WEBVTT

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she already knows tell on him

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you guys he's he's on his way home he was uh at a a charity for single moms golf tournament thing

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so here he's cool yeah the single moms weren't there it was just a charity it was just a

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charity a charity to raise money for them let me be clear there okay please explain this

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i'm like um well okay

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all right so i saw that there are two links one for 1 a.m and 1 p.m one for now what happened

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to the 1 p.m one i don't know but we're all here and praise the lord okay that is the announcement

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my husband forgot to make last time is that we are going to start we are being recorded right

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now right yeah we are going to start having the guys mondays you'll have a noon central one eastern

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i guess that would be 10 pacific a.m so 10 a.m noon one eastern um offering of this and then

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this regular time of five seven and eight um why is that because we have men joining us from

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overseas and um and you know maybe you guys have like some interesting you know work schedules

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where you're not available at night but maybe you're available during the day but anyways want

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to give more options so um yeah so jump on starting next monday we will be having that

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that other those other time slots available to you cool all right you guys back in the day

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before back many many moons ago i think ty might be the only person that was in the program

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back then i used to do a coaching session with guys a couple times a month dating coaching

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relationship coaching heartwork coaching whatever and we've gotten away from that now that you guys

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are having your men's group because we do the big community coaching that you guys are invited to

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but there might be some things that you would ask and maybe that you would share if you were just

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one-on-one with me like this and not with all the ladies watching so here we are and david is on his

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way home so he'll probably jump in here a little bit later but this is the kind of the love seats

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for guys and you can anything everything no holds barred so let's jump into that who anyone have

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anything that they want to give feedback on first of all if you're not filling out your spirit mate

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match form because you're not really wanting to meet someone right now just go ahead and fill it

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out because it's good to have it in the database and i won't pull it you know if i know that you're

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not interested in doing that right now but it's just good to have it filled out anyway cool

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good all right all right i see some new faces daniel's new to me hi daniel

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um so great to meet you yeah you too uh military kind of guy yeah yeah you guessed it

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not a hard guess the khaki shirt the protein snack the haircut it's easy okay

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um i was married to marine i don't know if you guys know that or not um so yeah um i'm in there

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i'm in the air force so okay good yeah good good good not that the marines are bad the marines are

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important and good and david i'm sure you know both of his fathers uh his stepdad and his dad

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are both uh air force retired uh abram so much interest in you bro okay so this is how it happened

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so we're on you know we're on live and mike did an amazing job did an amazing job on the game

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and so we're setting up your date with jessica she's really excited to go on that virtual date

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with you by the way she's checked in like three times already and so um but then i spotlighted

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greg and abram as you guys know that we're there and if you weren't there you should come to those

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because it'll give you some some encouragement and confidence to be the next players on the

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price is right okay because we're gonna need you guys to volunteer to be part of those games

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and or be voluntold you can either volunteer or be voluntold either way it's okay we don't care

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so um anyway so abram was one of those spotlights he did great he was himself which we wanted him

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to be just himself you know not trying to be anyone he's not or not trying to like you know

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do anything whatever and i just was i was like the carpet and the drapes that was the drapes

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in the carpet i'm sure that you didn't really recognize what that was going to

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words, but just a couple kind of irreverent sort of off color, things like that came out

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of Abram.

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And I was like, yes, because if any girl says, I want to meet Abram, then number one, she's

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probably cool.

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And number two, you know, she likes his authenticity.

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So after it was over with our, in our emails, we only had one email for, for Abram and it

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was from this girl, Jessica.

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And I was like, dang it.

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I was like, all right, you know, these girls are just being religious or whatever.

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So then I posted in my phase three group, a little picture of Abram.

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And I said, Hey, nobody wanted to meet Abram.

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And then the chat just blew up.

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Oh, I wanted to meet him.

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I did.

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I wasn't sure, you know, blah, blah, blah.

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And so there's probably like at least 20 women that want to meet Abram in that chat.

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So super fun.

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So I'm sifting through those Abram and seeing which ones are going to be good.

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So you guys, that's, that's really, that's really going good.

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And so I'm excited about doing more of those things.

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We have a costume party slash Halloween scavenger hunt next Tuesday.

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So come to that.

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There will be prizes.

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There will be ladies and there will be scavenger hunt.

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So anything we can do to try to get people to open up and have fun, because that's when

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you see someone's personality, that's when you might be attracted to them.

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See, this is why dating apps suck because looking at a picture of someone, I mean, yeah,

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you might be able to tell yourself intellectually that this person is good looking.

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Their face is symmetrical.

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You like their hair, you know, whatever.

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You might like what they wrote, but when you see someone in action, that's when chemistry

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is formed.

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Right?

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Right.

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Yeah.

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All right.

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I have a whole list of things that I guess my husband was going to do, but we're just

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going to do whatever we want.

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So what do you guys, what questions do you have for a girl?

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Ask me.

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Well, can I just throw something out real quick before we start the Q and A?

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I just wanted to say, Mike, you did a great job.

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I was, I seriously, I watched the replay and I was like, man, that is a tough path to walk

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for the first time.

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I mean, you were kind of, you're almost like, you're almost like on a first date with three

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women in front of like 200 people and you did, you did a great job, dude.

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So I could tell, I could tell you're a little nervous and you did great.

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So kudos to you, man.

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Thanks for being the first.

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Yeah.

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You're welcome.

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I agree.

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I agree.

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I agree, Mike, because I, I was going to think spotlight.

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I was ill when they noticed that Jackie was going to do us guys and there's three bachelor

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women.

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I don't think I was, I wasn't ill prepared for an activity like this.

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So I just want to copy and take what I want to do, especially with Abram too.

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I was ill prepared.

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I would have been ill prepared, not know what to do.

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And I even want to talk about too, about my spirit mate profile too.

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Okay.

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We'll, we'll get to that Hunter.

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Um, and I didn't leave Mike hanging.

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I wasn't, I was his wing woman.

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I wasn't going to let him down.

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Um, so you were, you were well protected, although definitely in the hot seat for sure.

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Definitely.

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Yeah.

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I don't think I've been, you know, but just to you guys, like, you know, um, I went,

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I was doing a lot of praying up to that point cause I'm like, no, I'm just because no, it's,

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it's legit.

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You were praying.

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I would have been praying too.

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If I were you.

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I want to show up as me.

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Yes.

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Right.

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And, and like, and I, and I, and I look back, I watched the replay too.

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And I'm like, I showed up as me, you know?

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And so it was just, and I had, I was, I kept wanting to go like so serious and I'm like,

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no, I just want to have fun.

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Right.

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You know?

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And like, and that's what Abram, that's one of the things, Abram, you, you just do, you

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bring like the whole, you bring everybody's fun level up.

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You're, you're kind of like Jackie light where you're the party in a box and everybody

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up, but like, you know, I just wanted to, um, you know, it, it was, I love that you

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were you.

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Yeah.

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So.

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It was good, you guys, it was good.

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These are how matches are made.

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So let's say, let's just hypothetically, you're on this dating match where three ladies and

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now you have a lady to meet in Florida.

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What advice would you give to somebody in that position?

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Well, first of all, your three contestants were the top five.

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They were all three of them were in the top five, um, of your matches on spirit mate match.

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And I personally, I know you, you picked Jessica, but all three of them, I think could be a

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real quality date for you.

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Yeah, you have a lot in common with all of them.

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You know, I've gotten to know Dana.

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I've met Dana in person.

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Jessica actually was my student in a whole other program

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that I did many years ago.

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So I've known her for a long time.

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Haven't ever met her in person, strangely enough.

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But Dana, I do.

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I have met in person.

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And then the third lady, what was her name?

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I'm escaping me right now.

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But the one from Idaho, right?

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Yeah, she's super cute.

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I think she's fun.

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Yeah, she could definitely.

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I think out of all three of them, Dana is your is your like

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your spiritual match, meaning like she is like you spiritually.

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The other two women are spirit filled.

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But, you know, Dana's like you kind of mystical and, you know, all the things.

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And then the three were the.

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But yeah, so yeah, Jessica being a worship leader,

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that just was something I've always desired.

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Yeah, well, she yeah, she does.

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And she.

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She's you know, she's a mom of grown kids, I think.

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You know, she also counsels.

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She's a therapist for, you know, young adults.

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And so it'd be very helpful for you with your kids as well.

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So, yeah, that went great.

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OK, so Daniel doesn't have to tell us what woman he's interested in,

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but I heard you're interested in someone.

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And so you'll have to let me know who that is.

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I just replied to the email.

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OK, good. All right.

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And then Rob's been trying to hide out.

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I don't know where Rob's been, but he's not been around.

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Ty, you definitely have been hiding out.

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And I know that your mom's been sick and stuff.

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You guys just life comes out as fast.

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And so there's all different types of things going on.

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Chris, I'm ready for you to get out there.

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Hunter, Hunter.

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What are we going to do with you, bro?

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Why? Who are you?

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Who are you? Who are you talking to right now? Anybody?

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I'm not talking to anybody right now.

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I just put my I wanted to talk about what I think I need to reedit more

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because this is because reedit the whole thing about qualities in my ideal partner.

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And also, I want to get my point out.

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They say about range.

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If it comes to distances, I'm OK with that.

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I hope I told you I was born and raised in Ohio and half my family.

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So if any word if you have any lays on the matchmakers

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who are in the Columbus chapter, I'll be happy to see them.

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You can use the profile wizard to to edit your profile, all of you,

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just so you know, the wizard, if you look for the wizard,

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when you log in to your spirit mate match, there's a wizard.

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So it's called and you can and you can use it to edit your profile.

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So just use the use the profile wizard to edit your profile, Hunter.

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And yes, OK, that Ohio connection.

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That's an important little piece of information.

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So thank you for letting me know that.

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And I'll keep that in mind.

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Here's a list of what I think I need to edit.

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Tell me if these are good or bad.

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Oh, anything I want to share about myself,

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but biography with my life, share what qualities I got.

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I grow closer to God because I may not grow close to God like a lot of people.

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What would I want with my ideal partner?

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Is it a dream partner or who can do this or who do I want the traits

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to contribute to growth, the relationship, not have these traits

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that in a way that and follow the idea that I see fit.

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Or don't forget to open a any ethnicity.

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Oh, I'm going to I got to remember to put that on there.

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I don't care what her color ethnicity is.

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I just believe in equal opportunity, no matter where it went

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to anybody's character, no matter about the color.

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And then I'm just trying to expand on and open my mind,

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not be desperate for an obvious no.

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Well, Hunter, I don't know if you heard this or not, but right now,

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the only person that's looking at your spirit mate match profile is me.

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And I already know you.

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So so right now we're still in the intake process of the database.

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So as people are putting in their profiles,

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I'm using those profiles to put together fun events like the other night.

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When we get to the place where we're going to let other people

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look at each other's profiles, which we will definitely get to eventually.

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Then, you know, just so you have that stuff

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changed by then, if you want to change it. Yeah.

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But that's not going to be for a while still.

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So you're not in a hurry.

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You're not like November, December.

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You know, I deliver for Amazon and we're going to be busy at peak week

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where we're going to be delivering packages during holiday season.

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So if that I'm not I got to not be hurry.

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And for the spotlight, I'll take some.

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Let me know what what days are on, like, like next, though.

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And then and you can get I don't know if I can give you a holler

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if I can volunteer for you and I'll be super.

245
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OK, thank you, Hunter.

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Thank you. Appreciate that.

247
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So you guys, what what do you guys want to talk about?

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What?

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topics you want to talk about, um, anything we can talk about anything.

250
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Anything that, you know, you feel like you want to dig deeper into

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you'd like my feedback on, um, go ahead.

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Like I talk about like, not bother, they taught me a men's I'm in a men's

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discipleship called iron sharpens iron.

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And he said, don't look, don't even try looking, just ask God to send someone.

255
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Well, sometimes God might send someone.

256
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I may not be interested.

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Well, I believe in this in terms of looking, it's better than God's

258
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timing is always better than are daring.

259
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Meaning, okay.

260
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So this is great, Hunter.

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I'm glad that you bring this up.

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So this is what I want to say.

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I want to say about what Hunter just said.

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He said that he received that advice from a men's discipleship group

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called iron sharpens iron.

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And I'm, I'm assuming that it's all men.

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Okay.

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And so, and it's all men that are not, um, they're not therapists

269
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are not dating coaches or not matchmakers, you know, basically

270
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this is not their ministry.

271
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And so while they may give sound advice, it's not necessarily wise advice.

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And this is why I say that I can't tell you guys how many people.

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I have met over the course of the last 10 plus years of doing what I do, uh,

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that have told me that the worst advice that they ever received about romantic

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relationship, whether they should stay or they should go, whether they should

276
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marry or not marry, um, how they should go about their single season.

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We're from pastors and ministers and, you know, um, Revival leaders

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at their Bible college, you know, whatever.

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And the reason why is because these people are telling you what they think

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is right and what sounds kind of good.

281
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But at the same time, you know, they're not necessarily

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qualified to be giving that advice.

283
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And so that's why you guys are all here.

284
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That's why you joined because you want to, at some level and at, and at some

285
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time, you know, you want to step into a marriage minded relationship.

286
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And so that's kind of coaching we're going to do here.

287
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So you can, you don't have to be disrespectful.

288
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You can take that advice with a grain of salt, but the Bible absolutely

289
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says that you're supposed to be looking Hunter, your name actually is Hunter.

290
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So, and of course, what I mean is it's his time is better than our Darren.

291
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Like, like, look, it's one thing to look, cause you're in a happy mood

292
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and you, you really are smiling the Lord.

293
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You really want to get to know something.

294
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Cause that's what it is versus you're desperate.

295
00:17:47.520 --> 00:17:51.760
You want it done and you want to, you want to get Russia and manipulate

296
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the circumstance to make it happen.

297
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And I think that's a gray area.

298
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They, they're, they try to overlook and no, they just, they just don't, they

299
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don't want you to get yourself in trouble.

300
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And so this is what a lot of pastors and ministers and ministries do.

301
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They're just afraid for people to get themselves in trouble

302
00:18:07.360 --> 00:18:08.560
in the area of romance.

303
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And so it's easier to shut it down and put it in the camp of, well, if God

304
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wants someone for you, he'll send that them.

305
00:18:15.360 --> 00:18:19.160
Cause they don't want you out there on the slippery slope of getting

306
00:18:19.160 --> 00:18:23.240
into romantic relationships, possibly getting into sexual, you know,

307
00:18:23.240 --> 00:18:26.520
compromising positions, all different types of things that they think are

308
00:18:26.520 --> 00:18:29.920
out there waiting for you if you're out there looking, but you

309
00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:31.080
guys let's talk for a second.

310
00:18:31.080 --> 00:18:33.120
So Hunter, I'm going to, I'm going to teach on this for a sec.

311
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Okay.

312
00:18:33.480 --> 00:18:35.680
So let me just have the floor for a minute.

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Cause I think this is really important.

314
00:18:37.600 --> 00:18:44.200
The, the elusiveness of the timing of God, the elusiveness of God's timing.

315
00:18:44.920 --> 00:18:48.320
And I'm going to actually teach on this on Supernatural Saturday.

316
00:18:48.520 --> 00:18:54.920
I'm going to talk about this, but you guys, God lives outside of time, right?

317
00:18:55.640 --> 00:18:58.960
He's in a different dimension that has no time.

318
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And I think it's important that we understand that because has anyone

319
00:19:02.680 --> 00:19:06.480
ever thought about eternity and it just broke your brain, just broke your

320
00:19:06.480 --> 00:19:10.080
brain when you try to sit and think about like living eternally and just

321
00:19:10.080 --> 00:19:16.120
existing eternally, because we live in a dimension that has stops and starts.

322
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We live in a dimension that has a beginning and has an end everything in

323
00:19:20.120 --> 00:19:23.280
your life that you've ever experienced had a beginning and had an ending.

324
00:19:23.840 --> 00:19:25.320
And it had a middle, right?

325
00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:29.920
And so God lives in this dimension where time is not a thing.

326
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And so we don't understand that because we've never lived in a

327
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place where time is not a thing.

328
00:19:34.880 --> 00:19:38.840
And part of the reason why, and when people say God's times and seasons,

329
00:19:39.160 --> 00:19:43.080
because they're talking about something different than literally time.

330
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Okay.

331
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And so it's important for us to understand that God's not looking

332
00:19:51.800 --> 00:19:53.640
for us to get into his timing.

333
00:19:54.160 --> 00:19:59.800
He's looking for us to get into his word and into just, you know,

334
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.960
acceptance of his word, right. I don't even want to use the word obedience because so many people

335
00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:11.520
have triggers and a lot of religion around that. And so I want to say to you that God would rather

336
00:20:11.520 --> 00:20:18.080
you do something in your mind prematurely and learn something powerful through it about him,

337
00:20:18.080 --> 00:20:23.200
about his grace, about his mercy, than just constantly be waiting in that proverbial

338
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waiting room for God's timing. You guys have a very limited amount of life for this earth.

339
00:20:33.120 --> 00:20:38.320
And so we have to be living it. We can't just be waiting to live it. That's not a good idea.

340
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And so Proverbs does tell us that the God's increase comes without sorrow.

341
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And so the best thing that we can do is be preparing for what it is that we want to have

342
00:20:50.320 --> 00:20:57.440
happen in this time frame in our lives. So all of you without exception are in a marriageable

343
00:20:58.000 --> 00:21:03.520
era. You're all adults. All of you are here because you have a desire to be married and

344
00:21:03.520 --> 00:21:10.800
have family. So you have all the criteria that you need in order to be successful in this.

345
00:21:10.800 --> 00:21:15.280
Okay, you're getting coaching, you're getting help matchmaking, all the different things.

346
00:21:15.280 --> 00:21:20.800
And so the best thing that you can do is you can just be ready. And when I say ready,

347
00:21:20.800 --> 00:21:27.600
I don't mean perfect. I don't mean cross T's and dotted I's. I mean, you realize that at any moment,

348
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you know, you can see a woman that you have a strong desire to get to know and possibly marry

349
00:21:34.320 --> 00:21:40.240
someday. And so if you are always understanding that this is the time frame that you're in in

350
00:21:40.240 --> 00:21:45.680
your life, that's called the season of partnership, then you're going to be living with

351
00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:51.600
that in your uppermost mind. And so not only are you going to be looking, not only are you going to

352
00:21:51.600 --> 00:21:56.480
be active in partnering with God in this, but you're also going to be working on things that

353
00:21:56.480 --> 00:22:01.680
you know might actually sabotage that. That's why you're here. That's why you're doing your

354
00:22:01.680 --> 00:22:05.520
hard work. You're going to, you're trying to save your marriage before it starts. You're trying to

355
00:22:05.600 --> 00:22:11.920
defuse the bombs before they go off someday. Right? Okay. So that's all that's, that's the

356
00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:17.280
only thing you have to do on your part is continue to teach me, show me, heal me, grow me with God.

357
00:22:17.280 --> 00:22:22.400
Just that be your prayer. You know, God, show me what I need to see. Teach me what I need to know.

358
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You know, grow me in the areas where I need to grow. Heal me in the areas where I need to heal.

359
00:22:27.120 --> 00:22:36.240
That is your part of this equation. Her, that's God's part, but you have to be

360
00:22:37.840 --> 00:22:44.800
putting yourself out there. All right. I know we tell the ladies that it's his job to find you,

361
00:22:44.800 --> 00:22:50.240
but it's your job to be found. Um, but you can't just be sitting around waiting for Hunter to,

362
00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:55.920
you know, Amazon prime her to your house. We're not going to do that Hunter. You don't need to,

363
00:22:55.920 --> 00:23:00.080
you don't gotta, you don't gotta, you don't gotta chime in on everything. All right. Who

364
00:23:00.080 --> 00:23:06.000
else wants to answer the question? Me. Who wants to answer a question? Who wants to ask one?

365
00:23:07.280 --> 00:23:11.280
And then you can answer your own question. I'll answer the question. Yes. Yes.

366
00:23:13.600 --> 00:23:21.920
All right. Uh, you know, I don't ask it. Um, so I'm potentially like long distance. This is a

367
00:23:21.920 --> 00:23:28.320
whole thing that I have been kind of wary of like jumping on about it. And so, um, and then my other

368
00:23:28.320 --> 00:23:34.000
thing was I was looking back through the spirit mate match form and there was nowhere said,

369
00:23:34.000 --> 00:23:39.760
is it because I marked that I have kids under age is automatically assume that I can't relocate.

370
00:23:40.400 --> 00:23:44.960
Cause I didn't see that. It does have a question in your preferences about long distance. There's,

371
00:23:44.960 --> 00:23:52.320
there's a question in the preference. Um, Mike, can you relocate? Don't you have a minor child?

372
00:23:52.320 --> 00:23:56.320
Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying is I can't. So I was wondering like, did I screw up on that on

373
00:23:56.320 --> 00:24:00.880
the match? I didn't see that on the preferred thing. I went back through it. Maybe I missed it

374
00:24:00.880 --> 00:24:06.480
again. You don't say you, so you don't think that you willing, willing to relocate. You don't think

375
00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:12.320
that you marked yes to that. I don't know. I wouldn't have been able to, so I just couldn't,

376
00:24:12.320 --> 00:24:16.240
but I was, so my question was like, is Jessica able to be like all these gals are on like all

377
00:24:16.240 --> 00:24:21.520
over the nation, right? Well, Dana's never been married. Doesn't have any kids. So she definitely

378
00:24:21.520 --> 00:24:26.400
can relocate the other lady in Idaho. I'm not sure. Cause remember the computer pulled these

379
00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:32.080
matches for you based on your profile. Um, Jessica's kids are grown. I don't know if she

380
00:24:32.080 --> 00:24:37.280
wants to relocate or not. I mean, you know, I think she just, her last one's just graduated

381
00:24:37.280 --> 00:24:44.720
high school. So they're really newly, newly, um, grown, but, uh, I will check into that for you.

382
00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:49.920
As far as relocation, I'll make sure that that is, I will make sure that that's a situation

383
00:24:49.920 --> 00:24:54.160
that's possible because there's no sense in going a hundred miles an hour down a dead end road.

384
00:24:55.440 --> 00:24:59.600
Yeah. Well, so, but that aside, no, that was one of my things I was looking back at.

385
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.400
and I was like, oh crap, I don't remember seeing that.

386
00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:04.300
But anyways, like, so what does it look like?

387
00:25:04.300 --> 00:25:06.220
Let's just say it's Dana in New York or Jessica.

388
00:25:06.220 --> 00:25:09.160
Anyway, just to relevant who it is,

389
00:25:09.160 --> 00:25:12.740
like what does it look like to go on a first date

390
00:25:12.740 --> 00:25:14.260
on a video date for somebody

391
00:25:14.260 --> 00:25:16.900
who's on the other side of the nation?

392
00:25:16.900 --> 00:25:18.100
Well, we're gonna set that up for you.

393
00:25:18.100 --> 00:25:21.140
We're gonna actually plan the date for you.

394
00:25:21.140 --> 00:25:23.460
Well, no, but like, what should I?

395
00:25:23.460 --> 00:25:26.900
It looks like over FaceTime, it looks like on technology.

396
00:25:28.220 --> 00:25:29.060
Yeah.

397
00:25:29.460 --> 00:25:31.020
Okay, so I suck at dating

398
00:25:31.020 --> 00:25:32.820
and I suck at the initial stages.

399
00:25:32.820 --> 00:25:36.460
So what, and so I don't, like, how do I,

400
00:25:36.460 --> 00:25:37.860
I mean, you keep it light, right?

401
00:25:37.860 --> 00:25:39.580
And like, so.

402
00:25:39.580 --> 00:25:41.220
Well, the good thing is, is this first date,

403
00:25:41.220 --> 00:25:43.320
we're gonna actually curate the whole thing.

404
00:25:43.320 --> 00:25:44.160
So, I mean.

405
00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:45.260
Oh, you actually curate it?

406
00:25:45.260 --> 00:25:46.100
Okay.

407
00:25:46.100 --> 00:25:47.580
Yeah, yeah.

408
00:25:47.580 --> 00:25:49.100
We're curating it.

409
00:25:49.100 --> 00:25:52.180
So we're gonna tell you where to go, what to do.

410
00:25:52.180 --> 00:25:53.660
It's gonna be like an actual date.

411
00:25:53.660 --> 00:25:54.980
So you guys will both go somewhere.

412
00:25:54.980 --> 00:25:57.220
Like, you know, you're gonna go on a date

413
00:25:57.220 --> 00:25:58.860
and then, you know, we'll have questions

414
00:25:58.860 --> 00:26:01.940
for you to ask each other and maybe a game to play together.

415
00:26:01.940 --> 00:26:04.500
You know, we're gonna, we'll help you out.

416
00:26:04.500 --> 00:26:05.420
Okay, cool.

417
00:26:05.420 --> 00:26:06.260
So.

418
00:26:06.260 --> 00:26:07.900
But to answer Mike's question,

419
00:26:07.900 --> 00:26:10.500
long distance is really a whole different beast, you guys.

420
00:26:10.500 --> 00:26:11.980
It's very difficult.

421
00:26:13.220 --> 00:26:14.420
It's very difficult,

422
00:26:14.420 --> 00:26:17.500
especially if you deal with avoidant attachment.

423
00:26:17.500 --> 00:26:19.540
So if you deal with avoidant attachment,

424
00:26:19.540 --> 00:26:22.540
all of you should have taken, Daniel might not have.

425
00:26:22.540 --> 00:26:24.980
Daniel, did you take our attachment quiz yet?

426
00:26:24.980 --> 00:26:26.000
Okay, you did?

427
00:26:28.220 --> 00:26:29.380
I haven't taken the quiz yet,

428
00:26:29.380 --> 00:26:32.220
but I've studied up on attachment styles.

429
00:26:32.220 --> 00:26:33.100
And you have?

430
00:26:34.020 --> 00:26:34.980
What are you?

431
00:26:34.980 --> 00:26:37.300
I'm a anxious attacher.

432
00:26:37.300 --> 00:26:38.500
Anxious, okay.

433
00:26:38.500 --> 00:26:42.660
So anxious attachers have a tendency in long distance,

434
00:26:42.660 --> 00:26:43.780
not that Daniel would do this,

435
00:26:43.780 --> 00:26:46.180
but anxious attachers have a tendency

436
00:26:46.180 --> 00:26:49.540
to go in fast and love bomb, okay?

437
00:26:49.540 --> 00:26:52.020
Get really emotionally connected really fast,

438
00:26:52.020 --> 00:26:55.580
end up like saying things that they later regret

439
00:26:55.740 --> 00:26:57.980
because the in-person chemistry

440
00:26:57.980 --> 00:27:00.220
can't sustain the online chemistry.

441
00:27:00.220 --> 00:27:02.060
And then they're like, ooh.

442
00:27:02.060 --> 00:27:04.340
But they've already told this person that they love them

443
00:27:04.340 --> 00:27:05.980
or just all kinds of stuff, okay?

444
00:27:05.980 --> 00:27:09.260
I have a bunch of people like that right now.

445
00:27:09.260 --> 00:27:10.980
And then avoidant attachment

446
00:27:10.980 --> 00:27:14.180
is like the kryptonite of long distance

447
00:27:14.180 --> 00:27:17.900
because you don't need an excuse to cut and run,

448
00:27:17.900 --> 00:27:19.620
but now you have a perfect one.

449
00:27:20.620 --> 00:27:25.100
So, do you see how that's a match made in hell, right?

450
00:27:25.100 --> 00:27:26.780
That is not good

451
00:27:26.780 --> 00:27:30.460
because you're already looking for reasons to get out

452
00:27:30.460 --> 00:27:33.900
and long distance is gonna give you all of the reasons

453
00:27:33.900 --> 00:27:35.220
that you need for that.

454
00:27:35.220 --> 00:27:40.060
So, we have to heal the roots of avoidance

455
00:27:40.060 --> 00:27:41.700
so that you can be successful.

456
00:27:41.700 --> 00:27:42.540
But I would not,

457
00:27:42.540 --> 00:27:46.380
I definitely do not recommend long distance relationship

458
00:27:46.380 --> 00:27:47.940
right out of the gate with someone

459
00:27:47.940 --> 00:27:49.580
who's just starting to date,

460
00:27:49.580 --> 00:27:51.260
get their feet in the dating pool

461
00:27:51.700 --> 00:27:55.700
if you have been classified as avoidant attached.

462
00:27:57.060 --> 00:27:59.580
Let's lay off long distance for a little while

463
00:27:59.580 --> 00:28:01.620
and get you some in-person connection

464
00:28:01.620 --> 00:28:03.260
so that we can heal some stuff

465
00:28:03.260 --> 00:28:05.820
before you just jump into the deep end of the pool,

466
00:28:05.820 --> 00:28:06.780
which is long distance.

467
00:28:06.780 --> 00:28:07.820
Does that sound okay?

468
00:28:09.220 --> 00:28:12.060
Who tested out avoidant attach

469
00:28:13.660 --> 00:28:15.060
or disordered attachment,

470
00:28:15.060 --> 00:28:17.340
which would be anxious avoidant?

471
00:28:17.340 --> 00:28:18.220
Just Chris?

472
00:28:19.220 --> 00:28:21.340
I'm an avoidant attacher as well.

473
00:28:21.340 --> 00:28:23.420
So, me and Chris are in the same boat.

474
00:28:24.900 --> 00:28:27.380
The other, I mean, can you comment on this Jackie?

475
00:28:27.380 --> 00:28:29.580
The other thing is it's like really difficult

476
00:28:29.580 --> 00:28:32.780
to kind of really assess the situation.

477
00:28:32.780 --> 00:28:35.660
I've been in connection with people

478
00:28:35.660 --> 00:28:39.300
that are awesome fun to just talk to,

479
00:28:39.300 --> 00:28:41.300
but something just doesn't jive in person.

480
00:28:41.300 --> 00:28:43.180
And that's really hard to like,

481
00:28:43.180 --> 00:28:46.140
it's really hard to come to a decision on that,

482
00:28:46.500 --> 00:28:49.620
especially when you bring in the exhaustion

483
00:28:49.620 --> 00:28:51.100
of traveling back and forth

484
00:28:51.100 --> 00:28:55.820
and managing like almost like two lives

485
00:28:55.820 --> 00:28:56.740
and you're together.

486
00:28:56.740 --> 00:28:59.060
And it's like, this isn't really jelling,

487
00:28:59.060 --> 00:29:00.900
but like they're a lot of fun to talk to

488
00:29:00.900 --> 00:29:02.580
and you don't wanna take advantage of them.

489
00:29:02.580 --> 00:29:04.820
It's just like, it's hard to figure out.

490
00:29:05.700 --> 00:29:06.740
It is hard to figure out.

491
00:29:06.740 --> 00:29:08.860
It's hard to figure out for everybody.

492
00:29:08.860 --> 00:29:11.980
Another problem with long distance

493
00:29:11.980 --> 00:29:15.100
and avoidant tendencies

494
00:29:15.180 --> 00:29:19.420
is that avoidant people tend to be very idealist,

495
00:29:19.420 --> 00:29:22.620
very purist when it comes to a lot of things,

496
00:29:22.620 --> 00:29:24.300
not just relationship.

497
00:29:24.300 --> 00:29:29.300
And your definition of in-person, not jelling

498
00:29:30.100 --> 00:29:33.100
and someone else's that has more of a secure attach

499
00:29:33.100 --> 00:29:36.460
or an anxious attach is just not the same.

500
00:29:36.460 --> 00:29:39.260
Okay, and so you're gonna have really high standards

501
00:29:39.260 --> 00:29:42.300
of what it is that you're expecting to feel

502
00:29:42.300 --> 00:29:43.500
or have happen.

503
00:29:44.300 --> 00:29:46.300
And that's where we have to start digging into that

504
00:29:46.300 --> 00:29:50.020
because you guys, relationship just really isn't perfect.

505
00:29:50.020 --> 00:29:52.820
And I know that we're all expecting to have that

506
00:29:52.820 --> 00:29:55.260
for the relationship to have that it factor

507
00:29:55.260 --> 00:29:57.340
that just tells us it's the right one.

508
00:29:58.620 --> 00:30:00.220
But I feel like that's becoming.

509
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.720
or more scarce in the culture that we live in.

510
00:30:03.720 --> 00:30:07.240
And the reason why is because people are just guarded.

511
00:30:07.240 --> 00:30:09.400
You know, people are not showing you their true selves.

512
00:30:09.400 --> 00:30:12.080
A lot of people have trauma-based identities going on.

513
00:30:12.080 --> 00:30:12.920
They don't even know it.

514
00:30:12.920 --> 00:30:13.960
Just because we love Jesus

515
00:30:13.960 --> 00:30:16.360
doesn't make everything better now.

516
00:30:16.360 --> 00:30:18.520
A lot of women have a lot of hurt

517
00:30:18.520 --> 00:30:20.480
and a lot of fear around men.

518
00:30:20.480 --> 00:30:22.340
Yeah, they wanna be with a man,

519
00:30:22.340 --> 00:30:25.680
but they also have a lot of bad experiences with men.

520
00:30:25.680 --> 00:30:27.880
And so there's a lot of things that are gonna cause

521
00:30:27.920 --> 00:30:32.480
there to not be necessarily that chemistry

522
00:30:32.480 --> 00:30:35.840
or synergy from the very beginning.

523
00:30:35.840 --> 00:30:36.920
Okay?

524
00:30:36.920 --> 00:30:38.560
And Chris specifically, you know,

525
00:30:40.440 --> 00:30:42.880
he is, because of his unique state,

526
00:30:42.880 --> 00:30:44.800
is probably gonna attract women

527
00:30:44.800 --> 00:30:47.000
that are part of Revival Stream Church

528
00:30:47.000 --> 00:30:48.900
that have never been married,

529
00:30:48.900 --> 00:30:52.640
maybe not even ever been in a long-term relationship

530
00:30:52.640 --> 00:30:54.280
and don't have any children.

531
00:30:54.280 --> 00:30:56.080
And I'm not saying that these women

532
00:30:56.080 --> 00:30:58.440
have not mastered the divine feminine arts,

533
00:30:58.440 --> 00:31:00.280
but I am saying they have not mastered

534
00:31:00.280 --> 00:31:01.920
the divine feminine arts.

535
00:31:01.920 --> 00:31:02.760
Okay?

536
00:31:02.760 --> 00:31:04.520
Meaning God has made us divinely feminine

537
00:31:04.520 --> 00:31:07.520
and we nurture that and we grow in that

538
00:31:07.520 --> 00:31:09.600
as we have more and more experiences

539
00:31:09.600 --> 00:31:13.880
to use our empathy and our compassion and our patience

540
00:31:13.880 --> 00:31:17.000
and, you know, just all different types of things

541
00:31:17.000 --> 00:31:19.000
that I believe live in the divine feminine.

542
00:31:19.000 --> 00:31:21.520
And I believe this is why the book of Titus says,

543
00:31:21.520 --> 00:31:23.960
hey, you learned women,

544
00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:26.760
teach the younger women how to be women.

545
00:31:27.760 --> 00:31:29.440
You know, teach the younger women

546
00:31:29.440 --> 00:31:31.680
specifically what does it say?

547
00:31:31.680 --> 00:31:34.720
It talks about teaching them about their dealings

548
00:31:34.720 --> 00:31:37.560
with their husbands or their children or with men

549
00:31:37.560 --> 00:31:38.400
and with, you know,

550
00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:40.520
with those more domestic responsibilities.

551
00:31:41.600 --> 00:31:44.140
And we don't have a lot of that happening.

552
00:31:45.640 --> 00:31:46.520
Right?

553
00:31:46.520 --> 00:31:48.960
So we have a lot of women that are just,

554
00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:50.200
they really don't,

555
00:31:51.200 --> 00:31:54.560
they really don't know how to navigate this either.

556
00:31:54.560 --> 00:31:58.240
And so you and them, you plus them is going to,

557
00:31:58.240 --> 00:32:03.240
you know, probably equal some misunderstandings.

558
00:32:04.280 --> 00:32:05.360
Does that make sense?

559
00:32:06.840 --> 00:32:07.760
Actually not.

560
00:32:07.760 --> 00:32:08.640
Can you clarify?

561
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:10.160
I don't want to take up the conversation,

562
00:32:10.160 --> 00:32:12.720
but I'm like, can you clarify what you're saying?

563
00:32:12.720 --> 00:32:16.000
What I'm saying is, is that there's a lot of people

564
00:32:17.080 --> 00:32:19.360
that have either been raised in the church

565
00:32:19.400 --> 00:32:22.280
or they come from, you know,

566
00:32:22.280 --> 00:32:24.960
really extensive church background, ministry school,

567
00:32:24.960 --> 00:32:26.240
all that, and they all kind of fit

568
00:32:26.240 --> 00:32:28.160
in the same category as women.

569
00:32:28.160 --> 00:32:30.680
They don't have a lot of experience

570
00:32:30.680 --> 00:32:32.740
with romantic relationship.

571
00:32:33.800 --> 00:32:34.640
They don't.

572
00:32:34.640 --> 00:32:36.080
No one's ever taught them.

573
00:32:36.080 --> 00:32:38.060
They have a lot of ideas about it

574
00:32:38.060 --> 00:32:39.880
that are just not correct.

575
00:32:39.880 --> 00:32:40.720
Right?

576
00:32:40.720 --> 00:32:43.120
They have not been nurtured in the divine feminine

577
00:32:43.120 --> 00:32:44.560
just in general.

578
00:32:44.560 --> 00:32:46.640
And so they're going to be a little bit more rigid,

579
00:32:46.640 --> 00:32:48.680
especially if they're in their thirties and forties,

580
00:32:48.680 --> 00:32:50.640
because that baby clock's ticking.

581
00:32:50.640 --> 00:32:53.400
They feel like this is what they were created to do.

582
00:32:53.400 --> 00:32:55.920
And they're going to,

583
00:32:55.920 --> 00:32:58.180
they're not going to want you to waste their time,

584
00:32:58.180 --> 00:33:01.680
but also they're not going to understand

585
00:33:01.680 --> 00:33:04.240
how to have patience with the process.

586
00:33:04.240 --> 00:33:06.040
It's not going to be a yes until it's a no.

587
00:33:06.040 --> 00:33:07.920
They're going to put way too much emphasis

588
00:33:07.920 --> 00:33:10.280
on the connection from the very beginning,

589
00:33:11.300 --> 00:33:14.120
which is inevitably going to cause someone's feelings

590
00:33:14.120 --> 00:33:16.440
to get hurt when it doesn't turn out

591
00:33:16.440 --> 00:33:18.680
to be a courtship or a marriage.

592
00:33:18.680 --> 00:33:20.320
And so we're working on the other side

593
00:33:20.320 --> 00:33:23.440
to try to get women to,

594
00:33:23.440 --> 00:33:25.240
these specific women,

595
00:33:25.240 --> 00:33:26.840
this genre of women,

596
00:33:26.840 --> 00:33:28.880
because we have a lot of them in our community,

597
00:33:28.880 --> 00:33:30.060
to just relax.

598
00:33:31.220 --> 00:33:32.720
Just go with the flow.

599
00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:33.840
Just take it slow.

600
00:33:33.840 --> 00:33:34.880
Get to know this person.

601
00:33:34.880 --> 00:33:36.080
Have fun with them.

602
00:33:36.080 --> 00:33:38.320
Don't need to know whether they're your husband

603
00:33:38.320 --> 00:33:41.960
within three weeks of talking to them or one visit.

604
00:33:41.960 --> 00:33:43.520
Because that is where,

605
00:33:43.520 --> 00:33:44.740
especially with long distance,

606
00:33:44.740 --> 00:33:49.260
that is where people start getting their feelings hurt

607
00:33:50.340 --> 00:33:53.380
and start feeling like their time has been wasted

608
00:33:53.380 --> 00:33:55.060
or feeling like they've been let on.

609
00:33:55.060 --> 00:33:57.180
There's just a whole host of things

610
00:33:57.180 --> 00:33:58.780
that people start feeling

611
00:33:58.780 --> 00:34:02.240
when they're not prioritizing

612
00:34:02.240 --> 00:34:04.420
just getting to know someone in connection,

613
00:34:04.420 --> 00:34:07.140
but they're prioritizing marriage and baby making.

614
00:34:09.940 --> 00:34:11.820
Does that make sense?

615
00:34:11.820 --> 00:34:12.739
Yeah, that makes sense.

616
00:34:12.739 --> 00:34:15.260
Would you encourage people,

617
00:34:15.260 --> 00:34:16.739
this is entirely hypothetical,

618
00:34:16.739 --> 00:34:17.780
but would you encourage,

619
00:34:17.780 --> 00:34:18.900
especially maybe women,

620
00:34:18.900 --> 00:34:21.659
to date multiple people

621
00:34:21.659 --> 00:34:23.620
and not focus on one person?

622
00:34:23.620 --> 00:34:25.060
I do encourage them to.

623
00:34:25.060 --> 00:34:27.000
I do encourage them to date multiple people,

624
00:34:27.000 --> 00:34:29.739
which is such a scandal.

625
00:34:29.739 --> 00:34:31.820
But yes, I do.

626
00:34:33.620 --> 00:34:34.659
I want them to,

627
00:34:34.659 --> 00:34:37.060
especially those that don't have any dating experience,

628
00:34:37.060 --> 00:34:40.260
which is a lot of the type of woman that I just described.

629
00:34:40.260 --> 00:34:41.620
They don't have any dating experience

630
00:34:42.420 --> 00:34:43.820
because they're just waiting to be courted and married.

631
00:34:43.820 --> 00:34:44.780
They're waiting for someone to come

632
00:34:44.780 --> 00:34:46.179
and court them and marry them

633
00:34:46.179 --> 00:34:50.500
so they can go and make sourdough bread and have babies,

634
00:34:50.500 --> 00:34:52.179
which is great.

635
00:34:52.179 --> 00:34:56.980
But you might have to meet a few guys

636
00:34:56.980 --> 00:34:58.860
before you find that guy,

637
00:34:58.860 --> 00:34:59.940
and that's okay.

638
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.280
Or before that guy finds you, I should say.

639
00:35:03.280 --> 00:35:04.280
Hi Bob.

640
00:35:04.280 --> 00:35:12.840
If you're dating multiple people, it lowers the stakes and the emotional pain.

641
00:35:12.840 --> 00:35:13.840
Isn't it great?

642
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:17.520
And here's what I have found about dating multiple people, and I would suggest you guys

643
00:35:17.520 --> 00:35:23.840
do this too, especially at that level two, which should be low stakes level.

644
00:35:23.840 --> 00:35:25.880
People will weed themselves out.

645
00:35:25.880 --> 00:35:28.840
If you let them, people will weed themselves out.

646
00:35:28.840 --> 00:35:29.840
They will.

647
00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:33.600
They will either give you an ultimatum.

648
00:35:33.600 --> 00:35:38.840
They'll show themselves to be really rigid, uncompromising, like it's going to be their

649
00:35:38.840 --> 00:35:42.440
way or the highway of how this is going to go.

650
00:35:42.440 --> 00:35:46.920
Or whoever else they're talking to will catch their interest more, and then they'll start

651
00:35:46.920 --> 00:35:51.040
being less and less communicative until they're gone.

652
00:35:51.040 --> 00:35:54.560
Or you guys will get to know each other and you'll realize, hey, there isn't really any

653
00:35:54.560 --> 00:35:59.800
romantic connection here, but you're cool, I'm cool, we're good friends.

654
00:35:59.800 --> 00:36:03.440
Maybe you can become wing women, wing men for each other.

655
00:36:03.440 --> 00:36:07.680
A lot of women bring men into our community because they went on a date with them, two,

656
00:36:07.680 --> 00:36:12.360
three dates, and there wasn't anything there, but they're like, hey, I know about a thousand

657
00:36:12.360 --> 00:36:13.360
single women.

658
00:36:13.360 --> 00:36:15.040
Would you like to meet them?

659
00:36:15.040 --> 00:36:17.840
And then they bring the guy over here.

660
00:36:17.840 --> 00:36:28.720
So you guys, we have to stop being so offended at this area of our lives.

661
00:36:28.720 --> 00:36:33.560
You don't have to try to fit everyone into that puzzle piece.

662
00:36:33.560 --> 00:36:34.680
You don't.

663
00:36:34.680 --> 00:36:36.520
You're allowed to get to know people.

664
00:36:36.520 --> 00:36:39.920
You're allowed to enjoy people and getting to know them.

665
00:36:39.920 --> 00:36:48.000
And if something starts to grow that's beyond friendship, wonderful, great.

666
00:36:48.000 --> 00:36:52.240
I mean, we have so many success stories in this community.

667
00:36:52.240 --> 00:36:57.520
We love it when that happens, but if it doesn't, then it's not the end of the world and it

668
00:36:57.520 --> 00:37:01.280
doesn't make you a criminal.

669
00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:04.360
Guys, I want you to know that.

670
00:37:04.360 --> 00:37:09.320
It doesn't make you a criminal just because you're getting to know a woman and you just

671
00:37:09.320 --> 00:37:25.240
can't get past those initial good vibe, friend feelings for her.

672
00:37:25.240 --> 00:37:30.440
In fact, I don't know that this is true, but I'm going to say it anyway.

673
00:37:30.440 --> 00:37:39.600
And that is, I feel like your ability to not feel romantic or sexual towards every woman

674
00:37:39.600 --> 00:37:47.080
you meet will actually make you a more loyal and good husband.

675
00:37:47.080 --> 00:37:50.720
It's just a hypothesis that I just came up with right now, but it seems like it might

676
00:37:50.720 --> 00:37:51.720
be true.

677
00:37:51.720 --> 00:37:55.360
So, all right, who else has questions?

678
00:37:55.360 --> 00:37:57.760
So Chris, does that help at all?

679
00:37:57.760 --> 00:38:03.600
And Chris, once again, you're dealing with a very specific type of girl and you may want

680
00:38:03.600 --> 00:38:09.560
to try dating a woman who's divorced or has a child already.

681
00:38:09.560 --> 00:38:14.160
Someone whose baby clock is not ringing off the hook and trying to rush, rush, rush you

682
00:38:14.160 --> 00:38:16.600
to the altar.

683
00:38:16.600 --> 00:38:29.360
No, my question has to do with the fact is that I kind of have a good number of deal

684
00:38:29.360 --> 00:38:31.760
breakers or things that could be deal breakers.

685
00:38:31.760 --> 00:38:39.520
So it's kind of, I guess it's kind of difficult navigating that.

686
00:38:39.520 --> 00:38:41.640
Could you give us a couple of examples, Andy?

687
00:38:41.680 --> 00:38:53.200
Well, OK, well, the primary one is that I'm Catholic and whoever I marry has to have been

688
00:38:53.200 --> 00:38:54.520
never married.

689
00:38:54.520 --> 00:38:59.120
And then also, like, she has to be willing for me to raise the kids Catholic, even if

690
00:38:59.120 --> 00:39:03.560
she's not Catholic.

691
00:39:03.560 --> 00:39:12.600
And beyond the religious thing, I also hold a controversial belief about vaccines.

692
00:39:12.600 --> 00:39:19.880
I'm completely anti-vax and I would not want my kids to get vaccinated at all.

693
00:39:19.880 --> 00:39:23.080
So that might be a point of contention.

694
00:39:23.080 --> 00:39:24.080
Not in this community.

695
00:39:24.080 --> 00:39:25.080
Really?

696
00:39:25.080 --> 00:39:28.480
I think you'll find most of the women in this community are totally anti-vax.

697
00:39:28.480 --> 00:39:35.200
So big pharma, big pharma is the devil, anti-vax, like that's pretty much the mantra around

698
00:39:35.200 --> 00:39:36.200
here.

699
00:39:36.200 --> 00:39:38.800
Everyone's all, you know, RFK all the way.

700
00:39:38.800 --> 00:39:39.800
Awesome.

701
00:39:39.800 --> 00:39:40.800
Yeah, I love RFK.

702
00:39:40.800 --> 00:39:41.800
Yeah.

703
00:39:41.800 --> 00:39:44.480
You found, you found your tribe for sure.

704
00:39:44.480 --> 00:39:49.000
I'm also into alternative medicine and a lot of people are weirded out by that.

705
00:39:49.000 --> 00:39:50.760
No, not here.

706
00:39:50.760 --> 00:39:51.760
Awesome.

707
00:39:51.760 --> 00:39:52.760
Yeah.

708
00:39:52.760 --> 00:39:56.520
I'm actually learning about something called German new medicine, which is like the most

709
00:39:56.520 --> 00:39:58.720
controversial of all medicines.

710
00:39:58.720 --> 00:39:59.600
Okay.

711
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.200
Well, listen, we got, we have, and you know, Catholic, Catholics are having their moment.

712
00:40:05.200 --> 00:40:08.280
You guys notice that Catholics are having their moment right now.

713
00:40:08.280 --> 00:40:10.960
I think I definitely know that's by God's design.

714
00:40:10.960 --> 00:40:15.200
A lot of prominent Catholics are raising up in the media and talking about how you can

715
00:40:15.200 --> 00:40:20.200
be Catholic and have a personal relationship with Jesus and, you know, no Holy Spirit,

716
00:40:20.200 --> 00:40:21.200
all of those things.

717
00:40:21.200 --> 00:40:22.200
And so that's exciting.

718
00:40:22.200 --> 00:40:24.120
I'm excited for that.

719
00:40:24.120 --> 00:40:28.480
But you know, women could also convert to Catholicism if they're not Catholic already,

720
00:40:28.480 --> 00:40:29.960
if that's what they want to do.

721
00:40:29.960 --> 00:40:32.200
Andy, so keep that in mind.

722
00:40:32.200 --> 00:40:35.800
We do have Catholic women in this group.

723
00:40:35.800 --> 00:40:40.920
As far as what would it be considered Orthodox Catholic, what kind of Catholic, like, I know

724
00:40:40.920 --> 00:40:44.720
that there's, there's just like every other denomination of Christianity.

725
00:40:44.720 --> 00:40:51.360
There's people that are, you know, have different varying beliefs, but the whole can't be divorced,

726
00:40:51.360 --> 00:40:55.080
you know, no, I'm assuming you don't believe in birth control as well.

727
00:40:55.080 --> 00:40:56.080
Correct.

728
00:40:56.080 --> 00:40:57.080
Okay.

729
00:40:58.080 --> 00:41:01.240
That's like, I think we use the word devout, right?

730
00:41:01.240 --> 00:41:02.240
Devout Catholic.

731
00:41:02.240 --> 00:41:03.240
Is that what we would say?

732
00:41:03.240 --> 00:41:04.240
Yeah.

733
00:41:04.240 --> 00:41:05.240
Yeah.

734
00:41:05.240 --> 00:41:06.240
Okay.

735
00:41:06.240 --> 00:41:07.520
So yeah, that's, you're right.

736
00:41:07.520 --> 00:41:12.400
That's a very niche match, but it's possible for sure.

737
00:41:12.400 --> 00:41:13.400
Yeah.

738
00:41:13.400 --> 00:41:18.000
Well, that's, that's good to hear.

739
00:41:18.000 --> 00:41:19.000
Yeah.

740
00:41:19.000 --> 00:41:24.920
I mean, there's, there's, there's a, there's, there's people on board with that for sure.

741
00:41:24.920 --> 00:41:34.080
So also, also I have had trouble in the past because I have ADD.

742
00:41:34.080 --> 00:41:37.520
That's kind of been a turnoff for women.

743
00:41:37.520 --> 00:41:45.680
I don't know why it would be, but well, you know, as a fellow ADD year, I don't know either.

744
00:41:45.680 --> 00:41:46.680
Yeah.

745
00:41:46.680 --> 00:41:52.880
I mean, I'm just being me, you know, I, I misplaced things and I don't always know the

746
00:41:52.880 --> 00:41:53.880
right manners.

747
00:41:53.880 --> 00:42:01.520
Well, look, there's a lot of people that we call neurodivergent or neuro spicy now in

748
00:42:01.520 --> 00:42:02.520
the world.

749
00:42:02.520 --> 00:42:06.480
And I think that that's becoming more and more a topic of conversation, just the same

750
00:42:06.480 --> 00:42:09.480
as mental health or emotional health.

751
00:42:09.480 --> 00:42:13.960
And so I think that you're living during a time where your unique design would be more

752
00:42:13.960 --> 00:42:18.720
appreciated than maybe you felt like it was in the past, but everyone, this is for everyone,

753
00:42:18.720 --> 00:42:20.040
not just Andy.

754
00:42:20.040 --> 00:42:26.040
Let's make sure that we are not just readily receiving labels on ourselves that have more

755
00:42:26.040 --> 00:42:30.040
to do with trauma than they do with our unique neuro design.

756
00:42:30.040 --> 00:42:31.040
Okay.

757
00:42:31.040 --> 00:42:35.600
I believe all of us are different, but I also know that trauma creates different versions

758
00:42:35.600 --> 00:42:36.600
of us.

759
00:42:36.600 --> 00:42:37.600
Okay.

760
00:42:37.600 --> 00:42:42.160
And so we need to make sure that even that our unique design is not being exacerbated

761
00:42:42.160 --> 00:42:44.880
in a negative way by unhealed trauma.

762
00:42:44.880 --> 00:42:50.560
So let's make sure that we're doing that heartwork and, um, and because I definitely

763
00:42:50.560 --> 00:42:57.640
have changed a lot, um, from the heartwork as far as the way that, um, my mind works.

764
00:42:57.640 --> 00:43:02.680
Um, I used to have, I used to be what they called, um, I used to have what they called

765
00:43:02.680 --> 00:43:06.580
OCD and I don't have that anymore.

766
00:43:06.580 --> 00:43:09.240
And the reason why is because I really didn't have OCD.

767
00:43:09.240 --> 00:43:14.960
I had was unhealed trauma that caused me to be extremely obsessive and compulsive and

768
00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:19.280
my mind, uh, would go in loops.

769
00:43:19.280 --> 00:43:26.480
And so, um, that has really changed over the years as I have gotten healing, inner healing.

770
00:43:26.480 --> 00:43:32.600
And so, so let's put all of those things like over here with God and say, Hey, these are

771
00:43:32.600 --> 00:43:34.720
the things that I believed about myself.

772
00:43:34.720 --> 00:43:37.920
Um, but I'm allowing you to add more information.

773
00:43:37.920 --> 00:43:41.840
I'm allowing you to give me more information about these things because a lot of times

774
00:43:41.840 --> 00:43:48.520
you guys, what people put a label on in the doctor's offices is actually a gift that's

775
00:43:48.520 --> 00:43:54.400
been overextended by trauma and now it's become a weakness.

776
00:43:54.400 --> 00:43:55.760
Does that make sense to everyone?

777
00:43:55.760 --> 00:44:02.840
It was a gift that you had, but it became overextended by traumatic events and now it's

778
00:44:02.840 --> 00:44:04.440
become a weakness for you.

779
00:44:04.440 --> 00:44:05.440
All right.

780
00:44:05.440 --> 00:44:07.880
So let's make sure that we know the difference.

781
00:44:07.880 --> 00:44:08.880
Cool.

782
00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:09.880
Yep.

783
00:44:09.880 --> 00:44:10.880
Okay.

784
00:44:10.880 --> 00:44:11.880
All right.

785
00:44:11.880 --> 00:44:14.480
Um, and you guys, I'm in a complimentary opposites.

786
00:44:14.480 --> 00:44:18.280
If you have any questions about that, David and I are very complimentary opposite.

787
00:44:18.280 --> 00:44:23.520
Uh, I think it's one of the, uh, the selling points of the relationship when we first met.

788
00:44:23.520 --> 00:44:27.600
We do have some things in common that, you know, make us understand each other.

789
00:44:27.600 --> 00:44:31.840
But besides being a man and being a woman, the other things that we have opposite is

790
00:44:31.840 --> 00:44:35.400
pretty much everything else.

791
00:44:35.400 --> 00:44:37.760
Everything that we do, the way we do it.

792
00:44:37.760 --> 00:44:43.520
Um, but the thing is, is that we have that unique commonality of understanding.

793
00:44:43.520 --> 00:44:49.560
Uh, but the way we go about doing that thing that we both understand needs to be done is

794
00:44:49.560 --> 00:44:55.640
totally polar opposite and complimentary opposite.

795
00:44:55.640 --> 00:44:57.840
So what do you do if you don't share any hobbies?

796
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.000
If you don't share hobbies,

797
00:45:01.000 --> 00:45:02.960
I don't think that's a deal breaker.

798
00:45:02.960 --> 00:45:04.600
David and I don't share any hobbies.

799
00:45:04.600 --> 00:45:06.760
He just spent all day golfing.

800
00:45:06.760 --> 00:45:09.400
Not that he does that often, but he does love to golf.

801
00:45:09.400 --> 00:45:10.760
I don't love to golf.

802
00:45:10.760 --> 00:45:12.820
Now, I don't mind driving the cart around,

803
00:45:12.820 --> 00:45:16.080
but I think that healthy couples have time

804
00:45:16.080 --> 00:45:17.880
where they pursue things

805
00:45:17.880 --> 00:45:20.440
that the other person's not interested in.

806
00:45:20.440 --> 00:45:23.200
Now, but the trade-off there is that

807
00:45:23.200 --> 00:45:25.000
you do have things that you do together.

808
00:45:25.000 --> 00:45:26.200
They might not be hobbies,

809
00:45:26.200 --> 00:45:28.660
but they may be friend groups that you enjoy,

810
00:45:28.660 --> 00:45:31.540
a spiritual community that you enjoy together.

811
00:45:31.540 --> 00:45:33.820
If you can find something like a hobby

812
00:45:33.820 --> 00:45:35.200
that you enjoy doing together,

813
00:45:35.200 --> 00:45:37.660
like going to thrift stores on the weekends,

814
00:45:37.660 --> 00:45:39.420
or maybe you both like coffee,

815
00:45:39.420 --> 00:45:41.340
so going to a coffee shop,

816
00:45:41.340 --> 00:45:44.460
trying out a new coffee shop here and there,

817
00:45:44.460 --> 00:45:46.000
I think that those things are important,

818
00:45:46.000 --> 00:45:50.440
but you do not have to have all these hobbies in common.

819
00:45:54.540 --> 00:45:57.460
Jackie, how long do you let some of those differences

820
00:45:59.660 --> 00:46:02.140
mature, develop over time?

821
00:46:02.140 --> 00:46:05.100
I guess one of the things that emerged for me

822
00:46:05.100 --> 00:46:09.060
were some early, just early observations,

823
00:46:09.060 --> 00:46:10.500
like I wouldn't call them,

824
00:46:10.500 --> 00:46:11.940
I don't like the words flags.

825
00:46:11.940 --> 00:46:15.680
I don't distinct their observations to pay attention to.

826
00:46:17.220 --> 00:46:20.140
And I guess the way that I was approaching

827
00:46:20.140 --> 00:46:24.060
my last relationship was to just let them emerge,

828
00:46:24.060 --> 00:46:26.380
stay curious, stay open,

829
00:46:26.380 --> 00:46:29.380
see how they developed,

830
00:46:30.300 --> 00:46:34.020
to see where the good might come from those differences.

831
00:46:37.300 --> 00:46:39.700
And as I reflect back,

832
00:46:39.700 --> 00:46:42.140
I guess my question is what I'm wondering is,

833
00:46:42.140 --> 00:46:46.380
should I have talked about those differences

834
00:46:46.380 --> 00:46:47.740
as they emerged?

835
00:46:48.860 --> 00:46:51.060
And just like being curious in the moment

836
00:46:51.060 --> 00:46:53.820
to talk about them versus just make them observations

837
00:46:53.820 --> 00:46:55.140
and just give it more time to see

838
00:46:55.140 --> 00:46:58.860
how they kind of marinate over time.

839
00:46:58.860 --> 00:47:00.540
I don't know if you have advice,

840
00:47:00.540 --> 00:47:02.300
but none of them were like deal breakers.

841
00:47:02.300 --> 00:47:03.940
Like I didn't have a list of deal breakers

842
00:47:03.940 --> 00:47:05.660
going into this last relationship,

843
00:47:05.660 --> 00:47:08.380
but so that would call minor,

844
00:47:08.380 --> 00:47:11.140
if that's a fair word to use.

845
00:47:11.140 --> 00:47:16.140
Yeah, I have some interesting advice on this one.

846
00:47:17.460 --> 00:47:21.780
One of the things that relationships from the olden days,

847
00:47:21.780 --> 00:47:24.420
the ones that lasted 40, 50, 60 years

848
00:47:24.420 --> 00:47:27.380
and the good relationships that I studied

849
00:47:27.380 --> 00:47:28.260
before I wrote that book,

850
00:47:28.260 --> 00:47:29.740
Married in 12 Months or Less,

851
00:47:30.860 --> 00:47:33.380
one of the things that they all had in common,

852
00:47:33.380 --> 00:47:35.460
this is that book by the way,

853
00:47:35.460 --> 00:47:39.860
is they didn't spend this much time

854
00:47:39.860 --> 00:47:42.660
trying to figure each other out before they got married.

855
00:47:42.660 --> 00:47:46.820
You guys, there's so many things now

856
00:47:46.820 --> 00:47:49.700
that people try to figure out about the other person

857
00:47:49.700 --> 00:47:52.700
and they try to see if it's gonna be compatible.

858
00:47:52.700 --> 00:47:55.660
There's so many things

859
00:47:55.660 --> 00:47:58.340
that will just be worked out in marriage.

860
00:47:58.340 --> 00:48:00.100
They'll just be worked out in marriage.

861
00:48:00.100 --> 00:48:01.220
They will.

862
00:48:01.220 --> 00:48:04.940
And there's just really no other answer for it besides that.

863
00:48:04.940 --> 00:48:07.860
And that's why I encourage you guys from the very beginning,

864
00:48:07.860 --> 00:48:09.940
let's have a list of non-negotiables.

865
00:48:09.940 --> 00:48:11.580
Let's have a list of deal breakers,

866
00:48:11.580 --> 00:48:14.060
but let's make sure that they're from heaven.

867
00:48:14.060 --> 00:48:15.500
Let's make sure that they're not attached

868
00:48:15.500 --> 00:48:17.660
to previous trauma that's not healed.

869
00:48:18.620 --> 00:48:20.820
Let's make sure that they're not attached to stereotypes,

870
00:48:20.820 --> 00:48:24.300
that they're not attached to some sort of sexual addiction

871
00:48:24.300 --> 00:48:28.220
that you might have that's not healed from,

872
00:48:28.220 --> 00:48:31.700
and or trauma from a past sexual addiction.

873
00:48:31.700 --> 00:48:35.980
The guys that I coach that have had long battles

874
00:48:35.980 --> 00:48:40.380
with pornography also have horrible avoidant attachment

875
00:48:40.380 --> 00:48:43.900
because their minds have really been altered

876
00:48:43.900 --> 00:48:45.380
by the images they've seen

877
00:48:45.380 --> 00:48:47.220
as far as what women should look like

878
00:48:47.980 --> 00:48:49.780
and just all different types of things.

879
00:48:49.780 --> 00:48:52.500
And so let's make sure that none of your non-negotiables

880
00:48:52.500 --> 00:48:57.220
or your deal breakers are based on anything

881
00:48:57.220 --> 00:48:58.820
that they shouldn't be based on,

882
00:48:58.820 --> 00:49:00.180
but just things from heaven.

883
00:49:00.180 --> 00:49:01.820
Like for instance, Mike just told us,

884
00:49:01.820 --> 00:49:04.180
I have a non-negotiable that I can't relocate.

885
00:49:05.380 --> 00:49:07.500
He has a minor child.

886
00:49:07.500 --> 00:49:08.420
He's a father.

887
00:49:08.420 --> 00:49:09.740
He's got to take care of his kid.

888
00:49:09.740 --> 00:49:10.940
That's his responsibility.

889
00:49:10.940 --> 00:49:12.180
That's his priority.

890
00:49:12.180 --> 00:49:14.140
So in this season of his life,

891
00:49:14.140 --> 00:49:15.380
okay, that might not always be true,

892
00:49:15.380 --> 00:49:18.780
but right now it's true that one of his non-negotiables

893
00:49:18.780 --> 00:49:20.700
is that he cannot relocate.

894
00:49:20.700 --> 00:49:23.860
So whoever he dates from the very beginning, you guys,

895
00:49:23.860 --> 00:49:27.420
he has to make sure that before he gets overly involved,

896
00:49:27.420 --> 00:49:28.580
that they are willing,

897
00:49:28.580 --> 00:49:31.860
if they would fall in love, to relocate.

898
00:49:31.860 --> 00:49:34.860
So it's appropriate for him on those first few dates,

899
00:49:34.860 --> 00:49:36.900
if there's chemistry, if they're having fun,

900
00:49:36.900 --> 00:49:39.460
to make sure that he brings that up

901
00:49:39.460 --> 00:49:40.980
because there isn't any reason

902
00:49:40.980 --> 00:49:44.540
why we should start something that we can't finish.

903
00:49:45.380 --> 00:49:46.220
Right?

904
00:49:47.220 --> 00:49:49.540
Hey, Jackie, I have a question about that.

905
00:49:49.540 --> 00:49:50.780
Okay.

906
00:49:50.780 --> 00:49:53.900
Or I went on, I checked out the Spiritmate match profile

907
00:49:53.900 --> 00:49:55.620
and it doesn't, there's not a,

908
00:49:55.620 --> 00:49:58.660
I didn't see a box or a toggle or anything

909
00:49:58.660 --> 00:50:00.100
of like willing to relocate.

910
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.280
I did see something about do you have minor children. So I don't know if that was the

911
00:50:05.280 --> 00:50:11.520
placeholder for relocation openness. That's what Mike said too. David, can you check that out?

912
00:50:11.520 --> 00:50:15.600
Because I thought in preferences, it said whether or not you could relocate. If not,

913
00:50:15.600 --> 00:50:19.760
we need to make sure that that is added right away. I'm going to check that out right now.

914
00:50:19.760 --> 00:50:25.920
But what I think it is, is that on one of the particular questions on relocating, the answer

915
00:50:26.720 --> 00:50:32.800
depends on, it's not just yes, no, whatever. I think it's yes, no, can't, or cannot because

916
00:50:32.800 --> 00:50:38.880
of legal or like situational reasons. So it's more of the answer that is multiple choice. I'll

917
00:50:38.880 --> 00:50:45.840
look at it right now though to see which one that is, just so we saw that. And check out whether

918
00:50:45.840 --> 00:50:50.160
or not there's a long distance, like open to long distance, see if that's there too. I thought it

919
00:50:50.160 --> 00:50:59.280
was. I think from what I saw, it said that there wasn't a choice to be you're open to long

920
00:50:59.280 --> 00:51:08.080
distance, but not willing to relocate. It was either you're dating single, you're dating local.

921
00:51:08.080 --> 00:51:10.160
I understand. I understand what you're saying. Okay.

922
00:51:10.160 --> 00:51:15.600
Yeah. Because if I would be willing to date long distance, if she was able to move here.

923
00:51:16.560 --> 00:51:21.200
Right. And the computer should pick that up. They should pick up that you're willing to

924
00:51:21.200 --> 00:51:25.440
date someone long distance if they're open to relocating. So it would still match you.

925
00:51:26.400 --> 00:51:30.960
So we'll check into that. You guys will definitely dig into that. David's looking at it now,

926
00:51:30.960 --> 00:51:37.600
but we'll dig into it. I see Steven has joined us, maybe from his car in Ohio. Steven also is new.

927
00:51:37.600 --> 00:51:51.200
So, hey, Steven. For those of you, please raise your hand really quickly. If you feel like your

928
00:51:51.200 --> 00:51:56.240
age range of woman might be a woman who still wants to have biological children and you are

929
00:51:56.240 --> 00:52:03.840
open to that, or you're wanting that to raise your hand. If you think that your age range of woman

930
00:52:04.400 --> 00:52:09.680
would be someone who's still trying to have a biological baby, like herself.

931
00:52:15.440 --> 00:52:19.120
Okay. So some of you don't have your hand up, even though you're in that age bracket,

932
00:52:19.120 --> 00:52:25.440
like Abram, you're 39. So very easily your age bracket of woman might be someone,

933
00:52:25.440 --> 00:52:28.880
but you're saying you're okay with a woman who's passed those years too. Is that why

934
00:52:28.880 --> 00:52:42.240
you don't have your hand up? I don't know if it's like a heavenly excuse or whatever, but

935
00:52:43.360 --> 00:52:48.880
I just think somebody younger, preferably with the kids thing. But I know obviously women have

936
00:52:48.880 --> 00:52:54.000
been having kids in their thirties for all of mankind. I was just asking why you didn't have

937
00:52:54.000 --> 00:52:58.000
your hand up, because I'm assuming that you want kids still. Yes. Yes. I'm sorry. Maybe I missed.

938
00:52:58.480 --> 00:53:04.480
Okay. No, that's okay. I might've made it very confusing. So raise your hand if you want

939
00:53:04.480 --> 00:53:11.600
children still, or you think that your match would still want children because of the age you are in

940
00:53:11.600 --> 00:53:19.680
the age range that you are going to be attracting. Is that good? Okay. So you guys, for those of you

941
00:53:19.680 --> 00:53:24.880
that are dealing with women in their baby making years, you guys, those women are going to need to

942
00:53:24.880 --> 00:53:29.200
be moving faster. They want to be moving faster. They're going to be, they're going to be moving

943
00:53:29.200 --> 00:53:33.920
faster. And that means they're going to try to move you faster. You please, you have to understand

944
00:53:33.920 --> 00:53:41.760
this. Okay. Especially if they don't have any kids, if they've never had a baby, whether they've

945
00:53:41.760 --> 00:53:46.160
been married or not married, but they've never had a baby and they are in their late thirties or

946
00:53:46.160 --> 00:53:52.320
early forties, they do not want to date anyone for any significant amount of time that is not going

947
00:53:52.320 --> 00:53:57.440
to marry them. And you might ask Jackie, what's the significant amount of time to a baby making

948
00:53:57.440 --> 00:54:07.760
age woman, more than three months. Okay. You cannot, you got to make a decision on whether

949
00:54:07.760 --> 00:54:13.600
or not you want to escalate that to a serious relationship in, in less than in three months or

950
00:54:13.600 --> 00:54:22.000
less. Okay. Because they really are afraid that they are not going to have a baby. And you might

951
00:54:22.000 --> 00:54:28.560
be like, well, are they just looking for, you know, a sperm donor? Some of them are. And so,

952
00:54:28.560 --> 00:54:34.080
I mean, they're literally take anyone who has a pulse in some sperm. And so listen,

953
00:54:34.880 --> 00:54:39.600
you got to watch that. You got to watch and make sure that this woman's not falling in love with

954
00:54:39.600 --> 00:54:44.640
you just because she feels like the search is over and she can just move on with her agenda

955
00:54:44.640 --> 00:54:51.520
of having a family and doing whatever. And how do you do that? Well, you, you make sure that,

956
00:54:51.520 --> 00:54:55.760
you know, if you're deciding to date this person for more than, you know, six weeks,

957
00:54:55.760 --> 00:54:59.840
say you're on a handful of dates, you start, you start digging.

958
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.420
into you know what does her timeline look like for her life. You know start

959
00:55:06.420 --> 00:55:10.260
asking questions about hey you know where do you see yourself a year from

960
00:55:10.260 --> 00:55:15.660
now 24 months from now. That stuff will come to the surface pretty quick. You

961
00:55:15.660 --> 00:55:20.580
know if she sees herself 24 months from now married with a baby then you should

962
00:55:20.580 --> 00:55:24.840
know that. Don't you think? It's important and some of you might be right on board

963
00:55:24.840 --> 00:55:29.520
with that. Like Andy like he's like hey all the babies all the time bring them

964
00:55:29.520 --> 00:55:34.000
on you know and that's fine. I've never had a problem of going too slow. I

965
00:55:34.000 --> 00:55:40.840
typically have a problem going too fast. So the thing a eager woman to

966
00:55:40.840 --> 00:55:46.840
get married like it wouldn't be that I'm like oh I just want to take my time and

967
00:55:46.840 --> 00:55:51.000
everything. It would be the opposite would be to blindly go into it. That

968
00:55:51.000 --> 00:55:56.480
would be my tendency. Right and we're gonna help you to not blindly go into

969
00:55:56.480 --> 00:56:00.760
the wrong thing. Okay we're not gonna go help you go you're gonna help you not

970
00:56:00.760 --> 00:56:05.160
go blindly off a cliff but that's why I mentioned you because you're like you're

971
00:56:05.160 --> 00:56:10.120
right on board with that. Like let's go but there's a lot of gentlemen here that

972
00:56:10.120 --> 00:56:16.880
have a hard time picking up the pace. Okay and so if you are in that age

973
00:56:16.880 --> 00:56:21.160
bracket where you're gonna marry a woman that wants children still I just want to

974
00:56:21.160 --> 00:56:27.480
warn you. I know you already know this but I want to warn you again that that's

975
00:56:27.480 --> 00:56:34.240
not something to be trifled with. Okay very important. All right and you guys

976
00:56:34.240 --> 00:56:37.600
you might you might wonder why this has happened. You guys know Millennials are

977
00:56:37.600 --> 00:56:45.880
gonna be 70% unmarried. They're already 56% unmarried y'all Millennials. Okay by

978
00:56:46.120 --> 00:56:52.160
the time it's all said and done it's supposed to get up to 70% and so this is

979
00:56:52.160 --> 00:56:57.080
an issue and I feel like there's a lot of attachment issues. That is the reason

980
00:56:57.080 --> 00:57:01.200
why I think there's a lot of fear and when it comes to Christian Millennials I

981
00:57:01.200 --> 00:57:05.560
think it has to do with the fear of divorce, of choosing wrong, of being

982
00:57:05.560 --> 00:57:10.360
outside of God's proverbial will. There's a whole bunch of stuff that goes into

983
00:57:10.360 --> 00:57:14.080
that and we're trying to unpack that with people. We've been successful and

984
00:57:14.120 --> 00:57:16.640
we're going to continue to be successful because this is part of what God's

985
00:57:16.640 --> 00:57:25.560
called us to do is help people get out of their own way. But I think that really

986
00:57:25.560 --> 00:57:30.600
quickly if you do your own work and you know that you're in a healthy place to

987
00:57:30.600 --> 00:57:35.120
attach like you're you're getting there at least I think that you can trust

988
00:57:35.120 --> 00:57:41.720
those those first kind of levels of chemistry and attraction. I think you

989
00:57:41.720 --> 00:57:45.800
could trust it. If you're doing the work I think you can trust it because I think

990
00:57:45.800 --> 00:57:52.880
that more than a woman a man knows more than a woman does. Okay and if you're

991
00:57:52.880 --> 00:57:58.880
trying to force it in yourself, you're trying to make it happen, you're trying

992
00:57:58.880 --> 00:58:03.160
to justify the logistics of it and different things kind of like mathing

993
00:58:03.160 --> 00:58:08.400
and making the math math, that means you're in your head. This is important I

994
00:58:08.400 --> 00:58:12.840
want you guys to hear this. This area of your life is not a place that you come

995
00:58:12.840 --> 00:58:17.720
out with logic. This is a place that has to be a heart game. You cannot lead this

996
00:58:17.720 --> 00:58:21.840
area of your life from your head. You have to be able to lead from your heart.

997
00:58:21.840 --> 00:58:26.360
That's why you're here to do heart work because if your heart can't do this then

998
00:58:26.360 --> 00:58:30.120
you're gonna be stuck. You're gonna be stuck in constantly trying to figure it

999
00:58:30.120 --> 00:58:34.680
out intellectually and that's where you start making pros and con lists. You

1000
00:58:34.680 --> 00:58:39.640
start finding fault with people and you know seeing flags that are not there

1001
00:58:39.640 --> 00:58:45.680
because you're in your logical mind. Can I tell you that falling in love is like

1002
00:58:45.680 --> 00:58:50.360
a moment kind of insanity. It's a little bit of insanity that happens

1003
00:58:50.360 --> 00:58:58.880
there okay. Yes a lot of it doesn't make sense and when you're falling in love

1004
00:58:58.880 --> 00:59:03.040
with someone all the things that would deter you if you're coming at it from

1005
00:59:03.040 --> 00:59:09.520
your head. All the liabilities. All the things that we haven't figured out yet.

1006
00:59:09.520 --> 00:59:14.560
All the like what what what Ken was talking about. All the I'm not sure if

1007
00:59:14.560 --> 00:59:17.400
this is a compatibility or an incompatibility. It's not a deal-breaker

1008
00:59:17.400 --> 00:59:23.260
but are we compatible. All that little minutiae it goes out the window. You're

1009
00:59:23.260 --> 00:59:29.000
not worried about that because you're not here you're here and I know that

1010
00:59:29.000 --> 00:59:33.080
people have probably made you think that that's dangerous but it's only

1011
00:59:33.080 --> 00:59:39.920
dangerous if you have an unhealthy heart. An unhealthy heart that's still looking

1012
00:59:39.920 --> 00:59:46.440
to try to fix childhood trauma with a marriage. That's trying to fix you know

1013
00:59:46.440 --> 00:59:51.600
some sort of loneliness or desperation or some sort of trauma-based identity

1014
00:59:51.600 --> 00:59:56.760
with a relationship and that's why the work that you do here it's made you more

1015
00:59:56.760 --> 01:00:01.640
and more and more qualified

1016
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.440
to go pick your spirit mate.

1017
01:00:04.640 --> 01:00:06.380
Does that make sense to anybody?

1018
01:00:06.380 --> 01:00:07.780
You guys are following me?

1019
01:00:07.780 --> 01:00:08.620
Yeah. Okay.

1020
01:00:11.300 --> 01:00:12.140
You're qualified.

1021
01:00:12.140 --> 01:00:13.260
I know that you're still scared

1022
01:00:13.260 --> 01:00:15.500
and you're scared because you're living up here.

1023
01:00:15.500 --> 01:00:16.440
Get down here.

1024
01:00:17.360 --> 01:00:18.900
You're scared because you're trying

1025
01:00:18.900 --> 01:00:22.260
to make all the things fit.

1026
01:00:22.260 --> 01:00:23.540
They're not gonna fit.

1027
01:00:23.540 --> 01:00:25.860
When David and I got married,

1028
01:00:25.860 --> 01:00:27.140
he had a ministry job

1029
01:00:28.140 --> 01:00:30.900
that paid like $42,000 a year

1030
01:00:30.900 --> 01:00:32.820
for the last 10 years of it.

1031
01:00:32.820 --> 01:00:33.660
Okay?

1032
01:00:33.660 --> 01:00:35.540
He got divorced at that ministry job

1033
01:00:35.540 --> 01:00:38.620
and they like put him in the back room

1034
01:00:38.620 --> 01:00:39.620
so no one could see him

1035
01:00:39.620 --> 01:00:41.660
because you're not allowed to be divorced.

1036
01:00:41.660 --> 01:00:44.020
So like he got demoted, demoted, demoted,

1037
01:00:44.020 --> 01:00:45.540
demoted, demoted, right?

1038
01:00:46.780 --> 01:00:47.620
And that-

1039
01:00:47.620 --> 01:00:50.640
He was also driving a 94 Buick Century.

1040
01:00:50.640 --> 01:00:51.660
Yes, you guys.

1041
01:00:51.660 --> 01:00:53.220
That car blew up while I was driving

1042
01:00:53.220 --> 01:00:55.480
and it caught fire, caught fire.

1043
01:00:55.480 --> 01:00:58.560
Like on paper, David did not have it going on.

1044
01:00:58.560 --> 01:01:00.800
I did not look pretty at all.

1045
01:01:00.800 --> 01:01:02.560
It was a train wreck.

1046
01:01:02.560 --> 01:01:04.240
It was a train wreck.

1047
01:01:04.240 --> 01:01:06.060
It was, it was.

1048
01:01:07.120 --> 01:01:09.480
But that did not stop him from shooting his shot.

1049
01:01:09.480 --> 01:01:12.760
That did not stop him from going after the girl next door

1050
01:01:12.760 --> 01:01:17.760
and 17 years later, I think it's gonna work out.

1051
01:01:18.240 --> 01:01:23.040
So, but you guys, there were so many logistical things

1052
01:01:23.040 --> 01:01:25.600
that would have been like a bad idea.

1053
01:01:25.600 --> 01:01:27.360
All this blended family stuff

1054
01:01:27.360 --> 01:01:30.440
and his former wife had so much hard work to do

1055
01:01:30.440 --> 01:01:34.720
and just so much stuff that would deter anyone.

1056
01:01:34.720 --> 01:01:36.360
It would deter anyone if they were,

1057
01:01:36.360 --> 01:01:38.060
if they were coming at it from here.

1058
01:01:38.060 --> 01:01:38.900
Okay?

1059
01:01:38.900 --> 01:01:40.160
This reality would not be

1060
01:01:40.160 --> 01:01:42.360
if we would have stopped to think about it.

1061
01:01:45.080 --> 01:01:46.160
Yes.

1062
01:01:46.160 --> 01:01:47.920
And I know a lot of you have heard horror stories

1063
01:01:47.920 --> 01:01:49.280
of people rushing in too fast

1064
01:01:49.280 --> 01:01:51.480
and ending up in a relationship with someone who's abusive

1065
01:01:51.480 --> 01:01:55.040
or someone who's unfaithful and all the things.

1066
01:01:55.040 --> 01:01:57.740
And that's why you're here to do the hard work

1067
01:01:57.740 --> 01:02:01.060
because God will show you what you're willing to see.

1068
01:02:02.040 --> 01:02:02.880
Okay?

1069
01:02:02.880 --> 01:02:05.280
He will show you what you're willing to see.

1070
01:02:05.280 --> 01:02:09.800
And also, you won't be coming at something

1071
01:02:09.800 --> 01:02:11.280
from a place of lust.

1072
01:02:11.280 --> 01:02:12.120
Okay?

1073
01:02:12.120 --> 01:02:14.040
You'll be coming out something from a place of connection.

1074
01:02:14.040 --> 01:02:15.160
Lust is a blinder.

1075
01:02:15.160 --> 01:02:16.000
It's true.

1076
01:02:16.000 --> 01:02:17.360
It definitely is.

1077
01:02:17.360 --> 01:02:19.760
But you won't be coming at it out of desperation,

1078
01:02:19.760 --> 01:02:22.480
out of lust, out of the need for, you know,

1079
01:02:22.480 --> 01:02:24.720
some kind of physical gratification.

1080
01:02:24.720 --> 01:02:26.240
Your spirit and your soul,

1081
01:02:28.000 --> 01:02:30.460
your heart part will be signing off on it.

1082
01:02:30.460 --> 01:02:32.880
And then your body will be jumping on board.

1083
01:02:34.440 --> 01:02:36.940
That's the trajectory that we want to have happen.

1084
01:02:38.960 --> 01:02:40.640
And as long as you're doing the work in here,

1085
01:02:40.640 --> 01:02:43.320
I'm telling you, it works.

1086
01:02:43.320 --> 01:02:44.760
It works.

1087
01:02:44.760 --> 01:02:48.280
And plus, if you get with someone crazy,

1088
01:02:48.280 --> 01:02:49.480
we're going to tell you.

1089
01:02:51.400 --> 01:02:52.680
Yeah.

1090
01:02:52.680 --> 01:02:54.000
We're going to tell you.

1091
01:02:55.360 --> 01:02:57.320
I will say, babe, by the way,

1092
01:02:57.320 --> 01:02:58.440
you're doing a really good job.

1093
01:02:58.440 --> 01:03:01.040
This is, you ought to consider doing this like full-time

1094
01:03:01.040 --> 01:03:01.880
or something like that.

1095
01:03:01.880 --> 01:03:03.640
I mean, you're really good at this.

1096
01:03:03.640 --> 01:03:04.640
So.

1097
01:03:04.640 --> 01:03:05.600
You're such a goof.

1098
01:03:05.600 --> 01:03:06.440
You're such a goof.

1099
01:03:06.440 --> 01:03:07.260
I'm just trying to encourage you.

1100
01:03:07.260 --> 01:03:08.100
I'm just trying to lift you up.

1101
01:03:08.100 --> 01:03:08.940
I'm just telling you.

1102
01:03:08.940 --> 01:03:09.760
Thanks.

1103
01:03:09.760 --> 01:03:10.600
Thanks, babe.

1104
01:03:10.600 --> 01:03:11.440
I think you are.

1105
01:03:14.920 --> 01:03:17.720
It's funny because as I'm hearing this conversation going

1106
01:03:18.080 --> 01:03:21.480
and I'm just kind of listening, it's obvious.

1107
01:03:21.480 --> 01:03:23.680
It's like the thing that, you know,

1108
01:03:23.680 --> 01:03:25.340
most people ask the questions like, you know,

1109
01:03:25.340 --> 01:03:26.600
what is it you need to have in order?

1110
01:03:26.600 --> 01:03:28.280
What are the basic things you need to have

1111
01:03:28.280 --> 01:03:30.280
in order to like make this connection

1112
01:03:30.280 --> 01:03:31.560
and make something work?

1113
01:03:31.560 --> 01:03:36.560
And if there were just one thing that it would be

1114
01:03:36.880 --> 01:03:38.520
in terms of Arab compatibility,

1115
01:03:38.520 --> 01:03:40.040
it's that healed heart thing.

1116
01:03:40.040 --> 01:03:41.800
And I know we make such a big deal about it,

1117
01:03:41.800 --> 01:03:44.200
but it really is true because I'm just listening

1118
01:03:44.200 --> 01:03:45.720
to all these scenarios.

1119
01:03:45.720 --> 01:03:47.920
I'm putting together other scenarios

1120
01:03:47.920 --> 01:03:50.400
that I know of in our community and so forth.

1121
01:03:50.400 --> 01:03:52.480
And I was just with a guy that's a part

1122
01:03:52.480 --> 01:03:56.320
of our community today and hearing his story.

1123
01:03:56.320 --> 01:03:59.040
And it's so funny, but all the problems come in

1124
01:03:59.040 --> 01:04:02.800
when you have two people who don't have healed hearts

1125
01:04:02.800 --> 01:04:05.560
or one of them doesn't have a healed heart.

1126
01:04:05.560 --> 01:04:09.200
And nobody's gonna be 100% like perfect.

1127
01:04:09.200 --> 01:04:10.760
It's not about being perfect.

1128
01:04:10.760 --> 01:04:13.040
It's just about having a healthy heart.

1129
01:04:13.040 --> 01:04:16.400
That's the one ingredient that has to be,

1130
01:04:16.400 --> 01:04:20.280
I think probably your greatest asset

1131
01:04:20.280 --> 01:04:23.760
because all the other incompatibility things,

1132
01:04:23.760 --> 01:04:25.840
style, what you like, what you don't like,

1133
01:04:25.840 --> 01:04:27.200
the way you think, all that kind of stuff.

1134
01:04:27.200 --> 01:04:28.820
Yeah, you wanna line up on some of those things,

1135
01:04:28.820 --> 01:04:32.760
but in terms of the thing that will like get you there,

1136
01:04:32.760 --> 01:04:36.000
like I knew that in spite of like, again,

1137
01:04:36.000 --> 01:04:37.880
had we stopped to think about all the details,

1138
01:04:37.880 --> 01:04:40.720
we probably, I don't know what would have happened,

1139
01:04:40.720 --> 01:04:42.840
but there was something about Jackie.

1140
01:04:43.640 --> 01:04:45.120
And I think she feels the same way about me

1141
01:04:45.120 --> 01:04:47.600
that we knew that there was something healthy

1142
01:04:47.600 --> 01:04:50.680
about our understanding of who God was

1143
01:04:50.680 --> 01:04:53.640
and who God was to us in our life.

1144
01:04:53.640 --> 01:04:54.640
Did we have trauma?

1145
01:04:54.640 --> 01:04:56.200
Did we have a lot of things that we had to work through?

1146
01:04:56.200 --> 01:04:59.200
Did we just come through divorces recently

1147
01:04:59.200 --> 01:05:00.600
right before we got there?

1148
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.800
married and so forth of that. Yes, there was a lot of things that were on the, you know, that were

1149
01:05:04.800 --> 01:05:13.680
that were maybe troublesome in terms of that kind of thing. But we knew that there was that sort of

1150
01:05:13.680 --> 01:05:20.880
heart healthiness to a degree. And of course, we've come so far being together. But I can just

1151
01:05:20.880 --> 01:05:27.920
tell you that that's the thing. And you can't be afraid of you can't have you can't be afraid of

1152
01:05:27.920 --> 01:05:35.760
problems. Yeah, you are you are you are 100% going to have problems with your spouse 1000%

1153
01:05:36.960 --> 01:05:41.600
you're going to, okay, there's going to be times when they're upset with you,

1154
01:05:41.600 --> 01:05:46.640
there's going to be times when they should be upset with you. Okay, there's going to be times

1155
01:05:46.640 --> 01:05:52.480
that you're when you're upset with them. The number one thing of the healthy heart that Dave

1156
01:05:52.480 --> 01:06:02.240
was describing is a teachable heart. Yeah, okay, to God, right? A heart that can be like, like he

1157
01:06:02.240 --> 01:06:07.120
says, King David is the man after his own heart. What was King David like King David was a train

1158
01:06:07.120 --> 01:06:12.480
wreck a lot of times he made a lot of bad decisions. But he also was someone who would who

1159
01:06:12.480 --> 01:06:17.120
who could be shown his bad decisions. He was someone who could be taught he was someone who

1160
01:06:17.120 --> 01:06:22.240
could be coached. He was someone who could come into repentance. He was someone who could feel

1161
01:06:22.320 --> 01:06:30.800
remorse for what he's done. And as a result of that change. Yeah, right. The proof of I'm sorry

1162
01:06:30.800 --> 01:06:36.080
has changed behavior. So as long as you guys as long as you have a heart that is willing to

1163
01:06:37.840 --> 01:06:43.280
willing to be willing to to to ask for forgiveness, if you have a heart that's willing to

1164
01:06:43.280 --> 01:06:48.720
be checked by the Lord and be corrected by the people that you've placed around you for

1165
01:06:48.720 --> 01:06:53.920
accountability, that's the other thing. A good man that a woman is looking for is a man who has

1166
01:06:53.920 --> 01:07:00.560
accountability in his life. Right in whatever shape or form that is but good accountability

1167
01:07:00.560 --> 01:07:06.640
in his life that has other people that he's allowed to check him before he wrecks him.

1168
01:07:06.640 --> 01:07:11.200
And and that is what women are looking for. And I know that a lot of people think that women are

1169
01:07:11.200 --> 01:07:16.080
looking for a lot of money. This is what media is telling you. They're looking for a lot of money.

1170
01:07:16.080 --> 01:07:20.880
They're looking for a perfect body. They're looking for a really tall man. They're looking for,

1171
01:07:21.920 --> 01:07:26.800
you know, a guy who has a really great career and a really great future. If they're a church girl,

1172
01:07:26.800 --> 01:07:31.600
they're looking for a guy who's in full-time ministry or a pastor or whatever. None of that's

1173
01:07:31.600 --> 01:07:37.200
true. Are there women who are looking for men with money? A hundred percent. Are there women who are

1174
01:07:37.200 --> 01:07:42.800
looking for super tall men? A thousand percent. Are there women who are looking for pastors or

1175
01:07:42.800 --> 01:07:50.160
missionaries or you know, whatever? Yes, but there's also a woman who's looking for you

1176
01:07:50.880 --> 01:07:57.760
or wanting you to find her. Okay, let's not judge all the women based on those women.

1177
01:07:58.800 --> 01:08:03.600
Just like we teach women not to judge all the men based on the men that you know are out there

1178
01:08:03.600 --> 01:08:09.920
looking for sex. They're out there looking for, you know, pleasure. They're out there looking for

1179
01:08:09.920 --> 01:08:15.760
someone who they can take advantage of, who they can take from, who they can have support them

1180
01:08:15.760 --> 01:08:20.640
financially. There's all kinds of men out there that don't represent you, just like those women

1181
01:08:20.640 --> 01:08:27.279
don't represent your future spirit mates. And so don't get jaded on women. In fact, I'll go one

1182
01:08:27.279 --> 01:08:32.399
step further. In this season of your life, I would really encourage you to lay off the media that

1183
01:08:32.399 --> 01:08:41.680
makes women look that way. Okay? Unfaithful, you know, promiscuous, provocative, manipulative.

1184
01:08:42.880 --> 01:08:46.960
Just lay off the media because if you think it doesn't affect you in your day-to-day

1185
01:08:46.960 --> 01:08:52.479
dealings with women, you're wrong. It does. So stay away from that. All right?

1186
01:08:53.600 --> 01:08:57.600
Understand that there are a lot of good women that are trying their best that would make a

1187
01:08:57.600 --> 01:09:02.000
great partner for you that you would also be sexually, emotionally, mentally, physically,

1188
01:09:02.000 --> 01:09:09.200
spiritually, relationally attracted to. And all you got to do is pick one and start the long journey

1189
01:09:09.200 --> 01:09:16.800
of partnership. That's going to be a huge evolution of both of you. You're both going to change a lot.

1190
01:09:16.800 --> 01:09:21.120
The day that you say, I do at that altar, that's the least amount that you're ever going to love

1191
01:09:21.120 --> 01:09:27.760
that woman. You're going to love her more and more and more and more as time goes on.

1192
01:09:28.640 --> 01:09:33.120
The least amount. That's the smallest amount that you're going to love her.

1193
01:09:34.960 --> 01:09:35.460
That's good.

1194
01:09:38.479 --> 01:09:39.520
Is that correct, David?

1195
01:09:40.399 --> 01:09:43.520
Yes, it is. And you know, I'll add on that.

1196
01:09:43.520 --> 01:09:46.080
Good, because if not, I'm going to smother you in your sleep.

1197
01:09:46.080 --> 01:09:49.120
That's right. I know it. And I know how to protect myself.

1198
01:09:49.120 --> 01:09:56.000
We do threaten, honor killings in this family. We do threaten. We do honor killings in this

1199
01:09:56.000 --> 01:09:59.760
family. No, we don't. We're just kidding. It's totally not a good joke, but it is true.

1200
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.560
have honor in our family, not killings.

1201
01:10:02.560 --> 01:10:03.600
All right.

1202
01:10:03.600 --> 01:10:04.960
Well, and the converse to that,

1203
01:10:04.960 --> 01:10:06.760
you know what Jack just said about,

1204
01:10:06.760 --> 01:10:08.640
you know, not seeing women that way.

1205
01:10:08.640 --> 01:10:10.120
It's also just as frustrating,

1206
01:10:10.120 --> 01:10:12.200
some of the stories we get back from,

1207
01:10:12.200 --> 01:10:14.280
you know, people we hear within the community,

1208
01:10:14.280 --> 01:10:16.120
where, and they're not necessarily men

1209
01:10:16.120 --> 01:10:17.200
that are in our community,

1210
01:10:17.200 --> 01:10:19.120
but they, women that would have been

1211
01:10:19.120 --> 01:10:20.720
a part of our community somehow,

1212
01:10:20.720 --> 01:10:22.960
and, you know, got into a relationship with a man

1213
01:10:22.960 --> 01:10:24.760
who turned out to be something other than

1214
01:10:24.760 --> 01:10:28.280
what he originally showed himself to be, right?

1215
01:10:28.280 --> 01:10:31.200
And it's so frustrating because you sit there and go,

1216
01:10:31.200 --> 01:10:33.920
oh my God, what an asshole, you know?

1217
01:10:33.920 --> 01:10:35.800
Like you just sit there and look at it.

1218
01:10:35.800 --> 01:10:37.960
You guys really should hear some of these stories

1219
01:10:37.960 --> 01:10:40.800
because they really are so heartbreaking

1220
01:10:40.800 --> 01:10:42.000
and you can really understand

1221
01:10:42.000 --> 01:10:43.240
kind of where women are coming from.

1222
01:10:43.240 --> 01:10:45.560
Now, I'm not saying that there are not women out there

1223
01:10:45.560 --> 01:10:47.200
that don't do terrible things as well,

1224
01:10:47.200 --> 01:10:52.200
but it seems that the majority of these stories,

1225
01:10:52.680 --> 01:10:56.840
you know, the person that's acting badly or abusively

1226
01:10:56.840 --> 01:10:59.720
is more on the men's side, okay?

1227
01:10:59.720 --> 01:11:01.120
And so it's very unfortunate,

1228
01:11:01.120 --> 01:11:03.520
but you guys, some of these stories would just,

1229
01:11:03.520 --> 01:11:07.480
just really break your heart.

1230
01:11:07.480 --> 01:11:10.840
I bring that up because as I'm hearing that,

1231
01:11:10.840 --> 01:11:15.520
I'm also thinking of the guys that I see week after week

1232
01:11:15.520 --> 01:11:16.960
who are like, oh my God,

1233
01:11:18.040 --> 01:11:20.280
I already know the other side of that equation.

1234
01:11:20.280 --> 01:11:22.200
I know that there are great guys out there.

1235
01:11:22.200 --> 01:11:24.960
There's an amazing guys and they love Jesus.

1236
01:11:24.960 --> 01:11:26.120
And are they perfect?

1237
01:11:26.120 --> 01:11:27.760
No, but at the same time,

1238
01:11:27.760 --> 01:11:29.960
I'm like, I know there wouldn't be this guy.

1239
01:11:29.960 --> 01:11:30.880
You know what I'm saying?

1240
01:11:30.880 --> 01:11:33.640
So it's frustrating for me to see good guys

1241
01:11:33.640 --> 01:11:36.200
who are literally trying and literally just like,

1242
01:11:36.200 --> 01:11:38.320
they have all the stuff and they're thinking through it

1243
01:11:38.320 --> 01:11:39.880
and they're working through all of their hard work

1244
01:11:39.880 --> 01:11:41.280
and they're like considering things

1245
01:11:41.280 --> 01:11:43.560
and maybe even a little bit too much.

1246
01:11:43.560 --> 01:11:45.720
And at the same time, I'm like, those guys,

1247
01:11:45.720 --> 01:11:48.680
like, hello, we've got those guys over here.

1248
01:11:48.680 --> 01:11:50.680
Like, why can't we match that up with,

1249
01:11:50.680 --> 01:11:51.520
you know what I'm saying?

1250
01:11:51.520 --> 01:11:52.480
So it's just, it's so,

1251
01:11:52.480 --> 01:11:56.000
I wanna say that for kudos for you guys

1252
01:11:56.880 --> 01:11:58.640
who literally, I say this all the time,

1253
01:11:58.640 --> 01:12:00.400
one of the greatest things that guys can do

1254
01:12:00.400 --> 01:12:02.880
is just show up, period.

1255
01:12:02.880 --> 01:12:05.120
You know, sometimes all a woman wants just,

1256
01:12:05.120 --> 01:12:07.120
can I just have a guy that shows up?

1257
01:12:07.120 --> 01:12:09.600
Can I have a guy that just shows up and just like,

1258
01:12:09.600 --> 01:12:13.720
you know, is helpful, is like not critical

1259
01:12:13.720 --> 01:12:16.000
and just not a jerk, you know?

1260
01:12:16.000 --> 01:12:18.600
And I'm like, we see those guys all the time.

1261
01:12:18.600 --> 01:12:19.440
So, you know-

1262
01:12:19.440 --> 01:12:20.280
Here's the thing though,

1263
01:12:20.280 --> 01:12:24.120
if you feel like good guys finish last, all right,

1264
01:12:24.160 --> 01:12:27.640
and if you feel like women are not attracted to you,

1265
01:12:27.640 --> 01:12:29.960
even though you hold these qualities

1266
01:12:29.960 --> 01:12:32.320
that my husband is talking about right now,

1267
01:12:32.320 --> 01:12:35.040
I wanna tell you something that's gonna hurt your feelings,

1268
01:12:35.040 --> 01:12:35.880
and it should.

1269
01:12:35.880 --> 01:12:37.640
I want it to offend you

1270
01:12:37.640 --> 01:12:41.400
because I believe that offense is a catalyst, okay?

1271
01:12:41.400 --> 01:12:44.240
So if it offends you, good, and that is this,

1272
01:12:44.240 --> 01:12:49.240
you like and are attracted to the wrong type of women, okay?

1273
01:12:49.960 --> 01:12:51.680
If the women that you have gone after,

1274
01:12:51.680 --> 01:12:53.080
the women that you've been attracted to,

1275
01:12:53.080 --> 01:12:55.120
the women that you've tried to get into a relationship with,

1276
01:12:55.120 --> 01:12:57.640
they always reject you, they don't wanna date you,

1277
01:12:57.640 --> 01:13:00.720
they friend zone you, okay?

1278
01:13:00.720 --> 01:13:03.960
They act like you don't have anything valuable to offer.

1279
01:13:03.960 --> 01:13:05.480
You're not what they're looking for.

1280
01:13:05.480 --> 01:13:09.920
You are attracted to the wrong type of woman.

1281
01:13:09.920 --> 01:13:12.440
You are, okay?

1282
01:13:12.440 --> 01:13:14.040
And you're like, but that's my type.

1283
01:13:14.040 --> 01:13:15.600
No, it's not.

1284
01:13:15.600 --> 01:13:16.440
It's not your type.

1285
01:13:16.880 --> 01:13:18.480
No, it's not.

1286
01:13:18.480 --> 01:13:19.960
It's not your type, obviously,

1287
01:13:19.960 --> 01:13:22.000
because they don't like you back.

1288
01:13:22.000 --> 01:13:22.960
It's not your type.

1289
01:13:24.320 --> 01:13:25.960
It's not because you're not in the gym.

1290
01:13:25.960 --> 01:13:28.840
It's not because you don't have enough money, okay?

1291
01:13:28.840 --> 01:13:32.240
It's not because you're not three inches taller.

1292
01:13:32.240 --> 01:13:33.680
It doesn't have to do with that.

1293
01:13:33.680 --> 01:13:37.120
That type of woman, you've gotten in your head

1294
01:13:37.120 --> 01:13:40.120
that that is, that's the type of woman that I want,

1295
01:13:40.120 --> 01:13:42.120
but that type of woman doesn't want you.

1296
01:13:43.040 --> 01:13:45.040
And so obviously it's not a good match.

1297
01:13:45.920 --> 01:13:48.160
And I propose to you that you could fall in love

1298
01:13:48.160 --> 01:13:50.920
with a woman and feel passionate about a woman

1299
01:13:50.920 --> 01:13:53.920
that is passionate about you.

1300
01:13:53.920 --> 01:13:54.760
Yeah.

1301
01:13:54.760 --> 01:13:58.480
And all of a sudden, half of you thought in your mind,

1302
01:13:58.480 --> 01:14:01.120
Jackie's telling us to marry an ugly woman.

1303
01:14:01.120 --> 01:14:01.960
No, I'm not.

1304
01:14:03.560 --> 01:14:04.400
I'm not.

1305
01:14:04.400 --> 01:14:05.720
I'm not saying that at all, okay?

1306
01:14:05.720 --> 01:14:07.440
But that's what men are so afraid of.

1307
01:14:07.440 --> 01:14:09.800
God's gonna give me an ugly woman.

1308
01:14:09.800 --> 01:14:10.880
No, he's not.

1309
01:14:10.880 --> 01:14:12.000
He's not gonna do that.

1310
01:14:12.000 --> 01:14:15.120
But there's something about that type.

1311
01:14:15.120 --> 01:14:17.000
You might not be able to see it.

1312
01:14:17.000 --> 01:14:18.480
You can just see the outside of her.

1313
01:14:18.480 --> 01:14:20.360
You see how she interacts in community

1314
01:14:20.360 --> 01:14:21.280
or at your workplace,

1315
01:14:21.280 --> 01:14:23.240
wherever it is that you've met this woman.

1316
01:14:23.240 --> 01:14:24.440
You see the outside,

1317
01:14:24.440 --> 01:14:28.960
but God knows stuff about the inside of that woman, okay?

1318
01:14:28.960 --> 01:14:32.640
Personality situations inside of her,

1319
01:14:32.640 --> 01:14:37.040
compatibility stuff as far as being willing to compromise.

1320
01:14:37.040 --> 01:14:40.680
There's stuff about that woman that you cannot see

1321
01:14:40.720 --> 01:14:42.760
that are not compatible to you.

1322
01:14:43.720 --> 01:14:45.080
And you just don't know it.

1323
01:14:46.400 --> 01:14:48.920
And so I really wanna challenge you

1324
01:14:48.920 --> 01:14:50.560
to trust God with your type.

1325
01:14:51.440 --> 01:14:52.520
And so if any of you,

1326
01:14:52.520 --> 01:14:53.760
and I'm not gonna have you raise your hand,

1327
01:14:53.760 --> 01:14:56.040
this is just between you and God kind of moment.

1328
01:14:56.040 --> 01:15:00.280
If you have had several rejections by women.

1329
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.960
that you were really attracted to and that are the kind of like the type of women that you gravitate

1330
01:15:04.960 --> 01:15:10.000
towards. Doesn't matter if they're all different hair color, different size, different ethnicities,

1331
01:15:10.000 --> 01:15:14.720
there's something about those women that they have something in common that's causing you to

1332
01:15:14.720 --> 01:15:20.720
be attracted and they're not attracted back. If that has been your experience, I really want you

1333
01:15:20.720 --> 01:15:28.080
to give your type to the Lord. I want you to ask God, hey, show me why the women that I'm attracted

1334
01:15:28.080 --> 01:15:36.640
to are not attracted to me and help change my appetite, my type, my attractions towards a woman

1335
01:15:36.640 --> 01:15:42.160
that would be good for me, that I could be passionate about, and that is going to be

1336
01:15:42.160 --> 01:15:46.080
passionate about me in return. Can you guys do that? Will you do that as homework from this

1337
01:15:46.080 --> 01:15:51.520
session? Okay. You don't even have to report back. You don't. This is just a private thing.

1338
01:15:52.080 --> 01:15:58.640
Go ahead. My experience is that I've already given my type to the Lord like a long time ago,

1339
01:15:58.640 --> 01:16:05.360
but still getting rejected because I don't have a specific type that I'm looking for, but I feel

1340
01:16:05.360 --> 01:16:10.480
like I still get rejected. Well, Andy, there might be, you're brand new, so we've got to work with

1341
01:16:10.480 --> 01:16:14.960
you a little bit and kind of be able to pinpoint maybe some of the things that you can change up

1342
01:16:14.960 --> 01:16:19.120
to be more successful and we're going to do that. Okay. So get to know you a little bit,

1343
01:16:19.760 --> 01:16:24.640
kind of see how you're approaching women. Maybe it's the approach. It could be a couple different

1344
01:16:24.640 --> 01:16:30.320
things and so let's dig into that so we can help you. All right. You seem like a great guy and I'm

1345
01:16:30.320 --> 01:16:36.560
positive that there's a spirit made out there for you. All right. So we will work with you on what

1346
01:16:36.560 --> 01:16:42.480
it is that you can change up. Hunter, you as well. Those of you that feel like you're more

1347
01:16:42.480 --> 01:16:48.960
neurodivergent and you're not that good, like Andy said, maybe in social situations or with

1348
01:16:48.960 --> 01:16:55.440
social cues, you just have to sometimes have a little bit of coaching on how to navigate certain

1349
01:16:55.440 --> 01:17:01.760
things so that you can get past that. Okay. Because everyone can get past that as far as

1350
01:17:01.760 --> 01:17:06.880
be able to make connection, even if you have those things kind of working against you,

1351
01:17:06.880 --> 01:17:11.840
let's make them work for you instead of against you. All right. All right. Well, if no one has

1352
01:17:11.840 --> 01:17:16.960
any more questions for me, I'll just let David go ahead and close it out. Mike, you have a question

1353
01:17:16.960 --> 01:17:24.080
for me? No, I was saying bye. Thank you. All right. Thanks, guys. Appreciate you. All right.

1354
01:17:24.960 --> 01:17:31.280
Oh, go ahead. So first off, you said you had guys who struggle with porn and lust. I thought

1355
01:17:31.280 --> 01:17:37.040
porn addiction and struggle with porn and lust addiction is a legitimate

1356
01:17:37.040 --> 01:17:44.000
deal breaker, isn't it? People that have struggled with that in the past. All right. So they've

1357
01:17:44.000 --> 01:17:50.880
overcome that, but it still has kind of like messed up their brain a little bit. Right. So we

1358
01:17:50.880 --> 01:17:57.040
got to help them get past, you know, the effects or consequences of that addiction they used to have.

1359
01:17:58.080 --> 01:18:02.960
All right. Cool. But continue, but still have stuck on it is legitimate.

1360
01:18:05.200 --> 01:18:10.080
If you're still stuck in that, is it a deal breaker? Is that you're saying? Yeah, that's

1361
01:18:10.080 --> 01:18:14.960
well, if you're if you of course, if you're if you still have an active porn addiction,

1362
01:18:14.960 --> 01:18:18.800
we want to work on helping you get past that not helping you meet a girl.

1363
01:18:19.920 --> 01:18:24.400
Okay. Yeah. All right. All right. Okay, guys. I'll see you later.

1364
01:18:24.400 --> 01:18:36.320
Where is David? Did David leave? Do we lose David to

1365
01:18:40.560 --> 01:18:44.320
what is what? What in the world? What did he just do? I don't know.

1366
01:18:46.960 --> 01:18:52.000
I don't I don't know what his dealio is. He must have he must have misunderstood. Yeah,

1367
01:18:52.000 --> 01:18:54.960
he must have misunderstood. Okay. Do you guys not have any questions for him either?

1368
01:18:57.360 --> 01:19:00.560
There's always next week anyways. Yeah, there's always next week. And don't forget,

1369
01:19:00.560 --> 01:19:05.680
you guys, you have that extra they have that daytime slot and the evening slot. So if daytime

1370
01:19:05.680 --> 01:19:11.520
works better for you, you can come to that. Abraham, Abraham, Abraham, I went I went all

1371
01:19:11.520 --> 01:19:19.120
the all the way there. Abraham, Abraham and Mike will get you Mike your date, Abram your matches.

1372
01:19:19.120 --> 01:19:23.920
And Stephen, Stephen has a whole folder full of women that want to meet Stephen as well.

1373
01:19:23.920 --> 01:19:28.240
He's in his dating sabbatical. He's in his heartwork sabbatical right now. What week are

1374
01:19:28.240 --> 01:19:35.440
you on to? Did you make it to yet? Just started to. Okay, perfect. So So yeah, so we'll be we'll

1375
01:19:35.440 --> 01:19:40.880
be showing Stephen who his matches are. Stephen was spotlighted as well. And so Chris, we got to

1376
01:19:40.880 --> 01:19:45.840
get you going, bro. And Hunter. Yes. And Andy left already. So everyone else is gone. Ken,

1377
01:19:45.840 --> 01:19:52.000
Ty, everyone left. So we'll go ahead and let you guys go to we'll talk to you soon. Bye, everyone.