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Hey, Kaelin, good to see you.

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Okay, awesome.

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Then Michelle, I am going to have you mute just in case there's any background.

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All right. Yeah, like I said,

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hopefully some more ladies jump on.

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I'm not sure how many people showed up last week for this one o'clock time slot.

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But we usually have a little bit more than we have right now.

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Anyway, we'll get started regardless.

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I'm just going to cover a couple of housekeeping.

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Those of you that are watching in replay that may not know me,

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I am Karla Johnson.

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I am a coach here at Last Year Single.

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I am a success story.

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Been through the program myself after a couple of years of the highs,

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the lows, all the in-between that this program will take you on,

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that God will take you on,

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and all the healing that God will work in you.

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Then I did that as well.

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Then my spirit mate did arrive on God's time, not mine.

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Yeah, that's just a little bit about me.

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Is there anybody new?

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I know we established Michelle,

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this is her second week.

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Anybody else new?

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I know Lisa's here and Caitlin,

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I've seen you in the app a little bit too,

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so I know you are not brand new.

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But those of you that are watching in replay and are new,

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we want to welcome you.

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We want to encourage you to show up.

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I know that a lot of women that show up to these live get so much breakthrough.

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I know when I was in the program,

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it was really helpful to come to the live sessions,

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to put my camera on,

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to engage with the women that were on the call,

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as well as Jackie and the other coaches.

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It's super, super helpful.

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If you can make it live,

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you will get the most from those live sessions.

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But obviously, we put them in replay because we know life gets busy.

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Replays are fine too,

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but we definitely encourage you to at least make one to two live sessions

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before you skip over to the last year single all community,

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which is like you go through the heart work and you're in that for a little bit,

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and then you jump over here to Love Story,

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Accelerator, Stage, Phase, whatever you want to call it.

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Then once you've completed all those five videos,

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come to some live sessions,

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engage in our community,

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have been here at least four to five weeks.

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Then we encourage you ladies to go over to the bigger part of the community,

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which is the all community,

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so where there's other great teachings as well.

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We have this smaller community just to get you ladies jump

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started with dating and engaging and letting us know and getting vulnerable,

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because that's a big part of this walk,

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of this journey is allowing yourself to get vulnerable and share your experiences.

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When you share, you're actually helping other people get breakthrough.

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Then it helps us coaches to be able to get an idea of like,

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what are some of the challenges or things that we can pour wisdom into?

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Is there a trend in the community?

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Because that always happens.

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Y'all, I cannot tell you.

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I'll get on these calls or I'm in the app or I'm conversing with

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Ebony when she's on her afternoon calls, evening calls.

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We'll see trends of things that are happening.

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Y'all, I think that's supernatural.

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God wants to reveal something,

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and we can't do that if we're not coming here and sharing what's going on in your life,

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and you sharing and being vulnerable.

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I know for some of you,

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that is going to be intimidating.

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You might have had some wounds in community before.

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That can be scary, and I get it.

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I totally, totally get it.

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But again, I can only share my testimony,

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and Ebony will share hers,

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and all his coaches will share.

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Just having been in this program since 2020 myself,

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having coached for now almost two years in this community,

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the breakthroughs do happen.

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They really, really do when we show up,

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and it is really, really a safe community.

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Some of my bestest friends actually came from this community.

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Y'all, I'm 42 years old,

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and I joined this community at,

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I think it was 37, 36, 37.

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And some of my best friends now, I have gained from this community.

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So I want you ladies to be comfortable getting uncomfortable.

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Does that make sense?

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All right.

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So that's just a little bit for those of you that are in replay, or I know there's a couple

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more of you that jumped on if you're brand new.

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So yeah, just a couple housekeeping items.

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Just a reminder, we do have an admin email, but we can't take personal coaching questions

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through that email.

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And so now we will be offering one-on-one coaching sessions for additional cost with

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several of our amazing coaches here at Last Year Single, myself and Ebony included.

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And so when that gets launched, y'all will get emails for that.

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We do still take, I mean, even currently I take one-on-one sessions as well.

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So if you are in dire need of a one-on-one session, and like I said, it's additional

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cost, there's limited spots, then you can email for those things, but you can't ask

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the admin like personal coaching questions.

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You have to be able to come into the community and share those things.

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Or like I said, if you really feel like you just need a one-on-one 50-minute session,

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then we do offer those at additional cost.

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Now, if you have a question about like someone on the team that it's a technical question,

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maybe something with the app, like again, post it in our community and we can direct

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you.

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We can either go find the answer for you or we can direct you on who to contact to get

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your question answered.

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So don't ever hesitate to ask any and all questions in the app.

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That's what we're here for.

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We're here to help you navigate those things.

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And so, yeah, and then when you're ready to move on to the all community, that's when

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you'll also email that admin as well, that admin email, which is admin at JackieDorman.com

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if you don't already know it.

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Okay.

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All right.

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Got some more ladies on, but I'm not seeing a lot of faces.

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So ladies, please, please, please come on camera if you can.

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I've got to figure out why my chat is not showing up the way that I want it to.

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That's really weird.

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It's got like a new thing where it just shows me when people joined.

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It kind of mucks up the chat, but I'm not worried about that right now.

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All right.

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So yeah, ladies, if you can come on, please, please do.

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So tell me, how did you ladies do last week with the activation that Ebony shared?

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Like, what are some things that you, like, how did you deny your flesh?

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How did you let go of any, did you let go of any distractions last week?

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Like, what are some ways that you partnered with God and what God wants for you?

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Did anybody, did anybody want to share that experience?

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I can, if that's okay.

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Okay.

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So fasting is always what the Lord calls me to usually, because I love to eat.

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And so, yeah.

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Happy all girl.

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I know.

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I'm like, are you sure Lord?

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Are you sure you want me to fast?

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But yeah, fasting would be denying the flesh.

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And then also like, I have a tendency to get lost in Facebook sometimes, like scrolling.

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And so I still have gone up there for limited things, but I'm definitely noticing how much

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of a distraction that is.

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So those are just two things.

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I love that.

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Yeah.

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Endless Facebook scroll.

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Oh my word.

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I get, I get sucked into that really, really easy.

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My ADD can kick in and I'll be in on one thing.

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And the next thing you know, then I'm then, and now it's like, they give you Amazon ads

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for like cute clothes and stuff.

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And then I jump into Amazon and then I'm looking at outfits that I don't even need.

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No, that's me too.

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And lately it's been popping up with rings and I'm like, maybe Facebook knows something

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that I don't know, you know, like.

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Yes, girl.

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Like now that one, I will tell you, go dream, go pick out some rings, go like do a Pinterest

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board because that will activate something.

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I did that.

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Jackie actually had us do that activation early on when I joined the program and I had

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a whole like Pinterest board of all these different rings, you know?

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And then when I met my husband, he's like, Hey, send me pictures of rings that you want.

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And I was like, got it.

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But you know what?

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But the crazy thing is, is it, I didn't end up sending him any of the ones that I pinned

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because God led me to do a different style of ring.

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And it's kind of a funny story.

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It won't go into the huge detail, but I.

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add this ornament on my tree

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that I bought as an activation at Christmas time.

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And I didn't even realize it,

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but all of the rings that I was showing him

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looked identical to that ornament.

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And then that's actually the ring

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that my husband proposed to me with.

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And it didn't even dawn on me.

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But do that activation, girl.

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Allow yourself to be distracted with the rings.

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I was like, I feel like this is a prophetic sign.

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What was it?

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I feel like there's some biblical correlation to this.

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I can't think of it right now,

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but maybe it was in Nehemiah.

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I don't know, I'll have to bring it up.

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But another thing too,

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and I'll make this quick so other people can talk,

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but I was looking at the verse,

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hope deferred makes the heart sick.

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You know, and when it comes, it is your tree of life.

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And I'm like, okay, but sickness of heart

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is not of the Lord.

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That's not the Lord's will.

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His will is wholeness and health.

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And so our hope being deferred,

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I think what the Lord showed me through that this week

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was that I had misplaced my hope and faith.

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I had misplaced my hope,

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which meant that there wasn't faith in,

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I don't know how to explain what I'm trying to say, but.

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Yeah, no, you bring that up and I know,

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and oh man, I wish I could go back and reference.

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Jackie has done teachings on that scripture

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because sometimes it's completely taken out of context.

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Yeah.

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So I like that you like meditated on it

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and God revealed something different for you.

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Yeah, it was really good.

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Because I think that's powerful.

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Because there's, y'all,

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there's a lot of scripture out there

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that it can get taken out of context.

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Like we have to use,

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and it kind of goes back into just spending time

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with the Lord and asking Holy Spirit

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to reveal things to us.

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And again, like if y'all watch Supernatural Saturday

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about that gift of discernment

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and being able to really discern teachings and people

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and all of those things,

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like that gift of discernment is super powerful.

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And so I like that you,

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I really like that you bring that up.

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So that's so good.

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Anybody else want to share like what,

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what worked for you this week?

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Like what things did you let go of?

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What distractions?

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How, what were some ways that you've partnered

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with what God wants for you?

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Anybody else?

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All right.

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I can share quickly.

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Yes.

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So last week, Ebony also like took Bethany's post

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and asked us to do an activation where she asked us to like,

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how do you spend your first five minutes in the morning?

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So we made a plan and we decided like,

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how are we going to do that?

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So I said that I will speak in tongues

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first thing in the morning

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and then speak the scriptures over me

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that I am wonderfully and fearfully made

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and then give gratitude for my day.

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And I've been doing that since like SNS Bethany,

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sorry, after we made that plan.

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And then I feel like the day goes by so smooth.

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Not that I didn't feel like I was also

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on my periods last week.

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So it was just all over the place.

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I get it.

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But it was really helpful.

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Like I was able to intentionally do that.

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And I also said that I won't look at any messages

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first thing in the morning when I'm awake

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before going to the Lord.

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So that was really nice too.

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I appreciate Ebony doing that.

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And that changed the entire day

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to just start it with the Lord.

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Good, yes.

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I'm so glad you even brought that up

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because that was the next thing I was going to cover.

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So I want you ladies to continue

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to put yourself in alignment with the Holy Spirit each day

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for like the next 50 to 60 days.

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So like Lisa was sharing,

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like waking up in the morning,

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speaking scripture over herself,

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praying in tongues,

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worshiping, not checking messages first thing

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when she wakes up in the morning.

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Prophesy over your life.

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Like do those things.

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Pray in the spirit, declare scriptures.

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What are some things that you want to do

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in those first waking moments?

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How are you going to put yourself

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in alignment with Holy Spirit?

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So yeah, I guess she probably had you guys

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find some scriptures, right?

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On the call, looks like she said,

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she shared a little bit of this with me.

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That's why I'm going over it

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because I was not here last week.

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So yeah, ladies, I want you to continue to do that.

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I really love that activation.

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She was sharing just success with that.

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So we definitely feel that Holy Spirit

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really wants us to focus on that for you ladies.

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And so I want to continue to encourage you to do so.

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Cool, is everybody good with that?

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Good, good, good.

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Got 10 ladies on here.

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All right, remember if you can come on camera,

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I know a few more people popped in.

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Please do, I know some of you are at work, so I get it.

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I don't feel like I'm just constantly calling you out.

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I get it, but I just want to give those reminders.

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I'm going to go into a little bit of a teaching and we pulled it from the Supernatural Saturday.

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Raise your hand if you have not gotten to watch Supernatural Saturday yet.

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One, two, three, I think it was Michelle, both Michelles and then is that my girl Bernice?

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It's a Zoom user.

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Yes, I see you girl.

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Tina.

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Okay, so four of you ladies have not seen Supernatural Saturday.

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So y'all are going to make a note right now and you're going to watch that.

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Okay?

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Ladies, please, please, please make sure you catch the Supernatural Saturdays.

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I can't tell you just all of the Holy Spirit that's dripped on those.

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Y'all, Jackie has such an anointing.

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She prophetically, I mean, she's just, she's good at it, right?

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God has given her this gift to really speak into this community.

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Obviously, she started this community.

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I cannot tell you just how impactful listening to those Supernatural Saturdays will be for

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you.

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When I came in the program, it was much smaller, we had a smaller community, so we got a lot

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more of Jackie.

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Okay?

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Now, here we have, you know, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds is a much larger community.

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And so, you know, Jackie is, you know, working more things behind the scenes for our community

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to just bring more people in.

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So she's not, she's not as present as when we first started.

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And so I really want you ladies to capitalize on those Supernatural Saturdays and be there

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live.

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And then when you move over to the all community, I want you ladies to get in the habit of showing

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up to these live sessions because a lot of times she's the one doing those live sessions.

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So it's really important to start that habit now.

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So definitely go check it out.

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So yeah, Michelle, I get it if you're not always free on Saturday mornings.

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I'm the same way.

333
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But yeah, replay it.

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Y'all, last night I couldn't sleep.

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And so I just replayed Supernatural, like I do that.

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I'll just replay Supernatural Saturdays when I can't sleep.

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Like I'll listen to them several times even through the week because they're just that

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good and I'll hear something new the second, third time around that I didn't hear the first

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time.

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Now, usually I'm always walking around with a piece of paper and pen because I'm always

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writing things down.

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I have a list of notes all over my house.

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So jot down notes when you hear certain things, put it on your Jesus care board, put it on

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your prayer board, all of that.

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So from the Supernatural Saturday, we and after just looking through the community and

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really preying on it, we really felt led to kind of talk to you ladies about this understanding

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how entitlement can show up in dating.

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And so let's just unpack that a little bit.

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So let's just go over like what is entitlement, all right?

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So entitlement is that belief that you deserve something simply because you want it without

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having to earn it or respecting another person's autonomy.

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So in dating, it can show up expecting outcomes, responses, or behaviors from others based

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on what we've invested and how we feel rather than accepting that other people have their

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own free will and choices.

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Ladies, I, this is powerful to me because I've been where you've been and now I'm on

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the other side of marriage.

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And so for those of you ladies that have never been married before, this is going, you're

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going to, it will hit you once you get married.

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Now those of you ladies that have been married before, you probably have an understanding

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of this, but your husband is completely different person from you.

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It just is.

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And so you'll have to learn that your husband is not always going to do things that you

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want him to do because he has his own free will.

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Not that he's not going to care and love you, but he had like, your husband is going to

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have different life experiences, different things that God's, you know, taking him on

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a journey.

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And so he's going to have different life experiences.

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And so he's going to respond differently than you.

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I mean, another fun fact, ladies, is we're completely different.

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gender. Men are are programmed differently than women, believe

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00:20:05.820 --> 00:20:10.860
it or not. And so it's practicing some of this stuff

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now because, and I know ladies, I was, you know, going over this

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a few hours ago and praying over this. And you know, I realized

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how sometimes I show up entitled in my marriage. So it's, I

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don't want you to think that this is something that you need

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to carry shame on or guilt or anything like that. Like we all

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have a tendency at times in our life to get entitled about

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certain things. It's important that we recognize it. And when

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it gets revealed to us, we pray into it, we ask God to heal

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certain things in us that's causing this belief. Okay. So

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where this broken heart connection come from, like where

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this can come, you know, this, that entitlement can come from

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00:21:03.500 --> 00:21:08.220
is, like, if we've been hurt, or disappointed or rejected, you

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know, many of us are not, you know, little teenagers that

385
00:21:11.940 --> 00:21:14.540
haven't had relationships, you know, some of you know, most of

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00:21:14.540 --> 00:21:17.740
us have probably had a heartbreak in our past or some

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trauma, whether it's tied to our families, or our formers, former

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00:21:23.340 --> 00:21:28.340
relationship, former husbands, whatever that is. And so, you

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00:21:28.340 --> 00:21:31.820
know, it's tied to that, like, if we've been hurt, we've been

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00:21:31.820 --> 00:21:36.340
disappointed, we've been rejected, that pain can create

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this sense of God owes me something or a guy that you're

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00:21:40.940 --> 00:21:44.820
on a date with owes you something. Like we understand

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00:21:44.820 --> 00:21:50.860
that you all have experienced hurt. I have, y'all like I used

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to carry it around as a trophy. But remember, you got to you

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00:21:56.700 --> 00:22:00.700
want to, you want to partner with I'm different now, so that

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00:22:00.700 --> 00:22:03.700
you can continue to heal and approach all these new

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00:22:03.700 --> 00:22:06.460
connections with openness instead of these expectations

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that aren't healthy. So everybody on board with that?

399
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Does everybody understand? Thumbs up? You get it? Good.

400
00:22:15.100 --> 00:22:19.620
Okay. And again, this is we all do it. Y'all I was in this

401
00:22:19.620 --> 00:22:23.140
program, I was dating all the time. Even after heartwork, I

402
00:22:23.140 --> 00:22:28.620
still found myself doing it. So it's it's not a I can't do this

403
00:22:28.620 --> 00:22:31.340
anymore. I'm like, God doesn't have something for me. That's

404
00:22:31.340 --> 00:22:34.660
not what we're saying. This is, we want to recognize it because

405
00:22:34.660 --> 00:22:37.380
it's going to upgrade you and help you when you get into

406
00:22:37.380 --> 00:22:40.940
marriage. This is gonna show up in your marriages. I can't tell

407
00:22:40.940 --> 00:22:44.020
you there's times where I get so frustrated, because my husband

408
00:22:44.020 --> 00:22:48.300
is not responding the way I want him to. You know, and, and

409
00:22:48.300 --> 00:22:51.300
luckily, like we're both healthy individuals, we walk

410
00:22:51.300 --> 00:22:54.100
through it, we talk through it, we partner with God, you know,

411
00:22:54.100 --> 00:22:56.820
and sometimes we have a good laugh about it. Like, oh, gosh,

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00:22:56.820 --> 00:22:59.500
I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I said that. I

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00:22:59.500 --> 00:23:04.500
can't believe like, you know, I responded the way that I did.

414
00:23:05.060 --> 00:23:09.660
Okay. So I'm going to give you some examples of how first I'm

415
00:23:09.660 --> 00:23:11.980
going to first give you examples of how we partner with

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00:23:11.980 --> 00:23:16.500
entitlement. Okay. So these are the things that we can do. And

417
00:23:16.500 --> 00:23:19.620
when we and we see them like this is us being being entitled.

418
00:23:19.820 --> 00:23:23.580
Okay. And I read through these and I was like, went through all

419
00:23:23.580 --> 00:23:25.860
of these. I was like, man, I've done I've done these before.

420
00:23:25.900 --> 00:23:30.100
I've done these in my dating before I met my husband. And

421
00:23:30.100 --> 00:23:33.260
I've even done them in my marriage. So I was like, whoa,

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00:23:33.300 --> 00:23:37.620
reality check, like, you know, Lord help me with this. So

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00:23:37.780 --> 00:23:43.020
there's the expecting reciprocal interest. Okay, so it's like, I

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00:23:43.020 --> 00:23:48.020
really like him. So he should like me back. Or I've been clear

425
00:23:48.020 --> 00:23:54.380
about my feelings. So he owes me a response. Anybody else?

426
00:23:54.420 --> 00:24:01.420
Anybody ever done that? I used to like I'm a catch. And I, you

427
00:24:01.420 --> 00:24:04.780
know, he I like him. So he should like me. He should want

428
00:24:04.780 --> 00:24:09.700
to take me on another date. And then I get mad when that didn't

429
00:24:09.700 --> 00:24:12.380
happen. And then I get you know, angry at him and think he's a

430
00:24:12.380 --> 00:24:19.220
horrible guy when he really wasn't. Or get angry God. This

431
00:24:19.220 --> 00:24:23.940
is another one. Time investment entitlements. This is what I see

432
00:24:23.940 --> 00:24:28.020
frequently. We've been dating an X amount of weeks or an X

433
00:24:28.020 --> 00:24:34.420
amount of months. So he should be ready to commit to me. We

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00:24:34.420 --> 00:24:37.980
have a timeline in our head like what it needs to look like. And

435
00:24:37.980 --> 00:24:42.500
by golly, God needs to be on my timeline. This guy needs to get

436
00:24:42.500 --> 00:24:48.380
on my timeline. Y'all that does not work. Emotional labor

437
00:24:48.380 --> 00:24:52.940
expectations, expecting someone to heal at our pace, or in our

438
00:24:52.940 --> 00:24:56.940
preferred way. But also forgetting that you've been

439
00:24:56.940 --> 00:24:59.980
through heartwork. You've been through a heart healing

440
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:07.640
journey, and the men you meet may not have had that type of coaching or support.

441
00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:17.980
I can't tell you how many women, and I did this, I would just be chatting with somebody

442
00:25:17.980 --> 00:25:24.840
and I would just jump to conclusion that that person didn't do any healing.

443
00:25:24.840 --> 00:25:28.800
Maybe he did, and maybe he didn't.

444
00:25:28.800 --> 00:25:36.000
But I was so quick because it didn't look the way that heart healing looked for me.

445
00:25:36.000 --> 00:25:39.600
So we've got to be careful of that.

446
00:25:39.600 --> 00:25:41.160
Communication style demands.

447
00:25:41.160 --> 00:25:43.800
He should know how to communicate better.

448
00:25:43.800 --> 00:25:47.520
If he cared, he would text me more or differently.

449
00:25:47.520 --> 00:25:51.760
He'd text me in a different way or he'd text me more.

450
00:25:51.760 --> 00:25:52.840
He needs to communicate better.

451
00:25:52.840 --> 00:25:57.660
I can't tell you how I used to be like that.

452
00:25:57.660 --> 00:26:03.700
I used to think I was a good communicator, the men I was dating was not.

453
00:26:03.700 --> 00:26:07.020
There's times I think my husband is not a good communicator and I'm a better communicator

454
00:26:07.020 --> 00:26:08.100
than he is.

455
00:26:08.100 --> 00:26:12.180
He just communicates differently than me, y'all.

456
00:26:12.180 --> 00:26:18.100
Truth be told, I actually think my husband's probably a better communicator than I am.

457
00:26:18.100 --> 00:26:25.380
I don't tell him that often because I don't want it to get to his head, but it's true.

458
00:26:25.380 --> 00:26:32.460
We think people need to communicate in a certain way and we expect that from them.

459
00:26:32.460 --> 00:26:35.860
Maybe they aren't the best communicator.

460
00:26:35.860 --> 00:26:38.940
Maybe that's an area that God needs to work on them.

461
00:26:38.940 --> 00:26:44.460
Some of you ladies might marry men that aren't perfect at communication and through your

462
00:26:44.460 --> 00:26:49.460
marriage he's going to grow in his communication and you're going to grow in your communication

463
00:26:49.460 --> 00:26:53.340
too.

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Perfect progression timelines.

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00:26:57.980 --> 00:27:03.620
Believing there's a right timeline that someone should move at our preferred speeds.

466
00:27:03.620 --> 00:27:08.460
This one I see frequently show up in this community.

467
00:27:08.460 --> 00:27:10.420
I get questions all the time.

468
00:27:10.420 --> 00:27:14.900
So how long until I can have the exclusivity talk?

469
00:27:14.900 --> 00:27:17.940
How long until I can talk to him about his faith?

470
00:27:17.940 --> 00:27:26.260
How long until I can expect them to not be dating other people?

471
00:27:26.260 --> 00:27:35.460
We give you guardrails, but there's really no set timeline.

472
00:27:35.460 --> 00:27:41.020
God's timeline is the right timeline and if you're in alignment with him and you're partnering

473
00:27:41.020 --> 00:27:49.060
with him, then his timeline will unfold.

474
00:27:49.060 --> 00:27:55.220
I can't tell you if I met my husband sooner than I did, I would have probably never given

475
00:27:55.220 --> 00:27:58.340
him a chance.

476
00:27:58.340 --> 00:28:03.060
He and I would not have been ready had we met a year prior and y'all, I was in this

477
00:28:03.060 --> 00:28:04.580
community for over two years.

478
00:28:04.580 --> 00:28:09.300
I think it was just about, I was a little over two years when I finally was introduced

479
00:28:09.380 --> 00:28:10.380
to my husband.

480
00:28:10.380 --> 00:28:19.500
If I had met him a year prior, a year into heartwork, we would probably not be married.

481
00:28:19.500 --> 00:28:20.500
I would have cut and run.

482
00:28:20.500 --> 00:28:28.020
I mean, I already tried to cut and run the first time we were chatting, but my heart

483
00:28:28.020 --> 00:28:29.260
had to get prepared.

484
00:28:29.260 --> 00:28:31.220
God's timing had to come in place.

485
00:28:31.220 --> 00:28:41.820
There were so many other factors that played into our coming together and God confirming

486
00:28:41.820 --> 00:28:48.140
that the relationship was to move forward and go into marriage.

487
00:28:48.140 --> 00:28:54.220
So I want you ladies to work on letting go of these perfect timelines, that they have

488
00:28:54.220 --> 00:28:56.860
to go, like a guy has to meet your speed.

489
00:28:57.380 --> 00:29:04.220
Okay, now again, if you ladies are showing up and sharing with us like the progression

490
00:29:04.220 --> 00:29:08.940
and what's going on on your dates and how the interaction is, we're able to coach you

491
00:29:08.940 --> 00:29:10.420
through some of that.

492
00:29:10.420 --> 00:29:12.140
We can help you see blind spots.

493
00:29:12.140 --> 00:29:13.420
We can help you see areas.

494
00:29:13.420 --> 00:29:19.820
We can help you communicate better with the guy that you're dating.

495
00:29:19.820 --> 00:29:25.460
If things don't feel like it's, there's like a hiccup, that's what we're here for.

496
00:29:25.460 --> 00:29:29.660
And the last way that we can partner with entitlement, and there's more examples, but

497
00:29:29.660 --> 00:29:34.780
I'm going to give you one more, is expecting someone new to make up for old wounds.

498
00:29:34.780 --> 00:29:38.460
So you have past hurt compensation.

499
00:29:38.460 --> 00:29:41.980
You're hurt by what other men have done.

500
00:29:41.980 --> 00:29:46.660
And so you want this guy to come in and be that knight in shining armor and make up for

501
00:29:46.660 --> 00:29:48.460
all those old wounds.

502
00:29:48.460 --> 00:29:55.220
Y'all, you can't put a man in a Jesus hole in your heart.

503
00:29:55.260 --> 00:29:59.060
Jesus is the only one that's going to be able to heal those wounds.

504
00:29:59.060 --> 00:29:59.940
No man.

505
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.600
No husband is going to be able to do that.

506
00:30:05.600 --> 00:30:11.060
Okay, so now how do we shift out of that entitlement to empowerment?

507
00:30:12.160 --> 00:30:14.160
So these are things that

508
00:30:16.320 --> 00:30:19.800
when you recognize, okay, so it's recognizing that pattern.

509
00:30:19.800 --> 00:30:25.960
So when you notice that you're thinking he should or I deserve, these are often entitlement red flags.

510
00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:32.760
So when you ladies are sharing or you're communicating or you're thinking or you're feeling and all those things and you're thinking well

511
00:30:32.760 --> 00:30:35.680
he should have done this and he should have done that and you know,

512
00:30:35.680 --> 00:30:40.800
I deserve this and I don't deserve someone to do this to me. Those are sometimes like, okay,

513
00:30:40.800 --> 00:30:47.000
this is a flag to recognize is this entitlement and let's process through it, sharing community.

514
00:30:48.040 --> 00:30:49.280
Okay.

515
00:30:49.280 --> 00:30:54.000
Another way to shift out of this is so when you see that then it's like separate your investment

516
00:30:54.680 --> 00:30:56.680
from expected outcomes.

517
00:30:57.200 --> 00:30:58.880
This is huge.

518
00:30:58.880 --> 00:31:03.160
This one I think is really powerful that I think if you ladies can grab hold of this,

519
00:31:06.480 --> 00:31:09.160
there's going to be so much growth and it's going to just

520
00:31:09.800 --> 00:31:11.800
change your whole perspective of dating.

521
00:31:12.160 --> 00:31:14.640
It did that for me.

522
00:31:15.240 --> 00:31:17.080
So your feelings,

523
00:31:17.080 --> 00:31:18.720
your time,

524
00:31:18.720 --> 00:31:20.720
your energy are

525
00:31:21.240 --> 00:31:22.800
gifts

526
00:31:22.800 --> 00:31:25.000
that you choose to give.

527
00:31:26.600 --> 00:31:29.280
You make a choice to show up and date.

528
00:31:30.640 --> 00:31:36.040
You make a choice to invest your time. You make a choice to share your feelings.

529
00:31:36.600 --> 00:31:41.080
You share your energy. You make time, like all of that. It's a gift.

530
00:31:42.480 --> 00:31:46.200
But it does not, it is not an invoice that requires payment.

531
00:31:49.720 --> 00:31:51.720
Hold on to that one.

532
00:31:53.800 --> 00:32:00.200
Y'all ever hear like when, like God, like when we give, like when we give gifts,

533
00:32:00.960 --> 00:32:04.480
it's always, it's, we talk about it's better to give than to receive, right?

534
00:32:05.560 --> 00:32:08.240
Giving without the expectation of something in return.

535
00:32:09.200 --> 00:32:11.200
That's a heart posture, y'all.

536
00:32:12.080 --> 00:32:16.760
So if we're investing ourselves and giving our time and giving our gift of ourselves

537
00:32:18.400 --> 00:32:20.400
and we're expecting something in return,

538
00:32:22.800 --> 00:32:24.800
that's not a good heart posture.

539
00:32:25.440 --> 00:32:27.600
That's a, that's a, that's an unhealthy heart right there.

540
00:32:29.360 --> 00:32:32.080
Those of you that have watched the Divine Feminine,

541
00:32:33.760 --> 00:32:35.760
that's manipulation.

542
00:32:37.520 --> 00:32:42.560
You're giving something to someone because you're trying to manipulate them to give you something back.

543
00:32:44.240 --> 00:32:46.240
So you have to separate

544
00:32:47.440 --> 00:32:51.360
my investment in my dating experience is a gift for somebody,

545
00:32:52.080 --> 00:32:56.400
but they're not gonna, I, I'm not owed anything by that.

546
00:32:57.600 --> 00:33:02.960
So you need to work on viewing your dating experiences, opportunities, and I preach this.

547
00:33:03.040 --> 00:33:07.840
I've been preaching this for almost two years in this community with Coaching You Ladies.

548
00:33:09.040 --> 00:33:17.040
Your dating experiences are always opportunities, even the ones that you are like frustrated about or the guy shows up and is a real jerk.

549
00:33:17.840 --> 00:33:23.440
Because ladies don't have dates like that. I had them. I had guys that were just absolute disgusting jerks.

550
00:33:25.360 --> 00:33:29.520
But if I held on this, like I didn't deserve to be treated like that

551
00:33:30.640 --> 00:33:34.000
and went on, like I invested my time. I took time away from my son.

552
00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:40.000
I'm a single mom because I did that y'all. I, that was sometimes what played in my head and once I could

553
00:33:40.540 --> 00:33:41.680
unlock

554
00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:43.680
and tap out of that belief

555
00:33:44.080 --> 00:33:46.080
and be like, you know what?

556
00:33:46.720 --> 00:33:48.720
That guy was a real jerk.

557
00:33:49.840 --> 00:33:52.000
But what opportunity can I learn from this?

558
00:33:52.880 --> 00:33:54.720
What's God showing?

559
00:33:54.720 --> 00:33:58.640
A lot of times it was just like a gratitude that God revealed it

560
00:33:59.360 --> 00:34:01.040
so quickly

561
00:34:01.040 --> 00:34:02.720
and I recognized

562
00:34:02.720 --> 00:34:06.480
those guys and I was able to be like, Lord, you're protecting me.

563
00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:12.260
You're revealing this to me because I was the type of person that stayed in unhealthy relationships.

564
00:34:12.340 --> 00:34:14.340
Thinking the guy would change,

565
00:34:15.300 --> 00:34:17.780
ignoring all of those warning signs.

566
00:34:19.380 --> 00:34:23.380
So the fact that I wasn't doing that anymore, y'all that was growth.

567
00:34:24.260 --> 00:34:26.260
That was huge.

568
00:34:26.820 --> 00:34:30.280
So if you look at these dating experiences as opportunities

569
00:34:30.820 --> 00:34:37.540
for you to continue to grow and that you're not owed something, ladies, this dating experience will be a whole new

570
00:34:38.100 --> 00:34:40.100
like ballgame for you.

571
00:34:40.580 --> 00:34:46.980
I can't, I, I cannot stress it enough. I, I mean, and those of you ladies that have been with me for a few months,

572
00:34:46.980 --> 00:34:52.659
you probably have heard me share it. You could go into the next phase and, and the ladies there will tell you,

573
00:34:52.659 --> 00:34:54.659
oh yeah, Carla would always tell us that.

574
00:34:57.060 --> 00:34:59.540
But I think it's really important for you guys to be able to

575
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.660
because it's true. Another way of shifting out of that entitlement and being

576
00:35:00.420 --> 00:35:02.420
continue to grow.

577
00:35:02.420 --> 00:35:05.620
I think it's really important for you guys to be able to continue to grow.

578
00:35:05.660 --> 00:35:09.500
empowered is focus on what you can control. You can control your own

579
00:35:09.500 --> 00:35:13.820
choices, you can control your own boundaries, and you can control your

580
00:35:13.820 --> 00:35:18.740
responses rather than trying to control someone else's feelings or actions. Those

581
00:35:18.740 --> 00:35:23.660
are the only things that you can control. How you show up.

582
00:35:23.660 --> 00:35:29.860
And then practice curious detachment. So what that means is I wonder what's

583
00:35:29.860 --> 00:35:37.180
happening for him instead of why isn't he doing what I want. This is that

584
00:35:37.180 --> 00:35:42.900
practicing that supernatural surrender. You have those tools, you learned them in

585
00:35:42.900 --> 00:35:50.900
heart work, you will use them in this dating journey of yours, you will use

586
00:35:50.900 --> 00:35:57.740
them in your marriages. You have to supernaturally surrender. So ask yourself

587
00:35:57.740 --> 00:36:04.260
have I prayed today and given God permission to work in every every area

588
00:36:04.260 --> 00:36:13.980
of my life. Huge, huge, huge, huge, huge. That's something that I still have to

589
00:36:13.980 --> 00:36:19.420
work on in my marriage, in my blending my family, just how I show up every day.

590
00:36:19.420 --> 00:36:24.460
I'm like oh I didn't I didn't really partner with God on this situation.

591
00:36:24.460 --> 00:36:27.940
That's probably why I'm feeling a little angst. It's probably why I'm

592
00:36:27.940 --> 00:36:34.780
feeling you know there's disconnect in my home because I haven't I haven't

593
00:36:34.780 --> 00:36:40.980
spent time with God and supernaturally surrendered certain things that are

594
00:36:40.980 --> 00:36:47.580
completely out of my control. And last like honor your needs without demanding

595
00:36:47.580 --> 00:36:57.380
others meet them. That's huge. You can need consistency and choose to date

596
00:36:57.380 --> 00:37:06.460
someone who naturally proves it rather than expecting someone to change. Does

597
00:37:06.460 --> 00:37:09.060
that make sense?

598
00:37:11.020 --> 00:37:17.180
Like honor your needs, like be consistent with it, but don't expect other people to

599
00:37:18.180 --> 00:37:26.980
to do it for you or to change. All right so we're gonna open up for questions but

600
00:37:26.980 --> 00:37:33.300
before I do that I'm gonna give you guys some lady you ladies some reflection

601
00:37:33.300 --> 00:37:38.300
questions. And so I want you ladies to unmute, spend some time with this with

602
00:37:38.300 --> 00:37:42.780
some of these questions. You don't have to answer all four of them. I'm gonna

603
00:37:42.780 --> 00:37:45.820
give you four of them. I want you to just take a minute. Which one sticks out to

604
00:37:45.820 --> 00:37:50.180
you? Which one do you want to pray and meditate on? And then you can unmute and

605
00:37:50.180 --> 00:37:55.060
share. You can ask your questions and we'll spend the next like 30 to 40

606
00:37:55.060 --> 00:38:00.780
minutes doing that. Okay so where do you notice entitlement showing up in your

607
00:38:00.780 --> 00:38:06.340
dating life? You just sit and think about that one. Does that one kind of you know

608
00:38:06.340 --> 00:38:09.300
does that question like is there anything that kind of comes to surface?

609
00:38:09.460 --> 00:38:16.460
How might your past hurts be creating present expectations?

610
00:38:17.980 --> 00:38:26.620
So how our past hurts creating what you're expecting now in dating? What

611
00:38:26.620 --> 00:38:32.900
would dating look like if you released the need for specific outcomes? Spend

612
00:38:32.900 --> 00:38:36.340
time praying on that one ladies.

613
00:38:37.300 --> 00:38:42.940
I will tell you that will that alone will help you unlock that this dating

614
00:38:42.940 --> 00:38:47.380
experience because y'all it took me a while when I was in this program to jump

615
00:38:47.380 --> 00:38:56.260
back into dating. It really did. It really really did. And so but once I was able to

616
00:38:56.260 --> 00:39:05.220
release those outcomes, dating actually became enjoyable. Not all the time but

617
00:39:05.260 --> 00:39:10.260
majority of the time. Because I know so many women are like oh online dating in

618
00:39:10.260 --> 00:39:13.900
the past just never worked for me. Oh I you know dating has never worked for me.

619
00:39:13.900 --> 00:39:21.020
I've always had these bad experiences. If we shift what our specific outcomes are

620
00:39:21.020 --> 00:39:27.820
it will dating can actually be enjoyable. Discovery dating can actually be really

621
00:39:27.820 --> 00:39:33.780
healing and can allow a lot of opportunity for growth. The last question

622
00:39:33.780 --> 00:39:41.620
how can you honor your worth without demanding others prove it to you? That

623
00:39:41.620 --> 00:39:49.860
one's huge for me. I've struggled with my identity and worth before this program

624
00:39:49.860 --> 00:39:57.380
and the heartwork really helped me tap into what my actual worth was and who I

625
00:39:57.380 --> 00:40:00.740
was and whose I was.

626
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:08.720
And I was constantly wanting other people to show me that I was worth it, to prove that

627
00:40:08.720 --> 00:40:10.040
I was worth it.

628
00:40:10.040 --> 00:40:14.540
I was constantly seeking other people's approval.

629
00:40:14.540 --> 00:40:18.480
Sometimes I still sometimes struggle with that.

630
00:40:18.480 --> 00:40:24.440
But if I'm doing that, then I'm not honoring who I actually am.

631
00:40:24.440 --> 00:40:26.180
So sit with that.

632
00:40:26.180 --> 00:40:30.960
Is there any of that, any of what we kind of just, what I just unpacked with you ladies,

633
00:40:30.960 --> 00:40:35.580
is there anything that's surfacing, anything that you ladies want to share, questions you

634
00:40:35.580 --> 00:40:36.860
want to ask?

635
00:40:36.860 --> 00:40:40.140
I'm going to open the floor to you.

636
00:40:40.140 --> 00:40:41.140
Raise your hand.

637
00:40:41.140 --> 00:40:42.980
I'll call on whoever.

638
00:40:42.980 --> 00:40:45.740
I got Lisa, anybody else?

639
00:40:45.740 --> 00:40:49.700
We've got like 30, 40 minutes here.

640
00:40:49.700 --> 00:40:53.460
I got Michelle, Lisa, Michelle, anybody else?

641
00:40:53.460 --> 00:40:55.020
Don't be shy, ladies.

642
00:40:55.020 --> 00:40:58.340
I got 13 of you on here.

643
00:40:58.340 --> 00:41:04.020
I see some new faces, well, I don't see a lot of faces.

644
00:41:04.020 --> 00:41:08.460
I see some new names because I wasn't here last week.

645
00:41:08.460 --> 00:41:13.780
All right, I'm going to open the floor to Lisa and then Michelle and ladies, throw your

646
00:41:13.780 --> 00:41:15.860
avatar hands up.

647
00:41:15.860 --> 00:41:17.100
Let us hear your thoughts.

648
00:41:17.100 --> 00:41:19.300
Let us know your questions, all that.

649
00:41:19.300 --> 00:41:21.420
Hey, Lisa, how are you?

650
00:41:21.420 --> 00:41:23.220
You're experiencing some dating now.

651
00:41:23.980 --> 00:41:25.460
You're getting that muscle working.

652
00:41:25.460 --> 00:41:26.460
I'm seeing it.

653
00:41:26.460 --> 00:41:27.460
I love it.

654
00:41:27.460 --> 00:41:28.460
I'm trying.

655
00:41:28.460 --> 00:41:31.460
I don't know how I'm doing, but I'm trying.

656
00:41:31.460 --> 00:41:32.540
You're moving forward.

657
00:41:32.540 --> 00:41:33.540
You're doing great.

658
00:41:33.540 --> 00:41:37.220
As long as you're moving forward, you're doing great.

659
00:41:37.220 --> 00:41:41.500
So with the questions that you just noted, I just wanted to point out one thing and then

660
00:41:41.500 --> 00:41:44.420
I'll ask my actual question.

661
00:41:44.420 --> 00:41:53.100
So I noticed that what is actually hurting me in my heart is somebody would say that,

662
00:41:53.980 --> 00:41:56.420
so somebody responded that and said, happy Friday, Lisa.

663
00:41:56.420 --> 00:41:57.420
How are you?

664
00:41:57.420 --> 00:41:58.940
I would really like to get to know you.

665
00:41:58.940 --> 00:42:03.420
And then I said, I'm good, thank you.

666
00:42:03.420 --> 00:42:07.300
So maybe I just responded too soon about the video call.

667
00:42:07.300 --> 00:42:09.420
I didn't know what else to talk.

668
00:42:09.420 --> 00:42:15.780
So I just said, hey, I would love to have a video chat with you if you would be interested.

669
00:42:15.780 --> 00:42:17.860
And then he just never responded.

670
00:42:17.900 --> 00:42:25.060
So what is hurting to my heart is people do want to initiate and then they have good intentions

671
00:42:25.060 --> 00:42:26.820
in the beginning to get to know.

672
00:42:26.820 --> 00:42:31.020
And then when we would respond, like when I would respond, they would just not get back.

673
00:42:31.020 --> 00:42:32.020
And that frustrates me.

674
00:42:32.020 --> 00:42:36.820
I mean, I was also, as I said, I was on my period, so I was like high on emotions.

675
00:42:36.820 --> 00:42:40.300
So I wasn't able to manage myself so well.

676
00:42:40.300 --> 00:42:44.300
So that's like, okay, I just started dating and that's so frustrating.

677
00:42:44.300 --> 00:42:45.300
So how do we?

678
00:42:45.300 --> 00:42:46.300
Yes, go ahead.

679
00:42:46.300 --> 00:42:47.300
Oh no, go ahead.

680
00:42:47.300 --> 00:42:48.300
I'm going to let you finish.

681
00:42:48.300 --> 00:42:49.300
Yeah.

682
00:42:49.300 --> 00:42:56.020
So like, how do I, how do I come to a position of rest and knowing that whether my spirit

683
00:42:56.020 --> 00:43:00.420
mate is, he's going to respond and like God is bringing him.

684
00:43:00.420 --> 00:43:03.420
So if these people are not responding, that's okay.

685
00:43:03.420 --> 00:43:08.900
Like, I mean, I can tell that right now so nicely, but Sunday and Saturday, I wasn't

686
00:43:08.900 --> 00:43:09.900
able to.

687
00:43:10.900 --> 00:43:18.660
I girl, you like, I get it because I, I experienced all of that in dating ladies.

688
00:43:18.660 --> 00:43:20.140
It gets frustrating.

689
00:43:20.140 --> 00:43:24.700
You get, especially if you're online and you're like, especially y'all like online dating

690
00:43:24.700 --> 00:43:27.980
can sometimes just be a drag.

691
00:43:27.980 --> 00:43:31.500
Like it just, there's a lot of ladies that are, I mean, and I was one of these people

692
00:43:31.500 --> 00:43:33.060
I'm like, Oh, I don't want to have to do online dating.

693
00:43:33.060 --> 00:43:34.860
I had to change my perspective.

694
00:43:34.860 --> 00:43:39.620
Like I had to, I had to start practicing the muscle and I was fine and I shifted my, my

695
00:43:40.340 --> 00:43:41.340
perspective.

696
00:43:41.340 --> 00:43:45.380
But yeah, it can be frustrating, especially when you're looking at a profile and it reads

697
00:43:45.380 --> 00:43:47.220
well and he's got some cute pictures.

698
00:43:47.220 --> 00:43:48.860
You're like, you get excited.

699
00:43:48.860 --> 00:43:50.660
This guy's interested in me.

700
00:43:50.660 --> 00:43:54.180
It, it gives you a little dopamine hit when they're reaching out to you.

701
00:43:54.180 --> 00:43:55.180
It feels good.

702
00:43:55.180 --> 00:44:01.980
So then when all of a sudden it goes like this, there is that like, Oh, and all that

703
00:44:01.980 --> 00:44:05.500
is, is, you know, we, we got it.

704
00:44:05.500 --> 00:44:06.500
Okay.

705
00:44:06.500 --> 00:44:07.500
Am I being rejected?

706
00:44:07.500 --> 00:44:09.580
Do I have an issue with rejection?

707
00:44:10.540 --> 00:44:14.140
And again, like it can not feel good, but we don't want to stay in it.

708
00:44:14.140 --> 00:44:18.940
So Lisa, yeah, your Saturday and Sunday, you might've just been in, in, in the, you know,

709
00:44:18.940 --> 00:44:23.300
muck of it, but now you're not staying there.

710
00:44:23.300 --> 00:44:31.460
You're speaking truth, but you have to recognize, okay, what lie am I believing here?

711
00:44:31.460 --> 00:44:32.460
And what's the truth?

712
00:44:32.460 --> 00:44:35.260
Cause the truth is you're God defended.

713
00:44:35.260 --> 00:44:36.420
Amen.

714
00:44:36.420 --> 00:44:37.580
You're God defended.

715
00:44:37.580 --> 00:44:38.940
Those guys don't respond to you.

716
00:44:39.300 --> 00:44:40.300
And guess what?

717
00:44:40.300 --> 00:44:42.620
You might've just dodged a huge bullet.

718
00:44:42.620 --> 00:44:46.420
God might've just shut that door, whatever.

719
00:44:46.420 --> 00:44:49.100
We don't have to focus on, on all of that.

720
00:44:49.100 --> 00:44:53.860
We don't have to focus on, okay, this guy reached out and then he kind of just stopped.

721
00:44:53.860 --> 00:44:59.140
We don't know what happened, but we do know that we're God defended and we're God protected.

722
00:44:59.140 --> 00:45:00.140
We know that.

723
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.520
and my husband's going to respond to me.

724
00:45:00.140 --> 00:45:00.140


725
00:45:03.520 --> 00:45:07.920
My husband is going to see me as his wife

726
00:45:09.320 --> 00:45:10.640
and he's going to respond.

727
00:45:10.640 --> 00:45:13.080
He's going to invest in that time.

728
00:45:13.080 --> 00:45:14.680
And so it's speaking that truth.

729
00:45:14.680 --> 00:45:18.920
It's kind of like what Ebony prompted you ladies to do.

730
00:45:18.920 --> 00:45:20.200
Take those first five minutes,

731
00:45:20.200 --> 00:45:22.120
speak the scripture over yourself.

732
00:45:22.120 --> 00:45:25.120
Pray those, you know, just constantly prophesy,

733
00:45:25.120 --> 00:45:29.600
prophesy over how your husband is going to respond to you.

734
00:45:29.640 --> 00:45:33.840
My husband is not going to not reach out to me.

735
00:45:34.920 --> 00:45:35.840
Okay?

736
00:45:35.840 --> 00:45:38.320
Now let's talk about this video call

737
00:45:38.320 --> 00:45:40.240
because I like that you brought that up.

738
00:45:40.240 --> 00:45:41.080
Yeah.

739
00:45:41.080 --> 00:45:43.680
So just a follow up question on what you just said.

740
00:45:43.680 --> 00:45:45.680
So how much do I wait?

741
00:45:45.680 --> 00:45:47.120
Like, do I wait one day, two day

742
00:45:47.120 --> 00:45:49.160
and then just let that go from my heart?

743
00:45:49.160 --> 00:45:50.960
That, okay, this person didn't respond

744
00:45:50.960 --> 00:45:52.440
so maybe he's not interested.

745
00:45:52.440 --> 00:45:53.640
Before he said he is.

746
00:45:53.640 --> 00:45:54.800
So like, how much do I wait?

747
00:45:54.800 --> 00:45:55.640
Like two days?

748
00:45:55.640 --> 00:45:56.960
How much time do you need?

749
00:45:57.920 --> 00:45:58.760
True, right?

750
00:45:58.760 --> 00:45:59.600
Like to respond.

751
00:45:59.600 --> 00:46:01.400
It, like, are you saying like,

752
00:46:01.400 --> 00:46:02.960
okay, when he doesn't respond,

753
00:46:02.960 --> 00:46:04.720
then like you have to,

754
00:46:04.720 --> 00:46:07.160
if he doesn't, if you've put it out there,

755
00:46:07.160 --> 00:46:08.000
guess what?

756
00:46:08.000 --> 00:46:08.840
You don't respond.

757
00:46:08.840 --> 00:46:10.600
You put it in his court.

758
00:46:10.600 --> 00:46:11.720
Okay.

759
00:46:11.720 --> 00:46:13.960
Because now if you feel like you have this need,

760
00:46:13.960 --> 00:46:15.360
like, okay, I waited a day

761
00:46:15.360 --> 00:46:17.720
and he never responded to my question.

762
00:46:17.720 --> 00:46:18.560
Do I need to,

763
00:46:18.560 --> 00:46:20.000
like, if you have this tendency

764
00:46:20.000 --> 00:46:21.920
where you feel like you have to respond

765
00:46:21.920 --> 00:46:23.320
if they didn't respond,

766
00:46:23.320 --> 00:46:24.160
then we're going to,

767
00:46:24.440 --> 00:46:25.640
and this is,

768
00:46:25.640 --> 00:46:27.640
you see this as a habit,

769
00:46:27.640 --> 00:46:29.000
then we're going to need to unpack

770
00:46:29.000 --> 00:46:30.200
some of the anxious attachment

771
00:46:30.200 --> 00:46:32.040
because that's anxious attachment.

772
00:46:32.040 --> 00:46:32.880
Right.

773
00:46:32.880 --> 00:46:34.280
So, but like, when do we like just,

774
00:46:34.280 --> 00:46:35.360
okay, got it.

775
00:46:35.360 --> 00:46:36.520
You answered it.

776
00:46:36.520 --> 00:46:37.360
Okay.

777
00:46:37.360 --> 00:46:38.560
I will just let them go from my heart.

778
00:46:38.560 --> 00:46:40.480
Like, and not, not unmatch them,

779
00:46:40.480 --> 00:46:41.320
not do anything.

780
00:46:41.320 --> 00:46:42.440
Just like, nope.

781
00:46:42.440 --> 00:46:43.640
Just leave it.

782
00:46:43.640 --> 00:46:44.560
And because who knows,

783
00:46:44.560 --> 00:46:45.400
maybe something can,

784
00:46:45.400 --> 00:46:48.440
you just, we never know the behind the scenes

785
00:46:49.640 --> 00:46:53.040
because maybe a catastrophe happened.

786
00:46:54.280 --> 00:46:57.000
And he just forgot to respond

787
00:46:57.000 --> 00:46:59.000
or something took his mind off of something.

788
00:46:59.000 --> 00:47:01.680
Maybe he was dating someone else

789
00:47:01.680 --> 00:47:03.000
and his investment was there.

790
00:47:03.000 --> 00:47:03.840
And then guess what?

791
00:47:03.840 --> 00:47:04.680
A week or two later,

792
00:47:04.680 --> 00:47:06.360
maybe that kind of fell through.

793
00:47:06.360 --> 00:47:07.560
He might circle back around

794
00:47:07.560 --> 00:47:09.360
and want to entertain it.

795
00:47:09.360 --> 00:47:11.960
This is why these are level, level one.

796
00:47:11.960 --> 00:47:13.360
Like that, at that point, it's level one.

797
00:47:13.360 --> 00:47:16.040
You haven't really invested a whole lot into it.

798
00:47:16.040 --> 00:47:17.640
There's not a lot of heart investment

799
00:47:17.640 --> 00:47:19.000
that will need to be going in there.

800
00:47:19.000 --> 00:47:20.800
And if we are finding

801
00:47:20.800 --> 00:47:22.320
that our heart is getting invested

802
00:47:22.320 --> 00:47:24.400
in that early, early stage,

803
00:47:24.400 --> 00:47:25.240
then we're going to need

804
00:47:25.240 --> 00:47:27.880
to unpack some heartwork stuff with that.

805
00:47:27.880 --> 00:47:28.720
Got it.

806
00:47:28.720 --> 00:47:29.560
Okay.

807
00:47:29.560 --> 00:47:30.400
Yeah.

808
00:47:30.400 --> 00:47:32.320
So talking about video call.

809
00:47:32.320 --> 00:47:33.160
Yeah.

810
00:47:33.160 --> 00:47:34.560
So this is good.

811
00:47:34.560 --> 00:47:38.200
So ladies, when you are,

812
00:47:38.200 --> 00:47:40.040
like you're on the apps,

813
00:47:40.040 --> 00:47:41.080
they're reaching out,

814
00:47:41.080 --> 00:47:42.320
you're reaching out.

815
00:47:42.320 --> 00:47:45.320
We want a couple reciprocated exchanges.

816
00:47:45.320 --> 00:47:47.320
So if someone reaches out to you,

817
00:47:47.320 --> 00:47:48.880
so let's take, for example,

818
00:47:48.880 --> 00:47:50.840
if we could rewind the clock, Lisa,

819
00:47:50.880 --> 00:47:52.400
and this guy sent you,

820
00:47:52.400 --> 00:47:53.240
happy Friday,

821
00:47:53.240 --> 00:47:55.240
I would like to get to know you better.

822
00:47:55.240 --> 00:47:56.880
Like, how's your Friday going?

823
00:47:56.880 --> 00:47:59.000
Your response could be something like,

824
00:47:59.000 --> 00:48:01.040
my Friday is really great.

825
00:48:01.040 --> 00:48:02.640
Yeah, it was reading your profile.

826
00:48:02.640 --> 00:48:05.040
I would really enjoy getting to know you better.

827
00:48:05.040 --> 00:48:06.440
And then ask him a question.

828
00:48:08.400 --> 00:48:09.280
Look at his profile,

829
00:48:09.280 --> 00:48:11.600
see if you can pull a question off of it.

830
00:48:11.600 --> 00:48:12.720
Kind of an icebreaker.

831
00:48:13.680 --> 00:48:17.680
Give him an opportunity to like show

832
00:48:17.680 --> 00:48:19.760
that he wants to get to know you a little bit.

833
00:48:19.880 --> 00:48:22.720
And then he'll answer, okay?

834
00:48:22.720 --> 00:48:25.800
Now he may come back with another question.

835
00:48:25.800 --> 00:48:27.240
He may not.

836
00:48:27.240 --> 00:48:28.160
Cause again, ladies,

837
00:48:28.160 --> 00:48:29.360
we're not expect,

838
00:48:29.360 --> 00:48:30.800
like we can't expect these men

839
00:48:30.800 --> 00:48:34.000
to respond the way we want them to.

840
00:48:34.000 --> 00:48:35.880
Some men will be chatty.

841
00:48:35.880 --> 00:48:38.760
Some men will engage and ask questions

842
00:48:38.760 --> 00:48:39.760
and some men won't.

843
00:48:40.680 --> 00:48:43.840
We have to try to keep that conversation going.

844
00:48:45.920 --> 00:48:47.400
Have a couple exchanges.

845
00:48:47.400 --> 00:48:49.080
I say a couple days,

846
00:48:49.080 --> 00:48:51.400
no longer than a week.

847
00:48:51.400 --> 00:48:55.880
If you're texting or messaging back and forth for a week,

848
00:48:55.880 --> 00:48:57.200
you're just going to end up finding yourself

849
00:48:57.200 --> 00:48:58.160
in pen pal mode.

850
00:48:59.280 --> 00:49:00.760
After a couple exchanges,

851
00:49:00.760 --> 00:49:03.080
if you like their responses,

852
00:49:03.080 --> 00:49:04.880
you're thinking, okay,

853
00:49:04.880 --> 00:49:07.640
I'd be interested in doing a video call with them.

854
00:49:07.640 --> 00:49:08.840
If they're long distance,

855
00:49:08.840 --> 00:49:10.600
if they're local,

856
00:49:10.600 --> 00:49:13.160
ladies, do an in-person date.

857
00:49:13.160 --> 00:49:16.000
You don't have to do a video call

858
00:49:16.000 --> 00:49:17.560
before an in-person date,

859
00:49:17.560 --> 00:49:19.080
if they're local.

860
00:49:19.080 --> 00:49:20.800
If you feel more comfortable to do that,

861
00:49:20.800 --> 00:49:21.640
then that's fine.

862
00:49:21.640 --> 00:49:23.400
I'm not going to force you ladies to do in-person dates.

863
00:49:23.400 --> 00:49:24.240
If you don't,

864
00:49:24.240 --> 00:49:25.080
if you're like,

865
00:49:25.080 --> 00:49:25.920
I'm still not sure about it,

866
00:49:25.920 --> 00:49:26.760
I'm going to just make sure

867
00:49:26.760 --> 00:49:28.960
that they are who they say they are.

868
00:49:28.960 --> 00:49:29.800
But again,

869
00:49:29.800 --> 00:49:31.520
if you're doing in-person dates,

870
00:49:31.520 --> 00:49:36.000
you're going to offer public dates.

871
00:49:36.000 --> 00:49:36.840
Okay.

872
00:49:36.840 --> 00:49:38.240
You're not going somewhere.

873
00:49:38.240 --> 00:49:41.880
It's like remote with them.

874
00:49:43.440 --> 00:49:45.840
So that if they are not who they are,

875
00:49:46.680 --> 00:49:47.520
you're in a public place

876
00:49:47.520 --> 00:49:51.040
and you can use safety measures and get out.

877
00:49:52.480 --> 00:49:54.800
And we can talk about those things if we need to.

878
00:49:54.800 --> 00:49:56.480
But you want those couple of exchanges

879
00:49:56.480 --> 00:49:58.720
and then drop the hanky.

880
00:49:58.720 --> 00:49:59.880
Make small talk.

881
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.720
which Lisa, I think, was it like a month or so ago,

882
00:50:02.720 --> 00:50:05.400
we talked about practice making small talk.

883
00:50:05.400 --> 00:50:07.080
So this, just start,

884
00:50:07.080 --> 00:50:09.440
continue to keep practice making small talk.

885
00:50:09.440 --> 00:50:11.160
And then after a couple of changes and say,

886
00:50:11.160 --> 00:50:13.800
you know what, how about we take this in person

887
00:50:13.800 --> 00:50:16.200
if they're local, why don't we meet up someday?

888
00:50:16.200 --> 00:50:18.440
Or we can always do a video chat.

889
00:50:18.440 --> 00:50:20.480
How does that work for you?

890
00:50:20.480 --> 00:50:24.420
And again, you wait for them to respond.

891
00:50:25.980 --> 00:50:29.480
And if they bow out, they bow out.

892
00:50:29.480 --> 00:50:32.320
Some men may be weird about video calls.

893
00:50:32.320 --> 00:50:34.080
I know my husband thought that was weird

894
00:50:34.080 --> 00:50:35.920
that we coach ladies to do video calls.

895
00:50:35.920 --> 00:50:37.320
He's like, that's weird.

896
00:50:37.320 --> 00:50:39.000
I would just want to meet them in person.

897
00:50:39.000 --> 00:50:40.240
I'm like, okay, honey.

898
00:50:41.640 --> 00:50:45.240
But you know, again, if you want that boundary there,

899
00:50:45.240 --> 00:50:47.740
your husband is going to respect the boundary.

900
00:50:47.740 --> 00:50:48.580
Yes.

901
00:50:48.580 --> 00:50:50.200
And so we throw that out there.

902
00:50:50.200 --> 00:50:51.040
Yeah.

903
00:50:51.040 --> 00:50:56.040
And then if they don't respond or they ghost themselves

904
00:50:56.880 --> 00:51:01.000
or they ignore the question,

905
00:51:01.000 --> 00:51:02.680
you can have a couple more exchanges

906
00:51:02.680 --> 00:51:03.640
and then throw it out again.

907
00:51:03.640 --> 00:51:05.520
And then if they ignore the question,

908
00:51:05.520 --> 00:51:10.100
hey, I am here to date in real life.

909
00:51:10.100 --> 00:51:12.440
I understand that maybe you're not ready

910
00:51:12.440 --> 00:51:14.280
to do a video chat or meet in person.

911
00:51:14.280 --> 00:51:17.080
I totally understand that's cool,

912
00:51:17.080 --> 00:51:18.920
but I'm going to let you go

913
00:51:18.920 --> 00:51:21.220
and I'm going to wish you the best of luck.

914
00:51:21.220 --> 00:51:23.640
And you'll get to release them.

915
00:51:23.640 --> 00:51:24.480
Yeah.

916
00:51:24.480 --> 00:51:27.080
Sometimes ladies, when they don't want to do a video chat,

917
00:51:28.160 --> 00:51:29.280
it's because they're scammers

918
00:51:29.280 --> 00:51:31.360
because they're not who they say they are.

919
00:51:32.600 --> 00:51:35.920
So if you kind of see that that's happening

920
00:51:35.920 --> 00:51:38.860
and they're not wanting to get in front of you,

921
00:51:40.360 --> 00:51:41.580
then that's a problem.

922
00:51:42.800 --> 00:51:44.920
You can wait, maybe they're just trying to warm up

923
00:51:44.920 --> 00:51:49.920
to the idea, but don't not get in front of them,

924
00:51:50.340 --> 00:51:52.200
whether it's video or in person.

925
00:51:52.200 --> 00:51:53.360
Because what we don't want to happen

926
00:51:53.360 --> 00:51:56.080
is that you ladies get into these emotional relationships,

927
00:51:56.080 --> 00:51:58.880
these situationships, these delusionships,

928
00:51:59.960 --> 00:52:02.000
and they're not the person that they are.

929
00:52:03.240 --> 00:52:04.080
Right.

930
00:52:04.080 --> 00:52:04.920
Okay.

931
00:52:04.920 --> 00:52:06.120
It's not to scare anybody.

932
00:52:06.120 --> 00:52:10.420
It's just, we're here to help you kind of practice that.

933
00:52:10.420 --> 00:52:14.480
So that is, I think a lot of women,

934
00:52:14.480 --> 00:52:16.400
thank you so much for asking that question

935
00:52:16.400 --> 00:52:19.000
because I think a lot of the women on the call

936
00:52:19.000 --> 00:52:23.240
and in the replay will benefit from that process

937
00:52:24.080 --> 00:52:27.640
of how to ask for the video call or in-person date

938
00:52:27.640 --> 00:52:29.440
and then what to do if they don't respond

939
00:52:29.440 --> 00:52:30.940
the way that you want them to.

940
00:52:32.360 --> 00:52:34.080
And again, it's level one.

941
00:52:34.080 --> 00:52:34.920
Yeah.

942
00:52:34.920 --> 00:52:36.600
Your heart doesn't have to be invested in that.

943
00:52:36.600 --> 00:52:39.560
Doesn't mean that sometimes it's not gonna suck

944
00:52:40.840 --> 00:52:44.760
when you get hopeful and then it doesn't work out

945
00:52:44.760 --> 00:52:45.960
the way you were hoping,

946
00:52:47.000 --> 00:52:48.920
but we're not gonna carry that.

947
00:52:48.920 --> 00:52:50.360
We're not gonna start believing the lies.

948
00:52:50.360 --> 00:52:53.080
We're not gonna say, oh, men on these dating sites

949
00:52:53.800 --> 00:52:57.600
they're not real, I'm not gonna find a man on here.

950
00:52:57.600 --> 00:53:00.840
Like if you start going down this negative train,

951
00:53:00.840 --> 00:53:03.600
we gotta work on the hard work stuff.

952
00:53:03.600 --> 00:53:04.640
Okay.

953
00:53:04.640 --> 00:53:06.240
Everybody got that?

954
00:53:07.600 --> 00:53:09.700
All right, Michelle, tell us what's going on.

955
00:53:09.700 --> 00:53:10.540
Thank you, Lisa.

956
00:53:10.540 --> 00:53:11.840
I appreciate you.

957
00:53:11.840 --> 00:53:12.960
So should I, sorry,

958
00:53:12.960 --> 00:53:15.920
should I just put the video call thing in the chat?

959
00:53:15.920 --> 00:53:17.720
Like we wanted to talk about the video call.

960
00:53:17.720 --> 00:53:19.480
How did that go?

961
00:53:19.480 --> 00:53:21.120
So you did have a video to call?

962
00:53:21.120 --> 00:53:21.960
Yes, I did.

963
00:53:21.960 --> 00:53:22.800
Okay, yeah.

964
00:53:22.800 --> 00:53:23.640
Put it in the chat.

965
00:53:23.640 --> 00:53:25.560
We can always circle back around or put it in the app

966
00:53:25.560 --> 00:53:27.120
and we can go into more detail.

967
00:53:27.120 --> 00:53:29.360
I didn't realize that you had the video call with him.

968
00:53:29.360 --> 00:53:31.640
So yeah, don't get that by the end of the call.

969
00:53:31.640 --> 00:53:33.280
Cause I know we're like running low on time.

970
00:53:33.280 --> 00:53:35.600
We got about 25, 30 minutes.

971
00:53:35.600 --> 00:53:37.000
Then you can throw it in the app

972
00:53:37.000 --> 00:53:39.040
and we'll unpack it there too.

973
00:53:39.040 --> 00:53:39.920
Sounds good.

974
00:53:39.920 --> 00:53:42.680
So, sorry, just what you said about the video call.

975
00:53:42.680 --> 00:53:44.000
So can we also like ask,

976
00:53:44.000 --> 00:53:47.520
suggest the ideas of what date would we like to do?

977
00:53:47.520 --> 00:53:49.200
Like when they say sure.

978
00:53:49.200 --> 00:53:51.680
Like let's go to the bookstore or hey,

979
00:53:52.000 --> 00:53:53.400
there's this really cool ice cream shop

980
00:53:53.400 --> 00:53:56.800
that has like the best cookies and cream ice cream.

981
00:53:56.800 --> 00:53:59.240
I would love, you know, why don't we go there

982
00:53:59.240 --> 00:54:02.920
or a hike in a public place or walk around a lake

983
00:54:02.920 --> 00:54:07.400
or Jackie I know loves active dates.

984
00:54:07.400 --> 00:54:08.800
I like active dates too.

985
00:54:08.800 --> 00:54:10.040
So I'm always pushing for those.

986
00:54:10.040 --> 00:54:13.600
I kind of don't like to suggest the coffee date.

987
00:54:13.600 --> 00:54:16.320
I know other coaches do like the coffee date.

988
00:54:16.320 --> 00:54:17.920
Sometimes you have to do a coffee date

989
00:54:17.920 --> 00:54:20.200
cause that's just works for people's schedules and stuff

990
00:54:20.200 --> 00:54:21.440
and it's quick and easy.

991
00:54:22.960 --> 00:54:27.960
I like more active dates, little things to go do.

992
00:54:28.200 --> 00:54:30.520
So yeah, you can throw that out there.

993
00:54:30.520 --> 00:54:31.440
Sounds good.

994
00:54:31.440 --> 00:54:32.520
Thank you.

995
00:54:32.520 --> 00:54:33.360
You're welcome.

996
00:54:33.360 --> 00:54:34.360
Hey, Michelle.

997
00:54:34.360 --> 00:54:35.200
Hello.

998
00:54:36.080 --> 00:54:38.040
This is just a really brief response

999
00:54:38.040 --> 00:54:39.760
to the questions that you asked.

1000
00:54:39.760 --> 00:54:43.040
But I was thinking about how much like

1001
00:54:43.040 --> 00:54:45.000
it's going all over social media right now.

1002
00:54:45.000 --> 00:54:48.120
Like that phrase, like if he wanted to, he would.

1003
00:54:48.120 --> 00:54:51.920
And I think there's a lot of like, I don't know.

1004
00:54:51.920 --> 00:54:54.560
Like I've experienced a lot of fear before of like,

1005
00:54:54.560 --> 00:54:56.880
oh, if a guy is more slow moving or something,

1006
00:54:56.880 --> 00:55:00.160
like is he not, like, is he just not really.

1007
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.280
that into me. And I think that women are being kind of inundated

1008
00:55:03.360 --> 00:55:07.440
with that. And like, I even in like my small group of girls at

1009
00:55:07.440 --> 00:55:11.880
my church that are single and in their 30s. I hear that a lot of

1010
00:55:11.880 --> 00:55:15.880
like, there are just these intense expectations. That

1011
00:55:15.880 --> 00:55:19.360
sound like good God, the guys have no idea like what they

1012
00:55:19.360 --> 00:55:21.880
thought, what women think they're supposed to be doing.

1013
00:55:21.880 --> 00:55:24.560
Like my cousin, he's like, I don't want to text a girl too

1014
00:55:24.560 --> 00:55:27.680
many times. Because I don't want to bugger because he's like

1015
00:55:27.680 --> 00:55:30.400
insecure. And some of these like really nice guys are not

1016
00:55:30.400 --> 00:55:34.800
these like Casanovas that are like, exactly down and like,

1017
00:55:34.840 --> 00:55:39.800
I've always dated very love balmy guys. And so healing and

1018
00:55:39.800 --> 00:55:43.480
like dating, like I'm dating one guy right now, but like being

1019
00:55:43.480 --> 00:55:46.720
like, okay, this person is is a little bit more slow moving,

1020
00:55:46.720 --> 00:55:49.080
they are a little bit more respectful of boundaries, it

1021
00:55:49.080 --> 00:55:52.560
isn't going to feel like that constant dopamine rush. And then

1022
00:55:52.560 --> 00:55:55.720
like, it was late to call me last week, like 20 minutes. And

1023
00:55:55.720 --> 00:55:58.120
I was like, in my mind, I like had all that stuff started

1024
00:55:58.120 --> 00:56:01.680
going like that anxious of like, well, like, he really wasn't as

1025
00:56:01.680 --> 00:56:04.320
excited to talk to me as excited to talk to him, blah, blah, blah.

1026
00:56:04.720 --> 00:56:07.200
And then I found out because he's a therapist, he called me

1027
00:56:07.200 --> 00:56:10.840
is like, I'm so sorry, one of my clients was like, drunk, dealing

1028
00:56:10.840 --> 00:56:14.040
with a lot of suicidal ideation. I was on the phone with the

1029
00:56:14.040 --> 00:56:18.560
squad was like, Oh, Lord, like, I felt so silly. But anyways,

1030
00:56:18.600 --> 00:56:21.120
that was just a reflection on what you're saying of like, I

1031
00:56:21.120 --> 00:56:23.680
feel like even culturally women are being told that a lot of

1032
00:56:23.800 --> 00:56:26.480
Yeah, I love that you brought that up. And I love that you're

1033
00:56:26.480 --> 00:56:29.160
recognizing those things. And you're recognizing like, Oh,

1034
00:56:29.160 --> 00:56:32.000
gosh, why did I think that you're recognizing some of those

1035
00:56:32.000 --> 00:56:34.880
lies, ladies? And that's, that's really, really good. All right,

1036
00:56:34.880 --> 00:56:38.040
Tina, good. Good to see you. If you had a question, we didn't

1037
00:56:38.040 --> 00:56:40.440
get to it, Tina, then definitely put it in the app. And we'll

1038
00:56:40.440 --> 00:56:44.600
respond there. But yeah, Michelle, I like I, it reminds

1039
00:56:44.600 --> 00:56:48.720
me of, I'm going to date myself a little bit because I'm in my

1040
00:56:48.720 --> 00:56:53.600
40s. It was, what was that movie? It was on the tip of my

1041
00:56:53.600 --> 00:56:58.280
tongue. He's just not that into you. Like, that was the whole

1042
00:56:58.280 --> 00:57:04.200
trend. Like, when I was like, in my 20s and 30s, it was the he's

1043
00:57:04.200 --> 00:57:07.720
just not that into you. Or that if he would he want like, like

1044
00:57:07.720 --> 00:57:11.360
you said, if he wanted to, he would. And yeah, we do say that

1045
00:57:11.360 --> 00:57:15.040
we do say like, if a man's interested, he's going to show

1046
00:57:15.040 --> 00:57:18.800
his interest. But what we have to remember is his way of

1047
00:57:18.800 --> 00:57:21.280
showing interest may look differently than the way we

1048
00:57:21.280 --> 00:57:28.000
expect it. So that would be my question. What is he doing to

1049
00:57:28.000 --> 00:57:33.560
show he's interested? Is he consistent? Maybe not

1050
00:57:33.560 --> 00:57:37.400
frequently the way that we want to be consistent. But is he

1051
00:57:37.840 --> 00:57:42.400
showing up? Is he engaging in dates? Is he reciprocating? Am I

1052
00:57:42.400 --> 00:57:46.280
reciprocating? Okay, it's recognizing those anxious

1053
00:57:46.480 --> 00:57:50.360
thoughts, those anxious attachment styles, you know, and

1054
00:57:50.360 --> 00:57:53.880
so I think that's really, really good. Like, yeah, women

1055
00:57:53.880 --> 00:58:02.440
are being inundated with this. Men have to be those cast

1056
00:58:02.440 --> 00:58:06.440
anovas. And if they're not, then they don't like us. And that's

1057
00:58:06.440 --> 00:58:13.080
just simply not true. So that's why we have to, at the end of

1058
00:58:13.080 --> 00:58:19.320
the day, we ship this the end of the day, ladies, every dating

1059
00:58:19.320 --> 00:58:23.680
situation is going to be unique. We can sit here and

1060
00:58:23.680 --> 00:58:28.320
coach one thing and it will sound contradictory in another

1061
00:58:28.360 --> 00:58:33.680
situation. Okay, several months ago, we had one woman in our

1062
00:58:33.680 --> 00:58:37.400
community and she's like, I'm being told this and then I'm

1063
00:58:37.400 --> 00:58:40.120
being told the opposite here and she's like, it's just confusing

1064
00:58:40.120 --> 00:58:43.520
and nothing's in line. And we had to unpack that with our

1065
00:58:43.520 --> 00:58:47.080
community of ladies where it's what every situation is uniquely

1066
00:58:47.080 --> 00:58:51.120
different. And if you're an anxious attacher, our advice is

1067
00:58:51.120 --> 00:58:53.840
going to look different than for those that are might be an

1068
00:58:53.840 --> 00:58:56.600
avoidant attacher. And it's gonna look different than if

1069
00:58:56.600 --> 00:58:59.840
you're a secure attacher, or if you're a combination of anxious

1070
00:58:59.840 --> 00:59:04.360
and avoidant. So it's every situation is uniquely different.

1071
00:59:04.400 --> 00:59:08.360
And so it's, again, it's recognizing what are the

1072
00:59:08.360 --> 00:59:11.720
thoughts, what are the lies replacing it with the truth, you

1073
00:59:11.720 --> 00:59:15.840
know, recognizing Oh, I think this guy is not like me because

1074
00:59:15.840 --> 00:59:19.120
he's not doing this XYZ. Is it because he doesn't like me? Or

1075
00:59:19.120 --> 00:59:23.880
am I having this expectation or this entitlement? Like, what does

1076
00:59:23.880 --> 00:59:28.680
it look like? And ladies, if you come here, and we unpack these

1077
00:59:28.680 --> 00:59:32.960
things, and you bring these situations up, coaches in this

1078
00:59:32.960 --> 00:59:36.840
community, we've, we're trained to be able to kind of recognize

1079
00:59:36.840 --> 00:59:40.680
doesn't mean that we get it right all the time. But we've

1080
00:59:40.680 --> 00:59:45.640
seen it over years and years and years of dating and experience

1081
00:59:45.640 --> 00:59:48.840
it ourselves that sometimes we can pick up on those things as

1082
00:59:48.840 --> 00:59:52.320
well and help you through that. And again, as long as ladies

1083
00:59:52.360 --> 00:59:56.440
partnering with Holy Spirit coming to alignment with Holy

1084
00:59:56.440 --> 00:59:59.920
Spirit, what God wants for you will be good. So I

1085
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.760
love that these are things that you're recognizing, Michelle,

1086
01:00:04.760 --> 01:00:06.760
and it's going to help you in your relationship

1087
01:00:06.760 --> 01:00:08.800
that you're in right now.

1088
01:00:08.800 --> 01:00:10.640
Because yours is unique.

1089
01:00:10.640 --> 01:00:13.120
You guys are a little bit long distance.

1090
01:00:13.120 --> 01:00:14.180
He has children.

1091
01:00:14.180 --> 01:00:14.840
He's divorced.

1092
01:00:17.480 --> 01:00:18.800
He's a therapist.

1093
01:00:18.800 --> 01:00:21.880
He's got a pretty demanding job.

1094
01:00:21.880 --> 01:00:25.380
But it sounds like he's been very consistent showing up.

1095
01:00:25.380 --> 01:00:26.840
But it's looked a little different.

1096
01:00:26.840 --> 01:00:28.240
Yeah.

1097
01:00:28.240 --> 01:00:31.280
And you're doing wonderful with it.

1098
01:00:31.280 --> 01:00:31.880
You're coming.

1099
01:00:31.880 --> 01:00:32.620
You're showing up.

1100
01:00:32.620 --> 01:00:35.200
You're getting coaching.

1101
01:00:35.200 --> 01:00:40.120
And you're not getting out in your head all the time.

1102
01:00:40.120 --> 01:00:41.280
You're doing well.

1103
01:00:41.280 --> 01:00:42.840
You're doing really, really well.

1104
01:00:42.840 --> 01:00:44.760
Thank you.

1105
01:00:44.760 --> 01:00:45.400
Awesome.

1106
01:00:45.400 --> 01:00:45.920
All right.

1107
01:00:45.920 --> 01:00:47.160
Liza, I see your hand's still up.

1108
01:00:47.160 --> 01:00:47.920
But I think maybe you just didn't

1109
01:00:47.920 --> 01:00:48.960
take your avatar hand on.

1110
01:00:48.960 --> 01:00:52.960
So I'm going to move to Karina.

1111
01:00:52.960 --> 01:00:53.460
Hello.

1112
01:00:53.460 --> 01:00:54.720
Hey, girl.

1113
01:00:54.720 --> 01:00:55.220
Hi.

1114
01:00:55.260 --> 01:00:59.860
So pretty new to this Accelerator story.

1115
01:00:59.860 --> 01:01:05.100
But so I started talking to this guy last Thursday.

1116
01:01:05.100 --> 01:01:07.540
Last week was when I started dating again.

1117
01:01:07.540 --> 01:01:09.860
So I started talking to this guy on Thursday.

1118
01:01:09.860 --> 01:01:11.740
We met through an Instagram post,

1119
01:01:11.740 --> 01:01:13.740
like this Christian dating thing.

1120
01:01:13.740 --> 01:01:18.900
But so it was going pretty good until, I believe,

1121
01:01:18.900 --> 01:01:20.780
Saturday night.

1122
01:01:20.780 --> 01:01:25.060
We ended up talking about drinking.

1123
01:01:25.060 --> 01:01:26.180
I don't drink.

1124
01:01:26.180 --> 01:01:27.340
My dad was not drinking.

1125
01:01:27.340 --> 01:01:30.580
So I feel like that kind of triggered something.

1126
01:01:30.580 --> 01:01:34.540
And it made me freak out a little bit.

1127
01:01:34.540 --> 01:01:38.120
So the next day, because it was pretty late,

1128
01:01:38.120 --> 01:01:39.700
so we didn't finish that conversation.

1129
01:01:39.700 --> 01:01:41.660
So the next morning, I was just kind of praying.

1130
01:01:41.660 --> 01:01:44.860
But I think I was just really scared about it.

1131
01:01:44.860 --> 01:01:46.180
And then later, I got my period.

1132
01:01:46.180 --> 01:01:47.660
So I'm like, oh, I know what now.

1133
01:01:47.660 --> 01:01:51.220
But at the same time, it was like a fear anyway,

1134
01:01:51.220 --> 01:01:53.020
like a real fear anyway.

1135
01:01:53.020 --> 01:01:54.620
So I ended up ending it with him.

1136
01:01:55.380 --> 01:01:56.620
I don't think I could do this.

1137
01:01:56.620 --> 01:01:57.540
I'm sorry, blah, blah.

1138
01:01:57.540 --> 01:01:59.100
He was pretty understanding.

1139
01:01:59.100 --> 01:02:03.180
But I got so emotional that I realized, you know what?

1140
01:02:03.180 --> 01:02:04.500
I think I'm getting my period.

1141
01:02:04.500 --> 01:02:06.460
And I think I'm going to just not.

1142
01:02:06.460 --> 01:02:08.140
I don't know if this was the right thing.

1143
01:02:08.140 --> 01:02:09.580
I didn't have peace about it.

1144
01:02:09.580 --> 01:02:12.220
So I did speak to a friend and my mom.

1145
01:02:12.220 --> 01:02:13.980
They're both Christians.

1146
01:02:13.980 --> 01:02:14.980
So I spoke to them.

1147
01:02:14.980 --> 01:02:16.300
And they both pretty much told me

1148
01:02:16.300 --> 01:02:21.500
they thought I was a little too quick to end things.

1149
01:02:21.500 --> 01:02:23.900
And reminded me, you know what?

1150
01:02:23.900 --> 01:02:29.060
Not everybody drinks to get drunk.

1151
01:02:29.060 --> 01:02:31.460
So they reminded me this is something

1152
01:02:31.460 --> 01:02:34.900
that you need to let go of this fear of repeating the past

1153
01:02:34.900 --> 01:02:37.660
and being in a relationship with an alcoholic and all that

1154
01:02:37.660 --> 01:02:38.660
stuff.

1155
01:02:38.660 --> 01:02:41.940
So they both encouraged me to reach out, apologize,

1156
01:02:41.940 --> 01:02:44.980
and see if he'd be willing to keep knowing each other.

1157
01:02:44.980 --> 01:02:46.180
So I did.

1158
01:02:46.180 --> 01:02:47.380
He was very understanding.

1159
01:02:47.380 --> 01:02:49.180
He was willing to do that.

1160
01:02:49.180 --> 01:02:52.740
And that was yesterday morning.

1161
01:02:52.740 --> 01:02:55.940
Prior to yesterday morning, he was asking a lot of questions,

1162
01:02:55.940 --> 01:02:57.140
very engaged.

1163
01:02:57.140 --> 01:03:01.620
As of yesterday, I was noticing he was answering still.

1164
01:03:01.620 --> 01:03:04.020
But he wasn't asking any questions.

1165
01:03:04.020 --> 01:03:07.700
I was the one asking all the questions.

1166
01:03:07.700 --> 01:03:11.420
And we had talked about doing a FaceTime.

1167
01:03:11.420 --> 01:03:13.180
But he just said yes.

1168
01:03:13.180 --> 01:03:15.380
He didn't ask when or anything like that.

1169
01:03:15.380 --> 01:03:17.060
So I ended up asking him, hey, how

1170
01:03:17.060 --> 01:03:18.420
are you feeling about the FaceTime?

1171
01:03:18.420 --> 01:03:20.040
Is that something you still want to do?

1172
01:03:20.040 --> 01:03:21.100
I asked him today.

1173
01:03:21.100 --> 01:03:23.660
And he answered definitely, but I'm with a doctor.

1174
01:03:23.660 --> 01:03:25.660
So I'll get back to you.

1175
01:03:25.660 --> 01:03:27.020
OK.

1176
01:03:27.020 --> 01:03:30.060
But I think I'm doing what you mentioned,

1177
01:03:30.060 --> 01:03:35.380
which is the expecting the people he needs to ask me

1178
01:03:35.380 --> 01:03:38.020
questions back to and like before.

1179
01:03:38.020 --> 01:03:40.340
And I don't know.

1180
01:03:40.340 --> 01:03:43.220
I think it's my fear of either one.

1181
01:03:43.220 --> 01:03:47.140
He got guarded after the me, you saying never mind.

1182
01:03:47.140 --> 01:03:49.220
Yeah, now you're kind of going in your head.

1183
01:03:49.220 --> 01:03:51.020
You got some of those anxious thoughts like,

1184
01:03:51.020 --> 01:03:52.660
oh my goodness, I pulled the trigger.

1185
01:03:52.660 --> 01:03:53.860
I didn't have peace about it.

1186
01:03:53.860 --> 01:03:55.060
Now I'm coming over here.

1187
01:03:55.060 --> 01:03:56.740
And I'm not really sure.

1188
01:03:56.740 --> 01:03:59.180
And he's probably trying to figure out it too.

1189
01:03:59.180 --> 01:04:01.980
And you're just in your head.

1190
01:04:01.980 --> 01:04:03.380
I was always in my head, y'all.

1191
01:04:03.380 --> 01:04:05.420
I still am always sometimes in my head.

1192
01:04:05.420 --> 01:04:07.300
So yeah, I think you're learning.

1193
01:04:07.300 --> 01:04:14.060
I think let's look at what is this opportunity, what

1194
01:04:14.060 --> 01:04:16.380
growth is coming is one.

1195
01:04:16.380 --> 01:04:20.940
You're recognizing that there's probably some fear that

1196
01:04:20.940 --> 01:04:24.900
some lies that you're believing about repeating past.

1197
01:04:24.900 --> 01:04:27.100
And I can relate to that because I

1198
01:04:27.100 --> 01:04:30.740
had a very traumatic relationship in my 20s

1199
01:04:30.740 --> 01:04:32.980
with a drug addict and alcoholic.

1200
01:04:32.980 --> 01:04:34.660
So that was always a concern of mine

1201
01:04:34.660 --> 01:04:36.260
as well that I was going to find myself

1202
01:04:36.260 --> 01:04:39.860
in a relationship with someone that abused alcohol or drugs.

1203
01:04:39.860 --> 01:04:42.500
And this was kind of was always like a non-negotiable for me.

1204
01:04:42.500 --> 01:04:45.060
But I also knew like I can have drinks

1205
01:04:45.060 --> 01:04:47.540
and I'm not drinking to get drunk.

1206
01:04:47.540 --> 01:04:49.180
I don't abuse alcohol.

1207
01:04:49.180 --> 01:04:52.460
I can manage my alcohol responsibly.

1208
01:04:52.460 --> 01:04:56.540
Not everybody can, but a lot of people can.

1209
01:04:56.540 --> 01:04:59.900
And so it's recognizing, OK, those

1210
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.320
just going to be things that this is why you pace yourself in a relationship.

1211
01:05:05.040 --> 01:05:08.360
If he likes to drink, great. Now you're going to just kind of be,

1212
01:05:08.880 --> 01:05:13.640
as you get to know him, see how he is in situations when he's drinking.

1213
01:05:14.040 --> 01:05:15.440
Does he go overboard?

1214
01:05:16.000 --> 01:05:20.640
Is there times where he's like always needing to drink?

1215
01:05:21.120 --> 01:05:23.880
Is there ever opportunities where he's like, no, I don't want to drink.

1216
01:05:23.880 --> 01:05:26.920
I don't need a drink. Like you're going to look for those opportunities, right?

1217
01:05:26.920 --> 01:05:31.000
So you've learned that now, whether or not you continue with this guy or not,

1218
01:05:31.040 --> 01:05:35.480
but you can know that other guys that you date that might have a similar thing.

1219
01:05:35.640 --> 01:05:37.440
You don't have to be so afraid of it.

1220
01:05:37.960 --> 01:05:40.200
You have a community that's here to support you.

1221
01:05:40.760 --> 01:05:42.920
You have a God that's here to protect you.

1222
01:05:43.600 --> 01:05:48.600
You can recognize what lies you're believing and then replace them with the

1223
01:05:48.760 --> 01:05:51.240
truth. So now it's okay.

1224
01:05:51.240 --> 01:05:55.760
What do you do with now that you're messaging back the,

1225
01:05:55.760 --> 01:05:59.840
that you suggested the FaceTime ladies, when you suggest FaceTimes,

1226
01:05:59.880 --> 01:06:03.360
I want you all to take this in consideration. Okay.

1227
01:06:03.360 --> 01:06:05.360
And you can't go and replay it, Karina.

1228
01:06:05.360 --> 01:06:07.440
So don't feel like you messed anything up. Okay.

1229
01:06:07.440 --> 01:06:09.280
You can't mess up your spirit mate if he is.

1230
01:06:09.720 --> 01:06:14.080
And if he doesn't pull the trigger,

1231
01:06:14.560 --> 01:06:17.160
he wasn't your spirit mate and that's fine too.

1232
01:06:17.640 --> 01:06:21.440
So when you ladies throw out the invitation to do a video call,

1233
01:06:22.120 --> 01:06:23.840
you can say something like, Hey,

1234
01:06:23.840 --> 01:06:27.440
why don't we jump on FaceTime or something so that we can, you know,

1235
01:06:27.920 --> 01:06:30.880
see each other face to face? What do you think about that?

1236
01:06:31.200 --> 01:06:33.920
If they're like, yeah, that's cool. Be like, awesome.

1237
01:06:34.520 --> 01:06:37.760
I'm free this day and this day at this time,

1238
01:06:38.200 --> 01:06:43.200
would either of those times work with you give if they're not coming back?

1239
01:06:43.200 --> 01:06:45.640
Oh yeah. How about, I can call you right now.

1240
01:06:45.640 --> 01:06:47.200
If they're not responding like that,

1241
01:06:47.240 --> 01:06:49.760
I can call you right now. If they're not responding like that,

1242
01:06:50.160 --> 01:06:55.160
then you can respond and give them a couple of days to see what's in their

1243
01:06:57.480 --> 01:07:00.800
schedule. Like, Hey, I'm free Saturday to jump on a call.

1244
01:07:00.800 --> 01:07:03.840
Would you want to do that? Does that day work for you? If not,

1245
01:07:03.840 --> 01:07:04.880
what day does work for you?

1246
01:07:06.040 --> 01:07:06.360
Yeah.

1247
01:07:06.360 --> 01:07:10.960
You see how you're asking a question and it's actually requiring that response

1248
01:07:11.080 --> 01:07:15.240
back. So we're going to over communicate. We're going to over,

1249
01:07:15.680 --> 01:07:18.280
we're not just going to say, Oh, do you want to do FaceTime? Yeah.

1250
01:07:21.120 --> 01:07:23.720
Okay. Who wants to start it? You know, right.

1251
01:07:24.080 --> 01:07:29.080
So those are some tricks that you can do is I always say offer times.

1252
01:07:30.760 --> 01:07:33.720
Yeah. And offer times, give them an option. Give them, I was, I mean,

1253
01:07:33.720 --> 01:07:34.760
I used to do this with my,

1254
01:07:34.760 --> 01:07:37.960
when my son was younger and he was like a toddler, I'd be like,

1255
01:07:38.240 --> 01:07:41.840
do you want to do this or do you want to do this? Which one works best for you?

1256
01:07:42.400 --> 01:07:47.480
I gave him two choices. So he had to choose something. And then as he got older,

1257
01:07:47.480 --> 01:07:50.960
if neither of those choices worked for him, then he'd give me a third choice.

1258
01:07:50.960 --> 01:07:53.640
And if it worked for me, I'd be like, okay, cool. If it didn't, I'd be like, no,

1259
01:07:53.680 --> 01:07:55.520
you have to choose these two choices. I mean,

1260
01:07:55.520 --> 01:07:57.640
obviously I'm talking about my kid here. So,

1261
01:07:57.640 --> 01:08:02.640
but you see like you give people the option and then they get to decide if it's

1262
01:08:03.200 --> 01:08:08.200
not, if those options don't work, then they can communicate which options do.

1263
01:08:09.000 --> 01:08:13.040
If they don't, they're like, yeah, no, neither of those times work. Okay.

1264
01:08:13.040 --> 01:08:14.280
Well, when would work for you?

1265
01:08:17.160 --> 01:08:21.840
And then if they kind of still keep dodging it, then be like,

1266
01:08:21.880 --> 01:08:26.120
all right, well, if you change your mind, reach out to me,

1267
01:08:26.399 --> 01:08:29.040
best of luck. Okay.

1268
01:08:29.920 --> 01:08:30.279
If you,

1269
01:08:30.279 --> 01:08:33.680
if you feel like they're just not reciprocating and they're just not really

1270
01:08:33.680 --> 01:08:37.880
on board with it, you can be the, like I said, you can just say, okay,

1271
01:08:37.880 --> 01:08:40.479
well I understand maybe that's not going to work.

1272
01:08:40.520 --> 01:08:43.880
Maybe we can meet in person or, you know,

1273
01:08:43.920 --> 01:08:46.680
get back to me next week when a time might be good for you.

1274
01:08:47.439 --> 01:08:52.120
And you don't have to keep engaging and then let them decide when to reach back

1275
01:08:52.120 --> 01:08:56.120
out to you to initiate that. But that's why I was telling Lisa,

1276
01:08:56.160 --> 01:08:58.800
you don't want to always come out the gate with that.

1277
01:08:58.840 --> 01:09:03.200
You want to have some interaction, ask them questions,

1278
01:09:03.760 --> 01:09:06.840
find out what some of their interests are so that there's at least something

1279
01:09:06.840 --> 01:09:11.640
that maybe you can find a common ground to have a conversation with.

1280
01:09:12.319 --> 01:09:15.720
So if you've been able to reciprocate a couple back and forth,

1281
01:09:16.439 --> 01:09:21.240
then you have a starting point when you do get live on a video

1282
01:09:21.240 --> 01:09:25.520
or in person with being able to have a conversation. Does that make sense?

1283
01:09:26.319 --> 01:09:30.240
It does. With him though, we are long distance. It's like five hours.

1284
01:09:31.319 --> 01:09:34.479
So yeah, you're going to want to do those video calls for sure.

1285
01:09:34.640 --> 01:09:38.520
Like get a video call within the week. If he's not,

1286
01:09:38.800 --> 01:09:42.479
and from some dates, if he doesn't pick those, you just,

1287
01:09:42.920 --> 01:09:45.720
you're moving on. You're still, and again, this is ladies,

1288
01:09:45.720 --> 01:09:50.240
why we really encourage you to continue to keep getting to know people

1289
01:09:51.359 --> 01:09:56.200
just because there's some potential promise doesn't mean that we hold unless

1290
01:09:56.200 --> 01:10:00.000
we're so unindated with several conversations.

1291
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.560
several guys trying to juggle it,

1292
01:10:01.560 --> 01:10:02.800
like I don't want you ladies juggling

1293
01:10:02.800 --> 01:10:04.920
more than two or three guys at a time,

1294
01:10:04.920 --> 01:10:09.000
because that can get overwhelming and time-consuming.

1295
01:10:09.000 --> 01:10:10.120
All right, y'all have lives.

1296
01:10:10.120 --> 01:10:13.840
We also still want you to go out and enjoy your life.

1297
01:10:13.840 --> 01:10:15.920
Do life, okay?

1298
01:10:17.080 --> 01:10:19.080
Does that help, Karina?

1299
01:10:19.080 --> 01:10:21.720
It does, but how do you deal with the,

1300
01:10:21.720 --> 01:10:25.720
how to differentiate versus he's just lost interest

1301
01:10:25.720 --> 01:10:27.080
and that's why he's not asking questions

1302
01:10:27.080 --> 01:10:28.640
versus I'm just in my head?

1303
01:10:29.520 --> 01:10:32.120
You're just gonna have to kind of just pace it out.

1304
01:10:33.960 --> 01:10:37.880
You know, engage, it's reciprocating.

1305
01:10:37.880 --> 01:10:39.840
Reciprocate efforts.

1306
01:10:39.840 --> 01:10:40.760
Reach out to him,

1307
01:10:40.760 --> 01:10:43.280
but don't always be the one reaching out to him.

1308
01:10:43.280 --> 01:10:44.840
Yeah. See if he reaches out.

1309
01:10:44.840 --> 01:10:49.840
He answers pretty well and he's a teacher,

1310
01:10:50.600 --> 01:10:52.160
so he has summer off,

1311
01:10:52.160 --> 01:10:55.160
so he responds pretty consistently.

1312
01:10:55.160 --> 01:10:56.040
Yeah.

1313
01:10:56.040 --> 01:10:57.240
But I did notice yesterday

1314
01:10:57.280 --> 01:10:58.920
that he was not asking questions

1315
01:10:58.920 --> 01:11:00.560
and prior to that he was.

1316
01:11:00.560 --> 01:11:02.080
Well, he could be busy.

1317
01:11:02.080 --> 01:11:04.640
Again, we don't, try not to get so in our head.

1318
01:11:04.640 --> 01:11:05.480
Again, don't think,

1319
01:11:05.480 --> 01:11:06.720
oh, he's got to respond the way

1320
01:11:06.720 --> 01:11:09.040
that I want him to respond.

1321
01:11:09.960 --> 01:11:12.240
That's, again, some of that's that anxious attachment.

1322
01:11:12.240 --> 01:11:15.040
So I would ask you to spend some time

1323
01:11:15.040 --> 01:11:18.800
and recognize what are some core beliefs

1324
01:11:18.800 --> 01:11:23.720
that you're believing that come up and surface

1325
01:11:23.720 --> 01:11:26.200
when he's not responding that way.

1326
01:11:26.200 --> 01:11:29.520
And then let's unpack that

1327
01:11:29.520 --> 01:11:31.760
and see what's the theme here,

1328
01:11:31.760 --> 01:11:32.840
what's the lie,

1329
01:11:32.840 --> 01:11:37.080
and what is actually the truth, okay?

1330
01:11:37.080 --> 01:11:39.960
So spend time that week just recognizing that.

1331
01:11:41.280 --> 01:11:43.080
All right, I'm going to move on to Sandy

1332
01:11:43.080 --> 01:11:44.520
and then Sarah.

1333
01:11:44.520 --> 01:11:47.160
Oops, Stephanie, you're unmuted.

1334
01:11:47.160 --> 01:11:51.320
I'm going to find something new tomorrow.

1335
01:11:51.320 --> 01:11:52.520
I don't know what.

1336
01:11:52.520 --> 01:11:53.960
Is it going to rain?

1337
01:11:56.280 --> 01:11:58.440
Stephanie, you're kind of cutting in and out.

1338
01:11:58.440 --> 01:12:00.360
I don't know if you meant to unmute.

1339
01:12:03.120 --> 01:12:04.440
I don't know.

1340
01:12:05.760 --> 01:12:06.600
You can send it back.

1341
01:12:06.600 --> 01:12:07.440
What about if he doesn't,

1342
01:12:07.440 --> 01:12:09.280
do you want to save it?

1343
01:12:09.280 --> 01:12:10.120
You can.

1344
01:12:10.120 --> 01:12:11.760
It's going to be hard.

1345
01:12:11.760 --> 01:12:13.440
Okay, I got to figure out.

1346
01:12:13.440 --> 01:12:15.200
Stephanie, I'm going to have to mute you

1347
01:12:15.200 --> 01:12:17.760
and I'm trying to figure out.

1348
01:12:20.200 --> 01:12:21.040
Sorry, ladies.

1349
01:12:21.040 --> 01:12:22.640
Is Stocks next to her name?

1350
01:12:24.120 --> 01:12:26.120
Yes, thank you.

1351
01:12:26.840 --> 01:12:27.680
Got it.

1352
01:12:27.680 --> 01:12:28.520
Thank you so much, Sandy.

1353
01:12:28.520 --> 01:12:29.360
I appreciate it.

1354
01:12:29.360 --> 01:12:30.200
I never had to do that before.

1355
01:12:30.200 --> 01:12:31.040
Yeah, I do.

1356
01:12:31.040 --> 01:12:32.400
Okay, yeah, I'm going to go Sandy and then Sarah.

1357
01:12:32.400 --> 01:12:34.200
And then I just had to laugh

1358
01:12:34.200 --> 01:12:35.800
because Lori shared in the chat,

1359
01:12:35.800 --> 01:12:37.160
her 13 year old was asking

1360
01:12:37.160 --> 01:12:38.200
what's a good dating agent?

1361
01:12:38.200 --> 01:12:39.520
He told her 25.

1362
01:12:39.520 --> 01:12:41.120
I love you, Lori.

1363
01:12:41.120 --> 01:12:44.280
I get my kids are nine, 13, and 15.

1364
01:12:44.280 --> 01:12:46.680
And my 13 year old daughter is always wanting to know.

1365
01:12:46.680 --> 01:12:49.920
And her dad and I decided for our kids

1366
01:12:49.920 --> 01:12:52.240
that our kids are just not going to date till they're 18.

1367
01:12:52.240 --> 01:12:55.800
Our pastors did not let their kids date till they were 18.

1368
01:12:56.480 --> 01:12:57.320
And so I love it.

1369
01:12:57.320 --> 01:12:58.640
I love that you had that question.

1370
01:12:58.640 --> 01:12:59.640
It made me laugh.

1371
01:12:59.640 --> 01:13:02.680
So, all right, Sandy, you're up girl.

1372
01:13:03.960 --> 01:13:05.760
Yeah, so I've been,

1373
01:13:07.760 --> 01:13:10.840
so before I joined last year's single,

1374
01:13:10.840 --> 01:13:12.960
I had been like deep in prayer

1375
01:13:12.960 --> 01:13:14.840
about like my dating life and stuff.

1376
01:13:14.840 --> 01:13:16.360
And I was on all these dating apps

1377
01:13:16.360 --> 01:13:20.280
and I really felt like I heard from Holy Spirit

1378
01:13:20.280 --> 01:13:21.960
to like delete all the apps

1379
01:13:21.960 --> 01:13:24.520
and just like stand in like faith

1380
01:13:24.520 --> 01:13:27.000
that God had it handled, right?

1381
01:13:27.000 --> 01:13:30.160
And then I got a word at church, like a prophetic word,

1382
01:13:30.160 --> 01:13:33.120
and it was Ruth, like three, 10, and 11.

1383
01:13:33.120 --> 01:13:35.080
And basically saying like, you've been faithful.

1384
01:13:35.080 --> 01:13:36.160
Like, I got it.

1385
01:13:36.160 --> 01:13:39.120
Like, just focus on like what I want you to do

1386
01:13:39.120 --> 01:13:42.720
and like, don't worry about trying to find a husband.

1387
01:13:42.720 --> 01:13:44.560
And so then I joined last,

1388
01:13:44.560 --> 01:13:46.200
and I had just joined last year's single.

1389
01:13:46.200 --> 01:13:48.240
So I was like, wait, I just joined this group.

1390
01:13:48.240 --> 01:13:49.480
Like, what am I supposed to do?

1391
01:13:49.480 --> 01:13:50.600
What do you mean don't look?

1392
01:13:50.600 --> 01:13:52.840
And so I've like been praying about it

1393
01:13:52.840 --> 01:13:54.560
and I deleted all the apps.

1394
01:13:54.560 --> 01:13:57.680
Well, I hadn't really deleted them, I think.

1395
01:13:59.160 --> 01:14:00.240
Well, I had the word.

1396
01:14:00.240 --> 01:14:01.640
I deleted them, I think, after the word.

1397
01:14:01.640 --> 01:14:04.000
But even before the word, I was chatting with this nice guy

1398
01:14:04.000 --> 01:14:04.840
and there was really no,

1399
01:14:04.840 --> 01:14:07.080
like I didn't see any like red flags or anything.

1400
01:14:07.080 --> 01:14:08.200
But as I was chatting with him,

1401
01:14:08.200 --> 01:14:09.400
I felt like Holy Spirit was like,

1402
01:14:09.400 --> 01:14:12.080
why don't you trust me that I have it handled?

1403
01:14:12.080 --> 01:14:13.000
And I was like, wait.

1404
01:14:13.000 --> 01:14:15.480
And it was like, usually if I'm cooking,

1405
01:14:15.480 --> 01:14:16.440
that's when I hear Holy Spirit,

1406
01:14:16.440 --> 01:14:18.640
or gardening, because that's when my brain is quiet.

1407
01:14:18.640 --> 01:14:19.920
And I really felt it strong.

1408
01:14:19.920 --> 01:14:21.560
And so now that I'm in this section,

1409
01:14:21.560 --> 01:14:22.680
I'm like really struggling.

1410
01:14:22.680 --> 01:14:25.560
I'm like, do I download the apps?

1411
01:14:25.560 --> 01:14:27.840
Do I try it now?

1412
01:14:27.840 --> 01:14:30.240
Like, is it different now?

1413
01:14:30.240 --> 01:14:33.120
Or do I just keep like going out

1414
01:14:33.120 --> 01:14:35.080
and like trying something in the wild?

1415
01:14:35.080 --> 01:14:35.920
Because that's-

1416
01:14:35.920 --> 01:14:37.120
Let me ask you the question.

1417
01:14:37.120 --> 01:14:40.160
When you hear this voice that says, trust me,

1418
01:14:41.120 --> 01:14:42.640
I thought I had it handled.

1419
01:14:42.640 --> 01:14:45.640
Do you feel any shame or guilt with it?

1420
01:14:45.640 --> 01:14:49.360
Does it give you any anxiousness when you hear it?

1421
01:14:50.920 --> 01:14:53.160
Well, yeah, it makes me feel like I'm being disobedient.

1422
01:14:53.160 --> 01:14:54.000
Yeah.

1423
01:14:54.000 --> 01:14:54.840
Okay.

1424
01:14:54.840 --> 01:14:59.840
I would question whether or not that you're...

1425
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.940
Hearing it correctly. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah, it cuz here's the thing

1426
01:15:05.640 --> 01:15:08.600
One thing that just came up when you were sharing this

1427
01:15:10.120 --> 01:15:12.580
Was a tea like tea

1428
01:15:13.800 --> 01:15:15.800
teaching that Jackie often shares is

1429
01:15:17.280 --> 01:15:21.680
And you'll hear her talk about this when you know, she talks about how we put ourselves in the waiting room

1430
01:15:22.440 --> 01:15:28.200
Mm-hmm, or we pray for things to happen, but then we don't put actions to our prayers, right?

1431
01:15:28.560 --> 01:15:35.360
We can trust God and partner with him so there's but we have action steps, too

1432
01:15:36.240 --> 01:15:38.240
It doesn't mean that

1433
01:15:38.320 --> 01:15:41.280
We only get our prayers answered if we do this

1434
01:15:42.480 --> 01:15:47.640
It's I'm gonna partner with you God, and it's following the peace

1435
01:15:48.720 --> 01:15:55.280
So I would spend time just saying okay God like I'm not sure what to do here about the dating apps

1436
01:15:55.800 --> 01:15:59.560
I'm gonna do it and if it's not something that I'm supposed to do

1437
01:15:59.560 --> 01:16:03.380
I need you to to be gentle and show me that it's not something I'm supposed to do

1438
01:16:03.560 --> 01:16:07.280
But I I want to caution like I would just caution

1439
01:16:08.200 --> 01:16:10.200
the

1440
01:16:11.520 --> 01:16:14.080
Not partnering does that make sense

1441
01:16:15.560 --> 01:16:17.560
Yeah, I guess

1442
01:16:17.760 --> 01:16:22.680
Go ahead right now. I'm like involved in this like evangelism ministry

1443
01:16:22.680 --> 01:16:25.880
and I felt like he was wanting me to like

1444
01:16:26.400 --> 01:16:34.080
focus on that on like what I'm coming down the pipeline and not be so obsessed with like finding a partner and I so

1445
01:16:34.080 --> 01:16:36.840
that's why when I felt like the voice was like

1446
01:16:37.240 --> 01:16:42.840
because I think the reason I felt it that way is because I tend to be a control freak and I try and control the

1447
01:16:43.040 --> 01:16:46.160
Situations and I'm starting to learn that like well

1448
01:16:46.160 --> 01:16:49.640
One of the things I learned in the hard work was that I can control me

1449
01:16:49.640 --> 01:16:55.800
But I can't control how other people feel I can't control what they do kind of like what you touched on today. Yeah

1450
01:16:56.800 --> 01:17:00.680
When I was like in this dating app and I was like getting all frustrated like man

1451
01:17:00.680 --> 01:17:04.840
I don't like anybody on here and I was and then when I did I was

1452
01:17:05.200 --> 01:17:12.120
Trying to control like everything like I was wanting to control the date. I was wanting to control like how we that's what I would say

1453
01:17:12.120 --> 01:17:17.920
Yeah, give yourself some space collect yourself. You want to have peace when you enter into this?

1454
01:17:17.920 --> 01:17:23.240
So if God is highlighting this evangelist stuff that you're working on put your focus there

1455
01:17:23.240 --> 01:17:26.480
It doesn't mean that you have to shut the door on dating

1456
01:17:26.480 --> 01:17:30.640
It just might mean you're not gonna invest as much time on the apps

1457
01:17:30.640 --> 01:17:33.920
You might just go in there once a week and be like, okay God

1458
01:17:33.920 --> 01:17:35.200
I'm just gonna go on this once a week

1459
01:17:35.200 --> 01:17:38.280
But I'm gonna put my focus here because I think that's what you're calling me to do

1460
01:17:38.320 --> 01:17:44.280
And here's the thing one thing that I like to use this analogy. I really always love thinking as God as a GPS

1461
01:17:44.840 --> 01:17:51.080
Like y'all like nowadays, I mean I always drive with my GPS I live in like the Dallas-Fort Worth area

1462
01:17:51.640 --> 01:17:58.400
Metroplex, it's like just crazy traffic. Like I'm always having to put my GPS on because I need one

1463
01:17:58.400 --> 01:18:01.720
I don't know the area still because I moved here from Florida

1464
01:18:02.120 --> 01:18:07.160
But if I'm going the wrong way, you want to know what happens I get rerouted

1465
01:18:08.600 --> 01:18:10.600
or

1466
01:18:11.560 --> 01:18:15.720
GPS shows me three different ways and I get to choose which way

1467
01:18:16.040 --> 01:18:21.080
So I like thinking of God as a GPS is that I'm a partner with him

1468
01:18:21.720 --> 01:18:26.160
He's not going to lead me the wrong way. He's gonna get me to my destination

1469
01:18:27.400 --> 01:18:29.400
He's gonna guide me

1470
01:18:30.080 --> 01:18:33.520
But as long as I'm partnering with him and paying attention to my GPS

1471
01:18:34.160 --> 01:18:36.160
right, but I

1472
01:18:36.400 --> 01:18:39.120
Don't need to put I want to I always

1473
01:18:39.800 --> 01:18:41.800
want to follow peace

1474
01:18:42.000 --> 01:18:48.960
so that's where I will coach you on is follow peace if you're getting these ancients a

1475
01:18:49.360 --> 01:18:50.920
anxious thoughts

1476
01:18:50.920 --> 01:18:54.440
Then let's figure out where those are from what's coming up

1477
01:18:54.440 --> 01:18:57.880
What lies are you believing and then start replacing it with truth?

1478
01:18:57.880 --> 01:19:02.200
I don't like or just me wanting to make sure I'm being obedient and not

1479
01:19:02.760 --> 01:19:07.800
Leaning on my own understanding because that's the default for me is to just do what I want to do

1480
01:19:07.800 --> 01:19:11.600
And so that's why I get I don't want to I don't want to call it anxious

1481
01:19:11.600 --> 01:19:17.880
I want to call it more like I'm just trying to I'm just extra cautious. I feel okay, so

1482
01:19:19.840 --> 01:19:22.840
What happens when you're not obedient

1483
01:19:26.560 --> 01:19:31.600
Well, I mean I wasn't obedient for years and I was I want to say like I was like feeling like I was living in

1484
01:19:31.600 --> 01:19:34.200
A pit, you know, just not in a good space. So

1485
01:19:34.720 --> 01:19:36.720
Did you stay there?

1486
01:19:36.760 --> 01:19:38.760
Well, no, I didn't

1487
01:19:40.120 --> 01:19:43.520
Just guess what sometimes we make mistakes sometimes

1488
01:19:44.160 --> 01:19:48.760
We're not always obedient with it. Here's the thing if you have a heart of obedience and

1489
01:19:49.440 --> 01:19:54.440
That's where you're you're choosing like, okay Lord, I'm gonna do this because I think this is what you're gonna do

1490
01:19:54.440 --> 01:19:57.420
Guess what? He said he's a good God that even if we

1491
01:19:58.520 --> 01:20:00.520
Step out of that obedience

1492
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.000
but it's not a heart posture of wanting to be disobedient,

1493
01:20:05.120 --> 01:20:07.320
you don't think that God can't redirect you?

1494
01:20:08.360 --> 01:20:09.440
Yeah, that's so true.

1495
01:20:09.440 --> 01:20:10.880
I guess I didn't think about it that way.

1496
01:20:10.880 --> 01:20:11.800
Yeah, that's right.

1497
01:20:11.800 --> 01:20:14.000
Like, let's unpack some more of this belief

1498
01:20:14.000 --> 01:20:15.360
of this obedience.

1499
01:20:15.360 --> 01:20:20.080
Like, if I don't do it the right way, what's gonna happen?

1500
01:20:20.080 --> 01:20:22.560
Is there ever a time in your life

1501
01:20:22.560 --> 01:20:25.320
where you felt shame or guilt

1502
01:20:25.320 --> 01:20:28.120
because you didn't do what you were supposed to do?

1503
01:20:31.000 --> 01:20:32.320
Yeah.

1504
01:20:32.320 --> 01:20:34.000
So those are things like,

1505
01:20:34.000 --> 01:20:36.520
walk through heart work tools in that.

1506
01:20:36.520 --> 01:20:37.520
Okay.

1507
01:20:37.520 --> 01:20:39.400
Let's process through that,

1508
01:20:39.400 --> 01:20:41.560
spend some time with Holy Spirit,

1509
01:20:41.560 --> 01:20:46.080
figure out what lie or belief you started believing

1510
01:20:46.080 --> 01:20:47.560
because of that,

1511
01:20:47.560 --> 01:20:52.120
and how is it related to your view on your Heavenly Father?

1512
01:20:54.120 --> 01:20:57.080
Because He wants to partner with you,

1513
01:20:57.480 --> 01:21:00.080
He's not gonna make you feel like,

1514
01:21:00.080 --> 01:21:01.760
you're being disobedient to me,

1515
01:21:01.760 --> 01:21:02.880
and this is not gonna happen,

1516
01:21:02.880 --> 01:21:04.520
why are you not listening to me?

1517
01:21:05.880 --> 01:21:08.400
You know, there's times when we are blatantly

1518
01:21:08.400 --> 01:21:11.200
being disobedient because we know we're being disobedient,

1519
01:21:11.200 --> 01:21:12.600
and God will check us.

1520
01:21:12.600 --> 01:21:14.240
I mean, I know that's happened where I'm like,

1521
01:21:14.240 --> 01:21:15.080
I'm not listening to you,

1522
01:21:15.080 --> 01:21:18.000
kind of like where Nehemiah is like supposed to go,

1523
01:21:18.000 --> 01:21:18.840
and then he doesn't,

1524
01:21:18.840 --> 01:21:21.400
and then God's like, you disobeyed me.

1525
01:21:21.400 --> 01:21:23.960
Nehemiah knew he was going against God's word.

1526
01:21:23.960 --> 01:21:24.800
He knew.

1527
01:21:27.800 --> 01:21:30.880
But if you, like, if your heart is to obey Him,

1528
01:21:30.880 --> 01:21:32.920
and sometimes you're just not sure,

1529
01:21:32.920 --> 01:21:34.960
you're not gonna be reprimanded for that.

1530
01:21:36.200 --> 01:21:37.760
Okay?

1531
01:21:37.760 --> 01:21:39.040
Does that help?

1532
01:21:39.040 --> 01:21:40.040
Yeah, it does.

1533
01:21:41.200 --> 01:21:43.160
And I think also it makes sense too,

1534
01:21:43.160 --> 01:21:45.000
because I've been praying like, do I do it?

1535
01:21:45.000 --> 01:21:45.840
Do I do it?

1536
01:21:45.840 --> 01:21:47.680
And I feel like it's been like silent.

1537
01:21:47.680 --> 01:21:50.160
So I'm like, man, I probably should just do it.

1538
01:21:50.160 --> 01:21:51.480
Yeah, there you go.

1539
01:21:51.480 --> 01:21:53.160
And there's a thing,

1540
01:21:53.160 --> 01:21:54.720
like if you got off course, guess what?

1541
01:21:54.720 --> 01:21:55.960
You get redirected.

1542
01:21:55.960 --> 01:21:57.800
I don't think you're in,

1543
01:21:57.800 --> 01:22:01.880
like, I think you're here by divine appointment.

1544
01:22:01.880 --> 01:22:03.560
Like, it is not a coincidence

1545
01:22:03.560 --> 01:22:04.720
that you're in last year single.

1546
01:22:04.720 --> 01:22:08.160
So I think that that should be confirmation

1547
01:22:08.160 --> 01:22:09.440
that you're on the right path.

1548
01:22:09.440 --> 01:22:11.560
You're in this community.

1549
01:22:11.560 --> 01:22:13.560
It just might be how you're approaching dating

1550
01:22:13.560 --> 01:22:14.920
and what you think it needs to look like.

1551
01:22:14.920 --> 01:22:17.440
So there might need to be some supernatural surrender.

1552
01:22:17.440 --> 01:22:19.960
You maybe need to let go of this idea that, you know,

1553
01:22:19.960 --> 01:22:22.040
you're always disobeying the heavenly father.

1554
01:22:22.040 --> 01:22:23.760
Because again, if you have a heart posture

1555
01:22:23.760 --> 01:22:25.680
where you want to obey and you want to do well,

1556
01:22:26.200 --> 01:22:27.600
then again, we want to maybe unpack

1557
01:22:27.600 --> 01:22:31.720
where does that false sense of obedience come from that,

1558
01:22:31.720 --> 01:22:34.000
you know, if I don't do it right,

1559
01:22:34.000 --> 01:22:37.120
I'm not going to get what, you know, God wants for me.

1560
01:22:38.360 --> 01:22:39.200
Right?

1561
01:22:39.200 --> 01:22:40.800
I mean, I've had that sometimes where I'm like,

1562
01:22:40.800 --> 01:22:41.680
if I'm not doing this,

1563
01:22:41.680 --> 01:22:43.360
then I'm not going to get what God has.

1564
01:22:43.360 --> 01:22:46.400
Well, God's not a God that's going to withhold us.

1565
01:22:46.400 --> 01:22:50.000
Now, will he sometime not answer a prayer

1566
01:22:50.000 --> 01:22:52.280
because we're not ready for the capacity of it yet?

1567
01:22:52.280 --> 01:22:54.840
Yeah, because he doesn't want us to destroy it.

1568
01:22:54.840 --> 01:22:56.160
I feel like that a hundred percent,

1569
01:22:56.160 --> 01:23:00.360
but I also feel like I blame myself for like in my twenties,

1570
01:23:00.360 --> 01:23:03.120
like the way I was blatantly disobedient.

1571
01:23:03.120 --> 01:23:05.800
And I just feel like it delayed a lot.

1572
01:23:05.800 --> 01:23:07.920
And so now I'm like, well, I don't want to be that way.

1573
01:23:07.920 --> 01:23:10.280
I don't want to delay myself anymore.

1574
01:23:10.280 --> 01:23:12.400
Like I don't want to delay what God has.

1575
01:23:12.400 --> 01:23:14.280
And so that's more my fear.

1576
01:23:14.280 --> 01:23:15.120
Yeah.

1577
01:23:15.120 --> 01:23:16.240
And I can relate to that.

1578
01:23:16.240 --> 01:23:19.640
Cause I, y'all, I was not a believer in my twenties.

1579
01:23:19.640 --> 01:23:22.600
I did a lot of really not great things.

1580
01:23:22.600 --> 01:23:25.160
And I had a lot of issues with my self-worth

1581
01:23:25.160 --> 01:23:29.280
and believing that I wasn't, I didn't deserve.

1582
01:23:29.280 --> 01:23:32.360
I missed my opportunity because all the bad choices I made,

1583
01:23:32.360 --> 01:23:35.000
I had to start learning to love myself again.

1584
01:23:35.000 --> 01:23:38.520
I had to walk through the heartwork and forgive myself.

1585
01:23:38.520 --> 01:23:40.920
And I was able to unpack and realize

1586
01:23:41.960 --> 01:23:44.120
why I made the decisions I did.

1587
01:23:44.120 --> 01:23:46.160
What were the beliefs behind those decisions?

1588
01:23:46.160 --> 01:23:50.320
What, why I was hurting, where the core was.

1589
01:23:50.320 --> 01:23:51.960
And I was able to let go of those

1590
01:23:52.320 --> 01:23:55.840
and recognize that God wanted to heal me from that.

1591
01:23:55.840 --> 01:23:59.120
And so maybe that's another thing that's coming up for you.

1592
01:23:59.120 --> 01:24:01.200
If you really have this tie of, you know,

1593
01:24:01.200 --> 01:24:05.240
some struggles of the disobedience you had in your twenties,

1594
01:24:05.240 --> 01:24:07.040
walk through some heartwork with that.

1595
01:24:07.040 --> 01:24:10.000
How long were you in the heartwork phase?

1596
01:24:11.160 --> 01:24:13.640
Like probably seven weeks.

1597
01:24:13.640 --> 01:24:14.480
Okay.

1598
01:24:14.480 --> 01:24:15.520
It took my time.

1599
01:24:15.520 --> 01:24:17.320
I wanted to make sure.

1600
01:24:17.320 --> 01:24:18.400
Yeah, you're good.

1601
01:24:18.400 --> 01:24:19.520
That's good.

1602
01:24:19.560 --> 01:24:22.080
One thing I will say, heartwork doesn't go away.

1603
01:24:22.960 --> 01:24:24.480
There's always another layer.

1604
01:24:24.480 --> 01:24:26.040
So this just might be one of those things,

1605
01:24:26.040 --> 01:24:28.520
like spend some time with Holy Spirit,

1606
01:24:28.520 --> 01:24:30.760
see what comes up, what surfaces,

1607
01:24:30.760 --> 01:24:32.960
what's he highlighting for you to work on?

1608
01:24:32.960 --> 01:24:34.080
Maybe it's the obedient stuff.

1609
01:24:34.080 --> 01:24:35.480
Maybe it's, you know,

1610
01:24:35.480 --> 01:24:36.720
forgiveness of some of the things

1611
01:24:36.720 --> 01:24:37.960
that you've done in your past.

1612
01:24:37.960 --> 01:24:39.880
And, you know, do you really have a belief

1613
01:24:39.880 --> 01:24:41.640
that God's not going to deliver

1614
01:24:41.640 --> 01:24:43.600
because you were disobedient back then?

1615
01:24:44.480 --> 01:24:45.360
He sees your heart.

1616
01:24:45.360 --> 01:24:46.840
He knows.

1617
01:24:46.840 --> 01:24:47.680
Yeah.

1618
01:24:47.720 --> 01:24:50.120
I think you're here on purpose.

1619
01:24:51.040 --> 01:24:52.440
I don't think it's by mistake at all.

1620
01:24:52.440 --> 01:24:53.920
I don't think you have to cut and run

1621
01:24:53.920 --> 01:24:55.000
from any sort of dating.

1622
01:24:55.000 --> 01:24:55.880
Cause here's the thing.

1623
01:24:55.880 --> 01:24:57.640
Yeah, we're in this love story accelerator

1624
01:24:57.640 --> 01:24:59.640
and it's what we kind of call like the dating phase,

1625
01:24:59.640 --> 01:25:00.480
but...

1626
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:08.400
I have women in this section of our last year single program that don't go on dates right away.

1627
01:25:09.120 --> 01:25:13.440
They don't start dating right away. They have other things that unpack or surface when they

1628
01:25:13.440 --> 01:25:19.520
start putting their toe in the water. And then I have other women that just go off the deep dive.

1629
01:25:19.520 --> 01:25:24.320
They just go right in. They go off the high dive. They're like, let's do it. Bring me the dates. And

1630
01:25:24.320 --> 01:25:27.200
everybody has their own process and pace that they're working on.

1631
01:25:28.160 --> 01:25:32.880
I don't want to rush. That's for sure. But I guess I don't mind jumping in. I just want to be,

1632
01:25:32.880 --> 01:25:36.880
I think for me, I want to make sure that everything is good. So I'm like testing.

1633
01:25:36.880 --> 01:25:42.000
I did do the speed dating on arc just to test, just to test, to see like,

1634
01:25:42.640 --> 01:25:47.040
feeling is anything coming up? Like that? I still need to go back to heartwork for

1635
01:25:47.600 --> 01:25:52.240
and like nothing came up. Actually. I was rejected by somebody that I didn't find

1636
01:25:52.240 --> 01:25:55.280
attractive and I laughed it off. I was like, wait, this is good.

1637
01:25:56.160 --> 01:25:59.280
Well, that's the thing. And just because like something's going to surface in dating,

1638
01:25:59.280 --> 01:26:03.200
doesn't mean like, Oh, I have to stop dating and go back to heartwork. Y'all I'm married.

1639
01:26:03.200 --> 01:26:09.120
I can't stop being married to do heartwork. Okay, honey, I can't, you know, I can't be married now.

1640
01:26:09.120 --> 01:26:14.480
I need to go do my heartwork. Like this is no, like dating is going to bring areas of heartwork

1641
01:26:14.480 --> 01:26:20.720
and you will work in tandem with it. It will, it will, it will strengthen those heart work tools

1642
01:26:20.720 --> 01:26:25.200
and you will continue just to keep growing. And like, before you know it, you can like

1643
01:26:25.200 --> 01:26:30.640
heartwork through things in like a day or two. Like it's, you know, some things will require

1644
01:26:30.640 --> 01:26:34.480
where you need to really sit and process it. Other times they're like, Oh, this is a heartwork thing.

1645
01:26:34.480 --> 01:26:38.800
Okay. I'm going to spend, you know, some time in my prayer closet and you'll come out of your

1646
01:26:38.800 --> 01:26:45.760
prayer closet. Heal like healed and healthier. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. All right,

1647
01:26:45.760 --> 01:26:49.040
Sarah, you're my last one. We're a little bit over time, but I want to give you the floor

1648
01:26:49.040 --> 01:26:52.560
because you've been waiting so patiently. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I was going to say,

1649
01:26:52.560 --> 01:26:57.040
we can just skip. I know we're really over time. No, you're good. I'm, you were patient,

1650
01:26:57.040 --> 01:27:03.840
so I'm going to honor, honor you. It's a quick question in regards to, um, not making pen pals.

1651
01:27:03.840 --> 01:27:10.880
So I keep finding myself in these, like on these dating apps with people that like out the gate,

1652
01:27:10.880 --> 01:27:15.920
they're like, Hey, and like, there's really good conversation flowing. And then it seems to go

1653
01:27:15.920 --> 01:27:23.280
down this like pen pal pattern. And I'm like, I'm used to if someone kind of back to that,

1654
01:27:23.280 --> 01:27:28.480
like if they, I like to be pursued, I think maybe that's kind of old fashioned thinking.

1655
01:27:28.480 --> 01:27:36.080
And then I'm used to a man being like, okay, so would you like to go on a date? Um, so with these

1656
01:27:36.080 --> 01:27:41.520
two that I'm currently talking to, we've been messaging back and forth for a week. Okay. And

1657
01:27:42.320 --> 01:27:50.480
so far, like, it just kind of has gone a little pen pal-ish. Okay. I went, I asked you, are you,

1658
01:27:50.480 --> 01:27:54.080
are you throwing out the hanky and dropping the hanky and say, Hey, let's get together.

1659
01:27:54.880 --> 01:27:59.120
I did end up doing that with both of them. I said to the one, cause he's like talking about work a

1660
01:27:59.120 --> 01:28:04.400
lot. And I was like, Oh, well I hope for your sake, like you don't have to work this weekend.

1661
01:28:04.400 --> 01:28:09.840
Cause I would actually like to meet you soon. How do you respond? Um, has not responded yet.

1662
01:28:09.840 --> 01:28:15.200
That was like just before this call started. Okay. Um, and that's good. I like it.

1663
01:28:16.400 --> 01:28:22.080
Other one was like, Hey, cause he's, he's a few hours away. Okay. And I said, Hey,

1664
01:28:22.080 --> 01:28:25.600
would you like to set up a time to video chat? But there's a part of me that's annoyed in that

1665
01:28:25.600 --> 01:28:33.920
because I'm just like, I, I like the man to be the pursuer. The one that I just said,

1666
01:28:33.920 --> 01:28:39.440
I'd like to meet you soon. He was like, Hey, like we were having great conversation back and forth.

1667
01:28:39.520 --> 01:28:43.600
I reached a point where I was like, I did end up giving him my phone number cause he asked and I

1668
01:28:43.600 --> 01:28:51.120
was like, I felt fine doing so. Um, and then it almost seems like that, that energy that I was

1669
01:28:51.120 --> 01:28:55.520
getting at the beginning is kind of, which again, he's working, he's very like they're in a training.

1670
01:28:55.520 --> 01:28:59.840
It's it's. Yeah. I think that's, I know I get it. It's annoying. Hang on a second. I got to

1671
01:28:59.840 --> 01:29:11.280
plug in my computer. Yeah. It's kind of like, yes, it's annoying because we want guys just to

1672
01:29:11.280 --> 01:29:14.640
pursue and do all the things. And we just are like, well, I don't want to have to do it. The

1673
01:29:14.640 --> 01:29:19.040
guy should be doing it. That's kind of that, like we're towing the line of the entitlement. Cause

1674
01:29:19.040 --> 01:29:24.000
like what Michelle was saying earlier, there's some guys out there that they're, they're insecure.

1675
01:29:24.000 --> 01:29:28.000
They're afraid. They're afraid to text them too much. They're afraid to come too forward.

1676
01:29:28.000 --> 01:29:35.440
Yeah. Cause we live in this feminist like world where it's just, I mean, I get the reason why,

1677
01:29:35.440 --> 01:29:41.920
and even Jackie will share this as well, but it's almost like the pendulum swung way out of the way.

1678
01:29:41.920 --> 01:29:46.480
And like, it took, it's like, no, there needs to be balanced. Like, yes, there's a time and

1679
01:29:46.480 --> 01:29:52.320
place for, you know, women to be equal and all those things, but we're not, we're partnering

1680
01:29:52.320 --> 01:29:57.600
with the divine masculine and the divine feminine. It's recognizing that there's differences between

1681
01:29:57.600 --> 01:29:59.760
the two genders and sexes.

1682
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.680
that like, but men have to live in this world that women will

1683
01:30:06.680 --> 01:30:11.280
bite their heads off if they do something wrong. Yeah. And so I

1684
01:30:11.280 --> 01:30:14.240
get I get it. It's annoying. Like, why do I have to drop the

1685
01:30:14.240 --> 01:30:18.440
hinky? Why do I have to be forward? I will tell you it's if

1686
01:30:18.440 --> 01:30:21.480
you just throw it out there and show that you're interested and

1687
01:30:21.480 --> 01:30:25.240
let them know especially those first couple dates and

1688
01:30:25.360 --> 01:30:29.080
reassuring them that you're interested in letting them lead

1689
01:30:29.080 --> 01:30:32.360
of whether or not they want to continue to move it forward.

1690
01:30:32.760 --> 01:30:38.160
It's giving some men grace to decide how they feel, but also

1691
01:30:38.160 --> 01:30:42.080
making it a safe place for them to say, Okay, I'm gonna leave. I

1692
01:30:42.080 --> 01:30:45.360
want you to feel like you can have interest in me. And I want

1693
01:30:45.360 --> 01:30:48.680
to show you that I am interested. And if you're not,

1694
01:30:48.720 --> 01:30:53.800
it's fine. I'm okay. But if you are great, let's let's move

1695
01:30:53.800 --> 01:30:58.520
forward. Yeah. Yeah, I and I but I get it. Sarah, I totally get

1696
01:30:58.520 --> 01:31:02.800
it. It does get a little annoying. But rest assured in

1697
01:31:02.800 --> 01:31:09.160
these early stages. The men don't stay like that. Like they

1698
01:31:09.880 --> 01:31:13.320
there's been men where maybe they were a little slow to

1699
01:31:13.320 --> 01:31:18.960
start. But then once they felt secure, and they really thought

1700
01:31:19.000 --> 01:31:23.680
No, I really like this girl. They move forward. Yeah. And if

1701
01:31:23.680 --> 01:31:26.520
they don't, it's okay, too. That just means they're not your

1702
01:31:26.520 --> 01:31:28.200
spirit mate. Yeah.

1703
01:31:30.400 --> 01:31:34.600
Also coming out of something, you know, six months ago, where

1704
01:31:34.640 --> 01:31:37.040
he was kind of on that love bomber line.

1705
01:31:38.200 --> 01:31:42.440
Yeah. And yeah, it's just it's recognizing again, ladies, given

1706
01:31:42.440 --> 01:31:44.520
these men grace, because they don't have the same coaching as

1707
01:31:44.520 --> 01:31:46.920
you all do. They don't have the same heartwork and the healing.

1708
01:31:47.440 --> 01:31:50.200
You know, it's very, very, I mean, it doesn't mean that there

1709
01:31:50.200 --> 01:31:53.640
are not men out there that haven't done their healing. Yeah,

1710
01:31:53.680 --> 01:31:58.160
I was thankful my husband did. But he didn't do it the way that

1711
01:31:58.200 --> 01:32:01.240
I had done mine. I even sometimes think that he needs a

1712
01:32:01.240 --> 01:32:05.240
little bit more. But it doesn't mean that he's not capable of

1713
01:32:05.240 --> 01:32:09.080
it. And he's not a good man. You know that it's going to look

1714
01:32:09.080 --> 01:32:11.880
different. It's giving the men grace and understanding and

1715
01:32:11.880 --> 01:32:15.080
recognize, you know, if they come out the gate, and they, you

1716
01:32:15.080 --> 01:32:20.200
know, again, we encourage you ladies not to dive into the X

1717
01:32:20.200 --> 01:32:23.160
files, but it doesn't mean that these men are not going to share

1718
01:32:23.160 --> 01:32:27.320
all of their junk with you. I almost cut around because my

1719
01:32:27.320 --> 01:32:31.800
husband did that with me. I'm thankful I gave him grace,

1720
01:32:32.080 --> 01:32:35.720
because I got to see he was actually healed through his

1721
01:32:35.720 --> 01:32:40.280
former marriage where his you know, it was very toxic, very

1722
01:32:40.280 --> 01:32:44.760
toxic marriage, but she also passed. She passed away from

1723
01:32:44.760 --> 01:32:50.080
cancer. And so he worked through the grieving process and the

1724
01:32:50.080 --> 01:32:54.360
marriage and everything. But I allowed him the grace and the

1725
01:32:54.360 --> 01:32:58.240
space for it. Now, I was a little nervous that he came out

1726
01:32:58.240 --> 01:33:01.880
the gate was sharing that stuff with me. But I kept just getting

1727
01:33:01.880 --> 01:33:07.520
to know him. So we can't, again, it kind of goes like we don't

1728
01:33:07.520 --> 01:33:14.480
know. We can't expect men to behave the way we want them to.

1729
01:33:15.480 --> 01:33:19.680
Does that make sense? Yeah. Okay. So yeah, let's just see

1730
01:33:19.680 --> 01:33:23.040
where you know, where it goes. If you're like, hey, let's

1731
01:33:23.040 --> 01:33:26.360
FaceTime. I really hope see if he takes the bait if he doesn't

1732
01:33:26.360 --> 01:33:31.040
be like, hey, what about this day or this day? Let me know

1733
01:33:31.040 --> 01:33:34.320
when works for you. And then if he never really comes like I was

1734
01:33:34.320 --> 01:33:38.640
telling Lisa earlier, it's okay, if they're not taking the bait

1735
01:33:38.680 --> 01:33:43.840
after a week of trying to like, set up a video chat, you can say

1736
01:33:43.840 --> 01:33:48.480
hey, I get it. It's seems like you know, you got a lot going on

1737
01:33:48.480 --> 01:33:53.760
I know, long distance can get tricky and whatnot. But I'm here

1738
01:33:53.760 --> 01:33:57.280
to date in real life. And to get to know people, I'm fine with

1739
01:33:57.280 --> 01:34:00.800
long distance. But if we're going to do this, I'm we're

1740
01:34:00.800 --> 01:34:04.520
going to need to have some video calls. And if we can't make that

1741
01:34:04.520 --> 01:34:08.640
happen, I'm going to wish you the best of luck. Yeah. Like,

1742
01:34:09.360 --> 01:34:12.920
don't don't throw in the towel early. But also, you don't have

1743
01:34:12.920 --> 01:34:16.600
you don't have to hang on to the towel. Right? Necessary. Does

1744
01:34:16.600 --> 01:34:22.360
that make sense? There's balance there. Okay, thank you. You're

1745
01:34:22.360 --> 01:34:26.040
welcome. All right, ladies. It's been a pleasure. I look forward

1746
01:34:26.040 --> 01:34:28.200
to seeing y'all next week. I look forward to seeing y'all in

1747
01:34:28.200 --> 01:34:31.360
the app. All right, make sure that you're coming sharing your

1748
01:34:31.360 --> 01:34:35.160
stuff with us. If you can jump on the eight o'clock call Ebony

1749
01:34:35.160 --> 01:34:39.440
will be on tonight. She's always she's a y'all she's fun. Her and

1750
01:34:39.440 --> 01:34:42.320
I've hung out with her in real life. She is a good time. So if

1751
01:34:42.320 --> 01:34:47.640
you can make both calls do it. And I will see you all next week.

1752
01:34:47.680 --> 01:34:50.720
Okay. Thank you. Bye, ladies.