WEBVTT

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Hey, everyone.

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Happy Thursday.

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It's so good to see everyone.

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We have numbers going up, but no matter who's here, I believe everyone that's meant to be

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here live will be here tonight, as well as those that will be watching the replay had

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several people say they couldn't make it live and are looking forward to this.

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You know, we pray every month for what are we supposed to do for the community in this

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season, and we went back and forth on what tonight was going to be, and I wasn't even

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supposed to be home tonight, and God just really changed things around, and he kept

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saying to do the advanced heart work.

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So that's what we're going to do tonight.

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We're going to lean into what the Lord is trying to bring to the community, and what

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is he trying to say?

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How is he going to help each one of you hear what you need to hear to help you move forward?

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And one of the things I will tell you all, for those of you that don't know, and you

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all, when I say this, I'm doing really, really good, but I feel led to share this with all

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of you all tonight, and actually I should pray first, because I know once I start going,

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I'm going to be ready to get into gear here.

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So Father, we just thank you for tonight.

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We thank you, God, that you have secrets from heaven to show us, to reveal to us, that you

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desire to bring things out of darkness into the light, so that you can help us not only

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get unstuck, but to thrive in the season ahead.

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God, we thank you that we would come out of mindsets and heart postures that don't belong

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to heaven, that don't belong to you, that don't align with the fullness of your plans

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and promises for us.

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God, you have, God, you just have this amazing perspective when you look at us.

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God, I pray that you would help us to see that a little bit more tonight, to hear that

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a little bit more tonight.

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Jesus, help us to come closer to you.

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You are our friend.

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You died and bore it all for our sins, for our freedom, for our liberation.

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So whom the Son has set free is free indeed.

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I thank you for the blood that was shed so that we can step into freedom, so that we

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can come a little bit closer into relationship with you and the Father and the Holy Spirit.

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Holy Spirit, we thank you that you're here.

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We ask you to just come.

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Come like you did in the time of Acts and just bring fresh fire.

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Bring a transforming power and presence that could be just literally experienced tangibly

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in their homes, that no matter where they're at, God, that they would hear your spirit

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louder than any voice of the enemy.

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And we just thank you in advance for all these things in Jesus' name.

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So I wanted to share with all of you, for those of you that don't know, my father passed

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away on February 28th.

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If you don't know my story, and not that this makes it any easier, you all, but I have mourned

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the loss of my father my entire life.

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And when I say that, I say that because my dad left when I was literally a newborn.

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And he came in and out of my life on occasion.

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I have very little memories of my dad in my life.

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And most of the memories I have, I was pursuing him.

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I was pursuing him and it was never reciprocal.

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And I'm not saying that to dishonor him.

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I do love him.

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I don't believe my father truly experienced the freedom that Christ had for him.

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He was a believer, praise the Lord.

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So he is in heaven.

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I will get to see him again one day.

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And when I see him that day, I will experience him in a completely different way than what

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I experienced him here on earth.

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Isn't that amazing?

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That's what I'm clinging to.

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But the reason I mentioned that to you tonight as I'm kicking off our heart work session

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is this.

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We traveled to Ohio last week.

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And when we were getting ready for that, we were looking at, you know, airports to fly

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into.

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And I kept saying, let's just go to Canton Akron because I, you know, I know that airport,

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you know, whatever.

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I didn't want to go to Cleveland, you all.

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So I kept trying to like make Cleveland Akron or Columbus or something else work.

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And I'll explain why in a minute, but guess where the best tickets were the best direct

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flight and all of the things anyone want to guess it was Cleveland.

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Why didn't I want to go to Cleveland?

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Well, here's why I haven't been back to Cleveland since I signed, like literally was in divorce

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court.

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That was the last time I was in Cleveland.

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And I just really didn't want to go back there.

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Here's the thing.

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God wanted me to go back there.

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And as we were preparing for this trip, God kept telling me, I'm sending you there to

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reclaim territory.

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And so I knew that in my spirit when we were going and as we were driving around and met

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some friends there and had dinner and reclaim.

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some territory in my own heart, not just there physically, in my own heart. And the other thing

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is this, as we were driving around Cleveland, we passed this VA hospital sign. And it reminded me

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that when I was a little girl, we had to drive to Cleveland several times after my dad had gotten

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out of jail. He was in a VA hospital there in Cleveland. And that's where we went to visit him.

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And I remember crying when we left because we had to leave and he had to stay.

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And I'm sharing all of this with you because I'm also reclaiming territory

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of the loss that I experienced as a kid with my dad.

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Like God never intended any of that for me. And so tonight, that's what I'm opening with,

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is that I believe in this season that God wants us as a community to not just have gone through

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heartwork in the beginning, that we would continue heartwork, but in the idea, in the premise of

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continuing to take territory in our own hearts, in our communities, in our families. And that when

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we are stuck, instead of us getting frustrated with everybody around us and projecting things

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onto other people, that we would look inward. Yes, yes, life is happening around us. Things

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are happening that are going to offend us all the time. Being alive in this day and time,

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it's offensive, if we're being honest, right? There's offensive things everywhere. And so

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as we're pursuing the heart of the Father, Psalm 51, I think is where it's at,

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creating me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me. And for years, I felt

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led to pray that over and over and over, over myself. And that has come back more and more

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and more in the last two weeks. I just hear it all the time. We were just at a conference in Orlando

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and I'm telling you what, the Holy Spirit is on the move, you all. And He's on the move in all

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of our lives. It's whether or not we believe that, that is going to be the key. So the next

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thing I want to plant, I'm going to plant some seeds. And then after I've planted the seeds,

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I'm going to open up the heartwork seat. So that's what we're going to do tonight. Just

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like you all get into the love seat, I'm going to open up the heartwork seat. And anybody that

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wants to ask any questions or process even things I'm saying tonight, or maybe you have something

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that you're trying to date someone and you've got heartwork issues coming up, or maybe you

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had something that happened on your job. It doesn't matter what it is. If you're stuck in an

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area and you're really still struggling to get freedom, then let's work through some of that

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tonight. And I'll take as many people as I can. So I'm just going to preface that at 915 or 930,

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that's the latest I'm going to go tonight, we will close down. And we will try to do this again

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if we need to do more. But here's the next thing I felt led to deposit. I was praying for all of

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you tonight and just kind of preparing my heart to come on live. I was asking the Lord, what did

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He have for us tonight? And I heard Him say, tell them that the Phoenix is rising. Y'all, I'm not

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into mythical things, okay? So I want to preface that. Because if you know anything about the

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Phoenix rising, it's a mythical bird. It's a mythical story. But I will tell you this,

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over the years, God has shown me that image about myself. That God was calling me forth to rise from

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the ashes. So here's a little bit of information. The myth of the Phoenix, the mythical bird,

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rises from its ashes at the end of its cycle after building a nest and igniting it. So igniting

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it, I think, I didn't research this incredibly, but I believe that means setting it on fire.

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All right, symbolizing renewal and rebirth. Okay, so here's the thing. What stood out to me in that

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was after building a nest and igniting it, I asked the Lord what the nest represented. Now, again,

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y'all, if you know all this stuff and you know all about it, you might believe something different.

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But I'm just telling you what God spoke to me tonight. And He said, the nest is symbolizing

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comfort zones, negative and limiting mindsets, and attitudes and heart postures that don't

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sound like heaven. That's what He said. And so I'm sharing that with you before we do heart work,

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because y'all, we need to get uncomfortable.

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with how okay we are with our negativity,

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with our comfort zones, with the way we limit God,

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myself included.

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Like in the last couple of weeks,

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God has been challenging me regarding even, you know,

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the way, like I said, I was thinking about Cleveland.

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That was, I was allowing myself to remain stuck

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over something that I'm like-

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Does that one have an EMS?

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No.

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Make sure y'all mute yourself when you come in, please.

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So why would I do that when I carry the power

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of the risen Jesus Christ in me

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and everywhere I go, I have authority.

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So why would I avoid a place when I'm taking him there

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and he's already gone before me as well?

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So how many of you,

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this is why I'm telling all these stories tonight.

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How many of you are avoiding places, people, things,

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because someone took something from you there

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and it's time to pray.

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I'm not telling you, everybody just go.

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I'm saying pray and ask the Lord when you should go back

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and you don't have to encounter people that were unhealthy.

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I didn't go and search out my ex-husband

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or anything like that, but I went and I just said,

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okay, Lord, whatever you want me to do.

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And I ended up setting up a dinner with some friends

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I haven't seen in over 10 years.

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And then some other people as the Lord led me to.

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So maybe some of you in these full circle moments

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that Jackie's even been talking about

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and declared what happened in 2025,

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maybe some of it has to do with heartwork

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and reclaiming territory, getting out of our comfort zone

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and shifting the attitudes and heart postures

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that some of us have kind of just settled into

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even at the end of 2024, whether we wanted to or not.

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When life happens and hard things happen,

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so often, I don't know about you all,

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have you ever encountered somebody

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and just being around them, you feel yourself pull back?

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Does anyone else ever do that?

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Because I know that happens for me.

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And so I want you to know that if you feel that

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and experience that, there's nothing wrong with you.

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It's a part of our flesh

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and there's all these different lies

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and things we're believing and perceiving

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and some of them are true.

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I'm not saying that if we recognize someone's unhealthy,

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that we shouldn't be careful,

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but what in us needs healing

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that's causing us to pull away from people

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and go back into isolation in one way, shape or form.

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Because I believe God wants us to keep showing up

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in the fullness of who he created us to be.

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How many of us aren't operating and giftings

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and things that we love and aren't living life

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to the fullest because somebody hurt us

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or somebody said we weren't good at that or whatever.

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So again, I'm kind of tossing a bunch of seeds right now

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and trusting the Holy Spirit's gonna work in this

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and weave it together for his purpose.

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So the next thing I felt led to talk about was identity.

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In order to shift into a new season,

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every new season requires an identity shift.

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So as God is trying to lead you into a new season,

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how many of you have upgraded in your identity

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and your understanding of how God sees you,

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how you are here to exist in this world

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and not just exist, but to, as I prayed earlier,

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thrive and take land and influence and love

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and experience and laugh and all of the things?

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A new identity forces out the limitations

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of the past season.

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So how many of you have been facing limitations

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in one way, shape or form?

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You feel like you're trying to move forward

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and you hit a wall, you feel that limitation

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or that fear of like, can I do this?

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Do I have any words that matter?

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Will what I write influence and help anybody?

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I mean, come on, let's all just be real honest

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with ourselves.

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How many of you are like, you're out there trying to date

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and the enemy's just telling you left and right

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how you're just not enough?

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And it's not true.

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And until we come out of agreement and alignment

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with that stuff fully,

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it's hard for us to keep partnering with the truth.

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So when we have a hard time coming out of alignment

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with the lies, well, that's a revealing for healing

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that we...

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we have more healing to do.

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Yes, it's going to be on replay, Brittany.

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It'll be available under all replay tab.

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If you're feeling those limitations,

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if you're feeling that fear rise up,

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fear is false evidence appearing real.

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You guys are going to hear me tell you that over and over and

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over in this community because we forget it.

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Anxiety fuels the fear.

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If you're trying to date or you're trying to go into a new job,

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or you're trying to do anything that's

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forward movement and the enemy is trying to hold you back,

236
00:15:31.640 --> 00:15:34.640
and all you're hearing are lies and fear,

237
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well, what are those connected to?

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What pain from your past is still in there that needs healing?

239
00:15:43.000 --> 00:15:50.200
Like the little girl in me that was crying and sad when I had to

240
00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:54.480
leave my dad because I never got to see him, you all.

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Hardly ever because my dad had

242
00:15:56.680 --> 00:16:02.360
massive addiction problems and got himself into trouble all the time.

243
00:16:02.360 --> 00:16:11.040
I remember being so embarrassed when kids would ask about my parents growing up,

244
00:16:11.040 --> 00:16:15.520
and I never would tell somebody that my dad was in jail,

245
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let alone all the other stuff that was going on.

246
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These things are in us and we heal in layers.

247
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I always remind you all,

248
00:16:25.960 --> 00:16:29.560
healing happens in layers.

249
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Even though I have done a tremendous amount of work around my family,

250
00:16:35.400 --> 00:16:37.200
and all of those situations,

251
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God is still in his goodness,

252
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lovingly saying, I have more for you.

253
00:16:43.720 --> 00:16:48.920
I have more for you in the understanding of who I am as a good father,

254
00:16:48.920 --> 00:16:53.560
because I had a dad that was always there for me,

255
00:16:53.800 --> 00:16:55.920
that never left me nor forsake me,

256
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that even when my mother and father forsake me,

257
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he never did.

258
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Is it the same?

259
00:17:03.080 --> 00:17:05.599
No, not 100 percent in the sense of, yeah,

260
00:17:05.599 --> 00:17:09.119
I needed a dad to hug me and love me and show up for

261
00:17:09.119 --> 00:17:14.280
my concerts and not say he'd be there and not show up.

262
00:17:15.000 --> 00:17:17.920
I needed that, I wanted that,

263
00:17:17.920 --> 00:17:19.920
but ultimately at the end of the day,

264
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over and over and over,

265
00:17:21.200 --> 00:17:26.079
God continues to show me how he showed up for me.

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That's another thing that I'm trying to convey tonight in your identity,

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00:17:30.840 --> 00:17:37.600
how are you looking at yourself through the lens of your past and the pain still,

268
00:17:37.600 --> 00:17:43.120
that it's causing you to show up differently in the world that you're living in right now,

269
00:17:43.120 --> 00:17:46.560
and how you're showing up with people.

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After Adam and Eve had sinned,

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in Genesis 3, 8-11, it says this,

272
00:17:53.240 --> 00:17:57.560
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden

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in the cool of the day and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.

274
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But the Lord God called to the man,

275
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where are you?

276
00:18:06.520 --> 00:18:08.480
Adam answered him,

277
00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:15.040
I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.

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Verse 11 says, and this is God talking to Adam,

279
00:18:19.880 --> 00:18:23.920
who told you that you were naked?

280
00:18:23.920 --> 00:18:27.480
Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?

281
00:18:27.480 --> 00:18:31.400
I use this content that I'm giving you right now in heart work all the time.

282
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I've adopted this recently.

283
00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:37.320
God started putting this together and it's been helping so many people.

284
00:18:37.320 --> 00:18:39.720
And I don't know how many of you have heard it before,

285
00:18:39.720 --> 00:18:41.560
but I'm believing even if you've heard it before,

286
00:18:41.560 --> 00:18:45.400
that God's going to give you an upgrade through it tonight.

287
00:18:45.400 --> 00:18:49.760
But God is seeing some of you and you're hiding.

288
00:18:49.760 --> 00:18:54.880
You're hiding because of your nakedness, whatever that means for you.

289
00:18:54.880 --> 00:18:57.280
And he's saying, come out.

290
00:18:57.280 --> 00:19:01.720
Come out from wherever you are.

291
00:19:01.720 --> 00:19:07.600
Because he never intended for us to hide there.

292
00:19:07.600 --> 00:19:09.960
And he wants to call you out.

293
00:19:09.960 --> 00:19:13.840
In a nice sense, in a kind sense, not because he's trying to hurt you,

294
00:19:13.840 --> 00:19:15.880
because he has more for you.

295
00:19:15.880 --> 00:19:19.760
Who or what are you currently getting your identity from?

296
00:19:19.760 --> 00:19:21.080
Are you getting it from money?

297
00:19:21.080 --> 00:19:23.760
Are you getting it from your status in your job?

298
00:19:23.760 --> 00:19:27.160
Are you getting it from what somebody says about you,

299
00:19:27.160 --> 00:19:30.720
whether that somebody is a dating person that you've met,

300
00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:33.120
or a friend, or your family?

301
00:19:33.120 --> 00:19:36.720
Are you getting it from maybe you're in ministry and the people,

302
00:19:36.720 --> 00:19:40.960
like you just, you know, you're always looking for that next affirmation

303
00:19:40.960 --> 00:19:45.080
from somebody, because you still have a void in you that can't,

304
00:19:45.080 --> 00:19:48.840
it like literally can't be filled by anything but God.

305
00:19:48.840 --> 00:19:54.440
But we're looking for everybody to affirm us all the time.

306
00:19:54.440 --> 00:19:56.000
So has what you've eaten.

307
00:19:56.000 --> 00:19:59.880
So when I say this eaten, I'm kind of referencing our trauma,

308
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.560
things that we've experienced in the life that we've lived,

309
00:20:03.560 --> 00:20:04.760
the things that we've witnessed,

310
00:20:04.760 --> 00:20:07.000
not just what's been done to us, you all,

311
00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:09.200
but also what we saw.

312
00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:12.360
I shared this in the heart work literally on Monday night.

313
00:20:13.360 --> 00:20:15.460
Y'all are learning a little bit more about me tonight.

314
00:20:15.460 --> 00:20:16.760
And I don't want you to feel bad for me

315
00:20:16.760 --> 00:20:18.600
because I genuinely,

316
00:20:18.600 --> 00:20:20.500
I wouldn't go back through any of these things.

317
00:20:20.500 --> 00:20:21.920
I wouldn't choose them,

318
00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:23.320
but they've made me who I am.

319
00:20:23.320 --> 00:20:26.440
And I believe that God continues to use all of the pain

320
00:20:26.440 --> 00:20:28.240
that I've been through for purpose

321
00:20:28.240 --> 00:20:29.920
and to help set other people free.

322
00:20:29.920 --> 00:20:32.720
And so I'm sharing these stories

323
00:20:32.720 --> 00:20:35.220
because I hope it helps you get freedom.

324
00:20:36.120 --> 00:20:37.160
When I was in fourth grade,

325
00:20:37.160 --> 00:20:38.880
my mom and my brother and my sister

326
00:20:38.880 --> 00:20:40.120
were hit by a drunk driver,

327
00:20:40.120 --> 00:20:41.680
and it was really bad, you all.

328
00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:45.940
My brother was in a coma for a really long time,

329
00:20:45.940 --> 00:20:47.800
had to learn how to do everything again,

330
00:20:47.800 --> 00:20:51.160
like literally eat, walk, all the things.

331
00:20:51.160 --> 00:20:54.920
He was sent away to rehab for a very long time.

332
00:20:54.920 --> 00:20:57.320
My sister had to have brain surgery.

333
00:20:57.320 --> 00:20:58.520
It was a very scary time.

334
00:20:58.520 --> 00:21:02.200
I was in fourth grade, so I was nine years old.

335
00:21:02.200 --> 00:21:05.300
And my mom, my mom was a single mom,

336
00:21:05.300 --> 00:21:09.880
had to leave and go to another town far away

337
00:21:09.880 --> 00:21:11.120
to take care of my brother

338
00:21:11.120 --> 00:21:12.900
all the time in the rehab hospital.

339
00:21:13.800 --> 00:21:15.600
And so I was left alone a lot.

340
00:21:15.600 --> 00:21:18.400
And so one of the biggest lies the enemy told me

341
00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:22.640
all the time was that I was neglected.

342
00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:23.960
I was forgotten.

343
00:21:23.960 --> 00:21:25.820
Like people didn't care about me.

344
00:21:27.520 --> 00:21:28.800
But that wasn't truth.

345
00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:33.000
But that over the years, I ate that stuff in a sense.

346
00:21:33.000 --> 00:21:36.540
I believed it because I didn't know any better.

347
00:21:36.540 --> 00:21:39.000
But as God has continued to heal me,

348
00:21:39.000 --> 00:21:40.600
I know the truth now.

349
00:21:41.520 --> 00:21:42.600
I know the truth.

350
00:21:42.600 --> 00:21:44.480
My mom loved me,

351
00:21:44.480 --> 00:21:46.800
but my mom was doing the best she could

352
00:21:46.800 --> 00:21:49.480
to go and take care of my brother and my sister

353
00:21:49.480 --> 00:21:51.720
who were in totally different hospitals.

354
00:21:51.720 --> 00:21:54.320
And then there was also another brother

355
00:21:54.320 --> 00:21:56.040
and still trying to work

356
00:21:56.040 --> 00:21:59.500
in all the things she was doing her best.

357
00:22:01.680 --> 00:22:03.960
I see things differently now.

358
00:22:03.960 --> 00:22:07.960
So what have you eaten and taken in through trauma?

359
00:22:07.960 --> 00:22:09.320
Oh, this was what else I was gonna say.

360
00:22:09.320 --> 00:22:10.880
I wasn't in that accident.

361
00:22:10.880 --> 00:22:12.400
I didn't see that accident,

362
00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:17.400
but that accident that my family was in caused trauma.

363
00:22:17.480 --> 00:22:20.040
And so some of you haven't really realized

364
00:22:20.040 --> 00:22:23.040
even some of the things you've seen in life

365
00:22:23.080 --> 00:22:27.240
or saw someone else go through that's caused you pain.

366
00:22:29.040 --> 00:22:30.160
Are you getting your identity

367
00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:32.280
from what people have said to you?

368
00:22:33.120 --> 00:22:34.640
Like maybe you were married.

369
00:22:34.640 --> 00:22:36.040
I'm just gonna say to the men,

370
00:22:36.040 --> 00:22:39.040
I married to an amazing man,

371
00:22:39.040 --> 00:22:41.560
but his ex-wife, his former wife,

372
00:22:41.560 --> 00:22:45.040
used to say horrible, horrible things to him.

373
00:22:46.240 --> 00:22:47.520
So when we first met,

374
00:22:47.520 --> 00:22:50.360
he would tell me he was sorry all the time for everything,

375
00:22:50.360 --> 00:22:51.560
over and over and over.

376
00:22:51.560 --> 00:22:53.720
And I'll be like, why are you saying sorry?

377
00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:55.000
You don't gotta say sorry.

378
00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:56.400
You didn't do anything.

379
00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:58.360
So we worked on that a lot,

380
00:22:58.360 --> 00:23:00.840
but I want y'all to be thinking about

381
00:23:00.840 --> 00:23:03.080
what have people said to you,

382
00:23:03.080 --> 00:23:05.800
whether it's when you were young, growing up,

383
00:23:05.800 --> 00:23:09.200
even recently, that when they said it,

384
00:23:09.200 --> 00:23:11.640
you received it as truth.

385
00:23:11.640 --> 00:23:15.560
You subconsciously didn't even stop that

386
00:23:15.560 --> 00:23:18.080
enough to say, is this truth about me?

387
00:23:19.080 --> 00:23:20.880
What has the enemy been saying to you?

388
00:23:20.880 --> 00:23:23.280
I know you all, I went to Orlando,

389
00:23:23.280 --> 00:23:25.600
like I said, we were there last week.

390
00:23:25.600 --> 00:23:28.880
Two times when I sat down, two different days,

391
00:23:28.880 --> 00:23:31.680
when I sat down to do my devotions and read my Bible

392
00:23:31.680 --> 00:23:33.040
and just spend time with the Lord,

393
00:23:33.040 --> 00:23:34.960
just for me, not for anybody else,

394
00:23:34.960 --> 00:23:39.120
but just for me, I'm not joking you all.

395
00:23:39.120 --> 00:23:42.400
I just kept getting attacked in my mind

396
00:23:42.400 --> 00:23:45.240
with like lustful thoughts and stuff

397
00:23:45.240 --> 00:23:47.600
that I just don't even think about.

398
00:23:48.080 --> 00:23:50.160
And I'm not saying that because I'm like perfect.

399
00:23:50.160 --> 00:23:53.360
I'm just saying that's not stuff I think about.

400
00:23:53.360 --> 00:23:58.080
And thankfully, I recognized it so quick

401
00:23:58.080 --> 00:24:02.560
and I was thinking, huh, I'm in a new city.

402
00:24:02.560 --> 00:24:06.160
And the devil is trying to attack my mind

403
00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:09.040
and just send this stuff.

404
00:24:09.040 --> 00:24:11.840
And so I just prayed a hedge of protection over my mind

405
00:24:11.840 --> 00:24:14.640
and I'm like, devil, I'm not even thinking on that stuff

406
00:24:14.640 --> 00:24:16.320
and I just resist you right now

407
00:24:16.480 --> 00:24:17.600
in Jesus name.

408
00:24:17.600 --> 00:24:20.000
And do you know that it literally stopped?

409
00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:23.040
Sometimes it's not that quick,

410
00:24:23.040 --> 00:24:24.160
but I just want you all to know

411
00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:27.360
the enemy is always trying to get in our minds

412
00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:31.440
and then that can get down into our hearts and our souls.

413
00:24:33.520 --> 00:24:36.640
At the end of tonight, I hope that you're starting to see

414
00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:38.640
more and more of who God says you are.

415
00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:40.400
That's kind of my key tonight.

416
00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:44.320
So when we have these identities struggles,

417
00:24:44.320 --> 00:24:46.160
if you will, I'm just gonna call it that.

418
00:24:47.360 --> 00:24:50.320
Oftentimes we've forgotten to look at our root system.

419
00:24:50.320 --> 00:24:52.240
So what I mean by that is I want you all

420
00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:57.360
to be thinking about healthy roots produce healthy fruit.

421
00:24:57.360 --> 00:24:59.840
And I want you all to be thinking about

422
00:24:59.840 --> 00:25:02.480
healthy roots produce healthy fruit.

423
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.880
Unhealthy root, it's gonna produce unhealthy fruit.

424
00:25:02.480 --> 00:25:04.720
And I want you all to be thinking about

425
00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:08.640
So if you have an unhealed situation from the past,

426
00:25:04.720 --> 00:25:07.120
healthy roots produce healthy fruit.

427
00:25:08.640 --> 00:25:11.120
no matter how amazing you are,

428
00:25:11.120 --> 00:25:14.080
you're gonna carry that into every relationship,

429
00:25:14.080 --> 00:25:16.980
whether it's romantic, friendship,

430
00:25:16.980 --> 00:25:19.640
community at church, wherever, okay?

431
00:25:20.640 --> 00:25:22.520
I'm just gonna pop in this little bit

432
00:25:22.520 --> 00:25:23.600
from the HeartWork book.

433
00:25:23.600 --> 00:25:24.940
I know y'all have read it,

434
00:25:24.940 --> 00:25:27.700
but I'm just gonna bring it in because it's important.

435
00:25:27.700 --> 00:25:29.880
It's the fruits versus roots section,

436
00:25:29.960 --> 00:25:30.800
and this is what it says.

437
00:25:30.800 --> 00:25:34.260
Fruits are the emotional or physical manifestations

438
00:25:34.260 --> 00:25:36.720
and the subsequent actions you have been taking

439
00:25:36.720 --> 00:25:40.100
as a result of what you believe in your heart.

440
00:25:40.100 --> 00:25:42.260
Fruits might include sickness, self-pity,

441
00:25:42.260 --> 00:25:44.400
a victim mentality, despair, not sadness,

442
00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:47.100
suicidal tendencies, disgust, and judgment.

443
00:25:47.100 --> 00:25:48.320
Just a side note,

444
00:25:48.320 --> 00:25:51.260
if you have a problem with judging other people,

445
00:25:51.260 --> 00:25:53.900
it's because you have a fragmented heart.

446
00:25:53.900 --> 00:25:57.860
A judgmental heart is a hurting heart.

447
00:25:57.860 --> 00:25:59.060
Guess what, y'all?

448
00:25:59.080 --> 00:26:01.240
People who are easily offended all the time

449
00:26:01.240 --> 00:26:04.960
about all kinds of stuff, that goes right in there, okay?

450
00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:08.320
That's a signal that you have brokenness in there

451
00:26:08.320 --> 00:26:11.600
that's causing you to be offended all the time.

452
00:26:11.600 --> 00:26:12.480
I'm gonna keep going.

453
00:26:12.480 --> 00:26:13.680
So more fruits are this.

454
00:26:13.680 --> 00:26:15.240
These are unhealthy fruits, okay?

455
00:26:15.240 --> 00:26:19.520
So these unhealthy fruits come from the unhealthy roots.

456
00:26:19.520 --> 00:26:22.120
I gotta make sure I get it straight.

457
00:26:22.120 --> 00:26:26.560
Obesity, perversion, addiction, sexual dysfunction.

458
00:26:26.560 --> 00:26:28.880
Y'all can include pornography addiction

459
00:26:29.700 --> 00:26:31.780
or any kind of addiction and dysfunction there.

460
00:26:31.780 --> 00:26:35.020
Hopelessness, hatred, self-hatred.

461
00:26:35.020 --> 00:26:36.660
And she goes on to say, just so you know,

462
00:26:36.660 --> 00:26:39.620
all forms of hatred begin with self-hatred.

463
00:26:39.620 --> 00:26:44.620
You can't hate someone else without first hating yourself.

464
00:26:45.480 --> 00:26:47.960
Abrasiveness, short temper, irritability,

465
00:26:47.960 --> 00:26:50.940
jealousy, envy, competitiveness, comparing,

466
00:26:50.940 --> 00:26:54.300
gossiping, backstabbing, being unhappy, ungrateful,

467
00:26:54.300 --> 00:26:57.620
selfishness, having a poverty mentality.

468
00:26:57.640 --> 00:26:59.920
So in any way, shape, or form,

469
00:26:59.920 --> 00:27:02.280
poverty mentality isn't always money.

470
00:27:02.280 --> 00:27:03.720
A lot of times it is.

471
00:27:03.720 --> 00:27:06.180
But y'all, even poverty mentality is like,

472
00:27:06.180 --> 00:27:09.440
when we talk about even having scarcity mindsets

473
00:27:09.440 --> 00:27:11.040
regarding there's not enough good men

474
00:27:11.040 --> 00:27:13.880
or there's not enough good women or whatever,

475
00:27:13.880 --> 00:27:16.500
there's, you know, God always skips me over.

476
00:27:16.500 --> 00:27:18.840
He blesses everybody else and he doesn't bless me.

477
00:27:18.840 --> 00:27:21.200
Those are poverty-limiting beliefs

478
00:27:21.200 --> 00:27:24.740
and it partners with that scarcity mindset.

479
00:27:25.880 --> 00:27:26.720
Here's some more.

480
00:27:26.740 --> 00:27:30.380
If you are habitually negative, unfaithful,

481
00:27:30.380 --> 00:27:33.340
or have any form of dis, including dis-ease,

482
00:27:33.340 --> 00:27:36.860
disconnection, discontent, and disappointment,

483
00:27:36.860 --> 00:27:39.900
you are suffering from a broken heart.

484
00:27:39.900 --> 00:27:40.900
I could go on and on.

485
00:27:40.900 --> 00:27:44.600
As you can see, what we often believe is the problem

486
00:27:44.600 --> 00:27:48.020
is just the fruit of the real problem.

487
00:27:50.540 --> 00:27:54.020
Gayle, the page that that is on in the physical book

488
00:27:54.040 --> 00:27:56.720
is 70 and 71.

489
00:27:56.720 --> 00:27:59.160
And so that's for anybody else who wanted to know that too.

490
00:27:59.160 --> 00:28:00.680
But that's not the ebook page.

491
00:28:00.680 --> 00:28:01.920
So if y'all have the ebook,

492
00:28:01.920 --> 00:28:03.720
you'll just have to look, you know,

493
00:28:03.720 --> 00:28:05.960
for that in the chapters and you'll see it.

494
00:28:05.960 --> 00:28:08.840
It's one of the bold-faced things.

495
00:28:08.840 --> 00:28:13.840
So, okay, here's kind of my thing to tie it together.

496
00:28:14.240 --> 00:28:16.880
Jackie posted something in the groups today

497
00:28:18.020 --> 00:28:20.560
about it being the first day of spring.

498
00:28:20.560 --> 00:28:23.040
Praise the Lord, spring is here.

499
00:28:23.040 --> 00:28:25.740
Now I live in Florida, so it's been beautiful

500
00:28:25.740 --> 00:28:27.420
the whole time when y'all have been experiencing

501
00:28:27.420 --> 00:28:29.300
some of the cold weather where you're at,

502
00:28:29.300 --> 00:28:33.860
but it is spring and we wanna step into the new season.

503
00:28:33.860 --> 00:28:36.420
So that's kind of where I started tonight, if you remember.

504
00:28:36.420 --> 00:28:37.980
And with the whole identity thing,

505
00:28:37.980 --> 00:28:40.340
like in order to step into our new season,

506
00:28:40.340 --> 00:28:42.500
man, let's get an upgrade in our understanding

507
00:28:42.500 --> 00:28:46.620
of our identity in Christ, not our identity in people,

508
00:28:46.620 --> 00:28:49.780
not what we perceive just of ourselves,

509
00:28:49.780 --> 00:28:53.500
but God, who do you say that I am?

510
00:28:54.480 --> 00:28:56.240
Who do you say?

511
00:28:56.240 --> 00:28:58.600
Who did you originally create me to be

512
00:28:58.600 --> 00:29:02.160
and help me to step further into that every day,

513
00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:03.280
that person?

514
00:29:04.120 --> 00:29:08.080
Y'all, the original design that God intended for you,

515
00:29:08.080 --> 00:29:10.320
what we say in this community,

516
00:29:10.320 --> 00:29:13.520
what that means is before sin and trauma

517
00:29:13.520 --> 00:29:16.680
ever entered your life.

518
00:29:16.680 --> 00:29:19.860
So we, at least from my perspective,

519
00:29:19.860 --> 00:29:23.020
I can only perceive slightly what that look,

520
00:29:23.020 --> 00:29:25.900
what that version of Bethany looks like.

521
00:29:25.900 --> 00:29:28.740
So that's why every day I need to ask the Lord,

522
00:29:28.740 --> 00:29:32.780
help me to become more like who you saw.

523
00:29:32.780 --> 00:29:35.700
Like the day that God created us,

524
00:29:35.700 --> 00:29:36.980
y'all, this is how he felt.

525
00:29:36.980 --> 00:29:39.540
He's like, oh, Shannon.

526
00:29:39.540 --> 00:29:42.380
Man, I'm so excited to create Shannon.

527
00:29:42.380 --> 00:29:44.860
I've got this and I'm putting this in her

528
00:29:44.860 --> 00:29:46.580
and I see this dream for her

529
00:29:47.400 --> 00:29:49.080
and I have this anointing and this calling for her

530
00:29:49.080 --> 00:29:51.160
and she's gonna go into the world

531
00:29:51.160 --> 00:29:54.800
and she's gonna help these kind of people.

532
00:29:54.800 --> 00:29:58.220
You know, he was excited when he made us,

533
00:29:58.220 --> 00:30:00.000
but we believe he...

534
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.480
He's, you know, doesn't like to hear from us.

535
00:30:02.480 --> 00:30:06.660
And if we ask God for anything, we're annoying him and all these things.

536
00:30:06.680 --> 00:30:08.700
Why do we think that stuff you all?

537
00:30:08.700 --> 00:30:09.200
Why?

538
00:30:09.520 --> 00:30:15.900
Because at some point, somebody that was supposed to care for us, even

539
00:30:15.900 --> 00:30:20.000
if they were doing their best again, remember my mom's story, she was

540
00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:23.900
actually doing her best and sometimes people's best isn't super healthy

541
00:30:23.900 --> 00:30:24.540
though, either.

542
00:30:24.620 --> 00:30:25.020
Okay.

543
00:30:25.220 --> 00:30:26.780
So let's acknowledge that.

544
00:30:27.780 --> 00:30:32.620
But sometimes they're trying to do their best, but maybe their best is being

545
00:30:32.620 --> 00:30:34.860
conveyed through their own brokenness.

546
00:30:36.220 --> 00:30:40.100
And so they said something along the way that made us feel like

547
00:30:40.140 --> 00:30:42.020
we annoyed them as their kid.

548
00:30:44.340 --> 00:30:45.620
I feel the Holy spirit on this.

549
00:30:45.620 --> 00:30:46.940
So I'm going to linger for a minute.

550
00:30:48.940 --> 00:30:50.380
Let's just activate you a minute.

551
00:30:50.860 --> 00:30:54.660
I want to see how many of you have ever, maybe it's not a parent, but

552
00:30:54.660 --> 00:30:57.940
maybe it was a teacher, maybe it was a friend.

553
00:30:58.660 --> 00:31:04.540
I want to see how many people believe that you have annoyed people that you loved.

554
00:31:10.220 --> 00:31:12.900
A lot of us, here's the thing.

555
00:31:13.460 --> 00:31:15.580
Can I just share a little secret with you?

556
00:31:16.860 --> 00:31:20.660
You're going to annoy your spouse one day and it's okay.

557
00:31:20.660 --> 00:31:22.700
Cause that's just how life is.

558
00:31:22.740 --> 00:31:23.300
Okay.

559
00:31:23.660 --> 00:31:26.300
But let's not believe the lie.

560
00:31:26.340 --> 00:31:27.260
Here's the difference.

561
00:31:27.260 --> 00:31:28.140
Thank you, Jesus.

562
00:31:28.180 --> 00:31:35.820
I just heard the Lord say, um, there's a difference between being annoying and

563
00:31:35.820 --> 00:31:44.540
annoying someone, being annoying inside of us is something that we actually align

564
00:31:44.540 --> 00:31:49.460
with and we believe it's a part of who we are, like a character definition.

565
00:31:49.500 --> 00:31:53.580
Whether we like mean to or not, that that's something some of us believe

566
00:31:53.580 --> 00:31:59.500
subconsciously, because again, somewhere along the way, something happened that

567
00:31:59.500 --> 00:32:05.820
caused us to believe that we were annoying or, you know, that, you know,

568
00:32:05.860 --> 00:32:11.460
anytime we needed anything, we should feel bad for that thing that we need,

569
00:32:11.460 --> 00:32:16.660
whether that's love or food or affection or whatever I don't know about you all.

570
00:32:16.660 --> 00:32:22.220
But when I was married the first time, heaven forbid, I wanted a hug or, you

571
00:32:22.220 --> 00:32:27.220
know, just love and affection that was withheld on purpose from me.

572
00:32:27.780 --> 00:32:28.540
That's hard.

573
00:32:28.580 --> 00:32:29.100
Right.

574
00:32:29.660 --> 00:32:30.660
But guess what?

575
00:32:30.660 --> 00:32:32.260
That's not how it is for me now.

576
00:32:32.300 --> 00:32:36.020
So I'm just going to speak that over all of you that have experienced that ever in

577
00:32:36.020 --> 00:32:36.660
your life.

578
00:32:36.980 --> 00:32:41.460
God has something better for you and somebody better for you that will, will

579
00:32:41.460 --> 00:32:44.180
not withhold love from you or affection.

580
00:32:44.180 --> 00:32:49.700
But also the flip side of this is we've got to get healthy as an individual before

581
00:32:49.700 --> 00:32:53.820
we go into relationship, because if we don't, and we're super needy and broken,

582
00:32:54.140 --> 00:32:57.500
and even when they love us, it's just not enough ever.

583
00:32:58.220 --> 00:32:59.020
That's on us.

584
00:32:59.060 --> 00:33:04.540
We got to heal so that we don't become like that on other people where it's just

585
00:33:04.540 --> 00:33:08.420
constantly pulling on them and pulling on them and pulling on them.

586
00:33:08.420 --> 00:33:08.940
Right.

587
00:33:09.180 --> 00:33:10.220
So let's get healthy.

588
00:33:10.220 --> 00:33:16.620
So two individuals who are healthy can make a great partner team together and be

589
00:33:16.620 --> 00:33:17.180
strong.

590
00:33:17.900 --> 00:33:18.500
All right.

591
00:33:18.740 --> 00:33:23.420
So spring, stepping into spring, let's get some new identity.

592
00:33:23.780 --> 00:33:25.380
Jackie put in the groups today.

593
00:33:26.180 --> 00:33:28.060
What did you learn in the last season?

594
00:33:28.780 --> 00:33:29.980
I want you all to be thinking about it.

595
00:33:30.180 --> 00:33:33.860
Let's not just look at what we still need to accomplish, but what did we already

596
00:33:33.860 --> 00:33:34.580
accomplish?

597
00:33:34.580 --> 00:33:36.020
What did we already accomplish?

598
00:33:36.020 --> 00:33:38.260
How many of you actually, let me do another thing.

599
00:33:39.300 --> 00:33:42.380
How many of you, I'm going to lower all hands before I do this.

600
00:33:44.580 --> 00:33:48.380
How many of you celebrated yourself?

601
00:33:49.060 --> 00:33:52.700
And I'm going to do a short timeframe here because this, this is intentional.

602
00:33:53.060 --> 00:33:55.660
How many of you have actually celebrated yourself?

603
00:33:55.660 --> 00:34:01.100
What I mean by that is you've celebrated a win, like you were proud of yourself.

604
00:34:01.100 --> 00:34:02.420
You've celebrated a win.

605
00:34:02.420 --> 00:34:05.020
You did like, okay, wait, don't lift, don't lift hands yet.

606
00:34:05.060 --> 00:34:05.780
Wait, wait, wait.

607
00:34:06.020 --> 00:34:12.940
I want, I'm going to give you a timeframe in the last day, literally within the

608
00:34:12.940 --> 00:34:18.060
last 24 hours, you've been like, man, I'm proud of you.

609
00:34:18.219 --> 00:34:19.420
I mean, I see David's name.

610
00:34:19.580 --> 00:34:20.780
I'm proud of you, David.

611
00:34:20.980 --> 00:34:25.739
I'm so, I'm so excited that I accomplished, you know, whether it was a fitness

612
00:34:25.739 --> 00:34:29.139
goal or I read my Bible, I spent time with the Lord.

613
00:34:29.139 --> 00:34:29.420
Okay.

614
00:34:29.420 --> 00:34:32.940
So we have some people that are good at celebrating themselves.

615
00:34:32.980 --> 00:34:33.620
Awesome.

616
00:34:33.699 --> 00:34:34.219
Okay.

617
00:34:35.100 --> 00:34:40.420
So now I just want to talk to the people that might not have done that.

618
00:34:41.860 --> 00:34:47.820
I want you to ask the Lord, not me, not somebody else, not even yourself.

619
00:34:47.940 --> 00:34:52.580
I want you to ask the Lord, what is it that you want to accomplish?

620
00:34:53.100 --> 00:34:56.100
I want you to ask the Lord, why?

621
00:34:56.780 --> 00:35:00.060
Lord, can you reveal to me why I struggle?

622
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.400
to celebrate myself because here's the thing when we struggle to celebrate

623
00:35:06.400 --> 00:35:09.280
ourselves guess what we're gonna struggle to celebrate other people too

624
00:35:09.280 --> 00:35:14.880
and typically when we struggle to celebrate ourselves it's because it

625
00:35:14.880 --> 00:35:18.980
goes back to kind of that self-hatred thing I read about a little bit ago we

626
00:35:18.980 --> 00:35:25.720
don't actually like ourselves and I know a lot of you be like oh church I like

627
00:35:25.720 --> 00:35:32.920
myself I love myself okay I love myself too but at one point in my journey I had

628
00:35:32.920 --> 00:35:37.480
to actually admit to myself the areas that I didn't like about myself and

629
00:35:37.480 --> 00:35:41.160
that's when I started getting breakthrough because I was being honest

630
00:35:41.160 --> 00:35:47.240
with myself and I was being honest with God and I'm not just I'm not just

631
00:35:47.240 --> 00:35:51.920
talking about the you know the body shame stuff that people do I am talking

632
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:56.560
about that that's included in there but what I'm talking about is genuinely like

633
00:35:56.560 --> 00:36:04.680
man not in a prideful way but just like gosh like Eva I'm so I'm so excited

634
00:36:04.680 --> 00:36:09.200
about that step that you took to get out of your comfort zone I don't I'm just

635
00:36:09.200 --> 00:36:12.160
pulling people's names as God is highlighting people to me but you know

636
00:36:12.160 --> 00:36:17.800
where we're really like gosh it was hard to go on that speed dating event and and

637
00:36:17.800 --> 00:36:22.240
I did it and I talked to people and like where you're like celebrating it

638
00:36:22.240 --> 00:36:28.720
not how many men got your number yeah that's cool but like the fact that you

639
00:36:28.720 --> 00:36:33.580
that you went and did something that maybe you haven't done before or you

640
00:36:33.580 --> 00:36:38.160
know you you did practice having you know that eye contact with the men we

641
00:36:38.160 --> 00:36:41.880
talked men just if you don't know we talked about this in the women's group

642
00:36:41.880 --> 00:36:47.200
this is something that God has really just shown me I used to be so afraid

643
00:36:47.240 --> 00:36:53.080
because I was traumatized by so many men in my life I couldn't even look at men

644
00:36:53.080 --> 00:37:00.160
in the eye I even kind men I would look away like and God had to really help me

645
00:37:00.160 --> 00:37:05.840
come out of that and now I'm just like I can shake a guy's hand confident I can

646
00:37:05.840 --> 00:37:12.160
look him in the eye I can talk but it took work it took practice and it took

647
00:37:12.160 --> 00:37:18.080
healing and here because I see myself way different now than I did back then

648
00:37:18.080 --> 00:37:24.760
all right I think I've planted almost enough seeds I have one more Jackie said

649
00:37:24.760 --> 00:37:32.440
what are you leaving behind and winter winter is over so as the Phoenix is

650
00:37:32.440 --> 00:37:38.720
rising it's you know coming up out of the ashes it's burning the nest if you

651
00:37:38.720 --> 00:37:43.560
will so God's gonna I believe come in and kind of burn up our comfort zone get

652
00:37:43.560 --> 00:37:48.760
us out of our our little nest and places of you know negativity and you know the

653
00:37:48.760 --> 00:37:52.640
winter it's you know I don't know about any of y'all it's it can be cut well

654
00:37:52.640 --> 00:37:55.560
Florida thankfully is more sunny which I'm so glad I moved here but when I

655
00:37:55.560 --> 00:38:00.480
lived in Ohio or Indiana and it was just gray all the time in the winter it was

656
00:38:00.480 --> 00:38:05.800
hard I was just like where is the Sun God I need the Sun I literally would

657
00:38:05.800 --> 00:38:11.400
talk to him about that please God let the Sun shine tomorrow right but

658
00:38:11.400 --> 00:38:16.960
winter's over so now what are you gonna do with the spring what are you leaving

659
00:38:16.960 --> 00:38:21.840
behind in the winter and deciding like hey I'm gonna be somebody different

660
00:38:21.840 --> 00:38:27.760
tomorrow I'm not just for a moment but like literally like I'm gonna Lord I'm

661
00:38:27.760 --> 00:38:32.520
gonna do what it takes to continue to connect to you to use the tools that I

662
00:38:32.520 --> 00:38:36.000
learned in heartwork yep I want y'all to keep using the tools you learned in

663
00:38:36.000 --> 00:38:40.120
heartwork that's why I'm here tonight I'm your cheerleader Jackie's your

664
00:38:40.120 --> 00:38:43.480
cheerleader and you're dating and I am too but I'm here cheering you on in your

665
00:38:43.480 --> 00:38:48.280
heartwork because heartwork is a lifestyle not the ICU heartwork a

666
00:38:48.280 --> 00:38:54.760
bootcamp but heartwork is a lifestyle every day we can become I want upgrades

667
00:38:54.760 --> 00:39:01.080
from heaven every day I want a new body I want a new mind I want a new spirit

668
00:39:01.200 --> 00:39:07.360
every day and we can have that y'all can have that so now I'm gonna open the

669
00:39:07.360 --> 00:39:12.400
heartwork seat hopefully I've tossed enough out there to kind of get some

670
00:39:12.400 --> 00:39:16.320
things stirred up and y'all hopefully I didn't hurt anybody too much bringing up

671
00:39:16.320 --> 00:39:21.680
you know pain and all that stuff but if you are super triggered I want you to

672
00:39:21.680 --> 00:39:27.720
know that you don't have to stay there and God's got you and he'll help you

673
00:39:27.720 --> 00:39:30.920
work through anything that's gotten stirred up and maybe a little bit too

674
00:39:30.920 --> 00:39:36.000
much if that's the case for you Lauren I would love to hear your question or your

675
00:39:36.000 --> 00:39:46.040
thoughts or whatever you have to share I just wanted to ask okay I just wanted to

676
00:39:46.040 --> 00:39:53.640
ask a question about dealing with grief and having a capacity to continue moving

677
00:39:53.640 --> 00:40:01.880
ahead and moving forward and grieving at the same time there's a couple things

678
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.260
that are bringing grief into my life.

679
00:40:01.260 --> 00:40:02.620
One of them is my grandmother,

680
00:40:02.620 --> 00:40:04.980
who is like my bestest friend in the whole world,

681
00:40:04.980 --> 00:40:08.380
is they're expected to go any day now.

682
00:40:08.380 --> 00:40:10.240
And we've been saying our goodbyes.

683
00:40:10.240 --> 00:40:13.840
And so my capacity for being on apps

684
00:40:13.840 --> 00:40:17.280
and dating has been very, very low.

685
00:40:17.280 --> 00:40:19.440
But I don't wanna stay there either.

686
00:40:19.440 --> 00:40:22.040
So I was curious about balance

687
00:40:22.040 --> 00:40:27.040
and how to process through that part as I'm moving forward.

688
00:40:27.880 --> 00:40:29.920
Yeah, man, that's such a great question.

689
00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:31.620
And here's my honest response.

690
00:40:31.620 --> 00:40:35.120
I think, A, first ask the Lord

691
00:40:35.120 --> 00:40:36.900
what your capacity is right now.

692
00:40:37.760 --> 00:40:40.800
And I say that because I don't know if y'all know,

693
00:40:40.800 --> 00:40:45.320
but the same day my dad got sick, I got real sick.

694
00:40:45.320 --> 00:40:46.880
Or I'm sorry, the day my dad passed away,

695
00:40:46.880 --> 00:40:48.200
I got really, really sick.

696
00:40:48.200 --> 00:40:52.480
And I was sick for, felt like forever, you all.

697
00:40:52.480 --> 00:40:55.920
And I couldn't even hardly do work.

698
00:40:56.240 --> 00:40:58.880
I couldn't, I was trying to focus on the computer.

699
00:40:58.880 --> 00:41:02.400
I literally couldn't even, I felt like I couldn't do stuff.

700
00:41:02.400 --> 00:41:04.680
And I'm saying that to you to say this.

701
00:41:05.660 --> 00:41:10.280
I had to admit to myself that I just was at capacity

702
00:41:10.280 --> 00:41:12.300
for however long that took.

703
00:41:12.300 --> 00:41:14.320
And that was hard to do,

704
00:41:14.320 --> 00:41:15.320
because I'm a go-getter.

705
00:41:15.320 --> 00:41:17.220
I like to be active.

706
00:41:17.220 --> 00:41:18.880
I like to be doing stuff.

707
00:41:18.880 --> 00:41:22.900
And I just was laid out for like a week, at least.

708
00:41:23.860 --> 00:41:27.220
And so I think grief is very similar.

709
00:41:27.220 --> 00:41:28.800
Like every time I've been sick,

710
00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:30.700
it's been a little different.

711
00:41:30.700 --> 00:41:32.940
Every time I've lost someone I love,

712
00:41:32.940 --> 00:41:34.300
it's a little different.

713
00:41:34.300 --> 00:41:35.820
When I lost my grandfather,

714
00:41:35.820 --> 00:41:38.540
my grandfather was really the one that showed up

715
00:41:38.540 --> 00:41:42.540
like my dad, like as a dad, as close as a dad could be.

716
00:41:42.540 --> 00:41:45.060
And when he passed away, it took me longer.

717
00:41:45.060 --> 00:41:48.580
And some days I would, you know,

718
00:41:48.580 --> 00:41:52.420
in the morning be happy and by the evening be sobbing.

719
00:41:53.260 --> 00:41:55.820
And I wasn't trying to date at that time.

720
00:41:55.820 --> 00:41:57.940
I was actually, that was in my former marriage.

721
00:41:57.940 --> 00:42:00.100
But one of the things I will say is that

722
00:42:01.540 --> 00:42:05.180
if you do slightly press pause for right now,

723
00:42:05.180 --> 00:42:07.140
it doesn't mean you're putting yourself in timeout.

724
00:42:07.140 --> 00:42:08.900
It means that you're giving yourself

725
00:42:08.900 --> 00:42:11.740
capacity to process, right?

726
00:42:11.740 --> 00:42:16.420
So for example, the reason I shared that about my dad,

727
00:42:16.420 --> 00:42:18.700
it's not that I haven't had stuff to process, y'all.

728
00:42:18.700 --> 00:42:20.300
I did, I cried.

729
00:42:20.300 --> 00:42:23.340
You know, I've mourned more for my dad

730
00:42:23.340 --> 00:42:27.580
over the relationship we never got to have

731
00:42:27.580 --> 00:42:29.980
versus him passing.

732
00:42:31.540 --> 00:42:33.820
And so that's just looked a little different.

733
00:42:33.820 --> 00:42:35.660
And for me, the other thing,

734
00:42:35.660 --> 00:42:38.180
and maybe some of y'all will relate to this,

735
00:42:39.580 --> 00:42:42.100
the one day someone that doesn't really know my story,

736
00:42:42.100 --> 00:42:44.020
cause we pastor a church here in Florida

737
00:42:44.020 --> 00:42:45.660
and the people are still getting to know us.

738
00:42:45.660 --> 00:42:47.580
They just don't know a lot about us yet.

739
00:42:47.620 --> 00:42:50.620
And this woman came up and she was like crying,

740
00:42:51.660 --> 00:42:54.340
sad, you know, heard that I lost my dad.

741
00:42:54.340 --> 00:42:57.020
And I was just standing there like,

742
00:42:57.020 --> 00:42:58.780
I don't, in my mind thinking,

743
00:42:58.780 --> 00:43:01.980
I don't feel what she feels right now.

744
00:43:01.980 --> 00:43:03.540
And this feels awkward.

745
00:43:04.540 --> 00:43:05.740
You know, that was just in my head,

746
00:43:05.740 --> 00:43:08.400
but that's how I was, that's what I was processing.

747
00:43:09.260 --> 00:43:12.860
And so the reason I'm sharing this with you is that

748
00:43:12.860 --> 00:43:15.740
sometimes other people feel something

749
00:43:15.740 --> 00:43:19.620
because of what they felt when they lost someone.

750
00:43:19.620 --> 00:43:21.940
And that kind of gets projected.

751
00:43:21.940 --> 00:43:24.500
And not that that's to necessarily answer your question,

752
00:43:24.500 --> 00:43:27.220
but like for anybody else that's hearing this too,

753
00:43:27.220 --> 00:43:30.460
like just know that whatever you feel

754
00:43:30.460 --> 00:43:31.780
and however you feel it

755
00:43:31.780 --> 00:43:36.500
and however long it takes you to process it is okay.

756
00:43:36.500 --> 00:43:39.220
And everybody grieves differently.

757
00:43:39.220 --> 00:43:40.740
So if you have siblings

758
00:43:40.740 --> 00:43:44.100
that are also going through this process,

759
00:43:44.100 --> 00:43:46.340
they may grieve totally different than you

760
00:43:46.340 --> 00:43:48.380
and all of the things.

761
00:43:48.380 --> 00:43:51.020
And so I'm not sure if I answered fully your question.

762
00:43:51.020 --> 00:43:54.580
Did I answer what you were hoping to get out of that?

763
00:43:54.580 --> 00:43:57.140
The one thing that I would also say

764
00:43:57.140 --> 00:43:59.500
since I'm in here doing a heart work tonight

765
00:43:59.500 --> 00:44:01.300
is one of the most important things

766
00:44:01.300 --> 00:44:04.740
that I've learned from grieving loss of loved ones

767
00:44:04.740 --> 00:44:07.500
or even just, you know, friends or whatever.

768
00:44:07.500 --> 00:44:10.500
Like if a friend, thank you, Lord.

769
00:44:10.500 --> 00:44:13.020
You know, I've had friends that literally

770
00:44:13.020 --> 00:44:17.900
for no reason y'all genuinely have left my life

771
00:44:17.900 --> 00:44:20.900
and just like not been a friend anymore.

772
00:44:20.900 --> 00:44:22.980
And so people can grieve that kind of stuff too.

773
00:44:22.980 --> 00:44:24.580
And so I think it's important to bring that in,

774
00:44:24.580 --> 00:44:25.580
not that it's the same,

775
00:44:25.580 --> 00:44:30.020
but it can feel like somebody died, right?

776
00:44:30.020 --> 00:44:33.020
When somebody is abruptly kind of just gone from your life.

777
00:44:33.020 --> 00:44:37.820
And so what I was gonna say is that

778
00:44:37.820 --> 00:44:39.740
just give yourself a lot of grace

779
00:44:39.740 --> 00:44:42.700
and don't put a lot of expectations on yourself.

780
00:44:43.380 --> 00:44:45.300
If you feel like getting on the dating app one day

781
00:44:45.300 --> 00:44:47.180
and chatting, then do it.

782
00:44:47.180 --> 00:44:49.540
And if you don't, then don't.

783
00:44:49.540 --> 00:44:51.300
You know, if you have conversations going on

784
00:44:51.300 --> 00:44:53.620
with someone that are actually going well,

785
00:44:53.620 --> 00:44:55.540
you might wanna let them know like,

786
00:44:55.540 --> 00:44:59.180
hey, you know, I'm just gonna like take a break

787
00:44:59.180 --> 00:45:00.020
for a little bit,

788
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.060
processing, some family things, you don't need to tell them that

789
00:45:03.060 --> 00:45:05.760
you're grieving a parent, you know, those are the kind of

790
00:45:05.760 --> 00:45:07.540
things you don't have to get into when you all are just

791
00:45:07.540 --> 00:45:10.900
chatting on the dating app, but just, you know, and if if they're

792
00:45:10.900 --> 00:45:16.660
a healthy person, they'll understand. Yeah. Good question.

793
00:45:16.700 --> 00:45:21.660
Anyone else? Anyone else got any stuff they're stuck in and you

794
00:45:21.660 --> 00:45:26.220
need some insight on maybe why you're stuck? All right, Mandy.

795
00:45:26.220 --> 00:45:34.560
Hi. Howdy. So as we inch closer and closer to this wedding, we're

796
00:45:34.560 --> 00:45:39.360
like 63 days away or something. I am realizing that my

797
00:45:39.360 --> 00:45:43.720
relationship with money is and how always has been pretty

798
00:45:43.720 --> 00:45:49.160
negative. And Matt is really positive. And he sees money as

799
00:45:49.160 --> 00:45:53.960
a tool and he's good with money. But anytime money comes up,

800
00:45:54.820 --> 00:45:57.860
which it does a lot when you're planning a wedding, and trying

801
00:45:57.860 --> 00:46:02.260
to blend families and children and buy new houses and all of

802
00:46:02.260 --> 00:46:07.980
that, like it just I just when I pray about it, when I journal

803
00:46:07.980 --> 00:46:11.020
about it, it just keeps coming back to like, I need to break

804
00:46:11.020 --> 00:46:16.540
up with my relationship with money. And I just I don't know

805
00:46:16.540 --> 00:46:20.300
how to break out of like, I don't know the I've asked for

806
00:46:20.300 --> 00:46:24.440
God to like review where this like to reveal to me where this

807
00:46:24.440 --> 00:46:27.480
is stemming from. Yeah, only thing that I can think of is

808
00:46:27.480 --> 00:46:32.320
that my parents have always fought had always fought about

809
00:46:32.320 --> 00:46:36.840
money when I was a kid. And up until my dad passed away, and

810
00:46:36.840 --> 00:46:42.720
then in my former marriage, it was always a huge point of

811
00:46:42.720 --> 00:46:49.120
contention. And even part of like what brought up about the

812
00:46:49.120 --> 00:46:56.020
divorce. And so I don't know if like, if it's a new or so I

813
00:46:56.020 --> 00:47:00.780
just, and it could be anything, I guess. Because I don't really

814
00:47:00.780 --> 00:47:05.020
care what the root is so much as just like, how do I sever that

815
00:47:05.020 --> 00:47:08.580
and like bind it up and put a pretty bow on it and move

816
00:47:08.580 --> 00:47:13.340
forward and be able to see money that is God's resource and a

817
00:47:13.340 --> 00:47:16.700
tool that he's allowing me to use. I don't know where the

818
00:47:16.700 --> 00:47:20.680
disconnect is, like, how can I say that? But I, it doesn't,

819
00:47:20.680 --> 00:47:24.040
it's not real to me anytime a conversation has to happen.

820
00:47:24.520 --> 00:47:27.200
Yeah, these are great questions. So the first thing that I would

821
00:47:27.200 --> 00:47:31.680
say is, I really think you got to go step by step. So like, for

822
00:47:31.680 --> 00:47:35.720
example, um, when you mentioned the former marriage and huge

823
00:47:35.720 --> 00:47:40.360
contention there, even if you've worked through healing and that

824
00:47:40.400 --> 00:47:44.720
stuff before, you're in a totally different space now in

825
00:47:44.720 --> 00:47:47.980
dynamic and situation. And so, as you're saying, as kind of

826
00:47:47.980 --> 00:47:52.380
that pressure is getting applied in a new way. And it's not a bad

827
00:47:52.380 --> 00:47:55.400
pressure, but it's a good pressure. It's it's causing

828
00:47:55.400 --> 00:47:59.500
things to come up now, which is a new layer of healing.

829
00:47:59.500 --> 00:48:02.100
Remember, I said that earlier, so I would encourage you to go

830
00:48:02.100 --> 00:48:06.940
back to the revealing for healing cycle. And just start

831
00:48:06.940 --> 00:48:10.100
with the first emotion, like how the cycle or the lie that's

832
00:48:10.100 --> 00:48:12.540
coming up, you know, like, what is the lie that you're

833
00:48:12.540 --> 00:48:15.780
experiencing when you're feeling that, you know, stuff

834
00:48:15.780 --> 00:48:19.600
regarding money? Is it? Well, let me ask you this, too, when

835
00:48:19.600 --> 00:48:24.720
you have this stuff going on regarding money? How do you

836
00:48:24.720 --> 00:48:28.620
feel? Do you feel panic? Do you feel fear? Do you feel angry? Do

837
00:48:28.620 --> 00:48:31.320
you feel like what is the feeling happening emotion?

838
00:48:31.760 --> 00:48:36.520
Probably a combination of like, anxiousness, like anxiety, or,

839
00:48:37.080 --> 00:48:41.460
oh, I hate to say this out loud, but like shame, because I'm not

840
00:48:41.480 --> 00:48:44.600
financially free, or you know what I mean? I haven't made good

841
00:48:44.760 --> 00:48:49.920
money choices. Or if I've tried, those were taken by my former

842
00:48:49.920 --> 00:48:52.440
husband's, you know what I mean? Like things like that. So I

843
00:48:52.440 --> 00:48:56.160
think it's both anxiety, because I think there was a part of me

844
00:48:56.160 --> 00:48:59.640
when I decided to leave that I felt like I will never be

845
00:48:59.640 --> 00:49:04.560
caught. I don't for lack of a better word with my pants down

846
00:49:04.560 --> 00:49:08.240
again, like I will ensure that my kids and I can eat and that

847
00:49:08.240 --> 00:49:12.380
we are not in in our in danger of losing our housing, you know

848
00:49:12.380 --> 00:49:16.180
what I mean? Things like that, that we had experienced. And so

849
00:49:16.180 --> 00:49:20.340
it was more like I will not will not. And so I feel like there's

850
00:49:20.340 --> 00:49:23.580
a part of it that's control, even though I've really sorted

851
00:49:23.580 --> 00:49:26.660
out that with the Lord, and I freely give and you know what

852
00:49:26.660 --> 00:49:27.580
I'm saying? Like,

853
00:49:27.740 --> 00:49:30.980
well, you're you're gonna be giving someone trust again.

854
00:49:32.300 --> 00:49:37.020
Right. And so as we enter this new level, and let me let me

855
00:49:37.020 --> 00:49:39.120
tell you this. So interestingly enough, I don't know if you

856
00:49:39.120 --> 00:49:41.600
know this about me. But that was one of my big struggles and

857
00:49:41.600 --> 00:49:45.120
concerns and pursuing the relationship and marriage with

858
00:49:45.120 --> 00:49:48.080
Brian, not because Brian Brian's amazing with money. But because

859
00:49:48.080 --> 00:49:52.360
of all the trauma I went through with money with my ex, I got

860
00:49:52.600 --> 00:49:55.680
truck repoed and houses we got evicted from like he couldn't

861
00:49:55.680 --> 00:49:59.280
keep a job and I like I had a great job. I was good with

862
00:49:59.280 --> 00:49:59.680
money.

863
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.420
But like we just went through the ringer over and over because of his decisions.

864
00:50:04.420 --> 00:50:10.080
And, and so, um, and then some other thing, big, huge financial things that

865
00:50:10.080 --> 00:50:12.820
he caused that hurt my whole family.

866
00:50:13.220 --> 00:50:19.720
Um, and so over and over, you know, even we're two and a half years in, and I'm

867
00:50:19.720 --> 00:50:26.880
still processing being comfortable letting him, you know, have, like

868
00:50:26.880 --> 00:50:28.880
bringing more into that union.

869
00:50:28.880 --> 00:50:31.080
Does that make sense what I'm saying?

870
00:50:31.560 --> 00:50:35.920
So it's like learning to trust more, learning to trust more, choosing to know

871
00:50:35.920 --> 00:50:39.800
that, okay, like this, this person isn't the same as the other person, you know,

872
00:50:39.800 --> 00:50:43.000
where you're really allowing God to come in and give that truth.

873
00:50:43.240 --> 00:50:49.020
But the only way through, uh, is to continue to process that pain from the

874
00:50:49.020 --> 00:50:54.320
past I wrote down, I don't know, and I'm not saying you have this, but I wrote

875
00:50:54.320 --> 00:51:03.200
down PTSD because when we go through traumas like that, where money is a,

876
00:51:03.320 --> 00:51:05.940
you know, you said you grew up, your parents always thought about money.

877
00:51:05.940 --> 00:51:08.700
And then you said until my dad passed away.

878
00:51:08.700 --> 00:51:12.060
And for whatever reason, I'm just wondering if there was also financial

879
00:51:12.060 --> 00:51:13.780
strain after your dad passed away.

880
00:51:14.000 --> 00:51:17.020
So I don't know if there was, but that came up in my spirit when you said that.

881
00:51:17.360 --> 00:51:20.240
And then you said my former marriage and there was all this huge

882
00:51:20.240 --> 00:51:22.620
contention around money over and over.

883
00:51:22.620 --> 00:51:26.040
So that's reinforcing what you had already experienced as a kid.

884
00:51:26.280 --> 00:51:28.440
And it's starting to create a stronghold now.

885
00:51:28.820 --> 00:51:32.480
And so now what you're, what's happening is God's trying to help you come out of

886
00:51:32.480 --> 00:51:38.220
that stronghold place, and that's why it takes time because you're, you're breaking

887
00:51:38.520 --> 00:51:39.720
through the power of the Holy spirit.

888
00:51:39.720 --> 00:51:41.160
Those walls are coming down.

889
00:51:41.520 --> 00:51:41.960
Right.

890
00:51:42.160 --> 00:51:46.420
And you're getting free and free a little bit more every time you're going in and

891
00:51:46.420 --> 00:51:48.540
okay, Lord, this is what's coming up.

892
00:51:49.020 --> 00:51:51.120
Not just, not just that lump sum.

893
00:51:51.120 --> 00:51:51.680
Okay.

894
00:51:52.060 --> 00:51:56.580
Former marriage, huge contention, but what are the actual things that are coming up?

895
00:51:57.140 --> 00:52:02.020
Like specific things that happened with your ex that you would then use that

896
00:52:02.020 --> 00:52:05.700
revealing for healing cycle, but also the forgiveness prayer sheet and just

897
00:52:05.700 --> 00:52:07.540
keep processing those things out.

898
00:52:08.240 --> 00:52:12.460
Well, and I think something came up when, as you were talking, like the

899
00:52:12.460 --> 00:52:17.700
light bulb went on, or I heard in my spirit, I saw, I saw a conversation.

900
00:52:17.700 --> 00:52:24.720
I saw a very, um, vividly a conversation with my mom about how, um,

901
00:52:26.700 --> 00:52:30.540
like, I think money was really tight after my dad passed.

902
00:52:30.540 --> 00:52:33.720
Cause it was like, gosh, you are costing me so much money.

903
00:52:33.860 --> 00:52:37.120
And so I felt really unworthy of like needing lunch money for

904
00:52:37.120 --> 00:52:39.740
school or a field trip or whatever.

905
00:52:39.740 --> 00:52:43.940
And so I think as Matt and I plan a wedding and he's like, oh my gosh, a DJ

906
00:52:43.940 --> 00:52:48.920
is how much I feel that same, like, I guess I don't, we don't, maybe we don't

907
00:52:48.920 --> 00:52:52.180
need one, you know, like maybe I'm, I'm so sorry that I asked for that.

908
00:52:52.540 --> 00:52:56.920
Um, and because I was unemployed for so long, like it really is him

909
00:52:56.920 --> 00:52:58.780
paying for most everything, you know?

910
00:52:59.080 --> 00:53:04.780
And so, um, I, I think what you just showed me is I think that's the root.

911
00:53:05.540 --> 00:53:07.060
I think it's a weirdness.

912
00:53:07.440 --> 00:53:13.000
What you said is you just said that is your mom said to you, you, you

913
00:53:13.000 --> 00:53:16.420
Mandy are costing me so much money.

914
00:53:17.120 --> 00:53:21.640
And so interesting that tonight, you know, we're talking about identity.

915
00:53:22.260 --> 00:53:26.520
So I think you really probably need to go to the Lord and just ask him to

916
00:53:26.520 --> 00:53:31.080
reveal if there's anything else around that memory or any other times where

917
00:53:31.080 --> 00:53:35.680
your mom might've said something or done something that caused you to feel like

918
00:53:35.680 --> 00:53:38.860
you were a burden, not a blessing, right.

919
00:53:39.260 --> 00:53:42.460
Um, that's connected right now specifically to money, but other things

920
00:53:42.460 --> 00:53:46.760
may also come up, but then also, you know, everyone, and I'll say this to

921
00:53:46.760 --> 00:53:50.780
everyone, remember, as you all process these things, you're not stopping there.

922
00:53:50.780 --> 00:53:52.880
You're going all the way through to the truth.

923
00:53:52.880 --> 00:53:54.360
So what does God say?

924
00:53:54.680 --> 00:53:58.160
So that ties into our identity stuff tonight, but also here's the other thing.

925
00:53:58.440 --> 00:54:01.640
We've got to come out of alignment and agreement with the lie that we believe.

926
00:54:01.640 --> 00:54:06.220
So when mom said to you, you meant like, you know, I'm saying you Mandy, but like

927
00:54:06.220 --> 00:54:10.440
you are costing me so much money, Lord.

928
00:54:10.440 --> 00:54:14.100
What's the lie I believed that I partnered with in that time.

929
00:54:14.100 --> 00:54:18.680
So if the lie was, I'm a burden, then you come out of agreement.

930
00:54:18.680 --> 00:54:21.020
You literally say out loud in Jesus name.

931
00:54:21.020 --> 00:54:26.020
I come out of agreement with the lie that I'm a burden.

932
00:54:26.600 --> 00:54:30.160
And I come into agreement with the truth that I'm a blessing or

933
00:54:30.160 --> 00:54:31.480
whatever God leads you to say.

934
00:54:31.480 --> 00:54:34.960
But I'm just giving you an example there that you could, you could use

935
00:54:34.960 --> 00:54:36.620
and actually put into practice.

936
00:54:37.160 --> 00:54:37.460
Yeah.

937
00:54:38.340 --> 00:54:39.020
Wonderful.

938
00:54:39.020 --> 00:54:39.640
Thank you.

939
00:54:39.660 --> 00:54:40.580
Thank you so much.

940
00:54:40.840 --> 00:54:41.560
You're welcome.

941
00:54:41.580 --> 00:54:41.780
Y'all.

942
00:54:41.780 --> 00:54:42.700
This is so good.

943
00:54:42.740 --> 00:54:43.660
Ruth, go ahead.

944
00:54:51.260 --> 00:54:52.240
Ruth, are you still there?

945
00:54:52.240 --> 00:54:53.100
Do you want to go?

946
00:54:54.140 --> 00:54:54.500
Sorry.

947
00:54:54.500 --> 00:54:55.860
I was trying to figure out how to unmute.

948
00:54:56.180 --> 00:54:56.860
Oh, that's all right.

949
00:54:57.420 --> 00:54:57.880
I'm cooking.

950
00:54:57.880 --> 00:54:59.380
So I'm not on camera.

951
00:54:59.660 --> 00:55:00.100
That's totally.

952
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:00.840
Totally fine.

953
00:55:00.840 --> 00:55:02.760
Hi, thanks for having me.

954
00:55:02.760 --> 00:55:07.640
So my question is I'm in a level three relationship.

955
00:55:07.640 --> 00:55:11.360
It's going well, but I'm having,

956
00:55:11.360 --> 00:55:12.960
I'm an anxiously attached person

957
00:55:14.440 --> 00:55:16.760
and I'm having some anxious attachment come up

958
00:55:17.800 --> 00:55:21.720
and I'm finding it's hard to focus on the relationship

959
00:55:21.720 --> 00:55:24.480
and be present to get to know this person

960
00:55:24.480 --> 00:55:29.480
in a discovery fashion without feeling like I need to know

961
00:55:29.960 --> 00:55:33.080
if this is the one because I want that security

962
00:55:33.080 --> 00:55:35.040
that he's not gonna leave me.

963
00:55:35.040 --> 00:55:37.400
And I know that's not healthy

964
00:55:37.400 --> 00:55:39.600
or a good way to go about a relationship

965
00:55:39.600 --> 00:55:43.120
because we have to be able to have, you know,

966
00:55:43.120 --> 00:55:46.320
objective like decision whether or not this is a good match

967
00:55:46.320 --> 00:55:48.320
for the long run.

968
00:55:48.320 --> 00:55:51.120
And it's not fair to him to try to have him

969
00:55:54.320 --> 00:55:55.160
Yeah.

970
00:55:55.320 --> 00:55:59.280
That fear in me because he can't say that for himself

971
00:55:59.280 --> 00:56:00.720
either, you know?

972
00:56:00.720 --> 00:56:03.480
Right, so here's the first thing.

973
00:56:03.480 --> 00:56:05.960
And I understand, okay, so when I say this,

974
00:56:05.960 --> 00:56:07.520
I don't want you to feel bad.

975
00:56:07.520 --> 00:56:09.800
I never want anyone to ever feel shame.

976
00:56:09.800 --> 00:56:12.840
So if anybody ever feels that,

977
00:56:12.840 --> 00:56:14.480
just know that's the enemy trying to put that on you

978
00:56:14.480 --> 00:56:16.000
cause that's not my heart for anything

979
00:56:16.000 --> 00:56:17.760
I ever say to any of y'all.

980
00:56:17.760 --> 00:56:20.680
But if you notice what you said

981
00:56:20.680 --> 00:56:22.640
when you first started talking is you said,

982
00:56:23.440 --> 00:56:27.360
I'm an anxious attached person.

983
00:56:29.440 --> 00:56:34.240
So you've partnered with that's a part of your makeup now.

984
00:56:35.480 --> 00:56:38.520
And so what I want you to start to do is start shifting

985
00:56:38.520 --> 00:56:41.400
from I'm an anxious attached person

986
00:56:41.400 --> 00:56:45.880
to I struggle sometimes with anxious attachment.

987
00:56:45.880 --> 00:56:46.720
Okay.

988
00:56:46.720 --> 00:56:48.360
Okay, cause here's why.

989
00:56:48.400 --> 00:56:52.600
Years ago, I used to really, really struggle

990
00:56:52.600 --> 00:56:53.880
with massive anxiety.

991
00:56:53.880 --> 00:56:55.000
It was partnered with fear.

992
00:56:55.000 --> 00:56:58.200
Like I literally was terrified of the dark,

993
00:56:58.200 --> 00:56:59.880
like all kinds of fear stuff.

994
00:56:59.880 --> 00:57:02.960
And after I gave my life to the Lord,

995
00:57:02.960 --> 00:57:04.640
I really had overcome a lot of that.

996
00:57:04.640 --> 00:57:08.440
And then I went through some trauma many, many years later

997
00:57:08.440 --> 00:57:12.760
that literally because I believe the lie in that trauma,

998
00:57:12.760 --> 00:57:15.080
it like opened the door to that stuff again,

999
00:57:15.080 --> 00:57:16.840
like Pandora's box.

1000
00:57:16.840 --> 00:57:20.720
Literally, it felt like it just flooded right back in.

1001
00:57:20.720 --> 00:57:23.960
And so I was struggling with anxiety and fear again.

1002
00:57:23.960 --> 00:57:26.200
And the one day I was driving to work

1003
00:57:26.200 --> 00:57:28.960
and some of y'all might've heard me tell this story before,

1004
00:57:28.960 --> 00:57:33.960
but I literally was like, God, why did you make me this way?

1005
00:57:34.440 --> 00:57:36.080
Like, cause I was mad.

1006
00:57:36.080 --> 00:57:40.760
Like I was so tired of feeling so much anxiety and fear.

1007
00:57:40.760 --> 00:57:43.240
And he said, I didn't.

1008
00:57:44.160 --> 00:57:47.400
And I was like, yeah, you did.

1009
00:57:47.400 --> 00:57:50.320
Like, I was like, I was like arguing with the Lord,

1010
00:57:50.320 --> 00:57:53.440
like, yeah, you did, or I wouldn't be this way.

1011
00:57:53.440 --> 00:57:58.440
And he said, no, Bethany, I did not put anxiety in you.

1012
00:58:02.520 --> 00:58:06.400
Y'all, he doesn't put that stuff in us when he makes us.

1013
00:58:06.400 --> 00:58:11.040
We learn that and we partner with that

1014
00:58:11.040 --> 00:58:15.280
because we believe lies as a result of trauma.

1015
00:58:15.280 --> 00:58:19.360
It happens when we fragment, when we go through pain.

1016
00:58:19.360 --> 00:58:23.600
Okay, so when we claim these things over ourselves,

1017
00:58:23.600 --> 00:58:26.440
we are agreeing with a lie.

1018
00:58:27.480 --> 00:58:31.200
So I know we talk a lot about attachment styles in here,

1019
00:58:31.200 --> 00:58:33.160
and it's important because we're a date,

1020
00:58:33.160 --> 00:58:35.760
like we coach you on dating in addition to heartwork

1021
00:58:35.760 --> 00:58:39.520
and all these things, but we have to be very careful

1022
00:58:39.520 --> 00:58:43.760
that we don't claim that stuff as this is who I am.

1023
00:58:43.760 --> 00:58:45.440
This is just the way I am.

1024
00:58:45.440 --> 00:58:47.680
And I'm just always gonna be like this,

1025
00:58:47.680 --> 00:58:50.680
because here's the other thing is I used to struggle

1026
00:58:50.680 --> 00:58:53.640
with anxious attachment as well.

1027
00:58:53.640 --> 00:58:58.040
And I learned how to attach securely the more I healed.

1028
00:58:58.040 --> 00:59:01.880
And so what I would say is when you feel

1029
00:59:01.880 --> 00:59:05.320
that anxious stuff come up,

1030
00:59:05.320 --> 00:59:09.520
what is the lie that you're believing when that happens?

1031
00:59:09.520 --> 00:59:12.680
So for me, one of the things, one time,

1032
00:59:12.680 --> 00:59:14.280
and I was already in relationship with Brian,

1033
00:59:14.280 --> 00:59:15.480
I'd already met Brian.

1034
00:59:16.880 --> 00:59:19.880
He had told me that he wasn't feeling well

1035
00:59:19.880 --> 00:59:21.600
and he was gonna rest.

1036
00:59:21.600 --> 00:59:23.800
And I was fine, I was at work.

1037
00:59:23.800 --> 00:59:26.640
And then I didn't hear from him for like really,

1038
00:59:26.640 --> 00:59:29.320
really, really long time.

1039
00:59:29.320 --> 00:59:32.960
And I started having these thoughts that like he died.

1040
00:59:33.960 --> 00:59:34.800
No joke.

1041
00:59:36.520 --> 00:59:38.120
Why would I think that?

1042
00:59:39.040 --> 00:59:41.520
Well, because the enemy knows all the things

1043
00:59:41.520 --> 00:59:43.360
I've been through in my life,

1044
00:59:43.360 --> 00:59:46.080
including like that accident that I told you about.

1045
00:59:46.080 --> 00:59:47.400
I've lost so many people,

1046
00:59:47.400 --> 00:59:49.600
but no, I didn't lose those family members

1047
00:59:49.600 --> 00:59:51.760
in one way or shape or form.

1048
00:59:51.760 --> 00:59:54.040
Like my sister was never the same after that.

1049
00:59:55.720 --> 00:59:58.400
So something was feeding that stuff in me.

1050
00:59:58.400 --> 00:59:59.800
And so I had to look at it.

1051
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.680
Like, why would, Lord, where did this come from?

1052
01:00:02.680 --> 01:00:07.320
Like, you know, when, when you hear the sirens and you're, you first thought is

1053
01:00:07.320 --> 01:00:10.120
like, Oh my God, is my kid, did something happen to my kid?

1054
01:00:11.280 --> 01:00:15.360
That stuff comes from, that's from the devil, y'all that stuff's from the

1055
01:00:15.360 --> 01:00:18.160
devil and the enemy wants us to get caught up in that.

1056
01:00:18.160 --> 01:00:22.600
So first ask yourself, Ruth, when, when that's happening, okay,

1057
01:00:22.600 --> 01:00:25.280
what's, what's the lie I'm believing.

1058
01:00:25.520 --> 01:00:30.520
You mentioned fear, and you also said security that he's not going to leave.

1059
01:00:30.520 --> 01:00:35.760
So even if you had amazing parents at some point, cause I can't remember

1060
01:00:35.760 --> 01:00:37.520
a full year story, Ruth, I'm so sorry.

1061
01:00:37.700 --> 01:00:40.040
I know who you are and I know who's talking to me, even though

1062
01:00:40.040 --> 01:00:41.400
I don't see you on the camera.

1063
01:00:41.840 --> 01:00:44.280
Um, but I don't recall your story.

1064
01:00:44.280 --> 01:00:51.480
So you might've had great parents or maybe not, but if we are afraid of losing

1065
01:00:51.480 --> 01:00:56.120
security, either we've experienced that in relationship when we were dating

1066
01:00:56.120 --> 01:01:02.160
or prior marriages or whatever, or also, you know, growing up where we lost

1067
01:01:02.160 --> 01:01:04.640
that sense of security that we needed.

1068
01:01:05.120 --> 01:01:10.160
And so we are always kind of anxiously trying to feel that security.

1069
01:01:10.680 --> 01:01:20.000
And so, um, when we get that security in Christ, you all honest to goodness,

1070
01:01:20.000 --> 01:01:25.200
guess what anybody can like, even my, these friends, this, these couple people.

1071
01:01:25.880 --> 01:01:26.080
Yeah.

1072
01:01:26.080 --> 01:01:29.880
It's been hard when a friend just decides like, Hey, they just go in a

1073
01:01:29.880 --> 01:01:31.280
different way and that's cool.

1074
01:01:31.680 --> 01:01:34.640
You know, sometimes you just know seasons change you all and it's okay.

1075
01:01:35.120 --> 01:01:39.960
But there's, there's a healthy way to like close that chapter.

1076
01:01:41.120 --> 01:01:43.720
And when a friend doesn't close it in that healthy way, and they're just

1077
01:01:43.720 --> 01:01:49.360
kind of, they eject themselves from your life, you know, it doesn't feel secure.

1078
01:01:49.360 --> 01:01:49.800
Does it?

1079
01:01:51.200 --> 01:01:54.600
But if my security was in that friendship, I'd be in trouble.

1080
01:01:57.920 --> 01:02:02.400
Because I would allow that to define me and cause me to feel all, you know, kind

1081
01:02:02.400 --> 01:02:03.520
of all the things we're talking about.

1082
01:02:03.800 --> 01:02:06.880
And so I'm not saying you don't feel secure at all in your relationship with

1083
01:02:06.880 --> 01:02:08.000
the Lord, so please don't hear that.

1084
01:02:08.240 --> 01:02:13.440
But what I am saying is I think we can all row in our understanding of our

1085
01:02:13.440 --> 01:02:16.640
security in Christ, like he's got you.

1086
01:02:17.320 --> 01:02:21.000
And you know, when we pray the armor of God over ourselves, you all, do you

1087
01:02:21.000 --> 01:02:24.600
know that that actually, what we're praying is that like we're, we're

1088
01:02:24.600 --> 01:02:30.200
putting ourselves in God, like he's the armor it's him.

1089
01:02:33.120 --> 01:02:36.000
And so maybe even just be praying that over yourself.

1090
01:02:36.160 --> 01:02:40.680
When I used to feel anxious, Ruth, literally one of the things I would do

1091
01:02:40.720 --> 01:02:43.080
is I would go do something opposite.

1092
01:02:43.520 --> 01:02:44.520
I'm not, I'm not joking.

1093
01:02:44.960 --> 01:02:49.720
If I felt anxious to text or I needed security or something from somebody, I

1094
01:02:49.720 --> 01:02:53.200
would literally like, if I needed security, I would go somewhere private,

1095
01:02:53.200 --> 01:02:56.760
even when I was at work and I would just go pray, even if it was for a minute,

1096
01:02:56.960 --> 01:03:02.920
like God, like help me to feel secure in you help me overcome fear because I

1097
01:03:02.920 --> 01:03:06.560
don't have a spirit of fear because I, Bethany, at the time I was staying, go

1098
01:03:06.560 --> 01:03:10.960
have a spirit of love and of power and of a sound mind, and I can be at peace

1099
01:03:11.160 --> 01:03:12.640
because God is my peace.

1100
01:03:12.840 --> 01:03:14.400
And I would just talk to myself.

1101
01:03:14.440 --> 01:03:16.920
I'm y'all people that know me.

1102
01:03:17.120 --> 01:03:21.040
They know if they see me talking and no one's around, I'm not crazy.

1103
01:03:21.080 --> 01:03:25.720
I just, I like to pray and I like to talk out loud because that's

1104
01:03:25.720 --> 01:03:27.360
when the power for me came.

1105
01:03:28.480 --> 01:03:29.200
Because guess what?

1106
01:03:29.200 --> 01:03:34.200
If I'm speaking truth, the devil can't get in my mind at the same time.

1107
01:03:34.960 --> 01:03:39.840
He can't because I'm, I'm speaking the truth and I'm just, I'm going for it.

1108
01:03:40.200 --> 01:03:45.400
And I would, I would talk to my spirit and say, Bethany, you're okay.

1109
01:03:46.360 --> 01:03:47.040
You're okay.

1110
01:03:47.040 --> 01:03:47.800
You're good.

1111
01:03:48.960 --> 01:03:51.680
You can calm down and just rest in this.

1112
01:03:52.040 --> 01:03:56.520
And, and, and then of course I have to say, Jackie told me over and over and

1113
01:03:56.520 --> 01:04:02.080
over again, just have fun, Bethany, just receive, just have fun, you know,

1114
01:04:02.120 --> 01:04:03.840
and just walk it out.

1115
01:04:04.240 --> 01:04:09.280
And so I'm not sure if that landed for you, but just, you know, you are in

1116
01:04:09.280 --> 01:04:14.960
God, praying the armor of God over yourself is so everybody, I hope everybody

1117
01:04:14.960 --> 01:04:21.800
does that not out of religion or ritual, but every day, because man, it's a war out

1118
01:04:21.800 --> 01:04:22.200
there.

1119
01:04:23.280 --> 01:04:25.960
We're fighting a war every day.

1120
01:04:28.120 --> 01:04:28.560
Thank you.

1121
01:04:28.560 --> 01:04:29.720
Yeah, no, that's helpful.

1122
01:04:29.720 --> 01:04:35.000
I think, um, taking it away from the relationship specifically, but more about

1123
01:04:35.000 --> 01:04:40.440
like my own security in God and myself, like, cause it doesn't matter, like either

1124
01:04:40.440 --> 01:04:42.160
way, you know, he could come or go.

1125
01:04:42.960 --> 01:04:43.280
Yeah.

1126
01:04:43.600 --> 01:04:48.680
And, you know, and, and, and I'll say this too, you know, when we were little

1127
01:04:48.680 --> 01:04:53.280
babes, we had blankets and those blankets kind of brought us comfort.

1128
01:04:53.280 --> 01:04:53.800
Didn't they?

1129
01:04:54.360 --> 01:04:59.280
So who's to say you can't find something that brings you comfort in those moments

1130
01:04:59.280 --> 01:04:59.800
to just.

1131
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.400
You know, maybe it's a rock or maybe it's something that like when you touch it, you just,

1132
01:05:04.400 --> 01:05:09.200
it's that visual reminder of like, Hey, God's got me. I'm good.

1133
01:05:09.920 --> 01:05:15.520
Yeah, I think my, like you were saying, like, wanting to text, like being anxious,

1134
01:05:15.520 --> 01:05:22.080
I do the opposite where I won't, I go inward. And so I think there is a little bit of avoidance in

1135
01:05:22.080 --> 01:05:28.560
there, but yeah, that would definitely be, but then, but my brain tells me that the other person

1136
01:05:28.560 --> 01:05:35.200
doesn't like me. Like, and I don't, that's not true. Like, I'm not trying to demonize my partner,

1137
01:05:35.200 --> 01:05:42.400
you know, like, yeah. And so I think, yeah. So again, yeah, sitting with that and maybe,

1138
01:05:42.400 --> 01:05:47.280
maybe, maybe the opposite auction action for me would, would actually to be to text.

1139
01:05:48.160 --> 01:05:53.920
It would be, it would be to text. It would be to lean into that relationship. And if you're hearing

1140
01:05:53.920 --> 01:05:58.880
they don't like you, or they don't want to hear from you, then that that's absolutely

1141
01:05:58.880 --> 01:06:02.720
a revealing for healing right there. And I hope you spend some time with the Lord on that.

1142
01:06:02.720 --> 01:06:03.920
Okay. Yeah. Thank you.

1143
01:06:05.520 --> 01:06:07.440
Y'all these are so good. Dinah, go ahead.

1144
01:06:10.400 --> 01:06:16.960
Okay. I was doing this. Um, all right. So let me get my notes so that I can be succinct.

1145
01:06:16.960 --> 01:06:21.920
And I will tell you all before Dinah shares y'all I'm, I'm really not keeping up great with the

1146
01:06:21.920 --> 01:06:26.720
chat tonight. I'm just really trying to, so I'm sorry if people put stuff in the chat about

1147
01:06:26.720 --> 01:06:33.040
heartwork. If you have something that you put in the chat, you can, uh, put it into your groups,

1148
01:06:33.040 --> 01:06:36.160
whether the men and the men's group, and I'll check the men's group a little bit more this

1149
01:06:36.160 --> 01:06:40.320
week than I normally would. And, you know, I can check the phase three group, just,

1150
01:06:40.320 --> 01:06:44.640
just in your post, just, you can say from heartwork, advanced heartwork session or

1151
01:06:44.640 --> 01:06:48.960
whatever, and that'll cue. So I'll know it's a question for me. Okay. Dinah, go ahead.

1152
01:06:49.520 --> 01:06:55.840
Okay. Thank you for your time. Um, okay. So I have been dating someone for three months. We became

1153
01:06:55.840 --> 01:07:01.120
exclusive relations. We became exclusive recently, and honestly, it's going great. It's the best

1154
01:07:01.120 --> 01:07:08.560
relationship I've been in, in years. Um, he's really stable, calm, like mature guy. I find

1155
01:07:08.560 --> 01:07:15.520
myself in the last month or so. The image in my mind is like a little kid throwing a tantrum.

1156
01:07:16.080 --> 01:07:24.720
Like, I feel like I'm trying to find problems with him or this relationship. Like sometimes

1157
01:07:24.720 --> 01:07:30.640
in my mind, I'm like, oh, I hate that he has an ex-wife. I hate, I wish he didn't have a kid. Oh,

1158
01:07:30.640 --> 01:07:35.120
child support. Oh, we can't travel this, you know, makeup stories. Or just yesterday,

1159
01:07:35.120 --> 01:07:41.200
he brought me a gift and I found fault with the gift. And I was like, oh, wish he'd done something

1160
01:07:41.200 --> 01:07:45.840
different or asked me or whatever. And he was so sweet. He was like, it's no problem. I'll just

1161
01:07:45.840 --> 01:07:50.880
switch it out, you know? And then I beat myself up of like, gosh, you're so hard to please. You're

1162
01:07:50.880 --> 01:07:56.720
so difficult. He's not going to pick you. And I just feel like I'm comparing myself to his ex-wife

1163
01:07:56.720 --> 01:08:01.840
all the time. I feel like, I guess what I'm asking you is, I'm in a really stable, healthy

1164
01:08:01.840 --> 01:08:09.040
relationship, especially if compared to the last few years. Why am I picking it apart or picking

1165
01:08:09.040 --> 01:08:16.640
this really healthy, calm, so far from what I can tell, really stable, healthy, calm guy apart,

1166
01:08:16.640 --> 01:08:24.080
you know? Well, do you want me to tell you just the simple answer? Sure. Because you need healing.

1167
01:08:24.080 --> 01:08:30.080
And I know that sounds so simple, you all, but genuinely like a couple of things that were

1168
01:08:30.080 --> 01:08:35.439
coming to me. So y'all know, if you don't know this in HeartWork, I take notes because I process

1169
01:08:35.439 --> 01:08:40.560
while I'm listening to you all so much better that way. But you said, sometimes I feel like,

1170
01:08:40.560 --> 01:08:44.560
if I heard you right, like a little kid on the inside is throwing a tantrum.

1171
01:08:44.560 --> 01:08:50.000
Oh, that's it? Like, you know, like the little Looney Tunes, Tiny Toons.

1172
01:08:50.000 --> 01:08:56.080
Yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about because I've felt it before. And then

1173
01:08:57.120 --> 01:09:01.279
what stood out to me as well, when you were saying he brought you the gift and then you found fault

1174
01:09:01.279 --> 01:09:10.560
in it. So here's what came up in my spirit was, you know, sometimes the things that we're

1175
01:09:10.560 --> 01:09:17.359
struggling with aren't just the problems that we struggle with. They are generational, okay? Now,

1176
01:09:17.359 --> 01:09:22.080
I don't know your family. I don't know if this will resonate with you. But the thought that came

1177
01:09:22.080 --> 01:09:27.520
to me as I wrote that down, he brought me a gift and I found fault in it. And finding fault in him

1178
01:09:28.319 --> 01:09:35.279
was, did her mom used to find fault in a lot of things or someone else in your family? I mean,

1179
01:09:35.279 --> 01:09:41.680
it could be like even before your mom, but somewhere I just feel like the Lord is saying

1180
01:09:41.680 --> 01:09:47.840
that this isn't just a you thing. This is a generational thing that you're kind of up against

1181
01:09:47.840 --> 01:09:54.640
right now. The other thought that I had is, you know, this comparing yourself a lot to his ex.

1182
01:09:54.640 --> 01:09:59.120
I literally just screenshotted something this morning. And by the way, I've never met her.

1183
01:09:59.120 --> 01:09:59.920
I've never met anyone.

1184
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.640
It's all just like, I look at them on Facebook and I like, compare.

1185
01:10:03.880 --> 01:10:04.220
Yeah.

1186
01:10:04.220 --> 01:10:06.480
We don't have to meet people to compare ourselves to people.

1187
01:10:06.480 --> 01:10:08.800
I mean, there's people all the time that compare themselves to people.

1188
01:10:08.800 --> 01:10:11.880
They like, don't know on social media and all the kinds of things.

1189
01:10:12.240 --> 01:10:17.980
Um, but do you all know that comparison when we do that, it's

1190
01:10:17.980 --> 01:10:21.000
typically tied to a lack of confidence.

1191
01:10:22.980 --> 01:10:25.640
Like we don't like something about ourselves.

1192
01:10:25.640 --> 01:10:30.660
So when someone else, we get around, we think they have that, or, you know, we

1193
01:10:30.660 --> 01:10:34.520
believe the lies of the enemy, like, Oh, they had this kind of relationship.

1194
01:10:34.520 --> 01:10:39.800
And you guys, whatever the lies are, um, it's typically rooted in like, we

1195
01:10:39.800 --> 01:10:42.800
believe the lie that we're not good enough.

1196
01:10:44.300 --> 01:10:46.720
And so we compare ourselves to other people.

1197
01:10:47.480 --> 01:10:49.400
Like, why can't we all just be great?

1198
01:10:50.320 --> 01:10:52.940
I don't know if y'all have ever heard me tell the story, but back in the day,

1199
01:10:53.540 --> 01:10:59.420
before I, before I started serving a lot of women, uh, and this is long before

1200
01:10:59.420 --> 01:11:04.580
Jackie's community, um, I would be driving down the road and I wouldn't even know

1201
01:11:04.580 --> 01:11:09.060
the people and I would see a woman that was pretty or had something that a feature

1202
01:11:09.060 --> 01:11:11.340
about her body, something that I didn't have.

1203
01:11:11.340 --> 01:11:13.380
And I would just not like her.

1204
01:11:13.780 --> 01:11:15.220
And I'm a Christian at the time.

1205
01:11:15.500 --> 01:11:18.100
And I remember thinking, why am I even having that thought?

1206
01:11:18.100 --> 01:11:20.060
That's so what the heck.

1207
01:11:20.580 --> 01:11:24.660
And, um, after it happened enough times, I started asking the Lord,

1208
01:11:24.660 --> 01:11:26.860
like, what is going on here?

1209
01:11:27.820 --> 01:11:31.780
I don't even know this person and I'm putting them down in my mind.

1210
01:11:31.780 --> 01:11:33.860
Like I should be loving her.

1211
01:11:33.900 --> 01:11:38.260
She's a, even if she's not a fellow believer, she is a daughter,

1212
01:11:38.620 --> 01:11:40.420
you know, made in God's image.

1213
01:11:40.620 --> 01:11:42.100
And so I just started praying into it.

1214
01:11:42.100 --> 01:11:46.540
And, uh, the Lord started talking to me about the fact that, uh, you know, he

1215
01:11:46.540 --> 01:11:49.460
had a plan to lead me into minister to a lot of women.

1216
01:11:49.460 --> 01:11:55.260
And so the enemy was trying to attack that by getting me to be negative towards

1217
01:11:55.260 --> 01:11:55.620
women.

1218
01:11:57.540 --> 01:12:00.060
So sometimes y'all, sometimes it's that kind of stuff.

1219
01:12:00.060 --> 01:12:02.220
The enemy's trying to hinder something.

1220
01:12:02.220 --> 01:12:07.780
And so he tries to use whatever, like, what can he beat us with?

1221
01:12:07.860 --> 01:12:09.620
What can he get you to bite on?

1222
01:12:09.900 --> 01:12:14.940
Well, if he can get you to lean into your insecurities and start comparing

1223
01:12:14.940 --> 01:12:17.220
yourself like crazy, he'll do that.

1224
01:12:18.100 --> 01:12:23.060
You know, if he can get you to find fault in the guy with everything and y'all, yes.

1225
01:12:23.340 --> 01:12:26.300
You know, some of this stuff is, you know, that avoidance stuff.

1226
01:12:26.300 --> 01:12:30.740
It is, again, I'm not saying it's not those things, but genuinely it goes back

1227
01:12:30.740 --> 01:12:34.460
to where do I need healing?

1228
01:12:34.940 --> 01:12:35.380
Right.

1229
01:12:35.580 --> 01:12:38.300
And I do feel like it's pointing at some healing.

1230
01:12:38.300 --> 01:12:41.580
I did a freedom prayer with a friend recently, and it's basically revealing

1231
01:12:41.580 --> 01:12:44.220
for a healing with a forgiveness exercise.

1232
01:12:44.220 --> 01:12:45.660
It's very much like the heart work.

1233
01:12:45.660 --> 01:12:46.500
And it was so funny.

1234
01:12:46.500 --> 01:12:49.100
I was like, okay, I want to talk about comparison.

1235
01:12:49.460 --> 01:12:52.300
And God was like, no, we talked about several other things.

1236
01:12:52.300 --> 01:12:56.900
So it was like funny that God was like, let's look under this rock today.

1237
01:12:57.220 --> 01:13:00.300
So we talked about being too much and being not enough and stuff like that.

1238
01:13:00.300 --> 01:13:01.380
And it was great.

1239
01:13:01.740 --> 01:13:03.420
So I guess it's just kind of hard.

1240
01:13:03.420 --> 01:13:07.980
It's like, it feels frustrating that you finally meet someone nice and it's going

1241
01:13:07.980 --> 01:13:11.620
well, and you're going to have to really work at controlling your mind, Dinah.

1242
01:13:11.780 --> 01:13:14.900
You are, you know, the, the scripture that talks about take every thought

1243
01:13:14.900 --> 01:13:17.700
captive and make it obedient to Jesus Christ.

1244
01:13:18.500 --> 01:13:25.380
So, you know, it's not just like, man, like, it's not about walking in shame.

1245
01:13:25.380 --> 01:13:29.300
It's just about like, Hey, okay, Lord, this is a struggle I'm having.

1246
01:13:29.300 --> 01:13:33.780
Just like I told, uh, you know, Ruth, like, this is just a struggle you're having.

1247
01:13:33.780 --> 01:13:35.380
This doesn't have to be your forever.

1248
01:13:35.740 --> 01:13:38.140
And you can break free from this stuff, whether it came down

1249
01:13:38.140 --> 01:13:39.100
through a generation or not.

1250
01:13:39.100 --> 01:13:42.460
And you could be the one to make a change for future generations.

1251
01:13:42.740 --> 01:13:46.620
But we have to stand up against this stuff, which you're doing by asking.

1252
01:13:46.620 --> 01:13:49.460
The first step is asking a question and getting help.

1253
01:13:49.620 --> 01:13:52.540
The other thought that I wanted to ask about is this.

1254
01:13:53.220 --> 01:13:55.540
What was your relationship like with your dad?

1255
01:13:55.580 --> 01:14:01.860
Like, did you think your dad was a good dad, a good husband?

1256
01:14:01.860 --> 01:14:03.460
Did you find fault in him a lot?

1257
01:14:03.460 --> 01:14:04.940
Did your mom find fault in him?

1258
01:14:05.180 --> 01:14:06.940
I'm just curious what that dynamic was.

1259
01:14:07.940 --> 01:14:10.460
I thought everything was great until they got divorced.

1260
01:14:10.540 --> 01:14:13.740
When I was a teenager, I was shocked by the divorce.

1261
01:14:14.020 --> 01:14:16.700
And now as an adult, I see was actually my dad.

1262
01:14:16.700 --> 01:14:19.620
That was the tough, tough one.

1263
01:14:19.980 --> 01:14:21.780
And my mom left.

1264
01:14:21.780 --> 01:14:26.140
My mom took her rescue boat and, and left, but I didn't know all

1265
01:14:26.140 --> 01:14:27.820
those details until I was an adult.

1266
01:14:27.820 --> 01:14:29.020
So, okay.

1267
01:14:29.020 --> 01:14:31.780
So what does that mean?

1268
01:14:31.780 --> 01:14:32.860
My dad was the tough one.

1269
01:14:32.860 --> 01:14:33.500
What does that mean?

1270
01:14:33.860 --> 01:14:37.260
Like he's now as an adult, my mom's easy to be around.

1271
01:14:37.260 --> 01:14:38.860
She's fun and chill.

1272
01:14:39.060 --> 01:14:40.540
My dad is hard to be around.

1273
01:14:40.540 --> 01:14:42.860
You have to do it the way he wants to do it.

1274
01:14:43.460 --> 01:14:46.060
It has to be not too expensive.

1275
01:14:46.100 --> 01:14:47.980
It has to be my dad's way.

1276
01:14:48.700 --> 01:14:48.940
Okay.

1277
01:14:48.940 --> 01:14:51.300
So I think you have a little bit of your answer there.

1278
01:14:51.620 --> 01:14:51.980
Yeah.

1279
01:14:52.780 --> 01:14:58.260
So I said, as a kid and I didn't know, you know, as a kid, so like, yeah.

1280
01:14:58.260 --> 01:14:58.900
So.

1281
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.920
Just pray into that, just pray into that and see where the Lord leads with, okay, is this

1282
01:15:05.920 --> 01:15:10.560
instead of a learned behavior from mom, is this a learned behavior from dad that became

1283
01:15:10.560 --> 01:15:12.680
a lifestyle, if you will?

1284
01:15:12.680 --> 01:15:14.220
Yeah, like my way or the highway.

1285
01:15:14.220 --> 01:15:16.600
And I kind of feel like I am that a little bit with this guy.

1286
01:15:16.600 --> 01:15:17.840
He's so generous and so sweet.

1287
01:15:17.840 --> 01:15:20.320
And I'm like, well, I want to do this instead, you know?

1288
01:15:20.320 --> 01:15:24.000
And this is this, everybody, please pay attention to this.

1289
01:15:24.000 --> 01:15:29.340
And even with Ruth, this is why we say you have to continue the heartwork because when

1290
01:15:29.340 --> 01:15:33.900
you step into relationship, even though you've already done a lot of heartwork, you're going

1291
01:15:33.900 --> 01:15:36.700
to go through all kinds of revealings for healing.

1292
01:15:36.700 --> 01:15:40.020
Things are going to come up that you didn't even know were in there.

1293
01:15:40.020 --> 01:15:44.820
Just like, I don't know, for any of them parents out there, when you have a kid and your kid's

1294
01:15:44.820 --> 01:15:49.260
crying all night long and you don't want to be angry with them because they're just babies

1295
01:15:49.260 --> 01:15:55.000
or, but you're just like angry at your kid because they won't sleep or they can't sleep

1296
01:15:55.000 --> 01:15:56.000
or whatever.

1297
01:15:56.000 --> 01:15:57.000
I don't know.

1298
01:15:57.000 --> 01:15:58.000
I'm confessing.

1299
01:15:58.000 --> 01:15:59.640
None of those things happened before.

1300
01:15:59.640 --> 01:16:04.520
I thought that about my stepson when he was just a little baby, he had colic and I understood,

1301
01:16:04.520 --> 01:16:13.200
but man, I was just like, Jesus, angry on the inside at my kid, but he wasn't doing

1302
01:16:13.200 --> 01:16:15.080
anything wrong.

1303
01:16:15.080 --> 01:16:19.680
And I almost feel angry at myself for not just being happy in this relationship.

1304
01:16:19.680 --> 01:16:20.680
Okay.

1305
01:16:20.680 --> 01:16:21.680
So I think you're getting clarity.

1306
01:16:21.680 --> 01:16:24.840
I feel like I hear you getting clarity even as we're talking.

1307
01:16:24.840 --> 01:16:27.240
So anger is hurts bodyguard.

1308
01:16:27.480 --> 01:16:32.240
Remember, anger shows up when there's hurt underneath.

1309
01:16:32.240 --> 01:16:38.000
So if you feel angry at yourself, you know, ask the Lord, when's the first time I felt

1310
01:16:38.000 --> 01:16:40.900
angry with myself for feeling this way?

1311
01:16:40.900 --> 01:16:45.000
You know, when's the first, you just start just like we did, like we taught you all in

1312
01:16:45.000 --> 01:16:46.000
heart work.

1313
01:16:46.000 --> 01:16:50.120
You just pull that first thread and you start there and then see where the Lord takes you

1314
01:16:50.120 --> 01:16:53.400
and then just continue to process that stuff.

1315
01:16:53.400 --> 01:16:59.040
And you all, you have the heart work in, in phase three, uh, men, I think you also

1316
01:16:59.040 --> 01:17:00.040
have it.

1317
01:17:00.040 --> 01:17:01.040
I'll double check that.

1318
01:17:01.040 --> 01:17:02.720
Cause I can't remember right now.

1319
01:17:02.720 --> 01:17:09.240
Um, y'all can go back and revisit that material anytime, you know?

1320
01:17:09.240 --> 01:17:12.760
And so I think that would be helpful for you as well, Dinah, just not that you have to

1321
01:17:12.760 --> 01:17:17.320
go like massively deep into it, but I think you should really work through some of those

1322
01:17:17.320 --> 01:17:22.240
things because it might change the whole way you show up with yourself.

1323
01:17:22.240 --> 01:17:27.120
If you remember a hatred, you know, begins with self-hatred and not that you're hating

1324
01:17:27.120 --> 01:17:33.360
him, but the negativity vibe, the anger stuff or the frustration or finding fault.

1325
01:17:33.360 --> 01:17:37.240
Well, that's starting because what I hear you saying is you're finding fault in yourself.

1326
01:17:37.240 --> 01:17:39.720
I've heard you say it a couple of different times, a couple of different ways.

1327
01:17:39.720 --> 01:17:44.320
Well, and that really resonated when you said that earlier, like hatred or judgment, like

1328
01:17:44.320 --> 01:17:49.480
judging others is from, cause I feel that a lot, like where I see another woman, like

1329
01:17:49.480 --> 01:17:52.880
exactly what you said earlier, like where I'm like, and I tried to decide if I'm better

1330
01:17:52.880 --> 01:17:55.800
or worse than her to determine, you know?

1331
01:17:55.800 --> 01:17:57.600
And so, um, yeah.

1332
01:17:57.600 --> 01:17:58.600
Okay.

1333
01:17:58.600 --> 01:17:59.600
Yeah.

1334
01:17:59.600 --> 01:18:00.600
So I'd run with that stuff.

1335
01:18:00.600 --> 01:18:05.360
I think you're on, I think you're on a good path there and we'll be praying for you.

1336
01:18:05.360 --> 01:18:10.240
Let us know, come in and you, and for everybody that I'm, I'm coaching, please come in after

1337
01:18:10.240 --> 01:18:14.520
you've processed some of this stuff and kind of tell us how's it going.

1338
01:18:14.520 --> 01:18:19.080
Or if you need more clarity as you're going, it's okay to come into the groups and, and

1339
01:18:19.080 --> 01:18:20.800
ask, okay, I'm processing this.

1340
01:18:20.800 --> 01:18:22.400
This is what's coming up.

1341
01:18:22.400 --> 01:18:24.880
It's okay for y'all to come back and do those things.

1342
01:18:24.880 --> 01:18:25.880
Okay.

1343
01:18:25.880 --> 01:18:26.880
All right.

1344
01:18:26.880 --> 01:18:27.880
Uh, is, is it Mavi?

1345
01:18:27.880 --> 01:18:28.880
Mavi?

1346
01:18:28.880 --> 01:18:29.880
I forget how to say it.

1347
01:18:29.880 --> 01:18:30.880
I'm so sorry.

1348
01:18:30.880 --> 01:18:32.560
It's been a while since I've coached you.

1349
01:18:32.560 --> 01:18:33.560
It's Maeve.

1350
01:18:33.560 --> 01:18:34.560
Maeve.

1351
01:18:34.560 --> 01:18:35.560
Thank you so much.

1352
01:18:35.560 --> 01:18:36.560
Sorry about that.

1353
01:18:36.560 --> 01:18:38.600
Thank you for being here tonight.

1354
01:18:38.600 --> 01:18:47.840
I have felt so defeated and so discouraged, um, the past year since the summer has been

1355
01:18:47.840 --> 01:18:48.840
very challenging.

1356
01:18:49.600 --> 01:18:54.080
I've been in intense medical treatments that were going to just be two months, which I

1357
01:18:54.080 --> 01:18:59.360
felt was already a long time, quit, had to quit my life.

1358
01:18:59.360 --> 01:19:05.400
The art program I was doing that I felt the Lord call me, um, here to, I'm just a little

1359
01:19:05.400 --> 01:19:17.960
North of you, I believe, um, Sarasota, um, and I did medical treatments for healing and

1360
01:19:18.080 --> 01:19:19.080
it was very difficult.

1361
01:19:19.080 --> 01:19:27.400
There's a lot of physical suffering, a lot of, uh, challenges, um, but the Lord and through

1362
01:19:27.400 --> 01:19:31.560
medicine helped to heal me of about five major.

1363
01:19:31.560 --> 01:19:36.560
Oh, you weren't muted there.

1364
01:19:36.560 --> 01:19:39.800
Oh, okay.

1365
01:19:39.800 --> 01:19:40.800
Okay.

1366
01:19:40.800 --> 01:19:41.800
Back.

1367
01:19:41.800 --> 01:19:50.960
Um, so I was freed of maybe about five major chronic illness conditions that I've struggled

1368
01:19:50.960 --> 01:19:51.960
with throughout my life.

1369
01:19:51.960 --> 01:19:59.960
Um, as you know, we had two massive hurricanes within two weeks of one another on the.

1370
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.500
Both side, my home had some significant mold damage

1371
01:20:05.600 --> 01:20:06.920
and I did remediations.

1372
01:20:06.920 --> 01:20:08.800
It took maybe about four months.

1373
01:20:08.800 --> 01:20:11.000
It was kind of like a long, healthy,

1374
01:20:11.000 --> 01:20:14.760
I'm sorry, it was a long journey of like my health journey,

1375
01:20:14.760 --> 01:20:17.120
remediating the home of my body,

1376
01:20:17.120 --> 01:20:20.720
remediating the home of my actual house

1377
01:20:20.720 --> 01:20:25.380
and everything being so much longer than I expected,

1378
01:20:25.380 --> 01:20:27.040
just months and months and months.

1379
01:20:27.100 --> 01:20:32.100
So I returned home, so happy to finally, finally, finally

1380
01:20:32.340 --> 01:20:36.020
come home a few weeks ago

1381
01:20:36.020 --> 01:20:39.260
and I'm looking forward to returning to my art program,

1382
01:20:39.260 --> 01:20:41.260
all these things by calling and purpose.

1383
01:20:42.420 --> 01:20:47.300
Since being home, I got sick again, felt so sick.

1384
01:20:47.300 --> 01:20:49.740
And I was like, oh my gosh, went back to the doctor,

1385
01:20:49.740 --> 01:20:53.580
positive for mold again, that's what I feared.

1386
01:20:53.580 --> 01:20:56.380
I was like, please, no Lord, like we just did all this.

1387
01:20:56.380 --> 01:20:59.340
And then I'm like, there must be more mold in my house.

1388
01:20:59.340 --> 01:21:02.220
There is, so my home was being,

1389
01:21:02.220 --> 01:21:04.460
parts of my home was being ripped up again.

1390
01:21:04.460 --> 01:21:06.860
I was gonna start back in my art program.

1391
01:21:06.860 --> 01:21:09.020
I'm back in treatments for a few weeks.

1392
01:21:11.100 --> 01:21:16.100
It has been so discouraging, just so defeating.

1393
01:21:17.540 --> 01:21:20.420
And then like to do so much, yeah.

1394
01:21:20.420 --> 01:21:23.700
To do so much, to spend so much money,

1395
01:21:23.700 --> 01:21:25.580
the loss of so much time,

1396
01:21:26.540 --> 01:21:30.100
the physical suffering that it's been,

1397
01:21:30.100 --> 01:21:31.620
being displaced for so long.

1398
01:21:31.620 --> 01:21:33.740
I long to be home, to home.

1399
01:21:33.740 --> 01:21:36.780
And then I'm like, wow, are we doing this again?

1400
01:21:36.780 --> 01:21:41.780
The amount of uncertainty, the amount of surrender,

1401
01:21:42.020 --> 01:21:43.620
it's just been constant surrender

1402
01:21:43.620 --> 01:21:45.660
in the past like nine months.

1403
01:21:46.700 --> 01:21:51.620
Yeah, first I wanna say I'm so sorry

1404
01:21:51.660 --> 01:21:54.740
for everything that you've been going through.

1405
01:21:54.740 --> 01:21:57.860
And I imagine that that has not been easy.

1406
01:21:57.860 --> 01:22:00.820
And so I just wanna kind of acknowledge that.

1407
01:22:02.820 --> 01:22:05.180
Y'all, life is hard sometimes, right?

1408
01:22:06.460 --> 01:22:09.580
And I just want y'all to know like,

1409
01:22:09.580 --> 01:22:12.300
I feel for you all, some of the things you're going through

1410
01:22:12.300 --> 01:22:14.340
and all of the things.

1411
01:22:15.460 --> 01:22:17.300
In the midst of that,

1412
01:22:18.300 --> 01:22:20.180
that the Lord would help us.

1413
01:22:22.140 --> 01:22:24.500
I don't know why this is coming up in my spirit,

1414
01:22:24.500 --> 01:22:27.820
but there's an old song called Light a Candle.

1415
01:22:27.820 --> 01:22:29.700
And I can't even remember who it's by,

1416
01:22:29.700 --> 01:22:31.340
but I literally saw a candle

1417
01:22:31.340 --> 01:22:33.820
almost being lit on the inside of you.

1418
01:22:33.820 --> 01:22:36.820
And the reason that came up in my spirit

1419
01:22:36.820 --> 01:22:41.540
is I was thinking in my head about like new things,

1420
01:22:41.540 --> 01:22:45.540
new things can come even out of dark places, right?

1421
01:22:46.100 --> 01:22:50.420
And at least from my experience,

1422
01:22:50.420 --> 01:22:55.420
some of my most pivotal times in my journey with the Lord

1423
01:22:55.900 --> 01:23:00.740
came on the heels of a dark season, right?

1424
01:23:00.740 --> 01:23:04.540
And I'm not saying that's easy or that I hope that for you.

1425
01:23:04.540 --> 01:23:07.060
I actually hope this one will be song,

1426
01:23:07.060 --> 01:23:10.540
or I saw their thing in the chat and I'm saying song.

1427
01:23:10.540 --> 01:23:12.220
I hope this one will be easy.

1428
01:23:12.220 --> 01:23:16.420
And I think it's actually by Avalon maybe.

1429
01:23:16.420 --> 01:23:17.260
Is that right?

1430
01:23:17.260 --> 01:23:18.100
I don't know.

1431
01:23:18.100 --> 01:23:21.180
It's an old song, Light a Candle.

1432
01:23:21.180 --> 01:23:22.020
You can look that up.

1433
01:23:22.020 --> 01:23:27.020
But I wrote down as you were talking, forgive the Lord.

1434
01:23:30.580 --> 01:23:33.340
I really wanna encourage you to pray into,

1435
01:23:34.700 --> 01:23:36.580
anytime where I've gone through things.

1436
01:23:36.580 --> 01:23:41.580
I had to quit college because my mom had an aneurysm

1437
01:23:42.140 --> 01:23:45.220
and almost died when I was 20.

1438
01:23:45.220 --> 01:23:48.780
And man, that was hard.

1439
01:23:49.900 --> 01:23:51.820
And I was angry.

1440
01:23:51.820 --> 01:23:53.660
And I wasn't even a believer then y'all.

1441
01:23:53.660 --> 01:23:55.780
I was kind of just starting.

1442
01:23:55.780 --> 01:23:57.300
I'd gone to church when I was a kid.

1443
01:23:57.300 --> 01:23:59.700
My family took, my grandparents took me to church.

1444
01:23:59.700 --> 01:24:01.100
Thank God they did.

1445
01:24:01.100 --> 01:24:05.020
I had enough in me that when I came around the right people

1446
01:24:05.020 --> 01:24:09.100
at the right time, that seed got right brought up

1447
01:24:09.100 --> 01:24:10.140
to the surface.

1448
01:24:12.100 --> 01:24:16.060
But I'm saying that to say that it was hard.

1449
01:24:16.060 --> 01:24:20.540
It was hard to give some of those things up

1450
01:24:21.900 --> 01:24:23.580
and not be angry at God for it.

1451
01:24:23.580 --> 01:24:26.100
And so that's what I wrote down

1452
01:24:26.100 --> 01:24:28.740
is I think some of your process,

1453
01:24:30.020 --> 01:24:32.260
the defeat and this discouragement.

1454
01:24:32.260 --> 01:24:34.340
Thank you, Marilyn.

1455
01:24:34.340 --> 01:24:39.220
Will lift as you forgive the Lord.

1456
01:24:39.300 --> 01:24:41.700
And for those of you that are like, forgive the Lord.

1457
01:24:41.700 --> 01:24:43.780
If you don't remember, we talk about this in heartwork.

1458
01:24:43.780 --> 01:24:46.220
Yes, we can forgive the Lord.

1459
01:24:46.220 --> 01:24:47.700
He hasn't done anything wrong,

1460
01:24:47.700 --> 01:24:52.620
but we perceived him at some point like he had.

1461
01:24:52.620 --> 01:24:53.580
And so just be praying.

1462
01:24:53.580 --> 01:24:55.740
And if that doesn't resonate, you can just pitch it.

1463
01:24:55.740 --> 01:24:57.220
You guys, anything I ever say,

1464
01:24:57.220 --> 01:24:59.620
if it doesn't resonate for you,

1465
01:24:59.620 --> 01:25:00.620
at least pray for me.

1466
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.840
into it for a little bit because sometimes we're like, no, no,

1467
01:25:03.840 --> 01:25:07.440
that's not for me. And then the words like, yes, it is.

1468
01:25:07.920 --> 01:25:08.160
Yes.

1469
01:25:10.080 --> 01:25:17.040
Especially as like, I, I moved to this area. It will be two

1470
01:25:17.040 --> 01:25:23.000
years in May. And I moved to pursue my career as an artist to

1471
01:25:23.000 --> 01:25:25.960
apprentice under a master artist at this calling this dream.

1472
01:25:26.360 --> 01:25:31.680
It's on my heart that I felt God leading me here. Like, yeah,

1473
01:25:31.720 --> 01:25:35.160
and I'm like, God called me here. And then this past year,

1474
01:25:35.320 --> 01:25:38.880
I haven't been able to do it. So I've been like, part of the

1475
01:25:38.880 --> 01:25:45.480
deep grief and the loss is like, God called me here for a

1476
01:25:45.480 --> 01:25:52.400
purpose that I'm not doing. Yeah. And I'm, I feel him

1477
01:25:52.640 --> 01:25:57.520
creating me as the art. He is a master artist. But it's painful

1478
01:25:57.560 --> 01:26:01.160
because in quilting instruments are very sharp.

1479
01:26:01.360 --> 01:26:05.440
100% Yeah. When we go through pain, it's not it doesn't feel

1480
01:26:05.440 --> 01:26:10.480
good. It's painful. But I'm glad that you're seeing that. But

1481
01:26:10.480 --> 01:26:13.080
here's some other things I don't want to forget to give this to

1482
01:26:13.080 --> 01:26:17.480
you. When you said, I've spent so much money, which it sounds

1483
01:26:17.480 --> 01:26:23.520
like you have like a whole lot. I wrote down money returned. And

1484
01:26:23.560 --> 01:26:28.160
I think that that's something that you need to pray for, that

1485
01:26:28.160 --> 01:26:33.120
God would restore all that the enemy has tried to steal from

1486
01:26:33.120 --> 01:26:38.480
you, through you having to drop out of school to do these

1487
01:26:38.480 --> 01:26:42.320
medical treatments to fix your house. And I believe there's

1488
01:26:42.320 --> 01:26:45.920
going to be a story of redemption in this. And I'm

1489
01:26:45.920 --> 01:26:49.480
just gonna even just in Jesus name, let it come back more than

1490
01:26:49.480 --> 01:26:54.560
what she lost. And, um, you know, but here's the thing. It

1491
01:26:54.560 --> 01:26:56.360
doesn't make it easier when we're going through it, because

1492
01:26:56.360 --> 01:26:58.640
we feel that financial loss, just like I told you guys

1493
01:26:58.640 --> 01:27:03.600
earlier. I mean, I literally lost homes and vehicles. And I

1494
01:27:03.600 --> 01:27:08.000
wasn't even doing anything wrong. My husband was, but I

1495
01:27:08.000 --> 01:27:11.920
was going through it. And it, you know, it was like, Oh, I

1496
01:27:11.920 --> 01:27:14.920
had so much shame. I'm not saying you have shame, but I

1497
01:27:14.920 --> 01:27:18.040
had shame. I had so many things to unpack from those

1498
01:27:18.040 --> 01:27:23.000
situations. But here's the thing. I had to also position

1499
01:27:23.000 --> 01:27:25.760
my heart. Remember those heart postures I was talking about

1500
01:27:25.760 --> 01:27:32.560
earlier to shift out of victim. Because as soon as we go

1501
01:27:32.560 --> 01:27:36.080
through anything for an extended period of time, so many people

1502
01:27:36.080 --> 01:27:39.560
are going to be like, Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so

1503
01:27:39.680 --> 01:27:42.920
sorry. I don't want to do anything for an extended period

1504
01:27:42.920 --> 01:27:48.600
of time. So many of us, we don't mean to, but we, we get stuck

1505
01:27:48.600 --> 01:27:54.200
in victim. And God's like, no, you're a Victor. Like even when

1506
01:27:54.200 --> 01:27:58.800
I was sick for one week, so nothing in comparison to what

1507
01:27:58.800 --> 01:28:02.840
you've been going through by any means. But I literally was like,

1508
01:28:03.120 --> 01:28:06.520
God, I don't want to be sick anymore. God. And I was taking

1509
01:28:06.840 --> 01:28:09.040
thank you for healing my body. And I was just praying, but I

1510
01:28:09.040 --> 01:28:13.840
wasn't getting better. And I was frustrated. Like, God, you can

1511
01:28:13.840 --> 01:28:17.640
heal me right now if you want to like, come on with this, you

1512
01:28:17.640 --> 01:28:20.600
know, and I'm kind of making light tonight a little bit, but

1513
01:28:20.600 --> 01:28:25.360
like y'all, I was like, Lord, I don't got time to be sick. Heal

1514
01:28:25.360 --> 01:28:32.040
me. Just heal me. I know you can. And I just, um, the reason

1515
01:28:32.040 --> 01:28:38.600
I'm saying that is I was kind of begging. And I'm not saying

1516
01:28:38.600 --> 01:28:41.120
that's wrong, y'all, because I was just in that moment, I was

1517
01:28:41.120 --> 01:28:45.320
just, you know, tired and worn out. But what God started

1518
01:28:45.320 --> 01:28:50.400
talking to me about is like, the, the, the place I was asking

1519
01:28:50.400 --> 01:28:54.600
from, I felt like I had to beg for it. And he was like, I

1520
01:28:54.600 --> 01:28:58.840
already gave it to you. Sometimes, you know, healing

1521
01:28:58.840 --> 01:29:03.080
takes time. And sometimes we got to go through it so that we

1522
01:29:03.080 --> 01:29:06.200
can pray for other people. And, and, and here's the kicker. You

1523
01:29:06.200 --> 01:29:08.880
want to know one of the things the enemy said to me, I was,

1524
01:29:08.880 --> 01:29:12.480
uh, praying about the healing and, and then the enemy

1525
01:29:12.480 --> 01:29:16.240
reminded me, oh yeah, like you're, God gave you a word

1526
01:29:16.240 --> 01:29:18.880
that you were going to be used to help heal people and look at

1527
01:29:18.880 --> 01:29:24.760
you, you're sick. That's what the enemy said to me. And so for

1528
01:29:24.760 --> 01:29:26.480
whatever it's worth, I don't know if that's for you or

1529
01:29:26.480 --> 01:29:29.840
anybody else, but this is how the devil tries to just get us

1530
01:29:29.840 --> 01:29:33.960
to agree with him. Because in that moment I was, I was like,

1531
01:29:34.280 --> 01:29:38.760
you're right. How could I ever help release healing for

1532
01:29:38.760 --> 01:29:41.480
people? Y'all, y'all, if you've ever been on a faith Friday

1533
01:29:41.640 --> 01:29:45.200
with me, I love to pray for healing. I love to see God heal

1534
01:29:45.200 --> 01:29:49.280
people. And I believe God's called me to release that stuff

1535
01:29:49.280 --> 01:29:54.400
to people. And so I was like, yeah, why am I sick Lord all

1536
01:29:54.400 --> 01:30:00.000
the time? Too much, too much. If I can release this for

1537
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.400
for other people that I can release it for myself.

1538
01:30:03.400 --> 01:30:06.200
And you know what the devil tried to use to get me

1539
01:30:06.200 --> 01:30:10.280
to like be mad at God and be in not healthy place

1540
01:30:10.280 --> 01:30:12.540
actually got turned around on him.

1541
01:30:12.540 --> 01:30:14.680
And I just started declaring like,

1542
01:30:14.680 --> 01:30:15.980
I just believe in Jesus.

1543
01:30:15.980 --> 01:30:17.860
I just laid hands on my own self.

1544
01:30:17.860 --> 01:30:19.360
I just started praying over myself,

1545
01:30:19.360 --> 01:30:21.560
laying hands on myself and declaring it.

1546
01:30:21.560 --> 01:30:23.820
And yeah, it still took time,

1547
01:30:23.820 --> 01:30:26.520
but I'm partnering with the fact that I can release healing

1548
01:30:26.520 --> 01:30:28.100
and God wants to release that through me

1549
01:30:28.100 --> 01:30:29.700
and even for myself.

1550
01:30:29.700 --> 01:30:33.040
And so for whatever it's worth, it's not easy.

1551
01:30:33.040 --> 01:30:34.600
And it might take a while.

1552
01:30:34.600 --> 01:30:36.840
And I know we have a lot of people in this community

1553
01:30:36.840 --> 01:30:41.680
that have battled sickness for a long time.

1554
01:30:41.680 --> 01:30:43.840
And so I'm not saying it's always like,

1555
01:30:43.840 --> 01:30:46.620
hey, you can lay hands on yourself and boom,

1556
01:30:46.620 --> 01:30:47.920
you're just gonna be good.

1557
01:30:48.980 --> 01:30:50.980
It's not always like that.

1558
01:30:50.980 --> 01:30:54.620
So I don't want anyone that has been sick for a long time

1559
01:30:54.620 --> 01:30:58.920
to feel any shame or any lies from the enemy right now

1560
01:30:58.940 --> 01:31:00.440
because I'm talking about that.

1561
01:31:02.720 --> 01:31:06.660
But I think God wants to show up

1562
01:31:06.660 --> 01:31:09.520
and show off through this situation.

1563
01:31:09.520 --> 01:31:13.160
And let's just see as you lean in.

1564
01:31:13.160 --> 01:31:15.400
And even the time lost,

1565
01:31:15.400 --> 01:31:20.400
I'm not just talking about money lost, time lost.

1566
01:31:21.540 --> 01:31:22.740
And so I'll circle back to what

1567
01:31:22.740 --> 01:31:24.440
I was saying about being sick.

1568
01:31:24.440 --> 01:31:28.400
I kept telling people I lost a week of my life.

1569
01:31:28.760 --> 01:31:30.500
I lost a week of my life.

1570
01:31:30.500 --> 01:31:31.660
I'm frustrated.

1571
01:31:32.500 --> 01:31:35.060
And God's like, oh, I can give you that week back.

1572
01:31:37.000 --> 01:31:38.200
Y'all are like, how?

1573
01:31:39.740 --> 01:31:41.360
God's a redeemer of time.

1574
01:31:42.980 --> 01:31:44.880
So he can give me that week back.

1575
01:31:44.880 --> 01:31:46.300
I don't know how.

1576
01:31:46.300 --> 01:31:47.580
That's not for me to worry about.

1577
01:31:47.580 --> 01:31:48.540
He's supernatural.

1578
01:31:48.540 --> 01:31:49.740
I can just trust him.

1579
01:31:51.020 --> 01:31:54.280
So let's pray.

1580
01:31:54.280 --> 01:31:58.020
And in Jesus name, Lord, I just pray for my,

1581
01:31:58.680 --> 01:31:59.580
how do you say your name again?

1582
01:31:59.580 --> 01:32:00.420
Maeve.

1583
01:32:00.420 --> 01:32:01.240
I love how you say it.

1584
01:32:01.240 --> 01:32:02.080
Maeve.

1585
01:32:02.080 --> 01:32:04.080
But if you want to call me mom it's great too.

1586
01:32:04.080 --> 01:32:04.920
No, I don't.

1587
01:32:04.920 --> 01:32:06.040
I want to call you by your name

1588
01:32:06.040 --> 01:32:07.620
because that's your name, Maeve.

1589
01:32:07.620 --> 01:32:09.860
Lord, I just declare right now for Maeve,

1590
01:32:09.860 --> 01:32:13.420
God, we just come against the spirit of disease

1591
01:32:13.420 --> 01:32:16.120
and sickness that's coming against her body

1592
01:32:16.120 --> 01:32:18.560
and warring against her as well as the mold in her house.

1593
01:32:18.560 --> 01:32:20.460
Even today, she had no clue.

1594
01:32:20.460 --> 01:32:22.340
I had mold in our house here

1595
01:32:22.340 --> 01:32:26.640
and the Lord told me to pray for that mold to disappear.

1596
01:32:26.660 --> 01:32:29.560
So Lord, I just speak to the mold and disease

1597
01:32:29.560 --> 01:32:34.300
and the pores or whatever's there to be gone in Jesus name.

1598
01:32:34.300 --> 01:32:36.340
That whether it's through people coming

1599
01:32:36.340 --> 01:32:37.400
and servicing her house,

1600
01:32:37.400 --> 01:32:40.140
that they'll find the exact root of the problem,

1601
01:32:40.140 --> 01:32:41.300
the source.

1602
01:32:41.300 --> 01:32:44.220
God, that you would just remove all of that from her home.

1603
01:32:44.220 --> 01:32:47.620
Lord, that you would bring all the money back

1604
01:32:47.620 --> 01:32:49.660
and then some that's been taken from her

1605
01:32:49.660 --> 01:32:51.160
through these situations.

1606
01:32:51.160 --> 01:32:53.160
God, that you would just encourage her.

1607
01:32:53.160 --> 01:32:55.160
She came in defeated and discouraged

1608
01:32:55.480 --> 01:32:58.480
in all the feelings of being beat down by these situations.

1609
01:32:58.480 --> 01:33:00.120
But God, I ask you in the days ahead

1610
01:33:00.120 --> 01:33:02.280
in this season of spring,

1611
01:33:02.280 --> 01:33:03.160
that even right now,

1612
01:33:03.160 --> 01:33:07.160
even though she has had some sickness return,

1613
01:33:07.160 --> 01:33:09.900
yes, Lord, she's not going all the way back

1614
01:33:09.900 --> 01:33:11.000
through all that stuff again.

1615
01:33:11.000 --> 01:33:12.640
We thank you God that you're the healer,

1616
01:33:12.640 --> 01:33:14.260
you're the great physician.

1617
01:33:14.260 --> 01:33:15.500
Nothing is too hard for you.

1618
01:33:15.500 --> 01:33:18.040
We plead the blood of Jesus Christ over her

1619
01:33:18.040 --> 01:33:22.040
and surrounding her home tonight in Jesus name.

1620
01:33:22.040 --> 01:33:22.880
Amen.

1621
01:33:23.460 --> 01:33:25.600
We just believe that for you

1622
01:33:25.600 --> 01:33:28.840
and you all, God is good.

1623
01:33:28.840 --> 01:33:30.240
He's good.

1624
01:33:30.240 --> 01:33:32.980
Man, I'm at 934 already you all.

1625
01:33:32.980 --> 01:33:36.520
This time went so fast, too fast.

1626
01:33:37.400 --> 01:33:38.920
Thank you, Bethany.

1627
01:33:38.920 --> 01:33:40.560
You're welcome.

1628
01:33:40.560 --> 01:33:41.900
We can do this again.

1629
01:33:41.900 --> 01:33:42.740
I feel bad.

1630
01:33:42.740 --> 01:33:44.040
I've got three more people,

1631
01:33:44.040 --> 01:33:47.280
but I just, I can't keep going you all.

1632
01:33:47.280 --> 01:33:48.880
I want to,

1633
01:33:48.880 --> 01:33:53.120
but this is me being able to set a healthy boundary.

1634
01:33:53.120 --> 01:33:54.080
Look at me go.

1635
01:33:54.080 --> 01:33:55.780
Look at me do this.

1636
01:33:56.980 --> 01:33:58.160
I've had fun tonight,

1637
01:33:58.160 --> 01:33:59.780
even though we've been talking heartwork

1638
01:33:59.780 --> 01:34:01.240
and all the things

1639
01:34:01.240 --> 01:34:03.520
and sharing some of my life with you all.

1640
01:34:03.520 --> 01:34:06.280
And man, God, like genuinely,

1641
01:34:06.280 --> 01:34:08.120
can we all just agree?

1642
01:34:09.080 --> 01:34:10.560
And if you don't feel this,

1643
01:34:10.560 --> 01:34:13.880
I pray that God will help you experience him

1644
01:34:13.880 --> 01:34:16.120
in a new way tonight and tomorrow.

1645
01:34:16.120 --> 01:34:17.880
Can we just all agree and say,

1646
01:34:17.920 --> 01:34:19.060
let's just unmute

1647
01:34:19.060 --> 01:34:21.980
and just agree that God is good.

1648
01:34:21.980 --> 01:34:22.900
I would love to hear.

1649
01:34:22.900 --> 01:34:23.860
Let's just hear it.

1650
01:34:23.860 --> 01:34:25.220
Like, God is good.

1651
01:34:25.220 --> 01:34:26.360
God is good.

1652
01:34:26.360 --> 01:34:27.360
God is good.

1653
01:34:32.320 --> 01:34:33.320
God is good.

1654
01:34:35.200 --> 01:34:36.120
God is good.

1655
01:34:36.120 --> 01:34:37.040
God is good.

1656
01:34:41.040 --> 01:34:42.080
God is good.

1657
01:34:42.080 --> 01:34:43.000
Go, go, go.

1658
01:34:44.280 --> 01:34:47.180
Does that mean anyone else's soul?

1659
01:34:47.180 --> 01:34:48.020
I don't know.

1660
01:34:48.020 --> 01:34:48.860
It does mine.

1661
01:34:48.860 --> 01:34:50.300
It does mine.

1662
01:34:50.300 --> 01:34:53.300
And so here, let me give you one last thing.

1663
01:34:53.300 --> 01:34:55.860
As we were at this conference this week,

1664
01:34:55.860 --> 01:34:58.740
you know, I always feel like God is good.

1665
01:34:58.740 --> 01:34:59.560
I do.

1666
01:34:59.560 --> 01:35:00.400
I do always feel.

1667
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:07.360
like he's good. But even I go through hard times and sometimes I just need to be reminded about how

1668
01:35:08.000 --> 01:35:17.520
mighty he is. Like he's big and he's mighty and he's loving and he loves me and he loves you

1669
01:35:17.520 --> 01:35:25.200
intimately. Like he's intimately involved in your life. He's not forgotten you.

1670
01:35:26.160 --> 01:35:31.520
He's not passing you over and just blessing everybody else. If you believe that, that's

1671
01:35:31.520 --> 01:35:37.680
the enemy telling you that. And so let's look at where that's coming from. But he's good. And

1672
01:35:38.560 --> 01:35:45.280
maybe tonight before you go to bed, just find it. You can just Google it. Christian songs about God

1673
01:35:45.280 --> 01:35:52.800
being mighty and powerful. And let's just see what comes up and let's meditate on how powerful

1674
01:35:52.960 --> 01:35:59.840
the God that we serve, the God that loves us, the God that sent his son Jesus to die for us so that

1675
01:35:59.840 --> 01:36:06.720
we could be in relationship with him and have victory and all of these things. He's still on

1676
01:36:06.720 --> 01:36:11.840
the throne and he's not just up there on the throne like, oh, I'm just going to let him suffer.

1677
01:36:12.480 --> 01:36:20.320
No, he's like, I'm going to get down into the mess with them and I'm going to clear it out

1678
01:36:20.320 --> 01:36:27.600
lovingly. And I'm going to help them come out of the pain that they experienced when they were

1679
01:36:27.600 --> 01:36:33.360
little Mandy, when they were little Joshua, when they were little Caressa, and I'm going to help

1680
01:36:33.360 --> 01:36:40.320
them understand that I'm making them new. I'm making everything new. He's making everything

1681
01:36:40.960 --> 01:36:47.040
new. I love you all. We love you. We're so thankful that you're here in our community

1682
01:36:47.760 --> 01:36:52.160
for such a time as this. God's doing awesome stuff. I pray that you will be encouraged and

1683
01:36:52.160 --> 01:36:57.200
that you will have Selah rest tonight. I'll see you all in the groups. Have a great night, everyone.

1684
01:36:58.160 --> 01:37:00.800
Thank you, Bethany.