WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:10.000 Hello, hello. It's so good to see you all. Okay. I see y'all driving, no camera. Gotcha. 2 00:00:10.000 --> 00:00:17.560 Best storms? Oh no. All right. Do we have any newcomers? This is your first time in 3 00:00:17.560 --> 00:00:24.600 a phase two coaching session. Let me see a wave of hand, an avatar. I want to welcome 4 00:00:24.600 --> 00:00:36.440 you. Nobody? Nobody's first time in here with me? All right, great. So, can't access your 5 00:00:36.440 --> 00:00:45.040 camera. Please refresh. Do y'all hear me and see me? Uh-oh. Did I disappear? Yep. Did y'all 6 00:00:45.040 --> 00:00:52.280 hear me and not see me? Okay. I can hear you and see you. Now you can see me. Okay. I don't 7 00:00:52.320 --> 00:00:57.640 know what that was about. Well, it's good to see all of y'all. Nobody raised their hand. So, 8 00:00:57.640 --> 00:01:01.840 I am going to take it that this is no one's first time. If this is somebody's first time, 9 00:01:01.840 --> 00:01:07.040 you didn't want to raise your hand or your avatar, welcome to phase two. I hope that you 10 00:01:07.040 --> 00:01:12.240 ladies are enjoying watching. Oh, Heather, do you have a question? This is not your first time, 11 00:01:12.240 --> 00:01:17.720 right, Heather? It's just a different Heather. Not you, Heather, the other Heather. There's 12 00:01:17.720 --> 00:01:27.480 two Heathers in the room. Okay. So, maybe it's a double login. Anyway, yay. It's so good to see 13 00:01:27.480 --> 00:01:33.960 y'all. I hope you ladies have been enjoying your activations that we talked about last week. Who's 14 00:01:33.960 --> 00:01:39.120 been doing their five minutes before they get out of the bed? Worship, talk to God or worship instead 15 00:01:39.120 --> 00:01:47.640 of worry. Read some scriptures, declare some things. Yeah, I see hands. That is so good. Even 16 00:01:47.640 --> 00:01:52.600 if you did a day, skip the day, did a day, no more days for the next five days. Who tried it at least 17 00:01:52.600 --> 00:02:01.560 one time? Yes. Good. Did you feel any difference? Even if it was one thing, who can share something 18 00:02:01.920 --> 00:02:12.040 they enjoyed from that experience? Anybody, just unmute yourself and share. Or you can type it in 19 00:02:12.040 --> 00:02:24.400 the comments. I'll share. This is Heather. Sorry, I'm in the car. I felt like I immediately was in 20 00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:31.280 a better mood for the day because I felt organized. I felt that I was focusing on gratitude before 21 00:02:31.800 --> 00:02:39.240 what's wrong. I felt empowered because I was focusing on, I was thinking about talking. We've 22 00:02:39.240 --> 00:02:46.480 had a lot of talks about spiritual gifts. I also was praying for other people. It just set me up 23 00:02:46.480 --> 00:02:55.640 for a better perspective starting the day, even if it didn't turn out all the time the way it was 24 00:02:55.640 --> 00:03:05.520 supposed to. It just was a good mindset. That's really good, Heather. Thanks for sharing. Anyone 25 00:03:05.520 --> 00:03:11.400 else can agree that those are some of the things you experienced? I can share quickly, Ebony. Go 26 00:03:11.400 --> 00:03:17.680 for it. I totally agree with Heather. Whatever she said, that's exactly how I felt. Also, it just 27 00:03:17.680 --> 00:03:27.480 felt like the burden from my head was just lifted every day in the morning when I would do that. 28 00:03:27.880 --> 00:03:33.440 Like, you go to the Lord first. It just felt like I'm not in charge of the day now. I know that the 29 00:03:33.440 --> 00:03:35.960 Lord is. That's what I felt. 30 00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:43.120 Yeah, that's good. Not in charge of the day anymore. The Lord is. It is so good to cast all 31 00:03:43.120 --> 00:03:52.600 of our cares upon Him because He cares for us. Because we are so human and we forget so much. I 32 00:03:52.600 --> 00:03:59.600 don't care how many times I remind myself I always need the reminder. The reminder don't care me as 33 00:03:59.600 --> 00:04:05.280 long as I would like it to. It lasts until the first person pull out in front of me in traffic or 34 00:04:05.280 --> 00:04:12.560 blow their horn. I forget. Again, I said, my goodness. Okay, well, good. I'm glad you guys 35 00:04:12.560 --> 00:04:17.240 enjoyed it. Let's continue with the activation. So let's say you didn't get a chance to practice it. 36 00:04:18.279 --> 00:04:24.800 Sometimes starting all the, well, most times for me, starting something new is more challenging for 37 00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:31.720 me to rhythmize or to, you know, to get to doing it. So I'll take something as simple for me. 38 00:04:31.720 --> 00:04:36.800 Sometimes I'm like, I'm going to be a tea person. So I'm going to start drinking tea. I'm going by 39 00:04:36.800 --> 00:04:43.320 all these teas because I said I want to be a tea person, but I forget to drink tea. I don't, even 40 00:04:43.320 --> 00:04:48.520 if I start a new vitamin, after I researched that new vitamin, it takes me a while to make that new 41 00:04:48.520 --> 00:04:55.480 vitamin a part of my routine. And so I find that to be true for me in a lot of areas. And so it 42 00:04:55.480 --> 00:04:59.000 takes me a while to work that muscle to get it to a memory place. 43 00:04:59.320 --> 00:05:00.040 And so if you 44 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.800 didn't do it it's not like oh man you just forgot because it's not a muscle that you're used to 45 00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:11.760 working um but a minute long you know how long has been but the first thing i say when i open 46 00:05:11.760 --> 00:05:18.560 my eyes is good morning papa god good morning holy spirit good morning jesus i've been doing it 47 00:05:18.560 --> 00:05:23.280 for a very long time and i remember when i decided this what i want to do that i want to greet the 48 00:05:23.280 --> 00:05:29.200 father with good morning and i started it and at first it wasn't like i did it no matter how good 49 00:05:29.200 --> 00:05:35.200 it sound i can't make myself do what i did but after a while it became clockwork and my mind 50 00:05:35.200 --> 00:05:41.120 thought it even if my mouth didn't move so some things take time and i want you guys to keep 51 00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:47.200 practicing just a little housekeeping let's not forget that when someone posts posts in the 52 00:05:47.200 --> 00:05:52.240 coaches session that we can add encouragement but we don't want to coach because if they put 53 00:05:52.240 --> 00:05:57.760 it under the coaches tab they're directly wanting coaching and so we don't want to coach we can 54 00:05:57.760 --> 00:06:04.560 encourage um also we don't want to add links from outside ministries and if you heard this before 55 00:06:04.560 --> 00:06:09.840 you know why uh links from outside ministries are outside teachings because the admin likes to 56 00:06:09.840 --> 00:06:15.760 approve that before it comes up because we want to keep the community safe for everyone um i think 57 00:06:15.760 --> 00:06:22.000 those are all the notes that i need to mention you know tonight we're going to talk about something 58 00:06:22.000 --> 00:06:27.040 that is really really fun that's why i'm trying to hurry up and do my little 10 minutes so we can 59 00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:40.960 talk about what you ladies have um but you know we try to pull from what we have going on on the 60 00:06:40.960 --> 00:06:46.800 community wall and so whatever you see us lady whatever all the ladies are talking about that's 61 00:06:46.800 --> 00:06:52.240 what we like to pull from because i tell you all the time we are not far in separation of each other 62 00:06:53.120 --> 00:06:58.560 all of us are like in so many different ways and so tonight we're going to talk about entitlement 63 00:07:00.240 --> 00:07:07.200 entitlement now in dating there's entitlement i got my notes here because there's really good 64 00:07:07.200 --> 00:07:12.720 examples that we want to use but in dating entitlement comes up and you may not know it's 65 00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:18.160 there and i'm going to tell you what it sounds like i can't believe he said that he knows i'm a 66 00:07:18.160 --> 00:07:27.520 christian why would he say that to me i can't believe he's acting like that oh let's see some 67 00:07:27.520 --> 00:07:35.680 more entitlement um i really like him and he should like me back i mean i reached out first 68 00:07:35.680 --> 00:07:45.280 at least he could say um let's see so those are these um expectation of reciprocal interests 69 00:07:45.840 --> 00:07:50.000 those were those type of those phrases that come up and the reason i'm giving you phrases so you 70 00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:56.000 can hear entitlement and find out where you hear entitlement in yourself because some in your mind 71 00:07:56.000 --> 00:08:02.720 may say oh well this just makes sense but it could actually be what i just said it is and it's called 72 00:08:02.720 --> 00:08:10.400 entitlement um so then you have time investment entitlement so we've been talking for x amount 73 00:08:10.400 --> 00:08:14.320 of days he needs to come on and say whatever he's going to say because by now he should have made a 74 00:08:14.320 --> 00:08:22.000 decision right it's been enough time for him to make a decision um or for anybody on your job we 75 00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:26.320 don't have to always relate it to him but we are talking about dating but entitlement shows up in 76 00:08:26.320 --> 00:08:30.720 so many ways it can show up in a relationship with your children with family members whoever 77 00:08:30.720 --> 00:08:35.200 you think owes you something it could be somebody in the store when we operate an entitlement it 78 00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:41.360 just pops out everywhere it's not the person it's actually us right um entitlement shows up in our 79 00:08:41.360 --> 00:08:48.800 emotional um labor labor expectations so these emotional expectations that we have of someone 80 00:08:48.800 --> 00:08:55.040 when we pour into them these expectations they should give me something back because i gave you 81 00:08:55.040 --> 00:09:02.880 this and so now you owe me something back in return um then you have communication style demands 82 00:09:03.840 --> 00:09:05.920 he should know how to communicate better 83 00:09:06.240 --> 00:09:15.280 he should know they should know how to do this better than this right um or he should know how 84 00:09:15.280 --> 00:09:20.160 to say that differently i don't like the way they say it they should say it different i don't like 85 00:09:20.160 --> 00:09:28.960 it i can't believe you said that that way um uh relationship progression timelines like you know 86 00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:33.760 that i put this much time in at this point we should be here i kind of mentioned that a lot 87 00:09:33.760 --> 00:09:37.200 at this point we should be here i kind of mentioned that on the other part but these 88 00:09:37.840 --> 00:09:43.040 these expectations of something that should be so let's understand so those are the things 89 00:09:43.040 --> 00:09:48.720 pick your voice that talks to you and then let's understand entitlement and dating what is 90 00:09:48.720 --> 00:09:54.400 entitlement my typing is very small because i'm not able to print at home like i was when i was 91 00:09:54.400 --> 00:09:59.760 so entitlement is the belief that we 92 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.880 Deserve something simply because we want it 93 00:10:06.880 --> 00:10:10.160 That is so funny to me because it's so like me 94 00:10:12.720 --> 00:10:14.720 I want it 95 00:10:14.800 --> 00:10:16.800 Right. Um 96 00:10:16.800 --> 00:10:21.780 It is without having to earn it or respect another person's autonomy 97 00:10:23.440 --> 00:10:26.720 Right, I want this it doesn't matter what you think or how you feel 98 00:10:26.720 --> 00:10:29.280 This is how it should be because what I said is how it should be 99 00:10:30.400 --> 00:10:36.020 Right completely ignore the person that they have their own autonomy to make their own decisions 100 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:40.080 It doesn't matter um 101 00:10:41.520 --> 00:10:44.000 Um in dating it shows up as 102 00:10:44.860 --> 00:10:46.140 expecting 103 00:10:46.140 --> 00:10:53.280 Outcomes or responses or behaviors from others based on what we've invested or how we feel 104 00:10:54.400 --> 00:10:57.440 Rather than accepting that other people have their own 105 00:10:58.080 --> 00:11:00.080 Free will and choices 106 00:11:03.600 --> 00:11:05.600 Um 107 00:11:06.800 --> 00:11:12.340 So the broken heart connection when we've been hurt disappointed or rejected 108 00:11:13.680 --> 00:11:18.240 Our pain can I don't know why I don't know if it's because i'm 42 or something 109 00:11:18.320 --> 00:11:23.600 But something's going on with me in small words. Let me turn this little light away because something's not working here 110 00:11:24.480 --> 00:11:25.280 um 111 00:11:25.280 --> 00:11:29.040 When we've been hurt disappointed rejected our pain can 112 00:11:31.680 --> 00:11:37.280 Our pain a pain can create a sense of god owes me or the guy that i've been dating owes me 113 00:11:38.320 --> 00:11:45.040 When we understand that many of you have experienced hurt in the past, but remember the part to partner with 114 00:11:45.680 --> 00:11:52.480 I'm different now and I can continue to heal and approach new connections with openness instead of expectations that aren't held 115 00:11:53.760 --> 00:11:54.960 so 116 00:11:54.960 --> 00:11:56.800 Let's talk on that 117 00:11:56.800 --> 00:12:01.360 So we understand what entitlement is you owe me just because I am who I am 118 00:12:02.320 --> 00:12:05.460 We strip away a person's autonomy to make their own decisions 119 00:12:05.920 --> 00:12:10.160 And we make the decisions and everybody all of our little players should buy it 120 00:12:10.880 --> 00:12:15.440 We also see entitlement. I am a firm believer that what we do to others 121 00:12:15.520 --> 00:12:18.000 We also do in our relationship with the lord 122 00:12:18.560 --> 00:12:23.840 And so you'll see a sense of entitlement when it comes to the lord when you decide that you've set time like this should have 123 00:12:23.840 --> 00:12:25.840 Happened by now 124 00:12:25.840 --> 00:12:27.840 And i'm tired of waiting 125 00:12:28.080 --> 00:12:31.520 And i've invested and i've done this and i've done this and i've done this 126 00:12:31.760 --> 00:12:36.480 And what happens is we have a god in our mind that serves us and not a god that we serve 127 00:12:37.520 --> 00:12:43.600 Because it doesn't work like that in a human to a god relationship. No matter who your god is 128 00:12:45.120 --> 00:12:50.720 Gods don't serve humans humans serve gods 129 00:12:51.600 --> 00:12:58.640 And you know that you have a sense of entitlement when you begin to tell the one who knows all sees all knows every part 130 00:12:58.640 --> 00:13:01.760 Of you that you have done enough and this should have happened by now 131 00:13:04.880 --> 00:13:06.880 Because you just 132 00:13:07.600 --> 00:13:14.400 It's all right. And so this entitlement will see even even in our relationship with the lord and it's okay 133 00:13:15.040 --> 00:13:19.520 Um, it's not like oh shame on you or bad for you or anything like that 134 00:13:20.800 --> 00:13:23.300 You know children are entitled by default 135 00:13:23.920 --> 00:13:26.560 Why don't you think about children? They don't work for their food 136 00:13:27.280 --> 00:13:29.200 They don't work for a home 137 00:13:29.200 --> 00:13:34.720 Everything that a child needs we can start with the baby. Everything they need is provided for them. They do nothing for it 138 00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:41.360 They don't have to clothe themselves they don't have to do anything food is just there they open the refrigerator 139 00:13:41.360 --> 00:13:45.280 It's just there and so by default there's something that is created in them 140 00:13:45.440 --> 00:13:52.080 Which is called entitlement and what parents do those who've had children you have to do certain things to cause them to be grateful 141 00:13:52.400 --> 00:13:58.800 You have to intentionally cause your children to be thankful because it's your responsibility to teach them how to be grateful and thankful 142 00:13:59.040 --> 00:14:02.240 And when you don't you call them some little pricks 143 00:14:02.800 --> 00:14:04.800 You are ungrateful 144 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:12.640 But we have to actually teach gratefulness and thanksgiving because it doesn't come naturally you want it to come naturally 145 00:14:12.640 --> 00:14:15.600 But it can't come naturally because entitlement comes first 146 00:14:16.800 --> 00:14:20.800 It's so natural because they don't have to work for anything that they get 147 00:14:21.840 --> 00:14:28.160 It's laid out for them. And so because we know that a sense of entitlement can come parents 148 00:14:29.100 --> 00:14:31.760 Instinctively what they do is they go in 149 00:14:32.400 --> 00:14:34.400 on purpose and they 150 00:14:34.480 --> 00:14:36.480 Withdraw things from their children 151 00:14:37.280 --> 00:14:39.280 They cause delayed gratification 152 00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:44.240 Children ask you why you say just because sometimes intentionally you don't give them an answer 153 00:14:44.320 --> 00:14:49.200 Why because you're a parent and you can do that and you say in yourself i'm not going to answer to you 154 00:14:50.560 --> 00:14:56.740 That teaches your child a lesson that the one who's in authority does not have to respond just because they want to respond 155 00:14:57.840 --> 00:15:00.000 The one in authority has the right to withhold 156 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:01.920 hold the thoughts of the one in authority 157 00:15:01.920 --> 00:15:06.400 because the one in authority can do that, right? 158 00:15:06.400 --> 00:15:08.900 The one in authority knows more than they know, 159 00:15:08.900 --> 00:15:10.240 can see farther than they can see. 160 00:15:10.240 --> 00:15:12.680 And so yes, I will make a decision that you're not, 161 00:15:12.680 --> 00:15:14.600 you shouldn't be eating sugar past this time. 162 00:15:14.600 --> 00:15:16.520 I will make a decision that you need to go to bed 163 00:15:16.520 --> 00:15:18.100 at this time because you're gonna have to get up 164 00:15:18.100 --> 00:15:20.120 in the morning and I know that your little body 165 00:15:20.120 --> 00:15:21.080 can't handle this. 166 00:15:21.080 --> 00:15:22.960 And I don't owe you an explanation for it 167 00:15:22.960 --> 00:15:24.400 because I'm the authority. 168 00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:28.320 And a lot of times, and I'm using that example 169 00:15:28.320 --> 00:15:30.160 because I'm going there because that's how it kind of works 170 00:15:30.160 --> 00:15:31.360 with us and God. 171 00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:33.280 We don't know why he makes all the decisions. 172 00:15:33.280 --> 00:15:34.760 We can ask him and he won't respond 173 00:15:34.760 --> 00:15:36.880 and it will frustrate the heck out of you sometimes 174 00:15:36.880 --> 00:15:38.240 because it's like, I just want an answer. 175 00:15:38.240 --> 00:15:39.800 I just want you to explain this. 176 00:15:39.800 --> 00:15:42.880 And he doesn't because he knows more and he sees all 177 00:15:42.880 --> 00:15:46.200 and he knows what's best and he chooses in his wisdom. 178 00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:50.920 And it's hard for us to accept this sometimes. 179 00:15:50.920 --> 00:15:52.920 And I don't know why I'm hanging on to this one 180 00:15:52.920 --> 00:15:54.560 because I really wanna go back to the other one. 181 00:15:54.560 --> 00:15:56.360 But for anybody who needs this, 182 00:15:56.360 --> 00:15:59.560 God chooses in his wisdom and it doesn't feel good. 183 00:16:00.480 --> 00:16:04.280 But we have to come up with the absolute that God is good. 184 00:16:06.760 --> 00:16:08.880 And if you've not been convinced of his goodness, 185 00:16:08.880 --> 00:16:11.120 then you have to spend some time sitting with him 186 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:13.320 and looking back over your life and count up the fact 187 00:16:13.320 --> 00:16:15.520 that you got breath in your lungs 188 00:16:15.520 --> 00:16:17.520 and your legs move for you every day. 189 00:16:17.520 --> 00:16:20.200 You have eyes to see and ears to hear and a voice to talk. 190 00:16:20.200 --> 00:16:21.200 Just look around you. 191 00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:24.640 The Bible says that the whole earth speaks of who God is, 192 00:16:24.640 --> 00:16:27.320 that all of the earth is commanded to praise the Lord. 193 00:16:27.320 --> 00:16:29.440 You look around you and you make up in your mind 194 00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:32.560 that God is good and he is good to me 195 00:16:32.560 --> 00:16:34.680 because the Bible says that no matter what you've done, 196 00:16:34.680 --> 00:16:37.640 that he reigns on the just as well as the unjust. 197 00:16:37.640 --> 00:16:39.960 And if you are in your right mind 198 00:16:39.960 --> 00:16:41.680 and you have breath in your body, 199 00:16:41.680 --> 00:16:45.680 then God is good no matter what you have done. 200 00:16:45.680 --> 00:16:47.720 He is still good to you. 201 00:16:50.280 --> 00:16:53.240 So just for anybody who needs that encouragement. 202 00:16:53.240 --> 00:16:55.800 So just, yeah, take that. 203 00:16:55.800 --> 00:16:59.560 I don't know why, but I dare not move on from the spirit 204 00:16:59.560 --> 00:17:00.800 when the spirit wants to minister. 205 00:17:00.800 --> 00:17:02.600 So yeah, I'm back. 206 00:17:02.600 --> 00:17:06.599 So let's talk about entitlement 207 00:17:06.599 --> 00:17:11.280 that you ladies have experienced in dating already. 208 00:17:11.280 --> 00:17:12.760 Who's experienced some entitlement? 209 00:17:12.760 --> 00:17:15.280 When I name the entitlement thoughts to you 210 00:17:15.280 --> 00:17:17.920 or things that you say to yourself, who's it? 211 00:17:17.920 --> 00:17:19.319 Natalie, what have you experienced 212 00:17:19.319 --> 00:17:20.839 with entitlement in dating? 213 00:17:24.240 --> 00:17:26.160 Well, I get a little bit confused 214 00:17:26.160 --> 00:17:31.160 because I do try to check myself and realize, you know, 215 00:17:31.600 --> 00:17:34.640 it's more of just kind of like a feeling inside. 216 00:17:34.640 --> 00:17:37.320 Like it's something that I notice will trigger me 217 00:17:37.320 --> 00:17:38.720 or I'll get upset about. 218 00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:44.280 And I really wanna be clear as far as like 219 00:17:44.280 --> 00:17:48.960 what the difference is between say entitlement 220 00:17:49.520 --> 00:17:52.240 and like just either respect 221 00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:56.360 and or this just plain doesn't work for me and that's okay. 222 00:17:56.360 --> 00:17:59.080 So for, okay, so let's just say that 223 00:17:59.080 --> 00:18:03.960 because it's not my intention to be entitled. 224 00:18:03.960 --> 00:18:05.120 You know, like I don't wanna have 225 00:18:05.120 --> 00:18:07.800 like this princess heir or attitude, 226 00:18:07.800 --> 00:18:11.280 but sometimes the way that the communication 227 00:18:11.280 --> 00:18:13.840 is coming across is either disrespectful. 228 00:18:13.840 --> 00:18:15.200 And I don't think that makes me entitled. 229 00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:17.600 I just think that that's disrespect on their part 230 00:18:17.720 --> 00:18:19.760 and it doesn't resonate with me 231 00:18:19.760 --> 00:18:23.440 or they just have a different approach to doing something. 232 00:18:23.440 --> 00:18:27.000 And I know that that type of communication 233 00:18:27.000 --> 00:18:29.840 just doesn't work for me, you know? 234 00:18:29.840 --> 00:18:32.840 So I feel like, yes, we can show grace, 235 00:18:32.840 --> 00:18:34.120 but in the long run, it's like, 236 00:18:34.120 --> 00:18:37.600 I do believe that I know myself well enough 237 00:18:37.600 --> 00:18:39.000 to just be like, you know what? 238 00:18:39.000 --> 00:18:40.880 I can see this guy means well, or he's nice, 239 00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:45.880 but this just isn't going to work for me. 240 00:18:46.040 --> 00:18:47.560 And I don't know if that, 241 00:18:47.560 --> 00:18:50.200 I wouldn't say that that makes me feel entitled, 242 00:18:50.200 --> 00:18:52.240 but the example, say for example, 243 00:18:53.960 --> 00:18:57.600 would be they're constantly using abbreviations 244 00:18:57.600 --> 00:18:59.520 and I'm not talking like, LOL. 245 00:18:59.520 --> 00:19:02.640 I'm talking like every time they say the word your, 246 00:19:02.640 --> 00:19:05.080 it's always you are, you know? 247 00:19:05.080 --> 00:19:07.920 I know it sounds petty, but it's like, to me, 248 00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:11.040 it just shows a little bit of immaturity 249 00:19:11.040 --> 00:19:13.040 or it's like, are you really that busy 250 00:19:13.040 --> 00:19:14.880 where you can't spell out your words? 251 00:19:14.880 --> 00:19:16.960 Are you even being intentional? 252 00:19:16.960 --> 00:19:19.560 You know, what are you doing on here on this dating app? 253 00:19:19.560 --> 00:19:22.960 You know, I just don't really feel like you care, 254 00:19:22.960 --> 00:19:24.120 you know, or instead of like, 255 00:19:24.120 --> 00:19:25.840 hey, we've been chatting for a while. 256 00:19:25.840 --> 00:19:28.400 I'd like to have the opportunity to get to know you better. 257 00:19:28.400 --> 00:19:30.480 They're just like, what's your number? 258 00:19:30.480 --> 00:19:33.720 You know, and it just, it really upsets me, 259 00:19:33.720 --> 00:19:34.840 but I'm realizing like, 260 00:19:34.840 --> 00:19:37.560 I just don't want to be spoken to that way. 261 00:19:37.560 --> 00:19:39.280 And also I'm thinking like, 262 00:19:39.280 --> 00:19:41.400 if this is supposed to be your best foot forward 263 00:19:41.400 --> 00:19:44.520 and this is your idea of healthy communication, 264 00:19:45.120 --> 00:19:47.800 I don't want to communicate further 265 00:19:47.800 --> 00:19:49.000 with a person like this. 266 00:19:49.000 --> 00:19:53.120 So I'm a little, I just want to be careful about that, 267 00:19:53.120 --> 00:19:54.360 about the difference. 268 00:19:54.360 --> 00:19:56.080 Okay, that's really good. 269 00:19:56.080 --> 00:19:57.280 And I see you, Felicia. 270 00:19:57.280 --> 00:20:00.000 So what Natalie is talking about is the difference 271 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.080 between entitlement and empowerment. 272 00:20:03.080 --> 00:20:05.200 And so that's what we're going to journey from today 273 00:20:05.200 --> 00:20:08.360 in the next seven minutes, from entitlement to empowerment. 274 00:20:08.360 --> 00:20:13.000 So empowerment says, I don't prefer this style. 275 00:20:13.000 --> 00:20:15.440 I'm going to go ahead and make a decision 276 00:20:15.440 --> 00:20:17.720 that we're not going to talk. 277 00:20:17.720 --> 00:20:18.560 That's empower. 278 00:20:18.560 --> 00:20:23.280 I'm empowered to say this doesn't work for me. 279 00:20:23.280 --> 00:20:24.560 OK. 280 00:20:24.560 --> 00:20:28.800 Now, in between there to her journey, 281 00:20:28.800 --> 00:20:31.720 it's a journey from one place to the next place. 282 00:20:31.720 --> 00:20:36.160 Because in between there, we can make a lot of judgments. 283 00:20:36.160 --> 00:20:37.680 So the judgment is, how could you 284 00:20:37.680 --> 00:20:39.240 talk to somebody like this? 285 00:20:39.240 --> 00:20:42.480 But what Natalie is saying is, this doesn't work for me. 286 00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:45.480 You decide quickly what doesn't work for you, 287 00:20:45.480 --> 00:20:48.040 but you also don't have to pass judgment on the individual 288 00:20:48.040 --> 00:20:50.360 because they don't do something the way you like it. 289 00:20:50.360 --> 00:20:52.440 And that's where the lines get blurry, 290 00:20:52.440 --> 00:20:54.880 because it does go into a sense of, 291 00:20:54.880 --> 00:20:56.240 I think this is disrespectful. 292 00:20:56.240 --> 00:20:57.160 I think this is this. 293 00:20:57.160 --> 00:20:58.040 I think this is this. 294 00:20:58.040 --> 00:21:01.000 Especially over, let's say, to take her example, 295 00:21:01.000 --> 00:21:03.720 the way a person spells a word. 296 00:21:03.720 --> 00:21:06.200 That's not her flavor. 297 00:21:06.200 --> 00:21:09.080 And the quicker you recognize what's not your flavor, 298 00:21:09.080 --> 00:21:10.640 the quickly you can make decisions 299 00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:17.000 about who you want to invest, exchange your time with. 300 00:21:17.000 --> 00:21:20.960 But is that ideally, is it disrespectful? 301 00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:21.760 No. 302 00:21:21.760 --> 00:21:25.280 But that's her judgment of that type of language. 303 00:21:25.280 --> 00:21:27.680 Does it make that person a disrespectful person? 304 00:21:27.680 --> 00:21:28.960 It doesn't. 305 00:21:28.960 --> 00:21:34.600 But that's her judgment of a person who uses those words. 306 00:21:34.600 --> 00:21:39.520 But it does not make that person those things. 307 00:21:39.520 --> 00:21:42.560 Are we following what I'm saying? 308 00:21:42.560 --> 00:21:44.200 Yes, that's helpful. 309 00:21:44.200 --> 00:21:47.920 Yeah, so what happens in entitlement 310 00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:51.120 is that we fail to see people as an individual who 311 00:21:51.120 --> 00:21:53.440 have their own style and their own flow. 312 00:21:53.440 --> 00:21:57.040 So just like Natalie could say, oh, well, that's disrespectful. 313 00:21:57.880 --> 00:22:00.920 A person could say, what do you mean? 314 00:22:00.920 --> 00:22:02.080 You know what? 315 00:22:02.080 --> 00:22:03.440 You got a problem, Natalie. 316 00:22:06.240 --> 00:22:08.520 Neither person is accepting the other person 317 00:22:08.520 --> 00:22:10.560 just for who they are. 318 00:22:10.560 --> 00:22:14.520 And an empowered person says, I see that we are different, 319 00:22:14.520 --> 00:22:17.960 and this doesn't work. 320 00:22:17.960 --> 00:22:21.440 And we want to go to empowered people 321 00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:24.520 where we don't have to make any type of judgment 322 00:22:24.520 --> 00:22:26.160 about the other person, but we quickly 323 00:22:26.160 --> 00:22:27.920 see that this doesn't work. 324 00:22:27.920 --> 00:22:30.760 Because that's their style, and they have the right 325 00:22:30.760 --> 00:22:32.400 to have that style. 326 00:22:32.400 --> 00:22:36.040 And I have my style, and I have the right to have my style. 327 00:22:36.040 --> 00:22:39.000 And I don't owe you an explanation for who I am 328 00:22:39.000 --> 00:22:40.240 and how I show up. 329 00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:42.200 Neither do you owe me an explanation 330 00:22:42.200 --> 00:22:46.160 for who you are and how you show up. 331 00:22:46.160 --> 00:22:52.160 But I can make a decision to say this doesn't serve me well. 332 00:22:52.160 --> 00:22:55.000 And that's what an empowered individual does. 333 00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:55.520 Felicia. 334 00:23:00.840 --> 00:23:03.960 Oh, yeah. 335 00:23:03.960 --> 00:23:05.560 As you were talking this evening, 336 00:23:05.560 --> 00:23:08.040 I kind of going to myself and realize, 337 00:23:08.040 --> 00:23:12.960 and I do know her, that entitlement was always 338 00:23:12.960 --> 00:23:15.640 a part of the way I speak. 339 00:23:15.640 --> 00:23:19.600 And I try to learn how to do it, as I said, being empowered. 340 00:23:19.600 --> 00:23:22.680 Because I was taught in other coaching how to influence 341 00:23:22.680 --> 00:23:25.800 someone instead of say, this is what I want. 342 00:23:25.800 --> 00:23:27.440 But I saw it coming up in. 343 00:23:27.440 --> 00:23:32.240 But first, I thought it was a little bit of guarded heart. 344 00:23:32.240 --> 00:23:34.760 I don't know how you want to respond to that. 345 00:23:34.760 --> 00:23:38.880 Where I felt that my heart is guarded, 346 00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:41.440 but not in a balanced way. 347 00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:45.920 And that is coming up. 348 00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:48.840 And also, as you were talking about the entitlement, 349 00:23:48.840 --> 00:23:52.400 I like this, and I don't like it that way. 350 00:23:52.600 --> 00:23:56.920 And I like it this way, and I don't want to do it that way. 351 00:23:56.920 --> 00:24:01.400 And as you're saying, if I see where entitlement 352 00:24:01.400 --> 00:24:05.520 is definitely a part of it. 353 00:24:05.520 --> 00:24:11.360 And this guy and I were talking very well. 354 00:24:11.360 --> 00:24:15.240 But I could find, I can see, based on how we're speaking, 355 00:24:15.240 --> 00:24:18.000 I could hear the entitlement in it. 356 00:24:18.000 --> 00:24:21.520 I could hear it in me. 357 00:24:21.520 --> 00:24:23.800 And like I said, the guarded heart is another thing 358 00:24:23.800 --> 00:24:26.400 that's out of balance. 359 00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:27.880 I never knew I was so guarded, 360 00:24:27.880 --> 00:24:30.320 but I knew I've heard that before, 361 00:24:30.320 --> 00:24:32.880 that I have walls up, right? 362 00:24:32.880 --> 00:24:36.240 So my, and I'm so ready always to deal with it, 363 00:24:36.240 --> 00:24:38.080 because I don't, I'm the kind of person, 364 00:24:38.080 --> 00:24:40.840 I don't play with those kind of emotions for long. 365 00:24:40.840 --> 00:24:44.600 I just want to process them so I can continue being healthy. 366 00:24:44.600 --> 00:24:48.520 But the entitlement is really, as you're so on point, 367 00:24:48.520 --> 00:24:50.360 I just grab hold of that and realize 368 00:24:50.400 --> 00:24:53.680 that I can say something, but it can be empowering, 369 00:24:53.680 --> 00:24:56.480 or I can influence someone to understand what I'm saying, 370 00:24:56.480 --> 00:24:59.040 rather than say, I don't like it this way. 371 00:24:59.040 --> 00:25:00.280 This is what I want. 372 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.720 I mean, I, when you said it, it really doesn't sound healthy, but it's true. 373 00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:10.560 I like to hear other people say, so I don't know how you can help me with that way. 374 00:25:10.560 --> 00:25:12.880 Like my question was, I had it written down. 375 00:25:12.880 --> 00:25:15.200 How can I soften up my guarded heart? 376 00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:20.000 And I know, you know, I spend time with the Lord and it's been very well since I've been 377 00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:22.320 figuring out this week that I do have it. 378 00:25:22.320 --> 00:25:26.320 I have been really paying attention really intentionally about it. 379 00:25:26.320 --> 00:25:31.920 Then I found it was a matter of surrender, something that I don't learn to, I'm learning 380 00:25:31.920 --> 00:25:38.160 how to, but it's not something that I was always able to surrender myself to someone 381 00:25:38.160 --> 00:25:39.360 that's going to be a tough one. 382 00:25:39.360 --> 00:25:44.640 But I know with God, it's possible that I can do that because I'm always protecting 383 00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:48.640 myself all my life, taking care of myself, but I'm ready to let it go. 384 00:25:48.640 --> 00:25:53.520 I'm ready to just walk in and let, you know, trust that God is sending that one. 385 00:25:53.520 --> 00:25:58.240 So I can surrender to that one and it's going to be all good. 386 00:25:58.240 --> 00:26:02.720 So those are the three things, the surrender, the entitlement and the guarded heart. 387 00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:09.600 Yeah, I want to, the guarded heart is a real thing, ladies, especially we've done life 388 00:26:09.600 --> 00:26:10.560 and you've been hurt. 389 00:26:11.280 --> 00:26:14.000 You've been in relationships, any type of relationships. 390 00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:17.120 It usually starts when we're very young to start guarding our hearts. 391 00:26:17.120 --> 00:26:19.360 It doesn't start with the man that you're dating. 392 00:26:19.360 --> 00:26:20.880 It started in your childhood. 393 00:26:20.880 --> 00:26:23.840 Like she said, all my life had to take care of myself and look for myself. 394 00:26:23.840 --> 00:26:25.680 You're talking to a single woman. 395 00:26:25.680 --> 00:26:27.920 Now, single woman got to take care of herself. 396 00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:30.880 We kind of go into our masculine role because we got to provide for ourself. 397 00:26:31.600 --> 00:26:33.680 There's already something built up in you. 398 00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:36.400 And what I want to say is be kind to yourself. 399 00:26:37.920 --> 00:26:42.720 I, within myself, did not have the ability to turn my heart to a man. 400 00:26:42.720 --> 00:26:43.920 I am aware of that. 401 00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:51.440 I told the Lord, you're going to have to help me turn my heart because I gave my heart to 402 00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:52.960 the Lord for safekeeping. 403 00:26:52.960 --> 00:26:58.960 And in time, I asked him to help me release it because we need that because you're in 404 00:26:58.960 --> 00:26:59.840 dating for discovery. 405 00:26:59.840 --> 00:27:01.680 So there's going to have to be a level of vulnerability. 406 00:27:01.680 --> 00:27:06.720 And this is where you get to practice levels of vulnerability without opening yourself 407 00:27:06.720 --> 00:27:09.040 completely up because that's not what's required. 408 00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:15.760 We open up in safety, not in I'm going to go against something and just do a thing. 409 00:27:16.640 --> 00:27:20.800 And I want you to hear me, hear me well, that your heart is guarded. 410 00:27:21.600 --> 00:27:23.920 You've been conditioned for this. 411 00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:29.200 Ladies, if you're single, you're taking care of yourself. 412 00:27:30.800 --> 00:27:33.200 If it's going to get got, you're the one getting it. 413 00:27:33.840 --> 00:27:36.480 If the bill going to get paid, you're the one paying it. 414 00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:40.560 Whatever has to be done, you're the one of somebody's going to take care of your children 415 00:27:40.560 --> 00:27:42.240 is you're the one doing it. 416 00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:45.920 And so within you naturally, this is already there. 417 00:27:45.920 --> 00:27:51.440 So you start dating and you're trying to force your natural self was naturally been built 418 00:27:51.440 --> 00:27:57.360 up in you to go against something instead of working with it and willing it like this 419 00:27:57.920 --> 00:27:59.760 and taking your time. 420 00:27:59.760 --> 00:28:07.680 In seeing people as people, the expectations you put on me is what calls you to be so guarded. 421 00:28:09.680 --> 00:28:14.640 And I know you may have never heard this, but what we, the expectation you're putting 422 00:28:14.640 --> 00:28:15.840 out is causing you to be guard. 423 00:28:15.840 --> 00:28:21.360 I guarantee you, if you saw that man like a person, you would not be guarded because 424 00:28:21.360 --> 00:28:23.760 you're not seeing him as a potential husband. 425 00:28:23.760 --> 00:28:26.480 You're not seeing him as a potential somebody who could hurt you. 426 00:28:26.960 --> 00:28:32.480 You're not seeing him as a potential person who could be lying to you. 427 00:28:32.480 --> 00:28:34.800 You're not seeing him as a potential rejection. 428 00:28:34.800 --> 00:28:36.960 You're not seeing him as a potential let down. 429 00:28:36.960 --> 00:28:40.960 You're not seeing him with the scarcity of the mindset, but you see him as a man that 430 00:28:40.960 --> 00:28:42.640 you're going out to coffee with. 431 00:28:42.640 --> 00:28:43.600 And that's it. 432 00:28:46.320 --> 00:28:49.920 It's our, it's, it's, it's, and it takes a programming. 433 00:28:49.920 --> 00:28:55.840 Like I told you guys, if you heard me, I tell myself this thing over and over and over and 434 00:28:56.800 --> 00:29:03.120 over again, I had to tell myself, and you have to train yourself into a new way of thinking. 435 00:29:06.480 --> 00:29:12.320 And it's worth it because you're going to have to one day see your husband as a man 436 00:29:12.320 --> 00:29:13.840 and not as an extension of you. 437 00:29:15.040 --> 00:29:19.920 You're going to have to see him as an individual with his own brain and own mind to think how 438 00:29:19.920 --> 00:29:22.800 he wants to choose to follow God. 439 00:29:22.800 --> 00:29:26.240 When he wants, just like you have the autonomy to do the same thing. 440 00:29:27.520 --> 00:29:33.440 The problem is men don't usually, unless they have an issue, but usually try to tell a woman 441 00:29:33.440 --> 00:29:35.840 how to be, unless he's controlling and all these, right. 442 00:29:35.840 --> 00:29:37.600 Abusive and all these other things. 443 00:29:37.600 --> 00:29:41.440 But usually women are the ones trying to will a person to be just like them. 444 00:29:42.000 --> 00:29:43.840 Think like me, be like me. 445 00:29:43.840 --> 00:29:44.880 I wouldn't do it that way. 446 00:29:44.880 --> 00:29:46.000 Why are you doing it this way? 447 00:29:47.360 --> 00:29:47.920 Right. 448 00:29:47.920 --> 00:29:52.400 And so I just want you to know that Felicia, the turning of your heart, these guards and 449 00:29:52.400 --> 00:29:56.320 these walls that you have up, it's not a real thing that they come just tumbling down and 450 00:29:56.320 --> 00:29:56.880 down. 451 00:29:56.880 --> 00:29:58.480 You just open it free. 452 00:29:58.480 --> 00:29:59.840 Some of these things are survival. 453 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.360 techniques and you're going to get to a point in life and you're going to get with someone that 454 00:30:03.360 --> 00:30:06.160 God brings into your life and you're not going to, you're going to realize you don't have to 455 00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:14.560 survive anymore. And the safer you feel with yourself first, there's not safety in another 456 00:30:14.560 --> 00:30:23.760 person till there's safety in you. The safety is in you when you trust you to make decisions 457 00:30:23.760 --> 00:30:31.120 without blowing it. That's why a lot of times when we, I coach first, I like to ask the question 458 00:30:31.120 --> 00:30:36.800 back. Why do you think that? Why do you think this is sleazy? Why do you think this? And I 459 00:30:36.800 --> 00:30:41.040 know sometimes like I hope they don't feel offended, but I need you to discover so that 460 00:30:41.040 --> 00:30:44.880 you can take courage that when you make a decision to bless and block, that it's a done deal. 461 00:30:45.600 --> 00:30:50.640 I am a learner. And when I share it with the coach, if they say, oh, it could have looked 462 00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:58.480 this way, you can say, okay, I'll try that next time. Because you recognize that you are a learner 463 00:30:58.480 --> 00:31:04.480 and you're growing and it's fun. And I am telling you that no decision that you're making right now, 464 00:31:04.480 --> 00:31:10.640 the whole world is not riding on it. Your marriage is not going down a hill in a basket, 465 00:31:10.640 --> 00:31:15.920 fast as it can go because of the decision you make to walk away from somebody or decision you 466 00:31:15.920 --> 00:31:20.080 make to stand your ground and advocate for yourself. You're going to lose something so good. 467 00:31:20.080 --> 00:31:23.840 Let me tell you something. If you are a woman that is filled with 468 00:31:23.840 --> 00:31:28.160 power when you stand your ground, and that is the man, he going to say, I like that woman. 469 00:31:30.720 --> 00:31:34.720 She knows what she wants. She values herself. She honors herself. 470 00:31:34.720 --> 00:31:38.160 The right man is going to see honor and he's going to want honor in his life. 471 00:31:42.000 --> 00:31:46.880 A kingdom man wants honor in his life. He wants peace in his life. 472 00:31:47.200 --> 00:31:51.040 And so you can't lose. That's what's so good. And I'm not going to preach any longer, 473 00:31:51.040 --> 00:31:55.920 but this is what's so good about the position that you're in. I'm telling you, you can't lose. 474 00:31:57.440 --> 00:32:03.440 Everything is a win for you in this season of your life. You are surrounded with a community. 475 00:32:03.440 --> 00:32:08.720 You have someone in your ear coaching you. You are a learner. Remember, I am a learner 476 00:32:08.720 --> 00:32:15.680 and I am learning and you should have fun because you're not doing it by yourself and you cannot lose. 477 00:32:17.040 --> 00:32:22.800 I'm going to just throw that in there. And so, yes, your heart is going to be guarded 478 00:32:23.440 --> 00:32:30.160 and that's okay. I'm trying to remember who, I think it was yours, Lolita. 479 00:32:34.320 --> 00:32:44.320 All right. My entitlement is because like you said, I take care of myself and I can 480 00:32:44.320 --> 00:32:51.440 do everything for myself. I want a man to take care of me and I really don't want him to take 481 00:32:51.440 --> 00:32:58.640 care of me, but I want a man to take care of me. You know what I'm saying? 482 00:33:00.880 --> 00:33:05.680 I know. I've been working. You think I need somebody else to come along now? I got to see 483 00:33:05.680 --> 00:33:16.960 a working husband. Right. That's the nature of a woman to be cared for. But go ahead. 484 00:33:19.280 --> 00:33:26.640 So what I was saying, financially, he can take care of me. Like I said, I don't need him to, 485 00:33:27.280 --> 00:33:32.160 but I want him to want to do it. And then I'll be like, oh no, I got it. Whatever. 486 00:33:32.240 --> 00:33:34.720 But you know what I'm saying? Right. 487 00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:42.160 So that's my entitlement, I think. When you said entitlement, I was like, oh my goodness, 488 00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:49.600 that is my entitlement, definitely. So maybe your entitlement, let's define that a little 489 00:33:49.600 --> 00:33:55.760 bit more because now it's natural of a woman to desire to be cared for. I believe it's in our DNA 490 00:33:55.760 --> 00:34:01.600 we were made that way. Because your husband cares for you doesn't mean that you don't have businesses 491 00:34:01.600 --> 00:34:06.720 and ideas popping up in your mind. If you could get free from going to exchange your time for 492 00:34:06.720 --> 00:34:13.120 money, you can actually be more creative. Yeah. Now there are a lot of things in that. So your 493 00:34:13.120 --> 00:34:21.520 desire to be cared for is one thing, but you have purpose on your life. And so we always tie our, 494 00:34:21.520 --> 00:34:27.120 what we do for money, what we do, like work is purpose. But there's so many things on the inside 495 00:34:27.120 --> 00:34:33.120 of us that if we could get relief from having to be at a job, we can birth our purpose. But now this 496 00:34:33.120 --> 00:34:37.679 is an entitlement now, what I'm about to say now, that you feel like maybe if you're married to 497 00:34:37.679 --> 00:34:45.040 somebody that his money is your money. He owes you. Nobody owes you their money if they go to 498 00:34:45.040 --> 00:34:48.880 work every day. Because if I came into your life and told you that you owe me your money, 499 00:34:48.880 --> 00:34:55.440 you're going to look at me like I'm crazy. So is it an entitled thing to believe that 500 00:34:55.440 --> 00:34:59.760 something you go out and work for that you owe me was yours? 501 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.800 Does that make sense? 502 00:35:01.800 --> 00:35:03.720 But rather than mind that, 503 00:35:03.720 --> 00:35:05.200 but rather than mindset that 504 00:35:05.200 --> 00:35:07.520 because we are in union together, 505 00:35:07.520 --> 00:35:09.240 we get to share our finances 506 00:35:09.240 --> 00:35:11.040 if that's the decision that we made. 507 00:35:12.080 --> 00:35:14.160 And I understand that you don't owe me, 508 00:35:14.160 --> 00:35:16.440 but because you honor and you love me, 509 00:35:16.440 --> 00:35:17.280 you give to me. 510 00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:18.760 Yeah. 511 00:35:18.760 --> 00:35:21.320 Because it produces appreciation in a woman 512 00:35:21.320 --> 00:35:24.160 and a man can feel the appreciation from that woman 513 00:35:24.160 --> 00:35:28.240 versus her feeling like you owe me because you married me. 514 00:35:28.280 --> 00:35:30.080 And that is a lie. 515 00:35:30.080 --> 00:35:32.520 Yeah, that's a lie, yeah. 516 00:35:32.520 --> 00:35:34.560 And it doesn't produce honor. 517 00:35:35.400 --> 00:35:37.920 It doesn't produce appreciation. 518 00:35:37.920 --> 00:35:39.800 And one way I want you guys to be able to tell 519 00:35:39.800 --> 00:35:41.920 if you're operating in entitlement, 520 00:35:41.920 --> 00:35:44.160 does it produce honor? 521 00:35:44.160 --> 00:35:46.960 Is it producing appreciation? 522 00:35:46.960 --> 00:35:48.200 Are you looking at that person 523 00:35:48.200 --> 00:35:50.880 with eyes of compassion and empathy? 524 00:35:52.040 --> 00:35:55.160 Or do you hear the accuser in your mind? 525 00:35:55.160 --> 00:35:57.760 The Bible says that love covers, 526 00:35:58.280 --> 00:36:00.840 but Satan is the accuser of the brethren. 527 00:36:02.040 --> 00:36:03.560 Just listen to your thoughts. 528 00:36:03.560 --> 00:36:05.920 If they're accusing, it's the enemy. 529 00:36:08.120 --> 00:36:09.760 I have one more thing to say. 530 00:36:09.760 --> 00:36:11.200 Go ahead. 531 00:36:11.200 --> 00:36:15.840 I was on a call with this guy from Philly 532 00:36:15.840 --> 00:36:17.480 and I always, you know, 533 00:36:17.480 --> 00:36:20.160 like the Philly accent and all this stuff. 534 00:36:20.160 --> 00:36:23.520 And I was talking to him and everything was pretty good, 535 00:36:23.520 --> 00:36:26.160 but he's a lot older than me. 536 00:36:28.200 --> 00:36:30.960 And he's a chaplain. 537 00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:33.800 He's a police chaplain. 538 00:36:33.800 --> 00:36:34.640 Yeah. 539 00:36:34.640 --> 00:36:36.320 But he was telling me stories 540 00:36:36.320 --> 00:36:40.160 about they're shooting around his way, 541 00:36:40.160 --> 00:36:43.360 bullets coming in his car. 542 00:36:43.360 --> 00:36:45.400 I'm like, I don't think I want to meet you. 543 00:36:45.400 --> 00:36:46.800 I don't think I want to date you. 544 00:36:46.800 --> 00:36:48.720 Like, I'm not going to go to your house 545 00:36:48.720 --> 00:36:50.480 and shoot around. 546 00:36:50.480 --> 00:36:52.760 Like, you know what I mean? 547 00:36:52.760 --> 00:36:56.400 Like, I feel like I worked hard to get out of that. 548 00:36:56.400 --> 00:36:58.160 Like, no. 549 00:36:58.160 --> 00:37:00.160 So that's my entitlement right there. 550 00:37:01.160 --> 00:37:03.000 No, that's not entitlement. 551 00:37:03.000 --> 00:37:04.120 You don't want that. 552 00:37:04.120 --> 00:37:06.480 You just made a choice that that's not the life you want. 553 00:37:06.480 --> 00:37:08.000 No, that's not entitlement. 554 00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:09.520 You're entitled. 555 00:37:09.520 --> 00:37:12.160 So you have a right to say, I don't want that life. 556 00:37:13.160 --> 00:37:14.280 Okay. 557 00:37:14.280 --> 00:37:19.280 I don't want you to confuse your rights with entitlement. 558 00:37:19.320 --> 00:37:20.960 All of us have the right to decide 559 00:37:20.960 --> 00:37:24.440 this is not something I desire in my life 560 00:37:24.480 --> 00:37:26.440 and I'm going to make a decision 561 00:37:26.440 --> 00:37:29.160 that I don't have to settle for things anymore. 562 00:37:30.120 --> 00:37:31.120 Right? 563 00:37:31.120 --> 00:37:31.960 You got it? 564 00:37:31.960 --> 00:37:32.800 Okay. 565 00:37:32.800 --> 00:37:34.120 So you're in a bad deadline. 566 00:37:35.880 --> 00:37:38.520 One thing I didn't touch on, I do see your hand, Kayla. 567 00:37:38.520 --> 00:37:41.560 One thing I didn't touch on, because I don't want to, 568 00:37:41.560 --> 00:37:43.000 I don't want, it's a lot more here, 569 00:37:43.000 --> 00:37:45.400 but I want you guys to be able to share it too. 570 00:37:47.480 --> 00:37:50.400 When we have, get to know a man 571 00:37:50.400 --> 00:37:54.080 and we expect him to make up for our past wounds and hurts, 572 00:37:55.400 --> 00:37:57.400 have you guys ever dated somebody 573 00:37:57.400 --> 00:37:59.000 and you tried to make them pay? 574 00:37:59.960 --> 00:38:01.200 You don't know that you're doing, 575 00:38:01.200 --> 00:38:05.320 but you want them to pay for what another man has done. 576 00:38:05.320 --> 00:38:07.800 And so before they even say something, 577 00:38:07.800 --> 00:38:10.000 you've already deemed them to be a liar. 578 00:38:12.000 --> 00:38:14.600 But you really can't trust what they saying anyway. 579 00:38:15.880 --> 00:38:16.720 I don't know. 580 00:38:16.720 --> 00:38:17.920 Now I need to be suspect. 581 00:38:17.920 --> 00:38:20.880 I'm going to have to watch you because you never know. 582 00:38:21.880 --> 00:38:23.160 Okay. 583 00:38:23.160 --> 00:38:24.840 That's suspicion. 584 00:38:25.920 --> 00:38:29.200 And it is a form of making someone else pay 585 00:38:29.200 --> 00:38:31.600 for a wound that someone has caused. 586 00:38:31.600 --> 00:38:33.200 Let's see. 587 00:38:33.200 --> 00:38:34.400 Does that make sense? 588 00:38:36.360 --> 00:38:39.280 And so listen to those, 589 00:38:39.280 --> 00:38:41.400 listen to those voices in your mind. 590 00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:44.080 Listen to yourself. 591 00:38:45.160 --> 00:38:47.600 Those thoughts are going to speak. 592 00:38:47.600 --> 00:38:49.240 And I want you to be mindful 593 00:38:49.240 --> 00:38:51.040 that you're not causing someone else to pay 594 00:38:51.040 --> 00:38:52.800 for what someone else did. 595 00:38:52.800 --> 00:38:54.200 It's very easy. 596 00:38:54.200 --> 00:38:55.040 How do I know? 597 00:38:55.040 --> 00:38:57.200 Because I was the queen of it. 598 00:38:58.400 --> 00:39:02.360 I have to watch my thoughts so well 599 00:39:02.360 --> 00:39:04.640 because I was the queen of it. 600 00:39:04.640 --> 00:39:06.360 And I will still reign. 601 00:39:06.360 --> 00:39:09.600 And if I didn't have sense enough to listen to myself 602 00:39:09.600 --> 00:39:11.480 and correct myself quickly. 603 00:39:13.200 --> 00:39:14.920 Jackie said this in one of her teachings 604 00:39:14.920 --> 00:39:16.960 about our, the way we love, you know, 605 00:39:16.960 --> 00:39:19.840 like whether you are anxious or avoidant. 606 00:39:19.840 --> 00:39:22.600 She said, a lot of times, it's not that we, 607 00:39:22.600 --> 00:39:23.760 maybe we can't change 608 00:39:23.760 --> 00:39:26.000 because those patterns are created so early. 609 00:39:26.000 --> 00:39:29.440 But when we hear them, we can bend and go the other way. 610 00:39:31.840 --> 00:39:32.680 Okay. 611 00:39:32.680 --> 00:39:36.480 I had this really toxic trait in me that still pops up now. 612 00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:40.160 I am more attracted to a man if I argue and fight with him. 613 00:39:40.160 --> 00:39:41.480 Not fist fight. 614 00:39:41.480 --> 00:39:44.320 But if I argue with him, I'm attracted. 615 00:39:44.320 --> 00:39:45.920 It's like, ooh, I like that. 616 00:39:45.920 --> 00:39:47.480 That's toxic. 617 00:39:47.480 --> 00:39:50.160 I learned to love that way. 618 00:39:50.160 --> 00:39:52.120 And so does it still exist in me? 619 00:39:52.120 --> 00:39:52.960 Yes. 620 00:39:52.960 --> 00:39:54.960 But do I let it have life in me? 621 00:39:54.960 --> 00:39:56.080 No, I do not. 622 00:39:58.200 --> 00:40:00.200 And so when I feel it coming up. 623 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.600 But when I hear it, I say, hey, no, that's not healthy. 624 00:40:04.600 --> 00:40:06.600 And I nip it in the bud. 625 00:40:06.600 --> 00:40:08.480 And so we have to listen to ourselves, 626 00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:10.000 listen for entitlement cues. 627 00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:12.560 And when we hear them, we redirect ourselves. 628 00:40:12.560 --> 00:40:15.560 And we remind ourselves that this is a person. 629 00:40:15.560 --> 00:40:17.800 They have the right to be who they are. 630 00:40:17.800 --> 00:40:19.560 I have the right to be who I am. 631 00:40:19.560 --> 00:40:24.520 And I'm going to make a powerful decision and disconnect. 632 00:40:24.520 --> 00:40:27.920 Let people be who they are and stop asking them 633 00:40:27.920 --> 00:40:31.840 to be somebody for your sake. 634 00:40:31.840 --> 00:40:33.920 And so one of the things, and if you're in here, 635 00:40:33.920 --> 00:40:35.040 I'm not just peeking on you. 636 00:40:35.040 --> 00:40:36.200 We pull from the post. 637 00:40:36.200 --> 00:40:38.040 But somebody said, and I asked them, 638 00:40:38.040 --> 00:40:40.240 the person said, I can't believe that person, 639 00:40:40.240 --> 00:40:42.160 they know I'm a devout Christian. 640 00:40:42.160 --> 00:40:43.640 Well, you're not the first woman who 641 00:40:43.640 --> 00:40:45.600 said that every woman says that. 642 00:40:45.600 --> 00:40:48.600 I cannot believe they're using this foul language. 643 00:40:48.600 --> 00:40:50.100 If you've ever said that as a woman, 644 00:40:50.100 --> 00:40:51.400 you could just wave your hand. 645 00:40:51.400 --> 00:40:55.520 Like, I can't believe they talking to me like this. 646 00:40:55.520 --> 00:40:56.680 But this is what they said. 647 00:40:57.320 --> 00:41:00.520 Well, they talking like that and Jesus hears them. 648 00:41:00.520 --> 00:41:02.760 Who are you? 649 00:41:02.760 --> 00:41:05.440 Like, who do you really think you are? 650 00:41:05.440 --> 00:41:08.960 That's the question you should ask back to yourself. 651 00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:12.840 If this person dishonors their God, who am I? 652 00:41:17.520 --> 00:41:19.600 This is who they are. 653 00:41:19.600 --> 00:41:22.560 And my powerful decision that I get to make is to say, 654 00:41:22.560 --> 00:41:23.800 you know what? 655 00:41:23.840 --> 00:41:27.080 I really don't enjoy foul language. 656 00:41:27.080 --> 00:41:28.960 It's not going to work for me. 657 00:41:28.960 --> 00:41:30.960 And it's OK that they curse. 658 00:41:30.960 --> 00:41:33.360 Because they get the right to use any word they want. 659 00:41:33.360 --> 00:41:35.720 Like, I get the right to use any word I want, 660 00:41:35.720 --> 00:41:37.880 and I don't use that word, and they do. 661 00:41:37.880 --> 00:41:40.320 And that's OK with me. 662 00:41:40.320 --> 00:41:47.160 I have friends who cuss up a storm, and I love them. 663 00:41:47.160 --> 00:41:49.720 I don't care that they curse. 664 00:41:49.720 --> 00:41:52.800 But all of a sudden, when it comes to a man, which 665 00:41:52.800 --> 00:41:55.000 if you consider him for a husband, I get that. 666 00:41:55.000 --> 00:41:57.120 I'm not saying that. 667 00:41:57.120 --> 00:41:59.840 If this man says he's righteous in his language, 668 00:41:59.840 --> 00:42:03.640 his fruits speak a different thing, well, it don't work. 669 00:42:03.640 --> 00:42:04.880 That's not what I'm saying. 670 00:42:04.880 --> 00:42:06.000 Don't hear that. 671 00:42:06.000 --> 00:42:08.440 But I am just saying, have the ability 672 00:42:08.440 --> 00:42:10.000 to see people for who they are, then 673 00:42:10.000 --> 00:42:11.640 make a powerful decision whether you 674 00:42:11.640 --> 00:42:16.240 want to carry on with them as a part of your life. 675 00:42:16.240 --> 00:42:19.880 And we're dating for discovery. 676 00:42:19.880 --> 00:42:21.840 And it's really good when you discover 677 00:42:21.840 --> 00:42:23.440 that thought in your head that says, 678 00:42:23.440 --> 00:42:26.280 how dare he curse in front of me? 679 00:42:26.280 --> 00:42:28.120 Well, isn't that a good thought to discover? 680 00:42:31.520 --> 00:42:34.840 One day, your lovely, God-sent husband 681 00:42:34.840 --> 00:42:39.400 is going to do a lot of things that you don't like. 682 00:42:39.400 --> 00:42:40.440 How do I know? 683 00:42:40.440 --> 00:42:43.760 Because love is built from forgiveness 684 00:42:43.760 --> 00:42:48.480 over and over and over and over and over and over again. 685 00:42:48.480 --> 00:42:49.480 How do I know that? 686 00:42:49.520 --> 00:42:53.160 Because that's what Jesus does for us. 687 00:42:53.160 --> 00:42:56.880 He gives us mercy, grace, forgiveness. 688 00:42:56.880 --> 00:42:58.840 That's what love looks like. 689 00:42:58.840 --> 00:43:01.160 And if you believe that love looks like something else, 690 00:43:01.160 --> 00:43:05.120 a news flash, it doesn't. 691 00:43:05.120 --> 00:43:06.560 It looks like forgiveness. 692 00:43:06.560 --> 00:43:07.960 It looks like mercy. 693 00:43:07.960 --> 00:43:09.280 It looks like justice. 694 00:43:09.280 --> 00:43:10.360 It looks like truth. 695 00:43:13.600 --> 00:43:16.680 It just is. 696 00:43:16.680 --> 00:43:19.320 The Bible says that whom much is forgiven, 697 00:43:19.320 --> 00:43:22.880 they love much more. 698 00:43:22.880 --> 00:43:23.600 OK? 699 00:43:23.600 --> 00:43:24.760 So Kaelin. 700 00:43:29.320 --> 00:43:30.760 Hey, I'm so sorry. 701 00:43:30.760 --> 00:43:32.920 I got in later. 702 00:43:32.920 --> 00:43:35.160 And what I had to say is not on entitlement. 703 00:43:35.160 --> 00:43:36.960 So you want to come back to me later? 704 00:43:36.960 --> 00:43:38.600 It was just a question. 705 00:43:38.600 --> 00:43:40.440 It's OK. 706 00:43:40.440 --> 00:43:41.720 No, no, no, you're good, Kaelin. 707 00:43:41.720 --> 00:43:43.200 We're going to open up for coaching. 708 00:43:43.200 --> 00:43:44.520 And then when we coach, if you guys 709 00:43:44.520 --> 00:43:45.840 have another thought on entitlement, 710 00:43:45.840 --> 00:43:47.440 we may pick back up on it again next week 711 00:43:47.440 --> 00:43:48.920 because we can dig through so much. 712 00:43:49.000 --> 00:43:52.040 And I want you guys to be able to expose your thoughts 713 00:43:52.040 --> 00:43:58.880 because upon exposure, you can work things differently. 714 00:43:58.880 --> 00:44:01.200 I am very vulnerable and open because I 715 00:44:01.200 --> 00:44:04.080 learned a long time ago that when I lay it out, 716 00:44:04.080 --> 00:44:06.160 nothing is hidden. 717 00:44:06.160 --> 00:44:07.760 And if I can bring it to the light, 718 00:44:07.760 --> 00:44:09.520 I believe with everything in me, if I 719 00:44:09.520 --> 00:44:13.600 can get it to the light, I can deal with this thing. 720 00:44:13.600 --> 00:44:15.360 Yes. 721 00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:17.440 That's a principle of law that works in me. 722 00:44:17.440 --> 00:44:20.600 And so I just throw it out there all the time. 723 00:44:20.600 --> 00:44:22.400 OK, go for it, Kaelin. 724 00:44:22.400 --> 00:44:25.000 OK, so I think I posted it in the group, 725 00:44:25.000 --> 00:44:26.280 but I wanted to address it here. 726 00:44:26.280 --> 00:44:29.440 And then also, another thing, I realized 727 00:44:29.440 --> 00:44:31.600 that I just watched the boundaries video 728 00:44:31.600 --> 00:44:35.120 and I've already gone too far spiritually with somebody. 729 00:44:35.120 --> 00:44:37.000 So how do you take that? 730 00:44:37.000 --> 00:44:38.280 You can't take it back. 731 00:44:38.280 --> 00:44:39.200 I don't know. 732 00:44:39.200 --> 00:44:40.080 It's nothing. 733 00:44:40.080 --> 00:44:40.720 I'm like you. 734 00:44:40.720 --> 00:44:42.040 I'm very vulnerable. 735 00:44:42.040 --> 00:44:44.240 I'll be talking to a stranger about everything 736 00:44:44.240 --> 00:44:46.440 the Lord has done for me, and I'm not ashamed. 737 00:44:46.440 --> 00:44:48.240 So I'm like, how do you? 738 00:44:48.240 --> 00:44:49.400 I'm confused. 739 00:44:49.400 --> 00:44:51.520 How do I? 740 00:44:51.520 --> 00:44:53.400 You know, like. 741 00:44:53.400 --> 00:44:55.760 Well, Kaelin, so let's talk about what 742 00:44:55.760 --> 00:44:58.600 does that look like when we talk about spiritual things. 743 00:44:58.600 --> 00:45:01.160 So what you want to do is say. 744 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.280 Hey, if you're just testifying that God is good, 745 00:45:02.280 --> 00:45:04.040 he's done some amazing things in my life, 746 00:45:04.040 --> 00:45:06.260 that's one thing. 747 00:45:06.260 --> 00:45:08.160 We do that when we evangelize, right? 748 00:45:08.160 --> 00:45:10.260 You go out and you make somebody tell me your God story, 749 00:45:10.260 --> 00:45:11.980 let me tell you what God has done for me. 750 00:45:11.980 --> 00:45:13.360 That's one thing. 751 00:45:13.360 --> 00:45:16.080 Spiritual boundaries, when you're getting to know a person, 752 00:45:16.080 --> 00:45:17.920 if you wanna be a healthy connection, 753 00:45:17.920 --> 00:45:19.120 we're not praying together, 754 00:45:19.120 --> 00:45:21.200 we're not reading the Bible together. 755 00:45:21.200 --> 00:45:23.680 Because those things make you believe 756 00:45:23.680 --> 00:45:25.720 you know a person better than you do. 757 00:45:25.720 --> 00:45:26.560 True. 758 00:45:26.560 --> 00:45:27.400 You don't know them. 759 00:45:27.400 --> 00:45:29.040 You really don't know them. 760 00:45:29.040 --> 00:45:30.120 And so when you do that, 761 00:45:30.120 --> 00:45:31.560 that makes you think you know them. 762 00:45:31.560 --> 00:45:35.480 So don't worry, even if you have done some things, 763 00:45:35.480 --> 00:45:39.800 you guys, we are learners. 764 00:45:39.800 --> 00:45:41.160 And it's supposed to be fun. 765 00:45:41.160 --> 00:45:43.200 I love the way you even laughed about it. 766 00:45:43.200 --> 00:45:44.040 And you did a great job. 767 00:45:44.040 --> 00:45:44.880 I did? 768 00:45:44.880 --> 00:45:47.280 You were like, oh, I messed up already? 769 00:45:47.280 --> 00:45:50.760 Oh, no, no, no, you can't mess up. 770 00:45:50.760 --> 00:45:51.840 You can't mess up. 771 00:45:51.840 --> 00:45:53.680 When God is writing your love story, 772 00:45:53.680 --> 00:45:56.600 he is giving you permission to have fun. 773 00:45:56.600 --> 00:45:57.440 Okay, thank you for that. 774 00:45:57.600 --> 00:45:59.240 Go have fun. 775 00:45:59.240 --> 00:46:02.240 I know, and I do trust that he's gonna protect me. 776 00:46:02.240 --> 00:46:05.080 Like, yeah, anyway, second question. 777 00:46:05.080 --> 00:46:06.400 So there's this guy, 778 00:46:06.400 --> 00:46:08.080 I know this is like a typical story, 779 00:46:08.080 --> 00:46:10.320 but I need to like confess this 780 00:46:10.320 --> 00:46:12.360 so that I can be healed and maybe other people 781 00:46:12.360 --> 00:46:14.400 and be set free and yeah. 782 00:46:14.400 --> 00:46:16.920 So this guy for a couple years at church, 783 00:46:16.920 --> 00:46:18.240 this is gonna sound crazy, y'all, 784 00:46:18.240 --> 00:46:21.400 but he like pops up everywhere. 785 00:46:21.400 --> 00:46:23.320 I'm telling you, I go to the bank. 786 00:46:23.320 --> 00:46:24.520 I wasn't even gonna go in. 787 00:46:24.520 --> 00:46:25.920 I was gonna go through the drive-thru, 788 00:46:26.880 --> 00:46:28.640 like the thing wouldn't fit in the tube, 789 00:46:28.640 --> 00:46:29.480 so I had to go in. 790 00:46:29.480 --> 00:46:30.600 He's in there two minutes later. 791 00:46:30.600 --> 00:46:33.400 It's like coincidence after coincidence is weird. 792 00:46:33.400 --> 00:46:35.320 I would go to the bathroom, he's right there. 793 00:46:35.320 --> 00:46:39.960 Like not creepy, but like, I can't explain it. 794 00:46:39.960 --> 00:46:43.920 I feel like, I know this sounds crazy too, 795 00:46:43.920 --> 00:46:46.160 but like from different things that have been said, 796 00:46:46.160 --> 00:46:49.600 I feel like my pastor is like wanting to hook us up. 797 00:46:49.600 --> 00:46:51.120 I feel like there's this pressure 798 00:46:51.120 --> 00:46:52.520 in the atmosphere for that. 799 00:46:52.840 --> 00:46:55.720 Like when I said that he's not that cute, 800 00:46:55.720 --> 00:46:57.920 physical doesn't matter as much to me 801 00:46:57.920 --> 00:47:00.280 as your spiritual, like everything else. 802 00:47:00.280 --> 00:47:01.640 I can, even if you're not that cute, 803 00:47:01.640 --> 00:47:04.120 I can, I'm gonna be accepting of you. 804 00:47:04.120 --> 00:47:05.640 But the point is I'm like, 805 00:47:05.640 --> 00:47:07.840 I feel like confusion is not from the Lord, 806 00:47:07.840 --> 00:47:10.280 but I also know that there have been open doors 807 00:47:10.280 --> 00:47:13.920 from the Lord that I have complicated and made confused 808 00:47:13.920 --> 00:47:16.040 because I wasn't taking his signs. 809 00:47:16.040 --> 00:47:18.360 And like my job right now is an example. 810 00:47:18.360 --> 00:47:20.800 I know that was from the Lord now that I'm in it 811 00:47:20.800 --> 00:47:24.320 and after, but I had to complicate it before. 812 00:47:24.320 --> 00:47:27.200 And so there's been little things and I'm like, 813 00:47:27.200 --> 00:47:28.600 do I need to ask him out? 814 00:47:28.600 --> 00:47:29.440 Do I not? 815 00:47:29.440 --> 00:47:31.040 We're both, I don't work for the church, 816 00:47:31.040 --> 00:47:32.640 but I serve in many capacities. 817 00:47:32.640 --> 00:47:33.920 He's on the worship team. 818 00:47:33.920 --> 00:47:37.600 So I don't wanna be like weird about it, you know, 819 00:47:37.600 --> 00:47:39.080 but I don't know what to do. 820 00:47:39.080 --> 00:47:42.080 There's a whole lot more details to the story. 821 00:47:42.080 --> 00:47:44.680 So I don't know if that's good enough, but. 822 00:47:44.680 --> 00:47:47.720 Yeah, do you deem him a safe person? 823 00:47:47.720 --> 00:47:49.760 I do deem him as safe. 824 00:47:49.920 --> 00:47:53.160 Yeah, I don't think he would be harmful or anything. 825 00:47:53.160 --> 00:47:54.040 Oh, good. 826 00:47:54.040 --> 00:47:55.680 Well, what you can do is you can ask him 827 00:47:55.680 --> 00:47:57.320 if he wants to grab a cup of coffee, 828 00:47:57.320 --> 00:47:59.200 hang out after service. 829 00:47:59.200 --> 00:48:01.520 Okay, that's hard for me. 830 00:48:01.520 --> 00:48:03.840 That's why I needed your help. 831 00:48:03.840 --> 00:48:06.200 Yeah, cause I'm like, 832 00:48:06.200 --> 00:48:07.680 I feel like they're supposed to do that, 833 00:48:07.680 --> 00:48:10.280 but I have on the date maps, I have started. 834 00:48:10.280 --> 00:48:13.080 I love, I have started liking people first. 835 00:48:13.080 --> 00:48:17.520 Like I've been trying, but I feel like he should do that. 836 00:48:17.520 --> 00:48:20.200 But there's been times where he's come up to me 837 00:48:20.200 --> 00:48:22.640 and he's so like stumbly with his words, 838 00:48:22.640 --> 00:48:24.640 which I am too, if I'm nervous about you, 839 00:48:24.640 --> 00:48:26.280 cause now I feel like you feel some type of way. 840 00:48:26.280 --> 00:48:29.520 So now I feel some type of way and it's kind of like, 841 00:48:29.520 --> 00:48:30.560 you know. 842 00:48:30.560 --> 00:48:32.880 Well, I tell you what, 843 00:48:32.880 --> 00:48:35.520 I think the best way to do it is all in the language 844 00:48:35.520 --> 00:48:36.600 you use. 845 00:48:36.600 --> 00:48:38.520 Now, if you get somebody else involved, 846 00:48:38.520 --> 00:48:40.840 that's when you're gonna feel more pressure. 847 00:48:40.840 --> 00:48:41.680 Like. 848 00:48:41.680 --> 00:48:42.560 There has been other people. 849 00:48:42.560 --> 00:48:43.880 Yeah, like if you ask somebody, 850 00:48:43.880 --> 00:48:44.960 you go through somebody else 851 00:48:44.960 --> 00:48:46.280 and somebody else say something to him, 852 00:48:47.160 --> 00:48:49.040 and then let's say it don't quite work out. 853 00:48:49.040 --> 00:48:51.600 Now everybody in the circle know. 854 00:48:51.600 --> 00:48:53.800 Now, so what you can do is just say, 855 00:48:53.800 --> 00:48:55.680 Hey, you know, whatever his name is. 856 00:48:55.680 --> 00:48:57.760 Hey, John, how about we grab a cup of coffee? 857 00:48:57.760 --> 00:48:58.600 That's crazy. 858 00:48:58.600 --> 00:48:59.640 You said Josh. 859 00:48:59.640 --> 00:49:00.480 Oh, I said Josh. 860 00:49:00.480 --> 00:49:01.320 Okay. 861 00:49:01.320 --> 00:49:02.240 So you say, look Josh, 862 00:49:02.240 --> 00:49:03.880 how about we grab a cup of coffee and hang out 863 00:49:03.880 --> 00:49:04.720 after service? 864 00:49:04.720 --> 00:49:06.880 Let's get to know each other a little bit better. 865 00:49:06.880 --> 00:49:08.880 Did you hear my tone? 866 00:49:08.880 --> 00:49:11.120 It was very just calm, cool, and collect. 867 00:49:11.120 --> 00:49:13.200 Just calm, cool, and collected. 868 00:49:13.200 --> 00:49:15.280 And you can even say, 869 00:49:15.280 --> 00:49:17.520 Josh, I am kind of nervous about asking you this, 870 00:49:17.520 --> 00:49:19.400 but I want to know if you want to go get a cup of coffee 871 00:49:19.400 --> 00:49:20.560 and kind of hang out after service. 872 00:49:20.560 --> 00:49:22.480 Let's get to know each other better. 873 00:49:22.480 --> 00:49:23.320 Okay. 874 00:49:23.320 --> 00:49:24.680 And bring some, 875 00:49:24.680 --> 00:49:26.120 and it is hard, Kalen. 876 00:49:26.120 --> 00:49:27.320 It's not gonna be easy. 877 00:49:27.320 --> 00:49:28.160 It's gonna be very- 878 00:49:28.160 --> 00:49:30.160 It's hard, especially because he's so involved 879 00:49:30.160 --> 00:49:32.400 and I'm so involved and I don't want to be, 880 00:49:32.400 --> 00:49:33.600 you know what I'm saying? 881 00:49:33.600 --> 00:49:35.760 But I also, I feel like, 882 00:49:35.760 --> 00:49:37.000 I don't want to say I need closure, 883 00:49:37.000 --> 00:49:38.760 but I'm so tired of this coming up. 884 00:49:38.760 --> 00:49:39.920 Like it got to the point, 885 00:49:39.920 --> 00:49:41.440 and I know this probably sounds crazy, 886 00:49:41.440 --> 00:49:42.280 but I don't care. 887 00:49:42.280 --> 00:49:43.120 I'm gonna confess. 888 00:49:43.200 --> 00:49:45.200 Like I prayed about this dude, 889 00:49:45.200 --> 00:49:47.360 like fasted and prayed other things too. 890 00:49:47.360 --> 00:49:49.040 Like it was during a conference and everything, 891 00:49:49.040 --> 00:49:50.800 but I was like, Lord, I need a sign. 892 00:49:50.800 --> 00:49:52.400 He gave me this Hebrew symbol of, 893 00:49:52.400 --> 00:49:54.440 I can't, I'd have to draw it out for you, 894 00:49:54.440 --> 00:49:55.800 but it's Nun in Hebrew. 895 00:49:55.800 --> 00:49:56.800 You know what Nun means? 896 00:49:56.800 --> 00:49:59.880 One of the many meanings was Joshua, son of Nun. 897 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.960 I'm like, you got to be kidding me. 898 00:50:01.960 --> 00:50:03.640 You got to be kidding me. 899 00:50:03.640 --> 00:50:05.560 This is so fun. 900 00:50:05.560 --> 00:50:08.120 And you should do it, Kaylin. 901 00:50:08.120 --> 00:50:09.400 OK. 902 00:50:09.400 --> 00:50:11.640 You need to say something to him, Kaylin. 903 00:50:11.640 --> 00:50:13.160 And you need to say something. 904 00:50:13.160 --> 00:50:15.680 And you're going to have so much fun dropping the hanky. 905 00:50:15.680 --> 00:50:17.480 And you're going to be nervous. 906 00:50:17.480 --> 00:50:19.080 Your heart is going to be pounding. 907 00:50:19.080 --> 00:50:21.640 But I'm telling you, courage doesn't show up 908 00:50:21.640 --> 00:50:23.880 unless fear is around. 909 00:50:23.880 --> 00:50:26.320 Fear has to be at your door for courage to come. 910 00:50:26.320 --> 00:50:29.000 It's not going to come without the presence of fear. 911 00:50:29.000 --> 00:50:32.440 So just do it and go get some coffee 912 00:50:32.440 --> 00:50:34.240 or go get some ice cream. 913 00:50:34.240 --> 00:50:36.480 Get you some questions from Google 914 00:50:36.480 --> 00:50:38.760 called ice breaker dating questions. 915 00:50:38.760 --> 00:50:40.720 And ask questions like this. 916 00:50:40.720 --> 00:50:43.400 If you can be any character in the Bible, 917 00:50:43.400 --> 00:50:45.400 who would you be and why? 918 00:50:45.400 --> 00:50:47.720 Like you really want fun questions 919 00:50:47.720 --> 00:50:50.800 that give a light environment so that he can get to know you. 920 00:50:50.800 --> 00:50:53.480 And you can get to know him without this overhanging thing 921 00:50:53.480 --> 00:50:55.120 like, are you the one? 922 00:50:55.120 --> 00:50:57.680 You think God is saying we're the one to be together? 923 00:50:57.680 --> 00:50:58.200 Right. 924 00:50:58.200 --> 00:50:59.800 And there has been this thing. 925 00:50:59.800 --> 00:51:01.080 And I don't want that. 926 00:51:01.080 --> 00:51:02.240 You know what I'm saying? 927 00:51:02.240 --> 00:51:03.680 Because I'm totally fine. 928 00:51:03.680 --> 00:51:05.760 And then I'm like, do I need to prepare myself? 929 00:51:05.760 --> 00:51:07.400 I don't want to be expecting the worst. 930 00:51:07.400 --> 00:51:09.760 But do I prepare myself for, I don't even 931 00:51:09.760 --> 00:51:10.840 want to call it rejection. 932 00:51:10.840 --> 00:51:12.800 Because I hope the best for him and for me. 933 00:51:12.800 --> 00:51:13.760 You know? 934 00:51:13.760 --> 00:51:14.260 Yeah. 935 00:51:18.600 --> 00:51:19.320 Oh, shoot. 936 00:51:19.320 --> 00:51:20.600 I'm sorry. 937 00:51:20.600 --> 00:51:21.320 It's OK. 938 00:51:21.320 --> 00:51:21.840 It's OK. 939 00:51:21.840 --> 00:51:23.520 I think there was somebody else talking. 940 00:51:23.520 --> 00:51:24.280 I love it. 941 00:51:24.280 --> 00:51:27.280 Yeah. 942 00:51:27.320 --> 00:51:27.880 But go ahead. 943 00:51:27.880 --> 00:51:29.560 What were you saying? 944 00:51:29.560 --> 00:51:32.600 Like, how do I prepare for rejection? 945 00:51:32.600 --> 00:51:34.640 Like, it doesn't bother me with random people 946 00:51:34.640 --> 00:51:35.840 online that I've dealt with. 947 00:51:35.840 --> 00:51:39.880 But because it's harder, you know? 948 00:51:39.880 --> 00:51:42.040 Well, it is going to be harder because you're 949 00:51:42.040 --> 00:51:43.360 going to see him at church. 950 00:51:43.360 --> 00:51:45.240 So I'm giving you this other option. 951 00:51:45.240 --> 00:51:48.840 If there's someone that you trust that could go to him 952 00:51:48.840 --> 00:51:50.960 and ask him straight up, like, look, 953 00:51:50.960 --> 00:51:53.840 would you be interested in getting to know Kaelin better? 954 00:51:53.840 --> 00:51:55.960 I would love to make that connection for you. 955 00:51:55.960 --> 00:51:58.120 Not say Kaelin is interested in you. 956 00:51:58.120 --> 00:52:01.240 If you have one person that can go to him and say, 957 00:52:01.240 --> 00:52:03.600 I want to straight up know, are you interested in getting 958 00:52:03.600 --> 00:52:06.560 to know Kaelin better just as an individual? 959 00:52:06.560 --> 00:52:09.880 And then if so, I want to talk to her 960 00:52:09.880 --> 00:52:12.760 because I thought maybe y'all have a lot in common. 961 00:52:12.760 --> 00:52:13.720 OK. 962 00:52:13.720 --> 00:52:14.640 I'm not sure. 963 00:52:14.640 --> 00:52:17.160 I'd have to pray about that and see who the Lord reveals 964 00:52:17.160 --> 00:52:18.800 as a safe individual. 965 00:52:18.800 --> 00:52:21.920 But I'll do one or the other for sure. 966 00:52:21.920 --> 00:52:22.720 Yeah. 967 00:52:22.720 --> 00:52:25.440 So maybe if you had a person like that, you could do that. 968 00:52:26.280 --> 00:52:27.840 I think that'll work too for you. 969 00:52:27.840 --> 00:52:28.400 OK. 970 00:52:28.400 --> 00:52:29.320 I appreciate you. 971 00:52:29.320 --> 00:52:30.800 Thank you so much. 972 00:52:30.800 --> 00:52:32.680 You're welcome. 973 00:52:32.680 --> 00:52:33.800 Let's go, Natalie. 974 00:52:37.200 --> 00:52:40.840 You guys, let's do minute to two minutes. 975 00:52:40.840 --> 00:52:41.760 So you talk a minute. 976 00:52:41.760 --> 00:52:42.800 I talk two minutes. 977 00:52:42.800 --> 00:52:43.640 Got it? 978 00:52:43.640 --> 00:52:46.560 I want to get everybody in. 979 00:52:46.560 --> 00:52:47.600 Go, Natalie. 980 00:52:47.600 --> 00:52:48.960 OK. 981 00:52:48.960 --> 00:52:55.000 So I'm talking to a guy who went through a major transformation 982 00:52:55.000 --> 00:52:56.320 two years ago. 983 00:52:56.320 --> 00:53:01.200 And it's concerning for me because, and again, 984 00:53:01.200 --> 00:53:06.480 I don't want to judge him, but he's been married twice. 985 00:53:06.480 --> 00:53:10.960 And it's been the same reason why that marriage has failed 986 00:53:10.960 --> 00:53:14.840 because he's had an emotional affair each time 987 00:53:14.840 --> 00:53:21.280 due to his insecurity and lying and anger issues. 988 00:53:21.280 --> 00:53:23.320 But he's saying that two years ago, 989 00:53:23.320 --> 00:53:27.040 he had a come to Jesus moment and now he speaks Christianese 990 00:53:27.040 --> 00:53:31.280 and sending me, you know, oh, did you check the word of the day today? 991 00:53:31.280 --> 00:53:35.880 And oh, and we were like on the phone for like three and a half hours last night. 992 00:53:35.880 --> 00:53:39.520 And he sounds like a therapist, probably because he's gone through therapy. 993 00:53:39.520 --> 00:53:41.920 And it's like, I believe in second chances. 994 00:53:42.280 --> 00:53:45.240 But that just gives me anxiety. 995 00:53:45.320 --> 00:53:47.480 It's like it's just too much. 996 00:53:47.480 --> 00:53:50.680 And I don't know. 997 00:53:50.680 --> 00:53:51.520 I just don't know. 998 00:53:51.520 --> 00:53:53.000 I don't really know how to do that. 999 00:53:53.000 --> 00:53:55.400 But I think it kind of ties into our whole, you know, 1000 00:53:56.120 --> 00:53:58.800 entitlement, empowerment conversation, too. 1001 00:53:58.800 --> 00:54:02.240 But I'm thinking that this just doesn't work for me. 1002 00:54:02.240 --> 00:54:04.280 And I don't I don't know. 1003 00:54:04.280 --> 00:54:05.960 How long have you been knowing him? 1004 00:54:05.960 --> 00:54:09.280 I literally just met him over the phone last night. 1005 00:54:09.280 --> 00:54:14.080 So like we have been talking back and forth on like messaging 1006 00:54:14.080 --> 00:54:18.600 for maybe a couple of days a week the most. 1007 00:54:18.600 --> 00:54:21.040 And we spoke for the first time over the phone last night. 1008 00:54:22.000 --> 00:54:25.360 And what prompted him to tell you all those things about his history? 1009 00:54:25.960 --> 00:54:28.400 Because he wanted to know my testimony. 1010 00:54:28.920 --> 00:54:32.360 He's like, oh, I would love to hear how you became a Catholic 1011 00:54:32.360 --> 00:54:34.200 and from a Catholic to a Christian. 1012 00:54:34.200 --> 00:54:37.560 I was brought up in a in a Catholic home as well. 1013 00:54:38.000 --> 00:54:39.440 And I was like, oh, OK. 1014 00:54:39.440 --> 00:54:44.360 So I didn't mind sharing that, you know, about my testimony. 1015 00:54:44.360 --> 00:54:45.480 And I was like, how about you? 1016 00:54:45.480 --> 00:54:48.440 He's like, well, my testimony is more involved. 1017 00:54:48.440 --> 00:54:51.760 But, you know, you know, God's released me from shame now. 1018 00:54:51.760 --> 00:54:53.840 But this is my testimony. 1019 00:54:53.840 --> 00:54:59.000 And then he just spilled his guts like the whole story. 1020 00:54:59.000 --> 00:54:59.680 And I was like. 1021 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.280 Oh, I didn't see this coming. 1022 00:55:02.280 --> 00:55:05.200 So my two minutes is up. 1023 00:55:05.200 --> 00:55:07.200 Yeah, that's a good example, Natalie. 1024 00:55:07.200 --> 00:55:09.440 I just want to use that for an example right now. 1025 00:55:09.440 --> 00:55:11.280 You guys, she didn't ask for that. 1026 00:55:11.280 --> 00:55:13.720 And men are not coached, so they'll just share everything. 1027 00:55:13.720 --> 00:55:14.560 A lot of them do it. 1028 00:55:14.560 --> 00:55:16.200 And I'm going to try to talk fast. 1029 00:55:16.200 --> 00:55:18.120 But that's what happens when you share stuff 1030 00:55:18.120 --> 00:55:20.400 you shouldn't share too soon. 1031 00:55:20.400 --> 00:55:23.560 Because she didn't even have a chance to get to know him. 1032 00:55:23.560 --> 00:55:25.960 And so a lot of times, we think that we're so deep 1033 00:55:25.960 --> 00:55:27.000 and we just share stuff. 1034 00:55:27.000 --> 00:55:27.840 Don't do it. 1035 00:55:27.840 --> 00:55:29.560 This is why. 1036 00:55:29.600 --> 00:55:32.400 People are going to pack up and run from you. 1037 00:55:32.400 --> 00:55:36.040 Nobody wants to be involved in something like that. 1038 00:55:36.040 --> 00:55:39.240 They hadn't even got a chance to know you as an individual. 1039 00:55:39.240 --> 00:55:41.320 And now that she knows this information, 1040 00:55:41.320 --> 00:55:44.360 I can't tell Natalie to overlook that. 1041 00:55:44.360 --> 00:55:46.240 Show grace, I can't say it. 1042 00:55:46.240 --> 00:55:51.080 But that's going to be very hard for her as a woman 1043 00:55:51.080 --> 00:55:53.040 to move forward in something like that 1044 00:55:53.040 --> 00:55:55.080 when a person says they had an emotional affair 1045 00:55:55.080 --> 00:55:57.600 because the makeup of her as a woman. 1046 00:55:58.600 --> 00:56:02.000 It had been probably easier for if he said he cheated 1047 00:56:02.000 --> 00:56:04.360 with an actual woman than an emotional affair 1048 00:56:04.360 --> 00:56:06.960 because that emotional affair is very hard. 1049 00:56:06.960 --> 00:56:08.640 Women connect emotionally. 1050 00:56:08.640 --> 00:56:09.680 Like you can forgive someone 1051 00:56:09.680 --> 00:56:10.680 they said they cheated on their wife. 1052 00:56:10.680 --> 00:56:12.600 Like, okay, people do it, right? 1053 00:56:12.600 --> 00:56:14.240 Then you say you did it a second time. 1054 00:56:14.240 --> 00:56:16.760 He's like, wait a minute, this is a behavior. 1055 00:56:16.760 --> 00:56:19.160 And so that's not going to work for Natalie. 1056 00:56:19.160 --> 00:56:21.040 I can't convince her for that to work. 1057 00:56:21.040 --> 00:56:23.160 But I did want to use that an example to say 1058 00:56:23.160 --> 00:56:25.400 that's why we don't share things upfront, 1059 00:56:25.400 --> 00:56:28.520 emotional things, spiritual things and physical things. 1060 00:56:28.520 --> 00:56:29.880 You don't cross those boundaries 1061 00:56:29.880 --> 00:56:32.760 because it blurs everything. 1062 00:56:32.760 --> 00:56:36.160 And you can't get to know a person for who they are. 1063 00:56:36.160 --> 00:56:37.000 Thanks Natalie. 1064 00:56:37.000 --> 00:56:39.560 But yeah, the idea of this, 1065 00:56:41.760 --> 00:56:43.360 that ain't gonna work. 1066 00:56:43.360 --> 00:56:44.680 Yeah, yeah. 1067 00:56:45.560 --> 00:56:46.400 Heather. 1068 00:56:47.800 --> 00:56:48.880 Hi. 1069 00:56:48.880 --> 00:56:49.720 Hey. 1070 00:56:52.080 --> 00:56:53.440 I'm glad to be here tonight 1071 00:56:53.440 --> 00:56:55.640 because I tried to go to three 1072 00:56:55.640 --> 00:56:57.320 and then I realized I didn't have anybody to talk to 1073 00:56:57.320 --> 00:56:58.160 and I got questions. 1074 00:56:58.160 --> 00:56:59.320 So I was like, wait, too fast. 1075 00:56:59.320 --> 00:57:01.480 Let me come back to group two for a minute. 1076 00:57:03.760 --> 00:57:05.080 My question is this, 1077 00:57:05.080 --> 00:57:08.920 I am just reading it so I can read it correctly. 1078 00:57:08.920 --> 00:57:10.040 Well, now I lost it. 1079 00:57:10.040 --> 00:57:11.000 I guess nevermind. 1080 00:57:11.000 --> 00:57:14.560 But my question is, 1081 00:57:14.560 --> 00:57:18.360 I was typing, writing back and forth 1082 00:57:18.360 --> 00:57:21.480 to someone from Facebook dating stuff. 1083 00:57:21.480 --> 00:57:24.120 And he, I'm trying to date, 1084 00:57:24.120 --> 00:57:26.600 I'm seeking to date long distance 1085 00:57:26.600 --> 00:57:29.240 because I'm in Colorado for the summer in particular, 1086 00:57:29.240 --> 00:57:31.960 but in general, but I'm not interested in staying here. 1087 00:57:31.960 --> 00:57:34.000 I'd rather be on the East coast. 1088 00:57:34.000 --> 00:57:38.320 So I talked to someone who seems like a nice guy 1089 00:57:38.320 --> 00:57:40.440 or informationally seems like a good match. 1090 00:57:40.440 --> 00:57:43.440 And then he said, well, you know, 1091 00:57:43.440 --> 00:57:44.600 it seems like we have a lot in common. 1092 00:57:44.600 --> 00:57:46.000 That's really great. 1093 00:57:46.000 --> 00:57:47.960 My main question is, 1094 00:57:48.960 --> 00:57:51.680 how would long, what would longest, 1095 00:57:51.680 --> 00:57:52.520 I'm not phasing right, 1096 00:57:52.520 --> 00:57:55.760 but what would long distance dating look like to you? 1097 00:57:55.760 --> 00:57:57.040 How would we navigate that? 1098 00:57:57.040 --> 00:57:59.720 Because he's considering that. 1099 00:57:59.720 --> 00:58:02.080 And I know we've talked about, 1100 00:58:02.080 --> 00:58:03.080 you know, you want to see a person 1101 00:58:03.080 --> 00:58:04.680 within a certain amount of, you know, six weeks, 1102 00:58:04.680 --> 00:58:05.840 especially if they're long distance 1103 00:58:05.840 --> 00:58:07.200 and that's not an issue for me. 1104 00:58:07.200 --> 00:58:08.480 And, you know, you want to do this, 1105 00:58:08.480 --> 00:58:10.760 but I actually didn't know how to articulate 1106 00:58:10.760 --> 00:58:13.640 and respond to the question of 1107 00:58:13.640 --> 00:58:15.640 what does that look like to you? 1108 00:58:15.640 --> 00:58:19.080 And I don't, so me not knowing how to answer that 1109 00:58:19.080 --> 00:58:21.600 makes me feel like I'm going to make somebody run away. 1110 00:58:21.600 --> 00:58:22.920 Cause I'm like, I don't know, we can work it out. 1111 00:58:22.920 --> 00:58:24.080 You know, that's not, 1112 00:58:24.080 --> 00:58:27.240 this is somebody who's got a kid 1113 00:58:27.240 --> 00:58:28.080 and they really want to figure out like, 1114 00:58:28.080 --> 00:58:28.920 how does that work? 1115 00:58:28.920 --> 00:58:31.720 And I, in my head, I'm like, well, I can fly often. 1116 00:58:31.720 --> 00:58:33.800 I have a place that's in New York. 1117 00:58:33.800 --> 00:58:35.040 Okay, we're a couple hours away 1118 00:58:35.040 --> 00:58:37.200 and I don't really care in case he's in Delaware 1119 00:58:37.200 --> 00:58:39.160 and I can make the transition, 1120 00:58:39.160 --> 00:58:40.880 but it's all this inarticulate, 1121 00:58:40.880 --> 00:58:42.680 like blah, blah, blah in my brain, 1122 00:58:42.680 --> 00:58:45.440 as opposed to a cohesive answer 1123 00:58:46.280 --> 00:58:50.840 that would make sense to somebody who's like, 1124 00:58:50.840 --> 00:58:51.960 how would this work? 1125 00:58:51.960 --> 00:58:54.400 And I don't know how to answer it properly. 1126 00:58:54.400 --> 00:58:57.800 Yeah, Heather, are you more introverted? 1127 00:58:57.800 --> 00:59:01.360 Yes, I'm extroverted as in I perform for a living, 1128 00:59:01.360 --> 00:59:05.840 but when it comes to me, I'm introverted. 1129 00:59:05.840 --> 00:59:10.840 I struggle and I am more avoidant, so. 1130 00:59:11.720 --> 00:59:16.560 Yeah, I really enjoy introverted and extroverted individuals. 1131 00:59:16.560 --> 00:59:18.840 God needed both of us in the earth. 1132 00:59:18.840 --> 00:59:21.200 I love how you don't let something come out 1133 00:59:21.200 --> 00:59:22.680 until you have it together. 1134 00:59:23.720 --> 00:59:26.280 And I let stuff come out and I have to clean it up. 1135 00:59:28.800 --> 00:59:31.000 But, so what you're going to do is you're going to say, 1136 00:59:31.000 --> 00:59:33.160 we're going to be doing a lot of FaceTime 1137 00:59:33.160 --> 00:59:35.120 and we're going to do a lot more communication 1138 00:59:35.120 --> 00:59:37.320 because we won't be seeing each other. 1139 00:59:37.320 --> 00:59:39.320 And we'll try to plan our schedule 1140 00:59:39.320 --> 00:59:43.000 when we can get together and try to come both ways 1141 00:59:43.000 --> 00:59:44.280 since we're going to be traveling 1142 00:59:44.280 --> 00:59:48.080 and make those things happen so that we can do that. 1143 00:59:48.080 --> 00:59:51.760 Within six weeks, I would, at six weeks or a bit before, 1144 00:59:51.760 --> 00:59:53.080 I want us to go ahead and meet up 1145 00:59:53.080 --> 00:59:54.160 and see each other in person 1146 00:59:54.160 --> 00:59:56.480 before we begin to invest long-term. 1147 00:59:57.680 --> 00:59:59.920 And so the sooner we can meet up, the better. 1148 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.000 And after that, if we do decide to go on, go forth, 1149 01:00:03.000 --> 01:00:05.720 we know that it's going to require a lot of communication 1150 01:00:05.720 --> 01:00:10.360 and a lot of FaceTiming because we need to see each other. 1151 01:00:10.360 --> 01:00:14.280 The way I prefer to communicate is voice and FaceTime. 1152 01:00:14.280 --> 01:00:16.240 I am not a texter. 1153 01:00:16.240 --> 01:00:18.840 And I don't want to build a relationship over texting. 1154 01:00:18.840 --> 01:00:21.120 Actually, that would not be well until you guys 1155 01:00:21.120 --> 01:00:22.480 get to know each other pretty well 1156 01:00:22.480 --> 01:00:27.160 and know your tone and your expression of things. 1157 01:00:27.160 --> 01:00:31.920 And that's how you do a long-distance relationship. 1158 01:00:31.920 --> 01:00:34.000 OK. 1159 01:00:34.000 --> 01:00:35.320 We've done this all through text. 1160 01:00:35.320 --> 01:00:37.240 He hasn't actually asked me for my number yet. 1161 01:00:37.240 --> 01:00:40.120 And I just said communication is key. 1162 01:00:40.120 --> 01:00:45.520 And for me, I'm going to be out his area in like two weeks, 1163 01:00:45.520 --> 01:00:46.520 so it's not a problem. 1164 01:00:46.520 --> 01:00:48.800 But since we haven't actually had a conversation, 1165 01:00:48.800 --> 01:00:50.320 he hasn't asked me to talk to him, 1166 01:00:50.320 --> 01:00:53.640 I was like, well, that seems a little bit jumping the gun 1167 01:00:53.640 --> 01:00:55.200 even with that. 1168 01:00:55.200 --> 01:00:55.840 But thank you. 1169 01:00:55.840 --> 01:01:00.000 I'll work with those things and be more cohesive 1170 01:01:00.000 --> 01:01:01.200 when I put it together. 1171 01:01:01.200 --> 01:01:03.320 And circle back, yes, because I actually 1172 01:01:03.320 --> 01:01:07.840 do find him really interesting, at least on paper or screen. 1173 01:01:07.840 --> 01:01:10.280 And so I don't want to leave it kind 1174 01:01:10.280 --> 01:01:14.360 of hanging with an incoherent or not cohesive answer. 1175 01:01:14.360 --> 01:01:14.880 Yeah. 1176 01:01:14.880 --> 01:01:16.840 I think you also should add that you 1177 01:01:16.840 --> 01:01:18.120 seem like an interesting person. 1178 01:01:18.120 --> 01:01:20.000 I'm going to be up there in two weeks. 1179 01:01:20.000 --> 01:01:23.480 Because one thing about a man is before they invest their time, 1180 01:01:24.000 --> 01:01:27.120 a man invests more than a woman. 1181 01:01:27.120 --> 01:01:29.080 You may invest your heart and feelings, 1182 01:01:29.080 --> 01:01:30.600 but they have to carry the money. 1183 01:01:30.600 --> 01:01:33.680 They have to be able, as a man, to know that they can sustain 1184 01:01:33.680 --> 01:01:35.120 something financially. 1185 01:01:35.120 --> 01:01:36.920 That's where their mind is. 1186 01:01:36.920 --> 01:01:39.520 So when they say, well, how is this going to work 1187 01:01:39.520 --> 01:01:40.880 before I even start something? 1188 01:01:40.880 --> 01:01:42.640 And of course, they don't want to be hurt. 1189 01:01:42.640 --> 01:01:45.200 But before we even go down this road, what do you think? 1190 01:01:45.200 --> 01:01:48.800 What is this supposed to look like? 1191 01:01:48.800 --> 01:01:52.000 And so I think that's probably one of the upfront reasons 1192 01:01:52.000 --> 01:01:53.280 why he's saying that. 1193 01:01:54.280 --> 01:01:58.080 If he doesn't communicate well, the question 1194 01:01:58.080 --> 01:02:00.040 needs to be asked in two weeks. 1195 01:02:00.040 --> 01:02:02.480 Check out if he can communicate well. 1196 01:02:02.480 --> 01:02:04.160 If he can meet up when you come to town, 1197 01:02:04.160 --> 01:02:07.560 look at how much effort he puts in when you say, hey, 1198 01:02:07.560 --> 01:02:09.000 I'm coming to town in two weeks. 1199 01:02:09.000 --> 01:02:10.800 Let's get together then. 1200 01:02:10.800 --> 01:02:13.600 If he shows up, but if you have to like, 1201 01:02:13.600 --> 01:02:17.520 I'm sure you won't go for trying to hunt somebody down anyway. 1202 01:02:17.520 --> 01:02:20.600 But if you see that there's just a challenge with even meeting 1203 01:02:20.600 --> 01:02:24.200 for the first time, and you're bringing yourself to him, 1204 01:02:24.200 --> 01:02:26.440 and he's not putting in anything to get you there, 1205 01:02:26.440 --> 01:02:28.280 then that's going to give you some sickness. 1206 01:02:28.280 --> 01:02:30.680 Because you don't want to just work off a person's words. 1207 01:02:30.680 --> 01:02:34.240 You want to observe and see if this even is a possibility. 1208 01:02:34.240 --> 01:02:36.800 And you can just observe some things to know that. 1209 01:02:36.800 --> 01:02:38.880 He's probably going to be nervous and all of that. 1210 01:02:38.880 --> 01:02:42.000 You'll have to look past that part, right? 1211 01:02:42.000 --> 01:02:45.960 But you can tell if a person's interested. 1212 01:02:45.960 --> 01:02:46.440 OK. 1213 01:02:46.440 --> 01:02:46.840 Thank you. 1214 01:02:46.840 --> 01:02:47.360 Very helpful. 1215 01:02:47.360 --> 01:02:48.000 Appreciate it. 1216 01:02:48.000 --> 01:02:48.600 You're welcome. 1217 01:02:48.600 --> 01:02:50.680 Keep us updated. 1218 01:02:50.680 --> 01:02:53.360 Liz. 1219 01:02:53.360 --> 01:02:54.560 Liza. 1220 01:02:54.560 --> 01:02:59.880 Is it time to practice conversation, Liz? 1221 01:02:59.880 --> 01:03:01.480 But I'm going to give you guys some. 1222 01:03:01.480 --> 01:03:03.440 You want me to share, Liz? 1223 01:03:03.440 --> 01:03:04.240 Please go ahead. 1224 01:03:04.240 --> 01:03:06.960 I do have questions, but go ahead. 1225 01:03:06.960 --> 01:03:08.680 No, no, ask your question. 1226 01:03:08.680 --> 01:03:10.880 So my question is for two people. 1227 01:03:10.880 --> 01:03:14.360 Like one person says, it's honestly 1228 01:03:14.360 --> 01:03:18.080 so fascinating, the conversation that he started. 1229 01:03:18.080 --> 01:03:20.120 He's like, what's your love language? 1230 01:03:20.120 --> 01:03:21.600 What scriptures do you read? 1231 01:03:21.600 --> 01:03:24.320 Or what's your denomination of church? 1232 01:03:24.320 --> 01:03:25.720 Like what church do you go to? 1233 01:03:25.720 --> 01:03:29.040 How many siblings do you have? 1234 01:03:29.040 --> 01:03:32.600 First, I'm not comfortable sharing what my love language 1235 01:03:32.600 --> 01:03:34.520 is in the first question. 1236 01:03:34.520 --> 01:03:36.760 And I'm also not comfortable sharing what scriptures 1237 01:03:36.760 --> 01:03:38.480 I read in the first question. 1238 01:03:38.480 --> 01:03:40.760 So what do you think about that? 1239 01:03:40.760 --> 01:03:43.240 I mean, yeah, he was pretty much interested. 1240 01:03:43.240 --> 01:03:46.240 But I don't like those questions in the beginning. 1241 01:03:46.240 --> 01:03:46.960 Yeah. 1242 01:03:46.960 --> 01:03:49.480 And so you got something to take notes with, Liz. 1243 01:03:49.480 --> 01:03:50.760 Lizza? 1244 01:03:50.760 --> 01:03:51.680 Oh, good. 1245 01:03:51.680 --> 01:03:52.880 Write down this language. 1246 01:03:52.880 --> 01:03:54.400 Use this language all the time. 1247 01:03:54.400 --> 01:03:55.760 So you guys, let's just, if you've 1248 01:03:55.760 --> 01:03:58.440 been on the community wall, you heard Lizza tell her story. 1249 01:03:58.440 --> 01:03:59.680 She's never dated before. 1250 01:03:59.680 --> 01:04:03.480 And so we are giving her words to use conversation. 1251 01:04:03.480 --> 01:04:06.600 And so I told her we would do a little conversation with her 1252 01:04:06.600 --> 01:04:10.920 tonight so she can be more comfortable conversating. 1253 01:04:10.920 --> 01:04:14.760 So if you sit on the wall, her post is like, he said this. 1254 01:04:14.760 --> 01:04:17.200 And so he would say, hey, I spent today hiking, 1255 01:04:17.200 --> 01:04:19.240 talking to kids, doing some, some, some. 1256 01:04:19.240 --> 01:04:21.880 She would say, oh, good, nothing else. 1257 01:04:21.880 --> 01:04:25.040 Then he would say something like, and I'm making this up. 1258 01:04:25.040 --> 01:04:27.280 And I went to the grocery store and some, some, some. 1259 01:04:27.280 --> 01:04:28.760 She would say, great, nothing else. 1260 01:04:28.760 --> 01:04:33.360 And then she would tell me, he's not initiating. 1261 01:04:33.360 --> 01:04:38.720 You got to say something besides great or yeah or good. 1262 01:04:38.720 --> 01:04:40.960 And so what we're going to do tonight 1263 01:04:40.960 --> 01:04:44.080 is we're going to do a little conversation with Lizza. 1264 01:04:44.200 --> 01:04:47.160 And then any one of you guys can ask her a question 1265 01:04:47.160 --> 01:04:49.760 or ask me a question and I'll respond to you. 1266 01:04:49.760 --> 01:04:52.600 So to you, Lizza, somebody is going to say something to me. 1267 01:04:52.600 --> 01:04:54.200 I'm going to pick back up what they say 1268 01:04:54.200 --> 01:04:55.760 and say something back to them. 1269 01:04:55.760 --> 01:04:57.640 So whoever's going to do it when it's time, 1270 01:04:57.640 --> 01:04:59.240 just put your mic on and do it. 1271 01:04:59.240 --> 01:05:00.080 But Lizza. 1272 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.700 Let me give you this language that you're 1273 01:05:01.700 --> 01:05:04.060 going to say when a person asks you all these questions 1274 01:05:04.060 --> 01:05:06.300 that you're not interested in answering right now. 1275 01:05:06.300 --> 01:05:09.620 You're going to say, these are great questions. 1276 01:05:09.620 --> 01:05:11.220 We're going to hold them until I get 1277 01:05:11.220 --> 01:05:13.700 to know you a little bit better. 1278 01:05:13.700 --> 01:05:14.580 So that's right then. 1279 01:05:14.580 --> 01:05:16.420 These are great questions, but we're 1280 01:05:16.420 --> 01:05:17.820 going to hold out on answering them 1281 01:05:17.820 --> 01:05:21.140 until I get to know you better. 1282 01:05:21.140 --> 01:05:22.460 That's it. 1283 01:05:22.460 --> 01:05:24.460 Now, if you don't think they're great questions, 1284 01:05:24.460 --> 01:05:26.940 say, these are all questions, and maybe I'll 1285 01:05:26.940 --> 01:05:29.380 get a chance to answer them at a later time. 1286 01:05:30.380 --> 01:05:31.140 All right. 1287 01:05:31.140 --> 01:05:33.340 The same way when somebody gives an idea. 1288 01:05:33.340 --> 01:05:34.740 Doesn't have to be a great idea. 1289 01:05:34.740 --> 01:05:37.500 They can say, well, we can do, I don't know, we can go hiking. 1290 01:05:37.500 --> 01:05:39.340 That's an idea. 1291 01:05:39.340 --> 01:05:42.060 How about bowling or coffee? 1292 01:05:42.060 --> 01:05:42.980 Right? 1293 01:05:42.980 --> 01:05:44.380 Something like that. 1294 01:05:44.380 --> 01:05:45.540 All right. 1295 01:05:45.540 --> 01:05:46.740 Let that be your go-to language. 1296 01:05:46.740 --> 01:05:47.240 All right. 1297 01:05:47.240 --> 01:05:48.660 Somebody, talk to me. 1298 01:05:48.660 --> 01:05:51.580 Give me conversation so I can respond. 1299 01:05:51.580 --> 01:05:52.220 Anybody. 1300 01:05:53.220 --> 01:05:54.540 Come on, somebody. 1301 01:05:54.540 --> 01:05:58.060 Try to get to know me. 1302 01:05:58.060 --> 01:05:58.580 Go, maybe. 1303 01:05:58.580 --> 01:05:59.740 Can I ask a question? 1304 01:05:59.740 --> 01:06:00.780 Oh, Liz. 1305 01:06:00.780 --> 01:06:01.500 Yes, Liz. 1306 01:06:01.500 --> 01:06:03.900 Ask me a question. 1307 01:06:03.900 --> 01:06:05.660 But have you had a relationship before? 1308 01:06:05.660 --> 01:06:07.020 That's what I asked this man. 1309 01:06:07.020 --> 01:06:07.980 I was on the video call. 1310 01:06:07.980 --> 01:06:10.220 He's like, have you had a relationship before? 1311 01:06:10.220 --> 01:06:12.900 So I said, that's a question too soon. 1312 01:06:12.900 --> 01:06:15.180 Like, we'll discover that as we get to know each other. 1313 01:06:15.180 --> 01:06:18.140 And he's like, no, I don't think that's a pretty soon question 1314 01:06:18.140 --> 01:06:18.660 to ask. 1315 01:06:18.660 --> 01:06:19.460 And I'm like, OK. 1316 01:06:19.500 --> 01:06:21.660 I don't think that's a pretty soon question to ask. 1317 01:06:21.660 --> 01:06:22.660 And I'm like, OK. 1318 01:06:22.660 --> 01:06:24.100 I didn't know what to say. 1319 01:06:24.100 --> 01:06:25.900 So what would you respond to that? 1320 01:06:25.900 --> 01:06:29.180 You should say, he said, you've been in a relationship before. 1321 01:06:29.180 --> 01:06:31.460 So I have lots of relationships in my life. 1322 01:06:31.460 --> 01:06:32.500 Because you do. 1323 01:06:32.500 --> 01:06:34.220 You have a relationship with your family. 1324 01:06:34.220 --> 01:06:36.180 You have a relationship with people at your job. 1325 01:06:36.180 --> 01:06:38.660 You had lots of relationships before. 1326 01:06:38.660 --> 01:06:40.220 OK? 1327 01:06:40.220 --> 01:06:41.780 I would stay away from that question. 1328 01:06:41.780 --> 01:06:44.100 I don't even know why somebody would ask you that. 1329 01:06:44.100 --> 01:06:45.940 But that's not a question you want to answer. 1330 01:06:45.940 --> 01:06:47.520 And if you don't want to answer, say, 1331 01:06:47.520 --> 01:06:49.560 we're answering that question. 1332 01:06:49.560 --> 01:06:52.920 And we can move on to the next question, or we could not. 1333 01:06:52.920 --> 01:06:54.280 You have the right to say that. 1334 01:06:54.280 --> 01:06:56.360 And it doesn't matter if they stop talking to you. 1335 01:06:56.360 --> 01:06:57.320 Who cares? 1336 01:06:57.320 --> 01:06:58.640 You got so many people, baby. 1337 01:06:58.640 --> 01:06:59.560 You so pretty to me. 1338 01:06:59.560 --> 01:07:00.720 It's going to be all over you. 1339 01:07:00.720 --> 01:07:01.600 Don't worry about it. 1340 01:07:01.600 --> 01:07:03.920 You got lots more to come your way. 1341 01:07:03.920 --> 01:07:06.000 I want everybody to think that way, though. 1342 01:07:06.000 --> 01:07:07.120 They going to keep coming. 1343 01:07:07.120 --> 01:07:08.720 I know you may think they ain't. 1344 01:07:08.720 --> 01:07:09.920 But they will. 1345 01:07:09.920 --> 01:07:11.760 All right, somebody asked me a question. 1346 01:07:11.760 --> 01:07:13.840 And Liz, you can ask me any question you want. 1347 01:07:13.840 --> 01:07:15.440 But did they answer you? 1348 01:07:15.440 --> 01:07:17.120 Oh, what brought me to the app? 1349 01:07:17.120 --> 01:07:19.640 Oh, that is an infamous one. 1350 01:07:19.640 --> 01:07:22.440 Why are you still single? 1351 01:07:22.440 --> 01:07:24.000 Right? 1352 01:07:24.000 --> 01:07:25.480 And this is what I say. 1353 01:07:25.480 --> 01:07:26.760 Why are you still single? 1354 01:07:26.760 --> 01:07:29.160 That's a question I ask myself all the time. 1355 01:07:29.160 --> 01:07:32.120 How's your day been today? 1356 01:07:32.120 --> 01:07:33.360 Did you hear that? 1357 01:07:33.360 --> 01:07:37.320 I responded, and then I shifted the conversation. 1358 01:07:37.320 --> 01:07:39.840 A pretty woman like you still single? 1359 01:07:39.840 --> 01:07:43.680 Same thing I said when I looked in the mirror this morning. 1360 01:07:43.680 --> 01:07:45.880 So what do you have planned this weekend? 1361 01:07:45.880 --> 01:07:47.280 What do you do for work? 1362 01:07:47.280 --> 01:07:49.120 Or what do you enjoy that job? 1363 01:07:49.120 --> 01:07:51.160 Whatever his profile said that he does. 1364 01:07:51.160 --> 01:07:53.880 I look at a person's profile, and I take questions. 1365 01:07:53.880 --> 01:07:56.000 I grab my questions from their profile. 1366 01:07:56.000 --> 01:07:57.920 I ask them what made them interested in being 1367 01:07:57.920 --> 01:07:58.920 a physical therapist. 1368 01:07:58.920 --> 01:08:01.880 How did they get involved in their spare time? 1369 01:08:01.880 --> 01:08:04.000 What books do they like to read? 1370 01:08:04.000 --> 01:08:04.720 Things like that. 1371 01:08:04.720 --> 01:08:05.200 Let me see. 1372 01:08:05.200 --> 01:08:05.920 Another question. 1373 01:08:05.920 --> 01:08:09.400 So would you say you're introverted or extroverted? 1374 01:08:09.400 --> 01:08:11.240 You know, sometimes I'm introverted. 1375 01:08:11.240 --> 01:08:12.840 Other times, I'm extroverted. 1376 01:08:12.840 --> 01:08:15.520 But for the biggest part, I'm extroverted. 1377 01:08:15.520 --> 01:08:16.920 What about you? 1378 01:08:16.920 --> 01:08:20.120 Do you think you're more introverted or extroverted? 1379 01:08:20.120 --> 01:08:21.640 Really introverted. 1380 01:08:21.640 --> 01:08:25.319 What makes you say you're introverted? 1381 01:08:25.319 --> 01:08:27.720 You see, you use what they say. 1382 01:08:27.720 --> 01:08:29.600 You don't have to come up with anything new. 1383 01:08:29.600 --> 01:08:32.040 Now, some part of the challenging part 1384 01:08:32.040 --> 01:08:34.200 comes up when they don't say much. 1385 01:08:34.200 --> 01:08:35.920 That's what most of y'all complain about. 1386 01:08:35.920 --> 01:08:38.840 Some women are like, they don't say nothing. 1387 01:08:38.840 --> 01:08:40.840 And so when somebody doesn't say nothing, say, 1388 01:08:40.840 --> 01:08:43.640 well, I noticed that we were both a little lost for words. 1389 01:08:43.640 --> 01:08:45.200 Would you like to do a video chat so we 1390 01:08:45.200 --> 01:08:48.000 can get to know each other better? 1391 01:08:48.000 --> 01:08:50.319 You can totally do that. 1392 01:08:50.319 --> 01:08:55.240 Men just don't have a lot of words sometimes. 1393 01:08:55.240 --> 01:08:58.040 How about that? 1394 01:08:58.040 --> 01:08:59.359 Great. 1395 01:08:59.359 --> 01:09:01.840 Somebody wants to know, what hobbies and talents do you do? 1396 01:09:01.840 --> 01:09:03.640 Do you have any hobbies or talents? 1397 01:09:03.640 --> 01:09:05.439 Actually, I do. 1398 01:09:05.439 --> 01:09:07.080 I really like swimming. 1399 01:09:10.439 --> 01:09:12.560 What hobbies do you have? 1400 01:09:12.600 --> 01:09:14.200 And so you always use that question 1401 01:09:14.200 --> 01:09:17.920 to respond back to that person. 1402 01:09:17.920 --> 01:09:20.040 You want to practice one, Liz? 1403 01:09:20.040 --> 01:09:26.520 Somebody do a role play with Liz and ask her a question out loud. 1404 01:09:26.520 --> 01:09:29.200 Please ask her so she can hear your voice. 1405 01:09:29.200 --> 01:09:30.399 I got one. 1406 01:09:30.399 --> 01:09:31.720 Go for it, Sarah. 1407 01:09:31.720 --> 01:09:33.000 Because I was about to ask you. 1408 01:09:33.000 --> 01:09:34.600 Oh my God, I hate when I hear this one. 1409 01:09:34.600 --> 01:09:35.680 So tell me about yourself. 1410 01:09:36.240 --> 01:09:37.240 Well. 1411 01:09:43.240 --> 01:09:46.720 Liz, I shouldn't laugh. 1412 01:09:46.720 --> 01:09:49.200 It's just so funny. 1413 01:09:49.200 --> 01:09:52.399 That's a lot for Liz. 1414 01:09:52.399 --> 01:09:56.360 It's such a happy question. 1415 01:09:56.360 --> 01:09:59.920 OK, so I'm going to ask you a question. 1416 01:09:59.920 --> 01:10:01.480 OK. 1417 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.000 Um, yeah, yeah, that's pushing it so wide open. 1418 01:10:03.480 --> 01:10:05.200 Um, tell me about yourself. 1419 01:10:05.280 --> 01:10:09.360 Well, I, I enjoy, I enjoy having fun. 1420 01:10:09.920 --> 01:10:11.320 Um, I like going out. 1421 01:10:11.480 --> 01:10:13.040 I like to play in my evenings. 1422 01:10:13.360 --> 01:10:14.920 I went for badminton last night. 1423 01:10:14.960 --> 01:10:17.160 I played an hour and a half and that was so fun. 1424 01:10:17.720 --> 01:10:22.040 Um, I also like to get together with my small group, but then that church comes 1425 01:10:22.040 --> 01:10:24.200 in because it's a huge part of me. 1426 01:10:24.600 --> 01:10:25.760 I know I can't do that. 1427 01:10:26.760 --> 01:10:27.640 No, no, no, no, no. 1428 01:10:27.640 --> 01:10:28.400 You're breaking down. 1429 01:10:28.400 --> 01:10:29.440 No, that was good. 1430 01:10:29.920 --> 01:10:30.240 Okay. 1431 01:10:31.280 --> 01:10:32.520 I like my small group. 1432 01:10:32.960 --> 01:10:33.240 Okay. 1433 01:10:33.280 --> 01:10:37.000 That's a really good statement to make because it says without you saying that 1434 01:10:37.000 --> 01:10:38.760 spiritual things are important to you. 1435 01:10:39.440 --> 01:10:39.680 Okay. 1436 01:10:39.680 --> 01:10:41.040 There's nothing wrong with saying that. 1437 01:10:41.440 --> 01:10:41.960 Okay. 1438 01:10:42.520 --> 01:10:42.800 Yeah. 1439 01:10:42.800 --> 01:10:46.200 I didn't want you to start going, but you were doing so good. 1440 01:10:46.200 --> 01:10:47.440 Who thinks she was doing good? 1441 01:10:47.440 --> 01:10:48.240 Give her a hand. 1442 01:10:49.360 --> 01:10:50.320 You did good. 1443 01:10:50.320 --> 01:10:51.520 Liz, you did good. 1444 01:10:51.840 --> 01:10:52.440 Thank you. 1445 01:10:56.320 --> 01:10:58.440 That was a pretty open-ended question, but 1446 01:10:59.800 --> 01:11:05.760 you guys, you know, open-ended questions are really good questions because 1447 01:11:05.760 --> 01:11:08.720 somebody can take it and go in different directions and they make 1448 01:11:08.720 --> 01:11:10.640 very good conversational questions. 1449 01:11:11.120 --> 01:11:15.800 Closed questions give you one answer because there's no way, no other 1450 01:11:15.800 --> 01:11:21.400 way, down the street, that's the only place to go, but with an open-ended 1451 01:11:21.400 --> 01:11:25.560 question, people can get it and piggyback off it and piggyback out this 1452 01:11:25.560 --> 01:11:27.520 and keep, you know, you get what I'm saying? 1453 01:11:28.120 --> 01:11:28.480 Yeah. 1454 01:11:29.760 --> 01:11:30.760 How do we answer this? 1455 01:11:30.760 --> 01:11:31.800 What are you looking for? 1456 01:11:31.840 --> 01:11:33.040 People have asked me that. 1457 01:11:33.880 --> 01:11:36.120 So, you know, and this is my go-to. 1458 01:11:36.360 --> 01:11:37.480 I use it every time. 1459 01:11:37.600 --> 01:11:39.120 That's a great question. 1460 01:11:39.360 --> 01:11:42.040 Maybe we can talk about that as we get to know each other a bit better. 1461 01:11:43.480 --> 01:11:46.400 Or, you know, those are questions I like to reserve for voice 1462 01:11:46.440 --> 01:11:48.360 phone calls versus texting. 1463 01:11:48.440 --> 01:11:49.240 And that is true. 1464 01:11:49.560 --> 01:11:50.920 And that's what I've always told them. 1465 01:11:50.960 --> 01:11:53.960 That's something we can talk about later, especially we can talk over voice. 1466 01:11:54.280 --> 01:11:55.320 And they say to me, why? 1467 01:11:55.320 --> 01:11:57.440 I said, because so much can be lost in text. 1468 01:11:57.440 --> 01:12:02.080 And I would like to be able to explain some of my, my, what am I looking for? 1469 01:12:04.440 --> 01:12:04.840 All right. 1470 01:12:05.400 --> 01:12:05.960 Yeah. 1471 01:12:06.560 --> 01:12:06.840 Yeah. 1472 01:12:06.880 --> 01:12:07.280 Wow. 1473 01:12:08.840 --> 01:12:09.360 Yeah. 1474 01:12:09.760 --> 01:12:13.800 These are going to be, I've been on a day and so long, they 1475 01:12:13.800 --> 01:12:14.880 all ask the same questions. 1476 01:12:14.880 --> 01:12:17.600 And so I write down my answers and I just rotate them out. 1477 01:12:18.000 --> 01:12:21.720 Some form of those answers I give, and you have to learn, you 1478 01:12:21.720 --> 01:12:23.360 don't have to reinvent the wheel. 1479 01:12:23.400 --> 01:12:27.760 Like these just keep working the same pattern with your questions. 1480 01:12:28.040 --> 01:12:31.000 And the reason why another reason why Liz, I know I got to go to the next person. 1481 01:12:31.000 --> 01:12:34.680 It was hard for you to answer, respond back to the guy because 1482 01:12:34.680 --> 01:12:36.600 all of his answers were closed. 1483 01:12:36.680 --> 01:12:40.440 Now you could have pulled a lot of things to ask him from it, but they were closed. 1484 01:12:40.440 --> 01:12:41.440 They were like, period. 1485 01:12:42.160 --> 01:12:42.440 Right. 1486 01:12:42.440 --> 01:12:44.280 And the, he didn't respond and say back to you. 1487 01:12:44.400 --> 01:12:48.720 So what did you, well, what do you, or what do you, and so you didn't feel 1488 01:12:48.720 --> 01:12:51.600 that invitation to do it and remember you're a learner. 1489 01:12:52.280 --> 01:12:52.640 Yeah. 1490 01:12:53.000 --> 01:12:53.400 That's it. 1491 01:12:53.400 --> 01:12:54.320 You're just a learner. 1492 01:12:54.880 --> 01:12:55.640 No pressure. 1493 01:12:57.040 --> 01:12:57.480 Right. 1494 01:12:57.560 --> 01:13:00.520 So when that person is responding, but it's a close ended, like, and then 1495 01:13:00.520 --> 01:13:03.400 I'm asking questions and then he answers, but then again, it's a close. 1496 01:13:03.400 --> 01:13:04.520 And then I'm asking again. 1497 01:13:04.680 --> 01:13:09.800 So how, how much do I ask until I expect that person to respond? 1498 01:13:09.840 --> 01:13:10.880 I asked me. 1499 01:13:11.480 --> 01:13:12.000 Yeah. 1500 01:13:12.320 --> 01:13:15.320 You could just always, I like to just be open with a person. 1501 01:13:15.320 --> 01:13:19.520 So, so, um, I know a lot of my questions seem like they're not going far. 1502 01:13:19.600 --> 01:13:20.960 Would you like to do a video chat? 1503 01:13:21.080 --> 01:13:23.840 If you've decided you want to get to know that person, they look interesting 1504 01:13:23.840 --> 01:13:27.240 enough, just move into the video chat and see where you can get from there. 1505 01:13:28.560 --> 01:13:30.000 By the end of the week, you want a date. 1506 01:13:31.080 --> 01:13:33.280 And if that ain't working, just, you know, 1507 01:13:34.240 --> 01:13:34.840 sounds good. 1508 01:13:35.320 --> 01:13:35.640 Okay. 1509 01:13:36.680 --> 01:13:37.400 You're welcome. 1510 01:13:37.440 --> 01:13:38.400 Hey, Ashley. 1511 01:13:38.880 --> 01:13:39.600 Yes. 1512 01:13:39.640 --> 01:13:42.000 Is there, we're supposed to be talking about Ashley? 1513 01:13:42.160 --> 01:13:43.080 Uh, yes. 1514 01:13:43.200 --> 01:13:49.000 Um, you actually kind of touched on it with Kaylin because, uh, what is it? 1515 01:13:49.160 --> 01:13:50.680 Oh, I forgot what I was talking about. 1516 01:13:50.760 --> 01:13:57.320 Um, so a guy that I'm dating knows that I like read the Bible and spend time with 1517 01:13:57.320 --> 01:14:02.600 the Lord and he's mentioned it twice, like, Hey, I would like for us to do that 1518 01:14:02.600 --> 01:14:07.720 together and just kind of like bypass the question and be like, Oh, let me think 1519 01:14:07.720 --> 01:14:11.800 about it or something just to like, get them off my back, right. 1520 01:14:12.400 --> 01:14:16.480 And so he asked me again recently, Oh, I would like to do that. 1521 01:14:16.520 --> 01:14:17.240 And I'm like, 1522 01:14:19.560 --> 01:14:19.840 yeah. 1523 01:14:20.160 --> 01:14:23.040 So yeah, that's kind of where I'm at with that. 1524 01:14:24.400 --> 01:14:28.680 So the guy that I am now in an exclusive relationship and very marriage minded 1525 01:14:28.680 --> 01:14:32.720 relationship with, when we first start, and you're going to see this a lot with 1526 01:14:32.720 --> 01:14:39.680 church, I mean, believers, they think that it is the dream of all dreams that the 1527 01:14:39.680 --> 01:14:43.640 person they date and they can read their Bible with and pray with it is this 1528 01:14:43.640 --> 01:14:45.760 church fantasy that they have. 1529 01:14:46.520 --> 01:14:50.800 So because women have it also, they just want a man that can pray with it. 1530 01:14:50.800 --> 01:14:54.160 You want a man that can read a Bible with, that's why we love to do it. 1531 01:14:54.160 --> 01:14:57.440 And you think that says something about an individual because they want to 1532 01:14:57.440 --> 01:14:59.520 do these disciplines with you. 1533 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.400 And so he said to me, he said, hey, what are you studying? 1534 01:15:04.400 --> 01:15:07.680 Because he knows my lifestyle, it's evident. 1535 01:15:07.680 --> 01:15:09.640 And he's like, let's read it together. 1536 01:15:09.640 --> 01:15:10.960 I said, oh, no. 1537 01:15:10.960 --> 01:15:11.440 I did. 1538 01:15:11.440 --> 01:15:13.840 I said, no, I'm not comfortable doing that. 1539 01:15:13.840 --> 01:15:16.560 I said, when you read your Bible with a person 1540 01:15:16.560 --> 01:15:19.040 or pray with them early on in the stages of getting 1541 01:15:19.040 --> 01:15:21.000 to know each other, I said, just like this, 1542 01:15:21.000 --> 01:15:23.280 you think you know them better than you do. 1543 01:15:23.280 --> 01:15:28.520 I reserve those type of intimate things for exclusivity. 1544 01:15:28.560 --> 01:15:31.360 Reading my Bible and praying with a person, so less words. 1545 01:15:31.360 --> 01:15:32.680 Let me give you short words. 1546 01:15:32.680 --> 01:15:34.520 Reading my Bible and praying with a person 1547 01:15:34.520 --> 01:15:36.840 is an intimate thing for me. 1548 01:15:36.840 --> 01:15:40.920 I reserve that for exclusivity, meaning 1549 01:15:40.920 --> 01:15:44.400 when we have agreed to be in a relationship with each other. 1550 01:15:47.240 --> 01:15:49.680 And then we can build that way. 1551 01:15:49.680 --> 01:15:52.000 And that was my answer. 1552 01:15:52.000 --> 01:15:54.240 And because I'm convinced of it, I 1553 01:15:54.240 --> 01:15:57.400 have no fear in sharing that. 1554 01:15:57.400 --> 01:16:01.640 I'm a woman of boundaries, and I'm a woman of honor. 1555 01:16:01.640 --> 01:16:04.040 And just because he doesn't know what that produces, 1556 01:16:04.040 --> 01:16:06.640 I know for myself what it produces. 1557 01:16:06.640 --> 01:16:14.360 I have watched women go down the road quickly in this program 1558 01:16:14.360 --> 01:16:15.600 because they were so excited. 1559 01:16:15.600 --> 01:16:17.960 We're reading the Bible with them and praying with them. 1560 01:16:17.960 --> 01:16:20.080 And within a week, it all falls apart. 1561 01:16:20.080 --> 01:16:20.680 Two weeks. 1562 01:16:20.680 --> 01:16:23.320 I'm sure Jackie has more stories than I could ever 1563 01:16:23.320 --> 01:16:26.640 count and think of. 1564 01:16:26.640 --> 01:16:27.440 It's not healthy. 1565 01:16:30.120 --> 01:16:31.240 And you know what, guys? 1566 01:16:31.240 --> 01:16:34.360 You're not looking to be a pastor to someone. 1567 01:16:34.360 --> 01:16:35.760 If they want to read their Bible, 1568 01:16:35.760 --> 01:16:37.680 they need to take the same initiative that you 1569 01:16:37.680 --> 01:16:39.280 take to read their Bible. 1570 01:16:39.280 --> 01:16:40.680 If they want to grow spiritually, 1571 01:16:40.680 --> 01:16:41.800 they'll take the same initiative. 1572 01:16:41.800 --> 01:16:43.040 Well, they may need community. 1573 01:16:43.040 --> 01:16:44.760 Well, go find them some community. 1574 01:16:44.760 --> 01:16:47.360 They didn't even know you before they met you on a dating app. 1575 01:16:47.360 --> 01:16:48.680 Who were they talking to then? 1576 01:16:51.560 --> 01:16:52.080 Who? 1577 01:16:52.080 --> 01:16:52.600 Who? 1578 01:16:52.600 --> 01:16:53.120 Who? 1579 01:16:53.120 --> 01:16:54.400 Well, you inspired them. 1580 01:16:54.400 --> 01:16:56.200 Well, they should have had some inspiration 1581 01:16:56.240 --> 01:16:57.520 before they came along to you. 1582 01:16:57.520 --> 01:16:58.000 Why? 1583 01:16:58.000 --> 01:17:00.600 Because you're looking for a marriage-minded individual. 1584 01:17:00.600 --> 01:17:02.800 I'm saying if you're talking about reading a Bible 1585 01:17:02.800 --> 01:17:04.760 with a person and you're crossing over, 1586 01:17:04.760 --> 01:17:06.960 this is not just somebody you're going to coffee with. 1587 01:17:06.960 --> 01:17:08.800 They're talking to you in that language. 1588 01:17:08.800 --> 01:17:11.200 This is an evaluation if they're marriage-minded, 1589 01:17:11.200 --> 01:17:12.200 if they're mature. 1590 01:17:12.200 --> 01:17:16.000 If they're these things, they're solid spiritually. 1591 01:17:16.000 --> 01:17:18.480 So it's not about that you can't encourage a person, 1592 01:17:18.480 --> 01:17:21.880 but this is not the stage that you want to do it in. 1593 01:17:21.880 --> 01:17:24.440 But in exclusivity, so one of the things, 1594 01:17:24.440 --> 01:17:27.200 because I knew the guy that I'm dating, his name is Tim. 1595 01:17:27.200 --> 01:17:29.280 One of the things I knew that he really wanted to do 1596 01:17:29.280 --> 01:17:30.960 was read scripture with me. 1597 01:17:30.960 --> 01:17:34.160 So when exclusive, I said to him the next day, 1598 01:17:34.160 --> 01:17:37.600 so what book of the Bible you want to study? 1599 01:17:37.600 --> 01:17:40.800 And he was like, oh, I want to do Ephesians. 1600 01:17:40.800 --> 01:17:43.240 I was like, let's go get it. 1601 01:17:43.240 --> 01:17:45.000 He's a righteous man. 1602 01:17:45.000 --> 01:17:50.640 And I knew that he desired to study scripture with a wife. 1603 01:17:50.640 --> 01:17:53.000 And he thought that this was the way to do it, 1604 01:17:53.000 --> 01:17:55.920 but I told him that ain't the way I do it, right? 1605 01:17:55.920 --> 01:17:58.840 But soon to exclusive, he was so happy. 1606 01:17:58.840 --> 01:17:59.600 Let's do it. 1607 01:17:59.600 --> 01:18:00.680 I said, you want to pray? 1608 01:18:00.680 --> 01:18:01.680 He's like, we can pray? 1609 01:18:01.680 --> 01:18:02.680 I was like, go for it. 1610 01:18:02.680 --> 01:18:05.280 Let's pray. 1611 01:18:05.280 --> 01:18:08.240 And it did not produce these feelings of I know him. 1612 01:18:08.240 --> 01:18:11.000 Because after 90 days, because we didn't go exclusive 1613 01:18:11.000 --> 01:18:15.400 to after 90 days, I do know him better. 1614 01:18:15.400 --> 01:18:21.240 I have watched his character by looking at his fruit. 1615 01:18:22.240 --> 01:18:23.720 Because we read scripture, I'm not 1616 01:18:23.720 --> 01:18:26.280 impressed about that at this point. 1617 01:18:26.280 --> 01:18:28.200 Does that make sense? 1618 01:18:28.200 --> 01:18:29.400 It does. 1619 01:18:29.400 --> 01:18:30.880 OK. 1620 01:18:30.880 --> 01:18:32.480 Was that helpful, Ashley? 1621 01:18:32.480 --> 01:18:35.480 It was. 1622 01:18:35.480 --> 01:18:38.280 I'll just say this, and I'm about done. 1623 01:18:38.280 --> 01:18:40.720 At this particular point, I don't know if he's necessarily 1624 01:18:40.720 --> 01:18:43.200 spiritually there, but it's only been a month. 1625 01:18:43.200 --> 01:18:45.920 So I'm trying to just get to know him and to see. 1626 01:18:45.920 --> 01:18:49.040 I'm trying to be open, not be judgmental. 1627 01:18:49.040 --> 01:18:52.680 But yeah, I'm not 100% sure about that. 1628 01:18:52.680 --> 01:18:55.040 Ashley, you know, sometimes you give me a little more grace 1629 01:18:55.040 --> 01:18:56.000 than I would like. 1630 01:18:56.000 --> 01:18:56.560 I do. 1631 01:18:56.560 --> 01:18:57.440 I'm too nice. 1632 01:18:57.440 --> 01:18:57.960 Yeah. 1633 01:19:02.720 --> 01:19:05.800 I didn't talk to you about your grace band. 1634 01:19:05.800 --> 01:19:07.520 I'm sorry. 1635 01:19:07.520 --> 01:19:09.720 It's too stretchy, Ashley. 1636 01:19:09.720 --> 01:19:10.520 Yeah. 1637 01:19:10.520 --> 01:19:11.840 But that's OK. 1638 01:19:11.840 --> 01:19:13.440 I'm glad that you're not judging, 1639 01:19:13.440 --> 01:19:16.720 and I'm glad that you're taking your time. 1640 01:19:16.720 --> 01:19:19.000 Have you guys been out on a date yet? 1641 01:19:19.000 --> 01:19:20.880 Yeah, we've been out a lot. 1642 01:19:20.880 --> 01:19:22.240 If he had it his way, we'd probably 1643 01:19:22.240 --> 01:19:25.480 spend all too much, a lot more time together. 1644 01:19:25.480 --> 01:19:26.560 But I have to shut it off. 1645 01:19:26.560 --> 01:19:27.440 I'm like, I can't. 1646 01:19:27.440 --> 01:19:29.040 Like, I talked to you once today. 1647 01:19:29.040 --> 01:19:30.760 That's good. 1648 01:19:30.760 --> 01:19:31.360 I know. 1649 01:19:31.360 --> 01:19:33.000 Do you enjoy him? 1650 01:19:33.000 --> 01:19:35.640 Yeah, I mean, I enjoy the companionship. 1651 01:19:35.640 --> 01:19:36.920 Like, I enjoy it. 1652 01:19:36.920 --> 01:19:38.280 I think he's a nice guy. 1653 01:19:38.280 --> 01:19:40.000 Like, there's characteristics about him 1654 01:19:40.000 --> 01:19:41.600 I'm not really a fan of. 1655 01:19:41.600 --> 01:19:49.920 Like, for instance, like, kind of making fun of people 1656 01:19:49.920 --> 01:19:51.320 or talking about people. 1657 01:19:51.320 --> 01:19:53.640 I'm not saying that I'm perfect, but that, I'm like, 1658 01:19:53.640 --> 01:19:54.920 I just don't want to hear that. 1659 01:19:54.920 --> 01:19:57.440 If you see somebody, you know, passing by, 1660 01:19:57.440 --> 01:19:59.880 and they have something on that you don't necessarily like, 1661 01:19:59.880 --> 01:20:00.720 just don't hear it. 1662 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.320 comments like I could do without all that. Yeah. But yeah. Anything else? 1663 01:20:09.120 --> 01:20:15.280 Um so I'm currently in Florida by myself and he's been like my dad but I've tried to like give him 1664 01:20:15.280 --> 01:20:20.640 grace on that. He's just been like make sure you do this, make sure you do that. I'm like dude uh 1665 01:20:20.640 --> 01:20:29.120 I know but I've let him just you know I've just kind of taken I'm like thank you but I'm like oh 1666 01:20:29.120 --> 01:20:36.080 okay and probably more but I can't think of anything specifically. Okay now you know I'm 1667 01:20:36.080 --> 01:20:41.200 gonna say this you've been in the game a while and so I don't want you keeping those stragglers 1668 01:20:41.200 --> 01:20:53.200 around. We are more fine-tuning for you in this process Ashley. Okay. Okay. Hello? Yes. Yes. I'm 1669 01:20:53.280 --> 01:21:00.320 ready. I want a little more a little more uh scrutiny of the eye if I can say that for you. 1670 01:21:00.320 --> 01:21:02.720 Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yes. 1671 01:21:05.280 --> 01:21:08.640 Okay. Good. Good. All right. Megan. 1672 01:21:08.880 --> 01:21:24.320 Hey. Hey. Um so it's going well um with David still. Um the guy in California. Not the diaper 1673 01:21:24.320 --> 01:21:30.080 boy. Is that what you're laughing about? I remember the guy in California and the diaper boy. 1674 01:21:31.520 --> 01:21:37.280 No but he's gone. We're um and it's I'm glad that I veered away from that because David has been 1675 01:21:37.280 --> 01:21:43.760 really intentional in pursuing me. We've been like he reaches out to me in text every pretty 1676 01:21:43.760 --> 01:21:51.200 much every day. We had our uh third face time last night and I feel like the attraction and 1677 01:21:51.200 --> 01:21:57.840 like connection and excitement is growing. So that's good because initially I just wasn't 1678 01:21:57.840 --> 01:22:03.680 I wasn't feeling as excited but I I think that's growing and I felt like he looked cuter to me 1679 01:22:03.760 --> 01:22:09.760 like the third time. So I'm like I I'm yeah getting more excited and I just feel like 1680 01:22:09.760 --> 01:22:15.200 it was fun talking and we connect on a lot of things. Um he's very spiritual and emotionally 1681 01:22:15.200 --> 01:22:24.160 mature and um we ended up talking about like he's supposed to like he he had some Thai food and like 1682 01:22:24.160 --> 01:22:30.240 we we both found out that we we both love Penang curry and basically he said like I needed to try 1683 01:22:30.240 --> 01:22:34.240 the Penang curry over there or like he he went to a restaurant with his parents was like I'll have 1684 01:22:34.240 --> 01:22:39.120 to try it out sometime and then like I mentioned the place here and he's gonna like he said he 1685 01:22:39.120 --> 01:22:44.480 wanted to try it out. So basically like you know we're hinting at visiting each other um and he 1686 01:22:44.480 --> 01:22:48.800 had mentioned it before but nothing had been solidified yet and so I wanted to try to bring 1687 01:22:48.800 --> 01:22:54.000 it up in a way that like wasn't pressuring or anything but I I feel like it was good. 1688 01:22:54.000 --> 01:22:59.360 Like I eventually was like so when are you coming and um he's like I'm trying to come that same 1689 01:22:59.360 --> 01:23:03.440 weekend in July. He's just trying to cross all his t's and dot all his i's or whatever. I was like 1690 01:23:03.440 --> 01:23:09.760 okay cool um and I also had some some doubts recently just because of like I started to think 1691 01:23:09.760 --> 01:23:14.000 through a couple of I have a couple like questions or things that I feel like would be helpful to 1692 01:23:14.000 --> 01:23:19.360 work through. One thought about like our like careers like we're kind of just in different 1693 01:23:19.360 --> 01:23:28.240 places. I'm like pretty solid and or like um established in my career as a PT and um just 1694 01:23:28.240 --> 01:23:35.760 like stable pretty much like financially and like um I was talking to a friend out how he's a sub 1695 01:23:35.760 --> 01:23:42.080 teacher right now and like nothing against that but it just didn't sound as stable like as like 1696 01:23:42.080 --> 01:23:47.280 or just like sustainable long term like as a 36 year old you know and so I'm like 1697 01:23:47.840 --> 01:23:53.440 how do I you know kind of talk about that without grilling him on some of that stuff and so 1698 01:23:53.440 --> 01:23:58.480 I did ask him some and I feel like it was good like it does sound like he's really responsible 1699 01:23:58.480 --> 01:24:03.040 and it is a transition thing for him he's wanting to do music therapy and stuff and so 1700 01:24:03.600 --> 01:24:08.720 I feel like we did I I gathered that he's like somebody who's hard working and is like 1701 01:24:08.720 --> 01:24:12.720 working to provide it's just still kind of hard for me to navigate that part and I know you're 1702 01:24:12.720 --> 01:24:17.760 not supposed to talk too much about finances and stuff but it's still something to consider you 1703 01:24:17.760 --> 01:24:23.840 know with dating somebody like thinking I don't want to be like so how do you you know how do you 1704 01:24:23.840 --> 01:24:30.880 see yourself providing like like with a job like that you know in the future so that was one question 1705 01:24:30.880 --> 01:24:36.720 and then the other thing uh or just how to like navigate that and then the other thing um so he 1706 01:24:36.720 --> 01:24:41.920 ended up reaching out over text today and just checking in and then he said he'd been looking at 1707 01:24:41.920 --> 01:24:50.080 flights and basically um it's pretty expensive to try to fly that weekend um way more expensive 1708 01:24:50.080 --> 01:24:54.800 than he realized and then like he's going to Montana on a family reunion I'm going to Cancun 1709 01:24:54.800 --> 01:25:00.000 and so basically he said he he thinks that August he'll have to push it to August 1710 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.940 And I was like, uh, I kind of felt like I know and I mentioned just the whole thing about they, you know 1711 01:25:06.380 --> 01:25:10.900 Encouraged six weeks and so that would push it to like more like ten weeks 1712 01:25:10.900 --> 01:25:17.820 I guess and so I tried to like encourage him and then he ended up like, you know, he understands where 1713 01:25:18.980 --> 01:25:23.660 The the reasoning behind it. He just feels like he doesn't want to pressure 1714 01:25:23.880 --> 01:25:27.600 He doesn't want to like just be pressured to make it work 1715 01:25:27.600 --> 01:25:33.160 and he also wants to spend quality time with me and I I get all that and I don't want him to like have to 1716 01:25:33.320 --> 01:25:35.360 Pay an arm and leg for the ticket 1717 01:25:35.360 --> 01:25:40.280 And so I honestly was disappointed like right before the call and I was like, oh man 1718 01:25:40.280 --> 01:25:42.920 And so I guess I I'm thinking through it 1719 01:25:42.920 --> 01:25:46.880 I told him I'd have to think about it and you know get back to him and he understands 1720 01:25:46.880 --> 01:25:51.680 I still feel like he's been really respectable respectful and intentional with me and pursuing me 1721 01:25:51.680 --> 01:25:55.900 And so I'm like, I don't feel like I should just let him, you know, maybe like 1722 01:25:56.600 --> 01:26:01.800 Not give him a chance, but it just still feels like a long way away. So yeah, what do you what do you think? 1723 01:26:02.480 --> 01:26:03.640 so 1724 01:26:03.640 --> 01:26:05.640 Yeah, so 1725 01:26:06.040 --> 01:26:12.080 You're gonna because y'all alone this is you're gonna talk more. Yeah, there's no way around that. Yeah 1726 01:26:12.600 --> 01:26:17.800 Number two is you need to FaceTime more than you text. Yeah, and we're trying to 1727 01:26:18.800 --> 01:26:24.560 Yeah, I think is if you you can help him pay for his ticket to get here 1728 01:26:24.560 --> 01:26:28.800 I think or he can help you pay for a ticket for you to come there 1729 01:26:29.040 --> 01:26:33.800 Well, I was thinking I was gonna go shortly after I thought I would be able to go in August 1730 01:26:33.800 --> 01:26:37.080 So like if he came in July he'd pay for that to go in August 1731 01:26:37.680 --> 01:26:41.920 But I agree with you ten weeks is a long way out. Yeah, and so 1732 01:26:43.920 --> 01:26:45.920 You know, this is gonna be 1733 01:26:47.800 --> 01:26:49.800 This is gonna be a big deal 1734 01:26:49.880 --> 01:26:53.680 Uh-huh this navigating of seeing each other, right? 1735 01:26:53.680 --> 01:27:00.920 And so that's a real conversation that y'all need to have because ten weeks out is a very long time making for you to invest 1736 01:27:00.920 --> 01:27:04.880 And at some point you're gonna start investing investing emotionally, right? 1737 01:27:05.000 --> 01:27:10.600 The conversation that you're gonna have about how he's gonna provide is when he asked you to go exclusive with him 1738 01:27:10.880 --> 01:27:14.160 yeah, yes when you start discussing things like I 1739 01:27:14.640 --> 01:27:20.160 Go exclusive and then when I go exclusive I am marriage minded and so yeah 1740 01:27:20.520 --> 01:27:24.440 Any man who wants a family has to be able to provide for their family? 1741 01:27:25.080 --> 01:27:27.760 And the discussion that you have in exclusivity 1742 01:27:28.120 --> 01:27:35.680 Yeah, things are gonna speed up for the way I communicate because that's all you're gonna have is communication. What's gonna speed up 1743 01:27:35.680 --> 01:27:40.880 I'm sorry. Oh like what the exclusivity thing not exclusively, but you're gonna talk about more 1744 01:27:41.880 --> 01:27:48.520 Talk about more and so you're gonna be talking and you're gonna be talking because there's all you gotta stop getting into getting and talking 1745 01:27:48.520 --> 01:27:52.320 Yeah, so you may get to that question beforehand. I don't know 1746 01:27:52.320 --> 01:27:58.200 Um, you don't have to you can wait until he X go exclusive and then it's time for those heavy hitter questions 1747 01:27:58.240 --> 01:28:02.360 Yeah, these weeks are a very long time. I know. Yeah 1748 01:28:03.400 --> 01:28:09.600 So if y'all could try to talk about that and figure out something else if you can and then I really want you guys to 1749 01:28:09.600 --> 01:28:10.680 Weigh out 1750 01:28:10.680 --> 01:28:16.480 Maybe say let's talk to each other for another two weeks and let's come back to the table and determine if this is something that we 1751 01:28:16.480 --> 01:28:22.040 Want to do because there's no reason no matter how great of a person you are how great of a person he is 1752 01:28:22.600 --> 01:28:24.600 long distance takes 1753 01:28:25.080 --> 01:28:26.600 investment and 1754 01:28:26.600 --> 01:28:31.440 You're gonna be investing your heart at some point in your emotions and that's gonna hurt 1755 01:28:31.720 --> 01:28:35.320 Right, and it's not gonna be worth it for either one of you guys to go down that road 1756 01:28:36.000 --> 01:28:37.160 Mm-hmm, right? 1757 01:28:37.160 --> 01:28:37.660 Yeah 1758 01:28:37.660 --> 01:28:43.960 So give it another couple of weeks see how you like each other and then revisit this question of how we're gonna see each other 1759 01:28:43.960 --> 01:28:45.120 back and forth 1760 01:28:45.120 --> 01:28:53.120 Yeah, cuz then it made me think like it's gonna be expensive, you know flying back and forth and just like that's just one ticket 1761 01:28:53.120 --> 01:28:58.120 You know and but at the same time I was you know, I feel like we had some cool 1762 01:28:58.600 --> 01:29:05.160 Discussions around finances like in a more light-hearted way just about like God providing in different ways 1763 01:29:05.160 --> 01:29:12.600 and so I think I was seeing his his wisdom and being able to like be you know wise with his finances to not pay for 1764 01:29:12.600 --> 01:29:17.920 The the big ticket and just wait a few weeks after and then I was trying to encourage him 1765 01:29:17.920 --> 01:29:23.400 But then it's like I kind of felt myself like you would talk to a little bit about the entitlement 1766 01:29:23.400 --> 01:29:27.720 I don't know if it was an entitled feeling or just like maybe this like I felt a little 1767 01:29:28.120 --> 01:29:34.520 maybe hard-headed like stubborn I was like trying to convince him and then I'm like, I I feel like I I 1768 01:29:35.160 --> 01:29:37.760 Want to let him lead and be a man, too 1769 01:29:37.760 --> 01:29:40.040 And I'm like part of me felt like I had to kind of 1770 01:29:40.840 --> 01:29:42.680 Bend a little bit like okay 1771 01:29:42.680 --> 01:29:44.680 He basically just said for me 1772 01:29:44.680 --> 01:29:45.600 August is better 1773 01:29:45.600 --> 01:29:52.200 and so I kind of feel like I already encouraged him and so I feel like I might be pushing it even too much if 1774 01:29:52.200 --> 01:29:53.440 I like try to 1775 01:29:53.440 --> 01:29:56.400 Talk about the six weeks thing again. I don't know 1776 01:29:56.400 --> 01:29:59.880 Well, the rule is you can talk about what you want to talk about 1777 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.340 But what I'm telling you is you have to talk about what you want to talk about and talk about for you only 1778 01:30:05.280 --> 01:30:08.540 You need to say what's important to you and what it is that you want 1779 01:30:08.540 --> 01:30:12.500 If you don't agree to what he says, it's time for you to part ways make it 1780 01:30:12.500 --> 01:30:13.000 Yes 1781 01:30:13.000 --> 01:30:18.680 reason why you feel like you're overstepping boundaries because you're trying to get him to come over to what you're saying instead of 1782 01:30:18.980 --> 01:30:23.360 Stating what you want and that's it. Yeah, does that make sense? 1783 01:30:23.880 --> 01:30:27.620 Yeah, so when you try to get somebody to come over to your side 1784 01:30:27.620 --> 01:30:32.680 That's why you're starting to get confused and you feel like you're not allowing him to leave right now 1785 01:30:33.340 --> 01:30:40.060 You're stating this is what you desire either you you're gonna say well, let me he seems pretty nice 1786 01:30:40.060 --> 01:30:45.680 Let me ride this out. If that's the case, let it go and go with it. Yeah, don't come back three weeks later 1787 01:30:46.140 --> 01:30:52.460 If you coming back three weeks later, you can't come back and say you know what? I realized this won't work for me. Yeah 1788 01:30:53.460 --> 01:30:58.340 And it is just it won't work for me another thing I want to tell you, you know 1789 01:30:58.340 --> 01:31:04.940 Jackie teaches us when we're talking about long-distance relationships. We need to be prepared to help pay for travel 1790 01:31:06.500 --> 01:31:13.340 Megan he doesn't owe you a trip here without some you guys have to come together with your finances and help pay for travel 1791 01:31:13.380 --> 01:31:20.620 yeah, I mean I was open to doing things like like as far as helping find a place like to say or like 1792 01:31:21.020 --> 01:31:25.260 Helping with I could pick him up, you know, like he wouldn't have to get a rental car 1793 01:31:25.260 --> 01:31:27.260 So I don't know just certain things 1794 01:31:27.260 --> 01:31:33.780 It's a good way to offset it and financially how much a ticket cost jacket says you need to be prepared to pay half on flights 1795 01:31:34.300 --> 01:31:39.300 Uh-huh. That's how long-distance work because he's not up the street from you, right? 1796 01:31:39.300 --> 01:31:43.940 I guess I just I thought it could be like he pays one ticket. I pay the next ticket 1797 01:31:43.940 --> 01:31:46.540 What if the next what if you don't go to next time? Yeah 1798 01:31:46.660 --> 01:31:48.660 If y'all split up before the next time 1799 01:31:48.700 --> 01:31:49.220 Yeah 1800 01:31:49.220 --> 01:31:54.660 I'm telling you is I want you to get your mind in the right space about the sacrifices that are being made and 1801 01:31:55.340 --> 01:31:59.460 It would be ideal. He like why I gotta pay for all this. I'm gonna push it out more 1802 01:31:59.460 --> 01:32:03.180 He doesn't know you and so it's kind of like that's a pretty big investment 1803 01:32:03.300 --> 01:32:05.920 Yeah, I'm not pressuring you to offer something 1804 01:32:05.920 --> 01:32:12.020 But I am telling you those are the those are the rules around or boundaries that we sit around long-distance dating 1805 01:32:12.020 --> 01:32:18.860 It is expensive and that's why we say sit at the table and count up the cost for both of y'all. Yeah, right 1806 01:32:19.380 --> 01:32:21.380 because 1807 01:32:21.900 --> 01:32:26.300 Megan would you buy a ticket and go see him first and let the house be on you? 1808 01:32:26.540 --> 01:32:29.380 Yeah, I would because I mean I feel like 1809 01:32:30.020 --> 01:32:32.020 So far, he's really been 1810 01:32:32.500 --> 01:32:39.180 Like it's we've been really connecting to where I especially after the third the third one. I like last night 1811 01:32:39.180 --> 01:32:43.060 I was like, wow, I'm feeling a lot better and like more at peace about him 1812 01:32:43.060 --> 01:32:48.260 And so I would I think and I I was telling him 1813 01:32:48.260 --> 01:32:52.820 Let me look at the flights because I was like the price he said it just sounded like so high 1814 01:32:52.860 --> 01:32:55.820 I'm like, let me look and see what I can find. I don't know 1815 01:32:57.860 --> 01:33:01.780 Let Laurie Laurie, can you share with us Laurie? That's what I'm trying to tell you Laura 1816 01:33:01.780 --> 01:33:06.420 So she did a 3,000 mile long distance relationship. Can you share with us Laurie? 1817 01:33:07.420 --> 01:33:09.740 About that, yeah, it was 1818 01:33:11.180 --> 01:33:12.860 Yeah, it was very 1819 01:33:12.860 --> 01:33:14.860 It was very expensive 1820 01:33:14.980 --> 01:33:19.220 We I would say he definitely he probably paid for 1821 01:33:19.860 --> 01:33:23.580 75 to 80 percent of things. Oh, he were rich 1822 01:33:25.740 --> 01:33:27.740 He did well 1823 01:33:29.580 --> 01:33:31.500 Yeah 1824 01:33:31.540 --> 01:33:37.340 Yeah, so he did he did do a lot of it but you know, I think you know based on 1825 01:33:39.300 --> 01:33:43.980 Where I was at at the time and where he was at it's what made sense for us 1826 01:33:45.820 --> 01:33:46.620 But yeah 1827 01:33:46.620 --> 01:33:52.540 I think they're really the the thing that I would say that because I actually chose out of that relationship 1828 01:33:52.540 --> 01:33:54.540 I actually moved back to Michigan 1829 01:33:54.820 --> 01:33:57.820 for this relationship is is that I 1830 01:33:58.820 --> 01:34:04.700 That no, this is just my experience but this is just to be really honest because it's not like 1831 01:34:05.100 --> 01:34:09.860 You know, I didn't spend time with them day in and day out, right? This is a long-distance thing 1832 01:34:09.860 --> 01:34:18.180 and so it I had the opportunity I have the opportunity going forward, but I had the opportunity to get really real with myself and 1833 01:34:20.300 --> 01:34:22.300 You know because 1834 01:34:22.500 --> 01:34:24.500 patterns aren't being reinforced on a 1835 01:34:25.300 --> 01:34:27.300 consistent basis as far as 1836 01:34:27.980 --> 01:34:30.700 being with somebody day in and day out, so I 1837 01:34:31.860 --> 01:34:37.260 Have the opportunity to be really honest with myself and in a new relationship 1838 01:34:38.500 --> 01:34:40.500 early and 1839 01:34:42.660 --> 01:34:44.660 Basically, you know the things that 1840 01:34:44.940 --> 01:34:51.620 that I see that I like and and but be really honest about the things that I see that 1841 01:34:51.620 --> 01:34:59.780 That aren't a good alignment he's a delightful person but we had some things we're not spiritually aligned 1842 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:08.320 that is the reason that we that I parted ways and I created fantasy because I wasn't 1843 01:35:09.680 --> 01:35:16.800 living in it day in and day out and I created fantasy over you know all the good things were 1844 01:35:16.800 --> 01:35:23.680 great and then fantasy over that because it wasn't like so in my face all the time 1845 01:35:23.680 --> 01:35:33.120 and so yeah but yeah it was expensive it was definitely expensive thousands of dollars 1846 01:35:34.720 --> 01:35:39.040 thank you for sharing Laurie and I'm so glad she said that Megan just to share what it's like 1847 01:35:40.400 --> 01:35:46.400 and I'm gonna move on because we're well over time but the guy dated three hours away it is 1848 01:35:46.400 --> 01:35:54.640 hard for me it's so hard I don't I don't know it's hard for me I'm used to seeing a person 1849 01:35:54.640 --> 01:36:00.720 a lot more and jobs just don't allow for that yeah I mean maybe I I don't know maybe I can 1850 01:36:00.720 --> 01:36:05.760 offer him like to split the ticket and see if what he thinks yeah but don't feel no no no please 1851 01:36:05.760 --> 01:36:11.680 don't take this as pressure I just want you to take a whole picture in and evaluate and do it 1852 01:36:11.680 --> 01:36:16.720 in another two weeks as you get to know him better do it another three weeks as you get to 1853 01:36:16.720 --> 01:36:22.560 know him better I'm just saying I want you I don't what I'm trying to do is I don't want you to 1854 01:36:22.560 --> 01:36:29.120 invest your heart and have not counted up the cost so here my heart that's what I'm saying to you so 1855 01:36:29.120 --> 01:36:34.240 if you feel like I keep throwing something like this I'm telling you right now only thing I keep 1856 01:36:34.240 --> 01:36:39.520 thinking in my head is your heart yeah your heart that's what's driving me right now I don't want 1857 01:36:39.520 --> 01:36:47.680 you to invest your heart because it is sure to come without counting up the cost as much as you 1858 01:36:47.680 --> 01:36:54.720 can first yeah take another three weeks don't be don't get anxious about it you're still getting 1859 01:36:54.720 --> 01:36:59.120 to know him just like you would be if somebody was up the street from you yeah this is literally 1860 01:36:59.120 --> 01:37:04.320 where you are you're just you're just a person up the street right now at the stage that you're in 1861 01:37:04.320 --> 01:37:08.880 yeah take another three weeks continue to get to know him FaceTime him you're either 1862 01:37:08.880 --> 01:37:16.160 gonna find out that he's worth it or that he's not yeah right okay thanks 1863 01:37:16.800 --> 01:37:20.960 you're welcome keep me updated will do all right Laurie 1864 01:37:23.680 --> 01:37:33.840 you were next oh yeah so I last week we talked about um whether or not to start dating because I 1865 01:37:34.880 --> 01:37:43.600 I have I am not working currently and um but I'm financially fine uh I think it's more like 1866 01:37:44.880 --> 01:37:51.760 not not having the vision for my life the direction for my life that would be the piece 1867 01:37:51.760 --> 01:37:59.440 that and I'm I'm doing wealth with God right now so the visioneering is coming and and actually 1868 01:37:59.440 --> 01:38:08.480 that was really helpful what you just said about if I could get if I could get free from exchanging 1869 01:38:08.480 --> 01:38:15.280 my talents for money I don't know what the end of I could have purpose what was the end of that 1870 01:38:15.280 --> 01:38:20.880 saying well you can invest more in your purpose like what you feel called to do so it stop 1871 01:38:20.880 --> 01:38:26.480 exchanging your time for money gives you time opportunity to be creative and to develop your 1872 01:38:26.480 --> 01:38:31.920 talents and your true purposes that will bring streams of income for you is that what you were 1873 01:38:31.920 --> 01:38:39.040 talking about yeah when we get really you take Jim Bakker's class with with God yes yeah yeah 1874 01:38:39.840 --> 01:38:51.680 yeah so so anyway I um I set up a a harmony profile and oh my gosh like yeah it was a lot 1875 01:38:51.680 --> 01:39:00.160 it was a lot for me emotionally just to open up the window and put pictures up write a bio 1876 01:39:01.280 --> 01:39:08.400 and now I'm talking with somebody and he lives he lives so I've only been on for 1877 01:39:09.360 --> 01:39:15.840 maybe two days and he messaged me yesterday and we and he lives like I don't know where he lives 1878 01:39:15.840 --> 01:39:25.760 but somewhere in this town and it's not big and um so yeah really totally not my type so like he's 1879 01:39:25.760 --> 01:39:33.280 like my so my my pre-heart healing type would be like it's always been like metrosexual really 1880 01:39:33.280 --> 01:39:40.320 polished executive that sort of but now like I'm looking at these profiles and I've always 1881 01:39:40.320 --> 01:39:47.760 I've always been drawn to like a really warm countenance and this guy's got the sweetest eyes 1882 01:39:48.640 --> 01:39:54.880 he's like he seems like a really strong christian like he's his eyes like reflect 1883 01:39:54.880 --> 01:39:59.920 a really soft gentle heart and um but he 1884 01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.960 He has a barn. And he does not have barn animals. But he fishes 1885 01:40:06.960 --> 01:40:12.680 and hunts. And he has he has a beard. He's a he's a really 1886 01:40:12.680 --> 01:40:16.640 manly man. I mean, he's manicured enough, but he's a 1887 01:40:16.640 --> 01:40:21.480 real manly man, like, so like the type that would swing 1888 01:40:21.480 --> 01:40:22.680 hammer and 1889 01:40:22.680 --> 01:40:29.920 um, and so it's just like, I just look at his like, yeah, I, 1890 01:40:30.080 --> 01:40:32.960 I definitely know that like, there's always been like this. 1891 01:40:34.200 --> 01:40:40.520 This look of more like, I've got this sort of pride sort of look 1892 01:40:40.520 --> 01:40:49.000 with the people I've gone out with. Yeah, self protected, 1893 01:40:49.000 --> 01:40:55.520 right? Yeah, this guy seems really sweet. So anyway, you 1894 01:40:55.520 --> 01:40:59.320 know, I was just really proud of myself when he he said things, 1895 01:40:59.360 --> 01:41:01.720 things that I've never heard before, like I've never dated 1896 01:41:01.720 --> 01:41:08.600 anybody who had a barn. And just like didn't, like just, and the 1897 01:41:08.600 --> 01:41:14.720 hunting and fishing just like, enjoyed it for why he likes it 1898 01:41:14.720 --> 01:41:18.960 the joy that it brings him and connecting to nature. And so 1899 01:41:19.000 --> 01:41:22.480 yeah, it was a really good experience. But I do. So the 1900 01:41:22.480 --> 01:41:28.160 reason I so I mean, I would like to just see where it goes. I'm 1901 01:41:28.560 --> 01:41:34.440 like, not. I don't didn't really feel like any real excitement 1902 01:41:34.440 --> 01:41:38.360 other than his eyes. His eyes are exciting. His eyes are 1903 01:41:38.360 --> 01:41:43.040 really sweet. So that was that's that's fun for me just such 1904 01:41:43.040 --> 01:41:49.120 soft, such soft eyes with the manliness. And he seems to I 1905 01:41:49.120 --> 01:41:55.560 think he's got like a decent stature. So yeah, the hunting 1906 01:41:55.560 --> 01:41:58.480 and fishing thing. I'm like, I don't even know what to do with 1907 01:41:58.480 --> 01:42:04.160 that. So yeah, so anyway, I'd like to just see where it goes 1908 01:42:04.160 --> 01:42:10.440 just for practice. But there's a guy that I that I just always 1909 01:42:10.440 --> 01:42:13.520 think of on my mind from ministry school from when I was 1910 01:42:13.520 --> 01:42:24.240 in California. And he's just, I, I don't know him. Well. He was 1911 01:42:24.240 --> 01:42:26.880 interested in one of my housemates when I was out there. 1912 01:42:27.200 --> 01:42:32.560 But she was, he's, I would say late 40s. So I'd say there's 1913 01:42:32.560 --> 01:42:38.600 probably seven years younger. And I can see by the things he 1914 01:42:38.600 --> 01:42:42.600 posts that we would have a lot in common. And my housemate was 1915 01:42:42.600 --> 01:42:46.600 like in her mid 30s. So she was like 10 years younger. So I just 1916 01:42:46.600 --> 01:42:50.600 kind of always was like, Oh, he likes to date younger gals. And 1917 01:42:50.600 --> 01:42:56.320 I think he's probably like 4849. I'm 55. So but I can see by his 1918 01:42:56.320 --> 01:43:00.760 posts that like we have an awful lot in common. And so I think 1919 01:43:00.760 --> 01:43:04.280 about possibly reaching out to him, but I'm not quite sure what 1920 01:43:04.280 --> 01:43:08.280 I would say. He's definitely acquaintance level. I mean, it 1921 01:43:08.280 --> 01:43:12.320 came by our house, but he was all into my housemate. 1922 01:43:14.400 --> 01:43:17.080 You know, you could message him and say, Hey, how's everything 1923 01:43:17.080 --> 01:43:17.840 been going? 1924 01:43:20.040 --> 01:43:26.280 Yeah, if that, I don't know if I know him well enough to, to even 1925 01:43:26.560 --> 01:43:31.240 Hey, this is Lori from ministry school. I hope you remember me. 1926 01:43:31.240 --> 01:43:35.200 How's everything going? Used to stop by a house when you were 1927 01:43:35.240 --> 01:43:36.480 digging on my housemate. 1928 01:43:36.640 --> 01:43:40.520 Oh, no, that he knows. He knows that what he knows who I am. 1929 01:43:40.520 --> 01:43:43.200 It's not. Oh, what are you saying? That's how you make his 1930 01:43:43.200 --> 01:43:47.040 acquaintance. You say, Hey, this is Lori. How's everything been 1931 01:43:47.040 --> 01:43:47.480 going? 1932 01:43:50.360 --> 01:43:52.280 That's you making his acquaintance. 1933 01:43:52.320 --> 01:43:55.520 Well, I looked at one of his I looked at one of his stories. 1934 01:43:55.520 --> 01:44:02.480 And I accidentally I have no idea. But accidentally. I 1935 01:44:02.480 --> 01:44:06.960 accidentally liked it with I don't even know how to find 1936 01:44:06.960 --> 01:44:12.920 this emoji. It was an emoji with fire in her eyes. And I'm like, 1937 01:44:12.960 --> 01:44:15.720 Oh my gosh, like, I didn't even know that I had done it until 1938 01:44:15.720 --> 01:44:19.560 he messaged me back. Like, I don't even know where to find 1939 01:44:19.560 --> 01:44:19.680 this. 1940 01:44:21.360 --> 01:44:23.480 What's that? What did he say back? 1941 01:44:24.560 --> 01:44:25.800 When did he see that? 1942 01:44:25.840 --> 01:44:28.880 You said you said until he messaged you back? What did he 1943 01:44:28.880 --> 01:44:29.680 say back? 1944 01:44:30.280 --> 01:44:31.520 Oh, 1945 01:44:31.560 --> 01:44:35.080 or did he just like during or did he just like your emoji? 1946 01:44:35.760 --> 01:44:43.040 Um, I don't remember. Let me see. Okay. I think he asked 1947 01:44:44.400 --> 01:44:46.280 where I was or how I was. 1948 01:44:46.600 --> 01:44:49.400 Oh, so what are you talking about? Lord? There you go. 1949 01:44:51.080 --> 01:44:58.320 Oh, I mean, I didn't think that meant anything. Okay. Um, 1950 01:45:01.000 --> 01:45:04.360 I said, Oops, I said I had no idea that I sent that fiery 1951 01:45:04.360 --> 01:45:05.280 eyed girl. 1952 01:45:07.360 --> 01:45:11.120 It was actually good practice for me to do something stupid 1953 01:45:11.120 --> 01:45:16.240 like that. And, and, and laugh hysterically and not be like so 1954 01:45:16.240 --> 01:45:21.800 upset with myself. I thought it was so funny, because it was so 1955 01:45:21.800 --> 01:45:25.800 embarrassing. And I mean, maybe I need to look into why I 1956 01:45:25.800 --> 01:45:27.640 thought that was so embarrassing. But 1957 01:45:28.640 --> 01:45:32.640 well, you were checking them out. Yeah, yeah, I got I got 1958 01:45:32.640 --> 01:45:39.280 caught. But he said something to you. But I said, I hope you I 1959 01:45:39.280 --> 01:45:44.440 said, Oh, I had no idea where that emoji came from. Oh, my. I 1960 01:45:44.440 --> 01:45:48.560 hope you're well. And they said doing great. Thanks still in 1961 01:45:48.560 --> 01:45:54.080 writing yourself. Yeah. And I said, Oh, great to hear. I'm 1962 01:45:54.080 --> 01:45:58.120 back in Michigan. Love living near the water again. And he 1963 01:45:58.120 --> 01:46:02.440 said, Oh, nice. Yeah. Well, you can pick up that was that on his 1964 01:46:02.440 --> 01:46:07.000 page or was it in messenger? This is in messenger. This was 1965 01:46:07.000 --> 01:46:12.280 back. Oh, yeah. Follow back up with them. What would I say 1966 01:46:12.280 --> 01:46:16.840 though? Hey, how's it going? How's everything going over 1967 01:46:16.840 --> 01:46:20.360 there ready? What kind of ministry have you been involved 1968 01:46:20.360 --> 01:46:25.120 in lately? Yeah, I'm in this. I'm in Jim Bakker's program. I 1969 01:46:25.120 --> 01:46:27.800 know you're familiar with the willful God has been amazing. 1970 01:46:28.200 --> 01:46:32.120 Why? Why would you? That feels like I'm beating around the 1971 01:46:32.120 --> 01:46:38.800 bush. What do you want to say? Marry me? No, Laura, you're 1972 01:46:38.800 --> 01:46:45.640 trying to hear me. Laurie, you are only engaging in 1973 01:46:45.640 --> 01:46:49.080 conversation. Okay, using yourself for being around a 1974 01:46:49.080 --> 01:46:51.440 bush when you're not being around a bush at all. You are 1975 01:46:51.760 --> 01:46:55.360 engaging in conversation. That's your motive to engage in 1976 01:46:55.360 --> 01:46:59.520 conversation. He's a single man. You're a single woman. So you're 1977 01:46:59.520 --> 01:47:02.680 like, you you're not interested in dating them because you 1978 01:47:02.680 --> 01:47:06.720 don't really know him. Right? Yeah. And so you're trying to 1979 01:47:06.720 --> 01:47:11.080 engage in conversation and just start talking to him. Because he 1980 01:47:11.080 --> 01:47:14.120 was your classmate. And say, Hey, hey, hey, check it out. 1981 01:47:14.120 --> 01:47:16.360 You have everything going over there reading what you've been 1982 01:47:16.360 --> 01:47:20.320 getting into. Right? You're going to use those words and 1983 01:47:20.320 --> 01:47:24.400 produces that tone is warm. And it's like a person I knew in 1984 01:47:24.400 --> 01:47:27.520 ministry school is talking to me. You're going to know after 1985 01:47:27.520 --> 01:47:32.280 you start conversating with him, if he's interested in war. Okay. 1986 01:47:32.640 --> 01:47:35.720 And he's going to reciprocate. It feels like you're up to 1987 01:47:35.720 --> 01:47:39.480 something but you're not. You're a single woman who sees a single 1988 01:47:39.480 --> 01:47:45.000 man. Tell me how it goes. You don't seem convinced. 1989 01:47:46.000 --> 01:47:49.120 Come on. I feel nervous. I know. 1990 01:47:52.400 --> 01:47:53.800 Go ahead, Felicia. 1991 01:47:54.400 --> 01:47:57.120 Lori, you're so cute. I wish I was as nervous as you. 1992 01:48:02.840 --> 01:48:07.680 We can we can switch accounts and help a sister out. 1993 01:48:09.080 --> 01:48:11.840 I know I would take some away for you been got married by 1994 01:48:11.840 --> 01:48:13.400 what's up, Felicia. 1995 01:48:13.880 --> 01:48:16.760 Okay, so I'm having fun as you say, and you know, everyone say 1996 01:48:16.760 --> 01:48:19.640 thank you not only to you, but the team, but you specifically 1997 01:48:19.640 --> 01:48:25.120 because I wouldn't get this far without you as bold as I am. So 1998 01:48:25.120 --> 01:48:29.360 this guy, I don't know, he, you know, he seems to be a great guy 1999 01:48:29.360 --> 01:48:36.880 but I'm like I said, I'm not a catch, not a catch person. So I 2000 01:48:36.880 --> 01:48:39.320 don't know if you asked me what, what do I like about him? I 2001 01:48:39.320 --> 01:48:42.640 don't know what I would tell you. I like the conversation. I 2002 01:48:42.640 --> 01:48:46.760 like how he initiate things to do like the movie date. That was 2003 01:48:46.760 --> 01:48:49.800 really good. I don't know because I've been away from 2004 01:48:49.800 --> 01:48:52.920 someone for so long. It really feels good or it really supposed 2005 01:48:52.920 --> 01:48:56.720 to feel so right. And then we have another date on Saturday 2006 01:48:56.720 --> 01:48:59.320 which is what dinner we just had dinner together on the phone. I 2007 01:48:59.320 --> 01:49:03.040 kind of like that. I don't know if that's true, but I kind of 2008 01:49:03.040 --> 01:49:06.320 like it because he initiate these things right and I didn't 2009 01:49:06.480 --> 01:49:09.040 have to do it because I'm always the one who initiate things. So 2010 01:49:09.040 --> 01:49:13.200 I like that. And also, you know, we just talk about like we're 2011 01:49:13.200 --> 01:49:17.880 kids. We talk about colors and just basic things, which is so 2012 01:49:17.880 --> 01:49:21.160 great. You're not digging into anything hard. He's a 2013 01:49:21.160 --> 01:49:24.920 conversational person. So it's great to talk to him. You know, 2014 01:49:24.920 --> 01:49:28.120 he asked me stuff I answer and if I don't feel like answer, 2015 01:49:28.160 --> 01:49:30.720 that's where my reserve would show up because they don't 2016 01:49:30.720 --> 01:49:33.760 understand because they're not in coaching. So they want to 2017 01:49:33.880 --> 01:49:38.360 answer. I'll be quiet because I start to learn how to do that. 2018 01:49:38.360 --> 01:49:41.720 Like, you know, way before I came to this group. So I would 2019 01:49:41.720 --> 01:49:45.000 just not have nothing to send out a smile. But he enjoyed that 2020 01:49:45.000 --> 01:49:49.560 he enjoyed the smile. So yeah, so we're doing we're talking and 2021 01:49:49.600 --> 01:49:52.720 I don't know. I don't want to miss the opportunity to talk to 2022 01:49:52.720 --> 01:49:55.600 other people. So I do want to up and check other people out. And 2023 01:49:55.600 --> 01:49:57.120 it feels great doing that. 2024 01:49:57.120 --> 01:49:59.520 Yeah, I think that's great. I think that's great. 2025 01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.760 that because I'm not, you know, I'm not feeling like this one guy is the one, I'm still checking 2026 01:50:04.760 --> 01:50:11.280 things out. So yeah, so we're having been over the phone, I kind of like that, like, 2027 01:50:11.280 --> 01:50:16.400 it's okay for that. I don't have to meet him right now. But I heard in my head said, you 2028 01:50:16.400 --> 01:50:21.560 know, two to three weeks, so I think we're working on them on the end of the month. And 2029 01:50:21.560 --> 01:50:25.600 the halfway thing, I didn't want to do it. I was thinking he should just do the three 2030 01:50:25.600 --> 01:50:29.960 hours, but he's three hours away. But then I said, you know, I thought about it. I said, 2031 01:50:29.960 --> 01:50:35.080 I could do that. I could do the investment by driving an hour or maybe an hour or an 2032 01:50:35.080 --> 01:50:39.240 hour and a half. So that's how it's going right now. The only thing is that because 2033 01:50:39.240 --> 01:50:43.800 he doesn't understand that he understands that I'm on, he knows I'm in coaching, but 2034 01:50:43.800 --> 01:50:47.840 he doesn't understand it. Like, why can't I answer for my but he's understanding a little 2035 01:50:47.840 --> 01:50:53.240 bit more now. When I said I don't want to answer that question right now. It's not the 2036 01:50:53.240 --> 01:50:57.280 time for that. You know, but he brought up the word exclusive. I was so shocked. I'm 2037 01:50:57.280 --> 01:51:03.000 like, what the heck you get this word from? He says, so when we get exclusive, then we 2038 01:51:03.000 --> 01:51:06.640 can talk about it. I said, Oh, you got the word. Well, I was kind of surprised he had 2039 01:51:06.640 --> 01:51:11.000 the word I really get this word from. Oh, you know, we're talking. He's very marriage 2040 01:51:11.000 --> 01:51:16.680 minded. I really, if you ask me one thing I like, he's very marriage minded. I really 2041 01:51:16.680 --> 01:51:23.040 like that. He shared his story when he started transforming what makes him, he asked me, 2042 01:51:23.840 --> 01:51:27.320 if I want to hear it. And I said, well, it depends on how deep it is. But it was a story 2043 01:51:27.320 --> 01:51:32.520 of how he came to the Lord through baptism and he shared that. And that was it. But he's 2044 01:51:32.520 --> 01:51:38.000 very respectful. Like, okay. I, one more boundary I did in the beginning. Like I said, I would 2045 01:51:38.000 --> 01:51:42.160 like for you to kind of check with me if I'm able and if I'm available to talk and he never 2046 01:51:42.160 --> 01:51:48.040 violated that. He always make sure he said, are you available? You know, so stuff, but 2047 01:51:48.040 --> 01:51:55.560 he's very, you know, respectful, like you said, but he looked like, he seemed like he 2048 01:51:55.560 --> 01:51:57.840 would want to attach and that's kind of scary. 2049 01:52:01.080 --> 01:52:08.560 Yeah. Don't be concerned about his attachment. Be concerned about your ability to set boundaries 2050 01:52:08.560 --> 01:52:21.120 well. It doesn't matter if he attaches. You set boundaries for you. Everything else is 2051 01:52:21.120 --> 01:52:32.480 his problem. Right? He learned relationship that way. You don't have to, it could make 2052 01:52:32.480 --> 01:52:36.200 you want to put on some running shoes and run, but you're in control. You're in control 2053 01:52:36.200 --> 01:52:40.680 of you. And that's the only person you need to be in control of. And you get to set 2054 01:52:40.680 --> 01:52:44.880 boundaries. And so if you feel them being more clingy than you enjoy, then you just find a way 2055 01:52:44.880 --> 01:52:50.640 to set a very kind boundary. Meaning it's a soft answer. It's a soft response. You know, you 2056 01:52:50.640 --> 01:52:54.360 don't have to say, I noticed that you're in a niche now, you need to get back. You could just 2057 01:52:54.360 --> 01:52:59.480 say, Hey, um, I noticed that let's say he starts calling a lot. This is just an example, 2058 01:52:59.480 --> 01:53:04.720 whether he does or not, just an example. Um, he called third time that day, you talk the next 2059 01:53:04.720 --> 01:53:11.400 day, he calls say, Hey, not going to be, um, as able to talk as much as I was yesterday. And 2060 01:53:11.400 --> 01:53:17.320 then you just slowly wean him down to how much time you want. Does that make sense? And so 2061 01:53:17.320 --> 01:53:23.320 his natural inclination is to cling. And you realize that he's clingy, but you do what's 2062 01:53:23.320 --> 01:53:30.160 best for you. He will pick up on your rhythm. And then the point, if it gets to where you 2063 01:53:30.160 --> 01:53:35.600 feel suffocated, say, wow, we are, we've learned how to do relationship a lot different. I'm 2064 01:53:35.600 --> 01:53:42.320 starting to feel a bit suffocated. So this is what I'm going to do. These are the things 2065 01:53:42.320 --> 01:53:47.480 that I believe served me best. Let's minimize our phone calls. So about three to four times a 2066 01:53:47.480 --> 01:53:54.880 week, I enjoy talking to you, but I need a little more space to myself. You see? Oh, yeah, 2067 01:53:54.880 --> 01:54:03.160 I do that. Do you understand what I'm saying? Felicia? Yes. Yes. Yes. Um, yeah. If I had to be 2068 01:54:03.160 --> 01:54:08.440 completely, you know, Oh, Laura went, so we went so far. It's okay. If I had to be completely 2069 01:54:08.440 --> 01:54:15.480 honest with you, um, the guy that I really like and date, he's very anxiously attached and I can 2070 01:54:15.480 --> 01:54:20.000 recognize his attachment style, but because I have the ability and I'm aware and I recognize 2071 01:54:20.000 --> 01:54:27.160 his attachment style, I just made sure I did things to keep him back off of me. He probably 2072 01:54:27.160 --> 01:54:32.440 doesn't even know what's happening, but I just, I just navigate where I can see that he's just, 2073 01:54:32.440 --> 01:54:37.280 that's his attachment style. I don't hold it against him because I make decisions for my life. 2074 01:54:37.920 --> 01:54:44.360 And so he doesn't try to, he could smother me. He don't even know. He don't know what he's doing. I 2075 01:54:44.360 --> 01:54:50.960 used to be anxiously attached and I had to grow and learn and all these things. And so you're in 2076 01:54:50.960 --> 01:54:57.920 control. Yeah. What do you think about the date initiated, like initiating the date, like the 2077 01:54:57.920 --> 01:54:59.320 movie one, the dinner one? 2078 01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.400 That was cute going to the movies at home. 2079 01:55:02.400 --> 01:55:03.960 You're doing your movie day at home. 2080 01:55:03.960 --> 01:55:07.160 He's doing his movie day. 2081 01:55:07.160 --> 01:55:11.640 And I think that you going halfway is a really good thing. 2082 01:55:11.640 --> 01:55:13.720 The reason why I like it, and I have to tell you, 2083 01:55:13.720 --> 01:55:16.200 people answer based on how they process inwardly. 2084 01:55:16.200 --> 01:55:18.280 And I'm saying this so you can hear. 2085 01:55:18.280 --> 01:55:24.560 I have to always, I am bent toward this belief 2086 01:55:24.560 --> 01:55:28.320 that if you do too much for me, I owe you something, 2087 01:55:28.320 --> 01:55:30.200 especially when it comes to men. 2088 01:55:30.200 --> 01:55:33.880 And so to offset that, if somebody lives far away, 2089 01:55:33.880 --> 01:55:36.280 I just try to meet them halfway, unless they 2090 01:55:36.280 --> 01:55:38.880 insist that they come all the way. 2091 01:55:38.880 --> 01:55:41.880 Now, I'm not going to try to pick up a bill at the table. 2092 01:55:41.880 --> 01:55:45.000 I've trained myself out of all of those things. 2093 01:55:45.000 --> 01:55:46.240 I'm not going to do that. 2094 01:55:46.240 --> 01:55:48.160 I've trained myself to let a person lead. 2095 01:55:48.160 --> 01:55:52.880 It took growth, but this is coming 2096 01:55:52.880 --> 01:55:54.360 from a girl who had daddy issues. 2097 01:55:54.360 --> 01:55:56.360 It's coming from a girl who's had a lot of trauma 2098 01:55:56.360 --> 01:55:58.080 as a little girl with men. 2099 01:55:58.360 --> 01:56:03.120 So that means that I had to do some working to get me there. 2100 01:56:03.120 --> 01:56:05.360 But I'm like, hey, you're driving from a distance. 2101 01:56:05.360 --> 01:56:06.480 I'm trying to go a distance. 2102 01:56:06.480 --> 01:56:08.560 I don't want you to feel that maybe I possibly 2103 01:56:08.560 --> 01:56:11.360 could possibly owe you a little bit more than I should. 2104 01:56:11.360 --> 01:56:13.080 This is a running thing inside of me 2105 01:56:13.080 --> 01:56:16.520 that I have to keep bending the other way. 2106 01:56:16.520 --> 01:56:20.040 And so it is my inclination to meet halfway, 2107 01:56:20.040 --> 01:56:22.400 unless, like the person I'm dating said, 2108 01:56:22.400 --> 01:56:23.720 you're not meeting me anywhere. 2109 01:56:23.720 --> 01:56:26.920 I'm coming to you because I come to pursue you. 2110 01:56:26.920 --> 01:56:28.280 That's just the way it works. 2111 01:56:28.280 --> 01:56:31.080 He's very masculine, very, very masculine. 2112 01:56:31.080 --> 01:56:33.480 And so he came six hours 2113 01:56:33.480 --> 01:56:35.400 and he wouldn't have it any other way. 2114 01:56:36.600 --> 01:56:37.840 So, you know. 2115 01:56:39.280 --> 01:56:40.840 Okay, thank you so much. 2116 01:56:40.840 --> 01:56:42.040 You're welcome. 2117 01:56:42.040 --> 01:56:43.760 Kelly, you're going to have to post on the wall 2118 01:56:43.760 --> 01:56:45.360 because I'm well over my time 2119 01:56:45.360 --> 01:56:48.440 and I would want to hear what you have to say so badly. 2120 01:56:48.440 --> 01:56:49.640 I really, really do. 2121 01:56:50.520 --> 01:56:53.440 But I can't, but it's okay. 2122 01:56:53.440 --> 01:56:55.480 Can you post it on the wall for me? 2123 01:56:57.840 --> 01:56:58.680 Huh? 2124 01:56:58.680 --> 01:56:59.760 Yeah. 2125 01:56:59.760 --> 01:57:01.280 What's that, Kelly? 2126 01:57:01.280 --> 01:57:03.000 On the wall or in the- 2127 01:57:03.000 --> 01:57:05.960 I'm in community, put it on the coach tab, sorry. 2128 01:57:05.960 --> 01:57:06.800 Okay, okay. 2129 01:57:06.800 --> 01:57:07.640 Okay. 2130 01:57:07.640 --> 01:57:10.880 But real quick, do you post our videos, 2131 01:57:10.880 --> 01:57:12.440 our records, these to the- 2132 01:57:13.640 --> 01:57:15.320 They don't repost eight o'clock. 2133 01:57:15.320 --> 01:57:16.320 They don't not repost. 2134 01:57:16.320 --> 01:57:18.280 They don't post eight o'clock videos. 2135 01:57:18.280 --> 01:57:20.560 They only post 1 p.m. 2136 01:57:24.440 --> 01:57:26.080 Kelly, you went out. 2137 01:57:27.920 --> 01:57:30.800 Can you hear me? 2138 01:57:30.800 --> 01:57:33.040 Nah, I can hear you say, can you hear me? 2139 01:57:33.040 --> 01:57:33.880 Yes. 2140 01:57:37.960 --> 01:57:39.640 On a reference later. 2141 01:57:41.080 --> 01:57:44.440 Kelly, I heard something about a reference later. 2142 01:57:45.560 --> 01:57:47.680 Yes, your advice. 2143 01:57:47.680 --> 01:57:52.440 Oh, if you remember to like put on, coach, 2144 01:57:52.440 --> 01:57:54.040 put, send a message. 2145 01:57:54.040 --> 01:57:56.040 I mean, you know, post on the wall, just say, 2146 01:57:56.080 --> 01:57:57.080 you don't have to be exact, 2147 01:57:57.080 --> 01:58:00.840 just say advice about running across the line. 2148 01:58:00.840 --> 01:58:03.280 Anything, whatever little phrase you remember 2149 01:58:03.280 --> 01:58:05.760 and I'll try to piggyback after that. 2150 01:58:05.760 --> 01:58:07.080 Okay. 2151 01:58:07.080 --> 01:58:08.120 I'm sorry. 2152 01:58:08.120 --> 01:58:10.240 I wish they would post your group 2153 01:58:10.240 --> 01:58:12.720 because I feel like I would like to go back 2154 01:58:12.720 --> 01:58:14.880 and reference it because it's so good. 2155 01:58:14.880 --> 01:58:16.520 I know, I'm so sorry, Kelly. 2156 01:58:16.520 --> 01:58:17.360 I know. 2157 01:58:17.360 --> 01:58:18.440 It's okay, it's okay. 2158 01:58:18.440 --> 01:58:21.040 I'll post in the coaches area about my question. 2159 01:58:21.040 --> 01:58:22.080 Okay, sounds good. 2160 01:58:22.080 --> 01:58:23.480 Ladies, you guys have a good night. 2161 01:58:23.480 --> 01:58:24.320 I enjoyed you. 2162 01:58:24.320 --> 01:58:26.080 I'm sorry for keeping you way past time. 2163 01:58:26.080 --> 01:58:27.320 Have a good night. 2164 01:58:27.320 --> 01:58:28.360 We'll see you soon. 2165 01:58:28.360 --> 01:58:29.520 Okay. 2166 01:58:29.520 --> 01:58:31.080 Good to see you Lauren. 2167 01:58:31.080 --> 01:58:31.920 Bye y'all. 2168 01:58:31.920 --> 01:58:32.760 Thank you. 2169 01:58:32.760 --> 01:58:33.600 Thank you. 2170 01:58:33.600 --> 01:58:34.440 You're welcome. 2171 01:58:34.440 --> 01:58:35.280 Thank you. 2172 01:58:35.280 --> 01:58:36.120 Have a good night. 2173 01:58:36.120 --> 01:58:36.960 Thank you. 2174 01:58:36.960 --> 01:58:37.800 Bye, good night. 2175 01:58:37.800 --> 01:58:38.640 Bye.