attention subconsciously, sometimes we can, even if we don't want to or mean to,

1527
01:41:56.720 --> 01:42:03.920
we can actually partner with something like if I'll get attention to, and we

1528
01:42:03.920 --> 01:42:07.000
don't, I mean, even as little kids, we can think that way.

1529
01:42:07.280 --> 01:42:07.720
Right.

1530
01:42:08.160 --> 01:42:12.440
Um, but the other flip side, and you know, I've kind of commented to you on this,

1531
01:42:12.680 --> 01:42:14.480
the flip side is the enemy.

1532
01:42:14.520 --> 01:42:18.880
You know, he does inflict a spirit of disease on families.

1533
01:42:18.880 --> 01:42:19.200
Okay.

1534
01:42:19.320 --> 01:42:25.160
So that's, there's a balance there, but I really think you kind of just keep

1535
01:42:25.160 --> 01:42:29.680
pulling this thread a little bit and see what else the Lord wants to reveal here.

1536
01:42:29.680 --> 01:42:32.800
I feel like there might even just be some additional revelation.

1537
01:42:33.280 --> 01:42:36.640
Um, the other thing that I want to leave you with, and that I am going to close

1538
01:42:36.640 --> 01:42:37.680
tonight, right.

1539
01:42:38.840 --> 01:42:43.720
Is that I want to encourage you to also ask the Lord, when was the first time

1540
01:42:43.760 --> 01:42:45.640
if you did partner with sickness?

1541
01:42:45.680 --> 01:42:46.080
Okay.

1542
01:42:46.360 --> 01:42:49.560
And what I mean by that for anyone that doesn't know what I mean by partner with

1543
01:42:49.560 --> 01:42:59.440
it, that means that on some level in her subconscious, she agreed that she would

1544
01:42:59.480 --> 01:43:04.120
like that there was something good that could come from her sickness.

1545
01:43:04.600 --> 01:43:05.600
Does that make sense?

1546
01:43:06.160 --> 01:43:06.720
Everyone.

1547
01:43:07.480 --> 01:43:07.800
Okay.

1548
01:43:08.440 --> 01:43:13.320
And it doesn't mean she did that intentionally, but again, subconsciously

1549
01:43:13.320 --> 01:43:17.480
sometimes when we believe these lies, because of things that we've seen, things

1550
01:43:17.480 --> 01:43:20.920
that we've heard, also things that can come down through family line.

1551
01:43:20.920 --> 01:43:24.200
That's why I asked, is there anybody else there in the family

1552
01:43:24.640 --> 01:43:27.520
that also had a lots of sickness?

1553
01:43:28.000 --> 01:43:33.880
So, um, ask the Lord when is, if, if there was a partnership with sickness,

1554
01:43:33.880 --> 01:43:38.200
if I came into agreement with sickness in some way, can you show me when the first

1555
01:43:38.200 --> 01:43:41.600
time was, and just ask the Lord and see what he shows you.

1556
01:43:42.080 --> 01:43:46.960
And same thing that I was telling Jennifer, you start with the first layer, see what

1557
01:43:46.960 --> 01:43:48.640
the Lord or whoever I was talking to.

1558
01:43:48.680 --> 01:43:49.600
I think that was Jennifer.

1559
01:43:50.000 --> 01:43:55.720
Um, what is the first memory that the Lord shows you and process that on?

1560
01:43:55.720 --> 01:43:59.240
Let him, if there's other things to say, Lord, is there anything else you want to

1561
01:43:59.240 --> 01:44:02.480
show me and you don't have to strive for the answer.

1562
01:44:02.680 --> 01:44:03.080
Okay.

1563
01:44:03.560 --> 01:44:05.280
Ladies, we never have to strive.

1564
01:44:05.640 --> 01:44:08.120
We, we ask and we let the Lord reveal.

1565
01:44:08.560 --> 01:44:08.920
Okay.

1566
01:44:09.680 --> 01:44:10.160
All right.

1567
01:44:10.160 --> 01:44:12.360
Tonight, you all has been so good.

1568
01:44:12.360 --> 01:44:13.760
We had some real talk.

1569
01:44:13.760 --> 01:44:15.600
We had some confession, repentance.

1570
01:44:15.840 --> 01:44:16.840
I want to encourage you all.

1571
01:44:16.840 --> 01:44:18.880
This is, this is activations.

1572
01:44:19.040 --> 01:44:21.000
Um, we're always giving you activations.

1573
01:44:21.560 --> 01:44:26.080
Um, I don't know if I can even remember the one that I did earlier today.

1574
01:44:26.880 --> 01:44:28.800
You all, I should have wrote that down.

1575
01:44:28.800 --> 01:44:29.960
It was a pretty good idea.

1576
01:44:30.480 --> 01:44:33.040
I don't know if I remember, so I'm going to give you a different one.

1577
01:44:33.400 --> 01:44:36.480
So if you came during the morning, early session, do the

1578
01:44:36.480 --> 01:44:38.120
activation I gave you for that group.

1579
01:44:39.120 --> 01:44:40.880
And then I'm going to give you all one for tonight.

1580
01:44:41.360 --> 01:44:41.800
All right.

1581
01:44:41.800 --> 01:44:42.360
So.

1582
01:44:43.840 --> 01:44:50.240
In your coming out of, um, hiding, I think it's super important for you all to,

1583
01:44:50.720 --> 01:44:52.040
Oh, this is what I did.

1584
01:44:52.160 --> 01:44:53.080
Thank you, Jesus.

1585
01:44:53.080 --> 01:44:53.760
I remember.

1586
01:44:54.280 --> 01:44:54.800
All right.

1587
01:44:55.800 --> 01:45:00.040
Some of y'all have hidden for so long that you don't even really know yourself.

1588
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:03.680
And there are things that you haven't liked a lot about yourself.

1589
01:45:03.680 --> 01:45:05.400
And so I want you to write yourself.

1590
01:45:05.440 --> 01:45:08.440
And when I say a letter, it doesn't have to be pages and pages.

1591
01:45:08.440 --> 01:45:08.680
Okay.

1592
01:45:08.680 --> 01:45:12.000
This is not, if you want to write that many, go for it.

1593
01:45:12.480 --> 01:45:16.440
But what I, what I want you to do is I want you to say, Lord, show

1594
01:45:16.440 --> 01:45:18.400
me some good stuff about myself.

1595
01:45:18.600 --> 01:45:23.880
Show me, you know, things about me that I want to explore, whatever, like

1596
01:45:23.940 --> 01:45:27.400
anything about coming out of hiding and just start writing things down.

1597
01:45:27.720 --> 01:45:28.520
Good stuff.

1598
01:45:29.240 --> 01:45:31.720
What is good about April?

1599
01:45:31.720 --> 01:45:34.200
What is good about Lynn?

1600
01:45:34.320 --> 01:45:38.560
Like, what is good about Liz and Lord help me to put it on paper and just

1601
01:45:38.560 --> 01:45:42.880
start writing a couple of things down thoughts, phrases, whatever

1602
01:45:42.880 --> 01:45:43.720
comes up in your spirit.

1603
01:45:43.760 --> 01:45:47.440
Again, if anything negative comes up, y'all write that sucker down in a

1604
01:45:47.440 --> 01:45:49.600
different area, but cross that out.

1605
01:45:49.640 --> 01:45:50.800
Cause that's not truth.

1606
01:45:51.000 --> 01:45:52.200
That's not from the Lord.

1607
01:45:52.720 --> 01:45:54.840
And then ask God for the truth to replace that.

1608
01:45:54.840 --> 01:45:57.840
Cause even those little times where we're trying to work on something good,

1609
01:45:57.840 --> 01:45:59.560
the enemy will try to slip right in there.

1610
01:46:00.160 --> 01:46:02.080
So we don't, we won't, we don't want them to come in.

1611
01:46:02.320 --> 01:46:05.920
So that's your activation, but here's the, here's the other side of this.

1612
01:46:06.280 --> 01:46:09.280
I want you to tell us in the group, I want you to share some of that.

1613
01:46:09.320 --> 01:46:13.000
If you don't have to share the whole letter, if you don't want to, but at

1614
01:46:13.000 --> 01:46:16.160
least part of it, this is part of your coming out of hiding this week.

1615
01:46:16.560 --> 01:46:17.040
Okay.

1616
01:46:17.400 --> 01:46:19.400
Come out of hiding, come into community.

1617
01:46:19.400 --> 01:46:20.920
Let us celebrate you.

1618
01:46:21.160 --> 01:46:22.520
You're not going to get rejected.

1619
01:46:22.520 --> 01:46:26.240
We're going to love your, your letter to yourself, your note to yourself,

1620
01:46:26.240 --> 01:46:31.560
whatever you can take a screenshot of it and share the image, or you can share

1621
01:46:31.560 --> 01:46:34.360
a couple of lines from it, whatever your preference is.

1622
01:46:34.520 --> 01:46:35.020
Okay.

1623
01:46:35.280 --> 01:46:37.640
Father, thank you so much for your grace, your goodness.

1624
01:46:37.640 --> 01:46:41.160
Thank you for the Holy spirit, who is so amazing.

1625
01:46:41.360 --> 01:46:43.840
He's he's close, like a friend.

1626
01:46:43.880 --> 01:46:46.160
I thank you that we never have to walk through life alone.

1627
01:46:46.160 --> 01:46:49.680
That Lord God, you never leave us nor forsake us that you're always

1628
01:46:49.680 --> 01:46:52.520
working in, in our lives and ways.

1629
01:46:52.520 --> 01:46:54.600
We can't even ask, think, or imagine.

1630
01:46:54.600 --> 01:46:58.560
I pray Lord tonight, like so much has been stirred up about areas that we need to

1631
01:46:58.560 --> 01:47:03.400
repent, confess even areas that we struggle in Lord, that, you know, a lot of the

1632
01:47:03.400 --> 01:47:05.080
church in the world doesn't talk about.

1633
01:47:05.080 --> 01:47:08.640
I pray that you would just bring grace and truth and hope that you would reveal to

1634
01:47:08.640 --> 01:47:12.320
these ladies areas that you want them to have heart transformation and

1635
01:47:12.320 --> 01:47:13.640
make a shift in their lives.

1636
01:47:13.920 --> 01:47:18.480
I thank you that you would remove chains and bondages in greater ways this week.

1637
01:47:18.480 --> 01:47:22.240
We thank you for supernatural breakthroughs and healing in Jesus name.

1638
01:47:22.240 --> 01:47:23.240
God bless you all.

1639
01:47:23.240 --> 01:47:25.000
Have an amazing night, everyone.

1640
01:47:25.280 --> 01:47:26.000
Bye.