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Hello, how's it going?

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I'm very busy.

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How about you?

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I'm good.

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Yeah.

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What are you busy with today?

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What's going on?

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Oh, well, multiple things.

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Wedding stuff.

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I'm working on the invitations, and so I'm working on the wedding invitations, trying

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to coordinate someone who would be my photographer who would be flying into Dallas for my bridal

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and trying to coordinate that, you know, like the bridal pictures, the bridal with trying

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to coordinate that with getting to Dallas for the bridal shower as well as the lingerie

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shower.

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And then that means that I have to travel there and be away from here and working that

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around premarital counseling, all the while my fiancé has very sweetly gotten a guy that

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works here in the building on odd jobs to come and hang a mirror for him here in his

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apartment that I've been really wanting to decorate his apartment with.

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And he so sweetly has tried to get that done for me, and my mom is going to the actual

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store in Dallas to get the invitation papers like that, and she needs to do FaceTime with

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me, and it's been wild.

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And then I did a podcast interview for about an hour and a half today, and so it's going

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to air, I think, in like maybe next week or the week after.

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Anyway, so just a lot coordinating all at the same time.

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That's awesome.

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I have a question for you.

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Like if I, you know, I obviously love what you teach, and I've been implementing a lot

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of what you've taught me into my program with the ladies that I work with.

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Just like I waited until, you know, I waited for about a year after I was implementing

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it and felt like I was really in a space of being able to embody it and teach it and stuff

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like that.

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And I think, you know, the ladies could be very blessed by knowing you in some capacity,

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right?

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But I don't know what you would be open to necessarily, so a vision that I've had is,

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you know, even having you come and do, we have group calls every week, right?

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In doing, you know, we have an hour and a half group call every week, but I'm open to

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suggestions.

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Like I don't have a podcast, and I'm not doing a masterclass series in the near future, but

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I just think what you have to share is really valuable.

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And I don't know if you'd ever want to either come on to one of my Facebook lives on a Thursday

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morning at 10.30 and just speak about rest, or if you, like if you have something even

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coming up that you want to share about, or if you want to actually come on and just minister

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to the ladies in my group for one of our calls and just share a little bit about rest.

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Obviously, I would pay you for all that, but I'm curious, like what you might be open to.

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Oh, well, yeah, possibly so.

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So just let me know.

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I don't know kind of what you were thinking.

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I don't know.

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I would imagine, especially after what it is that I saw today, or not saw today, but

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how busy that I am, and doing a podcast in the middle of all of that, it probably just

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more low-key would probably be easier for me, as in like maybe like one of the Facebook

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lives or one of the just meeting with your group or something like that, you know, that

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might work well for my season.

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So yeah, we can just talk about it.

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Let me know what you were thinking, and then I could just see what ends up working with

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my schedule and what we'd be able to do.

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That sounds cool.

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Yeah, I'd love for them, a lot of them, I ended up making the rest module the last module

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that they're doing, which happened, it's so funny, it just happened to be module seven.

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And I just thought that was kind of cool, rest in seven.

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And I taught just kind of what I've learned and what I've learned from you and what I've

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learned from the Lord about rest and how I've been living it out.

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But I'd love for them, because we talk about rest a lot.

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And I know, you know, sometimes you explain things in a way that's different from me.

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And I think they hear my voice a lot.

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I think hearing a different voice would be kind of cool.

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Sure, sure.

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I know what you mean.

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We all just word it different because it's our message from our Father.

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And then we all just kind of have our own, I don't know, words and phrases that I don't

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know, just kind of like resonate with us.

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And so we all just talk about it a little different.

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Oh, totally.

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I love it.

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And you gave me, yeah, so I'll basically, I'll kind of think about some dates and think

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about where it would fit in well, but I think that would be just phenomenal for them to

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experience you and then for them to get to know you and follow you.

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And that way, if you're doing another rest intensive, they might be willing to pop in

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and do that.

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And so it'd be fun to, you know, just see what the connections are.

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would bring you know yeah all right okay we're good yeah just let me know what um uh what you're

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thinking you know what it is that you kind of iron out and then we'll run it through my schedule see

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what works out that sounds good so when is your wedding june 25th oh so it's coming up

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yeah so i've been engaged for a week two and a half weeks and we're getting here on june 25th

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so it's pretty uh it's by some people's standards it's pretty fast for us we're just kind of like

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no that's a good amount of time i mean why wait and uh he has sabbatical with his ministry uh

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meaning that they take off the entire month of july so we're really wanting to take advantage

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of the fact that he would not have obligatory work for a month and how many people get to start out

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their marriage like that so we figured that that would be a great thing to take advantage of so

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we're like whatever we have to do to have the wedding early in order to give ourselves

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foundation so we're excited about that that's that's cool we actually planned our wedding in

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three months as well okay yeah yeah so it was and it was phenomenal it was yeah it was just

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phenomenal the way it all came together um but it was the same with jason jason his house his

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mortgage was up his five-year mortgage was up and so we're like why sign on for another mortgage

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when he could move to my city and we could get married and be living together so it was a whirlwind

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but totally worth it so oh yeah oh yeah yeah we're finding it to be a whirlwind but already but in the

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whirlwind um because even though it's in the whirlwind doesn't mean that you know we have

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that we have to be out of rest so it's been a really good challenge for me to remember to

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to have to have um opportunities to remember you know to shift deeper into rest

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lord and became

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new environment who triggers situations or whatever so it's been it's been really good

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um and uh but anyway the thing is that even though it has been a whirlwind even in the middle

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of the whirlwind oh my we're like oh yeah totally worth it whatever it is that we have to do in order

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to get married by june 25th we're happy with so that's right i love it um yeah and i get it because

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it's like the texas thing right it's a it's a whirlwind but it's not stressful it's like it's

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like there's a lot to do but it's for a purpose you know we know the the common purpose that's

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shared and it's like it makes sense right yeah it's awesome you know what's so funny about texas

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and i and i am praying that in telling you this you will put my mind at ease because there's one

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thing that i'm afraid of when it comes to move into texas and and it kind of has to do with you

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which is funny not that i'm afraid of you um but there was a call that we had where something

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happened and it scared me and i'm like i don't know what this is gonna be about so i'm praying

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right now and i'm disclosing this to you that i'm hoping that you put my mind at ease with this

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so i'm afraid of spiders and oh big spiders like tarantulas are scary and there was a call once

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where you were at i think your mom's house and there was like a tree i think i had to like hang

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up and come back in later like i seriously like couldn't i couldn't listen to you share the story

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didn't handle it i couldn't handle it and and then at that time i wasn't even thinking about

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moving there but ever since i started thinking about moving there i've thought about that story

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and i'm scared because i don't like that idea and it just freaks me out so and then i know

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they're probably anyway please would you at all be able to put my mind at ease with this that

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they're not just coming into houses and like hanging out with us and i have to worry about it

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no no no no uh in fact i had never seen a tarantula in my life outside the zoo before

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that happened you know and so i've never seen one i didn't even know they existed in texas

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until i don't know i think i was at least i was that i was graduated from college you know as an

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adult and somehow i found out that there are tarantulas in texas i thought i had no idea

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so it just depends on where you are and the reason that it was at my friend's house well one thing

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they live by a by a creek in a wooded area and they just happen to live by a creek in a wooded

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area that has that had to rent that has tarantulas where it's actually a known thing in that

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neighborhood that they come but understand that that's also way way way way way out on the outskirts

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of dfw so it's not as populated and it they're still expand so that it's a part of dfw that's

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on the border and expanding out into the wild

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So they haven't like pushed as much of the wildlife out.

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So that was the situation.

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Also someone had left the door open.

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So they can't get in, you know, to the house usually.

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I mean, that would have to be a big hole

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in order for something to squeeze through.

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So no, that's definitely not a concern or a worry

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that you need to think about.

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So I'm aware that there are them.

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I'm not used to seeing them.

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I've been to South Texas, West Texas, East Texas

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for like long periods of time in all those places.

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And this is the first time I'd ever seen one in a while.

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Otherwise I'd only seen them

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beside glass and behind glass in YouTube.

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Okay, that is refreshing.

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And I thought you were at your mom's.

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So I thought you were in Arlington

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in the middle of the city.

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And I thought, why are they there?

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They're my best friends.

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About an hour and 15 minutes away from my mom.

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And that's driving like 75 miles an hour out, you know,

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an hour and 15 minutes out, so yeah.

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Okay, yeah, because I have heard that,

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because they're developing

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and they push the wildlife out to the outskirts.

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So if you're in the inner city, it won't be a problem.

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And so that's why I was concerned.

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Because I thought, well, I know your mom lives

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like in a subdivision type of neighborhood.

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Smack down in the middle of DFW, yeah.

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Yeah, okay, awesome.

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And you are going to have wildlife like,

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kind of like wherever.

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They have like a canal and so they have beavers

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and in the canal and you're going to have possums.

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Possums and armadillos are just part of Texas.

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They're just everywhere.

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But, you know, obviously they only come out at night.

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You're good.

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Anyway, yeah, so tarantulas are definitely

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not something you need to worry about

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unless you're moving way out into the country somewhere.

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No way.

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And even man, you probably would never see one anyway.

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Okay, yeah, armadillos, they're good.

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Like I'm good with armadillos.

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I'm good with possums.

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I'm good with beavers.

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I'm, you know, it's just tarantulas

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that are a little bit freaky.

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Yeah, I'm fine with snakes.

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I'm not, I don't like spiders.

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I've gotten better with spiders

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because I've just, you just healed more.

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The Lord's just worked through stuff with me.

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But like, for instance, snakes, you know,

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there's rattlesnakes in Texas and other snakes,

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but like out in the country, et cetera.

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But those don't bother me.

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It's the spiders that bother me

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and I'm not worried about spiders.

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I mean, to such an extent where it's a problem

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moving into Texas.

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Okay, yeah, no, that's good.

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And then I thought, okay, if I do need to like heal this up

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before I get there, like I need to work on this

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because obviously there's something where I'm like,

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a spider, it's the size of my hand

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and it's got all this power over me.

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So I'm.

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Yeah, yeah.

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I don't blame you.

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But I can work on that.

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I don't like them either.

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I don't like them either.

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They're hairy, they're animals.

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They're just like little like animals.

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I know, they're so freaky.

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Like, I don't know how you,

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I never heard the end of that story

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because I couldn't handle you talking.

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I was like, I got to come back in a few minutes.

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I conquered it.

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That was the end.

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I conquered it.

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I prayed, asked the Lord and he helped me do it.

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And I was like, that was actually one of my biggest fears

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was ever encountering a tarantula and killing it.

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And I did it.

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I'm like, okay, I can now do anything.

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You actually killed it.

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Oh yeah.

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Wow, how?

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With a shoe?

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What size are you?

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Because I was the only one awake.

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Well, no, like I had a flip-flop.

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It wasn't this one, but I had a flip-flop

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and I took the edge of it and I whacked it.

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And so, but I had to pray and I had to work up my courage.

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And it was kind of like one of those things.

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Oh, that was the guy who was supposed to help me.

235
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Oh, well, he's busy.

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And that I was standing inside

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of one of those shallow Rubbermaid boxes

238
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that slide into your bed,

239
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that you put like wrapping paper in or whatever.

240
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So I had been taking stuff out.

241
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I'd been on the floor when it came in.

242
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And so I closed my mouth

243
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because that's what my mom and I both do when we scream

244
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is we close our mouth and scream.

245
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So, and I jumped inside the Rubbermaid

246
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so that I wouldn't be on the floor.

247
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So I'm in that little thing

248
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and I'm just like, what am I gonna do?

249
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And so I asked the Lord if he would give me courage

250
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because I thought, seriously,

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I'm not going to go to sleep with this thing in it,

252
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with this thing in here.

253
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And no, I'm not gonna scream and wake up the house cold

254
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because it's James, my best friend

255
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and her husband and their kids.

256
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And I'm like, I'm not gonna scream.

257
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I can wake everybody up.

258
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They go to school and work in the morning.

259
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I can handle this.

260
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I'm like, Lord, you are gonna have to help me.

261
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So I really did.

262
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I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed.

263
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And I remembered, okay, remember who I am.

264
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And I got the side of the, my heart is beating so fast.

265
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And I grabbed the side of my shoe.

266
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And then I was like, okay, God,

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help me have the strength to be able to do this at one go.

268
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because I don't have time to miss and then lose it again and so I just prayed and I whacked it

269
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really good and it died but yeah. Wow that's impressive. I felt very powerful afterwards.

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Seriously. Oh my gosh I'm that's I'm proud of you that's awesome that is so good but terrifying.

271
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I don't know what I would do. Proud of me and then my best friend conquered her fear the next

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day the lady I stayed with the next or not the next day but like later on that week because

273
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her big thing is snakes and specifically I think like poisonous ones and there was one in her

274
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garage and she was alone and she had to figure out how to kill it on her own and so both of us

275
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within like a week's period of time conquered our worst fears. Me killing a tarantula and her

276
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killing a a poison snake so it felt very powerful. Wow well it'll be interesting I don't know I'll

277
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have to figure out all these like. I promise it's just it it's a it's in the country you know. Okay

278
00:16:09.840 --> 00:16:13.520
any place no matter where you go in the world has some aspect of wildlife you know that you

279
00:16:13.520 --> 00:16:20.720
could feel threatened by whether it be a spider or a snake or or or a mammal but um yeah there's

280
00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:26.480
it's not anything to be concerned about and moving to Texas specifically. Okay yeah because

281
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here I mean in Canada you do have certain creatures but they're bigger usually and they're in the

282
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woods. Yeah. I have never encountered a scary creature like I've just just where we are in

283
00:16:38.800 --> 00:16:44.800
Canada there's just nothing around here that's scary so I'm not used to it I'm not a huge fan

284
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of wilderness I'm I'm more like a cozy at home with walls and I don't like camping yeah not my

285
00:16:53.760 --> 00:16:59.760
stuff not my style so like okay if we get because I'm imagining oh we're gonna get a place like in

286
00:16:59.760 --> 00:17:04.400
the inner city with a pool and there's gonna be like tarantulas in the pool in the morning swimming

287
00:17:04.400 --> 00:17:08.160
around and I'm gonna have to like figure out how to get them out like this is what I'm imagining in

288
00:17:08.160 --> 00:17:15.839
my mind. Yeah no no don't worry about that. Okay awesome okay I feel better. Something like that

289
00:17:15.839 --> 00:17:23.839
is impossible but I I know that it exists in some places but I think that that's more again on the

290
00:17:23.839 --> 00:17:28.960
outskirts in the country I can't think of any friends you know in like something as big as the

291
00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:34.800
metroplex this which is what Dallas is called that that that's happened to so I'm not saying

292
00:17:34.800 --> 00:17:41.200
it's impossible it's just that I've lived there you know for years over like a decade and a half

293
00:17:41.760 --> 00:17:48.000
and me nor my friend ever had those situations that I've ever heard of. Okay that's good well

294
00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:57.280
and I we're looking at Colleyville, Grapevine, Trophy Club, South Lake area if you know that

295
00:17:57.280 --> 00:18:02.480
area very well. Oh good I was going to recommend to you when you were talking about uh where you

296
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were going to move I was thinking well if they if you wanted to go to the the main Grapevine

297
00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:17.600
campus sorry not main gateway campus uh right there off of 114 I would recommend you know that

298
00:18:17.600 --> 00:18:24.720
South Lake Keller area there is that's very nice you would really enjoy that. My parents have even

299
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said the other day that if they had to move from Arlington and they moved to any other place in

300
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Metroplex they move to the Keller South Lake area because it's just really nice particularly

301
00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:41.440
South Lake Keller is really nice as well but particularly but the majority of the reason for

302
00:18:41.440 --> 00:18:46.720
that is it's close to South Lake. Those are really good uh Flower Mound I've heard wonderful things

303
00:18:46.720 --> 00:18:53.600
about Flower Mound um it's a little yeah and then you in Plano you mentioned Plano right?

304
00:18:54.400 --> 00:18:59.760
Yeah Plano is also really really good uh the thing is uh

305
00:19:01.760 --> 00:19:06.160
that if they've got amazing school districts if I remember correctly I think it's Plano not Frisco

306
00:19:06.160 --> 00:19:12.240
their side their Frisco is directly north of Plano um but yeah all of those are really good places

307
00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:19.280
but yeah I honestly would not move to Arlington. Arlington is nice for like raising a family but

308
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it's older and it doesn't have as many like restaurant or entertainment

309
00:19:26.080 --> 00:19:33.120
options nice or shopping areas like South Lake would South Lake would have I think you'd enjoy

310
00:19:33.120 --> 00:19:38.960
the grapevine South Lake Keller district possibly Flower Mound which was on the north side of the

311
00:19:38.960 --> 00:19:46.800
lake uh I think you'd enjoy all of that more. Yeah that's good. We want to go to the South

312
00:19:46.800 --> 00:19:53.040
Lake campus preferably um okay and it's close so we like grapevine because it's right in between

313
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the campus and the airport and I want to be airporting I want to be at the airport and

314
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.120
traveling around and I want to be close to the airport because

315
00:20:03.120 --> 00:20:06.240
when I have retreats and stuff, I want to have people be able to

316
00:20:06.240 --> 00:20:11.400
get to us easily. Right. And so we're, our plan is to rent a

317
00:20:11.400 --> 00:20:14.600
place there for a few months and just look around and get used to

318
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the environment and the new changes. And then figure out

319
00:20:19.200 --> 00:20:25.560
good idea. I want to live. Yeah, good idea. So your your church,

320
00:20:25.560 --> 00:20:28.440
part of the staff and part of like the worship team and stuff

321
00:20:28.440 --> 00:20:31.760
came from your church. Part of them came from Vanessa's it

322
00:20:31.760 --> 00:20:34.360
seems like to like Robert Morris, I think went to Vanessa's

323
00:20:34.360 --> 00:20:37.800
church Trinity. So what was your church called before it shut

324
00:20:37.800 --> 00:20:38.240
down?

325
00:20:39.720 --> 00:20:41.320
Our restoration church.

326
00:20:41.480 --> 00:20:44.600
Restoration. Cool. It's kind of cool. The only two people I

327
00:20:44.600 --> 00:20:48.400
really know in Texas, like there's an interesting connection

328
00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:50.600
between the two of you and gateway the church we're going

329
00:20:50.600 --> 00:20:54.880
to go to. So just kind of confirms Yeah, more that, you

330
00:20:54.880 --> 00:20:57.720
know, we're, we're going to the right church, you know, like, I

331
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want to get I want to actually get hooked up with them now. And

332
00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:06.120
see if they do any virtual small groups or anything because, but

333
00:21:06.120 --> 00:21:09.360
when I text connect to their number, it doesn't go through

334
00:21:09.360 --> 00:21:12.960
because it's Canadian. So I don't know, I have to probably

335
00:21:12.960 --> 00:21:15.200
call the church and actually say we're going to be there in like

336
00:21:15.200 --> 00:21:17.400
10 months, but we'd like to connect with people now.

337
00:21:18.280 --> 00:21:19.880
preemptively. Yeah.

338
00:21:21.520 --> 00:21:24.240
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Surely they've got ways for

339
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internationals to connect. So like, zoom, or zoom, small

340
00:21:28.640 --> 00:21:29.720
groups or something.

341
00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:35.280
Yeah, that would be ideal. I, I have no idea what it's like

342
00:21:35.280 --> 00:21:37.880
there. I just, you know, there's this thing of like, I hope I fit

343
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in. I hope it I hope it's a good fit for me and that I fit into

344
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that culture and environment. Well.

345
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Yeah, just, um, you know, just whatever it is that the Lord has

346
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and he'll, and it'll just be what it is that he intends for

347
00:21:55.120 --> 00:21:57.880
y'all everyone and their walk with the Lord and where it is

348
00:21:57.880 --> 00:22:01.720
that the Lord has been is just, it's just different. So I had

349
00:22:01.720 --> 00:22:04.680
people that left our church, and a lot of them went to gateway.

350
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And then some didn't some went to other places, they found

351
00:22:08.400 --> 00:22:13.520
gateway, little slower for their taste. And others found the

352
00:22:13.520 --> 00:22:16.920
place that all those other people went to, too fast for

353
00:22:16.920 --> 00:22:20.200
their pace. And then, so everyone just kind of ended up

354
00:22:20.200 --> 00:22:24.080
in different places. But the majority, I don't know, let me

355
00:22:24.080 --> 00:22:27.200
just say that a large group of them moved to gateway, very

356
00:22:27.200 --> 00:22:30.880
large group of them. So it would felt closer to them like what it

357
00:22:30.880 --> 00:22:32.400
is that they were looking for and wanting.

358
00:22:33.840 --> 00:22:38.480
Yeah, yeah, it's, it's a good fit for us. I think at least to

359
00:22:38.480 --> 00:22:42.240
start, I've been there, I went there, and really liked it. And

360
00:22:42.600 --> 00:22:45.560
just feels like right, it feels like the right fit. It feels

361
00:22:45.720 --> 00:22:48.920
like it'll be good. Yeah, me too.

362
00:22:49.880 --> 00:22:50.400
Things about it.

363
00:22:51.040 --> 00:22:51.560
Pardon?

364
00:22:52.640 --> 00:22:54.400
I said I've heard amazing things about it.

365
00:22:54.680 --> 00:22:57.640
That's awesome. Well, the kind of the cool thing too, is that

366
00:22:57.640 --> 00:22:59.680
because your parents are in Arlington, I'll probably

367
00:22:59.680 --> 00:23:01.280
actually get to meet you in person.

368
00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:03.240
Yeah, probably.

369
00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:08.560
Yeah, because you'll come back and visit sometimes, I'm sure.

370
00:23:08.560 --> 00:23:11.280
So I'll just have to figure out when you're when I'm finally

371
00:23:11.280 --> 00:23:14.240
there in a year and you go back and visit, I'll be like, Okay, I

372
00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:17.840
can actually like give you a hug one day. That'll be fun.

373
00:23:17.880 --> 00:23:19.760
I know, it's really exciting.

374
00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:25.280
That would be. Um, what you said when we talked on Monday, was

375
00:23:25.280 --> 00:23:29.520
really powerful. That was really a big shift for me. And I know

376
00:23:29.520 --> 00:23:33.520
we kind of ended up I actually, I was like, Oh, I should ask her

377
00:23:33.520 --> 00:23:36.320
for the copy of the call because I wanted to listen to it again

378
00:23:36.320 --> 00:23:39.720
to, to go back through and like figure out what I wanted to ask

379
00:23:39.720 --> 00:23:42.440
you at the end, because all I wrote down was giving up and

380
00:23:42.440 --> 00:23:47.800
submitting to the Lord. And, but the but what I got from what you

381
00:23:47.800 --> 00:23:50.960
said was this whole idea about death and how death has no

382
00:23:50.960 --> 00:23:54.480
sting, and there is no death. And that's been huge for me this

383
00:23:54.480 --> 00:23:59.200
whole week, like Monday, after, you know, in the morning, that

384
00:23:59.200 --> 00:24:02.840
was an issue in the evening. It was never it wasn't an issue.

385
00:24:02.840 --> 00:24:05.040
And it hasn't been an issue since it's like, all of a sudden

386
00:24:05.040 --> 00:24:09.120
the fear of exciting, will my ministry be successful? Will I

387
00:24:09.120 --> 00:24:12.080
get this? Or will I have this? Or will I lose this? None of that

388
00:24:12.080 --> 00:24:15.200
matters anymore. Because there isn't a loss. There isn't death.

389
00:24:15.200 --> 00:24:17.840
It's like so simple. Why didn't I get this before?

390
00:24:19.720 --> 00:24:23.080
I know, I know. It really is great. Yeah, very freeing.

391
00:24:23.560 --> 00:24:28.200
So freeing. And so I, I think, you know, at the end, and I

392
00:24:28.200 --> 00:24:30.360
can't remember exactly what we were talking about. But we were

393
00:24:30.360 --> 00:24:35.800
talking about giving up and submitting to the Lord. And I

394
00:24:35.800 --> 00:24:39.600
can't remember exactly what we were talking about around that.

395
00:24:39.600 --> 00:24:41.920
Do you remember by any chance? Probably not.

396
00:24:42.680 --> 00:24:46.200
I'm afraid I don't. I mean, I can be I can talk to you about

397
00:24:46.200 --> 00:24:48.400
that. I mean, I can just jump in. But I don't remember

398
00:24:48.400 --> 00:24:50.200
specifically the last thing that we said.

399
00:24:51.680 --> 00:24:57.320
I Yeah, well, I'm sure it'll come up again. Like I think, you

400
00:24:57.320 --> 00:25:00.040
know, if I were to sort of reiterate a little bit.

401
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.720
about what was coming up for me. It might jog it a little bit.

402
00:25:02.720 --> 00:25:07.640
But basically, if I was to go back to that space of fear, it

403
00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:12.760
would be, I'm afraid that my business is not going to be

404
00:25:12.760 --> 00:25:17.800
successful, and that one day I'm going to have to give it up. But

405
00:25:17.800 --> 00:25:20.600
at the same time, I know there's something really good on the

406
00:25:20.600 --> 00:25:23.580
other side, that God will have more. So maybe I think I'm

407
00:25:23.580 --> 00:25:25.660
supposed to be doing this ministry, but God's moving me to

408
00:25:25.660 --> 00:25:28.600
Texas for a totally different reason. Maybe it's going to be

409
00:25:28.600 --> 00:25:31.640
something totally different than what I'm doing. I don't know. I

410
00:25:31.640 --> 00:25:36.720
mean, I have visions of speaking and doing other things. But when

411
00:25:36.720 --> 00:25:38.840
you're in Texas, you're in a pool of a lot of really

412
00:25:38.840 --> 00:25:44.240
talented people who do a lot of great things. So I have this,

413
00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:47.240
because I know I'm on my unique journey, but it's interesting

414
00:25:47.240 --> 00:25:51.360
because I have this thing where it's like, this is safe for me,

415
00:25:51.360 --> 00:25:54.400
this ministry to a certain extent is safe and comfortable,

416
00:25:54.400 --> 00:25:59.360
and I know it and I love it and I want to keep doing it. And I'm

417
00:25:59.360 --> 00:26:01.080
also going to be put in an environment where there are

418
00:26:01.080 --> 00:26:03.280
going to be these phenomenal people who are doing phenomenal

419
00:26:03.280 --> 00:26:07.040
things, which is so awesome, because I love the idea of being

420
00:26:07.040 --> 00:26:10.720
around those kinds of people. But I've also struggled in my

421
00:26:10.720 --> 00:26:15.600
life with this belief that because when I was a kid, I was

422
00:26:15.600 --> 00:26:20.520
very ostracized and different and never really felt like I

423
00:26:20.520 --> 00:26:24.400
belonged. And so I think you're getting a phone call.

424
00:26:25.520 --> 00:26:30.240
Oh, I'm sorry. I, I can't see you anymore. Yeah. Oh, there we

425
00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:34.400
go. Okay. So I was wondering if the issue was on my side. How is

426
00:26:34.400 --> 00:26:36.480
the connection? Am I okay?

427
00:26:37.040 --> 00:26:39.840
The connections been in and out a little bit.

428
00:26:40.040 --> 00:26:45.880
Yeah. Um, so what I'm trying to figure out is that's why I that's

429
00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:49.920
why it looks like you lot that I was gone there for a second

430
00:26:49.920 --> 00:26:58.640
because I was trying to work to make sure that that the Wi Fi

431
00:26:58.640 --> 00:27:05.720
was okay. Let me put this near the window. Okay. Oh, well, that

432
00:27:05.840 --> 00:27:14.240
doesn't seem to be helping at all. Oh, dear. I don't know

433
00:27:14.240 --> 00:27:23.920
what's going on. Okay. Anyway, so let me see if it's okay.

434
00:27:25.160 --> 00:27:28.640
Right. So what I can't tell is do I need to get use Wi Fi or

435
00:27:28.640 --> 00:27:33.160
cellular and cellular just not I mean, the Wi Fi does not seem

436
00:27:33.160 --> 00:27:36.920
to be working. So here we go. Okay, about that. I'm sorry.

437
00:27:36.920 --> 00:27:39.000
It's been spotty. But let me know if there's like if it's

438
00:27:39.000 --> 00:27:42.480
just so bad. You can't follow me. So I apologize.

439
00:27:42.800 --> 00:27:45.640
Oh, no, don't worry. No, it's not been that bad. It's been in

440
00:27:45.640 --> 00:27:48.520
and out a little bit, but I've been able to pick up what you

441
00:27:48.520 --> 00:27:54.800
were saying. So, um, yeah, so because I, I've always had this

442
00:27:55.040 --> 00:27:59.320
sensitivity around belonging, like when I walk into a space,

443
00:28:00.640 --> 00:28:04.640
it's like, I know I belong there. But I also feel insecure,

444
00:28:04.640 --> 00:28:07.600
like I, like I won't belong there or that I won't be

445
00:28:07.600 --> 00:28:11.720
accepted or won't be liked. Right. So I find that comes up

446
00:28:11.720 --> 00:28:17.120
for me is that that correct? Yeah. Yeah. Connect. Well,

447
00:28:17.120 --> 00:28:21.560
connection is the most important thing to us. Because remember

448
00:28:21.560 --> 00:28:26.000
that God does every because we're made in his image. And we

449
00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:29.600
have his have his character where our spirit is born of the

450
00:28:29.600 --> 00:28:34.760
Spirit in and to him, you everything goes back to union,

451
00:28:34.800 --> 00:28:38.720
union versus separation, everything. It's not sin versus

452
00:28:38.720 --> 00:28:45.600
not sin. It's union, and versus separation. And that evidences

453
00:28:45.600 --> 00:28:49.560
itself in how it is that we respond to our environment, what

454
00:28:49.560 --> 00:28:53.440
it is that motivates us, drives us, inspires us, etc. In our

455
00:28:53.440 --> 00:28:57.520
soul and our body. It's connection, we like we're driven

456
00:28:57.520 --> 00:29:01.600
towards connection, we're driven towards union with things. And

457
00:29:02.080 --> 00:29:09.720
so it, so it definitely, it's a root thing for, for everyone.

458
00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:13.120
It's just that some people like you can realize that that's

459
00:29:13.120 --> 00:29:19.680
what's going on. And so yeah, everything goes back to the fact

460
00:29:19.680 --> 00:29:25.080
that we're always desiring for and leaning in pursuing

461
00:29:25.080 --> 00:29:30.480
connection. Yeah. So and fearing a lack of connection, fearing

462
00:29:30.480 --> 00:29:35.240
lack, remember, because that's what death is. Death is the is

463
00:29:35.240 --> 00:29:39.360
lack. And so fear of death is fear of lack, which is very

464
00:29:39.360 --> 00:29:43.160
similar to poverty mentality. And I don't know that it's

465
00:29:43.160 --> 00:29:47.600
necessarily the same as poverty mentality, and probably, but

466
00:29:47.600 --> 00:29:52.160
I'd have to really think about that. But but anyway, so yeah,

467
00:29:52.200 --> 00:29:54.520
that's, that's why that kind of thing. It's important why it's

468
00:29:54.520 --> 00:29:59.320
such a driving factor of our fear.

469
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.000
Yeah, because fear is the fear of separation.

470
00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:10.000
Yeah, and because there is union with Jesus, like I'm trying to figure out, based on what

471
00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:13.080
we talked about on Monday, this would be next level.

472
00:30:13.080 --> 00:30:22.560
How do I not worry about belonging or, like, I think I connect with people pretty well,

473
00:30:22.560 --> 00:30:27.720
and people tend to connect to me pretty well, like I feel like they feel me, I'm a feeling

474
00:30:27.720 --> 00:30:33.980
person, and I'm not, I don't know, like I, especially now, like I think before I was

475
00:30:33.980 --> 00:30:39.840
very needy and very much in my trauma, but I think now I just feel a lot cleaner, and

476
00:30:39.840 --> 00:30:48.440
I think people will connect with me well, and do, but it's this fear of showing up,

477
00:30:48.440 --> 00:30:50.280
and what if people don't like me?

478
00:30:50.280 --> 00:30:52.220
What if they don't accept me?

479
00:30:52.220 --> 00:30:55.720
What if I feel out of place, you know?

480
00:30:55.720 --> 00:31:02.660
Yeah, well, so the thing always has to be that we get our assurance from the Lord, and

481
00:31:02.660 --> 00:31:08.940
we feel connected and belonging with Him in our identity, where you feel solid and secure.

482
00:31:08.940 --> 00:31:18.120
Then the rest of it won't, it can't shake our sense, it can't shake our foundation,

483
00:31:18.120 --> 00:31:22.380
it can't shake or affect our sense of identity.

484
00:31:22.380 --> 00:31:26.860
It can still hurt if we don't, aren't able to build the type of relationship connection

485
00:31:26.860 --> 00:31:32.140
that we desire to with other people, but it won't affect us the same way, and so it's

486
00:31:32.140 --> 00:31:37.100
important to always build it on that, to always go back to, so if we're struggling with a

487
00:31:37.100 --> 00:31:41.660
relationship connection, to always go back with the Lord to make sure that, and then

488
00:31:41.660 --> 00:31:49.860
get solid in that, and get anchored in that, and then, and it's important for so many reasons.

489
00:31:49.860 --> 00:31:54.140
For one thing, that's, it's just important for us to get back to that root, because that's

490
00:31:54.140 --> 00:31:59.380
the foundation of everything, but also that the more that we need something, the less

491
00:31:59.380 --> 00:32:03.420
that we can enjoy it, and the more that it runs from us, so to speak.

492
00:32:03.420 --> 00:32:09.420
So the more that we, that we, that we strive for something out of fear, out of fear of

493
00:32:09.420 --> 00:32:16.380
lack of it, like, oh my word, I don't have, I need, then the more that it is likely to

494
00:32:16.380 --> 00:32:22.580
escape us, it's, we're, what we don't realize is that we're actually pushing it away instead

495
00:32:22.580 --> 00:32:28.380
of allowing it to come, because things in creation, whether it be environments or whatever,

496
00:32:28.380 --> 00:32:38.660
environment situations, relationships, finances, business, whatever, if it is in alignment

497
00:32:38.660 --> 00:32:44.260
with who it is that we are in the Lord, it will naturally be attracted to us, but it

498
00:32:44.260 --> 00:32:49.580
has to be in alignment with who it is that, with the agreement that we've made with the

499
00:32:49.580 --> 00:32:53.740
Lord, and then His and our will, and how it is that we're operating together, how we choose

500
00:32:53.740 --> 00:32:58.860
together that we're operating in the earth, if it's in alignment with that, it will naturally

501
00:32:58.860 --> 00:33:05.340
be attracted to us, because things, creation, environments, relationships, you know, finances,

502
00:33:05.340 --> 00:33:12.180
business, it is intended to serve a son of God, the son of God is basically the standard

503
00:33:12.300 --> 00:33:20.020
to which everything else in our environment is always looking to respond to, so if we're

504
00:33:20.020 --> 00:33:26.060
giving it power in our mind by needing it, then we're not being what it needs in order

505
00:33:26.060 --> 00:33:32.660
to come to us, in order, you know, for that to be effortless and in rest, and there's

506
00:33:32.660 --> 00:33:37.660
an aspect in which it's a lot harder to have relationships with people, it's a lot harder

507
00:33:37.660 --> 00:33:42.820
to build connection, it's a lot harder to actually have belonging, if we need it and

508
00:33:42.820 --> 00:33:49.660
are straining for it, emotionally, internally, psychologically, whatever, it ends up oddly

509
00:33:49.660 --> 00:33:55.020
being like the opposite ends, or not the opposite ends, but by like ends of a magnet, you know,

510
00:33:55.020 --> 00:34:01.660
repelling each other, even though we're trying to force it together, it tends to repel.

511
00:34:01.660 --> 00:34:09.540
Okay. Yeah, that was a lot. That's, that's awesome. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, it's like

512
00:34:09.540 --> 00:34:18.300
drinking from the fire hose. It's awesome. And so, so basically, I, so it's shifting

513
00:34:18.300 --> 00:34:25.659
into my identity first, and really being in agreement with who I am and him and then the

514
00:34:25.659 --> 00:34:30.540
attraction component is stronger with the things that are aligned with that.

515
00:34:30.540 --> 00:34:36.300
Because you don't need it. So it can come. So it can serve because you're standing at

516
00:34:36.300 --> 00:34:41.100
the son of God is manifesting himself so that the creation can then come to that creation

517
00:34:41.100 --> 00:34:45.940
can be freed from frustration. So if the son of God is manifesting himself, the son of

518
00:34:45.940 --> 00:34:51.420
God isn't operating isn't isn't revealing himself to be what a son of God is, which

519
00:34:51.420 --> 00:34:57.340
is in union with the Lord, which is his identity being and being unified with Christ, which

520
00:34:57.340 --> 00:34:59.660
is in a position of power and authority.

521
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.560
he's not presenting himself as that and as a king as a governor as a ruler of his creation

522
00:35:07.120 --> 00:35:12.400
if he's not doing that well then creations continue to be subject to frustration which

523
00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:17.520
creates all of this animosity all this angst and we actually have to work for something to happen

524
00:35:17.520 --> 00:35:23.360
so in order for creation to be released from frustration everything to effort more effortlessly

525
00:35:23.360 --> 00:35:32.320
low every we have the sense of god have to manifest themselves so you being who it is that

526
00:35:32.320 --> 00:35:37.200
god has called you to be who god has declared you to be who god has identified you to be

527
00:35:37.920 --> 00:35:45.200
is what your situations that sense of belonging connection or whatever with people it's what it

528
00:35:45.200 --> 00:35:50.480
needs to happen it's what it needs you knowing who it is that you are is what it needs in order to

529
00:35:50.480 --> 00:35:57.120
happen so you have to let it go in order for it to happen so it's that whole release thing again

530
00:35:57.120 --> 00:36:01.440
it's like i need it i have to have it you know why isn't it happening you know it should be

531
00:36:01.440 --> 00:36:06.480
like this why it or it shouldn't be like this it shouldn't be like this lack of connection

532
00:36:06.480 --> 00:36:12.960
you know it shouldn't be like this it should be different we have to let that go um and uh in

533
00:36:12.960 --> 00:36:19.600
order for it in order for everything to shift into rest in order for for us to stand in up in

534
00:36:19.600 --> 00:36:25.440
and present ourselves to the situation who it is that we really are which is here which is

535
00:36:25.440 --> 00:36:32.560
eternal everything is underneath that serve uh serve in service to that and um so you actually

536
00:36:32.560 --> 00:36:43.840
have to be the thing in order for the other thing to happen it can't happen unless unless you you do

537
00:36:43.840 --> 00:36:54.080
that uh how do i grammatically say that it if you're not doing that it has to you have to work

538
00:36:54.080 --> 00:36:58.960
to make it happen because it's not going to actually naturally happen because you're not

539
00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:06.320
presenting yourself for it to respond to you have to show up as this in order for it to respond to

540
00:37:06.320 --> 00:37:11.600
you like that you have to show up as the son of god in order for it to to respond to you like that

541
00:37:11.600 --> 00:37:15.600
you can't just say you are and hope you believe that you are no you should believe you are

542
00:37:16.320 --> 00:37:22.000
in order for it to respond to it you have to be it you have to choose that that is who you are

543
00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:26.400
stand in the position that you're already in you're not moving somewhere you're already there

544
00:37:26.400 --> 00:37:33.600
but you have to stand in that choose yourself as that and then it and then it it's created to

545
00:37:33.680 --> 00:37:42.480
recognize and respond to that person right so being it is literally so we talk about like

546
00:37:42.480 --> 00:37:46.960
standing in agreement or standing in that space that we already have it's really kind of coming

547
00:37:46.960 --> 00:37:54.240
into agreement with the truth that already is correct but being it so to embody it is to choose

548
00:37:55.120 --> 00:38:01.120
and to let go of wanting it to look different like i mean i can't remember because i know there

549
00:38:01.120 --> 00:38:06.000
are certain things that you talk about like how do you be it when when you talk about if you were

550
00:38:07.040 --> 00:38:10.880
i know it's abstract so it's hard because you're not doing anything to be it but

551
00:38:10.880 --> 00:38:15.280
if you were to shift into that beingness and embody it what would that actually look like

552
00:38:17.200 --> 00:38:26.960
well you just choose that that is that you choose that your reality is what god actually says

553
00:38:27.840 --> 00:38:36.720
and it's more than just believing that oh what he says is true like uh okay so um say for instance

554
00:38:36.720 --> 00:38:43.680
that god says well i'm gonna use a glass say that god says okay ashley this is what i am saying is

555
00:38:43.680 --> 00:38:49.760
true this is a truth now he's like okay now you make your own free will decision what do you say

556
00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:55.200
is true what we have to do is we can't say we can't just look at that so say that this is god's

557
00:38:55.200 --> 00:38:59.920
hand this is our hand we can't look at god presenting that and saying ashley i am giving

558
00:38:59.920 --> 00:39:04.960
you my word i'm giving you truth this is what's true we can't look at that and say okay god if

559
00:39:04.960 --> 00:39:11.280
that's what you say it's true okay then then i guess then it will just be and and you know i'm

560
00:39:11.280 --> 00:39:15.520
looking for it lord i'm looking for it you know because if you say it's true well then all right

561
00:39:15.520 --> 00:39:21.280
i'm you know i'm gonna expect it to happen and if it doesn't happen then then either what you say

562
00:39:21.280 --> 00:39:27.120
isn't true or i did none or i didn't hear you right but we're looking at it as if it's something

563
00:39:27.120 --> 00:39:35.840
out there that is if we're getting to live vicariously through god's decisions and god's

564
00:39:35.840 --> 00:39:41.920
god's choice and and god's uh declaration of what's true okay if he says it's true okay i guess

565
00:39:41.920 --> 00:39:47.520
it's just going to happen that's not faith faith requires risk meaning god says okay ashley i have

566
00:39:47.520 --> 00:39:52.800
my own free will decision and i'm telling you this is what's true this is what i base my reality

567
00:39:52.800 --> 00:39:59.840
on in which i exist and i operate what do you say and here's our free will decision we're like okay god

568
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.720
I too choose that this is true.

569
00:40:04.720 --> 00:40:10.240
It's like a, as opposed to God just saying this and then us keeping our hands back and

570
00:40:10.240 --> 00:40:15.580
like having plan B and doing our own stuff over here, just in case this thing over here

571
00:40:15.580 --> 00:40:17.700
that God talks about doesn't work.

572
00:40:17.700 --> 00:40:20.420
We have to grab it, grab it.

573
00:40:20.420 --> 00:40:22.460
We have to put our own skin in the game.

574
00:40:22.460 --> 00:40:25.340
We have to choose that this is our reality.

575
00:40:25.340 --> 00:40:29.820
There's another way of seeing it, like a husband and wife coming together at the altar to commit

576
00:40:29.820 --> 00:40:31.400
themselves to each other.

577
00:40:31.400 --> 00:40:33.740
The husband says the vows first.

578
00:40:33.740 --> 00:40:39.700
Well, even though the wife says them second, and even though she says the exact same vows,

579
00:40:39.700 --> 00:40:46.500
she is making her own free will decision, free will commitment that is unconditional

580
00:40:46.500 --> 00:40:49.900
to whatever it is that he's saying.

581
00:40:49.900 --> 00:40:55.460
So she's saying, I'm going to commit to you this of my own free will, that this is how

582
00:40:55.460 --> 00:41:00.140
I'm going to react to you, respond to you, et cetera, regardless of what you do with

583
00:41:00.140 --> 00:41:01.140
me.

584
00:41:01.140 --> 00:41:05.100
For instance, and that's, this doesn't cover abuse, by the way, we're not talking about

585
00:41:05.100 --> 00:41:06.100
abuse.

586
00:41:06.100 --> 00:41:08.460
That's a breaking of covenant, et cetera.

587
00:41:08.460 --> 00:41:13.260
What we're talking about is like, like in sickness or in death or, you know, or sorry,

588
00:41:13.260 --> 00:41:20.140
sickness or in health where say, for instance, he becomes, he becomes a vegetable and is

589
00:41:20.140 --> 00:41:23.020
now in a wheelchair.

590
00:41:23.580 --> 00:41:30.620
Well, he can't follow through on his end of the bargain.

591
00:41:30.620 --> 00:41:35.660
You know, he committed all of these vows, et cetera, but now he is unable to, it's not

592
00:41:35.660 --> 00:41:40.020
that he can't follow through on his end of the bargain, it's that he can't give her something

593
00:41:40.020 --> 00:41:43.580
that her response to him is conditional on.

594
00:41:43.580 --> 00:41:44.580
He's just, he's just there.

595
00:41:44.580 --> 00:41:51.340
And she's like, I committed to him for the rest of my life in sickness or in health,

596
00:41:51.340 --> 00:41:53.940
regardless of what he's doing.

597
00:41:53.940 --> 00:41:59.060
So therefore she's like, this is my commitment to him, as opposed to the husband at the altar

598
00:41:59.060 --> 00:42:01.540
just saying, Hey, look, this is what I'm committing to you.

599
00:42:01.540 --> 00:42:06.980
And the wife was like, okay, you know, you know, if that's what you say, well, then sure,

600
00:42:06.980 --> 00:42:09.740
I'm, I'll, you know, I'll go along with it.

601
00:42:09.740 --> 00:42:14.940
I'll parrot it, or I'll, I'll echo it, or I'll just assume that if that's true, you

602
00:42:14.940 --> 00:42:19.660
know, if what you say really is true, and you really are committed to that, I'll just

603
00:42:19.660 --> 00:42:21.020
expect that to happen.

604
00:42:21.700 --> 00:42:23.500
And I'm just kind of along for the ride.

605
00:42:23.500 --> 00:42:29.420
And, and, and when a husband, wife come together at the altar, it requires both of their free

606
00:42:29.420 --> 00:42:35.900
will to make a intentional decision of what it is that they are committing to the other,

607
00:42:35.900 --> 00:42:40.140
regardless of what the, the other person does the same thing between us and God.

608
00:42:40.140 --> 00:42:44.900
God tests us that something is true about himself or us.

609
00:42:44.900 --> 00:42:49.140
We have to choose, okay, God, I'm choosing that.

610
00:42:49.140 --> 00:42:52.420
That is my reality, not I'm believing it.

611
00:42:52.420 --> 00:42:56.500
And if you say so, God will then, okay, sure, I'll expect it to happen.

612
00:42:56.500 --> 00:42:59.220
No, we have to put our money where our mouth is.

613
00:42:59.220 --> 00:43:05.180
We have to actually choose that it is reality to the end, if we choose it as that it is

614
00:43:05.180 --> 00:43:12.580
really the reality of the world in which we exist, how to, how to explain this, it's all

615
00:43:12.580 --> 00:43:16.340
what we're doing is we choose to make it.

616
00:43:16.340 --> 00:43:18.820
So that's what I'm trying to say.

617
00:43:19.500 --> 00:43:20.660
God is saying, Hey, I can create anything.

618
00:43:20.660 --> 00:43:22.220
I can make any laws that I want.

619
00:43:22.220 --> 00:43:28.300
I've made this truth to be so what we say is, okay, God, in my world, into my kingdom,

620
00:43:28.300 --> 00:43:32.740
I am choosing to make this.

621
00:43:32.740 --> 00:43:36.700
So it will feel like you're making it up.

622
00:43:36.700 --> 00:43:42.140
It will feel like, because it's like a king making up his own law and his own kingdom,

623
00:43:42.140 --> 00:43:43.700
something that doesn't exist.

624
00:43:43.700 --> 00:43:49.500
And he's causing it to happen into creation is causing it to happen into existence.

625
00:43:49.500 --> 00:43:57.860
He's causing it to happen in his, in his like realm of influence.

626
00:43:57.860 --> 00:44:05.180
And that's what I mean when I say he's choosing that you choose your reality.

627
00:44:05.180 --> 00:44:14.020
You're choosing what you determine will be true, not that it's a truth that exists out

628
00:44:14.020 --> 00:44:15.020
there somewhere.

629
00:44:15.020 --> 00:44:17.740
And you're like, you're giving it permission that, okay, if you're true, well, then it's

630
00:44:17.740 --> 00:44:18.740
going to happen.

631
00:44:18.740 --> 00:44:19.740
No, you choose.

632
00:44:19.740 --> 00:44:26.860
No, I'm, I'm insistent that this I'm making this happen, like by intention.

633
00:44:26.860 --> 00:44:31.660
And but the only things that we're supposed to do that with, or anything that God told

634
00:44:31.660 --> 00:44:35.420
us first, God has to have said something first.

635
00:44:35.420 --> 00:44:39.700
We're not talking about, okay, well, I just want to determine what I want to do for business

636
00:44:39.700 --> 00:44:42.980
or how much money I'm going to make, or whatever.

637
00:44:42.980 --> 00:44:47.740
That's what the new majors do, where it's like they pick and choose what it is that

638
00:44:47.740 --> 00:44:48.740
they want.

639
00:44:48.740 --> 00:44:54.940
And they make it happen by their own, by their own exertion or an effort, their own strife,

640
00:44:54.940 --> 00:44:56.340
their own manifestation.

641
00:44:56.340 --> 00:44:57.820
We're not talking about that.

642
00:44:57.820 --> 00:45:00.020
We're talking about creating your own reality.

643
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.520
based off of whatever it is that God said first is the reality that he

644
00:45:05.520 --> 00:45:10.760
created, the reality of his kingdom, kingdom principles, etc. I'm like, okay

645
00:45:10.760 --> 00:45:15.420
God, that's what you say is true. I am going to choose that that is my reality

646
00:45:15.420 --> 00:45:19.440
even though I don't see it in my world, even though I don't see it in my

647
00:45:19.440 --> 00:45:23.280
environment, even if I do not see it in my circumstances or in my current

648
00:45:23.280 --> 00:45:28.560
relationships. If you say that this is true and these are kingdom principles,

649
00:45:28.560 --> 00:45:32.960
all I'm seeing in my world right now is the principles of the kingdom of this

650
00:45:32.960 --> 00:45:37.920
world. If you say that this is true, I am choosing that that is the reality in

651
00:45:37.920 --> 00:45:41.320
which I exist and if I choose that that's the reality in which I exist, you

652
00:45:41.320 --> 00:45:46.720
will naturally start making decisions that come in line with that reality as

653
00:45:46.720 --> 00:45:52.320
opposed to the kingdom of this world reality that's trying to tell you that

654
00:45:52.320 --> 00:45:58.920
it's more real than this one. They're both real, they're both coexisting, but

655
00:45:58.920 --> 00:46:04.720
you choose this one and by choosing this one it allows it to supersede this one

656
00:46:04.720 --> 00:46:08.120
which is what is called a miracle, which is what is called where you see the

657
00:46:08.120 --> 00:46:14.080
supernatural come in, where not just you see physical things change

658
00:46:14.080 --> 00:46:18.320
like the wind of the waves were quiet, but also you will see people's lives and

659
00:46:18.320 --> 00:46:25.600
souls transform because they're coming into the presence of

660
00:46:25.600 --> 00:46:30.640
spirit that has more power than the kingdom of this world and if they choose

661
00:46:30.640 --> 00:46:36.960
to receive this over this, they get to gain the benefits. They can

662
00:46:36.960 --> 00:46:43.280
choose to reject it, but anyway, so that's why we can't manifest

663
00:46:43.360 --> 00:46:53.200
certain relationships to happen where we manipulate people's will and it

664
00:46:53.200 --> 00:46:57.200
happen according to the Lord. Like for instance, if you want somebody to love

665
00:46:57.200 --> 00:47:03.400
you, well you can't, you know, they still have a choice as to even if you bring in

666
00:47:03.400 --> 00:47:06.920
the kingdom of God in your relationship with them and how you interact with them

667
00:47:06.920 --> 00:47:14.760
in desiring belonging and connection with them, what you're doing is

668
00:47:14.760 --> 00:47:23.520
you are standing in a kingdom of God principle, but you're presenting it to

669
00:47:23.520 --> 00:47:28.920
the situation and the situation, the environment, circumstance, and their soul

670
00:47:28.920 --> 00:47:34.280
has an opportunity of whether to come into alignment with the kingdom of God

671
00:47:34.280 --> 00:47:38.960
that you're presenting or to reject it. If it rejects it, in other words, it's not

672
00:47:38.960 --> 00:47:43.880
in alignment, it will move out of the way because it's not within alignment and

673
00:47:43.880 --> 00:47:48.840
you want it to be that way. You don't want things in your life to be out of

674
00:47:48.840 --> 00:47:54.000
alignment with the Lord because it creates destruction in your own life, so

675
00:47:54.000 --> 00:47:58.880
you want to always stand in kingdom principles, you know, the kingdom of God

676
00:47:58.880 --> 00:48:05.880
and present his authority, stand in who it is that you are in him, choose the

677
00:48:05.880 --> 00:48:13.560
reality, chooses your reality, the reality in which you exist, choose that whatever

678
00:48:13.560 --> 00:48:18.120
he says is true is true in your world because you're making it so. You're

679
00:48:18.120 --> 00:48:22.280
determining it in your intention and in your will. I'm determining that it's so

680
00:48:22.280 --> 00:48:28.600
that everything else has a choice of how it wants to respond when it comes into

681
00:48:28.600 --> 00:48:35.040
interaction with you, when it comes into your presence. The kingdom of this world

682
00:48:35.040 --> 00:48:42.320
has an opportunity to receive it or to reject it, so we're not talking

683
00:48:42.320 --> 00:48:46.720
about manipulating somebody's free will by, oh, we're just because we're moving in

684
00:48:46.720 --> 00:48:51.240
a higher kingdom power than their kingdom. It doesn't mean that our will

685
00:48:51.240 --> 00:48:55.480
always supersedes theirs because God doesn't want a violation of somebody's

686
00:48:55.520 --> 00:48:59.560
free will, and if we're trying to ever use anything to violate somebody's, you

687
00:48:59.560 --> 00:49:03.000
know, to manipulate someone, it's a violation of their free will. We're not

688
00:49:03.000 --> 00:49:06.440
talking about that. We're talking about us standing it because we choose that

689
00:49:06.440 --> 00:49:09.840
between us and the Lord, and they have an opportunity of how they want to respond.

690
00:49:09.840 --> 00:49:15.720
Does that make sense? It does, yeah, absolutely. So what happens when somebody

691
00:49:15.720 --> 00:49:21.720
is, because of what they've been through when they were young, their conditioning

692
00:49:21.720 --> 00:49:26.200
in life, their belief systems, they're struggling to come into agreement

693
00:49:26.200 --> 00:49:29.600
because they're resisting God. They have accusations against him from when they

694
00:49:29.600 --> 00:49:35.480
were very young, like deep subconscious accusations. What do they do in that case?

695
00:49:36.440 --> 00:49:40.480
What do you mean? What do they do? Well, because a lot of the ladies I work

696
00:49:40.480 --> 00:49:46.920
with, they have these deep beliefs about God, about themselves, and who

697
00:49:46.960 --> 00:49:51.960
they are in him, their identity. They have a hard time coming into agreement

698
00:49:51.960 --> 00:49:57.040
with God and dropping the accusations they have against him. So yes, they can

699
00:49:57.040 --> 00:50:00.040
tell themselves to stop. They can tell their soul to stop. They can

700
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.580
and, you know, know that their spirit overpowers the lies

701
00:50:04.580 --> 00:50:05.420
and the enemy and stuff,

702
00:50:05.420 --> 00:50:07.560
but there's still that accusation

703
00:50:07.560 --> 00:50:09.360
that they have deep down inside.

704
00:50:09.360 --> 00:50:10.460
Does that make sense?

705
00:50:13.240 --> 00:50:14.160
Yes.

706
00:50:15.280 --> 00:50:18.440
So the thing is that it's one of those things

707
00:50:18.440 --> 00:50:23.440
where you just have to think of how to word this,

708
00:50:24.920 --> 00:50:29.800
to just, we continually have to just choose

709
00:50:29.800 --> 00:50:33.240
in faith that what God says really is true.

710
00:50:33.240 --> 00:50:36.760
And it's risky and we won't feel it.

711
00:50:36.760 --> 00:50:39.520
We won't feel like it's true

712
00:50:39.520 --> 00:50:41.320
and it won't make logical sense.

713
00:50:41.320 --> 00:50:44.600
We have to choose as an intention of our will

714
00:50:44.600 --> 00:50:47.520
that something is true.

715
00:50:48.420 --> 00:50:50.280
And that's what faith is,

716
00:50:50.280 --> 00:50:53.640
because faith isn't simply,

717
00:50:53.640 --> 00:50:55.240
faith is not believing things

718
00:50:55.240 --> 00:50:58.520
in a way that we've typically just been believing things.

719
00:50:58.520 --> 00:51:02.600
Faith is actually choosing that,

720
00:51:02.600 --> 00:51:04.760
choosing of our own free will and intention

721
00:51:04.760 --> 00:51:06.340
that what God says is true.

722
00:51:07.680 --> 00:51:09.300
And we just have to do it.

723
00:51:09.300 --> 00:51:12.580
We have to risk ourselves

724
00:51:12.580 --> 00:51:15.320
in the very place that feels most unsafe.

725
00:51:16.560 --> 00:51:21.560
And, but the thing is that I always recommend

726
00:51:23.000 --> 00:51:25.660
that people start with,

727
00:51:26.660 --> 00:51:31.260
like with, because we will only shift into rest

728
00:51:31.260 --> 00:51:32.820
to the degree, to the same degree

729
00:51:32.820 --> 00:51:34.900
that we believe that God loves us.

730
00:51:34.900 --> 00:51:37.140
And yeah, we can just not believe that he loves us

731
00:51:37.140 --> 00:51:41.020
and really struggle with that and whatever.

732
00:51:41.020 --> 00:51:42.980
We finally though just do,

733
00:51:42.980 --> 00:51:45.860
and I know this from personal experience,

734
00:51:45.860 --> 00:51:48.380
God will woo us because he's very kind

735
00:51:48.380 --> 00:51:49.260
and he's very loving.

736
00:51:49.260 --> 00:51:51.540
But what we eventually have to do is

737
00:51:51.540 --> 00:51:53.940
we have to just make an intentional choice

738
00:51:53.980 --> 00:51:56.060
that we are going to,

739
00:51:56.060 --> 00:51:58.140
that we are, that we're gonna come to him

740
00:51:58.140 --> 00:52:00.740
and allow ourselves to be loved.

741
00:52:00.740 --> 00:52:02.160
And that's very vulnerable.

742
00:52:03.860 --> 00:52:05.700
Just allow ourselves, just choose that,

743
00:52:05.700 --> 00:52:07.680
okay, God says that he loves me.

744
00:52:07.680 --> 00:52:10.980
So I'm coming to him and I'm allowing him,

745
00:52:10.980 --> 00:52:15.980
I'm allowing myself to be loved, to be loved on.

746
00:52:17.320 --> 00:52:22.320
It's almost like opening oneself up to the possibility.

747
00:52:23.320 --> 00:52:24.920
How would I write that?

748
00:52:24.920 --> 00:52:27.120
You can't think of it as a possibility,

749
00:52:27.120 --> 00:52:30.200
but I'm saying that you come to it originally thinking,

750
00:52:30.200 --> 00:52:32.280
okay, this is a possibility that God loves me,

751
00:52:32.280 --> 00:52:33.880
even though I haven't been feeling it,

752
00:52:33.880 --> 00:52:34.840
but he says it's true.

753
00:52:34.840 --> 00:52:36.500
So therefore it must be possible.

754
00:52:36.500 --> 00:52:38.400
So you come with this idea of like,

755
00:52:38.400 --> 00:52:41.100
okay, well, it's a possibility.

756
00:52:41.100 --> 00:52:43.200
All right, I'm going to have to choose

757
00:52:43.200 --> 00:52:47.760
that it's actually, that this possibility is actually real.

758
00:52:47.760 --> 00:52:49.460
I'm gonna have to choose that there is such a thing

759
00:52:49.460 --> 00:52:51.660
as God's love coming towards me.

760
00:52:52.640 --> 00:52:56.360
And then I just let it come as opposed to,

761
00:52:56.360 --> 00:53:00.040
and I allow myself to be affected by it.

762
00:53:00.040 --> 00:53:05.040
I allow myself to, I allow my feeling internally to change

763
00:53:06.160 --> 00:53:09.080
my actually receiving his love.

764
00:53:09.080 --> 00:53:12.120
It won't work to just mentally tell ourselves

765
00:53:12.120 --> 00:53:14.360
and try to remind ourselves that God loves us.

766
00:53:14.360 --> 00:53:15.720
It won't work.

767
00:53:15.720 --> 00:53:19.860
We actually have to open ourselves up internally

768
00:53:20.860 --> 00:53:24.360
and actually allow ourselves to be loved on.

769
00:53:26.420 --> 00:53:27.580
Yeah.

770
00:53:27.580 --> 00:53:28.420
Yeah.

771
00:53:28.420 --> 00:53:29.260
Yeah.

772
00:53:29.260 --> 00:53:31.620
And that begins to deal it at the root issue.

773
00:53:31.620 --> 00:53:34.540
Yeah, it's really about dealing.

774
00:53:34.540 --> 00:53:35.500
So that's interesting,

775
00:53:35.500 --> 00:53:39.380
because like it's hard to fully come into agreement with him

776
00:53:39.380 --> 00:53:42.140
when we don't believe that he loves us

777
00:53:42.140 --> 00:53:43.740
is kind of what you were saying at the beginning

778
00:53:43.740 --> 00:53:45.540
in your words, right?

779
00:53:46.980 --> 00:53:48.500
It's hard what?

780
00:53:48.580 --> 00:53:53.580
It's kind of hard to come into agreement with his truth

781
00:53:53.740 --> 00:53:55.140
and have faith in that and everything.

782
00:53:55.140 --> 00:53:56.420
You were saying something at the beginning

783
00:53:56.420 --> 00:53:58.580
about if we don't believe that he loves us.

784
00:53:58.580 --> 00:54:01.900
So one of the issues is to really receive his love.

785
00:54:03.260 --> 00:54:04.100
Yeah.

786
00:54:04.100 --> 00:54:05.980
Is that kind of what I'm getting there?

787
00:54:07.540 --> 00:54:12.540
So we need to, okay, so we need to stop fighting his love.

788
00:54:13.380 --> 00:54:14.220
Right.

789
00:54:14.220 --> 00:54:19.220
So it's kind of like, it's two sides of the same coin

790
00:54:19.460 --> 00:54:22.860
is the choosing that he loves us.

791
00:54:22.860 --> 00:54:25.140
And in other words, receiving his love

792
00:54:25.140 --> 00:54:29.580
and also letting go of the resistance to his love.

793
00:54:31.140 --> 00:54:35.380
We have to stop that resistance and that's what's hard.

794
00:54:35.380 --> 00:54:40.380
So it's a lot, if we think of it from the perspective

795
00:54:40.380 --> 00:54:45.380
of, so it's a lot easier for us to think of it

796
00:54:46.780 --> 00:54:50.340
from the perspective that receiving God's love

797
00:54:50.340 --> 00:54:51.980
is our natural state.

798
00:54:51.980 --> 00:54:54.300
The resistance is not natural.

799
00:54:55.420 --> 00:54:56.260
Right.

800
00:54:56.260 --> 00:54:57.300
And we have to let go of that resistance.

801
00:54:57.300 --> 00:55:00.060
And that's hard because that's what that resistance is.

802
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.000
but we have built up in order to protect ourselves.

803
00:55:03.000 --> 00:55:05.480
So we have to let that thing go.

804
00:55:05.480 --> 00:55:08.320
And then we just have to allow the Lord to just,

805
00:55:09.520 --> 00:55:12.200
we have to allow ourselves to be affected by,

806
00:55:12.200 --> 00:55:15.440
to feel and to receive his love.

807
00:55:16.920 --> 00:55:18.560
So we have to stop resisting.

808
00:55:18.560 --> 00:55:23.280
If we stop resisting, we'll receive it

809
00:55:23.280 --> 00:55:27.720
because that's our natural interaction with the Lord

810
00:55:27.800 --> 00:55:32.800
is for him to send it and for it to move through us.

811
00:55:32.840 --> 00:55:34.360
Resisting it isn't natural.

812
00:55:34.360 --> 00:55:36.440
So as soon as we stop resisting,

813
00:55:36.440 --> 00:55:38.520
like I said, it's two sides of the cane, same coin.

814
00:55:38.520 --> 00:55:40.160
If you do this one, this one's done.

815
00:55:40.160 --> 00:55:43.000
If you do this, so if you choose, you stop resisting.

816
00:55:43.000 --> 00:55:44.280
If you stop resisting, you choose.

817
00:55:44.280 --> 00:55:45.960
It's the same thing,

818
00:55:45.960 --> 00:55:48.840
but it just kind of depends on your soul at the time

819
00:55:48.840 --> 00:55:51.600
as to which direction you need to come at it from

820
00:55:51.600 --> 00:55:53.880
because which one kind of makes sense to you,

821
00:55:53.880 --> 00:55:56.400
which one helps you kind of get over your little hiccup

822
00:55:56.400 --> 00:55:58.080
or your hurdle,

823
00:55:58.080 --> 00:56:00.760
going at it from the stop the resisting and letting go

824
00:56:00.760 --> 00:56:02.960
or coming at it from the choose.

825
00:56:02.960 --> 00:56:04.520
Either way, you're doing the same thing.

826
00:56:04.520 --> 00:56:06.560
You're just coming at it from two different angles.

827
00:56:06.560 --> 00:56:08.840
Just kind of depends on what your soul needs at the time.

828
00:56:08.840 --> 00:56:12.360
But maybe some of it is easier for,

829
00:56:12.360 --> 00:56:14.400
so it depends on the person

830
00:56:14.400 --> 00:56:17.560
as to whether it's easier for them to stop resisting

831
00:56:17.560 --> 00:56:19.640
or for them to choose that God loves them.

832
00:56:21.880 --> 00:56:22.720
That makes sense.

833
00:56:22.720 --> 00:56:23.680
So it's really, yeah,

834
00:56:23.680 --> 00:56:25.600
because I have clients who really struggle

835
00:56:25.600 --> 00:56:27.160
to choose that God loves them.

836
00:56:28.200 --> 00:56:29.880
They really, really have a hard time with that.

837
00:56:29.880 --> 00:56:32.760
They just can't fathom that he loves them that much

838
00:56:32.760 --> 00:56:34.320
because of the abuse they've gone through

839
00:56:34.320 --> 00:56:37.240
and the trauma they've gone through, right?

840
00:56:37.240 --> 00:56:38.760
Yeah.

841
00:56:38.760 --> 00:56:39.800
So that's good.

842
00:56:39.800 --> 00:56:43.240
And I mean, when it comes to the belonging thing,

843
00:56:43.240 --> 00:56:46.120
so I don't know that I talked to you after this happened,

844
00:56:46.120 --> 00:56:48.000
but this was really, really hard for me.

845
00:56:48.000 --> 00:56:49.560
So this happened on New Year's Eve,

846
00:56:49.560 --> 00:56:51.080
which was actually really convenient

847
00:56:51.080 --> 00:56:54.840
because we have a couple of neighbors behind us

848
00:56:54.840 --> 00:56:59.840
and beside us and they are people who we've been,

849
00:57:00.040 --> 00:57:01.440
have I told you this story?

850
00:57:02.800 --> 00:57:04.360
Have I told you about what happened with them?

851
00:57:04.360 --> 00:57:06.280
No, but I know that your history

852
00:57:06.280 --> 00:57:08.560
with the whole issue with their kids

853
00:57:08.560 --> 00:57:09.840
and your little girl,

854
00:57:09.840 --> 00:57:13.680
as well as like the vaccines and all that stuff.

855
00:57:13.680 --> 00:57:15.800
So that part I've heard, yeah.

856
00:57:15.800 --> 00:57:17.240
Well, I thought things were pretty good.

857
00:57:17.240 --> 00:57:20.200
Like they swim at our house like all summer

858
00:57:20.200 --> 00:57:22.080
and it's almost an open invitation.

859
00:57:22.120 --> 00:57:23.480
They come over all the time

860
00:57:23.480 --> 00:57:26.440
and we've always had a really good relationship with them.

861
00:57:26.440 --> 00:57:27.760
We're very welcoming.

862
00:57:27.760 --> 00:57:31.760
And our neighbors next door used to be Christians

863
00:57:31.760 --> 00:57:33.320
and they're not anymore.

864
00:57:33.320 --> 00:57:35.720
When we met them, they were and now they're not.

865
00:57:36.640 --> 00:57:40.320
And the people behind us, they don't have the faith at all.

866
00:57:40.320 --> 00:57:42.520
And so they might not be people

867
00:57:42.520 --> 00:57:44.760
that we would just naturally gravitate to,

868
00:57:44.760 --> 00:57:48.040
but we had a lot in common and the kids play together well

869
00:57:48.040 --> 00:57:49.960
and it was nice chatting with them, right?

870
00:57:49.960 --> 00:57:51.960
I thought we had a really good dynamic.

871
00:57:53.080 --> 00:57:54.560
The one, the both of the women,

872
00:57:54.560 --> 00:57:55.960
they struggle with mental health stuff.

873
00:57:55.960 --> 00:57:58.360
So we've had lots of conversations about mental health.

874
00:57:58.360 --> 00:58:00.480
And again, I just thought it was really good.

875
00:58:00.480 --> 00:58:03.440
So New Year's Eve comes and I go out,

876
00:58:03.440 --> 00:58:04.480
got to pick up a few things.

877
00:58:04.480 --> 00:58:06.200
I come home around 6 p.m.

878
00:58:07.080 --> 00:58:11.240
And Jason's like, come here, look back there.

879
00:58:11.240 --> 00:58:12.840
And the house behind us, our neighbors,

880
00:58:12.840 --> 00:58:14.200
they have like all windows at the back

881
00:58:14.200 --> 00:58:15.800
so you can see everything.

882
00:58:15.800 --> 00:58:18.600
So they had the next door neighbors over

883
00:58:18.600 --> 00:58:21.120
for a New Year's party with all the kids

884
00:58:21.320 --> 00:58:23.320
and didn't invite us or Aveya.

885
00:58:25.280 --> 00:58:28.480
And it was really hard for me.

886
00:58:28.480 --> 00:58:32.040
I cried so hard.

887
00:58:32.040 --> 00:58:34.600
I bawled, I was so hurt.

888
00:58:34.600 --> 00:58:37.320
I was devastated about that.

889
00:58:38.480 --> 00:58:40.640
Just watching them all having fun

890
00:58:40.640 --> 00:58:41.600
and the kids running around

891
00:58:41.600 --> 00:58:44.560
and knowing that our family wasn't included.

892
00:58:44.560 --> 00:58:46.600
And the three families, we always hang out.

893
00:58:46.600 --> 00:58:47.840
We have a Facebook chat.

894
00:58:47.840 --> 00:58:49.400
We always talk in like all this stuff

895
00:58:49.400 --> 00:58:50.360
and it didn't make sense.

896
00:58:50.360 --> 00:58:52.240
The only thing I could think of

897
00:58:52.240 --> 00:58:53.480
is because we weren't vaccinated,

898
00:58:53.480 --> 00:58:56.560
but still, like at that point,

899
00:58:56.560 --> 00:58:58.840
I mean, so many people had gotten Omicron

900
00:58:58.840 --> 00:59:02.280
and I mean, it wasn't still that people saw

901
00:59:02.280 --> 00:59:04.760
the vaccine was just like not working.

902
00:59:04.760 --> 00:59:05.760
That took a little while.

903
00:59:05.760 --> 00:59:08.640
I don't even know what they think about that now.

904
00:59:08.640 --> 00:59:11.480
But I also wondered like, why?

905
00:59:11.480 --> 00:59:14.000
Like, what's wrong with us that they wouldn't invite us?

906
00:59:14.000 --> 00:59:15.320
Why wouldn't they want to include us?

907
00:59:15.320 --> 00:59:16.720
We include them all the time.

908
00:59:16.720 --> 00:59:17.960
All summer we have them over

909
00:59:17.960 --> 00:59:20.000
and it's never been an issue

910
00:59:20.000 --> 00:59:23.600
that they've never offered to bring their hose over

911
00:59:23.600 --> 00:59:24.840
and fill up our pool.

912
00:59:24.840 --> 00:59:26.680
They've never offered to,

913
00:59:26.680 --> 00:59:28.560
they've hardly offered like a,

914
00:59:28.560 --> 00:59:30.920
thanks for having us over all summer, here's a gift.

915
00:59:30.920 --> 00:59:32.160
Like nothing pretty much,

916
00:59:32.160 --> 00:59:35.480
except one summer they got us like a bottle of wine, right?

917
00:59:35.480 --> 00:59:37.040
And we don't care about that.

918
00:59:37.040 --> 00:59:38.440
Like, that's not a big deal to me.

919
00:59:38.440 --> 00:59:40.800
But what really hit me was when

920
00:59:40.800 --> 00:59:42.640
they had the other neighbors over

921
00:59:42.640 --> 00:59:43.600
and we weren't invited.

922
00:59:43.600 --> 00:59:46.600
And I thought, I don't care if you give me anything

923
00:59:46.600 --> 00:59:50.440
or say thank you, but that stung really hard.

924
00:59:50.440 --> 00:59:51.880
That was bad for me.

925
00:59:53.280 --> 00:59:54.120
I worked through it.

926
00:59:54.120 --> 00:59:55.000
I was devastated.

927
00:59:55.000 --> 00:59:55.840
It was very traumatic.

928
00:59:55.840 --> 00:59:57.040
It doesn't sound like it would be,

929
00:59:57.040 --> 01:00:00.040
but for me with my past around feeling like.

930
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.640
don't belong. It was brutal. I still haven't spoken to them. I

931
01:00:05.640 --> 01:00:10.840
know that God- Wow, really? They haven't reached out at all?

932
01:00:11.160 --> 01:00:14.560
They haven't reached. Well, our kids have played together. But I

933
01:00:14.560 --> 01:00:18.560
have not, they haven't been over here. Our pool is about to get

934
01:00:18.560 --> 01:00:21.600
open in a week. And I've been praying about this for months.

935
01:00:21.600 --> 01:00:23.880
And I'm like, God, what do you want me to do with this? Because

936
01:00:23.880 --> 01:00:28.040
I am so hurt that even talking about it, I could cry. And I'm

937
01:00:28.320 --> 01:00:31.760
afraid that they're going to come over and I don't want to

938
01:00:31.760 --> 01:00:34.840
be open and vulnerable with them about how I'm feeling because

939
01:00:34.840 --> 01:00:38.560
I'm so hurt by it that I just don't even think they care.

940
01:00:38.560 --> 01:00:43.280
Right. And so they are about we're about to open our pool up.

941
01:00:43.840 --> 01:00:45.400
And guess what's going to happen? They're going to want to

942
01:00:45.400 --> 01:00:49.480
come over and play and, and I want to be welcoming. I want to

943
01:00:49.480 --> 01:00:56.600
love my neighbor, literally. And I also am so hurt. And I don't

944
01:00:56.600 --> 01:00:58.600
know how to process it. And I've been working on this for

945
01:00:58.600 --> 01:01:01.560
months, because I know it's coming. I'm like, okay, I can

946
01:01:01.560 --> 01:01:05.480
push it down for a while. But it's going to happen where I'm

947
01:01:05.480 --> 01:01:08.160
going to see them soon. And they're going to want to come

948
01:01:08.160 --> 01:01:13.640
over and swim. And I don't know how to process it and love my

949
01:01:13.640 --> 01:01:18.280
neighbor and just be okay with it all. Because I'm, I'm just

950
01:01:18.280 --> 01:01:20.720
like, obviously still hurt by it so much.

951
01:01:21.240 --> 01:01:25.680
Mm hmm. Yeah. So, um, so what is your your question?

952
01:01:26.880 --> 01:01:35.480
What I have no idea how to actually be Christ centered, and

953
01:01:35.520 --> 01:01:37.800
loving toward them when I'm so hurt.

954
01:01:39.640 --> 01:01:47.040
Oh, well, um, the, you know, Christ centered and well, not

955
01:01:47.040 --> 01:01:51.240
Christ centered. Like if you're talking about action, the the

956
01:01:51.240 --> 01:01:56.000
action just comes from, you know, from the I don't know,

957
01:01:56.000 --> 01:01:59.640
from shifting in the how to over the my goodness.

958
01:02:03.200 --> 01:02:08.200
It's not so how we determine our actions that just comes from

959
01:02:08.200 --> 01:02:10.520
our faith, meaning and I don't mean faith is in we're

960
01:02:10.520 --> 01:02:14.360
Christian. I mean, faith is in what it is that we're that, that

961
01:02:14.680 --> 01:02:18.280
God says our relationship with him, what he says about us,

962
01:02:18.280 --> 01:02:22.280
what he and then from that, okay, like, okay, let me let me

963
01:02:22.320 --> 01:02:24.240
let me rephrase, let me let me kind of this through a

964
01:02:24.240 --> 01:02:26.160
different way. There's different ways I come at it. So I keep

965
01:02:26.160 --> 01:02:28.240
trying to think what is the fastest, simplest way to

966
01:02:28.240 --> 01:02:29.880
explain it? And

967
01:02:32.000 --> 01:02:39.160
think of it this way, in, in, it's important to choose. So

968
01:02:39.160 --> 01:02:43.400
what's coming up is you probably have Yes, you have pain, but

969
01:02:43.400 --> 01:02:47.880
there's probably confusion and a sense of chaos. So it's like

970
01:02:47.920 --> 01:02:54.360
in your is it does it feel like in your soul? And maybe even

971
01:02:54.360 --> 01:02:56.800
your mind or maybe even your body and how it gets stressed

972
01:02:56.800 --> 01:03:01.360
and anxious that there's that there is turmoil, that there is

973
01:03:01.360 --> 01:03:04.520
confusion and that there's chaos? Is that what it feels

974
01:03:04.520 --> 01:03:11.080
like? Yeah. So think of it like noise. Noise is what happens

975
01:03:11.080 --> 01:03:14.000
when we're in unrest, you know, that confusion, that chaos and

976
01:03:14.000 --> 01:03:17.480
whatever. So what we're trying and that means that in all of

977
01:03:17.480 --> 01:03:22.840
that noise, we can't hear him. We can't get clarity. And that

978
01:03:22.840 --> 01:03:27.200
that, that puts us in fear. Because we're there's one thing

979
01:03:27.200 --> 01:03:29.440
of like, Oh, my goodness, how do I protect myself? And there's,

980
01:03:29.680 --> 01:03:31.840
you know, and I'm I were this could happen and did it up. But

981
01:03:31.840 --> 01:03:36.200
then we go to war like, Oh, what do I do? You know, how do I be

982
01:03:36.200 --> 01:03:39.520
Christ like how do I whatever what's required of me, but what

983
01:03:39.520 --> 01:03:44.280
we don't realize is that we're holding on to this idea that

984
01:03:44.280 --> 01:03:47.840
we're like, say, for instance, holding on to the fear, right

985
01:03:47.880 --> 01:03:50.880
right here. And then we're holding on to fear and whatever

986
01:03:50.920 --> 01:03:53.760
will then if we're holding on to all of this, we can't grab a

987
01:03:53.760 --> 01:03:56.880
hold of we can't grab a hold of the truth, we can only hold one

988
01:03:56.880 --> 01:04:03.040
thing at a time. And so the Lord wants us to, to actually so as

989
01:04:03.040 --> 01:04:06.000
opposed to us thinking, Okay, well, I've got all this fear,

990
01:04:06.160 --> 01:04:09.040
you know, I'm questioning all of this, I'm wondering what I

991
01:04:09.040 --> 01:04:12.520
should do. God, why aren't you telling me what to do? He said,

992
01:04:12.760 --> 01:04:19.200
if you let this thing go first, I'll tell you what to do. So

993
01:04:19.200 --> 01:04:23.080
this is actually keeping us from hearing God. So it's not that

994
01:04:23.080 --> 01:04:26.960
God doesn't that God stopped talking to us. It's that he's

995
01:04:27.000 --> 01:04:31.440
talking to us, but we can't hear him in the noise. We can't hear

996
01:04:31.440 --> 01:04:34.960
him in our state of unrest, we actually have to come to a place

997
01:04:35.680 --> 01:04:41.560
by letting the thing go. And then we're in shifting address,

998
01:04:41.600 --> 01:04:44.520
then everything becomes clear. It's like the wind in the waves

999
01:04:44.520 --> 01:04:49.280
finally dying down and, and, and stopping, and that in that storm

1000
01:04:49.280 --> 01:04:53.960
finally stopping, and the boat stopping rocking. It's weird. So

1001
01:04:53.960 --> 01:04:56.920
he's got all of this noise. So you actually have to give the

1002
01:04:56.920 --> 01:04:59.920
thing up first, in order

1003
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.000
for God to come in and you to have that clarity from him

1004
01:05:06.520 --> 01:05:09.440
in relationship and then what to do.

1005
01:05:09.440 --> 01:05:11.360
And what we wanna do is we want,

1006
01:05:11.360 --> 01:05:13.040
okay, God, I'm in this situation.

1007
01:05:13.040 --> 01:05:16.320
I want you to save me from this situation.

1008
01:05:16.320 --> 01:05:19.000
I want you to fix this situation.

1009
01:05:19.920 --> 01:05:23.720
And God's like, no, I require you to give it up first

1010
01:05:23.720 --> 01:05:25.760
because it's not a threat to you.

1011
01:05:25.760 --> 01:05:28.360
Choose that it's not a threat.

1012
01:05:28.360 --> 01:05:30.320
And then I'll show you what to do.

1013
01:05:30.320 --> 01:05:33.000
Now that you're no longer threatened by it,

1014
01:05:33.000 --> 01:05:37.920
now that you have, now that you're choosing that,

1015
01:05:37.920 --> 01:05:42.280
now that you're choosing me over self-preservation,

1016
01:05:42.280 --> 01:05:46.040
now I'll show you, okay, as a son of God,

1017
01:05:46.040 --> 01:05:47.800
this is how you be Christ-like.

1018
01:05:47.800 --> 01:05:50.560
We can't be Christ-like in that.

1019
01:05:50.560 --> 01:05:52.000
Let me rephrase.

1020
01:05:52.000 --> 01:05:56.840
We can do things in this world

1021
01:05:56.840 --> 01:05:58.520
that kind of look like Christ,

1022
01:05:58.520 --> 01:06:00.760
that look like the things that he'd do,

1023
01:06:00.760 --> 01:06:05.400
but we can't be Christ unless we're in rest.

1024
01:06:06.560 --> 01:06:09.440
We can't actually be Christ in this situation.

1025
01:06:09.440 --> 01:06:14.080
We can do stuff that looks like something he might do,

1026
01:06:14.080 --> 01:06:16.160
but it won't have spirit in it.

1027
01:06:16.160 --> 01:06:18.920
All the non-Christians can do the same thing.

1028
01:06:18.920 --> 01:06:21.680
They can be really nice and be really sweet

1029
01:06:21.680 --> 01:06:23.320
and do loving things to one another,

1030
01:06:23.320 --> 01:06:26.000
but if it doesn't have spirit in it,

1031
01:06:26.000 --> 01:06:28.120
then it's not eternal and it's not of Christ.

1032
01:06:28.120 --> 01:06:29.960
And so what you're talking about

1033
01:06:29.960 --> 01:06:36.360
is you're talking about wanting to actually be Christ to them,

1034
01:06:36.360 --> 01:06:38.880
not doing something nice,

1035
01:06:38.880 --> 01:06:42.560
because you already know the nice things you could do.

1036
01:06:42.560 --> 01:06:44.040
But what you're wondering is,

1037
01:06:44.040 --> 01:06:45.920
how do you actually be Christ to them?

1038
01:06:45.920 --> 01:06:47.400
And in order to be Christ,

1039
01:06:47.400 --> 01:06:49.920
you actually have to be shifted into him.

1040
01:06:49.920 --> 01:06:52.440
You already are, but my point is like operating

1041
01:06:52.440 --> 01:06:54.920
from the place in which you're one with him,

1042
01:06:54.920 --> 01:06:57.040
that you're at your oneness of spirit.

1043
01:06:57.040 --> 01:07:01.160
And in order to shift into operating from that,

1044
01:07:01.160 --> 01:07:05.640
you have to stop operating from here by letting it go.

1045
01:07:05.640 --> 01:07:09.680
And so it's a sacrifice that God requires first.

1046
01:07:09.680 --> 01:07:12.240
That's the cause of this, requires us to let it go,

1047
01:07:12.240 --> 01:07:16.200
then we'll shift into that operating from the oneness

1048
01:07:16.200 --> 01:07:18.920
where we have clarity, where we have direction.

1049
01:07:18.920 --> 01:07:21.040
And when we operate from that place of rest,

1050
01:07:21.040 --> 01:07:24.960
clarity in the heart of God, we will be Christ.

1051
01:07:24.960 --> 01:07:32.600
We will be operating in spirit, which is eternal,

1052
01:07:32.600 --> 01:07:37.880
which will touch your relationships with them.

1053
01:07:37.880 --> 01:07:40.000
That is what can touch their souls.

1054
01:07:40.000 --> 01:07:41.800
That's what can touch their bodies

1055
01:07:41.800 --> 01:07:44.120
and touch their spirit.

1056
01:07:44.120 --> 01:07:46.360
That is bringing in the kingdom.

1057
01:07:46.360 --> 01:07:48.880
You can't bring in the kingdom if you're in fear,

1058
01:07:48.880 --> 01:07:50.920
because this isn't the kingdom.

1059
01:07:50.920 --> 01:07:52.400
This is the kingdom of this world.

1060
01:07:52.400 --> 01:07:53.440
It's not the kingdom.

1061
01:07:53.440 --> 01:07:54.760
So you have to let go of that one,

1062
01:07:54.760 --> 01:07:57.760
shift into this one in order to be able to bring it at all.

1063
01:07:57.760 --> 01:07:59.560
Otherwise over here, it's just nice things

1064
01:07:59.560 --> 01:08:01.800
that you're doing, you know,

1065
01:08:01.800 --> 01:08:04.280
and non-believers can do those things too.

1066
01:08:04.280 --> 01:08:05.400
It doesn't make it any different.

1067
01:08:05.400 --> 01:08:07.600
So you could do the nice things, you could do the mean things.

1068
01:08:07.600 --> 01:08:09.160
I mean, it's just, you know,

1069
01:08:09.160 --> 01:08:11.080
it's always better to do the nice things than the mean things,

1070
01:08:11.080 --> 01:08:12.760
but it's still of this kingdom.

1071
01:08:12.760 --> 01:08:15.640
It's of death, it's not of life.

1072
01:08:15.640 --> 01:08:19.040
Right. Well, and that's the issue, right?

1073
01:08:19.040 --> 01:08:22.800
It's because I know the nice things that I can do for sure,

1074
01:08:22.800 --> 01:08:25.880
but I'm like, I want to be authentic.

1075
01:08:25.880 --> 01:08:27.560
I want to be, I'm just switching rooms

1076
01:08:27.560 --> 01:08:30.760
because Jason's going to be home in a few minutes.

1077
01:08:30.760 --> 01:08:32.080
I want to be authentic.

1078
01:08:32.080 --> 01:08:36.040
I want to be real about, you know, what's going on.

1079
01:08:36.040 --> 01:08:40.439
And, but I also, I'm scared to be vulnerable with them.

1080
01:08:40.439 --> 01:08:45.000
I'm scared to actually have them know that I'm hurt.

1081
01:08:45.000 --> 01:08:46.840
I don't want them to know that I'm hurting.

1082
01:08:46.840 --> 01:08:50.800
I don't want them to know that I'm struggling with it.

1083
01:08:50.800 --> 01:08:52.080
Yet I'm hurt.

1084
01:08:52.080 --> 01:08:55.880
So I don't know how to not be hurt by it.

1085
01:08:55.880 --> 01:08:57.840
Like, I'm not sure how to actually just get out

1086
01:08:57.840 --> 01:09:00.479
of that place of pain around it.

1087
01:09:00.479 --> 01:09:02.880
Cause it's very painful for me.

1088
01:09:02.880 --> 01:09:05.640
Yeah. So the pain, you know,

1089
01:09:05.640 --> 01:09:10.600
that pain is where flesh is warring against spirit.

1090
01:09:12.200 --> 01:09:13.920
So it's where there's a difference.

1091
01:09:13.920 --> 01:09:15.600
There's a disalignment.

1092
01:09:15.600 --> 01:09:18.240
There's a disconnect between the two.

1093
01:09:18.240 --> 01:09:21.160
And so by choosing, by having your flesh,

1094
01:09:21.160 --> 01:09:24.279
your soul choose what it is that your spirit believes

1095
01:09:24.279 --> 01:09:27.160
is true, it's going to bring it into more alignment

1096
01:09:27.160 --> 01:09:28.640
and it's going to reduce.

1097
01:09:28.640 --> 01:09:30.040
I love your pants, by the way.

1098
01:09:30.040 --> 01:09:30.880
They're so cute.

1099
01:09:33.080 --> 01:09:34.600
Thanks.

1100
01:09:34.600 --> 01:09:35.760
My pajama pants.

1101
01:09:37.760 --> 01:09:40.080
Yeah, they're really cute.

1102
01:09:40.080 --> 01:09:43.520
It's going to decrease the pain.

1103
01:09:43.520 --> 01:09:45.240
It's going to decrease the hurt.

1104
01:09:46.279 --> 01:09:51.000
But anyway, I bet the thing is also,

1105
01:09:51.000 --> 01:09:56.000
if the more that, okay.

1106
01:09:58.800 --> 01:10:00.040
In a manner of speaking.

1107
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:15.560
And if you are wanting to get through this, it's important that when you choose what it

1108
01:10:15.560 --> 01:10:23.560
is that's required for you to, what you have to choose, it's important that, that what

1109
01:10:23.560 --> 01:10:30.080
you choose is God, not, not being in pain anymore.

1110
01:10:30.080 --> 01:10:37.800
The not being in pain anymore will, can be, can be a natural eye product, but it can't

1111
01:10:37.800 --> 01:10:40.040
be the reason.

1112
01:10:40.040 --> 01:10:42.760
God always has to be the choice.

1113
01:10:42.760 --> 01:10:49.760
Your relationship with him, the free receiving in faith, the things that he told you that

1114
01:10:49.760 --> 01:10:56.960
he has given to you as gifts of love, choosing to receive his love through the form of his

1115
01:10:56.960 --> 01:11:01.680
inheritance that he's giving you, which is things like freedom, love, peace, joy, et

1116
01:11:01.680 --> 01:11:02.680
cetera.

1117
01:11:02.680 --> 01:11:06.080
But it's choosing him, not the benefits.

1118
01:11:06.080 --> 01:11:11.560
It's choosing him, not trying to just not be hurt.

1119
01:11:11.560 --> 01:11:13.840
Like God make me not hurt anymore.

1120
01:11:13.840 --> 01:11:16.280
We can pray that, sure.

1121
01:11:16.280 --> 01:11:17.440
And God can heal that.

1122
01:11:17.440 --> 01:11:19.240
There's nothing wrong with that.

1123
01:11:19.240 --> 01:11:22.680
We can do that, but that's, that's not enough.

1124
01:11:22.680 --> 01:11:24.800
That's not dealing with the root issue.

1125
01:11:24.800 --> 01:11:29.160
And it, depending on what it is that the Lord is doing in our lives at the time, it may

1126
01:11:29.160 --> 01:11:33.360
not change in order to change.

1127
01:11:33.360 --> 01:11:35.960
We have to choose him instead of it.

1128
01:11:35.960 --> 01:11:41.960
He has to become more important than our lack of pain is to us.

1129
01:11:41.960 --> 01:11:44.480
Like sometimes we can be hurting so bad.

1130
01:11:44.480 --> 01:11:47.120
We're like, I just want the pain to stop.

1131
01:11:47.120 --> 01:11:50.720
If we want that more than God, we can't shift out of it.

1132
01:11:50.720 --> 01:11:55.160
We have to want it, God, more than the pain, than the lack of pain in order to shift out

1133
01:11:55.160 --> 01:11:56.160
of the pain.

1134
01:11:56.160 --> 01:12:00.480
Well, and I think, you know, like I'm not in as much pain as I was because I was in

1135
01:12:00.480 --> 01:12:01.560
a lot of pain around it.

1136
01:12:01.560 --> 01:12:02.560
I've worked through it.

1137
01:12:02.560 --> 01:12:09.560
I also worked through my whole belief that I needed them and their friendships so that

1138
01:12:09.560 --> 01:12:12.160
my daughter would have friends to play with.

1139
01:12:12.160 --> 01:12:13.160
Yeah.

1140
01:12:13.160 --> 01:12:14.160
I remember.

1141
01:12:14.160 --> 01:12:15.160
Yeah.

1142
01:12:15.160 --> 01:12:16.160
Like I've worked through a lot of that stuff.

1143
01:12:16.200 --> 01:12:23.840
And I think now what's left over is this wound from child, like I felt like a little kid

1144
01:12:23.840 --> 01:12:24.840
that night crying.

1145
01:12:24.840 --> 01:12:28.160
It was so interesting that it was New Year's Eve too, because I'm like, okay, God, this

1146
01:12:28.160 --> 01:12:30.920
is interesting timing because tomorrow's a brand new year.

1147
01:12:30.920 --> 01:12:34.840
So how are you going to renew my mind this year?

1148
01:12:34.840 --> 01:12:45.880
But I recognized my issues around depending on them too much for that play date stuff.

1149
01:12:45.880 --> 01:12:50.120
I didn't need anything from them after I'd worked through that.

1150
01:12:50.120 --> 01:12:56.000
But what I did notice is that it's my core wound of I'm ostracized.

1151
01:12:56.000 --> 01:12:57.320
I don't belong.

1152
01:12:57.320 --> 01:12:58.600
Something's wrong with me.

1153
01:12:58.600 --> 01:13:02.000
People don't want to include me or be around me.

1154
01:13:02.000 --> 01:13:10.520
You know, it's that deeper wound that I'm, because it's so deep and I haven't healed

1155
01:13:10.520 --> 01:13:11.520
it yet.

1156
01:13:11.520 --> 01:13:17.880
I want to actually heal it before I see them again so that I can show up in that relationship

1157
01:13:17.880 --> 01:13:24.600
from a place of wholeness instead of this fragmented part of me that is like crying

1158
01:13:24.600 --> 01:13:30.520
out like a nine-year-old who didn't have anyone to play with at recess and felt like she didn't

1159
01:13:30.520 --> 01:13:31.520
belong.

1160
01:13:31.520 --> 01:13:32.520
Right.

1161
01:13:32.520 --> 01:13:36.200
And that's kind of where I feel like I'm at with it, where it's this old core wound that

1162
01:13:36.200 --> 01:13:38.320
was painful.

1163
01:13:38.320 --> 01:13:44.840
And so it's like, I'm okay with the pain of it, but I don't want to be, because the pain's

1164
01:13:44.840 --> 01:13:50.240
not as bad, but the pain will be ignited and triggered when I'm around them because it'll

1165
01:13:50.240 --> 01:13:59.800
remind me of my experience and what they did that triggered me, even though it's my wound.

1166
01:13:59.800 --> 01:14:00.880
So I know I can heal it.

1167
01:14:00.880 --> 01:14:07.520
I know I can show up with them and be Christ-like and be centered on him and be in my identity,

1168
01:14:07.520 --> 01:14:11.960
but I don't know how to deal with that deep wound from when I was young that keeps popping

1169
01:14:11.960 --> 01:14:14.520
up and getting triggered by this.

1170
01:14:14.520 --> 01:14:22.800
Well, to do it, there's different ways that you can do it.

1171
01:14:22.800 --> 01:14:31.840
And sometimes I do ask the Lord, especially in times where I just feel that my soul needs

1172
01:14:31.840 --> 01:14:40.520
that, I just ask him for help and ask him to heal me, ask him to help me to heal those

1173
01:14:40.520 --> 01:14:42.200
wounds, et cetera.

1174
01:14:42.200 --> 01:14:49.440
If we shift into rest, the inner wounds start to naturally heal.

1175
01:14:49.440 --> 01:14:50.720
We don't have to address them.

1176
01:14:50.720 --> 01:14:54.440
We don't even have to know that they're there in order for them to heal.

1177
01:14:54.440 --> 01:14:57.240
The thing is, why...

1178
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.880
Sometimes some of our inner wounds really,

1179
01:15:05.120 --> 01:15:09.520
it really is helpful to just address them head on

1180
01:15:09.520 --> 01:15:11.940
and to deal with them, you know, head on.

1181
01:15:11.940 --> 01:15:15.440
I'm trying to think of an example

1182
01:15:15.440 --> 01:15:17.400
of what it is that I've done myself.

1183
01:15:23.560 --> 01:15:24.400
Let's see.

1184
01:15:24.400 --> 01:15:26.880
Like I've had people, other people pray for me

1185
01:15:26.880 --> 01:15:28.600
when I've gone through stuff that I felt like

1186
01:15:28.640 --> 01:15:31.300
I was just struggling so much in my faith.

1187
01:15:32.960 --> 01:15:34.640
I've had other people pray for me.

1188
01:15:36.360 --> 01:15:40.240
I've used tools, you know, that God has created,

1189
01:15:40.240 --> 01:15:42.940
whether it be like, I don't know, a counselor

1190
01:15:42.940 --> 01:15:47.940
or I don't know, techniques, stuff like that.

1191
01:15:49.520 --> 01:15:52.200
But it's important to always choose that,

1192
01:15:53.200 --> 01:15:54.780
to always choose God as our source

1193
01:15:54.780 --> 01:15:56.640
and that it's not the thing that,

1194
01:15:56.640 --> 01:15:58.320
and not give power to the thing.

1195
01:15:58.320 --> 01:16:01.080
But just to allow the thing to be part of the process.

1196
01:16:03.200 --> 01:16:06.000
But so anyway, so I don't want to villainize

1197
01:16:06.000 --> 01:16:11.000
the tools or psychological techniques

1198
01:16:11.120 --> 01:16:13.360
that people can give us of like, I don't know,

1199
01:16:13.360 --> 01:16:16.720
like writing down, writing down things

1200
01:16:16.720 --> 01:16:19.840
that someone that we have ought against other people

1201
01:16:19.840 --> 01:16:22.360
and then on a piece of toilet tissue

1202
01:16:22.360 --> 01:16:23.200
and then putting in the,

1203
01:16:23.200 --> 01:16:25.060
and then saying that we forgive them

1204
01:16:25.060 --> 01:16:26.360
and telling the Lord we forgive them

1205
01:16:26.360 --> 01:16:27.560
and then forgiving the other person

1206
01:16:27.600 --> 01:16:29.120
and then putting it in and flushing the toilet,

1207
01:16:29.120 --> 01:16:30.080
oh my word, it goes away,

1208
01:16:30.080 --> 01:16:32.560
or we burn it in the fire or whatever.

1209
01:16:32.560 --> 01:16:34.200
Those things can be helpful,

1210
01:16:34.200 --> 01:16:36.880
but all that they're doing is they're triggering us

1211
01:16:36.880 --> 01:16:40.340
to make a particular willful intent decision.

1212
01:16:41.360 --> 01:16:43.280
So I've used those techniques,

1213
01:16:44.400 --> 01:16:48.560
but I'm saying that,

1214
01:16:48.560 --> 01:16:51.680
so I'm saying that those are options and alternatives,

1215
01:16:51.680 --> 01:16:53.840
but there's also the aspect of like,

1216
01:16:54.160 --> 01:16:59.160
when we really do shift into knowing our identity in Him

1217
01:16:59.160 --> 01:17:01.280
and choosing that just continually,

1218
01:17:01.280 --> 01:17:03.240
whenever those things come up,

1219
01:17:03.240 --> 01:17:04.080
like, oh my goodness,

1220
01:17:04.080 --> 01:17:07.320
I just saw him outside of work in the flower garden

1221
01:17:07.320 --> 01:17:08.200
and it was like, oh goodness,

1222
01:17:08.200 --> 01:17:10.080
it comes up again or whatever.

1223
01:17:10.080 --> 01:17:12.760
We just intentionally choose the Lord.

1224
01:17:12.760 --> 01:17:14.520
We intentionally choose that whatever,

1225
01:17:14.520 --> 01:17:16.440
what he has said about me really is true.

1226
01:17:16.440 --> 01:17:19.880
This is who I am because he has declared it to be so.

1227
01:17:19.880 --> 01:17:22.520
And that, and then it actually naturally

1228
01:17:22.520 --> 01:17:26.280
because of how we're made, it becomes enough for us.

1229
01:17:26.280 --> 01:17:28.800
But, and you might have to just continue to choose it,

1230
01:17:28.800 --> 01:17:30.200
you know, as different things come up

1231
01:17:30.200 --> 01:17:32.840
and you will eventually realize one day

1232
01:17:32.840 --> 01:17:34.000
that you don't have to be,

1233
01:17:34.000 --> 01:17:35.240
that you'll stop being triggered

1234
01:17:35.240 --> 01:17:38.840
and you don't even have to remind yourself of it anymore

1235
01:17:38.840 --> 01:17:41.600
because you shifted so much.

1236
01:17:41.600 --> 01:17:42.760
So there is that,

1237
01:17:42.760 --> 01:17:47.480
but I did want to mention that if your faith struggles

1238
01:17:47.480 --> 01:17:51.560
to such a point as mine does sometimes

1239
01:17:51.560 --> 01:17:52.960
in certain areas,

1240
01:17:52.960 --> 01:17:56.920
then you do that as much as you're able

1241
01:17:56.920 --> 01:17:58.760
and the rest of it, do what,

1242
01:17:58.760 --> 01:18:03.760
I think it's number five on the practical shifting tools.

1243
01:18:03.760 --> 01:18:07.080
It is declare and go where your soul finds peace.

1244
01:18:07.080 --> 01:18:10.440
You declare that what God says is true really is true

1245
01:18:10.440 --> 01:18:14.640
and you do what your soul needs in order to get relief.

1246
01:18:16.200 --> 01:18:18.600
If you can't handle something,

1247
01:18:19.400 --> 01:18:22.200
then, you know, unless God just tells you,

1248
01:18:22.200 --> 01:18:24.960
you know, always try to listen to Lord

1249
01:18:24.960 --> 01:18:26.080
and hear what he says,

1250
01:18:26.080 --> 01:18:28.240
shift into as much rest as possible

1251
01:18:28.240 --> 01:18:30.360
in order to get that clarity,

1252
01:18:30.360 --> 01:18:32.760
ask the Lord for guidance and wisdom and all that.

1253
01:18:32.760 --> 01:18:35.640
And then just go where it is that it looks like

1254
01:18:35.640 --> 01:18:40.640
is the healthiest option for you at that time.

1255
01:18:40.680 --> 01:18:42.520
And it could just be being away

1256
01:18:42.520 --> 01:18:45.160
from a relationship for a while.

1257
01:18:45.160 --> 01:18:48.600
It could be not inviting them over to the pool.

1258
01:18:48.600 --> 01:18:51.840
It could be having them over at the pool

1259
01:18:51.840 --> 01:18:54.120
and, or they all decide to come over

1260
01:18:54.120 --> 01:18:56.200
and you see that and you just look outside,

1261
01:18:56.200 --> 01:18:58.520
just, hey guys, it's good to see y'all.

1262
01:18:58.520 --> 01:18:59.960
Sorry, I can't come out today,

1263
01:18:59.960 --> 01:19:01.400
but y'all have fun or whatever.

1264
01:19:01.400 --> 01:19:03.440
And you don't have to be with them.

1265
01:19:03.440 --> 01:19:06.880
You know, if that is what you need in that moment,

1266
01:19:06.880 --> 01:19:08.040
or if you feel in that moment,

1267
01:19:08.040 --> 01:19:10.040
no, I could go out and hang with them, you know,

1268
01:19:10.040 --> 01:19:12.000
whatever, but then you can do that.

1269
01:19:12.000 --> 01:19:14.200
So whatever it is that your soul needs,

1270
01:19:15.200 --> 01:19:16.680
and in the meantime, you know,

1271
01:19:16.680 --> 01:19:18.480
give yourself that time process

1272
01:19:18.480 --> 01:19:20.240
to like heal through this with the Lord

1273
01:19:20.240 --> 01:19:23.600
and choose your identity, et cetera.

1274
01:19:23.600 --> 01:19:25.000
And then in the meantime,

1275
01:19:25.000 --> 01:19:27.400
if you need to use different techniques, like I said,

1276
01:19:27.400 --> 01:19:29.240
not just the whole not spending time with them,

1277
01:19:29.240 --> 01:19:33.360
but like other things, you can use those things as well.

1278
01:19:33.360 --> 01:19:35.560
There's all of the letting go,

1279
01:19:35.560 --> 01:19:38.320
all of the practical shifting tools that I talk about,

1280
01:19:38.320 --> 01:19:41.920
all of that, but especially the no judgment one,

1281
01:19:41.920 --> 01:19:43.880
that's forgiveness is all it is.

1282
01:19:43.880 --> 01:19:44.720
That's forgiveness.

1283
01:19:44.720 --> 01:19:47.680
That's a, it's a one word to use for what that thing is,

1284
01:19:47.680 --> 01:19:50.000
is it's declaring that the same,

1285
01:19:50.000 --> 01:19:52.560
it shouldn't be, and it should be something else.

1286
01:19:52.560 --> 01:19:56.320
It's declaring that, nope, this is just the way that it is.

1287
01:19:56.320 --> 01:19:58.600
We're not giving up and we're not giving in.

1288
01:19:58.600 --> 01:20:00.160
We're not accepting it.

1289
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.560
And we're like, okay, fine.

1290
01:20:01.560 --> 01:20:03.120
I'm going to allow it to exist.

1291
01:20:03.600 --> 01:20:07.600
We're just acknowledging that it is that we're acknowledging that that is

1292
01:20:07.600 --> 01:20:09.440
currently the situation that's reality.

1293
01:20:10.160 --> 01:20:12.800
And we're, we're just allowing it.

1294
01:20:13.880 --> 01:20:16.240
We're allowing we're internally, we're allowing it.

1295
01:20:16.880 --> 01:20:23.720
And we're stopping, uh, pushing back on it.

1296
01:20:24.600 --> 01:20:26.680
It's saying, no, you shouldn't be reality.

1297
01:20:27.160 --> 01:20:29.200
No, it is accepted.

1298
01:20:29.200 --> 01:20:29.800
It's reality.

1299
01:20:30.880 --> 01:20:32.560
Um, we're not perceiving it.

1300
01:20:32.600 --> 01:20:33.480
We're not agreeing with it.

1301
01:20:33.480 --> 01:20:35.320
We're not saying that it has permission to stay.

1302
01:20:36.200 --> 01:20:37.160
We're just acknowledging it.

1303
01:20:37.160 --> 01:20:42.520
So we're moving ourselves to neutral ground and then we can start shifting

1304
01:20:42.520 --> 01:20:46.600
into our, and then we can be in our, uh, uh, our default state

1305
01:20:46.600 --> 01:20:47.720
because we stopped the resistance.

1306
01:20:49.480 --> 01:20:50.160
Is that helpful?

1307
01:20:51.600 --> 01:20:52.080
Yeah.

1308
01:20:52.240 --> 01:20:52.560
Yeah.

1309
01:20:52.560 --> 01:20:57.720
So just, yeah, like kind of, and I think to a certain degree I've said like this

1310
01:20:57.720 --> 01:21:04.680
is it, and I'm, I can have peace in this place and I can believe, cause I know

1311
01:21:04.720 --> 01:21:07.520
deep down that God will bring good out of everything.

1312
01:21:07.560 --> 01:21:11.840
And I think it's like this insecurity in me, right?

1313
01:21:11.840 --> 01:21:17.640
That I'm, I'm, I feel like I'm getting down to the last, not the last, but

1314
01:21:17.640 --> 01:21:21.120
cause there's always going to be new opportunities, but I'm getting down to

1315
01:21:21.120 --> 01:21:26.560
the deepest layers of my trauma and, and really finding freedom in that.

1316
01:21:27.520 --> 01:21:29.040
And there are just a couple things.

1317
01:21:29.040 --> 01:21:33.640
And one of the things that's come up a lot is this idea around belonging and being

1318
01:21:33.640 --> 01:21:35.600
torn apart if I don't feel like I belong.

1319
01:21:36.320 --> 01:21:38.320
And I know it's a deep wound.

1320
01:21:38.360 --> 01:21:47.240
And so I think, yeah, like just, I also in a sense have given them power over me to

1321
01:21:47.960 --> 01:21:51.080
make me feel a certain way, because if I see them, I get triggered.

1322
01:21:51.160 --> 01:21:57.960
And if I just knew who I was in Christ and just stood on that there, there's so

1323
01:21:57.960 --> 01:21:58.880
much freedom in that.

1324
01:21:58.880 --> 01:22:03.080
And yet it's like, it vacillates between I know who I am and I'm good.

1325
01:22:03.080 --> 01:22:07.320
And then, oh my gosh, like I feel really wounded and hurt right now.

1326
01:22:07.960 --> 01:22:08.480
Yeah.

1327
01:22:08.480 --> 01:22:12.440
Well, it's going around the mountain, but just think of it like you are going around

1328
01:22:12.440 --> 01:22:18.400
the mountain again, but you're going up as opposed to just going around.

1329
01:22:19.240 --> 01:22:20.240
You're, you're going up.

1330
01:22:20.240 --> 01:22:23.280
So it is going around the mountain, but it's that you're going to it.

1331
01:22:23.400 --> 01:22:30.120
You're, you're going into deeper levels of rest and of this into deeper levels of

1332
01:22:30.120 --> 01:22:33.320
rest by getting into deeper levels of this wound.

1333
01:22:33.680 --> 01:22:39.240
So, you know, it is moving up, but it can feel like, oh my goodness, I'm revisiting

1334
01:22:39.240 --> 01:22:43.600
it. And you're not, you're just revisiting it at a deeper, at a deeper level, going,

1335
01:22:44.160 --> 01:22:46.520
going higher and more in deeper interest.

1336
01:22:47.040 --> 01:22:48.040
Yeah.

1337
01:22:48.040 --> 01:22:49.040
Yeah.

1338
01:22:49.040 --> 01:22:49.320
Yeah.

1339
01:22:49.320 --> 01:22:53.080
It's like, it's like all this heat that I'm rising up on the thermals.

1340
01:22:53.480 --> 01:22:56.560
It's like the heat of what's going on inside.

1341
01:22:56.560 --> 01:22:56.880
Right.

1342
01:22:56.880 --> 01:23:00.000
I mean, like that's one of the things is really the belonging.

1343
01:23:00.000 --> 01:23:07.760
And so, so the crux of it is just to shift into who I am and him and know that he's

1344
01:23:07.760 --> 01:23:12.320
going to give me the wisdom that I need in the moment to be able to know what to do.

1345
01:23:12.320 --> 01:23:14.320
So there's no chaos and confusion.

1346
01:23:15.040 --> 01:23:23.080
And that, I mean, I think, you know, I'm kind of going back to that love others as

1347
01:23:23.080 --> 01:23:29.400
yourself. And if I'm standing in that love place with myself and I'm in rest and I'm

1348
01:23:29.400 --> 01:23:33.280
really in that deep rest, then I can literally love my neighbor more.

1349
01:23:33.280 --> 01:23:38.800
That's who you are, because you're, because you're loving them from who you are, as

1350
01:23:38.800 --> 01:23:40.480
opposed to something you're trying to do.

1351
01:23:40.720 --> 01:23:44.600
The old man has to do something because it's not natural for him, but the old man

1352
01:23:44.600 --> 01:23:47.400
says that you don't have to operate from him and you literally can't.

1353
01:23:48.360 --> 01:23:53.760
So, you know, operating from the new man, it's very effortless to love them.

1354
01:23:54.560 --> 01:24:00.880
So, well, I have to go, but I want to make sure that you are that I finished answering

1355
01:24:00.880 --> 01:24:03.040
your question. Are you good?

1356
01:24:04.680 --> 01:24:05.600
Yeah, I think so.

1357
01:24:05.600 --> 01:24:12.280
I would love I'd love to go back over what you shared and and just, you know, if I

1358
01:24:12.280 --> 01:24:17.200
don't know if you have the Zoom recording that I could download, I don't know if

1359
01:24:17.200 --> 01:24:18.080
that's something that you.

1360
01:24:18.520 --> 01:24:20.280
Both of them or one of them or what?

1361
01:24:21.560 --> 01:24:27.680
Um, you know what, if you are able to send me both, I would love to go over both of

1362
01:24:27.680 --> 01:24:33.080
them again and just solidify more of what you you said, if you're cool with that.

1363
01:24:33.520 --> 01:24:35.320
Sure. Yeah, I'll send those to you.

1364
01:24:35.320 --> 01:24:37.480
I have to wait for them to process and download, though.

1365
01:24:38.400 --> 01:24:40.720
I don't know if I'll get it to today.

1366
01:24:40.720 --> 01:24:43.720
It'll be hopefully it'll be out by at least tomorrow.

1367
01:24:43.760 --> 01:24:46.920
So. Yeah, no, that's perfect.

1368
01:24:46.920 --> 01:24:48.280
That's perfect. Cool.

1369
01:24:48.320 --> 01:24:49.320
OK, that's good.

1370
01:24:49.320 --> 01:24:54.720
I'll process through all that and I'll probably well, touch base with you again

1371
01:24:54.800 --> 01:24:56.560
soon about a few things.

1372
01:24:56.560 --> 01:24:59.960
But I might I might do another call with you, too, just to kind of.

1373
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.440
touch base about after I listened to the recordings, if

1374
01:25:02.440 --> 01:25:03.640
anything else comes up.

1375
01:25:04.640 --> 01:25:06.880
Okay. All right. Sounds good.

1376
01:25:07.960 --> 01:25:10.920
Well, it's good to thank you, Lana. You're welcome.

1377
01:25:11.280 --> 01:25:14.280
You too. Thank you. Thank you. It gives me lots to process and

1378
01:25:14.280 --> 01:25:17.240
think about and stand on the truth of really.

1379
01:25:17.400 --> 01:25:18.440
Yeah, yeah.

1380
01:25:19.280 --> 01:25:23.040
Yeah. Well, thank you. I'm so happy for you and enjoy the rest

1381
01:25:23.040 --> 01:25:23.760
of your day.

1382
01:25:26.000 --> 01:25:29.040
planning and everything and I will talk to you soon.

1383
01:25:29.520 --> 01:25:31.760
All right. Sounds good. Bye, Lana.

1384
01:25:32.160 --> 01:25:33.200
Okay, bye.