WEBVTT

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All right, so welcome to Love Seats.

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If this is your first Love Seat, we're so glad that you're here.

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Hopefully you're here from phase two, phase three, and the men's group.

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We wanted to invite phase two tonight, so hopefully they got the memo that they were

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invited tonight, because this is a time when we just have an open forum of dating and relationship

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questions.

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And before we get started tonight, I am going to do a few housekeeping items, but before

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I even do that, I want to see a hand.

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Use your little yellow avatar hand.

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Don't just raise your hand, okay, because we can't see you.

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Raise your little yellow avatar hand.

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Some of you have figured out how to make that a skin tone hand, and that's cool too.

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If it's a skin tone, that's fine.

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But raise that little virtual hand if you are in a level two or up relationship right

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now.

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You are talking to someone, it's getting more and more serious, or perhaps you're already

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being exclusive in that relationship.

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Maybe it's gone past exclusivity, and now it's a marriage-minded courtship happening.

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I'll give you guys a few minutes to get those hands up.

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I see two, four, six, eight.

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All right.

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Anybody else?

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Anybody else?

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Level two or beyond?

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Going once?

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Going twice?

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All right.

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Eight of you.

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Nine.

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I'm sorry.

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All right.

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Wonderful.

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Okay.

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I'm going to go ahead and put all your hands down.

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Thanks for that.

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Okay.

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I'm your little housekeeper.

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You guys, we are in such a fun era of last year single.

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I cannot tell you, I'm almost giddy because some things that are on the horizon are things

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that I have wanted to do for so long, and I like to have fun.

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I'm an Enneagram seven.

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I like to have fun.

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I prioritize fun.

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In fact, when it's not fun anymore, I have a tendency to not want to do it.

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I don't not do it because I'm also an Enneagram eight.

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I'm a seven eight.

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When my seven is just like, this isn't fun, my eight kicks in and is just like, but you're

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going to do it anyway.

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I'm like, okay.

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Yeah, I am.

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All right.

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It's all good.

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I'm not going to run out on you when things get hard, obviously, because I'm still here.

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We do have some fun things coming in this era, and one of those things is JackieDorman.com.

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You guys, have you ever noticed that there's no JackieDorman.com?

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Haven't you ever wondered about that?

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Like, hey, Jackie doesn't have a website.

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What's up with that?

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It's a long story, and it has to do with old partnerships and legal contracts and all kinds

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of crazy, but I will tell you that JackieDorman.com is coming soon.

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All right.

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The best way that you can keep up to date on that kind of stuff is to follow me on Instagram.

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So if you do not follow me on Instagram yet, please follow me.

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It's JackieDorman.

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Remember, Dorman only has one O. Some of you still email us, even though you have to type

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in admin at JackieDorman.com, and you still call me Jackie Dorman.

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I don't know how this is possible, since you just typed it in the thing, okay?

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So it's JackieDorman.com, but it's Jackie Dorman official, official.

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The word official has two Fs, O-F-F-I-C-I-A-L.

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You're like, Jackie, why does it have to be official?

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Because it's what was available, because someone else had Jackie Dorman.

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I don't know who that person is, but they had it, and then you had to put a number after

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it, and someone had Jackie Dorman up to like 400 and something, so that's why.

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There's a lot of Jackie Dormans out there, apparently, which is really interesting, right?

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And so it's official that I am Jackie Dorman, and that is my Instagram, and it also has

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a little blue checkmark.

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So if you don't see a little blue checkmark, then that's not me, even if it has a picture

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of me.

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It's not me, unless you see the little blue checkmark.

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You might be like, Jackie, why do you have a little blue checkmark?

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Doesn't that cost $15 a month?

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Yes, I'm glad you asked.

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It does cost $15 a month, and you know why I have it?

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Because I don't want people soliciting money from people pretending to be me.

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That's why.

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That happens all the time, doesn't it?

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And we do not want that happening here, so if you do not see that little blue checkmark

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on Instagram, then it's the wrong account.

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It's a fake account.

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It's not me, and report it while you're at it.

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If you don't see the little blue checkmark, make sure you report that account as not being

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real.

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Make sure that you look real closely, though.

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Don't be reporting me as a not real account.

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In fact, forget the reporting.

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I feel like someone's going to report me accidentally, and then Instagram's going to delete me.

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Don't report anything, okay?

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No reporting.

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All right, so go follow me over there, because that is where I will announce things.

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I'll announce it in here, too, but things like just the

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website launching. Okay, so that's almost launching. But what does that mean for you?

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You're an insider. Okay, you are at the you are the priority level of anything and everything

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that we do. And so if you see something over there, and you're like, Hey, why are these people

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getting this? They're not, they're not getting anything better than you. Anything that you see

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over there that's being talked about. All it is is bait to try to get them in here. Okay, that's it,

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I promise you. And so do not get any panties and any wads. Just understand that you are the

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priority and everything good will always come to you first. Cool. All right. That being said,

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guess what? Today we were talking about launching our merch line. Who wants some merch? Who wants

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merch? You guys I already had sticker packs design. They're so fun. You can declare it your

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last year single on your laptop on your coffee mug. You can say it's my last year single fixer

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uppers are for houses and not spouses. Right? It doesn't have to be easy just has to be worth it.

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There's all kinds of little isms in that sticker pack, all kinds of fun things. And guess what?

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You can get the toucan. You can get a toucan sticker. Doesn't that sound fun? You could slap

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that sucker somewhere and no one will know what it means. But you when someone asks you, Hey,

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what's that toucan all about? Well, I'm glad you asked. What about those t-shirts that everyone

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wants with the QR code on the back saying, you know, are you single or will you marry me? They

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scan it. They end up in this community, you know, kind of fun stuff. We don't want those QR codes to

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go directly to you because we don't want people stalking you. That's weird. We don't want to do

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that. We also don't want to be liable for that. But these are things that our team we're talking

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about today. As far as merch, coffee mugs, hats, you guys, we have a prayer journal that I actually

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finished this morning. That's a companion to the heart work, a prayer journal that you can have

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with prompts in it for your future wife, for your future husband, all kinds of fun things coming out

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in time for Christmas so that you can have that stuff. And I believe that those things are

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activations. Guess what? The coveted blue bracelets are back. You know, you want these, you guys, we

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get success stories written into us about these bracelets. Hey, I saw Jackie at an event. She gave

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me a bracelet. She prayed over me, and now I'm married. Is it the bracelet? No, but it's the faith

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that gets activated when you get the bracelet. And inside, Jeremiah 616. Outside, last year single. And

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it glows in the dark. Bonus! It's a spotlight. It's a spotlight for you. Why is it blue? I'm glad you

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asked. Because blue is the color of covenant. Blue is the color of the vow. It's the color of loyalty,

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fidelity. It also is the old new borrowed blue kind of rhyme that we say around American

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marriages. I don't know if they do that in other countries. The reason why blue was the thing that

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the bride would have stashed away on her somewhere is because blue was thought to ward off the evil

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one. And so I kind of like that too. Pretty superstitious, also very historic. So it's blue,

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and it glows in the dark. Imagine yourself at church, because all churches are dark now, right?

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Smoke machines, worship. You got your hand raised to praise the Lord, and you're glowing. And a man

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or a woman sees you from across the room, depending on what gender you already are, okay? Don't get it

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twisted, and don't write into us. Like, is Jackie promoting gender fluidity? No. You see them from

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across the room, and you're like, who's glowing over there? Who is it? I must know. And then the story

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begins. All right. I know I'm being goofy, but that's my middle name. So we have those. We're

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going to have those for you. If you come to a last year single event, you're going to get those. We're

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going to have those on hand, okay? Those will be in your little swag bags as well. We activate them.

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We'll pray over them. We do believe that it's kind of like Paul's handkerchief. We believe

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that these carry an activator, because anything that activates your faith, faith is the thing

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that causes the miracles, okay? And so all kinds of fun merch and swag and events.

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We are declaring 2025, and we try to do this a little bit with 24, but I'm historically ahead

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of the curve. I always have been my whole life. I kind of prophetically see things far off,

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and I try to make them happen in a different sort of timeline than what they happen in,

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but I'm very, very sure that the things that we were able to accomplish in 24 have paved the way

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for 25 being, ready? An in-person year. An in-person year. Does that mean we won't have

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online staff? No.

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Of course, we're gonna have all kinds of online offerings

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to better you spiritually with your relationship with God,

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yourself, others, romantically, all the things,

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financially, all the things.

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We're always expanding.

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We're gonna expand actually into some affiliations

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with people that can help you break into other communities

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and meet even more people.

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You know, we're expanding.

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We're in an expansion season in last year's single.

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But we're gonna have more in-person offerings.

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So we're working with the Single City Moderators.

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We're adding single cities.

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In fact, whoever hears from the team,

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put up the new single cities that are in preparation

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to be added right now.

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We added a few already.

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We added Colorado Springs.

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We're gonna be adding a Phoenix, Arizona.

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We're gonna be adding a New Jersey.

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We're gonna be adding possibly a Boston in the future.

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Not right now, not in the next couple weeks, but soon.

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I'm gonna be doing a singles,

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a joint, like collaborative singles conference

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in Jersey in March of 2025.

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And all kinds of different singles groups

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from Boston, from Hartford, from DC, from New York,

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from Jersey are gonna be involved in that.

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It's gonna be quite something.

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And I think that some more single cities will be birthed

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out of that event as well.

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Okay, so other single cities that are being added

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are not coming to my mind right now,

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but if we have a team member on, I think I saw Bethany,

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she can put, oh, she's putting it up now, okay.

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If you live somewhere where you think

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that there is a singles community

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that are sheep without a shepherd,

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and you want to volunteer as Tribute

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to be the person that moderates that group,

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email us at admin at JackieDorman.com

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and just put single city question or single city,

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potential single city or single city

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and whatever the city is in the subject line

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so that we know what your email is about

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and it gets to the right person before they even read it.

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So 2025 is an in-person year and we're ramping up to that.

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You guys, hold on a second, let's look.

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Hold on, let's look here.

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I take my glasses off so I can see.

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All right, that's what I thought.

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You guys, there's 71 days to 2025, 71 days.

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You know what that is?

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Plenty of time to meet someone, plenty of time, okay?

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Seriously, it's plenty of time.

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In fact, I'm reminded of a fun story.

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One of our very first success stories,

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one of our very first marriages, Monique,

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she heard me say that back in the day,

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she heard me say that back in the day in 2020

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when in October this very month, I said that same thing.

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I said, before the holidays,

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one of you is gonna meet the man,

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because it was all women back then, guys,

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so don't be offended,

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but I'm gonna include you guys in it too.

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One of you is gonna meet the man,

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but now for you guys,

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one of you is gonna meet the woman or the man

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that you're gonna marry someday.

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You're not gonna get married before the holidays,

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please don't do that,

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but you are gonna meet the person

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that you're going to marry before the holidays.

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And she said that she felt like that was a word to her,

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like she felt it, it hit her, and she was like, whoa.

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And she had one day left on a paid dating app,

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I forget which one, maybe eHarmony, maybe Match, something,

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but she only had one day left after that session,

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and she was gonna cancel.

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So she decided to take one more tour around her inbox.

232
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There was a message from a guy, she messaged him back,

233
00:13:47.680 --> 00:13:49.800
they got each other's contact information,

234
00:13:49.800 --> 00:13:51.680
and they're married now.

235
00:13:51.680 --> 00:13:55.140
That's a true story, that's a true story.

236
00:13:55.140 --> 00:13:57.920
So grab it, okay?

237
00:13:57.920 --> 00:14:01.620
Guys, we've had several weddings this week.

238
00:14:01.620 --> 00:14:04.120
This week, we had several weddings.

239
00:14:04.120 --> 00:14:05.800
Do you guys know that we get engagement announcements

240
00:14:05.800 --> 00:14:07.380
pretty much every week?

241
00:14:07.380 --> 00:14:09.280
Every week, we get them.

242
00:14:09.280 --> 00:14:12.280
Now, some of those people break up and don't get married.

243
00:14:12.280 --> 00:14:14.120
Don't get it twisted.

244
00:14:14.120 --> 00:14:16.520
And we do our best to break them up if we can.

245
00:14:18.200 --> 00:14:21.800
Meaning, we're gonna do our best

246
00:14:21.800 --> 00:14:24.080
to not let you marry someone you shouldn't marry, okay?

247
00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:27.000
We can't control you, you don't have to listen to us,

248
00:14:27.000 --> 00:14:30.120
but we will voice what we can voice.

249
00:14:30.120 --> 00:14:33.280
If we think, danger, danger, okay?

250
00:14:33.280 --> 00:14:35.100
But that doesn't happen very often,

251
00:14:35.100 --> 00:14:36.240
so I don't want you to get afraid of that.

252
00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:38.240
It doesn't happen very often at all.

253
00:14:38.240 --> 00:14:40.640
And most of those engagements do go all the way

254
00:14:40.640 --> 00:14:42.200
to the altar to marriage.

255
00:14:43.040 --> 00:14:44.880
But every week, we get an engagement announcement.

256
00:14:44.880 --> 00:14:47.400
Every once in a while, we have a random week where we don't,

257
00:14:47.400 --> 00:14:49.040
but most of the time, we do.

258
00:14:49.040 --> 00:14:49.960
What does that mean to you?

259
00:14:49.960 --> 00:14:51.720
It means we have a marriage funnel.

260
00:14:52.880 --> 00:14:56.120
And if you're not in it yet, it can happen that fast.

261
00:14:56.120 --> 00:14:58.320
It can happen that fast, all right?

262
00:14:59.320 --> 00:15:00.160
I remember.

263
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:02.460
For Carla, who's our phase two coach,

264
00:15:02.460 --> 00:15:03.880
for those of you that are in phase two,

265
00:15:03.880 --> 00:15:05.640
put your little hands up if you're in phase two

266
00:15:05.640 --> 00:15:08.120
and you were invited in to be part of Love Seeds tonight.

267
00:15:08.120 --> 00:15:10.400
Let's see the little avatar virtual hand

268
00:15:10.400 --> 00:15:13.440
for the phase two folks that are here visiting tonight.

269
00:15:13.440 --> 00:15:16.760
You guys, everyone, everyone give a little high five

270
00:15:16.760 --> 00:15:18.080
to the phase two ladies.

271
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:22.280
They're gonna be down here in community with us soon.

272
00:15:22.280 --> 00:15:23.960
So good to see y'all.

273
00:15:23.960 --> 00:15:26.080
Okay, so one of your coaches,

274
00:15:26.080 --> 00:15:27.960
one of your peer coaches, Carla,

275
00:15:27.960 --> 00:15:31.080
she's a success story from this program.

276
00:15:31.080 --> 00:15:35.180
And I wanna tell you, her give a darn was busted.

277
00:15:35.180 --> 00:15:36.200
She was done.

278
00:15:36.200 --> 00:15:38.320
She was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

279
00:15:38.320 --> 00:15:39.980
She had never been married before.

280
00:15:39.980 --> 00:15:43.480
She had a son with a dad that was not showing up.

281
00:15:43.480 --> 00:15:45.220
She was basically single parenting.

282
00:15:45.220 --> 00:15:49.680
She was tired, okay, as my grandpa would say.

283
00:15:49.680 --> 00:15:51.960
And she was just about throwing the towel.

284
00:15:51.960 --> 00:15:54.640
She had been in the community for two years.

285
00:15:54.640 --> 00:15:57.760
She had not had really any quality dates

286
00:15:58.560 --> 00:16:00.200
and a lot of that was her, okay.

287
00:16:00.200 --> 00:16:02.440
She had some stuff that she had to work through.

288
00:16:02.440 --> 00:16:04.120
And now she's helping you work through your stuff

289
00:16:04.120 --> 00:16:05.680
because she knows what that stuff looks like

290
00:16:05.680 --> 00:16:07.720
because she had to work through her stuff.

291
00:16:07.720 --> 00:16:09.760
And then one day I remember she posted

292
00:16:09.760 --> 00:16:11.920
and she's just like, I'm done.

293
00:16:11.920 --> 00:16:14.960
And so I was like, I messaged her.

294
00:16:14.960 --> 00:16:17.460
And this is back when the community was a lot smaller

295
00:16:17.460 --> 00:16:18.720
and I messaged people.

296
00:16:18.720 --> 00:16:20.480
So don't get offended if I haven't messaged you

297
00:16:20.480 --> 00:16:23.200
because I don't do that anymore for the most part.

298
00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:26.120
And I said, hey, let's jump on a call.

299
00:16:26.120 --> 00:16:29.560
We jumped on a call and I talked to her.

300
00:16:29.560 --> 00:16:31.180
I prophesied over her.

301
00:16:31.180 --> 00:16:33.240
I told her what I thought the Lord was saying,

302
00:16:33.240 --> 00:16:34.240
activated her.

303
00:16:34.240 --> 00:16:37.680
She met her husband like less than a week later.

304
00:16:39.160 --> 00:16:42.600
You guys, and I don't want you to get the wrong emphasis,

305
00:16:42.600 --> 00:16:45.440
okay, the wrong emphasis on the wrong syllable

306
00:16:45.440 --> 00:16:47.280
from that story.

307
00:16:47.280 --> 00:16:51.200
It wasn't me that caused that to happen.

308
00:16:51.200 --> 00:16:54.680
It was a shift of her faith, okay.

309
00:16:54.680 --> 00:16:57.340
She already was a little popcorn kernel about to pop.

310
00:16:58.920 --> 00:17:01.120
I just had a little bit more oil to the pan.

311
00:17:01.120 --> 00:17:01.960
That's all.

312
00:17:02.880 --> 00:17:04.940
We just had a little more oil to the pan.

313
00:17:04.940 --> 00:17:06.760
All right, so we're cooking with oil.

314
00:17:06.760 --> 00:17:10.619
Okay, so single cities, we're gonna invest in those.

315
00:17:10.619 --> 00:17:12.160
We're gonna invest in those leaders.

316
00:17:12.160 --> 00:17:15.640
We're gonna get some fun spirit mate match events

317
00:17:15.640 --> 00:17:17.599
going on in those single cities

318
00:17:17.599 --> 00:17:18.920
where you can invite your friends

319
00:17:18.920 --> 00:17:21.000
and you don't have to feel like you're scared

320
00:17:21.000 --> 00:17:22.440
that it's gonna be weird

321
00:17:22.440 --> 00:17:26.040
or it's gonna be 500 women and a half a man,

322
00:17:26.040 --> 00:17:28.400
one half of a guy, not even a full guy,

323
00:17:28.400 --> 00:17:31.120
just a half, just a half a guy.

324
00:17:31.120 --> 00:17:33.520
That's not gonna happen, okay,

325
00:17:33.520 --> 00:17:35.480
because we're gonna curate those situations

326
00:17:35.480 --> 00:17:37.840
and make sure that they're great.

327
00:17:37.840 --> 00:17:39.400
All right, we just had a single city

328
00:17:39.400 --> 00:17:42.000
moderator leader meeting on Sunday.

329
00:17:42.000 --> 00:17:43.560
We're having another one tomorrow night.

330
00:17:43.560 --> 00:17:45.120
You guys, we're gonna invest in that.

331
00:17:45.120 --> 00:17:48.080
And then last trip single, we launched it this year.

332
00:17:48.080 --> 00:17:49.480
We didn't get a lot of trips out.

333
00:17:49.480 --> 00:17:51.480
Once again, I was way ahead of the curve.

334
00:17:51.480 --> 00:17:53.160
I was like, hey, this will be easy.

335
00:17:53.160 --> 00:17:55.480
We can have 15 trips this year.

336
00:17:55.480 --> 00:17:58.640
And my team's like, Jackie, stop,

337
00:17:58.640 --> 00:18:01.560
because it's a lot harder than it seems, a lot harder.

338
00:18:01.560 --> 00:18:04.920
But we did have an amazing trip to Cartagena, Colombia.

339
00:18:04.920 --> 00:18:06.920
We had a conference there.

340
00:18:06.920 --> 00:18:07.760
Guess what?

341
00:18:07.760 --> 00:18:08.580
That's an annual trip.

342
00:18:08.580 --> 00:18:09.420
We're going back.

343
00:18:09.420 --> 00:18:10.560
Get ready, y'all.

344
00:18:10.560 --> 00:18:12.680
We're going back in April.

345
00:18:12.680 --> 00:18:14.060
You're gonna wanna come to that.

346
00:18:14.060 --> 00:18:15.680
It was so fun the last time.

347
00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:17.880
And this time we're staying at a five-star hotel.

348
00:18:17.880 --> 00:18:20.040
Y'all, my husband and I got a massage

349
00:18:20.040 --> 00:18:21.000
at this five-star hotel.

350
00:18:21.520 --> 00:18:22.360
And when I say five-star,

351
00:18:22.360 --> 00:18:25.520
in America, five-star may not actually be five-star.

352
00:18:25.520 --> 00:18:28.200
You may pay the price, but it's just not that fancy.

353
00:18:28.200 --> 00:18:29.800
It's not that bougie.

354
00:18:29.800 --> 00:18:33.480
There in the walled city, five-star means five-star.

355
00:18:33.480 --> 00:18:35.540
We went to the spa in this hotel.

356
00:18:35.540 --> 00:18:37.000
We didn't stay at this hotel,

357
00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:38.880
but we went to the spa at this hotel.

358
00:18:38.880 --> 00:18:43.120
And we went there and we received for $200 a piece

359
00:18:43.120 --> 00:18:46.700
what it would cost you at least 15 to $2,000

360
00:18:46.700 --> 00:18:48.560
in America to receive.

361
00:18:48.560 --> 00:18:52.720
A whole half a day spa package of the five-star level.

362
00:18:52.720 --> 00:18:57.000
And that will be included in your retreat when you come.

363
00:18:57.000 --> 00:18:59.000
We're gonna stay at that hotel this time.

364
00:18:59.000 --> 00:19:00.200
We're gonna stay at that hotel.

365
00:19:00.200 --> 00:19:02.000
And a five-star hotel like that in America,

366
00:19:02.000 --> 00:19:03.760
which probably wouldn't really be five-star,

367
00:19:03.760 --> 00:19:06.160
but let's say it's like the Wynn in Vegas

368
00:19:06.160 --> 00:19:09.640
or maybe the Ritz Carlton, that would cost you what?

369
00:19:09.640 --> 00:19:13.080
Probably $1,000, $1,200 a night there.

370
00:19:13.080 --> 00:19:15.200
It's like $200 a night.

371
00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:16.400
And you can split that

372
00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:18.280
with the person you share the room with.

373
00:19:19.000 --> 00:19:19.840
It's crazy.

374
00:19:19.840 --> 00:19:20.760
It's crazy.

375
00:19:20.760 --> 00:19:21.600
Okay.

376
00:19:21.600 --> 00:19:23.120
And we're gonna go to the Rosario Islands

377
00:19:23.120 --> 00:19:24.560
and we're gonna take a salsa dance class.

378
00:19:24.560 --> 00:19:25.400
We did that last year.

379
00:19:25.400 --> 00:19:26.320
The ladies had so much fun

380
00:19:26.320 --> 00:19:28.320
and then we got dancing afterwards.

381
00:19:28.320 --> 00:19:29.480
And it's a co-ed event.

382
00:19:29.480 --> 00:19:31.800
If men wanna come, you can come.

383
00:19:31.800 --> 00:19:34.000
Guys and girls, everybody.

384
00:19:34.000 --> 00:19:35.640
Okay, so we love Columbia.

385
00:19:35.640 --> 00:19:36.460
We're going back.

386
00:19:36.460 --> 00:19:38.760
You guys only get three hour flight from Miami.

387
00:19:38.760 --> 00:19:40.080
It's not hard to get there.

388
00:19:40.080 --> 00:19:41.560
You do need a passport.

389
00:19:41.560 --> 00:19:43.920
So if you don't have a passport for 2025,

390
00:19:43.920 --> 00:19:46.280
this is your sign to go get yourself one.

391
00:19:46.280 --> 00:19:47.400
All right.

392
00:19:47.440 --> 00:19:48.760
So that's the only last trip single

393
00:19:48.760 --> 00:19:50.520
that I'm gonna announce for 2025,

394
00:19:50.520 --> 00:19:53.680
but we are gonna have lots of little events

395
00:19:53.680 --> 00:19:55.120
in the single cities.

396
00:19:55.120 --> 00:19:56.200
Okay, one day retreats.

397
00:19:56.200 --> 00:19:59.320
We're gonna have a singles conference here in Austin.

398
00:19:59.320 --> 00:20:00.160
There's a singles.

399
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.980
conference for sure in March in Jersey and we're gonna have a lot of other

400
00:20:03.980 --> 00:20:08.120
trips planned if there's someplace that you would love love love to see the

401
00:20:08.120 --> 00:20:11.980
singles go whether it's a cruise oh we are also gonna definitely do a last

402
00:20:11.980 --> 00:20:16.620
trip single to southern Florida we're so glad you guys we had that plan for this

403
00:20:16.620 --> 00:20:21.940
year and something in my gut was just like oh this this isn't working out it

404
00:20:21.940 --> 00:20:25.940
feels forced I don't want to do it do you guys know that the dates that we had

405
00:20:25.940 --> 00:20:30.500
booked for that hotel and for that retreat where the hurricane dates they

406
00:20:30.500 --> 00:20:36.060
were the hurricane dates that would have been a mess because either we would have

407
00:20:36.060 --> 00:20:40.500
been there and then stuck there and just all messed up or people to lost their

408
00:20:40.500 --> 00:20:44.460
money or they would have you know lost their plane tickets or whatever they

409
00:20:44.460 --> 00:20:48.980
would have lost they would have lost on that and so thank you God for keeping us

410
00:20:48.980 --> 00:20:52.260
from making that decision and so if there's some place that you're like

411
00:20:52.260 --> 00:20:55.460
please please please please plan a trip to this place I've always wanted to go

412
00:20:55.460 --> 00:21:01.140
here and I don't have anyone to go with let us know okay all right and then of

413
00:21:01.140 --> 00:21:04.780
course you guys more people in this intake process of phase one of spirit

414
00:21:04.780 --> 00:21:08.060
match are filling out their profiles thank you so much continue to fill out

415
00:21:08.060 --> 00:21:11.980
your profiles so that we can have so much fun who had so much fun at the

416
00:21:11.980 --> 00:21:16.500
dating game and single spotlights the other night and now I'm dropping single

417
00:21:16.500 --> 00:21:21.020
spotlights in the groups dropping single spotlights of women in groups and men in

418
00:21:21.020 --> 00:21:25.820
groups I'm gonna put a post up ladies for you and men for you in your groups

419
00:21:25.820 --> 00:21:30.740
and it's basically just gonna say I don't want to be spotlighted in public

420
00:21:30.740 --> 00:21:34.340
on social media and if that's you you're just gonna respond in there we're not we

421
00:21:34.340 --> 00:21:39.860
haven't spotlighted anyone in public on social media okay but if you do not want

422
00:21:39.860 --> 00:21:44.500
to be spotlighted to my social media following which is vast okay because I

423
00:21:44.500 --> 00:21:49.340
have a huge list as well on email then you're gonna let us know and we're gonna

424
00:21:49.340 --> 00:21:52.660
make sure that you don't get spotlighted okay and remember the

425
00:21:52.660 --> 00:21:57.020
spotlight doesn't say your last name it doesn't say where you live you know like

426
00:21:57.020 --> 00:22:02.020
the city you live in just the state and you know people have to come through us

427
00:22:02.020 --> 00:22:06.860
to get to you anyway and if people try to get to you through your DMS you don't

428
00:22:06.860 --> 00:22:10.820
gotta risk you don't gotta you don't gotta answer so just so you know all

429
00:22:10.820 --> 00:22:17.300
right so don't be scared please all right so love seats so tonight is a is

430
00:22:17.300 --> 00:22:21.100
basically a town hall it's an open forum of questions and I will answer

431
00:22:21.100 --> 00:22:25.500
them the best I can if I don't have an answer then we'll just all kind of talk

432
00:22:25.500 --> 00:22:29.140
about what we think the answer might be all right and so we do have a couple

433
00:22:29.140 --> 00:22:33.460
volunteers to jump into the love seat if you want to volunteer to jump in the

434
00:22:33.460 --> 00:22:37.820
love seat put it in the chat and Bethany's here tonight that's amazing

435
00:22:37.820 --> 00:22:42.420
you guys give it up for Bethany isn't she amazing give it up give it up for

436
00:22:42.420 --> 00:22:46.700
her put little hands up isn't she incredible I can tell you we could not

437
00:22:46.700 --> 00:22:54.460
do what we do without her all right seriously we could not it would it would

438
00:22:54.460 --> 00:22:59.780
be it would not be good it would not be great it would not be amazing all right

439
00:22:59.780 --> 00:23:03.460
so we're so thankful for her and our whole team all of our team moderators

440
00:23:03.460 --> 00:23:08.540
volunteers everyone but Bethany is is the glue that holds a lot of this

441
00:23:08.540 --> 00:23:13.060
together so be nice to her I don't know how you couldn't be but if you're not

442
00:23:13.060 --> 00:23:19.860
we're coming for you all right so let's jump in the love seat and if you want

443
00:23:19.860 --> 00:23:22.940
to get in the love seat go ahead and let her know and then you guys you can also

444
00:23:22.940 --> 00:23:28.020
answer these questions you can also give feedback in the comments as well you know

445
00:23:28.020 --> 00:23:32.380
you can put up questions that you want we'll do a little popcorn round here in

446
00:23:32.380 --> 00:23:36.060
a little while and we'll just you know answer a bunch of questions if you're

447
00:23:36.060 --> 00:23:40.380
gonna get in the love seat I need you to not give me five years of backstory I

448
00:23:40.700 --> 00:23:47.620
need you to tell us what you want to ask within 120 seconds cool all right we're

449
00:23:47.620 --> 00:23:54.580
gonna go ahead and start with Erica from Maryland hey girl hi Jackie um I guess

450
00:23:54.580 --> 00:24:04.340
my question is um what are your thoughts on dating a Jewish guy he is not a

451
00:24:04.340 --> 00:24:13.900
Messianic Jewish and he's also not a orthodox Jewish he dominate himself as a

452
00:24:13.900 --> 00:24:23.260
traditional Jewish so he goes I don't know so he goes to synagogue he goes he

453
00:24:23.260 --> 00:24:29.500
does right and today was actually our second date okay so you guys I know this

454
00:24:29.500 --> 00:24:33.660
is not a popular opinion and please if you don't have grace to receive this

455
00:24:33.660 --> 00:24:38.700
then it's not for you did you hear what I just said if you don't have grace to

456
00:24:38.700 --> 00:24:44.660
receive this then it's not for you all right but I don't think that was last

457
00:24:44.660 --> 00:24:51.460
year but maybe the year before so maybe 2022 I did a session on people who were

458
00:24:51.460 --> 00:24:56.220
going to their spirit mates were people who were coming in different harvests

459
00:24:56.220 --> 00:24:59.980
okay there's a great harvest that's happening and it's gonna increase you

460
00:24:59.980 --> 00:25:02.040
you

461
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.080
guys. So make sure you're you're coming to Supernatural Saturday this week because

462
00:25:04.080 --> 00:25:07.640
it's going to be fire. All right. So it's going to increase. The harvest is going

463
00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:12.280
to increase. And some of you have the grace to be married to someone that's not

464
00:25:12.280 --> 00:25:17.800
an unbeliever, but they are a pre-believer. They don't fully know what they believe

465
00:25:17.800 --> 00:25:23.560
yet. They have not had the opportunities that you have had to receive Jesus the

466
00:25:23.560 --> 00:25:31.840
way that you have received Jesus. OK, but they definitely they definitely have the

467
00:25:31.840 --> 00:25:36.560
potential to. Now, I'm not telling you to go out and missionary date. I hate when

468
00:25:36.560 --> 00:25:42.320
people use that word. And once again, if you don't have the if you don't have the

469
00:25:42.520 --> 00:25:50.000
grace to receive this and don't receive it. But, you know, Jewish people are part

470
00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:56.200
of our lineage, aren't they? You know, they are now they have not they're waiting

471
00:25:56.200 --> 00:26:00.440
for the Messiah. They don't know that Jesus is Messiah. That's not been revealed

472
00:26:00.440 --> 00:26:05.560
to them. And the ones that it has been revealed to, they have they worship Jesus.

473
00:26:05.560 --> 00:26:09.600
But I will tell you, because I'm friends with Hebrews, I have friends that are

474
00:26:09.600 --> 00:26:14.400
Jews that believe that Jesus is Meshuach, that he is Messiah. They don't call

475
00:26:14.400 --> 00:26:19.880
themselves messianic think that that's a white person word. OK, we use that word a

476
00:26:19.880 --> 00:26:25.960
lot to describe Jewish people, real, true Hebrews that have converted to Christianity.

477
00:26:26.200 --> 00:26:31.200
But I will tell you, they don't give up their Jewish traditions. They don't. You

478
00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:39.000
know why? Because Jewishness is not a religion. It is a ethnicity. It's important

479
00:26:39.000 --> 00:26:45.160
that you understand that it's a people group. It's not just a religion. And so so

480
00:26:45.160 --> 00:26:50.960
my short answer is I think that it could work. All right, you're going to need a

481
00:26:50.960 --> 00:26:56.720
lot of a lot of conversations as you go forward, I think that it could work for

482
00:26:56.720 --> 00:27:01.640
somebody. Can it work for Erica? I don't know. I would need more information. I

483
00:27:01.640 --> 00:27:05.360
would need to know about this man. What is he doing? What kind of self-improvement?

484
00:27:05.360 --> 00:27:10.320
How hungry is he for more? There's so many things that go into that answer.

485
00:27:10.400 --> 00:27:15.400
Right. Yeah, I just kind of want to get your advice moving forward, because so far

486
00:27:15.440 --> 00:27:23.160
what I've seen in this man is just good fruit. And, you know, so yeah, so I guess

487
00:27:23.160 --> 00:27:27.880
sorry, you said what you see in him is what I didn't get that word. Good fruit. Oh,

488
00:27:27.880 --> 00:27:33.000
good fruit. Yes. Let's please let's be fruit inspectors, you guys. And he, you

489
00:27:33.000 --> 00:27:38.360
know, he has indicated that he has read the New Testament. He's been to Christian

490
00:27:38.400 --> 00:27:44.000
churches, but I guess he stays, you know, close to his culture and traditions,

491
00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:52.520
which I respect. And, and I agree with you, you you have to be open minded. And,

492
00:27:53.240 --> 00:27:58.760
and, yes, but definitely, I would like to continue to talk to him. And when the

493
00:27:58.760 --> 00:28:06.200
time comes, maybe I will seek for coaching. Okay, with you. Thank you,

494
00:28:06.200 --> 00:28:10.400
Jackie. And just you guys, if any of you find yourself in a situation with someone

495
00:28:10.400 --> 00:28:15.120
who's not traditionally Christian, the way that you expected your, you know,

496
00:28:15.160 --> 00:28:19.920
romantic life to go, but you do see good fruit in them, you see kindness, you know,

497
00:28:19.920 --> 00:28:24.440
you see the fruit of the Spirit, you see joy, you see peace, you see kindness, be

498
00:28:24.440 --> 00:28:28.520
very prayerful about it, pray before those dates, before those hangouts, you

499
00:28:28.520 --> 00:28:32.480
know, ask the Lord say, God, you know, I've met this person for a reason, I see

500
00:28:32.480 --> 00:28:36.560
good fruit in them, you know, I need you to, you know, really show me what I need

501
00:28:36.560 --> 00:28:40.520
to see. And I need you to guard my heart. So just be praying those things, guys,

502
00:28:40.520 --> 00:28:44.440
please do not be afraid of people that do not come from denominational

503
00:28:44.440 --> 00:28:49.400
backgrounds like you. Please do not be afraid of people that are not like you.

504
00:28:49.640 --> 00:28:52.760
Don't be afraid of that, whether it's their skin color, whether it's their

505
00:28:52.760 --> 00:28:58.680
background, whether it's their culture, whether it's their, you know, country,

506
00:28:58.680 --> 00:29:02.280
whether it's their language, whether it's a different denomination of

507
00:29:02.280 --> 00:29:07.280
Christianity. Don't be afraid of people. You don't have to ever be afraid.

508
00:29:07.280 --> 00:29:11.480
Remember, you're God defended. You are God defended. And as long as you're not

509
00:29:11.480 --> 00:29:15.080
coming at dating from a place of desperation, the chances of you running

510
00:29:15.080 --> 00:29:20.120
off with someone that's going to mess up your life is zero. Okay, it's a zero

511
00:29:20.120 --> 00:29:24.880
chance if you're not coming from a place of brokenheartedness and desperation

512
00:29:24.880 --> 00:29:29.000
and trying to shove a person in a God shaped hole. Stick close to community,

513
00:29:29.000 --> 00:29:33.920
show up, ask questions like this, not just on love seats, but also ask Jackie,

514
00:29:33.920 --> 00:29:36.920
I know we've had a little sabbatical with that, but we're coming back. So I was

515
00:29:36.920 --> 00:29:42.280
gone for the entire month of September. And also in your group, you have coaches

516
00:29:42.280 --> 00:29:46.880
in your group. And guess what, if you ask a question that your peer coaches in

517
00:29:46.880 --> 00:29:51.160
your group don't feel qualified to give you any kind of feedback on, they alert

518
00:29:51.160 --> 00:29:56.280
me. They tell me, and they tell the other, you know, master coaches in our program

519
00:29:56.280 --> 00:30:01.560
about that question. And we all talk about it.

520
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.280
give feedback, okay?

521
00:30:01.280 --> 00:30:05.480
So it isn't just like, well, you know, the, you know,

522
00:30:05.480 --> 00:30:07.640
Jackie and them, they don't, you know, they're not,

523
00:30:07.640 --> 00:30:08.480
they're not present.

524
00:30:08.480 --> 00:30:09.920
We are present.

525
00:30:09.920 --> 00:30:11.200
You just don't know it.

526
00:30:11.200 --> 00:30:12.040
All right.

527
00:30:12.040 --> 00:30:13.800
Okay, so let's see, we got Leah.

528
00:30:13.800 --> 00:30:14.960
Leah or Leah?

529
00:30:22.220 --> 00:30:23.060
Which is it?

530
00:30:23.060 --> 00:30:25.800
I'm having some trouble on muting.

531
00:30:33.800 --> 00:30:36.800
Oh my gosh, technology is the best.

532
00:30:38.520 --> 00:30:39.360
You did it.

533
00:30:39.360 --> 00:30:40.280
I did.

534
00:30:40.280 --> 00:30:42.200
Okay, how do you pronounce your name?

535
00:30:42.200 --> 00:30:43.080
Leah.

536
00:30:43.080 --> 00:30:43.920
Leah, got it.

537
00:30:43.920 --> 00:30:45.960
Princess Leah, made a memory, done.

538
00:30:45.960 --> 00:30:46.860
Okay, go ahead.

539
00:30:48.000 --> 00:30:51.000
So I started talking to a guy about a month ago.

540
00:30:51.000 --> 00:30:52.680
I'm in Colorado.

541
00:30:53.280 --> 00:30:54.120
He's in New York City.

542
00:30:54.120 --> 00:30:56.700
This was a family friend that connected us.

543
00:30:57.840 --> 00:31:00.680
In the beginning, he had talked about coming out here.

544
00:31:00.680 --> 00:31:02.600
He's got some friends in Colorado Springs,

545
00:31:02.600 --> 00:31:05.320
which is where I live, and was like,

546
00:31:05.320 --> 00:31:06.500
I could just come see them,

547
00:31:06.500 --> 00:31:08.300
and then we could get time together.

548
00:31:09.920 --> 00:31:12.240
He knows that I am going to New York City

549
00:31:12.240 --> 00:31:14.820
in December to see family.

550
00:31:14.820 --> 00:31:17.800
And he knew that before he mentioned

551
00:31:17.800 --> 00:31:19.520
possibly coming out here.

552
00:31:19.520 --> 00:31:23.240
He hasn't brought it up again.

553
00:31:23.240 --> 00:31:25.080
This was like maybe the first week.

554
00:31:26.040 --> 00:31:28.360
I could tell he was really interested.

555
00:31:28.360 --> 00:31:31.500
He has continued to affirm his interest,

556
00:31:31.500 --> 00:31:34.380
but he has not brought the trip up again.

557
00:31:36.320 --> 00:31:40.200
And I, like in a voice memo

558
00:31:41.360 --> 00:31:43.880
where I shared a few different things,

559
00:31:43.880 --> 00:31:45.200
at the end of the voice memo, I was like,

560
00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:46.560
hey, just wondering if you're still planning

561
00:31:46.560 --> 00:31:47.920
on coming out here in November.

562
00:31:47.920 --> 00:31:49.240
Just things are starting to fill up

563
00:31:49.960 --> 00:31:52.320
and I want to make sure to leave time for you.

564
00:31:52.320 --> 00:31:54.200
And he responded to everything in my voice memo

565
00:31:54.200 --> 00:31:55.980
except that question.

566
00:31:57.280 --> 00:32:02.280
And so my mind is just filling in the blanks.

567
00:32:02.360 --> 00:32:03.720
He's got three teens.

568
00:32:03.720 --> 00:32:05.560
Is he feeling overwhelmed by life?

569
00:32:05.560 --> 00:32:10.360
Does he not think it's gonna be feasible to come out

570
00:32:10.360 --> 00:32:12.320
and is just waiting for me to go to New York?

571
00:32:12.320 --> 00:32:14.520
But that will be like two and a half months

572
00:32:14.520 --> 00:32:16.440
of talking without meeting.

573
00:32:17.360 --> 00:32:18.680
Okay, so let's talk.

574
00:32:18.680 --> 00:32:20.200
Let's just, okay, let's stop there

575
00:32:20.200 --> 00:32:21.600
and let's answer a few questions

576
00:32:21.600 --> 00:32:23.960
and give some advice and we can go forward, okay?

577
00:32:23.960 --> 00:32:26.080
So you guys, this is for everyone.

578
00:32:26.080 --> 00:32:28.720
If you need to follow up on something

579
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:30.280
like what Leah's talking about,

580
00:32:30.280 --> 00:32:33.560
where someone has said that they were gonna come and visit,

581
00:32:33.560 --> 00:32:36.280
or someone has said that, hey, they could be local,

582
00:32:36.280 --> 00:32:38.640
but they've said, hey, next Tuesday,

583
00:32:38.640 --> 00:32:43.000
we're gonna go out to eat or we're gonna go to this concert,

584
00:32:43.000 --> 00:32:44.680
I'm gonna get us tickets, whatever.

585
00:32:44.680 --> 00:32:46.520
Something that someone threw out,

586
00:32:46.520 --> 00:32:49.920
but then they have not mentioned since, okay?

587
00:32:49.920 --> 00:32:51.280
But you've been talking to them.

588
00:32:51.280 --> 00:32:52.520
It's not like they ghosted you.

589
00:32:52.520 --> 00:32:53.600
It's not like they disappeared.

590
00:32:53.600 --> 00:32:55.560
You know, you're still in contact with them.

591
00:32:55.560 --> 00:32:58.440
They're just not talking about that subject.

592
00:32:58.440 --> 00:33:01.280
When you bring it up, and you have to, and you should,

593
00:33:01.280 --> 00:33:03.080
and I'm proud of Leah for doing it,

594
00:33:03.080 --> 00:33:08.080
do not hide it in the mashed potatoes, okay?

595
00:33:08.280 --> 00:33:10.840
Don't hide it in the mashed potatoes, okay?

596
00:33:10.840 --> 00:33:12.160
That's how you feed kids stuff

597
00:33:12.160 --> 00:33:14.320
that they don't wanna eat, like broccoli.

598
00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:16.000
Try to hide it in the mashed potatoes, right?

599
00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:17.160
So that they can eat it.

600
00:33:17.160 --> 00:33:19.400
Don't hide the pill in the peanut butter.

601
00:33:20.280 --> 00:33:22.840
Only, so the way she could do that,

602
00:33:22.840 --> 00:33:24.640
and the way she's gonna have to do that now

603
00:33:24.640 --> 00:33:28.320
is she should have said, hey, I'm planning my schedule,

604
00:33:28.320 --> 00:33:30.640
and it's filling up, are you still coming?

605
00:33:30.640 --> 00:33:31.960
Nothing else.

606
00:33:31.960 --> 00:33:34.760
Nothing else sandwiching it, nothing else around it.

607
00:33:34.760 --> 00:33:36.760
The reason why we try to hide it

608
00:33:36.760 --> 00:33:38.720
in the peanut butter or the mashed potatoes

609
00:33:38.720 --> 00:33:41.500
is because we're scared of the answer,

610
00:33:41.500 --> 00:33:44.700
or because we feel bad that we have to ask,

611
00:33:44.700 --> 00:33:46.060
we feel kind of embarrassed,

612
00:33:46.060 --> 00:33:48.420
like are they gonna think we're pressuring them?

613
00:33:48.420 --> 00:33:50.420
No, y'all, they brought it up,

614
00:33:50.420 --> 00:33:52.260
and there's two scenarios here.

615
00:33:52.260 --> 00:33:55.220
First scenario is, is there one of those people like me

616
00:33:55.220 --> 00:33:58.820
that says a lot of stuff, but then can't follow through

617
00:33:58.820 --> 00:33:59.860
because they're like,

618
00:34:00.780 --> 00:34:02.940
how am I logistically gonna make that happen?

619
00:34:02.940 --> 00:34:04.580
It sounded like a good idea.

620
00:34:04.580 --> 00:34:06.900
Their little Enneagram seven got ahead of them.

621
00:34:06.900 --> 00:34:11.860
Or number two, they're just not a planner,

622
00:34:11.860 --> 00:34:12.980
and then there's a number three,

623
00:34:12.980 --> 00:34:15.340
and the number three is they just can't make it happen,

624
00:34:15.340 --> 00:34:17.739
and they're kind of hoping you forgot about it.

625
00:34:17.739 --> 00:34:21.460
All right, so regardless of which one of those there is,

626
00:34:21.460 --> 00:34:22.900
if he just hasn't planned it yet,

627
00:34:22.900 --> 00:34:24.659
but he's still wanting to do it,

628
00:34:24.659 --> 00:34:26.320
which doesn't sound like that's the one

629
00:34:26.320 --> 00:34:27.820
because he did not address it

630
00:34:27.820 --> 00:34:31.120
in your little mashed potato sandwich,

631
00:34:32.080 --> 00:34:33.900
you're gonna have to message him back.

632
00:34:33.900 --> 00:34:36.000
He answers, you have to message him back and be like,

633
00:34:36.000 --> 00:34:37.280
that all sounds great.

634
00:34:37.280 --> 00:34:39.520
By the way, did you see the question

635
00:34:39.520 --> 00:34:41.560
that I asked you about this?

636
00:34:41.560 --> 00:34:42.400
Okay.

637
00:34:42.400 --> 00:34:44.040
You're just gonna have to put it all by itself.

638
00:34:44.040 --> 00:34:45.600
Okay, yeah.

639
00:34:45.600 --> 00:34:48.480
I think I was hesitant to wondering

640
00:34:48.480 --> 00:34:51.239
if it was coming out of my anxiety

641
00:34:51.239 --> 00:34:54.900
and just if this needed to be something that I let unfold

642
00:34:54.900 --> 00:34:58.360
and let him bring up, but I would really love some clarity.

643
00:34:58.360 --> 00:35:00.240
Well, Leah, let me ask you a question.

644
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.240
I already know, I already know the answer, but I want to make sure that you say it out loud.

645
00:35:04.240 --> 00:35:11.520
Whose idea was it? It was his. Exactly. Yeah. You have no reason to feel any type of way about it.

646
00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:18.000
Yeah. And if he's like, yeah, man, I just can't make that happen. Like, okay, cool. That's cool.

647
00:35:18.000 --> 00:35:23.600
That's okay. You know, um, we can see each other at this time. I mean, if you just cannot make it

648
00:35:23.600 --> 00:35:27.680
happen, then this can't make it happen. You guys already know Leah's kind of newer. Cause I don't

649
00:35:27.680 --> 00:35:35.040
recognize her. Um, right. How long have you been here? I joined phase three yesterday. Okay. Okay.

650
00:35:35.040 --> 00:35:41.840
So, um, I do like long distance relationships have to go faster as far as meeting in person.

651
00:35:42.480 --> 00:35:46.480
We got, we gotta, we gotta meet in person. So you guys would have been talking if you don't

652
00:35:46.480 --> 00:35:52.400
see him till December in New York, how long will you've been talking before you actually meet?

653
00:35:52.480 --> 00:35:58.960
Yeah, it'll have been two and a half months. Okay. It's not ideal. It's not terrible. I know

654
00:35:58.960 --> 00:36:05.200
people that literally talk for like six, nine, a year before they actually end up meeting and no,

655
00:36:05.200 --> 00:36:08.560
no, no, no, no. Okay. Cause you're going to, you're going to, you're going to catch,

656
00:36:08.560 --> 00:36:13.360
you're going to catch feelings, right? You need to be catching flights, not feelings catch the

657
00:36:13.360 --> 00:36:18.880
flights. Yeah. Right. Okay. So you can share costs, you can do whatever it is. And you can

658
00:36:18.880 --> 00:36:24.800
say that to him, be like, Hey, I would love what, what kind of you're, you're visiting family in

659
00:36:24.800 --> 00:36:30.800
New York. Okay. How do you feel? How do you, what's your family going to feel like if you're

660
00:36:30.800 --> 00:36:34.320
meeting up with someone that you've been talking to? And if never met, I mean, are they going to

661
00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:40.640
be, they can be cool with that? I, yeah, I would think so. Okay, good. Some people's families are

662
00:36:40.640 --> 00:36:44.320
just like, what? This is a stranger off the internet. You've never met them before. Okay.

663
00:36:44.400 --> 00:36:49.680
And he was introduced to me by a family friend. So there's like someone who's vouching for him

664
00:36:49.680 --> 00:36:55.120
that. Oh, good. That's true. Family friend. I forgot that detail. So that's good. So yeah,

665
00:36:55.120 --> 00:36:58.960
if you know, you don't get to get together until, did you say he has three teenage children?

666
00:36:59.760 --> 00:37:04.080
He does. One's in college. And then, and that's the other thing I'm like single,

667
00:37:04.080 --> 00:37:10.720
never been married. He has three teens and things are a little messy. There is infidelity. His wife

668
00:37:10.720 --> 00:37:16.160
has an addiction. So he's got the kids a lot of the time. He's a super present dad. And so I think

669
00:37:16.160 --> 00:37:22.160
I'm just also wondering like, is that what's happening as well as he's just kind of assessing

670
00:37:22.160 --> 00:37:26.400
like where he's at in life and wondering how feasible it even is to come out here. And that

671
00:37:26.400 --> 00:37:31.680
is what I'm not sure. Like, can I ask for clarity about what he's thinking or do I need to just wait

672
00:37:31.680 --> 00:37:39.600
and let him share with me? No, I mean, no, what I think is, is I think that it's also possible

673
00:37:39.600 --> 00:37:45.520
that he was really excited about you, but then, you know, reality hits and he's like,

674
00:37:45.520 --> 00:37:50.960
can I ask this girl? You just described yourself. And he knows that about you can ask this pretty

675
00:37:50.960 --> 00:37:55.840
girl who's never been married and doesn't have any of this baggage to come join the circus.

676
00:37:55.840 --> 00:37:59.520
Can I really ask her to come join the circus? Because this is a circus. You just described

677
00:37:59.520 --> 00:38:06.720
a circus. Okay. All right. We have a former wife who's unfaithful. That's got, she's an addict.

678
00:38:06.720 --> 00:38:11.680
We have kids that are traumatized by that situation and they're teenagers. I mean,

679
00:38:11.680 --> 00:38:18.960
it's a lot. Okay. And so you definitely, I'm not saying that it's not a thing and this couldn't

680
00:38:18.960 --> 00:38:24.640
be your spirit mate because you know, God knows what we can handle. He knows it. But I think he

681
00:38:24.640 --> 00:38:35.840
probably feels less than the whole package. Right. Without knowing him, I can imagine that he feels

682
00:38:35.840 --> 00:38:41.200
a little, you guys have been FaceTiming. You see what he looks like, right? He's a real person.

683
00:38:41.200 --> 00:38:46.880
He's a real person. He's a really good guy. He's been a hard few years. He was a pastor. They asked

684
00:38:46.880 --> 00:38:52.880
him to step down after everything happened with his ex. So it's just, it's been rough. And I'm

685
00:38:52.880 --> 00:38:58.800
like really aware of. Actually, I feel like he's a client of mine. Does his name begin with a J?

686
00:38:59.680 --> 00:39:06.320
No. Okay. Wow. Doppelgangers. Okay. And you guys, that just goes to show you that

687
00:39:07.280 --> 00:39:11.200
men are not always the ones that leave. They're not always the ones that cheat. They're not always

688
00:39:11.200 --> 00:39:18.880
the ones that are, you know, addicts or, you know, whatever. Cause she just described a man that

689
00:39:18.880 --> 00:39:25.120
sounds just like another man of mine. That is a great, amazing guy that has a very similar story.

690
00:39:25.120 --> 00:39:33.600
So it just shows you that, you know, women are troubled too. Okay. So go ahead and don't ask

691
00:39:33.600 --> 00:39:38.160
anything else. Just ask, Hey, you, do you think you're going to be able to make it out? Because

692
00:39:38.160 --> 00:39:42.960
you know, and, and let them know, no pressure. I just need to know so that I can plan accordingly.

693
00:39:42.960 --> 00:39:46.880
Are you going to say, Hey, did you see my question earlier? Did you see my question?

694
00:39:47.840 --> 00:39:52.800
And then if he says no, then you guys can start a conversation about what does he really have

695
00:39:52.800 --> 00:39:59.760
bandwidth for? That's good. Okay. That's a perfect segue. Yeah. It's perfect.

696
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.200
but keep keep us posted because we want to know more so much Jackie yes you're so cute so nice

697
00:40:05.200 --> 00:40:10.160
to meet you okay all right we got Heather oh Heather hi Heather all right hands up let's go

698
00:40:11.520 --> 00:40:20.640
hey Jackie hi um you mentioned a pre-believer so my question is kind of around that and also just

699
00:40:21.680 --> 00:40:29.680
anxiety I'm feeling um September 22nd I met John through the Upward app Christian dating app

700
00:40:30.560 --> 00:40:38.160
and so we first date was coffee at 10 in the morning and the date ended at 7 30 p.m.

701
00:40:39.200 --> 00:40:47.440
because we enjoyed each other's company so much the date went all day long um second date same

702
00:40:47.440 --> 00:40:53.600
thing uh like a five-hour date and we feel like we known each other a really long time

703
00:40:54.560 --> 00:41:03.360
um third and fourth date was just this recent weekend and things have escalated to the point

704
00:41:03.360 --> 00:41:08.000
where he's you know like I could see a future with you Heather I could see a future with you

705
00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:13.680
and so what you're telling us is that he's an anxious attacher go for it keep going that doesn't

706
00:41:13.680 --> 00:41:19.120
make him bad it just means that that he is and you need to know that all right keep going oh I

707
00:41:19.120 --> 00:41:25.600
did not I didn't see that okay third date I can see a future with you that's kind of he said he

708
00:41:25.600 --> 00:41:35.200
has never had this happen and I I feel the same I have never I'm very slow and cautious um but even

709
00:41:36.080 --> 00:41:41.120
on the way there to meet for coffee I just had this sense from the Holy Spirit like that I'm

710
00:41:41.120 --> 00:41:47.520
gonna feel really comfortable and you know probably be holding hands by the end of the

711
00:41:47.520 --> 00:41:52.480
day and sure enough we were we were kind of like walking along the beach coupled up already just it

712
00:41:52.480 --> 00:42:02.000
would have felt unnatural not to and interesting so part of my part of my fear right now is it

713
00:42:02.000 --> 00:42:10.080
feels too good to be true like we both mutually feel this level of companionship camaraderie

714
00:42:10.960 --> 00:42:16.640
it feels like a friend and that's been my desire is just to be okay so let's let's stop there and

715
00:42:16.640 --> 00:42:22.240
let's coach around what you just said so let's talk about it feels too good to be true okay you

716
00:42:22.240 --> 00:42:26.880
guys when you when you go through a lot of stuff when you've had a lot of ups and downs especially

717
00:42:26.880 --> 00:42:32.080
in a certain area of your life it doesn't matter which area it is but this in this case all of you

718
00:42:32.080 --> 00:42:37.760
it's romantically that we're talking about um and something starts to you know go the other direction

719
00:42:37.760 --> 00:42:42.640
you're so used to things not working out or not being good or you know not being what you thought

720
00:42:42.640 --> 00:42:49.280
they were that you do have that fear that this is also going to turn out that way and so we got to

721
00:42:49.280 --> 00:42:54.800
address that okay so first of all we want to give that to the lord we want to talk to god about that

722
00:42:54.800 --> 00:43:01.760
fear of you know of of you know just things going south or things blowing up you know so let's do

723
00:43:01.760 --> 00:43:09.280
that for sure but at the same time it's not untrue and this is what i mean by that this might go

724
00:43:09.280 --> 00:43:13.360
forward these two might end up being each other's spirit mates they might end up getting married but

725
00:43:14.240 --> 00:43:18.400
this thing that's happening between them that's been going on for these three dates

726
00:43:19.200 --> 00:43:24.160
that's not sustainable and it's not going to stop and it's it's it is too good to be true it's not

727
00:43:24.160 --> 00:43:30.160
going to continue that way for the entire time you know each other you're going to have conflict

728
00:43:30.160 --> 00:43:35.360
you're going to run into you know things that are not deal breakers but they're things that you

729
00:43:35.360 --> 00:43:41.840
didn't expect to be part of your love story all right in each other in each other's situations

730
00:43:41.840 --> 00:43:47.040
you know you guys are pretty much strangers to each other right you're pretty much strangers

731
00:43:47.040 --> 00:43:52.240
you are you've only you've only been in person three times and how long just tell me just really

732
00:43:52.240 --> 00:43:56.400
quickly how long since the first date to now how long has it been since you've known him

733
00:43:56.960 --> 00:44:08.800
three weeks okay yeah three three weeks okay so very very um not known okay and so there's so

734
00:44:08.800 --> 00:44:14.320
much to know there's so much to find out and in the finding out in the discovery process of all

735
00:44:14.320 --> 00:44:20.000
that you're bound to run into things that challenge you challenge the relationship but they don't have

736
00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:25.360
to be deal breakers i'm not saying it's going to be a deal breaker but i am saying that when you

737
00:44:25.360 --> 00:44:31.200
start saying things like i could see a future with you just three weeks in and three dates in

738
00:44:31.200 --> 00:44:40.000
that's a yellow flag for me okay because that's not sustainable to be saying that so early without

739
00:44:40.000 --> 00:44:46.320
really truly knowing you so it's completely based on chemistry or physicality okay it's based on

740
00:44:46.320 --> 00:44:51.600
person when i say chemistry that includes personality so what what's going on here

741
00:44:51.600 --> 00:44:58.480
heather is you have found someone that you click with you guys click all right for all the dates

742
00:44:58.480 --> 00:44:59.840
that were awkward and you're not

743
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.560
really sure, you know, and there just really isn't any chemistry.

744
00:45:03.560 --> 00:45:05.480
This one is a click.

745
00:45:06.240 --> 00:45:13.400
Now, I want all of you to know that a click does not mean spirit mate, but it

746
00:45:13.400 --> 00:45:16.800
does mean that you're clicking, right?

747
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:21.060
There's, there's attraction on different levels, not just physical.

748
00:45:21.060 --> 00:45:22.640
There's attraction on different levels.

749
00:45:22.640 --> 00:45:24.900
You said you felt so natural.

750
00:45:25.000 --> 00:45:28.880
You said it felt like it would be unnatural not to hold this stranger's

751
00:45:28.880 --> 00:45:30.680
hand by the end of the first date.

752
00:45:31.400 --> 00:45:32.520
Have you ever done that before?

753
00:45:32.720 --> 00:45:34.600
Have you ever held someone's hand on a first date?

754
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:37.080
Have you ever kissed someone on a first date in your whole life?

755
00:45:38.480 --> 00:45:38.920
Yeah.

756
00:45:38.920 --> 00:45:42.320
Two years ago, a man asked me at the end, could I kiss you?

757
00:45:42.320 --> 00:45:43.520
Just like one kiss.

758
00:45:43.560 --> 00:45:45.600
But you didn't want to kiss the person.

759
00:45:45.800 --> 00:45:46.480
I wouldn't have.

760
00:45:46.520 --> 00:45:46.760
Yeah.

761
00:45:46.760 --> 00:45:46.960
Yeah.

762
00:45:46.960 --> 00:45:47.240
Yeah.

763
00:45:47.400 --> 00:45:50.040
You've never felt like this level of click.

764
00:45:50.520 --> 00:45:50.880
Right.

765
00:45:50.960 --> 00:45:51.400
Never.

766
00:45:51.720 --> 00:45:51.960
Okay.

767
00:45:51.960 --> 00:45:53.280
So here's what I have to say to you.

768
00:45:53.600 --> 00:45:54.240
Enjoy it.

769
00:45:54.960 --> 00:45:55.960
Get to know each other.

770
00:45:56.080 --> 00:45:58.960
Continue to go on dates, but don't plan a future yet.

771
00:46:00.120 --> 00:46:00.480
Okay.

772
00:46:00.480 --> 00:46:01.920
Continue to get to know each other.

773
00:46:01.920 --> 00:46:03.880
Continue to allow it to unfold.

774
00:46:04.400 --> 00:46:04.760
All right.

775
00:46:04.760 --> 00:46:07.960
Remember your pacing coaching.

776
00:46:09.200 --> 00:46:09.440
Okay.

777
00:46:09.440 --> 00:46:14.760
There isn't any reason to rush into serious, exclusive marriage-minded

778
00:46:15.000 --> 00:46:17.160
with someone you've only known for three weeks and three dates.

779
00:46:18.120 --> 00:46:18.520
All right.

780
00:46:18.560 --> 00:46:24.240
Let's circle back around after there's more dates and more time and more

781
00:46:24.240 --> 00:46:27.520
conversations and more clicking or not clicking and let's see.

782
00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:32.360
The other part is the spiritual piece.

783
00:46:32.400 --> 00:46:36.200
I mean, obviously we met on a Christian dating app, but then on Sunday, I asked

784
00:46:36.200 --> 00:46:42.600
him about just salvation and what he thought, and he basically was describing.

785
00:46:43.520 --> 00:46:45.600
He, he thinks God sees everyone's heart.

786
00:46:45.640 --> 00:46:48.840
And if you're a good person, kind of like you, if you're good,

787
00:46:48.840 --> 00:46:50.000
you'll go to heaven kind of thing.

788
00:46:50.960 --> 00:46:52.880
So I, I was so disappointed.

789
00:46:52.880 --> 00:46:57.080
And I like laid out, you know, what I view, which is based on Jesus.

790
00:46:57.520 --> 00:47:02.080
And so I was like, Oh, maybe we're, maybe he's not, doesn't really have saving

791
00:47:02.080 --> 00:47:05.840
faith, but then I was like, maybe I'm just trying to find something wrong

792
00:47:05.840 --> 00:47:11.280
because I'm so scared that this, well, I mean, he, he is half right.

793
00:47:11.280 --> 00:47:16.280
So he obviously has some sort of, you know, some sort of ortho.

794
00:47:16.320 --> 00:47:18.160
He was raised Coptic Christian.

795
00:47:18.160 --> 00:47:21.480
Like his parents are from Egypt and he's from New Jersey and it's, you

796
00:47:21.480 --> 00:47:26.040
know, super conservative Coptic, which he's left because he could

797
00:47:26.040 --> 00:47:27.880
tell that it's all rituals.

798
00:47:28.160 --> 00:47:34.920
But he's not in a church now, so he's just kind of open and he really, you

799
00:47:34.920 --> 00:47:37.800
know, wants to be with a Christian and he's never been married and I've never

800
00:47:37.800 --> 00:47:41.120
been married, 51 and I'm 55.

801
00:47:41.800 --> 00:47:42.280
Okay.

802
00:47:42.840 --> 00:47:46.360
And also, you know, let's talk about this.

803
00:47:46.360 --> 00:47:47.440
Let's jump into this real quick.

804
00:47:47.440 --> 00:47:49.480
I see that we have several people want to get in the love seat, but

805
00:47:49.480 --> 00:47:50.520
I think this is important.

806
00:47:50.720 --> 00:47:51.440
Let's talk about this.

807
00:47:51.440 --> 00:47:52.520
You guys as a community.

808
00:47:52.840 --> 00:47:56.920
Um, what happens when you're dating someone who, even if they are

809
00:47:56.920 --> 00:47:58.920
professing Christian, okay.

810
00:47:59.440 --> 00:48:06.120
Uh, they do not think that it's wrong to have sex outside of marriage.

811
00:48:06.120 --> 00:48:09.840
Like they don't have any conviction is what they might say about that.

812
00:48:10.280 --> 00:48:15.520
Um, but because you do, they say that they're willing to respect yours.

813
00:48:15.760 --> 00:48:17.800
And that's exactly my case too.

814
00:48:18.560 --> 00:48:27.240
Well, let me tell you what, usually they stop respecting yours somewhere in the

815
00:48:27.240 --> 00:48:33.680
trajectory of relationship because they don't think it's wrong as you get closer

816
00:48:33.680 --> 00:48:38.120
and closer emotionally and physically, there's going to be a lot of temptation

817
00:48:38.160 --> 00:48:41.800
to, you know, be together physically.

818
00:48:41.800 --> 00:48:46.120
And it's going to be, it's going to be frustrating because they do not hold that

819
00:48:46.120 --> 00:48:52.800
moral or that conviction that that is not healthy, that it's not, um, and you

820
00:48:52.800 --> 00:48:56.000
guys, I don't, I don't want to visit this a million times.

821
00:48:56.000 --> 00:48:57.160
We're all grownups here.

822
00:48:57.520 --> 00:48:59.760
God doesn't just talk to, to hear himself talk.

823
00:48:59.760 --> 00:49:02.560
And this is not about legalism and it's not about religion.

824
00:49:02.880 --> 00:49:06.120
Sex is not physical.

825
00:49:06.160 --> 00:49:07.960
It is spiritual.

826
00:49:07.960 --> 00:49:11.680
I know it seems like it's physical because your bodies have a really

827
00:49:11.680 --> 00:49:13.800
big part to play in that movie.

828
00:49:14.040 --> 00:49:14.680
I get it.

829
00:49:15.000 --> 00:49:18.400
I understand, but it's spiritual.

830
00:49:18.520 --> 00:49:21.160
It's a spiritual situation that happens.

831
00:49:21.160 --> 00:49:27.600
This is why people get so whacked out from rape and incest and sexual abuse.

832
00:49:27.600 --> 00:49:28.360
You guys see that?

833
00:49:28.920 --> 00:49:32.080
If it was just physical, don't you think that we could get over sexual

834
00:49:32.080 --> 00:49:34.120
abuse a lot faster than we do?

835
00:49:34.120 --> 00:49:36.160
People carry those wounds for a lifetime.

836
00:49:36.160 --> 00:49:36.760
Why is that?

837
00:49:36.760 --> 00:49:40.640
Because they're sexual and spiritual in nature.

838
00:49:40.640 --> 00:49:43.760
Those wounds attack your very identity.

839
00:49:43.920 --> 00:49:44.640
That's why.

840
00:49:45.080 --> 00:49:45.680
Okay.

841
00:49:46.040 --> 00:49:48.000
And so I really want to encourage y'all.

842
00:49:48.200 --> 00:49:52.440
This is not about making it to the marriage bed without having done

843
00:49:52.440 --> 00:49:53.880
anything to each other's bodies.

844
00:49:54.480 --> 00:49:55.640
Please don't make it legalistic.

845
00:49:55.640 --> 00:49:56.960
Please don't make it legalistic.

846
00:49:56.960 --> 00:49:58.400
Please don't make it legalistic.

847
00:49:58.400 --> 00:49:59.840
Please don't make it legalistic.

848
00:49:59.840 --> 00:50:01.160
Please don't make it legalistic.

849
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.840
because most people don't make it to the marriage bed without having done

850
00:50:03.840 --> 00:50:09.880
something. All right, it's about understanding what sex is so that when

851
00:50:09.880 --> 00:50:16.440
you do make it to the marriage bed that you respect and honor this beautiful act

852
00:50:16.440 --> 00:50:20.680
that you are going to give, this gift that you're gonna give to each other,

853
00:50:20.680 --> 00:50:27.800
okay, and a lot of times messy and sloppy and an amateur hour and it's not gonna

854
00:50:27.800 --> 00:50:31.960
feel good at first and it's like at first physically it's gonna probably

855
00:50:31.960 --> 00:50:38.840
suck, all right, but it's the intimacy of your emotions, of your

856
00:50:38.840 --> 00:50:44.800
bodies, of your spirits that's going to feel great, all right, and so let's just

857
00:50:44.800 --> 00:50:48.800
remember that, all right, it's really important that you remember that. Okay, so

858
00:50:48.800 --> 00:50:54.360
it sounds like this guy, once again, I'm not gonna make any fast

859
00:50:54.360 --> 00:50:58.200
judgments for you, Heather, this is what I am gonna say, this is what I feel like

860
00:50:58.200 --> 00:51:06.840
the Lord is saying to me to say to you, God trusts you, you love him, all right, so

861
00:51:06.840 --> 00:51:12.960
it's a yes until it's a no and if there is something that you need to see, God

862
00:51:12.960 --> 00:51:18.840
will show you. Stick close to community, continue to tell us and weigh in, but I

863
00:51:18.840 --> 00:51:22.160
think right now you're enjoying getting to know this person, just go ahead and

864
00:51:22.160 --> 00:51:26.840
write it out, see what happens, you can trust yourself because God trusts

865
00:51:26.840 --> 00:51:30.960
you, God is in you and just like your friend said, he said God sees the hearts,

866
00:51:30.960 --> 00:51:34.800
he does see the heart, he was right about that, but what he isn't right about is

867
00:51:34.800 --> 00:51:38.840
that the Bible says that there is no good thing in us, so if God sees that we

868
00:51:38.840 --> 00:51:45.040
have a good heart, it's because he's in us and so yeah. I'm just so grateful for

869
00:51:45.040 --> 00:51:49.160
you, Jackie, thank you so much for everything, I've just grown so much closer to the Lord

870
00:51:49.160 --> 00:51:55.280
through this program. Yes, I'm so glad. All right, keep us posted. Okay. All right,

871
00:51:55.280 --> 00:52:01.840
let's see, Victoria. Hi Jackie, thank you for everything you're doing and

872
00:52:01.840 --> 00:52:07.840
everybody, I just want to say I really appreciate it. I'll try to be fast. Okay. I

873
00:52:07.840 --> 00:52:11.640
went to the mountains last week and for me that brings a lot of clarity and

874
00:52:11.640 --> 00:52:16.800
opens my mind to think more deeply about the Lord and everything and I realized

875
00:52:16.840 --> 00:52:21.560
the Lord kind of helped me discover that there's a particular guy I like but I

876
00:52:21.560 --> 00:52:25.120
just never acknowledged it because in the back of my head I always thought I

877
00:52:25.120 --> 00:52:29.720
was wrong to like only go for one particular guy and for me I realized I

878
00:52:29.720 --> 00:52:35.720
like a guy that kind of reminds me of a cowboy, like a rancher or a farmer and

879
00:52:35.720 --> 00:52:41.120
I've been like that since I was little. I would watch cowboy movies, I would

880
00:52:41.120 --> 00:52:48.080
watch cowboy movies and I like cowboy movies more than science fiction and

881
00:52:48.080 --> 00:52:52.040
that was in the back of my mind and the Lord's like you like this type of guy. I

882
00:52:52.040 --> 00:52:57.600
do. I just never acknowledged it and I always thought like it was wrong because

883
00:52:57.600 --> 00:53:01.840
we shouldn't be like picky about what kind of guy we wanted. Okay, so I just

884
00:53:01.840 --> 00:53:05.080
want to say one thing before you finish your question. I

885
00:53:05.080 --> 00:53:10.280
just want to say one thing, you like cowboys because you love daddy, you love

886
00:53:10.280 --> 00:53:15.400
your dad. I do. And that was something that you did with your dad and so you

887
00:53:15.400 --> 00:53:21.280
have a fondness of the men that you saw on that screen because your dad admired

888
00:53:21.280 --> 00:53:25.600
those men and you sat with him and you now admire those men and that's where

889
00:53:25.600 --> 00:53:30.200
that type comes from. Y'all, our types come from somewhere, okay? And this is

890
00:53:30.200 --> 00:53:36.120
where our friend Victoria's type comes from. Okay, keep going. And I always thought

891
00:53:36.120 --> 00:53:40.800
I was wrong to only seek after a particular guy and then the Lord helped

892
00:53:40.800 --> 00:53:47.280
me to realize in like a few days ago that I never had the faith to ask for

893
00:53:47.280 --> 00:53:53.240
that type of guy because I just didn't believe I was had fit for it or just

894
00:53:53.240 --> 00:53:56.120
like I didn't believe and there was part of me that didn't feel like I was good

895
00:53:56.120 --> 00:54:00.440
enough to ask for that particular guy because to me it was just so far out

896
00:54:00.440 --> 00:54:05.160
there and seemed so impossible. At the same time, the Lord helped me to realize

897
00:54:05.160 --> 00:54:10.640
like it's not. So I just wanted to know what your thoughts about that are. Is it

898
00:54:10.640 --> 00:54:15.160
okay to have a type of guy to go after? Like if you want to go after a guy who

899
00:54:15.160 --> 00:54:21.320
fits that cowboy persona or should I just be open? Like that's what I'm

900
00:54:21.320 --> 00:54:24.920
thinking. Anyway, it's just kind of hard to relate into a question because it's

901
00:54:24.920 --> 00:54:28.880
just kind of fresh to me. No, no, it's great. It's wonderful and listen, you know,

902
00:54:28.880 --> 00:54:34.640
and we talk about types all the time and so, you know, you have this type and

903
00:54:34.640 --> 00:54:38.480
we've just kind of dug into a little bit of where your type comes from. I

904
00:54:38.480 --> 00:54:42.880
don't think that's a negative thing but it is important for us to surrender that

905
00:54:42.880 --> 00:54:49.600
pen to God, right? You might, you know, your spirit might not end up

906
00:54:49.600 --> 00:54:54.160
a guy with cowboy boots in the closet and, you know, farming or

907
00:54:54.160 --> 00:54:58.760
construction or, you know, outdoors working with his hands or he might but

908
00:54:58.760 --> 00:55:02.080
if you surrender your pen

909
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.880
to the Lord, you know, he can change your attractions if necessary, if necessary.

910
00:55:07.880 --> 00:55:11.600
But if you don't go out with someone just because, you know, they immediately don't

911
00:55:11.600 --> 00:55:16.680
remind you of someone who's, you know, a farmer or country or a rancher or something like

912
00:55:16.680 --> 00:55:19.640
that, then you might be missing out on a really great person.

913
00:55:19.640 --> 00:55:26.120
And so my advice to you would be to, you know, go out with, you know, sample kind of from

914
00:55:26.120 --> 00:55:31.680
the buffet, men that are not necessarily those kind of professions or look like that

915
00:55:31.680 --> 00:55:35.120
on the outside, because you just really never know what you're going to like.

916
00:55:35.120 --> 00:55:38.560
And if a cowboy asks you out, go out with him too.

917
00:55:38.560 --> 00:55:43.440
You know, you're in a place right now where, you know, you get to, you know, just try out

918
00:55:43.440 --> 00:55:45.680
whatever because you just like, you never know.

919
00:55:45.680 --> 00:55:46.880
You don't.

920
00:55:46.880 --> 00:55:48.000
You might like a banker.

921
00:55:48.000 --> 00:55:49.040
You might like a banker.

922
00:55:49.040 --> 00:55:50.040
You don't know.

923
00:55:50.040 --> 00:55:55.040
A banker that likes to go out in, you know, and ride horses on the weekend.

924
00:55:55.040 --> 00:55:56.040
You don't know.

925
00:55:56.040 --> 00:55:57.040
Okay.

926
00:55:57.040 --> 00:56:00.720
But I wouldn't don't feel bad.

927
00:56:00.720 --> 00:56:02.680
Don't feel unworthy of your type.

928
00:56:02.680 --> 00:56:04.960
And that might come back to dad again a little bit.

929
00:56:04.960 --> 00:56:08.700
I don't know what your relationship with your dad was like, if you felt like he was emotionally

930
00:56:08.700 --> 00:56:12.640
involved with you or loved you.

931
00:56:12.640 --> 00:56:16.360
You know, obviously you wanted his attention and his affection and his approval.

932
00:56:16.360 --> 00:56:20.120
That's why you were sitting there watching those Western movies with him.

933
00:56:20.120 --> 00:56:22.720
But did you ever feel like you got it?

934
00:56:23.440 --> 00:56:27.040
That's a question.

935
00:56:27.040 --> 00:56:29.640
It's hard because my dad struggled with depression a lot.

936
00:56:29.640 --> 00:56:36.000
So it was hard to tell where he was at emotionally because he didn't want to let on anything

937
00:56:36.000 --> 00:56:37.000
was wrong.

938
00:56:37.000 --> 00:56:38.000
Sure.

939
00:56:38.000 --> 00:56:39.600
And if he did, he'd be quiet about it.

940
00:56:39.600 --> 00:56:40.720
Like if something was wrong.

941
00:56:40.720 --> 00:56:41.720
So sure.

942
00:56:41.720 --> 00:56:45.720
Cause he's a man's man and that's what, and that's what his generation of men think they're

943
00:56:45.720 --> 00:56:46.720
supposed to do.

944
00:56:46.720 --> 00:56:51.760
So it's possible that winning the love, feeling unworthy of the love of a cowboy, but winning

945
00:56:51.800 --> 00:56:57.760
the love of the cowboy might somewhere deep inside be some sort of victory for you with

946
00:56:57.760 --> 00:56:59.120
dad.

947
00:56:59.120 --> 00:57:00.720
And so just pray into that.

948
00:57:00.720 --> 00:57:01.760
You don't have to answer.

949
00:57:01.760 --> 00:57:05.560
Just pray into that because I'm positive God has a spirit mate for you.

950
00:57:05.560 --> 00:57:09.760
And I'm positive they're going to be someone that you really are into.

951
00:57:09.760 --> 00:57:10.760
Okay.

952
00:57:10.760 --> 00:57:11.760
Great.

953
00:57:11.760 --> 00:57:12.760
Thank you, Jackie, so much.

954
00:57:12.760 --> 00:57:13.760
You're welcome.

955
00:57:13.760 --> 00:57:16.760
All right, Stacy, you're up.

956
00:57:16.760 --> 00:57:20.760
Hi, Jackie D.

957
00:57:20.760 --> 00:57:21.760
Hi, Stacy B.

958
00:57:21.760 --> 00:57:29.520
Um, so I have been talking to this guy, I met this guy on Facebook.

959
00:57:29.520 --> 00:57:32.880
We chatted for a bit, Facebook dating, we chatted for a bit.

960
00:57:32.880 --> 00:57:34.800
And then he's like, Hey, let's talk.

961
00:57:34.800 --> 00:57:39.840
So we talked for about an hour and, um, he lives in San Antonio.

962
00:57:39.840 --> 00:57:42.000
So we've got some things in common.

963
00:57:42.000 --> 00:57:46.040
Like we don't have either, neither of us have any kids.

964
00:57:46.040 --> 00:57:47.040
He's planted in church.

965
00:57:47.040 --> 00:57:48.880
I'm planted in church.

966
00:57:48.880 --> 00:57:52.120
And so just felt like there was a lot of commonality.

967
00:57:52.120 --> 00:58:00.840
So we texted a little bit last week, and then I knew that he was doing like reviews for

968
00:58:00.840 --> 00:58:02.020
his company.

969
00:58:02.020 --> 00:58:04.000
And so he's all invested in that.

970
00:58:04.000 --> 00:58:09.080
And so he texted me before the weekend, I went away for the weekend, I came back.

971
00:58:09.080 --> 00:58:12.920
And so I texted him and he's like, yeah, I'm in the middle of all this stuff.

972
00:58:12.920 --> 00:58:15.320
And my mind is just like a mess.

973
00:58:15.320 --> 00:58:20.200
So part of me is like, okay, well, let your mind be a mess and you go on.

974
00:58:20.200 --> 00:58:23.960
And then the other part is like, but I'm interested.

975
00:58:23.960 --> 00:58:33.400
So um, and I have a feeling that he may be a workaholic, because he doesn't have a wife,

976
00:58:33.400 --> 00:58:34.840
he doesn't have kids.

977
00:58:34.840 --> 00:58:42.400
And from what he's told me, I can tell he's successful in in his, he's really grown in

978
00:58:42.400 --> 00:58:43.680
his career.

979
00:58:43.680 --> 00:58:44.680
Okay.

980
00:58:45.200 --> 00:58:50.520
So my question is, should I just leave this alone now see if he reaches back out to me?

981
00:58:50.520 --> 00:58:54.720
Because obviously, he's in the middle of doing all these, you know, work reviews?

982
00:58:54.720 --> 00:58:59.840
Or should I wait a little bit, maybe text him again next week if I don't hear from him?

983
00:58:59.840 --> 00:59:03.640
Okay, so all of us ladies, we need to know this.

984
00:59:03.640 --> 00:59:08.080
And we do know it and we see to be reminded of it is that men do what they want to do.

985
00:59:08.080 --> 00:59:09.720
Okay, they do.

986
00:59:09.720 --> 00:59:12.120
Gentlemen, is it true?

987
00:59:12.120 --> 00:59:14.840
Do men do do men go after what they want?

988
00:59:14.840 --> 00:59:15.840
At some level?

989
00:59:15.840 --> 00:59:16.840
Do they?

990
00:59:16.840 --> 00:59:17.840
Do they?

991
00:59:17.840 --> 00:59:18.840
Okay.

992
00:59:18.840 --> 00:59:23.040
And so, um, two scenarios here, neither one of them are that great.

993
00:59:23.040 --> 00:59:30.080
Number one, you know, he just, he just isn't that interested enough to make time, like

994
00:59:30.080 --> 00:59:34.400
maybe it was an interesting conversation, but he's over it, he's moved on.

995
00:59:34.400 --> 00:59:41.360
And number two is that he and I and I'm sure he's probably not lying about being busy at

996
00:59:41.360 --> 00:59:43.080
work in either scenario.

997
00:59:43.080 --> 00:59:48.000
But the second and the second scenario is not what I really would like for you.

998
00:59:48.000 --> 00:59:55.040
And that is, he is not in a season of his life where this is a top priority.

999
00:59:55.040 --> 00:59:59.720
You know, he's not prioritizing this part of his life, which I'm leaning towards that

1000
00:59:59.720 --> 01:00:00.080
being.

1001
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.560
the thing. I think that, you know, he's moderately interested in someone he's not, you know,

1002
01:00:04.560 --> 01:00:11.280
doesn't know and had a good, you know, a good repertoire with, but at the same time,

1003
01:00:12.640 --> 01:00:20.560
he isn't hungry enough for a relationship. You know, you're ready. You've done the work.

1004
01:00:21.120 --> 01:00:27.040
You're ready. You're ripe for the picking. And so I would leave it, you know, you already

1005
01:00:27.040 --> 01:00:31.680
volleyed back to him. He said he was super busy. How did you leave it after he said that? Did you

1006
01:00:31.680 --> 01:00:37.040
say, okay, we'll hit me up when you're free. What happened? I just left it. Oh, after he said,

1007
01:00:37.040 --> 01:00:42.800
I'm really busy with work. You didn't respond. Yeah. I did a thumbs up. He's like, I'm at home

1008
01:00:42.800 --> 01:00:48.160
now. And I've taken all of these reviews with me and my mind's melting. I don't even know how to

1009
01:00:48.160 --> 01:00:54.080
articulate it. Okay. And so I just, I just gave him a thumbs up. I gave him a thumbs up and that

1010
01:00:54.080 --> 01:01:00.240
was it. Okay. And he is a believer. He goes to church and all the things. He's all the things

1011
01:01:00.240 --> 01:01:05.840
that I like. Yeah. When it's all things you like. Okay. And how long ago did you do the thumbs up?

1012
01:01:07.280 --> 01:01:12.000
This was today. Oh, today you did the thumbs up. Is there any reason why you didn't give

1013
01:01:12.000 --> 01:01:19.200
words to that? Were you just mad? I mean, you're a woman of words. What's the thumbs up about?

1014
01:01:19.520 --> 01:01:27.520
I was a little mad. Yeah, I think so. Are you sure you didn't mean this instead?

1015
01:01:30.240 --> 01:01:36.480
On my game, I'm getting over food poisoning and I've never, I've never had food poisoning

1016
01:01:36.480 --> 01:01:42.240
and I didn't realize that I'm going to like pull the wind out of my sails. So I'm kind of like,

1017
01:01:42.240 --> 01:01:47.440
yeah, that's just so not like you. And that's why I was just like, okay, because you're so intense.

1018
01:01:47.520 --> 01:01:53.920
Like I'm food poisoning and I'm reaching out to you now. And yeah. Okay. So what time was that at?

1019
01:01:56.400 --> 01:02:01.360
It was probably about an hour and a half ago or so. So I would just, I would just follow up with

1020
01:02:01.360 --> 01:02:07.360
that. Like, Hey, I'm off my game too. I think I had a touch of food poisoning. So, you know,

1021
01:02:08.720 --> 01:02:13.040
praying that you get everything done and, you know, and when you come up for air, you know,

1022
01:02:13.360 --> 01:02:17.040
I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to hear from you when you come up from air and that's it.

1023
01:02:17.040 --> 01:02:24.240
And then that's his volley and you're done. Okay. Okay. Awesome. Stacey, we hope you feel better.

1024
01:02:24.240 --> 01:02:29.040
Thank you. Yes. You're going to feel better. You guys don't eat wherever Stacey ate. I don't know.

1025
01:02:29.040 --> 01:02:35.120
Where was it? It was a stadium in Houston. I went to monster trucks, the whole monster jam front.

1026
01:02:35.120 --> 01:02:41.120
Oh no. Their six-year-old son. We had a great time. We had a great time. We had a great time.

1027
01:02:42.080 --> 01:02:47.280
We had a great time. Don't ever get the garlic Parmesan chicken tenders at the NRG stadium in

1028
01:02:47.280 --> 01:02:54.560
Houston. No, nope. I'm not going to you guys. I'm not going to do this because if I do,

1029
01:02:54.560 --> 01:02:58.960
I'll go political. I just, just going to tell you it's 19 days till election vote for

1030
01:02:59.760 --> 01:03:04.400
non poisoned food. That's what you should vote for. Okay. All right. We're going,

1031
01:03:04.400 --> 01:03:06.160
we're keeping going. Abby, what do you got?

1032
01:03:09.280 --> 01:03:17.120
So I met a guy last week and he seems to be very interested in Chinese girl. And he lived in China

1033
01:03:17.120 --> 01:03:22.080
for seven years. He talked with me all the whole time in Chinese, which was great. And then,

1034
01:03:24.960 --> 01:03:29.600
but then we started to follow each other on Instagram. Right. And then it just happened

1035
01:03:29.600 --> 01:03:33.760
to see even the day I added him, I didn't see that. And the next day, I don't know whether

1036
01:03:33.760 --> 01:03:40.320
it's God or not. I saw like his following account, very like basically cooking, you know,

1037
01:03:40.320 --> 01:03:47.600
the women is half negative. So I was really irritated by it. And then, so there's not only

1038
01:03:47.600 --> 01:03:54.480
this is for this guy's like, I don't feel like I'm super interested, maybe like 50, 50. And then

1039
01:03:54.480 --> 01:04:00.000
when I saw the count, I'm like, shall tell him or not. But then he started to talk to me again.

1040
01:04:00.640 --> 01:04:07.440
And then I'm like, Hey, actually, I think there's something I feel bothered. Is that okay? I asked

1041
01:04:07.440 --> 01:04:14.560
you. So I asked him and he gave me an explanation. It seems like he's fine. Right? He's like, Oh,

1042
01:04:14.560 --> 01:04:20.160
I think you're right. I shouldn't follow someone like that. And he gave a reason or excuse. I don't

1043
01:04:20.160 --> 01:04:26.240
know whether it's true or not. But then he still talks with me, I start to feel like he's he was

1044
01:04:26.240 --> 01:04:34.560
not that interested. But then he's, but he's like, he sent me a message yesterday. He's like,

1045
01:04:34.560 --> 01:04:39.520
Hey, I don't want to, I don't need to walk work yesterday. I like today. I'm like, Oh,

1046
01:04:39.520 --> 01:04:44.480
seems he's fine. Right? But I feel like he's not, he was not that interested. But today,

1047
01:04:44.480 --> 01:04:50.320
because before we were talking about we were talking on the video, we do a video call.

1048
01:04:50.320 --> 01:04:55.600
So today, I'm like, do you want to do a video call? You know, because there's a lot of typing,

1049
01:04:55.600 --> 01:04:58.240
because I asked about his testimony, he talked a lot.

1050
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.520
I'm like and then he's he's like actually I don't I don't I'm not that interested in you anymore

1051
01:05:07.520 --> 01:05:14.240
after you telling me about you know point out and he he basically used the word he of course he said

1052
01:05:14.240 --> 01:05:20.720
in Chinese but basically he thought I was accusing him then like a little bit surprised because he

1053
01:05:20.720 --> 01:05:27.680
seems to be fine because I was hesitant a little bit at the beginning I'm like when people think

1054
01:05:27.680 --> 01:05:34.960
I'm you know I'm too too strong come out too strong at first just you know after a few talks

1055
01:05:34.960 --> 01:05:40.160
point out stuff like that but I feel like I could not pretend like I didn't see it right because

1056
01:05:40.160 --> 01:05:48.720
it's right after my comp then like this is maybe God you know so just any size being God defended

1057
01:05:48.720 --> 01:05:53.120
is a real thing friends and God will show you what you need to see when you need to see it

1058
01:05:53.120 --> 01:05:57.360
and I really just want to applaud you for actually bringing it up you know you guys

1059
01:05:57.360 --> 01:06:02.400
if we are friends on social media and I know people who will not allow people that they're

1060
01:06:02.400 --> 01:06:06.400
talking to to follow them on social media you know for a lot of reasons they don't want them

1061
01:06:06.400 --> 01:06:10.800
to see their friends or family there they don't know them well enough to like let them into their

1062
01:06:10.800 --> 01:06:14.800
world that that um there's other reasons why people might not let you follow them on social

1063
01:06:14.800 --> 01:06:19.360
media and these these could be reasons as well because they know that they're following a lot of

1064
01:06:19.360 --> 01:06:25.440
you know accounts that are you know not Christian for sure but then not even not

1065
01:06:25.440 --> 01:06:30.240
Christian but like pornographic accounts and there's a lot of them you guys a lot of bikini

1066
01:06:30.240 --> 01:06:36.400
accounts and um you know a lot of and guys you know I don't want to just put this in the area

1067
01:06:36.400 --> 01:06:41.040
of pornography you know of course there could be women that are following half-naked men accounts

1068
01:06:41.040 --> 01:06:46.480
not usually men are the ones following those accounts too okay um but women have other

1069
01:06:46.480 --> 01:06:49.920
vices if you're friends with someone if you're friends with a girl that you're talking to

1070
01:06:49.920 --> 01:06:54.560
on Instagram and you see that everything that she talks about is materialistic she's following all

1071
01:06:54.560 --> 01:06:59.280
kinds of bougie brands and she's always talking about you know money and different things like

1072
01:06:59.280 --> 01:07:04.080
that then you can see where her heart is the Bible says that where your treasure is your heart will

1073
01:07:04.080 --> 01:07:11.040
be also right and so I'm proud of our sister here for calling him out on that I'm sure that you

1074
01:07:11.040 --> 01:07:16.320
weren't too strong you actually asked him could I'm bothered by something could I ask you about it

1075
01:07:16.400 --> 01:07:21.120
and he said yes and you asked him about it and he agreed with you that he thought

1076
01:07:21.120 --> 01:07:26.960
he agreed with you because he basically got caught that oh I shouldn't be following that

1077
01:07:26.960 --> 01:07:31.360
but then what happened was is he decided that it was too much trouble to pretend

1078
01:07:32.640 --> 01:07:40.400
for you you know whatever whatever designs he had on you it was too much work to try to

1079
01:07:40.400 --> 01:07:46.800
change who he is or fake change who he is in order to get whatever he was wanting from you

1080
01:07:46.800 --> 01:07:50.960
and I think after you mentioned that account he saw that you probably were a little bit

1081
01:07:50.960 --> 01:07:55.200
too prude or goody-goody for him in the first place because he had ulterior motives towards

1082
01:07:55.200 --> 01:08:04.240
you and so score you just you just you just dodged a bullet and did not waste however much time you

1083
01:08:04.240 --> 01:08:11.280
were going to be wasting with this guy pretending to be a good guy when he's not all right god help

1084
01:08:11.280 --> 01:08:19.439
him get him some help all right where'd she go she disappeared did you hear me did you hear my answer

1085
01:08:22.000 --> 01:08:27.680
yes I'm here I'm sorry yes I just lower my hand that that's very helpful because I feel like

1086
01:08:27.680 --> 01:08:33.520
today after this I feel like the enemy kind of attacked me again you say oh you're too much

1087
01:08:33.520 --> 01:08:39.760
you know why why you react to such a small things why you look at their accounts and stuff like that

1088
01:08:39.760 --> 01:08:46.000
yeah that's great thank you no you guys listen you know I'm not saying go be a detective on

1089
01:08:46.000 --> 01:08:51.680
Instagram but if a guy is following all kinds of nudie accounts and bikini accounts he's not

1090
01:08:51.680 --> 01:08:59.120
he's not he's not the guy for you okay um when I met David I was his neighbor and I wasn't trying

1091
01:08:59.120 --> 01:09:04.319
to date him but I also wasn't trying to be someone that I'm not and he let his daughter

1092
01:09:04.319 --> 01:09:09.840
play with these little scandalous dolls called brats and our daughters were really young I had

1093
01:09:09.840 --> 01:09:16.319
a six-year-old daughter and his daughter was nine years old and um they played together and she had

1094
01:09:16.319 --> 01:09:21.279
all these brat dolls okay all these if you don't know they they look like they look like little

1095
01:09:21.279 --> 01:09:27.120
prostitutes I call them prostitutes little prostitutes okay they got big lips and they

1096
01:09:27.120 --> 01:09:31.760
look all seductive and the hair and then they wear skimpy little outfits you know and stuff like

1097
01:09:31.760 --> 01:09:35.840
way worse than Barbie ever was and my daughter didn't have Barbies either and I wasn't being

1098
01:09:35.840 --> 01:09:41.920
religious I just thought that these these little dolls were really in fact it wasn't being religious

1099
01:09:41.920 --> 01:09:47.279
I was being more feminist than religion religious I really thought these dolls kind of set women back

1100
01:09:47.279 --> 01:09:53.920
a whole like generation because of just how sexualized they were and so I said to him one

1101
01:09:53.920 --> 01:09:58.720
day I was like why you let your daughter play with those prostitutes and he was like what I was like

1102
01:09:58.720 --> 01:09:59.840
those little prostitutes

1103
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.280
baby dolls I was like and he's like what I was like those brat dolls and he was

1104
01:10:05.280 --> 01:10:09.400
like oh and he told me later remember we're just neighbors we're just getting

1105
01:10:09.400 --> 01:10:12.680
to know each other he told me later when we were dating that that was one of the

1106
01:10:12.680 --> 01:10:18.600
moments that he was like I could marry this woman because he saw that I was a

1107
01:10:18.600 --> 01:10:23.280
woman of good moral fiber and so Abby I want to tell you this your spirit mate

1108
01:10:23.280 --> 01:10:30.240
is going to be excited that you're a woman with values and morals okay thank

1109
01:10:30.240 --> 01:10:40.240
you so all right okay all right so and and and I want to also show you that not

1110
01:10:40.240 --> 01:10:45.440
only did you dodge a bullet of a man who obviously doesn't have good sexual

1111
01:10:45.440 --> 01:10:51.840
morals but you also dodged a bullet of a man who's gonna gaslight you when you

1112
01:10:51.840 --> 01:10:56.640
try to bring it up because what did he do he turned it back on you and said oh

1113
01:10:56.640 --> 01:11:04.440
I I don't want to I'm not interested in you anymore because why because you you

1114
01:11:04.440 --> 01:11:10.400
do this yeah yeah that's your point yeah well I didn't accuse you I asked you

1115
01:11:10.400 --> 01:11:14.000
about the nudie account that you're following it's not an accusation it's a

1116
01:11:14.000 --> 01:11:18.200
fact bro it's right there he doesn't know what an accusation is right an

1117
01:11:18.200 --> 01:11:22.960
accusation is something that hasn't been proven true this is this is good

1118
01:11:22.960 --> 01:11:27.880
dictionary friend this is a fact you're following it you admitted to it you said

1119
01:11:27.880 --> 01:11:32.640
you shouldn't be so I wasn't accusing you of anything I was pointing out what

1120
01:11:32.640 --> 01:11:37.920
you're doing yeah yeah thank you helpful right

1121
01:11:37.920 --> 01:11:42.840
judge Jackie done okay all right I did watch judge Judy today she gave the lady

1122
01:11:42.840 --> 01:11:47.680
back her dog after the guy stole it it was just a whole big crazy thing all

1123
01:11:47.680 --> 01:11:51.760
right let's see Blair you're up

1124
01:11:54.640 --> 01:12:03.280
hello so God has been first of all thank you for this ministry it has done

1125
01:12:03.280 --> 01:12:09.480
amazing things in my life so far and I haven't even gotten a date yet so God's

1126
01:12:09.480 --> 01:12:15.640
doing good things so one thing that God has been doing since the beginning of

1127
01:12:15.640 --> 01:12:23.160
this is really challenging me on faith and what faith looks like and I've been

1128
01:12:23.160 --> 01:12:26.440
going to therapy I hope that's not TMI and I have a wonderful Christian

1129
01:12:26.440 --> 01:12:30.280
therapist she actually reminds me a lot of you okay I'll actually bring up

1130
01:12:30.280 --> 01:12:33.000
things that I learned like during the heart work and she's like I love that

1131
01:12:33.000 --> 01:12:40.320
that's so great so we were talking recently about faith and how I've always

1132
01:12:40.320 --> 01:12:46.440
been a very practical person and I've always prayed for wisdom and discernment

1133
01:12:46.440 --> 01:12:52.240
and I come from a faith background that's not charismatic at all and not

1134
01:12:52.240 --> 01:12:55.400
that I mean I might go to a church now like people raise their hands and you

1135
01:12:55.400 --> 01:12:59.560
know but like people don't really practice the gifts of the Spirit in

1136
01:12:59.560 --> 01:13:05.960
church but faith I don't think is valued as much and I'm struggling with knowing

1137
01:13:05.960 --> 01:13:10.640
what that looks like practically in dating and how that's married with

1138
01:13:10.640 --> 01:13:16.080
wisdom and discernment and I think you know I'm 42 and I think one of the

1139
01:13:16.080 --> 01:13:20.840
reasons I'm still single is I always think everything has like although my

1140
01:13:20.840 --> 01:13:26.200
ducks have to be in a row before I can put myself out there and my therapist

1141
01:13:26.200 --> 01:13:31.840
has talked a lot about how that's rooted in fear and a lot of what I call wisdom

1142
01:13:31.840 --> 01:13:40.320
and discernment is really fear-based and I'm just wondering I guess because I

1143
01:13:40.320 --> 01:13:44.840
am very practical and how does it look like like what does faith look like in

1144
01:13:44.840 --> 01:13:49.400
this journey and even like my Bible study that I'm actually getting ready to

1145
01:13:49.400 --> 01:13:54.480
go to this week we're starting we're studying the armor of God and this week

1146
01:13:54.480 --> 01:13:59.360
we started our lessons on the shield of faith and so this is definitely I see

1147
01:13:59.360 --> 01:14:05.240
God's bringing it up over and over again but I don't know like for example

1148
01:14:05.240 --> 01:14:08.640
I live in California I'm willing to move I'm going to get out of the state for

1149
01:14:08.640 --> 01:14:15.560
sure but I agree with your therapist I think that it is it is rooted in

1150
01:14:15.560 --> 01:14:21.560
fear and you need to dig into what all fear that it's rooted in one thing that

1151
01:14:21.560 --> 01:14:24.720
comes into my spirit while you're talking is that it is rooted in

1152
01:14:24.720 --> 01:14:30.520
actually the fear of men and it's rooted in you know picking someone who's

1153
01:14:30.520 --> 01:14:33.760
not good or bad because let's talk about ducks in a row because I do talk about

1154
01:14:33.760 --> 01:14:36.680
ducks in a row to actually write about it you know people that think they have

1155
01:14:36.680 --> 01:14:40.400
to all to have their ducks in a row have y'all ever seen ducks in a row before

1156
01:14:40.400 --> 01:14:44.560
okay the reason why that's a saying about getting your ducks in a row is

1157
01:14:44.560 --> 01:14:47.720
because if you see the mom duck and then the ducklings are behind it there's

1158
01:14:47.720 --> 01:14:53.320
always one duckling that's not in the row it's off doing its own thing it's

1159
01:14:53.320 --> 01:14:56.920
falling down the waterfall and now mom's got to go get it's in the traffic

1160
01:14:56.920 --> 01:15:01.800
she's got to go in the street it's all over the place and so

1161
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.880
If it's necessary for you to have all your T's crossed,

1162
01:15:02.880 --> 01:15:05.960
all your I's dotted, all your ducks in a row,

1163
01:15:05.960 --> 01:15:10.180
then that keeps you from ever having to step out

1164
01:15:10.180 --> 01:15:12.640
because your ducks will never be in a row.

1165
01:15:13.640 --> 01:15:16.980
There will always be some loose end in your life

1166
01:15:16.980 --> 01:15:18.560
that will be your excuse.

1167
01:15:18.560 --> 01:15:22.560
And so you're gonna have to realize

1168
01:15:22.560 --> 01:15:24.640
that you're perfectly imperfect

1169
01:15:24.640 --> 01:15:26.760
and you're gonna have to go ahead and step out

1170
01:15:26.760 --> 01:15:28.920
and face the fear so that God can show you

1171
01:15:28.960 --> 01:15:30.720
what the fear is.

1172
01:15:30.720 --> 01:15:33.840
Because I promise you, as soon as you get out there,

1173
01:15:33.840 --> 01:15:35.120
the fear is gonna surface

1174
01:15:35.120 --> 01:15:36.680
and we're gonna know exactly what it is.

1175
01:15:36.680 --> 01:15:39.840
But I think that it has something to do with the fear of,

1176
01:15:39.840 --> 01:15:44.240
when I say man, I mean men, I mean guys.

1177
01:15:45.720 --> 01:15:46.560
So.

1178
01:15:46.560 --> 01:15:47.860
Definitely truth to that.

1179
01:15:49.040 --> 01:15:51.160
So yeah, so God's working on me.

1180
01:15:51.160 --> 01:15:52.400
So thank you so much.

1181
01:15:52.400 --> 01:15:54.220
And one thing I wanna tell you that was really cool.

1182
01:15:54.220 --> 01:15:56.020
So when I was doing the heart work,

1183
01:15:56.860 --> 01:16:00.860
I really recommitted myself to sexual purity.

1184
01:16:01.780 --> 01:16:04.860
Now I never went through a wild phase or anything,

1185
01:16:04.860 --> 01:16:06.060
but I kind of thought to myself,

1186
01:16:06.060 --> 01:16:07.660
if I meet a guy and he's a good man

1187
01:16:07.660 --> 01:16:09.300
and he at least believes in God,

1188
01:16:09.300 --> 01:16:10.780
then at this point in my life,

1189
01:16:10.780 --> 01:16:13.340
like I'd be stupid to not have sex before marriage

1190
01:16:13.340 --> 01:16:15.420
because I have yet to meet a couple

1191
01:16:15.420 --> 01:16:17.300
that's gotten married to my age,

1192
01:16:17.300 --> 01:16:19.500
that hasn't lived together

1193
01:16:19.500 --> 01:16:21.980
or at least had sex outside of marriage.

1194
01:16:21.980 --> 01:16:24.820
And I even, the girls in my Bible study,

1195
01:16:24.820 --> 01:16:26.500
and they do love Jesus,

1196
01:16:26.500 --> 01:16:27.980
but they're just on a different page with this.

1197
01:16:27.980 --> 01:16:30.020
And they're like, yeah, I wouldn't wait.

1198
01:16:30.020 --> 01:16:32.260
It's not really my conviction, whatever.

1199
01:16:32.260 --> 01:16:33.100
And so.

1200
01:16:33.100 --> 01:16:34.940
Yeah, because you're around California Christians

1201
01:16:34.940 --> 01:16:36.100
and they are different.

1202
01:16:36.100 --> 01:16:37.380
They really are.

1203
01:16:37.380 --> 01:16:41.740
And I told them a few weeks ago, I said,

1204
01:16:42.900 --> 01:16:44.060
they know I'm doing this program.

1205
01:16:44.060 --> 01:16:45.940
And I said, I just wanted to let you know

1206
01:16:45.940 --> 01:16:48.660
that I'm taking a stand and I will not have sex

1207
01:16:48.660 --> 01:16:50.820
or any kind of sex until I'm married.

1208
01:16:50.820 --> 01:16:52.340
And they were like, oh, okay.

1209
01:16:52.340 --> 01:16:53.740
Kind of like good luck with that,

1210
01:16:53.740 --> 01:16:55.420
but supportive.

1211
01:16:55.420 --> 01:17:00.180
And that Sunday, the pastor sermon was on godly sexuality.

1212
01:17:00.180 --> 01:17:04.540
And he said, sex is for marriage and a story, period.

1213
01:17:04.540 --> 01:17:05.740
And it was so funny.

1214
01:17:05.740 --> 01:17:07.740
It was just one of those moments where it was like,

1215
01:17:07.740 --> 01:17:09.700
okay, God, you're in this.

1216
01:17:09.700 --> 01:17:11.780
What church do you go to in California?

1217
01:17:11.780 --> 01:17:14.220
It's called South Valley Community.

1218
01:17:14.220 --> 01:17:15.060
Okay.

1219
01:17:15.060 --> 01:17:16.140
It's a formerly,

1220
01:17:16.140 --> 01:17:18.620
it's formerly an American Baptist church.

1221
01:17:18.620 --> 01:17:20.660
And what city are you near?

1222
01:17:20.660 --> 01:17:22.140
You don't have to tell exactly where you live.

1223
01:17:22.460 --> 01:17:25.660
I am about 45 minutes South of Fresno.

1224
01:17:25.660 --> 01:17:26.780
Okay.

1225
01:17:26.780 --> 01:17:29.060
You guys, I just, I didn't tell you guys this,

1226
01:17:29.060 --> 01:17:33.140
but also David and I for our anniversary this year,

1227
01:17:33.140 --> 01:17:34.780
we're already gonna be out in California

1228
01:17:34.780 --> 01:17:37.020
for a business trip.

1229
01:17:37.020 --> 01:17:40.380
And we've decided that we're gonna do a little tour

1230
01:17:40.380 --> 01:17:42.060
of the California coast right there.

1231
01:17:42.060 --> 01:17:43.340
And we'll be telling you,

1232
01:17:43.340 --> 01:17:45.580
we're gonna actually put like a little map up

1233
01:17:45.580 --> 01:17:48.300
of where we're gonna be and like what restaurant

1234
01:17:48.300 --> 01:17:50.460
we will meet you guys at in those places

1235
01:17:50.460 --> 01:17:51.900
if you wanna come out and see us

1236
01:17:52.660 --> 01:17:53.500
and maybe get a blue bracelet.

1237
01:17:53.500 --> 01:17:54.340
Okay.

1238
01:17:54.340 --> 01:17:57.500
And so we'd love to shake your hand, hug your neck,

1239
01:17:57.500 --> 01:17:58.740
you know, pray over you.

1240
01:17:58.740 --> 01:18:00.420
Possibly you might meet your spirit mate

1241
01:18:00.420 --> 01:18:03.180
because you guys both might come there.

1242
01:18:03.180 --> 01:18:04.020
Who knows?

1243
01:18:04.020 --> 01:18:06.940
But it's not gonna be a long drawn out situation,

1244
01:18:06.940 --> 01:18:09.180
but we did decide that we would love to,

1245
01:18:10.380 --> 01:18:11.660
we'd love to meet some of you guys

1246
01:18:11.660 --> 01:18:12.980
since we're out there already.

1247
01:18:12.980 --> 01:18:13.820
Okay.

1248
01:18:13.820 --> 01:18:14.660
So, all right.

1249
01:18:14.660 --> 01:18:15.660
I'm proud of you.

1250
01:18:15.660 --> 01:18:17.380
You guys, when I say California Christians,

1251
01:18:17.380 --> 01:18:19.300
I've had a lot of clients from California

1252
01:18:19.300 --> 01:18:20.460
and I'm gonna tell you,

1253
01:18:20.500 --> 01:18:23.660
the churches out there really have a hard time

1254
01:18:23.660 --> 01:18:26.060
really following in the doctrine

1255
01:18:26.060 --> 01:18:27.740
of the apostles and the prophets.

1256
01:18:27.740 --> 01:18:30.140
They have a really hard time like drawing the line

1257
01:18:30.140 --> 01:18:33.620
when it comes to, you know, these topics,

1258
01:18:33.620 --> 01:18:38.580
you know, because people are so worldly

1259
01:18:38.580 --> 01:18:40.100
and so liberal out there,

1260
01:18:40.100 --> 01:18:42.380
even the people that are Christ followers.

1261
01:18:42.380 --> 01:18:45.340
And so it is rough to be out there

1262
01:18:45.340 --> 01:18:46.940
and to be a Christ follower.

1263
01:18:46.940 --> 01:18:49.580
So pray for your California brothers and sisters.

1264
01:18:49.620 --> 01:18:52.780
They're not only under warfare, like in the culture,

1265
01:18:52.780 --> 01:18:55.220
they're under warfare in the culture of the church

1266
01:18:55.220 --> 01:18:56.980
out there, because it's a lot, you guys.

1267
01:18:56.980 --> 01:18:58.020
I've seen it.

1268
01:18:58.020 --> 01:18:58.860
I've seen it a lot.

1269
01:18:58.860 --> 01:19:01.300
Also, New York is the big cities,

1270
01:19:01.300 --> 01:19:04.140
the big places where there's a lot of liberal thinking.

1271
01:19:04.140 --> 01:19:06.300
You're like, well, Jackie, what do I do?

1272
01:19:06.300 --> 01:19:08.860
Find yourself a group of people

1273
01:19:08.860 --> 01:19:11.860
who really want to follow Jesus.

1274
01:19:11.860 --> 01:19:14.460
And even if you don't go to church with them,

1275
01:19:14.460 --> 01:19:15.620
you know, meet up with them,

1276
01:19:15.620 --> 01:19:17.940
meet up, talk, strengthen each other.

1277
01:19:17.940 --> 01:19:20.740
The Bible talks about strengthening each other.

1278
01:19:20.740 --> 01:19:24.620
You guys, there's a reason why sex is for covenant,

1279
01:19:24.620 --> 01:19:27.100
because God wants you to have a good covenant.

1280
01:19:27.100 --> 01:19:29.900
He wants you to trust each other, you know?

1281
01:19:29.900 --> 01:19:31.860
He wants you to be able to come together

1282
01:19:31.860 --> 01:19:32.900
and trust each other.

1283
01:19:32.900 --> 01:19:36.340
He doesn't want you to introduce all kinds of craziness

1284
01:19:36.340 --> 01:19:39.620
into this beautiful union that you have going on there.

1285
01:19:39.620 --> 01:19:41.060
Does that mean that people that have sex

1286
01:19:41.060 --> 01:19:42.460
or live with each other before they get married

1287
01:19:42.460 --> 01:19:43.500
cannot have a good marriage?

1288
01:19:43.500 --> 01:19:45.260
No, it does not mean that,

1289
01:19:45.300 --> 01:19:48.500
but they are going to have to unpack some stuff.

1290
01:19:48.500 --> 01:19:49.380
And you know what?

1291
01:19:49.380 --> 01:19:52.660
You might as well start your marriage off,

1292
01:19:52.660 --> 01:19:54.740
you know, on the right foot,

1293
01:19:54.740 --> 01:19:57.500
on the righteousness of Jesus' foot,

1294
01:19:57.500 --> 01:19:59.900
than in a place where you have to.

1295
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.760
come up from someplace else.

1296
01:20:01.760 --> 01:20:04.040
You don't wanna do that, all right?

1297
01:20:04.040 --> 01:20:07.160
But if you have already done that in your relationship,

1298
01:20:07.160 --> 01:20:08.920
I don't want you to feel like you have to,

1299
01:20:08.920 --> 01:20:12.600
like, you know, cut and run from that relationship, okay?

1300
01:20:12.600 --> 01:20:14.640
All right, you're just gonna have to make a decision

1301
01:20:14.640 --> 01:20:19.040
about really surrendering this area to God together

1302
01:20:19.040 --> 01:20:21.760
and wanting to go forward together in a place

1303
01:20:21.760 --> 01:20:26.760
where you can have really healthy boundaries here, okay?

1304
01:20:26.840 --> 01:20:28.360
Until you get married.

1305
01:20:28.360 --> 01:20:29.600
And then even after marriage,

1306
01:20:29.600 --> 01:20:31.760
because remember, we wanna be reminded

1307
01:20:31.760 --> 01:20:36.040
that sex is not just physical, okay?

1308
01:20:36.040 --> 01:20:38.240
Sex is emotional and spiritual.

1309
01:20:38.240 --> 01:20:41.040
And so we wanna be reminded of that,

1310
01:20:41.040 --> 01:20:43.080
and that's important, okay?

1311
01:20:43.080 --> 01:20:44.760
So thank you, Blair, for that question.

1312
01:20:44.760 --> 01:20:46.000
Thank you very much.

1313
01:20:46.000 --> 01:20:47.560
We appreciate it.

1314
01:20:47.560 --> 01:20:49.000
All right, so I'm gonna go ahead

1315
01:20:49.000 --> 01:20:50.600
and close up for tonight.

1316
01:20:51.640 --> 01:20:52.960
We can have a little popcorn round.

1317
01:20:52.960 --> 01:20:54.800
You can put some questions in the chat.

1318
01:20:54.800 --> 01:20:58.080
We have about eight minutes here.

1319
01:20:58.080 --> 01:20:59.560
And so I can just go through

1320
01:20:59.560 --> 01:21:01.720
and just answer them real quickly.

1321
01:21:02.840 --> 01:21:04.680
Yes, it makes it much better, Mike.

1322
01:21:04.680 --> 01:21:08.520
And you guys, also one of the dangers

1323
01:21:08.520 --> 01:21:10.120
of having sex when you're dating someone

1324
01:21:10.120 --> 01:21:13.080
is it really does mask a lot of red flags.

1325
01:21:13.080 --> 01:21:14.360
It really does.

1326
01:21:14.360 --> 01:21:18.200
It itself is a red flag, and it also masks red flags.

1327
01:21:18.200 --> 01:21:21.120
It will cause you to not see things

1328
01:21:21.120 --> 01:21:23.040
that you need to really see

1329
01:21:23.040 --> 01:21:26.200
in order to make a decision about marrying that person.

1330
01:21:26.200 --> 01:21:27.640
All right.

1331
01:21:27.640 --> 01:21:29.360
Yes, it's happening everywhere, Janine.

1332
01:21:29.360 --> 01:21:31.720
Thank you for saying that.

1333
01:21:31.720 --> 01:21:33.480
People make fun of your purity life.

1334
01:21:33.480 --> 01:21:34.880
Well, if people make fun of it,

1335
01:21:34.880 --> 01:21:36.000
then they're definitely not the person

1336
01:21:36.000 --> 01:21:38.120
that you wanna date, okay?

1337
01:21:38.120 --> 01:21:38.960
What we got?

1338
01:21:42.400 --> 01:21:44.880
Janet, I'm so glad you had a good time.

1339
01:21:47.520 --> 01:21:49.480
I put a while ago as a ticket.

1340
01:21:49.480 --> 01:21:51.520
I could not get on this call.

1341
01:21:51.520 --> 01:21:53.600
Okay, Victoria, thank you.

1342
01:21:53.600 --> 01:21:55.360
I know you've had a lot of trouble with links,

1343
01:21:55.360 --> 01:21:57.120
and it's not common.

1344
01:21:57.600 --> 01:21:59.560
Not a lot of people are having that.

1345
01:21:59.560 --> 01:22:01.840
In fact, really no one.

1346
01:22:01.840 --> 01:22:04.520
So it's gotta be something with your stuff.

1347
01:22:04.520 --> 01:22:08.040
And so we'll see what happens with that.

1348
01:22:08.040 --> 01:22:09.640
We'll talk to Cheryl about it.

1349
01:22:09.640 --> 01:22:11.120
I work in a nonprofit that deals

1350
01:22:11.120 --> 01:22:12.960
with sexual health in Missouri.

1351
01:22:15.440 --> 01:22:17.040
Abstinence, yes.

1352
01:22:18.800 --> 01:22:22.200
We actually have a nurse in our community

1353
01:22:22.200 --> 01:22:24.840
that delivers babies, and because that's what she does,

1354
01:22:24.840 --> 01:22:26.320
she's able to go into the schools

1355
01:22:26.960 --> 01:22:29.160
and have sex education talk.

1356
01:22:29.160 --> 01:22:32.880
And so she's covertly in those places

1357
01:22:32.880 --> 01:22:34.800
being able to talk about this

1358
01:22:34.800 --> 01:22:36.800
because of what she does for a living.

1359
01:22:38.200 --> 01:22:39.720
Hi, I did a first Zoom call.

1360
01:22:39.720 --> 01:22:41.000
He didn't turn on his camera.

1361
01:22:41.000 --> 01:22:42.440
Is that a red flag?

1362
01:22:42.440 --> 01:22:45.760
Did you ask him why he didn't turn on his camera, Joanne?

1363
01:22:45.760 --> 01:22:47.720
Go ahead and unmute yourself.

1364
01:22:47.720 --> 01:22:49.440
No, I did not.

1365
01:22:49.440 --> 01:22:52.520
I was wanting to see if he was gonna turn it on organically,

1366
01:22:52.520 --> 01:22:55.440
and then the 40 minutes of the Zoom was over,

1367
01:22:55.440 --> 01:22:56.280
and he never turned it on.

1368
01:22:56.280 --> 01:22:58.960
You had your camera on, but he didn't have his on?

1369
01:23:00.080 --> 01:23:00.920
That is correct.

1370
01:23:00.920 --> 01:23:02.080
I had mine on the whole time.

1371
01:23:02.080 --> 01:23:04.440
Okay, did he say that he wants to do it again?

1372
01:23:05.360 --> 01:23:07.880
I didn't know how to abruptly be like, goodbye.

1373
01:23:07.880 --> 01:23:10.000
So I was just like, oh, I had a good time.

1374
01:23:10.000 --> 01:23:11.240
Maybe we'll do this again.

1375
01:23:11.240 --> 01:23:12.440
I didn't know how to end it.

1376
01:23:12.440 --> 01:23:13.280
I'm learning.

1377
01:23:13.280 --> 01:23:14.640
How do you end these Zoom calls?

1378
01:23:15.560 --> 01:23:17.640
Yeah, I mean, there's a couple different reasons.

1379
01:23:17.640 --> 01:23:20.760
He might just feel shy about it.

1380
01:23:20.760 --> 01:23:22.520
He might not like the way he looks.

1381
01:23:22.520 --> 01:23:24.680
He also might not have been somewhere

1382
01:23:24.680 --> 01:23:26.640
he could turn on his camera.

1383
01:23:26.640 --> 01:23:28.040
The worst of these scenarios

1384
01:23:28.040 --> 01:23:30.880
is that he's just not who he says he is.

1385
01:23:30.880 --> 01:23:32.600
Did it give you any feeling at all

1386
01:23:32.600 --> 01:23:34.200
that he's not who he says he is?

1387
01:23:35.360 --> 01:23:37.040
No, I didn't get that feeling.

1388
01:23:37.040 --> 01:23:41.160
I just got the, I just thought it was like,

1389
01:23:41.160 --> 01:23:42.560
we've been on this for 40 minutes.

1390
01:23:42.560 --> 01:23:43.880
You couldn't turn on your camera on?

1391
01:23:43.880 --> 01:23:45.560
I'm like, dude, like.

1392
01:23:45.560 --> 01:23:47.840
Yeah, well, you need to speak up and be like,

1393
01:23:47.840 --> 01:23:49.360
hey, are you gonna turn your camera on?

1394
01:23:49.360 --> 01:23:50.200
I'd like to see you.

1395
01:23:50.200 --> 01:23:51.400
Are you gonna turn your camera on?

1396
01:23:51.400 --> 01:23:53.640
Okay, so if he does ask to do it again,

1397
01:23:53.680 --> 01:23:55.400
his ball's in his court, okay?

1398
01:23:55.400 --> 01:23:56.240
He's already seen you.

1399
01:23:56.240 --> 01:23:57.080
He's already talked to you.

1400
01:23:57.080 --> 01:23:58.640
You spent 40 minutes with him.

1401
01:23:58.640 --> 01:23:59.920
If he wants to see you again,

1402
01:23:59.920 --> 01:24:01.800
is he local or long distance?

1403
01:24:01.800 --> 01:24:03.440
He's local.

1404
01:24:03.440 --> 01:24:04.840
Okay, all right.

1405
01:24:06.360 --> 01:24:07.840
Oh, interesting.

1406
01:24:07.840 --> 01:24:10.880
Okay, let's make sure that we talk,

1407
01:24:10.880 --> 01:24:14.320
we see him before we get together with him in person, okay?

1408
01:24:14.320 --> 01:24:17.600
So you can just ask him, say, hey, you know,

1409
01:24:18.520 --> 01:24:20.160
if he says he wants to do it again,

1410
01:24:20.160 --> 01:24:23.480
just say, hey, let's show up on a FaceTime and talk about it.

1411
01:24:24.160 --> 01:24:25.000
If he says he wants to go on a date,

1412
01:24:25.000 --> 01:24:26.200
say, hey, let's show him on a FaceTime and talk about it.

1413
01:24:26.200 --> 01:24:28.800
And can you please turn on your camera?

1414
01:24:28.800 --> 01:24:31.600
Okay, so, and if you do meet him in person

1415
01:24:31.600 --> 01:24:33.320
without seeing him on camera,

1416
01:24:34.200 --> 01:24:36.120
make sure that it's a very public place

1417
01:24:36.120 --> 01:24:38.240
and it's during the day, okay?

1418
01:24:38.240 --> 01:24:39.080
Thanks.

1419
01:24:39.080 --> 01:24:41.320
Let's be safe out there, okay.

1420
01:24:41.320 --> 01:24:42.320
Portland, Oregon, oh yeah,

1421
01:24:42.320 --> 01:24:45.600
there's lots of places with, okay, with liberal thinking.

1422
01:24:45.600 --> 01:24:47.200
How does one move forward in dating?

1423
01:24:47.200 --> 01:24:48.480
You guys, when I'm saying liberal thinking,

1424
01:24:48.480 --> 01:24:51.400
I'm not talking about politics.

1425
01:24:51.440 --> 01:24:56.360
I'm talking about thinking that thinks that these,

1426
01:24:56.360 --> 01:25:00.200
that these things, these, these, these watermarks, these.

1427
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.000
these creeds and these, you know,

1428
01:25:05.720 --> 01:25:08.040
doctrines that they're outdated,

1429
01:25:08.040 --> 01:25:09.520
that we don't need to do that anymore.

1430
01:25:09.520 --> 01:25:12.360
That's the kind of liberal thinking that I'm talking about.

1431
01:25:12.360 --> 01:25:13.840
How does one move forward in dating

1432
01:25:13.840 --> 01:25:17.520
when the heart is with someone they've dated previously,

1433
01:25:17.520 --> 01:25:19.440
but still interacts with daily?

1434
01:25:19.440 --> 01:25:21.760
I feel so confused, like maybe I shouldn't date

1435
01:25:21.760 --> 01:25:23.400
until I either can move on from,

1436
01:25:23.400 --> 01:25:24.800
well, if you see this person daily,

1437
01:25:24.800 --> 01:25:27.920
that that's just like, do you work with them?

1438
01:25:28.640 --> 01:25:30.960
Leslie, unmute yourself, give me some context.

1439
01:25:30.960 --> 01:25:32.840
No, I don't see him daily.

1440
01:25:34.040 --> 01:25:35.040
Can you hear me?

1441
01:25:35.040 --> 01:25:36.600
Yeah.

1442
01:25:36.600 --> 01:25:37.960
I talk to him daily.

1443
01:25:37.960 --> 01:25:40.080
He doesn't live close to me.

1444
01:25:40.080 --> 01:25:42.960
Okay, you dated him previously, you're not dating him.

1445
01:25:42.960 --> 01:25:45.920
It's not turning into a romance,

1446
01:25:45.920 --> 01:25:47.960
but you talk to him every day, why?

1447
01:25:48.920 --> 01:25:50.200
I mean, we were dating,

1448
01:25:50.200 --> 01:25:54.360
and then there was some things that halted that,

1449
01:25:54.880 --> 01:25:58.240
and, but that we never fully disconnected.

1450
01:25:58.240 --> 01:25:59.800
Even though there was a few times

1451
01:25:59.800 --> 01:26:02.160
that I really did try to,

1452
01:26:02.160 --> 01:26:03.720
but then within a few weeks,

1453
01:26:03.720 --> 01:26:05.840
he would typically reach out again.

1454
01:26:05.840 --> 01:26:09.920
Okay, so without telling us the full story,

1455
01:26:09.920 --> 01:26:11.600
do you know in your heart of hearts

1456
01:26:11.600 --> 01:26:13.360
that whatever the deal breaker was

1457
01:26:13.360 --> 01:26:16.000
that caused you to cut it off is right,

1458
01:26:16.000 --> 01:26:17.240
and it should be cut off?

1459
01:26:19.360 --> 01:26:20.960
It wasn't really a deal breaker.

1460
01:26:21.000 --> 01:26:25.040
It was, I think the pace was too fast.

1461
01:26:26.080 --> 01:26:26.960
Okay.

1462
01:26:26.960 --> 01:26:29.920
In the beginning, and then I joined the heart work.

1463
01:26:29.920 --> 01:26:32.720
I dated him prior to me being in this program,

1464
01:26:32.720 --> 01:26:36.120
so I kind of see things a little different than before.

1465
01:26:36.120 --> 01:26:38.000
And have you met him in person?

1466
01:26:38.000 --> 01:26:41.600
Oh, yes, we dated for about five months.

1467
01:26:41.600 --> 01:26:46.600
Okay, and you think it's too fast, in what way?

1468
01:26:46.720 --> 01:26:48.560
Well, I mean, prior to when,

1469
01:26:48.560 --> 01:26:49.720
okay, so the five months,

1470
01:26:49.720 --> 01:26:51.320
and then that's when it kind of stopped,

1471
01:26:51.320 --> 01:26:52.760
and then I joined the heart work.

1472
01:26:52.760 --> 01:26:54.800
It was fast because I met him.

1473
01:26:54.800 --> 01:26:58.880
It became very, very intimate physically, quickly,

1474
01:26:58.880 --> 01:27:02.640
and also met families quickly,

1475
01:27:02.640 --> 01:27:05.760
and all the promises were made quickly.

1476
01:27:05.760 --> 01:27:09.160
And I, for one, felt very,

1477
01:27:10.000 --> 01:27:12.440
I feel like I'm deeply in love with him.

1478
01:27:13.640 --> 01:27:15.400
Well, obviously, yeah.

1479
01:27:15.400 --> 01:27:17.040
And this is why we don't have sex, y'all,

1480
01:27:17.040 --> 01:27:18.280
because this is what happens.

1481
01:27:18.280 --> 01:27:20.440
It gets real cloudy, gets real muddy.

1482
01:27:20.440 --> 01:27:21.480
The water gets real muddy,

1483
01:27:21.480 --> 01:27:22.680
and then we don't know what to do.

1484
01:27:22.680 --> 01:27:24.200
But yes, I do agree with you

1485
01:27:24.200 --> 01:27:26.560
that you really can't get into a relationship

1486
01:27:26.560 --> 01:27:28.520
with someone else while this is very active.

1487
01:27:28.520 --> 01:27:29.760
This is active.

1488
01:27:29.760 --> 01:27:31.080
You may not say you're dating him,

1489
01:27:31.080 --> 01:27:32.360
but you're talking to him every day,

1490
01:27:32.360 --> 01:27:34.720
so you're dating him, okay?

1491
01:27:34.720 --> 01:27:36.680
And so you need to make a decision

1492
01:27:36.680 --> 01:27:39.880
about what it is about this relationship that,

1493
01:27:39.880 --> 01:27:43.400
besides, okay, so y'all jumped the gun,

1494
01:27:43.400 --> 01:27:45.840
you got sexual, all this stuff happened,

1495
01:27:45.840 --> 01:27:47.400
you met families and stuff,

1496
01:27:47.440 --> 01:27:51.200
but what other things about the relationship

1497
01:27:51.200 --> 01:27:53.640
give you pause, you know?

1498
01:27:53.640 --> 01:27:54.560
Is he healthy?

1499
01:27:54.560 --> 01:27:56.560
Does he, you know, does he love God?

1500
01:27:56.560 --> 01:27:58.680
Is he pursuing a relationship with God?

1501
01:27:58.680 --> 01:28:03.240
I mean, what's causing you

1502
01:28:03.240 --> 01:28:05.680
to say that you don't think

1503
01:28:05.680 --> 01:28:08.400
that there's value in this relationship

1504
01:28:08.400 --> 01:28:10.920
if you guys go at it in a different way?

1505
01:28:10.920 --> 01:28:12.240
Is there something that's causing you

1506
01:28:12.240 --> 01:28:13.760
to say there's no value in it?

1507
01:28:15.360 --> 01:28:17.200
Oh, no, if it was up to me,

1508
01:28:18.000 --> 01:28:18.840
I would be all in.

1509
01:28:18.840 --> 01:28:20.520
I feel like he is hesitant.

1510
01:28:21.560 --> 01:28:24.080
But he's the one that keeps reaching out.

1511
01:28:24.080 --> 01:28:25.880
Yeah, at first I kind of thought

1512
01:28:25.880 --> 01:28:27.400
it was the whole breadcrumbing thing,

1513
01:28:27.400 --> 01:28:30.200
but I don't know.

1514
01:28:30.200 --> 01:28:31.720
But who broke up with who?

1515
01:28:31.720 --> 01:28:34.800
You broke up with him when you got in the heart work?

1516
01:28:34.800 --> 01:28:36.960
No, nobody really officially broke up.

1517
01:28:36.960 --> 01:28:41.600
It was just more like he quit coming so far to visit,

1518
01:28:41.600 --> 01:28:45.600
and there was gaps of time that went by without talking.

1519
01:28:45.640 --> 01:28:49.240
Okay, we definitely need more information

1520
01:28:49.240 --> 01:28:50.080
so we can help you,

1521
01:28:50.080 --> 01:28:51.600
because, you know, it sounds like

1522
01:28:51.600 --> 01:28:53.240
we need some soul tie stuff here.

1523
01:28:53.240 --> 01:28:55.320
So what phase are you in, two or three?

1524
01:28:57.320 --> 01:28:58.400
Three.

1525
01:28:58.400 --> 01:29:01.120
Okay, so just post in your group, okay?

1526
01:29:01.120 --> 01:29:03.080
Give as much detail as you can, all right?

1527
01:29:03.080 --> 01:29:06.920
And if the coaches need to ask for more detail, they will.

1528
01:29:06.920 --> 01:29:08.920
And let's get you some really good advice

1529
01:29:08.920 --> 01:29:11.680
to get you moving forward in one way or another, okay?

1530
01:29:13.120 --> 01:29:14.440
Okay, thanks.

1531
01:29:14.440 --> 01:29:15.440
You're welcome.

1532
01:29:16.280 --> 01:29:18.600
All right, I met a man on Upward who wanted to snuggle.

1533
01:29:18.600 --> 01:29:22.200
Snuggle, get the heck out of here, all right?

1534
01:29:22.200 --> 01:29:23.960
Yes, if some stranger tells you

1535
01:29:23.960 --> 01:29:26.600
that they want to snuggle with you,

1536
01:29:26.600 --> 01:29:30.840
tell them to get themselves a teddy bear,

1537
01:29:30.840 --> 01:29:34.320
or a dog, or a cat, or something, okay?

1538
01:29:34.320 --> 01:29:36.960
Seriously, I mean, I'm just gonna tell you,

1539
01:29:36.960 --> 01:29:38.760
I would rather have someone to say,

1540
01:29:38.760 --> 01:29:40.560
hey, I wanna have sex with you,

1541
01:29:40.560 --> 01:29:43.360
than say I wanna snuggle with you as a stranger,

1542
01:29:43.360 --> 01:29:44.680
because at least they're being honest.

1543
01:29:44.720 --> 01:29:47.000
The snuggle is so creepy.

1544
01:29:47.000 --> 01:29:49.040
How creepy is that, right?

1545
01:29:49.040 --> 01:29:50.480
I wanna snuggle you.

1546
01:29:50.480 --> 01:29:51.320
What?

1547
01:29:51.320 --> 01:29:52.160
No.

1548
01:29:53.080 --> 01:29:53.920
No.

1549
01:29:56.040 --> 01:29:58.720
I mean, yikes.

1550
01:29:58.720 --> 01:29:59.560
Okay.

1551
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:01.700
Hey guys, I appreciate you.

1552
01:30:01.700 --> 01:30:03.160
We had so much fun tonight.

1553
01:30:03.420 --> 01:30:04.620
Love Seats is fun.

1554
01:30:04.620 --> 01:30:07.660
Go ahead and get stuff into Ask Jackie because we're reviving that.

1555
01:30:07.660 --> 01:30:11.260
Yes, I was gone for most of the summer, but we are back and we

1556
01:30:11.260 --> 01:30:12.840
are ready to get that going again.

1557
01:30:12.940 --> 01:30:16.720
If you don't know what that is, it's in the resource tab of your app.

1558
01:30:17.260 --> 01:30:20.980
You know, you can put in a question and then I come on once a week and answer.

1559
01:30:21.220 --> 01:30:23.280
And guys, you have one too, gentlemen.

1560
01:30:23.600 --> 01:30:24.840
And so let's go.

1561
01:30:25.060 --> 01:30:25.380
All right.

1562
01:30:25.380 --> 01:30:26.100
See you guys soon.

1563
01:30:26.100 --> 01:30:26.780
Bye everyone.