WEBVTT

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Okay.

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Hey.

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How are you?

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Good.

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How are you?

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Doing good.

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Thanks.

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Yeah.

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Where are you?

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Are you in Denver now?

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I'm in Denver.

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Yeah.

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Cool.

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So who's there for you?

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Who do you know there?

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Oh, just friends of mine and I are traveling.

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We were a couple of friends, Fred, that I was with the, at the conference with, we're

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traveling to Denver.

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And so they invited a couple of us that were there, me and one other friend, to come with

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them.

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So we're all traveling together.

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But anyway, so I'm headed back tomorrow, headed back, well I say back, I'm headed to Dallas

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to pick up my dog and then I'm headed out again, but I don't know where.

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So how long does it take to drive from Texas to Denver?

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To Denver?

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It is a 11 hour drive.

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Wow.

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You are, you're getting a lot of kilometers on that little Miata.

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I am.

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I am getting a lot.

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Speaking of which, I need to check the oil tomorrow before I head out, but, and then

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I need to get it serviced when I'm in town.

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So, and then I think I'm going to try to get my hair done while I'm in town and all kinds

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of stuff.

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And then I'm headed to Denver.

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I'm coming back to Denver.

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When am I coming back?

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I'm coming back in October, October 16th through the 18th, I think.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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Teaching at a women's business retreat.

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Wow.

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That's cool.

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Leadership.

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Business leadership retreat.

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Yeah.

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It's for leaders of a business.

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So anyway, yeah.

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So I got your polo, but I had not been able to watch it until, you know, just a little

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bit ago.

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So I'm sorry.

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It's been, I've been, it's been a jam-packed schedule.

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So, but I was, I was sad though, that I hadn't been able to catch you.

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Not at a time when things were, were challenging for you and things were coming up for you.

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I'm sorry.

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So how are you feeling today?

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Well, I knew we were going to talk today, so that was helpful.

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You know, honestly, like I don't talk to a lot of people about this stuff because part

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of me feels like I should be over it.

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Part of me doesn't know why it makes me so sad when I talk about it, but it's like, it's

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just hard.

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I don't know why exactly, but when we were on the call last night and like, I literally

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felt the Holy Spirit, like, you got to hop on this call.

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And I was so tired and I was like, I don't know, I'm just going to probably go to bed

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and I felt like I was supposed to hop on.

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So I did.

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And when you said that about your experience and just your dream and about how God kind

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of revealed to you that you were there to sort of be almost like a catalyst for other

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people to experience something, you know, I don't know why God exactly allowed me to

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go through what I did, just like you talked about with the darkness of it.

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You know, I wonder if even though they were totally different experiences, if they were

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similar in the way of like experiencing the darkness and the oppression and the enemy's

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work in our lives and how that feels to us spiritually.

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I don't know, because I don't know your whole situation, but the darkness that I was in

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was I was very oblivious to it as well at the time.

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So it definitely took a toll on me.

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My friend who went, she actually went for deliverance and she was like, you should go

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for deliverance because I feel like you had something latch onto you when you were involved.

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And I was involved way longer.

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She was only there for five days.

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And she was like traumatized.

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Right.

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So I was there in there for like a year and a half and close to the leader.

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So it was even more traumatizing.

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So she, so I, I just, when they come to my city, I struggled because I want to believe

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that there was a reason that I went through all that.

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And I believe part of the reason is because I'm where I am today and that God allowed

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me to go through it so that I could help other women who are struggling.

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I could understand more about narcissistic abuse and manipulation and people who are

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like sociopathic or whatever.

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And I feel like I'm more well-rounded in that.

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And then the, the trauma of going through it and then what God did to heal me afterwards

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has been profound.

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So there's a lot of.

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good in it even though it's like God promises to bring good for those who

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love him and are called according to his purpose and I know that he's

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using all of that to help me work with other women now which is amazing and

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when you said that I just thought is it possible that God allowed me to go

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through that too because not just for me to experience that but maybe for other

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people to have an experience of something I don't know what the woman

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who's leading it this weekend is not the woman who leads the company that I was

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close with it's another woman and she and I got really close when I was in it

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and part of me just wanted to like drive down to the hotel and and like say hi to

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her and but I know that I'm like blacklisted so it's hard because I I

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miss those people and it wasn't all bad and when I asked you about the

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brainwashing and stuff I thought yeah like I thought I was joyful and I know I

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really wasn't I know I'm in the spirit now more than ever but there is a

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component of it that feels very blissful it feels very good when you're in it so

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I miss that sometimes and I think there's a whole bunch of stuff coming up

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for me in it yeah yeah it's good that you can see that those things don't have

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just nothing but but evil in the fact that there are things that the Lord

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desires to give us and that our spirits are drawn to but it needs to come from

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the right place honoring you know honoring the Father and the life source

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that he is so your spirit is drawn to those things because you were created to

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interact with with them and to to experience bliss to live in bliss etc

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just not in that environment and in that way but your spirit is responding to it

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because God intends for all of us to have it and what you can do is you can

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now be aware that okay that is possible that exists God desires that for me and

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then find out with the Lord journey with the Lord and in anticipation in

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excitement and enjoyment of where and in asking him to show you and guide you to

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where you can have that oh sorry where you can have that in a in the way that

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in the life-giving way that he intended you to experience it and and then you

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can receive that truth from him in what you went through as opposed to thinking

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well and I'm not saying you're saying thinking this I'm just saying you know

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as opposed to the thought process that we can be tempted to give into which is

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oh the I want to experience it and that's the only way I can experience it

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or that's a quick way that I can or whatever that's what drugs do it's a

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quick way for us to experience something that God designed us to to live in and

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to feel and to be but from a healthy perspective and from a life-giving

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environment not from not through drugs because that's and you know like what

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you're talking about last night you know like jumping over the fence like a

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thief and a robber you know in order to experience the benefits it's that in

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certain things that God created sorry oh sorry I'm not giving up high enough you

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know how you're not you don't get enough enough oxygen you start you start

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yawning and also we my friends and I ate lunch long ago and you know how that

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kind of then that you're all the blood comes down from your brain into your

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digestive system anyway so I just wanted to encourage you Matt and you know you

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you were able to see see things in those people like in that in that that friend

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of yours that leader that God placed there because she does reflect the Lord

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but you know everyone does Christians non-christians have aspects about

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themselves that reflect the Lord that we were made in his image

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And to be able to see past, not see past,

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to be able to see and recognize those things

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is highly commendable.

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And you can, and you can,

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having that heart and that compassion for them,

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you can lift them up before the Lord

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and hold them very specially

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in your heart and in your spirit

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for the redemptive aspects of who it is that they are

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that are reflecting the character of the Lord,

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even if they're not living in those areas

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that they're out of the Lord being their life source.

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But, and because it's important for us

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to not view people that have created turmoil in our lives

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from this solidly pure evil perspective,

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as if everything that they do

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is just reflective of something that's degenerate.

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So I just wanted to commend you for that

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and to maybe help explain or give you some comfort

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as to why you, there's this struggle of this.

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Well, it's not all bad, but why can't I be with them?

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And I wanna be with them for these good reasons

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or whatever.

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All of those good reasons or wonderful reasons

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doesn't mean that someone, you know,

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obviously as you're aware of and as you've chosen to do,

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it's not, it doesn't mean that we put ourselves

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in those situations with those people.

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Unless, you know, the Lord just guides us to,

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anyway, because they're not carrying the life of the Lord.

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And it's wanting to,

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you're desirable to the spirit

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that they've come into agreement with,

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and it wants to reach out and pull you in.

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And you're choosing to not give it any opportunity

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to do so, or to even try to come against you

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and threaten you.

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But apparently they, you know, them just being in town

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is still a trigger.

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And why is it a trigger so much?

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Is it just that all kinds of things

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that you haven't resolved and healed from come up?

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That you feel that there's this struggle of,

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well, no, no, nevermind.

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I don't know why I'm asking the question

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because I actually already know the answer.

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That's it.

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There are things that,

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and it could be a whole bunch of things,

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you know, things that you miss, those relationships,

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that feeling of belonging.

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That's why cults are so addictive.

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It's a feeling of belonging and identification.

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The feeling of, or the understanding of who it is

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that we believe that we are as an individual.

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But in a, with all of the benefits of a corporate community.

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And both of those things are highly addictive.

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Relationship and identity.

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And it's got both of those.

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And it uses them against people.

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So having all of those things still within you,

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I mean, you know, that you're still trying

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to come to terms with, you're still trying to heal from.

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And then it's easy for all of that stuff to be triggered

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when they come into town.

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So it's highly unlikely

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that it's related at all to them coming to town.

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It's that them coming to town

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brings them in close proximity,

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which triggers all of this other stuff

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that's always been there.

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It's not stuff that just only exists when they're in town.

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It's just elements that haven't quite healed

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and you feel haven't quite become, you know, reconciled.

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So.

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Yeah, it's almost like, you know,

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you're kind of maybe a bit of an alcoholic

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and you had, you know, you were an alcoholic

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and had these great experiences being an alcoholic.

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You had these great people you hung out with.

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You went to the bar, they knew you.

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They gave you free drinks.

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They, you know, you just, you had a community.

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And then all of a sudden you decided to become sober.

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And all of your friends are coming back into town

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and they're all going to the bar

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and you just want to join them, but you know that you can't.

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You know that it's like,

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for me there was a bit of an addiction component to it

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because I like, honestly,

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it's interesting how that whole time.

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it was one of the best times of my life and one of the worst times of my life at the exact same time.

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So it's really hard to not want to go back and like yeah I gave it all up which is good.

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It's good that I gave it up because I tore myself away from something that was very unhealthy.

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It's hard for me that there are so many people still in it that don't realize that.

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And that I can't be in their life and they can't be in mine. That's really hard too

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because I miss them and I know I know what I know what I know like I know that

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it's not healthy the way they do it is not healthy. And then they're just like bringing

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more people in and there's more people that are banding with them and that's hard. I don't even

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know how many people they have in the class. But you know my friend Julia her husband my

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ex-friend Julia her husband is one of the ones leading it and putting it on bringing it to the

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city. So I think about I had a dream about her the other night and I think about that relationship

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and how I miss her. And how she's still very much indoctrinated as he is. And so there's I

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guess a whole bunch of things coming up around them being in close proximity because it brings

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it to the forefront of my mind. And it's like just out of reach like when all the people are out of

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town and not going to the bar I don't think about it. But when they're all coming into town and they

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want to go out and they want me to join them and or even if they don't but like they're all going

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and they you know I know if I went there would be some people that would just love me and there

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would some people be like oh you stop drinking and you think you're better than us or whatever

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they think right. But they're all coming they're all going to the bar it's that fun time it's that

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connection that you get again. And I really really struggle I just struggle in my spirit in my heart.

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I know if I wanted to go I wouldn't physically be able to

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move my body and get there because my spirit would stop me. But I'm glad that my spirit stops me but

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I'm also like man I wish it wasn't so black and white I wish I could I wish it could be part of

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my life. And yeah I don't know there's so much coming up for me and that's why when I talk about

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it it's like it feels like I don't really even know how to explain it fully.

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Yeah no yeah I know all of that makes sense because you're you were created for the things

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that those that that environment was trying to fulfill. And so God intends to fulfill them.

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And and you've gotten a sense and I and an idea now of what life can be like in the kingdom.

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But that was the counterfeit version. And so you're you can take all of the desire within you

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that is focused on wanting to go back. You know in in other words to have what you used to have

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is my point. You know the belonging the bliss community identification you know whatever it is.

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And you can take all of the desire with which you are approaching that and and then just turn it

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towards the towards the I was going to say the unknown but the unknown of

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what it is that is that God wants to actually manifest. You know the environment that he wants

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to put you in or whatever that will that you can experience all of those things in.

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And because Satan doesn't create new things he just counterfeits for the wonderful thing that

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God has already created and the wonderful things that God has already created are exponentially

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more beautiful and more wonderful and blissful than the counterfeit that that Satan created

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because in God it brings life but within the counterfeit it just brought death.

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So I recommend that you take all of that desire that you have of going back.

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and put it into going forward, meaning like, towards something like, okay, God, you gave me

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an idea, you gave me a glimpse of how things can be. And I'm asking that you bring those,

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that you bring me into those things in my life. And I am putting all of this,

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this desire for the past, I'm now putting it towards the future that I, of how I know and

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choosing to believe that you're going to bring to pass. It's like the Israelites,

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when they left Egypt, and how they were wandering around in the wilderness, and they were just like,

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did you bring, Lord, did you bring us out into the wilderness to die? Because at least, yes,

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we were slaves in Egypt, but at least we had amazing food to eat. And at least we have this,

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that and the other. And we didn't have to worry about water and that. And they said that they

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would rather die slaves than die free. Because yeah, they were talking about dying in the

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wilderness, but Egypt, they would have died too. So they said that they would rather die slaves

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than die, to die free. Even though God's like, was saying, no, you're not going to die in the

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wilderness, I'm taking you to the promised land. But then because it is, because they claimed that

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they were going to die in the wilderness, eventually they did. Because that's what they,

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they described. So I recommend, like I keep saying, that take all of that energy, effort,

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mindset, desire, and shift it towards, as opposed to just letting it, as opposed to,

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I was going to say like letting it go, but you know, as opposed to

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thinking that you can't have it. Just take all of it that you already have, all of the energy,

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built up desire, and then ask the Lord to reveal to you what the godly thing is that you can point

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that towards, that he can begin to fulfill the desires of your heart. Yeah. Well, I know like,

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even in getting out, he's brought me so much closer to him, and I know I can always seek him,

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and that's what helped me get out. That was the reason I got out. If I didn't have him,

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I don't think I would have gotten out. He, his spirit came on me, and through him,

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through other people that his spirit came on, it all worked for me to get out. And

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so I know he's above that, and I know he's better than that. And I've been out for two years now,

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so it's like, I feel like very different than I, oh my gosh, when I first got out, I was a mess.

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It was like, I don't even know how to explain it. It was just so messy for me.

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And so yeah, just putting that effort and energy into God more for sure. It's like,

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it's almost like something deep in me that I can't control when these emotions come up.

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It's like, I know my life's better now. I know that I have God. I know that I have a great

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group of friends. I have everything that I could want. I feel like I'm living more in the spirit.

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I'm living more at rest. When I'm not in rest, I notice it, and I can shift faster.

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There's something very deep inside me that is still, I don't know, maybe a little bit traumatized,

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maybe a little bit sad. I don't know exactly what it is. It's like, I can't really explain it. It's

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like, I was in a good mood. I get on the call. I'm like, everything feels good. Then all of a

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sudden, I start to cry when I think about it. It's weird. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's because

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there's still stuff, things deep down, deep down in the DNA that records that you created,

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records that your grandparents created, great-grandparents, whatever. That is the ground,

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that's the land that is full of giants, like Canaan, that we're trying to overcome.

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But God says that the land is ours, that he's already given it to us, and that we have the

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victory, and we're just having to overcome it. In other words, we're having to stand out knowing

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that if God says we have the victory, then we have the victory, and we stand in that.

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So these traumas, these things of like, how on earth is this coming up? I mean,

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I know better than this. It's deep accusation that we have against the Lord, where we believe

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that he's going to fail us, or we believe he already has failed us, or that he's in the

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middle of failing us, or whatever. We believe that we're in a place of lack. We believe that

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there's something we don't have that we need, and we don't feel safe. We don't feel safe with God,

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and that's what all of this is.

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It's coming up, and it's deeper than what we can logically

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talk ourselves out of.

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It's actual beliefs that we have against God

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and against his character and how good that we've

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declared that he is, or how good the accusations that we have

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against how good he declares that he is.

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And that's what all of that is.

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So we want it to make sense, et cetera.

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But when God heals us, and we just, over time,

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sometimes don't get answers, and we

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continue to choose God and his character,

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that if he says he protects us, he protects us.

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If he says he loves us, he loves us.

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If he says he likes us, then he likes us.

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And then he likes us to the degrees

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that he continues to want to reveal to us.

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When we choose that continually, the other stuff

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and all of those accusations, all of those lies,

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all of those proofs and evidence of how it hasn't worked out

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in the past, all of those things end up fading,

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where it doesn't, where we don't

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get answers for everything.

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And we actually find out we don't care.

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When we still have accusation against God, we care.

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As those accusations start waning,

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as we come to trust God more, because we

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choose to focus on the truth and we choose to focus on life,

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the more we do that, the more that what

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it is that we went through that we were looking

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for reconciliation for, we were looking for understanding for,

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we no longer have to understand.

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We no longer have to have it reconciled.

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We just don't care.

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It just fades from meaning.

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It faints from significance.

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Because it doesn't matter.

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We come to the point where we're like, OK,

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I don't know why I was in the lawsuit,

360
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and I don't really care.

361
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I don't know why so-and-so accused me,

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and I don't really care about why.

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Because we've been replaced.

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Our land that we have claimed and conquered

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has so that light, that truth, just replaces the darkness.

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It casts out the giants.

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We don't care about how they got there

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and how they lived while they were there

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and how it affected the land.

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It doesn't matter as long as God is love and good and true

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and righteous and holy.

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The long-

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Huh?

374
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I wanted to ask you, what do you think

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my accusations against him are?

376
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Because you're talking, and I'm trying to figure out,

377
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I don't know what I'm accusing him up because I don't know.

378
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I don't know what it is.

379
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Well, it's those things that I mentioned.

380
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They're just very core to the core accusations

381
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we all have against the Lord, that he doesn't protect,

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provide for us, identify us, love us, like us,

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or comfort us.

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I believe all those things.

385
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I believe who he is.

386
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I believe that he's protecting me.

387
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I believe that he protected me in that.

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I believe that he's protecting me now

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and he's providing for me.

390
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I don't think it's any of those things,

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necessarily, at least from what I can understand,

392
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at least where I'm at right now.

393
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It's something, unless you have a vision

394
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of what it is I'm accusing him of,

395
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I can't, none of those things fit to me

396
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because I don't feel like I'm accusing him

397
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of any of those things.

398
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It's just like, I don't know.

399
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I can't figure out what it is I'm accusing him of.

400
00:29:19.400 --> 00:29:22.040
So it's deep accusation that we have against God

401
00:29:22.040 --> 00:29:26.240
in all of these areas that goes all the way back to Adam.

402
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Agreements that Adam made, agreements that Noah made,

403
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agreements that David made, agreements that you made,

404
00:29:32.200 --> 00:29:34.120
grandparents, great-grandparents,

405
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and that's the land that we're overcoming.

406
00:29:37.040 --> 00:29:42.040
So it's not just, and so some of it is not just accusation

407
00:29:42.560 --> 00:29:45.960
that you've experienced,

408
00:29:45.960 --> 00:29:48.240
it's accusation that you inherited

409
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because someone else didn't overcome it.

410
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So you inherited the land that you're,

411
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and the giants that your parents didn't cast out,

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you know, just like in real life.

413
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that, you know, if the Israelites, if the first generation of Israelites didn't conquer

414
00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:13.280
the Antiquites in certain areas, well, then they left it to their children to have to do.

415
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And in the meantime, they and their children suffered under the oppression of the Antiquites

416
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until some generation finally decided to deal with it. And by that time, the Antiquites had

417
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breathed it. By that time, they've increased in number. So, and also our accusation. Yeah,

418
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I agree. We all believe that God protects us. We all believe that God provides for us

419
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until we don't. So, until we're in these situations where all of a sudden we're afraid,

420
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that's what fear is. Fear is accusation against God because God says that in Him we should have

421
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no fear. So, if we're fearing, it means there's something about God that He says that He is that

422
00:31:00.320 --> 00:31:06.400
we're not believing. And it's to an extent. So, in other words, we believe that He provides and

423
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protects us to an extent. We believe His character to that degree. But we finally, these triggers

424
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reveal the degree to which we don't now believe Him. We believe Him to this extent and then we're

425
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triggered. So, God will allow us to come to these trigger or these triggers which just come up or

426
00:31:25.440 --> 00:31:32.720
however they come up. They come up and all of a sudden we're set up against, set up against

427
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something that, you know, we come up against the degree to which we now no longer believe

428
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that God provides and protects us beyond this degree. We believe that He will to this extent,

429
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but we don't believe that He will to this extent. And so, God continues to, through our triggers,

430
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God continues to expand our boundaries so that we come to greater and greater agreement of the

431
00:32:00.560 --> 00:32:06.240
degree to which He loves us, the degree to which He provides for us. I mean, it's to the point where

432
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it's scandalous to the world. The amount that He loves us, the amount that He's good to us,

433
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what He will cover, what sins of ours He'll cover. Well, of course, He's covered all of them, but

434
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what I mean is that sometimes there are consequences that someone should bear

435
00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:30.320
and we don't see how they're bearing those consequences. Because why? Because God loves us

436
00:32:30.320 --> 00:32:40.800
that much, that He's willing to overcome those things. So, the way that God interacts with

437
00:32:40.800 --> 00:32:52.080
His sons is so loving and out of such goodness and desire for us that it's scandalous.

438
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I mean, it truly is. It offends us. God's love is so good that it actually offends us,

439
00:33:03.600 --> 00:33:14.400
meaning that it triggers us and we think, God, that's not righteous. That's not holy

440
00:33:15.200 --> 00:33:21.040
for you to do what you just did in mine or somebody else's life. And God's like, no,

441
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that's me. That's my love. That's the degree to which I love. I'm not scandalous in my love.

442
00:33:28.320 --> 00:33:37.920
So, that's what I mean about accusation. Okay. So, you're talking about me toward God,

443
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not other people toward God. I have a question for you that I wanted to ask as well, but

444
00:33:43.200 --> 00:33:46.960
just really quick, you're talking about me toward God or them toward God?

445
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What do you mean? Okay. I'll ask my other question. That's okay.

446
00:33:53.440 --> 00:33:55.920
Okay. I was wondering,

447
00:33:57.200 --> 00:34:01.360
why did He allow... So, there are other people who are strong Christians.

448
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Why did He allow me to be able to see? Why did He guide me out, but He still got these other

449
00:34:09.920 --> 00:34:16.000
really strong Christians that are totally involved and swept up in it? And why isn't

450
00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:21.600
He bringing them out of it? Oh, well, I mean, I don't know. That's their walk with the Lord.

451
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He's got different things with them. I mean, why did you go a year and a half,

452
00:34:25.440 --> 00:34:30.320
and your friend went five days? Why do some people see it instantly? Why do some people,

453
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their first day, as soon as they walk in the room and they immediately reject it,

454
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and they're like, hey, I'm out of here. And they walk out the door. And as opposed to those who

455
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continue on in it for five days or a year and a half or five years, or people that heard about

456
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it and immediately knew that was something they wanted nothing part of. I mean, everybody has

457
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their own journey. And we're not robots that where God just says, okay, I'm going to lead

458
00:34:57.920 --> 00:34:59.920
you by the nose, and you're going to do these things.

459
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.440
and this is what I want you to go through, so deal with it.

460
00:35:04.440 --> 00:35:09.440
We partner with those things, but God is our,

461
00:35:10.440 --> 00:35:13.680
and we make our own decisions out of our own free will.

462
00:35:13.680 --> 00:35:17.840
There are ways in which, there's ways in which God

463
00:35:17.840 --> 00:35:22.840
tries to father us in the free will that we are,

464
00:35:23.720 --> 00:35:26.800
that we're making our choices in.

465
00:35:26.800 --> 00:35:30.000
He's teaching us how to make mature choices,

466
00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:32.200
and so sometimes we don't make mature choices,

467
00:35:32.200 --> 00:35:36.120
but he doesn't abandon us when we make immature choices,

468
00:35:36.120 --> 00:35:38.400
when we're not discerning, or when there's something

469
00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:42.320
that we didn't know to avoid, we didn't know to be wary

470
00:35:42.320 --> 00:35:44.740
of this type of situation.

471
00:35:44.740 --> 00:35:47.680
We feel victimized, we're like, well, Lord,

472
00:35:47.680 --> 00:35:51.720
I never felt convicted by you, why not?

473
00:35:51.720 --> 00:35:54.120
The Lord still provides and fathers us

474
00:35:54.120 --> 00:35:55.460
in all of those things.

475
00:35:56.960 --> 00:35:59.620
Yeah, did that answer your question?

476
00:35:59.620 --> 00:36:00.760
Yeah, I think so.

477
00:36:00.760 --> 00:36:03.240
Like, I get everyone has their own journey and everything.

478
00:36:03.240 --> 00:36:05.680
I guess it's just hard for me,

479
00:36:05.680 --> 00:36:09.160
because I watch them, and they're apparent,

480
00:36:09.160 --> 00:36:11.040
like they're very faith-filled, some of them,

481
00:36:11.040 --> 00:36:13.880
and even the woman that's doing this weekend,

482
00:36:13.880 --> 00:36:17.520
who's leading it, she's very Bible-based,

483
00:36:17.520 --> 00:36:22.520
very focused on the Lord, and yet she's teaching this stuff,

484
00:36:23.280 --> 00:36:25.820
believing that it's gonna help set people free,

485
00:36:25.820 --> 00:36:28.220
at least in the soul level, mind and heart.

486
00:36:29.060 --> 00:36:34.060
But I'm like, she just, like, how do people not get it?

487
00:36:34.180 --> 00:36:38.860
Like, I almost, and then on the same kind of,

488
00:36:38.860 --> 00:36:41.580
I guess, playing field as that, is I'm wondering,

489
00:36:41.580 --> 00:36:45.380
so they don't get it, which I'm sort of sad about,

490
00:36:45.380 --> 00:36:47.300
and I know it's not my journey, it's theirs,

491
00:36:47.300 --> 00:36:49.300
but I almost feel like, should I not be telling them?

492
00:36:49.300 --> 00:36:52.580
Like, somebody told me, hey, you know what you're involved

493
00:36:52.580 --> 00:36:54.560
in, and I'm like, no, I don't believe you,

494
00:36:54.560 --> 00:36:56.620
but then I investigated it more.

495
00:36:58.160 --> 00:37:00.360
It's like, there are these really amazing people

496
00:37:00.360 --> 00:37:03.120
that I love that are still completely indoctrinated,

497
00:37:03.120 --> 00:37:05.880
completely undermined control,

498
00:37:05.880 --> 00:37:07.600
and they're apparently Christians,

499
00:37:07.600 --> 00:37:09.440
but they're not focusing on the Lord first,

500
00:37:09.440 --> 00:37:13.640
they're in bondage, they're not living in freedom.

501
00:37:13.640 --> 00:37:16.860
I know they're doing that, and it's like knowing,

502
00:37:16.860 --> 00:37:19.060
it's like never having a conversation about Jesus

503
00:37:19.060 --> 00:37:20.520
with somebody that you love.

504
00:37:20.680 --> 00:37:25.400
I feel like they, I think they're so indoctrinated,

505
00:37:25.400 --> 00:37:26.960
they wouldn't believe me anyway,

506
00:37:26.960 --> 00:37:29.880
but I almost feel like, why haven't I been able

507
00:37:29.880 --> 00:37:30.920
to have that conversation?

508
00:37:30.920 --> 00:37:33.080
Why am I not speaking out about this more?

509
00:37:36.660 --> 00:37:39.520
You're wondering why you're not doing it?

510
00:37:39.520 --> 00:37:41.360
And just the whole thing is like,

511
00:37:42.280 --> 00:37:44.440
I guess that's kind of the thought that's going on

512
00:37:44.440 --> 00:37:49.440
in my mind, is why am I just letting this keep going?

513
00:37:49.440 --> 00:37:51.600
Why am I not going to this hotel that it's at

514
00:37:51.600 --> 00:37:53.000
and standing outside and being like,

515
00:37:53.000 --> 00:37:55.900
just so you guys know, you're entering into a cult.

516
00:37:55.900 --> 00:37:57.360
Why am I not able to do that?

517
00:37:57.360 --> 00:37:59.860
I'm just sitting back and letting all this happen.

518
00:38:00.840 --> 00:38:05.760
Well, you just, not everything is given to everyone,

519
00:38:05.760 --> 00:38:07.940
just like to do, just like you said,

520
00:38:07.940 --> 00:38:11.640
that you have that friend who feels

521
00:38:11.640 --> 00:38:15.800
that they need to be outspoken about the cult,

522
00:38:16.800 --> 00:38:18.680
or a cult that she was in,

523
00:38:18.680 --> 00:38:21.560
and it's gone on television and whatever,

524
00:38:21.560 --> 00:38:23.960
and you don't feel like you should do that.

525
00:38:23.960 --> 00:38:26.520
There's different things given to different people.

526
00:38:27.600 --> 00:38:30.560
It's important for it to have compassion

527
00:38:31.520 --> 00:38:33.680
and to act on that compassion the way

528
00:38:33.680 --> 00:38:35.580
that we believe that the father would.

529
00:38:37.160 --> 00:38:39.080
Like, Lord, I believe that this is what,

530
00:38:39.080 --> 00:38:41.040
these are the types of things that you do.

531
00:38:41.040 --> 00:38:43.940
This is what I believe that you would do in this.

532
00:38:43.940 --> 00:38:44.940
This is the way that I believe

533
00:38:44.940 --> 00:38:47.460
that you're guiding and leading my heart,

534
00:38:47.460 --> 00:38:49.740
but it's going to be different for everyone.

535
00:38:49.740 --> 00:38:54.740
And what God might be having you do is to,

536
00:39:00.780 --> 00:39:05.780
you know, is to be more,

537
00:39:07.420 --> 00:39:08.980
I don't want to say silent,

538
00:39:09.940 --> 00:39:14.940
but just not stand in front of the stadium

539
00:39:15.740 --> 00:39:18.020
or the hotel or whatever it is,

540
00:39:18.020 --> 00:39:23.020
and call it out for what it is to everyone.

541
00:39:24.100 --> 00:39:27.380
I mean, there were all kinds of hideous things

542
00:39:27.380 --> 00:39:29.900
that were going on in Israel,

543
00:39:29.900 --> 00:39:34.260
and Jesus didn't stand outside and do that,

544
00:39:34.260 --> 00:39:36.220
and he was the son of God.

545
00:39:36.220 --> 00:39:39.380
There are ways that we can,

546
00:39:39.380 --> 00:39:43.340
it may, that battle may not be yours to overcome

547
00:39:43.340 --> 00:39:44.940
in that way.

548
00:39:44.940 --> 00:39:47.140
And the way that you can overcome

549
00:39:48.260 --> 00:39:49.740
for the benefit of the world

550
00:39:49.740 --> 00:39:54.020
is to overcome the trauma that it created in you.

551
00:39:54.020 --> 00:39:57.220
And then how the Lord wants to use it

552
00:39:57.220 --> 00:39:59.820
in other people's lives, you know, he'll lead you to.

553
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.980
So just go according to where it is that you feel peace in your spirit.

554
00:40:04.260 --> 00:40:09.700
It's not a formula and, um, as well.

555
00:40:11.020 --> 00:40:14.880
Um, because the world would say things like, well, we have to be very

556
00:40:14.880 --> 00:40:21.660
demonstrative if we mean it, or if we're trying to save somebody or whatever.

557
00:40:22.260 --> 00:40:26.640
But just because you go and talk to people, does it mean that their eyes

558
00:40:26.640 --> 00:40:28.660
are, are open to be able to see it?

559
00:40:29.160 --> 00:40:33.700
Um, but if the Lord leads you to do it, well then do it because he'll sustain you

560
00:40:33.700 --> 00:40:38.820
in it, um, and whether or not people's eyes are open to peace calls you to do it,

561
00:40:38.820 --> 00:40:45.240
then do it, but, um, the, you may not be in a place where, um, personally,

562
00:40:45.240 --> 00:40:46.860
where you can do that yet.

563
00:40:47.380 --> 00:40:51.660
Um, it may not be given to you to do, um, but some other things have

564
00:40:51.660 --> 00:40:56.900
been given to you to do, overcoming it, overcoming your own land, um,

565
00:40:57.020 --> 00:41:00.740
talking to and encouraging the friends that aren't still in the

566
00:41:00.740 --> 00:41:02.900
cult that you're still connected with.

567
00:41:02.900 --> 00:41:05.860
And I don't remember who you say that you're still connected with.

568
00:41:05.860 --> 00:41:07.700
There are a few people I think, oh, well, there, you said,

569
00:41:07.700 --> 00:41:09.460
Julie, that you said, um, you haven't.

570
00:41:11.500 --> 00:41:12.740
Oh, was it April that you haven't?

571
00:41:13.220 --> 00:41:17.700
I do have a few people who've kind of gotten out, but that I'm still

572
00:41:17.700 --> 00:41:20.660
connected to, but they're, they're, they're pretty much out.

573
00:41:21.380 --> 00:41:23.540
They see, they see what I see.

574
00:41:24.020 --> 00:41:26.300
No, and I've helped April a lot.

575
00:41:26.420 --> 00:41:30.660
Like April, I think she'd still be in it if I hadn't have shared

576
00:41:31.340 --> 00:41:32.660
what I've gone through with her.

577
00:41:33.020 --> 00:41:35.820
Um, that helped her a lot for sure.

578
00:41:35.820 --> 00:41:38.060
And she's been able to get out.

579
00:41:38.060 --> 00:41:45.580
And what you said about Jesus kind of struck me how he didn't, how he was in

580
00:41:45.580 --> 00:41:48.460
Israel, like he didn't take on everything.

581
00:41:48.460 --> 00:41:50.620
He had his mission, he had his purpose.

582
00:41:50.940 --> 00:41:54.500
And even though there were other things going on, he didn't have to stand up for

583
00:41:54.500 --> 00:41:55.860
every single thing that was happening.

584
00:41:55.900 --> 00:41:56.220
Right.

585
00:41:57.380 --> 00:41:57.700
Yeah.

586
00:41:58.620 --> 00:42:05.180
Um, yeah, he didn't, he didn't go and like picket and protest and, and to, and, and

587
00:42:05.180 --> 00:42:10.140
all of that, he understood that the battle was for the human soul.

588
00:42:11.100 --> 00:42:18.020
Um, and, and there were, and there were a variety of ways in which he could

589
00:42:18.020 --> 00:42:23.780
interact with people, um, you know, in the synagogue or out in the desert or

590
00:42:23.780 --> 00:42:29.380
wherever it, you know, met with Matthew, the tax collector and, um, Zacchaeus and

591
00:42:29.380 --> 00:42:32.780
he went to his house and, and he visited with people over dinner.

592
00:42:32.820 --> 00:42:35.380
And I mean, that's how he changed the world.

593
00:42:35.940 --> 00:42:39.580
Um, it wasn't big and demonstrative.

594
00:42:40.020 --> 00:42:46.260
Um, it's, um, it's often the small, quiet things that shake the world the most.

595
00:42:46.780 --> 00:42:49.300
Um, so just go wherever it is that the Lord calls you.

596
00:42:49.900 --> 00:42:57.540
Um, the don't receive condemnation that you're not doing something, um, that

597
00:42:57.540 --> 00:42:59.300
God hasn't called you to do.

598
00:42:59.660 --> 00:43:01.260
I'm not saying he hasn't called you to do it.

599
00:43:01.260 --> 00:43:04.580
I'm saying that if he has not called you to do something that don't, that shame

600
00:43:04.580 --> 00:43:08.940
and condemnation is if we're comparing ourselves to some kind of standard of

601
00:43:08.940 --> 00:43:15.980
measure that the world has put up, um, uh, of what it looks like if you truly

602
00:43:15.980 --> 00:43:19.100
care about other people, and if you really do want to save them, and if you

603
00:43:19.100 --> 00:43:23.420
really, whatever, um, because it's just not, it's just not true.

604
00:43:25.220 --> 00:43:25.500
Yeah.

605
00:43:25.500 --> 00:43:26.140
I like that.

606
00:43:26.140 --> 00:43:31.620
Like, yeah, you also said around, like, if somebody, you know, goes out and

607
00:43:31.620 --> 00:43:36.900
demonstrates through, you know, picketing or, you know, like the Black Lives Matter

608
00:43:36.900 --> 00:43:40.180
movement or people like that, or they go out and riot, it's like, okay, the more I

609
00:43:40.180 --> 00:43:46.420
demonstrate my unpleasure, displeasure with this, the, the more it means and the

610
00:43:46.420 --> 00:43:51.820
more of a difference I'm making, but like you said, like kind of the quiet

611
00:43:52.300 --> 00:43:59.580
spirit of somebody who just knows and chooses to be in the spirit over

612
00:43:59.620 --> 00:44:08.100
something like that, that might be even a different way, possibly a better way.

613
00:44:08.140 --> 00:44:08.620
I don't know.

614
00:44:08.620 --> 00:44:13.500
I won't judge it as better or worse, but it's a, it's definitely another

615
00:44:13.500 --> 00:44:18.180
way of going about it because you're demonstrating by living in the spirit

616
00:44:18.180 --> 00:44:22.140
instead of demonstrating through, it's like a peaceful demonstration almost,

617
00:44:22.180 --> 00:44:28.700
rather than a, um, violent or an outburst or anything like that.

618
00:44:28.700 --> 00:44:29.020
Right.

619
00:44:30.500 --> 00:44:36.140
Um, yeah, it, well, it's, it's actually, I know I keep going back to this word,

620
00:44:36.140 --> 00:44:42.820
but it's, it's actually doing the, the serious work of overcoming, um, as opposed

621
00:44:42.820 --> 00:44:48.100
to just making a really big protest about the whole thing, that that's not work.

622
00:44:48.540 --> 00:44:56.140
Um, the, uh, there's the, um, yeah, I mean, there's such a thing as like

623
00:44:56.500 --> 00:44:59.540
making one's voice known and heard.

624
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:09.280
but the majority of it at the time protests don't don't act aren't actually

625
00:45:09.280 --> 00:45:14.680
getting any work done they just make a whole bunch of noise so that people feel

626
00:45:14.680 --> 00:45:21.440
heard but it doesn't protests don't change things people getting out and

627
00:45:21.440 --> 00:45:26.400
impacting other people and living life a particular way making particular

628
00:45:26.400 --> 00:45:31.560
decisions and sending out particular intentionality that's what changes the

629
00:45:31.560 --> 00:45:40.040
world investing personally in another human life that impacts the world

630
00:45:40.040 --> 00:45:45.600
whether it be your own or someone else's well that's so yeah so I've definitely

631
00:45:45.600 --> 00:45:51.880
been in my own like life like honestly if you knew me two years ago I'm a

632
00:45:51.880 --> 00:45:58.320
completely different person in so many ways and even more so after working

633
00:45:58.320 --> 00:46:05.440
through the rest intensive and everything but yeah like and I'm also

634
00:46:05.440 --> 00:46:11.120
pouring into people one-on-one through my coaching and you know I'm not always

635
00:46:11.120 --> 00:46:14.920
perfect I don't love my job so I'm not always perfect at work sometimes I get

636
00:46:14.920 --> 00:46:19.080
stressed and stuff at work and I get to work on that for sure but I'm better

637
00:46:19.120 --> 00:46:24.360
with my daughter and better with for my clients I'm learning a lot that I'm

638
00:46:24.360 --> 00:46:28.960
imparting on to them and helping them through their situations that in some

639
00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:33.000
ways you know if I hadn't been through my situation with the group I would not

640
00:46:33.000 --> 00:46:41.320
be able to help them as much so that's all really good and just not yeah not

641
00:46:41.320 --> 00:46:44.480
needing to make a big production of it but just being in that place of

642
00:46:44.480 --> 00:46:47.160
overcoming and you said something else in there I wanted to touch on but now I

643
00:46:47.200 --> 00:46:54.280
can't remember what it was but yeah I think you said like you're doing the

644
00:46:54.280 --> 00:46:58.920
deep work of overcoming which you know I guess I could cover it up by going out

645
00:46:58.920 --> 00:47:05.120
and fighting and like helping other people but maybe it is better this way

646
00:47:05.120 --> 00:47:12.360
so then how for the people that are in it how do I reconcile in my spirit the

647
00:47:12.360 --> 00:47:16.520
fact that I'm not doing anything so I've left so my name's been dragged through

648
00:47:16.520 --> 00:47:21.080
the mud and I'm this awful person and according to them I'm not really but

649
00:47:21.080 --> 00:47:28.480
according to them so I'm I'm not doing anything to help them people I care

650
00:47:28.480 --> 00:47:34.680
about so how do I reconcile that like maybe yeah maybe it's not my place maybe

651
00:47:34.680 --> 00:47:37.840
I'm not supposed to do it maybe I'm just supposed to do what I'm doing but I

652
00:47:37.840 --> 00:47:42.360
still haven't reconciled that in my spirit completely where I feel okay about

653
00:47:42.400 --> 00:47:53.240
it okay about what part particularly not not actually like doing anything about

654
00:47:53.240 --> 00:47:58.440
it not Oh telling them not communicating with them not showing them that what she

655
00:47:58.440 --> 00:48:03.960
said about me is not true and that her story around me being this and me being

656
00:48:03.960 --> 00:48:08.440
that has made me look like a bad person so instead of them realizing that I'm

657
00:48:08.440 --> 00:48:13.280
leaving because I'm making a choice to be with God they think I'm leaving

658
00:48:13.280 --> 00:48:17.080
because of all these reasons that she said that makes you know it's all about

659
00:48:17.080 --> 00:48:22.440
me being bad right yeah no yeah I mean that's really hard I mean because it's

660
00:48:22.440 --> 00:48:29.080
hard to to leave people believing certain things about us that just aren't

661
00:48:29.080 --> 00:48:35.040
true but God can fight those battles for us says that and vengeance is mine I

662
00:48:35.040 --> 00:48:41.320
will repay save the Lord and he's the one who we leave to fight those battles

663
00:48:41.320 --> 00:48:49.880
we don't need to fight them we don't need to ensure that the burden of God's

664
00:48:49.880 --> 00:48:58.600
reputation in us is not on us we just follow the Lord we just follow with

665
00:48:58.600 --> 00:49:06.640
heart and and we just look like him and act like him talk like him and then he

666
00:49:06.640 --> 00:49:11.800
takes care of the fallout he takes care of the consequences and responsibilities

667
00:49:11.800 --> 00:49:19.920
and I'm speaking of this through through lots and lots and lots of experience

668
00:49:20.920 --> 00:49:28.800
and really really bad ways in which and in which my name's dragged through the

669
00:49:28.800 --> 00:49:33.880
med and very variety of things you know obviously the whole lawsuit thing that

670
00:49:33.880 --> 00:49:40.960
was really bad and we were the CEO my boss was the CEO of the company and then

671
00:49:40.960 --> 00:49:47.880
I was I was this right-hand person and and there were horrible horrible

672
00:49:48.120 --> 00:49:55.320
horrible things that and that that we were accused of that absolutely were not

673
00:49:55.320 --> 00:50:01.960
true and that court case went on for a year and a half I think

674
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.400
Yeah, it was a year and a half, almost exactly.

675
00:50:04.400 --> 00:50:11.040
And we, and there were so many ways in which we had invested in those people and we'd had

676
00:50:11.040 --> 00:50:17.040
like, we, they knew that we were Christians and they weren't, and they would come to us

677
00:50:17.040 --> 00:50:18.040
for advice.

678
00:50:18.040 --> 00:50:20.240
They would come to us for spiritual counsel.

679
00:50:20.240 --> 00:50:25.760
I had one person come to me and, or me and my boss, I guess, separately for spiritual

680
00:50:25.760 --> 00:50:29.840
counsel about whether or not she should abort her baby.

681
00:50:29.840 --> 00:50:35.400
And you know, there were, you know, people were drunk and they were on drugs and, you

682
00:50:35.400 --> 00:50:36.400
know, suicidal.

683
00:50:36.400 --> 00:50:43.200
And I mean, just things were terrible and their lives were changing when we were there.

684
00:50:43.200 --> 00:50:48.920
And that, and we were salt and we were light, and this is just one example of reputation

685
00:50:48.920 --> 00:50:52.760
where they all turned on us and, or at least leaders did.

686
00:50:52.760 --> 00:51:03.960
And then the leaders communicated certain things to them as if we were really evil and,

687
00:51:03.960 --> 00:51:11.840
and you know, spread all kinds of lies, told lies in court and, you know, just all kinds

688
00:51:11.840 --> 00:51:12.840
of things.

689
00:51:12.840 --> 00:51:17.440
And, and we were just, we're like, oh my God.

690
00:51:17.440 --> 00:51:24.280
And one of the things that we struck with was, Lord, what kind of a testimony is this?

691
00:51:24.280 --> 00:51:34.840
Shouldn't, you know, that your, your reputation, Lord, in, in our reputation is just being,

692
00:51:34.840 --> 00:51:37.800
looks like it's being dragged through the mud and God said, yeah, but that's not for

693
00:51:37.800 --> 00:51:40.880
y'all to, it's not y'all's burden to carry.

694
00:51:40.880 --> 00:51:46.160
He said, I will take care of my reputation and yours.

695
00:51:46.160 --> 00:51:50.040
And we just had to, had to let it go.

696
00:51:50.040 --> 00:51:54.240
And things got really bad after we left.

697
00:51:54.240 --> 00:51:58.480
And the people that replaced us, I just found this out a few months ago, the people that

698
00:51:58.480 --> 00:52:05.760
replaced us, of the people that replaced my boss, three out of the four managers that

699
00:52:05.760 --> 00:52:10.840
held his position after he left committed suicide.

700
00:52:10.840 --> 00:52:16.000
Three out of four that were in his position that, that one right after the other took

701
00:52:16.000 --> 00:52:19.080
his job, they committed suicide.

702
00:52:19.080 --> 00:52:23.720
Then there was another gentleman that had been through horrible, horrible things.

703
00:52:23.720 --> 00:52:30.800
I mean, I mean like he just was, he was, he was an alcoholic and he had depression and

704
00:52:30.800 --> 00:52:35.720
things were really bad and he was learning to, he was learning to believe in the Lord

705
00:52:35.720 --> 00:52:37.200
while we were there and all of that.

706
00:52:37.320 --> 00:52:42.600
I just found out a few months ago that, I think it was two years ago, two, maybe three

707
00:52:42.600 --> 00:52:47.320
years ago that he committed suicide by cop.

708
00:52:47.320 --> 00:52:51.800
So just terrible, awful things that happened afterwards.

709
00:52:51.800 --> 00:52:55.320
And it was hard because we were blacklisted.

710
00:52:55.320 --> 00:53:01.840
We weren't allowed to, there was a way in which we were not allowed to go back and visit

711
00:53:01.840 --> 00:53:04.200
with those people.

712
00:53:04.200 --> 00:53:09.720
Go back on, to interact with them, just, I don't know, all kinds of stuff.

713
00:53:09.720 --> 00:53:17.120
I don't remember everything that was, that was involved in all of that, but, and we just,

714
00:53:17.120 --> 00:53:24.760
we wanted to protect our, we, we, we loved those people and we wanted them to know, hey,

715
00:53:24.760 --> 00:53:30.880
look, what you're seeing and what you're hearing about who it, who it is that we are and what

716
00:53:30.880 --> 00:53:34.720
it is that we've done isn't true.

717
00:53:34.720 --> 00:53:39.360
And we want you to know that God is better than that.

718
00:53:39.360 --> 00:53:45.880
God is God, you know, you can trust God, you can love God, you, you don't have to worry

719
00:53:45.880 --> 00:53:49.000
that, oh my goodness, we'll see, look what happened.

720
00:53:49.000 --> 00:53:54.280
Look what they did, you know, and they claim to love God and so therefore, you know, anybody

721
00:53:54.280 --> 00:54:00.240
Christians are just evil and their God is just hateful and we didn't, we wanted to protect

722
00:54:00.240 --> 00:54:05.320
our reputation and the Lord's and save them themselves from themselves.

723
00:54:05.320 --> 00:54:06.480
We just couldn't do all of that.

724
00:54:06.480 --> 00:54:10.880
We just had to get her over to the Lord and that's just, that's just one example.

725
00:54:10.880 --> 00:54:17.480
There's, there's so many examples that I could give in my world of business and in personal

726
00:54:17.480 --> 00:54:26.480
life where my reputation's just been, was just slandered and I was isolated and I was

727
00:54:26.480 --> 00:54:33.480
alone and I, I fought against, I didn't like it for my sake and I didn't like it for theirs.

728
00:54:33.480 --> 00:54:38.280
I wanted them to know that whatever it is that they were attributing to Jesus, by looking

729
00:54:38.280 --> 00:54:42.560
in my situation, I wanted them to know, no, that's not Jesus.

730
00:54:42.560 --> 00:54:46.960
Jesus is good and Jesus is loving and I wanted to help those people because we poured out

731
00:54:46.960 --> 00:54:47.960
our lives.

732
00:54:47.960 --> 00:54:51.280
I poured out my life to so many different people in so many different areas of my life

733
00:54:51.280 --> 00:54:55.560
and I want them to know the salvation and the freedom that they can have.

734
00:54:55.560 --> 00:55:00.000
And I just have to release my, my reputation and I have to release God's.

735
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.880
reputation to them, and I understand that I can't control other people.

736
00:55:05.880 --> 00:55:12.320
I can't control what y'all think about me, what my clients think about me, if I can't

737
00:55:12.320 --> 00:55:20.600
control what y'all think about my particular viewpoint on theology and on the Lord, and

738
00:55:20.600 --> 00:55:22.800
I can't control what y'all do with it.

739
00:55:22.800 --> 00:55:28.840
I can't control if y'all, if you think, okay, well, all of this is hogwash, or if you think

740
00:55:28.840 --> 00:55:36.440
that, or if you trust it, and then you try to implement it, and then you feel that things

741
00:55:36.440 --> 00:55:44.080
go south, and then you either start doubting God, or people start hurting themselves by

742
00:55:44.080 --> 00:55:51.400
living in more fear and more bondage and whatever, and I can't take on that responsibility.

743
00:55:51.400 --> 00:55:58.340
God gave me the responsibility of speaking the truth and to be there for other people,

744
00:55:58.340 --> 00:55:59.340
no matter what.

745
00:55:59.340 --> 00:56:10.380
I even had someone ask me last night, because they were asking me about my business, and

746
00:56:10.380 --> 00:56:13.780
they were asking me about my pricing structure, and I explained my pricing structure, and

747
00:56:13.780 --> 00:56:20.020
they asked, they said, Ashley, have you ever had to turn away someone because they didn't,

748
00:56:20.020 --> 00:56:25.780
because since I leave it up to the client as to what they choose to pay, they asked

749
00:56:25.780 --> 00:56:33.380
me, Ashley, have you ever had anyone that paid a certain amount to the PayPal account,

750
00:56:33.380 --> 00:56:41.900
you know, as their monetary gesture, and you had to cut them off because after a certain

751
00:56:41.900 --> 00:56:49.420
amount of time, they were refusing, they were eating up all your time, and they weren't

752
00:56:49.420 --> 00:56:51.140
changing.

753
00:56:51.140 --> 00:56:57.460
They weren't shifting, and you had to just say, hey, look, you know, you haven't, you

754
00:56:57.460 --> 00:57:01.820
aren't meeting your end of the bargain, or I don't remember however my friend worded

755
00:57:01.820 --> 00:57:02.820
it.

756
00:57:02.820 --> 00:57:10.340
They were basically just asking, you know, has that ever happened, and I said no, because

757
00:57:10.340 --> 00:57:15.340
I said I don't require any money to work with me.

758
00:57:15.340 --> 00:57:23.660
If they want to, I only take people on that have owned their relationship with the Lord

759
00:57:23.660 --> 00:57:28.100
and that are serious about wanting to change for their sakes, and if they're willing to

760
00:57:28.100 --> 00:57:32.300
change for their sakes, I said I am in 100%.

761
00:57:32.300 --> 00:57:43.380
Their action and inaction does not determine my interaction with them, and so it's just

762
00:57:43.380 --> 00:57:49.620
something that I've committed to, and anyway, so that's the, those are the choices that

763
00:57:49.620 --> 00:57:55.060
I've made in life, so I tell you all of this so that, again, I like to give examples, because

764
00:57:55.060 --> 00:58:00.100
I've noticed they've been helpful to people, if I give examples of ways that I walk this

765
00:58:00.100 --> 00:58:09.140
out so that you'll know that when I'm giving suggestions, advice, perspective, it's from

766
00:58:09.140 --> 00:58:16.180
stuff I've had to walk out, because it sounds great and ethereal, you know, in theory, you

767
00:58:16.180 --> 00:58:19.740
know, we can sit here talking about it, and it sounds great, and we're like, yeah, yeah,

768
00:58:19.740 --> 00:58:26.220
I could do that for Jesus, and then we have to really do it, and that's, it's totally,

769
00:58:26.220 --> 00:58:31.060
it looks different out there in the world than it sounds like, and it looks like in

770
00:58:31.060 --> 00:58:37.700
our minds sitting here, and we do it anyway, because if we, if it's true, then it's true.

771
00:58:37.700 --> 00:58:39.620
It doesn't matter what it looks like.

772
00:58:39.620 --> 00:58:43.220
If it, if it's true, then we act on it, period.

773
00:58:43.220 --> 00:58:51.220
So anyway, I know that that's not really a great, like a perfect, like a formula answer

774
00:58:51.220 --> 00:58:54.260
or a strategy of like, oh, do this and do that.

775
00:58:54.260 --> 00:58:58.580
Your relationship is your relationship with the Lord, meaning that he has a way for you

776
00:58:58.580 --> 00:59:03.460
to travel and things for y'all to do together, and I don't know what it is that he's going

777
00:59:03.460 --> 00:59:07.540
to tell you to do and what it is that he's placed on your heart, but I want, I desire

778
00:59:07.540 --> 00:59:17.140
to give you, to guide you to where you can look to the Lord to find his peace, because

779
00:59:17.140 --> 00:59:18.940
I can't give you that peace.

780
00:59:18.940 --> 00:59:25.180
I can just give you suggestions that can have the opportunity to prompt your spirit about

781
00:59:25.180 --> 00:59:30.940
where to look to find your father to get your answer, because he's the only one who can

782
00:59:30.940 --> 00:59:37.060
satisfy these answers like, well, Lord, I feel something feels wrong in the fact that

783
00:59:37.060 --> 00:59:39.300
I'm just sitting here.

784
00:59:39.300 --> 00:59:44.580
Why is it, do I not have enough courage to go down the street and you want me to have

785
00:59:44.580 --> 00:59:50.540
courage or is it that you haven't called me to do that, you know, and, and I'm just, I'm

786
00:59:50.540 --> 00:59:54.980
just condemning myself, you know, what's going on, Lord?

787
00:59:54.980 --> 00:59:58.900
I don't know the answer to that question because the answer would be different for every individual

788
00:59:58.900 --> 01:00:00.260
and it will be different.

789
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.600
in different seasons of life. And I don't know what yours is. But so I just want to give you

790
01:00:05.600 --> 01:00:13.520
enough piece of a direction to where to look for your father and and and get the answer from from

791
01:00:13.520 --> 01:00:23.680
him. Because he desires you to God is not a God of confusion. And he he desires you to just be

792
01:00:23.680 --> 01:00:33.600
able to rest in him and allow yourself to be and what the being looks like. I don't know for you.

793
01:00:33.600 --> 01:00:37.040
Yeah, no, that all makes sense. And I'm curious, like when you're talking,

794
01:00:37.040 --> 01:00:41.520
because I do love examples, you know, that I they affect me for sure, when you give examples.

795
01:00:43.840 --> 01:00:49.360
So the the place that you worked, was it like a Christian ministry? Or was it a business when you

796
01:00:49.360 --> 01:00:55.280
were helping people when you were like the turnaround consultant? Okay, okay, so two

797
01:00:55.280 --> 01:00:59.600
different. Okay, so there's two different examples. I could give you the one that I'm talking about.

798
01:00:59.600 --> 01:01:04.560
Yes, turnaround consulting, it was a secular company, that owners claim to be Christians.

799
01:01:06.400 --> 01:01:14.080
But it was a it was a it was a secular company. Then there was another company that I worked for,

800
01:01:14.080 --> 01:01:20.640
that was very ministry oriented, extremely, it was still a business, but it was it's its purpose

801
01:01:21.440 --> 01:01:30.400
was for ministry. And it turned on me too. And I was bullied, like literally, I was

802
01:01:30.400 --> 01:01:36.480
corporately bullied, to the point where I talked to one of the owners about it later, a year later.

803
01:01:37.360 --> 01:01:44.960
And they were shocked to find out what I had gone through with with that person's business partner,

804
01:01:44.960 --> 01:01:49.840
because I'd been bullied by that person's business partner. And I never and I didn't know how to

805
01:01:49.840 --> 01:01:53.280
communicate it. It was kind of like being in a cult. And the fact that you're like, I can't figure

806
01:01:53.280 --> 01:02:00.400
out what's going on. And, but I just knew that things were awful that I was being bullied is,

807
01:02:01.360 --> 01:02:05.600
I mean, I didn't know, I didn't have words for it. But I was like, something's not right.

808
01:02:05.600 --> 01:02:10.160
I mean, it's not right. But I but I kept taking the blame on myself, you know, like you did,

809
01:02:10.720 --> 01:02:16.080
must be me, my problem. They're here for my benefit. God is using them for my benefit.

810
01:02:17.360 --> 01:02:21.360
And this is just all I thought will come to find out I was being bullied. So a year later,

811
01:02:21.360 --> 01:02:29.200
so I somehow came to that understanding. Oh, here's also how I realized that what was going

812
01:02:29.280 --> 01:02:37.760
on wasn't right and healthy. I, whenever I was away from the business, and like on a Saturday,

813
01:02:37.760 --> 01:02:43.520
or in the evening, or whatever, all of a sudden, I would have all this clarity. But if I would,

814
01:02:43.520 --> 01:02:48.080
and I knew what was going on in the situation, I still didn't call it bullying, but I knew what

815
01:02:48.080 --> 01:02:52.640
was going on in the situation. But when I would walk in the door Monday morning thinking, okay,

816
01:02:52.640 --> 01:02:56.960
now I've had a whole weekend of clarity. I'd walk into the business Monday morning,

817
01:02:56.960 --> 01:03:04.640
and get brain fog again. It was like, I couldn't see it. And couldn't see what was really going on.

818
01:03:04.640 --> 01:03:11.200
Anyway, so a year later, after I'd left, I told I told the business partner, what had happened.

819
01:03:11.200 --> 01:03:15.040
And by that time, the business partner that I bullied me, the two of those business partners

820
01:03:15.040 --> 01:03:21.680
had split and had a really major falling out. Because this business partner tried to do that

821
01:03:21.680 --> 01:03:26.320
to this one, what he'd done to me would just come and manipulate and and use everything to his

822
01:03:26.320 --> 01:03:29.840
benefit and all of that. Well, this business partner was too savvy for it. He figured out

823
01:03:29.840 --> 01:03:37.360
what's going on and didn't wasn't gonna have anything to do with it. But anyway, when I told

824
01:03:37.360 --> 01:03:41.840
this business partner a year later, what had happened, he was shocked. He went to work the

825
01:03:41.840 --> 01:03:45.840
next day after I had a conversation with he and his wife, he went to work the next day,

826
01:03:45.840 --> 01:03:54.160
and asked the president of the company, along with some other leaders, asked them,

827
01:03:54.160 --> 01:03:58.960
hey, Ashley has told me that this is what was going on several about a year ago.

828
01:04:00.160 --> 01:04:07.280
And when she left, I'm wondering, did that ever happen to y'all by this person? Because the I was

829
01:04:07.280 --> 01:04:18.400
the buffer. And once I left, then it started impacting the president, etc. So he, they,

830
01:04:18.400 --> 01:04:27.280
these are grown adults that you have, who are the presidents of who one was the president,

831
01:04:27.280 --> 01:04:34.960
but they were like leaders of a company that we're talking, go through intense situations at work,

832
01:04:34.960 --> 01:04:46.000
all day, every day. These are, you know, very people of like iron, iron, they broke down crying.

833
01:04:46.160 --> 01:04:51.120
When he asked them, hey, look, we got bullied, was this we're all corporately bullied in this

834
01:04:51.120 --> 01:04:58.960
last year, they broke down crying. So in other words, the situation was bad.

835
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.320
And when I left, it was horrid.

836
01:05:04.680 --> 01:05:10.600
When I had left a year prior, there were horrible things that were thought about me,

837
01:05:11.000 --> 01:05:16.700
said about me, and I had been brought into the company off

838
01:05:16.700 --> 01:05:18.940
of this business partner's recommendation.

839
01:05:18.940 --> 01:05:23.940
And he literally said that of everybody, including the president of the company at the time,

840
01:05:23.940 --> 01:05:26.960
out of everybody that he'd ever worked, that had ever worked for him,

841
01:05:27.560 --> 01:05:31.360
that I was the best employee he's ever had, ever.

842
01:05:31.760 --> 01:05:38.520
And so, in other words, I'm coming in with this reputation based off of all of the things

843
01:05:38.520 --> 01:05:40.260
that he was telling other people about me.

844
01:05:40.840 --> 01:05:43.280
People knew that I was very sensitive to the spirit,

845
01:05:43.280 --> 01:05:45.380
and they would ask me for spiritual guidance.

846
01:05:45.380 --> 01:05:51.580
I was brought into the company asked to bring my spiritual guidance.

847
01:05:52.780 --> 01:05:56.820
And I was kicked out of that company.

848
01:05:57.760 --> 01:06:00.400
It, I mean, like, almost on my tail.

849
01:06:00.740 --> 01:06:01.360
It was bad.

850
01:06:01.360 --> 01:06:06.300
And I thought, this is wild that Christians would do this to other Christians.

851
01:06:06.300 --> 01:06:07.420
This is embarrassing.

852
01:06:07.420 --> 01:06:08.520
This is whatever.

853
01:06:08.520 --> 01:06:12.940
And I had to just follow the Lord, and I had to leave my reputation in his hands.

854
01:06:12.940 --> 01:06:16.840
So, I've walked through these things with non-Christians, or, you know,

855
01:06:16.840 --> 01:06:20.580
people who claim to be Christian, but they acted very much non-Christian.

856
01:06:20.580 --> 01:06:26.780
And then it was just very secular business, and I have walked through it with Christians as well.

857
01:06:26.980 --> 01:06:32.880
Who were very ministry business focused, who were also very hyper sensitive to the spirit.

858
01:06:32.880 --> 01:06:35.440
And I was treated like that, too.

859
01:06:35.440 --> 01:06:41.980
Come to find later, those relationships have been restored and redeemed.

860
01:06:42.540 --> 01:06:46.480
And I'm very grateful for that, because this guy went around to the business

861
01:06:46.480 --> 01:06:48.740
and made sure that they understood what had happened.

862
01:06:49.500 --> 01:06:55.160
And he and his wife have always received me and have never rejected me ever.

863
01:06:55.620 --> 01:06:58.940
In fact, they offered me a job a year later.

864
01:06:59.560 --> 01:07:03.260
And they offered me a job and said, hey, Ashley, we're closing down the thing,

865
01:07:03.260 --> 01:07:04.860
the business that you were a part of.

866
01:07:04.860 --> 01:07:07.520
We're going to start this new business, and we want you to manage it.

867
01:07:08.520 --> 01:07:11.700
So, I ended up not taking the job, because God told me not to.

868
01:07:12.200 --> 01:07:16.660
But anyway, those are some examples of some really big, major things.

869
01:07:16.660 --> 01:07:23.980
And oh, and by the way, that situation in which I was corporately bullied and all of that,

870
01:07:23.980 --> 01:07:31.960
and that I was, that I had to leave with a bad reputation and all of that,

871
01:07:31.960 --> 01:07:34.600
that was a, those, the stakes were very high.

872
01:07:34.600 --> 01:07:37.340
That was, my contract was half a million dollars a year.

873
01:07:38.340 --> 01:07:39.720
It was major.

874
01:07:40.140 --> 01:07:42.500
Big situation, big stakes.

875
01:07:43.740 --> 01:07:46.680
And so, anyway, that's what I've walked out.

876
01:07:47.240 --> 01:07:51.120
And it works every time.

877
01:07:51.120 --> 01:07:53.000
The Lord protects and the Lord provides.

878
01:07:53.300 --> 01:07:58.040
But I went for, I went for a very long time without things being reconciled.

879
01:07:58.040 --> 01:08:01.360
And I've gone for a very long time with that, that other company.

880
01:08:01.360 --> 01:08:04.260
That was at least seven years ago.

881
01:08:04.940 --> 01:08:07.560
I think that the lawsuit ended seven years ago.

882
01:08:08.340 --> 01:08:12.860
And then I haven't worked for that company, in that company, like for eight years.

883
01:08:13.360 --> 01:08:14.760
You know, the secular company.

884
01:08:15.160 --> 01:08:19.180
And there's a lot of ways in which we've never seen reconciliation.

885
01:08:19.760 --> 01:08:22.359
I did go back to the property and prayed over it.

886
01:08:22.640 --> 01:08:25.000
No one knew why I walked in the store.

887
01:08:25.000 --> 01:08:28.060
No one knew that the person who was there had been there when I was there,

888
01:08:28.060 --> 01:08:29.319
but they didn't recognize me.

889
01:08:29.319 --> 01:08:34.500
And so, I was able to walk around the store, and I was able to forgive everyone

890
01:08:34.920 --> 01:08:37.040
and ask that the Lord wouldn't hold it against them.

891
01:08:37.600 --> 01:08:41.580
Everything that they'd done, everything they'd said, I brought reconciliation.

892
01:08:42.640 --> 01:08:46.479
I, God healed me, and I overcame the land.

893
01:08:47.640 --> 01:08:49.540
And then I then gave it to them.

894
01:08:50.680 --> 01:08:51.779
They didn't deserve it.

895
01:08:52.359 --> 01:08:58.080
But I chose that, I chose as a son of God, I'm going to act like my father.

896
01:08:58.600 --> 01:09:03.200
And if my father forgives me, because he wants to, when I don't deserve it,

897
01:09:03.760 --> 01:09:07.279
I will desire to forgive them, even if they don't deserve it.

898
01:09:07.279 --> 01:09:08.640
And they're not asking for it.

899
01:09:09.600 --> 01:09:15.680
And I will stand on their land, in their store, and I will claim, I will ask,

900
01:09:15.840 --> 01:09:19.920
I will declare, because I didn't even ask, I declare to the Lord, I said,

901
01:09:19.920 --> 01:09:24.760
Lord, as a son of God, who has right to have accusation against these people,

902
01:09:25.960 --> 01:09:32.960
I am declaring that no one, not you, Lord, not me, not Satan, not themselves,

903
01:09:33.200 --> 01:09:37.680
no one can bring accusation against them ever again for what it is that they've done.

904
01:09:38.520 --> 01:09:45.160
And I asked it to be written in heaven that all, that everything that they've done,

905
01:09:45.160 --> 01:09:49.319
that they've been completely absolved of, that they've been completely absolved

906
01:09:49.319 --> 01:09:50.319
of everything that they've done.

907
01:09:50.359 --> 01:09:51.800
I need to say that grammatically correct.

908
01:09:53.319 --> 01:09:59.160
So anyway, we don't always get beautiful reconciliation and

909
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:09.380
and other people we watch in those horrible death traps and we just have to

910
01:10:09.380 --> 01:10:16.980
follow the Spirit and interact with people as God calls us to. But yeah, we

911
01:10:16.980 --> 01:10:23.460
need to follow the Spirit in all the way that the world says that we need to, what

912
01:10:23.460 --> 01:10:30.260
you'd call it, you know, save people from themselves. We can't save people from

913
01:10:30.260 --> 01:10:34.740
themselves. Everyone makes their own free will choice. I don't know if those

914
01:10:34.740 --> 01:10:38.880
examples were what you were looking for or if they were helpful. No, they're

915
01:10:38.880 --> 01:10:46.500
helpful. I'm just, I think I'm like, what were you sued for exactly? Well, I

916
01:10:46.500 --> 01:10:52.620
can't disclose what they were sued for, what my boss was sued for. He didn't

917
01:10:52.620 --> 01:10:57.660
do any of it, but I can't disclose that because that's his deal. But when I was

918
01:10:57.660 --> 01:11:05.740
added to the lawsuit, I was accused of conspiracy. Conspiracy in helping

919
01:11:05.740 --> 01:11:13.180
him do all of the things that he was accused of. Okay. So, and our

920
01:11:13.180 --> 01:11:17.100
lawyer looked at it and said, this is a joke. They said that

921
01:11:17.100 --> 01:11:20.940
they can't prove that they've done any of these things. And then he looked at

922
01:11:21.020 --> 01:11:26.620
the records that we still had and he's like, this is just made up.

923
01:11:26.620 --> 01:11:31.260
He said their cases, they've lied and they've manipulated the

924
01:11:31.260 --> 01:11:37.580
information and he said that they don't have a leg to stand on. And finally, when

925
01:11:37.580 --> 01:11:41.980
the people, a year and a half later, realized they didn't have a leg to

926
01:11:41.980 --> 01:11:47.740
stand on, they finally agreed to settling out of court, which we'd asked

927
01:11:47.740 --> 01:11:53.820
them for for a year and a half. So, but anyway, yeah. But yeah, I was tacked on

928
01:11:53.820 --> 01:12:04.900
later. In fact, I was tacked on because my boss wasn't giving in to their

929
01:12:04.900 --> 01:12:09.220
demands. And so they thought, okay, well, if we can't get him with all of these

930
01:12:09.220 --> 01:12:13.740
things, we're trying to get him to, because they wanted us to settle

931
01:12:13.740 --> 01:12:17.180
out of court as well, but they wanted us to give them like lots and lots of money.

932
01:12:17.180 --> 01:12:21.620
And so he's like, no, no, we're not going to do that because this isn't true. So

933
01:12:21.620 --> 01:12:27.940
anyway, when they accused him of things and he was like, no, we're going to

934
01:12:27.940 --> 01:12:31.820
court on this because none of this is true. When they couldn't get at him, they

935
01:12:31.820 --> 01:12:36.020
thought they'd try to get someone they thought he would do anything to

936
01:12:36.020 --> 01:12:43.820
protect. And he was, he's a very, very good boss. And he, and he wanted to, and

937
01:12:43.820 --> 01:12:48.580
they knew that he would try to protect me from having to go through any legal

938
01:12:48.580 --> 01:12:54.020
issues and having my name dragged through the mud. So they added me to the

939
01:12:54.020 --> 01:12:57.620
lawsuit thinking that would finally get him to cave. Well, of course it didn't

940
01:12:57.620 --> 01:13:01.260
because he and I were on the same page about it. They were like, no, the Lord's

941
01:13:01.260 --> 01:13:07.100
going to protect us and we're going to follow the truth and it's all going to be fine. So, anyway.

942
01:13:07.100 --> 01:13:11.020
Wow. Do you know like why they would do something like that? What their

943
01:13:11.020 --> 01:13:21.940
motivation was to even start this lawsuit? Well, they, essentially it all

944
01:13:21.940 --> 01:13:29.900
came down to money. It came down to the fact that they, that there was a man who

945
01:13:29.900 --> 01:13:37.100
wanted our contract. And so he lied about my boss so that he could get the

946
01:13:37.100 --> 01:13:42.260
contract. And he did. And then a few years later, he turned on the company the same

947
01:13:42.260 --> 01:13:50.820
way that he turned on us. And he invested a lot of money from them. It was, it was

948
01:13:50.820 --> 01:13:57.380
really bad. He turned on them too. So, like I think in all of what you said, you know,

949
01:13:57.380 --> 01:14:01.220
among everything you shared, which I really appreciate, thank you for being

950
01:14:01.220 --> 01:14:08.180
so open about that. And I'm really sorry, I have another phone call, but I can, I

951
01:14:08.180 --> 01:14:14.540
have another five minutes. Is that okay? Is that enough time? Yeah, yeah, that's perfect.

952
01:14:14.540 --> 01:14:22.140
What you, I think to kind of sum it all up, it's like maybe we, maybe just me or

953
01:14:22.140 --> 01:14:28.020
maybe both of us, believe that we're kind of an extension of Christ here on

954
01:14:28.020 --> 01:14:31.700
earth. And we get to be his hands and feet. We get to share his spirit with

955
01:14:31.700 --> 01:14:37.620
people. And when our names drag through the mud or people perceive us a certain

956
01:14:37.620 --> 01:14:47.580
way that's not true, I know I feel like I'm not doing, you know, people aren't

957
01:14:47.580 --> 01:14:51.460
seeing him through me. Like, I don't feel like I'm doing what I need to be doing.

958
01:14:51.540 --> 01:14:55.380
Because they're not actually seeing the Lord through me. They're seeing all this

959
01:14:55.380 --> 01:14:59.700
junk that's been made up about me.

960
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.480
you know I guess just like to sort of finish it off like how do you

961
01:15:04.480 --> 01:15:07.680
I know what you said about like God will reconcile it and everything like that

962
01:15:07.680 --> 01:15:12.000
but how do you be okay with the fact that

963
01:15:12.000 --> 01:15:14.720
people aren't going to see the Lord through you even though you're doing

964
01:15:14.720 --> 01:15:18.560
what you can to shine his light their hearts are hardened or they're

965
01:15:18.560 --> 01:15:25.200
blinded or whatever it is how how do we get to be okay with that

966
01:15:25.200 --> 01:15:30.800
well we um because again God's reputation is in his hands

967
01:15:30.800 --> 01:15:36.320
not ours um so so to speak he in other words he defends his

968
01:15:36.320 --> 01:15:39.840
reputation he doesn't require us to defend his

969
01:15:39.840 --> 01:15:44.720
reputation that's what i'm i mean sure we we um anyway

970
01:15:44.720 --> 01:15:51.440
that's that's just the the basis of it um and uh so he'll defend his own

971
01:15:51.440 --> 01:15:56.240
reputation and we just have to do what we do

972
01:15:56.240 --> 01:16:00.080
in everything which is if God says it well then it's true

973
01:16:00.080 --> 01:16:04.080
so therefore if he says that he's going to defend his own reputation

974
01:16:04.080 --> 01:16:07.680
and he says that he does not hold us responsible for that kind of thing he

975
01:16:07.680 --> 01:16:12.800
just desires us to be to um submit ourselves to him to be

976
01:16:12.800 --> 01:16:18.960
open and willing to um uh to

977
01:16:18.960 --> 01:16:24.560
be matured by him and fathered by him into looking like him and acting like

978
01:16:24.560 --> 01:16:28.240
him etc and then he will take care of the

979
01:16:28.240 --> 01:16:32.320
consequences along the way he'll take care of the fallout or whatever

980
01:16:32.320 --> 01:16:35.840
and we can't control what other people think about God

981
01:16:35.840 --> 01:16:40.000
by how they look at us that's their free will based off of their background their

982
01:16:40.000 --> 01:16:43.920
choices just like we have a have the ability to

983
01:16:43.920 --> 01:16:46.720
choose what it is we do and don't believe about God

984
01:16:46.720 --> 01:16:50.880
they have a choice about whether or not they receive what it is that we're

985
01:16:50.880 --> 01:16:53.920
expressing or whether or not they receive um the

986
01:16:53.920 --> 01:16:58.240
truth truth from God himself we can't control any of those things so

987
01:16:58.240 --> 01:17:02.000
other people's choices are not our responsibility

988
01:17:02.000 --> 01:17:06.720
um we can um it's important for us to reflect our father

989
01:17:06.720 --> 01:17:10.000
but the consequences of us reflecting our father

990
01:17:10.000 --> 01:17:13.520
are not on us they're on their that reputation

991
01:17:13.520 --> 01:17:19.280
belongs to um belongs to him to defend um and we can control what other people

992
01:17:19.280 --> 01:17:23.040
believe about the word no that makes sense and i think sometimes i think

993
01:17:23.040 --> 01:17:26.480
about like showing up where there's going to be one

994
01:17:26.480 --> 01:17:31.040
of these gatherings in the spirit showing up showing i'm

995
01:17:31.040 --> 01:17:36.800
you know in a good place that i'm not who they think i am and like shining

996
01:17:36.800 --> 01:17:42.000
some light and bringing truth and you know all of that

997
01:17:42.000 --> 01:17:46.400
into the situation and i think that's maybe a little bit of why it's tempting

998
01:17:46.400 --> 01:17:49.040
for me not that they look at me and think oh she's doing so great she's so

999
01:17:49.040 --> 01:17:52.800
wonderful but like that i could be in there in the spirit

1000
01:17:52.800 --> 01:17:55.600
and actually shift maybe the way that they are

1001
01:17:55.600 --> 01:17:58.960
thinking about not just me but everything that all the

1002
01:17:58.960 --> 01:18:04.560
bad stuff about me represents which is that somebody else

1003
01:18:04.560 --> 01:18:09.280
they might be being deceived by somebody else not that i'm the problem but maybe

1004
01:18:09.280 --> 01:18:13.280
somebody else is deceiving them and maybe that would help them wake up

1005
01:18:13.280 --> 01:18:19.840
does that make sense um yes yes it does um and

1006
01:18:19.840 --> 01:18:23.840
it's one of those things again that we just have to

1007
01:18:23.840 --> 01:18:27.920
all of those things sound good and they are good and they come from a wonderful

1008
01:18:27.920 --> 01:18:34.800
um you know compassionate heart but what is the lord want because we can

1009
01:18:34.800 --> 01:18:37.520
do things from a very compassionate heart

1010
01:18:37.520 --> 01:18:43.360
and be walking into a situation that creates destruction

1011
01:18:43.360 --> 01:18:48.160
um that that they're not prepared for they're not ready for god hasn't

1012
01:18:48.160 --> 01:18:52.960
prepared um their hearts and um

1013
01:18:52.960 --> 01:18:57.840
but he loves the fact that we know that that is what he would do

1014
01:18:57.840 --> 01:19:02.320
and therefore that's what we want to do um but it's just really truly one of

1015
01:19:02.320 --> 01:19:04.480
those things that we just need to rest and rely

1016
01:19:05.360 --> 01:19:09.520
lord what is it that you want me to do i don't know what it is you should do

1017
01:19:09.520 --> 01:19:17.360
um i do know that that it seems to still hurt you so much

1018
01:19:17.360 --> 01:19:22.480
that it is it could be potentially dangerous

1019
01:19:22.480 --> 01:19:27.920
for you to go because it's still because you're still triggered and i

1020
01:19:27.920 --> 01:19:31.440
don't mean that you have any threat of being pulled back in again

1021
01:19:31.520 --> 01:19:33.920
because quite honestly i don't believe that

1022
01:19:33.920 --> 01:19:40.480
um but the fact that you are still uh you know triggered to

1023
01:19:40.480 --> 01:19:47.040
you know emotionally um is uh is um

1024
01:19:47.600 --> 01:19:54.080
god really has to say something point blank usually in

1025
01:19:54.080 --> 01:19:57.600
those situations in order for us to know that that's what

1026
01:19:57.600 --> 01:20:01.920
he's calling us truly to do

1027
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.000
because he appreciates and loves the compassion

1028
01:20:05.320 --> 01:20:07.680
and the heart for others,

1029
01:20:07.680 --> 01:20:10.960
but his priority right now is you.

1030
01:20:10.960 --> 01:20:13.680
Just like he could call you out,

1031
01:20:13.680 --> 01:20:18.520
he can call them out at any time without needing you,

1032
01:20:18.520 --> 01:20:20.400
without needing anybody else.

1033
01:20:20.400 --> 01:20:23.000
Sure, he can use other people, absolutely.

1034
01:20:23.000 --> 01:20:25.440
So what we have to know is, okay,

1035
01:20:25.440 --> 01:20:29.720
God, are you calling me to partner with you in this?

1036
01:20:29.720 --> 01:20:34.720
Or, anyway, that, yeah, God is very jealous of you

1037
01:20:37.080 --> 01:20:42.080
and desires to protect you during this time.

1038
01:20:42.680 --> 01:20:43.920
I'm not trying to make a judgment call

1039
01:20:43.920 --> 01:20:45.960
about what this time and season is for you

1040
01:20:45.960 --> 01:20:46.800
when you're walking forward.

1041
01:20:46.800 --> 01:20:48.360
I'm just saying that.

1042
01:20:48.360 --> 01:20:49.920
I do know that God is very jealous of you

1043
01:20:49.920 --> 01:20:52.640
and he desires to protect you

1044
01:20:52.640 --> 01:20:55.920
and give you time, healing, and space.

1045
01:20:57.480 --> 01:20:59.640
And he can do that for others

1046
01:20:59.680 --> 01:21:01.040
and open their eyes.

1047
01:21:02.080 --> 01:21:05.880
And he might call you to be part of what it is

1048
01:21:05.880 --> 01:21:07.920
that he's doing in all of them.

1049
01:21:07.920 --> 01:21:10.160
But, and then there's one other thing,

1050
01:21:10.160 --> 01:21:13.440
and then I have to, I have to go.

1051
01:21:13.440 --> 01:21:17.280
One other thing, and that is just for you to be,

1052
01:21:17.280 --> 01:21:19.200
just for you to know for yourself.

1053
01:21:20.240 --> 01:21:21.600
Because I don't know that, I don't know this,

1054
01:21:21.600 --> 01:21:23.640
this just popped into my head.

1055
01:21:23.640 --> 01:21:26.080
So you take it and you think about it,

1056
01:21:26.080 --> 01:21:28.760
take it for the Lord, see if there's any root in it.

1057
01:21:29.640 --> 01:21:34.640
And that is just the possibility of,

1058
01:21:34.760 --> 01:21:38.000
do you think that there's something that,

1059
01:21:38.000 --> 01:21:40.800
because this is often how we react to things,

1060
01:21:40.800 --> 01:21:43.480
where we desire to save someone else

1061
01:21:43.480 --> 01:21:48.480
and to help someone else see what we've seen.

1062
01:21:51.640 --> 01:21:54.560
We, you know, the life that we've been able to see,

1063
01:21:54.560 --> 01:21:57.280
the freedom that we've moved into.

1064
01:21:57.280 --> 01:22:00.560
There's some, there's ways in which we,

1065
01:22:00.560 --> 01:22:02.760
especially if we're going through healing,

1066
01:22:02.760 --> 01:22:05.000
that we believe that if we go out

1067
01:22:05.000 --> 01:22:07.720
and we talk to other people, it's going,

1068
01:22:07.720 --> 01:22:12.720
we use that as a subconscious way to try to heal ourselves.

1069
01:22:13.120 --> 01:22:15.520
If we're trying to heal someone else,

1070
01:22:15.520 --> 01:22:17.480
we're trying to help someone else.

1071
01:22:17.480 --> 01:22:22.480
Usually people are drawn to ministering to others

1072
01:22:23.880 --> 01:22:26.920
in the same ways that they've been hurt.

1073
01:22:27.480 --> 01:22:32.480
And it's in an attempt to heal something in themselves

1074
01:22:33.000 --> 01:22:35.800
by helping someone else heal,

1075
01:22:35.800 --> 01:22:37.760
which I would imagine you'd be very familiar with that

1076
01:22:37.760 --> 01:22:40.440
with all of your trauma work, you know,

1077
01:22:40.440 --> 01:22:41.720
in helping other people and everything

1078
01:22:41.720 --> 01:22:45.000
that you've learned about narcissism and trauma, et cetera,

1079
01:22:45.000 --> 01:22:47.520
is that is actually a,

1080
01:22:47.520 --> 01:22:49.560
I don't wanna say a coping mechanism,

1081
01:22:49.560 --> 01:22:51.400
but it's a way that people are attempting

1082
01:22:51.400 --> 01:22:53.240
to heal something in themselves

1083
01:22:53.240 --> 01:22:56.120
is by trying to do it in others.

1084
01:22:56.160 --> 01:23:01.160
And unfortunately, it is a coping mechanism

1085
01:23:01.440 --> 01:23:05.840
in the fact that there's a way

1086
01:23:05.840 --> 01:23:08.360
in which it really doesn't work.

1087
01:23:08.360 --> 01:23:12.200
It can be a bit of a tool,

1088
01:23:12.200 --> 01:23:14.680
but in the end, I don't know,

1089
01:23:14.680 --> 01:23:15.800
I could be wrong about this,

1090
01:23:15.800 --> 01:23:18.240
but I can't think at the moment

1091
01:23:18.240 --> 01:23:21.680
that it actually ultimately works.

1092
01:23:21.680 --> 01:23:25.200
It can help support and kind of like give someone

1093
01:23:25.200 --> 01:23:30.200
a bit of buoyance, but it can't, it doesn't,

1094
01:23:32.440 --> 01:23:34.800
we can only be healed by the Lord.

1095
01:23:34.800 --> 01:23:38.520
We can only be healed by that accusation being removed.

1096
01:23:38.520 --> 01:23:41.200
And that has to be done between us and the Lord.

1097
01:23:43.320 --> 01:23:48.120
And so anyway, my point is that I was just thinking

1098
01:23:48.120 --> 01:23:50.000
that it could be something that you could think about

1099
01:23:50.000 --> 01:23:50.840
and I'm thinking for the Lord,

1100
01:23:50.840 --> 01:23:53.400
like, Lord, is this something that I'm doing

1101
01:23:53.440 --> 01:23:57.240
in an attempt, but believing that it's subconsciously,

1102
01:23:57.240 --> 01:23:58.880
not consciously, but subconsciously,

1103
01:23:58.880 --> 01:24:03.880
but I'm seeking something that I desire to be true

1104
01:24:05.160 --> 01:24:08.000
that I, and I want to believe it.

1105
01:24:08.000 --> 01:24:10.240
And so if I go out and I do this thing,

1106
01:24:10.240 --> 01:24:13.240
I think it's finally gonna help me believe it.

1107
01:24:13.240 --> 01:24:16.040
I think that it's finally gonna help me

1108
01:24:16.040 --> 01:24:19.480
be able to reconcile what it is I went through,

1109
01:24:19.480 --> 01:24:21.600
that I'm able to help someone else

1110
01:24:21.680 --> 01:24:25.320
or by explaining it to someone else,

1111
01:24:25.320 --> 01:24:28.040
I can finally get an ender, I can finally,

1112
01:24:29.280 --> 01:24:34.280
I can finally get, what's the word?

1113
01:24:34.640 --> 01:24:39.640
I can finally find something to heal me

1114
01:24:41.000 --> 01:24:43.760
that I've been desperately looking for

1115
01:24:43.760 --> 01:24:45.800
and I can't seem to find it yet.

1116
01:24:45.800 --> 01:24:48.320
So maybe if I do this, I'll be able to find it.

1117
01:24:49.280 --> 01:24:50.520
Does that make sense?

1118
01:24:50.520 --> 01:24:53.400
But yeah, like, I think I do the two things in conjunction,

1119
01:24:53.400 --> 01:24:56.360
healing and at the same time, as I'm healing,

1120
01:24:56.360 --> 01:24:58.800
it's like that verse about using the comfort

1121
01:24:58.800 --> 01:25:00.320
that he gives us to comfort.

1122
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.680
for others, you know, I definitely believe

1123
01:25:03.680 --> 01:25:04.760
that I do it in conjunction.

1124
01:25:04.760 --> 01:25:07.360
I definitely believe part of it is everything

1125
01:25:07.360 --> 01:25:08.880
you just said, for sure.

1126
01:25:08.880 --> 01:25:12.640
I know, I've just been trying to do both at the same time

1127
01:25:12.640 --> 01:25:14.920
because I feel like as I help other people,

1128
01:25:14.920 --> 01:25:17.080
even in my coaching, it helps heal me.

1129
01:25:17.080 --> 01:25:18.440
A lot of times when we coach people,

1130
01:25:18.440 --> 01:25:21.520
it's exactly what we need to hear when we're saying to them.

1131
01:25:21.520 --> 01:25:22.360
So, and I know-

1132
01:25:22.360 --> 01:25:27.360
Yeah, and it is good, and I'm not trying to villainize it.

1133
01:25:27.520 --> 01:25:28.600
It is good.

1134
01:25:28.600 --> 01:25:30.640
I'm just saying that ultimately though,

1135
01:25:30.640 --> 01:25:32.080
it's only a leverage.

1136
01:25:32.080 --> 01:25:34.160
It's not the actual thing that can do it.

1137
01:25:34.160 --> 01:25:36.080
It can just kind of give us a bit of a boost,

1138
01:25:36.080 --> 01:25:38.920
but it can't actually do the thing we want it to do.

1139
01:25:38.920 --> 01:25:41.160
Yeah, and it's all about, like you said,

1140
01:25:41.160 --> 01:25:44.320
kind of like the focusing on overcoming

1141
01:25:44.320 --> 01:25:47.120
by going deep into it instead of trying to look outside

1142
01:25:47.120 --> 01:25:49.800
of ourselves in any way to probably heal.

1143
01:25:49.800 --> 01:25:51.520
And now you didn't use those words exactly,

1144
01:25:51.520 --> 01:25:53.920
but earlier on you said something like that.

1145
01:25:53.920 --> 01:25:55.280
Now, I know you have to go.

1146
01:25:55.280 --> 01:25:57.720
So what I was thinking, if you're open to it,

1147
01:25:58.880 --> 01:26:02.400
if I'm having a hard time over the next day or two,

1148
01:26:02.400 --> 01:26:04.920
would you be okay if I just sent you a Marco Polo and-

1149
01:26:04.920 --> 01:26:06.400
Yeah, absolutely.

1150
01:26:06.400 --> 01:26:09.800
Okay, because I might just want to unpack a few things

1151
01:26:09.800 --> 01:26:11.920
that are coming up for me possibly.

1152
01:26:11.920 --> 01:26:13.840
Of course, absolutely.

1153
01:26:13.840 --> 01:26:14.880
Thank you.

1154
01:26:14.880 --> 01:26:16.520
You're welcome.

1155
01:26:16.520 --> 01:26:17.880
It was good to visit with you,

1156
01:26:17.880 --> 01:26:21.280
and I'm sorry that you're going through this time

1157
01:26:21.280 --> 01:26:24.400
because of the fact that they're in town,

1158
01:26:24.400 --> 01:26:28.240
but it's times like this

1159
01:26:29.200 --> 01:26:31.840
that are the thresholds

1160
01:26:31.840 --> 01:26:36.840
that we can really truly choose to take by the horns

1161
01:26:36.880 --> 01:26:41.880
and conquer the land as opposed to giving up

1162
01:26:42.440 --> 01:26:45.240
or just like, I'll just settle into

1163
01:26:45.240 --> 01:26:48.600
just with a standing the storm.

1164
01:26:48.600 --> 01:26:52.600
These are the pivotal moments that you can,

1165
01:26:52.600 --> 01:26:54.440
that we can truly harness

1166
01:26:54.440 --> 01:26:57.800
and never be the same after this weekend.

1167
01:26:57.840 --> 01:26:58.920
I was thinking that too.

1168
01:26:58.920 --> 01:27:01.480
It's like, I'm getting my own personal development

1169
01:27:01.480 --> 01:27:03.800
right now by looking at Jesus

1170
01:27:03.800 --> 01:27:05.680
instead of the wind and the waves.

1171
01:27:05.680 --> 01:27:07.160
This is an opportunity for,

1172
01:27:07.160 --> 01:27:09.840
like, I believe this is an opportunity presented to me

1173
01:27:09.840 --> 01:27:13.520
to continue rising above and healing from this.

1174
01:27:13.520 --> 01:27:15.520
When it brings it to the forefront of our mind,

1175
01:27:15.520 --> 01:27:17.800
we deal with it and we get a little bit further

1176
01:27:17.800 --> 01:27:18.640
and a little bit further.

1177
01:27:18.640 --> 01:27:20.360
So yeah, absolutely.

1178
01:27:20.360 --> 01:27:22.600
It's just about me going deep into it,

1179
01:27:22.600 --> 01:27:23.800
discovering some things

1180
01:27:23.800 --> 01:27:25.920
and continuing that journey of overcoming.

1181
01:27:25.920 --> 01:27:26.760
So thank you.

1182
01:27:26.760 --> 01:27:29.120
Just lean on him and choose him.

1183
01:27:29.120 --> 01:27:29.960
Okay.

1184
01:27:29.960 --> 01:27:30.800
Thank you.

1185
01:27:30.800 --> 01:27:32.840
Feel free to Marco Polo me if you need to.

1186
01:27:32.840 --> 01:27:34.680
Okay, have a good night.

1187
01:27:34.680 --> 01:27:35.520
Bye.

1188
01:27:35.520 --> 01:27:36.360
Bye.