WEBVTT

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But do I have okay, I got I got one, two, three, four, four ladies on camera. So I need

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to see more of your pretty faces, y'all. So, get yourself on camera. I don't care if you

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still are in your pajamas. It's totally fine. I have no makeup on today and I don't have

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my contacts in. Okay. So like it, you don't, we don't care here. Our Tuesday live calls

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are a little more relaxed. It's not like we have the men in the community where we're

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trying to get all dolled up. Okay. That, that will come in phase three. When y'all graduate

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into phase three, we will have those community sessions where the men and the women are on.

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Those are the ones that yes, you want your camera on and you want your hair done and

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your makeup done. Okay. But for this, you don't have to, okay. You know, do definitely

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at times practice starting to get ready. Like sometimes I will give that activation

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for you ladies through the course of this phase where you're just going to go and get

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your hair, your makeup on even when you're going to the grocery store. I've done that

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before. I'm not doing that yet. Okay. So that's not our activation this week, but just be

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prepared because that might come. But yes, let's get your cameras on. I want to see your

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beautiful faces. Do I have any new ladies to phase two or Luster accelerator? Do I have

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anybody here for their first time? Most of you look familiar. Oh, Elaine. Yes. Elaine

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is new. Do I have anybody else? You can raise your avatar hands. Okay. I think everybody

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I recognize because I was on both calls last week while Ebony was resting and recovering.

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She's doing fantastic. For those of you ladies that have been asking, she's doing really,

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really well. So just continue to keep her in your prayers. Brittany, that is a really

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great question. How long are you in phase two before you get to phase three? So the

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minimum is four to five weeks. And the reason we say that is because if you are doing your

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training videos, okay, so that's under, I think it's the coaching or training tab. I

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can't remember. I think it's changed. But that's where your five videos are for this

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phase. You're going to watch one a week. Okay. So that's actually something I wanted to cover

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in housekeeping today. So those of you that are new, make sure you're only watching one

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a week. I know it's very exciting, awesome information, and you're going to want to watch

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them all. Like you could just sit there and binge watch them, but we ask you not to. The

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reason for that is because we really want you to sit and process one video a week and

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allow Holy Spirit to highlight certain topics in those videos that he is speaking specifically

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to your heart that you can be working on. And then applying that into your life for

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that week. Come to the community in the app, process through with it, process with us through

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it. Hopefully you all know by now, my words are getting all tongue tied here. But yeah,

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make sure you're showing up and letting us know how those videos spoke to you. And then

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once you watch all of those videos in that four to five week period, if you feel confident

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and ready enough to go into phase three, we let you go to phase three. Now what a lot

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of the women in the community often do is they want to at least get one or two dates

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under their belts and process through those dates with us coaches and feeling confident

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and working on those guardrails that we kind of set up and set in place for you ladies

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with dating. Because remember you come out of heartwork in phase one. And so now you're

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going to practice what you've learned in heartwork and you're going into dating with a healed

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and healthier heart, which is going to change the dating game for you. However, keep in

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mind that now that you are dating with some heartwork, there are going to be some triggers,

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some revealing for healings that will start surfacing with your dating because it's going

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to be different. It's going to feel a little uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable because

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you're not used to dating in that way. And so some women stick a little longer after

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four or five weeks if they haven't been on any dates and then walk through some of those

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dating experiences with myself or Ebony and we just kind of help you put those new dating

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practices into place.

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Okay, we help you kind of see some blind spots.

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We also will highlight and kind of do some of those tough questions with you that will

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reveal some areas of heartwork to work on dating because that's one thing that I want

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to remind you ladies is that just because you came out of heartwork doesn't mean that

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heartwork is done.

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Heartwork is going to always continue.

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You're going to constantly be evolving and growing and God's going to continue to upgrade

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you.

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Okay, things that you were not even aware that you need healed will surface.

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It will surface in dating.

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It will surface as you are navigating relationships with friends, family, co-workers, and believe

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it or not, heartwork revealing for healings will surface even in your marriage, okay?

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And so we want to help you put those heartwork tools into practice once you get involved

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with the dating, okay?

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Sound like a plan?

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Does that help everyone here?

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I always like to kind of give that reminder and just kind of get our minds like set on

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that.

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A couple more things, I'm noticing at times and I'm not saying anyone specifically currently

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in our group now, but I felt put on my heart to share this because I've seen it in the

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past is one thing that I've noticed at times is women come out of phase one and into phase

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two and they were dating in phase one when we've asked you not to date, okay?

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Now you're not in trouble if you did.

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If you were dating somebody in phase one, it's okay if you didn't follow it.

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Why I say this is if you were, it's really important that you let us coaches know because

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what we will oftentimes see is that if you were dating in that heartwork phase, you might

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not have tapped into a full like heart healing because you had the distraction of dating,

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okay?

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And so that just helps us kind of navigate you as now that you're in phase two and you

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are going to start dating more, okay?

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So I just, I'm sharing this for maybe anybody that watches it in replay, maybe in the next

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couple of weeks, somebody might watch this in replay.

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And so it's just important that if you were like, okay, I'm not going to, I'm not going

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to follow that role.

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Like you're not going to get reprimanded, but it does give myself and Ebony at least

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an understanding of, okay, we might need to really focus on some areas of heart healing

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if we see that kind of stuff coming up.

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Okay.

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And lastly, ladies, I just want to give a kind reminder, please refrain from quoting,

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posting, linking any other authors, influencers, speakers, pastors, anything of that nature,

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okay?

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Because we don't have the library to vet.

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We can't vet their libraries out.

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Okay.

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So what that means is we want to make sure that what is being shared in our last year

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single community aligns with what we teach and what Jackie has made.

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She spent a lot of time and effort in like, and God has downloaded a lot of really great

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things.

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And so sometimes what can happen is we will share something from a speaker.

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We will share something from a speaker and it really doesn't align with what we teach

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in the program.

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Okay.

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So just as long as you, if you refrain from just posting those quotes, the pastors, speakers,

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authors, don't link any of their libraries of things that they do, whether it's a video

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or whatever.

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Now what is okay is posting like linking worship songs.

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Like that was actually an activation for you ladies this week.

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And so speaking of that, how many of you found that that was really helpful this week?

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Karen, just raise your avatar hands, Missy, awesome.

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I want to thank you ladies for sharing those, like it was very uplifting for me to go and

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click and listen to those worship songs as well.

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I actually was excited because I feel like we had so many more ladies participating in

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that activation this week and actually utilizing the app more.

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And so that was incredible.

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So I really, really, really appreciate that.

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And so for this coming week's activation, I really.

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want us focusing on participating in the app.

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Okay, because that is one of the reasons

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why our community is as successful as it is.

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Now, when I joined in 2020,

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and I joined Jackie's community,

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it was set up a little differently.

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It was much smaller than it is now.

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But one of the things that was really fruitful

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was that we had a lot of the women

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we had connections with one another.

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Because we were sharing our experiences,

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we were allowing ourselves to be vulnerable.

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We were allowing women all across the country

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and the globe, because believe it or not,

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we even had, it was international even

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in the very beginning.

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And so now we're just getting more people

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internationally coming in.

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I know Christine, she was on here.

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I think she's still on here.

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She is.

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She's in France.

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We had Mary Scott, she's in the UK.

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We had at one point somebody that was from Singapore.

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So we had a lot of international things.

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And so we just, I mean, I have friends all over.

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I was sharing last week, I even got to attend

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the wedding of one of the women that is from Australia.

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She and her fiance flew over to the United States

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and they got married in Austin, Texas.

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And my husband and I lived in the Dallas Fort Worth area.

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So we were able to drive down

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and be a part of her wedding ceremony.

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And so it's successful because you ladies

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allow yourself to make connections

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and draw close to women that are in the same season

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of life as you, and you all can lean on each other.

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You can lift each other up.

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And it really, really is impactful.

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And so I really want you to spend time

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getting in the app, especially on every Sunday,

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Bethany will make a post.

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It will be pinned to the top under the all app

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and it's our roll call post.

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And so I wanna pull it up right now

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because I have this just gut feeling

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that oftentimes it gets overlooked.

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But I really want you ladies to focus on spending time

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and read through that post

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and process what we share in that post

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and then reply in that comment thread what you've processed.

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So if you need to read through it

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and spend a day or two processing it,

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then come back and share with us where you're at.

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So for example, this last Sunday,

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Bethany shared and I'm just gonna read it off,

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showing up for the hard things.

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Your breakthrough begins here.

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Beautiful last year, single family.

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The Holy Spirit is calling you to show up,

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especially when it feels impossible.

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Can you sense it?

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God is inviting us to step into the difficult seasons,

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the uncomfortable growth and the places

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where our faith gets stretched

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because this is where our greatest breakthrough lives.

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This is the moment to stop running from hard things

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and start running toward them with kingdom courage.

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The fruit that comes from the perseverance

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is sweeter than anything comfort could ever offer.

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Your willingness to show up when it's hard

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is what separates breakthrough from breakdown.

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Y'all, I cannot tell you how true that is.

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Having been in this program,

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I was in this community as a single

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for over two years before I met my husband.

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And let me tell you, I'm gonna be real with y'all,

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is there will be hard times in this season.

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It will be difficult.

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It will stretch you.

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It will grow you.

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There were times that I had breakdowns, y'all.

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But I didn't isolate myself in those breakdowns.

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I came to this community

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and I connected with my sisters here.

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And because I did that and I showed up

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and I showed up when it was difficult,

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breakthrough actually happened.

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So I can't tell you how true that is

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having experienced myself.

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Okay, I'm gonna continue on.

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Stop waiting for the perfect moment

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to step into your calling.

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Your breakthrough isn't found

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in the waiting room of someday.

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It's found in the messy middle of right now

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where faith meets action.

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Here's your challenge this week.

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So now this is what's gonna be part of your challenge.

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And again, ladies, this is in our community app.

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So if you don't have a pen and paper

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to write all of these things down,

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it's right there in your app.

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You can pull that post up from Bethany.

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It's pinned to the top.

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Well, field check.

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Where are you running empty?

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Heed those internal warning signs

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and prioritize rest, prayer, and alignment with God

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before you burn out.

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Community audit. Surround yourself with people who will pray through, pray you through, not

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drama you down. Faith plus prayer plus community equals unstoppable breakthrough power. Ladies,

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we have prayer every single day in this community. Yep, Lolita's like, yes, because she's on.

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And I can tell you any of those ladies that are on the prayer consistently, okay, you might not

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make it every day, but if you can make it a handful of days, those are the ladies that are

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going to stay more encouraged and not lose faith and not get discouraged as much. Not that they

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don't, but when you show up for prayer, you will be surprised what actually happens. Okay.

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Um, next challenge this week, sabotage stop. What self-destructive patterns are you choosing?

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Drama, procrastination, conflict, or illnesses that show up when God calls you higher

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time to call it what it is and stop it. Barrier breakdown, unworthiness and shame.

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You are worthy of his best fear of abandonment. The right people will celebrate your growth

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feeling like a burden. Stop shrinking to make others feel comfortable.

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False humility. There's nothing holy about playing small. When God called you to greatness,

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declaration time, I show up for hard things because that's where my breakthrough lives.

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I refuse to self-sabotage. I'm stepping out of the waiting room and into my calling

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messy and perfect, but faithful. So, and then it goes on, drop your comment below to share

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your breakthrough with us. What hard thing is God calling you to show up for? If, if in a

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relationship, please share your status and timeline. Please also share what video and the

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love story accelerator course content you just watched and have questions you have. Ladies,

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I cannot stress enough to be looking for those posts from Bethany every Sunday,

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process through them and then share in that comment or just comment, reply what you've

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processed through what she has spent time, you know, pouring into you ladies. Okay.

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So that's your activation this week. Now that's not typically what I do, but I really cannot stress.

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Like I said, I cannot stress enough the importance of showing up in community.

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Okay. I'm going to go back through. I see a lot of people sharing in the chat. So I'm going to

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go through that before we open the floor for questions. Okay. Christine got you. You're on,

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you're driving Brittany. You're on camera now. Good to see you. And then I answered your

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phase three question. What if the idea of online dating stresses you out? Okay. I want you to put

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your hand up for a question. Cause we can go through a process through that. All right. And

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just know ladies, I honestly, I think a lot of women come into this phase where online dating

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is like, eh, right. I think everyone's kind of being like, yep, ladies, that was me. I was,

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I had been on the apps before I didn't enjoy the apps. Then I felt like I was not attracting

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quality. Okay. So when I was challenged with stepping out and getting on the apps, just so

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that I could practice dating. Now we're not saying it's a hard rule that you have to go on the apps,

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but it is a way for you to start stepping into the dating process and practice what we're teaching

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you here and practice coming from a heal, more healthier healed place when it comes to dating.

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And what I can attest in my experience, and I know many other women in the program have

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experienced the same thing is that after you have a healthier, um, healed heart,

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you're going to start attracting healthier healed men. Now it didn't always, it doesn't

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always happen that way because sometimes when we start attracting some of those unhealthy ones

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and there's a pattern there, it's an opportunity for God to grow us and reveal some areas of

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healing. What fears lies are we, um, aligning with and allowing us to kind of go through some

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of that heartwork. And so God will use the dating experiences to prepare you and grow you

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so that you have the capacity to receive that gift of a spirit mate.

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Okay.

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I'm not saying this is not a, if I do this, then this happens.

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Okay.

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This is not about the works part of it.

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Okay.

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Cause again, God has those blessings for us.

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We don't have to do anything to get them.

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Okay.

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So this isn't, oh, I'm not getting my spirit mate because I didn't do this.

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This is more of a, God is preparing me because he wants the best for me.

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And he wants me to be able to have the capacity for it.

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And so he will stretch us and grow us.

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Does that make sense?

283
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Cause I know sometimes we can't, there's a, there's a balance in that.

284
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And a lot of times people can kind of take it to the other, the other extremes.

285
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So we're not trying to go to the extremes here about with what I'm sharing.

286
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We're trying to find that balance.

287
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Okay.

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00:20:46.880 --> 00:20:49.360
So we can talk a little bit about that, Elaine.

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Yeah.

290
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Like Kim saying, you're not alone.

291
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Like Kim gets it.

292
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I get it.

293
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A lot of the women on this call get it.

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Okay.

295
00:20:57.680 --> 00:21:00.280
Um, all right.

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00:21:00.480 --> 00:21:04.200
You missed last week, but listen to the joy FM all the time, girl.

297
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I love the joy FM.

298
00:21:06.120 --> 00:21:07.840
That is my favorite radio station.

299
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It saddens me that I do not have the joy of them in the DFW area.

300
00:21:13.120 --> 00:21:17.800
We have a different couple of different ones, but don't think that I don't have

301
00:21:17.800 --> 00:21:20.680
that app downloaded and sometimes I pull it up and listen to it.

302
00:21:21.040 --> 00:21:22.600
I miss my morning cruise.

303
00:21:23.320 --> 00:21:24.800
I miss Dave, Bill and Carmen.

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They were great.

305
00:21:25.600 --> 00:21:26.280
Um, okay.

306
00:21:26.800 --> 00:21:30.600
So then Kathy, she had to mask miss last week as well.

307
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Um, the self sabotage part.

308
00:21:35.080 --> 00:21:36.000
Okay, good.

309
00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:38.280
I'm glad that that's speaking to you.

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00:21:38.760 --> 00:21:39.680
Um, awesome.

311
00:21:39.680 --> 00:21:40.080
Awesome.

312
00:21:40.080 --> 00:21:40.640
Awesome.

313
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Okay.

314
00:21:41.600 --> 00:21:43.520
Sounds good.

315
00:21:43.560 --> 00:21:44.080
All right.

316
00:21:44.280 --> 00:21:48.960
So I'm going to open the floor up here in just a moment to take your questions.

317
00:21:49.320 --> 00:21:54.920
Remember to keep things short, brief and powerful because we have 15 women on

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the call.

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I want to be able to take as many questions as I possibly can.

320
00:21:59.960 --> 00:22:00.480
Okay.

321
00:22:01.160 --> 00:22:05.560
Um, and then, yeah, and then I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to go ahead.

322
00:22:05.600 --> 00:22:09.960
I had a couple of things I wanted to chat about, but I'm going to wait and see if

323
00:22:09.960 --> 00:22:13.400
someone brings them up and we can talk to them if it's part of somebody else's

324
00:22:13.400 --> 00:22:13.920
question.

325
00:22:14.360 --> 00:22:14.880
Okay.

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So Elaine, you got your hand up.

327
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Everybody else, if you got questions for me, let's put them up.

328
00:22:20.800 --> 00:22:21.320
Okay.

329
00:22:21.320 --> 00:22:24.680
There's no like terrible question here.

330
00:22:25.040 --> 00:22:26.440
Don't be too shy.

331
00:22:26.520 --> 00:22:27.000
All right.

332
00:22:27.000 --> 00:22:33.680
This is a space of vulnerability and safety where you can ask anything, share

333
00:22:33.680 --> 00:22:35.280
your dating experience.

334
00:22:35.560 --> 00:22:37.200
What are you struggling with?

335
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:40.440
Um, what advice you need?

336
00:22:40.480 --> 00:22:41.320
I'm here for you.

337
00:22:41.480 --> 00:22:42.000
Okay.

338
00:22:42.280 --> 00:22:48.040
So Elaine, you're new to phase two and the online dating is a bit stressed.

339
00:22:48.040 --> 00:22:51.280
So tell me what about it is stressing you out?

340
00:22:52.240 --> 00:22:54.280
Um, excuse my voice.

341
00:22:54.280 --> 00:22:59.680
I'm having some more sabotage going on here because things have been going good.

342
00:23:01.160 --> 00:23:02.080
Always happens that way.

343
00:23:02.080 --> 00:23:02.440
Right.

344
00:23:03.200 --> 00:23:08.680
I really think I was excited years ago about online dating and I got into it.

345
00:23:08.720 --> 00:23:14.040
Um, I ended up in two long-term disastrous relationships.

346
00:23:14.080 --> 00:23:15.840
I know I need to put that behind me.

347
00:23:15.840 --> 00:23:19.840
I wasn't really seeking God and praying about it.

348
00:23:19.920 --> 00:23:25.040
But I think the part I don't trust sometimes, um, I'm very transparent

349
00:23:25.040 --> 00:23:28.760
sometimes too much transparent with people.

350
00:23:28.760 --> 00:23:29.560
I don't really know.

351
00:23:29.960 --> 00:23:38.360
Um, it needs to just have good boundaries and, um, I like even just making a

352
00:23:38.360 --> 00:23:43.320
profile, I I'm just sort of frozen with indecision and I think it's just, it's

353
00:23:43.320 --> 00:23:48.480
this trigger, it's like not knowing what I put out there that made the invited

354
00:23:49.240 --> 00:23:53.960
this, you know, very charismatic people that, um, I just fall for.

355
00:23:54.560 --> 00:24:01.400
And then I run by all the red flags and then afterwards I'm like, Oh my God.

356
00:24:01.400 --> 00:24:03.600
So don't want to repeat that.

357
00:24:04.040 --> 00:24:04.520
Okay.

358
00:24:06.360 --> 00:24:11.880
Um, I can completely relate to everything that you're sharing

359
00:24:12.680 --> 00:24:15.560
because I was, was the same way.

360
00:24:15.800 --> 00:24:17.320
The FedEx guy is here.

361
00:24:17.480 --> 00:24:20.520
I just have to run to the door, go ahead and do that.

362
00:24:21.560 --> 00:24:24.280
And then, um, I'm gonna take another person's question and then I'll come

363
00:24:24.280 --> 00:24:25.880
back and respond to what you shared.

364
00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:26.400
Okay.

365
00:24:27.280 --> 00:24:30.840
And ladies also, when y'all are sharing, I want you to know, like I'm always

366
00:24:30.840 --> 00:24:35.920
taking notes cause I'm processing what y'all are sharing, so I just want to,

367
00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:39.880
like, I'm a note taker because I want to get all the information and I'm usually

368
00:24:39.880 --> 00:24:43.120
processing when y'all are talking and kind of, you know, I'm always inviting

369
00:24:43.120 --> 00:24:45.720
Holy Spirit kind of download things to me as well.

370
00:24:46.160 --> 00:24:48.520
Um, so just keep that in mind.

371
00:24:48.560 --> 00:24:50.800
All right, Michelle, I see your hand up next.

372
00:24:52.280 --> 00:24:52.880
Hello.

373
00:24:53.400 --> 00:24:58.560
Um, yeah, so I have went out, I've mentioned this guy before we've went out

374
00:24:58.560 --> 00:25:00.000
five times and.

375
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.460
We're gonna go out a sixth time tomorrow.

376
00:25:04.120 --> 00:25:07.560
Things so far have been going really well.

377
00:25:09.560 --> 00:25:12.560
I guess I have struggled a lot in the past

378
00:25:12.560 --> 00:25:14.820
with like relationship anxiety,

379
00:25:14.820 --> 00:25:19.080
and we are not in like a level three type relationship yet.

380
00:25:19.080 --> 00:25:22.360
I could see if things keep going the next month this way,

381
00:25:22.360 --> 00:25:24.100
it could be going that way.

382
00:25:25.640 --> 00:25:27.520
And I've noticed in the past,

383
00:25:27.520 --> 00:25:30.960
my mind will oscillate a lot between like,

384
00:25:30.960 --> 00:25:32.840
maybe this is the one,

385
00:25:32.840 --> 00:25:34.280
and I'm like picturing getting married,

386
00:25:34.280 --> 00:25:36.840
or like, he's probably gonna end things with me tomorrow.

387
00:25:36.840 --> 00:25:40.220
Like in almost every kind of relationship I've been in,

388
00:25:40.220 --> 00:25:43.400
it's like, I can feel that the romantic fantasies

389
00:25:43.400 --> 00:25:45.460
are unhealthy, so then I'll pull myself back

390
00:25:45.460 --> 00:25:46.960
to the opposite of like,

391
00:25:47.800 --> 00:25:49.560
this probably isn't gonna work, blah, blah, blah.

392
00:25:49.560 --> 00:25:50.400
You know what I mean?

393
00:25:50.400 --> 00:25:53.440
And so I'm trying to like keep my mind in a healthy place

394
00:25:53.440 --> 00:25:55.680
in that like tension of not really knowing

395
00:25:55.680 --> 00:25:57.040
what's gonna happen.

396
00:25:57.120 --> 00:25:58.840
Okay, this is good.

397
00:25:58.840 --> 00:26:02.320
Okay, and this is the guy, remind me,

398
00:26:02.320 --> 00:26:05.920
I think sometimes I get people confused.

399
00:26:05.920 --> 00:26:10.920
Is this the guy that has children, was divorced?

400
00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:12.680
Okay, that's what I thought.

401
00:26:12.680 --> 00:26:13.960
Okay, good, good, good.

402
00:26:13.960 --> 00:26:15.240
Well, I'm glad to hear that things

403
00:26:15.240 --> 00:26:18.200
are still continuing to press and going well, that's good.

404
00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:23.520
So I just wanna remind you that again, you want,

405
00:26:23.520 --> 00:26:25.280
so and this goes for all you ladies,

406
00:26:25.480 --> 00:26:27.640
in the Dating 101 video, you'll hear Jackie

407
00:26:27.640 --> 00:26:31.200
even speaking to this about the levels of relationships.

408
00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:32.640
So she is in level two,

409
00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:34.400
which means that getting to know you,

410
00:26:34.400 --> 00:26:39.400
I would say she's even more on the latter end of level two.

411
00:26:39.400 --> 00:26:41.160
So early stages of level two

412
00:26:41.160 --> 00:26:42.880
are those really getting to know you.

413
00:26:42.880 --> 00:26:45.640
Those are the second and the third dates

414
00:26:45.640 --> 00:26:49.000
where you were just keeping things light, breezy,

415
00:26:49.000 --> 00:26:52.880
get to know you, surface level type conversations.

416
00:26:52.880 --> 00:26:55.960
However, now when you get into those dates now

417
00:26:55.960 --> 00:26:58.960
after several months and you've had,

418
00:26:58.960 --> 00:27:01.400
you're going into five, six dates,

419
00:27:01.400 --> 00:27:04.640
you're gonna start really taking inventory.

420
00:27:04.640 --> 00:27:07.840
Is this someone that I could potentially

421
00:27:07.840 --> 00:27:10.680
have a romantic exclusive relationship?

422
00:27:10.680 --> 00:27:13.280
Okay, and so now what you're experiencing, Michelle,

423
00:27:13.280 --> 00:27:16.760
is that you are, my guess is an anxious attacher.

424
00:27:18.560 --> 00:27:21.920
And so some of those anxieties are starting to surface.

425
00:27:22.920 --> 00:27:25.000
Some of your past relationships

426
00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:26.880
and some of the things that maybe have gone wrong

427
00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:30.040
in past relationships are starting to creep in

428
00:27:30.040 --> 00:27:32.320
and allow those fears to kind of take root.

429
00:27:33.240 --> 00:27:34.880
And now you're going back and forth.

430
00:27:34.880 --> 00:27:36.840
So now you're fantasizing all these things

431
00:27:36.840 --> 00:27:38.840
because you're excited,

432
00:27:38.840 --> 00:27:41.000
but then you realize, oh gosh, I can't fantasize.

433
00:27:41.000 --> 00:27:45.040
So now I have to like, talk myself out of it.

434
00:27:45.040 --> 00:27:47.520
Okay, so that's that anxiety, girl.

435
00:27:47.520 --> 00:27:50.040
I did that a lot, okay?

436
00:27:50.120 --> 00:27:54.200
So what we wanna do here is

437
00:27:54.200 --> 00:27:56.720
we gotta start doing some heart work here.

438
00:27:58.040 --> 00:28:03.040
So the biggest thing that I can express is again,

439
00:28:03.120 --> 00:28:08.120
making sure that you're rooted in prayer daily, all right?

440
00:28:09.160 --> 00:28:11.160
Spending time with your heavenly father.

441
00:28:12.320 --> 00:28:15.240
Start asking him when those feelings

442
00:28:15.240 --> 00:28:17.720
and those things start to surface,

443
00:28:18.720 --> 00:28:23.720
the fantasies, and then the fears start coming in.

444
00:28:23.880 --> 00:28:26.080
I want you to be asking yourself

445
00:28:27.320 --> 00:28:32.320
what core belief is tied to those fears, all right?

446
00:28:35.640 --> 00:28:39.200
So the best way I can explain this,

447
00:28:39.200 --> 00:28:41.920
and I do this a lot on one-on-one calls

448
00:28:41.920 --> 00:28:44.160
that I do with ladies is,

449
00:28:45.160 --> 00:28:47.120
do y'all know the movie, Inside Out?

450
00:28:48.240 --> 00:28:50.760
It's that Pixar movie, okay?

451
00:28:50.760 --> 00:28:53.480
And you know those little balls,

452
00:28:53.480 --> 00:28:56.960
like those core memories, okay?

453
00:28:56.960 --> 00:29:01.960
Like that's where I want, like what theme,

454
00:29:02.040 --> 00:29:06.280
what's the core memory or the core belief

455
00:29:06.280 --> 00:29:07.880
that you are aligning with?

456
00:29:07.880 --> 00:29:11.840
And so for example, a lot of times,

457
00:29:11.840 --> 00:29:13.800
and then I'm just gonna even kind of just give you

458
00:29:14.360 --> 00:29:16.040
my own example.

459
00:29:16.040 --> 00:29:21.040
A lot of my fears and lies that I believed

460
00:29:22.520 --> 00:29:27.520
were typically linked to my identity and my self-worth.

461
00:29:29.640 --> 00:29:31.960
And I had to start getting to,

462
00:29:31.960 --> 00:29:35.240
okay, what is the core belief that I'm linking?

463
00:29:35.240 --> 00:29:38.920
What anxious thoughts, what fears are starting to surface?

464
00:29:40.680 --> 00:29:42.760
And what is that rooted in?

465
00:29:42.800 --> 00:29:44.800
And spending time with Holy Spirit and be like,

466
00:29:44.800 --> 00:29:48.200
okay, Holy Spirit, I need you to reveal to me,

467
00:29:48.200 --> 00:29:52.760
when did this belief or thought first enter?

468
00:29:54.320 --> 00:29:56.360
Maybe it's in childhood.

469
00:29:56.360 --> 00:29:59.600
Maybe it's in relationships,

470
00:29:59.600 --> 00:30:01.400
some of your first relationships.

471
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.040
relationships and you've got to walk through the truth and asking the Lord

472
00:30:07.040 --> 00:30:12.120
okay this is the lie that I'm believing and Lord what is it that you say where

473
00:30:12.120 --> 00:30:18.280
were you at where were you at and all of this and what is it that you want me to

474
00:30:18.280 --> 00:30:23.320
learn what what's the lie now I got to replace it with your truth and so that

475
00:30:23.320 --> 00:30:28.200
at times will take some time to go ahead and process through and so that's why I

476
00:30:28.200 --> 00:30:35.320
say spend time daily in prayer as you walk through this I think Michelle it's

477
00:30:35.320 --> 00:30:40.920
it's something to celebrate is that you're recognizing that you're starting

478
00:30:40.920 --> 00:30:46.200
to fantasize and you're recognizing how you're maybe sabotaging it okay it's

479
00:30:46.200 --> 00:30:53.200
okay to be excited about a relationship but we have to figure out what is it

480
00:30:53.200 --> 00:30:58.720
that we're believing about that relationship and what do we need to

481
00:30:58.720 --> 00:31:02.640
break down does that help is there anything that is starting to surface

482
00:31:02.640 --> 00:31:08.840
that you like just in me sharing that that's coming up in your spirit yeah and

483
00:31:08.840 --> 00:31:13.920
actually just before this call it's like what you said confirmed but I felt like

484
00:31:13.920 --> 00:31:17.360
the Lord was speaking to me cuz I was like God why am I suddenly feeling this

485
00:31:17.360 --> 00:31:21.720
panic and I just I remembered I thought the Lord took me back to like when I was

486
00:31:21.720 --> 00:31:27.440
18 and I was sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend and I I feel I felt like

487
00:31:27.440 --> 00:31:31.360
the Lord was like you don't feel like these feelings are safe like if I like

488
00:31:31.360 --> 00:31:36.320
someone they will take advantage of that and I'll end up right back where I was

489
00:31:36.320 --> 00:31:39.560
before you know and so it's like weird because I like don't think about that

490
00:31:39.560 --> 00:31:44.440
every day I don't think that that affects my life you know but then it

491
00:31:44.440 --> 00:31:49.080
like so yeah this is when we're gonna take you're gonna take that experience

492
00:31:49.080 --> 00:31:52.200
and you're gonna go back through your heart workbook okay you're gonna go

493
00:31:52.200 --> 00:31:56.880
through that process and you're gonna go through all of that and God is just

494
00:31:56.880 --> 00:31:59.520
gonna start downloading to you and so that's one thing that I say like you

495
00:31:59.520 --> 00:32:06.520
have this belief that people aren't safe you can't trust someone's going to care

496
00:32:06.520 --> 00:32:12.640
for you and the enemy is going to sit here and he's going to try to confirm

497
00:32:12.640 --> 00:32:18.440
that lie he's gonna remind you of all the people that you couldn't trust in

498
00:32:18.440 --> 00:32:22.320
your life he's gonna remind you of every boyfriend that you couldn't trust

499
00:32:22.320 --> 00:32:28.160
he's gonna remind Pete you remind you of people even currently in your life that

500
00:32:28.160 --> 00:32:33.160
don't feel like you can trust and so what we got to do is gonna be like okay

501
00:32:33.160 --> 00:32:43.720
but God you can be trusted I can trust you so what does that look like Lord

502
00:32:43.760 --> 00:32:50.880
when have I been able to rely and trust in you when have you shown up in my life

503
00:32:50.880 --> 00:32:55.880
and then he might even start taking you through and this is what I had to do I

504
00:32:55.880 --> 00:33:00.600
had to start owning my part in some of those things not that what people did to

505
00:33:00.600 --> 00:33:06.960
me was my fault but then I was recognizing why I made the choices that I

506
00:33:06.960 --> 00:33:12.560
did because of what I what I was believing and once I could be like you

507
00:33:12.560 --> 00:33:17.480
know what that isn't true I don't believe that anymore this is what God

508
00:33:17.480 --> 00:33:22.040
says is true and that's what we step into and we remind ourselves when those

509
00:33:22.040 --> 00:33:26.000
fears because here's the thing ladies we can go through that heartwork process

510
00:33:26.000 --> 00:33:32.360
and we can break off the lie replace it with God's truth but you want to know

511
00:33:32.360 --> 00:33:38.320
what's gonna happen we're gonna want to replay the lie and when that surfaces we

512
00:33:38.320 --> 00:33:42.560
got to go back and we got to cover it with the truth and be reminded of the

513
00:33:42.560 --> 00:33:45.240
truth like you're gonna have to replay the truth you're gonna have to work that

514
00:33:45.240 --> 00:33:52.440
muscle does that help does that make sense for you ladies okay so yeah spend

515
00:33:52.440 --> 00:33:57.120
time this week Michelle and just process through that past relationship with when

516
00:33:57.120 --> 00:34:01.080
you were 18 where you were sexually assaulted walk through some of your

517
00:34:01.080 --> 00:34:03.880
heartwork if you hadn't already done it maybe there's a deeper level if you have

518
00:34:03.880 --> 00:34:08.880
okay I had to do that often with my dad's or my dad's my um my son's dad

519
00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:12.920
yeah I walked through the heartwork process I did the forgiveness stuff and

520
00:34:12.920 --> 00:34:16.360
then there'd be times that would creep back in and I had to go a little bit

521
00:34:16.360 --> 00:34:21.320
deeper I had to pull another layer and it does ladies the heartwork stuff that

522
00:34:21.320 --> 00:34:26.040
process will get you'll you'll start you'll start realizing that it comes

523
00:34:26.040 --> 00:34:32.920
more naturally the more that you do it it really really does okay but spend

524
00:34:32.920 --> 00:34:41.000
time with that and again share in the community let's let's get excited for

525
00:34:41.000 --> 00:34:45.560
you and then if there are things that we need to help you navigate in that

526
00:34:45.560 --> 00:34:51.080
relationship we're here to do that as well okay thank you so much for sharing

527
00:34:51.080 --> 00:34:56.920
Michelle I appreciate it all right Elaine is back all right Elaine so I'm

528
00:34:56.920 --> 00:35:00.760
gonna go back through my notes here so

529
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.800
you have two disastrous relationships.

530
00:35:03.800 --> 00:35:05.640
Have you, when you were in phase one,

531
00:35:05.640 --> 00:35:07.940
did you, did you go through the heartwork

532
00:35:07.940 --> 00:35:09.280
on those two relationships?

533
00:35:09.280 --> 00:35:12.200
Did God kind of take you through some forgiveness

534
00:35:12.200 --> 00:35:16.540
and healing and surrendering that over to the Lord?

535
00:35:17.560 --> 00:35:22.120
Yeah, I almost feel like sometimes I forgive too easy,

536
00:35:22.120 --> 00:35:23.680
if that sounds kind of weird.

537
00:35:23.680 --> 00:35:27.000
I'm like, I'm not, it's not hard for me to forgive,

538
00:35:27.520 --> 00:35:30.600
but I did, I went through that again.

539
00:35:30.600 --> 00:35:32.480
I went through the soul ties.

540
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:34.620
I mean, they weren't totally disastrous,

541
00:35:34.620 --> 00:35:37.640
but you know, they were pretty,

542
00:35:37.640 --> 00:35:39.360
a lot of trauma came out of those.

543
00:35:39.360 --> 00:35:40.200
There was hurt.

544
00:35:40.200 --> 00:35:41.800
Yeah, there was some hurt thing.

545
00:35:41.800 --> 00:35:42.880
Okay.

546
00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:43.720
So yeah.

547
00:35:44.800 --> 00:35:49.800
I just got divorced in January and that was the second one.

548
00:35:50.040 --> 00:35:51.360
Okay.

549
00:35:51.360 --> 00:35:52.560
So you're still freshly,

550
00:35:52.560 --> 00:35:55.800
like you're still healing as well.

551
00:35:55.800 --> 00:35:59.080
So, and that's, and that's the thing too,

552
00:35:59.080 --> 00:36:00.600
just because you're in this phase,

553
00:36:00.600 --> 00:36:01.440
you don't have to,

554
00:36:01.440 --> 00:36:03.140
you don't have to take off running with the dating.

555
00:36:03.140 --> 00:36:06.040
If you, if you feel like you need some more time to heal

556
00:36:06.040 --> 00:36:09.920
and you just want to absorb what we teach here,

557
00:36:09.920 --> 00:36:12.000
because phase two isn't, I mean, yes,

558
00:36:12.000 --> 00:36:13.480
it's like the discovery for it.

559
00:36:13.480 --> 00:36:16.160
Like we, we date for discovery phase.

560
00:36:16.160 --> 00:36:18.040
We learn a lot about dating,

561
00:36:19.040 --> 00:36:21.920
but what I will say is it's not just about dating.

562
00:36:21.920 --> 00:36:23.700
It's about relationship.

563
00:36:24.620 --> 00:36:27.900
Whether it's with someone that you're getting to know,

564
00:36:27.900 --> 00:36:30.340
or maybe it's relationship with your kids,

565
00:36:30.340 --> 00:36:32.260
relationship with people from your past,

566
00:36:32.260 --> 00:36:35.860
relationship with family members, friends, co-workers,

567
00:36:35.860 --> 00:36:38.380
people that you go to church with.

568
00:36:38.380 --> 00:36:41.060
Like it's about relationships.

569
00:36:41.060 --> 00:36:43.860
It's about discovering who you are,

570
00:36:43.860 --> 00:36:44.820
what your boundaries are,

571
00:36:44.820 --> 00:36:45.900
because you brought that up too,

572
00:36:45.900 --> 00:36:49.140
like being, you know, you, you get very transparent.

573
00:36:49.140 --> 00:36:50.460
You kind of deep dive.

574
00:36:50.460 --> 00:36:53.660
We talk a lot about that here in phase two.

575
00:36:54.500 --> 00:36:56.020
When we're showing up to get to know people,

576
00:36:56.020 --> 00:37:00.260
we coach a lot of times what kinds of conversations to have,

577
00:37:00.260 --> 00:37:02.100
which ones to kind of put on pause

578
00:37:02.100 --> 00:37:04.220
and wait until you've gotten to know somebody.

579
00:37:04.220 --> 00:37:07.380
And so again, it's just about practicing that.

580
00:37:07.380 --> 00:37:10.420
It's also about giving yourself grace

581
00:37:10.420 --> 00:37:13.300
to not hold yourself to that,

582
00:37:13.300 --> 00:37:17.980
that if, oh man, I just had a conversation with someone

583
00:37:17.980 --> 00:37:22.980
and I shared too much about my divorce or my ex,

584
00:37:23.260 --> 00:37:25.900
and I shouldn't have done that.

585
00:37:25.900 --> 00:37:27.420
You can give yourself grace.

586
00:37:27.420 --> 00:37:28.980
You're learning.

587
00:37:28.980 --> 00:37:30.740
You're developing a new muscle.

588
00:37:30.740 --> 00:37:33.100
You're strengthening a new muscle.

589
00:37:33.100 --> 00:37:37.900
And so it's simply, it's okay to make those mistakes.

590
00:37:37.900 --> 00:37:39.300
Come and share it with us

591
00:37:39.300 --> 00:37:41.980
and we can help you grow from that.

592
00:37:42.980 --> 00:37:47.260
So that's one thing.

593
00:37:47.260 --> 00:37:52.100
So it's, again, it's spend time absorbing what we teach

594
00:37:52.140 --> 00:37:54.100
and those teaching videos,

595
00:37:54.100 --> 00:37:55.380
I think you're gonna get a lot

596
00:37:55.380 --> 00:37:57.540
of really great helpful information,

597
00:37:57.540 --> 00:38:00.380
especially once you get to the fourth and fifth week

598
00:38:00.380 --> 00:38:03.260
where you are gonna listen to the boundaries video.

599
00:38:03.260 --> 00:38:05.780
That one is really, really good.

600
00:38:05.780 --> 00:38:09.580
And we talk a lot every week on these calls

601
00:38:09.580 --> 00:38:12.100
about when ladies get into dating situations

602
00:38:12.100 --> 00:38:14.500
about having healthy boundaries

603
00:38:14.500 --> 00:38:16.500
and how to communicate those boundaries.

604
00:38:18.020 --> 00:38:20.660
And then a lot of women will come.

605
00:38:20.660 --> 00:38:21.620
I was one of these.

606
00:38:22.140 --> 00:38:23.020
I'm like, oh my goodness, ladies,

607
00:38:23.020 --> 00:38:23.900
I just went on this date

608
00:38:23.900 --> 00:38:27.340
and I just dumped all this information out.

609
00:38:27.340 --> 00:38:29.100
And I got that, I forget what we call it.

610
00:38:29.100 --> 00:38:33.540
It's like that, it's that like hangover that you feel

611
00:38:33.540 --> 00:38:37.060
like you just exerted an emotional hangover

612
00:38:37.060 --> 00:38:38.420
where you're like, oh my goodness,

613
00:38:38.420 --> 00:38:39.700
I shared way too much.

614
00:38:39.700 --> 00:38:42.620
And now I'm like, you know, in my head

615
00:38:42.620 --> 00:38:44.500
and like, oh my goodness, like, you know.

616
00:38:44.500 --> 00:38:47.660
So we have a lot of women that do that here too.

617
00:38:47.660 --> 00:38:48.820
And we walk you through it.

618
00:38:48.820 --> 00:38:51.220
And we lovingly lift you up and support you

619
00:38:51.860 --> 00:38:55.220
because quite frankly, what y'all experienced,

620
00:38:55.220 --> 00:38:57.540
myself and Ebony have probably walked through,

621
00:38:57.540 --> 00:38:59.540
I've seen, you know, I've been doing this

622
00:38:59.540 --> 00:39:01.900
for over a year and a half now.

623
00:39:01.900 --> 00:39:06.100
Like it's nothing to like beat ourselves up about.

624
00:39:06.100 --> 00:39:09.740
It's all that process of preparing.

625
00:39:09.740 --> 00:39:12.020
And, you know, if you have to kind of baby step

626
00:39:12.020 --> 00:39:13.780
your way through it, we've got you.

627
00:39:16.140 --> 00:39:17.700
Does that help Elaine?

628
00:39:18.540 --> 00:39:20.860
Yeah, I think that's right.

629
00:39:20.860 --> 00:39:25.380
If I don't have to think about online dating, especially,

630
00:39:26.460 --> 00:39:27.820
I think I'd feel a lot better.

631
00:39:27.820 --> 00:39:29.940
I mean, I've definitely have been,

632
00:39:31.020 --> 00:39:33.420
I've been absorbing this and I've been able to use it

633
00:39:33.420 --> 00:39:36.740
in, you know, in my new friendships I'm having.

634
00:39:36.740 --> 00:39:38.940
I don't, I know hardly anyone down here.

635
00:39:38.940 --> 00:39:42.220
So I've met some really great Christian friends

636
00:39:42.220 --> 00:39:46.660
and a couple of Christian guys that I had no interest in.

637
00:39:46.940 --> 00:39:49.220
It was just sort of, you know,

638
00:39:49.220 --> 00:39:52.580
great to just kind of share spiritually,

639
00:39:53.460 --> 00:39:57.540
only come to find out they really wanted something more.

640
00:39:57.540 --> 00:40:00.140
And I, I was,

641
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.400
was not ready for that.

642
00:40:01.400 --> 00:40:06.060
So being able to kind of gracefully get through that

643
00:40:06.060 --> 00:40:09.760
and be very honest, just sharing where I was at

644
00:40:09.760 --> 00:40:13.780
and kind of watching their reaction to my boundary.

645
00:40:13.780 --> 00:40:16.560
Like I said, a little boundary very nicely

646
00:40:16.560 --> 00:40:19.440
and then seeing what they did with it.

647
00:40:19.440 --> 00:40:23.360
And one of them turned from this just love God,

648
00:40:23.360 --> 00:40:28.320
quoting scriptures every day to a total jerk.

649
00:40:28.320 --> 00:40:31.280
I was like, oh my gosh.

650
00:40:31.280 --> 00:40:32.120
So-

651
00:40:32.120 --> 00:40:34.240
Ladies, that's why I always, I'm telling you,

652
00:40:34.240 --> 00:40:35.800
boundaries are so good,

653
00:40:35.800 --> 00:40:38.300
especially in those early stages of dating

654
00:40:38.300 --> 00:40:40.600
when you honor what your boundaries are

655
00:40:40.600 --> 00:40:42.140
and you communicate it.

656
00:40:42.140 --> 00:40:45.320
And here's the thing, you can communicate it firmly

657
00:40:45.320 --> 00:40:47.680
and it still be kind.

658
00:40:47.680 --> 00:40:52.480
And you will see how people respond to that

659
00:40:52.480 --> 00:40:54.860
and it will show you a lot.

660
00:40:54.860 --> 00:40:56.120
If you put a boundary up

661
00:40:56.120 --> 00:40:59.620
and a guy does not respect and honor that boundary,

662
00:40:59.620 --> 00:41:03.540
he is not a masculine, mature man

663
00:41:03.540 --> 00:41:06.100
and he is not marriage material.

664
00:41:06.100 --> 00:41:06.940
Well, I won't-

665
00:41:06.940 --> 00:41:07.780
Not that he, and again,

666
00:41:07.780 --> 00:41:09.360
it doesn't mean that he can't get there,

667
00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:11.420
but it's also not our job to like coach them

668
00:41:11.420 --> 00:41:12.860
and teach them, well, you should.

669
00:41:12.860 --> 00:41:16.420
No, that's just a, I see this, Lord.

670
00:41:16.420 --> 00:41:18.460
Thank you for showing this to me.

671
00:41:18.460 --> 00:41:20.220
I'm gonna heed your warning

672
00:41:20.220 --> 00:41:23.500
and I'm going to bless and block and move on my way.

673
00:41:23.500 --> 00:41:25.220
That's exactly how I felt.

674
00:41:25.220 --> 00:41:27.720
I literally turned away from him and said,

675
00:41:27.720 --> 00:41:29.420
thank you, Jesus.

676
00:41:29.420 --> 00:41:34.420
I completely, I just, I hear what you're saying.

677
00:41:35.320 --> 00:41:38.640
I give myself credit for growing.

678
00:41:38.640 --> 00:41:40.480
And celebrate that.

679
00:41:40.480 --> 00:41:41.320
Yeah.

680
00:41:41.320 --> 00:41:44.680
Yes, ladies, it's really like celebrate your wins,

681
00:41:44.680 --> 00:41:45.920
celebrate your growth.

682
00:41:45.920 --> 00:41:49.360
That's why we have that wins tab in our app.

683
00:41:49.360 --> 00:41:51.520
Celebrate when you realize, you know what?

684
00:41:51.520 --> 00:41:54.300
I did something that I'm not used to doing

685
00:41:54.320 --> 00:41:55.680
and I'm proud of myself.

686
00:41:55.680 --> 00:41:57.480
Celebrate it.

687
00:41:57.480 --> 00:41:58.680
And the good, like one last thing

688
00:41:58.680 --> 00:41:59.840
I wanna share with you, Elaine,

689
00:41:59.840 --> 00:42:03.680
before I take Kathy is you shared

690
00:42:03.680 --> 00:42:05.380
about how you never saw red flags.

691
00:42:05.380 --> 00:42:06.560
Well, guess what?

692
00:42:06.560 --> 00:42:10.560
You have a community now and if you are showing up

693
00:42:10.560 --> 00:42:11.900
and you're posting and you're sharing

694
00:42:11.900 --> 00:42:14.120
with what your dating experiences are,

695
00:42:14.120 --> 00:42:17.700
you got wing women.

696
00:42:17.700 --> 00:42:20.560
We are here, like myself and Ebony have,

697
00:42:21.420 --> 00:42:24.300
we have put the light on some red flags

698
00:42:24.300 --> 00:42:26.440
for some of the women in this community.

699
00:42:26.440 --> 00:42:29.340
I mean, like one woman, we had to coach her

700
00:42:29.340 --> 00:42:31.700
to go get a restraining order on somebody.

701
00:42:31.700 --> 00:42:34.620
And she just kept wanting to kind of go back to him,

702
00:42:34.620 --> 00:42:35.940
which is fine.

703
00:42:35.940 --> 00:42:37.540
Like, again, there's no shame in that.

704
00:42:37.540 --> 00:42:39.020
We're here to support her.

705
00:42:39.020 --> 00:42:40.080
We're here to help her.

706
00:42:40.080 --> 00:42:42.540
And we're here to walk that through with her

707
00:42:42.540 --> 00:42:44.380
and lovingly support her.

708
00:42:44.380 --> 00:42:47.660
But also we're gonna lovingly tell you

709
00:42:47.700 --> 00:42:51.100
when we think that there's a dangerous situation

710
00:42:51.100 --> 00:42:52.760
and we're gonna be-

711
00:42:52.760 --> 00:42:54.500
I think I swung the other way.

712
00:42:54.500 --> 00:42:58.060
I think I now see red, red, red, red, red.

713
00:42:58.060 --> 00:42:59.840
Maybe some of them are yellow,

714
00:42:59.840 --> 00:43:02.100
but I maybe have to come back a little bit.

715
00:43:02.100 --> 00:43:02.940
And that's what I'm saying.

716
00:43:02.940 --> 00:43:05.240
So share that with us because if you think it's red

717
00:43:05.240 --> 00:43:07.640
and you share it with us, I might tell you,

718
00:43:07.640 --> 00:43:10.120
no, Elaine, that's more of a yellow.

719
00:43:10.120 --> 00:43:13.080
Okay, so let's step back a minute.

720
00:43:13.080 --> 00:43:16.980
We're not gonna just escalate this to red right away.

721
00:43:17.000 --> 00:43:20.600
And let's allow him to have some opportunity

722
00:43:20.600 --> 00:43:24.600
to show either a green flag or a red flag, okay?

723
00:43:24.600 --> 00:43:25.440
Thanks.

724
00:43:25.440 --> 00:43:27.160
That's what we're here for, okay?

725
00:43:27.160 --> 00:43:28.400
So utilize us.

726
00:43:30.840 --> 00:43:31.760
All right.

727
00:43:33.040 --> 00:43:37.240
All right, Kathy, I have your name next.

728
00:43:37.240 --> 00:43:38.080
How are you?

729
00:43:39.160 --> 00:43:40.940
Thank you, so happy to be back.

730
00:43:40.940 --> 00:43:44.200
I cannot tell you how much I missed last week

731
00:43:44.200 --> 00:43:46.280
and I didn't even, wasn't able to do the replay.

732
00:43:46.580 --> 00:43:48.740
I had to do a lot of self-care for about three days

733
00:43:48.740 --> 00:43:50.500
to recover from taking care of my friend,

734
00:43:50.500 --> 00:43:52.380
but thank you for being here.

735
00:43:52.380 --> 00:43:53.500
Thank you all.

736
00:43:53.500 --> 00:43:56.600
Juanita, I was impressed last night that you got that done.

737
00:43:56.600 --> 00:43:58.020
I'm ready to do my profile.

738
00:43:58.020 --> 00:43:58.840
I was so excited.

739
00:43:58.840 --> 00:44:01.260
Last week was supposed to be my profile week

740
00:44:01.260 --> 00:44:02.980
and I wasn't able to do it.

741
00:44:02.980 --> 00:44:04.560
So I was a little depressed about it,

742
00:44:04.560 --> 00:44:06.140
but there's one question I had

743
00:44:06.140 --> 00:44:10.060
that I haven't seen covered anywhere in any of the videos

744
00:44:10.060 --> 00:44:11.000
or any of the writing.

745
00:44:11.000 --> 00:44:12.380
And if I missed it, I missed it,

746
00:44:12.380 --> 00:44:15.060
but I've been single for over 20 years, y'all.

747
00:44:15.060 --> 00:44:16.880
I'm gonna use a jockey word

748
00:44:16.880 --> 00:44:20.020
and I'm ready to find my spirit mate.

749
00:44:20.020 --> 00:44:23.920
And I, last time I tried online dating, it went so bad.

750
00:44:23.920 --> 00:44:25.480
I had a second date with a gentleman.

751
00:44:25.480 --> 00:44:26.800
Yes, he overstepped the boundary.

752
00:44:26.800 --> 00:44:28.040
He said something really rude.

753
00:44:28.040 --> 00:44:30.360
And I found myself racing home and saying,

754
00:44:30.360 --> 00:44:33.280
I am so done helping you, God, I am done.

755
00:44:33.280 --> 00:44:36.320
And I got completely off and I never online dated again.

756
00:44:36.320 --> 00:44:39.440
And it's been five years and I needed that time.

757
00:44:39.440 --> 00:44:41.320
I had it in my dad, got really sick.

758
00:44:41.320 --> 00:44:43.400
So it's my time now.

759
00:44:43.420 --> 00:44:46.860
And now I know I'm God defended and it's okay to online date.

760
00:44:46.860 --> 00:44:48.340
So I'm ready to write my profile,

761
00:44:48.340 --> 00:44:53.340
but I have not seen the topic of politics covered whatsoever.

762
00:44:53.480 --> 00:44:57.060
And I had a relationship 10 years ago that was really,

763
00:44:57.060 --> 00:44:59.820
one, I thought I was gonna marry this man.

764
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.480
Christian man, but we had opposite politics.

765
00:45:02.480 --> 00:45:05.200
And I thought, oh, you know, spice of life,

766
00:45:05.200 --> 00:45:06.800
you can respect other people.

767
00:45:06.800 --> 00:45:09.320
But I found that that's not gonna be the case for me.

768
00:45:09.320 --> 00:45:11.520
I need someone that's aligned.

769
00:45:11.520 --> 00:45:15.120
So is there a way to put that in your profile without,

770
00:45:15.120 --> 00:45:16.900
I mean, I just like to cut people out

771
00:45:16.900 --> 00:45:19.400
if they're not semi-aligned.

772
00:45:19.400 --> 00:45:24.400
Okay, so Jackie does share in that Dating 101 video

773
00:45:26.100 --> 00:45:27.420
and it's towards the end.

774
00:45:27.420 --> 00:45:28.260
And actually it's funny,

775
00:45:28.260 --> 00:45:30.620
cause I just kind of watched it.

776
00:45:30.620 --> 00:45:34.260
Like I went back and just watched a clip of it.

777
00:45:34.260 --> 00:45:39.260
And she talks about things not to talk about on first date.

778
00:45:40.100 --> 00:45:41.860
So in that getting to know stage,

779
00:45:41.860 --> 00:45:44.420
you're not, ladies, you're not gonna wanna talk politics.

780
00:45:44.420 --> 00:45:47.340
You're not talking sex, you're not talking ex,

781
00:45:47.340 --> 00:45:50.500
you're also not talking politics, okay?

782
00:45:50.500 --> 00:45:53.660
The reason we coach this is because again,

783
00:45:53.700 --> 00:45:57.400
you are in the early stages of just getting to know them.

784
00:45:59.260 --> 00:46:00.860
I'm talking about profile.

785
00:46:00.860 --> 00:46:03.420
I'd like to cut it out before I even met them.

786
00:46:03.420 --> 00:46:05.420
So you can just say, you know,

787
00:46:05.420 --> 00:46:08.860
these are things that I align with, okay?

788
00:46:08.860 --> 00:46:11.900
So when you're describing yourself,

789
00:46:11.900 --> 00:46:16.900
so let's say you're just saying, you know,

790
00:46:17.780 --> 00:46:22.500
I'm trying to think, things that I enjoy, like, okay,

791
00:46:24.340 --> 00:46:25.860
it's been a while since I've had to write

792
00:46:25.860 --> 00:46:27.660
my own dating profile, so it's hard.

793
00:46:27.660 --> 00:46:29.980
And you're gonna do, you're just gonna sprinkle it in,

794
00:46:29.980 --> 00:46:34.980
like, you know, I enjoy volunteering at my church.

795
00:46:35.860 --> 00:46:39.840
I typically align to moderate views,

796
00:46:41.100 --> 00:46:43.380
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, okay?

797
00:46:43.380 --> 00:46:44.660
You're just gonna sprinkle it in.

798
00:46:44.660 --> 00:46:46.420
You do not wanna put a lot of emphasis.

799
00:46:46.420 --> 00:46:49.140
And at that point, then men can see

800
00:46:49.140 --> 00:46:51.180
that you've spent some time saying, you know,

801
00:46:51.180 --> 00:46:54.860
I am more, I'm just using moderate

802
00:46:54.860 --> 00:46:57.940
so that I don't offend anybody, all right?

803
00:46:57.940 --> 00:47:00.940
Because again, I don't wanna, we don't wanna offend anybody.

804
00:47:00.940 --> 00:47:01.780
Okay?

805
00:47:01.780 --> 00:47:06.180
But I, but I, but Kathy, hear this.

806
00:47:06.180 --> 00:47:07.940
I agree with you.

807
00:47:07.940 --> 00:47:12.940
I agree that that is important, okay?

808
00:47:13.300 --> 00:47:18.060
Being able to align on certain political social views

809
00:47:18.060 --> 00:47:20.780
are certain, are important, okay?

810
00:47:21.380 --> 00:47:23.180
And the reason I say that is because

811
00:47:23.180 --> 00:47:26.260
I have my best friend now.

812
00:47:26.260 --> 00:47:31.260
She is, she is one way,

813
00:47:33.340 --> 00:47:37.420
and her boyfriend is complete opposite.

814
00:47:37.420 --> 00:47:40.860
Now, she's not been in the program,

815
00:47:40.860 --> 00:47:45.420
so she's not married, they own a house,

816
00:47:45.420 --> 00:47:46.460
they have a kid together.

817
00:47:46.460 --> 00:47:48.060
Again, no judgment, y'all,

818
00:47:48.180 --> 00:47:51.940
because again, I was, had a child out of wedlock, okay?

819
00:47:51.940 --> 00:47:54.780
So there's no judgment here.

820
00:47:54.780 --> 00:47:57.820
But, you know, now they have a home together,

821
00:47:57.820 --> 00:47:59.300
they have a kid together.

822
00:47:59.300 --> 00:48:03.540
He helps her with her kids from her previous marriage,

823
00:48:03.540 --> 00:48:08.540
and y'all, they butt heads when it comes to political views.

824
00:48:08.580 --> 00:48:12.420
And especially now in our time, like that is a challenge.

825
00:48:12.420 --> 00:48:15.140
And so I do hear what you're saying, Kathy,

826
00:48:15.140 --> 00:48:17.260
and I do think it's important

827
00:48:17.300 --> 00:48:22.300
because you don't want to get

828
00:48:22.340 --> 00:48:24.140
into an exclusive relationship with someone

829
00:48:24.140 --> 00:48:26.300
that you do not have,

830
00:48:26.300 --> 00:48:30.380
at least on a lot of the core political issues

831
00:48:30.380 --> 00:48:33.140
that y'all align and can agree on, okay?

832
00:48:33.140 --> 00:48:34.820
That's important.

833
00:48:34.820 --> 00:48:37.740
We're just not going to dive into that

834
00:48:37.740 --> 00:48:40.900
in that first early stage of level two.

835
00:48:40.900 --> 00:48:45.660
And I do wanna kind of speak a little bit to this,

836
00:48:45.660 --> 00:48:48.540
and I see this often, I did this myself,

837
00:48:48.540 --> 00:48:50.580
I see it all the time in this phase.

838
00:48:51.780 --> 00:48:54.300
We get to know someone before,

839
00:48:54.300 --> 00:48:57.060
sometimes even before we get on a first date with them,

840
00:48:57.060 --> 00:48:59.700
we're wanting to say, oh, we don't align here,

841
00:48:59.700 --> 00:49:00.860
I'm gonna cut and run.

842
00:49:01.820 --> 00:49:06.380
We're not even giving the man an opportunity to show up,

843
00:49:06.380 --> 00:49:08.460
and we're not even giving them an opportunity

844
00:49:08.460 --> 00:49:10.060
to go on two or three dates with them,

845
00:49:10.060 --> 00:49:11.700
and just getting to know them.

846
00:49:12.620 --> 00:49:15.140
And so I really want to encourage you ladies

847
00:49:15.620 --> 00:49:17.260
that if you are very quick to,

848
00:49:17.260 --> 00:49:18.980
nope, I don't wanna waste my time.

849
00:49:18.980 --> 00:49:20.860
I don't, nope, we don't align here,

850
00:49:20.860 --> 00:49:22.660
so I'm gonna let it go.

851
00:49:22.660 --> 00:49:26.620
We also wanna see what other things about a person

852
00:49:26.620 --> 00:49:30.820
do we admire, or what qualities and characteristics

853
00:49:30.820 --> 00:49:34.740
do we enjoy about somebody, okay?

854
00:49:36.260 --> 00:49:40.540
Because sometimes what can happen is this idea

855
00:49:40.540 --> 00:49:43.260
of I don't wanna waste my time,

856
00:49:44.260 --> 00:49:49.260
what I have tend to find is that it is a defense mechanism

857
00:49:52.140 --> 00:49:54.540
of protecting ourselves from getting hurt.

858
00:49:56.700 --> 00:49:59.460
So if we are constantly replaying this,

859
00:49:59.460 --> 00:50:00.860
I don't wanna waste my time.

860
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.680
my time. I don't want to waste my time. This guy, you know, did this and I just, I'm not,

861
00:50:05.680 --> 00:50:09.520
I'm not attracted to that. And I, I'm just going to cut them, like cut them loose before I even go

862
00:50:09.520 --> 00:50:13.280
on a first date with them or even give them an opportunity for a second or third date.

863
00:50:14.320 --> 00:50:20.240
We have to recognize if that's kind of our go-to, I'm going to encourage you ladies

864
00:50:20.880 --> 00:50:25.280
to spend time with that and process that a little bit more is are you

865
00:50:25.280 --> 00:50:33.280
truly giving it a shot to learn and grow and use the dating experience as an opportunity

866
00:50:33.840 --> 00:50:40.960
to prepare? Or are you go and are you going to that as a, I just don't want to get hurt.

867
00:50:40.960 --> 00:50:45.280
I don't want to find myself in the same situation I was in before. So I'm going to cut and run

868
00:50:45.280 --> 00:50:54.000
because I don't want to waste my time. Cause ladies, I will tell you, God isn't wasting

869
00:50:55.280 --> 00:51:02.240
this time because he's going to use guys and dates that you go on that are not your spirit

870
00:51:02.240 --> 00:51:08.800
mate to grow and prepare you for the capacity or when your spirit mate does come.

871
00:51:12.240 --> 00:51:20.640
Does that make sense? We have to reframe our mind to God's not wasting my time.

872
00:51:20.720 --> 00:51:27.920
Because guess what, ladies, God's time is perfect. If I would have met my husband

873
00:51:28.960 --> 00:51:37.440
a year before, or even a few months before he dropped into my DMs, I wouldn't have been ready.

874
00:51:38.480 --> 00:51:44.240
My heart was, I hadn't prepared my heart because one of the big things that I needed to prepare

875
00:51:44.240 --> 00:51:48.400
and shift was this idea that I was never going to move out of Florida.

876
00:51:50.240 --> 00:51:55.520
I was headstrong about that. Y'all I love Florida. I was just talking to Elaine. She's,

877
00:51:55.520 --> 00:52:01.360
she lives where I like the same area that I was from. I lived there for 15 years. It's paradise.

878
00:52:01.360 --> 00:52:07.680
It's gorgeous. It's wonderful. I loved living there. I actually moved away from there. Like

879
00:52:07.680 --> 00:52:12.320
the first three years I had been there, I moved away and went back home to Indiana.

880
00:52:12.320 --> 00:52:17.760
And I was like, no, I need to get back. And so I enjoyed where I lived, but I,

881
00:52:18.400 --> 00:52:23.680
I, my heart was not prepared to release and surrender that pen.

882
00:52:24.560 --> 00:52:31.920
And so had I met my husband prior to that, I would have cut and run. I would have asked him.

883
00:52:31.920 --> 00:52:34.960
I would have been like, nope, here's something wrong with him. Here's something wrong. Cause

884
00:52:34.960 --> 00:52:40.720
ladies for the first three weeks of me getting to know him, I was trying to figure out all the

885
00:52:40.720 --> 00:52:47.280
excuses to not be interested in him. I mean, I actually remember Jackie being like, Carla,

886
00:52:48.000 --> 00:52:56.480
get off the ledge, meet him, go on a date with him. Stop overthinking everything and just go

887
00:52:56.480 --> 00:53:04.960
enjoy yourself on a date. And I was like, okay, fine. I wanted to cut and run. I almost even

888
00:53:04.960 --> 00:53:11.360
canceled our first date because he wanted to have dinner like super late at night. And I was like

889
00:53:12.720 --> 00:53:19.520
an old lady and was like in bed by nine o'clock. And he wanted to, I think he says the date was at

890
00:53:19.520 --> 00:53:22.720
eight o'clock at night. I was like, no, I think it was at nine o'clock at night.

891
00:53:24.160 --> 00:53:28.720
Maybe it was eight 30. We can meet in the middle, but I almost canceled the date.

892
00:53:29.280 --> 00:53:37.840
So I I'm saying all of this is God's timing is good. It's perfect.

893
00:53:39.040 --> 00:53:43.680
So we got to break up with this idea of I'm wasting my time.

894
00:53:46.240 --> 00:53:47.760
How's everybody feel about that?

895
00:53:48.480 --> 00:53:52.960
Michelle, pick you up at eight. Like who's eating dinner at eight o'clock y'all?

896
00:53:55.120 --> 00:53:59.680
So late, you know, I had, I mean, I was a single mom and I would have like dinner ready by like

897
00:53:59.680 --> 00:54:07.200
five or six because I had to get my kid homework, you know, schoolwork, showered, bathed, put in bed.

898
00:54:08.240 --> 00:54:14.800
So my dinner time was early. Yes, it would be my second dinner too. So I was like, okay,

899
00:54:15.280 --> 00:54:21.120
yes, it would be my second dinner too. So thank you for that laugh. Kathy, does that, does that

900
00:54:21.120 --> 00:54:26.000
help a little bit kind of navigate like sprinkle it in, but I really want you to spend time. Like

901
00:54:26.000 --> 00:54:34.880
don't, don't zero focus on that. I didn't hear you. What'd you say? I said, sprinkle don't baptize

902
00:54:34.880 --> 00:54:40.560
in this case. Yes. I love that. Yeah. Don't, don't baptize somebody in that water. Okay. We're not

903
00:54:40.560 --> 00:54:45.280
dunking them under, but definitely you can sprinkle it in. And one thing I also wanted to

904
00:54:45.280 --> 00:54:49.920
share with you and then Elaine, I think this will help you when y'all are putting together your

905
00:54:49.920 --> 00:54:55.840
dating profiles. We're here to help you with that too. I forget who just recently did that. I think

906
00:54:55.840 --> 00:55:00.000
Allison, she shared a profile. Juanita, she shared her profile.

907
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.920
and I gave her some feedback on like how to word things,

908
00:55:04.920 --> 00:55:07.240
what to put in, what to take out.

909
00:55:07.240 --> 00:55:11.840
And so just draft something and I'll help you.

910
00:55:11.840 --> 00:55:14.120
Ebony will help you, okay?

911
00:55:14.120 --> 00:55:17.560
I always say, share a little bit

912
00:55:17.560 --> 00:55:19.640
about what you're interested in.

913
00:55:19.640 --> 00:55:22.400
Share a little bit about you, who you are.

914
00:55:22.400 --> 00:55:25.200
You know, how would your best friend describe you?

915
00:55:25.200 --> 00:55:28.560
You know, what are things that are important to you?

916
00:55:28.560 --> 00:55:30.400
And then one thing a lot of people leave out

917
00:55:30.400 --> 00:55:33.920
is that they forget to communicate what they're looking for.

918
00:55:33.920 --> 00:55:36.600
And I'm not talking about like,

919
00:55:36.600 --> 00:55:41.600
I'm looking for, you know, till death do us part.

920
00:55:41.920 --> 00:55:44.340
And you know, things like of that nature.

921
00:55:44.340 --> 00:55:49.080
Like I'm looking for a man that has a servant's heart.

922
00:55:49.080 --> 00:55:53.180
I find men attractive who open doors for women.

923
00:55:54.180 --> 00:55:57.340
I am looking for a man who is,

924
00:55:59.420 --> 00:56:04.420
you know, accountable to influential people in his life.

925
00:56:04.640 --> 00:56:08.620
You know, someone who is, you know, always learning to,

926
00:56:08.620 --> 00:56:11.380
who wants to constantly learn and grow.

927
00:56:11.380 --> 00:56:13.860
Like things of those quality and characteristics.

928
00:56:13.860 --> 00:56:17.100
Like you share what's important to you,

929
00:56:17.100 --> 00:56:22.100
what quality and characteristics you find attractive, okay?

930
00:56:22.100 --> 00:56:23.140
Does that make sense?

931
00:56:24.220 --> 00:56:25.300
Yes, Juanita, I did.

932
00:56:25.300 --> 00:56:26.420
I briefly saw.

933
00:56:26.420 --> 00:56:29.940
And so I will look that over today or tomorrow

934
00:56:29.940 --> 00:56:31.260
and get back with you.

935
00:56:31.260 --> 00:56:32.620
And then I did see you said something

936
00:56:32.620 --> 00:56:35.540
about grammatical errors, girl.

937
00:56:35.540 --> 00:56:37.500
Ladies, don't worry about the grammatical errors.

938
00:56:37.500 --> 00:56:39.660
I have grammatical errors all the time on the app

939
00:56:39.660 --> 00:56:42.980
because it's hard to sometimes go back and correct.

940
00:56:42.980 --> 00:56:46.660
And then like, I go and post so that it doesn't crash on me

941
00:56:46.660 --> 00:56:48.700
and I like get it all in and share it.

942
00:56:48.700 --> 00:56:51.580
Sometimes I will even type it in a Word document

943
00:56:51.580 --> 00:56:54.660
or in the notes so that I can copy and paste it

944
00:56:55.860 --> 00:56:58.220
into the app so that I don't lose.

945
00:56:58.220 --> 00:56:59.180
Cause sometimes that's happened

946
00:56:59.180 --> 00:57:01.620
where I will literally have written several paragraphs

947
00:57:01.620 --> 00:57:03.780
and responding to somebody.

948
00:57:03.780 --> 00:57:05.900
And then the app just shuts down.

949
00:57:05.900 --> 00:57:10.900
And like all that thought that I put in there responding.

950
00:57:10.940 --> 00:57:12.300
And then I just get heartbroken.

951
00:57:12.300 --> 00:57:14.660
Cause I'm like, oh, that was so good.

952
00:57:14.660 --> 00:57:16.740
Like I really felt Holy Spirit on that.

953
00:57:16.740 --> 00:57:18.420
And now it's just gone.

954
00:57:18.420 --> 00:57:23.420
So don't stress about the grammatical errors.

955
00:57:23.900 --> 00:57:27.100
I used to be an elementary school teacher

956
00:57:28.140 --> 00:57:30.500
and I have a son who's dyslexic.

957
00:57:30.500 --> 00:57:34.380
And so like I can read through a lot

958
00:57:34.380 --> 00:57:36.820
of the grammatical errors.

959
00:57:36.820 --> 00:57:38.220
It's like a teacher gift.

960
00:57:38.220 --> 00:57:39.460
And like I said, my youngest,

961
00:57:39.460 --> 00:57:42.460
like my husband will look at things that he will write.

962
00:57:42.460 --> 00:57:45.180
And he's like, that's not a word, but I'm like

963
00:57:45.180 --> 00:57:46.820
but I know this is what he meant.

964
00:57:46.940 --> 00:57:51.220
So don't apologize for the grammatical errors.

965
00:57:51.220 --> 00:57:53.620
But yes, Juanita, I will go back and look at that.

966
00:57:53.620 --> 00:57:56.060
All right, I got Brittany and then Missy.

967
00:57:56.060 --> 00:57:57.420
And so we're gonna try to keep things short,

968
00:57:57.420 --> 00:57:58.260
brief and powerful.

969
00:57:58.260 --> 00:57:59.220
Cause we got 15 minutes.

970
00:57:59.220 --> 00:58:01.420
I will try to stretch it to 20 minutes

971
00:58:01.420 --> 00:58:03.180
but we still got four people with hands raised

972
00:58:03.180 --> 00:58:05.100
and I wanna try to get to those.

973
00:58:05.100 --> 00:58:08.300
So let's set a goal for five minutes each.

974
00:58:08.300 --> 00:58:09.980
That will stretch us to 20 minutes.

975
00:58:09.980 --> 00:58:10.820
Cool.

976
00:58:12.060 --> 00:58:13.660
All right, Brittany, you're up.

977
00:58:13.740 --> 00:58:17.100
So I've been, I have four of my seven dates

978
00:58:17.100 --> 00:58:20.620
and yeah, so, and one of the guys

979
00:58:20.620 --> 00:58:22.860
we're gonna do a second video date

980
00:58:22.860 --> 00:58:25.460
and I'm thinking it's probably not gonna go further

981
00:58:25.460 --> 00:58:27.900
cause I just don't think we have the same things

982
00:58:27.900 --> 00:58:30.140
that we want in life.

983
00:58:30.140 --> 00:58:33.580
And then the other guy like,

984
00:58:33.580 --> 00:58:35.340
and so, well, actually I'll start with this one.

985
00:58:35.340 --> 00:58:40.300
So like, I can tell like he wants to build a family.

986
00:58:40.300 --> 00:58:43.620
I feel like God's put on my heart to like build a ministry

987
00:58:44.460 --> 00:58:45.500
and have a lot of spiritual children.

988
00:58:45.500 --> 00:58:48.180
And like, there's a part of me that questions like,

989
00:58:48.180 --> 00:58:50.180
is there something in me?

990
00:58:50.180 --> 00:58:52.820
Why I don't like desire to be a mother,

991
00:58:52.820 --> 00:58:54.380
like a biological mother.

992
00:58:54.380 --> 00:58:55.740
And it's just kind of like,

993
00:58:55.740 --> 00:58:57.980
I feel like that's a question that just like comes up

994
00:58:57.980 --> 00:58:59.060
and it's just like, oh, does that mean

995
00:58:59.060 --> 00:59:01.580
there's something wrong with me then?

996
00:59:01.580 --> 00:59:03.100
Yeah.

997
00:59:03.100 --> 00:59:05.180
Okay, well, so let's break up with this idea

998
00:59:05.180 --> 00:59:07.260
that there's something wrong with you.

999
00:59:07.260 --> 00:59:08.860
Where does that come from?

1000
00:59:08.860 --> 00:59:09.820
What's that root?

1001
00:59:09.820 --> 00:59:14.820
That, I want you to spend time investigating that.

1002
00:59:19.220 --> 00:59:21.780
And yeah, I don't, I mean,

1003
00:59:23.260 --> 00:59:26.900
some people are called to different ways of mothering.

1004
00:59:26.900 --> 00:59:29.540
So maybe it is that you're going to have,

1005
00:59:29.540 --> 00:59:31.500
you're gonna be a spiritual mother

1006
00:59:31.500 --> 00:59:33.980
and maybe not a biological mother.

1007
00:59:33.980 --> 00:59:37.060
Maybe, biological, being a biological mother

1008
00:59:37.100 --> 00:59:41.780
is actually in your DNA, okay?

1009
00:59:41.780 --> 00:59:43.300
These are things where, again,

1010
00:59:43.300 --> 00:59:46.100
it's about spending time processing with the Lord,

1011
00:59:47.940 --> 00:59:50.780
digging a little deeper, asking about roots,

1012
00:59:51.540 --> 00:59:56.020
asking for, one thing that I used to do is I would,

1013
00:59:56.020 --> 00:59:57.940
I would ask the Lord to give me dreams,

1014
00:59:57.940 --> 01:00:00.260
whether it was day, if I was daydreaming or.

1015
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.680
night sleeping about things and and again just confirmations you know asking him to confirm

1016
01:00:08.240 --> 01:00:13.600
things that I thought I was hearing him say and I wasn't going out and like searching and like

1017
01:00:13.600 --> 01:00:18.960
making everything a confirmation but it would literally be more of a you know I put it out

1018
01:00:18.960 --> 01:00:24.560
there and then I'd be just going about my day and something would happen and it was like completely

1019
01:00:24.560 --> 01:00:31.840
out of my control and it would remind me of this is this is me confirming this for you Carla

1020
01:00:32.720 --> 01:00:38.320
and I would sometimes be like okay I think I see that and then I'd be like okay I'm gonna I'm gonna

1021
01:00:39.040 --> 01:00:42.640
my rule was always like get things and get things confirmed in threes

1022
01:00:43.600 --> 01:00:47.760
like I needed I needed it three times I needed God to confirm things with me three times

1023
01:00:47.920 --> 01:00:58.400
um so I would just again I would spend time you know I think we talk a lot about destiny DNA in

1024
01:00:58.400 --> 01:01:03.920
our program and so you'll get some of that in phase three there's you know replays and

1025
01:01:03.920 --> 01:01:08.320
teachings on that that you'll be able to replay when you get to phase three about destiny DNA

1026
01:01:08.320 --> 01:01:14.880
and if ministry is part of your destiny DNA he's got the perfect spirit mate for you

1027
01:01:15.680 --> 01:01:23.600
okay um but I really want you to spend time with this belief that there's something wrong

1028
01:01:23.600 --> 01:01:32.160
with you just because you don't feel a tug to have children of your own right now okay y'all I

1029
01:01:32.160 --> 01:01:40.480
I'm a mom okay I had my son in my early 30s and in my 20s I never wanted to have children

1030
01:01:41.360 --> 01:01:51.120
that was not something that I felt like I wanted to be a mom I was a teacher I we know I was mother

1031
01:01:51.120 --> 01:01:57.360
to teach like to lots of kids like I was teacher to a lot of kids but I never felt this desire to

1032
01:01:57.360 --> 01:02:06.960
be a mother and then I did I got pregnant and God really showed me what a what a gift like he

1033
01:02:07.200 --> 01:02:16.240
like he actually did call me to motherhood then I had no anticipation to have bonus children

1034
01:02:17.120 --> 01:02:22.080
I never thought I'd be a stepmom I thought I was gonna birth another baby and my husband had

1035
01:02:22.080 --> 01:02:26.160
a vasectomy and he was like I don't want more kids and I had to go to the Lord with that one

1036
01:02:26.160 --> 01:02:30.960
that was what I thought it was a non-negotiable that God was like Carla I told you you were gonna

1037
01:02:30.960 --> 01:02:34.960
have more children but I didn't say you were gonna birth them because in my head I knew he told me I

1038
01:02:34.960 --> 01:02:41.920
was gonna have more kids so I just assumed I was gonna have another baby myself biologically and

1039
01:02:41.920 --> 01:02:49.280
God was like no that's what you thought I said but this is actually what I have for you and so

1040
01:02:50.240 --> 01:02:57.360
now I am mother to three kids and you know I don't look at it like I know a lot of people

1041
01:02:58.320 --> 01:03:05.360
use the term bonus mom I don't typically use that because I am my children's mother because

1042
01:03:05.360 --> 01:03:12.320
their earth their biological mother is no longer on earth and so I am the only earthly mother that

1043
01:03:12.320 --> 01:03:22.000
they have and so I just want you like I share this to help you keep that open mind of you may

1044
01:03:22.000 --> 01:03:30.880
not have a pool for that but God has ways of opening doors and stepping you into what it is

1045
01:03:30.880 --> 01:03:40.560
that he's called to so but with this guy my guess is that is he communicated to you that he wants to

1046
01:03:40.560 --> 01:03:46.560
have children of his own yeah he's communicated that like he's just going through like healthy

1047
01:03:46.560 --> 01:03:50.880
habits of a home and like just like preparing like how to have his own home or how to have his

1048
01:03:50.880 --> 01:03:54.320
own family and like and me and like I'm feeling like this little like oh I just don't feel like

1049
01:03:54.320 --> 01:03:59.840
that's like I'm like I just feel like God's like put on my heart like ministry and traveling and

1050
01:03:59.840 --> 01:04:06.080
like have you shared that with him I haven't yet but I will on this call so I was just kind of

1051
01:04:06.080 --> 01:04:11.520
I'm like I was processing that through I'm like kind of you know is you know is that part of it

1052
01:04:11.520 --> 01:04:16.800
like can they go together and I just I just don't feel like like our energies are going in the same

1053
01:04:16.800 --> 01:04:22.880
you know yeah way so this is a second video call with him yeah so it'll be tomorrow okay yeah and

1054
01:04:22.880 --> 01:04:27.200
again that's it's still early on to have those kind of like deep dive conversations but I mean

1055
01:04:27.200 --> 01:04:31.600
you can be kind of surface level with it just say hey so I know we're still trying to get to know

1056
01:04:31.600 --> 01:04:36.560
each other a little more and you mentioned um your desire to it sounds like you have a desire

1057
01:04:36.560 --> 01:04:45.040
to have kids one day um you know and I I want to be honest with you um this is what I feel

1058
01:04:45.040 --> 01:04:51.520
very called and what I where I see myself in the future so again ladies this can be those questions

1059
01:04:51.520 --> 01:04:55.920
that you ask to get to know somebody is where do you see yourself in a year where do you see

1060
01:04:55.920 --> 01:04:59.920
yourself in three years where do you see yourself in five years and and people might share this

1061
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.200
information with you about wanting kids and wanting a family and wanting to get married.

1062
01:05:05.200 --> 01:05:09.840
We're not saying don't have those conversations, but again, we want to keep them very surface

1063
01:05:09.840 --> 01:05:10.840
level.

1064
01:05:10.840 --> 01:05:14.260
And so you can share, you know, you share this with me.

1065
01:05:14.260 --> 01:05:18.320
I want to be very open and transparent with you.

1066
01:05:18.320 --> 01:05:22.000
I really feel called in the next three to five years.

1067
01:05:22.000 --> 01:05:26.280
I really believe that I'm called to ministry and to travel.

1068
01:05:26.280 --> 01:05:33.560
And so I'm not sure in the next three, five years, that's something that where I'm going

1069
01:05:33.560 --> 01:05:35.000
to have my focus at.

1070
01:05:35.000 --> 01:05:40.480
So I want to communicate that to you now, because if that's a non-negotiable for you,

1071
01:05:40.480 --> 01:05:43.360
I just want to be honest with you.

1072
01:05:43.360 --> 01:05:47.600
And then you, the two of you can talk and decide whether or not you pursue things romantically

1073
01:05:47.600 --> 01:05:48.600
or not.

1074
01:05:48.600 --> 01:05:53.880
And so typically after, I always say ladies, three dates in is where you're going to kind

1075
01:05:53.880 --> 01:05:59.200
of typically decide, do I want to continue to get to know this person because I can see

1076
01:05:59.200 --> 01:06:04.000
the potential of a romantic relationship forming after those three or four?

1077
01:06:04.000 --> 01:06:07.600
Like I would say, even like maybe by a third or fourth date, if you kind of just don't

1078
01:06:07.600 --> 01:06:12.840
feel this romantic interest, that's okay to say, Hey, I really appreciate you spending

1079
01:06:12.840 --> 01:06:15.880
time to get to know me.

1080
01:06:15.880 --> 01:06:20.560
I'm just not sure that this is going to go in the direction of a romance, so I want to,

1081
01:06:20.560 --> 01:06:22.860
you know, just wish you the best of luck.

1082
01:06:22.860 --> 01:06:23.860
And you can end things.

1083
01:06:23.860 --> 01:06:24.860
Okay.

1084
01:06:24.860 --> 01:06:25.860
Okay.

1085
01:06:25.860 --> 01:06:34.700
And if we do it nicely, if God decides to swing that door back open, he will.

1086
01:06:34.700 --> 01:06:38.260
Things have a habit in this community of coming full circle.

1087
01:06:38.260 --> 01:06:43.340
We have several love stories where people are like, no, I'm not romantically interested

1088
01:06:43.340 --> 01:06:44.340
in you.

1089
01:06:44.340 --> 01:06:50.620
And then a year later, they reconnect and then six, nine months down the road, they're

1090
01:06:50.620 --> 01:06:51.620
getting married.

1091
01:06:51.780 --> 01:06:56.300
I think one of our love stories from a few months ago, when we shared in our phase three,

1092
01:06:56.300 --> 01:07:00.740
we do these things called love stories where we have couples come back and share their

1093
01:07:00.740 --> 01:07:03.940
love stories, married couples come and share their love stories.

1094
01:07:03.940 --> 01:07:07.980
And that was actually one of the couples.

1095
01:07:07.980 --> 01:07:10.620
So just something to think about.

1096
01:07:10.620 --> 01:07:11.620
Okay.

1097
01:07:11.620 --> 01:07:13.620
Missy, how are you?

1098
01:07:13.620 --> 01:07:20.140
Actually, does that, what I just said, I have a feeling, did that kind of speak to you about

1099
01:07:20.300 --> 01:07:21.300
when to release someone?

1100
01:07:21.300 --> 01:07:24.860
Because you had a post about that gentleman.

1101
01:07:24.860 --> 01:07:30.540
And I think you were kind of not finding yourself romantically attracted to him anymore.

1102
01:07:30.540 --> 01:07:31.540
Right.

1103
01:07:31.540 --> 01:07:32.540
Yeah.

1104
01:07:32.540 --> 01:07:36.540
And you honestly answered my question anyway.

1105
01:07:36.540 --> 01:07:37.540
I don't know.

1106
01:07:37.540 --> 01:07:39.820
I haven't broken things off with him yet.

1107
01:07:39.820 --> 01:07:41.740
I actually asked him to call me yesterday.

1108
01:07:41.740 --> 01:07:42.740
Okay.

1109
01:07:42.740 --> 01:07:47.140
He was with his kids all day and I didn't want to ruin his memorial day.

1110
01:07:47.140 --> 01:07:50.620
Are you looking to kind of pull the bandaid off?

1111
01:07:50.620 --> 01:07:51.620
Yeah.

1112
01:07:51.620 --> 01:07:52.620
Yeah.

1113
01:07:52.620 --> 01:07:57.540
I mean, I think my issue with him was he's, um, or not my issue, but like the positive

1114
01:07:57.540 --> 01:07:58.540
part, right.

1115
01:07:58.540 --> 01:08:01.180
Is he's such a godly good man.

1116
01:08:01.180 --> 01:08:02.180
Right.

1117
01:08:02.180 --> 01:08:07.740
And I just was hoping that my feelings would catch up because my sister was like, Missy,

1118
01:08:07.740 --> 01:08:13.180
I thought my, like the guy she was dating at the time, she was like, I thought he was

1119
01:08:13.180 --> 01:08:14.900
so nerdy.

1120
01:08:14.900 --> 01:08:19.580
And then finally she's like, I prayed about it and God just like opened my eyes and my

1121
01:08:19.580 --> 01:08:20.580
heart.

1122
01:08:20.580 --> 01:08:27.540
And like, it was like night and day and I'm like, maybe that'll happen, but I also, there's

1123
01:08:27.540 --> 01:08:33.700
a piece of that too, that, you know, I, and I even mentioned it, um, where he lives in

1124
01:08:33.700 --> 01:08:36.700
a different city and I'm stuck in Austin.

1125
01:08:36.700 --> 01:08:40.100
And so that might even be my answer, you know, um,

1126
01:08:40.100 --> 01:08:43.500
Well, I was going to say, I think, did you mention like you're in Austin and you can't

1127
01:08:43.500 --> 01:08:46.300
move and he's where he's at and he can't move.

1128
01:08:46.300 --> 01:08:47.300
Right.

1129
01:08:47.300 --> 01:08:48.300
Yeah.

1130
01:08:48.300 --> 01:08:49.300
Yeah.

1131
01:08:49.300 --> 01:08:53.740
At that point, how are you going to like, cause we're not trying to ladies, Jackie will

1132
01:08:53.740 --> 01:08:54.740
say this.

1133
01:08:54.740 --> 01:08:57.060
Y'all are not in girl, girlfriend area eras.

1134
01:08:57.060 --> 01:08:58.060
Okay.

1135
01:08:58.060 --> 01:09:01.020
We're not here to be girlfriend for over a year or so.

1136
01:09:01.020 --> 01:09:02.020
Okay.

1137
01:09:02.020 --> 01:09:05.460
Most of us are either in their thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, seventies.

1138
01:09:05.460 --> 01:09:10.540
We're not, we're not in our twenties, teenage 20 years where we're going to be a girlfriend

1139
01:09:10.540 --> 01:09:12.060
for several years.

1140
01:09:12.060 --> 01:09:13.060
No.

1141
01:09:13.620 --> 01:09:14.620
Okay.

1142
01:09:14.620 --> 01:09:22.140
So, I mean, you got to think Missy in a year, less than a year, can you guys move and relocate

1143
01:09:22.140 --> 01:09:23.140
and do life together?

1144
01:09:23.140 --> 01:09:28.740
And if you can't, if you're not in those same seasons of life and that's when it's, it's

1145
01:09:28.740 --> 01:09:29.740
okay to release.

1146
01:09:29.740 --> 01:09:35.500
Um, so I think, I think you're coming to terms with it, you know, you're going to have to

1147
01:09:35.500 --> 01:09:41.540
end things and again, just processing through how you're going to do it, do it kindly honor

1148
01:09:41.540 --> 01:09:45.420
the relationship, share with him things that you really appreciate about him.

1149
01:09:45.420 --> 01:09:50.580
You know, you can utilize this dating experience as an opportunity to say, okay, these are

1150
01:09:50.580 --> 01:09:54.820
things that I really admire and like in a man.

1151
01:09:54.820 --> 01:09:58.860
And that's what I desire in a spirit mate.

1152
01:09:58.860 --> 01:10:00.020
And then I want you to.

1153
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.800
spend some time just processing through that.

1154
01:10:03.800 --> 01:10:05.240
I'm gonna also encourage you,

1155
01:10:05.240 --> 01:10:07.720
cause I'm gonna press you just a little bit.

1156
01:10:07.720 --> 01:10:10.280
Okay, know that I'm doing this in love.

1157
01:10:10.280 --> 01:10:15.000
Is I mentioned the way y'all were posed

1158
01:10:16.200 --> 01:10:19.040
was very physically close.

1159
01:10:19.040 --> 01:10:20.960
I think that's part of the reason

1160
01:10:20.960 --> 01:10:23.080
why you're feeling this tug.

1161
01:10:23.080 --> 01:10:25.480
That you don't wanna do it, but you did.

1162
01:10:25.480 --> 01:10:26.600
I think you allowed yourself

1163
01:10:26.600 --> 01:10:31.240
to get kind of physically too close early on,

1164
01:10:31.240 --> 01:10:35.080
and it's making it hard to release them because of that.

1165
01:10:35.080 --> 01:10:37.800
Is that, does that resonate?

1166
01:10:37.800 --> 01:10:39.560
Yeah, maybe.

1167
01:10:41.720 --> 01:10:45.640
I think it's more for me just letting a good man go

1168
01:10:45.640 --> 01:10:47.400
because it's more of a trust

1169
01:10:47.400 --> 01:10:49.880
that God's gonna give me somebody that I act,

1170
01:10:49.880 --> 01:10:53.280
that has some of those same qualities,

1171
01:10:53.280 --> 01:10:55.240
but that I am also attracted to.

1172
01:10:55.280 --> 01:10:56.880
And I think it's more of a belief

1173
01:10:56.880 --> 01:10:59.640
of like that can actually happen for me.

1174
01:10:59.640 --> 01:11:03.920
And it's just, I have a hard time letting good men go

1175
01:11:03.920 --> 01:11:08.520
because I fear that I'm not gonna find another one,

1176
01:11:08.520 --> 01:11:10.720
but I have to believe that I will.

1177
01:11:10.720 --> 01:11:12.680
Well, and I'm gonna leave you with this

1178
01:11:12.680 --> 01:11:14.280
because I do think it will give encouragement.

1179
01:11:14.280 --> 01:11:16.600
And I've shared this story several, several times.

1180
01:11:16.600 --> 01:11:19.240
And so if you've watched any of the replays in the past,

1181
01:11:19.240 --> 01:11:20.960
you might've heard me say this.

1182
01:11:20.960 --> 01:11:23.800
I had a similar situation with a guy.

1183
01:11:23.840 --> 01:11:25.240
I went on three dates with him.

1184
01:11:25.240 --> 01:11:26.960
We had a fourth date set up.

1185
01:11:26.960 --> 01:11:29.160
He was a really great intentional guy.

1186
01:11:29.160 --> 01:11:34.160
So, just so attentive and initiated things

1187
01:11:34.280 --> 01:11:36.840
just really made me feel valued.

1188
01:11:36.840 --> 01:11:40.000
And I thought, wow, this is a good man.

1189
01:11:40.000 --> 01:11:41.360
But for some reason,

1190
01:11:41.360 --> 01:11:45.640
there just wasn't a connection after three dates.

1191
01:11:45.640 --> 01:11:47.800
And there were just some things that I'm like,

1192
01:11:47.800 --> 01:11:48.840
it doesn't sit well.

1193
01:11:48.840 --> 01:11:51.320
It didn't feel right to me.

1194
01:11:51.320 --> 01:11:54.760
And I almost couldn't even describe what it was.

1195
01:11:54.760 --> 01:11:58.760
Like I couldn't pinpoint, this is why.

1196
01:11:58.760 --> 01:12:00.000
This is why he's not for me.

1197
01:12:00.000 --> 01:12:01.520
I couldn't figure it out.

1198
01:12:01.520 --> 01:12:03.520
I wrestled with it in this community.

1199
01:12:03.520 --> 01:12:05.880
And I finally got to the point where I'm like, okay.

1200
01:12:05.880 --> 01:12:06.840
I went in prayer and I'm like,

1201
01:12:06.840 --> 01:12:10.960
God, I can't keep going in this back and forth.

1202
01:12:10.960 --> 01:12:14.840
I'm just gonna make a decision to let him go.

1203
01:12:14.840 --> 01:12:17.400
And Lord, if I am stepping out of your will

1204
01:12:17.400 --> 01:12:19.640
and I'm stepping out of your alignment,

1205
01:12:19.640 --> 01:12:24.640
I trust that you will open the door when the time is right.

1206
01:12:26.640 --> 01:12:29.240
And I will tell you, Jackie knew of this guy

1207
01:12:29.240 --> 01:12:32.800
because I was in the community sharing about him, okay?

1208
01:12:32.800 --> 01:12:35.160
She would bring him up on calls with me.

1209
01:12:35.160 --> 01:12:36.080
When we were in group calls,

1210
01:12:36.080 --> 01:12:38.040
hey Carla, how's that one guy?

1211
01:12:39.240 --> 01:12:40.280
How's Jake doing?

1212
01:12:41.480 --> 01:12:43.560
Did anything ever come of that?

1213
01:12:43.560 --> 01:12:45.720
And sometimes I would think,

1214
01:12:45.720 --> 01:12:47.720
oh, maybe this is God's way of telling me

1215
01:12:47.720 --> 01:12:49.440
I need to reach out to him.

1216
01:12:50.240 --> 01:12:51.400
But every time I would think that God's like,

1217
01:12:51.400 --> 01:12:54.720
no, Carla, you gave me the permission

1218
01:12:54.720 --> 01:12:57.720
to bring him back into your life, not you.

1219
01:12:57.720 --> 01:13:00.560
I was like, okay, I kid you not.

1220
01:13:03.520 --> 01:13:06.040
When I had one of my last conversations with Jackie

1221
01:13:06.040 --> 01:13:09.280
before my husband came into my DMs,

1222
01:13:10.360 --> 01:13:12.440
I thought about reaching out to that guy.

1223
01:13:13.400 --> 01:13:14.520
And I held off.

1224
01:13:14.520 --> 01:13:17.080
A week later, my husband DMed me.

1225
01:13:17.960 --> 01:13:19.200
Because I kept going back to it.

1226
01:13:19.200 --> 01:13:20.040
I will tell you.

1227
01:13:20.040 --> 01:13:21.680
So I want that to give you encouragement

1228
01:13:21.680 --> 01:13:26.400
that you practice putting it in God's hands

1229
01:13:26.400 --> 01:13:28.920
and say, God, I'm wrestling with this

1230
01:13:28.920 --> 01:13:30.640
and I need your help with this.

1231
01:13:31.680 --> 01:13:33.880
I'm having a hard time releasing this good man,

1232
01:13:33.880 --> 01:13:37.280
but I don't know if this is the man that you have for me.

1233
01:13:37.280 --> 01:13:39.840
So Lord, whatever you need to do to work in my heart,

1234
01:13:39.840 --> 01:13:42.080
I'm gonna release him and I'm gonna trust

1235
01:13:42.080 --> 01:13:44.640
that you are gonna work in me what needs to be worked out.

1236
01:13:44.640 --> 01:13:47.200
And if this man is supposed to be my husband,

1237
01:13:47.200 --> 01:13:49.240
you are going to orchestrate it that way.

1238
01:13:51.400 --> 01:13:53.360
I hope that gives you encouragement.

1239
01:13:53.360 --> 01:13:54.360
I'm sure.

1240
01:13:54.360 --> 01:13:55.240
Okay.

1241
01:13:55.240 --> 01:13:56.080
Yeah.

1242
01:13:56.080 --> 01:13:57.960
Ladies, you can't mess up your spirit mate.

1243
01:13:57.960 --> 01:13:58.800
Sure.

1244
01:13:58.800 --> 01:14:00.000
Okay.

1245
01:14:00.000 --> 01:14:00.920
Thank you.

1246
01:14:00.920 --> 01:14:01.880
You're welcome.

1247
01:14:01.880 --> 01:14:02.920
Okay.

1248
01:14:02.920 --> 01:14:06.280
Is it Kristiana?

1249
01:14:06.280 --> 01:14:07.600
Did I pronounce that right?

1250
01:14:07.600 --> 01:14:08.640
Yes, that was perfect.

1251
01:14:08.640 --> 01:14:09.680
Awesome, I love it.

1252
01:14:09.680 --> 01:14:10.520
Okay.

1253
01:14:10.520 --> 01:14:12.520
And then Karen, I'm gonna hang tight for you as well.

1254
01:14:12.520 --> 01:14:14.120
I know we're a little over time,

1255
01:14:14.640 --> 01:14:15.840
but I'm gonna take your question

1256
01:14:15.840 --> 01:14:17.480
cause you've been waiting so patiently.

1257
01:14:17.480 --> 01:14:18.320
Okay.

1258
01:14:18.320 --> 01:14:19.160
You got for me.

1259
01:14:20.720 --> 01:14:21.560
Thank you.

1260
01:14:21.560 --> 01:14:23.200
And I will keep this short.

1261
01:14:23.200 --> 01:14:26.000
So I am in phase two with someone

1262
01:14:26.000 --> 01:14:28.240
and he's really, really great.

1263
01:14:28.240 --> 01:14:30.520
We are long distance ish,

1264
01:14:30.520 --> 01:14:32.360
like we're an hour and a half apart.

1265
01:14:32.360 --> 01:14:34.800
So we started out doing more phone calls

1266
01:14:34.800 --> 01:14:36.960
and then I've spent a little bit of time in person,

1267
01:14:36.960 --> 01:14:38.960
only two dates in person.

1268
01:14:38.960 --> 01:14:43.680
And he usually is really great about communicating,

1269
01:14:44.120 --> 01:14:46.040
talking, we'll just text a little bit.

1270
01:14:46.040 --> 01:14:49.600
So I definitely feel like things are going somewhere

1271
01:14:49.600 --> 01:14:52.640
and like everything I learned about him, I do really like.

1272
01:14:53.920 --> 01:14:56.720
Definitely feel like I was looking for the real qualities,

1273
01:14:56.720 --> 01:14:59.880
not like my past where I had different things.

1274
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:08.480
Um, but what I think I'm curious about how I should handle is, um, his mom is sick and,

1275
01:15:08.480 --> 01:15:15.120
um, they're just figuring out, I think exactly what's going on and how bad it is or how great

1276
01:15:15.120 --> 01:15:16.120
it's going to be.

1277
01:15:16.120 --> 01:15:19.120
And so, you know, obviously I'm just praying for him, for her, for their whole family.

1278
01:15:19.120 --> 01:15:24.760
Um, but like, we're not close enough where like, I feel like he's ready for me to be

1279
01:15:24.760 --> 01:15:29.080
there for him, but like, I would be if he wanted me to, it's like, what's really like

1280
01:15:29.080 --> 01:15:33.760
in a, a good way for me to think about, you know, how I can just give him, you know, appropriate

1281
01:15:33.760 --> 01:15:40.680
space to do this, but not disappear on him, but also not, you know, if things just, if

1282
01:15:40.680 --> 01:15:44.120
I don't hear from him because of how he's trying to process and he just, you know, wants

1283
01:15:44.120 --> 01:15:51.000
to be alone, like not how much time do I give him, but kind of like, you know, what, what

1284
01:15:51.000 --> 01:15:54.080
should I be kind of using to like, yeah.

1285
01:15:54.080 --> 01:15:58.880
A couple of things I feel like I can kind of just share.

1286
01:15:58.880 --> 01:16:03.360
I like that you're recognizing, yeah, you've only been on two in-person dates.

1287
01:16:03.360 --> 01:16:05.320
It's really level two.

1288
01:16:05.320 --> 01:16:06.320
Okay.

1289
01:16:06.320 --> 01:16:07.720
You're not exclusive right now.

1290
01:16:07.720 --> 01:16:13.960
I think it's really beautiful that you are praying for his family and his situation.

1291
01:16:13.960 --> 01:16:16.360
Continue to keep doing that in your own prayer time.

1292
01:16:16.360 --> 01:16:22.160
Um, I would strongly encourage not, you know, getting on a call or in from him and praying

1293
01:16:22.160 --> 01:16:23.160
over him.

1294
01:16:23.160 --> 01:16:24.160
Okay.

1295
01:16:24.160 --> 01:16:30.160
Until you can get him more into a relationship, but definitely continue to keep praying for

1296
01:16:30.160 --> 01:16:37.520
him and his family in his spare time, um, reciprocate his efforts.

1297
01:16:37.520 --> 01:16:40.600
So when he's reaching out, you're also reaching out.

1298
01:16:40.600 --> 01:16:48.320
Um, I would even go as far as saying, look, um, I understand, like just communicate, like,

1299
01:16:48.320 --> 01:16:51.440
look, I understand that this must be a difficult time for you.

1300
01:16:51.720 --> 01:16:58.280
Um, I want to give you space to process when you need to, if you ever feel like you can

1301
01:16:58.280 --> 01:17:04.520
just communicate to him to say, Hey, if there's ever a time you need to kind of step up, step

1302
01:17:04.520 --> 01:17:11.440
away for a while to kind of process, just know, I understand, just give me a heads up

1303
01:17:11.440 --> 01:17:16.240
and just open that space up for him to say, look, I know that this might be a hard time

1304
01:17:16.240 --> 01:17:17.240
for you.

1305
01:17:17.240 --> 01:17:20.200
I want to continue to get to know you more.

1306
01:17:20.200 --> 01:17:26.800
I want to see, um, but I understand what your situation is and you might need a little

1307
01:17:26.800 --> 01:17:27.800
more time.

1308
01:17:27.800 --> 01:17:31.400
I just want to say, Hey, I'm still interested in getting to know you.

1309
01:17:31.400 --> 01:17:36.360
I'm going to let you take this to the pace that you feel comfortable and just communicate

1310
01:17:36.360 --> 01:17:37.360
that with him.

1311
01:17:37.360 --> 01:17:41.000
Now, what I do want to encourage, and I'm going to encourage all you ladies, when you

1312
01:17:41.000 --> 01:17:47.000
are in level two relationships and you're spending time and you really like someone,

1313
01:17:47.000 --> 01:17:48.720
remember you're still in level two.

1314
01:17:48.720 --> 01:17:51.840
And it doesn't mean that you're putting all your eggs in that basket.

1315
01:17:51.840 --> 01:17:57.760
You are still out there meeting, maybe possibly dating other people, okay?

1316
01:17:57.760 --> 01:18:00.560
We don't want to put all our eggs in one basket.

1317
01:18:00.560 --> 01:18:04.800
That's when we can sometimes emotionally attached.

1318
01:18:04.800 --> 01:18:09.680
So then when things don't work out, things start crumbling and we start getting heartbroken

1319
01:18:09.680 --> 01:18:16.840
and discouraged and hopeless because we were really hoping this would pan out.

1320
01:18:16.840 --> 01:18:21.840
And then if it doesn't, so you're still going out, you're living life.

1321
01:18:21.840 --> 01:18:24.120
What are things that you enjoy doing?

1322
01:18:24.120 --> 01:18:28.320
Make sure that you're going out, getting out, doing things that you like to do.

1323
01:18:28.320 --> 01:18:29.320
Okay.

1324
01:18:29.320 --> 01:18:33.760
And then again, you're going to allow him to kind of pace this and you're just reciprocating

1325
01:18:33.760 --> 01:18:34.760
efforts.

1326
01:18:34.760 --> 01:18:38.940
Now, when we talk about reciprocating efforts, ladies, we're not saying that the man is always

1327
01:18:38.940 --> 01:18:42.600
reaching out to you.

1328
01:18:42.600 --> 01:18:45.720
He's reaching out every now and then you're also reaching out every now.

1329
01:18:45.720 --> 01:18:49.240
It's a kind of a back and forth, okay?

1330
01:18:49.240 --> 01:18:56.200
We do want men initiating meetups and dates, especially after the first date, you're going

1331
01:18:56.200 --> 01:18:59.800
to want him to initiate that second date, but they're going to need to know, but you

1332
01:18:59.800 --> 01:19:02.360
already have a second date kind of playing with them, right?

1333
01:19:02.360 --> 01:19:03.360
Okay.

1334
01:19:03.360 --> 01:19:08.200
So this is just maybe for the overall community, but that reciprocation is, Hey, I have some

1335
01:19:08.200 --> 01:19:09.200
free time this weekend.

1336
01:19:09.200 --> 01:19:13.120
We'd love to get together if you're free.

1337
01:19:13.120 --> 01:19:21.400
And then if he's free, he can, if he's not, then let's hope that he is a good communicator.

1338
01:19:21.400 --> 01:19:23.600
And if he's not, we're going to give him grace.

1339
01:19:23.600 --> 01:19:24.600
Okay.

1340
01:19:24.600 --> 01:19:27.720
Cause not everybody's going to be a good communicator because he might be like, Oh, I would really

1341
01:19:27.720 --> 01:19:28.720
love to do that.

1342
01:19:28.720 --> 01:19:29.940
I'm really tied up.

1343
01:19:29.940 --> 01:19:34.360
We got a lot of stuff going on with my mom and I can't get away this weekend, but I'm

1344
01:19:34.360 --> 01:19:35.640
free on Wednesday.

1345
01:19:35.640 --> 01:19:37.600
Are you free?

1346
01:19:37.600 --> 01:19:38.680
There's that reciprocation.

1347
01:19:38.680 --> 01:19:40.400
Or if he says, Hey, I want to get together.

1348
01:19:40.720 --> 01:19:45.360
Oh no, I really want to get together, but I I'm preoccupied here, but how about we do

1349
01:19:45.360 --> 01:19:46.480
this day instead?

1350
01:19:46.480 --> 01:19:48.400
Are you available then?

1351
01:19:48.400 --> 01:19:51.240
So that we're going to, again, reciprocate efforts.

1352
01:19:51.240 --> 01:19:52.240
Okay.

1353
01:19:52.240 --> 01:19:57.640
So given the space, I always say communication is so valuable.

1354
01:19:57.640 --> 01:19:58.640
Okay.

1355
01:19:58.640 --> 01:20:00.000
But like you said, you're still in those.

1356
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.120
early stages. So this is a guy that you're pouring everything in.

1357
01:20:03.440 --> 01:20:07.120
You're still out there getting to know other people because if we don't know

1358
01:20:07.120 --> 01:20:09.880
his, we don't know what the situation is going to look like.

1359
01:20:10.520 --> 01:20:13.360
We don't know if all of a sudden he's just not going to have the capacity and

1360
01:20:13.360 --> 01:20:18.360
he's going to need to say, I'm sorry, I can't do this right now. I need space.

1361
01:20:19.200 --> 01:20:23.120
Then you're not going to be tore up because you're also like, okay, well,

1362
01:20:23.120 --> 01:20:25.560
I'm also getting to know other people. Now you're gonna have to say that to him.

1363
01:20:25.560 --> 01:20:28.600
Okay. You don't have to disclose that you're dating other people. Okay.

1364
01:20:29.040 --> 01:20:33.960
Until you're like, until you're exclusive, like you're not,

1365
01:20:34.000 --> 01:20:37.760
you're not tied. You're not obligated to somebody. Does that make sense?

1366
01:20:37.840 --> 01:20:39.040
And they're not obligated to you.

1367
01:20:40.920 --> 01:20:44.720
So I just continue praying on, on, on your spare time,

1368
01:20:44.720 --> 01:20:49.200
on your own prayer time and then just reciprocate efforts and let him know that

1369
01:20:49.760 --> 01:20:51.400
you enjoy getting to know him.

1370
01:20:51.640 --> 01:20:55.480
You want to continue and just ask him,

1371
01:20:56.400 --> 01:21:00.240
can you just openly communicate what your needs are when,

1372
01:21:00.280 --> 01:21:04.120
when you have needs? Does that help?

1373
01:21:04.960 --> 01:21:05.800
Yes. Thank you.

1374
01:21:06.120 --> 01:21:09.800
Good, good, good. All right, Karen, thank you for being so patient.

1375
01:21:09.920 --> 01:21:13.640
You're welcome. I'll try to make it quick, but I have a few different things,

1376
01:21:13.640 --> 01:21:18.800
which I know take up the whole hour. But so I've got one guy,

1377
01:21:18.880 --> 01:21:23.400
we've been talking since I think the 12th of May, every couple of days,

1378
01:21:23.440 --> 01:21:25.960
you know, I'm in the middle of a huge move.

1379
01:21:27.280 --> 01:21:30.640
I'm downsizing. I had to get a storage unit. So I'm like,

1380
01:21:31.000 --> 01:21:34.240
I'm like, my time is so limited.

1381
01:21:36.080 --> 01:21:36.920
100%.

1382
01:21:37.160 --> 01:21:38.000
What's that? Yeah.

1383
01:21:38.160 --> 01:21:39.160
The 100%.

1384
01:21:39.840 --> 01:21:42.400
Exactly. So, and he's been really patient, you know,

1385
01:21:42.400 --> 01:21:44.800
he's been really kind and he said he wants to meet,

1386
01:21:45.080 --> 01:21:48.960
but he's made no effort as to like when. So,

1387
01:21:50.200 --> 01:21:52.640
but the other question, it's kind of a twofold.

1388
01:21:53.040 --> 01:21:57.960
I, I live in Georgetown, Texas. He lives in San Antonio.

1389
01:21:57.960 --> 01:22:02.720
So he's about 80 miles away and I'm not at really in a position to

1390
01:22:02.720 --> 01:22:06.040
be dating, you know, like long distance,

1391
01:22:06.440 --> 01:22:11.120
but I have, I've been on the app. I don't know how, like how long now,

1392
01:22:11.120 --> 01:22:14.960
probably at least, at least two months,

1393
01:22:14.960 --> 01:22:19.680
maybe three now since I started the program and maybe even

1394
01:22:19.680 --> 01:22:24.000
longer. There's no one in my area that has,

1395
01:22:24.240 --> 01:22:28.280
you know, started conversations. I've got one guy now in town.

1396
01:22:28.600 --> 01:22:32.120
He's about five inches shorter than I am. No judgment,

1397
01:22:32.160 --> 01:22:33.880
but it's just a little awkward.

1398
01:22:34.120 --> 01:22:37.480
That's yeah. That's, that's a big, big height gap. I get it.

1399
01:22:39.520 --> 01:22:41.280
He wants to meet my, you know,

1400
01:22:41.280 --> 01:22:44.200
and I told him I was in the middle of a move that it'd be, you know,

1401
01:22:44.200 --> 01:22:47.280
after this date. So anyway, but,

1402
01:22:48.160 --> 01:22:52.520
but one more thing, it never dawned on me, like in my heart,

1403
01:22:54.040 --> 01:22:58.680
moving out of this area has never been like

1404
01:22:58.760 --> 01:23:03.200
an option for me. And I, and so I'm not even looking,

1405
01:23:03.200 --> 01:23:06.680
which, you know, maybe I should be, I don't know.

1406
01:23:07.800 --> 01:23:09.920
Okay. Yeah. A couple of things here. So

1407
01:23:11.520 --> 01:23:15.720
you're in Georgetown currently and you're moving in to lift

1408
01:23:16.520 --> 01:23:19.200
20 minutes away. Liberty Hill. Okay. Gotcha. Okay.

1409
01:23:19.480 --> 01:23:24.440
That's actually where my husband grew up. Yeah. Um, okay.

1410
01:23:24.480 --> 01:23:27.480
So that's your, your move is just like 20 minutes away. Okay.

1411
01:23:27.480 --> 01:23:29.600
But he's still in San Antonio and you're right. That is,

1412
01:23:30.920 --> 01:23:34.200
but it's like an hour and a half, two hour drive. Yes. Um,

1413
01:23:35.720 --> 01:23:38.120
what do you, when you say you're not open to long distance,

1414
01:23:38.560 --> 01:23:41.360
is it because you don't, you just feel like you don't want to move?

1415
01:23:42.000 --> 01:23:46.560
My three children and my six grandchildren are here and I think,

1416
01:23:46.800 --> 01:23:47.640
don't me.

1417
01:23:49.400 --> 01:23:50.880
So it's you,

1418
01:23:51.520 --> 01:23:56.120
you cherish and value being close to your kids and grandkids. Yes.

1419
01:23:56.480 --> 01:23:58.160
Okay. I can understand that.

1420
01:23:58.720 --> 01:24:03.440
So is this man in San Antonio,

1421
01:24:03.440 --> 01:24:05.400
is he open to relocating?

1422
01:24:05.960 --> 01:24:08.800
You know, I don't know. He's we, we haven't,

1423
01:24:08.920 --> 01:24:13.440
we've talked very little just about the nothing personal. Okay.

1424
01:24:13.680 --> 01:24:17.480
So I want to encourage you to stick with this and to get to know him. Okay.

1425
01:24:18.000 --> 01:24:22.160
So after two or three dates, then it can, it can be brought up of, Hey,

1426
01:24:22.160 --> 01:24:23.920
you know, I'm enjoying getting to know,

1427
01:24:23.960 --> 01:24:25.880
especially after two or three days and you,

1428
01:24:26.160 --> 01:24:28.800
you really find some good qualities about him that you like,

1429
01:24:28.800 --> 01:24:33.480
like you share that he's patient and kind. Those are good fruits.

1430
01:24:34.000 --> 01:24:36.960
You're letting him know that you have a move and you don't have a lot of time

1431
01:24:37.000 --> 01:24:40.280
right now. And he's being patient and kind with that ladies. That's,

1432
01:24:40.440 --> 01:24:42.560
that's being a fruit inspector. Okay.

1433
01:24:42.560 --> 01:24:46.000
So you really love and value that he is like that.

1434
01:24:46.240 --> 01:24:49.040
So those are good qualities. So after two or three days,

1435
01:24:49.040 --> 01:24:53.000
if you continue to see, you know, fruit after that third date, you can say,

1436
01:24:53.000 --> 01:24:54.720
look, I really admire,

1437
01:24:54.720 --> 01:24:58.240
and I am attracted to all of these qualities about you.

1438
01:24:58.800 --> 01:25:00.080
I am going to.

1439
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.000
to share with you, I'm not in a position to relocate.

1440
01:25:05.080 --> 01:25:08.480
Is that something that you would be able to do

1441
01:25:08.480 --> 01:25:11.160
in the future if we continue to get to know each other

1442
01:25:11.160 --> 01:25:13.600
and this goes somewhere romantically?

1443
01:25:13.600 --> 01:25:15.480
That's when you can have that conversation

1444
01:25:15.480 --> 01:25:17.500
after like three days.

1445
01:25:17.500 --> 01:25:18.880
And you're saying it goes somewhere

1446
01:25:18.880 --> 01:25:21.200
and really enjoy them, okay?

1447
01:25:21.200 --> 01:25:24.440
But let's not disqualify them right away

1448
01:25:24.440 --> 01:25:26.800
until you spend some time getting to know them.

1449
01:25:27.640 --> 01:25:32.640
One thing I will share is he might not have initiated

1450
01:25:33.920 --> 01:25:37.840
a date because he's allowing you space.

1451
01:25:37.840 --> 01:25:42.040
When you have the time available, let him know.

1452
01:25:42.040 --> 01:25:45.200
Hey, I really appreciate how patient and kind

1453
01:25:45.200 --> 01:25:46.780
you've been with me about this move

1454
01:25:46.780 --> 01:25:48.920
and us getting together.

1455
01:25:48.920 --> 01:25:53.920
I wanna let you know I'm actually free on Friday or Monday.

1456
01:25:54.380 --> 01:25:55.920
I'm free on Friday and Monday.

1457
01:25:55.920 --> 01:25:59.300
Would either of those days work for you to get together?

1458
01:25:59.300 --> 01:26:02.060
I would really like for us to meet.

1459
01:26:02.060 --> 01:26:02.900
Okay.

1460
01:26:02.900 --> 01:26:05.460
And then, so that's kind of your drop in the hanky

1461
01:26:05.460 --> 01:26:06.980
and you're opening the door because he's,

1462
01:26:06.980 --> 01:26:09.260
I think he's just respecting your boundaries.

1463
01:26:09.260 --> 01:26:10.100
I do too.

1464
01:26:10.100 --> 01:26:14.300
So that right there, if he isn't respecting boundaries,

1465
01:26:14.300 --> 01:26:17.380
ladies, that is being a fruit inspector.

1466
01:26:17.380 --> 01:26:19.180
Good, awesome quality.

1467
01:26:19.180 --> 01:26:24.180
And so, yeah, start there.

1468
01:26:25.120 --> 01:26:27.160
What about a video date?

1469
01:26:27.160 --> 01:26:29.840
What about a, you think a video date would be

1470
01:26:31.560 --> 01:26:32.400
another good option?

1471
01:26:32.400 --> 01:26:34.440
Video dates are fine, but if you guys can make

1472
01:26:34.440 --> 01:26:36.360
an in-person date happen, go for it.

1473
01:26:36.360 --> 01:26:39.120
Ladies, you're gonna always hear me say,

1474
01:26:39.120 --> 01:26:41.960
video, in-person dates are always,

1475
01:26:41.960 --> 01:26:44.200
if you can make this happen, make this happen.

1476
01:26:44.200 --> 01:26:45.040
Okay.

1477
01:26:47.520 --> 01:26:51.040
Video dates are great when you are several hours away

1478
01:26:51.060 --> 01:26:54.740
and it's almost impossible to get your schedules aligned.

1479
01:26:54.740 --> 01:26:59.660
And there's gonna have to be like a financial investment

1480
01:26:59.660 --> 01:27:01.120
in having to go see them.

1481
01:27:01.120 --> 01:27:03.500
Like, I mean, you might have to hop on a plane

1482
01:27:03.500 --> 01:27:05.940
or someone's gonna have to travel three hours

1483
01:27:05.940 --> 01:27:09.940
or they're gonna have to maybe get an Airbnb

1484
01:27:09.940 --> 01:27:14.460
sort of situation because it's a longer distance.

1485
01:27:14.460 --> 01:27:15.300
That's when it's good.

1486
01:27:15.300 --> 01:27:18.860
Or if you're meeting them online and you just,

1487
01:27:18.880 --> 01:27:21.680
sometimes it's like, I just need this vibe.

1488
01:27:21.680 --> 01:27:24.500
I need to make sure that they're a real person.

1489
01:27:24.500 --> 01:27:25.340
All right, I need to make sure

1490
01:27:25.340 --> 01:27:26.880
that they are who they say they are.

1491
01:27:26.880 --> 01:27:28.360
Then you're gonna do a video call.

1492
01:27:28.360 --> 01:27:30.960
Okay, but most of the time, if you're feeling,

1493
01:27:30.960 --> 01:27:32.760
like you're getting the gut feeling like,

1494
01:27:32.760 --> 01:27:34.600
okay, this is really great guy.

1495
01:27:34.600 --> 01:27:36.260
You've had some phone calls.

1496
01:27:37.360 --> 01:27:39.340
Get the in-person date if you can.

1497
01:27:40.680 --> 01:27:41.520
All right?

1498
01:27:41.520 --> 01:27:42.340
Okay.

1499
01:27:43.560 --> 01:27:46.000
One last thing I want to encourage you

1500
01:27:46.000 --> 01:27:48.940
is that you said, you're speaking this,

1501
01:27:48.940 --> 01:27:50.600
there's no one in my area.

1502
01:27:52.460 --> 01:27:56.260
Let's not make absolute statements

1503
01:27:56.260 --> 01:28:00.140
that tie us to something that we might be believing

1504
01:28:00.140 --> 01:28:01.940
that might not actually be true.

1505
01:28:01.940 --> 01:28:02.880
You're right.

1506
01:28:02.880 --> 01:28:07.880
There's nobody that has surfaced in your area yet.

1507
01:28:08.780 --> 01:28:09.620
Yes.

1508
01:28:09.620 --> 01:28:13.900
Doesn't mean that there isn't someone there, okay?

1509
01:28:13.900 --> 01:28:17.720
Or someone that you meet in your area

1510
01:28:17.720 --> 01:28:19.800
that knows of somebody in your area.

1511
01:28:19.800 --> 01:28:22.820
Cause maybe they're just not in all the places

1512
01:28:22.820 --> 01:28:24.400
where you think to look.

1513
01:28:25.520 --> 01:28:26.360
Okay?

1514
01:28:26.360 --> 01:28:29.240
So just spend time with that.

1515
01:28:29.240 --> 01:28:30.080
Think about that.

1516
01:28:30.080 --> 01:28:31.440
That goes for all of you ladies.

1517
01:28:31.440 --> 01:28:33.440
I know it's really, really easy.

1518
01:28:33.440 --> 01:28:34.420
Hey, I did it too.

1519
01:28:34.420 --> 01:28:35.960
Cause I was, like I said, Elaine,

1520
01:28:35.960 --> 01:28:38.200
I was talking to Elaine, like she lives where I live.

1521
01:28:38.200 --> 01:28:41.780
And I'm like, oh, there's nobody that's single in my area.

1522
01:28:41.800 --> 01:28:45.200
Everybody in my area is already married with kids.

1523
01:28:45.200 --> 01:28:47.520
And so I wasn't meeting singles,

1524
01:28:47.520 --> 01:28:50.840
but truth be told, there were singles in the area.

1525
01:28:50.840 --> 01:28:52.400
There was lots of them.

1526
01:28:52.400 --> 01:28:56.040
I just was not coming out of hiding and sharing enough.

1527
01:28:56.040 --> 01:28:58.560
Hey, I'm single, ready to mingle.

1528
01:28:58.560 --> 01:29:03.120
Like bring me, bring me the guys.

1529
01:29:03.120 --> 01:29:04.480
And so that's what I can tell you ladies,

1530
01:29:04.480 --> 01:29:06.920
come out of hiding, share with your community,

1531
01:29:06.920 --> 01:29:10.840
let people know, hey, I'm open to dating

1532
01:29:10.860 --> 01:29:13.060
and I believe that God's got marriage for me

1533
01:29:13.060 --> 01:29:15.020
and I want to start meeting people.

1534
01:29:15.020 --> 01:29:18.060
So if you know of anybody, send them my way.

1535
01:29:18.060 --> 01:29:20.020
That's why you ladies are going out,

1536
01:29:20.020 --> 01:29:22.400
getting dressed up, going, getting active,

1537
01:29:22.400 --> 01:29:24.020
going out and doing things,

1538
01:29:24.020 --> 01:29:25.180
putting yourself in positions

1539
01:29:25.180 --> 01:29:26.700
where you're meeting new people.

1540
01:29:26.700 --> 01:29:27.540
Okay?

1541
01:29:27.540 --> 01:29:28.500
I even say, introduce yourself

1542
01:29:28.500 --> 01:29:30.580
and make small talk with people that you don't,

1543
01:29:30.580 --> 01:29:33.540
that you're not interested in them for a date.

1544
01:29:33.540 --> 01:29:36.700
Even the women, go out and like make friends with ladies.

1545
01:29:38.060 --> 01:29:40.620
You never know who's tied to you tonight.

1546
01:29:41.700 --> 01:29:43.420
Can I ask a question, Karen?

1547
01:29:43.420 --> 01:29:44.940
Okay, what about like,

1548
01:29:44.940 --> 01:29:49.940
so I've been like anything like 80 miles and further,

1549
01:29:49.940 --> 01:29:51.100
I've just been clicking off,

1550
01:29:51.100 --> 01:29:53.780
like just X-ing out, X-ing out, X-ing,

1551
01:29:53.780 --> 01:29:55.740
because it's just not,

1552
01:29:55.740 --> 01:30:00.740
it's not conducive for me to go travel to them right now.

1553
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.120
Okay, the state. So this is what you can do. Okay, is in your

1554
01:30:05.120 --> 01:30:09.120
profile, be like, I am not I do not have the ability to

1555
01:30:09.120 --> 01:30:13.840
relocate, but I'm open to meeting people that potentially

1556
01:30:13.880 --> 01:30:20.960
could relocate themselves. Okay. So, so ladies, you might not be

1557
01:30:20.960 --> 01:30:25.080
able to relocate. But if you're open to long distance dating,

1558
01:30:26.080 --> 01:30:30.680
and what God possibly has, then I wouldn't say x people out

1559
01:30:30.680 --> 01:30:34.080
because maybe as long as they they up your upfront, like, hey,

1560
01:30:34.120 --> 01:30:42.040
I can't move. But I would like to see where this goes. So are

1561
01:30:42.040 --> 01:30:45.680
you let me I just want to clarify first. So are you

1562
01:30:45.680 --> 01:30:48.840
clicking because you are just not in a position to relocate?

1563
01:30:48.840 --> 01:30:51.600
Or are you just not in a position where you can spend

1564
01:30:51.600 --> 01:30:56.160
time away? Occasionally, where maybe you go travel a day or

1565
01:30:56.160 --> 01:30:58.640
two to go visit them, and then they do the same.

1566
01:31:00.000 --> 01:31:06.600
Hmm. I guess I, the way I see it in my head is I could go meet

1567
01:31:06.600 --> 01:31:09.920
someone halfway. But if it got serious, I wouldn't be able to

1568
01:31:09.920 --> 01:31:14.600
maintain that. Okay, for any length of time, you know, three,

1569
01:31:14.600 --> 01:31:15.640
six months.

1570
01:31:16.400 --> 01:31:19.600
Why? Why do you think you are not able to maintain that? Is

1571
01:31:19.600 --> 01:31:20.280
is it?

1572
01:31:21.800 --> 01:31:26.160
finances would be a big one. And job.

1573
01:31:26.760 --> 01:31:30.440
Okay, so your job? Are you so you can't take a lot of time

1574
01:31:30.440 --> 01:31:34.800
off? Correct. Okay. So again, I don't think you have to

1575
01:31:34.840 --> 01:31:37.840
literally say like, you're completely shut off to it.

1576
01:31:38.000 --> 01:31:41.760
Right? Hold it loosely. Okay, surrender that pen a little bit

1577
01:31:41.760 --> 01:31:44.600
see what God wants to do. Okay, because here's another thing,

1578
01:31:44.600 --> 01:31:50.600
ladies, like, I was a single mom, I had, like, long distance

1579
01:31:50.600 --> 01:31:54.880
was, like, a bit scary for me. But like I said, Jackie

1580
01:31:54.880 --> 01:31:58.160
prepared my heart. A week before my husband reached out to me, I

1581
01:31:58.160 --> 01:32:02.040
thought he lived in Florida. He actually lived in Texas. And so

1582
01:32:02.040 --> 01:32:09.440
when we converse the first time, um, he showed me he was like the

1583
01:32:09.440 --> 01:32:12.520
Dallas Fort Worth area. And I was like, like, whatever, I'm

1584
01:32:12.520 --> 01:32:19.360
gonna be open to it. The cool thing is, he worked remotely,

1585
01:32:19.400 --> 01:32:22.000
but his company was based in Clearwater, which is an hour

1586
01:32:22.000 --> 01:32:27.520
away from Sarasota. And so he was able to travel to me through

1587
01:32:27.520 --> 01:32:33.440
his work where his work paid for his travel. But he also was

1588
01:32:33.440 --> 01:32:39.440
financially able to cover my flights to Texas. And so my

1589
01:32:39.440 --> 01:32:44.400
husband financially provided in our dating time, okay, now there

1590
01:32:44.400 --> 01:32:47.040
was like one occasion, I think I fronted a little bit of the

1591
01:32:47.040 --> 01:32:53.000
money or something like that. But men, you never know what the

1592
01:32:53.000 --> 01:32:56.120
financial situation of the man is. And if he is interested in

1593
01:32:56.120 --> 01:32:59.000
you, and wants to get to know you, and he is intentional with

1594
01:32:59.000 --> 01:33:03.600
you, who's to say that he's not gonna say, Well, I would like to

1595
01:33:03.600 --> 01:33:08.480
fly you up here to see me, I'm gonna, you know, set you up at a

1596
01:33:08.480 --> 01:33:11.360
friend from church's house that you can stay in, or I'll cover

1597
01:33:11.360 --> 01:33:15.440
your hotel fees, I'll cover the Airbnb, whatever that looks

1598
01:33:15.440 --> 01:33:19.680
like. And so I would, that's why I say, hold that stuff loosely,

1599
01:33:19.680 --> 01:33:22.840
because you'll be surprised how sometimes God will orchestrate

1600
01:33:23.160 --> 01:33:27.240
to make sure that those types of things can happen. So and again,

1601
01:33:27.240 --> 01:33:29.760
as long as you're being very forthcoming, when you're

1602
01:33:29.760 --> 01:33:33.600
meeting people, you know, and like I said, after like, three

1603
01:33:33.600 --> 01:33:37.360
dates, and you see that this potentially could go somewhere

1604
01:33:37.360 --> 01:33:40.960
romantically, that's when you can say, Hey, I want to continue

1605
01:33:40.960 --> 01:33:43.280
to get to know you better. Here's some things that I'm

1606
01:33:43.280 --> 01:33:47.640
concerned with that might put roadblocks for us to continue

1607
01:33:47.640 --> 01:33:52.000
this. What are your thoughts on that? And then let them share

1608
01:33:52.000 --> 01:33:54.720
what their thoughts are? Because maybe the guy's gonna be like,

1609
01:33:54.760 --> 01:33:59.240
Oh, well, I'm more than happy to cover your travel costs for you.

1610
01:33:59.400 --> 01:34:01.720
Because I really want to spend time with you. And you know

1611
01:34:01.720 --> 01:34:04.240
what, I can come down there a majority of the time to spend

1612
01:34:04.240 --> 01:34:09.200
time with you and go on dates with you. Does that make sense?

1613
01:34:09.520 --> 01:34:12.240
You're kind of confirming what I felt like the Lord just showed

1614
01:34:12.240 --> 01:34:14.040
me like a little bit ago.

1615
01:34:16.160 --> 01:34:19.800
Great how he does that. I'm telling you like everyone's love

1616
01:34:19.800 --> 01:34:22.080
story will also be a testimony to other people. That's why I

1617
01:34:22.080 --> 01:34:25.920
love this program. Because a lot of our situations and dating

1618
01:34:25.920 --> 01:34:29.840
experiences and circumstances, there's probably someone in this

1619
01:34:29.840 --> 01:34:32.720
program who has a success story that's tied to some somewhere

1620
01:34:32.720 --> 01:34:36.360
where you feel blocked. And God's just going to show you

1621
01:34:36.360 --> 01:34:41.840
like he can do some incredible things with y'all's love stories

1622
01:34:41.840 --> 01:34:46.760
as long as we surrender the pen. I had to surrender the pen in a

1623
01:34:46.760 --> 01:34:50.760
lot of areas and until I was ready to do so, and I had to go

1624
01:34:50.760 --> 01:34:54.160
through some dates to get my heart prepared to surrender that

1625
01:34:54.160 --> 01:35:00.000
pen is when my husband got introduced to me by a woman.

1626
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:06.080
in this program actually she was on lookout she was being my wing woman when she was dating someone

1627
01:35:06.080 --> 01:35:12.240
she was in you know apps and things like that and she saw this she saw my husband and she was already

1628
01:35:12.240 --> 01:35:19.120
dating someone she's like i think this is for you carla i'm reaching out to him like you just never

1629
01:35:19.120 --> 01:35:25.120
know if i would have met my husband like prior to that i probably been like yeah no you're you're in

1630
01:35:25.120 --> 01:35:31.280
texas i'm not dating you he actually and then there was another confirmation one of jackie's

1631
01:35:31.280 --> 01:35:38.080
private clients talked about him because she was in that same community that my friend saw his

1632
01:35:38.080 --> 01:35:45.760
profile she shared with jackie about him so then when i came to texas and we went down to

1633
01:35:46.640 --> 01:35:53.520
the austin area jackie and david met my husband and right before we met she's like oh my gosh i

1634
01:35:53.520 --> 01:36:00.240
actually know this guy one of my private clients was trying to introduce me to him and get him in

1635
01:36:00.240 --> 01:36:04.560
our program to introduce and match make with the women in our community and she looked at

1636
01:36:04.560 --> 01:36:09.440
what she goes carla i would have never matched him with you oh she's like i wouldn't have matched

1637
01:36:09.440 --> 01:36:13.600
him with you because he was in texas and you were in florida and you were so headstrong about

1638
01:36:13.600 --> 01:36:19.520
not moving out of florida so god used that as a confirmation too or i was like okay

1639
01:36:19.520 --> 01:36:26.560
okay so just you never know how god wants to write your love story ladies okay i apologize

1640
01:36:26.560 --> 01:36:35.440
i definitely way way way over time um i didn't get to um pull some of the comments in the chat

1641
01:36:35.440 --> 01:36:41.040
so if you had a question and i didn't read it please please please share it in the app

1642
01:36:41.600 --> 01:36:47.360
in our community so that myself or ebony can get to your question ladies i hope that you have felt

1643
01:36:47.360 --> 01:36:54.560
encouraged um i hope you all had a lot of fun got lots of questions answered um and just keep

1644
01:36:54.560 --> 01:37:01.040
showing up okay don't don't forget that activation um with the roll call make sure that you're doing

1645
01:37:01.040 --> 01:37:09.920
that this week and next sunday as well okay sound like a plan ladies it's been a pleasure

1646
01:37:09.920 --> 01:37:14.560
love you all and i will see you next week thank you