WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:08.520
All right, guys, so anybody have something that's on their mind, on their heart, that

2
00:00:08.520 --> 00:00:11.560
they want to process?

3
00:00:11.560 --> 00:00:13.120
Any wins this week?

4
00:00:13.120 --> 00:00:18.400
Any things that are, got questions, like what's going on?

5
00:00:18.400 --> 00:00:19.400
Andy, go ahead.

6
00:00:19.400 --> 00:00:30.840
So, I'm on week five of the heart work, and I got to the self-preservation techniques

7
00:00:30.840 --> 00:00:31.840
page.

8
00:00:31.840 --> 00:00:32.840
Yeah.

9
00:00:32.840 --> 00:00:40.560
And I noticed that there's a few that jump out to me that are still mine, like probably

10
00:00:40.560 --> 00:00:48.760
the biggest one is withdrawal and passivity.

11
00:00:48.760 --> 00:00:56.920
And I know I tend to be passive and withdraw in romantic relationships, which is one of

12
00:00:56.920 --> 00:01:02.400
the things that women really dislike a lot, but it's like, I don't know how to not be

13
00:01:02.400 --> 00:01:03.400
like that.

14
00:01:03.400 --> 00:01:05.800
That's the problem.

15
00:01:05.800 --> 00:01:07.440
Yeah.

16
00:01:07.440 --> 00:01:13.840
If you're not familiar with the worksheet, it's in, Dana, you just held it up there.

17
00:01:13.840 --> 00:01:15.160
Are you working on the same thing?

18
00:01:15.160 --> 00:01:18.520
You just have it up there?

19
00:01:19.280 --> 00:01:21.280
I have them kind of handy where I can get them if I need them.

20
00:01:21.280 --> 00:01:22.280
Oh, I got it.

21
00:01:22.280 --> 00:01:23.280
Yeah, yeah.

22
00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:24.280
Yeah.

23
00:01:24.280 --> 00:01:27.720
So, the idea of the worksheet, if you haven't got to it, or if it's been a minute, the idea

24
00:01:27.720 --> 00:01:31.360
of the worksheet is to sort of recognize the techniques.

25
00:01:31.360 --> 00:01:34.200
These are just sort of like characteristics, if you will.

26
00:01:34.200 --> 00:01:38.760
They're not necessarily productive techniques, but they are techniques that we as humans

27
00:01:38.760 --> 00:01:43.760
use all the time to protect ourselves and preserve ourselves.

28
00:01:43.760 --> 00:01:47.400
And so, they're negative in a way, but at the same time, they're illuminating to go

29
00:01:47.400 --> 00:01:51.400
down this list and sort of read them and identify some of the things that we use to

30
00:01:51.400 --> 00:01:53.640
try to insulate ourselves and protect ourselves.

31
00:01:53.640 --> 00:02:01.840
And of course, as Andy is pointing out, retreating is one of the things that people do.

32
00:02:01.840 --> 00:02:07.280
Unfortunately, in relationships, especially in relationships you're trying to establish,

33
00:02:07.280 --> 00:02:14.680
that can be really problematic because the relationship, especially upfront and foremost,

34
00:02:14.680 --> 00:02:20.840
it needs for you to be, especially men, to be leading in the relationship, to be initiating

35
00:02:20.840 --> 00:02:22.320
in the relationship.

36
00:02:22.320 --> 00:02:26.680
It really needs in order for there to be the connection that's made.

37
00:02:26.680 --> 00:02:32.200
There needs to be that openness, vulnerability, willingness to get to know somebody.

38
00:02:32.200 --> 00:02:37.240
So it is very vulnerable in that moment, especially in the beginning stage of trying to establish

39
00:02:37.240 --> 00:02:38.860
a relationship.

40
00:02:38.860 --> 00:02:48.820
So anybody have any ideas of maybe how we could help Andy get beyond the sort of retreating,

41
00:02:48.820 --> 00:02:51.700
sort of going away stage?

42
00:02:51.700 --> 00:02:58.620
I should clarify that this typically happens when I'm over, it's not like when at the beginning

43
00:02:58.620 --> 00:03:02.900
of the relationship, but it's really like when I'm in the relationship and I might be

44
00:03:02.900 --> 00:03:11.940
overwhelmed with something or maybe she has something that she is calling me out on and

45
00:03:11.940 --> 00:03:16.020
then I shut down or like, yeah.

46
00:03:16.020 --> 00:03:20.300
I tell you this, this is something actually my son is going through right now.

47
00:03:20.300 --> 00:03:32.700
My son is dating a girl that is, for all intents and purposes, she's most likely going

48
00:03:32.700 --> 00:03:35.620
to be the one, could be the one.

49
00:03:35.620 --> 00:03:42.460
And it's a pretty, this is as far as he's ever gone, he's going to be 29 this year.

50
00:03:42.460 --> 00:03:46.260
And this is as far as he's ever gotten in a relationship.

51
00:03:46.260 --> 00:03:53.940
So he's had a couple of different relationships and for different reasons, they went, they didn't

52
00:03:53.940 --> 00:03:59.700
go all the way and probably for good reasons.

53
00:03:59.700 --> 00:04:05.180
But this particular one is going that way.

54
00:04:05.180 --> 00:04:12.980
And it would seem that in the relationship, because of their age and because of, I think,

55
00:04:12.980 --> 00:04:22.820
probably the seriousness of where they feel about each other, the girl is definitely like,

56
00:04:22.820 --> 00:04:26.500
I'm, we're four months in, we've known each other for a little while, so forth.

57
00:04:26.500 --> 00:04:27.540
I'm really ready.

58
00:04:27.540 --> 00:04:29.100
She's like ready.

59
00:04:29.100 --> 00:04:34.380
I'm ready to know whether this is going to go to a next step.

60
00:04:34.380 --> 00:04:40.500
Now, it doesn't have to be like marriage tomorrow, but she wants to know, hey, is this going,

61
00:04:40.540 --> 00:04:46.980
because it's come to that point where it's like, if they break up now or if they break up any time in the near future,

62
00:04:46.980 --> 00:04:52.060
it's going to be pretty heart-wrenching for both of them because they're sort of that deep in.

63
00:04:52.060 --> 00:04:53.900
And it's good, right?

64
00:04:53.900 --> 00:04:57.700
So it's a very vulnerable place, but it's also very precarious.

65
00:04:57.700 --> 00:04:59.980
And so like he was asking us.

66
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.160
as his parents, like, hey, you know, like, this is happening.

67
00:05:04.160 --> 00:05:08.400
And she's expressed to me, she kind of was quiet for a couple

68
00:05:08.400 --> 00:05:12.880
days and trying to express to me, you know, kind of how she's

69
00:05:12.880 --> 00:05:16.600
feeling. And they're very open that these younger guys, I mean,

70
00:05:16.600 --> 00:05:19.560
these younger kids, man, they're very open these days, they talk

71
00:05:19.560 --> 00:05:21.440
about everything. They're like, we're going to talk about this

72
00:05:21.440 --> 00:05:23.720
and our processes, and they're like, really smart about all

73
00:05:23.720 --> 00:05:26.840
this stuff. And they're willing, like, they don't like some of

74
00:05:26.840 --> 00:05:29.000
these kids, they don't really play a lot of games with each

75
00:05:29.000 --> 00:05:31.760
other. But they're just really, like, almost too serious. I'm

76
00:05:31.760 --> 00:05:35.360
like, you guys are like, really heavy. I mean, it doesn't got to

77
00:05:35.360 --> 00:05:39.000
be this hard. But anyway, that's me. Yeah, she's like, she's

78
00:05:39.000 --> 00:05:43.480
like, she's like, but she is pulling away. And he's like, I

79
00:05:43.480 --> 00:05:47.000
don't know, because I'm fine. I'm all in. But I feel like

80
00:05:47.000 --> 00:05:50.880
she's pulling away. And what we had to sort of get him to

81
00:05:50.880 --> 00:05:55.560
understand is, is that Yeah, what's happening here, Jaron,

82
00:05:56.120 --> 00:06:05.240
is, she's wanting you to pursue. She's wanting you to go toward

83
00:06:05.240 --> 00:06:10.240
her. She's wanting for you to not just like be fine with, hey,

84
00:06:10.240 --> 00:06:12.040
we're hanging out and everything's okay. And we're

85
00:06:12.040 --> 00:06:15.520
getting to know each other. He's like, but I like her and I'm in

86
00:06:15.520 --> 00:06:19.400
and I'm so yeah, but I said, but you have to be a little bit more

87
00:06:19.400 --> 00:06:24.640
intentional at this step. So that she feels comfortable in a

88
00:06:24.640 --> 00:06:29.280
way that she's like, okay, you know, this isn't going to go

89
00:06:29.280 --> 00:06:31.760
south or this isn't gonna like he's not going to just like get

90
00:06:31.760 --> 00:06:35.120
bored with me or whatever. So she's needing some reassertion,

91
00:06:35.240 --> 00:06:40.760
re reassurance. She's needing some input. She's needing some

92
00:06:40.760 --> 00:06:45.640
pursuit. She said, I want you to like she's used this word, maybe

93
00:06:45.640 --> 00:06:51.040
I shouldn't say this, but she goes, she wanted to she, she

94
00:06:51.040 --> 00:06:54.600
put she Okay, I'm not gonna use the phrase. It's nothing wrong

95
00:06:54.600 --> 00:06:56.520
with that. I just don't want to embarrass her is all I'm trying

96
00:06:56.520 --> 00:07:01.840
to say. And but she wanted to basically be, you know, like, I

97
00:07:01.840 --> 00:07:05.720
want you to like, just like be, you know, like, you know, really

98
00:07:05.720 --> 00:07:08.720
like, excited and crazy. And like, you know, basically, she

99
00:07:08.720 --> 00:07:12.160
wants a passion. You know, she just wants like, she wants you

100
00:07:12.160 --> 00:07:15.560
to be she wants him to be excited about her, you know, and

101
00:07:15.560 --> 00:07:21.080
he is. But he is he showing it, right? So it's this game. This

102
00:07:21.080 --> 00:07:23.600
is kind of like, kind of appropriate for this video that

103
00:07:23.600 --> 00:07:27.040
I showed. It is a little bit of a game. It's kind of like this,

104
00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:31.360
like, if you're a guy that's like, just like, you know, chill

105
00:07:31.360 --> 00:07:36.240
and cool, you know, and you're into her and you like her, and

106
00:07:36.240 --> 00:07:39.280
it's going to be like, Hey, I'm cool. I'm committed. I'm loyal.

107
00:07:39.920 --> 00:07:44.960
But she's not seeing that from you, then there is a little bit

108
00:07:44.960 --> 00:07:48.600
of requirement for the guy, you need to initiate some of that

109
00:07:48.800 --> 00:07:53.400
and let her know, hey, you know, I'm in this, you're like, you

110
00:07:53.400 --> 00:07:57.280
know, pursue, get excited, like, drum it up a little bit,

111
00:07:57.280 --> 00:08:01.520
if you have to even get some good buy, get some good advice

112
00:08:01.520 --> 00:08:04.360
for somebody who can help you in a relationship to try to do

113
00:08:04.360 --> 00:08:07.880
this, get some game on, get a little romantic, you know, try

114
00:08:07.880 --> 00:08:10.680
to think of some things that can be very challenging for a guy

115
00:08:10.680 --> 00:08:14.600
who is not super, like, outgoing and dramatic and like, not

116
00:08:14.600 --> 00:08:18.440
romantic. I'm not really one of those guys. I have to work at

117
00:08:18.440 --> 00:08:23.200
that. That is not doesn't come easy. I got like, he's got it on

118
00:08:23.200 --> 00:08:25.720
like he's smooth. He's good with words. He's good with

119
00:08:25.720 --> 00:08:31.400
people. I feel like I'm kind of like romantic like that. Am I

120
00:08:31.400 --> 00:08:32.000
wrong?

121
00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:40.480
I'm unfortunately a little bit. I feel like it's impossible for

122
00:08:40.480 --> 00:08:42.840
me at this point to be like that.

123
00:08:43.520 --> 00:08:46.200
It's not impossible for you. I was impossible for you. You're a

124
00:08:46.200 --> 00:08:46.680
guy.

125
00:08:47.640 --> 00:08:51.720
I just don't feel like I can pursue like that in that way.

126
00:08:52.720 --> 00:08:56.680
Because it's because she's not worthy to pursue or because it's

127
00:08:56.680 --> 00:08:58.040
not in you to pursue.

128
00:08:59.480 --> 00:09:01.240
Um, probably because it's not in me.

129
00:09:02.440 --> 00:09:04.440
Well, then you got a question. What are you doing?

130
00:09:08.520 --> 00:09:09.240
I don't know.

131
00:09:09.680 --> 00:09:12.960
This is a hypothetical right Andy? Or is it are you talking

132
00:09:12.960 --> 00:09:14.040
about a specific person?

133
00:09:14.960 --> 00:09:20.040
Well, I'm kind of thinking about my past and I'm not with anyone

134
00:09:20.280 --> 00:09:23.640
right now. But I'm just thinking about like, my past experience

135
00:09:23.640 --> 00:09:27.320
and how I can be better for the future. But it feels like from

136
00:09:27.320 --> 00:09:31.440
what I've seen in the past, it's like, um, it seems so difficult

137
00:09:31.440 --> 00:09:33.040
to be that kind of person.

138
00:09:34.520 --> 00:09:38.600
That it almost feels like, like it's impossible. That's kind of

139
00:09:38.680 --> 00:09:39.480
how I feel.

140
00:09:41.080 --> 00:09:46.120
Like the being a pursuer like that is just like, not in my

141
00:09:46.120 --> 00:09:49.080
blood, like my nature. That's kind of how I feel.

142
00:09:51.040 --> 00:09:54.040
Anybody got any help? Suggestion? Yeah.

143
00:09:54.760 --> 00:09:59.480
Uh, so for instance, I was a hardcore introvert when I got out

144
00:09:59.480 --> 00:10:00.040
of high school.

145
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.540
out of the army and did not like talking to people

146
00:10:02.540 --> 00:10:07.140
and didn't like socializing, preferred to be a hermit

147
00:10:07.140 --> 00:10:11.180
and started this program, Live Hard by Andy Frisella.

148
00:10:11.180 --> 00:10:14.420
And the last 30 days of it drove me nuts

149
00:10:14.420 --> 00:10:15.860
because I had to have a conversation

150
00:10:15.860 --> 00:10:19.300
with a stranger every single day.

151
00:10:19.300 --> 00:10:23.260
And what he talks about in his podcast is,

152
00:10:23.260 --> 00:10:27.420
it's not that you are incapable of being

153
00:10:27.420 --> 00:10:32.420
this other type of person or this other facet of masculinity

154
00:10:33.260 --> 00:10:37.340
it's that you've never tried it, it's a skillset.

155
00:10:37.340 --> 00:10:42.340
So pursuing someone, whether it's in you or not

156
00:10:42.820 --> 00:10:47.020
requires just some small steps and an action plan

157
00:10:47.020 --> 00:10:49.020
and just take it a little bit at a time.

158
00:10:50.660 --> 00:10:52.220
It's like learning how to whistle,

159
00:10:52.220 --> 00:10:56.500
you have to do it to actually become proficient in it.

160
00:10:58.420 --> 00:10:59.720
It's so good.

161
00:11:00.580 --> 00:11:04.340
Dude, that's a great answer, thank you for that.

162
00:11:04.340 --> 00:11:05.940
Daniel, go ahead and then Mike.

163
00:11:09.620 --> 00:11:11.820
Hey, can you hear me okay?

164
00:11:11.820 --> 00:11:12.820
Yeah.

165
00:11:12.820 --> 00:11:16.260
Yeah, so I guess I'm seeking some advice here.

166
00:11:16.260 --> 00:11:18.980
About a month ago, I connected with one of the women

167
00:11:18.980 --> 00:11:23.640
in our community and it's been going really great.

168
00:11:23.640 --> 00:11:27.220
Really great, we talk every day.

169
00:11:28.020 --> 00:11:30.540
We've had a lot of really great conversations.

170
00:11:30.540 --> 00:11:32.820
She lives out of state, so I'm flying to see her

171
00:11:32.820 --> 00:11:34.820
in like a week and a half, two weeks.

172
00:11:36.740 --> 00:11:41.020
And so paying attention, I'd say we're definitely level two.

173
00:11:41.020 --> 00:11:46.020
And the question is, at what point do we seriously consider

174
00:11:46.420 --> 00:11:49.420
going to level three and kind of being exclusive?

175
00:11:49.420 --> 00:11:51.460
At this point, I'm not interested in scouring

176
00:11:51.460 --> 00:11:54.700
the dating apps or kind of pursuing anything else.

177
00:11:54.700 --> 00:11:57.260
I know she's not talking to anybody either.

178
00:11:57.260 --> 00:11:59.660
And so part of it feels like we're just kind of

179
00:11:59.660 --> 00:12:00.740
biding our time.

180
00:12:01.580 --> 00:12:03.340
She's actually from Portland.

181
00:12:03.340 --> 00:12:06.860
And so she's going to come up in January.

182
00:12:06.860 --> 00:12:08.700
And one of the things she had said was like,

183
00:12:08.700 --> 00:12:11.500
she said, maybe you should wait until you see me in Portland

184
00:12:11.500 --> 00:12:14.260
because she's going to be different around her family

185
00:12:14.260 --> 00:12:16.220
and kind of on her home turf and stuff.

186
00:12:17.140 --> 00:12:19.620
But I think she's going to probably bring this up

187
00:12:19.620 --> 00:12:21.540
also in the women's group.

188
00:12:21.540 --> 00:12:23.060
But I think I'm just looking for some,

189
00:12:23.100 --> 00:12:25.900
just some solid advice on what should I look for

190
00:12:25.900 --> 00:12:29.340
when I go visit and how do we know we're ready

191
00:12:29.340 --> 00:12:30.260
for level three?

192
00:12:31.580 --> 00:12:36.100
I thought you were going to give a little bit of insight

193
00:12:36.100 --> 00:12:36.940
for Andy.

194
00:12:36.940 --> 00:12:39.020
So we'll come back to Andy as well.

195
00:12:39.020 --> 00:12:41.580
Not leaving you on read, Andy.

196
00:12:41.580 --> 00:12:43.660
No, I think David was right.

197
00:12:43.660 --> 00:12:45.060
You just need reps.

198
00:12:45.060 --> 00:12:45.900
You just need reps.

199
00:12:45.900 --> 00:12:46.940
You just got to get out there,

200
00:12:46.940 --> 00:12:48.820
push yourself outside of your comfort zone.

201
00:12:48.820 --> 00:12:50.620
Yeah, there's that for sure.

202
00:12:50.620 --> 00:12:52.300
And I want to come back to that a little bit though,

203
00:12:52.300 --> 00:12:56.380
because I think there's a broader thing with men in general

204
00:12:56.380 --> 00:12:57.700
in that area as well.

205
00:12:59.220 --> 00:13:01.900
But Daniel, did you say this is the first time

206
00:13:01.900 --> 00:13:03.660
you're seeing her in person?

207
00:13:03.660 --> 00:13:04.860
Yep, yep.

208
00:13:04.860 --> 00:13:06.180
So this is the first time.

209
00:13:06.180 --> 00:13:07.580
I just want to clarify that.

210
00:13:08.740 --> 00:13:12.540
Definitely, you really cannot go to level three

211
00:13:12.540 --> 00:13:15.340
without having met this person in person.

212
00:13:15.340 --> 00:13:16.620
I mean, this is no doubt.

213
00:13:16.620 --> 00:13:18.220
So that's crucial, right?

214
00:13:18.220 --> 00:13:23.220
Obviously, because there's so much that you intuitively learn

215
00:13:23.900 --> 00:13:26.220
just by being in someone's presence.

216
00:13:26.220 --> 00:13:31.220
I mean, just the unspoken, how they appear,

217
00:13:36.100 --> 00:13:39.860
what their presence is like, even pheromonally,

218
00:13:39.860 --> 00:13:44.700
like how they smell, just like all of those senses

219
00:13:44.700 --> 00:13:46.740
come into play when you meet somebody in person.

220
00:13:46.740 --> 00:13:47.740
So obviously there's that.

221
00:13:48.260 --> 00:13:49.340
So this is good that you're doing that.

222
00:13:49.340 --> 00:13:54.300
So I guess you'd have to come away from that initial meeting,

223
00:13:54.300 --> 00:13:57.620
have the greatest, best, fun time that you can

224
00:13:57.620 --> 00:13:59.380
in that situation.

225
00:13:59.380 --> 00:14:03.580
And then when you're away from that,

226
00:14:03.580 --> 00:14:08.620
after you've gone home, or if you're still there,

227
00:14:08.620 --> 00:14:11.340
but you're sort of in your private moment,

228
00:14:11.340 --> 00:14:12.620
you just have to evaluate yourself,

229
00:14:12.620 --> 00:14:15.180
like, man, am I into this girl?

230
00:14:15.180 --> 00:14:17.180
I've connected with her on the video,

231
00:14:17.620 --> 00:14:19.460
on the phone, and all that kind of stuff,

232
00:14:19.460 --> 00:14:22.620
kind of mentally, sort of in the soul realm.

233
00:14:22.620 --> 00:14:24.740
But now you're in her presence physically.

234
00:14:25.940 --> 00:14:27.580
Are you attracted?

235
00:14:27.580 --> 00:14:30.660
Are you still excited to get to know her further?

236
00:14:30.660 --> 00:14:33.220
And so that's where you would just pursue

237
00:14:33.220 --> 00:14:38.220
those sort of feelings, thoughts, and experience that.

238
00:14:38.980 --> 00:14:40.580
And then you'd be like,

239
00:14:40.580 --> 00:14:42.380
I don't really have any other prospects,

240
00:14:42.380 --> 00:14:44.740
and probably she doesn't either.

241
00:14:44.740 --> 00:14:47.820
So maybe at some point we decided to go to level three,

242
00:14:47.820 --> 00:14:51.620
which is just basically exclusive with each other.

243
00:14:51.620 --> 00:14:52.660
Right, yeah.

244
00:14:52.660 --> 00:14:54.100
Yeah.

245
00:14:54.100 --> 00:14:57.620
So, I mean, I guess that would be the basic answer for me.

246
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.200
I don't really want to overcomplicate things, because honestly, this is kind of like getting

247
00:15:04.200 --> 00:15:10.320
back to Anderson, is that, you know, I think men and women, we do it differently, but men

248
00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:17.200
and we're talking to men tonight, it's like, I think there's about three things or four

249
00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:19.760
things, you know, what are those three things?

250
00:15:19.760 --> 00:15:21.220
What are those four things?

251
00:15:21.220 --> 00:15:23.920
It's not about the things, it's just the amount of things.

252
00:15:23.920 --> 00:15:30.160
There's three or four, maybe two or three, whatever, but there's not nine or 12.

253
00:15:30.160 --> 00:15:32.380
That's the point I'm trying to make.

254
00:15:32.380 --> 00:15:33.720
And you're asking, what are you talking about?

255
00:15:33.720 --> 00:15:38.600
I'm talking about, there are about two or three things that you need that are connecting

256
00:15:38.600 --> 00:15:45.600
with this person before you realize this is the person that I really want to, like, I

257
00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:47.760
could see myself spending the rest of my life with this person.

258
00:15:47.760 --> 00:15:48.800
I really dig this person.

259
00:15:48.800 --> 00:15:53.300
I like her and I'm into her, you know, and then it's like, it's on.

260
00:15:53.300 --> 00:15:55.860
It's like, it's a yes until it's a no sort of thing.

261
00:15:55.860 --> 00:15:58.220
Like you're going hard after it.

262
00:15:58.220 --> 00:16:01.260
Like you're just going step by step by step by step, right?

263
00:16:01.260 --> 00:16:05.820
There's nothing impeding you, your interest isn't divided to somewhere else, to someone

264
00:16:05.820 --> 00:16:06.820
else or anything.

265
00:16:06.820 --> 00:16:11.100
You're like, this is, this is, I'm pursuing this, right?

266
00:16:11.100 --> 00:16:14.220
I don't think there's nine or 12 things that need to be on that list.

267
00:16:14.220 --> 00:16:18.820
I think there's about three or four and you have to decide what they are.

268
00:16:18.820 --> 00:16:19.940
Is it the color of her hair?

269
00:16:19.940 --> 00:16:21.700
Is it like, you know, the way that she appears?

270
00:16:21.700 --> 00:16:23.540
Is it the way her voice sounds?

271
00:16:23.540 --> 00:16:24.540
Is it what she's into?

272
00:16:24.540 --> 00:16:31.260
I mean, like just, you just a couple things to make this, to make this connection.

273
00:16:31.260 --> 00:16:34.300
And then the rest is figured out through relationship.

274
00:16:34.300 --> 00:16:39.580
And what I'm trying to say is that men and women, we, we, we both do it.

275
00:16:39.580 --> 00:16:44.540
We put all of these things in the way first to go, Oh, all these things need to be knocked

276
00:16:44.540 --> 00:16:50.660
over or ticked over or checked out or, you know, examine first before we decide to get

277
00:16:50.660 --> 00:16:54.620
into this quote relationship thing.

278
00:16:54.620 --> 00:17:01.980
And that just is, I mean, that's going to make you go around the mountain 50,000 times.

279
00:17:01.980 --> 00:17:05.740
This is why, you know, a lot of people are just like, I'm in my own way.

280
00:17:05.740 --> 00:17:06.740
I'm in my own way.

281
00:17:06.740 --> 00:17:07.740
I'm in my way.

282
00:17:07.740 --> 00:17:08.740
Yeah.

283
00:17:08.740 --> 00:17:13.140
Because you know, you're, you're not willing just to go pursue the relationship and see

284
00:17:13.140 --> 00:17:16.280
what the relationship does.

285
00:17:16.280 --> 00:17:19.599
You know, if it's a deal breaker, then just like, yeah, this is a, this is just a deal

286
00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:20.599
break for me.

287
00:17:21.540 --> 00:17:24.000
It's okay to come to that conclusion very quickly and then move on.

288
00:17:24.000 --> 00:17:25.599
That's great.

289
00:17:25.599 --> 00:17:30.460
So it's not like, you know, you don't take every person to the end through in relationship,

290
00:17:30.460 --> 00:17:33.920
but if you've got about two or three or four things that you're connecting on with this

291
00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:37.680
person, like, I really dig this person, you know, yeah, there's some things, maybe they're

292
00:17:37.680 --> 00:17:41.520
not perfect, whatever, but I, like Abram, you kind of had this situation a few weeks

293
00:17:41.520 --> 00:17:47.120
ago, like, and you were asking about the whole health thing because you were into this person,

294
00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:48.120
you were into her.

295
00:17:48.120 --> 00:17:49.520
You were like, you thought she was good.

296
00:17:49.520 --> 00:17:53.240
She thought she was a good person that it could have been a good match, but there was

297
00:17:53.240 --> 00:17:54.240
that one thing.

298
00:17:54.240 --> 00:17:57.020
And you had to kind of know that pursue that.

299
00:17:57.020 --> 00:17:58.020
And it worked out.

300
00:17:58.020 --> 00:18:01.320
And it was just like, yeah, that's going to be kind of a deal breaker.

301
00:18:01.320 --> 00:18:02.960
And so it just ended up and you're like, oh, cool.

302
00:18:02.960 --> 00:18:03.960
That's it.

303
00:18:03.960 --> 00:18:04.960
Still like her still cool.

304
00:18:04.960 --> 00:18:10.320
You know, whatever, no harm, no foul moving on.

305
00:18:10.320 --> 00:18:14.440
But when you're like, when you, when someone's like pushing your button and you're like,

306
00:18:14.440 --> 00:18:18.520
okay, this is like where my son's at right now, there's, there's probably more than four

307
00:18:18.520 --> 00:18:21.920
things that they're connecting and they're connecting on a lot of things.

308
00:18:21.920 --> 00:18:26.080
And so the thing about it is, is that he's now in a precarious moment where he has to

309
00:18:26.080 --> 00:18:29.360
push himself.

310
00:18:29.360 --> 00:18:35.560
Like David was saying to, to do the reps, to, to get into like the mode of, I'm not

311
00:18:35.560 --> 00:18:41.000
just Mr. Nice guy or Mr. Boyfriend who like someone thinks I'm cute.

312
00:18:41.000 --> 00:18:43.040
I am now have to step into manhood.

313
00:18:43.040 --> 00:18:45.520
I have to step into like pursuit.

314
00:18:45.520 --> 00:18:50.800
I have to step into like showing that this is what I want.

315
00:18:50.800 --> 00:18:54.080
And so I have to like get training.

316
00:18:54.080 --> 00:18:59.760
I have to get whatever I have to get in order to win this, this person's attention, this

317
00:18:59.760 --> 00:19:07.800
woman's attention and keep it and let her know that, you know, this is where we're going.

318
00:19:07.800 --> 00:19:09.360
And that takes a lot of confidence.

319
00:19:09.360 --> 00:19:12.120
It takes a lot of courage.

320
00:19:12.120 --> 00:19:14.640
I'm not saying it's easy.

321
00:19:14.760 --> 00:19:19.360
So I am, I am, I guess I'm putting that out as a, as a challenge.

322
00:19:19.360 --> 00:19:21.400
Like that's a good challenge.

323
00:19:21.400 --> 00:19:28.720
That's a good thing to take on because it like, like it's scary and it can be very frightening,

324
00:19:28.720 --> 00:19:37.160
but it is very, very like it's a, it's a man up situation, you know, and all of you can

325
00:19:37.160 --> 00:19:38.440
do it.

326
00:19:38.440 --> 00:19:42.200
All of you are incredibly gifted and powerful to do it.

327
00:19:42.200 --> 00:19:46.480
You just have to assert your, your, your best assets.

328
00:19:46.480 --> 00:19:49.440
So I think I answered Daniel's question.

329
00:19:49.440 --> 00:19:51.800
Anybody else have any input into this?

330
00:19:51.800 --> 00:20:00.040
I'll just, um, having been a couple, well, I mean, it's a dry F4.

331
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.920
a long drive situation, not necessarily a fly across the States.

332
00:20:04.120 --> 00:20:08.040
Right. But I would just give Daniel for this round.

333
00:20:08.240 --> 00:20:11.680
I mean, like nothing has to be determined.

334
00:20:11.880 --> 00:20:14.040
Right. Just go and have some fun.

335
00:20:14.240 --> 00:20:17.240
Right. Like, you know, I got there and I'm like, man, I got to figure out.

336
00:20:17.440 --> 00:20:20.000
I got to do all these things. I got to see how we fit.

337
00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:21.680
And then it's like then it's not even fun.

338
00:20:21.880 --> 00:20:24.480
You're so serious. Go be you.

339
00:20:24.680 --> 00:20:25.960
Go.

340
00:20:26.920 --> 00:20:30.880
My fun and see how I don't know, I've been in a couple of these where I had this

341
00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:33.480
huge checklist in my mind and I was like, man, I need to check this off because I

342
00:20:33.680 --> 00:20:37.080
want to be honoring of her and it just ended up being this huge.

343
00:20:37.280 --> 00:20:38.480
I wasn't even me.

344
00:20:38.680 --> 00:20:41.080
I was like the analytical me, which is not the fun me.

345
00:20:41.280 --> 00:20:42.560
Right. And so. Yeah.

346
00:20:42.760 --> 00:20:47.040
And so, like, just be you and see how you guys gel.

347
00:20:47.240 --> 00:20:48.640
I mean, that would be the next thing.

348
00:20:48.840 --> 00:20:51.520
Don't worry about stage three, stage four, stage ten.

349
00:20:51.720 --> 00:20:54.520
Like, just go and have some fun.

350
00:20:54.760 --> 00:20:58.000
Like, just go be you have fun.

351
00:20:58.200 --> 00:21:01.760
Everything else will play out.

352
00:21:04.400 --> 00:21:09.760
So and I know and I just had something for

353
00:21:09.960 --> 00:21:13.400
and Andy, I guess my thing to you is just.

354
00:21:13.600 --> 00:21:18.320
Like, what do you look at what you're afraid of and go conquer it, right,

355
00:21:18.320 --> 00:21:21.360
like, you know, like there's a reason why we don't do things and like, do we have

356
00:21:21.360 --> 00:21:26.760
a trauma, is there a trauma in your life that's causing you to like, I mean,

357
00:21:26.960 --> 00:21:30.360
because like when I was growing up, I wasn't allowed to talk to a parent,

358
00:21:30.560 --> 00:21:32.080
like to an adult.

359
00:21:35.520 --> 00:21:39.120
So stuff and so like for the longest time to actually chat with people.

360
00:21:39.320 --> 00:21:42.880
So I would say, hey, I think what David was sharing is amazing.

361
00:21:43.080 --> 00:21:44.120
Right. Get the reps.

362
00:21:44.320 --> 00:21:46.440
It's not you're capable of it.

363
00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:49.320
You just need to you just need to strengthen that muscle.

364
00:21:49.560 --> 00:21:52.960
And, you know, and and any time.

365
00:21:53.160 --> 00:21:57.320
You don't want to do something, you ask yourself, what am I afraid of?

366
00:21:57.520 --> 00:22:01.080
And that's what I do, like, you know, like, you know, with the gal like Daniel,

367
00:22:01.080 --> 00:22:03.680
you get there and you're like, man, all of a sudden I have this fear.

368
00:22:03.680 --> 00:22:05.080
It's like, wait, I really like this gal.

369
00:22:05.280 --> 00:22:07.680
I think that's what you're you're your son's having, David.

370
00:22:07.680 --> 00:22:09.120
It's like, I really like this gal and I'm

371
00:22:09.320 --> 00:22:13.720
afraid that I'm going to do something wrong, but like.

372
00:22:13.920 --> 00:22:16.560
Yeah, he's afraid like

373
00:22:16.760 --> 00:22:18.560
he's afraid to be disingenuine,

374
00:22:18.560 --> 00:22:21.920
he's afraid to be not his real self because he's like, well, this is not me.

375
00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:22.920
And I'm like, well,

376
00:22:23.120 --> 00:22:26.320
you kind of have to step out of yourself a little bit sometimes.

377
00:22:26.520 --> 00:22:29.440
And what if you don't want to not be you, though?

378
00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:31.880
I'm sorry. The thing is that I feel like I need

379
00:22:32.080 --> 00:22:36.640
specifics that I need to be told specific things or what to do, because if you tell

380
00:22:36.840 --> 00:22:40.880
me, go do it and I don't know what it is, I don't know what to do.

381
00:22:41.080 --> 00:22:43.960
Yeah. And Andy, can I say something real quick?

382
00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:45.800
This won't take long.

383
00:22:46.280 --> 00:22:49.480
You're I can I can see in you like a real

384
00:22:49.680 --> 00:22:53.800
logical mind, like ABC, like what do I do to ABC?

385
00:22:54.000 --> 00:22:59.480
And I'm going to I've said I've talked to Mike about this and I don't I don't know

386
00:22:59.680 --> 00:23:04.200
if Mike wants to throw a shoe at my face now, but go.

387
00:23:04.400 --> 00:23:07.160
Like, pray, ask God to protect your eyes

388
00:23:07.360 --> 00:23:11.440
and your heart and go scroll YouTube videos on attracting women.

389
00:23:11.640 --> 00:23:16.920
There's some there's some good videos by a woman named Apollonia Aponte.

390
00:23:17.120 --> 00:23:19.000
And I'm just going to be honest with you,

391
00:23:19.200 --> 00:23:23.120
like if there's not some stuff that's a little edgy in it, it's not the right

392
00:23:23.320 --> 00:23:26.080
videos now, David might say, shut up, Chris.

393
00:23:26.280 --> 00:23:28.800
But I think that there's just some things

394
00:23:29.000 --> 00:23:32.960
that you'll see that you'll get and you'll be like, oh, I get it.

395
00:23:33.160 --> 00:23:36.240
And it's like one of the a lot of those

396
00:23:36.440 --> 00:23:40.040
videos, like I've actually paid for like things like that.

397
00:23:40.040 --> 00:23:42.880
And I never actually got anything out of it.

398
00:23:43.080 --> 00:23:44.800
I'm kind of discouraged because I've

399
00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:48.680
watched tons and tons of those kind of videos and nothing really helped me.

400
00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:53.480
Like, I really feel like I need someone like literally to handhold me to it.

401
00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:57.200
Like I think I feel like that's the only way I can get through it.

402
00:23:57.400 --> 00:23:58.600
That's how I feel right now.

403
00:23:58.800 --> 00:24:01.080
Who is someone that's in proximity to you?

404
00:24:01.280 --> 00:24:05.080
That's that kind of a person that has that skill set.

405
00:24:05.280 --> 00:24:06.320
Beats me.

406
00:24:06.520 --> 00:24:08.480
You got to find them.

407
00:24:09.480 --> 00:24:12.360
A quick suggestion for you.

408
00:24:13.040 --> 00:24:16.840
If you're up for any,

409
00:24:17.800 --> 00:24:24.400
just go to the supermarket and walk up to random people and just give them compliments

410
00:24:24.600 --> 00:24:26.720
like, hey, I really love your shoes today.

411
00:24:26.920 --> 00:24:28.320
That's a beautiful shirt.

412
00:24:28.520 --> 00:24:30.480
Just simple things like that.

413
00:24:30.680 --> 00:24:33.360
And just try that with complete strangers.

414
00:24:33.560 --> 00:24:35.200
You know?

415
00:24:36.200 --> 00:24:37.200
Hmm.

416
00:24:37.400 --> 00:24:41.440
I mean, that sounds difficult, but

417
00:24:41.640 --> 00:24:42.880
it does.

418
00:24:43.080 --> 00:24:44.480
You're going to have me coming.

419
00:24:44.680 --> 00:24:46.000
Oh, sorry. Go ahead, David.

420
00:24:46.200 --> 00:24:49.200
No, that's good, because, David, I like that because, I mean,

421
00:24:49.400 --> 00:24:53.920
Andy, here's the thing, we can come with a bunch of advice and we

422
00:24:54.120 --> 00:24:59.880
can come a bunch of list of things right on this call, but we're not in proximity to you.

423
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.720
if you you need like a wingman and um if you can't find somebody in proximity to you

424
00:25:07.280 --> 00:25:13.840
you're going to have to exercise this muscle like David is saying and one way to do that would be

425
00:25:13.840 --> 00:25:19.840
with complete strangers because the idea the concept of why of why he's telling you to do that

426
00:25:19.840 --> 00:25:29.920
is because a conversation like that gives you the opportunity to be able to learn how people react

427
00:25:29.920 --> 00:25:36.080
how people would react to a compliment it opens them up usually if you give somebody a compliment

428
00:25:36.080 --> 00:25:40.480
that'll open somebody up to actually have a conversation with you having more and more

429
00:25:40.480 --> 00:25:49.280
conversations with just people in general teaches you the ability to be able to to you know find out

430
00:25:49.280 --> 00:25:56.080
what people like and how they like to be treated this is the same way that a woman wants to be

431
00:25:56.080 --> 00:26:01.760
treated you know you're like they want to be complimented they want to be um so we were saying

432
00:26:01.760 --> 00:26:07.680
early though they want to feel safe and secure you have to work at that you might have to work

433
00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:12.320
out a little bit harder than someone else in order to develop those relational skills but

434
00:26:12.320 --> 00:26:18.000
you have to start somewhere and I think that's what David's trying to suggest you know you need

435
00:26:18.080 --> 00:26:26.080
to be you need to go uh in a sort of a course of life of learning how to converse and relate

436
00:26:26.800 --> 00:26:33.840
have relationship with people have relationship just on even just on a very surface level

437
00:26:34.400 --> 00:26:41.280
and so that's why strangers or wherever your community is um people that are around you

438
00:26:41.760 --> 00:26:48.560
you have to find somebody or pray lord send somebody across my path that could be a wingman

439
00:26:48.560 --> 00:26:54.880
for me some send somebody across my path who can be a friend to show me like I think we all have

440
00:26:54.880 --> 00:27:02.400
I think I can point to people that were friends of mine that I didn't ask them to do this but

441
00:27:02.400 --> 00:27:10.560
they just were friends enough of mine to show me like how to be personable how to be like confident

442
00:27:10.560 --> 00:27:15.200
how to be I learned these from being in relationship with other people that were around

443
00:27:15.200 --> 00:27:21.840
me and I wasn't even asking for it they were just friends enough of mine that they were different

444
00:27:21.840 --> 00:27:27.200
personality and I learned by observing them and said why does that guy get to talk to everybody

445
00:27:27.200 --> 00:27:31.360
why does everybody like that guy why does everybody you know like always want to listen what that guy

446
00:27:31.360 --> 00:27:36.320
has to say and I watched them because I was just like how does he do it what does he say you know

447
00:27:36.320 --> 00:27:43.200
how does he like you know how does he endear himself so so many people you have to be a student

448
00:27:43.200 --> 00:27:47.760
and observer of this and other people and then start like applying it to yourself

449
00:27:51.200 --> 00:27:55.280
that's that's the short answer if you will I mean obviously you can go into more depth

450
00:27:55.280 --> 00:28:02.720
anybody else have anything for this I just wanted to share uh pretty much uh early when so you guys

451
00:28:02.720 --> 00:28:08.560
I shared a couple weeks ago that like my company just obliterated everybody right and so I've been

452
00:28:08.560 --> 00:28:12.400
like lord I don't see any future here for this company I don't see it lasting five years

453
00:28:12.960 --> 00:28:19.280
and so the guy who I replaced is a good friend of mine he moved to Apple and I was in the last

454
00:28:19.280 --> 00:28:24.400
rounds of interviews with Apple and then I couldn't make it because of my experience but anyways

455
00:28:24.400 --> 00:28:30.080
long story short that was like three years ago so this week my friend who moved to Apple who I took

456
00:28:30.080 --> 00:28:35.920
over for he's like hey guess what um they don't hire for the Bay Area because it's too expensive

457
00:28:35.920 --> 00:28:40.560
they have an Austin they have different locations but they they fill but they don't hire which is

458
00:28:40.560 --> 00:28:47.840
whatever he's like hey in my department there's an opening coming up in December and this week

459
00:28:47.840 --> 00:28:54.320
and this week we're gonna uh he's gonna send me the um he's gonna help me with my resume and um

460
00:28:54.320 --> 00:28:59.200
and coach me on how to get through the how to get through all the interviews but I just want like

461
00:28:59.200 --> 00:29:03.600
you know so like I was like lord I need a way out and then this is the job that I've been I was

462
00:29:03.600 --> 00:29:08.080
trying to get three years ago you know and the Jackie was talking about full circle a couple

463
00:29:08.720 --> 00:29:13.440
weeks ago on Saturday Saturday Supernatural Saturday I'm like lord what is my full circle

464
00:29:13.440 --> 00:29:19.520
and I'm like I mean like this just seems like I'm just I'm just saying this is my job and it's

465
00:29:19.520 --> 00:29:24.400
come it's full circle because last time when I interviewed I knew I was gonna be working there

466
00:29:24.960 --> 00:29:27.600
but then it didn't work out and I was so confused

467
00:29:28.400 --> 00:29:31.440
right I was like you know and so I just wanted to encourage you like the lord

468
00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:37.920
working even when you don't see it hey

469
00:29:41.600 --> 00:29:47.920
yeah yeah yeah yeah the lord's working we even don't see it yeah thank you for that share

470
00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:54.400
um and yeah we're we're rejoicing with you and that win that sounds like it could be and

471
00:29:54.400 --> 00:29:59.440
gonna be a win and a path out is your is your company a startup company

472
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.720
You wouldn't think it is, they've been around for 20 years,

473
00:30:02.720 --> 00:30:06.080
but it really is like a 20-year-old startup.

474
00:30:06.080 --> 00:30:10.960
Well, our main customer is Seagate and they're very cyclical.

475
00:30:10.960 --> 00:30:16.000
And so we're putting all our eggs in that and I'm like, I just don't see it.

476
00:30:16.000 --> 00:30:20.800
Well, good. I'm glad you're having some wins there.

477
00:30:20.800 --> 00:30:23.200
That's so good. Thank you for sharing that.

478
00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:29.200
Andy, you're going to pursue observing relationships. Yes?

479
00:30:29.200 --> 00:30:33.200
Observing?

480
00:30:33.200 --> 00:30:41.200
Yeah, you're going to observe people and learn from people that you're around.

481
00:30:41.200 --> 00:30:45.200
And if you're not around people, then you've got to go somewhere where you're around people

482
00:30:45.200 --> 00:30:49.200
and you're going to observe the...

483
00:30:49.200 --> 00:30:57.200
I want you to sort of test yourself to be aware of people like,

484
00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:07.200
oh, this guy seems to be successful at being complimentary or being very personable.

485
00:31:07.200 --> 00:31:11.200
I need to observe this person.

486
00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:15.200
I need to observe this person.

487
00:31:15.200 --> 00:31:21.200
And I would make it a matter of prayer and just say, Lord, I need to be around people that can show me these things

488
00:31:21.200 --> 00:31:25.200
because I have developed these relational skills.

489
00:31:25.200 --> 00:31:29.200
And I believe he'll start bringing and showing you things,

490
00:31:29.200 --> 00:31:34.200
showing you people that can show you how to be relational.

491
00:31:34.200 --> 00:31:36.200
You can do it.

492
00:31:36.200 --> 00:31:46.200
I believe there's actually a unique girl that's going to find the way you are very endearing.

493
00:31:46.200 --> 00:31:51.200
So I think there's a uniqueness about you and the setup that you have.

494
00:31:51.200 --> 00:31:54.200
But I love the fact that you're interested, you're aware.

495
00:31:54.200 --> 00:31:57.200
The fact that like, you know, this doesn't come natural to me.

496
00:31:57.200 --> 00:32:02.200
Well, just a matter of, you're just going to have to work at it a little bit.

497
00:32:02.200 --> 00:32:05.200
But you can do it. It's not impossible.

498
00:32:05.200 --> 00:32:08.200
You don't want to wreck that sort of mindset that you have.

499
00:32:08.200 --> 00:32:10.200
It is not impossible for you.

500
00:32:10.200 --> 00:32:12.200
You can be relational.

501
00:32:12.200 --> 00:32:22.200
There is definitely someone uniquely qualified and intricately going to be interested in you in a very endearing way.

502
00:32:22.200 --> 00:32:24.200
I believe that.

503
00:32:24.200 --> 00:32:27.200
Abram, what do you got?

504
00:32:27.200 --> 00:32:32.200
Get your hand raised.

505
00:32:32.200 --> 00:32:33.200
Can you guys hear me?

506
00:32:33.200 --> 00:32:34.200
Yeah, a little bit.

507
00:32:34.200 --> 00:32:36.200
My voice is shot here, so sorry, guys.

508
00:32:36.200 --> 00:32:38.200
Got a little sinus crap the last couple of days.

509
00:32:38.200 --> 00:32:41.200
But Andy, so I'm like you, man.

510
00:32:41.200 --> 00:32:43.200
We're like analytical.

511
00:32:43.200 --> 00:32:45.200
And we're like pragmatic.

512
00:32:45.200 --> 00:32:47.200
And we're kind of like robotic like that.

513
00:32:47.200 --> 00:32:50.200
So I relate to what you're saying on that.

514
00:32:50.200 --> 00:33:00.200
And I also appreciate like direct guidance, right?

515
00:33:01.200 --> 00:33:09.200
Also, like with me, because of that stuff, and I think women just operate differently than us when it comes to conflict resolution.

516
00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:18.200
Like once you're in the relationship and you get to know somebody, like you have to kind of ignore your stuff and realize like it's a chick.

517
00:33:18.200 --> 00:33:21.200
And they're kind of thinking the way they think, which is more emotional.

518
00:33:21.200 --> 00:33:23.200
And like tone's massive.

519
00:33:24.200 --> 00:33:30.200
So these are just little baby things, dude, that because you're a smart guy and, you know, you can figure that out within one second.

520
00:33:30.200 --> 00:33:35.200
So we have to like not be so manly or whatever, just analytical or whatever.

521
00:33:35.200 --> 00:33:41.200
And, you know, just be more like more heart with good tone.

522
00:33:41.200 --> 00:33:44.200
So you could practice this with coworkers, right?

523
00:33:44.200 --> 00:33:48.200
So whoever the people are that are closest to you, you practice on them, right?

524
00:33:48.200 --> 00:33:57.200
You go to the grocery store and you're picking out pasta or sauce, you know, and there's a chick or even a dude, man, you know, hey, what kind of pasta do you like, bro, why?

525
00:33:57.200 --> 00:33:58.200
You know?

526
00:33:58.200 --> 00:34:03.200
And you can work on your tone a little bit and maybe get a little bit more social and get outside your box of hair, you know?

527
00:34:04.200 --> 00:34:24.199
I read a lot of self-help books on like how to get girls back in the day, like Mac books and stuff, which work from a psychological standpoint, like stand up straight, face them, no negative body language, like you never cross your arms on a date.

528
00:34:24.199 --> 00:34:29.199
So there's a lot of self-help books out there, like how to get laid, I guess.

529
00:34:30.199 --> 00:34:34.199
But like for me, you know, I don't want to use those powers for bad anymore, you know?

530
00:34:34.199 --> 00:34:36.199
It's not about the checking the boxes.

531
00:34:37.199 --> 00:34:38.199
Yeah.

532
00:34:38.199 --> 00:34:39.199
Do you know any man whores?

533
00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:41.199
You got any dudes that are just walling out there, man?

534
00:34:41.199 --> 00:34:44.199
Just they got all the check, like, you know, any guys like that?

535
00:34:47.199 --> 00:34:54.199
Their strategies like are good, but you can't use that power for evil anymore, you know?

536
00:34:55.199 --> 00:34:56.199
It's wrong.

537
00:34:56.199 --> 00:35:00.200
But those guys, like you could tell those guys, man, they know how to do it.

538
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.240
I talk to girls, stuff like that.

539
00:35:02.240 --> 00:35:03.280
So I don't know if you know any guys

540
00:35:03.280 --> 00:35:05.160
that are good with the ladies.

541
00:35:05.160 --> 00:35:07.040
You can maybe pick up on a couple of things.

542
00:35:07.040 --> 00:35:08.040
That's my little suggestion.

543
00:35:08.040 --> 00:35:10.920
Or if there's a coworker you have that, you know,

544
00:35:10.920 --> 00:35:13.000
I don't know, a little stuff, but I think start with the co-workers.

545
00:35:13.000 --> 00:35:15.520
I do have a friend who's kind of outgoing,

546
00:35:15.520 --> 00:35:18.760
but he's awkwardly outgoing.

547
00:35:18.760 --> 00:35:21.040
Like he'll say like uncomfortable things.

548
00:35:21.040 --> 00:35:22.240
Oh, he tries too hard, yeah.

549
00:35:22.240 --> 00:35:24.720
Tries too hard, then he gets awkward again.

550
00:35:24.720 --> 00:35:26.880
That's probably not the guy.

551
00:35:26.920 --> 00:35:30.960
Well, you could follow his lead the first five minutes.

552
00:35:30.960 --> 00:35:31.760
You could, yeah.

553
00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:33.400
Yeah, it's like, okay.

554
00:35:33.400 --> 00:35:35.000
You can go so far.

555
00:35:35.000 --> 00:35:37.080
He's still single.

556
00:35:37.080 --> 00:35:38.000
Yeah.

557
00:35:38.000 --> 00:35:39.240
This track record.

558
00:35:39.240 --> 00:35:42.240
Just got to know when to say, I don't know him.

559
00:35:42.240 --> 00:35:43.160
Yeah.

560
00:35:43.160 --> 00:35:44.200
I don't know this dude.

561
00:35:44.200 --> 00:35:45.640
He drinks too much.

562
00:35:45.640 --> 00:35:46.480
It's okay.

563
00:35:46.480 --> 00:35:47.320
He's a nice guy though.

564
00:35:47.320 --> 00:35:48.640
And you have him reeling back.

565
00:35:48.640 --> 00:35:50.880
When it comes to, where's the homie at?

566
00:35:50.880 --> 00:35:51.920
Where'd he go?

567
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:52.760
Did he leave?

568
00:35:54.240 --> 00:35:55.080
Who's that?

569
00:35:56.080 --> 00:35:58.120
The guy that's coming on, he's having a date soon.

570
00:35:58.120 --> 00:35:59.360
He's meeting up with the chick.

571
00:35:59.360 --> 00:36:00.440
Yeah, Daniel.

572
00:36:00.440 --> 00:36:01.280
Oh, Daniel.

573
00:36:01.280 --> 00:36:02.120
Daniel, yeah.

574
00:36:02.120 --> 00:36:02.960
Did he leave?

575
00:36:02.960 --> 00:36:04.560
I don't think I see him.

576
00:36:04.560 --> 00:36:05.560
Yeah.

577
00:36:05.560 --> 00:36:07.080
Anyways, I was just wondering the setting.

578
00:36:07.080 --> 00:36:10.680
Like, is he going to a restaurant or going to a park

579
00:36:10.680 --> 00:36:11.800
or is he going to an event?

580
00:36:11.800 --> 00:36:13.840
I would just say be cool.

581
00:36:13.840 --> 00:36:16.440
Try to be cool, good posture.

582
00:36:16.440 --> 00:36:18.120
You can kind of try to direct the conversation

583
00:36:18.120 --> 00:36:19.680
maybe a hair, like have a little bit of a game plan.

584
00:36:19.680 --> 00:36:21.800
But I say just fly by the seat of your pants, man.

585
00:36:21.800 --> 00:36:24.280
Shoot, like you got nothing to lose.

586
00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:27.040
Yeah, I've tried different things.

587
00:36:27.040 --> 00:36:29.640
Like, I mean, again, I've read all sorts of books

588
00:36:29.640 --> 00:36:33.120
and I've even paid like thousands of dollars for coaching.

589
00:36:33.120 --> 00:36:36.240
And like, I really have not gotten anywhere.

590
00:36:36.240 --> 00:36:38.680
Like I'm just, in the end, it's just like,

591
00:36:38.680 --> 00:36:41.040
I just get this resistance of fear

592
00:36:41.040 --> 00:36:43.160
and I just don't take the first step.

593
00:36:43.160 --> 00:36:44.480
That's where I, that's-

594
00:36:44.480 --> 00:36:46.440
Oh, because you're afraid of rejection.

595
00:36:47.480 --> 00:36:48.600
I think so, probably.

596
00:36:48.600 --> 00:36:49.880
Yeah, you got to get used to that.

597
00:36:49.880 --> 00:36:50.720
You're a dude.

598
00:36:51.840 --> 00:36:53.840
We get rejected all the time, man.

599
00:36:54.400 --> 00:36:55.600
That's our lifestyle.

600
00:36:55.600 --> 00:36:56.440
That's what it is.

601
00:36:56.440 --> 00:36:57.680
So it's like fishing, you know,

602
00:36:57.680 --> 00:36:59.080
you throw the fish out there

603
00:37:00.080 --> 00:37:02.200
and you pulled up some weeds and that sucks.

604
00:37:02.200 --> 00:37:04.400
You got to reset the hook and all this crap and, you know,

605
00:37:04.400 --> 00:37:06.560
but you got to throw it back out there, bro.

606
00:37:06.560 --> 00:37:07.520
You got nothing to lose, man.

607
00:37:07.520 --> 00:37:09.680
You know, there's going to be a girl out there

608
00:37:09.680 --> 00:37:12.280
that likes the bait you got on the hook.

609
00:37:12.280 --> 00:37:15.920
So just know that, believe that in your heart that,

610
00:37:15.920 --> 00:37:17.520
you know, there's girls out there

611
00:37:17.520 --> 00:37:19.080
that are going to like you, man.

612
00:37:19.080 --> 00:37:21.600
You know, I give you that power.

613
00:37:21.600 --> 00:37:22.760
You have that power within you, bro.

614
00:37:22.760 --> 00:37:24.440
If a girl doesn't like you, man,

615
00:37:24.440 --> 00:37:25.800
hey man, that's cool.

616
00:37:25.800 --> 00:37:27.120
It's all good.

617
00:37:27.120 --> 00:37:28.320
You know, God bless her.

618
00:37:29.200 --> 00:37:30.840
Wish her well.

619
00:37:30.840 --> 00:37:31.760
And on to the next, man.

620
00:37:31.760 --> 00:37:32.680
And it's not hateful.

621
00:37:32.680 --> 00:37:35.520
It's not, you know, it's not, oh shit, another one.

622
00:37:35.520 --> 00:37:36.800
No, that's normal, dude.

623
00:37:36.800 --> 00:37:38.960
That's normal to be rejected by girls.

624
00:37:38.960 --> 00:37:40.840
So I'd say get used to that, man.

625
00:37:40.840 --> 00:37:41.680
That's probably step one.

626
00:37:41.680 --> 00:37:44.040
Get used to getting knocked down constantly.

627
00:37:44.040 --> 00:37:44.880
Constantly.

628
00:37:44.880 --> 00:37:45.720
So it's all good, man.

629
00:37:45.720 --> 00:37:46.760
You know, it's all good.

630
00:37:46.760 --> 00:37:48.440
It's not you, it's them, right?

631
00:37:48.440 --> 00:37:50.600
They just don't like you and that's okay.

632
00:37:51.120 --> 00:37:52.400
And it's funny because like,

633
00:37:52.400 --> 00:37:57.400
sometimes that breeds a little bit of like negative

634
00:38:00.720 --> 00:38:05.720
confidence, but in a way that comes across as confidence.

635
00:38:06.520 --> 00:38:07.840
You know what I'm saying?

636
00:38:07.840 --> 00:38:09.760
So like, you get a little bit like,

637
00:38:09.760 --> 00:38:11.680
you get a little bit, I don't want to say bitter,

638
00:38:11.680 --> 00:38:14.040
but it's kind of like, you get a little bit like,

639
00:38:14.040 --> 00:38:15.360
you get a little bit of bitterness saying like,

640
00:38:15.360 --> 00:38:16.360
oh, this is going to happen again.

641
00:38:16.360 --> 00:38:18.000
They should get us to reject me.

642
00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:19.200
And they're like, well, no, no, no, wait.

643
00:38:19.200 --> 00:38:20.080
Well, I was going to reject you.

644
00:38:20.600 --> 00:38:21.440
And I was like, well, yeah,

645
00:38:21.440 --> 00:38:22.280
you were just kind of setting up because you're like,

646
00:38:22.280 --> 00:38:24.600
you've been through it so many times.

647
00:38:24.600 --> 00:38:27.400
You start writing the script and you start playing it out.

648
00:38:27.400 --> 00:38:28.400
And I'm like, hold on, hold on.

649
00:38:28.400 --> 00:38:29.800
Like, no, I wasn't going to reject.

650
00:38:29.800 --> 00:38:32.680
And then, and then now you sort of like turn the table

651
00:38:32.680 --> 00:38:35.680
sometimes in this way to where, you know,

652
00:38:35.680 --> 00:38:38.320
you go through this a little bit.

653
00:38:38.320 --> 00:38:40.000
Salespeople go through this all the time.

654
00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:42.640
They're like, they just want to go through the no's.

655
00:38:42.640 --> 00:38:44.640
Just let me get to the no's because there's definitely

656
00:38:44.640 --> 00:38:47.160
a yes out there for sure.

657
00:38:47.160 --> 00:38:50.720
So that's the thing, Andy, that's what you don't believe.

658
00:38:50.720 --> 00:38:52.040
You believe it's all no's.

659
00:38:52.040 --> 00:38:54.400
And the thing about it is, is that's not true.

660
00:38:55.520 --> 00:38:58.480
I, my, one of my best friends who was my wingman

661
00:38:58.480 --> 00:39:03.360
when I met Jackie told me in unsavory terms,

662
00:39:03.360 --> 00:39:06.320
there are, he goes, you only know one type of woman.

663
00:39:06.320 --> 00:39:07.960
You've only been married to one type of woman

664
00:39:07.960 --> 00:39:09.920
and you dated her since you were really in high school.

665
00:39:09.920 --> 00:39:12.200
And she ever only knew that that was like,

666
00:39:12.200 --> 00:39:14.600
you think all women are like your ex-wife.

667
00:39:15.440 --> 00:39:16.680
He said, that's not true.

668
00:39:17.560 --> 00:39:19.000
There's women that will blah, blah, blah.

669
00:39:19.000 --> 00:39:22.960
And he like listed like explicitly what they would do

670
00:39:22.960 --> 00:39:27.200
to you, like in like sexual ways.

671
00:39:27.200 --> 00:39:28.480
And I don't want to get into that,

672
00:39:28.480 --> 00:39:31.200
but I'm just saying he was making a point to say,

673
00:39:31.200 --> 00:39:34.680
there are women that would do all sorts of things

674
00:39:37.040 --> 00:39:38.720
for you, with you.

675
00:39:38.720 --> 00:39:43.560
Like there are all types of different women

676
00:39:44.200 --> 00:39:48.640
that would just be like totally different

677
00:39:48.640 --> 00:39:50.200
than anybody you've ever met.

678
00:39:51.240 --> 00:39:55.880
My point in saying that is that there is definitely a yes.

679
00:39:55.880 --> 00:40:00.080
You just have to get through the no's to get to that yes.

680
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.440
So, for you, it's a no until it's a yes.

681
00:40:06.440 --> 00:40:14.240
And so, if you're truly, truly trying to pursue, you know, trying to find the one, then, you

682
00:40:14.240 --> 00:40:18.520
know, if that's your goal, I asked this a month or so ago, remember when I asked all

683
00:40:18.520 --> 00:40:19.520
of us?

684
00:40:19.520 --> 00:40:22.760
I was like, what is your number one life goal right now?

685
00:40:22.760 --> 00:40:24.980
Is it to be married?

686
00:40:24.980 --> 00:40:29.360
If it is, then that is prime objective, number one.

687
00:40:29.360 --> 00:40:33.940
Like everything that's in your life, other than what you've got to do in order to stay

688
00:40:33.940 --> 00:40:38.340
employed and stay going and all that kind of stuff.

689
00:40:38.340 --> 00:40:42.940
Everything else goes to, this is what I'm pursuing in my life, my life partner.

690
00:40:42.940 --> 00:40:50.300
If it's that important, then you're going to have to pursue it, you know, much more

691
00:40:50.300 --> 00:40:54.540
than maybe just like, well, I spent a bunch of money and I took a bunch of courses and

692
00:40:54.540 --> 00:40:56.660
then, you know, then I'm just kind of waiting for this to come.

693
00:40:56.660 --> 00:40:58.460
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

694
00:40:58.560 --> 00:41:03.520
If it means literally like some of the guys were saying here, going to the supermarket

695
00:41:03.520 --> 00:41:09.560
and actually engaging people to learn how to talk to people and be relational, then

696
00:41:09.560 --> 00:41:12.960
I guess that's what it's going to take.

697
00:41:12.960 --> 00:41:22.720
And that scares the hell out of you, then let it and just face it and do it and like

698
00:41:22.720 --> 00:41:24.840
become good at it.

699
00:41:24.840 --> 00:41:32.100
Let it excite you to like how scary this is.

700
00:41:32.100 --> 00:41:36.660
You have to like confront it and that, and you know, we, we all have situations like

701
00:41:36.660 --> 00:41:37.660
that.

702
00:41:37.660 --> 00:41:39.760
It may not be necessarily the relational thing.

703
00:41:39.760 --> 00:41:49.060
We all have things that we are afraid to cross, but we have to, as men who are going to like

704
00:41:49.060 --> 00:41:59.080
know facing your fears, some, some men are facing the thing that easily besets them.

705
00:41:59.080 --> 00:42:04.320
A part of their lifestyle, a part of their, their sin nature, a part of their flesh that

706
00:42:04.320 --> 00:42:06.840
they don't want to let go of.

707
00:42:06.840 --> 00:42:11.720
They're like, they know they need to, they want to, but they're afraid to because they

708
00:42:11.720 --> 00:42:17.800
don't know what it's going to be like if they don't have that security blanket.

709
00:42:18.140 --> 00:42:23.980
Every single one of us have something that is our security blanket.

710
00:42:23.980 --> 00:42:27.660
We could get into a bunch of details on that, but I think everybody understands what I'm

711
00:42:27.660 --> 00:42:28.660
talking about.

712
00:42:28.660 --> 00:42:35.620
Like there's something, I mean, just what is it, you know, for you that is you're afraid

713
00:42:35.620 --> 00:42:40.420
of it's, it's a fear that's like, I don't know if, if I don't have this, I don't have

714
00:42:40.420 --> 00:42:43.620
control over that in my life.

715
00:42:43.640 --> 00:42:50.880
I don't know what it's going to be like, you know, and this part of is with you is the

716
00:42:50.880 --> 00:42:58.080
sort of like people, so it's like, I'm so introverted, I'm so into my own head space

717
00:42:58.080 --> 00:43:00.200
that I don't know how to deal with people.

718
00:43:00.200 --> 00:43:04.160
You have to cross your fear of just getting to know people and being able to relate to

719
00:43:04.160 --> 00:43:11.640
people to have that relational part of it.

720
00:43:11.640 --> 00:43:13.500
And that is exciting.

721
00:43:13.500 --> 00:43:17.000
I think for all of us to sit here and go, Andy, you can do this.

722
00:43:17.000 --> 00:43:22.540
I'm excited to see what's going to happen next, you know?

723
00:43:22.540 --> 00:43:30.740
So anyway, do you receive that at all?

724
00:43:30.740 --> 00:43:34.780
I know it's scary, but receive, what do you mean receive?

725
00:43:34.780 --> 00:43:40.320
Do you like, do you like, are you encouraged to like, Hey, I'm going to try this?

726
00:43:40.320 --> 00:43:47.600
Well, I still feel like terrified, like, well, of course you do, but that doesn't, that's

727
00:43:47.600 --> 00:43:48.600
irrelevant.

728
00:43:48.600 --> 00:43:50.160
Of course you feel terrified.

729
00:43:50.160 --> 00:43:52.120
We all feel terrified to do something.

730
00:43:52.120 --> 00:43:56.240
It's like, it's so awkward because it's like, what do I even say to someone random?

731
00:43:56.240 --> 00:43:59.200
Like, it's like, I don't have anything to talk to these people about.

732
00:43:59.200 --> 00:44:04.480
Like, no, that's what David was saying is that the opener to the conversation is a compliment.

733
00:44:05.180 --> 00:44:10.780
I'll tell you how simple it is, tonight at the gym, I just saw this girl, I mean, she

734
00:44:10.780 --> 00:44:16.180
had a Jesus loves you sticker and I said, Hey, I like your sticker.

735
00:44:16.180 --> 00:44:17.180
Yeah.

736
00:44:17.180 --> 00:44:18.180
That's it.

737
00:44:18.180 --> 00:44:19.180
Have a good one.

738
00:44:19.180 --> 00:44:20.180
What did that do?

739
00:44:20.180 --> 00:44:21.180
Yeah.

740
00:44:21.180 --> 00:44:22.700
She smiled, said, thank you.

741
00:44:22.700 --> 00:44:27.740
And then, you know, on our way.

742
00:44:27.740 --> 00:44:29.180
Yeah.

743
00:44:29.180 --> 00:44:33.720
And then 10 times, 20 times of doing that, right.

744
00:44:33.720 --> 00:44:35.720
Just having that interaction.

745
00:44:35.720 --> 00:44:39.960
You'll begin to see patterns of people, how they open up, especially, and this is why

746
00:44:39.960 --> 00:44:44.760
compliments work well, because nobody expects to just get a random compliment like that.

747
00:44:44.760 --> 00:44:45.760
That's just kind of awkward.

748
00:44:45.760 --> 00:44:51.960
But at the same time, if you get to doing it, you will find eventually at some point

749
00:44:51.960 --> 00:44:55.800
somebody will open up and they're like, Oh, you know, somebody wants to have a conversation

750
00:44:56.060 --> 00:44:58.700
And they'll talk to them and you'll have a conversation.

751
00:44:58.700 --> 00:45:00.020
And then through that conversation.

752
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.160
You will learn how to be relatable, how to be interesting, how to, how to

753
00:45:05.160 --> 00:45:08.760
say the right thing, and then that conversation will end and then you'll do

754
00:45:08.760 --> 00:45:18.160
it again, and the more you do that, the better you will get at it, literally.

755
00:45:18.400 --> 00:45:21.480
Just like you, Andy, that are hoping it's someone would just say hi to them.

756
00:45:22.240 --> 00:45:22.840
It's so true.

757
00:45:24.360 --> 00:45:24.960
Guess what, bro?

758
00:45:25.000 --> 00:45:25.280
All right.

759
00:45:25.280 --> 00:45:27.120
From now on, you're going to hold, you're going to, you're going to

760
00:45:27.120 --> 00:45:28.720
always have in your pocket a pen.

761
00:45:30.080 --> 00:45:30.520
Okay.

762
00:45:30.720 --> 00:45:31.640
And you know what you're going to do?

763
00:45:32.280 --> 00:45:35.280
This thing is going to fly out of your pocket and you're just going to

764
00:45:35.280 --> 00:45:37.880
accidentally, you know, just going to like be thrown at somebody

765
00:45:37.880 --> 00:45:39.000
that you want to say something to.

766
00:45:40.080 --> 00:45:40.600
Oh my God.

767
00:45:40.600 --> 00:45:41.360
I dropped my pen.

768
00:45:41.360 --> 00:45:41.920
Are you okay?

769
00:45:41.920 --> 00:45:42.680
Are you bleeding?

770
00:45:43.680 --> 00:45:45.440
You know, carry a pen on you, dude.

771
00:45:45.480 --> 00:45:47.760
Anyone you want to talk to, you just throw it at them.

772
00:45:48.120 --> 00:45:49.880
Sorry, my French, throw it at them.

773
00:45:50.800 --> 00:45:52.560
You know, don't aim for their eyes, dude.

774
00:45:52.560 --> 00:45:53.240
That's messed up.

775
00:45:53.280 --> 00:45:54.520
Just throw it at their ankles.

776
00:45:55.360 --> 00:45:56.680
And Oh my God.

777
00:45:56.680 --> 00:45:59.680
Are you, you know, that could be a fun exercise, bro.

778
00:45:59.720 --> 00:46:06.360
Like random, do it to an old guy who cares ninja assassin shit up.

779
00:46:07.280 --> 00:46:07.920
I'm so sorry.

780
00:46:07.920 --> 00:46:08.400
You okay.

781
00:46:09.120 --> 00:46:11.160
You hit anything broken you need?

782
00:46:11.160 --> 00:46:11.400
Yeah.

783
00:46:11.400 --> 00:46:14.440
Just anything on you at all times, bro.

784
00:46:15.080 --> 00:46:15.480
Okay.

785
00:46:15.520 --> 00:46:16.240
That's my Tuesday.

786
00:46:16.240 --> 00:46:16.600
I'm sorry.

787
00:46:17.400 --> 00:46:19.480
Anything that can start a conversation.

788
00:46:19.480 --> 00:46:21.080
You need the reps, man.

789
00:46:22.080 --> 00:46:28.120
And, um, I mean, the other thing at this, I think Abram was saying, and I

790
00:46:28.120 --> 00:46:31.960
thought this was, I thought this, I think it's, he said this, like, what is

791
00:46:31.960 --> 00:46:38.880
it that you would want somebody to say to you, are you thinking in your head

792
00:46:38.880 --> 00:46:42.760
ever, like, I wish somebody would say hi to me or wish somebody would like

793
00:46:42.840 --> 00:46:44.560
engage me and ask me a question.

794
00:46:44.800 --> 00:46:49.640
I wish somebody, but interested in what I think about, right.

795
00:46:50.720 --> 00:46:52.080
Do you ever have those thoughts?

796
00:46:54.840 --> 00:46:55.280
Yeah.

797
00:46:55.280 --> 00:46:58.400
Well, I, you know, now that I come to think of it, there was one time I

798
00:46:58.400 --> 00:47:05.200
did say something to like a couple of weeks ago, there was like, I was at the,

799
00:47:05.200 --> 00:47:11.880
um, the organic before I lose, before I lose the thought, my encouragement is,

800
00:47:11.880 --> 00:47:16.680
is that you be the person that you want to be to you.

801
00:47:16.760 --> 00:47:17.520
Does that make sense?

802
00:47:18.320 --> 00:47:20.640
Like, if you're thinking, I want somebody to reach out to me.

803
00:47:20.640 --> 00:47:21.680
I want somebody to engage me.

804
00:47:21.680 --> 00:47:23.000
I want somebody to be interested in me.

805
00:47:23.760 --> 00:47:25.680
You be that first for a while.

806
00:47:26.800 --> 00:47:30.320
You be that person that's inquiring, that's complimenting, that's engaging,

807
00:47:30.800 --> 00:47:34.400
that is curious about someone else.

808
00:47:34.840 --> 00:47:38.320
I tell you what, you, you, you get curious about other people.

809
00:47:38.960 --> 00:47:43.560
You're going to start engaging in relational conversations and

810
00:47:43.560 --> 00:47:45.160
you'll get to know people.

811
00:47:45.480 --> 00:47:50.040
And then you will get the reps of learning how to have these

812
00:47:50.040 --> 00:47:57.200
conversations, how to engage people, how to like be interested in what they're

813
00:47:57.200 --> 00:48:04.280
doing and, and that will lead into more things in a relationship than you can

814
00:48:04.280 --> 00:48:04.800
imagine.

815
00:48:05.960 --> 00:48:08.720
I think Kenton had a really good point.

816
00:48:09.320 --> 00:48:12.240
Like talk to the mirror, get used to talking to yourself.

817
00:48:12.280 --> 00:48:15.720
Like, I mean, get, talk to yourself, like practice on yourself

818
00:48:15.720 --> 00:48:16.520
and then go out and do it.

819
00:48:16.760 --> 00:48:21.160
But I think the real thing, Andy, is even if you go out and you fail and you flop

820
00:48:21.160 --> 00:48:23.720
and people are like, whatever, but you, you, you won.

821
00:48:24.720 --> 00:48:26.920
But it's not about having a great conversation.

822
00:48:26.920 --> 00:48:32.880
It's not about, it's just about doing it and getting through the fear and keep it.

823
00:48:33.880 --> 00:48:36.040
You know, I wouldn't maim anybody.

824
00:48:36.040 --> 00:48:39.120
I mean, you know, Abrams, like, you know, like, you know, kill somebody with a pen.

825
00:48:39.960 --> 00:48:44.040
But like, you know, it's a great point, you know, like anything that will get you.

826
00:48:44.880 --> 00:48:48.960
Um, so like when I'm evangelizing, I usually try to have a shirt or something

827
00:48:48.960 --> 00:48:50.920
that's provocative, right?

828
00:48:50.920 --> 00:48:53.200
Like that starts a conversation, right?

829
00:48:53.200 --> 00:48:57.360
Like I, or I notice people's shirts, if you see them with a sports team that you

830
00:48:57.360 --> 00:48:59.480
understand and you go, Hey, how are they doing?

831
00:49:00.000 --> 00:49:00.360
Right.

832
00:49:00.920 --> 00:49:01.680
Really simple.

833
00:49:01.720 --> 00:49:09.880
Like, or like you have a great, you know, um, Have a great day.

834
00:49:10.280 --> 00:49:13.760
I mean, maybe just said that said, Hey, have like any, whatever feels like you

835
00:49:13.920 --> 00:49:15.840
are actually, it's not going to feel like you, cause you don't feel like doing it,

836
00:49:15.840 --> 00:49:21.240
but, but do something simple and just go fail, go win, go do both.

837
00:49:21.320 --> 00:49:21.600
Right.

838
00:49:21.600 --> 00:49:23.640
Like, and you know, really it won't fail.

839
00:49:24.080 --> 00:49:25.120
Anything you do is a win.

840
00:49:25.760 --> 00:49:32.040
And if you're a statistics guy, if you know, keep track, like, Hey, I had 20

841
00:49:32.040 --> 00:49:35.800
conversations this week and this is how they, I mean, if that makes sense to you,

842
00:49:35.840 --> 00:49:41.600
that shows you that gives you confidence to numerically evaluate, qualitatively

843
00:49:41.640 --> 00:49:45.880
evaluate that quantitatively, excuse me, evaluate that then.

844
00:49:45.880 --> 00:49:48.760
And that proves that your success to do it.

845
00:49:50.880 --> 00:49:54.680
And yeah, Andy, try to put yourself here.

846
00:49:54.760 --> 00:49:58.960
Hi, Andy.

847
00:49:59.320 --> 00:49:59.880
I want to just.

848
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.600
this that, you know, in anything and everything, we're never going to get better at anything

849
00:50:05.600 --> 00:50:10.640
without practicing how to do it, you know? And yeah, the first couple of conversations

850
00:50:10.640 --> 00:50:15.560
might be awkward, but they'll get better. And it's usually more awkward to us than it

851
00:50:15.560 --> 00:50:20.680
is to others. Like we're like, oh, that was a terrible conversation or that was so awkward

852
00:50:20.680 --> 00:50:24.600
or, you know, usually the person's walking away. The other person's not walking away

853
00:50:24.600 --> 00:50:28.600
thinking the same thing that you're thinking, right. Right. They're really not. And a lot

854
00:50:28.600 --> 00:50:32.100
of people have grace for that. Cause a lot of people have social anxiety, a lot more

855
00:50:32.100 --> 00:50:37.080
people than you think have social anxiety. So just remember you might feel anxious, but

856
00:50:37.080 --> 00:50:42.200
the other person might feel anxious too. And so don't just don't project and feel like,

857
00:50:42.200 --> 00:50:45.920
oh, they're confident and I'm anxious. No, that's not true.

858
00:50:45.920 --> 00:50:49.240
Not true. So what's the number guys. Here's the, here's what I want to do. We're going

859
00:50:49.240 --> 00:50:54.040
to throw out a number and we're going to like expect Andy to have at least accomplished

860
00:50:54.040 --> 00:51:00.080
this particular number by next week, we're going to get him a goal. So how many, how

861
00:51:00.080 --> 00:51:10.080
many numbers, three, I started with 20, but anyway, go ahead. Three, three, what? Conversation

862
00:51:10.080 --> 00:51:19.040
starters. That's it. Three people. Oh, three people. Okay. Or get signed up to help or

863
00:51:19.040 --> 00:51:23.960
volunteer in a position that's going to make you talk to people. A greeter at church. I

864
00:51:24.880 --> 00:51:30.080
went to Pennsylvania. I went to Pennsylvania and knocked doors during the election. And

865
00:51:30.080 --> 00:51:35.000
part of the reason, cause I felt passionate about it, but part of the reason was that's

866
00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:40.520
a good way to like face some uncomfortable, you know, like stairs and stuff like that

867
00:51:40.520 --> 00:51:43.640
is like to get out there and be like, well, I don't really care what you think of me.

868
00:51:43.640 --> 00:51:49.200
Cause I'm going to try to like, when you to my side. Yeah. And so my, I said in the chat,

869
00:51:49.200 --> 00:51:53.720
my dad, uh, during grad school, the door to door book sales for this very reason, cause

870
00:51:53.720 --> 00:52:00.720
he wanted to get out of himself. Yeah. Powerful. Ken, what do you have there?

871
00:52:00.720 --> 00:52:10.320
One quick is my I'm 65 years age, but I'm super, I don't like, I can't find women, anybody

872
00:52:10.320 --> 00:52:17.240
who can keep up to me. So my question is what about 10 to 15 years younger than oneself

873
00:52:18.240 --> 00:52:25.480
and what is the community? What is the community? What does the community think? I think about

874
00:52:25.480 --> 00:52:30.200
or look upon older gentlemen dating somewhere that could be 10, 15 years younger than they

875
00:52:30.200 --> 00:52:39.880
are. I mean, it's, it's the, the women particularly don't like it. Yeah. The younger, the younger

876
00:52:39.880 --> 00:52:49.080
women particularly are usually not into it. Um, um, that's, this will be found across

877
00:52:49.080 --> 00:52:57.040
the community. Um, it would be better for you to find somebody who is an equal. So one

878
00:52:57.040 --> 00:53:01.120
of the things that Jackie says all the time is that we're not necessarily matching age

879
00:53:01.120 --> 00:53:09.880
as much as we're at matching lifestyle, you know? So it can be a difference in age of

880
00:53:09.880 --> 00:53:15.160
five, 10, 15 years. It can, it's not impossible. That's not like a no, no. It's just that what

881
00:53:15.160 --> 00:53:26.120
we found is like fishing in that pond becomes, it usually doesn't work out, but that is not

882
00:53:26.120 --> 00:53:31.400
to say that there isn't, I mean, there isn't someone that, that happens to be that much

883
00:53:31.400 --> 00:53:35.880
younger than you, that, that you, that you match with or that you meet or that you have

884
00:53:35.880 --> 00:53:40.440
a relationship. It's just like, it's not like a, like an impossibility, but at the same

885
00:53:40.440 --> 00:53:46.040
time, you know, lifestyle, you know, yeah. If you're an active person, then you're looking

886
00:53:46.040 --> 00:53:56.480
for another active person. I don't know. Kenton, how old are you? Sixty-five. Sixty-five.

887
00:53:56.480 --> 00:54:02.360
You did say that, right? Sixty-five. Yeah. Yeah. No, I just find that I'm so, I'm very

888
00:54:02.360 --> 00:54:08.600
active in having anybody. It's almost impossible. And it's not an idea of, I want somebody who

889
00:54:08.600 --> 00:54:15.800
can, can not just keep, but enjoy everything that we do together. No fears about doing

890
00:54:16.560 --> 00:54:21.040
things with them that they love doing. Yeah. Because I've done that. I mean, I was married

891
00:54:21.040 --> 00:54:26.360
for 36 years. Yeah. So I understand that. I mean, you could definitely, I mean, 65,

892
00:54:26.360 --> 00:54:33.920
you could definitely go down to 55 for sure. Typically this is, this is what happens. Typically

893
00:54:33.920 --> 00:54:37.760
a women, especially, and Jackie can speak to this. She says it all the time and I hear

894
00:54:37.760 --> 00:54:45.680
women particularly are concerned about someone, a man who is much older than they are, whether

895
00:54:45.680 --> 00:54:52.640
it's five, 10 years, because they they just imagine the forecast, the future, regardless

896
00:54:52.640 --> 00:54:57.440
of how active they are. They do not want to be, women feel this way. This is what women feel.

897
00:54:58.000 --> 00:54:59.840
They do not want to be stuck with someone.

898
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.920
and that they have to take care of in their older, older age.

899
00:55:04.560 --> 00:55:06.000
And so if it's too much older,

900
00:55:06.000 --> 00:55:10.000
then that is a very, very, very common concern

901
00:55:10.000 --> 00:55:11.120
and fear for women.

902
00:55:12.360 --> 00:55:14.920
And I'm not saying that's gonna happen.

903
00:55:14.920 --> 00:55:17.120
I'm not gonna say it, but that is just what women,

904
00:55:17.120 --> 00:55:18.780
that's where they're coming from

905
00:55:18.780 --> 00:55:20.720
in that scenario, specifically.

906
00:55:23.340 --> 00:55:25.680
Oh, now Jackie's setting you up.

907
00:55:25.680 --> 00:55:28.040
She wants to put you on a dating game tomorrow.

908
00:55:28.760 --> 00:55:30.760
Do it.

909
00:55:30.760 --> 00:55:32.320
I'm working, sorry.

910
00:55:32.320 --> 00:55:34.040
I'm working at a camp up north,

911
00:55:34.040 --> 00:55:36.560
so I don't get home till 10.30 tomorrow night.

912
00:55:36.560 --> 00:55:38.560
She's like, oh, how convenient now.

913
00:55:38.560 --> 00:55:41.480
She's like, oh, it's super convenient.

914
00:55:41.480 --> 00:55:45.080
But we'll have to make another time

915
00:55:45.080 --> 00:55:47.760
where you can do that, because I'm sure that,

916
00:55:47.760 --> 00:55:49.280
like, you just need maybe some exposure

917
00:55:49.280 --> 00:55:52.200
in the community too, so be good.

918
00:55:53.240 --> 00:55:56.260
Small bit of a benefit for you, Ken.

919
00:55:57.260 --> 00:55:58.260
I'm 40 years old.

920
00:55:58.260 --> 00:56:01.180
I've been doing a MRF every day for the past 46 days.

921
00:56:01.180 --> 00:56:04.420
That's a mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups,

922
00:56:04.420 --> 00:56:07.420
300 squats, another mile run with a 20-pound pack.

923
00:56:08.260 --> 00:56:13.140
There are people that are 10 to 15 years younger than me

924
00:56:13.140 --> 00:56:15.600
that are not in that type of shape.

925
00:56:15.600 --> 00:56:20.500
So it's not just about being physically active

926
00:56:20.500 --> 00:56:22.100
and enjoying physical activity,

927
00:56:22.100 --> 00:56:25.980
but also finding that right tempered maturity

928
00:56:26.660 --> 00:56:27.500
in someone as well.

929
00:56:27.500 --> 00:56:32.020
So just keep your heart and your mind open.

930
00:56:33.340 --> 00:56:34.180
Thank you much, David.

931
00:56:34.180 --> 00:56:37.860
I appreciate that, because it's maturity element as well too.

932
00:56:37.860 --> 00:56:39.940
I mean, I'm a retired police officer

933
00:56:39.940 --> 00:56:41.760
as well as a retired pastor.

934
00:56:41.760 --> 00:56:44.500
So when it comes to knowledge of scriptures,

935
00:56:44.500 --> 00:56:47.460
knowledge of Christianity, a lot of women today

936
00:56:47.460 --> 00:56:51.260
just haven't picked up their Bible since I'd read it.

937
00:56:53.220 --> 00:56:54.060
Really?

938
00:56:54.060 --> 00:56:54.900
What's scary about it?

939
00:56:56.060 --> 00:56:57.900
I'm in Canada, in Alberta.

940
00:56:59.540 --> 00:57:01.780
Yeah, but I'm not afraid to go to the States.

941
00:57:01.780 --> 00:57:03.100
So I can move anywhere

942
00:57:03.100 --> 00:57:07.380
because all I need is a major airport to fly up.

943
00:57:07.380 --> 00:57:09.960
That's, and I fly in and out of a camp.

944
00:57:09.960 --> 00:57:12.260
So I can live anywhere in the world, actually.

945
00:57:13.940 --> 00:57:15.780
Cool beans, powerful.

946
00:57:15.780 --> 00:57:17.260
I just want to encourage you.

947
00:57:17.260 --> 00:57:18.660
Like God has somebody set up.

948
00:57:18.660 --> 00:57:19.500
He knows where you're at.

949
00:57:19.500 --> 00:57:21.020
He knows your heart, right?

950
00:57:21.020 --> 00:57:23.260
I mean, I feel like I'm in an impossible situation

951
00:57:23.260 --> 00:57:25.460
finding somebody that can spiritually,

952
00:57:25.980 --> 00:57:27.940
that we can walk the same line, right?

953
00:57:27.940 --> 00:57:30.220
What, as well as a physically,

954
00:57:30.220 --> 00:57:32.420
like we're, cause I'm always active too.

955
00:57:32.420 --> 00:57:35.540
But you know, God has somebody specifically for you.

956
00:57:35.540 --> 00:57:37.340
And I mean, everybody on this call,

957
00:57:37.340 --> 00:57:39.580
he knows your intricacies, he knows your wiring.

958
00:57:39.580 --> 00:57:42.700
And before the beginning of time, he planned it.

959
00:57:42.700 --> 00:57:44.580
And you know, what you've done in the past

960
00:57:44.580 --> 00:57:45.940
does not determine your future

961
00:57:45.940 --> 00:57:48.220
because he already took that into account.

962
00:57:49.220 --> 00:57:50.900
Yeah, I hear what you're saying there, Mike.

963
00:57:50.900 --> 00:57:52.200
It's very true.

964
00:57:52.280 --> 00:57:54.280
I agree with you.

965
00:57:54.280 --> 00:57:57.360
Just comes to, I can hear for other people from the Lord,

966
00:57:57.360 --> 00:57:59.080
but I can't hear for myself.

967
00:57:59.080 --> 00:58:00.880
It's like, when Lord?

968
00:58:00.880 --> 00:58:02.480
And he's not talking.

969
00:58:03.320 --> 00:58:04.160
He's working, I know.

970
00:58:04.160 --> 00:58:05.840
I've been to the same boat.

971
00:58:05.840 --> 00:58:07.440
I can hear fine for everybody.

972
00:58:10.960 --> 00:58:11.800
Rhodes.

973
00:58:11.800 --> 00:58:12.620
Rhodes for me.

974
00:58:12.620 --> 00:58:13.560
So I don't know if it's just that thing,

975
00:58:13.560 --> 00:58:15.380
but you know, he'll let you know.

976
00:58:16.320 --> 00:58:17.160
That's good.

977
00:58:17.160 --> 00:58:18.680
I hear you.

978
00:58:18.680 --> 00:58:21.480
Yeah, and the other guys,

979
00:58:21.480 --> 00:58:25.320
just so you know, we are working as hard as we can

980
00:58:25.320 --> 00:58:27.160
on the Spiritmate match.

981
00:58:29.680 --> 00:58:33.560
Really getting those matches qualified and cultivated.

982
00:58:33.560 --> 00:58:36.720
Everybody wants the same results right now.

983
00:58:36.720 --> 00:58:39.360
And so it's difficult to give everybody that

984
00:58:39.360 --> 00:58:40.400
all at the same time.

985
00:58:40.400 --> 00:58:42.960
But we're really trying to refine that

986
00:58:42.960 --> 00:58:46.240
because that tool is new to us.

987
00:58:46.240 --> 00:58:48.340
So we had to get the data in there

988
00:58:48.340 --> 00:58:51.900
in order to actually get it to go,

989
00:58:51.900 --> 00:58:54.180
you know, for it to do anything.

990
00:58:54.180 --> 00:58:58.780
And then we're cultivating that on a hard work coach level

991
00:58:58.780 --> 00:59:01.680
to really, really make those matches.

992
00:59:01.680 --> 00:59:04.460
And so I just want to encourage you with that.

993
00:59:04.460 --> 00:59:07.860
We're trying our best to really, within the community,

994
00:59:07.860 --> 00:59:11.100
be able to show people who match up and show you that

995
00:59:11.100 --> 00:59:15.660
so that you can begin to reach out and find out,

996
00:59:15.660 --> 00:59:18.300
you know, if there's a true match,

997
00:59:19.140 --> 00:59:20.700
if there's a true possibility there.

998
00:59:20.700 --> 00:59:23.100
And so it's going to be good.

999
00:59:23.100 --> 00:59:24.940
What's up, Kenton?

1000
00:59:24.940 --> 00:59:26.260
One more question about that.

1001
00:59:26.260 --> 00:59:30.300
I know when I threw in my resume,

1002
00:59:30.300 --> 00:59:32.700
because sometimes it feels like a resume.

1003
00:59:32.700 --> 00:59:34.020
Mine was a mishmash.

1004
00:59:34.020 --> 00:59:35.740
I didn't realize it was going to be something

1005
00:59:35.740 --> 00:59:38.340
that was going to be formally out there.

1006
00:59:38.340 --> 00:59:43.100
So how do we get a proper profile put in?

1007
00:59:43.100 --> 00:59:44.540
So you should be able to,

1008
00:59:44.540 --> 00:59:47.180
you should be able to go spiritmatematch.com.

1009
00:59:47.180 --> 00:59:48.780
And it will bring in the login page.

1010
00:59:48.780 --> 00:59:50.980
And you should be able to easily log in with the email

1011
00:59:50.980 --> 00:59:53.500
that you filled out the thing with.

1012
00:59:53.500 --> 00:59:54.780
And if you forgot the password,

1013
00:59:54.780 --> 00:59:56.320
just hit the forgot password thing,

1014
00:59:56.320 --> 00:59:59.940
and it should email you the ability to reset a password.

1015
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.080
you should be able to go into your own profile

1016
01:00:03.080 --> 01:00:05.040
and update it constantly.

1017
01:00:05.040 --> 01:00:07.720
Just refine it, add stuff, add pictures,

1018
01:00:07.720 --> 01:00:09.000
whatever you want to do,

1019
01:00:09.000 --> 01:00:10.760
should be able to go right in there and do it.

1020
01:00:10.760 --> 01:00:15.760
It's not too unintuitive.

1021
01:00:16.360 --> 01:00:18.880
I mean, it's pretty basic.

1022
01:00:20.120 --> 01:00:22.640
But I would encourage everyone to go in there

1023
01:00:22.640 --> 01:00:24.920
and just refine your stuff.

1024
01:00:24.920 --> 01:00:26.480
And just as you're thinking about things,

1025
01:00:26.480 --> 01:00:29.760
like, oh, maybe that's not actually accurate of me.

1026
01:00:29.840 --> 01:00:32.080
Maybe there's more things I can put in there.

1027
01:00:32.080 --> 01:00:33.600
Maybe I shouldn't say all of this.

1028
01:00:33.600 --> 01:00:35.600
Maybe I should change it into here.

1029
01:00:35.600 --> 01:00:37.280
Use a little bit of chat GPT,

1030
01:00:37.280 --> 01:00:38.800
make yourself really look good, you know,

1031
01:00:38.800 --> 01:00:41.160
like whatever you have to do in order to, like,

1032
01:00:41.160 --> 01:00:44.640
you know, make your profile, you know, best foot forward.

1033
01:00:44.640 --> 01:00:46.160
So...

1034
01:00:46.160 --> 01:00:49.280
Does it have a download for a Word file?

1035
01:00:49.280 --> 01:00:51.120
I'm sorry?

1036
01:00:51.120 --> 01:00:53.920
A download for a Word file.

1037
01:00:53.920 --> 01:00:55.720
Is there a download?

1038
01:00:55.720 --> 01:00:58.880
Yeah, can I put in a proper profile

1039
01:00:58.880 --> 01:01:01.680
by just...

1040
01:01:01.680 --> 01:01:03.800
I don't know. I don't think you can add.

1041
01:01:03.800 --> 01:01:09.280
I don't think you can add documents or anything to it.

1042
01:01:09.280 --> 01:01:10.240
Okay.

1043
01:01:10.240 --> 01:01:11.440
Yeah, I don't think you can.

1044
01:01:11.440 --> 01:01:13.400
But you definitely could copy and, like,

1045
01:01:13.400 --> 01:01:16.400
if you have good copy or, like, a paragraph that, like,

1046
01:01:16.400 --> 01:01:18.320
is your bio or that describes you well

1047
01:01:18.320 --> 01:01:19.600
and you want to copy and paste,

1048
01:01:19.600 --> 01:01:21.080
just bring it over into that.

1049
01:01:21.080 --> 01:01:22.480
You can do that.

1050
01:01:22.480 --> 01:01:25.960
Okay, good. That's good.

1051
01:01:25.960 --> 01:01:27.520
Should be able to.

1052
01:01:27.560 --> 01:01:29.080
All right, guys.

1053
01:01:29.080 --> 01:01:32.400
We're well past our time, but, I mean, a good conversation.

1054
01:01:32.400 --> 01:01:34.960
I really enjoy getting to some meat of this stuff.

1055
01:01:34.960 --> 01:01:36.200
It's good stuff.

1056
01:01:36.200 --> 01:01:39.120
Thank you, guys, for...

1057
01:01:39.120 --> 01:01:40.480
Thank you, guys, for being here tonight.

1058
01:01:40.480 --> 01:01:41.960
DJ, you have your hand raised.

1059
01:01:41.960 --> 01:01:44.800
I just want to make sure you got a comment,

1060
01:01:44.800 --> 01:01:46.400
you got a question.

1061
01:01:52.440 --> 01:01:54.120
DJ, are you with us there, bro?

1062
01:01:54.120 --> 01:01:56.240
Yeah, I had a problem on muting.

1063
01:01:56.240 --> 01:01:59.440
Sorry, my phone doesn't want to respond here.

1064
01:01:59.440 --> 01:02:01.280
I get it.

1065
01:02:01.280 --> 01:02:07.720
I guess I just wanted just a quick comment

1066
01:02:07.720 --> 01:02:09.320
just about the age gap thing,

1067
01:02:09.320 --> 01:02:13.160
because, like, I mean, I just turned, like, 50 this year,

1068
01:02:13.160 --> 01:02:16.520
and I don't know.

1069
01:02:16.520 --> 01:02:19.200
I guess, not that it's a hard and fast thing,

1070
01:02:19.200 --> 01:02:21.200
but basically you're saying that most women

1071
01:02:21.200 --> 01:02:23.040
don't really want more than, like,

1072
01:02:23.040 --> 01:02:26.120
I guess, like, a 5- to 10-year kind of gap kind of thing.

1073
01:02:26.120 --> 01:02:28.720
So then that puts it at a place where, like,

1074
01:02:28.720 --> 01:02:32.360
children are kind of out of the picture,

1075
01:02:32.360 --> 01:02:34.160
you know, in my case, you know what I'm saying?

1076
01:02:34.160 --> 01:02:35.760
I'm not saying it's a hard and fast rule,

1077
01:02:35.760 --> 01:02:37.880
but, you know what I'm saying?

1078
01:02:37.880 --> 01:02:40.000
I just want to get a sense of what reality is

1079
01:02:40.000 --> 01:02:43.480
and not be, like, off in dream-o, dream-o land,

1080
01:02:43.480 --> 01:02:45.000
you know what I mean?

1081
01:02:45.000 --> 01:02:47.800
I mean, it's not entirely out of the realm.

1082
01:02:47.800 --> 01:02:50.560
I mean, you've got a lot more options

1083
01:02:50.560 --> 01:02:54.000
than just natural children, of course, right?

1084
01:02:54.000 --> 01:02:57.840
There are a lot of situations where people

1085
01:02:57.840 --> 01:03:01.280
have their own children that bring into the relationship

1086
01:03:01.280 --> 01:03:04.840
blended family, I mean, so many different things.

1087
01:03:04.840 --> 01:03:05.760
Hi, guys.

1088
01:03:05.760 --> 01:03:07.080
All right, let me speak to that.

1089
01:03:07.080 --> 01:03:08.960
Here's the peanut gallon coming back.

1090
01:03:08.960 --> 01:03:12.640
So it doesn't have anything to do with age, OK?

1091
01:03:12.640 --> 01:03:15.880
Women do, they do get a little weirded out

1092
01:03:15.880 --> 01:03:18.840
when they think that older men, you know,

1093
01:03:18.840 --> 01:03:22.200
are just trolling for younger women, all right?

1094
01:03:22.200 --> 01:03:25.840
That's not the situation with any of you, OK?

1095
01:03:25.840 --> 01:03:27.720
For those of you that, for whatever reason,

1096
01:03:27.720 --> 01:03:30.760
you didn't get married and you're hoping to have kids

1097
01:03:30.760 --> 01:03:33.520
still, women, just so you know,

1098
01:03:33.520 --> 01:03:36.920
women can have babies into their 40s.

1099
01:03:36.920 --> 01:03:38.120
They can, OK?

1100
01:03:38.120 --> 01:03:41.880
That's some kind of weird advanced maternal age

1101
01:03:41.880 --> 01:03:43.920
medical thing that, you know,

1102
01:03:43.920 --> 01:03:46.040
most women don't go into perimenopause

1103
01:03:46.040 --> 01:03:48.200
until they're about 45, and then menopause,

1104
01:03:48.200 --> 01:03:50.480
I think the average age is, like, 53.

1105
01:03:50.480 --> 01:03:53.000
And so not that a woman that age

1106
01:03:53.000 --> 01:03:55.040
would want to still have children,

1107
01:03:55.040 --> 01:03:58.840
but women definitely have babies into their mid,

1108
01:03:58.840 --> 01:04:01.880
late 30s, early 40s, mid 40s.

1109
01:04:01.880 --> 01:04:04.760
And so I just really want you to keep that in mind.

1110
01:04:04.760 --> 01:04:05.600
Yeah.

1111
01:04:05.600 --> 01:04:08.120
And get your big head.

1112
01:04:08.120 --> 01:04:11.440
OK, so we both have hats on.

1113
01:04:11.440 --> 01:04:13.960
I just made homemade broccoli and cheese soup over there.

1114
01:04:13.960 --> 01:04:15.080
I know, baby, I love it.

1115
01:04:15.080 --> 01:04:15.920
Thank you.

1116
01:04:16.240 --> 01:04:18.680
We have amazing women in this group, you guys.

1117
01:04:18.680 --> 01:04:19.480
We do.

1118
01:04:19.480 --> 01:04:20.280
I mean, we do.

1119
01:04:20.280 --> 01:04:21.880
We have amazing women in this group.

1120
01:04:21.880 --> 01:04:25.360
And all of you, your spotlights are going out.

1121
01:04:25.360 --> 01:04:26.960
They're going out to our email list.

1122
01:04:26.960 --> 01:04:28.640
People are emailing in.

1123
01:04:28.640 --> 01:04:30.360
Some of you have still been in your hard work,

1124
01:04:30.360 --> 01:04:31.720
and you've been like, hey, I don't

1125
01:04:31.720 --> 01:04:32.880
want to be spotlighted yet.

1126
01:04:32.880 --> 01:04:35.440
Like, Steven, you know, he's been like, hey,

1127
01:04:35.440 --> 01:04:37.160
I'm doing my hard work.

1128
01:04:37.160 --> 01:04:38.320
You know, that's cool.

1129
01:04:38.320 --> 01:04:40.600
But there isn't any reason.

1130
01:04:40.600 --> 01:04:42.880
I don't know, did you tell them that all the men

1131
01:04:43.000 --> 01:04:45.760
from our group, they get matched.

1132
01:04:45.760 --> 01:04:47.280
Now, obviously not all of our women

1133
01:04:47.280 --> 01:04:49.360
get matched within our group because there's way

1134
01:04:49.360 --> 01:04:51.760
more of them than you guys.

1135
01:04:51.760 --> 01:04:55.160
But most of the men that come in on subscription,

1136
01:04:55.160 --> 01:04:58.320
like come into the program, not just the challenge group,

1137
01:04:58.320 --> 01:05:00.360
they get matched.

1138
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.120
they actually meet someone here.

1139
01:05:00.360 --> 01:05:03.040
We have a lot of men that go in.

1140
01:05:03.040 --> 01:05:07.440
And I always tell them that all the men from our group,

1141
01:05:03.200 --> 01:05:05.160
So, you know, they meet someone here,

1142
01:05:05.160 --> 01:05:07.920
they meet someone because of here, one or the other.

1143
01:05:07.440 --> 01:05:09.000
they get matched.

1144
01:05:07.920 --> 01:05:11.000
And so the odds are in your favor.

1145
01:05:09.000 --> 01:05:10.440
Now, obviously not all of our women

1146
01:05:10.440 --> 01:05:12.280
get matched within our group because there's

1147
01:05:11.000 --> 01:05:13.360
So I want you guys to really be encouraged.

1148
01:05:13.360 --> 01:05:14.520
You know, you might still be in process

1149
01:05:14.520 --> 01:05:16.920
doing your hard work, different things are happening,

1150
01:05:16.920 --> 01:05:20.720
but we are, you know, we are putting you guys out there.

1151
01:05:20.720 --> 01:05:22.680
And for those of you that are like,

1152
01:05:22.680 --> 01:05:24.280
hey, I'm still hoping to have kids.

1153
01:05:24.280 --> 01:05:26.540
There's no reason why you can't have kids.

1154
01:05:26.540 --> 01:05:28.960
There's no reason why you can't end up with a woman

1155
01:05:28.960 --> 01:05:31.340
who's late thirties, somewhere in there,

1156
01:05:31.340 --> 01:05:32.780
wanting to have babies.

1157
01:05:32.780 --> 01:05:35.100
So don't get depressed about it.

1158
01:05:36.180 --> 01:05:38.260
Yeah, it's not a rule out.

1159
01:05:38.260 --> 01:05:41.300
It's not a hard, I mean, I think as guys

1160
01:05:41.300 --> 01:05:43.700
will tend to like make a hard and fast,

1161
01:05:43.700 --> 01:05:46.260
like pretty black and white, you know, like,

1162
01:05:46.260 --> 01:05:47.860
and DJ is like, look, I just want you to be,

1163
01:05:47.860 --> 01:05:49.440
I just want to set expectations, you know,

1164
01:05:49.440 --> 01:05:52.460
I want to be like, you know, make this hard and,

1165
01:05:52.460 --> 01:05:55.060
you know, fast, just tell me now, rip off the Band-Aid.

1166
01:05:55.060 --> 01:05:56.900
Like, you know, and I'm like,

1167
01:05:56.920 --> 01:06:00.400
that's probably not that extreme.

1168
01:06:00.400 --> 01:06:03.160
So yeah, there's definitely possibility.

1169
01:06:05.160 --> 01:06:07.920
Yeah, but Spiritmate match.

1170
01:06:07.920 --> 01:06:11.520
Did you, have you filled out your Spiritmate match profile?

1171
01:06:11.520 --> 01:06:13.080
I haven't done that yet.

1172
01:06:13.080 --> 01:06:14.880
I'm still like on week three,

1173
01:06:14.880 --> 01:06:16.520
it's taking me longer to get through the hard work

1174
01:06:16.520 --> 01:06:19.720
because there's just been, it's a lot of hard stuff

1175
01:06:19.720 --> 01:06:21.960
that's kind of hit the fan this year.

1176
01:06:21.960 --> 01:06:26.580
Yeah, just one thing super quick is just,

1177
01:06:27.200 --> 01:06:28.640
I've realized for many, many years,

1178
01:06:28.640 --> 01:06:31.480
I kept stuffing emotions and it's very toxic.

1179
01:06:31.480 --> 01:06:34.600
And now I have to deal with all that backlog now this year.

1180
01:06:34.600 --> 01:06:35.800
So, yeah.

1181
01:06:35.800 --> 01:06:38.640
Well, I believe that, I believe that God,

1182
01:06:38.640 --> 01:06:42.540
I believe, you know, yeah, it can be laborious.

1183
01:06:42.540 --> 01:06:43.720
I'll tell you that for sure.

1184
01:06:43.720 --> 01:06:44.840
It can be laborious.

1185
01:06:44.840 --> 01:06:49.840
And the more you return to it and you get better at it.

1186
01:06:51.600 --> 01:06:53.720
It's like, I get better at problem solving,

1187
01:06:53.720 --> 01:06:55.120
you know, type of thing.

1188
01:06:55.140 --> 01:06:56.660
It's kind of like one of those things.

1189
01:06:56.660 --> 01:06:59.660
So the better you get at processing hard work,

1190
01:06:59.660 --> 01:07:01.860
the faster it goes, you know?

1191
01:07:01.860 --> 01:07:04.000
So you don't have to feel like it's gotta be

1192
01:07:04.000 --> 01:07:08.300
just continual suck fest all the time.

1193
01:07:08.300 --> 01:07:09.700
It's gonna be like, I've got trauma,

1194
01:07:09.700 --> 01:07:10.660
I'm gonna get rid of it.

1195
01:07:10.660 --> 01:07:11.620
I'm just gonna deal with it.

1196
01:07:11.620 --> 01:07:12.460
I'm dealing with it.

1197
01:07:12.460 --> 01:07:13.620
I'm dealing with, I'm dealing with it.

1198
01:07:13.620 --> 01:07:15.580
Uncover, uncover, uncover.

1199
01:07:15.580 --> 01:07:17.820
The better you get at problem solving

1200
01:07:17.820 --> 01:07:21.900
and doing the hard work, the faster it'll go.

1201
01:07:21.900 --> 01:07:24.560
So be encouraged, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

1202
01:07:25.540 --> 01:07:26.380
Yeah.

1203
01:07:26.380 --> 01:07:27.700
Thank you, I appreciate that.

1204
01:07:27.700 --> 01:07:29.060
So guys, God bless.

1205
01:07:29.060 --> 01:07:30.260
Have a great week.

1206
01:07:31.140 --> 01:07:32.680
It's awesome tonight.

1207
01:07:33.620 --> 01:07:34.860
Happy Thanksgiving.

1208
01:07:34.860 --> 01:07:36.940
Spirit by Match, dating game tomorrow.

1209
01:07:36.940 --> 01:07:38.880
Jackie's, you know, mentioning that

1210
01:07:38.880 --> 01:07:40.460
from the peanut gallery again.

1211
01:07:40.460 --> 01:07:42.100
Happy Thanksgiving.

1212
01:07:42.100 --> 01:07:43.500
Don't eat too much.

1213
01:07:43.500 --> 01:07:44.340
Enjoy yourselves.

1214
01:07:44.340 --> 01:07:45.260
God bless, guys.

1215
01:07:46.660 --> 01:07:47.500
Happy Thanksgiving.

1216
01:07:47.500 --> 01:07:48.660
God bless, man.

1217
01:07:48.660 --> 01:07:49.500
Yeah.