WEBVTT

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All right. It is one o'clock Eastern time. This is what is today? March 18th. March 18th.

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This is your phase two live heart check in call. I am Carla Johnson. I'm one of your

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coaches here in phase two. I'm always so excited to be here. So those of you ladies that are

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either watching in replay or on live with me and have no idea who I am because maybe

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you're new or haven't come to one of my calls before. I am one of your coaches and I have

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been with Jackie since pretty much the beginning of last year's single and it's just been such

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an honor and a privilege. So I've been, I've walked this journey that y'all are on right

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now myself. So I have a lot of wisdom that I carry to help pour back into you ladies

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because I've been there. And then I was in the program a little over a year and then

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that's when I met my now husband. So we've been married a little over a year and a half

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now. And so I get to experience it all. I get to, I've been in this program and now

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I'm on the other side of it. So I, it's such an honor for me to be able to kind of pour

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that back into you ladies and just know that I can partner with you. I can honestly just

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again, I can, I can value where you're at right now because I've been there myself.

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So I hope you ladies always hear my heart when I'm on these calls and that I just honestly,

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it's truly a blessing to be able to come here and walk you ladies through this. And it's

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just such a great honor to be able to see all the growth and the breakthrough that y'all

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have which is just really, really rewarding. And it's just such a great way for me to be

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able to pour back into this community what I got out of it in return. So that's a little

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bit about me. Is there anybody that is on this call right now that's brand new to phase

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two? Go ahead and raise your hand or that avatar hand. If you're not on video, please

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do me a favor and go ahead and put your camera on. There's no shame in like not having makeup

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on or your hair's not done or you're still in pajamas or you're like driving in the car.

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It's totally fine. Like it's just us ladies here. Okay. There was a many times when I

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came in with like hot mess express. So I totally get it. So there's no shame. All right. There's

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no shame in our game here. Okay ladies. So Ashley, welcome to phase two or you're not

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new to phase two, but this is your first live call. Awesome. Well, I'm so happy that you can

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make it live. I think the most like the most breakthrough happens when you can come and

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engage on these live calls. Like I love the replays. They're super valuable, but there's

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just something about being able to interact with me as a coach or with the other ladies

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in the program, whether it's through chat or whether or not you're answering or asking a

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question, not answering. I'm the one answering questions, but you're asking a question. So I,

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I'm so happy that you could be here. Okay, Melissa. Cool. Just make what you can. And

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then if you have to jump off, know that this is in replay and you can always take it back

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up. Is it Charis or Karis? I don't, I don't want to butcher your name. I'm really bad

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at butchering names and I apologize. So you are new, new to phase two and the first time

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here. Awesome. Welcome. Okay. Totally get not being able to turn on your camera. I know some

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of you are at work and that's why you can't. I know that this, this time is, can be a little

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challenging, but if you can turn your cameras on, please do. You can't get your camera to work

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through the app. Okay. Gotcha. Working. Okay. Perfect. Awesome. Fantastic. All right. Well,

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ladies again, welcome. I'm so happy to have you all here. For those of you that have been here

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for a little bit, you know that we're going to do some things. We're changing things up on these

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calls. We're going to really try to a lot more time answering all y'all's questions. So I'm just

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going to go over a quick few housekeeping things, especially for the women that are going to watch

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this in replay. And then I'm just going to touch on a couple things that I saw in the app, whether

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it's through people's questions, whether it was through the roll call that I think will be

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valuable for the entire group. And then I'm going to open things up for questions. Okay. And

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remember, like, there's no like silly question. Like be be like, just I want to be very

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transparent. Like don't not ask your question because you think it's silly.

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Because oftentimes, your question is going to help someone else get breakthrough,

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or it's a question that someone else was wanting answered as well.

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That's how it typically works in this group.

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There's always something like, oh my goodness,

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I'm so glad you asked that question.

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Just a few housekeeping items.

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Again, ladies, make sure that you're checking out that replay tab,

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as well as the courses tab.

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That's where you're going to find the videos that you're going to want to watch in your week.

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The courses is where you're going to find your five training videos,

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which if you've been in here for a little bit,

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you should know where those are at by now.

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That's where you're watching one video a week.

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We don't want you rushing through those videos.

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Go through one a week,

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process through what Holy Spirit is highlighting to you in that video for that week,

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and then come and share your takeaways,

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your ahas, what you're learning,

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what did God highlight to you?

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Share that with the community and the group.

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Then your replays,

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that's where you're going to have our live calls.

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This Tuesday live call will be in replay.

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Supernatural Saturday is in replay.

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There's one Sunday night call that gets put into replay.

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I think it's the last Sunday of the month.

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Then any other special sessions that we have.

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Last Tuesday, we had a special session for you ladies to come in and get

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a sneak peek of a love seat with Jackie that will

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happen once a month in phase 3 when you get over there.

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That replay is up and in your catalog now.

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That's under the replays tab.

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Love story is very similar to what we do here,

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where someone jumps in the love seat,

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they press what their dating situation is,

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and then they get some insight from Jackie.

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We do that here in phase 2,

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but know that that happens in phase 3 with Jackie once a month as well.

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Then when you get to phase 3,

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you'll have opportunities.

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If you want to jump in the love seat,

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then again, you would just notify.

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There's typically a posting,

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hey, does anybody want to jump in the love seat?

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Then the team selects and picks people to do that.

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But like I said, it's very similar to what Ebony and I do

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with you ladies on these Tuesday calls.

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If you can't make a live and you watch the replay,

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make sure you're coming in the app and sharing what insights that stuck out to you.

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I also want to preface that Jackie has noticed that there are

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people that have been rushing through phase 1 and phase 2 of the program.

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We really don't want you rushing through and just checking things off like it's a checklist.

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Next, really spend time processing this stuff week by week.

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If there's no gold medal at the end like,

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yeah, look, I finished my stuff.

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Really spend time processing through that.

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With that being said,

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here in phase 2,

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you're going to spend at least a minimum of four to five weeks.

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This is especially for all my newbies.

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You're going to spend at least four to five weeks in

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phase 2 because you're watching one video a week and there's five videos.

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Then you're coming to live calls and you're participating in the app.

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Once you've done that and you've completed that,

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you've come to lives, watched replays,

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you're engaging in the group,

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that's when you will send an e-mail to admin at

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JackieDorman.com requesting to shift over to phase 3.

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Not everybody rushes over to phase 3, that's totally fine.

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Like I said, five weeks minimum.

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Some people like to sit and stay in phase 3 for just a little bit once they've gotten

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through some of that coursework to be able

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to process through some of their dating situation.

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Now, with that being said,

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there are some of you that it's going to be time to shift over to phase 3.

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I don't think I see anybody on here particularly.

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But there are a few people,

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so if you're watching and you're looking at Melissa.

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Yes, Melissa, actually, if you've been in phase 2 for about three months,

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I would say if you came in phase 2 in January or before,

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like in 2024, you've watched the content,

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you've spent some time processing through dating,

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let's really start shifting over to phase 3.

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Again, you would just send an e-mail to admin at

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JackieDorman.com and request to move to phase 3.

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I would say, for all you new ladies,

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try to shift over to phase three after about no more than three months. Okay. I know it's sad.

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I get really weepy and sad when you ladies shift over to phase three, but I know it's really

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help keep that momentum forward. We want you ladies to keep that forward momentum in this

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group as well as in your dating experiences and such. Okay. So it's really, really important.

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All right. If you're feeling a little hesitant about moving to phase three,

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share it with me. Okay. Or share it with Ebony. Let's talk through, let's help you process

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what's wanting to keep you back in this phase. Okay. Especially if you've been here for three

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months or more. Okay. Let's help you, you know, get some process. Let's like, like unpack that

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for you. Okay. All right. I think that's it for my housekeeping stuff. Just again,

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make sure that you're muted until it's time for you to ask your questions. If you know,

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you have a question, go ahead and put your avatar hand up so that I see it.

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And then when you ladies do have a question, I really am going to emphasize, let's make those

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questions short, brief and powerful. We don't need the five minute, 10 minute backstory on everything.

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Okay. Just because not that we don't care about that. It's because we really want to make sure

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that we get through as many of these questions as we possibly can. And so we really want to make

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sure that those like ask the question, if I need more details or Ebony, and it's like, if you're

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ever on Ebony's calls, if we need more detail, like we'll ask the questions and we'll help you

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like move that along. Okay. If you have more than one question, ask one question first,

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and then I will come back to you at the end. If there's time for your second or multiple

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questions. Okay. But we want everybody to have an opportunity to ask at least their one question.

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Cool. Awesome. All right. So I've got six, seven hands up. That's awesome. So let's go ahead and

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pray. I'm going to do the activation and then I'm going to just touch on a few things I saw

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in the app this week, and then hopefully that should take no more than 15 minutes and then we'll

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get started on these questions. Okay. So heavenly father, thank you so much for this time together

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today. Lord, I just really appreciate all the wonderful things that you are doing in this,

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in this community. I thank you for Jackie and David. I thank you for each and every one of

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these women that allow themselves to be open and vulnerable and to share their experiences here in

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the community. Lord, I thank you that you allow these opportunities that other women share to

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help bless and encourage and empower all the sisters here in this community. And Lord, I just

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ask that you just continue to be with us and our time together and that you speak through us and

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that if there's any areas that we need exposed or healed or breakthrough needs to happen, Lord,

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I just ask that you allow that time and opportunity today. In your son's name we pray. Amen.

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Okay. Activation. So we're going to do things a little bit differently with activations. We're

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still going to do those. I know last week was a little wonky because we're just trying out this

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new process of just getting more questions and doing more of a left seat sort of thing with you

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ladies. But me and the team did talk about, we really do think these activations are really,

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really powerful. And so for the next two weeks, I'm going to give you this activation and I want

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you ladies to practice it and then be ready to come to the lives and we're going to talk through

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some of this stuff. So write this down. All right. The activation that I want you ladies really,

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really focusing on this week is spend time making eye contact and smiling at men when you're out

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and about. Okay. Stephanie, I see you. Girl, I see you. I know. So I get some of us might

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get a little uneasy with this, but there's a reason that we're doing this

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is because this is just going to help you build your confidence and to come out of hiding.

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Proverbs 18.22 says, when a man finds a wife, he finds favor with the Lord. When he finds her,

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he can't find her if she's hiding. Okay. This is why we really feel strongly about you ladies even

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coming on camera in here. Come out of hiding. All right. Let people see you. You are beautiful.

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You are wonderfully made in the image of God and it's time to come out of hiding.

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Be seen, all right, a lot of, I worked through this program

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and I had a lot of identity stuff that I had to work through

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before I found my husband or before my husband found me.

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And a lot of it happened because I began to be open

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to being seen and stepping out of my comfort zone,

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making eye contact with men,

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striking up small talk with men,

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not men that I was attracted to or interested in,

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but just in general, asking men for help.

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Ladies, I want you to write that down.

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If the opportunity arises that you need help with something,

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find a man to help you.

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Women that have done this activation, it will unlock things.

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When you ask a man for help, oh my goodness,

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like men light up, men wanna help.

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They wanna provide, they wanna protect, they wanna do.

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And when us women allow men to step

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into that divine masculinity,

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they start, like you'll start coming

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into your divine feminine because they're operating

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in their divine masculine.

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It's really, really awesome to watch and hear the stories

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when ladies do this activation.

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So I really want you ladies focusing on this next week.

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Find time to do that just when you're out and about,

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make the eye contact, smile, say a nice little hello.

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If the opportunity arises for some small talk,

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make some small talk, okay?

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If you're at church and at the little coffee stand

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where you're getting yourself your cup of coffee for church

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and there's a guy and he's just chatting something,

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you know, make some small talk, like, all right?

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So start stepping into this like comfort zone

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of getting to know people.

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Even if you're at the grocery store

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and someone's behind you and, you know,

219
00:16:56.260 --> 00:16:57.500
make small talk with them.

220
00:16:57.500 --> 00:17:00.160
If you can't reach something on a shelf, you know,

221
00:17:00.160 --> 00:17:03.660
ask them, hey, do you mind grabbing that can of whatever?

222
00:17:03.660 --> 00:17:05.339
Like, I'm, you know, I'm really short

223
00:17:05.339 --> 00:17:07.880
and ladies, I am short, like I'm five three.

224
00:17:08.859 --> 00:17:11.819
So I'm always like, hey, I need help.

225
00:17:11.819 --> 00:17:13.660
And even my husband's a little shorter too.

226
00:17:13.660 --> 00:17:15.800
So sometimes I'm like, babe,

227
00:17:16.819 --> 00:17:20.660
like, we might need someone to help you reach something.

228
00:17:22.339 --> 00:17:26.900
No, but really practice that this week, okay?

229
00:17:26.900 --> 00:17:28.660
Sound good?

230
00:17:28.660 --> 00:17:29.500
All right, I'm gonna go ahead

231
00:17:29.500 --> 00:17:31.180
and look through some of these comments in the chat.

232
00:17:31.180 --> 00:17:33.340
Make sure I don't miss anything.

233
00:17:33.340 --> 00:17:35.060
I'm almost there too, but I haven't finished the videos.

234
00:17:35.060 --> 00:17:37.360
Okay, Jennifer, thank you for letting me know.

235
00:17:37.360 --> 00:17:40.720
Make sure you do get to those videos, okay?

236
00:17:41.740 --> 00:17:43.420
Melissa, you've been here six weeks, perfect.

237
00:17:44.180 --> 00:17:45.020
Okay, I see that now.

238
00:17:45.020 --> 00:17:47.780
So you can hang around for like another week or two,

239
00:17:47.780 --> 00:17:51.240
but yeah, no more than three weeks.

240
00:17:51.240 --> 00:17:55.420
Just in case I don't get to ask, I will join 8 p.m.

241
00:17:55.420 --> 00:17:58.140
Okay, because you have a meeting, awesome, perfect.

242
00:17:58.140 --> 00:18:01.100
I asked my neighbor for help opening a pickle jar.

243
00:18:01.100 --> 00:18:03.860
Yes, yes, Stacy.

244
00:18:04.980 --> 00:18:06.980
Girl, I mean, there's time, my husband's,

245
00:18:06.980 --> 00:18:09.340
when he's at work, I'm like, I can't open something.

246
00:18:09.340 --> 00:18:10.820
And then I have like my kids

247
00:18:10.820 --> 00:18:13.460
and sometimes my kids can't even help me open.

248
00:18:13.460 --> 00:18:15.620
And I'm like, it's frustrating.

249
00:18:15.620 --> 00:18:17.580
I should do that, I need to ask them and my neighbors.

250
00:18:17.580 --> 00:18:19.220
Most of my neighbors are usually home.

251
00:18:19.220 --> 00:18:21.020
Some of them are much older and they're not working.

252
00:18:21.020 --> 00:18:23.740
So awesome, okay, I'm getting off on a tangent.

253
00:18:23.740 --> 00:18:24.580
I don't wanna do that

254
00:18:24.580 --> 00:18:26.380
because I wanna keep the time.

255
00:18:26.380 --> 00:18:29.740
All right, so y'all got the assignment.

256
00:18:29.740 --> 00:18:31.920
And then next week we'll unpack some.

257
00:18:31.920 --> 00:18:35.340
I'll let you guys share your experiences on our live call.

258
00:18:35.340 --> 00:18:38.540
Okay, all right, okay, so I still quit.

259
00:18:38.540 --> 00:18:40.900
Now I've got eight hands up, this is good.

260
00:18:40.900 --> 00:18:42.460
All right, so I'm gonna quickly move through

261
00:18:42.460 --> 00:18:45.460
some of this stuff that I noticed in the app

262
00:18:45.460 --> 00:18:47.140
this weekend on Roll Call.

263
00:18:47.140 --> 00:18:52.100
So just in the chat, just let me know,

264
00:18:52.100 --> 00:18:55.620
how many of you have had guys ask that question

265
00:18:55.620 --> 00:18:58.540
when you're on like dating apps and such,

266
00:18:58.540 --> 00:19:01.020
the question, how or why are you still single?

267
00:19:01.020 --> 00:19:02.980
Just let me know in the chat.

268
00:19:02.980 --> 00:19:06.240
Like, yes, this happens often.

269
00:19:06.240 --> 00:19:09.460
No, haven't had guys ask this.

270
00:19:10.680 --> 00:19:14.760
You can even say no, I'm not even online at the moment.

271
00:19:14.760 --> 00:19:18.000
So Christina, yep, you get that question often.

272
00:19:18.000 --> 00:19:21.920
Yep, Rio, yep, she's getting that question often.

273
00:19:21.920 --> 00:19:25.140
Oh yeah, all the time, sometimes, yep.

274
00:19:25.140 --> 00:19:30.140
Ladies, I cannot stress enough that this just tends to be

275
00:19:30.700 --> 00:19:35.700
that like unspoken like icebreaker question

276
00:19:36.840 --> 00:19:38.640
that people think that they have to ask

277
00:19:38.640 --> 00:19:40.800
because they're trying to make small talk.

278
00:19:40.800 --> 00:19:43.040
And because when you're on a dating site

279
00:19:43.040 --> 00:19:46.000
and you both are single and you don't wanna be single,

280
00:19:46.000 --> 00:19:48.240
like people are like, oh, well, why are you still single?

281
00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:50.720
Okay, so let's really talk about

282
00:19:50.720 --> 00:19:52.000
how you can respond to that.

283
00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:55.520
Okay, I know sometimes, again, people are just like,

284
00:19:55.520 --> 00:19:57.320
oh, I hate that question.

285
00:19:57.320 --> 00:19:59.920
I didn't love it either, it was kind of annoying.

286
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.520
But there's ways to be able to respond to that.

287
00:20:02.520 --> 00:20:06.880
So let's just spend some time, you know, in the chat.

288
00:20:06.880 --> 00:20:11.700
How do some of you ladies respond to that question?

289
00:20:13.680 --> 00:20:15.360
Or if you're like, I get this question

290
00:20:15.360 --> 00:20:18.240
and it makes me angry or it makes me annoyed,

291
00:20:18.240 --> 00:20:20.760
like, let me know.

292
00:20:20.760 --> 00:20:23.480
Let's like, let's unpack this a little bit.

293
00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:27.720
Okay, like Melissa, you're saying that

294
00:20:27.720 --> 00:20:29.680
or what's the catch with you?

295
00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:32.240
I don't know what, what do they mean by that?

296
00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:33.080
What's the catch?

297
00:20:33.080 --> 00:20:35.480
Like, what's the, like, why are you a catch?

298
00:20:35.480 --> 00:20:37.200
Is that what they're asking?

299
00:20:37.200 --> 00:20:39.800
Yeah, more like, you seem amazing and great.

300
00:20:39.800 --> 00:20:41.920
Like, are you a unicorn?

301
00:20:41.920 --> 00:20:44.040
And like, what's really wrong with you?

302
00:20:44.040 --> 00:20:45.640
Like, they're trying to get underneath

303
00:20:45.640 --> 00:20:47.640
what I seem to be on the outside.

304
00:20:47.640 --> 00:20:49.840
In all honesty, like when they ask that,

305
00:20:49.840 --> 00:20:52.240
I think they're just trying to be charming.

306
00:20:52.240 --> 00:20:53.960
Like, I know it's not charming.

307
00:20:55.400 --> 00:20:57.800
Like, it can sometimes be like,

308
00:20:57.800 --> 00:20:59.760
are you saying that like,

309
00:20:59.760 --> 00:21:02.600
there's something wrong with me because I'm single?

310
00:21:02.600 --> 00:21:07.400
I think we just have to kind of just let it kind of like,

311
00:21:07.400 --> 00:21:10.440
what's that like water off a duck's back?

312
00:21:10.440 --> 00:21:12.680
Just let it kind of just roll off

313
00:21:12.680 --> 00:21:15.960
and just know that sometimes these guys just don't get it.

314
00:21:15.960 --> 00:21:18.880
Like, they don't have a program like this

315
00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:21.720
where they're getting coaching oftentimes.

316
00:21:21.720 --> 00:21:24.520
They think that they're just being charming or cute.

317
00:21:24.520 --> 00:21:26.800
So I think if we can kind of walk through

318
00:21:26.800 --> 00:21:29.680
like how to respond to them and just kind of let it,

319
00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:32.200
just give them an answer like,

320
00:21:32.200 --> 00:21:35.800
or just, you know, deflect it in some way

321
00:21:35.800 --> 00:21:39.080
and just start getting that small talk really going.

322
00:21:39.080 --> 00:21:41.480
I do think sometimes they say that

323
00:21:41.480 --> 00:21:42.680
because they just want to say,

324
00:21:42.680 --> 00:21:44.320
oh, wow, you're so amazing.

325
00:21:44.320 --> 00:21:45.800
Like, it's a compliment,

326
00:21:45.800 --> 00:21:47.280
but then they don't realize that sometimes

327
00:21:47.280 --> 00:21:50.520
the way they say it doesn't seem very complimentary, right?

328
00:21:51.800 --> 00:21:52.640
Yeah.

329
00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:54.680
Okay, I see some people like shaking their head.

330
00:21:54.680 --> 00:21:56.720
Okay, you're in agreement.

331
00:21:56.720 --> 00:21:57.560
All right.

332
00:21:57.560 --> 00:22:00.800
Okay, so Rachel, you're not online right now.

333
00:22:00.800 --> 00:22:02.720
Okay, Stacy, you have this in the past.

334
00:22:02.720 --> 00:22:04.760
I have, but I've not been online.

335
00:22:04.760 --> 00:22:06.400
Okay, app in the long time.

336
00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:09.760
Okay, haven't met the man the Lord has for me yet

337
00:22:09.760 --> 00:22:11.200
is typically my response.

338
00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:14.160
And that was kind of like my response too is,

339
00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:16.680
you know what, I just haven't found someone that,

340
00:22:16.680 --> 00:22:19.280
you know, that I feel like is in alignment

341
00:22:19.280 --> 00:22:21.200
with what God has for me.

342
00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:23.240
And so sometimes I would say that.

343
00:22:23.240 --> 00:22:25.320
Sometimes I would be like, I don't know,

344
00:22:25.320 --> 00:22:26.680
I think I'm pretty amazing.

345
00:22:26.680 --> 00:22:30.320
So I'm, you know, I just, you know,

346
00:22:30.320 --> 00:22:33.760
sometimes I would allow my personality to come out of that.

347
00:22:33.760 --> 00:22:35.960
And I'm one of those people that kind of have

348
00:22:35.960 --> 00:22:38.600
like a humorous, like sarcastic

349
00:22:38.600 --> 00:22:40.680
kind of personality at times.

350
00:22:40.680 --> 00:22:42.040
I kind of joke about things.

351
00:22:42.040 --> 00:22:44.880
I don't take things super, super seriously.

352
00:22:44.880 --> 00:22:48.040
So I just, again, I just try to be light hearted,

353
00:22:48.040 --> 00:22:50.240
especially when I was getting to know people,

354
00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:52.480
I was trying to just be light and fun.

355
00:22:52.520 --> 00:22:54.440
And so sometimes that would be like,

356
00:22:54.440 --> 00:22:57.400
I would like make a comment.

357
00:22:57.400 --> 00:23:00.000
And then what I would do is I turn it back on them.

358
00:23:01.480 --> 00:23:04.160
Be like, you know, I just haven't met the person

359
00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:06.320
the Lord has for me yet, you know,

360
00:23:06.320 --> 00:23:10.360
and I'm, you know, why do you think that you're not,

361
00:23:10.360 --> 00:23:12.400
you know, in a relationship right now?

362
00:23:12.400 --> 00:23:15.400
Like, I kind of sometimes will flip it back on them.

363
00:23:18.000 --> 00:23:19.640
So, okay, so that was that one.

364
00:23:19.640 --> 00:23:22.240
One time I just said, I wish I knew.

365
00:23:22.880 --> 00:23:23.720
Exactly, I would say the same thing.

366
00:23:23.720 --> 00:23:26.640
Like, if I knew I'd be able to tell you,

367
00:23:26.640 --> 00:23:28.600
why are you still single?

368
00:23:28.600 --> 00:23:32.360
Like, turn it back on them, ask them the same question.

369
00:23:32.360 --> 00:23:35.600
Like, you know, just have fun with it.

370
00:23:36.640 --> 00:23:38.640
Just haven't found the right person yet.

371
00:23:39.600 --> 00:23:41.080
Okay, so you have, Caitlin,

372
00:23:41.080 --> 00:23:43.280
you have family members that ask you that.

373
00:23:44.920 --> 00:23:45.960
That's interesting.

374
00:23:45.960 --> 00:23:47.280
Yeah.

375
00:23:47.280 --> 00:23:49.880
Yeah, how does that, when that happens,

376
00:23:49.880 --> 00:23:52.080
like, how do you respond to that?

377
00:23:52.920 --> 00:23:55.360
Well, I'll say, and I usually take it in,

378
00:23:55.360 --> 00:23:57.000
I try to take it as a compliment,

379
00:23:57.000 --> 00:23:59.080
because it's like, you're so great,

380
00:23:59.080 --> 00:24:01.000
why are you still single?

381
00:24:02.400 --> 00:24:05.600
But it just taps into my, like, yeah,

382
00:24:05.600 --> 00:24:08.680
I say it like, why, I wish I knew.

383
00:24:08.680 --> 00:24:10.880
And I'll usually just say, like,

384
00:24:12.360 --> 00:24:13.920
I just haven't met my person yet.

385
00:24:13.920 --> 00:24:16.800
But it gets hard saying that year after year.

386
00:24:16.800 --> 00:24:18.480
Yeah, absolutely.

387
00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:20.280
Or something like, you know,

388
00:24:20.280 --> 00:24:23.200
and if your family's asking, I'd be like,

389
00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:26.000
you know, I think that God's just got someone

390
00:24:26.000 --> 00:24:28.200
pretty spectacular,

391
00:24:28.200 --> 00:24:31.880
and that God's just preparing that person for me.

392
00:24:32.800 --> 00:24:36.080
So be praying for my husband.

393
00:24:36.080 --> 00:24:38.720
Or if you know a single person, by all means,

394
00:24:38.720 --> 00:24:41.000
send them my way, auntie.

395
00:24:41.000 --> 00:24:43.080
Send them my way, cousin.

396
00:24:43.080 --> 00:24:46.680
Like, whoever it is that's like, hey, you're right.

397
00:24:46.680 --> 00:24:48.800
You think I'm pretty awesome?

398
00:24:48.800 --> 00:24:51.160
You know any single Jesus-loving men?

399
00:24:51.160 --> 00:24:52.120
Send them my way.

400
00:24:52.120 --> 00:24:54.000
You got my contact information.

401
00:24:54.000 --> 00:24:55.960
You know who my mama is.

402
00:24:55.960 --> 00:24:56.800
Right.

403
00:24:56.800 --> 00:24:59.240
Like, turn it around that way.

404
00:24:59.240 --> 00:25:00.080
Yeah.

405
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.320
So, okay, these are all good responses, ladies.

406
00:25:03.320 --> 00:25:06.840
Read through those for sure.

407
00:25:06.840 --> 00:25:09.500
Get some ideas, because I know that comes up.

408
00:25:10.840 --> 00:25:13.440
Christina, your seven-year-old nephew has asked you that.

409
00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:14.600
I love that.

410
00:25:16.260 --> 00:25:17.140
I get it, I know.

411
00:25:17.140 --> 00:25:19.720
It seems like, you know, what?

412
00:25:20.960 --> 00:25:23.520
My son was like that, okay?

413
00:25:23.520 --> 00:25:27.360
So when I joined this program, my son was five years old,

414
00:25:27.360 --> 00:25:29.720
and I would pick him up from his dad

415
00:25:29.720 --> 00:25:32.040
and my son would be like, hey, mom,

416
00:25:32.040 --> 00:25:34.000
is there a ring on your finger?

417
00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:36.640
I'd be like, no, why?

418
00:25:36.640 --> 00:25:37.920
Oh, I don't know, I just thought

419
00:25:37.920 --> 00:25:39.680
maybe you got married this weekend.

420
00:25:40.640 --> 00:25:41.480
Like, what?

421
00:25:42.680 --> 00:25:44.440
So, I mean, that was my child.

422
00:25:44.440 --> 00:25:47.400
So I knew my, like, that was the cool thing,

423
00:25:47.400 --> 00:25:50.600
is that God showed me that my son's heart was prepared.

424
00:25:50.600 --> 00:25:52.720
So any of you single mommas out there

425
00:25:52.720 --> 00:25:56.600
know that your love story is your children's love story, too.

426
00:25:56.600 --> 00:25:59.640
And sometimes what can happen is, you know,

427
00:26:00.480 --> 00:26:01.320
if our children aren't ready,

428
00:26:01.320 --> 00:26:02.800
so sometimes that might be,

429
00:26:02.800 --> 00:26:06.840
it's a preparation period for our children, too.

430
00:26:06.840 --> 00:26:09.680
And so God's got them in mind, too,

431
00:26:09.680 --> 00:26:11.440
and is thinking about their hearts

432
00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:14.000
just as much as he's thinking about yours.

433
00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:19.000
And so, like, my son, like, knew this program.

434
00:26:20.360 --> 00:26:22.000
He would be on the calls with me,

435
00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:24.400
like, sporadically and things like that.

436
00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:26.880
Like, him and Jackie were like this,

437
00:26:26.880 --> 00:26:30.280
like, even now, like, sometimes when I go see Jackie

438
00:26:30.280 --> 00:26:33.040
and he's like, can you call me when you're with her

439
00:26:33.040 --> 00:26:34.400
so I can say hi to her?

440
00:26:34.400 --> 00:26:36.520
Like, you know, that was,

441
00:26:36.520 --> 00:26:38.280
I was in the program and it was much smaller,

442
00:26:38.280 --> 00:26:40.720
so, like, we had more time with Jackie,

443
00:26:40.720 --> 00:26:44.000
but, you know, my kid, like,

444
00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:46.280
he was on the prayer calls with me.

445
00:26:46.280 --> 00:26:49.120
So he was hearing the prayer, it prepared his heart.

446
00:26:49.120 --> 00:26:53.200
God was moving in his heart, too, is why I say that.

447
00:26:53.200 --> 00:26:57.040
So, again, again, I just went off on a tangent.

448
00:26:57.040 --> 00:27:00.120
So let's get back, let me get back in here.

449
00:27:00.120 --> 00:27:02.560
So, yeah, you had a four-year-old ask you

450
00:27:02.560 --> 00:27:05.800
if I was a kid or a mom, it's so cute.

451
00:27:05.800 --> 00:27:07.080
You learned to laugh about it.

452
00:27:07.080 --> 00:27:08.400
Yep, absolutely.

453
00:27:08.400 --> 00:27:11.440
So I hope that helps you ladies with this whole,

454
00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:14.480
like, why are you single, dah, dah, dah, dah,

455
00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:17.520
kind of question, because it will come up, okay?

456
00:27:17.520 --> 00:27:19.240
Okay, a couple more things.

457
00:27:19.240 --> 00:27:22.640
What to do if they want your number right away, okay?

458
00:27:23.400 --> 00:27:26.640
Versus having a few exchanges and getting off the app.

459
00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:29.120
So, ladies, there are gonna be, like,

460
00:27:29.120 --> 00:27:31.960
remember when you're on these dating sites,

461
00:27:31.960 --> 00:27:35.000
you're on these dating sites to date,

462
00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:37.600
hopefully in real life, okay?

463
00:27:37.600 --> 00:27:40.520
And so I wouldn't say that it is a red flag

464
00:27:40.520 --> 00:27:43.400
if a guy wants your number and wants to, like,

465
00:27:43.400 --> 00:27:45.160
take you out on a date right away.

466
00:27:45.160 --> 00:27:46.480
They're just probably like,

467
00:27:46.480 --> 00:27:50.400
let's just get to know you in real life, okay?

468
00:27:50.400 --> 00:27:52.240
Now, if they're asking for your number,

469
00:27:52.840 --> 00:27:57.200
I strongly encourage all of you to get a Google Voice number.

470
00:27:57.200 --> 00:28:00.440
This way, you're not giving out your personal number,

471
00:28:00.440 --> 00:28:03.280
but they have that Google Voice number, okay?

472
00:28:03.280 --> 00:28:07.640
So that you can have exchanges with them on there, all right?

473
00:28:07.640 --> 00:28:11.320
But don't be, I think you can text with Google Voice,

474
00:28:11.320 --> 00:28:13.400
I don't know 100%.

475
00:28:13.400 --> 00:28:16.760
I, at the time, did not have a Google Voice number.

476
00:28:16.760 --> 00:28:21.760
I felt very, I would always wait to have a few exchanges

477
00:28:21.800 --> 00:28:23.720
and then if I felt comfortable,

478
00:28:23.720 --> 00:28:26.960
I would give my phone number because I just felt like

479
00:28:26.960 --> 00:28:31.960
if they turn into a creeper, I can block them.

480
00:28:32.120 --> 00:28:35.240
However, I do know that sometimes people

481
00:28:35.240 --> 00:28:37.560
can use your phone number to scam you.

482
00:28:39.080 --> 00:28:41.480
In certain ways, I don't know.

483
00:28:41.480 --> 00:28:44.240
I don't know the whole, like,

484
00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:46.720
world of hacking and scamming and stuff,

485
00:28:46.720 --> 00:28:48.920
but I think sometimes they can do that.

486
00:28:49.840 --> 00:28:51.680
So Stephanie, you have one for business,

487
00:28:52.480 --> 00:28:54.520
but you don't know if you can text, okay.

488
00:28:55.720 --> 00:28:57.400
Here's the thing, give them a Google Voice number,

489
00:28:57.400 --> 00:28:58.800
have a phone call.

490
00:28:58.800 --> 00:29:00.720
I know it's a little weird at times,

491
00:29:00.720 --> 00:29:03.160
but I would say just go ahead.

492
00:29:03.160 --> 00:29:05.000
If they want a number and they wanna talk to you

493
00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:07.960
in real life, then, you know,

494
00:29:07.960 --> 00:29:10.000
go ahead and give them a Google Voice number

495
00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:10.960
and have the phone call.

496
00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:13.320
Or if they ask you for your number, be like,

497
00:29:13.320 --> 00:29:16.240
I don't feel comfortable giving my number out right away,

498
00:29:16.240 --> 00:29:18.880
but can we set up a Zoom call?

499
00:29:18.880 --> 00:29:21.200
Can we have a video call instead?

500
00:29:22.240 --> 00:29:23.840
Get a video call in.

501
00:29:23.840 --> 00:29:26.760
I love video calls because it kind of breaks the ice

502
00:29:26.760 --> 00:29:27.640
a little bit.

503
00:29:27.640 --> 00:29:29.960
You get to see the person's facial reaction.

504
00:29:29.960 --> 00:29:33.120
You get to see, like, do they look like their pictures

505
00:29:33.120 --> 00:29:34.600
or do they look like those pictures

506
00:29:34.600 --> 00:29:36.400
are like 15 or 20 years old?

507
00:29:37.760 --> 00:29:38.840
Like that happens.

508
00:29:38.840 --> 00:29:40.520
Sometimes people feel like, oh my gosh,

509
00:29:40.520 --> 00:29:44.160
like this person's photos don't look like who they are now.

510
00:29:44.160 --> 00:29:47.280
So that's why I think video is perfect.

511
00:29:47.280 --> 00:29:50.680
And with Zoom, when you have a free Zoom account,

512
00:29:50.680 --> 00:29:53.440
you can get like a 40 minute Zoom call.

513
00:29:53.440 --> 00:29:56.680
And then that helps you keep it in that less than an hour

514
00:29:56.680 --> 00:29:59.560
so that you're not deep diving into conversation.

515
00:29:59.560 --> 00:30:00.400
You're just.

516
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.500
seeing and interacting with someone face-to-face.

517
00:30:03.500 --> 00:30:04.980
Okay?

518
00:30:04.980 --> 00:30:06.900
So I hope that answers some questions.

519
00:30:06.900 --> 00:30:11.900
I saw someone bring up in one of the, in the app,

520
00:30:12.220 --> 00:30:14.140
something about people wanting,

521
00:30:14.140 --> 00:30:19.140
asking them on a dating site to move to WhatsApp.

522
00:30:20.780 --> 00:30:23.340
So, if that was you,

523
00:30:23.340 --> 00:30:26.140
I think, was it somebody in here even?

524
00:30:26.140 --> 00:30:26.980
Maybe.

525
00:30:28.140 --> 00:30:29.060
Stephanie, was that you?

526
00:30:29.060 --> 00:30:30.140
I don't know if Stephanie's on here.

527
00:30:30.140 --> 00:30:32.940
She might have to have jumped off.

528
00:30:32.940 --> 00:30:34.380
I don't know if I just said that right.

529
00:30:34.380 --> 00:30:36.140
I'm tripping over my words.

530
00:30:36.140 --> 00:30:38.860
Anyway, if you're online and they're messaging you

531
00:30:38.860 --> 00:30:41.520
and they're like, hey, let's get off the app.

532
00:30:41.520 --> 00:30:43.500
Come to me on WhatsApp.

533
00:30:44.820 --> 00:30:47.700
I'm gonna, ladies, I'm gonna really strongly advise

534
00:30:47.700 --> 00:30:49.420
not to move over to WhatsApp,

535
00:30:50.460 --> 00:30:52.540
especially if you haven't had any interactions

536
00:30:52.540 --> 00:30:53.620
with a person.

537
00:30:53.620 --> 00:30:55.900
I'm not saying that this happens all the times,

538
00:30:55.900 --> 00:30:59.500
but sometimes, sometimes, okay?

539
00:30:59.500 --> 00:31:02.860
This might indicate it's a scammer.

540
00:31:02.860 --> 00:31:05.540
I've seen that happen in our community

541
00:31:05.540 --> 00:31:09.620
where people use WhatsApp to scam.

542
00:31:11.220 --> 00:31:13.140
So that's why I say, get the Google voice number,

543
00:31:13.140 --> 00:31:15.340
get them on a Zoom call.

544
00:31:15.340 --> 00:31:17.860
Get them face-to-face with you.

545
00:31:17.860 --> 00:31:18.700
All right?

546
00:31:19.740 --> 00:31:21.180
So I hope that helps.

547
00:31:22.120 --> 00:31:24.500
Navigate that.

548
00:31:24.500 --> 00:31:25.420
Okay.

549
00:31:26.300 --> 00:31:27.400
All right.

550
00:31:27.400 --> 00:31:28.940
We've got a lot of questions.

551
00:31:28.940 --> 00:31:30.380
I'm already 30 minutes in,

552
00:31:30.380 --> 00:31:33.260
so I'm gonna hold the stuff that I,

553
00:31:33.260 --> 00:31:35.300
other stuff that I had to talk about

554
00:31:35.300 --> 00:31:38.340
because I wanna start taking y'all's questions

555
00:31:38.340 --> 00:31:40.220
and then maybe some things will come up.

556
00:31:40.220 --> 00:31:41.700
A couple of things that I was gonna do

557
00:31:41.700 --> 00:31:43.740
was kind of, and any of you ladies are like,

558
00:31:43.740 --> 00:31:46.220
yes, I wanna talk about it, raise your hand,

559
00:31:46.220 --> 00:31:48.060
and then we can get to it at the end.

560
00:31:49.380 --> 00:31:52.500
How to handle guys not wanting to move forward,

561
00:31:52.500 --> 00:31:54.820
what to do if a guy's grabbing your hand

562
00:31:54.820 --> 00:31:57.340
or wants to give you, like goes in for the hug

563
00:31:57.340 --> 00:31:59.100
or goes in for a kiss when you're on a date,

564
00:31:59.100 --> 00:32:01.080
like how to handle that if you wanna know,

565
00:32:01.080 --> 00:32:05.380
we can talk about that after we get through the questions.

566
00:32:05.380 --> 00:32:07.620
I also wanna encourage you ladies,

567
00:32:07.620 --> 00:32:10.380
Anja's, if you guys go in the app,

568
00:32:10.380 --> 00:32:13.500
look at Anja's, I think I'm pronouncing it,

569
00:32:13.500 --> 00:32:17.760
A-N-J-A, look at some of her posts

570
00:32:17.760 --> 00:32:20.820
because she had healthy communication with a guy

571
00:32:20.820 --> 00:32:23.640
that she spent a month getting to know

572
00:32:23.640 --> 00:32:25.560
and she realized that it wasn't gonna move

573
00:32:25.560 --> 00:32:29.000
romantically forward and so she communicated that to him

574
00:32:29.000 --> 00:32:33.480
and then he was kind of responding in some unhealthy ways

575
00:32:33.480 --> 00:32:36.680
and so at some point, I want you ladies to check that out

576
00:32:36.680 --> 00:32:41.680
and look at that and we can always unpack that as well.

577
00:32:43.160 --> 00:32:45.840
I think there's a lot of good things in that situation

578
00:32:45.840 --> 00:32:47.480
that will help a lot of you ladies

579
00:32:49.280 --> 00:32:52.640
so we can always unpack that later if we have time.

580
00:32:52.680 --> 00:32:55.120
Okay, let's get to questions.

581
00:32:55.120 --> 00:32:56.920
All right, and I'm just gonna even go through here

582
00:32:56.920 --> 00:32:58.120
on the chat.

583
00:32:58.120 --> 00:33:01.020
Okay, so yeah, Stephanie had to go.

584
00:33:01.020 --> 00:33:04.440
What if they ask for your number and they say,

585
00:33:04.440 --> 00:33:07.040
and they said, text, not call?

586
00:33:07.040 --> 00:33:08.780
Yeah, that's questionable.

587
00:33:12.040 --> 00:33:13.560
Again, I'd be like, I'm not comfortable

588
00:33:13.560 --> 00:33:15.680
giving out my number, why can't we get on a Zoom call?

589
00:33:15.680 --> 00:33:17.560
And if they're not gonna wanna jump on a video call

590
00:33:17.560 --> 00:33:21.400
with you, like just move forward.

591
00:33:21.400 --> 00:33:24.120
How to handle those that don't wanna move forward.

592
00:33:24.120 --> 00:33:25.720
Okay, so Janice, that was one.

593
00:33:25.720 --> 00:33:27.520
Well, Janice, you had your hand up for another question.

594
00:33:27.520 --> 00:33:28.980
So Janice, I'm gonna go ahead and go to you

595
00:33:28.980 --> 00:33:30.200
to ask your question.

596
00:33:31.440 --> 00:33:33.200
How are you?

597
00:33:33.200 --> 00:33:35.080
I'm well.

598
00:33:35.080 --> 00:33:37.160
Yes, I do have a question.

599
00:33:38.200 --> 00:33:42.000
So over last year, I had this friendship with a guy

600
00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:45.840
and as I got to know him, I became more interested

601
00:33:45.840 --> 00:33:50.840
and then I finally got to ask him to go to coffee

602
00:33:51.640 --> 00:33:55.040
a few weeks ago and it turned out that he,

603
00:33:55.040 --> 00:33:58.440
because what happened was we ended up on the same

604
00:33:58.440 --> 00:34:03.440
dating app and he popped on my app, on my,

605
00:34:04.120 --> 00:34:04.960
yeah, he did.

606
00:34:04.960 --> 00:34:07.320
So just recently he popped up on your dating app.

607
00:34:07.320 --> 00:34:12.239
Exactly, and so at that time, soon after we went to coffee

608
00:34:12.239 --> 00:34:15.480
and he said to me that he was just interested

609
00:34:15.480 --> 00:34:18.159
from the very beginning as a friend

610
00:34:18.159 --> 00:34:21.159
because he's looking for someone that would,

611
00:34:21.840 --> 00:34:23.480
he would be excited to get to know

612
00:34:23.480 --> 00:34:26.400
and because he also, he wants to be a dad

613
00:34:26.400 --> 00:34:30.960
and he wasn't sure if he could still be a dad

614
00:34:30.960 --> 00:34:32.639
because he's in his mid-40s.

615
00:34:32.639 --> 00:34:34.719
And so basically he was looking for somebody

616
00:34:34.719 --> 00:34:37.920
that's a lot younger probably.

617
00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:41.560
And so, but the thing is we're around each other a lot

618
00:34:41.560 --> 00:34:46.239
and we're good friends and he's in my church

619
00:34:46.239 --> 00:34:48.920
and we're in the same circles and stuff like that.

620
00:34:48.920 --> 00:34:52.800
It seems like nothing has changed as far as friendship goes

621
00:34:52.800 --> 00:34:55.440
but what I'm having a hard time is

622
00:34:55.440 --> 00:34:59.440
I've had attachments emotionally to him.

623
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.000
And so how do I go about in healing through that?

624
00:35:06.120 --> 00:35:09.760
And also not having that pattern with men

625
00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:13.960
that I am becoming interested in.

626
00:35:13.960 --> 00:35:15.840
And then besides that,

627
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:19.480
because we're in the same community, the same church,

628
00:35:19.480 --> 00:35:23.860
what happens if I see him date one of my friends?

629
00:35:23.860 --> 00:35:25.620
Like it-

630
00:35:25.620 --> 00:35:28.220
Yeah, so you're interested in him

631
00:35:28.220 --> 00:35:31.420
and he's basically communicated to you

632
00:35:31.420 --> 00:35:35.420
that he's not, he's only interested in you as a friend.

633
00:35:35.420 --> 00:35:38.420
He's not looking to date you romantically.

634
00:35:38.420 --> 00:35:39.260
Right.

635
00:35:39.260 --> 00:35:44.100
And so you've known him for over a year, right?

636
00:35:44.100 --> 00:35:45.260
Yes.

637
00:35:45.260 --> 00:35:47.540
And so let's talk about that.

638
00:35:47.540 --> 00:35:50.700
When you first knew him,

639
00:35:50.700 --> 00:35:53.700
did those feelings or those,

640
00:35:53.700 --> 00:35:56.460
did you have interested feelings in him

641
00:35:56.460 --> 00:35:58.140
in the very beginning?

642
00:35:58.140 --> 00:35:59.460
No.

643
00:35:59.460 --> 00:36:02.220
So how long have you realized

644
00:36:02.220 --> 00:36:04.780
that you were interested in wanting to date him?

645
00:36:07.380 --> 00:36:10.460
I think within the,

646
00:36:10.460 --> 00:36:14.340
probably the fourth month period of getting to know him.

647
00:36:14.340 --> 00:36:17.540
You knew him for about four months as a friend.

648
00:36:17.540 --> 00:36:18.380
Yes.

649
00:36:18.380 --> 00:36:20.140
Like that four month mark, you're like,

650
00:36:20.540 --> 00:36:22.180
oh, I'm really interested in him.

651
00:36:22.180 --> 00:36:24.940
Yeah, because I wasn't sure if I could trust him

652
00:36:24.940 --> 00:36:26.380
and things like that.

653
00:36:26.380 --> 00:36:29.180
And I had so much anxiety when it came to like,

654
00:36:29.180 --> 00:36:31.100
thinking about even dating.

655
00:36:31.100 --> 00:36:32.660
But as I got to know him,

656
00:36:32.660 --> 00:36:35.980
I think within that four to six month period,

657
00:36:35.980 --> 00:36:38.540
I realized, wow, this is a nice guy.

658
00:36:38.540 --> 00:36:42.300
Like he, this is a good guy and he's trustworthy.

659
00:36:42.300 --> 00:36:43.900
You know, so.

660
00:36:43.900 --> 00:36:45.140
Okay.

661
00:36:45.140 --> 00:36:47.420
So yeah, I mean, if that was four months in

662
00:36:47.420 --> 00:36:49.900
and you said you've now known him for over a year,

663
00:36:50.660 --> 00:36:53.260
so we're looking at eight months

664
00:36:53.260 --> 00:36:55.580
of being interested in this guy.

665
00:36:57.340 --> 00:36:59.420
You know, I've been there.

666
00:36:59.420 --> 00:37:02.020
My guess is you probably started having fantasies

667
00:37:02.020 --> 00:37:03.780
about what it would look like

668
00:37:03.780 --> 00:37:05.860
if you guys had a relationship.

669
00:37:05.860 --> 00:37:08.420
Would that be fair in saying that?

670
00:37:08.420 --> 00:37:09.420
Yes.

671
00:37:09.420 --> 00:37:10.660
In the beginning, yes.

672
00:37:10.660 --> 00:37:15.660
And I tried to like over the few times,

673
00:37:15.780 --> 00:37:18.340
tried to like get it away of my mind

674
00:37:18.340 --> 00:37:20.980
until I felt at peace

675
00:37:20.980 --> 00:37:24.060
because it was giving me anxiety as well.

676
00:37:24.060 --> 00:37:26.180
Yeah, ladies, because when we fantasize

677
00:37:26.180 --> 00:37:28.300
about what something can look like,

678
00:37:28.300 --> 00:37:31.300
we're living in this like future, right?

679
00:37:31.300 --> 00:37:34.300
And when we are looking at the future

680
00:37:34.300 --> 00:37:35.660
and we're living in the future,

681
00:37:35.660 --> 00:37:37.660
or even sometimes when we're living in the past,

682
00:37:37.660 --> 00:37:40.180
like that's when anxiety really can come in.

683
00:37:40.180 --> 00:37:43.300
And so Janice, I think this is really important

684
00:37:43.300 --> 00:37:44.700
for you to just, again,

685
00:37:44.700 --> 00:37:47.140
you're seeing a situation that happened

686
00:37:47.140 --> 00:37:49.340
and it's not to keep you stuck,

687
00:37:49.340 --> 00:37:51.380
but it's to allow you some time to heal

688
00:37:51.380 --> 00:37:54.980
and understand that, you know,

689
00:37:54.980 --> 00:37:59.700
to not fall in the same pattern is having more confidence.

690
00:37:59.700 --> 00:38:02.420
Like I'm curious why at four months,

691
00:38:02.420 --> 00:38:05.420
why didn't you try to engage with him?

692
00:38:05.420 --> 00:38:07.740
Why didn't then did you not ask,

693
00:38:07.740 --> 00:38:10.140
hey, let's go meet for coffee.

694
00:38:10.140 --> 00:38:11.140
Let's go do something.

695
00:38:11.140 --> 00:38:12.780
Let's go hang out.

696
00:38:12.780 --> 00:38:16.420
Because I was still having anxiety about my past

697
00:38:16.420 --> 00:38:19.420
and I felt like I wasn't healed completely

698
00:38:19.420 --> 00:38:22.540
or to even ask someone to go out.

699
00:38:22.540 --> 00:38:24.740
Like I had so much fear.

700
00:38:24.740 --> 00:38:25.580
I had so much fear.

701
00:38:25.580 --> 00:38:27.420
Well, and that's, yeah.

702
00:38:27.420 --> 00:38:30.460
And like you get that now, right?

703
00:38:30.460 --> 00:38:32.140
And now you've gotten this program,

704
00:38:32.140 --> 00:38:36.180
you've gotten through heartwork and now you have tools.

705
00:38:36.180 --> 00:38:37.900
So I don't want you sitting here focusing,

706
00:38:37.900 --> 00:38:39.660
what did I do wrong?

707
00:38:39.660 --> 00:38:42.900
But now it's like, okay, I have these tools.

708
00:38:42.900 --> 00:38:46.460
How can I allow myself to continue to move forward

709
00:38:46.460 --> 00:38:49.140
so that I don't fall into the same pattern

710
00:38:49.140 --> 00:38:51.140
like I did with this other guy?

711
00:38:51.140 --> 00:38:53.500
I think it's important now that, you know,

712
00:38:53.500 --> 00:38:56.740
I think it's good that you guys had a communication

713
00:38:56.740 --> 00:38:58.820
that you guys actually went to coffee

714
00:38:58.820 --> 00:39:01.780
and you can let that rest now and be like, wow,

715
00:39:01.780 --> 00:39:05.740
like I see that he's not interested in me like that.

716
00:39:05.740 --> 00:39:07.180
And I don't think it has to be like,

717
00:39:07.180 --> 00:39:09.620
you need to beat yourself up that you're not good enough.

718
00:39:09.620 --> 00:39:11.860
I think it's just not your spirit mate.

719
00:39:11.860 --> 00:39:12.700
And that's fine.

720
00:39:13.500 --> 00:39:14.900
It means that there's somebody better out there for you.

721
00:39:14.900 --> 00:39:17.580
So if you think this guy is really great,

722
00:39:17.580 --> 00:39:21.100
think about your spirit mate, he's gonna be even better.

723
00:39:21.100 --> 00:39:25.100
And so really spending time and processing,

724
00:39:25.100 --> 00:39:30.100
like what thoughts and beliefs are you like thinking

725
00:39:33.580 --> 00:39:36.780
and really taking that stuff to the Lord.

726
00:39:36.780 --> 00:39:38.940
Because sometimes if we're starting to align

727
00:39:38.940 --> 00:39:41.780
with certain beliefs and if we have anxious thoughts,

728
00:39:41.820 --> 00:39:46.820
what fears are attached to those anxious thoughts

729
00:39:46.820 --> 00:39:50.700
and take those to the Lord and ask where those come from?

730
00:39:50.700 --> 00:39:52.220
Where are those roots?

731
00:39:52.220 --> 00:39:54.900
Because now we can heal through that.

732
00:39:54.900 --> 00:39:56.420
We got some revelation

733
00:39:56.420 --> 00:39:58.540
and now we can start healing through it.

734
00:39:58.540 --> 00:40:00.100
What does God say about?

735
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.620
And so I would even encourage you because I would I would say that you because you've had

736
00:40:07.380 --> 00:40:09.380
eight months of really

737
00:40:09.720 --> 00:40:16.320
Liking this guy and hoping that it was going to turn into relationship. It's possible that you have some soul ties with him

738
00:40:17.380 --> 00:40:24.600
You have some soul ties on what could have been and what you wished it was and so I think it would be

739
00:40:25.060 --> 00:40:26.520
You know

740
00:40:26.520 --> 00:40:33.360
beneficial to go through a process of breaking some of those soul ties and that will help you heal and

741
00:40:35.760 --> 00:40:41.200
Have you watched the dating 101 video? I think this is where it comes from. Have you watched dating 101?

742
00:40:41.200 --> 00:40:47.040
Um, I'm re-watching it right now. Okay process. She talks about

743
00:40:50.920 --> 00:40:52.920
Situationships and delusionships

744
00:40:53.480 --> 00:40:58.040
Really want you to focus on that not coming from a place of condemnation

745
00:40:58.760 --> 00:41:04.840
Okay, or shame or guilt but really listen and tap into what Jackie speaks

746
00:41:05.560 --> 00:41:11.080
When she talks about those because I think you're gonna get some breakthrough from hearing a lot of that

747
00:41:12.080 --> 00:41:17.920
Because I think that's what you kind of probably have found yourself in this like delusionship like you you have

748
00:41:18.800 --> 00:41:20.240
fantasized

749
00:41:20.240 --> 00:41:27.040
What this could have been and you got hopeful and then now that's that's what you're you're attached to

750
00:41:28.160 --> 00:41:30.160
And so it's gonna be

751
00:41:30.240 --> 00:41:35.080
Recognizing that let's break that soul time. Let's let's process through

752
00:41:35.080 --> 00:41:39.880
what are some of the fears and anxious thoughts that I'm aligning and attaching to and

753
00:41:40.760 --> 00:41:46.360
Let's take those to the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to start giving us revelation about what?

754
00:41:46.800 --> 00:41:48.800
What does he say about that?

755
00:41:50.240 --> 00:41:54.040
And aligning with truth and not the lies

756
00:41:55.120 --> 00:41:57.720
Through some of that stuff. Does that help make sense?

757
00:41:58.600 --> 00:42:00.600
Yes. Yes, okay

758
00:42:01.120 --> 00:42:05.960
But I want you to know like don't don't beat yourself up for this. I

759
00:42:07.160 --> 00:42:11.400
Before I found this program. I that that happened to me often I

760
00:42:12.120 --> 00:42:14.440
get really excited about somebody and

761
00:42:15.360 --> 00:42:18.280
just really hope that that was my person and

762
00:42:19.280 --> 00:42:22.560
They get so discouraged when it didn't turn out that way

763
00:42:24.080 --> 00:42:30.880
But I didn't have heart work I didn't have those tools and so we don't have to focus on you know the past

764
00:42:31.320 --> 00:42:34.880
But really move forward like okay, that was my past

765
00:42:34.880 --> 00:42:41.200
I didn't have this this information, but I have this new information now and God can help me heal through that

766
00:42:42.000 --> 00:42:48.920
Okay, and I had to really link a lot of it was it was tied to my identity and what I thought about myself and

767
00:42:48.920 --> 00:42:50.680
How I saw myself

768
00:42:50.680 --> 00:42:55.760
And so I would just spend time with Holy Spirit and really process through some of that stuff

769
00:42:57.000 --> 00:43:03.160
Okay, and then come to us next week and let let us hear about what you've processed through

770
00:43:03.800 --> 00:43:06.960
Okay. Okay. I think there's even um, I

771
00:43:07.960 --> 00:43:13.240
I have to look it up. So just remind me in the app if there's any soul tie

772
00:43:14.680 --> 00:43:18.080
Video we had it a long time ago. We might have taken it down

773
00:43:19.800 --> 00:43:22.760
Because we might yeah, I know how to do that

774
00:43:24.320 --> 00:43:25.280
Okay, good

775
00:43:25.280 --> 00:43:25.760
so, you know

776
00:43:25.760 --> 00:43:31.200
so I would just keep doing that a lot of times when we try to do that like when we try to like I know and

777
00:43:31.200 --> 00:43:36.440
When I try to like literally break a soul tie like I have asked I have to give something to God and I'll be like

778
00:43:36.440 --> 00:43:38.440
Okay, God, I need you to replace it with something

779
00:43:39.320 --> 00:43:45.000
Because what will happen is I will pass over the pen and I'll surrender it and I'll be like, okay God you take this

780
00:43:45.360 --> 00:43:50.400
But then he goes to take it. I'm still holding on to it. He can't take something if I'm holding on to it

781
00:43:51.080 --> 00:43:56.040
All right, but I have to give it back and then you know happens like he'll take it and then I'll go try to take

782
00:43:56.040 --> 00:44:00.560
It right back from him. You know, he's he's a loving God. He's gonna be like you want it back. I'm not gonna I'm not

783
00:44:01.560 --> 00:44:05.240
He gives us free will and so I think it's just again

784
00:44:05.240 --> 00:44:08.600
It's just constantly staying in prayer staying in relationship with him

785
00:44:09.040 --> 00:44:15.920
Constantly like I have to sometimes give the pen over to him several times. I didn't do that in my walk in this community

786
00:44:16.520 --> 00:44:20.200
Like I didn't want to give up a lot of things. I didn't want to surrender the pen

787
00:44:20.200 --> 00:44:27.040
I wanted things to happen my way and ladies when I finally was just like I had enough God like I'm done

788
00:44:27.040 --> 00:44:29.200
I'm stepping out of it. I'm out of the driver's seat

789
00:44:29.200 --> 00:44:31.200
You're just gonna have to do something

790
00:44:31.360 --> 00:44:33.760
That's when the Lord brought my husband. I

791
00:44:35.600 --> 00:44:41.160
Had like I was not fully surrendered I kept picking things back up

792
00:44:42.960 --> 00:44:50.280
Like I can't stress enough how important it is for you ladies to get a hold of surrendering the pen

793
00:44:51.120 --> 00:44:53.860
We talked about this in phase one. It's so

794
00:44:55.080 --> 00:44:57.080
important

795
00:44:57.080 --> 00:44:59.680
To really practice surrendering the pen

796
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.000
Okay.

797
00:45:01.000 --> 00:45:05.320
Janice, I hope this helps you.

798
00:45:05.320 --> 00:45:09.040
I hope this helps some of you other ladies that are on here, too, that might be struggling

799
00:45:09.040 --> 00:45:14.080
with some of the same things, especially when you, because some of this is just like you

800
00:45:14.080 --> 00:45:20.720
feel rejected, but I want to encourage you ladies to know that it's not rejection.

801
00:45:20.720 --> 00:45:26.600
It's God's protection because he has something really great for you, and sometimes we think

802
00:45:26.600 --> 00:45:34.240
what is best for us is really not the best for us, and he knows, and he truly, truly

803
00:45:34.240 --> 00:45:35.240
knows.

804
00:45:35.240 --> 00:45:36.240
Okay.

805
00:45:36.240 --> 00:45:37.240
So sometimes rejection is protection.

806
00:45:37.240 --> 00:45:42.200
It's God defended because he knows what he's got coming for you.

807
00:45:42.200 --> 00:45:43.200
Okay.

808
00:45:43.200 --> 00:45:53.480
All right, Christina, I'm going to take you, then I got Liz, Stacey, Ashley, Charis, Ashley.

809
00:45:53.480 --> 00:45:56.880
Christina, can you hang tight?

810
00:45:56.880 --> 00:45:59.640
Are you able to stay on for a little bit longer?

811
00:45:59.640 --> 00:46:01.240
I have another like 15 minutes.

812
00:46:01.240 --> 00:46:02.240
Okay.

813
00:46:02.240 --> 00:46:03.240
Okay.

814
00:46:03.240 --> 00:46:07.240
So Christina, I'm going to take you, and then Charis, I'll take you, then Liz, Stacey,

815
00:46:07.240 --> 00:46:12.200
Janice, if you can take your hand down, unless you still have a second question, and then

816
00:46:12.200 --> 00:46:14.000
I have Ashley and Kaitlyn.

817
00:46:14.000 --> 00:46:15.000
Okay.

818
00:46:15.000 --> 00:46:16.000
All right.

819
00:46:16.000 --> 00:46:17.000
Where did...

820
00:46:17.000 --> 00:46:18.000
Okay.

821
00:46:18.000 --> 00:46:21.000
Christina, you just took your hand down.

822
00:46:21.000 --> 00:46:22.000
Okay.

823
00:46:22.000 --> 00:46:24.000
So what have you got for us, Christina?

824
00:46:24.000 --> 00:46:26.360
Oh, a dating fail.

825
00:46:26.360 --> 00:46:32.960
So one is, is love bombing like an automatic red flag, like if I see that?

826
00:46:32.960 --> 00:46:33.960
Do I just like...

827
00:46:33.960 --> 00:46:34.960
Well, let's...

828
00:46:34.960 --> 00:46:39.600
Like we're perfect together, like we had two phone calls.

829
00:46:39.600 --> 00:46:40.600
Okay.

830
00:46:40.600 --> 00:46:48.960
It started last Wednesday, and he's never said anything like terrible to me.

831
00:46:48.960 --> 00:46:49.960
Okay.

832
00:46:49.960 --> 00:46:50.960
It was all...

833
00:46:50.960 --> 00:46:53.640
It started to get very physical in the things he was saying.

834
00:46:53.640 --> 00:46:54.640
Okay.

835
00:46:54.640 --> 00:46:55.640
Can you give me examples?

836
00:46:55.640 --> 00:47:00.560
Like, if you keep this up, I'm going to have to make you mine.

837
00:47:00.560 --> 00:47:04.080
And then he had asked me, like, what's my type?

838
00:47:04.080 --> 00:47:06.680
And I'm like, well, I don't really have a type when it comes to like, he was like, do

839
00:47:06.680 --> 00:47:07.680
you like white guys?

840
00:47:07.680 --> 00:47:11.320
I'm like, I don't have a type when it comes to how someone looks, because I feel like

841
00:47:11.320 --> 00:47:15.240
I've been attracted to people that are all very different.

842
00:47:15.240 --> 00:47:20.840
So I ended up asking him, and he was like, I don't really like white girls.

843
00:47:21.720 --> 00:47:23.720
I like girls who are more like petite and exotic.

844
00:47:23.720 --> 00:47:28.360
And I'm like, I don't like, I just can't do the exotic part, you know, like, that just

845
00:47:28.360 --> 00:47:29.360
kind of pisses me off.

846
00:47:29.360 --> 00:47:30.360
I don't know.

847
00:47:30.360 --> 00:47:31.360
I'm not sure what that means.

848
00:47:31.360 --> 00:47:33.960
And he asked me about following me on Instagram, and I'm not very...

849
00:47:33.960 --> 00:47:37.960
I don't like doing that, but I caved, which I know was my fault.

850
00:47:37.960 --> 00:47:38.960
Okay, that's fine.

851
00:47:38.960 --> 00:47:43.320
And I also saw his page and saw that he was like, he looked like a partier.

852
00:47:43.320 --> 00:47:48.400
So then I went to his following, and he follows a bunch of half-naked girls, and I'm like,

853
00:47:48.400 --> 00:47:49.400
this is not...

854
00:47:49.960 --> 00:47:51.640
This is just not my vibe.

855
00:47:51.640 --> 00:47:57.520
So I kind of tried to say things to make him reject me, because I'm like, for me, it's

856
00:47:57.520 --> 00:48:04.520
easier than rejecting someone, and I don't know why I feel that way.

857
00:48:04.520 --> 00:48:08.080
So I kind of just stopped texting him, which I did give him my number.

858
00:48:08.080 --> 00:48:14.040
But then yesterday, he even did the whole, I'd go to church with you, all the things.

859
00:48:14.040 --> 00:48:18.320
But it just didn't feel like he was being genuine.

860
00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:21.480
And then yesterday, he sent me a reel, four reels.

861
00:48:21.480 --> 00:48:23.320
I didn't even watch half of them.

862
00:48:23.320 --> 00:48:28.320
But the first one was this girl in Atlanta, where I live, going to get her vagina waxed

863
00:48:28.320 --> 00:48:31.000
and explaining how it looked and how great it was.

864
00:48:31.000 --> 00:48:33.200
Wait, he sent that to you?

865
00:48:33.200 --> 00:48:35.360
Dude, that's gross.

866
00:48:35.360 --> 00:48:40.160
I just sent him a message and blocked him, because I'm like, I don't even want...

867
00:48:40.160 --> 00:48:41.160
He's blocked, right?

868
00:48:41.160 --> 00:48:42.160
Yes.

869
00:48:42.160 --> 00:48:43.160
You blocked him now, right?

870
00:48:43.160 --> 00:48:44.160
Yes, 100%.

871
00:48:44.160 --> 00:48:45.160
Okay, good.

872
00:48:45.160 --> 00:48:46.160
But I also feel bad.

873
00:48:47.000 --> 00:48:50.000
I'm like, should I have waited for a response?

874
00:48:50.000 --> 00:48:51.000
No.

875
00:48:51.000 --> 00:48:52.000
Or should I?

876
00:48:52.000 --> 00:48:55.000
But I'm like, who sends that to someone?

877
00:48:55.000 --> 00:48:56.000
Yeah.

878
00:48:56.000 --> 00:48:57.000
No.

879
00:48:57.000 --> 00:48:58.000
Ladies, okay.

880
00:48:58.000 --> 00:49:02.000
So many good things that I want to talk about.

881
00:49:02.000 --> 00:49:03.960
So he did bring up the Christian.

882
00:49:03.960 --> 00:49:05.640
He asked me what was most important to me.

883
00:49:05.640 --> 00:49:06.840
And I said, my faith is most important.

884
00:49:06.840 --> 00:49:09.040
I was like, I'm just going to go for it.

885
00:49:09.040 --> 00:49:11.040
And I want someone who feels the same way.

886
00:49:11.040 --> 00:49:13.200
And he was like, well, I'm a Christian, I got baptized.

887
00:49:13.240 --> 00:49:17.520
But I didn't pry because I didn't want to be like, I know this is like dating to discover

888
00:49:17.520 --> 00:49:19.760
and we shouldn't like dig deep.

889
00:49:19.760 --> 00:49:21.240
So I'm trying not to dig deep.

890
00:49:21.240 --> 00:49:24.920
But I'm like, if I dug deeper, maybe I wouldn't.

891
00:49:24.920 --> 00:49:26.040
Well, here's the thing.

892
00:49:26.040 --> 00:49:31.080
I don't think you digging deeper would have made you realize that this guy's not a Christian.

893
00:49:31.080 --> 00:49:33.480
I don't think you need to dig because guess what?

894
00:49:33.480 --> 00:49:34.880
He exposed himself.

895
00:49:34.880 --> 00:49:42.040
Ladies, these men, if you spend some time getting to know them, their true self will

896
00:49:42.040 --> 00:49:43.360
surface.

897
00:49:43.360 --> 00:49:46.320
This guy's true self was surfacing.

898
00:49:46.320 --> 00:49:47.360
Okay.

899
00:49:47.360 --> 00:49:54.880
So again, when he's saying things, if this keeps, keeps up, I'll have to make you mine.

900
00:49:54.880 --> 00:49:59.600
Like, what do you mean, if this keeps up, like, what was he referring to?

901
00:49:59.600 --> 00:50:00.040
Like me.

902
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.800
being like compatible with him. Okay everything that we talked about and things I I so when he

903
00:50:06.800 --> 00:50:12.560
said that I was like oh that's like that's quite a compliment to make when we barely know each other

904
00:50:12.560 --> 00:50:18.000
is what I said. Okay that's what I'm saying so ladies when you have this stuff come up it's

905
00:50:18.000 --> 00:50:26.480
important to make sure like watch how you are responding okay how are you like how are you

906
00:50:26.480 --> 00:50:32.000
drawing a boundary like if he's like oh if this keeps up and I have to make you mine and be like

907
00:50:33.280 --> 00:50:40.320
well I'm not quite sure what you mean by that I don't think it's healthy to jump in to a

908
00:50:40.320 --> 00:50:45.920
relationship without having some time to get to know each other how about we spend more time

909
00:50:45.920 --> 00:50:50.080
getting to know each other before we make statements like that would that be cool with you

910
00:50:50.880 --> 00:50:57.360
and then watch to see if they respect that boundary I think again I think you're seeing

911
00:50:57.360 --> 00:51:04.240
that this man has not he's not respecting boundaries okay and again you said that the

912
00:51:04.240 --> 00:51:10.240
Instagram thing I'm glad that you recognize like the following on Instagram like ladies

913
00:51:10.240 --> 00:51:16.080
I cannot stress enough do not allow strangers to have access to your social media

914
00:51:16.480 --> 00:51:21.840
like you don't know these strangers and depending on what y'all share on your social media like

915
00:51:22.880 --> 00:51:27.600
you can potentially put yourself in some dangerous situations and I'm not saying that to freak y'all

916
00:51:27.600 --> 00:51:37.120
out okay but but I will say Christina in this situation I think once you saw what he's following

917
00:51:37.760 --> 00:51:45.280
and what he's sending to you you're like his true character is surfacing and now you can make that

918
00:51:45.280 --> 00:51:52.080
judgment call of this is not going to move anywhere romantically we're not compatible and this is a

919
00:51:52.080 --> 00:51:56.480
bless and block and ladies when you bless and block men you don't have to tell them that you're

920
00:51:56.480 --> 00:52:05.040
blocking them this man has like again he's showing his true colors and he's showing his true

921
00:52:05.280 --> 00:52:11.440
he's showing his true colors and you can bless him and here's the thing like I don't want to talk

922
00:52:12.000 --> 00:52:19.920
negative about this man because clearly he's got some heart wounds too you know there's a lot like

923
00:52:19.920 --> 00:52:29.440
men in our society are under attack spiritually he said what's that he sent me a screen recording

924
00:52:29.440 --> 00:52:33.920
of his blood work because we were talking about like functional medicine we're very into like

925
00:52:33.920 --> 00:52:40.640
health and wellness but he clicked on his testosterone I was like really really you

926
00:52:40.640 --> 00:52:44.560
should not be like that's what I'm saying like we don't need to have someone's blood work

927
00:52:46.480 --> 00:52:53.040
like this is where you know again like we have to pace our kinds of conversations that we're

928
00:52:53.040 --> 00:52:59.680
having with men and when when people want to go deeper we have to be able ladies to set boundaries

929
00:52:59.680 --> 00:53:04.880
of saying hey these are good questions I think we can discuss these once we've gotten to know

930
00:53:04.880 --> 00:53:10.960
each other better let's make sure that when we're with with we're not just jumping to answer

931
00:53:10.960 --> 00:53:17.600
questions from men but we were really stopping and thinking hmm is this something that I need

932
00:53:17.600 --> 00:53:21.920
to discuss with a complete stranger should I spend some more time getting to know them before

933
00:53:22.480 --> 00:53:26.880
I learn more information like this kind of information about them or vice versa

934
00:53:26.880 --> 00:53:33.680
like you brought something up that I want to I think this situation is going to help you spend

935
00:53:33.680 --> 00:53:39.360
some time getting some revealing and healing is you said a couple things you said something about

936
00:53:39.360 --> 00:53:47.360
feeling bad we like why are we feeling bad when someone is not making healthy choices

937
00:53:47.360 --> 00:53:51.360
and is not respecting boundaries why do you have to feel bad

938
00:53:52.000 --> 00:53:55.760
I think because I know what it feels like to be rejected I would rather be rejected

939
00:53:56.480 --> 00:54:02.320
which sounds terrible so but let's let's that's what I'm saying like I would spend time processing

940
00:54:02.320 --> 00:54:13.440
through that like you you don't want someone to for him it's like because I know he's not my person

941
00:54:13.520 --> 00:54:18.560
him it's like because I know he's not my person I'm fine if he rejects me

942
00:54:20.320 --> 00:54:25.760
I think it's going to be empowering for you to be able to set strong boundaries and say hey

943
00:54:26.640 --> 00:54:30.240
you know I I don't think that these conversations are appropriate

944
00:54:31.680 --> 00:54:37.200
um I don't see that this moving forward romantically I wish you the best of luck

945
00:54:38.320 --> 00:54:43.040
I think it's empowering for us to have healthy communication because ladies I say this

946
00:54:43.680 --> 00:54:47.440
because in marriage you ladies are going to have to practice healthy communication

947
00:54:49.920 --> 00:54:54.800
it's really important and so you're not going to want to have like I have to have

948
00:54:54.800 --> 00:54:59.840
hard conversations with my husband at times that some of the things that I

949
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:08.320
to like share and express to him, he might feel some rejection too. And so I, but am I not going

950
00:55:08.320 --> 00:55:16.720
to communicate that to him because I'm afraid of how he's going to feel? Or is it going to be

951
00:55:16.720 --> 00:55:22.240
respectful in our marriage for me to bring these things up because we're supposed to help each

952
00:55:22.240 --> 00:55:31.840
other? He wants me to feel safe, vulnerable, secure, and protected and provided for. I can't

953
00:55:31.840 --> 00:55:37.440
do, he can't do that if I'm not willing to communicate my needs and my boundaries.

954
00:55:39.760 --> 00:55:45.200
And so I would spend time that with this coming up, like you're saying, it's easier for me

955
00:55:45.520 --> 00:55:53.040
to do something for someone to reject me than me to reject them. So what happens if you get

956
00:55:53.040 --> 00:55:58.160
into marriage and there's just like the enemy is going to sit there and tell you things,

957
00:55:58.160 --> 00:56:03.520
because let me tell you ladies, the enemy does not want y'all married. The enemy doesn't,

958
00:56:03.520 --> 00:56:08.160
when you get married, there will be spiritual attack on your marriage, especially if it's

959
00:56:08.160 --> 00:56:13.840
kingdom. And I'm not saying this to scare you. I'm saying this to just prepare for it.

960
00:56:14.800 --> 00:56:21.520
Spend the time in the singleness to start getting the tools and the resources and practicing this

961
00:56:21.520 --> 00:56:26.400
preparation. Because when you step into marriage and you ladies will hear, Jackie says this,

962
00:56:27.200 --> 00:56:32.240
every time I hear Supernatural Saturday, she's always communicating to you ladies that marriage

963
00:56:32.240 --> 00:56:38.800
is hard, but it doesn't have to be easy. It just has to be worth it. And so I think it's so

964
00:56:38.800 --> 00:56:45.680
important that we're honest with you ladies about that. So again, like if there's something that

965
00:56:45.680 --> 00:56:52.400
comes up and then the enemy is feeding you lies, are you going to start acting a certain way with

966
00:56:52.400 --> 00:56:57.680
your husband? Because you just want him to reject you because you're feeling like, oh, like ladies,

967
00:56:57.680 --> 00:57:02.720
I can't tell you how many times like I feel something comes up that I have to work on in

968
00:57:02.720 --> 00:57:07.920
myself. And I'm like, it would be so much easier if my husband would just reject me because then

969
00:57:07.920 --> 00:57:14.720
it would just, it would validate all the things that I'm feeling. But that's what the enemy wants

970
00:57:14.720 --> 00:57:19.760
because the enemy is sitting here feeding me lies about myself. And it would be easier if

971
00:57:19.760 --> 00:57:24.960
my husband was just like, I don't want to handle you. Like I don't want to deal with you. That's

972
00:57:24.960 --> 00:57:32.720
not like, that's not what marriage is. And so I think it's important for you to spend some time

973
00:57:32.720 --> 00:57:39.360
and process through that. Like, where does that fear come from? What lie are you believing? What

974
00:57:39.360 --> 00:57:46.320
are you aligning with in this belief that it's easier for someone to reject me than me have to

975
00:57:46.320 --> 00:57:54.560
feel like I have to reject them? Why, what fear do you have about rejecting somebody?

976
00:57:56.720 --> 00:57:59.360
What fear is that tied to? What's that rooted in?

977
00:58:01.920 --> 00:58:09.440
Again, and so you've said you have felt rejection. And so is there process stuff that you can work

978
00:58:09.440 --> 00:58:15.280
through? Like, is there something in that, you know, feeling rejection in your past?

979
00:58:15.280 --> 00:58:18.080
Is there some revealing and healing that needs to take place?

980
00:58:21.120 --> 00:58:29.120
Does that help? Yeah. Okay. Come back. Let us know like what the Lord reveals to you this week.

981
00:58:29.920 --> 00:58:38.000
Okay. But I think again, I, I think you, you're handling it well. I think you're noticing like

982
00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:46.000
that dude, completely not health, not healthy and, and a blessing block. You don't even have

983
00:58:46.000 --> 00:58:49.600
to let ladies, you don't have to let men know that you're blocking them. You don't need to

984
00:58:49.600 --> 00:58:55.920
wait for a response. Just block them. Especially if they're sending you like videos of a woman

985
00:58:55.920 --> 00:59:03.040
getting her vagina wax, like that's gross. Like that's completely inappropriate. That's a block.

986
00:59:03.040 --> 00:59:11.040
Like be done with you do boy. Bye. Like that's not masculine. That's not, that's not, no, no,

987
00:59:11.040 --> 00:59:18.880
that's gross. All right. Cheris, what you got? And then I'm going to take Liz.

988
00:59:25.040 --> 00:59:28.000
Am I pronouncing your name right? Can you pronounce it for me?

989
00:59:28.560 --> 00:59:32.080
Cheris. Cheris. Okay. Thank you.

990
00:59:34.080 --> 00:59:41.200
Okay. So my question is quite okay. Cause I, I just came into phase two and it's all these dating

991
00:59:41.200 --> 00:59:50.960
stuff. I, I'm not, I think I need some nudge. I need some encouragement. I'm, I'm not too sure

992
00:59:50.960 --> 00:59:57.840
how to, cause I am not, I don't want to go to online dating. Okay. Yeah. So I, I, I was

993
00:59:57.840 --> 00:59:59.840
considering like joining some interest group.

994
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.440
you know, getting that class or something just to get to know more people. Yeah, no,

995
01:00:06.320 --> 01:00:14.480
I think that's good. Okay, ladies. Um, I know a lot of you, oftentimes we see this every like we

996
01:00:14.480 --> 01:00:19.760
see this often in phase two, there's a lot of times people are hesitant and doing online dating,

997
01:00:19.760 --> 01:00:25.760
which I totally understand. I didn't like the idea of online dating myself. I will encourage

998
01:00:25.760 --> 01:00:31.040
if that's any of you where you're like, I don't want to do online dating. I really think we need

999
01:00:31.040 --> 01:00:38.800
to spend time asking what about online dating? Are we like reluctant to do? We're not forcing

1000
01:00:38.800 --> 01:00:45.760
you to do it. I will encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and try it. Um, however,

1001
01:00:45.760 --> 01:00:53.200
if you do decide that you don't want to do online dating, then like Charis, um, Kara said, like,

1002
01:00:54.160 --> 01:01:02.880
what can you do instead of online dating? So get into activity groups, like get into singles groups,

1003
01:01:02.880 --> 01:01:09.920
go into community, volunteer, put yourself out there to where you are at least interacting with

1004
01:01:09.920 --> 01:01:14.240
other people. Are you communicating with your friends and family that you're single Pringle

1005
01:01:14.240 --> 01:01:22.000
ready to mingle? Okay. Like, yes, I love that single Pringle, right? Single Pringle ready to

1006
01:01:22.160 --> 01:01:28.320
mingle. All right. Like, we're not going to force you to do online dating if you don't want to do it,

1007
01:01:29.520 --> 01:01:35.680
but you have to put yourself out there. So I think again, just if, if it's, you know,

1008
01:01:35.680 --> 01:01:41.040
ask the Lord to highlight, what are some activity groups? What are some things that I can get into?

1009
01:01:41.040 --> 01:01:47.280
Can I, are there any volunteer opportunities in my area? Are there any, um, like if you're maybe

1010
01:01:47.280 --> 01:01:51.360
even going to a farmer's market, like now we're stepping into spring. I feel like now there's

1011
01:01:51.360 --> 01:01:56.160
farmers markets in a lot of these cities that y'all probably live nearby. Like I know some of

1012
01:01:56.160 --> 01:02:01.520
you are like, I live in a really small town. Is there at least a bigger town close to you that

1013
01:02:01.520 --> 01:02:09.680
you can drive to and go like, go to events, go to farmers markets, again, practice making eye

1014
01:02:09.680 --> 01:02:16.800
contact and smiling with men, put yourself out there, engaging in people, start having small talk

1015
01:02:16.800 --> 01:02:23.520
engage, even with women, ladies, sometimes you might run into somebody and it's another woman

1016
01:02:23.520 --> 01:02:28.080
and you're having conversation. And then you realize like, they might be like, Oh, this is a

1017
01:02:28.080 --> 01:02:31.200
really cool girl. And you start talking and you're talking about how you're single or in this

1018
01:02:31.200 --> 01:02:36.080
community. And they may be like, Oh, I actually have a single friend. Let me connect you with

1019
01:02:36.080 --> 01:02:44.160
them. Like you never know who you meet, who might be connected to your spirit mate. Y'all like just

1020
01:02:44.160 --> 01:02:50.160
make small talk, whether it's with men or women. I was just down in Austin for my birthday. And

1021
01:02:51.120 --> 01:02:57.600
my husband and I got to hang out with Jackie and David. And Jackie and I were like shopping on,

1022
01:02:57.600 --> 01:03:04.400
you know, out shopping and stuff. And we're in a store smelling candles. And some like,

1023
01:03:05.440 --> 01:03:09.680
some woman was there and Jackie and her started making small talk. And next thing you know,

1024
01:03:10.480 --> 01:03:15.440
Jackie Sharon, like, Oh, this is what I do. I'm a matchmaker all this. And she's like, Oh,

1025
01:03:15.440 --> 01:03:20.480
I have a friend that single that's right here. And so this girl comes up and like Jackie's

1026
01:03:20.480 --> 01:03:25.360
interaction with her. And I look at, I'm like, Hey, like follow her. It works. Like I've been

1027
01:03:25.360 --> 01:03:33.440
married a year and a half because of this woman. Like, you'll never know who you meet might be

1028
01:03:33.440 --> 01:03:39.920
connected to your spirit mates. So Karis, like, I would say if you're like, absolutely not going

1029
01:03:39.920 --> 01:03:48.560
to do online dating. Okay. We're not going to like, force feed it to you. Okay. But get out,

1030
01:03:48.560 --> 01:03:55.200
make small talk, put yourself out in, in activities, events, and try to meet people that

1031
01:03:55.200 --> 01:04:00.400
way. Even if it's just a new set of girlfriends, like you never know, even the girlfriends here

1032
01:04:00.400 --> 01:04:06.800
in this community, like how many of these women are dating people that are, they're like nice guys,

1033
01:04:06.800 --> 01:04:11.600
but they're not a spirit mate for them, but maybe they might be a spirit mate for you.

1034
01:04:12.480 --> 01:04:18.240
I really appreciate that. Yeah. But I think distance is one of the main problem

1035
01:04:18.960 --> 01:04:27.040
because I'm not in the States. Okay. Well, where are you at? I'm in Asia. Okay. Yeah. I'm in

1036
01:04:27.040 --> 01:04:34.480
Singapore. Oh, cool. Yeah. I remember you sharing about that. Yeah. I'm in a different time zone. So

1037
01:04:34.480 --> 01:04:40.560
that's why I couldn't. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. So, I mean, are there not events and activities in

1038
01:04:40.560 --> 01:04:46.880
Singapore? I mean, that's a pretty big city, isn't it? Like, so I'm thinking, I mean, the one thing

1039
01:04:46.880 --> 01:04:54.720
that came into mind is I want to go back to dance class. Yeah. So, so yeah, I'll try that next month.

1040
01:04:54.720 --> 01:05:00.000
Yeah. Go to dance class, start engaging with some of the people that are in the class with you.

1041
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.760
you hang out with them, meet for coffee, get to know them, and you never know.

1042
01:05:05.760 --> 01:05:14.160
Yeah, so this, yeah, and then the low-stake dating that you often recommend like video

1043
01:05:14.160 --> 01:05:22.600
calls and stuff, can we skip that and just face-to-face meet?

1044
01:05:22.600 --> 01:05:23.600
It's totally okay.

1045
01:05:23.600 --> 01:05:26.600
Okay, I'm confused what you're asking.

1046
01:05:26.600 --> 01:05:28.280
Can you clarify that for me?

1047
01:05:28.280 --> 01:05:29.280
Sure.

1048
01:05:29.280 --> 01:05:36.080
My question is, for the low-stake, low-stake dating, yes, can we just go, instead of doing

1049
01:05:36.080 --> 01:05:43.400
a video call first or doing a Zoom call beforehand, can we just like meet face-to-face?

1050
01:05:43.400 --> 01:05:44.400
Absolutely.

1051
01:05:44.400 --> 01:05:45.400
Absolutely.

1052
01:05:45.400 --> 01:05:53.720
Ladies, I honestly like, if you can get an in-person date, get the in-person date.

1053
01:05:54.360 --> 01:05:59.920
The only time I really would like the video date is like, you might be on an app and you're

1054
01:05:59.920 --> 01:06:04.480
like just getting some exchanges and maybe they live a little further away, you want

1055
01:06:04.480 --> 01:06:09.360
to see that they're an actual person, then get the video call.

1056
01:06:09.360 --> 01:06:17.760
But here's the thing, no, am I, oh, I cut out for a second.

1057
01:06:17.760 --> 01:06:18.760
Can y'all hear me?

1058
01:06:18.760 --> 01:06:20.600
Give me the, okay.

1059
01:06:20.640 --> 01:06:26.280
Like my screen froze and I'm like, no.

1060
01:06:26.280 --> 01:06:27.280
What was I saying now?

1061
01:06:27.280 --> 01:06:28.280
Oh my goodness.

1062
01:06:28.280 --> 01:06:34.120
So yeah, the, good grief, like now I can't even remember what I was saying.

1063
01:06:34.120 --> 01:06:41.000
Oh, the calls, the getting face-to-face, that, like I always say, that's so important.

1064
01:06:41.000 --> 01:06:45.680
Like I would rather do that, especially if you know who they are, like, and you know

1065
01:06:45.680 --> 01:06:49.960
that they're a real person, like get on an in-person date because here's the thing, as

1066
01:06:50.320 --> 01:06:57.200
long as you're in a public place, like don't go, go in for the in-person date and go like

1067
01:06:57.200 --> 01:07:03.320
super late at night and go somewhere where it's secluded, like go somewhere public, okay?

1068
01:07:03.320 --> 01:07:08.160
Drive yourself, like then you're fine.

1069
01:07:08.160 --> 01:07:14.680
And then I would even say like, if you, if you go on an in-person date and you get some

1070
01:07:14.680 --> 01:07:21.320
weird vibes or whatever, and then you're leaving, like go drive somewhere and go get

1071
01:07:21.320 --> 01:07:26.280
coffee and go hang out at a coffee shop for a hot minute, maybe call a friend or something

1072
01:07:26.280 --> 01:07:30.240
like that where you're like not going home right away.

1073
01:07:30.240 --> 01:07:35.400
Again, like this is why I say don't do like your in-person first date, as long as you're

1074
01:07:35.400 --> 01:07:41.320
not making it like super late at night, do it during the daytime, go grab, you know,

1075
01:07:41.320 --> 01:07:47.720
coffee in the morning, go on a walk somewhere public in a public park, it would be more

1076
01:07:47.720 --> 01:07:48.720
ideal.

1077
01:07:48.720 --> 01:07:51.960
But yeah, you don't have to do a video date before an in-person date.

1078
01:07:51.960 --> 01:07:56.200
If you can get the in-person date and you're comfortable going in-person date, I say go

1079
01:07:56.200 --> 01:07:57.200
for it.

1080
01:07:57.200 --> 01:08:00.200
Does that help?

1081
01:08:00.200 --> 01:08:03.200
Ladies, you're cool with that?

1082
01:08:03.200 --> 01:08:05.200
Yeah, it's good.

1083
01:08:05.200 --> 01:08:06.200
Thanks a lot.

1084
01:08:07.080 --> 01:08:13.040
I think sometimes for some ladies, they feel better when they've had a video call with

1085
01:08:13.040 --> 01:08:18.120
somebody because then they know that it's the real person.

1086
01:08:18.120 --> 01:08:23.120
I've done that in the past, but sometimes I'm like, let's just meet in person.

1087
01:08:23.120 --> 01:08:27.439
Like I'll go to a coffee shop or a bookshop, like I did a first date at a bookstore one

1088
01:08:27.439 --> 01:08:32.279
time and we went around, we talked about, oh, look at this book, like what kind of books

1089
01:08:32.279 --> 01:08:34.680
do you like to read?

1090
01:08:34.680 --> 01:08:39.920
And then I started talking about Jackie's program, like, you know, and I was looking

1091
01:08:39.920 --> 01:08:45.960
for Jackie's like one of Jackie's books, you know, and that's how I got, you know, to start

1092
01:08:45.960 --> 01:08:50.920
telling this guy about, you know, the program that I was in, like little small talk, little,

1093
01:08:50.920 --> 01:08:55.560
you know, organically came up about my, my faith and all that kind of stuff.

1094
01:08:55.560 --> 01:08:57.880
So there's ways of doing that.

1095
01:08:57.880 --> 01:08:59.080
All right.

1096
01:08:59.080 --> 01:09:02.880
I've got Liz, Stacy, Ashley, Caitlin, and then Stephanie's back.

1097
01:09:02.880 --> 01:09:03.880
Awesome.

1098
01:09:04.080 --> 01:09:05.080
Okay.

1099
01:09:05.080 --> 01:09:07.080
Liz, what you got?

1100
01:09:07.080 --> 01:09:13.680
Hey, so my question is, at this point in my dating process, there's a guy I've been seeing

1101
01:09:13.680 --> 01:09:20.240
for like about eight, about nine dates at this point and yeah, and you had given me

1102
01:09:20.240 --> 01:09:24.160
some really good advice, which was to kind of ask him, like, what's his level of attraction?

1103
01:09:24.160 --> 01:09:28.760
Cause he hasn't been overtly showing like, like he's been consistent in how he's showing

1104
01:09:28.760 --> 01:09:32.080
up, but not like making any romantic gestures.

1105
01:09:32.279 --> 01:09:36.880
I wasn't sure, like, is he really into me romantically or he just enjoys my company?

1106
01:09:36.880 --> 01:09:38.680
So that was really good advice.

1107
01:09:38.680 --> 01:09:43.680
I haven't had a chance to have that conversation with him because I just got back from Africa

1108
01:09:43.680 --> 01:09:46.920
and then he is leaving on a trip this week.

1109
01:09:46.920 --> 01:09:48.240
And then I also had a surgery.

1110
01:09:48.240 --> 01:09:51.880
So it was just like really crazy couple of weeks scheduling wise.

1111
01:09:51.880 --> 01:09:55.840
So he's been really busy and then I've been in recovery.

1112
01:09:55.840 --> 01:09:58.200
So yeah, we haven't had that conversation.

1113
01:09:58.200 --> 01:10:00.040
He's gone for the next like two and a half.

1114
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.140
weeks. Okay. I haven't been talking to anyone else recently

1115
01:10:04.140 --> 01:10:07.400
because I was overseas. And like, you know, there's been

1116
01:10:07.400 --> 01:10:10.240
stuff going on my world. So my question was, you know, at this

1117
01:10:10.240 --> 01:10:13.860
juncture, should I be going back on the apps and trying to

1118
01:10:13.860 --> 01:10:17.960
connect with some more people? Or kind of wait till he gets

1119
01:10:17.960 --> 01:10:21.160
back and see like, you know, what do you what do you what do

1120
01:10:21.160 --> 01:10:25.880
you feel comfortable doing? Um, I mean, I really like this guy.

1121
01:10:25.880 --> 01:10:30.320
And we've spent quite a bit of time at this point. And if he

1122
01:10:30.320 --> 01:10:34.320
is interested to move forward, I'm like, I'm agreeing. Like,

1123
01:10:34.320 --> 01:10:37.720
it's been nothing but green lights with him. I'd have the

1124
01:10:37.720 --> 01:10:43.920
ambiguity of like, if he Yeah, it I don't know, outside of the

1125
01:10:43.920 --> 01:10:51.080
ambiguity. Um, but I also, and this comes from like, my

1126
01:10:51.080 --> 01:10:56.120
history, but I've burned myself with waiting around for people

1127
01:10:56.120 --> 01:11:00.520
that like, okay, weren't really interested to make that kind of

1128
01:11:02.000 --> 01:11:05.280
only say, I mean, commitment, yes. But like, yeah, waiting

1129
01:11:05.280 --> 01:11:09.960
around for people that like, they weren't really wanting to

1130
01:11:09.960 --> 01:11:14.680
be with me like that. And so part of me wants to, you know,

1131
01:11:14.760 --> 01:11:17.840
just go back on the apps and connect with some people to like,

1132
01:11:18.400 --> 01:11:20.640
remind myself there's other people out there. And if it

1133
01:11:20.640 --> 01:11:23.760
doesn't work out with this guy, then there's some other irons

1134
01:11:23.760 --> 01:11:29.000
in the fire, like connections with other people, maybe. But I

1135
01:11:29.000 --> 01:11:31.000
don't know if like, is that a good idea? This point? Is that

1136
01:11:31.000 --> 01:11:33.800
me just trying to like, evade my anxiety?

1137
01:11:35.320 --> 01:11:37.240
I think you're the only one that's gonna be able to answer

1138
01:11:37.240 --> 01:11:40.440
that. I think, you know, I want like our whole purpose here at

1139
01:11:40.440 --> 01:11:43.200
last year single is to help you ladies building confidence in

1140
01:11:43.200 --> 01:11:47.840
your decision making as well. And I think you know, it is, I

1141
01:11:47.840 --> 01:11:51.120
think it's probably, there's probably a reason that some of

1142
01:11:51.120 --> 01:11:54.400
this is surfacing, you know, because like you said, you have

1143
01:11:54.400 --> 01:11:58.320
some anxiety with, you know, in the past feeling like you've

1144
01:11:58.320 --> 01:12:01.720
been burned before, because you've been waiting around. And

1145
01:12:01.720 --> 01:12:05.480
so it could be possible that now this this fear is coming in,

1146
01:12:05.480 --> 01:12:07.640
because you haven't, you haven't been able to have the

1147
01:12:07.640 --> 01:12:10.800
conversation with this guy. Yeah, what this is gonna look

1148
01:12:10.800 --> 01:12:13.080
like. And I think that's probably what's starting to

1149
01:12:13.080 --> 01:12:15.960
surface is that there's some fear. It sounds like there's

1150
01:12:15.960 --> 01:12:20.440
some fear that now you've got to wait, what if this guy isn't

1151
01:12:20.440 --> 01:12:23.680
interested? What if he isn't attractive, and now I'm getting

1152
01:12:23.680 --> 01:12:27.560
fearful. And so I think this is just starting to reveal and

1153
01:12:27.560 --> 01:12:31.000
you've got some feelings that are invested in this now you've

1154
01:12:31.000 --> 01:12:34.880
spent some time getting to know him. And so I think this is just

1155
01:12:34.880 --> 01:12:40.800
possibly being highlighted as a field of fields to heal the

1156
01:12:40.800 --> 01:12:45.680
fields. Right? So spend time with the Lord and ask like,

1157
01:12:45.680 --> 01:12:48.440
where's this feeling come from? What are these feelings being

1158
01:12:48.440 --> 01:12:52.200
attached to? What am I believing with this? I think that's

1159
01:12:52.200 --> 01:12:56.320
probably the bigger question is, you have some fear because you

1160
01:12:56.320 --> 01:13:01.680
don't know where you stand with this person. Yeah. What what's

1161
01:13:01.680 --> 01:13:06.760
the motive for you going on the apps and getting to know more

1162
01:13:06.760 --> 01:13:10.920
people? Or what's the motive for you not going on the apps and

1163
01:13:10.920 --> 01:13:15.680
getting to know people? And then spending some time with

1164
01:13:15.680 --> 01:13:20.800
those two questions? What's my motive in both of these possible

1165
01:13:20.800 --> 01:13:26.600
decisions? And which one is God speaking to you? And what is he

1166
01:13:26.600 --> 01:13:30.000
calling you to do in this decision making process and

1167
01:13:30.000 --> 01:13:37.360
being confident in making a decision for yourself? And then

1168
01:13:37.600 --> 01:13:40.640
and being okay with it, you know, and again, I can't stress

1169
01:13:40.640 --> 01:13:44.040
enough that when we spend time with the Lord about some of our

1170
01:13:44.040 --> 01:13:49.720
decisions and what to do. Yeah. If we make a poor decision, does

1171
01:13:49.720 --> 01:13:54.840
our father not love us enough to give us a GPS system where he's

1172
01:13:54.840 --> 01:13:59.760
like, hey, take a different route. He'll reveal that he

1173
01:14:00.000 --> 01:14:07.760
does. I love using the whole like GPS for for God and what

1174
01:14:07.800 --> 01:14:12.200
what happens, you know, we're on a different route. He, he'll

1175
01:14:12.200 --> 01:14:16.320
help us. We have free will he gave us this gift of free will

1176
01:14:16.320 --> 01:14:20.120
do you not think that he knew by giving us this gift of free

1177
01:14:20.120 --> 01:14:23.360
will that we weren't going to need to still lean on him. And

1178
01:14:23.360 --> 01:14:27.200
he wasn't going to help us and guide us and direct us and take

1179
01:14:27.200 --> 01:14:30.960
a different path when we maybe veer off course. And sometimes

1180
01:14:30.960 --> 01:14:34.160
it's like, he'll hit he wants us to veer off that course, because

1181
01:14:34.160 --> 01:14:37.720
there's some revelation in that there's some process in that.

1182
01:14:39.400 --> 01:14:43.400
No. And so I would spend time, like I said, spend time with

1183
01:14:43.400 --> 01:14:48.200
those two questions. What's my motive in going and dating on

1184
01:14:48.200 --> 01:14:53.080
these apps? What's my motive and not? Okay, and follow the piece

1185
01:14:53.080 --> 01:14:56.880
and see what he reveals to you and be and be confident and know

1186
01:14:57.200 --> 01:15:00.040
whatever decision you're gonna make.

1187
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.920
He's with you in all of it.

1188
01:15:01.920 --> 01:15:02.920
Okay.

1189
01:15:02.920 --> 01:15:04.400
You can't mess anything up.

1190
01:15:04.400 --> 01:15:05.400
You really can't.

1191
01:15:05.400 --> 01:15:10.840
Especially when you're in, when you're in alignment with him and you're processing things

1192
01:15:10.840 --> 01:15:19.400
with him and you're spending time with him, like it's so, so valuable.

1193
01:15:19.400 --> 01:15:21.280
So let us know what you decide.

1194
01:15:21.280 --> 01:15:22.280
Spend some time with it.

1195
01:15:22.280 --> 01:15:23.280
Okay.

1196
01:15:23.280 --> 01:15:24.280
I don't want you to make a knee-jerk reaction.

1197
01:15:24.280 --> 01:15:25.280
But spend some time with it.

1198
01:15:25.280 --> 01:15:26.280
Okay.

1199
01:15:26.280 --> 01:15:27.280
See what gets revealed.

1200
01:15:27.280 --> 01:15:28.280
Feel the feels.

1201
01:15:28.280 --> 01:15:29.280
Feel the feels.

1202
01:15:29.280 --> 01:15:30.280
Okay.

1203
01:15:30.280 --> 01:15:31.280
All right.

1204
01:15:31.280 --> 01:15:32.280
That's good.

1205
01:15:32.280 --> 01:15:33.280
Thank you, Carla.

1206
01:15:33.280 --> 01:15:34.280
Creative.

1207
01:15:34.280 --> 01:15:35.280
You're welcome, Liz.

1208
01:15:35.280 --> 01:15:36.280
Thank you.

1209
01:15:36.280 --> 01:15:37.280
All right.

1210
01:15:37.280 --> 01:15:38.280
Stacy.

1211
01:15:38.280 --> 01:15:45.280
My question really is, I'm, you know, just getting started on all this and I haven't

1212
01:15:45.280 --> 01:15:51.160
gotten very far into the videos and stuff, so, but I have gotten back on online dating

1213
01:15:51.160 --> 01:15:58.560
and it's just kind of overwhelming, I feel like at this point.

1214
01:15:58.560 --> 01:16:04.400
Is it better to maybe wait a bit and like watch the, get, get a little further into

1215
01:16:04.400 --> 01:16:15.320
phase two into the dating one-on-one and online apps, videos, or I don't know what you recommend.

1216
01:16:15.320 --> 01:16:18.360
What feels overwhelming to you?

1217
01:16:18.360 --> 01:16:26.960
Just like sifting through all the people and there's just a lot of men that they'll like

1218
01:16:26.960 --> 01:16:32.720
reach out and schedule the date and the, or, you know, try to meet up and then they

1219
01:16:32.720 --> 01:16:36.320
don't actually like schedule the day.

1220
01:16:36.320 --> 01:16:41.960
It just kind of feels like a lot to deal with, like when you're still trying to do all the

1221
01:16:41.960 --> 01:16:45.800
learnings and stuff and also try and incorporate.

1222
01:16:45.800 --> 01:16:50.360
And like, there's a lot of, a lot of guys that you talk to, you know, like.

1223
01:16:50.360 --> 01:16:55.080
So let me ask, how often are you jumping on the app?

1224
01:16:55.080 --> 01:16:58.160
How much time are you spending each day on the app?

1225
01:16:58.160 --> 01:17:04.280
I'm trying to just keep it to like a couple minutes at a time.

1226
01:17:04.280 --> 01:17:08.840
You know, like I'm on Facebook dating and it's, it's not the most, it's not the greatest

1227
01:17:08.840 --> 01:17:10.840
as far as like notifications go.

1228
01:17:10.840 --> 01:17:17.240
So like trying to go, if, if like I find a few minutes, then I'll go like look and see

1229
01:17:17.240 --> 01:17:18.920
if I've got any messages.

1230
01:17:18.920 --> 01:17:22.160
How many times a day are you going and spending just a couple minutes?

1231
01:17:22.160 --> 01:17:24.360
Probably like a couple times a day.

1232
01:17:25.080 --> 01:17:33.680
I think to help with it, not feeling overwhelming, I think it's, and I'm just going to speak

1233
01:17:33.680 --> 01:17:35.040
from my experience.

1234
01:17:35.040 --> 01:17:42.880
So I was a very, I mean, I was a single mom, so time was not something I had a lot of.

1235
01:17:42.880 --> 01:17:49.640
And so, and just like you, like I had to really be mindful so that I didn't feel overwhelmed

1236
01:17:49.920 --> 01:17:56.720
and I get, I can relate to that feeling of just, there's so sometimes it's so much, there's

1237
01:17:56.720 --> 01:18:02.480
so many people to talk to and you're just like, how do I navigate this?

1238
01:18:02.480 --> 01:18:09.960
And so things that I did is I limited how often I got on.

1239
01:18:09.960 --> 01:18:13.000
I sometimes would not even get on, on a day.

1240
01:18:13.000 --> 01:18:17.760
So I might pick like three or four days out of the week where I'm like, okay, I'm going

1241
01:18:17.760 --> 01:18:22.840
to spend 30 minutes in the morning to maybe get on.

1242
01:18:22.840 --> 01:18:27.000
And then I'm going to spend maybe an hour right before bed or something like that and

1243
01:18:27.000 --> 01:18:28.000
get on.

1244
01:18:28.000 --> 01:18:35.280
Then if I was having conversations with people, I would not typically have more than two or

1245
01:18:35.280 --> 01:18:39.000
three people that I was having conversations with.

1246
01:18:39.000 --> 01:18:46.720
Because if I had like a long list of like 10 people to talk to, that gets overwhelming.

1247
01:18:46.720 --> 01:18:53.200
And what can happen is you forget who you're talking to and what you know about them, what

1248
01:18:53.200 --> 01:18:54.200
you learned about them.

1249
01:18:54.200 --> 01:19:00.160
And you're like, wait, is this the person that has two kids and lives in this area?

1250
01:19:00.160 --> 01:19:04.560
Or is, or is this the person that works for this pharmaceutical rat?

1251
01:19:04.560 --> 01:19:10.160
Like you start forgetting like who is who.

1252
01:19:10.160 --> 01:19:17.120
So if you limit how many people you talk to, if you're talking to two or three people,

1253
01:19:17.120 --> 01:19:21.480
and then you don't entertain any new people in that while you're spending time talking

1254
01:19:21.480 --> 01:19:27.240
to two or three people, and then when one or two of those two or three people might

1255
01:19:27.240 --> 01:19:32.600
fall off, then you pick up another one, you replace it.

1256
01:19:32.600 --> 01:19:41.080
And then, again, if guys are wanting to initiate a date, and then they don't follow through,

1257
01:19:41.080 --> 01:19:43.960
I say give them an opportunity.

1258
01:19:43.960 --> 01:19:49.600
Don't be afraid to reach out and say, hey, what are your thoughts about meeting on this

1259
01:19:49.600 --> 01:19:51.320
day and this day?

1260
01:19:51.320 --> 01:19:55.760
So if guys are setting up and saying, hey, I want to get to know you, I want to go out

1261
01:19:55.760 --> 01:19:57.280
on a date.

1262
01:19:57.280 --> 01:19:58.600
What is your response to them?

1263
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.600
I mean, I'm always open to that.

1264
01:20:01.600 --> 01:20:06.040
And a lot of times it is like, yeah, we talk about a day

1265
01:20:06.040 --> 01:20:07.760
and we figure that out.

1266
01:20:07.760 --> 01:20:10.520
But then they kind of stop.

1267
01:20:10.520 --> 01:20:15.840
And it's like they don't get to sit in the place and time.

1268
01:20:15.840 --> 01:20:19.240
So I would encourage you to then throw out

1269
01:20:19.240 --> 01:20:24.080
some ideas and some places to go and some times to go.

1270
01:20:24.080 --> 01:20:29.080
I always like to use this rule of giving two options.

1271
01:20:29.160 --> 01:20:30.880
Find two options that work for you.

1272
01:20:30.880 --> 01:20:33.880
So if you're like, OK, hey, are you free Saturday?

1273
01:20:33.880 --> 01:20:34.880
Yeah, I'm free Saturday.

1274
01:20:34.880 --> 01:20:35.520
Awesome.

1275
01:20:35.520 --> 01:20:36.560
We should get together.

1276
01:20:36.560 --> 01:20:38.800
OK, cool.

1277
01:20:38.800 --> 01:20:41.000
Do you see how sometimes guys are like,

1278
01:20:41.000 --> 01:20:42.960
is she really wanting to go on a date or not?

1279
01:20:42.960 --> 01:20:46.840
So just be like, hey, on Saturday, I have,

1280
01:20:46.840 --> 01:20:49.640
I can meet at 12 o'clock or I can meet at 3 o'clock.

1281
01:20:49.640 --> 01:20:52.720
Would either of those times work for you?

1282
01:20:52.720 --> 01:20:54.720
And then if they give you like, yeah, 3 o'clock

1283
01:20:54.720 --> 01:20:56.240
sounds great, perfect.

1284
01:20:56.240 --> 01:21:02.480
So I really love this public park.

1285
01:21:02.480 --> 01:21:03.880
That's really, really cool.

1286
01:21:03.880 --> 01:21:06.120
We could always take a walk there.

1287
01:21:06.120 --> 01:21:11.880
Or there's this arcade that is really fun

1288
01:21:11.880 --> 01:21:16.160
and has like, let's say, axe throwing that I thought

1289
01:21:16.160 --> 01:21:18.160
would be really cool to try out one time.

1290
01:21:18.160 --> 01:21:21.640
So we can either go for this walk

1291
01:21:21.640 --> 01:21:23.680
or would you want to go to this arcade

1292
01:21:23.680 --> 01:21:26.000
and do some axe throwing at 3 o'clock?

1293
01:21:26.880 --> 01:21:29.840
Which one do you think sounds more fun for you?

1294
01:21:29.840 --> 01:21:31.360
And then they give you a response.

1295
01:21:31.360 --> 01:21:31.880
Awesome.

1296
01:21:31.880 --> 01:21:35.760
So 3 o'clock at the arcade.

1297
01:21:35.760 --> 01:21:37.960
And then do you have ways of communicating?

1298
01:21:37.960 --> 01:21:42.520
Like maybe give them a Google Voice number or awesome.

1299
01:21:42.520 --> 01:21:50.160
Just reach back out to me right before to confirm.

1300
01:21:50.160 --> 01:21:52.200
And then go from there.

1301
01:21:52.200 --> 01:21:55.440
Sometimes the guys need a little extra push

1302
01:21:55.440 --> 01:21:58.360
because sometimes guys have been rejected in the past

1303
01:21:58.360 --> 01:22:00.880
and they don't know how serious women are.

1304
01:22:00.880 --> 01:22:02.520
We never know.

1305
01:22:02.520 --> 01:22:04.840
So it's OK, ladies, to drop the hanky.

1306
01:22:04.840 --> 01:22:09.080
It's OK to offer and give ideas for a first date.

1307
01:22:09.080 --> 01:22:10.320
Jackie says this often.

1308
01:22:10.320 --> 01:22:16.000
Do not be afraid to help plan a date.

1309
01:22:16.000 --> 01:22:17.320
Don't be afraid to do that.

1310
01:22:17.320 --> 01:22:19.760
I have to help plan my, like I have still

1311
01:22:19.760 --> 01:22:23.200
helped my husband plan dates.

1312
01:22:23.200 --> 01:22:25.000
And a lot of times he's like, he'll

1313
01:22:25.040 --> 01:22:26.880
say it's because I'm very indecisive.

1314
01:22:26.880 --> 01:22:28.880
So he's like, I don't know where you want to go.

1315
01:22:28.880 --> 01:22:31.440
You've got to tell me where you want to go.

1316
01:22:31.440 --> 01:22:32.960
So I would encourage that.

1317
01:22:32.960 --> 01:22:35.120
The only thing that we say is after that first date,

1318
01:22:35.120 --> 01:22:38.080
you want the guy to initiate the second date.

1319
01:22:38.080 --> 01:22:42.000
But it doesn't mean that we can't offer up ideas.

1320
01:22:42.000 --> 01:22:45.560
We want the guy on the second or third and the third date

1321
01:22:45.560 --> 01:22:48.120
to say, hey, I really had fun.

1322
01:22:48.120 --> 01:22:49.000
Let's go do this.

1323
01:22:49.000 --> 01:22:52.440
But you also have to make sure you ladies are communicating,

1324
01:22:52.480 --> 01:22:55.520
I'm interested in a second or third date with you.

1325
01:22:55.520 --> 01:22:57.480
I would really like to get that on the calendar.

1326
01:22:57.480 --> 01:23:00.200
Let me know what days work for you.

1327
01:23:00.200 --> 01:23:02.920
And then let them initiate it.

1328
01:23:02.920 --> 01:23:05.240
Let them show that they are interested in meeting you

1329
01:23:05.240 --> 01:23:06.760
again.

1330
01:23:06.760 --> 01:23:12.240
Does that help kind of give you some tips and tools

1331
01:23:12.240 --> 01:23:16.160
to navigate the overwhelming feeling of online dating?

1332
01:23:16.160 --> 01:23:19.480
And guys saying they want to hang out but not,

1333
01:23:19.480 --> 01:23:21.880
then they don't really follow through.

1334
01:23:21.880 --> 01:23:27.520
Try that and let's see if you get some different responses.

1335
01:23:27.520 --> 01:23:28.400
Sound good?

1336
01:23:28.400 --> 01:23:29.360
Yeah, that sounds good.

1337
01:23:29.360 --> 01:23:29.880
Thank you.

1338
01:23:29.880 --> 01:23:30.400
Awesome.

1339
01:23:30.400 --> 01:23:31.440
OK.

1340
01:23:31.440 --> 01:23:33.400
Ashley, you are in Dallas.

1341
01:23:33.400 --> 01:23:36.200
You're in the same area that I live.

1342
01:23:36.200 --> 01:23:38.840
Hi.

1343
01:23:38.840 --> 01:23:40.760
OK, I'll give you a second.

1344
01:23:40.760 --> 01:23:42.400
We're coming up on time here.

1345
01:23:42.400 --> 01:23:46.280
So Caitlin and Stephanie, I'm going to make the space for you.

1346
01:23:46.280 --> 01:23:47.600
I know we're getting late.

1347
01:23:47.600 --> 01:23:49.640
Ladies, if you have to jump off, feel free.

1348
01:23:49.640 --> 01:23:50.960
You can jump off.

1349
01:23:50.960 --> 01:23:53.120
This one will be in replay.

1350
01:23:53.120 --> 01:23:56.000
I do want to try to wrap this up in the next 10 minutes.

1351
01:23:56.000 --> 01:23:59.160
So let's make sure that we're short, brief, and powerful.

1352
01:23:59.160 --> 01:24:02.600
And I will do the same thing, OK?

1353
01:24:02.600 --> 01:24:04.400
All right, Ashley, you ready?

1354
01:24:04.400 --> 01:24:07.360
So I feel like my question kind of probably

1355
01:24:07.360 --> 01:24:08.480
has already been answered.

1356
01:24:08.480 --> 01:24:13.560
But I also want to make sure I'm showing up for myself

1357
01:24:13.560 --> 01:24:16.400
instead of just, oh, it's fine, it's fine.

1358
01:24:16.400 --> 01:24:20.280
It has been very helpful hearing about online dating

1359
01:24:20.320 --> 01:24:22.320
because, so I'm 37.

1360
01:24:22.320 --> 01:24:26.240
I've never really, I've dated here and there,

1361
01:24:26.240 --> 01:24:29.080
not really anything serious, never anything longer

1362
01:24:29.080 --> 01:24:30.600
than a few dates.

1363
01:24:33.240 --> 01:24:36.280
And so all of this feels like, I'm like, I'm 37.

1364
01:24:36.280 --> 01:24:40.680
It shouldn't be intimidating, but it is.

1365
01:24:40.680 --> 01:24:44.960
I was that age, too, when I was joining the program.

1366
01:24:44.960 --> 01:24:45.920
And it can be.

1367
01:24:45.920 --> 01:24:47.560
I get it.

1368
01:24:47.600 --> 01:24:50.240
Well, and I'm in ministry.

1369
01:24:50.240 --> 01:24:54.800
And so the small talk doesn't feel in the grand,

1370
01:24:54.800 --> 01:24:56.560
like out and about, and the world

1371
01:24:56.560 --> 01:24:58.040
doesn't feel all that big of a deal.

1372
01:24:58.040 --> 01:25:00.920
But the one-on-one kind of feels.

1373
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:15.600
I don't like it. I'm on an app and I don't like it. I don't like the feeling of it. It

1374
01:25:15.600 --> 01:25:18.800
feels super oogie and like slimy to me.

1375
01:25:18.800 --> 01:25:24.120
Where does that come from? What brings that?

1376
01:25:24.280 --> 01:25:31.240
Just the thought of or the feeling of judging people based on what they put on the profile,

1377
01:25:31.240 --> 01:25:35.320
because not only are you doing that to them, but they're in reverse or doing it to you.

1378
01:25:39.720 --> 01:25:46.120
I realize not every person out there is going to think I'm amazing. It's not like I

1379
01:25:46.680 --> 01:25:51.880
think that or think that they're judging me on my looks or anything like that, but it just feels

1380
01:25:54.120 --> 01:25:56.120
like, I don't know.

1381
01:25:56.120 --> 01:26:05.080
I can see that, but I think, again, what are we aligning with on this belief that we're judging people?

1382
01:26:06.040 --> 01:26:09.640
I mean, you can be judging people when you're walking on the street and you're getting to

1383
01:26:09.640 --> 01:26:13.720
know people. You're going to have responses. There's going to be thoughts that when

1384
01:26:13.720 --> 01:26:18.760
you're seeing people on the street or on an app that you're going to draw some assumptions to.

1385
01:26:19.240 --> 01:26:27.000
I mean, a few weeks ago, and some of you ladies might remember this.

1386
01:26:27.000 --> 01:26:33.160
Ashley, you just came in phase two, right? I've been in maybe a week or two, but

1387
01:26:34.520 --> 01:26:36.920
life's been busy. Life's been crazy, so I'm not quite.

1388
01:26:36.920 --> 01:26:42.200
No, that's fine. I'm just asking because a few weeks ago, I activated you ladies.

1389
01:26:42.920 --> 01:26:48.200
When you are interacting with people, everybody, everybody that you come across,

1390
01:26:49.000 --> 01:26:59.400
I wanted you ladies to start find anybody, whether it was a man, woman, child, young,

1391
01:26:59.400 --> 01:27:05.000
old, whatever, anybody that you had interactions with, I wanted you to find something attractive

1392
01:27:05.000 --> 01:27:14.520
about them. Not like a physical attraction, but what things did you see in somebody that drew you

1393
01:27:15.320 --> 01:27:20.440
to be like, wow, I want to know more about them, or I really like this about them.

1394
01:27:20.440 --> 01:27:30.120
I'm so attracted to that because we do that. When I did this activation, I was a teacher

1395
01:27:30.120 --> 01:27:36.600
and I've taught little kids. When I would do this, I would recognize the tender hearted

1396
01:27:36.600 --> 01:27:42.600
heartness of some of these children, or the joy that they'd have, the excitement,

1397
01:27:43.800 --> 01:27:50.600
the wanting to care for their other classmates. I'm like, wow, what beautiful characteristics

1398
01:27:50.600 --> 01:28:03.000
about somebody. I would encourage you to spend some time and process through what about

1399
01:28:04.360 --> 01:28:09.960
getting to know someone, especially when you meet people, whether it's online or in person,

1400
01:28:11.400 --> 01:28:16.760
do you tend to find things about them that you're like, wow, I really think that's really awesome

1401
01:28:16.760 --> 01:28:26.440
about them? Because it's the same thing. We got to work on what are we believing about judgment?

1402
01:28:26.440 --> 01:28:35.560
Where does that come from? Because I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing unless we

1403
01:28:35.560 --> 01:28:41.960
really are being overly critical. Sometimes what that can look like is if we don't have a strong

1404
01:28:41.960 --> 01:28:49.160
sense of our own identity, and if we don't think highly of ourselves, then it could possibly feel

1405
01:28:49.160 --> 01:28:57.160
negative. I would spend some time processing through like, why am I feeling that online

1406
01:28:57.160 --> 01:29:06.520
dating is icky and yucky because it's judgment? I would even encourage you when you're

1407
01:29:06.520 --> 01:29:13.400
looking at that stuff, try to find gold. What characteristics and qualities are you attracted

1408
01:29:13.400 --> 01:29:20.760
to? Do you like that? You want to get to know a person, whether it's online or not.

1409
01:29:22.440 --> 01:29:29.160
How do you feel about that? Yeah, that's, I understand that. I'll think about it. I think

1410
01:29:29.160 --> 01:29:35.880
one of the other things is like in the past, in the very, very few relationships or not even

1411
01:29:35.960 --> 01:29:43.320
relationships, interactions I've had in that sense, I've always been the one to try and make

1412
01:29:43.320 --> 01:29:53.800
it happen and overdo it. I guess I'm kind of leery of doing that again because I don't,

1413
01:29:54.680 --> 01:29:59.880
I want to be the found wife. I want to be the pursued person. I know I'm worthy of that.

1414
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:07.320
Um, so that probably comes from some ministry stuff of, that I need to process of making

1415
01:30:07.320 --> 01:30:12.400
some time and just, again, like this is, this is when you start dating, it's, it's about

1416
01:30:12.400 --> 01:30:13.400
pacing.

1417
01:30:13.400 --> 01:30:14.800
It's about the process.

1418
01:30:14.800 --> 01:30:15.800
It really is.

1419
01:30:15.800 --> 01:30:21.280
I mean, again, like you're going to have to reciprocate things, but again, like come into

1420
01:30:21.280 --> 01:30:23.920
community, share with us what interactions you're seeing.

1421
01:30:23.920 --> 01:30:29.080
And as that, as you spend more time in this phase and you're interacting and you're sharing

1422
01:30:29.080 --> 01:30:33.760
with us, like what you're experiencing on dates or what's surfacing and coming up, we're

1423
01:30:33.760 --> 01:30:36.800
going to be able to help you process and work through that.

1424
01:30:36.800 --> 01:30:43.480
And so you'll start seeing like, okay, like here's something that happened and this is

1425
01:30:43.480 --> 01:30:50.000
my old self wants to do this, but this is like, we're going to help you navigate that

1426
01:30:50.000 --> 01:30:51.000
is what I'm saying.

1427
01:30:51.000 --> 01:30:52.000
Does that help?

1428
01:30:52.000 --> 01:30:56.900
Like the, again, you're, you're in this, you've been in this phase for a week and a half,

1429
01:30:56.900 --> 01:30:58.980
so it's, you don't have to rush through it.

1430
01:30:58.980 --> 01:31:03.380
Like it's a process, you know, you're going to spend time, you're going to learn each

1431
01:31:03.380 --> 01:31:07.380
week, you're going to learn more information and it's just going to start unlocking so

1432
01:31:07.380 --> 01:31:08.380
much.

1433
01:31:08.380 --> 01:31:11.580
So don't feel like you have to have all the answers to all the dating stuff right away.

1434
01:31:11.580 --> 01:31:14.980
I think a lot of the ladies that are even on this call right now, we'll, we'll, we'll

1435
01:31:14.980 --> 01:31:17.060
testify to that.

1436
01:31:17.060 --> 01:31:21.620
Like it really is walking through the process and it's going to be trying some new things,

1437
01:31:21.620 --> 01:31:23.820
doing things a little differently.

1438
01:31:23.820 --> 01:31:25.540
You're going to have certain feelings about things.

1439
01:31:25.540 --> 01:31:30.380
And again, we say, feel the fields to heal the fields, you know, heartwork never stops.

1440
01:31:30.380 --> 01:31:31.380
All right.

1441
01:31:31.380 --> 01:31:35.380
We're, even though we're out of phase one, we're out of the heartwork phase, heartwork

1442
01:31:35.380 --> 01:31:36.380
still continues.

1443
01:31:36.380 --> 01:31:42.180
Heartwork continues in dating, heartwork continues in relationship and ladies heartwork continues

1444
01:31:42.180 --> 01:31:43.180
in marriage.

1445
01:31:43.180 --> 01:31:49.420
Let me tell you, like I still have to walk through my own heartwork even in my marriage

1446
01:31:49.420 --> 01:31:50.740
because things are coming up.

1447
01:31:50.740 --> 01:31:55.940
I get certain feelings and emotions and you know, that's just part of, that's part of

1448
01:31:55.940 --> 01:31:56.940
the process.

1449
01:31:56.940 --> 01:32:03.540
So I want you to be encouraged in that, Ashley, if you are not already, like if you're on

1450
01:32:03.540 --> 01:32:08.100
Facebook, make sure you look up single city for Dallas.

1451
01:32:08.100 --> 01:32:17.420
We have a Dallas join that our Dallas single city group, they do a lot of get togethers.

1452
01:32:17.420 --> 01:32:21.140
And so this goes for all of you ladies, like look at the single cities in your area.

1453
01:32:21.140 --> 01:32:25.100
We have some that, you know, have a lot of members and things are going.

1454
01:32:25.100 --> 01:32:28.900
And then we have a few that there's just a few small, but we're, we're, we're really

1455
01:32:28.900 --> 01:32:34.220
trying to get people to start planning events and activities so that you all can start getting

1456
01:32:34.220 --> 01:32:36.380
in community with one another.

1457
01:32:36.380 --> 01:32:43.980
So again, Dallas has, there's at least one event, like every month that I'm getting notifications

1458
01:32:43.980 --> 01:32:44.980
for.

1459
01:32:45.540 --> 01:32:46.940
Do you just go search it?

1460
01:32:46.940 --> 01:32:47.940
Single city Dallas?

1461
01:32:47.940 --> 01:32:48.940
Yeah.

1462
01:32:48.940 --> 01:32:55.460
Put single city Dallas and you'll see, actually there's a link in the resource tab ladies

1463
01:32:55.460 --> 01:33:01.220
of your app, go to that resource tab and you're going to see all of the single cities that

1464
01:33:01.220 --> 01:33:02.620
we have offered.

1465
01:33:02.620 --> 01:33:07.100
And there's going to be a code that when you try to join the single city, it's going to

1466
01:33:07.100 --> 01:33:08.460
ask you for that code.

1467
01:33:08.460 --> 01:33:16.260
You need to type that code in so that our moderators and team that manage the single

1468
01:33:16.260 --> 01:33:20.700
cities are going to see that because we don't let people in to those single cities unless

1469
01:33:20.700 --> 01:33:22.420
they're part of our program.

1470
01:33:22.420 --> 01:33:25.700
And they're not, if we, if they don't have the code, that means they're not part of the

1471
01:33:25.700 --> 01:33:26.700
program.

1472
01:33:26.700 --> 01:33:29.020
If you're in the program, you're going to have the code because we give you access to

1473
01:33:29.020 --> 01:33:31.340
that in the resource tab.

1474
01:33:31.340 --> 01:33:32.340
Okay.

1475
01:33:32.340 --> 01:33:34.300
So definitely check that out.

1476
01:33:34.300 --> 01:33:35.660
That goes for all of you ladies.

1477
01:33:35.660 --> 01:33:36.660
Okay.

1478
01:33:36.660 --> 01:33:39.780
So if you're in the Dallas Fort Worth area or even the Austin area, and I think there's

1479
01:33:39.780 --> 01:33:45.020
maybe even one in Houston or San Antonio, we got, there's some single cities.

1480
01:33:45.020 --> 01:33:46.020
Okay.

1481
01:33:46.020 --> 01:33:51.380
We've got Florida, North Carolina, California, like Los Angeles has one, New York city.

1482
01:33:51.380 --> 01:33:56.380
I mean, we got one, I think even in Indianapolis just started.

1483
01:33:56.380 --> 01:33:57.740
I mean, there's a lot.

1484
01:33:57.740 --> 01:33:58.740
Okay.

1485
01:33:58.740 --> 01:34:01.140
So just definitely link in there.

1486
01:34:01.140 --> 01:34:02.140
Okay.

1487
01:34:02.140 --> 01:34:03.140
All right.

1488
01:34:03.140 --> 01:34:08.780
And Stephanie, Caitlin, I'm going to go with you.

1489
01:34:08.780 --> 01:34:10.340
Hi.

1490
01:34:10.340 --> 01:34:18.700
So, so first of all, last week we talked about kind of like talking back to the devil essentially

1491
01:34:18.700 --> 01:34:20.620
with some lies.

1492
01:34:20.620 --> 01:34:26.100
And so I feel like I've been practicing that the last week and it's been, it's been helpful

1493
01:34:26.100 --> 01:34:32.740
to just like, and I feel attacked with like lies of identity stuff, but I feel like that's

1494
01:34:32.740 --> 01:34:36.620
just an ongoing thing for me, for all of us.

1495
01:34:36.620 --> 01:34:37.620
Yeah.

1496
01:34:37.620 --> 01:34:38.740
So, okay.

1497
01:34:38.740 --> 01:34:44.860
So the question I have, it may actually be a little bit more heart work related, but

1498
01:34:44.860 --> 01:34:53.780
when I'm date, so I'm in a season where I quit my job last year and I'm work, I'm building

1499
01:34:53.780 --> 01:34:56.100
a business slowly.

1500
01:34:56.100 --> 01:35:00.260
I teach music lessons and.

1501
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:07.320
right now I just feel like I'm not like I I feel insecure about my lack of like

1502
01:35:07.320 --> 01:35:12.520
like I don't have like a nine-to-five and I'm not like making a bunch of money

1503
01:35:12.520 --> 01:35:19.760
and I'm having this like I'm wondering I but I still like I want to be dating I

1504
01:35:19.760 --> 01:35:26.040
want to like meet my person and I feel like when I'm looking for a partner I I

1505
01:35:26.040 --> 01:35:31.520
kind of want to find a guy who seems really like stable like financially and

1506
01:35:31.520 --> 01:35:39.920
stuff yeah but I'm not really in that place 100% and I wonder if that's okay

1507
01:35:39.920 --> 01:35:46.320
like if like kind of that's a masculine feminine thing and that's okay or if

1508
01:35:46.320 --> 01:35:52.920
it's like you attract what you are okay yeah so that whole like what you believe

1509
01:35:52.920 --> 01:35:59.600
you become you become you attract yeah yeah okay so I can relate to this

1510
01:35:59.600 --> 01:36:05.520
because I as well like I was a single mom I was financially secure but there

1511
01:36:05.520 --> 01:36:09.360
were times that I felt like when guys learned that and I had an I had an

1512
01:36:09.360 --> 01:36:13.040
education degree like I had a bachelor's degree I was a very intelligent person I

1513
01:36:13.040 --> 01:36:17.400
used to be a school teacher I left that because it was a job I left with school

1514
01:36:17.400 --> 01:36:23.040
teaching yeah and and you know what like it's hard it is that job like oh my

1515
01:36:23.040 --> 01:36:28.960
goodness yeah teaching is such a difficult profession and unless someone's

1516
01:36:28.960 --> 01:36:34.800
in it and and it's experience it like no one really truly understands like I mean

1517
01:36:34.800 --> 01:36:38.520
I even have to sit and explain to my husband now that our kids are in a

1518
01:36:38.520 --> 01:36:42.880
school system he like gets all bent out of shape and I'm like these teachers

1519
01:36:42.880 --> 01:36:48.040
have a lot on their plate and so that's where I was at I had left my teaching

1520
01:36:48.040 --> 01:36:53.760
job and my job was waiting tables like when I was in this program I was waiting

1521
01:36:53.760 --> 01:36:59.160
tables and I I oftentimes again it was an identity thing that I felt like I

1522
01:36:59.160 --> 01:37:06.080
was not worthy because I didn't have a certain job or I found that I was really

1523
01:37:06.080 --> 01:37:12.480
in my head that men I wouldn't recognize when men put on their profiles

1524
01:37:12.480 --> 01:37:15.480
when they were like saying like what are they looking for in a wife they're

1525
01:37:15.480 --> 01:37:23.080
looking for a successful woman yeah that word and that successful woman used to

1526
01:37:23.080 --> 01:37:29.480
really offend me and bother me and obviously being in this program like

1527
01:37:29.480 --> 01:37:35.720
Jackie teaches us if we have offense to something it's a heart issue in our

1528
01:37:35.720 --> 01:37:40.680
self and so I had to spend time with the Lord about that like why am I so

1529
01:37:40.680 --> 01:37:45.800
offended with someone saying that they want a successful woman because I mean I

1530
01:37:45.800 --> 01:37:52.360
would get super super like combative with it like I am successful I'm a

1531
01:37:52.360 --> 01:37:57.160
successful mother I'm a successful friend I'm a successful daughter I have

1532
01:37:57.160 --> 01:38:03.720
amazing relationships with people I am successful and like all these things and

1533
01:38:03.720 --> 01:38:11.560
so I would get really upset because I felt like I was being judged for my

1534
01:38:11.560 --> 01:38:17.640
success but I was projecting that on some of these men when really they

1535
01:38:17.640 --> 01:38:22.640
weren't looking at it like that and so that was something it was it was a

1536
01:38:22.640 --> 01:38:28.160
heartwork thing that I had to really go through and process like well why am I

1537
01:38:28.160 --> 01:38:34.640
upset about that is my husband gonna see me as a successful person absolutely

1538
01:38:34.640 --> 01:38:40.480
like I had that conversation with my husband I said you know yeah sometimes I

1539
01:38:40.480 --> 01:38:44.640
think when men find out that you know I would just wait tables they stopped

1540
01:38:44.640 --> 01:38:54.360
talking to me that happened and instead of looking at it as rejection I started

1541
01:38:54.360 --> 01:38:59.200
looking at it as like you know what I'm so God defended and God's protecting me

1542
01:38:59.200 --> 01:39:06.000
from people not not being able to see the real gold inside me that's not a me

1543
01:39:06.000 --> 01:39:12.280
thing I don't need to pick up that and so it's learning and it's processing

1544
01:39:12.280 --> 01:39:20.160
through like I am valuable I have gold I am successful I don't have to be here

1545
01:39:20.160 --> 01:39:28.440
here here in order to be worthy of a husband and so it's more or less just

1546
01:39:28.440 --> 01:39:34.400
being like my husband like my husband saw me and was like you are very bright

1547
01:39:34.400 --> 01:39:40.600
you are intelligent enough that he trusted me to homeschool his two

1548
01:39:40.600 --> 01:39:47.280
children and then we did it and it didn't work and he didn't judge me for

1549
01:39:47.280 --> 01:39:52.800
it I mean y'all that first year of marriage and then we're blending a

1550
01:39:52.800 --> 01:39:58.920
family and then I was homeschooling three kids let me tell you there was a

1551
01:39:58.920 --> 01:40:01.920
lot of offense like

1552
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.540
like offended, you know, blended rhymes with offended. Right. And

1553
01:40:03.540 --> 01:40:08.240
so my husband and I, we had to sit down and really talk about

1554
01:40:08.240 --> 01:40:12.100
that. But not once I ever feel like my, my husband was like,

1555
01:40:12.100 --> 01:40:15.420
you're a failure. You couldn't homeschool the kids. No, he's

1556
01:40:15.420 --> 01:40:20.940
like, no, God has something else for you. And so I was doing

1557
01:40:20.940 --> 01:40:23.820
this, like I was teaching and coaching while I was also

1558
01:40:23.820 --> 01:40:28.100
homeschooling. And once I could get my kids to school, like, I

1559
01:40:28.100 --> 01:40:32.440
really was able to really flourish in this with with you

1560
01:40:32.440 --> 01:40:40.280
all. And so it's really about looking at the gold in you.

1561
01:40:41.000 --> 01:40:45.640
Yeah. And that you don't like God's not gonna say, Oh, I'm

1562
01:40:46.320 --> 01:40:50.240
sorry, your husband's not coming because you're not successful.

1563
01:40:50.420 --> 01:40:52.760
And you don't have a certain number in your bank account.

1564
01:40:52.760 --> 01:40:55.280
Y'all do you realize that God doesn't really care about how

1565
01:40:55.280 --> 01:40:56.600
much money is in your bank account?

1566
01:40:59.000 --> 01:41:03.680
He really doesn't. He doesn't. That's not where the value is.

1567
01:41:03.680 --> 01:41:06.600
That's not where the worth is that none of that comes. We

1568
01:41:06.600 --> 01:41:12.880
can't take that to heaven with us. Our value doesn't come from

1569
01:41:14.120 --> 01:41:20.440
how many zeros we have in our bank account. Right? Yeah. And

1570
01:41:20.440 --> 01:41:25.920
your husband will see that. Yeah, totally. Like, maybe a

1571
01:41:25.920 --> 01:41:30.620
shallow question that like, is it okay to like, desire to find

1572
01:41:30.620 --> 01:41:31.820
a partner who makes?

1573
01:41:33.060 --> 01:41:35.760
No, I mean, I don't I think is if you're holding and you're

1574
01:41:35.780 --> 01:41:39.020
literally not dating people because they don't have a

1575
01:41:39.020 --> 01:41:44.340
success. Like, again, like, I would question that. But, I

1576
01:41:44.340 --> 01:41:51.000
mean, we're not looking for, oh, someone has like, a stable job.

1577
01:41:51.000 --> 01:41:54.360
And, and, and I'm not going to date someone that doesn't have a

1578
01:41:54.360 --> 01:41:59.280
stable job, you're looking more for potential. Are they do they

1579
01:41:59.280 --> 01:42:02.740
have the three M's? Are they masculine, marriage minded, and

1580
01:42:02.740 --> 01:42:07.540
mature? Someone who has maturity and masculinity that is just

1581
01:42:07.540 --> 01:42:11.660
going to be in their nature. Okay, my husband, obviously,

1582
01:42:11.660 --> 01:42:15.500
when we first got married, he had a very successful job, like

1583
01:42:15.500 --> 01:42:19.740
he worked for a corporation, made really good money. It's why

1584
01:42:19.740 --> 01:42:23.460
he could homeschool his kids. It's why I could get married and

1585
01:42:23.460 --> 01:42:27.540
not have to go into working and I didn't have to work anymore

1586
01:42:27.540 --> 01:42:34.480
and all that. Well, a few months after we got married, there was

1587
01:42:34.480 --> 01:42:39.360
a shift. And God was pulling him away from his corporate job to

1588
01:42:39.360 --> 01:42:46.280
step out on his own. And so our financial situation was not the

1589
01:42:46.280 --> 01:42:52.060
same. And so you know, ladies that when you get in a marriage,

1590
01:42:53.140 --> 01:42:58.580
that security can change in finances. So like, we don't

1591
01:42:58.580 --> 01:43:01.500
always want to hold tight to that because you never know

1592
01:43:01.500 --> 01:43:06.420
what's going to happen. And so it's more or less to do they

1593
01:43:06.420 --> 01:43:12.500
have potential. Like I've seen my husband really, like have to

1594
01:43:12.520 --> 01:43:18.880
rise to the occasion occasion. Because he does take seriously

1595
01:43:18.880 --> 01:43:23.840
providing for me and our kids. You know, and growing in that

1596
01:43:23.840 --> 01:43:27.260
and stepping into you know, what God wants to do in his life in

1597
01:43:27.260 --> 01:43:31.700
our life, and in starting a business and him going out on

1598
01:43:31.700 --> 01:43:37.940
his own like, you're looking at the potential. Okay, and that's

1599
01:43:37.940 --> 01:43:41.360
why I say like, you ladies, you might find some men and some

1600
01:43:41.360 --> 01:43:45.800
really like tough financial situations. And it's not about

1601
01:43:45.800 --> 01:43:48.900
them being like, maybe they're in a lot of debt, but it's not

1602
01:43:48.900 --> 01:43:53.940
about the fact that they have debt. What are they doing to get

1603
01:43:53.940 --> 01:43:58.540
themselves out of it? Are you seeing them work at that? It's

1604
01:43:58.540 --> 01:44:03.940
about that process? Like, are they being careless still? Or

1605
01:44:03.940 --> 01:44:06.580
are they rising to the occasion? Now again, ladies, when you're

1606
01:44:06.980 --> 01:44:10.820
in early levels, the early level two of dating, you're not going

1607
01:44:10.820 --> 01:44:13.240
to know their financial status, you shouldn't know their

1608
01:44:13.240 --> 01:44:16.480
financial status, okay, that they shouldn't know your

1609
01:44:16.480 --> 01:44:19.520
financial status that early on, okay. But as you start getting

1610
01:44:19.520 --> 01:44:21.680
to know somebody, and you're growing in relationship, and

1611
01:44:21.680 --> 01:44:26.900
maybe you're pushing forward to a more serious level two, and

1612
01:44:26.900 --> 01:44:30.120
then you get into a level three committed relationship, some of

1613
01:44:30.120 --> 01:44:34.040
that stuff might start surfacing. And that's fine. But

1614
01:44:34.040 --> 01:44:38.600
you know, what potential do you see in them? Are they motivated?

1615
01:44:39.060 --> 01:44:43.300
Are they goal oriented? Do they have dreams and aspirations?

1616
01:44:43.300 --> 01:44:45.540
Like, what are their dreams? And what are they doing to

1617
01:44:45.540 --> 01:44:48.220
accomplish those dreams? Those are the questions that you want

1618
01:44:48.220 --> 01:44:51.660
to ask? Hey, like, what's something that you're really

1619
01:44:51.660 --> 01:44:54.860
passionate about? You know, do you have any dreams or

1620
01:44:54.860 --> 01:44:59.720
aspirations? What's that look like? Awesome. Like, you want to

1621
01:44:59.720 --> 01:45:00.020
be able

1622
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:04.240
Travel the world like what kinds of things are you doing now to put yourself in a position to be able to do that?

1623
01:45:05.920 --> 01:45:09.120
Like those are good questions as you're getting to know people

1624
01:45:10.160 --> 01:45:12.000
Yeah, that's really good

1625
01:45:12.000 --> 01:45:16.080
Does that help this is really good? I have to run off to a class right now

1626
01:45:16.160 --> 01:45:21.120
That's good because i'm going way over time and jackie's gonna beat me for it

1627
01:45:22.400 --> 01:45:27.440
Because i'm really always supposed to be keeping these at 75 minutes and I definitely have gone way over

1628
01:45:27.920 --> 01:45:30.640
But I think we've got a lot of good stuff that we've uncovered

1629
01:45:31.520 --> 01:45:37.040
So you're good. Thank you. Caitlin. All right, stephanie. I'm, so glad you were able to come back on. No, no

1630
01:45:38.240 --> 01:45:40.240
No, ask ask your question

1631
01:45:41.280 --> 01:45:43.360
I'm gonna whisper because my son is here

1632
01:45:44.160 --> 01:45:46.160
Okay

1633
01:45:46.640 --> 01:45:53.200
So there's this guy that i'm talking to online, um through the app right for some times he so

1634
01:45:53.920 --> 01:45:55.920
I this I met him before

1635
01:45:56.800 --> 01:46:00.960
On the app before I started this class and then so I took a break when I went back

1636
01:46:01.040 --> 01:46:04.160
He was the only one that remained in my box

1637
01:46:04.640 --> 01:46:07.120
So I was I I joined the hanky did all of that

1638
01:46:07.520 --> 01:46:10.720
And I told him I say we'd like to get to know each other but he said yes

1639
01:46:11.280 --> 01:46:14.000
But then he would respond to like three days after

1640
01:46:14.720 --> 01:46:20.080
And then but it is the conversation is like something like two days after you will respond to you

1641
01:46:20.160 --> 01:46:22.400
So like I asked him yesterday. Hey

1642
01:46:22.960 --> 01:46:28.720
Do you want to spend time? Um on zoom, you know get like, you know, because he didn't want to give out his number. He's very

1643
01:46:29.440 --> 01:46:33.200
Private about that, right? So that's what I wanted to yeah, okay

1644
01:46:34.080 --> 01:46:36.080
okay, so

1645
01:46:36.400 --> 01:46:40.960
Don't hold him to the fact that he hasn't responded after two or three days because ladies

1646
01:46:41.280 --> 01:46:43.360
Some of the ladies in here when they're on the apps

1647
01:46:43.920 --> 01:46:45.600
um

1648
01:46:45.600 --> 01:46:48.160
Like what I was even telling stacy earlier like

1649
01:46:48.880 --> 01:46:51.440
Maybe you're only getting on the app on monday wednesday friday

1650
01:46:52.480 --> 01:46:56.480
Okay, so maybe he's having to manage that as well. Um

1651
01:46:58.160 --> 01:47:01.040
I understand about him not wanting to get the number. Okay

1652
01:47:02.320 --> 01:47:07.920
If he's not open to the video date and he's not pulling the trigger on that

1653
01:47:09.040 --> 01:47:11.040
I'd say just move on

1654
01:47:11.200 --> 01:47:14.960
You know drop it out there drop the hanky let him initiate that

1655
01:47:15.600 --> 01:47:16.880
um

1656
01:47:16.880 --> 01:47:18.880
And then if he's not picking it up

1657
01:47:19.040 --> 01:47:22.020
Just move forward like you want we want reciprocation

1658
01:47:23.280 --> 01:47:25.200
Okay

1659
01:47:25.200 --> 01:47:32.000
Are you all matching the reciprocation if he's reaching out you're responding back if he's responding reaching out you're responding back

1660
01:47:32.080 --> 01:47:38.320
And there's a back and forth if you're saying hey, let's meet. Let's do this zoom call you like

1661
01:47:38.960 --> 01:47:40.960
Throw out some days and times

1662
01:47:41.360 --> 01:47:42.800
if he's

1663
01:47:42.800 --> 01:47:44.800
Dodges it

1664
01:47:45.120 --> 01:47:49.760
Okay, maybe throw it up one more time and if he keeps dodging it just be like hey

1665
01:47:50.240 --> 01:47:54.000
I really you know enjoy trying to get to know you I I can see that maybe

1666
01:47:54.640 --> 01:47:59.600
You're not interested in the video date. So unfortunately i'm gonna have to go ahead and just part ways

1667
01:47:59.760 --> 01:48:01.520
I wish you the best of luck

1668
01:48:01.520 --> 01:48:08.080
I mean, it's totally okay. Stephanie. Were you the one that said that guys are trying to get you on whatsapp real quick?

1669
01:48:08.800 --> 01:48:14.240
Well, not whatsapp of numbers i've been i've been just blocking them because i'm so nervous

1670
01:48:15.200 --> 01:48:17.200
i'm, so nervous about the

1671
01:48:18.160 --> 01:48:23.840
My son is right. Sorry. I'm so nervous about girl. My I don't know how old your son is but

1672
01:48:25.520 --> 01:48:29.040
He's like he's okay, but I was gonna say like

1673
01:48:29.840 --> 01:48:32.800
Okay, sorry. Okay. It's okay. Like I have

1674
01:48:33.680 --> 01:48:35.680
My kids are 15 13 and 9

1675
01:48:35.840 --> 01:48:42.420
15 13 and 9 and they know oh, I haven't spoken to him. I don't I don't know how to have that conversation

1676
01:48:43.440 --> 01:48:49.200
So maybe this is the perfect opportunity after the call. You can have a healthy conversation. I'm just talking to some friends

1677
01:48:53.120 --> 01:48:56.800
I love it. I love it. It's ladies. I will tell you this

1678
01:48:58.000 --> 01:49:02.640
Like this is gold like this is this program is going it's a legacy

1679
01:49:03.600 --> 01:49:10.160
Like when we get healthy and healed in relationships and we start doing we're passing that on to our children

1680
01:49:11.360 --> 01:49:15.360
like I truly believe that my kids are going to benefit from this program because I

1681
01:49:15.600 --> 01:49:19.520
Did the work and I went through it and now I get to be a part of it as a coach

1682
01:49:20.080 --> 01:49:25.040
And I mean, I can't I mean I have kids are my my kids are 15 and 13 and they are learning

1683
01:49:25.520 --> 01:49:27.520
How to have healthy relationship at school

1684
01:49:29.600 --> 01:49:31.600
Like it's a legacy

1685
01:49:31.680 --> 01:49:33.680
It's kingdom y'all

1686
01:49:35.200 --> 01:49:36.800
But

1687
01:49:36.800 --> 01:49:38.640
Let's talk about this

1688
01:49:38.640 --> 01:49:43.520
Let's get you a get get sign up with a google voice number so that you don't have to feel so nervous

1689
01:49:43.920 --> 01:49:48.080
Okay, I do. I do have one for my company, but I don't know

1690
01:49:48.720 --> 01:49:51.460
Because that's the thing that's that because I work with children

1691
01:49:52.080 --> 01:49:58.080
so I i'm like where because I you know, because I haven't the same experience like I think the lady with the

1692
01:49:58.560 --> 01:50:00.560
I think christina

1693
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:02.480
I'm having those type of conversations,

1694
01:50:02.480 --> 01:50:03.660
I just block them.

1695
01:50:04.520 --> 01:50:07.760
But I love what you said to make it only three people

1696
01:50:07.760 --> 01:50:09.160
because it was overwhelming

1697
01:50:09.160 --> 01:50:11.360
to try to track who you're talking to.

1698
01:50:11.360 --> 01:50:12.200
Yeah.

1699
01:50:12.200 --> 01:50:13.560
Go half an hour and then do an hour.

1700
01:50:13.560 --> 01:50:15.680
So I said, okay, I'm on a particular schedule,

1701
01:50:15.680 --> 01:50:16.680
so I don't have to do it.

1702
01:50:16.680 --> 01:50:20.840
But I don't know if I can open another Google number

1703
01:50:20.840 --> 01:50:23.840
because I have one that's associated to my business already.

1704
01:50:23.840 --> 01:50:24.680
Yeah.

1705
01:50:24.680 --> 01:50:26.520
So I'm not sure, but I'll see.

1706
01:50:26.520 --> 01:50:29.760
Yeah, I'm gonna make a note to do some research myself.

1707
01:50:30.400 --> 01:50:31.760
I've never did the Google voice number.

1708
01:50:31.760 --> 01:50:34.560
My husband has one for his business too.

1709
01:50:34.560 --> 01:50:36.960
And so I'll ask him to help me out with that

1710
01:50:36.960 --> 01:50:39.040
and say, hey, how do we navigate this

1711
01:50:39.040 --> 01:50:41.200
and see what he can find too,

1712
01:50:41.200 --> 01:50:43.440
because I think it will be good.

1713
01:50:43.440 --> 01:50:46.200
So then that way you're giving out your Google number.

1714
01:50:46.200 --> 01:50:47.040
Right.

1715
01:50:47.040 --> 01:50:49.040
And that way you can gauge it that way.

1716
01:50:49.040 --> 01:50:52.640
Again, use Zoom for video calls.

1717
01:50:52.640 --> 01:50:54.600
But they would have to, for the Zoom,

1718
01:50:54.600 --> 01:50:57.560
the press would have to give their email address

1719
01:50:57.560 --> 01:51:01.240
because my Zoom is also, again, linked to a child,

1720
01:51:01.240 --> 01:51:03.080
a children, because I brought a children's business.

1721
01:51:03.080 --> 01:51:06.120
Can you set up a separate, like on a different email

1722
01:51:06.120 --> 01:51:07.280
and not your work email?

1723
01:51:07.280 --> 01:51:08.640
Can you set up a different email?

1724
01:51:08.640 --> 01:51:11.200
Like just go and grab a, just a generic email.

1725
01:51:11.200 --> 01:51:13.040
Well, I was thinking, what I was thinking to do

1726
01:51:13.040 --> 01:51:16.800
was the Zoom have a free app one,

1727
01:51:16.800 --> 01:51:18.400
was a lot of mine.

1728
01:51:18.400 --> 01:51:19.800
And they use a free one

1729
01:51:19.800 --> 01:51:22.160
because I think you get like about 40 minutes or so.

1730
01:51:22.160 --> 01:51:23.280
40 minutes.

1731
01:51:23.280 --> 01:51:24.120
Yes, I could do that.

1732
01:51:24.120 --> 01:51:26.560
And then, because as I said, everything I do,

1733
01:51:26.560 --> 01:51:28.800
and I work in a lot of school systems.

1734
01:51:28.800 --> 01:51:30.080
I don't want person to like-

1735
01:51:30.080 --> 01:51:30.920
No, I-

1736
01:51:30.920 --> 01:51:33.960
Coming up and you're banned from school for life.

1737
01:51:33.960 --> 01:51:34.800
Yeah, no.

1738
01:51:34.800 --> 01:51:37.000
And I don't want you to put yourself in a situation.

1739
01:51:37.000 --> 01:51:39.120
Yeah, especially when you're working with children.

1740
01:51:39.120 --> 01:51:39.960
Absolutely.

1741
01:51:39.960 --> 01:51:40.800
That's what I'm saying.

1742
01:51:40.800 --> 01:51:42.920
Get yourself a free like Zoom account.

1743
01:51:42.920 --> 01:51:45.720
Like one of the free ones, like you said, the 40 minutes.

1744
01:51:45.720 --> 01:51:47.720
And that way it helps you limit

1745
01:51:47.720 --> 01:51:49.720
like how long you're staying on a video call.

1746
01:51:49.720 --> 01:51:50.560
Right.

1747
01:51:50.560 --> 01:51:51.920
You're just literally getting to know them

1748
01:51:51.920 --> 01:51:54.800
and let them know like, hey, this is like,

1749
01:51:54.800 --> 01:51:56.040
if you set up a free account,

1750
01:51:56.040 --> 01:51:59.600
I set up a free account, like we're getting 40 minutes

1751
01:51:59.600 --> 01:52:02.240
and we can have conversation through video

1752
01:52:02.240 --> 01:52:03.320
and get to know each other.

1753
01:52:03.320 --> 01:52:06.080
And then again, like with the exception

1754
01:52:06.080 --> 01:52:07.080
of it's long distance,

1755
01:52:07.080 --> 01:52:07.920
like you're not gonna be able

1756
01:52:07.920 --> 01:52:09.280
to get the in-person date right away

1757
01:52:09.280 --> 01:52:11.640
if you're talking to somebody long distance.

1758
01:52:11.640 --> 01:52:13.880
But if they're, you know, an hour

1759
01:52:13.880 --> 01:52:16.560
or maybe even like an hour and a half away from you

1760
01:52:16.560 --> 01:52:19.200
or local, then you're gonna wanna jump

1761
01:52:19.200 --> 01:52:20.840
into an in-person date.

1762
01:52:20.840 --> 01:52:21.680
Okay.

1763
01:52:21.680 --> 01:52:22.640
And so let's get into that.

1764
01:52:22.640 --> 01:52:24.600
But again, yeah, two to three people at a time

1765
01:52:24.640 --> 01:52:25.480
that you can talk to.

1766
01:52:25.480 --> 01:52:26.760
So it doesn't get overwhelming.

1767
01:52:26.760 --> 01:52:29.000
And that way you can kind of keep track of who's who.

1768
01:52:29.000 --> 01:52:31.840
And so then when one falls off, you pick up another one.

1769
01:52:31.840 --> 01:52:32.680
Yeah.

1770
01:52:32.680 --> 01:52:35.680
And again, after like, if y'all cannot,

1771
01:52:35.680 --> 01:52:38.880
like if guys are not wanting to get a video date

1772
01:52:38.880 --> 01:52:42.680
or an in-person date within the first like week,

1773
01:52:42.680 --> 01:52:47.680
no more than two weeks, like move, move on.

1774
01:52:48.560 --> 01:52:50.840
You're here to date in real life.

1775
01:52:50.840 --> 01:52:53.160
You're not here to have pen pals.

1776
01:52:53.160 --> 01:52:55.280
Like, and here's the thing is some people

1777
01:52:55.280 --> 01:52:57.840
will use online dating as a dopamine hit.

1778
01:52:57.840 --> 01:52:59.920
They want likes, they want attention.

1779
01:52:59.920 --> 01:53:01.400
And then once they get that, that's like, okay,

1780
01:53:01.400 --> 01:53:02.680
I need new attention over here.

1781
01:53:02.680 --> 01:53:04.440
Like that happens too.

1782
01:53:04.440 --> 01:53:07.880
And so we're not, that's not what we're looking for.

1783
01:53:07.880 --> 01:53:11.600
And you'll notice like, if you spend time like investing

1784
01:53:11.600 --> 01:53:13.120
and really getting to know somebody

1785
01:53:13.120 --> 01:53:15.360
and trying to get those video calls or in-person dates

1786
01:53:15.360 --> 01:53:16.840
within the first week or two,

1787
01:53:17.900 --> 01:53:22.040
like you're gonna see who's there for the real.

1788
01:53:22.040 --> 01:53:22.880
Okay.

1789
01:53:23.800 --> 01:53:25.920
And you don't have to be, you know,

1790
01:53:25.920 --> 01:53:27.960
bent out of shape just because it's not working

1791
01:53:27.960 --> 01:53:28.800
with these guys.

1792
01:53:28.800 --> 01:53:29.800
Nope, just on to the next one.

1793
01:53:29.800 --> 01:53:31.560
You're just one step closer to your spirit mate.

1794
01:53:31.560 --> 01:53:34.240
Let's just knock it out, right?

1795
01:53:35.280 --> 01:53:36.520
That's part of online dating.

1796
01:53:36.520 --> 01:53:39.360
And I know that's not the fun part of it, but you know,

1797
01:53:39.360 --> 01:53:43.480
we have to be willing to just kind of navigate what it is.

1798
01:53:43.480 --> 01:53:45.840
We don't have to get bent out of shape about it.

1799
01:53:45.840 --> 01:53:47.260
We can just say, okay, God,

1800
01:53:47.260 --> 01:53:49.980
I'm gonna release this pen to you.

1801
01:53:49.980 --> 01:53:52.880
You're gonna reveal things that I need to be revealed to.

1802
01:53:53.560 --> 01:53:55.920
You know, whatever you wanna do, Lord,

1803
01:53:55.920 --> 01:53:58.640
to prepare my heart for what you have coming for me,

1804
01:53:58.640 --> 01:54:00.020
I'm gonna be open to it.

1805
01:54:00.980 --> 01:54:05.080
Every one of these situations and dating scenarios

1806
01:54:05.080 --> 01:54:09.540
or whatever, it's all opportunities to grow and prepare.

1807
01:54:10.560 --> 01:54:12.000
Okay.

1808
01:54:12.000 --> 01:54:13.680
All right, ladies.

1809
01:54:13.680 --> 01:54:16.080
I'm gonna quickly kind of just see what I missed

1810
01:54:16.080 --> 01:54:17.600
in the chat.

1811
01:54:17.600 --> 01:54:19.820
Was there anybody else that had something in the chat

1812
01:54:19.820 --> 01:54:21.760
that I might've missed?

1813
01:54:21.760 --> 01:54:23.800
Go ahead and unmute and let me know.

1814
01:54:28.840 --> 01:54:32.400
Okay, I don't think she's still on.

1815
01:54:32.400 --> 01:54:33.240
Okay.

1816
01:54:35.200 --> 01:54:38.240
Okay, so someone's saying that Google number,

1817
01:54:38.240 --> 01:54:40.040
it gives you address.

1818
01:54:40.040 --> 01:54:43.420
Is there a way that you can not put your address on Google?

1819
01:54:44.920 --> 01:54:46.560
Google Voice?

1820
01:54:46.560 --> 01:54:48.780
I don't, I definitely,

1821
01:54:48.780 --> 01:54:51.480
I wonder if that's like an option that you can remove.

1822
01:54:52.400 --> 01:54:53.600
I can't.

1823
01:54:53.600 --> 01:54:55.840
It doesn't give you option.

1824
01:54:55.840 --> 01:54:58.120
Unless, it doesn't give you option to put your address.

1825
01:54:58.120 --> 01:55:00.720
I mean, it does, but it doesn't list your address.

1826
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:06.400
address um because when my number i just you all you to do is i put it because i'm in new york

1827
01:55:06.400 --> 01:55:13.440
i put a number the 917 so that if anybody calls it they will know it's a new york by the error code

1828
01:55:13.440 --> 01:55:19.680
okay that's what i was gonna say i think my husband's is like an 888 number an 866 number

1829
01:55:19.680 --> 01:55:25.040
because again he just he just he calls all different states because he's in insurance

1830
01:55:25.840 --> 01:55:32.240
and so he sells insurance to all like he's yeah so i don't think it's going to show your address

1831
01:55:32.240 --> 01:55:36.800
it might show like if you live in like you said like you live in new york but it's not going to

1832
01:55:36.800 --> 01:55:43.280
give you a detailed address i like my husband would never allow that because he is very very

1833
01:55:43.280 --> 01:55:51.200
protective the only thing is the only thing is that if you miss the call you can't if you call

1834
01:55:51.200 --> 01:55:57.120
back it comes from your personal number so that's the only that's why i'm like a little

1835
01:55:57.120 --> 01:56:05.040
hesitant with the goo wait so if you miss someone calling you and you try to call them back my my

1836
01:56:05.040 --> 01:56:10.400
my 646 number shows up okay if you miss that unless it's set up a different way i set up

1837
01:56:10.400 --> 01:56:16.400
mine a long time like a seven years ago but for mine if you call back that's why so when

1838
01:56:16.400 --> 01:56:21.360
most of them ask me for my number i just i just don't say anything when you call them

1839
01:56:21.360 --> 01:56:25.360
from your google voice number but it shows up as your google voice number no it doesn't it

1840
01:56:25.360 --> 01:56:30.000
shows up my six because i doubt i use my cell phone that's where it's linked to so it's linked

1841
01:56:30.000 --> 01:56:36.640
to they have to call you on your google number on my google number okay so i would have to set up a

1842
01:56:36.640 --> 01:56:41.920
specific time and say this is the time and they would have to and i would have to answer but if

1843
01:56:41.920 --> 01:56:50.720
i miss that call i can go inside my gmail and even text them but okay so you can text on your

1844
01:56:50.720 --> 01:56:57.040
google voice no it will come from my email it will say my email address okay i think that's

1845
01:56:57.040 --> 01:57:03.760
and that's why i'm saying like don't use your work email address use like a just generic like free

1846
01:57:04.240 --> 01:57:11.280
like gmail account okay so that's good to know all right well i see a lot of people

1847
01:57:11.280 --> 01:57:19.200
hopping off so i'm hoping that i got to everybody's question and whatnot um perfect perfect

1848
01:57:20.800 --> 01:57:27.120
i love it and then people are engaging in this this is awesome oh i love it i love it oh lauren

1849
01:57:27.120 --> 01:57:33.440
wanted to know how i meet my husband um i oftentimes share that so um i'm not going to

1850
01:57:33.440 --> 01:57:40.320
share it right now but i will share it in the future um okay i think i got most of this

1851
01:57:41.760 --> 01:57:48.560
um susanna she's not even on here anymore um perfect um okay perfect

1852
01:57:49.440 --> 01:57:55.440
um okay awesome all right ladies um again i apologize for going late i'm going to work

1853
01:57:55.440 --> 01:58:00.640
at doing better i'm sure jackie's gonna get on me

1854
01:58:03.600 --> 01:58:13.600
um tell her it's me we appreciate the extra time okay good i'm glad i just i just yeah my my heart

1855
01:58:13.600 --> 01:58:18.400
is always to make sure that i get your questions answered i just like to unpack it all with y'all

1856
01:58:18.400 --> 01:58:23.920
on live calls um but again that's what we also have the app for so we'll do our best to also

1857
01:58:23.920 --> 01:58:30.240
even respond to you there as always but all right ladies have a blessed rest of your day don't

1858
01:58:30.240 --> 01:58:37.760
forget to make eye contact smile with guys engage in you know just small talk ask them for help

1859
01:58:38.240 --> 01:58:45.440
engage in you know just small talk ask them for help and we'll um spend time going over that next

1860
01:58:45.440 --> 01:58:53.280
week and all right ladies stay connected and i will chat with y'all later sounds good thanks