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All right, welcome, ladies.

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This is your phase two Love Story Accelerator Heart Check-In Tuesday, 1 o'clock on May 13th.

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For those of you that are new here, just to introduce myself, I am Carla Johnson.

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I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year's Single.

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I was just briefly kind of touching with the ladies a little bit ago, how I was in this

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program, did a lot for the activations that we give you here.

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And so yeah, I'm a success story from Last Year's Single.

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I found Jackie in 2020, around, I think it was the end of September is when I took her

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challenge, joined her community in October, and found my husband, or my husband found

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me, right?

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Because the husband finds the wife, right?

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That happened at the end of 2020, in that 11th hour, where I was like, I just, you know,

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don't know if it's going to happen for me.

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I've been in this program for several years.

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I thought it was going to happen this year, but Jackie assured me to, you know, borrow

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her faith, because I was in a place that I was like, I don't know if I believe this anymore.

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But if Jackie believes it for me, I guess I'm just going to believe what Jackie believes.

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And, you know, a week later is when my husband dropped into my DMs.

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And so we got married in September of 2023.

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So I had been in the program for about three years before I got married.

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And then I've just been coaching here at Last Year's Single since the beginning of 2024

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into 2023.

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So I've been part of this movement since pretty much the beginning.

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And it's just really humbling and such a blessing to be able to pour into you ladies, share

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my wisdom and knowledge of having been through this program, and then even just sharing kind

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of what happens after and why the preparation period is important, because that's exactly

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what this program does.

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It will prepare you for marriage.

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And that heartwork piece is the core foundation that when you can apply what you learn from

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the heartwork into all your relationships, it's just going to make your life more fruitful.

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I promise.

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Okay.

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Do I have any newbies here?

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Heather, I saw you raise your hand.

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You're like, oh, wait.

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Brittany, I saw your hand kind of go up.

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So if you're new to Phase Two, our Love Story Accelerator, welcome.

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We're so happy you're here.

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How was Phase One heartwork for you?

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Good.

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I felt like that being God defended and not self defended was like a big thing that like,

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I felt the Lord working on my heart and just also like feeling being able to feel so free.

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So it's like when you're God defended, it's like, oh, I can, I can just be myself and

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free.

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That's good.

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And that's a huge piece as you ladies step into this Love Story Accelerator, because

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we kind of call this like the dating phase.

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So I don't know, Brittany, if you've been able to watch that Love Story Accelerator

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kickoff where Jackie gives you the challenge of seven dates.

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Okay.

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Don't be afraid, ladies.

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Okay.

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I watched the first one.

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All right.

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It took me a while to get through my seven dates.

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I was a little bit stubborn.

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Okay.

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I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't encourage that, but we all go at our, you know, different

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paces.

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So, um, but that God defended being, you know, God protected, God defended, it will be a

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huge, um, breakthrough to hold onto that as you navigate dating differently.

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Okay.

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You ladies have to remember, you just went through some heartwork.

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Dating is going to look differently because you're, you're healing.

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And when we're healed, we show up way differently.

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And so that's what Ebony and myself, us two coaches are here to help you with and help

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you navigate, um, I experienced it, Ebony is experiencing it as well.

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So there were things that I was doing prior to heartwork that just wasn't working.

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And once I utilized what Jackie was teaching and what we teach here in the Love Story Accelerator,

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um, I, I promise you, you will get great breakthrough.

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You know, God is your, you know, your love story author, and he is preparing you and

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everyone's story is going to look different, but everyone's story is pretty incredible.

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Okay.

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And so just keep that in mind and the dating process.

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is that preparation. So things were going to get revealed and healed in your

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dating process. I know we all like to think okay I've done the heart work now

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I'm gonna jump into dating and the first guy or second guy that I go on a date

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with is gonna be my spirit mate and this is gonna be super easy. I would love to

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say that that is the norm but it's not. Okay there is there it's not that it

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can't happen but majority of time there's growing that takes place in the

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dating process. For me God had to show me that there are actually really good men

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out there and so he brought a lot of really good men in my path that weren't

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my spirit mate because I had to start believing that men weren't the enemy,

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that men weren't the bad guy, that men weren't the ones that were gonna hurt me.

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Okay I had to really embrace the God defended peace that sometimes that God

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was saying this is not your spirit mate but I'm bringing him to show you

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something else and to show you your growth and to also get you working on

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areas that I want to heal. He wanted me he wants us more healed than married.

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Okay obviously he wants us married all right you wouldn't be here if you didn't

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believe that God promised you marriage and it's his divine plan and so but what

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comes first is the healing piece he wants you healed so that you can really

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show up in your authentic identity with your spirit mate and let me tell you

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even when you get with your spirit mate there's gonna be the you know iron

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sharpening iron there's gonna be roughing of the edges all right my

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husband and I are complementary opposites okay and sometimes that is

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difficult for each of us but we really help smooth each other's edges out so

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that we show up as a partnership to really do God's work okay and it takes

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his strengths and my strengths to help each other's weaknesses and so that's

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what this whole dating process is for is to help kind of get you to start you

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know getting used to showing up in a more healthy healed version of yourself

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in your authentic self okay so that was kind of a long explanation of it so

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hopefully that will be helpful for you ladies that are on live and then all of

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those that watch and replay that might be new to our our phase this this week

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but we are so glad to have you so just real quick hey Stephanie I just saw you

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popped on good to see you I'm just gonna go over a couple housekeeping things I

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went over a lot of these last week so I'm not really gonna spend a whole lot

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of time on it please make sure that you're checking the pin post especially

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that roll call post that Bethany Bethany puts up on Sunday make sure that

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you're responding under that roll call it kind of helps us check on you to know

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how things are going also please make sure that you're making post under ask a

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coach if you have questions for us if you have dating scenarios that you want

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us to help you navigate if you want to share about what you what you've learned

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in any of the coursework you can put that in the all tab I'll get to the wins

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tab here in a moment that's where I really like you ladies kind of sharing

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some of your activations it's a really good spot or if you just want to

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celebrate something that God is showing showing you and revealing to you and

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you're having success with share it in the wind okay and then we have that

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relationship milestone also make sure that you're checking the resource tab

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especially if you want to find any information about any of the last trip

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singles any of the info that we we have will be placed under there and then we

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also have a list of current last year single single cities which are groups

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that are in Facebook and so that document that's under the resource tab

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will give you all the information that you need in order to join the closest

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single city to you we do request that you only join one and really get

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connected to a group that's closest to you okay and then always watch the

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replay okay especially Supernatural Saturday and these Tuesday calls okay

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all right so I'm gonna quickly pray for us and then we're gonna jump into some

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activation I have one teaching point

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that I kind of want to touch on.

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And then I'm going to open the floor for questions

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from all of you.

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That's what we really like to spend a majority of our time

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on these calls is you all getting some coaching from us

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here on these Tuesday calls.

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Okay, so Heavenly Father, I thank you so much for this day.

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I thank you for each and every one of these women

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and the love story that you have already written for them.

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Lord, I just continue to ask that you teach us,

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show us, heal us and grow us,

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that you are gentle with us in the process,

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but then you also are firm and giving us wisdom

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and direction on what it is that you want us to walk in

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and be obedient to.

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And that you just continue to stay close to us

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as we navigate the growth that's needed

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in preparing us for the love story that you have written.

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In Jesus name, amen.

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All right, so my girl Kathy,

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she gets the gold star of the week.

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She posted her activation from last week.

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And so we had requested that you ladies wear a cute dress,

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post a photo of yourself in a cute dress.

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And she even shared like, she got compliments.

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She got noticed, ladies.

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This is about coming out of hiding, all right?

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Putting on those cute dresses,

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wearing some vibrant colors, getting out.

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Like we want you coming out of hiding

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because you're single Pringle ready to mingle, right?

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So Kathy, thank you so much for sharing.

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Really appreciated that.

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I know Karen said that she wore a dress twice this week.

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She didn't get around to posting a photo,

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which again, we totally understand that can happen,

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but she did it.

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And so we're excited.

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So I'm curious, how many of you did get to wear a dress

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and just didn't get around to posting it?

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Just throw it in the chat.

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Raise your little hand, your avatar hands.

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I'm not seeing many.

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I know Kathy and Karen did it.

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Not seeing anybody else.

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All right, yes, Ruth, she wears the dress on the regular.

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That's so awesome.

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All right.

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So I'm seeing maybe not a lot of people did that.

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Is there a reason why?

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What's the resistance or the,

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okay, I haven't gotten there yet.

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Okay, so Kim, you just haven't bought in one yet.

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Okay, totally fine.

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So that's your task for the week.

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Ladies, I do a lot of Amazon shopping

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and I'm getting ready to go to Mexico here

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in a couple of weeks.

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And I was telling my husband, I'm like,

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I don't have any cute like summery vacationing dresses.

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So my Amazon cart is really full right now.

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And I'm hoping he doesn't look at it

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because he might freak out when he sees the subtotal.

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And so I'm like, okay, maybe I need to like skim back

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on some or just buy them and say it,

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but I'll return a few of them after I try them on

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and just pick the couple ones that I like.

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But awesome.

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Thank you, Jennifer, letting me know.

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Is there, Jennifer, were you able to watch a live

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or come to a session last week?

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That will help me know.

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Cause that was another concern of mine.

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I think I came to Ebeneez last week.

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It's a very certain time of the week.

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I used to go to Ebeneez when I was 18.

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Got you, got you.

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Do you typically jump on in the beginning of Ebeneez

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and maybe you're just missing?

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Yeah, I could have maybe missed it.

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Okay.

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Even right now, I drive through there,

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so sometimes I'm like hopping on,

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let's watch the video again.

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Okay.

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That's helpful because, so then ladies,

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if you do ever jump on Ebeneez call

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and you miss maybe part of it,

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make sure that you're coming and watching the replays

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as well.

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I know we don't post both replay

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because that's just a lot of, you know,

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replays to watch on top of Supernatural Saturday,

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on top of your coursework.

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So we just repost and replay this one o'clock call.

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So that's why I'm typically pretty thorough

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in the beginning to make sure I cover those things.

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So ladies, please just make sure

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if you don't come to the one o'clock,

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watch the replay so that you get those,

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especially if you're coming after Ebeneez already started

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because you're going to miss some of those good activations

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that we do.

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All right.

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So good to know.

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So ladies, here's the deal.

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I'm going to go ahead and give this again to you this week.

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So you're going to continue to dress up.

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Let's see a photo of yourself post that in the wins category. Let us know what experience you had

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Good bad ugly

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With wearing a dress this week if you don't own a dress, but you have some really feminine

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bright colorful maybe floral or pastel colors

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Wear that and I'm gonna even say like let's one-up it like let's make sure that we're getting ourselves ready

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So do your hair do your makeup? Okay, even if it's just to go to the grocery store and before I

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When some of the ladies jumped on a few minutes before we started

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I was telling them I like this activation because I did it when I was single when Jackie gave this to us and

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It really did shift something for me. Y'all I used to work in an Amish community

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Like I worked with a bunch of Amish people and they don't do a whole lot

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I mean, they're not into the hair and makeup and all that kind of stuff. So oftentimes like my uniform that I wore to work

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was like

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Amish attire

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But what I started doing is I started like putting on mascara putting on lip color, you know

251
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Penciling in my eyebrows putting a little blush on a little like eyeshadow and it done wonders

252
00:16:17.980 --> 00:16:23.940
I wore I couldn't wear big dangly earrings, but I wore like feminine like stud earrings

253
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Paid attention to doing my hair a little better

254
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Even when I was showing up to work in a community that was a lot of Amish people

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But it did something and how I presented myself. I

256
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Showed up feeling better about myself

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I had more of a presence and I know for some of you that's going to be a stretch because you're used to kind

258
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of being the wallflower or

259
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Kind of just being in hiding and I know Bethany touches on this in

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Heartwork and so that just continues here at love story accelerator

261
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Okay, so I want you to continue to work on that this week and be prepared to share with us your experience

262
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I read got the assignment. We're good

263
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Awesome. Fantastic

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Okay

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One thing I don't want to touch on before I take questions is one of your sisters brought something up that I see often

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in this phase, I've been been coaching in this space for about a year and a half and

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I see this

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Constantly come up and so I thought you know what?

269
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This sounds like a good time to bring up. I think it is a good moment to remind the ladies in this space

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Okay

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How many of you?

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When you're on dates

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And you're you're getting to know somebody you're like, oh I have a spark with them. Oh

274
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I didn't feel the spark. So I don't know how I feel about them

275
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Anybody experience that

276
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Like I just want to feel the spark right anybody

277
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Put it in the chat you can raise your raise your hand. Don't be shy

278
00:18:12.180 --> 00:18:14.180
You

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Anybody I see a few like head nodding. Yep

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Yeah

281
00:18:19.580 --> 00:18:24.020
Okay, this is this is gonna I'm gonna stretch some of you ladies here. Okay?

282
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Yes, we all want to feel the spark with someone who's potentially our our spirit mate

283
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I promise you're gonna have a connection with your husband, but

284
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In this discovery dating phase, okay

285
00:18:37.100 --> 00:18:40.580
We're not just we're not gonna focus on looking for the spark

286
00:18:41.380 --> 00:18:43.380
Especially the first like one to three dates

287
00:18:43.940 --> 00:18:49.340
Okay, that's not gonna be an indicator on no. I don't want to continue to get to know this person

288
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All right

289
00:18:52.460 --> 00:18:58.740
This is the early level two. This is the getting to know someone new you're finding out

290
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About them what they like what they don't like

291
00:19:03.220 --> 00:19:05.780
What's important and what they're passionate about?

292
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How do they show up with their character like?

293
00:19:09.660 --> 00:19:15.340
You know, what are the highlight things of this person do they make you smile?

294
00:19:15.740 --> 00:19:17.740
Do you enjoy your time with them?

295
00:19:17.900 --> 00:19:25.740
Do they challenge you one of the things that I loved about my husband early on is that he asked questions that?

296
00:19:26.580 --> 00:19:28.580
challenged my thinking

297
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Didn't always agree with me

298
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But he did it in a way that was respectful

299
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He showed up intentionally and I really appreciated that

300
00:19:45.140 --> 00:19:47.140
Okay

301
00:19:47.220 --> 00:19:51.220
The spark didn't come in the first few weeks that I was getting to know him ladies

302
00:19:54.780 --> 00:19:56.780
Like it took me a little bit of time

303
00:19:58.740 --> 00:20:00.740
Okay

304
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.320
Quite frankly, some of the questions he asked,

305
00:20:04.320 --> 00:20:07.600
I thought he doesn't have a coach like Jackie,

306
00:20:07.600 --> 00:20:09.360
he's deep diving.

307
00:20:09.360 --> 00:20:14.000
He's telling me information that's too early for me to know.

308
00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:17.680
Yes, you don't want to feel the ick,

309
00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:23.120
but sometimes we need to navigate what's pulling out the ick,

310
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what is causing you to feel the ick,

311
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because sometimes, not all the time,

312
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sometimes that's a revealing for healing.

313
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Sometimes are we holding high expectations for the guys that we're dating

314
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that no man, not even your spirit mate, is going to be able to reach,

315
00:20:42.980 --> 00:20:46.580
because you've got this giant wall of,

316
00:20:46.580 --> 00:20:49.220
he's got to be this, got to be this, can't be this, got to do this.

317
00:20:50.260 --> 00:20:51.540
We don't want to build the wall,

318
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we want to have those non-negotiables from heaven,

319
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which I believe y'all learned about in heart work.

320
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We want to make sure that those are from heaven.

321
00:21:01.940 --> 00:21:05.940
True story, I had like three to four non-negotiables,

322
00:21:07.380 --> 00:21:11.060
and two that I thought were non-negotiables from heaven,

323
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my husband didn't have.

324
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God challenged me on that.

325
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So those are reasons why we want to be showing up in community,

326
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okay, every person that I went out on a date on,

327
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the women in this community knew about.

328
00:21:34.740 --> 00:21:38.740
I came and I posted about it, I shared about it,

329
00:21:38.740 --> 00:21:41.140
I let Jack, because at the time it was much smaller,

330
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so Jackie was the one that was doing most of the coaching,

331
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we didn't have a lot of like side coaches,

332
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because it was a much smaller community,

333
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but she knew about it,

334
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and like many of the girls that are coaches now were in the community,

335
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so they knew about it,

336
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and I was getting feedback from them,

337
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like Bethany and I, we were in the program together,

338
00:22:02.180 --> 00:22:03.220
dating and all that,

339
00:22:04.180 --> 00:22:07.700
she knew about, you have to come and show up and let us know

340
00:22:07.700 --> 00:22:10.580
what is happening in these dating scenarios.

341
00:22:10.580 --> 00:22:13.460
So yeah, my husband didn't have those things, okay?

342
00:22:14.180 --> 00:22:15.700
So those are things that we're going to be,

343
00:22:16.340 --> 00:22:18.900
you know, wanting to help you navigate,

344
00:22:18.900 --> 00:22:21.300
okay, just a few more things on the spark thing.

345
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So sometimes the reason we tell you to kind of like,

346
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don't just focus on the spark,

347
00:22:29.220 --> 00:22:34.260
because typically the spark is associated to romantic feelings,

348
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and when you're going on one date, two dates with a stranger,

349
00:22:40.500 --> 00:22:43.380
it's probably not ideal to have romantic feelings

350
00:22:43.380 --> 00:22:46.180
about someone you barely know, okay?

351
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So that's why you have to be very cautious,

352
00:22:51.460 --> 00:22:52.900
okay, I don't know about you all,

353
00:22:52.900 --> 00:22:56.020
I'm speaking from my own wisdom and my own experience,

354
00:22:56.020 --> 00:22:58.180
so this is not everybody, but if you were like me,

355
00:22:59.300 --> 00:23:04.260
it was that spark that got me into some of the past relationships

356
00:23:04.260 --> 00:23:05.860
that were really, really unhealthy,

357
00:23:07.780 --> 00:23:10.260
because I was chasing the spark.

358
00:23:10.260 --> 00:23:13.060
I'm not saying that you are not going to have a spark with your husband,

359
00:23:13.060 --> 00:23:14.900
so do not hear what I'm not saying,

360
00:23:15.460 --> 00:23:20.020
I'm just saying if you are someone that's constantly driven by that,

361
00:23:20.020 --> 00:23:21.380
and that's going to be like,

362
00:23:21.380 --> 00:23:22.740
well, I didn't have the spark with him,

363
00:23:23.380 --> 00:23:24.980
you know, this person just gives me the ache,

364
00:23:24.980 --> 00:23:27.300
and you're seeing that consistently come up,

365
00:23:27.940 --> 00:23:32.580
we're going to, let's get to some of those belief systems

366
00:23:32.580 --> 00:23:34.180
or lies that you might be associating,

367
00:23:34.180 --> 00:23:37.140
and is there something that is getting in the way

368
00:23:38.020 --> 00:23:40.980
that we can help you get some breakthrough and uncover

369
00:23:40.980 --> 00:23:42.340
and get some healing, okay?

370
00:23:44.820 --> 00:23:50.020
As you progress, okay, once you get on one, two, three dates,

371
00:23:50.580 --> 00:23:53.220
if you progress into four or five dates,

372
00:23:53.220 --> 00:23:55.140
that's when you're going to potentially decide,

373
00:23:55.140 --> 00:23:58.580
okay, is this person someone that I want to get to know

374
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on a more romantic level,

375
00:24:01.060 --> 00:24:04.020
so by that fourth date, then I can see you saying,

376
00:24:04.020 --> 00:24:06.500
okay, I gave this guy three dates,

377
00:24:07.620 --> 00:24:10.900
I'm still not sure I see him romantically,

378
00:24:11.860 --> 00:24:13.300
that's when it's okay to be like,

379
00:24:13.300 --> 00:24:16.180
okay, maybe it's a no, that happened to me,

380
00:24:16.180 --> 00:24:19.540
I dated a guy for, I think it was like a month to two months,

381
00:24:20.100 --> 00:24:22.980
we went on three dates, we set up a fourth date,

382
00:24:23.620 --> 00:24:27.780
I was in community sharing with all the women about this guy,

383
00:24:27.780 --> 00:24:29.380
he was great, he was intentional,

384
00:24:29.380 --> 00:24:32.820
he offered to pay for my babysitter all the time,

385
00:24:32.820 --> 00:24:37.940
was super, super respectful of my time as a single mom,

386
00:24:37.940 --> 00:24:45.300
was willing to just, he really, really was intentional dating me,

387
00:24:45.300 --> 00:24:46.660
really wonderful guy,

388
00:24:47.860 --> 00:24:49.860
but there was something there that I'm like,

389
00:24:49.860 --> 00:24:53.860
I don't know if this is the person that God is really having for me,

390
00:24:54.500 --> 00:24:57.940
ladies, I ended it not even being 100% sure,

391
00:24:57.940 --> 00:24:59.700
I thought, I'm like, Lord,

392
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.080
If this is my husband,

393
00:25:02.080 --> 00:25:04.320
I'm about to just tell him no, thank you,

394
00:25:04.320 --> 00:25:06.120
and I don't want to mess this up.

395
00:25:06.120 --> 00:25:11.240
I really went into prayer about it and really

396
00:25:11.240 --> 00:25:16.080
ask for God just to give me peace and clarity that if I didn't,

397
00:25:16.080 --> 00:25:18.360
if I was ending something that I wasn't

398
00:25:18.360 --> 00:25:21.920
supposed to that God was going to have a circle back around.

399
00:25:22.680 --> 00:25:26.920
Just know that sometimes even in that fourth or fifth date,

400
00:25:26.920 --> 00:25:28.520
we still might not know.

401
00:25:28.520 --> 00:25:31.080
But again, I'm going to emphasize,

402
00:25:31.080 --> 00:25:35.120
come into community, let us know what's going on.

403
00:25:35.120 --> 00:25:38.360
Because we're here to help you.

404
00:25:38.640 --> 00:25:42.440
Then in those early stages of dating,

405
00:25:42.440 --> 00:25:43.480
by the fourth date,

406
00:25:43.480 --> 00:25:49.120
you probably should be witnessing if they have any of the three Ms.

407
00:25:49.120 --> 00:25:52.840
If you hear us, as you're in this phase,

408
00:25:52.840 --> 00:25:54.760
you're going to hear us talk a lot about that.

409
00:25:54.760 --> 00:25:58.240
The three Ms are that they're mature,

410
00:25:58.240 --> 00:26:01.840
they're marriage-minded, and they're masculine.

411
00:26:01.840 --> 00:26:04.440
Divine masculine, ladies.

412
00:26:04.440 --> 00:26:07.800
Not masculine the way the world sees men,

413
00:26:07.800 --> 00:26:12.680
but masculine the way that God created the masculine.

414
00:26:12.680 --> 00:26:15.760
That teaching is in the Divine Feminine.

415
00:26:15.760 --> 00:26:19.520
There's a little bit of touch points on the Divine Masculine in there.

416
00:26:19.520 --> 00:26:21.040
If you haven't watched that,

417
00:26:21.040 --> 00:26:23.840
just know to be listening for that.

418
00:26:23.880 --> 00:26:27.120
Those are things that you're going to start seeing as

419
00:26:27.120 --> 00:26:30.560
you're going on dates and you're pacing yourself well.

420
00:26:30.560 --> 00:26:34.680
Then don't forget, let the men lead,

421
00:26:34.680 --> 00:26:37.440
what we call DTR, define the relationship.

422
00:26:37.440 --> 00:26:39.800
You want the man leading

423
00:26:39.800 --> 00:26:44.160
that conversation for that exclusivity level 3 relationship.

424
00:26:44.160 --> 00:26:47.120
Then I know I'm going to get a lot of,

425
00:26:47.120 --> 00:26:48.880
I actually don't want to say this.

426
00:26:48.880 --> 00:26:51.920
I don't want to say I'm going to get a lot of pushback because I hope that I don't.

427
00:26:51.960 --> 00:26:55.360
But I know occasionally I get a little pushback from women about this,

428
00:26:55.360 --> 00:26:57.760
is to remind you ladies,

429
00:26:57.760 --> 00:27:01.440
no kissing in level 2, trust us.

430
00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:07.800
This was something that I had to learn because I was a kissing bandit, y'all.

431
00:27:07.800 --> 00:27:10.560
I like kissing.

432
00:27:10.560 --> 00:27:14.280
But I will tell you after I came out of

433
00:27:14.280 --> 00:27:20.920
heartwork and I listened to Jackie and I didn't kiss guys when I was dating them in level 2,

434
00:27:20.920 --> 00:27:26.040
it allowed me to have a clear head of judgment and clarity so that I could

435
00:27:26.040 --> 00:27:32.520
make good decisions about whether or not I moved forward or didn't move forward with somebody.

436
00:27:32.520 --> 00:27:39.000
It also allowed me to see which men were going to respect my physical boundaries.

437
00:27:40.200 --> 00:27:44.800
We also share no sex before marriage, ladies.

438
00:27:44.800 --> 00:27:48.680
That is a tough one for a lot of ladies.

439
00:27:48.720 --> 00:27:51.000
Because we're all in our 30s and 40s.

440
00:27:51.000 --> 00:27:53.200
A lot of us might have been married before,

441
00:27:53.200 --> 00:27:59.800
have kids, and when our bodies are attracted to something,

442
00:27:59.800 --> 00:28:01.440
it's going to get in the process.

443
00:28:01.440 --> 00:28:03.840
But I assure you,

444
00:28:03.840 --> 00:28:07.160
we don't want to go there.

445
00:28:08.280 --> 00:28:14.640
That again is why we're here in community to help you walk through that process.

446
00:28:15.640 --> 00:28:20.600
Yeah. I'm going to go ahead and open the floor for

447
00:28:20.600 --> 00:28:24.200
the last 45 minutes to take y'all's questions.

448
00:28:24.200 --> 00:28:26.760
If you can go ahead and throw up your avatar hand now,

449
00:28:26.760 --> 00:28:29.680
so I get an idea of how many we have.

450
00:28:29.680 --> 00:28:32.360
Jennifer Young, you're still on.

451
00:28:32.360 --> 00:28:35.440
I know I had requested to see if you were comfortable coming

452
00:28:35.440 --> 00:28:38.320
on because you had made a post and I thought,

453
00:28:38.320 --> 00:28:41.120
oh, there was something there that I thought we could get

454
00:28:41.520 --> 00:28:45.160
some processing through and ask you a few questions

455
00:28:45.160 --> 00:28:48.440
to see if there is any revealing for healing there.

456
00:28:48.440 --> 00:28:49.640
Yeah.

457
00:28:49.640 --> 00:28:51.640
That's actually why I was here.

458
00:28:51.640 --> 00:28:53.720
Jennifer, just give me one more second, okay?

459
00:28:53.720 --> 00:28:55.080
I'll get to you in just a minute.

460
00:28:55.080 --> 00:28:59.160
Bernice, I don't know if she is here with us today.

461
00:28:59.160 --> 00:29:02.040
I saw her post earlier.

462
00:29:02.040 --> 00:29:04.000
She might not be here.

463
00:29:04.000 --> 00:29:07.200
She might come to that evening call.

464
00:29:07.200 --> 00:29:09.880
Then I think that's it.

465
00:29:09.880 --> 00:29:12.920
Jennifer, I'm going to start off with you.

466
00:29:12.920 --> 00:29:16.920
Then I've got Heather, Michelle, and Karen.

467
00:29:16.920 --> 00:29:21.360
Karen, I'm glad you raised your hand because I wanted to touch

468
00:29:21.360 --> 00:29:26.520
on some of those roots that I had asked you about that I thought,

469
00:29:26.520 --> 00:29:27.840
oh, this is good.

470
00:29:27.840 --> 00:29:29.720
This is really, really good.

471
00:29:29.720 --> 00:29:31.760
I want to get some more insight from

472
00:29:31.760 --> 00:29:35.200
you and then take your question as well.

473
00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:37.640
Jennifer, Heather, Michelle, Karen,

474
00:29:37.640 --> 00:29:40.280
ladies, don't hesitate to throw up your hands.

475
00:29:40.280 --> 00:29:44.000
Even if you think it's a silly question, ask it anyway.

476
00:29:44.000 --> 00:29:46.640
Don't be shy.

477
00:29:46.640 --> 00:29:48.760
Jennifer.

478
00:29:48.760 --> 00:29:53.680
I was actually unmuting to ask if I could go last.

479
00:29:53.680 --> 00:29:55.520
Oh, absolutely.

480
00:29:55.520 --> 00:29:57.120
There's someone in my car.

481
00:29:57.120 --> 00:29:58.800
I can wait to go on.

482
00:29:58.800 --> 00:30:00.800
Yeah, I'll take you on.

483
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.000
Absolutely. I'll start off with Heather.

484
00:30:04.800 --> 00:30:05.400
Hi.

485
00:30:07.520 --> 00:30:11.440
Um, well, I just wanted to kind of do a bit of report and then a

486
00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:16.280
question, but I'll keep it concise. So I'm in New York this

487
00:30:16.280 --> 00:30:19.840
week. I'm traveling this week. And that's right. Yes. I went on

488
00:30:19.840 --> 00:30:25.040
three dates this week. And I'll just put a caveat as I'm dating

489
00:30:25.040 --> 00:30:27.900
long distance. So people understand that I'm I'm right

490
00:30:27.900 --> 00:30:29.720
now I'm in Colorado, but I don't really want to date in

491
00:30:29.720 --> 00:30:31.880
Colorado because I don't want to be in Colorado. I want to be

492
00:30:31.880 --> 00:30:36.620
back with my time. So I've been talking to these guys over the

493
00:30:36.620 --> 00:30:41.120
last month or whatever. And I said, I'm coming to New York and

494
00:30:41.120 --> 00:30:47.340
you want to try and meet them. And so I set up for states. And

495
00:30:47.340 --> 00:30:52.700
it was a successful in a couple ways where is a big step for me

496
00:30:52.700 --> 00:30:54.980
because I don't really I've never felt like I knew how to

497
00:30:54.980 --> 00:31:00.400
date. And so I had three first date dates, very different each

498
00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:05.560
of them. I didn't really feel connection with any of them. That

499
00:31:05.560 --> 00:31:08.240
were I would really want to revisit it one guy, I would be

500
00:31:08.240 --> 00:31:12.740
like, Oh, let's go do a thing as a friend zone. But but the other

501
00:31:12.740 --> 00:31:17.160
two know, they were all just, you know, chivalrous and

502
00:31:17.260 --> 00:31:26.500
gentlemanly. So I felt like that was a win for me. And, but one

503
00:31:26.500 --> 00:31:30.100
guy I had, I went ahead and let him know that I thought it was

504
00:31:30.260 --> 00:31:32.500
very nice, but I didn't think we were a match. I sent him a

505
00:31:32.500 --> 00:31:38.180
message. The other guy, one I haven't gotten back to on that

506
00:31:38.180 --> 00:31:41.540
front. He's nice. But I think that'll work itself out. And then

507
00:31:41.540 --> 00:31:43.940
the other the third guy, which is kind of the question I have

508
00:31:43.940 --> 00:31:48.160
is a bit of a love bomber. And I'm not, I don't want to see

509
00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:51.360
is this the guy that you friend zone? Is that the love bomber

510
00:31:51.360 --> 00:31:53.300
that you're like, okay, okay, no, okay.

511
00:31:54.600 --> 00:32:00.000
No, and I have, I realized I feel intimidated by the energy

512
00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:04.640
coming at me. And now I, you know, you know, I have to figure

513
00:32:04.640 --> 00:32:07.100
out how I'm going to say that. Unfortunately, I'm leaving town,

514
00:32:07.520 --> 00:32:10.840
which is my MO. Also, I just I, I'm an avoidant kind of

515
00:32:10.840 --> 00:32:14.060
personality. So I will be like, and I travel a lot for work. So

516
00:32:14.060 --> 00:32:16.740
suddenly, I'm out of town. And that's how I can disappear. But

517
00:32:16.840 --> 00:32:19.240
I'm trying to get that person in general, I'm trying to really

518
00:32:19.240 --> 00:32:22.900
show up. Yeah. And and get my foils. But in this case, it

519
00:32:22.900 --> 00:32:28.460
might be helpful, because I need to figure out how to articulate

520
00:32:28.460 --> 00:32:31.140
with someone who's always who really wants to see you again.

521
00:32:31.140 --> 00:32:34.220
And just that, like, every morning, I wake up, and there's

522
00:32:34.220 --> 00:32:36.260
an email asking me how I'm like, you don't know me well enough to

523
00:32:36.260 --> 00:32:39.720
do that. It's just driving me bananas a little bit. Okay. So,

524
00:32:40.100 --> 00:32:49.000
but I did active dates. Good. So when I played, when I met a guy

525
00:32:49.000 --> 00:32:54.200
he for billiards for pool, which I'm not don't really know how to

526
00:32:54.200 --> 00:32:59.240
play. But it was really fun. I mean, to do that. The other one,

527
00:32:59.240 --> 00:33:02.400
we met at a museum, and he got stuck in traffic. So he's really

528
00:33:02.400 --> 00:33:05.560
late. So I wandered the museum happily by myself, and then met

529
00:33:05.560 --> 00:33:09.260
him outside. And then it was so late. He's like, you know, it's

530
00:33:09.340 --> 00:33:11.420
going to close in less than an hour. Let's why don't we just

531
00:33:11.420 --> 00:33:14.020
take a walk and go get something to eat. So we did. And that was

532
00:33:14.020 --> 00:33:18.380
fine. I realized I'm a little afraid of like sitting down for

533
00:33:18.380 --> 00:33:21.580
dinner with someone and feeling trapped. So okay. And then the

534
00:33:21.580 --> 00:33:25.960
third guy I met for like, drinks, I had bubbly water, but

535
00:33:25.960 --> 00:33:29.080
you know, to connect. And so that's my

536
00:33:30.260 --> 00:33:32.080
okay, good stuff. Okay, so yeah, I'm gonna have a couple

537
00:33:32.080 --> 00:33:32.940
questions.

538
00:33:35.540 --> 00:33:39.820
What particular were knows to not go on a second date? Because

539
00:33:39.820 --> 00:33:43.180
you said there were chivalrous like they were gentlemen. So why

540
00:33:43.180 --> 00:33:47.500
are we saying no right away? Was there any like, are these red

541
00:33:47.500 --> 00:33:52.100
flag knows or this is? Is this part of the avoidant? Like,

542
00:33:52.120 --> 00:33:54.460
nope, not I'm not I don't feel the spark. I don't see

543
00:33:54.460 --> 00:34:00.500
connection that I'm just gonna Yeah, next on. Um, so why? Why

544
00:34:00.500 --> 00:34:03.320
the no? Why? So why not give them at least a second date?

545
00:34:03.800 --> 00:34:06.720
Well, for one that I think we both kind of felt that we had

546
00:34:06.740 --> 00:34:10.120
good conversation is the one I played billiards with. But you

547
00:34:10.120 --> 00:34:10.940
know, he

548
00:34:14.060 --> 00:34:14.400
he

549
00:34:17.120 --> 00:34:21.000
he felt very bossy. And like, for example, I've played pool

550
00:34:21.000 --> 00:34:23.320
before. I'm not a shark. I don't know, you know, but I can I can

551
00:34:23.400 --> 00:34:28.159
get angles. And he hasn't he I know he has 11 year old daughter,

552
00:34:28.159 --> 00:34:31.400
which is fine. But he would he would talk to me like I'm a

553
00:34:31.400 --> 00:34:34.580
daughter, his daughter, like and I like I would like, let's say I

554
00:34:34.580 --> 00:34:36.739
missed a shot. And like, I missed it your turn. He's like,

555
00:34:36.739 --> 00:34:39.060
No, no, no, let's go back and he'd pull the balls back into

556
00:34:39.060 --> 00:34:41.540
place. And I'm like, okay, you know, do it. But he would do

557
00:34:41.540 --> 00:34:43.659
like three or four times after shots that I missed. I'm like,

558
00:34:43.659 --> 00:34:45.580
it's it's just he's like, well, that's the only way you're going

559
00:34:45.580 --> 00:34:48.179
to improve. That's the only way you're gonna I don't need you to

560
00:34:48.179 --> 00:34:49.500
take those out.

561
00:34:51.380 --> 00:34:56.219
Okay, yeah, for sure. That would mean how many of you would be

562
00:34:56.219 --> 00:35:00.160
like, No, thank you. Yeah, I'm like, we don't want to be

563
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.200
talk like that, for sure. I would be like, dude, like, let me figure that out. So this

564
00:35:06.200 --> 00:35:12.520
would be my challenge for you is when you see these things that you don't like come

565
00:35:12.520 --> 00:35:19.600
up, how are you responding? Instead of just being like, okay, okay, it's fine. Oh, like

566
00:35:19.600 --> 00:35:25.240
it's okay to say, Hey, I really don't like that. I would rather just go ahead and keep

567
00:35:25.240 --> 00:35:30.960
continuing, continuing the game. I appreciate that you're trying to help me learn, but I

568
00:35:30.960 --> 00:35:37.200
would really like to not do that. Would that be okay with you? Well, now you're setting

569
00:35:37.200 --> 00:35:42.360
up a boundary and then you can see if that yellow flag turns green, right? Cause you're

570
00:35:42.360 --> 00:35:49.600
like, Oh, I'm, I'm so sorry. Cause you, we never know what people are working on internally

571
00:35:49.600 --> 00:35:57.040
in themselves. We never know how their nerves are showing up. And so that's why we really

572
00:35:57.040 --> 00:36:04.040
encourage you ladies, unless there's like red flags, men are completely inappropriate

573
00:36:04.040 --> 00:36:09.880
crossing really not like boundaries that don't need to be crossed. I want to encourage you

574
00:36:09.880 --> 00:36:17.920
ladies to give guys second dates. Okay. Now we want men initiating the second date. So

575
00:36:17.920 --> 00:36:22.560
a lot of times what happens, and this happened to me, ladies, I go on a date and be like,

576
00:36:22.560 --> 00:36:28.200
okay, it was all right. I'll, I would be open to a second date. I let them know, Hey, thank

577
00:36:28.200 --> 00:36:34.280
you for the time. We should do this again. Then they would never ask me out on a second

578
00:36:34.280 --> 00:36:38.760
date and I didn't have to worry about it. I didn't have to worry about saying, Oh, I

579
00:36:38.760 --> 00:36:43.880
don't think we're a good match. I let them lead. I said, I was open to it, but if they

580
00:36:44.040 --> 00:36:48.520
were not really in it, they weren't going to ask me for a second date. But if they were,

581
00:36:49.640 --> 00:36:54.600
then I was going to be open to at least giving them a second, second shot. And then that's where

582
00:36:54.600 --> 00:36:57.480
I'm looking for. That's when you're going to ladies, when you're gonna look for those,

583
00:36:57.480 --> 00:37:01.720
if there's yellow flags, cause everybody's got them, we're going to learn how to navigate those

584
00:37:01.720 --> 00:37:07.400
yellow flags so that we can find out, are those yellow flags going to turn green? Are these men

585
00:37:07.400 --> 00:37:16.200
teachable? Are they mature? Are they masculine? Or are these going to be like red flags? Is he

586
00:37:16.200 --> 00:37:20.920
really, truly a bossy man? And it's going to be super controlling because once you give them a

587
00:37:20.920 --> 00:37:29.800
couple dates, that stuff comes to surface ladies. It really does. So, but I get Heather. I don't,

588
00:37:29.800 --> 00:37:35.240
I don't want you to feel like you did anything wrong. Cause I wouldn't want to guys talking

589
00:37:35.480 --> 00:37:42.280
either. So let's get to the love bomber. So, cause you brought up, like you have this,

590
00:37:42.280 --> 00:37:46.120
you, you already know you're avoidant. And so those are things that we're going to be looking

591
00:37:46.760 --> 00:37:52.040
for and your patterns and what's showing up. And so there's going to be some stretching here at

592
00:37:52.040 --> 00:37:59.160
times, but yeah, love bombing ladies that that's, so it's a yellow orange flag. So again, we're

593
00:37:59.160 --> 00:38:04.920
going to want to make sure that we're responding. We're setting clear boundaries. Ladies, you have

594
00:38:04.920 --> 00:38:13.320
to set boundaries with love bombers. If you don't like you're you're for some of you that

595
00:38:13.320 --> 00:38:17.880
don't have boundaries, you're just going to let them, Oh, Oh, okay. I'm going to give them a shot.

596
00:38:17.880 --> 00:38:21.080
I'm going to give them a shot. And then you're just going to find yourself in a not so great

597
00:38:21.080 --> 00:38:26.120
situation. All right. So you want to make sure that you're giving clear boundaries with love

598
00:38:26.120 --> 00:38:31.000
bombers because then when the love bomber consistently like crosses those boundaries,

599
00:38:31.000 --> 00:38:35.000
that's when it's a no thank you. And that's when you might need to bless and block.

600
00:38:36.360 --> 00:38:40.840
So what's this, this man is just constantly showing up in your email.

601
00:38:41.720 --> 00:38:47.320
So this is the guy who I met for drinks and we met kind of impromptu. I just on a day and we

602
00:38:47.320 --> 00:38:51.080
were going to plan to meet that week. And then he was like, Oh yeah, I'm in town. And I was like,

603
00:38:51.080 --> 00:38:57.080
well, I'm out. And I felt I looked cute enough and fine. And it was, I'm like, well, do you want to

604
00:38:57.080 --> 00:39:01.800
just meet if you're in town? Cause he lives a little bit North of the city. That's why that

605
00:39:01.800 --> 00:39:07.160
was. And he was like, sure. He's I said, well, you I'm free now or I'm free later. He's like,

606
00:39:07.160 --> 00:39:10.360
okay, how about four? And I'm like, sure. He's like, I'll pick a place and I'll text you. So he

607
00:39:10.360 --> 00:39:16.360
did. And he picked, he picked a bar in Harlem and just fine. I knew where it was as well-known,

608
00:39:17.400 --> 00:39:25.880
but when I went there, he like, they had a game kind of going on in the area and we just were,

609
00:39:25.880 --> 00:39:29.320
it wasn't great for talking. And then his cousin was there. Like he had, he's like,

610
00:39:29.320 --> 00:39:33.720
Oh, I ran into my cousin. And what I realized in the conversation was like, this is a normal place.

611
00:39:33.720 --> 00:39:37.480
They know that people are going to be there that cause they know people. So he took me to a place

612
00:39:37.480 --> 00:39:41.800
where he has people, which made me feel a little on display. And then his cousin was like, every

613
00:39:41.800 --> 00:39:44.920
now and then we'd be talking to me like, we would come around and talk. It was just kind of awkward.

614
00:39:44.920 --> 00:39:50.760
And so. How do you feel about being very clear and direct in your communication with these guys?

615
00:39:51.720 --> 00:39:55.720
When, you know, you're feeling uncomfortable or do you feel comfortable saying, Hey, like

616
00:39:56.360 --> 00:39:59.800
this doesn't make me feel good. I really, I'm really uncomfortable right now.

617
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.520
that you know we're in a place that your cousin keeps interrupting and this is

618
00:40:05.520 --> 00:40:08.280
our first date we're trying to get to know each other would it be okay that

619
00:40:08.280 --> 00:40:14.200
maybe we find somewhere else to go or maybe reschedule well I kept it short I

620
00:40:14.200 --> 00:40:21.920
my communication when I don't feel energy hard energy coming at me I'm

621
00:40:21.920 --> 00:40:25.520
better at it and like the guy for pool I actually did what you were saying I was

622
00:40:25.520 --> 00:40:30.320
like okay you have a daughter okay I'm okay I think we can go on and he didn't

623
00:40:30.320 --> 00:40:32.680
listen he just was like no no no we'll do it again that's how you get better

624
00:40:32.680 --> 00:40:39.040
saw that but and the second guy just I haven't X'd out like I'm not gonna see

625
00:40:39.040 --> 00:40:46.960
him again he present but this guy I I felt like because I kind of sprung an

626
00:40:46.960 --> 00:40:52.040
impromptu suggestion and I was there maybe he felt a little insecure so he

627
00:40:52.040 --> 00:40:56.880
went to someplace that was super familiar but then like I said like every

628
00:40:56.880 --> 00:41:01.520
morning there's a text before I wake up and I and I told him I was just like you

629
00:41:01.520 --> 00:41:05.360
text really early in the morning I'm not gonna be texting people that time he's

630
00:41:05.360 --> 00:41:09.960
like that's good so yeah communicate like hey I noticed you you message early

631
00:41:09.960 --> 00:41:16.400
in the morning I'm not an early morning texter because we are still getting to

632
00:41:16.400 --> 00:41:21.760
know each other I try to keep conversation to a minimum until we start

633
00:41:21.760 --> 00:41:26.080
getting to know each other a little better yeah it's seeing I mean this is

634
00:41:26.080 --> 00:41:31.160
where I think it's gonna be setting clear healthy boundaries in a soft

635
00:41:31.160 --> 00:41:35.640
manner okay we don't have to be really harsh with our boundaries we can still

636
00:41:35.640 --> 00:41:40.840
be show up feminine on our boundaries and allow them to either honor our

637
00:41:40.840 --> 00:41:46.240
boundaries or not I think communication making sure that you're clear if you are

638
00:41:46.240 --> 00:41:50.080
not comfortable it's okay ladies to share with men I'm not really

639
00:41:50.200 --> 00:41:56.560
comfortable with this because a masculine mature man again is is created

640
00:41:56.560 --> 00:42:04.000
to protect and provide they're there to provide security protection not just

641
00:42:04.000 --> 00:42:07.640
like I mean I know a lot of times we think in the sense of financial that is

642
00:42:07.640 --> 00:42:15.720
just a very small piece very small piece like the man is going to give you a

643
00:42:15.840 --> 00:42:22.920
covering of just peace protective provision and it's going to include like

644
00:42:22.920 --> 00:42:30.320
your emotional security too so it's okay to communicate I'm not feeling

645
00:42:30.320 --> 00:42:36.480
comfortable can we move to something else that is more comfortable this is

646
00:42:36.480 --> 00:42:40.240
what would be comfortable with me is that something that you're willing and

647
00:42:40.240 --> 00:42:48.720
able to do yes your man is he'll show up and then if he doesn't now I'm not

648
00:42:48.720 --> 00:42:53.440
gonna say that sometimes they might slip up but sometimes they just oh remember

649
00:42:53.440 --> 00:42:55.800
this this doesn't make me feel comfortable I mean I still have to

650
00:42:55.800 --> 00:43:01.200
sometimes express to my husband I I just need you to listen I don't need your

651
00:43:01.200 --> 00:43:05.520
feedback okay and sometimes my husband wants to give me all the ways to fix

652
00:43:05.520 --> 00:43:09.240
things because he's a problem solver and I'm like honey I don't need you to fix

653
00:43:09.240 --> 00:43:15.040
my problems I just need you to listen and let me vent and like sometimes he'll

654
00:43:15.040 --> 00:43:19.400
come in and he'll let me know honey member not fixing right now you just let

655
00:43:19.400 --> 00:43:26.000
me that and then he's like oh yeah okay so I think that is that would be the

656
00:43:26.000 --> 00:43:31.360
feedback that I have for you don't be afraid to communicate what your

657
00:43:31.360 --> 00:43:37.960
boundaries are okay does that sound helpful it does I just have to find the

658
00:43:37.960 --> 00:43:42.160
words that I need to like let that one go because it's a lifestyle difference I

659
00:43:42.160 --> 00:43:46.040
know he's not it but I also need to figure out how to say it Matt makes me

660
00:43:46.040 --> 00:43:51.280
nervous but I'll keep it simple hey thank you so much for taking time to get

661
00:43:51.280 --> 00:43:54.800
to know me I don't see that this is gonna be a romantic match I wish you the

662
00:43:54.800 --> 00:44:00.920
best of luck okay and then I mean ladies again these you're in early level two

663
00:44:00.920 --> 00:44:06.960
you've gone on one maybe two dates and you're okay it doesn't have to be oh I

664
00:44:06.960 --> 00:44:11.200
don't think that we're a match because this and that they don't you if they ask

665
00:44:11.200 --> 00:44:14.160
and you want to give it to him and you think that they're being respectful by

666
00:44:14.160 --> 00:44:18.040
all means so if he's like oh well thank you for letting me know was there

667
00:44:18.040 --> 00:44:21.720
something that I did or can you help me understand that and you say our

668
00:44:21.720 --> 00:44:28.360
lifestyles are completely different and that's it I mean you don't have to like

669
00:44:28.360 --> 00:44:33.080
I think women just be overanalyzed and we're such emotional creatures and we

670
00:44:33.080 --> 00:44:38.360
forget that a lot of times men aren't and where we want a lot of explanation

671
00:44:38.360 --> 00:44:43.400
and we want a lot of emotion in it ladies men are very cut-dry simple most

672
00:44:43.400 --> 00:44:49.600
of them are anyway so we don't have to overthink it we can make easy simple

673
00:44:49.600 --> 00:44:55.040
clean breaks oh thank you you are welcome all right Michelle how are you

674
00:44:55.040 --> 00:45:00.440
today I'm good how are you good okay

675
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.140
Hey, so this is sort of like, I get the bit of an update on the guy that I've been seeing just level two.

676
00:45:06.140 --> 00:45:07.100
We've been on four days.

677
00:45:07.460 --> 00:45:07.900
Um,

678
00:45:08.300 --> 00:45:09.160
that's 30 minutes.

679
00:45:09.160 --> 00:45:11.900
So if you can try to keep it short, brief and powerful for me, okay.

680
00:45:12.340 --> 00:45:14.980
Give me just the, the big highlights.

681
00:45:14.980 --> 00:45:15.420
Okay.

682
00:45:15.860 --> 00:45:18.900
Well, here's like the general, I guess, takeaway question.

683
00:45:19.140 --> 00:45:29.380
So it relates to him and also other guys I've talked to, or I feel like a real difference between when I date guys who have kids versus

684
00:45:29.440 --> 00:45:39.760
don't in regards to like their availability, their time, their, um, I guess what I sense more is like just their emotional capacity.

685
00:45:40.680 --> 00:45:51.960
So I'm kind of wondering like what the balances of like giving grace for these guys that, especially with young kids, almost, they almost present like

686
00:45:51.960 --> 00:45:53.560
they're like drowning a little bit.

687
00:45:53.660 --> 00:45:56.180
And like, I'm a special ed teacher.

688
00:45:56.180 --> 00:46:03.900
I teach young kids and almost sometimes I have this sense of like, Hey, my boat's going under, can you get in here with me and like bail water out?

689
00:46:03.900 --> 00:46:04.580
Like, I don't know.

690
00:46:04.580 --> 00:46:07.220
Like I just, I can sense the like franticness.

691
00:46:07.620 --> 00:46:13.260
Um, but I feel like there's grace for that obviously, but I don't know.

692
00:46:13.260 --> 00:46:16.660
I just, it's also like, it's just, it's kind of tough for me to gauge.

693
00:46:16.660 --> 00:46:22.300
Like, is he just not interested because I'm not hearing from him as much or because we don't, he doesn't have as much time to go out.

694
00:46:22.300 --> 00:46:30.720
Or is it just that he's literally exhausted and just super, I don't know, doesn't have a lot of space where it just comes into play of just,

695
00:46:30.720 --> 00:46:35.600
you know, being patient with the pacing and the process of what they're able to do.

696
00:46:36.040 --> 00:46:43.000
Um, I think it's going to take a number of, you know, you're probably going to have to go on two or three dates to kind of see how they're showing up.

697
00:46:43.600 --> 00:46:50.560
And again, just make sure you're sharing with us in the community, like, Hey, how to date with so-and-so this is kind of what happened.

698
00:46:50.860 --> 00:46:57.420
And then we can kind of map out and kind of see like with each date, how is he showing up?

699
00:46:57.420 --> 00:47:02.620
And we can give you feedback and pointers of, okay, so this happened, try this.

700
00:47:03.660 --> 00:47:04.240
Okay.

701
00:47:04.260 --> 00:47:16.540
So, because again, you bring up a really good thing because ladies, um, Michelle, you, you don't have kids, but you are, you have experience with kids and you're cool dating guys with kids.

702
00:47:16.920 --> 00:47:21.200
Like there's no, you're totally fine with the idea of being a bonus mom.

703
00:47:21.760 --> 00:47:26.280
Um, do you want kids for yourself, like later in the future, like biologically?

704
00:47:27.280 --> 00:47:37.120
Um, I do, but I'm 34 and I have, I don't share this with guys, but I know I've had quite a few auto-immune like endocrine issues.

705
00:47:37.120 --> 00:47:40.760
And so I would love to, could I, would I love to have four kids?

706
00:47:40.760 --> 00:47:41.020
Yes.

707
00:47:41.020 --> 00:47:43.600
Do I see myself like physically giving birth to four kids?

708
00:47:43.640 --> 00:47:44.000
No.

709
00:47:44.000 --> 00:47:45.880
So like, I'm also open to adoption and foster.

710
00:47:45.880 --> 00:47:48.380
You're like, okay, Hey, I would like some of my own.

711
00:47:48.380 --> 00:47:53.500
If it doesn't happen, you're, you're open to whatever God wants to do and when involving children.

712
00:47:53.820 --> 00:47:54.140
Right.

713
00:47:54.140 --> 00:47:58.380
Except for I, I typically, I would only prefer to date a guy with younger kids.

714
00:47:58.420 --> 00:48:04.420
So like, you don't want like the older teen grown adult, it feels like a different season.

715
00:48:04.420 --> 00:48:06.460
It just feels odd to me.

716
00:48:06.540 --> 00:48:06.940
Yeah.

717
00:48:07.300 --> 00:48:07.660
Okay.

718
00:48:07.820 --> 00:48:10.620
I, that, that would be one of those things you're going to hold loosely.

719
00:48:10.900 --> 00:48:11.260
Okay.

720
00:48:11.700 --> 00:48:15.660
You're not going to, you know, that's where you're going to give, give God the pen because what if God shows up with this

721
00:48:15.660 --> 00:48:23.480
amazing guy and he's got a 13 year old daughter, like, you know, again, that happened to me.

722
00:48:24.480 --> 00:48:26.340
My, my husband showed up with an 11 year old.

723
00:48:26.340 --> 00:48:33.800
I, she's now 13 and y'all, I didn't like, I'm still learning how to navigate having a teen girl.

724
00:48:34.200 --> 00:48:34.480
Right.

725
00:48:34.480 --> 00:48:39.840
But you know, I'm constantly being reminded God doesn't like, what is the saying?

726
00:48:41.040 --> 00:48:44.360
God doesn't call the equipped.

727
00:48:44.460 --> 00:48:46.740
He equips the called ladies.

728
00:48:46.740 --> 00:48:48.820
That's my, that's my experience right now.

729
00:48:49.140 --> 00:48:54.900
So I love that you're open to this, but I think it's really a good question of how much grace do you give?

730
00:48:55.300 --> 00:49:02.060
So ladies keep in mind, single dads, it is probably a big challenge.

731
00:49:02.100 --> 00:49:03.420
It's, it's more challenging.

732
00:49:03.460 --> 00:49:04.740
And this is my opinion.

733
00:49:05.180 --> 00:49:09.940
It is more challenging for men to be single dads and is for single moms.

734
00:49:10.440 --> 00:49:17.040
Our society is really, it's like the single moms, the moms of all the single moms get the credit.

735
00:49:17.640 --> 00:49:22.360
The single dads, many of them don't know what they're doing at times.

736
00:49:22.720 --> 00:49:24.440
And they're just trying to stay afloat.

737
00:49:25.120 --> 00:49:25.540
Okay.

738
00:49:25.540 --> 00:49:31.480
And then we never know what their, the children's mother's like, she could be wonderful.

739
00:49:31.800 --> 00:49:34.280
She could not, we don't know.

740
00:49:34.280 --> 00:49:36.280
So again, we never really know.

741
00:49:36.300 --> 00:49:46.740
It's just, again, giving grace, knowing, especially if they have young children, that sometimes it's not about them not being interested.

742
00:49:46.780 --> 00:49:50.660
It's about their having to manage and balance their time.

743
00:49:51.340 --> 00:49:51.940
Okay.

744
00:49:52.380 --> 00:49:54.420
I can only give my experience.

745
00:49:54.460 --> 00:49:59.180
I was a single mom who had my child 95% of the time.

746
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.400
I only could date, go on physical dates every other Saturday night.

747
00:50:08.400 --> 00:50:16.720
But occasionally, I'd have a friend that would help me out and I could maybe go during a weekday.

748
00:50:17.840 --> 00:50:24.080
But it would be, that would be a challenge for me because I had to pick my kid up from, I was at

749
00:50:24.080 --> 00:50:29.920
work, pick my kid up from aftercare, get him fed, get him to wherever he was supposed to go, get my

750
00:50:29.920 --> 00:50:36.240
self ready to like look presentable for a date, quickly go on a date, pick him back up, get him

751
00:50:36.240 --> 00:50:42.400
his bath, get him to bed, and then be up early the next morning to get my kid going again. So,

752
00:50:44.160 --> 00:50:48.480
I probably, on many of those weekday dates, didn't show up in my best way.

753
00:50:50.160 --> 00:50:57.760
So, just keep that in mind. That's why I encourage you, let us know what's happening on each date.

754
00:50:57.760 --> 00:51:04.240
How is the man showing up? What's the communication like? Because again, I'm not,

755
00:51:04.800 --> 00:51:09.760
I was never somebody that wanted to communicate every single day. My life was busy. I was a

756
00:51:09.760 --> 00:51:15.520
single mom. That's interesting, like, because that's so different from where I'm like,

757
00:51:15.520 --> 00:51:19.280
me and my ex-boyfriend talked on the phone probably four times a day, you know, but,

758
00:51:20.160 --> 00:51:23.760
and so like, well, that was the boyfriend. You were in an exclusive relationship to talk.

759
00:51:24.320 --> 00:51:29.520
This is a complete stranger. You don't need to be talking to a complete stranger every single day.

760
00:51:30.400 --> 00:51:36.160
Because again, you ladies are, should be, okay, we encourage you ladies, I shouldn't say should,

761
00:51:36.160 --> 00:51:40.800
we encourage you ladies to get to know a couple different people at a time.

762
00:51:42.000 --> 00:51:48.800
I don't know about you all, but if I'm getting to know three different guys and I'm having

763
00:51:49.520 --> 00:51:55.200
three different conversations each day, plus my work, plus my own friends,

764
00:51:56.000 --> 00:52:03.280
and then if you have children, that's a lot. All right. So just keep that in mind.

765
00:52:07.120 --> 00:52:11.680
What, how does it make you feel if someone isn't reaching out to you every day?

766
00:52:12.000 --> 00:52:17.920
Um, at the beginning, it doesn't, it feels appropriate. I think we've been on four dates,

767
00:52:17.920 --> 00:52:26.720
though. I feel myself with him. I feel myself wanting to talk to him more. Just because I think

768
00:52:27.440 --> 00:52:32.320
I can sense that I'm wanting to, like, I just want to get to know him better because we only go out,

769
00:52:32.320 --> 00:52:38.240
like you said, every other weekend. And the last week, Saturday, I was sick. I was, I'm having like

770
00:52:38.880 --> 00:52:44.880
an autoimmune flare. And I just couldn't do a long distance all day, you know, day, because that's

771
00:52:44.880 --> 00:52:50.000
typically what, and I just, so I've been questioning, really praying about my capacity, his

772
00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:54.400
capacity, like, he's a great guy. I'm like, is this, does this make any sense? Like, you know,

773
00:52:54.400 --> 00:52:59.200
I'm kind of, can you, have you thought about going and being like, Hey, you know, we've been on four

774
00:52:59.200 --> 00:53:03.600
dates. I'm really enjoying to get to know you. I want to get to know you a little bit more.

775
00:53:04.560 --> 00:53:12.160
And I know that, you know, we don't have the time to have physical in-person dates, except every

776
00:53:12.160 --> 00:53:18.400
other weekend, which is totally cool. Is there any time in your schedule during the week that

777
00:53:18.400 --> 00:53:22.400
we can set out an hour where we can be on the phone and having conversation?

778
00:53:22.400 --> 00:53:27.680
Well, I did that a couple, I do that like three weeks ago. And he was like, well, I actually have

779
00:53:27.680 --> 00:53:32.880
been, he's a mental health therapist. And once I feel like he kind of, I don't know, like he's

780
00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:36.800
like, well, I've actually been waiting for you to see if you would initiate that. Cause I feel

781
00:53:36.800 --> 00:53:42.800
like the best relationships are 50, 50. And I was like, okay, but then he didn't like, so then I did

782
00:53:42.800 --> 00:53:48.960
call him like the next night, but then he, he's, I honestly just think he works 12 hour days and is

783
00:53:48.960 --> 00:53:54.000
getting a master's and has two little kids. And he just had a lot going on for sure. I mean,

784
00:53:54.000 --> 00:54:02.320
try this. I would say, Hey, like, let's say Sunday to say, Hey, you know, what's your week look like?

785
00:54:02.320 --> 00:54:07.120
Is there, you know, I'm free Wednesday and Thursday night for a phone call. Would, would

786
00:54:07.120 --> 00:54:11.600
either of those days or both of those days work for you? Let's go ahead. Maybe he's a person that

787
00:54:11.600 --> 00:54:18.320
needs to put things on his calendar. Who knows? I I'm just let's problem solve. Let's see if we

788
00:54:18.320 --> 00:54:23.760
can come up with some solutions. And if he's not taking the bait and he's not putting forth the

789
00:54:23.760 --> 00:54:29.680
effort, then, you know, you might need to have a conversation of like, Hey, I'm, I'm just seeing

790
00:54:29.680 --> 00:54:35.600
that maybe we don't, we're not in alignment with our, our scheduling and maybe we need to kind of

791
00:54:36.720 --> 00:54:41.840
part ways, or you might not even need to have that conversation at all.

792
00:54:41.840 --> 00:54:48.000
Are you also on the apps or finding other ways to get out and date and get to know other people?

793
00:54:48.000 --> 00:54:54.400
Yeah, I have gone on dates. They just haven't been, they've been like one or two dates that I have.

794
00:54:54.400 --> 00:54:59.520
And after the guy that, you know, you really are interested in, you kind of hope this might just be

795
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.960
it might take him some time to get himself caught up.

796
00:55:02.960 --> 00:55:06.480
You don't have to take him completely off.

797
00:55:07.700 --> 00:55:09.440
You're not closing the door on him,

798
00:55:09.440 --> 00:55:10.640
but he might be one of those,

799
00:55:10.640 --> 00:55:14.380
okay, that burner might need to simmer a little bit

800
00:55:14.380 --> 00:55:16.720
and see if it progresses to something

801
00:55:16.720 --> 00:55:19.280
while you're still getting out to know other people.

802
00:55:19.280 --> 00:55:21.560
You're putting out feelers for him,

803
00:55:21.560 --> 00:55:25.300
seeing what he has the capacity for.

804
00:55:25.300 --> 00:55:27.680
I think after four dates, I think it's okay to say,

805
00:55:27.680 --> 00:55:32.680
hey, do you find that you have the capacity for this?

806
00:55:35.040 --> 00:55:37.560
Having the conversation of,

807
00:55:37.560 --> 00:55:40.000
I notice it's really hard for us to get to know each other

808
00:55:40.000 --> 00:55:42.800
on any sort of deeper levels

809
00:55:42.800 --> 00:55:45.440
as we've gone on four dates now.

810
00:55:45.440 --> 00:55:48.920
Is this something that you're interested in

811
00:55:48.920 --> 00:55:50.560
continuing to get to know,

812
00:55:50.560 --> 00:55:53.400
or do we need to just kind of slow things down?

813
00:55:53.400 --> 00:55:56.280
What works?

814
00:55:56.280 --> 00:55:58.640
Yeah, I had a text drafted yesterday

815
00:55:58.640 --> 00:56:00.360
and I was gonna send it when he got home from work last night

816
00:56:00.360 --> 00:56:02.600
that basically was just that, but kind of ending it

817
00:56:02.600 --> 00:56:05.120
and just saying like, listen, I just, it feels like,

818
00:56:05.120 --> 00:56:07.560
it was really nice and well-written and whatever.

819
00:56:07.560 --> 00:56:09.800
And then he out of the blue called me last night

820
00:56:09.800 --> 00:56:12.060
and I had not complained, I had not said a word,

821
00:56:12.060 --> 00:56:14.200
but apologized for how busy he'd been,

822
00:56:14.200 --> 00:56:16.280
kind of said a lot of the things that were in my message.

823
00:56:16.280 --> 00:56:17.400
And so then I didn't say anything.

824
00:56:17.400 --> 00:56:22.400
That's where I think, don't put the ending on it, okay?

825
00:56:23.400 --> 00:56:27.320
I think for now, keep the door open.

826
00:56:27.320 --> 00:56:30.640
Let's kind of see how his life progresses.

827
00:56:30.640 --> 00:56:32.920
Just again, extend the grace.

828
00:56:32.920 --> 00:56:35.320
It's not like you're putting all your eggs in this basket.

829
00:56:35.320 --> 00:56:37.120
If you were putting all the eggs in this basket,

830
00:56:37.120 --> 00:56:39.160
I'd be like, okay, we're gonna need to navigate it.

831
00:56:39.160 --> 00:56:42.320
But you seem like you're still open

832
00:56:42.320 --> 00:56:43.480
to getting to know people.

833
00:56:43.480 --> 00:56:47.520
You're not gonna be devastated and tore up from the floor up

834
00:56:47.520 --> 00:56:50.160
if he just says, look, I'm sorry,

835
00:56:50.160 --> 00:56:52.440
this is just not a good season in my life.

836
00:56:52.440 --> 00:56:53.280
Right.

837
00:56:53.280 --> 00:56:56.280
You can be, okay, I respect that.

838
00:56:56.280 --> 00:56:58.480
I wish you the best of luck.

839
00:56:58.480 --> 00:56:59.320
Because again, ladies,

840
00:56:59.320 --> 00:57:03.480
just because things might not be working right now,

841
00:57:03.480 --> 00:57:05.240
doesn't mean that it's in that,

842
00:57:05.240 --> 00:57:07.560
like it could be a certain season.

843
00:57:07.560 --> 00:57:11.440
I can't tell you how many people in our community

844
00:57:12.600 --> 00:57:16.620
met their spirit mate and it didn't work out right away.

845
00:57:17.760 --> 00:57:19.760
And then it circled back around.

846
00:57:19.800 --> 00:57:21.680
There was full circle moments.

847
00:57:23.440 --> 00:57:25.160
Like we, so again,

848
00:57:25.160 --> 00:57:28.440
don't think that you have to have a hard ends.

849
00:57:28.440 --> 00:57:29.840
It can be amicable.

850
00:57:29.840 --> 00:57:34.040
You can, again, we're reciprocating effort here.

851
00:57:35.040 --> 00:57:38.320
We wanna reciprocate the effort that men are putting in.

852
00:57:39.960 --> 00:57:41.960
Does that make sense?

853
00:57:41.960 --> 00:57:43.440
Okay.

854
00:57:43.440 --> 00:57:46.000
We're not withholding ourselves.

855
00:57:46.000 --> 00:57:49.080
If we're reaching out to them, they're reaching out to us.

856
00:57:49.080 --> 00:57:51.520
It's kind of going mutual back and forth.

857
00:57:52.400 --> 00:57:53.240
Okay.

858
00:57:53.240 --> 00:57:54.560
We're not doing all the initiating.

859
00:57:54.560 --> 00:57:57.520
We're not making them do all the initiating.

860
00:57:57.520 --> 00:57:58.360
Okay.

861
00:57:58.360 --> 00:57:59.480
For a second date, yes,

862
00:57:59.480 --> 00:58:01.160
we want them to initiate the second date

863
00:58:01.160 --> 00:58:03.160
because it shows that they're still interested.

864
00:58:03.160 --> 00:58:04.800
But you have to communicate

865
00:58:04.800 --> 00:58:07.040
that you wanna go on a second date with them.

866
00:58:08.720 --> 00:58:09.840
Does that make sense?

867
00:58:09.840 --> 00:58:11.080
I don't know why I decided to say that

868
00:58:11.080 --> 00:58:14.480
because that's not privy to your situation right now.

869
00:58:14.480 --> 00:58:16.760
But as I'm talking with all of you ladies,

870
00:58:16.760 --> 00:58:18.920
I think that's important to just remember.

871
00:58:20.360 --> 00:58:24.160
But Michelle, definitely don't hesitate to post in the app

872
00:58:24.160 --> 00:58:25.800
like what's happening on your dates,

873
00:58:25.800 --> 00:58:28.200
what your interactions are like with them

874
00:58:28.200 --> 00:58:31.680
so that myself or Ebony can give you constant feedback

875
00:58:31.680 --> 00:58:32.840
and we can have eyes on it.

876
00:58:32.840 --> 00:58:36.240
Because ladies, remember, we're your wing women.

877
00:58:36.240 --> 00:58:37.240
Okay.

878
00:58:37.240 --> 00:58:39.880
We can help you see those blind spots.

879
00:58:39.880 --> 00:58:43.640
But if we don't get to see anything, it's blind to us too.

880
00:58:43.640 --> 00:58:47.640
We have to know what's happening in your situations.

881
00:58:47.640 --> 00:58:50.360
And for some of you, that's gonna be a stretch.

882
00:58:50.360 --> 00:58:52.920
It's gonna be a piece of vulnerability of like,

883
00:58:52.920 --> 00:58:54.840
oh, I gotta share something.

884
00:58:55.800 --> 00:58:56.960
Okay.

885
00:58:56.960 --> 00:58:57.800
All right.

886
00:58:57.800 --> 00:58:59.560
I'm taking up a lot of time for each of you

887
00:58:59.560 --> 00:59:00.920
and I wanna get to everybody

888
00:59:00.920 --> 00:59:02.560
and I've got about 15 minutes left.

889
00:59:02.560 --> 00:59:07.240
I've got Karen, Stephanie, and then my girl, Jennifer.

890
00:59:08.320 --> 00:59:10.360
Karen, how are you?

891
00:59:10.360 --> 00:59:12.560
And as Jennifer wanted us to read to the end,

892
00:59:12.560 --> 00:59:14.080
I wanted to make sure that she's still on.

893
00:59:14.080 --> 00:59:14.920
Okay, good.

894
00:59:14.920 --> 00:59:15.760
I see her.

895
00:59:15.760 --> 00:59:18.040
All right, Karen, you had some great,

896
00:59:19.040 --> 00:59:20.280
probably some revealing,

897
00:59:20.280 --> 00:59:22.280
like God kind of showed you

898
00:59:22.280 --> 00:59:25.000
where the root of some of your negative thoughts were.

899
00:59:25.000 --> 00:59:26.560
I'm not sure if that's what your question is.

900
00:59:26.560 --> 00:59:28.520
If it is, we can dive into it.

901
00:59:28.520 --> 00:59:30.400
If not, let's just short, brief and powerful.

902
00:59:30.400 --> 00:59:32.200
What is your question?

903
00:59:32.200 --> 00:59:35.080
You know, yeah, my question kind of has changed

904
00:59:35.080 --> 00:59:38.880
because a lot of questions have been getting answered.

905
00:59:38.880 --> 00:59:42.080
I've just started talking to people

906
00:59:42.120 --> 00:59:44.040
and I saw Kim Estes on here

907
00:59:44.040 --> 00:59:45.600
saying that she's a little nervous

908
00:59:45.600 --> 00:59:47.920
and I am tracking with you, Kim.

909
00:59:47.920 --> 00:59:52.920
I really did not want to get out there and do anything.

910
00:59:53.360 --> 00:59:57.840
But I think for me, the change became that

911
00:59:57.840 --> 01:00:00.200
it was the word dating for discovery.

912
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.000
really was important because I know that that's where,

913
01:00:05.560 --> 01:00:08.760
that's so important to me to continue the healing.

914
01:00:09.920 --> 01:00:14.160
So something actually popped up today with a coworker

915
01:00:14.160 --> 01:00:16.080
that would have been an ugly situation

916
01:00:16.080 --> 01:00:18.980
if I had been in a dating situation.

917
01:00:18.980 --> 01:00:21.780
And it may go back to what I posted in the group,

918
01:00:22.920 --> 01:00:24.920
but we've had a little bit of a conflict.

919
01:00:24.920 --> 01:00:27.640
I work as a children's ministry director now.

920
01:00:27.640 --> 01:00:29.680
And so when you work in a church setting,

921
01:00:30.360 --> 01:00:33.240
you obviously are dealing with different personalities

922
01:00:33.240 --> 01:00:36.640
cloaked under the whole Christian,

923
01:00:36.640 --> 01:00:38.640
we wanna make sure that we're not being offensive

924
01:00:38.640 --> 01:00:40.160
at any time.

925
01:00:40.160 --> 01:00:44.400
But I wanted to also just say the heart work did work

926
01:00:44.400 --> 01:00:47.320
because one of the things that has popped up

927
01:00:47.320 --> 01:00:50.720
is I realized that in previous relationships

928
01:00:50.720 --> 01:00:53.960
with not just men, but in general,

929
01:00:53.960 --> 01:00:56.620
people tend to assign me feelings.

930
01:00:56.620 --> 01:00:58.400
So they might say, oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

931
01:00:58.400 --> 01:01:00.880
but you were upset or, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

932
01:01:00.880 --> 01:01:04.220
You were sad at this moment or you were happy.

933
01:01:04.220 --> 01:01:08.020
So I knew, and we just went through a musical

934
01:01:08.020 --> 01:01:10.740
and we had some interesting things go down.

935
01:01:10.740 --> 01:01:12.080
And so we were in a meeting today

936
01:01:12.080 --> 01:01:15.660
and I got assigned the feeling upset.

937
01:01:15.660 --> 01:01:20.600
And it's so funny, I was not upset

938
01:01:20.600 --> 01:01:23.600
because thankfully for heart work,

939
01:01:23.600 --> 01:01:25.400
I had already started like digging in

940
01:01:25.400 --> 01:01:27.600
and I knew like when little things were popping up,

941
01:01:27.600 --> 01:01:30.560
I was like really addressing them and moving on.

942
01:01:30.560 --> 01:01:32.680
And there were opportunities to get upset, yes,

943
01:01:32.680 --> 01:01:34.280
but I was really fine.

944
01:01:34.280 --> 01:01:37.320
So I actually, but my response was out of bounds.

945
01:01:37.320 --> 01:01:39.680
I mean, I like came out like, you know what I mean?

946
01:01:39.680 --> 01:01:42.160
I came out like that line, like her,

947
01:01:42.160 --> 01:01:45.080
please don't assign feelings to me, do not do that.

948
01:01:45.080 --> 01:01:48.240
I will get upset if you assign feelings to me.

949
01:01:48.240 --> 01:01:51.120
And I know that that was way over the top

950
01:01:51.120 --> 01:01:53.960
and I'm gonna have to go back in and apologize to her.

951
01:01:54.000 --> 01:01:58.480
But I wanted to just address that

952
01:01:58.480 --> 01:02:00.000
and see what you're feeling with that

953
01:02:00.000 --> 01:02:02.880
as well as answer the questions that you had for me.

954
01:02:02.880 --> 01:02:05.720
Yeah, no, I think the first thing that came up is,

955
01:02:05.720 --> 01:02:10.440
give yourself grace for having an emotional response.

956
01:02:10.440 --> 01:02:11.880
It's totally okay.

957
01:02:11.880 --> 01:02:13.200
Ladies, I can't tell you how many times

958
01:02:13.200 --> 01:02:15.480
I have emotional responses in my marriage.

959
01:02:15.480 --> 01:02:17.880
And I'm like, oh, like I didn't handle that well.

960
01:02:17.880 --> 01:02:20.040
All right, we're not perfect.

961
01:02:20.040 --> 01:02:24.200
I think it's to be celebrated that you recognize

962
01:02:24.200 --> 01:02:28.280
what was bothering you,

963
01:02:28.280 --> 01:02:30.800
that you don't like being assigned feelings.

964
01:02:30.800 --> 01:02:33.640
It's being highlighted to you.

965
01:02:33.640 --> 01:02:36.680
The first thought that I had when you were saying that

966
01:02:36.680 --> 01:02:39.200
and how you can respond to people that assign you feelings,

967
01:02:39.200 --> 01:02:43.520
be like, oh, wow, that's interesting to hear.

968
01:02:43.520 --> 01:02:46.800
Can you help me understand why you thought I was upset?

969
01:02:46.800 --> 01:02:51.520
What was it that I did that made you feel like I was upset?

970
01:02:51.520 --> 01:02:53.520
And then you get to hear their response

971
01:02:53.520 --> 01:02:58.040
because maybe it's an action or something that you said

972
01:02:58.040 --> 01:03:00.680
that is their perception of you being upset.

973
01:03:00.680 --> 01:03:05.080
And then at that point, you'd be like, oh my goodness,

974
01:03:05.080 --> 01:03:08.360
I'm so sorry, I did not realize I did that.

975
01:03:08.360 --> 01:03:10.520
I didn't realize I said that.

976
01:03:10.520 --> 01:03:12.320
I actually was not upset.

977
01:03:12.320 --> 01:03:15.480
Oh, I'm sorry that I made you feel like I was upset.

978
01:03:15.480 --> 01:03:17.000
This is actually what happened

979
01:03:17.000 --> 01:03:20.240
and this is what I was experiencing.

980
01:03:20.240 --> 01:03:23.560
I should have put you in for me at the meeting today.

981
01:03:23.560 --> 01:03:26.920
Girl, I can only do this because I'm the outsider.

982
01:03:26.920 --> 01:03:29.280
Do you think I do this well in my own life?

983
01:03:29.280 --> 01:03:31.640
Probably not.

984
01:03:31.640 --> 01:03:34.120
I'm a very, like, I go,

985
01:03:34.120 --> 01:03:37.680
like I'm an emotionally responsive person.

986
01:03:37.680 --> 01:03:42.800
And so the only reason I can share this

987
01:03:42.800 --> 01:03:45.880
is because it's something that I have to remind myself

988
01:03:45.880 --> 01:03:48.640
to do on a daily basis.

989
01:03:48.640 --> 01:03:52.080
So just keep that in your back pocket.

990
01:03:53.160 --> 01:03:55.720
Thankfully, I have people in my life

991
01:03:55.720 --> 01:03:58.600
that constantly remind me,

992
01:03:58.600 --> 01:04:03.600
hey, like, maybe you need to ask more questions.

993
01:04:04.000 --> 01:04:06.720
Like my husband is the person, like 100%.

994
01:04:06.720 --> 01:04:11.360
Like, he's like, why do you often assume

995
01:04:11.360 --> 01:04:13.320
and not ask people questions?

996
01:04:13.320 --> 01:04:17.560
Like one thing I'm learning in my own communication skills

997
01:04:17.560 --> 01:04:19.560
is to ask more questions,

998
01:04:19.560 --> 01:04:23.120
to get more information from another person's perspective.

999
01:04:24.160 --> 01:04:27.160
My husband likes to say, feelings aren't facts.

1000
01:04:28.800 --> 01:04:31.200
But I'm like, but everything is feelings for me.

1001
01:04:31.200 --> 01:04:32.400
I'm a feeler.

1002
01:04:33.680 --> 01:04:37.360
So that was the first thing that came to mind

1003
01:04:37.360 --> 01:04:40.320
is when people assign you feelings,

1004
01:04:41.360 --> 01:04:45.040
to respond and, oh, wow, I didn't,

1005
01:04:46.680 --> 01:04:48.920
can you help me understand why you thought I felt that way?

1006
01:04:48.920 --> 01:04:50.400
Was there something that I did or said

1007
01:04:50.400 --> 01:04:52.760
that made you think that I was upset?

1008
01:04:52.760 --> 01:04:55.240
Made you think that I was frustrated?

1009
01:04:55.240 --> 01:04:57.080
Made you think that I was angry?

1010
01:04:57.080 --> 01:04:59.000
Made you think that I was sad?

1011
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.440
Like, and get why they actually believe that you are that, like, you have that feeling.

1012
01:05:06.440 --> 01:05:07.440
Address it.

1013
01:05:07.440 --> 01:05:10.480
Say, actually, that's not how I was feeling.

1014
01:05:10.480 --> 01:05:15.920
I'm sorry that, you know, my response to you or my action to you made you think that

1015
01:05:15.920 --> 01:05:24.360
I was, because then you can actually, if you, if there's a pattern there of a response,

1016
01:05:24.360 --> 01:05:27.960
God will reveal that to you and you can start working on showing up differently.

1017
01:05:27.960 --> 01:05:29.960
Does that make sense?

1018
01:05:29.960 --> 01:05:30.960
Yes.

1019
01:05:30.960 --> 01:05:34.600
And honestly, it was actually a blessing that I had a response because normally I really

1020
01:05:34.600 --> 01:05:39.960
try, I probably wear a mask and I think one of the things that's happening is like my

1021
01:05:39.960 --> 01:05:44.800
authentic, you know, I'm starting to be really probably more raw than I want to be right

1022
01:05:44.800 --> 01:05:48.280
now, but definitely more authentic, you know, as I'm working for it.

1023
01:05:48.280 --> 01:05:49.280
Yeah.

1024
01:05:49.280 --> 01:05:50.280
This is all.

1025
01:05:50.280 --> 01:05:54.920
And then, and I love the fact that, you know, that you also are connecting with Kim as well.

1026
01:05:54.920 --> 01:06:01.280
Because Kim, I wrote, I wrote your comment down too, and this feeling fearful to get

1027
01:06:01.280 --> 01:06:06.520
out into dating, like ladies, I cannot tell you, I as well struggled with that.

1028
01:06:06.520 --> 01:06:07.600
I was a single mom.

1029
01:06:07.600 --> 01:06:10.440
I had been hurt.

1030
01:06:10.440 --> 01:06:14.600
I was scared to go back and get hurt again because now it wasn't just me, it was, I had

1031
01:06:14.600 --> 01:06:16.780
a little one too.

1032
01:06:16.780 --> 01:06:23.120
And so it took me a little, a little while to get comfortable with the idea of dating.

1033
01:06:23.320 --> 01:06:28.840
But what I can say is that the sooner you get it started, the growth and the healing

1034
01:06:28.840 --> 01:06:30.400
really will take place.

1035
01:06:30.400 --> 01:06:35.040
And you have a community here that's here to support you, lift you up, give you encouragement

1036
01:06:35.040 --> 01:06:38.720
to help, you know, kind of take the edge and the nerves off.

1037
01:06:38.720 --> 01:06:44.320
But we all have, like God will utilize this opportunity to grow and heal you in ways that

1038
01:06:44.320 --> 01:06:47.560
you like, it's unimaginable.

1039
01:06:47.560 --> 01:06:55.080
Like I can't tell you my own experience of, it wasn't just, it wasn't just about finding

1040
01:06:55.080 --> 01:06:57.000
my spirit mate.

1041
01:06:57.000 --> 01:07:04.400
Like God was really growing me and healing me in areas that I had no idea I needed to

1042
01:07:04.400 --> 01:07:06.280
even be healed in.

1043
01:07:06.280 --> 01:07:13.000
And he used it in this community, in this program, and in the dating, you know, opportunities

1044
01:07:13.000 --> 01:07:16.600
or the fears and things that came up and came to surface.

1045
01:07:16.640 --> 01:07:23.360
So we'll encourage, Kim, if you haven't already, just make a post in the community.

1046
01:07:23.360 --> 01:07:26.720
We can kind of navigate that for you as well.

1047
01:07:26.720 --> 01:07:32.640
Kind of give you some tips of, you know, what's, what's keeping you blocked, what, what kind

1048
01:07:32.640 --> 01:07:37.280
of things can we just, you know, let's, let's put a, let's put a toe in, let's put a foot

1049
01:07:37.280 --> 01:07:38.280
in.

1050
01:07:38.280 --> 01:07:44.120
You don't, ladies, you don't have to go like marathon, run it, like go dive in super quick

1051
01:07:44.120 --> 01:07:47.160
and like, go head first in the deep end.

1052
01:07:47.160 --> 01:07:49.200
Like everybody has different paces.

1053
01:07:49.200 --> 01:07:50.200
Okay.

1054
01:07:50.200 --> 01:07:56.440
So it might just be this idea of, I'm going to get dressed in a dress.

1055
01:07:56.440 --> 01:07:57.440
I'm going to do my hair.

1056
01:07:57.440 --> 01:07:58.440
I'm going to do my makeup.

1057
01:07:58.440 --> 01:07:59.440
I'm going to go to the grocery store.

1058
01:07:59.440 --> 01:08:01.760
I'm going to start making eye contact with men.

1059
01:08:01.760 --> 01:08:04.200
I'm going to start making small talk with people.

1060
01:08:04.200 --> 01:08:06.480
I'm going to smile more.

1061
01:08:06.480 --> 01:08:12.680
Maybe we start you there and let's see how, how comfortable you get with that.

1062
01:08:12.680 --> 01:08:14.600
And then maybe it is going on the apps.

1063
01:08:14.600 --> 01:08:19.479
If you need our help with helping you with your profile, picking some photos for you

1064
01:08:19.479 --> 01:08:24.080
to post, we're here to do that for you ladies as well.

1065
01:08:24.080 --> 01:08:25.080
Okay.

1066
01:08:25.080 --> 01:08:27.319
But all good things, Karen.

1067
01:08:27.319 --> 01:08:31.160
I love the breakthroughs that you're getting, the revealings that you're getting.

1068
01:08:31.160 --> 01:08:37.600
I love that you, you recognize that you kind of grew up in this competitive environment.

1069
01:08:37.600 --> 01:08:42.960
And I think, you know, going through the hard work process, you know, maybe there's

1070
01:08:42.960 --> 01:08:49.680
some people that you, you know, you forgive, you know, situations that might start surfacing

1071
01:08:49.680 --> 01:08:57.439
some memories that come up and start recognizing what was your belief?

1072
01:08:57.439 --> 01:09:00.399
What's the belief that you started believing about being competitive?

1073
01:09:00.399 --> 01:09:01.880
Do you have a scarcity mindset?

1074
01:09:01.880 --> 01:09:07.960
Are you constantly feeling like you have to, that you have to measure up that you have

1075
01:09:07.960 --> 01:09:09.960
to be worth something?

1076
01:09:09.960 --> 01:09:17.160
No, that was, you hit like 100% nail on the head because we were trained.

1077
01:09:17.160 --> 01:09:18.160
There's one slot.

1078
01:09:18.160 --> 01:09:20.359
There are 300 of you for one slot.

1079
01:09:20.359 --> 01:09:26.920
When you mentioned ballet, I was like, Oh girl, it was so competitive.

1080
01:09:26.920 --> 01:09:29.040
Yeah, it was, it was cutthroat.

1081
01:09:29.040 --> 01:09:35.040
And I think that my experience was, was a little bit different because it was something

1082
01:09:35.040 --> 01:09:36.840
that I believe God wanted me to do.

1083
01:09:36.840 --> 01:09:42.960
And I've talked about this in other, in other scenarios, but it was something God wanted

1084
01:09:42.960 --> 01:09:43.960
me to do.

1085
01:09:43.960 --> 01:09:46.680
So I kept on getting called out into certain things.

1086
01:09:46.680 --> 01:09:54.440
So I did not have the audition experience, which was not super popular among the friends.

1087
01:09:54.440 --> 01:10:00.040
So yeah, so a lot of times you are, I mean, and you spend so much time.

1088
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.200
with them, that your besties are also competing with you for roles, they're competing with you

1089
01:10:05.200 --> 01:10:10.880
for positions at ballet schools and academies all over the country. It was just, so yeah,

1090
01:10:10.880 --> 01:10:16.160
like start navigating and being like, okay, what, what belief or lie was I believing in this

1091
01:10:16.160 --> 01:10:22.080
situation? Like what did, you know, and is it true? Well, no, it's not true. It's not a scarcity.

1092
01:10:22.080 --> 01:10:27.280
We don't live in a scarcity world. Like there's enough for everybody, right? God gives us all

1093
01:10:27.280 --> 01:10:34.080
good things, right? And so it's, again, it's just walking through that process, recognize what is

1094
01:10:34.080 --> 01:10:39.840
the lie that you believe while maybe even walking through some of that forgiveness. Do you need to

1095
01:10:39.840 --> 01:10:45.680
forgive, you know, your mom, your mom was critical. Okay. Do you need to forgive yourself? Do you need

1096
01:10:45.680 --> 01:10:50.640
to forgive some of your friends and the other girls that you were surrounded by? Was there

1097
01:10:50.640 --> 01:10:55.520
situations that you need to forgive and release them to God and then asking God to replace those

1098
01:10:55.520 --> 01:11:04.480
lies with his truth? What does he really say about you? You are worthy, right? And we don't,

1099
01:11:04.480 --> 01:11:12.800
we're not, we're like, our worth does not come from our ability to be chosen over somebody else

1100
01:11:12.800 --> 01:11:18.720
or whatever it is. Like, so I would encourage you to walk through that process. I think these

1101
01:11:18.720 --> 01:11:25.680
are all good things. Like ladies, this phase is not just about the whole dating. So many things

1102
01:11:25.680 --> 01:11:31.840
will be uncovered and revealed. And we will walk you through that process. Heartwork continues,

1103
01:11:32.720 --> 01:11:38.320
even in marriage, ladies, artwork will still continue. Karen, thank you so much for sharing.

1104
01:11:39.040 --> 01:11:43.920
Thank you, Carla. You're welcome. Stephanie. So good to see you. I feel like I missed you last week.

1105
01:11:44.880 --> 01:11:51.760
I wasn't here. I don't know what happened, but I wasn't here. I miss you too. I love your videos.

1106
01:11:51.760 --> 01:11:56.880
You crack me up. Thank you so much. I am trying, I'm trying to make sure you'll be proud of me

1107
01:11:56.880 --> 01:12:00.560
because every time I'm about to roll my eyes or do something, I was like, oh, she said, you must

1108
01:12:00.560 --> 01:12:06.400
be nice. Be nice. That was my first encounter with you. I must be nice. You're like, I hear

1109
01:12:06.480 --> 01:12:16.480
Carla in my ear. I do. Okay. So I, it was very quick. So I have not been on a date.

1110
01:12:16.480 --> 01:12:19.600
It kind of feel a little discouraging, but not discouraged at the same time.

1111
01:12:20.240 --> 01:12:25.840
And I was trying to figure, should I change my profile? I'm on the Facebook one. I did the

1112
01:12:25.840 --> 01:12:32.240
Holy one, but the Holy one, there are brand spanking new. And most of them, and you know,

1113
01:12:32.240 --> 01:12:37.040
they wanted to pay the subscription and then they're turning, asking you to promote the,

1114
01:12:37.040 --> 01:12:40.960
promote their thing. And I'm like, I can't pay you to promote you. That doesn't make any sense.

1115
01:12:41.680 --> 01:12:48.160
So, um, what do you suggest I could do to kind of like, yeah, I like the Facebook one,

1116
01:12:48.160 --> 01:12:52.880
that one for my own experience, it kind of ebbed and flowed. Like sometimes I had,

1117
01:12:52.880 --> 01:12:56.720
it was like raining men. I'm like, hallelujah. It's raining men. And other times I'm like,

1118
01:12:56.720 --> 01:13:02.160
where the men at? It's a drought. Like what's happening. All right. So that one is like, it's,

1119
01:13:02.160 --> 01:13:06.720
it's with seasons. So I would say just continue to keep giving that one a shot.

1120
01:13:07.360 --> 01:13:11.600
Um, yeah, maybe instead of doing the Holy, try, try something else. Try a new one.

1121
01:13:12.480 --> 01:13:19.600
Um, hinge upward. Um, so upward is so much, it has so much scammer on upward

1122
01:13:19.600 --> 01:13:24.080
is like something I'm trying to figure out if upward is safe, but you know, it's just the thing.

1123
01:13:24.080 --> 01:13:30.480
I mean, it's not just one site being unsafe over the others, ladies, believe it or not,

1124
01:13:30.480 --> 01:13:34.720
there's going to be scammers on every single one of these sites, you know? And that's again,

1125
01:13:34.720 --> 01:13:39.440
why I emphasize you ladies come to the community, let us know what's going on.

1126
01:13:39.440 --> 01:13:46.480
Make sure, I mean, it's, it's one reason why if you ladies are local, okay. You meet somebody

1127
01:13:46.480 --> 01:13:52.400
locally, you definitely get a Google number or set up like, and if you're on Facebook,

1128
01:13:52.400 --> 01:13:56.160
you can just messenger them. Okay. You don't have to be friends with somebody to,

1129
01:13:56.160 --> 01:14:02.960
to message somebody on Facebook or even do as a video call on Facebook messenger. So that's

1130
01:14:02.960 --> 01:14:08.320
why I like Facebook as the option, but you know, give a Google number. If you have it,

1131
01:14:08.320 --> 01:14:13.520
if you set up zooms, if they're local though, and you've had a few exchanges on the app,

1132
01:14:14.320 --> 01:14:19.600
meet them in person, just meet them in public places. Don't meet them super late at night.

1133
01:14:20.560 --> 01:14:26.720
Okay. But if they're local, don't hesitate to get in person. You don't have to do a video call

1134
01:14:26.720 --> 01:14:34.400
with someone look like if you can get in person, I encourage, and I would stress for you ladies,

1135
01:14:34.400 --> 01:14:41.440
if you are connecting with people that live an hour, two hours long distance, even further,

1136
01:14:42.480 --> 01:14:47.280
get that video call within the first week, make sure that they say who they are, who they are.

1137
01:14:48.000 --> 01:14:51.520
Cause ladies, if they do not want to jump on a video call and they keep dodging it,

1138
01:14:52.400 --> 01:14:57.680
probably because they're not who they say they are or they're insecure about how they look

1139
01:14:57.680 --> 01:14:59.840
because their pictures are from.

1140
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.600
from five, 10 years ago.

1141
01:15:02.520 --> 01:15:05.480
I mean, that's why I always encourage that.

1142
01:15:07.880 --> 01:15:10.440
Definitely try out another one if you want.

1143
01:15:10.440 --> 01:15:15.440
If you want, have you posted your profile

1144
01:15:15.600 --> 01:15:17.220
for us to look over before?

1145
01:15:20.960 --> 01:15:21.800
You can't remember.

1146
01:15:21.800 --> 01:15:23.480
No, no, but I-

1147
01:15:23.480 --> 01:15:26.160
If you wanna do that, we can look at that too

1148
01:15:26.160 --> 01:15:28.760
and we can see if maybe we can doctor it up a little bit.

1149
01:15:28.760 --> 01:15:29.640
Okay.

1150
01:15:29.800 --> 01:15:34.520
But I have a different, okay, nobody judge me, please.

1151
01:15:36.640 --> 01:15:41.640
Because what I'm gonna say, so because I've been,

1152
01:15:41.920 --> 01:15:45.680
I was in a very abusive marriage 10 years ago.

1153
01:15:45.680 --> 01:15:50.160
So I am, you know, the hard work helped me so much.

1154
01:15:50.160 --> 01:15:51.760
So this is my thing.

1155
01:15:51.760 --> 01:15:53.600
And if I'm praying wrong, so I've been,

1156
01:15:53.600 --> 01:15:54.840
this is my prayer, I've been praying,

1157
01:15:54.840 --> 01:15:58.520
Lord, I wanna either meet this person in the community

1158
01:15:58.520 --> 01:16:01.440
or this person will join the community

1159
01:16:01.440 --> 01:16:05.760
to get the heart healing or they're totally already healed.

1160
01:16:05.760 --> 01:16:09.120
And so that they can love me without, you know,

1161
01:16:09.120 --> 01:16:12.200
because some of those traumatic experiences,

1162
01:16:12.200 --> 01:16:16.280
sometimes I still act a little sheltered

1163
01:16:16.280 --> 01:16:18.380
and, you know, try to hold everything in.

1164
01:16:18.380 --> 01:16:19.800
So I've been praying for this.

1165
01:16:19.800 --> 01:16:23.120
If I'm doing it wrong, you can let me know,

1166
01:16:23.120 --> 01:16:24.640
but that's what I've been doing.

1167
01:16:24.640 --> 01:16:27.040
So I'm really, even though I'm out there doing it,

1168
01:16:27.040 --> 01:16:28.480
my eyes is really like,

1169
01:16:28.480 --> 01:16:30.720
I wish I could find someone in the community.

1170
01:16:30.720 --> 01:16:32.480
I know, absolutely.

1171
01:16:32.480 --> 01:16:34.640
And, you know, I can relate to that.

1172
01:16:34.640 --> 01:16:37.040
That was kind of even, you know, where I was at.

1173
01:16:37.040 --> 01:16:39.840
I'm like, oh, just let him already be in this community.

1174
01:16:39.840 --> 01:16:42.200
I did meet and talk to a few guys from this community

1175
01:16:42.200 --> 01:16:43.080
and it was great.

1176
01:16:43.080 --> 01:16:44.180
They were wonderful guys.

1177
01:16:44.180 --> 01:16:46.200
They just weren't my spirit mate.

1178
01:16:46.200 --> 01:16:49.040
I don't think there's anything wrong with being hopeful

1179
01:16:49.040 --> 01:16:50.840
that it works out that way.

1180
01:16:50.840 --> 01:16:54.880
But what I will say is sometimes God will challenge us

1181
01:16:54.880 --> 01:16:56.920
and God will bring us our spirit mate.

1182
01:16:57.760 --> 01:17:01.880
And we know we have a vision on what we want it to look like

1183
01:17:01.880 --> 01:17:02.960
and what we think it could look like

1184
01:17:02.960 --> 01:17:06.360
and how great would it be if it was this way.

1185
01:17:06.360 --> 01:17:10.680
Ladies, God will still just have his way

1186
01:17:10.680 --> 01:17:11.920
and it could be that way.

1187
01:17:11.920 --> 01:17:14.200
He might decide to do it completely different way.

1188
01:17:14.200 --> 01:17:17.640
Maybe it is, he's going to introduce you to spirit mate

1189
01:17:17.640 --> 01:17:20.040
on a dating app.

1190
01:17:20.040 --> 01:17:22.200
Because maybe he's going to take you through this,

1191
01:17:22.200 --> 01:17:25.360
being able to trust in him and trust in yourself

1192
01:17:25.360 --> 01:17:27.640
and find yourself to be open,

1193
01:17:27.640 --> 01:17:30.960
especially as you walk through the healing

1194
01:17:30.960 --> 01:17:32.800
from this traumatic experience

1195
01:17:32.800 --> 01:17:34.560
of being in an abusive marriage.

1196
01:17:34.560 --> 01:17:38.560
I can only like, that's hard ladies, I get it.

1197
01:17:38.560 --> 01:17:42.000
And that's why I'm so thankful for this community

1198
01:17:42.000 --> 01:17:45.400
and what Jackie teaches is because it's pieces

1199
01:17:45.400 --> 01:17:48.880
like the heart work that really is going to help continue

1200
01:17:48.880 --> 01:17:50.020
to give you more breakthrough.

1201
01:17:50.020 --> 01:17:52.600
And I think it's, you've done such a beautiful job here

1202
01:17:52.600 --> 01:17:53.460
with us, Stephanie,

1203
01:17:53.460 --> 01:17:55.500
and I know you've gotten so much great healing

1204
01:17:55.500 --> 01:17:56.880
and you continue to do it.

1205
01:17:56.880 --> 01:17:59.780
You show up, you do the uncomfortable things.

1206
01:17:59.780 --> 01:18:04.780
And like I said, we just never know what love story

1207
01:18:05.140 --> 01:18:06.740
God has written for us.

1208
01:18:07.620 --> 01:18:11.100
I like you and like so many women here is like,

1209
01:18:11.100 --> 01:18:14.140
please just bring him into the community.

1210
01:18:14.140 --> 01:18:17.780
I had one guy that was in our community

1211
01:18:17.780 --> 01:18:20.060
that lived in the town next to me.

1212
01:18:20.060 --> 01:18:22.260
And y'all, I lived in Sarasota, Florida.

1213
01:18:22.260 --> 01:18:25.340
It is not people and they were not in their 30s and 40s.

1214
01:18:25.340 --> 01:18:26.740
All the people who are in their 30s and 40s

1215
01:18:26.740 --> 01:18:28.620
were already married with kids.

1216
01:18:28.620 --> 01:18:32.180
It was really hard to find singles in that area,

1217
01:18:32.180 --> 01:18:34.140
in that region.

1218
01:18:34.140 --> 01:18:36.260
And so when this guy was in the community,

1219
01:18:36.260 --> 01:18:38.220
working through heart work,

1220
01:18:38.220 --> 01:18:39.820
and he was only like a couple of years younger than me

1221
01:18:39.820 --> 01:18:42.660
and he was super cute y'all, like he was really cute.

1222
01:18:43.900 --> 01:18:46.260
But we went out on a date and it just wasn't it.

1223
01:18:46.260 --> 01:18:51.260
We actually, he's a good friend, but I was so hopeful.

1224
01:18:52.140 --> 01:18:54.980
It was going to be through this community,

1225
01:18:54.980 --> 01:18:56.900
but God did it differently.

1226
01:18:56.900 --> 01:19:01.140
He used this community and one of the women in this community

1227
01:19:02.300 --> 01:19:04.820
to find my husband for me,

1228
01:19:04.820 --> 01:19:09.820
throw my name out to my husband on a Facebook group,

1229
01:19:09.940 --> 01:19:12.700
like a single Christian Facebook group.

1230
01:19:12.700 --> 01:19:15.500
One of the girls in this community was dating someone,

1231
01:19:15.500 --> 01:19:18.500
saw this, my husband's profile was like,

1232
01:19:18.500 --> 01:19:20.860
you need to meet my friend.

1233
01:19:21.500 --> 01:19:22.500
And he's like, huh?

1234
01:19:24.260 --> 01:19:28.780
And so I did meet my husband through this community,

1235
01:19:28.780 --> 01:19:30.660
but he didn't enter this community.

1236
01:19:32.260 --> 01:19:34.460
He didn't do the heart work with Jackie.

1237
01:19:34.460 --> 01:19:36.820
He did his own therapy and his own counseling.

1238
01:19:38.540 --> 01:19:43.460
So you just never know how God can write your love story.

1239
01:19:43.460 --> 01:19:46.180
So I don't think there's anything wrong

1240
01:19:46.180 --> 01:19:49.820
with praying for it, desiring it, being hopeful,

1241
01:19:49.860 --> 01:19:53.540
but let's just, again, hold those things loosely

1242
01:19:53.540 --> 01:19:54.900
and be open.

1243
01:19:56.180 --> 01:19:58.900
Yeah, you will stay open and you're going to do great.

1244
01:19:58.900 --> 01:20:00.500
We're here to help you navigate.

1245
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.720
Like I said, if you want to post your profile, like what we can maybe doctor that up, share

1246
01:20:06.720 --> 01:20:10.360
with us the photos that you've used, we can kind of help you with that.

1247
01:20:10.360 --> 01:20:15.100
I will tell you sometimes like y'all before this program, some of my photos that I use

1248
01:20:15.100 --> 01:20:18.600
were probably just not good dating photos.

1249
01:20:18.600 --> 01:20:24.240
And so it kind of attracted the not got like great guys that I was attracting.

1250
01:20:24.240 --> 01:20:27.560
And so I had to change even my photos up a little bit.

1251
01:20:27.560 --> 01:20:30.680
So those are all things that we're here to help you with.

1252
01:20:30.680 --> 01:20:31.680
Okay.

1253
01:20:31.680 --> 01:20:32.680
Sound good.

1254
01:20:32.680 --> 01:20:33.680
All right.

1255
01:20:33.680 --> 01:20:34.680
Jennifer, are you ready?

1256
01:20:34.680 --> 01:20:38.560
I'm going to I'm going to extend it like let's, let's try to button this up in five minutes

1257
01:20:38.560 --> 01:20:41.360
so that I'm not going to too far over time.

1258
01:20:41.360 --> 01:20:42.360
Okay.

1259
01:20:42.360 --> 01:20:43.360
Yeah, of course.

1260
01:20:43.360 --> 01:20:49.840
Um, I can also hop on with Ebony later on, try to, because it probably doesn't need more

1261
01:20:49.840 --> 01:20:50.840
than five minutes.

1262
01:20:50.840 --> 01:20:51.840
Okay.

1263
01:20:51.840 --> 01:20:52.840
Yeah.

1264
01:20:52.840 --> 01:20:57.480
And I can, I'll shoot Ebony a message to have you go first.

1265
01:20:58.400 --> 01:20:59.400
Thank you.

1266
01:20:59.400 --> 01:21:00.400
Go first today.

1267
01:21:00.400 --> 01:21:01.400
That's totally fine.

1268
01:21:01.400 --> 01:21:02.400
That's my fault.

1269
01:21:02.400 --> 01:21:06.480
I was trying to work and I, my passenger was in my car a little longer than I don't blame

1270
01:21:06.480 --> 01:21:07.480
you.

1271
01:21:07.480 --> 01:21:11.000
Like, yeah, I can totally, I can totally understand that.

1272
01:21:11.000 --> 01:21:16.240
The one thing that I, okay, so I'm just going to give a brief background.

1273
01:21:16.240 --> 01:21:19.880
Jennifer came and she's been sharing some stuff in the app, which is great.

1274
01:21:19.880 --> 01:21:21.200
She's doing exactly what we know.

1275
01:21:21.200 --> 01:21:22.600
We encourage you ladies to do.

1276
01:21:22.600 --> 01:21:27.320
She's showing up, letting us know what's happening in her life and her dating life, what she's

1277
01:21:28.160 --> 01:21:29.160
experiencing.

1278
01:21:29.160 --> 01:21:36.680
And, um, you brought something up about a guy, like right now you're kind of, um, navigating

1279
01:21:36.680 --> 01:21:40.560
financial and career transition, so you're not really dating, but there's a guy that,

1280
01:21:40.560 --> 01:21:44.440
you know, you know, a community that asked you out on a date.

1281
01:21:44.440 --> 01:21:48.120
It sounded like he canceled on you, rescheduled.

1282
01:21:48.120 --> 01:21:52.000
You weren't sure how you felt about him, but you brought something up.

1283
01:21:52.000 --> 01:21:57.200
And this is why I wanted just to see if maybe there's some revealing for healing there and

1284
01:21:58.080 --> 01:21:59.080
maybe there isn't.

1285
01:21:59.080 --> 01:22:01.840
Maybe there is your, and I'm just quoting.

1286
01:22:01.840 --> 01:22:08.520
I feel like anytime a guy has shown me that he might not be prepared to show up or treat

1287
01:22:08.520 --> 01:22:14.640
me well, I gave them a second chance and I ended up getting hurt and regretting it.

1288
01:22:14.640 --> 01:22:22.240
My question was, do you find that this is a pattern?

1289
01:22:22.240 --> 01:22:33.280
I will say that I think the pattern for me is such that, and I think I'm have been, why

1290
01:22:33.280 --> 01:22:39.120
I wanted to talk it through is because I've been trying to use this community and the

1291
01:22:39.120 --> 01:22:43.200
movement through it more so for healing than for finding my spirit mate.

1292
01:22:43.200 --> 01:22:46.760
Like I think that's the byproduct, like you were saying earlier.

1293
01:22:46.920 --> 01:22:53.480
So in that, I've been kind of like self-examining, like what have I been doing wrong?

1294
01:22:53.480 --> 01:23:00.640
And I think I've been kind of beating myself up a little bit about not when God shows me

1295
01:23:00.640 --> 01:23:09.120
something and I go to take action on it, like say goodbye to a person, I don't stick to that.

1296
01:23:09.120 --> 01:23:11.320
So I'm not good at ending things.

1297
01:23:11.320 --> 01:23:13.280
I'm not good at walking away.

1298
01:23:13.280 --> 01:23:18.080
And so I let people circle back and come back into my life and then I get hurt in exactly

1299
01:23:18.080 --> 01:23:20.280
the way that God showed me I was going to.

1300
01:23:20.280 --> 01:23:27.160
Like the last person before I came to this community had similar behaviors and he ghosted

1301
01:23:27.160 --> 01:23:32.280
me after we had gone on our third date and made plans for another date.

1302
01:23:32.280 --> 01:23:37.760
And so I gave him about a week and prayed about it.

1303
01:23:37.760 --> 01:23:42.400
And then I was like, okay, I'm very clear that there's some dishonesty happening.

1304
01:23:42.520 --> 01:23:44.160
Like he said that he was out of town.

1305
01:23:44.160 --> 01:23:47.280
He posted on social media that he was at a wedding in town.

1306
01:23:47.280 --> 01:23:49.040
So there were just some things that came up.

1307
01:23:49.040 --> 01:23:54.080
So I very politely said to him, like, hey, it was really nice getting to know you.

1308
01:23:54.080 --> 01:23:56.200
I think that there's some inconsistency here.

1309
01:23:56.200 --> 01:24:01.360
So this person that I'm asking you about just texted me as we're talking.

1310
01:24:01.360 --> 01:24:04.560
I just got a text from him as we're talking.

1311
01:24:04.560 --> 01:24:05.560
Oh Lord.

1312
01:24:05.560 --> 01:24:06.560
Yeah.

1313
01:24:06.560 --> 01:24:07.560
But so I-

1314
01:24:07.560 --> 01:24:08.560
Challenging ladies.

1315
01:24:08.560 --> 01:24:12.160
They all, that's, I mean, that's, I mean, we learned that in heartwork, right?

1316
01:24:12.920 --> 01:24:18.520
Because sometimes when we like put boundaries up, those people will start creeping back

1317
01:24:18.520 --> 01:24:19.520
in.

1318
01:24:19.520 --> 01:24:23.920
It's almost like a spiritual, like, okay, I'm going to, you know, custom tie.

1319
01:24:23.920 --> 01:24:26.800
And then all of a sudden it's like, whoo, they feel it, you know?

1320
01:24:26.800 --> 01:24:30.160
And they don't even know, like that's what's happening.

1321
01:24:30.160 --> 01:24:35.960
But this is the person, this is a year ago before I came into heartwork where this happened,

1322
01:24:35.960 --> 01:24:40.040
but he came back a week later and gave me a big explanation and an apology.

1323
01:24:40.040 --> 01:24:46.040
He made me a playlist, love-bombed me, said that he was very sorry that he was ending

1324
01:24:46.040 --> 01:24:51.080
things with someone else and that he wanted to, you know, clarify things.

1325
01:24:51.080 --> 01:24:55.480
So I gave him a second chance and I got my heart broken in exactly the way God showed

1326
01:24:55.480 --> 01:24:57.400
me that I would have the first time.

1327
01:24:57.400 --> 01:25:00.000
I also feel like I opened a door.

1328
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.280
That I shouldn't have there because God was trying to show me some things about his spirituality. He's not a believer

1329
01:25:05.280 --> 01:25:06.840
He said he was into

1330
01:25:06.840 --> 01:25:08.600
indigenous practices

1331
01:25:08.600 --> 01:25:10.600
family is part Native American

1332
01:25:11.040 --> 01:25:13.040
and so

1333
01:25:13.320 --> 01:25:17.800
After I ended things I came out of my house, this is gonna sound crazy, but there were

1334
01:25:18.680 --> 01:25:21.480
torn off bird wings left on my vehicle

1335
01:25:22.000 --> 01:25:27.040
Bloody bird wings the next it looked it looks like witchcraft type stuff, right?

1336
01:25:27.760 --> 01:25:32.280
But I've had nothing but car problems since then not to be like hyper spiritual

1337
01:25:33.080 --> 01:25:39.800
but ever every single thing that God showed me what would transpire in my life if I allowed that person access has come up and

1338
01:25:39.800 --> 01:25:41.800
I've paid a price for it and

1339
01:25:43.040 --> 01:25:46.080
I want to encourage you. Let's like pray

1340
01:25:47.360 --> 01:25:51.200
Against that because it is if if that's what's happening

1341
01:25:51.200 --> 01:25:56.320
That's a spiritual attack and there is power in our prayers when we start

1342
01:25:56.440 --> 01:26:00.560
Partnering cuz God's not gonna sit here and let all these horrible things happen to you

1343
01:26:00.560 --> 01:26:07.120
Yeah, it's a spiritual battle. And so I don't want you start feeling like I did something wrong. So now this is happening to me

1344
01:26:09.760 --> 01:26:13.960
Yeah, can I show you I'm standing in front of my car not long after that happened

1345
01:26:13.960 --> 01:26:16.400
I was literally driving down the road and I hit a coyote

1346
01:26:16.920 --> 01:26:22.960
At random like it just ran out on the road this is what happens bring a hedge a protection over your vehicle

1347
01:26:23.280 --> 01:26:28.960
Thank you Heavenly Father. I just you know, you are a good and loving father. You love Jennifer Lord

1348
01:26:29.320 --> 01:26:34.080
She her heart is to be obedient to you and you are a kind and loving father Lord

1349
01:26:34.120 --> 01:26:41.320
But even when we step out of you are big or your obedience or your desire for us. You are such a loving father

1350
01:26:42.320 --> 01:26:44.320
That you correct us gently

1351
01:26:45.200 --> 01:26:51.480
Lord and I just pray that over Jennifer right now that you soften her heart and

1352
01:26:52.720 --> 01:26:54.720
towards herself Lord

1353
01:26:55.400 --> 01:26:57.400
That she forgives herself

1354
01:26:57.960 --> 01:27:04.720
That you love her and that yes, Kathy no weapon formed against Jennifer can prosper

1355
01:27:04.720 --> 01:27:10.600
Lord we just again just hedge a protection not just over her vehicle, but over her dating

1356
01:27:11.120 --> 01:27:13.120
experiences Lord

1357
01:27:13.680 --> 01:27:15.680
That you are just going to bring

1358
01:27:16.200 --> 01:27:21.600
Solid men of faith in her path to show her that good men

1359
01:27:22.480 --> 01:27:24.480
exist

1360
01:27:24.480 --> 01:27:30.000
There are men that are for you. There are kinsmen Redeemers out there

1361
01:27:30.000 --> 01:27:37.880
That there are masculine men out there that are going that want and desire to step into the kingdom marriages that you have

1362
01:27:38.640 --> 01:27:43.160
Anointed every single one of them and their wives for Lord

1363
01:27:43.160 --> 01:27:49.400
I pray that anointing over every woman on this call every woman on this replay

1364
01:27:50.240 --> 01:27:54.800
That you have anointed them for the marriages that are going to bring glory

1365
01:27:54.800 --> 01:28:00.800
Anointed them for the marriages that are going to bring glory for your kingdom Heavenly Father. I

1366
01:28:02.000 --> 01:28:04.000
Thank you for this. Oh

1367
01:28:05.880 --> 01:28:07.880
And your son's mighty name

1368
01:28:08.720 --> 01:28:13.080
Amen Carla, can I pray for her? Yes, okay

1369
01:28:14.360 --> 01:28:19.720
Jennifer we're gonna break the curse off because you need to break the curse off. There's a curse

1370
01:28:20.520 --> 01:28:23.640
Okay, so in the name of Jesus I

1371
01:28:24.360 --> 01:28:26.120
break the curse

1372
01:28:26.120 --> 01:28:29.320
off of me and he hacks backs

1373
01:28:30.360 --> 01:28:31.560
incantation

1374
01:28:31.560 --> 01:28:33.560
spiritual attack that is

1375
01:28:34.840 --> 01:28:36.840
That is from the pit of hell

1376
01:28:37.400 --> 01:28:39.400
father

1377
01:28:39.720 --> 01:28:44.760
Jennifer does not partner with the curse. She no longer is attached to the curse

1378
01:28:45.520 --> 01:28:53.040
The blood of Jesus covers her there's a ring of fire around her her property her car her family

1379
01:28:53.800 --> 01:28:56.320
Her mind her heart her spirit her soul

1380
01:28:57.520 --> 01:29:02.240
she is covered and cleansed by the blood of the Lamb from this curse and

1381
01:29:02.920 --> 01:29:05.280
We play pray blessings of abundance

1382
01:29:06.200 --> 01:29:08.200
repair and

1383
01:29:10.000 --> 01:29:12.000
Justice that

1384
01:29:12.320 --> 01:29:14.320
Father God, we ask that you would

1385
01:29:15.000 --> 01:29:17.720
Repay everything that the enemy has stolen

1386
01:29:18.720 --> 01:29:21.440
You say that it comes seven times?

1387
01:29:22.080 --> 01:29:26.880
So father, we just thank you for that. We thank you for Jennifer that she is free

1388
01:29:28.160 --> 01:29:30.160
from this person

1389
01:29:30.560 --> 01:29:32.560
from the curse

1390
01:29:32.720 --> 01:29:38.480
From anything that comes up against her and so father God right now in the name of Jesus

1391
01:29:39.040 --> 01:29:45.920
We just thank you that you love your your daughter Jennifer and that it is done and finished

1392
01:29:46.160 --> 01:29:48.160
in Jesus name

1393
01:29:48.720 --> 01:29:49.760
Amen

1394
01:29:49.760 --> 01:29:52.240
Amen. Thank you. Anita. That's wonderful

1395
01:29:52.960 --> 01:29:59.360
Jennifer i'm so glad that you couldn't that you stayed on this call. I'm, so so thankful for you joining us. I think

1396
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:07.120
some spiritual things just broke off, and I want to encourage you that you didn't do anything wrong.

1397
01:30:08.320 --> 01:30:14.160
You didn't know what you didn't know, and it's okay to forgive yourself and move forward.

1398
01:30:14.160 --> 01:30:20.480
That's what this community is all about, okay? You don't have to be fearful that you're going

1399
01:30:20.480 --> 01:30:27.360
to give men a second chance that are going to hurt you, okay? You have a community,

1400
01:30:27.360 --> 01:30:36.240
a support system, and most importantly, you have God, okay? Thank you so much. Ladies,

1401
01:30:37.600 --> 01:30:41.840
I appreciate each and every one of you. I hope that this call has blessed you.

1402
01:30:42.880 --> 01:30:47.840
Don't forget to get dressed up this week, go out, take a picture of yourself,

1403
01:30:48.560 --> 01:30:55.120
all right? Share in the community. Let us know what dating experiences that you got going on,

1404
01:30:55.120 --> 01:31:00.640
okay? We're here to help you. It's not just about finding your spirit mate. It's about

1405
01:31:00.640 --> 01:31:06.960
the preparation. It's about healing and growing, all of that, okay? God's going to come do some

1406
01:31:06.960 --> 01:31:15.360
amazing things, and the husband is just the cherry on top, okay? Ladies, such a pleasure.

1407
01:31:16.080 --> 01:31:20.320
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't wait to hear from you all in the app this week,

1408
01:31:20.320 --> 01:31:27.200
and see you again next week. Okay, bye. I'm praying for you, Carla. I'm praying for you.

1409
01:31:27.200 --> 01:31:31.600
Bye-bye. Good night. Okay. Bye, ladies. Bye-bye.