WEBVTT

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All right, well, welcome to those ladies that are here with us live here on March 25th.

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This is phase two.

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This is our phase two part check in.

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All right.

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So, it's so good to be here.

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For those of you that do not know me, I'm Carla Johnson.

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I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year Single.

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I walked through this program myself.

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I came to find Jackie in 2020 when she launched the community.

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I spent a few years single in her community, and my spirit mate did finally show up, finally.

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I've now been married a little over a year and a half.

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I've been in this program since the beginning.

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I've been on all sides of it.

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I've had the privilege and honor and blessing to be able to coach a lot of the women here

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in the community over the last year.

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So, I really, really enjoy being able to pour back into you ladies.

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It's just a testimony of what this program is all about and what it can do.

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It's just been such an honor, like I said.

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I've seen a lot of beautiful, amazing love stories, myself included.

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So, like I said, always good to be here.

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So, curious, how many of you are brand new to Phase 2?

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May, I don't see a picture or your video.

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I don't know if I recognize your name.

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So, forgive me if this isn't your first time.

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Luisa, is this your first time on the 1 o'clock call?

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Awesome.

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Well, welcome.

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Are you brand new to Phase 2?

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You're muted.

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So, you can go ahead and unmute.

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I've been on for just a couple of weeks.

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Okay.

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Well, welcome.

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I started about two weeks ago, I think it was.

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Awesome.

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Well, welcome.

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We're so happy to have you.

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Thank you.

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All right.

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Well, ladies, I'm just going to go ahead and hit some housekeeping items,

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and then we can go ahead and get started.

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So, ladies, just a reminder, make sure that you're checking all of those tabs

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in our app, okay?

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So, that's the coursework, the replays, and that resource tab especially, okay?

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So, you don't want to miss any of that stuff.

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The courses tab is where you're going to find all of your content for Phase 2.

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It has those five videos that we want to make sure that you're not rushing through,

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that you're only doing one of those course content videos a week.

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And then under the replay tab would be where all of our heart check-in replays are,

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Supernatural Saturday.

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Occasionally, we'll have a Sunday night prophetic activation night that gets put

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on replay.

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And then our resources tab is where you're going to find things like information

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about our single cities that is in the Facebook group.

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And then any trips that are coming up or speaking engagements that Jackie is putting

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on around the globe, if you will.

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So, that's where you're going to want to make sure you're constantly checking those

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tabs so that you're staying up-to-date on the information.

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So, those of you...and then I want to also remind you, those of you that have been

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around a while in Phase 2, so I don't see anybody currently that's online,

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but if you're watching in replay and this is you, and it's kind of, you know,

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you're like, oh, she's probably talking about me, if you've been around Phase 2

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for a while, let's start getting you shifted over to Phase 3, okay?

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And so, in order to do that, you're going to email admin at

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jackiejorman.com and request to be moved into Phase 3.

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So, again, that's only if you've been here for a little while, okay, for longer than those

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four to five weeks, but also that you've watched all the video content.

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So, we know that some of you ladies are going to stay a little longer than four

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or five weeks, and that it might take you a little longer to get through that coursework

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material, which is totally fine, but we want to make sure that we're not just

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sitting here stagnant in Phase 2 for three, four, I've even seen ladies stay here five

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or six months.

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So, we want to really shift you over into that Phase 3, because there's a lot

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of really good content over there, too, that we want you to have access to once

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you've completed the coursework in Phase 2 and come to live check-ins and have

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opportunities to get...

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some coaching and ask your questions to us here in phase two. But again, there's a lot of really

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great stuff happening in phase three that we don't want you missing out on. So, but again,

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we also don't want you rushing through phase two as well. So there's just a healthy balance with

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that, if you will. Okay. For those of you that might be new to phase two, just a reminder that

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this phase is for you to be able to receive. Okay. So I know some of us have teacher hats

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and counselor hats and all those good things, mother hats, if you will. Just remember,

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you're here to receive. You don't have to feel obligated to give advice or coach other women

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in here. Go ahead and leave that to us coaches here in phase two, and you just engage in the

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community, but with the heart, heart posture of receiving. Okay. So that's pretty much all I've

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got for phase two right now. I see Megan is here with us. Welcome. And Leslie, I see your name. I

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don't see a picture of face. If you have the ability to come on camera, please do. So yes,

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that's about it for my housekeeping stuff. What I do want to let you ladies know is that

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here in a moment after I get through a couple things, I'm going to open the floor for you

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ladies to ask questions. And so if you know that you have a question for me, go ahead and

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put your avatar hand up. Okay. So that I know how many ladies we've got on here

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that have questions because we really want to make sure that we're holding true to time.

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And that lets me kind of know as well to see how fast I have to talk to get through

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some of the content. All right. So again, just a reminder, if you do have a question,

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ladies, please make sure that you're keeping those questions short, brief, and powerful.

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As much as I want to hear all the background information, I want to hear all the tea.

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We really don't have a lot of time to be able to do that. So let's try to keep those within two

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minutes. Let's not try to extend over that. And then just a reminder, if you have more than one

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question, let's ask one first. Let everybody who has a question ask their one question.

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And then if there's time, we can revisit any additional questions. Ladies, thank you so much.

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Yes, I don't typically wear a lot of red, but I appreciate it. Usually I wear a lot of blues and

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greens. So I'm trying new things. I'm trying to add some extra color to my wardrobe. So

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it's good to know. I will make a note that red is good for me. Anyway, back to those questions.

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It's also important that if we don't get to your question, and I have to cut it off at a time,

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that you have the ability to go into the app and ask your question there.

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We also have an 8 o'clock Eastern Time call tonight. So if you didn't have an opportunity

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to ask the question, you can make that, that you can go ahead and ask your question at 8 o'clock

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tonight too. With that also being said is if you're on this 1 o'clock call and you have the

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opportunity to ask your question and you did ask a question on the 1 o'clock call and you show up

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to the 8 o'clock call, let the ladies who have not gotten to ask a question on the 8 o'clock call

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to ask their questions first before you jump in and ask a second question to a coach. Does that

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make sense? Does everybody follow? So if you've been here at 1 o'clock and ask a question and

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you show up at 8 o'clock and you have a question, let ladies who haven't had at least one question

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asked, let them have that opportunity first. And then we can get to a second question there too,

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if need be. Okay. Awesome. Okay. So I got five ladies that got questions. I'm going to go ahead

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and pray and then we're going to dive into a couple of things and then we'll get those questions

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going. Okay. So Heavenly Father, I thank you for this time together. Lord, I just ask that you just

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remind us of your presence. Lord, I pray that we have the ears to hear your wisdom and that if

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there's anything that, you know, any lies that we're starting to align with or believe, Lord,

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I just ask that you enlighten us and you show us your truth so that we can replace those lies

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with your goodness, your truth, and what you call for us in our lives and so that we just be open to

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at and just again hold us close to your heart. We thank you and all that you do and our opportunities

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here. We thank you for Jackie and David and all the team and all the ladies and men that show up.

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I thank you for those that even just you know they allow themselves to be vulnerable here

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and just to continue to speak to all of those ladies and men to trust you and

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yeah just be with us today in your son's mighty name. Amen. All right got more people on the call.

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Awesome. I'm seeing more faces. Good. Caitlin so good to see you. I'm glad to have you here.

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Awesome. Okay ladies activation from last week. Who remembers what it was? Who had the opportunity

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to do it? Go ahead and unmute if you were able to get that activation and and want to share

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what you discovered. How did that how'd that go for you? I can. Yes Lauren thank you. Yeah so I

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actually went on a walk in the metro parks like out in the woods with another girl who's in this

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program also and she hadn't gotten on that call so she didn't know the homework and so I told her

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I'm like this is our homework so we were walking along all these people passing us and every single

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one she's like girl why are they all looking at you? I'm like because I'm staring them down.

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Because you're making eye contact with them. Yes. I love it. I go it's not because of anything about

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me except for that I'm staring at them so I literally looked eye to eye with like every

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person who walked by me smiled said hi and that's like not my norm at all so it was good.

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Awesome. Good. Okay so Lauren brought up a good point ladies. So she's walking with one of the

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other ladies in the program and and she didn't she was not aware of the activation. Was there

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anybody that wasn't aware of the activation? I know I got like four people that got their hands

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up for questions but in the chat if you didn't know that there was an activation let me know.

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Because I want to make sure that you ladies have information that you need.

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Okay so Lily you didn't. Okay Leslie you missed it last week. Okay so Megan this is your first

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life of course. Yep that's I understand that so yes. Okay so Lily you didn't make the call. Okay

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you missed a call on Tuesday. Watch the replay. Okay make sure you're watching those replays

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because we go over activations at the beginning of every call and so that's when you're going

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to get those. Okay would it be helpful if I made post each week about what the activations are?

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Like I want to make sure you get these activations but I also don't want to just

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I want you ladies listening to replays. Like that's important. There's a lot of good information

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not just for the activations but your sisters here come and share their struggles,

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their dating situations, just their life situations. And believe it or not having been

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and walked through this program myself a lot of what your sisters are experiencing

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you might possibly be experiencing or will eventually be experiencing

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and there is breakthrough in other people's stories. All right so I don't want you ladies

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not coming to like this is why these heart check-ins are important. That's why we really

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do emphasize that's why we even offer two in hopes to catch everyone who has like off schedules.

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So not not everyone can make afternoon evenings and not everyone can make like lunchtime calls

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and I know we we also have time zone issues as well but that's why we also offer those in replay.

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So I really want to emphasize ladies that you it's that you're coming to those because that's

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where you're going to get these activations. Okay okay so I'm seeing a few things in the

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chat so I'm going to go through here. Caitlin you're at a copy shot but similarly I made an

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effort to make eye contact.

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I engage people more and I noticed that more people seem to notice me and made more effort with me. So

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Yes, I felt like I felt a little more magnet

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Magnetic. Sorry not reading very clearly here. Yes ladies

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So believe it or not

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Even this activation like so those of you that didn't know or those of you that are on the call for the first time

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Or new to phase two last week. I activated you ladies to start making eye contact with men

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Smiling and if the opportunity arises to make small talk

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Okay, I would even say this doesn't even just have to apply to men

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Like Lauren said she looked at everybody. She made eye contact with everybody

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Leave it or not ladies

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You want to start engaging with people because you never know

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Who is connected to your spirit mate?

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It could be someone some other woman that you meet at the grocery store

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you know

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Believe it or not. That's how I I I met my husband through another sister here in this community

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I was friends with her. We got to know each other

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alright, and

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Because she knew me and obviously she knew I was single because we were in Jackie's program together

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Okay, she was in a single space but group

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for Christians and

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She saw my husband's profile. She was already dating somebody y'all

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she was dating someone at the time and

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She saw my husband and was like she screenshot like all of his stuff all his photos all of his little blip

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She's like, hey, what do you think about this guy?

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I'm like, yeah, okay

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And she reached out to him

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And then she kind of like didn't respond to him and so thankfully

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God prompted him to still reach out to me

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And now the rest is history. Okay, we've been married a year and a half now, right? So you never know

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Who you might come in contact with and who you who who knew you might meet?

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That could connect you to your spirit mate

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So again, I'm going to give this activation for you ladies again

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Continue to be making eye contact with men and even women smiling making small talk and then come

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prepared next week

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to

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Share with us your experience or better yet share it with us in the app

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Let's not wait till next week

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Experience or better yet share it with us in the app. Let's not wait till next week

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Go ahead and share that with us in the app, okay

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All right, so colette you forgot of okay. Yep. I love it

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That you still do that. That's still good practice

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Um, any communication is good. I also try to go back and listen to replace good making. I love it

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Um lily awesome

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Yes, lily, you are you do everything to a t you've grown so much. I love watching you walk

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Um this phase two out with us always so good

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um

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I just have an issue with doing this with married men. I've gotten into trouble in the past

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The for it so it makes me nervous. Okay. Well lily here in a little bit

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We can always unpack that after your first question if there's time. Okay, so we can always get to that

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All right, and joan you make eye contact. Um on your date good and he really liked it and it helped you communicate

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So as far as getting um a man to help I got a man to open a smoothie lid good

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ladies

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men love to help

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They really do

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like when I was in this program

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We like we kind of had this me and the ladies in the program

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We had this kind of joke about going to home depot all the time

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Because apparently that's where men hang out y'all

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Like you're not usually gonna find me there because i'm you know, i'm like, yeah, but but

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You know some of us like we would we would be like

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Maybe I can go spend a saturday at home depot and look at some plants or look at some light fixtures or whatever

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Look at some paint swatches, right?

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And let's see if we can like find a guy to help us or get their feedback or get their input y'all men light up

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When you ask them for help

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Okay

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Um, and again, it doesn't have to be because you're attracted to them and you want to go on a date

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I actually encourage you just to ladies like

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Make eye contact even with the people that you don't like the men that you don't find attractive and just smile and say hi

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Okay, now obviously lily if he's with his wife

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Probably not like let's not make eye contact and like, you know bow our eyes that some men if they're with their wives, okay

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um

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Yeah

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Like some women might not take it well.

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I actually get a kick out of it when I'm out in public

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and see women making eyes at my husband.

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That's when I'm like, ladies, he's mine.

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Don't take him.

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But yeah, but let's get that into practice

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and let's come ready to share next week.

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Cool?

243
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Awesome.

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Okay, so I don't have a whole lot of time.

245
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I don't wanna waste.

246
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I wanna allow for opportunity for y'all to ask questions.

247
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I got four ladies.

248
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I thought I had five.

249
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Did I not have five?

250
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Did someone jump off that I missed?

251
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Somebody unmute and let me know.

252
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Colette?

253
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Oh, okay.

254
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Well, do you have a question?

255
00:20:52.020 --> 00:20:55.380
No, I was just gonna let you know about the activation,

256
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but I put it in the chat.

257
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Okay, perfect.

258
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Okay.

259
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Colette, were you the one that had your hand up before?

260
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I was gonna talk.

261
00:21:02.760 --> 00:21:03.880
It wasn't more a question.

262
00:21:03.880 --> 00:21:06.880
It was just kind of feelings, but I can wait.

263
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Okay, well, put your hand up

264
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because I do wanna hear from you.

265
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Okay, so then that way it gives me an idea.

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And then, and Caitlin, you have your question.

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So yeah, put those avatar hands up, ladies,

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because I do wanna get to you if there's time.

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Okay, just real quick.

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I'm not gonna try to take a whole lot of time.

271
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I'm actually gonna look at the time right now.

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I'm gonna kind of pace myself here.

273
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So a few things that I really feel important

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to share with you ladies

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is this understanding of just this program.

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So especially for you ladies that are new to phase two,

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you'll probably hear us talk often about this phase

278
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and what it's all about.

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And so, you ladies have just come out of heartwork,

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and so now you're into what we call the discovery,

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dating for discovery phase, okay?

282
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So it's where, you all been on sabbatical.

283
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We asked you in phase one not to do any dating,

284
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and now we're kind of giving you like,

285
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okay, we're gonna open the door for you to start dating.

286
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But just because, like, phase two,

287
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don't feel like you have to be dating

288
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in order to get something from this program

289
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or from this phase, if you will.

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So believe it or not, you've come out of heartwork

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with all this knowledge and these tools,

292
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and those tools and the knowledge that you have

293
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is going to help you in all relationships.

294
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So it's not just the dating relationships.

295
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It's your relationships with your friends,

296
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your family, your kids, your coworkers,

297
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people at church, people that you're meeting,

298
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people that you're dating, okay?

299
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It's a kind of a catch-all, all right?

300
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Every one of you is gonna be in a different season

301
00:22:41.580 --> 00:22:44.820
and are gonna have a different journey, okay?

302
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So don't disqualify yourself

303
00:22:46.700 --> 00:22:49.540
just because maybe you're not getting dates

304
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or you are kind of maybe waiting a little bit

305
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and getting some of the knowledge from our phase

306
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before you get out into dating.

307
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But what I will emphasize that's important

308
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is that this phase is really going to stretch you

309
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in submitting to the wisdom of this program, okay?

310
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And it's that submitting to that wisdom of this program

311
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is what's gonna help prepare you for marriage

312
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and who God has for you, okay?

313
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And I can give some of my own examples, all right,

314
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having walked through this myself, okay?

315
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So the one thing that I will share

316
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that if you're not already doing,

317
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make sure you have a relationship with God

318
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and you are communicating with Him, okay?

319
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Because at the end of the day, that's your source.

320
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God is your source.

321
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And then this community, we're your resources, okay?

322
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We're your wise counsel, if you will, okay?

323
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I believe that God brings people in our life

324
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to give us wise counsel, okay?

325
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For any of you, like, you know,

326
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if you're trying to learn something new or grow in an area,

327
00:24:10.280 --> 00:24:11.320
you're gonna go to people

328
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that have walked through it before, right?

329
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Right, when y'all get married,

330
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are you gonna want to get wisdom

331
00:24:20.560 --> 00:24:22.960
from somebody that's never been married before?

332
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No, you're gonna go to people

333
00:24:27.240 --> 00:24:30.600
that have been married for a while, right?

334
00:24:30.600 --> 00:24:32.120
That's what my husband and I are doing.

335
00:24:32.120 --> 00:24:36.120
Like, we're reaching out and walking through our marriage

336
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and we're going to couples that have been married

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for a good amount of time, okay?

338
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There's wisdom in that.

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And so that's really what this program is about.

340
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That's what, you know, us coaches have walked

341
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through this season that you're in

342
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or in this program for a little bit.

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And so that's important to keep in mind, okay?

344
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And so and then the last thing I will touch on here and then we'll open the

345
00:25:04.920 --> 00:25:10.920
floor for about 45 minutes for questions is heart work will continue to happen in

346
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phase two. Okay I saw a lot of posts on the app and in roll call where you know

347
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if you ladies go in there and look you might see me reminding some of the ladies

348
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to start unpacking those lies and replacing it with truth. Okay heart work

349
00:25:30.600 --> 00:25:35.560
will continue you'll often hear Jackie say if you've been hurt in community

350
00:25:35.560 --> 00:25:40.160
you're gonna be healed in community. If you've been hurt in family you'll get

351
00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:44.960
healed in family. If you've been hurt in relationship you're gonna be healed in

352
00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:53.440
relationship. Okay and as we uncover those layers of the onion all right new

353
00:25:53.440 --> 00:25:59.720
things are gonna surface we're gonna recognize ooh this this is odd this is

354
00:25:59.720 --> 00:26:03.640
uncomfortable this is new this is being highlighted I'm feeling anxious I'm

355
00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:12.320
feeling avoidant I'm feeling triggered what am I believing that's again those

356
00:26:12.320 --> 00:26:20.200
are what we learned in heart work. What lies or what little foxes in our garden

357
00:26:20.200 --> 00:26:29.400
are we believing that's starting to surface and let's start recognizing that

358
00:26:29.400 --> 00:26:35.680
but the most important thing to remember is we can identify a lie we can identify

359
00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:41.600
that maybe we're responding out of a counterfeit but just identifying it

360
00:26:41.600 --> 00:26:46.520
isn't going to solve what we need to solve what's gonna happen what needs to

361
00:26:46.520 --> 00:26:51.600
take place and the one piece that sometimes I even need to remind myself

362
00:26:51.600 --> 00:26:56.000
to make sure that I'm doing is making sure that we're taking that lie and

363
00:26:56.000 --> 00:27:03.760
replacing it with truth. So I think Joan you had you're having some anxious

364
00:27:03.760 --> 00:27:11.520
thoughts and I responded in the roll call what if you could say what is one

365
00:27:11.520 --> 00:27:25.280
thought or fear in one statement would you identify you are let's let me put it

366
00:27:25.280 --> 00:27:31.920
this way so what is something that you are believing when it comes to someone

367
00:27:31.920 --> 00:27:44.760
dating more than one person I guess I'm just worried that like you know he might

368
00:27:44.760 --> 00:27:53.040
feel more strongly about another woman okay but what I like in the season of my

369
00:27:53.040 --> 00:27:58.920
life because it's the first time is that I'm also seeing other people because in

370
00:27:58.920 --> 00:28:04.120
the past I feel like everyone was seeing other people and I was trying to

371
00:28:04.120 --> 00:28:11.080
be loyal to one person and you know but but dating has changed now right so yeah

372
00:28:11.080 --> 00:28:15.760
so yeah so you brought up a lot of good points I'm gonna go back to the first

373
00:28:15.760 --> 00:28:23.040
thing you said that you and it you were worried that he might like someone else

374
00:28:23.040 --> 00:28:30.200
more was that right okay so let's let's dive a little deeper on that one what's

375
00:28:30.200 --> 00:28:35.440
what's the root what is the root belief

376
00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:47.520
I don't want to lose him don't lose him oh you like him right you're interested

377
00:28:47.520 --> 00:28:56.760
in him yes yes okay so there's a couple things here that's kind of coming up in

378
00:28:56.760 --> 00:29:01.200
my spirit and you just you communicate to me if any of this resonates with you

379
00:29:01.200 --> 00:29:11.600
um you don't want to lose something that you think is good right yeah is it

380
00:29:11.600 --> 00:29:21.440
possible that there is some scarcity or poverty mindset that I found something

381
00:29:21.440 --> 00:29:29.200
good and there's nothing else better out there right yes you got it yeah yeah so

382
00:29:29.200 --> 00:29:32.960
that's I'm saying like ladies you see how some of these situations and these

383
00:29:32.960 --> 00:29:37.800
dating experiences can start bringing a few things to surface that we can start

384
00:29:37.800 --> 00:29:42.080
unpacking and and God can start highlighting to us maybe some of these

385
00:29:42.080 --> 00:29:48.120
belief systems that we're aligning with okay so again like I even hear you say

386
00:29:48.120 --> 00:29:52.080
that he's gonna like someone more so is it possible that we have this belief

387
00:29:52.080 --> 00:29:58.520
that maybe we're not worthy or valuable or good enough do any of those beliefs

388
00:29:58.520 --> 00:30:02.120
start entering in your mind

389
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.760
mind. Right? Okay. And so that's what we want to recognize. We

390
00:30:05.760 --> 00:30:09.720
want to recognize, okay, so when I have this, maybe this anxious

391
00:30:09.720 --> 00:30:13.360
feeling, or I'm talking to this guy really like him, and he's

392
00:30:13.360 --> 00:30:15.880
over here talking to somebody else, and I want to be loyal.

393
00:30:15.880 --> 00:30:19.200
And now I'm having to think more than one person. And I'm not

394
00:30:19.200 --> 00:30:22.320
sure what to do with all of this, right. But it's starting

395
00:30:22.320 --> 00:30:25.920
to bring some things to surface, and God can start healing some

396
00:30:25.920 --> 00:30:32.160
of these lies, right? So again, like, where, where, what is that

397
00:30:32.160 --> 00:30:37.120
rooted in this? Maybe I'm not good enough. No good man is

398
00:30:37.120 --> 00:30:41.880
going to so a guy that I'm attracted to or interested in is

399
00:30:41.880 --> 00:30:47.480
not going to like me back. And is that true? Is that what our

400
00:30:47.480 --> 00:30:53.520
Papa God has for us? And so you see, ladies, how we can start

401
00:30:53.520 --> 00:30:56.600
uncovering and unpacking some of this stuff, and start

402
00:30:56.600 --> 00:31:03.400
replacing it with what God says is true. He says we are worthy.

403
00:31:03.440 --> 00:31:06.600
We're beautifully and wonderfully made. He has, he

404
00:31:06.600 --> 00:31:11.040
has plans and purposes, purposes for us to prosper us. He wants

405
00:31:11.040 --> 00:31:18.480
to give us good gifts. Do we believe that marriage is a

406
00:31:18.480 --> 00:31:31.000
beautiful gift from God? Do you? Ladies, do you believe it? Put

407
00:31:31.000 --> 00:31:34.240
it in the chat. Do you believe that the gift of marriage is

408
00:31:34.240 --> 00:31:45.680
from God? Do you believe it could be a gift? All right. Yes. So

409
00:31:45.680 --> 00:31:48.600
if this is a beautiful gift from God, don't you think he is

410
00:31:48.600 --> 00:31:59.200
intentional and purpose someone for you? So if someone may not,

411
00:31:59.240 --> 00:32:02.760
we might be interested in someone, they may not be

412
00:32:02.760 --> 00:32:05.080
interested in us, and it must not be a person, there must be

413
00:32:05.080 --> 00:32:09.280
somebody better out there. And then if we are interested in

414
00:32:09.280 --> 00:32:11.160
that person, and they're interested in us back, then

415
00:32:11.760 --> 00:32:15.760
we're going to treasure it. We're going to see the value in

416
00:32:15.760 --> 00:32:19.840
that person. So again, this ladies, this phase is going to

417
00:32:19.840 --> 00:32:26.600
start helping you ladies really get to the roots of things. And

418
00:32:26.600 --> 00:32:30.720
I think, Lily, I'm going to kind of pick on you for a minute. I

419
00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:34.840
know, and Lily's been with us in phase two, and I think she will

420
00:32:34.840 --> 00:32:37.520
even attest like in the very beginning, I remember when she

421
00:32:37.520 --> 00:32:43.120
came into phase two, we had really coached the ladies in

422
00:32:43.120 --> 00:32:49.440
that phase at that time, to see men as they're human, right?

423
00:32:49.960 --> 00:32:57.440
Like, they are people to giving men grace, and seeing them as

424
00:32:57.440 --> 00:33:01.400
valuable because believe it or not, I see women oftentimes

425
00:33:01.400 --> 00:33:07.040
coming in to this community. And we have, we've been wounded by

426
00:33:07.040 --> 00:33:14.000
men. Ladies, I've been wounded by men, okay. All my past, there

427
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:21.360
was a lot of past relationships. And, you know, I have, I have a

428
00:33:21.360 --> 00:33:25.680
son, whose dad left me seven months pregnant, y'all. You want

429
00:33:25.680 --> 00:33:30.320
to talk about some wounds? It didn't feel good. All right. And

430
00:33:30.320 --> 00:33:33.720
so it's easy for us to start taking these experiences from

431
00:33:33.720 --> 00:33:42.320
our past where we've been hurt. And we can start now forming

432
00:33:42.320 --> 00:33:47.560
these belief systems about men in general. And so we don't, we

433
00:33:47.560 --> 00:33:51.160
don't really want to do that. And so this program in this

434
00:33:51.160 --> 00:33:56.000
phase is going to start in implementing that heartwork

435
00:33:56.000 --> 00:33:58.720
piece, and we're going to start uncovering those roots. But

436
00:33:58.720 --> 00:34:06.960
again, it's really important that you ladies be willing to

437
00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:14.199
replace those lies with truth. Cool. All right. Lauren, I'm

438
00:34:14.199 --> 00:34:20.480
going to take your call or your question. And then I'm going to

439
00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:22.560
just go ahead and write down so I don't forget who has their

440
00:34:22.560 --> 00:34:26.719
questions. And that way, if we don't get to it, then I know who

441
00:34:26.719 --> 00:34:30.880
to make sure I get next time. All right, Lauren, what you got

442
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:31.480
for us?

443
00:34:32.520 --> 00:34:37.239
I don't even really know how much of a question it is. I guess

444
00:34:37.239 --> 00:34:41.280
it's kind of probably just what you were talking about. Like I

445
00:34:41.280 --> 00:34:46.560
was married before. Okay. Um, and I quote, did it all the

446
00:34:46.560 --> 00:34:54.080
right way. We were both pastors. And we waited to have sex until

447
00:34:54.080 --> 00:34:58.480
marriage. Did premarital counseling. Like if you look at

448
00:34:58.480 --> 00:34:59.920
it, it's like, I

449
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.560
did it all the right way.

450
00:35:03.640 --> 00:35:08.640
And a really big problem in our marriage was our sex life.

451
00:35:09.040 --> 00:35:10.240
Okay.

452
00:35:10.240 --> 00:35:12.600
And if I had to summarize it,

453
00:35:12.600 --> 00:35:14.200
I would say it kind of was like,

454
00:35:15.160 --> 00:35:16.440
we couldn't communicate about it.

455
00:35:16.440 --> 00:35:20.060
I mean, he went into like a shame spiral,

456
00:35:21.000 --> 00:35:23.640
almost like assuming like he should just know everything,

457
00:35:23.640 --> 00:35:26.720
even though he had never had sex before.

458
00:35:26.720 --> 00:35:28.160
Yeah.

459
00:35:28.160 --> 00:35:29.520
And I would kind of try and be like,

460
00:35:29.600 --> 00:35:30.840
well, let's talk about it.

461
00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:33.000
Like, you know, push it a little bit.

462
00:35:33.000 --> 00:35:34.700
Hindsight, I could have done a lot better

463
00:35:34.700 --> 00:35:35.600
with the conversation too.

464
00:35:35.600 --> 00:35:38.080
Like we just were like misfiring big time.

465
00:35:38.080 --> 00:35:39.320
Yeah.

466
00:35:39.320 --> 00:35:41.080
So coming out of that marriage,

467
00:35:41.080 --> 00:35:43.120
like for so long I've been like,

468
00:35:43.120 --> 00:35:45.000
I will never get married again

469
00:35:45.000 --> 00:35:47.440
without having sex with that person first.

470
00:35:47.440 --> 00:35:48.280
Okay.

471
00:35:48.280 --> 00:35:50.940
Because it has felt to me like,

472
00:35:51.940 --> 00:35:54.520
if we could have maybe like conquered that

473
00:35:54.520 --> 00:35:56.520
and like communicated through that,

474
00:35:57.440 --> 00:35:59.800
we maybe would still be together.

475
00:35:59.800 --> 00:36:01.720
Now, whether I really want that or not,

476
00:36:01.720 --> 00:36:03.280
looking back, I probably don't

477
00:36:03.280 --> 00:36:04.720
because there were so many other things,

478
00:36:04.720 --> 00:36:07.600
but I think it just makes me very

479
00:36:09.440 --> 00:36:11.320
anxious about like,

480
00:36:11.320 --> 00:36:13.280
like I was listening to The Boundaries,

481
00:36:14.360 --> 00:36:16.480
and The Boundaries video,

482
00:36:16.480 --> 00:36:17.540
and they were talking about how like,

483
00:36:17.540 --> 00:36:20.680
you should probably wait until you're in like premarital

484
00:36:21.760 --> 00:36:23.280
to talk about that.

485
00:36:23.280 --> 00:36:26.420
And that kind of stressed me out a little bit too,

486
00:36:27.280 --> 00:36:30.180
because I'm like, oh, I don't want to get that far

487
00:36:30.180 --> 00:36:33.840
and not have had these kinds of conversations, you know?

488
00:36:35.980 --> 00:36:37.820
So I don't even really know what my question is

489
00:36:37.820 --> 00:36:39.180
as much as it's just like,

490
00:36:39.180 --> 00:36:40.340
I'm definitely finding that

491
00:36:40.340 --> 00:36:42.440
that's like an anxiety point for me.

492
00:36:43.460 --> 00:36:44.940
And I'm working it out with the Lord,

493
00:36:44.940 --> 00:36:46.220
like as far as like,

494
00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:49.300
like what I'm going to do

495
00:36:49.300 --> 00:36:50.940
and how I want to like approach that.

496
00:36:50.940 --> 00:36:54.220
But I also am like, if I meet a healthy man,

497
00:36:54.220 --> 00:36:56.540
like I just want to be healthy,

498
00:36:56.540 --> 00:36:57.820
but it's hard because I'm like,

499
00:36:57.820 --> 00:37:01.180
I feel like I did that before and it really didn't work.

500
00:37:01.180 --> 00:37:02.020
Yeah.

501
00:37:02.020 --> 00:37:02.900
And it was kind of like a surprise

502
00:37:02.900 --> 00:37:04.480
because then you're in the marriage,

503
00:37:04.480 --> 00:37:06.180
you're doing these things for the first time,

504
00:37:06.180 --> 00:37:07.660
like I couldn't have known

505
00:37:09.220 --> 00:37:10.060
Yeah.

506
00:37:10.060 --> 00:37:12.100
how badly the communication was going to go

507
00:37:12.100 --> 00:37:13.580
and stuff like that, I don't know.

508
00:37:13.580 --> 00:37:15.300
Okay, so yeah, you know,

509
00:37:15.300 --> 00:37:16.820
you're bringing up these really good points

510
00:37:16.820 --> 00:37:19.460
and these are all like, I mean,

511
00:37:19.460 --> 00:37:22.240
yeah, everything that you're saying is good stuff here.

512
00:37:22.240 --> 00:37:24.000
Okay, and it's true and it's vulnerable,

513
00:37:24.800 --> 00:37:27.560
it's not true, I shouldn't say that, it's vulnerable.

514
00:37:27.560 --> 00:37:30.120
Okay, because there are some things that again,

515
00:37:30.120 --> 00:37:32.520
the enemy is kind of starting to want to,

516
00:37:32.520 --> 00:37:33.760
get you to start questioning

517
00:37:33.760 --> 00:37:36.400
and that's why you're starting to feel some of this anxiety

518
00:37:36.400 --> 00:37:37.560
and there's this confusion

519
00:37:37.560 --> 00:37:39.640
and this push pull stuff, right?

520
00:37:39.640 --> 00:37:40.480
Yeah.

521
00:37:40.480 --> 00:37:41.680
Okay, and so,

522
00:37:44.320 --> 00:37:46.000
let me ask,

523
00:37:49.120 --> 00:37:51.100
in your relationship where you said

524
00:37:51.100 --> 00:37:53.520
that you did everything the right way,

525
00:37:54.520 --> 00:37:59.200
did you all ever have anything in your relationship

526
00:37:59.200 --> 00:38:03.000
prior to marriage that there was a struggle with

527
00:38:03.000 --> 00:38:07.480
that communication was necessary?

528
00:38:07.480 --> 00:38:10.380
And how did you all handle that?

529
00:38:10.380 --> 00:38:11.880
Yeah, we were not good at it.

530
00:38:11.880 --> 00:38:14.240
I didn't hear you, what did you say?

531
00:38:14.240 --> 00:38:16.120
We were not good at it.

532
00:38:16.120 --> 00:38:18.440
Okay, so do you see how,

533
00:38:18.440 --> 00:38:21.880
it's not necessarily the fact that you,

534
00:38:22.880 --> 00:38:25.840
oh, well, we did this not having sex thing

535
00:38:25.840 --> 00:38:27.400
and then when we got in marriage

536
00:38:27.400 --> 00:38:30.400
and then the sex wasn't like, we couldn't communicate,

537
00:38:30.400 --> 00:38:32.280
it had nothing to do with the sex piece,

538
00:38:32.280 --> 00:38:34.960
it had everything to do with the communication piece.

539
00:38:36.360 --> 00:38:41.160
Okay, so let's really like, let's pull that out.

540
00:38:42.760 --> 00:38:43.920
So if you're like,

541
00:38:43.920 --> 00:38:48.920
because what does God say about marriage and sex?

542
00:38:52.880 --> 00:38:53.720
Right?

543
00:38:53.720 --> 00:38:54.560
Yeah.

544
00:38:54.560 --> 00:38:56.200
I know, and ladies,

545
00:38:58.000 --> 00:38:59.960
hear me when I say, okay,

546
00:38:59.960 --> 00:39:03.080
I don't, when I wanna make sure that we emphasize here,

547
00:39:03.080 --> 00:39:05.680
there is no guilt and shame here, okay?

548
00:39:05.680 --> 00:39:07.880
And I'm gonna get vulnerable with you ladies.

549
00:39:09.280 --> 00:39:12.080
I had sex before marriage,

550
00:39:14.480 --> 00:39:17.360
a lot, I was very promiscuous, okay?

551
00:39:17.400 --> 00:39:21.120
I got pregnant with a man that I was not married to.

552
00:39:23.480 --> 00:39:24.320
All right?

553
00:39:24.320 --> 00:39:29.320
So when God brought me to this program

554
00:39:29.720 --> 00:39:32.920
and even in that, like when his dad left me,

555
00:39:32.920 --> 00:39:34.200
God convicted my heart

556
00:39:34.200 --> 00:39:36.280
and I really started pressing into this.

557
00:39:37.760 --> 00:39:40.760
It wasn't God's design, all right?

558
00:39:40.760 --> 00:39:42.680
But I also had to own my own life.

559
00:39:42.680 --> 00:39:44.440
I had to own my own life.

560
00:39:44.960 --> 00:39:45.800
All right?

561
00:39:45.800 --> 00:39:47.400
But I also had to own my part in it,

562
00:39:47.400 --> 00:39:50.960
but it didn't have to come from a place of shame and guilt.

563
00:39:50.960 --> 00:39:54.960
You know, and this program and the heart work helped me

564
00:39:54.960 --> 00:39:58.400
and many years of counseling helped me

565
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.000
Get to the root of

566
00:40:02.600 --> 00:40:09.080
What I was seeking in those relationships were were you know, I I put sex there

567
00:40:10.040 --> 00:40:12.840
Okay, and there was a lot of things that I had to uncover

568
00:40:13.400 --> 00:40:14.040
All right

569
00:40:14.040 --> 00:40:19.800
I actually just shared this not too long ago with someone that I was on a one-on-one coaching call with and

570
00:40:20.320 --> 00:40:22.320
it was rooted in

571
00:40:23.120 --> 00:40:28.000
Something that happened to me when I was a teenager and something that my dad told me

572
00:40:28.520 --> 00:40:35.880
You know, he bought me flowers y'all this is cringy my dad bought me flowers when I had my period for the first time

573
00:40:37.120 --> 00:40:39.120
like and

574
00:40:39.400 --> 00:40:45.340
The gesture was my dad just being a loving caring father. I was his only daughter

575
00:40:45.340 --> 00:40:51.800
He definitely probably was like, I don't know what I'm doing. Right? He's male like he didn't know how to raise a daughter

576
00:40:51.800 --> 00:40:53.200
He never done it before

577
00:40:53.200 --> 00:40:55.360
And he wasn't a female so he didn't get it

578
00:40:55.960 --> 00:41:01.140
So he bought me these flowers, but he said something to me he said I'm the only man that's ever gonna buy you flowers

579
00:41:01.140 --> 00:41:03.140
It's not gonna want something

580
00:41:05.360 --> 00:41:07.360
Ladies I

581
00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:11.360
Didn't understand at the time when my dad said that

582
00:41:12.800 --> 00:41:16.680
but those words stuck with me over the years and

583
00:41:17.560 --> 00:41:20.920
it was those words that the enemy started twisting and

584
00:41:21.640 --> 00:41:28.080
Making me believe these lies and it wasn't because my dad was a terrible father and that he was like

585
00:41:28.080 --> 00:41:32.040
Oh, how dare a dad say that to his daughter y'all God show me that

586
00:41:32.720 --> 00:41:34.720
To have grace for my dad

587
00:41:34.960 --> 00:41:38.640
My dad was like he loved me so much. He was trying to protect me

588
00:41:39.720 --> 00:41:45.680
Like he wanted he wanted to make sure that no man was gonna try to take advantage of his baby girl. I

589
00:41:46.680 --> 00:41:50.720
Could also understand now as a parent why like, you know

590
00:41:50.720 --> 00:41:56.020
We don't want our kids to have to walk through that stuff, right? And so

591
00:41:58.600 --> 00:42:06.240
So, okay Lily my dad said he was the only man that was gonna buy me flowers that wasn't gonna want something from me and

592
00:42:07.360 --> 00:42:10.160
so that happened when I was 14 years old and

593
00:42:10.840 --> 00:42:14.160
Then I didn't have sex throughout high school

594
00:42:15.680 --> 00:42:17.840
but then when I entered college, I

595
00:42:19.080 --> 00:42:21.320
Started aligning with this belief system. I

596
00:42:22.480 --> 00:42:28.760
Wasn't liked I wasn't pretty enough. No boys liked me. I didn't even get asked to my senior prom

597
00:42:28.760 --> 00:42:31.120
I didn't even go to my senior prom in high school. And

598
00:42:32.120 --> 00:42:38.960
So then when I go to college and there's lots more people and like no parental like supervision now, right? I

599
00:42:39.600 --> 00:42:41.600
started aligning with this belief that

600
00:42:41.840 --> 00:42:45.040
Guys weren't guys will only like me if I had sex with them

601
00:42:47.600 --> 00:42:54.160
Okay, so all of this to say to kind of go back to like I had to start going like I had to go like

602
00:42:54.160 --> 00:42:57.520
I didn't have I don't want to you don't want to give shame to this like having sex

603
00:42:57.520 --> 00:43:00.800
So again, Lauren's saying, you know, she did it the right way

604
00:43:01.440 --> 00:43:04.960
and so now she's wanting to start partnering with this lie that

605
00:43:05.680 --> 00:43:09.120
She needs to have sex with someone so that she doesn't fall in the same trap

606
00:43:09.120 --> 00:43:11.120
Or the same situation or circumstance

607
00:43:12.240 --> 00:43:14.240
in her next marriage

608
00:43:15.320 --> 00:43:22.160
but is it the fact that the sex part was the issue or was it the

609
00:43:23.200 --> 00:43:24.480
communication

610
00:43:24.480 --> 00:43:30.880
That was the issue and were there opportunities for you all before you got married to kind of recognize

611
00:43:31.440 --> 00:43:33.840
Where the communication needed some work

612
00:43:34.160 --> 00:43:36.400
Where the communication needed some work

613
00:43:37.040 --> 00:43:39.780
So again, this is where healthy pacing is important

614
00:43:40.480 --> 00:43:45.120
So Lauren, I will encourage you that as you're out there dating

615
00:43:45.760 --> 00:43:47.420
to really be

616
00:43:47.420 --> 00:43:50.180
Focused and be paying attention to communication

617
00:43:52.160 --> 00:43:57.380
How well you communicate what you can do differently this time around in your communication

618
00:43:58.400 --> 00:44:01.840
And what types of questions can you be asking someone?

619
00:44:02.480 --> 00:44:04.320
In the right time

620
00:44:04.320 --> 00:44:07.520
So this is again why we always talk about pacing as well

621
00:44:08.240 --> 00:44:14.000
I also want to caution you don't start aligning with this belief that there's no men out there that are going to wait for marriage

622
00:44:14.480 --> 00:44:16.480
Now that we're older

623
00:44:17.120 --> 00:44:18.240
Okay

624
00:44:18.240 --> 00:44:23.200
I know this is definitely probably something i'm sure i'm probably stirring so much stuff up

625
00:44:23.840 --> 00:44:25.840
So many ladies right now

626
00:44:25.920 --> 00:44:28.000
And I say it because I was there too

627
00:44:28.560 --> 00:44:30.560
That was a struggle for me

628
00:44:32.480 --> 00:44:34.480
You know

629
00:44:34.560 --> 00:44:38.020
Did I touch on some of the did I give you any clarification

630
00:44:38.880 --> 00:44:43.440
Like or is there any question now that is surfacing now that we've kind of unpacked some of this?

631
00:44:47.360 --> 00:44:53.280
I don't think so. I think I think probably as I date a little bit more now that i've been through some of the program

632
00:44:53.840 --> 00:44:55.840
I might need clarity on like

633
00:44:56.560 --> 00:44:59.680
Kind of when to have those conversations as far as you know

634
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.640
Yeah so that's so she's bringing up a good question here ladies and I'm

635
00:45:03.640 --> 00:45:07.200
hoping this is touching on questions that maybe are stirring up in any of you

636
00:45:07.200 --> 00:45:12.960
ladies that are on the call or watching and replay. Proper pacing and questions

637
00:45:12.960 --> 00:45:18.200
and so we talk about levels of relationships so those of you have that

638
00:45:18.200 --> 00:45:22.440
who haven't watched Dating 101 you're gonna find that content there so make

639
00:45:22.440 --> 00:45:25.920
sure that you go and watch that. If you've watched that and you need a

640
00:45:25.920 --> 00:45:30.120
refresher go back and re-watch it. Okay so there's gonna be that level two is

641
00:45:30.120 --> 00:45:33.640
that getting to know you stage where you're having an in-person date or at

642
00:45:33.640 --> 00:45:38.800
least a video date. Okay and those first few exchanges I would say two three

643
00:45:38.800 --> 00:45:45.200
four dates in you want things just to be very light airy you're getting to know

644
00:45:45.200 --> 00:45:49.640
someone like what do you think what do they enjoy what do you like to do are

645
00:45:49.640 --> 00:45:54.720
they fun to be around do you have some things in common it's not gonna be that

646
00:45:54.720 --> 00:46:00.880
deep dive conversation stuff. Okay then after you've probably been on at least

647
00:46:00.880 --> 00:46:04.320
three or four dates with that person and you're still thinking you know I really

648
00:46:04.320 --> 00:46:07.640
like this person I really enjoy being around them I want to continue to keep

649
00:46:07.640 --> 00:46:11.000
seeing them that's when you're going to eventually get to a point where you can

650
00:46:11.000 --> 00:46:17.280
start uncovering some more deeper questions. Okay and then the same thing

651
00:46:17.280 --> 00:46:21.880
like once you get into an exclusive conversation that a man is going to lead

652
00:46:22.040 --> 00:46:28.600
you to okay we want the men to lead that exclusive level three relationship then

653
00:46:28.600 --> 00:46:32.720
that's when you are gonna have to ask some of these questions it's going to be

654
00:46:32.720 --> 00:46:39.560
important for you to know those things. And so we can help you when you get to

655
00:46:39.560 --> 00:46:45.700
that pace and and here's the thing I we I can tell you I we touch on this often

656
00:46:45.700 --> 00:46:51.320
I'm always getting questions about this and so you know go in the app look at

657
00:46:51.320 --> 00:46:55.640
other people's situation how we're responding to them you come in ask the

658
00:46:55.640 --> 00:47:02.680
questions and and we'll be able to give you wisdom and insight on that. Okay all

659
00:47:02.680 --> 00:47:11.080
right Lulu I got you up next. Hi um hi Carla so I've been talking to two guys

660
00:47:11.080 --> 00:47:17.600
recently they they both are live like three hours away and they show their

661
00:47:17.600 --> 00:47:23.600
grounded Christian they both showed interest at some level so I want to know

662
00:47:23.600 --> 00:47:31.000
that I'm attracted to the guy that show less like move slower. Okay. So how do I

663
00:47:31.000 --> 00:47:36.840
so the one move faster I actually went on two days with him he's pretty nice but

664
00:47:36.840 --> 00:47:44.960
a little boring but but the second guy second guy is actually from our program

665
00:47:44.960 --> 00:47:52.400
and we managed to meet at a conference so and we we chat on video and we we I

666
00:47:52.400 --> 00:47:57.120
and he showed he shows our interest and we had a connection and we both um

667
00:47:57.120 --> 00:48:02.440
working on something together so I feel I'm more interested in him but he he's

668
00:48:02.440 --> 00:48:07.960
moving slower and we we haven't went on date because he also live far we just

669
00:48:07.960 --> 00:48:14.240
meet at a conference that's all so okay yeah. So you okay so what I'm hearing is

670
00:48:14.240 --> 00:48:18.600
you know there's a guy that you really like and he's not the one that's like

671
00:48:18.600 --> 00:48:23.720
he's not moving he's not matching that like okay I want to get to know him like

672
00:48:23.720 --> 00:48:29.920
he's he's not matching that energy like okay like he's not showing as much

673
00:48:29.920 --> 00:48:38.600
interest so what is surfacing like what are what's if you could what anxious

674
00:48:38.600 --> 00:48:45.840
thought or fear is coming up with him not showing interest in you in the way

675
00:48:45.840 --> 00:48:51.520
that you were hoping is there anything that you're you're thinking or anxious

676
00:48:51.520 --> 00:48:56.720
about or not sure of like what's what's one statement that you could say this is

677
00:48:56.720 --> 00:49:02.320
this is what you're thinking. So he would he would text me I really enjoy getting

678
00:49:02.320 --> 00:49:06.880
to know you and I had a I I had a great time talking to you here is my number

679
00:49:06.880 --> 00:49:11.880
but then he doesn't do anything and maybe like he would wait for five days

680
00:49:11.880 --> 00:49:20.560
but and then text me like out of sudden like so yeah. Okay so he's given you his

681
00:49:20.560 --> 00:49:23.160
number so he's showing like hey it's been good getting to know here's my

682
00:49:23.160 --> 00:49:26.320
number but he's not doing anything so what are you what is your thought behind

683
00:49:26.320 --> 00:49:32.040
that what what is there a fear or an anxious thought that's coming up? Maybe

684
00:49:32.040 --> 00:49:37.200
he's seeing someone at the same time or he's talking to other people. So you're

685
00:49:37.200 --> 00:49:41.560
afraid that you're not sure how he feels about you. Right. And that's giving you

686
00:49:41.560 --> 00:49:52.200
anxiety why? I took the test I'm anxious attached like. I was too. I was too. So

687
00:49:52.200 --> 00:49:57.000
again let's get to what's the root like what are we believing if a guy is not

688
00:49:57.000 --> 00:50:00.760
showing us interest?

689
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.740
in a way that we are hoping that he shows us off the bat?

690
00:50:07.420 --> 00:50:09.640
I guess I'm comparing him with the other guy.

691
00:50:09.640 --> 00:50:11.340
He's more faster.

692
00:50:11.340 --> 00:50:12.440
He's- Okay.

693
00:50:12.440 --> 00:50:13.280
Yeah.

694
00:50:13.280 --> 00:50:15.220
So, okay.

695
00:50:15.220 --> 00:50:18.780
So is it possible that

696
00:50:21.180 --> 00:50:23.720
even though he's not showing as much interest

697
00:50:23.720 --> 00:50:24.600
as the other guy,

698
00:50:24.600 --> 00:50:27.880
is it possible that he could still be interested in you?

699
00:50:27.880 --> 00:50:29.120
I think so.

700
00:50:29.120 --> 00:50:30.520
Yeah.

701
00:50:30.520 --> 00:50:32.200
Right?

702
00:50:32.200 --> 00:50:34.240
I can feel it, but it's just...

703
00:50:35.560 --> 00:50:36.840
And at the conference,

704
00:50:36.840 --> 00:50:40.680
we even, we have to write down the list

705
00:50:40.680 --> 00:50:43.600
that negotiable and non-negotiable.

706
00:50:43.600 --> 00:50:47.120
And he even asked, oh, why is the...

707
00:50:47.120 --> 00:50:49.320
He even asked me some content.

708
00:50:49.320 --> 00:50:53.120
So I guess he is interested in some level.

709
00:50:54.640 --> 00:50:58.480
Just, I would encourage you just get to know him.

710
00:50:58.480 --> 00:50:59.320
Okay?

711
00:50:59.320 --> 00:51:01.160
Let's just, again,

712
00:51:01.160 --> 00:51:03.480
if you're starting to feel anxiousness

713
00:51:03.480 --> 00:51:05.560
because he's not giving you attention,

714
00:51:05.560 --> 00:51:07.280
let's really just remind ourselves,

715
00:51:07.280 --> 00:51:09.760
look, I'm just now getting to know him.

716
00:51:09.760 --> 00:51:13.200
I'm in the level to get to know you phase.

717
00:51:13.200 --> 00:51:15.520
It doesn't mean that he's not interested.

718
00:51:15.520 --> 00:51:17.040
Again, just practice.

719
00:51:17.040 --> 00:51:21.800
Okay, what can you do to get to know him better?

720
00:51:21.800 --> 00:51:24.720
So if he gave you his number,

721
00:51:24.720 --> 00:51:26.840
are you, did you drop a hanky and say,

722
00:51:26.840 --> 00:51:28.760
hey, why don't we do a video call?

723
00:51:29.880 --> 00:51:31.920
Yeah, we actually had like three or four.

724
00:51:31.920 --> 00:51:33.000
Okay.

725
00:51:33.000 --> 00:51:34.240
Video call.

726
00:51:34.240 --> 00:51:35.640
All right, say, hey, like,

727
00:51:36.600 --> 00:51:37.560
what are your thoughts about us

728
00:51:37.560 --> 00:51:39.080
maybe trying to get together again?

729
00:51:39.080 --> 00:51:40.360
Like meeting in person.

730
00:51:40.360 --> 00:51:41.760
Have you dropped that hanky?

731
00:51:42.720 --> 00:51:44.000
Yes, we're gonna meet,

732
00:51:44.000 --> 00:51:47.240
but the thing is the video call was more about,

733
00:51:48.520 --> 00:51:52.080
we both artists, so we're sharing some works.

734
00:51:52.080 --> 00:51:53.560
Okay.

735
00:51:53.560 --> 00:51:55.960
So it's not really like a...

736
00:51:55.960 --> 00:51:57.640
You're still in that get to know you phase

737
00:51:57.640 --> 00:52:00.080
where again, you're seeing like if you're interested

738
00:52:00.080 --> 00:52:02.560
and you're getting to know each other and seeing.

739
00:52:02.560 --> 00:52:04.880
So again, I would just encourage you

740
00:52:04.880 --> 00:52:06.200
continue to get to know the other guy

741
00:52:06.200 --> 00:52:09.480
that might be moving things a little bit faster

742
00:52:09.480 --> 00:52:13.040
and then still continue to get to know this guy.

743
00:52:13.040 --> 00:52:17.040
And then, yeah, don't be afraid to drop hankies,

744
00:52:17.040 --> 00:52:19.440
meet in person, that kind of thing.

745
00:52:19.440 --> 00:52:21.720
What's important ladies is to remember,

746
00:52:21.720 --> 00:52:24.640
you just wanna match the same intentionality

747
00:52:24.640 --> 00:52:26.920
and pacing of guys as well.

748
00:52:26.920 --> 00:52:29.400
There's reciprocation, okay?

749
00:52:31.160 --> 00:52:33.320
We don't have to align with,

750
00:52:33.320 --> 00:52:34.640
oh, there's no one out there

751
00:52:34.640 --> 00:52:36.200
that's not gonna be interested in me,

752
00:52:36.200 --> 00:52:37.600
all that kind of stuff.

753
00:52:37.600 --> 00:52:40.800
So that's what I would even start to uncover as well

754
00:52:40.800 --> 00:52:44.720
is again, what anxious thoughts or beliefs

755
00:52:44.720 --> 00:52:47.480
are we aligning with and are they true?

756
00:52:47.480 --> 00:52:50.560
And is God using that to uncover

757
00:52:50.560 --> 00:52:53.600
and prepare us on something deeper?

758
00:52:55.320 --> 00:53:00.320
Okay, so just again, thank you so much for being vulnerable

759
00:53:00.680 --> 00:53:02.280
and letting us know.

760
00:53:02.280 --> 00:53:05.520
Keep us posted with how that's going, okay?

761
00:53:05.520 --> 00:53:07.160
I'm gonna be interested to know

762
00:53:07.160 --> 00:53:10.520
if this guy's gonna start initiating

763
00:53:10.520 --> 00:53:13.400
some interaction with you, okay?

764
00:53:13.400 --> 00:53:16.360
But at the same time, still enjoy the other guy

765
00:53:16.360 --> 00:53:19.200
that is showing intentionality with you as well.

766
00:53:19.200 --> 00:53:21.960
Also, be open to meeting some guys in your area.

767
00:53:21.960 --> 00:53:26.440
Are you on any like dating sites or anything like that?

768
00:53:26.440 --> 00:53:27.840
You mean dating apps?

769
00:53:27.840 --> 00:53:29.280
Yeah. Yes.

770
00:53:29.280 --> 00:53:31.520
Okay, yeah, keep having fun with it.

771
00:53:31.520 --> 00:53:33.480
Ladies, this is like the fun stage

772
00:53:33.480 --> 00:53:37.120
because I hear Ebony coach ladies on this all the time,

773
00:53:37.120 --> 00:53:40.520
like ladies, enjoy this dating now

774
00:53:40.520 --> 00:53:42.400
because when you're married,

775
00:53:42.400 --> 00:53:45.560
like you're dating your husband, that's it.

776
00:53:45.560 --> 00:53:49.520
Like, and that's good, like I'm not saying that,

777
00:53:49.520 --> 00:53:54.400
but you're never gonna go through this dating season again

778
00:53:54.400 --> 00:53:56.840
when you meet your spirit mate, okay?

779
00:53:56.840 --> 00:54:00.600
So have fun getting to know new people, you know,

780
00:54:01.480 --> 00:54:05.400
and just enjoy that process as best as you can, okay?

781
00:54:05.400 --> 00:54:06.480
Thank you.

782
00:54:06.480 --> 00:54:07.960
You're welcome.

783
00:54:07.960 --> 00:54:10.280
All right, Lily, what's your question?

784
00:54:13.320 --> 00:54:17.080
Okay, well, I'm kind of annoyed.

785
00:54:18.080 --> 00:54:19.760
Can you do me a favor

786
00:54:19.760 --> 00:54:22.040
and try to keep it short, brief and powerful?

787
00:54:22.040 --> 00:54:24.120
And I know I got five other ladies on,

788
00:54:24.120 --> 00:54:25.640
so those five ladies,

789
00:54:25.640 --> 00:54:28.280
will y'all type your question in the chat?

790
00:54:29.120 --> 00:54:32.400
So Colette, Caitlin, I think there's maybe four ladies.

791
00:54:32.400 --> 00:54:35.800
Colette, Caitlin, Stacey and Louisa,

792
00:54:35.800 --> 00:54:38.600
go ahead and type your questions in the chat for me.

793
00:54:38.600 --> 00:54:42.880
And Anya, Anya, it's so good to see, Anya, Anya.

794
00:54:42.880 --> 00:54:45.200
I almost messed up your name, I'm so sorry.

795
00:54:45.200 --> 00:54:47.280
Type your questions in the chat

796
00:54:47.280 --> 00:54:49.600
while Lily is giving us her question,

797
00:54:49.600 --> 00:54:50.880
cause I do wanna do my best,

798
00:54:50.880 --> 00:54:54.720
cause we got about 20 minutes and I wanna hit these, okay?

799
00:54:54.720 --> 00:54:55.920
All right, Lily, what you got?

800
00:54:55.920 --> 00:54:57.920
Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off.

801
00:54:57.920 --> 00:54:59.440
So you're annoyed.

802
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:11.840
Yeah, um, I'm trying to figure out the best way to go about someone.

803
00:55:12.400 --> 00:55:17.680
So a guy who I messaged, so I sent, I was the last one that sent

804
00:55:17.680 --> 00:55:19.760
a message that was weeks ago.

805
00:55:19.760 --> 00:55:20.960
He never replied.

806
00:55:21.320 --> 00:55:26.080
Now we're in the same Facebook group and this Facebook group is very active

807
00:55:26.080 --> 00:55:31.280
and they actually meet online and they meet, um, in person.

808
00:55:31.280 --> 00:55:36.560
And I'm just thinking I might see him at some point soon.

809
00:55:36.560 --> 00:55:43.760
And I, I just think that that behavior of not responding to someone is so worldly

810
00:55:44.720 --> 00:55:50.720
and for someone who's, and maybe it's judgment, whatever, but I just think that.

811
00:55:50.720 --> 00:55:56.560
So I'm trying to reframe, you know, refocus my brain to think, I don't know,

812
00:55:56.560 --> 00:55:58.320
how do you act towards someone who.

813
00:55:59.520 --> 00:55:59.760
Okay.

814
00:55:59.760 --> 00:56:01.120
So you've had some, okay.

815
00:56:01.120 --> 00:56:02.080
I'm trying to follow here.

816
00:56:02.080 --> 00:56:05.920
So you, you've engaged with somebody you've been chatting and then

817
00:56:05.920 --> 00:56:07.440
he's just stopped responding to you.

818
00:56:08.320 --> 00:56:10.800
Um, just no, there's just no chatting.

819
00:56:10.800 --> 00:56:12.480
There's like no communication.

820
00:56:12.480 --> 00:56:14.160
I sent over that's work.

821
00:56:14.160 --> 00:56:14.480
Sorry.

822
00:56:15.040 --> 00:56:19.120
I sent over the last message and he never replied.

823
00:56:19.840 --> 00:56:22.480
How long were you guys chatting back and forth prior?

824
00:56:24.320 --> 00:56:25.120
We had met.

825
00:56:25.120 --> 00:56:31.920
I mean, at that point, like at that point, I knew that there was no interest.

826
00:56:32.480 --> 00:56:32.720
Okay.

827
00:56:33.760 --> 00:56:37.360
So what I'm saying is like, how do I now act?

828
00:56:39.120 --> 00:56:41.920
You know, how do you want to act?

829
00:56:43.920 --> 00:56:45.840
I don't, I just want to ignore him.

830
00:56:46.560 --> 00:56:47.600
I don't want to say hi.

831
00:56:50.000 --> 00:56:50.320
Okay.

832
00:56:50.320 --> 00:56:51.520
So why do you want to ignore him?

833
00:56:51.520 --> 00:56:54.800
What, what, like what's being stirred up in your spirit with that?

834
00:56:56.800 --> 00:57:00.480
It's just, um, I think it's judgment.

835
00:57:00.480 --> 00:57:03.360
It's like, how do you call yourself Christian?

836
00:57:03.360 --> 00:57:04.800
And you act like the world.

837
00:57:06.320 --> 00:57:06.560
Okay.

838
00:57:07.440 --> 00:57:08.560
Cause the world does that.

839
00:57:08.560 --> 00:57:09.280
They ghost you.

840
00:57:10.320 --> 00:57:10.720
Okay.

841
00:57:10.720 --> 00:57:12.080
So you don't like being ghosted.

842
00:57:12.080 --> 00:57:13.200
You feel ghosted.

843
00:57:13.200 --> 00:57:13.600
Right.

844
00:57:13.600 --> 00:57:14.560
And so now you're annoyed.

845
00:57:15.120 --> 00:57:16.240
It's more ignored.

846
00:57:16.560 --> 00:57:20.400
Why can't you be professional at your 46 years of age and just say,

847
00:57:21.840 --> 00:57:23.200
you know, acknowledge.

848
00:57:23.200 --> 00:57:25.520
I wasn't looking for like any more communication.

849
00:57:25.520 --> 00:57:27.200
It was just like acknowledgement.

850
00:57:27.760 --> 00:57:28.080
Okay.

851
00:57:29.760 --> 00:57:31.040
Yeah, absolutely.

852
00:57:32.160 --> 00:57:33.280
Can I challenge you a bit?

853
00:57:33.280 --> 00:57:34.640
Do I have permission to challenge you?

854
00:57:35.280 --> 00:57:35.520
Yeah.

855
00:57:36.080 --> 00:57:36.400
Okay.

856
00:57:37.360 --> 00:57:38.560
I get where you're coming from.

857
00:57:38.560 --> 00:57:39.040
Okay.

858
00:57:39.040 --> 00:57:43.120
And, and, and quite frankly, like I, we live in this world.

859
00:57:43.120 --> 00:57:44.880
We're not out of this world, but we're going to live in this world.

860
00:57:44.880 --> 00:57:48.240
So ladies, we're going to experience these kinds of people all the time.

861
00:57:48.240 --> 00:57:54.400
Y'all I'm literally in the brink of it with a mom on my older son's baseball team.

862
00:57:55.440 --> 00:57:57.520
Like I'm really struggling with this.

863
00:57:58.160 --> 00:58:03.360
However, it means that I get the opportunity to decide how I am going to show up.

864
00:58:04.880 --> 00:58:09.680
Other people live in this world, but how I show up is my responsibility.

865
00:58:09.680 --> 00:58:11.600
So Lily, I'm going to challenge you.

866
00:58:11.600 --> 00:58:14.560
How do you want to show up without like,

867
00:58:14.560 --> 00:58:17.600
again, we can't control how other people showed up.

868
00:58:18.320 --> 00:58:18.880
Yeah.

869
00:58:18.880 --> 00:58:20.720
We're being offended by somebody.

870
00:58:20.720 --> 00:58:24.160
It actually, ladies, you'll hear Jackie say this all the time.

871
00:58:25.920 --> 00:58:30.160
If you have a fence, it's not a them issue.

872
00:58:30.160 --> 00:58:33.120
It's a heart issue on in the inside of you.

873
00:58:34.800 --> 00:58:36.320
So that's what I'm going to challenge you with.

874
00:58:36.320 --> 00:58:39.920
So late Lily, you have this guy, like, again, it sucks.

875
00:58:39.920 --> 00:58:40.960
It sucks being ghosted.

876
00:58:40.960 --> 00:58:41.760
It's not honorable.

877
00:58:41.760 --> 00:58:42.400
You're right.

878
00:58:43.200 --> 00:58:46.000
Be willing to have communication, but guess what?

879
00:58:46.000 --> 00:58:47.920
Not everybody's going to do that.

880
00:58:47.920 --> 00:58:50.000
Even I fall short on that sometimes.

881
00:58:52.800 --> 00:58:55.360
He may not even be aware that he did that.

882
00:58:55.360 --> 00:58:56.160
I can't tell you.

883
00:58:56.160 --> 00:59:03.680
There was even a time I ghosted someone and was completely blinded that I ghosted somebody

884
00:59:03.680 --> 00:59:07.360
because I started a new job as a teacher and I got so overwhelmed.

885
00:59:07.360 --> 00:59:08.400
He reached out to me.

886
00:59:08.400 --> 00:59:09.520
I looked at the message.

887
00:59:10.400 --> 00:59:14.160
Two or three weeks later, I realized I never responded to him.

888
00:59:14.960 --> 00:59:15.520
Yeah.

889
00:59:15.520 --> 00:59:16.960
I was like, oh my goodness.

890
00:59:16.960 --> 00:59:21.040
And at that point, it was done.

891
00:59:21.920 --> 00:59:23.680
His sister was friends with me on Facebook.

892
00:59:23.680 --> 00:59:25.600
And when I looked, she had unfriended me on Facebook.

893
00:59:25.600 --> 00:59:27.360
So clearly there was a fence there.

894
00:59:28.480 --> 00:59:30.800
But how I decided to show up is important.

895
00:59:30.800 --> 00:59:35.760
So again, for how he's decided to show up, how did he carry that?

896
00:59:35.840 --> 00:59:40.080
So again, how do you want to show up and how do you want to carry it?

897
00:59:40.080 --> 00:59:44.480
So if you have an offense inside you, what's being pulled out of you?

898
00:59:45.760 --> 00:59:48.880
Well, no, I didn't realize until now that it was an offense.

899
00:59:48.880 --> 00:59:49.120
Yeah.

900
00:59:49.120 --> 00:59:51.040
I'll just forgive him and move on.

901
00:59:51.040 --> 00:59:52.160
It's not worth it.

902
00:59:52.160 --> 00:59:53.600
I'm not going to help anyone.

903
00:59:54.240 --> 00:59:54.720
Yeah.

904
00:59:54.720 --> 00:59:55.920
So it's like, okay, cool.

905
00:59:55.920 --> 00:59:56.720
I might see you.

906
00:59:56.720 --> 00:59:57.760
Hey, what's up?

907
00:59:57.760 --> 00:59:58.400
How's it going?

908
00:59:58.400 --> 00:59:58.960
Okay.

909
00:59:58.960 --> 00:59:59.600
No big deal.

910
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.800
Yeah, so yeah, I just challenge you with that ladies and and I love that Lily can't like Lily is great

911
01:00:05.800 --> 01:00:09.040
She owe it. She she's always willing to share us

912
01:00:09.040 --> 01:00:15.520
You know what's going on in a world and she will humble herself and and and learn and grow like Lily

913
01:00:15.520 --> 01:00:19.480
I I still again. I I'm an amazement of how much you've grown and

914
01:00:20.240 --> 01:00:26.240
Your willingness to do that. So ladies this this phase is going to grow you

915
01:00:27.200 --> 01:00:29.200
It's going to surface things

916
01:00:30.720 --> 01:00:32.720
That God wants to heal

917
01:00:34.280 --> 01:00:41.400
Okay, so just keep that in mind Lily, um before I take another question, have you watched all the content

918
01:00:42.720 --> 01:00:46.240
Yeah, okay. I'm gonna encourage you. Let's get you to phase three

919
01:00:47.760 --> 01:00:53.120
You're ready, I don't think I am you are ready girl. Let me tell you you're ready

920
01:00:53.120 --> 01:00:57.740
There's so much good stuff and there's so much other teaching over in phase three

921
01:00:57.900 --> 01:01:00.900
That I really think you're gonna enjoy and benefit from

922
01:01:02.860 --> 01:01:04.500
Yeah, I

923
01:01:04.500 --> 01:01:07.700
Know you don't sound confident in yourself pray about it

924
01:01:07.700 --> 01:01:14.380
Okay, and I really I am gonna encourage you to do that. Just email admin at Jackie Dorman calm say hey

925
01:01:14.660 --> 01:01:21.140
I've been in phase two for X amount of weeks. I've watched the content. I don't know if I'm ready, but I

926
01:01:22.140 --> 01:01:27.980
You know, can can I get into phase three just just think about it praying on prayer pray about it for a week or a

927
01:01:27.980 --> 01:01:32.340
Day or two. Okay. Okay. All right. Thank you so much for showing up, Lily

928
01:01:33.020 --> 01:01:35.020
All right

929
01:01:35.540 --> 01:01:40.980
Let's see, I've got Caitlin Stacy Louisa and and yeah

930
01:01:40.980 --> 01:01:46.780
I'm gonna go ahead and read through the questions because I hope that you ladies put this up and then if I need more information

931
01:01:47.100 --> 01:01:49.100
I can

932
01:01:50.100 --> 01:01:52.460
Can pull that from you so Leslie

933
01:01:53.140 --> 01:01:58.500
It can be so hard to break out of anxious to cure. Okay. Yes, it's frustrating and don't Leslie

934
01:01:58.500 --> 01:02:02.940
don't don't stress so much about that believe it or not like I

935
01:02:03.980 --> 01:02:09.620
sometimes will show up in my anxious and I'm married y'all like it's it's and sometimes when you

936
01:02:11.460 --> 01:02:15.900
You will I've learned that because I'm in a healthy relationship

937
01:02:16.620 --> 01:02:18.420
That

938
01:02:18.420 --> 01:02:24.460
Anxiousness kind of falls off over time. Okay, so just keep that in mind. Okay. Yes

939
01:02:24.460 --> 01:02:29.340
And yes, you just popped in to share what you'd asked me and how you knit navigated the end of that dating situation

940
01:02:29.340 --> 01:02:36.620
So yes, I do want to get to that Stacy your question. Oh, what's going on here? Things are jumping around in the chat

941
01:02:39.860 --> 01:02:44.300
Essentially I threw out an invitation is to see a show to

942
01:02:45.020 --> 01:02:51.460
The singles group that I led at church ended up going with one guy that I really like I'll see him tonight at the group

943
01:02:51.540 --> 01:02:59.220
But I don't know what level of dropping the hanky or letting him lead that is acceptable. Okay, so Stacy you

944
01:03:00.540 --> 01:03:04.860
Invited somebody from your singles group to hang out and he accepted your invitation

945
01:03:04.860 --> 01:03:11.420
Well, I threw out an invitation to the group to see the form which is you know, a strict delay

946
01:03:12.100 --> 01:03:15.340
Styles go about Jesus and his story and

947
01:03:17.020 --> 01:03:19.660
He he was like, oh, yeah, I want to go and

948
01:03:20.420 --> 01:03:24.940
Like later that day. He was like, oh, I'm looking at tickets. It looks like they're selling out fast

949
01:03:25.020 --> 01:03:29.020
Do you want me to grab the tickets and you can pay me back and I was like, yes, that's all it's great

950
01:03:29.020 --> 01:03:34.020
I've been like dealing with getting a new phone all day and it's not going so well and he's like

951
01:03:34.020 --> 01:03:38.060
Oh, I deal with Apple products. Let me help. So it was just really cool that he like

952
01:03:38.540 --> 01:03:43.620
Took initiative that okay. So again, he's you know, but it seems like there's still like it. Is this a day?

953
01:03:43.620 --> 01:03:48.660
It's not really like it wasn't because you put it out in the big group. Okay. Yeah

954
01:03:49.660 --> 01:03:52.340
Go out hang out. Okay get to know him

955
01:03:52.340 --> 01:03:56.140
I mean if it's just the two of you showing up just get to know him at the end

956
01:03:56.140 --> 01:03:59.620
Is it just gonna be the two of you? It was just the two of us

957
01:03:59.620 --> 01:04:02.780
So we had we had that it felt like a date wasn't a date

958
01:04:02.780 --> 01:04:06.900
But like the question is like what what level am I at now?

959
01:04:06.900 --> 01:04:11.420
Like can I drop the Hank you'd be like, I really enjoyed getting to know you one-on-one. I'd love absolutely

960
01:04:12.380 --> 01:04:13.460
Yes

961
01:04:13.460 --> 01:04:20.380
Do it. All right. Say hey, you know, thank you so much for for attending that, you know show with me

962
01:04:20.380 --> 01:04:26.420
I had such a great time. You know, I would you be interested in and hanging out and

963
01:04:26.980 --> 01:04:31.660
Being because here's the thing y'all were watching a show. You really couldn't couldn't get to know each other, right?

964
01:04:32.180 --> 01:04:36.220
You're like, hey, would you be interested in like going bowling with me sometime?

965
01:04:36.220 --> 01:04:40.060
Like I really enjoy getting to know you and I like to get continue to get to know you better

966
01:04:40.060 --> 01:04:47.300
Would that be cool? Is there a day that you're free drop it drop that hanky girl and then let us know what's going on

967
01:04:49.020 --> 01:04:51.900
Thank you, right awesome, okay

968
01:04:53.860 --> 01:04:59.900
All right, so Stephanie seeing multiple people really helps with the anxious, okay, thank you. Yes Stephanie

969
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.880
She is, she's been in here for a couple of weeks,

970
01:05:03.880 --> 01:05:06.560
and she gets it, she knows, she's worked through it,

971
01:05:06.560 --> 01:05:08.320
she's seeing all good things.

972
01:05:08.320 --> 01:05:09.760
All right, Kaitlin, I'm gonna go ahead

973
01:05:09.760 --> 01:05:12.280
and take Kaitlin here, and then Anya,

974
01:05:12.280 --> 01:05:14.720
I do wanna touch on some of your stuff,

975
01:05:14.720 --> 01:05:16.960
because I know this is your last week with us here

976
01:05:16.960 --> 01:05:19.600
in phase two before you shift over.

977
01:05:19.600 --> 01:05:22.920
All right, so Kaitlin, this happened three times.

978
01:05:22.920 --> 01:05:25.920
We chat back and forth on the app for around a week,

979
01:05:25.920 --> 01:05:28.080
we talk about meeting on Zoom or in person,

980
01:05:28.080 --> 01:05:31.520
and then they go, flash, the date doesn't happen, yep.

981
01:05:31.520 --> 01:05:34.000
I have been trying to meet people outside my city,

982
01:05:34.000 --> 01:05:36.720
so I'm wondering if it's because the guys realize

983
01:05:36.720 --> 01:05:39.080
that the long distance isn't worth it,

984
01:05:39.080 --> 01:05:41.060
once the reality of chatting,

985
01:05:42.480 --> 01:05:47.100
IRL hits, in real life hits, okay, gotcha.

986
01:05:47.100 --> 01:05:49.780
Y'all, I'm old, I don't, I don't,

987
01:05:51.280 --> 01:05:54.080
my kids have to school me on all of the like,

988
01:05:54.080 --> 01:05:57.600
acronyms for things, and like all the,

989
01:05:57.600 --> 01:06:00.880
y'all, I'm so old, I know I don't look old,

990
01:06:00.880 --> 01:06:02.720
I always joke with my husband, I'm older than my husband,

991
01:06:02.720 --> 01:06:04.840
but I always tell him, I'm like, you look older than me,

992
01:06:04.840 --> 01:06:06.800
I'm older than you, but I look younger.

993
01:06:07.960 --> 01:06:10.880
Okay, sorry, squirreled for a moment.

994
01:06:10.880 --> 01:06:13.320
Okay, I'm also wondering if I'm just not

995
01:06:13.320 --> 01:06:15.800
a very compelling person on the apps chat,

996
01:06:15.800 --> 01:06:18.060
to be honest, I'm tired of the process

997
01:06:18.060 --> 01:06:20.780
of small talking guys via chat on the apps,

998
01:06:20.780 --> 01:06:23.840
too many starts and stops, I'm having a hard time

999
01:06:23.840 --> 01:06:25.480
having fun in the dating process,

1000
01:06:25.480 --> 01:06:29.600
again, I totally get that, and nothing seems to be taking.

1001
01:06:29.600 --> 01:06:31.080
I'm currently chatting with two guys

1002
01:06:31.080 --> 01:06:33.120
who live in Colorado, you live in Washington,

1003
01:06:33.120 --> 01:06:35.000
I have been chatting with both of them

1004
01:06:35.000 --> 01:06:37.200
for a little over a week, ideally,

1005
01:06:37.200 --> 01:06:39.200
I'd like to just meet on Zoom,

1006
01:06:39.200 --> 01:06:41.120
but neither guy has initiated,

1007
01:06:41.120 --> 01:06:44.560
here's the thing, initiate it with them, okay?

1008
01:06:44.560 --> 01:06:46.920
Drop the hanky on that with them,

1009
01:06:46.920 --> 01:06:48.560
but neither guy has yet, okay,

1010
01:06:48.560 --> 01:06:50.480
so I'm afraid of initiating a Zoom date

1011
01:06:50.480 --> 01:06:52.280
because I don't want to scare them off.

1012
01:06:52.280 --> 01:06:55.440
Okay, nope, no worries about being long, okay.

1013
01:06:56.280 --> 01:06:59.520
Caitlin, I recall the last time we were on,

1014
01:06:59.520 --> 01:07:01.960
we were unpacking and Holy Spirit showed up

1015
01:07:01.960 --> 01:07:05.000
on that conversation, remember?

1016
01:07:05.000 --> 01:07:06.340
Remember what I said?

1017
01:07:07.560 --> 01:07:10.320
Those lies, go ahead.

1018
01:07:10.320 --> 01:07:14.760
Sorry, I do, but yeah, will you help jog my memory?

1019
01:07:14.760 --> 01:07:16.760
So yeah, remember we were kind of drawing out

1020
01:07:16.760 --> 01:07:18.560
some of those lies and some of those things

1021
01:07:18.560 --> 01:07:21.880
that you were starting to believe about yourself

1022
01:07:21.880 --> 01:07:24.220
and all of those insecurities coming up,

1023
01:07:24.220 --> 01:07:25.540
and remember how I encouraged you

1024
01:07:25.540 --> 01:07:27.260
to start speaking to that enemy?

1025
01:07:27.260 --> 01:07:28.940
Yes, yes.

1026
01:07:28.940 --> 01:07:32.980
It's, here's the thing, it's still showing up here.

1027
01:07:32.980 --> 01:07:34.380
Okay. Right?

1028
01:07:34.380 --> 01:07:37.140
You know, like, you know,

1029
01:07:37.140 --> 01:07:40.220
when you're getting ghosted and the date doesn't happen,

1030
01:07:40.220 --> 01:07:42.300
I'm wondering if it's because of,

1031
01:07:44.020 --> 01:07:47.160
I'm just not a very compelling person.

1032
01:07:48.380 --> 01:07:49.500
Is that true?

1033
01:07:50.460 --> 01:07:52.180
No. Is Caitlin not a compelling,

1034
01:07:52.180 --> 01:07:53.980
she is the compelling person.

1035
01:07:54.740 --> 01:07:55.580
You're compelling.

1036
01:07:55.580 --> 01:07:57.180
Absolutely.

1037
01:07:57.180 --> 01:08:01.740
So again, let me help you ladies, okay?

1038
01:08:01.740 --> 01:08:06.420
This is what helped me, and I had to do this myself.

1039
01:08:07.780 --> 01:08:10.900
Holy ghosting and things not working out

1040
01:08:10.900 --> 01:08:14.300
with some of these guys is good.

1041
01:08:14.300 --> 01:08:18.180
You do not want the wrong people coming in your path

1042
01:08:18.180 --> 01:08:20.380
to distract you from what God has for you

1043
01:08:20.380 --> 01:08:21.800
and who God has for you.

1044
01:08:22.720 --> 01:08:24.520
So ladies, when you're getting ghosted

1045
01:08:24.520 --> 01:08:28.120
and these guys aren't showing interest to you, it's okay.

1046
01:08:29.560 --> 01:08:32.479
You don't want those people to come in and stir

1047
01:08:32.479 --> 01:08:34.439
and get in that confusion.

1048
01:08:34.439 --> 01:08:38.760
So let's invite that, Lord, if this is not my person,

1049
01:08:38.760 --> 01:08:41.279
don't let them be interested in me.

1050
01:08:41.279 --> 01:08:43.920
Let them move along, right?

1051
01:08:43.920 --> 01:08:45.279
And Lord, if there is someone

1052
01:08:45.279 --> 01:08:47.080
that you want me to come in contact with

1053
01:08:47.080 --> 01:08:48.680
that may not be my spirit mate,

1054
01:08:48.680 --> 01:08:50.960
I trust that you're bringing them into my life

1055
01:08:50.960 --> 01:08:53.160
because you want me to grow, you want me to heal,

1056
01:08:53.160 --> 01:08:54.840
you wanna show me something

1057
01:08:54.840 --> 01:08:58.500
that is going to prepare me for my husband.

1058
01:09:01.399 --> 01:09:06.399
Ladies, I will testify there were men that came in my life

1059
01:09:07.200 --> 01:09:09.840
when I was in this program that I dated

1060
01:09:09.840 --> 01:09:11.560
that were not my spirit mate,

1061
01:09:11.560 --> 01:09:14.560
but I learned something from every single one of them.

1062
01:09:14.560 --> 01:09:16.140
And I'm not saying that it was easy.

1063
01:09:16.140 --> 01:09:17.399
I'm not saying that there was times

1064
01:09:17.399 --> 01:09:19.800
that that rejection didn't hit and it hit hard.

1065
01:09:21.600 --> 01:09:24.760
However, what I will say,

1066
01:09:24.760 --> 01:09:27.120
now that I'm on that other side of it,

1067
01:09:28.040 --> 01:09:29.279
it was all worth it.

1068
01:09:29.279 --> 01:09:31.640
It made all perfect sense.

1069
01:09:31.640 --> 01:09:35.399
And God made it very clear to me who my husband was.

1070
01:09:36.800 --> 01:09:41.240
And I'm so thankful for those guys that I dated prior to him

1071
01:09:41.240 --> 01:09:44.200
because it allowed me to be open

1072
01:09:44.200 --> 01:09:48.580
to receive the gift that my husband is.

1073
01:09:49.580 --> 01:09:51.899
So what I'm seeing, Caitlin,

1074
01:09:51.899 --> 01:09:55.780
is that we're still battling some of this identity stuff

1075
01:09:55.780 --> 01:09:59.220
that's creeping in, that the enemy wants to sit here

1076
01:09:59.220 --> 01:10:00.220
and get you to quit.

1077
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.680
yourself that you're not compelling that guys don't like you that maybe here's

1078
01:10:04.680 --> 01:10:08.680
another thing if it's long-distance then they're realizing oh I don't want to

1079
01:10:08.680 --> 01:10:13.280
move for this person I well they don't have to decide that right away right

1080
01:10:13.280 --> 01:10:18.360
what if your husband doesn't live near you guess what he's gonna make the

1081
01:10:18.360 --> 01:10:21.480
effort believe it or not I was in a long-distance relationship my husband

1082
01:10:21.480 --> 01:10:27.120
was long-distance mm-hmm I didn't want to move but that was one thing God was

1083
01:10:27.120 --> 01:10:32.160
like you don't need to give that to me all right but I will tell you my husband

1084
01:10:32.160 --> 01:10:39.320
was so intentional was showing me I was worth the distance for him to travel to

1085
01:10:39.320 --> 01:10:45.280
get to know me mm-hmm all right so we don't have to worry about what ladies

1086
01:10:45.280 --> 01:10:50.800
leave that to God let God figure all of that out he's got that mm-hmm but let's

1087
01:10:50.800 --> 01:10:55.920
start again let's again we're not gonna sit here in a line with those enemies

1088
01:10:55.920 --> 01:10:59.800
for the the lies that the enemy wants to feed you Caitlin I'm not yeah I'm

1089
01:10:59.800 --> 01:11:04.320
not buying it yeah you are compelling you are worth it you are worth any

1090
01:11:04.320 --> 01:11:11.280
amount of distance for a guy to come see you and get to know you all right so

1091
01:11:11.280 --> 01:11:15.720
let's let's start aligning with that until Satan he can shove it and go back

1092
01:11:15.720 --> 01:11:20.640
where he belongs all right

1093
01:11:20.640 --> 01:11:27.120
okay I think she froze for a minute but sorry I'm back my audio froze I'm at

1094
01:11:27.120 --> 01:11:32.280
this coffee shop no I remembered that when that froze yeah my my internet's

1095
01:11:32.280 --> 01:11:37.320
been freezing yeah I wasn't sure if it was me or you yeah no preach preach

1096
01:11:37.320 --> 01:11:42.640
thank you all right affirming and I think my the last thing is just that

1097
01:11:42.640 --> 01:11:48.240
initiation thing because I don't want to like I there's a fear of like being too

1098
01:11:48.240 --> 01:11:52.600
masculine by like stepping out of your comfort zone there is and we can have a

1099
01:11:52.600 --> 01:11:57.400
feminine have you watched the divine feminine video yet yeah yeah but maybe

1100
01:11:57.400 --> 01:12:02.040
I'll go rewatch it cuz I watch it cuz again there is a way for us to softly

1101
01:12:02.040 --> 01:12:07.680
approach and like again initiate contact you know that dropping the hanky letting

1102
01:12:07.680 --> 01:12:10.880
guys know that they're that we're interested that we're you know we want

1103
01:12:10.880 --> 01:12:16.000
them to want to get to know us like there there are ways that subtly do it

1104
01:12:16.000 --> 01:12:19.960
where we we don't have to like masculinely take charge but we can be

1105
01:12:19.960 --> 01:12:26.200
like hey you know like and softly approach and whatnot so it's gonna step

1106
01:12:26.200 --> 01:12:31.960
you out of your comfort zone but that's all good yeah awesome thank you so much

1107
01:12:31.960 --> 01:12:38.120
Caitlin for being vulnerable and letting us know okay Louisa I'm sorry I could

1108
01:12:38.120 --> 01:12:43.480
not get to you um please please please I'm gonna make two so if you can go on

1109
01:12:43.480 --> 01:12:47.920
the eight o'clock call with Ebony and I will let her know that you came to one

1110
01:12:47.920 --> 01:12:51.240
o'clock and we couldn't get to your question so if you still have that

1111
01:12:51.240 --> 01:12:55.320
because the last person I want to take here is Anya before she goes over to

1112
01:12:55.320 --> 01:13:01.640
face face three and leaves us but all for good reasons so just to kind of give

1113
01:13:01.640 --> 01:13:05.880
and and correct me if I'm leaving anything out Anya you were I'm getting

1114
01:13:05.880 --> 01:13:12.760
to know a guy for over a month you were at level two you were interested in him

1115
01:13:12.760 --> 01:13:16.720
but there were some things that you know you weren't sure about so after

1116
01:13:16.720 --> 01:13:20.920
getting to know him for about a month you were able to have some deeper

1117
01:13:20.920 --> 01:13:25.080
conversations which at that point is important because you spent some time

1118
01:13:25.080 --> 01:13:30.920
getting to know him and you came to the realization and had peace that it was

1119
01:13:30.920 --> 01:13:40.200
excuse me okay to let him go and he he had some anxiousness attaching that

1120
01:13:40.200 --> 01:13:45.840
happened with him and she had to set some some boundaries and she had a

1121
01:13:45.840 --> 01:13:54.640
grieve as well but I'm interested to know how all of that has has panned out

1122
01:13:54.640 --> 01:14:03.240
yeah I think just about two weeks ago I had a call with him just to let him know

1123
01:14:03.240 --> 01:14:10.400
the call was fine I mean he was quiet so I yeah but then you started texting

1124
01:14:10.400 --> 01:14:16.280
you lots of yes lots of things and just in context to like he for you ladies

1125
01:14:16.280 --> 01:14:21.800
like he had expressed very clearly how much he liked me so I know that was

1126
01:14:21.800 --> 01:14:31.640
difficult for him but yeah he he texted me shortly after our call kind of trying

1127
01:14:31.640 --> 01:14:37.280
to understand and I responded at first because it was not super intense and

1128
01:14:37.280 --> 01:14:42.160
then a little bit later it was a little bit more like wait but I don't get this

1129
01:14:42.160 --> 01:14:46.440
I thought we were doing one day at a time like you know he it was so

1130
01:14:46.440 --> 01:14:51.640
specifically it was just where we're at in our faith journeys for what I feel

1131
01:14:51.640 --> 01:14:56.080
called to like I'm in full-time ministry and I lead in full-time ministry and he's

1132
01:14:56.080 --> 01:15:01.680
just brand brand brand new and there's some other

1133
01:15:00.560 --> 01:15:04.640
other beliefs there that he's not quite figured out or sure about yet that just weren't in

1134
01:15:04.640 --> 01:15:12.320
alignment and so um to him it was small differences like I but I can grow you know like so there were

1135
01:15:12.320 --> 01:15:16.800
different different tones to the text depending on what time of day and what day it was that he sent

1136
01:15:17.360 --> 01:15:23.360
um so he had sent a few more and they were a little bit more almost aggressive like yeah

1137
01:15:23.360 --> 01:15:29.760
like kind of throwing my words back in his face about like he wasn't he wasn't he wasn't healthy

1138
01:15:29.760 --> 01:15:34.240
in respecting boundaries and I think that was really telling and I think if anything

1139
01:15:35.120 --> 01:15:41.040
I think that was probably important for you to see and and confirm and affirm you

1140
01:15:41.920 --> 01:15:48.880
that you made the right choice and that you can confidently walk in the dating season and and

1141
01:15:48.880 --> 01:15:56.400
trust yourself in the process yeah that's before you like ladies it's you know dating is not easy

1142
01:15:56.400 --> 01:16:02.160
but it is worth it and um you know you're learning to come in with healthy boundaries

1143
01:16:02.160 --> 01:16:08.240
and communicate effectively and you're and what I will say is you know y'all she saw

1144
01:16:08.240 --> 01:16:15.200
some really good qualities in that man and she was like wow I you know I remember you even sharing

1145
01:16:16.560 --> 01:16:23.200
wow he's gonna have to really like that my husband's gonna have to measure up here he's

1146
01:16:23.200 --> 01:16:27.600
gonna have to come with some of these qualities that this guy had because I really like that

1147
01:16:28.160 --> 01:16:34.720
and so she's she's discovering what she likes and the qualities and characteristics in in a spirit

1148
01:16:34.720 --> 01:16:42.080
mate that she really desires and so she got to learn that from this experience yes she got to

1149
01:16:42.080 --> 01:16:47.520
practice setting some healthy boundaries and also seeing that she can be confident

1150
01:16:48.320 --> 01:16:54.560
and she hears from God and he's showing up in that and so here's the thing is that guy's not

1151
01:16:54.560 --> 01:17:00.720
a bad guy does he have some healing and some growth absolutely now she gets to pray for him

1152
01:17:00.720 --> 01:17:06.080
not to him she's not probably gonna be here let me pray for you let me tell you what you did wrong

1153
01:17:06.080 --> 01:17:11.920
no just be like look you can at this point I'm guessing you kind of just stopped responding and

1154
01:17:12.480 --> 01:17:20.320
blessed him well I did for a couple days and then he sent he switched over to Facebook messenger

1155
01:17:20.320 --> 01:17:26.800
because I don't know he probably thought I blocked his number or something but he was like hey I like

1156
01:17:27.600 --> 01:17:32.240
I haven't heard from you in a while I hope you're okay which like well of course you haven't heard

1157
01:17:32.240 --> 01:17:37.280
from me you've been bombarding me with texts but so I felt just to give a quick response of

1158
01:17:37.280 --> 01:17:44.080
hey I'm okay I need space to process if I decide to reach out again I will text when I'm ready and

1159
01:17:44.080 --> 01:17:49.040
I had said that in context of the last one he had sent me was I don't want to lose you as a friend

1160
01:17:49.040 --> 01:17:55.360
and I was like it was a little bit less aggressive and so I just was like okay I mean I like this guy

1161
01:17:55.360 --> 01:18:02.080
and yeah and my heart was hurting for him too and so just trying to process it all but that's more

1162
01:18:02.080 --> 01:18:07.600
what I meant and then the message I got back was like shoot he took that as being really hopeful

1163
01:18:07.600 --> 01:18:12.320
but I don't have the energy to answer this today here's the thing you said about me and said hey I

1164
01:18:13.040 --> 01:18:21.440
need time I need space if and when I want to reach out I will yeah you set a boundary

1165
01:18:22.400 --> 01:18:27.600
and that's it yeah here's the thing ladies and I'll leave with this and then I'm gonna you know

1166
01:18:27.600 --> 01:18:34.640
let you ladies go is when you if any of you ladies encounter men like this if you have to

1167
01:18:34.640 --> 01:18:39.360
kind of end things with somebody and they're showing up this ancient attachment you know I

1168
01:18:39.360 --> 01:18:44.080
want you again ladies come let us know what's going on we can coach you through this um Anya's

1169
01:18:44.080 --> 01:18:50.000
done really really well about setting healthy boundaries and not taking the bait if you will

1170
01:18:50.720 --> 01:18:56.880
because what that is is manipulation yeah he's he's trying to manipulate her he doesn't want

1171
01:18:56.880 --> 01:19:03.680
to end this he wants to manipulate her and and you know feeling sorry for him and play with her

1172
01:19:03.680 --> 01:19:08.640
emotions and heartstrings again I don't think he's doing this intentionally and maliciously

1173
01:19:08.640 --> 01:19:12.720
I think he's just got some wounds that he's gonna have to heal on his own but it's not your

1174
01:19:12.720 --> 01:19:18.000
responsibility to heal him right he's got a he's got a god that loves him and that will work on him

1175
01:19:18.000 --> 01:19:24.160
in that and that's when we bless him like we can bless and block okay and so but again I want to

1176
01:19:24.160 --> 01:19:32.880
emphasize when you ladies have if men are going to show up in this way it's recognizing that it's

1177
01:19:32.880 --> 01:19:42.640
manipulation and you can set a boundary and it and that's just it like he's not making healthy choices

1178
01:19:43.680 --> 01:19:48.560
he's he's not doing it well and it's not her responsibility to pick it up

1179
01:19:49.360 --> 01:19:59.280
okay so if that happens to any of you like rest assured boundaries are good that's why we put

1180
01:19:59.280 --> 01:19:59.920
boundaries in

1181
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.680
and faith too, because you're going to practice those boundaries and you're going to practice

1182
01:20:05.680 --> 01:20:12.080
healthy communication. So again, thank you so much for letting us in this phase walk through

1183
01:20:12.080 --> 01:20:18.880
this with you. It's beautiful when things like this happen because your experience really is,

1184
01:20:19.680 --> 01:20:26.240
makes my job easy, honestly, to help you ladies walk through and pull things out.

1185
01:20:26.240 --> 01:20:33.600
And inevitably, this is what I love is, ladies, your experiences in this phase is going to grow

1186
01:20:33.600 --> 01:20:42.880
you and teach you and uncover things that God wants to use. And so again, I can't thank you

1187
01:20:42.880 --> 01:20:53.600
enough for just letting us walk that journey with you. And I still, I have eyes in phase three.

1188
01:20:54.560 --> 01:21:01.360
So I'll be looking for your story for sure and seeing how you're doing. But thank you so much

1189
01:21:01.360 --> 01:21:12.080
again, ladies. I hope y'all got something from this today. Don't forget your activations and

1190
01:21:13.840 --> 01:21:19.600
yeah, just keep showing up and keep being vulnerable with us and we'll see you all next

1191
01:21:19.600 --> 01:21:26.560
week. Okay. Bye ladies. Bye y'all.