WEBVTT

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I'm going to go ahead and get started.

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As you can see, I am on location,

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meaning that I am out-of-pocket,

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out of my house, traveling,

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and so we're going to do our best.

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I know that we don't normally have

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these types of sessions on Fridays,

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and we're just trying something new.

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A lot of people are like, hey,

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during the week doesn't work for me.

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I'd like to have something possibly on a Friday night.

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Here we are. If this is not something

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that we think is sustainable for people,

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like you can see, very few people are here live with us.

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If it's not something that's going to work for the masses,

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then we're going to have to stick to

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our Tuesday-Thursday repertoire for phase 3 people.

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There are some exciting changes coming.

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They'll be announced this month.

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We're going to put them into action either December or

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January as far as speaking to the whole youth,

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not just the romantic youth,

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not just the marriage and family youth,

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but the entire person.

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We do a lot of spiritual stuff right now.

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We're speaking to the spiritual youth,

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but we also want to speak to the financial youth.

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We want to speak to the physical youth,

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the mental youth, the emotional youth.

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We do some of that with artwork,

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but we also want to speak to

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other areas of your life that you're going to need to get in

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order not to meet someone,

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but to be able to sustain what marriage takes.

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Marriage doesn't take what it used

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to take back in the olden days.

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I think we're doing ourselves a disservice if we're like,

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well, it's just as easy as boy meets girl,

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and they fall in love and live happily ever after,

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because we don't live in those days anymore.

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Things are very complicated now.

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They're very complicated.

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In order for us to be able to sustain

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intimate relationship in this hotbed of

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culture that we all live in,

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and this generation, this era that God has matched us with,

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we're going to have to know some things.

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We're going to have to be ready to overcome some things,

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not just before we meet, but after we meet too.

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And I think that's important

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as we head into our Love Seat session.

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If you're new and you just made it to phase three,

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and you're going to be with us tonight for Love Seat,

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this is a dating coaching group session.

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So I do dating coaching on this session.

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We do some single spotlights

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now that we have spirit mate match profiles

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that we're trying to get out there.

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We do single spotlights on this session sometimes as well,

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and you can jump in the Love Seat.

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You can ask your questions,

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and or you can put your questions up in the chat.

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I do have a co-host tonight.

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I don't always have one, but Bethany is here,

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and she can grab those questions and feed them to me,

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and we can answer those questions here in real time.

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But I will tell you that I've had quite a few emails

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and direct messages from couples in the last couple months

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that are newly married and struggling, right?

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And does that mean that they got married too fast?

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Does that mean that they married the wrong person?

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Does that mean that there was something else involved

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in their decision to get married besides God's will?

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No, it doesn't mean any of that.

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It means marriage is hard.

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Write that in your notes.

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And I know a lot of you are probably nursing the idea

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that all that's missing from your life

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is the supernatural opportunity

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to meet someone at the opposite sex

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that wants to partner with you.

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And if that could just happen,

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then that's all it's gonna take.

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That's it.

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That's it.

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You know, it's gonna be smooth sailing from there on out.

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Just meet God's person for you,

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that opposite gender person,

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because we have men and women here tonight,

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and it's gonna be just a grand slam.

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Guys, that's very naive at best,

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and it's delusional at worst,

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because it's just not true.

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It isn't.

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That's not the way things are now.

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You're gonna meet someone,

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and they're gonna have some spiritual,

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emotional, mental baggage that they haven't unpacked yet,

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and they're gonna unpack it in relationship with you.

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You're gonna have some emotional, spiritual,

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mental, physical, relational, financial baggage

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that you also haven't fully unpacked yet,

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and they don't even know about.

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One thing that I love about spirit mates

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is they bring out the worst in you and the best in you.

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You can write that down.

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They are going to bring all of the crap to the surface,

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and why is that?

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Because it's revealing for humans.

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It has to come to the surface,

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because when you're with your spirit mate,

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they are going to bring out,

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or they're gonna call to the surface the real you.

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You get, see attractive?

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nod your head, and go like this if you're not so I can see you.

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Hey, also, I understand sometimes where you can't be on

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camera, like Saturday mornings, it's very difficult for me to

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be on camera. I am moving. When I do Supernatural Saturday, my

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process is to move when I'm downloading things from heaven.

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And so I'm walking around like at a dizzying pace while I'm

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doing Supernatural Saturday. I get that there are sometimes

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situations where we go live. Okay. Right now, there are more

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than half of you that are not on camera. But I really want to

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encourage you that if you can show up, I know you're here. In

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theory, you're here, because it's just a name on a screen. We

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don't know who that person is. So in theory, we know that

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you're here. But I want to encourage you to show up. Okay.

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Because so much happens when you show up. You know, we like to

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say around here that there's grace on your face. So if you

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can show up and be seen, I will tell you, we have quite a few

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people in our community meet their spirit mate on these

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sessions and get married. I can think off the top of my head,

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at least six couples that have met in this format and gotten

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married. She was in our girls group, he was in our guys

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group, they saw each other on a session, both of them, of course,

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had their cameras on, and the rest is history. I can think of

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at least six off the top of my head. Now I just thought of

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another one. That's seven. We probably have at least over a

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couple that met that way. Okay. And so don't think it can

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happen, because it absolutely does. And so if you're going to

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show up, and you can have your camera, so many people turn

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their cameras on after that. Yeah. And I get it. If you just

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got off work, you're not you're not feeling the way you love.

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Okay, that's fine. If you're, you know, at work still, and

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you're just listening in. If you're getting your workout in

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the end of the day, and if you don't do it, now, you're not

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going to do it. And you don't want to be on camera working

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out, which we don't want that. I get that, too. All right. So

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tomorrow for Supernatural Saturday, I'm going to be

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talking about things coming full circle. That's the word. I'm

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going to release that word over you and over myself. We're in a

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season where things are coming full circle. And we're going to

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talk about not just signing up, but showing you have a lot of

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people that sign up for this program, but they don't ever

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show up. They signed up. They went that far, but they didn't

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show up. And so we're going to talk about things coming full

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circle and what part that we have to play in that because

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that doesn't do anything. He's allowing ships that you thought

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sailed without you to come back into port, baby. And so let's be

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ready to get on those ships, even though they might look a

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little different this time around. And so we'll talk about

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that tomorrow is Supernatural Saturday. Love seats. Once again,

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it's a mass dating coaching. I'm in a coffee shop. It's very

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loud here. They're blasting music. If you're doing with the

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open coffee shop, keep the music to a lesser level. Okay, people

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want to work, they want to talk to each other. We don't need the

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vibe of music blasting. So that's just a little tip for you

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for your future coffee shop if that's your dream. Okay. All

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right, father, God, we're thankful that we could come

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together tonight. You get to hear from heaven, we get to

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adjust our course adjust our sales in order to go the

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distance of where you want to take us. So I pray you would

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speak to every heart and speak through me with advice and

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revelation in Jesus name. All right, let's take a look at his

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here real quick. Because I want to see if I can spot what a

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couple a couple of people

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can't see a close show without my glasses. Okay. All right. I

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don't see I don't see those people here. So we're to go

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ahead and jump in Bethany. Is there anyone that wants to get

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in the love seat? Yeah, Donna Sanders said she wanted to go

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Donna, are you here? I think I saw you. Do you still want to

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get into the love seat tonight?

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Um, this is my first time. So I don't know what you're talking

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about. I just started face this face.

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Okay, I misunderstood your comment on the post today.

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That's okay. Sorry. Oh, that's okay. Is so that's the only one

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I had from

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a comment. Okay, can you hear me? We can hear you some. But

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you're you seem muted tonight. It might just because you're

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coming through the headphones. Am I muted? No, I'm saying we

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can hear you but your sound is muffled. I did I did a sound

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check earlier and everyone said they can hear me just fine. So

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is that just Bethany? Let me see a thumbs up if you can hear me

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just fine. It's kind of low. Okay. I can hear you but it's

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very low. Okay, how about now? A little muffled and low. How

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about now? Better at all. It's okay. I mean, we can hear you.

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Okay, how about now? Better? Way better. Louder. Yeah. We got

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it fixed. All right. All right. So the way loveseats works for

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people like our sister that was just like this is my first

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time. This is a group dating coaching call. It'll last for

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about 45 minutes until I'm in specific time right now. So if

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you start if you are at started with us at eight, it's gonna

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last until right about nine o'clock. And so we need your

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questions to be short. As we say short, brief and powerful. We

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just need to get to the point. You can't have a lot of

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backstory. Just ask your question. If I need backstory,

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then I'll ask you to give me a little bit more information.

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Okay. But even when you give that more information in a

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nutshell, y'all in a nutshell, okay, because there's a lot of

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people once we get going here, that are going to want to ask a

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question. As soon as they see how we're flowing, they're going

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to want to ask the question. And so we want to make sure we get

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in as many people as possible. All right. That being said, who

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wants to jump in the loveseat? You have a question about

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something that's coming up in heartwork, because something

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that happened to you on a date something that you know, you

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want to answer about about someone that

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we lost your sound.

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Yeah.

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We can't hear you.

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She'll come back y'all.

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If you are wanting to ask a question, if there's anybody

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that wants to get into the loveseat, or like she said,

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even if you have something that came up that was like

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heartwork related, because you went on a date with someone, if

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y'all raise your digital hand, it will make it really easy for

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us to just start calling on people. If you don't know how to

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raise your digital hand, if you hover over the bottom of your

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screen on your computer or your phone, it will say raise hand

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or if you don't see that if you click on the more button, it

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will be there for you. So if there's any people that want to

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ask a question when she comes back, it'd be good to get in the

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queue and ready to go.

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Yeah, I think they're trying to fix the sound on their end. You

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also as soon as she is back in April, I'm sure she's gonna

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start answering questions Gail on that, when we've announced it

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before on single spotlight, basically, we've always said if

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if it ends up being a good match for you, they will reach out to

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you. But if it's not, then you will just get an email

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potentially saying thanks for your email.

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um that kind of thing um and sometimes it takes a little while because we get a lot of emails

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um typically when there's single spotlights yeah so um if they haven't gotten back to

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people yet they probably will in the near future um

244
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all right that was really nice samantha happy early veterans day to all of our veterans i love

245
00:15:29.600 --> 00:15:35.600
that she put that in there thank you for your service for those that have served in any of

246
00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:40.400
our armed forces that was really awesome samantha shout out on that okay you guys can you hear me

247
00:15:40.400 --> 00:15:47.440
now we can all right so sometimes you gotta pivot friends and that's what you gotta do so

248
00:15:47.440 --> 00:15:53.200
wasn't working with the headphones in the coffee shop so now i'm outside in a parking lot and hi

249
00:15:54.160 --> 00:16:02.000
hi it's okay for me if it's okay for you all right and i really i wanna i wanna just release

250
00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:08.320
that over you guys okay i remember i was having some technical difficulties when my family was

251
00:16:08.320 --> 00:16:13.840
on that cruise for my mother-in-law's birthday this summer and the you know the captain was

252
00:16:13.840 --> 00:16:20.480
glaring into the the room that i was in and had to pause and stop and go again and pause and stop

253
00:16:20.560 --> 00:16:24.960
and go again and i just want to encourage you that things are not necessarily going to go

254
00:16:24.960 --> 00:16:29.920
smoothly and if you're the kind of person that gets really discouraged and wants to quit

255
00:16:30.640 --> 00:16:34.960
because something is not working out according to your plan you're going to have to get over that

256
00:16:36.720 --> 00:16:42.880
i just want to let you know i'm not that person try and try and try and try again

257
00:16:44.240 --> 00:16:48.800
right if it didn't work the first time or the second time or the third time or the fifth time

258
00:16:48.800 --> 00:16:55.520
try again now try again with new information my husband tried to come over he tried to figure out

259
00:16:55.520 --> 00:17:02.400
what was wrong you know if he can't figure it out i certainly can't but i we tried something

260
00:17:02.400 --> 00:17:07.040
different and it didn't work we tried something different than that and it didn't work and then

261
00:17:07.040 --> 00:17:12.319
i was like forget it i'm just gonna go on my phone it's not ideal but that's okay and so i want you

262
00:17:12.319 --> 00:17:20.560
to apply that to your dating life to your work life to all parts of your life if it's not ideal

263
00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:27.839
it's still okay it doesn't have to be ideal so if you show up on that date to meet that person

264
00:17:27.839 --> 00:17:34.240
and it's not ideal it's kind of awkward it doesn't go that great um maybe you're not feeling the

265
00:17:34.240 --> 00:17:41.520
sparks or the chemistry that happens so often try again unless there was something so terrible

266
00:17:42.320 --> 00:17:46.080
that happened on that first date that you could not even bring yourself to go

267
00:17:46.080 --> 00:17:52.960
again anywhere with that person because they're not safe right they're not healthy and i just

268
00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:57.920
want to put this in as a little caveat there don't call someone toxic just because it's not your

269
00:17:57.920 --> 00:18:04.080
preference i can't tell you how many people i've coached over the years that called something

270
00:18:04.080 --> 00:18:09.520
abusive or toxic because they didn't like it when they told me the story i'm like yeah that's not

271
00:18:09.520 --> 00:18:17.760
abusive and you just didn't like it that's not toxic you just didn't like it i don't like roasted

272
00:18:17.760 --> 00:18:24.320
carrots but they're not abusive they're just not my preference i'm not going to eat them i don't want

273
00:18:24.320 --> 00:18:32.480
them but that doesn't make them bad do you guys feel what i'm saying right now and a lot of times

274
00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:38.720
you'll start calling something bad because you had something similar to it in your life that hurt you

275
00:18:38.800 --> 00:18:42.480
and so now you have your antenna up for anything that even reminds you

276
00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:46.400
remotely of that thing and then you're going to immediately label it bad

277
00:18:48.320 --> 00:18:52.240
we don't want to do that especially not with people we don't want to do that with people

278
00:18:52.880 --> 00:18:58.560
all of you without exception are unhealthy i'm sorry to break that to you if you didn't know

279
00:18:58.560 --> 00:19:05.520
that all of you without exception are unhealthy in some area of your life you are you're a yellow flag

280
00:19:06.480 --> 00:19:13.120
you are a yellow flag my friend and i love you but you are i include myself in this we all have

281
00:19:13.120 --> 00:19:16.800
areas where we are processing still where we are growing still where we are learning still

282
00:19:17.680 --> 00:19:23.600
the thing that changes us from a yellow flag to a green flag is being teachable is surrendering to

283
00:19:23.600 --> 00:19:29.120
god is allowing people to speak in our lives to check us before we wreck us okay what turns us

284
00:19:29.120 --> 00:19:36.320
from a yellow flag into a red flag is being stubborn okay being unteachable one to do it the

285
00:19:36.320 --> 00:19:41.760
hard way just because we don't trust anyone so we're not going to let anyone tell us anything

286
00:19:42.320 --> 00:19:49.440
that's what makes us a red flag okay anyone can have a semi-unhealthy behavior that can turn

287
00:19:49.440 --> 00:19:57.280
straight up abusive or toxic if they allow it to go unchecked by discipleship unchecked by mentorship

288
00:19:57.280 --> 00:20:00.320
unchecked by surrender do you feel me do you

289
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.160
Got me, do you hear me?

290
00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:03.920
All right, okay.

291
00:20:03.920 --> 00:20:08.640
So if you show up and you're looking for someone's flaws,

292
00:20:08.640 --> 00:20:09.960
you're looking for their flags,

293
00:20:09.960 --> 00:20:11.660
you are certainly gonna find them.

294
00:20:12.920 --> 00:20:14.960
And if you're gonna make your decision about that person

295
00:20:14.960 --> 00:20:17.840
based on the place where they're still in process,

296
00:20:17.840 --> 00:20:21.200
then you're probably gonna miss out on a great person.

297
00:20:21.200 --> 00:20:22.040
Cause just say,

298
00:20:22.040 --> 00:20:23.760
cause they have something that they're working on

299
00:20:23.760 --> 00:20:26.620
doesn't mean that they're not good.

300
00:20:26.620 --> 00:20:28.940
Doesn't mean that they don't have lots and lots and lots

301
00:20:29.000 --> 00:20:30.840
of good days ahead of them

302
00:20:30.840 --> 00:20:32.800
as they work through whatever that thing is.

303
00:20:32.800 --> 00:20:35.760
All right, that was just an extra little bonus question.

304
00:20:35.760 --> 00:20:37.960
As you guys think of the questions you wanna ask

305
00:20:37.960 --> 00:20:40.360
and let's go, who wants to jump in the love seat?

306
00:20:43.120 --> 00:20:44.800
Julie has her hand up.

307
00:20:44.800 --> 00:20:45.800
Hi, Julie, go ahead.

308
00:20:48.480 --> 00:20:51.880
Okay, it's not really a love seat,

309
00:20:51.880 --> 00:20:53.080
but like a dating question.

310
00:20:53.080 --> 00:20:57.080
I'm very like direct and I've gotten some advice

311
00:20:57.100 --> 00:20:59.780
from your program to not just send a bunch of messages

312
00:20:59.780 --> 00:21:01.700
back and forth, but try to get to in person

313
00:21:01.700 --> 00:21:03.140
sooner than later.

314
00:21:03.140 --> 00:21:06.860
And I feel like, I don't feel like anyone else tries

315
00:21:06.860 --> 00:21:10.420
to do that on the male side of things when I'm interacting.

316
00:21:10.420 --> 00:21:13.100
And so I don't know if they lose interest

317
00:21:13.100 --> 00:21:16.620
cause I'm not wanting to just message a lot.

318
00:21:16.620 --> 00:21:17.440
I just wanna meet.

319
00:21:17.440 --> 00:21:20.020
I kind of tried to just say that if you're interested,

320
00:21:20.020 --> 00:21:20.860
would you wanna meet up?

321
00:21:20.860 --> 00:21:23.700
And I don't know, I'm just getting discouraged

322
00:21:23.700 --> 00:21:25.420
that it doesn't, I'm not getting,

323
00:21:25.420 --> 00:21:27.520
not that I want to go on a lot of dates,

324
00:21:27.520 --> 00:21:29.560
but I would like to go on some

325
00:21:29.560 --> 00:21:31.120
instead of just message people.

326
00:21:32.320 --> 00:21:33.160
Absolutely.

327
00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:34.760
Okay, so Julie, let us talk about this.

328
00:21:34.760 --> 00:21:36.320
And this is for everyone, write this down.

329
00:21:36.320 --> 00:21:38.080
We've had this question in the past.

330
00:21:38.080 --> 00:21:39.280
We're gonna have it in the future.

331
00:21:39.280 --> 00:21:41.360
We're gonna keep answering it cause it's important.

332
00:21:41.360 --> 00:21:43.480
You guys, if you're meeting someone online,

333
00:21:43.480 --> 00:21:45.800
cause I'm assuming that Julie, you're talking about online,

334
00:21:45.800 --> 00:21:47.760
like a dating app or something, right?

335
00:21:47.760 --> 00:21:48.600
Where did Julie go?

336
00:21:48.600 --> 00:21:49.720
She disappeared for me.

337
00:21:49.720 --> 00:21:54.720
Okay, so these are dating apps, right?

338
00:21:55.260 --> 00:21:58.620
They're not chatting apps, they're not chat rooms.

339
00:21:58.620 --> 00:22:00.140
You guys, for those of you that are old enough,

340
00:22:00.140 --> 00:22:03.540
you remember AOL Dial Up, those were chat rooms.

341
00:22:03.540 --> 00:22:05.300
Those were chat rooms.

342
00:22:05.300 --> 00:22:06.300
You know, that's what they were for.

343
00:22:06.300 --> 00:22:07.460
They were there to chat.

344
00:22:07.460 --> 00:22:09.000
And I'm sure that there are bulletin boards

345
00:22:09.000 --> 00:22:10.840
and Reddit streams and chat streams

346
00:22:10.840 --> 00:22:12.460
where that's what the purpose is.

347
00:22:12.460 --> 00:22:13.940
Dating apps are called dating apps

348
00:22:13.940 --> 00:22:15.660
because they're for dating.

349
00:22:15.660 --> 00:22:20.660
They are for in-person, you know, in-person activity.

350
00:22:21.960 --> 00:22:24.440
Now, if you meet up with, if you hook up with someone,

351
00:22:25.420 --> 00:22:27.140
I don't mean what kids mean when they say hookup,

352
00:22:27.140 --> 00:22:28.660
which means, by the way, y'all have sex,

353
00:22:28.660 --> 00:22:30.360
but that's what the hookup means, right?

354
00:22:30.360 --> 00:22:32.660
But if you connect, we'll use that word,

355
00:22:32.660 --> 00:22:35.120
with someone on a dating app or online

356
00:22:35.120 --> 00:22:37.960
in some kind of, you know, place for singles,

357
00:22:37.960 --> 00:22:41.440
and they do not want to get together in person,

358
00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:43.840
then guess what they're not interested in doing?

359
00:22:45.220 --> 00:22:46.060
Dating.

360
00:22:47.300 --> 00:22:48.460
Now, we don't have to find out

361
00:22:48.460 --> 00:22:51.440
why they're not interested in dating, but they're not.

362
00:22:51.440 --> 00:22:53.620
Or they're not interested in dating you, okay?

363
00:22:54.580 --> 00:22:56.240
Why would we want them to waste our time

364
00:22:56.240 --> 00:22:58.480
by talking back and forth and back and forth?

365
00:22:58.480 --> 00:22:59.900
And so a good rule of thumb,

366
00:22:59.900 --> 00:23:01.940
now, I want you guys to feel this out.

367
00:23:01.940 --> 00:23:04.000
There could be reasons why your conversation

368
00:23:04.000 --> 00:23:05.680
might last a little bit longer than this

369
00:23:05.680 --> 00:23:08.100
in text form or chat form.

370
00:23:08.100 --> 00:23:10.740
There could be a reason why maybe, you know,

371
00:23:10.740 --> 00:23:13.220
they went on a vacation or a trip.

372
00:23:13.220 --> 00:23:15.020
I can't tell you how many love stories

373
00:23:15.020 --> 00:23:18.380
start with boy meeting girl,

374
00:23:18.380 --> 00:23:19.620
and then for whatever reason,

375
00:23:19.620 --> 00:23:21.180
right after they start talking,

376
00:23:21.180 --> 00:23:24.260
one of them has to go on some prolonged trip.

377
00:23:24.260 --> 00:23:25.660
Anybody else?

378
00:23:25.660 --> 00:23:26.900
Right after they start talking,

379
00:23:26.900 --> 00:23:28.180
someone's going on a missions trip

380
00:23:28.180 --> 00:23:29.500
or someone's going on a vacation

381
00:23:29.500 --> 00:23:31.660
or someone's going on some work trip or whatever,

382
00:23:31.660 --> 00:23:32.700
and I'm like, ugh.

383
00:23:32.700 --> 00:23:34.700
So if they fall off for a little while

384
00:23:34.700 --> 00:23:36.380
and then they come back, fine,

385
00:23:36.380 --> 00:23:38.500
if there's an extenuating circumstance.

386
00:23:38.500 --> 00:23:42.540
But my rule of thumb is that if you meet someone, okay,

387
00:23:43.460 --> 00:23:46.600
online, and you start chatting back and forth,

388
00:23:46.600 --> 00:23:48.820
within three conversations,

389
00:23:48.820 --> 00:23:50.700
you're meeting up or you're moving on.

390
00:23:52.180 --> 00:23:54.500
Within three conversations,

391
00:23:54.500 --> 00:23:56.060
you're meeting up and you're moving on.

392
00:23:56.060 --> 00:23:57.780
You're like, Jackie, what's the conversation?

393
00:23:57.780 --> 00:23:59.540
It stops and then it starts again.

394
00:24:01.400 --> 00:24:04.060
Okay, so if I match with you,

395
00:24:04.060 --> 00:24:05.340
okay, say I match with you,

396
00:24:05.340 --> 00:24:07.560
and we start chatting back and forth,

397
00:24:07.560 --> 00:24:09.700
but then it's time to go to bed,

398
00:24:09.700 --> 00:24:12.260
and then the next day you pop into my inbox

399
00:24:12.260 --> 00:24:15.020
and you're like, hey, you know, how's your day going?

400
00:24:15.020 --> 00:24:19.160
That's the second conversation, okay?

401
00:24:19.160 --> 00:24:20.580
We chatted when we first met,

402
00:24:20.620 --> 00:24:22.180
now it's our second conversation.

403
00:24:22.180 --> 00:24:23.900
And look, if they wanna burn through

404
00:24:23.900 --> 00:24:26.220
all of their conversations with,

405
00:24:26.220 --> 00:24:29.100
hi, how are you doing?

406
00:24:29.980 --> 00:24:32.020
If that's what they're gonna ask you every single day,

407
00:24:32.020 --> 00:24:33.180
then that's on them.

408
00:24:33.180 --> 00:24:34.020
That's what they're gonna do.

409
00:24:34.020 --> 00:24:36.460
They're gonna burn through their conversation, okay?

410
00:24:36.460 --> 00:24:41.460
Guys and women, ask for the meetup.

411
00:24:41.580 --> 00:24:43.300
Ladies, that includes you.

412
00:24:43.300 --> 00:24:45.620
If you're waiting around for him to ask for the meetup,

413
00:24:45.620 --> 00:24:48.500
no, we don't need them to initiate

414
00:24:48.500 --> 00:24:50.900
when they have not met us in person.

415
00:24:50.900 --> 00:24:53.940
We don't need that, all right?

416
00:24:53.940 --> 00:24:57.940
Anyone can ask for the in-person meetup.

417
00:24:57.940 --> 00:24:58.860
Anyone can ask for it.

418
00:24:58.860 --> 00:25:00.260
Like, hey, we should get.

419
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.880
together, we should, we should do this, you know, we, depending on where you live and

420
00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:07.360
where they live, if it's going to be a little bit more complicated, cause it's got to travel

421
00:25:07.360 --> 00:25:12.080
a little bit, maybe they're not local, local, then you might have to make a better plan.

422
00:25:12.080 --> 00:25:19.680
But if they say they're not interested in meeting up, you're moving on.

423
00:25:19.680 --> 00:25:27.960
So by the third conversation, hold on, it's the police.

424
00:25:27.960 --> 00:25:28.960
I'm in LA.

425
00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:29.960
Who knows what they're up to?

426
00:25:29.960 --> 00:25:32.000
Who knows what the police are up to right now?

427
00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:33.000
Okay.

428
00:25:33.000 --> 00:25:38.080
So within that third conversation, by that third conversation, if they have not asked

429
00:25:38.080 --> 00:25:44.640
you to see them in person yet, and you are semi-local, you're going to ask, and if they

430
00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:47.400
don't answer or they don't want to, then you're moving on.

431
00:25:47.400 --> 00:25:48.880
Well, hey, it was great to meet you.

432
00:25:48.880 --> 00:25:52.040
You know, I'm looking to meet up with people in person and get to know people.

433
00:25:52.040 --> 00:25:54.080
You know, I hope you find what you're looking for.

434
00:25:54.080 --> 00:25:55.080
Bless you.

435
00:25:55.080 --> 00:25:56.080
Bye.

436
00:25:56.080 --> 00:25:57.080
Okay.

437
00:25:57.080 --> 00:25:58.080
All right.

438
00:25:58.200 --> 00:26:02.760
So if they're long distance, like it's going to take a lot longer to get in person, then

439
00:26:02.760 --> 00:26:06.880
by that third conversation, we are going to have a phone call.

440
00:26:06.880 --> 00:26:09.200
We are going to have a FaceTime.

441
00:26:09.200 --> 00:26:15.840
Hey, I'd like to put a face with this boy, with this, you know, this conversation.

442
00:26:15.840 --> 00:26:18.160
I like to put a voice with this conversation.

443
00:26:18.160 --> 00:26:19.520
You want to jump on a phone call?

444
00:26:19.520 --> 00:26:22.920
I would love to hear the voice that goes with this text stream.

445
00:26:22.920 --> 00:26:25.600
I like to see the face that goes with this text stream.

446
00:26:25.600 --> 00:26:26.600
Cool.

447
00:26:26.600 --> 00:26:27.600
Good.

448
00:26:28.120 --> 00:26:32.120
Now, for those of you that have not taken the online dating safety, please take a look

449
00:26:32.120 --> 00:26:33.120
at that.

450
00:26:33.120 --> 00:26:34.120
That's in phase two.

451
00:26:34.120 --> 00:26:35.600
It's in those archives.

452
00:26:35.600 --> 00:26:39.080
The team can tell you how to get there if you're not in that group anymore.

453
00:26:39.080 --> 00:26:42.220
But if they try to take you to a different app, they just want you to switch from the

454
00:26:42.220 --> 00:26:46.600
dating app to a different app like WhatsApp or Telegram or not Telegram.

455
00:26:46.600 --> 00:26:49.080
What's the other one?

456
00:26:49.080 --> 00:26:52.000
Not Snapchat, but yeah, Snapchat, but WhatsApp.

457
00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:53.000
There's a couple other.

458
00:26:53.000 --> 00:26:58.760
But if they want to do that, then the chances of them being a scammer is really good.

459
00:26:58.760 --> 00:26:59.760
Okay.

460
00:26:59.760 --> 00:27:01.840
Unless they're international.

461
00:27:01.840 --> 00:27:05.320
If they're international, then WhatsApp is an easy way to communicate with international

462
00:27:05.320 --> 00:27:06.320
people.

463
00:27:06.320 --> 00:27:07.320
But you're going to have to feel that out.

464
00:27:07.320 --> 00:27:08.320
Okay.

465
00:27:08.320 --> 00:27:09.320
Make sure that you feel that out.

466
00:27:09.320 --> 00:27:14.480
Some other things to look for as far as scammers is that a lot of times they use broken English,

467
00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:16.760
but not so much anymore because guess what?

468
00:27:16.760 --> 00:27:18.480
They have chat GPT.

469
00:27:18.480 --> 00:27:19.480
They have chat.

470
00:27:19.480 --> 00:27:20.480
They have AI now.

471
00:27:20.480 --> 00:27:25.000
So now they can have someone, something else tell them exactly what to say.

472
00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:29.280
They can, they can type in what you said and they can have a computer tell them exactly

473
00:27:29.280 --> 00:27:32.400
what to say back and they can sound like a normal person.

474
00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:36.120
And that's why it's really important that you hear their voice or see their face as

475
00:27:36.120 --> 00:27:37.120
soon as possible.

476
00:27:37.120 --> 00:27:38.120
Okay.

477
00:27:38.120 --> 00:27:39.120
All right.

478
00:27:39.120 --> 00:27:46.800
So Julie, does that now when Julie says she's direct, let's be careful with being direct.

479
00:27:46.800 --> 00:27:48.520
Okay.

480
00:27:48.520 --> 00:27:55.080
If you met someone at a party, you know, or you met someone in the lunchroom at work,

481
00:27:55.080 --> 00:28:02.040
some new person that's working, um, at your place of employment, would you ask them those

482
00:28:02.040 --> 00:28:03.040
questions?

483
00:28:03.040 --> 00:28:05.320
Would you ask them those questions?

484
00:28:05.320 --> 00:28:10.760
Whatever questions you are firing at someone on a dating app, would you ask someone those

485
00:28:10.760 --> 00:28:19.680
questions in person that you just met at a party, at church, in the lunchroom at work

486
00:28:19.680 --> 00:28:22.040
or at some kind of business seminar?

487
00:28:22.040 --> 00:28:28.720
If it would seem rude for you to ask questions that seem nosy and seem too direct or too

488
00:28:28.720 --> 00:28:32.640
deep for a first meeting, then you should definitely not be asking those people that

489
00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:33.640
on the dating app.

490
00:28:33.640 --> 00:28:34.640
You shouldn't.

491
00:28:34.640 --> 00:28:39.800
Do you want to have kids where, you know, when do you see yourself getting married?

492
00:28:39.840 --> 00:28:44.600
You know, people ask people if they've ever had sex before on these dating apps.

493
00:28:44.600 --> 00:28:46.600
Get the heck out of here.

494
00:28:46.600 --> 00:28:47.600
What?

495
00:28:47.600 --> 00:28:48.600
No.

496
00:28:48.600 --> 00:28:50.200
How many times have you been married?

497
00:28:50.200 --> 00:28:51.600
How long have you been divorced?

498
00:28:51.600 --> 00:28:58.080
Because these are not, these are super nosy, crazy questions that people ask just to what?

499
00:28:58.080 --> 00:28:59.480
They're just trying to weed you out.

500
00:28:59.480 --> 00:29:02.040
They're just trying to cross you off the list.

501
00:29:02.040 --> 00:29:06.440
And ladies, it's mostly you that are doing it.

502
00:29:06.440 --> 00:29:08.320
Guys do it sometimes too.

503
00:29:08.320 --> 00:29:09.920
But ladies, it's mostly you.

504
00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:12.760
Men are usually more guilty of not saying enough.

505
00:29:12.760 --> 00:29:20.680
Not asking questions at all, right?

506
00:29:20.680 --> 00:29:21.840
You're asking him questions.

507
00:29:21.840 --> 00:29:25.080
He's answering the questions, maybe even on the first date and then he's not asking you

508
00:29:25.080 --> 00:29:26.080
any in return.

509
00:29:26.080 --> 00:29:27.960
Guys, you got to ask questions, all right?

510
00:29:27.960 --> 00:29:30.200
Not nosy interrogation questions.

511
00:29:30.200 --> 00:29:33.600
So Julie, when you say you're direct, I don't know what you mean by that, but if it means

512
00:29:33.600 --> 00:29:36.720
that you're asking questions that are not appropriate to be asking someone that you

513
00:29:36.720 --> 00:29:40.360
don't know, then let's make sure that we don't do that.

514
00:29:40.360 --> 00:29:42.080
All right?

515
00:29:42.080 --> 00:29:45.120
You guys, everyone hates the small talk phase.

516
00:29:45.120 --> 00:29:46.960
Everybody hates it.

517
00:29:46.960 --> 00:29:48.800
Nobody likes it.

518
00:29:48.800 --> 00:29:52.540
But if you're one of those people that goes deep too fast, asking people all kinds of

519
00:29:52.540 --> 00:29:57.640
personal questions when you haven't even met them in person yet, don't do that.

520
00:29:57.640 --> 00:30:00.080
But if you can't meet them in person, it's a long distance situation.

521
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.000
at least have a few fun, lighthearted conversations

522
00:30:05.800 --> 00:30:07.240
over the phone or FaceTime

523
00:30:07.240 --> 00:30:10.600
before you start breaking out your interrogation list.

524
00:30:13.540 --> 00:30:14.920
Okay, all right.

525
00:30:14.920 --> 00:30:18.360
So, and listen, if you get with another person

526
00:30:18.360 --> 00:30:19.640
that likes to go deep too,

527
00:30:19.640 --> 00:30:21.360
and you're a deep person and they're a deep person,

528
00:30:21.360 --> 00:30:23.640
then you probably are gonna end up

529
00:30:23.640 --> 00:30:27.120
going into the deep end quickly,

530
00:30:27.120 --> 00:30:29.400
asking all kinds of questions to each other,

531
00:30:29.400 --> 00:30:32.080
and then usually in my experience,

532
00:30:32.080 --> 00:30:34.440
people either get into a relationship real fast

533
00:30:34.440 --> 00:30:35.280
after doing that,

534
00:30:35.280 --> 00:30:36.600
because they make an emotional connection,

535
00:30:36.600 --> 00:30:38.480
and or they offend each other real fast

536
00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:39.880
and never talk to each other again.

537
00:30:39.880 --> 00:30:41.040
It could go either way.

538
00:30:42.800 --> 00:30:44.280
It could go either way.

539
00:30:44.280 --> 00:30:46.560
We just had one of you ladies tell us,

540
00:30:46.560 --> 00:30:48.560
oh, I really liked this guy and we were talking,

541
00:30:48.560 --> 00:30:50.080
it was going so great,

542
00:30:50.080 --> 00:30:51.800
but you know, I don't think he's my match

543
00:30:51.800 --> 00:30:54.280
because you know, he's not willing to relocate.

544
00:30:54.280 --> 00:30:55.800
Wait, what?

545
00:30:56.740 --> 00:30:58.560
You only had two conversations with him.

546
00:30:58.560 --> 00:31:00.760
Why are you talking to him about relocating?

547
00:31:01.720 --> 00:31:04.920
Why would he want to relocate to be with someone

548
00:31:04.920 --> 00:31:06.840
that he doesn't even know?

549
00:31:08.080 --> 00:31:09.160
He doesn't know you.

550
00:31:10.760 --> 00:31:13.640
When people get to know each other and fall in love,

551
00:31:13.640 --> 00:31:15.200
they're willing to do things

552
00:31:15.200 --> 00:31:16.840
that they didn't do in the past.

553
00:31:16.840 --> 00:31:21.000
Now, the only exception to this is,

554
00:31:21.000 --> 00:31:22.440
is that you start chatting with someone,

555
00:31:22.440 --> 00:31:24.280
you both find out that you're divorced

556
00:31:24.280 --> 00:31:25.280
and that you both have children,

557
00:31:25.280 --> 00:31:27.000
and you both have shared parenting agreements

558
00:31:27.000 --> 00:31:29.560
that keep you landlocked to where you're living

559
00:31:29.560 --> 00:31:31.200
for the next 15 years.

560
00:31:31.200 --> 00:31:34.760
Then that's gonna be like a, ah, yeah, dang.

561
00:31:34.760 --> 00:31:35.720
But then you can introduce him

562
00:31:35.720 --> 00:31:37.200
to someone else in our community.

563
00:31:37.200 --> 00:31:38.280
Okay, cool.

564
00:31:38.280 --> 00:31:39.720
All right, Samantha, you're up.

565
00:31:41.400 --> 00:31:42.240
Hey, Jackie.

566
00:31:42.240 --> 00:31:43.680
So this kind of feeds off of that question

567
00:31:43.680 --> 00:31:45.160
and I put it in the chat as well.

568
00:31:45.160 --> 00:31:49.040
So, you know, there's a philosophy that I had read

569
00:31:49.040 --> 00:31:51.760
kind of going off of that, that talks about three dates.

570
00:31:51.760 --> 00:31:55.880
Like, the philosophy goes like,

571
00:31:55.880 --> 00:31:58.040
if you feel safe, like as a woman specifically,

572
00:31:58.040 --> 00:32:01.080
if you feel comfortable and safe, like, get to three dates.

573
00:32:01.080 --> 00:32:02.560
Because if you get to three dates,

574
00:32:02.560 --> 00:32:05.960
you have a good sense of understanding the guy,

575
00:32:05.960 --> 00:32:08.400
you have conversations, hopefully you get to see,

576
00:32:08.400 --> 00:32:10.320
you know, there's a bit of familiarity,

577
00:32:10.320 --> 00:32:12.240
you get some comfort level,

578
00:32:12.240 --> 00:32:15.320
you can kind of see them in three different experiences.

579
00:32:15.320 --> 00:32:17.520
Hopefully it's not just three dinners

580
00:32:17.520 --> 00:32:18.400
where you're face-to-face.

581
00:32:18.400 --> 00:32:20.040
Hopefully there's an activity involved.

582
00:32:20.040 --> 00:32:21.960
And hopefully by the time you get to the third date,

583
00:32:21.960 --> 00:32:24.480
you get an understanding of their values,

584
00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:26.240
their morals, et cetera.

585
00:32:26.240 --> 00:32:28.240
And by the third date, you have an understanding

586
00:32:28.240 --> 00:32:31.040
of if you would like to pursue it even further.

587
00:32:31.040 --> 00:32:34.280
So the philosophy goes, once you get to the third date,

588
00:32:34.280 --> 00:32:35.520
you kind of know whether or not

589
00:32:35.520 --> 00:32:37.680
you would like to pursue it even further.

590
00:32:37.680 --> 00:32:40.120
So my question is, is that a good approach?

591
00:32:40.120 --> 00:32:40.960
Cause I guess my-

592
00:32:40.960 --> 00:32:42.560
No, it's not.

593
00:32:42.560 --> 00:32:43.400
It's not.

594
00:32:43.400 --> 00:32:44.480
It's not a good approach.

595
00:32:44.480 --> 00:32:46.200
First of all, I want to tell all of you guys

596
00:32:46.200 --> 00:32:49.280
that I've never read a dating book in my life.

597
00:32:49.280 --> 00:32:51.360
I'm married, first of all.

598
00:32:51.360 --> 00:32:52.720
So let's start there.

599
00:32:52.720 --> 00:32:56.000
And second of all, I've been married all my life.

600
00:32:56.000 --> 00:32:57.960
So I've never needed to read a dating book.

601
00:32:57.960 --> 00:32:59.880
And I have never read a dating book,

602
00:32:59.880 --> 00:33:03.160
but I can tell you that all of these dating coaches

603
00:33:03.160 --> 00:33:04.800
are reading each other's books

604
00:33:04.800 --> 00:33:08.520
and they're regurgitating the same BS information.

605
00:33:09.600 --> 00:33:10.560
Okay?

606
00:33:10.560 --> 00:33:13.120
The reason why, and you heard what Samantha said

607
00:33:13.120 --> 00:33:16.280
and it sounds good kind of to the intellect, right?

608
00:33:16.280 --> 00:33:18.040
It's like, okay, well, we're going to give you three shots,

609
00:33:18.040 --> 00:33:19.320
three strikes, you're out.

610
00:33:19.320 --> 00:33:21.320
If I don't feel like you're a serial killer,

611
00:33:21.320 --> 00:33:22.520
this is what I say.

612
00:33:23.280 --> 00:33:24.120
If they're not a serial killer,

613
00:33:24.120 --> 00:33:26.840
then you're going to give them another chance.

614
00:33:26.840 --> 00:33:28.160
You're going to go out with them again.

615
00:33:28.160 --> 00:33:29.960
If they ask, you're going to say yes.

616
00:33:29.960 --> 00:33:30.800
Because ladies, remember,

617
00:33:30.800 --> 00:33:32.760
we don't have to initiate the first meetup,

618
00:33:32.760 --> 00:33:35.480
but after the first meetup, when they see you face to face,

619
00:33:35.480 --> 00:33:37.480
if they're not initiating the second, third,

620
00:33:37.480 --> 00:33:38.880
fourth, fifth, sixth meetup,

621
00:33:38.880 --> 00:33:40.400
then they're not interested.

622
00:33:40.400 --> 00:33:41.240
Okay?

623
00:33:41.240 --> 00:33:42.640
Men go after what they like.

624
00:33:42.640 --> 00:33:43.560
They do.

625
00:33:43.560 --> 00:33:46.160
Once they see you and they like what they see,

626
00:33:46.160 --> 00:33:47.720
and I don't mean just your outside,

627
00:33:47.720 --> 00:33:49.280
like there's, you know,

628
00:33:49.280 --> 00:33:50.720
they want to get to know you better,

629
00:33:50.720 --> 00:33:51.920
then they are going to do it.

630
00:33:51.960 --> 00:33:53.920
Stop making excuses for men.

631
00:33:53.920 --> 00:33:56.160
Oh, well, he's busy and at work and you know,

632
00:33:56.160 --> 00:33:57.000
this and that.

633
00:33:57.000 --> 00:33:57.840
No, no, no, no, no.

634
00:33:57.840 --> 00:33:59.040
That's not how guys are.

635
00:33:59.040 --> 00:34:00.040
That's not how they are.

636
00:34:00.040 --> 00:34:01.240
That's how women sometimes are,

637
00:34:01.240 --> 00:34:02.240
but that's not how guys are.

638
00:34:02.240 --> 00:34:05.880
And so the reason why I don't agree with the three date rule

639
00:34:05.880 --> 00:34:09.400
is because it may take you more than three dates

640
00:34:09.400 --> 00:34:10.960
to find out who this person is.

641
00:34:13.199 --> 00:34:16.600
They might not be someone who opens up really quickly.

642
00:34:16.600 --> 00:34:21.600
So instead of giving it a three date maximum,

643
00:34:22.920 --> 00:34:25.280
let it be it's a yes until it's a no.

644
00:34:25.280 --> 00:34:26.560
That's my rule.

645
00:34:26.560 --> 00:34:29.520
It's a yes until it's a no.

646
00:34:29.520 --> 00:34:31.880
And I want to tell you the reason why a lot of people

647
00:34:31.880 --> 00:34:34.000
want to be able to check them off the list

648
00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:35.280
or weed them out after three days.

649
00:34:35.280 --> 00:34:36.880
Yeah, I didn't feel anything.

650
00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:37.719
They're okay.

651
00:34:37.719 --> 00:34:38.560
They're nice.

652
00:34:38.560 --> 00:34:39.600
We had an okay time.

653
00:34:39.600 --> 00:34:41.120
There wasn't any chemistry though.

654
00:34:41.120 --> 00:34:41.960
Blah, blah, blah.

655
00:34:41.960 --> 00:34:42.800
It wasn't my ideal.

656
00:34:42.800 --> 00:34:44.000
I thought I'd feel something by now.

657
00:34:44.000 --> 00:34:44.880
And if I don't feel anything,

658
00:34:44.880 --> 00:34:46.320
then they must not be the person.

659
00:34:46.320 --> 00:34:48.080
The reason why that doesn't work

660
00:34:48.080 --> 00:34:50.560
is because people got a lot of stuff.

661
00:34:50.560 --> 00:34:51.400
Okay?

662
00:34:51.920 --> 00:34:52.760
I can't tell you how many people

663
00:34:52.760 --> 00:34:55.159
that have had success in this community

664
00:34:55.159 --> 00:34:56.760
because they gave the person a chance.

665
00:34:56.760 --> 00:34:58.720
And another reason why people are trying to,

666
00:34:58.720 --> 00:35:00.440
you know, turn them and burn them.

667
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.240
quick is because you have the idea that you can only date one person at a time and it's

668
00:35:04.240 --> 00:35:05.240
not true.

669
00:35:05.240 --> 00:35:08.640
Please don't date one person at a time.

670
00:35:08.640 --> 00:35:09.640
Don't.

671
00:35:09.640 --> 00:35:11.860
Get to know a variety of people.

672
00:35:11.860 --> 00:35:14.480
If you have options, take those options.

673
00:35:14.480 --> 00:35:19.440
And then you won't be trying to cross someone off your roster so fast.

674
00:35:19.440 --> 00:35:22.400
The reason why people are trying to cross people off their roster so fast is because

675
00:35:22.400 --> 00:35:25.840
they have the idea that they can only have one person on the roster at a time.

676
00:35:25.840 --> 00:35:30.320
And so if I'm not feeling like super connected to you right away, then I'm going to want

677
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:33.800
to go ahead and check you off the list really quickly so I can get someone in to take your

678
00:35:33.800 --> 00:35:37.920
place that I might be connected to because it doesn't work like that.

679
00:35:37.920 --> 00:35:43.240
First of all, see getting to know all people as a privilege and an honor.

680
00:35:43.240 --> 00:35:48.560
Start approaching quote unquote dating as getting to know other human beings and what

681
00:35:48.560 --> 00:35:52.760
an honor and what a privilege to be able to cross paths on this earth and in this life

682
00:35:52.760 --> 00:35:53.760
with each other.

683
00:35:54.440 --> 00:35:57.000
And if they end up being your spirit mate, awesome.

684
00:35:57.000 --> 00:36:00.000
And if they don't, awesome.

685
00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:03.000
That's okay.

686
00:36:03.000 --> 00:36:04.360
I'm trying to mute Rachel.

687
00:36:04.360 --> 00:36:05.360
It's not muting.

688
00:36:05.360 --> 00:36:06.360
Okay.

689
00:36:06.360 --> 00:36:07.360
There's background noise there.

690
00:36:07.360 --> 00:36:10.280
Make sure you guys stay muted unless you're actually talking to me.

691
00:36:10.280 --> 00:36:11.280
Okay.

692
00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:14.680
And so no, be careful with these dating books, y'all.

693
00:36:14.680 --> 00:36:19.000
They're going to keep you single with all these rules.

694
00:36:19.680 --> 00:36:20.680
Okay.

695
00:36:20.680 --> 00:36:26.400
The rule is, the only rule is that it's a yes until it's a no.

696
00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:32.280
If it does not, if it's not a no, if it's not a hard pass, if it's not a, uh, no, I,

697
00:36:32.280 --> 00:36:35.960
you know, this person, like some of the things that can make it become a no is this person's

698
00:36:35.960 --> 00:36:39.480
getting real serious about you and you're not ready for that.

699
00:36:39.480 --> 00:36:44.760
Then what you do is you set a boundary and you let them know, hey, I'm in a discovery

700
00:36:44.760 --> 00:36:46.760
phase of my life right now.

701
00:36:46.760 --> 00:36:51.240
I just got divorced two years ago, or I've never been in a serious relationship before.

702
00:36:51.240 --> 00:36:56.760
I'm trying to really see, you know, what it's like out here and, you know, want to meet

703
00:36:56.760 --> 00:36:59.180
people and want to get to know people.

704
00:36:59.180 --> 00:37:03.840
And I'm interested in getting to know you more, but I don't want to feel pushed.

705
00:37:03.840 --> 00:37:08.960
I don't want to feel like this relationship is accelerated into a romantic relationship.

706
00:37:08.960 --> 00:37:14.160
And listen, if they back off the falling in love with you and you still want to hang out

707
00:37:14.160 --> 00:37:17.120
with them because it's not a no yet, then do it.

708
00:37:17.120 --> 00:37:21.760
But don't be afraid to use your words to set boundaries as someone starts going too fast.

709
00:37:21.760 --> 00:37:22.760
Set the pace.

710
00:37:22.760 --> 00:37:27.240
Gentlemen, I would love for you to be setting the pace, but ladies, if you have to set the

711
00:37:27.240 --> 00:37:31.720
pace because someone's convinced that you're their wife already and they're, they're using

712
00:37:31.720 --> 00:37:36.240
that kind of language towards you, don't immediately put them in the narcissist bucket.

713
00:37:36.240 --> 00:37:37.400
Oh, they're a love bomber.

714
00:37:37.400 --> 00:37:38.400
They're a narcissist.

715
00:37:38.400 --> 00:37:42.560
No, they could just have some anxious attachment.

716
00:37:42.560 --> 00:37:45.080
And like I said, everyone has yellow flags.

717
00:37:45.080 --> 00:37:49.440
There have been plenty of people with anxious attachment that have met and escalated their

718
00:37:49.440 --> 00:37:54.720
emotions very quickly for the other person because of, you know, some deficits in themselves,

719
00:37:54.720 --> 00:37:57.600
but are happily married.

720
00:37:57.600 --> 00:38:01.880
Do not think that people with avoidant or anxious attachment do not get happily married

721
00:38:01.880 --> 00:38:04.120
the same as secure attachers.

722
00:38:04.120 --> 00:38:05.660
They do.

723
00:38:05.660 --> 00:38:07.040
I'm an avoidant attacher.

724
00:38:07.040 --> 00:38:10.240
I'm happily married for 17 years.

725
00:38:10.240 --> 00:38:11.240
Okay.

726
00:38:11.240 --> 00:38:15.600
And so let's stop trying to categorize people and especially try to immediately when we

727
00:38:15.600 --> 00:38:20.040
see anything that we don't like or that we think is unhealthy or doesn't line up to all

728
00:38:20.040 --> 00:38:25.200
the psycho babble that we heard on TikTok, that we put them in the narcissist bucket.

729
00:38:25.200 --> 00:38:26.200
Let's not do that.

730
00:38:26.200 --> 00:38:27.200
All right.

731
00:38:27.200 --> 00:38:31.400
That was a long answer to a question that I think is important though.

732
00:38:31.400 --> 00:38:39.160
Once again, be careful to what kind of philosophies that you align to out there because once again,

733
00:38:39.160 --> 00:38:43.440
those philosophies a lot of times are based on you only getting to know one person at

734
00:38:43.440 --> 00:38:44.560
a time.

735
00:38:44.560 --> 00:38:45.880
And I think that that's weird.

736
00:38:45.880 --> 00:38:48.960
Are you only allowed to have one friend?

737
00:38:48.960 --> 00:38:52.000
Raise your hand if you can only have one friend at a time.

738
00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:53.000
That's it.

739
00:38:53.000 --> 00:38:56.240
That one friend, you give them all your attention.

740
00:38:56.240 --> 00:38:57.920
You don't want any other friends.

741
00:38:57.920 --> 00:39:00.120
If they get another friend, you get mad at them.

742
00:39:00.120 --> 00:39:05.200
It's like they're cheating on you because they have another friend and they're doing

743
00:39:05.200 --> 00:39:09.080
things with that other friend and they're not doing everything with you.

744
00:39:09.080 --> 00:39:10.080
Raise your hand if that's you.

745
00:39:10.080 --> 00:39:11.080
Come on.

746
00:39:11.080 --> 00:39:12.080
Just be honest.

747
00:39:12.080 --> 00:39:15.080
If that's you, you're codependent.

748
00:39:15.080 --> 00:39:16.080
Let's figure it out together.

749
00:39:16.080 --> 00:39:20.160
Let's figure it out.

750
00:39:20.160 --> 00:39:21.400
That's your yellow flag.

751
00:39:21.400 --> 00:39:24.040
That's your toxic trait, right?

752
00:39:24.040 --> 00:39:25.840
So let's figure it out together.

753
00:39:25.840 --> 00:39:26.840
No.

754
00:39:26.840 --> 00:39:30.360
For most of you, you're either not like that or you're not going to admit that you're like

755
00:39:30.360 --> 00:39:33.360
that because you know that it's not ideal.

756
00:39:33.360 --> 00:39:34.360
It's not healthy.

757
00:39:34.360 --> 00:39:36.600
It's not the healthiest version of you.

758
00:39:36.600 --> 00:39:39.040
And so the same thing with getting to know people.

759
00:39:39.040 --> 00:39:40.240
I get it.

760
00:39:40.240 --> 00:39:43.080
If you're making out with everyone that you're going on a date with and you're having sex

761
00:39:43.080 --> 00:39:45.840
with everyone you're going on a date with, then I guess you better keep it to one person

762
00:39:45.840 --> 00:39:46.840
at a time.

763
00:39:46.840 --> 00:39:50.400
But that's not what we're doing out here.

764
00:39:50.400 --> 00:39:52.560
We're just out here.

765
00:39:52.560 --> 00:39:53.560
Low stakes.

766
00:39:53.560 --> 00:39:54.560
You guys, I talked to a single pastor.

767
00:39:54.560 --> 00:39:58.840
The reason why I'm in the area that I'm in right now is because I met with a pastor,

768
00:39:58.840 --> 00:40:00.080
a single pastor of a big church.

769
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.240
church, medium-sized church, here in West L.A. Going to be doing some stuff together.

770
00:40:06.240 --> 00:40:10.880
You guys, I'm very excited about the things that are coming for our movement with different

771
00:40:10.880 --> 00:40:18.320
pastors in Jersey, New York City, Los Angeles, Austin, Dallas, all kinds of fun things, guys.

772
00:40:18.320 --> 00:40:23.880
But he's single, and we were talking about his whole church is full of single people.

773
00:40:23.880 --> 00:40:31.200
And we're talking about how men especially get very intimidated by the church culture

774
00:40:31.200 --> 00:40:39.680
of you cannot get to know someone unless you're going to marry them, right?

775
00:40:39.680 --> 00:40:45.160
People want there to be an emphasis on commitment from day one as Christian singles trying to

776
00:40:45.160 --> 00:40:46.160
get to know each other.

777
00:40:46.160 --> 00:40:47.480
You guys, that is very unrealistic.

778
00:40:47.480 --> 00:40:51.200
Out of all the love stories that I've had a front-row seat to, I can tell you that nine

779
00:40:51.200 --> 00:40:55.000
out of ten of them did not know that this was their spouse when they first started hanging

780
00:40:55.000 --> 00:40:56.000
out with them.

781
00:40:56.000 --> 00:40:57.000
They did not know.

782
00:40:57.000 --> 00:40:58.560
And I'm talking about the men.

783
00:40:58.560 --> 00:41:01.760
They did not know, okay?

784
00:41:01.760 --> 00:41:06.440
Please do not expect people to know right away, and do not put emphasis on whether or

785
00:41:06.440 --> 00:41:11.800
not if they know or don't know that that's not God's pick for you, okay?

786
00:41:11.800 --> 00:41:15.880
We're not going to—we'll unpack that on a different call, but that's not the way this

787
00:41:15.880 --> 00:41:16.880
works.

788
00:41:16.880 --> 00:41:19.980
Okay, next question.

789
00:41:19.980 --> 00:41:20.980
Someone had their hand up.

790
00:41:20.980 --> 00:41:21.980
Who was it?

791
00:41:21.980 --> 00:41:23.660
Thanks for the feedback, Jackie.

792
00:41:23.660 --> 00:41:25.380
Yeah, you're welcome, Samantha.

793
00:41:25.380 --> 00:41:29.020
And once again, I'm not throwing—don't even tell us the name of the book or the dating

794
00:41:29.020 --> 00:41:31.060
coach because I'm not throwing them under the bus.

795
00:41:31.060 --> 00:41:32.060
All I'm saying is that—

796
00:41:32.060 --> 00:41:33.060
Not at all.

797
00:41:33.060 --> 00:41:36.740
There's a lot of rhetoric out there, but I do appreciate your feedback, and so thanks

798
00:41:36.740 --> 00:41:39.500
for the shared space.

799
00:41:39.500 --> 00:41:40.500
Appreciate it.

800
00:41:40.500 --> 00:41:43.260
Okay, so make sure you give them that fourth date, Samantha, because you never know.

801
00:41:43.260 --> 00:41:44.260
That could be the one.

802
00:41:44.260 --> 00:41:45.260
That could be the winner, that fourth date.

803
00:41:45.260 --> 00:41:46.260
You got it.

804
00:41:46.260 --> 00:41:47.260
All right, keep going.

805
00:41:47.260 --> 00:41:48.260
Let's go.

806
00:41:48.540 --> 00:41:51.540
Suzy, I don't know if that's how you say your name.

807
00:41:51.540 --> 00:41:52.540
Yes.

808
00:41:52.540 --> 00:41:53.540
Go ahead.

809
00:41:53.540 --> 00:41:54.540
That's correct, Suzy.

810
00:41:54.540 --> 00:41:55.540
Suzy.

811
00:41:55.540 --> 00:41:56.540
Good evening.

812
00:41:56.540 --> 00:42:07.060
I have a question in regards to how much communication would be appropriate when you meet someone

813
00:42:07.060 --> 00:42:13.380
face-to-face after the first date, and they seem to be interested.

814
00:42:13.380 --> 00:42:14.740
What would be appropriate?

815
00:42:14.740 --> 00:42:20.740
The reason I'm asking is because I met someone after chatting with them for maybe a couple

816
00:42:20.740 --> 00:42:21.740
of days.

817
00:42:21.740 --> 00:42:22.740
We met in person.

818
00:42:22.740 --> 00:42:28.980
The first day was like three hours, and after the first date, the next day we talked for

819
00:42:28.980 --> 00:42:30.740
like almost three hours.

820
00:42:30.740 --> 00:42:31.740
Yeah.

821
00:42:31.740 --> 00:42:35.420
Well, I have videos on this in phase two, and you should have seen those before you

822
00:42:35.420 --> 00:42:36.660
got to phase three.

823
00:42:36.660 --> 00:42:37.660
I did.

824
00:42:37.660 --> 00:42:42.340
I don't like to make rules, you guys, so all of these things, okay, it's a yes until it's

825
00:42:42.340 --> 00:42:43.340
a no, all of it.

826
00:42:43.340 --> 00:42:44.780
These are just kind of pro tips.

827
00:42:44.780 --> 00:42:49.180
These are just kind of guidelines, and hopefully they'll help you.

828
00:42:49.180 --> 00:42:54.260
I do believe that every love story is different and unique, and so if you don't do things

829
00:42:54.260 --> 00:43:00.340
exactly like what we're telling you to do and it turns into a love story, great, awesome.

830
00:43:00.340 --> 00:43:06.420
Once again, we give this advice, this wise advice and counsel based on just once again

831
00:43:06.420 --> 00:43:10.500
having a front row seat to hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of love stories, okay?

832
00:43:10.500 --> 00:43:14.060
So, to answer Suze's, Suze, Suze?

833
00:43:14.060 --> 00:43:15.060
Suzie.

834
00:43:15.060 --> 00:43:16.060
Suzie.

835
00:43:16.060 --> 00:43:23.020
To answer her question, if you're talking for hours and hours, guess what you're going

836
00:43:23.020 --> 00:43:24.020
to probably do?

837
00:43:24.020 --> 00:43:27.500
You're going to probably tell someone a whole bunch of stuff that they don't need to know

838
00:43:27.500 --> 00:43:28.500
about you yet.

839
00:43:28.500 --> 00:43:35.860
I don't know about you guys, but I can't talk just on light subjects for three hours, right?

840
00:43:36.860 --> 00:43:38.460
We're talking about our childhood.

841
00:43:38.460 --> 00:43:40.620
We're deep diving into how we feel about things.

842
00:43:40.620 --> 00:43:45.140
We're talking about pop culture and events, and we're deep diving into our opinions and

843
00:43:45.140 --> 00:43:46.380
all kinds of different things.

844
00:43:46.380 --> 00:43:51.440
I mean, that's what we're doing, and what's happening there is if we don't end up offending

845
00:43:51.440 --> 00:43:57.020
and triggering each other with that three-hour conversation, we are creating like an emotional

846
00:43:57.020 --> 00:43:58.020
bond, right?

847
00:43:58.020 --> 00:44:03.380
It starts to feel like we know this person so well, and so look, like I said, everyone

848
00:44:03.380 --> 00:44:05.220
hates the small talk phase.

849
00:44:06.140 --> 00:44:09.820
I used to give people like a time limit, like, hey, don't talk on the phone for longer than

850
00:44:09.820 --> 00:44:11.540
an hour.

851
00:44:11.540 --> 00:44:15.740
One of my guys that got married, he was militant about that.

852
00:44:15.740 --> 00:44:20.460
He set a time where he's like, okay, done, okay, I got to get off now kind of thing,

853
00:44:20.460 --> 00:44:24.220
but I don't give a time limit anymore, but if you feel like you're going too deep, you

854
00:44:24.220 --> 00:44:29.620
feel like things are getting too personal, then it's probably time to call it a night

855
00:44:29.620 --> 00:44:32.980
because you might end up saying something that you're really not ready for that person

856
00:44:32.980 --> 00:44:33.980
to know about you.

857
00:44:34.100 --> 00:44:35.100
Here are case in point.

858
00:44:35.100 --> 00:44:41.900
I had a private client once, and she's a very reserved person, but she felt like she knew

859
00:44:41.900 --> 00:44:43.300
this person all of her life.

860
00:44:43.300 --> 00:44:46.860
When they got together in person, it felt like she had known him all her life.

861
00:44:46.860 --> 00:44:47.860
There was such a rapport.

862
00:44:47.860 --> 00:44:48.860
There was such a connection.

863
00:44:48.860 --> 00:44:52.620
You guys, we will meet people like that, that we just feel so comfortable with, and she

864
00:44:52.620 --> 00:44:56.100
ended up really sharing a lot of personal stuff with him, and guess what?

865
00:44:56.100 --> 00:44:57.820
It didn't turn into a relationship.

866
00:44:57.820 --> 00:44:59.980
Actually, he never even asked her out on a second date.

867
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.000
And it didn't, I don't think it had anything to do with her oversharing because once again,

868
00:45:04.000 --> 00:45:11.860
she's a very balanced, reserved person and, but she felt violated.

869
00:45:11.860 --> 00:45:18.120
She felt violated by having shared all of that stuff with this pretty much stranger

870
00:45:18.120 --> 00:45:20.240
and never seeing him again.

871
00:45:20.240 --> 00:45:26.740
And now he's like running around the world with all her personal information, right?

872
00:45:26.740 --> 00:45:33.720
So ask yourself when you're sharing, ask yourself before you share.

873
00:45:33.720 --> 00:45:40.540
And as you're talking for hours, before you open your mouth to say something deeply personal,

874
00:45:40.540 --> 00:45:47.540
ask yourself, would it bother me if this person knew this about me and we never talked again?

875
00:45:47.540 --> 00:45:49.560
Cool.

876
00:45:49.560 --> 00:45:53.580
I don't want you guys to pendulum swing into being little clams that are all shut up and

877
00:45:53.580 --> 00:45:54.580
not open hearted.

878
00:45:54.580 --> 00:45:59.900
I want you to be open hearted, but I also just want you to be wise.

879
00:45:59.900 --> 00:46:01.300
That makes sense.

880
00:46:01.300 --> 00:46:03.540
He seems to be the one sharing a lot.

881
00:46:03.540 --> 00:46:07.960
And I noticed that it's triggering me because his story, it's similar to my son's story

882
00:46:07.960 --> 00:46:11.260
and my son passed a few years ago.

883
00:46:11.260 --> 00:46:14.380
I think that's why I'm having a hard time.

884
00:46:14.380 --> 00:46:16.740
So last night, it was very brief.

885
00:46:16.740 --> 00:46:21.660
The first two nights, it was like very, very long today hasn't, we haven't talked yet,

886
00:46:21.660 --> 00:46:26.260
but I'm going to make sure I remember what you just shared because it makes a lot of

887
00:46:26.260 --> 00:46:30.860
sense because I'm ready to, I think he's a really good guy and I'm starting to feel like

888
00:46:30.860 --> 00:46:34.860
I need to run because of these heavy conversations.

889
00:46:34.860 --> 00:46:35.860
Yeah.

890
00:46:35.860 --> 00:46:39.780
Because what's happening is you guys think about, you know, new relationships, especially

891
00:46:39.780 --> 00:46:41.500
think about them as new bank accounts.

892
00:46:41.500 --> 00:46:42.500
Please write down this analogy.

893
00:46:42.500 --> 00:46:44.580
God gave it to me years ago and I think it's great.

894
00:46:44.580 --> 00:46:46.580
It's a great analogy.

895
00:46:46.580 --> 00:46:50.620
When you open a new checking account, you cannot withdraw more than you deposit, right?

896
00:46:50.620 --> 00:46:55.700
Because if you do withdraw more than you've deposited into this new account, tell me what

897
00:46:55.700 --> 00:46:56.700
will happen.

898
00:46:56.700 --> 00:46:58.700
Someone unmute yourself and tell me what will happen if you do that.

899
00:47:00.700 --> 00:47:01.700
Overdrawn.

900
00:47:01.700 --> 00:47:02.700
Overdraft.

901
00:47:02.700 --> 00:47:07.340
That's exactly right and sometimes you'll get a fee or whatever.

902
00:47:07.340 --> 00:47:08.340
You'll overdraft.

903
00:47:08.340 --> 00:47:12.980
In some new accounts that are not checking accounts, like savings account, you'll actually

904
00:47:12.980 --> 00:47:18.180
get penalized if you start withdrawing after you just deposit it, right?

905
00:47:18.180 --> 00:47:20.900
You can only make so many withdrawals a month or whatever.

906
00:47:20.900 --> 00:47:25.780
Now the reason why this is a great analogy is, is that you cannot withdraw more than

907
00:47:25.780 --> 00:47:30.700
you deposit in a new relationship, meaning that you got to make some deposits.

908
00:47:30.700 --> 00:47:32.300
You got to get to know this person.

909
00:47:32.300 --> 00:47:38.660
You got to let them get to know you before you start sharing some withdrawals, some things

910
00:47:38.660 --> 00:47:42.340
that are not that great about you, some of the trauma that you've been through.

911
00:47:42.340 --> 00:47:46.500
You can't, you can't be sharing that negative information.

912
00:47:46.500 --> 00:47:47.500
Okay.

913
00:47:47.820 --> 00:47:48.820
Yeah.

914
00:47:48.820 --> 00:47:49.820
God worked through it beautifully.

915
00:47:49.820 --> 00:47:50.820
Okay.

916
00:47:50.820 --> 00:47:51.820
Wonderful.

917
00:47:51.820 --> 00:47:56.100
But I'm just going to tell you right now, if they do not have the grace because they

918
00:47:56.100 --> 00:48:01.620
do not know the present version of you, they do not have the grace to hear about your past

919
00:48:01.620 --> 00:48:05.460
yet because they don't know the present version of you, then they're not going to give themselves

920
00:48:05.460 --> 00:48:08.580
a chance to get to know you after you share that.

921
00:48:08.580 --> 00:48:10.060
They don't know you well enough.

922
00:48:10.060 --> 00:48:11.060
Okay.

923
00:48:11.060 --> 00:48:13.380
You used to be an addict.

924
00:48:13.380 --> 00:48:14.380
God's delivered you.

925
00:48:14.380 --> 00:48:15.380
That's amazing.

926
00:48:15.380 --> 00:48:16.380
That's a great testimony.

927
00:48:16.460 --> 00:48:18.660
You know who that testimony is not for?

928
00:48:18.660 --> 00:48:19.660
A first date.

929
00:48:19.660 --> 00:48:24.300
They don't need that information about you.

930
00:48:24.300 --> 00:48:26.420
You're making a deposit in this new account right now.

931
00:48:26.420 --> 00:48:27.420
You can't make a withdrawal.

932
00:48:27.420 --> 00:48:28.420
You can't.

933
00:48:28.420 --> 00:48:33.700
Because maybe their dad was an addict and he died as an alcoholic.

934
00:48:33.700 --> 00:48:34.700
Okay.

935
00:48:34.700 --> 00:48:35.700
Or vice versa.

936
00:48:35.700 --> 00:48:37.500
Their, their former wife, this is true.

937
00:48:37.500 --> 00:48:40.700
This is really a true story of one of my private coaching clients.

938
00:48:40.700 --> 00:48:44.460
His former wife, they were childhood sweethearts that got married at 17 years old.

939
00:48:44.460 --> 00:48:45.460
They had three kids.

940
00:48:45.540 --> 00:48:46.700
They had an amazing life.

941
00:48:46.700 --> 00:48:51.460
They met Jesus together and she remained an alcoholic and walked away from the Lord, did

942
00:48:51.460 --> 00:48:55.860
not want anything to do with the church, didn't want anything to do with freedom or any of

943
00:48:55.860 --> 00:48:56.860
those things.

944
00:48:56.860 --> 00:48:59.060
And he fought for her and prayed for her.

945
00:48:59.060 --> 00:49:00.860
These are childhood sweethearts.

946
00:49:00.860 --> 00:49:04.980
And she actually passed out outside of their home in the snow and froze to death in an

947
00:49:04.980 --> 00:49:05.980
alcoholic stupor.

948
00:49:05.980 --> 00:49:11.140
She died y'all in the snow outside their house.

949
00:49:11.140 --> 00:49:13.580
So guess what?

950
00:49:13.700 --> 00:49:19.660
He is not going to want to be with someone that he doesn't get to know the present version

951
00:49:19.660 --> 00:49:24.700
of if they have a backstory like hers, where they used to be an alcoholic.

952
00:49:24.700 --> 00:49:28.420
Like he's going to, it's going to be a no on the first date for him if he finds that

953
00:49:28.420 --> 00:49:29.420
out.

954
00:49:29.420 --> 00:49:33.260
If he doesn't see how that he doesn't see their deliverance, he doesn't get to see them

955
00:49:33.260 --> 00:49:34.740
in real time.

956
00:49:34.740 --> 00:49:37.780
So it's not to shame you for your backstory.

957
00:49:37.780 --> 00:49:41.300
It's to tell you that some people are not ready to hear your backstory yet until they

958
00:49:41.300 --> 00:49:42.980
can see your present story.

959
00:49:43.860 --> 00:49:46.460
So he's the one that's over sharing.

960
00:49:46.460 --> 00:49:47.460
Yeah.

961
00:49:47.460 --> 00:49:48.820
But he's not, he's not my client.

962
00:49:48.820 --> 00:49:49.820
He's not my student.

963
00:49:49.820 --> 00:49:51.500
So he doesn't have this coaching.

964
00:49:51.500 --> 00:49:57.900
So your, your, your job now is to make a decision because he doesn't have this coaching that's

965
00:49:57.900 --> 00:50:00.020
keeping him from sharing because I'm going to tell you.

966
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.000
That's what he's doing.

967
00:50:01.000 --> 00:50:05.720
And this is what a lot of you guys had done before you got into this program and into

968
00:50:05.720 --> 00:50:06.720
this coaching.

969
00:50:06.720 --> 00:50:07.720
Okay.

970
00:50:07.720 --> 00:50:11.200
He's trying to lay all of his cards, good, bad, and ugly on the table to see if you run

971
00:50:11.200 --> 00:50:12.200
away.

972
00:50:12.200 --> 00:50:13.200
And that's what he said.

973
00:50:13.200 --> 00:50:14.200
Yeah.

974
00:50:14.200 --> 00:50:17.200
That he wants to lay all of his cards on the table.

975
00:50:17.200 --> 00:50:18.200
Yeah.

976
00:50:18.200 --> 00:50:19.200
Okay.

977
00:50:19.200 --> 00:50:24.540
So what you have to do now is you have to discern whether or not he is in a healthy

978
00:50:24.540 --> 00:50:30.260
enough place for a relationship present time, or if he really needs a lot more work, remember

979
00:50:30.260 --> 00:50:34.060
we all have yellow flags, but what's going to turn his yellow flags green is you can

980
00:50:34.060 --> 00:50:38.340
start asking him questions about his accountability, about who's mentoring him.

981
00:50:38.340 --> 00:50:39.660
Cause you guys, here's the thing.

982
00:50:39.660 --> 00:50:42.420
We don't want to go deep like that, but this dude already went deep.

983
00:50:42.420 --> 00:50:46.100
And so now she's got to figure out whether or not she should even keep talking to him

984
00:50:46.100 --> 00:50:50.540
because if he's not healthy enough to handle getting to know her, then she's going to have

985
00:50:50.540 --> 00:50:51.780
to go ahead and move on.

986
00:50:51.780 --> 00:50:52.780
It's going to be a yes.

987
00:50:52.780 --> 00:50:53.780
And it's going to become a no.

988
00:50:54.020 --> 00:50:55.980
So who's mentoring him?

989
00:50:55.980 --> 00:50:59.860
What kind of spiritual community is part of, what is he doing to make sure that he continues

990
00:50:59.860 --> 00:51:01.900
to stay in health and continues to go forward?

991
00:51:01.900 --> 00:51:06.500
You guys, a lot of you may end up marrying someone, not a lot of you, but some of you

992
00:51:06.500 --> 00:51:12.380
may end up marrying someone who had a former life controlling problem like addiction, but

993
00:51:12.380 --> 00:51:13.380
it's going to be very important.

994
00:51:13.380 --> 00:51:17.460
And God's going to give you grace for this, that you know that that is in their past and

995
00:51:17.460 --> 00:51:21.140
it is not going to be in their future.

996
00:51:21.140 --> 00:51:22.140
That's going to be very important.

997
00:51:22.140 --> 00:51:26.340
Very, very important.

998
00:51:26.340 --> 00:51:28.060
And so remember you are God defended.

999
00:51:28.060 --> 00:51:31.540
God's going to show you what you need to see.

1000
00:51:31.540 --> 00:51:36.500
I'm so thankful that my, my, my current husband didn't throw his ex-wife, his former wife

1001
00:51:36.500 --> 00:51:37.500
under the bus.

1002
00:51:37.500 --> 00:51:42.300
When I met him, she, he had all kinds of issues with her, like the way that she left the family,

1003
00:51:42.300 --> 00:51:43.420
she abandoned the family.

1004
00:51:43.420 --> 00:51:45.460
He didn't tell me any of that about her.

1005
00:51:45.460 --> 00:51:48.260
I found that out during our marriage little by little by little.

1006
00:51:48.260 --> 00:51:53.300
And I'm so glad that he didn't because she was a very difficult person.

1007
00:51:53.300 --> 00:51:58.300
In the first two years of us being married, she showed her butt many, many, many, many,

1008
00:51:58.300 --> 00:51:59.300
many times.

1009
00:51:59.300 --> 00:52:03.060
And I will tell you, if I knew that I was signing up for that before we got married,

1010
00:52:03.060 --> 00:52:07.180
I might not have married him and I would have missed out on the greatest adventure of my

1011
00:52:07.180 --> 00:52:12.700
life because I would have thought, Oh no, I can't handle no baby drama, baby, baby mama

1012
00:52:12.700 --> 00:52:13.700
drama.

1013
00:52:13.700 --> 00:52:17.700
No, I am not the one for that.

1014
00:52:17.700 --> 00:52:23.460
And God's like, you're the one for whatever I say, you're the one for when you're surrendered

1015
00:52:23.460 --> 00:52:24.460
to me.

1016
00:52:24.460 --> 00:52:30.740
And so I'm glad that he didn't tell me all of that dirty laundry because it might have

1017
00:52:30.740 --> 00:52:36.820
caused me to run away because I've heard all the horror stories about blended families

1018
00:52:36.820 --> 00:52:42.660
and baby mama drama and all the things and toxic former wives and husbands and all the

1019
00:52:42.660 --> 00:52:43.660
stuff.

1020
00:52:43.660 --> 00:52:44.660
Okay.

1021
00:52:44.660 --> 00:52:48.860
And I say that to say this, when you're surrendered to God, as you're getting to know someone,

1022
00:52:48.860 --> 00:52:50.820
you continue to surrender that relationship to God.

1023
00:52:50.820 --> 00:52:54.380
You guys don't go out with people without praying about them and praying for them and

1024
00:52:54.380 --> 00:52:59.660
praying that God shows you what you need to see when you need to see it.

1025
00:52:59.660 --> 00:53:03.860
It's important that you don't see that stuff out of timing and you won't if you don't start

1026
00:53:03.860 --> 00:53:08.340
digging, put your shovels away, stop trying to dig.

1027
00:53:08.340 --> 00:53:10.500
Don't be going through their garbage while they're sleeping at night.

1028
00:53:10.500 --> 00:53:11.500
Don't do that.

1029
00:53:11.780 --> 00:53:15.180
And the reason why is because God will show you what you need to see when you need to

1030
00:53:15.180 --> 00:53:16.180
see it.

1031
00:53:16.180 --> 00:53:24.260
And if you need to see it, got to trust God, got to trust him because once again, everyone

1032
00:53:24.260 --> 00:53:25.260
has issues.

1033
00:53:25.260 --> 00:53:26.260
Everybody.

1034
00:53:26.260 --> 00:53:27.260
All right.

1035
00:53:27.260 --> 00:53:28.260
What's the next question?

1036
00:53:28.260 --> 00:53:29.260
Thank you.

1037
00:53:29.260 --> 00:53:30.260
You're welcome.

1038
00:53:30.260 --> 00:53:32.020
Hey, keep us posted.

1039
00:53:32.020 --> 00:53:33.020
We want to know.

1040
00:53:33.020 --> 00:53:34.020
All right.

1041
00:53:34.020 --> 00:53:35.020
Keep going.

1042
00:53:35.020 --> 00:53:40.020
Who's the, what's the next question, anybody?

1043
00:53:40.020 --> 00:53:45.540
I don't know.

1044
00:53:45.540 --> 00:53:50.060
There's some sketchy people out here, so is there anyone else has a quick, Oh, Andy has

1045
00:53:50.060 --> 00:53:51.060
a question.

1046
00:53:51.060 --> 00:53:52.060
Jackie.

1047
00:53:52.060 --> 00:53:53.060
Okay.

1048
00:53:53.060 --> 00:53:54.060
Okay.

1049
00:53:54.060 --> 00:53:55.060
Andy, go for it.

1050
00:53:55.060 --> 00:53:56.060
Hi.

1051
00:53:56.060 --> 00:54:01.140
So I tend to struggle with small talk.

1052
00:54:01.140 --> 00:54:03.340
So do you have any tips on how to do that?

1053
00:54:03.340 --> 00:54:08.940
Like, I just, I like to talk about really controversial topics, not necessarily like

1054
00:54:08.940 --> 00:54:13.780
all about myself all the time, like you're saying, but like just in general, like topics

1055
00:54:13.780 --> 00:54:15.620
that like most people disagree with.

1056
00:54:15.620 --> 00:54:19.900
And so I find it difficult to small talk because my interests are centered around those kind

1057
00:54:19.900 --> 00:54:20.900
of topics.

1058
00:54:20.900 --> 00:54:21.900
Okay.

1059
00:54:21.900 --> 00:54:23.900
So I think honesty is the best policy.

1060
00:54:23.900 --> 00:54:27.820
You guys, everyone, we don't have to pretend like we have it all together.

1061
00:54:27.820 --> 00:54:31.660
I think that it's very refreshing when we show up to meet a new person and we say, especially

1062
00:54:31.700 --> 00:54:37.180
if it's a date context, if it's a dating context, we show up and just say, Hey, I'm really bad

1063
00:54:37.180 --> 00:54:38.180
at small talk.

1064
00:54:38.180 --> 00:54:39.260
I'm pretty awkward.

1065
00:54:39.260 --> 00:54:43.660
Or I actually talk about things that, you know, maybe or not, you know, it's not the

1066
00:54:43.660 --> 00:54:45.500
appropriate topics for first time meeting.

1067
00:54:45.500 --> 00:54:53.140
So if you don't mind, I have brought a few fun, you know, questions for us to ask each

1068
00:54:53.140 --> 00:54:54.140
other.

1069
00:54:54.140 --> 00:54:56.740
You guys, there's games you can play with each other.

1070
00:54:56.740 --> 00:54:58.260
There's one called we're not strangers.

1071
00:54:58.260 --> 00:54:59.500
Is that what it's called?

1072
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.800
I think it's called, we're not really strangers or something.

1073
00:55:04.800 --> 00:55:10.680
Anyway, find a lot, find a couple of low-key cards, the fun little questions, keep it lighthearted,

1074
00:55:10.680 --> 00:55:17.120
especially on the first date, but don't be afraid to have assistance if you, like Andy,

1075
00:55:17.120 --> 00:55:20.680
are just really not that good at this, that's okay.

1076
00:55:20.680 --> 00:55:27.520
And I feel like people will think that's very endearing, honestly.

1077
00:55:27.520 --> 00:55:28.520
I do.

1078
00:55:28.920 --> 00:55:34.840
You guys, David Dorman has no game, zero game, zero game, to this day, he doesn't have any

1079
00:55:34.840 --> 00:55:35.840
game.

1080
00:55:35.840 --> 00:55:36.840
All right?

1081
00:55:36.840 --> 00:55:39.600
And so I was the instigator of that relationship.

1082
00:55:39.600 --> 00:55:46.480
Now, I didn't fully know that he liked me, but I kind of had a suspicion that he might,

1083
00:55:46.480 --> 00:55:53.200
and I'm a very flirty person, extremely, extremely, like, you know, funny and fun, and as you,

1084
00:55:53.200 --> 00:55:54.880
I'm sure you can tell.

1085
00:55:54.880 --> 00:56:01.520
And I'm the person who was constantly, like, for instance, you know, text messaging was

1086
00:56:01.520 --> 00:56:05.720
just becoming a thing, and it was still, you had to push the button like 15 times to get

1087
00:56:05.720 --> 00:56:06.720
the letter.

1088
00:56:06.720 --> 00:56:09.360
It was that era of text messaging.

1089
00:56:09.360 --> 00:56:13.320
And he was my next-door neighbor, and sometimes I would just text him from my house and be

1090
00:56:13.320 --> 00:56:16.680
like, what are you doing in there?

1091
00:56:16.680 --> 00:56:20.560
Like he's just right next door in his house, like, what are you doing in there?

1092
00:56:20.560 --> 00:56:25.640
Like, you know, or I'll be behind him accidentally, like, you know, we'll have left at the same

1093
00:56:25.640 --> 00:56:30.960
time and I'll see his beat-up jalopy car, like, ahead of me at the light by three cars

1094
00:56:30.960 --> 00:56:34.080
and then I'll text him and be like, you drive like a grandma.

1095
00:56:34.080 --> 00:56:37.600
And then I'll see him, like, look down at his phone at the stoplight and I'll see that

1096
00:56:37.600 --> 00:56:43.080
he sees my message and then looks in the rearview mirror and just laughs, you know, like, just

1097
00:56:43.080 --> 00:56:45.800
like, I see you.

1098
00:56:45.800 --> 00:56:49.000
So if you have a fun personality, use it.

1099
00:56:49.000 --> 00:56:53.680
And if you don't have really like a free fun personality, then fake it.

1100
00:56:53.680 --> 00:56:57.760
And when I say that, I mean, get yourself some assistance, bring some fun things with

1101
00:56:57.760 --> 00:57:02.320
you, you know, get things that, you know, open you up and help you.

1102
00:57:02.320 --> 00:57:05.780
And if you're the person on the date that has the fun free personality, draw that other

1103
00:57:05.780 --> 00:57:07.560
person out of their shell.

1104
00:57:07.560 --> 00:57:10.680
You can draw them out, use your personality to draw them out.

1105
00:57:10.680 --> 00:57:12.720
Complimentary opposites are the best mates.

1106
00:57:12.720 --> 00:57:16.280
The best spouses are two people that are not polar opposite, but are complimentary

1107
00:57:16.280 --> 00:57:17.280
opposites.

1108
00:57:17.280 --> 00:57:20.080
So the chances, if you're really outgoing, that you end up with a little bit of an introvert

1109
00:57:20.080 --> 00:57:23.480
are really good and vice versa.

1110
00:57:23.480 --> 00:57:25.480
Okay.

1111
00:57:25.480 --> 00:57:39.880
And I want to say one more thing.

1112
00:57:39.880 --> 00:57:45.240
If you're fairly healthy, trust your instincts, okay?

1113
00:57:45.240 --> 00:57:47.880
Don't ignore your instincts.

1114
00:57:47.880 --> 00:57:51.920
If you know that this is absolutely is not going to be a love connection, it's not, but

1115
00:57:51.920 --> 00:57:57.160
the other person is not like, there's nothing wrong with them necessarily.

1116
00:57:57.160 --> 00:58:03.720
Bring them into this community, help them to connect, help them.

1117
00:58:03.720 --> 00:58:04.720
This guy's kind of sketchy.

1118
00:58:04.720 --> 00:58:07.400
I'm going to go inside.

1119
00:58:07.400 --> 00:58:08.400
Follow your instincts.

1120
00:58:08.400 --> 00:58:09.400
See how, see me?

1121
00:58:09.400 --> 00:58:10.440
See me following my instincts?

1122
00:58:10.440 --> 00:58:13.120
See me being demure and mindful?

1123
00:58:13.120 --> 00:58:14.600
Okay.

1124
00:58:15.600 --> 00:58:16.600
Okay.

1125
00:58:16.600 --> 00:58:18.600
There's David Dorman.

1126
00:58:38.600 --> 00:58:39.600
Okay, guys.

1127
00:58:39.600 --> 00:58:40.600
I'm out in the front now.

1128
00:58:40.600 --> 00:58:42.600
There's no one out here.

1129
00:58:43.600 --> 00:58:44.600
Okay.

1130
00:58:44.600 --> 00:58:45.600
So any other questions?

1131
00:58:45.600 --> 00:58:50.600
We have Charlotte was willing to get into the love seat and ask a question as well.

1132
00:58:50.600 --> 00:58:53.600
Charlotte, do you want to go ahead?

1133
00:58:53.600 --> 00:58:54.600
Okay.

1134
00:58:54.600 --> 00:58:55.600
Make it quick.

1135
00:58:55.600 --> 00:58:57.600
Let's do it quick.

1136
00:58:57.600 --> 00:58:58.600
Okay.

1137
00:58:58.600 --> 00:59:00.600
I will try to make it quick.

1138
00:59:00.600 --> 00:59:09.600
I typed it in the chat, but there was somebody who I went on a few dates with, and every

1139
00:59:09.600 --> 00:59:17.600
time we were together, he would go into his divorce story and then kind of go on a tirade

1140
00:59:17.600 --> 00:59:22.600
about how horrible divorce is and how so many churches allow it and it's wrong.

1141
00:59:22.600 --> 00:59:29.600
And this past time, after asking me what I thought about it, I said, well, I don't have

1142
00:59:29.600 --> 00:59:33.600
any further thoughts because you've talked about this two other times.

1143
00:59:33.600 --> 00:59:36.600
And then he apologized for saying it again.

1144
00:59:36.600 --> 00:59:38.600
And he's telling me he's gone through counseling.

1145
00:59:38.600 --> 00:59:43.600
And when I was talking to him originally, it felt like it felt very hard work.

1146
00:59:43.600 --> 00:59:47.600
Like he seemed like he really had gone through things.

1147
00:59:47.600 --> 00:59:50.600
But then the fact that he keeps bringing this up over and over again.

1148
00:59:50.600 --> 00:59:51.600
Okay.

1149
00:59:51.600 --> 00:59:53.600
So let me tell you what's wrong with him.

1150
00:59:53.600 --> 00:59:54.600
Okay.

1151
00:59:54.600 --> 00:59:55.600
Let me tell you what his yellow flag is.

1152
00:59:55.600 --> 00:59:58.600
And hopefully he's going to get the right coaching so it can become a green flag.

1153
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.560
want to be divorced and his wife divorced him and he doesn't believe in

1154
01:00:04.560 --> 01:00:05.920
divorce. He doesn't,

1155
01:00:06.160 --> 01:00:10.200
he has not made peace with the idea that it's not wrong to be divorced and now

1156
01:00:10.200 --> 01:00:14.080
he's been forced into this season of his life where he's doing something that

1157
01:00:14.100 --> 01:00:16.040
God doesn't agree with and doesn't want.

1158
01:00:16.680 --> 01:00:19.840
And he feels guilty about even being on a date

1159
01:00:22.120 --> 01:00:26.760
because he's not convinced that he's even allowed to move on from this.

1160
01:00:26.760 --> 01:00:27.580
Okay.

1161
01:00:29.360 --> 01:00:33.600
So you, because you're a date, what's wrong with people?

1162
01:00:34.280 --> 01:00:38.600
Gentlemen, that's not sexy. I just want to let you know, women are not like, Oh,

1163
01:00:39.400 --> 01:00:42.520
you'd have such a loud muffler. You know,

1164
01:00:42.920 --> 01:00:46.920
I just want to climb in your car. No. Okay. That's not good.

1165
01:00:47.440 --> 01:00:48.520
Okay. Um,

1166
01:00:49.280 --> 01:00:52.920
the reason why he brings that up on these dates with you is because being on a

1167
01:00:52.920 --> 01:00:54.880
date is the trigger. Do you see that?

1168
01:00:57.040 --> 01:00:58.360
Hmm. Yeah.

1169
01:00:59.360 --> 01:01:02.200
Being on a date is the trigger because you know, once you get married,

1170
01:01:02.200 --> 01:01:05.320
you expect to never be on a date again. Now,

1171
01:01:05.320 --> 01:01:08.320
if his wife had passed away, then he might've be able to make peace with it.

1172
01:01:08.560 --> 01:01:11.200
But the fact that he told you churches shouldn't allow it,

1173
01:01:11.280 --> 01:01:14.360
there's our clue that he didn't want it.

1174
01:01:14.400 --> 01:01:18.120
It happens and now he doesn't know whether or not it's even legal,

1175
01:01:19.680 --> 01:01:22.040
like in the kingdom. Like, you know what I'm saying?

1176
01:01:22.240 --> 01:01:25.280
He's obviously been taught that divorce is the unpardonable sin.

1177
01:01:25.280 --> 01:01:28.160
Like you don't do it. God hates it. You don't do it.

1178
01:01:29.120 --> 01:01:32.560
And if you do do it, then you, you don't get a do over.

1179
01:01:34.400 --> 01:01:37.800
And you guys, that's bad theology. It's not true. It isn't.

1180
01:01:38.160 --> 01:01:39.000
It's not true.

1181
01:01:39.840 --> 01:01:44.280
I do a whole teaching theologically on divorce and remarriage.

1182
01:01:44.280 --> 01:01:48.160
If you haven't seen that it's in, I believe it's in heartwork.

1183
01:01:48.240 --> 01:01:49.080
Isn't it Bethany?

1184
01:01:49.080 --> 01:01:50.160
Yes, it's in the heartwork.

1185
01:01:50.640 --> 01:01:55.640
Okay. So do we have an archive for people in phase two and three and the guys to

1186
01:01:55.640 --> 01:02:00.640
be able to access teachings from phase one and two after they're no longer in

1187
01:02:00.640 --> 01:02:01.480
phase one or two?

1188
01:02:03.840 --> 01:02:07.160
We'll have to chat about that on the team meeting because that's, okay. Yep.

1189
01:02:07.640 --> 01:02:09.880
But we will have that. You guys, we've been working on that.

1190
01:02:09.880 --> 01:02:11.160
I didn't know if it was live yet,

1191
01:02:11.160 --> 01:02:15.840
but I'd like an archive of teachings that you can go like a library. Okay.

1192
01:02:16.000 --> 01:02:18.200
So go easy on that guy.

1193
01:02:19.240 --> 01:02:21.520
You know, you might even want to say something to him at this point,

1194
01:02:21.520 --> 01:02:24.320
since he's gone deep with you about that three times now.

1195
01:02:24.600 --> 01:02:27.800
If there's anything else about him that is, you know,

1196
01:02:27.800 --> 01:02:32.160
positive or a green flag that you might want to consider this a yellow flag that,

1197
01:02:32.160 --> 01:02:36.840
you know, and point him in the direction of the type of coaching that we do say,

1198
01:02:36.840 --> 01:02:38.680
Hey, I noticed that, you know, you're, you're,

1199
01:02:38.680 --> 01:02:41.120
you're still really upset about your divorce. And, you know,

1200
01:02:41.120 --> 01:02:44.240
I'm in a singles group with a guy and I'm in a singles group with a guy and I'm

1201
01:02:44.240 --> 01:02:47.400
in a singles group where there are a lot of people that have gone through what

1202
01:02:47.400 --> 01:02:50.560
you've gone through. And, and our coach has a really good teaching on this.

1203
01:02:50.560 --> 01:02:53.040
And if you'd, if you'd like to, I'll connect you.

1204
01:02:54.960 --> 01:02:58.120
Okay. Cool. Yes. Thank you.

1205
01:02:58.320 --> 01:02:59.680
Is there anything else positive about him?

1206
01:03:01.280 --> 01:03:05.600
Yeah, he's I mean, I originally thought he had the three M's

1207
01:03:06.240 --> 01:03:10.280
and he's he's in a, he definitely seems to love the Lord a lot.

1208
01:03:10.320 --> 01:03:14.160
He's very serious, obviously. And he

1209
01:03:15.040 --> 01:03:17.000
we have a lot of the same interests.

1210
01:03:18.080 --> 01:03:22.840
But so far I'm not really enjoying our interactions

1211
01:03:22.880 --> 01:03:23.720
very much.

1212
01:03:23.840 --> 01:03:25.760
Well, no, you're not enjoying it because you know,

1213
01:03:25.760 --> 01:03:30.160
you're like becoming like a biblical counselor or a therapist and that's not

1214
01:03:30.160 --> 01:03:35.400
fun. So yeah. And so, and it's okay for you to say that to him,

1215
01:03:35.600 --> 01:03:38.440
you guys, it's okay for her to say that really respectfully to him as well.

1216
01:03:38.440 --> 01:03:42.720
Say, Hey, you know, I've been enjoying, and then you just tell him this,

1217
01:03:42.720 --> 01:03:45.600
this and that. But the thing that, you know,

1218
01:03:46.080 --> 01:03:49.880
kind of not enjoyable is, you know,

1219
01:03:49.880 --> 01:03:53.840
talking about this, I would really love to point you in a direction where,

1220
01:03:53.840 --> 01:03:54.400
you know,

1221
01:03:54.400 --> 01:03:58.400
you can talk with people that have also gone through this and some good

1222
01:03:58.400 --> 01:03:59.600
coaching. But other than that,

1223
01:03:59.600 --> 01:04:04.320
I'd love to just get to know the present version of you and, you know,

1224
01:04:05.120 --> 01:04:08.640
hang out without, you know, having to talk about these negative things.

1225
01:04:08.880 --> 01:04:10.000
I understand that you went through that,

1226
01:04:10.000 --> 01:04:12.200
but I'd like to just get to know the present version of you.

1227
01:04:12.400 --> 01:04:13.600
It's okay to say that.

1228
01:04:13.920 --> 01:04:17.480
And if he manifests when you say that to him and he gets all upset about it,

1229
01:04:17.480 --> 01:04:21.600
you know, and stuff, then, you know, then he's, he's less,

1230
01:04:21.720 --> 01:04:23.480
he's even more unhealthy than we think.

1231
01:04:24.480 --> 01:04:25.320
Right.

1232
01:04:29.520 --> 01:04:33.360
All right. And if all else fails, blame it on me. Say, Hey, you know,

1233
01:04:33.360 --> 01:04:37.120
I have a dating coach and she's always like, Hey, don't,

1234
01:04:37.440 --> 01:04:40.920
don't talk too much about, you know, the bad stuff that's happened.

1235
01:04:40.960 --> 01:04:43.560
Let's kind of focus on just getting to know the present versions of each other.

1236
01:04:43.560 --> 01:04:44.880
We can talk about that stuff later.

1237
01:04:48.600 --> 01:04:51.680
Cool. Yeah. Thank you very much.

1238
01:04:52.440 --> 01:04:56.080
You guys, you can always blame it on me. And here's the thing.

1239
01:04:56.080 --> 01:04:59.600
If you feel embarrassed that you have a dating coach, why?

1240
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.140
Everybody needs coaches in their lives.

1241
01:05:03.140 --> 01:05:05.500
Guys, Michael Jordan had a coach.

1242
01:05:06.900 --> 01:05:09.760
Until he retired from basketball, he had a coach.

1243
01:05:10.860 --> 01:05:12.700
Everybody has coaches.

1244
01:05:12.700 --> 01:05:14.220
Well, let me take that back.

1245
01:05:14.220 --> 01:05:16.420
All successful people have coaches.

1246
01:05:17.500 --> 01:05:20.620
Successful people have a coach in any area

1247
01:05:20.620 --> 01:05:21.940
where you're not nailing it,

1248
01:05:21.940 --> 01:05:23.800
where you're not a 10 out of 10.

1249
01:05:23.800 --> 01:05:24.780
Everyone has a coach.

1250
01:05:24.780 --> 01:05:28.180
I have tons of coaches in different areas of my life.

1251
01:05:28.200 --> 01:05:31.720
I'm about to try yet another health and wellness coach.

1252
01:05:33.320 --> 01:05:35.160
Because one or two things are happening.

1253
01:05:35.160 --> 01:05:36.920
I'm not picking the coach that's right for me,

1254
01:05:36.920 --> 01:05:38.400
that's really important,

1255
01:05:38.400 --> 01:05:41.200
and or I'm not listening to them.

1256
01:05:41.200 --> 01:05:42.360
It could be either.

1257
01:05:42.360 --> 01:05:43.800
It could be either, all right?

1258
01:05:43.800 --> 01:05:45.200
I'm just gonna be honest.

1259
01:05:45.200 --> 01:05:46.120
Could be either.

1260
01:05:46.120 --> 01:05:47.920
So I'm gonna try again.

1261
01:05:47.920 --> 01:05:48.760
And for those of you that are like,

1262
01:05:48.760 --> 01:05:50.320
man, I need a health coach too,

1263
01:05:50.320 --> 01:05:51.480
I have good news for you.

1264
01:05:51.480 --> 01:05:53.280
That goes back to the beginning of this call

1265
01:05:53.280 --> 01:05:54.780
where I said we have some fun.

1266
01:05:58.680 --> 01:06:00.000
I think we lost her, you all.

1267
01:06:00.000 --> 01:06:02.400
So we'll just have to see if she comes back on.

1268
01:06:06.400 --> 01:06:07.560
Good questions happening here.

1269
01:06:07.560 --> 01:06:09.560
As some people are asking, just so y'all know,

1270
01:06:09.560 --> 01:06:12.080
so basically the divorce and remarriage

1271
01:06:12.080 --> 01:06:14.080
was in your heart work.

1272
01:06:14.080 --> 01:06:15.360
No matter when you did heart work,

1273
01:06:15.360 --> 01:06:17.120
we've been doing it for years.

1274
01:06:17.120 --> 01:06:19.200
But if you're in phase three,

1275
01:06:19.200 --> 01:06:20.960
we'll have to work on maybe this week

1276
01:06:20.960 --> 01:06:23.160
getting that like available for you all.

1277
01:06:23.160 --> 01:06:25.200
But at some point,

1278
01:06:25.200 --> 01:06:29.180
the team is talking through the idea of having a library.

1279
01:06:29.180 --> 01:06:31.100
But y'all, we have to test it.

1280
01:06:31.100 --> 01:06:32.540
There's a lot that goes into it.

1281
01:06:32.540 --> 01:06:34.060
But we'll let you all know

1282
01:06:34.060 --> 01:06:36.380
if we move in that direction of the library

1283
01:06:36.380 --> 01:06:37.620
as soon as we can.

1284
01:06:40.140 --> 01:06:40.980
We'll see.

1285
01:06:40.980 --> 01:06:41.820
I don't know if she's gonna be able

1286
01:06:41.820 --> 01:06:43.180
to jump back on or not, y'all.

1287
01:06:46.300 --> 01:06:47.140
It's been good tonight.

1288
01:06:47.140 --> 01:06:48.340
Good questions, you guys.

1289
01:06:48.340 --> 01:06:50.500
Thanks for those that asked questions,

1290
01:06:50.500 --> 01:06:52.780
whether in the chat or in the Q&A.

1291
01:06:52.780 --> 01:06:54.440
For those that asked questions,

1292
01:06:54.440 --> 01:06:56.400
whether in the chat or out loud,

1293
01:06:56.400 --> 01:06:59.040
it really makes the event, y'all,

1294
01:06:59.040 --> 01:07:00.920
when you open up and ask questions.

1295
01:07:00.920 --> 01:07:03.840
And this is how everybody learns from each other

1296
01:07:03.840 --> 01:07:05.740
and from the experiences people are having.

1297
01:07:05.740 --> 01:07:06.580
So great job.

1298
01:07:06.580 --> 01:07:07.680
Okay, she's back.

1299
01:07:07.680 --> 01:07:08.520
Hi.

1300
01:07:11.160 --> 01:07:12.000
Jackie.

1301
01:07:16.760 --> 01:07:18.320
I see David Dorman.

1302
01:07:23.780 --> 01:07:24.620
Hi.

1303
01:07:33.960 --> 01:07:35.240
Well, she's loading fully on.

1304
01:07:35.240 --> 01:07:37.480
Bethany, can I ask you a question?

1305
01:07:37.480 --> 01:07:38.320
It's come up.

1306
01:07:38.320 --> 01:07:39.520
Oh, they're back.

1307
01:07:39.520 --> 01:07:40.360
Bye.

1308
01:07:41.280 --> 01:07:42.120
All right.

1309
01:07:42.120 --> 01:07:42.960
Go ahead and ask Bethany that question.

1310
01:07:42.960 --> 01:07:44.920
We're gonna go ahead and wrap up, guys.

1311
01:07:45.920 --> 01:07:47.840
It's come up a couple of times at a couple of places.

1312
01:07:47.840 --> 01:07:51.320
How do I tell a guy it's a no

1313
01:07:51.340 --> 01:07:54.100
because he's just not as much of a Jesus lover

1314
01:07:54.100 --> 01:07:56.860
as I really need without turning him off

1315
01:07:56.860 --> 01:07:58.260
of loving Jesus more?

1316
01:07:59.340 --> 01:08:01.140
Yeah, I'm gonna give that to Jackie.

1317
01:08:03.060 --> 01:08:04.100
How do you know that?

1318
01:08:07.900 --> 01:08:09.620
Oh, I'm relaying a question

1319
01:08:09.620 --> 01:08:11.940
that's come up in a couple of different places.

1320
01:08:12.900 --> 01:08:14.740
Oh, okay, it's not your question, Erin Joy.

1321
01:08:14.740 --> 01:08:16.220
It's someone else's question.

1322
01:08:16.220 --> 01:08:18.220
No, but it might be my question sometime.

1323
01:08:18.220 --> 01:08:20.620
I mean, you know, how are we going to judge

1324
01:08:20.920 --> 01:08:22.120
whether or not someone loves Jesus?

1325
01:08:22.120 --> 01:08:25.160
I mean, how are you judging it would be my first question.

1326
01:08:25.160 --> 01:08:27.720
Okay, I will tell you that people would need

1327
01:08:27.720 --> 01:08:29.439
to get to know me pretty well

1328
01:08:29.439 --> 01:08:31.840
before they know that I love Jesus

1329
01:08:31.840 --> 01:08:34.200
and that I'm not just a good person,

1330
01:08:34.200 --> 01:08:37.000
kind person, helpful person.

1331
01:08:37.000 --> 01:08:41.200
You know, I don't wear Jesus on my sleeve,

1332
01:08:41.200 --> 01:08:43.200
and I think that some Christians talk about Jesus

1333
01:08:43.200 --> 01:08:46.640
more than Jesus talked about Jesus, okay?

1334
01:08:46.640 --> 01:08:51.640
Our job is to walk as disciples of Jesus

1335
01:08:52.899 --> 01:08:54.819
in the power of the Holy Spirit

1336
01:08:54.819 --> 01:08:56.620
and to be like Jesus in the earth,

1337
01:08:56.620 --> 01:09:01.620
not to necessarily, you know, try to market Jesus, right?

1338
01:09:03.979 --> 01:09:06.740
And so if they don't have, you know, a fish bumper sticker,

1339
01:09:06.740 --> 01:09:09.340
if they don't have a Jesus Christ hat on,

1340
01:09:09.340 --> 01:09:12.020
Jesus is my homeboy sweatshirt, you know,

1341
01:09:12.020 --> 01:09:13.220
if they're not always talking about

1342
01:09:13.220 --> 01:09:15.479
what they're doing at church, you know, in different things,

1343
01:09:15.479 --> 01:09:18.140
it doesn't mean that they don't love God.

1344
01:09:18.140 --> 01:09:20.160
It doesn't mean that they're not someone

1345
01:09:20.160 --> 01:09:23.760
who is trying to follow after Christ.

1346
01:09:23.760 --> 01:09:24.960
They might be in between churches.

1347
01:09:24.960 --> 01:09:27.120
You guys know how many powerful, amazing people

1348
01:09:27.120 --> 01:09:30.120
that I know right now that are in between churches?

1349
01:09:30.120 --> 01:09:31.760
Like they do not have a home church right now.

1350
01:09:31.760 --> 01:09:33.620
They do not go to church regularly

1351
01:09:33.620 --> 01:09:36.720
because they do not have a home church.

1352
01:09:36.720 --> 01:09:40.020
They're struggling to find a place.

1353
01:09:40.020 --> 01:09:42.560
They didn't feel connected at whatever church they were at,

1354
01:09:42.560 --> 01:09:44.920
and now they're struggling to find another place.

1355
01:09:44.920 --> 01:09:49.920
These are really wise, good, Jesus-loving people.

1356
01:09:50.080 --> 01:09:52.200
And so I guess to answer your question, Aaron Joy,

1357
01:09:52.200 --> 01:09:55.320
is let's make sure that we're not judging people

1358
01:09:55.320 --> 01:09:59.800
based on some criteria that's incorrect, number one.

1359
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.000
And number two, we're going to look for fruit, not gifts.

1360
01:10:03.000 --> 01:10:06.000
Look for fruit in people's lives, not gifts.

1361
01:10:06.000 --> 01:10:10.000
Gifts, I'm not saying that gifts are faked, but gifts definitely are,

1362
01:10:10.000 --> 01:10:14.000
the Bible says are without repentance, meaning that just because someone is operating in gifts,

1363
01:10:14.000 --> 01:10:18.000
they can quote scripture, they're prophetic, you know, whatever stream you come from,

1364
01:10:18.000 --> 01:10:23.000
whatever gifts go with that, does not mean that they are living an overcoming life.

1365
01:10:23.000 --> 01:10:25.000
It does not mean that.

1366
01:10:25.000 --> 01:10:27.000
Fruit does mean that.

1367
01:10:27.000 --> 01:10:28.000
It does.

1368
01:10:28.000 --> 01:10:30.000
Do they have peace?

1369
01:10:30.000 --> 01:10:31.000
All right.

1370
01:10:31.000 --> 01:10:32.000
Do they have joy?

1371
01:10:32.000 --> 01:10:34.000
Are they patient?

1372
01:10:34.000 --> 01:10:36.000
You know, are they expressing love for other people?

1373
01:10:36.000 --> 01:10:39.000
I'm just going to say, you know, because we just had an election here in America.

1374
01:10:39.000 --> 01:10:45.000
If someone is ranting and raving about human beings and how much they suck and how stupid they are

1375
01:10:45.000 --> 01:10:50.000
and how you're so glad, you know, that that demonic Kamala is not in office,

1376
01:10:50.000 --> 01:10:52.000
they're not a Christian.

1377
01:10:52.000 --> 01:10:54.000
They are not a Christ follower.

1378
01:10:54.000 --> 01:10:55.000
Okay?

1379
01:10:56.000 --> 01:10:59.000
That is a nasty political spirit.

1380
01:10:59.000 --> 01:11:05.000
If you are posting about how horrible people are and you're so thankful that, you know,

1381
01:11:05.000 --> 01:11:09.000
that they're, you know, whatever, that they're going to get what's coming to them,

1382
01:11:09.000 --> 01:11:12.000
that's not a Christ-like thing to say.

1383
01:11:12.000 --> 01:11:14.000
It's not.

1384
01:11:14.000 --> 01:11:15.000
Okay?

1385
01:11:15.000 --> 01:11:20.000
And just because you think that you're on the side of righteousness and those people are not,

1386
01:11:20.000 --> 01:11:25.000
if you feel like that gives you permission to degrade people and to talk bad about people

1387
01:11:25.000 --> 01:11:30.000
and to gossip about people, to make up or perpetuate rumors about people

1388
01:11:30.000 --> 01:11:33.000
that you do not have firsthand knowledge of because you were not there

1389
01:11:33.000 --> 01:11:37.000
and you did not see it happen with your own eyes, then you need to repent.

1390
01:11:37.000 --> 01:11:39.000
It's not godly.

1391
01:11:39.000 --> 01:11:43.000
And I will tell you, when I see people doing that, I unfriend them.

1392
01:11:43.000 --> 01:11:45.000
I block them quietly.

1393
01:11:45.000 --> 01:11:46.000
I delete them.

1394
01:11:46.000 --> 01:11:49.000
I don't have to announce their departure from my page,

1395
01:11:49.000 --> 01:11:53.000
but I do separate myself from that because I don't want to see it.

1396
01:11:53.000 --> 01:11:54.000
Right?

1397
01:11:54.000 --> 01:11:55.000
I don't want to hear it.

1398
01:11:55.000 --> 01:11:56.000
I don't want to see it.

1399
01:11:56.000 --> 01:12:00.000
And so I think right now, more than any time ever,

1400
01:12:00.000 --> 01:12:02.000
you can just look at what people are putting out in the world

1401
01:12:02.000 --> 01:12:04.000
and you can see whether or not they have any fruit.

1402
01:12:04.000 --> 01:12:05.000
Amen?

1403
01:12:08.000 --> 01:12:09.000
We like fruit, y'all.

1404
01:12:09.000 --> 01:12:10.000
Fruit inspectors.

1405
01:12:10.000 --> 01:12:15.000
Remember, nobody's perfect, but if someone has visceral hatred coming out of them

1406
01:12:15.000 --> 01:12:20.000
for another people group, Jesus don't live there.

1407
01:12:22.000 --> 01:12:23.000
Okay?

1408
01:12:24.000 --> 01:12:26.000
And if that offended you,

1409
01:12:29.000 --> 01:12:31.000
I'd like to say I'm sorry, but I'm not.

1410
01:12:31.000 --> 01:12:33.000
I'm sorry.

1411
01:12:33.000 --> 01:12:34.000
I love you.

1412
01:12:34.000 --> 01:12:37.000
I hope that it offended you to repentance.

1413
01:12:37.000 --> 01:12:38.000
Okay?

1414
01:12:38.000 --> 01:12:43.000
Sometimes offense is pointing to an unhealed part of our own heart.

1415
01:12:43.000 --> 01:12:44.000
Okay?

1416
01:12:44.000 --> 01:12:48.000
God did not give you permission to rail against people that disagree with you.

1417
01:12:48.000 --> 01:12:53.000
He did not give you permission to verbally abuse people that disagree.

1418
01:12:54.000 --> 01:12:55.000
Cool?

1419
01:12:57.000 --> 01:12:59.000
That is not, what's it called?

1420
01:12:59.000 --> 01:13:00.000
That's not righteous indignation.

1421
01:13:00.000 --> 01:13:01.000
It's not righteous at all.

1422
01:13:01.000 --> 01:13:03.000
There's nothing righteous about it.

1423
01:13:03.000 --> 01:13:04.000
And if you give me the whole,

1424
01:13:04.000 --> 01:13:07.000
well, Jesus turned over the tables in the temple.

1425
01:13:07.000 --> 01:13:10.000
You guys, that was the spirit of religion that Jesus was coming after,

1426
01:13:10.000 --> 01:13:11.000
not a person.

1427
01:13:11.000 --> 01:13:12.000
A spirit of religion.

1428
01:13:12.000 --> 01:13:13.000
Yeah.

1429
01:13:13.000 --> 01:13:15.000
It's not good, but he wasn't coming after people.

1430
01:13:15.000 --> 01:13:18.000
He was coming after the demons that were working through people.

1431
01:13:18.000 --> 01:13:19.000
That's a big difference.

1432
01:13:19.000 --> 01:13:20.000
Right.

1433
01:13:20.000 --> 01:13:22.000
And specifically religious demons.

1434
01:13:22.000 --> 01:13:23.000
Okay.

1435
01:13:23.000 --> 01:13:25.000
So let's not get that twisted.

1436
01:13:25.000 --> 01:13:28.000
There's a whole theology behind that.

1437
01:13:28.000 --> 01:13:30.000
We are to love people.

1438
01:13:30.000 --> 01:13:31.000
All right.

1439
01:13:32.000 --> 01:13:34.000
And it's important that we do that.

1440
01:13:34.000 --> 01:13:35.000
All right.

1441
01:13:36.000 --> 01:13:37.000
Okay.

1442
01:13:37.000 --> 01:13:38.000
Let's see.

1443
01:13:38.000 --> 01:13:39.000
What do we have coming up?

1444
01:13:39.000 --> 01:13:40.000
We have supernatural Saturday tomorrow.

1445
01:13:40.000 --> 01:13:41.000
We're going to have a full circle.

1446
01:13:41.000 --> 01:13:44.000
And so if you can be with us, you guys, I will be out of pocket again.

1447
01:13:44.000 --> 01:13:45.000
I apologize.

1448
01:13:45.000 --> 01:13:47.000
So there might be a little bit of distractions and disruptions,

1449
01:13:47.000 --> 01:13:49.000
but we're going to press through for that.

1450
01:13:49.000 --> 01:13:52.000
And I think that's it. I think that's all we have, Bethany.

1451
01:13:52.000 --> 01:13:56.000
You have anything more before we.

1452
01:13:56.000 --> 01:13:59.000
Just past session next Tuesday, y'all come ready to learn.

1453
01:13:59.000 --> 01:14:02.000
We have a lot to download into you all.

1454
01:14:02.000 --> 01:14:04.000
In these next few months. So come expectant.

1455
01:14:04.000 --> 01:14:09.000
And that is all that I have. We hope to see you all tomorrow.

1456
01:14:10.000 --> 01:14:11.000
Okay.

1457
01:14:11.000 --> 01:14:14.000
That's I think that's it. Jackie, are you still there?

1458
01:14:16.000 --> 01:14:17.000
Oh, there she is.

1459
01:14:18.000 --> 01:14:20.000
Good night, everyone.