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All right, my phone's about to die

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and that has all your wonderful names on it

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that wanna get in the love seat.

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All right, so if you are new to love seats,

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raise your hand.

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We have a lot of phase two ladies in here with us tonight.

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This is your sneak preview of phase three sessions,

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love seats, which is dating coaching

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and relationship coaching with me,

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little old me, Jackie D.

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Let's see all of the hands of the phase two ladies

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that are navigating through their love story accelerator.

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Look at all those hands, you guys.

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So many, so many.

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All right.

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A little background.

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All right, some of you graduated to phase three

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and some of you are having a sneak peek tonight

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of what love seats looks like.

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We do love seats once a month

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and love seat is the time when I just get in the love seat.

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I get in the trenches with you,

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into these dating trenches,

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into these relationship trenches,

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and we talk about what is happening

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in your lives in real time.

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People can volunteer as tribute

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to get in the love seat with me

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to talk about their situation or their non-situation.

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Some people get in the love seat

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to talk about hypothetical situations, which is also fine,

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but we have a lot of fun here.

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And then we'll take just regular Q&A as well

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as we get to the end tonight.

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Sound good?

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All right, so before we start, you guys,

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there are some really important things

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that we need to just do a little housekeeping here

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at the beginning.

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So number one thing that I wanna say to all of you guys

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is make sure that you mute when you come in.

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Make sure you mute because otherwise,

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if you hear a lot of racket in the background,

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you're like, man, who's making all that racket?

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It might be you.

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It might, it actually might be you making all that racket.

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So make sure that there's a little microphone and it's red.

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That means that you're muted until you're unmuted

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because you're unmuting to say something

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if you're getting in the love seat

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or you're called upon to talk.

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Also make sure that your camera is off.

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So your camera needs to be red as well.

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If you are, if your camera's on,

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your clothes should be on too.

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See how that works?

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My clothes are on and my camera is on, okay?

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Not to be condescending, but we need to make sure

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that we're paying attention to technology

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because we've had too many booby shows

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and we don't wanna do that, all right?

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So let's make sure that our camera is red

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if we are getting out of the shower,

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if we're doing something, we're changing clothes.

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If we just don't wanna be on camera,

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make sure that your camera is red, okay?

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And I will definitely give you a little pro tip.

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You should come to these sessions on camera.

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Why?

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Because you should be practicing

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just putting yourself out there, letting people see you.

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Yes, it's a co-ed session.

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We do have our men's program.

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They are invited to these sessions as well.

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A lot of them do not attend.

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We have a handful of guys, our faithful few that do attend.

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So yes, there are guys here live,

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but a lot of men watch season replay, okay?

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So they watch season replay as well.

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So you wanna make sure that you have your camera on

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because you're practicing just to be seen.

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Public forum.

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In fact, we just had-

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It's time for my own.

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We just had, you guys,

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there's a lot of people coming on unmuted tonight.

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This is more than normal.

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We just had a testimony

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from one of our beautiful phase two students

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that when she first came into the program,

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she was very shy, never talked, never turned on her camera,

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and that she has broken free from that.

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Raise your hand if you feel like

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that is just an area where you struggle,

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not just virtually, but just in person.

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You struggle with the whole grace on your face.

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One of my coaches and mentors says that all the time.

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You struggle with putting yourself out there.

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You struggle with being seen.

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You struggle with speaking up.

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Let's see all the people that struggle with communicating.

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That would include telling other people who you are

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or what you need.

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Let's see all the people that struggle with that.

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Go ahead.

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And some of you actually might be better in writing

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than you are in speaking.

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And so we just wanna help you to get to a place

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where you can just represent yourself well,

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because all of you are created by God

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and all of you are important.

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All of you are lovely and good,

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and God has all kinds of amazing things

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that he wants to do through you,

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but you have to be able to put yourself out there,

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to present yourself, so to speak.

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So let's let this be a practice run

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on these safe space meetings and gatherings.

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Let this be a practice, right?

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Good?

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Everyone, thumbs up?

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Okay.

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And so then the third thing I wanna say is,

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housekeeping before we jump into love seats is, um, I want to just go through a little bit of

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zoom etiquette really quick. Yes. You want to make sure that you're muted when you come in,

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because otherwise that's exactly what you're going to do. You're going to disrupt the meeting

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right there. So make sure that when you come in, you're muted. Okay. Um, then secondly,

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all of this chatter that happens in the, in the chat, it is very distracting for a lot of people.

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It would be the equivalent of you being in a class and then other people are having side

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conversations all around you when you're trying to listen to the teacher. Okay. And so what's the

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chat for? Well, I'm glad you asked the chat is for you to, um, give your, you know, affirmation

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to what's being said for you to ask questions for you to, um, respond when we have an activation,

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if we ask you to put something or tell us something, um, then we want you to do that.

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Come on. I see some coaches coming in here on muted. You guys know better than that.

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All right. Lots of distractions tonight with that. Let's make sure that we come in here muted.

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All right. So don't have sidebar conversations. If you don't agree with something that a coach

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is saying, and this, this is on any of your sessions, you know, the chat is not the place

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to put your disagreement of that. Guess what? They're the teacher for a reason and you're not.

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Okay. You should never a hundred percent agree with anybody and you're allowed to think your

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own thoughts, but you're not allowed to dissent and to cause disruption, um, in the chat. All

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right. So, and if you're, if you show up, you're having a bad day, then, you know, maybe just say,

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Hey, please pray for me. I'm having a bad day. Instead of just being negative Nellie or Ned

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in the chat continuously, just, you know, putting up all kinds of things that just bring

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the entire groups, you know, stock down. We don't want that, right?

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A rising tide lifts all ships. We want to make sure that we're, we're rising together. We don't

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want to fall together. We're rising together. The Bible says, you know, if someone falls,

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we should be able to pull them up. We can't pull them up. If we're all in the same ditch together,

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can we, and we all have bad days, including me. All right. So really important stuff.

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All right. Rachel is telling us that her makeup's really pretty today, even though she can't come

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on camera because she's at work and we believe her and that's great. All right. Slay girl.

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It's great. All right. All right. So let's get started. That's our housekeeping for today.

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And so that includes supernatural Saturday. That includes Sunday night activation. Yes.

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There's lots of chatter in the chat. And when we ask you to put it up, Hey, put up this,

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put up that, tell us this, tell us that. Yes. That's appropriate. Having sidebar conversations

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about something you read somewhere, someone else's coaching or something else or dissenting

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or just being super negative or whatever is not appropriate for a live chat. Cool. All right. Thank

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you so much. All right. So let's get started. Father God, we thank you, Lord, that you are full

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of wisdom, that you are the source of all wisdom, not us. And so we ask that you would speak to us

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and through us tonight, that you would give us revelation and insight into our lives in every

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area, but especially our love lives, especially this area of relationship and connection.

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We want to do things the way that heaven does things. And so we're asking you to help us

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corporately and individually in Jesus name. Amen. All right. It's important that I just go ahead and

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just say that real quick, that the advice that's given here, it may not fit your specific situation.

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Okay. There's going to be individual advice that's given to an individual that has a very specific

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scenario. And oftentimes we know that person's backstory. We know what they're dealing with.

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We know what they're trying to overcome. We might even know some of their heart wounds

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and some of their blind spots and filters. So we're giving them specific feedback, but then

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we might give general feedback, right? I might give general feedback to the whole group on that

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same topic. But just because I'm saying something to one person and you know, that that's not right

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for you. It's not right for your situation. It doesn't resonate with you. Then it's not for you.

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Is that, is that okay with everyone? It's not for you. It's for that person. And it's okay for you

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to say, Hey, you know, that sounds really wise for that person, but that just really doesn't fit my

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scenario. This is where we go wrong. Even in church settings, you guys, we go in and there's

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a message and we just assume that that message is for everyone. And sometimes it's for a lot of

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people because you know, God's going to give that speaker, that teacher, that prophet, that pastor,

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a word for that specific group, that spiritual community. And hopefully it resonates with most

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people, but sometimes it's just for a couple of people because God's an individual God.

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And yes, it sounds great. We listened to it and we're like, yeah, you know, that sounds really

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great. You know, I, I went through that a few weeks ago or a month ago, you know, and I really

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learned a lot. And I'm so glad that, you know, that's being said right now, but maybe it's not

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for you. And this is where confusion comes in. If you hear stuff that causes confusion in your life,

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you need to take that to the Lord. You need to put that on your Jesus cares board or write it

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in your journal. Don't just immediately beat yourself up because, Oh, I guess I got to do this.

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You know, it's causing confusion. It doesn't make sense to me, but I'm going to go do it anyway.

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No. All right. This is why it's very important for all of you that have this,

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that you don't go scrolling all day long, looking at advice that contradicts itself.

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So many of you probably follow a million relationship accounts. Let's just take

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relationships. Let's just leave spirituality out of it for a second. You probably follow

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a million relationship accounts on Instagram that are all saying something different.

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And it's very confusing. This is the one thing that I know, God led you to this program where

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we've had over 1600 success stories in four years, he led you to this coaching team.

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And guess what? We're tuned into the frequency. I believe this with all my heart that you need

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to hear from, but just because it's not happening as fast as you want it to doesn't mean it doesn't

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work. It just means there's other things that you need to work on. Okay. Some of you in here,

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like I could, I might give someone advice tonight about, Hey, you know, you just need to put

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yourself out there. You're hiding. You need to get on a couple apps. You need to do this or that,

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but that's not advice for you because you've been working the apps like a job and you've

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made the apps your source and not God. So that's not advice for you. You see what I'm saying?

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You got to discern your season. You got to know where you are. You got to know what God's saying

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to you, which is why we have so many sessions on how does God talk to us? How do we hear from God?

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That's why we have supernatural Saturday to try to increase your relationship with God and your

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ability to hear him for yourself. Not just through us, not just through anybody else,

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but through your own receptors, which we have many of, right? This is, this is what we want to do.

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That old adage that says, feed a man, a fish, feed them for a day, teach a man to fish, feed

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him for a lifetime. We're teaching you how to hear from God for yourself so that you don't have to

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always show up wanting a word, wanting advice. In fact, I'm just going to tell you a little secret

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advice is often what people ask for when they know what to do and they just don't want to do it.

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More advice is often what people ask for when they already know what they need to do and they just

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don't want to do it. Okay. All right. So I don't know where Holy spirit is trying to take us with

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all that, but if that's for you, put that shoe on, tie it up and wear it. It's important that we move

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forward and that's how you're going to get moving forward. Okay. All right. We're going to jump in

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to the love seats, right? I'm looking to see who wants to be in the love seats. And you guys,

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there's only like two people that volunteered for love seats. So we might take some volunteers,

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but I will tell you that we have a couple topics that have come in that you guys all really have

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some questions about. So we can jump into these first, or we can just jump into a love seat with

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someone first. Let me look and see who we have for love seats. Is Hannah Haynes here?

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Hannah, are you here? Yes, ma'am. I am. All right. She's like, I'm scared of you, Jackie. You're on

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a rampage tonight. All right. You're going to be first. Okay. And all right, hold on a second. I

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want to spotlight you so everyone can see you. All right. Hi, Hannah. Hello. You live in Texas,

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right? Arkansas. Oh, sorry. Okay. All right. You live in Arkansas. All right. Little rock

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area. Very like a Northeast corner. I'm a couple of hours from little rock. Okay. All right. So

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let's talk about your question. It says you're getting to know a guy brand new. Yes. And via

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text and phone calls right now. Okay. What's your, what's your love seat? What's your love seat

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question? Oh, goodness. Okay. If I can like read that, it would probably be a lot quicker. Okay.

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I wonder if it'll take me off here. If I do that. No, can you still see me?

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We can see you. Okay. I'm trying to find my post.

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Okay. Hannah wants to read what she was going to ask so that she doesn't get off on any bunny trails.

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Yes. Go ahead. You can turn off your camera to read, go whatever you need to do.

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Okay. So I posted at what point do you expect a man to

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consistently communicate with you on a regular basis. What's healthy and

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realistic, not hearing from this man who has consistently talked to my brother

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about potentially connecting us all day today. This was yesterday after coming on

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pretty strong, not like inappropriate or anything, but just forward, which I do

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appreciate and ending. Skip that. It is very reminiscent of the vague playing

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games, inconsistent feeling that I got and continued to give grace for a

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majority of the time that I dated the last man long distance for over two

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years. Is this man long distance? Yes, right now. How long distance is he?

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Five hours. Okay, five hours and does he have a car? Yes. Does he have a job? Yes.

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Okay. Does he have freedom of time or does he have a W-2 job that he has to

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punch into and work long hours? He's a business owner with multiple locations

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around Louisiana. Okay, so you guys, I have this on my list of things to talk

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about long distance in general, so I'm glad that Hannah, this is your question

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because we're gonna talk about your specific scenario, but we're gonna talk

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about long distance just in general. Okay, let's talk about the guy you dated for

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two years because you still have a trigger there, right? I can't tell

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whether or not this guy is, you know, your discernment is kicking in or you're

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being triggered because I don't know enough about these other situations,

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right? So what made you date someone for two years long distance? What kept you

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holding on when you obviously didn't marry that person? Two years long

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distance, how long ago did that end? Why did it end and what kept you from ending

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it earlier? Can we get that information? Yes, so in December of 2023, so a little

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over, I'm getting close to a year and a half, why is it allowed it to continue? Had I had

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this knowledge that I learned in this program, I joined at the very end, about a

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month before that relationship ended. Had I had this knowledge, I wouldn't have

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allowed it to continue. I do really feel like I was strung along with excuses of

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why he did not, you know, initiate coming to visit and just moving the

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relationship along like he very much said in the beginning that he intended

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to. Okay, and so, but he said in the beginning that he intended to, so he was

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pretty intentional at the beginning. And then two years, like, what did he do in

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order to keep you coming? How did he lead you on? Ladies, you've been created not to

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be led on, you've been created to be led, okay, by leader. And so, and to receive. So

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if the man's the giver, then you're the receiver. And I don't mean men that, you

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know, women should just be taker, taker, takers for me, please don't hear what I'm

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saying. But also if a man is leading, and I don't mean that ladies, you know, you're

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at home, barefoot and pregnant, unless that's what you want to be. But we do

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want to be led in a certain way, how, in the way of, we don't want all the stress

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of life on us, we want someone else to bear that burden. And not just us

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ourselves. So tell me how in the world did he keep you coming back for more or

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not just breaking up with him, if he was intentional at the beginning, and two

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years later, nothing still?

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So I think that we formed a very strong emotional attachment in the beginning.

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There you go. And we did not see each other for I would never do this again. I

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want to make that very clear for six months.

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You didn't see each other for six months. How often did you talk during that six

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months?

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Every single day.

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Okay, multiple times a day? Yeah. Okay. So just talking, you know, like you're in a

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relationship, like, you know, he'll be home at dinnertime, kind of level of

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familiarity. You guys, we cannot get ourselves into these situations. We

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cannot get ourselves into these situations. We give Wow, so much

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distraction tonight. We give really strong guidelines for long distance in

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phase two. So all you phase two ladies, we're glad you're here. And they're here

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for a reason those guidelines. Now are there exceptions to the rule? Yes, we

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have a bride right now, who has been dating her long distance fiance for

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three years, because he's in Pakistan, and they have immigration issues. And

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she had to fly over there. She's only allowed to stay four days in Pakistan as

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an American and marry him. And now she's back here. And they're still trying to

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prove to the American government that you know that they're in love and that

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they're married and that he can come

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There are definitely exceptions to the rule, like Rory and Danny, for instance, both beloved

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members of this group. They both were students of mine. They both met in this group, but he was

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Canadian and she was American. Still, still is Canadian American. And they met during the COVID

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kind of years, right? Where Canada was locked out of the border. And so it was really, really,

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really difficult. But now guess what? They're married and live in Knoxville, Tennessee,

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but it took a long time. It took three years. So there are exceptions to the long distance rule,

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but there's not many exceptions to the long distance rule. Okay. And so when it starts out,

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so Hannah's original question is what can I expect from someone at the beginning? Well,

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when it's long distance, what you have to expect is that person is going to come and see you as

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soon as possible, that it's going to be what they want to do. Okay. You're not forcing them to do

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it. And it's okay, ladies, for you to suggest it like, Hey, you know, can we get an in-person,

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but what they do with it then is going to be up to them, men, you need to be the person that,

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you know, gets, you know, together with your long distance girlfriend or the person that you're

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emotionally connecting with. Um, you need to be the person that goes to her if possible. Now,

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if there's some kind of circumstance where, you know, he's got a w two, he can't, you know,

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he's got to be at work, certain hours, all the things. And the woman is a more of a remote worker.

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She's a digital nomad or she's a traveling nurse, or she's got some kind of freedom of time. Then

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it's possible that she would go visit him, but only if she knows people in that area,

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you guys, these are strangers from the internet. Okay. Now, if this is a friend of the family and

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everyone knows them really well, that's a different story. Like her situation, this is a friend of her

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brothers or something. Right. Okay. So then you still don't want to stay with them. You never

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stay in the same place as them, have them help put you up at a hotel, have them put you up with

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friends or family. Make sure that you talk to those people on the phone or on FaceTime beforehand,

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so that you know, they know that you're coming. And it also is an environment that you want to

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stay in. Okay. If it seems kind of sketch, then you definitely don't want to do that. Especially

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if you don't know this person already stay in a hotel. If you don't know them already, don't

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stay with their friends or family. Oh, but I've been talking to them solidly for three weeks.

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I know them so well. No, you don't. You don't know them at all. You've never met them in person.

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Now, if it's someone your family's known for a long time, if your cousin lives down the street,

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good, go stay with your cousin. You guys, we can figure out the logistics of this,

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but the premise is the same. You have to get in person very quickly. In my opinion,

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three weeks or less, you got to get in person. Otherwise you're going to do what Hannah did in

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that two year long relationship. You're going to form this crazy, strong, emotional bond with a

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fantasy. I know people always say to me, Jackie, how in the world do people get skimmed on dating

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apps? I would never give someone $30,000 or $40,000. I would never pay someone's bills or

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especially someone I'd never because remember they've never met these people in person.

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This is how do not underestimate emotional connection, especially when you're lonely.

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Okay. You can dream up anything you want about this person. And there, I promise you just showing

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you their best foot forward. Even if they're not a bad person, everyone's just putting their best

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foot forward at the beginning, or at least they're trying to, some people can't hide

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they're crazy for very long, but you have to get in person quick. So Hannah,

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So Hannah, how long you been talking?

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Week and a half. Okay. And how, how long, well, does your brother know him?

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They have known each other. My brother and sister-in-law has have known this man, including

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my sister-in-law's father. They all kind of work in the same industry for several years. I think

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my brother told me like three and a half, four years. But are they, are they good friends with

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them? Are they friends with them? They just work in the same industry. My brother and this man

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talk on an almost daily basis. Okay. And then you have children, right? Yes, ma'am. Can you relocate?

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I can. Okay. Fully. You can relocate. They don't have a relationship with their dad.

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No. Okay. All right. So guys, that's the other thing. Long distance. These are the things that

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you have to get out of the way, right? From the beginning in long distance, specifically in long

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distance, if you can't relocate and they can't thank you next, you can't keep talking to this

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person. I, you guys, I, it breaks my heart to say this, but I have had people that come to me for

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help because they are madly in love with someone that they have been seeing and visiting and

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talking to for years, hoping that somehow they're going to be able to relocate and be with them

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when they have a shared parenting agreement. And so does that person and they have

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small children that are going to take a long, long, long time to grow up. Oh, but we just

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believe God's going to make a way somehow. No, you shouldn't have ever gotten yourself

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in this situation in the first place. Okay. You shouldn't have. Right. And so we definitely do not

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want to get ourselves into situations where, yeah, I understand that you have chemistry with them.

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I understand you have a connection with them, but you know what? You can have chemistry and

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a connection with so many people, but you're trying to lock this down and it's just not possible.

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Right. You're not going to abandon your children. I've seen people abandon their children to go be

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with this other person that they're in love with. And we don't want to do that. You guys,

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that is not God's will for your life. All right. So you can relocate. So good. We got that out

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of the way. He's showing interest. You feel like he's coming on a little too strong.

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I mean, you are hot, so that's fair. I wouldn't necessarily say too strong. I will say he has

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overshared a little bit. Oh, okay. In a derogatory way or is he honorable about his oversharing?

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He has been, you know, with someone for minus the past year. His ex-wife left about a year ago,

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but before that they were together about 20 years. So he has not dated for a long period of time.

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Yeah. So he's telling you, I don't know what I'm doing. Yes. Okay. And has he dated many people

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since she left before talking to you? You're just kind of one of the first ones. Okay. So to answer

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your original question, you can't expect anything from this man, except him coming to see you.

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That's what you can expect. If he's interested in you, he's going to see you. He's going to make an

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effort to see you, or he's going to bring you to him. Since you guys have this family connection,

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it sounds like it would be a safe situation. Where's he live? Louisiana, Louisiana. Okay.

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I'm writing all this down. So in this case, you guys could meet halfway since he's a known entity,

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once again, stay in your own hotels, you guys, not your own hotel rooms in your own hotels.

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Okay. Separate hotels. Why? Because we don't know this guy yet. Brother knows him. We don't know

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him. All right. You could do that. I would rather for your very first meeting that you either see

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him on your turf on his turf with, you know, safety, or you see him on your turf, but that's

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what you can expect from him right now is that he would either help make that happen for you to come

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or for him to come. And then ladies, I always say it. I'm going to say it again. After a man has

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seen the whites of your eyes. Okay. Not over FaceTime. He has been sitting across from you.

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He has been spending the weekend with you because it's long distance and you guys have to do these

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marathon dates, right? Marathon dates happen on long distance. You do a whole weekend or something.

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Um, and after you guys go to your separate places again, then let's see what happens next.

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In my opinion, if they're interested in the same chemistry, in the same connection is happening

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in person, that was happening virtually that they will be making plans for the next face-to-face

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before they leave again, before you guys separate and go your separate ways,

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there will already be plans in place. There already be plane tickets bought.

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There will already be schedules and calendars, you know, um, done together, right.

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And if they're not doing that, if they're like, well, I don't know. And I'm in a real busy season.

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And, you know, and ladies, if you say that gentlemen, if ladies say that to you,

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this is not just about men, but there are a majority of the people that are here live are

385
00:28:38.560 --> 00:28:44.560
women. So I'm going to direct some of my comments to you. Then guess what? They're not ready.

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They're not ready. And you're gonna be wasting your time. That guy that she wasted two years

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with, but God's redeeming it now because he's a redeemer of time, right? Nothing's wasted when

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we give it to the Lord. Some of you guys just want to say this to you. You have wasted time.

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You do, you have it. And the reason why is because you have not given it to the Lord,

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give it to the Lord and let God redeem it. All right. He's the one that restores the years.

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He's the one that does that. He's the one. Okay. So Hannah can have that time redeemed

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and accelerated, but she's got to give that to the Lord. We do that by forgiving that person that

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quote unquote, wasted our time, let us on. Okay. Ghosted us after a long time in relationship or,

394
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you know, promises things and broke those promises. We've got to give that to the Lord.

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Some of you feel like you wasted your life because you were married to someone and it just didn't get

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better and didn't get better. It didn't get better. And now you're divorced. And you're like, Oh my

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God, you, you took, you took 20 years of my life. You took 15 years of my life. You took seven and

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a half years of my life. You took 35 years of my life. You find out they were living a double life.

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They were cheating on you. This and that take that. This is a word from the Lord. Please hear

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it. You got to feel it. I feel it in the spirit.

401
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and give it to the Lord and say, God, I need you to redeem this.

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I need you to redeem this for me.

403
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All right?

404
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OK, so a lot of coaches out there

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will tell you to match people's energy, match their energy.

406
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How interested are they?

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Match their energy.

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If they don't seem that interested,

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then you don't act that interested.

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You guys, that's called playing games.

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We don't match energy, but you know what we do match?

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We match preparation.

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That first man, he just wasn't prepared.

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He wasn't ready for a relationship.

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If you're ready for a relationship,

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then don't talk to people who are not

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ready for a relationship.

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If by the second or third conversation

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or the second or third visit, they're saying things like,

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well, you know, it's a real busy season of my life,

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and I don't know if I have time today.

422
00:30:49.720 --> 00:30:52.400
Why are you on the app then, sir, ma'am?

423
00:30:52.400 --> 00:30:54.480
Why are you here?

424
00:30:54.480 --> 00:30:56.880
You know what this is, right?

425
00:30:56.880 --> 00:30:57.720
We're over 30.

426
00:30:57.720 --> 00:31:00.040
This is a dating for mating app, and if you're not

427
00:31:00.040 --> 00:31:03.080
ready for this, then you shouldn't be here.

428
00:31:03.080 --> 00:31:04.600
OK?

429
00:31:04.600 --> 00:31:07.400
The hookup app's over here on Tinder,

430
00:31:07.400 --> 00:31:09.080
if that's what you're looking for.

431
00:31:09.080 --> 00:31:11.080
And oftentimes, that's what they're telling you.

432
00:31:11.080 --> 00:31:13.880
I don't want a relationship, but when I feel like not being

433
00:31:13.880 --> 00:31:18.960
alone, I want to be able to call you and hang out with you

434
00:31:18.960 --> 00:31:20.920
or be in your presence or whatever.

435
00:31:20.920 --> 00:31:22.960
All right, I'm a little feisty tonight, y'all.

436
00:31:22.960 --> 00:31:23.760
I didn't know what.

437
00:31:24.480 --> 00:31:26.080
Maybe it's because my grandbabies were here,

438
00:31:26.080 --> 00:31:27.080
and they're feisty.

439
00:31:27.080 --> 00:31:29.200
My grandbabies are feisty.

440
00:31:29.200 --> 00:31:33.320
I have never been told no, no, Nona,

441
00:31:33.320 --> 00:31:35.200
by two-and-a-half-year-old twins as much

442
00:31:35.200 --> 00:31:36.880
as I did in the last week.

443
00:31:36.880 --> 00:31:37.880
But here we go.

444
00:31:37.880 --> 00:31:39.640
All right, Hannah, so question answered?

445
00:31:42.200 --> 00:31:43.360
I think so, yes.

446
00:31:43.360 --> 00:31:46.640
What you can expect from him is that he shows initiative

447
00:31:46.640 --> 00:31:51.320
to see you in person, OK, within what you guys have been

448
00:31:51.320 --> 00:31:53.320
talking for a week and a half.

449
00:31:53.320 --> 00:31:56.640
By three weeks, if he hasn't brought up seeing in person,

450
00:31:56.640 --> 00:31:59.640
you bring it up, OK?

451
00:31:59.640 --> 00:32:01.960
And if he starts, remember, got to pace yourself.

452
00:32:01.960 --> 00:32:04.440
If he starts getting too like, oh, I just

453
00:32:04.440 --> 00:32:06.000
I miss you when I don't talk to you.

454
00:32:06.000 --> 00:32:07.800
Oh, when are you going to see me in person?

455
00:32:07.800 --> 00:32:10.760
As soon as people start getting emotionally

456
00:32:10.760 --> 00:32:12.600
involved at that level.

457
00:32:12.600 --> 00:32:14.640
And you guys, it's possible to emotionally connect

458
00:32:14.640 --> 00:32:18.240
with someone virtually very easily if you have chemistry.

459
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:19.680
But remember that chemistry might not

460
00:32:19.680 --> 00:32:22.120
be the same in person.

461
00:32:22.120 --> 00:32:23.560
It doesn't make them a love bomber.

462
00:32:23.560 --> 00:32:26.200
It just means they are feeling you, OK?

463
00:32:26.200 --> 00:32:27.200
They enjoy you.

464
00:32:27.200 --> 00:32:28.880
They can't wait for their phone to ring

465
00:32:28.880 --> 00:32:30.520
or for the text message to come through.

466
00:32:30.520 --> 00:32:32.680
They can't wait to see you on FaceTime.

467
00:32:32.680 --> 00:32:33.480
They're so excited.

468
00:32:33.480 --> 00:32:35.400
They're giddy, like a school kid.

469
00:32:35.400 --> 00:32:37.000
There's nothing wrong with that.

470
00:32:37.000 --> 00:32:38.440
There's nothing wrong with that.

471
00:32:38.440 --> 00:32:41.480
But it's got to be backed up with intention.

472
00:32:41.480 --> 00:32:43.800
We can't just do that forever, OK?

473
00:32:43.800 --> 00:32:45.240
So by three weeks, you bring it up.

474
00:32:45.240 --> 00:32:46.960
If he hasn't, hopefully he will.

475
00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:50.280
We want to see him bringing it up, all right?

476
00:32:50.280 --> 00:32:53.640
And if he says, oh, I'm too busy for that right now

477
00:32:53.640 --> 00:32:59.240
in person, then see you, bye, OK?

478
00:32:59.240 --> 00:32:59.760
Cool.

479
00:32:59.760 --> 00:33:02.280
Thank you.

480
00:33:02.280 --> 00:33:04.000
Is that good?

481
00:33:04.000 --> 00:33:05.160
See you, bye.

482
00:33:05.160 --> 00:33:06.320
Raise your hand.

483
00:33:06.320 --> 00:33:07.920
Doesn't matter, man or woman.

484
00:33:07.920 --> 00:33:12.040
If you ever allowed someone to just kind of string you

485
00:33:12.040 --> 00:33:17.240
along for too long, not just long distance,

486
00:33:17.240 --> 00:33:22.560
but just in general, you were matching their energy.

487
00:33:22.560 --> 00:33:23.720
They were all in.

488
00:33:23.720 --> 00:33:25.920
It seemed like you were all in too.

489
00:33:25.920 --> 00:33:28.120
But they just never took it to the next level.

490
00:33:28.120 --> 00:33:30.280
And they were always making excuses,

491
00:33:30.280 --> 00:33:35.160
always making excuses, always making excuses.

492
00:33:35.160 --> 00:33:36.920
Lauren, would you say three weeks as well

493
00:33:36.920 --> 00:33:38.280
for flying to see someone?

494
00:33:38.280 --> 00:33:39.080
Yeah, you know why?

495
00:33:39.080 --> 00:33:40.680
Because long distance is expensive.

496
00:33:40.680 --> 00:33:44.040
And if they don't have freedom of time

497
00:33:44.040 --> 00:33:45.560
and they don't have money, then they

498
00:33:45.560 --> 00:33:48.440
shouldn't date long distance.

499
00:33:48.440 --> 00:33:54.240
Set those apps to local if you don't have money to travel.

500
00:33:54.240 --> 00:33:55.680
I know that sounds harsh, you guys,

501
00:33:55.680 --> 00:33:57.320
but I've seen way too many people

502
00:33:57.320 --> 00:34:00.360
get their heart broke long distance, way, way, way

503
00:34:00.360 --> 00:34:03.360
too many people, OK?

504
00:34:03.360 --> 00:34:05.600
What if they can't afford to travel now to see you

505
00:34:05.600 --> 00:34:06.320
and can't afford it?

506
00:34:06.320 --> 00:34:07.720
Dawn, I just answered that, right?

507
00:34:07.720 --> 00:34:10.080
I think that you posted that before I said that.

508
00:34:10.080 --> 00:34:11.440
And so I'm going to say it again.

509
00:34:11.440 --> 00:34:12.920
If they don't have money to travel,

510
00:34:12.920 --> 00:34:16.199
then they are not prepared to be in a long distance relationship.

511
00:34:16.199 --> 00:34:17.159
They need to stay local.

512
00:34:21.960 --> 00:34:24.840
Now, you guys, once again, these are guidelines.

513
00:34:24.840 --> 00:34:29.880
There's always an exception to the rule out there, OK?

514
00:34:29.880 --> 00:34:33.199
But please, please don't be making excuses for someone

515
00:34:33.199 --> 00:34:38.280
who's just not that into you, OK?

516
00:34:38.280 --> 00:34:41.040
Please, please don't do that.

517
00:34:41.400 --> 00:34:43.679
Well, there's probably someone right in front of your face,

518
00:34:43.679 --> 00:34:48.120
that's 5' 9", that you're not paying any attention to.

519
00:34:48.120 --> 00:34:52.800
Because you're talking to Mr. 6' 2", long distance, who just

520
00:34:52.800 --> 00:34:57.080
literally is never going to show up, right?

521
00:34:57.080 --> 00:34:58.200
I always have to put it.

522
00:34:58.200 --> 00:34:59.440
And you can fill in the blank.

523
00:34:59.440 --> 00:35:01.280
If it's not high.

524
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.440
for you. It's something it's something I've just seen it all. I've seen it all. You guys. Okay.

525
00:35:05.440 --> 00:35:12.000
Let me see the next person in the love seat. Hopefully we're having fun. If I'm offending you,

526
00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:17.600
then I'm probably talking to you. If you're being offended because I'm not trying to offend anyone.

527
00:35:17.600 --> 00:35:22.160
I'm not talking to anyone in particular, except Hannah just now. Um, but sometimes, you know,

528
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:27.040
you should know. I love you by now. I told one of my coaches this today about her kids. I was like,

529
00:35:27.040 --> 00:35:34.720
do your kids know you love them? Yes. Then tell them the truth. Hopefully 14, 15 hours a day for

530
00:35:34.720 --> 00:35:40.240
the last almost five years of me serving the singles community. When I'm married y'all,

531
00:35:40.240 --> 00:35:46.160
I could just go on my merry way, but I do it because I love it. I was thinking about this

532
00:35:46.160 --> 00:35:49.920
today. I love it. I love seeing you guys get breakthrough in every area of your life.

533
00:35:49.920 --> 00:35:55.840
I love seeing you thrive. The church has ignored you for so many years and God's like, I,

534
00:35:55.840 --> 00:36:01.360
I haven't forgotten them, Jackie. I want to see them fulfilled. And I put this desire in their

535
00:36:01.360 --> 00:36:06.640
heart. And so don't feel sorry for me. Those 15 hours a day. I have done it willingly, but you

536
00:36:06.640 --> 00:36:10.880
should know, I love you. And so I'm going to tell you the truth. Okay. These sessions are about

537
00:36:10.880 --> 00:36:15.440
telling you the truth. Cause I don't want to see you. I don't want to see you showing up a couple

538
00:36:15.440 --> 00:36:20.560
of months from now, wishing that I had told you the truth and you did not, you know, go round and

539
00:36:20.560 --> 00:36:25.120
round in circles. Okay. All right, Hannah, that was perfect because that was one of the topics we

540
00:36:25.120 --> 00:36:30.320
had to cover. So let's take a look. And if you guys have any other questions about long distance,

541
00:36:30.320 --> 00:36:36.480
go ahead and put that in there in the chat and I'll grab it or Bethany or Ebony or Carla,

542
00:36:36.480 --> 00:36:39.440
cause all your dating coaches are here tonight. They can grab it.

543
00:36:41.760 --> 00:36:43.840
All right. Let's see. Shelley Williams. Are you here?

544
00:36:45.920 --> 00:36:52.000
Yes, I'm here. Okay. So I got, these are my notes. So Shelley has been in a less she's in a level

545
00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:56.160
three. For those of you that are new to the levels, that means exclusive. They're only seeing

546
00:36:56.160 --> 00:37:00.880
each other. That means that they're working towards what it could look like to get married to each

547
00:37:00.880 --> 00:37:06.000
other. Five and a half months is how long they've been dating. They've been level three for about two

548
00:37:06.000 --> 00:37:10.880
to three of those months. They met online in October. He lives in Denver and that's only about

549
00:37:10.880 --> 00:37:15.680
an hour, hour and a half from Shelley. And they see each other approximately, approximately once

550
00:37:15.680 --> 00:37:22.000
a week. Okay. What's your question, Shelley? All right. So I popped in around new year's to ask

551
00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:26.640
you a quick question about something related to annoyance. It was very helpful for me. It was

552
00:37:26.640 --> 00:37:34.320
sort of like stay the course, just see how things go. And I am navigating some back and forth

553
00:37:34.320 --> 00:37:41.440
internally with him there. I would say there's not a lot of chemistry, but there are some really

554
00:37:41.440 --> 00:37:47.280
good things. It's probably one of the healthier relationships I've been in. We're quite different,

555
00:37:48.560 --> 00:37:53.600
which is one of the things that I, I mean, some of this is doing hard work for me to like work

556
00:37:53.600 --> 00:38:00.000
through. And some of it is like a question of like compatibility. But I will say in the slight

557
00:38:00.000 --> 00:38:04.720
pendulum swing, sometimes I'm feeling really comfortable around him and good about things.

558
00:38:04.720 --> 00:38:12.960
And then sometimes thing I'm feeling quite like annoyed or stressed. And and it's been a little

559
00:38:12.960 --> 00:38:18.960
bit tiring to like go back and forth when I've been feeling quite like annoyed or stressed,

560
00:38:18.960 --> 00:38:24.960
the temptation has been just to end it. And I have not. So I feel like there's like a real victory

561
00:38:24.960 --> 00:38:29.840
of just not cutting and running and really sitting with things and being patient. So I feel like

562
00:38:29.840 --> 00:38:35.360
there's been a lot of wins so far. I guess one of my questions isn't, I can go into a greater

563
00:38:35.360 --> 00:38:41.040
detail about what I'm talking about with annoyance, but I think one of my questions is, can I, is it

564
00:38:41.040 --> 00:38:48.240
realistic to hope for like a stable space? I know that in terms of just always feeling,

565
00:38:49.120 --> 00:38:55.440
feeling less, feeling less back and forth, I guess. And I can tease it out a little bit more

566
00:38:56.000 --> 00:39:00.480
I just have one question. I'll let you tease it out. I have just one question just already. And

567
00:39:00.480 --> 00:39:05.360
that is, you know, I live in Austin, Texas and, you know, going anywhere for me because of the

568
00:39:05.360 --> 00:39:10.400
traffic here, it's becoming a lot like LA is an hour or more. You guys only live an hour and a

569
00:39:10.400 --> 00:39:14.080
half an hour to an hour and a half away from each other. Why do you only see each other once a week?

570
00:39:14.800 --> 00:39:19.440
Oh, that's a great question. I mean, I guess we could, it probably would be helpful for us to see

571
00:39:19.440 --> 00:39:27.040
each other more often. And we could, I am, I have more flexibility than he does. I'm actually,

572
00:39:27.040 --> 00:39:30.400
I just moved to Colorado. So there's been a lot of change in my life, but it's been good. I actually

573
00:39:30.400 --> 00:39:36.320
moved to Colorado in October and then met him shortly after I'm in Colorado Springs. So I'm

574
00:39:36.320 --> 00:39:40.480
just South and I have a great community here and I'm actually taking time off of work. It's like

575
00:39:40.480 --> 00:39:45.440
a sabbatical for me. So I've had more energy to process things. I think that if you saw each other

576
00:39:45.440 --> 00:39:50.080
more, a lot of these questions would get answered or you'd break up. Okay. This is good. This is

577
00:39:50.080 --> 00:39:55.840
helpful for me to, yeah. So I think that when we, when we see each other once a week in person,

578
00:39:55.840 --> 00:39:59.360
but we have the ability to see each other more, it's one thing if you can't, if you're long, long,

579
00:39:59.360 --> 00:39:59.760
long, long,

580
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.000
Right.

581
00:40:01.000 --> 00:40:04.680
Um, but if you're able to see each other and just go out, you know, a couple of times a

582
00:40:04.680 --> 00:40:09.000
week and hang out and spend time together, you're either going to grow on each other

583
00:40:09.000 --> 00:40:12.560
and these things are just going to resolve themselves, or you're going to see that, you

584
00:40:12.560 --> 00:40:13.560
know what?

585
00:40:13.560 --> 00:40:14.560
We're just not a match.

586
00:40:14.560 --> 00:40:15.560
Okay.

587
00:40:15.560 --> 00:40:16.560
That's really helpful.

588
00:40:16.560 --> 00:40:17.560
Yeah.

589
00:40:17.560 --> 00:40:21.400
Just so you know about annoyances and she can share if she wants to, but we had, um,

590
00:40:21.400 --> 00:40:22.880
I had a student bless her heart.

591
00:40:22.880 --> 00:40:28.680
I love her so much, but she came in here, um, a lot of times when we are really annoyed

592
00:40:28.680 --> 00:40:32.860
by something about someone, it's a lot of times it's because we're scared.

593
00:40:32.860 --> 00:40:37.800
And now we've come into like an avoidant attachment type of place where we're now we're picking

594
00:40:37.800 --> 00:40:38.800
at them.

595
00:40:38.800 --> 00:40:39.800
Okay.

596
00:40:39.800 --> 00:40:42.560
Especially if it's not something serious, if it's just like a preference, like, Oh,

597
00:40:42.560 --> 00:40:43.560
I don't like that.

598
00:40:43.560 --> 00:40:44.560
I don't prefer that.

599
00:40:44.560 --> 00:40:46.840
Or Ooh, Ooh, that's, we call it the ick.

600
00:40:46.840 --> 00:40:49.520
They give you the ick about something.

601
00:40:49.520 --> 00:40:51.920
So one of my students, she booked a one-on-one with me.

602
00:40:51.920 --> 00:40:57.400
This was a couple of years ago because actually, yeah, about two years ago, she booked a one-on-one

603
00:40:57.400 --> 00:41:02.040
with me because she was dating a guy from this community and she really liked him.

604
00:41:02.040 --> 00:41:03.040
They were local.

605
00:41:03.040 --> 00:41:04.200
They saw each other frequently.

606
00:41:04.200 --> 00:41:11.480
He was great in all these ways, but his laugh gave her the ick.

607
00:41:11.480 --> 00:41:14.920
Like when he laughed, he had kind of alert, nervous kind of laugh.

608
00:41:14.920 --> 00:41:19.920
And when he laughed, like she was like, Oh no, no, no.

609
00:41:19.920 --> 00:41:21.520
And he did it like often.

610
00:41:21.520 --> 00:41:24.980
And she said her kids even pointed it out.

611
00:41:24.980 --> 00:41:27.120
And so she was about to break up with him.

612
00:41:27.840 --> 00:41:33.080
We were having a one-on-one and she was about to tell him they had this big, like weekend,

613
00:41:33.080 --> 00:41:36.800
you know, trip planned with the family, with the kids, because, you know, they were doing

614
00:41:36.800 --> 00:41:37.800
life together.

615
00:41:37.800 --> 00:41:38.800
They'd been dating for a while.

616
00:41:38.800 --> 00:41:40.920
And she said, Oh, you know, I think I'm gonna break up with him.

617
00:41:40.920 --> 00:41:43.520
I was like, well, wait, didn't you already promise to do this thing?

618
00:41:43.520 --> 00:41:44.520
And she was like, yeah.

619
00:41:44.520 --> 00:41:47.920
I was like, well, why don't we, why don't we pray into it?

620
00:41:47.920 --> 00:41:53.120
See if this is just you being avoidant or if this is like really not ideal breaker.

621
00:41:53.120 --> 00:41:57.340
And, and just sort of other little personality quirks and eccentricities that were getting

622
00:41:57.340 --> 00:41:58.960
on her nerves.

623
00:41:58.960 --> 00:42:03.160
And they went on that, you know, that family trip, they went to wherever they were going,

624
00:42:03.160 --> 00:42:05.480
some sort of hiking situation, I think.

625
00:42:05.480 --> 00:42:10.220
And then they're getting married like in a couple of weeks and they're madly in love.

626
00:42:10.220 --> 00:42:14.680
And I always just kind of privately razz her about that.

627
00:42:14.680 --> 00:42:16.840
Oh, so that laugh grew on you, huh?

628
00:42:16.840 --> 00:42:17.960
What's going on with that?

629
00:42:17.960 --> 00:42:21.240
You know, kind of, because you guys, I have heard it all.

630
00:42:21.240 --> 00:42:24.520
I've heard people break up for the most ridiculous things.

631
00:42:24.520 --> 00:42:30.400
And a lot of times we're just, you know, we have the ick because we're afraid and it's

632
00:42:30.400 --> 00:42:32.880
something that, you know, it's not a deal breaker.

633
00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:33.880
It's not a non-negotiable.

634
00:42:33.880 --> 00:42:37.840
You just need to spend more time together in order to get past it.

635
00:42:37.840 --> 00:42:40.960
So do you want to tell us what the annoyance is?

636
00:42:40.960 --> 00:42:41.960
That's really helpful.

637
00:42:41.960 --> 00:42:42.960
Yeah, sure.

638
00:42:42.960 --> 00:42:43.960
It's kind of similar.

639
00:42:43.960 --> 00:42:44.960
No, it's kind of similar.

640
00:42:44.960 --> 00:42:49.800
I mean, for one, he has a really distinctive voice, so that's part of it.

641
00:42:49.800 --> 00:42:56.480
And I, and sometimes it does rub me the wrong way, particularly in sometimes in group settings.

642
00:42:56.480 --> 00:43:02.360
And he's, okay, this is, it's like kind of endearing, but he's like an engineer.

643
00:43:02.360 --> 00:43:05.520
I'm more of an artist type and he's an engineer, he's an aerospace engineer.

644
00:43:05.520 --> 00:43:09.760
And so he's kind of like quirky and nerdy, honestly, sometimes.

645
00:43:09.760 --> 00:43:11.760
And I knew this from the beginning.

646
00:43:11.760 --> 00:43:16.600
And part of that is like, can be endearing and part of it can be really like, whoa.

647
00:43:16.600 --> 00:43:21.120
But we're just like, we approach things very differently, like very differently.

648
00:43:21.120 --> 00:43:23.000
So I haven't dated somebody like this before.

649
00:43:23.000 --> 00:43:27.040
So in some ways it's like just getting me out of my norm and it's trying something different.

650
00:43:27.040 --> 00:43:28.040
Okay.

651
00:43:28.040 --> 00:43:29.040
So I love it.

652
00:43:29.040 --> 00:43:30.040
You guys, Holy Spirit's just lining this up.

653
00:43:30.040 --> 00:43:34.360
Cause this literally is like the second thing on my list to talk about just with the group

654
00:43:34.360 --> 00:43:36.600
and now your situation is bringing it up.

655
00:43:36.600 --> 00:43:39.060
So I'm like, okay, we're, we're tracking here.

656
00:43:39.060 --> 00:43:43.240
So when I first met David, you know, and I was hanging out with him, like when he was

657
00:43:43.240 --> 00:43:46.560
just my friend, I didn't notice anything about him.

658
00:43:46.560 --> 00:43:55.600
I was, you know, cringy or icky, but then when we upped the ante to romantic relationship,

659
00:43:55.600 --> 00:44:01.280
one thing that he did that he actually did today in the car, and he hasn't done in a

660
00:44:01.280 --> 00:44:02.280
long time.

661
00:44:02.280 --> 00:44:07.120
One of the things he did is he, he said Jiminy Christmas.

662
00:44:07.120 --> 00:44:13.160
And I was like, what Jiminy Christmas.

663
00:44:13.160 --> 00:44:18.840
I know that sounds really stupid, but I went home that night from like whatever we were

664
00:44:18.840 --> 00:44:20.440
doing together when we were dating.

665
00:44:20.440 --> 00:44:22.520
And I, I rethought the relationship.

666
00:44:22.520 --> 00:44:27.360
I was like, ew, what is that?

667
00:44:27.360 --> 00:44:28.840
What is that Jiminy Christmas?

668
00:44:28.840 --> 00:44:29.840
Like heaven's demergatory.

669
00:44:29.840 --> 00:44:31.400
Like, what is this?

670
00:44:31.400 --> 00:44:36.160
And so, I mean, we can really get very picky and goofy.

671
00:44:36.160 --> 00:44:38.040
And so this is what, right.

672
00:44:38.040 --> 00:44:41.080
So she's talking about being opposites.

673
00:44:41.080 --> 00:44:42.960
So how do we tell if we're polar opposites?

674
00:44:43.760 --> 00:44:48.880
This is my thing that I wanted to talk to you guys about versus complimentary opposites.

675
00:44:48.880 --> 00:44:50.640
There's one way of knowing that.

676
00:44:50.640 --> 00:44:51.640
Okay.

677
00:44:51.640 --> 00:44:53.920
They're both opposite.

678
00:44:53.920 --> 00:44:58.120
The way that we will go from being polar opposite to complimentary opposite is that you see

679
00:44:58.120 --> 00:44:59.960
the other person's way of.

680
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.000
doing that thing that's different than yours as an asset.

681
00:45:04.000 --> 00:45:06.360
9649 Shadowstone.

682
00:45:06.360 --> 00:45:07.200
Dang it.

683
00:45:10.160 --> 00:45:14.920
You see it as an asset and not a liability, right?

684
00:45:14.920 --> 00:45:16.660
Polar opposite people,

685
00:45:17.600 --> 00:45:21.320
polar opposite people oftentimes like,

686
00:45:21.320 --> 00:45:23.340
my way's right, your way's wrong.

687
00:45:24.400 --> 00:45:26.120
But complimentary opposite,

688
00:45:26.120 --> 00:45:28.360
the way that you go into being a complimentary opposite

689
00:45:28.360 --> 00:45:29.520
is like, oh yeah, you know,

690
00:45:29.520 --> 00:45:31.100
you're really definitely peanut butter

691
00:45:31.100 --> 00:45:32.520
and I'm definitely jelly.

692
00:45:32.520 --> 00:45:33.360
But you know what?

693
00:45:33.360 --> 00:45:36.720
I bet we taste good together, you know?

694
00:45:37.960 --> 00:45:41.480
That is what you have to be willing to see.

695
00:45:41.480 --> 00:45:44.280
And you have to be kind of a more of an open-minded person.

696
00:45:44.280 --> 00:45:46.880
A lot of times polar opposites,

697
00:45:46.880 --> 00:45:48.920
they attract, but they don't cohabitate.

698
00:45:48.920 --> 00:45:50.380
And the reason why they don't cohabitate

699
00:45:50.380 --> 00:45:52.760
is because one or both of them are arrogant

700
00:45:52.760 --> 00:45:56.480
in the way that they are thinking that it's the better way.

701
00:45:56.480 --> 00:45:58.120
And they don't respect and value

702
00:45:58.120 --> 00:45:59.180
and honor the other person.

703
00:45:59.180 --> 00:46:01.040
So this is what I wrote down for you guys.

704
00:46:01.040 --> 00:46:03.160
And this is gonna be very important in marriage.

705
00:46:03.160 --> 00:46:05.320
All right, David and I are very different.

706
00:46:05.320 --> 00:46:06.160
Very, very different.

707
00:46:06.160 --> 00:46:07.960
We could be definitely polar opposite

708
00:46:07.960 --> 00:46:09.720
except we're complimentary opposite

709
00:46:10.860 --> 00:46:13.060
because we have decided to value each other.

710
00:46:13.060 --> 00:46:14.080
So here's the thing.

711
00:46:14.080 --> 00:46:16.640
Guys, you have to mute yourselves when you come in.

712
00:46:16.640 --> 00:46:17.840
Have to do it.

713
00:46:17.840 --> 00:46:19.480
All right, so here's what I wrote down.

714
00:46:19.480 --> 00:46:22.240
If you're not the cheerleader or fan of yourself,

715
00:46:22.240 --> 00:46:23.680
because this is where judgment

716
00:46:23.680 --> 00:46:25.680
towards other people is gonna come from.

717
00:46:25.680 --> 00:46:29.560
If you're rigid, okay, and you're a perfectionist

718
00:46:29.560 --> 00:46:31.780
and you're not a big cheerleader or fan of yourself,

719
00:46:31.780 --> 00:46:33.360
if you really don't love yourself,

720
00:46:33.360 --> 00:46:35.520
you're gonna have a hard time accepting someone else

721
00:46:35.520 --> 00:46:37.320
in their natural form as well.

722
00:46:37.320 --> 00:46:38.480
And so this is what I wrote down.

723
00:46:38.480 --> 00:46:40.800
If you're not the cheerleader or fan of yourself,

724
00:46:40.800 --> 00:46:42.240
then you're not going to be a cheerleader

725
00:46:42.240 --> 00:46:44.080
or a fan of your partner.

726
00:46:44.080 --> 00:46:46.620
And that will be the demise of your relationship.

727
00:46:46.620 --> 00:46:50.000
Because if you don't have kind words and honor for them

728
00:46:50.000 --> 00:46:53.820
or about them to others, the relationship will end.

729
00:46:56.200 --> 00:46:58.040
You guys, we are not meant to be the same.

730
00:46:58.040 --> 00:47:01.240
Otherwise God would have made just a bunch of clones.

731
00:47:01.240 --> 00:47:03.080
We are meant to be different.

732
00:47:03.080 --> 00:47:04.900
And let me tell you one thing.

733
00:47:04.900 --> 00:47:06.320
If you're stranded on a desert island,

734
00:47:06.320 --> 00:47:08.240
you don't want someone who thinks just like you

735
00:47:08.240 --> 00:47:09.140
because guess what?

736
00:47:09.140 --> 00:47:10.160
You're already you.

737
00:47:10.160 --> 00:47:11.240
You don't need another you.

738
00:47:11.240 --> 00:47:12.680
You need someone who thinks differently

739
00:47:12.680 --> 00:47:16.720
so that y'all can make a plan and be a team

740
00:47:16.720 --> 00:47:19.160
and get off the island, right?

741
00:47:19.160 --> 00:47:21.080
That is oftentimes how marriage is.

742
00:47:21.080 --> 00:47:22.520
In a crisis, you don't want someone

743
00:47:22.520 --> 00:47:23.440
who thinks just like you.

744
00:47:23.440 --> 00:47:26.360
You want someone who thinks differently than you do.

745
00:47:26.360 --> 00:47:30.580
In the good times and the bad times, we want different.

746
00:47:30.580 --> 00:47:32.400
We don't want the same.

747
00:47:32.400 --> 00:47:35.120
It's great to have the really major things in common,

748
00:47:36.000 --> 00:47:36.960
meaning faith.

749
00:47:36.960 --> 00:47:38.280
In fact, I have that written down too.

750
00:47:38.280 --> 00:47:39.920
So let's just segue into that.

751
00:47:39.920 --> 00:47:44.260
I want to talk to you guys just a second about equal yoking.

752
00:47:45.480 --> 00:47:47.120
Let's just dig a little bit deeper real quickly

753
00:47:47.120 --> 00:47:49.140
because so many of you are caught up on that.

754
00:47:49.140 --> 00:47:51.060
You don't even understand what that means.

755
00:47:51.060 --> 00:47:53.080
It's a very religious thing to say,

756
00:47:53.600 --> 00:47:54.440
especially because a lot of people

757
00:47:54.440 --> 00:47:58.080
don't understand the greater meaning,

758
00:47:58.080 --> 00:48:01.440
the greater historical and cultural meaning of that.

759
00:48:01.440 --> 00:48:05.360
Because remember, we're talking about Jews here, okay?

760
00:48:05.360 --> 00:48:07.640
We're talking about Jewish people.

761
00:48:07.640 --> 00:48:11.880
And so the rabbis, because Jewish people,

762
00:48:11.880 --> 00:48:15.160
Judaism had teachers and rabbis.

763
00:48:15.160 --> 00:48:17.600
And you guys, it took a long time to become a rabbi.

764
00:48:17.600 --> 00:48:19.520
There was discipleship and there was all kinds

765
00:48:19.520 --> 00:48:22.000
of different things involved to become a teacher.

766
00:48:22.040 --> 00:48:25.160
And that's why Jesus was considered a rabbi, okay?

767
00:48:25.160 --> 00:48:27.120
And that's why they were like, who was his teacher?

768
00:48:27.120 --> 00:48:28.640
Where did he even learn this from?

769
00:48:28.640 --> 00:48:29.800
Who did he mentor under?

770
00:48:29.800 --> 00:48:31.240
Who did he apprentice under, right?

771
00:48:31.240 --> 00:48:32.880
They couldn't figure it out.

772
00:48:32.880 --> 00:48:37.760
So the rabbis had a set of teachings.

773
00:48:37.760 --> 00:48:38.880
And just like Jesus,

774
00:48:38.880 --> 00:48:40.960
I think we think that Jesus is the only one who did this,

775
00:48:40.960 --> 00:48:44.120
but rabbis, you guys, their followers would follow them.

776
00:48:44.120 --> 00:48:47.200
Just like Jesus's followers would follow him.

777
00:48:47.200 --> 00:48:49.940
If this was your rabbi, you would follow them.

778
00:48:49.940 --> 00:48:52.300
You would follow them around and you would serve them.

779
00:48:52.300 --> 00:48:53.900
And if you were apprenticing under them,

780
00:48:53.900 --> 00:48:55.740
you would be their apprentice.

781
00:48:56.580 --> 00:48:58.300
But you would sit and you would learn of them,

782
00:48:58.300 --> 00:49:01.220
not in a classroom, in the classroom of life, you guys.

783
00:49:01.220 --> 00:49:02.180
In the classroom of life,

784
00:49:02.180 --> 00:49:03.820
you would follow your rabbi around.

785
00:49:03.820 --> 00:49:06.260
And your rabbi would not just tell you

786
00:49:06.260 --> 00:49:08.100
about God and the Torah,

787
00:49:08.100 --> 00:49:09.660
but they would all speak in parables,

788
00:49:09.660 --> 00:49:10.900
not just Jesus, you guys.

789
00:49:10.900 --> 00:49:12.620
And they were like, oh, and Jesus taught differently

790
00:49:12.620 --> 00:49:13.460
than in the synagogues.

791
00:49:13.460 --> 00:49:15.820
You guys know, all of the rabbis taught

792
00:49:15.820 --> 00:49:17.900
in like most of the rabbis taught

793
00:49:17.900 --> 00:49:20.460
in everyday life situations,

794
00:49:20.460 --> 00:49:22.860
comparing scripture and paralleling things.

795
00:49:23.860 --> 00:49:25.100
And that was your rabbi.

796
00:49:25.100 --> 00:49:26.380
That was your teacher.

797
00:49:26.380 --> 00:49:27.660
That was your guru.

798
00:49:27.660 --> 00:49:30.940
We would say that in, you know, modern vernacular.

799
00:49:30.940 --> 00:49:32.380
And so when the scripture says,

800
00:49:32.380 --> 00:49:36.900
do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers,

801
00:49:36.900 --> 00:49:40.100
what it's saying there is, who is your rabbi?

802
00:49:42.260 --> 00:49:44.460
That set of teachings that the rabbis had,

803
00:49:44.460 --> 00:49:46.040
they were called yokes.

804
00:49:48.020 --> 00:49:49.580
They were called yokes, you guys.

805
00:49:49.580 --> 00:49:50.540
The set of teachings,

806
00:49:50.540 --> 00:49:53.460
every rabbi had a different set of teachings.

807
00:49:53.460 --> 00:49:55.700
This rabbi was known for this.

808
00:49:55.700 --> 00:49:57.780
This rabbi was known for that.

809
00:49:59.020 --> 00:50:00.620
That's why when the Pharisees...

810
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.680
He's trying to trip Jesus up when they were asking him

811
00:50:02.680 --> 00:50:06.240
about divorce and remarriage in eternal life.

812
00:50:06.240 --> 00:50:07.880
They were basically asking him,

813
00:50:07.880 --> 00:50:09.840
do you believe what this rabbi teaches?

814
00:50:09.840 --> 00:50:11.780
Or do you believe what this rabbi teaches?

815
00:50:11.780 --> 00:50:15.280
They were referencing a yoke of two different rabbis

816
00:50:15.280 --> 00:50:16.840
and two different sets of teaching

817
00:50:16.840 --> 00:50:18.600
about divorce and remarriage.

818
00:50:18.600 --> 00:50:22.600
And Jesus sided with one of those things and not the other.

819
00:50:22.600 --> 00:50:24.880
And by the way, the one that he sided with was,

820
00:50:24.880 --> 00:50:29.000
you know, if you break the covenant,

821
00:50:29.000 --> 00:50:30.440
then you can be divorced.

822
00:50:30.440 --> 00:50:31.600
That's not just infidelity.

823
00:50:31.600 --> 00:50:34.340
If you break the covenant, which includes abuse,

824
00:50:34.340 --> 00:50:37.760
mental, emotional, physical, which includes abandonment,

825
00:50:37.760 --> 00:50:40.320
that's what he sided with when he made that answer,

826
00:50:40.320 --> 00:50:41.800
when he answered that question.

827
00:50:41.800 --> 00:50:44.040
So it's about a set of teachings.

828
00:50:44.040 --> 00:50:45.760
It's about who are you following

829
00:50:45.760 --> 00:50:47.100
and how are you living your life?

830
00:50:47.100 --> 00:50:50.400
And so friends, when you are picking a person

831
00:50:51.260 --> 00:50:52.760
to spend the rest of your life with,

832
00:50:52.760 --> 00:50:55.460
you have to ask the question, well, who's their rabbi?

833
00:50:55.660 --> 00:50:59.540
Who's their rabbi?

834
00:50:59.540 --> 00:51:00.940
What yoke are they under?

835
00:51:02.540 --> 00:51:03.380
And I know that we're like,

836
00:51:03.380 --> 00:51:04.780
oh, well that means that we just need

837
00:51:04.780 --> 00:51:05.620
to marry other Christians.

838
00:51:05.620 --> 00:51:06.900
No friends.

839
00:51:06.900 --> 00:51:09.580
There's a lot of other people that say Jesus is a rabbi,

840
00:51:09.580 --> 00:51:11.240
but they're under the law.

841
00:51:11.240 --> 00:51:13.900
They're following after a whole bunch of strict rules

842
00:51:13.900 --> 00:51:16.540
and regulations from the Old Testament.

843
00:51:16.540 --> 00:51:17.920
They're living under the law.

844
00:51:17.920 --> 00:51:20.300
They're living a hard life instead of the grace life

845
00:51:20.300 --> 00:51:21.500
that Jesus died to give them.

846
00:51:21.500 --> 00:51:22.340
And guess what?

847
00:51:22.340 --> 00:51:24.100
If you get in the yoke with them,

848
00:51:24.140 --> 00:51:28.100
you're gonna be yoked with them and their rabbi,

849
00:51:28.100 --> 00:51:31.020
which is legalism.

850
00:51:31.020 --> 00:51:32.340
I did that in my first marriage.

851
00:51:32.340 --> 00:51:33.580
I don't recommend it.

852
00:51:33.580 --> 00:51:34.740
Okay.

853
00:51:34.740 --> 00:51:35.660
Yes.

854
00:51:35.660 --> 00:51:38.220
His yoke is easy and his burden is light.

855
00:51:38.220 --> 00:51:39.840
Boom, mic drop.

856
00:51:39.840 --> 00:51:43.220
So friends, we need to really pay attention

857
00:51:43.220 --> 00:51:47.320
to who is this person's rabbi?

858
00:51:48.300 --> 00:51:49.260
Who are they?

859
00:51:49.260 --> 00:51:51.380
What yoke are they under?

860
00:51:51.380 --> 00:51:52.340
What yoke are they?

861
00:51:52.380 --> 00:51:54.900
What teachings have they applied to their life?

862
00:51:54.900 --> 00:51:56.860
That's values.

863
00:51:56.860 --> 00:51:59.540
That's all the things, right?

864
00:51:59.540 --> 00:52:00.940
Can people grow and learn?

865
00:52:00.940 --> 00:52:03.540
Sometimes people aren't really fully sure,

866
00:52:03.540 --> 00:52:05.140
you know, what they're following after

867
00:52:05.140 --> 00:52:07.580
because they're deconstructing and reconstructing

868
00:52:07.580 --> 00:52:08.620
their faith.

869
00:52:08.620 --> 00:52:09.620
And that's great.

870
00:52:09.620 --> 00:52:11.340
And I think we should all do that.

871
00:52:11.340 --> 00:52:12.180
All right.

872
00:52:12.180 --> 00:52:13.300
That's very, very important.

873
00:52:13.300 --> 00:52:14.140
All right.

874
00:52:14.980 --> 00:52:16.900
Bump, bump, bump, bump.

875
00:52:20.780 --> 00:52:21.620
All right.

876
00:52:21.620 --> 00:52:23.580
I think that I might have a third loveseater.

877
00:52:23.580 --> 00:52:24.420
Let me see.

878
00:52:27.420 --> 00:52:28.860
Somebody named Melissa just mentioned

879
00:52:28.860 --> 00:52:31.620
that they might wanna get in the loveseat.

880
00:52:31.620 --> 00:52:33.020
Are you here, Melissa?

881
00:52:33.020 --> 00:52:34.220
Yeah, that was me.

882
00:52:34.220 --> 00:52:35.340
Okay, perfect.

883
00:52:35.340 --> 00:52:36.220
Hi.

884
00:52:36.220 --> 00:52:37.060
Hi.

885
00:52:39.340 --> 00:52:40.940
I'm in a level three relationship.

886
00:52:40.940 --> 00:52:44.140
We just, it's just hit three months.

887
00:52:44.140 --> 00:52:49.020
So, and the person is local.

888
00:52:49.020 --> 00:52:51.180
We, of course, get along really well.

889
00:52:51.180 --> 00:52:54.780
So I was wanting to get to know him better

890
00:52:54.780 --> 00:52:57.340
in pursuit of marriage.

891
00:53:00.020 --> 00:53:01.460
I've just had a block recently.

892
00:53:01.460 --> 00:53:02.860
So I'm not sure what had happened

893
00:53:02.860 --> 00:53:06.300
because I was very excited about everything.

894
00:53:06.300 --> 00:53:08.780
I made a list of all the things I liked about him.

895
00:53:11.500 --> 00:53:15.500
And then it was actually a week ago,

896
00:53:15.500 --> 00:53:18.220
a week ago Tuesday,

897
00:53:18.220 --> 00:53:20.940
I started to feel the ick, like you're saying.

898
00:53:20.940 --> 00:53:25.940
And I do have an avoidant attachment

899
00:53:25.940 --> 00:53:27.820
when I took the quiz.

900
00:53:27.820 --> 00:53:31.100
My ex-husband, I was married to for 17 years

901
00:53:31.100 --> 00:53:33.820
and it was an abusive relationship.

902
00:53:33.820 --> 00:53:35.260
But the guy I'm currently seeing,

903
00:53:35.260 --> 00:53:37.260
he doesn't have any of those characteristics.

904
00:53:37.260 --> 00:53:40.860
So I don't know why I would be pulling away

905
00:53:40.860 --> 00:53:42.300
or worried about it.

906
00:53:42.300 --> 00:53:44.140
Did you say that you're a level three?

907
00:53:44.140 --> 00:53:44.980
Yeah.

908
00:53:44.980 --> 00:53:46.740
And who initiated that?

909
00:53:46.740 --> 00:53:47.580
He did.

910
00:53:47.580 --> 00:53:49.500
Okay, and how far into the relationship

911
00:53:49.500 --> 00:53:51.340
did he initiate it?

912
00:53:51.340 --> 00:53:53.100
Well, he actually asked me the first time

913
00:53:53.100 --> 00:53:55.020
when we were only together for two weeks

914
00:53:55.020 --> 00:53:57.580
and I said, no, I didn't know him well enough.

915
00:53:57.580 --> 00:53:59.420
And then when it got close to two months,

916
00:53:59.420 --> 00:54:02.860
he asked me again and I had agreed.

917
00:54:02.860 --> 00:54:04.300
Okay, he asked you what,

918
00:54:04.300 --> 00:54:05.820
will you be my girlfriend or?

919
00:54:05.820 --> 00:54:06.660
Yeah.

920
00:54:06.660 --> 00:54:07.500
Okay.

921
00:54:07.500 --> 00:54:08.340
Yeah.

922
00:54:08.340 --> 00:54:09.900
And how often do you see each other?

923
00:54:11.180 --> 00:54:12.940
Right now we see each other about three

924
00:54:12.940 --> 00:54:14.460
to four times a week.

925
00:54:14.460 --> 00:54:16.540
Okay, all right.

926
00:54:16.540 --> 00:54:18.140
And he has marriage minded.

927
00:54:18.140 --> 00:54:19.740
He's talking about that.

928
00:54:19.740 --> 00:54:23.100
He asked me how long that I felt was appropriate

929
00:54:23.100 --> 00:54:25.100
for us to be dating before engagement.

930
00:54:25.100 --> 00:54:29.100
And I said, at least six months, maybe longer.

931
00:54:30.620 --> 00:54:33.260
Okay, have you had the sex talk yet?

932
00:54:33.260 --> 00:54:34.100
Yes.

933
00:54:34.100 --> 00:54:34.940
Yes.

934
00:54:34.940 --> 00:54:36.660
Is that what's driving his hurry?

935
00:54:36.660 --> 00:54:37.860
His hurriedness?

936
00:54:39.660 --> 00:54:42.180
I know that his ex-wife,

937
00:54:42.180 --> 00:54:43.620
he told me that they weren't together

938
00:54:43.620 --> 00:54:44.860
that long before they got married.

939
00:54:44.860 --> 00:54:47.980
So I don't know that that's what's driving it.

940
00:54:47.980 --> 00:54:49.780
Okay, so you took the quiz.

941
00:54:49.780 --> 00:54:52.940
If you were going to guess his attachment style,

942
00:54:52.940 --> 00:54:55.940
would you say that it's secure or anxious?

943
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.460
I'd say he's a little anxious, but not to the point, but also secure.

944
00:55:05.460 --> 00:55:10.840
The reason why I say that is because my last relationship, of course, he was very anxious.

945
00:55:10.840 --> 00:55:13.560
This guy doesn't text me constantly if I don't respond.

946
00:55:13.560 --> 00:55:16.800
He's very mature, um, about it.

947
00:55:16.800 --> 00:55:21.840
He doesn't call me constantly if I'm not answering, you know, he's always respectful with the

948
00:55:21.840 --> 00:55:22.840
boundaries.

949
00:55:22.840 --> 00:55:27.200
So I, but I, he did tell me that when he knows what he wants, he goes after it and that he

950
00:55:27.200 --> 00:55:29.840
sees all the qualities in a wife and me.

951
00:55:29.840 --> 00:55:32.760
That's definitely more of a secure attacher.

952
00:55:32.760 --> 00:55:36.160
And so, um, how long has he been divorced?

953
00:55:36.160 --> 00:55:39.360
He's been divorced for four years, probably four and a half now.

954
00:55:39.360 --> 00:55:40.360
Any kids?

955
00:55:40.360 --> 00:55:41.360
Yes.

956
00:55:41.360 --> 00:55:42.360
He has four sons.

957
00:55:42.360 --> 00:55:43.800
They're all adults.

958
00:55:43.800 --> 00:55:44.800
Okay.

959
00:55:44.800 --> 00:55:45.800
And what was the ick?

960
00:55:45.800 --> 00:55:47.880
You willing to tell us what it is?

961
00:55:47.880 --> 00:55:54.760
Well, I just, I just know, um, part of it is intimacy.

962
00:55:54.760 --> 00:56:02.680
I mean, he's not trying to sleep with me, but just even her long kissing and so forth.

963
00:56:02.680 --> 00:56:04.800
It just gets me really stressed out.

964
00:56:04.800 --> 00:56:09.600
And I guess the fact that also that he's talking about getting engaged and planning on getting

965
00:56:09.600 --> 00:56:17.000
engaged, he's counting down basically for the six months like that he's, it bothers

966
00:56:17.000 --> 00:56:18.000
me.

967
00:56:18.000 --> 00:56:24.120
Who's it, who's initiating this intimacy, this prolonged kissing making out?

968
00:56:24.480 --> 00:56:25.880
I mean, I would say that would be him.

969
00:56:25.880 --> 00:56:26.880
Okay.

970
00:56:26.880 --> 00:56:27.880
Yeah.

971
00:56:27.880 --> 00:56:28.880
All right.

972
00:56:28.880 --> 00:56:32.160
Have you told him, have you communicated to him that you don't want to be kissing like

973
00:56:32.160 --> 00:56:33.160
that?

974
00:56:33.160 --> 00:56:35.120
Yeah, I, I have.

975
00:56:35.120 --> 00:56:36.280
And then what does he say?

976
00:56:36.280 --> 00:56:40.440
He says that that's, he'll say that's fine, that he's okay with, with that.

977
00:56:40.440 --> 00:56:41.440
Okay.

978
00:56:41.440 --> 00:56:44.320
But it seems to kind of linger back.

979
00:56:44.320 --> 00:56:46.120
I don't have to have the conversation again.

980
00:56:46.120 --> 00:56:50.400
So I feel like a mom kind of being like, no, no, remember I said this.

981
00:56:50.400 --> 00:56:53.000
So you know.

982
00:56:53.000 --> 00:56:54.000
Okay.

983
00:56:54.880 --> 00:56:56.600
So are you not physically attracted to him?

984
00:56:56.600 --> 00:56:58.600
No, I am.

985
00:56:58.600 --> 00:56:59.600
Yeah.

986
00:56:59.600 --> 00:57:00.600
Okay.

987
00:57:00.600 --> 00:57:01.600
You are.

988
00:57:01.600 --> 00:57:02.600
You just feel like that's just going a little too far.

989
00:57:02.600 --> 00:57:03.600
Yeah.

990
00:57:03.600 --> 00:57:08.680
I just told him that I just don't see how that would be sustainable for, for six months.

991
00:57:08.680 --> 00:57:14.000
And then also after that for marriage, because that's very, it's important to me.

992
00:57:14.000 --> 00:57:18.800
So you guys, I have to say this cause it's so funny, but you know, I'll never use anyone.

993
00:57:18.800 --> 00:57:22.200
Don't be afraid to come onto like any kind of private coaching with me.

994
00:57:22.200 --> 00:57:26.920
Cause I would never say anyone's names, but just recently this is, this is probably the

995
00:57:26.920 --> 00:57:29.800
best line I've ever heard, but it was like, okay, I will.

996
00:57:29.800 --> 00:57:33.760
I respect, you know, during make-out session, I respect, you know, that you want to wait

997
00:57:33.760 --> 00:57:36.640
until we're married, you know, but can we make out naked?

998
00:57:36.640 --> 00:57:37.640
What?

999
00:57:37.640 --> 00:57:44.880
Yeah, no, there's nothing like that, but it makes me laugh because it's just like, how

1000
00:57:44.880 --> 00:57:45.880
is that?

1001
00:57:45.880 --> 00:57:46.880
Cause you said it's not sustainable.

1002
00:57:46.880 --> 00:57:50.560
And that is the thing that would never be sustainable.

1003
00:57:50.560 --> 00:57:53.920
It's like, well, can't we just, can we just be naked when we make out what?

1004
00:57:53.920 --> 00:57:54.920
Okay.

1005
00:57:54.920 --> 00:57:55.920
I thought it was funny.

1006
00:57:55.920 --> 00:58:00.520
I was pretty clear that I wanted my, that I wanted there to be a lot to the imagination

1007
00:58:00.520 --> 00:58:05.160
that'd be left for the wedding night, that when I'm saying no sex, it's not meaning that

1008
00:58:05.160 --> 00:58:10.840
everything else can happen besides that, that I want it to be a very special time on my

1009
00:58:10.840 --> 00:58:11.840
wedding night.

1010
00:58:11.840 --> 00:58:18.400
And he agreed with me, but he also said that he's trying to work out how to get from today

1011
00:58:18.400 --> 00:58:24.200
to then because after being married and being with someone when he, that he cared about,

1012
00:58:24.200 --> 00:58:25.360
he's not sure how that works.

1013
00:58:25.360 --> 00:58:27.560
I mean, he's just being honest.

1014
00:58:27.560 --> 00:58:28.560
No, that's fair.

1015
00:58:28.560 --> 00:58:29.560
Okay.

1016
00:58:29.560 --> 00:58:32.360
So we're not going to think that he's just with you and rushing to the altar just to

1017
00:58:32.360 --> 00:58:33.360
have sex.

1018
00:58:33.360 --> 00:58:34.360
Okay.

1019
00:58:34.360 --> 00:58:37.080
We're going to give him the benefit of the doubt, but here's to all of you, including

1020
00:58:37.080 --> 00:58:38.080
Melissa.

1021
00:58:38.080 --> 00:58:39.080
Okay.

1022
00:58:39.080 --> 00:58:40.080
That want it to be special.

1023
00:58:40.080 --> 00:58:41.080
Okay.

1024
00:58:41.080 --> 00:58:44.080
Want it to be special and perfect.

1025
00:58:44.080 --> 00:58:47.560
You know, some of you are still versions haven't even had sex yet.

1026
00:58:47.560 --> 00:58:51.200
Um, for those of you that are not, you haven't had sex in a really long time.

1027
00:58:51.200 --> 00:58:53.880
Um, first of all, get on some hormones.

1028
00:58:53.880 --> 00:58:54.880
Okay.

1029
00:58:54.880 --> 00:58:55.880
Go check that out.

1030
00:58:55.880 --> 00:58:57.880
There's lots of bio-identical options.

1031
00:58:57.880 --> 00:59:03.720
Um, ladies, there's, uh, options for, you know, just estrogen suppositories, you guys,

1032
00:59:03.720 --> 00:59:08.920
you have to prepare for this physically, please listen to me.

1033
00:59:08.920 --> 00:59:10.160
I'm 50 years old.

1034
00:59:10.160 --> 00:59:12.520
I know what I'm talking about, right?

1035
00:59:12.520 --> 00:59:18.760
Because your, your, your accessories don't work the way that they once did.

1036
00:59:18.760 --> 00:59:21.560
And for those of you that have never even used them and don't even know what I'm talking

1037
00:59:21.560 --> 00:59:25.880
about, um, you need to get with someone who does know and can help you with this.

1038
00:59:25.880 --> 00:59:26.880
All right.

1039
00:59:26.880 --> 00:59:30.240
And then secondly, the other thing that I want to tell you is that the way that we feel

1040
00:59:30.240 --> 00:59:36.160
safe when we are physically intimate with someone is when we know that we can trust

1041
00:59:36.160 --> 00:59:41.200
them and we can communicate with them and that they listen to us and they honor us

1042
00:59:41.200 --> 00:59:42.200
and respect us.

1043
00:59:42.200 --> 00:59:46.840
And so Melissa, that's where this has to start right now is because you said it.

1044
00:59:46.840 --> 00:59:47.840
And the ick is this.

1045
00:59:47.840 --> 00:59:48.840
You said it yourself.

1046
00:59:48.840 --> 00:59:49.980
I wrote it down.

1047
00:59:49.980 --> 00:59:53.120
I'm tired of feeling like his mother.

1048
00:59:53.120 --> 00:59:55.040
Okay.

1049
00:59:55.040 --> 00:59:59.880
So you're telling him something and he is not respecting that boundary.

1050
00:59:59.880 --> 01:00:00.000
He's.

1051
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.760
still doing what he wants to do.

1052
01:00:02.760 --> 01:00:03.760
All right.

1053
01:00:03.760 --> 01:00:10.760
And so now you're kind of nagging him almost, you feel like a mother and gentlemen, no one

1054
01:00:10.760 --> 01:00:15.200
wants to sleep with their mother, hopefully not in this group at least.

1055
01:00:15.200 --> 01:00:18.780
So we want to be lovers, ladies, not mothers.

1056
01:00:18.780 --> 01:00:23.840
So two things you need to tell him again, you need to say, and you can use those words

1057
01:00:23.840 --> 01:00:26.120
if you want to look, I don't want to feel like your mother.

1058
01:00:26.120 --> 01:00:29.220
I want to feel like, you know, we're going to be lovers.

1059
01:00:29.220 --> 01:00:32.680
But I don't want to go any further than this.

1060
01:00:32.680 --> 01:00:34.020
I feel like it's not sustainable.

1061
01:00:34.020 --> 01:00:37.020
I feel like it's a slippery slope, however you want to word it.

1062
01:00:37.020 --> 01:00:43.060
And so I would like for us to really put some boundaries up of, first of all, you're not

1063
01:00:43.060 --> 01:00:44.060
doing this in public.

1064
01:00:44.060 --> 01:00:49.400
You're doing this at your house, someone's house, you're doing it in private somewhere.

1065
01:00:49.400 --> 01:00:55.500
So if it's not sustainable for you to hang out in private, because it escalates to this

1066
01:00:55.500 --> 01:00:58.860
laying on the couch, watching movies together, then don't do that anymore.

1067
01:00:58.860 --> 01:00:59.860
Yeah.

1068
01:00:59.860 --> 01:01:01.580
Actually, we haven't been in each other's houses.

1069
01:01:01.580 --> 01:01:03.020
It's just, it's just in the vehicle.

1070
01:01:03.020 --> 01:01:04.020
Oh no.

1071
01:01:04.020 --> 01:01:05.020
What are we in high school now?

1072
01:01:05.020 --> 01:01:06.020
What are we doing?

1073
01:01:06.020 --> 01:01:07.020
No.

1074
01:01:07.020 --> 01:01:08.020
Right.

1075
01:01:08.020 --> 01:01:09.660
That's what, that's how I feel about that too.

1076
01:01:09.660 --> 01:01:14.140
So, and I'll be honest, I haven't verbalized everything as I should.

1077
01:01:14.140 --> 01:01:21.220
I've been praying since last Tuesday for help with the Holy spirit, with the right wording

1078
01:01:21.220 --> 01:01:25.940
to, to go into this conversation because what you said, that is how I feel about that.

1079
01:01:25.940 --> 01:01:29.340
So listen, he's either going to respect that boundary or he's not.

1080
01:01:29.340 --> 01:01:34.620
And if he doesn't, then he was, you know, interested more in the physical aspects of

1081
01:01:34.620 --> 01:01:37.740
the relationship than getting to know you emotionally and spiritually.

1082
01:01:37.740 --> 01:01:38.740
Yeah.

1083
01:01:38.740 --> 01:01:41.940
Cause I had said that that's one of the reasons why I won't even have him come into the house

1084
01:01:41.940 --> 01:01:48.300
because I don't feel that it would be a good idea because of the, of what we're talking

1085
01:01:48.300 --> 01:01:49.300
about.

1086
01:01:49.300 --> 01:01:50.980
So I mean, not, I mean,

1087
01:01:51.740 --> 01:01:52.740
you guys have been dating for, what'd you say?

1088
01:01:52.740 --> 01:01:53.740
Three months.

1089
01:01:53.740 --> 01:01:54.740
Yeah.

1090
01:01:54.740 --> 01:01:55.740
And he's never been in your house.

1091
01:01:55.740 --> 01:01:56.740
No.

1092
01:01:56.740 --> 01:01:59.580
I think there's a bigger problem here.

1093
01:01:59.580 --> 01:02:00.900
I mean, yeah, I can understand.

1094
01:02:00.900 --> 01:02:04.420
You don't want to come in at nighttime after a long day when all you're going to do is

1095
01:02:04.420 --> 01:02:08.460
just lay around on the couch together, but he's never seen your house.

1096
01:02:08.460 --> 01:02:12.100
Not even when he comes to pick you up, just come in the door and just be in your house

1097
01:02:12.100 --> 01:02:13.460
for a minute.

1098
01:02:13.460 --> 01:02:17.340
He's been in the doorway when he got me the flowers, but I've never invited him to come

1099
01:02:17.340 --> 01:02:18.340
in now.

1100
01:02:18.340 --> 01:02:19.340
Okay.

1101
01:02:19.340 --> 01:02:20.620
Well, we need to dig deeper into that.

1102
01:02:21.260 --> 01:02:25.300
Why you don't want him to come in you, but you're in a exclusive relationship with him

1103
01:02:25.300 --> 01:02:26.300
for three months.

1104
01:02:26.300 --> 01:02:27.860
Guys are adult people.

1105
01:02:27.860 --> 01:02:29.380
Why you don't even want him to come in your house.

1106
01:02:29.380 --> 01:02:33.340
I mean, you're not going to say yes to getting engaged in three months.

1107
01:02:33.340 --> 01:02:38.100
If he can't even come in your house and you haven't gone in his house either.

1108
01:02:38.100 --> 01:02:40.740
And then also you need to let him know to slow down.

1109
01:02:40.740 --> 01:02:44.700
You're not ready to be engaged in six months.

1110
01:02:44.700 --> 01:02:46.420
You know, you obviously aren't, you have it.

1111
01:02:46.420 --> 01:02:49.660
You don't even feel comfortable enough with this person to invite them in your house.

1112
01:02:49.660 --> 01:02:55.220
Well, one of the reasons why I wasn't having him in the house was because in some of the

1113
01:02:55.220 --> 01:03:00.980
videos that I listened to, I felt like it was advising not to do that at this point.

1114
01:03:00.980 --> 01:03:05.460
So I was just kind of going slow and a lot of our dates we've actually went out of town

1115
01:03:05.460 --> 01:03:06.460
for them.

1116
01:03:06.460 --> 01:03:10.020
I mean, they've been the same day dates, but we've been doing a lot of activities and things

1117
01:03:10.020 --> 01:03:11.020
like that.

1118
01:03:11.020 --> 01:03:16.060
So I was trying to get to the point I was planning on the next week or so of having

1119
01:03:16.060 --> 01:03:20.620
to the house, but I need to have this conversation first.

1120
01:03:20.620 --> 01:03:21.620
Yeah.

1121
01:03:21.620 --> 01:03:26.140
You definitely need to, you know, be able to have your boyfriend that you're an exclusive

1122
01:03:26.140 --> 01:03:31.340
relationship with over to your house, have dinner together and make dinner together.

1123
01:03:31.340 --> 01:03:32.780
You need to be able to do that.

1124
01:03:32.780 --> 01:03:36.740
If you don't feel like, you know, you can control yourself or he can control himself

1125
01:03:36.740 --> 01:03:37.740
in your house.

1126
01:03:37.740 --> 01:03:39.740
And there's just a bigger conversation.

1127
01:03:39.740 --> 01:03:44.660
It's either a exaggerated fear on your part that we need to get you healed from, or you

1128
01:03:44.660 --> 01:03:46.140
just get a vibe from him.

1129
01:03:46.140 --> 01:03:47.140
That's not trustworthy.

1130
01:03:47.140 --> 01:03:50.180
And either, either of those things we would need to address.

1131
01:03:50.180 --> 01:03:51.180
Okay.

1132
01:03:51.180 --> 01:03:52.180
Cool.

1133
01:03:52.180 --> 01:03:53.180
Yeah.

1134
01:03:53.180 --> 01:03:54.180
I mean, I'm worried.

1135
01:03:54.180 --> 01:03:57.260
I'm more concerned that it has something to do with myself because actually I do feel

1136
01:03:57.260 --> 01:04:01.300
safer with him than I've felt with anybody else I've ever dated before, including my

1137
01:04:01.300 --> 01:04:02.300
ex-husband.

1138
01:04:02.300 --> 01:04:03.300
Okay.

1139
01:04:03.300 --> 01:04:08.620
Well, you guys, I tell all of you this, and Melissa is a perfect example of this.

1140
01:04:08.620 --> 01:04:13.540
Nothing is going to bring unhealed stuff to the surface faster than, you know, intimate

1141
01:04:13.540 --> 01:04:15.980
relationship, faster than exclusive relationship.

1142
01:04:15.980 --> 01:04:18.520
It's going to bring it to the surface really fast.

1143
01:04:18.520 --> 01:04:21.260
And so it's bringing it to the surface and we're just going to address it.

1144
01:04:21.260 --> 01:04:22.260
Okay.

1145
01:04:22.260 --> 01:04:23.940
Are you in level two or three?

1146
01:04:23.940 --> 01:04:24.940
Three.

1147
01:04:24.940 --> 01:04:25.940
Okay.

1148
01:04:25.940 --> 01:04:27.540
So make sure that you're checking in.

1149
01:04:27.540 --> 01:04:31.340
I want to see you in there checking in, letting us know, did you baby steps?

1150
01:04:31.340 --> 01:04:33.100
Did you invite him over for dinner?

1151
01:04:33.100 --> 01:04:34.700
You know, did you make dinner for him?

1152
01:04:34.700 --> 01:04:36.380
You know, go see his apartment.

1153
01:04:36.380 --> 01:04:41.980
Like if this man's a hoarder, you need to know that y'all, you need to know, you don't

1154
01:04:41.980 --> 01:04:43.980
know a person until you've been in their living space.

1155
01:04:43.980 --> 01:04:46.220
And then you're like, Oh, well, I don't know about those.

1156
01:04:46.220 --> 01:04:47.700
They live like a college student.

1157
01:04:47.700 --> 01:04:52.980
They might just have like a box that they like as a coffee table and like a, like a

1158
01:04:52.980 --> 01:04:53.980
lawn chair.

1159
01:04:53.980 --> 01:04:54.980
Yeah.

1160
01:04:54.980 --> 01:04:57.540
I mean, I've actually been to his son's house.

1161
01:04:57.540 --> 01:04:59.980
That might sound weird, but.

1162
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.720
I've been there with his, with his sons, but not because you haven't been to his house

1163
01:05:05.720 --> 01:05:07.320
and that's where your block is.

1164
01:05:07.320 --> 01:05:10.400
So once again, go during the daytime.

1165
01:05:10.400 --> 01:05:11.400
Okay.

1166
01:05:11.400 --> 01:05:12.760
Don't lay around on the couch.

1167
01:05:12.760 --> 01:05:13.760
You're going to be fine.

1168
01:05:13.760 --> 01:05:17.800
It's going to be good, but let's take a step forward of seeing what that's about.

1169
01:05:17.800 --> 01:05:19.840
See how you feel and check in with us.

1170
01:05:19.840 --> 01:05:20.840
Okay.

1171
01:05:20.840 --> 01:05:21.840
Okay.

1172
01:05:21.840 --> 01:05:22.840
Thank you.

1173
01:05:22.840 --> 01:05:23.840
Thank you guys.

1174
01:05:23.840 --> 01:05:28.320
This brings up a whole nother topic that I have here and that is dating safety.

1175
01:05:28.320 --> 01:05:33.960
Now she knows this guy, she's met his kids, you know, she's been going out with him exclusively

1176
01:05:33.960 --> 01:05:34.960
for three months.

1177
01:05:34.960 --> 01:05:40.000
And so, all right, but some of you are going way too fast with strangers.

1178
01:05:40.000 --> 01:05:41.000
Okay.

1179
01:05:41.000 --> 01:05:47.320
We need to keep dates with people that nobody else knows them except for us, meaning that

1180
01:05:47.320 --> 01:05:49.280
you don't know anyone that knows them.

1181
01:05:49.280 --> 01:05:50.760
They're not known in your community.

1182
01:05:50.760 --> 01:05:53.240
They're not in your circle.

1183
01:05:53.240 --> 01:05:57.920
You met them on the internet, on a dating app, or you met them somewhere.

1184
01:05:58.520 --> 01:05:59.800
They asked you out at a grocery store, whatever.

1185
01:05:59.800 --> 01:06:01.520
They're a stranger to you.

1186
01:06:01.520 --> 01:06:06.040
You need to keep your dates during the day and in public places.

1187
01:06:06.040 --> 01:06:07.440
Okay.

1188
01:06:07.440 --> 01:06:13.180
No nighttime dates, no cocktail dates, no drinking, no drinking on these dates with

1189
01:06:13.180 --> 01:06:14.480
these people that you don't know.

1190
01:06:14.480 --> 01:06:16.840
Oh, I went out with him once and he was great.

1191
01:06:16.840 --> 01:06:17.840
So what?

1192
01:06:17.840 --> 01:06:19.160
That was one time.

1193
01:06:19.160 --> 01:06:21.440
You don't know this person.

1194
01:06:21.440 --> 01:06:23.320
Daytime dates.

1195
01:06:23.320 --> 01:06:27.240
And I really hate to even have to say this, you guys, but somebody that I know went on

1196
01:06:27.560 --> 01:06:30.160
a date with someone from the internet and it did not end well.

1197
01:06:30.160 --> 01:06:32.520
She's alive, but it wasn't good.

1198
01:06:32.520 --> 01:06:33.520
Okay.

1199
01:06:33.520 --> 01:06:38.080
And so without getting into details, daytime dates, public places.

1200
01:06:38.080 --> 01:06:39.440
All right.

1201
01:06:39.440 --> 01:06:42.560
And as you're getting to know someone, let's get to know who they know.

1202
01:06:42.560 --> 01:06:47.640
If you're really, really, you know, just connecting with this person, you feel like you've known

1203
01:06:47.640 --> 01:06:48.800
them all your life.

1204
01:06:48.800 --> 01:06:50.000
You want to get to know them better.

1205
01:06:50.000 --> 01:06:51.280
It's really exciting and fun.

1206
01:06:51.280 --> 01:06:56.000
I'm trying to give you the right amount of soberness about this without creating fear.

1207
01:06:56.000 --> 01:07:00.880
I'm not trying to create fear, but some people are doing dumb stuff.

1208
01:07:00.880 --> 01:07:02.280
They're going out at nighttime.

1209
01:07:02.280 --> 01:07:06.040
They're going back to people's houses with them because they had so much fun to go back

1210
01:07:06.040 --> 01:07:09.240
and hang out and watch movies or TV.

1211
01:07:09.240 --> 01:07:12.000
You don't know this person.

1212
01:07:12.000 --> 01:07:15.000
They're letting them pick them up in their car.

1213
01:07:15.000 --> 01:07:17.640
No, you drive your own car.

1214
01:07:17.640 --> 01:07:18.640
You meet them there.

1215
01:07:18.640 --> 01:07:20.120
You tell other people where you're going.

1216
01:07:20.120 --> 01:07:23.880
You put some people, you guys, you know, there's an app called find my friends.

1217
01:07:23.880 --> 01:07:24.960
Keep your location on.

1218
01:07:24.960 --> 01:07:29.520
Let other people know where you are right this year, 2025, unfortunately, we have to

1219
01:07:29.520 --> 01:07:30.520
say this.

1220
01:07:30.520 --> 01:07:32.120
I believe you're God defended.

1221
01:07:32.120 --> 01:07:38.840
Also, if, if your gut is telling you that something's off, then listen to your gut.

1222
01:07:38.840 --> 01:07:40.760
We'll sort it out later.

1223
01:07:40.760 --> 01:07:44.600
Some of you are like, you know, you have filters on and you're just all stranger danger and

1224
01:07:44.600 --> 01:07:45.600
all the things.

1225
01:07:45.600 --> 01:07:46.600
Okay.

1226
01:07:46.600 --> 01:07:50.320
Remember this coaching is for the, who the coaching is for some of you, you need a whole

1227
01:07:50.320 --> 01:07:52.480
different set of coaching right now.

1228
01:07:52.480 --> 01:07:53.480
Okay.

1229
01:07:53.480 --> 01:07:56.040
Because you're always in stranger danger and you don't trust anyone.

1230
01:07:56.040 --> 01:07:57.040
Okay.

1231
01:07:57.040 --> 01:08:00.480
But the rest of us, we can trust our intuition because we've done our hard work.

1232
01:08:00.480 --> 01:08:04.520
And so we need to make sure that we are paying attention.

1233
01:08:04.520 --> 01:08:05.520
I just lost you guys.

1234
01:08:05.520 --> 01:08:12.800
We need to make sure that we're paying attention when our gut is telling us that something

1235
01:08:12.800 --> 01:08:15.080
doesn't add up, right?

1236
01:08:15.080 --> 01:08:20.399
What the heck happened here?

1237
01:08:20.399 --> 01:08:21.399
What is this?

1238
01:08:21.399 --> 01:08:22.399
Hold on.

1239
01:08:22.399 --> 01:08:25.399
The it department's helping me.

1240
01:08:25.399 --> 01:08:42.479
Hey, Dave, see complimentary opposites, beauty and the geek.

1241
01:08:42.479 --> 01:08:43.479
All right.

1242
01:08:43.479 --> 01:08:46.080
Not going to tell you which one is which.

1243
01:08:46.080 --> 01:08:47.080
Okay.

1244
01:08:48.080 --> 01:08:49.840
So Clayton's like, I still see you.

1245
01:08:49.840 --> 01:08:50.840
Okay.

1246
01:08:50.840 --> 01:08:51.840
But I didn't see you Clayton.

1247
01:08:51.840 --> 01:08:52.840
All right.

1248
01:08:52.840 --> 01:08:57.520
So, um, you guys be careful daytime dates in person and then get to know his people.

1249
01:08:57.520 --> 01:08:59.319
Make sure he's who he says he is.

1250
01:08:59.319 --> 01:09:00.319
Okay.

1251
01:09:00.319 --> 01:09:03.840
By the third or fourth day, let's be doing something with friends.

1252
01:09:03.840 --> 01:09:06.600
Let's hang out with friends, introduce him to your friends because your friends are going

1253
01:09:06.600 --> 01:09:09.319
to see them in a different way than you do.

1254
01:09:09.319 --> 01:09:10.319
Introduce him to your friends.

1255
01:09:10.319 --> 01:09:11.319
Raise your hand.

1256
01:09:11.319 --> 01:09:16.279
If you have like a bestie, a couple that you're friends with, um, just someone that you're

1257
01:09:16.479 --> 01:09:17.479
really good friends with.

1258
01:09:17.479 --> 01:09:18.479
All right.

1259
01:09:18.479 --> 01:09:19.479
Do something fun.

1260
01:09:19.479 --> 01:09:20.479
It's summertime.

1261
01:09:20.479 --> 01:09:21.479
Do something fun together.

1262
01:09:21.479 --> 01:09:26.760
Go to an outdoor concert, listen to some music together, invite him or her gentlemen.

1263
01:09:26.760 --> 01:09:28.319
This goes for you as well.

1264
01:09:28.319 --> 01:09:31.439
And I know gentlemen, you're like, well, this is a really applied to us because you know,

1265
01:09:31.439 --> 01:09:34.680
we're not scared of a woman doing something nefarious to us.

1266
01:09:34.680 --> 01:09:40.359
No, but she might seduce you.

1267
01:09:40.359 --> 01:09:44.520
I've heard from plenty of my guys that, you know, they met some stranger that they didn't

1268
01:09:44.520 --> 01:09:45.520
know.

1269
01:09:45.520 --> 01:09:46.520
And there was attraction there.

1270
01:09:46.520 --> 01:09:49.680
And then the next thing they know they're doing things that they had no intention of

1271
01:09:49.680 --> 01:09:55.520
doing because, you know, there was alcohol involved and now she's seducing and manipulating

1272
01:09:55.520 --> 01:09:58.160
and trying to get them to do things.

1273
01:09:58.160 --> 01:09:59.320
I've heard this story before.

1274
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.600
Lots of times actually.

1275
01:10:01.600 --> 01:10:04.160
Okay, so bottom line is,

1276
01:10:04.160 --> 01:10:06.600
is that we wanna make sure that we're being safe.

1277
01:10:06.600 --> 01:10:09.360
All right, does anyone have any questions about safety?

1278
01:10:12.160 --> 01:10:13.840
We have about 15 minutes left of love seats.

1279
01:10:13.840 --> 01:10:15.760
Does anyone have any questions about anything

1280
01:10:15.760 --> 01:10:17.900
that we've talked about or,

1281
01:10:19.160 --> 01:10:20.200
and if you do have a question,

1282
01:10:20.200 --> 01:10:22.920
let's keep it less than 60 seconds long.

1283
01:10:22.920 --> 01:10:25.640
You can unmute yourself if you, okay, go ahead.

1284
01:10:25.640 --> 01:10:26.720
Thomas was hoping to get

1285
01:10:26.720 --> 01:10:28.560
into the love seat tonight as well.

1286
01:10:28.640 --> 01:10:32.100
Okay, all right, Thomas, you can.

1287
01:10:37.200 --> 01:10:38.280
Hey, do you hear me?

1288
01:10:38.280 --> 01:10:39.600
Yep.

1289
01:10:39.600 --> 01:10:40.760
Good to see you again.

1290
01:10:41.920 --> 01:10:44.840
Good, you might wanna turn down your volume just a tad.

1291
01:10:44.840 --> 01:10:45.680
Turn it down?

1292
01:10:45.680 --> 01:10:47.680
You're a little hot, yeah.

1293
01:10:47.680 --> 01:10:48.520
How's that?

1294
01:10:51.760 --> 01:10:53.160
Is that better?

1295
01:10:53.160 --> 01:10:54.840
I mean, you just talk softly

1296
01:10:54.840 --> 01:10:56.000
cause you're just a little bit hot.

1297
01:10:56.000 --> 01:10:57.200
Your audio is hot.

1298
01:10:57.200 --> 01:10:58.440
It's a little, it's loud.

1299
01:10:59.280 --> 01:11:00.120
Your mic.

1300
01:11:00.120 --> 01:11:01.200
Okay.

1301
01:11:01.200 --> 01:11:02.040
Okay, hi.

1302
01:11:02.040 --> 01:11:03.360
Okay, that volume good, hi.

1303
01:11:03.360 --> 01:11:05.880
It sounds like he has his TV on or something.

1304
01:11:06.840 --> 01:11:07.760
That's okay, you guys.

1305
01:11:07.760 --> 01:11:09.320
He's somewhere, he's in public somewhere.

1306
01:11:09.320 --> 01:11:10.280
Okay, go ahead.

1307
01:11:10.280 --> 01:11:11.540
That's correct.

1308
01:11:11.540 --> 01:11:13.840
So Jackie, I wanted to follow up

1309
01:11:13.840 --> 01:11:15.840
and the basic question I have is,

1310
01:11:17.120 --> 01:11:19.560
I had the heart check-in with the woman

1311
01:11:19.560 --> 01:11:21.000
that I was telling you about

1312
01:11:21.000 --> 01:11:23.840
and the way it ended was.

1313
01:11:23.840 --> 01:11:26.160
Just so you know, I read your entire thing.

1314
01:11:26.160 --> 01:11:27.000
Yeah, okay.

1315
01:11:27.000 --> 01:11:27.840
Okay.

1316
01:11:27.840 --> 01:11:29.280
And basically since then,

1317
01:11:31.320 --> 01:11:33.560
we actually didn't have a conclusion on the heart check-in

1318
01:11:33.560 --> 01:11:36.520
so I never actually invited her to come back here again.

1319
01:11:36.520 --> 01:11:38.200
Okay, I think that was wise.

1320
01:11:41.640 --> 01:11:46.120
But what I wanna do now is finish the heart check-in, right?

1321
01:11:46.120 --> 01:11:50.520
It's been a lot slower communication lately and...

1322
01:11:55.200 --> 01:11:56.440
I'm not sure what's going on

1323
01:11:56.440 --> 01:11:58.760
and I don't think she knows what's going on.

1324
01:11:58.760 --> 01:12:01.720
And I think that the best thing to do is actually,

1325
01:12:01.720 --> 01:12:04.760
I'd like to go play an away game

1326
01:12:04.760 --> 01:12:07.280
and go down there and visit her

1327
01:12:07.280 --> 01:12:09.600
and be in her scene

1328
01:12:09.600 --> 01:12:11.980
and be able to interact with her and her friends.

1329
01:12:11.980 --> 01:12:14.480
And I think that would be a good thing to do.

1330
01:12:14.480 --> 01:12:16.440
How often is she talking to you

1331
01:12:16.440 --> 01:12:19.320
since you kind of told her,

1332
01:12:19.320 --> 01:12:21.200
when you just put yourself out there?

1333
01:12:21.200 --> 01:12:23.720
How often have you talking together?

1334
01:12:24.240 --> 01:12:27.960
Yeah, so basically that...

1335
01:12:27.960 --> 01:12:30.160
You can suppress the noise in the background.

1336
01:12:30.160 --> 01:12:31.200
Do you know how to do that?

1337
01:12:31.200 --> 01:12:32.240
No, how do I do that?

1338
01:12:35.320 --> 01:12:37.120
Are you on your laptop?

1339
01:12:37.120 --> 01:12:37.960
Yeah.

1340
01:12:40.360 --> 01:12:41.200
What?

1341
01:12:41.200 --> 01:12:42.320
It's in your settings.

1342
01:12:43.560 --> 01:12:46.600
I'm just trying to think of where it is in the settings.

1343
01:12:46.600 --> 01:12:47.960
Settings.

1344
01:12:47.960 --> 01:12:48.800
You see it?

1345
01:12:48.800 --> 01:12:49.640
Background.

1346
01:12:49.640 --> 01:12:50.480
Audio.

1347
01:12:53.080 --> 01:12:53.920
Audio.

1348
01:12:59.920 --> 01:13:02.600
I'm not seeing how to do that.

1349
01:13:02.600 --> 01:13:05.120
Zoom background noise removal, does that work?

1350
01:13:05.120 --> 01:13:05.960
Yeah.

1351
01:13:05.960 --> 01:13:06.880
Does that sound better?

1352
01:13:06.880 --> 01:13:07.720
Yeah.

1353
01:13:07.720 --> 01:13:09.080
All right, awesome.

1354
01:13:09.080 --> 01:13:10.360
So basically, yeah.

1355
01:13:10.360 --> 01:13:13.840
So basically, I just want to be like,

1356
01:13:13.840 --> 01:13:16.760
hey, what's like, we have this phrase, LCN, right?

1357
01:13:16.760 --> 01:13:17.960
Like keep it a hundred.

1358
01:13:18.080 --> 01:13:19.840
Like, hey, let's have an LCN conversation

1359
01:13:19.840 --> 01:13:22.080
and like see what's going on.

1360
01:13:22.080 --> 01:13:27.040
And by the way, can I come back to Texas and hang out?

1361
01:13:27.040 --> 01:13:28.720
And that's what I'm trying to do.

1362
01:13:28.720 --> 01:13:31.240
And just wanted to get your sense on the best way to do it.

1363
01:13:31.240 --> 01:13:32.440
Because the way that,

1364
01:13:32.440 --> 01:13:34.320
like the way the initial heart check-in ended.

1365
01:13:34.320 --> 01:13:36.120
Did you hear my question about

1366
01:13:36.120 --> 01:13:39.720
how often have you guys talked since then?

1367
01:13:39.720 --> 01:13:41.440
I know that you shared the heart workbook.

1368
01:13:41.440 --> 01:13:43.920
You suggested you guys were together.

1369
01:13:45.200 --> 01:13:47.000
How often has she been talking to you?

1370
01:13:47.000 --> 01:13:48.560
When you reach out to her,

1371
01:13:48.560 --> 01:13:50.280
how long is it taking her to respond?

1372
01:13:50.280 --> 01:13:51.880
Are her responses short?

1373
01:13:51.880 --> 01:13:54.120
What, tell me about that.

1374
01:13:54.120 --> 01:13:56.120
So some of it has been,

1375
01:13:56.120 --> 01:13:57.360
we actually like took,

1376
01:13:57.360 --> 01:14:00.360
like we actually didn't talk for a few days after that.

1377
01:14:00.360 --> 01:14:01.840
And part of that was because I told her,

1378
01:14:01.840 --> 01:14:03.560
hey, I'm going on this retreat

1379
01:14:03.560 --> 01:14:07.560
and you know, I'm not going to be as available as normal.

1380
01:14:07.560 --> 01:14:09.720
And then after that, sent some texts, you know,

1381
01:14:09.720 --> 01:14:11.160
hey, I was thinking of you, praying for you,

1382
01:14:11.160 --> 01:14:14.280
sent some pictures, you know, and she hearted them.

1383
01:14:14.320 --> 01:14:16.960
And then, you know, she texted back to me

1384
01:14:16.960 --> 01:14:21.120
and then we tried to connect via phone.

1385
01:14:21.120 --> 01:14:23.000
I missed her and then she missed me.

1386
01:14:23.000 --> 01:14:25.880
And then we weren't able to get back on the phone.

1387
01:14:25.880 --> 01:14:30.720
And then I actually sent her,

1388
01:14:30.720 --> 01:14:32.640
I thought it was a Holy Spirit thing.

1389
01:14:32.640 --> 01:14:34.840
I sent her some flowers

1390
01:14:34.840 --> 01:14:36.840
and she ended up thanking me for them.

1391
01:14:36.840 --> 01:14:38.680
And, oh, you know, they're so beautiful.

1392
01:14:38.680 --> 01:14:41.520
And, you know, thank you so much for a thoughtful gift.

1393
01:14:41.520 --> 01:14:44.120
And, you know, we exchanged some audio notes,

1394
01:14:44.960 --> 01:14:47.120
but we actually haven't talked actually since then.

1395
01:14:47.120 --> 01:14:52.120
And again, the way that ended is like when I brought it up,

1396
01:14:52.440 --> 01:14:54.480
it was like, you could see the emotional pinball

1397
01:14:54.480 --> 01:14:56.680
going on inside of her.

1398
01:14:56.680 --> 01:14:59.800
And so we, like, it's almost like clarity on,

1399
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.700
Like, are we dating still?

1400
01:15:01.700 --> 01:15:03.620
Are we getting to know each other's friends?

1401
01:15:03.620 --> 01:15:04.860
Like what's going on?

1402
01:15:04.860 --> 01:15:06.140
Because she did express,

1403
01:15:06.140 --> 01:15:08.500
hey, I really want to continue to get to know you.

1404
01:15:08.500 --> 01:15:09.980
And I did too.

1405
01:15:09.980 --> 01:15:12.260
And so in terms of, yeah,

1406
01:15:12.260 --> 01:15:14.100
just getting clarity on the situation.

1407
01:15:14.100 --> 01:15:15.300
I think it's fine for you.

1408
01:15:15.300 --> 01:15:18.180
The enough time has gone past from that conversation

1409
01:15:18.180 --> 01:15:20.340
for you to just have an update conversation,

1410
01:15:20.340 --> 01:15:22.220
just a heart check in, like you said,

1411
01:15:22.220 --> 01:15:24.020
and just say, hey, where are you at?

1412
01:15:24.020 --> 01:15:24.940
This is where I'm at.

1413
01:15:24.940 --> 01:15:27.380
I want to continue to get to know you.

1414
01:15:27.380 --> 01:15:28.500
It's easy, you know, is that,

1415
01:15:28.520 --> 01:15:30.160
because remember the last conversation

1416
01:15:30.160 --> 01:15:33.280
you were giving her an out of whether or not,

1417
01:15:33.280 --> 01:15:35.600
you know, she wanted to get to know you or not.

1418
01:15:35.600 --> 01:15:37.920
And gentlemen, the reason why Thomas decided to do that,

1419
01:15:37.920 --> 01:15:38.960
you know, after, you know,

1420
01:15:38.960 --> 01:15:40.660
some counsel and coaching with me

1421
01:15:40.660 --> 01:15:44.560
is because a lot of times women are just being very polite.

1422
01:15:44.560 --> 01:15:46.200
You know, a lot of times people have been raised

1423
01:15:46.200 --> 01:15:48.800
to be like nice Christian people and polite.

1424
01:15:48.800 --> 01:15:50.200
And if they think you're a great guy,

1425
01:15:50.200 --> 01:15:51.920
but they're just not that into you,

1426
01:15:51.920 --> 01:15:53.800
this could linger on forever.

1427
01:15:53.800 --> 01:15:55.960
Okay, where you're really just being friend zoned

1428
01:15:55.960 --> 01:15:56.840
and you don't know it.

1429
01:15:56.840 --> 01:15:59.660
And so, you know, what he did is, you know, he said,

1430
01:15:59.660 --> 01:16:02.420
hey, I'm enjoying getting to know you.

1431
01:16:02.420 --> 01:16:04.820
I would like to, you know, get to know you better,

1432
01:16:04.820 --> 01:16:07.060
but you know, if you don't want to get to know me better,

1433
01:16:07.060 --> 01:16:08.820
cause they've been talking for a minute now,

1434
01:16:08.820 --> 01:16:10.860
then I'm basically giving you an out.

1435
01:16:10.860 --> 01:16:12.300
And also it's long distance, right?

1436
01:16:12.300 --> 01:16:13.820
How long distance is it?

1437
01:16:13.820 --> 01:16:15.280
She's in Texas, in Dallas.

1438
01:16:16.260 --> 01:16:17.420
But where are you?

1439
01:16:17.420 --> 01:16:18.340
Rhode Island.

1440
01:16:18.340 --> 01:16:20.180
Okay, it's a very long distance,

1441
01:16:20.180 --> 01:16:23.660
but you guys that in and of itself could be her hesitation.

1442
01:16:23.660 --> 01:16:26.420
And so, yes, she's had time to think about it.

1443
01:16:26.920 --> 01:16:28.600
I think without being pushy, you can just be like,

1444
01:16:28.600 --> 01:16:30.600
and I like that you guys have a code word of,

1445
01:16:30.600 --> 01:16:32.360
hey, a hundred percent.

1446
01:16:32.360 --> 01:16:34.960
Yeah, they kind of have a code word in Spanish of like,

1447
01:16:34.960 --> 01:16:36.760
it means just keep it a hundred percent,

1448
01:16:36.760 --> 01:16:37.900
meaning like real talk.

1449
01:16:37.900 --> 01:16:40.000
Like we're not, we're not going to pretend here.

1450
01:16:40.000 --> 01:16:42.640
This is, you know, you're allowed to just speak your truth.

1451
01:16:42.640 --> 01:16:44.600
And I think that you can go ahead and do that.

1452
01:16:44.600 --> 01:16:45.440
So when are you going to do that?

1453
01:16:45.440 --> 01:16:47.800
You can just call her up and just ask her, hey.

1454
01:16:49.060 --> 01:16:50.200
Yeah, I think that you should do it,

1455
01:16:50.200 --> 01:16:53.480
like at least voice or FaceTime if you can.

1456
01:16:53.480 --> 01:16:56.160
I don't think you should do that for a text message, no.

1457
01:16:56.900 --> 01:16:57.940
But like even to set up the conversation,

1458
01:16:57.940 --> 01:16:58.900
it'd just be a call.

1459
01:16:58.900 --> 01:17:00.900
Yeah, no, I mean, I would pin her down.

1460
01:17:00.900 --> 01:17:02.300
I would text her and just be like,

1461
01:17:02.300 --> 01:17:04.820
hey, we haven't actually talked for a minute.

1462
01:17:04.820 --> 01:17:06.380
You know, do you, do you have time?

1463
01:17:06.380 --> 01:17:08.140
Like if she doesn't make time to talk to you,

1464
01:17:08.140 --> 01:17:09.620
you have your answer.

1465
01:17:09.620 --> 01:17:10.460
Yeah.

1466
01:17:10.460 --> 01:17:11.900
If she doesn't make time to talk to you,

1467
01:17:11.900 --> 01:17:13.060
you already have your answer.

1468
01:17:13.060 --> 01:17:14.820
But if she does make time to talk to you,

1469
01:17:14.820 --> 01:17:16.300
then you can ask her that.

1470
01:17:16.300 --> 01:17:17.980
No pressure that it has to go anywhere,

1471
01:17:17.980 --> 01:17:19.180
but I want to come and visit you.

1472
01:17:19.180 --> 01:17:20.380
I'm going to see you again in person.

1473
01:17:20.380 --> 01:17:22.780
Cause you only seen each other in person once, right?

1474
01:17:22.780 --> 01:17:23.700
Exactly, yeah.

1475
01:17:23.720 --> 01:17:24.540
Okay.

1476
01:17:24.540 --> 01:17:27.000
So see if she'll allow that to happen.

1477
01:17:27.000 --> 01:17:31.360
You're willing to go to her and let's see where it goes.

1478
01:17:31.360 --> 01:17:32.640
Yeah, do it.

1479
01:17:32.640 --> 01:17:34.480
So you think set it up via text just to be like,

1480
01:17:34.480 --> 01:17:37.200
hey, you got time to have an LCM?

1481
01:17:37.200 --> 01:17:38.040
Yeah.

1482
01:17:38.040 --> 01:17:39.620
Yeah, because you guys talk.

1483
01:17:39.620 --> 01:17:41.680
I mean, you guys have talked and you do talk

1484
01:17:41.680 --> 01:17:44.220
and you haven't talked in a while.

1485
01:17:44.220 --> 01:17:46.880
And I think that you need to, yeah,

1486
01:17:46.880 --> 01:17:48.120
you need to do that on the phone.

1487
01:17:48.120 --> 01:17:50.320
You don't need to, don't just, first of all,

1488
01:17:50.320 --> 01:17:51.800
I don't know how this woman feels,

1489
01:17:51.800 --> 01:17:54.220
but people have told me that they don't like it

1490
01:17:54.220 --> 01:17:57.220
when people call them just out of nowhere

1491
01:17:57.220 --> 01:18:00.360
without like, without planning that.

1492
01:18:01.340 --> 01:18:02.580
Oh yeah, yeah.

1493
01:18:02.580 --> 01:18:04.140
And I think, yeah.

1494
01:18:04.140 --> 01:18:05.640
Okay.

1495
01:18:05.640 --> 01:18:06.480
That's fair.

1496
01:18:06.480 --> 01:18:08.420
Okay, Thomas, keep us posted, okay?

1497
01:18:08.420 --> 01:18:09.260
Thank you.

1498
01:18:09.260 --> 01:18:10.100
All right.

1499
01:18:10.100 --> 01:18:11.040
We're all rooting for you.

1500
01:18:11.040 --> 01:18:13.660
If it's the right thing, we're rooting for you.

1501
01:18:13.660 --> 01:18:15.000
And you guys, that's the most important thing

1502
01:18:15.000 --> 01:18:18.020
that I can say is that I want you guys

1503
01:18:18.020 --> 01:18:18.940
to all be encouraged.

1504
01:18:18.940 --> 01:18:21.660
I just posted a bunch of new success story pictures

1505
01:18:22.480 --> 01:18:23.800
in the women's group on phase three.

1506
01:18:23.800 --> 01:18:25.440
Phase two, I can't do that with you guys

1507
01:18:25.440 --> 01:18:26.360
because you're in the app

1508
01:18:26.360 --> 01:18:29.040
and only let me post one picture at a time.

1509
01:18:29.040 --> 01:18:32.180
But I do photo dumps in phase three when you get there,

1510
01:18:32.180 --> 01:18:36.040
because it has a bonus Facebook page, private page.

1511
01:18:36.040 --> 01:18:38.640
I do photo dumps of all kinds of people

1512
01:18:38.640 --> 01:18:40.760
that are getting engaged and getting married.

1513
01:18:40.760 --> 01:18:42.400
And I do that regularly.

1514
01:18:42.400 --> 01:18:45.320
So I post probably in the course of this year,

1515
01:18:45.320 --> 01:18:48.980
I've already posted, you know, 150 or more pictures.

1516
01:18:48.980 --> 01:18:49.820
All right.

1517
01:18:49.820 --> 01:18:52.160
We're only, what, in April right now.

1518
01:18:52.160 --> 01:18:54.720
And so I just want you to, in fact, you guys,

1519
01:18:54.720 --> 01:18:56.480
we had like, I think we had four students

1520
01:18:56.480 --> 01:18:57.720
get married last weekend.

1521
01:18:59.260 --> 01:19:01.200
I just really want to pump y'all up.

1522
01:19:01.200 --> 01:19:03.440
And all of them have been in for different amounts of time

1523
01:19:03.440 --> 01:19:04.960
in this program.

1524
01:19:04.960 --> 01:19:06.400
All of them, you know, were here,

1525
01:19:06.400 --> 01:19:08.960
not just for their spirit mate or for their love story,

1526
01:19:08.960 --> 01:19:11.420
but they were here for whatever God had for them.

1527
01:19:11.420 --> 01:19:14.780
Some of you guys, you need to put yourself out there

1528
01:19:14.780 --> 01:19:16.520
even when you're not perfect yet.

1529
01:19:16.520 --> 01:19:18.800
Some of you are waiting to lose the weight.

1530
01:19:18.800 --> 01:19:21.060
You're waiting to do whatever

1531
01:19:21.060 --> 01:19:22.340
in order to put yourself out there.

1532
01:19:22.340 --> 01:19:23.500
I don't just mean on dating apps.

1533
01:19:23.500 --> 01:19:24.980
I just mean to like open your heart,

1534
01:19:24.980 --> 01:19:26.260
put yourself out there.

1535
01:19:26.260 --> 01:19:28.740
I'm not even talking about apps right now at all.

1536
01:19:28.740 --> 01:19:30.220
In fact, I'm so sick of apps.

1537
01:19:30.220 --> 01:19:31.260
Just get the heck out.

1538
01:19:31.260 --> 01:19:32.100
Okay.

1539
01:19:34.020 --> 01:19:36.360
But you're not, you're not, you're not doing it.

1540
01:19:36.360 --> 01:19:38.900
You're not showing up in life

1541
01:19:38.900 --> 01:19:43.020
because you're waiting until you get something together.

1542
01:19:43.020 --> 01:19:46.100
And remember all this coaching is for different people,

1543
01:19:46.100 --> 01:19:47.980
but those people that that resonates with,

1544
01:19:48.000 --> 01:19:49.040
and that's what you've been doing.

1545
01:19:49.040 --> 01:19:51.560
You need to go ahead and get out there.

1546
01:19:51.560 --> 01:19:54.240
Let someone love you perfectly and perfectly.

1547
01:19:54.240 --> 01:19:56.320
You know, you're perfectly imperfect.

1548
01:19:56.320 --> 01:19:57.280
I'm talking to myself.

1549
01:19:57.280 --> 01:19:58.920
There's some things that I've been dragging my feet on

1550
01:19:58.920 --> 01:20:00.280
like launching my podcast.

1551
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.440
until I lose the 45 pounds of menopause weight.

1552
01:20:04.440 --> 01:20:06.360
I can't stand to see myself on camera.

1553
01:20:06.360 --> 01:20:09.760
And I'm just like, I'm giving myself the ick.

1554
01:20:09.760 --> 01:20:10.600
All right.

1555
01:20:10.600 --> 01:20:15.400
Menopause is, I would, if it was a, if it was a,

1556
01:20:15.400 --> 01:20:19.340
if it was a big burly, you know, monster dude,

1557
01:20:19.340 --> 01:20:20.880
I'd kick it in the wiener.

1558
01:20:20.880 --> 01:20:22.760
I really hate menopause so much.

1559
01:20:22.760 --> 01:20:24.240
Okay.

1560
01:20:24.240 --> 01:20:26.620
But it's an important stage that all of us ladies

1561
01:20:26.620 --> 01:20:27.460
are going to go through.

1562
01:20:27.460 --> 01:20:28.740
And so I've just been waiting.

1563
01:20:28.760 --> 01:20:30.520
I'm just going to be confession time right now.

1564
01:20:30.520 --> 01:20:32.200
I'm like, okay, when I lose all this weight

1565
01:20:32.200 --> 01:20:33.800
that I've gained in the last two years

1566
01:20:33.800 --> 01:20:37.280
of perimenopause and menopause, then I'll do it.

1567
01:20:37.280 --> 01:20:39.500
I'm just going to go ahead and do it.

1568
01:20:39.500 --> 01:20:40.340
All right.

1569
01:20:40.340 --> 01:20:42.320
And you guys, I'm starting to work with a trainer

1570
01:20:42.320 --> 01:20:43.180
and do all this stuff.

1571
01:20:43.180 --> 01:20:44.840
Nothing has worked so far,

1572
01:20:44.840 --> 01:20:47.480
but before I go through all this trouble,

1573
01:20:47.480 --> 01:20:49.280
is there anyone that just likes me fat?

1574
01:20:49.280 --> 01:20:50.120
Do you like me?

1575
01:20:50.120 --> 01:20:53.920
Just, I mean, if you like me fat, maybe I'll just,

1576
01:20:53.920 --> 01:20:55.200
maybe I'm more relatable.

1577
01:20:56.060 --> 01:20:59.060
Let's just, you know, let's go.

1578
01:20:59.060 --> 01:21:02.180
But some of you, you need to just take my cue

1579
01:21:02.180 --> 01:21:03.860
and you need to go ahead and get out there,

1580
01:21:03.860 --> 01:21:06.180
regardless of whether you have the thing together yet.

1581
01:21:06.180 --> 01:21:07.180
You're waiting for some,

1582
01:21:07.180 --> 01:21:09.140
I feel like the Holy Spirit's in this now.

1583
01:21:09.140 --> 01:21:11.320
You have like some eczema situation,

1584
01:21:11.320 --> 01:21:13.260
some skin thing that you're waiting to clear up

1585
01:21:13.260 --> 01:21:14.560
before you get out there.

1586
01:21:14.560 --> 01:21:16.460
No, trust me.

1587
01:21:16.460 --> 01:21:19.980
I couldn't scare David away with all kinds of things

1588
01:21:19.980 --> 01:21:21.720
that I tried to tell him about myself

1589
01:21:21.720 --> 01:21:23.460
to get him to run away, but he did it.

1590
01:21:23.460 --> 01:21:25.360
Here we are, 18 years later.

1591
01:21:25.360 --> 01:21:26.200
All right.

1592
01:21:26.200 --> 01:21:27.600
If you're waiting for, you know,

1593
01:21:27.600 --> 01:21:30.960
that crazy situation with your toxic ex in custody

1594
01:21:30.960 --> 01:21:33.480
to clear up, I know that it seems like

1595
01:21:33.480 --> 01:21:34.640
you should wait for that,

1596
01:21:34.640 --> 01:21:36.840
but you've been waiting for years now.

1597
01:21:36.840 --> 01:21:39.040
I think it's just time, okay?

1598
01:21:39.040 --> 01:21:41.880
Some of you, you're waiting on all kinds of different things.

1599
01:21:41.880 --> 01:21:43.640
Guys, you could be waiting on

1600
01:21:43.640 --> 01:21:45.080
making a certain amount of money.

1601
01:21:45.080 --> 01:21:48.760
You could be waiting on, you know,

1602
01:21:48.760 --> 01:21:50.560
till you get a different car, you know,

1603
01:21:50.560 --> 01:21:53.120
because you want to put your best foot forward.

1604
01:21:53.780 --> 01:21:55.420
You could be waiting on all kinds of things.

1605
01:21:55.420 --> 01:21:56.760
Don't wait.

1606
01:21:56.760 --> 01:21:57.600
Right?

1607
01:21:57.600 --> 01:21:59.620
And then for the rest of you,

1608
01:21:59.620 --> 01:22:01.060
that that doesn't apply to,

1609
01:22:01.060 --> 01:22:02.220
well, not the rest of you,

1610
01:22:02.220 --> 01:22:04.620
to a whole different group of you,

1611
01:22:04.620 --> 01:22:05.500
I just felt this.

1612
01:22:05.500 --> 01:22:07.180
These are the two things that I felt in my spirit

1613
01:22:07.180 --> 01:22:08.780
before I got on, is telling all of you

1614
01:22:08.780 --> 01:22:11.000
that I've been waiting till you got it perfectly

1615
01:22:11.000 --> 01:22:12.140
to get out there.

1616
01:22:12.140 --> 01:22:14.740
Some of you are kind of in really crazy transition

1617
01:22:14.740 --> 01:22:16.300
and you're waiting to be out of transition

1618
01:22:16.300 --> 01:22:17.860
before you kind of put yourself out there

1619
01:22:17.860 --> 01:22:20.980
and open your heart and surrender the pen to God.

1620
01:22:21.000 --> 01:22:23.240
Some of you are saying, okay, yeah, God, not yet,

1621
01:22:23.240 --> 01:22:25.600
because I don't have this transition down.

1622
01:22:25.600 --> 01:22:26.960
You don't know that maybe your spirit

1623
01:22:26.960 --> 01:22:28.820
makes the key to your transition.

1624
01:22:28.820 --> 01:22:30.280
You have no idea.

1625
01:22:30.280 --> 01:22:31.120
All right?

1626
01:22:31.120 --> 01:22:32.720
So if that resonates with you, take that.

1627
01:22:32.720 --> 01:22:33.680
All right?

1628
01:22:33.680 --> 01:22:34.980
But then there's others of you

1629
01:22:34.980 --> 01:22:36.760
that I really sensed in my spirit.

1630
01:22:36.760 --> 01:22:39.040
This was the other thing before I came on tonight,

1631
01:22:39.040 --> 01:22:41.540
that you've been working this like a job

1632
01:22:41.540 --> 01:22:45.200
and now your full focus is just where are they at?

1633
01:22:45.200 --> 01:22:46.320
And I'm going to find them.

1634
01:22:46.320 --> 01:22:49.720
And you're just like, you know, making, you know,

1635
01:22:49.720 --> 01:22:51.660
this person before you've ever even met them,

1636
01:22:51.660 --> 01:22:53.940
your source instead of God.

1637
01:22:53.940 --> 01:22:55.260
Okay?

1638
01:22:55.260 --> 01:22:57.200
This is why churches say stuff like,

1639
01:22:57.200 --> 01:22:58.860
don't make marriage an idol.

1640
01:22:59.900 --> 01:23:00.740
Okay?

1641
01:23:00.740 --> 01:23:02.540
That's why they say that stuff.

1642
01:23:02.540 --> 01:23:05.460
Because some people will just think that this thing over

1643
01:23:05.460 --> 01:23:07.000
here is the magic bullet of happiness

1644
01:23:07.000 --> 01:23:09.260
and I just need to get to it.

1645
01:23:09.260 --> 01:23:11.020
And I can't be happy until I get to it.

1646
01:23:11.020 --> 01:23:12.680
I can't live my life until I get to it.

1647
01:23:12.680 --> 01:23:13.620
My full focus.

1648
01:23:13.620 --> 01:23:16.300
In fact, you're here and all you do all the time

1649
01:23:16.300 --> 01:23:18.540
is complain that you're not meeting anyone on the apps,

1650
01:23:18.540 --> 01:23:19.620
that you're not on a date.

1651
01:23:20.400 --> 01:23:23.400
You're not this instead of partaking of all of the other

1652
01:23:23.400 --> 01:23:27.880
beautiful accelerations and upgrades that are available

1653
01:23:27.880 --> 01:23:30.480
because you just have a one track focus.

1654
01:23:30.480 --> 01:23:32.840
And that thing is not happening.

1655
01:23:32.840 --> 01:23:35.880
And so you need to take your cue and understand that

1656
01:23:35.880 --> 01:23:38.880
there's probably some other Jenga pieces that God wants to

1657
01:23:38.880 --> 01:23:41.000
pull out before that one gets pulled out.

1658
01:23:41.000 --> 01:23:42.180
Okay?

1659
01:23:42.180 --> 01:23:44.040
And so let's get our focus.

1660
01:23:44.040 --> 01:23:45.840
Keep the main thing, the main thing.

1661
01:23:46.820 --> 01:23:48.980
Maybe you need to take a little sabbatical,

1662
01:23:51.140 --> 01:23:55.100
take a little sabbatical from the apps and focus in on the

1663
01:23:55.100 --> 01:23:58.160
spiritual empowerment that's available here, right?

1664
01:23:58.160 --> 01:24:01.320
The relational empowerment that's here.

1665
01:24:01.320 --> 01:24:04.540
And instead of just frustrating yourself and spinning your

1666
01:24:04.540 --> 01:24:05.420
wheels over here,

1667
01:24:05.420 --> 01:24:08.580
because you've just gotten it all out of balance now.

1668
01:24:08.580 --> 01:24:09.420
Okay.

1669
01:24:09.420 --> 01:24:10.620
I don't know who that's for.

1670
01:24:10.620 --> 01:24:13.620
I know that's hard because that's just what you want.

1671
01:24:13.640 --> 01:24:16.520
And that's the thing that you want more than anything else.

1672
01:24:16.520 --> 01:24:17.920
And I get it.

1673
01:24:17.920 --> 01:24:18.760
And guess what?

1674
01:24:18.760 --> 01:24:20.760
I believe it's going to happen.

1675
01:24:20.760 --> 01:24:21.640
I do.

1676
01:24:21.640 --> 01:24:23.320
I believe it's going to happen.

1677
01:24:23.320 --> 01:24:24.160
All right.

1678
01:24:24.160 --> 01:24:27.720
So let's focus on enjoying the season.

1679
01:24:27.720 --> 01:24:29.560
Spring is here.

1680
01:24:29.560 --> 01:24:30.780
Summer's coming.

1681
01:24:31.680 --> 01:24:33.680
Some of you guys, you just need to, you know,

1682
01:24:33.680 --> 01:24:36.080
I just said some of you need to just be perfectly imperfect

1683
01:24:36.080 --> 01:24:37.060
and just step out there.

1684
01:24:37.060 --> 01:24:39.040
But some of you know that there are some very specific

1685
01:24:39.040 --> 01:24:40.800
things that you should be working on.

1686
01:24:40.800 --> 01:24:42.060
Let's work on that stuff.

1687
01:24:42.640 --> 01:24:44.320
Let's work on it.

1688
01:24:44.320 --> 01:24:45.600
Let's work on that stuff.

1689
01:24:45.600 --> 01:24:46.480
Okay.

1690
01:24:46.480 --> 01:24:47.320
All right.

1691
01:24:47.320 --> 01:24:48.360
We have one minute left.

1692
01:24:51.240 --> 01:24:53.800
All of the people that got married last weekend,

1693
01:24:55.400 --> 01:24:57.140
one of them, you guys,

1694
01:24:57.140 --> 01:24:59.680
she's probably one of my hardest private clients.

1695
01:24:59.680 --> 01:25:00.520
It got.

1696
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.480
Married she lives out in LA and all she did was complain, complain, complain,

1697
01:25:04.480 --> 01:25:10.240
complain about men, complain and complain about how there's no good men and all

1698
01:25:10.240 --> 01:25:13.280
they want to sex and this and that and all the things.

1699
01:25:13.280 --> 01:25:15.620
And, you know, um, she was a widow.

1700
01:25:15.640 --> 01:25:16.560
She was widowed young.

1701
01:25:16.560 --> 01:25:19.680
She's widowed in her early forties and she just wanted to be remarried.

1702
01:25:19.680 --> 01:25:22.820
And she was so scared that she wasn't going to get to have a baby and that

1703
01:25:22.820 --> 01:25:26.000
she was going to go into perimenopause or menopause before she met her husband.

1704
01:25:26.360 --> 01:25:31.360
And I mean, you guys, she was just got herself in a crazy little.

1705
01:25:32.100 --> 01:25:34.480
Mental emotional cyclone.

1706
01:25:36.320 --> 01:25:40.480
And so we helped bring, get her into a place of peace, get her into a place of

1707
01:25:40.480 --> 01:25:43.040
surrender, get her into a place of heartwork.

1708
01:25:43.560 --> 01:25:45.040
She got married last weekend.

1709
01:25:46.120 --> 01:25:47.800
She got married to someone who guess what?

1710
01:25:48.320 --> 01:25:50.360
She's like, there's no good guys in LA.

1711
01:25:50.400 --> 01:25:51.700
All of them are superficial.

1712
01:25:51.700 --> 01:25:53.080
None of them really love Jesus.

1713
01:25:53.080 --> 01:25:53.720
Well, guess what?

1714
01:25:53.720 --> 01:25:55.720
She must've married the one guy in LA.

1715
01:25:55.960 --> 01:26:00.780
That loves Jesus according to her old self, but she did, she married a great

1716
01:26:00.780 --> 01:26:03.960
man and she's so happy and she's a beautiful bride.

1717
01:26:03.960 --> 01:26:07.000
In fact, I'm going to post her on my Instagram probably in the next couple

1718
01:26:07.000 --> 01:26:13.840
of days, um, but very, very excited for her and for, you know, and for that

1719
01:26:13.840 --> 01:26:18.960
transformation and on top of that, she had a really strong type and guess

1720
01:26:18.960 --> 01:26:22.760
what her type was probably all the superficial guys in LA that don't love

1721
01:26:22.760 --> 01:26:23.280
Jesus.

1722
01:26:24.600 --> 01:26:27.720
It's like, well, if that's your type, then that's all you're going to notice.

1723
01:26:27.720 --> 01:26:29.280
And that's all you're going to think exists.

1724
01:26:30.080 --> 01:26:30.720
Am I wrong?

1725
01:26:32.760 --> 01:26:33.600
That's what you're looking for.

1726
01:26:33.600 --> 01:26:34.600
That's what you're going to find.

1727
01:26:35.720 --> 01:26:36.160
Okay.

1728
01:26:38.480 --> 01:26:38.880
All right.

1729
01:26:38.920 --> 01:26:43.040
Lots of you guys need to just take a breath, take a breath.

1730
01:26:43.320 --> 01:26:44.600
In fact, let's just take a little poll.

1731
01:26:44.600 --> 01:26:47.720
Cause I'm interested now, as we get off tonight, raise your hand.

1732
01:26:47.720 --> 01:26:51.880
Only if you were in the first category of you've just been waiting to just

1733
01:26:51.880 --> 01:26:55.280
get everything right and get it in alignment, you're waiting for something

1734
01:26:55.280 --> 01:27:00.240
to work itself out or transition to be over or some custody thing, or waiting

1735
01:27:00.240 --> 01:27:03.320
for, you know, your former spouse to fall off the face of the earth, because

1736
01:27:03.320 --> 01:27:06.480
you don't think anyone could ever co-parent with you with that person.

1737
01:27:06.840 --> 01:27:07.880
Um, raise your hand.

1738
01:27:07.880 --> 01:27:08.920
You're waiting to lose weight.

1739
01:27:08.920 --> 01:27:10.280
You're waiting to gain weight.

1740
01:27:10.280 --> 01:27:13.280
You're waiting for some kind of surgery that you're going to have, you know,

1741
01:27:13.280 --> 01:27:16.160
you're waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting.

1742
01:27:16.360 --> 01:27:17.440
Everybody get their hands up.

1743
01:27:18.960 --> 01:27:21.040
You've just been waiting, waiting, waiting.

1744
01:27:22.480 --> 01:27:23.000
Okay.

1745
01:27:23.680 --> 01:27:24.200
All right.

1746
01:27:24.520 --> 01:27:26.520
So you guys have your marching orders.

1747
01:27:26.560 --> 01:27:27.960
It's time to put yourself out there.

1748
01:27:28.240 --> 01:27:32.680
You're going to start here because you're not visible in your heart yet, because

1749
01:27:32.680 --> 01:27:34.800
you believe that you have disqualifications.

1750
01:27:35.600 --> 01:27:38.440
You guys, you have to release those disqualifications to the Lord, or

1751
01:27:38.440 --> 01:27:39.640
you're not going to be visible.

1752
01:27:40.120 --> 01:27:41.480
You're like, well, there's no one to date anymore.

1753
01:27:41.480 --> 01:27:42.400
I'm not going to date anyone.

1754
01:27:42.400 --> 01:27:43.400
I'm not going to date anyone.

1755
01:27:43.400 --> 01:27:44.280
I'm not going to date anyone.

1756
01:27:44.840 --> 01:27:46.400
You're like, well, there's no one to date anyway.

1757
01:27:46.480 --> 01:27:49.160
Well, you don't know because you're invisible.

1758
01:27:49.480 --> 01:27:49.720
Okay.

1759
01:27:49.720 --> 01:27:50.680
You're hidden right now.

1760
01:27:50.680 --> 01:27:54.040
So we've got to release those disqualifiers to the Lord.

1761
01:27:54.920 --> 01:27:57.000
Let him know that he's going to work that stuff out.

1762
01:27:57.040 --> 01:27:58.720
Someone can love us right where we are.

1763
01:27:58.760 --> 01:27:59.520
That's okay.

1764
01:27:59.960 --> 01:28:00.440
All right.

1765
01:28:00.600 --> 01:28:03.280
Make sure that whatever, if it's something to do with your health or your

1766
01:28:03.280 --> 01:28:06.280
weight or whatever, that you are working on that with the Lord, but you don't

1767
01:28:06.280 --> 01:28:07.880
have to wait until you have it.

1768
01:28:07.880 --> 01:28:08.400
Perfect.

1769
01:28:08.760 --> 01:28:08.920
All right.

1770
01:28:08.920 --> 01:28:10.080
I'm lowering those hands.

1771
01:28:10.440 --> 01:28:11.680
Now I want you to raise your hand.

1772
01:28:11.680 --> 01:28:14.680
Just honestly, if you've been working this like a job, you've

1773
01:28:14.680 --> 01:28:16.760
become really unbalanced with it.

1774
01:28:17.160 --> 01:28:18.240
You're just focusing on it.

1775
01:28:18.240 --> 01:28:20.120
You're allowing it to cause you anxiety.

1776
01:28:20.960 --> 01:28:21.600
Okay.

1777
01:28:21.920 --> 01:28:26.920
You've gotten just obsessed almost with what are you going to do?

1778
01:28:26.920 --> 01:28:27.840
Where are they?

1779
01:28:27.840 --> 01:28:29.200
How are you going to find them?

1780
01:28:30.560 --> 01:28:33.360
I think there's more people that should be raising their hand right now.

1781
01:28:34.680 --> 01:28:35.360
There you are.

1782
01:28:36.040 --> 01:28:36.720
Just be honest.

1783
01:28:36.720 --> 01:28:38.160
You guys, this is a safe space.

1784
01:28:41.280 --> 01:28:41.640
All right.

1785
01:28:41.840 --> 01:28:44.120
Now we're also just going to release that to the Lord.

1786
01:28:45.880 --> 01:28:46.320
And you know what?

1787
01:28:46.320 --> 01:28:49.440
We're going to ask God, we're going to ask God, okay, God, if that's not where

1788
01:28:49.440 --> 01:28:53.400
you want me to put my focus, you've got that you've got that God, right?

1789
01:28:53.400 --> 01:28:53.640
Okay.

1790
01:28:53.640 --> 01:28:54.240
You've got it.

1791
01:28:54.280 --> 01:28:55.240
I don't got to worry about it.

1792
01:28:55.240 --> 01:28:55.800
You've got it.

1793
01:28:56.400 --> 01:28:57.560
I don't have to have FOMO.

1794
01:28:57.600 --> 01:28:58.760
I don't have to have fear.

1795
01:28:59.080 --> 01:29:00.760
Then what do you want me to focus on?

1796
01:29:01.640 --> 01:29:03.000
Where should my focus be?

1797
01:29:03.600 --> 01:29:04.800
Should it be on my family?

1798
01:29:05.760 --> 01:29:09.280
Should it be on some preparation work I need to do?

1799
01:29:09.280 --> 01:29:10.600
I'm going to talk about inner healing work.

1800
01:29:10.600 --> 01:29:14.200
Maybe, maybe you get a lot of that here, but maybe something else,

1801
01:29:14.200 --> 01:29:15.520
maybe something more practical.

1802
01:29:16.520 --> 01:29:20.440
You might need to be focused on getting a better job or moving or just doing

1803
01:29:20.440 --> 01:29:22.320
something that you would not.

1804
01:29:24.960 --> 01:29:29.200
Focus on or do, because you're just waiting to, you're trying to go out and

1805
01:29:29.200 --> 01:29:33.120
grab this person and find this person so that you can better your life in other

1806
01:29:33.120 --> 01:29:33.640
areas.

1807
01:29:34.000 --> 01:29:34.480
Okay.

1808
01:29:34.640 --> 01:29:39.640
Let's let God show us something else because he's got this.

1809
01:29:39.680 --> 01:29:40.680
That's his word to you.

1810
01:29:40.720 --> 01:29:45.120
For those of you that have been working this like a job, he's got this surrender

1811
01:29:45.120 --> 01:29:45.640
it to him.

1812
01:29:46.720 --> 01:29:47.280
Let it go.

1813
01:29:47.600 --> 01:29:55.120
L I G it, let it go and let him show you where he wants you to focus right now in

1814
01:29:55.120 --> 01:29:59.560
the spring season and spring, and then be obedient and watch what happens.

1815
01:29:59.680 --> 01:30:00.040
All right.

1816
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.880
Someone's going to come back with a testimony. More than one person's going to come back with

1817
01:30:02.880 --> 01:30:07.200
a testimony and say that they really got off this call tonight and they had a little talk

1818
01:30:07.200 --> 01:30:12.640
with Jesus and they let it go. They might've even delete their apps. And then they focused

1819
01:30:12.640 --> 01:30:18.640
on whatever they felt was being highlighted that they really needed to focus on. And bam, Shazam,

1820
01:30:20.400 --> 01:30:24.960
everything came together. They crossed paths with their spirit mate. You guys,

1821
01:30:24.960 --> 01:30:28.720
one of the success stories that I just posted, I said, Hey, how'd you guys meet?

1822
01:30:28.720 --> 01:30:31.920
Cause the last time I talked to you, you were single as a Pringle ready to bangle.

1823
01:30:31.920 --> 01:30:36.480
And she said, Oh, I'm glad you asked. She lives in a little tiny town,

1824
01:30:36.480 --> 01:30:41.600
little tiny town. And this person was coming to this little tiny town for work.

1825
01:30:42.240 --> 01:30:45.920
They had to come to this little tiny town for work. So they came to a little tiny town for work

1826
01:30:45.920 --> 01:30:50.800
and they met each other because he was in town for work and he decided to visit her church.

1827
01:30:51.840 --> 01:30:57.040
He was just visiting in town for work. And that's how they met. You guys won't God do it.

1828
01:30:58.000 --> 01:31:02.720
He'll do it. You're like, well, there's no guys in my church. He didn't go to her church. Y'all.

1829
01:31:02.720 --> 01:31:08.000
He was from out of town. He was visiting. Okay. Maybe join the greeter team. So you

1830
01:31:08.000 --> 01:31:15.280
can meet all the visitors at your church. Just the thought. All right. I love you guys. Thank

1831
01:31:15.280 --> 01:31:19.920
you so much for joining us. This is what loveseats like. I'll just maybe a little less sassy.

1832
01:31:19.920 --> 01:31:25.360
Maybe I'm diluting myself. Maybe I'm always the sassy, but I do know this. I know that God has

1833
01:31:25.360 --> 01:31:29.680
a plan for each and every one of your love lives. And he is going to put you right in the middle of

1834
01:31:29.680 --> 01:31:34.560
it. All we have to do is trust him. All right. So I will see you guys on supernatural Saturday.

1835
01:31:34.560 --> 01:31:38.080
You know, we're going to talk about, we're going to talk about if God, if the devil can't defeat

1836
01:31:38.080 --> 01:31:43.360
you, he will defeat someone whose defeat will defeat you. We're going to dig into praying for

1837
01:31:43.360 --> 01:31:48.560
the people that are in the circles around us and some really great things on supernatural Saturday.

1838
01:31:48.560 --> 01:31:52.960
So I hope to see you guys then see you guys. Bye.