WEBVTT

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Hello, welcome. Welcome, welcome. Hello. So glad to be here with you tonight. For those

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of you that don't know my husband yet, maybe you're new to phase three or our men's group.

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This is my husband, Brian Cooper. He's here going to co-facilitate with me tonight. And

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we have three amazing couples with us this evening as well. So I'm going to start with

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the one that's been married the longest, which we have two newlywed couples in an engaged

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couple tonight. So it's kind of fun, but Eric and Melinda were married on March 1st. Congratulations

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again. So y'all are about that. Well, just past four months. And then Joss, did I say

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that right? All right. And I keep wanting to say Josh, but I'm going to work on that

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tonight. And Carrie, we're just married, married April 5th. So almost at three months for them.

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And then AJ and Brittany got engaged on April 12th. And what I would love to know before

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we go into kind of what's going to happen tonight, have y'all picked a date? No pressure

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if you haven't, but just want to know, have y'all picked a date yet? Yes, September 22nd.

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Awesome. That's great. Before we were even engaged. We picked a date before we were even

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engaged. We did too. And we got married in September. So we did, we did. September's

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a good month. Well, welcome to all of our couples that are going to be sharing their

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love stories with you tonight. If y'all don't know the way that this works for anyone that's

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new joining us for love stories is we have every couple share a little bit about their

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love story from their perspective. How, like what was God doing in them before they met

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each other? And then what was some of the things that God was doing in them as they

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came together? And each person in the couple will share, excuse me, then we'll move to

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the next couple, have them share. And then the third couple, and then what we'll do after

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that is kind of like a round Robin where I'll just start to ask you all questions based

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off of things that you share. I know a little bit about most of your stories, just been

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chatting with you the last few days. And I know there's a couple topics we're going to

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really want to touch on tonight. So I'm looking forward to drawing those out of your

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stories and really blessing our community tonight. So thank you again for being here.

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Let me pray for us real quick. Father, thank you so much for these amazing couples. God,

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thank you that we get to be a part of this community and a part of the greater vision

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that you've given Jackie and David and so many of us, God, that really believe in what

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you're doing, that you're raising up kingdom families and marriages. We ask you to bless

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this time tonight. Bless the couples that have come to share, God, that you would give

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them insight and just direction, even as they share that you calm nerves and just let it

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be a fun and exciting night for all those that are here as well. We thank you, God,

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for more kingdom families and marriages to come and the days ahead as well in Jesus name.

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Amen. Amen. Amen. All right. So we're going to go for those who have been married the

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longest first. So we're going to start with Eric and Belinda, and then we'll go to Joss

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and Kerry, and then we'll come to AJ and Brittany. So Eric and Belinda, do you want

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to share a little bit about kind of your backstory before y'all met and then how God brought

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you together and kind of as we chatted, just each one of you would share a little bit about

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that and then we'll go from there. Absolutely. Thank you. If there were anything I would

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have guessed would not have been that we were the longest married. It was not my expectations.

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All right. So yeah, I'll start. I'll tell my backstory. I was born in, is that too far back?

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No, I'm kidding. So I was married for about 20 years, got divorced, well, separated

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15 years ago, divorced finally 11 years ago. So it was a bit of a drawn out situation.

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There was an infidelity on my ex-wife's part that we couldn't work through or recover

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from. And so that's what led to me filing for divorce. We were fairly amicable. Our kids are

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older. So that made it easy. I think my youngest at that time was 17. So he was sort of months

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away. So that made that easy. But obviously any time you're going through a divorce, it's

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traumatic and very easy to point the finger at all the faults of the other person and

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walk away cheerfully that you're all good. But that's obviously all of us at this point should

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know that that's not.

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the case. So I wanted to spend time getting myself healed and recovered from not only the trauma of

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the marriage, but the trauma of the divorce. I went to a divorce care program through my church

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at the time and one of the things that they suggested was that you should be single for

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one year for every four years you were married. And I took that seriously and so spent

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probably the first eight years very intentionally single,

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um, spent time independently working on my own healing and sort of analyzing the reasons behind

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the reasons of the things that I did to contribute in my in our relationship.

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I'm a pretty avid outdoorsman. I like to hike a lot and so I spent a lot of time hiking

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and what I would do is as I was preparing to go on a hike by myself,

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um, I would think of a question, uh, relative to my healing or my situation or my personality or

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what have you. And I would, um, start out the hike. I would ask and talk to God about the

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question and then just hike in silence, waiting to hear for answers. Um, I brought a journal.

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So I, when, when I would hear the Lord speaking to me, um, I would write that down for further

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reflection. I'll be honest. There was a number of hikes that if somebody were walking the other

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direction, they would have seen me sort of crying in, as I was, you know, reliving hurts, um,

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going back to my childhood. So it was kind of semi-joking when I say when I start, but, you know,

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a lot of the things that we do as adults are things that we learned as children, um, either

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how we were treated by our parents or things that we saw modeled by our parents. Um, so,

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you know, a lot of that's hard to face, uh, as an adult. Um, so that's what I did, read,

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um, a lot of books on marriage and, and things to, um, or, or sort of expectations and what

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should be expected of me as a Christian man in a Christian marriage. Um, so that I could

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not only heal from heal, but also prepare for what was ahead, heal from what was in the past and,

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and prepare, um, for what was, um, coming. Um, and then spent a lot of time and energy just being,

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um, comfortable if relationship wasn't in my future, you know, spent a lot of time, uh,

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reflecting on first Corinthians eight, where Paul talks about, if you're single, it's better to be

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single because you can devote fully to the Lord. And when you're in a relationship, your, uh, focus

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and your attentions get divided. So I meditated a lot on that. I've got a friend of mine. Who's a

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single gentleman. And he would joke that we were like in Matthew, we were a eunuchs for the kingdom.

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So that we, we were, uh, or, or I was, um, dedicating time and effort towards my growing

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my relationship with the Lord, um, through obviously reading prayer, uh, trying to be

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as active and serving in my church. I was involved in a couple of ministries that, um,

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at my church. And so it was just really focused on that. I wasn't

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necessarily looking for relationship when Belinda came along. Um, I don't know if you want me to

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continue into that story at this point, or would you like to tag team if you want to? So Belinda

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can come in and kind of tell her side, and then you guys could come back and tell how you met.

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It's totally up to you. Oh, perfect. All right. So, um, hi everyone. I, I was married two times

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previously, Eric's my third marriage. And the first marriage was about a year and a half. And I

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got my son out of that, that my last marriage was a little over 11 and a half years. And we,

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um, divorced in 2018. And I was just a mess after that. I wasn't making any good decisions.

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I was hurt and, and, and I knew enough to know that I needed healing, but I didn't know how to

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get healed. And so I just spent a lot of time just alone because I didn't trust myself making any

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types of decisions. And I would just pray like a simple prayer every day that Lord, you know,

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just heal the trauma to my heart, heal the trauma to the soul. And that's all I knew what to say.

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Eric, I love to hike and I love the outdoors and I was coming back, driving back from a

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hike by myself and Jackie came on the radio about her program and one of the things that

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she was talking about, you know, back then it was called Married in 12 Months, but one

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of the things that she talked about that really just witnessed to me was, you know, we can

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go through life and get traumas or get hurts and wounds, but in it, like, creates these

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false identities in us and creates filters and blinders on our eyes that cause us to

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kind of continue to make the same mistakes over and over again and so you're repeating

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these cycles and that just resonated so deeply with me that I was like, this is, this is,

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this is it, Lord.

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I felt it was really an answer to a prayer and so I joined her Facebook, her free Facebook

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challenge and went right into the program and not necessarily because I wanted to get

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married right away, I loved the idea of marriage, I wanted, obviously, to have a long-standing

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marriage, but it was really just because I knew I needed healing and I didn't want to

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get into a relationship carrying in kind of the same baggage that I did from the past

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two marriages or from childhood, as Eric had mentioned.

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We can carry things for years and bring those into relationships.

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So it was mainly to get healed and to build community and I just fell in love.

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There was people that I met, I live in California, there's a group of us with Northern California

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that met some in Southern California and we would get together and just that sisterhood

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and being able to share the teachings that we were getting and reinforcing that with

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each other was just kind of, it was, it was wonderful.

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So I think I spent the first couple of years pretty quiet, but I was listening to all the

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lives, to all the teachings, I was taking it all in.

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I did my Jesus Cares Board, which I still do today, and that heart, that, if you guys,

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from the heart book that, you know, every morning just surrendering, asking the Lord

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to look into your heart and reveal things that need to get healed, it's still just a

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powerful tool that I use today.

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So it was going through all those things through those first couple of years and watching everybody

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go on their dates and learning how to date and being on the dating apps and so forth.

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So that was kind of where I was coming from.

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And then after about two years in the program, or maybe even two and a half years, I had

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a friend that was actually in the community and she was dating somebody and she's like,

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hey, you know, we, we know this guy and he's really, he's a great guy.

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He's a godly guy.

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He's financially secure.

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He has a good job.

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He's really sweet and so forth.

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And, you know, I think you're, I think you're going to really like him.

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And then she kind of goes, but he might be too old for you.

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And it just kind of raised a flag for me.

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My former husband was 14 years my senior, and I had told myself this story in my mind

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that the reason that marriage didn't work out, one of the main reasons was because he

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was the age difference.

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And so as you guys know, in this community, we're really taught to kind of let go of our

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lists and the things that we think we're looking for.

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One of the things that Jackie kept encouraging us was like, just go out and have fun.

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Meet people.

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Go out on dates with people that you would normally not even, you know, give the time

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to and give time to respect somebody by giving them that value of your ear and so forth like

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that.

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But for one reason, which really worked except for that one area, that age was really a kind

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of a hindrance.

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And so we actually went on a mutual hike.

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And that's where I was supposed to get introduced to you.

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And we did get introduced.

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And I and my response was, she's beautiful.

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She's super fun.

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She's too young for me.

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So that was June of 23.

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And we we would run into each other a couple of times throughout the rest of that year

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on just in sort of group activities on a rafting trip and a couple of other hikes and

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just kind of, you know, I don't know that I would say we became friends at that point,

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but you know, it's like we were aware of each other.

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And then that year, and I think it was a New Year's Eve party put on by my church's single

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group.

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And the same friends were a little bit more insistent on getting us together.

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The gentleman who's a friend of mine, like, don't worry about the age difference.

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He said with the gal in the gold dress because she was wearing a gold dress.

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So I would say that was kind of the first time.

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So we danced and sat together.

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And that was.

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really, for me, the first time that it's like, oh, there's some chemistry here.

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There's this is this could be something bigger than friendship.

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But again, she's too young for me.

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And I don't know, it probably sounds silly,

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but I'm just thinking that a beautiful, great woman like this

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should be able to find somebody in her age group or closer to her age that would be

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more suitable was what I'm thinking,

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which is probably some insecurity or something.

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I don't know.

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And so yeah, and so just to wrap it up, just to say that I think, you know,

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so I was continuing on this dating apps as well, and I would go out on dates

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sometimes no more than two times with the same person.

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And but I just wasn't finding that right person that connected to.

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And as you said, we would see each other throughout this time.

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And I think at the New Year's Eve dance, I finally just kind of said to myself,

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I was like, why am I like not?

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Why am I passing this person up just because of age?

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You know, like we get along and and like you said, we're starting to fill chemistry.

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And so it was just like it was stupid, basically.

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And it goes against everything we were taught, you know.

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And so I finally in January kind of just reached out.

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So ladies, it's OK to reach out first.

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I reached out first and I sent a simple

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little text and I was like, surprise, it's Belinda, you know, and he responded.

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And so that's kind of how we got matched up in our backgrounds to that.

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This is so great.

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So a couple of ladies are asking, what is the age difference between the two of you?

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Because you mentioned what it was with your prior like your ex.

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But what is the age difference between the two of you?

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Fifty eight years, Tom.

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Twelve years.

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Eric, we like your humor.

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I'm loving it. It's great.

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So twelve years.

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And one of the things I want to point out here, do you all hear the fact that he

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disqualified himself there at one point?

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Like, why would this woman who's beautiful and younger than me,

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why would she pick me? Because there's probably people better

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suited in her age category, all that kind of stuff.

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And the reason I want to point that out is I know there's people even in the

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community that they've said, you know, they'll see someone and they'll

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think they're attractive or something and they'll just like they'll disqualify

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themselves like, oh, they would never pick me.

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And I really want to encourage you all

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to pull away from that kind of thinking and trust the Lord.

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And if they don't respond, OK, fine, whatever.

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But like, give it your best shot.

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Give it your best shot.

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And I think that you just never know what

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kind of amazing person you might find on the other side of that.

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You know, what did they say?

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Like.

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Five seconds or 50 seconds of courage or whatever, however they say that,

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but like if you just get the courage and take that step and yeah, shoot your shot.

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That's right for the men and the women want you all to hear that.

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And then a couple of other things that Belinda was talking about

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with the surrendering the list.

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And then I'm going to come over to Joss and Carrie here in just a moment

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in the surrendering of the list.

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Can you tell us what like what was what was the process God was leading you through?

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Obviously the coaching.

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But like what were the things that God

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led you to surrender off your list before the age thing?

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And how was it for you to like let that go?

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Like tell us that what that looked like for you.

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Yeah, it was every morning repeating that prayer to ask the Lord to reveal what was

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in my heart and to heal those areas and to trust him.

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I think that was huge.

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I, you know, I found I felt like I always thought I trusted the Lord.

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But I think what I found, I've only I

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trusted him in certain areas and I didn't trust him with my heart.

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And and, you know, Jackie, we'll talk

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about that, that we can surrender our heart, but he's trustworthy.

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And then go if we whether it's a step of action, if you're going on a date or maybe

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making a decision in life to you could step out knowing that he's

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for you and he has his best for you and to just be OK with it so that if it

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doesn't work out, it's OK if it does work out or maybe you might experience

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something bad, but there's going to be something maybe you learn from it.

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So it was really coming down to learning

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how to trust and it was just a daily surrender and trying to apply that to other

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areas of my life. And so when I saw fruit of that,

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then being able to finally release the heart, the heart, my heart was the hardest

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thing it had been hurt, you know, I'd gone through two divorces

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and they were this last one was rough and rough.

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And so you just get these walls where you just want to be guarded and controlling it

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and allowing me not to control it.

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And you're right.

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A lot of it just really is the teaching

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in this community and it being reinforced through the morning prayers.

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It's reinforced with the girlfriends that you're meeting in this program

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and people reminding you that.

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And so I just took to heart all those teachings.

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I would take notes, I would review.

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just meditate on that to eventually where I could start to loosen my grip on my heart

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and allow the Lord to, to do something.

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And it, and it, you're exactly, it worked out.

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Like I took that shot with the text and I was, I don't know how this is going to go.

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He responded and it worked out.

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So it was great.

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That's so good.

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One last question before we go over to Joss and Carrie.

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Someone asked how were y'all long distance or did y'all live close to each other?

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We're in the same town.

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In the same town.

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All right.

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We'll circle back to that in a little bit, because I'm going to ask you all just to prepare

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you.

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I'm going to ask you what were some guardrails and things God had you all put in place to

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pace yourselves well, because you lived locally and also just to kind of make sure that you

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were still growing as an individual and not just being absorbed into the relationship.

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All right.

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So when we circle back later, just kind of be ready for that.

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All right.

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Joss and Carrie.

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Hi.

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We would love to hear your story.

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Go ahead.

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Oh, okay.

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I'll go first.

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So I was divorced for eight years when I enrolled in the program and I was super intentional.

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My whole mantra when I went through my divorce, which I went through infidelity, was just

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letting go of the purse strings like, hey, God, what do you want to do with my life?

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And so he really unraveled everything about my identity.

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And I grew up like in the purity culture, sort of a toxic purity culture where marriage

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was everything you stay, even if it's terrible, even if it's dangerous, all the things.

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So there was a lot to be unraveled.

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And I did program after program of heart healing, deliverance, like freedom weekends, all the

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things, everything was focused on my relationship with the Lord.

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There was nothing around marriage or dating or anything.

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I had to get myself right again.

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And so Jackie's program stumbled across my path in like early 2024 and the, the couple

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of things that really transformed me were my attachment style.

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I was super frustrated to learn that I had anxious attachment style, anxious, avoidant

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attachment style.

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So it's like, I would freak out about the thing and then I would run away.

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And I saw that pattern from my childhood.

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It wasn't even like, it wasn't even about dating relationships.

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It was like, if something goes wrong, the bottom is falling out and I'm shutting it

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down.

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And I always saw it as a healthy thing because I was like, well, you know, maybe this isn't

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for me.

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So I would just kind of walk away.

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And then the other thing that came out of the program was, um, breaking soul ties with

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traumatic events.

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So I come from a charismatic background.

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We, we talk a lot about soul ties that was not new to me, but the idea of breaking attachment

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with traumatic events was new.

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I had broken a lot of soul ties with people.

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So breaking soul ties with adultery and within my marriage was huge.

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And then I had some other really pivotal events that had happened that I had sort of latched

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onto that were just kind of holding me back.

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And my interest in Jackie's program was totally about my heart.

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It was nothing else.

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It really even, it wasn't even really about dating and marriage.

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But in the eight years that I had been single, I had drawn so close to the Lord.

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He kept talking to me about being a wife.

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I could not run away from it.

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And I think I was trying to run away from it because the church had forced that down

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my throat, that that was the goal to be achieved.

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That's not biblical.

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That's not what the Bible says.

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So it took that time to reset my heart and say that it was not a standard that I needed

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to achieve.

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It was a blessing that he wanted to give me.

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So once I walked through the soul ties with the traumatic events, specifically adultery,

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that was a big one.

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I met Joss like weeks later, weeks later.

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And so

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It just totally reframed everything.

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It was more about abundance and love and it wasn't about obligation anymore.

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And there were, as Joss and I started dating, and I may be jumping the gun, it was so...

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He answered things so specifically.

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I could not...

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I couldn't look away from the fact that only he could have orchestrated what was happening.

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So, yeah, so that's my story.

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Yeah, well, I think mine parallels in some ways.

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And so it seems to be a similar theme.

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My previous spouse, I was married for almost 19 years, married pretty young.

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And we were in ministry together for about a decade.

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And so I was a youth and worship pastor, and she kind of came alongside, did that.

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We both started to have some doubts, different things, left ministry,

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just feeling like I couldn't be on the stage and still have these doubts and different things.

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And so as I walked away, my doubts started to get answered and hers did not.

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And so we kind of separated along faith lines and then there was infidelity on her part.

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And so that was really tough, obviously.

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But I really look back on it in retrospect.

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Early in my healing from divorce, I looked back on it and said, well, she cheated on me.

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Like that's what went wrong.

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But what really went wrong was God was no longer the foundation of our relationship.

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And I think that that was not something that she was interested in at all.

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And so I think as God has pulled me away from that situation and as I grieve through that,

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that has been the consistent thing that I go back to early in kind of healing from divorce.

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I'd never been through grief like that.

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I'm going to work and it would just hit you with pangs of hurt.

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And so I'd never felt anything that could just kind of ambush you out of nowhere the way that

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that did.

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And so I got into therapy.

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I read all kinds of self-help books and all those things definitely helped.

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They were huge.

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But until I really trusted God to heal those parts of my heart and to walk me through grief

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and that, you know, if everything goes wrong, I'm still his child.

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And I hadn't thought of myself as his child in a long time.

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And so he really fathered me there for a period of time.

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And I think that that was a really important healing part.

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I think early on, I dated some early after my marriage ended.

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Dated for a little bit, but it was a lot more about assuring myself that I was still worthwhile

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to the opposite sex.

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Like there were some hurt I was cheated on.

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Do I have something of value that other people will see?

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But that's not a good way to look for a partner, obviously, because I'm needing something from

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them.

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It's not so much that we're two whole people that are coming together to make a more rich

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experience in life.

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And so I really kind of pumped the brakes on that for a while and really kind of felt

380
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like I needed to walk alone.

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I have two amazing boys that I share 50 percent custody, so I have them week on week off.

382
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And so just really threw myself into that.

383
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Went on dates here or there, but it almost felt like practice.

384
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Like, how do I talk to people?

385
00:29:10.200 --> 00:29:13.560
I haven't been on a date since I was a teenager.

386
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And so just kind of learning all those processes.

387
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But I would definitely say that whenever we met was the first time that I was coming and

388
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I was like, all right, I think I'm ready to get back into this.

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And the big reminder, the big thing that kept I kept at the forefront whenever I dated

390
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this time was who is God wanting me to be with?

391
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Who's going to be able to do ministry with me?

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Who's going to sharpen what God's trying to do through my life?

393
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And how can I sharpen what God's trying to do through their life?

394
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And so that became more of the focal point, not just finding company or trying to assure

395
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myself that I was worthy of a relationship.

396
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I didn't need that to kind of.

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to edify who I was or anything like that.

398
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And so I think at that, whenever I look back, kind of the straight line that I

399
00:30:09.640 --> 00:30:14.000
can draw through all the hurts from a relational perspective that have happened

400
00:30:14.040 --> 00:30:19.480
since my marriage ended was the further I was from God, nothing worked, not just my

401
00:30:19.480 --> 00:30:23.400
marriage, but kind of my whole life, the grief cycle would come back, all those

402
00:30:23.400 --> 00:30:24.840
different, different pieces.

403
00:30:25.080 --> 00:30:28.680
And the closer I was to God, all of a sudden things were really falling into

404
00:30:28.680 --> 00:30:34.080
place because I was on the path that he wanted me to be on.

405
00:30:34.800 --> 00:30:38.920
So as we're navigating that now, I feel like that's been the one consistent

406
00:30:38.920 --> 00:30:44.120
whenever there is conflict or whenever there is difficulty in kind of charting a

407
00:30:44.120 --> 00:30:49.640
new course and a new marriage and that sort of a thing, being able to come back

408
00:30:49.640 --> 00:30:51.360
to our foundation as God.

409
00:30:51.960 --> 00:30:57.080
And that's what dictates what the boundaries of our relationship are and how we

410
00:30:57.080 --> 00:30:58.120
support one another.

411
00:30:58.160 --> 00:31:01.720
Whenever things are tough, it comes from a place of trying to keep each other

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00:31:01.720 --> 00:31:03.800
spiritually whole before anything else.

413
00:31:03.840 --> 00:31:06.240
And so that's a big part for me.

414
00:31:06.240 --> 00:31:07.600
I do want to share one thing.

415
00:31:07.600 --> 00:31:09.160
So I did date some.

416
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And one of the things I entered into dating with was this requirement of God.

417
00:31:16.240 --> 00:31:20.400
It was, if I'm going to do this, you have to do this.

418
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:28.000
So I, um, I, I found myself in a relationship with someone like six years

419
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into being single post-divorce and he ended up needing a kidney transplant and

420
00:31:35.240 --> 00:31:36.720
I was a match for him.

421
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And what I said was, God, do not leave me brokenhearted with scars on my body.

422
00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:50.000
Like I just said that, um, and that relationship ended and I had my

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scars on my body.

424
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And so I think one of the things I learned, obviously that's a very

425
00:31:56.320 --> 00:32:03.040
exaggerated dating experience that most people won't, you know, replicate.

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00:32:03.640 --> 00:32:09.760
But one of the things I learned was putting disclaimers as you

427
00:32:09.760 --> 00:32:11.720
enter into this process.

428
00:32:12.400 --> 00:32:13.480
Don't do this.

429
00:32:13.520 --> 00:32:16.320
If you do this, I will or won't do this.

430
00:32:17.320 --> 00:32:20.280
Putting God in a position, like we're playing poker where it's like this

431
00:32:20.280 --> 00:32:23.880
ace in the hole situation where like, if you do this, I'll do this.

432
00:32:24.560 --> 00:32:27.520
That that's not life in general with God.

433
00:32:28.040 --> 00:32:30.760
There is always something he's something beautiful.

434
00:32:30.760 --> 00:32:31.880
He's going to bring out of it.

435
00:32:31.880 --> 00:32:35.960
And in that situation, he was looking to save someone's life and to teach him

436
00:32:35.960 --> 00:32:37.760
the value of God's love for him.

437
00:32:38.080 --> 00:32:41.560
But it wasn't marriage for me, but that's what I said up front.

438
00:32:42.160 --> 00:32:47.400
So again, it was kind of going back to this church mentality where like every

439
00:32:47.400 --> 00:32:49.080
relationship is going to end up in marriage.

440
00:32:49.080 --> 00:32:50.560
And if it doesn't, it's sin.

441
00:32:50.920 --> 00:32:53.120
No, that that's not biblical.

442
00:32:53.160 --> 00:32:57.520
And there are so many things we learn through relationship in general, dating

443
00:32:57.520 --> 00:33:01.480
or otherwise, that teaches us about the love of Christ, that teaches about

444
00:33:01.480 --> 00:33:04.760
ourself, teaches us about other people.

445
00:33:05.120 --> 00:33:13.560
And so in between like the huge loss of divorce and meeting, um, Joss, there

446
00:33:13.560 --> 00:33:19.080
was this gap where I was like traumatized again in a very different way, but there

447
00:33:19.080 --> 00:33:24.000
was beautiful, there was so much beauty in it that I wanted to discard because

448
00:33:24.000 --> 00:33:26.200
it wasn't what I said it should be.

449
00:33:26.360 --> 00:33:29.400
So that was a huge lesson I learned in dating.

450
00:33:30.600 --> 00:33:34.640
These are so there's so much in what y'all are saying tonight, both

451
00:33:34.640 --> 00:33:37.760
couples, there's so much richness and we're going to try to pull out as

452
00:33:37.760 --> 00:33:39.480
much as we can from what you're saying.

453
00:33:39.960 --> 00:33:42.680
Um, there's a couple of things here and then I'm going to come over to

454
00:33:42.680 --> 00:33:47.520
AJ and Brittany and let you all tell your story, um, with everyone.

455
00:33:47.520 --> 00:33:51.680
But man, Carrie, um, when you were talking about how God showed you that

456
00:33:51.680 --> 00:33:58.120
marriage is not a standard to achieve, but a blessing that he wanted, God wanted

457
00:33:58.120 --> 00:34:02.640
to give you, I just want to make sure everybody here tonight hears that.

458
00:34:02.920 --> 00:34:04.960
That was like a nugget from heaven.

459
00:34:06.000 --> 00:34:09.719
And I just want to make sure that we don't rush past that too quickly.

460
00:34:10.280 --> 00:34:14.600
Um, there are some of you that there there's that kind of stipulation within

461
00:34:14.600 --> 00:34:15.159
yourself.

462
00:34:15.159 --> 00:34:19.639
I was just watching a show before we came on here and these people that were so

463
00:34:19.639 --> 00:34:25.520
qualified in their jobs were constantly like never feeling adequate, never feeling

464
00:34:25.520 --> 00:34:26.560
like they were enough.

465
00:34:26.560 --> 00:34:29.400
And for whatever reason, that kind of comes to mind, even as we're talking

466
00:34:29.400 --> 00:34:35.239
about this, that sometimes there's this unrealistic standard in our minds

467
00:34:35.239 --> 00:34:39.320
because of what we've been taught because of our own perspectives and really

468
00:34:39.320 --> 00:34:43.000
supernatural surrender is also about us coming out of those things.

469
00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:44.800
It is getting rid of the list.

470
00:34:44.800 --> 00:34:48.000
And I, I saw someone in the chat, you know, I'm not comfortable with that many

471
00:34:48.000 --> 00:34:50.199
years and Hey, you all, here's the thing.

472
00:34:50.239 --> 00:34:52.280
We're just planting seeds tonight.

473
00:34:52.320 --> 00:34:52.679
Okay.

474
00:34:52.679 --> 00:34:54.800
Now you need to go and pray about that.

475
00:34:55.360 --> 00:34:58.800
Uh, for yourself and what is the Lord asking you to surrender?

476
00:34:58.800 --> 00:35:00.120
And this situation.

477
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.200
in Belinda, God was nudging her to surrender the age thing, not

478
00:35:04.200 --> 00:35:07.400
only because so she can meet Eric, but also so she could heal

479
00:35:07.400 --> 00:35:11.000
from the past. There were lies all wrapped around that. And

480
00:35:11.000 --> 00:35:15.540
that's key. You all these things that we need to surrender so

481
00:35:15.540 --> 00:35:19.360
that we can step into God's fullness and his blessing. Like

482
00:35:19.360 --> 00:35:22.860
what lies are connected to those things that we are not willing

483
00:35:22.860 --> 00:35:28.620
to lay down? You know, and so man, so good. This has been so

484
00:35:28.620 --> 00:35:31.180
good. I'm excited to see where the rest of tonight is going to

485
00:35:31.180 --> 00:35:35.500
go. AJ and Brittany. Oh, I want to say one thing. Joss is eight

486
00:35:35.500 --> 00:35:41.020
years younger than me. Okay. And that was a big shift, I think

487
00:35:41.020 --> 00:35:44.140
for both of us. And then tell us about even though you guys kind

488
00:35:44.140 --> 00:35:47.260
of live in the same area. Explain to them how like with

489
00:35:47.260 --> 00:35:50.460
the metro, what that looks like long distance or local for you

490
00:35:50.460 --> 00:35:56.220
all. So Dallas, Fort Worth is very spread out and horrible

491
00:35:56.220 --> 00:36:01.500
traffic. So while we live, we lived maybe 20 miles per I

492
00:36:01.500 --> 00:36:05.460
don't even know. Yeah, it was an hour, hour and a half. As far as

493
00:36:05.460 --> 00:36:08.500
commute time. So we saw each other maybe once a week.

494
00:36:09.860 --> 00:36:15.380
Sometimes every two weeks. Yeah. And it was tough. Yeah, it was

495
00:36:15.380 --> 00:36:19.180
very tough. Yeah. All right. So good. All right. We're gonna

496
00:36:19.180 --> 00:36:24.580
keep unpacking this y'all. All right, AJ and Brittany. Hi. Hi.

497
00:36:24.580 --> 00:36:28.900
I'm so excited to meet you, by the way. She's been here in our

498
00:36:28.900 --> 00:36:31.500
community. But tonight is the first night I'm meeting you. I

499
00:36:31.500 --> 00:36:34.180
don't know about all the others. But we're so glad to have you

500
00:36:34.180 --> 00:36:36.620
here with us. Oh, thanks, Bethany. Yeah, nice to meet you

501
00:36:36.620 --> 00:36:43.300
too. I'm so glad he can join me everyone. But I joined this

502
00:36:43.300 --> 00:36:49.540
community in 2023. I've never been married and never actually

503
00:36:49.540 --> 00:36:53.780
well right before joining the community. I was in my first

504
00:36:53.980 --> 00:36:57.380
relationship with someone we were dating for about six

505
00:36:57.380 --> 00:37:01.660
months, I moved out to where he was, which was in California.

506
00:37:01.660 --> 00:37:07.220
And a couple months after I moved there, he broke up with

507
00:37:07.220 --> 00:37:11.260
me. And I was definitely devastated in so many ways after

508
00:37:11.540 --> 00:37:15.900
you know, moving out there, uprooting myself new job and

509
00:37:17.180 --> 00:37:21.460
definitely left really broken. But I remember even a pastor

510
00:37:21.500 --> 00:37:26.020
during that time, he asked me, what's the one thing that you

511
00:37:26.020 --> 00:37:29.460
want from this. And I said that, you know, I would receive

512
00:37:29.460 --> 00:37:32.700
healing, and that the other person will receive healing as

513
00:37:32.700 --> 00:37:38.220
well. And a couple months later, I was on YouTube, and I saw

514
00:37:38.220 --> 00:37:41.780
Chris Valentin interviewing Jackie Dorman. And I've always

515
00:37:41.780 --> 00:37:45.940
had a belief in marriage and family. And I've longed for it

516
00:37:45.940 --> 00:37:50.380
for so many years. I'm 33. And you know, I felt like ever since

517
00:37:50.380 --> 00:37:53.180
I was like, young, I was raised Christian, I was like, it was

518
00:37:53.180 --> 00:37:56.660
always a desire of my heart, but always felt like, when will it,

519
00:37:56.740 --> 00:38:02.380
you know, happen for me. And so, yeah, just Jackie's heart. And I

520
00:38:02.380 --> 00:38:05.540
think, you know, growing up in a Christian community, I think

521
00:38:05.940 --> 00:38:09.060
similar to what Carrie was saying, it's a little bit I was

522
00:38:09.060 --> 00:38:14.300
from the purity culture. And so yeah, I think it's maybe a

523
00:38:14.300 --> 00:38:19.740
little bit of a fear of dating a fear of relationship, a fear of

524
00:38:19.740 --> 00:38:24.580
messing up and not obeying, you know, and following God exactly,

525
00:38:24.620 --> 00:38:27.900
you know, and then you're gonna ruin your life and your future

526
00:38:27.900 --> 00:38:31.340
marriage. So I think that definitely, you know, look,

527
00:38:31.380 --> 00:38:34.700
looking back now, I realized how much that was an undertone of

528
00:38:34.700 --> 00:38:40.100
how I viewed dating, and actually had a fear. And I would

529
00:38:40.100 --> 00:38:42.780
say I was open to people, but really, I think I was pretty

530
00:38:42.780 --> 00:38:49.180
guarded. And through Jackie's program, I think I was able, you

531
00:38:49.180 --> 00:38:53.980
know, to recognize to trust the Lord in the process, and that,

532
00:38:53.980 --> 00:38:56.980
you know, he gives us the ability to choose and have

533
00:38:57.260 --> 00:39:00.420
freedom in it, you know, and and he's going to be with you along

534
00:39:00.420 --> 00:39:03.980
the way. And I think, you know, one thing I remember, her saying

535
00:39:03.980 --> 00:39:07.340
is, or what she talks about is the spirit mate. And I think

536
00:39:07.340 --> 00:39:10.540
that when I would go on dates, and even when I started dating

537
00:39:10.580 --> 00:39:13.380
AJ, I was like, Lord reveal his spirit, you know, like, the

538
00:39:13.380 --> 00:39:17.500
Lord's not going to steer you wrong in a relationship. And so,

539
00:39:18.380 --> 00:39:21.900
yeah, and so I think, yeah, and one another thing I think I took

540
00:39:21.900 --> 00:39:25.500
from the program, I think it's so important to be in community,

541
00:39:25.820 --> 00:39:30.380
and dating in today's culture, it's so difficult, I think even

542
00:39:30.460 --> 00:39:34.540
to in churches, it's hard to find. Maybe if you're older,

543
00:39:34.540 --> 00:39:37.500
single, like other people who are in the same demographic,

544
00:39:37.500 --> 00:39:43.060
you're maybe not focused on or encouraged. And so Jackie gives

545
00:39:43.220 --> 00:39:46.820
so much hope, and you, Bethany, always give so much encouraging

546
00:39:46.820 --> 00:39:52.180
words to all of us. And I think that it's such a mind game that

547
00:39:52.180 --> 00:39:57.620
the enemy wants to play that it won't happen for you, you know,

548
00:39:57.620 --> 00:40:00.020
so I think it really is important to be

549
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.720
in community and to stay in community in the process, um, just because of that mental battle

550
00:40:06.720 --> 00:40:12.080
that you're fighting against and because it is a spiritual thing as well. Um, and then,

551
00:40:12.080 --> 00:40:17.440
yeah, practically, um, I think, you know, in my mind, my non-negotiable was like one of them,

552
00:40:18.080 --> 00:40:23.840
I can remember writing was, I didn't want to marry someone in ministry. Uh, and that's because,

553
00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:28.560
you know, I, I was part of many different ministries and, uh, you know, you see just

554
00:40:29.280 --> 00:40:34.880
in here a lot of negative stories. Right. And so I was like, but is this really God's,

555
00:40:34.880 --> 00:40:43.920
you know, non-negotiable. And I realized this wasn't and AJ, AJ is a youth pastor. So, um,

556
00:40:43.920 --> 00:40:48.400
so yeah, I mean, I think it's that hurt, you know, you're hurt and then you're healed and

557
00:40:48.400 --> 00:40:52.560
relationships. And I think that's, you know, what it is well, and we're still walking out that

558
00:40:52.560 --> 00:40:58.320
dynamic and what it looks like, but yeah, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. I think for me,

559
00:40:58.320 --> 00:41:03.520
it's like a little different because, so I wasn't a Christian until much later in life. So I became

560
00:41:03.520 --> 00:41:09.360
a Christian 20 when I was 25 and, um, you know, I dated people over, I was in relationships and

561
00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:14.320
stuff, but then, uh, for whatever reason, like when I became a Christian, I had these

562
00:41:14.320 --> 00:41:19.760
crazy high expectations, not only of like what that other person is going to be or what they're

563
00:41:19.760 --> 00:41:23.520
going to be like, but I also had these crazy high expectations of how we were going to meet.

564
00:41:24.080 --> 00:41:31.280
And I thought that like, if, if it wasn't this crazy God ordained moment where we're in a

565
00:41:31.280 --> 00:41:36.240
Christian coffee shop and we're both wearing the same, you know, cheesy Christian shirt that like,

566
00:41:36.800 --> 00:41:40.320
you know, and that would be an easy sign. You know, that's how I thought that I would meet

567
00:41:40.320 --> 00:41:46.080
somebody. And so, um, I was kind of doing like online dating on the side as a hobby.

568
00:41:46.800 --> 00:41:53.280
And I was just for sure, not open to anything. Um, you know, people would come in my life and

569
00:41:53.280 --> 00:41:58.240
be interested in things like that. And then I would find like one thing that would give me the

570
00:41:58.240 --> 00:42:04.560
ick and then I would just be out. And, um, so I would, it's almost like I was looking for something

571
00:42:05.280 --> 00:42:12.080
that, uh, that, you know, I, I could check myself out of, and, you know, I kind of later had to

572
00:42:12.080 --> 00:42:16.560
realize that that was a lot more of like my own inner healing stuff that I needed.

573
00:42:16.560 --> 00:42:22.480
Uh, so it's not them. It was like, you know, me that I needed to be healed from, but, um, so I,

574
00:42:22.480 --> 00:42:28.000
that pattern continued for, I mean, years and years and years. And then I think at the beginning

575
00:42:28.000 --> 00:42:33.360
of last year, I just made a new year's resolution that I was going to go on a certain number of

576
00:42:33.360 --> 00:42:38.960
dates every quarter. And, um, and I thought that was like a big step for me because you know,

577
00:42:38.960 --> 00:42:42.880
my mind, I was like, I don't want to go on a first date with somebody unless I think that

578
00:42:42.880 --> 00:42:46.880
I'm going to marry them. And, and to me in my mind, I thought that was like the godly thing to

579
00:42:46.880 --> 00:42:51.520
do, like, right. You don't lead somebody on, you know, unless they're just, uh, you, you can see

580
00:42:51.520 --> 00:42:56.640
it going towards marriage. Why would you even go on a first date? And so, but you know, it started

581
00:42:56.640 --> 00:43:02.240
to shift that mentality. So I was going on a certain number of dates every quarter. And even

582
00:43:02.240 --> 00:43:08.160
before I met Brittany, like I was seeing this one girl and, uh, you know, pretty like after a few

583
00:43:08.160 --> 00:43:14.080
dates, I just wasn't feeling it. But then I like came back into prayer and was like, Laura, I don't

584
00:43:14.080 --> 00:43:19.600
want to miss something like amazing that you have for me. So I'm going to like, I'm going to keep

585
00:43:19.600 --> 00:43:23.840
this thing going until you really show me like, this is just not for you. Cause I just wanted to

586
00:43:23.840 --> 00:43:28.240
stay open and not, and not get in my own way and get out of my head and things like that. And I

587
00:43:28.240 --> 00:43:36.720
mean, obviously it didn't work out, but then, um, uh, Can I just share? I'm just going to say it.

588
00:43:36.720 --> 00:43:44.560
So I actually messaged Brittany on hinge. I think it was a February and like totally forgot about it

589
00:43:44.560 --> 00:43:51.760
cause it didn't hear anything back. And it wasn't until August, six months later, when she finally

590
00:43:51.760 --> 00:43:58.480
like reached back out and, um, and, and like, I wasn't, you know, that's already kind of rejection

591
00:43:58.480 --> 00:44:03.440
to me, right. To wait six months. So, so my mind, I was like, well, I need, I need one more date to

592
00:44:03.440 --> 00:44:08.320
hit my quota for this quarter. So I'm just going to, um, I'm just going to try to set up a date

593
00:44:08.320 --> 00:44:14.080
and go out with her. And I even like pushed it off a little bit and try to play pool. It's like,

594
00:44:14.080 --> 00:44:18.880
yeah, I'll just talk to you when I get back from vacation. Um, but, uh, yeah, so we were, we were

595
00:44:18.880 --> 00:44:24.480
going on our first date and I think, I mean, it was, it was like, to me, like just so much instant

596
00:44:24.480 --> 00:44:29.440
connection. And I know I kept saying like, I wanted all these things to be in that person,

597
00:44:29.440 --> 00:44:34.160
but it's the last thing I'll share, but I had journaled one time. Like I think it was the end

598
00:44:34.160 --> 00:44:39.760
of, I don't know, 2018, 2019, something like that. Um, I felt like the Lord was leading me to write

599
00:44:39.760 --> 00:44:45.520
down the things that I really want in a person. And, um, so much more than just like physical

600
00:44:45.520 --> 00:44:51.200
stuff like that's there too, obviously. But so I wrote down 15 things and like, after our first

601
00:44:51.200 --> 00:44:53.920
date, I was like, and I didn't even think about it after our first day, I went back home. I was

602
00:44:53.920 --> 00:44:59.360
like, wait a minute. And so I pulled that journal back out and Brittany had like every single thing

603
00:44:59.360 --> 00:44:59.840
of that.

604
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.760
list was checked off. So I thought that was pretty cool.

605
00:45:03.920 --> 00:45:06.680
Even though I know I know we you want to get away from list and

606
00:45:06.680 --> 00:45:10.000
things like that. But but I was definitely open.

607
00:45:11.480 --> 00:45:14.400
Oh my gosh, this is great. Yes, we want to get rid of the list.

608
00:45:14.400 --> 00:45:17.000
But that's okay. Because that was your process. You know, I

609
00:45:17.000 --> 00:45:19.440
think it's important for everyone to understand. And I

610
00:45:19.440 --> 00:45:22.280
wanted to kind of pull this out earlier a little bit too, is

611
00:45:22.280 --> 00:45:26.160
just that everyone would keep an open mind about people's

612
00:45:26.160 --> 00:45:30.000
healing processes, too. Because remember, everyone that is has

613
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:32.280
been a part of last year, single, like you're here, and

614
00:45:32.280 --> 00:45:35.720
you're getting coaching. Not everybody is getting that, but

615
00:45:35.720 --> 00:45:38.880
they might be getting healing another way. So like Eric was

616
00:45:38.880 --> 00:45:43.120
going on these walks and really spending really special time

617
00:45:43.120 --> 00:45:46.880
with the Lord and the Lord was cleansing his soul. Someone else

618
00:45:46.880 --> 00:45:49.400
might not be able to get away like with that, because they

619
00:45:49.400 --> 00:45:53.320
might need more coaching. But God met Eric in those moments.

620
00:45:53.320 --> 00:45:55.640
And he went through the divorce care and other things, you know,

621
00:45:55.640 --> 00:45:59.080
he's reading the books. And I know, just from Brian's

622
00:45:59.080 --> 00:46:02.040
perspective, do you want to tell them a little bit like kind of

623
00:46:02.040 --> 00:46:04.880
how your journey was real quick, just to add to another layer of

624
00:46:04.880 --> 00:46:07.120
that? Yeah, but I have a really important question. Oh, my gosh.

625
00:46:07.120 --> 00:46:11.600
Okay. Brittany, six months, like, I need to hear that. Like

626
00:46:11.640 --> 00:46:15.080
what happened? Did you just not log in? Yes. Like,

627
00:46:15.480 --> 00:46:19.480
you know, it was, I mean, it was, you know, you had to pay

628
00:46:19.480 --> 00:46:23.800
for the hinge. Okay, I would elect all the legs when I would

629
00:46:23.800 --> 00:46:29.880
pay monthly hundreds. And I was going by. AJ lives like an hour

630
00:46:29.880 --> 00:46:33.880
and 20 minutes when there's no traffic on a good day. So I was

631
00:46:34.680 --> 00:46:39.000
going by distance. That's my balance. There you go. Very

632
00:46:39.000 --> 00:46:43.880
economical. Yes. And we will circle back to the quota too,

633
00:46:43.880 --> 00:46:46.680
because I love that. And I think it's great. And it, it really

634
00:46:46.680 --> 00:46:49.000
connects with our seven day challenge. And so I want to

635
00:46:49.000 --> 00:46:51.880
circle back to that for a little bit. Yeah, but divorce care,

636
00:46:52.440 --> 00:46:54.600
I just want you to share like, because your journey was

637
00:46:54.600 --> 00:46:57.240
different than mine to regarding healing. You don't have to go

638
00:46:57.240 --> 00:47:00.440
all the way into it. But just, I think it's important for people

639
00:47:00.440 --> 00:47:04.120
because some of our lovely, amazing people in this

640
00:47:04.120 --> 00:47:07.880
community, I love all you so much. But you have this like

641
00:47:07.880 --> 00:47:12.680
checklist of what the man needs to do in order to be healed or

642
00:47:12.680 --> 00:47:16.280
how he needs to spend time with Jesus. And if he doesn't do it

643
00:47:16.280 --> 00:47:21.240
exactly like you, then he's not spiritual enough or those kinds

644
00:47:21.240 --> 00:47:24.200
of things. And so this is my invitation from the Lord. I

645
00:47:24.200 --> 00:47:26.920
believe it's from the Lord to all of you that might be in that

646
00:47:26.920 --> 00:47:32.440
category to surrender the pen in those areas too. So what did

647
00:47:32.440 --> 00:47:35.320
your healing journey look like? So my healing journey, I was out

648
00:47:35.320 --> 00:47:41.960
in California also. And during that process, I realized that

649
00:47:41.960 --> 00:47:46.200
the church didn't have much for men in the way of healing. They

650
00:47:46.200 --> 00:47:49.640
didn't really know what to do with us. And I always feel

651
00:47:49.720 --> 00:47:52.840
awkward, like, you know, almost like I need to walk through the

652
00:47:52.840 --> 00:47:56.760
hall, say, you know, unclean, like a leper, like, you know,

653
00:47:56.760 --> 00:48:00.520
kind of a thing. So really, one of the things that I found that

654
00:48:00.520 --> 00:48:03.480
was helpful was divorce care. And even going there, I think I

655
00:48:03.480 --> 00:48:07.320
was like the only guy because that part of the problem is,

656
00:48:07.960 --> 00:48:11.000
it's kind of supply and demand. Men usually don't go to seek

657
00:48:11.000 --> 00:48:13.960
help. So there's not usually not a lot of ministries for them,

658
00:48:13.960 --> 00:48:16.200
because if they did, they probably just wouldn't be much

659
00:48:16.200 --> 00:48:19.960
attendance. That's something that I really went to. And I

660
00:48:19.960 --> 00:48:23.800
went through it twice. And they did recommend that and it was

661
00:48:23.800 --> 00:48:26.840
actually really good for me. Because the first time I went

662
00:48:26.840 --> 00:48:30.120
through you kind of broken and you're kind of healing kind of

663
00:48:30.120 --> 00:48:33.160
numb. So you only you can only take in so much. I'm sure all

664
00:48:33.160 --> 00:48:37.400
of you that have been through divorce, there's just you have

665
00:48:37.400 --> 00:48:41.640
a capacity limit that you can only take in so much. And the

666
00:48:41.640 --> 00:48:43.960
second time I went through that, for me, that was really where a

667
00:48:43.960 --> 00:48:47.000
lot of the growth and the healing, like things started to

668
00:48:47.000 --> 00:48:50.520
click a little bit more. So I went through those things. And

669
00:48:50.520 --> 00:48:53.400
you know, through that experience, you know, Beth and I

670
00:48:53.400 --> 00:48:58.440
both have a passion to have a ministry where we help people

671
00:48:58.440 --> 00:49:02.840
heal where the church is a safe place for people doing that

672
00:49:02.840 --> 00:49:05.320
people don't feel like they have to yell unclean because you're

673
00:49:05.320 --> 00:49:07.800
going through a divorce or they're single. Yeah, whatever

674
00:49:07.800 --> 00:49:11.800
the relationship status is. So for me, divorce care was a

675
00:49:11.800 --> 00:49:14.200
really big thing. And I went through that a couple times.

676
00:49:14.200 --> 00:49:16.600
And for those of you that don't know, obviously, I coach with

677
00:49:16.600 --> 00:49:20.360
the community. But Brian is a lead pastor at a church. So we

678
00:49:20.360 --> 00:49:24.280
also pastor that together on AJ, I'm about to circle back to you

679
00:49:24.280 --> 00:49:27.560
on the quota thing. But on what he just said there, literally

680
00:49:27.560 --> 00:49:30.200
right before Brian said the word capacity, I wrote it down on my

681
00:49:30.200 --> 00:49:33.480
paper and circled it because some of you all tonight I think

682
00:49:33.480 --> 00:49:36.280
you do you're feeling so frustrated because you're just

683
00:49:36.280 --> 00:49:39.640
like, why isn't happening? Why isn't it happening? And what he

684
00:49:39.720 --> 00:49:45.160
just said was so vital, y'all, we can only retain a certain

685
00:49:45.160 --> 00:49:48.680
amount of information in a given season. And when we come

686
00:49:48.680 --> 00:49:52.680
in, sometimes we're just in such a broken state that we might

687
00:49:52.680 --> 00:49:56.600
need to do hard work more than once. And so for whoever that's

688
00:49:56.600 --> 00:49:59.320
for tonight, I just felt led to draw that out. So

689
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.480
We wanna kind of just in a fun way,

690
00:50:01.480 --> 00:50:02.960
let's talk about this,

691
00:50:04.240 --> 00:50:07.400
the dating kind of challenge that you gave yourself

692
00:50:07.400 --> 00:50:09.680
to kind of go out there

693
00:50:09.680 --> 00:50:12.000
because you were doing that ultimately

694
00:50:12.000 --> 00:50:15.780
to break the mindsets off that weren't helping you.

695
00:50:15.780 --> 00:50:18.280
And so we have people in our community that really,

696
00:50:18.280 --> 00:50:21.000
when that seven day challenge, Jackie gives that to them,

697
00:50:21.000 --> 00:50:23.240
some people are just like, yeah, no, I'm not doing that.

698
00:50:23.240 --> 00:50:25.000
And we never pushed anyone,

699
00:50:25.000 --> 00:50:27.200
but can you like share with everyone,

700
00:50:27.200 --> 00:50:29.160
like, I know you kind of touched on it a little bit,

701
00:50:29.200 --> 00:50:31.760
but like, what all did that do in you

702
00:50:31.760 --> 00:50:35.240
as you were kind of practicing and growing and learning,

703
00:50:35.240 --> 00:50:37.320
I'm assuming, but from your perspective,

704
00:50:37.320 --> 00:50:40.960
how did that help you come out of that mindset?

705
00:50:42.120 --> 00:50:44.000
Yeah, no, I think it was really good for me

706
00:50:44.000 --> 00:50:48.720
because it made me say yes to going on a date with people

707
00:50:48.720 --> 00:50:50.920
who I just ordinarily wouldn't say yes to.

708
00:50:50.920 --> 00:50:53.880
And that's because of like my own hangups,

709
00:50:53.880 --> 00:50:56.460
like, you know, certain attributes

710
00:50:56.460 --> 00:50:59.140
or, you know, maybe they're not funny enough

711
00:50:59.140 --> 00:51:00.860
or their personality isn't enough.

712
00:51:00.860 --> 00:51:02.540
And it's like, wait, you know,

713
00:51:02.540 --> 00:51:05.180
cause so to me that was the most important thing

714
00:51:05.180 --> 00:51:08.080
is like, I wanna be able to have fun with somebody, right.

715
00:51:08.080 --> 00:51:10.740
And then I would just discount them

716
00:51:10.740 --> 00:51:12.980
after a first date or whatever.

717
00:51:12.980 --> 00:51:15.760
And then I think it just helped me to see like,

718
00:51:15.760 --> 00:51:17.860
you're not gonna get someone's full personality

719
00:51:17.860 --> 00:51:19.420
the first time you go on a date with them.

720
00:51:19.420 --> 00:51:21.580
And, you know, there's just, there's nerves

721
00:51:21.580 --> 00:51:22.740
and there's other things involved.

722
00:51:22.740 --> 00:51:24.840
So that was a big deal.

723
00:51:24.840 --> 00:51:26.720
And then, you know, to say yes to people

724
00:51:26.720 --> 00:51:29.760
who I wouldn't initially be attracted to.

725
00:51:29.760 --> 00:51:31.700
And I think that was huge for me as well,

726
00:51:31.700 --> 00:51:35.320
because from what everyone says, like the, you know,

727
00:51:35.320 --> 00:51:37.520
attraction grows like over time, right?

728
00:51:37.520 --> 00:51:41.480
Like you're just gonna love the whole person over time.

729
00:51:41.480 --> 00:51:45.080
And I think I was watching this Netflix special.

730
00:51:45.080 --> 00:51:46.840
It was, oh my gosh, what is the name of it?

731
00:51:46.840 --> 00:51:49.580
It's some, the Indian, oh, Indian matchmaker.

732
00:51:50.440 --> 00:51:52.760
And like, yeah, you've never seen.

733
00:51:53.600 --> 00:51:56.600
Oh, and one of the things that the matchmaker

734
00:51:56.600 --> 00:51:58.840
was telling the girl who had like all these things

735
00:51:58.840 --> 00:52:00.720
on her list, like they wanted to be,

736
00:52:00.720 --> 00:52:02.760
she wanted them to be six foot, you know,

737
00:52:02.760 --> 00:52:04.640
making a hundred K and all this kind of stuff.

738
00:52:04.640 --> 00:52:06.360
And she, and the matchmaker kept saying,

739
00:52:06.360 --> 00:52:09.080
well, you're not marrying his height, so let's move on.

740
00:52:09.080 --> 00:52:10.520
And then she would say something else and be like,

741
00:52:10.520 --> 00:52:12.600
well, you're not marrying his money, so let's move on.

742
00:52:12.600 --> 00:52:15.880
And just helps you to like be open.

743
00:52:15.880 --> 00:52:18.200
And I think that was, yeah,

744
00:52:18.200 --> 00:52:20.960
that was just huge to be able to do that.

745
00:52:20.960 --> 00:52:23.280
And then I kind of like,

746
00:52:23.280 --> 00:52:25.460
which it didn't become my motto or anything,

747
00:52:25.460 --> 00:52:28.120
but just something that like I would kind of think about

748
00:52:28.120 --> 00:52:30.160
is you're really not looking for,

749
00:52:30.160 --> 00:52:31.240
which I told someone this recently,

750
00:52:31.240 --> 00:52:34.400
but you're not looking for marriage material

751
00:52:34.400 --> 00:52:35.360
on your first date.

752
00:52:35.360 --> 00:52:37.840
You're looking for second date material.

753
00:52:37.840 --> 00:52:41.080
And so you're just trying to see if you can go on one date

754
00:52:41.080 --> 00:52:43.240
and if it's a decent date, you go on a second one.

755
00:52:43.240 --> 00:52:45.640
And then that's all I'm trying to do.

756
00:52:45.640 --> 00:52:47.920
And it took the pressure off of the dates.

757
00:52:47.920 --> 00:52:50.120
So I think that was the biggest thing I learned.

758
00:52:50.120 --> 00:52:53.120
And Jackie says that all y'all in the community,

759
00:52:53.120 --> 00:52:55.000
all you're doing is going on a first date

760
00:52:55.000 --> 00:52:56.300
and seeing how it goes.

761
00:52:56.300 --> 00:52:57.280
Are you having fun?

762
00:52:57.280 --> 00:52:59.760
Are you getting to know the person in community

763
00:52:59.760 --> 00:53:03.480
and being open to a second date if it gets to that place.

764
00:53:03.480 --> 00:53:04.840
Thank you so much for sharing

765
00:53:04.840 --> 00:53:07.240
that additional stuff there, AJ on that.

766
00:53:07.240 --> 00:53:10.040
So Eric and Belinda, I want to circle back to you all.

767
00:53:10.040 --> 00:53:13.320
I forget exactly how I stated the question to you.

768
00:53:13.320 --> 00:53:16.000
So I'm hoping that you all remember

769
00:53:16.000 --> 00:53:18.200
and then you can just start to share on that.

770
00:53:18.200 --> 00:53:19.720
And then maybe it'll all come back to me,

771
00:53:20.720 --> 00:53:22.640
How I remember it is you were asking

772
00:53:22.640 --> 00:53:24.480
because we do live in close proximity,

773
00:53:24.480 --> 00:53:27.640
how we do in our health, our boundaries and so forth.

774
00:53:27.640 --> 00:53:32.640
So I will say the first month that we were dating,

775
00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:34.800
Eric didn't try to hold my hand.

776
00:53:34.800 --> 00:53:39.040
He never gave me a kiss and it kind of just threw me

777
00:53:39.040 --> 00:53:42.120
because I was just so used to men wanting right away

778
00:53:42.120 --> 00:53:44.680
to get into my pants.

779
00:53:44.680 --> 00:53:47.360
And so I wasn't even sure the first month

780
00:53:47.360 --> 00:53:48.800
that we were dating that he even liked me

781
00:53:48.800 --> 00:53:50.480
beyond friendship.

782
00:53:50.480 --> 00:53:55.480
That's how a reversal of this relationship was.

783
00:53:55.480 --> 00:53:59.160
And so I remember later you telling me the reason

784
00:53:59.160 --> 00:54:02.960
was because once you start that process,

785
00:54:02.960 --> 00:54:04.800
you can't undo it.

786
00:54:04.800 --> 00:54:08.320
And so I think he was just very intentional to hold it off.

787
00:54:08.320 --> 00:54:13.320
But he finally kissed me after one date, after four weeks.

788
00:54:13.560 --> 00:54:15.760
And then the next time we saw each other,

789
00:54:15.760 --> 00:54:16.880
I don't know if you remember what you said,

790
00:54:17.560 --> 00:54:22.040
but you said, it's obvious that we like each other.

791
00:54:22.040 --> 00:54:24.560
And so I think we need to talk about guardrails.

792
00:54:24.560 --> 00:54:27.320
And I was like, guardrails, do you mean boundaries?

793
00:54:27.320 --> 00:54:29.520
And he's like, yeah, boundaries.

794
00:54:29.520 --> 00:54:31.640
Do you remember that conversation?

795
00:54:31.640 --> 00:54:34.840
And so he was really good about right away

796
00:54:34.840 --> 00:54:38.320
having that conversation and he really led in that area.

797
00:54:38.320 --> 00:54:42.840
And so we talked about boundaries

798
00:54:42.840 --> 00:54:45.560
and I don't know like how, I don't wanna be graphic,

799
00:54:45.560 --> 00:54:48.120
but you know, we were just like, you know,

800
00:54:48.120 --> 00:54:53.120
obviously no sleepovers, no touching,

801
00:54:54.240 --> 00:54:55.160
no things like that.

802
00:54:55.160 --> 00:55:00.160
We just were very like, where would we would have?

803
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.160
We were pretty strict in the beginning, I would say, right?

804
00:55:03.160 --> 00:55:04.000
Yeah.

805
00:55:04.000 --> 00:55:08.680
Yeah, it was important for us, I'll be honest,

806
00:55:08.680 --> 00:55:13.680
as best we could to maintain purity until we were married

807
00:55:13.960 --> 00:55:18.440
because we want and believe God brought us together

808
00:55:20.360 --> 00:55:25.360
for us to honor him and for us to honor others.

809
00:55:25.440 --> 00:55:27.760
And he's not gonna bless it if we're not

810
00:55:31.000 --> 00:55:35.120
you know, being as godly and honoring as we can.

811
00:55:35.120 --> 00:55:37.840
You know, if we're just like jacking up,

812
00:55:37.840 --> 00:55:39.160
that's not gonna be a relationship

813
00:55:39.160 --> 00:55:42.360
God's gonna wanna bless and God's not gonna leave.

814
00:55:42.360 --> 00:55:45.480
So because it's important to us,

815
00:55:45.480 --> 00:55:48.300
both of us have a history of serving,

816
00:55:49.440 --> 00:55:51.680
I guess, outside of professional ministry.

817
00:55:52.920 --> 00:55:57.400
And we believe firmly that God brought us together

818
00:55:57.440 --> 00:56:00.520
to continue that now as a couple,

819
00:56:00.520 --> 00:56:02.200
we wanted to be sure that it was something

820
00:56:02.200 --> 00:56:04.880
that God would be able to use and to honor.

821
00:56:04.880 --> 00:56:09.880
And so that was sort of kind of foundational

822
00:56:09.880 --> 00:56:12.720
in our desire to maintain purity.

823
00:56:12.720 --> 00:56:15.080
And just try not to put ourselves in a situation

824
00:56:15.080 --> 00:56:16.960
where we were going to be tempting.

825
00:56:16.960 --> 00:56:18.660
And it got, I will, you know,

826
00:56:18.660 --> 00:56:21.000
we knew probably within six months

827
00:56:21.000 --> 00:56:23.920
that we wanted to get married at some point.

828
00:56:23.920 --> 00:56:27.280
And so started looking into,

829
00:56:27.280 --> 00:56:32.280
I think we did like a premarital through his church.

830
00:56:32.440 --> 00:56:34.360
And eventually we did through Symbus

831
00:56:34.360 --> 00:56:37.740
and we got married like I think within 13 months

832
00:56:37.740 --> 00:56:41.160
from dating and it gets harder the closer you get.

833
00:56:41.160 --> 00:56:43.680
I mean, I'll just be honest, it gets harder that,

834
00:56:43.680 --> 00:56:46.920
but I really appreciate that in the beginning,

835
00:56:46.920 --> 00:56:49.900
we had the conversation right after the first kiss

836
00:56:49.900 --> 00:56:53.160
and really set that stage where the ultimate was

837
00:56:53.160 --> 00:56:54.680
we just wanted to honor God.

838
00:56:54.680 --> 00:56:56.760
I think that was the forefront.

839
00:56:56.760 --> 00:56:58.840
And then that the rest was just like, okay,

840
00:56:58.840 --> 00:57:00.880
what do we need to kind of do that?

841
00:57:00.880 --> 00:57:03.880
And it, you know, and to talk about it.

842
00:57:03.880 --> 00:57:05.760
And when it got a little harder,

843
00:57:05.760 --> 00:57:08.040
because then we got engaged, I think at nine months

844
00:57:08.040 --> 00:57:10.160
and we knew we're heading to,

845
00:57:10.160 --> 00:57:12.600
we was just revisiting those conversations

846
00:57:12.600 --> 00:57:17.600
and just trying to do the best through prayer,

847
00:57:18.760 --> 00:57:22.440
praying about it and talking about it.

848
00:57:22.440 --> 00:57:24.320
And holding each other, taking turns,

849
00:57:24.320 --> 00:57:26.320
holding each other accountable.

850
00:57:26.320 --> 00:57:29.040
Yeah, usually one was a little stronger than the other.

851
00:57:29.040 --> 00:57:30.440
And so we would have to trade off

852
00:57:30.440 --> 00:57:33.980
on those accountability conversations.

853
00:57:34.920 --> 00:57:35.760
That's so good.

854
00:57:35.760 --> 00:57:37.640
We had to do very similar things for those of you

855
00:57:37.640 --> 00:57:39.480
that if you've never heard me tell this story,

856
00:57:39.480 --> 00:57:42.780
like we at one point just literally where I was like,

857
00:57:42.780 --> 00:57:45.480
I can't kiss you, I can't even cuddle by you.

858
00:57:45.480 --> 00:57:49.880
Cause like, it's making me feel things I can't be feeling.

859
00:57:49.880 --> 00:57:52.720
And 100%, it gets harder as you get closer

860
00:57:52.720 --> 00:57:54.360
to that wedding day, for sure.

861
00:57:54.360 --> 00:57:56.880
And so we had to put more guardrails in place

862
00:57:56.880 --> 00:57:59.520
the closer the wedding day came.

863
00:57:59.520 --> 00:58:02.240
So we even worked on like, you know,

864
00:58:02.240 --> 00:58:05.720
even kind of being careful to not stay past dark,

865
00:58:05.720 --> 00:58:08.480
you know, and those kinds of things.

866
00:58:08.480 --> 00:58:10.320
And so I love that y'all brought that out

867
00:58:10.320 --> 00:58:12.240
and what you shared, it's so good.

868
00:58:13.120 --> 00:58:15.340
Thank you for sharing that with us.

869
00:58:15.340 --> 00:58:17.960
For those of you that might struggle

870
00:58:17.960 --> 00:58:20.040
in areas regarding physical stuff,

871
00:58:20.040 --> 00:58:21.920
these are things you want to keep in mind,

872
00:58:21.920 --> 00:58:24.020
you know, really being open and being able to talk

873
00:58:24.020 --> 00:58:25.560
with the person that you're dating.

874
00:58:25.560 --> 00:58:27.680
Hope, you know, if you're getting engaged

875
00:58:27.680 --> 00:58:29.160
that those are open conversations.

876
00:58:29.160 --> 00:58:30.000
That's what you said.

877
00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:32.520
They kept revisiting it and so did we.

878
00:58:32.520 --> 00:58:35.520
And that was huge because in the past

879
00:58:35.520 --> 00:58:37.160
in relationships I had been in,

880
00:58:37.160 --> 00:58:39.640
those were not conversations I felt like I could even have

881
00:58:39.640 --> 00:58:40.680
with those individuals,

882
00:58:40.680 --> 00:58:43.280
which that should have been telling right back then.

883
00:58:43.280 --> 00:58:45.160
But I didn't know what I didn't know back then

884
00:58:45.160 --> 00:58:46.240
until I knew it.

885
00:58:46.240 --> 00:58:48.600
And so just keep that in mind.

886
00:58:48.600 --> 00:58:50.480
If you all struggle to talk about that stuff,

887
00:58:50.480 --> 00:58:53.040
you definitely want to get coaching around that

888
00:58:53.040 --> 00:58:54.040
and work through that

889
00:58:54.040 --> 00:58:56.480
so that you can have healthy conversations.

890
00:58:56.480 --> 00:58:57.680
CIMBAS will help that

891
00:58:57.680 --> 00:59:00.160
because that's one of the topics we talk about in there.

892
00:59:00.160 --> 00:59:01.960
And so actually, let's see,

893
00:59:01.960 --> 00:59:05.400
Eric and Belinda and Joss and Kerry both took CIMBAS.

894
00:59:05.400 --> 00:59:06.920
AJ and Brittany, I forget,

895
00:59:06.920 --> 00:59:08.960
are y'all taking it or have you taken it?

896
00:59:10.640 --> 00:59:11.480
CIMBAS.

897
00:59:11.480 --> 00:59:13.120
Well, we just got the CIMBAS.

898
00:59:13.120 --> 00:59:14.440
There's something somewhere.

899
00:59:14.440 --> 00:59:17.280
We're going to take CIMBAS probably this week.

900
00:59:17.280 --> 00:59:18.760
We'll do our assessment.

901
00:59:18.760 --> 00:59:19.600
Awesome.

902
00:59:20.840 --> 00:59:21.680
So good.

903
00:59:21.680 --> 00:59:22.520
And we are going to circle back to you,

904
00:59:22.520 --> 00:59:25.840
but I do want to go to Joss and Kerry again

905
00:59:25.840 --> 00:59:27.600
to have you all share

906
00:59:27.600 --> 00:59:30.240
what were some of the things like with blending a family?

907
00:59:30.240 --> 00:59:33.200
Can you tell us how that journey has been for you?

908
00:59:33.200 --> 00:59:36.600
And maybe some of the things that the Lord has,

909
00:59:36.600 --> 00:59:40.960
you know, really helped you do to love each other's children

910
00:59:40.960 --> 00:59:41.800
and, you know,

911
00:59:41.840 --> 00:59:44.240
just what that dynamic has looked like for you.

912
00:59:45.760 --> 00:59:47.000
Yeah, I can start.

913
00:59:47.000 --> 00:59:51.120
So our children are very different,

914
00:59:51.120 --> 00:59:53.880
but they're very close in age.

915
00:59:53.880 --> 00:59:58.240
So we have 12, 13 and 14 year old boys now.

916
00:59:58.240 --> 01:00:00.080
And so that's.

917
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.360
been interesting for sure. They get along pretty well, and so that certainly helped.

918
01:00:07.360 --> 01:00:12.880
I think we just had different rhythms with the kids that we're still ironing out what that's

919
01:00:12.880 --> 01:00:20.720
going to look like. Carrie has her son a lot more than I have mine, and so I have mine week on week

920
01:00:20.720 --> 01:00:28.960
off. She has hers, I mean, 90% of the time. And so he'll be here a little bit more, so we're still

921
01:00:28.960 --> 01:00:34.800
figuring out what chores look like and some of those different pieces, and so that's certainly

922
01:00:34.800 --> 01:00:44.480
been a challenge. But I think from loving each other's kids and that sort of a thing, one thing

923
01:00:44.480 --> 01:00:49.760
that we've had to keep coming back to that came out of Simbus and different things and was one

924
01:00:49.760 --> 01:00:56.240
area of conflict for a little while is really focusing on our relationship first and making

925
01:00:56.240 --> 01:01:04.800
sure that that's strong so that we are united with the boys. And so it took me a little

926
01:01:04.800 --> 01:01:09.200
while to get there because it's just been me and the boys for a long time. I've been very

927
01:01:09.200 --> 01:01:16.640
protective of that relationship and that sort of a thing, and so it's taken some reorienting

928
01:01:16.640 --> 01:01:24.080
in terms of just what the regular rhythms are. And then we actually got married in April, but

929
01:01:24.080 --> 01:01:31.200
we weren't able to move in together until about three weeks ago because her son was

930
01:01:31.200 --> 01:01:38.880
enrolled in a school in Azle, and it's the end of his junior high year this year, and so she wanted

931
01:01:38.880 --> 01:01:43.200
him to be able to finish school there. So we kind of did a long-distance marriage thing for

932
01:01:44.000 --> 01:01:50.320
a little while, which was really tough. That was not fun. So we're still kind of

933
01:01:50.320 --> 01:01:54.800
figuring out some of those things. We haven't cohabitated for very long, and then it's the

934
01:01:54.800 --> 01:01:59.520
summer, and so it's kind of weird with possession schedules and different things. So we're still

935
01:01:59.520 --> 01:02:05.440
figuring those pieces out, but I think just from a behavioral perspective, the boys like each other.

936
01:02:06.480 --> 01:02:12.320
I think that her son moved in with my family, and so it's been a little more of an adjustment for

937
01:02:12.320 --> 01:02:19.360
him because he had to leave his hometown. And then where I share 50 percent custody with my

938
01:02:19.360 --> 01:02:25.600
kiddos here, I've got to live in the school district, so we were kind of stuck here.

939
01:02:25.600 --> 01:02:36.000
Yeah, and I was single with my kid for nine years, and he's an only child, so sharing his mom

940
01:02:36.640 --> 01:02:44.560
is a big deal, and having siblings is a big deal. He has a sibling with his dad,

941
01:02:45.440 --> 01:02:56.240
and my son is also adopted. So it's a really convoluted situation, but Joss comes from

942
01:02:56.960 --> 01:03:05.200
Joss's parents. This was, my gosh, this is God. Joss's parents were group home parents,

943
01:03:06.000 --> 01:03:14.960
growing up. So Joss understands foster care and all the things leading up to parenting my kid.

944
01:03:16.640 --> 01:03:25.840
To say it's an answer to prayer is, I can't really, I can't overstate that. My son asked,

945
01:03:26.720 --> 01:03:32.560
my son has been praying for a younger brother since he was like five years old. He got two

946
01:03:32.560 --> 01:03:38.400
younger brothers with Joss and a dad that understands kids that come from hard places.

947
01:03:38.400 --> 01:03:46.640
Joss was a high school principal. Joss worked in behavioral intervention, so Joss understands my

948
01:03:46.640 --> 01:03:56.400
kid. I would say as a single parent, praying for the needs of, we tend to prioritize the needs of

949
01:03:56.400 --> 01:04:04.640
our kids over us, and I don't think that's necessarily the priority. God has a husband

950
01:04:04.640 --> 01:04:12.640
and a parent for your kids, and Joss is the husband and parent for my son. That's the thing

951
01:04:12.640 --> 01:04:23.360
he answered prayers for, above and beyond everything else. So I just celebrate that.

952
01:04:23.520 --> 01:04:28.480
It's so huge and so specific, I can't even really express it in words.

953
01:04:30.960 --> 01:04:40.080
Man, it's so beautiful. I mean, God is truly so creative, and He is looking for opportunities

954
01:04:40.080 --> 01:04:50.000
to bless His kids. He is. And simple obedience leads us to each other. Isn't that the most

955
01:04:50.000 --> 01:04:53.520
amazing thing about those of you that have met your spirit mates, and for those that are here,

956
01:04:55.200 --> 01:04:59.920
just trusting that as God is leading you in that next step, that everything

957
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.960
next step that you do, it's leading you closer to them. And

958
01:05:05.120 --> 01:05:08.480
that each person is doing that, whether you like, I didn't know

959
01:05:08.480 --> 01:05:11.440
Brian was doing the healing things he was doing before I

960
01:05:11.440 --> 01:05:17.480
met him, right, but he was, and God knew that. And so just want

961
01:05:17.480 --> 01:05:19.960
to encourage you all that, you know, you're still looking,

962
01:05:19.960 --> 01:05:23.680
you're still dating, trying to find that person that trusting

963
01:05:23.680 --> 01:05:27.680
that God is working on them, and he's preparing them, and that he

964
01:05:27.680 --> 01:05:30.000
is going to lead them to you, and he's leading you to them,

965
01:05:30.000 --> 01:05:32.920
and he will highlight you to each other, that Jackie always

966
01:05:32.920 --> 01:05:36.520
talks about, man, you're, I'm just excited to hear about your

967
01:05:36.520 --> 01:05:40.360
family and what God is doing there. I look forward to hearing

968
01:05:40.360 --> 01:05:44.040
kind of even a year from now, how much has changed and grown

969
01:05:44.040 --> 01:05:47.160
for you all. I mean, the fact that you're just three weeks in,

970
01:05:47.160 --> 01:05:50.000
I mean, you're already accomplishing so much. And I'm

971
01:05:50.000 --> 01:05:54.080
sure there's bumps in the road, just from even having, you know,

972
01:05:54.080 --> 01:05:59.880
young girls in my life. So just keep working on all of those

973
01:05:59.880 --> 01:06:02.320
things. And God's going to meet you all right in the middle of

974
01:06:02.320 --> 01:06:05.760
that. It's going to be amazing. We may circle back, I'm just

975
01:06:05.760 --> 01:06:08.360
going to see how much time I have, I would love for Brittany

976
01:06:08.360 --> 01:06:12.600
to share, because on your never will I ever list was I don't

977
01:06:12.600 --> 01:06:14.880
want to date someone in ministry, you kind of touched on

978
01:06:14.880 --> 01:06:19.520
that already. But what I really want you all are you to talk

979
01:06:19.520 --> 01:06:26.200
about is, you know, how did God help you surrender that so that

980
01:06:26.200 --> 01:06:30.080
you would open your heart to AJ and not, you know, not partner

981
01:06:30.080 --> 01:06:33.600
with fear, because he was in that box of something you said

982
01:06:33.600 --> 01:06:36.680
you would never, you would never date or marry someone in that

983
01:06:36.680 --> 01:06:37.160
place.

984
01:06:37.920 --> 01:06:42.200
Yeah, I mean, I think the first thing, well, actually, so his

985
01:06:42.200 --> 01:06:46.200
hinge profile, he has, like, this hoodie that, well, first

986
01:06:46.840 --> 01:06:50.440
hinge profile was that he was a youth director, and right, and

987
01:06:50.440 --> 01:06:52.480
that he's Christian sounded more palatable.

988
01:06:56.520 --> 01:07:00.200
And, you know, yeah, so I mean, I think immediately, my

989
01:07:00.200 --> 01:07:04.040
hesitation is like, No, I don't want to do this. But I think

990
01:07:04.040 --> 01:07:08.880
just the practical step is going on that first date. So that's

991
01:07:08.880 --> 01:07:12.200
what I did. And, you know, getting to know AJ, his

992
01:07:12.200 --> 01:07:16.760
personality, our values. Yeah, just how we interact, we have

993
01:07:16.760 --> 01:07:20.760
so much commonality. I think that it was around, like the

994
01:07:20.800 --> 01:07:24.120
third day, though, you know, I think something in the past that

995
01:07:24.120 --> 01:07:28.000
I didn't do in relationships, or even situationships is expressed

996
01:07:28.000 --> 01:07:32.240
how I really felt about something or a fear. And so I

997
01:07:32.240 --> 01:07:36.160
think that was a big learning thing, even in the just previous

998
01:07:36.160 --> 01:07:38.920
relationship I had, you know, things that I felt that I never

999
01:07:38.920 --> 01:07:44.120
expressed. And so it was something I wanted to make sure

1000
01:07:44.120 --> 01:07:48.360
we were on the same page about, from the beginning, and it took

1001
01:07:48.360 --> 01:07:51.120
a lot of courage for me to open up and being like, this is just

1002
01:07:51.120 --> 01:07:54.280
a fear of mine, right? It was just, you know, that type of

1003
01:07:54.280 --> 01:07:57.600
conversation wasn't like, I don't want this, but I just want

1004
01:07:57.600 --> 01:08:00.640
to express my fear to you. Right. And about, you know,

1005
01:08:00.680 --> 01:08:05.520
raising kids in, in that environment, or being married in

1006
01:08:05.520 --> 01:08:08.000
that environment, and what it looks like, you know, in a

1007
01:08:08.000 --> 01:08:12.160
marriage. So I think that was also a first step and just me

1008
01:08:12.160 --> 01:08:15.040
even just learning to communicate those things and

1009
01:08:15.040 --> 01:08:18.439
fears. And I think that's been even an ongoing thing that we

1010
01:08:18.439 --> 01:08:24.760
continue. You know, as I joined his church and become a pastor's

1011
01:08:24.760 --> 01:08:29.760
wife. So that's just, you know, something we're growing.

1012
01:08:31.920 --> 01:08:36.080
Yes, and I can totally relate to you. So it's really great to

1013
01:08:36.080 --> 01:08:38.359
hear how God has been stretching you in those ways.

1014
01:08:38.560 --> 01:08:42.880
Someone's asking, how did AJ proposed to you, Brittany? How

1015
01:08:42.880 --> 01:08:43.880
did he propose?

1016
01:08:44.000 --> 01:08:50.520
He proposed we have like you should share a part of it. AJ

1017
01:08:50.520 --> 01:08:57.080
proposed at we have like a sort of a special spot in SF. It's by

1018
01:08:57.080 --> 01:09:00.880
the ocean. So he proposed there, but he was very sly about it. He

1019
01:09:00.880 --> 01:09:04.720
told me to wear white, and that we might take pictures. And I

1020
01:09:04.720 --> 01:09:05.520
had no idea.

1021
01:09:05.520 --> 01:09:09.319
And I sent her a calendar invite on her phone and told her to

1022
01:09:09.319 --> 01:09:10.279
take that day off.

1023
01:09:11.040 --> 01:09:12.720
So you know, I was shocked.

1024
01:09:15.640 --> 01:09:19.160
That's great. He's planning ahead you all. Okay, men, take

1025
01:09:19.160 --> 01:09:23.240
note. Take note. All right. No, it can be can be totally

1026
01:09:23.240 --> 01:09:25.960
spontaneous. But I love that that he was really intentional

1027
01:09:26.000 --> 01:09:29.000
to invest in that. Okay, so now what we're going to do with this

1028
01:09:29.000 --> 01:09:33.120
round robin next part is I would love for you all to share

1029
01:09:33.120 --> 01:09:36.560
something each person, something that you've learned

1030
01:09:36.560 --> 01:09:41.359
about yourself or a way that you've healed once you got into

1031
01:09:41.359 --> 01:09:46.359
relationship. Okay, everyone understand the question. So

1032
01:09:46.359 --> 01:09:49.520
something you've learned about yourself, or it could be another

1033
01:09:49.560 --> 01:09:53.920
area that you healed after being in relationship, because one of

1034
01:09:53.920 --> 01:09:56.280
the things we talked about is how, you know, hurt and

1035
01:09:56.280 --> 01:09:58.560
relationship healed and relationship hurt and community

1036
01:09:58.560 --> 01:09:59.680
healing in community.

1037
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.720
I'd love for y'all to just kind of share,

1038
01:10:01.720 --> 01:10:03.880
and I'll start with Eric and Belinda first.

1039
01:10:08.740 --> 01:10:13.540
I would say probably the thing that in my case

1040
01:10:13.540 --> 01:10:18.540
is the biggest is the comfort and necessity

1041
01:10:19.580 --> 01:10:22.200
to speak your mind.

1042
01:10:23.040 --> 01:10:28.040
And in my past relationship,

1043
01:10:30.000 --> 01:10:35.000
I would hesitate saying, I guess, expressing my feelings

1044
01:10:36.280 --> 01:10:39.960
and or bringing up challenging topics.

1045
01:10:41.200 --> 01:10:44.480
And one of the things and, you know,

1046
01:10:44.480 --> 01:10:47.240
sort of that as Belinda expressed

1047
01:10:47.240 --> 01:10:49.920
sort of that conversation about guardrails or boundaries

1048
01:10:50.560 --> 01:10:53.600
to just do that in the past might've been something

1049
01:10:53.600 --> 01:10:56.840
that I would know that I needed to bring up,

1050
01:10:56.840 --> 01:11:00.420
but would be hesitant for fear of,

1051
01:11:02.800 --> 01:11:04.000
I don't know, offending her,

1052
01:11:04.000 --> 01:11:07.240
making an, you know, having an uncomfortable conversation.

1053
01:11:08.200 --> 01:11:09.880
But I guess in the healing,

1054
01:11:09.880 --> 01:11:13.240
I just got to the point where, you know,

1055
01:11:13.240 --> 01:11:15.640
I'm just gonna lay my cards on the table.

1056
01:11:15.640 --> 01:11:19.360
And if we're meant to be together,

1057
01:11:19.800 --> 01:11:21.000
we'll figure out how to play those cards.

1058
01:11:21.000 --> 01:11:23.040
I mean, it might not be the perfect hand

1059
01:11:23.040 --> 01:11:25.400
that I'm laying out,

1060
01:11:25.400 --> 01:11:28.520
but we can work together to figure that out.

1061
01:11:28.520 --> 01:11:31.600
And in the end, it ends up being a better result

1062
01:11:31.600 --> 01:11:36.600
than I guess me out of hesitation or what have you,

1063
01:11:38.720 --> 01:11:40.440
not bringing up conversations

1064
01:11:40.440 --> 01:11:42.480
that are important, but challenging.

1065
01:11:44.840 --> 01:11:47.720
And can you repeat, Bethany, like what,

1066
01:11:47.720 --> 01:11:48.840
repeat the question.

1067
01:11:49.360 --> 01:11:50.200
I'm sorry I rambled so long.

1068
01:11:50.200 --> 01:11:51.640
No, it was good.

1069
01:11:51.640 --> 01:11:53.840
I even forgot the question halfway through.

1070
01:11:56.640 --> 01:11:58.120
Oh man, I love when we laugh

1071
01:11:58.120 --> 01:12:00.360
and we have fun on these nights for sure.

1072
01:12:00.360 --> 01:12:01.760
So this is great.

1073
01:12:01.760 --> 01:12:05.080
So just what's an area where you either

1074
01:12:05.080 --> 01:12:08.680
like learn something about yourself personally

1075
01:12:08.680 --> 01:12:11.000
from being in relationship with Eric

1076
01:12:11.000 --> 01:12:14.000
or another area that you healed

1077
01:12:14.000 --> 01:12:17.640
from being in a healthy relationship?

1078
01:12:17.680 --> 01:12:22.040
Yeah, I think for me,

1079
01:12:22.040 --> 01:12:24.600
I think the biggest growth that I have

1080
01:12:24.600 --> 01:12:27.040
and I don't know if you would agree,

1081
01:12:27.040 --> 01:12:30.680
but as is because now I'm able to trust the Lord

1082
01:12:30.680 --> 01:12:33.360
and I learned how to surrender my heart

1083
01:12:33.360 --> 01:12:37.280
was ultimately trusting that God's like my source, right?

1084
01:12:37.280 --> 01:12:40.760
And he holds my heart essentially, right?

1085
01:12:40.760 --> 01:12:44.080
That I have been able to let go of control.

1086
01:12:44.080 --> 01:12:48.880
I used to be extremely controlling in previous relationships

1087
01:12:48.880 --> 01:12:50.720
just because as a way to guard

1088
01:12:50.720 --> 01:12:52.400
and make sure that I could control everything

1089
01:12:52.400 --> 01:12:56.040
so nothing could go wrong if I had it all around.

1090
01:12:56.040 --> 01:12:58.080
And I've been able to surrender that

1091
01:12:58.080 --> 01:12:59.400
because of what I've learned

1092
01:12:59.400 --> 01:13:01.680
of being able just to surrender to the Lord

1093
01:13:01.680 --> 01:13:03.640
and being in a healthy relationship

1094
01:13:03.640 --> 01:13:06.160
where you can actually trust your partner

1095
01:13:06.160 --> 01:13:07.920
and things aren't always perfect.

1096
01:13:07.920 --> 01:13:11.680
There's not such a thing as a perfect person

1097
01:13:11.680 --> 01:13:13.000
or a perfect relationship,

1098
01:13:13.000 --> 01:13:15.040
but when you find the right one and it's healthy,

1099
01:13:15.040 --> 01:13:18.480
you can move through things a lot easier

1100
01:13:18.480 --> 01:13:20.960
and not have things be so bad

1101
01:13:20.960 --> 01:13:23.640
to where it triggers me wanting to control everything.

1102
01:13:23.640 --> 01:13:25.160
So that was big for me.

1103
01:13:26.520 --> 01:13:27.520
So good.

1104
01:13:27.520 --> 01:13:29.920
All right, I'm gonna come over to Joss and Keri.

1105
01:13:29.920 --> 01:13:30.920
What do y'all think?

1106
01:13:33.280 --> 01:13:34.680
So I would say,

1107
01:13:34.680 --> 01:13:37.000
I think I've always been attracted to people

1108
01:13:37.000 --> 01:13:38.600
that were the polar opposite of me.

1109
01:13:38.600 --> 01:13:41.520
So I thought I was the calm person.

1110
01:13:41.520 --> 01:13:43.040
I bring the peace, right?

1111
01:13:43.040 --> 01:13:46.360
I bring the cerebral whatever.

1112
01:13:47.440 --> 01:13:48.920
When we went through Symbus,

1113
01:13:48.920 --> 01:13:53.920
we were really concerned about how similar we were.

1114
01:13:54.040 --> 01:13:57.520
We're both really calm, peaceful people.

1115
01:13:57.520 --> 01:14:01.320
So we actually asked Jackie, like, are we too similar?

1116
01:14:01.320 --> 01:14:03.000
Like, we're concerned.

1117
01:14:03.000 --> 01:14:06.440
And she said, I would counsel you to consider

1118
01:14:06.440 --> 01:14:09.040
where you're complimentary.

1119
01:14:09.040 --> 01:14:13.400
And what I have acknowledged is

1120
01:14:14.360 --> 01:14:17.160
my assignment is not to bring the calm.

1121
01:14:17.160 --> 01:14:18.360
That's not my job.

1122
01:14:19.480 --> 01:14:22.920
Joss brings it in a very different way.

1123
01:14:22.920 --> 01:14:26.840
We bring it in completely complimentary ways.

1124
01:14:26.840 --> 01:14:29.000
It looks quiet.

1125
01:14:29.000 --> 01:14:32.160
I think in both ways, we don't fight loudly.

1126
01:14:32.160 --> 01:14:33.560
And that's what I was used to.

1127
01:14:33.560 --> 01:14:37.040
One person was really loud and I was quiet.

1128
01:14:37.040 --> 01:14:39.800
That's not complimentary.

1129
01:14:39.800 --> 01:14:41.600
That's just volume.

1130
01:14:41.600 --> 01:14:46.520
So I think Joss and I have discovered we're very different.

1131
01:14:46.520 --> 01:14:49.000
And on the outside, maybe we look the same,

1132
01:14:49.000 --> 01:14:51.760
but we still compliment one another.

1133
01:14:55.320 --> 01:14:57.040
I think that my biggest thing,

1134
01:14:57.040 --> 01:14:58.800
and it's not just in relationships,

1135
01:14:58.800 --> 01:15:00.200
but I think it's amplified.

1136
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:09.360
in relationships. It's just my alignment with God and pursuing him and his will is essential

1137
01:15:09.360 --> 01:15:16.160
to having healthy relationships and to being the person that I need to be as a father, as a husband,

1138
01:15:16.960 --> 01:15:22.240
all of those things. And that sounds so simple for so many people, but I think until

1139
01:15:22.240 --> 01:15:28.080
you go through some stuff, that's really tested. The faith is tested. All those different things

1140
01:15:28.080 --> 01:15:36.080
you don't realize how essential that alignment with him and your pursuit of him really is.

1141
01:15:36.080 --> 01:15:41.840
And so I think that that's whenever... I think I got good at being alone. That's the other side

1142
01:15:41.840 --> 01:15:46.080
of it was really hard to be alone at first, and then I got really good at it. And so now that

1143
01:15:46.080 --> 01:15:52.240
we're merging together and figuring out what that rhythm is going to look like, what I do find is

1144
01:15:52.240 --> 01:15:58.480
the more I'm in the word, the more I'm surrounding myself with people who are godly,

1145
01:15:59.200 --> 01:16:06.240
all those different pieces, the better I am just holistically as a husband and father for sure.

1146
01:16:08.960 --> 01:16:14.560
Love it. He got so good at being alone, y'all. I think there's probably some people on here that

1147
01:16:14.560 --> 01:16:20.080
can relate to that, and God's going to encourage you. You know, we're talking about friendship

1148
01:16:20.080 --> 01:16:25.200
in this season and the summer of friendship, and so I want to just kind of plug that again

1149
01:16:25.200 --> 01:16:32.080
as he's talking about that, the importance of connection and community. I released on top of

1150
01:16:32.080 --> 01:16:37.440
what we said on the prophetic night on Sunday night, I also reminded those in heartwork,

1151
01:16:37.440 --> 01:16:40.160
which they're not on here tonight, but I just am saying it for you all,

1152
01:16:41.280 --> 01:16:45.840
to really lean into that, getting out of their comfort zone and going and doing stuff that they

1153
01:16:45.840 --> 01:16:50.640
wouldn't normally do, which we touched on that Sunday night. And y'all, I had someone testify

1154
01:16:50.640 --> 01:16:55.200
today in the group that she went to this camp that they always go, she always goes to every

1155
01:16:55.200 --> 01:16:59.600
year with her family, and normally she would just hang out with her family. Y'all, she pushed

1156
01:16:59.600 --> 01:17:04.160
herself to go up and meet a bunch of new people, and she's like, and now I have like connections,

1157
01:17:04.160 --> 01:17:09.360
and one person, like they exchanged phone numbers, and this was like so exciting to her,

1158
01:17:09.360 --> 01:17:15.040
and I know that might sound so simple, but this is the stuff, we get so used to the people we

1159
01:17:15.040 --> 01:17:20.160
always hang with, or sometimes like kind of like what Joss is saying, sometimes we get really

1160
01:17:20.160 --> 01:17:27.040
comfortable just it being us, or our kids, or things like that. And so really pushing ourselves

1161
01:17:27.040 --> 01:17:32.240
to get out of our comfort zone, to go meet new people in this season, and so really want y'all

1162
01:17:32.240 --> 01:17:37.840
to really, really, really lean into that, okay? Community is so important, and getting to know

1163
01:17:37.840 --> 01:17:43.680
yourself is a part of getting to know other people, and that can really help you prepare

1164
01:17:43.680 --> 01:17:49.200
even more for your spirit mate. Okay, so thanks for sharing, guys. AJ and Brittany, how about you all?

1165
01:17:50.720 --> 01:17:58.000
Yeah, I think for me, just in past, I definitely had fear of the other person leaving,

1166
01:17:58.800 --> 01:18:04.480
so that was definitely something that came up strongly in the beginning of the relationship

1167
01:18:04.480 --> 01:18:11.040
with AJ, and just having thoughts that he would leave, and I, yeah, I remember just expressing

1168
01:18:11.040 --> 01:18:19.760
them to him, and yeah, he's so good at reassuring me, and one of the, I mean, I did it

1169
01:18:19.760 --> 01:18:26.080
not just one time, I've done it, yeah, twice, I think I did it three times, but the second time was really

1170
01:18:26.080 --> 01:18:31.440
sweet. He was like, you know, reassuring me, like, no, I'm not gonna leave, and he told me a story that,

1171
01:18:31.440 --> 01:18:37.680
you know, after the first date that he went out with me, he asked the Lord, he's like, Lord, can I

1172
01:18:37.680 --> 01:18:42.160
have her, and I thought that was just really sweet that he did that, yeah.

1173
01:18:45.120 --> 01:18:51.360
Yeah, and then for me, I think what I've learned is, so I think I mentioned, like, you know, just

1174
01:18:51.360 --> 01:18:55.760
things I've had to work on that's kept me single for so long, and I think a lot of it, which I

1175
01:18:55.760 --> 01:19:01.040
wouldn't realize at a time, but it was just, you know, things that, like, I would be, like, insecure about,

1176
01:19:01.040 --> 01:19:06.800
like, you know, I think everyone has insecurities, but, like, I think mine would just be, get so blown

1177
01:19:06.800 --> 01:19:14.560
up, and that would keep me single, and so, like, I wouldn't want to bring them to anyone, because,

1178
01:19:14.560 --> 01:19:19.200
I don't know, I just wouldn't, and that would, like, prevent me from that, and then the coolest

1179
01:19:19.200 --> 01:19:25.120
thing I've learned is, so, you know, me and Brittany are not even married yet, but then just to realize,

1180
01:19:25.120 --> 01:19:33.200
like, oh, I can bring those to her, and she's not, like, scared by them, and, you know, I thought, I

1181
01:19:33.200 --> 01:19:38.240
just thought it was cool, because, you know, that's, like, how God loves us, right, like, like, we would

1182
01:19:38.240 --> 01:19:43.280
never stand before God and be insecure about anything, right, because we're, like, oh, the Lord loves us,

1183
01:19:43.280 --> 01:19:49.520
He created us, and then to have, like, a partner who sees us like that, you know, more and more,

1184
01:19:50.240 --> 01:19:56.560
I think that's been really special. Man, that's so good. I was just thinking, Brittany, as I was

1185
01:19:56.560 --> 01:20:02.080
hearing what you were saying about the fear of a

1186
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.980
another person leaving.

1187
01:20:01.980 --> 01:20:03.940
I was just reading a book this week

1188
01:20:03.940 --> 01:20:08.180
that was talking about how even after people get married,

1189
01:20:08.180 --> 01:20:10.620
women still have an underlying,

1190
01:20:10.620 --> 01:20:12.620
I'm not saying this is everyone, okay?

1191
01:20:12.620 --> 01:20:14.460
So everybody don't freak out,

1192
01:20:14.460 --> 01:20:17.560
but I'm just saying this happens for a lot of women,

1193
01:20:17.560 --> 01:20:21.820
that they still have an underlying question.

1194
01:20:21.820 --> 01:20:23.820
Are they gonna continue to love me?

1195
01:20:23.820 --> 01:20:26.180
Are they gonna continue to stay?

1196
01:20:26.180 --> 01:20:29.020
And so men, I wanna encourage you

1197
01:20:29.020 --> 01:20:32.940
to make sure that you are reminding your wives

1198
01:20:32.940 --> 01:20:35.820
when you get married, why you chose them,

1199
01:20:35.820 --> 01:20:37.820
why you wanted to be with them

1200
01:20:37.820 --> 01:20:39.180
and still want to be with them.

1201
01:20:39.180 --> 01:20:41.460
And then there's other things that I learned

1202
01:20:41.460 --> 01:20:43.420
that guys need too in that book.

1203
01:20:43.420 --> 01:20:45.380
But I just felt led to mention that tonight

1204
01:20:45.380 --> 01:20:47.920
because I think especially people

1205
01:20:47.920 --> 01:20:50.460
that have battled abandonment and rejection

1206
01:20:50.460 --> 01:20:52.140
and they have those fears,

1207
01:20:53.100 --> 01:20:55.340
sometimes for myself,

1208
01:20:55.340 --> 01:20:57.980
like I had a really bad day one day

1209
01:20:57.980 --> 01:21:00.100
and I just like was,

1210
01:21:00.100 --> 01:21:01.900
I felt like probably,

1211
01:21:01.900 --> 01:21:03.460
and when I say this to y'all,

1212
01:21:03.460 --> 01:21:04.740
I wasn't going crazy or anything,

1213
01:21:04.740 --> 01:21:07.700
but like I felt ugly in the way I acted.

1214
01:21:07.700 --> 01:21:08.700
Does that make sense?

1215
01:21:08.700 --> 01:21:11.580
Like I just, I was totally raw in front of Brian

1216
01:21:11.580 --> 01:21:13.700
and he never judged me.

1217
01:21:13.700 --> 01:21:16.460
He wasn't mean, he didn't put me down.

1218
01:21:16.460 --> 01:21:19.460
He just like, he just was there.

1219
01:21:19.460 --> 01:21:21.740
And that was, and that just happened

1220
01:21:21.740 --> 01:21:23.540
like literally like two months ago.

1221
01:21:23.540 --> 01:21:25.860
And there's been other times that he's been like that too,

1222
01:21:25.860 --> 01:21:27.940
but just in that moment,

1223
01:21:28.780 --> 01:21:30.180
I was kind of like, oh,

1224
01:21:30.180 --> 01:21:32.660
like he still loves me.

1225
01:21:32.660 --> 01:21:36.260
And I was just really struggling in front of him.

1226
01:21:36.260 --> 01:21:38.140
He's not gonna leave, you know?

1227
01:21:38.140 --> 01:21:41.060
And so for whatever it's worth,

1228
01:21:41.060 --> 01:21:43.660
I want to encourage you all like

1229
01:21:43.660 --> 01:21:45.780
that struggle regarding worrying

1230
01:21:45.780 --> 01:21:48.460
that someone can't handle you,

1231
01:21:48.460 --> 01:21:51.940
if you will, that your stuff is too much.

1232
01:21:51.940 --> 01:21:53.220
That's a lie.

1233
01:21:53.220 --> 01:21:54.340
That's a lie from the enemy.

1234
01:21:54.340 --> 01:21:56.500
And so if that's something you're still struggling with

1235
01:21:56.500 --> 01:21:58.780
and believe that you would continue to unpack

1236
01:21:58.780 --> 01:21:59.620
that with the Lord,

1237
01:21:59.620 --> 01:22:02.100
even long after you meet your spirit mate,

1238
01:22:02.100 --> 01:22:03.540
like I'm talking about.

1239
01:22:03.540 --> 01:22:05.260
And so really important.

1240
01:22:05.260 --> 01:22:08.340
And then as AJ was sharing about the mind and thoughts,

1241
01:22:08.340 --> 01:22:10.420
I've also heard a common theme tonight.

1242
01:22:10.420 --> 01:22:11.980
I don't know if you all have heard it

1243
01:22:11.980 --> 01:22:15.540
about just how these couples have each one

1244
01:22:15.540 --> 01:22:17.580
in their own way expressed,

1245
01:22:17.580 --> 01:22:21.060
how something, an area that they've grown

1246
01:22:21.060 --> 01:22:22.500
or that they are still growing

1247
01:22:22.500 --> 01:22:25.780
is like knowing that they can be honest

1248
01:22:25.820 --> 01:22:29.220
about their feelings with the person that they're with.

1249
01:22:29.220 --> 01:22:31.420
And I wanna say that happens

1250
01:22:31.420 --> 01:22:34.060
when you're in a healthy relationship.

1251
01:22:34.060 --> 01:22:35.380
That's what happens.

1252
01:22:35.380 --> 01:22:40.180
You have space to open up and share even vulnerable things.

1253
01:22:40.180 --> 01:22:43.980
And so I wanna encourage you all to be praying into that,

1254
01:22:43.980 --> 01:22:46.060
that God would bring you someone

1255
01:22:46.060 --> 01:22:48.900
that walks in all of the fruits of the spirit.

1256
01:22:48.900 --> 01:22:50.860
You know, kindness and love,

1257
01:22:50.860 --> 01:22:53.820
just start studying what those things mean.

1258
01:22:53.820 --> 01:22:55.620
Well, kindness means like,

1259
01:22:55.620 --> 01:22:59.060
they're like abundantly generous towards you,

1260
01:22:59.060 --> 01:23:00.140
means other things too,

1261
01:23:00.140 --> 01:23:02.260
but you know that we would be generous

1262
01:23:02.260 --> 01:23:04.260
with our love towards other people

1263
01:23:04.260 --> 01:23:07.420
and allow ourselves to be loved in return.

1264
01:23:07.420 --> 01:23:10.660
Even the most broken places and spaces of us,

1265
01:23:10.660 --> 01:23:12.180
y'all, we are lovable.

1266
01:23:12.180 --> 01:23:13.980
God created us that way.

1267
01:23:13.980 --> 01:23:16.180
And so I wanted to close with that tonight

1268
01:23:16.180 --> 01:23:18.940
because our minds are a battlefield,

1269
01:23:18.940 --> 01:23:22.900
but man, God can help us get control of those by his grace

1270
01:23:22.900 --> 01:23:24.660
and through his power.

1271
01:23:24.660 --> 01:23:27.620
He died on the cross for us to be free.

1272
01:23:27.620 --> 01:23:29.980
And whom the son has set free is free indeed.

1273
01:23:29.980 --> 01:23:31.860
And so if you're struggling with your mind,

1274
01:23:31.860 --> 01:23:33.460
just know that you're not alone

1275
01:23:33.460 --> 01:23:35.380
and God wants to help you with that.

1276
01:23:35.380 --> 01:23:36.460
He wants to help you with that

1277
01:23:36.460 --> 01:23:39.380
so that you can enter a relationship

1278
01:23:39.380 --> 01:23:40.500
with someone that's healthy

1279
01:23:40.500 --> 01:23:43.460
and really flourish more and more in the days to come.

1280
01:23:43.460 --> 01:23:44.660
So we're at 923.

1281
01:23:44.660 --> 01:23:46.060
I'm gonna go ahead.

1282
01:23:46.060 --> 01:23:49.060
Do you have anything else that you wanna add?

1283
01:23:49.060 --> 01:23:50.020
That would be helpful?

1284
01:23:50.020 --> 01:23:52.900
What you were talking made me think of Moulin Rouge quote,

1285
01:23:52.900 --> 01:23:54.860
the greatest thing in the world is to be loved

1286
01:23:54.860 --> 01:23:58.780
and to be loved in return from the spectacular spectacular.

1287
01:23:58.780 --> 01:24:01.700
So that's all I have to add.

1288
01:24:01.700 --> 01:24:03.220
Do you wanna show them your Lego mug

1289
01:24:03.220 --> 01:24:04.220
before he's talking off y'all?

1290
01:24:04.220 --> 01:24:06.140
He was like, I got my Lego mug.

1291
01:24:06.140 --> 01:24:07.620
Oh, you gotta come in there.

1292
01:24:07.620 --> 01:24:08.900
I'm being censored.

1293
01:24:08.900 --> 01:24:10.820
No, it's just the screen.

1294
01:24:10.820 --> 01:24:12.500
So he's so proud of the Lego mug.

1295
01:24:12.500 --> 01:24:13.980
Y'all, for those of you that don't know,

1296
01:24:13.980 --> 01:24:16.060
we coined him as the Lego pastor.

1297
01:24:16.060 --> 01:24:18.580
And for those that were on a session with us before,

1298
01:24:18.580 --> 01:24:20.220
some of y'all have kind of been like,

1299
01:24:20.220 --> 01:24:21.700
oh yeah, Brian loves Lego.

1300
01:24:21.700 --> 01:24:23.940
So I wanted to give him that little shout out

1301
01:24:23.940 --> 01:24:25.860
before we log off tonight.

1302
01:24:25.860 --> 01:24:29.820
Joss and Keri, Eric and Belinda, AJ and Brittany, thank you.

1303
01:24:29.820 --> 01:24:32.580
Thank you for being here tonight and sharing vulnerably

1304
01:24:32.580 --> 01:24:35.140
and opening your lives and hearts to us.

1305
01:24:35.140 --> 01:24:37.260
Man, it's been encouraging to me.

1306
01:24:37.260 --> 01:24:39.180
And so I believe it's been encouraging

1307
01:24:39.180 --> 01:24:40.340
to everyone else here.

1308
01:24:40.340 --> 01:24:43.180
And AJ and Brittany, we're praying for you

1309
01:24:43.180 --> 01:24:45.580
as you prepare for your wedding day

1310
01:24:45.580 --> 01:24:47.180
for Joss and Keri and Eric and Belinda.

1311
01:24:47.180 --> 01:24:49.980
We're praying and asking God to cover your marriage

1312
01:24:49.980 --> 01:24:52.500
and your relationship and to continue to cause you

1313
01:24:52.500 --> 01:24:54.220
to flourish in your families as well.

1314
01:24:54.220 --> 01:24:56.780
And so thank you again for being here.

1315
01:24:56.780 --> 01:24:58.300
Would you mind to pray us out?

1316
01:24:58.300 --> 01:24:59.220
That would be amazing.

1317
01:24:59.220 --> 01:25:00.060
Lean forward.

1318
01:25:00.640 --> 01:25:02.680
Heavenly Father, we just thank you for this evening.

1319
01:25:02.680 --> 01:25:05.240
We thank you for the stories that we get to hear

1320
01:25:05.240 --> 01:25:06.560
of how you're working.

1321
01:25:06.560 --> 01:25:09.000
And Lord, we're so thankful for all the stories

1322
01:25:09.000 --> 01:25:11.800
that are being written even now.

1323
01:25:11.800 --> 01:25:13.940
The people that you have in store,

1324
01:25:13.940 --> 01:25:17.320
the spirit mates that you are preparing even now.

1325
01:25:17.320 --> 01:25:19.220
So Lord, as we go our separate ways,

1326
01:25:19.220 --> 01:25:21.880
even though we separate, you never leave us.

1327
01:25:21.880 --> 01:25:23.880
So we just thank you for that.

1328
01:25:23.880 --> 01:25:27.640
Continue to work in us and make us more and more

1329
01:25:27.640 --> 01:25:29.800
like you, Jesus, each day.

1330
01:25:30.000 --> 01:25:31.600
In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

1331
01:25:31.600 --> 01:25:33.560
Amen, amen.

1332
01:25:33.560 --> 01:25:34.960
Thank you again, everyone.

1333
01:25:34.960 --> 01:25:36.600
Have a good night.

1334
01:25:36.600 --> 01:25:37.440
Bye.

1335
01:25:37.440 --> 01:25:39.000
Thank you, Bethany and Brian.

1336
01:25:39.000 --> 01:25:40.540
Bye, thanks guys.