WEBVTT

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Hey everyone. So glad to see all of you tonight. I see some of you waving. Hi there. I'm glad

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to see you. So excited for tonight and what God is going to do in all of your lives. If

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those of you in the community may not have met me before, I think some of our guys might

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not have seen me before. If you haven't been on a live session, I'm Bethany Cooper. I'm

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one of the master heartwork coaches here in the community. And a lot of the ladies know

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me because they've gone through the heartwork when I've been coaching. But so good to see

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all of you tonight. I have just a couple quick housekeeping things. As a reminder, we always

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do the Faith Friday. That is COED on Fridays at 10 a.m. Eastern time. You all can find

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the links for all of those things, any events that I'm going to mention in the events calendar.

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As a reminder, all of our Zoom links are going to change once a month. So don't be saving

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Zoom links to your computer or phone or anything like that. Just go right to the app. The link

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is in there. The Zoom meeting ID, code, passcode, all of that is in your events tab inside of

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the event. And then Saturday, another Supernatural Saturday with Jackie. You all, it's going

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to be Sunday's Pentecost Sunday. So we're going to do a special session on Saturday.

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So would love for you all to come on Saturday and just hear what God has put on Jackie's

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heart for that. And then she will announce more of the things we're going to do around

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Pentecost Sunday then. And then next Tuesday night is Loveseats. Loveseats at 8 p.m. Eastern

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time. So that is when any of you can get into the Loveseat and ask your dating questions,

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whether you're currently dating or you're trying to date on the app or you're just having

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a hard time being able to date at all. That's a great time to get into the Loveseat and

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ask Jackie personally. You have her time and her attention, what her viewpoint is on all

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of those things. And so if you would like to be in the Loveseat, just know that you

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can you can even create a post in one of the groups and let us know you want to be in Loveseat

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or comment on our weekly roll call. Our team will see that and then we'll add you to that

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list to be in the Loveseat. And for the men, same thing goes. We look at all of those and

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I can add you to that. So let me pray for us and we're going to get started. Father,

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thank you so much for this night. God, thank you that you see us. You see every aspect

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of where we've been, of where we are and God, where you want to take us. So where we just

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thank you that you reveal areas for healing and every area that's needed as we continue

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to surrender the pen to you, as we continue to seek your guidance, your love, your instruction,

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your revelation. God, we thank you that you help us to see what we can't see, Lord, the

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things that are in our subconscious still that continue to trip us up or allow fear

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or anxieties to rise and to kind of run away with our minds and not only our minds, but our

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lives. So Lord, I thank you that you would bring your truth tonight. We know that your truth is

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what sets the captives free. And so we just thank you for that in advance for everyone that's going

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to get revelation, for insight, for breakthroughs, not only tonight, but in the days to come. Holy

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Spirit, we ask you to come and have your way in us, through us. We thank you for dunamis power.

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We thank you the same power that rose Jesus Christ from the dead is living in us and can

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operate us through us. And we just ask for that power to be here tonight. Even myself, Lord,

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I can't coach them without you. So Lord, I thank you for the reminder that you're the vine and

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we're the branches. So help us, Lord, to lean into what your spirit is saying in Jesus name. Amen.

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So some of y'all, if you've never heard this content, what I'm going to share tonight,

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as far as in the beginning, is from the heartwork course materials. And inside of Jackie's book,

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it might be a little bit of kind of revisiting for some of you, but it is where the Lord has

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been leading us to go for tonight's session. And so we're excited and hoping that when I open it up

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for you all to get into the heartwork seat, that I have some volunteers. So prepare yourself,

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because I need some volunteers to get into the heartwork seat tonight. And it doesn't matter

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what the question is about. If it's relationship, we can coach on that. If it's personal, job,

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finances, it doesn't matter. If there's something that comes up while I'm coaching,

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you might want to get into the heartwork seat. If you're not really sure how to overcome that thing,

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or you can't see kind of what the root of that is, and we'll get through as many people as we can

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tonight. All right. So we want to identify the fruits so that we can trace all the way to the

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root. A lot of the people that go through heartwork now, one of the things that we're doing

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a lot with them is an actual tree activation. And I can put an example of these up in the groups.

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The men can do this too. Women, men, it can be very simple. It doesn't have to be super artistic.

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Everybody likes to do it differently, but we literally start to

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identify what are the roots, what are the root things happening in our lives and how do we

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identify those? Well, what's the fruit? What's the unhealthy fruit as well as healthy fruit that's

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showing up in our lives? It's good to look at both. Okay, so even before I coach tonight,

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I really want to emphasize, y'all, we have to celebrate our wins along the way.

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Because if we don't, we're just going to feel down all the time because heartwork is an ongoing

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process. Like even myself, I've been married almost three years. Heartwork is always happening.

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We're interacting with people that are unhealthy. We still have things inside of ourselves. And so

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celebrate your wins often and look at where God has brought you from. But that roots and fruits

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tree activation is really helping people be honest with themselves and really identify what's still

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not showing up healthy in my life. So our problem areas when we're looking at, okay, if you're

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looking at your life, where are you still stuck? If y'all remember one of the last advanced heart

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work, that was one of the things we were talking about. Look at where you're still stuck. Where

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are you going around the same mountain over and over and over again? Or maybe it's, you know,

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you're not intending to, but there's something subconsciously like happening that you're just

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feeling like nothing ever changes in an area. That's right there, a signal to you that there's

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heartwork that probably needs to be done in some area, whether you realize it or not. And that's

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what's keeping you stuck. These are the most unhealed wounded areas of our lives. Sometimes

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it's also those patterns in our minds of, as we've been talking about that in the group, Jackie did

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a path session a couple of weeks ago. If you haven't heard the replay of that, ladies and gentlemen,

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both it's in your courses tab, and then it's inside the path sessions. Check that out because

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she's really getting into breaking down the mindsets that are keeping a lot of us bound in

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different ways. But when we're looking at the unhealed wounds, those are the areas that

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are typically harboring fear, lies, and false narratives. So if you're feeling fear rising up

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in an area on a regular basis, or you're someone that gets triggered a lot, guess what you all,

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triggers come from all kinds of fragmentation, but a lot of the time fear is a master culprit.

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Because there's something that we're believing that's causing us to get triggered as soon as

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that situation is happening with that person. And it could be the same person over and over, or it

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could be different people, but the same problem is presenting itself over and over and over again.

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All right, these unhealed wounds, I'm going to repeat that for our note takers. I see some people

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taking notes. The unhealed wounds are the areas that are harboring the fears, lies, and false

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narratives. And those are the things that are creating havoc in our lives. Because these fears,

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lies, and false narratives, they don't stay as babies, if you will. They mature over time. So

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one of the sessions I've done before, I talked about how when, let's say situation number one

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happens, and we're wounded here and we don't heal in this area. Well, then when the next thing

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happens that feels, sounds like, or looks similar, guess what? When that doesn't heal,

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that's another wounding that's very similar. So that wall, if you will, starts to grow stronger.

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We'll now add a third one, if you can imagine, along to that. And each time those things are

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not healed, that wall gets thicker. And that's where the strongholds, you know, that the Bible

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talks about. That's how that stuff is formed in our lives. It's that habitual not dealing with

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a problem and those wounds stay unhealed, unhealed, unhealed. And it becomes kind of callous, fortified,

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if you will, and stronger and harder for us to overcome it. So we want to look at what, again,

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what is the, what's an area where you're just like, man, this is just something I have a hard time

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breaking free of in my mind. You know, some of you all even, and it's a real thing. Some of you

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feel barren. You feel like you can't even attract someone to date a person. Well, there's something

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going on underneath the surface that is not only in the physical realm that's manifesting,

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but what in us is causing us to feel barren. What in us is causing us to partner with that

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lie that we can't produce life in an area. God created us to produce life

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in all different kinds of ways. And so we have to look underneath the surface because we,

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we do care about every struggle that all of you all have in this community, but we have to be

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willing to look at what's going on still underneath the surface. And it doesn't always mean that

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you're doing something wrong. It means that there's brokenness and things that still need healing.

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Okay. All right. We're going to keep going. So you want to look at the areas that are manifesting,

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even immaturity in your emotions. Like we all have areas. I don't know if you all ever felt

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like this. I'm, I'm in my high forties now, almost birthday and a month from now. I can't

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believe it. But, you know, I remember in my low forties, even feeling like, man, I feel so not

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40 years old in this area, just, you know, like different things because of family dynamics and

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struggles I grew up with over the years, feeling like, man, I didn't really have a chance to grow

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as a teenager, the way I should have in this area, or even in my twenties or thirties,

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whatever that dynamic is. So I don't know if anyone else relates to that, maybe you're even

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older than that. And you're just feeling like, man, I, I should be further along in this area.

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I should feel more mature or grown up in this area. And I just want you to know, like at some

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point we've all been there. The best thing that I did is I just prayed. I prayed and asked God to

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help me grow and mature in wisdom and understanding and revelation in those areas and to heal. And all

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of those things combined brought forth more life. And so when we have these immature areas, these

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broken areas that are creating this havoc, we have our, our emotions are manifesting. And a lot

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of times, not only is it fear that's manifesting, but over and over we hear shame, guilt, condemnation,

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unworthiness. These are powerful emotions that can begin to lead to all types of painful behaviors

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that we're going to call problems. So I want to see in the room, who has a problem in your life

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right now? Just go ahead and raise your hand. Anyone have a problem in your life right now?

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All right. So I'm not alone. We all have things that we're facing, but in all reality, some of you,

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man, it might feel like that problem is unmovable. Like you can't move it. It feels like you just

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can't get past it. And underneath of that problem for some of you are all of these painful behaviors

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that I've been kind of sharing and talking about. And so we want to look at the problem,

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but here's the thing we want to, I'm going to go ahead and lower hand so I can see you all again.

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Thanks for joining in on that. We don't want to just look at what we think is the problem

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because often what we think is the problem isn't actually really the problem.

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Y'all have heard Jackie talk about that a lot. And so look at the problem. I encourage you,

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if you have a piece of paper, write the problem down that you rose your hand for,

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because I'm sure that's one of the things the Lord wants to help you work on tonight.

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And if you have more than one, that's fine. Write them down and keep those so that you can kind of

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process as the week goes on. But remember that the problem typically isn't the problem.

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Here are some examples of problems that are stated frequently in the community. And there's

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so many more, but I just put a couple down tonight. I have anxiety. I hate my job. I can't

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find a good man. No one chooses me. God blesses everyone else but me. Okay. Those are a couple

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that I'm hearing often. Again, there's no shame, guilt, or condemnation as I'm mentioning these.

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You know, a lot of people are feeling this stuff, but I'm just saying it out loud so

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that you can understand that those things are actually not your problem.

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So maybe your problem is something different, but there's something else underneath the surface that

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is really the problem. These things that I mentioned, these examples, and potentially

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even the problems that you wrote down, these are just symptoms of what's really the problem.

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So we're seeing the symptom on the surface. So what we're dealing with in the physical realm,

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that is the symptom. But underneath the surface, I keep thinking of subcutaneous. Y'all, I'm not a

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medical person, but for whatever reason, I keep hearing that in my spirit. But that's kind of,

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you know, I think, isn't it underneath the layers of the skin? I don't know, the tissue. Y'all can

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tell me what it is, but I keep hearing it, so I'm just going to speak it out. So some of you,

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it's down in those kind of deeper layers that you can't see stuff. And so we have to really ask the

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Lord, okay, I don't want to just deal with the symptoms. Lord, help me to get to the fruit. Let

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me see the fruit. What's the unhealthy fruit that's being presented? So that why we can get to the

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because the fruit, what we see in the world, what we see in our daily lives, you know, I'm going to

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go through some of these fruits so that you can start to identify this stuff. But that's going

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to help you start to get to the root of the matter. Okay, and I'm going to break this down more and

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more as

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as we go, but I'm just trying to lay some groundwork here.

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Fruits are the emotional or physical manifestations

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and the subsequent actions that we have been taking

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as a result of what we believe in our hearts.

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Okay, so the emotional and physical manifestation

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and the subsequent actions.

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So the things that we're doing

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as a result of the emotions that we have

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and the physical manifestation, again,

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is something that's presenting.

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It might be a pattern,

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and then we're taking action on those things.

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Again, I mentioned those triggers.

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Here are some fruits, and there could be so much more,

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and I am gonna give you all a long list.

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This is from the book.

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I felt led to read all of these to you because, again,

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I want you to have some things that you're relating to

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so that we can process and break free from those together.

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Okay, so here are a list of some of the fruits.

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Now, these are unhealthy fruits, okay?

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I'm not gonna go into the positive fruits tonight

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because we're trying to help you heal,

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so I gotta focus on the things that are unhealthy.

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All right, fruits may include sickness,

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self-pity, a victim mentality,

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despair, not sadness.

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And a lot of times we'll pause on this one

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because despair for me,

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and you all might have a different understanding

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or a way that you would describe this to people,

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but it is that deep, deep grief

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that people feel like they can't get out from under, okay?

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Despair is way deeper than sadness.

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So someone that feels deep grief on a regular basis,

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that's a spirit of despair coming against you,

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but that's typically rooted in, again,

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something underneath the surface that needs healing.

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All right, I'm gonna keep going.

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Suicidal tendencies, disgust, judgment.

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If you have a problem with judging other people,

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it's because you have a fragmented heart.

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A judgmental heart is a hurting heart.

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Keep going.

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Obesity, perversion, addiction of any kind,

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any kind of addictions you all,

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sexual dysfunction, hopelessness, hatred, self-hatred.

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Remember that all forms of hatred begin with self-hatred.

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So you can't hate somebody else

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if we don't first hate ourselves.

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And so we need to be willing to look at that.

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If we're feeling hatred towards people,

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there's something in us that needs healing.

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Even if, and I'm gonna say this

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because I just heard the Lord say,

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even if someone hurt us,

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that doesn't give us that kind of place to stand on

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that we are justified in our hatred towards them.

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We got to come out of all of that kind of stuff.

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Additional fruits that are unhealthy,

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abrasiveness, short temper, irritability,

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jealousy, envy, competitiveness, comparing.

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So are you struggling with comparing yourself

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to other people?

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Y'all I know, again, I just call things out

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cause I know it's hard.

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We hear this all the time.

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Even with love stories, we have some people

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that just are like, I can't come to love story

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cause it just hurts me too bad

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to hear how someone else is succeeding

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or has gotten to marriage.

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I don't want to not acknowledge the pain that you all feel.

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Okay, because when you're waiting for the promise

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or you're walking towards the promise for yourself

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and it's not there yet.

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Yeah, I felt things too.

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I remember when one of my good friends,

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she was getting married before I was,

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and that was hard.

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And I had to look at the jealousy

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that was going on in my own heart.

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I had to be willing to like,

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well, what was the lie I was believing

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that was feeding the jealousy?

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Well, what it was is I was actually afraid

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that I wasn't gonna have the same thing happen for me.

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So we have people that are struggling

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with comparing themselves.

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When the posts go up and people are celebrating

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their engagement or getting married,

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that some of you are pulling away.

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Let's be willing to look at that.

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God doesn't want you to pull away from community.

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He wants to minister to you in the pain that you feel

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and help you not stay there,

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but move beyond that into a place of healing

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and truth and life.

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All right, I'm gonna keep going.

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Gossiping, backstabbing, being unhappy,

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ungratefulness, selfishness, having a poverty mentality,

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habitually being negative.

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So do you have a propensity for negativity?

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Is that your go-to?

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If so, that isn't the way that God wants you to be.

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He wants you to come out of that

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into a different heart, posture, and mindset.

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And I will say this too.

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Retraining your brain takes work.

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It takes intentionality.

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So it's not gonna be a just,

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hey, have a positive mind for one day.

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We're not, any of these things as I go through this tonight,

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we're not talking about

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short-term behavior modification at all.

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We want internal heart healing

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that leads to long-term lasting change.

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I have a couple more of the unhealthy fruits.

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Maybe you're unfaithful.

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Do you give your word to something?

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not follow through?

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Are you unfaithful in relationships?

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Is there lack of trust with people with you?

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In any way, maybe unfaithful even with money.

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If unfaithfulness is showing up in any area of your life,

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we need to be willing to look at that, any form of dis.

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So disease, disconnection, discontent, disappointment.

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If you have any of those things,

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those are signals that you have a broken heart.

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Does it mean we like, oh, I feel disappointment in one day

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and that just means I have a broken heart?

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Well, I don't know.

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What's underneath of the disappointment?

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Because I think a lot of times we dismiss this stuff.

293
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Well, it's normal to feel disappointed.

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Well, yeah, it probably does.

295
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But do you stay disappointed?

296
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Do you live in disappointment?

297
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In a heart posture of disappointment

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and these discontents and disconnection

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and all of those things,

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we have to be willing to look at all of this stuff

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under the surface.

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So what we often believe is the problem

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is just the fruit of the real problem.

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If we really want these areas of our lives

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to become healthy and abundant,

306
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remember, we wanna live the abundant life,

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the good, good life, not just the good life,

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but we believe that God in this community

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wants to give all of you the good, good, abundant life

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that you would have, you know, be filled up to overflowing,

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that the goodness of God,

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we talked about this on the women's prayer call

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this morning, that the goodness of God,

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that you would experience that

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in the land of the living in every area of your life,

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not just your love story, but every area of your life.

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So we have to pull out these things at the root.

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So when we look at the problems,

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remember, we're gonna try to identify the lies

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that are connected to them.

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And then we're gonna try to get to the root of the problem.

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The root of the problem is typically the first time

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we encountered these dynamics and situations

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and began to partner with them because we believed a lie.

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From there, how do we locate the lie?

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Well, we locate and isolate the lie, we believe,

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when we see the core behavior.

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So what's the core behavior?

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Remember, we need the help of the Holy Spirit.

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This isn't get out your shovels, ladies and gentlemen,

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and try to dig it up again.

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This is, hey, Holy Spirit, Lord, I need your help.

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Help me to see what I can't see.

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This is something I still pray all the time.

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If there's something that I'm seeing

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surfacing on a regular basis,

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whether it's a mindset that's popping up in my head

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or like I'm feeling upset quick or anything,

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I'm trying to like, okay, Lord, show me what I can't see

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because this thing that happened today,

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that was, that reaction that I had,

342
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that was bigger than I think it needed to be.

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Does that make sense, everyone?

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All right, Romans chapter seven, verse 15 and 19.

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This is where Paul,

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it's probably a familiar scripture for all of you.

347
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I'm not reading the whole thing, just verse 15 and 19.

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He says, I do not understand what I do.

349
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For what I want to do, I do not do.

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But what I hate, I do.

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Verse 19, for I do not do the good I want to do,

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but the evil I do not want to do.

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This I keep on doing.

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So I wanted to share those scriptures

355
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because I want you all to see and be reminded

356
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that Paul, who was used for mighty works,

357
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he did great things for the Lord.

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Even he struggled at times to do the things

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that he didn't even want to do.

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And so I don't want any of you to feel alone

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or like, you know, that you're not good enough

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or any of those things.

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And if the enemy is saying any of that to you

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and that's stuff that you believe,

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then those are also areas where that's a revealing

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for healing that's happening.

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A lack of hope in our lives is another way

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that we can identify a place where we are believing lies.

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So as you all know, when you go through the heart work,

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we have a supernatural hope session.

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We try to help you do the hope scale and identify,

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you know, where is your hope low?

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Well, some of you, it's been a while

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since you went through the heart work.

375
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You may want to go back and revisit that hope scale

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and take that afresh.

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And let's take a look at, okay,

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where is your hope scale at now?

379
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Where are you low in hope?

380
00:24:10.160 --> 00:24:12.040
Where are you high in hope?

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You know, what's going on underneath the surface there?

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If you don't believe anything will ever change,

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if you have any area of your life

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where you believe something will never change,

385
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that means you've believed and accepted a lie.

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So someone mentioned recently on one of our calls,

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you know, the struggle when, you know,

388
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they invited someone to come to something for their son

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and nobody came.

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And she, that broke her heart because, you know,

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she didn't want her son to feel pain that she felt

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when they didn't come for her to things too.

393
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And y'all see this as a generational thing now,

394
00:24:52.980 --> 00:24:55.260
but the enemy's trying to get her to believe a lie

395
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that people aren't gonna show up for her in life.

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00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.120
but we have to choose to not partner with okay, maybe those people didn't show up,

397
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but who might God want to place in our lives today, now going forward, that will show up for us?

398
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But we have to make the shift, not just physically, but in our minds and our hearts first.

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Does that make sense? All right. All right. So these are some of the hope-filled statements.

400
00:25:24.800 --> 00:25:28.240
I wanted to give you some of these examples, and we're about to get ready for the heartwork

401
00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:32.640
seats. So if anyone wants to go ahead and jump in that in a few minutes, go ahead and start to

402
00:25:32.640 --> 00:25:39.280
raise your hands for me. All right. So these are some hope-filled statements that are often said

403
00:25:39.280 --> 00:25:45.200
when we are lacking hope or we believe something will never change. Nothing good can ever happen

404
00:25:45.200 --> 00:25:50.640
to me. I will never get married. I will always be broke. Maybe you're not saying I will always be

405
00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:56.320
broke, but I will always struggle with money or whatever. Maybe I will always struggle with my

406
00:25:56.320 --> 00:26:00.480
mom or I'll always struggle with my daughter. If y'all are having issues with kids, you know,

407
00:26:00.480 --> 00:26:04.080
we just have to be careful about these always and never statements that are being made.

408
00:26:05.360 --> 00:26:08.880
I am never going to be out of the pain for my health problems.

409
00:26:10.080 --> 00:26:13.920
For some of you, you've struggled with health problems a really long time,

410
00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:21.280
and I can't imagine what that's been like, but the enemy is trying to get you to partner with

411
00:26:22.160 --> 00:26:28.720
that it's never going to change. And so I just want to encourage you to be really careful and

412
00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:33.200
and do everything that you can, even if it means you just you not only yourself guard your heart

413
00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:38.160
and mind, but get a really strong support system with people that you can have praying for you on

414
00:26:38.800 --> 00:26:44.720
like a regular basis, an accountability team, if you will, so that you have people just like

415
00:26:45.120 --> 00:26:50.960
when Moses's arms were being raised by Aaron, and I think it was her, correct me if I'm wrong,

416
00:26:50.960 --> 00:26:54.480
I'm totally fine with that, but you know, they were raising his arms and when they were raising

417
00:26:54.480 --> 00:26:59.760
his arms, he was winning the battle, they were winning the battle. And every time that they

418
00:26:59.760 --> 00:27:04.400
would lower his arms, they wouldn't win the battle. So sometimes it takes other people to

419
00:27:04.400 --> 00:27:09.360
be on our team with us to help us overcome those things. So if you have no hope for change or worse,

420
00:27:09.520 --> 00:27:16.240
you see no need for change, because that's the other thing. How many of us stay in certain

421
00:27:16.240 --> 00:27:24.480
like heart patterns, thought patterns, attitudes, and we just don't even see that we need to change.

422
00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:29.920
There's an obstacle that's blocking you from being able to receive what God wants to give you

423
00:27:29.920 --> 00:27:35.840
in that area of your life. And so I'm going to go ahead and open it up. Maddie, I saw your hand

424
00:27:36.000 --> 00:27:42.640
up first. So if you want to share with us just a little bit about try to keep them short, brief,

425
00:27:42.640 --> 00:27:47.760
and powerful you all so we can get as many people that want to go as possible. But tell us a little

426
00:27:47.760 --> 00:27:54.720
bit about what is going on, and we'll try to unpack it from there. Hi, Bethany, thanks for

427
00:27:54.720 --> 00:28:04.080
letting me get in the seat. I'm being very vulnerable here. Thank you. I've noticed in

428
00:28:04.080 --> 00:28:15.360
the last few months since starting the heart work, I'm an excessive collector. And I jokingly say a

429
00:28:15.360 --> 00:28:24.880
hoarder like the TV show hoarders. Now my friends and family don't say I'm not like that. But I

430
00:28:24.880 --> 00:28:31.920
think that I'm like that, that I excessively feel like I won't have enough, don't have enough. And

431
00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:39.360
it came to a head today, last day of school, cleaning up my classroom and noticing,

432
00:28:41.680 --> 00:28:49.200
wow, I have a lot of extra of this laying around. I have a lot of extra of this laying around.

433
00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:56.960
Why do I collect all these things? And the same with my eating disorders. I always feel like

434
00:28:57.680 --> 00:29:06.480
I will never have enough. It's kind of like a scarcity mentality. Can I call it that?

435
00:29:07.440 --> 00:29:12.080
Yeah, I think it started somewhere that could be connected to that. Let me ask you some questions

436
00:29:12.080 --> 00:29:16.400
first. When is the first time that you remember starting to collect things a lot?

437
00:29:16.400 --> 00:29:31.920
I've been married once. I started in that marriage. I started hoarding things.

438
00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:34.880
Was there something happening at the time when you started doing that?

439
00:29:37.760 --> 00:29:40.080
Emotional, physical, spiritual abuse.

440
00:29:40.720 --> 00:29:45.200
Okay. Did either one of your parents do the same thing when you were younger?

441
00:29:47.600 --> 00:29:49.840
No, exact opposite.

442
00:29:50.480 --> 00:29:54.800
Okay. So tell me what that was like growing up. Tell me what exact opposite means to you.

443
00:29:58.560 --> 00:29:59.440
We don't know.

444
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.920
Didn't buy things, we had the bare minimum.

445
00:30:06.240 --> 00:30:09.300
So were you afraid as a kid that you wouldn't have enough?

446
00:30:09.300 --> 00:30:11.520
Did you ever not be able to eat food

447
00:30:11.520 --> 00:30:12.880
or did you ever have times

448
00:30:12.880 --> 00:30:15.040
where you didn't have something you needed?

449
00:30:18.600 --> 00:30:21.240
There was a lot of jealousy of friends.

450
00:30:21.240 --> 00:30:25.440
They had the good things and the cool things

451
00:30:25.440 --> 00:30:28.840
and the nice things that my brothers and I didn't have.

452
00:30:30.840 --> 00:30:32.360
Okay.

453
00:30:32.360 --> 00:30:34.200
And when you were married

454
00:30:34.200 --> 00:30:36.560
and you were going through the emotional abuse

455
00:30:36.560 --> 00:30:38.920
and the other abuses that you mentioned,

456
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:43.560
what were some of the lies you were believing at that time

457
00:30:43.560 --> 00:30:46.800
that led you to start buying things excessively?

458
00:30:48.800 --> 00:30:53.800
Thinking that it would be enough.

459
00:30:55.760 --> 00:30:58.360
And that was also the comparison

460
00:30:58.360 --> 00:31:00.240
from my husband at the time,

461
00:31:00.240 --> 00:31:02.800
well, so-and-so has this,

462
00:31:02.800 --> 00:31:05.240
or have you thought about this?

463
00:31:05.240 --> 00:31:09.400
And then it just became a buying pattern of,

464
00:31:09.400 --> 00:31:12.900
okay, if I buy this, it'll make him happy.

465
00:31:14.400 --> 00:31:15.600
Okay.

466
00:31:15.600 --> 00:31:16.440
All right.

467
00:31:16.440 --> 00:31:19.480
So I keep hearing filling the void,

468
00:31:19.480 --> 00:31:22.200
which I know that probably sounds like so simplistic,

469
00:31:22.200 --> 00:31:27.200
but it sounds like in a time of distress,

470
00:31:27.480 --> 00:31:31.200
you were starting to try to fill the void,

471
00:31:31.200 --> 00:31:34.120
the void that wasn't being met in the relationship.

472
00:31:34.120 --> 00:31:37.640
And I believe it triggered things from when you were a kid.

473
00:31:37.640 --> 00:31:39.520
So while you all,

474
00:31:39.520 --> 00:31:42.480
like you said, you had the bare minimum as a kid,

475
00:31:42.480 --> 00:31:44.040
well, a lot of times when we go through

476
00:31:44.040 --> 00:31:45.440
that kind of stress as a kid,

477
00:31:45.440 --> 00:31:48.160
it can kind of flip and be opposite,

478
00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:50.480
where then we're just always buying, buying, buying

479
00:31:50.480 --> 00:31:54.880
so that we don't ever have to fear not having enough.

480
00:31:54.880 --> 00:31:56.560
Does that make sense?

481
00:31:56.640 --> 00:31:57.720
Right.

482
00:31:57.720 --> 00:31:58.560
Okay.

483
00:31:58.560 --> 00:32:02.680
So I just want to encourage you like to start tracking this.

484
00:32:02.680 --> 00:32:07.160
Like when you feel led to buy something that you don't need,

485
00:32:08.240 --> 00:32:11.160
that you will start tracking that and pay attention.

486
00:32:11.160 --> 00:32:12.960
Okay, am I feeling stress?

487
00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:15.640
Is this a habit that I'm just following through on

488
00:32:15.640 --> 00:32:18.040
right now, or is there a lie I'm believing

489
00:32:18.040 --> 00:32:19.880
that's leading me to purchase?

490
00:32:20.760 --> 00:32:22.480
Because it might just be a habit now

491
00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:24.560
that you've been doing it so long.

492
00:32:24.560 --> 00:32:27.240
And so we just need to retrain that habit potentially.

493
00:32:27.240 --> 00:32:29.960
But if this is something you're doing

494
00:32:29.960 --> 00:32:32.920
when you're feeling sad or lonely

495
00:32:32.920 --> 00:32:35.920
to fill that void of loneliness,

496
00:32:35.920 --> 00:32:38.880
then that's another connector to the same thing

497
00:32:38.880 --> 00:32:40.960
that you potentially were experiencing

498
00:32:40.960 --> 00:32:42.360
in the marriage before.

499
00:32:44.080 --> 00:32:44.920
Okay.

500
00:32:45.840 --> 00:32:46.680
All right.

501
00:32:46.680 --> 00:32:48.720
So I want you just for the next,

502
00:32:48.720 --> 00:32:51.320
even try for two weeks just to track

503
00:32:51.320 --> 00:32:53.720
when those urges to buy come up.

504
00:32:54.560 --> 00:32:57.320
And track what has been going on that day.

505
00:32:57.320 --> 00:32:58.240
How are you feeling?

506
00:32:58.240 --> 00:33:00.040
And then come in and put a post

507
00:33:00.040 --> 00:33:01.520
preferably in the Facebook group.

508
00:33:01.520 --> 00:33:03.400
I tend to see those easier and quicker

509
00:33:03.400 --> 00:33:04.720
if you can do it in there.

510
00:33:07.600 --> 00:33:08.440
Okay.

511
00:33:08.440 --> 00:33:10.920
Yeah, and you can just tag me in it and I'll see it.

512
00:33:13.200 --> 00:33:15.440
And then we'll probably unpack it more from there.

513
00:33:15.440 --> 00:33:17.400
Cause I feel like this will be a little bit revealing

514
00:33:17.400 --> 00:33:20.960
to you as you're tracking when that's showing up for you.

515
00:33:22.200 --> 00:33:24.200
Okay, very good.

516
00:33:24.240 --> 00:33:25.960
Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable.

517
00:33:25.960 --> 00:33:27.120
Thank you.

518
00:33:27.120 --> 00:33:28.000
You're welcome.

519
00:33:28.000 --> 00:33:29.880
Stephanie, go ahead.

520
00:33:30.920 --> 00:33:32.200
Yeah, thanks for sharing.

521
00:33:33.480 --> 00:33:36.880
Okay, so I have just been noticing

522
00:33:36.880 --> 00:33:41.640
like this fear of what other people think,

523
00:33:41.640 --> 00:33:43.040
fear of criticism.

524
00:33:44.760 --> 00:33:46.720
And I know it's been a thing for a long time.

525
00:33:46.720 --> 00:33:49.360
And I feel like I've gotten to the place

526
00:33:49.360 --> 00:33:52.280
where I'm not letting it hold me back.

527
00:33:52.280 --> 00:33:54.760
Like God has been calling me to do things

528
00:33:54.760 --> 00:33:56.880
that are like out of my comfort zone

529
00:33:56.880 --> 00:33:58.200
and I'm able to do them.

530
00:33:58.200 --> 00:34:00.480
But then I feel like there's like all this backlash

531
00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:04.640
of like anxiety and just like going back

532
00:34:04.640 --> 00:34:08.320
through the conversation or,

533
00:34:08.320 --> 00:34:12.480
and I'm pretty sure I know where it comes from.

534
00:34:13.880 --> 00:34:17.639
Like growing up, I feel like my mom was pretty critical

535
00:34:18.639 --> 00:34:21.480
and like this lie that like people don't like me,

536
00:34:21.480 --> 00:34:22.560
like I know that comes up.

537
00:34:22.560 --> 00:34:24.199
And so I've been trying to like,

538
00:34:25.520 --> 00:34:27.199
you know, rebuke that and all that,

539
00:34:27.199 --> 00:34:29.679
but it just, I feel like I just,

540
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:32.320
I'm having trouble getting to the root

541
00:34:32.320 --> 00:34:35.520
and I'm noticing it like on the apps,

542
00:34:35.520 --> 00:34:38.960
if I see someone who I'm interested in,

543
00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:41.560
like sometimes, well, not sometimes,

544
00:34:41.560 --> 00:34:43.800
a lot of times I'll like talk myself out of it

545
00:34:43.800 --> 00:34:46.679
and be like, oh, this person wouldn't be interested in me

546
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:48.199
or...

547
00:34:49.080 --> 00:34:50.600
So basically sidelining yourself

548
00:34:50.600 --> 00:34:52.480
before you even got in the game there.

549
00:34:52.480 --> 00:34:53.440
Yes.

550
00:34:53.440 --> 00:34:54.280
Okay.

551
00:34:55.360 --> 00:34:57.880
Okay, so I know you're saying

552
00:34:57.880 --> 00:34:59.760
that you're not sure the root of it,

553
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.260
people don't like me feels like a core to me.

554
00:35:03.260 --> 00:35:06.140
Like even though the thing with your mom seems significant,

555
00:35:06.140 --> 00:35:09.560
like, do you remember at all, like when the first time,

556
00:35:09.560 --> 00:35:10.660
like even as a kid,

557
00:35:10.660 --> 00:35:13.980
do you remember when you've like felt that lie

558
00:35:13.980 --> 00:35:15.580
or felt that experience of like,

559
00:35:15.580 --> 00:35:17.160
oh my gosh, they don't like me?

560
00:35:19.140 --> 00:35:22.820
I do remember at some point feeling

561
00:35:22.820 --> 00:35:24.660
like my mom didn't like me.

562
00:35:24.920 --> 00:35:29.640
Um, other than that, like,

563
00:35:29.640 --> 00:35:33.600
I don't know if I've, I felt like other people didn't.

564
00:35:33.600 --> 00:35:35.120
Okay.

565
00:35:35.120 --> 00:35:36.680
That's good.

566
00:35:36.680 --> 00:35:37.960
So when you're put,

567
00:35:37.960 --> 00:35:40.120
when you're sidelining yourself then with these guys,

568
00:35:40.120 --> 00:35:42.920
like what is your first thought

569
00:35:42.920 --> 00:35:44.320
that they would never pick you?

570
00:35:44.320 --> 00:35:47.760
Like what's going on in your mind when that happens?

571
00:35:47.760 --> 00:35:50.420
Yeah. Like almost this, like I'm not good enough.

572
00:35:52.520 --> 00:35:53.400
Yeah. Like they,

573
00:35:53.400 --> 00:35:58.060
they wouldn't choose me or like,

574
00:35:58.060 --> 00:36:00.140
maybe once they get to know me, they would,

575
00:36:00.140 --> 00:36:02.820
but like initially they won't,

576
00:36:02.820 --> 00:36:07.820
or I don't have enough to offer or something like that.

577
00:36:08.180 --> 00:36:10.060
Yeah. That's, that's okay.

578
00:36:10.060 --> 00:36:13.420
So I think since you're saying really, I mean,

579
00:36:13.420 --> 00:36:16.200
the root seems to be starting with mom

580
00:36:16.200 --> 00:36:19.020
and mom not thinking you're enough.

581
00:36:19.020 --> 00:36:21.060
You were feeling like mom didn't like you.

582
00:36:21.060 --> 00:36:22.740
And now that's still translating through

583
00:36:22.800 --> 00:36:25.280
when you're showing up, when you're saying you're,

584
00:36:25.280 --> 00:36:28.000
you know, doing your best to get out of your comfort zone

585
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:29.820
and then you feel backlash of anxiety.

586
00:36:29.820 --> 00:36:32.440
Is it with a certain group of people,

587
00:36:32.440 --> 00:36:34.200
a certain gender of person,

588
00:36:34.200 --> 00:36:37.040
or does that just show up typically with everyone

589
00:36:37.040 --> 00:36:39.000
when you step out of your comfort zone?

590
00:36:40.460 --> 00:36:43.520
Yeah. I think it's just generally with everyone.

591
00:36:43.520 --> 00:36:46.160
Like, yeah, it could be coworkers.

592
00:36:46.160 --> 00:36:50.820
It could be new friends or acquaintances.

593
00:36:51.800 --> 00:36:54.840
It's like, I've gotten to the place where I can

594
00:36:55.720 --> 00:36:59.000
feel confident and be bold and do it.

595
00:36:59.000 --> 00:37:01.700
And then it's like afterwards, it's like all the.

596
00:37:02.800 --> 00:37:05.080
Have you ever done this silhouette activation?

597
00:37:05.080 --> 00:37:07.760
I think I mentioned it on the last advanced heart work.

598
00:37:07.760 --> 00:37:10.520
I gave that to someone else to do.

599
00:37:10.520 --> 00:37:11.880
Okay.

600
00:37:11.880 --> 00:37:13.200
I've really started.

601
00:37:13.200 --> 00:37:15.520
We've kind of mentioned it in heart work in the past,

602
00:37:15.520 --> 00:37:18.600
but we do it in a whole different way now.

603
00:37:18.620 --> 00:37:21.340
So basically, and this can be for anybody else on here,

604
00:37:21.340 --> 00:37:23.220
if this is resonating for you.

605
00:37:23.220 --> 00:37:25.640
And the reason I'm going to mention this to you, Stephanie,

606
00:37:25.640 --> 00:37:28.500
is I feel like there's core identity that needs healing,

607
00:37:28.500 --> 00:37:31.420
like core inner identity stuff.

608
00:37:31.420 --> 00:37:34.680
So knowing who you are in Christ in such a way

609
00:37:34.680 --> 00:37:36.980
that it would supersede any lie of the enemy

610
00:37:36.980 --> 00:37:41.080
that came through your mom or anyone else.

611
00:37:41.080 --> 00:37:45.120
Because knowing your value and knowing what you offer,

612
00:37:45.120 --> 00:37:46.900
I mean, the little bit I know of you,

613
00:37:46.900 --> 00:37:48.860
I think you're pretty incredible.

614
00:37:48.860 --> 00:37:52.380
And any man would be really blessed to have you in his life

615
00:37:52.380 --> 00:37:54.220
and have you be his wife.

616
00:37:54.220 --> 00:37:56.220
And so the trick though,

617
00:37:56.220 --> 00:37:58.620
is that you don't believe that right now.

618
00:37:58.620 --> 00:38:01.300
And so that's pointing to a value issue.

619
00:38:01.300 --> 00:38:04.780
You don't believe your value and worth is what it is.

620
00:38:05.620 --> 00:38:08.300
And so we have to go back to,

621
00:38:08.300 --> 00:38:10.900
okay, Lord, help me to see what I can't see

622
00:38:10.900 --> 00:38:11.940
regarding my value.

623
00:38:11.940 --> 00:38:15.700
Like why do I sell myself short

624
00:38:16.900 --> 00:38:18.980
and count myself out before I even like

625
00:38:18.980 --> 00:38:20.180
try to talk to this guy?

626
00:38:20.180 --> 00:38:21.100
Because you know what?

627
00:38:21.100 --> 00:38:22.540
Some of those guys might be like

628
00:38:22.540 --> 00:38:24.500
super excited to talk to you,

629
00:38:24.500 --> 00:38:25.900
but you're just not giving them a chance

630
00:38:25.900 --> 00:38:27.420
because you're telling yourself,

631
00:38:27.420 --> 00:38:29.400
again, that subconscious lies coming up,

632
00:38:29.400 --> 00:38:33.340
saying, hey, no, he's not going to pick you.

633
00:38:33.340 --> 00:38:36.780
But this is, excuse me, this is the silhouette activation.

634
00:38:37.660 --> 00:38:40.220
I ask people to draw kind of like a silhouette outline.

635
00:38:40.220 --> 00:38:41.580
It doesn't have to be super artsy,

636
00:38:41.580 --> 00:38:43.440
but literally of themselves.

637
00:38:43.440 --> 00:38:45.520
We've had people do it in creative ways too.

638
00:38:45.560 --> 00:38:47.560
So some people do it just with, you know,

639
00:38:47.560 --> 00:38:49.120
computer, a picture of themselves.

640
00:38:49.120 --> 00:38:50.480
You can do it however you want,

641
00:38:50.480 --> 00:38:53.220
whatever helps you just to get it done.

642
00:38:53.220 --> 00:38:54.720
But this is what you would do.

643
00:38:55.640 --> 00:38:57.400
You're going to ask the Lord

644
00:38:57.400 --> 00:39:00.240
to show you what he says about you.

645
00:39:00.240 --> 00:39:02.660
Like, what does God want to tell you today

646
00:39:02.660 --> 00:39:04.280
about who you are?

647
00:39:04.280 --> 00:39:07.240
And then write down any words, phrases,

648
00:39:08.560 --> 00:39:11.940
thoughts that come to you if they are positive.

649
00:39:12.940 --> 00:39:16.260
If they are negative, they don't go on there.

650
00:39:16.260 --> 00:39:18.520
Those go on another sheet of paper,

651
00:39:19.540 --> 00:39:23.100
and you'll write out the negative thought

652
00:39:23.100 --> 00:39:25.020
or phrase or whatever it is,

653
00:39:25.020 --> 00:39:27.260
and you'll cross that out and ask the Lord

654
00:39:27.260 --> 00:39:30.100
to give you the truth to replace the lie.

655
00:39:30.100 --> 00:39:32.820
And sometimes you might have to do that a couple times

656
00:39:32.820 --> 00:39:37.740
because you might hear multiple negative things, okay?

657
00:39:37.740 --> 00:39:41.460
But only positive things go on that silhouette activation.

658
00:39:42.500 --> 00:39:45.580
And it's really like, who does God say I am?

659
00:39:45.580 --> 00:39:47.860
Like, God, who do you say that I am?

660
00:39:48.820 --> 00:39:50.700
You know, who does God say you are

661
00:39:50.700 --> 00:39:53.040
when I would even go to this level, Stephanie?

662
00:39:53.040 --> 00:39:55.940
God, who do you say I am when I get on the dating apps?

663
00:39:55.940 --> 00:39:58.220
Like, help me to see what you see.

664
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.640
so that you can go to that extra layer of hearing what he thinks about you

665
00:40:06.640 --> 00:40:10.300
and the blessing that he thinks that you

666
00:40:10.300 --> 00:40:15.000
are to whoever has an opportunity to get to know you. Does that make sense?

667
00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:17.880
Then I'd love, if you're willing, post that in the group.

668
00:40:17.880 --> 00:40:19.620
Anybody I give homework to,

669
00:40:19.620 --> 00:40:20.980
post that in the group.

670
00:40:20.980 --> 00:40:22.940
Again, if you put it in the Facebook group,

671
00:40:22.940 --> 00:40:26.420
it's just easier for me to see the notifications in there versus our app.

672
00:40:26.420 --> 00:40:29.060
It takes me a little longer to see them in there.

673
00:40:29.060 --> 00:40:30.620
Thank you so much.

674
00:40:30.620 --> 00:40:34.300
You're welcome. Thank you for sharing. Sophie, go ahead.

675
00:40:36.660 --> 00:40:41.980
Hey, Bethany. Thanks for letting me take a turn.

676
00:40:41.980 --> 00:40:43.300
Yeah, absolutely.

677
00:40:43.300 --> 00:40:48.500
I feel like what I've been experiencing is,

678
00:40:48.500 --> 00:40:50.620
there you are, I'm trying to find you.

679
00:40:50.620 --> 00:40:56.100
Whenever I date and I get pressure,

680
00:40:56.100 --> 00:41:04.820
I freak out and I have a hard time communicating my truth.

681
00:41:04.820 --> 00:41:10.500
I find that I do that with my children as well.

682
00:41:10.500 --> 00:41:14.740
I really struggle disappointing them.

683
00:41:15.460 --> 00:41:20.020
But I can't say with the last conversation that you just had,

684
00:41:20.020 --> 00:41:25.620
I feel like that core identity just resonated with me.

685
00:41:26.620 --> 00:41:27.940
Yeah.

686
00:41:27.940 --> 00:41:29.420
You want to go back and revisit that.

687
00:41:29.420 --> 00:41:32.660
I know that you did that activation when you came through HeartWork.

688
00:41:32.660 --> 00:41:35.260
I vaguely remember when you came through as far as,

689
00:41:35.260 --> 00:41:37.980
I think you definitely did one,

690
00:41:37.980 --> 00:41:40.620
but you may want to go back and revisit that and put that up.

691
00:41:40.620 --> 00:41:42.460
But it wouldn't hurt to,

692
00:41:42.460 --> 00:41:43.540
even if you did it before,

693
00:41:43.540 --> 00:41:45.260
to do it fresh if you need to.

694
00:41:45.260 --> 00:41:47.060
But one of the other things,

695
00:41:47.060 --> 00:41:49.100
when you were saying that,

696
00:41:49.100 --> 00:41:52.780
I want you to tell me what are your truths?

697
00:41:52.780 --> 00:41:55.100
Tell me a couple of those.

698
00:41:55.620 --> 00:42:00.540
Well, my truths are that I want to meet somebody that's faith-based,

699
00:42:00.540 --> 00:42:02.260
that honors God,

700
00:42:02.260 --> 00:42:06.740
and me also.

701
00:42:06.740 --> 00:42:10.780
I feel like probably one of the feelings

702
00:42:10.780 --> 00:42:15.180
are that that's going to be impossible to find,

703
00:42:15.180 --> 00:42:17.140
somebody that's actually that selfless,

704
00:42:17.140 --> 00:42:20.900
that really feels that way.

705
00:42:20.900 --> 00:42:23.620
Kind of back to,

706
00:42:23.620 --> 00:42:25.180
let me look at which one.

707
00:42:25.180 --> 00:42:27.820
I can't find a good man.

708
00:42:27.820 --> 00:42:35.660
Yeah. That's going to listen to me and acknowledge what my needs are.

709
00:42:35.660 --> 00:42:36.700
Okay.

710
00:42:36.700 --> 00:42:40.540
I keep running into that where they want more,

711
00:42:40.540 --> 00:42:43.060
they want to move a lot faster.

712
00:42:44.540 --> 00:42:48.180
Maybe it's just you haven't found them yet.

713
00:42:48.180 --> 00:42:51.100
Maybe, but I get very anxious.

714
00:42:51.100 --> 00:42:52.940
If I get any pressure like that,

715
00:42:52.940 --> 00:42:59.260
I get very nervous and maybe that is just a thing.

716
00:42:59.260 --> 00:43:02.140
Yeah. I think it's just you need to solidify more.

717
00:43:02.140 --> 00:43:03.820
When you say you get pressure,

718
00:43:03.820 --> 00:43:06.220
tell me what that means to you.

719
00:43:06.220 --> 00:43:08.580
If somebody just starts saying,

720
00:43:08.580 --> 00:43:10.620
oh yeah, I want to get together,

721
00:43:10.620 --> 00:43:18.980
I want to see you all weekend, every weekend.

722
00:43:18.980 --> 00:43:20.820
We're going to spend all this time together.

723
00:43:20.820 --> 00:43:26.100
I get pretty nervous because that's not going to work for me

724
00:43:26.100 --> 00:43:32.940
unless we have a pretty commitment with one another.

725
00:43:32.940 --> 00:43:34.860
I'm sorry, my dogs are barking.

726
00:43:34.860 --> 00:43:36.220
That's okay.

727
00:43:36.220 --> 00:43:43.580
But anyway, I get very nervous about it.

728
00:43:43.580 --> 00:43:47.980
Tell me with your kids because you brought your kids into that too.

729
00:43:47.980 --> 00:43:51.460
You said you have a hard time communicating your truth to your kids.

730
00:43:51.460 --> 00:43:54.300
What does that look like and sound like with your kids?

731
00:43:54.300 --> 00:44:00.060
Okay. I guess a good example would be my daughter is living here right now.

732
00:44:00.060 --> 00:44:01.180
She just got married.

733
00:44:01.180 --> 00:44:05.180
They are pregnant or she's pregnant and they're going to have a baby.

734
00:44:05.180 --> 00:44:08.100
They moved from another state back home,

735
00:44:08.100 --> 00:44:12.100
so they're with me for a little while and I wanted to help them out.

736
00:44:12.100 --> 00:44:15.100
But I don't have a lot of space,

737
00:44:15.100 --> 00:44:21.620
so I was thinking about maybe finishing the basement.

738
00:44:21.620 --> 00:44:27.740
I got a quote and it's too much money.

739
00:44:27.740 --> 00:44:33.780
I felt really bad that I would have to disappoint them and say no.

740
00:44:33.820 --> 00:44:36.340
I don't want to see her.

741
00:44:36.340 --> 00:44:41.380
It's almost like this belief that they can't handle their own pain.

742
00:44:41.380 --> 00:44:50.300
That probably is something that is definitely a belief that I've had since I was young,

743
00:44:50.300 --> 00:45:00.980
because my parents were deaf and they left all the really heavy responsibilities on us.

744
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.960
Um, so do you feel like, cause even with the guys, when you were explaining that I wrote

745
00:45:05.960 --> 00:45:12.320
down the word boundaries, I think, and even what you're saying with regarding your daughter,

746
00:45:12.320 --> 00:45:17.280
it sounds like, you know, there's boundaries that need to be set there, you know?

747
00:45:17.280 --> 00:45:21.600
And at the core, now you're starting to share some of the things with your parents.

748
00:45:21.600 --> 00:45:27.400
It makes sense that that is something that you struggle with because as a young kid or

749
00:45:27.400 --> 00:45:34.640
young teen or whenever that was happening, um, maybe boundaries were crossed, um, and

750
00:45:34.640 --> 00:45:40.280
responsibility was potentially put on you that was beyond your age.

751
00:45:40.280 --> 00:45:46.960
And so when that happens, a lot of times people as adults will struggle to define what boundaries

752
00:45:46.960 --> 00:45:51.000
are, or even if they do, they will feel very guilty for doing so.

753
00:45:51.000 --> 00:45:55.560
You know, the fact that you said, I don't want to disappoint them.

754
00:45:55.560 --> 00:46:01.200
Like that's a key word right there that that's a signal saying, okay, there's some heart

755
00:46:01.200 --> 00:46:09.200
healing that needs to happen here too, because you know, maybe defining, even redefining

756
00:46:09.200 --> 00:46:12.720
with your daughter, what does healthy look like in our relationship?

757
00:46:12.720 --> 00:46:17.240
You know, while you're living here, you know, what's the goal moving forward?

758
00:46:17.240 --> 00:46:22.000
You know, because I think so many times, so many parents and you know, I know even my

759
00:46:22.000 --> 00:46:26.400
heart, if my girls asked me, we would let them live here, but we've even talked about,

760
00:46:26.400 --> 00:46:28.880
well, what would the boundaries be if that ever happened?

761
00:46:28.880 --> 00:46:35.080
Because we want to establish those before they move in, you know, so just knowing that

762
00:46:35.080 --> 00:46:39.280
you're struggling in those areas, you may want to go back and kind of revisit the boundaries

763
00:46:39.280 --> 00:46:48.280
and do some more, uh, boundaries work specifically where your voice, uh, you realize that it

764
00:46:48.280 --> 00:46:49.760
matters.

765
00:46:49.760 --> 00:46:55.200
And even if someone gets disappointed, if you will, that it's okay for that tension

766
00:46:55.200 --> 00:47:01.120
in that, that, that feeling to be there, it doesn't mean you don't love them and it shouldn't

767
00:47:01.120 --> 00:47:03.040
mean that they don't love you.

768
00:47:03.040 --> 00:47:05.840
It's just, you're stating what is healthy for you.

769
00:47:05.840 --> 00:47:08.280
Does that make sense?

770
00:47:08.280 --> 00:47:09.280
Yeah.

771
00:47:09.280 --> 00:47:13.280
I think just giving yourself permission to look at, okay, where over the years have you

772
00:47:13.280 --> 00:47:18.840
taken responsibility on yourself that, that you're not, that you're not meant to carry.

773
00:47:18.840 --> 00:47:24.000
And then with these guys, I think the biggest thing is just practicing boundary setting,

774
00:47:24.000 --> 00:47:29.840
especially with what you've explained to me, it's like a muscle you have to develop, you

775
00:47:29.840 --> 00:47:30.840
know?

776
00:47:30.840 --> 00:47:34.960
And so it's okay for you to say to a guy, even if he's wanting to come all weekend and

777
00:47:34.960 --> 00:47:37.360
you're just getting to know him, Hey, you know what?

778
00:47:37.360 --> 00:47:42.440
I would really enjoy getting to know you on Saturday from this time to this time.

779
00:47:42.600 --> 00:47:43.840
You don't have to turn him down.

780
00:47:43.840 --> 00:47:48.280
You don't have to say, come out and be like, no, but you can say what your boundary is.

781
00:47:48.280 --> 00:47:53.040
And if he keeps pushing and pushing on that, then, Hey, that's a flag.

782
00:47:53.040 --> 00:47:54.040
Yeah.

783
00:47:54.040 --> 00:47:59.200
But you practicing saying what you're comfortable with is going to be really important right

784
00:47:59.200 --> 00:48:00.200
now.

785
00:48:00.200 --> 00:48:01.200
Yeah.

786
00:48:01.200 --> 00:48:06.320
That makes a lot of sense to just look at those boundaries because the boundaries, keeping

787
00:48:06.320 --> 00:48:10.960
boundaries was such a fearful thing to do growing up.

788
00:48:10.960 --> 00:48:13.200
So I will do that.

789
00:48:13.200 --> 00:48:15.200
I will practice that.

790
00:48:15.200 --> 00:48:18.440
Thank you for letting me process that out.

791
00:48:18.440 --> 00:48:19.440
You're welcome.

792
00:48:19.440 --> 00:48:20.600
Y'all, this is really important.

793
00:48:20.600 --> 00:48:25.240
It's always helpful when someone else can just talk us through something, right.

794
00:48:25.240 --> 00:48:29.400
And we can have somebody else's perspective and, and kind of even connecting dots that

795
00:48:29.400 --> 00:48:30.920
maybe we don't see yet.

796
00:48:30.920 --> 00:48:34.760
So Sophie, thank you for sharing with us and being willing to do that.

797
00:48:34.760 --> 00:48:40.920
I asked really quick, do you, it's not like I have to sit there and trying to find a lot

798
00:48:41.880 --> 00:48:43.880
This is more working on the boundaries.

799
00:48:44.760 --> 00:48:49.400
I think the lie would be connected to the responsibility you took on yourself as a kid.

800
00:48:50.840 --> 00:48:51.160
Okay.

801
00:48:52.120 --> 00:48:52.440
Yeah.

802
00:48:52.440 --> 00:48:56.840
I do think there's some lies probably lying under the surface there regarding all of that.

803
00:48:56.840 --> 00:49:02.520
And because of those lies that you believed or received back then, even though there might

804
00:49:02.520 --> 00:49:07.560
not have been a way out of that situation, it's the trauma and the wounds that we experience

805
00:49:07.560 --> 00:49:09.960
when we're going through that, that those lies come in.

806
00:49:11.160 --> 00:49:11.400
Okay.

807
00:49:11.960 --> 00:49:17.000
So a lie could look like, or sound like, I'm just going to, I don't know for you, but like,

808
00:49:17.800 --> 00:49:23.080
I just know from people I've coached in that situation, they feel like their life doesn't

809
00:49:23.080 --> 00:49:25.800
matter or their voice doesn't matter.

810
00:49:26.520 --> 00:49:29.000
And those lies feed into other lies.

811
00:49:31.080 --> 00:49:35.560
And those, that kind of filters all the way into the boundary issues and all of that.

812
00:49:36.120 --> 00:49:36.440
Okay.

813
00:49:36.440 --> 00:49:40.600
So just working on the boundaries will flush that out.

814
00:49:42.280 --> 00:49:42.920
It could.

815
00:49:42.920 --> 00:49:44.040
I'm not saying it will.

816
00:49:44.040 --> 00:49:49.160
I think you need to look at that, the core stuff with your parents, that maybe where

817
00:49:49.160 --> 00:49:53.160
you're still carrying responsibility, because it sounds like you're carrying responsibility

818
00:49:53.160 --> 00:49:58.120
on yourself regarding your daughter and her happiness and her not being disappointed,

819
00:49:58.120 --> 00:49:59.880
like worrying about her feelings.

820
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.320
past a level that might be healthy for you.

821
00:50:04.320 --> 00:50:05.320
Okay.

822
00:50:05.320 --> 00:50:06.320
Does that make sense?

823
00:50:06.320 --> 00:50:07.320
Yes.

824
00:50:07.320 --> 00:50:08.320
Yep.

825
00:50:08.320 --> 00:50:09.320
Okay.

826
00:50:09.320 --> 00:50:10.320
Thank you.

827
00:50:10.320 --> 00:50:11.320
You're welcome.

828
00:50:11.320 --> 00:50:12.320
Margaret, go ahead.

829
00:50:12.320 --> 00:50:13.320
Thanks, Bethany.

830
00:50:13.320 --> 00:50:16.320
So, can you guys hear me?

831
00:50:16.320 --> 00:50:17.320
Yep.

832
00:50:17.320 --> 00:50:18.320
Okay.

833
00:50:18.320 --> 00:50:27.120
So, kind of in alignment with what Stephanie was saying, but something that you said kind

834
00:50:27.120 --> 00:50:34.560
of hit me, and that's why I raised my hand, no one will come.

835
00:50:34.560 --> 00:50:36.200
No one will show up.

836
00:50:36.200 --> 00:50:43.360
I have been doing a lot of really intense, deep hard work as far as my identity, and

837
00:50:43.360 --> 00:50:46.280
there is something...

838
00:50:46.280 --> 00:50:50.560
It must be super freaking deep, because I feel like I have peeled layers and layers

839
00:50:50.560 --> 00:50:52.680
and layers.

840
00:50:52.680 --> 00:50:54.920
But the thing that...

841
00:50:54.920 --> 00:51:02.440
It's keeping me from being able to step out with my business and invite people, do these

842
00:51:02.440 --> 00:51:09.640
little mini retreat type things that I want to do, to actually announce that my business

843
00:51:09.640 --> 00:51:10.640
has started.

844
00:51:10.640 --> 00:51:11.840
I haven't done it.

845
00:51:11.840 --> 00:51:17.560
I keep procrastinating all these different things, and so I'm not stepping out into the

846
00:51:17.560 --> 00:51:20.480
thing that I know that the Lord is calling me to do.

847
00:51:20.480 --> 00:51:23.840
And so, I don't know what the lie is.

848
00:51:23.840 --> 00:51:28.400
I don't have a memory that I recall where people didn't show up.

849
00:51:28.400 --> 00:51:33.720
The only thing that I could think of that came to mind as you were sharing with Stephanie

850
00:51:33.720 --> 00:51:42.360
was field day, when I was a little girl, not getting any ribbons, because I sucked at everything.

851
00:51:42.360 --> 00:51:44.240
I couldn't do it all.

852
00:51:44.240 --> 00:51:49.800
And my mom pretty much hated my guts from birth, so I don't really know.

853
00:51:50.320 --> 00:51:51.720
I felt like I've worked through that.

854
00:51:51.720 --> 00:51:52.880
I felt like I've forgiven her.

855
00:51:52.880 --> 00:51:55.480
I've walked through a lot of identity stuff, so I don't know.

856
00:51:55.480 --> 00:51:58.640
I don't know where it stems from, but I just...

857
00:51:58.640 --> 00:51:59.640
Yeah.

858
00:51:59.640 --> 00:52:01.920
Do you feel like you show up for yourself?

859
00:52:01.920 --> 00:52:06.200
You're saying that...

860
00:52:06.200 --> 00:52:10.360
Can you define what that means?

861
00:52:10.360 --> 00:52:12.800
Well, you're saying...

862
00:52:12.800 --> 00:52:19.840
So, for example, one of the things the Lord has shown me in the last year is that a lot

863
00:52:19.840 --> 00:52:26.040
of times I will do things for everyone else, for other people, but my things get put on

864
00:52:26.040 --> 00:52:27.040
the back burner.

865
00:52:27.040 --> 00:52:28.600
I lost you on my screen.

866
00:52:28.600 --> 00:52:29.600
Okay, I got it.

867
00:52:29.600 --> 00:52:30.600
I found you.

868
00:52:30.600 --> 00:52:34.520
And so, when we're putting ourselves off, we're putting off the things that God is leading

869
00:52:34.520 --> 00:52:39.520
us to do, and we're taking care of other needs, or all these other things are taking up our

870
00:52:39.520 --> 00:52:46.920
time, or our space, or our mind, and procrastination, if you remember, is a self-preservation technique.

871
00:52:46.920 --> 00:52:53.360
We do that to self-preserve, so what is it that we're self-preserving ourselves from?

872
00:52:53.360 --> 00:52:55.040
Well, what if...

873
00:52:55.040 --> 00:52:58.800
I was thinking when I said to you, do you show up for yourself?

874
00:52:58.800 --> 00:53:03.280
Because you said, no one will come, no one will show up for me, or no one will show up,

875
00:53:03.280 --> 00:53:04.280
and you're saying...

876
00:53:04.280 --> 00:53:05.280
Yeah, there's a fear there.

877
00:53:05.280 --> 00:53:06.280
Yeah.

878
00:53:06.280 --> 00:53:07.280
But inside of you...

879
00:53:07.280 --> 00:53:08.280
Yeah, the fear is there.

880
00:53:08.400 --> 00:53:15.840
Yeah, inside of yourself, are you fully showing up for yourself, and saying like, hey, I can

881
00:53:15.840 --> 00:53:20.600
do this, no matter if anybody else thinks I can do this, I'm going to walk this out,

882
00:53:20.600 --> 00:53:27.400
and I'm going to see this through, and taking the steps to begin it.

883
00:53:27.400 --> 00:53:32.800
So to me, looking at the lies that you might be believing that are causing you from moving

884
00:53:32.800 --> 00:53:39.440
forward might also lead to revealing ways that you struggle to show up for yourself.

885
00:53:39.440 --> 00:53:44.280
So for example, if you start to move forward and all of a sudden you feel tension and pain

886
00:53:44.280 --> 00:53:50.000
because you have to change something that you're doing to go where God is leading you

887
00:53:50.000 --> 00:53:56.080
to go, so maybe it's time and space that you got to make for that thing, maybe it's a discipline,

888
00:53:56.080 --> 00:53:58.320
maybe it's whatever, something.

889
00:53:59.040 --> 00:54:03.240
But if that tension starts to happen and we feel that pressure and we pull away from that

890
00:54:03.240 --> 00:54:08.360
and procrastinate instead, well, what's the lie we're believing when we pull away from

891
00:54:08.360 --> 00:54:09.360
that tension?

892
00:54:09.360 --> 00:54:11.360
Do you understand?

893
00:54:11.360 --> 00:54:13.360
Yeah, I do.

894
00:54:13.360 --> 00:54:22.440
I feel like from my perspective, I'm taking steps in some areas.

895
00:54:22.440 --> 00:54:27.200
I'm stepping out, I'm doing things, I'm being authentic, I'm being real.

896
00:54:27.200 --> 00:54:29.960
I feel like I'm showing up for myself.

897
00:54:29.960 --> 00:54:35.600
But at the same time, when you ask that question, something, I don't know if Holy Spirit kind

898
00:54:35.600 --> 00:54:44.400
of poked me a little bit, because I think that my home is on the back burner.

899
00:54:44.400 --> 00:54:45.800
What does that mean for you?

900
00:54:45.800 --> 00:54:50.800
The stuff around my home, everything seems to be falling apart around me, like in my

901
00:54:50.800 --> 00:54:59.760
home, like organization, order, structure, some sort of form of maybe discipline.

902
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:10.320
disciplined structure, calendar. I have two things that I do consistently. Everything else just is

903
00:55:10.320 --> 00:55:19.680
willy-nilly. Okay. So maybe getting to the root of that even. So when I hear that, I also think of

904
00:55:19.680 --> 00:55:25.440
like, when's the first time where, you know, sometimes people will say, well, that's just

905
00:55:25.440 --> 00:55:30.720
how I am. You know, like some people will just say, well, that's just my personality. And sometimes

906
00:55:30.720 --> 00:55:35.840
that can be true, but sometimes that can also be a crutch for us to not clean our homes or not

907
00:55:35.840 --> 00:55:42.720
organize or not, you know, show up on time or whatever the thing is that we struggle with.

908
00:55:42.720 --> 00:55:48.960
And so we really need to look at, okay, well, is that really just how we are? Or is that a learned

909
00:55:48.960 --> 00:55:55.520
behavior that actually is a symptom of something that, you know, is under the surface? Like, when

910
00:55:55.520 --> 00:56:01.280
did we start being willy-nilly? Kind of, that was your verbiage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I hear you.

911
00:56:01.280 --> 00:56:07.120
I hear you. If I go back in time, I look at my childhood when my dad and my mom separated,

912
00:56:07.120 --> 00:56:12.800
I mean, divorced. It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me because I had

913
00:56:12.800 --> 00:56:19.200
some freedom. But when I would go to my dad's for a week and come back to the house, my room was

914
00:56:19.200 --> 00:56:23.440
completely turned into a hotel room. All of my stuffed animals, everything was pulled off the

915
00:56:23.440 --> 00:56:29.200
off the walls, thrown into the closet. So my room looked like a hotel room. I had to put my posters

916
00:56:29.200 --> 00:56:34.720
back up, get all my stuffies out of the closet, put everything together because I couldn't because

917
00:56:34.720 --> 00:56:41.120
I think my mom had OCD. I realized that after the fact, but in a time I didn't understand.

918
00:56:41.120 --> 00:56:48.560
I just felt like she just, nothing I did was right. So I realized that I do like structure. I

919
00:56:48.560 --> 00:56:53.440
do like order. I like things organized and structured. If you looked at my drawers, when you

920
00:56:53.440 --> 00:56:58.640
pull my drawers, the drawers open, everything's organized. But outside of those drawers, for some

921
00:56:58.640 --> 00:57:04.560
reason, you know, where it's not hidden, it's absolute chaos. So I don't know like, you know,

922
00:57:04.560 --> 00:57:10.720
what that means. I don't even know what that means. So I think what we can do is just, you just

923
00:57:10.720 --> 00:57:18.000
got to keep praying into it. I know that's not an easy answer. And asking the Lord to reveal like,

924
00:57:19.440 --> 00:57:27.280
what is leading you to avoid organizing your space? You know, because it sounds to me,

925
00:57:27.280 --> 00:57:35.600
I even hear you right now saying, I like structure, I like order, but yet you're allowing yourself to

926
00:57:35.920 --> 00:57:41.680
almost ignore it from what you're saying. And then that's weighing on you in other areas.

927
00:57:41.680 --> 00:57:49.360
And so it kind of feels like it kind of feels almost like in your face, almost like I like,

928
00:57:49.360 --> 00:57:55.360
want to like, like, spite my mom or something, even though she's passed away. It's like this

929
00:57:55.360 --> 00:58:01.120
weird, like, I can have my space anyway. I want to have my freaking space, you know,

930
00:58:01.120 --> 00:58:04.560
kind of thing. Like, I don't know. I feel like that might be something going on there.

931
00:58:05.280 --> 00:58:09.280
I definitely think because as soon as you started telling the story about your mom,

932
00:58:09.280 --> 00:58:14.880
and how like, you would be gone at visiting your dad, and then you'd come home and all your stuff

933
00:58:14.880 --> 00:58:20.720
was no longer where it was. I mean, that's definitely when a control like for on your

934
00:58:20.720 --> 00:58:26.560
side of things, trying to regain control would come back in. And, you know, again, these are

935
00:58:26.560 --> 00:58:31.200
things that when we don't deal with them, because we probably don't even know how when we're kids,

936
00:58:31.200 --> 00:58:37.120
most of us, because we don't have the brain or emotional capacity to do so. I mean, that would

937
00:58:37.120 --> 00:58:41.600
be really hurtful, right? When we come home and mom has, you know, and who knows what's going on

938
00:58:41.600 --> 00:58:48.320
with mom. I remember the first time when my dad got remarried, I came home, my mom was just like,

939
00:58:48.320 --> 00:58:54.720
and again, rightfully so broken and hurt, but she took it out on us kids. And, and it was just a

940
00:58:54.720 --> 00:58:59.200
horrible day. But I remember at one point looking out and seeing her sitting out under these trees,

941
00:58:59.200 --> 00:59:06.960
just crying. And I just remember how hard that was for me. And I knew how hurt she was, but I

942
00:59:06.960 --> 00:59:12.400
didn't know what to do with that. And I didn't have any other adults there to help me process

943
00:59:12.400 --> 00:59:19.200
that. And so that was something that I struggled with for quite some time. And so I would say,

944
00:59:19.200 --> 00:59:24.000
yes, even though you've done a lot of work, Margaret, and healing, I would just be asking

945
00:59:24.000 --> 00:59:28.880
the Lord this week about that situation with your mom, you may need to forgive your mom for doing

946
00:59:28.880 --> 00:59:35.360
that. Again, even if you already have, it sounds like this is coming up again. But also I feel like,

947
00:59:36.400 --> 00:59:45.280
even if you just write out on a piece of paper, I, Margaret, like structure, I, Margaret, like order,

948
00:59:45.280 --> 00:59:52.320
and I can organize my home. Like, I know that sounds simple, but where you see it in every day,

949
00:59:52.320 --> 00:59:56.400
not just see it, but like one thing a day, just one little thing a day,

950
00:59:57.440 --> 00:59:59.920
try to organize something. Or if that's too

951
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.400
much than a couple times a week where you're just taking little bites instead of avoiding.

952
01:00:06.640 --> 01:00:12.080
And really you all, I mean, I like this is like heartwork stuff combined with other action,

953
01:00:12.080 --> 01:00:18.320
but the reality is, is we partner with God and we go, we take action and we start doing,

954
01:00:18.320 --> 01:00:22.720
it's the same thing to move towards our spirit mate. Waiting isn't sitting there literally

955
01:00:22.720 --> 01:00:27.440
waiting for God to put them in our laps. It's actively preparing and doing things.

956
01:00:27.440 --> 01:00:31.760
Same thing in these kinds of situations and dynamics in our lives. Margaret, that was so

957
01:00:31.760 --> 01:00:36.880
great. I'm going to go ahead and go on to the next person. But come back and let us know how that's

958
01:00:36.880 --> 01:00:42.000
going after you're kind of trying to put that in practice and pray into that a little bit more.

959
01:00:42.000 --> 01:00:52.800
Thank you so much. Anya, go ahead. Hey. Hi. So I've been

960
01:00:53.200 --> 01:01:00.320
kind of just dealing with some stuff with work. So I'm in full-time ministry, but it's interesting

961
01:01:00.320 --> 01:01:05.680
because when I had posted in the group a few weeks back or whatever about a different issue

962
01:01:05.680 --> 01:01:12.160
and you had recommended revisiting the soul ties. So I was able to do that earlier this week

963
01:01:12.160 --> 01:01:19.600
or last week, anyway. And what's interesting is that I, when Jackie was listed different

964
01:01:20.240 --> 01:01:26.400
things you can be tied to that the community one actually really stood out to me this time. So

965
01:01:26.400 --> 01:01:30.800
I think there was some revealing for healing with the thing that I'd posted about, but also

966
01:01:32.720 --> 01:01:37.440
it felt like another piece of what the Lord's been kind of speaking to me. And I'm just kind of

967
01:01:38.480 --> 01:01:44.320
trying to navigate it all. I've been feeling like there needs to be a shift for quite a while

968
01:01:45.200 --> 01:01:53.120
in regards to what I do, not leaving ministry as a whole. Like I still really feel like that's my

969
01:01:53.120 --> 01:02:03.280
calling, but I'm just really exhausted. And it's been a lot of like what I first came to that

970
01:02:03.280 --> 01:02:10.640
ministry to do is not what I'm doing. And primarily I'm doing a lot of administrative work.

971
01:02:11.600 --> 01:02:17.120
I've kind of come to terms with that over the last couple of years where I, instead of fighting it so

972
01:02:17.120 --> 01:02:21.360
hard, I'm like, you know what? The reality is it's actually a spiritual gift that I do have. So it's

973
01:02:21.360 --> 01:02:28.320
a legitimate thing that is helping to serve the ministry, but it's not the thing that makes my

974
01:02:28.320 --> 01:02:33.280
heart come alive. And I think there's probably a lot more layers. We've been through some pretty

975
01:02:33.360 --> 01:02:40.240
big things, a couple of big things in our ministry that kind of created upheaval and

976
01:02:42.080 --> 01:02:47.040
trauma and having to walk through all of that. But when Jackie was doing all of the teachings

977
01:02:47.040 --> 01:02:53.120
on pruning and we did the activation call specifically, I heard work. And so I've just

978
01:02:53.120 --> 01:02:59.920
been trying to like pray through all of that and figure out what that means, whether that's

979
01:03:00.480 --> 01:03:09.040
within my role, like pruning some of the things or if that's like fully done or if it's partly done.

980
01:03:10.800 --> 01:03:17.680
Let me ask you a question. Tell us, what does make your heart come alive? Tell us what that is.

981
01:03:20.320 --> 01:03:24.640
What's interesting is I feel like that's been harder to answer in these last couple of years.

982
01:03:24.880 --> 01:03:30.320
It's been a while since, it's not that there's not things at times, but it's been a while.

983
01:03:30.960 --> 01:03:36.240
So even in the past, what's something that really like you felt that connection

984
01:03:36.240 --> 01:03:41.680
and just alive and vibrant? Well, that would be worship leading for sure for me,

985
01:03:41.680 --> 01:03:45.920
singing, playing, just singing to Jesus, but getting the lead people in it.

986
01:03:46.480 --> 01:03:53.200
Um, yeah, that would be in terms of ministry, that would be like the thing.

987
01:03:54.560 --> 01:04:00.880
I've just found that I haven't had a lot of life and joy even in that over the last few years. So

988
01:04:00.880 --> 01:04:04.400
in doing ministry, you haven't had as much joy either. Is that what you're saying?

989
01:04:05.440 --> 01:04:10.480
Yeah, there's sometimes, but it's not like even sometimes leading worship. Now I'm just like,

990
01:04:10.560 --> 01:04:17.920
I think I'm just so tired that. Yeah, that's okay. So let me, let me ask you this.

991
01:04:17.920 --> 01:04:22.160
What if you gave yourself permission just to take a break and do something else for a little while?

992
01:04:24.080 --> 01:04:29.440
I, yeah, I just am like, I don't know. I don't feel like I know how to do that. Like it,

993
01:04:31.040 --> 01:04:39.840
um, I literally moved my whole life here. Feeling like this is what I was called to. And so it's,

994
01:04:39.840 --> 01:04:45.920
yeah, it's just like, what would I do? You know? Yeah. But tell me this, like,

995
01:04:46.720 --> 01:04:52.160
and I'm just, cause I can sense some emotion coming up for you. And this may not be true,

996
01:04:52.160 --> 01:04:56.560
but I just feel led to ask you, do you feel like you would be letting God down if you just

997
01:04:56.560 --> 01:04:59.760
didn't do that for a little while?

998
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:10.000
Like what's feeding the emotional, like that fear of changing what you're doing?

999
01:05:10.000 --> 01:05:14.000
The unknown, I think more than anything.

1000
01:05:14.000 --> 01:05:20.000
Oh, fear, basically, underneath of the unknown?

1001
01:05:20.000 --> 01:05:21.000
Yeah.

1002
01:05:21.000 --> 01:05:22.000
Okay.

1003
01:05:22.000 --> 01:05:26.960
So what if you gave yourself permission to even just create, it doesn't have to be as

1004
01:05:26.960 --> 01:05:30.840
elaborate as the vision boards that we did at the beginning of the year, but just do

1005
01:05:30.840 --> 01:05:37.600
a vision board around like, what would your ideal job look like and feel like and allow

1006
01:05:37.600 --> 01:05:41.560
your, because it sounds like you don't, like you've kind of numbed.

1007
01:05:41.560 --> 01:05:45.600
And I actually wrote down depression and I'm not saying you're depressed, but I did write

1008
01:05:45.600 --> 01:05:51.480
it down because when we are doing things that we used to love and we don't feel like we

1009
01:05:51.480 --> 01:05:57.680
love it anymore, there can be some grief potentially or depression there.

1010
01:05:57.680 --> 01:06:02.080
So I'm not speaking that over you, but I just want you to be willing to look at that.

1011
01:06:02.080 --> 01:06:07.480
That there may be some hurt that's unresolved that you went through in ministry or feeling

1012
01:06:07.480 --> 01:06:13.440
like what you really desired had to get put on the back burner for something else, what

1013
01:06:13.440 --> 01:06:14.940
else came up in my spirit.

1014
01:06:14.940 --> 01:06:21.200
So I feel like those might be kind of tied together underlying there, but also the vision

1015
01:06:21.200 --> 01:06:22.200
board.

1016
01:06:22.200 --> 01:06:28.000
Like when I say this, like, you know, it can be pictures of like something that feels alive.

1017
01:06:28.000 --> 01:06:31.080
When you look at it, you don't even have to explain it on you.

1018
01:06:31.080 --> 01:06:32.680
You don't have to describe it to anybody.

1019
01:06:32.680 --> 01:06:36.980
But if that, when you look at it and you're like, man, that makes me feel happy.

1020
01:06:36.980 --> 01:06:42.760
That makes me feel, you know, alive or whatever the word is descriptor for you, that you would

1021
01:06:42.760 --> 01:06:47.480
put that on the board and you would start to like, kind of define a little bit.

1022
01:06:47.480 --> 01:06:53.760
Like what would that feel like in the future for you to have something that you really,

1023
01:06:53.760 --> 01:07:01.560
you know, like, Hey, this is what I believe that I would love to do now in the meantime.

1024
01:07:01.560 --> 01:07:05.520
Sometimes even just being in ministry and leading ministers outside of last year, single

1025
01:07:05.520 --> 01:07:09.040
my husband and I, you know, pastor church here in Florida.

1026
01:07:09.040 --> 01:07:13.360
One of the things that I have found of the years of being in ministry is that sometimes

1027
01:07:13.360 --> 01:07:18.360
people get burnout and they need a break.

1028
01:07:18.360 --> 01:07:22.880
And taking that break from ministry is the best thing that they've ever done.

1029
01:07:22.880 --> 01:07:29.440
Because it gave them time to recharge, recalibrate is a word that comes to mind and really recenter

1030
01:07:29.440 --> 01:07:32.880
and like, Hey, like, well, guess what?

1031
01:07:32.880 --> 01:07:37.440
Like the season that I was in before and what God called me to doesn't mean that has to

1032
01:07:37.440 --> 01:07:40.900
be what he's called me to my entire life.

1033
01:07:40.900 --> 01:07:45.180
And even if worship leading is what brings you deep joy and happiness.

1034
01:07:45.180 --> 01:07:49.380
You're saying that doing that right now, isn't doing that anymore.

1035
01:07:49.380 --> 01:07:52.040
And so is it just healing that needs to happen?

1036
01:07:52.040 --> 01:07:57.220
Or is there a shift that God's trying to bring you to?

1037
01:07:57.220 --> 01:08:02.460
Because he has something better for you.

1038
01:08:02.460 --> 01:08:07.180
But if I know, like, I mean, I want you to know, I understand what it's like to move

1039
01:08:07.180 --> 01:08:09.380
your life to a completely different place.

1040
01:08:09.380 --> 01:08:10.380
I've done it now.

1041
01:08:10.860 --> 01:08:12.620
I said, I wasn't going to move for my spirit mate.

1042
01:08:12.620 --> 01:08:16.140
And then I did because God led me to, and then I moved there.

1043
01:08:16.140 --> 01:08:18.660
And then two years later, God moved us to Florida.

1044
01:08:18.660 --> 01:08:20.779
I know what it feels like to move your whole life.

1045
01:08:20.779 --> 01:08:22.779
It is tricky.

1046
01:08:22.779 --> 01:08:26.920
And there's a lot of emotions and all kinds of new friends and new things.

1047
01:08:26.920 --> 01:08:28.520
But this is the thing.

1048
01:08:28.520 --> 01:08:36.100
If we can look at not what we fear, but what the good that could be.

1049
01:08:36.100 --> 01:08:42.859
A lot of times we can shift and make that decision a lot easier versus, oh my gosh,

1050
01:08:42.859 --> 01:08:43.859
I won't have this.

1051
01:08:43.859 --> 01:08:44.859
I won't have this.

1052
01:08:44.859 --> 01:08:45.859
I won't have this.

1053
01:08:45.859 --> 01:08:48.779
And, you know, then this person might be upset with me or whatever it is, again, those what

1054
01:08:48.779 --> 01:08:52.700
ifs and fears that keep us from shifting into the new thing.

1055
01:08:52.700 --> 01:08:53.700
Yeah.

1056
01:08:53.700 --> 01:08:55.060
That makes sense.

1057
01:08:55.060 --> 01:08:56.060
Yeah.

1058
01:08:56.060 --> 01:09:02.100
So I'm going to say like a shift, like, I mean, I think part of it is a spirit mate,

1059
01:09:02.100 --> 01:09:05.859
not that there's anything yet on the, but just like coming.

1060
01:09:06.620 --> 01:09:12.500
Part of that is to like trying to navigate how to move towards it, I guess.

1061
01:09:12.500 --> 01:09:13.500
Yeah.

1062
01:09:13.500 --> 01:09:14.500
Yeah.

1063
01:09:14.500 --> 01:09:15.500
And hey, guess what?

1064
01:09:15.500 --> 01:09:20.300
If God is nudging you to shift, that shift might be a part of that too.

1065
01:09:20.300 --> 01:09:25.580
And you don't have to be afraid that you're going to miss your spirit mate.

1066
01:09:25.580 --> 01:09:28.700
God's going to lead you to them.

1067
01:09:28.700 --> 01:09:34.500
So just walk and do what God's asking you to do and trust that he's going to bring you

1068
01:09:34.500 --> 01:09:38.899
and your spirit mate together in that process, whether it's during that process or after

1069
01:09:38.899 --> 01:09:43.660
the move or shift or whatever, but God knows what he's, he knows what he's doing.

1070
01:09:43.660 --> 01:09:45.180
I promise.

1071
01:09:45.180 --> 01:09:48.939
If I can surrender, all of y'all can surrender.

1072
01:09:48.939 --> 01:09:52.740
So I'm passing that tag, you're it, I pass it on to all of you.

1073
01:09:52.740 --> 01:09:56.540
And whatever that looks like, not that everybody has to move by any means, but I'm just trying

1074
01:09:56.540 --> 01:09:59.140
to be a little lighter, bring the mood up a little bit.

1075
01:09:59.140 --> 01:10:00.140
But yeah.

1076
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.440
Yeah, we look forward to hearing how that goes for you, Anya.

1077
01:10:00.140 --> 01:10:00.140


1078
01:10:03.440 --> 01:10:06.920
And we're going to be praying for you as you start to step

1079
01:10:06.920 --> 01:10:09.180
into, you know, just the next step.

1080
01:10:09.180 --> 01:10:11.840
So right now you don't have to worry about moving.

1081
01:10:12.200 --> 01:10:15.560
All I would encourage you to do right now is do that board and

1082
01:10:15.560 --> 01:10:18.960
start dreaming a little bit, pray about, is there an area that

1083
01:10:18.960 --> 01:10:23.480
I'm grieving, you know, and just be kind of knocking on the door

1084
01:10:23.480 --> 01:10:28.520
with the Lord a little bit and asking, maybe look at what area

1085
01:10:28.520 --> 01:10:29.960
would you love to live?

1086
01:10:31.080 --> 01:10:33.080
Hey, let's just consider that.

1087
01:10:34.840 --> 01:10:39.240
Because I know you're saying you feel God led you there for the

1088
01:10:39.240 --> 01:10:44.080
ministry, but maybe God in this season is saying, Hey, you get

1089
01:10:44.080 --> 01:10:45.760
to choose where you live.

1090
01:10:46.160 --> 01:10:48.560
And is there somewhere that you've always dreamed of living

1091
01:10:48.560 --> 01:10:49.600
that you don't right now?

1092
01:10:51.640 --> 01:10:52.160
Okay.

1093
01:10:53.280 --> 01:10:54.600
All right, I'm sowing seeds.

1094
01:10:55.000 --> 01:10:57.600
You don't have to pick them up, but whoever wants to can have

1095
01:10:57.600 --> 01:10:59.080
them and run with them.

1096
01:10:59.120 --> 01:11:00.120
They can be really good.

1097
01:11:00.440 --> 01:11:02.720
Thank you for sharing with us, Susan Bennett.

1098
01:11:02.720 --> 01:11:03.320
Go ahead.

1099
01:11:08.280 --> 01:11:09.160
Am I unmuted?

1100
01:11:09.520 --> 01:11:10.440
Okay, ma'am.

1101
01:11:10.480 --> 01:11:11.000
Hi there.

1102
01:11:11.320 --> 01:11:13.560
I'm not going to show, I'm not on a walk, so I'm not going to

1103
01:11:13.560 --> 01:11:14.360
show you my face.

1104
01:11:14.840 --> 01:11:15.320
Okay.

1105
01:11:15.840 --> 01:11:16.200
Okay.

1106
01:11:16.240 --> 01:11:16.640
Hi.

1107
01:11:17.400 --> 01:11:17.920
Hi.

1108
01:11:18.120 --> 01:11:19.800
Uh, all right.

1109
01:11:19.800 --> 01:11:24.800
For starters, I realized how much of a avoided attachment that I am.

1110
01:11:25.800 --> 01:11:35.840
And, um, I find it so interesting when talking to men, uh, when they

1111
01:11:35.840 --> 01:11:39.360
start doing this, hello, beautiful.

1112
01:11:40.200 --> 01:11:47.480
Um, they started using all this flowery language and I just want to

1113
01:11:47.480 --> 01:11:50.320
roll my eyes and say, stop it.

1114
01:11:51.440 --> 01:11:52.520
You don't know me.

1115
01:11:53.880 --> 01:11:54.520
Stop it.

1116
01:11:55.800 --> 01:12:02.720
And I want to, um, I really, you know, I just don't like it.

1117
01:12:02.720 --> 01:12:03.720
I want to cut and run.

1118
01:12:03.920 --> 01:12:08.040
I don't, I don't want to go through the process of helping

1119
01:12:08.040 --> 01:12:10.640
them see what they're doing.

1120
01:12:11.560 --> 01:12:15.360
Um, do you believe you're beautiful?

1121
01:12:16.560 --> 01:12:17.080
Yes.

1122
01:12:17.480 --> 01:12:17.880
Okay.

1123
01:12:17.880 --> 01:12:20.800
So can a guy see your picture and think you're beautiful?

1124
01:12:21.120 --> 01:12:23.120
Yes, but he doesn't need to text me.

1125
01:12:24.120 --> 01:12:24.600
Hello.

1126
01:12:24.600 --> 01:12:25.360
Beautiful.

1127
01:12:26.000 --> 01:12:28.000
Are you saying that's his initial text to you?

1128
01:12:28.640 --> 01:12:34.840
Um, it's been, it's been very frequent this week with a particular man.

1129
01:12:35.600 --> 01:12:36.960
And I just roll my eyes.

1130
01:12:37.880 --> 01:12:38.200
Okay.

1131
01:12:38.200 --> 01:12:43.640
Well, is that someone you just want to pass on and, and, and just move on?

1132
01:12:44.520 --> 01:12:50.000
Well, I'm, I'm, you know, we're heavily considering that, um, it's these, and I

1133
01:12:50.000 --> 01:12:56.920
had another encounter with someone like this, um, on December 28th, just, Hey,

1134
01:12:56.920 --> 01:12:57.960
you know, I love you.

1135
01:12:58.200 --> 01:13:02.000
Like, no, you don't know, but I, you, I can love you like a sister.

1136
01:13:02.360 --> 01:13:04.440
You know, I, I just love people.

1137
01:13:04.440 --> 01:13:09.000
It sounds like you're actually recognizing, um, healthy versus unhealthy.

1138
01:13:09.000 --> 01:13:10.200
I think it's totally fine.

1139
01:13:10.520 --> 01:13:14.960
And I remember, you know, some people saying that stuff to me too, in initial

1140
01:13:14.960 --> 01:13:19.560
messages, and I just didn't actually talk to them for very long.

1141
01:13:19.560 --> 01:13:23.120
I, I wanted real conversation and I was looking for that.

1142
01:13:23.160 --> 01:13:27.000
So I will say that Brian said something very nice to me.

1143
01:13:27.000 --> 01:13:31.560
He did compliment me and did tell me that I was beautiful in his first message to me.

1144
01:13:32.040 --> 01:13:35.360
And, but he also said something else that was very meaningful.

1145
01:13:35.560 --> 01:13:39.600
So I want you to be careful to not just dismiss something because someone's

1146
01:13:39.600 --> 01:13:44.240
complimenting you when they don't know you yet, because sometimes people don't

1147
01:13:44.240 --> 01:13:49.240
even know how to open the door to a conversation, but if that's the only

1148
01:13:49.240 --> 01:13:52.600
thing that they're saying over and over, and there's not a depth of conversation,

1149
01:13:52.600 --> 01:13:56.040
then yeah, maybe just allow yourself and give yourself permission to move on.

1150
01:13:56.360 --> 01:14:00.760
Um, you know, someone telling you that they love you when you don't even know them.

1151
01:14:00.800 --> 01:14:01.040
Yeah.

1152
01:14:01.040 --> 01:14:02.640
That's a, that's a lot.

1153
01:14:02.840 --> 01:14:04.080
Um, yeah, yeah.

1154
01:14:04.600 --> 01:14:11.720
But I w I would, I would maybe not go so hard on the, Hey, if they say that

1155
01:14:11.720 --> 01:14:15.160
you're beautiful when they first get to know you, that that's a bad thing.

1156
01:14:15.640 --> 01:14:21.280
Um, so just kind of have a balance there versus just being a hard line on that.

1157
01:14:22.040 --> 01:14:24.360
Well, yeah, I agree with your face to face and you're, you know,

1158
01:14:24.360 --> 01:14:25.360
they're like, Oh my gosh.

1159
01:14:25.360 --> 01:14:29.560
You know, well, face to face, he sent that to me via text.

1160
01:14:31.400 --> 01:14:38.320
I'm just saying the guy, and I'm so glad it actually, his compliment was genuine

1161
01:14:38.360 --> 01:14:43.760
and kind, and like I said, he said some other thing, like we were that developed

1162
01:14:43.760 --> 01:14:48.680
the conversation, I'm just trying to say like a hard line that if somebody says

1163
01:14:48.680 --> 01:14:52.240
that to you in a first message, that that's, that's, you don't even want to

1164
01:14:52.240 --> 01:14:56.800
talk to them, that might be too hard of a line and I would look at that.

1165
01:14:56.800 --> 01:14:59.960
Like I would look at, again, I think there's a balance there.

1166
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.640
But I would look at why does that aggravate you so much?

1167
01:15:07.040 --> 01:15:10.600
Well, I think what aggravates me is you don't know me.

1168
01:15:10.600 --> 01:15:12.480
I understand a compliment.

1169
01:15:12.480 --> 01:15:15.680
I've been complimented by just men walking down the street

1170
01:15:15.680 --> 01:15:17.840
and it's nothing creepy,

1171
01:15:17.840 --> 01:15:22.760
but I'm discerning the difference.

1172
01:15:22.760 --> 01:15:25.360
And it's just very off-putting.

1173
01:15:25.360 --> 01:15:27.800
I know a good compliment when I hear one.

1174
01:15:27.800 --> 01:15:32.040
I know a creepy one where it's way too suggestive.

1175
01:15:32.040 --> 01:15:33.400
Oh my gosh.

1176
01:15:33.400 --> 01:15:36.440
So the one thing I did write down though,

1177
01:15:36.440 --> 01:15:38.040
I think there's a difference between,

1178
01:15:38.040 --> 01:15:39.800
and I'm not saying this isn't you,

1179
01:15:39.800 --> 01:15:42.840
I'm just saying for anybody that's on here tonight,

1180
01:15:42.840 --> 01:15:44.640
I think, or that watches the replay,

1181
01:15:44.640 --> 01:15:49.640
there's a difference between getting a compliment

1182
01:15:50.160 --> 01:15:51.840
and receiving a compliment.

1183
01:15:52.680 --> 01:15:57.680
And I think so many people have their walls up.

1184
01:15:58.000 --> 01:16:01.000
And again, it sounds like some of these guys

1185
01:16:01.000 --> 01:16:02.960
might be in the unhealthy side of things.

1186
01:16:02.960 --> 01:16:04.480
So I think you're discerning well,

1187
01:16:04.480 --> 01:16:07.400
but I think that just kind of the way that you're like,

1188
01:16:07.400 --> 01:16:08.400
well, they don't know me.

1189
01:16:08.400 --> 01:16:09.360
Why would they say this?

1190
01:16:09.360 --> 01:16:11.360
I think that feels like too hard of a line.

1191
01:16:11.360 --> 01:16:14.920
And so I think we've got to be willing to really look at,

1192
01:16:14.920 --> 01:16:16.960
can we receive a compliment?

1193
01:16:16.960 --> 01:16:19.920
And if we struggle to receive a compliment genuinely,

1194
01:16:19.960 --> 01:16:23.560
where we don't think that the guy has ulterior motives,

1195
01:16:23.560 --> 01:16:26.600
then there's probably something that needs healing there.

1196
01:16:28.440 --> 01:16:29.280
Yeah.

1197
01:16:30.920 --> 01:16:31.920
All right.

1198
01:16:31.920 --> 01:16:32.760
Yeah.

1199
01:16:32.760 --> 01:16:34.040
So I would look at that a little bit,

1200
01:16:34.040 --> 01:16:37.680
just be willing to see if there's something there

1201
01:16:37.680 --> 01:16:41.200
the enemy's trying to cause frustration

1202
01:16:41.200 --> 01:16:45.840
or just maybe a generalization towards men

1203
01:16:46.880 --> 01:16:49.160
that might be kind of popping its head up there

1204
01:16:49.160 --> 01:16:51.040
with that happening.

1205
01:16:51.040 --> 01:16:52.720
Well, yeah, they definitely don't want to go

1206
01:16:52.720 --> 01:16:54.760
in that generalization of men

1207
01:16:54.760 --> 01:16:58.960
because some men are noble and honorable and yay.

1208
01:16:58.960 --> 01:16:59.800
Yes.

1209
01:16:59.800 --> 01:17:01.000
And some men are-

1210
01:17:01.000 --> 01:17:01.840
Are not.

1211
01:17:01.840 --> 01:17:04.280
Complimentary and kind,

1212
01:17:04.280 --> 01:17:06.840
and that's what they're going to lead with.

1213
01:17:06.840 --> 01:17:09.240
And so they might lead with a compliment first,

1214
01:17:09.240 --> 01:17:11.640
they might, and they might be really genuine.

1215
01:17:11.640 --> 01:17:14.240
So just make sure, again,

1216
01:17:14.240 --> 01:17:15.600
just keep your discernment hat on.

1217
01:17:15.600 --> 01:17:17.480
It sounds like you have it,

1218
01:17:17.480 --> 01:17:20.480
but just keep discerning and be open

1219
01:17:20.480 --> 01:17:24.280
to receiving a compliment when it's genuine.

1220
01:17:24.280 --> 01:17:25.120
Yeah.

1221
01:17:25.120 --> 01:17:26.160
Yes, ma'am.

1222
01:17:26.160 --> 01:17:27.200
Thank you.

1223
01:17:27.200 --> 01:17:28.240
You're welcome.

1224
01:17:28.240 --> 01:17:29.600
Hunter, go ahead.

1225
01:17:32.200 --> 01:17:34.800
Basically things are changing.

1226
01:17:34.800 --> 01:17:37.920
I told Hoppy about how am I going to approach stuff

1227
01:17:37.920 --> 01:17:38.760
right now?

1228
01:17:38.760 --> 01:17:40.760
All these years I've been trying to go out

1229
01:17:40.760 --> 01:17:43.160
and make it happen and try to think of,

1230
01:17:43.160 --> 01:17:44.360
oh, they must not like me

1231
01:17:44.360 --> 01:17:47.320
or because there's always a better guy

1232
01:17:47.880 --> 01:17:48.960
or I need to make it happen,

1233
01:17:48.960 --> 01:17:51.360
but really it's just idolizing them,

1234
01:17:51.360 --> 01:17:53.400
but really it's just, or lowering my boundaries

1235
01:17:53.400 --> 01:17:56.040
and it never happens because I stay in the church.

1236
01:17:56.040 --> 01:17:57.440
I mean, I didn't get married

1237
01:17:57.440 --> 01:17:58.960
like the rest of everybody in the church.

1238
01:17:58.960 --> 01:18:00.800
So if it's not happening, it's going to walk out,

1239
01:18:00.800 --> 01:18:02.760
but I didn't, I didn't give up.

1240
01:18:02.760 --> 01:18:06.240
So basically it's all me worshiping them,

1241
01:18:06.240 --> 01:18:08.560
but now I'm going to change this hard work,

1242
01:18:08.560 --> 01:18:11.320
but instead I'm going to,

1243
01:18:11.320 --> 01:18:14.320
I think it's going to be a matter of what would she like?

1244
01:18:14.320 --> 01:18:16.360
For example, I think you just want to approach her

1245
01:18:16.360 --> 01:18:18.040
because she wants to be in a better mood

1246
01:18:18.040 --> 01:18:21.040
rather than you just ask him questions multiple times

1247
01:18:21.040 --> 01:18:24.080
just for the sake of keeping the conversation going.

1248
01:18:24.080 --> 01:18:27.600
And also I'm just not the guy I was.

1249
01:18:27.600 --> 01:18:28.520
Yes.

1250
01:18:28.520 --> 01:18:30.760
Oh, go ahead Hunter.

1251
01:18:30.760 --> 01:18:34.120
And I was, I'm not, I'm just saying,

1252
01:18:34.120 --> 01:18:35.800
I'm not the guy I was.

1253
01:18:35.800 --> 01:18:37.720
Basically I wanted to have things my way,

1254
01:18:37.720 --> 01:18:40.080
have the relationship I wanted at young

1255
01:18:40.080 --> 01:18:44.640
and grow old together and live with, have family as well.

1256
01:18:44.640 --> 01:18:46.360
But the thing is the more I got older,

1257
01:18:46.360 --> 01:18:47.800
the more I said, it's not going to happen.

1258
01:18:47.800 --> 01:18:49.760
So I figured I don't want to be,

1259
01:18:49.760 --> 01:18:51.240
the whole point of me getting a relationship

1260
01:18:51.240 --> 01:18:53.120
is because there's something good in it for me

1261
01:18:53.120 --> 01:18:55.040
and it can fit into my lifestyle.

1262
01:18:55.040 --> 01:18:57.840
But the thing is I grew up with these,

1263
01:18:57.840 --> 01:18:59.520
it's all about when I left high school

1264
01:18:59.520 --> 01:19:02.320
and I have all these ambitions that I have

1265
01:19:02.320 --> 01:19:04.520
because it started 20 when I figured,

1266
01:19:04.520 --> 01:19:05.600
you know what, you start young,

1267
01:19:05.600 --> 01:19:07.000
now you got to make it count.

1268
01:19:07.000 --> 01:19:07.840
Now you guys-

1269
01:19:07.840 --> 01:19:09.280
Oh Hunter, sorry.

1270
01:19:09.280 --> 01:19:10.800
Let me ask you a question.

1271
01:19:10.800 --> 01:19:14.480
So when you are afraid that it's not going to happen,

1272
01:19:15.200 --> 01:19:17.920
what's feeding that fear for you?

1273
01:19:17.920 --> 01:19:18.920
Losing.

1274
01:19:18.920 --> 01:19:22.640
Basically you've lost or you didn't mount it quick enough.

1275
01:19:22.640 --> 01:19:24.400
Look at everyone, look at everyone else,

1276
01:19:24.400 --> 01:19:25.400
look how ahead they are.

1277
01:19:25.400 --> 01:19:26.960
It's like you're falling behind in the race

1278
01:19:26.960 --> 01:19:28.560
to get ahead in life.

1279
01:19:28.560 --> 01:19:31.520
Like you have to have your, be independent,

1280
01:19:31.520 --> 01:19:34.480
get a job and have your place all set

1281
01:19:34.480 --> 01:19:36.120
and even use your money wisely.

1282
01:19:36.120 --> 01:19:38.600
So, and it's something bad.

1283
01:19:38.600 --> 01:19:39.440
Yeah.

1284
01:19:39.440 --> 01:19:41.640
So what's an area that you are winning right now?

1285
01:19:41.640 --> 01:19:44.200
Tell me something that's going well for you.

1286
01:19:44.920 --> 01:19:45.760
Finances.

1287
01:19:45.760 --> 01:19:49.680
I'm able to, last year, after I came back from Israel,

1288
01:19:49.680 --> 01:19:50.680
I had a seasonal job.

1289
01:19:50.680 --> 01:19:54.160
I had to throw away money into life savings,

1290
01:19:54.160 --> 01:19:55.760
into the thousands, I'll say it.

1291
01:19:55.760 --> 01:19:57.640
But, and then after it was seasonal,

1292
01:19:57.640 --> 01:20:00.080
so I was falling back to my emergency savings.

1293
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.960
to live off of. I had unemployment but I didn't live off of unemployment. I was able to get

1294
01:20:04.960 --> 01:20:11.140
my first job without a job coach and I went to Indeed and applied for Amazon. It was my

1295
01:20:11.140 --> 01:20:17.640
first time applying all on my own with no help and I had to pass those jobs that require

1296
01:20:17.640 --> 01:20:22.640
you to pass a written test to see if you have common sense. It's basically a job that requires

1297
01:20:22.640 --> 01:20:29.360
skill and since then I was able to replenish, I was able to build skill at Amazon and put

1298
01:20:29.360 --> 01:20:35.240
money into savings. I made a goal last year that I would not just save money, I would

1299
01:20:35.240 --> 01:20:40.060
organize my savings for in case I run into a situation, checkings, and look at what happened

1300
01:20:40.060 --> 01:20:45.840
this year. Our church was going to have an overseas trip to Greece and walk in a footstep

1301
01:20:45.840 --> 01:20:49.840
to St. Paul. So I said, you know what, I'm going to go. I have money put away for it

1302
01:20:49.840 --> 01:20:55.480
and then I have organized emergency savings in case I have checking. I have $1,000 over

1303
01:20:55.480 --> 01:21:00.720
my checking, over budget, just in case I need, just for necessities. Emergency savings

1304
01:21:00.720 --> 01:21:08.480
I put organized in case I run out of a job or in case I have something to pay up or in

1305
01:21:08.480 --> 01:21:10.640
case I don't go broke.

1306
01:21:10.640 --> 01:21:11.640
So did you go to Greece?

1307
01:21:11.640 --> 01:21:13.720
No, yeah, I'm going to go this fall.

1308
01:21:13.720 --> 01:21:15.160
Oh, that's awesome.

1309
01:21:15.160 --> 01:21:18.520
And then I have the singles cruise too. I'm just going to go big.

1310
01:21:18.520 --> 01:21:23.280
I like it. Saving your money. So here, I'm going to have you focus on something because

1311
01:21:23.280 --> 01:21:28.960
one of the things I want you to work on, Hunter, is because of the fear of losing that

1312
01:21:28.960 --> 01:21:34.760
you have faced before, and then that came up again for you tonight, I want you to make

1313
01:21:34.760 --> 01:21:40.600
a list of the areas that you win and the growth that you've made. And so like even on a piece

1314
01:21:40.600 --> 01:21:47.840
of paper tonight, I want you just to write down two or three things that you have accomplished

1315
01:21:47.840 --> 01:21:52.040
and done well. You just told us the finances. You also told us that you built new skills

1316
01:21:52.040 --> 01:21:56.920
through working at Amazon. You're saving for these trips. And so just putting that

1317
01:21:56.920 --> 01:22:04.040
up where you can see it and reminding yourself, hey, you know what? I win. I'm not a loser.

1318
01:22:04.040 --> 01:22:09.600
I don't lose in life. I'm winning. I'm making good choices. And then that can help equip

1319
01:22:09.600 --> 01:22:14.440
you to make more good choices as you keep moving forward, even in relationship. And

1320
01:22:14.440 --> 01:22:20.120
so just want to encourage you to do that here in the near future. Tonight would be great

1321
01:22:20.120 --> 01:22:26.080
or tomorrow where you make that list for yourself and just partner with, and this is

1322
01:22:26.080 --> 01:22:31.480
for everyone, like how can you, and I said this all to you all earlier, how can you partner

1323
01:22:31.480 --> 01:22:36.920
with the wins that you're already accomplishing? How can you celebrate, you know, the strides

1324
01:22:36.920 --> 01:22:40.800
that you've made? I know some of you have felt like you've had some setbacks recently,

1325
01:22:40.800 --> 01:22:45.000
but even in the setback, what did God teach you in the middle of that? What is God trying

1326
01:22:45.000 --> 01:22:51.480
to show you about yourself? And even like, as several people tonight have shared, identity

1327
01:22:51.480 --> 01:22:55.800
being at the core, like God's trying to grow us in our identity in Christ. He's trying

1328
01:22:55.800 --> 01:23:02.480
to grow us in our understanding of who we are in every situation in Him, no matter what

1329
01:23:02.480 --> 01:23:08.280
comes, no matter if that connection that you have on that dating app works out or not.

1330
01:23:08.280 --> 01:23:15.280
God is trying to solidify who are you, who are you really, you know, that, that like,

1331
01:23:15.280 --> 01:23:20.280
who are we really, when all these other things are taken away, like, you know, we have our

1332
01:23:20.280 --> 01:23:25.360
jobs and, you know, people that we put our identity in, our kids and all these different

1333
01:23:25.360 --> 01:23:31.360
situations and dynamics. But when all of that is stripped away, who are we and what are

1334
01:23:31.360 --> 01:23:35.120
we accomplishing? Hunter, thank you so much for sharing. I'm going to, I have a little

1335
01:23:35.120 --> 01:23:38.920
bit of time left, so I'm going to try to go. I also want a singles crew. So it's not

1336
01:23:38.920 --> 01:23:44.960
just a group, I'm just going to go big and go for a big shock. And then also I still,

1337
01:23:44.960 --> 01:23:49.600
and I still have struggled with, with the fact that all, almost everybody in my class

1338
01:23:49.600 --> 01:23:54.240
from high school is married and having a kid or two. And I feel like that's my fear. The

1339
01:23:54.240 --> 01:23:59.080
enemy likes to play on me, but you know what I do, I could cry and flip out on it, but

1340
01:23:59.080 --> 01:24:04.200
I don't think that's not what's on their mind saying behind. Yeah. You just got to live

1341
01:24:04.200 --> 01:24:08.040
your life Hunter. And I know sometimes that can be hard. And I think there's other people

1342
01:24:08.040 --> 01:24:13.200
in the community that have felt similar about whether it's a marriage relationship or having

1343
01:24:13.200 --> 01:24:18.080
babies or, you know, work life goals that when, if we just sit and compare ourselves

1344
01:24:18.080 --> 01:24:22.520
to other people and where they're at and we're not where they are and we should be there,

1345
01:24:22.520 --> 01:24:26.200
well then we're just going to sit and kind of spin in circles because we're so focused

1346
01:24:26.200 --> 01:24:31.000
on everybody else and comparison traps that we're getting caught in when the Lord's just

1347
01:24:31.000 --> 01:24:36.680
okay, but how can you move forward? How can you take a step further into God's plans and

1348
01:24:36.680 --> 01:24:42.040
purpose for your life? So Hunter, thank you so much for sharing. Rachel, go ahead.

1349
01:24:48.440 --> 01:24:49.560
Rachel, are you still there?

1350
01:24:49.560 --> 01:24:57.400
Okay. Is it Shaina?

1351
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:07.000
I'm sorry, I couldn't remember how to pronounce it.

1352
01:25:07.000 --> 01:25:13.000
Can you hear me? I have an earphone. Yeah, I can hear you.

1353
01:25:13.000 --> 01:25:19.000
This next week, we're going to have to decide if I'm going back into security where I was

1354
01:25:19.000 --> 01:25:24.000
at, or if I stay in casework, and I'm $1200 short of much.

1355
01:25:24.000 --> 01:25:29.000
I like casework better, but I have to make my bills.

1356
01:25:29.000 --> 01:25:34.000
I'm needing some prayers if you don't mind.

1357
01:25:34.000 --> 01:25:42.000
Direction and identity is one thing that she talked about that I really struggle with. Yeah. Yeah.

1358
01:25:42.000 --> 01:25:45.000
Yeah, we'll definitely be praying for you about that.

1359
01:25:46.000 --> 01:25:54.000
And on the identity, I would say, you know, just pray into that more if that was speaking to you tonight regarding the casework job.

1360
01:25:54.000 --> 01:26:04.000
I know you and I have chatted quite a bit back and forth about your job, and I am believing and praying for you to be able to step into things you really enjoy doing.

1361
01:26:04.000 --> 01:26:09.000
Is there any I don't know how many hours you have to work on the casework.

1362
01:26:09.000 --> 01:26:22.000
But can you with the casework are you able to work less hours so that you could pick up a fun job where you could meet more people on the side.

1363
01:26:22.000 --> 01:26:25.000
Yeah, I only have 40 hours.

1364
01:26:25.000 --> 01:26:32.000
Yeah, so thank God you're working a little less with that casework job right.

1365
01:26:33.000 --> 01:26:40.000
Okay. Yes, I only have to only get to work 40 hours with this one so I only get I don't get any overtime or anything like that.

1366
01:26:40.000 --> 01:26:46.000
So, so I was working way too much. So yeah.

1367
01:26:46.000 --> 01:26:56.000
So this to me this is presenting you an opportunity not that I'm just trying to say you all should just work all the time, but if she needs to make extra money to make her bills.

1368
01:26:56.000 --> 01:27:05.000
One of the things Shauna has talked about for a while since she joined the community is not having time to even date or enjoy life or do hobbies.

1369
01:27:05.000 --> 01:27:25.000
But maybe what she could do right now is consider, well, is there a fun job, is there a side job that she could do that it feels more fun but she would meet people in the community and be out and about, you know, those are just things that we need to consider, instead of always having to go back to what we don't want to be in.

1370
01:27:25.000 --> 01:27:28.000
Does that make sense, everyone.

1371
01:27:28.000 --> 01:27:29.000
All right.

1372
01:27:29.000 --> 01:27:37.000
But I can't tell you what God's going to tell you on that but yeah I remember her teaching like, just because it's familiar, doesn't mean that's where you need to be.

1373
01:27:37.000 --> 01:27:39.000
That's right.

1374
01:27:39.000 --> 01:27:41.000
I was like, Okay.

1375
01:27:41.000 --> 01:27:48.000
But, uh, anyway, uh, I am talking to someone, the dating app.

1376
01:27:49.000 --> 01:27:57.000
Everybody seems so far away. But, uh, I am talking to someone and had a few triggers, but we got through them, and then it seems to be working out okay.

1377
01:27:57.000 --> 01:28:09.000
At least talking about a friend thing. For now, we'll go from there but that way, the panic and the pressure like the lady was talking about earlier.

1378
01:28:09.000 --> 01:28:13.000
Sometimes I feel that, so I have to go slow.

1379
01:28:14.000 --> 01:28:29.000
Okay, so you want to be talking to the Lord about that and, and really try to get to what's causing the triggers, is it just because of something they're saying or doing, or is it hitting a pressure point in you that needs healed.

1380
01:28:29.000 --> 01:28:35.000
That's what it was and we talked it out because I can see like a replay of my last.

1381
01:28:35.000 --> 01:28:36.000
Okay.

1382
01:28:36.000 --> 01:28:40.000
He was like, I have no idea what you thought I didn't even do you know this.

1383
01:28:40.000 --> 01:28:46.000
But, um, let's be honest trying to think there was something else I was going to mention.

1384
01:28:46.000 --> 01:28:48.000
I can't remember what it is.

1385
01:28:48.000 --> 01:28:50.000
Well, yeah, that's okay.

1386
01:28:50.000 --> 01:28:55.000
While you're thinking of that I'm going to have Kylie share if.

1387
01:28:55.000 --> 01:29:02.000
Thank you. I mean, I'm gonna have Kylie share and then if you think of that and want to still share we can circle back okay.

1388
01:29:03.000 --> 01:29:05.000
Hi.

1389
01:29:05.000 --> 01:29:19.000
Okay, I'm going to show you the fire hose and it's going to sound a little bit unorganized because I don't know where to exactly start but there's a whole bunch of different things and I think they all tie together and it's kind of like, um, I feel unbalanced when I'm dating like it's

1390
01:29:19.000 --> 01:29:40.000
I can't give enough time to like my kids or God, it's like it, my life becomes unbalanced, which there's also, I think I have like some spiritual OCD tendencies of like, I'm afraid to be fully surrendered because like, if I don't do XYZ then God's mad at me or like God will make me do something I don't want to do.

1391
01:29:41.000 --> 01:29:53.000
And the things I want to do he's going to say no to, and it kind of umbrellas my whole life so I don't know if any of those kind of all tie in together.

1392
01:29:53.000 --> 01:29:55.000
But I'll leave it at that for now.

1393
01:29:55.000 --> 01:30:00.000
Okay, so when is the first time you believe that if you didn't have XYZ?

1394
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.040
do X, Y, Z, then God would be mad at you.

1395
01:30:03.040 --> 01:30:04.200
What did that look like?

1396
01:30:04.200 --> 01:30:07.580
What was happening when you heard that?

1397
01:30:07.580 --> 01:30:11.460
I honestly, like, can't remember the first time

1398
01:30:11.460 --> 01:30:15.100
that I experienced that.

1399
01:30:15.100 --> 01:30:20.100
I did have, like, a time where I kind of recognized

1400
01:30:20.100 --> 01:30:23.520
that I wasn't, like, relying on the blood of Jesus.

1401
01:30:23.520 --> 01:30:26.560
I was relying on, like, me fixing things.

1402
01:30:26.560 --> 01:30:27.400
Does that make sense?

1403
01:30:27.400 --> 01:30:29.300
So, like, receiving forgiveness.

1404
01:30:30.300 --> 01:30:33.080
I, like, didn't realize I wasn't.

1405
01:30:33.080 --> 01:30:35.140
I thought I had to, like, do all these extras.

1406
01:30:35.140 --> 01:30:37.300
So there was a time I realized that,

1407
01:30:37.300 --> 01:30:38.700
but I can't remember the first time

1408
01:30:38.700 --> 01:30:41.180
that that would have happened.

1409
01:30:41.180 --> 01:30:42.860
Okay.

1410
01:30:42.860 --> 01:30:44.820
Tell me about your parents growing up.

1411
01:30:44.820 --> 01:30:48.060
What was, was it ever like that with them,

1412
01:30:48.060 --> 01:30:50.560
where, you know, if you didn't do X, Y, Z,

1413
01:30:50.560 --> 01:30:51.860
then they were mad at you?

1414
01:30:54.060 --> 01:30:58.560
Honestly, I can't remember a lot of my childhood,

1415
01:30:58.560 --> 01:30:59.920
if I'm honest.

1416
01:30:59.920 --> 01:31:02.000
It's not like I was raised in a bad home.

1417
01:31:02.000 --> 01:31:05.360
Like, I remember my dad was always really super chill.

1418
01:31:06.520 --> 01:31:09.320
He was gone a lot with farm, like, he farms.

1419
01:31:09.320 --> 01:31:11.760
So I don't really remember him parenting a lot,

1420
01:31:11.760 --> 01:31:14.720
and I rarely ever remember him being angry.

1421
01:31:15.780 --> 01:31:19.500
My mom would have more so taken on that.

1422
01:31:19.500 --> 01:31:21.480
And, like, yeah, I don't know.

1423
01:31:21.480 --> 01:31:22.640
There's, like, a comfort level

1424
01:31:22.640 --> 01:31:24.960
that I don't necessarily have with her as an adult.

1425
01:31:24.960 --> 01:31:27.240
Like, she tends to irritate me really easily,

1426
01:31:27.320 --> 01:31:30.840
whereas my dad doesn't, and I don't really know why.

1427
01:31:30.840 --> 01:31:32.440
Like, I know if my dad would ask me

1428
01:31:32.440 --> 01:31:35.980
the exact same thing my mom did, it wouldn't irritate me.

1429
01:31:37.880 --> 01:31:38.880
Okay.

1430
01:31:38.880 --> 01:31:41.840
So you may want to look at that,

1431
01:31:41.840 --> 01:31:43.880
even if you've already kind of done a little bit of work

1432
01:31:43.880 --> 01:31:45.120
when you went through hard work on that,

1433
01:31:45.120 --> 01:31:48.280
because if, you know, someone easily irritates us,

1434
01:31:48.280 --> 01:31:51.360
there's something probably there that needs healed.

1435
01:31:51.360 --> 01:31:54.720
But regarding the feeling unbalanced, you know,

1436
01:31:54.720 --> 01:31:57.600
I feel like maybe just giving yourself some grace

1437
01:31:57.600 --> 01:31:59.720
is gonna be key right now.

1438
01:31:59.720 --> 01:32:04.720
Being a single parent, trying to balance work, kids, dating,

1439
01:32:04.760 --> 01:32:08.120
I think that would be a tricky thing for anybody.

1440
01:32:08.120 --> 01:32:12.200
And so that's why I keep just hearing grace and space.

1441
01:32:12.200 --> 01:32:14.320
So giving yourself that grace and space

1442
01:32:14.320 --> 01:32:19.320
to experience, you know,

1443
01:32:20.080 --> 01:32:23.080
the truth that God is gonna love you just as much

1444
01:32:23.080 --> 01:32:26.600
if you do an hour of devotion, or if you do five minutes,

1445
01:32:26.600 --> 01:32:28.240
if you just connect in prayer.

1446
01:32:28.240 --> 01:32:30.520
And I'm not saying, you know, for everyone

1447
01:32:30.520 --> 01:32:31.760
not to spend time with the Lord,

1448
01:32:31.760 --> 01:32:35.080
but I remember going through that before

1449
01:32:35.080 --> 01:32:38.920
where I literally would feel like I wasn't close to God

1450
01:32:38.920 --> 01:32:42.280
if I didn't spend an hour or more of devotion time.

1451
01:32:42.280 --> 01:32:44.080
And some of that was from religious teaching

1452
01:32:44.080 --> 01:32:45.240
and stuff I was under.

1453
01:32:45.240 --> 01:32:47.360
Now, I love spending time with the Lord, y'all.

1454
01:32:47.360 --> 01:32:49.320
So it's some of my favorite time,

1455
01:32:49.320 --> 01:32:51.640
but what I've had to learn over the years

1456
01:32:51.640 --> 01:32:56.040
is that if I believe the lie that God's mad at me

1457
01:32:56.040 --> 01:32:57.320
or I'm not close to him

1458
01:32:57.320 --> 01:32:59.480
because I didn't spend time with him today,

1459
01:32:59.480 --> 01:33:01.720
well, then I believe that God leaves me.

1460
01:33:04.160 --> 01:33:05.120
Think about that.

1461
01:33:06.640 --> 01:33:08.720
That God leaves me, but in his word,

1462
01:33:08.720 --> 01:33:10.640
he says he doesn't leave me or forsake me.

1463
01:33:10.640 --> 01:33:13.200
Now, there are times where David would be like,

1464
01:33:13.200 --> 01:33:15.720
please don't take your Holy Spirit from me.

1465
01:33:15.720 --> 01:33:18.280
So I think we can experience that pulling away,

1466
01:33:18.280 --> 01:33:22.760
but is it God pulling away or is it us doing something

1467
01:33:22.760 --> 01:33:25.760
that causes that feeling of God

1468
01:33:25.760 --> 01:33:27.520
or the Holy Spirit not being close?

1469
01:33:27.520 --> 01:33:29.720
Now, if we sin, I think that's different

1470
01:33:29.720 --> 01:33:32.000
because we're causing like a fracture

1471
01:33:32.000 --> 01:33:34.280
in the relationship there.

1472
01:33:34.280 --> 01:33:38.440
But if it's just like, okay, you have a really busy week,

1473
01:33:38.440 --> 01:33:41.120
I just wanna see you partner with grace.

1474
01:33:42.480 --> 01:33:44.480
And what does it look like and feel like

1475
01:33:44.480 --> 01:33:48.080
when you are doing that and these lies are surfacing,

1476
01:33:48.960 --> 01:33:52.080
in order for you to know the root of that first time

1477
01:33:52.080 --> 01:33:54.800
where you believe the lie that if you didn't do X, Y, Z,

1478
01:33:54.800 --> 01:33:57.160
then God was gonna be mad at you,

1479
01:33:57.160 --> 01:34:00.400
you might have to actually function in that

1480
01:34:00.400 --> 01:34:03.240
to uncover the lies that might surface

1481
01:34:03.240 --> 01:34:05.240
when you're experiencing that.

1482
01:34:05.240 --> 01:34:06.320
Does that make sense?

1483
01:34:07.280 --> 01:34:08.240
Yeah, it does.

1484
01:34:08.240 --> 01:34:11.560
And I think those lies all tie into being afraid

1485
01:34:11.560 --> 01:34:12.560
of being fully surrendered.

1486
01:34:12.560 --> 01:34:13.880
Cause I'm like, if he's mad at me,

1487
01:34:13.920 --> 01:34:15.320
that's just like the idea that you like wanna pull away

1488
01:34:15.320 --> 01:34:17.840
rather than draw near.

1489
01:34:19.160 --> 01:34:22.960
Okay, so is it that you struggle actually

1490
01:34:22.960 --> 01:34:24.400
with closeness then?

1491
01:34:26.760 --> 01:34:30.840
Like relationship, I'm not talking about religion

1492
01:34:30.840 --> 01:34:33.480
or checking something off of a box,

1493
01:34:33.480 --> 01:34:38.080
but like genuine, like intimacy with the Lord.

1494
01:34:38.080 --> 01:34:40.200
Cause when you're saying you mentioned twice now

1495
01:34:40.200 --> 01:34:42.040
that you think you're really struggling

1496
01:34:42.040 --> 01:34:47.040
with fully surrendering, is it surrendering fully

1497
01:34:47.080 --> 01:34:49.880
to the relationship with Him at the core?

1498
01:34:51.480 --> 01:34:53.040
Probably, yes.

1499
01:34:54.680 --> 01:34:56.560
Which makes me actually wonder

1500
01:34:56.560 --> 01:34:59.240
because your dad had to work so much.

1501
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:06.320
If there's a connection there, okay.

1502
01:35:06.320 --> 01:35:07.880
So I would just pray into that.

1503
01:35:07.880 --> 01:35:11.600
You don't have to be mad at dad or any of those things, but I think it'd be worth you

1504
01:35:11.600 --> 01:35:18.360
looking at, you know, because whether we realize it or not, even people that have had amazing

1505
01:35:18.360 --> 01:35:23.120
dads who had to work a lot or were gone, or even when they were home, if they weren't

1506
01:35:23.120 --> 01:35:29.280
emotionally available, uh, kids can develop subconscious lies that they're not a priority

1507
01:35:29.280 --> 01:35:35.040
or that they really can't, um, get close to dad cause dad's too busy or dad has other

1508
01:35:35.040 --> 01:35:38.920
things to do or, or whatever the lies might be that trickle in there.

1509
01:35:38.920 --> 01:35:44.520
But just, if you start just asking the Lord, um, I actually just, this is totally in a

1510
01:35:44.520 --> 01:35:48.960
secular show and I'm like, you know, it wasn't a bad show, but just interestingly enough,

1511
01:35:48.960 --> 01:35:55.800
I saw this episode last night where this guy was believing a lie about his dad and blamed

1512
01:35:55.800 --> 01:35:58.720
his dad for his mom, mom passing away.

1513
01:35:58.720 --> 01:35:59.720
Your mom's alive.

1514
01:35:59.720 --> 01:36:07.640
So that's not necessarily where I'm going with this, but he, as a kid basically fabricated

1515
01:36:07.640 --> 01:36:15.320
his own idea about his mom because he couldn't handle the truth and the reality.

1516
01:36:15.320 --> 01:36:23.040
And so dad was the bad guy and mom was the good guy, but mom wasn't actually there.

1517
01:36:23.040 --> 01:36:26.360
And so the reason I'm mentioning this again, I'm not saying I want you to be mad at your

1518
01:36:26.360 --> 01:36:32.520
dad, but I think the fact that you get really irritated with your mom.

1519
01:36:32.520 --> 01:36:39.640
And dad wasn't there as much mom had to take on being dad and mom, it sounds like quite

1520
01:36:39.640 --> 01:36:40.640
a bit.

1521
01:36:40.640 --> 01:36:41.640
Yeah.

1522
01:36:41.640 --> 01:36:48.840
And so there might be some resentment there that might actually be like underlying towards

1523
01:36:48.840 --> 01:36:51.680
dad, but you're projecting it onto mom.

1524
01:36:51.680 --> 01:36:55.400
And again, I'm not saying that's true, but you may just want to look at it.

1525
01:36:55.440 --> 01:36:59.320
And if it has nothing to do with that, just, just ask the Lord, just to show you what it

1526
01:36:59.320 --> 01:37:00.320
is connected to.

1527
01:37:00.320 --> 01:37:01.320
Okay.

1528
01:37:01.320 --> 01:37:02.320
That sounds good.

1529
01:37:02.320 --> 01:37:03.320
Yeah.

1530
01:37:03.320 --> 01:37:04.320
Thanks.

1531
01:37:04.320 --> 01:37:05.320
You're welcome.

1532
01:37:05.320 --> 01:37:06.320
You're welcome.

1533
01:37:06.320 --> 01:37:09.760
I know it can be tough because we may not want to look at some of these things, especially

1534
01:37:09.760 --> 01:37:13.560
if we have a good relationship with that parent and that doesn't have to change you all.

1535
01:37:13.560 --> 01:37:17.920
When we have heart work, sometimes that just that healing, if, if there is stuff there

1536
01:37:17.920 --> 01:37:20.860
that the Lord reveals, it can actually make that even better.

1537
01:37:20.860 --> 01:37:24.120
And then maybe some of the stuff with mom can heal in that process.

1538
01:37:24.120 --> 01:37:30.720
And then because of that, you may give yourself more grace and space as you are mom and daughter

1539
01:37:30.720 --> 01:37:31.720
to the Lord.

1540
01:37:31.720 --> 01:37:32.720
Yeah.

1541
01:37:32.720 --> 01:37:33.720
All right.

1542
01:37:33.720 --> 01:37:40.480
So Dawn, I think I have one more and then we're going to close it down for the night.

1543
01:37:40.480 --> 01:37:41.480
You all.

1544
01:37:41.480 --> 01:37:42.480
Okay.

1545
01:37:42.480 --> 01:37:43.480
Hello, Anthony.

1546
01:37:43.480 --> 01:37:44.480
Hi.

1547
01:37:44.480 --> 01:37:47.440
Hey, I started working on some of the Harvard, so I definitely was going to check in with

1548
01:37:47.440 --> 01:37:48.440
that.

1549
01:37:48.440 --> 01:37:49.440
Yeah.

1550
01:37:49.440 --> 01:37:53.920
One of the things that I, I'm believing is of course, a lot of religious lies, but that,

1551
01:37:53.920 --> 01:37:59.360
so God doesn't provide for me as well as my parents did or as well as my husband's dead.

1552
01:37:59.360 --> 01:38:01.480
So I'm going, I didn't do a lot.

1553
01:38:01.480 --> 01:38:06.800
I did a lot of hard work with my parents, but I didn't do any with my, my three husbands.

1554
01:38:06.800 --> 01:38:09.960
So I was married three times and twice to the same man.

1555
01:38:09.960 --> 01:38:11.680
And that's a lot of stuff there.

1556
01:38:11.680 --> 01:38:16.560
So the thing with the financial hardship and the provision is that there was a time where

1557
01:38:16.560 --> 01:38:19.960
after my mom and dad both passed, we lost the house.

1558
01:38:19.960 --> 01:38:20.960
I lost everything.

1559
01:38:20.960 --> 01:38:24.120
I didn't get the inheritance and I wound up homeless.

1560
01:38:24.120 --> 01:38:25.120
Where was God?

1561
01:38:25.120 --> 01:38:26.320
God, I blamed you for that.

1562
01:38:26.320 --> 01:38:27.320
I was homeless.

1563
01:38:27.320 --> 01:38:31.600
And that's a very big, uh, I'm showing us a very big fear of mine.

1564
01:38:31.600 --> 01:38:37.560
And so when finances come and I can't pay bills, my mom and dad always paid everything.

1565
01:38:37.560 --> 01:38:41.760
You know, it's like my husband took very, my husband took very good care of me.

1566
01:38:41.760 --> 01:38:42.760
I was never poor.

1567
01:38:42.760 --> 01:38:46.040
We never lacked, you know, they had businesses.

1568
01:38:46.040 --> 01:38:47.880
And they always took care of me.

1569
01:38:47.880 --> 01:38:53.560
So when I lost all that and it's just me and the Lord's supposed to step in and he's not

1570
01:38:53.560 --> 01:38:58.560
taking care of me like my husband did or like my dad did or like my mom did.

1571
01:38:58.560 --> 01:39:00.600
So financially I'm all alone.

1572
01:39:00.600 --> 01:39:02.160
You know, I don't have a lot of education.

1573
01:39:02.160 --> 01:39:07.760
I mean, I do have some, and then I worked and served in ministry, but here I am by myself.

1574
01:39:07.760 --> 01:39:13.440
You know, I lost the three big providers in my life and God didn't come through because

1575
01:39:13.440 --> 01:39:14.440
I was homeless.

1576
01:39:14.560 --> 01:39:19.560
That's a very big issue that I feel like I've never dealt with.

1577
01:39:19.560 --> 01:39:22.120
I think it's affected a lot of stuff in me.

1578
01:39:22.120 --> 01:39:27.280
So doing this hard work a second time, there was a lot of lack and it came because of death

1579
01:39:27.280 --> 01:39:28.480
and because of this.

1580
01:39:28.480 --> 01:39:31.880
And I didn't see God, like, God, why are you dropping the ball?

1581
01:39:31.880 --> 01:39:33.560
Why, why are you not taking care of me?

1582
01:39:33.560 --> 01:39:35.640
Why did I have to drop out of Bible school?

1583
01:39:35.640 --> 01:39:37.760
And I almost lost my home and my car.

1584
01:39:37.760 --> 01:39:38.760
Yeah.

1585
01:39:38.760 --> 01:39:39.760
Yeah.

1586
01:39:39.760 --> 01:39:40.760
Yeah.

1587
01:39:40.760 --> 01:39:41.760
It's a mess.

1588
01:39:42.080 --> 01:39:46.160
You're well, Hey, I feel like you're making massive progress right now because this is

1589
01:39:46.160 --> 01:39:50.240
stuff that you didn't unpack when you went through heartwork the first time.

1590
01:39:50.240 --> 01:39:52.520
And so I feel like you're on a good path.

1591
01:39:52.520 --> 01:39:55.680
I know it might feel messy right now, but you're not going to stay here.

1592
01:39:55.680 --> 01:39:56.880
You're moving through this.

1593
01:39:56.880 --> 01:39:57.880
Okay.

1594
01:39:57.880 --> 01:39:58.880
You're going to keep going.

1595
01:39:58.880 --> 01:39:59.880
Um, but you.

1596
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:01.240
Remember in heart work,

1597
01:40:01.240 --> 01:40:02.540
I don't know if you all would remember this,

1598
01:40:02.540 --> 01:40:04.400
but I always tell everyone,

1599
01:40:04.400 --> 01:40:06.400
you know, God doesn't actually,

1600
01:40:06.400 --> 01:40:07.900
he doesn't do the things to us

1601
01:40:07.900 --> 01:40:09.860
that we often think he's doing,

1602
01:40:09.860 --> 01:40:11.360
but we do need to forgive him,

1603
01:40:11.360 --> 01:40:12.760
especially if, you know,

1604
01:40:12.760 --> 01:40:15.120
we believe he's wronged us in some way.

1605
01:40:15.120 --> 01:40:17.760
So Dawn, I really would recommend

1606
01:40:17.760 --> 01:40:19.840
doing a forgiveness prayer regarding

1607
01:40:19.840 --> 01:40:21.320
like when you ended up homeless

1608
01:40:21.320 --> 01:40:25.320
and forgiving God for, you know, all of that,

1609
01:40:25.320 --> 01:40:26.660
because you're carrying that

1610
01:40:26.660 --> 01:40:29.140
and you're putting it and projecting it onto God

1611
01:40:29.180 --> 01:40:32.580
when really, you know,

1612
01:40:32.580 --> 01:40:37.520
the reality is people made mistakes

1613
01:40:37.520 --> 01:40:40.080
where the provisions weren't made

1614
01:40:40.080 --> 01:40:43.220
when parents and things passed away.

1615
01:40:43.220 --> 01:40:45.480
That's the truth.

1616
01:40:45.480 --> 01:40:47.380
And that's what's hard for us to look at

1617
01:40:47.380 --> 01:40:51.300
is that the mistakes that people have made

1618
01:40:51.300 --> 01:40:54.880
that didn't provide even ourselves.

1619
01:40:54.880 --> 01:40:56.620
Now you were a kid when that happened,

1620
01:40:56.620 --> 01:40:58.220
I'm assuming, correct?

1621
01:40:58.220 --> 01:40:59.500
No, no, I've been an adult.

1622
01:40:59.500 --> 01:41:03.620
No, it was only, my mom passed doing COVID in 2020.

1623
01:41:03.620 --> 01:41:05.820
Okay, so were you living with her then

1624
01:41:05.820 --> 01:41:06.660
and that's when you became homeless?

1625
01:41:06.660 --> 01:41:07.660
She was living with me.

1626
01:41:07.660 --> 01:41:08.740
We were together.

1627
01:41:08.740 --> 01:41:10.340
We shared everything together.

1628
01:41:10.340 --> 01:41:12.840
I was taking care of her like Jackie did with her mom.

1629
01:41:12.840 --> 01:41:14.380
I was her caretaker.

1630
01:41:14.380 --> 01:41:19.380
Okay, okay, so this is where it's really tricky, y'all.

1631
01:41:21.580 --> 01:41:25.900
We struggle to own our side of the street

1632
01:41:25.900 --> 01:41:28.940
and things sometimes, right?

1633
01:41:28.940 --> 01:41:33.940
And like, I remember just being really upset with God

1634
01:41:34.060 --> 01:41:35.940
when some things happened financially

1635
01:41:35.940 --> 01:41:38.140
when I went through my divorce.

1636
01:41:38.140 --> 01:41:42.580
And, you know, the reality of that situation

1637
01:41:42.580 --> 01:41:44.820
when I really was honest with myself fully

1638
01:41:44.820 --> 01:41:46.580
without going into the full situation,

1639
01:41:46.580 --> 01:41:49.740
I will just let you, like the high point

1640
01:41:49.740 --> 01:41:54.740
is that I allowed my ex-husband to manipulate me

1641
01:41:55.220 --> 01:41:57.540
and I asked my mom to do something

1642
01:41:57.540 --> 01:41:59.460
I didn't even wanna ask her to do

1643
01:41:59.460 --> 01:42:00.860
and it involved her house

1644
01:42:00.860 --> 01:42:03.420
and taking out a new loan on her home.

1645
01:42:03.420 --> 01:42:07.180
Now, my ex said he was gonna fulfill all of the things.

1646
01:42:07.180 --> 01:42:09.140
He's gonna pay for the new loan, all this stuff.

1647
01:42:09.140 --> 01:42:10.380
Well, he didn't.

1648
01:42:10.380 --> 01:42:12.940
My mom ended up losing her home

1649
01:42:12.940 --> 01:42:16.720
and I was playing, I played a part in that.

1650
01:42:19.380 --> 01:42:22.140
I could have blamed my ex completely for that.

1651
01:42:22.140 --> 01:42:23.980
I could have blamed that on God

1652
01:42:24.020 --> 01:42:25.580
because why didn't God protect me

1653
01:42:25.580 --> 01:42:28.680
when my ex didn't hold up his end of the bargain?

1654
01:42:30.580 --> 01:42:34.620
But at the end of the day, I was a part of that decision.

1655
01:42:36.260 --> 01:42:39.820
And so I had to own my side of the street in that

1656
01:42:39.820 --> 01:42:44.620
and because like when I did that, I took power back

1657
01:42:44.620 --> 01:42:47.460
because if I just say, well, it is, you know,

1658
01:42:47.460 --> 01:42:50.940
it's everybody else's fault, including God's,

1659
01:42:50.940 --> 01:42:54.380
then I give all power over to everyone else

1660
01:42:54.380 --> 01:42:57.500
and everything else, but I have no power anymore.

1661
01:42:58.820 --> 01:43:03.500
But when I say, okay, what could I have done differently

1662
01:43:03.500 --> 01:43:05.820
in that situation?

1663
01:43:05.820 --> 01:43:07.660
Well, I could have said no to him,

1664
01:43:07.660 --> 01:43:11.020
even though he was kind of being abusive and blowing up.

1665
01:43:11.020 --> 01:43:12.860
Yeah, that was scary for me,

1666
01:43:12.860 --> 01:43:16.420
but I didn't have to say yes to him, I didn't.

1667
01:43:17.420 --> 01:43:21.700
And so I want to encourage all of you, you know,

1668
01:43:21.700 --> 01:43:26.540
when we do have an opportunity as an adult

1669
01:43:26.540 --> 01:43:30.180
to make a decision to save money

1670
01:43:30.180 --> 01:43:33.500
or learn how to, you know, budget our money better

1671
01:43:33.500 --> 01:43:35.900
so that we're not in the same cycle.

1672
01:43:35.900 --> 01:43:38.180
And Dawn, I don't know the whole story of your dynamics,

1673
01:43:38.180 --> 01:43:39.460
so I wanna tread lightly here,

1674
01:43:39.460 --> 01:43:42.820
but just that we would start to really see

1675
01:43:43.820 --> 01:43:45.260
how can we shift?

1676
01:43:45.260 --> 01:43:46.420
How can we grow?

1677
01:43:46.420 --> 01:43:47.980
How can we heal?

1678
01:43:47.980 --> 01:43:50.620
Because there's heart healing that needs to happen too,

1679
01:43:50.620 --> 01:43:52.500
that helps us become better stewards

1680
01:43:52.500 --> 01:43:55.780
of the money that God gives us, you know,

1681
01:43:55.780 --> 01:43:59.180
where maybe it is learning a new skill.

1682
01:43:59.180 --> 01:44:00.300
Cause you know, I heard you say,

1683
01:44:00.300 --> 01:44:03.460
like, I'm not super educated, but you're still here.

1684
01:44:03.460 --> 01:44:05.020
You can learn a new skill.

1685
01:44:05.020 --> 01:44:07.020
Everybody can, no matter how old we are,

1686
01:44:07.020 --> 01:44:08.460
we can learn a new skill.

1687
01:44:08.540 --> 01:44:13.460
We can, you know, learn how to, you know,

1688
01:44:13.460 --> 01:44:16.580
go in, work at a new job and, you know,

1689
01:44:16.580 --> 01:44:18.460
make a little bit of income in a different way

1690
01:44:18.460 --> 01:44:19.300
than we have before.

1691
01:44:19.300 --> 01:44:22.980
There's always ways that we can grow

1692
01:44:22.980 --> 01:44:25.220
and come out of where we were at.

1693
01:44:25.220 --> 01:44:28.620
And I say that having literally,

1694
01:44:28.620 --> 01:44:31.500
y'all, I literally moved to a different state

1695
01:44:31.500 --> 01:44:35.820
to move away from an abusive husband years ago.

1696
01:44:35.820 --> 01:44:37.460
I didn't have a house.

1697
01:44:37.460 --> 01:44:39.340
I almost lost my car.

1698
01:44:39.340 --> 01:44:40.940
I didn't know how I was going to pay for anything.

1699
01:44:40.940 --> 01:44:44.380
So know that I'm saying these things from a place of,

1700
01:44:44.380 --> 01:44:47.660
I struggled financially, deeply,

1701
01:44:48.660 --> 01:44:51.020
but God taught me one step at a time.

1702
01:44:51.020 --> 01:44:53.220
And I'm not saying I've always got it figured out,

1703
01:44:53.220 --> 01:44:56.900
but like how to save, how to invest,

1704
01:44:56.900 --> 01:45:00.140
how to budget my money, how to grow.

1705
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:01.920
Oh, and then guess what?

1706
01:45:01.920 --> 01:45:05.200
When I gained those skills and when I healed in my heart

1707
01:45:05.200 --> 01:45:06.400
so that I didn't keep making

1708
01:45:06.400 --> 01:45:09.020
those same mistakes financially,

1709
01:45:09.020 --> 01:45:11.800
then I felt empowered and guess what?

1710
01:45:11.800 --> 01:45:14.320
I didn't blame God for those things anymore.

1711
01:45:18.480 --> 01:45:20.320
And I know that can be hard.

1712
01:45:20.320 --> 01:45:24.880
I know it can because whether we want to admit it or not,

1713
01:45:24.880 --> 01:45:26.900
sometimes it's easier to blame God.

1714
01:45:27.900 --> 01:45:30.220
It has to do with a lot of the religious lies

1715
01:45:30.220 --> 01:45:33.860
because the lies I've been told is that either God

1716
01:45:33.860 --> 01:45:35.860
wants to bless you or he doesn't bless you

1717
01:45:35.860 --> 01:45:38.220
or if you're a tribe, you give money, you give money,

1718
01:45:38.220 --> 01:45:40.860
you give, you give, you give, you sow, you sow,

1719
01:45:40.860 --> 01:45:43.180
then you're gonna reap money in finances

1720
01:45:43.180 --> 01:45:45.380
with the prosperity gospel.

1721
01:45:45.380 --> 01:45:47.460
And I've been exposed to that for so long.

1722
01:45:47.460 --> 01:45:49.380
And if I don't see it working,

1723
01:45:49.380 --> 01:45:51.060
I'm like, okay, I don't see this working.

1724
01:45:51.060 --> 01:45:53.500
I'm sowing, I'm giving and nothing's happening.

1725
01:45:53.500 --> 01:45:55.340
So what am I, I blame myself.

1726
01:45:55.340 --> 01:45:56.860
What am I doing wrong?

1727
01:45:57.700 --> 01:46:00.660
And I get mad and just frustrated.

1728
01:46:00.660 --> 01:46:01.780
And I understand too.

1729
01:46:01.780 --> 01:46:04.340
And that's why I said, I don't know all the details.

1730
01:46:04.340 --> 01:46:05.500
So I always want to tread lightly

1731
01:46:05.500 --> 01:46:08.340
because I don't ever want someone to feel,

1732
01:46:08.340 --> 01:46:10.220
I'm so glad when all of you share.

1733
01:46:10.220 --> 01:46:12.520
And so I don't want you to ever feel like, oh my God,

1734
01:46:12.520 --> 01:46:14.560
I never want to get in the heartwork seat ever again.

1735
01:46:14.560 --> 01:46:15.400
That was brutal.

1736
01:46:15.400 --> 01:46:16.220
No, it's good.

1737
01:46:16.220 --> 01:46:17.620
And you know a little bit of stuff,

1738
01:46:17.620 --> 01:46:19.540
like with the school and stuff

1739
01:46:19.540 --> 01:46:21.940
and like nothing came and this didn't happen.

1740
01:46:21.940 --> 01:46:24.780
I was like, God, I feel like you dropped the ball on me.

1741
01:46:24.860 --> 01:46:26.660
I was like, what brought me to this school

1742
01:46:26.660 --> 01:46:28.220
and then now I can't do it.

1743
01:46:28.220 --> 01:46:29.580
Now I have to drop out.

1744
01:46:29.580 --> 01:46:31.780
Yeah, so one of the things I want to,

1745
01:46:31.780 --> 01:46:33.300
if you all will look, okay.

1746
01:46:33.300 --> 01:46:35.620
So not that we're going to get into financials tonight,

1747
01:46:35.620 --> 01:46:37.520
but I do feel like it's important to mention this

1748
01:46:37.520 --> 01:46:40.380
because of something you just mentioned there as well.

1749
01:46:40.380 --> 01:46:43.760
So one of the things it talks about is the storehouse.

1750
01:46:45.880 --> 01:46:47.780
That God blesses the storehouse.

1751
01:46:47.780 --> 01:46:51.860
Well, that's money and savings, you all, it is.

1752
01:46:51.860 --> 01:46:55.700
And so many times people do get caught up in giving,

1753
01:46:55.700 --> 01:46:56.980
giving, giving, giving, giving.

1754
01:46:56.980 --> 01:46:59.500
And like you all, I love to be generous.

1755
01:46:59.500 --> 01:47:01.420
I love to give to people.

1756
01:47:01.420 --> 01:47:03.900
Understand that I'm saying this from a place

1757
01:47:03.900 --> 01:47:07.520
I do love to be generous.

1758
01:47:07.520 --> 01:47:11.740
But one of the things God convicted me of years ago

1759
01:47:11.740 --> 01:47:14.020
is if I keep giving to the point

1760
01:47:14.020 --> 01:47:16.900
that I can't even pay my bills,

1761
01:47:16.900 --> 01:47:18.980
I have something out of balance.

1762
01:47:22.620 --> 01:47:24.000
There needs to be balance.

1763
01:47:24.000 --> 01:47:25.820
God wants us to give,

1764
01:47:25.820 --> 01:47:28.820
but not to the point that we're not paying our bills.

1765
01:47:28.820 --> 01:47:32.380
So working with a financial advisor

1766
01:47:32.380 --> 01:47:34.900
or someone that can coach you

1767
01:47:34.900 --> 01:47:37.040
regarding how to start developing

1768
01:47:37.040 --> 01:47:39.940
some of those muscles and skills will be,

1769
01:47:39.940 --> 01:47:43.220
man, a huge benefit to you, Dawn, 100%.

1770
01:47:43.220 --> 01:47:45.660
I think it will be really, really helpful

1771
01:47:45.660 --> 01:47:47.860
and preferably not someone that is cloaked

1772
01:47:47.860 --> 01:47:49.940
in a lot of religious mindsets.

1773
01:47:50.900 --> 01:47:51.740
Yeah.

1774
01:47:51.740 --> 01:47:55.940
Someone that has a heart that loves the Lord,

1775
01:47:55.940 --> 01:47:58.740
that walks in the fruits of the spirit,

1776
01:47:58.740 --> 01:48:02.660
but doesn't speak religion language.

1777
01:48:02.660 --> 01:48:03.500
Yeah.

1778
01:48:03.500 --> 01:48:05.340
And if you need help, you know, I know you're not,

1779
01:48:05.340 --> 01:48:07.820
you're a couple hours away from me.

1780
01:48:07.820 --> 01:48:11.180
I could absolutely try to see if I can find,

1781
01:48:11.180 --> 01:48:13.400
I know some people up that way

1782
01:48:13.400 --> 01:48:15.780
because my husband's in the Florida district.

1783
01:48:15.780 --> 01:48:17.420
And so I could put some feelers out

1784
01:48:17.420 --> 01:48:19.420
and see if I can find somebody

1785
01:48:19.420 --> 01:48:21.580
that might be able to help in your area

1786
01:48:21.580 --> 01:48:23.180
and I can reach out to you.

1787
01:48:23.180 --> 01:48:24.900
So I will work on that.

1788
01:48:24.900 --> 01:48:26.160
Yeah, definitely.

1789
01:48:26.160 --> 01:48:27.000
Yeah.

1790
01:48:27.000 --> 01:48:28.980
I'll work on that in the next few days.

1791
01:48:28.980 --> 01:48:30.540
Yeah, it's my pleasure.

1792
01:48:30.540 --> 01:48:33.580
You all, thank you for sharing your stories and your lives.

1793
01:48:33.580 --> 01:48:34.780
We went a little over.

1794
01:48:34.780 --> 01:48:36.260
I hope this has been a blessing to you.

1795
01:48:36.260 --> 01:48:38.220
I hope it's helping.

1796
01:48:38.220 --> 01:48:39.580
Definitely, if you're getting

1797
01:48:39.580 --> 01:48:40.980
any kind of breakthrough from this,

1798
01:48:40.980 --> 01:48:42.500
come in and share in the group, you know,

1799
01:48:42.500 --> 01:48:43.540
because your breakthrough

1800
01:48:43.540 --> 01:48:45.700
is gonna create breakthrough for other people.

1801
01:48:45.700 --> 01:48:48.520
Also, if you have questions, you know,

1802
01:48:48.520 --> 01:48:51.820
just come in as you're processing and share in the groups

1803
01:48:51.820 --> 01:48:53.380
and we can help you unpack this more.

1804
01:48:53.380 --> 01:48:56.820
God has so much more for us in the days to come, all of us.

1805
01:48:56.820 --> 01:48:58.220
So Father, I'm gonna pray for us.

1806
01:48:58.220 --> 01:49:01.180
Father, thank you so much for everything that you do.

1807
01:49:01.180 --> 01:49:03.380
God, thank you for helping us to,

1808
01:49:05.260 --> 01:49:06.260
just what I hear in my spirit,

1809
01:49:06.260 --> 01:49:08.500
take off any rose colored glasses, Lord,

1810
01:49:08.500 --> 01:49:09.820
that we would see you clearly,

1811
01:49:09.820 --> 01:49:12.180
that we would see that you are a good father

1812
01:49:12.180 --> 01:49:14.260
who does give good gifts to your children.

1813
01:49:14.660 --> 01:49:17.580
And Lord, that you would continue to meet us on our path

1814
01:49:17.580 --> 01:49:18.820
as we're walking towards you,

1815
01:49:18.820 --> 01:49:21.780
that you would bring revelation and insight

1816
01:49:21.780 --> 01:49:23.820
and help us to hear what your spirit

1817
01:49:23.820 --> 01:49:25.060
is saying in every moment.

1818
01:49:25.060 --> 01:49:28.000
God, I thank you that you're gonna help us to overcome fear,

1819
01:49:28.000 --> 01:49:30.660
that you're gonna help us to, yeah, Lord,

1820
01:49:30.660 --> 01:49:33.740
not just put a bandaid over the symptom,

1821
01:49:33.740 --> 01:49:35.660
but to ask you to reveal the root

1822
01:49:35.660 --> 01:49:38.220
of what's really causing these behaviors

1823
01:49:38.220 --> 01:49:40.020
and these unhealthy patterns in our lives.

1824
01:49:40.020 --> 01:49:42.100
We thank you for revealings, for healing

1825
01:49:42.140 --> 01:49:45.100
that are gonna happen, acceleration in our community.

1826
01:49:45.100 --> 01:49:47.100
And we thank you for grace.

1827
01:49:47.100 --> 01:49:50.900
We thank you for hope and joy to continue to be,

1828
01:49:50.900 --> 01:49:54.100
yeah, Lord, stirred up in us in such a way

1829
01:49:54.100 --> 01:49:58.020
that we would just bring glory to you, Lord.

1830
01:49:58.020 --> 01:50:00.220
And we thank you, Lord, for.

1831
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:08.700
Psalm 27 13 that we would experience the goodness of God in the land of the living and we believe all these things in Jesus name.

1832
01:50:08.700 --> 01:50:14.200
I hope you all have a great rest of your night. God bless you. We'll be seeing you in the group everyone. Bye.

1833
01:50:14.900 --> 01:50:16.000
Thank you.

1834
01:50:16.400 --> 01:50:17.400
Bye. You're welcome.