WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:09.520 Okay, we are recording Monday, Men's Heart Check-In, Monday, March 31st, 2025. 2 00:00:09.520 --> 00:00:10.520 So here we are. 3 00:00:10.520 --> 00:00:14.840 We're about to share a link to a topic I think will be helpful tonight. 4 00:00:14.840 --> 00:00:16.520 Let me see if I can do this. 5 00:00:16.520 --> 00:00:24.800 I did this before, just got to find out where I did it at. 6 00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:27.800 Give me a second. 7 00:00:27.800 --> 00:00:28.800 Do-do-do-do-do. 8 00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:44.800 I will bring it up on my computer. 9 00:00:44.800 --> 00:00:56.200 It's good stuff, guys, by the way. 10 00:00:56.200 --> 00:00:57.200 There it is. 11 00:00:57.200 --> 00:01:12.440 Let me just put out a little bit of a volley here while I do this research. 12 00:01:12.440 --> 00:01:17.240 So I'm going to share, we'll get into discussion here in just a minute on guilt and shame and 13 00:01:17.240 --> 00:01:30.760 talk about how guilt and shame are not proper motivators in kingdom, in the kingdom. 14 00:01:30.760 --> 00:01:38.520 And not that they're not present for very specific situations, and we'll define that 15 00:01:38.520 --> 00:01:42.720 here in just a minute, but they're not proper motivators. 16 00:01:42.720 --> 00:01:49.920 In other words, when you want to change and you want to modify, get better, be a better 17 00:01:49.920 --> 00:01:58.200 whatever, father, husband, believer, follower, worker, friend, when you want to change things 18 00:01:58.200 --> 00:02:08.880 about yourself, guilt and shame have no value to be the driver or the motivator for change. 19 00:02:08.880 --> 00:02:10.240 And we'll talk about why that's true. 20 00:02:10.240 --> 00:02:15.720 There's a power that protrudes there, and maybe we can also identify some situations 21 00:02:15.720 --> 00:02:23.360 where we're still sort of leaning into that guilt and shame, besides the obvious, to where 22 00:02:23.360 --> 00:02:24.640 we can get some freedom from that. 23 00:02:24.640 --> 00:02:26.480 So that's a little bit of discussion tonight. 24 00:02:26.480 --> 00:02:28.640 But let me go around. 25 00:02:28.640 --> 00:02:34.880 Who wants to open up with some sort of win or some sort of like, hey, this is what God's 26 00:02:34.880 --> 00:02:35.880 doing. 27 00:02:35.880 --> 00:02:44.240 This is what, you know, got some victory, share, something's going on for them this 28 00:02:44.240 --> 00:02:45.240 week. 29 00:02:45.240 --> 00:02:47.640 Who wants to do that? 30 00:02:47.640 --> 00:02:49.200 I can kick us off, David. 31 00:02:49.200 --> 00:02:50.200 Thank you, Daniel. 32 00:02:50.200 --> 00:02:51.200 I appreciate it. 33 00:02:51.200 --> 00:02:52.200 Yeah. 34 00:02:52.200 --> 00:02:56.480 So, you know, this isn't going to sound like a victory at first, but I was going to let 35 00:02:56.480 --> 00:02:57.480 everybody know. 36 00:02:57.480 --> 00:03:02.560 So I've been in a level three relationship with another woman in the community. 37 00:03:02.560 --> 00:03:06.480 We actually ended that last Monday. 38 00:03:06.480 --> 00:03:12.640 And I'll say we ended things, it felt pretty amicable and pretty like a clean break. 39 00:03:12.640 --> 00:03:17.280 And I think it felt like the right move for both of us. 40 00:03:17.280 --> 00:03:23.280 And so I think one of the things I'm learning is that it does take a certain level of health 41 00:03:23.280 --> 00:03:30.680 to walk, to be willing to walk away from somebody who, you know, maybe we both like satisfied 42 00:03:30.680 --> 00:03:34.200 70% or 60% of what the other person was looking for. 43 00:03:34.200 --> 00:03:39.080 But it wasn't, you know, it just, it wasn't the right move for us to stay in the relationship. 44 00:03:39.080 --> 00:03:44.080 So just sharing that, been doing a lot of thinking and praying and reflecting. 45 00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:45.080 And it's been good. 46 00:03:45.080 --> 00:03:46.640 Yeah, it's been really good. 47 00:03:46.640 --> 00:03:52.360 I'm grateful for the relationship and the lessons that I've learned from it, though. 48 00:03:52.360 --> 00:03:56.160 What was the reason, did you get, I'm sorry, did you get into the reason for the breakup 49 00:03:56.160 --> 00:03:57.160 just now? 50 00:03:57.160 --> 00:03:59.080 No, not, no, not really. 51 00:03:59.080 --> 00:04:01.600 I was trying to avoid specifics. 52 00:04:01.600 --> 00:04:04.880 It kind of boiled down to us not really being able to give each other what the other person 53 00:04:04.880 --> 00:04:05.880 wanted. 54 00:04:05.880 --> 00:04:08.480 You know that we don't just relegate it to no specifics on this. 55 00:04:08.480 --> 00:04:10.280 You know better than that, Daniel. 56 00:04:10.280 --> 00:04:13.280 So what happened? 57 00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:14.840 Well, okay. 58 00:04:14.840 --> 00:04:19.200 So this, so we started, so it was long distance. 59 00:04:19.200 --> 00:04:20.240 I need to preface that. 60 00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:23.280 It was long distance. 61 00:04:23.280 --> 00:04:29.120 And I know, I know what Jackie teaches in, in like the phase two or whatever it is for 62 00:04:29.120 --> 00:04:34.840 the women in particular is that, you know, you both got to be in it to win it. 63 00:04:34.840 --> 00:04:39.720 And so she would, she was pretty adamant that her expectation was that I was going to, I 64 00:04:39.720 --> 00:04:45.080 was going to pay for everything and do like 90% of the planning, even, even when I was 65 00:04:45.080 --> 00:04:46.080 going to her. 66 00:04:46.080 --> 00:04:51.160 So, you know, I'm spending, spending a couple hundred dollars to fly down and then I'm making 67 00:04:51.160 --> 00:04:56.120 dates and, and you know, whining and dining and, you know, she wanted to go out to some 68 00:04:56.120 --> 00:04:59.400 pretty expensive places and. 69 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:02.000 What I explained to her was that I was really looking 70 00:05:02.000 --> 00:05:04.720 for more of a partner, somebody who was, 71 00:05:04.720 --> 00:05:07.280 I even said like, hey, you know, if we were married, 72 00:05:07.280 --> 00:05:08.880 I would want it, I think it would be fun 73 00:05:08.880 --> 00:05:11.840 for us to take turn planning the dates. 74 00:05:11.840 --> 00:05:13.760 You know, like, it's a gift, right? 75 00:05:13.760 --> 00:05:16.080 The experience is the gift that you're giving 76 00:05:16.080 --> 00:05:17.480 to your loved one. 77 00:05:17.480 --> 00:05:20.680 And she said she thought that she would be willing 78 00:05:20.680 --> 00:05:25.460 to plan like 20% of the dates if we were married, you know. 79 00:05:25.460 --> 00:05:26.880 And so it just kind of came, 80 00:05:27.400 --> 00:05:31.240 and then there was a certain level, you know, I noticed, 81 00:05:31.240 --> 00:05:33.680 one of the things I learned is that a relationship 82 00:05:33.680 --> 00:05:36.560 can feel secure in the beginning, 83 00:05:36.560 --> 00:05:39.800 but that doesn't necessarily mean 84 00:05:39.800 --> 00:05:43.680 that it's going to stay secure. 85 00:05:43.680 --> 00:05:48.480 And so I noticed, you know, some of her anxious, 86 00:05:48.480 --> 00:05:49.720 she started to feel anxious, 87 00:05:49.720 --> 00:05:51.140 and I actually started to feel avoidant, 88 00:05:51.140 --> 00:05:53.740 which was new for me, I felt a little bit avoidant. 89 00:05:54.740 --> 00:05:59.740 But anyway, where I was going with that was, 90 00:06:01.620 --> 00:06:03.980 it began to feel very one-sided. 91 00:06:03.980 --> 00:06:05.820 It didn't feel like we were both in it to win it, 92 00:06:05.820 --> 00:06:10.060 it was more about kind of like what I would do, 93 00:06:10.060 --> 00:06:11.540 what I could do and what I could bring 94 00:06:11.540 --> 00:06:13.540 and what I could pay for and provide. 95 00:06:13.540 --> 00:06:16.580 And I do think the man should be the provider, 96 00:06:16.580 --> 00:06:17.980 no doubt about that. 97 00:06:17.980 --> 00:06:20.620 I'm a single dad, I own my own home, 98 00:06:20.620 --> 00:06:23.300 I have a, you know, I have a career, 99 00:06:23.860 --> 00:06:25.060 so my ability to provide, 100 00:06:25.060 --> 00:06:27.260 I think I've clearly demonstrated 101 00:06:27.260 --> 00:06:29.660 throughout the duration of our relationship. 102 00:06:29.660 --> 00:06:34.660 But she really, it kind of came to a head last week, 103 00:06:34.740 --> 00:06:37.140 because we had been, you know, 104 00:06:37.140 --> 00:06:40.220 including level two and level three, 105 00:06:40.220 --> 00:06:43.300 you know, we'd been dating for about four months 106 00:06:43.300 --> 00:06:46.100 at that point, and she really wanted the security 107 00:06:46.100 --> 00:06:50.260 of knowing when she was going to see me next. 108 00:06:50.260 --> 00:06:51.780 And I just said like, hey, listen, 109 00:06:51.780 --> 00:06:53.580 I really think we need to figure this out 110 00:06:53.580 --> 00:06:56.380 before we continue to invest in the relationship 111 00:06:56.380 --> 00:06:58.660 and get more and more attached, 112 00:06:58.660 --> 00:07:03.660 because the dynamic as it stands today is a deal breaker. 113 00:07:04.500 --> 00:07:06.060 And I've been clear about that. 114 00:07:06.060 --> 00:07:08.700 I've been clear about that for four months now. 115 00:07:08.700 --> 00:07:12.380 And, you know, she was like, well, you know, 116 00:07:13.620 --> 00:07:14.980 let's just keep, it was kind of like, 117 00:07:14.980 --> 00:07:16.180 let's just keep having fun 118 00:07:16.180 --> 00:07:17.740 and keep getting to know each other 119 00:07:17.740 --> 00:07:20.260 and it'll eventually work itself out. 120 00:07:20.260 --> 00:07:23.180 And, you know, one of the things that I've learned 121 00:07:23.180 --> 00:07:25.700 is like, you don't date for potential. 122 00:07:25.700 --> 00:07:27.500 You know, if somebody is going to, 123 00:07:28.580 --> 00:07:31.140 you don't date trying to change a person 124 00:07:31.140 --> 00:07:33.500 because that's not love, right? 125 00:07:34.860 --> 00:07:37.180 And so she wanted, last week, 126 00:07:37.180 --> 00:07:39.940 she wanted to know when she could see me next. 127 00:07:39.940 --> 00:07:42.260 I wanted to get like maybe a counselor 128 00:07:42.260 --> 00:07:45.660 or a relationship coach involved 129 00:07:45.660 --> 00:07:47.980 to help clarify the relationship. 130 00:07:47.980 --> 00:07:50.260 And she kind of gave me an ultimatum. 131 00:07:50.260 --> 00:07:51.780 She said, you know, 132 00:07:51.780 --> 00:07:53.300 if I don't know when I'm going to see you next, 133 00:07:53.300 --> 00:07:56.300 I don't think I can stay in this relationship. 134 00:07:56.300 --> 00:07:57.140 And I told her, I said, 135 00:07:57.140 --> 00:07:59.980 well, that does feel like an awful lot, like an ultimatum. 136 00:07:59.980 --> 00:08:03.060 And so at this point, if I agree to, you know, 137 00:08:03.060 --> 00:08:05.540 for you to book tickets in three weeks, 138 00:08:05.540 --> 00:08:06.540 it's not going to be able to trust 139 00:08:06.540 --> 00:08:08.060 that that was a genuine yes. 140 00:08:09.540 --> 00:08:12.180 And so she just, it was kind of abrupt, 141 00:08:12.180 --> 00:08:14.260 but she's like, well, then I wish you well. 142 00:08:14.260 --> 00:08:16.660 And it was, that was it. 143 00:08:16.660 --> 00:08:18.860 So she broke it off or you broke it off 144 00:08:18.860 --> 00:08:22.460 or she was the one, like technically like the first two, 145 00:08:22.460 --> 00:08:27.100 like this is it, call it, throw the towel over. 146 00:08:27.100 --> 00:08:29.420 Yeah, so I hadn't told her 147 00:08:29.420 --> 00:08:32.700 that I had contacted Jackie for individual coaching. 148 00:08:32.700 --> 00:08:33.740 Right. 149 00:08:33.740 --> 00:08:36.179 When I returned from my last visit, 150 00:08:36.179 --> 00:08:37.419 I told Jackie, I was like, 151 00:08:37.419 --> 00:08:40.220 hey, I have four major concerns. 152 00:08:40.220 --> 00:08:43.860 I have, you know, this misalignment on expectations 153 00:08:43.860 --> 00:08:45.540 for roles in the relationship. 154 00:08:46.500 --> 00:08:51.060 She, there was some behavior, manner type stuff. 155 00:08:51.060 --> 00:08:51.900 Right. 156 00:08:51.900 --> 00:08:55.620 The relationship actually started feeling superficial 157 00:08:55.620 --> 00:08:59.220 when I stopped going on Instagram. 158 00:08:59.220 --> 00:09:02.540 And then I was feeling less and less heard. 159 00:09:02.540 --> 00:09:05.260 I would say like, hey, here's what I need. 160 00:09:05.260 --> 00:09:08.180 And she would say like, oh, I hear you, 161 00:09:08.180 --> 00:09:10.380 but here's what I need. 162 00:09:10.380 --> 00:09:12.020 And it was always this like, 163 00:09:12.020 --> 00:09:14.460 there was, it didn't feel like there was a genuine hearing 164 00:09:14.900 --> 00:09:17.020 of like what I needed in the relationship. 165 00:09:17.940 --> 00:09:21.380 And again, it's not all about one person's needs being met, 166 00:09:21.380 --> 00:09:22.860 but it's about a mutual willingness 167 00:09:22.860 --> 00:09:24.540 to meet one another's needs. 168 00:09:24.540 --> 00:09:25.380 And- 169 00:09:25.380 --> 00:09:26.860 I know Jackie asked you, 170 00:09:26.860 --> 00:09:29.300 I know Jackie asked you both the same question 171 00:09:29.300 --> 00:09:31.540 because I do know a little bit of background too. 172 00:09:31.540 --> 00:09:33.980 Like, cause I hear things, you know, 173 00:09:33.980 --> 00:09:36.340 when Jackie has these conversations every once in a while 174 00:09:36.340 --> 00:09:37.700 and I don't always hear the whole story, 175 00:09:37.700 --> 00:09:40.300 but I know she asked both of you, 176 00:09:40.300 --> 00:09:41.700 I think this is the same question, 177 00:09:41.700 --> 00:09:43.940 which is like, when this happened, 178 00:09:44.420 --> 00:09:49.420 was this more of a, like a sad situation, disappointment, 179 00:09:49.740 --> 00:09:51.860 or was it more of a relief? 180 00:09:51.860 --> 00:09:53.700 So what was your answer on that one? 181 00:09:54.780 --> 00:09:56.420 I think when she asked the question, 182 00:09:56.420 --> 00:10:01.420 it was like, you know, 70% relief, 30% relief. 183 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:05.000 I'd say it's probably 90% relief, 10% sad at this point. 184 00:10:05.000 --> 00:10:06.800 Oh, no, okay, okay. 185 00:10:06.800 --> 00:10:07.640 Yeah. 186 00:10:07.640 --> 00:10:08.480 And she's, I mean, she's- 187 00:10:08.480 --> 00:10:09.520 Yeah, no, I mean, it sounds like, you know, 188 00:10:09.520 --> 00:10:12.200 I think that's kind of what Jackie was saying earlier 189 00:10:12.200 --> 00:10:13.400 to, you know, to both of you, 190 00:10:13.400 --> 00:10:16.160 is it kind of sounds like it was definitely a situation, 191 00:10:16.160 --> 00:10:18.080 very on the surface, definitely a situation 192 00:10:18.080 --> 00:10:22.700 where what we call poking each other's orphan, 193 00:10:22.700 --> 00:10:24.600 you know, some things, you know, 194 00:10:24.600 --> 00:10:28.240 that happens from time to time in these situations. 195 00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:31.720 And it just comes to a point where it's kind of like, 196 00:10:31.720 --> 00:10:32.800 we say this a lot of times, 197 00:10:32.800 --> 00:10:34.520 it's like, it's a yes until it's a no. 198 00:10:34.520 --> 00:10:36.720 And it looks like you came to a no, 199 00:10:36.720 --> 00:10:39.920 at least in the meantime, right now, 200 00:10:39.920 --> 00:10:42.060 notwithstanding what might change 201 00:10:42.060 --> 00:10:45.240 or might be different in the future, you know. 202 00:10:45.240 --> 00:10:50.240 And it sounds like there's some immaturity there 203 00:10:50.400 --> 00:10:53.800 that is driving some of these objections 204 00:10:53.800 --> 00:10:55.800 and different things that she's, you know, 205 00:10:55.800 --> 00:10:57.840 that she's dealing with and has. 206 00:10:58.440 --> 00:11:00.520 Anybody else have a comment? 207 00:11:00.520 --> 00:11:03.040 Mike, I'm just kind of like, just sounding board, 208 00:11:03.040 --> 00:11:05.660 kind of like what you're hearing Daniel saying. 209 00:11:07.960 --> 00:11:09.360 Well, I'd say, you know, 210 00:11:09.360 --> 00:11:11.960 the thing about the date planning thing, you know, 211 00:11:11.960 --> 00:11:15.200 I kind of resonate on that. 212 00:11:15.200 --> 00:11:16.640 The date planning? 213 00:11:16.640 --> 00:11:17.840 The date planning. 214 00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:19.120 Oh, date plan, I'm sorry. 215 00:11:20.840 --> 00:11:23.360 I was like, we're already at that stage? 216 00:11:23.360 --> 00:11:24.480 I'm just kidding. 217 00:11:24.480 --> 00:11:29.480 Because like, personally, I'm the type of person 218 00:11:30.240 --> 00:11:33.920 that like, I would actually prefer to plan 219 00:11:33.920 --> 00:11:37.200 like 20% or less of the dates as a man. 220 00:11:37.200 --> 00:11:41.600 Like it's 50%, like it's probably reasonable, 221 00:11:41.600 --> 00:11:44.080 but it's like, if she was wanting me 222 00:11:44.080 --> 00:11:46.840 to plan all the dates, like, that's just a no-go for me. 223 00:11:46.840 --> 00:11:50.080 Like, I just, I'm running out of ideas as it is. 224 00:11:50.080 --> 00:11:52.480 It's like, that would not be sustainable 225 00:11:52.480 --> 00:11:55.320 for me to be expected to do everything like that. 226 00:11:55.320 --> 00:11:58.000 That just would not work at all in my, 227 00:11:58.000 --> 00:12:01.040 so I can really see how, you know. 228 00:12:02.600 --> 00:12:03.640 That can be challenging. 229 00:12:03.640 --> 00:12:06.080 That can be challenging, yeah. 230 00:12:06.080 --> 00:12:06.920 Anybody else? 231 00:12:06.920 --> 00:12:08.280 Feedback for Daniel? 232 00:12:10.200 --> 00:12:12.220 Hi, David and Daniel, Stefan here. 233 00:12:13.280 --> 00:12:18.280 I'm also long distance dating only for two months or so, 234 00:12:18.400 --> 00:12:19.240 level three. 235 00:12:19.240 --> 00:12:21.880 And what we've discovered and did with, 236 00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:24.240 in terms of communication is Emargo. 237 00:12:24.240 --> 00:12:25.280 You can Google it. 238 00:12:25.280 --> 00:12:28.840 There's steps to, and it's unfortunate, Daniel, 239 00:12:28.840 --> 00:12:32.520 that you've broken up already and haven't gotten this tool, 240 00:12:32.520 --> 00:12:35.800 but it's really cool where it's simple three steps, 241 00:12:35.800 --> 00:12:39.440 basically just saying, giving each other space 242 00:12:39.440 --> 00:12:40.720 and talking through things. 243 00:12:40.720 --> 00:12:43.920 And then the other person needs to share their heart 244 00:12:43.920 --> 00:12:46.600 and what they hear and do they understand. 245 00:12:46.600 --> 00:12:49.560 And it's all about connection and understanding 246 00:12:49.560 --> 00:12:51.160 what the other person is saying. 247 00:12:51.200 --> 00:12:53.080 It's not really resolving any issues, 248 00:12:53.080 --> 00:12:55.200 but as soon as you have a connection, 249 00:12:55.200 --> 00:12:56.240 we'll understand. 250 00:12:57.760 --> 00:13:02.760 The resolution sort of comes forth, say naturally, 251 00:13:03.200 --> 00:13:06.360 not really, but it gives you a really good platform 252 00:13:06.360 --> 00:13:08.360 to discuss difficult things. 253 00:13:08.360 --> 00:13:09.360 What do you call that? 254 00:13:09.360 --> 00:13:11.440 What do you call that strategy? 255 00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:12.280 Emargo. 256 00:13:13.360 --> 00:13:15.640 I'll quickly find a link for you. 257 00:13:15.640 --> 00:13:16.840 There's loads of it on there. 258 00:13:16.840 --> 00:13:20.280 Is that where you like actually agree on a set time to talk 259 00:13:20.280 --> 00:13:23.280 and then there's like a formula of like, when you do X, 260 00:13:23.280 --> 00:13:26.680 I feel Y, what I need is Z. 261 00:13:26.680 --> 00:13:28.600 Yeah, it's pretty much that. 262 00:13:28.600 --> 00:13:29.440 Yeah. 263 00:13:31.480 --> 00:13:34.360 What I hear you saying is X. 264 00:13:34.360 --> 00:13:35.480 That's correct, yes. 265 00:13:35.480 --> 00:13:38.200 And then you have time to correct it 266 00:13:38.200 --> 00:13:39.920 and explain what you actually meant 267 00:13:39.920 --> 00:13:42.640 if they didn't respond correctly back 268 00:13:42.640 --> 00:13:45.600 or didn't understand you 100%. 269 00:13:45.600 --> 00:13:46.720 Yeah. 270 00:13:46.720 --> 00:13:48.640 Did you manage to do that? 271 00:13:48.640 --> 00:13:49.480 Did you guys- 272 00:13:49.840 --> 00:13:52.120 Yeah, when we would have like a disagreement, 273 00:13:52.120 --> 00:13:55.080 I would be like, what I hear you saying is 274 00:13:55.080 --> 00:13:58.640 you want a partner who is committed to long-term health. 275 00:13:58.640 --> 00:14:01.080 And she'd be like, yeah, exactly. 276 00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:02.280 So we did try that. 277 00:14:02.280 --> 00:14:05.600 We didn't bring out like an emargo checklist. 278 00:14:05.600 --> 00:14:07.240 That might've been helpful. 279 00:14:07.240 --> 00:14:08.440 Yeah. 280 00:14:08.440 --> 00:14:10.160 I think ultimately it boiled down 281 00:14:10.160 --> 00:14:12.000 to just a big misalignment 282 00:14:12.000 --> 00:14:15.720 of what we expected a relationship to look like. 283 00:14:15.720 --> 00:14:18.840 And I think we both felt like 284 00:14:18.840 --> 00:14:19.920 we needed to just walk away 285 00:14:19.920 --> 00:14:22.640 because we weren't going to get our needs met. 286 00:14:22.640 --> 00:14:23.480 Yeah. 287 00:14:25.480 --> 00:14:28.200 And sometimes, you know, in like in a relationship 288 00:14:28.200 --> 00:14:31.800 when you're into an actual marriage relationship, 289 00:14:34.720 --> 00:14:39.080 you sometimes have to put your swords down 290 00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:41.520 and like, hey, this is probably, 291 00:14:41.520 --> 00:14:44.360 there's probably a better time to have this discussion. 292 00:14:44.360 --> 00:14:46.640 Of course, when you're in a marriage relationship, 293 00:14:46.640 --> 00:14:47.480 you're in it. 294 00:14:47.480 --> 00:14:48.480 And so you're already in it. 295 00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:50.040 You've already made that level of commitment. 296 00:14:50.040 --> 00:14:52.160 So it's, you're not walking away from each other 297 00:14:52.160 --> 00:14:55.360 like permanently, but you are giving a time out 298 00:14:55.360 --> 00:14:57.560 to like say, hey, tempers are flaring. 299 00:14:57.560 --> 00:15:00.080 This is like, you know, this is situationally not. 300 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.400 the most healthy way to have this conversation. 301 00:15:03.400 --> 00:15:08.840 And that's a reality as well in any relationship. 302 00:15:08.840 --> 00:15:15.160 But yeah, if you have a link for that, Stefan, that'd be great. 303 00:15:15.160 --> 00:15:17.760 Share that, because I don't know what that resource is. 304 00:15:17.760 --> 00:15:20.760 I'm not endorsing it, but I'm just curious. 305 00:15:20.760 --> 00:15:24.400 And yeah, I've heard, really, my best friend's 306 00:15:24.400 --> 00:15:27.240 been doing that with his ex. 307 00:15:27.240 --> 00:15:29.880 But they were in divorce, and that helped. 308 00:15:29.880 --> 00:15:31.120 We should give them the tools. 309 00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:31.960 I'll take that down. 310 00:15:31.960 --> 00:15:32.760 It's not that hard. 311 00:15:32.760 --> 00:15:33.560 It's not that hard. 312 00:15:33.560 --> 00:15:36.040 It's not that hard to divorce. 313 00:15:36.040 --> 00:15:37.840 The amogus. 314 00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:41.200 But I just wanted to say, Daniel, I'm proud of you. 315 00:15:41.200 --> 00:15:45.080 Like, dude, I mean, you stood up for yourself. 316 00:15:45.080 --> 00:15:46.640 You loved yourself well. 317 00:15:46.640 --> 00:15:47.920 You kept boundaries. 318 00:15:47.920 --> 00:15:49.160 Thank you. 319 00:15:49.160 --> 00:15:53.920 You expressed what you needed, and she couldn't beat it. 320 00:15:53.920 --> 00:15:56.480 And I think you were tracking on some things 321 00:15:57.440 --> 00:16:00.320 that if they were bothering you after four months, 322 00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:02.600 like, you want a partner. 323 00:16:02.600 --> 00:16:03.440 I mean, I don't know. 324 00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:06.200 A lot of people, well, let me phrase that. 325 00:16:06.200 --> 00:16:07.080 I want a partner. 326 00:16:07.080 --> 00:16:10.600 I want somebody to partner within the relationship. 327 00:16:10.600 --> 00:16:13.680 And not, I mean, because I've had the catering relationship 328 00:16:13.680 --> 00:16:16.360 where I cater to somebody. 329 00:16:16.360 --> 00:16:19.400 And it's codependent kind of dynamics, 330 00:16:19.400 --> 00:16:21.200 and it didn't work super well. 331 00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:22.640 So I just said, good job. 332 00:16:22.640 --> 00:16:24.040 I'm sorry. 333 00:16:24.840 --> 00:16:27.200 But I just, I love how you went through it, 334 00:16:27.200 --> 00:16:28.600 and you were expressive. 335 00:16:28.600 --> 00:16:31.120 And you, like, you didn't run from it, right? 336 00:16:31.120 --> 00:16:33.960 A lot of people would, you didn't people please. 337 00:16:33.960 --> 00:16:36.840 Or you didn't just cower. 338 00:16:36.840 --> 00:16:38.720 So great job. 339 00:16:38.720 --> 00:16:39.560 Way to go. 340 00:16:39.560 --> 00:16:40.400 Yeah, that's the other thing, too. 341 00:16:40.400 --> 00:16:44.040 It's very hard to, like, if you're, 342 00:16:45.040 --> 00:16:50.120 you know, really feeling emotional 343 00:16:50.120 --> 00:16:52.320 about connecting with somebody, 344 00:16:53.320 --> 00:16:56.240 and sort of like anybody sort of situation, 345 00:16:56.240 --> 00:16:57.080 kind of like that. 346 00:16:57.080 --> 00:17:00.040 Really, you're, like, really wanting to make this happen. 347 00:17:00.040 --> 00:17:03.600 You know, a lot of individuals will kind of, like, 348 00:17:03.600 --> 00:17:06.280 do whatever's necessary at all costs 349 00:17:06.280 --> 00:17:07.440 to make the relationship work, 350 00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:10.000 because they are, dare I say it, 351 00:17:10.000 --> 00:17:12.640 desperate for the relationship. 352 00:17:12.640 --> 00:17:16.520 But obviously, you don't want to partner 353 00:17:18.560 --> 00:17:21.160 with the wrong person. 354 00:17:21.319 --> 00:17:22.359 And I hate to say it that way, 355 00:17:22.359 --> 00:17:23.839 because, like, that's such a, 356 00:17:23.839 --> 00:17:28.840 that's such a, that's such a sticky point in our community, 357 00:17:30.920 --> 00:17:34.080 because, you know, everybody's looking for the right one, 358 00:17:34.080 --> 00:17:35.480 you know, and then that can be, 359 00:17:35.480 --> 00:17:40.480 that can be a huge, huge, like, stumbling block, 360 00:17:40.680 --> 00:17:44.240 or like, you know, the incorrect sort of gatekeeping, 361 00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:47.800 because, you know, there technically isn't the right one. 362 00:17:47.800 --> 00:17:48.800 You know? Yeah. 363 00:17:48.800 --> 00:17:50.720 We teach in last year's single, 364 00:17:50.720 --> 00:17:53.400 there isn't one, you know, who is, like, the one. 365 00:17:54.360 --> 00:17:57.640 So, because nobody can live up to that standard. 366 00:17:57.640 --> 00:17:59.640 So I don't want to, you know, push that. 367 00:17:59.640 --> 00:18:01.640 But at the same time, you don't want to, 368 00:18:03.320 --> 00:18:05.080 you don't want to make the choice 369 00:18:05.080 --> 00:18:07.040 just because there's a person in, 370 00:18:07.040 --> 00:18:09.520 that's great on a lot of ways, 371 00:18:09.520 --> 00:18:12.280 but now you're compromising. 372 00:18:12.280 --> 00:18:13.240 So there's that line. 373 00:18:13.240 --> 00:18:15.080 It's just like, you know, what are the, 374 00:18:15.080 --> 00:18:20.080 so what's good about this is that it was a yes 375 00:18:20.560 --> 00:18:23.800 until it became a no, and it definitely became a no, 376 00:18:23.800 --> 00:18:25.720 but it doesn't ever have to stay a no 377 00:18:25.720 --> 00:18:27.600 because things can change. 378 00:18:27.600 --> 00:18:29.280 Because I think you guys, you know, 379 00:18:29.280 --> 00:18:32.480 I know you're relieved now, 90%, like, even more so. 380 00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:35.600 And so it may never come back to that situation. 381 00:18:35.600 --> 00:18:38.320 But who knows? 382 00:18:38.320 --> 00:18:39.840 Stranger things have happened. 383 00:18:39.840 --> 00:18:42.560 But at the same time, you're moving on, and that's good. 384 00:18:42.560 --> 00:18:46.640 Seems like she's moving on as well, and that's good too. 385 00:18:46.640 --> 00:18:50.320 So I echo the same sentiments as all the other guys. 386 00:18:50.320 --> 00:18:52.120 Bravo, Anya. 387 00:18:52.120 --> 00:18:52.960 Thanks, guys. 388 00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:53.800 I appreciate it. 389 00:18:53.800 --> 00:18:54.640 It's not easy. 390 00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:55.720 It's not easy to, like, lay that down and go, 391 00:18:55.720 --> 00:18:59.520 man, I really found somebody who was gelling with, 392 00:18:59.520 --> 00:19:03.280 and then all of a sudden it seemed like to fall apart. 393 00:19:03.280 --> 00:19:05.120 So that's hard. 394 00:19:05.120 --> 00:19:07.120 Yeah, I appreciate the encouragement, gents. 395 00:19:07.120 --> 00:19:10.440 There's great tragedies in the world too, anyways. 396 00:19:10.440 --> 00:19:12.360 Remember, there's great tragedy. 397 00:19:12.360 --> 00:19:13.200 It's great. 398 00:19:14.200 --> 00:19:17.520 Guys, so did that link work? 399 00:19:17.520 --> 00:19:18.480 I sent that. 400 00:19:18.480 --> 00:19:21.960 Someone said it worked. 401 00:19:21.960 --> 00:19:25.280 I shared a link in the chat up there 402 00:19:25.280 --> 00:19:31.200 to a PDF that some notes that I had written down. 403 00:19:31.200 --> 00:19:32.960 Anybody? 404 00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:34.640 Yeah, I'm opening it. 405 00:19:34.640 --> 00:19:37.320 Yeah, it worked. 406 00:19:37.320 --> 00:19:42.280 So last week, lots of things have happened this week 407 00:19:42.440 --> 00:19:43.480 and last week. 408 00:19:43.480 --> 00:19:46.280 Last week, when we, Jackie and I, 409 00:19:46.280 --> 00:19:48.000 and my daughter and my son-in-law, 410 00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:50.720 we were in New Jersey, New York area, 411 00:19:50.720 --> 00:19:52.720 and we did a singles conference, and that was pretty cool. 412 00:19:52.720 --> 00:19:54.320 We do those from time to time. 413 00:19:54.320 --> 00:19:55.480 I was there. 414 00:19:55.480 --> 00:19:57.400 So yeah, Hunter was there. 415 00:19:57.400 --> 00:20:00.080 We saw Hunter, and David was there. 416 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.240 from Henshaw. 417 00:20:03.240 --> 00:20:05.280 Met David in person, that was kinda cool. 418 00:20:05.280 --> 00:20:06.600 Good, David. 419 00:20:06.600 --> 00:20:08.120 I saw him too. 420 00:20:08.120 --> 00:20:08.960 That was cool. 421 00:20:10.880 --> 00:20:13.440 And so, anybody else? 422 00:20:13.440 --> 00:20:15.560 Is there anybody else on this call that was there? 423 00:20:15.560 --> 00:20:16.600 I have a win. 424 00:20:18.080 --> 00:20:18.920 I'm sorry? 425 00:20:18.920 --> 00:20:20.040 I have a win too. 426 00:20:21.280 --> 00:20:22.720 Okay, what's your win, Hunter? 427 00:20:22.720 --> 00:20:26.800 Well, the truth is, I can see why I've been single 428 00:20:26.800 --> 00:20:29.640 this time is basically looking, 429 00:20:29.640 --> 00:20:31.600 all this time I've been thinking about 430 00:20:31.600 --> 00:20:33.360 being motivated to go look for a woman, 431 00:20:33.360 --> 00:20:35.480 be in a relationship, and have these dreams 432 00:20:35.480 --> 00:20:37.200 only because I'm motivated 433 00:20:37.200 --> 00:20:39.320 because I've gained something out of it. 434 00:20:39.320 --> 00:20:40.920 Like, for example, you want, 435 00:20:40.920 --> 00:20:42.480 like, for example, you gotta have, 436 00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:44.400 in order to have sex, you gotta be married. 437 00:20:44.400 --> 00:20:45.960 So I figure, you know what? 438 00:20:45.960 --> 00:20:48.680 I'm gonna, if I want sex, I gotta marry and earn it. 439 00:20:48.680 --> 00:20:51.840 But of course, that's just a form of motivation 440 00:20:51.840 --> 00:20:54.400 that involves you going into the relationship 441 00:20:54.400 --> 00:20:57.320 to get something because there's something in it for you. 442 00:20:57.320 --> 00:20:58.640 Now, there's nothing wrong with this move, 443 00:20:58.640 --> 00:21:00.280 like going out and getting a job, 444 00:21:00.280 --> 00:21:03.880 but a relationship is kind of like, it's more complex. 445 00:21:03.880 --> 00:21:04.800 You need more than that. 446 00:21:04.800 --> 00:21:05.920 You need an extra layer. 447 00:21:05.920 --> 00:21:08.000 Like, you want to be in the relationship 448 00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:09.320 but go seriously more 449 00:21:09.320 --> 00:21:12.240 because you want to be interested in that person. 450 00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:13.560 And I'm trying to learn to do that. 451 00:21:13.560 --> 00:21:16.880 I just try to build, try to make the person feel good. 452 00:21:16.880 --> 00:21:19.480 And did I tell you that my last level three relationship 453 00:21:19.480 --> 00:21:22.760 was bad because I didn't like this person's behavior? 454 00:21:22.760 --> 00:21:25.640 I think it's God saying, you don't like how she behave, 455 00:21:25.640 --> 00:21:27.200 don't behave like that towards her. 456 00:21:27.200 --> 00:21:29.240 Because rather than saying, okay, how I do this, 457 00:21:29.240 --> 00:21:32.320 how I do that, just think about how would you feel 458 00:21:32.320 --> 00:21:34.840 and make the other person feel like that. 459 00:21:34.840 --> 00:21:36.160 Yeah. 460 00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:37.520 So the win there? 461 00:21:37.520 --> 00:21:40.240 Was that the win is that I figured out 462 00:21:40.240 --> 00:21:41.800 what would have been my problem, 463 00:21:41.800 --> 00:21:43.560 that I'm gonna start doing that for now 464 00:21:43.560 --> 00:21:46.720 and not make it a motive because, not be motivated 465 00:21:46.720 --> 00:21:49.480 because there's something, I'll get something out of it. 466 00:21:49.480 --> 00:21:51.520 I want to do it because you want to build 467 00:21:51.520 --> 00:21:53.720 something intimate with someone. 468 00:21:53.720 --> 00:21:54.560 Yeah, yeah. 469 00:21:54.560 --> 00:21:55.400 Absolutely, absolutely. 470 00:21:55.400 --> 00:21:56.280 I love that. 471 00:21:56.280 --> 00:21:59.960 Thank you for sharing Hunter, appreciate that so much. 472 00:21:59.960 --> 00:22:02.920 And I'm probably gonna get into a little bit of touching 473 00:22:02.920 --> 00:22:06.080 on that here in just a minute and what we're talking about. 474 00:22:07.440 --> 00:22:09.120 Like I said, last week we were at a conference 475 00:22:09.120 --> 00:22:12.640 and we did a breakout session. 476 00:22:12.640 --> 00:22:13.760 And we do usually do this, 477 00:22:13.760 --> 00:22:14.960 when we do the singles conference, 478 00:22:14.960 --> 00:22:17.640 we do like men and women and we never have enough time. 479 00:22:17.640 --> 00:22:21.840 It's always like, we do sort of like start in the afternoon. 480 00:22:21.840 --> 00:22:25.160 Jackie usually lays a foundation for kind of like 481 00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:28.280 what the, what's sort of like what's on her heart. 482 00:22:28.280 --> 00:22:31.040 But at the same time, a lot of people are seeing her 483 00:22:31.040 --> 00:22:34.400 for the first time, kind of just explaining what it is 484 00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:35.640 that we do with last year's single. 485 00:22:35.640 --> 00:22:37.680 But it's not necessarily just about last year's single, 486 00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:40.520 but it's just about sort of sharing the message of like, 487 00:22:43.040 --> 00:22:47.120 God's reason for family, God's reason for legacy, 488 00:22:47.120 --> 00:22:49.640 sort of giving a foundation to marriage and family 489 00:22:49.640 --> 00:22:50.720 and why that's important. 490 00:22:50.720 --> 00:22:55.000 And really speaking to singles 491 00:22:55.840 --> 00:22:57.840 and where they're at and what's going on. 492 00:22:59.560 --> 00:23:01.360 And a lot of it comes from, of course, 493 00:23:01.360 --> 00:23:03.920 that the book she wrote, Married in 12 Months or Less, 494 00:23:03.920 --> 00:23:05.440 which is, I don't know if you, 495 00:23:05.440 --> 00:23:07.520 have you guys, anybody on this call, 496 00:23:07.520 --> 00:23:10.240 men have read the book Married in 12 Months or Less? 497 00:23:10.240 --> 00:23:11.200 Thomas has read it. 498 00:23:12.120 --> 00:23:14.920 Anybody else read the book Married in 12 Months or Less? 499 00:23:16.320 --> 00:23:17.160 Chris? 500 00:23:18.160 --> 00:23:19.000 Okay. 501 00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:25.000 I mean, it's primarily written to a feminine audience, 502 00:23:25.360 --> 00:23:27.680 but it's definitely appropriate. 503 00:23:28.640 --> 00:23:30.880 Hopefully Thomas and Chris can back me up a little bit. 504 00:23:30.880 --> 00:23:34.240 Definitely appropriate to understand the divine feminine, 505 00:23:34.240 --> 00:23:36.520 the divine masculine as well. 506 00:23:36.520 --> 00:23:40.520 Because a little bit of like, even historical, 507 00:23:40.520 --> 00:23:43.520 like going back even to the garden of like, 508 00:23:43.520 --> 00:23:44.960 the foundation of like, 509 00:23:44.960 --> 00:23:47.520 how do we get to where we're at today 510 00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:50.240 in terms of this relationship between men and women 511 00:23:50.240 --> 00:23:53.440 and this ultimate relationship being marriage 512 00:23:53.440 --> 00:23:54.920 in this institution and all this stuff. 513 00:23:54.920 --> 00:23:58.760 So it's a good read, it's a good foundational stuff. 514 00:23:58.760 --> 00:24:00.080 And then we have these breakout sessions 515 00:24:00.080 --> 00:24:02.080 and in the breakout session for the men, 516 00:24:03.840 --> 00:24:05.440 I went into the question, 517 00:24:05.440 --> 00:24:07.560 we've explored this a lot on this call, 518 00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:12.720 the big question, which is, what is, what do you want? 519 00:24:13.800 --> 00:24:16.120 Getting into like, that is like the heart of the matter. 520 00:24:16.120 --> 00:24:17.040 Like, what do you want? 521 00:24:17.560 --> 00:24:18.480 What do you want now? 522 00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:19.840 What do you want in this season? 523 00:24:19.840 --> 00:24:22.680 And then what do you want like overall, like in life? 524 00:24:22.680 --> 00:24:26.240 And if you can really, really, really continue to focus 525 00:24:26.240 --> 00:24:29.440 on those questions, not from a selfish standpoint 526 00:24:29.440 --> 00:24:30.840 or an unrighteous standpoint, 527 00:24:30.840 --> 00:24:32.640 we're not out here trying to be like, 528 00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:35.960 illicit gamblers or anything like that. 529 00:24:35.960 --> 00:24:36.800 It's not like that. 530 00:24:36.800 --> 00:24:38.600 We're just trying to literally answer the question, 531 00:24:38.600 --> 00:24:39.840 what do you want? 532 00:24:40.680 --> 00:24:42.120 And if you can define that, 533 00:24:42.120 --> 00:24:45.560 what that helps you do is it helps you get clarity 534 00:24:45.560 --> 00:24:48.440 about what to do. 535 00:24:48.440 --> 00:24:51.800 Because, you know, the big question, especially with men, 536 00:24:51.800 --> 00:24:53.880 but I think with all people, but with men especially, 537 00:24:53.880 --> 00:24:56.200 is like, what am I supposed to do with my life? 538 00:24:56.200 --> 00:24:57.160 What am I supposed to do? 539 00:24:57.160 --> 00:24:58.440 Like, how am I supposed to act? 540 00:24:58.440 --> 00:24:59.360 What am I supposed to be? 541 00:24:59.360 --> 00:25:00.360 You know, what am I? 542 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.520 as opposed to like, what role do I play? 543 00:25:02.520 --> 00:25:03.880 Those are, these are the big questions. 544 00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:06.280 Even though you might not be asking those questions 545 00:25:06.280 --> 00:25:11.000 to yourself daily, it's still, it's definitely like 546 00:25:11.000 --> 00:25:12.080 throughout your whole life, 547 00:25:12.080 --> 00:25:15.160 you're constantly coming back to this, who am I? 548 00:25:15.160 --> 00:25:16.160 What am I doing? 549 00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:17.560 What am I, where am I going? 550 00:25:17.560 --> 00:25:20.280 And there might be temporary seasons where you're like, 551 00:25:20.280 --> 00:25:21.760 I'm involved in this and this is what I do 552 00:25:21.760 --> 00:25:26.300 and I'm in a routine, but inevitably you always come back 553 00:25:26.300 --> 00:25:29.600 to some sort of like inconsistency or lack 554 00:25:29.840 --> 00:25:31.520 or something's not, you know, 555 00:25:31.520 --> 00:25:34.400 this isn't everything I wanted my life to be. 556 00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:36.600 And so you come to those existential moments 557 00:25:36.600 --> 00:25:38.240 where you're asking like the big questions, 558 00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:39.120 like what do I want? 559 00:25:39.120 --> 00:25:40.080 What do I do? 560 00:25:40.080 --> 00:25:40.920 How do I shift? 561 00:25:40.920 --> 00:25:43.560 How do I change this about myself? 562 00:25:43.560 --> 00:25:46.480 And how do I, how do I move forward? 563 00:25:46.480 --> 00:25:49.600 And one of the big revelations I had was 564 00:25:49.600 --> 00:25:54.600 in the last maybe 10 years is really exploring this idea 565 00:25:56.200 --> 00:25:59.400 of like the guilt and shame being motivators. 566 00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:04.840 And so I know this is very prevalent in all of society, 567 00:26:04.840 --> 00:26:08.160 but especially in the religious culture. 568 00:26:08.160 --> 00:26:09.480 And I grew up in church. 569 00:26:09.480 --> 00:26:12.860 I mean, so it's definitely poured on pretty heavy, 570 00:26:12.860 --> 00:26:14.920 you know, when you're looking at it from sort of 571 00:26:14.920 --> 00:26:17.600 even the religious culture, good people. 572 00:26:17.600 --> 00:26:19.280 I've said this before a lot, 573 00:26:20.200 --> 00:26:24.880 like we live in a world today where it's like, 574 00:26:25.600 --> 00:26:30.600 it's like, it's hard, it's hard to be all that you can be. 575 00:26:32.160 --> 00:26:35.520 In other words, we've got a lot of good men 576 00:26:36.720 --> 00:26:40.920 and it, unfortunately, it seems as though 577 00:26:40.920 --> 00:26:43.520 good isn't good enough. 578 00:26:44.400 --> 00:26:46.900 And that may sound really negative, 579 00:26:46.900 --> 00:26:50.480 but it's like the way I explain that is this, 580 00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:54.200 got a lot of good men, every man on this call, 581 00:26:54.200 --> 00:26:57.720 every man that usually shows up for this call 582 00:26:57.720 --> 00:27:02.720 are well-meaning, you know, like law-abiding, 583 00:27:03.680 --> 00:27:08.680 God-hearted, love Jesus, wanna do good things, have careers. 584 00:27:09.880 --> 00:27:12.080 If they don't have like a specific career, 585 00:27:12.080 --> 00:27:13.960 they're working at a job their best, 586 00:27:13.960 --> 00:27:16.640 they're making their way the best they know how. 587 00:27:16.640 --> 00:27:20.400 They are literally like playing by the rules, so to speak. 588 00:27:20.440 --> 00:27:24.060 You're good men, but at the same time, 589 00:27:24.980 --> 00:27:29.980 you don't feel like your life equates with the goodness 590 00:27:30.280 --> 00:27:32.880 that you're like, I'm putting forth all this goodness, 591 00:27:32.880 --> 00:27:33.800 but I'm not getting all, 592 00:27:33.800 --> 00:27:35.520 I'm not getting the relationship back. 593 00:27:35.520 --> 00:27:36.880 I'm not getting the fulfillment back. 594 00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:41.880 I'm not getting like, where's the reward, so to speak, 595 00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:46.120 for doing all this good, right? 596 00:27:46.120 --> 00:27:48.480 And there's this lack. 597 00:27:48.480 --> 00:27:50.280 And it's like, it's really unfortunate 598 00:27:51.120 --> 00:27:51.960 because like the statement rings true 599 00:27:51.960 --> 00:27:54.200 when I sort of articulate it that way 600 00:27:54.200 --> 00:27:56.240 and I describe it that way, 601 00:27:56.240 --> 00:27:59.580 it's as if we live in a culture 602 00:27:59.580 --> 00:28:01.300 where good isn't good enough. 603 00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:05.200 That's like on paper, I don't do drugs. 604 00:28:05.200 --> 00:28:06.200 I'm not gambling. 605 00:28:06.200 --> 00:28:08.360 I'm not like out doing crazy things. 606 00:28:08.360 --> 00:28:09.520 I'm not living for myself. 607 00:28:09.520 --> 00:28:11.040 I'm actually trying to be responsible. 608 00:28:11.040 --> 00:28:12.640 Daniel's just painted it out. 609 00:28:12.640 --> 00:28:13.720 I have my own house. 610 00:28:13.720 --> 00:28:15.320 I have my kids, like I have this career, 611 00:28:15.320 --> 00:28:18.600 like what more do you want from me? 612 00:28:19.600 --> 00:28:24.600 Either woman that doesn't want to be in relationship with me 613 00:28:24.640 --> 00:28:27.000 or even society or even whatever, 614 00:28:27.000 --> 00:28:28.320 whoever's standing before you, 615 00:28:28.320 --> 00:28:31.000 that's going, yeah, no, no, no, no, no thanks. 616 00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:32.740 I'm like, what gives? 617 00:28:33.560 --> 00:28:34.660 Like, what is that all about? 618 00:28:34.660 --> 00:28:36.080 Like, you know, and then, and then 619 00:28:36.080 --> 00:28:38.960 if you lay on sort of the religious to that, 620 00:28:38.960 --> 00:28:41.040 you're like, where's God in all this? 621 00:28:41.040 --> 00:28:41.960 Has God abandoned me? 622 00:28:41.960 --> 00:28:42.800 Has God left me? 623 00:28:42.800 --> 00:28:45.040 I mean, just has left, I mean, am I fatherless? 624 00:28:45.040 --> 00:28:46.660 Basically, you know, like where's the help? 625 00:28:46.660 --> 00:28:50.140 Where's the like help from on high, you know? 626 00:28:50.140 --> 00:28:51.420 So there's a lot of that. 627 00:28:51.420 --> 00:28:54.620 And we bear the burden of that as men, for sure. 628 00:28:54.620 --> 00:28:56.900 Women do, but in their own way. 629 00:28:56.900 --> 00:28:57.900 And we're not talking about men. 630 00:28:57.900 --> 00:28:59.780 We're just talking about men tonight. 631 00:28:59.780 --> 00:29:02.320 And so we bear the burden of this. 632 00:29:03.780 --> 00:29:06.740 We want to be in relationships, like says in Ephesians, 633 00:29:06.740 --> 00:29:10.080 where the man, like, you know, we were, we were just, 634 00:29:10.080 --> 00:29:11.780 we were just kind of like kudos, Daniel, 635 00:29:11.780 --> 00:29:13.900 for like going through the relationship 636 00:29:13.900 --> 00:29:17.820 because you're trying to like lay down your life. 637 00:29:17.820 --> 00:29:20.220 And in Ephesians, that's actually what the job 638 00:29:20.220 --> 00:29:21.820 of the husband is to do. 639 00:29:22.660 --> 00:29:26.020 Love the wife as Christ loved the church. 640 00:29:26.020 --> 00:29:27.220 What did Christ do for the church? 641 00:29:27.220 --> 00:29:30.020 He literally laid down his life. 642 00:29:30.020 --> 00:29:33.220 He literally bled and died. 643 00:29:34.180 --> 00:29:36.700 Like, bro, if that's how I'm supposed to be a husband, 644 00:29:36.700 --> 00:29:39.880 the best way I can be a husband is like bleed and die, 645 00:29:40.940 --> 00:29:43.700 then so be it, right? 646 00:29:44.500 --> 00:29:45.940 But I'm not talking about literally bleeding and dying. 647 00:29:45.940 --> 00:29:48.580 I'm talking about like living, laying your life down 648 00:29:48.580 --> 00:29:52.980 in such a way that the woman who you're in relationship 649 00:29:52.980 --> 00:29:55.500 with, that you're passionately in love with is like, 650 00:29:55.500 --> 00:29:58.900 my man like goes to the mat for me. 651 00:29:58.900 --> 00:30:00.180 Like my man loves me. 652 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.880 Like it's obvious, like loving to the point where like, 653 00:30:03.880 --> 00:30:05.880 not like, hey, I told you I loved you 654 00:30:05.880 --> 00:30:09.360 when we got married, you know, isn't that enough? 655 00:30:09.360 --> 00:30:11.840 Kind of love, it's like loving to the degree 656 00:30:11.840 --> 00:30:13.680 where like it hurts. 657 00:30:13.680 --> 00:30:16.920 And that's awesome, that's powerful, that's passionate. 658 00:30:16.920 --> 00:30:18.800 But then you have on the other side of that coin, 659 00:30:18.800 --> 00:30:21.320 sometimes you have people that are so traumatized 660 00:30:21.320 --> 00:30:24.920 because we live in this overly traumatized world 661 00:30:24.920 --> 00:30:27.480 that we're all in, right? 662 00:30:27.560 --> 00:30:30.760 To where some people can't even receive that kind of love 663 00:30:30.760 --> 00:30:34.440 because they're so traumatically connected to dysfunction. 664 00:30:36.120 --> 00:30:39.040 Right, which may be slightly in the case 665 00:30:39.040 --> 00:30:41.400 of like Daniel's situation, I'm not trying to call that one, 666 00:30:41.400 --> 00:30:44.080 I'm just trying to like use it as an example. 667 00:30:44.080 --> 00:30:47.620 Like here's this person like, bro, seriously? 668 00:30:47.620 --> 00:30:50.240 Like this guy's got it together, we know Daniel 669 00:30:50.240 --> 00:30:52.840 because we see him every week on this call. 670 00:30:52.840 --> 00:30:54.320 And she hopefully was getting to know him, 671 00:30:54.320 --> 00:30:55.880 but like, seriously? 672 00:30:55.880 --> 00:30:57.480 Like you're gonna throw in the towel on this one? 673 00:30:57.480 --> 00:31:00.200 This guy, this bro is a good guy. 674 00:31:00.200 --> 00:31:01.800 Like you got one on the hook, 675 00:31:01.800 --> 00:31:06.760 like why can't we reel this one in, right? 676 00:31:06.760 --> 00:31:08.240 And you're probably wondering the same thing 677 00:31:08.240 --> 00:31:10.200 about some ladies, it's like, yeah, she's not perfect, 678 00:31:10.200 --> 00:31:12.160 but like, why can't I reel this one in? 679 00:31:13.040 --> 00:31:14.560 You know? 680 00:31:14.560 --> 00:31:16.160 Or where are the ladies? 681 00:31:16.160 --> 00:31:17.800 I'm kind of there a little bit too 682 00:31:17.800 --> 00:31:21.000 because I had a good date with a girl in Canada 683 00:31:21.000 --> 00:31:24.560 and it didn't work out despite that, you know? 684 00:31:26.360 --> 00:31:29.520 And she didn't say why, but I don't know. 685 00:31:31.240 --> 00:31:32.880 Yeah. 686 00:31:32.880 --> 00:31:36.720 So my point is, is that something's gotta change. 687 00:31:38.320 --> 00:31:43.080 And kudos on like all the good things you're doing. 688 00:31:43.080 --> 00:31:45.280 Every good thing you're doing is great. 689 00:31:45.280 --> 00:31:47.080 Keep on doing those things. 690 00:31:47.080 --> 00:31:48.680 But then there's those things where you're like, 691 00:31:48.680 --> 00:31:50.640 you're looking at yourself honestly, 692 00:31:50.640 --> 00:31:52.800 and you know that you've got things 693 00:31:52.800 --> 00:31:54.000 that are in your way. 694 00:31:54.000 --> 00:31:56.520 You've got traumas of your own accord. 695 00:31:56.520 --> 00:31:57.680 You're doing the hard work. 696 00:31:57.680 --> 00:31:58.960 You've got things that are in your way. 697 00:31:58.960 --> 00:32:01.040 You've got shortcomings that are, you know, 698 00:32:01.040 --> 00:32:02.400 and we're not gonna articulate them out 699 00:32:02.400 --> 00:32:03.360 because we all know what they are. 700 00:32:03.360 --> 00:32:07.040 Like, you don't gotta tell me where my issues are. 701 00:32:07.040 --> 00:32:07.960 I know my issues. 702 00:32:07.960 --> 00:32:09.840 I'm very familiar with my issues. 703 00:32:09.840 --> 00:32:11.760 You all are familiar with your issues. 704 00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:14.040 The thing we wanna do though, 705 00:32:14.040 --> 00:32:16.200 is we wanna bring about righteous change. 706 00:32:16.200 --> 00:32:21.200 And it comes in the pattern of recognizing our identity 707 00:32:21.720 --> 00:32:25.720 and not being motivated by guilt and shame. 708 00:32:25.720 --> 00:32:29.400 And guilt and shame are huge condemnations, 709 00:32:29.400 --> 00:32:32.440 especially for men, especially for men. 710 00:32:32.440 --> 00:32:34.200 So that's why, that's why this, 711 00:32:34.200 --> 00:32:36.880 so this is the foundation of where this is all coming from. 712 00:32:36.880 --> 00:32:37.720 And so this one, 713 00:32:37.720 --> 00:32:38.760 I'm gonna explore this concept a little bit 714 00:32:38.760 --> 00:32:41.800 because I want you, I want the light bulb to come on. 715 00:32:41.800 --> 00:32:44.160 And I want, I want you to be free 716 00:32:44.160 --> 00:32:47.360 from any cycle of guilt and shame, 717 00:32:47.520 --> 00:32:52.520 regardless of what it is that you find yourself 718 00:32:55.640 --> 00:32:59.640 in patterns of where you're easily being beset, right? 719 00:33:00.960 --> 00:33:05.960 The Bible says that the sin that so easily besets you, 720 00:33:06.280 --> 00:33:09.320 like sets you off course, gets you off, right? 721 00:33:09.320 --> 00:33:10.640 I'm not gonna highlight sin 722 00:33:10.640 --> 00:33:12.840 because I don't wanna capitalize on sin. 723 00:33:12.840 --> 00:33:14.560 We're gonna call sin, sin. 724 00:33:14.560 --> 00:33:16.160 But I don't wanna make this about sin. 725 00:33:16.160 --> 00:33:18.320 I wanna make this about identity. 726 00:33:18.320 --> 00:33:23.320 And I want to make this about you stepping into who you are 727 00:33:24.640 --> 00:33:28.080 and refusing to operate in a guilt and shame cycle. 728 00:33:28.080 --> 00:33:30.040 So that's why the, that's why I shared the note. 729 00:33:30.040 --> 00:33:32.920 So I don't know if some of you may have the opportunity, 730 00:33:32.920 --> 00:33:34.680 may be able to see this on your screen. 731 00:33:34.680 --> 00:33:35.800 You can follow along if you want to, 732 00:33:35.800 --> 00:33:37.800 but I'll kind of go through a little bit. 733 00:33:38.880 --> 00:33:40.040 So I've already said this, 734 00:33:40.040 --> 00:33:42.320 guilt and shame are not acceptable motivators 735 00:33:42.320 --> 00:33:44.120 in the kingdom of heaven. 736 00:33:44.120 --> 00:33:47.600 And when I say motivators, like motivators for change. 737 00:33:47.600 --> 00:33:49.760 Like some people, like if you're being really honest 738 00:33:49.760 --> 00:33:52.920 and you're really down on yourself, like, man, all right, 739 00:33:52.920 --> 00:33:56.240 I see this truth, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna do better. 740 00:33:56.240 --> 00:33:58.520 I'm like, I see my faults and I'm gonna, 741 00:33:58.520 --> 00:34:02.280 like you're like on a high to like make this change, right? 742 00:34:02.280 --> 00:34:05.280 And then you go into it, like, I'm gonna do this 743 00:34:05.280 --> 00:34:06.120 and I'm gonna do it. 744 00:34:06.120 --> 00:34:08.880 Like you're mustering the strength to do this in and of you. 745 00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:10.320 And you're like, I'm gonna do it. 746 00:34:10.360 --> 00:34:12.880 You're mustering the strength to do this in and of yourself. 747 00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:15.480 Like I'm gonna change tomorrow or change now 748 00:34:15.480 --> 00:34:17.159 or starts tomorrow, whatever. 749 00:34:18.239 --> 00:34:20.560 And you're like, I'm gonna do this. 750 00:34:20.560 --> 00:34:25.400 And your will, your strength to just white knuckle it 751 00:34:25.400 --> 00:34:30.400 through whatever this change is only lasts so long, right? 752 00:34:31.360 --> 00:34:33.639 It lasts a day, a week, a month, six months, 753 00:34:33.639 --> 00:34:36.440 whatever it is, you all know the cycle that you go through 754 00:34:36.440 --> 00:34:38.800 in order to make change, right? 755 00:34:38.800 --> 00:34:41.760 Sometimes people lean into like, you know what? 756 00:34:41.760 --> 00:34:43.840 I feel bad about myself, this bad. 757 00:34:43.840 --> 00:34:44.840 I'm gonna keep this anger. 758 00:34:44.840 --> 00:34:45.880 I'm gonna keep this like guilt. 759 00:34:45.880 --> 00:34:47.520 I'm gonna keep this shame. 760 00:34:47.520 --> 00:34:51.600 I'm gonna use it as a motivation to even like shame me 761 00:34:51.600 --> 00:34:55.120 into like doing better, being better, right? 762 00:34:56.639 --> 00:34:58.040 And that never works. 763 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.360 Matter of fact, it makes things worse. And I want you to start recognizing 764 00:35:08.480 --> 00:35:14.240 the guilt and shame for what they are. Guilt and shame are rooted in fear, 765 00:35:15.040 --> 00:35:21.760 condemnation, and self-reliance. Like I said, self-reliance, your own strength, 766 00:35:21.760 --> 00:35:27.680 to muster your own strength to say, I will to do this. There is a part that you have to play in 767 00:35:27.680 --> 00:35:33.200 your will. You have to make up your mind. But then as soon as you make up your mind, 768 00:35:33.840 --> 00:35:42.000 you are leaning in to the other. You are leaning into Holy Spirit. You are leaning in to God's 769 00:35:42.000 --> 00:35:50.480 help. That passion of like Holy Spirit reminding you who you are in Christ, reminding you who you 770 00:35:50.480 --> 00:35:56.880 belong to, who has redeemed you, who has changed your life. And that's not from like a religious 771 00:35:56.880 --> 00:36:01.280 get excited sort of thing. That's like a foundational like, look, you are a new creature 772 00:36:01.280 --> 00:36:07.760 in Christ. You are not the same person you were yesterday. Matter of fact, I went to a church 773 00:36:07.760 --> 00:36:13.920 this weekend yesterday, and they were doing water baptism, and they were sharing the scripture 774 00:36:15.040 --> 00:36:22.080 about how Jesus came to circumcise and circumcision. And I never really saw this. 775 00:36:22.080 --> 00:36:27.440 It's kind of like really interesting, but how, I can't remember the reference. I don't know, 776 00:36:27.440 --> 00:36:32.720 1 Corinthians or I can't remember what it's talking about. Some of you Bible scholars probably 777 00:36:33.600 --> 00:36:39.600 tell me where this reference is at. But talking about Jesus came to circumcise your heart, 778 00:36:39.600 --> 00:36:45.760 right? We've heard that before. And just like the foreskin would be cut away in actual physical 779 00:36:46.720 --> 00:36:52.400 circumcision, which the Jews did because it was a command in the Old Testament to be circumcised, 780 00:36:52.400 --> 00:36:57.040 which made, which physically made them different than everybody else. 781 00:36:58.080 --> 00:37:02.400 There's nobody in the ancient world at that time was circumcised, but the Jews were, 782 00:37:02.400 --> 00:37:07.520 and God told them to do this. So it set them apart. Okay. It's like, bro, that's kind of like 783 00:37:07.520 --> 00:37:10.720 harsh. Like, really? We're going to do that? Like, okay, I guess what we're going to do. 784 00:37:11.520 --> 00:37:14.320 It's one thing when you're a baby and don't remember it. It's another thing when you're 785 00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:20.160 a grown man and like you're chopping off parts of your most sensitive area. And that's just like, 786 00:37:20.160 --> 00:37:27.840 wow. Okay. This is what we're going to do. Okay. Wow. Okay. Right. But Jesus was like, 787 00:37:28.640 --> 00:37:34.640 guys, I'm not here to circumcise your member. I'm here to circumcise your heart. 788 00:37:35.600 --> 00:37:38.400 And the circumcision that Jesus has done, 789 00:37:40.400 --> 00:37:48.880 he's cut away your flesh. When you accept the work of the cross and you become a new 790 00:37:48.880 --> 00:37:54.480 creature in Christ and you become born again, saved, however you want to articulate, however 791 00:37:54.480 --> 00:38:00.640 you want to describe that scripturally, part of the work that Jesus has done in you because of 792 00:38:00.800 --> 00:38:07.760 his work on the cross, he has literally surgically cut out of you the fleshly nature, 793 00:38:08.800 --> 00:38:15.520 that part of you that wants to fulfill your every earthly, just, you know, fleshly desire, 794 00:38:16.640 --> 00:38:22.880 which usually leads to sin or some sort of self-reliance, some sort of like independent. 795 00:38:23.840 --> 00:38:30.880 Right. We can talk about all the taboo stuff, but pride and arrogance, and I'm going to be this, 796 00:38:30.880 --> 00:38:37.680 and I'm going to be that, and taking the world by storm. That can also be just as much an area 797 00:38:37.680 --> 00:38:42.400 of blindness and sin where you're like, you're just all about you. You're selfish. You're 798 00:38:42.400 --> 00:38:47.600 motivated by self gain, and you're all going to do it. You're a self-made man. That is not kingdom. 799 00:38:48.560 --> 00:38:57.840 That will destroy your relationships. That will, you know, create usually someone who is very 800 00:38:57.840 --> 00:39:02.320 corrupt and an abuser themselves on a lot of people and create a lot of damage, a lot of harm. 801 00:39:04.480 --> 00:39:08.080 All the wars and all the things that started in the world 802 00:39:08.080 --> 00:39:12.160 were started by men who thought too highly of themselves, 803 00:39:12.160 --> 00:39:16.720 and were pride and arrogant, and wanted to lust for power, basically. 804 00:39:19.920 --> 00:39:26.400 So self-reliance, condemnation, fear is what is at the root of guilt and shame, 805 00:39:27.920 --> 00:39:34.720 rather than love, grace, and actual transformation through Christ. 806 00:39:37.120 --> 00:39:40.720 Okay, so we're all familiar with these things, but we're not familiar with the 807 00:39:41.440 --> 00:39:47.040 pagans. We intermix a lot of these things all the time, and we don't do it on purpose. We just do 808 00:39:47.040 --> 00:39:50.400 it because we're humans, and we're trying to figure all this out. But what we're trying to do 809 00:39:50.400 --> 00:39:55.200 is we're trying to separate the things that are true transformation—let me get my hands on the 810 00:39:55.200 --> 00:40:02.320 shot here—true transformation versus the guilt and shame, and we're trying to separate those two. 811 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.680 and shame that are not necessary. 812 00:40:02.520 --> 00:40:05.640 And Christ has literally surgically removed 813 00:40:06.720 --> 00:40:08.680 the flesh from you, the fleshly part of you, 814 00:40:08.680 --> 00:40:10.400 the part that your nature 815 00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:12.720 that wants to fulfill your own lust, 816 00:40:12.720 --> 00:40:15.200 that wants to fulfill and depend on your own reliance 817 00:40:15.200 --> 00:40:16.800 and your own ability, 818 00:40:16.800 --> 00:40:20.480 has surgically removed that and given you a heart, 819 00:40:20.480 --> 00:40:24.000 a soft heart, one that can be molded and shaped 820 00:40:24.000 --> 00:40:27.000 and fashioned into the righteousness of God in Christ, 821 00:40:27.000 --> 00:40:29.080 who you are, right? 822 00:40:30.520 --> 00:40:33.960 So here's a couple of references really quickly 823 00:40:33.960 --> 00:40:34.920 down through this list. 824 00:40:34.920 --> 00:40:39.400 Romans 2.4, God's kindness leads to repentance. 825 00:40:39.400 --> 00:40:43.240 The kingdom operates on grace, not condemnation. 826 00:40:43.240 --> 00:40:47.240 It's God's kindness that brings people to change, not shame. 827 00:40:48.600 --> 00:40:50.440 It's God's kindness that comes to you and say, 828 00:40:50.440 --> 00:40:53.880 son, you're not doing this right. 829 00:40:55.000 --> 00:40:56.200 I'm kind of showing you, 830 00:40:56.200 --> 00:40:58.640 like I'm shining a light in this area. 831 00:40:58.640 --> 00:41:00.720 This is not your best self. 832 00:41:00.720 --> 00:41:02.440 This is not who you really are. 833 00:41:02.440 --> 00:41:04.840 Let me call you to a higher version of yourself 834 00:41:04.840 --> 00:41:09.840 and not just let you figure it out, let me help you. 835 00:41:10.440 --> 00:41:12.160 Let me give you the strength. 836 00:41:12.160 --> 00:41:15.560 Let me give you the courage to make this change 837 00:41:15.560 --> 00:41:17.200 and I'll walk with you. 838 00:41:17.200 --> 00:41:18.720 That is the kindness of God. 839 00:41:19.920 --> 00:41:23.720 How many of you are walking in that sort of level of change 840 00:41:23.720 --> 00:41:24.560 in your life? 841 00:41:29.000 --> 00:41:31.240 Some of you were like, yeah, I'm doing that. 842 00:41:32.120 --> 00:41:33.640 And some of you were like, yeah, I'm doing that 843 00:41:33.640 --> 00:41:36.440 in some areas, but in other areas where I struggle more, 844 00:41:36.440 --> 00:41:39.160 maybe not as much, you know what I'm saying? 845 00:41:41.560 --> 00:41:43.280 So I'm trying to help you tonight. 846 00:41:44.400 --> 00:41:48.600 Number two, there is no condemnation in Christ. 847 00:41:50.040 --> 00:41:53.200 Romans 8.1, probably heard that scripture before. 848 00:41:53.200 --> 00:41:56.240 Guilt and shame stem from a condemnation. 849 00:41:57.240 --> 00:42:01.880 When there is a guilty conviction in a courtroom, 850 00:42:01.880 --> 00:42:04.600 what does that term mean to you? 851 00:42:06.520 --> 00:42:08.520 Someone just kind of spit it out. 852 00:42:08.520 --> 00:42:13.520 Is it guilty conviction in a courtroom, a court of law? 853 00:42:13.600 --> 00:42:14.560 What does that mean? 854 00:42:16.600 --> 00:42:17.440 David? 855 00:42:17.440 --> 00:42:18.280 Dead to rights? 856 00:42:18.280 --> 00:42:19.320 Dead to rights? 857 00:42:19.320 --> 00:42:21.560 Dead to rights? 858 00:42:21.560 --> 00:42:23.560 No, when you're guilty in a courtroom, 859 00:42:23.760 --> 00:42:26.560 you're convicted and guilty. 860 00:42:26.560 --> 00:42:27.640 Yeah, dead to rights. 861 00:42:27.640 --> 00:42:29.680 So like your rights are gone, you're screwed, 862 00:42:29.680 --> 00:42:34.680 you're owned pretty much by the government, 100%. 863 00:42:36.920 --> 00:42:41.920 It's been decided by a judge and a group of your peers 864 00:42:44.120 --> 00:42:47.280 that you have done exactly what it is 865 00:42:47.280 --> 00:42:49.000 you are alleged to have done. 866 00:42:49.000 --> 00:42:53.200 Yeah, you've been found guilty of this action, right? 867 00:42:54.200 --> 00:42:59.200 Yeah, and it usually synonymous with the word conviction. 868 00:42:59.680 --> 00:43:02.680 And if you look up conviction in the dictionary, 869 00:43:02.680 --> 00:43:04.760 that's the first definition. 870 00:43:04.760 --> 00:43:07.120 The second definition, somebody look up the second, 871 00:43:07.120 --> 00:43:07.960 I looked up the other day, 872 00:43:07.960 --> 00:43:08.960 but I don't have it right in front of me. 873 00:43:08.960 --> 00:43:13.720 Somebody look up the second definition of conviction 874 00:43:15.640 --> 00:43:19.080 and maybe even how it relates to biblical conviction, 875 00:43:19.080 --> 00:43:20.920 and we'll come back to that in just a minute. 876 00:43:20.920 --> 00:43:23.160 But there's therefore now no condemnation in Christ. 877 00:43:23.760 --> 00:43:28.760 Christ came to set us free from any condemnation. 878 00:43:31.160 --> 00:43:35.520 And his way is conviction through Holy Spirit, 879 00:43:35.520 --> 00:43:39.000 which leads to transformation, not paralyzing shame. 880 00:43:40.480 --> 00:43:43.400 Anybody have the word conviction on its second definition? 881 00:43:45.800 --> 00:43:49.360 Yeah, it's a firmly held belief or opinion. 882 00:43:50.360 --> 00:43:54.600 A firmly held belief or opinion. 883 00:43:55.440 --> 00:43:58.480 Now, the reason that a courtroom conviction 884 00:43:58.480 --> 00:43:59.680 is a convicting of sin, 885 00:43:59.680 --> 00:44:01.200 because we're dealing with something 886 00:44:01.200 --> 00:44:03.400 that has been a transgression against the law, 887 00:44:03.400 --> 00:44:06.760 and so has been decided by a group of your peers 888 00:44:06.760 --> 00:44:09.680 or a judge who's in their opinion, 889 00:44:09.680 --> 00:44:14.680 they firmly believe that you were guilty of this crime. 890 00:44:15.520 --> 00:44:18.560 But if you have a conviction of your own 891 00:44:19.600 --> 00:44:21.280 outside of a court of law, 892 00:44:21.280 --> 00:44:23.280 not talking about like a guilty verdict, 893 00:44:24.320 --> 00:44:29.000 but when you have conviction, you have what's what? 894 00:44:29.000 --> 00:44:32.240 Another route to that same word, which is a convincing. 895 00:44:32.240 --> 00:44:34.040 You are convinced. 896 00:44:35.160 --> 00:44:39.040 You are believing something that you know is true. 897 00:44:39.040 --> 00:44:40.240 Like, I don't have to have faith in it. 898 00:44:40.240 --> 00:44:41.400 I just know it's true. 899 00:44:41.400 --> 00:44:43.600 I know this is real. 900 00:44:44.200 --> 00:44:47.440 This is the kind of convincing, the conviction, if you will, 901 00:44:47.440 --> 00:44:51.320 this is the kind of convincing that Holy Spirit's job is 902 00:44:51.320 --> 00:44:54.840 to be your constant companion, your constant friend, 903 00:44:54.840 --> 00:44:57.800 your comforter, the teacher and trainer. 904 00:44:57.800 --> 00:45:00.200 This is the God manifest in the world today. 905 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:08.460 Holy Spirit who is continually convincing you of who you are. Now if 906 00:45:08.460 --> 00:45:14.640 you're operating in change that way and you are like I'm living out from like 907 00:45:14.640 --> 00:45:18.360 I'm not gonna live under condemnation I'm not gonna live under someone trying 908 00:45:18.360 --> 00:45:23.280 to tell me that I'm just a poor loser all the time and that's supposed to 909 00:45:23.280 --> 00:45:29.120 bring about this transformation in me because boy I've got I've got raw roots 910 00:45:29.120 --> 00:45:32.400 and I'm gonna go like Rocky did and I'm not like and I'm a poor loser and 911 00:45:32.400 --> 00:45:37.800 everything but I must show them like okay that's cool that's a great movie 912 00:45:37.800 --> 00:45:44.320 script but it's not real life you know I'm saying it's not this is why 913 00:45:44.320 --> 00:45:51.000 condemnation and shame are not kingdom motivators for change number three 914 00:45:51.000 --> 00:45:57.720 perfect love cast out fear shame and guilt operate through fear fear of what 915 00:45:57.800 --> 00:46:06.320 fear punishment fear of rejection fear of disqualification what's gonna happen 916 00:46:06.320 --> 00:46:09.800 if you don't measure up what's gonna happen if you don't change someone's 917 00:46:09.800 --> 00:46:14.880 gonna leave you that happens lots of times in relationships a wife is like 918 00:46:14.880 --> 00:46:18.680 I'm fed up with you I married you I love you but if you don't change this has 919 00:46:18.680 --> 00:46:23.400 got to change what's gonna happen she's gonna leave that fear of rejection is 920 00:46:23.400 --> 00:46:27.480 supposed to make you transform that's supposed to make you a better man no it 921 00:46:27.480 --> 00:46:32.760 just puts you more in a fear shame cycle it just puts you more in a 922 00:46:32.760 --> 00:46:37.280 desperation mode where you're gonna try now in your own effort to try to make 923 00:46:37.280 --> 00:46:45.680 yourself a better man a better husband that never works even in a even in a 924 00:46:45.680 --> 00:46:49.440 non-marriage relationship was between a man and woman that never works trying to 925 00:46:49.440 --> 00:46:54.640 be some better man that you know she wants you to be no no you have to be a 926 00:46:54.640 --> 00:46:59.640 better man on your own merit because like that is who the man I am I am the 927 00:46:59.640 --> 00:47:04.760 man who opens the door I am a man who provides to the best of my ability 928 00:47:04.760 --> 00:47:08.880 that's a big hang up with men like oh I'm not a good provider because I don't 929 00:47:08.880 --> 00:47:14.680 have like millions of dollars bullcrap you're doing the best you can you 930 00:47:14.680 --> 00:47:20.880 provided this you provided that let's look at the things I did do let's don't 931 00:47:20.880 --> 00:47:24.800 look at all the things I didn't do let's look at the things I did do we 932 00:47:24.800 --> 00:47:31.800 talked about that for a minute you see how the motivation is wrapped in who you 933 00:47:31.800 --> 00:47:39.480 are who your identity is and your helper Holy Spirit that's alongside of you the 934 00:47:39.480 --> 00:47:43.640 presence of God on the earth today in the form of Holy Spirit who lives on the 935 00:47:43.640 --> 00:47:51.520 inside of you is convincing you continually of who you are who not who 936 00:47:51.520 --> 00:47:58.840 you are not and cast out fear but God's keenness based on love which drives out 937 00:47:58.840 --> 00:48:04.640 fear so anything that's trying to be fear upon it you know fear punishment 938 00:48:04.640 --> 00:48:08.040 fear of rejection fear of disqualification is not a proper 939 00:48:08.040 --> 00:48:12.560 motivator for you for change so if that's what you're feeling like oh I 940 00:48:12.560 --> 00:48:16.160 got to get that out I can't listen to that voice I can't listen to that that's 941 00:48:16.160 --> 00:48:21.400 not a proper motivator for me I got to pay attention to who I am and who I 942 00:48:21.400 --> 00:48:27.280 really who I'm really aspiring to be with God's help number four shame is a 943 00:48:27.280 --> 00:48:35.080 tool the enemy not of God Satan is the accuser of the brethren and anyone who 944 00:48:35.080 --> 00:48:40.440 is accusing you I'm not saying they're demon-possessed I'm just saying they're 945 00:48:40.480 --> 00:48:49.400 operating in the spirit of the accuser Holy Spirit Jesus and God the Father 946 00:48:49.400 --> 00:48:58.120 never accuse you they might call out something that is true in the spirit of 947 00:48:58.120 --> 00:49:03.920 truth and reveal it to you so that then you can overcome it with their help but 948 00:49:03.920 --> 00:49:09.880 that's not an that's not accusing an accuser brings an argument against you 949 00:49:09.880 --> 00:49:14.880 and identify something and then leaves you on your own merit to do whatever you 950 00:49:14.880 --> 00:49:19.920 can survive about oh I'm accusing you oh you did this and it produces in you a 951 00:49:19.920 --> 00:49:24.800 feeling of yeah because when it's true you're like yeah I'm guilty of that and 952 00:49:24.800 --> 00:49:30.360 then you convict your own self like yeah I am that and then you had you you agree 953 00:49:30.360 --> 00:49:36.480 you come into agreement with that and then it produces a cycle of shame that 954 00:49:36.480 --> 00:49:39.800 you feel bad about that because you just identified that yeah that's that's who 955 00:49:39.800 --> 00:49:45.000 you are because you came in agreeing with that now there's nothing wrong with 956 00:49:45.000 --> 00:49:53.520 identifying truth but there is something wrong in agreeing with the spirit of the 957 00:49:53.520 --> 00:49:59.640 accuser versus identifying truth for the purpose of going Lord I'm transparent 958 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.960 You like this is really me like I am guilty of this and I need your help to change it 959 00:50:05.520 --> 00:50:06.720 so 960 00:50:06.720 --> 00:50:11.080 I'm experienced in this guilt for a moment because I'm recognizing the truth here 961 00:50:12.160 --> 00:50:17.720 But now I'm moving on with your help. I'm not gonna go through a shame cycle 962 00:50:19.040 --> 00:50:24.720 I'm rejecting every form of fear. That's trying to come up and try to control me at this moment 963 00:50:27.040 --> 00:50:29.040 Is this helping anybody 964 00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:32.220 Is this making things more clear to you? 965 00:50:33.120 --> 00:50:37.180 Because this isn't and the way I'm describing. This is I want you 966 00:50:37.180 --> 00:50:40.400 I want this to be a new mindset shift for you 967 00:50:40.400 --> 00:50:46.720 I want this to be a tool for you so that you can recognize these patterns and go. Oh 968 00:50:47.600 --> 00:50:52.400 That's fear right there. I think I do that's that's shame right there 969 00:50:53.200 --> 00:50:59.020 That is that is a measure of that is that that is the spirit of accuser right there trying to 970 00:50:59.660 --> 00:51:01.380 Come at me 971 00:51:01.380 --> 00:51:03.380 I'm gonna reject that 972 00:51:03.420 --> 00:51:06.900 That is not Kingdom. That is I'm not gonna be motivated that but that way 973 00:51:07.460 --> 00:51:11.520 I'm going to choose to be motivated by love and peace and my true identity 974 00:51:13.060 --> 00:51:15.060 Okay 975 00:51:15.420 --> 00:51:19.860 Shame is the tool of the enemy that Satan is the accuser shames people to keep them bound Jesus, however 976 00:51:21.020 --> 00:51:27.340 Actually intercedes for us. He prays for us. He's interceding. He's acting on our behalf and restores and offers restoration to us 977 00:51:29.020 --> 00:51:34.940 Number five God's restores and not shamed psalm 34 5 in the kingdom. God lifts our heads 978 00:51:36.300 --> 00:51:40.660 You know, you hear that scripture. That's there's a song that said God is the lifter of our heads 979 00:51:41.220 --> 00:51:45.720 He's not one who because of what he says or what he does to us makes us bow down 980 00:51:46.540 --> 00:51:48.940 He always stands even in the Old Testament 981 00:51:49.700 --> 00:51:57.160 When people encounter the Spirit of the Lord, they were always falling down because of because of fear was like super intimidating 982 00:51:57.920 --> 00:52:03.640 It was like an oh shit moment like whoa, like whoa, I just came into like that. Whoa. What just what is happening? 983 00:52:04.080 --> 00:52:05.720 like I am 984 00:52:05.720 --> 00:52:07.720 afraid and 985 00:52:07.720 --> 00:52:10.680 What did they do almost every instance in Old Testament? 986 00:52:11.560 --> 00:52:16.680 Lift up your head stand up. Why do you bow? Why do you bow down? Why are you afraid? 987 00:52:17.840 --> 00:52:22.760 Because like this intimidating spirit that I've never seen before is like freaking staring me down 988 00:52:23.400 --> 00:52:27.520 But yes, thank you like the next step is okay stand up 989 00:52:29.440 --> 00:52:31.760 It's never like stay down there you dog 990 00:52:32.360 --> 00:52:37.640 Hear my I'm trying to say to you. I'm trying to I'm God and I'm done it at a dot right never 991 00:52:38.280 --> 00:52:42.000 It's always lift up your head. He is the lifter of 992 00:52:42.600 --> 00:52:44.080 your head 993 00:52:44.080 --> 00:52:47.880 He's not the person that shames you into dis into obedience 994 00:52:47.880 --> 00:52:54.560 He restores dignity and he replaces shame with confidence in his love 995 00:52:57.880 --> 00:53:04.640 Everybody on this call if I said does God love you and you'd be like, yeah, he loves me because you know this to be true 996 00:53:05.880 --> 00:53:08.600 But are you do you have confidence? 997 00:53:09.680 --> 00:53:15.320 Like yeah, man, like when when the rubber meets the road, I really know that God loves me 998 00:53:15.680 --> 00:53:18.480 Like when it's getting it's what's getting bad out there 999 00:53:18.480 --> 00:53:23.800 I still know that God loves me like when you can answer it that way with conviction 1000 00:53:24.280 --> 00:53:28.840 And I'm not I'm not disparaging if you can't I'm just I'm offering an invitation to say 1001 00:53:30.000 --> 00:53:32.000 That's possible 1002 00:53:32.200 --> 00:53:40.000 See that is the kind of love that God operates in a a confidence of his love towards you 1003 00:53:40.160 --> 00:53:43.080 Confidence of his love towards you 1004 00:53:44.520 --> 00:53:49.800 Not some like yeah, like I know God loves me, but wait, no, no, no, no, but 1005 00:53:52.800 --> 00:53:56.680 God just loves you and you're like, whoa 1006 00:53:58.560 --> 00:54:00.560 Okay 1007 00:54:01.240 --> 00:54:05.560 And because God loves you the net the very next thing is 1008 00:54:06.440 --> 00:54:09.880 You can now love yourself 1009 00:54:12.000 --> 00:54:14.000 That's the very first step 1010 00:54:15.560 --> 00:54:17.560 Before you can love others 1011 00:54:18.680 --> 00:54:25.480 You must experience God's love for you. And then you must fall in love with yourself 1012 00:54:28.440 --> 00:54:32.160 Not an obviously not an arrogance not in selfishness 1013 00:54:32.160 --> 00:54:38.480 But literally in a moment like yeah, I have value. God loves me 1014 00:54:41.080 --> 00:54:43.600 And I know this I'm convinced of this and 1015 00:54:44.400 --> 00:54:47.120 Therefore I'm okay with me. Yeah, I'm not perfect 1016 00:54:48.240 --> 00:54:50.240 But I can love myself 1017 00:54:50.240 --> 00:54:51.280 and 1018 00:54:51.280 --> 00:54:56.720 Then when you start loving yourself, you can start treating yourself better. You start giving yourself grace and 1019 00:54:56.720 --> 00:54:59.280 You 1020 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:01.280 You start lifting up your head. 1021 00:55:01.280 --> 00:55:02.400 You start behaving better. 1022 00:55:02.400 --> 00:55:04.720 You start remembering in the moment, like, oh, it's 1023 00:55:04.720 --> 00:55:08.320 about to do something really bad and shameful. 1024 00:55:08.320 --> 00:55:11.480 But I just remembered, I love myself. 1025 00:55:11.480 --> 00:55:13.080 Whoa. 1026 00:55:13.080 --> 00:55:16.040 I'm going to choose differently this time. 1027 00:55:16.040 --> 00:55:19.280 Like, what if that started happening in your life today? 1028 00:55:19.280 --> 00:55:21.600 What if that started bringing about the change 1029 00:55:21.600 --> 00:55:24.800 that you really want to see in you? 1030 00:55:24.800 --> 00:55:27.160 Like, that's powerful. 1031 00:55:27.240 --> 00:55:31.040 That is like, what if there was a community of men? 1032 00:55:31.040 --> 00:55:32.420 What if there were a group of men? 1033 00:55:32.420 --> 00:55:35.520 What if there was a league of men 1034 00:55:35.520 --> 00:55:38.160 who chose to be motivated by the love of God 1035 00:55:38.160 --> 00:55:42.520 inside and for themselves towards change versus the shame 1036 00:55:42.520 --> 00:55:45.880 that we all feel? 1037 00:55:45.880 --> 00:55:46.840 Right? 1038 00:55:46.840 --> 00:55:48.840 How powerful is that? 1039 00:55:48.840 --> 00:55:53.440 And then lastly, number six, Jesus bore our shame. 1040 00:55:53.440 --> 00:55:55.720 Jesus actually took on our shame so that we 1041 00:55:55.760 --> 00:55:57.200 wouldn't have to live under it. 1042 00:56:00.560 --> 00:56:03.760 Now, I will admit, from time to time, we do feel guilty. 1043 00:56:03.760 --> 00:56:06.880 From time to time, we feel the shame. 1044 00:56:06.880 --> 00:56:12.000 But those are supposed to be momentary glimpses that we then 1045 00:56:12.000 --> 00:56:14.400 recognize something and we go, you know what? 1046 00:56:14.400 --> 00:56:17.680 There's guilt and there's shame here. 1047 00:56:17.680 --> 00:56:20.240 Maybe I am guilty of this. 1048 00:56:20.240 --> 00:56:24.960 But because Jesus went to the cross, God says, yes, 1049 00:56:25.000 --> 00:56:33.320 you are guilty of this action, of this breaking of the law, 1050 00:56:33.320 --> 00:56:35.000 if you will. 1051 00:56:35.000 --> 00:56:40.640 But because of Jesus, you have been held blameless. 1052 00:56:40.640 --> 00:56:41.140 Wow. 1053 00:56:44.600 --> 00:56:47.160 That's powerful. 1054 00:56:47.160 --> 00:56:50.600 Yes, technically, you are guilty. 1055 00:56:50.600 --> 00:56:56.560 But because of what Jesus did, you are now being held blameless. 1056 00:56:56.560 --> 00:57:02.520 Therefore, son, go forth in the power of my glory. 1057 00:57:02.520 --> 00:57:05.840 Go forth in the power of my love for you. 1058 00:57:05.840 --> 00:57:09.760 That truth right there, if you could start walking and living 1059 00:57:09.760 --> 00:57:11.920 that out, will not only change your world, 1060 00:57:11.920 --> 00:57:16.520 but it will change the world around you. 1061 00:57:16.520 --> 00:57:20.280 If you could start articulating that for yourself 1062 00:57:20.280 --> 00:57:23.000 and living that way, and then you start articulating that 1063 00:57:23.000 --> 00:57:27.360 for other people, like, hey, bro, I noticed 1064 00:57:27.360 --> 00:57:29.960 that you've been going through, like, because I'm your friend 1065 00:57:29.960 --> 00:57:33.280 and I know you very well, you know, and we work together, whatever. 1066 00:57:33.280 --> 00:57:35.460 You've been going through a lot of, like, stuff 1067 00:57:35.460 --> 00:57:36.760 and you feel guilty and shameful. 1068 00:57:36.760 --> 00:57:41.400 But I'm telling you, what if you didn't have to feel that way 1069 00:57:41.400 --> 00:57:46.000 and you start sharing that with others and you start setting them free? 1070 00:57:46.000 --> 00:57:49.200 That's powerful. 1071 00:57:49.200 --> 00:57:52.920 The kingdom of heaven motivates through love, grace, identity, and purpose. 1072 00:57:52.920 --> 00:58:00.600 The Holy Spirit is convicts, is convincing, and does not condemn. 1073 00:58:00.600 --> 00:58:03.640 Convincing or conviction brings transformation, 1074 00:58:03.640 --> 00:58:08.240 while shame brings stagnation and self-hatred. 1075 00:58:08.240 --> 00:58:10.640 And we're very familiar with that, because all of us 1076 00:58:10.640 --> 00:58:13.320 have been through the guilt and shame cycle. 1077 00:58:13.320 --> 00:58:16.400 Because it produces no growth. 1078 00:58:16.400 --> 00:58:18.480 It produces no change. 1079 00:58:18.480 --> 00:58:20.800 It only produces self-hatred. 1080 00:58:20.800 --> 00:58:25.040 It only produces, yeah, I can't do this once again. 1081 00:58:25.040 --> 00:58:28.960 Yeah, I'm a piece of shit once again. 1082 00:58:28.960 --> 00:58:32.040 Right? 1083 00:58:32.040 --> 00:58:38.800 So hopefully this study, like, illuminates this, not just from, 1084 00:58:38.800 --> 00:58:40.840 like, yeah, you know, yeah, I'm not supposed to feel guilty. 1085 00:58:40.840 --> 00:58:43.760 No, hey, don't feel guilty, man. 1086 00:58:43.760 --> 00:58:48.800 This is more than just like a little, like, pat, encouragement. 1087 00:58:48.800 --> 00:58:50.200 Like, hey, man, don't worry about it. 1088 00:58:50.200 --> 00:58:51.720 Like, shrug it off. 1089 00:58:51.720 --> 00:58:53.160 It's not like that. 1090 00:58:53.160 --> 00:58:56.560 This is another level of, like, no, no, no, no, no. 1091 00:58:56.560 --> 00:58:59.880 Guilt and shame are not motivators for change in my life. 1092 00:58:59.880 --> 00:59:05.480 I'm being set free from the guilt and shame cycle 1093 00:59:05.480 --> 00:59:09.240 because of whatever's going on in my life. 1094 00:59:09.240 --> 00:59:12.160 Whether it's your behavior or whether it's 1095 00:59:12.160 --> 00:59:15.720 you just don't feel like you're matching up, you know, 1096 00:59:15.720 --> 00:59:21.360 with expectations, either of yourself or other people, you know. 1097 00:59:21.360 --> 00:59:26.040 This is where, this will also give you the power, guys, 1098 00:59:26.040 --> 00:59:31.360 to silence the other voices of other people in your head. 1099 00:59:31.360 --> 00:59:37.320 Not to, like, disrespect them, not to, like, hate them, 1100 00:59:37.320 --> 00:59:41.240 but to literally silence the voice of whether it's a parent figure 1101 00:59:41.280 --> 00:59:44.960 or whether it's a boss or whether it's somebody that you highly respect 1102 00:59:44.960 --> 00:59:49.360 and value that is, like, condemning you all the time, 1103 00:59:49.360 --> 00:59:50.840 telling you how you're falling short. 1104 00:59:50.840 --> 00:59:52.000 Well, you didn't do it this way. 1105 00:59:52.000 --> 00:59:52.640 You didn't do it that way. 1106 00:59:52.640 --> 00:59:54.880 Yeah, but what about this? 1107 00:59:54.880 --> 00:59:57.960 You know, that accusing spirit that goes around all the time. 1108 00:59:57.960 --> 00:59:58.800 Or maybe it's you. 1109 00:59:58.800 --> 00:59:59.800 Maybe it's you that's... 1110 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.920 Maybe it's your voice that's constantly accusing yourself of this or that because you've been 1111 01:00:05.920 --> 01:00:12.560 trained by someone else that was constantly accusing you. 1112 01:00:12.560 --> 01:00:18.400 And the reality of it is, is they're only accusing you and shaming you because that's 1113 01:00:18.400 --> 01:00:22.260 their inner voice, right? 1114 01:00:22.260 --> 01:00:27.920 But you can't do that, anything for them other than love them, but you can bring about the 1115 01:00:27.920 --> 01:00:35.680 change in your own life through this revelation. 1116 01:00:35.680 --> 01:00:40.120 I just, you know, I've heard all of these themes all of my life, right? 1117 01:00:40.120 --> 01:00:43.880 And if you've ever been around church or church, you know, like you've heard all these messages 1118 01:00:43.880 --> 01:00:47.280 before, you've heard these words before, you've heard these things, you've heard these truths 1119 01:00:47.280 --> 01:00:53.840 laid out, but you got to drill down to them and understand what the, how the, what the 1120 01:00:53.840 --> 01:00:56.080 true power is behind this. 1121 01:00:56.080 --> 01:01:01.240 And that's why I want to share this tonight because I want you guys, I want men to be 1122 01:01:01.240 --> 01:01:09.680 free from not only guilt and shame, but I want you to rise up into who you really are 1123 01:01:09.680 --> 01:01:14.680 and answering the question in part of like, what do I want? 1124 01:01:14.680 --> 01:01:21.000 That has that, that path, getting clarity on that will bring you into your true identity 1125 01:01:21.000 --> 01:01:24.500 faster than anything. 1126 01:01:24.500 --> 01:01:30.560 Getting clarity on what is you want, like truly want, will bring you into your true 1127 01:01:30.560 --> 01:01:40.200 identity faster than any, certainly, certainly any shame cycle or certainly any other motivator. 1128 01:01:40.200 --> 01:01:49.060 It will bring you faster into your true identity than any other thing on the planet. 1129 01:01:49.060 --> 01:01:51.460 Would you be willing to say just a little bit more about that? 1130 01:01:51.460 --> 01:01:56.620 So do you mean that that will bring us into actions that align with our identity or do 1131 01:01:56.620 --> 01:01:59.940 you mean that it will bring us into an awareness of our identity? 1132 01:01:59.940 --> 01:02:00.940 I mean, both. 1133 01:02:00.940 --> 01:02:04.780 I mean, you have to become aware first and then you're going to take action. 1134 01:02:04.780 --> 01:02:10.260 But yeah, living like, like, I think awareness probably comes first because here's the thing. 1135 01:02:10.260 --> 01:02:12.780 A lot of people, we've seen this before. 1136 01:02:12.780 --> 01:02:16.820 It's very hard to be something that you've never seen before. 1137 01:02:16.820 --> 01:02:17.820 You know what I'm saying? 1138 01:02:18.580 --> 01:02:25.100 If you've ever been really motivated by someone like, oh, they did it, and identify with that 1139 01:02:25.100 --> 01:02:29.660 person and if they can do it, I can do it type of thing. 1140 01:02:29.660 --> 01:02:33.300 It's hard to become something that you can't see. 1141 01:02:33.300 --> 01:02:37.460 And so maybe it's not something that you actually see doing it, but at least in your mind's 1142 01:02:37.460 --> 01:02:44.780 eye, there are things that I can see about myself that I know that I'm capable of that 1143 01:02:44.780 --> 01:02:46.700 I've not achieved yet. 1144 01:02:46.700 --> 01:02:51.300 And I'm like, I know I could do, I know I'm, I know that's part of my identity. 1145 01:02:51.300 --> 01:02:53.740 And so it's a driver for me. 1146 01:02:53.740 --> 01:02:58.460 It's a motivator for me to be like, yeah, I saw that a long time ago when I was younger 1147 01:02:58.460 --> 01:03:03.340 or I saw that a few years ago, I saw that last week, like, and I see different things 1148 01:03:03.340 --> 01:03:07.400 now in a different part of my life than I did 20 years ago, right? 1149 01:03:07.400 --> 01:03:12.500 There was a time in my life that I was not a teacher. 1150 01:03:12.500 --> 01:03:15.460 And before I ever taught one class, I was like, you know, it'd be really cool. 1151 01:03:15.460 --> 01:03:24.660 I think I could teach, but I never was given the opportunity to, until one day I was given 1152 01:03:24.660 --> 01:03:26.180 the opportunity to teach. 1153 01:03:26.180 --> 01:03:29.500 And I was like, wow, that's amazing. 1154 01:03:29.500 --> 01:03:32.900 Somebody trusts me to stand in front of a group of people and teach something. 1155 01:03:32.900 --> 01:03:35.660 And I was like, wow, this is pretty cool. 1156 01:03:35.660 --> 01:03:39.940 And then I did like 12 years of that. 1157 01:03:39.940 --> 01:03:41.020 And I have that under my belt. 1158 01:03:41.020 --> 01:03:45.500 So now I feel comfortable like standing in front, just like teaching something. 1159 01:03:45.500 --> 01:03:49.860 But there was a time in my life that I didn't know that I could do that. 1160 01:03:49.860 --> 01:03:50.860 So it's kind of like that. 1161 01:03:50.860 --> 01:03:52.900 So yeah, the awareness for sure. 1162 01:03:52.900 --> 01:03:59.540 And then action, because, I mean, we've all heard this and Jack has talked about this. 1163 01:03:59.540 --> 01:04:04.740 It doesn't make any sense to go a hundred miles down a road, a dead end road. 1164 01:04:04.740 --> 01:04:07.640 Like literally, the road ends. 1165 01:04:07.640 --> 01:04:09.800 Why are you going a hundred miles down this road? 1166 01:04:09.800 --> 01:04:10.900 There's like an end to it. 1167 01:04:11.780 --> 01:04:13.580 There doesn't go anywhere. 1168 01:04:13.580 --> 01:04:17.580 So if you're on a path of action that you think it's like, oh, this is my calling. 1169 01:04:17.580 --> 01:04:18.860 This is who I am. 1170 01:04:18.860 --> 01:04:21.660 And you're going a hundred miles down this road and like, it has nothing to do. 1171 01:04:21.660 --> 01:04:23.580 Like, I'm not saying you miss your calling. 1172 01:04:23.580 --> 01:04:26.660 What I'm saying is you just made a poor decision, you know? 1173 01:04:26.660 --> 01:04:28.340 Like, oh, this is what I want. 1174 01:04:28.340 --> 01:04:30.940 Like, no, no, no, no, no. 1175 01:04:30.940 --> 01:04:35.260 That's, let me help you, you know, basically. 1176 01:04:35.260 --> 01:04:40.100 And this is where you can lean sometimes into like somebody who's a true mentor, 1177 01:04:40.700 --> 01:04:43.540 somebody who can say, hey, this, I see this in you. 1178 01:04:43.540 --> 01:04:48.140 Have you ever considered this might be part of your future? 1179 01:04:48.140 --> 01:04:50.460 You know, have you ever considered this? 1180 01:04:50.460 --> 01:04:51.460 Somebody that you trust. 1181 01:04:51.460 --> 01:04:52.900 I'm not talking about just anybody. 1182 01:04:52.900 --> 01:04:55.300 I'm talking about a true mentor, a true father figure, 1183 01:04:55.300 --> 01:04:58.620 somebody who's a true leader for you. 1184 01:04:58.620 --> 01:05:00.620 And allow them to speak into your life. 1185 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.640 that can be very helpful. I literally had, I'll tell the story, we're way over time right now, 1186 01:05:06.640 --> 01:05:12.080 but I had a guy, and I may have even told the story before, that was, he's a vice president 1187 01:05:12.080 --> 01:05:17.200 in an insurance company, but I didn't know him like that. I only knew him as a dad of one of 1188 01:05:17.200 --> 01:05:22.000 the teenagers that used to be in my youth group. And I was doing full-time ministry, 1189 01:05:22.560 --> 01:05:27.040 and I fired from full-time ministry. I had this great identity in who I was in ministry, 1190 01:05:27.040 --> 01:05:33.360 but then when I got fired, I knew nothing of who I was. And I was trying, it was in door-to-door 1191 01:05:33.360 --> 01:05:39.600 sales. And I was making like, not minimum wage, but I was making like, certainly not at my 1192 01:05:39.600 --> 01:05:46.400 potential at all. And this man years later reached out to me and said, come to my office. And I said, 1193 01:05:46.400 --> 01:05:52.720 okay. And I went down to like, you know, a 40 story office building, nationwide insurance, 1194 01:05:52.720 --> 01:05:58.720 like nationwide insurance. He's a vested officer in nationwide insurance, a vice president of 1195 01:05:58.720 --> 01:06:04.160 operations and nationwide insurance without a college degree, this man is. 1196 01:06:06.560 --> 01:06:12.480 And he's accomplished. And I knew him as a dad. His name is Buzz, Buzz Weckner. 1197 01:06:14.000 --> 01:06:20.480 And I went up to Buzz's office, nice office, accomplished. And Buzz sat me down and he 1198 01:06:20.480 --> 01:06:27.040 looked at my resume and he said, this is crap. And I went, what? I said, this is all the stuff 1199 01:06:27.040 --> 01:06:34.000 I've ever done. He goes, it means nothing. And from a professional point of view, he was able 1200 01:06:34.000 --> 01:06:40.560 to show me how my resume was completely insufficient in describing what I was done and who I was. 1201 01:06:41.520 --> 01:06:45.680 And then he asked me, he said, how much do you make at this? And I said, eh, on a good year, 1202 01:06:45.680 --> 01:06:51.440 I might make 65,000. I don't know. Maybe 65,000 sounds a lot to you, but trying to support a 1203 01:06:51.440 --> 01:06:57.120 family on $65,000 is tough these days. And he goes, you make what? And you're how old? 1204 01:06:58.000 --> 01:07:03.760 You should make a hundred grand. He says, I know who you are. Your skill sets this, 1205 01:07:03.760 --> 01:07:08.720 your skill sets that. And you have this crappy resume and you're like, he wasn't guilting me. 1206 01:07:08.720 --> 01:07:13.600 He was just literally shining a light in my face saying, what the hell are you doing? 1207 01:07:16.000 --> 01:07:23.520 And that was really helpful. And he became a mentor to me. And a year later, I was able to 1208 01:07:23.520 --> 01:07:28.960 go back to him and say, after I had multiple sessions with him, I was able to go back to him 1209 01:07:28.960 --> 01:07:35.920 and say, man, thank you. You helped me get my resume together. I presented. A few months later, 1210 01:07:35.920 --> 01:07:42.480 I was actually had an opportunity to shift up and I literally shifted up to a six-figure income 1211 01:07:43.440 --> 01:07:49.920 within a year of what I was doing before. But I would not have made that shift 1212 01:07:50.720 --> 01:07:55.200 if he didn't confront me in love. Cause it was, it was very loving, 1213 01:07:56.640 --> 01:08:04.000 but it was like a father going, son, like you're better than this. I know who you are. 1214 01:08:04.000 --> 01:08:07.520 Like, you don't even know who you are. I know who you are better than you know yourself. 1215 01:08:08.320 --> 01:08:15.760 Let me show you. See, so if you have somebody in your life that can be a mentor to you, you can 1216 01:08:15.760 --> 01:08:21.040 say, Hey, I see things in you. I see things, better things than you. I see this path. Have 1217 01:08:21.040 --> 01:08:27.040 you considered ever trying this? You know, that's awesome. If you can, if you can have that, 1218 01:08:27.840 --> 01:08:30.000 somebody who believes in you, all that kind of stuff. 1219 01:08:32.479 --> 01:08:35.680 And then you can, and then, yes, like you said, Thomas, then you can take action. 1220 01:08:36.479 --> 01:08:39.760 You can take like really clear action. Like I'm going to do this. 1221 01:08:41.279 --> 01:08:44.479 Here's a fitness program. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. Well, 1222 01:08:46.240 --> 01:08:49.840 is it the best fitness program? Who knows? There's a thousand of them out there. 1223 01:08:51.279 --> 01:08:56.479 Choose one that seems right to you. Go after it. In six months, 1224 01:08:57.680 --> 01:09:02.399 you'll probably see some change. If you're, if you're, if you're a faithful to it, 1225 01:09:02.399 --> 01:09:08.640 you know, and then you can make modifications and you can make adjustments. 1226 01:09:11.359 --> 01:09:18.640 We're way over time, guys. I hope this has been encouraging to you. Everybody click on 1227 01:09:19.200 --> 01:09:22.080 the thing to get the notes. If you want them, I'll try to make them available 1228 01:09:22.080 --> 01:09:30.399 elsewhere, maybe in the app if I can. And, but if you have questions, if you have questions, David, 1229 01:09:30.479 --> 01:09:31.520 you have questions, David. 1230 01:09:35.279 --> 01:09:40.640 I didn't know like an appropriate area to ask this. Is it possible to get a 1231 01:09:41.920 --> 01:09:46.560 copy of the last year's single graphic? I was going to make an ugly Christmas sweater. 1232 01:09:47.840 --> 01:09:54.000 That's your single style. I'm surprised you never told Jackie that. Not, what do you mean? 1233 01:09:55.360 --> 01:09:59.600 That one day in the chat where I was joking about making, like we were all talking about 1234 01:09:59.600 --> 01:09:59.920 last year. 1235 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:00.840 your single swag. 1236 01:10:00.840 --> 01:10:01.680 And I was like, I was thinking of making 1237 01:10:01.680 --> 01:10:03.560 a last year Christmas sweater, 1238 01:10:03.560 --> 01:10:05.700 last year single ugly Christmas sweater. 1239 01:10:05.700 --> 01:10:06.540 No, I missed that. 1240 01:10:06.540 --> 01:10:09.680 But at the same time, you shared, 1241 01:10:09.680 --> 01:10:12.680 I only heard your ugly Christmas sweater collection 1242 01:10:12.680 --> 01:10:16.760 first on your True Truths and a Lie or whatever 1243 01:10:17.880 --> 01:10:20.040 on the spotlight. 1244 01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:22.400 I know Daniel was there, 1245 01:10:22.400 --> 01:10:25.100 the hard work that we did for it, but. 1246 01:10:26.120 --> 01:10:26.960 I apologize. 1247 01:10:26.960 --> 01:10:27.960 Yeah, I think it was the same day 1248 01:10:27.960 --> 01:10:29.920 that Ketan and I were quoting Monty Python, 1249 01:10:29.920 --> 01:10:31.280 back and forth. 1250 01:10:31.280 --> 01:10:32.120 Interesting. 1251 01:10:32.120 --> 01:10:32.960 It was a good day. 1252 01:10:32.960 --> 01:10:33.780 Yeah, there were, 1253 01:10:33.780 --> 01:10:35.120 I think there were a lot of shenanigans that day. 1254 01:10:35.120 --> 01:10:36.840 People remember it, yeah. 1255 01:10:36.840 --> 01:10:38.520 I do remember the ugly Christmas sweater. 1256 01:10:38.520 --> 01:10:40.540 Sorry if I missed that, bro. 1257 01:10:40.540 --> 01:10:41.380 I will. 1258 01:10:41.380 --> 01:10:42.480 But yeah, I was. 1259 01:10:42.480 --> 01:10:43.480 I think David, you know, 1260 01:10:43.480 --> 01:10:45.940 like the unruly kids in the backseat, 1261 01:10:45.940 --> 01:10:48.400 I think David just started ignoring us at a certain point 1262 01:10:48.400 --> 01:10:49.240 and that's why. 1263 01:10:49.240 --> 01:10:50.080 Maybe that's what it was. 1264 01:10:50.080 --> 01:10:52.180 I was trying to get something done. 1265 01:10:54.360 --> 01:10:56.880 I would be remissed if I gave you an official copy 1266 01:10:56.880 --> 01:10:58.080 of the logo to do that with. 1267 01:10:58.080 --> 01:11:00.040 Yeah, no, I was figuring, 1268 01:11:00.040 --> 01:11:01.840 because like even my combat vet group was like, 1269 01:11:01.840 --> 01:11:02.680 oh, we can't give you an official copy. 1270 01:11:02.680 --> 01:11:05.960 I can't do nothing about it if you rip it off, so. 1271 01:11:05.960 --> 01:11:07.680 Well, I don't feel comfortable doing that. 1272 01:11:07.680 --> 01:11:11.600 I would just like make a relative, 1273 01:11:11.600 --> 01:11:12.840 like, because I just realized, 1274 01:11:12.840 --> 01:11:15.060 I just came across the affiliate play, 1275 01:11:18.840 --> 01:11:19.680 replay, 1276 01:11:20.800 --> 01:11:22.560 and this whole time I thought the affiliate 1277 01:11:22.560 --> 01:11:24.160 was something completely different 1278 01:11:24.160 --> 01:11:25.800 from what it actually is. 1279 01:11:25.800 --> 01:11:26.840 I thought it was like, 1280 01:11:27.120 --> 01:11:30.080 I don't wanna like host the last year single program 1281 01:11:30.080 --> 01:11:30.920 in a city. 1282 01:11:30.920 --> 01:11:31.760 No, no, no. 1283 01:11:31.760 --> 01:11:32.580 That sounds like too much work. 1284 01:11:32.580 --> 01:11:33.420 And then I listened to the replay. 1285 01:11:33.420 --> 01:11:35.260 I'm like, oh. 1286 01:11:36.240 --> 01:11:37.400 Yeah. 1287 01:11:37.400 --> 01:11:41.240 So then I also thought, oh, hey, I can get that scan. 1288 01:11:41.240 --> 01:11:42.280 You can sign up on affiliate. 1289 01:11:42.280 --> 01:11:43.120 Get the link. 1290 01:11:43.120 --> 01:11:43.940 Well, I don't know if it's gonna work, but. 1291 01:11:43.940 --> 01:11:44.780 Here's what you can do. 1292 01:11:44.780 --> 01:11:45.600 Here's what you can do. 1293 01:11:45.600 --> 01:11:47.040 You can get the link. 1294 01:11:47.040 --> 01:11:49.000 You sign up, get the link. 1295 01:11:49.000 --> 01:11:51.600 You can turn that link into a QR code. 1296 01:11:51.600 --> 01:11:53.320 Put that QR code on your shirt. 1297 01:11:53.320 --> 01:11:54.160 Put it on a sticker. 1298 01:11:54.160 --> 01:11:55.000 Put it on a sticker. 1299 01:11:55.000 --> 01:11:55.820 That's what I was gonna do. 1300 01:11:56.660 --> 01:11:58.900 I don't know if it's gonna work out well on this 1301 01:11:58.900 --> 01:12:00.800 cause it's an actual knitted sweater. 1302 01:12:02.780 --> 01:12:03.620 Technologically. 1303 01:12:03.620 --> 01:12:04.900 We'll see what happens. 1304 01:12:04.900 --> 01:12:06.020 We'll see. 1305 01:12:06.020 --> 01:12:06.860 Yeah. 1306 01:12:07.860 --> 01:12:10.660 But yeah, that was pretty much my question, man. 1307 01:12:10.660 --> 01:12:11.780 All right, guys. 1308 01:12:11.780 --> 01:12:13.700 I love you so much. 1309 01:12:13.700 --> 01:12:15.180 You're good men. 1310 01:12:15.180 --> 01:12:20.140 We have the power to be gooder, better men 1311 01:12:20.140 --> 01:12:21.820 and not on our own strength, 1312 01:12:21.820 --> 01:12:24.940 only through the power of love, grace and transformation. 1313 01:12:24.940 --> 01:12:26.340 Guys, we'll see you next week. 1314 01:12:26.340 --> 01:12:27.180 Have a good one. 1315 01:12:28.020 --> 01:12:29.180 Okay, brother. 1316 01:12:29.180 --> 01:12:30.020 Brothers.