WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:09.040 All right. Welcome, ladies. This is the Love Story Accelerator. It's our heart check-in. 2 00:00:09.040 --> 00:00:18.040 It's 1 o'clock Eastern. It's 12 o'clock here where I'm at in Texas. Yes, we missed you 3 00:00:18.040 --> 00:00:27.560 as well, Kim. Good to see you. Totally fine, Marlene. Or is it Marley? Sorry. You can't 4 00:00:27.560 --> 00:00:32.920 get your camera on. That's fine. I know you've been on camera before. If you've never been 5 00:00:32.920 --> 00:00:41.120 on camera before, ladies, I do want to see your face. Okay. Always good to see you. So 6 00:00:41.120 --> 00:00:51.760 yes, this is your live check-in. It is July 8th, 2025. Do I have any new ladies on? This 7 00:00:51.760 --> 00:01:00.440 is your first time in Phase 2 Love Story Accelerator check-in. I think I recognize 8 00:01:00.440 --> 00:01:08.960 most of you. Okay, Elizabeth, you are new to the 1 p.m. session. Okay, yeah, I've seen 9 00:01:08.960 --> 00:01:15.080 your post, so I recognized your name. But we're glad to have you here. So good to see 10 00:01:15.080 --> 00:01:22.440 you. Well, ladies, if any of you are watching in replay, I want to welcome you as well. 11 00:01:22.440 --> 00:01:27.400 My name is Carla Johnson. I'm one of the dating coaches here at Last Year Single. I've been 12 00:01:27.400 --> 00:01:33.560 working for Jackie now over a year and a half, but I was actually in the program before I 13 00:01:33.560 --> 00:01:41.640 started working with her. So I joined her in October of 2020 when I was single. And 14 00:01:41.640 --> 00:01:47.880 after a couple years of, you know, the ups and downs, the, you know, putting myself out 15 00:01:47.880 --> 00:01:55.840 there, stretching myself, leaning into what God wanted me to go through and process and 16 00:01:55.840 --> 00:02:03.240 my journey, I did meet my husband. So we've now been married almost two years in September. 17 00:02:03.240 --> 00:02:11.120 So I say that because I have been where you ladies have been. Okay, so I worked this program. 18 00:02:11.120 --> 00:02:18.160 I've gone through the ups, the downs, the all of it. Okay, so I totally, totally get it. 19 00:02:18.160 --> 00:02:24.160 Jen, welcome. Good to see your face. You are new here. Awesome. Perfect. Well, I'm so glad 20 00:02:24.160 --> 00:02:29.760 you're able to make this live session. Ladies, just remember, these live sessions are sometimes 21 00:02:29.760 --> 00:02:34.920 we get the most breakthrough. And so we understand that if timing, you might not be able to get 22 00:02:34.920 --> 00:02:42.120 here, but I do want to encourage you to watch the replay. But if you can find the intentional 23 00:02:42.120 --> 00:02:49.400 time to prioritize this Tuesday call in your schedule, at least during the season that you're 24 00:02:49.400 --> 00:02:55.240 in the Lestory Accelerator phase, then I want to encourage you to do so. So we have the one 25 00:02:55.240 --> 00:03:01.160 o'clock Eastern time and we also have an eight o'clock Eastern time. And so again, if you ladies 26 00:03:01.160 --> 00:03:07.000 are new to Lestory Accelerator phase, just what I want to kind of just preface, 27 00:03:08.600 --> 00:03:14.200 this is what we kind of call the discovery dating phase. And so what we mean by that is we want you 28 00:03:14.200 --> 00:03:23.720 to start preparing your heart for dating. Okay, we held you off in phase one and that was super 29 00:03:23.720 --> 00:03:33.000 critical. Mary is so good to see you. Oh, so good to see you. But yeah, we want to start preparing 30 00:03:33.000 --> 00:03:37.880 you for either if you are ready to step into dating now, or if you kind of just want to soak 31 00:03:37.880 --> 00:03:43.480 in it a little bit and prepare yourself to step out into dating, we want you to start getting 32 00:03:43.480 --> 00:03:51.160 that ready. And so the biggest reason why we call it discovery dating is because it really is a time 33 00:03:51.160 --> 00:03:59.880 for you to discover more about yourself and other people. Okay, this is a new dating 34 00:03:59.880 --> 00:04:05.880 experience for you. I know we all have passed with dating before, whether it was online 35 00:04:05.880 --> 00:04:12.040 dating, we didn't like it. Maybe we dated and had just horrible pickers. I had a horrible 36 00:04:12.040 --> 00:04:19.399 picker, y'all. I had such a horrible picker. And just sometimes it's a little scary. 37 00:04:19.399 --> 00:04:24.040 Like you think, oh, this is going to just be the same thing that I was dealing with before. 38 00:04:24.040 --> 00:04:30.600 And it really isn't. It isn't doesn't have to be. Okay. And so we put some guardrails in place for 39 00:04:30.600 --> 00:04:35.400 you. We start, you know, hopefully you ladies are starting to get vulnerable and share with us, 40 00:04:35.400 --> 00:04:40.680 like what's going on in your life. And then that way it opens you up to share with us what's 41 00:04:40.680 --> 00:04:47.640 happening in your dating life. And it doesn't have to be that way. Okay. It really is taking 42 00:04:47.640 --> 00:04:53.400 the opportunity to learn a little bit more about yourself. Okay. Now that you got heartwork, 43 00:04:54.040 --> 00:04:56.680 you're going to date differently. Believe it or not, 44 00:04:56.680 --> 00:04:59.720 you will date differently. If you allow yourself to date differently. 45 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.560 Okay, but you're gonna discover you're gonna discover some things when you're dating 46 00:05:05.600 --> 00:05:07.600 that need to be healed or 47 00:05:08.640 --> 00:05:10.880 Patterns that you have that you're like, oh 48 00:05:12.040 --> 00:05:17.280 Wow, that's something that I was doing and maybe that's why I was in the situation 49 00:05:17.280 --> 00:05:22.960 I was in like there's some accountability there. All right, maybe you were attracted to the bad boys 50 00:05:23.200 --> 00:05:25.640 That was me. I was always attracted to the bad boys 51 00:05:26.120 --> 00:05:31.240 All right, and once I got some healing I started recognizing what about 52 00:05:32.360 --> 00:05:34.160 that was 53 00:05:34.160 --> 00:05:41.120 Making me attracted to it. And once I got some heart work and I started putting myself out there in this discovery dating 54 00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:45.960 I started to recognize that there was an opportunity for me to grow 55 00:05:46.520 --> 00:05:48.520 deeper in my relationship with the Lord 56 00:05:48.920 --> 00:05:52.300 But deeper on my identity and what I wanted and what I didn't want 57 00:05:53.140 --> 00:05:58.300 Okay, and so I learned my patterns that weren't healthy so that I could heal those I 58 00:05:58.980 --> 00:06:01.860 learned that there were good men out there and 59 00:06:02.420 --> 00:06:07.100 I was starting to become more attracted to the healthier men than I was to the unhealthy bad boys 60 00:06:07.620 --> 00:06:10.300 So it was a celebration. Okay, so 61 00:06:10.820 --> 00:06:11.820 I 62 00:06:11.820 --> 00:06:18.380 Also preface this with you ladies and you know, I know this is not gonna be what you want to hear. Okay? 63 00:06:19.380 --> 00:06:22.620 But if you know, you're starting to get into that dating 64 00:06:22.620 --> 00:06:29.340 I really want you ladies to just sit in the idea that the first guy that you meet 65 00:06:30.260 --> 00:06:33.460 Most likely isn't gonna be your spirit mate. Okay? 66 00:06:34.700 --> 00:06:41.660 There's gonna be some growing and some learning that needs to take place. Okay? I'm not saying that it can't happen 67 00:06:41.660 --> 00:06:43.660 I'm saying that 68 00:06:43.860 --> 00:06:50.880 90 let's say 98% of the time that first guy that you're dating right out of heartwork is probably not your spirit mate 69 00:06:51.060 --> 00:06:54.300 Okay, because you got to learn some new things about yourself 70 00:06:54.300 --> 00:06:57.180 You're gonna you know getting your feet wet and all that kind of stuff 71 00:06:57.820 --> 00:06:59.820 Like I said doesn't mean that it can't happen 72 00:07:00.500 --> 00:07:07.000 Okay, you know God can do some pretty miraculous things, but in my many years in this program 73 00:07:08.300 --> 00:07:13.300 It never worked out that way for most of us women here. Okay, so 74 00:07:13.700 --> 00:07:19.340 If you go into it, like you are just discovering more about yourself and what you like about people 75 00:07:19.980 --> 00:07:27.820 Then you're you're gonna be fine. Okay, so just go in with that heart and just be ready to 76 00:07:28.580 --> 00:07:32.180 You know invite God into this whole idea of like what? 77 00:07:32.780 --> 00:07:35.780 Opportunities and experiences. Can you have to grow and learn? 78 00:07:36.300 --> 00:07:42.060 Okay, so I kind of spent a lot of time kind of going over that but I I do like to kind of sometimes 79 00:07:42.820 --> 00:07:44.820 Remind my ladies 80 00:07:45.220 --> 00:07:51.320 What this this we call, you know, love story accelerator will come phase two is all about. Okay 81 00:07:52.500 --> 00:07:57.980 I'm gonna go ahead and quickly just pray us in and then go over a couple housekeeping things and then we'll go into the 82 00:07:58.260 --> 00:08:03.540 Activations and then take your questions. How about that? All right, Heavenly Father. I just thank you for this time together 83 00:08:04.660 --> 00:08:06.740 Lord, I just ask that you open 84 00:08:07.740 --> 00:08:10.780 Everyone's hearts to your wisdom and your truth 85 00:08:11.380 --> 00:08:18.140 Lord, I ask that there just be vulnerability shared shared here Lord. I thank you for 86 00:08:18.900 --> 00:08:26.340 Each journey that you have for every single woman in that on this call and listening into replay and in this community in general 87 00:08:26.860 --> 00:08:29.860 Lord you are here to prepare our hearts 88 00:08:30.500 --> 00:08:34.820 for the deepest desires of our hearts that you've put in there and 89 00:08:35.380 --> 00:08:37.380 So we want to 90 00:08:38.100 --> 00:08:39.700 just 91 00:08:39.700 --> 00:08:43.100 Absorb all the preparation that's necessary 92 00:08:44.140 --> 00:08:49.860 so that we can have a full and abundant life with you with what you what you bless us with and 93 00:08:50.300 --> 00:08:56.220 So Lord, I just ask that you again you open our hearts and our minds to your wisdom and your truth 94 00:08:56.500 --> 00:08:58.940 And just be with us today. Amen 95 00:09:00.020 --> 00:09:02.020 All right 96 00:09:02.380 --> 00:09:03.460 Um 97 00:09:03.460 --> 00:09:08.780 So Sarah you said I have definitely felt a major difference going back into dating field after hard work. Awesome 98 00:09:08.780 --> 00:09:13.220 It's been refreshing and empowering. I love that. That's so awesome 99 00:09:14.860 --> 00:09:19.980 Yeah, and a lot of you ladies will experience that if you allow yourself to for sure 100 00:09:20.860 --> 00:09:27.720 Okay, a couple just housekeeping things again. Remember when you are finished with love story accelerator 101 00:09:28.600 --> 00:09:33.280 Which means you've been here at least five weeks you've watched every one of our 102 00:09:33.800 --> 00:09:37.520 Videos again, I'm gonna preface you ladies. Do not rush through those videos 103 00:09:37.840 --> 00:09:43.600 Okay, I was actually I think I shared with them. I think was Laurie Laurie eyes 104 00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:49.880 I told her hey, don't go rewatch the rewatch some of those those beginning videos and she did so and she 105 00:09:50.240 --> 00:09:52.560 Says she feels so much better after doing so 106 00:09:53.400 --> 00:09:55.720 You know, you can watch them a handful of times 107 00:09:56.120 --> 00:10:00.080 Okay, but we definitely want you to take one video a week and really 108 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:03.000 please sit and process it, okay? 109 00:10:03.000 --> 00:10:04.800 Don't, you don't have to rush through it. 110 00:10:04.800 --> 00:10:06.640 You just sit and process it. 111 00:10:06.640 --> 00:10:08.880 What is the Lord speaking to you? 112 00:10:08.880 --> 00:10:10.980 What does he want to reveal to you? 113 00:10:10.980 --> 00:10:14.800 What does he want you practicing this week, okay? 114 00:10:14.800 --> 00:10:16.720 And remember ladies, it doesn't have, 115 00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:19.400 you don't have to be dating in this phase. 116 00:10:19.400 --> 00:10:22.160 Believe it or not, you don't have to be dating. 117 00:10:22.160 --> 00:10:24.760 If you need a little more time, we totally get it. 118 00:10:24.760 --> 00:10:28.060 But I want to encourage you that if you are not dating, 119 00:10:28.060 --> 00:10:31.680 you are still actively participating in this community. 120 00:10:32.580 --> 00:10:35.260 And this goes for everybody, whether you're dating or not. 121 00:10:35.260 --> 00:10:37.220 We want to know what's going on in your life, 122 00:10:37.220 --> 00:10:38.940 not just your dating life. 123 00:10:38.940 --> 00:10:42.140 We want to build relationship with you, okay? 124 00:10:42.140 --> 00:10:46.340 I was in this program and I have built so many relationships 125 00:10:46.340 --> 00:10:47.980 in those beginning stages. 126 00:10:47.980 --> 00:10:49.180 And it wasn't always about my, 127 00:10:49.180 --> 00:10:52.900 I shared stuff that wasn't always about my dating stuff. 128 00:10:52.900 --> 00:10:54.160 Like what was going on in my life? 129 00:10:54.160 --> 00:10:55.380 What was God growing me in? 130 00:10:55.380 --> 00:10:56.380 What was he showing me? 131 00:10:56.940 --> 00:10:59.500 What breakthroughs was I having in my identity 132 00:10:59.500 --> 00:11:03.660 and my self-worth and community and family 133 00:11:03.660 --> 00:11:06.420 and all these other things about being a mom. 134 00:11:06.420 --> 00:11:08.300 It was a single mom to a little. 135 00:11:08.300 --> 00:11:13.300 Like he became like our like little mascot. 136 00:11:14.820 --> 00:11:16.260 My son, when I first started, 137 00:11:16.260 --> 00:11:17.900 he was like four or five years old. 138 00:11:17.900 --> 00:11:19.380 Like now he's almost 10. 139 00:11:20.500 --> 00:11:23.180 And like all the ladies knew who he was. 140 00:11:23.180 --> 00:11:27.020 And like, I would visit with a lot of the women. 141 00:11:27.020 --> 00:11:28.980 Women would come visit me in Florida. 142 00:11:28.980 --> 00:11:30.820 Like, and everybody just knew 143 00:11:30.820 --> 00:11:32.780 what was going on in Beau's life. 144 00:11:32.780 --> 00:11:34.900 That's my youngest, all right? 145 00:11:34.900 --> 00:11:37.300 So I didn't just share about my dating experiences. 146 00:11:37.300 --> 00:11:38.620 I shared my life. 147 00:11:39.620 --> 00:11:41.940 And so I really want to encourage you ladies 148 00:11:41.940 --> 00:11:42.780 to do the same. 149 00:11:44.140 --> 00:11:46.960 But yeah, when you're finished with Love Story Accelerator, 150 00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:49.860 go ahead and shoot a message, 151 00:11:49.860 --> 00:11:52.900 an email over to admin at JackieDorman.com. 152 00:11:53.620 --> 00:11:57.420 And they will shift you over to the all community phase. 153 00:11:57.420 --> 00:11:58.900 Okay? 154 00:11:58.900 --> 00:12:02.100 So last week, ladies, 155 00:12:02.100 --> 00:12:03.380 how did you do with connecting 156 00:12:03.380 --> 00:12:05.380 with some of the women in the community? 157 00:12:07.540 --> 00:12:10.380 Does anybody want to unmute and share like your experience? 158 00:12:10.380 --> 00:12:11.780 How did that go? 159 00:12:13.660 --> 00:12:18.660 I feel like I reached out to somebody from this group 160 00:12:18.980 --> 00:12:20.980 and we talked a little bit. 161 00:12:20.980 --> 00:12:22.420 I wonder if she's on here. 162 00:12:23.820 --> 00:12:25.340 I'm looking really quickly. 163 00:12:26.300 --> 00:12:27.780 No, I don't see her on here. 164 00:12:27.780 --> 00:12:30.300 But when we shared numbers at first, 165 00:12:30.300 --> 00:12:31.780 I remember thinking like, 166 00:12:31.780 --> 00:12:34.640 oh, I don't really want to do that. 167 00:12:34.640 --> 00:12:37.980 But then I had shared something 168 00:12:37.980 --> 00:12:39.420 and she put in the comments 169 00:12:39.420 --> 00:12:42.420 that she felt like she was experiencing something similar. 170 00:12:42.420 --> 00:12:45.740 So I reached out and we've been texting 171 00:12:45.740 --> 00:12:47.260 and we really like connected 172 00:12:47.260 --> 00:12:49.000 on having that like similar experience. 173 00:12:49.000 --> 00:12:50.700 I felt like that was kind of cool. 174 00:12:51.580 --> 00:12:52.420 Good, yeah. 175 00:12:52.420 --> 00:12:54.220 Yeah, I did do it. 176 00:12:54.220 --> 00:12:55.100 Yes, ladies. 177 00:12:55.100 --> 00:12:56.460 And I want to even encourage you. 178 00:12:56.460 --> 00:12:57.940 So I'm guessing, Sandy, 179 00:12:57.940 --> 00:13:00.500 she probably, does she live close to you or no? 180 00:13:00.500 --> 00:13:02.420 No, she lives across the country. 181 00:13:02.420 --> 00:13:04.820 She lives in North Carolina and I'm in California. 182 00:13:04.820 --> 00:13:06.180 Exactly, ladies. 183 00:13:06.180 --> 00:13:07.580 So I want to encourage you. 184 00:13:07.580 --> 00:13:09.100 Like I know some people are like, 185 00:13:09.100 --> 00:13:11.220 oh, I'm just looking for someone that lives in, 186 00:13:11.220 --> 00:13:13.900 you know, who's in DFW area. 187 00:13:13.900 --> 00:13:15.820 Like I want to connect with you. 188 00:13:15.820 --> 00:13:16.660 That's great. 189 00:13:16.660 --> 00:13:17.980 If you can find someone in this community 190 00:13:17.980 --> 00:13:18.820 that lives close to you 191 00:13:18.820 --> 00:13:20.780 and you can go hang out and visit, 192 00:13:20.780 --> 00:13:23.060 but even if there isn't someone in your area, 193 00:13:23.060 --> 00:13:23.980 still connect. 194 00:13:23.980 --> 00:13:25.140 Because the cool thing is, 195 00:13:25.140 --> 00:13:27.140 is then you got somebody to visit. 196 00:13:27.140 --> 00:13:27.980 All right. 197 00:13:27.980 --> 00:13:29.760 I made so many friends from all over. 198 00:13:29.760 --> 00:13:31.320 I was living in Florida. 199 00:13:31.320 --> 00:13:33.220 I went to Atlanta a handful of times. 200 00:13:33.220 --> 00:13:36.300 I stayed with one of the girls and her kids. 201 00:13:36.300 --> 00:13:37.740 Like me and my son went up there. 202 00:13:37.740 --> 00:13:40.340 We like, she invited us to like stay there. 203 00:13:40.340 --> 00:13:42.140 So it saved me from having to, you know, 204 00:13:42.140 --> 00:13:45.360 buy a hotel or an Airbnb. 205 00:13:45.360 --> 00:13:47.540 And again, we did life together 206 00:13:47.540 --> 00:13:49.520 because we did life in community. 207 00:13:49.520 --> 00:13:51.180 Whether, I mean, we were on Zoom calls, 208 00:13:51.180 --> 00:13:52.380 we were in the apps, 209 00:13:52.380 --> 00:13:54.300 like we were in Facebook at that point, 210 00:13:54.300 --> 00:13:56.600 but we were still like connecting in that way. 211 00:13:57.680 --> 00:14:01.100 We do sometimes do retreats. 212 00:14:01.100 --> 00:14:05.060 So I met her on a retreat to Austin in the beginning. 213 00:14:05.060 --> 00:14:07.060 So yeah, I want to encourage you ladies 214 00:14:07.060 --> 00:14:09.980 just to continue to, you know, branch off, 215 00:14:09.980 --> 00:14:12.860 like get to know somebody, you know, 216 00:14:12.860 --> 00:14:14.780 this is your community. 217 00:14:14.820 --> 00:14:18.300 And I know that sometimes it can feel a little scary 218 00:14:18.300 --> 00:14:19.740 to allow people to come in, 219 00:14:19.740 --> 00:14:22.420 especially if we've been hurt in community, 220 00:14:22.420 --> 00:14:27.420 but we also know that Jesus wants us to be healed. 221 00:14:30.120 --> 00:14:31.380 So if we've been hurt in community, 222 00:14:31.380 --> 00:14:33.420 he wants to heal us in community too. 223 00:14:34.260 --> 00:14:36.820 And so we do that by allowing ourselves 224 00:14:36.820 --> 00:14:39.580 to connect with safe people. 225 00:14:39.580 --> 00:14:42.220 And ladies, we get to know you. 226 00:14:43.060 --> 00:14:45.180 We see you, we know you. 227 00:14:45.180 --> 00:14:46.420 Okay, we're safe here. 228 00:14:46.420 --> 00:14:49.620 This is a safe space, okay? 229 00:14:49.620 --> 00:14:51.300 So just keep that in mind, 230 00:14:51.300 --> 00:14:53.220 continue to connect in community. 231 00:14:53.220 --> 00:14:57.620 If you did not get to go to Ebony's call last Tuesday, 232 00:14:57.620 --> 00:14:59.020 her eight o'clock one, 233 00:14:59.020 --> 00:15:00.380 I encourage you to listen. 234 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:07.440 into it. I think her and the women kind of went and broke down just how important community is 235 00:15:08.160 --> 00:15:15.120 and how it ties into marriage and that, you know, especially if it's tied to loneliness. 236 00:15:16.320 --> 00:15:20.400 Ladies, if we want marriage because we're lonely, guess what? Marriage isn't going to 237 00:15:20.400 --> 00:15:28.400 isn't going to heal our loneliness. It just isn't. Okay, so let's prepare ourselves 238 00:15:28.400 --> 00:15:34.480 for connection by connecting a community so we can fully connect with our spirit mates as well. 239 00:15:35.040 --> 00:15:40.080 Okay, and let me tell you, your spirit mate isn't going to be your end-all be-all. 240 00:15:40.080 --> 00:15:45.680 Okay, I love my husband dearly. He is my, you know, God's my number one. He's my number two, 241 00:15:46.240 --> 00:15:52.560 but I still need community. I still need women. All right, I love my husband. He's a man though. 242 00:15:53.360 --> 00:15:59.360 There's just something like some men just don't get it. You know, we're different creatures, 243 00:15:59.360 --> 00:16:05.360 and so it is important to still have female relationships as well, and so I want to encourage 244 00:16:05.360 --> 00:16:13.120 you to do that this week. Go listen to Ebony's replay if you can for next week activation. 245 00:16:13.120 --> 00:16:17.360 Again, I'm going to activate you to listen to Supernatural Saturday. I was able to listen to 246 00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:25.680 it last night. It was really, really good. It actually encouraged me to re-look at some 247 00:16:25.680 --> 00:16:34.480 things that are happening in my life and start partnering with God to shift some of that stuff, 248 00:16:35.280 --> 00:16:39.920 and so my activation for you ladies this week is kind of tied to that, so I definitely want 249 00:16:39.920 --> 00:16:45.680 you listening to Supernatural Saturday first because it's going to make more sense. Okay, 250 00:16:46.640 --> 00:16:53.760 but I want you ladies to revisit your Jesus Cares Board. Okay, that Jesus Cares Board that you 251 00:16:53.760 --> 00:17:00.160 should have created in phase one of the heart work, right? I know mine has been in the back 252 00:17:00.160 --> 00:17:09.920 of my closet for a long time, y'all, and so I need to pull that out and like just revamp it, 253 00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:15.200 so that's my plan for myself this week, so I want you ladies revisiting your Jesus Care Board as 254 00:17:15.200 --> 00:17:21.359 well. I want you to post a photo in our app, and I want you to share with us is there something on 255 00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:26.240 that Jesus Cares Board that has been answered for you because I do want you celebrating the wins. 256 00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:33.120 Okay, but this is the one I really, really want you to focus on this week. I want you to pick 257 00:17:33.120 --> 00:17:38.560 something on your Jesus Cares Board this week that you need to make a plan to partner with God 258 00:17:38.560 --> 00:17:45.200 to help make happen. So when you listen to Supernatural Saturday, that will make sense, 259 00:17:46.240 --> 00:17:52.720 all right? What's interesting is the sermon that I had at my church this week 260 00:17:54.160 --> 00:17:58.160 was very similar to what Jackie was sharing on Supernatural Saturday. 261 00:17:58.720 --> 00:18:06.800 We have to be able to, like we want, faith is so important, but we have to, and prayers are important, 262 00:18:06.800 --> 00:18:13.680 but we have to step into the action. We have to be willing to partner with God, and what that 263 00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:20.720 doesn't mean, it doesn't mean that, you know, God's not going to give blessings to you. He's 264 00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:25.440 not going to withhold something because you didn't do something, okay? That's not the God that we 265 00:18:26.320 --> 00:18:33.840 that loves us, right? But we do need to partner with Him. We need to believe that He can move 266 00:18:33.840 --> 00:18:43.920 and do things supernaturally. So we got to put feet to those prayers. So I want you ladies looking 267 00:18:43.920 --> 00:18:49.280 at those Jesus Care Board, post us a photo, share with us a little about it, okay? 268 00:18:49.360 --> 00:18:54.800 But pick something on there that you're like, I've been asking Jesus to take this, and this is what 269 00:18:55.360 --> 00:19:04.240 I believe He's sharing with me on what to do about it, okay? So let's say, for example, it might be a 270 00:19:05.360 --> 00:19:10.320 something financial, okay? That's definitely, I've got a lot of financial things that need to go on 271 00:19:10.320 --> 00:19:17.120 our Jesus Cares Board for our family, and so I want to start getting into that. I'm going to 272 00:19:17.920 --> 00:19:23.840 and so I'm going to start getting more specific, but I'm going to ask God, okay, what can I do to 273 00:19:23.840 --> 00:19:27.840 be partnering with this? And I've done this once before, and I did it actually the beginning of the 274 00:19:27.840 --> 00:19:38.320 year, and I made a poster for our family in our dining room on a get out of debt battle plan for 275 00:19:38.320 --> 00:19:45.120 our family. I mean, I included my kids on this, y'all. That was my plan. I'm partnering with that 276 00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:52.720 I know God can provide and help get us out of debt. He can provide ways for us to make income. 277 00:19:52.720 --> 00:19:57.040 He can provide debts to be forgiven, all sorts of stuff. 278 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.320 I included my kids on that so that my kids can help us partner with it too. 279 00:20:04.320 --> 00:20:06.160 Then it teaches my kids, 280 00:20:06.160 --> 00:20:10.600 look, this is why it's important to steward your money well. 281 00:20:10.600 --> 00:20:14.080 Then when we find ourselves in certain situations, 282 00:20:14.080 --> 00:20:18.520 that we can lean on the Lord and he's going to help provide for us. 283 00:20:18.520 --> 00:20:20.120 My husband and I, when we got married, 284 00:20:20.120 --> 00:20:22.200 neither one of us really had any debt, 285 00:20:22.200 --> 00:20:28.000 but there was a lot of crazy stuff that happened right before we got married, 286 00:20:28.200 --> 00:20:31.280 that found us in a mountain of debt. 287 00:20:31.280 --> 00:20:32.800 We're like, what happened? 288 00:20:32.800 --> 00:20:35.040 Now we're almost two years into marriage and it's like, 289 00:20:35.040 --> 00:20:36.800 how do we get here? 290 00:20:36.800 --> 00:20:41.120 But we do trust that God is moving. 291 00:20:41.120 --> 00:20:44.320 Maybe it's something financial. 292 00:20:44.800 --> 00:20:48.680 I'm partnering, okay, we're going to meal plan. 293 00:20:48.680 --> 00:20:49.760 I'm going to meal plan better. 294 00:20:49.760 --> 00:20:50.920 I'm going to grocery shop better. 295 00:20:50.920 --> 00:20:52.580 I'm going to be more mindful of that. 296 00:20:52.580 --> 00:20:57.960 Those are things that I can be doing to partner with it and it's a plan. 297 00:20:57.960 --> 00:21:00.360 I can do what I can do. 298 00:21:00.360 --> 00:21:02.440 God will do what he can do. 299 00:21:02.440 --> 00:21:04.720 It's just one example. 300 00:21:04.720 --> 00:21:07.000 Now, I know a lot of you ladies might be, 301 00:21:07.000 --> 00:21:09.040 okay, I want marriage. 302 00:21:09.040 --> 00:21:11.080 This is how I'm going to partner with marriage. 303 00:21:11.080 --> 00:21:12.640 Share with us. 304 00:21:12.640 --> 00:21:15.120 Maybe I'm going to get on the apps. 305 00:21:15.120 --> 00:21:16.440 I don't want to get on the apps, 306 00:21:16.440 --> 00:21:19.360 but I'm going to trust that God's got this. 307 00:21:19.360 --> 00:21:24.600 Maybe I'm going to do some volunteering, 308 00:21:24.600 --> 00:21:28.320 volunteer groups, active groups, whatever it is. 309 00:21:28.320 --> 00:21:34.560 Tell us what your plan is to partner with what it is that you're asking God to make happen. 310 00:21:34.560 --> 00:21:38.880 Cool? Thumbs up. 311 00:21:38.880 --> 00:21:43.760 Any questions? If you have questions, let me know. 312 00:21:45.520 --> 00:21:48.920 We'll be doing that. 313 00:21:48.920 --> 00:21:53.200 Awesome. Just right before I get onto questions, 314 00:21:53.200 --> 00:21:55.640 I do want to touch base a little bit. 315 00:21:55.640 --> 00:21:57.200 Actually, I'm going to ask first, 316 00:21:57.200 --> 00:22:01.680 do I have any women on here that are single moms? 317 00:22:02.760 --> 00:22:06.080 Raise your avatar hand if you are a single mama. 318 00:22:06.080 --> 00:22:08.320 You got some young kiddos, 319 00:22:08.320 --> 00:22:10.680 like 18 and younger. 320 00:22:10.680 --> 00:22:13.080 I got three of you. Awesome. 321 00:22:13.080 --> 00:22:17.720 Do I have any other women that have children, but they're adult children? 322 00:22:18.720 --> 00:22:23.200 Okay. Stephanie, I see Kathy, 323 00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:28.240 Kim, Lori, both Loris, I think do. 324 00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:29.760 Okay, cool. All right. 325 00:22:29.760 --> 00:22:33.280 I'm just going to touch a little bit on this. 326 00:22:33.600 --> 00:22:37.760 I felt really just pressed to talk a little bit about it. 327 00:22:37.760 --> 00:22:39.960 I was a single mom as well. 328 00:22:39.960 --> 00:22:43.600 I was asking my husband about this last night. 329 00:22:43.960 --> 00:22:49.720 Dating and being a single mom can have its challenges, right? 330 00:22:51.320 --> 00:22:56.600 I specifically want to preface this. 331 00:22:56.600 --> 00:23:01.840 When do you introduce men to your children? 332 00:23:02.400 --> 00:23:05.560 If your children are a little bit older, 333 00:23:05.560 --> 00:23:07.880 that's not going to be as, 334 00:23:07.880 --> 00:23:12.120 you're probably not going to be as mindful as that as if you're younger. 335 00:23:12.280 --> 00:23:15.680 But I really want to encourage you. 336 00:23:15.680 --> 00:23:18.440 I was talking to my husband because y'all, 337 00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:22.200 and the reason I share this is because my husband was a widow. 338 00:23:22.200 --> 00:23:23.720 He had two children, 339 00:23:23.720 --> 00:23:25.800 and so he was dating. 340 00:23:25.800 --> 00:23:30.480 I think his wife had passed four to five years before I met him. 341 00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:33.240 He was dating after she passed, 342 00:23:33.240 --> 00:23:37.640 and he introduced his kids, our kids, 343 00:23:37.640 --> 00:23:40.440 I call them my kids now too, 344 00:23:40.600 --> 00:23:44.960 to a handful of women that he dated. 345 00:23:46.640 --> 00:23:50.160 I personally was convicted, 346 00:23:50.160 --> 00:23:52.880 and I know not everyone has these convictions. 347 00:23:52.880 --> 00:23:58.520 I was strongly convicted to not introduce my son to anybody that I dated. 348 00:23:58.520 --> 00:24:02.040 I really prayed a lot into that, 349 00:24:02.040 --> 00:24:05.000 and it was really, really important that if I was going to 350 00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:08.720 introduce my child to somebody that I was dating, 351 00:24:08.760 --> 00:24:13.480 it was going to be that this was heading towards marriage. 352 00:24:13.800 --> 00:24:21.240 I really want to encourage you ladies to press into that and really be praying about that. 353 00:24:21.240 --> 00:24:24.360 Again, it was my conviction. 354 00:24:24.360 --> 00:24:29.320 But the reason I want to preface this is I really want you ladies to think 355 00:24:29.320 --> 00:24:36.680 about when it's appropriate to introduce your children to somebody that you're dating. 356 00:24:36.680 --> 00:24:48.080 Because it can create all sorts of lies and situations for your kids too. 357 00:24:48.080 --> 00:24:50.280 It can create issues that, 358 00:24:50.280 --> 00:24:53.680 let's say you introduce them to somebody that's not your spirit mate. 359 00:24:53.680 --> 00:24:55.200 This is what happened to me, 360 00:24:55.200 --> 00:24:56.920 and this is why I share this, 361 00:24:56.920 --> 00:25:01.040 is my husband introduced his kids. 362 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.000 to a couple different women and then when I came in the picture my oldest son 363 00:25:06.000 --> 00:25:13.200 was a little more guarded to allow me to come in like he was really unsure it was 364 00:25:13.200 --> 00:25:19.040 really hard for him at first okay and he warmed up as we were dating and we were 365 00:25:19.040 --> 00:25:22.920 in the engagement period that by the time we got married he and I had a 366 00:25:22.920 --> 00:25:27.760 pretty close relationship and you know we're continuing that my daughter on the 367 00:25:27.760 --> 00:25:33.920 other hand she clung to me immediately she needed she wanted a mother she 368 00:25:33.920 --> 00:25:40.860 desired a mother but she had done that with so many other women and then we get 369 00:25:40.860 --> 00:25:47.040 married she didn't like that I was stepping into this mother role because 370 00:25:47.040 --> 00:25:54.120 then I wasn't just this fun person okay that dad's dating now I have to come in 371 00:25:54.120 --> 00:26:00.960 I'm living in the house I'm setting rules and boundaries I'm doing all these 372 00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:08.880 things like the mother is supposed to do I'm homeschooling them okay and she 373 00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:15.920 didn't like it she didn't like it at all and there was a lot of friction she 374 00:26:15.920 --> 00:26:21.720 constantly was trying to divide me and my husband and one way she did that she's 375 00:26:21.720 --> 00:26:28.240 constantly bringing up the ex-girlfriends like she'd say their name 376 00:26:28.240 --> 00:26:35.400 like it was it was difficult y'all I share that because it was difficult for 377 00:26:35.400 --> 00:26:40.840 me and so my husband I had the conversation and I mean obviously I love 378 00:26:40.840 --> 00:26:45.240 him dearly and you know we can't change things that happen in the past but I did 379 00:26:45.240 --> 00:26:53.480 express to him I'm like it really hurts me that you didn't wait to introduce 380 00:26:53.480 --> 00:26:59.200 your kids to the person that you were going to marry because it's caused 381 00:26:59.200 --> 00:27:04.200 hardship in my life and built and building connection with your children 382 00:27:04.200 --> 00:27:09.560 and I wish you would have held on to that and kept that a little more sacred 383 00:27:09.560 --> 00:27:15.760 so that I could have had a better an easier way okay not that it's I mean we 384 00:27:15.760 --> 00:27:21.880 all have to go through some hard stuff but that's why I say that okay so you 385 00:27:21.880 --> 00:27:26.720 really want to be very sure before you start introducing your kids to someone 386 00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:31.640 that you're dating it's really important in those early level two stages that 387 00:27:31.640 --> 00:27:36.880 you're building a foundation with the person that you're getting to know 388 00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:44.040 it's so important okay we want to make like your love story is gonna be your 389 00:27:44.040 --> 00:27:48.640 kids love story too okay and this can even happen even with your adult 390 00:27:48.640 --> 00:27:54.760 children okay they might not be warm to the idea of you dating somebody okay so 391 00:27:54.760 --> 00:27:57.880 you want to make sure that you're building enough connection and you've 392 00:27:57.880 --> 00:28:03.160 gotten to know someone that they're a trusted safe person because you've built 393 00:28:03.160 --> 00:28:09.440 foundation with them before introducing them and causing some turmoil or some 394 00:28:09.440 --> 00:28:14.520 questioning or whatever have you does that make sense 395 00:28:15.000 --> 00:28:20.160 does that make sense okay so do you want to preface we can we can dig into that a 396 00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:25.080 little more if anybody has more questions about it but again I just want 397 00:28:25.080 --> 00:28:28.960 you ladies to make sure that you're pacing yourselves well okay an 398 00:28:28.960 --> 00:28:36.240 appropriate time for introducing people to your children probably towards the 399 00:28:36.240 --> 00:28:41.440 end of level two going into your level three exclusive exclusive relationship 400 00:28:41.440 --> 00:28:47.680 okay some people depending on how long you dated in level two it might be 401 00:28:47.680 --> 00:28:52.720 appropriate if you get into level three quickly I'd still give it some time to 402 00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:55.560 really get to know somebody to really make sure is this person marriage 403 00:28:55.560 --> 00:29:01.760 minded we get along do we you know do we see ourself moving towards a future 404 00:29:01.760 --> 00:29:06.520 together all right you've experienced some things you may be even I always say 405 00:29:06.520 --> 00:29:11.240 you definitely want to have an argument with somebody you want to see how people 406 00:29:11.240 --> 00:29:20.200 argue like typically it's really unhealthy if like you're dating someone 407 00:29:20.200 --> 00:29:26.440 you're like oh we never fight there's something wrong there y'all like I thought 408 00:29:26.440 --> 00:29:31.440 with my best friend I mean before I was married and now obviously even my 409 00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:35.720 husband and I we get into some arguments you know but you're gonna want to you 410 00:29:35.720 --> 00:29:39.120 want to know how does the person like can you get into some arguments with 411 00:29:39.120 --> 00:29:44.520 somebody and you can you be respectful and all that good stuff okay all right I 412 00:29:44.520 --> 00:29:48.880 got some questions so I'm gonna take your questions we've got like 45 minutes 413 00:29:48.880 --> 00:29:57.960 which is a good amount of time I've got 21 ladies on so shoot your questions to 414 00:29:57.960 --> 00:30:01.760 me raise that avatar hands 415 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.800 Don't be shy. 416 00:30:02.800 --> 00:30:09.160 Let's see if I can pick on some people that maybe haven't heard on in a while. 417 00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:13.240 Put those avatar hands up. 418 00:30:13.240 --> 00:30:15.120 See, it's always my same people. 419 00:30:15.120 --> 00:30:16.440 I love it. I love it. 420 00:30:16.440 --> 00:30:18.440 I love it. I love it. I love it. 421 00:30:18.440 --> 00:30:20.400 Awesome. Awesome. Good. 422 00:30:20.400 --> 00:30:22.280 Good. Good. All right. 423 00:30:22.280 --> 00:30:24.440 Mary, I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks. 424 00:30:24.440 --> 00:30:25.600 I'm going to take your question. 425 00:30:25.600 --> 00:30:27.760 How are you doing, my dear? 426 00:30:27.760 --> 00:30:29.520 We've been praying for you. 427 00:30:29.520 --> 00:30:31.320 Oh, thank you so much. 428 00:30:31.320 --> 00:30:33.240 I really felt the prayers. 429 00:30:33.240 --> 00:30:35.040 So, yeah, thank you. 430 00:30:35.040 --> 00:30:39.120 It's been a difficult few weeks with my dad's declining health 431 00:30:39.120 --> 00:30:41.840 and then my mum as well. 432 00:30:41.840 --> 00:30:43.840 And my parents aren't together. 433 00:30:43.840 --> 00:30:47.000 So and I've been working full time and covering for people 434 00:30:47.000 --> 00:30:48.880 and my health's not been good. 435 00:30:48.880 --> 00:30:50.360 So. So, yeah. 436 00:30:50.360 --> 00:30:52.080 So I've been posting in the app. 437 00:30:52.080 --> 00:30:54.040 So I'm really grateful. 438 00:30:54.040 --> 00:30:55.120 I really felt the prayers. 439 00:30:55.120 --> 00:30:58.280 So thank you for that. 440 00:30:58.280 --> 00:31:00.320 But I've been listening to Supernatural Saturday 441 00:31:00.320 --> 00:31:02.240 and I did watch the replay of last week 442 00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:04.080 and I just want to say thanks to Christine, 443 00:31:04.080 --> 00:31:07.480 because I I actually blushed when I listened. 444 00:31:07.480 --> 00:31:11.920 I went red because I was just so touched by her lovely words. 445 00:31:12.960 --> 00:31:17.400 But I've had a couple of full circle moments 446 00:31:18.480 --> 00:31:20.040 which have come to me. 447 00:31:20.040 --> 00:31:23.800 So and it's not specifically 448 00:31:23.800 --> 00:31:26.160 relating to sort of dating or anything like that. 449 00:31:27.160 --> 00:31:30.520 But I actually sense that God wants me to go back 450 00:31:30.520 --> 00:31:33.520 to the church that I had stepped away from. 451 00:31:33.520 --> 00:31:37.120 There was some conflict there and they've actually kind of 452 00:31:37.120 --> 00:31:41.240 there's been a little bit of a split with 453 00:31:42.080 --> 00:31:45.080 with some people that didn't want to go a certain way. 454 00:31:45.080 --> 00:31:47.320 And I've just had that sense that God wants me to go back. 455 00:31:47.320 --> 00:31:51.920 So I'm going back this Sunday and I had joined a new gym 456 00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:55.160 and I just and I'm not enjoying it. 457 00:31:55.320 --> 00:31:58.120 And I've had a sense that God wants me to go back 458 00:31:58.120 --> 00:31:58.960 to my old place. 459 00:31:58.960 --> 00:32:01.480 So I said, right, OK, let's go and do that. 460 00:32:01.480 --> 00:32:04.720 So I thought, wow, I've had two full circle moments. 461 00:32:05.240 --> 00:32:08.840 And I've been really struck by what Jackie has said about 462 00:32:09.680 --> 00:32:13.080 the scripture of a man plans his way, but God directs his steps. 463 00:32:13.840 --> 00:32:17.960 And just what you were saying as well and that moving. 464 00:32:18.560 --> 00:32:20.600 And I was kind of think about it as. 465 00:32:21.800 --> 00:32:24.360 You can't move a car unless you put it in gear 466 00:32:24.360 --> 00:32:26.480 or, you know, you're just on a journey. 467 00:32:26.480 --> 00:32:28.760 I think, well, God can direct me if I'm moving. 468 00:32:28.760 --> 00:32:32.360 But if I'm standing, I'm not you know, I don't know which way to go. 469 00:32:32.360 --> 00:32:34.040 It's best to step out. 470 00:32:34.040 --> 00:32:37.160 So. So, yeah, so I feel like I'm stepping out. 471 00:32:37.200 --> 00:32:41.000 So I am on a few dating apps. 472 00:32:41.560 --> 00:32:45.160 I'm not really I'm waving to guys, 473 00:32:45.600 --> 00:32:50.480 not really getting any responses, except they could be in like Argentina or 474 00:32:52.080 --> 00:32:54.160 I've set my preferences for the UK. 475 00:32:54.480 --> 00:32:57.840 And but they're still coming from South America. 476 00:32:59.400 --> 00:33:03.320 And there's some in the UK, but there's like four or 500 miles away. 477 00:33:03.320 --> 00:33:06.360 And, you know, they're nice. 478 00:33:06.360 --> 00:33:07.440 They seem nice guys. 479 00:33:07.440 --> 00:33:09.640 But I am not seem to be meeting anybody 480 00:33:10.920 --> 00:33:14.240 closer. And from what you said last week, Carla, 481 00:33:15.080 --> 00:33:17.960 it really resonated with me because I was thinking my heart's 482 00:33:17.960 --> 00:33:20.000 not completely in the online dating. 483 00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:23.920 And I think I actually feel comforted, comforted by a lot of people 484 00:33:23.920 --> 00:33:26.640 not feeling that way as well. 485 00:33:26.640 --> 00:33:31.160 I'm very old fashioned and I'd want to meet someone, get to know them. 486 00:33:32.760 --> 00:33:36.360 But online dating seems to be the way to kind of do that at times. 487 00:33:36.360 --> 00:33:39.480 So. So, yeah. So on a journey. 488 00:33:39.480 --> 00:33:41.720 And I'm just really grateful to be back. 489 00:33:41.720 --> 00:33:44.680 And yeah. So thank you. 490 00:33:44.880 --> 00:33:47.400 Thank you all. You're so welcome. 491 00:33:47.400 --> 00:33:49.520 Yeah, ladies, there's a couple of things 492 00:33:51.200 --> 00:33:52.360 that I wanted to touch on. 493 00:33:52.360 --> 00:33:56.920 I wrote I wrote down the not having the heart for online dating. 494 00:33:56.920 --> 00:34:00.160 If you're not in it, like we're not going to force you to go do it. 495 00:34:00.280 --> 00:34:03.040 I always encourage it because it allows you to get your feet wet. 496 00:34:03.040 --> 00:34:06.440 And that's honestly, that's a lot of how people are dating nowadays. 497 00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:10.000 I didn't love it, but, you know, I was open to it. 498 00:34:10.320 --> 00:34:15.000 OK, so if you have to do it and then you just, you know, you go to it 499 00:34:15.000 --> 00:34:17.560 and then you give it a week or so and you're like, OK, I'm gonna take a break 500 00:34:17.560 --> 00:34:19.840 and then go back, just keep going back and forth to it. 501 00:34:20.600 --> 00:34:25.080 But ladies, if you don't feel like online dating is what you where you want to start. 502 00:34:25.520 --> 00:34:29.360 I want to encourage you, ladies, to go go out and do things that you enjoy. 503 00:34:30.159 --> 00:34:31.960 Go have fun. 504 00:34:32.639 --> 00:34:36.080 So, Mary, I really want to encourage you, you've had a lot going on. 505 00:34:36.639 --> 00:34:40.719 A lot of heaviness, I think, has been happening in your life right now. 506 00:34:41.280 --> 00:34:44.440 And I really want to encourage you. 507 00:34:44.440 --> 00:34:49.320 For some self-care, go go plan and go do some things like at least once a week 508 00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:51.920 that. Is fun for you. 509 00:34:53.320 --> 00:34:57.480 Like really sit with the Lord and ask him, like, where do you want me to go? 510 00:34:57.480 --> 00:35:00.000 What do you want me to go do? What do you want me to go enjoy? 511 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.200 And you'll be surprised like, ladies, if you're going out and having fun, especially if you're 512 00:35:07.200 --> 00:35:11.880 around people, you're going to meet people and ladies, you don't have to meet men. 513 00:35:11.880 --> 00:35:12.880 You can meet other women. 514 00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:17.520 Do you know women can actually connect you to your spirit mate? 515 00:35:17.520 --> 00:35:21.960 One of the women in this community connected me to my spirit mate. 516 00:35:21.960 --> 00:35:22.960 Like it can happen. 517 00:35:22.960 --> 00:35:26.240 You, you never know who you're going to meet and how they are connected. 518 00:35:26.240 --> 00:35:27.240 What is it? 519 00:35:28.240 --> 00:35:32.920 The six degrees, it's, um, you know, does anybody know who Kevin Bacon is? 520 00:35:32.920 --> 00:35:39.720 He's an actor here in the United States, like it's the, it's like the six, six degrees of 521 00:35:39.720 --> 00:35:40.720 Kevin Bacon. 522 00:35:40.720 --> 00:35:49.560 Like everybody is tied to Kevin Bacon, but there's possibly six degrees or less that 523 00:35:49.560 --> 00:35:52.080 someone is connected to your spirit mate. 524 00:35:52.080 --> 00:35:53.520 All right. 525 00:35:53.520 --> 00:35:56.080 So go out, have fun. 526 00:35:56.080 --> 00:35:58.960 I know that online dating is not a blast. 527 00:35:58.960 --> 00:36:00.040 Okay. 528 00:36:00.040 --> 00:36:04.800 We got to shift our mindset and say, okay, I'm going to be open-minded to this, but it 529 00:36:04.800 --> 00:36:07.320 doesn't have to be your only way. 530 00:36:07.320 --> 00:36:08.920 Okay. 531 00:36:08.920 --> 00:36:12.920 And then the last thing, Mary, you brought up, I love, I love the scripture and yes, 532 00:36:12.920 --> 00:36:13.920 Jackie shared this too. 533 00:36:13.920 --> 00:36:18.160 A man can, can plan his way, but God directs your step. 534 00:36:18.160 --> 00:36:23.120 And the thing that just every time I hear that scripture, or I think about, you know, 535 00:36:23.120 --> 00:36:27.120 putting things into action and doing, and just kind of stepping out in faith and just 536 00:36:27.120 --> 00:36:30.920 being like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I'm going to go do this. 537 00:36:30.920 --> 00:36:32.840 God always redirects me. 538 00:36:32.840 --> 00:36:37.920 And I always get this vision of the GPS. 539 00:36:37.920 --> 00:36:43.120 And I probably could pull up the video from many years ago when I was in this community, 540 00:36:43.120 --> 00:36:46.640 because back then we used to do videos. 541 00:36:46.640 --> 00:36:50.440 We would make posts and we would post videos and it kind of got out of hand because some 542 00:36:50.440 --> 00:36:58.480 of us like me would spend 20 to 30 minutes talking on a live just to, you know, whoever 543 00:36:58.480 --> 00:36:59.480 was watching. 544 00:36:59.480 --> 00:37:06.000 And, but I remember there was one, I was literally in the car driving and, and God just clearly 545 00:37:06.000 --> 00:37:10.600 showed me like, there's all these different ways that you can get to your destination, 546 00:37:10.600 --> 00:37:13.000 but I'm going to give you the best. 547 00:37:13.000 --> 00:37:16.040 I'm going to give you the quickest, the most exhilarated way. 548 00:37:16.040 --> 00:37:19.240 And if you make a wrong turn, it's okay. 549 00:37:19.240 --> 00:37:23.440 And sometimes there'll be traffic and he would take me on this route. 550 00:37:23.440 --> 00:37:27.360 And I'd be like, Whoa, that's like way, that's way out of the way. 551 00:37:27.360 --> 00:37:33.480 It was the scenic route and there was such a journey, but it actually got me there quicker 552 00:37:33.480 --> 00:37:39.000 because there was a bunch of traffic on the, what was supposed to be the quickest way. 553 00:37:39.000 --> 00:37:45.920 So I love that ladies just get out, step out in faith, you know, make a plan. 554 00:37:45.920 --> 00:37:48.520 God is going to direct your path. 555 00:37:48.800 --> 00:37:49.800 He will. 556 00:37:49.800 --> 00:37:54.920 If you're stepping in the wrong direction, he will course correct if we're open to hearing 557 00:37:54.920 --> 00:37:55.920 him. 558 00:37:55.920 --> 00:37:56.920 Okay. 559 00:37:56.920 --> 00:38:01.480 So keep that in mind, Mary, thank you so much for your update. 560 00:38:01.480 --> 00:38:02.480 Good to see you. 561 00:38:02.480 --> 00:38:07.560 Cause I just want to say that the word that was coming to me over the last week was rerouted 562 00:38:07.560 --> 00:38:08.560 as well. 563 00:38:08.560 --> 00:38:11.800 And that's just what, just similar to what you've said as well. 564 00:38:11.800 --> 00:38:14.960 And it might be for other people as well, that God is going to reroute us. 565 00:38:14.960 --> 00:38:15.960 So. 566 00:38:15.960 --> 00:38:16.960 Yes. 567 00:38:16.960 --> 00:38:17.960 Amen. 568 00:38:18.400 --> 00:38:19.400 Amen. 569 00:38:19.400 --> 00:38:20.400 Amen. 570 00:38:20.400 --> 00:38:21.400 That's confirmation right there. 571 00:38:21.400 --> 00:38:22.400 I love it. 572 00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:23.400 All right. 573 00:38:23.400 --> 00:38:24.400 Sarah, I see your hand. 574 00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:25.400 Can you come on camera? 575 00:38:25.400 --> 00:38:26.400 If not, it's totally fine. 576 00:38:26.400 --> 00:38:27.400 Hello. 577 00:38:27.400 --> 00:38:28.400 There she is. 578 00:38:28.400 --> 00:38:29.400 Hi. 579 00:38:29.400 --> 00:38:30.400 Hi. 580 00:38:30.400 --> 00:38:31.400 Hello. 581 00:38:31.400 --> 00:38:33.400 I know I'm normally like working at the same time and I'm like looking like this 5,000 582 00:38:33.400 --> 00:38:34.400 times. 583 00:38:34.400 --> 00:38:35.400 So I'm not trying to be distracting. 584 00:38:35.400 --> 00:38:36.400 You're good. 585 00:38:36.400 --> 00:38:37.400 You're good. 586 00:38:37.400 --> 00:38:42.680 But I do just want to say for those that like are kind of feeling hesitant towards the dating 587 00:38:42.680 --> 00:38:43.680 apps. 588 00:38:43.680 --> 00:38:47.960 I was on it before the heartwork, then went through the heartwork and now back in it, 589 00:38:47.960 --> 00:38:54.760 it actually is a little more fun now than like, like literally before I joined this 590 00:38:54.760 --> 00:38:57.440 program, I was like, Lord, I'm, I'm tired. 591 00:38:57.440 --> 00:39:00.120 Like I, I need your help in all of this. 592 00:39:00.120 --> 00:39:04.120 And so since that, I mean, it's just been a different experience on the app. 593 00:39:04.120 --> 00:39:09.200 So just a little encouragement for those that are not wanting to do that. 594 00:39:09.200 --> 00:39:17.200 My question is though, something I've found coming up for me in the dating world is I 595 00:39:17.200 --> 00:39:27.120 find myself wanting to figure out why people are the way they are. 596 00:39:27.120 --> 00:39:30.960 And I'm shifting a little faster now than I used to. 597 00:39:30.960 --> 00:39:33.040 It's something I think I've kind of always struggled with. 598 00:39:33.040 --> 00:39:34.240 I had struggled with it in my marriage. 599 00:39:34.240 --> 00:39:36.440 I'm like, I don't understand why he's like this. 600 00:39:36.680 --> 00:39:38.440 A counselor had said, you never will. 601 00:39:38.440 --> 00:39:42.600 And I was like, Oh, that was really freeing, but I'll still find myself wanting to be like 602 00:39:42.600 --> 00:39:44.360 that office gift where it's Michael. 603 00:39:44.360 --> 00:39:46.200 And he's like, why are you the way that you are? 604 00:39:48.200 --> 00:39:53.320 Or like that whole circus thing of like, let me check out like, you know, the color of their 605 00:39:54.200 --> 00:39:55.000 bra. I don't know. 606 00:39:55.000 --> 00:39:55.800 It's very strange. 607 00:39:55.800 --> 00:39:59.800 So I'm just curious if you have any like input on that, if you've ever struggled with that or. 608 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.360 Well, I think, you know, I don't think it's always necessarily, I mean, do you look at 609 00:40:05.360 --> 00:40:13.160 it as it's unhealthy or do you think that it can be healthy? 610 00:40:13.160 --> 00:40:16.440 I think it could be unhealthy if I got stuck in it. 611 00:40:16.440 --> 00:40:17.440 Yes. 612 00:40:17.440 --> 00:40:18.440 Yeah. 613 00:40:18.440 --> 00:40:23.400 But I would say that it's probably, it's, to me, I think it's a good quality. 614 00:40:23.400 --> 00:40:28.240 You want to learn why people make the choices that they make or act the way that they act 615 00:40:28.240 --> 00:40:29.880 because you want to have connection. 616 00:40:29.880 --> 00:40:33.680 To me, like, that's the thing that I think of, like when you were sharing that, I'm like, 617 00:40:33.680 --> 00:40:38.760 you just desire deep connection with people and there's nothing wrong with that. 618 00:40:38.760 --> 00:40:45.400 I think it's a matter of now, are you, is it coming from a place of frustration because 619 00:40:45.400 --> 00:40:49.480 they're not doing something that you want them to do or act the way that you want them 620 00:40:49.480 --> 00:40:50.480 to act? 621 00:40:50.480 --> 00:40:55.000 If that's the case, then that's when you're going to have to have that heart check in 622 00:40:55.000 --> 00:40:56.040 with yourself. 623 00:40:56.040 --> 00:41:01.560 When you see that kind of coming up and surfacing, you need to kind of check your heart posture. 624 00:41:01.560 --> 00:41:06.480 Like, okay, Lord, you know, this is actually just coming up in my spirit that I, I think 625 00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:10.120 I shared it last week and I'm going to share it or maybe I think I might've done it on 626 00:41:10.120 --> 00:41:12.400 my one-on-one call. 627 00:41:12.400 --> 00:41:18.040 Ladies, it's really important to start asking God good questions. 628 00:41:18.040 --> 00:41:20.960 When things come up, like start asking him good questions. 629 00:41:20.960 --> 00:41:23.600 Okay, Lord, show me where this is rooted in. 630 00:41:23.600 --> 00:41:28.800 You know, help me see like, what memories do you have for me? 631 00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:30.520 What's, what's coming to service? 632 00:41:30.520 --> 00:41:36.360 What is it that I'm believing about this, you know, feeling or concern or, you know, 633 00:41:36.360 --> 00:41:43.040 my curiosity is this coming from a place of, you know, a good heart posture or is it coming 634 00:41:43.040 --> 00:41:51.360 from a place of wanting control or, um, needing to know so that they, I can, you know, manipulate 635 00:41:51.360 --> 00:41:52.360 them, whatever it is. 636 00:41:52.360 --> 00:41:58.640 And I'm not showing your cases, but I think when you seeing that, when you see that surface, 637 00:41:58.640 --> 00:42:02.920 be open to asking yourself, why is it there? 638 00:42:02.920 --> 00:42:12.480 Does that, it doesn't, it is a genuine, like, I'm just a very, like, I love to know why 639 00:42:12.480 --> 00:42:13.480 people are wired. 640 00:42:13.480 --> 00:42:16.080 I mean, I'm very passionate about health in all forms. 641 00:42:16.080 --> 00:42:17.080 It used to be physical. 642 00:42:17.080 --> 00:42:18.080 Now it's mental, emotional. 643 00:42:18.080 --> 00:42:20.840 And I'm like, it's so intriguing to me. 644 00:42:20.840 --> 00:42:27.160 So it comes from a curiosity place, not a, what is wrong with you and why are you not, 645 00:42:27.160 --> 00:42:29.920 you know, it's just kind of like, interesting. 646 00:42:29.920 --> 00:42:32.840 I want to learn a little bit more about that, but you don't want to learn more about it 647 00:42:32.840 --> 00:42:33.840 if they're red flags. 648 00:42:33.840 --> 00:42:34.840 Yes, exactly. 649 00:42:34.840 --> 00:42:37.080 So that's, that's what I'm saying. 650 00:42:37.080 --> 00:42:42.240 Like to me, when you said it, I'm thinking, well, this is coming from a place of just 651 00:42:42.240 --> 00:42:43.600 wanting deep connection. 652 00:42:43.600 --> 00:42:44.600 Yeah. 653 00:42:44.600 --> 00:42:45.600 Okay. 654 00:42:45.600 --> 00:42:46.600 Really wanting to connect with people. 655 00:42:46.760 --> 00:42:53.480 And I don't think that there's anything wrong with it where I will caution you is what stage 656 00:42:53.480 --> 00:42:58.480 of dating are you in and what questions are you asking a person? 657 00:42:58.480 --> 00:43:04.000 Like you don't want to deep dive with someone on a first date, second date. 658 00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:05.000 Okay. 659 00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:06.000 Right. 660 00:43:06.000 --> 00:43:08.040 You know, you might put those types of things in the backyard. 661 00:43:08.040 --> 00:43:13.200 I'm like, I wonder why they said it that way, or I wonder why they did this instead of this. 662 00:43:13.200 --> 00:43:18.560 And those are things like, again, like my husband has opened my eyes to asking more 663 00:43:18.560 --> 00:43:21.920 questions and he always encourages me. 664 00:43:21.920 --> 00:43:26.480 He's like, you know, cause again, I sometimes will go to him for the male perspective of 665 00:43:26.480 --> 00:43:27.480 things. 666 00:43:27.480 --> 00:43:28.480 Okay. 667 00:43:28.480 --> 00:43:34.400 And he's like, Carla, what women need to understand is that they just need to ask men questions. 668 00:43:34.400 --> 00:43:41.320 A lot of times, like I will think he responded a certain way because of something completely 669 00:43:41.320 --> 00:43:43.400 different. 670 00:43:43.400 --> 00:43:48.640 And when I share it with him, he's like, that's not at all what was going on in my head, Carla. 671 00:43:48.640 --> 00:43:52.680 That's not why I said that, or it's not what did the hat. 672 00:43:52.680 --> 00:43:54.840 And I'm like, huh? 673 00:43:54.840 --> 00:43:55.840 Because he's a man. 674 00:43:55.840 --> 00:43:56.840 They're wired differently. 675 00:43:56.840 --> 00:44:01.440 I have the pink headphones and they have the blue headphones. 676 00:44:01.440 --> 00:44:03.720 Have you read that book before? 677 00:44:03.720 --> 00:44:04.720 No. 678 00:44:04.720 --> 00:44:08.160 I just want, that's why I chuckled when you said it made me think about that. 679 00:44:08.160 --> 00:44:10.760 The whole blue and pink headphones on. 680 00:44:11.200 --> 00:44:15.640 So yeah, I would, I would look at it as more as like you just desire deep connection, you 681 00:44:15.640 --> 00:44:20.000 know, God's just showing that you desire deep connection and yeah, just be mindful of, you 682 00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:22.760 know, and asking those good questions of when things surface. 683 00:44:22.760 --> 00:44:26.760 And like you said, if you see some ladies, you're going to see yellow flags. 684 00:44:26.760 --> 00:44:27.760 Yeah. 685 00:44:27.760 --> 00:44:32.680 And you're going to wonder why they act that way or do that and whatever. 686 00:44:32.680 --> 00:44:35.960 Yellow flags are not a reason to cut and run. 687 00:44:35.960 --> 00:44:37.760 All right. 688 00:44:38.760 --> 00:44:39.760 We'll help you. 689 00:44:39.760 --> 00:44:42.080 We'll help you figure out what those red flags are. 690 00:44:42.080 --> 00:44:45.120 If you've got some, if you have a yellow flag, bring it, bring it to our attention and we're 691 00:44:45.120 --> 00:44:48.080 going to be like, okay, yeah, that's a yellow flag. 692 00:44:48.080 --> 00:44:53.960 Just pace yourself, be mindful of things, see how they're responding. 693 00:44:53.960 --> 00:44:56.080 Are they respecting boundaries? 694 00:44:56.080 --> 00:44:58.320 Are they communicating well? 695 00:44:58.320 --> 00:44:59.800 Are they open? 696 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.320 have an open heart, all sorts of things, okay? 697 00:45:03.320 --> 00:45:05.160 So just keep that in mind. 698 00:45:05.160 --> 00:45:06.160 Thanks, I appreciate that. 699 00:45:06.160 --> 00:45:07.520 Awesome, thanks for your question, Sarah. 700 00:45:07.520 --> 00:45:08.640 I appreciate you. 701 00:45:08.640 --> 00:45:09.480 You're welcome. 702 00:45:09.480 --> 00:45:10.300 All right, I had a bunch, 703 00:45:10.300 --> 00:45:11.600 did I have a lot of people jump off 704 00:45:11.600 --> 00:45:15.440 or I feel like I had way more hands 705 00:45:15.440 --> 00:45:17.460 and now they're gone. 706 00:45:17.460 --> 00:45:19.480 Maybe I answered your question. 707 00:45:19.480 --> 00:45:21.220 Maybe I didn't, I don't know. 708 00:45:22.200 --> 00:45:26.000 Okay, Stephanie, is this my Stephanie from, 709 00:45:26.000 --> 00:45:27.340 is this my Stephanie? 710 00:45:27.340 --> 00:45:28.760 Yeah, this is your Stephanie. 711 00:45:28.760 --> 00:45:29.600 Okay. 712 00:45:30.140 --> 00:45:31.260 Thank you. 713 00:45:31.260 --> 00:45:33.220 My earring, Stephanie. 714 00:45:33.220 --> 00:45:35.460 Yes, yeah, yeah. 715 00:45:35.460 --> 00:45:36.500 So guess what? 716 00:45:36.500 --> 00:45:40.100 I have my first date tomorrow. 717 00:45:42.100 --> 00:45:44.180 Yeah, I'm super nervous. 718 00:45:44.180 --> 00:45:47.260 So I have a couple of questions. 719 00:45:48.880 --> 00:45:52.740 Okay, so he told me that he is a cheapo, very cheapo. 720 00:45:55.100 --> 00:45:58.180 And he says, he is a cheapo, he says he's very frugal. 721 00:45:58.200 --> 00:46:00.100 He shopped at the thrift store and all that stuff. 722 00:46:00.100 --> 00:46:03.720 So he mentioned that when he's coming tomorrow, 723 00:46:03.720 --> 00:46:06.140 so he's like an hour and a half away from me. 724 00:46:06.140 --> 00:46:07.440 So when he's coming tomorrow, 725 00:46:07.440 --> 00:46:10.480 he said he's gonna see if he can pick up a, 726 00:46:10.480 --> 00:46:13.380 cause he does DoorDash. 727 00:46:13.380 --> 00:46:16.360 If he's gonna see if he can pick up a DoorDash thing. 728 00:46:16.360 --> 00:46:19.480 So I was like, okay, I sound a little funny about it. 729 00:46:19.480 --> 00:46:20.320 And then I was like, okay, 730 00:46:20.320 --> 00:46:22.880 probably I'm just a little nervous about that. 731 00:46:22.880 --> 00:46:27.880 And then he mentioned about, 732 00:46:29.180 --> 00:46:33.560 you know, sex came up. 733 00:46:33.560 --> 00:46:34.880 I know it should have done, 734 00:46:34.880 --> 00:46:39.880 but I make sure I told him that I personally, 735 00:46:41.920 --> 00:46:45.800 I wanna wait until marriage before that came up, 736 00:46:45.800 --> 00:46:46.640 anything like that. 737 00:46:46.640 --> 00:46:48.480 So, you know, I told him we're dating for discovery. 738 00:46:48.480 --> 00:46:51.780 So just to see if we like each other and anything like that. 739 00:46:51.780 --> 00:46:53.400 And, you know, he was fine with that. 740 00:46:53.400 --> 00:46:54.720 He planned a very good date. 741 00:46:54.720 --> 00:46:55.560 I thought it was a good day, 742 00:46:55.560 --> 00:47:00.560 but I chose to do one because I didn't wanna leave 743 00:47:01.100 --> 00:47:03.980 and go somewhere else cause I didn't know him. 744 00:47:03.980 --> 00:47:06.020 And then he asked me what type of car I drive. 745 00:47:06.020 --> 00:47:10.740 So in my head, I think I watched too much 48 hours. 746 00:47:10.740 --> 00:47:13.380 In my head, I was like, what is this? 747 00:47:13.380 --> 00:47:16.700 I'm like, you know, my son, my son is only 18. 748 00:47:16.700 --> 00:47:19.260 So he was in the car when I was talking about it. 749 00:47:19.260 --> 00:47:21.900 And he was like, you know, you didn't tell me, 750 00:47:21.900 --> 00:47:23.160 you should let me know. 751 00:47:23.160 --> 00:47:24.620 So my son is actually the person 752 00:47:24.640 --> 00:47:26.920 who picked the place I should go, 753 00:47:26.920 --> 00:47:28.640 but then I couldn't go there anymore 754 00:47:28.640 --> 00:47:30.840 because he's allergic to cheese. 755 00:47:30.840 --> 00:47:34.280 So we're gonna go to the dinosaur barbecue place. 756 00:47:34.280 --> 00:47:35.920 And we said, we can sit there. 757 00:47:35.920 --> 00:47:37.280 The only thing about it is that 758 00:47:37.280 --> 00:47:39.880 because there's not a lot of place to park. 759 00:47:39.880 --> 00:47:42.240 So I wanted to park somewhere far away 760 00:47:42.240 --> 00:47:44.440 where I could have walked, but where it is, 761 00:47:44.440 --> 00:47:46.360 it's kind of a little bit challenging. 762 00:47:46.360 --> 00:47:48.760 So I was trying to figure should my son drop me 763 00:47:48.760 --> 00:47:53.440 or should, you know, I drive my own car, you know? 764 00:47:53.440 --> 00:47:54.340 So those are the things. 765 00:47:55.020 --> 00:47:56.320 I just wanna make sure that I'm safe. 766 00:47:56.320 --> 00:47:58.320 I don't have, when you talk about a community, 767 00:47:58.320 --> 00:47:59.560 I don't have a community here. 768 00:47:59.560 --> 00:48:02.080 So it was a little bit, you know, yeah. 769 00:48:02.080 --> 00:48:03.720 Okay, a ton of questions. 770 00:48:03.720 --> 00:48:05.240 Got it, got it, okay. 771 00:48:06.340 --> 00:48:08.800 What time of the day are you meeting him? 772 00:48:08.800 --> 00:48:10.560 Tomorrow at 1 p.m. 773 00:48:10.560 --> 00:48:12.840 Okay, so it's daytime and you're going somewhere 774 00:48:12.840 --> 00:48:14.200 where there's lots of people. 775 00:48:14.200 --> 00:48:15.040 Tons of people. 776 00:48:15.040 --> 00:48:17.100 So I said I was gonna get there half an hour before, 777 00:48:17.100 --> 00:48:18.680 see if he can speak to one of the waitress, 778 00:48:18.680 --> 00:48:22.680 like what you said, if it's like as a bar and let them know. 779 00:48:22.680 --> 00:48:25.020 So I make sure I pee before I go to the dates. 780 00:48:25.020 --> 00:48:26.900 I don't have to get up to pee at all 781 00:48:26.900 --> 00:48:28.580 or use the bathroom, do anything. 782 00:48:28.580 --> 00:48:30.620 So those are some of the stuff I said I would do. 783 00:48:30.620 --> 00:48:31.980 Yeah, that's good, that's good. 784 00:48:31.980 --> 00:48:33.740 If you can arrive 30 minutes prior, 785 00:48:33.740 --> 00:48:35.460 I think you're fine to drive. 786 00:48:35.460 --> 00:48:37.980 I mean, are you saying that the parking is far, 787 00:48:37.980 --> 00:48:39.740 that you have to walk to your car, or is there- 788 00:48:39.740 --> 00:48:41.900 No, the parking is right there. 789 00:48:41.900 --> 00:48:44.820 So you will see, you know, I wouldn't have an excuse 790 00:48:44.820 --> 00:48:46.500 to say why I'm staying in the restaurant 791 00:48:46.500 --> 00:48:48.500 and wait until he goes. 792 00:48:48.500 --> 00:48:51.600 Because he asked me what type of car I drive. 793 00:48:51.600 --> 00:48:54.680 So that's my only thing I was like, oh my God. 794 00:48:54.680 --> 00:48:56.520 So I was hoping that my- 795 00:48:56.520 --> 00:48:59.780 Again, who knows, again, kind of like Sarah, 796 00:48:59.780 --> 00:49:02.340 like why do people say or do things that say like, 797 00:49:02.340 --> 00:49:05.060 what is the reason to know what kind of car you drive? 798 00:49:05.060 --> 00:49:06.220 I don't know. 799 00:49:06.220 --> 00:49:08.100 I mean, it could be just innocent. 800 00:49:08.100 --> 00:49:09.780 It could be weird. 801 00:49:09.780 --> 00:49:12.540 I don't know, it could be whatever. 802 00:49:12.540 --> 00:49:14.000 I don't think that there's anything wrong 803 00:49:14.000 --> 00:49:15.940 with you driving yourself. 804 00:49:15.940 --> 00:49:17.940 I typically prefer to drive myself 805 00:49:17.940 --> 00:49:19.440 so that I'm not stuck somewhere, 806 00:49:19.440 --> 00:49:21.460 so that in case something gets weird 807 00:49:22.320 --> 00:49:25.480 and I have to leave, I'm not having to stick around 808 00:49:25.480 --> 00:49:28.160 and wait for somebody to come pick me up. 809 00:49:28.160 --> 00:49:31.040 What I will say, and this is something that even I had, 810 00:49:31.040 --> 00:49:34.880 you know, even my therapist was even told me to do, 811 00:49:34.880 --> 00:49:38.880 is when you get in your car and drive away, 812 00:49:38.880 --> 00:49:40.840 like go stop on an errand. 813 00:49:41.720 --> 00:49:42.560 Okay. 814 00:49:42.560 --> 00:49:45.260 Don't drive straight to your house right away. 815 00:49:45.260 --> 00:49:46.100 Okay. 816 00:49:46.100 --> 00:49:48.640 Like go fill up your car with gas, 817 00:49:48.660 --> 00:49:52.460 go, you know, go grab a few things at the grocery store, 818 00:49:53.580 --> 00:49:57.140 do something, maybe go, you know, again, 819 00:49:57.140 --> 00:49:59.740 to a public park and go take a walk somewhere. 820 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.720 but where there's people, okay? 821 00:50:01.720 --> 00:50:05.400 So then that way, you know, again, so that's like, 822 00:50:06.520 --> 00:50:08.840 not just on dates, but I, like, 823 00:50:08.840 --> 00:50:10.120 people told me to do that even, 824 00:50:10.120 --> 00:50:12.920 because I used to sell things on Facebook Marketplace. 825 00:50:13.800 --> 00:50:15.080 And they're like, don't, don't, 826 00:50:15.080 --> 00:50:18.320 why are you driving to meet people? 827 00:50:18.320 --> 00:50:20.240 Or letting people know where you live? 828 00:50:20.240 --> 00:50:21.440 These are complete strangers. 829 00:50:21.440 --> 00:50:23.680 And I was like, I don't know. 830 00:50:23.680 --> 00:50:27.640 So yeah, I think you're completely fine to drive yourself. 831 00:50:27.680 --> 00:50:30.040 As long as it's public, you're, you know, 832 00:50:30.040 --> 00:50:31.600 it's in the middle of the day. 833 00:50:32.640 --> 00:50:34.000 I don't know why he would ask you 834 00:50:34.000 --> 00:50:35.360 what kind of car you drive. 835 00:50:35.360 --> 00:50:37.480 The one thing that came up and I wrote down 836 00:50:37.480 --> 00:50:41.240 is when he shared that he's cheapo and he's frugal, 837 00:50:41.240 --> 00:50:43.600 he probably has a scarcity or poverty mindset. 838 00:50:43.600 --> 00:50:46.240 So to me, so, and again, somebody else was asking, 839 00:50:46.240 --> 00:50:48.440 what's the difference between yellow flags and red flags? 840 00:50:48.440 --> 00:50:50.960 To me, that would be a yellow flag. 841 00:50:52.080 --> 00:50:55.920 If someone's talking about how cheap and frugal they are, 842 00:50:55.920 --> 00:51:00.480 right out the gate, you might start seeing 843 00:51:00.480 --> 00:51:03.400 other tendencies of a scarcity, poverty mindset. 844 00:51:03.400 --> 00:51:05.280 Okay, so just keep that in mind. 845 00:51:05.280 --> 00:51:08.680 Doesn't mean that it's a reason to cut and run, 846 00:51:08.680 --> 00:51:10.960 but it's just things to be mindful in, 847 00:51:10.960 --> 00:51:13.640 especially if it's gonna be someone 848 00:51:13.640 --> 00:51:17.760 that you are gonna be entering marriage, okay? 849 00:51:17.760 --> 00:51:18.600 Okay. 850 00:51:18.600 --> 00:51:20.840 Okay, so Sandy, you say that's a red flag. 851 00:51:20.840 --> 00:51:22.720 Truth be told, ladies, I'm frugal. 852 00:51:23.640 --> 00:51:24.680 I'm a cheapo. 853 00:51:26.760 --> 00:51:28.080 All right? 854 00:51:28.080 --> 00:51:31.000 It doesn't always have to be a red flag, okay? 855 00:51:31.000 --> 00:51:34.480 I sometimes do struggle with the scarcity, poverty mindset. 856 00:51:34.480 --> 00:51:35.760 That's something that came up to me 857 00:51:35.760 --> 00:51:39.720 when I was in this community and I was dating, okay? 858 00:51:39.720 --> 00:51:44.440 But where those yellow flags can turn green 859 00:51:45.280 --> 00:51:49.080 is how do they operate? 860 00:51:49.080 --> 00:51:51.040 How do they, 861 00:51:51.480 --> 00:51:56.480 are they open to looking and working on that, okay? 862 00:51:56.960 --> 00:51:59.120 So I'm very frugal, okay? 863 00:51:59.120 --> 00:52:01.080 I don't like to spend a lot of money. 864 00:52:01.080 --> 00:52:02.680 I'm the one that freaked out 865 00:52:02.680 --> 00:52:05.360 when we found ourself in debt. 866 00:52:05.360 --> 00:52:08.200 I freak out about going out to nice restaurants. 867 00:52:08.200 --> 00:52:11.440 My husband is a spender, y'all. 868 00:52:11.440 --> 00:52:13.320 He just likes to spend money. 869 00:52:13.320 --> 00:52:16.200 He's the spender, I'm the saver. 870 00:52:16.200 --> 00:52:18.240 If anybody's ever done the Dave Ramsey, 871 00:52:18.240 --> 00:52:20.360 you know what I'm talking about, okay? 872 00:52:20.360 --> 00:52:22.600 I'm the one that has the budget. 873 00:52:22.600 --> 00:52:25.400 I've got it all written out, calculated up, everything. 874 00:52:25.400 --> 00:52:27.400 I'm sitting there figuring out 875 00:52:27.400 --> 00:52:29.400 how much did we spend on groceries this month? 876 00:52:29.400 --> 00:52:33.080 How much have we spent on going out to eat? 877 00:52:33.080 --> 00:52:36.640 So what happens is that my husband and I 878 00:52:36.640 --> 00:52:38.480 kind of balance each other in this area. 879 00:52:38.480 --> 00:52:43.480 But I'm very open to, look, as frugal as I am, 880 00:52:43.760 --> 00:52:45.440 I have a plan. 881 00:52:45.440 --> 00:52:47.400 I'm not staying in this, 882 00:52:48.400 --> 00:52:51.240 I'm not, sometimes people are cheap 883 00:52:51.240 --> 00:52:54.560 because maybe they just, they have a lot of debt. 884 00:52:54.560 --> 00:52:56.440 And right now they're trying to get themselves out of debt. 885 00:52:56.440 --> 00:52:59.680 So again, this is to me is more of a yellow flag. 886 00:52:59.680 --> 00:53:01.680 And as you get to know him more now, 887 00:53:01.680 --> 00:53:04.320 if he is not going to be willing to want to 888 00:53:05.320 --> 00:53:08.200 treat you places and be able to, 889 00:53:08.200 --> 00:53:09.040 I mean, it doesn't mean 890 00:53:09.040 --> 00:53:10.520 that you have to go to fancy restaurants. 891 00:53:10.520 --> 00:53:11.880 It doesn't mean that you have to do, 892 00:53:11.880 --> 00:53:14.200 he has to buy you these extravagant gifts. 893 00:53:14.240 --> 00:53:18.040 But is he willing to utilize some of his resources 894 00:53:18.040 --> 00:53:22.160 to help, to spend time with you? 895 00:53:22.160 --> 00:53:24.480 Is he going to offer to pay for dinner 896 00:53:24.480 --> 00:53:27.640 and maybe take you for ice cream or grab your coffee? 897 00:53:29.080 --> 00:53:31.680 Or this is where, so if he's willing 898 00:53:31.680 --> 00:53:33.160 and he's showing that he's doing that, 899 00:53:33.160 --> 00:53:37.040 I think it's interesting that he's doing a door dash. 900 00:53:37.040 --> 00:53:39.480 So he's willing to come drive to you, 901 00:53:39.480 --> 00:53:40.760 but he also knows, okay, 902 00:53:40.760 --> 00:53:42.400 this is gonna be a bit of an expense. 903 00:53:42.400 --> 00:53:44.440 So I'm gonna need to compensate 904 00:53:44.440 --> 00:53:46.680 and maybe make a little money. 905 00:53:46.680 --> 00:53:47.840 If I'm going down that way, 906 00:53:47.840 --> 00:53:50.240 maybe I can pick up a door dash 907 00:53:50.240 --> 00:53:52.920 and an order and make a little extra money 908 00:53:52.920 --> 00:53:54.480 because it's gonna cost me a little extra money 909 00:53:54.480 --> 00:53:56.040 to go down and get gas. 910 00:53:56.040 --> 00:53:57.560 I mean, that's kind of my thought process. 911 00:53:57.560 --> 00:54:00.520 I'm like, okay, that could be like, 912 00:54:00.520 --> 00:54:02.320 this is where it's turning a little green, 913 00:54:02.320 --> 00:54:06.240 where it can turn red is if he expects you 914 00:54:06.240 --> 00:54:10.440 to take care of all the expenses. 915 00:54:10.440 --> 00:54:12.240 Where if you start spending time with him 916 00:54:13.080 --> 00:54:15.360 and he wants you to pay for them. 917 00:54:15.360 --> 00:54:16.400 I offered to pay him 918 00:54:16.400 --> 00:54:18.000 because he was talking about being cheap. 919 00:54:18.000 --> 00:54:21.440 I told him I'm okay paying for my own meal 920 00:54:21.440 --> 00:54:25.400 because he was, and he said, it's absolutely okay. 921 00:54:25.400 --> 00:54:26.720 It's up to me what I wanna do, 922 00:54:26.720 --> 00:54:31.120 but he didn't say yes or no, because I don't know. 923 00:54:31.120 --> 00:54:36.120 I have, I'm very scared because my ex-husband was a spender 924 00:54:37.360 --> 00:54:40.880 and he was just, and left me in a financial ruin. 925 00:54:40.920 --> 00:54:44.160 So every time I hear that, I don't know if it's a trigger. 926 00:54:44.160 --> 00:54:46.000 I'm not saying, he's a great guy, 927 00:54:46.000 --> 00:54:47.400 respect my boundaries and everything, 928 00:54:47.400 --> 00:54:52.160 but I'm so, that is what is my biggest scare right now. 929 00:54:52.160 --> 00:54:54.680 I'm not saying I'm gonna marry the guy, 930 00:54:54.680 --> 00:54:56.280 but I'm just saying those are the things 931 00:54:56.280 --> 00:54:58.920 that really scares me when I hear it. 932 00:54:58.920 --> 00:55:00.120 Yeah, so those are the. 933 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.680 I'm saying these are gonna be things that for you just to keep an eye on and and you know 934 00:55:03.680 --> 00:55:08.000 I want to encourage you let him take the lead on whether or not he pays or not 935 00:55:09.280 --> 00:55:14.900 You know if he's just saying hey, look, I'm kind of frugal. I'm a little bit of a teapot, you know again 936 00:55:14.900 --> 00:55:19.840 We don't know why he said that maybe it's because he's you know women have you know 937 00:55:21.400 --> 00:55:23.480 Complained to him about it. Who knows 938 00:55:23.480 --> 00:55:29.280 But allow him to step into that he can be cheap, but is he willing to invest some time and money 939 00:55:30.920 --> 00:55:36.640 Ladies I really I'm a firm believer and I know Jackie's a firm believer. Let men pay for the dates 940 00:55:38.240 --> 00:55:40.000 Let them pay 941 00:55:40.000 --> 00:55:41.400 Okay 942 00:55:41.400 --> 00:55:45.960 Doesn't mean that they have to always and it doesn't mean we expect them to okay like 943 00:55:46.720 --> 00:55:52.240 Let them pay if it gets weird and they're and they're initiating. Oh, we're gonna sell the house 944 00:55:52.240 --> 00:55:54.240 Initiating. Oh, we're gonna separate check 945 00:55:54.600 --> 00:56:00.280 Don't just that's your first date. You see? Okay, they're not willing to split the bill. That's fine 946 00:56:00.280 --> 00:56:06.360 Go in with it with the idea that okay, I may have to pay but I'm gonna allow the man to lead and pay 947 00:56:08.640 --> 00:56:10.640 Does that make sense 948 00:56:13.840 --> 00:56:17.040 Ready get it good. Okay. Yeah, so 949 00:56:17.800 --> 00:56:19.800 Stephanie 950 00:56:19.960 --> 00:56:25.760 Let him take the lead on that. Okay, if he brings it up just be like look if you know 951 00:56:26.640 --> 00:56:28.380 Let him decide 952 00:56:28.380 --> 00:56:30.160 Let him be the one to decide 953 00:56:30.160 --> 00:56:36.040 Those are things to keep an eye out on him about you know, if does he have a scarcity poverty mindset? 954 00:56:36.040 --> 00:56:42.480 Is he working towards something and again, this is a first date. You're not gonna know his finances. You shouldn't 955 00:56:43.480 --> 00:56:45.240 It's level two 956 00:56:45.240 --> 00:56:48.920 Actually, it's level one right now level two will be tomorrow when you go on a date 957 00:56:50.440 --> 00:56:54.960 So you're not gonna know why he is the way that he is right now 958 00:56:55.360 --> 00:56:59.520 You don't know why he is cheap and frugal, right? I 959 00:57:00.400 --> 00:57:06.240 Know why I am it's because I you know, my parents we didn't come from money like we struggled 960 00:57:06.680 --> 00:57:13.440 And so I know that sometimes that's where I get fearful because I remember what it was like being a kid that didn't have a 961 00:57:13.440 --> 00:57:20.440 Lot of money that felt like I was always without that. You know, we were never keeping up with the Joneses, you know 962 00:57:20.440 --> 00:57:26.420 And so that's kind of where my stuff comes from. So then I get really nervous that when you know 963 00:57:27.080 --> 00:57:33.260 We got this debt and I'm like, okay like I we can't spend we can't do anything. My husband's like we 964 00:57:33.960 --> 00:57:37.200 We're allowed to go out and enjoy a meal with our kids 965 00:57:37.200 --> 00:57:43.880 Okay, Sandy so it's not that that the frugal part it's the telling a stranger before the date that you're gonna be cheap 966 00:57:43.880 --> 00:57:49.720 Yes that I can understand. That's a little bit of a turn-off. All right, so I'm sure Stephanie you're probably like 967 00:57:51.440 --> 00:57:54.480 No one wants to be told like I'm cheap 968 00:57:54.480 --> 00:57:59.880 I'm not gonna spend any money on you. Not that it's out men needing to spend money on you, but I 969 00:58:00.520 --> 00:58:02.520 Totally get that. Um 970 00:58:02.760 --> 00:58:08.360 Keep in mind the whole sex because that if sex got brought up just keep that in mind 971 00:58:09.120 --> 00:58:11.120 Try not to allow that to 972 00:58:12.240 --> 00:58:18.520 Get brought up again. I think she jumped off or no. She's she's still here with me. Okay, um 973 00:58:19.400 --> 00:58:26.200 Who's next I keep seeing I keep seeing like a bunch of hands and then they all of a sudden go to the bathroom 974 00:58:26.200 --> 00:58:28.200 I don't know. I don't know. I don't know 975 00:58:28.400 --> 00:58:35.000 Keep seeing like a bunch of hands and then they all of a sudden go down and then there was somebody else that was asking 976 00:58:35.000 --> 00:58:38.000 about yellow flags and red flags, so 977 00:58:39.880 --> 00:58:45.040 Do you can you be more specific on like what do you mean like what's a red flag and what's a yellow flag for some 978 00:58:45.040 --> 00:58:46.960 Reason, I cannot scroll up 979 00:58:46.960 --> 00:58:49.320 That's me chat. Okay 980 00:58:50.400 --> 00:58:55.800 Hi, I just I just this is my first session in this phase and I joined late. So I'm I apologize 981 00:58:56.120 --> 00:59:01.400 I'm glad to have you. Thank you. I'm just I'm just curious on the difference between 982 00:59:03.000 --> 00:59:09.440 Labeling what is not a red flag as not a red flag because I mean, I'm also overtly cautious 983 00:59:10.000 --> 00:59:15.260 Okay, and so like it's just good to know like what is something that you know 984 00:59:15.260 --> 00:59:18.240 We can be open to and just more broadly 985 00:59:19.200 --> 00:59:23.080 So that's gonna be so what would you think is a red flag? 986 00:59:23.200 --> 00:59:25.200 Would you be cautious about 987 00:59:26.640 --> 00:59:32.160 I think in the same example that you talked about about poverty mindset. I 988 00:59:32.800 --> 00:59:34.280 think someone 989 00:59:34.280 --> 00:59:37.400 Making you pay for your meal 990 00:59:37.960 --> 00:59:42.600 in this context, maybe if you've not like if you're not talked that through or 991 00:59:45.080 --> 00:59:49.560 Somebody having unresolved history with their ex 992 00:59:49.560 --> 00:59:55.640 Okay, and coming into a relationship with baguette so if they say that oh like I don't trust anyone 993 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.040 things like that. 994 01:00:03.040 --> 01:00:06.680 Like I mean, when I, I mean, I haven't dated for a while, 995 01:00:06.680 --> 01:00:09.560 but when I was on the sites, I would tell them, 996 01:00:09.560 --> 01:00:11.920 hey, I don't have too much experience with dating. 997 01:00:11.920 --> 01:00:13.960 So sometimes if I ask a question, 998 01:00:13.960 --> 01:00:18.480 like don't judge me for like where I'm asking that question 999 01:00:18.480 --> 01:00:21.200 because I just don't know, I'm just asking. 1000 01:00:21.200 --> 01:00:26.200 And I think sometimes people like assume things about you 1001 01:00:26.520 --> 01:00:30.280 without giving you the space to provide an explanation. 1002 01:00:30.280 --> 01:00:32.600 Like for me, that's a red flag 1003 01:00:32.600 --> 01:00:34.160 because if you jump to a conclusion 1004 01:00:34.160 --> 01:00:36.000 and you make assumptions about people, 1005 01:00:36.000 --> 01:00:37.440 then like that's a behavior thing. 1006 01:00:37.440 --> 01:00:41.160 It's not like it could keep resurfacing, 1007 01:00:41.160 --> 01:00:43.160 but yeah, like I don't, honestly, 1008 01:00:43.160 --> 01:00:44.200 I don't know the difference 1009 01:00:44.200 --> 01:00:46.160 between yellow flag and red flag. 1010 01:00:46.160 --> 01:00:47.280 What's going to be important for you 1011 01:00:47.280 --> 01:00:49.760 is that when things come up and that you feel like, 1012 01:00:49.760 --> 01:00:52.840 okay, this is, I don't like this and I'm going to take off, 1013 01:00:52.840 --> 01:00:55.840 you're going to want to express that to us in the community 1014 01:00:56.480 --> 01:00:58.560 and we're going to be able to kind of help you navigate that. 1015 01:00:58.560 --> 01:01:00.520 So the couple of things that you brought up, 1016 01:01:00.520 --> 01:01:02.240 like if you're on a first date 1017 01:01:02.240 --> 01:01:04.560 and a guy makes you pay for your meal, 1018 01:01:04.560 --> 01:01:06.040 that would be more of a yellow flag. 1019 01:01:06.040 --> 01:01:07.520 I get it's a turnoff, ladies. 1020 01:01:07.520 --> 01:01:09.320 I totally do, okay? 1021 01:01:09.320 --> 01:01:13.720 But again, are they maybe just being cautious themselves? 1022 01:01:13.720 --> 01:01:16.240 There's a lot of reasons why guys 1023 01:01:16.240 --> 01:01:20.000 tend to allow women to pay for themselves. 1024 01:01:20.000 --> 01:01:22.240 There's a couple of reasons, okay? 1025 01:01:22.240 --> 01:01:24.400 These are some of the ones that come off the top of my head. 1026 01:01:24.400 --> 01:01:28.520 One, yeah, because the guy is weird about that 1027 01:01:28.520 --> 01:01:31.360 and wants women to pay for themselves, okay? 1028 01:01:31.360 --> 01:01:34.480 So he might, that might be his attitude 1029 01:01:34.480 --> 01:01:36.880 and at that point you're going to discover, 1030 01:01:36.880 --> 01:01:39.600 you're going to discover that in other areas 1031 01:01:39.600 --> 01:01:41.560 that will surface. 1032 01:01:41.560 --> 01:01:46.160 It's not just going to be him making you pay for your meal. 1033 01:01:46.160 --> 01:01:51.160 You'll see that type of belief come up in other areas, okay? 1034 01:01:51.760 --> 01:01:53.120 So if it's really truly that, 1035 01:01:53.120 --> 01:01:55.800 you're going to see it on how he treats women, 1036 01:01:55.800 --> 01:01:59.920 how he talks about women, you'll see that, okay? 1037 01:01:59.920 --> 01:02:03.160 But again, I wouldn't say a first date 1038 01:02:03.160 --> 01:02:06.960 if someone's making you pay that that's a red flag. 1039 01:02:06.960 --> 01:02:09.680 I mean, when I see hesitation from people, 1040 01:02:09.680 --> 01:02:11.160 I just offer to split, right? 1041 01:02:11.160 --> 01:02:14.680 Like I don't wait because I'm like either you know it 1042 01:02:14.680 --> 01:02:15.840 or you're hesitating. 1043 01:02:15.840 --> 01:02:19.200 I would even encourage you to let the man pick it up. 1044 01:02:19.200 --> 01:02:21.280 Don't even ask. 1045 01:02:21.280 --> 01:02:24.480 If you see them hesitate, just let them sit with it. 1046 01:02:25.680 --> 01:02:26.840 Let them sit with it. 1047 01:02:26.840 --> 01:02:28.120 Because, and here's the thing, 1048 01:02:28.120 --> 01:02:30.920 and if it goes on for like five or 10 minutes, 1049 01:02:30.920 --> 01:02:33.200 then you can maybe, you know, set your card out 1050 01:02:33.200 --> 01:02:35.560 or something like here, I can cover half, whatever. 1051 01:02:35.560 --> 01:02:37.320 If there is a stalling, 1052 01:02:37.320 --> 01:02:41.080 but let it sit there for five or 10 minutes. 1053 01:02:41.080 --> 01:02:42.200 It's totally fine. 1054 01:02:43.360 --> 01:02:47.000 Another reason that guys do that is because y'all, 1055 01:02:47.000 --> 01:02:52.000 we live in a very toxic feminine society, all right? 1056 01:02:53.640 --> 01:02:58.040 There is an attack on the masculine in our society. 1057 01:02:58.040 --> 01:03:02.440 And so we've made it very difficult at times 1058 01:03:02.440 --> 01:03:05.000 for men to step into their masculinity 1059 01:03:05.000 --> 01:03:06.640 because we need to be empowered. 1060 01:03:06.640 --> 01:03:08.880 And I'm not saying that there was not a reason, 1061 01:03:08.880 --> 01:03:13.880 like a place for women to have equal rights 1062 01:03:14.880 --> 01:03:15.880 and all those things. 1063 01:03:15.880 --> 01:03:19.280 There was a purpose for that, 100%, okay? 1064 01:03:19.280 --> 01:03:24.280 God doesn't want his daughters being treated poorly, 100%. 1065 01:03:24.560 --> 01:03:25.600 Okay? 1066 01:03:25.600 --> 01:03:29.120 But what we've had happen is that, you know, 1067 01:03:29.120 --> 01:03:33.040 you have this feminist-like mindset, 1068 01:03:34.080 --> 01:03:39.080 but the toxic feminine mindset crushes the masculine. 1069 01:03:40.600 --> 01:03:42.760 And that's not the way it should look. 1070 01:03:43.560 --> 01:03:47.560 It should be, we need men as much as men need women. 1071 01:03:49.400 --> 01:03:54.480 That's why God created a woman, right? 1072 01:03:54.480 --> 01:03:55.800 He's looking at Adam like, 1073 01:03:55.800 --> 01:03:57.440 something's not right, he needs a companion, 1074 01:03:57.440 --> 01:04:00.440 but I'm gonna pull part of myself out of him 1075 01:04:00.440 --> 01:04:03.120 and create women so that they can be one. 1076 01:04:03.120 --> 01:04:05.040 We need each other. 1077 01:04:05.040 --> 01:04:09.360 That's why marriage is God's divine plan, right? 1078 01:04:10.360 --> 01:04:15.360 So unfortunately, we live on the earth, 1079 01:04:16.720 --> 01:04:19.480 it's, you know, we live in sin, all right? 1080 01:04:20.720 --> 01:04:24.600 And we've crushed the masculinity. 1081 01:04:24.600 --> 01:04:26.240 So sometimes men are like, I don't know, 1082 01:04:26.240 --> 01:04:29.000 I don't want her to bite my head off if I offer her to paper. 1083 01:04:29.000 --> 01:04:31.120 Maybe she's such an independent woman. 1084 01:04:31.120 --> 01:04:32.400 We don't know that. 1085 01:04:32.400 --> 01:04:34.920 So again, those are things that are a yellow flag. 1086 01:04:34.920 --> 01:04:38.120 Now, if you recognize he's constantly like, 1087 01:04:38.440 --> 01:04:42.440 not wanting to provide, you know, 1088 01:04:42.440 --> 01:04:45.080 pay for a meal every now and then, 1089 01:04:45.080 --> 01:04:48.480 like that would be, you know, 1090 01:04:48.480 --> 01:04:52.240 okay, the man doesn't have his finances in order, okay? 1091 01:04:52.240 --> 01:04:54.360 At that point, he shouldn't really be dating. 1092 01:04:54.360 --> 01:04:55.880 There's a lot of men out there 1093 01:04:55.880 --> 01:04:57.280 that have gotten burned by women 1094 01:04:57.280 --> 01:05:00.480 taking advantage of the fact that they've been married. 1095 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.240 pay. I've seen that where women will go and order the most expensive thing on the meal 1096 01:05:06.240 --> 01:05:14.080 and expect this and like rack up the bill and just be very self-centered and like the men are like 1097 01:05:14.960 --> 01:05:20.880 tired. You know like think about it ladies if you're if you know if we're dating and we're 1098 01:05:20.880 --> 01:05:23.920 let's say we're you know we're trying to get out on dates and we're trying to go on at least like 1099 01:05:23.920 --> 01:05:28.880 one date a week and you're going I mean nowadays like me and my husband can't even get out of a 1100 01:05:28.880 --> 01:05:34.800 restaurant for like under a hundred dollars a lot of times. You think about an appetizer a meal 1101 01:05:34.800 --> 01:05:41.280 you know grabbing an iced tea even iced teas are like five bucks you know and so you think 1102 01:05:41.280 --> 01:05:47.920 about that that man is throwing down four hundred dollars a month. It gets expensive 1103 01:05:49.200 --> 01:05:56.400 okay that's why I like Jackie even coaches don't go to the expensive restaurants for a first date 1104 01:05:56.400 --> 01:06:03.200 so you don't feel obligated all right doesn't mean that it is a hard rule. My husband broke that 1105 01:06:03.200 --> 01:06:08.560 rule our first date was a really nice restaurant and I was not aware of it and I went into it. I 1106 01:06:08.560 --> 01:06:16.160 mean I obviously dressed really nice but I was like oh wow this is a lot more expensive than 1107 01:06:16.160 --> 01:06:24.240 I thought you know but it really it really is there to kind of help cushion you a little bit 1108 01:06:24.240 --> 01:06:30.720 okay just hope hopefully that helps so again I know like we could we could go on and on and on 1109 01:06:30.720 --> 01:06:35.840 and talk about yellow flags and red flags. Red flags are going to be like they're crossing sexual 1110 01:06:35.840 --> 01:06:40.720 boundaries they are saying inappropriate things especially sexual in nature if they're just 1111 01:06:40.720 --> 01:06:46.000 downright rude and nasty and criticizing and mean that's a red flag that's a blessing block 1112 01:06:46.000 --> 01:06:52.000 peace out dude like you don't even have to give them the explanation you don't need it and here's 1113 01:06:52.000 --> 01:06:57.600 the thing you don't even tell them what they did wrong just block them bless them in your head 1114 01:06:57.600 --> 01:07:02.560 bless them to God okay God I need you to bless this man hopefully he doesn't know what he's doing 1115 01:07:02.560 --> 01:07:08.800 Lord you're going to need to move in this man's life but I'm not going to be the one to preach to 1116 01:07:08.800 --> 01:07:17.040 him and you block them okay but anything that you find questionable ladies bring it to our community 1117 01:07:18.000 --> 01:07:23.920 let us know because sometimes what you'll notice is certain things will set you and trigger you 1118 01:07:24.480 --> 01:07:30.000 and that's just an area of healing that you're gonna that God wants to work in you okay 1119 01:07:31.440 --> 01:07:34.240 all right Lori how are you good to see you 1120 01:07:36.080 --> 01:07:40.320 hi you guys are really cute I love those oh thank you they're readers 1121 01:07:40.800 --> 01:07:50.080 they're cute girl got my first readers ever well you look good in them oh thank you thank you I can 1122 01:07:50.080 --> 01:08:02.320 see you because I have my contact in but anyway oh I had a I had a I've had a really challenging 1123 01:08:02.320 --> 01:08:08.640 week okay I would say a doozy of a date so I've been working with Ebony on them like 1124 01:08:09.360 --> 01:08:16.319 so this is a guy that I thought was going to be like my new type like a possible new type but he 1125 01:08:16.319 --> 01:08:24.000 was um he was still very groomed but had a beard and he looked you know like he could uh he just 1126 01:08:24.000 --> 01:08:32.800 looked like uh real outdoorsy and really big-hearted like his smile and his countenance were just 1127 01:08:33.680 --> 01:08:43.040 so felt full-hearted like just I was just like oh my gosh like this is he just seems like really 1128 01:08:43.040 --> 01:08:51.920 emotionally whole okay so anyway he reached out to me so I was super excited and just thought oh 1129 01:08:51.920 --> 01:08:58.720 my gosh he's so handsome and rugged and very different from like a executive type that I've 1130 01:08:58.720 --> 01:09:07.200 always dated and so anyway that's the preface we're done so I'll get to this I'll get to the 1131 01:09:07.200 --> 01:09:16.240 okay so it's like so what happened then so he okay so he he reached out we messaged back and 1132 01:09:16.240 --> 01:09:24.640 forth and that you know was kind of like a a day in between so it's just you know good pace yeah 1133 01:09:24.640 --> 01:09:34.000 and then we got off of the app eHarmony and he was just asking me high level you know like what's 1134 01:09:34.000 --> 01:09:38.640 your favorite Saturday morning cartoon when you were a kid you know just fun just back and forth 1135 01:09:38.640 --> 01:09:46.399 real light-hearted and but it was just it was really fun and then um and then we ended up he 1136 01:09:46.399 --> 01:09:55.440 asked me out uh for the following week which was like four days out and uh would you like to meet 1137 01:09:55.440 --> 01:09:59.680 up um on Wednesday evening are you free so yes 1138 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:08.800 And then maybe we had one other short texting bit, but he fell off. 1139 01:10:08.800 --> 01:10:17.320 And I thought, so he didn't give me a plan, and he did have to have his car, like, fixed, 1140 01:10:17.320 --> 01:10:25.240 and so he was going to, like, firm up on the date, but at any rate, he, so he came back. 1141 01:10:25.240 --> 01:10:29.600 So he fell off for, like, a day and a half, so it was, like, so much. 1142 01:10:29.600 --> 01:10:33.920 And then he fell off, and I thought, okay, well, I can lean in with this anxious attachment. 1143 01:10:33.920 --> 01:10:36.200 Okay, good, good. 1144 01:10:36.200 --> 01:10:41.440 So, because for me, it's like there was nothing at all that could have been wrong with the 1145 01:10:41.440 --> 01:10:42.440 texting. 1146 01:10:42.440 --> 01:10:43.440 It was all high level. 1147 01:10:43.440 --> 01:10:44.440 Yeah. 1148 01:10:44.440 --> 01:10:47.920 Anyway, he came back, and he said, are you still free on Wednesday evening? 1149 01:10:47.920 --> 01:10:50.080 So it's like, I think he must have known. 1150 01:10:50.080 --> 01:10:55.480 He also is widowed, and that's been five years. 1151 01:10:55.480 --> 01:10:59.720 I think, if anything, like, I'm processing so I can grow. 1152 01:10:59.720 --> 01:11:00.720 Yeah. 1153 01:11:00.720 --> 01:11:06.200 So, so then we got together, so then he kind of, like, there wasn't a lot of texting in 1154 01:11:06.200 --> 01:11:11.160 between Sunday and last Wednesday. 1155 01:11:11.160 --> 01:11:17.480 And then it got to be, like, nine o'clock at night on Tuesday, and he hadn't messaged 1156 01:11:17.480 --> 01:11:18.480 me with a plan. 1157 01:11:18.480 --> 01:11:24.680 He had firmed up, making sure, you know, just double checking that I was free on Wednesday. 1158 01:11:24.880 --> 01:11:31.240 And so, at nine o'clock, I said, hey, just curious, what's the plan? 1159 01:11:31.240 --> 01:11:39.280 And I didn't say it in that way, I said a few other things, and I said, I'm curious, 1160 01:11:39.280 --> 01:11:41.520 what's the plan for tomorrow evening? 1161 01:11:41.520 --> 01:11:45.960 I'm excited to be, so anyway, he texted back right away. 1162 01:11:45.960 --> 01:11:51.520 I'm so glad you reached out, da-da-da, and he said, you know, we came up with a plan. 1163 01:11:51.520 --> 01:11:53.040 It was really easy, straightforward. 1164 01:11:53.040 --> 01:11:57.800 He came over, he drove over, like, 45 minutes to see me. 1165 01:11:57.800 --> 01:12:04.040 We went out to, we did go out to a really nice restaurant, had an appetizer and a drink, 1166 01:12:04.040 --> 01:12:08.280 and he's very intentional about asking questions. 1167 01:12:08.280 --> 01:12:09.280 Good. 1168 01:12:09.280 --> 01:12:15.520 High-level questions, compatibility questions, but I will say, like, in the questioning, 1169 01:12:15.520 --> 01:12:21.280 it felt, and yeah, I mean, he is information gathering, but there was no point where it 1170 01:12:21.280 --> 01:12:23.520 turned into conversation. 1171 01:12:23.520 --> 01:12:31.320 It was just kind of this back and forth, which, and at one point, I said, gosh, lots of questions, 1172 01:12:31.320 --> 01:12:34.640 and he says, well, what do you expect me to do, a song and dance? 1173 01:12:34.640 --> 01:12:38.600 He was kind of defensive. 1174 01:12:38.600 --> 01:12:47.040 At one point, he mentioned that he had, like, he asked me, you know, about where I, you 1175 01:12:47.040 --> 01:12:51.560 know, what area I live in, and I asked him the same, what quadrant of Grand Rapids do 1176 01:12:51.560 --> 01:12:52.560 you live in? 1177 01:12:52.560 --> 01:13:00.640 And he said, well, most women understand where Lululemon is, and it was just this, really, 1178 01:13:00.640 --> 01:13:03.480 and also, like, I can check in my heart and be like, most women? 1179 01:13:03.480 --> 01:13:09.880 It sounds like you're, like, out there all the time, but, you know, it could mean anything. 1180 01:13:09.880 --> 01:13:14.960 So then he made another comment about how, well, I'm in a very, and we weren't talking 1181 01:13:14.960 --> 01:13:19.960 about anything around money, but he says, well, I'm in a very interesting position. 1182 01:13:19.960 --> 01:13:30.200 He's like, I can really retire any time I want to, and he's my age, he's 56, and I said, 1183 01:13:30.200 --> 01:13:32.600 oh, that's great, what are your dreams, you know? 1184 01:13:32.600 --> 01:13:33.600 Yeah, good. 1185 01:13:33.600 --> 01:13:38.680 Like, whatever, but I know with the Lulu comment, I said, oh, this is, like, my true honest 1186 01:13:38.680 --> 01:13:44.600 feeling, like, oh, I don't really love Lululemon, so I didn't go over it, like, I'm just, it's 1187 01:13:44.760 --> 01:13:50.760 not a brand that I, I'm not on that bandwagon, I'm sure they make great stuff, but, and it 1188 01:13:50.760 --> 01:13:56.120 was also, it was also a bit provoking for me, so, and I know I've been in the space 1189 01:13:56.120 --> 01:14:03.640 before, well, first of all, like, right when I met him, I was, like, melted, like, gorgeous, 1190 01:14:03.640 --> 01:14:10.040 super, like, everything and better, his eyes were just, are just gorgeous, dresses really 1191 01:14:10.040 --> 01:14:15.640 fashionably, kind of sporty, and, yeah, just really well put together. 1192 01:14:15.640 --> 01:14:16.640 Yeah. 1193 01:14:16.640 --> 01:14:21.480 So, anyway, date was, like, an hour and a half, he walks me, asks if he can walk me 1194 01:14:21.480 --> 01:14:28.240 to my car, which, even though I live downtown, I had driven to my date, to downtown, to this 1195 01:14:28.240 --> 01:14:35.120 spot, and he just had a little conversation at my car, and then he said, he says, well, 1196 01:14:35.120 --> 01:14:37.720 if you'd like to do this again, let me know. 1197 01:14:37.720 --> 01:14:38.720 Okay. 1198 01:14:38.800 --> 01:14:42.400 So, I thought, oh, I had a really nice time, I'd love to. 1199 01:14:42.400 --> 01:14:43.400 Yeah, perfect. 1200 01:14:43.400 --> 01:14:46.400 And so, yeah, so it was great. 1201 01:14:46.400 --> 01:14:47.400 Then what happened? 1202 01:14:47.400 --> 01:14:53.640 Then he reached out, and it was just so weird, I can't really figure it out. 1203 01:14:53.640 --> 01:14:57.960 Like then he, then he reached out, like, he fell off, well, I, I reached out maybe three 1204 01:14:57.960 --> 01:15:00.040 hours after the date, and, because I really. 1205 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.240 So I hadn't thanked him. 1206 01:15:01.240 --> 01:15:02.400 I think I was so nervous. 1207 01:15:02.400 --> 01:15:04.280 I said, hey, thanks so much, because he paid, 1208 01:15:04.280 --> 01:15:06.720 and it was expensive. 1209 01:15:06.720 --> 01:15:13.520 And did he suggest the restaurant? 1210 01:15:13.520 --> 01:15:16.200 He offered it to me. 1211 01:15:16.200 --> 01:15:17.320 OK, that's what I'm saying. 1212 01:15:17.320 --> 01:15:21.480 I'm just curious, because again, like that Lululemon comment 1213 01:15:21.480 --> 01:15:24.560 too, and the fact that, you know, I don't know. 1214 01:15:24.560 --> 01:15:27.360 Like, I'm just I'm trying to gather some information here. 1215 01:15:27.360 --> 01:15:32.640 So did he say that he's not interested in going back out, 1216 01:15:32.640 --> 01:15:34.960 or did he just completely throw it all out? 1217 01:15:34.960 --> 01:15:37.160 So we went back and forth. 1218 01:15:37.160 --> 01:15:40.200 And I mean, he offered something up, 1219 01:15:40.200 --> 01:15:43.720 and then I offered up a couple of other options. 1220 01:15:43.720 --> 01:15:46.040 I didn't really like the place he offered up, 1221 01:15:46.040 --> 01:15:50.400 which was a brewery. 1222 01:15:50.400 --> 01:15:52.080 So maybe I should have gone for that. 1223 01:15:52.080 --> 01:15:57.080 But I offered up one other that was, I would say, equivalent. 1224 01:15:57.160 --> 01:16:00.120 And honestly, you don't have to spend a ton of money 1225 01:16:00.120 --> 01:16:05.080 at the restaurant, the one we went to. 1226 01:16:05.080 --> 01:16:08.760 The fact that he, you know, he wanted like, yeah, anyway. 1227 01:16:08.760 --> 01:16:11.880 I don't think that was it. 1228 01:16:11.880 --> 01:16:16.000 OK, so then he offered a brewery for the second date? 1229 01:16:16.000 --> 01:16:19.360 No, so at any rate, so he asked, you know, he put out there, 1230 01:16:19.360 --> 01:16:22.440 so what you doing tonight, or what are you doing this week? 1231 01:16:22.440 --> 01:16:25.160 And I realized that I was like, I made myself sound busy, 1232 01:16:25.160 --> 01:16:29.280 because I was too afraid to be available. 1233 01:16:29.280 --> 01:16:31.200 So then I looped back around, because I said, 1234 01:16:31.200 --> 01:16:36.920 well, I may be going up north this weekend on a getaway. 1235 01:16:36.920 --> 01:16:39.480 And so I looped back around, realizing 1236 01:16:39.480 --> 01:16:40.680 I made myself sound busy. 1237 01:16:40.680 --> 01:16:44.400 And I said, hey, I've firmed up my plans for up north. 1238 01:16:44.400 --> 01:16:49.160 I've got an Airbnb starting Tuesday. 1239 01:16:49.160 --> 01:16:51.400 So I just thought I'd loop back around and let you know 1240 01:16:51.400 --> 01:16:56.360 that I have some availability this weekend. 1241 01:16:56.360 --> 01:17:00.320 And I even said, would you like to meet for brunch on Sunday? 1242 01:17:00.320 --> 01:17:04.000 And he said, I love your idea. 1243 01:17:04.000 --> 01:17:07.520 He said, I said, I would love to meet up again. 1244 01:17:07.520 --> 01:17:08.720 One idea would be brunch. 1245 01:17:08.720 --> 01:17:12.000 And he said, I like your idea, maybe, 1246 01:17:12.000 --> 01:17:15.640 because my daughter's scheduled for flying. 1247 01:17:15.640 --> 01:17:18.760 She's getting a license. 1248 01:17:18.760 --> 01:17:23.640 And so he was going up for a session. 1249 01:17:23.640 --> 01:17:26.360 And so he says, maybe, I like your idea. 1250 01:17:26.360 --> 01:17:28.480 He's like, but it's weather pending. 1251 01:17:28.480 --> 01:17:31.480 This was already pushed off. 1252 01:17:31.480 --> 01:17:38.600 And so then he was like, I'll let you know. 1253 01:17:38.600 --> 01:17:40.520 Never messaged back. 1254 01:17:40.520 --> 01:17:42.320 OK. 1255 01:17:42.320 --> 01:17:44.080 Sunday brunch came and went. 1256 01:17:44.080 --> 01:17:47.320 And we didn't have a place or a time. 1257 01:17:47.360 --> 01:17:51.080 But it was just after church for brunch. 1258 01:17:51.080 --> 01:17:54.120 Well, again, I think it might just be one of those things. 1259 01:17:54.120 --> 01:17:59.080 It's still just kind of, it's on the back burner, right? 1260 01:17:59.080 --> 01:18:04.360 For me, though, there was a familiar spirit to it. 1261 01:18:04.360 --> 01:18:06.280 And maybe I'm wrong. 1262 01:18:06.280 --> 01:18:08.840 And I thought, after I sent the text, I thought, oh, my gosh. 1263 01:18:08.840 --> 01:18:10.440 I hope he doesn't think I was, like, 1264 01:18:10.440 --> 01:18:13.320 hinting at him joining me at an Airbnb, 1265 01:18:13.320 --> 01:18:16.920 because nothing, nothing was ever 1266 01:18:16.920 --> 01:18:19.840 sexual about our conversations, nor would 1267 01:18:19.840 --> 01:18:21.280 I think you'd mean that. 1268 01:18:21.280 --> 01:18:24.520 But yeah, so he just, it came and went. 1269 01:18:24.520 --> 01:18:31.880 And he would just, I mean, there was definitely 1270 01:18:31.880 --> 01:18:33.920 an air about him. 1271 01:18:33.920 --> 01:18:37.440 I was going to say, I'm a little, like, again, to me, 1272 01:18:37.440 --> 01:18:39.640 again, so we're talking about yellow, red flags. 1273 01:18:39.640 --> 01:18:42.120 The yellow flag would be the comment that he made about, 1274 01:18:42.120 --> 01:18:44.320 well, most women will know where Lululemon is. 1275 01:18:44.320 --> 01:18:48.200 Like, that sounds, to me, that sounds a little pretentious. 1276 01:18:48.200 --> 01:18:49.200 But OK, like. 1277 01:18:49.200 --> 01:18:50.400 He felt pretentious. 1278 01:18:50.400 --> 01:18:52.080 He felt a bit pretentious. 1279 01:18:52.080 --> 01:18:53.000 That's what I'm saying. 1280 01:18:53.000 --> 01:18:55.040 And then also that comment about. 1281 01:18:55.040 --> 01:18:57.080 Like, OK, a little bit of yellow flag. 1282 01:18:57.080 --> 01:19:02.320 Here's, OK, just moving forward, OK, 1283 01:19:02.320 --> 01:19:04.840 we don't have to dissect the why all of a sudden, 1284 01:19:04.840 --> 01:19:06.400 and it just stopped. 1285 01:19:06.400 --> 01:19:09.560 This is when the God-defended part comes in. 1286 01:19:09.560 --> 01:19:11.280 Yeah. 1287 01:19:11.640 --> 01:19:13.760 I had a really beautiful encounter 1288 01:19:13.760 --> 01:19:17.280 with the Lord and a memory. 1289 01:19:17.280 --> 01:19:19.440 I just laid down on my sofa and soaked 1290 01:19:19.440 --> 01:19:21.160 and had a really beautiful encounter 1291 01:19:21.160 --> 01:19:23.880 with the Lord and a memory in my childhood 1292 01:19:23.880 --> 01:19:26.200 where I felt abandoned by my dad. 1293 01:19:26.200 --> 01:19:30.360 And so that was one that I was really contending for. 1294 01:19:30.360 --> 01:19:34.200 And so that was really beautiful. 1295 01:19:34.200 --> 01:19:38.320 He's also, like, showing me what his perfection looks like. 1296 01:19:38.360 --> 01:19:41.760 Not like perfectionism, but what his, 1297 01:19:41.760 --> 01:19:44.880 what perfection is actually meant to be from heaven. 1298 01:19:44.880 --> 01:19:46.280 Yes, that's what I'm saying. 1299 01:19:46.280 --> 01:19:49.720 Like, so I mean, this is like this man might have just come 1300 01:19:49.720 --> 01:19:53.360 into your life just to give you another deeper level of healing. 1301 01:19:53.360 --> 01:19:55.920 And again, you're God-defended. 1302 01:19:55.920 --> 01:19:57.480 You're seeing what you're like. 1303 01:19:57.480 --> 01:20:00.000 You're open to being attracted to someone that looks. 1304 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.200 It's a little different. 1305 01:20:01.200 --> 01:20:03.600 And you like certain qualities about him. 1306 01:20:03.600 --> 01:20:08.160 And so, recognize, oh, I really like someone 1307 01:20:08.160 --> 01:20:10.360 that's intentional with their questions. 1308 01:20:10.360 --> 01:20:12.400 I mean, the other thing I thought, 1309 01:20:12.400 --> 01:20:15.440 even just being able to share the kinds of questions 1310 01:20:15.440 --> 01:20:18.720 that he asked, like, what's your favorite 1311 01:20:18.720 --> 01:20:21.400 Saturday morning cartoon as a kid? 1312 01:20:21.400 --> 01:20:23.520 Like, ladies, pick that up. 1313 01:20:23.520 --> 01:20:24.520 Pick up that question. 1314 01:20:24.520 --> 01:20:26.640 That's a fun question to ask. 1315 01:20:26.640 --> 01:20:29.520 So when you're out there dating, I mean, if anything, 1316 01:20:29.920 --> 01:20:32.920 again, it's putting things into practice. 1317 01:20:32.920 --> 01:20:35.000 You're learning new things about yourself. 1318 01:20:35.000 --> 01:20:37.960 You're learning new things that you like and you don't like. 1319 01:20:37.960 --> 01:20:41.040 Yeah, but I think what I'm not sharing, 1320 01:20:41.040 --> 01:20:44.520 haven't shared here is I was a cat on a hot tin roof. 1321 01:20:44.520 --> 01:20:46.280 Like, it was like, 1322 01:20:49.000 --> 01:20:53.320 and it could mean that I need healing very well. 1323 01:20:53.320 --> 01:20:55.720 Could also mean that there's comments 1324 01:20:55.720 --> 01:20:57.120 because I was married to somebody 1325 01:20:57.120 --> 01:20:59.840 who had narcissistic behavior. 1326 01:20:59.840 --> 01:21:04.360 Could also mean that there were like these kind of hooks. 1327 01:21:09.040 --> 01:21:12.200 Yeah, it's just such a, like, from the countenance, 1328 01:21:12.200 --> 01:21:16.520 the countenance that I experienced to this idea, 1329 01:21:16.520 --> 01:21:19.400 like, his countenance on his profile didn't match 1330 01:21:19.400 --> 01:21:22.080 the feeling of being with him in person. 1331 01:21:23.080 --> 01:21:28.080 And, you know, it just kind of always was like, 1332 01:21:28.080 --> 01:21:31.120 almost like this air about him, like, kind of like, 1333 01:21:31.120 --> 01:21:33.520 if you want to go out with me again, just say, 1334 01:21:33.520 --> 01:21:35.400 hey, I'd love to do this again. 1335 01:21:35.400 --> 01:21:38.800 How about we, let me look at my calendar 1336 01:21:38.800 --> 01:21:41.080 and I'll get back to you and like the follow-up. 1337 01:21:41.080 --> 01:21:43.080 And so just like even not coming through 1338 01:21:43.080 --> 01:21:45.280 with a plan on Wednesday, 1339 01:21:45.280 --> 01:21:47.760 I just always felt like there were these hooks. 1340 01:21:47.760 --> 01:21:49.040 Like you'd say, hey, what you doing? 1341 01:21:49.480 --> 01:21:52.920 But it would like hang in the air 1342 01:21:52.920 --> 01:21:55.480 and it could be my attachment. 1343 01:21:57.000 --> 01:22:00.000 Well, and then also too, like the thing that came up- 1344 01:22:00.000 --> 01:22:04.080 So I tested it, you know, with asking him out for brunch. 1345 01:22:04.080 --> 01:22:06.880 When you ladies are setting up dates, 1346 01:22:06.880 --> 01:22:09.680 cause I know this happens sometimes, 1347 01:22:09.680 --> 01:22:11.880 I see this happen frequent, not frequently, 1348 01:22:11.880 --> 01:22:14.520 but enough times to bring this up, 1349 01:22:14.520 --> 01:22:16.840 where there's talk of, yeah, let's meet up, 1350 01:22:16.840 --> 01:22:21.440 let's meet up on Tuesday and it's Wednesday. 1351 01:22:21.440 --> 01:22:23.400 So you're going like six days and you're like, 1352 01:22:23.400 --> 01:22:25.400 okay, I have plans to meet on Tuesday. 1353 01:22:25.400 --> 01:22:28.320 It's coming with like, 1354 01:22:28.320 --> 01:22:31.760 don't be afraid to solidify plans in the beginning 1355 01:22:31.760 --> 01:22:36.360 and when you're first talking about meeting up. 1356 01:22:36.360 --> 01:22:37.200 Yeah. 1357 01:22:37.200 --> 01:22:39.520 So that there isn't this, well, he didn't reach out. 1358 01:22:39.520 --> 01:22:40.720 I'm not sure. 1359 01:22:40.720 --> 01:22:42.120 Oh, it kind of fell off. 1360 01:22:42.120 --> 01:22:47.120 Like, it's okay to kind of set some plans into place. 1361 01:22:48.920 --> 01:22:49.920 Yeah. 1362 01:22:49.920 --> 01:22:53.160 And then it's okay to reach out, 1363 01:22:53.160 --> 01:22:56.200 hey, are we still good for such and such date and time? 1364 01:22:56.200 --> 01:22:58.120 I'm looking forward to it. 1365 01:22:58.120 --> 01:23:00.320 And then wait for their response. 1366 01:23:00.320 --> 01:23:02.800 So I would say in the future, 1367 01:23:02.800 --> 01:23:05.480 when you ladies are planning dates 1368 01:23:05.480 --> 01:23:08.480 or planning a first in-person date, 1369 01:23:08.480 --> 01:23:12.440 don't hesitate to know the plan ahead of time 1370 01:23:13.320 --> 01:23:15.600 so that you're not feeling like, 1371 01:23:15.600 --> 01:23:18.000 you're like, okay, am I supposed to reach out to him? 1372 01:23:18.000 --> 01:23:18.840 Am I not? 1373 01:23:18.840 --> 01:23:21.200 He hasn't initiated anything, he has, 1374 01:23:21.200 --> 01:23:25.720 and it will save you anxious attachers, 1375 01:23:25.720 --> 01:23:27.480 which I was an anxious attacher. 1376 01:23:28.400 --> 01:23:30.320 So it will give you so much freedom 1377 01:23:30.320 --> 01:23:32.480 just to kind of know what to expect 1378 01:23:32.480 --> 01:23:37.480 and be able to enjoy the rest of your week. 1379 01:23:38.160 --> 01:23:40.000 I don't think there was anything wrong with you saying, 1380 01:23:40.000 --> 01:23:42.920 hey, let's get together for brunch if you're free. 1381 01:23:42.920 --> 01:23:44.200 And he said, maybe. 1382 01:23:44.200 --> 01:23:47.280 And my guess is that maybe turned into a no. 1383 01:23:47.280 --> 01:23:50.200 And would it have been nice for him to communicate clearly? 1384 01:23:50.200 --> 01:23:51.440 Absolutely. 1385 01:23:51.440 --> 01:23:53.160 But again, we can't have expectations 1386 01:23:53.160 --> 01:23:55.160 for people to behave and to react 1387 01:23:55.160 --> 01:23:56.640 the way that we want them to. 1388 01:23:56.640 --> 01:23:59.440 If anything, it just shows us, okay, this person, 1389 01:24:00.640 --> 01:24:04.040 I like someone that's gonna be a little more clear 1390 01:24:04.040 --> 01:24:05.880 and communicate a little better with me. 1391 01:24:05.920 --> 01:24:07.800 And this guy just doesn't seem to have it. 1392 01:24:07.800 --> 01:24:11.280 I don't need to dissect why he is or isn't 1393 01:24:11.280 --> 01:24:12.880 a good communicator. 1394 01:24:12.880 --> 01:24:14.440 I just need to be like, it's okay, 1395 01:24:14.440 --> 01:24:16.280 because I'm God defended. 1396 01:24:16.280 --> 01:24:18.360 I want someone who's gonna communicate well, 1397 01:24:18.360 --> 01:24:21.200 and I know God's got somebody that can communicate well. 1398 01:24:21.200 --> 01:24:23.280 Or someone that might not communicate well, 1399 01:24:23.280 --> 01:24:26.920 but is willing to grow and learn how to communicate well. 1400 01:24:26.920 --> 01:24:28.280 Yeah. 1401 01:24:28.280 --> 01:24:29.120 Yeah. 1402 01:24:29.120 --> 01:24:33.640 So the confusion that I'm experiencing. 1403 01:24:33.640 --> 01:24:35.000 Is normal. 1404 01:24:35.960 --> 01:24:36.880 Okay. 1405 01:24:36.880 --> 01:24:38.000 It's normal. 1406 01:24:38.000 --> 01:24:38.840 Okay. 1407 01:24:39.720 --> 01:24:42.480 But my mind is really triggered on, 1408 01:24:42.480 --> 01:24:46.360 oh my gosh, it's a narcissist again. 1409 01:24:46.360 --> 01:24:49.360 Or maybe avoidant personality. 1410 01:24:49.360 --> 01:24:51.760 I would, yeah, that's what I would be pressing 1411 01:24:51.760 --> 01:24:52.920 into the Lord with. 1412 01:24:52.920 --> 01:24:55.240 Is the, what am I believing? 1413 01:24:55.240 --> 01:24:56.760 And what are my fears? 1414 01:24:56.760 --> 01:24:58.320 And what is that being rooted in? 1415 01:24:58.320 --> 01:25:00.160 And God, what is your tool? 1416 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:09.340 Okay. Cause here's the thing. We cannot label people a narcissist. Yeah. We haven't met 1417 01:25:09.340 --> 01:25:14.820 like when we only have gone on one date with them. Yeah. That's not ladies. It's not fair 1418 01:25:14.820 --> 01:25:22.300 to go label men based on your past experiences. Maybe he is. I don't know. But what if he 1419 01:25:22.300 --> 01:25:28.720 isn't our words of power? Yeah. I'm going to speak that over somebody if they really 1420 01:25:28.720 --> 01:25:34.760 aren't. Yeah. I mean, I think, I think the healthy thing was, is that I was able to separate 1421 01:25:34.760 --> 01:25:40.600 from the person and the spirit. And so I didn't feel like, I felt like I was really good at 1422 01:25:40.600 --> 01:25:48.320 keeping my heart in the spot of love towards him. Yeah. So, but spend some time, celebrate 1423 01:25:48.320 --> 01:25:53.800 the wins. Celebrate the positive things that happened through this encounter. Okay. And 1424 01:25:53.800 --> 01:25:56.840 this is a great lesson for all the ladies on the call and those that are listening and 1425 01:25:56.840 --> 01:26:02.880 replay like these, these are, this is discovery dating. This is why we do this is because 1426 01:26:02.880 --> 01:26:06.680 we're trying to learn and grow and we're, we're figuring out what we like, what we don't 1427 01:26:06.680 --> 01:26:12.320 like. We're allowing God to come in and heal us in certain areas where, you know, again, 1428 01:26:12.320 --> 01:26:17.920 it's any, I just strongly encourage you ladies that any of these dating experiences you have, 1429 01:26:17.920 --> 01:26:22.160 whether they're good, bad, ugly, indifferent, whatever, be pressing into the Lord about 1430 01:26:22.160 --> 01:26:27.120 it. Yeah. You know, what does God want to show you? How does he want to bless you in 1431 01:26:27.120 --> 01:26:33.760 these experiences? Yeah. And then you hold on to that. Yeah. But then again, like I want 1432 01:26:33.760 --> 01:26:39.480 you to press in a little bit like, okay, Lord, what am I, what am I needing healing from? 1433 01:26:39.480 --> 01:26:43.920 Where is this? Where's this fear? What lie am I believing? I want to know your truth. 1434 01:26:43.920 --> 01:26:49.520 You know, help me see this and spend some time in the Lord. Yeah. Afraid of losing myself, 1435 01:26:50.440 --> 01:26:56.360 but I am really proud of, and then I'll, I've taken a lot of time, but I'm really proud of 1436 01:26:56.360 --> 01:27:03.680 myself. The Holy Spirit prompted me to rewrite my story before going out on my first date and 1437 01:27:03.680 --> 01:27:10.640 it was such a transformative experience. So this wasn't like I took hours. I was listening to a 1438 01:27:10.640 --> 01:27:15.920 book and it was basically listing 10 things that I love about my life and that I'm thankful and 1439 01:27:15.920 --> 01:27:23.040 kind of like highlight highlights. If I were, and because my mind with trauma has had a tendency 1440 01:27:23.040 --> 01:27:30.800 to focus on the low lights. And so I went and I just thought if I could list 10 highlights, 1441 01:27:30.800 --> 01:27:38.160 what would they be? And my mind just swelled up with so much joy and gratitude. And I told a 1442 01:27:38.160 --> 01:27:45.600 different story and what was so crazy was it feels new, but I didn't tell my story. I just saying, 1443 01:27:45.760 --> 01:27:52.720 I, I just showed up a different way. And so it was the crazy thing is like, Lord, is this true? 1444 01:27:52.720 --> 01:28:00.400 And he's like, this is just as true as like, or more true than the story you've been telling 1445 01:28:00.400 --> 01:28:09.440 for so long. Like this is all felt equally authentic equally. It felt beautiful. I felt so 1446 01:28:10.080 --> 01:28:17.040 free and light and happy and good. Yeah. So that, that was all right. 1447 01:28:17.040 --> 01:28:21.280 Yep. Well, we definitely were like 15 minutes over. So I apologize, Sandy and Candy, 1448 01:28:21.280 --> 01:28:25.920 we are not going to have time, but Candy, I do see your thing in the chat. So I'm going to read 1449 01:28:25.920 --> 01:28:31.680 that off and I will see if I can do a quick response. Sandy, if you can post your question 1450 01:28:32.320 --> 01:28:37.600 in a thing, she just jumped off. Darn it. Hopefully she'll post in the app. Oh no, 1451 01:28:37.600 --> 01:28:43.760 you are here. Okay. I see you now. I don't, it's nothing like super crucial. I think I'll just 1452 01:28:43.760 --> 01:28:50.960 wait or I'll post it in the, I can post it in the group. Okay, perfect. All right. I can't seem to 1453 01:28:50.960 --> 01:28:56.320 scroll on my chat. I don't want to lose this. Candy's like her question. She had a, my first 1454 01:28:56.320 --> 01:29:02.080 video chat with a guy, they're in different states. He was very transparent of his background, 1455 01:29:02.080 --> 01:29:07.920 regardless is true or not. Okay. So he's transparent again. You still don't know him. 1456 01:29:07.920 --> 01:29:12.640 So you don't know how true is what he's sharing or not. I can understand that. Okay. We talked, 1457 01:29:12.640 --> 01:29:18.640 he told me he has no friends. Okay. That's interesting. And he is an introvert. All right. 1458 01:29:18.640 --> 01:29:24.240 Nothing wrong with that. But when he talks to me, he is very friendly. Okay. Well, introverts can 1459 01:29:24.240 --> 01:29:29.440 still be friendly. I know Jackie said, we need a community in the same time. Don't show up 1460 01:29:30.000 --> 01:29:36.560 your gift of coaching and counseling gifts. Yep. Is it appropriate to ask him? Do you ever feel 1461 01:29:36.560 --> 01:29:43.120 bored? This kind of area is kind of worries me because my ex-husband would not talk the entire 1462 01:29:43.120 --> 01:29:49.920 time during the meal with new friends. Okay. So we definitely like Candy, are you able, I can't, 1463 01:29:49.920 --> 01:29:54.240 I can't unpack this with you right now. Cause we're definitely out of time. Are you able to 1464 01:29:54.240 --> 01:29:58.960 jump on a call with Ebony tonight? Yeah. Okay. Sure. No problem. Okay. And I will, I will reach 1465 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.160 and ask her to take your question first 1466 01:30:03.200 --> 01:30:04.580 to help you unpack that. 1467 01:30:05.840 --> 01:30:06.760 I don't think it's a problem, 1468 01:30:06.760 --> 01:30:10.820 like, you know, maybe reword the question. 1469 01:30:12.000 --> 01:30:13.560 Like, I mean, I would ask him, 1470 01:30:13.560 --> 01:30:15.280 so you don't have friends, 1471 01:30:15.280 --> 01:30:17.680 like, what kinds of things do you do for fun? 1472 01:30:19.600 --> 01:30:21.440 You know, and again, that might be something 1473 01:30:21.440 --> 01:30:23.040 that you might need to ask yourself, 1474 01:30:23.040 --> 01:30:25.840 is that, is this somebody that, 1475 01:30:25.840 --> 01:30:27.600 I mean, again, you can get to know them. 1476 01:30:27.600 --> 01:30:29.600 There's nothing wrong with going on 1477 01:30:29.600 --> 01:30:31.000 two or three dates with somebody, 1478 01:30:31.000 --> 01:30:34.120 because again, we're not dating for a husband right now. 1479 01:30:34.120 --> 01:30:36.680 Okay, we're just dating to discover. 1480 01:30:36.680 --> 01:30:38.160 We're getting to know people. 1481 01:30:38.160 --> 01:30:40.760 We're getting to know what we like, what we don't like. 1482 01:30:41.960 --> 01:30:45.280 And yeah, this could be something that you ask yourself. 1483 01:30:45.280 --> 01:30:49.400 Do you want to move forward with somebody 1484 01:30:49.400 --> 01:30:53.800 that might not be able to be, like, social? 1485 01:30:53.800 --> 01:30:55.480 Ladies, I'm a social person. 1486 01:30:56.280 --> 01:30:59.800 Okay, I'm one of those, I'm an introvert. 1487 01:30:59.800 --> 01:31:03.040 Like, I need to, like, be by myself to recharge, 1488 01:31:03.040 --> 01:31:05.700 but I still like people, okay? 1489 01:31:06.640 --> 01:31:08.080 I think they called it an ambivert, 1490 01:31:08.080 --> 01:31:10.600 so I don't know if I'm butchering that name or not. 1491 01:31:10.600 --> 01:31:13.360 But I like my space. 1492 01:31:13.360 --> 01:31:14.720 I love my alone time. 1493 01:31:14.720 --> 01:31:15.800 It's how I recharge. 1494 01:31:15.800 --> 01:31:19.000 I don't want to be around a lot of people, okay, 1495 01:31:19.000 --> 01:31:20.680 when I need to be recharged, okay, 1496 01:31:20.760 --> 01:31:21.600 because I'm an empath, 1497 01:31:21.600 --> 01:31:25.960 so my energy can easily get depleted. 1498 01:31:25.960 --> 01:31:27.440 So in order for me to recharge, 1499 01:31:27.440 --> 01:31:29.800 I can't be around a bunch of energy, all right? 1500 01:31:31.440 --> 01:31:33.560 But I love people. 1501 01:31:33.560 --> 01:31:35.240 I love being social. 1502 01:31:35.240 --> 01:31:36.240 I love talking to people. 1503 01:31:36.240 --> 01:31:37.760 I like getting to know people. 1504 01:31:37.760 --> 01:31:40.760 And so I, like, my husband, I'm like, 1505 01:31:40.760 --> 01:31:44.120 look, I need to be around people. 1506 01:31:44.120 --> 01:31:46.880 I need my husband to want to be around people at times, too. 1507 01:31:46.880 --> 01:31:48.480 Like, he just knows that about me. 1508 01:31:49.240 --> 01:31:53.720 He is, he's probably introverted as well, 1509 01:31:53.720 --> 01:31:55.400 but he's in sales, 1510 01:31:55.400 --> 01:31:58.200 so he talks to people all day long. 1511 01:31:58.200 --> 01:32:01.120 So he's cool just kind of chilling by himself, too, 1512 01:32:01.120 --> 01:32:02.120 but when we go out, 1513 01:32:02.120 --> 01:32:04.360 I'm definitely more of the talker than he is. 1514 01:32:05.680 --> 01:32:08.400 It takes him a little bit of time to warm up to people. 1515 01:32:08.400 --> 01:32:10.840 But then when we, like, we have friends that we go out with, 1516 01:32:10.840 --> 01:32:12.840 but it takes him some time to get to know them 1517 01:32:12.840 --> 01:32:15.760 a little better and to really warm up to them. 1518 01:32:15.760 --> 01:32:19.920 But I'm typically the one that kind of pulls him out 1519 01:32:19.920 --> 01:32:21.160 to go be social. 1520 01:32:21.160 --> 01:32:22.560 So you're gonna have, like, again, 1521 01:32:22.560 --> 01:32:24.360 I knew I needed someone that was like, 1522 01:32:24.360 --> 01:32:26.480 you don't have to be, like, social on my level, 1523 01:32:26.480 --> 01:32:28.920 but you're gonna need to have to hang with me at times. 1524 01:32:28.920 --> 01:32:32.120 All right, I'm not gonna go be by myself all the time. 1525 01:32:32.120 --> 01:32:34.800 So these are things, again, like, 1526 01:32:34.800 --> 01:32:37.760 take the experience of getting to know this guy, 1527 01:32:37.760 --> 01:32:39.760 get to know him as a person. 1528 01:32:39.760 --> 01:32:43.560 Don't get to know him as a, is this a spirit mate or not? 1529 01:32:43.560 --> 01:32:46.440 I just wanna know him as a person, okay? 1530 01:32:46.440 --> 01:32:48.520 But I gotta jump off, ladies. 1531 01:32:48.520 --> 01:32:50.080 It's been a great blessing. 1532 01:32:50.080 --> 01:32:52.240 Candy, definitely jump on tonight. 1533 01:32:52.240 --> 01:32:56.800 I will reach out to Ebony to ask her 1534 01:32:56.800 --> 01:32:58.680 to take one of your questions first. 1535 01:32:58.680 --> 01:32:59.880 Okay, thank you. 1536 01:32:59.880 --> 01:33:02.200 But ladies, again, thank you so much. 1537 01:33:02.200 --> 01:33:05.200 It's always so good to spend time with you. 1538 01:33:05.200 --> 01:33:08.000 And yes, Sandy, I wanna hear all about all of the stuff. 1539 01:33:08.000 --> 01:33:10.680 So if you can post, I wanna hear about it. 1540 01:33:10.960 --> 01:33:13.600 And yes, you're welcome, ladies. 1541 01:33:13.600 --> 01:33:15.280 Have a blessed rest of your week, 1542 01:33:15.280 --> 01:33:16.920 and I will see you all next week.