WEBVTT

1
00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:45.240
Hey Alana! Hello. How are you doing? Oh, I can't hear you. Can you hear me now?

2
00:00:46.600 --> 00:00:55.080
Maybe not. I think my headphones weren't working. Okay, I was gonna say because I

3
00:00:55.080 --> 00:01:03.600
can hear you, my, my, this one isn't working. Let me test them.

4
00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:31.440
Okay, I don't need my headphones in. Okay, all good. Can you hear me now? Yeah, I

5
00:01:31.440 --> 00:01:35.720
could hear you. My, my thing I think is my headphones being in. Maybe something's

6
00:01:35.720 --> 00:01:42.720
wrong with them or it doesn't matter. It's okay. How are you? I'm doing good. How

7
00:01:42.720 --> 00:01:47.240
are you doing? Good. Are you still at the conference? I am. I am. All my friends are,

8
00:01:47.240 --> 00:01:51.040
we just finished and eating, so I have my earbuds in so no one can hear you, but

9
00:01:51.040 --> 00:01:58.480
they're walking by and we had an amazing dinner. Oh my word. Yeah. Yeah. What did you

10
00:01:58.480 --> 00:02:08.240
eat? Um, oh my goodness. We had chicken and steak, like tenderloin steak, and what was

11
00:02:08.240 --> 00:02:15.360
the other meat? Oh, fish. Salmon, particularly. Grilled Brussels sprouts,

12
00:02:15.360 --> 00:02:24.640
grilled spinach, macaroni, like baked macaroni and cheese, mushrooms, which I

13
00:02:24.640 --> 00:02:32.240
think was made like a wine butter sauce. Um, I think I mentioned garlic spinach and

14
00:02:32.240 --> 00:02:35.640
what else? I think there was something else, but anyway, it was, and of course,

15
00:02:35.640 --> 00:02:41.240
um, we all drink wine and so we had really nice bottles of wine. Hey, did you

16
00:02:41.240 --> 00:02:51.920
need it? Do you need in here? I can move. Oh, I appreciate, no, just my purse, and so if y'all

17
00:02:51.920 --> 00:02:56.280
need to move it to the floor, you can. If my purse is on the, is on the swing, and

18
00:02:56.280 --> 00:03:04.720
so if you need to move it off, you can. Yeah. Sorry. Um, so, um, yeah, so anyway, I guess I

19
00:03:04.720 --> 00:03:09.200
finished saying what we've had for dinner. Well, that's awesome. So what's

20
00:03:09.200 --> 00:03:18.960
the conference about? So the conference is about basically how to, how, how to

21
00:03:18.960 --> 00:03:23.960
manifest or how God intended our bodies to work so that we can manifest heaven

22
00:03:23.960 --> 00:03:28.840
to earth through our bodies instead of like thinking we have to ignore our

23
00:03:28.840 --> 00:03:34.400
bodies and that our bodies aren't useful and all of that, but really that God has

24
00:03:34.400 --> 00:03:39.760
a desire for us to redeem our bodies so that they're supposed to be in all

25
00:03:39.760 --> 00:03:48.480
health and etc. So that's the pathway of explaining. Is it a week long? It was five

26
00:03:48.480 --> 00:03:53.040
days, but then my friends and I are hanging out until Sunday. So we're all

27
00:03:53.040 --> 00:03:58.360
staying like about a week and a half here at the resort. So it, we're in a big,

28
00:03:58.360 --> 00:04:02.360
in a big lodge right now, so you can tell. Where are you? The guys are staying here

29
00:04:02.360 --> 00:04:06.080
at the, in Missouri, and so the guys are staying here at the lodge, and then us

30
00:04:06.080 --> 00:04:09.480
girls are staying a few cabins down because there's only three of us girls,

31
00:04:09.480 --> 00:04:15.520
and there's like, I don't know how many guys. I don't know. Let's see. One, two,

32
00:04:15.520 --> 00:04:29.040
three, four, five, six, seven, eight. That's a nice balance. Yeah. Anyone, any cute, any cute boys for you?

33
00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:35.440
We just all enjoy just being friends. I'm trying to remember, I'm trying to

34
00:04:35.440 --> 00:04:41.040
remember if only one of them is married. I'm trying to remember are any of them

35
00:04:41.040 --> 00:04:59.960
married? Only one is. So, which is nice because it's, you know, it's also fun to be around people that, you know, if you're not married, to be around other people who aren't, who aren't married. So it's just, you know, it's just relaxing, and you don't feel like a fifth wheel, or a third wheel, or a seventh wheel, or whatever.

36
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.160
Anyway, yeah. So how about you? What are you up to? How have you been?

37
00:05:04.160 --> 00:05:07.360
How was the answer I gave on Marco Polo? Did that

38
00:05:07.360 --> 00:05:10.720
answer? You know what? It was it was really good and I want to go back and

39
00:05:10.720 --> 00:05:12.960
listen to it again because it was really good and

40
00:05:12.960 --> 00:05:18.080
okay it's interesting um some things have happened since then

41
00:05:18.080 --> 00:05:24.880
and I've kind of okay so with that girl I it was really bothering me so I called

42
00:05:24.880 --> 00:05:28.560
my friend the one who um like I haven't even talked to my

43
00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:33.600
husband about it but I called my friend the one who called it the cult um who

44
00:05:33.600 --> 00:05:36.560
went away and was like this is a cult went to my

45
00:05:36.560 --> 00:05:40.080
pastor our pastor anyway I went to I called her up and I'm

46
00:05:40.080 --> 00:05:42.960
like I just need to talk to you about something and I sent her a picture of

47
00:05:42.960 --> 00:05:47.040
the girl and I'll just I'll give you an image just

48
00:05:47.040 --> 00:05:51.600
so you get an idea of like what she kind of looks like that yeah

49
00:05:51.600 --> 00:05:58.240
so this is this is a picture of her oh yeah so kind of and this is a picture

50
00:05:58.240 --> 00:06:02.320
of the leader of the cult

51
00:06:02.320 --> 00:06:08.960
wow do you see the similarity yeah they both have these

52
00:06:08.960 --> 00:06:13.600
this look to them that's like yeah something's not right

53
00:06:13.600 --> 00:06:19.360
and I I'm actually really curious if you're open to it I'd love to

54
00:06:19.360 --> 00:06:23.520
send you those two pictures just to see with your discernment if you see

55
00:06:23.520 --> 00:06:27.920
anything in them because I told you I already do

56
00:06:27.920 --> 00:06:34.880
okay interesting what do you see um uh in fact if you look at a picture of

57
00:06:34.880 --> 00:06:38.320
Elon Musk's new wife you'll see something similar you'll see

58
00:06:38.320 --> 00:06:43.440
the same look really yeah yeah

59
00:06:43.440 --> 00:06:50.000
um yeah it's um and and those things cannot be discerned with physical eyes

60
00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:52.960
it can only be discerned through the spirit which is how you're discerning

61
00:06:52.960 --> 00:06:57.040
it um yeah because otherwise in

62
00:06:57.120 --> 00:07:02.720
in um in the current world those that look and those women look like

63
00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:06.320
the heights of sensuality sexuality which is

64
00:07:06.320 --> 00:07:10.560
considered to be the height of a beauty and

65
00:07:10.560 --> 00:07:16.240
desirability and uh like this they

66
00:07:16.240 --> 00:07:22.480
considered to be a tangible um uh six uh achievement of success as a

67
00:07:22.480 --> 00:07:26.320
woman again as a world size not in anything

68
00:07:26.320 --> 00:07:29.680
of value according to the lord but anyway but yeah

69
00:07:29.680 --> 00:07:33.760
there's something um there's agreement

70
00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:37.680
I'm not declaring over these women I'm just saying so please don't take what

71
00:07:37.680 --> 00:07:42.720
I'm saying is like a declaration of what it is that they've done but

72
00:07:42.720 --> 00:07:48.240
what it what the idea that I get from looking at their pictures reminds

73
00:07:48.240 --> 00:07:51.360
me of the look that people have I'm not saying

74
00:07:51.360 --> 00:07:56.240
they have them but the look that people have when they've made an agreement

75
00:07:56.240 --> 00:07:59.680
it with that other realm you know meaning like uh

76
00:07:59.680 --> 00:08:06.320
uh you know if uh with uh the um with where they've traded some aspect of

77
00:08:06.320 --> 00:08:11.200
themselves or you know their genes or whatever

78
00:08:11.200 --> 00:08:15.520
and future you know future generations for current

79
00:08:15.520 --> 00:08:21.120
benefits um and then they can you know anyway so it's kind of like

80
00:08:21.120 --> 00:08:24.720
Faust do you remember Faust the story of Faust

81
00:08:24.720 --> 00:08:32.320
how he sold his soul to the to um Satan um and what was his name

82
00:08:32.320 --> 00:08:36.320
uh Faust sold it to it starts with an m meta

83
00:08:36.320 --> 00:08:40.320
meta something anyway um and it was an old classic story

84
00:08:40.320 --> 00:08:44.720
of I think it's German and it translated into English and all of that but it's

85
00:08:44.720 --> 00:08:49.840
about a man who sold his soul to the devil for benefit and um

86
00:08:49.840 --> 00:08:53.680
and then at the end he you know it's time to pay the piper

87
00:08:53.680 --> 00:08:57.600
and he has to and he goes to hell and etc so

88
00:08:57.600 --> 00:09:01.680
um anyway yeah it's very it's very common like the Freemason world and

89
00:09:01.680 --> 00:09:06.640
whatever but some people like like uh these like possibly you

90
00:09:06.640 --> 00:09:09.840
maybe um you know normal lay people who aren't

91
00:09:09.840 --> 00:09:16.480
in the Freemasonry movement or anything they can have made agreements just like

92
00:09:16.480 --> 00:09:19.760
we can make agreements that we're don't realize that we're

93
00:09:19.760 --> 00:09:24.640
making um they can make agreements

94
00:09:24.640 --> 00:09:30.800
why um that and uh you know um with with Satan or whatever

95
00:09:30.800 --> 00:09:36.960
sacrificing certain elements of their their nature of you know being

96
00:09:36.960 --> 00:09:42.320
someone who was created in God's image and um and they're trading that for

97
00:09:42.320 --> 00:09:47.280
success fame comfort security and whatnot so

98
00:09:47.280 --> 00:09:53.680
and um those and then we can discern on them because they've made a trade

99
00:09:53.680 --> 00:09:57.760
they've changed they reflect the nature of their father

100
00:09:57.760 --> 00:10:02.000
which is Satan

101
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:05.000
I don't mean that Satan begat them or anything.

102
00:10:05.120 --> 00:10:10.120
It's just that what you say is your,

103
00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:18.000
that your father is someone that you reflect.

104
00:10:19.560 --> 00:10:21.600
And that's why Jesus was telling people in the Bible,

105
00:10:21.600 --> 00:10:26.600
hey, you know what, you are speaking of your father, Satan.

106
00:10:26.960 --> 00:10:29.320
Your father is Satan or whatever he was saying

107
00:10:29.320 --> 00:10:31.800
to the Pharisees and then when he was telling Peter,

108
00:10:31.800 --> 00:10:33.520
he said, get thee behind me, Satan or whatever,

109
00:10:33.520 --> 00:10:36.400
because the things that these people are saying

110
00:10:36.400 --> 00:10:41.400
reflects the character of one who does not believe God,

111
00:10:42.320 --> 00:10:44.080
which is Satan, because Satan is saying,

112
00:10:44.080 --> 00:10:46.360
God, you're not a good father.

113
00:10:46.360 --> 00:10:49.560
And so if we say, God, you're not a good father,

114
00:10:49.560 --> 00:10:51.640
and I have to provide for and protect myself,

115
00:10:51.640 --> 00:10:52.960
which is what Satan chose to do

116
00:10:52.960 --> 00:10:55.320
and what he tries to convince all of us to do,

117
00:10:56.200 --> 00:10:59.920
then we're reflecting the nature, his nature,

118
00:10:59.920 --> 00:11:02.520
and whoever's nature we're reflecting,

119
00:11:02.520 --> 00:11:06.160
that the Bible refers to us as our father,

120
00:11:06.160 --> 00:11:07.360
even though he's not saying

121
00:11:07.360 --> 00:11:08.840
that God is not our father anymore,

122
00:11:08.840 --> 00:11:09.840
only Satan is our father.

123
00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:11.000
He's not saying that.

124
00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:13.400
He's not saying that we've switched fathers.

125
00:11:14.320 --> 00:11:15.920
He's just saying that, hey, look,

126
00:11:15.920 --> 00:11:18.800
you're reflecting that person's nature,

127
00:11:18.800 --> 00:11:20.240
because that's what a father is.

128
00:11:20.240 --> 00:11:23.480
A son reflects the nature of his father.

129
00:11:23.480 --> 00:11:25.720
So whatever it is that we're reflecting

130
00:11:25.720 --> 00:11:30.720
is evidence of the nature of who it is

131
00:11:31.400 --> 00:11:33.760
that we're following, really.

132
00:11:33.760 --> 00:11:35.560
That's why it looks like that.

133
00:11:35.560 --> 00:11:36.840
That's why they get that look.

134
00:11:36.840 --> 00:11:38.720
And whatever it is that we agree with

135
00:11:38.720 --> 00:11:41.120
will manifest from every inch of the physical,

136
00:11:41.120 --> 00:11:44.080
and that's why they can all get particular looks

137
00:11:44.080 --> 00:11:48.200
on the outside, and they can all look kind of similar.

138
00:11:49.360 --> 00:11:52.280
It's really weird, because I was thinking about

139
00:11:52.360 --> 00:11:53.800
all of that last night,

140
00:11:53.800 --> 00:11:58.280
and I was thinking about how the enemy comes

141
00:11:58.280 --> 00:12:00.800
disguised as an angel of light,

142
00:12:00.800 --> 00:12:05.280
and especially with the cult leader, who I call Jamie,

143
00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:14.200
she presents as an angel of light, like magnetic.

144
00:12:16.360 --> 00:12:19.280
You might not be, because you're extremely

145
00:12:19.280 --> 00:12:22.240
in tune with the spirit and very discerning,

146
00:12:23.160 --> 00:12:26.000
and everyone else I know is very drawn to her.

147
00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:28.400
And I was watching this series right now

148
00:12:28.400 --> 00:12:29.920
that's called The Chosen.

149
00:12:29.920 --> 00:12:31.120
Have you heard of it?

150
00:12:31.120 --> 00:12:32.960
Yeah, yeah, it's very good.

151
00:12:32.960 --> 00:12:35.360
It is, and have you watched it?

152
00:12:35.360 --> 00:12:38.520
I haven't finished it, but yes, I've been watching it, yeah.

153
00:12:38.520 --> 00:12:41.320
I've watched two seasons, 27 episodes.

154
00:12:41.320 --> 00:12:46.320
So on around episode six, seven, eight,

155
00:12:46.720 --> 00:12:48.960
they start to really get to this place

156
00:12:48.960 --> 00:12:52.120
where the disciples are worshiping Jesus,

157
00:12:52.960 --> 00:12:54.200
and they're following him, and he's calling them,

158
00:12:54.200 --> 00:12:55.240
and they're following him.

159
00:12:55.240 --> 00:12:57.640
And we know that story and everything,

160
00:12:57.640 --> 00:13:00.360
but I was getting so triggered last night,

161
00:13:00.360 --> 00:13:03.920
I was in tears, because I was watching,

162
00:13:03.920 --> 00:13:07.040
I think it was episodes seven and eight,

163
00:13:07.040 --> 00:13:11.400
and that's what Jamie does to people.

164
00:13:11.400 --> 00:13:14.440
She does the same thing that Jesus does.

165
00:13:14.440 --> 00:13:17.480
She calls people to follow her.

166
00:13:17.480 --> 00:13:19.800
She acts a lot like him,

167
00:13:19.840 --> 00:13:22.960
but she mixes it in with abuse,

168
00:13:22.960 --> 00:13:25.240
and manipulation, and exploitation, and evil.

169
00:13:25.240 --> 00:13:27.280
But when I got caught up in it,

170
00:13:27.280 --> 00:13:28.600
I couldn't see all of that,

171
00:13:28.600 --> 00:13:29.440
because she would say,

172
00:13:29.440 --> 00:13:31.600
I only do this because I love you.

173
00:13:31.600 --> 00:13:33.040
I don't wanna have to be so mean,

174
00:13:33.040 --> 00:13:35.160
and all sorts of other things.

175
00:13:35.160 --> 00:13:38.000
And she was calling me out,

176
00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:40.560
because she thought I had this greatness inside,

177
00:13:40.560 --> 00:13:41.640
and she wanted to pull it out,

178
00:13:41.640 --> 00:13:44.120
but she did it in a way that was very abusive.

179
00:13:44.120 --> 00:13:46.320
So that's the difference between them.

180
00:13:46.320 --> 00:13:48.640
But what triggered me was,

181
00:13:48.640 --> 00:13:52.680
I was like, when you get involved with a person like that,

182
00:13:52.680 --> 00:13:54.840
and you get so caught up in them,

183
00:13:54.840 --> 00:13:57.280
that she actually reminded me of Jesus,

184
00:13:57.280 --> 00:13:58.680
if he was walking the earth,

185
00:13:58.680 --> 00:14:00.880
it was that crazy.

186
00:14:02.520 --> 00:14:05.440
I was triggered, because I'm like,

187
00:14:06.520 --> 00:14:07.720
I know this isn't true,

188
00:14:07.720 --> 00:14:09.840
but I'm like, what if Jesus was a narcissist,

189
00:14:09.840 --> 00:14:11.080
and he was walking the earth,

190
00:14:11.080 --> 00:14:12.280
just like she was,

191
00:14:12.280 --> 00:14:14.480
and he got all these people to follow him.

192
00:14:14.480 --> 00:14:16.840
I know that's not true.

193
00:14:16.840 --> 00:14:19.360
And it's like a trigger for me,

194
00:14:19.360 --> 00:14:21.160
because I'm like, if she was able to do that,

195
00:14:21.160 --> 00:14:23.720
and still is able to do that,

196
00:14:23.720 --> 00:14:25.800
then how is it that,

197
00:14:26.920 --> 00:14:29.280
how do we know who's real and who isn't?

198
00:14:30.560 --> 00:14:34.320
Yeah, it says that our spirit witnesses

199
00:14:34.320 --> 00:14:36.120
that we are the children of God.

200
00:14:36.120 --> 00:14:37.640
That's how we know.

201
00:14:37.640 --> 00:14:39.680
This is spirit witnesses to our spirit,

202
00:14:39.680 --> 00:14:41.280
that we are the children of God.

203
00:14:42.360 --> 00:14:45.080
And so that's how we know.

204
00:14:45.640 --> 00:14:47.120
We know the voice of our father.

205
00:14:47.120 --> 00:14:49.240
There's something within us that comes to life.

206
00:14:49.240 --> 00:14:51.440
There's something within us that resonates,

207
00:14:51.440 --> 00:14:55.760
that responds, that makes us feel like we're home.

208
00:14:56.840 --> 00:14:58.240
That kind of a thing.

209
00:14:58.240 --> 00:15:00.080
Also remember that.

210
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:06.040
at, I know that it gets confusing and can be a little, um, very disconcerting and,

211
00:15:06.520 --> 00:15:12.440
and, um, there's another word I'm looking for, but anyway, uh, where we do what,

212
00:15:12.600 --> 00:15:15.720
what you were talking about, like where we see the counterfeit, it makes us,

213
00:15:16.000 --> 00:15:19.640
it makes us, and we can recognize it finally as the counterfeit, but it makes

214
00:15:19.640 --> 00:15:24.320
us then begin to doubt the real, we realize how it makes us feel like our

215
00:15:24.320 --> 00:15:30.200
world and our perception of our world is so fragile because it's like, Oh my

216
00:15:30.200 --> 00:15:35.360
word, if it was so easy to create a counterfeit, you know, and I, and I,

217
00:15:35.560 --> 00:15:39.600
you know, and I, uh, didn't notice it and I didn't, I didn't recognize it.

218
00:15:39.600 --> 00:15:40.520
I didn't discern it.

219
00:15:40.840 --> 00:15:41.320
Oh my goodness.

220
00:15:41.320 --> 00:15:42.960
Am I sure I'm doing the right thing over here?

221
00:15:42.960 --> 00:15:46.760
Everything all of a sudden starts to feel very fragile, which again is why the

222
00:15:46.760 --> 00:15:49.760
Lord says, you know, you have to believe me.

223
00:15:49.760 --> 00:15:55.240
You have to choose me because I said, and it says that our spirits witness to

224
00:15:55.240 --> 00:15:58.320
our spirit, that the spirit witnesses to our spirit, that we're the children of

225
00:15:58.320 --> 00:15:58.600
God.

226
00:15:58.920 --> 00:16:03.200
He said, he said, my sheep know my voice.

227
00:16:03.600 --> 00:16:06.240
So we know deep down.

228
00:16:06.840 --> 00:16:12.080
We, uh, you know, in our spirits and in the very essence of our being, we actually

229
00:16:12.080 --> 00:16:12.520
know.

230
00:16:13.040 --> 00:16:18.840
Um, and, um, and that is how, if you think about it again, that's how you

231
00:16:18.840 --> 00:16:26.400
recognize the counterfeit is you, um, you knew your spirit knew the truth.

232
00:16:27.000 --> 00:16:31.720
So when it, when it came down to it, you could recognize the counterfeit.

233
00:16:32.680 --> 00:16:37.320
And it was only because you knew the truth, not because someone had convinced

234
00:16:37.320 --> 00:16:42.920
you that Jesus was real, but because your spirit knew that Jesus was real and that

235
00:16:42.920 --> 00:16:44.880
this is how he operated and that he was loved.

236
00:16:44.920 --> 00:16:48.000
And that he was, you know, that he's a, he's goodness and that he's, he's

237
00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:49.760
fatherly and, and all of that.

238
00:16:50.320 --> 00:16:52.400
Um, that is how you recognize the counterfeit.

239
00:16:52.400 --> 00:16:58.400
So you can be assured that, that for yourself, that that is truth, because

240
00:16:58.600 --> 00:17:01.280
that's how you recognize what wasn't truth.

241
00:17:01.280 --> 00:17:04.520
And you didn't recognize it because it was a dichotomy or that it was the

242
00:17:04.520 --> 00:17:06.280
opposite or that it was anti.

243
00:17:06.760 --> 00:17:10.720
You recognized it because there's something inside of you, deep within you

244
00:17:10.720 --> 00:17:16.960
that cannot be explained, um, uh, very well, you know, in English, it's something

245
00:17:16.960 --> 00:17:22.880
that we just know in the very essence of our being, which is our spirit that such

246
00:17:22.880 --> 00:17:28.119
and such is true and it's a standard and it's an anchor against which

247
00:17:28.119 --> 00:17:29.440
we compare everything else.

248
00:17:31.800 --> 00:17:32.120
Yeah.

249
00:17:32.120 --> 00:17:39.640
So then with her, like, so with Jesus, when I gave my life to him, I felt peace

250
00:17:39.680 --> 00:17:43.120
except for right before, cause I was scared, but I felt peace.

251
00:17:43.160 --> 00:17:44.800
I felt joy.

252
00:17:44.800 --> 00:17:48.320
I felt like I was becoming a better person with her.

253
00:17:49.200 --> 00:17:53.600
When I first met her, something in my spirit said there was something very wrong,

254
00:17:53.600 --> 00:18:00.800
but I had enough people in her crew that convinced me that she was amazing, loving.

255
00:18:00.800 --> 00:18:01.160
Right.

256
00:18:01.760 --> 00:18:06.080
So I ended up being deceived, even though at the beginning I knew something was

257
00:18:06.080 --> 00:18:11.160
really off, I was still drawn to her as a person and drawn to the group.

258
00:18:11.200 --> 00:18:14.840
And then I believed that that was truth.

259
00:18:14.880 --> 00:18:21.120
I believed that I could do that with God and that he was going to be at the center of it.

260
00:18:22.520 --> 00:18:23.280
Sorry, go ahead.

261
00:18:23.400 --> 00:18:23.920
That's okay.

262
00:18:24.360 --> 00:18:26.400
That he was at the center.

263
00:18:27.160 --> 00:18:27.480
Sorry.

264
00:18:27.480 --> 00:18:28.320
I lost my train of thought.

265
00:18:28.400 --> 00:18:30.880
Um, I apologize.

266
00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:31.400
I'm sorry.

267
00:18:31.520 --> 00:18:32.360
No, no, that's okay.

268
00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:33.840
I, I tried to find a quiet spot.

269
00:18:33.840 --> 00:18:36.440
Like I'm in the dining room while everybody else was in another room.

270
00:18:36.440 --> 00:18:39.800
So that I can be, and I said it, my son said that people would say I'm talking

271
00:18:39.800 --> 00:18:41.720
to them, but I guess some people aren't seeing it.

272
00:18:41.720 --> 00:18:42.360
I apologize.

273
00:18:42.680 --> 00:18:43.200
That's okay.

274
00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:43.800
No problem.

275
00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:50.840
Um, but I, you know, at the beginning I knew, and then I got caught up in it and

276
00:18:50.840 --> 00:18:54.040
wanted to, I wanted to follow her.

277
00:18:54.040 --> 00:18:59.240
I wanted to have her pour into me, be a mentor, teach me.

278
00:18:59.800 --> 00:19:02.520
It was so similar to the disciples with Jesus.

279
00:19:03.040 --> 00:19:05.960
And, but it was hurting me.

280
00:19:05.960 --> 00:19:08.480
It was actually damaging me.

281
00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:12.560
I was in tears a lot, but not in a, not in a way that it was like

282
00:19:12.800 --> 00:19:14.680
tears that the Lord would give me.

283
00:19:14.680 --> 00:19:19.720
It was almost like tears of pain, tears of blaming myself, tears of

284
00:19:19.720 --> 00:19:23.520
condemnation, and something was wrong with me.

285
00:19:23.520 --> 00:19:27.120
And so that could be a difference too, maybe.

286
00:19:29.120 --> 00:19:30.320
A difference?

287
00:19:30.800 --> 00:19:31.360
Between like...

288
00:19:31.480 --> 00:19:33.280
Oh, between, yeah.

289
00:19:33.360 --> 00:19:34.280
Between the darkness and light.

290
00:19:34.280 --> 00:19:35.000
Yeah, correct.

291
00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:42.240
Because God does not bring blame, shame, condemnation, feelings of where

292
00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:45.040
you feel less than, worse, that kind of a thing.

293
00:19:45.040 --> 00:19:45.760
He does not.

294
00:19:46.160 --> 00:19:56.880
Um, and, uh, the religion has made us, has numbed us to, um, and, uh, and lied

295
00:19:56.880 --> 00:19:59.440
to us, making us believe that.

296
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.680
there there's two kinds of contemnation one from the Holy Spirit which we need

297
00:20:05.680 --> 00:20:10.360
to listen to and then one from Satan and it's just not true there is there for

298
00:20:10.360 --> 00:20:15.840
now no contemnation there is there for now no shame no obligation etc etc and

299
00:20:15.840 --> 00:20:24.240
so that and and when you were talking about how easy it was to that you had

300
00:20:24.240 --> 00:20:28.640
known the truth that you immediately are just like hey look something's wrong but

301
00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:33.920
then you were convinced otherwise by people same thing that same thing as Eve

302
00:20:33.920 --> 00:20:39.040
Eve had I don't know how long we do not know how long he Adam and Eve and that

303
00:20:39.040 --> 00:20:45.000
were in the garden before and the serpent tempted them and when when he

304
00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:49.720
tempted them he had to try to get her to convince herself so she knew the truth

305
00:20:49.720 --> 00:20:55.960
and all sudden she's like well I don't I don't know maybe you know it gets her to

306
00:20:55.960 --> 00:20:59.320
start to doubt herself like well I don't know maybe it's not like that

307
00:20:59.320 --> 00:21:03.120
because Satan's like yeah but God did God really say he didn't question like

308
00:21:03.120 --> 00:21:08.080
does God really exist you know are you sure that this that and the other he's

309
00:21:08.080 --> 00:21:12.240
like you know did you got to say that you know are you sure gonna start

310
00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:15.440
doubting that they've actually heard the Lord that the Lord actually said what

311
00:21:15.440 --> 00:21:19.040
they thought that they've interpreted and that they've understood etc etc so I

312
00:21:19.200 --> 00:21:26.200
mean even understood and knew and the end she started to combat sort of so to

313
00:21:26.200 --> 00:21:31.720
speak she began to refute what what the serpent was saying she's certain that

314
00:21:31.720 --> 00:21:37.280
asked her a question and she gave the answer God has said that it is and then

315
00:21:37.280 --> 00:21:41.600
say it's like okay yeah but you misunderstood that's not actually what

316
00:21:41.600 --> 00:21:46.280
God meant and and then didn't get need to kind of you know doubt herself and

317
00:21:46.440 --> 00:21:51.240
desire and realize what it is just like you did what it is that she really

318
00:21:51.240 --> 00:21:55.440
desired she did desire to please the Lord she desired to be wise she desired

319
00:21:55.440 --> 00:22:01.320
to know the right things to do correct that you know and all of that and she

320
00:22:01.320 --> 00:22:05.360
wanted she wanted a mentor she wanted to really so to speak she wanted a I'm

321
00:22:05.360 --> 00:22:09.440
drawing parallels between you and you and her I wanted a wonder relationship

322
00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:15.920
etc because she was built to to she was built to need all of those things but the

323
00:22:15.920 --> 00:22:21.160
difference is she was she was Satan may was tempting her to believe that she

324
00:22:21.160 --> 00:22:26.560
wasn't getting those things already and she had to look elsewhere that was the

325
00:22:26.560 --> 00:22:32.760
thing she already knew and then someone else came along and then got her to

326
00:22:32.760 --> 00:22:39.360
start doubting that she actually knew what she knew so it goes I mean Eve did

327
00:22:39.360 --> 00:22:45.160
it so we can all you know have compassion for for Eve because we're all

328
00:22:45.160 --> 00:22:49.400
presented with the same thing where we know and then everyone comes along to

329
00:22:49.400 --> 00:22:55.360
try to convince us otherwise and and we we begin to doubt and we begin to doubt

330
00:22:55.360 --> 00:23:02.120
that we know the truth and whatever well yeah and then I started it actually

331
00:23:02.120 --> 00:23:05.840
that's a really good parallel because I hadn't thought about that because I'm

332
00:23:05.840 --> 00:23:11.600
like why was I so deceived why didn't I see it and so then with Amy it took a

333
00:23:11.600 --> 00:23:15.560
while to snap me out of it because again if you know anything about the way

334
00:23:15.560 --> 00:23:20.200
cults run they are very addictive they have a way of pulling you in and it is

335
00:23:20.200 --> 00:23:24.200
hard to leave and I mean I because it always leaves you thirsty and hungry

336
00:23:24.200 --> 00:23:27.520
which is the opposite of Jesus which says you will hunger and thirst no more

337
00:23:27.520 --> 00:23:32.600
that's the goal to make it addictive is it never satisfies but it gives you

338
00:23:32.600 --> 00:23:35.640
enough where it let it makes you think that it's gonna satisfy because it

339
00:23:35.640 --> 00:23:39.160
satisfies you in the moment but it's not long term so you always have to go back

340
00:23:39.200 --> 00:23:44.840
with Jesus he said you will never thirst again so that's so true and you know

341
00:23:44.840 --> 00:23:51.240
it's September 9th today on the 18th 19th and 20th the group is coming back

342
00:23:51.240 --> 00:23:57.840
to my city they're like you know 5-10 minute drive away from where I live and

343
00:23:57.840 --> 00:24:03.920
they set up shop and they do a weekend seminar and try to recruit people and I

344
00:24:03.920 --> 00:24:10.280
I find that hard I don't know there's a lot of triggers going on for me I told

345
00:24:10.280 --> 00:24:16.120
you about my friend Sarah who's on the HBO special about NXIVM so I've chatted

346
00:24:16.120 --> 00:24:22.120
with her a little bit I can't I can't watch her special right now yeah I'm not

347
00:24:22.120 --> 00:24:31.560
ready and I and then my neighbor that girl Sabrina so I was struggling big

348
00:24:31.600 --> 00:24:37.560
time with her and didn't know why I just knew in my spirit something was off and

349
00:24:37.560 --> 00:24:43.080
I I've learned to trust it and I still question myself to know like am I

350
00:24:43.080 --> 00:24:50.840
actually legit in thinking this so I did some research last night to try to

351
00:24:50.840 --> 00:24:56.840
figure out why I was feeling this way about her so I found her on Facebook and

352
00:24:56.840 --> 00:25:01.960
I found her on Instagram and I started

353
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.560
looking through her profile, which as I dug deeper and deeper and went down the

354
00:25:04.560 --> 00:25:09.680
rabbit hole a little bit, not even that far, I clicked on her

355
00:25:09.680 --> 00:25:14.560
website and her Instagram,

356
00:25:14.560 --> 00:25:22.320
the people she follows, and her website. It's like borderline like porn

357
00:25:22.320 --> 00:25:27.920
that she's in. She's got like all these lingerie

358
00:25:27.920 --> 00:25:31.360
shots of herself, she's got very sexual positions,

359
00:25:31.360 --> 00:25:35.600
very demonic looks on her face, and she had one

360
00:25:35.600 --> 00:25:40.400
video of her like almost like she'd made a gif of herself like

361
00:25:40.400 --> 00:25:44.640
doing like awful things, like just like not nice things that you don't want to

362
00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:48.800
hear about. And I looked at that and I was like

363
00:25:48.800 --> 00:25:51.360
okay, now I know why I was like I don't want

364
00:25:51.360 --> 00:25:54.880
her around my daughter. And I didn't know any of this stuff

365
00:25:54.880 --> 00:25:58.480
before last night. I didn't want her around my daughter, I didn't want her

366
00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:03.440
around me. I felt this very negative energy. She's got

367
00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:08.480
she's got a lot of, she follows a lot of women who do like lingerie modeling

368
00:26:08.480 --> 00:26:13.760
and she talks about like her wife, this other girl who's like openly

369
00:26:13.760 --> 00:26:20.880
like bisexual or gay or something on her own page. And

370
00:26:20.880 --> 00:26:25.040
so there's a lot going on there sexually that I think

371
00:26:25.040 --> 00:26:28.640
is not healthy. Like I think it's coming from a really dark place because I don't

372
00:26:28.640 --> 00:26:32.640
want to judge about it. And I mean I've, before I was a

373
00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:35.520
Christian, I was very lost and I did my share of

374
00:26:35.520 --> 00:26:38.320
things that I shouldn't have done that I'm sure the Lord was like

375
00:26:38.320 --> 00:26:42.320
this is not my best for you. But I was making those choices

376
00:26:42.320 --> 00:26:46.400
and so there's no judgment on that. But I think

377
00:26:46.400 --> 00:26:50.080
my struggle is when I meet someone like that I'm

378
00:26:50.080 --> 00:26:56.000
so affected by them. I'm so torn up inside about them. I used to be like I

379
00:26:56.000 --> 00:26:59.360
want to help them. Now I've gotten to a point where I know

380
00:26:59.360 --> 00:27:04.160
that it's not for me to help them. They're almost too far gone to the

381
00:27:04.160 --> 00:27:07.600
other side for me to actually be able to help them.

382
00:27:07.600 --> 00:27:10.960
So I can cut that off now which is healthier for sure.

383
00:27:10.960 --> 00:27:17.600
But I'm so affected that I don't know how to even be

384
00:27:17.600 --> 00:27:20.880
when someone like that comes around because it

385
00:27:20.880 --> 00:27:25.120
bothers me on such a deep level. And I'm glad that I knew that I could

386
00:27:25.120 --> 00:27:29.360
trust myself after I dug a little deeper and found this stuff out.

387
00:27:29.360 --> 00:27:33.520
And it just made me realize like maybe my discernment is better than I thought

388
00:27:33.520 --> 00:27:37.440
or maybe because I question myself a lot. I don't

389
00:27:37.440 --> 00:27:43.760
want to be wrong about it, right? I know. Yeah. Yeah, correct. And that was

390
00:27:43.760 --> 00:27:45.200
something that I was thinking about when

391
00:27:45.200 --> 00:27:48.400
when you've been talking and not just this

392
00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:51.600
time but other times we've talked about this before is that

393
00:27:51.600 --> 00:27:59.600
is the the fact that you need to

394
00:27:59.600 --> 00:28:07.600
you need to take the

395
00:28:07.600 --> 00:28:12.480
not the task what would the word be take the charge

396
00:28:12.480 --> 00:28:16.800
to start trusting yourself. You need to take the charge

397
00:28:16.800 --> 00:28:21.920
very very very seriously. I recommend do whatever you want. Take it for the

398
00:28:21.920 --> 00:28:25.120
Lord. But I recommend that you take the charge

399
00:28:25.120 --> 00:28:31.840
very seriously in this in this season to actually trust yourself.

400
00:28:31.840 --> 00:28:39.520
To trust and step out and act on it. That you believe because if you

401
00:28:39.520 --> 00:28:46.080
if you truly believe that if you yeah if you truly

402
00:28:46.080 --> 00:28:51.440
trust yourself you will act like whatever it is that came out of

403
00:28:51.440 --> 00:28:54.880
you. Like if you you had a particular you

404
00:28:54.960 --> 00:28:58.640
you believed that someone you shouldn't you know connect with someone or you

405
00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:01.440
believe that you should connect with someone or whatever

406
00:29:01.440 --> 00:29:05.760
then if you if you actually trust yourself you will act on whatever it is

407
00:29:05.760 --> 00:29:11.200
what's coming out of you. So and and again it's

408
00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:15.120
choosing something just like with the Lord choosing

409
00:29:15.120 --> 00:29:19.360
choosing that what he says is true and then you will come to believe it and

410
00:29:19.360 --> 00:29:23.200
then you will come to prove and then you will see the proof of it.

411
00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:28.400
And and that's what I had to do. I had to

412
00:29:28.400 --> 00:29:35.280
I had to start testing things by choosing to believe

413
00:29:35.280 --> 00:29:42.160
that I really did this. That that I would be protected.

414
00:29:42.160 --> 00:29:46.320
That God would protect me because truly I desired

415
00:29:46.320 --> 00:29:49.680
to this was back when I was learning to trust myself. I still am. I'm still

416
00:29:49.680 --> 00:29:56.080
learning and I'm still on a dream but I went through a in a more intense

417
00:29:56.080 --> 00:30:01.920
time a bit when God began to do that last fall.

418
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.000
I guess.

419
00:30:01.000 --> 00:30:02.400
So it was a year ago.

420
00:30:02.400 --> 00:30:06.640
And I had one lady, I had this big long conversation with this lady and her husband and my brother.

421
00:30:06.640 --> 00:30:09.840
I had him be there with me and then we, they were talking, they were walking, helping me

422
00:30:09.840 --> 00:30:12.600
walk through some things, major transition in my life.

423
00:30:12.600 --> 00:30:17.600
And out of the entire, everything that it is that they said, the thing that, that I,

424
00:30:17.600 --> 00:30:22.160
that is just kind of like echoed, you know, in my mind throughout this whole year is she,

425
00:30:22.160 --> 00:30:25.880
she said, actually, basically everything comes down to the fact that, because we talked about

426
00:30:25.880 --> 00:30:29.840
the Lord and she said, everything comes down to the fact that you just need to learn to

427
00:30:29.840 --> 00:30:31.080
trust yourself.

428
00:30:31.080 --> 00:30:38.240
And by that, what she meant was, Ashley, you desire to, you desire to, um, to do with the,

429
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:41.080
what you, what the father wants you to do.

430
00:30:41.080 --> 00:30:42.680
You desire to reflect his character.

431
00:30:42.680 --> 00:30:44.700
You desire to reflect his love.

432
00:30:44.700 --> 00:30:49.000
You don't desire to go off and do your own thing and reject and abandon the Lord.

433
00:30:49.000 --> 00:30:51.320
And you desire to follow him.

434
00:30:51.320 --> 00:30:58.760
So therefore you have to trust that what is coming up out of you is born out of that desire.

435
00:30:58.760 --> 00:31:03.680
Sometimes, even if it, if it's not because your ultimate desire is for the Lord, you

436
00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:09.040
have to trust that if you step out testing and, and, and experimenting like a child is

437
00:31:09.040 --> 00:31:10.040
learning to walk.

438
00:31:10.040 --> 00:31:12.520
I think this is what I believe.

439
00:31:12.520 --> 00:31:18.440
I think that I can trust myself in this and I, and then I'm going to act on it, Lord,

440
00:31:18.440 --> 00:31:27.080
that the Lord will provide a protective environment for you in which to, to make some mistakes,

441
00:31:27.080 --> 00:31:33.520
meaning that he knows your true heart, that you don't desire to rebel against him.

442
00:31:33.520 --> 00:31:35.680
You desire to do the right thing, et cetera.

443
00:31:35.680 --> 00:31:41.920
And so he will see that you were protected even if in the journey you make mistakes.

444
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:48.160
So, but I, but my, my point is just to mention that as that is the thing that maybe you're

445
00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:49.640
very concerned about.

446
00:31:49.640 --> 00:31:53.480
And so I wanted to make sure to address that quote unquote worst case scenario of what

447
00:31:53.480 --> 00:31:59.360
if I actually, you know, uh, what if I actually am trying to trust myself and I make quote

448
00:31:59.360 --> 00:32:03.080
unquote the wrong decision or a decision that just doesn't work out the way that I wanted

449
00:32:03.080 --> 00:32:08.160
to understand that God will have grace for that because he really does want you to know

450
00:32:08.160 --> 00:32:15.080
that he, he created you as, as good as love, as righteous, as holy.

451
00:32:15.080 --> 00:32:20.840
And he wants you to know that you can trust who he created you to be.

452
00:32:20.840 --> 00:32:26.720
So he's going to provide a protective environment for you as a quote unquote child in the process,

453
00:32:26.720 --> 00:32:32.280
you know, young in the process to provide you with a protective environment to experiment

454
00:32:32.280 --> 00:32:33.280
a little.

455
00:32:33.280 --> 00:32:36.960
You're not trying to experiment, like, let's see how much I can get away with.

456
00:32:36.960 --> 00:32:37.960
That's not your heart.

457
00:32:37.960 --> 00:32:44.080
And what God's going to honor is he's going to honor your heart as you try to figure out

458
00:32:44.080 --> 00:32:46.120
what that means and what that looks like.

459
00:32:46.400 --> 00:32:51.920
He has not abandoned you thinking that you're, you know, a 40 some odd year old adult and

460
00:32:51.920 --> 00:32:53.480
just like, well, she ought to know better.

461
00:32:53.480 --> 00:32:59.680
No, in that area, you're a child and he will treat you as a loving father does to a child

462
00:32:59.680 --> 00:33:01.840
when a child is trying to figure something out.

463
00:33:01.840 --> 00:33:05.840
He provides a protective environment in which the child can experiment.

464
00:33:05.840 --> 00:33:11.200
And again, what God is going to honor in his interaction with you is your heart, not the

465
00:33:11.200 --> 00:33:18.400
fact that, that, that you, well, you made the, you made the right decision or you made

466
00:33:18.400 --> 00:33:19.400
the wrong decision.

467
00:33:19.400 --> 00:33:24.640
No, he understands that you're just, you're figuring it out and you're trying to understand.

468
00:33:24.640 --> 00:33:30.280
He provides you with a sandbox, a playground in which to figure all of that out.

469
00:33:30.280 --> 00:33:32.600
And he'll correct you and he'll guide you, etc.

470
00:33:32.600 --> 00:33:40.360
So just wanted to mention that I wanted to just really encourage you that to know that

471
00:33:40.520 --> 00:33:51.600
you have God in you, don't, don't quiet the Holy Spirit and don't, you know, don't stifle

472
00:33:51.600 --> 00:33:52.600
him.

473
00:33:52.600 --> 00:33:58.120
Don't stifle the fact that you are one with God and the, and, and therefore God in you

474
00:33:58.120 --> 00:34:03.480
and you that is attached to God, which is this good and perfect being, your spirit is

475
00:34:03.480 --> 00:34:07.480
good and perfect, wants to express itself.

476
00:34:07.480 --> 00:34:12.800
And don't think that it's bad because we're constantly treating it like, like it's this

477
00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:15.840
thing we have to protect ourselves from.

478
00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:16.840
Does that make sense?

479
00:34:16.840 --> 00:34:28.360
So it's important that we really, truly start risking doing things actionably that may not

480
00:34:28.360 --> 00:34:29.360
be our spirit.

481
00:34:29.360 --> 00:34:31.880
It might actually be our soul.

482
00:34:31.880 --> 00:34:35.760
And so, but, but the more often than not, I do believe that what you're going to be

483
00:34:35.760 --> 00:34:39.600
operating in, when you, when you're trusting yourself and you're stepping out and you're

484
00:34:39.600 --> 00:34:44.159
risking, I believe that, you know, for you, the vast majority of time, vast majority of

485
00:34:44.159 --> 00:34:50.360
time, again, because it's your heart will actually be your spirit that, that you can

486
00:34:50.360 --> 00:34:51.360
trust.

487
00:34:51.360 --> 00:34:55.600
And then God will reveal to you when you quote unquote make mistakes that, Hey, no, no, that

488
00:34:55.600 --> 00:34:56.600
was your soul.

489
00:34:56.600 --> 00:35:00.000
He'll provide a protective environment in which you can, um,

490
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.200
he can show you that and then you can start discerning

491
00:35:04.200 --> 00:35:07.240
between things, so anyway.

492
00:35:07.240 --> 00:35:08.400
No, that's really good.

493
00:35:08.400 --> 00:35:13.400
So I'm curious, like if I get a conviction about something,

494
00:35:13.800 --> 00:35:16.400
like let's say there's something that I think I need

495
00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:20.040
to say to someone and it's, let's call it feedback

496
00:35:20.040 --> 00:35:21.360
about something that's happening,

497
00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:24.200
but it's really coming from a heart-centered place.

498
00:35:24.200 --> 00:35:26.120
And I really feel like God's telling me

499
00:35:26.120 --> 00:35:28.800
that it could be useful information for somebody to have

500
00:35:28.800 --> 00:35:30.720
or insight for them.

501
00:35:33.920 --> 00:35:38.840
And I don't know because, okay, so here's the thing.

502
00:35:38.840 --> 00:35:41.800
When Jamie would do that, she would say like,

503
00:35:41.800 --> 00:35:44.200
everything that I say to you, everything I do,

504
00:35:44.200 --> 00:35:47.200
I like talk to God first and I make sure

505
00:35:47.200 --> 00:35:50.000
that it's coming from him and that I've kind of like

506
00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:52.520
sat on his knee and asked him about it

507
00:35:52.520 --> 00:35:55.000
and I want everything I say to be, you know,

508
00:35:55.000 --> 00:35:59.720
breathed by him and it ended up being so hurtful to me

509
00:35:59.720 --> 00:36:02.920
and so abusive to me and I still have trouble believing

510
00:36:02.920 --> 00:36:07.160
that because it, in a lot of ways it felt like love,

511
00:36:07.160 --> 00:36:10.520
but it was abuse and a lot of people tell me

512
00:36:10.520 --> 00:36:13.400
that it took a long time for me to see it.

513
00:36:13.400 --> 00:36:17.120
So how do I know that I'm not just thinking,

514
00:36:17.120 --> 00:36:20.880
because she's convinced that she's coming from love

515
00:36:20.920 --> 00:36:25.080
or she knows she's lying, I don't know.

516
00:36:25.080 --> 00:36:27.600
But what if I think the same thing?

517
00:36:27.600 --> 00:36:29.320
What if I think I'm coming from love

518
00:36:29.320 --> 00:36:31.560
and I think I'm hearing from God,

519
00:36:31.560 --> 00:36:33.960
but it's really the enemy, how do I know?

520
00:36:35.080 --> 00:36:38.640
Okay, the first thing I highly recommend is do not,

521
00:36:38.640 --> 00:36:40.560
and again, I don't mean this in a way of condemning,

522
00:36:40.560 --> 00:36:45.560
I'm trying to like show you how, what freedom, love,

523
00:36:45.800 --> 00:36:49.160
perfection, righteous and holiness that you are,

524
00:36:49.160 --> 00:36:51.160
that's all that I'm saying,

525
00:36:51.160 --> 00:36:56.160
is I highly, strongly recommend to not use something

526
00:36:56.160 --> 00:36:59.960
that is a Satan as kind of a measure of like,

527
00:36:59.960 --> 00:37:03.240
how do I make sure to not be, forget it,

528
00:37:03.240 --> 00:37:08.240
that can't help, that can do nothing but create problems

529
00:37:08.480 --> 00:37:11.880
because we don't, his isn't the measure

530
00:37:11.880 --> 00:37:13.680
that we need to try to not be,

531
00:37:13.680 --> 00:37:15.240
we do need to totally ignore it

532
00:37:15.240 --> 00:37:18.640
and just listen to the spirit and you know, et cetera.

533
00:37:19.160 --> 00:37:20.360
So as far as like you, you know,

534
00:37:20.360 --> 00:37:22.440
how can I make sure to not do what she did?

535
00:37:22.440 --> 00:37:23.400
Who cares what she did?

536
00:37:23.400 --> 00:37:24.240
Who cares?

537
00:37:24.240 --> 00:37:26.160
It was twisted, it was corrupt, it was deceptive,

538
00:37:26.160 --> 00:37:29.200
it was of a totally different father.

539
00:37:29.200 --> 00:37:31.080
So you don't even have to worry about that.

540
00:37:31.080 --> 00:37:32.480
You don't have to worry about being hurt.

541
00:37:32.480 --> 00:37:34.280
She's coming from a different heart.

542
00:37:34.280 --> 00:37:37.000
I don't care what she said, I care what she said.

543
00:37:37.000 --> 00:37:41.640
You know, the spirit within her was bearing fruit

544
00:37:41.640 --> 00:37:43.320
that proved itself.

545
00:37:43.320 --> 00:37:45.560
So, you know, I mean, you know, I bless her,

546
00:37:45.560 --> 00:37:47.040
I bless her as a person, you know, in the Lord,

547
00:37:47.040 --> 00:37:49.200
I'm not trying to like be condemning of her.

548
00:37:49.200 --> 00:37:53.360
I'm talking about the, how she was talking

549
00:37:53.360 --> 00:37:56.120
and the spirit in what she was talking

550
00:37:56.120 --> 00:37:58.960
related to the current, related to our topic.

551
00:37:58.960 --> 00:38:03.440
And so you just rely on, you just rely on the spirit

552
00:38:03.440 --> 00:38:08.440
and know and make sure that whenever,

553
00:38:09.440 --> 00:38:12.680
so whenever you, and this is what helps me.

554
00:38:13.520 --> 00:38:17.160
I, it's very important that when I'm interacting

555
00:38:17.160 --> 00:38:22.120
with somebody that I know and operate in my true identity

556
00:38:23.680 --> 00:38:26.640
as a son of God, being one with Christ,

557
00:38:26.640 --> 00:38:31.160
where I am in Christ, I'm his bride, he is in me.

558
00:38:31.160 --> 00:38:33.360
So not only am I in him, but he's also in me

559
00:38:33.360 --> 00:38:34.720
and we're all, I mean, it was just,

560
00:38:34.720 --> 00:38:36.200
it cannot be any separation.

561
00:38:36.200 --> 00:38:38.200
And then all of us are in the father

562
00:38:38.200 --> 00:38:41.000
and the father's in all of us and there's just no separation.

563
00:38:41.000 --> 00:38:42.920
And then, and that we're everything

564
00:38:42.920 --> 00:38:44.600
that God says that we are.

565
00:38:44.600 --> 00:38:47.480
And, and to, therefore,

566
00:38:47.480 --> 00:38:49.080
we're always about our father's business.

567
00:38:49.080 --> 00:38:51.240
He just wants to move out of us.

568
00:38:51.240 --> 00:38:54.680
He wants to move out, he is in our spirit together,

569
00:38:54.680 --> 00:38:57.920
desires to move out of us to into the world,

570
00:38:57.920 --> 00:38:59.040
manifest heaven into earth,

571
00:38:59.040 --> 00:39:00.920
including into somebody else's soul,

572
00:39:00.920 --> 00:39:03.840
like somebody else that you're talking to.

573
00:39:03.840 --> 00:39:08.840
And therefore, therefore we shouldn't be,

574
00:39:09.840 --> 00:39:13.480
we should not approach other people

575
00:39:13.480 --> 00:39:15.120
with a particular agenda.

576
00:39:15.120 --> 00:39:18.320
Like I desire for them to know and understand that.

577
00:39:18.320 --> 00:39:20.800
For instance, when I'm talking to you right now,

578
00:39:20.800 --> 00:39:24.000
I do not have an agenda of how,

579
00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:27.200
of what it is that I hope that you are gonna walk away

580
00:39:27.200 --> 00:39:30.800
believing or understanding or feeling or whatever.

581
00:39:30.800 --> 00:39:33.600
Because all I, the, for instance,

582
00:39:33.600 --> 00:39:35.560
the tone that you're hearing in my voice

583
00:39:35.600 --> 00:39:39.520
and the confidence and whatever else that you're hearing.

584
00:39:39.520 --> 00:39:41.600
Cause in my, in my, because I know,

585
00:39:41.600 --> 00:39:43.840
cause I'm in my, I'm in my,

586
00:39:43.840 --> 00:39:44.840
when I'm operating out of my spirit,

587
00:39:44.840 --> 00:39:47.200
I can hear like a spiritual authority

588
00:39:47.200 --> 00:39:48.520
in which I'm speaking a word,

589
00:39:48.520 --> 00:39:50.040
not a spiritual authority over someone else.

590
00:39:50.040 --> 00:39:53.200
I'm talking about a spiritual authority to that,

591
00:39:53.200 --> 00:39:56.400
to speak a truth that I believe is true.

592
00:39:56.400 --> 00:39:57.640
And it's up to you and the Lord,

593
00:39:57.640 --> 00:39:59.600
for you or whether or not you,

594
00:39:59.600 --> 00:40:00.440
you want you to.

595
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.720
receive it. But I'm just saying that for me, you know, as an example of what you

596
00:40:03.720 --> 00:40:07.720
can do to others, I don't have an agenda here. I don't have an agenda. Oh my

597
00:40:07.720 --> 00:40:10.920
goodness, you know, I'm feeling really bad for Alana. I remember what it's like to

598
00:40:10.920 --> 00:40:15.560
be in this situation. I do. I remember what it's like to not trust myself. I

599
00:40:15.560 --> 00:40:20.680
still run into this situation sometimes and I remember when I was first

600
00:40:20.680 --> 00:40:24.520
learning this and oh my goodness, oh, if only I'd known this other thing that it

601
00:40:24.520 --> 00:40:27.760
would have really helped me. So I want to make sure that she learns this and

602
00:40:27.760 --> 00:40:31.680
that she walks away from this session. I don't have any of that agenda. I

603
00:40:31.680 --> 00:40:38.720
don't. I just, the way I'm speaking is because I'm hearing, I'm hearing a truth

604
00:40:38.720 --> 00:40:43.780
resonating inside of me and I'm speaking what I believe to be a truth and you can

605
00:40:43.780 --> 00:40:46.520
receive it between you and the Lord how everyone should receive it. But I'm

606
00:40:46.520 --> 00:40:50.400
saying for me, me and my relationship with the Lord, I'm responsible for what it is I

607
00:40:50.400 --> 00:40:53.760
speak and I bear the weight of that responsibility in my relationship with

608
00:40:53.760 --> 00:40:59.240
him and he's holding me accountable to it. And I, if I don't have an agenda, I

609
00:40:59.240 --> 00:41:04.000
can just speak the truth and then you can receive it however you choose to

610
00:41:04.000 --> 00:41:07.440
between you and the Lord. And you might walk away just thinking, well, Ashley, that

611
00:41:07.440 --> 00:41:13.560
makes no sense. Or Ashley, I, I feel condemned. Or, you know, Ashley, I just

612
00:41:13.560 --> 00:41:21.160
don't think that that's in the Bible and yeah, you know, or whatever. Or, you know,

613
00:41:21.160 --> 00:41:25.720
you think something like even worse than that. I can't have an agenda because

614
00:41:25.720 --> 00:41:29.760
you're not, you're not mine. You're not mine to try to convince. What you, it is,

615
00:41:29.760 --> 00:41:33.640
what it is that you believe and how it is that you receive or not receive what

616
00:41:33.640 --> 00:41:40.360
it is that I'm saying has, has no bearing on my ability to communicate, has no

617
00:41:40.360 --> 00:41:46.800
bearing on, I mean, bearing meaning like, um, has no, is no measurement or standard

618
00:41:46.800 --> 00:41:51.680
that I am or am not communicating something well, that I have spoken the

619
00:41:51.680 --> 00:41:56.480
truth or that I haven't spoken the truth or whatnot. It doesn't determine any of

620
00:41:56.480 --> 00:42:00.520
those things. It can't, your response cannot affect what, how I feel about

621
00:42:00.520 --> 00:42:05.840
myself and what it is that I've said. So I just speak the truth that what that

622
00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:14.120
means is that if I don't have an agenda and then I find myself more often than

623
00:42:14.120 --> 00:42:20.440
not, not saying something instead of saying something. Because what I tend to

624
00:42:20.440 --> 00:42:25.520
do is I, if we have an agenda, we're like, oh, but I want, I want to help them. I so

625
00:42:25.520 --> 00:42:30.760
badly want them to not go through what I went through and out of my compassion

626
00:42:30.760 --> 00:42:36.320
and out of my sympathy, I'm gonna try to fix something. What we tend to do is we,

627
00:42:36.320 --> 00:42:40.720
that, that is usually an indication that our soul is involved instead of our

628
00:42:40.720 --> 00:42:46.480
spirit. But where we actually believe and understand that our identity, you know,

629
00:42:46.480 --> 00:42:51.120
is in the Lord and not in how somebody

630
00:42:52.160 --> 00:43:00.200
receives or rejects what it is that we say, then we can, we can more, we can, in

631
00:43:00.200 --> 00:43:04.680
from that place, we are more likely to speak, we can speak the truth out of the

632
00:43:04.680 --> 00:43:12.960
spirit and, and then allow God to create the outcome. Again, the outcome, whether

633
00:43:12.960 --> 00:43:18.960
or not it, meaning like what it, how this affects your life, or whether or not you

634
00:43:18.960 --> 00:43:22.200
receive what it is I'm saying, or you reject what it is that I'm saying, that

635
00:43:22.200 --> 00:43:29.120
result is up to the Lord. It's not up to me. I'm just responsible for governing the,

636
00:43:29.120 --> 00:43:33.800
for governing the increase, for governing what it is that the Lord has given me,

637
00:43:33.800 --> 00:43:37.280
you know, what it is that I believe is, is the truth that's coming out of my

638
00:43:37.280 --> 00:43:42.480
spirit. I'm responsible for that. The result of it, I'm not responsible for, but

639
00:43:42.480 --> 00:43:47.040
we have a tendency to want to have so much compassion for someone else,

640
00:43:47.040 --> 00:43:50.200
especially if we see our own experience in theirs and we want to save other

641
00:43:50.200 --> 00:43:56.160
people from the experience that we had. We have a tendency to almost recreate our

642
00:43:56.160 --> 00:44:02.400
own experience through them and desire so much that, and desire something for

643
00:44:02.440 --> 00:44:08.040
them so much that we tend to put our own hands in it, in our, in our, in our soul

644
00:44:08.040 --> 00:44:13.800
into it, and that can cause, that can cause destruction because there's no

645
00:44:13.800 --> 00:44:18.800
life in it. It's out of our soul as the life source, which can only bring death.

646
00:44:18.800 --> 00:44:24.760
It's not, it's not that our soul is bad. It's that our soul doesn't have life, is

647
00:44:24.760 --> 00:44:30.200
not a life source to bring life. It only brings death. Our spirit, however, brings

648
00:44:30.240 --> 00:44:37.880
life. And so, anyway, does that make sense? I was gonna say to discern between

649
00:44:37.880 --> 00:44:42.440
what's coming from the spirit and what's coming from the soul, is it when you

650
00:44:42.440 --> 00:44:48.240
don't have an agenda, it's coming from the spirit? Well, that is the way that you

651
00:44:48.240 --> 00:44:55.720
can start to, start to discern whether you're in this soul or this spirit. So

652
00:44:55.720 --> 00:45:00.320
when you're beginning to learn, okay, what's the soul and what's the spirit?

653
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.560
knowing that feeling like oh my goodness I really have to I have to fix this or I

654
00:45:06.560 --> 00:45:12.360
don't want them to walk away feeling like that or whatever usually I believe

655
00:45:12.360 --> 00:45:16.880
that you're going to be able to discern this better than if I explain it like

656
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:20.320
this when normally most people that I would tell them this too I don't think

657
00:45:20.320 --> 00:45:24.280
they would be able to discern this but you're hyper self-aware I think that

658
00:45:24.280 --> 00:45:28.160
you're going to understand what I'm saying when say for instance you have

659
00:45:28.160 --> 00:45:31.240
someone sitting across the table from you and you know a kitchen table from

660
00:45:31.240 --> 00:45:36.640
you and they've been telling you some stuff if you feel something kind of like

661
00:45:36.640 --> 00:45:43.520
outside of you that just feels like this force that oh my goodness I can't I

662
00:45:43.520 --> 00:45:51.640
can't I can't let them leave like this or I really don't want them to continue

663
00:45:51.640 --> 00:45:55.760
to feel like that or I really want them to feel loved or if we have that kind of

664
00:45:55.760 --> 00:45:59.960
an agenda even if it's a godly agenda like I want them to feel leave here

665
00:45:59.960 --> 00:46:05.720
feeling loved I want them to do whatever what can I say what can I do etc that is

666
00:46:05.720 --> 00:46:11.360
a pretty good indication that it's in our soul whereas if we are if we're at

667
00:46:11.360 --> 00:46:15.840
peace and we're at rest understanding who it is that we are who it is that

668
00:46:15.840 --> 00:46:23.040
God says that we are then and we speak from that place with completely burden

669
00:46:23.040 --> 00:46:29.160
free of whether or not they walk away from the table feeling loved or not we

670
00:46:29.160 --> 00:46:35.600
then God can use that that's more that's an indication that it's more of an

671
00:46:35.600 --> 00:46:40.720
indication that we are operating out of the spirit instead of the soul so the

672
00:46:40.720 --> 00:46:45.800
only reason I use that as an exam as an example about the whole agenda thing is

673
00:46:45.800 --> 00:46:50.800
when I was learning to discern between up in whether I was operating out of

674
00:46:50.840 --> 00:46:55.680
the spirit when I was interacting with people if the word agenda that helps me

675
00:46:55.680 --> 00:47:00.240
it felt like this force a little bit kind of like slightly outside of myself

676
00:47:00.240 --> 00:47:04.240
that felt like it was chasing I felt a desperateness if you're feeling a

677
00:47:04.240 --> 00:47:08.520
desperateness that's getting you know especially in regards to someone else

678
00:47:08.520 --> 00:47:14.200
that's usually your soul I get that a lot I get that desperateness and I think

679
00:47:14.200 --> 00:47:18.320
yeah I feel like the desperateness and I could be wrong about this but I feel

680
00:47:18.320 --> 00:47:23.800
like it comes from brokenness like I feel like it comes from not feeling like

681
00:47:23.800 --> 00:47:27.760
I didn't have what I needed when I was young and still feeling like I don't

682
00:47:27.760 --> 00:47:34.000
have what I need yeah yeah that's that like I said you're extremely self-aware

683
00:47:34.000 --> 00:47:40.880
and extremely just spiritually and discerning well I appreciate you saying

684
00:47:40.880 --> 00:47:45.840
that I think I'm still trying to get to a place of believing that so I

685
00:47:45.840 --> 00:47:52.960
appreciate your insight on that um cuz I and and I wonder if those things get

686
00:47:52.960 --> 00:47:59.160
passed down because I haven't started I okay cuz I've historically looked outside

687
00:47:59.160 --> 00:48:03.920
of myself for the things that I didn't have inside like the holes that I had

688
00:48:03.920 --> 00:48:09.880
inside I looked for people alcohol drugs sex whatever to fill none of it worked I

689
00:48:09.880 --> 00:48:15.160
found Jesus that was the answer which was awesome and I've still even since

690
00:48:15.200 --> 00:48:19.680
finding Jesus caught myself in places where I'm like oh this might fill that

691
00:48:19.680 --> 00:48:24.520
hole but it's not it's him and I just need to keep remembering that he is the

692
00:48:24.520 --> 00:48:29.400
one who comes in and heals those areas with his light and his love and and

693
00:48:29.400 --> 00:48:35.040
sometimes I still find myself like if I'm accepted here if I'm loved here if

694
00:48:35.040 --> 00:48:41.800
I'm respected here then I feel good and yeah so that's like issue number one

695
00:48:41.800 --> 00:48:49.560
issue number two is I feel like it's passed on to my daughter so well go

696
00:48:49.560 --> 00:48:53.880
ahead no I thought you were then no I was I was like so I'm not sure what to

697
00:48:53.880 --> 00:49:00.880
do exactly about you or your daughter both like I think I understand what I do

698
00:49:00.880 --> 00:49:07.560
but then I I'm struggling right now because of well what were you gonna say

699
00:49:07.560 --> 00:49:14.080
in response to that and then I'll tell you kind of more specifically I gonna

700
00:49:14.080 --> 00:49:21.480
say that it's important the best thing that you can do okay back up you know

701
00:49:21.480 --> 00:49:25.120
that they say that the best thing that a man can do for his children is to love

702
00:49:25.120 --> 00:49:30.840
their mother so in other words the thing is that my point is that sometimes the

703
00:49:30.840 --> 00:49:34.720
best thing to do for our children is not what we would think that it would be it

704
00:49:34.800 --> 00:49:38.800
has nothing whatsoever to do with our children and it's something else and

705
00:49:38.800 --> 00:49:44.200
it's making sure that that other thing is fulfilled it is being filled being

706
00:49:44.200 --> 00:49:49.200
taken care of and being addressed and so the same thing here is that the most the

707
00:49:49.200 --> 00:49:55.520
best gift that you the most effective literally the most spiritually effective

708
00:49:55.520 --> 00:49:59.240
thing that you can do to help your daughter is not related to your daughter

709
00:49:59.240 --> 00:50:01.600
at all

710
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.320
it is to put on your own oxygen mask with the Lord.

711
00:50:04.320 --> 00:50:08.960
It's not to make sure of this, that, and the other with her.

712
00:50:08.960 --> 00:50:13.520
If you do it with you, two things. For one, you're creating a spiritual

713
00:50:13.520 --> 00:50:17.600
atmosphere that she can then benefit from, a spiritual atmosphere in your home

714
00:50:17.600 --> 00:50:22.960
which you constantly emanate every day, that she will benefit from.

715
00:50:22.960 --> 00:50:26.800
And then the other thing is,

716
00:50:26.800 --> 00:50:33.920
as she needs things in order to rewrite and overcome her own fears, her own

717
00:50:33.920 --> 00:50:38.480
insecurities, etc. that may have, you know, passed from you

718
00:50:38.480 --> 00:50:41.840
to her. Because not everything that someone deals with passes to the next

719
00:50:41.840 --> 00:50:44.880
generation. Because again, you get half of your

720
00:50:44.880 --> 00:50:50.240
father's DNA and half, or you know, you get, you know, one of the,

721
00:50:50.240 --> 00:50:54.320
isn't it like half of your DNA is your father and

722
00:50:54.320 --> 00:50:57.600
half is your mother and they're connected or something like that. Anyway, the point is

723
00:50:57.600 --> 00:51:00.880
that it's not all of your father and all of your mother.

724
00:51:00.880 --> 00:51:04.720
It's like, you know, there's bits that have been picked and chosen.

725
00:51:04.720 --> 00:51:08.720
So, but if some of that has passed

726
00:51:08.720 --> 00:51:13.520
from your grandmother to your mother to you,

727
00:51:13.520 --> 00:51:17.200
then to your daughter. And then some of it hasn't, you know, depends on which

728
00:51:17.200 --> 00:51:20.320
genes were passed on. The point is that

729
00:51:20.320 --> 00:51:27.920
if it was passed on, she also, she, you can help her overcome

730
00:51:27.920 --> 00:51:34.320
those things by, better when you've put on your own

731
00:51:34.320 --> 00:51:38.720
oxygen mask first. As opposed to, because you can't give

732
00:51:38.720 --> 00:51:44.800
someone something you don't have. You have to have it first.

733
00:51:44.960 --> 00:51:49.680
So if I, the more I'm, the more I'm abiding in him,

734
00:51:49.680 --> 00:51:53.280
the better mother, I'll come from that better place. I'll come from a more

735
00:51:53.280 --> 00:51:57.120
spirit-filled place. And, and I get that. And that makes sense. It's just kind of

736
00:51:57.120 --> 00:52:00.960
shifting my perspective to making sure I serve her, to making sure

737
00:52:00.960 --> 00:52:05.360
I serve him. And then it flows out of me. It's like the fruits, right?

738
00:52:05.360 --> 00:52:09.120
Yeah. Developing the relationship between you and your father.

739
00:52:09.120 --> 00:52:12.240
And then from that, you will automatically do

740
00:52:12.240 --> 00:52:18.320
everything that we're trying so hard to do with our actions.

741
00:52:18.320 --> 00:52:21.520
You will automatically do it because it's who you are.

742
00:52:21.520 --> 00:52:25.840
You will automatically be Jesus. In fact, according to Jesus,

743
00:52:25.840 --> 00:52:30.640
do greater things than Jesus, he says. He says, you will do greater things than

744
00:52:30.640 --> 00:52:34.000
I've done. Because that's who you,

745
00:52:34.000 --> 00:52:37.520
effortlessly, because it's who you naturally are.

746
00:52:38.000 --> 00:52:42.960
So the important thing is to, you know, like what we talked about in

747
00:52:42.960 --> 00:52:48.000
Rest Intensive, you know, to, to stop resisting

748
00:52:48.000 --> 00:52:51.600
all of these things in which we're resisting the Lord.

749
00:52:51.600 --> 00:52:54.640
Stop having accusation against him, etc.

750
00:52:54.640 --> 00:52:58.800
Believe him. Shift into our new man. Shift always into a place of rest.

751
00:52:58.800 --> 00:53:01.840
And that we, we accept and believe that we are who God says that we are. And that

752
00:53:01.840 --> 00:53:08.240
he is who he says he is. And the more that we do that, the more

753
00:53:08.240 --> 00:53:10.400
that we're living in our new man, our new man

754
00:53:10.400 --> 00:53:14.080
always knows how to, how to raise our children.

755
00:53:14.080 --> 00:53:18.320
Our new man always knows when they, they have a question,

756
00:53:18.320 --> 00:53:24.320
how to respond, what to say. And it's more than what we say and do.

757
00:53:24.320 --> 00:53:29.760
It's our spirit that's emanating into our home and emanating into the child

758
00:53:29.840 --> 00:53:33.680
in the moment, whether or not we're saying something.

759
00:53:33.680 --> 00:53:39.840
And if we don't have it, we're not emanating it. We're not giving it.

760
00:53:39.840 --> 00:53:46.720
Yeah, so that's why it's so, it's why it's so important

761
00:53:46.720 --> 00:53:52.560
to focus on ourselves. It's not selfish and it's not ignoring them.

762
00:53:52.560 --> 00:53:56.640
We can't give them something we don't have.

763
00:53:56.640 --> 00:54:01.280
So we have to get it first. And so it's so interesting how much

764
00:54:01.280 --> 00:54:04.400
people are willing to sacrifice for their children. They're willing to

765
00:54:04.400 --> 00:54:09.360
sacrifice their lives, but they're not willing to overcome

766
00:54:09.360 --> 00:54:12.880
in order to help their children. It's very interesting.

767
00:54:12.880 --> 00:54:16.320
Is that, is that something you find with people? Is they're more willing to

768
00:54:16.320 --> 00:54:21.520
sacrifice than overcome? Oh yeah. Really? Oh yeah. Oh absolutely.

769
00:54:21.520 --> 00:54:24.320
More willing to sacrifice their own lives than to overcome.

770
00:54:24.400 --> 00:54:32.000
Point, you know, case in point, most people die without overcoming.

771
00:54:32.000 --> 00:54:36.400
So they're, they're, they will just push and push and push and push and push, you

772
00:54:36.400 --> 00:54:38.880
know, until, until death, trying to do

773
00:54:38.880 --> 00:54:41.200
everything the hard way. And then they end up dying because they,

774
00:54:41.200 --> 00:54:45.440
and, and refusing to face relationship issues that they had,

775
00:54:45.440 --> 00:54:52.400
you know, accusations against God, etc. They, they would rather die

776
00:54:52.400 --> 00:54:57.840
because, they'd rather die physically, because the other requires a death to

777
00:54:57.840 --> 00:54:59.920
self. And that's something they don't feel the

778
00:54:59.920 --> 00:55:01.920
need to do.

779
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:09.120
they can survive. They would rather die physically feeling their fake sense of identity was intact

780
00:55:10.400 --> 00:55:14.640
than to risk losing their identity altogether, which is what we're always faced with.

781
00:55:16.160 --> 00:55:24.000
When God wants us to die to ourselves, which that's all releasing is, there is this belief

782
00:55:24.000 --> 00:55:27.920
and this feeling that there's going to be lack on the other side of death, that there's going

783
00:55:27.920 --> 00:55:34.160
to be nothing, that there's no safety net. But the reason that we fear that is because there

784
00:55:34.160 --> 00:55:40.400
used to be nothing after death. There was lack after death. That was death's sting. That was

785
00:55:40.400 --> 00:55:45.360
the sting, was lack. And God said, oh, death, where is your sting? You know, grave, where is

786
00:55:45.360 --> 00:55:52.960
your victory? There's no more sting after death because after all death, you know, in Christ,

787
00:55:52.960 --> 00:56:00.560
after all death is life, always, always. So go ahead. I was just going to say, that's so

788
00:56:00.560 --> 00:56:06.480
interesting that you said that because my program is all about helping people overcome. Like it's

789
00:56:06.480 --> 00:56:12.320
called the Set Free Academy. So it's all about being set free. And I find a lot of women that

790
00:56:12.320 --> 00:56:20.000
I talk to can shy away because there's fear. They don't know if it's possible. They're almost more

791
00:56:20.000 --> 00:56:26.240
willing to stay in a painful place than actually overcome. Absolutely. And you know, the rest

792
00:56:26.240 --> 00:56:33.840
intensive is essentially free. And people pay, you know, how much or little that they feel that

793
00:56:33.840 --> 00:56:39.520
they should, you know, in their relationship with the Lord and what it is that they believe that he

794
00:56:39.520 --> 00:56:44.640
tells them. And I tell them, hey, look, all you have to do is you can pay. I mean, it can be one

795
00:56:44.640 --> 00:56:52.000
cent. And most people, it either it's half or most, I haven't figured out recently, it was half.

796
00:56:52.000 --> 00:56:56.240
And then I mean, it was half for a while. And I don't know if it's about half or most anyway.

797
00:56:57.200 --> 00:57:03.840
Regardless, it's at least half of the people don't don't find out every single one likes the idea.

798
00:57:03.840 --> 00:57:12.720
Every single one. I haven't come across a single person that didn't that didn't like it. It was

799
00:57:13.520 --> 00:57:22.400
an Indian wasn't just really drawn to it. But but at least half of them don't join. It's free for

800
00:57:22.400 --> 00:57:28.880
goodness sakes. Why wouldn't they? Because they realize and talking to me the seriousness of what

801
00:57:28.880 --> 00:57:35.120
it is that is being asked of them. Not as me, but what I'm telling them that they would be putting

802
00:57:35.120 --> 00:57:42.480
themselves into, and are they willing to do it? And they'd rather not. And it's free. So it that

803
00:57:42.480 --> 00:57:48.160
the cost is too high. Yeah, and I always thought with my program, it was the money, but I really

804
00:57:48.160 --> 00:57:54.240
think there's a fear. How do you help someone overcome that and actually get to a point where

805
00:57:54.240 --> 00:58:08.480
they want to invest in themselves that way? What I do is I don't, I leave that in the hands of the

806
00:58:08.480 --> 00:58:17.360
Lord. Because I just let everyone's going to just because someone has an issue does not mean that

807
00:58:17.920 --> 00:58:28.160
that they are ready and in the season to be able to deal with it. So that the Lord knows who's ready

808
00:58:28.160 --> 00:58:38.240
and who's in that season. And they can. And so I just let him prepare their heart. And, and if I

809
00:58:38.240 --> 00:58:46.400
don't, I don't convince anybody. Not a single person. In fact, I've done the opposite. I've

810
00:58:46.400 --> 00:58:54.320
actually, I've actually worked to sort of convince somebody to not do it. And because I could tell

811
00:58:54.320 --> 00:58:58.800
that they weren't ready. And they kept wanting me to push them. And I'm like, No, it sounds like

812
00:58:58.800 --> 00:59:05.040
you're not ready. So I didn't say it in those words. But that's what I said. And, and actually,

813
00:59:05.040 --> 00:59:12.480
it was it was a friend of mine. Yeah, it was very, very interesting. And I just, I told her,

814
00:59:12.480 --> 00:59:16.960
you know, because she's, well, you know, what do you think? Like, well, you know, I don't remember

815
00:59:16.960 --> 00:59:22.720
what I said. But basically, essentially, I was, I was trying to convince her that if if she was

816
00:59:22.720 --> 00:59:29.200
questioning, then she then it didn't sound like this, that she that this was something that she

817
00:59:29.200 --> 00:59:37.520
was actually wanting, and maybe the right time for her. So I don't try to convince anyone of it.

818
00:59:38.080 --> 00:59:46.000
And I, that, because here's the thing, when you are when someone is down here, when they're in

819
00:59:46.000 --> 00:59:49.920
their brokenness, we don't want to come up underneath them and try to convince them that

820
00:59:49.920 --> 00:59:54.800
they should do something and encourage them and affirm them and push them up, because you're

821
00:59:54.800 --> 00:59:59.840
going to continue, they're in a poverty mentality, and they haven't, they haven't chosen.

822
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.920
They haven't taken ownership of their situation.

823
01:00:03.920 --> 01:00:09.700
They need to take ownership of their own situation and that you're just available when they choose

824
01:00:09.700 --> 01:00:15.560
to take ownership of their situation as opposed to, hey, I'm here, why won't you let me help

825
01:00:15.560 --> 01:00:16.560
you?

826
01:00:16.560 --> 01:00:17.560
Please let me help you.

827
01:00:17.560 --> 01:00:18.560
I'll do it.

828
01:00:18.560 --> 01:00:20.960
And they're like, oh, well, okay, I'll be convinced.

829
01:00:20.960 --> 01:00:25.880
They haven't owned their situation and they're less likely to do what is our difficult work

830
01:00:25.880 --> 01:00:28.640
that they need to do if they haven't even owned it.

831
01:00:28.640 --> 01:00:35.920
It's hard enough for the people in the rest intensive who have all owned it, it is hard

832
01:00:35.920 --> 01:00:39.240
enough for some of them to say.

833
01:00:39.240 --> 01:00:42.240
Then, can you hear me?

834
01:00:42.240 --> 01:00:43.240
Yep.

835
01:00:43.240 --> 01:00:44.240
Oh, he can't.

836
01:00:44.240 --> 01:00:45.240
Okay, sorry.

837
01:00:45.240 --> 01:00:46.240
This died.

838
01:00:46.240 --> 01:00:47.240
Yeah, the voice changed a bit.

839
01:00:47.240 --> 01:00:48.320
I knew something changed.

840
01:00:48.320 --> 01:00:49.560
That's okay if people hear me.

841
01:00:49.560 --> 01:00:52.920
I'm not really too worried about it, honestly.

842
01:00:52.920 --> 01:00:53.920
With what?

843
01:00:53.920 --> 01:00:55.720
If somebody heard me, I'm not worried.

844
01:00:55.720 --> 01:00:56.720
Okay.

845
01:00:56.720 --> 01:00:58.600
No, nobody, nobody, nobody heard you.

846
01:00:59.560 --> 01:01:07.240
And they're all in the other room right now, so anyway, I don't convince them at all now.

847
01:01:07.240 --> 01:01:13.080
I used to teach people how to convince other people in sales, marketing, et cetera.

848
01:01:13.080 --> 01:01:17.120
I no longer, I do not do that in the rest intensive.

849
01:01:17.120 --> 01:01:18.120
I let the Lord do it.

850
01:01:18.120 --> 01:01:20.200
It's entirely too serious.

851
01:01:20.200 --> 01:01:26.640
This isn't a product that I'm selling them like a key, I'm not selling them a jug of

852
01:01:26.640 --> 01:01:27.640
milk.

853
01:01:28.640 --> 01:01:32.680
This is something that they have to own for themselves and it is a very difficult journey

854
01:01:32.680 --> 01:01:42.360
and owning it is a very strategic part of their likelihood of success and they have

855
01:01:42.360 --> 01:01:44.160
to do it themselves.

856
01:01:44.160 --> 01:01:49.840
I don't convince someone one iota.

857
01:01:49.840 --> 01:01:53.560
I leave that up to the Lord.

858
01:01:53.560 --> 01:01:58.600
It's not up to me to fix their lives, to help them get their lives better, et cetera.

859
01:01:58.600 --> 01:02:03.080
It's up to them to choose what do they want for their life and I'm available if they want

860
01:02:03.080 --> 01:02:10.680
to come, but they have to make all, all, not some, literally, I make them come all the

861
01:02:10.680 --> 01:02:14.640
way by themselves.

862
01:02:14.640 --> 01:02:21.680
And anyway, so I have noticed that that is, that that's the healthiest, et cetera, and

863
01:02:21.680 --> 01:02:25.760
they're not, my responsibility is in their blood is not on my hands.

864
01:02:25.760 --> 01:02:32.720
If they, if they don't, don't take the opportunity to get help.

865
01:02:32.720 --> 01:02:40.120
I have some very dear people in my life that are hurting them and destroying themselves,

866
01:02:40.120 --> 01:02:44.600
creating truly a tremendous, it looks like to me, creating tremendous destruction in

867
01:02:44.600 --> 01:02:53.080
their own families and, and they cannot hear, they cannot hear what I'm saying.

868
01:02:53.080 --> 01:02:56.960
And they've asked me questions, so if they ask me questions, I tell them what it is that

869
01:02:56.960 --> 01:02:57.960
I do.

870
01:02:57.960 --> 01:03:04.880
They're like, oh wow, well, thanks for telling me, but they're not interested, doesn't absorb.

871
01:03:04.880 --> 01:03:05.880
Yeah.

872
01:03:05.880 --> 01:03:08.080
So, so I don't try to convince them of anything.

873
01:03:08.080 --> 01:03:10.640
I just like, this is what I do.

874
01:03:10.640 --> 01:03:15.800
And I don't try to, I don't try, I don't seek to help people.

875
01:03:15.800 --> 01:03:23.360
I make myself available if someone wants help, then I make them come all the way, all the

876
01:03:23.360 --> 01:03:24.760
way by themselves.

877
01:03:24.760 --> 01:03:31.880
What I offer is help, but they have to come completely to me, completely.

878
01:03:31.880 --> 01:03:33.560
So that, that's what, that's what I do.

879
01:03:33.560 --> 01:03:38.040
I don't, I don't convince anybody, even, even in person, I don't have conversations with

880
01:03:38.040 --> 01:03:44.120
anybody, trying to convince them or trying to give them help that they're not asking

881
01:03:44.120 --> 01:03:45.120
for.

882
01:03:45.120 --> 01:03:46.120
That's cool.

883
01:03:46.120 --> 01:03:47.120
That's a neat shift.

884
01:03:47.120 --> 01:03:49.640
I can, I can totally get on board with that.

885
01:03:49.640 --> 01:03:50.640
I agree.

886
01:03:50.640 --> 01:03:55.200
And I feel like I'm more in that place of making them, not making them, but allowing

887
01:03:55.200 --> 01:04:00.280
them to show me that they're in a place to be ready before I even get on the phone with

888
01:04:00.280 --> 01:04:01.280
them.

889
01:04:01.280 --> 01:04:06.920
I can message them, email, ask some questions, see how they respond.

890
01:04:06.920 --> 01:04:12.080
And before I get on a call, I want to have enough information to know that this person

891
01:04:12.080 --> 01:04:17.280
might actually be a good fit because it's a lot easier to tell with more time than just

892
01:04:17.280 --> 01:04:18.800
one hour of talking.

893
01:04:18.800 --> 01:04:23.800
But if we message a bit and I ask them some questions and things like that, I get an idea.

894
01:04:23.800 --> 01:04:25.960
Are they committed to getting back to me?

895
01:04:25.960 --> 01:04:30.160
Are they committed to, you know, responding and actually answering the questions with

896
01:04:30.160 --> 01:04:33.280
answers that show that they're thinking about these things?

897
01:04:33.280 --> 01:04:37.840
Right. And they're not complicated questions, but I totally get that.

898
01:04:37.840 --> 01:04:41.600
And so I appreciate you sharing that because that was some good insight.

899
01:04:41.600 --> 01:04:47.120
And I think kind of going along with that feeling, you said, when it's kind of outside

900
01:04:47.120 --> 01:04:54.520
of yourself here and that agenda, when you kind of feel it out here and you're like,

901
01:04:54.520 --> 01:05:00.040
but I want to, you know, I have I told you like about my name.

902
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.360
birds and one of them that girl's living with right now

903
01:05:03.360 --> 01:05:06.720
and the ones next door and they all have kids that my daughter plays with. My

904
01:05:06.720 --> 01:05:11.600
daughter's an only child and that's okay. I never felt like I was supposed to

905
01:05:11.600 --> 01:05:14.480
have a second one. I felt like I could adopt a second one

906
01:05:14.480 --> 01:05:17.760
but I never felt I was supposed to give birth to a second one

907
01:05:17.760 --> 01:05:21.440
and there were a lot of reasons around that but I think

908
01:05:21.440 --> 01:05:24.800
I sometimes feel a bit guilty that I didn't have a second one

909
01:05:24.800 --> 01:05:28.880
because she doesn't have a sibling and there's no guarantee they'd love each

910
01:05:28.880 --> 01:05:33.280
other or get along or anything but I feel that way. So we've got these

911
01:05:33.280 --> 01:05:37.120
neighbors with kids and they get along well and I

912
01:05:37.120 --> 01:05:40.560
find myself reaching outside of myself to want them

913
01:05:40.560 --> 01:05:44.480
to play with her because then she has friends, then she's busy,

914
01:05:44.480 --> 01:05:47.680
then she's having fun especially with COVID where she didn't

915
01:05:47.680 --> 01:05:50.480
really see a lot of friends except for them.

916
01:05:50.480 --> 01:05:55.520
So I get I think because right now they're really

917
01:05:55.520 --> 01:05:58.560
putting the brakes on hanging out because of COVID

918
01:05:58.560 --> 01:06:04.080
and school starting up and everything and then that girl living there

919
01:06:04.080 --> 01:06:07.680
it's like she has apparently no immune system which

920
01:06:07.680 --> 01:06:10.880
I'm not quite buying a lot of the things that

921
01:06:10.880 --> 01:06:16.800
she says but that's beside the point. She says that so they've protected her

922
01:06:16.800 --> 01:06:20.320
and she's living at the house with three kids that are all going back to school

923
01:06:20.320 --> 01:06:23.120
that are all in different classes, different schools.

924
01:06:23.120 --> 01:06:27.440
Their mom possibly had COVID and she's still staying there but she's

925
01:06:27.440 --> 01:06:31.280
got this awful immune system and could end up in the hospital for months.

926
01:06:31.280 --> 01:06:35.360
So they've put the brakes on a little bit with hanging out

927
01:06:35.360 --> 01:06:37.840
which has been really hard for me because my daughter's birthday party's

928
01:06:37.840 --> 01:06:41.680
coming up and some parents and one other one that

929
01:06:41.680 --> 01:06:45.440
she's friends with from school they're like oh because of COVID and

930
01:06:45.440 --> 01:06:48.480
school starting up like we don't know if they can come to

931
01:06:48.480 --> 01:06:54.560
her birthday party and I'm sad because I want her to have

932
01:06:54.560 --> 01:06:57.840
friends, I want her to have a good birthday

933
01:06:57.840 --> 01:07:02.000
and they don't seem to care. They cared all summer it was fine

934
01:07:02.000 --> 01:07:05.360
when they would come over and swim in the pool and everything it was fine

935
01:07:05.360 --> 01:07:08.960
and all of a sudden in the last week it's been like oh my gosh we need to

936
01:07:08.960 --> 01:07:14.320
start having restrictions again and it's very confusing to me because

937
01:07:14.320 --> 01:07:19.200
they change their tune and then like I'm kind of left going okay like I don't

938
01:07:19.200 --> 01:07:22.640
know what's going on, my daughter wants to play with them, I

939
01:07:22.640 --> 01:07:25.200
don't really understand if she can or not

940
01:07:25.200 --> 01:07:29.280
and so I've been in this place of maybe a little bit of resentment

941
01:07:29.280 --> 01:07:34.640
around it because I don't like the fact that they just kind of keep

942
01:07:34.640 --> 01:07:38.640
choosing this and then the mother of her little best friend at school

943
01:07:38.640 --> 01:07:42.880
is the same way she's totally in fear around COVID

944
01:07:42.880 --> 01:07:46.800
and she doesn't want her daughter coming to Aveya's birthday and I was

945
01:07:46.800 --> 01:07:49.200
like well what if what if we just have five kids and they

946
01:07:49.200 --> 01:07:55.200
all wear masks and she's like no no I don't think so and I was like

947
01:07:55.200 --> 01:07:57.600
okay but then she's sending her daughter to school

948
01:07:57.600 --> 01:08:03.040
and they're in the same class and then I said well what if the two girls

949
01:08:03.040 --> 01:08:07.920
Aveya and Hannah just hung out on their own and they both wore masks

950
01:08:07.920 --> 01:08:12.080
would that be okay to have a play date no that's not okay either

951
01:08:12.080 --> 01:08:19.040
so it's frustrating to me that I want I just like don't understand

952
01:08:19.040 --> 01:08:22.240
it and I don't know I know there's a lot of

953
01:08:22.240 --> 01:08:26.160
resentment in me about it because I just want her to have these people in

954
01:08:26.160 --> 01:08:30.160
her life that love her but I feel like we're reaching

955
01:08:30.160 --> 01:08:32.479
out to them more than they're reaching out to us

956
01:08:32.479 --> 01:08:37.680
right now and it feels uneven and makes me want to just pull everything

957
01:08:37.680 --> 01:08:40.880
back and be like you know what let's just keep our family unit and don't

958
01:08:40.880 --> 01:08:43.760
worry about friends but then she doesn't have a sibling so

959
01:08:43.760 --> 01:08:46.240
I don't know that's where I'm at with that so I don't know if you have any

960
01:08:46.240 --> 01:08:49.520
insight on all of that

961
01:08:49.520 --> 01:08:53.600
um well sorry

962
01:08:54.319 --> 01:09:00.240
oh oh so sorry just one second Richard are you leaving

963
01:09:00.240 --> 01:09:04.240
are you leaving oh tonight or tomorrow tomorrow

964
01:09:04.240 --> 01:09:07.920
or am I gonna see you tomorrow I don't know okay sorry just one second

965
01:09:07.960 --> 01:09:10.960
someone's leaving

966
01:09:32.399 --> 01:09:35.600
sorry one of the I didn't realize one of the guys from the uh

967
01:09:35.600 --> 01:09:39.600
that's been with us is uh is like leaving leaving like

968
01:09:39.600 --> 01:09:43.120
the rest of us are staying till Sunday he's like leaving I didn't know that so

969
01:09:43.120 --> 01:09:46.080
I had to give him a hug really quick he's going back to California

970
01:09:46.080 --> 01:09:53.439
okay so um the thing is about um uh um the

971
01:09:53.439 --> 01:09:57.360
you know all of the like the resentment and all of that it can feel

972
01:09:57.360 --> 01:10:01.520
it we can create this we can

973
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:08.040
resentment can be created when we feel that someone else's actions are threatening something

974
01:10:08.040 --> 01:10:11.060
that we're trying to get for ourselves.

975
01:10:11.060 --> 01:10:19.440
And that would be something like, that would be something like a, an environment that is

976
01:10:19.440 --> 01:10:25.020
fostering something for our child or something for, for ourselves.

977
01:10:25.020 --> 01:10:31.260
And it can be good things, but it's like, you look that, you know, we, we were, we were

978
01:10:31.260 --> 01:10:35.500
getting together and we were hanging out and everything was fine.

979
01:10:35.500 --> 01:10:40.940
And all of a sudden you're changing the rules of the game on me, you know, and, and it can,

980
01:10:40.940 --> 01:10:47.260
and so the thing is that we can feel kind of threatened as if like that, that, and it's

981
01:10:47.260 --> 01:10:53.820
really weird because it's like, we realize that we're frustrated and resent the fact

982
01:10:53.820 --> 01:10:57.180
that they're controlling an aspect of our lives that we want to control.

983
01:10:57.180 --> 01:10:59.020
Does that make sense?

984
01:10:59.020 --> 01:11:03.380
So anyway, I just wanted to let you know where the, where that idea of resentment comes from

985
01:11:03.380 --> 01:11:08.980
is it's because it's like, wait a minute, you can't control my life.

986
01:11:08.980 --> 01:11:14.500
And so what we have to do is we have to realize, no, I won't, I, I choose to not give them

987
01:11:14.500 --> 01:11:17.260
that control in my life.

988
01:11:17.260 --> 01:11:23.420
So what you can do is you can choose, okay, they've created a boundary so you can determine

989
01:11:23.420 --> 01:11:26.340
where you want your boundary.

990
01:11:26.340 --> 01:11:30.980
Would you, you know, like create a boundary, like if they, if they, you're originally the

991
01:11:30.980 --> 01:11:35.540
boundaries are here or boundaries are here and then they decide to draw their boundary

992
01:11:35.540 --> 01:11:36.540
here.

993
01:11:36.540 --> 01:11:42.220
So you can either pull away completely or you can just pull your boundary to here.

994
01:11:42.220 --> 01:11:48.020
Do you, are you willing to go this far in order to have this much of a relationship

995
01:11:48.020 --> 01:11:49.020
with them?

996
01:11:49.020 --> 01:11:52.780
Or would you, unless you can have this much relationship with them, you'd rather have

997
01:11:53.140 --> 01:11:54.140
none of it.

998
01:11:54.140 --> 01:11:58.900
So you just make that decision because they're drew it, drawing boundary.

999
01:11:58.900 --> 01:12:04.420
And so you decide if whatever it is that they're willing to give is, and whatever it would

1000
01:12:04.420 --> 01:12:11.140
require of you, if that is worth it to you and, and then just meet them there.

1001
01:12:11.140 --> 01:12:15.860
And and, and the other thing, and the, like I mentioned this in the Marco Polo is your,

1002
01:12:15.860 --> 01:12:20.780
our children are, are the Lords.

1003
01:12:20.780 --> 01:12:31.100
And what you can do is you can, you can stand in your spiritual position in Christ and,

1004
01:12:31.100 --> 01:12:36.940
and declare and talk to the Lord and ask the Lord, beseech the Lord, not as the pleased

1005
01:12:36.940 --> 01:12:38.660
Lord God, would you do this to me?

1006
01:12:38.660 --> 01:12:43.660
But God says, no, come boldly before the throne because he's given us permission to do so.

1007
01:12:43.660 --> 01:12:46.380
And, and, you know, present the information to him.

1008
01:12:46.380 --> 01:12:49.500
You know, he already knows it, but this is all part of the relationship with you.

1009
01:12:49.500 --> 01:12:53.220
I mean, you know, just talking to him and, you know, cause everybody likes to be talked

1010
01:12:53.220 --> 01:12:54.220
to.

1011
01:12:54.220 --> 01:12:57.540
So even God likes to be talked to, even though he already knows all this about us, we just

1012
01:12:57.540 --> 01:13:06.140
talk to him like, Lord, you know I desire to, you know, this is, this is the situation

1013
01:13:06.140 --> 01:13:10.860
and I would really like her to have, have some friends.

1014
01:13:10.860 --> 01:13:17.980
Would you, you know, how can we, how is there, what, or Lord?

1015
01:13:17.980 --> 01:13:27.420
Can you provide and show me how to cooperate with you in order to, to provide for, for

1016
01:13:27.420 --> 01:13:29.540
it's Avea, right?

1017
01:13:29.540 --> 01:13:37.260
Avea, Avea to have, to have some friends and he might move so that the, so that in such

1018
01:13:37.260 --> 01:13:43.660
a way that the neighbors suddenly, you know, decide that they're willing to play, you know,

1019
01:13:43.660 --> 01:13:49.980
go back to the same rules again, play nice again, or God might bring some new opportunities

1020
01:13:49.980 --> 01:13:50.980
to Avea.

1021
01:13:50.980 --> 01:13:54.020
So God can create something out of nothing.

1022
01:13:54.020 --> 01:13:59.060
He can create a scenario that doesn't even exist yet.

1023
01:13:59.060 --> 01:14:05.300
He can literally create something from a blank canvas and he can move on the neighbor's behalf.

1024
01:14:05.300 --> 01:14:08.540
You don't ever know how the Lord wants to fulfill it, but you can bring that before

1025
01:14:08.540 --> 01:14:10.860
the Lord and say, okay, Lord, here's the situation.

1026
01:14:10.860 --> 01:14:12.500
And I'm feeling restrained.

1027
01:14:12.500 --> 01:14:17.740
I'm feeling restricted and therefore I'm feeling resentment because I'm locked in and

1028
01:14:17.740 --> 01:14:20.780
I'm limited to these people's interactions.

1029
01:14:20.780 --> 01:14:24.300
And I desire more for my daughter and I know that you do too.

1030
01:14:24.300 --> 01:14:29.900
And so is there a way that you can show me how to, how you desire to, would you move

1031
01:14:29.900 --> 01:14:39.300
to start making a way and providing for my daughter in this, in this area and, and, and

1032
01:14:39.300 --> 01:14:46.300
do it going boldly before the throne, that you have a right to ask and that God is such

1033
01:14:47.020 --> 01:14:48.020
a good father.

1034
01:14:48.020 --> 01:14:53.460
And this again comes from operating from a place of rest, believing that God is such

1035
01:14:53.460 --> 01:15:00.140
a good and loving father, that he would do that kind of thing.

1036
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.440
And then not limiting him to how he does it.

1037
01:15:02.440 --> 01:15:04.740
Cause when we choose that he's our provision and protection,

1038
01:15:04.740 --> 01:15:07.560
we don't get to choose how he provides text.

1039
01:15:08.240 --> 01:15:10.020
We just choose a Lord.

1040
01:15:10.040 --> 01:15:12.920
I'm just going to put it in your hands and I'm not going to,

1041
01:15:13.200 --> 01:15:14.240
I'm not going to worry about it.

1042
01:15:14.440 --> 01:15:18.360
We were that, that again, part of that resentment is this loss of control.

1043
01:15:18.720 --> 01:15:20.520
It's like, Hey, look, why are you controlling my life?

1044
01:15:20.520 --> 01:15:23.280
I should be able to control my life when we feel like we're losing control.

1045
01:15:23.600 --> 01:15:27.160
And so we're just like, I'm just going to give it to you, you know,

1046
01:15:27.160 --> 01:15:28.840
because this just isn't working out.

1047
01:15:28.840 --> 01:15:31.280
They're not playing nice, you know, for a while.

1048
01:15:31.280 --> 01:15:33.040
I could keep it within my control.

1049
01:15:33.040 --> 01:15:34.800
And then they were playing the roles of the game.

1050
01:15:34.920 --> 01:15:36.200
Now they're no longer doing it.

1051
01:15:36.240 --> 01:15:37.160
I desire more.

1052
01:15:37.400 --> 01:15:38.520
I choose to give it all to you.

1053
01:15:38.520 --> 01:15:41.120
Therefore, I don't get to decide how you provide for it.

1054
01:15:41.560 --> 01:15:45.280
Um, but God in this is a loving father and he loves the, they,

1055
01:15:45.280 --> 01:15:46.240
and more than you do.

1056
01:15:46.480 --> 01:15:50.320
And he, I believe will ensure that you will.

1057
01:15:50.320 --> 01:15:54.560
I do know that he will ensure that he, she has what she needs, what,

1058
01:15:55.120 --> 01:15:59.680
what, what she needs looks like a manifested form that I don't know, but,

1059
01:15:59.680 --> 01:16:01.800
um, that, that would be something.

1060
01:16:01.800 --> 01:16:07.040
And then just releasing, releasing that resentment, forgiving other people,

1061
01:16:07.040 --> 01:16:13.680
which is releasing them from, um, any obligation to you, um, releasing

1062
01:16:14.000 --> 01:16:17.920
that sense of ownership again, you know, that whole releasing sense of

1063
01:16:17.920 --> 01:16:21.280
ownership is the, is the releasing the resistance is this, that's this

1064
01:16:21.280 --> 01:16:22.960
exact same thing as forgiveness.

1065
01:16:23.600 --> 01:16:24.800
Only it is.

1066
01:16:24.800 --> 01:16:28.960
So it's, it's releasing other P it's releasing our sense of ownership of

1067
01:16:28.960 --> 01:16:32.480
whatever someone did to us shouldn't be, and that they should, it

1068
01:16:32.480 --> 01:16:33.480
should be something different.

1069
01:16:33.800 --> 01:16:35.400
That is what forgiveness is.

1070
01:16:36.280 --> 01:16:39.640
And so releasing other people, you know, forgiving other people and

1071
01:16:39.640 --> 01:16:43.520
blessing them before the Lord, that will go a very long way.

1072
01:16:43.520 --> 01:16:44.400
That is shocking.

1073
01:16:44.400 --> 01:16:46.440
How praying for somebody will change our hearts.

1074
01:16:46.520 --> 01:16:47.080
It's wild.

1075
01:16:47.560 --> 01:16:50.000
Even when we don't feel like it, it will change our hearts for

1076
01:16:50.000 --> 01:16:51.080
us if we just pray for them.

1077
01:16:51.480 --> 01:16:55.160
Um, so those, those are some ideas about how to deal with the resentment,

1078
01:16:55.200 --> 01:16:58.840
you know, what the resentment is and then, you know, what it can possibly

1079
01:16:58.840 --> 01:17:02.880
be stemming from, and then, um, how to handle, you know, the, the fact that

1080
01:17:03.160 --> 01:17:07.800
you have resentment towards people and how to, you know, step into forgiveness

1081
01:17:07.840 --> 01:17:14.080
and then how to, how to not be in, um, how to not be out of control.

1082
01:17:15.680 --> 01:17:20.200
Um, and feeling out of control, but instead choosing, okay, I'm going to

1083
01:17:20.200 --> 01:17:23.240
choose that I'm going to stand in my position as a son of God.

1084
01:17:23.240 --> 01:17:26.880
And as a son of God, I can come boldly before the throne and present this thing.

1085
01:17:27.160 --> 01:17:32.880
Lord, here's your child that you have allowed me to be, to steward and

1086
01:17:32.880 --> 01:17:34.960
to work through me in her life.

1087
01:17:35.280 --> 01:17:41.080
And I am petitioning you and bringing before you something that I know that

1088
01:17:41.080 --> 01:17:44.320
you created her in your goodness to need.

1089
01:17:44.640 --> 01:17:47.120
It is a good thing that she desires this.

1090
01:17:47.440 --> 01:17:50.640
And it is a good thing, therefore, that you would want to provide for her.

1091
01:17:50.880 --> 01:17:56.000
And I am bringing to you, bringing this to you and to your attention, the fact

1092
01:17:56.000 --> 01:17:59.720
that it looks like there is a lack and that there is a void, and I'm asking

1093
01:17:59.720 --> 01:18:02.040
you to move on, on, um, on her behalf.

1094
01:18:02.760 --> 01:18:03.080
So.

1095
01:18:06.840 --> 01:18:08.440
Somebody clapping for your speech.

1096
01:18:12.280 --> 01:18:13.480
Oh, oh, you know what?

1097
01:18:13.480 --> 01:18:13.760
Okay.

1098
01:18:13.760 --> 01:18:20.160
So, um, the guy who, uh, who I, uh, was telling you about a while ago, he is,

1099
01:18:20.240 --> 01:18:24.160
um, he just finished up his, uh, he made supper for us.

1100
01:18:24.760 --> 01:18:28.480
So, I mean, like it was, okay, here they all come.

1101
01:18:28.480 --> 01:18:29.560
They're all telling him goodbye.

1102
01:18:30.200 --> 01:18:34.360
So, so anyway, um, but yeah, invite.

1103
01:18:34.360 --> 01:18:36.520
I probably see what time is it?

1104
01:18:36.520 --> 01:18:38.080
I need to go in five minutes.

1105
01:18:38.080 --> 01:18:42.040
I believe that's okay, but did that answer your question?

1106
01:18:42.880 --> 01:18:45.400
Or did it just like repeat what I said in Marco Polo?

1107
01:18:46.040 --> 01:18:47.040
No, no, it's good.

1108
01:18:47.040 --> 01:18:49.160
Cause I, I wanted to listen to the Marco Polo again.

1109
01:18:49.160 --> 01:18:51.960
Cause sometimes I like something a few times it helps and it helps

1110
01:18:51.960 --> 01:18:54.480
to kind of hear it like this too.

1111
01:18:54.480 --> 01:18:56.480
And I think you're right.

1112
01:18:56.520 --> 01:18:58.040
It is a control thing for sure.

1113
01:18:58.040 --> 01:19:01.320
And I, I kind of felt like it was, and then I wonder.

1114
01:19:01.840 --> 01:19:05.800
Oh, and just FYI again, don't take that as condemnation.

1115
01:19:05.840 --> 01:19:09.960
Understand like, no, you're under bondage and your need to, you need

1116
01:19:09.960 --> 01:19:12.560
to realize you, no one has a hold on you.

1117
01:19:12.800 --> 01:19:13.680
No one does.

1118
01:19:13.680 --> 01:19:15.120
And I want you to believe you're free.

1119
01:19:15.160 --> 01:19:16.080
That's what I meant.

1120
01:19:16.120 --> 01:19:17.200
I just want to make sure, you know?

1121
01:19:17.240 --> 01:19:19.840
Yeah, no, I, I don't take it as condemnation at all.

1122
01:19:20.480 --> 01:19:22.120
I know you're doing it with the right spirit.

1123
01:19:22.160 --> 01:19:23.400
I've learned to discern that.

1124
01:19:24.440 --> 01:19:31.000
Um, but, uh, I, I feel like, yeah, so I know it's about that, that

1125
01:19:31.080 --> 01:19:35.000
element of control in me, which I always, God's always teaching me more

1126
01:19:35.000 --> 01:19:36.640
and more about surrender every day.

1127
01:19:37.440 --> 01:19:37.920
Yeah.

1128
01:19:38.760 --> 01:19:42.720
And I mean, historically I've wanted that kind of control because then I

1129
01:19:42.720 --> 01:19:45.960
feel safe when I have a certain level of control, right?

1130
01:19:45.960 --> 01:19:48.480
And I know that God's my protection and my provision.

1131
01:19:49.160 --> 01:19:56.480
Um, so part of me wonders how much of this is my own issue that I get to deal

1132
01:19:56.480 --> 01:19:59.960
with versus maybe me projecting it on.

1133
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.140
to her. Now, obviously, she wants to be with her friends and everything, but this could

1134
01:20:04.140 --> 01:20:10.160
be something that is hurting me because of my past, and it could be triggering me, and

1135
01:20:10.160 --> 01:20:13.840
I'm afraid for her that she's going to feel something that I felt when I was young.

1136
01:20:13.840 --> 01:20:21.240
Yeah, correct. Yeah. No, no, I definitely understand. I really, really do. It's that,

1137
01:20:21.240 --> 01:20:27.960
so we have to choose to believe that God is going to provide for and protect her, which

1138
01:20:27.960 --> 01:20:33.840
I know we can struggle with because we can believe that, well, Lord, you didn't provide

1139
01:20:33.840 --> 01:20:40.040
for and protect me. So how can I trust and trust my daughter to you? Because look what

1140
01:20:40.040 --> 01:20:45.260
happened to me. And so what we have to do is we have to choose. God says, don't look

1141
01:20:45.260 --> 01:20:52.060
at the wind and the waves. You're in a different position now, and God will act on you calling

1142
01:20:52.060 --> 01:20:57.400
on his character. So if you're like, no, God, forget what it looked like in the past. I

1143
01:20:57.400 --> 01:21:01.640
know that you are good, and I know that you are loved to the degree that you say that

1144
01:21:01.640 --> 01:21:07.440
you are, and I choose it. Even to the degree that I, even to a beyond, beyond this particular

1145
01:21:07.440 --> 01:21:12.360
degree where I don't actually believe it yet, I'm going to choose it because you say that

1146
01:21:12.360 --> 01:21:20.840
it's true, and therefore I'm going to start acting like it. And sorry, I had a text come

1147
01:21:20.840 --> 01:21:27.520
through from my dad, so swipe it out of the way. And so, yeah, so I choose to believe

1148
01:21:27.520 --> 01:21:36.400
it, Lord, and I trust, I choose to believe that you love, provide, and protect her more

1149
01:21:36.400 --> 01:21:44.880
than I do, and therefore I can entrust her with you, or entrust you with her, you know,

1150
01:21:44.880 --> 01:21:50.320
entrust her to you. There we go. Get the right preposition in there. Can entrust her to you.

1151
01:21:50.320 --> 01:21:57.040
So yes, it's definitely challenging. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not disregarding or, or,

1152
01:21:57.040 --> 01:22:02.560
you know, the emotions and the, and the struggles. It's just, okay, with those emotions and with

1153
01:22:02.560 --> 01:22:10.680
those struggles, what, what do we actually do? We, we choose. Okay, Lord, you said it,

1154
01:22:10.680 --> 01:22:16.640
therefore this, this is it. The wind and the waves, Lord, I'll be honest, they look, I,

1155
01:22:16.640 --> 01:22:23.040
the way that I'm interpreting them is that I can't trust, I can't trust you with her,

1156
01:22:23.040 --> 01:22:27.760
but you say that I can. You say that she's yours. You're the one who created her. You're

1157
01:22:27.760 --> 01:22:37.980
the one who created that whole aspect of, that she was, that, that, you know, you caused

1158
01:22:37.980 --> 01:22:45.240
that particular spirit to be in, to be placed in that particular soul and body that you

1159
01:22:45.240 --> 01:22:52.400
created in my womb. And, and I, and if you would go through all of that trouble and

1160
01:22:52.400 --> 01:22:57.640
all of it to think of what it is that her character should be like, her personality

1161
01:22:57.640 --> 01:23:03.760
should be like, um, you invested in her, you loved on her, um, you decided what she should

1162
01:23:03.760 --> 01:23:08.200
look like, her eye color, her hair color. And, and you've already talked with her Lord

1163
01:23:08.200 --> 01:23:13.520
about, you know, what her destiny is going to look like. Then I, then I'm going to choose

1164
01:23:13.520 --> 01:23:19.920
to believe that you love her, have a plan for her. And, um, that I can trust you with

1165
01:23:19.920 --> 01:23:24.320
her. Um, even, even if I don't believe it, I'm going to choose it. And therefore I'm

1166
01:23:24.320 --> 01:23:29.240
going to act like it. I'm not going to try to, I'm not going to have an agenda and try

1167
01:23:29.240 --> 01:23:35.040
to fix things and create something. I'm, I'm asking, you know, I'm asking you now, I'm,

1168
01:23:35.040 --> 01:23:40.640
I'm taking this situation into the spirit realm before the throne. And I'm, I'm, I'm

1169
01:23:40.640 --> 01:23:47.240
asking you to move on her behalf, very seriously, very boldly. This is what I'm asking. You

1170
01:23:47.240 --> 01:23:52.000
were King, you were sovereign, and, but you are love and you are good. And I know you

1171
01:23:52.000 --> 01:23:56.240
are the type that I'm telling you, God, you are the type of God that would do this type

1172
01:23:56.240 --> 01:23:58.720
of thing for me and do this type of thing for her.

1173
01:24:00.720 --> 01:24:06.200
No, beautifully said. That's awesome. I will pray that tonight before I go to bed. And,

1174
01:24:06.200 --> 01:24:12.360
um, it's her first day of school tomorrow. So I'm just praying that she meets some really

1175
01:24:12.360 --> 01:24:20.240
sweet little friends whose parents are open to hanging out even though we have like almost

1176
01:24:20.240 --> 01:24:21.960
no COVID in our city.

1177
01:24:21.960 --> 01:24:23.680
Oh, that's great.

1178
01:24:23.680 --> 01:24:30.280
Yeah. So there isn't a lot of fear. But some people are still there. So I pray that she

1179
01:24:30.320 --> 01:24:36.600
can meet some friends with parents that do not have the fear, maybe even Christian friends

1180
01:24:36.600 --> 01:24:42.840
and who knows, right? God can bring it in. I guess ultimately that we learn, her and

1181
01:24:42.840 --> 01:24:48.000
I both learn whatever we need to learn to become stronger in the Lord through this time

1182
01:24:48.000 --> 01:24:53.080
and through this experience. That's kind of what I'm always looking for. You know, when

1183
01:24:53.080 --> 01:24:59.280
we are in the, in the trenches, what, what is he trying to teach us in those moments?

1184
01:24:59.280 --> 01:25:00.000
Right. So.

1185
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.360
Anyway, I appreciate your insight. Sure, I'm glad to get to talk to you. I'm glad

1186
01:25:06.360 --> 01:25:12.040
you're doing good. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's always nice to bounce ideas and

1187
01:25:12.040 --> 01:25:15.800
things off of you and just hear your take on them because I feel like I gain

1188
01:25:15.800 --> 01:25:19.920
a lot of insight, so thank you. Well, I always love visiting with you. Enjoy your

1189
01:25:19.920 --> 01:25:27.980
spirit. Oh, thank you. Well, have an amazing evening and the rest of the time with

1190
01:25:27.980 --> 01:25:35.340
your friends, and where are you headed next? Well, I don't believe that

1191
01:25:35.340 --> 01:25:38.220
there's gonna be anything getting in the way of me being able to be on the call

1192
01:25:38.220 --> 01:25:42.380
tomorrow if you're gonna be on the Thursday night call, too, and then I'm

1193
01:25:42.380 --> 01:25:47.900
going, I'm heading back. Currently, the plan is to head back to Dallas on Sunday,

1194
01:25:47.900 --> 01:25:54.860
and then I don't, that, I do not yet know where I'm going from there, so I don't

1195
01:25:54.860 --> 01:25:59.540
know, but I left my dog in Dallas, so I have to go back for my dog. Oh, yes. Oh, your

1196
01:25:59.540 --> 01:26:04.620
dog's gonna be, like, so excited to see you. I'm so excited. She's also cute. The

1197
01:26:04.620 --> 01:26:10.300
grandparents are watching her, so, and the great-grandmother who adores her, so,

1198
01:26:10.300 --> 01:26:15.380
but she's really spoiled, and apparently my niece went over there the other day and took her for a

1199
01:26:15.380 --> 01:26:22.100
walk and was so excited, so Doss has had a lot of attention. That's so cute. I'm very grateful for that.

1200
01:26:22.940 --> 01:26:30.260
I understand. She's a dog, so it always makes me feel very, it always makes me feel

1201
01:26:30.260 --> 01:26:33.460
love, kind of like, you know, when a whole bunch of people come over for a one-year-old's

1202
01:26:33.460 --> 01:26:37.420
birthday. I mean, the one-year-old's not gonna remember. You know, you do it for

1203
01:26:37.420 --> 01:26:41.460
the parents, right, so it always means a lot to me when people love on my dog or

1204
01:26:41.460 --> 01:26:46.300
ask about my dog or whatever because I understand that it's just an animal, but

1205
01:26:46.300 --> 01:26:49.340
they're acknowledging the fact that there's something in my life that means

1206
01:26:49.380 --> 01:26:55.820
a lot to me, and so it's, anyway, I fully realize that, you know, that's why people are doing it.

1207
01:26:55.820 --> 01:27:01.740
Well, and you know what? That's really well said because that's how I feel

1208
01:27:01.740 --> 01:27:07.220
about my daughter, right? When people love on her, it's like, it just fills

1209
01:27:07.220 --> 01:27:12.140
me up, right, that they care so much about her, which is why I think this, you know,

1210
01:27:12.140 --> 01:27:16.300
birthday party thing is hard for me because it's like, imagine if you're like,

1211
01:27:16.300 --> 01:27:20.140
oh, I want someone to take care of my dog and everyone's like, no, no, I can't, no,

1212
01:27:20.140 --> 01:27:24.300
I'm not interested, right? It's like that feeling of, like, that mama bear where

1213
01:27:24.300 --> 01:27:30.540
you're, yeah, you totally understand, you know, and it's similar feelings. It

1214
01:27:30.540 --> 01:27:34.620
doesn't matter whether it's an animal or a person, like, we care about our animals.

1215
01:27:34.620 --> 01:27:40.700
It's not like I care about my cats, like, crazy, right? And so I get that and it

1216
01:27:40.700 --> 01:27:44.820
does, it fills you up because you know they care enough and they care about

1217
01:27:44.980 --> 01:27:50.780
your sweet little dog, so they care a lot about you too, right? Yeah, yeah, so it

1218
01:27:50.780 --> 01:27:55.180
always, it always really ministers to me, makes me feel very loved. Yeah, that's

1219
01:27:55.180 --> 01:28:01.660
beautiful. Well, like I said, enjoy and I look forward to hearing more about what you've

1220
01:28:01.660 --> 01:28:05.580
been learning because I'm sure it'll show up in something. Yes, absolutely.

1221
01:28:05.580 --> 01:28:10.660
There's a lot. It's been really, really amazing, very, very heavy, very, very good.

1222
01:28:11.380 --> 01:28:17.300
I am, I am so excited for the day that the Lord allows me to do my coaching

1223
01:28:17.300 --> 01:28:21.340
business full-time and I can go attend more conferences like that because that

1224
01:28:21.340 --> 01:28:25.140
fills me up. Like, if I could be at that conference, I would be because those are

1225
01:28:25.140 --> 01:28:30.220
the things that I love. It's a lot of fun. I'm very grateful for it. So, yeah,

1226
01:28:30.220 --> 01:28:37.260
yeah. Exciting. Well, thank you again for your time and your energy and I

1227
01:28:37.300 --> 01:28:42.100
appreciate you. Thank you. Of course, good to visit with you. Have a good night. You too.

1228
01:28:42.100 --> 01:28:45.580
Bye. Bye.