WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.800
All right, hey, there we go.

2
00:00:02.800 --> 00:00:06.120
Hey, welcome gentlemen and lady

3
00:00:06.120 --> 00:00:10.920
to Men's Heart Check-In February 17th.

4
00:00:10.920 --> 00:00:12.280
Good to see y'all.

5
00:00:12.280 --> 00:00:16.280
My lovely wife is here and we're gonna have a good time.

6
00:00:17.500 --> 00:00:21.420
Yes, I just wanted to touch base with you guys.

7
00:00:22.560 --> 00:00:25.260
How many of you guys are talking to someone right now?

8
00:00:27.480 --> 00:00:28.320
Paul is?

9
00:00:29.280 --> 00:00:34.280
Gone on dates, but nothing exclusive.

10
00:00:34.520 --> 00:00:35.960
Okay, and Daniel, you guys,

11
00:00:35.960 --> 00:00:37.880
you're still talking to Ruth, right?

12
00:00:37.880 --> 00:00:39.220
Yeah.

13
00:00:39.220 --> 00:00:42.120
By the way, just insider information,

14
00:00:42.120 --> 00:00:44.720
you know, Ruth is scared the bottom's gonna fall out

15
00:00:44.720 --> 00:00:45.560
of that.

16
00:00:47.320 --> 00:00:49.300
Just because that, not because of anything

17
00:00:49.300 --> 00:00:50.900
that's happened in that relationship,

18
00:00:50.900 --> 00:00:51.880
but just because you guys,

19
00:00:51.880 --> 00:00:53.160
and I tell you this all the time,

20
00:00:53.160 --> 00:00:55.920
but the further that you get into liking someone

21
00:00:56.000 --> 00:00:59.480
and into relationship, that level three into,

22
00:00:59.480 --> 00:01:01.440
I'm sorry, that level two into level three

23
00:01:01.440 --> 00:01:03.060
and deeper into level three,

24
00:01:03.060 --> 00:01:06.320
it's gonna bring all the heart wounds to the yard, okay?

25
00:01:06.320 --> 00:01:08.440
It's gonna bring it all to the surface for sure

26
00:01:08.440 --> 00:01:09.640
for both of you.

27
00:01:09.640 --> 00:01:12.120
And it's important that when that happens,

28
00:01:12.120 --> 00:01:15.640
that you realize that you're probably just doing

29
00:01:15.640 --> 00:01:17.980
what I call poking each other's orphan.

30
00:01:19.240 --> 00:01:22.580
So if you start to get to a place where you're just like,

31
00:01:22.580 --> 00:01:24.520
things are just coming up and you're being triggered

32
00:01:24.520 --> 00:01:25.440
or they're being triggered,

33
00:01:25.440 --> 00:01:27.320
it's because something that's happening

34
00:01:27.320 --> 00:01:29.360
in the relationship is just, you know,

35
00:01:29.360 --> 00:01:33.920
it's poking that unhealed place of them and vice versa.

36
00:01:33.920 --> 00:01:35.920
So make sure that instead of just cutting

37
00:01:35.920 --> 00:01:37.040
and running from the relationship

38
00:01:37.040 --> 00:01:38.600
when that starts to happen,

39
00:01:38.600 --> 00:01:41.400
that you start to be very self-aware and introspective

40
00:01:41.400 --> 00:01:42.600
and use your heartwork tools.

41
00:01:42.600 --> 00:01:45.280
You guys, this is where the heartwork tools come into

42
00:01:45.280 --> 00:01:48.680
a fact where you're like, okay, let me stop for a second.

43
00:01:48.680 --> 00:01:51.080
Let me feel like, what am I feeling?

44
00:01:51.080 --> 00:01:53.000
You know, where's that feeling coming from?

45
00:01:53.000 --> 00:01:56.200
When's the first time I ever felt that feeling?

46
00:01:56.200 --> 00:01:58.240
Like what memory is it connected to?

47
00:01:58.240 --> 00:02:00.440
What trauma is it connected to?

48
00:02:00.440 --> 00:02:01.960
Have I fully unpacked that?

49
00:02:01.960 --> 00:02:03.440
Have I healed from that?

50
00:02:03.440 --> 00:02:07.160
Do I still believe lies based on that trauma

51
00:02:07.160 --> 00:02:09.919
about myself, about women, about men,

52
00:02:09.919 --> 00:02:13.280
about marriage, about God, wherever it stems from.

53
00:02:13.280 --> 00:02:15.080
And you guys, I will tell you, I noticed,

54
00:02:15.080 --> 00:02:18.120
and I wanna say this, I was making fun of it

55
00:02:18.120 --> 00:02:21.320
because I have to laugh because, you know,

56
00:02:21.320 --> 00:02:23.440
it's not funny, but it is funny.

57
00:02:23.440 --> 00:02:26.440
I was on the news, the national news, News Nation,

58
00:02:26.440 --> 00:02:30.120
and the majority of the people that watch that are men.

59
00:02:30.120 --> 00:02:33.240
And of course, not Christian men, probably.

60
00:02:33.240 --> 00:02:36.200
And it was about, it was before Valentine's Day,

61
00:02:36.200 --> 00:02:38.560
and it was about this article that was written by a man

62
00:02:38.560 --> 00:02:41.120
called Marriage Recession, talking about how marriage

63
00:02:41.120 --> 00:02:43.520
was at an all-time low since the 80s.

64
00:02:43.520 --> 00:02:46.560
So since 1980 on, marriage has declined

65
00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:49.160
and has continued to decline, marriage rates.

66
00:02:49.160 --> 00:02:51.240
And so what is behind Marriage Recession?

67
00:02:51.240 --> 00:02:53.760
You know, they wanted me to weigh in on that, so I did.

68
00:02:53.760 --> 00:02:57.800
And the lady that was the reporter, the news anchor,

69
00:02:57.800 --> 00:03:02.320
you know, it was her, they call it a hit.

70
00:03:02.320 --> 00:03:04.960
It was her hit, it was her story.

71
00:03:04.960 --> 00:03:06.880
And so she was kind of leading me in the direction

72
00:03:06.880 --> 00:03:09.640
that she wanted to go, and I was just answering questions

73
00:03:09.640 --> 00:03:11.800
based on what she was saying.

74
00:03:11.800 --> 00:03:15.040
But, you know, I feel like she was kind of maybe

75
00:03:15.040 --> 00:03:18.200
blaming it on men, but I didn't go that direction.

76
00:03:18.200 --> 00:03:20.440
I kind of took it a different direction.

77
00:03:20.440 --> 00:03:25.440
But the comments afterward kind of take the temperature

78
00:03:25.800 --> 00:03:29.480
of how men, once again, probably not Christian men,

79
00:03:29.480 --> 00:03:32.120
how they feel about marriage.

80
00:03:32.120 --> 00:03:35.880
So this be conservative men, probably over 40.

81
00:03:37.080 --> 00:03:40.280
And the comments were terrible, you guys.

82
00:03:40.280 --> 00:03:43.400
They were just like, you know, marriage is a place

83
00:03:43.400 --> 00:03:45.480
where men get taken advantage of, you know,

84
00:03:45.480 --> 00:03:48.040
unless you're ready to lose 50% of your stuff

85
00:03:48.880 --> 00:03:50.840
and your hard work, don't get married, go overseas,

86
00:03:50.840 --> 00:03:53.320
find a submissive wife, Westernized women

87
00:03:53.320 --> 00:03:54.920
are just after your money.

88
00:03:54.920 --> 00:03:58.600
Just like so much just guile.

89
00:03:58.600 --> 00:04:01.000
And I think that that is, because when I, you know,

90
00:04:01.000 --> 00:04:02.520
I posted on TikTok about marriage,

91
00:04:02.520 --> 00:04:05.280
I got a lot of the same like, marriage is not, you know,

92
00:04:05.280 --> 00:04:09.640
it's not beneficial for men, men shouldn't get married.

93
00:04:09.640 --> 00:04:11.200
One guy even went as far as to say,

94
00:04:11.200 --> 00:04:15.400
until the marriage rate is 0%, we still have work to do.

95
00:04:16.360 --> 00:04:18.120
You know, that kind of thing.

96
00:04:18.120 --> 00:04:21.560
So definitely bitter hearts, hardened hearts,

97
00:04:21.560 --> 00:04:22.520
hurtful things.

98
00:04:22.520 --> 00:04:25.240
And so I want you guys to really, you know,

99
00:04:25.240 --> 00:04:26.600
do some hard work this week

100
00:04:26.600 --> 00:04:28.480
about how do you think about marriage?

101
00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:30.640
I mean, all of you are here because you wanna be married

102
00:04:30.640 --> 00:04:32.600
at some level or at some point in time,

103
00:04:32.600 --> 00:04:33.960
which is why you're here.

104
00:04:33.960 --> 00:04:35.600
But start to really question,

105
00:04:35.600 --> 00:04:37.720
what do I really believe about marriage?

106
00:04:37.720 --> 00:04:40.520
What have my experiences told me about marriage?

107
00:04:40.520 --> 00:04:42.560
The marriages around me, how good are they?

108
00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:44.640
Do I know any happily married men?

109
00:04:44.720 --> 00:04:46.360
What do their marriages look like?

110
00:04:46.360 --> 00:04:48.680
I really want you to dig into that, okay?

111
00:04:49.520 --> 00:04:50.880
Those are important questions

112
00:04:50.880 --> 00:04:53.040
that you need to be asking yourself

113
00:04:53.040 --> 00:04:55.600
because it could be tied, based on your answers,

114
00:04:55.600 --> 00:04:59.280
it could be tied to your temperature toward marriage.

115
00:04:59.280 --> 00:05:00.480
Some of you really have.

116
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:03.920
cold feet. You're dragging your feet. You say you want to be married, but your actions

117
00:05:03.920 --> 00:05:08.400
are not congruent to that because you're finding all kinds of reasons, even all the way to

118
00:05:08.400 --> 00:05:15.360
God as to why you can't make a match. And so I propose to you that marriage is always

119
00:05:15.360 --> 00:05:20.240
going to be work, that it's always going to be an evolution of both people becoming more

120
00:05:20.240 --> 00:05:26.320
and more perfected in Christ. It is God's maturity plan for mankind. I was telling a

121
00:05:26.320 --> 00:05:32.960
female student of ours today, she broke up with her level three boyfriend. They broke

122
00:05:32.960 --> 00:05:37.080
up and she cited the reasons why they broke up. And I really didn't think they were good

123
00:05:37.080 --> 00:05:42.280
reasons. I felt like both of them kind of got scared and there was a lot of, oh, I don't

124
00:05:42.280 --> 00:05:46.960
know that our callings are in alignment, just that kind of mess. And I'm telling you guys

125
00:05:46.960 --> 00:05:51.640
right now, unless you have a calling specifically that's been confirmed to you, like be a missionary

126
00:05:51.800 --> 00:06:01.000
in Iraq, okay, where not a lot of people want to go, then yeah, that's going to be a specialized

127
00:06:01.000 --> 00:06:04.560
situation. If you have kids and you have to stay geographically somewhere because you

128
00:06:04.560 --> 00:06:08.920
have a co-parent that you're parenting with, yeah, those are missions in life that you're

129
00:06:08.920 --> 00:06:13.720
definitely going to have to find a specialized match, but God has it. Everything else, you

130
00:06:13.720 --> 00:06:16.920
guys can get on board with that with each other. David and I are very different. We

131
00:06:16.920 --> 00:06:22.640
have very different gift sets. But as soon as we got married, God began to unlock assignments

132
00:06:22.640 --> 00:06:27.000
that we could do together. And some that we don't do together, some that are just individual

133
00:06:27.000 --> 00:06:31.680
but that we support each other in. And so I really don't want you to get stuck in what

134
00:06:31.680 --> 00:06:37.680
is in my opinion, religious minutiae. Okay, we don't want to do that. But I really jumped

135
00:06:37.680 --> 00:06:43.800
on here because I want to make sure that when you do make these connections, guys all know

136
00:06:43.880 --> 00:06:51.440
that Abram was on the dating game. Okay. He had seven beauties to choose from. He chose

137
00:06:51.440 --> 00:06:54.960
two and you know what's so interesting? He chose the exact two that I thought he was

138
00:06:54.960 --> 00:07:00.000
going to choose. So it's like, all right. So he chose the two, I mean, even before the

139
00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:06.080
game when I, cause I knew who they were in advance and he chose the exact two, get this.

140
00:07:06.080 --> 00:07:12.760
Talk about, you know, serendipitous. One of the girls he chose was someone that he saw

141
00:07:12.840 --> 00:07:16.280
me post on my Instagram. Didn't know anything about it. I just posted a picture of her.

142
00:07:16.280 --> 00:07:19.640
He didn't know anything about this girl at all, but he messaged me and said, Hey, she

143
00:07:19.640 --> 00:07:22.840
looks interesting. I'd like to know more, but I had never gotten back to him yet because

144
00:07:22.840 --> 00:07:28.040
the dating game was the next day. And then the other girl he chose was someone that asked

145
00:07:28.040 --> 00:07:34.000
me about him. Someone who reached out to me about his spotlight. And so those are the

146
00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:38.560
two girls that he chose. And the reason why I'm bringing this up and shoot, he's not here,

147
00:07:38.560 --> 00:07:42.320
but I want to give him, you know, real live coaching feedback. Of course he wants that

148
00:07:42.320 --> 00:07:46.880
and has asked for that. So he'll have to listen to this in replay, but right out of

149
00:07:46.880 --> 00:07:51.000
the gate. And the reason why I know is because one of the girls sent me the receipts. She

150
00:07:51.000 --> 00:07:55.360
sent me the text receipts. So right out of the gate, he texted her, he introduced himself

151
00:07:55.360 --> 00:08:02.280
to her and immediately, who did you vote for in the last election? No, you guys, no, do

152
00:08:02.280 --> 00:08:08.360
not do that. It might be important to you and you might want to be aligned, you know,

153
00:08:09.360 --> 00:08:16.120
spouse. No, you don't know. That is not the first question. All right. And then the second

154
00:08:16.120 --> 00:08:26.880
question he asked, God bless him. You know, are you vaccinated? No, y'all listen. And

155
00:08:26.880 --> 00:08:31.280
some of you would do the same thing. And that's why it's important that we have this conversation.

156
00:08:31.280 --> 00:08:36.240
And that's why I showed up tonight because you guys need to know, you guys need to know

157
00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:41.760
that that is not, that is not how we want to start the conversation. When you guys are

158
00:08:41.760 --> 00:08:45.920
meeting a woman for the first time, the way that you want to start the conversation is

159
00:08:45.920 --> 00:08:54.880
light. Okay. You want to start at light, lighthearted, have some fun, get to know each other. You

160
00:08:54.880 --> 00:09:01.400
can talk about politics and all of that later. You know, don't ask them right off the bat

161
00:09:01.400 --> 00:09:05.240
if it's long distance, if they'd be willing to relocate to where you live, you guys, these

162
00:09:05.240 --> 00:09:11.000
are not questions. It's not an interview. This is not an interview for them to join

163
00:09:11.000 --> 00:09:19.640
your conservative militia. Okay. This is not, that's not what's happening here. Okay. What's

164
00:09:19.640 --> 00:09:24.760
happening here is you're meeting a woman and you got to treat, listen, you got to treat

165
00:09:24.760 --> 00:09:32.800
her like a woman. It's a girl. These are not your bros. This is a girl. Okay. So you have

166
00:09:32.800 --> 00:09:38.280
to be chivalrous. You know, you have to be gentlemanly. You need to put your best foot

167
00:09:38.280 --> 00:09:44.160
forward. Now, even if you don't think it's going to be a match because of, you know,

168
00:09:44.160 --> 00:09:48.480
whatever reason, say you're being introduced to this person because they responded to a

169
00:09:48.480 --> 00:09:52.000
spotlight and you're not really sure about them. You don't know anything about them.

170
00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:57.680
So you're kind of like flying blind with that. Right. Someone's unmuted, babe. There's some

171
00:09:57.680 --> 00:09:59.880
background noise, David.

172
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:00.840
Hey, me.

173
00:10:00.840 --> 00:10:02.240
Okay, so.

174
00:10:08.200 --> 00:10:10.800
Babe, sorry, I muted you, I think, sorry.

175
00:10:11.680 --> 00:10:12.520
By accident.

176
00:10:13.840 --> 00:10:14.880
You want me to unmute?

177
00:10:14.880 --> 00:10:16.480
That's kind of random.

178
00:10:16.480 --> 00:10:18.320
I just muted myself.

179
00:10:20.080 --> 00:10:20.920
Jackie.

180
00:10:20.920 --> 00:10:22.240
You done messed up.

181
00:10:23.760 --> 00:10:25.320
A-A-Ron, okay.

182
00:10:26.280 --> 00:10:28.240
Sorry, babe, I, it was an accident,

183
00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:29.640
I popped up there and then.

184
00:10:30.840 --> 00:10:34.920
Your button came up under my arrow as I was clicking and.

185
00:10:35.840 --> 00:10:37.760
Okay, so all I was saying is,

186
00:10:37.760 --> 00:10:41.080
is that even if it's kind of a blind,

187
00:10:41.080 --> 00:10:45.600
a blind introduction in the way that you didn't pick them,

188
00:10:45.600 --> 00:10:47.640
but for whatever reason, you're talking to them

189
00:10:47.640 --> 00:10:50.800
because, you know, you've been set up on the situation,

190
00:10:50.800 --> 00:10:53.800
still act like a gentleman, still be chivalrous.

191
00:10:53.800 --> 00:10:54.960
Even if you're not attracted,

192
00:10:55.480 --> 00:10:56.480
even if you're not feeling chemistry,

193
00:10:56.480 --> 00:10:59.200
even if, you know, they say something

194
00:10:59.200 --> 00:11:00.600
that you don't really agree with,

195
00:11:00.600 --> 00:11:03.040
there isn't any reason to start a debate or an argument.

196
00:11:03.040 --> 00:11:05.040
There's no reason for that.

197
00:11:05.040 --> 00:11:08.160
You know, you actually don't ever have to see

198
00:11:08.160 --> 00:11:09.320
this person ever again.

199
00:11:10.680 --> 00:11:13.680
So there isn't any reason to try to set them straight

200
00:11:13.680 --> 00:11:18.560
or, you know, to debate why they're wrong about X, Y, Z.

201
00:11:18.560 --> 00:11:20.120
I actually know a couple,

202
00:11:20.120 --> 00:11:22.160
I actually know more than one couple

203
00:11:22.160 --> 00:11:24.160
that did not like each other.

204
00:11:24.160 --> 00:11:25.720
They knew each other from community.

205
00:11:25.720 --> 00:11:27.440
They were both on the same worship team.

206
00:11:27.440 --> 00:11:28.800
They didn't like each other's vibe.

207
00:11:28.800 --> 00:11:32.120
They got on each other's nerves when they first met

208
00:11:32.120 --> 00:11:33.680
because they didn't know each other deeper.

209
00:11:33.680 --> 00:11:34.840
It's like Abraham Lincoln said,

210
00:11:34.840 --> 00:11:37.800
I don't like this man, I must get to know him better.

211
00:11:37.800 --> 00:11:40.040
They got to know each other better and actually got married.

212
00:11:40.040 --> 00:11:41.960
They got thrown together on a project,

213
00:11:41.960 --> 00:11:44.120
had to work together, actually got to know each other,

214
00:11:44.120 --> 00:11:45.480
got past the surface stuff

215
00:11:45.480 --> 00:11:48.120
that they didn't like about each other, the egos,

216
00:11:48.120 --> 00:11:49.280
and they fell in love.

217
00:11:51.040 --> 00:11:54.000
So, you know, unless she's completely repulsive,

218
00:11:54.840 --> 00:11:55.680
I would at least give her a second date

219
00:11:55.680 --> 00:11:58.480
because sometimes people are a bad first impression

220
00:11:58.480 --> 00:12:01.440
and they're nervous and they say stupid crap.

221
00:12:01.440 --> 00:12:02.480
They do.

222
00:12:02.480 --> 00:12:05.200
And so let's just give it a second chance

223
00:12:05.200 --> 00:12:08.440
if there was anything that was redeemable

224
00:12:08.440 --> 00:12:09.800
about the connection.

225
00:12:09.800 --> 00:12:11.520
So guys, I really want when you're,

226
00:12:11.520 --> 00:12:13.720
because you're all going to get a chance to be spotlighted

227
00:12:13.720 --> 00:12:15.360
if you want to be.

228
00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:17.600
We have another spotlight coming up this Thursday.

229
00:12:17.600 --> 00:12:19.880
If you want to be part of it, please let me know.

230
00:12:19.880 --> 00:12:22.760
I have like five or six guys already that are ready to go.

231
00:12:23.760 --> 00:12:25.400
I really want you guys,

232
00:12:25.400 --> 00:12:26.840
someone's trying to call me, of course.

233
00:12:26.840 --> 00:12:30.480
I really want you guys to be spotlighted.

234
00:12:30.480 --> 00:12:33.000
And then, you know, as women write in about you,

235
00:12:33.000 --> 00:12:34.560
we try to vet it out just so you know,

236
00:12:34.560 --> 00:12:36.480
we try to screen the women as best we can.

237
00:12:36.480 --> 00:12:38.920
Like, for instance, if we know like Chris Barth

238
00:12:38.920 --> 00:12:41.160
that you want to get married and have babies,

239
00:12:42.080 --> 00:12:43.960
if someone writes in to us about you

240
00:12:43.960 --> 00:12:47.440
that's like 55 years old, we usually screen that out.

241
00:12:47.440 --> 00:12:50.080
You know, we're not going to, you know,

242
00:12:50.080 --> 00:12:51.560
if you say you can't relocate

243
00:12:51.560 --> 00:12:53.080
because you have shared parenting

244
00:12:53.080 --> 00:12:54.680
and someone else writes into us

245
00:12:54.680 --> 00:12:57.000
that also has small children and is, you know,

246
00:12:57.000 --> 00:12:58.720
lives on the other side of the country from you,

247
00:12:58.720 --> 00:13:01.320
we screen it out because there isn't any,

248
00:13:01.320 --> 00:13:04.880
there's no reason to even start those introductions, right?

249
00:13:04.880 --> 00:13:06.080
So we do our best to screen.

250
00:13:06.080 --> 00:13:08.760
If we think that it's per someone you might be interested in,

251
00:13:08.760 --> 00:13:10.120
in any way, shape, or form,

252
00:13:10.120 --> 00:13:11.080
then we're going to go ahead

253
00:13:11.080 --> 00:13:13.920
and forward those connections to you.

254
00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:18.640
So, but when you do make those connections,

255
00:13:18.640 --> 00:13:21.400
you guys, please be on your best behavior, okay?

256
00:13:22.560 --> 00:13:24.400
Let's have grace.

257
00:13:24.400 --> 00:13:26.040
Let's show class.

258
00:13:26.040 --> 00:13:29.120
Let's definitely not try to dig into someone's past

259
00:13:29.120 --> 00:13:32.080
or, you know, ask them inappropriate questions

260
00:13:32.080 --> 00:13:34.400
that are too personal for right now,

261
00:13:34.400 --> 00:13:37.160
political questions included.

262
00:13:37.160 --> 00:13:39.240
You know, let's not try to dig into that

263
00:13:39.240 --> 00:13:40.080
because all you're trying to do

264
00:13:40.080 --> 00:13:41.720
is just cross them off the list

265
00:13:41.720 --> 00:13:45.200
because they're not what you're looking for, basically.

266
00:13:45.200 --> 00:13:48.440
And, you know, I'll just tell you something about women.

267
00:13:48.480 --> 00:13:51.400
Most women are far less political than men.

268
00:13:52.560 --> 00:13:56.360
And most women, because God has given us a gift of empathy,

269
00:13:56.360 --> 00:14:01.160
we're a lot more socially liberal than men.

270
00:14:01.160 --> 00:14:02.200
Like I'm a conservative.

271
00:14:02.200 --> 00:14:04.800
I usually vote, I've always voted conservative

272
00:14:04.800 --> 00:14:07.400
my whole life because of the candidates

273
00:14:07.400 --> 00:14:10.160
and choosing the conservative candidate.

274
00:14:10.160 --> 00:14:12.200
But I will tell you that there are some things,

275
00:14:12.200 --> 00:14:14.600
like for instance, here's a perfect example.

276
00:14:14.600 --> 00:14:16.800
The White House put out a Valentine.

277
00:14:16.800 --> 00:14:17.840
Did any of you see it?

278
00:14:17.840 --> 00:14:19.560
Raise your hand if you saw the Valentine

279
00:14:19.560 --> 00:14:22.240
that came from the White House social media account.

280
00:14:22.240 --> 00:14:24.080
This is not, this is not the onion.

281
00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:27.920
This was truly the White House that put out this Valentine.

282
00:14:29.440 --> 00:14:30.880
Okay?

283
00:14:30.880 --> 00:14:33.000
It was a picture of Donald Trump and some other guy,

284
00:14:33.000 --> 00:14:34.480
and I don't know who the guy was.

285
00:14:34.480 --> 00:14:36.080
And they were, just their heads

286
00:14:36.080 --> 00:14:39.080
were put onto a pink Valentine.

287
00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:40.400
And the Valentine said this,

288
00:14:40.400 --> 00:14:42.240
"'Roses are red, violets are blue.

289
00:14:42.240 --> 00:14:45.160
"'If you come here illegally, we will deport you.'"

290
00:14:46.240 --> 00:14:47.800
That is what it said.

291
00:14:48.760 --> 00:14:51.560
Now, I mean, yeah, at first glance,

292
00:14:51.560 --> 00:14:54.360
that might give kind of a shocking little chuckle

293
00:14:54.360 --> 00:14:55.520
because it's the White House,

294
00:14:55.520 --> 00:14:58.080
but it also is really, it's really tacky.

295
00:14:59.080 --> 00:14:59.920
Okay?

296
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.920
highest office in America is tacky and most women would feel like that's tacky.

297
00:15:04.920 --> 00:15:06.920
They'd feel like that lacks class.

298
00:15:07.220 --> 00:15:11.760
Also, they would be concerned about all the good people that they know that live

299
00:15:11.760 --> 00:15:14.440
here in America that are not here.

300
00:15:14.440 --> 00:15:18.160
They're not here illegally, but they're also not citizens of this country.

301
00:15:19.000 --> 00:15:21.120
You know, they're working towards citizenship.

302
00:15:21.480 --> 00:15:24.720
Um, and they're trying to, and by the way, the path to citizenship to be an

303
00:15:24.720 --> 00:15:27.600
American legally here is hard.

304
00:15:28.600 --> 00:15:29.520
It's not easy.

305
00:15:29.720 --> 00:15:30.480
It's hard.

306
00:15:30.880 --> 00:15:35.680
And so immediately a woman like me might think, you know, yeah, we don't want

307
00:15:35.920 --> 00:15:37.960
criminals here, especially illegally.

308
00:15:37.960 --> 00:15:41.800
We don't want criminals here legally or illegally hurting people, hurting our

309
00:15:41.800 --> 00:15:46.240
children, but at the same time, we need to make an easier path towards

310
00:15:46.240 --> 00:15:48.120
citizenship for good people.

311
00:15:48.360 --> 00:15:49.860
Like there needs to be reform, right?

312
00:15:49.860 --> 00:15:50.840
The word is reform.

313
00:15:51.440 --> 00:15:53.280
And so what does that mean?

314
00:15:53.280 --> 00:15:57.200
That probably means that women are a lot more empathetic.

315
00:15:58.160 --> 00:15:59.760
Then men are socially.

316
00:16:00.360 --> 00:16:03.120
So you guys, that's what makes us good for you.

317
00:16:03.800 --> 00:16:07.240
Cause men have a tendency to be black and white and wrong and right.

318
00:16:07.280 --> 00:16:09.880
There are some men that are tuned into their feminine and they're a lot

319
00:16:09.880 --> 00:16:13.000
more empathetic than other men, but a lot of men are wrong and right,

320
00:16:13.000 --> 00:16:17.120
black and white kind of guys, facts, please just give me the facts.

321
00:16:17.520 --> 00:16:23.720
And so you need us to kind of cultivate in you, um, more of that

322
00:16:23.720 --> 00:16:25.720
compassion and empathy, right?

323
00:16:26.040 --> 00:16:26.600
It's important.

324
00:16:26.800 --> 00:16:28.520
We bring that to the table for most men.

325
00:16:28.840 --> 00:16:34.680
I know some of you are extremely, um, empathic people.

326
00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:36.960
So, um, Bravo on that.

327
00:16:37.240 --> 00:16:41.240
So anyway, I just want to let you know that we want to be making sure that we

328
00:16:41.520 --> 00:16:46.960
just, you know, treat these connections with a lot of respect and, and don't

329
00:16:46.960 --> 00:16:48.160
come out guns blaring.

330
00:16:48.200 --> 00:16:48.680
Okay.

331
00:16:48.920 --> 00:16:49.360
All right.

332
00:16:49.480 --> 00:16:51.240
Does anyone have any questions before I hop off?

333
00:16:51.480 --> 00:16:53.760
Hey, empathy, not sympathy.

334
00:16:53.880 --> 00:16:54.200
Yes.

335
00:16:54.200 --> 00:16:57.320
Mike, one of the questions, like, I think this will help everybody.

336
00:16:57.320 --> 00:17:01.200
Cause, um, when somebody had, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm not dating anybody

337
00:17:01.200 --> 00:17:05.560
that has long distance and they approach it like, what would be a good tact to

338
00:17:05.599 --> 00:17:09.960
honorably say, you know, I'm not doing, I'm not doing that, how, how to do it

339
00:17:09.960 --> 00:17:14.079
with honor and respect when you're not interested, I think that's something

340
00:17:14.079 --> 00:17:18.520
I struggle with a lot because I, um, I mean, I have a, so I have a, I have a

341
00:17:18.520 --> 00:17:22.119
been on the calls cause I don't want any attention, you know, I, you know,

342
00:17:22.119 --> 00:17:22.839
but at the same time,

343
00:17:22.839 --> 00:17:23.920
that's fair, that's fair.

344
00:17:23.920 --> 00:17:24.200
Okay.

345
00:17:24.200 --> 00:17:28.400
So you guys, if a woman reaches out to you kind of out of the blue, um, you

346
00:17:28.400 --> 00:17:30.280
know, uh, that's not your friend on Facebook.

347
00:17:30.280 --> 00:17:33.720
First of all, you don't have to friend people on Facebook and Facebook has

348
00:17:33.720 --> 00:17:38.160
this really nifty thing where it dumps people that are not your friends into

349
00:17:38.160 --> 00:17:40.800
your spam filter or your message request box.

350
00:17:41.120 --> 00:17:43.800
You have to actually accept those message requests.

351
00:17:44.680 --> 00:17:46.080
You have to accept those messages.

352
00:17:46.120 --> 00:17:47.200
Message requests.

353
00:17:48.080 --> 00:17:49.160
You have to accept them.

354
00:17:49.760 --> 00:17:52.920
Otherwise it just stays in your spam filter and you can see the message.

355
00:17:52.920 --> 00:17:57.000
You can see who it's from, but unless you accept it, it doesn't go to your

356
00:17:57.000 --> 00:17:59.480
inbox and it doesn't show red on your side.

357
00:17:59.480 --> 00:18:01.200
Doesn't show the person that you read it.

358
00:18:01.720 --> 00:18:05.200
So if I were you, I would just decline those message requests from people that,

359
00:18:05.200 --> 00:18:09.720
you know, you know, that you're not interested in romantically getting to

360
00:18:09.720 --> 00:18:12.480
know, cause quite frankly, that's why they're sending you a message request

361
00:18:12.480 --> 00:18:14.160
is to make a romantic connection.

362
00:18:14.520 --> 00:18:17.360
And so if you know that, then just go ahead and delete them.

363
00:18:17.600 --> 00:18:18.760
And so easy done.

364
00:18:19.000 --> 00:18:22.440
Now, if it's a situation where they somehow do get through to you, then

365
00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:25.280
truth is always the best policy.

366
00:18:25.680 --> 00:18:28.240
And so that's hard for Mike cause he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

367
00:18:28.440 --> 00:18:32.040
But being led on is going to be much more harmful to someone

368
00:18:32.160 --> 00:18:33.240
than being told the truth.

369
00:18:33.520 --> 00:18:36.320
And you can say with a lot of class, you can say, Hey, I'm very

370
00:18:36.320 --> 00:18:37.840
flattered that you reached out.

371
00:18:38.560 --> 00:18:40.640
Especially if they're just like, Hey, would you like to do a call?

372
00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:43.600
Like if they're making it clear that that's why they reached out.

373
00:18:44.400 --> 00:18:47.560
If they're not making it clear, I believe in male, female friendships.

374
00:18:47.600 --> 00:18:48.040
Who knows?

375
00:18:48.040 --> 00:18:49.120
They might know your wife.

376
00:18:49.440 --> 00:18:50.000
It's cool.

377
00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:50.920
They could be your wing woman.

378
00:18:50.920 --> 00:18:51.440
Who knows?

379
00:18:51.720 --> 00:18:54.720
But if they reach out and they're making it clear that it's for romantic

380
00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:57.760
purposes, you can just let them know, Hey, thank you so much.

381
00:18:57.760 --> 00:19:00.280
I'm really flattered, but I'm just not interested.

382
00:19:01.720 --> 00:19:04.800
You know, I'm not interested in, in a romantic connection with you.

383
00:19:04.840 --> 00:19:08.000
I'm not, you know, I'm not feeling any interest in pursuing a romantic

384
00:19:08.000 --> 00:19:11.440
connection with you, you know, uh, love to be in community with you.

385
00:19:11.440 --> 00:19:12.080
Be friends.

386
00:19:12.320 --> 00:19:14.720
Also, if they're not making it clear, if there's kind of dropping the

387
00:19:14.720 --> 00:19:18.120
hanky and just dropping in and be like, Hey, hi, I know you from group.

388
00:19:18.480 --> 00:19:19.680
And it's be like, Hey, hi.

389
00:19:19.960 --> 00:19:22.600
But eventually it's going to get to a place where, you know, that they're

390
00:19:22.600 --> 00:19:26.360
making that kind of dropping that hanky and making it like, you know, upping

391
00:19:26.360 --> 00:19:28.800
the ante towards romantic inclinations.

392
00:19:28.800 --> 00:19:29.800
And that's when you do that.

393
00:19:29.840 --> 00:19:30.840
Exactly what I just said.

394
00:19:31.400 --> 00:19:35.960
Hey, I'd love to say I, you know, it's been, it's been nice to, you

395
00:19:35.960 --> 00:19:39.600
know, message with you a bit, but you know, I'd love to say, you

396
00:19:39.600 --> 00:19:41.560
know, in community as your friend.

397
00:19:42.600 --> 00:19:44.120
You just got to come right out and say it, Mike.

398
00:19:44.120 --> 00:19:48.160
And this is going to be a great exercise for you because you have

399
00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:49.800
to be able, you can't be a people pleaser.

400
00:19:49.800 --> 00:19:52.360
You have to be able to have boundaries and to say no.

401
00:19:52.400 --> 00:19:54.360
Well, it's not necessarily that people pleasing.

402
00:19:54.360 --> 00:19:57.920
I just understand that, um, the, the putting themselves out there

403
00:19:57.920 --> 00:19:59.400
and it's, it's not an easy thing.

404
00:19:59.400 --> 00:20:00.040
And I want to honor.

405
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.360
respect that, right? Well, you also don't want anyone to be mad at you. That's true. Well, I also

406
00:20:05.360 --> 00:20:09.440
don't want to pee in the pool or anything like that, right? You know, and so I want to do it

407
00:20:09.440 --> 00:20:15.680
with honor and class and treat and treating well, right? Yeah. I feel like peeing in the pool would

408
00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:22.080
actually be leading someone on. I feel like this is you just actually leaving the pool and saying,

409
00:20:22.080 --> 00:20:29.040
hey, it's nice. I want to go over here now. So, but yes, I appreciate your heart in that,

410
00:20:29.040 --> 00:20:34.160
but honesty is always the best policy, guys. And here's what you need to know. There are people

411
00:20:34.160 --> 00:20:39.840
that will be super offended by that. And you know what? That's their problem. It's just their

412
00:20:39.840 --> 00:20:43.840
problem. It's not your problem. I know that that sounds a little harsh, but it's just true.

413
00:20:44.640 --> 00:20:52.320
Now, it's your problem if you're an a-hole, okay? We have had men in this group that have simply

414
00:20:52.320 --> 00:20:57.760
said to someone, like they didn't even say hi back to them. They simply said, I'm not interested.

415
00:20:57.760 --> 00:21:04.160
And that's it. That's super rude, okay? Kindness.

416
00:21:07.760 --> 00:21:12.480
This is not a dating app, y'all. This is a community. So you have to at least acknowledge,

417
00:21:12.480 --> 00:21:17.680
if you let them get through the gate, right, don't slam the door in their face. You open the door,

418
00:21:17.680 --> 00:21:26.080
you have a nice, polite conversation, and you move on. Cool? Okay. Andy and Hunter, and I'm

419
00:21:26.080 --> 00:21:31.520
sorry, Daniel has his hand up too, on-topic questions of why I came in. So if you're going

420
00:21:31.520 --> 00:21:34.480
to ask me, Hunter, if you're going to ask me when you're going to get private coaching,

421
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:40.880
none of that. It has to be based on what I just talked about. So Andy, you're up.

422
00:21:43.840 --> 00:21:50.560
Okay. Yeah. So I put my question in the chat, but I struggle with empathy. I'm good at being

423
00:21:50.640 --> 00:21:57.200
sympathetic, but not empathetic. It's just real struggle. So, I mean, I don't know where to start,

424
00:21:57.200 --> 00:22:11.680
really. Did everyone hear that? I think we lost Jackie. Yeah, we heard you.

425
00:22:14.400 --> 00:22:18.080
Yeah, Jackie left. We lost Jackie for a second. I don't know what happened.

426
00:22:18.560 --> 00:22:23.040
Oh, no, she didn't go. It's possible that her phone died. Oh, snap.

427
00:22:25.120 --> 00:22:29.920
Inconceivable. That's classic. Do not think that word means what you think it means.

428
00:22:30.640 --> 00:22:36.640
David, you might be able to answer my question. I was just going to ask you if there's an avenue

429
00:22:36.640 --> 00:22:44.480
for me to access some more personalized coaching and kind of guiding through level three process

430
00:22:44.480 --> 00:22:50.000
and continue to get to know people. Yeah, you'll have to reach out to our admin,

431
00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:57.600
admin at JackieDorman.com. They have a whole series of answers and things for that.

432
00:22:57.600 --> 00:23:04.560
All right. It's super helpful because I was running through a situation and Jackie really

433
00:23:04.560 --> 00:23:08.800
helped me. But I mean, the one thing I love about Jackie is she's straight to the point

434
00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:17.120
and I needed to hear the truth that she was speaking. It was a complicated situation,

435
00:23:17.120 --> 00:23:22.080
so I highly recommend it and it's worth every bit of it. Yeah.

436
00:23:27.120 --> 00:23:32.400
There is a difference, I think, between empathy and sympathy, to get back to Andy's question.

437
00:23:32.720 --> 00:23:44.800
And I used to have it taught to me in more of a evangelistic sense,

438
00:23:45.360 --> 00:23:55.440
the empathy-sympathy sort of thing. Sympathy is kind of akin—I'm not going to—this is not going

439
00:23:55.440 --> 00:23:59.360
to be a hard definition, so don't write this down and say this is exactly what you know.

440
00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:11.040
Like, to sympathize with somebody is to—in a negative way, because sympathy sounds good.

441
00:24:12.880 --> 00:24:21.040
And I think sympathy sometimes can run amok because it can put you and that person in the

442
00:24:21.040 --> 00:24:28.240
same situation and where you come down to their level. Now, that can be helpful when you're

443
00:24:28.240 --> 00:24:33.920
trying to reach somebody and show them. And I think that's probably the difference between

444
00:24:33.920 --> 00:24:44.000
empathy and sympathy. Sympathy can be appropriate as long as it doesn't cause you to wallow in

445
00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:51.360
whatever they're dealing with, especially if it's a negative situation. You're trying to be

446
00:24:51.360 --> 00:24:56.320
sympathetic to the fact that they're hurting, they're in pain, they're whatever, they're

447
00:24:56.320 --> 00:25:00.000
lesser—whatever it is. It's kind of like—

448
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.480
like coming into that.

449
00:25:02.480 --> 00:25:07.480
The empathy part of it is where you're feeling their pain

450
00:25:08.920 --> 00:25:12.720
but you have an empowerment to help them

451
00:25:12.720 --> 00:25:14.920
through it, out of it, with it.

452
00:25:14.920 --> 00:25:16.060
Does that make sense?

453
00:25:17.080 --> 00:25:18.060
So.

454
00:25:19.240 --> 00:25:22.080
Yeah, I guess I tend to struggle with that.

455
00:25:22.080 --> 00:25:26.360
I don't feel like it's like if something is someone,

456
00:25:26.360 --> 00:25:27.960
something wrong with that person,

457
00:25:28.000 --> 00:25:30.040
it's like, I feel like I'm just powerless

458
00:25:30.040 --> 00:25:31.600
to do anything to help them

459
00:25:31.600 --> 00:25:33.160
and understand where they're coming from.

460
00:25:33.160 --> 00:25:35.520
And so I'm just like, well, I can sympathize with you

461
00:25:35.520 --> 00:25:37.760
but I can't really be empathetic.

462
00:25:37.760 --> 00:25:42.760
To me, empathy is a way for you to feel their pain

463
00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:47.240
but then be empowered to help them through,

464
00:25:47.240 --> 00:25:50.600
do something about it, solve the problem if you can.

465
00:25:50.600 --> 00:25:51.960
Sometimes you can't solve the problem.

466
00:25:51.960 --> 00:25:54.720
Sometimes you can just empathize with you,

467
00:25:54.720 --> 00:25:57.640
with this person, like I'm trying to feel your pain

468
00:25:58.200 --> 00:26:00.760
and here's some information, here's some help,

469
00:26:00.760 --> 00:26:02.840
here's some assistance.

470
00:26:02.840 --> 00:26:05.360
I'm not going to come down into your mess

471
00:26:06.360 --> 00:26:11.200
and get messy with you and take on your suffering

472
00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:14.280
because it's not mine to take on.

473
00:26:14.280 --> 00:26:15.960
Hi, I'm back.

474
00:26:15.960 --> 00:26:17.880
Sorry, my phone died.

475
00:26:17.880 --> 00:26:21.160
So I was gonna say to Andy, in order to affirm you,

476
00:26:21.160 --> 00:26:22.480
I just wanna let you know that a lot of people

477
00:26:22.480 --> 00:26:23.720
struggle with empathy.

478
00:26:23.960 --> 00:26:25.000
Absolutely.

479
00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:29.280
And also a lot of men struggle with empathy

480
00:26:29.280 --> 00:26:33.000
because they just actually, instead of feeling empathetic,

481
00:26:33.000 --> 00:26:36.920
they just wanna fix it, right?

482
00:26:36.920 --> 00:26:37.840
This is a meme.

483
00:26:37.840 --> 00:26:41.400
It's kind of like a, what's it called?

484
00:26:41.400 --> 00:26:45.400
A stereotype that we always talk about how men just,

485
00:26:45.400 --> 00:26:49.640
the woman just wants to air her grievances,

486
00:26:49.640 --> 00:26:51.520
talk about how hard her day was

487
00:26:51.520 --> 00:26:53.120
or something she's going through.

488
00:26:53.520 --> 00:26:54.360
And what is she looking for?

489
00:26:54.360 --> 00:26:56.600
She's looking for empathy,

490
00:26:56.600 --> 00:26:59.280
maybe even a little sympathy, right?

491
00:26:59.280 --> 00:27:01.880
And instead, the man goes into fix-it mode.

492
00:27:01.880 --> 00:27:03.480
He goes into practical mode.

493
00:27:03.480 --> 00:27:05.200
He goes into problem-solving mode.

494
00:27:05.200 --> 00:27:08.360
And then women don't feel nurtured by that.

495
00:27:08.360 --> 00:27:10.720
They don't feel heard by that.

496
00:27:10.720 --> 00:27:14.200
So sometimes your woman is gonna want you to fix it,

497
00:27:14.200 --> 00:27:17.080
but a lot of times she's just gonna want you to listen

498
00:27:17.080 --> 00:27:22.080
and in some ways commiserate with her.

499
00:27:22.120 --> 00:27:24.640
You're like, oh, I'm so sorry that's going on.

500
00:27:24.640 --> 00:27:26.680
I'm so sorry you're feeling down.

501
00:27:26.680 --> 00:27:29.720
And then encourage, everything's gonna be all right.

502
00:27:29.720 --> 00:27:33.120
But don't bypass.

503
00:27:33.120 --> 00:27:34.480
Don't emotionally bypass.

504
00:27:34.480 --> 00:27:36.320
Let me explain what that is like.

505
00:27:37.720 --> 00:27:39.320
Emotional bypassing would be

506
00:27:39.320 --> 00:27:41.480
where I'm really hurting about something.

507
00:27:41.480 --> 00:27:44.760
And if I came to David and tried to talk to him about it,

508
00:27:44.760 --> 00:27:47.280
and instead of really allowing me

509
00:27:47.280 --> 00:27:49.400
to express how I'm feeling,

510
00:27:49.400 --> 00:27:51.800
he starts applying solutions

511
00:27:52.480 --> 00:27:56.080
or he starts encouraging me inappropriately,

512
00:27:56.080 --> 00:27:57.920
like, oh, it's gonna be okay.

513
00:27:57.920 --> 00:27:59.400
Tomorrow's a new day.

514
00:27:59.400 --> 00:28:02.680
Like he's emotionally bypassing me, right?

515
00:28:02.680 --> 00:28:04.760
He's not allowing me to feel my feels

516
00:28:04.760 --> 00:28:06.240
in order to heal my feels.

517
00:28:06.240 --> 00:28:08.720
Now, if you have a woman who's just a complainer,

518
00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:11.640
you're gonna wanna help her pull herself up

519
00:28:11.640 --> 00:28:12.560
by her bootstraps.

520
00:28:12.560 --> 00:28:14.320
If all she ever does is complain

521
00:28:14.320 --> 00:28:16.160
and she doesn't want solutions,

522
00:28:16.160 --> 00:28:18.640
but she complains about the same thing over and over again

523
00:28:18.640 --> 00:28:19.760
without solutions,

524
00:28:19.800 --> 00:28:21.880
then you're gonna have to have a little,

525
00:28:21.880 --> 00:28:23.800
come to Jesus moment with your girl

526
00:28:25.120 --> 00:28:27.000
because iron sharpens iron.

527
00:28:28.040 --> 00:28:29.320
It's important.

528
00:28:29.320 --> 00:28:31.840
And also guys, for those of you that are spiritual,

529
00:28:31.840 --> 00:28:34.160
don't spiritual bypass your woman either

530
00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:35.720
or even your friends.

531
00:28:35.720 --> 00:28:36.560
What does that mean?

532
00:28:36.560 --> 00:28:39.080
That means same thing, same concept of what I just said,

533
00:28:39.080 --> 00:28:41.320
except now you're slapping a scripture on it.

534
00:28:42.520 --> 00:28:44.360
They're coming to you really wanting to be heard,

535
00:28:44.360 --> 00:28:46.040
really wanting you to empathize.

536
00:28:46.040 --> 00:28:49.320
And the Bible says that the word compassion,

537
00:28:49.320 --> 00:28:50.160
the Bible doesn't say this,

538
00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:51.320
but the word compassion,

539
00:28:51.320 --> 00:28:56.160
the actual Hebrew word that means compassion

540
00:28:56.160 --> 00:28:58.880
actually means entering into the suffering of another.

541
00:29:00.520 --> 00:29:02.880
And so the Bible says that we are to have compassion,

542
00:29:02.880 --> 00:29:04.160
that Jesus had compassion.

543
00:29:04.160 --> 00:29:06.520
And so if you don't have compassion,

544
00:29:06.520 --> 00:29:08.360
the Bible says you can supernaturally have it.

545
00:29:08.360 --> 00:29:09.640
Which scripture is that?

546
00:29:09.640 --> 00:29:11.640
Weep with those that weep and rejoice

547
00:29:11.640 --> 00:29:12.760
with those that rejoice.

548
00:29:12.760 --> 00:29:14.720
That actually means that you can enter

549
00:29:14.720 --> 00:29:17.880
into someone's pain with them supernaturally

550
00:29:17.880 --> 00:29:21.280
via Holy Spirit and hold that space with them.

551
00:29:23.240 --> 00:29:26.320
But spiritual bypassing people,

552
00:29:26.320 --> 00:29:28.840
spiritually bypassing people is the same concept

553
00:29:28.840 --> 00:29:31.680
where someone's coming to you, they need compassion,

554
00:29:31.680 --> 00:29:33.640
but instead you slap a scripture on it.

555
00:29:35.880 --> 00:29:40.160
Oh, well, the Bible says adversity,

556
00:29:40.160 --> 00:29:42.640
that we're gonna have adversity, but be of good cheer.

557
00:29:42.640 --> 00:29:45.320
Jesus has overcome the world, just whatever.

558
00:29:45.320 --> 00:29:47.280
Whatever it is that you slap the scripture on.

559
00:29:47.280 --> 00:29:48.760
No, don't do that.

560
00:29:48.760 --> 00:29:52.120
There'll be a time and place to replace any lies

561
00:29:52.120 --> 00:29:54.360
you hear them talking about with truth.

562
00:29:54.360 --> 00:29:56.320
But right now, all they need is for you

563
00:29:56.320 --> 00:29:58.000
to be in that moment with them.

564
00:29:59.280 --> 00:30:00.120
They need an arm.

565
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.120
over the shoulder, they need a hug, they need a listening ear.

566
00:30:04.120 --> 00:30:08.560
You guys, women have a tendency to be a lot better at this than men, but I believe that

567
00:30:08.560 --> 00:30:13.240
God has created you guys to be good at this as well.

568
00:30:13.240 --> 00:30:17.080
So Andy, there's a lot of people that are what we call neurodivergent, they don't pick

569
00:30:17.080 --> 00:30:19.520
up social cues that well.

570
00:30:19.520 --> 00:30:28.520
A lot of them are men, I do know some women, but a lot of them are men and that's okay.

571
00:30:28.520 --> 00:30:33.880
I know a lot of married men that they didn't really fully know how they were feeling.

572
00:30:33.880 --> 00:30:41.080
They didn't have a lot of vocabulary for their feelings and within relationship, they started

573
00:30:41.080 --> 00:30:48.720
getting more and more of a spectrum of emotions that they could identify, kind of like blossoming

574
00:30:48.720 --> 00:30:49.720
within relationship.

575
00:30:49.720 --> 00:30:56.520
And so I just want to encourage you that this is why it's important for you to just try.

576
00:30:56.520 --> 00:30:58.240
Right now, don't be looking for a wife.

577
00:30:58.240 --> 00:31:01.760
Right now, just be looking for a girlfriend.

578
00:31:01.760 --> 00:31:04.200
Just be looking for someone, just be looking for a date.

579
00:31:04.200 --> 00:31:08.280
Let's just start even smaller because you just need experience, Andy.

580
00:31:08.280 --> 00:31:11.280
That's what you need right now, experience.

581
00:31:11.280 --> 00:31:14.580
So we're going to work with trying to help you get that.

582
00:31:14.580 --> 00:31:20.880
The more that you have experience with the opposite sex, with being around them and what

583
00:31:20.880 --> 00:31:30.120
it looks like to be on a potentially romantic encounter with them, like on a date, then

584
00:31:30.120 --> 00:31:33.680
I feel like you're going to start getting your footing.

585
00:31:33.680 --> 00:31:34.680
Okay?

586
00:31:34.680 --> 00:31:37.000
And then of course, we'll be coaching you all along the way.

587
00:31:37.000 --> 00:31:38.520
Hunter, what's your question?

588
00:31:38.520 --> 00:31:42.400
I was going to ask, I wasn't going to get off topic.

589
00:31:42.400 --> 00:31:44.720
What would the coaching be before Spotlight?

590
00:31:44.720 --> 00:31:48.560
I mean, I don't know if that's appropriate.

591
00:31:48.560 --> 00:31:49.560
No.

592
00:31:49.640 --> 00:31:52.840
Just go ahead and ask me the question that you originally had before I said that.

593
00:31:52.840 --> 00:31:53.840
All right.

594
00:31:53.840 --> 00:31:54.840
That's cool.

595
00:31:54.840 --> 00:32:01.160
What about if I go meet some women in a, like have level two, because I tend to have more

596
00:32:01.160 --> 00:32:03.600
level two relationships in the workforce.

597
00:32:03.600 --> 00:32:10.040
Not that I do it on the job because we just have brief talk and then do what we do because

598
00:32:10.040 --> 00:32:11.040
that's why we're there.

599
00:32:11.040 --> 00:32:16.280
But sometimes we have work parties, like a Super Bowl party we had at my boss's house

600
00:32:16.280 --> 00:32:21.960
where it's more of a socialized one, where first time I got a woman was happy to have

601
00:32:21.960 --> 00:32:26.400
invite me downstairs and we got to sit together and watch the game with other people, right?

602
00:32:26.400 --> 00:32:29.560
There's no making out in my boss's closet or anything.

603
00:32:29.560 --> 00:32:31.720
We just had level two.

604
00:32:31.720 --> 00:32:36.240
We just do what level two relationships would do if that's really good, get the game some

605
00:32:36.240 --> 00:32:37.240
experience.

606
00:32:37.240 --> 00:32:39.160
Hunter, you're like a little horned dog, Hunter.

607
00:32:39.160 --> 00:32:43.800
You're always talking about, but we're not going to make out, we're not going to, listen,

608
00:32:43.800 --> 00:32:47.800
we're at the age where physicality is important in relationship.

609
00:32:47.800 --> 00:32:49.160
I get it.

610
00:32:49.160 --> 00:32:54.600
But I also want to tell you that just like Andy, you just need more experience.

611
00:32:54.600 --> 00:32:57.680
You just need more experience with girls.

612
00:32:57.680 --> 00:32:58.680
You just do.

613
00:32:58.680 --> 00:32:59.680
I agree.

614
00:32:59.680 --> 00:33:02.640
And I want to tell you something else, Hunter.

615
00:33:02.640 --> 00:33:06.400
I know that the only place that you're really in proximity to girls right now is work, but

616
00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:08.480
I don't think it should be work girls.

617
00:33:08.480 --> 00:33:14.120
I know, but that's usually the main social area where I meet a lot of women in person.

618
00:33:14.120 --> 00:33:19.400
I know we've got to get you into other social places where you live.

619
00:33:19.400 --> 00:33:20.400
Where do you live again?

620
00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:21.400
New York, right?

621
00:33:21.400 --> 00:33:22.400
Yeah.

622
00:33:22.400 --> 00:33:25.320
I went to the chapter where we met at the Palisade that went across the street from

623
00:33:25.320 --> 00:33:29.840
Grand Central and I'm in touch with the mediator too.

624
00:33:29.840 --> 00:33:30.840
Okay.

625
00:33:30.840 --> 00:33:31.840
Hope?

626
00:33:31.840 --> 00:33:32.840
Hope Eats?

627
00:33:32.840 --> 00:33:33.840
Yeah.

628
00:33:33.840 --> 00:33:34.840
Okay.

629
00:33:34.840 --> 00:33:38.240
So yeah, single city's great, but even where you live, like where you, do you live in one

630
00:33:39.000 --> 00:33:40.880
of the boroughs or do you live out of New York city?

631
00:33:40.880 --> 00:33:46.560
I am up in upstate New York and my access to the city is just taking the train down

632
00:33:46.560 --> 00:33:47.880
to Grand Central.

633
00:33:47.880 --> 00:33:48.880
Okay.

634
00:33:48.880 --> 00:33:50.120
So it doesn't have to be there.

635
00:33:50.120 --> 00:33:52.120
It can be where you live in your community.

636
00:33:52.120 --> 00:33:53.120
Do you go to a church?

637
00:33:53.120 --> 00:33:54.120
Yes, I do.

638
00:33:54.120 --> 00:33:55.120
Okay.

639
00:33:55.120 --> 00:33:58.480
But usually people just go in here to Word and go out in droves.

640
00:33:58.480 --> 00:34:02.680
I don't have a whole lot of women or like, if anything, they only-

641
00:34:02.680 --> 00:34:04.720
Are there home groups within your church?

642
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:08.400
Are there singles groups within your, where you live?

643
00:34:08.400 --> 00:34:11.679
Like look on Facebook, look where you live, put the city in.

644
00:34:11.679 --> 00:34:18.199
Full gospel, like in LaGrange and under what I do to, and well, it's only my former boss

645
00:34:18.199 --> 00:34:21.840
at a landscaping runs it, but we just, we don't have a lot of people.

646
00:34:21.840 --> 00:34:25.199
It's probably because of some kind of disaster or something.

647
00:34:25.199 --> 00:34:26.199
Okay.

648
00:34:26.199 --> 00:34:27.199
This is what my concern is for you.

649
00:34:27.199 --> 00:34:31.000
My, you remind me a lot of my nephew Asher, okay.

650
00:34:31.000 --> 00:34:35.320
And you know, Asher, like you, is a good looking guy.

651
00:34:35.320 --> 00:34:39.360
He doesn't really have trouble, you know, attracting a girl, so to speak, but he doesn't

652
00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:45.360
really know what to do with a girl when, you know, he, when he is in proximity to one.

653
00:34:45.360 --> 00:34:48.960
And a lot of times he takes, he takes the wrong cues.

654
00:34:48.960 --> 00:34:53.320
Like he'll take cues from movies that he's seen or different things that he thinks like,

655
00:34:53.320 --> 00:34:54.520
well, this is what women want.

656
00:34:54.520 --> 00:34:58.520
This is what women want you to say to them, or, you know, when a girl sitting next to

657
00:34:58.520 --> 00:35:00.040
you, you know, she wants you to.

658
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.560
you know, put your arm around her.

659
00:35:01.560 --> 00:35:05.800
He's taking, he's not taking cues from the, the situation that he's in.

660
00:35:06.000 --> 00:35:10.360
He's taking cues from watching other people and he's, he's applying

661
00:35:10.360 --> 00:35:11.680
that to the wrong context.

662
00:35:11.680 --> 00:35:12.200
Okay.

663
00:35:12.680 --> 00:35:18.000
And so that's why it's important for you to just have a lot of platonic.

664
00:35:18.680 --> 00:35:23.880
That means non-sexual interactions with women that are your age that could

665
00:35:23.880 --> 00:35:26.440
be potential girlfriend material.

666
00:35:27.400 --> 00:35:29.760
And so, David, write this down.

667
00:35:29.760 --> 00:35:36.160
We need to make a list of, um, first of all, Hunter, I want to get you on a, I

668
00:35:36.160 --> 00:35:37.800
want to get you and Andy, both.

669
00:35:37.880 --> 00:35:40.000
I want to get both of you and raise your hand.

670
00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:41.720
If you think this would be helpful for you as well.

671
00:35:41.920 --> 00:35:43.280
I do this for other guys.

672
00:35:43.320 --> 00:35:44.920
I could do this for you guys as well.

673
00:35:45.200 --> 00:35:46.680
I want to get you on a practice date.

674
00:35:47.560 --> 00:35:50.440
That means that the girl that you're going to be with on this

675
00:35:50.440 --> 00:35:54.400
date is not necessarily someone that you're going to end up in a relationship

676
00:35:54.600 --> 00:35:59.160
with, but she's someone on our team that's in your age bracket, that you're

677
00:35:59.160 --> 00:36:03.000
going to treat it like an actual date that you would go on from the beginning

678
00:36:03.000 --> 00:36:06.440
of when you contact her all the way through, it's going to be someone local

679
00:36:06.440 --> 00:36:10.400
that you're going to be able to do with in person, and then they're going to

680
00:36:10.400 --> 00:36:15.080
give us feedback on how it went and you know, what you can improve on.

681
00:36:15.520 --> 00:36:16.200
Would that be good?

682
00:36:16.720 --> 00:36:17.200
Yeah.

683
00:36:17.240 --> 00:36:19.960
Also, I know the thing is I go to the gym.

684
00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:21.600
I just got back from the gym too.

685
00:36:21.600 --> 00:36:24.040
So that's a one social place I went.

686
00:36:24.040 --> 00:36:24.240
Okay.

687
00:36:24.240 --> 00:36:25.440
Be careful at the gym.

688
00:36:25.440 --> 00:36:29.400
Most women don't want to be bothered there, but you know, if you're really

689
00:36:29.400 --> 00:36:34.200
kind and you're appropriate, you could, if you see someone there a lot, you

690
00:36:34.200 --> 00:36:39.520
know, over and over again, you could say hi to them, you know, you could, you

691
00:36:39.520 --> 00:36:42.240
know, but you just have to be careful because sometimes when people are at

692
00:36:42.240 --> 00:36:47.440
places like that, like work or the gym in those contexts, they don't really

693
00:36:47.440 --> 00:36:49.320
want to be quote unquote hit on.

694
00:36:49.440 --> 00:36:49.920
Right.

695
00:36:50.200 --> 00:36:53.120
They don't want to be approached or propositioned in any way.

696
00:36:53.360 --> 00:36:53.720
I don't know.

697
00:36:53.720 --> 00:36:55.800
It's just the work and gym are better.

698
00:36:55.840 --> 00:36:56.720
I go to church.

699
00:36:56.720 --> 00:37:02.720
I've been going there, but usually as of right now, the, the work in a warehouse

700
00:37:02.720 --> 00:37:07.600
are, are more, look like the main social playgrounds, but church can be a

701
00:37:07.600 --> 00:37:11.880
playground too, for me, but used, but it's not as big of a playground as it

702
00:37:11.880 --> 00:37:13.840
used to be when I was a young adult.

703
00:37:14.240 --> 00:37:14.720
Okay.

704
00:37:14.920 --> 00:37:15.880
Well, you're still pretty young.

705
00:37:15.880 --> 00:37:16.480
How are you?

706
00:37:17.000 --> 00:37:17.480
Yes.

707
00:37:18.160 --> 00:37:19.320
How old, how old are you?

708
00:37:19.480 --> 00:37:20.360
Oh, I'm going to guess.

709
00:37:20.520 --> 00:37:22.240
I'm 30.

710
00:37:22.800 --> 00:37:23.600
36.

711
00:37:23.600 --> 00:37:24.520
I'm getting old.

712
00:37:25.040 --> 00:37:26.400
Well, you have a baby face.

713
00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:26.960
All right.

714
00:37:27.000 --> 00:37:32.920
So listen, listen, I have to say to you, you saw me in my, in my black

715
00:37:32.920 --> 00:37:34.640
suit, in my Amazon station.

716
00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:36.360
I did.

717
00:37:36.360 --> 00:37:37.400
And I saw you in person.

718
00:37:37.400 --> 00:37:38.520
I met you in person, Hunter.

719
00:37:38.520 --> 00:37:39.520
You're a good looking guy.

720
00:37:39.560 --> 00:37:40.600
Look, we're going to help you.

721
00:37:40.600 --> 00:37:41.760
We're going to get this practice.

722
00:37:41.800 --> 00:37:43.480
You know, you're kind, you have a good heart.

723
00:37:43.880 --> 00:37:48.840
We're going to, we're going to get some practice with you and, um, in some, in

724
00:37:48.840 --> 00:37:52.080
some coaching stuff with you and see what we can do and Andy, we're going to

725
00:37:52.080 --> 00:37:56.560
help you as well, Daniel, you had your, before my phone went dead, which is what

726
00:37:56.560 --> 00:37:57.880
happened, you had your hand up.

727
00:37:57.880 --> 00:37:58.720
Did you have a question?

728
00:37:58.760 --> 00:38:00.600
And I see that David has a question too.

729
00:38:01.040 --> 00:38:01.240
Yeah.

730
00:38:01.240 --> 00:38:02.080
Hey, thanks for asking.

731
00:38:02.120 --> 00:38:05.080
Uh, David was able to connect me, uh, or answer the question.

732
00:38:05.080 --> 00:38:05.880
So I'm good to go.

733
00:38:06.000 --> 00:38:06.360
Appreciate it.

734
00:38:10.360 --> 00:38:11.320
David van Ryan.

735
00:38:14.720 --> 00:38:15.760
I had to unmute myself.

736
00:38:16.480 --> 00:38:20.960
Uh, so I was wondering what your thoughts were on, uh, I can't remember

737
00:38:20.960 --> 00:38:24.800
the name of this book, it's dating with integrity where they talk about not

738
00:38:24.800 --> 00:38:33.120
kissing at all during the, uh, pursuit slash dating timeframe.

739
00:38:34.240 --> 00:38:38.400
Uh, and like, just, I don't know.

740
00:38:38.440 --> 00:38:40.080
I just was wondering what your thoughts were on it.

741
00:38:40.080 --> 00:38:48.440
Like I come from a more physical past and went on a date this weekend and just

742
00:38:48.440 --> 00:38:54.200
backed away from kissing someone that tried to kiss me and the date went, went

743
00:38:54.200 --> 00:39:02.880
much smoother and more Christ centered than me centered, if that makes sense.

744
00:39:02.960 --> 00:39:07.560
And it just felt, it felt so much better and less like, cause as soon as like

745
00:39:07.560 --> 00:39:11.680
physical elements, like jump into a date, cause it was unplanned, uh, I

746
00:39:11.680 --> 00:39:14.600
wrote a little bit on the, uh, the app.

747
00:39:15.280 --> 00:39:22.240
Uh, sorry, exercise two ladies hopped out of the Arizona hot

748
00:39:22.240 --> 00:39:24.200
Springs helped guide them to the Springs.

749
00:39:25.360 --> 00:39:29.640
They were there to surprise their sister who was getting proposed to.

750
00:39:30.120 --> 00:39:34.920
And then within like a few hours, one of the ladies had asked if she could

751
00:39:34.920 --> 00:39:37.120
come with me to church and I was like, sure.

752
00:39:37.160 --> 00:39:43.360
Like not even thinking of it as a date, but then she asked if she

753
00:39:43.360 --> 00:39:44.480
could message me back and forth.

754
00:39:44.720 --> 00:39:47.840
They're from Canada, but it was just like, uh, Oh, wow.

755
00:39:47.840 --> 00:39:52.040
That actually felt like a really awesome time with someone.

756
00:39:53.040 --> 00:39:55.680
And it, you know, yeah.

757
00:39:56.520 --> 00:39:58.960
Well, I think that you kind of answered.

758
00:39:58.960 --> 00:40:00.000
So this question, I think.

759
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.920
would be different for everybody.

760
00:40:01.920 --> 00:40:06.320
And so my first question to you, and you already answered it, would be, you know, what happens

761
00:40:06.320 --> 00:40:09.480
when physicality is introduced into a connection?

762
00:40:09.480 --> 00:40:12.000
And for you, it seems like the water gets kind of muddy.

763
00:40:12.000 --> 00:40:13.000
Yeah.

764
00:40:13.000 --> 00:40:14.000
All right.

765
00:40:14.000 --> 00:40:20.080
So for you, I think it might be a good idea to refrain from any kind of romantic physical

766
00:40:20.080 --> 00:40:26.640
contact that is going to blur, blur things for you as far as, and you guys, when I say

767
00:40:26.640 --> 00:40:33.640
blur things, I mean, like, am I truly compatible or am I just sexually attracted, right?

768
00:40:33.640 --> 00:40:35.680
My son is dating a girl right now.

769
00:40:35.680 --> 00:40:38.720
He's almost 30, he's 29.

770
00:40:38.720 --> 00:40:42.100
They've been dating for, I think, seven months.

771
00:40:42.100 --> 00:40:46.240
He told her that he loved her for the first time.

772
00:40:46.240 --> 00:40:50.240
And they have not, besides like handholding and, you know, I guess what you would define

773
00:40:50.240 --> 00:40:55.920
as cuddling, like in public, like, you know, like here on our couch watching a movie or

774
00:40:55.920 --> 00:40:58.920
whatever, they haven't ever kissed.

775
00:40:58.920 --> 00:41:03.840
And they both had a conversation about that about two or three months into dating that

776
00:41:03.840 --> 00:41:07.400
she really didn't want to do that until, I don't know.

777
00:41:07.400 --> 00:41:10.280
I don't think that they've said until when.

778
00:41:10.280 --> 00:41:13.440
We've been joking around with him like, hey, please don't have, because he already told

779
00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:16.680
us that, you know, he plans on proposing to this girl.

780
00:41:16.680 --> 00:41:19.520
Please don't have your first kiss at your wedding in front of all of us.

781
00:41:19.520 --> 00:41:23.320
Like just, you know, just, you know, kiss her the night before the wedding, after the

782
00:41:23.320 --> 00:41:24.320
rehearsal dinner.

783
00:41:24.320 --> 00:41:29.040
So have your first kiss somewhere else besides publicly, because it's going to be like the

784
00:41:29.040 --> 00:41:31.960
most awkward thing ever.

785
00:41:31.960 --> 00:41:33.440
But a lot of people do that.

786
00:41:33.440 --> 00:41:34.820
A lot of people want to do that.

787
00:41:34.820 --> 00:41:38.600
If that's not, I shouldn't say a lot, but some people do want to do that.

788
00:41:38.600 --> 00:41:42.240
Some people don't want to really get physically involved with someone until they know that

789
00:41:42.240 --> 00:41:45.560
they're the person that they're going to, that they're going to marry.

790
00:41:45.560 --> 00:41:49.200
You know, not, not until they get married, not have the first kiss until the wedding,

791
00:41:49.200 --> 00:41:53.160
but until they know that this is the person that they're going to marry, they want to

792
00:41:53.160 --> 00:41:59.160
share that with them, you know, depending on how experienced they have been in their

793
00:41:59.160 --> 00:42:00.160
past.

794
00:42:00.160 --> 00:42:07.040
And so for you, it sounds like introducing any kind of physical intimacy too early on

795
00:42:07.040 --> 00:42:10.640
might cause there to be some confusion for you.

796
00:42:10.640 --> 00:42:15.240
So don't do it.

797
00:42:15.240 --> 00:42:20.600
But also if a woman's going in, like if she's the one that's trying to kiss you, I'd have

798
00:42:20.600 --> 00:42:25.080
some questions about that, especially if it's an early connection about, you know,

799
00:42:25.080 --> 00:42:27.360
the forwardness of that for her.

800
00:42:27.360 --> 00:42:28.720
Like what does that mean to her?

801
00:42:28.720 --> 00:42:30.980
What kind of connection is she trying to make?

802
00:42:30.980 --> 00:42:37.480
But also if that is how you feel, if you're really getting to know someone and you get

803
00:42:37.480 --> 00:42:41.920
to a certain amount of dates where it's very obvious that you really like each other, you

804
00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:46.960
want to communicate that you're, you know, that you're not wanting to introduce physical

805
00:42:46.960 --> 00:42:47.960
intimacy.

806
00:42:47.960 --> 00:42:51.880
Otherwise, a lot of women could feel rejected by that.

807
00:42:51.880 --> 00:42:58.240
Yeah, I had, I explained to her why.

808
00:42:58.240 --> 00:43:04.640
And that was like a tie into kind of like my being able to defend my, my boundaries

809
00:43:04.640 --> 00:43:07.880
because she kind of asked me, well, are you not attracted to me?

810
00:43:07.880 --> 00:43:08.880
Have you never had sex?

811
00:43:08.880 --> 00:43:09.880
I'm like, okay.

812
00:43:09.880 --> 00:43:15.760
That's not a question I would like ask right off the bat, but yeah, you have a past is

813
00:43:15.760 --> 00:43:16.760
all I'm saying.

814
00:43:16.760 --> 00:43:20.640
I'm attracted to you, but I want to do this in the right way.

815
00:43:20.640 --> 00:43:22.920
You know, I understand it's Valentine's day.

816
00:43:22.920 --> 00:43:23.920
You've had alcohol.

817
00:43:23.920 --> 00:43:30.160
I don't drink, you know, just we have plenty of time to get to know each other and build

818
00:43:30.160 --> 00:43:33.960
intimacy in other ways other than just relying on kissing each other.

819
00:43:33.960 --> 00:43:36.600
So yeah, no, that's good.

820
00:43:36.600 --> 00:43:37.760
Yeah, that's good.

821
00:43:37.760 --> 00:43:41.920
No, I'm glad that you showed restraint and self-control in that situation.

822
00:43:41.920 --> 00:43:44.840
A lot of men, I mean, I'm sure I'm assuming she's attractive.

823
00:43:44.840 --> 00:43:49.400
A lot of men wouldn't be able to show restraint if an attractive woman was basically throwing

824
00:43:49.400 --> 00:43:51.080
themselves at them.

825
00:43:51.080 --> 00:43:57.080
And so, um, so yeah, you guys remember if, if a woman is throwing herself at you, you

826
00:43:57.080 --> 00:44:04.240
know, then that means she probably not always, but she probably gets, um, her affirmation

827
00:44:04.240 --> 00:44:11.880
from, you know, physical, from physical involvement, meaning that she's not going to feel like

828
00:44:11.880 --> 00:44:17.240
you really like, like it's, it's a form of anxious attachment where they want to become

829
00:44:17.240 --> 00:44:22.800
physical with you because they, that, that makes them feel secure in your affection towards

830
00:44:22.800 --> 00:44:23.800
them.

831
00:44:23.800 --> 00:44:29.680
And then just one last question is, I don't know if it's appropriate to do so.

832
00:44:29.680 --> 00:44:35.680
Um, like I, I told her about the last year single community and she was interested, uh,

833
00:44:35.680 --> 00:44:37.840
but she thought she might not be able to afford it.

834
00:44:38.240 --> 00:44:44.080
Is there a option through last year single where we can give someone a membership?

835
00:44:44.080 --> 00:44:48.560
I mean, I mean, we do, we have allowed that in the past, you know, just, it's not a case

836
00:44:48.560 --> 00:44:56.040
by case basis, but I will say this, that if she really likes you and you sent her here

837
00:44:56.040 --> 00:45:00.000
and she's in the general population and so are you, and you decide that you're not.

838
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.400
going to date her and she's still here.

839
00:45:02.400 --> 00:45:03.600
Yeah, I bet that would be bad.

840
00:45:03.600 --> 00:45:06.480
Yeah, you're going to be spotlighted and meeting other people.

841
00:45:06.480 --> 00:45:08.680
Like it makes it, yeah, yeah.

842
00:45:08.680 --> 00:45:09.760
It gets really messy.

843
00:45:10.960 --> 00:45:11.240
Yep.

844
00:45:11.960 --> 00:45:12.120
Yeah.

845
00:45:12.120 --> 00:45:14.520
I didn't know if there was an appropriate way to do that or something.

846
00:45:14.520 --> 00:45:16.320
We do have heart work only.

847
00:45:16.760 --> 00:45:20.400
So if you want to send her in and we have a heart work only group.

848
00:45:20.400 --> 00:45:24.400
So if she wants to do heart work, um, then we do have that.

849
00:45:24.560 --> 00:45:27.440
And it's really, it's, it's a really great groups, powerful group.

850
00:45:28.480 --> 00:45:29.000
Cool beans.

851
00:45:29.560 --> 00:45:29.880
Yeah.

852
00:45:30.840 --> 00:45:31.320
Thank you again.

853
00:45:31.760 --> 00:45:32.160
Awesome.

854
00:45:32.160 --> 00:45:35.160
Well, you guys, I had no intention of staying this long or hijacking this.

855
00:45:35.200 --> 00:45:38.040
Um, hopefully, I mean, I'm sure you guys like hearing from a woman's

856
00:45:38.040 --> 00:45:39.400
perspective every once in a while.

857
00:45:39.520 --> 00:45:39.960
Right.

858
00:45:42.320 --> 00:45:42.640
Go ahead.

859
00:45:43.120 --> 00:45:43.360
Yeah.

860
00:45:43.480 --> 00:45:47.440
But this is a time where you guys can really, you know, talk about guy stuff

861
00:45:48.000 --> 00:45:50.480
and, uh, anyone else have anything else for me before I let you go?

862
00:45:53.920 --> 00:45:56.720
No, uh, um, I don't know.

863
00:45:56.720 --> 00:46:00.720
I don't think it'll be appropriate is when we'll get started on this

864
00:46:00.880 --> 00:46:03.320
practicing coaching is I'm available.

865
00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:07.440
I'm available a lot that I have a lot of downtime this March,

866
00:46:07.440 --> 00:46:08.920
this coming March and February.

867
00:46:09.360 --> 00:46:09.920
Okay.

868
00:46:10.200 --> 00:46:11.440
Thank you for letting me know that Hunter.

869
00:46:11.440 --> 00:46:14.360
I'm going to have, I'll have Reagan reach out to you.

870
00:46:14.440 --> 00:46:18.040
Um, the, who's the, the customer service, the assistant, and

871
00:46:18.080 --> 00:46:19.320
we'll get it together.

872
00:46:19.320 --> 00:46:19.800
Okay.

873
00:46:20.800 --> 00:46:24.320
Just got to find someone near enough in proximity to you where you live.

874
00:46:24.360 --> 00:46:25.840
That's what we have to figure out.

875
00:46:26.600 --> 00:46:27.520
All right, you guys.

876
00:46:27.520 --> 00:46:30.760
Well, um, thanks for being part of this group.

877
00:46:30.840 --> 00:46:33.200
Uh, we had another one of our guys get engaged.

878
00:46:33.440 --> 00:46:35.080
So Justin is engaged now.

879
00:46:35.080 --> 00:46:35.960
So that's exciting.

880
00:46:36.200 --> 00:46:37.400
I got Nathan Weaver.

881
00:46:37.400 --> 00:46:40.400
For those of you that are, Oh, geez, enough to remember Nathan, Nathan, I

882
00:46:40.400 --> 00:46:46.360
got his, uh, his, uh, wedding invitation in the mail, super exciting.

883
00:46:46.800 --> 00:46:46.920
Yeah.

884
00:46:46.920 --> 00:46:49.600
I don't think Nathan ever thought that he was really, truly going to meet

885
00:46:49.600 --> 00:46:51.920
someone and get married before he joined this community.

886
00:46:51.920 --> 00:46:53.520
He was always being rejected.

887
00:46:53.720 --> 00:46:57.520
I mean, he's only, I'd say he's probably like about five, four.

888
00:46:58.000 --> 00:47:00.000
So he's, you know, he's a short King.

889
00:47:00.640 --> 00:47:06.400
And, um, and you know, he had some issues with what we were talking about today,

890
00:47:06.840 --> 00:47:12.240
uh, with, uh, with Andy and, and Hunter where, you know, he just, he really, he

891
00:47:12.240 --> 00:47:13.600
didn't have any experience with women.

892
00:47:13.600 --> 00:47:18.240
He also just didn't really understand women or really pick up on the

893
00:47:18.240 --> 00:47:20.320
social cues that women put out.

894
00:47:20.720 --> 00:47:23.440
And so, but he is marrying a very cute girl.

895
00:47:23.440 --> 00:47:24.840
They are so cute together.

896
00:47:24.880 --> 00:47:30.000
And, um, and so very excited for him and for his future.

897
00:47:30.560 --> 00:47:35.680
And, uh, so yeah, so I know we don't, I don't post all the success

898
00:47:35.680 --> 00:47:36.880
stories in the guys group.

899
00:47:36.880 --> 00:47:39.800
Like I do the women's group, but if you feel like that would build your faith.

900
00:47:40.280 --> 00:47:44.480
I mean, you guys, we have engagement announcements every week in this community.

901
00:47:44.480 --> 00:47:49.040
So if you feel like that would be encouraging to you guys, um, to see all

902
00:47:49.040 --> 00:47:52.600
of those couples pictures or engagement or their wedding pictures being posted,

903
00:47:52.600 --> 00:47:55.400
I'd be more than happy to post those as well for you guys.

904
00:47:55.880 --> 00:47:56.520
That would be great.

905
00:47:57.600 --> 00:47:58.120
I will.

906
00:47:58.320 --> 00:47:58.560
All right.

907
00:47:58.560 --> 00:48:02.840
Make sure if you want to be spotlighted, uh, Thursday at 8 PM on the single

908
00:48:02.840 --> 00:48:06.320
spotlight, we'll be spotlighting 10 ladies and 10 guys.

909
00:48:06.320 --> 00:48:09.520
If you want to be spotlighted, let us know and we'll make sure

910
00:48:09.520 --> 00:48:10.600
that you get spotlighted.

911
00:48:10.840 --> 00:48:11.360
All right.

912
00:48:11.760 --> 00:48:12.320
All right, guys.

913
00:48:12.440 --> 00:48:13.040
See you soon.

914
00:48:14.720 --> 00:48:15.280
Awesome.

915
00:48:16.160 --> 00:48:16.760
God bless you.

916
00:48:19.320 --> 00:48:20.040
It's really awesome.

917
00:48:22.400 --> 00:48:27.800
Can I circle back to something that, um, yeah, Mike, well, I, cause I, I remember,

918
00:48:27.840 --> 00:48:33.160
um, I struggled, uh, cause I was married for 20, it would have been 25 years last

919
00:48:33.160 --> 00:48:39.600
year, but, um, like about the whole empathizing and you know, the, if I, what

920
00:48:39.600 --> 00:48:44.840
helped me was to be there, like, it's not to fix it, it's just to be on the journey

921
00:48:44.840 --> 00:48:46.400
with them through the process.

922
00:48:46.720 --> 00:48:50.800
Like, you know, you're, you're like on a detective hunt to see what's going on or

923
00:48:51.000 --> 00:48:54.480
like, you're, you're, you're, you're just, you're just joining her on her journey

924
00:48:54.760 --> 00:48:56.520
and letting her come around full circle.

925
00:48:56.760 --> 00:48:58.320
Cause I'd always be like, that's so stupid.

926
00:48:58.320 --> 00:49:00.360
Like, just why can't you just fix it?

927
00:49:00.360 --> 00:49:01.280
Like, this is so simple.

928
00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:02.600
We can do this in like 30 seconds.

929
00:49:03.040 --> 00:49:03.680
It's over.

930
00:49:03.880 --> 00:49:09.480
But like, like, you know, um, somebody, um, Ladies have to go full circle

931
00:49:09.520 --> 00:49:12.560
where their minds are connected, interconnected.

932
00:49:12.760 --> 00:49:14.520
They need to go full circle to close things.

933
00:49:14.520 --> 00:49:15.720
We can close them like that.

934
00:49:15.720 --> 00:49:17.160
We have boxes and we just close them.

935
00:49:17.200 --> 00:49:17.560
Right.

936
00:49:17.800 --> 00:49:20.720
But they need to come full circle to close the box.

937
00:49:20.920 --> 00:49:24.200
So when you're having a conversation with them, really what they're doing

938
00:49:24.200 --> 00:49:28.080
is saying, I have this box open and it's bugging me and I want to close it.

939
00:49:28.560 --> 00:49:33.680
And when I understood that in that kind of context where it wasn't, and sometimes

940
00:49:33.680 --> 00:49:38.160
they ask you to fix it, but I've found that more, more often than not, they fix

941
00:49:38.160 --> 00:49:42.360
it themselves because they talk through the whole process and you give them that

942
00:49:42.360 --> 00:49:43.880
space to talk through it.

943
00:49:44.160 --> 00:49:47.680
And then you're a hero because like, and you, I don't know how many times you're

944
00:49:47.680 --> 00:49:51.080
like, I didn't even say a thing, but you know, and you just be part of the,

945
00:49:51.240 --> 00:49:52.600
part of it with the process.

946
00:49:52.960 --> 00:49:57.120
And just another, one of the things, if your struggle with feeling feelings,

947
00:49:57.120 --> 00:49:59.960
cause I know I, I would be like, I don't know what I'm feeling, honestly.

948
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.560
Yeah, I felt so dumb. I had this list, like a page of faces,

949
00:50:04.560 --> 00:50:06.800
like all the different feelings on a page, I think there's a

950
00:50:06.800 --> 00:50:09.920
wheel. But I literally would sit there and be like, what am I

951
00:50:09.920 --> 00:50:13.040
feeling today? I mean, other than anger, you know, because

952
00:50:13.040 --> 00:50:17.040
anger is a secondary emotion. And don't and it was it felt so

953
00:50:17.040 --> 00:50:23.360
dumb. But after about six months of like, literally categorizing

954
00:50:23.360 --> 00:50:27.160
everything I was feeling, start, you know, it really helped me to

955
00:50:27.160 --> 00:50:30.240
be emotionally available in those situations. Because a lot

956
00:50:30.240 --> 00:50:32.960
of times your woman comes to and they're like, the whole world is

957
00:50:32.960 --> 00:50:35.800
falling. And all you want to do is fix it and save them. But

958
00:50:35.800 --> 00:50:39.320
really, what you need to do is be part of it with them. And

959
00:50:39.320 --> 00:50:42.160
that is actually doing the very thing that and it's not on you

960
00:50:42.160 --> 00:50:44.640
to fix and solve, they just want you to go in the process with

961
00:50:44.640 --> 00:50:47.800
them. So I guess I know, because I know I used to freeze up on

962
00:50:47.800 --> 00:50:53.160
that. And just just be curious, relax and go with them on the

963
00:50:53.160 --> 00:50:55.040
journey. So that's just my two cents.

964
00:50:55.920 --> 00:50:59.640
Yeah, it's, it's kind of interesting, because there's

965
00:50:59.640 --> 00:51:02.680
definitely this, this, this yin and yang, especially in the

966
00:51:02.680 --> 00:51:07.640
masculine with regard to that, like, being sensitive, being

967
00:51:07.680 --> 00:51:11.760
emotional versus being our instinctual selves, which is,

968
00:51:11.960 --> 00:51:14.960
and the thing about it is, it's just like, it's not that men are

969
00:51:15.240 --> 00:51:22.800
like instinctually, you know, there's, there's a lot of things

970
00:51:22.800 --> 00:51:27.880
that men are pretty universally. But we just go

971
00:51:27.880 --> 00:51:30.640
about it a little bit different way from man to man. Does that

972
00:51:30.640 --> 00:51:33.880
make sense? Like some, some are a little bit more emotional

973
00:51:33.880 --> 00:51:36.640
about it, some are a little bit less than emotional about, you

974
00:51:36.640 --> 00:51:40.000
know, their their fixing, so to speak, like one thing for sure

975
00:51:40.000 --> 00:51:45.000
about men pretty universally, is they want to fix the problem.

976
00:51:45.600 --> 00:51:50.160
And lots of times, that's just tied to the fact that, you

977
00:51:50.160 --> 00:51:55.560
know, if you're less emotional about it, you don't want to

978
00:51:56.320 --> 00:52:00.480
muck and mire into the emotions. Because like problems create

979
00:52:00.480 --> 00:52:02.680
like these emotions that are involved with them. So if you

980
00:52:02.680 --> 00:52:06.120
just go in and fix it, you can fix the emotional part of it, in

981
00:52:06.120 --> 00:52:08.920
that you don't have to get emotional. That's if you're the

982
00:52:08.920 --> 00:52:11.560
guy that doesn't like to be emotional. Does that make sense?

983
00:52:11.880 --> 00:52:16.640
But if you're the guy that's emotional, then you want to be

984
00:52:16.640 --> 00:52:20.120
sort of the hero. So you want to come in with your emotion, and

985
00:52:20.120 --> 00:52:25.040
overshadow the emotion that your woman is trying to, to

986
00:52:25.040 --> 00:52:28.600
feel. Remember when Jackie was talking about earlier, lots of

987
00:52:28.600 --> 00:52:31.960
times women just want to like, they want to walk through that

988
00:52:31.960 --> 00:52:35.240
emotion, they don't want to be overshadowed by whatever you

989
00:52:35.240 --> 00:52:40.000
want to try to fix, either from a position of superiority, or a

990
00:52:40.000 --> 00:52:46.200
position of fear. Make sense? So there's a there's a list that I

991
00:52:46.200 --> 00:52:48.760
look at every once in a while. And one of the things that's on

992
00:52:48.840 --> 00:52:53.560
this list is that men are creatures of the edge. We're

993
00:52:53.560 --> 00:52:57.240
creatures of the edge. And I don't know if you understand

994
00:52:57.240 --> 00:53:00.560
what that means. But I talked about this before, like, we're

995
00:53:00.560 --> 00:53:06.640
all given a piece of property, a space, so to speak. And what I

996
00:53:06.640 --> 00:53:09.960
like to think of it as like a physical piece of property. If

997
00:53:09.960 --> 00:53:13.240
you were given, if it's a half an acre, acre, two acres, five

998
00:53:13.240 --> 00:53:17.920
acres, 500 acres, whatever you think your size of property is

999
00:53:17.920 --> 00:53:22.400
given, and that kind of is equates to or relates to like

1000
00:53:22.400 --> 00:53:27.080
your potential. Do you have the potential for 1000s? Or do you

1001
00:53:27.080 --> 00:53:30.440
have the potential for a dozen, you know, type thing, and it's

1002
00:53:31.000 --> 00:53:36.520
one's not any greater than the other. Jesus has the potential

1003
00:53:36.960 --> 00:53:42.200
in moments for the 5000. But he had a greater potential for the

1004
00:53:42.200 --> 00:53:46.320
12 that he literally changed their lives, and then they

1005
00:53:46.320 --> 00:53:50.800
changed the new world. Do you understand? Even though Jesus we

1006
00:53:50.800 --> 00:53:56.600
think of as being a universal, like he had more capacity to

1007
00:53:56.640 --> 00:54:01.880
really empower the 12 to change the world versus being this

1008
00:54:01.880 --> 00:54:04.600
figure that was in front of 1000s of people, although he

1009
00:54:04.600 --> 00:54:09.320
wasn't in front of 1000s of people in one moment. That

1010
00:54:09.320 --> 00:54:14.280
wasn't his every day. Make sense? So the idea is this

1011
00:54:14.280 --> 00:54:16.440
capacity, it's like, what is your property? What is your

1012
00:54:16.440 --> 00:54:21.240
capacity? And the question then begs is like, okay, so you have

1013
00:54:21.240 --> 00:54:26.880
this territory. What are you going to do with it, right? And

1014
00:54:26.880 --> 00:54:31.680
if you choose to build a homestead on it, your job as the

1015
00:54:31.680 --> 00:54:38.680
man is to go to the edge to create and understand the limits

1016
00:54:38.680 --> 00:54:42.640
of this property, your interest, maybe you put a fence around it,

1017
00:54:42.640 --> 00:54:45.800
maybe you define it, maybe you say, okay, this is the edge is my

1018
00:54:45.800 --> 00:54:49.120
property across this line is your property. I don't have

1019
00:54:49.120 --> 00:54:52.880
anything to do with your property. Right? Meaning this is

1020
00:54:52.880 --> 00:54:56.200
where my boundary lies. I don't have anything to do if the

1021
00:54:56.200 --> 00:54:58.800
stream is on the other side, there's a problem. That's your

1022
00:54:58.800 --> 00:54:59.920
problem, not mine.

1023
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.760
And it's clear to identify that men want to know where their boundaries are, are their

1024
00:55:05.760 --> 00:55:09.920
boundaries wide or narrow, whatever, but whatever it is, they want to know the boundary.

1025
00:55:09.920 --> 00:55:12.880
That's why we're creatures of the edge.

1026
00:55:12.880 --> 00:55:20.820
And when you're building a homestead with your property, your wife's domain is the domain

1027
00:55:20.820 --> 00:55:21.820
that you give her.

1028
00:55:21.820 --> 00:55:26.320
You provide her this edge, you provide her this space, you contribute this space and

1029
00:55:26.320 --> 00:55:28.400
say, Hey, there's this space.

1030
00:55:28.400 --> 00:55:31.960
Let's make of it together what we will.

1031
00:55:31.960 --> 00:55:33.800
What are we going to make in this space?

1032
00:55:33.800 --> 00:55:35.840
Do you need me to construct something in the space?

1033
00:55:35.840 --> 00:55:40.040
Do you need me to level out this space?

1034
00:55:40.040 --> 00:55:46.520
Do you mean I've already defined it with the fencing, but whatever happens inside the space,

1035
00:55:46.520 --> 00:55:48.800
this is the wandering area.

1036
00:55:48.800 --> 00:55:55.120
And so the feminine is more of the person that is going to be wandering all throughout

1037
00:55:55.120 --> 00:55:58.720
the property and maybe plan to garden over here.

1038
00:55:58.720 --> 00:56:01.260
Maybe leave this wild and untamed.

1039
00:56:01.260 --> 00:56:02.900
Maybe take this portion right here.

1040
00:56:02.900 --> 00:56:07.180
And after you've built her a structure, she then makes it a home.

1041
00:56:07.180 --> 00:56:14.560
You see the difference, just translating with anybody, helping anybody, nobody's like,

1042
00:56:14.560 --> 00:56:15.840
I'm finding it helpful.

1043
00:56:15.840 --> 00:56:20.000
It matches a lot of the King archetype kind of stuff, but it gives it different words.

1044
00:56:20.000 --> 00:56:21.000
So thank you.

1045
00:56:21.000 --> 00:56:22.000
Yeah.

1046
00:56:22.000 --> 00:56:27.920
I mean, it just kind of goes to like same thing and solve and problem solving.

1047
00:56:27.920 --> 00:56:32.500
We want to go to the edge of a problem when our wife is having an, our girlfriend's having

1048
00:56:32.500 --> 00:56:37.280
an emotional struggle, battle, whatever, and I'm having a problem and I'm dealing with

1049
00:56:37.280 --> 00:56:38.280
this.

1050
00:56:38.280 --> 00:56:43.880
We want to go to the edge and define that and go, here's your problem, da, da, da, da,

1051
00:56:43.880 --> 00:56:47.240
like write that that's not helpful.

1052
00:56:47.240 --> 00:56:49.040
She knows there's an edge.

1053
00:56:49.080 --> 00:56:50.960
She knows that you're tending the edge.

1054
00:56:50.960 --> 00:56:55.640
If you're a good man, she knows that there's a boundary somewhere out there.

1055
00:56:55.640 --> 00:57:00.680
She's not so concerned about the boundary because why?

1056
00:57:00.680 --> 00:57:03.220
Because you know where the boundary is.

1057
00:57:03.220 --> 00:57:09.280
What she's concerned about is the middle, the undefined, the sort of like unrefined,

1058
00:57:09.280 --> 00:57:12.880
the sort of like questionable, sort of the gray area.

1059
00:57:12.880 --> 00:57:17.280
Metaphorically, I'm like kidding on a lot of things here, but does that make sense to

1060
00:57:17.280 --> 00:57:21.260
you as a man to go, yeah, I'm out here.

1061
00:57:21.260 --> 00:57:24.800
So every time I'm trying to define, yeah, but the fence is over here.

1062
00:57:24.800 --> 00:57:29.640
She's like, I don't care anything about the fence.

1063
00:57:29.640 --> 00:57:31.720
You got that.

1064
00:57:31.720 --> 00:57:33.280
You got the gate.

1065
00:57:33.280 --> 00:57:34.600
I'm not worried about the fence.

1066
00:57:34.600 --> 00:57:37.200
I'm worried about what's going on in between.

1067
00:57:37.200 --> 00:57:39.200
I'm worried about what's going on in the gray.

1068
00:57:39.200 --> 00:57:43.560
I'm worried about, and like, sometimes we don't have the answers for that.

1069
00:57:43.560 --> 00:57:46.920
That's why coming in and trying to, as the man tried to like, oh, let me fix your situation.

1070
00:57:47.560 --> 00:57:48.560
I can fix you in five seconds.

1071
00:57:48.560 --> 00:57:49.560
Let me give you the answer.

1072
00:57:49.560 --> 00:57:51.200
Let me like help you.

1073
00:57:51.200 --> 00:57:52.720
And we think we're helping.

1074
00:57:52.720 --> 00:57:54.240
We think we're redefining.

1075
00:57:54.240 --> 00:57:59.680
We think we're bringing clarity in, but we're not.

1076
00:57:59.680 --> 00:58:07.800
This is the same problem that we're having, I think, on some of these first dates.

1077
00:58:07.800 --> 00:58:18.000
For instance, the first date guys, the initial part of the relationship is not the opportunity.

1078
00:58:18.000 --> 00:58:20.720
And I'm not trying to be like, I'm not trying to be corrective.

1079
00:58:20.720 --> 00:58:26.960
I'm trying to be clarifying here because your job is not to like, like we've said before,

1080
00:58:26.960 --> 00:58:28.240
this is not an interview.

1081
00:58:28.240 --> 00:58:37.000
This is not you trying to like, you would be better served for yourself and the female

1082
00:58:37.200 --> 00:58:40.560
that you're going on this date with.

1083
00:58:40.560 --> 00:58:46.840
You and her would be better served if you had no agenda whatsoever.

1084
00:58:46.840 --> 00:58:52.080
As in, I'm not trying to get the answers that I'm seeking for as the man.

1085
00:58:52.080 --> 00:58:56.560
I'm not trying to find out, is she worthy of going on another date?

1086
00:58:56.560 --> 00:58:58.840
Is she, is she attractive?

1087
00:58:58.840 --> 00:59:03.640
Is she, you know, does she tick track, tick off all of the things on my list of what I

1088
00:59:03.640 --> 00:59:05.080
need in a wife?

1089
00:59:05.080 --> 00:59:11.920
You know, like, like if you go into the date, just trying to serve first and foremost, having

1090
00:59:11.920 --> 00:59:14.840
a plan, what are we going to do?

1091
00:59:14.840 --> 00:59:16.120
Because she expects to have that.

1092
00:59:16.120 --> 00:59:19.660
And all women want to have that regardless of whether they're strong women or not.

1093
00:59:19.660 --> 00:59:22.240
They always like a man to have a plan.

1094
00:59:22.240 --> 00:59:23.240
So you're going to have a plan.

1095
00:59:23.240 --> 00:59:24.240
So what are we doing?

1096
00:59:24.240 --> 00:59:25.240
Where are we going?

1097
00:59:25.240 --> 00:59:26.500
That kind of thing.

1098
00:59:26.500 --> 00:59:28.320
And that doesn't need to be like forefront.

1099
00:59:28.320 --> 00:59:29.680
That doesn't need to be front and center.

1100
00:59:29.680 --> 00:59:33.640
That just needs to be known by you because you already made up your mind.

1101
00:59:33.640 --> 00:59:41.880
This is what we're going to do, but with some flexibility, meaning that those plans

1102
00:59:41.880 --> 00:59:49.600
can change because you're going to like soften, but you always have like, Hey, this is what

1103
00:59:49.600 --> 00:59:50.600
we're doing.

1104
00:59:50.600 --> 00:59:51.600
We're going here.

1105
00:59:51.600 --> 00:59:56.800
And then if something changes, if you pick up on something that she desires, it's like,

1106
00:59:56.800 --> 00:59:59.400
I don't know if that, that would be fun.

1107
00:59:59.400 --> 01:00:00.040
I don't know if this.

1108
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.680
would be like, whatever, you can adjust your plan.

1109
01:00:05.080 --> 01:00:10.080
One time, the very first anniversary that Jackie and I had,

1110
01:00:10.920 --> 01:00:14.560
this is our one year anniversary.

1111
01:00:14.560 --> 01:00:15.960
I was like, you know, it's our anniversary,

1112
01:00:15.960 --> 01:00:18.120
it's coming up, the date, it's known.

1113
01:00:18.120 --> 01:00:20.320
Wasn't like it was a surprise, it was a known date

1114
01:00:20.320 --> 01:00:21.320
because it's the anniversary.

1115
01:00:21.320 --> 01:00:23.600
It's like, hello, you knew this a year ago.

1116
01:00:23.600 --> 01:00:25.860
So I had better have a plan, right?

1117
01:00:25.860 --> 01:00:27.760
So I had this plan.

1118
01:00:27.860 --> 01:00:31.260
I'm kind of like, I'm more of the bougie person

1119
01:00:31.260 --> 01:00:34.660
in our relationship than my wife, believe it or not.

1120
01:00:34.660 --> 01:00:37.100
I don't know if that's a surprise to you or not,

1121
01:00:37.100 --> 01:00:38.540
but I am the more bougie one.

1122
01:00:38.540 --> 01:00:42.700
Like I would have no problem dropping whatever money,

1123
01:00:42.700 --> 01:00:45.140
whatever on something, like my taste is bougier,

1124
01:00:45.140 --> 01:00:46.780
like whatever.

1125
01:00:46.780 --> 01:00:49.780
And I had reservations at a nice restaurant

1126
01:00:49.780 --> 01:00:52.260
and it was a nice restaurant that I probably

1127
01:00:52.260 --> 01:00:56.660
hardly could afford at the time and it was nice.

1128
01:00:56.660 --> 01:01:00.960
And we were gonna go there and we kind of got dressed up

1129
01:01:00.960 --> 01:01:02.880
a little bit, not like too fancy, but you know,

1130
01:01:02.880 --> 01:01:06.600
we were like, it wasn't like sweatsuit or anything, right?

1131
01:01:06.600 --> 01:01:11.600
So we go and we go to the restaurant,

1132
01:01:11.920 --> 01:01:13.480
we walk all the way into the restaurants.

1133
01:01:13.480 --> 01:01:14.960
Wasn't like it was, you know,

1134
01:01:14.960 --> 01:01:16.640
like we were walking up to the restaurant.

1135
01:01:16.640 --> 01:01:18.660
So it wasn't like it was not known.

1136
01:01:18.660 --> 01:01:21.960
She goes with me and she comes in and she's like,

1137
01:01:22.960 --> 01:01:25.940
it was like, let me see the menu.

1138
01:01:25.940 --> 01:01:30.280
Before we're even seated, like at the,

1139
01:01:30.280 --> 01:01:31.120
what is it?

1140
01:01:31.120 --> 01:01:33.720
The counter, the host.

1141
01:01:33.720 --> 01:01:35.760
Yeah, the hostess station.

1142
01:01:35.760 --> 01:01:37.160
She says, let me see this menu.

1143
01:01:37.160 --> 01:01:39.980
She looks at this menu, she goes, oh, this is ridiculous.

1144
01:01:39.980 --> 01:01:41.080
We're not eating here.

1145
01:01:41.080 --> 01:01:44.240
She closes the menu and she goes,

1146
01:01:44.240 --> 01:01:48.120
let's go get a beer and a steak, you know?

1147
01:01:48.120 --> 01:01:51.920
And I'm like, first of all, like a lot of men would be like,

1148
01:01:51.920 --> 01:01:53.200
that's my kind of woman.

1149
01:01:53.200 --> 01:01:55.120
Like, hello, you know, like, you know, like,

1150
01:01:55.120 --> 01:01:57.020
hey, you know, cheap date and everything.

1151
01:01:57.020 --> 01:01:58.700
But I was kind of offended because I was like,

1152
01:01:58.700 --> 01:02:02.620
hey, like I made this reservation, you know, and whatever.

1153
01:02:02.620 --> 01:02:05.060
So, but I didn't, I didn't make a big deal about that.

1154
01:02:05.060 --> 01:02:06.420
I mean, I didn't get cry.

1155
01:02:06.420 --> 01:02:07.860
Cause hey, it's my first anniversary.

1156
01:02:07.860 --> 01:02:10.140
I'm not going to mess this up, right?

1157
01:02:10.140 --> 01:02:13.540
So, but I was just like, huh, I learned something about that.

1158
01:02:13.540 --> 01:02:14.940
It's like, first of all,

1159
01:02:14.940 --> 01:02:17.020
my wife isn't as bougie as she thinks.

1160
01:02:17.020 --> 01:02:18.780
Like there's some things that she really,

1161
01:02:18.780 --> 01:02:22.220
really specific about and other things she's really not.

1162
01:02:22.220 --> 01:02:25.520
It doesn't matter to my wife, a nice restaurant.

1163
01:02:25.520 --> 01:02:27.740
Like she likes nice restaurants,

1164
01:02:27.740 --> 01:02:29.500
but that doesn't like impress her.

1165
01:02:30.400 --> 01:02:31.560
Make sense?

1166
01:02:31.560 --> 01:02:35.640
What impressed her in that moment of our life was,

1167
01:02:35.640 --> 01:02:39.200
I would rather you take me to a steak joint and a beer,

1168
01:02:39.200 --> 01:02:41.900
have a good time, have a fun time.

1169
01:02:41.900 --> 01:02:44.360
Cause it's not so much pressure to be uppity and formal

1170
01:02:44.360 --> 01:02:46.480
and so forth in a nice restaurant and all that.

1171
01:02:46.480 --> 01:02:47.960
That's cutting out her speed.

1172
01:02:47.960 --> 01:02:49.680
I want to go have fun.

1173
01:02:49.680 --> 01:02:52.280
And if you were going to spend money on me,

1174
01:02:52.280 --> 01:02:55.620
I would like you to like buy me a present,

1175
01:02:55.620 --> 01:02:56.940
buy me a new pair of jeans.

1176
01:02:56.940 --> 01:02:59.800
Like I would like, like something different.

1177
01:03:00.860 --> 01:03:03.240
Notice how that did not go with my plans,

1178
01:03:04.560 --> 01:03:09.020
but I adjusted because I picked up on what she was telling

1179
01:03:09.020 --> 01:03:11.580
me and she was literally telling me.

1180
01:03:11.580 --> 01:03:13.140
It wasn't like I had to guess.

1181
01:03:13.140 --> 01:03:17.040
So she made it easy for me and we had a great time.

1182
01:03:17.040 --> 01:03:18.740
We had a fabulous time.

1183
01:03:18.760 --> 01:03:21.000
We learned about each other in that moment.

1184
01:03:21.000 --> 01:03:23.080
And that was our very first anniversary.

1185
01:03:23.080 --> 01:03:25.240
So your plans can be flexible,

1186
01:03:25.240 --> 01:03:30.040
but your purpose in this first encounter with this woman,

1187
01:03:32.040 --> 01:03:34.880
if you are into her and if you're attracted to her

1188
01:03:34.880 --> 01:03:36.020
and you're like her,

1189
01:03:37.100 --> 01:03:41.760
then your responsibility is to be charming,

1190
01:03:41.760 --> 01:03:45.920
is to wow her with a sense of like, wow,

1191
01:03:45.920 --> 01:03:47.680
amazing how charming this guy is.

1192
01:03:47.680 --> 01:03:50.460
Amazing how interested this guy is in me.

1193
01:03:50.460 --> 01:03:53.460
Amazing how interested this guy is asking me about me,

1194
01:03:53.460 --> 01:03:55.620
concerned about how I feel, concerned of it.

1195
01:03:55.620 --> 01:03:57.180
Did you get enough to eat?

1196
01:03:57.180 --> 01:03:58.120
Are you comfortable?

1197
01:03:58.120 --> 01:03:58.960
Are you warm?

1198
01:03:58.960 --> 01:03:59.780
Are you cold?

1199
01:03:59.780 --> 01:04:01.380
Would you be sitting here too long?

1200
01:04:01.380 --> 01:04:02.300
Let's go do something.

1201
01:04:02.300 --> 01:04:03.920
Would you like to take a walk?

1202
01:04:03.920 --> 01:04:06.320
Like you see how you're leading in all of that,

1203
01:04:07.380 --> 01:04:11.660
but at the same time, you are totally in to her.

1204
01:04:11.660 --> 01:04:14.920
You're totally into what she's feeling,

1205
01:04:14.920 --> 01:04:16.060
she's wanting, whatever.

1206
01:04:16.080 --> 01:04:19.880
You're trying to totally like discover her.

1207
01:04:19.880 --> 01:04:22.600
And even if you're not attracted to this person,

1208
01:04:22.600 --> 01:04:25.120
so you meet this person and you're with the first few

1209
01:04:25.120 --> 01:04:26.800
minutes and you've encountered them

1210
01:04:26.800 --> 01:04:28.300
and you're still going on this date,

1211
01:04:28.300 --> 01:04:29.140
even though you're like,

1212
01:04:29.140 --> 01:04:30.280
I don't really think I'm into this person

1213
01:04:30.280 --> 01:04:32.680
because on initial looks or initial whatever,

1214
01:04:32.680 --> 01:04:35.200
you know, the first 15, 20 minutes or so, right?

1215
01:04:35.200 --> 01:04:37.320
You're not feeling her.

1216
01:04:37.320 --> 01:04:41.640
The next best thing you can do is to be as charming

1217
01:04:41.640 --> 01:04:45.700
and as wonderful a man as you can be.

1218
01:04:46.680 --> 01:04:48.160
Because the reality is,

1219
01:04:48.160 --> 01:04:50.680
is you don't got to go on a second date,

1220
01:04:50.680 --> 01:04:54.440
but you could give this woman the time of her life.

1221
01:04:54.440 --> 01:04:56.080
You could give her some hope.

1222
01:04:56.080 --> 01:04:57.640
You could give her some honor.

1223
01:04:57.640 --> 01:04:59.920
You could show her that good men are there.

1224
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.440
You can like charm the pants off of her,

1225
01:05:02.440 --> 01:05:05.240
not because you've talked about yourself all night,

1226
01:05:05.240 --> 01:05:07.800
not because you showed her how much you know,

1227
01:05:07.800 --> 01:05:11.480
not because you show her how funny you are,

1228
01:05:11.480 --> 01:05:13.920
but by literally making it all about her.

1229
01:05:15.080 --> 01:05:16.080
That is the approach.

1230
01:05:16.080 --> 01:05:20.320
Let me, if you can do that, that's wonderful.

1231
01:05:20.320 --> 01:05:24.640
If you just at least come in with the mindset of that,

1232
01:05:24.640 --> 01:05:26.560
that's just as good,

1233
01:05:26.560 --> 01:05:28.840
because you're gonna show that you're trying,

1234
01:05:28.840 --> 01:05:31.080
that you're gonna like, maybe you're not Mr. Charm,

1235
01:05:31.080 --> 01:05:34.360
maybe you're not Mr. Ryan Gosling

1236
01:05:34.360 --> 01:05:35.880
who just charmed the pants off of anybody,

1237
01:05:35.880 --> 01:05:38.960
whatever, like type thing, whatever.

1238
01:05:38.960 --> 01:05:40.680
You don't have to have that skillset,

1239
01:05:40.680 --> 01:05:43.680
but you could come in with the mindset.

1240
01:05:43.680 --> 01:05:46.600
So the mindset is the important part of it.

1241
01:05:46.600 --> 01:05:51.600
The mindset should be, I'm getting nothing out of this date

1242
01:05:51.720 --> 01:05:55.960
other than just really making this woman

1243
01:05:55.960 --> 01:05:58.520
just show her the time of her life.

1244
01:05:59.200 --> 01:06:00.720
That's such a powerful introduction.

1245
01:06:00.720 --> 01:06:02.600
It's a manly introduction,

1246
01:06:02.600 --> 01:06:04.920
because you're definitely gonna pick up

1247
01:06:04.920 --> 01:06:06.200
on whether you like this person or not.

1248
01:06:06.200 --> 01:06:08.880
You're definitely gonna pick up some things,

1249
01:06:08.880 --> 01:06:11.040
but your posture towards the situation,

1250
01:06:11.040 --> 01:06:14.080
you're not gonna ruin the date, right?

1251
01:06:14.080 --> 01:06:17.160
By just being like charming.

1252
01:06:17.160 --> 01:06:20.480
Now you can't be apathetic.

1253
01:06:20.480 --> 01:06:25.080
You can't be so compliant that you're complacent.

1254
01:06:25.080 --> 01:06:27.720
You can't just be like, well, what do you wanna do?

1255
01:06:28.680 --> 01:06:29.520
What is it?

1256
01:06:29.520 --> 01:06:33.200
You can't, there's a huge balance between this.

1257
01:06:33.200 --> 01:06:34.160
So this is where, Andy,

1258
01:06:34.160 --> 01:06:37.480
where this is not about you being sympathetic

1259
01:06:37.480 --> 01:06:39.960
in terms of trying to feel what's going on

1260
01:06:39.960 --> 01:06:43.240
or trying to appreciate what she's going through,

1261
01:06:43.240 --> 01:06:44.480
but not doing it.

1262
01:06:44.480 --> 01:06:45.400
You know what I'm saying?

1263
01:06:45.400 --> 01:06:46.280
It's not about that.

1264
01:06:46.280 --> 01:06:47.440
You definitely have to walk through.

1265
01:06:47.440 --> 01:06:48.720
So this is where you can rely,

1266
01:06:48.720 --> 01:06:52.000
if you're getting too compliant,

1267
01:06:52.000 --> 01:06:53.400
this is where you can rely on your plan.

1268
01:06:53.400 --> 01:06:56.160
This is where your plan takes you through.

1269
01:06:56.200 --> 01:06:58.200
Like this is where your plan's like,

1270
01:06:58.200 --> 01:07:00.760
oh, we're gonna eat and then we're gonna go take a walk

1271
01:07:00.760 --> 01:07:02.920
or we're gonna go to a movie or whatever the thing is.

1272
01:07:02.920 --> 01:07:05.400
The plan helps you have that backup

1273
01:07:05.400 --> 01:07:08.160
to where you're just not doing nothing.

1274
01:07:08.160 --> 01:07:10.160
Does that make sense?

1275
01:07:10.160 --> 01:07:12.040
So if the conversation's a little,

1276
01:07:13.120 --> 01:07:16.120
like we run out of things to talk to,

1277
01:07:16.120 --> 01:07:17.520
and you know that about yourself,

1278
01:07:17.520 --> 01:07:19.200
you're not a great conversationist,

1279
01:07:19.200 --> 01:07:20.800
you plan that too.

1280
01:07:20.800 --> 01:07:22.920
You have a note card maybe,

1281
01:07:22.920 --> 01:07:24.160
or something on your phone

1282
01:07:24.160 --> 01:07:26.720
that gives you a few things to talk about,

1283
01:07:26.720 --> 01:07:29.360
to ask questions, to bring up topics,

1284
01:07:29.360 --> 01:07:30.200
that kind of thing.

1285
01:07:30.200 --> 01:07:31.240
So if conversations,

1286
01:07:31.240 --> 01:07:35.360
so you plan all of your inadequacies

1287
01:07:35.360 --> 01:07:37.680
and you have a plan for the night,

1288
01:07:37.680 --> 01:07:40.400
but then you can always throw your plan aside

1289
01:07:40.400 --> 01:07:43.000
if things are just going really good and natural and fun.

1290
01:07:43.000 --> 01:07:45.720
And hey, let's not eat at the fancy restaurant.

1291
01:07:45.720 --> 01:07:46.840
You know, you want a steak?

1292
01:07:46.840 --> 01:07:47.680
Steak's great.

1293
01:07:47.680 --> 01:07:48.520
I love steak.

1294
01:07:48.520 --> 01:07:49.360
You love steak?

1295
01:07:49.360 --> 01:07:50.200
Yeah, I love steak.

1296
01:07:50.200 --> 01:07:51.040
I've been really hungry.

1297
01:07:51.040 --> 01:07:52.760
Like I know a great steak place.

1298
01:07:52.760 --> 01:07:54.080
Let's go.

1299
01:07:55.000 --> 01:07:55.840
Let's get out of here.

1300
01:07:55.840 --> 01:07:56.680
Let's not do this.

1301
01:07:56.680 --> 01:07:57.520
Let's do this over here.

1302
01:07:57.520 --> 01:07:58.760
That'll be more fun for you.

1303
01:07:58.760 --> 01:07:59.600
Yeah, that'd be great.

1304
01:07:59.600 --> 01:08:01.120
Yeah, let's do that.

1305
01:08:01.120 --> 01:08:03.440
Man, we're gonna have a great time.

1306
01:08:03.440 --> 01:08:06.720
You see how that approach to the first, second date

1307
01:08:06.720 --> 01:08:09.640
is way more healthy, way more enjoyable.

1308
01:08:09.640 --> 01:08:10.680
You're gonna have more fun.

1309
01:08:10.680 --> 01:08:14.000
She's gonna have more fun, right?

1310
01:08:14.000 --> 01:08:16.439
And even if you're not into her,

1311
01:08:16.439 --> 01:08:19.160
it was incredible practice

1312
01:08:19.160 --> 01:08:22.160
that you had with this person of the opposite sex.

1313
01:08:24.279 --> 01:08:25.800
It's incredible.

1314
01:08:25.800 --> 01:08:28.040
I don't know if anybody's tracking on this approach or not,

1315
01:08:28.040 --> 01:08:29.960
but I think it's good advice.

1316
01:08:29.960 --> 01:08:31.160
I love that you're hitting it.

1317
01:08:31.160 --> 01:08:34.520
And like, I think like women want to be led.

1318
01:08:34.520 --> 01:08:36.399
They don't want to be dominant.

1319
01:08:36.399 --> 01:08:39.720
If you don't lead, they're gonna lose.

1320
01:08:39.720 --> 01:08:43.040
They may go out with you, but they lose all respect.

1321
01:08:43.040 --> 01:08:45.040
Well, so like, you know, like for like in David,

1322
01:08:45.040 --> 01:08:46.680
that's sort of, you know, like,

1323
01:08:46.680 --> 01:08:49.640
cause I've been chatting with a lot of ladies, right?

1324
01:08:49.640 --> 01:08:50.560
You know, coming up and going,

1325
01:08:50.560 --> 01:08:52.840
hey, do you want to go to fancy?

1326
01:08:52.840 --> 01:08:54.279
Having the plan being like,

1327
01:08:54.279 --> 01:08:55.439
hey, do you want to go to a fancy place

1328
01:08:55.439 --> 01:08:57.200
or do you want to go beer and steak?

1329
01:08:57.200 --> 01:08:59.800
And you give them, you present the option to them

1330
01:08:59.800 --> 01:09:01.040
and let them choose.

1331
01:09:01.040 --> 01:09:01.880
So they're part of the process.

1332
01:09:01.880 --> 01:09:04.279
What's cool about that is that maybe not at first.

1333
01:09:04.279 --> 01:09:05.960
Well, not so, but yeah.

1334
01:09:05.960 --> 01:09:06.800
Maybe you leave with like,

1335
01:09:06.800 --> 01:09:08.640
hey, this is what we're doing.

1336
01:09:09.800 --> 01:09:12.520
And then there's a moment where you were like,

1337
01:09:12.520 --> 01:09:13.359
you know what?

1338
01:09:13.359 --> 01:09:14.319
I don't know if she's really feeling this.

1339
01:09:14.319 --> 01:09:15.160
Are you feeling this?

1340
01:09:15.160 --> 01:09:16.000
Do you like this place?

1341
01:09:16.000 --> 01:09:16.840
Is it okay?

1342
01:09:16.840 --> 01:09:17.680
Yeah, I like this place.

1343
01:09:17.680 --> 01:09:18.520
This is really nice.

1344
01:09:18.520 --> 01:09:20.279
But thank you for taking me to this very nice place.

1345
01:09:20.279 --> 01:09:21.120
Oh, wow, cool.

1346
01:09:21.120 --> 01:09:22.279
That's great.

1347
01:09:23.040 --> 01:09:27.319
So you can leave the option as an audible, right?

1348
01:09:27.319 --> 01:09:28.160
Yeah.

1349
01:09:28.160 --> 01:09:29.279
You're the quarterback.

1350
01:09:29.279 --> 01:09:30.120
It's an audible.

1351
01:09:30.120 --> 01:09:34.760
You don't have to like tell her up front, you know?

1352
01:09:34.760 --> 01:09:37.040
Well, and you can delegate too in a way.

1353
01:09:37.040 --> 01:09:38.640
You can say, hey, you know, I had a lot of fun.

1354
01:09:38.640 --> 01:09:39.479
I planned this one.

1355
01:09:39.479 --> 01:09:42.880
I'd love for you to plan the next one and do what you like.

1356
01:09:42.880 --> 01:09:46.640
And you guys learn that off of each other where,

1357
01:09:46.640 --> 01:09:49.520
so just, yeah, but you gotta have a plan.

1358
01:09:49.520 --> 01:09:51.560
Even at the plans skeleton,

1359
01:09:51.600 --> 01:09:54.040
you have to have a plan and you gotta leave.

1360
01:09:54.040 --> 01:09:56.080
Yeah, definitely have a plan.

1361
01:09:56.080 --> 01:09:59.320
Even if they're planning it the next time,

1362
01:09:59.320 --> 01:10:00.480
you still have a plan.

1363
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.920
Because you had to back up you're always you're always backing up. Yeah, you gotta have to be able to pivot if you have to

1364
01:10:07.280 --> 01:10:09.280
It's good stuff

1365
01:10:09.520 --> 01:10:10.560
um

1366
01:10:10.560 --> 01:10:16.720
It's funny. I was in I was in uh, I was in a conference all week this last week and it was in pretty credible

1367
01:10:17.040 --> 01:10:19.600
Uh conference. There's a lot of things that are really cool about it

1368
01:10:20.080 --> 01:10:25.200
Um, let's do this one thing at the very end here and I want to do this little exercise. Um,

1369
01:10:26.160 --> 01:10:29.200
And if you've seen this before don't say anything about it until we

1370
01:10:29.520 --> 01:10:35.760
you know, we kind of get the end but everybody like put your hands out wide like this and and like your hands are like

1371
01:10:36.240 --> 01:10:37.600
like this

1372
01:10:37.600 --> 01:10:42.800
I don't know if i'm not showing this. Okay, like like this. Okay, then you're putting your hands out put your hands out wide

1373
01:10:44.480 --> 01:10:46.880
And then just bring them together and interlock your fingers

1374
01:10:49.280 --> 01:10:51.280
Bring them together again

1375
01:10:51.440 --> 01:10:53.440
Now

1376
01:10:53.440 --> 01:10:56.960
Okay, another word now bring them together when I say now

1377
01:10:58.960 --> 01:11:00.960
Now

1378
01:11:01.840 --> 01:11:03.840
Okay now

1379
01:11:05.680 --> 01:11:07.680
Now

1380
01:11:11.120 --> 01:11:14.720
All right, okay, you're doing good very good. All right, we'll do it one more time

1381
01:11:16.000 --> 01:11:18.720
And notice when you bring your fingers together

1382
01:11:19.360 --> 01:11:22.320
Bring everybody bring your fingers together now we're fingers together

1383
01:11:23.680 --> 01:11:29.600
Like this notice which of your thumbs is over top. Is it your left or your right?

1384
01:11:31.840 --> 01:11:36.880
Which one how many are how many are left raise your hand

1385
01:11:39.440 --> 01:11:42.320
For me left hand, yeah

1386
01:11:43.920 --> 01:11:45.920
How many is right

1387
01:11:45.920 --> 01:11:47.920
Yeah

1388
01:11:48.400 --> 01:11:50.400
Hunter you're right

1389
01:11:50.800 --> 01:11:54.880
Thomas what are you thomas? You're right-handed, right? So right thumb over top

1390
01:11:57.040 --> 01:12:01.600
Left thumb right thumb anybody like just go back and forth

1391
01:12:02.800 --> 01:12:07.600
Like when they're bringing their hands together, they just it wasn't the same thing every time it was just like different anybody

1392
01:12:08.960 --> 01:12:10.960
Nobody

1393
01:12:12.000 --> 01:12:14.000
Okay, so

1394
01:12:14.080 --> 01:12:15.280
I

1395
01:12:15.280 --> 01:12:18.080
Was in a four-hour session with tony robbins actually this weekend

1396
01:12:18.160 --> 01:12:20.720
That was one of the speakers at the conference. I was at it's really cool

1397
01:12:21.280 --> 01:12:23.280
I'd never seen tony robbins in person

1398
01:12:23.840 --> 01:12:25.760
and um

1399
01:12:25.760 --> 01:12:27.760
so the left thumb

1400
01:12:28.160 --> 01:12:31.600
It's this this is psychology and this has been there's research done to this

1401
01:12:32.160 --> 01:12:36.320
And it's an indicator. It's actually based on some some some ancient ideas as well

1402
01:12:36.320 --> 01:12:38.320
But it's indicated if your left thumb

1403
01:12:38.720 --> 01:12:45.220
It goes over when you interlock your hands like this and your left thumb is over that means you're more emotional

1404
01:12:46.240 --> 01:12:49.840
you're more in touch with your emotions more in touch with your sort of like

1405
01:12:51.200 --> 01:12:55.840
Empathetic side that kind of thing more emotional to your approach

1406
01:12:56.720 --> 01:12:58.720
if your right thumb

1407
01:12:58.720 --> 01:13:01.540
Is over top of your interlocking situation?

1408
01:13:02.400 --> 01:13:04.400
You are more logical

1409
01:13:04.800 --> 01:13:07.120
More logical to your approach more logical to

1410
01:13:08.000 --> 01:13:10.000
Problem solving to your life that kind of thing

1411
01:13:10.720 --> 01:13:12.080
um

1412
01:13:12.080 --> 01:13:17.200
And it's really interesting. That's kind of like what the safe thing is, but here's what's tony's version tony robbins said

1413
01:13:18.460 --> 01:13:25.040
Scientists say that if your left thumb goes over that over you if you're a man, you want to have lots of powerful sex

1414
01:13:26.560 --> 01:13:28.560
You want to have just a glorious

1415
01:13:29.020 --> 01:13:30.720
passionate powerful

1416
01:13:30.720 --> 01:13:32.560
glorious sex

1417
01:13:32.560 --> 01:13:35.440
and if your right thumb goes over your

1418
01:13:36.000 --> 01:13:41.280
Hands like that you want to have as much money and as much power as you can possibly have

1419
01:13:41.680 --> 01:13:43.680
That's what tony robbins's version

1420
01:13:44.160 --> 01:13:46.640
Of that little exercise is all about

1421
01:13:47.360 --> 01:13:50.160
and so it was funny because then he's just like

1422
01:13:50.480 --> 01:13:53.280
There's a guy in the front row. He's trying to figure out which one does he want?

1423
01:13:53.280 --> 01:13:57.280
It's a left or right left right left, right? He's just like do I want sex? Do I want money?

1424
01:13:57.280 --> 01:13:58.800
Do I have sex or money?

1425
01:13:58.800 --> 01:14:03.920
You know, it's just like this little exercise was so funny and so enlightening. I thought it was really great

1426
01:14:04.640 --> 01:14:06.160
and um

1427
01:14:06.160 --> 01:14:08.160
So which one of you wants?

1428
01:14:08.480 --> 01:14:10.480
power and money

1429
01:14:11.040 --> 01:14:16.900
All that kind of stuff and which one is of you want just glorious wonderful amazing

1430
01:14:17.920 --> 01:14:19.600
sex and satisfaction

1431
01:14:19.600 --> 01:14:22.240
I want the sex sex faction, but I say that

1432
01:14:23.040 --> 01:14:27.440
Then again, if there's a pregnancy then I would change switch sides. Yeah, that's not that's not a good thing

1433
01:14:27.920 --> 01:14:30.160
I had to take it. No, no take backs, man

1434
01:14:30.960 --> 01:14:34.080
No take back, that's right. You can't switch up now. Oh, yeah, i'll take the sex

1435
01:14:34.160 --> 01:14:38.800
I mean next time next time you do this or next time you like fold your hands to pray or something

1436
01:14:38.800 --> 01:14:42.160
You're thinking oh my gosh, like what who am I like?

1437
01:14:42.800 --> 01:14:46.080
Start questioning myself like what is going on just so you know

1438
01:14:46.880 --> 01:14:49.280
I am left over right which means i'm

1439
01:14:51.040 --> 01:14:53.040
Very emotional

1440
01:14:53.120 --> 01:14:56.880
and so forth you can do a little research on that if you want to see if uh,

1441
01:14:57.600 --> 01:14:59.600
Really if you agree with that or not

1442
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:08.640
So, I thought that'd be a fun exercise and so hopefully we had a good time tonight, guys.

1443
01:15:08.640 --> 01:15:09.640
Good information.

1444
01:15:09.640 --> 01:15:10.640
Any questions?

1445
01:15:10.640 --> 01:15:13.720
I have no questions.

1446
01:15:13.720 --> 01:15:14.720
Any questions?

1447
01:15:14.720 --> 01:15:15.720
Surprise report.

1448
01:15:15.720 --> 01:15:16.720
What's that, David?

1449
01:15:16.720 --> 01:15:24.080
So, I was talking to Mike and some of the other guys on the call before you jumped on.

1450
01:15:24.080 --> 01:15:29.960
The VA found me entitled for Vocational Rehab or VR&E services and they're going to pay

1451
01:15:29.960 --> 01:15:34.760
for me to go to school for four years.

1452
01:15:34.760 --> 01:15:35.760
Not the move part.

1453
01:15:35.760 --> 01:15:37.080
I'm figuring that part out now.

1454
01:15:37.080 --> 01:15:41.800
I think it's almost cheaper for me to, yeah, well, it's just to Iowa, so, you know, like

1455
01:15:41.800 --> 01:15:48.920
a 16-hour drive, but probably have to do it two or three times over to get all of this

1456
01:15:48.920 --> 01:15:53.880
stuff over there.

1457
01:15:53.880 --> 01:15:59.000
And then also just a date that wasn't even a planned date that just went really well.

1458
01:15:59.000 --> 01:16:03.440
Like even for like some of the red flags on the date, not even a red flag, just more of

1459
01:16:03.440 --> 01:16:08.760
a yellow flag of like, oh, hey, you know what, she doesn't have very good boundaries or this

1460
01:16:08.760 --> 01:16:10.280
or that.

1461
01:16:10.280 --> 01:16:12.760
Or even the fact that she's from a different country.

1462
01:16:12.760 --> 01:16:20.160
It was just like the following day when I took her to church and then like took her

1463
01:16:20.160 --> 01:16:23.440
out to eat afterward and prayed over the meal.

1464
01:16:23.440 --> 01:16:32.120
I can't tell you the last time I've like openly prayed over a meal because my family's just

1465
01:16:32.120 --> 01:16:33.120
not Christ-centered.

1466
01:16:33.120 --> 01:16:37.040
It's probably the easiest way to say it.

1467
01:16:37.040 --> 01:16:43.240
We grew up Catholic, so, and not Catholic, like spirit-filled Catholics, because I know

1468
01:16:43.240 --> 01:16:48.280
there are spirit-filled Catholics, but like the holiday Catholics, you know, like, oh,

1469
01:16:48.280 --> 01:16:49.280
Christmas time, go to church.

1470
01:16:49.280 --> 01:16:50.280
Oh, Easter time, go to church.

1471
01:16:50.280 --> 01:16:54.760
Christer Catholics is what we call them.

1472
01:16:54.760 --> 01:16:56.920
You call them what, Andy?

1473
01:16:56.920 --> 01:16:59.920
Christer Catholics, Christmas and Easter.

1474
01:16:59.920 --> 01:17:00.920
Christer.

1475
01:17:00.920 --> 01:17:01.920
Oh, Christmas and Easter.

1476
01:17:01.920 --> 01:17:02.920
Oh, okay.

1477
01:17:02.920 --> 01:17:03.920
Man, that's a new one.

1478
01:17:03.920 --> 01:17:05.120
But yeah, it was.

1479
01:17:05.120 --> 01:17:09.200
I want to say, David, based on your testimony earlier about, you know, like when you're

1480
01:17:09.200 --> 01:17:13.440
talking with Sharon Jackie, as far as like the kissing situation that you were trying

1481
01:17:13.440 --> 01:17:19.320
to ask a question about, I kind of felt like that there was a little, even more, a little

1482
01:17:19.320 --> 01:17:24.480
more as far as like, that was like a big deal for you because, you know, like talking about

1483
01:17:24.480 --> 01:17:25.480
your past.

1484
01:17:25.480 --> 01:17:26.480
Yeah.

1485
01:17:26.480 --> 01:17:27.480
Let's put it this way.

1486
01:17:27.480 --> 01:17:30.680
I make Abram look like he's a member of New England Boys Choir.

1487
01:17:30.680 --> 01:17:31.680
I get it.

1488
01:17:31.680 --> 01:17:32.680
No, I get it.

1489
01:17:32.680 --> 01:17:37.920
What I'm saying is I want to acknowledge the fact that I think that was a big breakthrough

1490
01:17:37.920 --> 01:17:38.920
for you.

1491
01:17:38.920 --> 01:17:41.160
Not that you've not done that before.

1492
01:17:41.160 --> 01:17:45.040
I'm just saying that I just want to acknowledge the fact that that was such a like, that was

1493
01:17:45.040 --> 01:17:49.600
such a sort of like game changer for you that I went on at that moment.

1494
01:17:49.600 --> 01:17:55.560
And the fact that that, you know, like a big, you know, yay, David type situation, kudos

1495
01:17:55.560 --> 01:17:59.120
for you for like doing that, because that's pretty powerful.

1496
01:17:59.120 --> 01:18:03.560
That's a quite a contrast, I think, probably than, you know, before.

1497
01:18:03.560 --> 01:18:05.840
So it's pretty awesome.

1498
01:18:05.840 --> 01:18:10.200
It's almost like, and it's not making me think negatively about the past relationships I've

1499
01:18:10.240 --> 01:18:14.520
had or my past life, you know, my past in general.

1500
01:18:14.520 --> 01:18:20.400
But it's more like it's almost like a renewed sense of, wow, every date I'm on, I almost

1501
01:18:20.400 --> 01:18:25.920
feel like I should be spiritually helping someone on that date in some way, shape or

1502
01:18:25.920 --> 01:18:31.760
form or leading them to Christ on that date or keeping them on that Christ centered path.

1503
01:18:31.760 --> 01:18:32.760
Yeah.

1504
01:18:32.760 --> 01:18:33.760
And it's like.

1505
01:18:33.760 --> 01:18:36.880
Yeah, this is it was just it was just a eureka moment, you know.

1506
01:18:36.880 --> 01:18:37.880
Yeah.

1507
01:18:37.880 --> 01:18:41.480
I mean, this is what I'm talking about, like, for instance, the first date thing when I

1508
01:18:41.480 --> 01:18:45.920
was just talking about the earlier, you know, like, yeah, like what if you're on a date

1509
01:18:45.920 --> 01:18:49.920
with somebody, like I said, you know, some of that, you're just not like you're not really

1510
01:18:49.920 --> 01:18:53.120
feeling like you're not attracted to them because, you know, you've been there 20 minutes,

1511
01:18:53.120 --> 01:18:54.120
30 minutes, whatever.

1512
01:18:54.120 --> 01:18:58.720
And you're like, yeah, you know, this person probably isn't something I'm super into.

1513
01:18:58.720 --> 01:19:04.160
But yet you still have this opportunity to, like, show them, be a gentleman, be a person

1514
01:19:04.160 --> 01:19:09.560
of leadership at the same time, show them, show them like what a good guy can be like,

1515
01:19:09.560 --> 01:19:13.800
you know, show them, you know, what that even may be for that person.

1516
01:19:13.800 --> 01:19:15.000
You never know.

1517
01:19:15.000 --> 01:19:19.640
You could be the first person that's ever shown them like a good man.

1518
01:19:19.640 --> 01:19:22.680
That is amazingly powerful.

1519
01:19:22.680 --> 01:19:27.160
Like you've changed that person's life without even leading them to Jesus, so to speak, in

1520
01:19:27.160 --> 01:19:28.160
a prayer.

1521
01:19:28.160 --> 01:19:29.160
Yeah.

1522
01:19:29.160 --> 01:19:32.960
You've shown them that like, oh, my God, I've shown you the heart of the father, you know,

1523
01:19:32.960 --> 01:19:36.840
by just treating you nicely.

1524
01:19:36.840 --> 01:19:41.440
We live in a day and age where it doesn't take much to show the heart of the father,

1525
01:19:41.440 --> 01:19:46.040
to show the heart of God, because we live in such an age of debauchery, an age of just

1526
01:19:46.040 --> 01:19:55.040
cynicism and the age of just, you know, incredulity that, you know, that just being nice and kind

1527
01:19:55.040 --> 01:19:59.120
shows a lot of people that like, wow, there's a kind guy still left in the world.

1528
01:19:59.120 --> 01:20:00.000
You know, it's amazing.

1529
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.800
So be that and do that, I love it.

1530
01:20:03.800 --> 01:20:06.440
By the way, I see Kenton on the call finally.

1531
01:20:06.440 --> 01:20:08.720
Kenton, long story short, went on a date

1532
01:20:08.720 --> 01:20:10.760
with a gal from Toronto.

1533
01:20:10.760 --> 01:20:12.880
So who knows, I might come visit you

1534
01:20:12.880 --> 01:20:15.760
on my way to say hey to her.

1535
01:20:15.760 --> 01:20:17.960
Hey, that'll be good, I look forward to it.

1536
01:20:17.960 --> 01:20:19.920
Yeah, I'll wait for summertime though.

1537
01:20:21.800 --> 01:20:24.340
Another summer guy, come on, hey.

1538
01:20:25.340 --> 01:20:26.820
Nevada.

1539
01:20:26.820 --> 01:20:30.580
I just met a guy who has 70 acres up in Canada

1540
01:20:30.580 --> 01:20:34.420
and dang it, I can't remember the name of the area.

1541
01:20:34.420 --> 01:20:36.180
He's BC.

1542
01:20:36.180 --> 01:20:37.580
Was it the North Pole?

1543
01:20:37.580 --> 01:20:38.420
What's that?

1544
01:20:38.420 --> 01:20:40.140
Was it the North Pole?

1545
01:20:40.140 --> 01:20:41.460
Could have been.

1546
01:20:41.460 --> 01:20:43.380
But he has a lot of land up there.

1547
01:20:43.380 --> 01:20:44.940
And I'm like, bro, what do you do up there?

1548
01:20:44.940 --> 01:20:47.060
And he goes, well, we like go out

1549
01:20:47.060 --> 01:20:49.220
and go on the land and stuff and do things

1550
01:20:49.220 --> 01:20:51.460
and you know, take care of it and tend it

1551
01:20:51.460 --> 01:20:53.700
and you don't see a lot of people.

1552
01:20:53.700 --> 01:20:55.780
And I'm like, that's gotta be crazy.

1553
01:20:55.780 --> 01:20:57.780
He says, yeah, but you could come up there and visit.

1554
01:20:57.780 --> 01:20:59.180
And I was just like, wow.

1555
01:20:59.180 --> 01:21:00.300
I said, I'll wait for the summertime.

1556
01:21:00.300 --> 01:21:01.500
I said the same thing you said, David.

1557
01:21:01.500 --> 01:21:02.620
I said, yeah, I'll wait till summertime

1558
01:21:02.620 --> 01:21:04.020
when it's warmer to come up there.

1559
01:21:04.020 --> 01:21:06.540
I will say I had a cousin in the UP

1560
01:21:06.540 --> 01:21:09.140
and he says when it snows and it's like 15 feet

1561
01:21:09.140 --> 01:21:12.500
of snow deep up there, he like pours a whole bunch

1562
01:21:12.500 --> 01:21:15.540
of gasoline just to like clear out like a whole acre

1563
01:21:15.540 --> 01:21:17.700
of land at a time and just lights a match.

1564
01:21:17.700 --> 01:21:18.940
I'm like, isn't that illegal?

1565
01:21:18.940 --> 01:21:20.180
Like, what if you burn the other trees?

1566
01:21:20.180 --> 01:21:22.620
And he's like, if it burns, it deserves to burn.

1567
01:21:22.620 --> 01:21:26.420
I'm like, I kinda wanna be there for that.

1568
01:21:26.420 --> 01:21:27.940
That sounds so cool.

1569
01:21:27.940 --> 01:21:28.860
Yeah, it does.

1570
01:21:29.940 --> 01:21:30.940
That's awesome.

1571
01:21:32.060 --> 01:21:33.220
Well, guys, anything else?

1572
01:21:33.220 --> 01:21:34.500
Any other questions?

1573
01:21:36.500 --> 01:21:37.700
Not really a question,

1574
01:21:37.700 --> 01:21:41.380
but I just wanna request prayer from you guys.

1575
01:21:41.380 --> 01:21:43.100
Like there's been a couple of things

1576
01:21:43.100 --> 01:21:44.820
that have happened this weekend to me.

1577
01:21:44.820 --> 01:21:47.060
And yeah, after we get off this call,

1578
01:21:47.060 --> 01:21:49.460
I'm gonna like spend some time with God

1579
01:21:49.460 --> 01:21:51.420
to really process through some things.

1580
01:21:51.420 --> 01:21:54.700
But, you know, I know it's been said

1581
01:21:54.700 --> 01:21:56.260
like anger is kind of a secondary emotion.

1582
01:21:56.260 --> 01:21:58.780
So like for me, it's just a lot of like feeling helpless

1583
01:21:58.780 --> 01:22:01.260
and frustrated with some things that are going on

1584
01:22:01.260 --> 01:22:03.980
and not even necessarily like emotional things.

1585
01:22:03.980 --> 01:22:06.300
You know, it's like some of it's like dealing

1586
01:22:06.300 --> 01:22:10.340
with a broken AC unit downstairs

1587
01:22:10.340 --> 01:22:13.940
and service companies not like,

1588
01:22:13.940 --> 01:22:15.940
I was supposed to have service done today

1589
01:22:15.940 --> 01:22:19.260
and ended up wasting the whole day waiting around for it.

1590
01:22:19.260 --> 01:22:21.660
So just a lot of things of like, I'm waiting,

1591
01:22:21.660 --> 01:22:22.860
I'm frustrated, I'm helpless,

1592
01:22:22.860 --> 01:22:25.580
I can't do anything about it, out of control.

1593
01:22:25.580 --> 01:22:28.820
And so it's like, you know, the frustration,

1594
01:22:28.820 --> 01:22:33.620
the rage is starting to build and hasn't been healthy.

1595
01:22:33.620 --> 01:22:36.220
And, you know, it's that tension of like,

1596
01:22:36.220 --> 01:22:38.380
I know what the righteous thing to do is,

1597
01:22:38.380 --> 01:22:42.860
but you know, my flesh is like, I wanna break something.

1598
01:22:42.860 --> 01:22:44.420
Yeah, yeah.

1599
01:22:44.420 --> 01:22:45.780
No, I feel you.

1600
01:22:45.780 --> 01:22:46.620
You know,

1601
01:22:49.460 --> 01:22:50.900
yeah, we're definitely gonna pray for you.

1602
01:22:50.900 --> 01:22:52.460
And yeah, when things don't go right, man,

1603
01:22:52.460 --> 01:22:54.660
it's just, it sucks.

1604
01:22:54.660 --> 01:22:56.620
It not only sucks, but it's super frustrating.

1605
01:22:56.620 --> 01:22:58.140
It pisses you off because you're just like,

1606
01:22:58.140 --> 01:22:59.700
I'm getting behind, I'm losing time,

1607
01:22:59.700 --> 01:23:01.460
I'm wasting my, you know,

1608
01:23:01.460 --> 01:23:03.220
I took off for this or whatever it is.

1609
01:23:03.220 --> 01:23:05.740
And yeah, it's just can be super frustrating.

1610
01:23:07.780 --> 01:23:12.220
One of the things that Tony Robbins said this weekend,

1611
01:23:12.220 --> 01:23:14.020
and again, there wasn't a Tony Robbins event.

1612
01:23:14.020 --> 01:23:16.300
He just happened to be on the speakers at a event

1613
01:23:16.300 --> 01:23:18.620
with a whole bunch of other speakers.

1614
01:23:18.660 --> 01:23:22.260
It's like a business development conference.

1615
01:23:22.260 --> 01:23:27.260
And he was talking about when you wanna change

1616
01:23:29.060 --> 01:23:30.940
things in your life.

1617
01:23:30.940 --> 01:23:33.820
You can't, I'm not gonna say it the way he said it

1618
01:23:33.820 --> 01:23:37.540
because, you know, he's an incredible speaker.

1619
01:23:37.540 --> 01:23:41.260
But he said, the only thing you can really change

1620
01:23:41.260 --> 01:23:42.300
is your state.

1621
01:23:43.740 --> 01:23:46.540
Like you can't, you change your state.

1622
01:23:46.540 --> 01:23:50.180
This is kind of like what we in the Christian community

1623
01:23:50.180 --> 01:23:52.380
talk about like spending time with Lord,

1624
01:23:52.380 --> 01:23:55.180
getting in his presence, changing our state.

1625
01:23:55.180 --> 01:23:59.340
But even that can be sort of a religious architect,

1626
01:23:59.340 --> 01:24:04.340
architecture that is heavy and it can be like,

1627
01:24:05.940 --> 01:24:10.940
it can be a little bit, what's the word for it?

1628
01:24:12.020 --> 01:24:14.500
You can feel like you're not still doing it right.

1629
01:24:14.500 --> 01:24:16.060
Does that make sense?

1630
01:24:16.580 --> 01:24:17.860
Like people say, oh, all you need to do

1631
01:24:17.860 --> 01:24:19.460
is just spend time with God.

1632
01:24:19.460 --> 01:24:20.300
I'm like, that's cool.

1633
01:24:20.300 --> 01:24:22.460
But then if like, then you go into that,

1634
01:24:22.460 --> 01:24:23.860
you're like, well, I'm not doing it right.

1635
01:24:23.860 --> 01:24:26.140
Or God's not hearing me or like, I'm not good enough

1636
01:24:26.140 --> 01:24:27.660
or whatever, then there's a whole bunch of other things

1637
01:24:27.660 --> 01:24:30.860
that's like, but it's the same thing.

1638
01:24:30.860 --> 01:24:35.580
It's like changing your state and your state

1639
01:24:35.580 --> 01:24:39.900
is where you find the energy and the capacity

1640
01:24:39.900 --> 01:24:44.900
and the drive to make the good decisions,

1641
01:24:44.900 --> 01:24:49.900
the better decisions, you have the encouragement,

1642
01:24:51.460 --> 01:24:55.300
you find the energy to make the change that's necessary

1643
01:24:55.300 --> 01:24:58.740
rather than you trying to do it.

1644
01:24:58.740 --> 01:24:59.940
Like if it's like, oh,

1645
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.200
shouldn't be this or I should be that or I should you know like the shoulds and then so it's all up

1646
01:25:05.200 --> 01:25:14.880
to you by yourself alone to figure that out and you got to do it that sucks because that never

1647
01:25:14.880 --> 01:25:22.400
works that's just sheer you making it happen some people can do that but they can't do that with

1648
01:25:22.400 --> 01:25:27.600
every dimension of their life so some people are good at this but terrible at that right somebody

1649
01:25:27.600 --> 01:25:31.360
are really good at working out and doing great with physical things and they're an athlete and

1650
01:25:31.360 --> 01:25:35.040
they're incredible and they're like oh this is incredible but they suck at relationships

1651
01:25:36.000 --> 01:25:40.160
you know that type of thing so good for you that you can make that happen you're

1652
01:25:40.160 --> 01:25:47.760
super disciplined but you're not disciplined over here it's the state of mind so if you can work on

1653
01:25:47.760 --> 01:25:53.680
really controlling your state even the point where just like I sit at my desk and I work all the time

1654
01:25:53.680 --> 01:25:59.200
and so I don't have enough energy you know when you get up and you like move around your energy

1655
01:25:59.200 --> 01:26:03.760
doesn't come from like what you put in your body your energy comes from the movement and the

1656
01:26:03.760 --> 01:26:08.640
activities you do right that's a simple exercise that people do when they're like static in that

1657
01:26:08.640 --> 01:26:14.640
way so it's all about changing your state is it music that changes your state is it you know what

1658
01:26:14.640 --> 01:26:18.720
is it that changes is it going outside getting fresh air being in nature this changes your state

1659
01:26:18.720 --> 01:26:27.200
like what changes your state put yourself in a state of mind that then you can get input that

1660
01:26:27.200 --> 01:26:31.680
then you can get clarity that then you can get like peace that then you can get like

1661
01:26:32.240 --> 01:26:38.000
change your emotion you know I'm saying so it's like if you have to change your environment if

1662
01:26:38.000 --> 01:26:41.280
you have to change the lighting in your house if you have to change like whatever it is that

1663
01:26:41.280 --> 01:26:49.120
you can help to change your state that's super powerful and it's the same thing as what we talk

1664
01:26:49.120 --> 01:26:55.760
about you know being in the presence being in some sort of like meditative you know meditation

1665
01:26:55.760 --> 01:27:01.760
is not like you know clearing your mind meditation is like especially meditating on the word of God

1666
01:27:02.400 --> 01:27:10.160
that's just like putting yourself in a place in a state if you will to where you can hear we

1667
01:27:10.160 --> 01:27:15.760
can get input we can get clarity right so changing your state so whatever is necessary to do that

1668
01:27:16.560 --> 01:27:23.040
get good at doing that rather than trying to change yourself trying to not be so angry trying to be

1669
01:27:23.040 --> 01:27:28.720
like doing the right thing like you can't change yourself but you can work on your environment you

1670
01:27:28.720 --> 01:27:34.480
can work on your state of mind and there's a lot of things you can do in order to jump start that

1671
01:27:35.200 --> 01:27:40.800
again music exercise nature whatever it is that's your thing whatever that you know like

1672
01:27:41.600 --> 01:27:47.440
empowers you speaks strongly to you sometimes mowing the lawn for me I don't have a lawn to

1673
01:27:47.440 --> 01:27:52.320
mow anymore but uh because I have like two acres of like wilderness but mowing the lawn for me was

1674
01:27:52.320 --> 01:27:58.160
such a um a therapeutic thing why because I'm just out there mowing the lawn going back and forth

1675
01:27:58.160 --> 01:28:03.360
back and forth mindlessly was getting something accomplished but my mind was just I have to do

1676
01:28:03.360 --> 01:28:07.120
this and I can't really think about it because it's mowing the lawn for crying out loud but it

1677
01:28:07.120 --> 01:28:12.000
gave me time to think about a lot of other things and so it really helped to sort of get clarity for

1678
01:28:12.000 --> 01:28:16.160
me so sometimes it's a mindless activity that's why people do hobbies and stuff like that it's

1679
01:28:16.160 --> 01:28:20.240
because it's just a mindless activity that gives an opportunity just to think through some things

1680
01:28:20.240 --> 01:28:24.960
and all of a sudden man I just feel differently I'm not so angry anymore I'm not so upset I'm like

1681
01:28:24.960 --> 01:28:30.880
yeah okay I'm just gonna let the thing go you know so work on work on changing your state

1682
01:28:31.600 --> 01:28:35.120
um I know that sounds simple though that sounds like yeah whatever but

1683
01:28:36.160 --> 01:28:41.120
it'd be no but I mean I think even the scriptures tell us like the the only thing that we should

1684
01:28:41.120 --> 01:28:48.720
really be striving for is to enter God's rest yeah and again that's a state but like what gets

1685
01:28:48.720 --> 01:28:53.760
you there can be different for many different people you know like what's up start that for

1686
01:28:53.760 --> 01:28:59.440
you you know because so many people connect with God in so many different ways and the reason I

1687
01:29:00.080 --> 01:29:05.360
and the reason I didn't put a religious context in that is because in religion like for me like

1688
01:29:05.360 --> 01:29:14.640
growing up like you know it was sort of more of a heavy put on to you like you're not you know

1689
01:29:14.640 --> 01:29:22.720
you're not spending enough time with God that was a rebuke and a reproach that became a burden to me

1690
01:29:22.720 --> 01:29:27.440
and then it became difficult to access the presence of God because I was like because I

1691
01:29:27.440 --> 01:29:33.440
needed to do a certain thing and I did a certain way and I just did a certain time element they

1692
01:29:33.440 --> 01:29:38.240
feel like I didn't have the time you know I'm saying then it became a religious structure

1693
01:29:38.240 --> 01:29:43.520
became a burden to me rather than freedom that's what I'm trying to say so I don't know if that

1694
01:29:43.520 --> 01:29:53.040
helps anybody here but but yes we will pray and we will uh we will believe with you so father

1695
01:29:53.040 --> 01:29:59.840
God we just we just reach our hands out to Zach in the name of Jesus we thank you.

1696
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:01.420
I think it's so awesome that Zach's like,

1697
01:30:01.420 --> 01:30:03.260
hey, I just need prayer.

1698
01:30:03.260 --> 01:30:05.780
And I'm gonna go to the guys that I've been hanging with

1699
01:30:05.780 --> 01:30:08.460
and trust and just receive.

1700
01:30:08.460 --> 01:30:09.700
I just pray right now, Lord,

1701
01:30:09.700 --> 01:30:13.900
that whatever it is that is in the way,

1702
01:30:13.900 --> 01:30:17.780
whatever, even the root of this anger, this bitterness,

1703
01:30:17.780 --> 01:30:21.220
whatever it might be, they can just be revealed.

1704
01:30:21.220 --> 01:30:23.500
Holy Spirit, reveal this to Zach

1705
01:30:23.500 --> 01:30:26.860
in a way that he can see and hear and understand and knows.

1706
01:30:27.860 --> 01:30:31.560
And let it just be, give him an opportunity

1707
01:30:31.560 --> 01:30:35.320
to deal with that, address that, look at that,

1708
01:30:35.320 --> 01:30:38.680
and put something out of him

1709
01:30:38.680 --> 01:30:40.040
that doesn't need to be there anymore

1710
01:30:40.040 --> 01:30:45.040
or receive an element of grace and peace that he needs.

1711
01:30:45.440 --> 01:30:49.840
Whatever it is, just lead him in that way.

1712
01:30:49.840 --> 01:30:52.840
And we just thank you right now, Lord, for your presence.

1713
01:30:52.840 --> 01:30:54.720
We thank you for favor.

1714
01:30:54.780 --> 01:30:56.660
Because sometimes it's a matter of just like,

1715
01:30:56.660 --> 01:30:58.700
you know what, I don't have to put up with this.

1716
01:30:58.700 --> 01:31:02.100
I have favor and I can receive favor of the Lord.

1717
01:31:02.100 --> 01:31:03.540
And I just ask that you have me have favor

1718
01:31:03.540 --> 01:31:07.140
with this service person or favor with this problem.

1719
01:31:07.140 --> 01:31:09.120
So sometimes it's just that.

1720
01:31:09.120 --> 01:31:11.300
We need to see your goodness.

1721
01:31:11.300 --> 01:31:14.840
So Father God, we just ask for these things in your name.

1722
01:31:14.840 --> 01:31:17.700
We lift up our brother Zach,

1723
01:31:17.700 --> 01:31:20.620
who's confessing in this moment

1724
01:31:20.620 --> 01:31:24.340
and wants to just, wants to turn a different direction

1725
01:31:24.880 --> 01:31:27.760
and wants this to turn out differently.

1726
01:31:27.760 --> 01:31:29.580
Not the way it's always turned out before,

1727
01:31:29.580 --> 01:31:30.520
but to have it differently

1728
01:31:30.520 --> 01:31:32.460
and give him some breakthrough in it.

1729
01:31:33.480 --> 01:31:37.780
In Jesus name we pray, amen and amen.

1730
01:31:40.680 --> 01:31:41.520
Good, good.

1731
01:31:42.440 --> 01:31:44.400
I feel like that's one of those things where Zach,

1732
01:31:44.400 --> 01:31:46.120
like you're saying, basically you're like,

1733
01:31:46.120 --> 01:31:47.520
you're calling it out.

1734
01:31:47.520 --> 01:31:50.820
You're like, normally I would feel this way about it

1735
01:31:50.820 --> 01:31:53.620
because I can feel the tension rising, right?

1736
01:31:53.640 --> 01:31:55.560
And you're like, so normally it would be like,

1737
01:31:55.560 --> 01:31:58.000
this is a pattern, like this, like these things happen

1738
01:31:58.000 --> 01:31:59.920
and I get frustrated and all of a sudden, whatever.

1739
01:31:59.920 --> 01:32:00.920
And then something happens

1740
01:32:00.920 --> 01:32:02.760
and then a line is crossed or whatever for you.

1741
01:32:02.760 --> 01:32:04.520
And you're like, I don't want that to happen.

1742
01:32:04.520 --> 01:32:05.960
I'm seeing that happen.

1743
01:32:05.960 --> 01:32:07.520
I don't want that to be the thing.

1744
01:32:07.520 --> 01:32:08.600
I've been working on this.

1745
01:32:08.600 --> 01:32:10.440
The Lord's been dealing with me about this.

1746
01:32:10.440 --> 01:32:11.280
I don't want that.

1747
01:32:11.280 --> 01:32:13.040
Let's break that cycle, whatever that is.

1748
01:32:13.040 --> 01:32:16.400
So this is an opportunity for a pattern to break

1749
01:32:16.400 --> 01:32:20.280
and like a new, something new to like transition for you.

1750
01:32:20.280 --> 01:32:23.160
So this is an opportunity.

1751
01:32:23.180 --> 01:32:25.340
Yeah, I would say like there's a couple of things going on.

1752
01:32:25.340 --> 01:32:28.140
Like one, I've had all day to kind of dwell

1753
01:32:28.140 --> 01:32:33.140
on these emotions and it wasn't really until like,

1754
01:32:34.260 --> 01:32:37.860
maybe three hours ago when I finally realized

1755
01:32:37.860 --> 01:32:39.620
service people aren't coming through

1756
01:32:39.620 --> 01:32:41.580
and I can actually start doing some of the things

1757
01:32:41.580 --> 01:32:42.980
that I need to do,

1758
01:32:42.980 --> 01:32:44.820
that I'm actually able to start processing

1759
01:32:44.820 --> 01:32:47.820
through some things, but also just that same thing

1760
01:32:47.820 --> 01:32:52.340
of like noticing some of those triggers

1761
01:32:52.360 --> 01:32:54.120
and like even what Jackie was talking about earlier

1762
01:32:54.120 --> 01:32:57.440
is like, okay, like using some of the hard work tools,

1763
01:32:57.440 --> 01:32:58.880
you know, it was really kind of challenged.

1764
01:32:58.880 --> 01:33:02.180
Like, all right, let me, like once this call is wrapped up,

1765
01:33:02.180 --> 01:33:05.240
okay, let me really start and spend some time,

1766
01:33:05.240 --> 01:33:07.440
you know, deeply processing this with the Lord.

1767
01:33:07.440 --> 01:33:10.360
Like, you know, what's the emotion that's coming up?

1768
01:33:10.360 --> 01:33:13.200
What's it linking back to?

1769
01:33:13.200 --> 01:33:15.240
And you know, how can I, you know,

1770
01:33:15.240 --> 01:33:17.320
progress and move forward from here?

1771
01:33:17.320 --> 01:33:18.220
That's awesome.

1772
01:33:19.280 --> 01:33:20.320
That's so good.

1773
01:33:20.320 --> 01:33:21.760
That's so good.

1774
01:33:21.780 --> 01:33:23.140
Yeah, let us know what you,

1775
01:33:23.140 --> 01:33:25.700
let us know what you find out next week, man.

1776
01:33:25.700 --> 01:33:26.740
Let us know what you find out

1777
01:33:26.740 --> 01:33:29.820
or put it in the chat on the app

1778
01:33:29.820 --> 01:33:32.940
and yeah, give us some feedback.

1779
01:33:32.940 --> 01:33:33.940
We wanna know.

1780
01:33:35.500 --> 01:33:36.340
Amen.

1781
01:33:37.420 --> 01:33:40.740
All right, guys, if nothing else,

1782
01:33:40.740 --> 01:33:41.820
God bless you guys.

1783
01:33:41.820 --> 01:33:42.940
Have a great, great night.

1784
01:33:42.940 --> 01:33:44.140
Have a great week.

1785
01:33:44.140 --> 01:33:48.820
And this was recorded, so it'll be posted up again

1786
01:33:48.820 --> 01:33:50.980
and we'll be able to rehash it all.

1787
01:33:52.660 --> 01:33:53.500
See y'all later.

1788
01:33:53.500 --> 01:33:54.820
God bless.

1789
01:33:54.820 --> 01:33:55.720
God bless, David.

1790
01:33:57.020 --> 01:33:58.060
God bless, everyone.