WEBVTT

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All right, ladies, welcome.

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Today is October 29th.

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It's one o'clock Eastern time.

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This is your phase two check-in call.

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I'm Carla Johnson.

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I'm one of your coaches here in phase two.

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I'm so excited to be here.

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Got some fun things that we're going to go ahead and cover today.

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Bethany will be joining us here in a little bit.

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She should be popping on at some point during our call.

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With that, I see two of us on here.

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I'm going to go ahead and just go through some of our housekeeping items as we get more

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ladies jumping in on the call.

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As I said a few moments ago, if you are somewhere where you can put your camera on, please do so.

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It's just us ladies here, okay?

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As you can see, I pretty much rolled out of bed today.

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I had a lot going on this morning.

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My son participated in a jog-a-thon at his school, and they were like one of the first

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early classes, so I had no time to get ready this morning.

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That's why I got my baseball hat on with my son's travel ball team logo on it, my glasses.

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Unfortunately, I don't have those lenses that don't do the reflecting, so I apologize

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about that, but yes, if you can come on camera, please do, for sure, so yes.

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Do we have anybody that is new to Phase 2?

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If you are new to Phase 2, this is your first week, go ahead and raise your avatar hand

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so that I can see who I have in here is new.

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I don't know if we do or not.

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I think everybody's been here for a week or so, or maybe even longer.

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Hmm, Joanna, you are new.

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Awesome, well, welcome.

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Excited to have you here with us.

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It always makes going over housekeeping stuff nice, because I feel like I'm actually talking

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to somebody who's just joined us, because we do cover some of the same stuff over and

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over again each week, so it is nice when I have somebody on my call that's brand new,

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so Joanna, we are so excited to have you here, so yes, we're going to go over a couple

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of housekeeping things here, so those of you that are in Phase 2, understand that we do

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have five videos in your Phase 2 content, so it's going to be your Love Story Accelerator,

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that's the kickoff that kind of just gives you an overview of what to expect as you're

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jumping into Phase 2.

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Then we get into the meatier parts of the content, which starts off with Dating 101,

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then we move into Divine Feminine, which is my favorite video, and then after that,

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we have Online Dating, and then we end it with a Boundaries video, and so each week

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when you come to these live sessions, we're going to kind of dive into one video a week.

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This month, there happens to be five Tuesdays, so we're kind of doing a little free-for-all.

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If you weren't on a little bit ago, I did share that we should have Bethany jumping

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in here in a moment.

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She and I are going to kind of tag-team in hopes that we can give you all some insight

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here to Phase 2 and things that you may be experiencing, just from two OGs that have

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been in the program, have been, you know, kind of went ahead of you, and have already

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completed that stuff, and we have some of our success stories, and we can kind of give

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you some of our feedback, and then later tonight, we have Ebony, one of your coaches on, and

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she's one of your sisters, along with Leah, another one of your coaches, that is walking

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this journey with you, and so you kind of get a little bit of both.

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You get, you know, two coaches that are walking through the process with you, and then you

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have another two coaches who have walked through the process and have found their husbands

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and are walking through that as well, so, you know, we're excited to be able to share

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that with you.

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So, as I said, you have those five videos today.

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We're just kind of going to go into just some fun things, I think, today of some practical

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tools and tips that you can use of things that maybe some of you ladies are experiencing

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here in this phase 2 in hopes that we can give you some encouragement as well, so now

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that you're in Phase 2, some things that I kind of like to share with you that when you're

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in Phase 2, you're going to watch those five videos.

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We encourage one video a week.

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We don't want you rushing through.

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We also don't want you kind of getting stuck in one and maybe responding out of fear that

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you're not stepping into continuing to move forward in the process, so we want to make

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sure that there is a nice, steady flow in Phase 2, so you'll have those videos.

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We really want to encourage you to come to these live check-ins, so those ladies that

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are on here right now.

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that are with me live, awesome, thank you so much.

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You're gonna get the most out of this phase

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when you are able to make it live to these check-ins.

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We understand life happens,

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and that's why we put them in replay

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so that if you cannot get here for some strange reason,

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maybe something didn't work in your schedule,

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then they are available for you in replay.

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So if you can't make it, ladies,

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make it a priority to make sure you're catching the replays.

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Make sure that you are also attending live prayer calls.

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We have a prayer call that happens

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every single day of the week.

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Definitely make it to those Supernatural Saturdays

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and those Sunday night activations.

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Those will definitely fill your cup up

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and give you some encouragement.

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Jackie usually shares a word that she's hearing

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for the season that we are in,

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and I will tell you just from my own experience

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and the walks that I have been in,

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they're always so timely,

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and they don't always just apply

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to being single and dating.

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It applies to life in general.

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So definitely make sure you get

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to those Supernatural Saturdays

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and those Sunday night activations

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and any of those prayer calls that you can get to.

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And then last but not least,

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make sure that you are showing up

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and make sure that you're here with us.

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I know like Siggy and Mariska,

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they're frequently here,

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so I can attest that they are working this program.

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They are showing up.

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They're getting vulnerable.

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They're sharing with us their experiences,

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and they're going to glean a lot.

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Same thing with Teresa.

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Teresa's usually here with us as well.

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So get to know your sisters.

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That's really important too,

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and I'll get into that in a little bit,

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just about the community as a whole

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and how it's blessed me,

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especially when Bethany gets on here,

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we can kind of go through that a little bit as well.

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But those are just kind of the what to expect of phase two.

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So when you've watched those videos,

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you've been here at least four to five weeks,

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you've come to some live check-ins,

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and then you're like, okay, now what?

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Then that's when you would move on to phase three,

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where you would email admin at JackieDorman.com

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and let them know, hey, I'm done with my content.

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I've been to live videos,

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and I've worked phase two,

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and I'm ready to move into phase three, okay?

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So I know we got some newbies here.

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So now that you are in phase two,

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and I've kind of given you the overview of what to expect,

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you might be asking, what do you mean by showing up?

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What does that actually look like?

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So showing up means, one,

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you're coming here to these live check-ins.

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So definitely celebrate that you're here today

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and that you're watching either in replay

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or with us live.

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So that is one way that you're showing up.

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And then posting in our community app,

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and those can be about all different things.

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So I know a lot of times it can be,

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I know a lot of times there's women that come in here,

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they're like, I'm not ready to date yet.

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Carla, I'm just, I'm not there yet.

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I feel like I have some stuff that I need to work on.

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And so what happens is sometimes

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y'all don't wanna come to these check-ins,

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or you don't feel like you have anything

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to share in the community,

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and that's just simply not true.

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So I'll even just kind of share a little bit

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of what my journey was,

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is that I was in this community for over a year

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before I actually started dating,

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but that didn't mean that I wasn't showing up

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and I wasn't engaging in the community.

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So there's other ways that even if you may not be dating

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currently in the moment,

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doesn't mean that you can't glean

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from this community, some things,

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and you can't find ways that you can grow

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and be using your heart work and learning more information

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and just building a better version of yourself, okay?

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So I can attest that I am one of those people

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that did that.

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And so those hosts in our community,

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yeah, you're gonna see women share

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about their dating experiences.

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We definitely want you ladies,

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if you are dating to be sharing your dating experiences,

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but if you're not, celebrate some wins that you have,

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celebrate what's going well for you,

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or maybe you're experiencing some setbacks,

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share that with us.

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Let us walk through this season of life with you.

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Share about breakthroughs you're having,

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share about questions that you're having with the content.

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It can be about absolutely anything.

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Like this program can work for you

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in however you want it to work, okay?

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You just have to be able to show up

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and get vulnerable with us, okay?

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Build friendships in this community.

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Interact with those sisters.

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I can attest to one of the biggest blessings

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in this community with a lot of the friendships

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that I made, I actually, one of the girls

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that I got to know pretty well,

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she's the one that was looking out.

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In apps and groups and things and she saw a guy and was like, hey, what do you think of this guy?

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I'm reaching out to him for you. Are you cool if he reaches out to you and I was like, you know, sure whatever

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And so that's how my husband and I met it was through one of my friends in this community

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You know, I was living in Florida

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She was living in Atlanta and then she was a travel nurse and she moved to North Dakota and was moving to Missouri

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So she I mean we never lived in that same vicinity be

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vicinity to one another but we built relationship in this community and then we had

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You know

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Retreats and things like that that we ended up connecting with each other on as well

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So get to know your sisters in here share what's going on in your life

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If you are posting in our community and you have a specific question for one of us coaches

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Please make sure that you are

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Posting that comment and attaching it to the ask a coach tab

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So definitely make sure that you're being mindful of that and ladies if you are responding to any of your sisters in the community

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Go and make sure that that post is not in the ask a coach section

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Okay, we really want to kind of leave those just solely for the coaches to respond to

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Okay, and then when you are responding to ladies, let's keep those things positive

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Let's not you know get on the negative train. Let's not like bring your sisters down

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Let's just keep things positive for them

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okay, and then

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Let's see some important reminders in our app ladies. Make sure that you're checking out all of those tabs in the app

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There's the training tab the resource tab. That's a huge one

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That's where you're gonna find the spirit mate spirit mate match and take form to make sure you're filling that out

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And then we have our affiliate program the single cities those types of things are in that resource tab

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Your training videos your replay videos

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So this call today will be in the replay the call that I did last week is in the replay

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The supernatural Saturday is in the replay Jackie did a special love seat session last Tuesday

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That's in the replay

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so those are where your replay content is going to be and then your training is where your training content is, okay, so

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Another thing keep in mind that this is a brand new app that we have developed

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Specifically for this community

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so with that just understand and practice grace and

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Understanding to know that we are in that process of working out a few glitches here and there

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so just trust the process know that we we are working hard behind the scenes to make this as a

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Seamless app for you to use and tool. I know

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Oftentimes people will post things we may not get to see them right away

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So we are working out those glitches, but just know that when we see them we will respond to you

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As quickly as we possibly can

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Also, if you are in the app and you do have a coach that responds to you do us a favor and click the reply

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tab underneath our comments so that you are replying specifically to us because

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Oftentimes like I will I'm one of those coaches where oftentimes I'm gonna ask you questions

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I'm gonna want more feedback from you

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and so what happens is if you go under your post and you reply to yourself you get notified that you

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Reply to yourself. I don't get the notification that you've replied to my comment. Does that make sense?

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So really be mindful of clicking that reply especially to us coaches

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I do try to do my best to you know, every day go and make sure like, okay

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Who all did I respond to I know I had some questions

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I don't see notifications, but let me go back to those posts and see if maybe they've replied somewhere else

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But if you can help us that will give us an opportunity to reply to you

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much quicker, okay

241
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I think that about covers it just again

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Yeah, keep in mind when you are making a post that you are labeling it with the right tab

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And such okay. So Joanna, you said you have a question about the app. Is it something quick that we can cover?

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Okay, perfect, but it takes a long so I posted something and I didn't post a picture I posted just like a win

245
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Ebony commented and she's like, oh, I would love to see a picture

246
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So I try to go back and upload a picture, but I am it wasn't allowing me to do that

247
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You'll have to just make a whole nother post. So just go ahead and don't like

248
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ladies, don't be afraid to post frequently, all right?

249
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I mean, like, as long as we're kind of keeping it

250
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in the state, like, you know,

251
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you're not like posting like five things

252
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and it's the same question

253
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because maybe we're getting a little impatient

254
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that maybe somebody hasn't answered your response yet.

255
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Like that, obviously keep that to a minimum,

256
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but you know, don't be afraid

257
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if you've got one question that's a fading question,

258
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you know, and you want a coach to respond

259
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and then you're like, okay,

260
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and I also have another question over here

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00:15:30.760 --> 00:15:33.800
about the Divine Feminine video that I just watched.

262
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Can someone help Claire by that for me?

263
00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:38.320
And then maybe you've got, oh, there's another post,

264
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like, you know, I give you ladies activations each week.

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I don't see a lot of people doing them,

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but so we're gonna hopefully try to change that.

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So you might like, last week I gave you ladies

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an activation of like, let's get to know you better.

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Post a picture of yourself doing an activity

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that you enjoy doing.

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And so I think Shawnee shared with us a picture

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of she does photography and she was doing self portrait.

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Same thing with Siggy, she is into photography.

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So they like, you know, they posted pictures

275
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and we got to know a little bit more about them.

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I posted a photo of how I usually spend my weekends.

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It's always at the baseball field.

278
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So, but it's an activity that I absolutely love

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and I enjoy doing.

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So you can post all sorts of things.

281
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So don't be afraid to do that.

282
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But yes, your question is after you've made a post,

283
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there's really no way to go back and edit.

284
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Like I am notorious for misspellings

285
00:16:40.000 --> 00:16:41.680
and then I'll go and I'll post it

286
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because I maybe didn't reread.

287
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And I'm like, oh my goodness,

288
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I have all these spelling errors all over the place.

289
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So then I'm like replying like, you know,

290
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oh, I meant to say this, not this.

291
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So unfortunately we can't go back and edit

292
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or add things to it,

293
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but you can definitely make another post

294
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if it has something else on that you want to add.

295
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Okay.

296
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Sound good?

297
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Awesome.

298
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Okay.

299
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Woo.

300
00:17:07.720 --> 00:17:10.599
I know, I always feel like it's very long winded

301
00:17:10.599 --> 00:17:12.760
with the housekeeping stuff.

302
00:17:12.760 --> 00:17:15.400
So like I said earlier,

303
00:17:16.640 --> 00:17:18.920
typically what we do is each week,

304
00:17:18.920 --> 00:17:22.079
we kind of pull from one of the videos

305
00:17:22.079 --> 00:17:24.720
and we kind of deep dive into that,

306
00:17:24.720 --> 00:17:28.000
highlight some things from that video

307
00:17:28.000 --> 00:17:29.920
because there are those four videos

308
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and there's typically four Tuesdays in a month.

309
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This month we have an extra Tuesday.

310
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So myself and the coaches

311
00:17:37.640 --> 00:17:40.480
were having some conversations this weekend

312
00:17:40.480 --> 00:17:43.920
and we all kind of felt in our spirit

313
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this desire to really help you ladies

314
00:17:48.680 --> 00:17:51.200
with some practical tips of things

315
00:17:51.200 --> 00:17:54.320
that you might start seeing happening

316
00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:56.720
in phase two for yourself.

317
00:17:56.720 --> 00:17:59.080
We want to give you practical dating tips,

318
00:17:59.080 --> 00:18:03.000
but we also understand that not everybody is,

319
00:18:04.040 --> 00:18:06.880
not everybody is on the same journey

320
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and the same path and the same pacing as everybody else.

321
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So I say this because I know

322
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we talk about the seven date challenge

323
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and we want you ladies getting out there

324
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and coming out of hiding

325
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and start putting your feelers out there

326
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and start going on some dates.

327
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But we also understand that not everyone

328
00:18:30.480 --> 00:18:33.480
is going to be fully ready to dive into that.

329
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I was one of those people.

330
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And so that's how like I can totally relate to that.

331
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So we want you,

332
00:18:42.840 --> 00:18:46.480
we don't want because you are not dating

333
00:18:46.480 --> 00:18:50.120
to feel like you can't contribute

334
00:18:50.120 --> 00:18:52.480
or you can't participate in this phase

335
00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:54.640
because that's simply not true.

336
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One thing that myself and Bethany and Ebony

337
00:18:58.520 --> 00:19:03.080
and Leah shared and Bethany and I have experienced

338
00:19:03.080 --> 00:19:05.200
with this having been in the program

339
00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:07.960
and now both of us are married

340
00:19:07.960 --> 00:19:12.720
is that during our season in this group,

341
00:19:12.720 --> 00:19:15.400
there were so many opportunities

342
00:19:15.400 --> 00:19:17.640
and situations that we found ourselves in

343
00:19:17.640 --> 00:19:19.920
that didn't always include dating

344
00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:22.240
that God was highlighting to us

345
00:19:22.240 --> 00:19:27.240
to grow us into a better spirit mate for our husbands.

346
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And so I want to encourage you ladies

347
00:19:30.320 --> 00:19:31.840
that even if you're not dating,

348
00:19:31.840 --> 00:19:34.880
what are some things that God is highlighting to you

349
00:19:34.880 --> 00:19:37.080
or situations or circumstances

350
00:19:37.080 --> 00:19:38.800
that you're finding yourself in?

351
00:19:38.800 --> 00:19:41.920
What is God and Holy Spirit highlighting to you

352
00:19:41.920 --> 00:19:44.360
that you can be growing in those types of things?

353
00:19:44.360 --> 00:19:47.080
So a lot of times we might feel,

354
00:19:47.960 --> 00:19:50.760
you know, certain things kind of start coming up.

355
00:19:50.760 --> 00:19:52.120
We might start feeling triggers.

356
00:19:52.120 --> 00:19:54.480
We might start getting some emotions and feelings

357
00:19:54.480 --> 00:19:57.200
about, you know, dating or not dating.

358
00:19:57.200 --> 00:19:58.160
If we're in dating,

359
00:19:58.160 --> 00:19:59.920
we might start experiencing some.

360
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.000
situations that just don't feel like they're uncomfortable,

361
00:20:05.640 --> 00:20:09.880
they're not familiar, sometimes they are, you know,

362
00:20:09.880 --> 00:20:12.000
some unhealthy things wanting to creep in

363
00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:15.480
and we can't always control, you know,

364
00:20:15.480 --> 00:20:18.000
the people that we're gonna, you know,

365
00:20:18.000 --> 00:20:21.240
find our, find, you know, in our path,

366
00:20:21.240 --> 00:20:25.800
but they're all opportunities for us to grow into,

367
00:20:25.800 --> 00:20:29.980
you know, our purpose, ourselves and all that kind of stuff.

368
00:20:30.260 --> 00:20:31.940
Does that make sense for you ladies?

369
00:20:31.940 --> 00:20:33.260
I know I got two of you on camera,

370
00:20:33.260 --> 00:20:35.620
so I can see some people responding,

371
00:20:35.620 --> 00:20:38.540
does that make sense?

372
00:20:38.540 --> 00:20:41.260
Okay, so yeah, so we were talking this weekend,

373
00:20:41.260 --> 00:20:42.540
we were, like I said, we want to,

374
00:20:42.540 --> 00:20:43.900
regardless if you're dating or not,

375
00:20:43.900 --> 00:20:47.060
are you allowing God to help you grow into the,

376
00:20:47.060 --> 00:20:48.560
in this season?

377
00:20:48.560 --> 00:20:51.820
So, you know, like I said, it took me about a year

378
00:20:51.820 --> 00:20:54.780
of being in this program before I went on my first date.

379
00:20:55.700 --> 00:20:57.580
Now I always tell you ladies, like I wouldn't,

380
00:20:57.580 --> 00:20:59.160
I wouldn't encourage that, you know,

381
00:20:59.160 --> 00:21:01.680
I think I took a lot of my time

382
00:21:01.680 --> 00:21:05.640
because I was more in a fearful response,

383
00:21:05.640 --> 00:21:07.960
and so I always, you know, coach you ladies

384
00:21:07.960 --> 00:21:12.100
to be mindful of the decisions that you're making,

385
00:21:12.100 --> 00:21:16.480
is it, are you following fear or are you following peace?

386
00:21:17.880 --> 00:21:21.880
And so it's taking that inventory,

387
00:21:21.880 --> 00:21:24.120
it's having that self-awareness.

388
00:21:24.120 --> 00:21:29.120
So I can't say that I always follow God,

389
00:21:29.160 --> 00:21:31.200
I never followed fear because it was important for me

390
00:21:31.200 --> 00:21:33.560
to take time, because one of the things

391
00:21:33.560 --> 00:21:38.560
that God had me work on in the beginning of this program

392
00:21:38.560 --> 00:21:40.720
was my identity in Christ.

393
00:21:42.120 --> 00:21:46.120
And so that was still very important for me,

394
00:21:46.120 --> 00:21:49.320
and I had to walk through that season

395
00:21:49.320 --> 00:21:53.560
in order to fully heal and grow into

396
00:21:53.560 --> 00:21:56.680
and accept who I was in Christ,

397
00:21:56.680 --> 00:22:01.680
so that I could fully receive the gift of a husband,

398
00:22:01.960 --> 00:22:05.760
and also be able to pour into other people,

399
00:22:05.760 --> 00:22:08.680
and so that was really important for my walk,

400
00:22:08.680 --> 00:22:13.080
was discovering who I was and whose I was,

401
00:22:13.080 --> 00:22:17.800
being able to see myself through a lens that God saw me,

402
00:22:17.800 --> 00:22:19.280
and so it took me some time.

403
00:22:19.280 --> 00:22:21.680
Now that didn't mean that I completely checked

404
00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:23.360
out of this community,

405
00:22:23.360 --> 00:22:27.640
I actually pressed into this community more,

406
00:22:27.640 --> 00:22:31.360
because I needed to be around women

407
00:22:31.360 --> 00:22:33.680
who were in the season that I was in,

408
00:22:33.680 --> 00:22:36.280
that was experiencing some of the things

409
00:22:36.280 --> 00:22:38.680
that I was experiencing, that were hungry to grow

410
00:22:38.680 --> 00:22:41.200
and learn and grow in the relationship with God,

411
00:22:41.200 --> 00:22:44.160
who were still single, because here's the thing,

412
00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:46.240
it's like just because we're single,

413
00:22:47.360 --> 00:22:49.160
and like some of us are dating and not,

414
00:22:49.160 --> 00:22:53.680
we're still like, there's things that we can relate to,

415
00:22:53.680 --> 00:22:55.640
and so that was important for me,

416
00:22:56.560 --> 00:22:59.440
to build that sense of community,

417
00:22:59.440 --> 00:23:04.000
and I had that outside in like my every day,

418
00:23:04.000 --> 00:23:08.480
now granted I was joining this program at the end of 2020,

419
00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:11.280
so of course like it was,

420
00:23:11.280 --> 00:23:14.080
people were not really spending time with each other,

421
00:23:14.080 --> 00:23:16.400
but I still had community,

422
00:23:16.400 --> 00:23:19.600
I had a church that I went to that I was plugged into,

423
00:23:19.600 --> 00:23:24.360
and believe it or not, God pruned that church community,

424
00:23:24.360 --> 00:23:28.160
and I mean, there was nothing wrong with that community,

425
00:23:28.160 --> 00:23:30.640
God was just gonna say, I'm gonna grow you,

426
00:23:30.640 --> 00:23:32.240
I'm gonna get you in a place

427
00:23:32.240 --> 00:23:34.320
that where you're gonna get uncomfortable,

428
00:23:34.320 --> 00:23:36.840
because I need you to really see who you are,

429
00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:41.000
you're not gonna hide behind people that,

430
00:23:42.760 --> 00:23:44.800
he just was like, you're not gonna hide around,

431
00:23:44.840 --> 00:23:47.040
you're not gonna hide in your comfort zone,

432
00:23:47.040 --> 00:23:49.000
so I had to get vulnerable,

433
00:23:49.000 --> 00:23:51.640
I had to participate in this community,

434
00:23:51.640 --> 00:23:53.600
and I really pressed in,

435
00:23:53.600 --> 00:23:55.840
so and I wasn't dating ladies,

436
00:23:55.840 --> 00:23:58.560
so for a whole year I wasn't dating,

437
00:24:00.440 --> 00:24:02.040
and I was getting frustrated at times,

438
00:24:02.040 --> 00:24:04.520
but and scared and I'm like, I don't want it,

439
00:24:04.520 --> 00:24:07.080
like this guy's interested in me and I don't wanna do it,

440
00:24:07.080 --> 00:24:09.880
but I communicated that to my sisters,

441
00:24:09.880 --> 00:24:14.440
so I just, I say that because no matter what season

442
00:24:15.040 --> 00:24:18.040
you are in, God is going to continue

443
00:24:18.040 --> 00:24:21.440
to be walking alongside you and help you grow,

444
00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:25.760
so I want you to be thinking, whether you're dating or not,

445
00:24:25.760 --> 00:24:29.200
are you allowing God to help you grow in this season?

446
00:24:30.120 --> 00:24:33.040
Okay, so another thing that we were talking about

447
00:24:33.040 --> 00:24:37.840
is some of the guardrails based on levels of relationship,

448
00:24:37.840 --> 00:24:40.640
so what we were discussing this weekend,

449
00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:42.120
what me and the coaches were discussing,

450
00:24:42.120 --> 00:24:45.480
and we kind of all had kind of the same experience,

451
00:24:45.480 --> 00:24:48.360
was just remembering like what information

452
00:24:48.360 --> 00:24:51.280
are you sharing with people at level one, two,

453
00:24:51.280 --> 00:24:54.560
and even in level three relationship?

454
00:24:54.560 --> 00:24:55.840
It's important to ask yourself,

455
00:24:55.840 --> 00:24:58.880
are you sharing too much personal info in the beginning?

456
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:07.920
that's huge, okay? And sometimes what happens is, you know, even in our, if you are online,

457
00:25:09.600 --> 00:25:17.120
you may be just, you kind of have this blanket profile, and believe it or not, sometimes we,

458
00:25:17.120 --> 00:25:23.920
without even thinking about it, we might divulge too much information there. And we might,

459
00:25:24.880 --> 00:25:30.240
for some of us, it might not be true information, but for others, it may be because of what we're

460
00:25:30.240 --> 00:25:35.600
experiencing on the app. So everybody's going to have a different experience on whatever apps.

461
00:25:35.600 --> 00:25:43.760
I always tell people, like, just because, let's see, I'm trying to think of one of the sites,

462
00:25:45.280 --> 00:25:51.360
like Bumble. Like, just because Bumble works for one of your sisters in this community,

463
00:25:51.440 --> 00:25:59.280
doesn't, and then, or I should say this, maybe because Bumble, or let's say Facebook Dating,

464
00:25:59.280 --> 00:26:04.960
or like Match or something, just because it's not working for one of your sisters in community

465
00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:09.600
doesn't mean that it can't work for you. What I've noticed is sometimes it depends on the

466
00:26:09.600 --> 00:26:17.920
demographic you're in, or the region that you're in. I was living, when I was in this community,

467
00:26:17.920 --> 00:26:25.360
I was living in Sarasota, Florida. There's not a lot of singles in their 30s and 40s.

468
00:26:25.360 --> 00:26:33.360
Like, I was in my late 30s, and there was just not a lot of singles in that area. Sarasota,

469
00:26:33.360 --> 00:26:42.320
for anybody that knows or has been there, it is more of a, I don't want to say prestigious,

470
00:26:42.320 --> 00:26:53.680
but there is just a more elite status there. The cost of living is, like, absurd, that you're not

471
00:26:53.680 --> 00:27:00.320
going to find a lot of singles and a lot of, like, 30-somethings living in that area. So,

472
00:27:00.880 --> 00:27:07.360
unfortunately, that's where I was living, and so I didn't find that I had much of a dating pool.

473
00:27:07.920 --> 00:27:17.200
And so, certain apps were not great for me. Now, if I opened up my, you know, diameter, my radius,

474
00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:24.080
then, and started dating people in Tampa, which is a more bigger city, then I got more,

475
00:27:26.560 --> 00:27:32.400
more, like, there's just more men, right? So, it helped, but then I'm like, okay,

476
00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:37.440
now I'm traveling an hour away. I'm a single mom. This is hard. I have my son 90% of the time.

477
00:27:38.000 --> 00:27:42.720
I only, he only goes to his dad one night every two weeks. It was very difficult for me.

478
00:27:43.280 --> 00:27:49.600
And so, just because one app doesn't work for you or another sister doesn't mean it can't work for

479
00:27:49.600 --> 00:27:54.720
somebody else. And then what you could be seeing is, you know, the demographic that you're in.

480
00:27:55.440 --> 00:28:03.920
So, I know, I think we recently, we recently had some, and I'm going to share this a little bit,

481
00:28:03.920 --> 00:28:07.280
because, okay, I'm going to say one more thing here before I kind of get into this topic here.

482
00:28:07.280 --> 00:28:13.440
So, our whole purpose here is to educate you ladies, but what we don't want to happen in our

483
00:28:13.440 --> 00:28:18.880
education is we don't want to elicit fear, okay? Because that is what the enemy is going to try to

484
00:28:18.880 --> 00:28:24.240
do. Like, we're here to educate you and help you with the guardrails, but we don't want you to

485
00:28:24.320 --> 00:28:33.600
take it to such a level of fear that you are, you know, like, afraid of people. And we don't want

486
00:28:33.600 --> 00:28:41.360
that. So, if you are experiencing fear, we need you to press into Holy Spirit with that. You know,

487
00:28:41.360 --> 00:28:48.640
allow God's wisdom and discernment to produce the peace, the joy, the patience. That's what

488
00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:55.680
God's Spirit is going to produce. So, if you feel like easily shaken in certain situations,

489
00:28:55.680 --> 00:29:00.240
this may be because you have some cracks in your foundation. There may be still some cracks in your

490
00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:07.600
heart. If something is shaking you, especially in this stage where you might not be dating,

491
00:29:07.600 --> 00:29:12.880
you might be just in level one or two, you might just be, you know, shaken just by getting out

492
00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:18.720
there and talking to people. Even, you know, letting people know that, hey, I'm single and

493
00:29:18.720 --> 00:29:24.720
I'm in this program. Like, if that is starting to elicit some fear, let's press into Holy Spirit

494
00:29:24.720 --> 00:29:30.240
with that. Let's dive into that. Let us coaches kind of help you process through that because I

495
00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:38.480
assure you, myself and Bethany, because me and Bethany did this program together and we've

496
00:29:38.480 --> 00:29:44.080
experienced all the things, okay? I can attest to that. I know you ladies will see like, oh,

497
00:29:44.720 --> 00:29:49.520
here's these coaches that now have gone through the program and now they have the prize, right?

498
00:29:49.520 --> 00:29:53.920
They have the husband. That doesn't mean that we did not go through a lot of this stuff. Like,

499
00:29:53.920 --> 00:29:59.840
we're here to help pour into you ladies. So, if you're finding yourself easily shaken, like,

500
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.200
Let's work with that.

501
00:30:01.200 --> 00:30:05.200
You know, God will partner with you to heal these areas,

502
00:30:05.200 --> 00:30:07.280
but taking ownership and accountability

503
00:30:07.280 --> 00:30:08.960
will be your part also.

504
00:30:08.960 --> 00:30:12.200
So solid foundations do not crumble when they're shaken.

505
00:30:12.200 --> 00:30:14.040
So you ladies deserve to work on building

506
00:30:14.040 --> 00:30:16.040
your solid foundation for your future marriage.

507
00:30:16.040 --> 00:30:18.280
So if you're finding things are shaky,

508
00:30:18.280 --> 00:30:21.680
let's dig into that, you know?

509
00:30:21.680 --> 00:30:23.120
Maybe it is.

510
00:30:23.120 --> 00:30:26.680
You know, you're feeling shaken by just the idea of dating.

511
00:30:26.680 --> 00:30:29.040
Ladies, I experienced that.

512
00:30:29.080 --> 00:30:31.240
It took me a year, all right?

513
00:30:31.240 --> 00:30:32.280
I'm here to help you.

514
00:30:32.280 --> 00:30:33.800
I'm here to work through that.

515
00:30:33.800 --> 00:30:36.320
You know, God had to work some things in me.

516
00:30:36.320 --> 00:30:38.560
So those are just all important things.

517
00:30:38.560 --> 00:30:40.640
And so now I want to get into,

518
00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:41.920
because again, I want to remind you,

519
00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:43.240
like we're not here to elicit fear,

520
00:30:43.240 --> 00:30:44.720
we're just here to educate.

521
00:30:44.720 --> 00:30:49.240
So I know, usually I talk about this a little bit

522
00:30:49.240 --> 00:30:50.640
in the online dating video,

523
00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:53.640
but I know it's kind of come up, this idea of scammers.

524
00:30:53.640 --> 00:30:55.040
And we always tell you ladies,

525
00:30:55.040 --> 00:30:57.080
that if you're going to do online,

526
00:30:57.120 --> 00:30:59.160
it's preparing your heart and your mindset

527
00:30:59.160 --> 00:31:02.960
to deal with some people that are just not healthy.

528
00:31:02.960 --> 00:31:03.800
All right?

529
00:31:03.800 --> 00:31:07.600
We live in this world, right?

530
00:31:07.600 --> 00:31:09.680
We're all live in this world,

531
00:31:09.680 --> 00:31:11.760
but we don't have to, you know,

532
00:31:11.760 --> 00:31:13.120
we don't have to carry on that.

533
00:31:13.120 --> 00:31:15.080
But we have to understand

534
00:31:15.080 --> 00:31:17.200
that we are going to come across people

535
00:31:17.200 --> 00:31:19.960
that may not be healed.

536
00:31:19.960 --> 00:31:21.200
But again, we want to make sure

537
00:31:21.200 --> 00:31:24.280
that those people are not shaking us, all right?

538
00:31:24.280 --> 00:31:25.280
And if they're shaking us,

539
00:31:25.280 --> 00:31:28.440
then we need to assess that for ourselves.

540
00:31:28.440 --> 00:31:31.480
So just be understanding

541
00:31:31.480 --> 00:31:34.320
that you are going to experience at times,

542
00:31:34.320 --> 00:31:37.320
there's possibilities that you're going to experience scammers

543
00:31:37.320 --> 00:31:38.720
and I want you ladies to remember

544
00:31:38.720 --> 00:31:41.360
that there is nothing wrong with you.

545
00:31:41.360 --> 00:31:45.320
I've experienced scammers, Bethany experienced scammers.

546
00:31:45.320 --> 00:31:48.360
We've all had our fair share of dealing with people

547
00:31:48.360 --> 00:31:49.640
that are not just scammers,

548
00:31:49.640 --> 00:31:54.200
but even people that were not in a healthy heart

549
00:31:54.200 --> 00:31:57.720
and that were also unhealthy themselves.

550
00:31:57.720 --> 00:32:02.720
And so we want to talk about like how to recognize that

551
00:32:04.400 --> 00:32:08.320
and then let's learn on how we can limit those interactions.

552
00:32:08.320 --> 00:32:12.560
And so maybe that might be assessing your profile.

553
00:32:12.560 --> 00:32:14.840
If you notice that you are getting

554
00:32:14.840 --> 00:32:16.480
a high frequency of scammers,

555
00:32:16.480 --> 00:32:17.960
then let's look at your profile.

556
00:32:17.960 --> 00:32:20.200
Maybe there's some things that are indicating in there

557
00:32:20.200 --> 00:32:24.320
where like, hey, this could be making you a target.

558
00:32:24.320 --> 00:32:27.760
So let's remove that, let's help you with that, okay?

559
00:32:29.960 --> 00:32:34.880
So a lot of times scammers will seek vulnerable people

560
00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:36.560
or people that appear to be vulnerable.

561
00:32:36.560 --> 00:32:38.000
So just because you're getting scammed

562
00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:40.000
doesn't necessarily mean you're vulnerable.

563
00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:44.080
It's that they're gonna maybe see if you are vulnerable

564
00:32:44.080 --> 00:32:46.360
and they're gonna look for pieces of that.

565
00:32:46.360 --> 00:32:49.680
So sometimes like things that we've noticed

566
00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:52.840
being in this program, having been in it ourselves

567
00:32:52.840 --> 00:32:56.360
and also coaching women through it,

568
00:32:56.360 --> 00:33:01.360
oftentimes scammers will go for some older women, okay?

569
00:33:01.880 --> 00:33:04.920
They'll go for women that appear that maybe they have money

570
00:33:06.800 --> 00:33:08.320
because they're looking to see

571
00:33:08.320 --> 00:33:09.840
if they can scam you out of some money.

572
00:33:09.840 --> 00:33:11.120
So they're gonna go for women that,

573
00:33:11.120 --> 00:33:13.880
hey, she looks like she's got money.

574
00:33:13.880 --> 00:33:15.920
And a lot of times when you're an older woman,

575
00:33:15.920 --> 00:33:18.880
you probably are more established in your career.

576
00:33:18.880 --> 00:33:23.400
So that could be why they might be targeting you, okay?

577
00:33:23.400 --> 00:33:25.520
And it's not to put you in this fear state

578
00:33:25.520 --> 00:33:27.120
that means, oh, I can't go online,

579
00:33:27.120 --> 00:33:29.480
I can't test the waters there.

580
00:33:29.480 --> 00:33:31.840
No, we're just gonna put some guardrails

581
00:33:31.840 --> 00:33:33.240
to help protect yourself.

582
00:33:34.880 --> 00:33:37.120
Sometimes they will go after women

583
00:33:37.120 --> 00:33:39.840
that they believe may be desperate.

584
00:33:39.840 --> 00:33:41.760
So they might be looking for things

585
00:33:41.760 --> 00:33:43.360
that you're saying in your profile

586
00:33:43.360 --> 00:33:47.160
or pictures that maybe show that maybe you're desperate

587
00:33:47.160 --> 00:33:50.160
to be loved or accepted or find a man,

588
00:33:51.520 --> 00:33:54.600
women who are susceptible to charm.

589
00:33:54.600 --> 00:33:58.120
So if you're chatting with a guy early on,

590
00:33:58.120 --> 00:34:01.840
he might be putting the charm on real thick.

591
00:34:01.840 --> 00:34:05.800
And what can happen is we can get sucked in real easily.

592
00:34:05.800 --> 00:34:08.080
And so if we pick that up,

593
00:34:08.080 --> 00:34:10.800
they're thinking hook, line, sinker, right?

594
00:34:10.800 --> 00:34:14.280
So, and then they might even try to use information

595
00:34:14.280 --> 00:34:16.000
that you share to make it appear

596
00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:18.520
like they have things in common with you.

597
00:34:18.520 --> 00:34:20.960
So we don't have to date out of desperation

598
00:34:20.960 --> 00:34:23.880
and we don't wanna be afraid to date people, okay?

599
00:34:23.880 --> 00:34:26.480
But these are things that are important to know

600
00:34:26.480 --> 00:34:28.040
so that we're safeguarding ourselves.

601
00:34:28.040 --> 00:34:30.080
So I say this and I'm gonna share

602
00:34:30.080 --> 00:34:31.600
just even my own experience.

603
00:34:31.600 --> 00:34:36.000
So this is not per se like a scammer that I dealt with.

604
00:34:36.000 --> 00:34:38.360
This is not a scammer situation,

605
00:34:38.360 --> 00:34:43.360
but this is where I allowed an unhealthy person

606
00:34:43.560 --> 00:34:45.920
to charm me and put me in a situation

607
00:34:46.679 --> 00:34:49.000
where I was making not so great choices.

608
00:34:49.000 --> 00:34:51.960
So I, for those of you that, you know,

609
00:34:51.960 --> 00:34:54.239
have been in the community for a little bit

610
00:34:54.239 --> 00:34:56.760
and know a little bit behind my story,

611
00:34:56.760 --> 00:34:58.120
because I've shared this before,

612
00:34:58.120 --> 00:35:00.320
and I know Jackie has even shared this.

613
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:12.000
In the past, my son's father and I were not married, so I got pregnant pretty early on.

614
00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:16.000
At that time, I was a believer.

615
00:35:16.000 --> 00:35:22.000
I had found the Lord when I was a teenager in high school.

616
00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:28.000
Then I kind of parted ways with the Lord after some feelings of betrayal with friendships

617
00:35:28.000 --> 00:35:31.000
in high school and went to college.

618
00:35:31.000 --> 00:35:35.000
I was like, God's not with me.

619
00:35:35.000 --> 00:35:40.000
These people betrayed me, and I felt like God was betraying me.

620
00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:45.000
Then I started coming back to the Lord at the end of my 20s.

621
00:35:45.000 --> 00:35:52.000
I was ready to be in a relationship with someone who was going to value a relationship with God.

622
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:58.000
Then I met my son's dad on an online dating app.

623
00:35:58.000 --> 00:36:05.000
I talked about my love for God and how important it was for me.

624
00:36:05.000 --> 00:36:18.000
He saw that, and he painted a picture with his charm and his charisma to make it sound like he had that in common with me.

625
00:36:18.000 --> 00:36:27.000
I got myself hooked very quickly and made choices to get physically intimate with him.

626
00:36:27.000 --> 00:36:33.000
Within the first sexual interactions that we had, I got pregnant.

627
00:36:33.000 --> 00:36:37.000
I didn't even know this man for a month, and I found myself pregnant.

628
00:36:37.000 --> 00:36:40.000
But I was certain this man was the man I was going to marry.

629
00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:43.000
He talked about how much he loved family.

630
00:36:43.000 --> 00:36:45.000
He wanted to have family of his own.

631
00:36:45.000 --> 00:36:47.000
He had a son already.

632
00:36:47.000 --> 00:36:50.000
He was all about being a dad.

633
00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:52.000
He quoted the scriptures.

634
00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:57.000
He invited me to church and did all those things.

635
00:36:57.000 --> 00:37:00.000
I thought, man, I landed a good one.

636
00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:05.000
I got pregnant, and this man flipped his switch so quickly.

637
00:37:05.000 --> 00:37:08.000
At that point, I was pregnant.

638
00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:10.000
What was I going to do?

639
00:37:11.000 --> 00:37:17.000
I didn't pace myself in that relationship.

640
00:37:17.000 --> 00:37:25.000
I was so focused on the charm and the insecurity of feeling like I needed to have someone.

641
00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:30.000
Remember, ladies, when I joined this program, my son was four or five years old.

642
00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:33.000
I still had to work on my identity.

643
00:37:34.000 --> 00:37:39.000
It's important that we're coming in this community.

644
00:37:39.000 --> 00:37:41.000
We're talking about these things.

645
00:37:41.000 --> 00:37:46.000
We're allowing God to highlight areas in our life that we need to grow in.

646
00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:53.000
We're not just focused on dating, but we're focused in general of what can we do to grow into a healthier self.

647
00:37:53.000 --> 00:37:58.000
We don't find ourselves in these situations when we are dealing with some men.

648
00:37:58.000 --> 00:38:01.000
There are people out there that are not going to be healthy.

649
00:38:01.000 --> 00:38:05.000
They're not going to have mentors and coaches like you all have here.

650
00:38:05.000 --> 00:38:10.000
It's just important to make sure what kind of information are you sharing with people?

651
00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:19.000
Are you paying attention to building relationships with people and getting to know people at a healthy pacing?

652
00:38:19.000 --> 00:38:27.000
Then, if something happens, is it going to shake you to the point that the discouragement comes in,

653
00:38:27.000 --> 00:38:30.000
and you're losing hope, and you're getting frustrated?

654
00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:34.000
We've got to look into that.

655
00:38:34.000 --> 00:38:40.000
Other ways that I want to talk to you ladies about is being fruit inspectors.

656
00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:46.000
What's important to remember here is this is going to take time.

657
00:38:46.000 --> 00:38:53.000
You can't just go on one or two dates and expect to know everything that you need to know about a person

658
00:38:54.000 --> 00:39:02.000
or have enough time to feel like you've been able to inspect whether or not this person has fruit in their life.

659
00:39:02.000 --> 00:39:06.000
It takes some time of getting to know them.

660
00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:11.000
Someone may share they love the Lord, and they might send the scriptures,

661
00:39:11.000 --> 00:39:17.000
but the fruit of a relationship with Christ is maybe not present over time.

662
00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:30.000
It's allowing yourself to have a healthy balance of really getting to know someone and waiting to see what fruit surfaces.

663
00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:34.000
Again, that's what I experienced with my son's dad.

664
00:39:34.000 --> 00:39:40.000
Had I maybe spent several months getting to know him,

665
00:39:41.000 --> 00:39:50.000
I might have started seeing how what he was sharing about his relationship with Christ wasn't measuring up in his day-to-day life.

666
00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:55.000
Again, it's take time to get to know someone.

667
00:39:55.000 --> 00:39:58.000
We're not diving in and talking to someone every day.

668
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.080
you know, texting all the time, messaging all the time,

669
00:40:04.080 --> 00:40:06.160
we're pacing ourselves.

670
00:40:06.160 --> 00:40:09.680
So I hope this gives y'all some background

671
00:40:09.680 --> 00:40:14.480
of like practical tools of, you know,

672
00:40:14.480 --> 00:40:15.680
things that you can work on.

673
00:40:15.680 --> 00:40:17.560
And again, these are things you can work on

674
00:40:17.560 --> 00:40:19.520
even if you're not dating.

675
00:40:19.520 --> 00:40:22.120
Like you can be checking your spirit and your heart,

676
00:40:22.120 --> 00:40:24.960
like, okay, what makes me nervous about this?

677
00:40:24.960 --> 00:40:27.880
What, you know, I mean,

678
00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:33.160
yeah, I kind of just lost my train of thought there,

679
00:40:33.160 --> 00:40:36.120
but I don't know.

680
00:40:36.120 --> 00:40:38.680
I would love to hear some feedback from you ladies.

681
00:40:38.680 --> 00:40:41.120
I know there's like five of us on, I'm not sure.

682
00:40:41.120 --> 00:40:44.520
I know Bethany was planning to be here.

683
00:40:44.520 --> 00:40:46.360
She might've gotten held up.

684
00:40:47.600 --> 00:40:50.240
I'll check in with her in a moment

685
00:40:50.240 --> 00:40:53.480
because she's got some really great feedback as well.

686
00:40:53.480 --> 00:40:57.320
We both kind of were sharing this weekend with each other,

687
00:40:57.360 --> 00:40:59.240
just going back and forth and, you know,

688
00:40:59.240 --> 00:41:01.400
reminiscing, if you will,

689
00:41:01.400 --> 00:41:04.240
some of our experiences when she and I were single

690
00:41:04.240 --> 00:41:05.720
and in this community

691
00:41:05.720 --> 00:41:09.320
and some of the experiences that we had faced.

692
00:41:09.320 --> 00:41:12.040
So, you know, one thing that I remember

693
00:41:12.040 --> 00:41:13.440
she and I talking about this weekend,

694
00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:16.240
so if she comes on, she'll share it with you as well,

695
00:41:16.240 --> 00:41:20.760
how for her, sharing her love of the Lord

696
00:41:20.760 --> 00:41:23.440
was important because she's in ministry.

697
00:41:23.440 --> 00:41:26.560
So it was really important that she shared that

698
00:41:26.560 --> 00:41:28.800
because it is a very big part of her life

699
00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:30.360
and it's her walk.

700
00:41:30.360 --> 00:41:35.360
Like ministering is her destiny DNA.

701
00:41:35.600 --> 00:41:39.840
And so she needed to know that someone was aware of that.

702
00:41:39.840 --> 00:41:44.840
And here's the thing, she attracted men of faith.

703
00:41:45.360 --> 00:41:48.440
She attracted men that said they had faith

704
00:41:48.440 --> 00:41:50.040
and they really didn't.

705
00:41:50.040 --> 00:41:53.640
She attracted men that didn't have a relationship with God.

706
00:41:53.640 --> 00:41:55.120
And some of those men were good.

707
00:41:55.120 --> 00:41:57.440
Here she actually is, this is good.

708
00:41:57.440 --> 00:41:59.840
She must've known I was sharing a bit.

709
00:41:59.840 --> 00:42:03.000
Hey, Bethany, I was just talking to the ladies

710
00:42:03.000 --> 00:42:08.000
about your experience with sharing on your profile

711
00:42:09.920 --> 00:42:14.200
that you loved Jesus and why you needed to share that

712
00:42:14.200 --> 00:42:18.600
is because your destiny DNA and your purpose is ministering.

713
00:42:18.600 --> 00:42:23.200
And so how that attracted men of faith,

714
00:42:23.240 --> 00:42:25.320
men that said they had faith that maybe didn't

715
00:42:25.320 --> 00:42:26.560
and then men that didn't have faith

716
00:42:26.560 --> 00:42:27.880
but were still good guys.

717
00:42:29.080 --> 00:42:30.320
Yes, a hundred percent.

718
00:42:30.320 --> 00:42:32.080
Tell me, do you want me to run with something

719
00:42:32.080 --> 00:42:34.160
or you wanna take a few minutes to finish

720
00:42:34.160 --> 00:42:35.680
what you were sharing?

721
00:42:35.680 --> 00:42:38.680
A lot of what we talked about, I kind of shared with them.

722
00:42:39.560 --> 00:42:42.360
We talked about the scammers and stuff like that,

723
00:42:42.360 --> 00:42:45.320
kind of what they look for, how, you know,

724
00:42:45.320 --> 00:42:46.760
and even not just the scammers,

725
00:42:46.760 --> 00:42:51.760
but people that will maybe take information that you share

726
00:42:52.000 --> 00:42:53.800
and use it to charm you.

727
00:42:53.800 --> 00:42:57.160
And I, you know, you know, my situation with Bo's dad,

728
00:42:58.080 --> 00:42:59.920
walked through a lot of that with me.

729
00:42:59.920 --> 00:43:03.080
And so I shared that with the women of how, you know,

730
00:43:03.080 --> 00:43:08.080
here was a man that, you know, loved the Lord, went to church,

731
00:43:09.040 --> 00:43:11.080
tell me all the scripture.

732
00:43:11.080 --> 00:43:14.960
And I found myself in, you know, sexual intercourse

733
00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:16.360
very quickly and pregnant.

734
00:43:16.360 --> 00:43:18.560
And then as soon as that happened,

735
00:43:18.600 --> 00:43:21.840
I started seeing that that fruit was not there.

736
00:43:21.840 --> 00:43:22.680
Right.

737
00:43:22.680 --> 00:43:25.160
So we talked about that, talking about guardrails,

738
00:43:25.160 --> 00:43:26.600
you know, what we share, what we don't,

739
00:43:26.600 --> 00:43:29.880
and also being able to, even when we're not dating,

740
00:43:29.880 --> 00:43:33.000
how God can allow us to grow in this season.

741
00:43:33.000 --> 00:43:36.840
And I shared with them how I didn't date for that first year

742
00:43:37.880 --> 00:43:41.160
and I don't think you dated either for a while.

743
00:43:41.160 --> 00:43:42.880
I didn't, but I think here's the thing

744
00:43:42.880 --> 00:43:44.160
I wanna make sure people understand.

745
00:43:44.160 --> 00:43:47.440
I don't want, and I'm sure Carla communicated this amazing.

746
00:43:47.480 --> 00:43:48.840
Hi, by the way.

747
00:43:48.840 --> 00:43:50.680
So good to see some of your faces again

748
00:43:50.680 --> 00:43:52.200
that I haven't seen for a little bit

749
00:43:52.200 --> 00:43:53.920
since you've been in phase one.

750
00:43:53.920 --> 00:43:54.760
Hi.

751
00:43:56.080 --> 00:43:59.320
I wanna make sure you all always lean towards positive.

752
00:43:59.320 --> 00:44:00.360
Okay.

753
00:44:00.360 --> 00:44:02.160
So no matter what you experience,

754
00:44:02.160 --> 00:44:04.720
one of the things, the reason I asked Carla,

755
00:44:04.720 --> 00:44:06.880
kind of said, hey, I wanna jump on

756
00:44:06.880 --> 00:44:10.480
is because in any situation we face, ladies,

757
00:44:10.480 --> 00:44:11.640
I feel the Holy Spirit on this.

758
00:44:11.640 --> 00:44:14.040
Even in some things I was coaching people on,

759
00:44:14.040 --> 00:44:15.440
which is why I'm late today.

760
00:44:16.440 --> 00:44:18.480
You know, we're always gonna be presented

761
00:44:18.480 --> 00:44:21.760
with an opportunity to choose positive thinking

762
00:44:21.760 --> 00:44:23.960
or choose negative thinking.

763
00:44:23.960 --> 00:44:27.560
The enemy will try to always hit at our weakest point.

764
00:44:27.560 --> 00:44:30.200
Okay, so what I mean by that is

765
00:44:30.200 --> 00:44:35.200
when we per se encounter scammers, okay,

766
00:44:35.960 --> 00:44:38.360
when we are looking at what's wrong,

767
00:44:38.360 --> 00:44:43.120
when our go-to internally is what is wrong with me,

768
00:44:43.320 --> 00:44:46.320
that is a signal that we need more healing

769
00:44:46.320 --> 00:44:48.280
in our identity, okay?

770
00:44:48.280 --> 00:44:51.400
Because the reality is, is we all attract scammers,

771
00:44:51.400 --> 00:44:54.200
you all, even in the church where Brian and I are leading,

772
00:44:54.200 --> 00:44:56.080
we just did this big post.

773
00:44:56.080 --> 00:44:57.440
And I think this is super relevant

774
00:44:57.440 --> 00:44:59.880
even to you all interacting in person.

775
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.600
for online dating in our single cities.

776
00:45:04.300 --> 00:45:06.000
We just did this big advertisement

777
00:45:06.000 --> 00:45:07.700
because we were doing a fall festival.

778
00:45:07.700 --> 00:45:10.300
Y'all, unfortunately, that attracted scammers

779
00:45:10.300 --> 00:45:14.100
and it attracted people, you know, that yeah, it's annoying,

780
00:45:14.100 --> 00:45:16.600
but that doesn't mean the identity of the church,

781
00:45:16.600 --> 00:45:18.800
there's something wrong with it, okay?

782
00:45:18.800 --> 00:45:20.600
So I wanna make sure you all separate

783
00:45:20.600 --> 00:45:24.300
as you're navigating in your dating and practicing dating,

784
00:45:24.300 --> 00:45:26.700
I really want you all to think of it like that.

785
00:45:26.700 --> 00:45:28.400
You're practicing dating.

786
00:45:28.500 --> 00:45:31.400
It's awesome if you guys find your spirit mate right now,

787
00:45:31.400 --> 00:45:33.500
but even the encounters that you're having,

788
00:45:33.500 --> 00:45:37.800
it's hopefully gonna help you refine who you are to grow

789
00:45:37.800 --> 00:45:40.500
and really see, okay, God,

790
00:45:40.500 --> 00:45:42.000
what do you want me to learn from this?

791
00:45:42.000 --> 00:45:44.700
So I wanna encourage you to not shift

792
00:45:44.700 --> 00:45:46.700
towards the negative, okay?

793
00:45:46.700 --> 00:45:49.400
So that it means there's something wrong with you.

794
00:45:49.400 --> 00:45:52.200
I'm gonna give you a couple other examples.

795
00:45:52.200 --> 00:45:55.400
When I was in my online dating journey,

796
00:45:55.400 --> 00:45:57.000
well, even let me back up before that,

797
00:45:57.100 --> 00:45:58.900
you guys that went through heart work,

798
00:45:58.900 --> 00:46:02.300
I've referenced my spiritual daughter's dad a couple times.

799
00:46:02.300 --> 00:46:06.700
Y'all, I met him in online dating years ago,

800
00:46:06.700 --> 00:46:10.100
and I swore that I would never do online dating again

801
00:46:10.100 --> 00:46:12.800
because of the experience I had with him.

802
00:46:12.800 --> 00:46:15.700
I unfortunately was not mature enough.

803
00:46:15.700 --> 00:46:17.500
I didn't have a program like this.

804
00:46:17.500 --> 00:46:20.500
And in our first conversation on the phone,

805
00:46:20.500 --> 00:46:21.600
I met him in online dating.

806
00:46:21.600 --> 00:46:25.100
He, you know, we got on a phone call, cool.

807
00:46:25.100 --> 00:46:28.600
I overshared like you wouldn't believe

808
00:46:28.600 --> 00:46:30.600
because I didn't know, I didn't know.

809
00:46:30.600 --> 00:46:32.300
And he was asking me questions

810
00:46:32.300 --> 00:46:35.400
and I was just answering everything he asked me.

811
00:46:35.400 --> 00:46:38.800
Well, guess what you all, I gave him everything he needed

812
00:46:38.800 --> 00:46:41.300
to love bomb me and draw me right in.

813
00:46:42.900 --> 00:46:45.300
I'm not telling you that so that you're scared.

814
00:46:45.300 --> 00:46:47.200
I want you just to understand

815
00:46:47.200 --> 00:46:49.800
that just because someone asks you something

816
00:46:49.800 --> 00:46:53.400
does not mean you need to tell them the answer, okay?

817
00:46:53.500 --> 00:46:55.600
That doesn't mean we become frigid or any of that,

818
00:46:55.600 --> 00:46:57.500
but the levels of relationship

819
00:46:57.500 --> 00:46:59.500
that you guys are being coached on,

820
00:46:59.500 --> 00:47:02.400
they're there as guardrails to help you.

821
00:47:02.400 --> 00:47:03.600
Because if you're like me,

822
00:47:03.600 --> 00:47:05.400
and some of you are not like me at all,

823
00:47:05.400 --> 00:47:08.200
but if you are in any degree like me

824
00:47:08.200 --> 00:47:11.500
and you feel like just because someone asked you a question

825
00:47:11.500 --> 00:47:13.000
that you need to give them the answer

826
00:47:13.000 --> 00:47:16.900
to what they're asking and maybe even, and then some.

827
00:47:18.000 --> 00:47:20.900
I wanna encourage you to really, really honor

828
00:47:20.900 --> 00:47:23.500
and do your best to learn those levels

829
00:47:23.500 --> 00:47:26.200
of relationship and engagement, if you will.

830
00:47:26.200 --> 00:47:28.100
Not engagement as in you're getting engaged,

831
00:47:28.100 --> 00:47:29.700
but how you're interacting

832
00:47:29.700 --> 00:47:31.900
with the things people are asking you.

833
00:47:31.900 --> 00:47:34.800
In level one, y'all are keeping it light.

834
00:47:34.800 --> 00:47:36.100
You're keeping it low stakes.

835
00:47:36.100 --> 00:47:37.700
So you're not going all in.

836
00:47:37.700 --> 00:47:40.000
You're not, if they ask you,

837
00:47:40.900 --> 00:47:42.600
well, why have you been single this long?

838
00:47:42.600 --> 00:47:44.500
Or why aren't you married?

839
00:47:44.500 --> 00:47:46.800
Y'all don't have to answer that.

840
00:47:46.800 --> 00:47:49.700
You can say, hey, I'm really enjoying getting to know you,

841
00:47:49.700 --> 00:47:51.500
but I'm gonna wait to answer that

842
00:47:51.500 --> 00:47:54.100
and until we are getting to know each other

843
00:47:54.100 --> 00:47:56.600
on a different level or however you word it,

844
00:47:56.600 --> 00:47:59.600
but don't feel like just because someone's asked you that,

845
00:47:59.600 --> 00:48:00.800
you have to answer.

846
00:48:00.800 --> 00:48:02.300
You're gonna have guys that are gonna,

847
00:48:02.300 --> 00:48:03.900
like I had one guy and this is the guy

848
00:48:03.900 --> 00:48:05.800
I wanna give you the other example of.

849
00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:09.600
This guy was really nice.

850
00:48:09.600 --> 00:48:12.300
I do believe he is and was a Christian,

851
00:48:13.300 --> 00:48:18.100
but in our texting exchanges, this one texting exchange,

852
00:48:18.100 --> 00:48:20.100
we were talking about something totally different

853
00:48:20.100 --> 00:48:21.900
and his question to me was,

854
00:48:22.800 --> 00:48:25.200
what kind of pajamas do you like to wear to bed?

855
00:48:26.900 --> 00:48:30.700
Y'all haven't even been on a date with this guy

856
00:48:30.700 --> 00:48:33.000
and he's wanting to know what kind of pajamas I'm wearing.

857
00:48:33.000 --> 00:48:35.900
Why do you think he wants to know that?

858
00:48:35.900 --> 00:48:36.900
Well, he wants to know that

859
00:48:36.900 --> 00:48:38.900
because he's got sex on his brain.

860
00:48:38.900 --> 00:48:41.300
All right, now the old me,

861
00:48:42.200 --> 00:48:44.100
I may not have answered him,

862
00:48:44.100 --> 00:48:47.100
but I probably would have gotten drawn into that.

863
00:48:47.200 --> 00:48:49.700
But in the new me in that season, I was like,

864
00:48:49.700 --> 00:48:52.700
hey, I'm not gonna talk to you

865
00:48:52.700 --> 00:48:54.900
about any of that kind of stuff.

866
00:48:54.900 --> 00:48:57.700
If you wanna talk to me about like other things or whatever

867
00:48:57.700 --> 00:48:59.600
and so I would shift the conversation.

868
00:49:00.600 --> 00:49:02.800
What ended up happening is this,

869
00:49:02.800 --> 00:49:04.800
because when we do that,

870
00:49:04.800 --> 00:49:08.800
we're giving them an opportunity to honor our boundaries

871
00:49:08.800 --> 00:49:10.400
and to be teachable.

872
00:49:10.400 --> 00:49:12.300
Okay, not that it's our job to teach them,

873
00:49:12.300 --> 00:49:14.800
but what I'm saying is we're gonna find out,

874
00:49:14.800 --> 00:49:16.800
is this guy willing to honor me?

875
00:49:17.800 --> 00:49:20.300
Honor my boundary that I'm setting?

876
00:49:20.300 --> 00:49:23.500
If he does, green lights, that becomes a green light

877
00:49:23.500 --> 00:49:24.700
because when he asked me that,

878
00:49:24.700 --> 00:49:28.100
that became a yellow flag for me, okay?

879
00:49:28.100 --> 00:49:29.400
It wasn't all the way red

880
00:49:29.400 --> 00:49:33.100
even though it was kind of towards red for me.

881
00:49:33.100 --> 00:49:35.600
It gave me an opportunity to set a boundary.

882
00:49:35.600 --> 00:49:37.800
If he had honored that,

883
00:49:37.800 --> 00:49:40.100
again, that would have turned green for me

884
00:49:40.100 --> 00:49:41.400
if he continued to honor it,

885
00:49:41.400 --> 00:49:43.800
not just temporarily in the moment.

886
00:49:43.800 --> 00:49:45.600
So the reason I'm bringing him up

887
00:49:45.600 --> 00:49:49.600
is on my first in-person date with him,

888
00:49:49.600 --> 00:49:53.000
the first night we're together, he wants to hold my hand.

889
00:49:53.000 --> 00:49:55.500
I'm like, you know, I'm not comfortable with that.

890
00:49:55.500 --> 00:49:56.500
And there are some people

891
00:49:56.500 --> 00:49:59.900
that would be totally fine with that, but I wasn't.

892
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.480
And so I just said, Hey, no, I'm not comfortable.

893
00:50:02.480 --> 00:50:04.440
I don't, I don't want to move to that point.

894
00:50:04.440 --> 00:50:05.960
Cause I don't know you well enough.

895
00:50:06.520 --> 00:50:10.520
Um, and then there were other little exchanges like in between the

896
00:50:10.520 --> 00:50:12.000
first date and the second date.

897
00:50:12.080 --> 00:50:16.160
And not that this, like, again, this sounds very good, you all, but

898
00:50:16.160 --> 00:50:18.000
he sent me this video of him.

899
00:50:18.040 --> 00:50:22.680
Lee, like he's a worship leader and he sent me a song that he

900
00:50:22.680 --> 00:50:25.040
was singing, like, you know, at home.

901
00:50:26.040 --> 00:50:30.520
And in the old days I would have been like, Oh, that's so awesome.

902
00:50:30.800 --> 00:50:33.160
He's sending me this worship song.

903
00:50:33.600 --> 00:50:38.040
Y'all know, I'm like, I am not at this level with this guy.

904
00:50:39.200 --> 00:50:40.360
That's not where we're at.

905
00:50:41.080 --> 00:50:45.720
And I felt like he was trying to bait me kind of like how I felt before.

906
00:50:45.720 --> 00:50:48.400
Now, if for what, whether or not that was true, I really

907
00:50:48.400 --> 00:50:49.600
don't know the intention.

908
00:50:49.600 --> 00:50:52.760
I just know how I felt in that experience.

909
00:50:53.680 --> 00:50:57.280
And I didn't feel like our, our relationship, if you will, was at the

910
00:50:57.280 --> 00:51:03.080
point of sending each other videos like that, I wanted to get to know him as a

911
00:51:03.080 --> 00:51:07.200
person, so I didn't engage much with him.

912
00:51:07.280 --> 00:51:08.480
I think I said, Oh, cool.

913
00:51:08.640 --> 00:51:09.680
Or something like that.

914
00:51:09.800 --> 00:51:12.360
I did not like, Oh my God, that's so amazing.

915
00:51:13.240 --> 00:51:17.120
We go on our next date and it was an okay date.

916
00:51:17.200 --> 00:51:22.480
Um, when I didn't eat all my food, he asked me, are you not going to eat

917
00:51:22.920 --> 00:51:23.480
all that?

918
00:51:23.560 --> 00:51:26.160
And I said, no, I'm not.

919
00:51:26.240 --> 00:51:26.840
I'm full.

920
00:51:27.880 --> 00:51:31.480
In the old days, I would have felt so insecure and shameful.

921
00:51:31.480 --> 00:51:33.840
Like I had to eat that to make somebody happy.

922
00:51:34.720 --> 00:51:36.520
The new me, and I wasn't a jerk about it.

923
00:51:36.520 --> 00:51:38.960
I was just like, no, like I'm good.

924
00:51:39.600 --> 00:51:41.120
If you want to eat it, you can eat it.

925
00:51:41.920 --> 00:51:42.320
Sure enough.

926
00:51:42.320 --> 00:51:43.720
He did now that's fine.

927
00:51:44.400 --> 00:51:46.760
But I think that was more about the money for him.

928
00:51:47.480 --> 00:51:47.880
Okay.

929
00:51:48.120 --> 00:51:51.040
That was another, again, not a red flag, but just, okay, I'm

930
00:51:51.040 --> 00:51:52.480
going to pay attention to this.

931
00:51:52.520 --> 00:51:54.200
This is the thing here with this guy.

932
00:51:55.680 --> 00:51:57.960
And then we go on to this other part.

933
00:51:57.960 --> 00:51:59.080
It was still on the second date.

934
00:51:59.080 --> 00:52:00.360
We went over and we're hanging out.

935
00:52:00.720 --> 00:52:03.880
We were just walking around at this outdoor, like shopping mall area.

936
00:52:04.440 --> 00:52:07.960
And, and then we were sitting chat and he wanted to hold my hand again.

937
00:52:08.000 --> 00:52:09.800
I was like, no, I'm not there.

938
00:52:10.120 --> 00:52:10.440
Whatever.

939
00:52:10.440 --> 00:52:15.240
So we go and we're chatting in the car and, um, and I'm going to share this

940
00:52:15.240 --> 00:52:17.720
because I love the conversation games.

941
00:52:17.760 --> 00:52:20.120
You all, I think they're great conversation cards.

942
00:52:20.400 --> 00:52:23.200
You know, there's apps that have conversations and I think

943
00:52:23.200 --> 00:52:24.200
those are super helpful.

944
00:52:24.720 --> 00:52:30.160
Um, this guy, we started out normal, like light, but guess what kind of

945
00:52:30.160 --> 00:52:31.560
questions he kept trying to sneak in?

946
00:52:32.080 --> 00:52:37.080
Y'all want to guess sexy ones, sex, baby.

947
00:52:37.080 --> 00:52:38.960
That's what he's thinking about, you know?

948
00:52:39.080 --> 00:52:43.840
So he's wanting to know sex stuff that I'm into or not into.

949
00:52:43.840 --> 00:52:49.440
And I said, Hey, yeah, you know, before, when I mentioned, and this

950
00:52:49.440 --> 00:52:52.760
is literally, and I'm a nice person, y'all, but I literally said, you know,

951
00:52:52.760 --> 00:52:56.560
before, when I said, I don't, I'm not going to have these conversations with

952
00:52:56.560 --> 00:53:01.240
you at this stage in, in us getting to know each other, I really meant that.

953
00:53:02.280 --> 00:53:06.160
So we can talk about any other stuff, but we're just not going to talk about this.

954
00:53:06.800 --> 00:53:08.320
Not at this point in the relationship.

955
00:53:08.800 --> 00:53:12.040
And so, you know, he kind of, Oh, Oh, you know, but then

956
00:53:12.040 --> 00:53:13.880
you'll, he tried to do it again.

957
00:53:14.400 --> 00:53:17.000
So right there, I'm like, this guy's all red flags for me.

958
00:53:17.520 --> 00:53:19.200
He's red flags all over the place.

959
00:53:19.800 --> 00:53:24.240
And so, um, after that date, you know, it ended fine.

960
00:53:24.240 --> 00:53:26.520
I was nice and whatever went my way.

961
00:53:27.000 --> 00:53:31.920
Um, but then I got pastor Brian in the mix and things with him are just great.

962
00:53:31.920 --> 00:53:33.520
He never brings that stuff up.

963
00:53:33.520 --> 00:53:34.440
It's all awesome.

964
00:53:34.640 --> 00:53:36.600
So I have this other person to compare it to.

965
00:53:36.600 --> 00:53:37.000
Right.

966
00:53:38.280 --> 00:53:41.920
So I ended things with that guy and I just decided not to move forward with him.

967
00:53:42.200 --> 00:53:46.720
Um, and so I use that as an example again, because he was asking me things.

968
00:53:47.400 --> 00:53:51.000
That were beyond the boundary that I had already set and I wasn't

969
00:53:51.000 --> 00:53:58.080
comfortable engaging in, but I had to use my voice and say so and, and more than once.

970
00:53:58.360 --> 00:54:02.680
And so I want you all to know that it's okay for you to do the same and you do

971
00:54:02.680 --> 00:54:06.720
it with kindness to the best of your ability, I will tell you that there was

972
00:54:06.720 --> 00:54:10.440
a different guy that I was really kind to, and I set a boundary with him.

973
00:54:10.440 --> 00:54:13.120
I didn't feel like I was supposed to move forward with him.

974
00:54:13.640 --> 00:54:17.120
He reacted and it wasn't, it wasn't super nice.

975
00:54:17.120 --> 00:54:22.320
And I was like, Hey, look, I'm, I'm trying to be nice and just be forthcoming

976
00:54:22.320 --> 00:54:28.240
and honest, like, you know, I don't feel like this response was needed or whatever.

977
00:54:28.480 --> 00:54:33.560
And he did calm down some, but like some people aren't gonna respond.

978
00:54:33.600 --> 00:54:36.520
They're going to react, but don't feel like you have to engage with that.

979
00:54:37.320 --> 00:54:37.680
Okay.

980
00:54:37.680 --> 00:54:41.160
If you've already blessed them and you're like, okay, bless you, you

981
00:54:41.160 --> 00:54:42.360
know, and you're ready to move on.

982
00:54:42.360 --> 00:54:45.360
If they try to fight with you and engage, you don't feel like

983
00:54:45.360 --> 00:54:47.480
you have to even engage with that.

984
00:54:48.840 --> 00:54:53.080
You have complete permission to just bless and block and move on.

985
00:54:53.480 --> 00:54:53.920
Okay.

986
00:54:54.280 --> 00:54:56.880
So use your voice, understand that.

987
00:54:57.840 --> 00:55:00.000
Uh, sometimes the enemy will try to draw.

988
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.600
Are you in through again, that guy that was a worship leader in the past?

989
00:55:03.600 --> 00:55:05.880
I would have thought that was so amazing.

990
00:55:06.600 --> 00:55:11.160
And I think again, if the, if I had been further along in my relationship with

991
00:55:11.160 --> 00:55:16.520
him, I think it would have been received differently, but I hadn't, like I had

992
00:55:16.520 --> 00:55:19.880
one date with him as it, I hardly knew him.

993
00:55:20.680 --> 00:55:24.240
Um, and so looking at the levels of relationship and looking through the

994
00:55:24.240 --> 00:55:28.160
lens of the level of relationship you're in with people, that's how you want

995
00:55:28.160 --> 00:55:29.720
to interpret what they're doing.

996
00:55:29.840 --> 00:55:30.280
Okay.

997
00:55:30.680 --> 00:55:34.520
So being fruit inspectors, isn't just like a one-time thing.

998
00:55:34.520 --> 00:55:38.040
You're like kind of looking at it as you go and not through lenses

999
00:55:38.040 --> 00:55:41.440
of criticism or judgmentalism.

1000
00:55:41.680 --> 00:55:45.560
Like I didn't, I don't even now, like I don't judge that guy.

1001
00:55:46.600 --> 00:55:50.520
That's where he's at, but I can know that that's not for me.

1002
00:55:51.960 --> 00:55:56.640
So I did feel led on mine as, as Carla was sharing on my profile.

1003
00:55:57.040 --> 00:55:58.960
I've always known I'm called to ministry.

1004
00:55:59.000 --> 00:56:04.600
Um, because I attracted that guy, the girl's dad that said he was a Christian,

1005
00:56:04.600 --> 00:56:06.160
but then didn't live like one.

1006
00:56:06.560 --> 00:56:12.360
Um, I knew out of the gate, I wanted to have conversations as quickly as

1007
00:56:12.360 --> 00:56:17.800
possible, um, with people about their heart for the Lord and that, you know,

1008
00:56:18.320 --> 00:56:22.280
I don't even know that I, we had the whole levels of relationship in place

1009
00:56:22.280 --> 00:56:24.080
fully when we were going through it.

1010
00:56:24.560 --> 00:56:27.520
Um, we've developed that a lot more since, since then.

1011
00:56:27.880 --> 00:56:32.560
Um, so I do think there were conversations I had kind of before the,

1012
00:56:32.840 --> 00:56:38.840
you know, before the time, but I definitely knew I wanted someone that

1013
00:56:38.920 --> 00:56:44.360
when I looked over, they were running at the same pace after the Lord as I was.

1014
00:56:44.640 --> 00:56:46.040
And that's what I was looking for.

1015
00:56:46.520 --> 00:56:50.640
And not just with their words, but with their actions and their life.

1016
00:56:51.160 --> 00:56:56.960
One of the big things I looked for you all was how did they treat other people?

1017
00:56:57.600 --> 00:57:00.760
So the same guy that asked me, aren't you going to finish your food?

1018
00:57:00.760 --> 00:57:04.720
And not that it was bad that he asked me that you all, but I kind of just got

1019
00:57:04.720 --> 00:57:06.600
a negative vibe from it in my spirit.

1020
00:57:07.360 --> 00:57:09.520
But he was a little short with our server as well.

1021
00:57:09.720 --> 00:57:11.840
So that kind of stuff stands out to me.

1022
00:57:12.880 --> 00:57:16.960
Brian, on the other hand, was just everywhere we went.

1023
00:57:16.960 --> 00:57:22.640
He was like generous to people and kind and like it just so many things.

1024
00:57:22.720 --> 00:57:28.720
So I was paying attention to their character, their character mattered.

1025
00:57:29.200 --> 00:57:31.720
And it does matter for all of you as well, because we want you

1026
00:57:31.720 --> 00:57:33.240
to find healthy spirit mates.

1027
00:57:33.240 --> 00:57:35.280
We believe that's what God has for you.

1028
00:57:35.760 --> 00:57:38.560
You don't have to settle for less than, than God's best.

1029
00:57:38.920 --> 00:57:43.160
We don't want you to get into this phase two or even go into phase three and

1030
00:57:43.160 --> 00:57:45.160
shift into scarcity mentalities.

1031
00:57:46.080 --> 00:57:46.880
Because guess what?

1032
00:57:46.880 --> 00:57:50.600
I know sometimes it might not seem like in the enemy wants you to believe there

1033
00:57:50.600 --> 00:57:54.520
are not enough great men that love the Lord and walk in the fruits of the

1034
00:57:54.520 --> 00:57:56.680
spirit, but the devil is a liar.

1035
00:57:58.400 --> 00:58:00.080
And so you have to partner.

1036
00:58:00.160 --> 00:58:04.240
This is where you guys get to choose to partner with the truth and

1037
00:58:04.240 --> 00:58:06.200
the power of what's really true.

1038
00:58:06.200 --> 00:58:09.120
God is raising up men left and right.

1039
00:58:09.120 --> 00:58:13.280
You all it's, it's stuff he's saying in my spirit, I'm seeing it happen,

1040
00:58:13.560 --> 00:58:16.640
you know, and we're going to see it in all different kinds of ways.

1041
00:58:17.280 --> 00:58:19.800
Jackie said something really important recently.

1042
00:58:20.720 --> 00:58:24.200
We started this program focused on women initially, because a lot of people

1043
00:58:24.200 --> 00:58:25.080
are like, where are the men?

1044
00:58:25.080 --> 00:58:25.800
Where are the men?

1045
00:58:26.440 --> 00:58:30.960
Well, we were working on the women's side of things way more in the

1046
00:58:30.960 --> 00:58:32.400
beginning than we were with the men.

1047
00:58:32.400 --> 00:58:34.640
The men thing just started happening organically.

1048
00:58:34.640 --> 00:58:37.720
We didn't even put a lot of time and effort into that.

1049
00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:40.160
Now we are putting more time and effort.

1050
00:58:40.640 --> 00:58:42.040
And God is sending people.

1051
00:58:42.320 --> 00:58:46.200
I feel like literally I see emails daily right now coming into our

1052
00:58:46.200 --> 00:58:48.680
community from men wanting to join.

1053
00:58:48.680 --> 00:58:50.480
It's a good thing, but.

1054
00:58:51.360 --> 00:58:55.760
We want you to be open to meeting your spirit mate, however, God

1055
00:58:55.760 --> 00:58:57.200
wants to bring them into your life.

1056
00:58:57.800 --> 00:59:00.400
I wanted to meet my spirit mate in this community too.

1057
00:59:01.160 --> 00:59:02.680
I'm being a hundred percent honest.

1058
00:59:02.880 --> 00:59:03.360
I did.

1059
00:59:04.120 --> 00:59:05.960
I didn't want to go out anywhere.

1060
00:59:06.120 --> 00:59:08.280
I wanted actually God to send the guy to my door.

1061
00:59:09.320 --> 00:59:10.440
That's really what I wanted.

1062
00:59:11.120 --> 00:59:14.680
But, uh, but I really deep down, I wanted to meet someone in this

1063
00:59:14.680 --> 00:59:17.600
community and there were, there were really great guys in this community,

1064
00:59:17.640 --> 00:59:20.320
but my spirit mate was not here.

1065
00:59:21.000 --> 00:59:25.360
And so I opened my heart to wherever God wanted to bring them from.

1066
00:59:26.080 --> 00:59:28.520
And I said, I would never move back North.

1067
00:59:28.600 --> 00:59:31.920
I said, I was never going to move in general away from my girls, my

1068
00:59:31.920 --> 00:59:34.920
spiritual daughters, but God had other plans.

1069
00:59:35.320 --> 00:59:40.560
And so opening myself up to what he had in store was a huge part

1070
00:59:40.920 --> 00:59:43.320
of why I now have Brian in my life.

1071
00:59:44.160 --> 00:59:47.640
And so there's a lot of good, and I want to, I kind of want to land there and

1072
00:59:47.640 --> 00:59:51.000
then I'll kind of turn it back to Carla and, or you guys have questions or

1073
00:59:51.000 --> 00:59:59.840
whatever, um, God has somebody great for you, he does, and no matter.

1074
01:00:00.640 --> 01:00:02.840
if you struggle on some days, you're going to have,

1075
01:00:02.920 --> 01:00:06.560
you're going to have days where you just feel discouraged and you're going to

1076
01:00:06.560 --> 01:00:10.280
struggle. Or I don't know about you guys, but when I got, um,

1077
01:00:10.560 --> 01:00:14.360
the opportunity to go on my first date, all of a sudden, I'm like, Oh my God,

1078
01:00:14.360 --> 01:00:17.760
I haven't lost enough weight yet. Like, I'm not ready. I'm not ready.

1079
01:00:17.760 --> 01:00:21.080
And I like all this stuff was bubbling up in my spirit,

1080
01:00:21.840 --> 01:00:25.440
but it wasn't what God was saying. It was my fear,

1081
01:00:25.600 --> 01:00:30.600
my anxieties surfacing about all the reasons why I

1082
01:00:30.600 --> 01:00:33.400
wasn't ready, but that wasn't God saying that.

1083
01:00:35.000 --> 01:00:37.840
So if you're experiencing some of that stuff, no, it's normal,

1084
01:00:38.560 --> 01:00:43.280
but don't stay there like, okay, God, what do you want to say to me?

1085
01:00:43.280 --> 01:00:47.480
And so I remember God saying to me, Bethany, it's time, it's time.

1086
01:00:47.480 --> 01:00:51.480
It's time for you to get out there and get this ball rolling. And so I did.

1087
01:00:52.400 --> 01:00:53.800
And that guy wasn't my spirit mate.

1088
01:00:54.120 --> 01:00:56.920
And neither were some of the others that I've talked to you about, but those,

1089
01:00:56.960 --> 01:00:59.200
those guys all, again,

1090
01:00:59.200 --> 01:01:03.960
were a part of my process leading me towards

1091
01:01:04.200 --> 01:01:09.000
my spirit mate. And that is Brian, who I'm now married to for over two years.

1092
01:01:09.600 --> 01:01:12.840
And so some of y'all, you know, your journey,

1093
01:01:12.960 --> 01:01:15.200
some of you guys might meet your spirit mate right away.

1094
01:01:15.920 --> 01:01:17.000
And some of you might not,

1095
01:01:17.000 --> 01:01:20.720
but I don't want you to feel like get into that comparison.

1096
01:01:20.720 --> 01:01:22.640
Remember we talked about that in heart work,

1097
01:01:23.400 --> 01:01:28.080
staying out of the comparison trap because your

1098
01:01:28.080 --> 01:01:30.760
spirit mate might be getting prepared for you right now.

1099
01:01:32.560 --> 01:01:35.760
I feel the Holy spirit even on that. And if you guys can lean into that,

1100
01:01:36.240 --> 01:01:40.760
instead of that scarcity fear, like, Oh my God, it's not happening for me.

1101
01:01:40.920 --> 01:01:41.760
No, it is.

1102
01:01:42.280 --> 01:01:45.640
God is drawing you to your spirit mate and he's drawing your spirit mate to you.

1103
01:01:45.640 --> 01:01:49.640
But in that process, you guys are both being prepared for each other.

1104
01:01:50.560 --> 01:01:53.120
Does that mean you're not going to hit bumps once you meet each other?

1105
01:01:53.680 --> 01:01:57.840
What do y'all think? Just curious. What do y'all think?

1106
01:01:59.600 --> 01:02:03.080
Do you think you're going to have any bumps after you meet your spirit mate?

1107
01:02:03.360 --> 01:02:07.240
Yeah. You all. And you know, Brian and I, honestly, we don't,

1108
01:02:08.360 --> 01:02:11.640
we don't really fight like we don't. Um, sometimes, you know,

1109
01:02:11.640 --> 01:02:14.240
now that we've been married longer, there's little things that come up,

1110
01:02:14.240 --> 01:02:18.160
but we also like our kids are more grown,

1111
01:02:18.600 --> 01:02:21.800
at least right now we're, we are still trying to get pregnant. Um,

1112
01:02:21.840 --> 01:02:25.760
so we have kids and we have tough dynamics sometimes navigating with that,

1113
01:02:26.080 --> 01:02:27.960
but they don't live in our home right now.

1114
01:02:28.400 --> 01:02:33.240
But mine came a little differently because he's a pastor

1115
01:02:34.160 --> 01:02:36.960
and in the denomination he was in,

1116
01:02:37.840 --> 01:02:42.160
he got moved pretty often. And then we got moved again,

1117
01:02:42.160 --> 01:02:47.440
just recently. So ours, you know, our, and not that those are even bad things,

1118
01:02:47.440 --> 01:02:51.600
but I just want you guys to understand that the heartwork that you've already

1119
01:02:51.600 --> 01:02:55.240
done and the heartwork God leads you to do now is going to,

1120
01:02:55.240 --> 01:02:58.120
if you continue to let that grow you,

1121
01:02:58.960 --> 01:03:03.760
it's going to continue to prepare you to not freak out and run

1122
01:03:04.760 --> 01:03:08.560
when you're with your spirit mate, because things are going to present themselves.

1123
01:03:08.920 --> 01:03:09.280
Um,

1124
01:03:09.280 --> 01:03:14.160
Brian and I were getting ready to get married and we had our whole

1125
01:03:14.160 --> 01:03:17.240
honeymoon planned. I don't know why I just feel led to share a couple of these

1126
01:03:17.440 --> 01:03:19.200
things. Cause I think it's, this is like real talk.

1127
01:03:20.240 --> 01:03:23.080
We had our whole honeymoon planned, literally.

1128
01:03:23.320 --> 01:03:26.200
I don't remember if it was two or three weeks beforehand,

1129
01:03:26.560 --> 01:03:29.080
he had sent off for an updated passport.

1130
01:03:30.640 --> 01:03:31.480
I remember that.

1131
01:03:33.840 --> 01:03:35.040
From his prior marriage,

1132
01:03:35.040 --> 01:03:38.640
he had some child support stuff that he had always taken care of,

1133
01:03:38.640 --> 01:03:42.800
but there was some kind of blip in that without going into to it too far,

1134
01:03:43.240 --> 01:03:47.360
even though he had consistently paid on this back child support,

1135
01:03:47.360 --> 01:03:50.480
he had been paying on it for years because it wasn't fully paid off.

1136
01:03:50.480 --> 01:03:52.240
We had no clue. This was going to happen. Y'all,

1137
01:03:53.200 --> 01:03:54.880
they wouldn't give him a new passport.

1138
01:03:56.160 --> 01:03:58.960
What three weeks before our time to leave.

1139
01:03:59.840 --> 01:04:03.200
Can I say that I panicked? Absolutely.

1140
01:04:04.160 --> 01:04:07.560
Super anxiety filled time. I didn't need,

1141
01:04:07.600 --> 01:04:10.160
we neither one of us knew that that was even a thing.

1142
01:04:10.280 --> 01:04:12.880
If we did, we would have just, I mean, he was making payments,

1143
01:04:12.880 --> 01:04:14.360
so we just didn't think anything about it.

1144
01:04:14.360 --> 01:04:17.160
We would have just paid that off before we even sent that. Anyways,

1145
01:04:17.160 --> 01:04:19.960
I'm saying that to say by the grace of God,

1146
01:04:19.960 --> 01:04:24.760
we had someone that like knew someone in government that got

1147
01:04:24.760 --> 01:04:26.680
Brian an appointment, but y'all,

1148
01:04:26.680 --> 01:04:31.200
he had to drive all the way to Chicago two days before our

1149
01:04:31.200 --> 01:04:33.200
wedding to get his passport.

1150
01:04:35.320 --> 01:04:37.160
I didn't even know if he was going to make it back.

1151
01:04:37.320 --> 01:04:39.200
Or when our guests were starting to arrive,

1152
01:04:39.200 --> 01:04:41.640
like I didn't know if he was going to get back in time for his bachelor

1153
01:04:41.640 --> 01:04:44.240
party and all the things anyways.

1154
01:04:44.240 --> 01:04:48.640
So there was that situation and we worked through that, you know,

1155
01:04:48.680 --> 01:04:53.680
and even in that I can remember the enemy trying to like cause me to

1156
01:04:53.680 --> 01:04:55.200
be upset with Brian.

1157
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.560
But the reality is, is he didn't know that was going to happen either.

1158
01:05:03.560 --> 01:05:09.040
You know, so we always are going to be presented with opportunities again, to look at it through

1159
01:05:09.040 --> 01:05:15.400
the lens of the father and, and what is God saying and not getting triggered and not getting

1160
01:05:15.400 --> 01:05:19.080
caught up in fear and anxiety and panic and all this stuff.

1161
01:05:19.080 --> 01:05:24.440
But instead like, okay, Lord, we can't change the situation.

1162
01:05:24.440 --> 01:05:30.440
How can we work as a team to navigate it together and let you be in the center of it and see

1163
01:05:30.440 --> 01:05:32.240
what you want to do through it.

1164
01:05:32.240 --> 01:05:36.320
So we got that passport, you all, everything went as planned.

1165
01:05:36.320 --> 01:05:37.320
Thank the Lord.

1166
01:05:37.320 --> 01:05:38.320
We went on this amazing honeymoon.

1167
01:05:38.320 --> 01:05:40.240
It was incredible.

1168
01:05:40.240 --> 01:05:43.020
We had a lot of people that played a role in that.

1169
01:05:43.020 --> 01:05:45.860
And that's how God works, you know, sometimes.

1170
01:05:45.860 --> 01:05:52.400
And then gosh, I guess we were married a year, maybe a little over that.

1171
01:05:52.400 --> 01:05:58.240
Brian had some, a physical thing that happened in his arm, just randomly one day out of nowhere.

1172
01:05:58.240 --> 01:06:01.760
And he had ended up having to have surgery.

1173
01:06:01.760 --> 01:06:06.360
And then there was another surgery that we had planned on him having that after he had

1174
01:06:06.360 --> 01:06:12.000
that surgery, he had these massive blood clots that showed up and it was very scary time.

1175
01:06:12.000 --> 01:06:15.640
It was very scary, but we made it through it.

1176
01:06:15.640 --> 01:06:17.560
We made it through it, you all.

1177
01:06:17.560 --> 01:06:23.080
And life is about a series of moments that are going to teach you if you let them and

1178
01:06:23.080 --> 01:06:27.200
help you grow individually, as well as with your spirit mate.

1179
01:06:27.200 --> 01:06:29.920
So keep going, keep going.

1180
01:06:29.920 --> 01:06:31.720
And I don't say those things to scare you.

1181
01:06:31.720 --> 01:06:34.400
I think that's important.

1182
01:06:34.400 --> 01:06:35.920
Everybody's situations look different.

1183
01:06:35.920 --> 01:06:37.440
That's what some of ours were.

1184
01:06:37.440 --> 01:06:45.960
But I say it because I think sometimes what I see happening in our community is people

1185
01:06:46.000 --> 01:06:52.160
think they're going to get into relationship and it's just going to be like this easy flat.

1186
01:06:52.160 --> 01:06:54.160
And sometimes it is.

1187
01:06:54.160 --> 01:07:03.160
But every relationship has bumps and journeys and lessons that God's not sending all of

1188
01:07:03.160 --> 01:07:04.160
those things our way.

1189
01:07:04.160 --> 01:07:09.880
Some of the stuff that sent our ways from the enemy, I don't think God made Brian sick.

1190
01:07:09.880 --> 01:07:13.880
I think the enemy for years, I mean, Brian has had blood clots before he almost died

1191
01:07:13.880 --> 01:07:14.880
years ago.

1192
01:07:14.880 --> 01:07:21.040
The enemy is trying to come at him because God has a plan for him and God has a plan

1193
01:07:21.040 --> 01:07:22.040
for us.

1194
01:07:22.040 --> 01:07:29.600
And so we intercede, we stand in the gap and we fight and we fight on behalf of each other.

1195
01:07:29.600 --> 01:07:32.160
And I'll end on this.

1196
01:07:32.160 --> 01:07:35.600
Brian and I laugh more than I've ever laughed in my entire life.

1197
01:07:35.600 --> 01:07:46.720
We have a lot of fun and genuinely there's nobody I trust more in my whole life.

1198
01:07:46.720 --> 01:07:51.000
I trust him with everything, all of me.

1199
01:07:51.000 --> 01:07:54.520
I'm not afraid to let my guard down with him.

1200
01:07:54.520 --> 01:08:00.560
I'm not afraid to, which I've had to learn this, but I'm not afraid to let him see even

1201
01:08:00.560 --> 01:08:03.280
my ugly parts, if you will.

1202
01:08:03.280 --> 01:08:07.040
Maybe I have a bad day and I don't respond, typically it's not him.

1203
01:08:07.040 --> 01:08:10.400
It's other stuff that frustrates me.

1204
01:08:10.400 --> 01:08:18.040
But like he loves me and he loves all of me and I'm not too much for him.

1205
01:08:18.040 --> 01:08:23.060
And so I want y'all to know that that is the kind of spirit mate that you can have too.

1206
01:08:23.060 --> 01:08:29.760
So questions, anyone on anything could have been on stuff Carla was talking about and

1207
01:08:29.800 --> 01:08:32.479
she can respond or anything that I shared about.

1208
01:08:36.479 --> 01:08:37.600
Crickets, what's going on?

1209
01:08:40.120 --> 01:08:45.439
I know I feel like we just kind of like on you ladies, but yes, Teresa.

1210
01:08:45.600 --> 01:08:47.359
OK, I feel like.

1211
01:08:48.600 --> 01:08:55.000
I'm the same as Bethany, I really want it on my profile about spirituality, but I really

1212
01:08:55.000 --> 01:08:57.240
don't know how to word that.

1213
01:08:57.560 --> 01:08:58.060
Hmm.

1214
01:08:58.560 --> 01:09:04.600
I haven't made a profile or anything like that yet, because that would be diving in,

1215
01:09:04.600 --> 01:09:05.100
right?

1216
01:09:07.720 --> 01:09:12.200
However, I did make up a little thing for friends.

1217
01:09:12.200 --> 01:09:14.479
I haven't sent it yet, but I've been working on it.

1218
01:09:15.399 --> 01:09:18.040
And what did I put on there?

1219
01:09:18.040 --> 01:09:20.640
Something I did put something about the spirituality.

1220
01:09:20.920 --> 01:09:21.720
I made a list.

1221
01:09:21.720 --> 01:09:23.520
I don't know if I should be putting in a list.

1222
01:09:23.880 --> 01:09:25.279
I wouldn't probably.

1223
01:09:25.880 --> 01:09:30.800
Yeah, that's something that they can organically know as they get to know you from my

1224
01:09:30.800 --> 01:09:31.300
perspective.

1225
01:09:31.399 --> 01:09:31.899
Yeah.

1226
01:09:32.200 --> 01:09:38.600
OK, so what I said, the main thing I'm looking for is a Christ follower who shows the

1227
01:09:38.600 --> 01:09:40.200
fruits of the spirit in his life.

1228
01:09:40.760 --> 01:09:42.359
This is what I'm saying to my friends.

1229
01:09:43.800 --> 01:09:48.720
And then I had other things like, but I don't know if I should be putting this mission.

1230
01:09:49.359 --> 01:09:54.800
But I've put the other priorities for me are that we match somewhat.

1231
01:09:56.000 --> 01:09:58.560
Mission trips and volunteering are important to me.

1232
01:09:58.560 --> 01:09:59.960
I like to do lots of active.

1233
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.160
stuff that balanced with relaxing.

1234
01:10:02.160 --> 01:10:03.640
I like to travel.

1235
01:10:03.640 --> 01:10:08.640
I don't smoke, drink alcohol rarely and no drugs, LOL.

1236
01:10:08.960 --> 01:10:12.320
And then my age and sort of the age range I'm looking for.

1237
01:10:12.320 --> 01:10:13.160
So.

1238
01:10:14.240 --> 01:10:15.400
Okay, let me back up.

1239
01:10:15.400 --> 01:10:18.160
I kind of said, don't share, this is to your friends.

1240
01:10:18.160 --> 01:10:19.240
Is that what you're saying?

1241
01:10:19.240 --> 01:10:20.080
Yes.

1242
01:10:20.080 --> 01:10:22.400
So then yeah, you can totally share that kind of stuff

1243
01:10:22.400 --> 01:10:24.600
with your friends on your dating profile.

1244
01:10:24.600 --> 01:10:26.240
I thought that's what you were saying at first.

1245
01:10:26.240 --> 01:10:29.080
That's where I'm heading next if this doesn't work.

1246
01:10:29.120 --> 01:10:30.520
Yeah.

1247
01:10:30.520 --> 01:10:32.120
So your dating profile,

1248
01:10:32.120 --> 01:10:34.040
you're gonna keep it more high level.

1249
01:10:34.040 --> 01:10:36.040
So that like, I wanna, you know,

1250
01:10:36.040 --> 01:10:38.520
whatever you said there, Christ follower,

1251
01:10:38.520 --> 01:10:40.240
who walks in the fruits of the spirit.

1252
01:10:40.240 --> 01:10:43.240
I think that that is very telling.

1253
01:10:43.240 --> 01:10:47.440
And you could, I'll have to go back

1254
01:10:47.440 --> 01:10:48.280
and look at how I said it.

1255
01:10:48.280 --> 01:10:49.520
But I think I said something.

1256
01:10:49.520 --> 01:10:52.680
I think I said something like on mine

1257
01:10:52.680 --> 01:10:54.280
that I'm a Jesus lover.

1258
01:10:54.280 --> 01:10:57.080
I wanted, for me, I wanted to use the word Jesus

1259
01:10:57.080 --> 01:11:01.600
because I figured, I mean, y'all,

1260
01:11:01.600 --> 01:11:03.400
I still got tons of messages from people

1261
01:11:03.400 --> 01:11:05.480
that probably had no relationship with Jesus.

1262
01:11:05.480 --> 01:11:07.320
So let me be clear.

1263
01:11:07.320 --> 01:11:09.680
I just didn't interact with those people.

1264
01:11:09.680 --> 01:11:13.520
But I definitely believed when I did that,

1265
01:11:13.520 --> 01:11:17.360
that people that don't like Jesus at all

1266
01:11:19.160 --> 01:11:21.880
weren't gonna try to like pursue me.

1267
01:11:21.880 --> 01:11:22.800
Not really.

1268
01:11:22.800 --> 01:11:24.680
You know, again, you're gonna get those people.

1269
01:11:24.680 --> 01:11:26.240
I mean, I can remember getting,

1270
01:11:27.200 --> 01:11:28.720
not that this means he didn't love Jesus,

1271
01:11:28.720 --> 01:11:31.640
but I got this like from this guy

1272
01:11:31.640 --> 01:11:33.960
that had like all this pink hair and just,

1273
01:11:33.960 --> 01:11:35.640
I mean, he looked rough and tough

1274
01:11:35.640 --> 01:11:38.680
and I was just like, what is happening?

1275
01:11:38.680 --> 01:11:43.600
But anyways, so I think keeping it high level,

1276
01:11:43.600 --> 01:11:47.360
but I was also thinking because you care about missions,

1277
01:11:47.360 --> 01:11:50.440
it sounds like, you could say something

1278
01:11:51.440 --> 01:11:53.120
from the perspective of,

1279
01:11:54.400 --> 01:11:57.800
I have a heart for missions ministry,

1280
01:11:57.800 --> 01:11:59.120
something like that.

1281
01:12:03.680 --> 01:12:05.680
And you said something else, but like, you know,

1282
01:12:05.680 --> 01:12:09.880
I believe, I'm trying to think how you would say this

1283
01:12:09.880 --> 01:12:10.720
on your dating profile,

1284
01:12:10.720 --> 01:12:11.960
because you don't want to over,

1285
01:12:11.960 --> 01:12:13.960
again, you don't want to overgive stuff

1286
01:12:13.960 --> 01:12:16.640
because you want those conversations to happen

1287
01:12:16.640 --> 01:12:18.280
as you get to know people.

1288
01:12:18.360 --> 01:12:20.920
So I think saying that you want to meet someone

1289
01:12:20.920 --> 01:12:21.800
that's a Christ follower,

1290
01:12:21.800 --> 01:12:23.360
walking with the fruits of the spirit,

1291
01:12:23.360 --> 01:12:27.000
and you want to partner with someone who also-

1292
01:12:28.360 --> 01:12:29.400
Has a heart for missions.

1293
01:12:29.400 --> 01:12:31.280
Has a heart for missions, yeah.

1294
01:12:31.280 --> 01:12:34.080
Because you don't maybe want it to feel like

1295
01:12:34.080 --> 01:12:37.960
the person has to feel called as a missionary,

1296
01:12:37.960 --> 01:12:40.920
but unless that's what you feel called to.

1297
01:12:40.920 --> 01:12:44.080
Do you feel called to actually be a missionary and move,

1298
01:12:44.080 --> 01:12:46.720
or you just feel called to do missions work

1299
01:12:46.720 --> 01:12:47.760
as God leads you?

1300
01:12:49.280 --> 01:12:51.920
If I was with a spirit mate match

1301
01:12:51.920 --> 01:12:55.760
that did want to go overseas and be a missionary,

1302
01:12:55.760 --> 01:12:58.080
I would be interested.

1303
01:12:58.080 --> 01:13:01.000
But it isn't a deal breaker, right?

1304
01:13:01.000 --> 01:13:03.800
It isn't something that they have to do.

1305
01:13:03.800 --> 01:13:06.360
But I feel like if you say mission trips,

1306
01:13:06.360 --> 01:13:07.800
it kind of goes with the travel,

1307
01:13:07.800 --> 01:13:10.840
which I love to travel and, you know,

1308
01:13:10.840 --> 01:13:12.080
the ministry part of it.

1309
01:13:12.080 --> 01:13:15.240
So, and I don't know if I'd get on my profile,

1310
01:13:15.240 --> 01:13:17.920
if I really have to talk about travel or not.

1311
01:13:18.440 --> 01:13:20.280
You can say I love to travel.

1312
01:13:20.280 --> 01:13:22.480
You can just talk about even loving to travel.

1313
01:13:22.480 --> 01:13:24.920
And I was, this was a huge one for me.

1314
01:13:24.920 --> 01:13:27.440
I enjoy going to new places.

1315
01:13:27.440 --> 01:13:31.160
So that's typically even, I put that on there,

1316
01:13:31.160 --> 01:13:35.480
but then I would be looking for other people's profile

1317
01:13:35.480 --> 01:13:36.520
that talked about travel,

1318
01:13:36.520 --> 01:13:40.560
because then it gave me a topic to engage in

1319
01:13:40.560 --> 01:13:43.240
and get to know a little bit more about them.

1320
01:13:43.240 --> 01:13:46.120
So you can use those travel topics of like,

1321
01:13:46.160 --> 01:13:48.320
I mean, I always ask those questions,

1322
01:13:48.320 --> 01:13:49.960
like, what's the most, you know,

1323
01:13:49.960 --> 01:13:52.440
what's your favorite vacation you've been on?

1324
01:13:52.440 --> 01:13:54.320
Or if you could go anywhere in the world,

1325
01:13:54.320 --> 01:13:56.000
where would you go?

1326
01:13:56.000 --> 01:13:57.960
And so that was a big question for me,

1327
01:13:57.960 --> 01:14:00.960
because then they would ask in hopes,

1328
01:14:00.960 --> 01:14:04.560
some guys don't get the clue to ask the question back,

1329
01:14:04.560 --> 01:14:05.920
but I would always offer up,

1330
01:14:05.920 --> 01:14:09.320
like for me, one place that I really would love

1331
01:14:09.320 --> 01:14:12.200
to travel and visit is Israel.

1332
01:14:12.200 --> 01:14:13.720
So again, I would use,

1333
01:14:13.720 --> 01:14:17.240
and that is, they got a snapshot into seeing like,

1334
01:14:17.240 --> 01:14:20.200
the reason I want to go there is because

1335
01:14:20.200 --> 01:14:22.400
I do have a fascination with Jesus.

1336
01:14:22.400 --> 01:14:26.800
I want to be in the, and go and do and see

1337
01:14:26.800 --> 01:14:29.240
and walk the places that he's walked.

1338
01:14:29.240 --> 01:14:32.040
And so that, those types of questions would come

1339
01:14:32.040 --> 01:14:34.960
after I've gotten to know them a little bit,

1340
01:14:34.960 --> 01:14:37.440
but you could say, I've always wanted to go to Israel,

1341
01:14:37.440 --> 01:14:40.640
and then you can maybe wait after a while,

1342
01:14:40.640 --> 01:14:43.400
you know, a couple of interactions, a couple of dates,

1343
01:14:44.080 --> 01:14:47.840
and then go into why that place is somewhere you want to go.

1344
01:14:47.840 --> 01:14:52.360
So I think their travel is an interest for you.

1345
01:14:54.000 --> 01:14:54.840
Okay.

1346
01:14:54.840 --> 01:14:56.920
What about the smoking and the alcohol?

1347
01:14:56.920 --> 01:15:00.120
Because I wouldn't really want.

1348
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.000
a man who drinks every day even, just one drink a day,

1349
01:15:05.560 --> 01:15:08.200
I feel like I wouldn't love that.

1350
01:15:09.720 --> 01:15:11.760
And I know you're not getting drunk or anything like that,

1351
01:15:11.760 --> 01:15:14.400
but it's just not a priority at all in my life.

1352
01:15:14.400 --> 01:15:17.920
So, you know, it feels like we should be matching

1353
01:15:17.920 --> 01:15:19.840
in some ways in that way.

1354
01:15:19.840 --> 01:15:21.160
Is that something you would put on?

1355
01:15:21.160 --> 01:15:22.800
I was someone that I was not,

1356
01:15:22.800 --> 01:15:24.960
I was not interested in dating a smoker.

1357
01:15:26.200 --> 01:15:27.760
That was huge for me.

1358
01:15:27.760 --> 01:15:30.600
Like some of the apps actually have

1359
01:15:30.600 --> 01:15:32.920
where you're gonna select that stuff.

1360
01:15:32.920 --> 01:15:33.800
Not all of them do,

1361
01:15:33.800 --> 01:15:37.400
but like, I definitely didn't want to date a smoker.

1362
01:15:37.400 --> 01:15:40.880
And so I just said, like, whatever the little,

1363
01:15:40.880 --> 01:15:44.980
you know, the toggles that you pick, like non-smoker.

1364
01:15:47.320 --> 01:15:49.920
Because I even think people can put occasionally smoke.

1365
01:15:49.920 --> 01:15:53.480
And I was like, that do not match me with anybody that,

1366
01:15:53.480 --> 01:15:56.600
I mean, they have to be an absolute non-smoker.

1367
01:15:56.600 --> 01:15:58.760
So those like, a lot of those,

1368
01:15:58.760 --> 01:16:01.300
a lot of apps do put that on there.

1369
01:16:03.120 --> 01:16:04.920
Okay, well, I don't see anything wrong with that.

1370
01:16:04.920 --> 01:16:06.800
I mean, that was huge and important to me.

1371
01:16:06.800 --> 01:16:09.640
I mean, for many different reasons, my dad was a smoker.

1372
01:16:09.640 --> 01:16:12.800
He has a lot of health issues because of it.

1373
01:16:12.800 --> 01:16:15.360
The smell of it makes me nauseous.

1374
01:16:15.360 --> 01:16:19.120
And then my son's father hid it from me

1375
01:16:19.120 --> 01:16:21.920
and then I got pregnant and he came out

1376
01:16:21.920 --> 01:16:23.300
to show me that he was a smoker.

1377
01:16:23.300 --> 01:16:24.960
And I was like, devastated.

1378
01:16:25.960 --> 01:16:27.840
I was like, I don't want to be fooled.

1379
01:16:27.840 --> 01:16:29.480
I don't want to be tricked into that anymore.

1380
01:16:29.480 --> 01:16:32.840
And that's why, again, that was a big indicator for me

1381
01:16:32.840 --> 01:16:35.480
of really taking time to get to know somebody

1382
01:16:35.480 --> 01:16:38.720
because I didn't take time to get to know my son's dad.

1383
01:16:38.720 --> 01:16:39.960
And had I done that,

1384
01:16:39.960 --> 01:16:43.120
then I probably would have found a lot more information

1385
01:16:43.120 --> 01:16:46.160
and made better choices for myself.

1386
01:16:47.240 --> 01:16:50.800
I mean, I absolutely agree with not getting physical

1387
01:16:50.800 --> 01:16:53.960
for a long, long time, because I don't,

1388
01:16:54.000 --> 01:16:57.600
I think it changes the wiring of your brain

1389
01:16:57.600 --> 01:17:00.000
and all of a sudden, everything's great, he's great.

1390
01:17:00.000 --> 01:17:00.840
Everything's great.

1391
01:17:00.840 --> 01:17:03.600
It does, it will cloud your judgment.

1392
01:17:03.600 --> 01:17:05.760
It will, red flag.

1393
01:17:05.760 --> 01:17:07.480
That's what happened to me in the past.

1394
01:17:07.480 --> 01:17:12.300
If I, I would be fine with holding hands,

1395
01:17:12.300 --> 01:17:14.300
not like the first date, you're right about that,

1396
01:17:14.300 --> 01:17:17.520
but early-ish on, I'd be okay with that.

1397
01:17:17.520 --> 01:17:21.400
But, and then once you're exclusive,

1398
01:17:21.400 --> 01:17:22.640
kissing and stuff like that.

1399
01:17:23.600 --> 01:17:27.880
But I do feel like actually having sex with someone,

1400
01:17:27.880 --> 01:17:31.360
it just changes your brain, really.

1401
01:17:31.360 --> 01:17:32.900
And it shuts it off in a way.

1402
01:17:35.240 --> 01:17:37.320
Jackie actually talked about that a little bit

1403
01:17:37.320 --> 01:17:38.840
in our last Love Seats, y'all.

1404
01:17:38.840 --> 01:17:40.200
If you haven't heard that replay,

1405
01:17:40.200 --> 01:17:43.520
that is in your replay area of the app.

1406
01:17:43.520 --> 01:17:44.920
Someone asked a question

1407
01:17:44.920 --> 01:17:47.320
and they were only seeing the guy three weeks

1408
01:17:47.320 --> 01:17:50.040
and it seemed like the guy was trying to accelerate them

1409
01:17:50.040 --> 01:17:50.960
a little quickly.

1410
01:17:51.800 --> 01:17:54.160
And there was someone else that was kind of talking

1411
01:17:54.160 --> 01:17:55.760
about some of that kind of stuff as well.

1412
01:17:55.760 --> 01:17:58.820
A hundred percent, our brain chemistry totally changes.

1413
01:18:01.200 --> 01:18:03.720
I really, because I even coached someone yesterday

1414
01:18:03.720 --> 01:18:06.520
in our group in phase three,

1415
01:18:06.520 --> 01:18:10.280
because she's kind of been dating a guy for like five months

1416
01:18:10.280 --> 01:18:12.920
and they've been on several dates,

1417
01:18:12.920 --> 01:18:15.100
but he's not being super physical with her.

1418
01:18:15.100 --> 01:18:17.220
And she feels like that's a problem.

1419
01:18:17.220 --> 01:18:20.000
And I'm like, I can kind of get that, I guess,

1420
01:18:20.040 --> 01:18:22.480
but I'm like, but if, when y'all talked about it,

1421
01:18:22.480 --> 01:18:24.680
he basically communicated to her,

1422
01:18:24.680 --> 01:18:29.680
I feel led to protect you and not do that kind of stuff.

1423
01:18:30.160 --> 01:18:31.800
And so I encouraged her,

1424
01:18:31.800 --> 01:18:34.200
I think you need to ask him more about that

1425
01:18:34.200 --> 01:18:37.900
because some people, if they kiss,

1426
01:18:37.900 --> 01:18:41.920
they just cannot hold back their self-control

1427
01:18:41.920 --> 01:18:43.380
and it's not a knock on them,

1428
01:18:43.380 --> 01:18:46.000
but they just don't want to open those floodgates.

1429
01:18:46.000 --> 01:18:49.880
And I don't want people to criticize someone

1430
01:18:50.720 --> 01:18:52.440
because they're doing something as a guardrail

1431
01:18:52.440 --> 01:18:54.340
and a protective mechanism.

1432
01:18:55.720 --> 01:18:58.800
And so my encouragement to her also,

1433
01:18:58.800 --> 01:19:00.000
and again, I get it.

1434
01:19:00.000 --> 01:19:02.240
Some people, they feel like they need that

1435
01:19:02.240 --> 01:19:03.920
to feel connection.

1436
01:19:03.920 --> 01:19:08.500
But my question also for her was from my own experience,

1437
01:19:08.500 --> 01:19:09.800
again, not projecting this on her,

1438
01:19:09.800 --> 01:19:13.040
but like in the past, because of things I went through,

1439
01:19:14.000 --> 01:19:16.520
the way I felt connected and love,

1440
01:19:16.520 --> 01:19:18.120
even though it wasn't true love,

1441
01:19:18.120 --> 01:19:20.220
was through physical contact.

1442
01:19:21.160 --> 01:19:22.840
And so with Brian,

1443
01:19:22.840 --> 01:19:25.640
God was leading us to do something different.

1444
01:19:25.640 --> 01:19:27.480
And even with my first husband,

1445
01:19:27.480 --> 01:19:29.480
we really reset everything,

1446
01:19:29.480 --> 01:19:32.080
but we guarded that with each other.

1447
01:19:32.080 --> 01:19:34.660
And there were things where we initially,

1448
01:19:34.660 --> 01:19:36.600
once we did get exclusive, we were kissing

1449
01:19:36.600 --> 01:19:39.960
and we had to back off all the way of that stuff

1450
01:19:39.960 --> 01:19:43.040
because it was like my mind and my physical body

1451
01:19:43.040 --> 01:19:45.320
was trying to go past where we were.

1452
01:19:45.360 --> 01:19:46.640
And I remember one time,

1453
01:19:46.640 --> 01:19:48.080
like, cause that's just like,

1454
01:19:48.080 --> 01:19:50.920
again, I was trying to train my body in a new way,

1455
01:19:50.920 --> 01:19:53.040
like self-control, grow in that.

1456
01:19:53.040 --> 01:19:54.560
But my body sometimes,

1457
01:19:54.560 --> 01:19:58.120
because of things I've been through and past decisions,

1458
01:19:58.120 --> 01:20:00.120
it goes to 180, super.

1459
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.640
fast and I'm like, okay, this isn't good. And Brian saw that too. And I remember one time

1460
01:20:04.640 --> 01:20:09.680
when he was like, Hey, like, you know, we need to not, we need to not cuddle. We need to not kiss

1461
01:20:09.680 --> 01:20:15.760
and we can't lay together and watch a movie. And I remember I felt rejection. He wasn't rejecting me.

1462
01:20:15.760 --> 01:20:22.400
He was protecting us and me. But in that moment, I felt rejection. Now I could have hid from that,

1463
01:20:22.400 --> 01:20:26.560
but instead God told me to express it to him. And we were able to talk through that.

1464
01:20:26.560 --> 01:20:32.560
But I see it a lot differently, obviously having gone through that. And now where I am,

1465
01:20:33.280 --> 01:20:42.160
man, that was a really amazing moment that he, he recognized that and God was trying to grow

1466
01:20:42.160 --> 01:20:49.520
so much more of our foundation. Um, and God knew, and I believe he was using Brian to help me.

1467
01:20:50.640 --> 01:20:56.080
I had never been in a relationship before that did not have that as a core foundation.

1468
01:20:56.720 --> 01:21:04.080
On the front end, but God was trying to teach me that my value has way more to do

1469
01:21:05.040 --> 01:21:09.360
than just my body. Cause I mean, I don't know if I said that right, but like,

1470
01:21:09.360 --> 01:21:16.480
there's so much more to me than that. And, um, some of us that's, that's something we need to,

1471
01:21:16.480 --> 01:21:22.640
we need to learn that and, and not put so much emphasis on like this visceral attraction. And,

1472
01:21:22.640 --> 01:21:27.360
and yes, I think God wants to give us that too. So don't misunderstand me or Jackie, when we say

1473
01:21:27.360 --> 01:21:33.440
that, but like, if we, the people that I always had this big, like physical draw to right in the

1474
01:21:33.440 --> 01:21:41.040
beginning, those ended up not being healthy choices for me. So when Jackie coached us on that,

1475
01:21:41.040 --> 01:21:46.080
I really started paying attention to that. So anyways, not that that's what you were

1476
01:21:46.080 --> 01:21:49.280
talking about necessarily, Teresa, but I just wanted to add that as well.

1477
01:21:50.240 --> 01:21:56.960
No, I mean, in the past, I've always found that it fairly easy to, to not get physical

1478
01:21:56.960 --> 01:22:01.840
until about the three months, you know, and at about three months, you know, well enough, you,

1479
01:22:02.960 --> 01:22:09.840
your bowl, you know, all that stuff. So, so I do agree that it's, um, and I, I know my husband

1480
01:22:09.840 --> 01:22:14.480
and I, we basically had to say, we can't, we can't be at home together anymore. We have to go for

1481
01:22:14.480 --> 01:22:22.080
walks. I couldn't even cuddle. Like if I even laid up next to Brian, the closer we got to our

1482
01:22:22.080 --> 01:22:26.880
wedding to the harder it got you all. Okay. And so I remember like, we were just kind of

1483
01:22:26.880 --> 01:22:32.400
watching a movie and I could feel it. My heart started racing. My flesh was starting to want

1484
01:22:32.400 --> 01:22:38.480
stuff. And I was like, I can't even cuddle with you. Like I got to sit over here. And from that

1485
01:22:38.480 --> 01:22:43.360
day forward, like until our wedding, we didn't kiss it. And this was like three months long,

1486
01:22:43.360 --> 01:22:49.040
you all, it was hard. We didn't kiss. We didn't cuddle. We did hold hands. But even sometimes

1487
01:22:49.040 --> 01:22:55.120
with that, I was like, man, babe, I can't even touch you. Like, you know, I'm just trying to

1488
01:22:55.120 --> 01:23:00.480
be real. It's, I think we're all going to have different levels of that though. Okay. So it

1489
01:23:00.480 --> 01:23:05.760
might be different for some of you all. You might not feel that, that intense of, of, you know,

1490
01:23:05.760 --> 01:23:10.400
physical charge if you're touching someone, but that is definitely stuff that happened for me.

1491
01:23:10.400 --> 01:23:14.160
And so we did a lot of kind of like what you just said to Teresa, like we didn't,

1492
01:23:15.120 --> 01:23:21.280
we did like after a certain hour, Brian, like would just go home. Um, and that was a guard rail

1493
01:23:21.280 --> 01:23:26.480
we set because you know, when it gets later into the night, people get tired. And one of the things

1494
01:23:26.480 --> 01:23:32.160
I loved about him too, is he literally told me early on, I'm never going to stay like, not that

1495
01:23:32.160 --> 01:23:36.000
I was even going to let him, but like, I'm never going to ask to stay the night at your house.

1496
01:23:36.960 --> 01:23:42.400
And again, he's a pastor too. So he was good about that, but there are some pastors and people in

1497
01:23:42.400 --> 01:23:50.080
leadership and churches that will still do that stuff. And so, yeah, just being aware and knowing

1498
01:23:50.080 --> 01:23:58.000
what you want or don't want. Yeah. I like even to like, this goes even Bethany, like even what

1499
01:23:58.000 --> 01:24:02.720
you were talking about and, and how you could respond and put boundaries in place as well.

1500
01:24:03.440 --> 01:24:08.080
Um, you know, I think ladies, if you remember when Jackie, when Bethany was sharing about

1501
01:24:08.800 --> 01:24:14.320
the guy asking her about the pajamas and, you know, putting a boundary down and he respected

1502
01:24:14.320 --> 01:24:18.880
it then, but then when they went on another date, I think that's important, you know,

1503
01:24:18.880 --> 01:24:23.280
and we talk about that in, you know, at the last video of setting boundaries. And, you know,

1504
01:24:23.280 --> 01:24:31.520
we talk about that when we, when we go over that about seeing the fruit of a man that's going to

1505
01:24:31.520 --> 01:24:38.640
respect boundaries, not just in the moment, but consistently. And that's important. And I also,

1506
01:24:38.640 --> 01:24:42.720
I had written this down because I think it was important to kind of cover with you ladies as

1507
01:24:42.720 --> 01:24:52.800
well, is listening to how Bethany responded when she noticed this, this guy wasn't gonna respect

1508
01:24:53.600 --> 01:24:59.680
her boundaries. She didn't get emotional about it. She didn't get discouraged.

1509
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.880
didn't, you know, get reactionary.

1510
01:25:02.880 --> 01:25:07.800
And I think that is, that's important to focus on too,

1511
01:25:07.800 --> 01:25:12.800
is when you find yourselves in situations where, you know,

1512
01:25:16.000 --> 01:25:19.960
your, someone's response to you is disappointing

1513
01:25:19.960 --> 01:25:24.960
or frustrating, it's how are you responding to that?

1514
01:25:25.160 --> 01:25:27.000
Are you responding in a healthy way?

1515
01:25:27.040 --> 01:25:32.000
Are you allowing it to shape you and your foundation?

1516
01:25:32.160 --> 01:25:36.200
Because if it is, then we need to, we need to look at that.

1517
01:25:36.200 --> 01:25:41.040
So just keeping that in mind as well,

1518
01:25:41.040 --> 01:25:44.960
and how to process that.

1519
01:25:44.960 --> 01:25:46.080
I gotta tell them real quick.

1520
01:25:46.080 --> 01:25:48.120
And I see there's two people that have their hands up too,

1521
01:25:48.120 --> 01:25:50.440
and I don't wanna derail what you were just gonna say,

1522
01:25:50.440 --> 01:25:53.600
but it made me think of the guy with the wiener dog thing.

1523
01:25:53.600 --> 01:25:55.680
So if y'all ever hear Jackie tell this story

1524
01:25:55.680 --> 01:25:58.120
about the guy with the wiener dog.

1525
01:25:58.120 --> 01:26:00.240
Yep, that happened to me.

1526
01:26:01.200 --> 01:26:03.320
Okay, so I was chatting with this guy

1527
01:26:04.600 --> 01:26:07.200
and he said, do you wanna see my wiener?

1528
01:26:07.200 --> 01:26:09.000
That's literally what he said to me.

1529
01:26:10.000 --> 01:26:12.320
I was mad, you all.

1530
01:26:12.320 --> 01:26:15.000
I was like spitting mad.

1531
01:26:15.000 --> 01:26:16.920
And I responded, I was like,

1532
01:26:17.840 --> 01:26:18.760
I don't even remember what I said,

1533
01:26:18.760 --> 01:26:21.640
but I basically was like, I don't think that's funny.

1534
01:26:21.640 --> 01:26:23.480
Like I said something like that.

1535
01:26:23.480 --> 01:26:26.840
Well, he tried to, I guess it's kind of like a form of like,

1536
01:26:26.840 --> 01:26:27.960
I don't know if it's called gaslighting,

1537
01:26:27.960 --> 01:26:32.360
but he tried to act like that's not really what he meant.

1538
01:26:33.400 --> 01:26:35.920
And so he sends me this picture of this wiener dog

1539
01:26:35.920 --> 01:26:39.080
in a costume, in a hot dog costume,

1540
01:26:39.080 --> 01:26:41.520
and tried to pretend that that's what he actually

1541
01:26:41.520 --> 01:26:43.560
originally intended to send me.

1542
01:26:44.680 --> 01:26:45.880
Okay, I'm not dumb.

1543
01:26:45.880 --> 01:26:47.560
That wasn't what he meant.

1544
01:26:47.560 --> 01:26:51.160
He wanted to know if I wanted to see a pic of that.

1545
01:26:51.160 --> 01:26:52.000
And I didn't.

1546
01:26:54.320 --> 01:26:59.320
I'm using that because that guy that night,

1547
01:27:00.040 --> 01:27:00.920
and not long after that,

1548
01:27:00.920 --> 01:27:03.840
I got onto actually an event with Last Year Single.

1549
01:27:03.840 --> 01:27:06.360
We were married in 12 months or less at that time.

1550
01:27:06.360 --> 01:27:08.920
And that guy blew up my phone.

1551
01:27:08.920 --> 01:27:10.720
Thankfully he didn't have my phone, praise the Lord,

1552
01:27:10.720 --> 01:27:12.360
but he was blowing up my Facebook messenger.

1553
01:27:12.360 --> 01:27:15.280
And the only reason I connected with him that way,

1554
01:27:16.440 --> 01:27:17.840
guess what you all?

1555
01:27:17.840 --> 01:27:20.160
He went to the same church as me.

1556
01:27:21.200 --> 01:27:23.440
He just went to a different campus.

1557
01:27:24.280 --> 01:27:25.720
And so that's why I let him in a little closer

1558
01:27:25.720 --> 01:27:28.040
than I had let other people in.

1559
01:27:28.040 --> 01:27:29.920
Now, he was not a healthy person.

1560
01:27:29.920 --> 01:27:32.080
And that actually got addressed later in leadership

1561
01:27:32.080 --> 01:27:34.160
in our church because he did some similar things

1562
01:27:34.160 --> 01:27:35.000
with some other people.

1563
01:27:35.000 --> 01:27:38.760
But I'm sharing that because of what Carla just said.

1564
01:27:40.600 --> 01:27:43.680
Initially, I got super frustrated with that guy.

1565
01:27:43.680 --> 01:27:46.600
But one of the things I learned through that

1566
01:27:46.600 --> 01:27:49.920
is he was trying to like gaslight me

1567
01:27:49.920 --> 01:27:51.880
and make me feel all kinds of guilt.

1568
01:27:51.880 --> 01:27:54.920
And I misunderstood him and I was like,

1569
01:27:54.920 --> 01:27:59.800
no dude, I got on an event and you were blowing up my phone

1570
01:27:59.800 --> 01:28:02.920
after you sent me this thing, we're done.

1571
01:28:02.920 --> 01:28:05.680
I'm not continuing this with you.

1572
01:28:05.680 --> 01:28:07.520
We're not talking anymore.

1573
01:28:07.520 --> 01:28:12.520
And then he continued to say stuff to me and I just quit.

1574
01:28:13.960 --> 01:28:15.400
And that's where sometimes you all,

1575
01:28:15.400 --> 01:28:18.440
I want you to understand just because someone says something

1576
01:28:18.440 --> 01:28:21.440
doesn't mean that they deserve a response.

1577
01:28:22.400 --> 01:28:23.800
So let them block.

1578
01:28:23.800 --> 01:28:26.240
There are gonna be times where you just,

1579
01:28:26.240 --> 01:28:29.320
it's like, okay, like I'm just moving on.

1580
01:28:29.320 --> 01:28:31.080
Like this is not healthy.

1581
01:28:31.080 --> 01:28:33.120
I don't have to convince this guy.

1582
01:28:33.120 --> 01:28:34.520
I don't have to explain myself.

1583
01:28:34.520 --> 01:28:37.800
I've already, I've said my piece, bless you.

1584
01:28:37.800 --> 01:28:40.440
And they can continue to try to blow up your phone

1585
01:28:40.440 --> 01:28:42.480
or even that guy went on to comment

1586
01:28:42.480 --> 01:28:44.760
on one of my social media posts.

1587
01:28:44.760 --> 01:28:46.320
So I just blocked him.

1588
01:28:46.320 --> 01:28:49.240
I blocked him from all my social media and everything.

1589
01:28:49.240 --> 01:28:51.080
So anyway, so I wanted to put that out there as well

1590
01:28:51.080 --> 01:28:53.440
because y'all will hear Jackie give that example

1591
01:28:53.440 --> 01:28:55.800
from time to time, but yep, the wiener dog happened.

1592
01:28:55.800 --> 01:28:58.160
It probably happened to other people too in some form,

1593
01:28:58.160 --> 01:28:59.000
but like-

1594
01:28:59.000 --> 01:29:01.200
And Bethany, did you, and you came into our community

1595
01:29:01.200 --> 01:29:03.760
and you, I mean, and you shared that stuff with us.

1596
01:29:03.760 --> 01:29:04.600
Yeah, I did.

1597
01:29:04.600 --> 01:29:05.440
In our community.

1598
01:29:05.440 --> 01:29:07.120
And I think, I mean, and so that's what I'm saying.

1599
01:29:07.120 --> 01:29:09.400
Like ladies, when I talk to you ladies about, you know,

1600
01:29:09.400 --> 01:29:12.760
showing up in community and connecting with your sisters,

1601
01:29:12.760 --> 01:29:15.120
it's let us know when these things happen.

1602
01:29:15.120 --> 01:29:18.760
I mean, I had, I didn't have the wiener dog situation,

1603
01:29:18.760 --> 01:29:21.560
but we, this, I don't know if you remember this,

1604
01:29:21.560 --> 01:29:24.880
but I think we had an interaction with a similar guy

1605
01:29:24.880 --> 01:29:26.800
that was in our actual community.

1606
01:29:27.800 --> 01:29:31.120
And he was one of the very first people

1607
01:29:31.120 --> 01:29:32.960
that got kicked out of our community.

1608
01:29:32.960 --> 01:29:33.800
Yes.

1609
01:29:33.800 --> 01:29:38.040
And he was one that I told him nicely

1610
01:29:38.040 --> 01:29:39.360
that I wasn't interested in him

1611
01:29:39.360 --> 01:29:43.880
because he was 10 years older than me and he reacted.

1612
01:29:43.880 --> 01:29:45.440
And then it triggered me.

1613
01:29:45.440 --> 01:29:47.520
And I remember coming into the group

1614
01:29:47.520 --> 01:29:50.440
and I shared that with my sisters

1615
01:29:50.440 --> 01:29:53.440
and we talked through that and I processed through it.

1616
01:29:53.440 --> 01:29:55.600
I was allowed to kind of vent

1617
01:29:55.600 --> 01:29:58.320
and just express my frustration.

1618
01:29:58.320 --> 01:30:00.080
And it allowed me.

1619
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.160
to work through some healing and some processing to how do I respond so that this doesn't continue

1620
01:30:06.160 --> 01:30:13.120
to bother me and so I did I blessed and blocked that guy and ladies even like six months down

1621
01:30:13.120 --> 01:30:19.040
the road I think that's when he got completely axed from our community out of all the interactions

1622
01:30:19.040 --> 01:30:24.960
all the inappropriate interactions that he had with the women in our community he came back to

1623
01:30:25.040 --> 01:30:29.840
me and was trying to reach out to me and went through another woman in our community

1624
01:30:29.840 --> 01:30:36.720
to reach out to me to get my number because he wanted to apologize when I was like I'm done

1625
01:30:37.760 --> 01:30:44.400
I'm moved on I'm good and so that's another reason I like that you know when you have

1626
01:30:44.400 --> 01:30:49.840
situations like this like yes there will be things that will get you will kind of trigger you

1627
01:30:50.800 --> 01:30:57.520
come to us Ventum we can help you process through we can remind you yeah bless and block

1628
01:30:58.320 --> 01:31:03.280
like you don't have to give them an explanation you don't have to tell them how wrong they are

1629
01:31:03.280 --> 01:31:09.840
you literally you know I always tell you ladies sometimes the blessing block means that you bless

1630
01:31:09.840 --> 01:31:15.360
them while you are having a conversation with Holy Spirit you're not having a conversation

1631
01:31:15.360 --> 01:31:18.480
with them and blessing them you're having a conversation with your Heavenly Father and

1632
01:31:18.480 --> 01:31:25.200
saying Lord I need you to bless them because I'm done so that's a way of blessing and blocking too

1633
01:31:26.560 --> 01:31:32.800
yes Joanna let's get to your question and then Marisha as well and then we'll we'll wrap things

1634
01:31:32.800 --> 01:31:40.640
up yeah thank you guys this has been really helpful um I was a hundred percent like the

1635
01:31:40.640 --> 01:31:48.080
over sharing um I just didn't even know that was the thing like I thought if you ask me a question

1636
01:31:48.160 --> 01:31:55.680
I have to be honest and I have to answer that question so um I guess my my question is I

1637
01:31:55.680 --> 01:32:03.040
definitely like learned a lot in this session so what would what would be considered like I

1638
01:32:03.040 --> 01:32:08.640
guess questions to stay clear of like how would I know if it's like you know if it's a level one

1639
01:32:08.640 --> 01:32:16.400
relationship that like I'm sharing too much um type thing so level one is going to be just all

1640
01:32:16.400 --> 01:32:21.200
all in community so people that you know you're in community with that maybe at church at work

1641
01:32:21.200 --> 01:32:27.520
your friends community um if you are online anybody that you're interacting that's all level

1642
01:32:27.520 --> 01:32:34.000
one level two is the hey I want to get to know them a little better um and that's where you're

1643
01:32:34.000 --> 01:32:39.440
having more maybe one-on-one conversation than we consider it actual dating if you have a video chat

1644
01:32:39.520 --> 01:32:48.000
or an in-person date and so questions like I I coach on um what all of our coaches here at last

1645
01:32:48.000 --> 01:32:57.440
year single help when that level two is you're getting to know someone I we encourage staying

1646
01:32:57.440 --> 01:33:05.760
away from like the trauma the drama the trauma the x files um those types of situations anything

1647
01:33:05.760 --> 01:33:12.480
that's maybe you know caught like there's a motion there's emotional attachment to some of

1648
01:33:12.480 --> 01:33:18.720
your past in certain ways or even like future I would steer clear of those types of things early

1649
01:33:18.720 --> 01:33:25.440
on in level two you know it's not saying that you're never going to peel that onion because

1650
01:33:25.440 --> 01:33:31.840
as you let's say you're in a level two you're dating you know a couple people and you know

1651
01:33:31.840 --> 01:33:39.280
you're on a third maybe fourth date with somebody by this point then you might start uncovering just

1652
01:33:39.280 --> 01:33:44.080
a little bit here and there as you've gotten to know them as you feel like you've built connection

1653
01:33:44.080 --> 01:33:54.480
with them or you might go into more um you know more details and such as as you're as you're

1654
01:33:54.480 --> 01:33:59.680
growing into getting to know them but I always say you know steer clear of the x files anything

1655
01:33:59.680 --> 01:34:06.800
that elicits trauma trauma like heavy emotion sort of thing if you know if you've been divorced if

1656
01:34:06.800 --> 01:34:13.200
that you know this happens when I think I think it's one of those things especially when you're

1657
01:34:13.200 --> 01:34:21.520
online dating it's it's just there's no manual of how to communicate with each other on dating apps

1658
01:34:21.520 --> 01:34:28.560
and so oftentimes and I experienced this and Bethany I'm sure you did too where people just

1659
01:34:28.560 --> 01:34:34.320
ask why are you single what happens like why did you why did you break up why did you get divorced

1660
01:34:34.320 --> 01:34:40.800
why are you not with your your son's father and that you just get this routine of feeling like

1661
01:34:40.800 --> 01:34:48.080
you always have to explain it and so that's when we coach you ladies just to say hey you know

1662
01:34:49.920 --> 01:34:55.520
I appreciate your question but I'd like to get to know you in the here and now before you know

1663
01:34:55.520 --> 01:34:59.840
having a conversation about that let's get to know each other first maybe in the future we

1664
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:06.540
can discuss that. So those are kind of the blanket types of

1665
01:35:06.540 --> 01:35:11.100
things I help you ladies to see to avoid. Bethany, is there

1666
01:35:11.100 --> 01:35:13.180
anything else that you can think of?

1667
01:35:13.940 --> 01:35:17.520
Conversation? I love that. I would also say the spiritual

1668
01:35:17.520 --> 01:35:21.220
stuff. To be honest, I know. And here's the thing. This can get a

1669
01:35:21.220 --> 01:35:23.500
little tricky because everyone's like, well, wait, I want to make

1670
01:35:23.500 --> 01:35:26.580
sure they they love Jesus. I want to make sure one of the

1671
01:35:26.580 --> 01:35:29.820
things I want to encourage you all on. And this is why I do

1672
01:35:29.820 --> 01:35:33.300
believe that what Jackie's saying is important. Why we

1673
01:35:33.300 --> 01:35:36.540
don't have to know all of this on the front end all the time.

1674
01:35:37.860 --> 01:35:42.020
There was one guy I interacted with. And man, he was a great

1675
01:35:42.020 --> 01:35:46.020
guy. He was a great guy. I kind of had a feeling that he really

1676
01:35:46.020 --> 01:35:50.300
didn't have a like, he believed in Jesus. But I don't think he

1677
01:35:50.300 --> 01:35:53.100
had an intimate relationship with Jesus like before I went on

1678
01:35:53.100 --> 01:35:59.140
a physical date with him. But he was such a nice guy that I felt

1679
01:35:59.140 --> 01:36:02.380
led to go on the date with him. I just felt like it was the

1680
01:36:02.380 --> 01:36:05.980
Lord. And I'm not a missionary dater. I didn't need a

1681
01:36:05.980 --> 01:36:09.020
missionary datum. So I didn't go in with I'm going to save this

1682
01:36:09.020 --> 01:36:13.100
guy. I just went in with the Lord, I feel like you're leading

1683
01:36:13.100 --> 01:36:16.260
me to go on this date. He's a nice guy. I'm intrigued about

1684
01:36:16.260 --> 01:36:22.540
him. And I want to know more. On that date, it definitely like I

1685
01:36:22.540 --> 01:36:27.460
learned a lot more that he just, you know, again, I was looking

1686
01:36:27.460 --> 01:36:31.300
for somebody running after the Lord already, I didn't want

1687
01:36:31.300 --> 01:36:35.020
someone that I felt like I had to catch up to where I was at.

1688
01:36:35.780 --> 01:36:39.460
And so in getting to know him a little bit more, I could just

1689
01:36:39.460 --> 01:36:45.140
tell he wasn't that in that place with Jesus that I was kind

1690
01:36:45.140 --> 01:36:47.700
of running in. Does that make sense? And I don't mean that he

1691
01:36:47.700 --> 01:36:53.180
didn't love the Lord or whatever. And so I use that as

1692
01:36:53.180 --> 01:36:56.100
an example, Joanna, because in the past, I would have always

1693
01:36:56.100 --> 01:37:00.340
like even with the girl's dad, I even gave him ammo on myself

1694
01:37:00.340 --> 01:37:04.740
having spiritual conversations with him that first night. I

1695
01:37:04.740 --> 01:37:09.060
did. And, and, you know, he was able to kind of he started some

1696
01:37:09.060 --> 01:37:12.220
of the love bombing he was doing. He was going on social

1697
01:37:12.220 --> 01:37:17.580
media and like, basically blasting to all these people how

1698
01:37:17.580 --> 01:37:22.820
he like met his wife and, you know, like how it's meant to be

1699
01:37:23.020 --> 01:37:28.580
had this Jesus song. And so I think there's a little bit of

1700
01:37:29.140 --> 01:37:32.860
not a little bit, a lot of wisdom in even just, you can

1701
01:37:32.860 --> 01:37:35.820
have again, those organic conversations. So one of the

1702
01:37:35.820 --> 01:37:41.060
things I did do, instead of being like, you know, what is

1703
01:37:41.060 --> 01:37:42.980
your belief about Jesus? What's your belief about this? What's

1704
01:37:42.980 --> 01:37:46.700
his? This was what God led me to do. So it worked for me, maybe

1705
01:37:46.700 --> 01:37:50.780
it'll work for you. And I didn't ask everybody this just FYI, I

1706
01:37:50.780 --> 01:37:56.780
only asked people that I felt led to ask it. Brian was one of

1707
01:37:56.780 --> 01:38:04.180
them. I said, you know, what is your perfect day? We'd like with

1708
01:38:04.180 --> 01:38:07.820
you and the Lord, what is your perfect day look like? Like, if

1709
01:38:07.820 --> 01:38:10.780
you had a day that you could do anything to spend the day with

1710
01:38:10.780 --> 01:38:13.620
the Lord, what would what would you do? What would that look

1711
01:38:13.620 --> 01:38:18.180
like for you? And I learned a lot about them even from asking

1712
01:38:18.180 --> 01:38:23.340
that question. And there wasn't no like, Oh, you know, right or

1713
01:38:23.340 --> 01:38:26.340
wrong. Or even like I said, with that guy, I wasn't like, Oh, he

1714
01:38:26.340 --> 01:38:29.340
doesn't love God, because he didn't say something a certain

1715
01:38:29.340 --> 01:38:32.340
way. Right. But I just it helps me get to know them a little bit

1716
01:38:32.340 --> 01:38:36.580
more. As far as that goes without being so direct as being

1717
01:38:36.580 --> 01:38:39.940
like, how often do you go to church? You know, like all the

1718
01:38:39.940 --> 01:38:44.380
things we blast them with, right? You know, there are some

1719
01:38:44.380 --> 01:38:49.340
people I have good dear friends of mine, that for many years did

1720
01:38:49.340 --> 01:38:54.060
not go to a physical church. They had home church and small

1721
01:38:54.060 --> 01:38:57.220
group with people. Because there were some things they were

1722
01:38:57.220 --> 01:39:01.940
working through. And so I do try to encourage people to not. I do

1723
01:39:01.940 --> 01:39:04.780
believe in the gathering of believers in church, my husband

1724
01:39:04.780 --> 01:39:09.140
and I pastor, I'm a firm believer of that. But I also can

1725
01:39:09.140 --> 01:39:12.300
appreciate and value people in their process and where they're

1726
01:39:12.300 --> 01:39:17.380
at in in that journey to and want to learn more about like,

1727
01:39:17.380 --> 01:39:21.420
okay. So if they don't go to church every Sunday, like, how

1728
01:39:21.420 --> 01:39:24.580
do they interact with the Lord, like get to know that more? Does

1729
01:39:24.580 --> 01:39:25.140
that make sense?

1730
01:39:25.140 --> 01:39:27.780
Yeah, I like that you brought that up. Because ladies, I don't

1731
01:39:27.780 --> 01:39:31.260
know if I've shared this with with y'all before. If I have,

1732
01:39:31.260 --> 01:39:33.540
maybe it was in, you know, several months ago, where you

1733
01:39:33.580 --> 01:39:37.500
y'all might not have seen replays in that where, when I

1734
01:39:37.500 --> 01:39:41.340
started this community, I was very active in my church

1735
01:39:41.340 --> 01:39:44.580
community, I had been going to a church for over 10 years. And,

1736
01:39:44.900 --> 01:39:48.140
and Bethany, you might recall this in that season of, you

1737
01:39:48.140 --> 01:39:50.980
know, when it was married in 12 months or less, where Jackie,

1738
01:39:51.460 --> 01:39:55.860
you know, felt the Lord talk to her to teach us to prune things

1739
01:39:56.500 --> 01:40:00.060
in our life. Not just like we don't prune bad things.

1740
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.960
Yes, there's times that you prune the dead things off so things can grow, but there's

1741
01:40:06.960 --> 01:40:10.600
times where you have to prune the good to get great.

1742
01:40:10.600 --> 01:40:17.580
I remember in that teaching and in that season, God told me to prune my church, y'all.

1743
01:40:17.580 --> 01:40:23.960
I was one of those people, I'm sitting here dating and wanting men that are believers.

1744
01:40:23.960 --> 01:40:30.760
I myself was not going to church regularly, but I had this community and I was going to

1745
01:40:30.760 --> 01:40:33.560
prayer calls like four to five times a week.

1746
01:40:33.560 --> 01:40:35.640
I was coming in on the lives.

1747
01:40:35.640 --> 01:40:37.800
I was staying in community with believers.

1748
01:40:37.800 --> 01:40:44.840
I was doing all of that, but if a guy asked me, how often do I go to church?

1749
01:40:44.840 --> 01:40:51.080
I'd be like, well, I'm not going at a church right now, but it didn't reflect my relationship

1750
01:40:51.080 --> 01:40:52.080
with the Lord.

1751
01:40:52.200 --> 01:40:59.480
That's the season my relationship and my intimacy with the Lord even grew leaps and bounds because

1752
01:40:59.480 --> 01:41:01.280
I really had to press into Him.

1753
01:41:01.280 --> 01:41:07.240
I didn't have to rely on—and now, obviously, yes, we attend church regularly, we do community,

1754
01:41:07.240 --> 01:41:09.480
we do life with the people in our church.

1755
01:41:09.480 --> 01:41:12.720
We even just had to leave a church recently here.

1756
01:41:12.720 --> 01:41:16.960
My husband was going to a megachurch in this area, and I was like, no, this is not where

1757
01:41:16.960 --> 01:41:17.960
it's supposed to go.

1758
01:41:17.960 --> 01:41:24.880
We've gotten connected to a smaller church and community, and so we do that regularly.

1759
01:41:24.880 --> 01:41:32.560
I like that Bethany brought that up and having those conversations with people and asking

1760
01:41:32.560 --> 01:41:40.680
those types of questions like, what is your ideal Sunday look like?

1761
01:41:40.680 --> 01:41:42.280
You'll learn a lot.

1762
01:41:42.280 --> 01:41:45.600
A lot of times, people who have a relationship with the Lord, they're going to organically

1763
01:41:45.600 --> 01:41:46.600
share with you.

1764
01:41:46.600 --> 01:41:52.120
Guys would ask that to me that weren't strong believers, but they'd ask me a question.

1765
01:41:52.120 --> 01:42:01.200
My life was very much centered on Christ, so when I shared high-level things about myself

1766
01:42:01.200 --> 01:42:06.440
and what was important to me, God was in that.

1767
01:42:06.440 --> 01:42:10.720
It naturally and organically came up, and I didn't have to get preachy with them.

1768
01:42:10.840 --> 01:42:16.320
I didn't have to, like Bethany said, I didn't judge people if they weren't on the same page

1769
01:42:16.320 --> 01:42:18.240
as I was.

1770
01:42:18.240 --> 01:42:23.560
It was just a way for me to discover what was important to me as well.

1771
01:42:23.560 --> 01:42:28.320
That's why we talk about discovery dating in this phase, that you're not just discovering

1772
01:42:28.320 --> 01:42:33.760
more about the people that you're getting to know, but you're also discovering more

1773
01:42:33.760 --> 01:42:39.600
about yourself, and that's important too.

1774
01:42:40.600 --> 01:42:41.600
Thank you.

1775
01:42:41.600 --> 01:42:44.320
Then, okay, Bethany, you did address Julia.

1776
01:42:44.320 --> 01:42:50.040
I was curious too, what was the Mr. Number?

1777
01:42:50.040 --> 01:42:53.040
What is that?

1778
01:42:53.040 --> 01:42:58.720
Mr. Number is, sorry, I'm actually out, so that's why I'm not using my camera.

1779
01:42:58.720 --> 01:43:04.880
Mr. Number is actually, it's like an app where you can put a number in and notes come up

1780
01:43:04.880 --> 01:43:06.280
from other people.

1781
01:43:06.320 --> 01:43:10.960
Typically, it is women that are doing something.

1782
01:43:10.960 --> 01:43:15.520
I think it's more of like a character check maybe, because it tends to be if someone has

1783
01:43:15.520 --> 01:43:20.840
been maybe using escort services or doing something that really doesn't align with my

1784
01:43:20.840 --> 01:43:24.040
character, but I feel weird doing it.

1785
01:43:24.040 --> 01:43:25.040
That's why I actually asked.

1786
01:43:25.040 --> 01:43:26.040
Okay.

1787
01:43:26.040 --> 01:43:31.880
Yeah, and like Bethany said, and I can't remember, yeah, Bethany, I'm not sure when she talked

1788
01:43:31.880 --> 01:43:35.000
about that, but Jackie does address that.

1789
01:43:35.000 --> 01:43:38.720
One thing that I will say, and what kind of comes up in my spirit, because this question

1790
01:43:38.720 --> 01:43:48.720
comes up frequently in phase two, and this topic in general is, we don't want to lean

1791
01:43:48.720 --> 01:43:57.200
on being suspicious and fearful, and we want to use good, healthy discernment and wisdom.

1792
01:43:57.240 --> 01:44:07.600
I understand why those type of resources are out there, because of things that have happened

1793
01:44:07.600 --> 01:44:16.720
to people in the past, but I, and I think Jackie is probably, and Bethany, maybe you

1794
01:44:16.720 --> 01:44:23.680
can even kind of play into this as well, that she encourages us not to use that, because

1795
01:44:23.680 --> 01:44:32.320
again, you're getting someone else's perspective, and again, a lot of times where, in my opinion,

1796
01:44:32.320 --> 01:44:40.880
is you've got hurt people that are not in a healthy space, and again, it's, I don't

1797
01:44:40.880 --> 01:44:41.880
know, maybe-

1798
01:44:41.880 --> 01:44:46.280
So that's why, what Jackie, the way she described it that night on that love seat, so that's

1799
01:44:46.280 --> 01:44:47.760
why I want to direct people to that.

1800
01:44:47.760 --> 01:44:48.760
It was so good.

1801
01:44:49.080 --> 01:44:54.400
And one of the things she emphasized is you all, here's the reality, what we go looking

1802
01:44:54.400 --> 01:44:58.240
for, we're going to find, yeah.

1803
01:44:58.240 --> 01:44:59.280
Here's the other reality.

1804
01:45:00.960 --> 01:45:07.760
If we are God defended, which we are, God is going to reveal things that are in darkness

1805
01:45:07.760 --> 01:45:13.120
and bring it to the light that we need to know about. My prior, the girl's dad,

1806
01:45:13.840 --> 01:45:20.320
God was definitely revealing things to me very early on. And I blew past the red flags.

1807
01:45:21.280 --> 01:45:27.440
So I believe 100% that God can show us when someone's sketchy or they're not

1808
01:45:27.440 --> 01:45:33.440
being, you know, good character and reveal those things. So I believe, like, I know he did that

1809
01:45:33.440 --> 01:45:37.360
for me. I just didn't pay attention. Like I should have. So I want to encourage you all,

1810
01:45:37.360 --> 01:45:42.320
if you do see that stuff, you know, pay attention to it. We had a lady like from phase two just

1811
01:45:42.320 --> 01:45:48.400
recently, like, Hey, this guy, you know, said he's got this porn addiction came up.

1812
01:45:48.400 --> 01:45:53.280
Well, praise God she didn't blow past that, you know but she came and talked about it in

1813
01:45:53.280 --> 01:45:57.120
the community. That's a good example. What Carly was saying, talked about it in here.

1814
01:45:57.120 --> 01:46:03.680
She didn't hide from it. That was hard for her. And we coached her about it too. And,

1815
01:46:03.680 --> 01:46:07.840
and, you know, I do believe God protected her in that situation. I believe God will protect you

1816
01:46:07.840 --> 01:46:13.680
all too. Yeah. Yeah. And just bring it like, you know, again, just empathizing, bring those type

1817
01:46:13.680 --> 01:46:20.320
of situations to us and we, we will help you coach through that and, and learn the questions to ask

1818
01:46:21.200 --> 01:46:25.840
and, and, and work through that. And, and that person that came and shared that with us,

1819
01:46:25.840 --> 01:46:30.560
yeah, it was really hard for her, but like Bethany said, she was vulnerable and she came

1820
01:46:30.560 --> 01:46:35.520
and she didn't hide from it. She was, he wasn't going to do it alone. You know, she could,

1821
01:46:35.520 --> 01:46:41.920
her old, her old self could have just looked past that and just believed some of the things

1822
01:46:41.920 --> 01:46:47.840
that this guy was saying, and then tying that with her own value and her worth. And, you know,

1823
01:46:47.840 --> 01:46:55.840
she's, she's healing through that. And I think she's healing faster because she came to us and

1824
01:46:55.840 --> 01:47:06.320
we were able to coach her and she, she she wasn't willing to just sweep it under the rug. And so,

1825
01:47:07.280 --> 01:47:13.520
and that was a God defended thing because it just so happened, you know, the, the, the man

1826
01:47:13.520 --> 01:47:18.160
wanted to kind of shrug it off like, Oh, I didn't mean to do that. I didn't mean to say that. And it,

1827
01:47:18.160 --> 01:47:24.880
it prompted her to ask more questions and those things got revealed. So we don't, we don't have

1828
01:47:24.880 --> 01:47:31.680
to have that fear that we're going to end up with the wrong person because God is going to protect

1829
01:47:31.680 --> 01:47:36.800
us. And he's going to show us what we need to know when we need to know it. But if you are going and

1830
01:47:36.800 --> 01:47:43.360
searching for all the reasons to convince yourself that this is a bad guy, you're going to

1831
01:47:43.360 --> 01:47:50.000
find stuff. And then are you focused on that and not the positives and the healthy things? So

1832
01:47:52.800 --> 01:47:58.080
hopefully that helps you, Julia. All right, Mariska, let's go ahead and get to your question.

1833
01:47:58.080 --> 01:48:10.240
Can you hear me? Yes. How are you? Doing great. Thank you so much. I don't have a question. I

1834
01:48:10.240 --> 01:48:16.720
just want to thank you, Bethany, for being a being to the Holy spirit today, because it ministering

1835
01:48:16.720 --> 01:48:24.480
to me so much. I was the one who was dealing with all those cameras all week, but let me tell you,

1836
01:48:24.480 --> 01:48:32.000
I talk about Jesus and I don't know who was on the other side. They had to be very, very sweet.

1837
01:48:32.000 --> 01:48:38.080
And they was laughing and they was like, I have no idea, but I know God will get the glory from

1838
01:48:38.080 --> 01:48:46.560
all of us. And I want to say that through all of that something broke inside of me because

1839
01:48:46.880 --> 01:48:56.640
after 15 years of marriage, it was very, very hard to go back to dating and such. It was

1840
01:48:59.360 --> 01:49:08.560
ridiculously crazy, but through like, I had like three different dates and it's over. I am over on

1841
01:49:08.560 --> 01:49:15.840
another side, but what I wanted to say to Bethany is a huge thank you that you shared the testimony

1842
01:49:15.840 --> 01:49:22.800
that you married somebody who is in the ministry, because with all the, what I see right now,

1843
01:49:22.800 --> 01:49:30.080
it's building my face because the reason why we broke up with my ex-husband is because

1844
01:49:32.400 --> 01:49:39.520
basically it was a spiritual thing. I was pursuing God and we was prophesied over us that we step

1845
01:49:39.680 --> 01:49:45.200
into the apostolic anointing for the breakthrough and healing the broken hearts

1846
01:49:47.280 --> 01:49:54.960
and all the hell broke loose and he had an affair and he decided to step out and I had, I am taking

1847
01:49:56.080 --> 01:49:59.920
step in and I'm holding my faith and I'm believing God.

1848
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.480
but for the main, who will step in in the ministry?

1849
01:50:03.480 --> 01:50:06.120
So, and when you shared the testimony,

1850
01:50:06.120 --> 01:50:11.000
I never heard from anybody in actually in our community

1851
01:50:11.000 --> 01:50:14.080
that somebody actually married somebody in the ministry.

1852
01:50:15.280 --> 01:50:19.200
So I'm just very encouraged and thank you for sharing today.

1853
01:50:19.200 --> 01:50:21.320
That's what I wanted to say.

1854
01:50:21.320 --> 01:50:22.400
You're so welcome.

1855
01:50:22.400 --> 01:50:26.000
And I do wanna share too, on this,

1856
01:50:26.000 --> 01:50:29.360
you did not know this, but interestingly enough,

1857
01:50:29.400 --> 01:50:32.680
when my marriage, my former marriage was falling apart,

1858
01:50:32.680 --> 01:50:36.080
God led somebody to come up in my old church

1859
01:50:36.080 --> 01:50:39.120
and pray for me and they gave me a word.

1860
01:50:39.120 --> 01:50:40.880
It was one of those moments that I'm like,

1861
01:50:40.880 --> 01:50:44.600
okay, God, are you like, are you joking me?

1862
01:50:44.600 --> 01:50:47.200
The word was that God was going to use me

1863
01:50:47.200 --> 01:50:49.800
to minister to marriages and families.

1864
01:50:50.980 --> 01:50:52.580
My marriage was falling apart.

1865
01:50:53.600 --> 01:50:56.400
I had a very similar thing happen.

1866
01:50:56.400 --> 01:50:59.000
We both knew Jesus when we met each other,

1867
01:51:00.080 --> 01:51:03.040
but as we were pursuing Jesus,

1868
01:51:03.040 --> 01:51:05.280
our pursuit looked a lot different

1869
01:51:05.280 --> 01:51:08.560
and something happened in his heart.

1870
01:51:08.560 --> 01:51:10.760
And unfortunately he got caught up in some bitterness

1871
01:51:10.760 --> 01:51:12.880
and that just changed everything.

1872
01:51:12.880 --> 01:51:16.040
And I didn't wanna stay there in that place with him.

1873
01:51:16.040 --> 01:51:17.200
And so I kept moving forward.

1874
01:51:17.200 --> 01:51:19.000
It was just creating a bigger divide.

1875
01:51:19.000 --> 01:51:21.980
Now I do think, you know, if both people submit,

1876
01:51:21.980 --> 01:51:23.440
I think that there can be healing,

1877
01:51:23.440 --> 01:51:25.760
but that was never the case.

1878
01:51:26.120 --> 01:51:27.600
And I'm saying that to you to say,

1879
01:51:27.600 --> 01:51:29.440
like when I got that word,

1880
01:51:29.440 --> 01:51:32.200
I was kind of literally like, you gotta be joking me.

1881
01:51:32.200 --> 01:51:34.740
Like my marriage has fallen apart, God.

1882
01:51:34.740 --> 01:51:37.400
And you're telling me I'm gonna minister

1883
01:51:37.400 --> 01:51:38.320
to marriages, families.

1884
01:51:38.320 --> 01:51:40.360
And I just did not, I could not see it.

1885
01:51:42.140 --> 01:51:45.960
And for years could not see that.

1886
01:51:45.960 --> 01:51:49.320
And then one day it was back when I was serving

1887
01:51:49.320 --> 01:51:52.040
with Elevation Church, actually online,

1888
01:51:52.960 --> 01:51:55.680
totally single as a Pringle, totally.

1889
01:51:56.480 --> 01:51:58.480
Not even in this program, so single.

1890
01:51:58.480 --> 01:52:01.400
But I was leading leaders and I was raising leaders up

1891
01:52:01.400 --> 01:52:05.320
and Elevation asked me to help them launch

1892
01:52:05.320 --> 01:52:09.060
a marriage conference for the married couples,

1893
01:52:09.060 --> 01:52:11.000
like to help this group of married couples

1894
01:52:11.000 --> 01:52:13.320
because of the gifts and stuff that I carry.

1895
01:52:14.600 --> 01:52:16.720
And so even though it felt kind of crazy

1896
01:52:16.720 --> 01:52:19.560
because I was literally the only single, sorry y'all,

1897
01:52:19.560 --> 01:52:21.640
the only single person on this whole team

1898
01:52:21.640 --> 01:52:24.600
of married couples, but God placed me right

1899
01:52:24.600 --> 01:52:26.240
in the dead center of that.

1900
01:52:26.240 --> 01:52:28.160
And I was able to make this contribution

1901
01:52:28.160 --> 01:52:30.040
to all these marriages and families.

1902
01:52:30.040 --> 01:52:32.000
And I remember like this full circle moment,

1903
01:52:32.000 --> 01:52:36.200
just like, okay, Lord, I see.

1904
01:52:36.200 --> 01:52:38.180
And that was just the beginning.

1905
01:52:38.180 --> 01:52:40.680
That was, I mean, literally that was probably a year

1906
01:52:40.680 --> 01:52:43.280
or two before I ever even came into this program.

1907
01:52:44.200 --> 01:52:48.160
And now to be where I'm at, it's just kind of like,

1908
01:52:48.160 --> 01:52:51.520
I either just, I couldn't comprehend back then.

1909
01:52:51.640 --> 01:52:54.720
And that's why God didn't show it fully to me.

1910
01:52:54.720 --> 01:52:58.200
Cause I think it probably could have crushed me if he had.

1911
01:52:59.460 --> 01:53:03.440
But yeah, keep letting it build your faith.

1912
01:53:03.440 --> 01:53:04.920
Does it mean everybody, one,

1913
01:53:04.920 --> 01:53:06.700
the reason we don't emphasize it a lot

1914
01:53:06.700 --> 01:53:09.220
is because some of our ladies were only looking

1915
01:53:09.220 --> 01:53:10.080
for men in ministry.

1916
01:53:10.080 --> 01:53:12.640
And so we really had to back off of that a little bit

1917
01:53:12.640 --> 01:53:15.640
because there are some people that aren't called

1918
01:53:15.640 --> 01:53:17.720
to full-time ministry, right?

1919
01:53:17.720 --> 01:53:20.300
And they got hung up on that.

1920
01:53:20.300 --> 01:53:24.380
So we backed off of that a little bit, but for sure,

1921
01:53:24.380 --> 01:53:29.380
if people feel called to full-time like ministry,

1922
01:53:29.420 --> 01:53:31.300
I do believe God has someone for you

1923
01:53:31.300 --> 01:53:32.660
that can run that race with you.

1924
01:53:32.660 --> 01:53:35.540
Especially if you feel called to apostolic ministry,

1925
01:53:35.540 --> 01:53:38.420
that's a pretty, pretty specific area.

1926
01:53:38.420 --> 01:53:40.200
And I believe God will lead you to that person

1927
01:53:40.200 --> 01:53:42.140
that can help you run that race.

1928
01:53:42.140 --> 01:53:44.960
God might also, I want to just plant the seed.

1929
01:53:45.820 --> 01:53:49.740
He might give you a new word that is conducive

1930
01:53:50.180 --> 01:53:54.380
for your new marriage with your new spirit mate.

1931
01:53:54.380 --> 01:53:56.980
Because now that you've grown,

1932
01:53:56.980 --> 01:54:00.700
it doesn't mean you won't walk in that to some degree,

1933
01:54:00.700 --> 01:54:03.860
but I can definitely tell you

1934
01:54:03.860 --> 01:54:06.220
that when I started the journey with Brian,

1935
01:54:07.160 --> 01:54:09.020
God led me into a denomination

1936
01:54:09.020 --> 01:54:12.720
I never thought I would go into you all, ever.

1937
01:54:14.540 --> 01:54:18.420
But because Brian was there and I love him

1938
01:54:18.420 --> 01:54:21.820
and I trusted him, I went with him.

1939
01:54:21.820 --> 01:54:25.440
And in it too, I felt like God told me to go, okay?

1940
01:54:27.020 --> 01:54:28.380
And God has been using that

1941
01:54:28.380 --> 01:54:31.780
and really doing some work in me about some of that stuff.

1942
01:54:31.780 --> 01:54:33.780
And so just remain open,

1943
01:54:33.780 --> 01:54:36.660
because it might not always look how you think

1944
01:54:36.660 --> 01:54:39.660
in the beginning even, but it will continue to unfold.

1945
01:54:39.660 --> 01:54:42.580
Like God continues to show Brian and I

1946
01:54:44.140 --> 01:54:45.580
how he wants to use us.

1947
01:54:45.580 --> 01:54:47.860
And he's even awakened stuff in us

1948
01:54:47.900 --> 01:54:52.100
that we had long set aside, okay?

1949
01:54:52.100 --> 01:54:52.940
Amen.

1950
01:54:52.940 --> 01:54:54.740
I know we're over ladies, but this has been good.

1951
01:54:54.740 --> 01:54:56.940
I hope this was interesting to you all.

1952
01:54:56.940 --> 01:54:58.500
I'm gonna pass it over to you, Carla.

1953
01:54:58.500 --> 01:54:59.660
I love you all.

1954
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.600
Hop off, have an amazing day, everyone.

1955
01:55:02.600 --> 01:55:03.440
We'll see you soon.

1956
01:55:03.440 --> 01:55:05.480
Thank you so much, Bethany.

1957
01:55:05.480 --> 01:55:06.320
Bye.

1958
01:55:07.920 --> 01:55:10.000
So good.

1959
01:55:10.000 --> 01:55:11.120
All right, ladies.

1960
01:55:11.120 --> 01:55:13.680
I just wanna leave space if anybody else

1961
01:55:13.680 --> 01:55:17.280
has anything that they wanna ask, share, whatnot.

1962
01:55:17.280 --> 01:55:20.980
I know we're going a little bit over,

1963
01:55:20.980 --> 01:55:24.580
but I don't wanna leave anybody hanging here.

1964
01:55:24.580 --> 01:55:25.720
All right, Ziggy, I'm gonna take you.

1965
01:55:25.720 --> 01:55:26.960
Is there anybody else?

1966
01:55:26.960 --> 01:55:28.440
If not, I'm gonna take Ziggy,

1967
01:55:28.440 --> 01:55:31.840
and then I'm gonna give you all a quick little activation

1968
01:55:31.840 --> 01:55:36.720
and pray us out, and then let you on your way.

1969
01:55:36.720 --> 01:55:39.100
Ziggy, how are you doing?

1970
01:55:39.100 --> 01:55:39.940
I'm doing all right.

1971
01:55:39.940 --> 01:55:41.240
I saw you do some roll call.

1972
01:55:41.240 --> 01:55:42.720
I didn't get to follow up with it,

1973
01:55:42.720 --> 01:55:45.360
but I saw that Leah was helping

1974
01:55:45.360 --> 01:55:46.600
and coaching you through some stuff,

1975
01:55:46.600 --> 01:55:48.640
so I hope that was good for you.

1976
01:55:48.640 --> 01:55:49.480
So how are you?

1977
01:55:49.480 --> 01:55:51.280
I'm doing all right.

1978
01:55:51.280 --> 01:55:53.200
And that's actually one of my questions.

1979
01:55:53.200 --> 01:55:55.680
Is that okay to use it as the coaching, the roll call,

1980
01:55:55.680 --> 01:55:57.360
or should it be?

1981
01:55:57.360 --> 01:55:59.320
Yeah, I mean, I even looked like,

1982
01:55:59.320 --> 01:56:01.600
so ladies, those of you that are new,

1983
01:56:01.600 --> 01:56:04.280
it's, we post a weekly roll call.

1984
01:56:04.280 --> 01:56:07.900
We will have a post in there on Sunday,

1985
01:56:07.900 --> 01:56:10.960
and so we really wanna encourage you ladies

1986
01:56:10.960 --> 01:56:13.880
going in there and sharing with us your updates,

1987
01:56:13.880 --> 01:56:16.740
your wins, what are you working on, things like that.

1988
01:56:16.740 --> 01:56:20.240
So, and then in there, the coaches will come in

1989
01:56:20.240 --> 01:56:22.420
and will respond to you.

1990
01:56:22.420 --> 01:56:26.360
So definitely respond and roll call every week.

1991
01:56:26.360 --> 01:56:29.680
And then we also still want you all

1992
01:56:29.680 --> 01:56:32.200
going and making posts in the community as well.

1993
01:56:32.200 --> 01:56:35.160
But yes, like, we're there to help coach you

1994
01:56:35.160 --> 01:56:37.400
through things in roll call.

1995
01:56:37.400 --> 01:56:39.720
I mean, I think if you go back and pass,

1996
01:56:39.720 --> 01:56:42.640
there are some people that we have coached you through.

1997
01:56:42.640 --> 01:56:47.440
A lot of us coaches will even encourage you all

1998
01:56:47.440 --> 01:56:49.960
to come to these live sessions,

1999
01:56:49.960 --> 01:56:52.440
because this is where, as many of you

2000
01:56:52.440 --> 01:56:54.000
that have been in here before,

2001
01:56:54.000 --> 01:56:56.560
and you ladies that are, this is your first time

2002
01:56:56.560 --> 01:56:59.040
into a phase two live coaching call,

2003
01:56:59.040 --> 01:57:01.400
we do a lot of dialogue back and forth.

2004
01:57:01.400 --> 01:57:02.560
We get a lot of your feedback.

2005
01:57:02.560 --> 01:57:03.840
We'll ask a lot of questions.

2006
01:57:03.840 --> 01:57:06.380
We want to get kind of a bigger picture,

2007
01:57:06.380 --> 01:57:09.840
and we can't always give all the details

2008
01:57:09.840 --> 01:57:13.240
in just a short little post.

2009
01:57:13.240 --> 01:57:16.480
So definitely come to the lives,

2010
01:57:16.480 --> 01:57:18.800
use the roll call and whatnot.

2011
01:57:18.800 --> 01:57:21.680
But it is, so there's no need to switch to the Ask a Coach.

2012
01:57:21.680 --> 01:57:23.960
We can use the roll call to go into detail.

2013
01:57:24.680 --> 01:57:27.400
Yeah, as long as it gets addressed somewhere,

2014
01:57:27.400 --> 01:57:30.640
now if there's, you want to go in deeper

2015
01:57:30.640 --> 01:57:33.000
and you would prefer to do the Ask a Coach,

2016
01:57:33.000 --> 01:57:34.120
that's totally fine.

2017
01:57:34.120 --> 01:57:35.200
And you don't have, like ladies,

2018
01:57:35.200 --> 01:57:36.840
like if you respond to the Ask a Coach,

2019
01:57:36.840 --> 01:57:38.960
like share with what you're working on,

2020
01:57:38.960 --> 01:57:41.480
and then you can still go into the Ask a Coach

2021
01:57:41.480 --> 01:57:43.440
and get feedback there too.

2022
01:57:43.440 --> 01:57:46.000
So you can't over post and over share

2023
01:57:46.000 --> 01:57:47.480
and all that kind of stuff.

2024
01:57:47.480 --> 01:57:51.480
You know, we're hoping, we want to bring more engagement.

2025
01:57:51.480 --> 01:57:55.240
I will tell you, I'm starting to kind of feel like

2026
01:57:55.240 --> 01:57:57.800
people are not engaging as much,

2027
01:57:57.800 --> 01:58:00.040
and we really want to encourage that.

2028
01:58:00.040 --> 01:58:03.680
And I say that because again, like Bethany and myself,

2029
01:58:03.680 --> 01:58:05.560
we were in the same community.

2030
01:58:05.560 --> 01:58:09.200
You will get out of this program

2031
01:58:09.200 --> 01:58:12.960
what you are willing to put in and invest in yourself.

2032
01:58:12.960 --> 01:58:15.040
And a lot of, it's just showing up.

2033
01:58:16.760 --> 01:58:18.720
Teresa, you're, oh, sorry, Ziggy,

2034
01:58:18.720 --> 01:58:20.000
I want to give you a moment.

2035
01:58:20.000 --> 01:58:22.120
Was that your question or?

2036
01:58:22.120 --> 01:58:22.960
No.

2037
01:58:24.600 --> 01:58:27.760
My actual question is about Facebook dating,

2038
01:58:27.760 --> 01:58:31.960
because I'm starting to wonder from my experiences.

2039
01:58:31.960 --> 01:58:35.920
So I was wondering if any of you have actually met

2040
01:58:35.920 --> 01:58:38.240
a believer on Facebook dating?

2041
01:58:39.120 --> 01:58:42.000
Bethany, Pastor Brian, they met on Facebook.

2042
01:58:42.000 --> 01:58:43.000
Oh, really?

2043
01:58:43.000 --> 01:58:44.760
Wow, okay.

2044
01:58:44.760 --> 01:58:45.960
Yes.

2045
01:58:45.960 --> 01:58:49.360
Because I, from, maybe it is the region or,

2046
01:58:49.680 --> 01:58:51.680
it's been three or four weeks for me,

2047
01:58:51.680 --> 01:58:53.760
but maybe it's the region in Germany,

2048
01:58:53.760 --> 01:58:57.200
but I feel like they're all, I don't know.

2049
01:58:57.200 --> 01:59:00.080
I haven't felt like there's a Christian on there,

2050
01:59:00.080 --> 01:59:03.120
and they're all looking for friendship,

2051
01:59:03.120 --> 01:59:04.280
friends with benefits.

2052
01:59:04.280 --> 01:59:06.160
There's an ebb and flow.

2053
01:59:06.160 --> 01:59:07.480
Just ladies remember,

2054
01:59:07.480 --> 01:59:10.960
there is an ebb and flow of online dating.

2055
01:59:10.960 --> 01:59:13.160
There are gonna be times where you feel like

2056
01:59:13.160 --> 01:59:16.240
it's raining men, and you're like,

2057
01:59:16.240 --> 01:59:18.480
man, I got so many good men to choose from.

2058
01:59:18.640 --> 01:59:21.040
We all kind of hope for that, right?

2059
01:59:21.040 --> 01:59:22.800
Well, they're raining on Facebook dating.

2060
01:59:22.800 --> 01:59:24.960
It's crazy, but-

2061
01:59:24.960 --> 01:59:26.200
And then, yeah, sometimes it's just like,

2062
01:59:26.200 --> 01:59:27.520
it's raining good men, and then you're like,

2063
01:59:27.520 --> 01:59:30.520
it's raining men, but they're all blah, you know?

2064
01:59:30.520 --> 01:59:32.840
Or then you're in a season of drought,

2065
01:59:32.840 --> 01:59:35.240
and you're like, where are they?

2066
01:59:36.120 --> 01:59:38.640
So just know there's an ebb and flow.

2067
01:59:38.640 --> 01:59:41.240
And again, like Bethany shared earlier,

2068
01:59:42.480 --> 01:59:46.600
of course we all come into this community,

2069
01:59:46.600 --> 01:59:50.320
and we pray, and we hope, and we wish.

2070
01:59:51.720 --> 01:59:54.840
The man just shows up quickly,

2071
01:59:54.840 --> 01:59:57.560
and in a way that we are hoping.

2072
01:59:57.560 --> 02:00:00.120
Bethany shared how she was really-

2073
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:05.480
hoping she was gonna meet the guy in this community and I honestly was the

2074
02:00:05.480 --> 02:00:09.620
same way like I didn't want to do the whole online dating because I was like

2075
02:00:09.620 --> 02:00:15.840
no all these guys are coming in my husband's here I talked to and even

2076
02:00:15.840 --> 02:00:24.360
dated a few guys from our community but it was never there and I had to release

2077
02:00:24.360 --> 02:00:29.280
and surrender the pen and I also didn't want to move and ladies I moved to

2078
02:00:29.280 --> 02:00:35.640
Texas so I had to really surrender what that looked like and you know we all

2079
02:00:35.640 --> 02:00:39.200
have this idea like I don't want to meet my husband on online dating I didn't

2080
02:00:39.200 --> 02:00:44.520
want to either and I didn't necessarily meet my husband on an online dating app

2081
02:00:44.520 --> 02:00:52.800
but he was online he was in a Facebook Christian community that all my other

2082
02:00:52.800 --> 02:00:57.840
sisters from this community at the time was called married in 12 months or less

2083
02:00:57.840 --> 02:01:02.640
some of the girls were in that I wasn't I wasn't I was I was not doing the whole

2084
02:01:02.640 --> 02:01:07.600
online thing like I was kind of trying to avoid it and one of my sisters found

2085
02:01:07.600 --> 02:01:12.120
my husband and reached out to him and and we started messaging and doing stuff

2086
02:01:12.120 --> 02:01:17.240
on messenger and then took it to you know phone conversations and then three

2087
02:01:17.240 --> 02:01:22.120
weeks later we met in person he flew to Florida and then took me out on a date

2088
02:01:22.120 --> 02:01:29.440
so that was online it was different online but it was still online I didn't

2089
02:01:29.440 --> 02:01:34.200
I didn't you know it wasn't like some guy I met from this community or in my

2090
02:01:34.200 --> 02:01:42.840
own like backyard like look I would love for it to be but but yeah it's just be

2091
02:01:42.840 --> 02:01:49.120
open and be open to the fact that it may not happen right away you know I have to

2092
02:01:49.120 --> 02:01:54.680
adjust my my profile to yeah and he said that about Jesus because I have

2093
02:01:54.680 --> 02:02:00.440
something with God love God love people but God could be a lot of things yeah

2094
02:02:00.440 --> 02:02:05.080
because yeah Jesus lover I put that on there I mean like I said when when guys

2095
02:02:05.080 --> 02:02:11.800
talked to me about things that I enjoyed I was very open about my passion for the

2096
02:02:11.800 --> 02:02:17.680
Lord I was really involved in this community it like I said God pruned me

2097
02:02:17.680 --> 02:02:23.840
from my church so this community became my community my gathering of believers

2098
02:02:23.840 --> 02:02:29.560
and so I invested a lot of my time and and you know relationships were in this

2099
02:02:29.560 --> 02:02:34.680
community and so I shared that with people I mean I even remember I had one

2100
02:02:34.680 --> 02:02:39.800
guy on Facebook dating reached out to me and I like I used the whole it's a yes

2101
02:02:39.800 --> 02:02:44.040
until it's a no I was like you know what God I will give everybody a chance I will

2102
02:02:44.040 --> 02:02:50.600
just practice getting to know people I had a guy reach out to me and we had a

2103
02:02:50.600 --> 02:02:57.800
phone conversation who was a Freemason and of course I'm having conversations

2104
02:02:57.800 --> 02:03:04.080
with this man about Jesus that man got off that phone call so quick y'all like

2105
02:03:04.080 --> 02:03:10.200
I like and I'm like well like that's who that's who that I mean I love Jesus and

2106
02:03:10.200 --> 02:03:16.680
so it was I mean he did not like it but I was like you know what God's defending

2107
02:03:16.680 --> 02:03:21.720
me God's got me you know I was pretty solid and in my faith at that point I

2108
02:03:21.720 --> 02:03:25.360
had spent like this was probably a year and a half almost two years into this

2109
02:03:25.360 --> 02:03:31.960
program when I really did work through my identity and then like I said then my

2110
02:03:31.960 --> 02:03:38.280
husband came in the picture and you know it was it was done but it didn't happen

2111
02:03:38.400 --> 02:03:43.120
right away like I was in I was in this community for about two years I was I

2112
02:03:43.120 --> 02:03:47.800
don't know if you if any of you ladies got to listen to the love seat from last

2113
02:03:47.800 --> 02:03:54.880
week but you know Jackie let y'all in on you know a little bit of my story like I

2114
02:03:54.880 --> 02:03:59.640
was done I was thrown in the towel and she was like and this was when things

2115
02:03:59.640 --> 02:04:03.360
were much smaller and she emphasizes that she did reach out to me and she's

2116
02:04:03.360 --> 02:04:12.520
like girl let's you know what's going on and as soon as some things broke off

2117
02:04:12.520 --> 02:04:18.960
that's when Holy Spirit was like okay now this girl's ready now this girl is

2118
02:04:18.960 --> 02:04:24.200
ready to let me take over and she's done trying to control it and interesting

2119
02:04:24.200 --> 02:04:31.160
enough because y'all I'm I'm a like recovering control freak like I still

2120
02:04:31.280 --> 02:04:38.400
struggle with this need to feel control like I struggle with it and so that I

2121
02:04:38.400 --> 02:04:43.440
had to let that go and God had to work that out in me God had to show me and

2122
02:04:43.440 --> 02:04:48.760
work that through me and it's a process and so I had to look at things that I

2123
02:04:48.760 --> 02:04:53.000
was experiencing this community as opportunities for that and once I

2124
02:04:53.000 --> 02:04:57.280
finally was like fine Jackie I will just let God do whatever it is that he wants

2125
02:04:57.280 --> 02:05:01.600
to do and if he wants me to move then fine

2126
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:01.920
He's going to have to make it really clear.

2127
02:05:02.360 --> 02:05:05.360
You know, I still kind of like, I'm still going to have some control here,

2128
02:05:06.120 --> 02:05:07.680
but it, there's something that broke.

2129
02:05:07.680 --> 02:05:12.960
And then it happened like a week later, seven days later, my husband, you

2130
02:05:12.960 --> 02:05:16.360
know, sent a message out to me and I was like, okay, let's, let's see where this

2131
02:05:16.360 --> 02:05:20.960
goes and I didn't, I didn't know he didn't live where I was at and I was

2132
02:05:20.960 --> 02:05:28.120
like, fine, we'll just, we'll test the waters and not far after having

2133
02:05:28.120 --> 02:05:34.880
conversation and meeting him, I had a vision, um, where I was driving a

2134
02:05:34.880 --> 02:05:40.040
car, like I could see my hands on the wheel of a car and I could see out

2135
02:05:40.040 --> 02:05:44.000
the windshield and driving and all of a sudden the car started going out

2136
02:05:44.000 --> 02:05:50.760
of control and I let go, like I let go the steering wheel and I remember

2137
02:05:50.760 --> 02:05:55.720
kind of just like getting jolted out of that vision and God spoke to me.

2138
02:05:55.720 --> 02:05:58.760
He's like, it's time to let me take the wheel.

2139
02:06:00.840 --> 02:06:07.560
And I was like, okay, because I would have tried to control that relationship

2140
02:06:07.560 --> 02:06:08.520
with my husband in the beginning.

2141
02:06:08.520 --> 02:06:14.400
But I, God, thankfully showed me that it was okay to trust him.

2142
02:06:15.200 --> 02:06:16.800
It was okay to release the pen.

2143
02:06:16.800 --> 02:06:17.880
It was okay to surrender.

2144
02:06:17.880 --> 02:06:20.480
It was okay to let go of the, the, the wheel.

2145
02:06:20.480 --> 02:06:26.880
I had been white knuckling it for almost 40 years of my life in survival mode.

2146
02:06:26.880 --> 02:06:31.160
I was a single mom for seven, like seven years.

2147
02:06:31.440 --> 02:06:33.240
My son was seven when I met my husband.

2148
02:06:34.320 --> 02:06:38.040
So, you know, those are things that, that had to happen.

2149
02:06:38.800 --> 02:06:43.480
So it is, it's just give it time to ebb and flow just because you're

2150
02:06:43.480 --> 02:06:47.520
not meeting what you think are, you know, Christians on these sites

2151
02:06:47.840 --> 02:06:51.320
doesn't mean that they're not going to show up.

2152
02:06:51.360 --> 02:06:53.760
It's be positive.

2153
02:06:54.360 --> 02:06:59.480
Look at, look at every situation as an opportunity for growth and, you know,

2154
02:06:59.480 --> 02:07:05.360
God partnering with you and you partnering with him on how you can use every

2155
02:07:05.360 --> 02:07:07.960
situation and circumstance to grow you.

2156
02:07:08.560 --> 02:07:12.840
And so, like I said, Bethany met pastor Brian.

2157
02:07:12.840 --> 02:07:20.560
We used to call him PB and J and she met him on Facebook, Facebook dating.

2158
02:07:21.480 --> 02:07:22.280
That's good to know.

2159
02:07:23.480 --> 02:07:27.360
I think a lot of, I honestly, I think a lot of the women in our community

2160
02:07:27.360 --> 02:07:29.280
have had success with Facebook dating.

2161
02:07:29.640 --> 02:07:36.520
I did Facebook dating and I didn't really have any horrible experiences.

2162
02:07:36.520 --> 02:07:36.680
No.

2163
02:07:36.680 --> 02:07:40.800
I mean, did I, did I encounter some guys that were unhealthy?

2164
02:07:40.800 --> 02:07:41.280
Yeah.

2165
02:07:41.280 --> 02:07:48.120
But again, I had this community that when I was interacting with unhealthy men, I

2166
02:07:48.120 --> 02:07:56.600
came to this community and shared what I was experiencing and again, I was, I, I

2167
02:07:56.600 --> 02:08:07.800
made a, an intentional choice to look at every situation in a positive lens.

2168
02:08:08.800 --> 02:08:14.040
Sometimes it was hard to do that, but I was intentional about it and I held

2169
02:08:14.040 --> 02:08:19.560
myself accountable with the women in this community, you know, I allowed them

2170
02:08:19.560 --> 02:08:25.560
the opportunity to point things out to me because at the time we didn't have a

2171
02:08:25.560 --> 02:08:32.560
bunch of coaches, it was Jackie because it was a much smaller community where I

2172
02:08:33.160 --> 02:08:38.720
took in anything that Jackie was, was teaching us.

2173
02:08:39.480 --> 02:08:42.720
And then obviously Bethany and I were in the same community.

2174
02:08:43.040 --> 02:08:44.320
We were close.

2175
02:08:44.680 --> 02:08:50.720
Um, and so I would even reach out to her and a few other women in the community

2176
02:08:51.000 --> 02:08:54.720
and I gave them permission to help me see blind spots.

2177
02:08:55.280 --> 02:09:00.840
And so I know, and I really think this is important to hear for many of you

2178
02:09:00.840 --> 02:09:06.080
ladies is, you know, when y'all come into the community and you're posting

2179
02:09:06.080 --> 02:09:11.320
things and you're getting feedback from coaches, we do ask you questions and

2180
02:09:11.320 --> 02:09:16.640
sometimes we ask questions that will probably like spark a response.

2181
02:09:17.600 --> 02:09:18.560
It happened to me.

2182
02:09:18.560 --> 02:09:20.840
Sometimes Jackie like rubbed me the wrong way.

2183
02:09:21.560 --> 02:09:25.200
So I know as a coach, there's going to be questions that I asked you ladies

2184
02:09:25.240 --> 02:09:30.920
that might rub you the wrong way, but I'm doing it to help, help you grow.

2185
02:09:31.600 --> 02:09:39.120
And so if you ladies are willing to walk through that process, you'll be surprised

2186
02:09:39.120 --> 02:09:42.840
of, of, you know, all of the other fruits that come with this community.

2187
02:09:42.840 --> 02:09:48.800
I mean, the husband, yeah, it's a pretty awesome bonus, but I will tell you there

2188
02:09:48.800 --> 02:09:52.560
is significant more fruit that comes from this community.

2189
02:09:53.080 --> 02:09:58.280
I always share with you ladies and anybody, when I talk about this program

2190
02:09:58.280 --> 02:10:00.040
is the number one thing.

2191
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:04.880
that I got from this community with a stronger intimate relationship with my heavenly father.

2192
02:10:08.080 --> 02:10:15.120
I never knew that existed. Never knew that existed. And yes, he brought a wonderful husband

2193
02:10:15.120 --> 02:10:22.400
with me, but just like Bethany shared, we walk in thinking, okay, we're coming in this community,

2194
02:10:22.400 --> 02:10:27.280
we're going to find our husbands and life is going to be great and perfect. And she shared with you

2195
02:10:28.160 --> 02:10:36.560
about some of the struggles or possible roadblocks that the enemy wanted to use

2196
02:10:37.440 --> 02:10:43.840
when she was in marriage with Brian about their passport, Brian's passport, about his health.

2197
02:10:44.480 --> 02:10:49.120
The same things have happened to me in my marriage. We're blending a family and let me

2198
02:10:49.120 --> 02:10:55.920
tell you, there's trauma. There's trauma with not just me and my husband, my husband and I

2199
02:10:55.920 --> 02:11:04.640
were grown adults, but my bonus children, they had a mother who had mental illness and then

2200
02:11:04.640 --> 02:11:10.720
they weren't even aware of, but they lived in a home where someone was not mentally healthy.

2201
02:11:11.920 --> 02:11:20.720
And then their mother gets ill with cancer and passes away. They were 10 and seven years old.

2202
02:11:21.280 --> 02:11:29.040
There's trauma there. My son, trauma from his dad, biological dad. So we have all of that.

2203
02:11:30.000 --> 02:11:35.440
Then my husband gets demoted from his job just a few months after we got married.

2204
02:11:37.440 --> 02:11:45.760
There's stuff that will happen and thankfully this program, I poured myself into it, got a lot

2205
02:11:45.840 --> 02:11:52.000
of healing, allowed the Lord to take me through a process. So now I have tools when the enemy wants

2206
02:11:52.000 --> 02:11:56.080
to come and attack because I don't think these are things that God's like, here, I'm going to

2207
02:11:56.080 --> 02:12:02.640
throw this at you. I think it's the enemy that comes and wants to just disrupt marriage in general

2208
02:12:03.200 --> 02:12:08.400
and God allows those things that are meant to hurt us and harm us and they're meant for evil

2209
02:12:08.400 --> 02:12:13.200
and they're not meant for good things. He can use them for good. We have to partner with it.

2210
02:12:13.200 --> 02:12:21.840
We have to choose to allow it to refine us and pull out some things. It actually benefits our

2211
02:12:21.840 --> 02:12:29.440
marriages and it benefits our families. I believe my children are going to benefit from it. I pray

2212
02:12:29.440 --> 02:12:37.040
that my children choose healthy relationships from the beginning because my husband and I didn't.

2213
02:12:38.000 --> 02:12:46.160
My husband did not choose a healthy partner to birth his children. I didn't pick a healthy

2214
02:12:46.160 --> 02:12:51.920
partner to have a child with and unfortunately our children have suffered through it, but I

2215
02:12:51.920 --> 02:12:58.720
believe in redemption and reconciliation that God can redeem all of that and so we have to

2216
02:12:58.880 --> 02:13:08.880
choose to partner with it. I've gotten myself on a soapbox and I don't want to. I hope that

2217
02:13:08.880 --> 02:13:14.560
y'all are really getting encouraged and feeling empowered and feeling uplifted because this

2218
02:13:14.560 --> 02:13:21.280
community has such an anointing on it. I've been in this community for four years. Two and a half

2219
02:13:21.280 --> 02:13:27.200
years, a lot of it was me going through my single life and getting into marriage and then I've

2220
02:13:27.200 --> 02:13:32.160
experienced marriage over the last year. It's been difficult at times, but I've gotten to pour

2221
02:13:32.160 --> 02:13:36.080
back into this community. It's just been an absolute blessing to me because I believe in it

2222
02:13:36.640 --> 02:13:42.960
because I've lived it. I'm continuing to live it. There's so many good things that's happening in

2223
02:13:42.960 --> 02:13:47.040
this community, so I just I hope it leads you encouraged and blessed and filled and

2224
02:13:47.920 --> 02:13:52.400
ready to be empowered and tackle anything that the enemy wants to try to throw at you.

2225
02:13:53.200 --> 02:13:58.080
Teresa, I want to get to your question before giving y'all activation and praying you out.

2226
02:13:58.080 --> 02:14:06.480
Phone number after a video chat. You're not one of the ladies that's in Canada, are you?

2227
02:14:10.160 --> 02:14:14.160
I am in Canada, that's the problem. So you don't have the Google thing, do you?

2228
02:14:14.720 --> 02:14:21.360
No. Okay, we've got to figure out if there's something that you all can use.

2229
02:14:23.040 --> 02:14:30.160
Can you, so you've done the video chat. No, I haven't, but I'm thinking future, right?

2230
02:14:30.160 --> 02:14:35.920
Okay, yeah. Okay, just I would say let's play it by ear, all right, because again,

2231
02:14:36.000 --> 02:14:44.960
I was, and I wouldn't, like again, I'm not saying this because I want you ladies to be safe

2232
02:14:46.080 --> 02:14:53.520
and know that you're safe and protected. Personally, myself, now I did not hesitate

2233
02:14:53.520 --> 02:14:59.840
to give out my phone number. I probably should have, but I didn't, but I also

2234
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:03.840
I knew that I was protected and God defended there too.

2235
02:15:03.840 --> 02:15:06.800
And I knew you can block phone numbers.

2236
02:15:06.800 --> 02:15:09.520
Now, I don't know, now that we've got

2237
02:15:09.520 --> 02:15:12.560
so much more technology just in the last couple years

2238
02:15:12.560 --> 02:15:15.480
of how people can use your phone number for things,

2239
02:15:15.480 --> 02:15:17.620
I don't know all the details to that.

2240
02:15:21.160 --> 02:15:25.120
I don't see, I think sometimes it also depends

2241
02:15:25.120 --> 02:15:26.620
on how you meet the person.

2242
02:15:27.620 --> 02:15:31.500
Now, if you are meeting people from community,

2243
02:15:31.500 --> 02:15:34.940
so like I know you had expressed reaching out to friends

2244
02:15:34.940 --> 02:15:36.780
and stuff like that and letting them know.

2245
02:15:36.780 --> 02:15:40.340
Now, if someone in your community introduces you

2246
02:15:40.340 --> 02:15:45.340
to someone to me, that feels safer as you get to know them.

2247
02:15:46.460 --> 02:15:50.140
But by all means, like if that ever happens, come here.

2248
02:15:50.140 --> 02:15:53.780
Like ask us, hey, this is the conversations

2249
02:15:53.780 --> 02:15:55.460
I've had with this man.

2250
02:15:55.500 --> 02:15:59.860
I'm thinking about giving out my phone number

2251
02:15:59.860 --> 02:16:03.060
and we'll help you if there's any blind spots there

2252
02:16:03.060 --> 02:16:05.180
we're like, maybe not, or you know what?

2253
02:16:05.180 --> 02:16:06.920
Let's see where this goes.

2254
02:16:08.420 --> 02:16:10.000
Does that help?

2255
02:16:11.020 --> 02:16:11.860
Yeah, that's good.

2256
02:16:11.860 --> 02:16:13.940
Okay, I really am interested.

2257
02:16:13.940 --> 02:16:15.060
I'm gonna see if I can't,

2258
02:16:15.060 --> 02:16:17.540
cause there's so many women that I know from Canada,

2259
02:16:17.540 --> 02:16:20.260
from my community when I first joined,

2260
02:16:20.260 --> 02:16:22.020
I'm interested to know.

2261
02:16:22.020 --> 02:16:26.100
There's got to be some sort of app or something

2262
02:16:26.100 --> 02:16:29.620
that you all can protect yourselves

2263
02:16:29.620 --> 02:16:31.900
without giving out personal information

2264
02:16:31.900 --> 02:16:33.059
like your phone number.

2265
02:16:34.900 --> 02:16:36.379
But again, like.

2266
02:16:36.379 --> 02:16:38.059
Yeah, and I wouldn't mind knowing that

2267
02:16:38.059 --> 02:16:39.900
before I reach out to the friends

2268
02:16:39.900 --> 02:16:42.860
because I don't know, do I just say to them

2269
02:16:42.860 --> 02:16:44.379
that they can give out my phone number

2270
02:16:44.379 --> 02:16:48.100
or how, but how else do you arrange a date

2271
02:16:48.100 --> 02:16:51.299
or how else do you text each other, you know, if I'm doing.

2272
02:16:51.299 --> 02:16:53.860
Yeah, I think it would be more or less on the level

2273
02:16:53.860 --> 02:16:56.059
of how well they know them as well.

2274
02:16:57.180 --> 02:16:58.620
Like if it's someone that they know

2275
02:16:58.620 --> 02:17:01.459
and they're close in community with and can vouch for them

2276
02:17:01.459 --> 02:17:02.780
then that would be one thing.

2277
02:17:02.780 --> 02:17:07.780
But if it's like, oh, it's my, you know,

2278
02:17:07.780 --> 02:17:11.340
hairstylist's brother, like, okay,

2279
02:17:11.340 --> 02:17:14.660
like you might go to your hairstylist,

2280
02:17:14.660 --> 02:17:18.540
like your beautician every three months or something

2281
02:17:18.540 --> 02:17:21.660
and whatever, but how well do you know her brother?

2282
02:17:21.660 --> 02:17:25.620
Like that, I would be like, okay, let's see.

2283
02:17:27.180 --> 02:17:28.620
Do you have social media?

2284
02:17:29.740 --> 02:17:31.900
Yeah, I have Facebook Messenger.

2285
02:17:31.900 --> 02:17:34.700
Yeah, I mean, to me that's safe because again,

2286
02:17:34.700 --> 02:17:38.219
it's not, I mean, and ladies, I'm gonna plug this into

2287
02:17:38.219 --> 02:17:41.260
if you are on social media, please, please, please

2288
02:17:41.260 --> 02:17:42.980
set your profiles private.

2289
02:17:43.980 --> 02:17:48.980
Don't let any Joe Schmo know what's going on in your life.

2290
02:17:49.020 --> 02:17:50.340
All right?

2291
02:17:50.340 --> 02:17:52.700
You can lock that down to only people

2292
02:17:52.700 --> 02:17:56.420
that you are friends with can see your business.

2293
02:17:56.420 --> 02:17:58.660
I say that because again, I'm a single mom.

2294
02:17:58.660 --> 02:18:01.700
I shared stuff about my son because I had family

2295
02:18:01.700 --> 02:18:03.100
that didn't live close to me.

2296
02:18:03.100 --> 02:18:06.459
So it was a way for them to stay connected to my life

2297
02:18:06.459 --> 02:18:09.180
and you know, their nephew and their grandchild

2298
02:18:09.180 --> 02:18:11.219
and all that kind of stuff.

2299
02:18:11.340 --> 02:18:13.620
But I was not being friends with people

2300
02:18:13.620 --> 02:18:16.660
that I did not know in real life.

2301
02:18:16.660 --> 02:18:19.900
I wasn't letting people in to see that or you know,

2302
02:18:19.900 --> 02:18:24.139
so put that stuff in private because you can still

2303
02:18:24.139 --> 02:18:27.740
Facebook message people and they don't have to have access

2304
02:18:27.740 --> 02:18:29.420
to your profile.

2305
02:18:29.420 --> 02:18:32.260
You can put a lot of that on lockdown.

2306
02:18:32.260 --> 02:18:37.260
So I definitely encourage y'all to make sure

2307
02:18:37.660 --> 02:18:42.219
your stuff is, you know, on lock.

2308
02:18:44.219 --> 02:18:46.379
But yeah, use Facebook Messenger to help.

2309
02:18:46.379 --> 02:18:48.540
Zoom is another one.

2310
02:18:48.540 --> 02:18:51.940
I mean, I like Zoom personally

2311
02:18:51.940 --> 02:18:53.940
because then you get 40 minutes.

2312
02:18:53.940 --> 02:18:57.100
You can't, you know, talk too long

2313
02:18:57.100 --> 02:18:59.139
because I'm a talker as y'all can see.

2314
02:19:00.500 --> 02:19:02.900
So I had that happen on, you know,

2315
02:19:02.900 --> 02:19:04.260
when I was getting to know guys too.

2316
02:19:04.260 --> 02:19:05.260
I had to really limit that.

2317
02:19:05.260 --> 02:19:08.940
So if I was on Zoom, it kicked me out in 40 minutes.

2318
02:19:08.940 --> 02:19:11.139
So I had to be pretty quick in getting to know.

2319
02:19:11.139 --> 02:19:13.020
And then I was one of those people,

2320
02:19:13.020 --> 02:19:16.219
I moved quickly to a live date.

2321
02:19:16.219 --> 02:19:19.780
I was ready to do life with people.

2322
02:19:19.780 --> 02:19:21.540
Okay, now obviously when you are,

2323
02:19:21.540 --> 02:19:26.340
if you're opening the parameters to more long distance,

2324
02:19:26.340 --> 02:19:29.379
and at first I wasn't, remember, I was not moving.

2325
02:19:29.379 --> 02:19:32.940
So I was ready to like, go meet people.

2326
02:19:32.940 --> 02:19:35.580
You know, I was, even if I had to drive an hour away

2327
02:19:35.580 --> 02:19:38.379
or they had to drive halfway, I was doing that.

2328
02:19:38.379 --> 02:19:40.059
I was doing life with people.

2329
02:19:40.059 --> 02:19:45.059
I didn't want to have a virtual relationship with people

2330
02:19:47.700 --> 02:19:48.780
because I also found myself

2331
02:19:48.780 --> 02:19:52.420
in a really unhealthy situation like that

2332
02:19:52.420 --> 02:19:54.820
where I really did feel like I had a relationship

2333
02:19:54.820 --> 02:19:57.740
with someone that I was texting and talking to every day

2334
02:19:57.740 --> 02:19:59.340
and we weren't in relationship.

2335
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:05.100
when he actually did move to where I was at he didn't want to spend time with me

2336
02:20:05.100 --> 02:20:10.560
and then all of a sudden we stopped talking every day like we used to and it

2337
02:20:10.560 --> 02:20:15.120
felt like a breakup for me and I was like and that's another reason why we

2338
02:20:15.120 --> 02:20:20.800
talk about you can't build intimate relationship with someone that you're

2339
02:20:20.800 --> 02:20:25.920
not face-to-face with so yes long distance gets tricky my husband and I

2340
02:20:25.920 --> 02:20:34.240
were long distance but we knew what we signed up for we made luckily my husband

2341
02:20:34.240 --> 02:20:42.320
was working in Florida so every at least four to six weeks he could fly to

2342
02:20:42.320 --> 02:20:48.360
Florida and it was on his company's business that he worked for dollar

2343
02:20:48.360 --> 02:20:52.800
because he was flying into the office there but then there were times that I

2344
02:20:52.800 --> 02:20:57.520
flew out to Texas and he helped fund the cost there was a time that I helped

2345
02:20:57.520 --> 02:21:02.960
covered the cost and so and I was a waitress so I had flexibility with my

2346
02:21:02.960 --> 02:21:09.280
schedule and I had a village of people that can help me with my son and that I

2347
02:21:09.280 --> 02:21:14.240
could leave you know him with family and friends while I would go away and then

2348
02:21:14.240 --> 02:21:20.120
eventually my son came with me on those trips and then you know when my husband

2349
02:21:20.120 --> 02:21:25.040
was visiting he was you know interacting and doing stuff with my son

2350
02:21:25.040 --> 02:21:34.600
so that's kind of the long answer but you know as you find yourself in

2351
02:21:34.600 --> 02:21:39.200
situations don't hesitate to come to us and we will help you through that

2352
02:21:39.200 --> 02:21:44.480
process all right so ladies I know there's like four of you on here I'm

2353
02:21:44.480 --> 02:21:48.280
praying that some people are watching this and replay I know when these get

2354
02:21:48.280 --> 02:21:53.960
long it's hard to listen to the full thing but for you four that are on here

2355
02:21:53.960 --> 02:21:58.760
I really want to encourage you to do this activation and let's start getting

2356
02:21:58.760 --> 02:22:04.440
some more people to post these things it's super easy breezy I'm going back

2357
02:22:04.440 --> 02:22:08.880
into like last week I asked you ladies to show me an activity and stuff so it's

2358
02:22:08.880 --> 02:22:14.040
kind of along the same lines let's again continue to keep practicing opening up

2359
02:22:14.040 --> 02:22:20.320
and getting to know one another I'm here in Texas so we are just now I feel

2360
02:22:20.320 --> 02:22:24.480
like today is one of the first days where it almost feels like fall almost

2361
02:22:24.480 --> 02:22:29.800
like we're still in like the 70s and 80s it was overcast today at my son's

2362
02:22:29.800 --> 02:22:33.440
jog-a-thon and it was windy and cool so it's kind of nice it's why I'm like a

2363
02:22:33.440 --> 02:22:39.800
sweatshirt and at but I know some of you live where like it literally is fall

2364
02:22:39.800 --> 02:22:46.600
right now and so I want to see some you know beautiful fall photos of you

2365
02:22:46.600 --> 02:22:53.240
enjoying this season so maybe it's at a fall festival maybe it's at the pumpkin

2366
02:22:53.240 --> 02:22:59.480
patch maybe it's at a football game so those of you that like our sports people

2367
02:22:59.480 --> 02:23:05.120
like me football is huge down south we're more of a baseball family but I

2368
02:23:05.120 --> 02:23:09.120
still do have roots to football I'm just never gonna let my children play

2369
02:23:09.120 --> 02:23:17.120
football so let's see some fun fall photos of you enjoying this season okay

2370
02:23:17.120 --> 02:23:22.280
let's get active in our app in our community and let's start let's start

2371
02:23:22.280 --> 02:23:29.280
getting to know one another okay sound good all right ladies let's just pray

2372
02:23:29.280 --> 02:23:33.880
out real quick so Heavenly Father I just thank you for this community I thank you

2373
02:23:33.880 --> 02:23:38.560
for Jackie I thank you for her obedience to do what you've called her

2374
02:23:38.560 --> 02:23:43.240
to do Lord I thank you for you know all the coaches and all the women that you

2375
02:23:43.240 --> 02:23:48.480
know show up and and really are hungry for relationship with you and they're

2376
02:23:48.480 --> 02:23:54.960
hungry to grow and and learn how to do things better and how to you know be the

2377
02:23:54.960 --> 02:24:00.120
best versions of themselves Lord I just I thank you for that hunger I thank you

2378
02:24:00.120 --> 02:24:07.960
for the I just thank you for your encouragement and the peace and the just

2379
02:24:07.960 --> 02:24:12.440
the that you're with us that you're walking this journey with us that we

2380
02:24:12.440 --> 02:24:17.280
don't have to do it alone I think you that we have community to lean on so

2381
02:24:17.280 --> 02:24:23.160
that we don't have to do this alone Lord all you ever wanted was family and I

2382
02:24:23.160 --> 02:24:28.040
just I thank you because I know that you have a plan and purpose for each and

2383
02:24:28.040 --> 02:24:31.880
every one of these women that it's not just their love story but it's the

2384
02:24:31.880 --> 02:24:36.680
legacy of the love story that you have for them that is just gonna impact

2385
02:24:36.680 --> 02:24:41.280
generations and it's gonna impact your kingdom and it's just it's just gonna

2386
02:24:41.280 --> 02:24:47.480
bring people to draw closer to you and get to know you Lord no no no thing that

2387
02:24:47.480 --> 02:24:53.640
the enemy wants to use to attack marriage and family can prosper that

2388
02:24:53.640 --> 02:25:02.280
you're just going to align your sons and daughters to walk in the true purpose

2389
02:25:00.000 --> 02:25:05.000
and divine calling that you have on their lives.

2390
02:25:05.080 --> 02:25:07.460
And so I thank you for that in advance.

2391
02:25:07.460 --> 02:25:10.240
And Lord, I just pray that, you know,

2392
02:25:10.240 --> 02:25:14.320
as the speed bumps come and as, you know,

2393
02:25:14.320 --> 02:25:17.720
the triggers come in, that you just remind these ladies

2394
02:25:17.720 --> 02:25:19.920
that they have a community of support

2395
02:25:19.920 --> 02:25:22.500
and that you are walking this season with them

2396
02:25:22.500 --> 02:25:24.360
as you do every season.

2397
02:25:24.360 --> 02:25:26.320
So I thank you for that, Heavenly Father.

2398
02:25:26.320 --> 02:25:28.060
And Lord, I just bless these women

2399
02:25:28.060 --> 02:25:31.100
to go enjoy the rest of their week and, you know,

2400
02:25:31.100 --> 02:25:34.180
get out of hiding, go have some fun,

2401
02:25:34.180 --> 02:25:36.860
and just, you know, spread the love and joy

2402
02:25:36.860 --> 02:25:39.260
of what you have to offer.

2403
02:25:39.260 --> 02:25:43.260
So I thank you in Jesus' name, amen.

2404
02:25:44.380 --> 02:25:46.420
Ladies, thank you so much.

2405
02:25:46.420 --> 02:25:47.580
Thank you.

2406
02:25:47.580 --> 02:25:48.780
You sticking it out?

2407
02:25:48.780 --> 02:25:51.940
This is probably the longest session I think I've ever had.

2408
02:25:51.940 --> 02:25:52.780
It is long.

2409
02:25:52.780 --> 02:25:54.100
It was a good one.

2410
02:25:54.100 --> 02:25:55.940
I'm gonna go have lunch now.

2411
02:25:55.940 --> 02:25:57.160
Yay!

2412
02:25:57.200 --> 02:25:58.920
All right, ladies, take care.

2413
02:25:58.920 --> 02:25:59.760
Bye.

2414
02:25:59.760 --> 02:26:01.000
You too, thank you, Carla.

2415
02:26:01.000 --> 02:26:02.380
Bye-bye.

2416
02:26:02.380 --> 02:26:03.220
Bye.