WEBVTT

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All right, awesome. Yes, and more people are jumping in. Welcome, Phase 2 ladies. This

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is September 24th, Tuesday, your one o'clock live check-in here. I'm Carla Johnson. I'm

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a coach here in your Phase 2 community. And just to give a little background, I've been

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with Jackie since late 2020. So I was kind of one of the OGs with Jackie. And so I spent,

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you know, a long struggling season in my, you know, my singleness, but I rest assured

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I do come out with a success story. So I am so excited to be here with you all. It's always

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an honor and a privilege to be able to pour back into this community what I got out of

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it. And so I hope that you ladies can, that I can instill in you ladies, just what I had

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to go through and be here as an encourager, as someone to lean on and get support from

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who's walked the same walk that you did. And now I'm even walking into that journey of

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marriage and all the things that come with that as well. So I can, I'm going before you

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ladies so that I can pour into you now. So it always gives me such honor and pleasure

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and gratitude to be able to do that with you. So this is the one o'clock call. I know there's

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a lot of you ladies that it's a little challenging to get to this call because of work. And then

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if you are here, it's sometimes hard to want to come on camera. So if you are here with

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us and can get on camera, I encourage you to do so. I was just telling, is it Shawnee?

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I was just telling Shawnee that this is a safe, intimate space. Okay. We can get vulnerable

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here. Like oftentimes I get vulnerable with you ladies too. Just know that we hold the

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sacred space of how it's important for us that this is safe for y'all and to get vulnerable

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and it's okay for you to show up here. Okay. So we hold that very sincere and sacred to

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our hearts. So just know that we're always protecting that space for you. Okay. So there's

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nothing to fear. All right. So again, if you can come on camera, please do. I'm going to

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go over some housekeeping items. We have a very packed day today. This usually the last

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week of the month, that fourth week is where we cover the boundaries video. And there's

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just so much great information in that, that sometimes, you know, it's a lot to get through.

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So I want to be mindful of y'all's time. So in doing that, I am going to help myself

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by setting a timer so that I stay on track and we can get through. And I want to leave

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enough space at the end to be able to go through, go through all your questions. Because that's

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what phase two is really all about in this, in this live check-in is really to be the

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extra support to you ladies, as you're stepping out of heartwork, where you took a little

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sabbatical from dating, and then you're getting your feet wet again, into dating and dating

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in a new way. So we want to be able to supply that support for you and be here for you.

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That's why it's a much smaller group. So we do go over some housekeeping items. So I want

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to try to quickly get through that something we cover every single week. So it's always

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in the replays. But first, if you are new to phase two, and this may be as your first

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check-in, go ahead and raise your avatar hand or your actual hand if you're on camera.

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So thank you, Shawnee. I appreciate you. I think Kelly, I have seen you here. I see you

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here many times. I don't see your face. I'm guessing maybe you can't come on camera, which

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I actually need to go ahead and show my chat. All right. So yeah, you can't come on camera

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or unmute. You can always type in the chat. Okay. So welcome, welcome, welcome.

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A couple of things here. Just a reminder, the goal is to watch only one video per week. We

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have five videos. They are titled Love Story Accelerator, Dating 101, Divine Feminine,

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Online Dating, and then Boundaries, which is what we are going to briefly cover a bit today. I'm

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just going to kind of hit the highlights, the key points there. Those are a little bit over,

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like a little, roughly over an hour long. So make sure that when you are watching those videos,

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one a week, you're taking notes, you're considering how you're going to apply it,

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apply that content in your current situation, and then share with us your takeaways in the app. Like

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make sure that you are engaging in our community. I can attest to having been through this community,

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you get out of this program what you put in and you are valued.

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And it is important for you to understand that it is okay to invest in yourself.

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So the more that you invest in yourself, and invest in this program, the more that you're

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going to be able to receive out of it.

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So I want to use that as an encouragement for you, ladies.

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So if you are coming out of phase one, this means you are cleared to date, okay, exciting,

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right?

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For some of us, not for all of us, okay.

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I was one of those that I was like, I'm ready to know that I, if you're a little scared

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of that seven day challenge, don't worry, I was too.

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But don't sweat it, really, it's, you know, you don't have to finish the seven dates before

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you can get into phase three.

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In fact, like a lot of you are probably not going to necessarily get through those seven

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dates in the four or five weeks that you're here in phase, in phase two, okay.

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And that's perfectly okay, perfectly okay.

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It's important to remember to use this time to focus on coming out of hiding and that

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not everybody is going to be going at the same speed and rate and pace as you are.

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So don't play that comparison game, just not, it doesn't get any of us anywhere, okay.

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So, but again, we really do want you posting here in phase two.

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So those posts can be about all different things.

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It can be about heartwork stuff, because believe it or not, as you start stepping into dating,

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or even maybe you're not ready to date, there's still some heartwork stuff that will come up.

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Because heartwork is something that's going to always show up through your life, okay.

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So we don't graduate from heartwork.

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There's, it's like an onion.

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We peel those layers.

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There's always things that God wants to upgrade us and grow us in.

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So know that you are going to experience some of those things.

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It doesn't always have to be heavy.

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It can be enlightening.

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It can, it can be good, okay.

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Your post can be about dating situations.

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I always encourage you ladies to share, share, share what is happening in your dating life.

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We can help you see those blind spots, all right.

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And we also just want to celebrate with you.

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And we want to, you know, celebrate and keep encouraging you to do the things that you are doing.

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That's really great.

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You can post things about what you're learning based on the videos,

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any breakthroughs that you're having, the celebrations, questions that you're having.

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When you're posting, be mindful that you're clicking on the correct tab before you hit post.

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If it is a ask a coach question, please make sure that you click that tab.

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Because those are ones that us coaches really want to make sure that we're paying attention to

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and getting to those as quickly as possible to answer those questions.

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The last thing we want to do is leave you all hang in when you have an important question.

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And because of that, we also ask that you ladies refrain from responding to any

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member in the community under that ask a coach tab, okay.

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Any of the other tabs, like the wins tab, the relationship, milestones, the all tab,

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you can respond and reply to women in those tabs, but leave the ask the coach questions

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to us coaches, okay.

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I'm going to try to keep rushing through here.

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I'm out of time here.

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Then when you are creating posts, make sure that you can help us

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by not posting or linking other websites or videos of speakers or influencers or pastors

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or websites or dating sites, anything of that nature.

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Do that because we really want to make sure that the information that we're putting out

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there for you and that you have access to through our community

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is vetted and in alignment with what we teach here at Last Year Single.

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So just help us out by not posting any links that directly attach to those things, okay.

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We can't vet those out.

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We just don't have the time to do so.

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We want to make sure that when you come to our website and our app and things like that,

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you are getting access to the resources that we have been able to check out for you first, okay.

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If you do a video when you're posting in the app, we do ask that you keep those videos

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under three minutes.

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The best way to do this is to just jot down some notes of things that you want to talk

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about or share with us.

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Just keep it under three minutes.

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Just stick to a couple topics, bullet points, and go from there.

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I'm an overshare.

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I talk way too much sometimes.

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So I have to really focus on that.

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So I understand the struggle, but I do assure you it can be done, okay.

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Again, we want to encourage you all to engage and connect with one another

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and doing that in the community and posting encouraging things to your sisters.

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Just refrain from giving feedback and advice giving.

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Let's not dig into the negativity.

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We understand a lot of you are going to have some hard season and you want to just share

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about it and be vulnerable with this.

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That's great.

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You're going to have that.

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We totally get it.

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We just don't want to get on the negative train.

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and like validate that negativity

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to the point that it's unhealthy.

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Okay, we wanna be uplifting and encouraging.

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We can share in the, like the sorrow that sometimes

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and the discouragement that it can bring.

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But again, we wanna really, really focus on that positivity

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and what we can do and then like leaning on Jesus,

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what he really, really can do for us, okay?

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So be encouraging.

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Come to as many live check-ins as you possibly can

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during your four to five weeks in phase two.

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I know it's a short season

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that really is designated for you.

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So this is where you get that extra support.

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So utilize that to your benefit.

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Now, some of you, I say four to five weeks

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and some of you might be freaking out right now

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and being like, oh my gosh, I don't know

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if I'm gonna be able to get through all this content

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and the dating and all that thing,

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all the things in four to five weeks, which is totally okay.

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We know that you ladies have lives, things come up.

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So if you get through the content

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at a little bit of a slower pace,

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it's totally fine.

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We'll start looking if you've been here

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for more than two or three months,

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we may just encourage you

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and nudge you a little bit out the nest.

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But don't feel so much pressure

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to like rush through things either.

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Use this program at, do it at your own pace, okay?

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But really do try to stick to one a week,

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one video a week and going to the live calls

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and as many prayer calls as possible.

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I also really encourage you ladies,

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if you can't make Saturday Supernatural Saturday

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and any of the prayer calls,

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like even on the Sunday ones that we post those in replay,

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take a listen to those.

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There's some really amazing things

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like I can't always get on on Saturdays and Sundays,

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but during the week I do try to jump in

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even when I'm just driving in the car,

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like after I've dropped my kids off at school

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or if I have to sit in car line,

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I'm sitting there for an hour anyway,

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I might as well be filled with what is being declared over

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in those prayer calls.

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So I definitely encourage you,

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you may not be able to make those live,

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but do your best to get those replays going, okay?

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And last but not least,

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navigating the app on the phone and in the desktop.

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Be sure to check out the resource and training tabs

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that Spirit Mate Match and Affiliate Info

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is in the resource tab, okay?

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So there's actually even a great five minute video

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about how to navigate that.

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If you haven't watched it already, please do.

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It's called, I think it's like tech training app.

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I think it's like five or eight minutes even,

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but it really does help you how to navigate

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through the app, okay?

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So please, please, please check it out.

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Just to let you ladies know,

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we will not take any of your questions and email

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about the Spirit Mate Match or the affiliate program, okay?

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If you send us emails about those things,

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we are not gonna be able to respond to you

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because all the information that you need

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is in the resource tab, okay?

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So we understand that there was a glitch

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with the affiliate link that is back up and running.

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So if you want to get some cash in your pocket

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and share all the great things

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that happened in this community

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with some of your other single friends,

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then you can get some cash in your pocket.

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You just set up that affiliate link, okay?

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So do that this week.

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Same thing with the Spirit Mate Match.

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Go ahead and fill that out.

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We've opened it up for you phase two ladies

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so that you can get in on all that action as well.

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We're only doing that for phase two, phase three

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and the men's group right now, okay?

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So be sure to check out the resource tab, okay?

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All right, I've covered all the housekeeping stuff.

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So let's go ahead and move into our teaching for the week.

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Before I do, Kelly, I see since you only have the app now,

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how can you go back and watch part work videos?

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It's always good to go back

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and realign with the content in the portal.

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We could always go back.

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So actually, if you go in the replay section,

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like I can go in right now.

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That replay, it has so, I mean, it goes all the way back

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if you go in the replays.

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Like if you can see, like I have all these replays, okay?

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So, and then of course my thing wants to time out.

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But they are there for you, okay?

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So definitely check that out, all right?

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And I like that you,

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I like that you wanna go back and rewatch things.

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I always do that,

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especially even with Supernatural Saturday.

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I've actually watched the last couple of weeks

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of Supernatural Saturday.

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I've listened to that a couple of times.

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Always get new information from those.

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So,

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Yes, if things are blanking out in the new app, if you're using your phone, I will encourage you, I find my desktop version to actually give me less headache.

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Right now, so I switch desktop only for you. Okay, is it still blanking out for you on the desktop.

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Yeah, it doesn't show anything. I didn't check it this morning but I checked it yesterday and I sent something to the tech, the contact support.

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Perfect. Yeah, this is still a new app for us. And so there are just it again it's in beta, there's going to be glitches like everything I mean even, even in the App Store, with all the other high tech apps I can't tell you even Facebook sometimes

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has glitches for me. It's just a process so we're working on those things. And if you're on a desktop, can you, can you access the, can you download it on your smartphone.

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I know my phone isn't all that smart anymore. So,

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but I think you're, you're doing that like you're doing the right thing, send it to the tech and do and do the best that you can with that.

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Refresh stuff that they were talking about either so. Yeah, well I will, you know, I'm going to make a note right now and I will touch base with our team, and just, I'm, I know they're, they're in behind the scenes working diligently to correct some of that so just

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practice patience and grace right now I know like I have to do it too. I had to do it this morning when I was getting in, trying to look at roll call and all that kind of stuff. Just patience and grace right now is, is, I just

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I really liked watching the replay videos because I went back quite far and it actually was really good. Yes, it is it is always good stuff I mean there's always such great things that you can you, it's like sometimes you're like I don't remember hearing that and now you're

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hearing with fresh ears. So it's, it's definitely good. Okay, Kelly, you're thinking of the lessons not supernatural activations and lessons so all your all your training materials should be available to you for phase two.

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And then you should have some of phase one for a little bit.

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And then eventually phase one will go away and then ideally once you shift into phase three you'll have access to phase two for a little bit, and phase three and then eventually that phase two content will disappear and you'll have the phase three so I, again, like, just take

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a few minutes. That's what I do is a lot of times I just jot down notes and and can be refreshed of what I've heard so if you've watched it a couple times, just jot down notes and things like that and refer back to some of your journaling.

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Okay.

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So let's go ahead and get into our teaching for the week because like I said this is a lot.

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There's a lot of really good stuff. We are covering the boundaries video which is the last video of your content so if you haven't watched it don't don't freak out it's totally fine.

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And then when you watch it. If you're taking notes now, you can refer back to those notes during this call while you're watching.

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Also keep in mind that when you do watch that boundaries video, there is a PowerPoint that goes with it I highly encourage you to watch the video while you have that PowerPoint up and that PowerPoint is there for you can download it you can have it you can print it out so that you can refer back to so Kelly that might even be helpful to some of that content that you get in phase two.

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If there's printouts print those things out save them to your desktop so that you have access to them. Okay, so boundaries. All right, so what are boundaries and what do they offer so the best analogy for boundaries in my opinion is that they're, they're not walls but their fences with gate.

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Okay, and they really do define and protect us. That's what they're there for if there is a protection and it's there to define what's important to us what really matters. Okay.

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So in the video, Renee does an amazing job of just really breaking down some really great things about it and she talked about Hartman Hartman trauma triangle.

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And in fact, like we all can be these things at some point in our lives. So what I mean by that is there's three types of like boundary busters or like unhealthy ways that we can show up, and it can just cause drama.

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And so a lot of times like when I'm talking about this stuff and as you're watching that boundaries videos. Don't just look at it in a lens of how other people have been maybe like, oh yeah I know this person, they're the they're the controller they're the persecutor or oh yeah this person's always the victim.

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Think about it in your lens as well.

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Look at it from both sides of the coin

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because we all can be these things

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at some point in our life.

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So the first one I'm gonna talk about

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is that persecutor controller.

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So this can show up in an aggressive way,

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which is if there's an aggressive controller,

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they're not listening, they're running all over people

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and they don't accept people for who they are.

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So that one sometimes can be pretty heavy.

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Like it's pretty intense and it never feels good, right?

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It's aggressive.

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It's just, if you're someone that is a quieter person,

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that aggressor can even really set you off, okay?

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But then we sometimes can show up like that as well,

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where we're not listening to people,

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we're running over them,

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we're not accepting people as they are.

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Sometimes that can show up in dating.

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We go on dates with these guys, we're in level two

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and they don't meet our expectations

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and so we're ready to be kind of critical of them, right?

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So just be mindful of that.

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Another way a controller can show up

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is a manipulative controller.

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Now, this is when people are seducing,

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they're very persuasive,

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they'll persuade people away from their boundary, okay?

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So sometimes we might show up in that way, all right?

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If you watch that Divine Feminine video,

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Jackie talks about the Divine Feminine,

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but she also shares some dark, toxic feminine traits as well

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and seduction and manipulation is one of the ways

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that we can show up in a toxic, dark feminine

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because of the curse, right?

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The things that have happened to us, right?

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So keep that in mind.

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The next one is that victim.

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That victim, they will blame and complain, all right?

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They don't take ownership, they want others to do for them.

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So you might have times with that

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where it's everything else,

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it's all the guys that I'm dating,

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this is how they're showing up.

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I'm never finding dates, you're complaining

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or you find yourself in relationships

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where all people wanna do is just complain

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and take no ownership and don't put action for themselves,

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okay?

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So just be mindful of those types of things

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and as you're watching that boundaries video,

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Renee does amazing job of really digging deep

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on all of those things.

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So I'm just giving you just brief highlights, okay?

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Then the last one is that rescuer helper.

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So this is where that codependency can come up, okay?

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So if you are a rescuer helper

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and you're acting in a codependent way,

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you feel that you are responsible for others, all right?

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Instead of being responsible to others,

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which would be more of the emphatic,

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I can never say this word, I apologize, emphatic.

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I still don't think I'm saying that right,

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but you get it, you have empathy for others, okay?

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You're not responsible for other people, okay?

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You can't do for them, you can't look at like,

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okay, if they don't do what I want them to do,

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then it wrecks havoc in you.

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That's when you are acting in codependency

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because you are responsible for them.

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And if they're not doing what they're supposed to be doing,

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then you can't do for yourself.

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And then you go into that victim, right?

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And then you might turn into the aggressor.

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You might be manipulative

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or just really harsh with people, okay?

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So that's where that triangle can really get you

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and it can just, it's like a strangulation, really.

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So you wanna be responsible to others,

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you wanna show empathy and understanding,

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you wanna act in your best nature

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so that you're showing up to be someone that's healthy,

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right, and be responsible to that.

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But if people are not choosing that,

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you don't have to be responsible for that, okay?

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So now we're gonna talk a little bit

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about like how to do healthy confrontation.

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So believe it or not, like we all,

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like confrontation can be good, all right?

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It can be good.

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You're gonna have confrontation in your life

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and it can be healthy.

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So some key points to remember

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when you're having healthy confrontation

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is to don't raise your voice,

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don't attack, don't blame.

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Speak in an inviting manner.

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Know your goals and determine

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if they are healthy and helpful.

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Lean into some of those negative emotions, okay?

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It's okay to have negative emotions,

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so lean into that

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and be willing to have those tough conversations.

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But if you're doing that

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and you're doing those first three things

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where you're not attacking, blaming, raising your voice,

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you're inviting someone with your nature

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and you wanna be healthy and helpful,

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if you're using those.

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your key focus, then you can really lean into those negative emotions and have those tough

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conversations.

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All right, ladies, I will assure you this is important stuff to learn now while you're

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single and you're dating because in marriage, you're going to have conflict.

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You are, you're living like you are one with somebody.

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So this can be a growing opportunity.

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So I will encourage you ladies, do as much growing as you can now in these areas so that

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when you do have those healthy confrontation in your marriage, you're doing it well and

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successfully.

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Practice it now.

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Practice those healthy boundaries and those healthy confrontations now.

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Learn how to listen and have courage to be curious about things.

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You know, one thing that I struggle with is I assume and I just blow things completely

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out of proportion.

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I overreact in my emotions.

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I use my, I think my emotions are more facts than they are just feelings.

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And so a lot of times I forget to ask for clarification and like come with curiosity.

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And then don't go in to a confrontation or a conflict looking for them to determine your

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self-worth.

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Okay?

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You may have conflict or confrontation with somebody and it may not go in your favor.

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It may not go in a healthy way.

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But if it does, if it does that, then you'll still be grounded with your self-worth because

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you can't control people.

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Okay?

402
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Next thing we're going to cover is getting your pies in order.

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So that's an acronym and it's stands for physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual.

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00:27:03.160 --> 00:27:09.040
So in order to have those healthy boundaries and then practice even healthy confrontation,

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it's important to make sure that those four areas are in healthy order within yourself.

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Okay?

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Those are things that you can control.

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You can control those things in yourself.

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So the first one is your physical, that's, are you drinking water?

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Are you eating whole foods?

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Are you moving?

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Are you focused on your health?

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Cause if your physical health is not in order, it can still, it will create havoc in your

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life.

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Okay?

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It doesn't have to be perfection.

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It just, you're working towards that.

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Those are things that you're focused on.

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The next one is that intellectual.

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Do you have a teachable spirit?

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Are you willing to learn and grow?

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Maybe it is learning new things.

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How are you stimulating your brain and showing up?

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Okay?

425
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That can help.

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Your emotional, all right?

427
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This is how are you handling your stress, your time, your schedule, the capacity of

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00:28:08.120 --> 00:28:11.120
what's going on in your life and your emotion.

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Are those things staying in order?

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00:28:14.440 --> 00:28:20.720
I know when I'm not doing that, oh my goodness, my boundaries are all over the place.

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And I'm usually acting out in those three, the controller, the victim, and then the like

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codependent helper.

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So if I'm not keeping those things in check along with my spiritual, which is like your

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00:28:36.720 --> 00:28:41.040
alone time with God, like your worship, are you in the word?

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Is there discipleship happening in your life?

436
00:28:44.200 --> 00:28:46.000
Is there community serving?

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How are you aligning yourself with God so that you stay centered in him?

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Okay?

439
00:28:54.960 --> 00:29:01.200
And then the last thing I want to cover is boundaries at level two and level three relationships.

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Okay?

441
00:29:02.200 --> 00:29:07.880
So some of the boundaries that I used when I was dating is, and the one thing that we

442
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encourage you ladies to do is, um, not having the physical contact.

443
00:29:16.840 --> 00:29:18.720
Okay.

444
00:29:18.720 --> 00:29:23.520
I made a choice that I was not kissing anyone in level two.

445
00:29:23.520 --> 00:29:27.600
That was important to me because I needed to create a boundary.

446
00:29:27.600 --> 00:29:35.440
And I did that because I knew from my past and all the patterns that I had is that I

447
00:29:35.440 --> 00:29:45.280
jumped into the physical so quickly that I never saw the red flags.

448
00:29:45.280 --> 00:29:49.520
And I'd see the red flags and I'd say, Oh, maybe they're yellow.

449
00:29:49.520 --> 00:29:54.360
Maybe they're like light green.

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00:29:54.360 --> 00:30:12.480
And so I knew that once that physical connection happened and I got excited, I knew I was going

451
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:06.360
And, you know, maybe, and another thing is I just made a choice to really practice not

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00:30:06.360 --> 00:30:14.840
oversharing, not dumping all my drama and trauma from past relationships and, you know,

453
00:30:14.840 --> 00:30:20.680
all of the intense, deep conversation, because that's when I really, like if I did the physical

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and then I got like intellectually, emotionally attached, like I was tore up from the floor

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up when the guy would ghost me, or things didn't work out.

456
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And it just left me in this state of discouraged and hopelessness.

457
00:30:36.320 --> 00:30:39.360
And I do oftentimes see that here in this community.

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Okay, it's not just the ladies that are here in phase two with us now.

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It's in the past, and it will continue to probably happen in the future for all the

460
00:30:47.680 --> 00:30:54.140
other ladies that come in from phase two is it's so easy when we do not have healthy boundaries

461
00:30:54.140 --> 00:30:58.580
that we can fall into that discouragement and hopelessness.

462
00:30:58.580 --> 00:31:00.260
Okay.

463
00:31:00.260 --> 00:31:06.980
And then another thing that I also really made an important boundary for me was, and

464
00:31:06.980 --> 00:31:13.660
we really strongly encourage all of you ladies to do this, is when you're going out and you're

465
00:31:13.660 --> 00:31:18.020
dating, especially when these people are still strangers, like, yes, you may be messaging

466
00:31:18.020 --> 00:31:20.020
a little bit back and forth.

467
00:31:20.020 --> 00:31:23.380
And you know, if you were like me, I didn't always not overshare.

468
00:31:23.380 --> 00:31:24.380
Okay.

469
00:31:24.380 --> 00:31:26.780
Well, I didn't do it perfectly.

470
00:31:26.780 --> 00:31:27.980
Okay.

471
00:31:27.980 --> 00:31:34.180
And I just would get comfortable with giving, I gave a guy my address one time to come pick

472
00:31:34.180 --> 00:31:35.180
me up.

473
00:31:35.180 --> 00:31:38.060
I had never gone on a date with this guy.

474
00:31:38.060 --> 00:31:46.460
Ladies do not, okay, repeat, do not invite a man to your house that you don't know.

475
00:31:46.460 --> 00:31:47.460
Okay.

476
00:31:48.380 --> 00:31:50.340
And don't go to his house.

477
00:31:50.340 --> 00:31:51.540
Okay.

478
00:31:51.540 --> 00:31:56.300
It's just a way of keeping yourself protected and creating a healthy boundary.

479
00:31:56.300 --> 00:31:57.300
Okay.

480
00:31:57.300 --> 00:31:59.980
Super, super, super important.

481
00:31:59.980 --> 00:32:00.980
Okay.

482
00:32:00.980 --> 00:32:05.900
Keeping those healthy boundaries and same thing with, you know, we talk about no sex,

483
00:32:05.900 --> 00:32:08.980
no sex, don't even talk about sex in level two.

484
00:32:08.980 --> 00:32:10.580
Shouldn't be talking about sex a little too.

485
00:32:10.580 --> 00:32:15.940
Because as soon as you open the sex chapter and the like that file, like, guess what?

486
00:32:15.940 --> 00:32:21.180
That's all y'all going to be talking about that at times.

487
00:32:21.180 --> 00:32:24.900
Like I can assure you ladies, and I'm going to talk about this in a little bit, even some

488
00:32:24.900 --> 00:32:29.420
more in a more depth, but I just want to talk about it now because it does correlate with

489
00:32:29.420 --> 00:32:37.380
our boundaries is healthy men, healthy men that will respect and protect those boundaries.

490
00:32:37.380 --> 00:32:39.980
Those are the kinds of men that you want to attract.

491
00:32:39.980 --> 00:32:42.900
Those are the men that are destined to be your spirit mate.

492
00:32:42.900 --> 00:32:43.900
Okay.

493
00:32:44.060 --> 00:32:45.620
I say this story almost every week.

494
00:32:45.620 --> 00:32:46.620
All right.

495
00:32:46.620 --> 00:32:50.820
So if you've been on my calls before, you know what I want to say on the first date

496
00:32:50.820 --> 00:32:56.060
with my husband, he asked to kiss me and I told him, no, didn't mean I didn't want to.

497
00:32:56.060 --> 00:32:58.020
Like I was like, there's something going on here.

498
00:32:58.020 --> 00:32:59.020
I really like him.

499
00:32:59.020 --> 00:33:00.020
All right.

500
00:33:00.020 --> 00:33:02.020
At first I didn't think he was super attractive until I met him in person.

501
00:33:02.020 --> 00:33:03.740
I was like, Ooh, this is interesting.

502
00:33:03.740 --> 00:33:06.220
You know, but I still was like, you know what?

503
00:33:06.220 --> 00:33:08.740
I'm not in a committed level three relationship.

504
00:33:08.740 --> 00:33:12.060
I am not going to have, I'm not going to cross that physical boundary.

505
00:33:12.060 --> 00:33:13.420
And so I didn't.

506
00:33:13.460 --> 00:33:14.460
I didn't kiss him.

507
00:33:14.460 --> 00:33:15.460
And I still joke with him.

508
00:33:15.460 --> 00:33:19.060
Like I told him, no, I mean, I literally was like, absolutely not.

509
00:33:19.060 --> 00:33:20.860
And he respected that ladies.

510
00:33:20.860 --> 00:33:28.220
And I'm telling you that like my attraction for him in that moment even grew even more.

511
00:33:28.220 --> 00:33:33.060
And it wasn't in this, like, it was more in an emotional, like I felt safe and secure

512
00:33:33.060 --> 00:33:34.060
with him.

513
00:33:34.060 --> 00:33:39.420
Like, that's one of the things that I was like, Oh, I really like, I like that and got

514
00:33:39.420 --> 00:33:40.540
to know him more.

515
00:33:40.540 --> 00:33:42.420
And we grew in that.

516
00:33:42.420 --> 00:33:48.900
And eventually when we had the exclusive level three conversation, he asked me to be his

517
00:33:48.900 --> 00:33:50.820
girlfriend.

518
00:33:50.820 --> 00:33:55.620
Then I felt confident and comfortable to go ahead and proceed.

519
00:33:55.620 --> 00:34:00.460
But you know what he also did is he, he didn't assume just because we were in a committed

520
00:34:00.460 --> 00:34:03.940
level three exclusive relationship that I was ready for it.

521
00:34:03.940 --> 00:34:07.620
He allowed me to pace that he respected my boundary.

522
00:34:07.620 --> 00:34:08.620
Okay.

523
00:34:08.699 --> 00:34:13.739
And then when you step into those level three relationships, that's when the topic of sex

524
00:34:13.739 --> 00:34:16.260
can come into play.

525
00:34:16.260 --> 00:34:22.580
That's where you, you know, as you're stepping into that, as, as men lead that, that conversation,

526
00:34:22.580 --> 00:34:26.620
that that topic comes out on the table.

527
00:34:26.620 --> 00:34:27.620
Okay.

528
00:34:27.620 --> 00:34:29.659
We're stepping the exclusive relationship.

529
00:34:29.659 --> 00:34:31.460
What does this look like?

530
00:34:31.460 --> 00:34:34.860
You know, you put out on the table, look, I am waiting for marriage.

531
00:34:34.860 --> 00:34:36.420
It's important to me.

532
00:34:36.420 --> 00:34:41.020
And some like ladies, I'm just going to be honest with you for some relationships that

533
00:34:41.020 --> 00:34:46.860
you get into with guys that you're, you know, getting to know in level two, they're going

534
00:34:46.860 --> 00:34:51.260
to say, Hmm, yeah, no, I'm open to having sex before marriage.

535
00:34:51.260 --> 00:34:58.860
Ladies, if they're telling you that, like they're being honest and it's important to

536
00:34:58.860 --> 00:34:59.860
be like,

537
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.400
Do not let that boundary down.

538
00:35:02.400 --> 00:35:04.000
If they're saying it, don't think,

539
00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:08.480
oh, well, I'll resist and it's okay.

540
00:35:08.480 --> 00:35:12.040
No, both people have to be on the same page with that.

541
00:35:12.040 --> 00:35:13.560
It's so important.

542
00:35:13.560 --> 00:35:16.020
And I know it might hurt in the moment,

543
00:35:16.020 --> 00:35:20.040
but I assure you that following in that obedience

544
00:35:20.040 --> 00:35:22.280
and stepping that and having the courage just to say,

545
00:35:22.280 --> 00:35:23.440
you know what, not right now,

546
00:35:23.440 --> 00:35:25.600
it will bless your future marriage.

547
00:35:27.000 --> 00:35:29.440
It really, really will, okay?

548
00:35:29.440 --> 00:35:31.040
I know it can be hard.

549
00:35:31.040 --> 00:35:31.880
And I know we wanna,

550
00:35:31.880 --> 00:35:34.920
I know a lot of us wanna find out in level two,

551
00:35:34.920 --> 00:35:36.280
like that first and second date.

552
00:35:36.280 --> 00:35:40.920
So what's your position on, you know, sex before marriage?

553
00:35:40.920 --> 00:35:44.960
Like, don't go so quick into that conversation.

554
00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:48.240
Allow yourself and allow that man to get to know you

555
00:35:48.240 --> 00:35:49.720
and really see what the,

556
00:35:49.720 --> 00:35:52.680
like, what does that man hold important?

557
00:35:52.680 --> 00:35:53.520
Is he protective?

558
00:35:53.520 --> 00:35:54.480
Is he providing?

559
00:35:54.480 --> 00:35:56.960
Is he divine masculine?

560
00:35:57.960 --> 00:35:59.440
And what's sacred to him?

561
00:35:59.440 --> 00:36:02.560
Because I tell you a man that is,

562
00:36:02.560 --> 00:36:05.040
cherishes the divine feminine,

563
00:36:05.040 --> 00:36:08.600
he is going to want to protect that.

564
00:36:08.600 --> 00:36:10.700
And so you'll be surprised that like,

565
00:36:10.700 --> 00:36:12.740
if you just pace yourself,

566
00:36:12.740 --> 00:36:17.000
you may be surprised with the outcome, okay?

567
00:36:17.000 --> 00:36:19.200
Hope that gives encouragement, okay?

568
00:36:19.200 --> 00:36:21.100
Just something really important to talk about.

569
00:36:21.100 --> 00:36:24.280
We are gonna dive in that in a little bit here,

570
00:36:24.280 --> 00:36:25.680
but before we do,

571
00:36:25.680 --> 00:36:28.040
I do wanna touch on some other topics

572
00:36:28.040 --> 00:36:32.400
and I wanna talk on that discouragement, okay?

573
00:36:32.400 --> 00:36:33.880
So just remember ladies,

574
00:36:33.880 --> 00:36:36.320
God is doing a work in you

575
00:36:36.320 --> 00:36:40.400
and he wants you to collect every piece that is important.

576
00:36:40.400 --> 00:36:43.600
So if you were not able to get on Saturday's call,

577
00:36:43.600 --> 00:36:45.420
we usually do Supernatural Saturday,

578
00:36:45.420 --> 00:36:47.120
but this week Jackie was traveling.

579
00:36:47.120 --> 00:36:50.120
So Bethany jumped on and she shared a word

580
00:36:50.120 --> 00:36:51.920
that God was speaking to her.

581
00:36:51.920 --> 00:36:54.520
And it was to, you know,

582
00:36:54.520 --> 00:36:58.000
God wants us to collect things with joy.

583
00:36:58.000 --> 00:37:02.480
So ladies, the struggle can and will produce abundant fruit

584
00:37:02.480 --> 00:37:03.740
when he is your source.

585
00:37:04.600 --> 00:37:07.240
There is struggle in your single season.

586
00:37:07.240 --> 00:37:10.080
I had struggle in my season season.

587
00:37:10.080 --> 00:37:12.280
Many of you ladies have shared your struggles

588
00:37:12.280 --> 00:37:13.740
in the single season.

589
00:37:13.740 --> 00:37:15.760
I see a lot of discouragement coming up

590
00:37:15.760 --> 00:37:17.480
in the roll call and our posts.

591
00:37:17.480 --> 00:37:20.320
It does happen, but I want to ensure you,

592
00:37:20.320 --> 00:37:24.240
God puts you here on purpose in this community

593
00:37:24.240 --> 00:37:28.800
because he knows what he has for you, okay?

594
00:37:28.800 --> 00:37:30.640
So he's doing a good work in you

595
00:37:30.640 --> 00:37:33.560
and he wants you to collect things along the way

596
00:37:33.560 --> 00:37:34.800
in this single season

597
00:37:34.800 --> 00:37:38.360
as you prepare for your spirit mate, okay?

598
00:37:38.360 --> 00:37:41.960
But just trust that in the struggle,

599
00:37:41.960 --> 00:37:46.520
there can and there will be an abundant fruit, okay?

600
00:37:46.520 --> 00:37:48.960
Especially when he is your source.

601
00:37:48.960 --> 00:37:52.040
So last week, I talked a lot about rocky soil

602
00:37:52.920 --> 00:37:55.520
because my husband and I went to Napa

603
00:37:55.520 --> 00:37:57.920
for our one year anniversary.

604
00:37:57.920 --> 00:38:01.120
And we were seeing all the different soil.

605
00:38:01.120 --> 00:38:04.720
And one of the gentlemen that was giving us a tour

606
00:38:04.720 --> 00:38:09.000
of one of the wineries talked about that rocky soil

607
00:38:09.000 --> 00:38:11.680
can put stress on that grapevine,

608
00:38:11.680 --> 00:38:16.240
but it's that stress that causes there to be

609
00:38:16.240 --> 00:38:18.480
a deeper search for nutrients

610
00:38:18.480 --> 00:38:21.600
that impacts the abundance and the intensity of the fruit.

611
00:38:22.800 --> 00:38:24.400
And I mean, when I heard that,

612
00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:28.120
like ladies, Holy Spirit goosebumps were all over my body.

613
00:38:28.120 --> 00:38:30.320
And I really truly believe that

614
00:38:30.320 --> 00:38:31.920
it continues to keep coming up

615
00:38:31.920 --> 00:38:34.800
because I don't think I know that

616
00:38:34.800 --> 00:38:37.760
that's the word that God wants to give you all as well.

617
00:38:37.760 --> 00:38:40.520
All right, this is at times a struggle.

618
00:38:40.520 --> 00:38:42.600
I get it, I've been there,

619
00:38:42.600 --> 00:38:45.760
but just know as you continue to grow deeper

620
00:38:45.760 --> 00:38:47.760
in your relationship with the Lord

621
00:38:47.760 --> 00:38:52.160
and you seek his nutrients that he has for you,

622
00:38:52.160 --> 00:38:54.600
that fruit that will come will be abundant,

623
00:38:54.600 --> 00:38:56.800
it will be juicy, it will be sweet,

624
00:38:56.800 --> 00:38:59.120
it will be beautiful, all right?

625
00:38:59.120 --> 00:39:00.960
It makes the best wine.

626
00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:03.600
And even then, it's the timing, right?

627
00:39:03.600 --> 00:39:06.840
Like those of you that know a little bit about wine,

628
00:39:06.840 --> 00:39:08.440
it has to age.

629
00:39:08.440 --> 00:39:11.760
As it ages, it grows in a deeper flavor.

630
00:39:11.760 --> 00:39:16.280
So there is sometimes that process

631
00:39:16.280 --> 00:39:18.720
that you have to take some time

632
00:39:18.720 --> 00:39:23.240
before it really captures what flavor

633
00:39:23.240 --> 00:39:24.360
that it wants to bring out.

634
00:39:24.360 --> 00:39:26.720
You don't want it too soon.

635
00:39:26.720 --> 00:39:30.360
You don't wanna drink the wine too soon, it's yucky, okay?

636
00:39:30.360 --> 00:39:32.040
So don't rush it.

637
00:39:32.040 --> 00:39:33.080
I feel Holy Spirit on this.

638
00:39:33.080 --> 00:39:35.560
I don't want you ladies to rush in this season.

639
00:39:35.560 --> 00:39:38.160
So many of you ladies I always see come into phase two,

640
00:39:38.160 --> 00:39:40.400
like you're ready to hit the ground running.

641
00:39:40.400 --> 00:39:41.520
Not everybody.

642
00:39:41.520 --> 00:39:42.840
Some people wanna like take their time,

643
00:39:42.840 --> 00:39:43.840
but there are some of you

644
00:39:43.840 --> 00:39:45.400
that wanna hit the ground running.

645
00:39:45.400 --> 00:39:46.680
And the first guy that you date,

646
00:39:46.680 --> 00:39:48.720
you are just like, this is my husband.

647
00:39:48.720 --> 00:39:50.320
And then the disappointment sets in

648
00:39:50.320 --> 00:39:51.840
because it didn't work out that way.

649
00:39:51.840 --> 00:39:53.440
You wanted it to happen too fast.

650
00:39:53.440 --> 00:39:55.400
Ladies, you don't wanna drink wine

651
00:39:55.400 --> 00:39:57.520
that's not been aged for a little while.

652
00:39:57.520 --> 00:39:59.360
It's nasty, all right?

653
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.120
So it's okay to allow the process to take time. Soak in what the Lord wants you to collect in

654
00:40:07.120 --> 00:40:12.560
this season and do it with joy, okay? Because some of you all are still relying on your own strength

655
00:40:13.280 --> 00:40:18.000
and it's time to release that pen and it's time to start practice being God-defended

656
00:40:18.000 --> 00:40:23.200
and not self-defended, okay? So what that looks like, again, it's in level two relationships,

657
00:40:23.200 --> 00:40:29.760
it's going too deep too quick. It's hitting the ground running. It's you had one great conversation

658
00:40:30.560 --> 00:40:34.400
on the phone or in text message and like you're already planning your wedding in your head.

659
00:40:35.840 --> 00:40:43.360
I did that. I say it because I did it, y'all. So, you know, don't go in those deep,

660
00:40:43.360 --> 00:40:49.200
too deep, too quick conversations or, you know, you jump into, you know, the first date. The first

661
00:40:49.360 --> 00:40:56.560
date was so magical and there was so much romance, right? No, slow down, ladies. It's okay to slow

662
00:40:56.560 --> 00:41:01.920
down. It doesn't mean that there cannot be supernatural exhilaration, but I will assure

663
00:41:01.920 --> 00:41:07.520
you, ladies, it is divine and it will be supernatural. It's not going to be explainable

664
00:41:07.520 --> 00:41:15.680
and it doesn't happen very often, okay? It's usually a process. Some of you are even like

665
00:41:15.680 --> 00:41:21.200
searching for reasons for it not to work. Some of you all are like making it like rainbows and

666
00:41:21.200 --> 00:41:26.320
butterflies like this is the perfect relationship and then when a guy like cuts out, y'all are left

667
00:41:26.320 --> 00:41:32.560
disappointed and hopeless, right? Some of you are so scared that you're looking for all the reasons

668
00:41:32.560 --> 00:41:38.560
for the nice guy to not be it. Ladies, you don't have to decide right away. You just don't, okay?

669
00:41:38.560 --> 00:41:43.120
Some of you are even digging in the Facebook files.

670
00:41:45.360 --> 00:41:50.800
Raise your hand if you've been guilty of going on and going in like, you know, being detective.

671
00:41:50.800 --> 00:41:55.520
I'm gonna go through and I'm gonna search through. Ladies, you will find stuff because if you're

672
00:41:55.520 --> 00:42:01.680
looking for it, you're gonna find it, all right? So rest assured you're God defended, okay? He will

673
00:42:01.680 --> 00:42:06.400
let you know what you need to know when you need to know it. You don't have to go digging through

674
00:42:06.400 --> 00:42:11.200
those Facebook files. You don't even need to dig through the X files. Nobody wants to go through

675
00:42:11.200 --> 00:42:17.760
the X files. There's just no. You're level two. You don't need to go there, okay? That stuff

676
00:42:17.760 --> 00:42:21.440
doesn't come out until you've gotten to really know them and they've gotten to really know you.

677
00:42:21.440 --> 00:42:28.480
Then you can have in that level three entering to level four engagement. Then you have that time

678
00:42:29.040 --> 00:42:34.720
to have those kind of talks and then like I said, having those sex talks super early,

679
00:42:35.680 --> 00:42:41.440
you know, again, I just want to refer you ladies back to dating 101 video, you know, try not to

680
00:42:41.440 --> 00:42:47.520
have the sex talks until the man initiates a level three exclusive combo, okay? Because level two is

681
00:42:47.520 --> 00:42:53.200
just about discovering dating. Remind yourself and think to yourself, if this ends tomorrow,

682
00:42:53.840 --> 00:42:59.920
I don't want to be tore up from the floor up, okay? If you find yourself in this pattern that

683
00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:06.000
you go on these dates early on in level two and then all of a sudden if it doesn't work out,

684
00:43:06.000 --> 00:43:10.720
some of you are coming in like I'm hopeless. I'm discouraged. It didn't work out the way that I

685
00:43:10.720 --> 00:43:19.600
wanted to. Ladies, it's holding things loosely, okay? So practice those things. Really lean on

686
00:43:19.600 --> 00:43:27.440
the Lord because he does want to give you good, good gifts and allow you to collect good,

687
00:43:27.440 --> 00:43:34.480
joyful things, okay? So let's actually have that sex talk, okay? I wonder if this maybe

688
00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:38.880
is why not a lot of people are on today. Don't worry. It's a replay. We're going to talk about

689
00:43:38.880 --> 00:43:45.360
it. All right. So it's interesting enough. I was thinking about this and I was looking up

690
00:43:45.360 --> 00:43:54.240
some of Jackie's insight on sex and dating and relationships and she's like, she will tell you

691
00:43:54.240 --> 00:44:01.440
nothing good can come out of sex and relationships and believe it or not, this time last year,

692
00:44:03.120 --> 00:44:08.160
she made a post on Instagram about this. It was actually September 26th of 2023

693
00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:15.040
and she shares the three reasons sex will ruin a dating relationship. So the first reason,

694
00:44:15.040 --> 00:44:20.480
disconnection. Sex in a dating relationship will always breed disconnection, distrust,

695
00:44:20.480 --> 00:44:26.960
and resentment. Statistics back it up and life experience will prove it. Sex outside of covenant

696
00:44:26.960 --> 00:44:34.880
and commitment is just messy, okay? Lack of clarity is your second reason. Once you have sex,

697
00:44:34.880 --> 00:44:42.240
getting to know someone in a level-headed way is out of the window. This oxytocin hit causes people

698
00:44:42.240 --> 00:44:49.120
to overlook huge red flags and many people get stuck in unhealthy, abusive long-term relationships

699
00:44:49.120 --> 00:44:55.120
or what we like to call here at Last Year Single is situationships, okay? Because there's blind

700
00:44:55.120 --> 00:44:59.840
spots that having sex creates. Ladies, especially for us,

701
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:10.320
women. It is like biological, our brain literally releases an endorphin and a connection, like it

702
00:45:10.320 --> 00:45:21.040
links us to this person. Okay. And then we're blind. I like I attest, I admit I struggled with

703
00:45:21.040 --> 00:45:31.840
this, right? I have a, my youngest was my birth baby was conceived out of wedlock. I never married

704
00:45:31.840 --> 00:45:40.080
his father and there was a lot of red flags. I didn't see him though. And once I got pregnant

705
00:45:40.080 --> 00:45:47.760
and got into the rut of it, it was very, very bad. And, um, he ended up leaving me seven months

706
00:45:47.760 --> 00:45:54.720
pregnant. It was a blessing. Honestly, I didn't see it at the time. It like wrecked me. It caused

707
00:45:54.720 --> 00:46:05.200
a lot of heart wounds, but I had to own my side of the street that I allowed myself to cross a line

708
00:46:05.200 --> 00:46:09.920
that just didn't need to be crossed. Okay. And, and God still blessed me through that. Like I have

709
00:46:09.920 --> 00:46:16.720
a beautiful baby out of it, beautiful son. And you know, so there's no shame ladies. Okay. I say this

710
00:46:16.720 --> 00:46:23.920
because you like, we all have made mistakes. I made mistakes in this area. We're all grown women.

711
00:46:23.920 --> 00:46:29.520
I'm sure there's a lot of us that probably relate to, you know, making some of those same mistakes,

712
00:46:29.520 --> 00:46:34.800
just know like your story isn't over. You know, if you've made mistakes in this area of your life,

713
00:46:34.800 --> 00:46:39.200
it's not too late to go into a different direction. So there is still hope for a healthy,

714
00:46:39.200 --> 00:46:43.600
thriving relationship and a marriage in your future. And I can attest to that personally.

715
00:46:44.240 --> 00:46:51.600
Okay. And then the third reason is prior, you prioritize the wrong thing.

716
00:46:52.480 --> 00:46:57.920
So when sexual intimacy is the foundation of the relationship, because you had sex too early,

717
00:46:59.120 --> 00:47:03.040
other vital areas of connections suffer and will never develop to its full extent.

718
00:47:03.680 --> 00:47:09.520
Okay. So that emotional intimacy pays the way for sexual intimacy, not the other way around.

719
00:47:10.320 --> 00:47:15.760
Okay. Once you go in that direction, it's really hard to get that emotional intimacy

720
00:47:15.760 --> 00:47:20.240
and that spiritual intimacy with one another. Like those things need to happen first

721
00:47:21.040 --> 00:47:25.760
before. And then that commitment, that covenant commitment relationship in marriage,

722
00:47:26.320 --> 00:47:33.520
then opens the door for healthy sexual intimacy. Okay. Because if you don't, it's just,

723
00:47:34.400 --> 00:47:42.320
it's the priorities are all shifted. Okay. And ladies, I know that like we, we give these like

724
00:47:42.320 --> 00:47:47.120
feedback and I know there's sometimes it's so much discouragement because I see time and time again

725
00:47:47.680 --> 00:47:54.160
in the app, in the roll call post after post, like months after men, so many are like, Oh,

726
00:47:54.160 --> 00:47:57.520
I met this really great Christian guy, but he's not willing to wait for marriage.

727
00:47:58.480 --> 00:48:06.000
I assure you ladies, there are men out there that are willing to wait. There are. Okay. I,

728
00:48:06.000 --> 00:48:10.960
we understand the struggles, but I assure you, that's why you have this community. You have the

729
00:48:10.960 --> 00:48:16.080
support of us. We are here to encourage you. We're here to lift you up. We're here. We're here to

730
00:48:16.080 --> 00:48:21.120
help you through those things. Okay. And remind you of what God promises, not what Satan wants

731
00:48:21.200 --> 00:48:31.680
to lie to you about. Okay. So we have to practice those healthy boundaries in dating and practice

732
00:48:31.680 --> 00:48:37.600
the healthy pacing when we are dating, because I assure you when you do that, you are going to

733
00:48:37.600 --> 00:48:46.160
realize that there are men out there that are willing to wait. Okay. So I'm going to quickly

734
00:48:46.160 --> 00:48:53.040
look over here in the chat, make sure that I have not missed anything. So Kelly, I'm thinking

735
00:48:53.040 --> 00:48:56.720
of lessons, not supernatural and activations of lessons aren't in the repo. Okay. So you're

736
00:48:56.720 --> 00:49:05.360
talking about that. So, yes, go ahead and post in the community. So, cause I don't want to lose

737
00:49:05.360 --> 00:49:11.120
that, but I'm going to have conversation with the team and see what we can do, or if there's a way

738
00:49:11.120 --> 00:49:18.080
of accessing that in the future. Okay. So I hear, I hear your desire and your, and your want for that.

739
00:49:18.080 --> 00:49:26.720
So, um, we will have a conversation. Okay. Um, and then, uh, Natalie, you said your son's father left

740
00:49:26.720 --> 00:49:33.440
me as soon as I got pregnant. So I feel your girl. I assure you there is a man out there

741
00:49:34.400 --> 00:49:41.840
that is going to be willing to love your child as a father should. Okay.

742
00:49:44.560 --> 00:49:52.080
I've been there. All right. And you know, my, my son's dad is slightly in his life, not really

743
00:49:52.080 --> 00:49:59.680
fully, but, um, God bless me with a amazing husband that loves my son as his own.

744
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.840
So just know God has a way of restoring and you know what I still pray I still

745
00:50:05.840 --> 00:50:10.080
pray for my son's relationship with his biological father and I don't do it out

746
00:50:10.080 --> 00:50:15.040
of my own stuff I do it for him and sometimes that's challenging but just

747
00:50:15.040 --> 00:50:20.920
continue to keep praying for your child and know that God has a good good man to

748
00:50:20.920 --> 00:50:27.640
come into your life to do that okay all right there's not many of us here if you

749
00:50:27.640 --> 00:50:33.600
are not able to unmute will you just type in the chat because I do still want

750
00:50:33.600 --> 00:50:40.000
to do some breakouts we don't have to do it for very long is everybody able to do

751
00:50:40.000 --> 00:50:43.240
that because if so I'll put like two of you in one group and three of you in

752
00:50:43.240 --> 00:50:50.680
another I don't see anybody saying that they can't unmute

753
00:50:50.680 --> 00:50:54.840
all right Teresa says yes she's good I know Shawnee is gonna be able to unmute

754
00:50:54.840 --> 00:51:00.240
Kelly Natalie and Blessee are you all able to unmute maybe I'm not seeing it

755
00:51:00.240 --> 00:51:05.480
because my feed is not okay things okay okay you okay so Blessee you will not

756
00:51:05.480 --> 00:51:11.800
Natalie you can Kelly s are you still with us yes you can okay I'm gonna put

757
00:51:11.800 --> 00:51:16.480
two of you in a group Blessee I'm gonna put you in a group but you do not have

758
00:51:16.480 --> 00:51:22.360
to unmute I'm just gonna I'm gonna put you in the group of three so let me get

759
00:51:22.360 --> 00:51:29.520
the questions first ladies I assure you they are light-hearted okay I'm gonna

760
00:51:29.520 --> 00:51:36.160
copy them and I'm gonna paste them in our chat so you have them I hope that

761
00:51:36.160 --> 00:51:44.920
works let's see if this works I'm gonna hit send okay okay so they're not really

762
00:51:44.920 --> 00:51:50.000
like broken out one by one but you can all read them so the first one so

763
00:51:50.000 --> 00:51:54.280
Bethany shared on Saturday's prayer call that God is saying we are collecting

764
00:51:54.280 --> 00:51:58.760
things with joy and each piece is important so in your groups here in a

765
00:51:58.760 --> 00:52:02.640
moment I'm gonna break you off I want you to answer the question with your

766
00:52:02.640 --> 00:52:11.040
partner what does God want you want you to collect with joy okay so spend like

767
00:52:11.040 --> 00:52:16.360
30 seconds or so and share with your person that then the next person shares

768
00:52:16.360 --> 00:52:20.760
and then when both of you have answered that then go ahead and go into sharing

769
00:52:20.760 --> 00:52:25.200
about a goal or dream that you are working towards or could be working

770
00:52:25.200 --> 00:52:29.840
towards so maybe you are right now or you could be but I want it needs to be

771
00:52:29.840 --> 00:52:35.080
in this season and it doesn't it's not related to dating and marriage because

772
00:52:35.080 --> 00:52:39.520
we all like y'all are here okay and y'all have a goal of dating and getting

773
00:52:39.520 --> 00:52:45.080
married but what's something else that's a goal or dream of yours that you can be

774
00:52:45.080 --> 00:52:49.720
stepping into or you are stepping into right now that you are working towards

775
00:52:49.720 --> 00:52:55.520
and then share that and then the next question would be what action steps can

776
00:52:55.520 --> 00:53:01.040
or are you doing to move towards that goal so remember not in reference to

777
00:53:01.040 --> 00:53:05.720
dating or marriage but challenge yourself not to share excuses as to why

778
00:53:05.720 --> 00:53:13.400
you can okay I say that because I know there's always there's always people in

779
00:53:13.400 --> 00:53:19.400
the group I'm victim to this too I oftentimes can give you all the excuses

780
00:53:19.400 --> 00:53:23.760
of why it's not working out and why it can't all right I think sometimes I

781
00:53:23.760 --> 00:53:28.720
probably drive my husband crazy and I annoy the living you-know-what out of

782
00:53:28.720 --> 00:53:32.760
them because I'm always giving all the reasons why it can't happen why it can't

783
00:53:32.760 --> 00:53:36.840
work this is like a struggle why like no I could do this but I can't because of

784
00:53:36.840 --> 00:53:42.840
this where he's the more optimistic like glasses more full he has all the

785
00:53:42.840 --> 00:53:46.080
problem like he has all the world's problems solved a lot of times when I

786
00:53:46.080 --> 00:53:49.000
come to him and he's like well didn't just do this and I'm like well I can't

787
00:53:49.000 --> 00:53:55.120
do that this is why so refrain from giving excuses of why you can't do

788
00:53:55.120 --> 00:54:02.880
something but what can you do okay everybody knows the assignment yes or

789
00:54:02.880 --> 00:54:10.360
am I do the breakout room all right and I'm gonna give you ladies I think we

790
00:54:10.360 --> 00:54:13.480
could probably get this done in about six minutes because there's only two of

791
00:54:13.480 --> 00:54:18.720
you in a group and you know that way each of you have like less than a minute

792
00:54:18.720 --> 00:54:23.680
for each question right yeah six minutes yep okay so I think we could probably do

793
00:54:23.680 --> 00:54:27.440
it in five or six minutes and then I'll bring everybody back and then we can

794
00:54:27.440 --> 00:54:34.360
tackle some of your coaching questions okay go ahead yes perfect I got lessee

795
00:54:34.360 --> 00:54:39.480
is in a room of three so you can still listen but I know that you're not gonna

796
00:54:39.480 --> 00:54:44.240
be able to unmute okay so I'm gonna open the rooms so go ahead and join

797
00:54:44.240 --> 00:54:46.800
ladies

798
00:54:55.720 --> 00:55:01.920
all right so now I'm just gonna open the floor we are a small group

799
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.440
Group today, which is kind of nice. Sometimes I like it this way

800
00:55:04.480 --> 00:55:12.880
so because of that y'all have the opportunity to ask me whatever it is that you want to ask or celebrate or

801
00:55:15.120 --> 00:55:22.120
Yeah, so I'm gonna leave it to you all so who has a question or just wants to share something great

802
00:55:22.120 --> 00:55:24.120
That's happening right now. I

803
00:55:24.880 --> 00:55:29.560
Know I know there might you know, I'm sure everybody has something that they could share

804
00:55:31.000 --> 00:55:33.240
You don't everybody jump at once

805
00:55:35.480 --> 00:55:40.360
It can be about what we talked about today it can be about

806
00:55:42.080 --> 00:55:45.660
Thank You Natalie totally understand glad you could be with us appreciate it

807
00:55:47.040 --> 00:55:54.200
It can be about what we talked about today. It could be you know, what you are having come up now that you're in phase two

808
00:55:55.200 --> 00:56:01.040
Anything if you just need to share with where you're at right now, maybe you just need some encouragement

809
00:56:02.600 --> 00:56:08.380
You know that the floor is your this floor is yours this is your space. All right

810
00:56:10.440 --> 00:56:12.440
Anybody brave enough to go first

811
00:56:14.760 --> 00:56:16.760
Teresa thank you

812
00:56:17.040 --> 00:56:22.920
How are you? What's what's going on? What do you want to share with us? Okay. Well, I was talking about the

813
00:56:23.760 --> 00:56:30.200
Things with joy and what I'm supposed to collect with joy and that I'm having trouble

814
00:56:31.200 --> 00:56:32.400
and

815
00:56:32.400 --> 00:56:34.520
I can relate. Yeah

816
00:56:36.320 --> 00:56:40.160
I'm not excited. I really am not so

817
00:56:41.280 --> 00:56:43.280
Yeah, yeah

818
00:56:43.720 --> 00:56:47.760
Well, that's where I think you know, it doesn't always have like there's other

819
00:56:48.640 --> 00:56:52.080
There's other times like I don't want it. How do I want to put this?

820
00:56:53.880 --> 00:56:55.480
I

821
00:56:55.480 --> 00:56:59.120
First of all, I think I can probably relate to you. I

822
00:56:59.720 --> 00:57:02.300
Don't know where and you can share with me

823
00:57:02.880 --> 00:57:07.200
How is it? Is it the fact that maybe you haven't dated in a while because that was me

824
00:57:07.200 --> 00:57:14.280
I didn't date for a really long time. So going into dating was very very scary for me. I was a single mom and

825
00:57:15.520 --> 00:57:20.960
I've been hurt a lot and I had a lot of I felt I

826
00:57:21.800 --> 00:57:26.120
Was at fault for the reason I was in the situation that I was and

827
00:57:28.880 --> 00:57:30.880
So it was very scary

828
00:57:31.560 --> 00:57:35.040
I there was you know discouragement just

829
00:57:36.120 --> 00:57:38.120
frustration

830
00:57:39.040 --> 00:57:41.040
Just all sorts of things

831
00:57:41.280 --> 00:57:44.000
but what I will share is

832
00:57:44.600 --> 00:57:50.400
That in that season just allowing myself just to take the next best step

833
00:57:51.240 --> 00:57:52.760
and care for myself

834
00:57:52.760 --> 00:57:54.760
Not even just in dating

835
00:57:54.800 --> 00:58:00.880
But just taking better care of myself and connecting in this community and building relationships

836
00:58:01.200 --> 00:58:05.440
not with men, but even with the women in this community and

837
00:58:06.240 --> 00:58:12.640
you know spending time investing in myself and the teachings and the prayer calls and just

838
00:58:13.080 --> 00:58:18.560
Absorbing the words that would be released through Jackie or other women in the community

839
00:58:19.520 --> 00:58:21.640
Grew me in such ways

840
00:58:22.560 --> 00:58:25.960
That did feel fill my life with so much joy

841
00:58:26.760 --> 00:58:31.960
So it may not even be in the dating that you'll find joy at first

842
00:58:32.880 --> 00:58:36.360
But I do believe that if you press in

843
00:58:37.640 --> 00:58:39.200
Show up

844
00:58:39.200 --> 00:58:41.200
invest in yourself

845
00:58:41.680 --> 00:58:48.040
Allow yourself to even maybe even just open up in this community and get to know other women

846
00:58:48.040 --> 00:58:51.680
That's here with you walking the same walk that you're doing

847
00:58:52.560 --> 00:58:55.240
There's so much joy that could be released over you

848
00:58:56.120 --> 00:58:58.120
please I

849
00:58:58.400 --> 00:59:05.160
Like the the relationships the friendships with the women in this community that I built

850
00:59:06.240 --> 00:59:10.120
Were some of the best fruit that I got from this program

851
00:59:11.280 --> 00:59:13.800
the closest that I had with the Lord

852
00:59:14.640 --> 00:59:16.640
because that grew and

853
00:59:16.720 --> 00:59:23.000
Then just allowing myself even to open up with some of the women in this community and finding ways to connect with them

854
00:59:23.200 --> 00:59:27.120
Like you have to remember like I joined this in like the 20 like in 2020

855
00:59:27.120 --> 00:59:31.600
And so we did everything it was like online like I was living in Florida at the time

856
00:59:31.800 --> 00:59:34.240
So we were so pretty open

857
00:59:34.400 --> 00:59:39.920
But everybody was still like not like do we go out do we not do we engage with people do we not and?

858
00:59:40.920 --> 00:59:47.080
It was a great time to be able to like it really did allow the opportunity to build

859
00:59:47.760 --> 00:59:51.240
relationship in this tech online community

860
00:59:51.440 --> 00:59:58.040
But I don't believe that just because now we're kind of on the outs like we're we're kind of in the clear from that whole

861
00:59:58.280 --> 01:00:00.280
2020 like shut down

862
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.360
and you know not having community and connection with people doesn't mean that we still can't

863
01:00:05.360 --> 01:00:10.480
connect in this online community. And once things started opening up I had built so many

864
01:00:10.480 --> 01:00:17.680
relationships and friendships with the women that I would like go travel with my youngest

865
01:00:17.680 --> 01:00:23.680
and I would just be like hey I'm traveling to Atlanta and Georgia and I'm going to the mountains

866
01:00:23.680 --> 01:00:31.680
does anybody want to like meet up and I mean I had people that were like hey why don't you come

867
01:00:31.680 --> 01:00:38.480
stay with me and like I built relationship with those with those women. We would go to baseball

868
01:00:38.480 --> 01:00:43.600
games, women would come down to Florida, we'd go to the beach, we'd hang out, we'd plan trips

869
01:00:43.600 --> 01:00:51.600
together. All right I still had friends in my community like locally but I was able to utilize

870
01:00:51.600 --> 01:00:58.560
this community to grow and collect the joy of just relationship not just with men and dating

871
01:00:58.560 --> 01:01:04.320
but relationship just in this community because you ladies you are here because God wants you here.

872
01:01:05.680 --> 01:01:12.400
It's a divine appointment. All right I like I always love hearing stories of how people found

873
01:01:12.400 --> 01:01:18.080
Jackie and how they came into her program because a lot of times it's very supernatural.

874
01:01:18.880 --> 01:01:25.280
Ladies I was in such a depression when I came into this community because I was still not working.

875
01:01:26.000 --> 01:01:31.840
I'd take my son to preschool in my pajamas, I'd come home, I'd sit on the couch and I would aimlessly

876
01:01:31.840 --> 01:01:37.520
scroll through Facebook and I would just be so depressed. I wouldn't shower for days, I'd go

877
01:01:37.520 --> 01:01:44.800
pick him up still in my pajamas like it was bad y'all it was bad and I was just like I didn't feel

878
01:01:44.800 --> 01:01:49.360
like I had community and even though I had some friends in the area it was very still very

879
01:01:49.360 --> 01:01:54.160
challenging because I wasn't working and so I thought well like I'm not doing anything productive

880
01:01:54.720 --> 01:01:59.760
and I came across this community through a Facebook app and it was the only time that

881
01:01:59.760 --> 01:02:06.080
Jackie ever did a Facebook like paid for a Facebook ad and me and several hundred other

882
01:02:06.080 --> 01:02:12.000
women came through this community and many of them I'm still really close to. So even just recently

883
01:02:12.960 --> 01:02:18.000
I had to go pick my son up from his biological father he lives in Michigan so I had to fly to

884
01:02:18.000 --> 01:02:26.240
Green Bay and one of my close friends in this community she lives in Green Bay so when I went

885
01:02:26.240 --> 01:02:30.480
up there and I stopped at the airport I didn't realize y'all Green Bay has like the tiniest

886
01:02:30.480 --> 01:02:36.160
airport that I've ever been in my entire life. Okay I was not anticipating this and she's like

887
01:02:36.160 --> 01:02:40.720
well I'll come pick you up I live 15 minutes from the airport and I'm thinking well I'm sure I can

888
01:02:41.360 --> 01:02:46.960
hang out in the airport or whatever no y'all like I'm so thankful she came and picked me up and like

889
01:02:46.960 --> 01:02:53.760
took me to her house we had lunch and like hung out like she's still one of my close friends

890
01:02:54.400 --> 01:03:00.640
in this community that I got to just visit for a couple hours like I like I don't know why all

891
01:03:00.640 --> 01:03:05.520
of a sudden I felt like I needed to share that I hope Teresa that it's blessed you in some way

892
01:03:05.520 --> 01:03:11.360
and hopes that you can feel like loved and seen and cared for in this community

893
01:03:12.080 --> 01:03:20.000
and finding joy maybe not even just in this dating like in the dating but in the season

894
01:03:20.000 --> 01:03:25.760
that you're in right now of just being in this community so I hope that's helped bless you in

895
01:03:25.760 --> 01:03:36.560
some way um I hear Jackie on that sounds fun yes yes um what's um Annie yes did that summer of

896
01:03:36.560 --> 01:03:43.680
singleness um and heard in December yes yes absolutely Annie Downs I actually one of my

897
01:03:43.680 --> 01:03:47.680
friends in this community she lives in Missouri all right actually two friends from this community

898
01:03:48.480 --> 01:03:53.280
in Missouri so like but ladies like even that I like there's women in Missouri there's women

899
01:03:53.280 --> 01:04:01.920
in Green Bay there was women in Atlanta there's um Erin Joy she's in North or South Carolina I

900
01:04:01.920 --> 01:04:07.200
think North Carolina she came to my wedding um many women from this community they were in my

901
01:04:07.200 --> 01:04:13.440
wedding Austin I live now in Dallas Fort Worth there's women here that I knew in the community

902
01:04:13.440 --> 01:04:21.200
California um Arizona there's another woman like so so many okay and it's just the women

903
01:04:21.200 --> 01:04:26.720
not even just not even guys I mean I know we all we came here for men right but you'll be

904
01:04:26.720 --> 01:04:33.520
surprised like there is such a joy in this sisterhood that is here and we're here for you

905
01:04:33.520 --> 01:04:37.520
we're here to champion for you we're here to celebrate you we're here to encourage you and

906
01:04:37.520 --> 01:04:45.360
lift you up in those seasons where maybe it's a little scary and um unsettling at times right

907
01:04:45.360 --> 01:04:49.680
there can be some unsettling and discouragement and hopelessness but you ladies you are here in

908
01:04:49.680 --> 01:04:54.480
the right right place so Kelly thank you for sharing that that because that reminded me because

909
01:04:54.480 --> 01:04:59.760
my friend in Missouri she was like loved Annie Downs and told me all about her I had no idea who

910
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.120
was. And then, yeah, like a year or so later, Jackie was on her podcast. I mean, Jackie

911
01:05:05.120 --> 01:05:09.280
backed down a lot of times. So again, it's just all those supernatural ways that you

912
01:05:09.280 --> 01:05:15.640
ladies come into this community. So, Teresa, thank you for just being vulnerable and sharing

913
01:05:15.640 --> 01:05:24.640
that. Tell me, do you feel lighter? Do you feel, was that encouraging for you? Do you

914
01:05:24.640 --> 01:05:29.160
want to talk a little more about what's going on?

915
01:05:29.160 --> 01:05:37.000
I do feel my situation is fairly different because I'm a widow. So, yeah.

916
01:05:37.000 --> 01:05:44.880
Oh, I just comfort for you right now. My husband was a widow as well.

917
01:05:44.880 --> 01:05:51.800
I live in Canada, so it's a little harder to get to you guys.

918
01:05:51.800 --> 01:05:57.840
Hey, we have a lot of community in Canada, believe it or not. Where in Canada are you

919
01:05:57.840 --> 01:05:58.840
at?

920
01:05:59.840 --> 01:06:00.840
Close to Edmonton.

921
01:06:00.840 --> 01:06:10.720
Oh, there's tons. There's tons of people in there. All right. So, get connected. I think

922
01:06:10.720 --> 01:06:19.160
in our app, in our phase two, there is a pinned post in the all section. And I think there's

923
01:06:19.160 --> 01:06:24.240
a little toucan. It's the spirit mate match. Jackie put it up wanting to know where everybody

924
01:06:24.240 --> 01:06:25.240
was located.

925
01:06:25.240 --> 01:06:27.240
Yeah, I see that one.

926
01:06:27.640 --> 01:06:32.840
Okay. I will strongly encourage you ladies to connect that way. And then when you are

927
01:06:32.840 --> 01:06:37.360
ready to go into phase three, because remember, phase two is going to be a smaller intimate

928
01:06:37.360 --> 01:06:42.080
community. Y'all are not going to be stuck here forever. Okay. You will graduate into

929
01:06:42.080 --> 01:06:46.120
your phase three. And when you do, when you ladies have watched all your videos, you've

930
01:06:46.120 --> 01:06:51.800
spent at least four or five weeks. Some of you might spend a little longer. You've come

931
01:06:51.800 --> 01:06:58.200
to check-ins, you engaged in the community. You can email us at admin at JackieDorman.com

932
01:06:58.200 --> 01:07:03.240
to request to be moved to phase three. And then when you're in phase three, you can search

933
01:07:03.240 --> 01:07:09.160
and reach out to women and say, hey, I'm in this area. Who's near here? Let's get together.

934
01:07:09.160 --> 01:07:13.720
Okay. Strongly encourage that.

935
01:07:13.720 --> 01:07:18.080
So how do I know when there's something in my area?

936
01:07:18.080 --> 01:07:25.320
So you can, you can sign up for single cities. So that is an option in Facebook still. So

937
01:07:25.320 --> 01:07:29.440
if you look at single cities, I think there's, there's a couple, I want to say there's at

938
01:07:29.440 --> 01:07:35.400
least two or three single cities in the Canada area. So if you go to the resource tab in

939
01:07:35.400 --> 01:07:36.400
our app.

940
01:07:36.400 --> 01:07:40.920
Yeah, it was Calgary and Vancouver, which are like Calgary is still three hours away

941
01:07:40.920 --> 01:07:41.920
from me.

942
01:07:41.920 --> 01:07:47.560
I would suggest still jump into that one because there could, and probably is some people still

943
01:07:47.560 --> 01:07:55.720
in your area, but some of them are in that one as well. Okay. So, and then, yeah, when

944
01:07:55.720 --> 01:08:01.960
you get to phase three, there'll be even more people in there. Come to, come to the community

945
01:08:01.960 --> 01:08:07.920
events as well. Like once y'all get into phase three, we usually invite phase two into one

946
01:08:07.920 --> 01:08:14.360
of our phase three sessions at least once every month or two months.

947
01:08:14.360 --> 01:08:19.680
So I would suggest going in there as well. And like looking at faces and connecting,

948
01:08:19.680 --> 01:08:25.200
get to those prayer calls and engage in the chat there. There's always things going on

949
01:08:25.200 --> 01:08:30.240
and just, you know, draw a connection. And you know, Tracy, there's so many widows that

950
01:08:30.240 --> 01:08:35.640
come through this community. And I just want you to know that there are people in this

951
01:08:35.640 --> 01:08:42.359
community that relate to you and understand. I will even share when you get to phase three,

952
01:08:42.359 --> 01:08:47.319
Bethany Oliver, she's one of our coaches in phase three. She's the one that's actually

953
01:08:47.319 --> 01:08:53.800
out in Arizona. She came in as a widow and she's a success story. And she has her love

954
01:08:53.800 --> 01:08:58.720
story is incredible. I mean, I was able, we were in the same group at the time and I got

955
01:08:58.720 --> 01:09:04.160
to walk through and, and watch that, that relationship unfold for her. And it's a really

956
01:09:04.160 --> 01:09:10.600
cool story. So she's in there for you as well. So just know like there's people in this community

957
01:09:10.600 --> 01:09:16.600
and there's women on this team, even that have experienced the season of life that

958
01:09:16.600 --> 01:09:20.439
you're in currently as well. So just know you are in the right place and you are here

959
01:09:20.439 --> 01:09:29.399
with people that will support you and can walk along this journey with you. Okay, let

960
01:09:29.399 --> 01:09:38.359
someone else. All right. Yeah, she's gonna put somebody else on the spot now. So who's

961
01:09:38.680 --> 01:09:46.520
gonna, who's going to be brave? Anybody? I love it. I love it, Shani. I know I was waiting

962
01:09:46.520 --> 01:09:51.720
for you. I was totally waiting for you. I'm self-depressed now. Not real fresh. You're

963
01:09:51.720 --> 01:09:58.280
safe. You are safe. Like this is a safe. So obviously I just got here. So maybe some of

964
01:09:58.280 --> 01:09:59.880
this is an address somewhere.

965
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.120
in the program, but I guess there's a little bit

966
01:10:04.120 --> 01:10:09.120
of apprehension moving from the heart work into phase two.

967
01:10:11.560 --> 01:10:14.300
And I don't know if other people can relate to this or not,

968
01:10:14.300 --> 01:10:19.300
but I feel like the last few people I've dated,

969
01:10:20.220 --> 01:10:22.040
God has been showing me so much.

970
01:10:22.040 --> 01:10:25.360
Like I almost know, like I almost know,

971
01:10:25.360 --> 01:10:26.880
I don't know who my person is,

972
01:10:26.880 --> 01:10:29.000
but I've met enough people who look like them.

973
01:10:29.040 --> 01:10:33.080
Like not literally, but the whole like energy of them.

974
01:10:34.000 --> 01:10:37.760
So in the end, each person gets better than the last,

975
01:10:37.760 --> 01:10:40.580
almost in a way that it's hard to sort of believe

976
01:10:40.580 --> 01:10:42.680
what next would even look like.

977
01:10:42.680 --> 01:10:45.800
So I'm grateful for that, like that is a blessing,

978
01:10:45.800 --> 01:10:50.520
but it also makes doing something like seven dates

979
01:10:50.520 --> 01:10:53.440
in a few months, like I've gotten really good

980
01:10:53.440 --> 01:10:55.020
at the weeding out process.

981
01:10:55.020 --> 01:10:58.980
And the one hand being open is probably a good thing,

982
01:10:58.980 --> 01:11:03.040
but then I also get a little paranoid because it's hard.

983
01:11:03.040 --> 01:11:06.460
I almost like the people I need almost instantly decide

984
01:11:06.460 --> 01:11:07.940
I'm their person.

985
01:11:07.940 --> 01:11:10.120
And then getting out of it,

986
01:11:10.120 --> 01:11:14.860
once I found the thing that doesn't work is painful.

987
01:11:14.860 --> 01:11:18.060
So like, I don't really wanna waste time

988
01:11:18.060 --> 01:11:21.340
with things that I know aren't it, but I also know,

989
01:11:22.340 --> 01:11:24.220
you know, like, I mean, I've given God permission

990
01:11:24.220 --> 01:11:25.220
with the list and everything.

991
01:11:25.220 --> 01:11:26.540
These are the things I want.

992
01:11:26.540 --> 01:11:30.020
And if there's a desire that I don't know that I want,

993
01:11:30.020 --> 01:11:31.500
switch it in me.

994
01:11:31.500 --> 01:11:33.900
And until I hear otherwise, this is what I want.

995
01:11:35.420 --> 01:11:38.260
And so I'm just a little bit apprehensive

996
01:11:38.260 --> 01:11:42.100
to go back to the numbers game when, I don't know.

997
01:11:44.380 --> 01:11:45.620
Does that make sense?

998
01:11:45.620 --> 01:11:46.660
Yes, it does.

999
01:11:46.660 --> 01:11:51.660
So don't focus so much on that number, the seven dates.

1000
01:11:52.620 --> 01:11:55.260
It really, like the whole reason,

1001
01:11:55.260 --> 01:11:58.380
like one of the reasons that we put that into place,

1002
01:11:58.380 --> 01:12:02.420
it actually, I remember it because I had been

1003
01:12:02.420 --> 01:12:04.780
in the community for probably at least a year.

1004
01:12:04.780 --> 01:12:08.060
And then Jackie came and challenged us in,

1005
01:12:10.660 --> 01:12:12.740
was it in the summer or in the fall?

1006
01:12:12.740 --> 01:12:15.340
I can't even remember, but it had been a while.

1007
01:12:15.340 --> 01:12:19.060
And she put that out there because she just wanted

1008
01:12:19.060 --> 01:12:20.780
to encourage us to just start putting

1009
01:12:21.100 --> 01:12:23.340
into practice what we were learning.

1010
01:12:23.340 --> 01:12:26.900
Okay, and so she chose the number, number seven,

1011
01:12:26.900 --> 01:12:30.140
because numbers speak to her.

1012
01:12:30.140 --> 01:12:32.380
And I can't recall exactly what,

1013
01:12:33.460 --> 01:12:35.780
I'm still learning the whole numbers

1014
01:12:35.780 --> 01:12:39.540
and God speaking through numbers sort of thing.

1015
01:12:39.540 --> 01:12:41.660
But she does, when she talks about it,

1016
01:12:41.660 --> 01:12:44.660
I believe in that love story accelerator,

1017
01:12:44.660 --> 01:12:46.820
she talks about why she chose seven.

1018
01:12:47.780 --> 01:12:52.780
And so it's, to me, it's not a small number

1019
01:12:53.380 --> 01:12:55.660
because then it's actually gonna push us to be like,

1020
01:12:55.660 --> 01:12:59.660
oh, I actually gotta put some effort into getting there

1021
01:12:59.660 --> 01:13:03.620
for people that might be a little like, I don't know.

1022
01:13:03.620 --> 01:13:07.420
So it's enough to be like, okay, I better get this started.

1023
01:13:07.420 --> 01:13:11.420
But it's not too much to where it's scary.

1024
01:13:11.420 --> 01:13:13.020
Now I say that and I know some people

1025
01:13:13.020 --> 01:13:15.780
are gonna argue with me like, no, seven dates is scary.

1026
01:13:15.780 --> 01:13:16.900
Seven dates was scary for me too.

1027
01:13:16.900 --> 01:13:19.100
But when you just break it down,

1028
01:13:19.100 --> 01:13:24.100
it's just one foot, just focus on getting the one date.

1029
01:13:24.260 --> 01:13:26.140
And then when you get the one date,

1030
01:13:26.140 --> 01:13:30.380
assess, okay, God, what are you speaking to me in this?

1031
01:13:30.380 --> 01:13:34.300
I like how you are sharing about,

1032
01:13:34.300 --> 01:13:39.300
there's some optimistic, like optimism in your voice.

1033
01:13:39.860 --> 01:13:44.460
And I can feel that optimistic nature in this process.

1034
01:13:44.820 --> 01:13:49.820
And I want to, like that is the right track in my opinion.

1035
01:13:52.420 --> 01:13:57.180
Because when we are in that optimistic open posture

1036
01:13:57.180 --> 01:14:00.540
of being like, okay, I'm just gonna go out on dates

1037
01:14:00.540 --> 01:14:03.660
and Lord, you're gonna show me, you're gonna direct me.

1038
01:14:03.660 --> 01:14:06.340
There's gonna be lessons that I can learn in that

1039
01:14:06.340 --> 01:14:08.220
because that was honestly,

1040
01:14:08.220 --> 01:14:12.340
once I finally got my feet moving and started dating,

1041
01:14:12.340 --> 01:14:17.060
God started revealing to me why he was putting

1042
01:14:17.060 --> 01:14:21.900
certain people in my past date to practice with

1043
01:14:21.900 --> 01:14:26.460
because I needed to see certain things in myself first

1044
01:14:26.460 --> 01:14:28.460
before I was able to step in

1045
01:14:28.460 --> 01:14:31.620
and accept who he had for my husband.

1046
01:14:31.620 --> 01:14:35.060
And so what I mean by that is I remember one date

1047
01:14:35.060 --> 01:14:39.940
specifically was with a gentleman actually in the community

1048
01:14:40.820 --> 01:14:45.260
and just a super awesome guy.

1049
01:14:45.260 --> 01:14:47.980
Like I was so hopeful that he was it

1050
01:14:47.980 --> 01:14:52.020
because he really was a standup amazing guy.

1051
01:14:52.020 --> 01:14:54.700
And I was so hoping it was him

1052
01:14:54.700 --> 01:14:56.660
because it was the easy choice.

1053
01:14:56.660 --> 01:14:58.660
It was the simple choice

1054
01:14:58.660 --> 01:15:00.460
because at the time I was living in.

1055
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.240
Sarasota, Florida, which is like the retirement capital

1056
01:15:03.240 --> 01:15:04.880
of the world, all right?

1057
01:15:04.880 --> 01:15:08.000
So being like in my late 30s, early, you know,

1058
01:15:08.000 --> 01:15:10.280
getting ready to seven in my 40s,

1059
01:15:10.280 --> 01:15:13.640
most of the people my age that live in that area,

1060
01:15:13.640 --> 01:15:15.880
they already are married and have families.

1061
01:15:15.880 --> 01:15:18.840
And I had a child, like I had a young son

1062
01:15:18.840 --> 01:15:21.040
who was, you know, five, six years old.

1063
01:15:21.040 --> 01:15:23.660
He was about four or five when I joined Jackie.

1064
01:15:26.160 --> 01:15:28.720
Yeah, he was about five years old,

1065
01:15:28.720 --> 01:15:31.080
almost six when I joined Jackie.

1066
01:15:31.080 --> 01:15:32.840
And so he was a young kid.

1067
01:15:32.840 --> 01:15:35.640
And so it was just like, oh, this dude, easy choice.

1068
01:15:35.640 --> 01:15:39.000
He's like the fun guy, but here's the thing.

1069
01:15:39.000 --> 01:15:42.880
He was not ready to really step in to be a father.

1070
01:15:42.880 --> 01:15:47.040
All right, and I saw that in him on like very early on,

1071
01:15:47.040 --> 01:15:50.480
like in just getting to know him, he was like,

1072
01:15:50.480 --> 01:15:53.040
I always say, and I don't mean this as an insult to him,

1073
01:15:53.040 --> 01:15:55.080
like, but he was like Peter Pan,

1074
01:15:55.080 --> 01:15:57.560
like never wanted to grow up, but he did.

1075
01:15:57.560 --> 01:16:00.600
I mean, you know, he is a really standup guy,

1076
01:16:00.600 --> 01:16:02.880
but he just wasn't ready for that season

1077
01:16:02.880 --> 01:16:04.480
of being like a father.

1078
01:16:04.480 --> 01:16:09.480
And I knew that, but it was really cool

1079
01:16:09.480 --> 01:16:11.320
because while we were out on a date,

1080
01:16:12.360 --> 01:16:17.360
I was sitting at a coffee shop in downtown Sarasota,

1081
01:16:17.600 --> 01:16:22.600
and across the street was a location

1082
01:16:23.600 --> 01:16:28.600
where I had met my, like one of my former boyfriends

1083
01:16:29.000 --> 01:16:31.640
who was an alcoholic and a drug addict.

1084
01:16:31.640 --> 01:16:34.920
And I went through so much trauma within my twenties.

1085
01:16:34.920 --> 01:16:38.760
And that building or that location

1086
01:16:38.760 --> 01:16:41.920
actually had been worn down and they rebuilt it

1087
01:16:41.920 --> 01:16:45.280
into this luxury, like luxury high rise.

1088
01:16:45.280 --> 01:16:48.200
And so I'm sitting at this coffee shop,

1089
01:16:48.200 --> 01:16:51.400
looking across the street at the area

1090
01:16:51.520 --> 01:16:55.440
where I had met this, like, it just spiraled me

1091
01:16:55.440 --> 01:16:58.800
and just, it was just bad, okay?

1092
01:16:59.720 --> 01:17:04.080
And in the bottom level, in that first level

1093
01:17:04.080 --> 01:17:06.480
of where that luxury high rise was,

1094
01:17:06.480 --> 01:17:08.120
where it's like all these like, you know,

1095
01:17:08.120 --> 01:17:10.760
penthouses and all kinds of stuff where people lived,

1096
01:17:12.280 --> 01:17:15.720
was this high end jewelry store.

1097
01:17:16.720 --> 01:17:19.560
And God just really spoke to me,

1098
01:17:19.560 --> 01:17:23.120
like what a precious gem I was that, you know,

1099
01:17:23.120 --> 01:17:26.360
he was coming and redeeming certain areas in my life

1100
01:17:26.360 --> 01:17:30.760
and he was going to bring men in my life in this season

1101
01:17:30.760 --> 01:17:33.080
just to show me my worth and value

1102
01:17:33.080 --> 01:17:35.600
and that they weren't necessarily my husband,

1103
01:17:35.600 --> 01:17:40.120
but it was a way for me to identify like who God said I was.

1104
01:17:40.520 --> 01:17:44.520
And so the Lord can use the season, ladies,

1105
01:17:44.520 --> 01:17:47.080
in your dating season where you may not

1106
01:17:47.080 --> 01:17:49.200
meet your husband right away,

1107
01:17:49.200 --> 01:17:53.040
but it doesn't mean that he cannot use men in your path

1108
01:17:53.040 --> 01:17:57.320
to show you a process or show you areas where you have grown

1109
01:17:57.320 --> 01:18:01.320
and he wants to continue to grow in and get pulled up.

1110
01:18:01.320 --> 01:18:04.240
And at that time, there was even just, you know,

1111
01:18:04.240 --> 01:18:07.680
prophetic words of just, you know,

1112
01:18:07.720 --> 01:18:10.640
that we were high end, like we were a value

1113
01:18:10.640 --> 01:18:13.080
and we didn't belong in a thrift store,

1114
01:18:13.080 --> 01:18:17.080
but I actually belonged in a high end jewelry store.

1115
01:18:17.080 --> 01:18:20.480
And my husband was going to like invest

1116
01:18:20.480 --> 01:18:24.480
and appreciate the value that I was,

1117
01:18:24.480 --> 01:18:27.920
but I had to see my value for myself first.

1118
01:18:27.920 --> 01:18:30.280
Okay, so yes, I know we can get reluctant

1119
01:18:30.280 --> 01:18:33.840
in the numbers game and like the process of the dating

1120
01:18:33.840 --> 01:18:34.680
and all that kind of stuff,

1121
01:18:34.840 --> 01:18:39.360
just sit with it, just enjoy the process as much as you can.

1122
01:18:39.360 --> 01:18:41.200
Don't focus on the numbers and feeling like

1123
01:18:41.200 --> 01:18:43.600
you have to get the seven dates in three months,

1124
01:18:43.600 --> 01:18:47.400
just one date at a time, put your next foot forward.

1125
01:18:47.400 --> 01:18:50.400
That's all it takes and be open to what the Lord

1126
01:18:50.400 --> 01:18:52.560
wants to show you in the season,

1127
01:18:52.560 --> 01:18:56.760
because there's so much beauty that he can expose.

1128
01:18:56.760 --> 01:18:58.480
And like, that was my walk.

1129
01:18:58.480 --> 01:19:01.400
It was really, really, really, really important

1130
01:19:02.400 --> 01:19:04.120
And like, that was my walk.

1131
01:19:04.120 --> 01:19:05.240
It was really beautiful.

1132
01:19:05.240 --> 01:19:08.080
Like I had to wait a little bit in this program

1133
01:19:08.080 --> 01:19:10.040
before my husband came and I,

1134
01:19:10.040 --> 01:19:12.160
at times I got really ticked off.

1135
01:19:12.160 --> 01:19:14.080
Like I'd see women come in this community

1136
01:19:14.080 --> 01:19:16.160
after I had been here for a really long time.

1137
01:19:16.160 --> 01:19:18.000
Like I was one of the OGs.

1138
01:19:18.000 --> 01:19:20.600
And then these women would just like come in

1139
01:19:20.600 --> 01:19:21.880
the next thing you know, it's like,

1140
01:19:21.880 --> 01:19:24.800
you're seeing like their engagement, like announcement.

1141
01:19:24.800 --> 01:19:27.520
And I'm like, what the literal, you know what?

1142
01:19:27.520 --> 01:19:29.920
I was like, this is not cool.

1143
01:19:29.920 --> 01:19:34.920
But like the process for me, like it was so timely.

1144
01:19:35.080 --> 01:19:37.520
And like, God was just doing a work in me

1145
01:19:37.520 --> 01:19:38.680
that needed to be done.

1146
01:19:38.680 --> 01:19:42.520
Because then when he brought my husband into my, you know,

1147
01:19:43.800 --> 01:19:45.440
it was a beautiful love story

1148
01:19:45.440 --> 01:19:50.440
and it was all like intentional and special.

1149
01:19:50.680 --> 01:19:54.520
And I was actually in a place to be able to receive it

1150
01:19:54.520 --> 01:19:58.400
as a gift where before if I would have met him

1151
01:19:58.400 --> 01:20:00.240
a year or two prior when I first.

1152
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.320
Scott into this program, I probably wouldn't have been ready for it. And in fact, he wasn't ready

1153
01:20:06.320 --> 01:20:13.520
for it. He had to walk through some stuff too. So I hope that just, I love that you brought that up

1154
01:20:14.080 --> 01:20:19.360
and I see you kind of like shaking. I see just some of that like weight kind of come off

1155
01:20:20.240 --> 01:20:26.480
and I hope that's what is happening. But thank you for, you know, just sharing and getting

1156
01:20:26.480 --> 01:20:31.200
vulnerable because I think it was, it's important for, because there's not many of you on right now,

1157
01:20:31.200 --> 01:20:35.200
but I do believe that this is going to be watching a replay and I, Shawnee, I think

1158
01:20:35.200 --> 01:20:40.880
someone's going to hear and relate to what you're experiencing and they're going to hear some

1159
01:20:40.880 --> 01:20:44.880
encouragement and it's just going to bless them and they're going to be able to really glean

1160
01:20:44.880 --> 01:20:49.600
some really amazing thing that God wants to do and collect more things with joy.

1161
01:20:49.600 --> 01:21:00.800
All right. All right, ladies, we are about, yay. It's about 1.30 here in central time in Texas.

1162
01:21:00.800 --> 01:21:04.000
It's 2.30 where y'all are at. So we've been on here for about an hour and a half.

1163
01:21:04.640 --> 01:21:10.080
If there is nothing else, Kelly, if you want to share something, I don't want to cut you off,

1164
01:21:10.080 --> 01:21:15.840
but if not, I know Blessie, she can't unmute right now. Okay, you are good. All right. Well,

1165
01:21:15.840 --> 01:21:20.800
then ladies, I am just going to activate you this week. I'm going to give you a little homework

1166
01:21:20.800 --> 01:21:24.800
assignment and then I'm going to just quickly pray for us and then I will let you enjoy the

1167
01:21:24.800 --> 01:21:31.440
rest of your Tuesday. So ladies, your homework for this week. Okay. I want you to post a photo

1168
01:21:31.440 --> 01:21:36.320
of something that is a win or a picture of something that you are collecting with joy.

1169
01:21:36.320 --> 01:21:41.680
All right. I want to see some of your smiling faces. All right. And share that in the win tab

1170
01:21:41.680 --> 01:21:50.480
of our app. Okay. So make sure you're clicking the win. Okay. If nothing else, if you're like,

1171
01:21:50.480 --> 01:21:58.080
wow, you know, Carla, I really can't. I can't do that. And you're just not feeling it right now,

1172
01:21:58.080 --> 01:22:06.240
then I'm going to encourage you at least to post something in our app. Okay. Not just in roll call,

1173
01:22:06.240 --> 01:22:11.360
but actually in our app. So it could be under the win category. If it isn't a win category,

1174
01:22:11.680 --> 01:22:17.680
I want to see some pictures. Okay. That's some really cool things. Your smiling faces,

1175
01:22:17.680 --> 01:22:23.520
what you're celebrating. If it's not that, ask a coach. If you have a question for one of us

1176
01:22:23.520 --> 01:22:31.120
coaches, me, Ebony or Renee or Bethany, if they're, you know, if one of us will get to it.

1177
01:22:32.880 --> 01:22:36.560
If not in that tab, there's the relationship milestone. So maybe you want to share

1178
01:22:37.120 --> 01:22:42.240
if you are working towards relationship or there isn't just something that you've overcome

1179
01:22:43.040 --> 01:22:49.360
or just in the all tab. So let's start engaging and connecting here in this community. Okay.

1180
01:22:50.160 --> 01:22:54.720
I assure you, you'll be blessed by it. Okay. All right. I'm going to pray for us ladies. So

1181
01:22:54.720 --> 01:22:59.440
heavenly father, I thank you. I thank you for these women. I thank you for the women that are

1182
01:22:59.440 --> 01:23:03.440
on now, but I also think, thank you for the women that are in replay Lord. And I just,

1183
01:23:03.440 --> 01:23:09.360
I pray over these women that they step into this week ahead with wherever they're at in this phase,

1184
01:23:09.360 --> 01:23:16.000
Lord, that they feel or joy and that you highlight to them what it is in this season

1185
01:23:16.720 --> 01:23:22.080
that they can be collecting with joy. Lord, you brought every single one of these women

1186
01:23:22.640 --> 01:23:27.680
here on purpose. You know what you're doing in them. You know what you have,

1187
01:23:28.560 --> 01:23:33.680
what you know, what's ahead for them and Lord, you are, you are a giver of very good gifts.

1188
01:23:34.560 --> 01:23:41.200
Lord. So I just, I pray over them. I pray that you just, you know, fill them with joy and peace

1189
01:23:41.200 --> 01:23:46.720
and patience and kindness as they step into this week. Lord, I ask you to calm their fears.

1190
01:23:48.000 --> 01:23:54.080
I ask you just to, you know, reveal your presence to them. Lord, I ask you to

1191
01:23:55.040 --> 01:24:02.000
help them come out of hiding, you know, allow them to be vulnerable here in our community. Lord,

1192
01:24:03.600 --> 01:24:10.640
Lord, I just, I know what relationships take when it comes to vulnerability and Lord,

1193
01:24:10.640 --> 01:24:18.800
I know that you want these ladies to step out and have courage. Lord, you call us to

1194
01:24:19.040 --> 01:24:25.120
be strong and courageous, not to be discouraged, but you are with us wherever you go.

1195
01:24:26.320 --> 01:24:34.560
And Lord, I just pray that you give supernatural courage and bravery to these women.

1196
01:24:35.840 --> 01:24:41.920
I thank you for their spirit mates and Lord, I just, just bless them this week.

1197
01:24:42.800 --> 01:24:49.200
Let me do that in your son's name. Amen. All right, ladies, go be blessed this week.

1198
01:24:49.200 --> 01:24:53.120
Go collect joy. All right. We'll see you next week.