WEBVTT

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I'd be willing to say that 50%, 50% of marriages that end in divorce could have been salvaged

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if there were some secure, strong men and women in that person's life or in both people's

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lives that are blessed and dialyzed.

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Welcome back to the Steve Holt Podcast.

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I'm Ryan Steyer, Executive Pastor at The Road.

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I'm here with Dr. Steve Holt, Senior Pastor and Founder of The Road, and we're here discussing

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Breakthrough Courage, Nine Habits to Conquer Fear and Build a Brave Heart.

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Today, we're covering habit number three, and that is bloodstained allies.

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It's something we've been living out, brother.

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So I think from those early days when we started The Road Church, you were there, a bunch of

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other guys were there.

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We cried a lot.

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We were upset sometimes.

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We had to ask for forgiveness sometimes from the past and things that we had been through,

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but that's when we were forming this whole concept of bloodstained allies.

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So it's just, there's no way you're going to be able to seek the kingdom consistently

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in your life, habit one, or embrace hard, habit two, without habit three, which is developing

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some friends, some men, in our case, men with women, women in your life.

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And I think it all starts with your spouse.

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That's the first bloodstained ally.

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That are people who will have your back and they're going to go through it with you.

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And they've probably been through, in some cases, harder things than you are.

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So they come with an empathy for you.

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It's huge.

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It's huge.

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I want to read how you frame it up here, just as we start the narrative or the dialogue

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around habit three, bloodstained allies are people who unconditionally accept you and

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absolutely won't cut and run when life gets hard.

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All of us need, but few of us have.

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People are lives with whom we can be vulnerable and authentic.

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Those are the people who will build breakthrough courage into us in our darkest times.

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When I was reading this habit again, I'm going back into these stained memories of

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walking through the early days of you as we were discovering even the...

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We didn't even have language for the title of what a bloodstained ally was.

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It was organic, but it was happening just in a beautiful kingdom-designed way of how

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God intends for all of us to walk this journey of heart.

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He doesn't ever intend us to go alone.

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And even in the scripture, one of the last things he says in John is he's like, I'm

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with you until the end of the age.

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And that has come to mean something else.

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Yes, he is with me through the spirit in this age.

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But in that too, I've also seen where he's providing companions for the journey and bloodstained

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allies and what that has come to mean in our lives for each other.

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But I'm always moved.

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I was very much moved to emotion the first time I went through that habit because I'm

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touching back with you and I'm remembering those raw, real vulnerable moments.

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Absolutely.

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I think what really touched all of us was, first of all, I think it was David in the

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cave of Adullam, totally rejected by Saul, probably rejected by all the soldiers that

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he had fought with.

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I mean, can you imagine?

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Well, we can't imagine because we went through it together.

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I remember for me thinking about the staff team that I had and the elders that I had.

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These were kind of key people, right?

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I hired them and they were on the team.

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And I felt so rejected by them during that time.

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And how David must have felt when he had fought against the Philistines on several major battles

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and already won.

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And bled with them.

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Yeah, bled with those guys.

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And he comes into town and the women with the tambourines and the singers are singing

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his praises overnight.

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He goes from hero to zero.

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And that's what I felt.

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I remember just feeling like, wow, church is doing so good.

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We're growing, lots of cool stuff happening in the ministry.

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And the next thing I know, I'm on a forced sabbatical.

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I've just been driven out of my own church and can't even, not even allowed to come back.

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I don't even know if they, they might've even changed the locks.

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I have no idea, but I never went back.

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Never went back except to do a funeral and a wedding in 10 years now.

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But back then, which is not a problem now, but back then it was a big bra, that's all

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I knew.

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That's all I'd known, I'd come back from Japan and then graduate school and then planted

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this church and for 20 years, every day, that's all I thought about and suddenly, bam, it's

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gone.

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No, I mean, there was an explanation given, but it wasn't super clear about where do we

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go from here, what's the expectations.

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So I think about David at that time in the cave of Adullam, all these victories, all

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these good things happening in his life, he's now the son-in-law of the king.

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He's fighting for the king and winning, I mean, he keeps winning, he's always winning.

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And then the jealousy and the envy of what was happening in Saul's life, double crosses

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David and then here come all these guys, probably didn't know any of them.

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And I think that what they identified with David was that David was an enemy now of the

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king.

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I think they were all enemies of the king.

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They all had been double crossed.

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They all felt ripped off.

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The description so clear about how they just were kind of like the dispossessed, the thieves,

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the people who owed money from the bank, they were just in trouble.

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And now they could identify with this guy who had been the rock star of Israel.

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And now he's in the same boat as them.

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And how would he have known at that time God was forming this army of men who would become

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the mighty men of David and who would have known a decade ago that this little group

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of you guys, I didn't know you guys hardly, I don't know, have we ever met?

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We had met a couple of times, but it was very informal and in the lobby on the way out of

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service.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It was just impressive.

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And so so many, I think virtually everybody that came to hang out with me during my darkest

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time were people I barely knew at the other church.

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Yeah.

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And we were serving in a leadership capacity, just running a small group.

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And so we orbited a little bit just when I think you came and addressed all the small

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group leaders to our life group leaders at the time to just encourage us and just the

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value of life, new life together.

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But that was about, you know, the, the proximity that we had then.

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So, but yeah, a lot of, so many men at that time, right.

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You weren't in deep relationship with and wouldn't have considered them trusted allies.

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And you're talking about this and I'm reminded of this concept that we've unpacked at some

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of our men's events, this AAO times four, and you go in, you get completely blindsided

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by these men that should have been trusted allies.

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You know, I'm getting this, this visual for me.

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And the only thing I can relate to is when you're, you're playing as a kid, maybe your

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legs get like swooped out from a friend, you're wrestling them.

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And then your, your air just goes completely flat out of your chest.

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For sure.

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And you're just like laying on the ground.

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Really good illustration.

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Yeah.

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Just out of breath.

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Right.

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Trying to recover.

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Yeah.

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Like you just, you went into a dark room, you're looking maybe for the light switch

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and then you just get hammered.

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I've done that before where I've like, I've walked into the side of the door.

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I think the door is, is all the way open.

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Yes.

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It's not, or, or it's, it's pivoting back because of the way it's been set.

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You're looking for the switch and, and the shock when your forehead hits the half open

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door, right?

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I've done that so many times.

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Oh my gosh.

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I've done that except times 10.

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Right.

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It's like times 10 emotionally, it's, it's, you know, I think for a senior pastor or maybe

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if you've ever been president of something or a director of something and, and it, and

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you get fired or whatever, um, it's like you, you walk into this dark room, you're looking

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for the light switch, you hit the door and people are watching it.

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I mean, you know, it's like one thing you feel stupid because you ran into the door

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and you were wondering, did I cut my forehead or anything or my nose?

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But then imagine if there was, you know, a hundred people watched you do that.

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Yeah.

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That's the feeling I had.

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Huge.

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And it's like, I'm an idiot.

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I can't believe I did that.

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I can't believe I allowed this to happen in my church.

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And so it's a very, it's a very humiliating time to then have some other men or some other

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women that they're not humiliated.

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They're not turning their backs on you.

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They see something in you that they still believe in and that's a bloodstained ally.

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That's huge.

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Yeah.

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I'm describing this and I'm having some memory recall just around.

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A tactical tool that they teach in kind of basic military leadership in the field, and that's the ambush.

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And you're experiencing that, and the goal is just to, you know, your target, to catch them completely unaware,

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without the ability to respond in a defensive posture in that moment.

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And I'm just getting this visual of you being taken to your office, completely off guard,

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presented with this news, and it's a 100% complete total ambush.

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And for some of us, we have experienced that through the very life experiences that come to us at times.

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And then we recover, and part of that recovery is the surprise, the equal blessing of a surprise,

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where, you know, guys are showing up.

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And in the book, you talk about, and I love this quote, man, and it's been true of your life.

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It's been true of my life.

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We've been there for each other in this way for sure, and that is where, you know, Jesus has saved our souls.

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But it's been men who've saved and recovered our hearts.

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That's right.

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Yeah, that's really true that you guys coming around me at that time was one of the great episodes of my life.

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And I wouldn't be sitting here today.

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We wouldn't have planted such a fantastically effective and successful church.

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We wouldn't have written books.

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We wouldn't have had so many hunting days.

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I mean, so many times we've shot elk together, deer together.

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Gosh, my mind is flooded with us quartering animals out in the woods, us starting wholeheart advance for men,

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done like eight of them, wilderness encounters for men.

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I think we've done like four of those, like so many things, you know, that we've done because they were blessed and allies.

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Yeah.

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So I just think that this is what I did not do.

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This is what I did not do is I didn't have that.

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I didn't develop that before the things happened to me that were so catastrophic.

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So I really felt alone.

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I remember that feeling so vividly coming back to my house, telling Liz what happened, trying to explain it to her, totally embarrassed by it.

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And thinking to myself, who do I share with?

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And I had Liz and it was really, it was just some of my kids that were there.

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It was my family.

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But the bloodstained allies that I'm talking about here, that came later.

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Right.

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That came in the next four months.

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You're at ground zero and you're looking at the landscape and everything's up for grabs.

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You're going, well, the people that I thought I could trust that were in my corner that were decision makers together on, clearly that's been dissolved.

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That's right.

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And that is not at all what I thought it was.

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Yeah.

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Kind of the veil has been ripped down.

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That's right.

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And I can so appreciate that honest moment of even feeling alone.

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And we talk about that, right?

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That's where the enemy's ultimate goal is to get us.

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That's right.

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Because if he can get us there and we actually attach to it.

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Yeah.

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Make the agreement, sign the contract.

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Yeah.

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Well, man, that's 90% of the battle for him because that's where we then dip way off, fall off the cliff and he can achieve his ultimate goal to destroy us.

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Yeah.

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I think the most important way and the most effective way that Satan works in our lives is isolation.

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And I would, I'd be willing to say that 50%, 50% of marriages that end in divorce could have been salvaged if there were some secure, strong men and women in that person's life or in both people's lives.

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Amen.

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That are blessed and allies.

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Yeah.

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They wouldn't have made that decision.

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They would have worked it out.

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Yep.

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Somebody would have said the right thing at the right time and at the right place and they would go, maybe this isn't such a great idea to get this divorce.

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Yeah.

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Or someone who's going through an addiction that is destroying their life if they have blessed and allies.

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I think that's what the 12-step programs that are so good at.

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Alcoholics Anonymous.

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Yeah.

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Sexual, you know, Sexual Addiction Anonymous.

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Sure.

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All those different things.

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They're all built around small groups.

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Community.

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And community and blessed and allies.

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This revelation of, oh, I'm not alone.

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Other people have struggled with this.

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Other people are recovering from this.

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It's interesting, just even the timing of this conversation and the conversations that I've had that have been disconnected from each other.

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But the messaging, and this would be true of both men and women that are saying, what I deal with on a mental level.

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level is that I'm not enough. So you get this catalyst event that then the enemy

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can tag on to leverage, really kind of try to...this is where the deterioration

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of true identity comes. He starts to deteriorate the true stealer hearts in

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this messaging of, will he attach, will she attach to this conversation I want to

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have with him about, you're not enough, you're not truly beloved, people don't

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believe in you.

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That's right.

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And then come in a bloodstained ally who gives you what you need, who hears from

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God. And we're going to get to in a minute some of the DNA of a bloodstained

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ally. Let me come back to something, because I've always...I don't know if I've

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ever asked you this, but in this transaction of being completely ripped

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off, completely kind of abandoned, betrayal for sure applies. What was the

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process for you to begin to rebuild? Because in the book, and you say it so

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beautifully, and I remember some of those silent times where things are starting to

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be rebuilt. But what was going on inside of you to risk again relationship?

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I think part of it was vision, was I didn't feel like that the vision that God

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had originally given me for the city, for the state, Colorado, was over.

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Okay.

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I still had a vision for my life. So I can't say enough about the importance of

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having a vision, a purpose for your life, that when you have a setback, you can

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still set your compass due north. So the due north was still there, which was a

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vital relationship with Christ. I knew that he had, and I never, ever doubted that

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Christ was with me, that he was, and it took, it took probably a month, probably

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four weeks or so. Cause at first it was like, oh, Satan, Satan's behind this, this

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spiritual warfare. And he was, he's part of that. Yeah. I'm not saying the people

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that did it were demonized or anything. Um, what I'm saying is that Satan will

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use anything that can derail someone from their purpose. So he can do that in

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any case. Um, but I think what I'm saying is that there was this part of me that

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looked at it as spiritual warfare. I'm going to fight through this. I'm going to

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see it through. But then there was a switch to actually God, maybe God

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orchestrated it. Maybe God actually is doing this. And you know what the big

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change was for me was Liz saying to me, she had gotten those words like three

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weeks before about a road less traveled. Yeah. Right. So she said, Hey, I was, she

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said, Steve, I was on, I remember the retreat I was on at that hotel. And I

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said, yes. He said, well, God spoke to me three times. Uh, the road less traveled.

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I wonder if there's something to that. And then we were with my son-in-law's

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family. Yeah. And he said, oh, this is cause I was explaining it to them. And

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then he said, this is like kind of like a road, less travel. Yeah. And so then we

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had three more road, less travel moments over the next four months. So I think

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initially, okay. As spiritual warfare, I'm going to battle this thing. I've still

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got a purpose here. I've still got a vision for the city. I'm not going

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anywhere. So God's going to work it all out and I'm going to stay at the church.

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It's all going to be fine. Then a shift to, oh, there's a road, less travel. God

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speaking. Even before this, even before they, they did what they did on the fourth

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sabbatical, I'd heard the road, less travel. So there's at least the beginnings

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of this mindset that maybe God's getting ready to do something really different.

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Wow. So that kind of gave me hope. Yeah. Then you guys started coming around and I

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started having some guys that believed in me that they didn't, they didn't think I

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was finished. They didn't think I was done for. And so all of that became kind of a

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little bit of a recipe of, of endurance. Yeah. You know, I'm gonna, I wonder what

285
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God's up to and still not knowing. Yeah. I had hope. There was a lot of hope in that.

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Yeah. The way you write about the book and you'd referenced like kind of the first

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month of this process, which we could then maybe extract that 30 days or 90 to a

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hundred miles later of foot traffic. Right? So you're, you're really modeling.

289
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And again, touching back on David, when I, when I look back in the rear view mirror,

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I'm looking at a couple of different pieces. I remember like when you had been

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forced to step out, you had just entered a teaching on David life. And then God was

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talking about this. Right.

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Worshipper Warrior.

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Gives you a deeper...

295
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It's called Worshipper Warrior.

296
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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And then a deeper look into understanding David's walk to give more meaning to the book

299
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that was ultimately created from that.

300
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That's crazy.

301
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And I'm going, wow.

302
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But you know, in that journey...

303
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Oh, the other thing is when they came to me and said, we're putting you on this for a

304
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sabbatical, I just finished a seminar upstairs at the church on spiritual warfare.

305
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Oh, wow.

306
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Isn't that funny?

307
00:20:31.000 --> 00:20:35.680
They were like, hey, Steve, knock, knock, anybody home?

308
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I mean, I've set you up to be able to handle this.

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And through those moments in our lives, when we're willing to hear, like just pause and

310
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wait on the Lord, right?

311
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Yeah.

312
00:20:47.200 --> 00:20:51.440
So that's what I see you modeling in your reference to Forrest Gump, and I'm just going

313
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to walk.

314
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I'm just going to wait on the Lord in this time and in this posture, wait for him to

315
00:20:55.720 --> 00:21:01.000
reveal what he's saying, road less traveled, more work to be done.

316
00:21:01.000 --> 00:21:04.680
The things I placed in your heart, you haven't realized yet, and they're not going to look

317
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the way that you thought they were going to be realized.

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We're going to repackage this thing, and I'm going to take you into a deeper understanding

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into the life of David.

320
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So beautiful, you know, that understanding and just even the value then of what those

321
00:21:16.680 --> 00:21:22.120
men in the cave of Absalom came to mean in your life in the form of Bloodstained Allies.

322
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Yeah.

323
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And we developed that language.

324
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Right.

325
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And there's this, if you've seen the account of Montecristo, the one with Jim Caviezel,

326
00:21:32.320 --> 00:21:40.660
he is realizing not all of it at once, but gradually realizing with the priest down there

327
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in that dungeon.

328
00:21:41.660 --> 00:21:42.660
Oh, wow.

329
00:21:42.660 --> 00:21:43.660
Yeah.

330
00:21:43.660 --> 00:21:44.660
His road is discovered.

331
00:21:44.660 --> 00:21:46.620
He's starting to, he's being taught how to read.

332
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He's learning how to read for the first time.

333
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He's learning how to fight with a sword.

334
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He's learning logic.

335
00:21:51.140 --> 00:21:52.140
Yes.

336
00:21:52.140 --> 00:21:57.100
And so through the give and take with his Bloodstained Ally, it finally dawns on him

337
00:21:57.100 --> 00:21:58.440
what happened.

338
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So then he brings it all together and he realizes how he's been double crossed and actually

339
00:22:04.940 --> 00:22:05.940
how that came down.

340
00:22:05.940 --> 00:22:06.940
Yeah.

341
00:22:06.940 --> 00:22:09.020
And remember, he just kind of screams out.

342
00:22:09.020 --> 00:22:17.100
But it becomes a motivating factor for him to keep training himself.

343
00:22:17.100 --> 00:22:18.100
Yes.

344
00:22:18.100 --> 00:22:19.100
Right?

345
00:22:19.100 --> 00:22:20.100
Right.

346
00:22:20.100 --> 00:22:21.100
And that's the way I felt too a little bit.

347
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I was like, oh, I really messed up here.

348
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I was really a bad leader here.

349
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And I started putting things together through all the walking and walking and walking.

350
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And that became kind of like a fire in my belly to become a better person.

351
00:22:38.980 --> 00:22:42.140
I need to work on a lot of things.

352
00:22:42.140 --> 00:22:47.100
And my pride has blinded me to these mistakes.

353
00:22:47.100 --> 00:22:48.100
Yeah.

354
00:22:48.100 --> 00:22:49.500
I have treated people.

355
00:22:49.500 --> 00:22:52.060
I just began to repent of stuff.

356
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And then that's when it just drove me into the counseling that I was getting, the books

357
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that I was reading by Brene Brown and others.

358
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Those were all like, I'm going to become a better person.

359
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I'm not going to blame.

360
00:23:05.940 --> 00:23:08.180
I'm going to really focus in.

361
00:23:08.180 --> 00:23:14.380
And so then as guys came around, the Bloodstained Allies came around, we would talk about those

362
00:23:14.380 --> 00:23:15.380
things.

363
00:23:15.380 --> 00:23:16.380
Totally.

364
00:23:16.660 --> 00:23:19.100
And it wasn't that I was teaching anyone.

365
00:23:19.100 --> 00:23:23.580
It was more like I was just revealing stuff in my life and then other people would reveal

366
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stuff in their life.

367
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And I think it made us all better.

368
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We all wanted to become better people.

369
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And I want to come back to that.

370
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Two things that I think would be worth pausing and noting would be that research and studies

371
00:23:34.060 --> 00:23:38.460
have shown that we are pretty much cemented in who we are by the age of 25.

372
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It takes a significant event or something of trauma to get us to change our filter,

373
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our narrative, the way that we're operating, our operating system.

374
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You're going through that moment.

375
00:23:49.380 --> 00:23:51.580
You're experiencing that.

376
00:23:51.580 --> 00:23:56.020
You've written it so well about, and then being open handed to say, God, okay, where

377
00:23:56.020 --> 00:23:57.260
are we going to go from here?

378
00:23:57.260 --> 00:23:58.620
Putting good research back in.

379
00:23:58.620 --> 00:24:02.660
And now you're starting to experience the neuroplasticity of rewiring your brain in

380
00:24:02.660 --> 00:24:03.660
this moment.

381
00:24:03.660 --> 00:24:10.180
I can't help but wonder that first road back, the first fire pit, you're walking up, you

382
00:24:10.180 --> 00:24:12.940
see this group of guys, something's got to be going through your mind.

383
00:24:12.940 --> 00:24:13.940
Like, are these friend?

384
00:24:14.220 --> 00:24:15.220
Are these foe?

385
00:24:15.220 --> 00:24:16.220
What am I about to experience?

386
00:24:16.220 --> 00:24:17.220
Cause you don't know what's about to unfold.

387
00:24:17.220 --> 00:24:18.220
You don't know the purpose, right?

388
00:24:18.220 --> 00:24:23.620
There was no, you didn't have awareness or there was no alert to why they were there.

389
00:24:23.620 --> 00:24:24.620
Right?

390
00:24:24.620 --> 00:24:25.620
Right.

391
00:24:25.620 --> 00:24:27.180
So what was that first walk up to like for you?

392
00:24:27.180 --> 00:24:28.180
Can you remember like?

393
00:24:28.180 --> 00:24:29.740
Oh, I was very guarded.

394
00:24:29.740 --> 00:24:34.820
I was super guarded because at first, cause I could just only see the back of a couple

395
00:24:34.820 --> 00:24:35.820
guys.

396
00:24:35.820 --> 00:24:39.860
So I thought, I wonder if those are the elders and they're going to come and say something

397
00:24:39.860 --> 00:24:40.860
to me again.

398
00:24:40.860 --> 00:24:45.700
Cause it seemed like every time we met, they would just accuse me of something.

399
00:24:45.700 --> 00:24:46.700
So it was like constant.

400
00:24:46.700 --> 00:24:47.700
Wow.

401
00:24:47.700 --> 00:24:50.980
And like I was, man, I was on defense all the time.

402
00:24:50.980 --> 00:24:51.980
Of course.

403
00:24:51.980 --> 00:24:53.420
And so, yes, I totally looked at it that way.

404
00:24:53.420 --> 00:24:55.820
And then as I came and I said, what are you guys doing here?

405
00:24:55.820 --> 00:24:59.380
And they said, we just came to see how you're doing.

406
00:24:59.380 --> 00:25:00.380
Right on.

407
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.540
I remember I just started crying because nobody was doing that for me, and then they did it,

408
00:25:00.380 --> 00:25:00.380


409
00:25:06.540 --> 00:25:14.520
and then some other guys did it, and before long it was a little cadre of guys that cared.

410
00:25:14.520 --> 00:25:18.220
Pretty important in our life to have some blood-stained allies.

411
00:25:18.220 --> 00:25:25.400
From that place, and I would like to maybe take, let's kind of shift now in the habit,

412
00:25:25.400 --> 00:25:29.240
kind of the DNA of being a blood-stained ally, and what's interesting, actually I just have

413
00:25:29.240 --> 00:25:36.760
to frame this out, is that we've gone, we've shared this for men's events for the last

414
00:25:36.760 --> 00:25:41.360
decade, and other churches are wanting to come and unpack this concept, this idea of

415
00:25:41.360 --> 00:25:42.360
this.

416
00:25:42.360 --> 00:25:44.120
That's probably the most popular message.

417
00:25:44.120 --> 00:25:47.400
Everybody really is longing for that, and most people don't have it.

418
00:25:47.400 --> 00:25:53.880
This genuine, this deep core desire that's kingdom installed, we're wired for this desire

419
00:25:53.880 --> 00:26:00.440
of genuine, authentic relationship, and one of the things that I think to my question

420
00:26:00.440 --> 00:26:05.080
about when did something break in you to say, okay, I'm going to risk again, I'm going to

421
00:26:05.080 --> 00:26:09.060
trust again, but it was something organic that started to happen around the fire pit,

422
00:26:09.060 --> 00:26:11.040
and that starts with a V, right?

423
00:26:11.040 --> 00:26:15.440
The vulnerability of can I risk being vulnerable again?

424
00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:17.040
How do I risk that?

425
00:26:17.040 --> 00:26:23.000
And something shifted in that atmosphere around the fire pit where somebody risked, could

426
00:26:23.000 --> 00:26:27.560
have been you initially, I actually don't remember, but I remember the sweetness of

427
00:26:27.560 --> 00:26:33.280
those times that came from that, where it's like, okay, this is a safe place, and man,

428
00:26:33.280 --> 00:26:34.280
I'm dealing with stuff.

429
00:26:34.280 --> 00:26:38.400
I want to start to unpack some of the great disappointments in my own heart and share

430
00:26:38.400 --> 00:26:44.800
that with each other in a place where this is going to be protected, and we're invited

431
00:26:44.800 --> 00:26:47.320
into this sacred circle.

432
00:26:47.320 --> 00:26:54.520
There's no feeling quite like it to just know that you're in a safe place, everybody

433
00:26:54.520 --> 00:26:58.880
loves you, you could share anything, and they would understand.

434
00:26:58.880 --> 00:27:01.160
They can share anything, and you would understand.

435
00:27:01.160 --> 00:27:05.720
Man, that's the DNA of worshiper warrior.

436
00:27:05.720 --> 00:27:15.000
That's the DNA of breakthrough courage, is no more opposing, no more religious fakery,

437
00:27:15.560 --> 00:27:16.440
slip of the hand.

438
00:27:19.400 --> 00:27:28.760
This year and last year, there's been so many revelations of top Christian leaders being

439
00:27:28.760 --> 00:27:35.240
revealed about sins in their life, and I just feel so sad for those people because this could

440
00:27:35.240 --> 00:27:36.040
have been dealt with.

441
00:27:37.080 --> 00:27:42.840
This could be done right, because everybody's got shame, everybody's got brokenness.

442
00:27:42.840 --> 00:27:43.960
That's the next chapter.

443
00:27:43.960 --> 00:27:51.560
I mean, that's what we're going to cover next is the fact that you face, I guess I call

444
00:27:51.560 --> 00:27:57.480
it the facing of the unmentionables, but that shame and failure, and that's a really big

445
00:27:57.480 --> 00:27:59.720
part of what forms Bloodstained Allies.

446
00:28:00.440 --> 00:28:06.120
It's not just that we like to fly fish together or we like to watch football together.

447
00:28:06.120 --> 00:28:08.840
That's superficial.

448
00:28:08.840 --> 00:28:12.360
That's so superficial, even though we've done all those things together.

449
00:28:13.560 --> 00:28:19.800
But the superficial, in the case of Bloodstained Allies, the superficial, the things where

450
00:28:19.800 --> 00:28:26.280
you're not really sharing anything that deep is built on the comfort that comes from the

451
00:28:26.280 --> 00:28:29.720
fact that you have shared the deep.

452
00:28:29.720 --> 00:28:36.440
So you don't have to share it all the time because there's already this unspoken trust.

453
00:28:36.440 --> 00:28:39.160
You just know that guy's your buddy.

454
00:28:39.160 --> 00:28:41.240
You know he's your Bloodstained Ally.

455
00:28:41.240 --> 00:28:44.200
There's nothing, there's not a feeling.

456
00:28:44.200 --> 00:28:49.000
Only thing I can think of that's close to it is being in love with someone who really

457
00:28:49.000 --> 00:28:50.680
loves you unconditionally.

458
00:28:50.680 --> 00:28:53.400
An unconditional love feeling, just like that.

459
00:28:53.960 --> 00:28:58.120
Except it's, I think it's important that it's with people who are of the same sex.

460
00:28:58.120 --> 00:29:01.080
They're for men with men and women with women.

461
00:29:01.080 --> 00:29:06.280
Because I think sometimes with the opposite sex, there's mixture.

462
00:29:07.000 --> 00:29:14.280
But when it's same sex and you're brothers or you're sisters in the Lord, we kind of

463
00:29:14.280 --> 00:29:15.720
understand each other.

464
00:29:15.720 --> 00:29:17.960
I think guys kind of get it with each other.

465
00:29:18.760 --> 00:29:24.360
I know why Ryan Steyer may not want to talk about that right now.

466
00:29:24.360 --> 00:29:25.000
I get that.

467
00:29:25.560 --> 00:29:26.680
And that's okay with me.

468
00:29:27.240 --> 00:29:28.600
And vice versa.

469
00:29:28.600 --> 00:29:29.080
Right?

470
00:29:29.080 --> 00:29:29.640
Yeah.

471
00:29:29.640 --> 00:29:31.000
Women are different though.

472
00:29:31.000 --> 00:29:32.680
Their shame areas are so different.

473
00:29:33.640 --> 00:29:37.720
Except for my wife, I don't, I would never have a Bloodstained Ally that's a female.

474
00:29:37.720 --> 00:29:38.120
Right.

475
00:29:38.120 --> 00:29:40.360
That's kind of scary to even think about.

476
00:29:40.360 --> 00:29:40.860
Sure.

477
00:29:41.800 --> 00:29:45.640
Unless it's maybe your daughter, you know, someone in the family.

478
00:29:45.640 --> 00:29:46.140
Yeah.

479
00:29:46.440 --> 00:29:49.640
But it's male to male in our case.

480
00:29:49.640 --> 00:29:58.360
And we just have learned to know that part about the masculine heart that takes time

481
00:29:59.080 --> 00:29:59.800
to reveal.

482
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:13.000
And we're okay with that. We give that person patience. We give that person a pass with the hope that with time, trust will be built. They'll go there in time.

483
00:30:13.000 --> 00:30:22.000
Yeah, two things I want to pause and just kind of recognize too. We both really leveled up when we got married. Our wives are great.

484
00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:37.000
And in moments of trial and moments of struggle, just Liz's voice in your life, Mandy's voice in mine, really rising to that primary place of a bloodstained ally that they can speak life, speak truth, bring the renewal.

485
00:30:37.000 --> 00:30:44.000
Like so many times for me, Mandy's like encouraged me to renew my mind and some truths where I've been stuck in an unhealthy pattern.

486
00:30:44.000 --> 00:30:46.000
So your wife does that to you too, huh?

487
00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:47.000
Yeah.

488
00:30:47.000 --> 00:30:48.000
Oh, man.

489
00:30:48.000 --> 00:30:49.000
Yeah.

490
00:30:49.000 --> 00:30:57.000
How many times my wife has said, get out of your self-pity, man.

491
00:30:57.000 --> 00:31:10.000
Yeah. Used to make me angry. I guess at moments probably still has that times, but then I can step away from it and just hear the truth of what she's really given me is the gift of love and encouragement and truth about who I am and what God's called me to do.

492
00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:21.000
And I know the same is true of you just with like Liz is saying, Hey, there's a road less traveled here. If we're willing to embrace this, there's something beautiful and there's restoration and something amazing on the other side.

493
00:31:21.000 --> 00:31:22.000
Absolutely.

494
00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:23.000
Super awesome.

495
00:31:23.000 --> 00:31:33.000
Yeah. I love this chapter. I love this habit. I just say to everybody out there that this is, this is kind of a pivotal, this is a pivotal habit.

496
00:31:33.000 --> 00:31:34.000
I agree.

497
00:31:35.000 --> 00:31:47.000
In other words, if you don't get, if you don't get the habit of blessed and allies, you're going to have a real hard time with everything else in this book, because this is meant to be corporate.

498
00:31:47.000 --> 00:31:48.000
Yes.

499
00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:57.000
And I, I think we use the term for years, a personal relationship with Christ. And we make just even by that personal.

500
00:31:57.000 --> 00:31:58.000
Yeah.

501
00:31:58.000 --> 00:32:01.000
It sounds like it's just your individual individualistic.

502
00:32:01.000 --> 00:32:02.000
Right.

503
00:32:02.000 --> 00:32:03.000
Relationship with Christ.

504
00:32:03.000 --> 00:32:04.000
True.

505
00:32:04.000 --> 00:32:15.000
And I wonder if we shouldn't call it a corporate, you know, a corporate relationship with God, because that's when Jesus says, love the Lord, your God, with all of your heart, soul, mind, strength, and your neighbors yourself.

506
00:32:15.000 --> 00:32:31.000
And we talked about that in habit one, that that DNA, the DNA strand one on the kingdom is intimacy with Christ. But the DNA strand two was a great commandment of loving your neighbors yourself.

507
00:32:31.000 --> 00:32:43.000
Well, that's, that's learning to have bloodstained allies in our lives. And so for all of you out there, you're reading the book, or if you haven't gotten the book, you can on Amazon.

508
00:32:43.000 --> 00:32:59.000
But this one, this one's pretty huge, because to try to navigate these habits on your own is going to be a lot harder, take a lot longer, unless you have blessed and allies.

509
00:32:59.000 --> 00:33:00.000
That's right.

510
00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:13.000
You got to go, you got to go with the bloodstained allies part. And it can just be one or two people. I think Ryan and I have a group, we have a group of guys that we kind of depend on for different things. But that took a decade.

511
00:33:13.000 --> 00:33:14.000
That does.

512
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:16.000
That took a long time, but, but ask God.

513
00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:17.000
That's right.

514
00:33:17.000 --> 00:33:25.000
You need to ask God for some bloodstained allies. And, and then you have to develop them. You have to work at it and develop that in your life.

515
00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:34.000
Our prayer for you would be that very thing that God would start to develop and you would be able to identify with discernment who he's calling into this season to walk with you.

516
00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:35.000
That's right.

517
00:33:35.000 --> 00:33:40.000
You know, Breakthrough Courage is the title, but we're talking about courage comes from companionship.

518
00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:41.000
Amen.

519
00:33:41.000 --> 00:33:43.000
That's right off 54, page 54. It's so true.

520
00:33:43.000 --> 00:33:44.000
Yeah.

521
00:33:44.000 --> 00:33:45.000
And Jesus sent them out two by two.

522
00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:46.000
That's right.

523
00:33:46.000 --> 00:33:49.000
Right. And so we're not meant to walk alone. We're not meant to be desperados.

524
00:33:49.000 --> 00:34:02.000
That's right. So Paul had it, Peter had it, Jesus had it, Moses had it, Joshua had it, Jeremiah had it, and we could go through every major leader in the Bible.

525
00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:08.000
Daniel had it, with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed. I mean, we could just go through any of these and they all had bloodstained allies.

526
00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:15.000
So it's, it's a core teaching that hasn't been taught. We haven't, we don't teach it in the church.

527
00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:22.000
Right. I think that's what has been so enticing for those that are interested, like, oh, wow, this is important. And we actually need this.

528
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:23.000
That's right.

529
00:34:23.000 --> 00:34:34.000
So if you're identifying a bloodstained ally, look for them to be open to being vulnerable. They should practice empathy. And this version of empathy is different from sympathy.

530
00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:47.000
I used to confuse that. My wife helped me understand that one. And empathy, simply put, is, you know, you see somebody sitting in a pit. Sympathy is throwing them a rope. Empathy is climbing in the pit and sitting with them. Right?

531
00:34:47.000 --> 00:34:59.000
And then power. They need to be empowered. They need to be hearing from God, practicing a daily walk with Jesus so that when they speak into your life, you know, it's Holy Spirit ordained and you're going to need that from them.

532
00:34:59.000 --> 00:35:00.000
That's right.

533
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.000
And then lastly, endurance, are they in it for the marathon?

534
00:35:03.000 --> 00:35:05.260
Are they a sprinter with just for a season

535
00:35:05.260 --> 00:35:06.840
or are they gonna be in for the marathon?

536
00:35:06.840 --> 00:35:07.680
Good.

537
00:35:07.680 --> 00:35:08.500
So I love that, brother.

538
00:35:08.500 --> 00:35:12.520
Thank you so much for your vulnerability in Habit 3,

539
00:35:12.520 --> 00:35:15.200
this beautiful concept of walking it out,

540
00:35:15.200 --> 00:35:16.620
the richness of it.

541
00:35:16.620 --> 00:35:19.140
We just hope that God continues to bring in

542
00:35:19.140 --> 00:35:22.380
and will bring Blood St. Allies into your own lives.

543
00:35:22.380 --> 00:35:23.720
Thank you for joining us.

544
00:35:23.720 --> 00:35:28.040
We'll look to you for joining you again for Habit 4.

545
00:35:28.040 --> 00:35:28.940
See you next time.