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How many, how many of you guys is your first time here?

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First time in a coaching session with me?

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All right, all right, all right.

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Mandy and Elaine, I thought so, and Christina and Jean.

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Marla, you won't be on camera, okay, okay.

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All right, well, welcome.

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Is this your first, you just come over to phase two as well?

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Yeah, cool.

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Well, welcome to phase two.

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We're so excited that we get to do this journey with you,

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that we get to be a part of your God love story.

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Yes, it's very exciting for us.

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I'm Ebony, as you can see on the screen.

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I live in Austin, Texas.

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I was in the program, I keep saying three years.

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If the year change again, it's gonna be four years.

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I was in the program about three years ago.

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I got to see a lot of love stories.

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I'm convinced that God's way is an amazing way.

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Got to grow a whole lot.

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I know your journey.

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I know the bumps, the kinks, the twists, the turns.

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I tell the ladies all the time, this is the truth.

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Though all of us are different, we're all mostly the same.

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There's not been one topic somebody could not relate to.

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That's why women can band together.

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Like if you're dating some woman's brother

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and he does you wrong,

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everybody band up against the brother.

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Like you will turn on your brother for another woman

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because you're wrong for that

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because we could feel each other.

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We know.

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And so there's no question you can't X here.

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Hey, Shante, is this your first time, Shante?

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Yes, it is.

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Yes, well, welcome, welcome, welcome.

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So there's nothing, this coaching at night,

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whether you come at one o'clock or eight o'clock,

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it's all about you.

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It's not just about if you're dating somebody.

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It's all about you because you've done the hard work.

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And now we're in this phase where you get to date.

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But the thing about it is this is the phase

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where you build capacity for your love story.

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Why?

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Because nobody triggers you like a man would trigger you.

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It's something about when we open up our heart

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to let someone into those spaces,

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those spaces that may have been hurt by a father,

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those spaces that may have been hurt by men

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that came before.

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Those spaces, those sweet, gentle,

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sometimes ravenous places that are angry,

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like all of those little nuances about our hearts,

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we get triggered.

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But you're also gonna be triggered

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in other relationships as well.

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So we say, bring it out.

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It's so good to see you tonight, Julia.

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And so go ahead, you were gonna say something?

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Oh, no, hi, yes, good to see you too.

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Hey, I know it's a big sacrifice

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for you to be here at eight o'clock.

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So it's so good to see you.

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And anybody else is just a sacrifice.

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I just know that she has little ones.

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So it's not like, oh, y'all are not sacrifices.

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I know that she usually goes to the one o'clock.

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So that's all I'm saying.

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So anyway, bring it all.

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We're here to process with you

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and to hear what everybody else has going on

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because if they have it going on one day,

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you're gonna have it going on.

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We can all learn from each other.

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So let me speed up.

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Be sure to watch one video a week.

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You do not have to have watched a video

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to come to coaching.

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We're gonna touch on some topics

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we pull from the community.

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So what we see a lot of women are struggling with,

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we just pull that in and we do a quick teaching on it.

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No matter what it could be,

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we want to address what's going on.

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And so if you posted something

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and we see that a lot of other ladies in the community

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are also dealing with that,

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then we're gonna talk about it

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because that means we all need some help in it.

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And yeah, one video a week.

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And after you've been with us for about six or seven weeks

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and you feel like you're ready to move over

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to your last year of single

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or what we would call phase three,

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all you have to do is send an email

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to admin at JackieDorman.com.

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I think that's what it is.

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If that's not what it is, I'll tell you what it is again.

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And you just ask to be moved to the next phase.

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Although you're gonna really like this phase a lot.

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It's gonna be very hard to leave us,

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but it's okay.

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Phase three is awesome.

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All right, any questions for me?

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Those of you, this is your first time?

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First time questions, any like,

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nervousness, anything?

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Okay, if you think of something,

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you can put it in the chat or raise your hand.

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All right, I hope you guys had a good week.

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Did anyone do any of the activations this week

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or continue in an activation?

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Continuing any activations that Jackie

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may have given you guys on Supernatural Saturday?

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Nikki, you about to say something?

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I saw Julia's hand was up.

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I didn't know if you saw her avatar hand.

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I saw her hand, but Julia's, this is not her first time.

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So I was thinking she was gonna share.

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Oh, oh my bad, I'm sorry.

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I didn't know if you noticed.

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No, no, that was very kind of you, Nikki.

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I don't mind you doing that at all.

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Not at all, yeah.

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Thank you.

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We want you guys, let's see, this is the activation.

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I'm looking down at my phone, so that's what I'm doing.

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I have my stuff printed out.

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And I wanna see what our activation for us.

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And so for my new ladies that's coming,

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there's always an activation that we do.

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Say, hey, go out this week and do this.

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So sometimes we may say,

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because men know you're interested when you're smiling,

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when you go out, keep a permanent smile on your face.

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And when he looks at you to make eye contact,

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don't turn your head as quickly as you can.

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You need to make eye contact

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because you are now available, right?

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And so you'll get some help practicing that.

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Or we may say, practice your femininity.

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Allow men to do something for you,

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like open the door for you or keep groceries.

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Sometimes we may say, let's do an activation

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where you actually wear a dress.

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Sometimes some women are like, I am not wearing a dress,

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but you'll be amazed what turns on

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when you put on a really cute dress.

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You feel a lot more feminine.

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And so this week's activation is gonna be,

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listen to Supernatural Saturday

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and revisit your Jesus Cares Board.

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Who still has their Jesus Cares Board?

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Yeah, I really like my Jesus Cares Board.

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I have a Jesus Cares Board no matter where I am.

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Revisit it, and if there are any cares that you have,

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you need to, give me one second,

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my computer wants to do an update and I need to stop it.

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Okay.

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Hey, buddy.

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I'm still here.

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I need to schedule this restart before it shuts down on me.

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I'm back.

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You wanna come?

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You wanna come in my lap?

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Oh, there's somebody else talking.

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Okay.

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All right.

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So we're going to revisit your Jesus Cares Board.

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Is there anything you need to toss on there?

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Now's gonna be a time to do it.

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On Supernatural Saturday, Jackie said,

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think about all the things

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that are living in your head rent-free.

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Maybe it's a timeline.

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I should have been married by now.

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How long, I mean, this should have happened.

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I want children.

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I want a family.

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I mean, how, I mean, I just,

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I need to get this done with, right?

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That type of stuff that's living in your head rent-free.

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There could be other things that you're concerned about.

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If you have children,

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there could be a concern that you have about your child

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that only Jesus can handle.

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Only the Lord can do.

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It could be a sickness with your parents.

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It could be anything that's happening in your world

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that you are worried.

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It is running over and over.

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Oh, if y'all are like me,

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I have to really break my thought pattern

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because I will keep meditating on the same thing.

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Oh, I create a whole story about it.

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And so women tend to do that.

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Why didn't he answer the phone when I called?

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Last time he answered the phone,

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he used to answer the phone.

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We used to talk all day long.

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Oh, he must be on the dating site.

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I wouldn't be talking to anybody else.

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All these different thoughts

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that keep going through our mind over and over.

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Any of those thoughts,

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we want to toss them onto the Jesus Cares Board this week.

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Look for them, hunt those thoughts down

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because I'm telling you,

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it's some stuff rolling over in your head

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that you have no control over,

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but the Father has absolute control over.

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And if you got to put your whole self

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on your Jesus Cares Board,

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put you on there and give him,

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the Bible says to cast all of your cares upon me

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because I care for you.

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That's what Jesus said to do.

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And we want you guys to practice it.

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Sounds good?

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Sounds good to me too.

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Okay.

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So,

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let's go into questions.

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Okay.

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Go for it, Julie.

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And you just raise your hand

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with any scenarios that you have that you want to share.

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We usually run out of time

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and I don't like running out of time anymore.

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Okay.

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Go for it, Julia.

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All right.

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Well, so I actually was pretty surprised.

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I have a friend that just is a really,

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they're really good friends.

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I don't, I'm not sure how spiritual they are,

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but they're really good friends.

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And they're like,

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we have this guy that we want you to meet.

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And so I finally,

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I've been talking to him for probably a month,

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just not much.

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Just, you know, I talked to him on the phone once

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and we set up a time that we were gonna,

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the time period that we were gonna meet up.

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And just on like maybe once a week,

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he sent me a text just like,

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hey, how's it going?

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But anyway, I was actually really surprised

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that when I sat down with him,

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like it was like,

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I didn't cry.

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Like he was genuinely just a mature person.

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Well, so anyway,

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I just wanted a little bit of guidance

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because he does.

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travel for work right now. So like, I'm not, I'm not seeing

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him regularly, if that makes sense. Like, he's like, I'll be

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back in town in a month, we can maybe touch base at that time,

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whatever. I'm just kind of wondering, as far as guidance

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goes, what when you're long distance like that, like, how

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often should we be talking, you know, like, I actually reached

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out to him and like, he's like, you know, I'm so glad you

266
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reached out because I didn't know how you felt. Like, he

267
00:10:30.860 --> 00:10:33.780
didn't, he's like, I'm really bad at reading things. So I'm

268
00:10:33.780 --> 00:10:36.380
really glad that, you know, you reached out or whatever. So I

269
00:10:36.380 --> 00:10:39.020
just don't know what's like, what's appropriate. And I don't

270
00:10:39.020 --> 00:10:42.260
want to go more in depth than needs to, you know what I mean?

271
00:10:42.260 --> 00:10:45.460
Because I don't know him well yet, you know, talked once,

272
00:10:45.620 --> 00:10:47.180
like, so, yeah.

273
00:10:47.660 --> 00:10:52.020
Yeah, I think that this is definitely going to be

274
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challenging to navigate. If you're saying that for an

275
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entire month, and you'll see him again. And so that means

276
00:10:59.740 --> 00:11:02.300
that it's going to require you to talk to him a lot more.

277
00:11:04.140 --> 00:11:05.780
I know. Well, he wants to.

278
00:11:05.900 --> 00:11:07.900
I mean, and we don't talk to each other. Like, I'm just

279
00:11:07.900 --> 00:11:10.540
talking to him about what he's doing for his job. He got laid

280
00:11:10.540 --> 00:11:14.660
off last year. And so took just kind of a different job. Now

281
00:11:14.660 --> 00:11:19.540
he's traveling for a guy working for a guy as a mechanic. And he

282
00:11:19.540 --> 00:11:24.060
travels all over to do that. But anyway, yeah, I just, I don't

283
00:11:24.060 --> 00:11:26.580
like I don't want to get too attached either. You know how we

284
00:11:26.580 --> 00:11:30.060
are, like, the more we talk, and I'm like, I don't know enough

285
00:11:30.060 --> 00:11:33.100
about him to like, you know, but I guess this is how I get to

286
00:11:33.100 --> 00:11:37.700
know, right? I just, how are you? What are you doing? Or like,

287
00:11:37.740 --> 00:11:40.460
you know, just explain to me kind of what what he's doing.

288
00:11:40.460 --> 00:11:41.660
And yeah, I don't know.

289
00:11:41.700 --> 00:11:44.820
What is what is home for him? Is it in your town?

290
00:11:45.380 --> 00:11:50.900
It's like an hour. So he actually sold his house. And

291
00:11:50.940 --> 00:11:53.820
when he took this job, he signed on for a year. It's a year

292
00:11:53.820 --> 00:11:57.700
contract. He lives with his brother when he's is home. Right

293
00:11:57.700 --> 00:12:02.260
now. Yeah. So like, that's another thing. Like he, he loves

294
00:12:02.260 --> 00:12:06.300
kit, like he loves kids. He's mature. He's his kids are grown.

295
00:12:06.340 --> 00:12:11.300
They're out of the house now. Like, so that's why he's like,

296
00:12:11.300 --> 00:12:15.780
you know what, I'm just gonna do this. I he had a 15 year job at

297
00:12:15.780 --> 00:12:18.860
this manufacturing place. And they laid off 300 people. So

298
00:12:18.860 --> 00:12:22.500
he's like, you know what, I'm just gonna do this. So yeah. But

299
00:12:22.500 --> 00:12:25.580
anyway, so what's I mean, I don't know, we'll have to get to

300
00:12:25.580 --> 00:12:28.980
know each other a little bit more. But I was actually kind of

301
00:12:28.980 --> 00:12:33.860
amazed at like, just the kind of person he is. He was, I guess he

302
00:12:33.860 --> 00:12:36.820
was a supervisor, like at his job. So he's really good with

303
00:12:36.820 --> 00:12:41.140
people. And he's really got like a calm demeanor. And I just, I

304
00:12:41.140 --> 00:12:44.660
don't know how deep his faith is. But again, like, when do I

305
00:12:44.660 --> 00:12:47.420
start talking to him about that? I don't want to get too deep and

306
00:12:47.500 --> 00:12:49.900
and find out that there's nothing there. You know what I

307
00:12:49.900 --> 00:12:50.300
mean?

308
00:12:50.860 --> 00:12:53.700
Well, so that's what I was gonna say to you. First, my question

309
00:12:53.700 --> 00:12:58.980
is to you, do you want to invest in this? Just tell me you're not

310
00:12:58.980 --> 00:13:02.300
don't think about, well, if he's a great guy, just after that,

311
00:13:02.300 --> 00:13:03.020
yes or no?

312
00:13:03.700 --> 00:13:06.620
Yeah, I mean, I want to get to know him more. I want to get to

313
00:13:06.620 --> 00:13:09.740
know him more to see where things are. But at the same

314
00:13:09.740 --> 00:13:12.940
time, you know how it is, you're like, I don't want to waste my

315
00:13:12.940 --> 00:13:17.020
time. Because that's a non negotiable, right? That, like

316
00:13:17.060 --> 00:13:20.660
well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you this. So if you want to get

317
00:13:20.660 --> 00:13:23.460
to know him, you want to get to know him. And I want to say this

318
00:13:23.460 --> 00:13:30.540
you guys. You know, we have our anthem ladies that we don't

319
00:13:30.540 --> 00:13:37.260
want to waste our time. But you cannot predict the future. We

320
00:13:37.260 --> 00:13:39.660
all have this like, I don't want to get to liking you and then

321
00:13:39.700 --> 00:13:42.900
Oh, you're it's not it. It's not gonna work. You're probably

322
00:13:42.900 --> 00:13:46.540
gonna have a lot of those. Because you're dating and you're

323
00:13:46.540 --> 00:13:50.020
getting to know people. And I know that feels super scary. But

324
00:13:50.020 --> 00:13:53.860
it's just a part of the process. Every lady on here by actually

325
00:13:53.860 --> 00:13:57.220
to raise your hand, you're gonna say I want me an Amazon man sit

326
00:13:57.220 --> 00:14:00.660
to my door with a stamp on from the Lord that says he's the one

327
00:14:03.140 --> 00:14:06.500
none of us get that you may hear a few stories here and there.

328
00:14:06.500 --> 00:14:08.060
You know, you hear those supernatural stories and you

329
00:14:08.060 --> 00:14:12.380
just want that one to be yours. It's true. I get it. But for the

330
00:14:12.380 --> 00:14:17.380
majority, you date and you spend time and so then that comes to

331
00:14:17.380 --> 00:14:19.660
this and I just want to take a little more time to unpack this.

332
00:14:19.780 --> 00:14:24.700
How do you protect your heart in the process? You protect your

333
00:14:24.700 --> 00:14:27.900
heart in the process by following the boundaries that

334
00:14:27.900 --> 00:14:32.380
we've suggested to you. Meaning you don't get start sharing

335
00:14:32.420 --> 00:14:36.020
emotional things that you don't do any physical touching. It

336
00:14:36.020 --> 00:14:39.980
matters you guys. It matters when you kiss somebody. It

337
00:14:39.980 --> 00:14:43.180
matters when you start being real touchy. Because I'm telling

338
00:14:43.180 --> 00:14:46.420
you at the end of that month or the second month and you've gone

339
00:14:46.420 --> 00:14:49.460
into la la land skipping on the clouds about this man in the

340
00:14:49.500 --> 00:14:52.700
ends, your heart is going to be hurt more when you cross

341
00:14:52.700 --> 00:14:55.620
physical boundaries. It's just something that connects you with

342
00:14:55.620 --> 00:14:59.260
the man it blinds you. You can't see things. This is science. It's

343
00:14:59.260 --> 00:14:59.860
not just

344
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.080
The what Jackie said it's a real thing

345
00:15:03.080 --> 00:15:09.480
And so if you want to guard I say you're gonna take the journey guard your heart in the process

346
00:15:11.160 --> 00:15:13.160
None of us are

347
00:15:13.200 --> 00:15:15.200
Just that deep

348
00:15:15.320 --> 00:15:18.000
None of us. It's not true either

349
00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:23.040
You don't understand that you don't spill your pearl before swine because they will trample over it

350
00:15:23.040 --> 00:15:30.040
You don't understand that when you sit down and you say well, I just I just go deep I just talk no you just are lack-wisdom

351
00:15:30.920 --> 00:15:36.440
Because you don't take all of the good that you have and lay it out on the table to a stranger

352
00:15:37.000 --> 00:15:39.120
You go to the community the people, you know

353
00:15:39.120 --> 00:15:45.720
Who honor you who value you and you share your wisdom in your pearls with people who love you?

354
00:15:45.720 --> 00:15:47.720
Not with strangers

355
00:15:48.280 --> 00:15:50.280
You don't know this person

356
00:15:50.280 --> 00:15:55.040
And they haven't got a chance to even know you to value you to honor you

357
00:15:55.560 --> 00:16:01.160
Do you get what I'm saying? And so that's why we learn how to have healthy connections through healthy

358
00:16:01.840 --> 00:16:05.440
Communication that says I am NOT gonna do devotional with you

359
00:16:05.440 --> 00:16:09.640
I'm not gonna pray with you because I know that

360
00:16:10.280 --> 00:16:15.320
Spiritual can make you think you know a person more than you do and you don't know them

361
00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:19.840
We are fruit inspectors that means observe your behavior

362
00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:24.400
So if you say you're generous, I'll be able to tell if you're generous give me a month's time

363
00:16:25.720 --> 00:16:30.760
If you love God so much, I'm gonna find out if you love God so much

364
00:16:32.360 --> 00:16:34.760
Because I'm gonna find out by the way you honor my body

365
00:16:35.280 --> 00:16:39.880
I'm gonna find out even when I push on you and want to kiss and I want to do things more

366
00:16:39.880 --> 00:16:42.200
You're gonna say no, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that

367
00:16:42.200 --> 00:16:46.840
I'm gonna find out even when I push on you and want to kiss and I want to do things more

368
00:16:46.840 --> 00:16:54.760
You're gonna say no, I honor my God. You won't be controlled by my lack of discipline. I will know if you love God so much

369
00:16:56.760 --> 00:17:03.280
And it's gonna come out and more than your words and so when we guard ourselves and we come in with the plan

370
00:17:03.800 --> 00:17:09.240
When you get to that two-month time that you took investing in this because you felt like he was worth investment

371
00:17:09.240 --> 00:17:12.040
And it's nothing wrong with seeing a man and saying you know what?

372
00:17:12.200 --> 00:17:16.560
I think I'll take this a little further and that's the yes till it's a no

373
00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:20.400
And so now we arrived to what Julia is

374
00:17:20.720 --> 00:17:25.800
It's a yes until it's a no and so now she's saying yes until she gets to a no

375
00:17:25.800 --> 00:17:31.120
And so what I say to you Julie, you have to be very intentional in your conversations with him

376
00:17:31.440 --> 00:17:33.760
Because when we all we have is a phone

377
00:17:33.840 --> 00:17:39.600
That's all we have are the voices you start talking you have to talk more than you would if you were meeting up for a date

378
00:17:39.600 --> 00:17:41.320
once a week

379
00:17:41.320 --> 00:17:43.320
so now the

380
00:17:43.760 --> 00:17:50.120
The temptation or the ease of over talking happens without can do it without your permission

381
00:17:50.120 --> 00:17:56.240
Like you wouldn't be intentionally doing so what I do Julia and what I would encourage everybody to do

382
00:17:56.240 --> 00:18:01.680
I plan my conversations. You're gonna like well who could do that? I plan in my head

383
00:18:03.080 --> 00:18:07.260
That there are certain questions. I'm just not gonna ask because I know what they produce

384
00:18:08.180 --> 00:18:13.020
There are certain things about my life, I'm just not gonna share because I know what it produces

385
00:18:14.620 --> 00:18:15.900
Right

386
00:18:15.900 --> 00:18:17.580
so, um

387
00:18:17.580 --> 00:18:23.900
You have to just be real strategic and even when you see a conversation not be afraid go into it. Enjoy yourself

388
00:18:23.900 --> 00:18:25.900
But when you see your conversation take a shift

389
00:18:25.940 --> 00:18:29.180
You just find a way to shift it back around or say you know what?

390
00:18:29.180 --> 00:18:31.580
I really didn't want to talk about this this soon

391
00:18:31.740 --> 00:18:36.220
Thank you for sharing about your ex or whatever you felt safe enough to do that with me

392
00:18:36.220 --> 00:18:38.940
But this is just not a conversation. I'm ready to have right now

393
00:18:39.580 --> 00:18:41.580
Just simple lines like that

394
00:18:42.020 --> 00:18:47.380
And you know when you do that it helps you determine if a person can honor boundaries

395
00:18:50.100 --> 00:18:56.220
And so a lot of times you think well, I don't want to waste my time but you got to practice setting a boundary

396
00:18:57.260 --> 00:19:03.980
you got to practice observing a person's behavior, particularly a man to see if he honors your boundaries and

397
00:19:04.820 --> 00:19:09.360
So some men I know they don't say they're easier to practice with

398
00:19:10.140 --> 00:19:15.740
It's a lower stake like see yourself in a low stakes dating situation right now

399
00:19:16.460 --> 00:19:18.460
You're in complete control

400
00:19:19.020 --> 00:19:22.600
You've gone through the hard work. You have a coach on your team

401
00:19:23.260 --> 00:19:27.100
You're gonna win no matter what and you can always block them

402
00:19:29.780 --> 00:19:31.100
And

403
00:19:31.140 --> 00:19:33.860
The more you see yourself with an advantage

404
00:19:34.500 --> 00:19:39.180
The better you do in a relationship instead of I hope I don't mess up and I know it

405
00:19:39.180 --> 00:19:42.220
I know what you think cuz I've been there like I hope I don't miss okay

406
00:19:42.220 --> 00:19:44.980
They said don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do this and I am a talker

407
00:19:44.980 --> 00:19:48.260
So I'll be like what she mean this is who I am

408
00:19:49.220 --> 00:19:55.860
But I had to learn that there are healthy ways to make a connection and then they're unhealthy ways to make a connection

409
00:19:55.860 --> 00:20:00.020
All right, so you wouldn't walk up to somebody if you're a local grocery store

410
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.000
Don't kiss them in their mouth with you

411
00:20:03.880 --> 00:20:08.440
But would you go out on a date with a man have dinner one night and he walks you to the car you kiss him

412
00:20:08.440 --> 00:20:10.440
And you call it sweet

413
00:20:12.240 --> 00:20:16.640
Something's a little off with it. That's the man from a TV. That's the man from the grocery store

414
00:20:17.440 --> 00:20:19.940
And you cuz you broke bread with him now, you know

415
00:20:23.040 --> 00:20:29.800
Right, so all of those things so that's what I'm saying Julia, I think if you're interested you think he's interesting

416
00:20:29.800 --> 00:20:36.000
I think that you should go for and I just think that you should just be real intentional in your conversations

417
00:20:36.000 --> 00:20:38.000
I would even write down questions

418
00:20:38.200 --> 00:20:43.320
Like question starters to talk about and you can say it like I wrote down these questions that we can get to know each other

419
00:20:43.320 --> 00:20:48.840
Oh, that's so sweet. Maybe I'm saving kissing for my wedding day. You go girl

420
00:20:50.160 --> 00:20:54.600
I'm in the saving kissing for my wedding day club, too. So you are not alone

421
00:20:55.120 --> 00:21:00.520
Yeah, yeah kissing has always gotten Ebony in trouble so I have to do what this serves me

422
00:21:01.040 --> 00:21:04.040
It has never paid out for me. Well it oh

423
00:21:12.360 --> 00:21:14.360
Different I think we actually get a

424
00:21:15.440 --> 00:21:17.840
hormone release what we do I

425
00:21:18.760 --> 00:21:23.280
The woman releases it when she keep had it feel and feel it feels so good

426
00:21:25.200 --> 00:21:32.800
Yeah, but it's not you're right, right I guess I guess I have to be really care like I just have to be more cautious

427
00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:36.840
Um, and that was another question. I had like how

428
00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:41.520
Cuz I met him once right we talked for an hour

429
00:21:41.520 --> 00:21:43.560
I said I enjoyed my time, you know

430
00:21:43.840 --> 00:21:48.800
We should try to get to know each other better and he just he just took my hands and he's like wow you got dirt

431
00:21:48.800 --> 00:21:51.760
Under your nails like pull them back. I was like, yeah

432
00:21:52.360 --> 00:21:54.360
I've been working today

433
00:21:54.360 --> 00:21:59.960
But that kind of made me nerve like I'm just not used to that. I don't know why I had that reaction, but

434
00:22:01.120 --> 00:22:03.120
anyway

435
00:22:03.400 --> 00:22:07.680
Go ahead. Yeah, it could be a good conversation topic. You can say what made you notice my nails

436
00:22:08.680 --> 00:22:14.480
He's like don't apologize I like dirt under your nails, that's what he said so but but anyway, yeah

437
00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:26.920
Okay, go for it and keep us updated and you know, it helps to talk to the second person too, yes

438
00:22:26.920 --> 00:22:33.440
Yes now so thank you because I had written about those things and I I'm just nervous because I just didn't know how to

439
00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:36.240
Navigate it. So thank you. You're welcome

440
00:22:36.240 --> 00:22:37.640
You're welcome

441
00:22:37.640 --> 00:22:39.640
All right, Karen

442
00:22:45.400 --> 00:22:51.400
Hello Ebony hi guys, um, I wanted to let you know that I will be moving into phase three

443
00:22:52.120 --> 00:22:59.360
And I know I really I really wish I could stay I would probably stay a very very long time here

444
00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:02.760
But I have not had any dates

445
00:23:03.720 --> 00:23:05.720
I've had one date. I'm sorry. I've had one date

446
00:23:06.680 --> 00:23:13.560
but one of the things I wanted to share was that I learned so much and just being here and

447
00:23:14.560 --> 00:23:20.480
so one of the things as a people pleaser was I finally have started to learn exactly what I need and to be able to

448
00:23:20.480 --> 00:23:22.480
Articulate what I need

449
00:23:23.560 --> 00:23:29.440
Especially with some of the connections who have not panned out or have wanted to keep me on the line

450
00:23:29.960 --> 00:23:33.760
Totally texting forever in a day and they want to be 10,000

451
00:23:33.760 --> 00:23:38.440
I never really was able to convert it into a date with the exception of that one

452
00:23:40.200 --> 00:23:47.080
But I really know that it's so valuable to be here and the other thing I also noticed was every connection

453
00:23:47.080 --> 00:23:51.400
I made brought different parts of me out or highlighted different parts of who I was

454
00:23:51.800 --> 00:23:54.000
So the conversations are so different

455
00:23:54.000 --> 00:24:01.040
so I felt like my experience in phase two introduced me more to who God created me to be and

456
00:24:01.560 --> 00:24:06.640
Who the the parts of myself and I will even say the parts of myself that are pretty cool

457
00:24:06.920 --> 00:24:13.640
The parts of myself that are quirky and cool and you know what? I mean? And yes, I've noticed my little quirks, too

458
00:24:14.880 --> 00:24:20.960
But it's all been just a really wonderful experience. I'm gonna miss everybody so much. I really am

459
00:24:21.960 --> 00:24:26.680
I'm gonna cry, but I really do feel like God is saying it's time to move on

460
00:24:27.480 --> 00:24:28.600
Yeah

461
00:24:28.600 --> 00:24:30.000
We love you, Karen

462
00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:36.880
Thank you so much for sharing and so much we we appreciate all of the wisdom and the energy and the support that you brought

463
00:24:37.320 --> 00:24:42.920
To the tribe in this phase and so we're happy for you. I love you guys so much

464
00:24:42.920 --> 00:24:48.820
I promise you if you guys have my number, please text me. I will even put it in the chat again. So please text me

465
00:24:49.340 --> 00:24:51.340
Yeah

466
00:24:52.900 --> 00:24:59.980
Yeah, okay, I'm gonna put I'm gonna put my number in so you guys yes me please please text me all of you

467
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:13.040
text me all of us text her get that number all right karishma can i get it right again yeah karishma

468
00:25:17.360 --> 00:25:25.440
hi ebony hey so i have a lot go for it i grew up in a different faith um i

469
00:25:26.160 --> 00:25:34.000
got saved 10 years ago uh the faith and the religion i grew up in um you know marriage

470
00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:41.520
is spoken about since the time you are a child um and as you go to your um you know and parents

471
00:25:41.520 --> 00:25:49.120
start arranging marriages at an early age and when i got to that point of 17 18 years old it was

472
00:25:49.120 --> 00:25:55.600
like already there was like this um you start dating people in your prayer hall and parents

473
00:25:55.600 --> 00:26:02.880
are involved right so it made dating and meeting people safe um and kind of easy because your

474
00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:06.800
parent like you know you were you were in safe zones because your parents were involved and

475
00:26:06.800 --> 00:26:15.520
his parents were involved so it was um i was engaged um early in my 20s it it didn't uh work

476
00:26:15.520 --> 00:26:21.680
out um and then a few years later i got saved and i uh started going to church and i was like

477
00:26:21.680 --> 00:26:29.200
oh my gosh the guys in church are so different than from the faith and the religion i grew up in

478
00:26:29.200 --> 00:26:36.560
it's a different mindset um christianity um i'm sorry but like i just felt like christian men

479
00:26:36.560 --> 00:26:44.240
were very passive um and not marriage focused uh not protectors didn't worry about providing

480
00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:48.880
where i grew up in a faith where the man is called to provide and protect that's all you're taught

481
00:26:49.520 --> 00:26:56.240
um and i grew up with a father that was like that so for me it was a huge culture shock um

482
00:26:57.760 --> 00:27:06.720
going to church um so i started online dating um and i would uh just attract the wrong type of

483
00:27:06.720 --> 00:27:14.960
person um it would either be i need a strong man because i have uh control issues and i've always

484
00:27:14.960 --> 00:27:23.600
kind of uh been in charge of my household of my parents and things like that so i needed i want i

485
00:27:23.600 --> 00:27:29.840
want a man that's that's going to put me in my place if i could just say that right um not be

486
00:27:29.840 --> 00:27:36.080
afraid to say no to me or make decisions or um more like a partner than a passive person

487
00:27:36.800 --> 00:27:41.680
um so i did meet somebody that's been in and out of my life for 10 years he's a pastor

488
00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:49.840
um and but he believed in having sex and doing those other worldly things and um he would come

489
00:27:49.840 --> 00:27:55.200
in and out and i finally just blocked him i said this this doesn't line up with the word of god i

490
00:27:55.200 --> 00:28:01.040
i'm choosing to say celibate you know till i get married and he just didn't understand that

491
00:28:01.040 --> 00:28:05.360
but he popped in and out and for a little while it would feel good because you know the

492
00:28:06.000 --> 00:28:11.760
the love bombing would you know just feel good um and then i you know i would go on and off

493
00:28:11.760 --> 00:28:18.160
online dating and attract more guys that knew their word which i find very attractive i love

494
00:28:18.160 --> 00:28:23.200
studying the word together and the man leading bible studies and stuff but then they would believe

495
00:28:23.200 --> 00:28:28.720
in it was like a half in half out but they would believe in physical intimacy and things like that

496
00:28:29.280 --> 00:28:35.200
um and otherwise i would attract passive guys where i would lead the bible studies and they

497
00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:40.080
would not want to you know they would want to have they would want to wait until marriage for

498
00:28:40.080 --> 00:28:47.840
those intimate um things uh but it was just like i can't like i was i was pulling a load behind me

499
00:28:47.840 --> 00:28:52.880
like i was leading and it was just not fun so um

500
00:28:57.440 --> 00:29:02.320
vacuum in the dating 101 and she's like these are the things you don't talk about on the first date

501
00:29:02.320 --> 00:29:07.680
or the second date i'm like i did all of those things like because i had that mindset from my

502
00:29:07.680 --> 00:29:14.240
my former faith that you date to get married so you just vomit everything right to the other person

503
00:29:14.320 --> 00:29:19.280
the family just vomits everything that everybody knows everybody so when i was going on these dates

504
00:29:19.280 --> 00:29:24.240
it was just the first date like that person just i was just throwing my pearls to swine like you

505
00:29:24.240 --> 00:29:29.040
just said um and you know two weeks ago you had said something and i was like i can't believe she

506
00:29:29.040 --> 00:29:34.160
said that but i'm like she's so right you said um you know just because a person speaks that

507
00:29:34.160 --> 00:29:41.280
they're a christian or they know certain verses that does not make them a christian so um you know

508
00:29:41.280 --> 00:29:47.440
give other men chances because sometimes guys won't talk about their spirituality so quick on a

509
00:29:47.440 --> 00:29:56.560
date or in the courting season so my thing is um you know every time we talk i i admire the

510
00:29:56.560 --> 00:29:59.840
all the women that are going online and dating like what sites are they going

511
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.760
because I don't want to go on match. I've been there, done that. I don't want to do

512
00:30:03.760 --> 00:30:12.560
e-harmony. You've been there, done that. Like, you know, I'm in my 40s. Like, what site do I go on,

513
00:30:13.520 --> 00:30:18.480
which is safe? And then, like, how do I do this? Like, because I have such a bad taste and I've

514
00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:25.040
attracted, I've attracted the wrong, it's like the opposite spectrum, right? Like, I haven't

515
00:30:25.040 --> 00:30:29.760
met a balanced Christian man. And I remember telling my Christian friends, I'm like, man,

516
00:30:29.760 --> 00:30:35.280
I want to go back to my former faith because the men were so balanced. And I know I can't date that

517
00:30:35.280 --> 00:30:41.440
faith, that religion. So it's just very difficult. Like, it has been very difficult as a Christian.

518
00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:47.360
And, you know, my mom looks at me and she's like, why? Like, you know, and I, she's met one or two

519
00:30:47.360 --> 00:30:52.080
of the guys I've dated that I kind of got serious with or like dated for 10 months. And then I'm

520
00:30:52.080 --> 00:30:57.360
like, oh, he's not the one. And my mom's like, what's up with these Christian men? And, you know,

521
00:30:57.360 --> 00:31:04.480
she's already against my change, right? My encounter with Jesus and following Christianity

522
00:31:04.480 --> 00:31:09.040
because she believes, you know, she's a different faith. And she's like, why don't you just go back?

523
00:31:09.040 --> 00:31:14.240
Just go back. And that's a fight. That's a spiritual fight. I fight on a daily basis.

524
00:31:14.240 --> 00:31:17.520
But it's like, how do I go back online? Because I've had such a bad experience.

525
00:31:18.400 --> 00:31:24.160
I'm learning from you and the videos of what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to do.

526
00:31:25.200 --> 00:31:30.080
But still, like, it just, I'm like, I don't, it's tiring. Like, you know, on the second day,

527
00:31:30.080 --> 00:31:35.680
the guy wants to get married. And it's like, like, I just want a balanced person. And yeah,

528
00:31:35.680 --> 00:31:39.760
I'm waiting for that Amazon package that says he's the one. I'm not going to lie to you,

529
00:31:39.760 --> 00:31:44.400
because I've dated a lot of Christian men. And I'm like, I don't. And the only reason

530
00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:50.640
I'm doing this Ebony is I lost my father earlier this year. And his one dream was

531
00:31:52.560 --> 00:31:57.440
to see me get married to have a man in my life that was that would protect and provide for me.

532
00:31:58.080 --> 00:32:05.920
And the day I signed up for part work, he passed away the next day, back in January. So I took a,

533
00:32:05.920 --> 00:32:09.600
you know, I took a six months or five month fault. And I got an email saying, you know,

534
00:32:09.600 --> 00:32:15.520
you paid for it? Are you know, are we gonna activate your account? And my friends are like,

535
00:32:15.520 --> 00:32:21.920
just just do it. You need you know, you need this right now. So that's why I am here. But now I'm

536
00:32:21.920 --> 00:32:27.600
on phase two. And I'm like, I don't want to go through that circus. And it's it's a shame that

537
00:32:27.600 --> 00:32:32.640
I'm calling it a circus. But but that's the experience I've had, you know, like, just

538
00:32:33.280 --> 00:32:38.240
toxic guys want to get married on the second date when I have sex or don't want to leave.

539
00:32:40.400 --> 00:32:48.640
Yeah. So yeah, where do I go from here? Well, thank you for sharing. That was really insightful.

540
00:32:48.640 --> 00:32:56.720
And I'm so sorry for about your father. I want you to know that. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna

541
00:32:56.720 --> 00:33:05.200
share with you, but then I want to pray with you. Um, so I could only imagine coming from your

542
00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:10.720
culture to this westernized culture. And even if we had to break it down according to religion,

543
00:33:11.280 --> 00:33:18.320
right, um, it is a lot different. So I have friends who, well, one of my students talked

544
00:33:18.320 --> 00:33:23.680
about the way the way they get married, I think they're from not Iran, but another country over

545
00:33:23.680 --> 00:33:27.040
there. So he told me about when his mom and dad got married, he said, you sit down and the other

546
00:33:27.040 --> 00:33:31.200
person tell the other person everything about their life, that you don't date on your lawn,

547
00:33:31.200 --> 00:33:36.000
you have your family with you, you the courting process is not that long, because you don't need

548
00:33:36.000 --> 00:33:40.800
all that time, y'all agreed, the parents agreed that this is going to be good. And they get married

549
00:33:40.800 --> 00:33:44.480
in the man there, that is their number one priority, like we're going to provide you take

550
00:33:44.480 --> 00:33:49.200
them from their father, then your responsibilities now provide and take care of them. And that is

551
00:33:49.200 --> 00:33:55.040
what every woman desires. And I believe that's the way that has been designed. I feel like when

552
00:33:55.040 --> 00:34:02.080
the father says if I give remove my name to give you give her you take her she gets your name now,

553
00:34:02.080 --> 00:34:08.960
that means you're gonna do what I did, right? Because now she has your name, that means that

554
00:34:08.960 --> 00:34:13.199
she's yours. And then you should care for her. I gotta know that when I pass her off to you,

555
00:34:13.199 --> 00:34:18.239
you're doing even better than I did, because you she has your name now.

556
00:34:19.199 --> 00:34:25.199
I think that's so deep, because my parents were arranged, and they were married for 45 years.

557
00:34:26.400 --> 00:34:32.400
Right now, my middle name, I don't get to pick. So my middle name is my dad's first name, I'm still

558
00:34:32.400 --> 00:34:39.520
under his covering. Oh, wow. So when I get married, I take over my husband's first name,

559
00:34:39.520 --> 00:34:45.120
because now he's my covering. So like, you know, in the in the in the Western culture,

560
00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:52.560
culture, you get to pick your middle name. In the religion I came from, no, it's either your

561
00:34:52.560 --> 00:34:59.520
father's or your husband's for the girl. Whoever's covering Yes, is your middle name. So there's a

562
00:34:59.520 --> 00:34:59.760
lot of

563
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.680
significance in that right yeah it is and just to make it clear i i grew up as a muslim

564
00:35:06.240 --> 00:35:11.360
um i am from india but i grew up as a shia muslim and you know there's a lot of significance to

565
00:35:11.360 --> 00:35:20.880
marriage which i feel like um the western church does not carry yeah yeah um so i hear you on that

566
00:35:20.880 --> 00:35:25.760
and that is an interesting place to be and i've never had this uh scenario before and so i'm just

567
00:35:25.760 --> 00:35:33.360
eating it up and uh and i hear your heart in the matter and i would be amissed if i didn't speak

568
00:35:33.360 --> 00:35:42.320
into this for you because the bible says that in christ jesus we become new creations and i know

569
00:35:42.320 --> 00:35:51.200
if you've gotten a lot of bad examples from humans who have brokenness and trauma and wounds

570
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:59.120
but i want you to know it's not a reflection of your savior and your savior designed marriage

571
00:35:59.120 --> 00:36:03.840
no matter what cultures it go it is in whether they do it this way over here they do it this

572
00:36:03.840 --> 00:36:10.640
way over here he designed marriage and now you're in partnership with the designer of marriage

573
00:36:11.600 --> 00:36:18.160
and you and what you what you said by showing up is god i want to do it your way

574
00:36:18.960 --> 00:36:24.240
i know my culture has the way and i like it and i'm in this western church and i don't like the

575
00:36:24.240 --> 00:36:30.000
way these men are and they're not meeting the mark but jesus set the mark jesus set the standard and

576
00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:37.680
he is the he is the source of all things and so that means that he has something that looks like

577
00:36:37.680 --> 00:36:42.720
him that talks like him that walks like him how do i know because when we came into christ we

578
00:36:43.200 --> 00:36:52.080
became new creations just like you are a new creation and you are a new creation that also

579
00:36:52.080 --> 00:36:56.720
walks in weaknesses and what the lord does in his wisdom he takes a man and he partners with the

580
00:36:56.720 --> 00:37:02.640
woman and we meet the need of the other so one has a weakness the other has a strength one has a

581
00:37:02.640 --> 00:37:07.520
strength the other has a weakness and he brings us together because the bible says that marriage

582
00:37:07.520 --> 00:37:13.040
is a reflection of what we get with the bride and where the bridegroom it is a physical it

583
00:37:13.040 --> 00:37:19.360
is his way of maturing us it's his way of sharpening us and so in the process there

584
00:37:19.360 --> 00:37:23.760
gonna be a lot of people that you have to pass up because guess what

585
00:37:26.240 --> 00:37:30.880
we after you get to a certain level of understanding and knowledge of what god

586
00:37:30.880 --> 00:37:38.080
wants to do every man don't fit the bill and you're gonna pass up more than you get to select

587
00:37:38.080 --> 00:37:45.680
because it only takes one and i just want to speak that over your heart because now you're in the

588
00:37:45.680 --> 00:37:50.800
partner you're in partnership with the one who designed marriage that when adam went to sleep

589
00:37:50.800 --> 00:37:57.920
and woke up he looked at eve and he said i know you you are bone of my bone you are flesh of my

590
00:37:57.920 --> 00:38:08.160
flesh he called that woman his wife because that's the god we serve and so this is the thing

591
00:38:09.520 --> 00:38:12.960
when we want god's results we have to do god's process

592
00:38:15.040 --> 00:38:20.560
and we may get tired and we may know a shortcut and we may know another way and we may know the

593
00:38:20.560 --> 00:38:25.280
way they do it over there but when we come in partnership with him he says it's my way

594
00:38:25.280 --> 00:38:32.640
and my way yields the best and highest results my way does will you walk with me and take my way

595
00:38:33.200 --> 00:38:38.160
and this is me speaking over your soul this is me speaking over your heart i'm washing you

596
00:38:38.160 --> 00:38:44.160
in the word because the lord wants you to be washed in his word he wants you to know that

597
00:38:44.160 --> 00:38:49.440
you're in partnership with the one who designed marriage and he says i really feel this word for

598
00:38:49.440 --> 00:38:54.000
you christian he says when he gets done with you you're gonna look at the way your culture did and

599
00:38:54.000 --> 00:39:00.000
you're gonna say it doesn't come close to what my god designed he says when he gets done with you

600
00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:04.080
you're gonna know that he is the lord who established marriage in the earth and nobody

601
00:39:04.080 --> 00:39:13.200
can do it like he can and so i want to encourage you not because you you look like you're not going

602
00:39:13.200 --> 00:39:17.440
it's it's not i'm not it's like this is an encourage i just the lord just really wants

603
00:39:17.440 --> 00:39:22.400
to wash over you with this truth he says don't be dismayed by the things that you see

604
00:39:22.960 --> 00:39:27.200
because when the best comes you're gonna realize the rest just wouldn't do

605
00:39:28.240 --> 00:39:33.040
you're gonna realize what you set up for was nowhere near close to what he had in store for you

606
00:39:35.360 --> 00:39:41.600
and so i want to say that to you and i want to tell you that i'm excited for you the lord had

607
00:39:41.600 --> 00:39:48.080
to teach me this he said if you want my results you have to do it my way and we said well i'm

608
00:39:48.800 --> 00:39:55.280
signed up he said well come on let me get you ready let me sharpen you let me tie up the loose

609
00:39:55.280 --> 00:39:59.520
ends and i'm gonna leave some places vulnerable and open because you're gonna see what it's like

610
00:39:59.520 --> 00:39:59.920
for me

611
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.160
to come in your life and say, I love you even though you're controlling. And guess what,

612
00:40:04.160 --> 00:40:08.240
Chris? He said, I'm not going to rule over you. I'm going to be humble and gentle so that you

613
00:40:08.240 --> 00:40:13.040
can let the Lord rule over your mouth. You can let the Lord rule over the way you want to take

614
00:40:13.040 --> 00:40:17.760
over. You're going to submit yourself to God. I don't believe the Lord wants to bring a man to

615
00:40:17.760 --> 00:40:24.400
rule over you and to put you under submission. Jesus wants you to come under submission because

616
00:40:24.400 --> 00:40:30.240
of who he is in your life. All of that Jesus living on the inside of you wants to practice

617
00:40:30.240 --> 00:40:35.600
patience. All of that Jesus living on the inside of you wants to have self-discipline over your

618
00:40:35.600 --> 00:40:39.920
tongue. All of that Jesus on the inside of you wants you to throw yourself down on the

619
00:40:39.920 --> 00:40:45.520
altar of the Lord and humble yourself and say, I am broken, but if you will live through me,

620
00:40:45.520 --> 00:40:51.200
I will be able to do this. That's what Jesus wants for you. He doesn't want a man to rule over you.

621
00:40:51.200 --> 00:40:56.320
He wants to be the ruler of your life. And because he says, so you're going to close your

622
00:40:56.320 --> 00:41:01.920
mouth because he says, so you're not going to run over that man because Jesus said so,

623
00:41:01.920 --> 00:41:06.320
because he says, so you're going to forgive him because he says, so you're going to show mercy

624
00:41:06.320 --> 00:41:12.560
because he said, so that's the woman that you're going to be. You're going to be the woman that

625
00:41:12.560 --> 00:41:19.840
sanctifies her husband. Cause the Bible says that a believing wife sanctifies her husband. That's

626
00:41:19.840 --> 00:41:25.840
what God is making out of you. That's what he is shaping in you. And that's what he's going to do

627
00:41:25.840 --> 00:41:36.720
in your life. I am a woman of, I have a bulldozer in me and the bulldozer in me will run slap over

628
00:41:36.720 --> 00:41:42.240
somebody. And so when I see a man that's not passive, but it's gentle, sometimes I see it

629
00:41:42.240 --> 00:41:49.120
as weakness instead of meekness, but Jesus was meek. When I see a gentle man, that's who Jesus

630
00:41:49.200 --> 00:41:56.400
was. And so I wanted a man, Karishma, that would put me in my place because I didn't know how to

631
00:41:56.400 --> 00:42:00.640
put me in my place. And the Lord says, you're not going to get a man. If I can't put you in your

632
00:42:00.640 --> 00:42:07.120
place, what good be a man? If Jesus can't get you in your place, but a man can come along because

633
00:42:07.120 --> 00:42:11.360
he's your husband and put you in place, he's going to have a problem with that idol in your life.

634
00:42:11.440 --> 00:42:18.400
Hmm. Because Jesus can't rule your heart. Jesus can't rule your tongue. Then what is man?

635
00:42:20.240 --> 00:42:27.440
That you will be mindful of him. And so I feel you on that. Yeah, I know. I'm going to let you

636
00:42:27.440 --> 00:42:33.360
say something. Yeah, I am embarrassed. I told the Lord, I'm like, uh-uh. I need a man. Somebody

637
00:42:33.360 --> 00:42:36.880
don't have to control me because I am out of control. He's like, no, you're going to control

638
00:42:36.880 --> 00:42:48.720
yourself. And I'm like, I am? So you be encouraged. And I'm telling you, your father's

639
00:42:48.720 --> 00:42:54.560
going to be so pleased. He's going to be impressed with what the Lord does. Your father lives in you.

640
00:42:54.560 --> 00:42:58.880
I don't believe that the ones that we love leave us. I believe that their spirit is with us.

641
00:42:59.760 --> 00:43:05.200
And that's a beautiful thing. I often heard people say that individuals are closer to us

642
00:43:05.200 --> 00:43:09.520
when they're gone than when they were in the natural, because spirit to spirit is different

643
00:43:09.520 --> 00:43:17.920
from flesh to flesh, like human to human. And so you're going to be one happy woman

644
00:43:17.920 --> 00:43:25.200
when you see the way heaven does things in your life. And so be encouraged. Dating sucks.

645
00:43:26.240 --> 00:43:30.800
I'm coming to y'all. Move on. Dating does suck. Raise your hand if you know dating sucks.

646
00:43:31.360 --> 00:43:37.120
These dating apps, they are challenging. And they have their ebbs and flows. And when you get tired

647
00:43:37.120 --> 00:43:42.800
of them, come out of them. Your lifeline is not dependent on a dating site. And I know you've

648
00:43:42.800 --> 00:43:45.920
been through it. Most of all of us have been through it before you get in this program and

649
00:43:45.920 --> 00:43:52.080
you get tired of it. It's like, who want to waste time like this? And you feel like it's a waste of

650
00:43:52.080 --> 00:43:57.440
time. But this time, you're investing in yourself. And you're learning to have your own voice and to

651
00:43:57.440 --> 00:44:03.520
be an advocate for yourself. In your case, you're learning how to be more tender, a little more

652
00:44:03.520 --> 00:44:09.760
softer. And it takes the Lord to do that. So either we're like passive and just let people run over us

653
00:44:09.760 --> 00:44:15.040
and then we bulldoze. And it's like, we need an in-between place to meet. And both of them can be

654
00:44:15.040 --> 00:44:22.160
very challenging based on how we were raised and whatever traumas, whatever things have happened

655
00:44:22.160 --> 00:44:28.240
to us along the way. And so I hear your heart and I want you to not hear. I don't want you to think

656
00:44:28.240 --> 00:44:33.520
I'm fussing at you or anything like that. I hear your heart. It is challenging. And take a break

657
00:44:33.520 --> 00:44:38.720
from the websites if you want to. You did ask who does different dating sites. I do Facebook dating.

658
00:44:38.720 --> 00:44:44.400
I just like it. Well, I'm in a relationship right now. I'm not on social media, Ebony.

659
00:44:44.400 --> 00:44:50.160
Oh, well, yeah, that wouldn't work. But all the other ones I never like match. Any of them,

660
00:44:50.160 --> 00:44:54.400
I just didn't like them. And so because you're not on social media, that wouldn't work well because

661
00:44:56.240 --> 00:44:59.920
you don't have the friend community. And usually you'll see who

662
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.840
they're friends with so you'll like so it feels a little more like community

663
00:45:03.840 --> 00:45:08.560
that's the only reason why I like it but what area do you live in?

664
00:45:08.560 --> 00:45:14.480
New York? No really look at you I always I always thought that

665
00:45:14.480 --> 00:45:21.120
all the fine men live in New York. No no toxic it's toxic

666
00:45:21.120 --> 00:45:25.520
listen I always did it outside of the state

667
00:45:25.520 --> 00:45:32.480
really listen all of them aren't toxic toxic you're just one person so just say

668
00:45:32.480 --> 00:45:35.120
all of the ones you dated in the past were toxic

669
00:45:35.120 --> 00:45:38.480
but you're showing up differently this time and so

670
00:45:38.480 --> 00:45:41.440
you have a lot of places I'm assuming that you could go out to and meet people

671
00:45:41.440 --> 00:45:44.240
do you have a winged woman like a friend that when you go out

672
00:45:44.240 --> 00:45:52.640
they can help you be yeah oh come on okay well that's good um

673
00:45:52.720 --> 00:45:57.440
um but do do some other ways I know you get tired but

674
00:45:57.440 --> 00:46:04.400
it's coming. Organically like go get food shopping and in the produce

675
00:46:04.400 --> 00:46:07.360
aisle you know like those Hallmark movies but

676
00:46:07.360 --> 00:46:11.360
I know oh who won't I want a Hallmark for real well the next minute you see

677
00:46:11.360 --> 00:46:14.720
the produce aisle I know it needed the next minute you see the produce aisle

678
00:46:14.720 --> 00:46:18.560
go make your Hallmark happen say hey how are you doing today my name is what's

679
00:46:18.560 --> 00:46:21.840
yours oh would you like to grab if you're not

680
00:46:21.840 --> 00:46:24.960
married would you be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee with me and see

681
00:46:24.960 --> 00:46:29.760
what happens oh no no you can't do it why not

682
00:46:29.760 --> 00:46:33.040
I'm not in this I don't initiate those conversations

683
00:46:33.040 --> 00:46:37.280
I think there was another sister in here last week that said oh I'm not calling

684
00:46:37.280 --> 00:46:41.680
him and I was like I get it I'm not either

685
00:46:42.560 --> 00:46:47.200
I just I'm I'm it from that you know that mindset where the guide pursues

686
00:46:47.200 --> 00:46:52.480
right not chase but pursue I understand I believe that you know we

687
00:46:52.480 --> 00:46:55.280
talked about this last time and it's probably going to be really hard

688
00:46:55.280 --> 00:46:59.040
and more challenging for you because of the your culture as well

689
00:46:59.040 --> 00:47:03.600
um but you can ask a guy to go out to coffee with you

690
00:47:03.600 --> 00:47:08.720
and never be in pursuit of him because a person has to reciprocate to you

691
00:47:08.720 --> 00:47:12.720
just it's like if you didn't know a woman across the room y'all at a work

692
00:47:12.720 --> 00:47:15.760
event and you wanted to know who she was and you walked up to her and you said

693
00:47:15.760 --> 00:47:19.200
hey my name is you know what do you do that's the same

694
00:47:19.200 --> 00:47:23.920
thing I think that we see it not that way

695
00:47:23.920 --> 00:47:28.160
but I give myself this mindset so that I can operate that way

696
00:47:28.160 --> 00:47:31.520
I'm just telling you I literally change my mindset about things

697
00:47:31.520 --> 00:47:35.120
I change my perspective so I can operate in that

698
00:47:35.120 --> 00:47:39.360
fashion and that's the only way I do it I see every man as a person

699
00:47:39.360 --> 00:47:44.320
that's it it's a person if they're in Christ they're just a brother in Christ

700
00:47:44.320 --> 00:47:49.040
and I will not see them past that point until a certain point like I just won't

701
00:47:49.040 --> 00:47:52.960
and that's the way I operate and sometimes ladies we have to change our

702
00:47:52.960 --> 00:47:56.640
mindset to operate in a certain mode because if

703
00:47:56.640 --> 00:48:00.480
not it's going to be really hard for you to do it

704
00:48:01.280 --> 00:48:06.240
I hope that was helpful was and thank you for calling those words

705
00:48:06.240 --> 00:48:09.680
over me I'm I'm just basking in it right now thank

706
00:48:09.680 --> 00:48:12.480
you yeah good yeah cool and so we just pray for

707
00:48:12.480 --> 00:48:15.680
Karishma's heart now God I thank you for her I thank you

708
00:48:15.680 --> 00:48:19.920
for her family I thank you for her father I thank you for her conversion

709
00:48:19.920 --> 00:48:23.120
I say I don't know how long it's been but welcome to the body

710
00:48:23.120 --> 00:48:27.680
of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ I thank you Lord God that no matter what

711
00:48:27.680 --> 00:48:30.640
her family origin is that she shall be a light

712
00:48:30.640 --> 00:48:33.920
Lord God that when you when you put her in her mother's womb you

713
00:48:33.920 --> 00:48:37.360
already knew that she was gonna shake hell

714
00:48:37.360 --> 00:48:41.680
wide open and she was gonna be the light that came from her bloodline

715
00:48:41.680 --> 00:48:46.160
so I just declare redemption for her entire bloodline because it starts with

716
00:48:46.160 --> 00:48:48.720
her and everything that comes from her womb

717
00:48:48.720 --> 00:48:52.400
everything that's come from her her husband shall be those who seek the Lord

718
00:48:52.400 --> 00:48:56.160
and declare his goodness in the land of the living and so we

719
00:48:56.160 --> 00:49:00.160
bless your heart with safety because the Bible says David wrote

720
00:49:00.160 --> 00:49:03.120
when my mother and father forsake me then will my

721
00:49:03.120 --> 00:49:07.040
Lord take me up I thank you God that you have taken her

722
00:49:07.360 --> 00:49:13.120
up as your very own and nobody can care for you like your Papa God

723
00:49:13.120 --> 00:49:19.920
in Jesus name we pray amen thank you Eboni you're welcome

724
00:49:19.920 --> 00:49:24.320
you're welcome all right Candy

725
00:49:25.040 --> 00:49:28.000
yeah get Candy Denny Lang sorry I think that's right

726
00:49:28.000 --> 00:49:31.760
yes if I got wrong I'm sorry yeah oh it's okay yeah okay

727
00:49:31.760 --> 00:49:34.800
thank you for having me because this is my first time at the APM

728
00:49:34.800 --> 00:49:40.080
normally I attend at 1 p.m so yeah but today I because I run out of time so

729
00:49:40.080 --> 00:49:43.840
then yeah so she's Carla suggested me to

730
00:49:43.840 --> 00:49:47.200
come today but anyway so I want to have a story

731
00:49:47.200 --> 00:49:50.400
that not a story but I met this guy at the

732
00:49:50.400 --> 00:49:53.600
at the dating app and I'm the one who initiate and you know I

733
00:49:53.600 --> 00:49:58.160
like him I said like and then he respond

734
00:49:58.160 --> 00:50:02.000
so and then we text and then

735
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.920
Then we text for a couple of days and I said,

736
00:50:02.920 --> 00:50:05.760
okay, let's, how about, let's get on.

737
00:50:05.760 --> 00:50:07.480
I hinted to him that, okay,

738
00:50:07.480 --> 00:50:12.000
I prefer to have a phone call or a video chat.

739
00:50:12.000 --> 00:50:14.200
So we decided to have a video chat.

740
00:50:14.200 --> 00:50:16.120
So we talk on the WhatsApp

741
00:50:16.120 --> 00:50:18.240
and then we spoke like a couple of hours.

742
00:50:18.240 --> 00:50:22.440
So we are both, we are both, you know, have grown kids.

743
00:50:22.440 --> 00:50:25.560
You know, we are already at the 50, 50 something years old.

744
00:50:25.560 --> 00:50:27.080
We are divorced and all that.

745
00:50:27.080 --> 00:50:32.080
But he, so he, you know, he's also retired

746
00:50:32.240 --> 00:50:33.960
and I'm also retired.

747
00:50:33.960 --> 00:50:36.600
So it seems like we have a very similar background

748
00:50:36.600 --> 00:50:39.040
and he's right now, he sold his house

749
00:50:39.040 --> 00:50:42.160
and he bought a motorhomes to travel.

750
00:50:42.160 --> 00:50:43.520
And so when we talk, you know,

751
00:50:43.520 --> 00:50:46.160
he said he wants someone to travel with him

752
00:50:46.160 --> 00:50:47.320
in the motorhomes.

753
00:50:47.320 --> 00:50:51.800
But when we talk, we always talk on this, on like,

754
00:50:51.800 --> 00:50:53.000
like he didn't say, okay, yeah.

755
00:50:53.000 --> 00:50:54.520
He just, he did say something about,

756
00:50:54.520 --> 00:50:56.280
oh, you know, you'll be doing this if you're,

757
00:50:56.280 --> 00:50:58.440
you know, you are in my motorhome, whatever.

758
00:50:58.440 --> 00:51:00.560
But it's not like he, he might need to come

759
00:51:00.560 --> 00:51:03.040
to his motorhome, which is of course is later, right?

760
00:51:03.040 --> 00:51:06.920
But I also said something about, yeah, I like to travel

761
00:51:06.920 --> 00:51:08.840
because I like to travel a lot, you know,

762
00:51:08.840 --> 00:51:10.120
overseas or whatever.

763
00:51:11.680 --> 00:51:16.040
So I just, so the next, I just, my question is

764
00:51:16.040 --> 00:51:17.680
the next call, the next video,

765
00:51:17.680 --> 00:51:19.640
I mean, we have been texting to each other, you know,

766
00:51:19.640 --> 00:51:22.240
like every day actually, just texting.

767
00:51:23.120 --> 00:51:27.240
But the next video call, should I wait for him to initiate?

768
00:51:29.840 --> 00:51:31.720
How long y'all been talking, Ken?

769
00:51:31.720 --> 00:51:32.840
A week.

770
00:51:32.840 --> 00:51:33.680
A week.

771
00:51:35.520 --> 00:51:37.360
Have y'all, do y'all ever do voice call?

772
00:51:37.360 --> 00:51:40.080
I know you said y'all do a lot of texting.

773
00:51:40.080 --> 00:51:41.440
I'm sorry, say again?

774
00:51:41.440 --> 00:51:43.600
Do you guys ever do voice calls

775
00:51:43.600 --> 00:51:45.320
where you hear each other's voices?

776
00:51:45.320 --> 00:51:47.600
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we, yeah, we did.

777
00:51:47.600 --> 00:51:49.880
We did, we talked a couple of,

778
00:51:50.120 --> 00:51:53.760
we talked a couple of times in one video call.

779
00:51:53.760 --> 00:51:54.800
Okay, okay.

780
00:51:54.800 --> 00:51:58.560
So you wanna know, should he initiate the next video call?

781
00:51:58.560 --> 00:52:01.280
Yeah, he should be the one that, yeah.

782
00:52:03.160 --> 00:52:04.960
When can y'all go on a coffee date?

783
00:52:05.840 --> 00:52:07.240
Well, the problem is he's,

784
00:52:07.240 --> 00:52:09.920
cause he has a motorhome, so he's traveling.

785
00:52:09.920 --> 00:52:12.760
And then he said, you know, he's kind of saying, okay,

786
00:52:12.760 --> 00:52:16.360
well, the 18, he's in Texas right now.

787
00:52:16.360 --> 00:52:18.960
So he said an 18, he'll be done with his,

788
00:52:18.960 --> 00:52:21.440
because his wife's coming, I mean, not his wife,

789
00:52:21.440 --> 00:52:24.840
his daughter's coming to visit him.

790
00:52:24.840 --> 00:52:27.720
And then the 18, he'll be done visiting.

791
00:52:27.720 --> 00:52:29.880
And then he said, okay, either he's,

792
00:52:29.880 --> 00:52:32.040
his original plan is going up to the North,

793
00:52:32.040 --> 00:52:34.880
you know, go up to Minnesota or whatever.

794
00:52:34.880 --> 00:52:37.360
But he's like, okay, it depends how things go.

795
00:52:37.360 --> 00:52:41.320
I'm gonna go to the East, which is where I am, New Jersey.

796
00:52:41.320 --> 00:52:42.880
So he's just saying that,

797
00:52:42.880 --> 00:52:45.160
so he's just saying that, okay, it depends how it goes.

798
00:52:45.160 --> 00:52:46.400
And then, and then, yeah.

799
00:52:46.400 --> 00:52:47.520
So then that's what he's saying,

800
00:52:47.520 --> 00:52:50.200
that in the middle of July, he will say, okay,

801
00:52:50.200 --> 00:52:51.840
it depends how it goes,

802
00:52:51.840 --> 00:52:55.920
the better he'll come to see me, that kind of thing.

803
00:52:55.920 --> 00:52:56.760
Yeah.

804
00:52:56.760 --> 00:52:59.120
But at the same time right now, I'm, yeah.

805
00:52:59.120 --> 00:53:00.080
At the same time right now,

806
00:53:00.080 --> 00:53:02.120
I'm resting at home because I have an injury.

807
00:53:02.120 --> 00:53:03.920
I have a surgery, I just had a surgery on my leg,

808
00:53:03.920 --> 00:53:07.520
so I cannot really do any active stuff.

809
00:53:07.520 --> 00:53:08.360
Okay.

810
00:53:08.360 --> 00:53:09.200
Got you.

811
00:53:09.200 --> 00:53:11.280
So I see why you're, I see why you're like,

812
00:53:11.280 --> 00:53:13.560
I'm okay, kind of okay with chilling out.

813
00:53:13.560 --> 00:53:14.960
Like I don't have to meet him right now

814
00:53:14.960 --> 00:53:16.400
because I can't do that.

815
00:53:16.400 --> 00:53:18.480
I'll just, I don't want you to go too long

816
00:53:18.480 --> 00:53:21.000
without meeting him face to face

817
00:53:21.000 --> 00:53:24.920
because ladies experience is necessary.

818
00:53:25.920 --> 00:53:27.560
If someone, and I'm just throwing this in

819
00:53:27.560 --> 00:53:29.800
because every question is an opportunity to coach.

820
00:53:29.800 --> 00:53:33.280
If someone lives near you, these are kind of the guidelines.

821
00:53:33.280 --> 00:53:34.840
If they live near you within a week,

822
00:53:34.840 --> 00:53:36.120
you need to be on a coffee date.

823
00:53:36.120 --> 00:53:37.760
You're interested in live dates.

824
00:53:37.760 --> 00:53:41.040
You're not interested in a texting buddy or a phone buddy.

825
00:53:42.040 --> 00:53:44.520
You, you want to know when you waste time?

826
00:53:44.520 --> 00:53:45.960
If you two weeks in and all you're doing

827
00:53:45.960 --> 00:53:47.760
is texting a person, you wasted time.

828
00:53:47.760 --> 00:53:49.880
If anytime you want to know you're wasting time,

829
00:53:49.880 --> 00:53:51.440
that's wasting time.

830
00:53:51.440 --> 00:53:52.680
We don't do that.

831
00:53:52.680 --> 00:53:53.920
We want a live date.

832
00:53:53.920 --> 00:53:56.360
We want to see the person that we're talking to.

833
00:53:56.360 --> 00:53:58.480
And so let's say the first week they're out of town,

834
00:53:58.480 --> 00:53:59.600
they're busy and they can't say,

835
00:53:59.600 --> 00:54:01.040
okay, we have to do a video chat.

836
00:54:01.040 --> 00:54:02.720
You need to see their face.

837
00:54:02.720 --> 00:54:04.240
You need to hear their voice.

838
00:54:04.240 --> 00:54:07.320
You need to know that you're talking to a real person.

839
00:54:07.320 --> 00:54:08.160
All right.

840
00:54:08.160 --> 00:54:10.840
And then let's say they stay about 300 miles away.

841
00:54:10.840 --> 00:54:12.920
So that means by the second week, third week,

842
00:54:12.920 --> 00:54:15.400
y'all should be meeting up even if it's halfway.

843
00:54:15.400 --> 00:54:17.920
They stay out of country, out of state,

844
00:54:17.920 --> 00:54:19.240
and it's a flight distance.

845
00:54:19.240 --> 00:54:22.040
You should like take a plane to get there.

846
00:54:22.040 --> 00:54:23.680
Then you shouldn't go past six weeks

847
00:54:23.680 --> 00:54:25.400
before you meet them in person

848
00:54:25.400 --> 00:54:28.040
because you may talk and text them,

849
00:54:28.040 --> 00:54:31.820
but seeing them and experiencing them is totally different.

850
00:54:33.680 --> 00:54:34.800
You don't know them.

851
00:54:34.800 --> 00:54:35.880
You think you know them

852
00:54:35.880 --> 00:54:38.160
because you talk to them, but you don't.

853
00:54:38.160 --> 00:54:40.720
You know people when you spend time with them more,

854
00:54:40.760 --> 00:54:43.680
you know them more when you get to experience them.

855
00:54:43.680 --> 00:54:46.360
And so Candy, I think now would be a good time

856
00:54:46.360 --> 00:54:49.160
for you to allow him to initiate the second video date.

857
00:54:50.040 --> 00:54:53.720
Yeah, but keep texting is okay.

858
00:54:53.720 --> 00:54:55.440
Let me just keep texting.

859
00:54:55.440 --> 00:54:58.800
Does he initiate daily texts without you initiate?

860
00:54:58.800 --> 00:55:00.040
Who initiates them?

861
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.760
well he does it one day and I did the other day something like that. Okay good yeah that's fine

862
00:55:04.480 --> 00:55:11.840
yeah yeah and if he is reciprocating both of y'all are reciprocating you don't necessarily

863
00:55:11.840 --> 00:55:17.360
now I want to I want to retract if both of y'all are reciprocating communication it's okay if you

864
00:55:17.360 --> 00:55:23.680
say hey let's do a video let's do another video chat oh it's okay for me to say okay you can say

865
00:55:23.680 --> 00:55:28.320
it let him know that because he is you like you won't see him for another three weeks it's going

866
00:55:28.320 --> 00:55:33.200
to be important to you that y'all spend time over facetime that's important to you that you get to

867
00:55:33.200 --> 00:55:39.520
see him is that true for you yeah of course yes I don't yeah I don't want to waste my time but

868
00:55:39.520 --> 00:55:46.560
then for the for the for face-to-face meeting I mean uh like I have to wait for him to tell me to

869
00:55:46.560 --> 00:55:52.640
to come he's willing to come to New Jersey you don't have to wait I'm gonna tell you something

870
00:55:52.640 --> 00:55:58.080
if that man is not coming to New Jersey within the next two weeks or whatever you said when

871
00:55:58.080 --> 00:56:01.840
he was supposed to come and he says oh I didn't plan to come there when I'm going another way

872
00:56:01.840 --> 00:56:08.480
then candy you are looking for a husband you are not looking for a pen pal then you know like hey

873
00:56:08.480 --> 00:56:12.800
yeah no this is not gonna work I understand you're traveling we just had two different phases in our

874
00:56:12.800 --> 00:56:19.120
life okay okay you understand what I'm saying yeah you don't have to choose to come that way

875
00:56:19.120 --> 00:56:23.280
and you don't have to choose to keep talking to him until he comes your way that's not how this

876
00:56:23.280 --> 00:56:29.120
is gonna work okay all right if he's showing that he's interested in getting to know you

877
00:56:29.120 --> 00:56:33.440
then it needs to be an expression of that in some way and not just talking on the phone

878
00:56:34.160 --> 00:56:40.640
because yeah what you just don't wait yeah and the longer you do it the longer you're

879
00:56:40.640 --> 00:56:46.880
going to be willing to do it okay yeah I understand yeah yeah I have another question

880
00:56:46.880 --> 00:56:53.680
though okay so on his text he's very transparent about his divorce and so I didn't I didn't talk I

881
00:56:53.680 --> 00:56:59.120
didn't ask him why this divorce he just he texted to me he say everything very transparent so I

882
00:56:59.120 --> 00:57:04.080
didn't you know I didn't dig into it because you guys told us not to talk about ex and and divorce

883
00:57:04.080 --> 00:57:08.800
right so we listen to that now but when we talk about friends he said he has no friend

884
00:57:10.480 --> 00:57:15.520
and that kind of bothers me and he has no friend and he's introvert so that kind of bothers me

885
00:57:15.520 --> 00:57:20.400
that he I'm just afraid he's very passive but when talking to him he doesn't seem like he's

886
00:57:20.400 --> 00:57:24.720
passive person but but you know again I don't know I guess I have to wait and see and find out

887
00:57:26.000 --> 00:57:31.280
yeah you don't have to wait and see and find out you know ladies men don't have as many friends

888
00:57:31.280 --> 00:57:37.360
as I know it's true it's so sad yeah it's hard to get men to do stuff in community

889
00:57:37.920 --> 00:57:44.000
it's just men are different um now if you start to get serious about him you are going to want

890
00:57:44.000 --> 00:57:48.560
to know that he has community you are going to want to know that he has some family because you

891
00:57:48.560 --> 00:57:54.640
need to be able to attach this man to somebody or something right he has two daughters he has two

892
00:57:54.640 --> 00:57:59.920
daughters he has okay he has parents well I'm saying as you yeah if you decide to like him

893
00:57:59.920 --> 00:58:03.840
along the way and y'all start developing something then some of those things are

894
00:58:03.840 --> 00:58:07.200
going to become a little bit more important because you're going to want to meet his community

895
00:58:08.080 --> 00:58:12.800
right but is that okay that I shared with him that hey I have I went to this uh last

896
00:58:12.800 --> 00:58:18.480
nice last year single uh this is something maybe it's good for you too you know I'm hesitant to

897
00:58:18.480 --> 00:58:23.360
tell him if you want to share that with him you can if you don't want to share it with him you

898
00:58:23.360 --> 00:58:28.720
don't have to but if your reason you're sharing it because you want him to somehow be something

899
00:58:28.720 --> 00:58:33.280
different for you or if you're just sharing with him because you think he'll he'll value he'll get

900
00:58:33.280 --> 00:58:39.840
value from it you have you have you picked up that he is a man of wisdom and he likes to grow

901
00:58:39.840 --> 00:58:44.880
that he has a teachable heart and he wants that like you picked up things like that then you know

902
00:58:44.880 --> 00:58:49.680
what you're offering to him may be something that he's interested in but if you think well he should

903
00:58:49.680 --> 00:58:53.360
just get in the group and then it'll be you know he'll be a healthier man and then maybe we can

904
00:58:53.360 --> 00:58:57.760
work something out I don't know your motive for sharing it with him but whatever it is you can

905
00:58:58.080 --> 00:59:04.640
share it with him no he said he has been a Christian for 30 years uh yeah he was he was

906
00:59:04.640 --> 00:59:11.600
a he was a Christian for 30 years 30 30 years oh he still is a Christian yeah for 30 years and and

907
00:59:11.600 --> 00:59:16.880
he got hurt by the one by the one of the church that he attend of you know I think some money

908
00:59:16.880 --> 00:59:23.280
issue I think he got hurt and then he didn't go back to that same church anymore so so that means

909
00:59:23.280 --> 00:59:29.280
he got some type you know so he has some hurt and in the past so that's why I was thinking about

910
00:59:29.280 --> 00:59:35.120
this last single thing maybe it's good for him but oh yeah you can tell him about anything he

911
00:59:35.120 --> 00:59:41.840
can get him some community right right but then yeah but I just but then on Jackie's Jackie's uh

912
00:59:41.840 --> 00:59:48.240
video saying that we don't want to show up with our gift of counseling right and coaching so that's

913
00:59:48.240 --> 00:59:54.880
why I that's why I'm asking you for do you have a gift of counseling and coaching

914
00:59:56.320 --> 00:59:59.840
no not really that's why I said okay let's go why don't you go do that since

915
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.240
to get some coaching. Instead of coming from me, I don't have the gift, but I think you might need it.

916
01:00:07.280 --> 01:00:11.360
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. When he wants some kind of coaching from you or something like that,

917
01:00:11.360 --> 01:00:15.200
you can say, hey, this is really not my strong suit, but I would like to continue getting to

918
01:00:15.200 --> 01:00:19.680
know you. This program, I mean, they have some awesome coaches. I'll send you the link.

919
01:00:21.120 --> 01:00:28.800
Okay. No, no, no. I mean, he's a very confident person. He's not asking me for coaching,

920
01:00:28.800 --> 01:00:32.720
but I'm just saying, I'm not, yeah, he's not asking me for coaching, but what I'm saying

921
01:00:32.720 --> 01:00:39.840
is because he got hurt in the past from church. So I'm saying maybe you can attend his last year

922
01:00:39.840 --> 01:00:45.440
single. Maybe it's good for you to heal your heart and stuff like that. You know? Yeah. I'm

923
01:00:45.440 --> 01:00:50.240
not sure that I can, I should do that. I just, because I don't know him. Sometimes some people

924
01:00:50.240 --> 01:00:55.280
might think tickets are offensive thing that, you know, like they, that I'm trying to, I'm trying to

925
01:00:56.240 --> 01:01:00.720
you know, look down on him or whatever. I don't know him well enough to, to say that,

926
01:01:00.720 --> 01:01:06.000
to, to make that judgment. Well, so I want to suggest that you just err on the side of caution

927
01:01:06.000 --> 01:01:10.800
and maybe later on, if it comes up again, you can mention it to him if you feel comfortable.

928
01:01:10.800 --> 01:01:15.680
Okay. Okay. Sounds good. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Okay. All right.

929
01:01:16.320 --> 01:01:21.600
Yeah. Elaine in Ireland. Is that Ireland? What if L stand for Florida?

930
01:01:22.320 --> 01:01:24.960
Yeah, that's where I am. Really?

931
01:01:26.000 --> 01:01:30.320
Ireland is Ireland in Florida. Wait a minute. Is there an island in Florida? Go ahead.

932
01:01:31.440 --> 01:01:36.960
I've had other people think that no, it's Elaine Ireland in Florida. I just moved here.

933
01:01:37.760 --> 01:01:48.640
Oh, in Florida. Okay. You're not the first one. This is all really helpful. You have a lot of

934
01:01:48.640 --> 01:01:53.840
wisdom and I I'm just really enjoying this. I haven't been probably showing up to enough of

935
01:01:53.840 --> 01:02:01.920
these sessions and I'm just really frustrated, but this is actually bringing some things out for me.

936
01:02:01.920 --> 01:02:09.920
This is good because I tried a couple of dating sites. My whole life's just been in big transition

937
01:02:09.920 --> 01:02:17.600
the last year. I uprooted, I sold my house. I moved from Massachusetts to Florida. I got divorced. I

938
01:02:17.600 --> 01:02:26.000
quit my job. Everything's just been up in the air. I've had about eight months of just really

939
01:02:26.000 --> 01:02:35.120
digging into just healing and seeking God and just getting peace for once in my entire life.

940
01:02:36.000 --> 01:02:42.880
I actually have peace now. I had a knot of anxiety in my stomach that I just carried around all the

941
01:02:42.880 --> 01:02:54.880
time. Two failed alcoholic marriages. I'm realizing my self-esteem, my self-worth, my

942
01:02:54.880 --> 01:03:02.240
identity just got really, really beat up probably more than I wanted to admit. To everyone else,

943
01:03:02.240 --> 01:03:08.800
I seem like this, I'm the get it done girl. I will start something and just get things going.

944
01:03:09.120 --> 01:03:17.520
I just hit a wall. I think it's identity. It's the first time in my life I haven't

945
01:03:18.480 --> 01:03:29.360
had a job, a career where I can say this is who I am. I took some time so I could heal and not have

946
01:03:29.360 --> 01:03:35.840
to have that pressure. I got some extra money from my house. Even as I go on and try to do

947
01:03:35.840 --> 01:03:43.120
the dating thing, I find myself being embarrassed wanting to say, oh, yeah, well, this is what I

948
01:03:43.120 --> 01:03:48.560
used to do and now I'm going to pursue this. I don't even know what I want to pursue.

949
01:03:50.000 --> 01:03:58.560
David, Jackie's husband did a session. I was just listening to it this afternoon of what do you

950
01:03:58.640 --> 01:04:12.160
want? Oh, my God. I can't answer that directly. How am I going to find what I want if I don't

951
01:04:12.160 --> 01:04:23.440
even know? My dad was a really strong provider. He treated my mom like gold. Then I have these two

952
01:04:23.440 --> 01:04:31.760
awful marriages. I just want that special relationship. I want to be treated well. I

953
01:04:31.760 --> 01:04:38.560
want a provider. I don't want to have to always pull and carry everything and be the provider

954
01:04:38.560 --> 01:04:45.360
and be the one with the credit. All of these things I've always done my whole life. I think

955
01:04:45.360 --> 01:04:55.520
finding this, I can totally relate to the passive guy. I'm just like, ugh. Somebody that

956
01:04:55.520 --> 01:04:59.840
never wants to take initiative. It just reminds me of what I

957
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.160
Just dealt with my whole life. And so I did try a couple of sites just to get

958
01:05:06.880 --> 01:05:09.360
the knot in my stomach again, and I'm like

959
01:05:10.640 --> 01:05:16.520
I don't want this back. I've had peace. I'm really enjoying my life

960
01:05:16.520 --> 01:05:21.560
So I'm thinking it's kind of back off work on me

961
01:05:23.200 --> 01:05:27.040
But to be really honest and vulnerable I

962
01:05:28.000 --> 01:05:33.480
Don't want to go find this brand new career because I'm not doing what I used to do

963
01:05:33.480 --> 01:05:37.040
I want to do it with I want a partner

964
01:05:37.040 --> 01:05:41.760
I I've always wanted to get into like I love to decorate

965
01:05:41.760 --> 01:05:46.640
I want to just do like a house flipping decorating like just cool thing

966
01:05:47.280 --> 01:05:53.680
Together, you know, maybe do some house and that you know investing in real estate. This is sort of a what do you want to do?

967
01:05:53.680 --> 01:05:59.520
Well, that's that's something but it I don't really want to do it on my own. So I'm

968
01:06:00.680 --> 01:06:06.040
I'm kind of like you need to do something you need to go get a job and I decided I don't want to do

969
01:06:06.040 --> 01:06:13.320
A whatever job again. I just want something. I really like I feel like I mean, I keep telling God, you know

970
01:06:13.320 --> 01:06:20.880
You're not really showing me but I have some ideas. Should I just like, you know, I am God can't direct your steps unless you're moving

971
01:06:21.760 --> 01:06:28.760
But I'm just having a lot of a lot of confusion and especially with my identity

972
01:06:28.760 --> 01:06:33.720
And I know it's like your identity is in Christ. I get that up here

973
01:06:34.240 --> 01:06:38.520
But right down here. It's not really clear yet. So, um

974
01:06:39.680 --> 01:06:42.560
Yeah, so trying to answer that. What what do you want?

975
01:06:42.560 --> 01:06:48.920
I think I got to really think about that this week, but I think I'm embarrassed to say what I want because

976
01:06:49.880 --> 01:06:51.880
It has to do with

977
01:06:52.760 --> 01:06:56.600
partnering with somebody that would kind of want the same thing and I

978
01:06:57.200 --> 01:06:59.200
Don't want to set myself up for

979
01:06:59.960 --> 01:07:02.960
Yeah, so tell us what do you want? I

980
01:07:05.280 --> 01:07:07.280
Mean in the broad

981
01:07:07.600 --> 01:07:13.280
You know old Dave was saying this so you can be like, oh I want God's will you know, of course you want God's

982
01:07:13.280 --> 01:07:16.840
well, but like what do you actually want and

983
01:07:18.920 --> 01:07:25.920
Like I love to make things beautiful like take ugly little spaces and make them look fabulous and decorate

984
01:07:26.080 --> 01:07:30.640
That's just my heart. I like when I'm doing that. I'm just happy and

985
01:07:31.960 --> 01:07:33.960
my ex-husband

986
01:07:34.480 --> 01:07:42.040
he was a builder and a designer and built like zip lines and canopy tours and he helped make art like one of our

987
01:07:42.600 --> 01:07:47.200
He may help make my house like and we did Airbnbs and it was really

988
01:07:47.760 --> 01:07:51.280
Beautiful and that was something I really liked that we actually could do together

989
01:07:52.080 --> 01:07:56.720
so it's not like I'm holding on to him with that, but I

990
01:07:57.640 --> 01:08:00.720
I found something I really like to do and

991
01:08:02.240 --> 01:08:09.120
So, I mean, I mean that's job I God is very important in my life and I'm pursuing community

992
01:08:09.120 --> 01:08:11.120
I found an amazing church

993
01:08:11.760 --> 01:08:14.360
just getting into some small groups and

994
01:08:15.280 --> 01:08:17.279
Yeah, I'd love just

995
01:08:17.560 --> 01:08:22.120
My man to just walk through the door at church and be like here I am

996
01:08:23.359 --> 01:08:30.160
Yeah, because the dating thing is just I I I hate it. I know I know

997
01:08:30.680 --> 01:08:33.819
So this is what I want to I want to share with you

998
01:08:34.399 --> 01:08:35.720
Whatever you want

999
01:08:35.720 --> 01:08:41.920
I gave you opportunity to speak it out in your safe space because I wanted you to get used to saying what you want

1000
01:08:42.439 --> 01:08:44.439
and I

1001
01:08:45.279 --> 01:08:50.800
Believe that you're gonna have to start doing the thing that's in your heart. I

1002
01:08:51.560 --> 01:08:56.560
believe that you need to go forth and do what is in you to do and

1003
01:08:57.479 --> 01:09:01.760
I believe that in doing so there's some things are gonna fall off of you

1004
01:09:02.520 --> 01:09:08.560
Because you used to doing things with someone but you can partner with heaven you can partner with Jesus

1005
01:09:08.560 --> 01:09:11.080
He's gonna be the best business partner. You're gonna ever have

1006
01:09:11.240 --> 01:09:16.640
And I want you to continue dating and I want you to continue trying

1007
01:09:17.160 --> 01:09:21.920
Because whatever it was that lived inside of you that allowed you to pick the same two type of men

1008
01:09:21.920 --> 01:09:27.479
The first time it's gonna fall out this time so that when you do walk into covenant

1009
01:09:27.600 --> 01:09:29.600
You won't pick the same way again

1010
01:09:29.920 --> 01:09:36.040
You won't you want the things that you want settled for you won't settle for anymore and you're gonna see things

1011
01:09:36.399 --> 01:09:42.779
Differently and I think that this phase of your life is gonna be so good for you

1012
01:09:43.439 --> 01:09:48.439
Because Elaine is gonna do what Elaine wants to do and you're gonna feel the freedom in it

1013
01:09:48.439 --> 01:09:53.120
So that when your husband comes along Elaine already had this thing going on

1014
01:09:53.319 --> 01:09:57.760
This was already what you were doing and he gets to join the party

1015
01:09:59.480 --> 01:10:01.480
Because

1016
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.440
He didn't put the things in your heart, those things that need to be burnt out,

1017
01:10:03.440 --> 01:10:09.440
he didn't put them there. None of those things he had anything to do with, whether they came

1018
01:10:09.440 --> 01:10:13.200
from out of affection of something you've done in the past or whether the Lord put those things in

1019
01:10:13.920 --> 01:10:19.440
that you want to do. That man had nothing to do with it, but he can join the party.

1020
01:10:19.440 --> 01:10:28.880
Well, I did take a step today and I joined a

1021
01:10:33.120 --> 01:10:42.880
Sarasota Real Estate Investing Association. There's like 40 people there and they're all

1022
01:10:42.880 --> 01:10:47.680
really into what they're doing and it all kind of has to do with real estate. So,

1023
01:10:48.320 --> 01:10:55.360
I was determined not to get overwhelmed. I sat there and I took a few notes and just kind of

1024
01:10:55.360 --> 01:11:02.800
listened and got out of there and said, you did it. You took a step. It's a baby step,

1025
01:11:02.800 --> 01:11:10.640
but you did something in that direction because it's a whole new world for me. I've done wellness

1026
01:11:10.640 --> 01:11:17.200
and kind of health related things my whole life. And besides having two Airbnbs, this

1027
01:11:18.080 --> 01:11:23.200
real estate and all of that is different. So, I'm like, all right, Lord, if you don't want me to do

1028
01:11:23.200 --> 01:11:29.840
it, slam the door, but I guess I'm just going to walk in this direction. That's right. The journey,

1029
01:11:29.840 --> 01:11:36.320
the joy is in the journey. And I know when we've lived life for a while, we may think I'm tired of

1030
01:11:36.320 --> 01:11:43.360
the journey, but it really is. The joy is in the journey. It's not about the destination.

1031
01:11:43.360 --> 01:11:46.960
One thing that the father is sure of, he's sure of the destination.

1032
01:11:48.560 --> 01:11:53.040
He's sure of the destination. So, we think he's withholding something. He already knows what the

1033
01:11:53.040 --> 01:12:00.240
destination is, what the end result is going to be. But what happens on the journey is what prepares

1034
01:12:00.320 --> 01:12:09.440
you for the E. I need to get that in my head because I don't feel that the joy is in the

1035
01:12:09.440 --> 01:12:17.280
journey. I'm always a destination person and you're saying that. And I know I'm always like,

1036
01:12:17.280 --> 01:12:24.560
oh, when I get here, I can start living my life. Now, the last year I've been in paradise. I

1037
01:12:24.560 --> 01:12:31.680
literally cried for months in gratitude and just can't even believe how God has just turned my life

1038
01:12:31.680 --> 01:12:39.840
around. I took steps and it's just absolutely mind-blowing. So, the fact that I'm worried about

1039
01:12:39.840 --> 01:12:44.400
the future when he's done such amazing things over the last year is kind of silly.

1040
01:12:45.280 --> 01:12:49.840
But I think I'm afraid to ever go back, ever.

1041
01:12:49.840 --> 01:12:59.440
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1042
01:13:06.080 --> 01:13:10.720
Like, I just, I have like a taste of good and I just,

1043
01:13:11.280 --> 01:13:20.880
so I know I'm not going to date another jerk like I was with because I will not go back to

1044
01:13:20.880 --> 01:13:30.000
living that way. So, yeah. No, I hear you on that. My ex-husband used to always say to me,

1045
01:13:30.000 --> 01:13:34.080
well, if the Lord told you to marry, I said, if the Lord told me to marry you again,

1046
01:13:34.080 --> 01:13:38.160
it's just going to be one of my disobedient marks against me. I'd have been disobedient

1047
01:13:38.320 --> 01:13:42.160
before and I'm definitely going to do it again, brother.

1048
01:13:47.280 --> 01:13:54.160
My goodness. But, you know, be encouraged. The joy is in the journey and sometimes we're in

1049
01:13:54.160 --> 01:14:01.600
spaces where we can't identify. And it's okay to be in that space, to be in an unidentifiable

1050
01:14:01.600 --> 01:14:05.760
space because you know that you have a father in heaven who identifies right where you are.

1051
01:14:06.720 --> 01:14:12.160
And as you walk with him, Elaine, everything about identity, all these things, they just come.

1052
01:14:12.160 --> 01:14:16.880
There have been times where I have pressured the Lord, put pressure on myself, put pressure

1053
01:14:16.880 --> 01:14:23.520
on something to produce something in my life and the product did not come. But as when I cast my

1054
01:14:23.520 --> 01:14:27.920
cares upon the Lord and kept moving forward, all of a sudden these things start popping up.

1055
01:14:29.040 --> 01:14:34.800
They come up as you just keep going and trust the Lord. And I know that's something like we say,

1056
01:14:34.880 --> 01:14:40.560
just trust the Lord. But the truth is, that's the truth. Trust the Lord or you're going to sit

1057
01:14:40.560 --> 01:14:45.280
there and wreck your brain and run it over and over and over and over. And you're going to come

1058
01:14:45.280 --> 01:14:54.240
up empty every time. And I do, I don't like uncertainty. I have a plan and it's funny

1059
01:14:54.240 --> 01:14:59.840
because I laugh with God and I'm like, I know you're not giving me the map.

1060
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:06.600
Because I will just take it and run with it and so I'm not I'm really not used to

1061
01:15:07.040 --> 01:15:12.680
Following really? I mean obviously my two marriages. I was not listening to God and following him now

1062
01:15:12.680 --> 01:15:20.000
I'm kind of like 100% I want God's will but this is new for me. I'm used to seeing something go after it

1063
01:15:20.920 --> 01:15:27.320
This like it's almost confusing sometimes because it's like all right, you're not talking

1064
01:15:27.320 --> 01:15:33.160
I don't have a real indication of what you want me to do. People say oh God speaks to me and

1065
01:15:33.720 --> 01:15:37.560
I'll be I'll get really quiet and I'm like, okay, I'm listening

1066
01:15:40.680 --> 01:15:44.440
And I know a lot of people, you know, this is just part of it I'm learning that

1067
01:15:45.280 --> 01:15:47.280
Sometimes you just have to go with

1068
01:15:47.920 --> 01:15:50.840
You know go with how you feel and then

1069
01:15:51.680 --> 01:15:54.760
Figure if he doesn't want you to do it. He'll redirect you or slam the door shut

1070
01:15:55.280 --> 01:16:01.200
Yeah, it's a green light and tell us or not tell us a red light right it's a yes till it's a no and he can

1071
01:16:01.200 --> 01:16:03.200
Definitely redirect

1072
01:16:04.400 --> 01:16:10.840
Yeah, yeah, well, thank you for sharing and thank you for letting us speak into that with you sharing it with us

1073
01:16:10.840 --> 01:16:12.240
It's gonna be great

1074
01:16:12.240 --> 01:16:16.600
You know when you're not the one in the heat you can be like it's gonna be great the other person like sure you will

1075
01:16:16.600 --> 01:16:18.240
Say that you're not the one going through it

1076
01:16:18.240 --> 01:16:22.800
But that's why you have people around you that are not going through at the same time that you're going through so they can speak

1077
01:16:22.800 --> 01:16:28.720
Into what you're going through and give you encouragement and hope so you can keep running and that's what I'm doing. It's all good

1078
01:16:29.640 --> 01:16:31.640
Thank you. You're welcome

1079
01:16:32.400 --> 01:16:34.400
Why need that?

1080
01:16:34.480 --> 01:16:39.200
I'm right. Yeah, Elaine Lark. Oh, I'm sorry

1081
01:16:41.040 --> 01:16:43.040
Why neither okay

1082
01:16:44.400 --> 01:16:45.720
Hey

1083
01:16:45.720 --> 01:16:48.280
Hi, so all this is really

1084
01:16:49.040 --> 01:16:51.040
Great and intriguing as well

1085
01:16:51.720 --> 01:16:56.640
because I'm kind of with Elaine and I was kind of with others and

1086
01:16:57.440 --> 01:16:58.720
that

1087
01:16:58.720 --> 01:17:02.800
What you said undefiable undefinable space

1088
01:17:04.520 --> 01:17:07.600
Really triggered me because that's where I'm at myself

1089
01:17:10.240 --> 01:17:16.840
So I was married to somebody that had that worked with me we were both artists we both worked

1090
01:17:17.200 --> 01:17:19.200
Together we worked well together

1091
01:17:20.000 --> 01:17:22.000
we built things together and

1092
01:17:23.720 --> 01:17:27.720
But he decided that he wasn't committed to the marriage and left and

1093
01:17:29.080 --> 01:17:35.760
So it kind of just left me with so I find myself when I'm looking for somebody

1094
01:17:38.520 --> 01:17:45.000
This person is like well you were the perfect person we worked together we got along together

1095
01:17:45.000 --> 01:17:48.160
we could we did a lot of things together, but he

1096
01:17:48.920 --> 01:17:51.480
wasn't committed to Christ or the

1097
01:17:53.040 --> 01:17:54.960
Marriage so

1098
01:17:54.960 --> 01:17:58.160
When I go on so I finally went on Facebook

1099
01:17:58.440 --> 01:18:04.640
But in my area, there's nothing but disheveled old men and it just is heartbreaking

1100
01:18:05.320 --> 01:18:07.600
because I'm just why I'm like the the

1101
01:18:07.920 --> 01:18:14.240
Dating 101 who's like swipe swipe swipe swipe and I'm like, oh dear Jesus

1102
01:18:14.240 --> 01:18:16.240
this is just heartbreaking and

1103
01:18:18.680 --> 01:18:22.480
So, yeah, so but I also know that I'm on a reset

1104
01:18:23.160 --> 01:18:29.120
With my art business and and I don't know where God's gonna take me with that

1105
01:18:29.640 --> 01:18:31.640
so I'm kind of feeling in

1106
01:18:32.680 --> 01:18:34.680
Limbo

1107
01:18:34.760 --> 01:18:39.920
If that's a good word, yeah, but I have my job my my little

1108
01:18:40.520 --> 01:18:44.840
Storage self-storage job that I manage and and I

1109
01:18:46.200 --> 01:18:51.600
Because I keep asking my question as well. What do you want Juanita? What do you want now?

1110
01:18:52.160 --> 01:18:57.040
Because I'm older even even when I moved here eight years ago

1111
01:18:57.960 --> 01:18:59.960
to Weaverville, I

1112
01:19:00.080 --> 01:19:05.320
Had super amount of energy. I mean I was a 30 year old in my 60s

1113
01:19:05.960 --> 01:19:09.920
Late 60s and and so as I aged

1114
01:19:10.960 --> 01:19:16.320
Into my 73 year old. I'm feeling the 73 year old

1115
01:19:18.200 --> 01:19:19.840
Dilemma

1116
01:19:19.840 --> 01:19:21.840
physical dilemmas and

1117
01:19:22.120 --> 01:19:27.760
And I don't know if it's just because my gallbladder is acting up that I don't have the energy

1118
01:19:27.760 --> 01:19:31.200
I mean I get up and I have a lot of energy and then the afternoon I don't

1119
01:19:32.000 --> 01:19:33.320
and

1120
01:19:33.400 --> 01:19:40.360
And motivation it's like oh my gosh, it's like somebody just pulled the plug on motivation and I'm like, is that

1121
01:19:41.520 --> 01:19:44.880
Physical or is that like because of old age?

1122
01:19:46.240 --> 01:19:50.800
And is it an aging thing? Is it or is it just a

1123
01:19:52.160 --> 01:19:54.560
Undisciplined thing so I'm really

1124
01:19:56.080 --> 01:20:00.120
Grappling at what what is going on with me and what do I?

1125
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:09.120
I want at this stage of my life? And when I get my gallbladder out, will it be different?

1126
01:20:09.120 --> 01:20:15.600
And because I really want to get my hip fix as well, will those two things bring back

1127
01:20:15.600 --> 01:20:25.000
more of what I had before? Yeah, that's kind of where I'm at. And so I'm also feeling like

1128
01:20:25.000 --> 01:20:32.000
the Lord is asking me to move on to stage three. But I really like today. Like, I don't

1129
01:20:32.000 --> 01:20:37.080
know. Are you sure? Yeah, we're gonna go. And so that's something I'm going to pray

1130
01:20:37.080 --> 01:20:44.920
into. But I really felt like, yeah, maybe it's time to go into phase three.

1131
01:20:44.920 --> 01:20:52.640
I think that everything that you say are real thoughts. And I'm not, you know, I'm not 73.

1132
01:20:52.640 --> 01:20:58.720
And I feel almost like, I feel like, how dare I speak into a place that I've not been?

1133
01:20:58.720 --> 01:21:04.960
I don't want to be insulting at all. But there are things that our body goes through. And

1134
01:21:04.960 --> 01:21:12.000
they're also not just things, but the enemy comes, like little noise in our ear, talking

1135
01:21:12.000 --> 01:21:15.400
to us. Like, you don't even notice the thoughts, but they're just flying through. And he's

1136
01:21:15.400 --> 01:21:20.000
throwing out little darts and little arrows at us. Just things, you know, like, I'm gonna

1137
01:21:20.000 --> 01:21:25.760
give an example. When I was like, where did I put that? Where the heck did I put it? And

1138
01:21:25.760 --> 01:21:30.280
it's something, a little dart comes out quicker than I could think. Oh, you can't remember,

1139
01:21:30.280 --> 01:21:37.000
huh? And it's just like, am I losing my memory? Like those little fiery darts that are coming

1140
01:21:37.000 --> 01:21:42.600
at you as you're aging. I didn't hear it more so now till I'm like 40. But I hear my dad

1141
01:21:42.600 --> 01:21:46.880
say things and I'm just like, that's a fiery dart of the enemy. Everything is like you're

1142
01:21:46.960 --> 01:21:52.960
losing. Like you, oh, it's old age, count it out. You know, you got more years behind you than in

1143
01:21:52.960 --> 01:21:57.760
front of you. Just like all these little darts that are coming at you. And so I hear you and

1144
01:21:57.760 --> 01:22:02.560
I believe that the enemy is throwing a lot of fiery darts at you. And there could be, and as

1145
01:22:02.560 --> 01:22:08.560
women, even me now, I'm like, where's all my energy? Am I peril menopause? Is that what they

1146
01:22:08.560 --> 01:22:14.400
call this? I'm sweating the sheets out at night, every night, my bed wet like a pool. What the

1147
01:22:14.480 --> 01:22:24.640
heck? And so women have so much to go through in the body. It's interesting to me. And so.

1148
01:22:26.160 --> 01:22:32.080
But Ebony, I think you're right, is because I'm always finding the truth of what I'm thinking

1149
01:22:32.080 --> 01:22:40.000
or feeling about, you know, am I, am I really this tired? Or is it just not discipline? And so

1150
01:22:40.880 --> 01:22:47.440
when I make the effort and get up and go to the gym, and I do the gym, and then I feel great.

1151
01:22:48.320 --> 01:22:56.640
And then, but it's getting there. You know, it's just this vortex of,

1152
01:22:58.160 --> 01:23:06.240
of getting the body and the mind to like, get out the door and do do it. And yeah, so you're,

1153
01:23:06.240 --> 01:23:11.680
you're right on about there. Yes, some of it may be true physically and,

1154
01:23:13.280 --> 01:23:22.000
but there's also the war that goes with it. Right. And if you don't do this, you are very

1155
01:23:22.000 --> 01:23:27.600
joy filled person, in my opinion, but I want you to start celebrating every little thing that you

1156
01:23:27.600 --> 01:23:34.080
do. So in to measure how many of those fiery darts you're going to get to put out. You know,

1157
01:23:34.080 --> 01:23:40.080
the Bible says that's why we have our shield of faith to, to, to catch the fiery darts of the

1158
01:23:40.080 --> 01:23:46.240
enemy, the fiery darts of thoughts that we think he's shooting them at us. But I want you to start

1159
01:23:46.240 --> 01:23:52.400
practicing rejoicing everything that you do, that you do do. And I believe that you're going to find

1160
01:23:52.400 --> 01:23:57.280
that health and strength is coming to your body. I want you to find everything that your body does

1161
01:23:57.280 --> 01:24:01.680
do well in rejoicing it. Just try it for a week. If you can't do it for a week, try it for three

1162
01:24:01.680 --> 01:24:06.640
days. And I really do believe that you're going to find strength coming to your body because when

1163
01:24:06.640 --> 01:24:13.440
strength comes to the mind, it feels the body. It tells the body who you're going to be and what

1164
01:24:13.440 --> 01:24:19.440
you're going to do. Right. And the body begins to step different when we feed it something different,

1165
01:24:19.440 --> 01:24:25.440
even with food, natural food, the same thing with our thoughts, what we tell ourselves, our bodies

1166
01:24:25.440 --> 01:24:31.440
operate differently. And another thing is, I want you think maybe you can try expanding your

1167
01:24:32.000 --> 01:24:38.880
mileage on your dating app. Oh, I want you to talk to somebody you trapped up in the mountains.

1168
01:24:39.440 --> 01:24:47.680
Oh yeah. They're giving me people all the way to Sacramento and the Bay area and way up in Oregon.

1169
01:24:47.680 --> 01:24:59.840
They're all like, yeah. And what app is this? Facebook. That sucks. What other app?

1170
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.360
You tried another app.

1171
01:25:01.360 --> 01:25:05.720
So I'm going to try the one that last year's singles

1172
01:25:05.720 --> 01:25:08.480
affiliated with, ARC, I guess, or whatever that is.

1173
01:25:08.480 --> 01:25:10.200
Oh, yeah.

1174
01:25:10.200 --> 01:25:12.360
Yeah, I don't know how long ARC has been in your ear.

1175
01:25:12.360 --> 01:25:13.760
What church do you go to?

1176
01:25:13.760 --> 01:25:16.640
Do you go to a fellowship there?

1177
01:25:16.640 --> 01:25:22.360
So I kind of like stepped out of two churches

1178
01:25:22.360 --> 01:25:28.280
and went back to going online with Bethel because that was.

1179
01:25:28.280 --> 01:25:31.440
And I do go down once in a while.

1180
01:25:31.440 --> 01:25:34.600
So I try to show up there.

1181
01:25:34.600 --> 01:25:37.560
But it's all right.

1182
01:25:37.560 --> 01:25:39.200
I mean, it's.

1183
01:25:39.200 --> 01:25:41.320
How long does it take you to get to Bethel?

1184
01:25:41.320 --> 01:25:42.680
An hour.

1185
01:25:42.680 --> 01:25:43.800
Oh, wow, I see.

1186
01:25:43.800 --> 01:25:44.800
OK.

1187
01:25:44.800 --> 01:25:47.360
Because they have a big community, right?

1188
01:25:47.360 --> 01:25:49.240
They have a huge community.

1189
01:25:49.240 --> 01:25:53.400
I mean, and so that's part of it is that you just walk in

1190
01:25:53.400 --> 01:25:57.240
and it's just noise and people.

1191
01:25:57.240 --> 01:25:59.360
I mean, I went to BSSM for two years.

1192
01:25:59.360 --> 01:26:02.760
So I know what it's like.

1193
01:26:02.760 --> 01:26:04.320
I know.

1194
01:26:04.320 --> 01:26:05.880
Yeah, so.

1195
01:26:05.880 --> 01:26:09.280
Are there any smaller communities within Bethel

1196
01:26:09.280 --> 01:26:11.160
that you can get connected with?

1197
01:26:11.160 --> 01:26:16.240
Well, I just looked yesterday on their website for home groups

1198
01:26:16.240 --> 01:26:17.360
or whatever.

1199
01:26:17.360 --> 01:26:22.360
And they all seem to be like out for the summer or something.

1200
01:26:22.360 --> 01:26:23.160
I don't know.

1201
01:26:23.160 --> 01:26:25.240
Or once a month or something.

1202
01:26:25.240 --> 01:26:25.960
Yeah.

1203
01:26:25.960 --> 01:26:27.520
Well, when fall starts back, I want

1204
01:26:27.520 --> 01:26:29.280
to see you get into a group.

1205
01:26:29.280 --> 01:26:33.960
I want you to get in with some people.

1206
01:26:33.960 --> 01:26:35.920
Not just being online.

1207
01:26:35.920 --> 01:26:36.720
If you can do that.

1208
01:26:36.720 --> 01:26:43.960
So I had to walk out of one here because the idolatry

1209
01:26:43.960 --> 01:26:50.000
towards the pastor was so in your face.

1210
01:26:50.000 --> 01:26:55.000
Of all the older women, here's this 40-year-old pastor

1211
01:26:55.000 --> 01:27:00.200
and all the older women were like, oh, he's like Jesus.

1212
01:27:00.200 --> 01:27:02.880
And just over and over again.

1213
01:27:02.880 --> 01:27:09.680
And then anyway, it just was super unhealthy.

1214
01:27:09.680 --> 01:27:12.680
And so I kind of distanced myself

1215
01:27:12.680 --> 01:27:16.800
from all those women and the church.

1216
01:27:16.800 --> 01:27:21.680
And the other church, the pastor,

1217
01:27:21.720 --> 01:27:30.360
he's really nice, but not really doesn't

1218
01:27:30.360 --> 01:27:33.240
have a real strong preach.

1219
01:27:33.240 --> 01:27:38.240
It's like when I'm used to listening to all the Bethel

1220
01:27:38.240 --> 01:27:43.680
people and Pedro Deo and all those guys.

1221
01:27:43.680 --> 01:27:48.840
And then you go to listen to a preach and it's very religious

1222
01:27:48.880 --> 01:27:53.360
or they don't give you the punchline until the end

1223
01:27:53.360 --> 01:27:55.200
in a very passive way.

1224
01:27:55.200 --> 01:27:58.040
And it's like I'm sitting there going,

1225
01:27:58.040 --> 01:28:01.000
you didn't tell them up front.

1226
01:28:01.000 --> 01:28:02.080
Right.

1227
01:28:02.080 --> 01:28:06.760
Yeah, it's that trial and error of finding what floats your boat.

1228
01:28:06.760 --> 01:28:08.080
Juanita, let me do something.

1229
01:28:08.080 --> 01:28:10.360
Ladies, the session ends at 8.15.

1230
01:28:10.360 --> 01:28:12.960
You do not have to stay on the session.

1231
01:28:12.960 --> 01:28:16.400
I'm going to take our last three questions.

1232
01:28:16.400 --> 01:28:18.040
But you are welcome to leave.

1233
01:28:18.040 --> 01:28:20.000
I realize that a lot of you guys are new

1234
01:28:20.000 --> 01:28:24.000
and so I don't want you to think that you are held to stay on.

1235
01:28:24.000 --> 01:28:25.960
Felicia, you want to post?

1236
01:28:25.960 --> 01:28:28.000
OK.

1237
01:28:28.000 --> 01:28:30.040
Sounds OK.

1238
01:28:30.040 --> 01:28:31.000
Where did Juanita go?

1239
01:28:31.000 --> 01:28:32.840
OK, the screen pops around.

1240
01:28:32.840 --> 01:28:33.920
So I enjoyed you ladies.

1241
01:28:33.920 --> 01:28:38.200
And if you have to go, please feel free to do that.

1242
01:28:38.200 --> 01:28:40.440
Well, you said, yeah, Juanita, so you just weren't,

1243
01:28:40.440 --> 01:28:42.480
they didn't quite float your boat.

1244
01:28:42.480 --> 01:28:44.600
Right.

1245
01:28:44.600 --> 01:28:52.120
My other option is like there's the Nazarene Church,

1246
01:28:52.120 --> 01:28:56.160
but it's, you know, and so I'm like,

1247
01:28:56.160 --> 01:28:59.120
it has a lot of people, you know.

1248
01:28:59.120 --> 01:29:04.240
And so then I'm like, oh, Lord Jesus, we are in a spot.

1249
01:29:04.240 --> 01:29:08.640
So I'm just kind of navigating a lot.

1250
01:29:08.640 --> 01:29:11.080
You know, I go out a lot.

1251
01:29:11.080 --> 01:29:12.880
I mean, I go to restaurants a lot.

1252
01:29:13.760 --> 01:29:19.640
You know, I just go to whatever I can, you know,

1253
01:29:19.640 --> 01:29:22.280
chamber of commerce member and I volunteer.

1254
01:29:22.280 --> 01:29:26.480
And, you know, I try to be out there.

1255
01:29:26.480 --> 01:29:30.720
And I don't have trouble speaking to men.

1256
01:29:30.720 --> 01:29:33.040
I mean, they come to my window and we talk, you know,

1257
01:29:33.040 --> 01:29:35.560
and they come and they whatever.

1258
01:29:35.560 --> 01:29:40.360
So, yeah, it's just a very interesting place

1259
01:29:40.360 --> 01:29:42.000
that the Lord has me in.

1260
01:29:42.040 --> 01:29:43.840
Yeah.

1261
01:29:43.840 --> 01:29:48.960
And part of it is, Lord, so my question,

1262
01:29:48.960 --> 01:29:54.000
sometimes my question is, so Lord, do you want me to move?

1263
01:29:54.000 --> 01:29:57.960
But how do I move, you know, in a place

1264
01:29:57.960 --> 01:30:00.160
where there's more people, more, more access?

1265
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:07.760
and you know it's like I don't know I'm kind of in a yeah that's a tight place yeah but I've been

1266
01:30:07.760 --> 01:30:15.840
in this place for eight years so I've been here in Weaverville for eight years and it's it's

1267
01:30:16.880 --> 01:30:26.320
my attitude is better than it was say a year ago about being here well um we're gonna I just well

1268
01:30:26.320 --> 01:30:31.760
father I just agree with heaven that he's gonna bring you instructions and directions um we don't

1269
01:30:31.760 --> 01:30:35.920
believe in stuck places in the lord I believe that the lord is always moving always working

1270
01:30:35.920 --> 01:30:40.400
always doing something and so lord whatever has to be removed out of Juanita's way so that she

1271
01:30:40.400 --> 01:30:45.120
can hear understand the plan that you have for her life and what you want her doing in this season

1272
01:30:45.120 --> 01:30:52.160
I pray lord god that she will be able to receive that very well in Jesus name we pray amen amen

1273
01:30:52.160 --> 01:31:02.160
thank you ebony you're welcome um how do you say your name free free tea yeah yeah you got it

1274
01:31:02.800 --> 01:31:11.520
yeah oh yay um so nice to meet you ebony this is my first day in this space yeah um so uh I guess

1275
01:31:11.520 --> 01:31:18.640
what I'm gathering is this like a round robin like we can ask you anything yeah okay awesome cool

1276
01:31:18.640 --> 01:31:26.000
um so I'll be brief I'll just introduce myself um I am dialing in from Ottawa the capital of Canada

1277
01:31:28.240 --> 01:31:33.840
and I am a first generation Christian or the only Christian in my extended family

1278
01:31:33.840 --> 01:31:41.440
I was saved about 20 years ago uh like the other sister on the call I also come from a little bit

1279
01:31:41.440 --> 01:31:47.200
more conservative background obviously uh but slightly different in different ways so won't

1280
01:31:47.200 --> 01:31:53.440
get into the details of it but also like basically wasn't allowed to date growing up and then

1281
01:31:53.440 --> 01:31:58.560
suddenly when you are 22 and you have a job and a master's degree then the switch is turned on like

1282
01:31:58.560 --> 01:32:04.400
where's your husband now you know it's like there is no period to actually experience it so having

1283
01:32:04.400 --> 01:32:10.320
said that I've actually never been in a relationship before like I've tried dating but I've never been

1284
01:32:10.320 --> 01:32:16.560
in a relationship before I'm in my early 40s um although I have to say that I have been attracted

1285
01:32:16.560 --> 01:32:23.040
to men but like I have never had the courage to ask them out or share so I kind of say I'm

1286
01:32:23.040 --> 01:32:28.240
kind of the queen of the unrequited love in some sense I'm hoping to change that this year

1287
01:32:29.280 --> 01:32:35.440
uh and I guess like I mean just like I don't know if there's anybody else here on the call

1288
01:32:35.440 --> 01:32:40.720
from Canada but like this like I lived in North Carolina for 10 years and I just moved like a few

1289
01:32:40.720 --> 01:32:46.400
years ago uh I would say that this is a very different country when it comes to people with

1290
01:32:46.400 --> 01:32:55.040
faith so we we do operate with a slightly smaller pool even though like I believe that supernaturally

1291
01:32:55.040 --> 01:33:00.640
God provides however many people we need right to get to the right person so I'm believing that

1292
01:33:00.640 --> 01:33:08.080
but having said that my experience on the dating websites have been like pretty discouraging for

1293
01:33:08.080 --> 01:33:16.560
the most part like there are men who are into openly polyamorous relationships and also there's

1294
01:33:16.560 --> 01:33:22.560
a line which is very popular on many dating sites here which I've had better experience before but

1295
01:33:22.560 --> 01:33:29.520
not not in the last few years it's called they call it intimacy without commitment um and stuff

1296
01:33:29.520 --> 01:33:36.000
like that so anyway having said that I'm trying really hard to meet people organically uh and

1297
01:33:36.000 --> 01:33:41.600
because I was in I kind of stayed longer in the first phase because like I was never really sure

1298
01:33:41.600 --> 01:33:47.680
if I'm ready because like you know I was like I don't know like is this the time so um Bethany

1299
01:33:47.680 --> 01:33:54.400
said it's time for me to go to the next phase so here I am uh having said that I did want to ask

1300
01:33:54.400 --> 01:34:00.400
you while I mean I'm open to dating sites and meeting people organically I wanted to specifically

1301
01:34:00.400 --> 01:34:07.840
ask if you have any advice on like dating people who are your good friends um because I do have

1302
01:34:07.840 --> 01:34:13.680
somebody in my network actually he's my neighbor and we've been really good friends but like he is

1303
01:34:13.680 --> 01:34:19.360
a very ethical Christian man right and so I think he's like because when I talk to my girlfriends

1304
01:34:19.360 --> 01:34:24.400
they're like has he made a move like blah blah blah and I'm like I mean he's very kind and very

1305
01:34:24.400 --> 01:34:29.360
attention um like you know very attentive to my needs like if something breaks down in my house

1306
01:34:29.360 --> 01:34:36.480
like he is there to help but like he's not like I don't I'm not sure if I read things properly

1307
01:34:36.480 --> 01:34:41.040
also because like I'm not like I don't have experience so my question to you which you

1308
01:34:41.040 --> 01:34:47.280
answered is like can you approach a man and you said yes but also like I really care about this

1309
01:34:47.280 --> 01:34:53.120
friendship and like you know again like I'm not super like it's not it's nothing serious but I'm

1310
01:34:53.120 --> 01:34:59.920
just saying that we are good friends and so in the past like I have liked men that I got to

1311
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:08.480
know better as friends because like yes there is a spiritual part to it but also like i enjoy having

1312
01:35:08.480 --> 01:35:14.320
intellectually stimulating conversations i love the board behind you around chase adventures that's

1313
01:35:14.320 --> 01:35:21.280
really like my personality and so like normally when i like when i've tried christian speed dating

1314
01:35:21.280 --> 01:35:27.280
or other things like i've really even struggled to find men who have a hobby you know like they

1315
01:35:27.280 --> 01:35:32.480
don't even have a hobby like i don't know like i've tried and so here there is a person like

1316
01:35:32.480 --> 01:35:39.680
we're not like romantically involved or anything but like like everything kind of vibes right like

1317
01:35:39.680 --> 01:35:47.200
in terms of interests and values and ethics and stuff like that and so like i just wanted to ask

1318
01:35:47.200 --> 01:35:55.200
if you have any like advice for me specifically around how to approach like a friend okay so this

1319
01:35:55.200 --> 01:36:01.040
is yes i do i was thinking in my head what to tell you what to say so i think that you should

1320
01:36:01.760 --> 01:36:10.560
um be just real up front and just say hey listen i am on the market dating we're really good friends

1321
01:36:10.560 --> 01:36:14.880
i don't want to ruin our friendship i think you're absolutely amazing but i wanted to know

1322
01:36:14.880 --> 01:36:19.200
would you be interested in going on a date with me it's not gonna get weird if you say no

1323
01:36:19.200 --> 01:36:24.320
it's not gonna get weird if you say yes be that direct be that very direct because you're not

1324
01:36:24.320 --> 01:36:29.120
wanting to ruin your friendship with him say look they said good friends can sometimes make

1325
01:36:29.120 --> 01:36:34.320
really good spouses so i'm just saying would you be interested in us going out for coffee

1326
01:36:34.320 --> 01:36:40.400
to see if we had something in common beyond our friendship i'm not gonna chance our friendship

1327
01:36:40.400 --> 01:36:44.880
don't you do it just because i'm asking you if you don't want to do it say no because your

1328
01:36:44.880 --> 01:36:52.160
friendship means a lot to me and i don't want to mess it up in any kind of way right like you're

1329
01:36:52.160 --> 01:36:57.440
being so clear up front like look you're single i'm single have you ever thought about maybe

1330
01:36:58.080 --> 01:37:02.160
you know you want to go on a date but we're not going to go on a date at the cost of our friendship

1331
01:37:03.200 --> 01:37:08.400
okay right i don't want to lose you as a friend i don't want this to get weird it doesn't have to

1332
01:37:08.400 --> 01:37:12.720
be weird and you sound like you're very straightforward sounds like you can pull

1333
01:37:12.720 --> 01:37:18.160
this type of straightforward conversation out yes i'm very straightforward but also

1334
01:37:18.160 --> 01:37:25.600
canadians are super polite who's canadians are like they don't they're not very upfront

1335
01:37:25.600 --> 01:37:31.360
with their emotions like they're kind of slow to it like they're yeah they're very nice but

1336
01:37:31.360 --> 01:37:37.680
like kind of private you know so you can say i know the canadians are very private and polite

1337
01:37:38.240 --> 01:37:44.240
okay i am telling you your friendship means more to politeness and quietness it means more to me

1338
01:37:44.800 --> 01:37:49.040
and so you want to grab a coffee would you be interested in getting to know me you can

1339
01:37:49.040 --> 01:37:55.440
completely say no so here's the thing though like we have actually done a lot of things together

1340
01:37:55.440 --> 01:38:01.440
like we ski together uh and we are in like we neighbors like not just him like we're we're

1341
01:38:01.440 --> 01:38:06.800
like a really close community because in covid we kind of became each other's bubbles right so like

1342
01:38:06.800 --> 01:38:14.160
we meet in groups but we'll also hang out one and one oh so it's kind of weird to be like hey do

1343
01:38:14.160 --> 01:38:20.400
you want to meet because like we've had like so many days no but you're talking more you're trying

1344
01:38:20.400 --> 01:38:26.560
to see if y'all have some romantic sparks and what you're saying to him so how about is there

1345
01:38:26.560 --> 01:38:32.000
someone in the group that you could ask to ask him like his thoughts about you or maybe y'all

1346
01:38:32.000 --> 01:38:39.600
hanging out and see what they what he says to them i mean people okay i will ask i mean like

1347
01:38:39.600 --> 01:38:45.360
people know that we are super close because you know like we like we hang out together but like

1348
01:38:45.360 --> 01:38:52.640
also like we all have inside jokes with each other right like as friends and so like we are super

1349
01:38:52.640 --> 01:39:00.640
close but like we've never done anything like a romantic yeah like we've we've like we've respected

1350
01:39:00.640 --> 01:39:07.520
that boundary right so yeah i'm excited i think you should just say look you know be real you

1351
01:39:07.520 --> 01:39:13.040
have that rapport with him already like what would you think about us seeing if we could match like

1352
01:39:13.760 --> 01:39:19.600
on the more romantic side like let's have a coffee date like if you were you know i had one friend

1353
01:39:19.600 --> 01:39:24.480
asked me one time we were friends and look i'm not gonna take long to speed up but we were friends and

1354
01:39:24.480 --> 01:39:31.120
uh he said to me ebony i want to take you on a date now we hung out went to dinner all the time

1355
01:39:31.120 --> 01:39:36.960
he was a teacher in a just a couple hours away and he said uh i want to take you on a date i said

1356
01:39:37.680 --> 01:39:44.000
what kind of date he was like a real date and i was like do you he said yeah i said well okay we

1357
01:39:44.000 --> 01:39:49.840
can go he said we can i was like yeah you can try to woo me let's go on a real date let's see what

1358
01:39:49.840 --> 01:39:55.760
happens but he approached it right like he approached it because i wasn't interested in

1359
01:39:55.760 --> 01:39:59.920
him though i wasn't i didn't look at him as right you know and so i don't

1360
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:08.160
paint like i've given any hint that i'm interested like i've been very guarded like in my emotions

1361
01:40:08.160 --> 01:40:13.760
yeah and i'm a very open person so he knew that he can say something to me he talked to me about

1362
01:40:13.760 --> 01:40:20.000
all his dates he talked to me about relationships so we had a very open he knew that i dated for

1363
01:40:20.000 --> 01:40:26.000
discovery like so we had a very open so he a person could say anything to me because i usually

1364
01:40:26.000 --> 01:40:31.680
say anything to a person i'm just that way so i think that you could say something he could be

1365
01:40:31.680 --> 01:40:36.320
shy he could think that she probably would never go for it but i think you should go for it okay

1366
01:40:36.320 --> 01:40:44.240
all right okay i mean i have no courage to do this but i will gather courage you can do it

1367
01:40:44.240 --> 01:40:52.080
just make it like a calming conversation okay all right you can do it tell me about it once

1368
01:40:52.080 --> 01:40:57.280
you do it please totally totally i mean i'm also sharing this so that i'm accountable because i

1369
01:40:57.280 --> 01:41:02.720
have had friends who've told me like for the last six months i should talk to him and i haven't done

1370
01:41:02.720 --> 01:41:08.800
it and then you go in phase one and you're told like you can't approach anyone so i kind of just

1371
01:41:09.360 --> 01:41:17.120
like didn't but now i'm allowed right like i'm officially it's time it's time you know jackie

1372
01:41:17.200 --> 01:41:24.240
her husband were neighbors yes yes yes i remember her saying that uh and like i mean which is why

1373
01:41:25.040 --> 01:41:29.280
like which is why i thought like thought even about it because otherwise kind of it's kind of

1374
01:41:29.280 --> 01:41:34.480
weird right and again like i said we have been good friends for the last four years like all

1375
01:41:34.480 --> 01:41:41.520
the neighbors have been but but yeah it's because of covid because we are all far away from our

1376
01:41:42.080 --> 01:41:48.800
and like canada was pretty strict about covid protocols right so right uh anyway having said

1377
01:41:48.800 --> 01:41:56.880
that uh like we've we've never like we respected the boundaries of friendship right okay so women

1378
01:41:56.880 --> 01:42:05.440
can ask men uh is the clarification uh and the other thing is that um that i have to just be

1379
01:42:05.760 --> 01:42:11.920
and up front okay that's right you got this courage to do it okay but but like i said i'm

1380
01:42:11.920 --> 01:42:18.400
simultaneously also like out and about keeping like all my options open right like i'm not right

1381
01:42:19.760 --> 01:42:26.080
i'm not holding on to one thing right you got this okay go go go and you got some comments

1382
01:42:26.080 --> 01:42:30.160
can't do it okay thank you you're welcome marley

1383
01:42:34.080 --> 01:42:40.640
hi um marley is in canada too that's what she was telling you pretty

1384
01:42:42.480 --> 01:42:50.240
in ottawa too um so yes i put it in the chat um so i just wanted to say um

1385
01:42:51.200 --> 01:43:00.560
that i'm i'm happy that we had that dresses um challenge way back because i've been consistently

1386
01:43:00.560 --> 01:43:08.320
i and i i can count maybe on on the fingers of one hand the number of times that i have not worn a

1387
01:43:08.320 --> 01:43:15.840
dress recently so um i had them but i was not wearing them so it feels it feels really nice

1388
01:43:15.920 --> 01:43:23.680
um i i don't know if you remember but last week i was a little bit dejected i was saying that

1389
01:43:23.680 --> 01:43:31.920
on the app um a lot of people were saying that they were either atheist or agnostic

1390
01:43:32.800 --> 01:43:40.400
um so but i i had a word of encouragement and i went and and liked oh great my folks my

1391
01:43:41.360 --> 01:43:51.280
my uh laptop is about to die oh no don't die no i don't want it to die let me just connect it

1392
01:43:51.280 --> 01:44:03.760
yeah oh boy okay so um i i was able to i i i commented on a few profiles and so i've been

1393
01:44:03.840 --> 01:44:14.320
going back and forth with this guy um and we're going out on a date on friday yay so um

1394
01:44:17.040 --> 01:44:24.160
so he was there was something on his profile he was saying that he's afraid of um of what do you

1395
01:44:24.160 --> 01:44:29.680
call it the witches so and there's a story behind it and i asked for the story and he said and he

1396
01:44:29.680 --> 01:44:39.600
said um and he said this story i would have to tell in person okay so when are we going when am

1397
01:44:39.600 --> 01:44:46.400
i going to hear that story and is it going to be coming with you know visual effects and and and

1398
01:44:46.400 --> 01:44:51.520
noise and of of any sort why does it know if there's going to be all that but anyway so we

1399
01:44:51.520 --> 01:44:59.840
were meeting on friday and uh downtown so he was suggest he suggested that i part and that's

1400
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:08.240
my question is that I park my and it's a Friday night so that I park my car in his building

1401
01:45:08.960 --> 01:45:18.320
and that we can walk to the place that we're going for a drink. Now I'm very cautious myself as

1402
01:45:20.160 --> 01:45:26.640
personality wise and I just wanted to to find out what your thoughts were on that.

1403
01:45:27.600 --> 01:45:37.920
Yeah, I wouldn't do it. Perfect. Yeah. Perfect. Thank you. Okay. And there's another profile

1404
01:45:37.920 --> 01:45:50.160
that I liked and what was interesting was we're about three years apart. I'm 56. He's three years

1405
01:45:50.160 --> 01:45:57.680
younger. So everything in the on the profile looked great. Interesting. He said and that's

1406
01:45:57.680 --> 01:46:03.120
the first profile that I ever saw where the man is saying my faith is important to me.

1407
01:46:03.920 --> 01:46:14.480
Ever. On the hinge. But he wants kids at 53 and I'm thinking does that mean that his

1408
01:46:15.280 --> 01:46:24.720
window of women that he's interested in is 25 and to 40 but why would I even see him because

1409
01:46:24.720 --> 01:46:30.080
he's not in my that's so I want to know your thoughts on that as well.

1410
01:46:32.480 --> 01:46:41.360
Um he could want kids but have also decided if he doesn't um if he doesn't you know you can

1411
01:46:42.240 --> 01:46:46.480
right because if he likes you back he's going to see your profile and know that you're 56 and he's

1412
01:46:46.480 --> 01:46:50.480
going to know that though he may he's going to be able to make a decision from that point.

1413
01:46:51.200 --> 01:46:58.560
Does that make sense? Yeah. So that's that's what I was thinking. I don't I'm not losing anything by

1414
01:46:58.560 --> 01:47:07.040
liking his profile. So I did and I commented I said um something to the effect that I think

1415
01:47:07.040 --> 01:47:14.240
it's great that he is talking he he from the get-go he says that his faith is important to him.

1416
01:47:14.240 --> 01:47:23.840
Yeah. I I haven't heard anything yet but I found it um interesting and the last point um

1417
01:47:24.720 --> 01:47:33.120
there was this guy that I was chatting with who was 49 and I think I should change my my um my

1418
01:47:33.680 --> 01:47:41.600
age range because I tend to be very suspicious of people who are 49 or 50. I'm thinking

1419
01:47:42.240 --> 01:47:49.760
why why do like why would you want to be interacting with me and I only did that because

1420
01:47:50.640 --> 01:47:56.960
I remember the guidelines that we were given were like go a little bit beyond the the

1421
01:47:57.920 --> 01:48:04.400
the range that you picked for yourself but I'm very suspicious. So we started chatting

1422
01:48:05.600 --> 01:48:14.240
and uh and it was his turn to respond but he didn't and finally I said well you know I I

1423
01:48:14.240 --> 01:48:24.320
I don't see this going um in a in a romantic uh manner and he was he was upset and he said yeah

1424
01:48:24.320 --> 01:48:32.080
well you could have told you and he said of course like it was since June 26 that you did

1425
01:48:32.080 --> 01:48:38.560
not respond you didn't ask any question I yeah you didn't send me any type of music that you

1426
01:48:38.560 --> 01:48:45.680
like um ha ha ha um you you definitely telling me something that I didn't know I'm thinking

1427
01:48:46.240 --> 01:48:56.480
huh and right away he um he unmatched me and it it stung and so I'm just saying that to say that

1428
01:48:56.480 --> 01:49:03.520
it stung a little bit because I I was kind of my message when I said I don't think this is going

1429
01:49:03.520 --> 01:49:10.640
I'm wishing you the best blah blah and I left that message on for a few days so that if he

1430
01:49:10.640 --> 01:49:18.080
wanted to respond he could respond and he did that and I was thinking I was upset when that

1431
01:49:18.080 --> 01:49:22.320
happened it's because it stung and then I was thinking no you don't you don't need to be upset

1432
01:49:22.320 --> 01:49:28.480
because in reality you dodged a bullet right like that's how that's with somebody that you don't

1433
01:49:28.480 --> 01:49:34.880
even know and you're reacting like that so I just wanted to share that that experience so that's it

1434
01:49:35.840 --> 01:49:41.920
yeah yeah that's an inch I've had guys do that to me too like just go out on me I had one guy

1435
01:49:41.920 --> 01:49:47.280
cussed me out for everything he could think of yes baby he cussed me out bad

1436
01:49:50.960 --> 01:49:58.000
I was like okay all right wow yeah so this thing is definitely I feel this I felt this thing a

1437
01:49:58.000 --> 01:49:59.840
whole lot of time

1438
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:09.960
Yeah. One thing I may want to add is it's to the point today that I'm unattached whether

1439
01:50:09.960 --> 01:50:16.280
I'm the one who liked the guy first or not, to the extent that sometimes I don't even

1440
01:50:16.280 --> 01:50:25.240
remember who initiated what, right? And I like being in that state. So I'm involved,

1441
01:50:25.240 --> 01:50:33.000
I'm detached at the same time. Yay. Look at you. It was just the last call. You were like,

1442
01:50:33.000 --> 01:50:40.480
I'm not watching, liking somebody first. You go. All right, Lori, we're going to wrap it

1443
01:50:40.480 --> 01:50:45.640
up with you because it's 8 51. What's going on girl? Did you go on a date with the lumberjack

1444
01:50:45.640 --> 01:50:53.240
guy? I went on a date with him and oh my gosh, he's a babe. What does that mean? Like he's

1445
01:50:53.240 --> 01:51:05.160
a babe or what? Oh my gosh. Like just so like, gorgeous. Like great eyes. Fantastic hair.

1446
01:51:05.160 --> 01:51:15.320
Yeah. But wait till you hear the ending. Okay. So like, great. Like just so we ended up meeting.

1447
01:51:15.320 --> 01:51:22.800
He drove over like an hour to see me. We met in the town that I'm in and he let me pick

1448
01:51:22.840 --> 01:51:28.120
the restaurant and we went to the back, which is more like a pub than the formal restaurant and

1449
01:51:28.120 --> 01:51:40.280
had an appetizer and a cocktail. So sat out, sat for an hour and a half. He asked tons of like

1450
01:51:40.280 --> 01:51:50.440
compatibility questions. My personality though, read it a bit like an interview. So, but I felt

1451
01:51:50.440 --> 01:51:56.440
like I enjoyed it. It was super fun to get, I put on a dress and like a summer linen dress and,

1452
01:51:56.440 --> 01:52:05.560
you know, honestly I do these things for myself. So it was just really fun to do it for myself and

1453
01:52:05.560 --> 01:52:15.720
for a man. And it was just really fun to, to, yeah, it was really fun to, yeah, be pretty for

1454
01:52:15.720 --> 01:52:22.040
myself and for somebody else. So, and yeah, like right when I got there, he was already waiting

1455
01:52:22.040 --> 01:52:29.400
there and he'd kind of organized things. So he was like, just very directive anyway. At one point,

1456
01:52:29.400 --> 01:52:37.520
I, I process, I think I'm an internal processor. And so like question after question, and it,

1457
01:52:37.520 --> 01:52:44.040
I said, I said, gosh, lots of questions. And I realized I'm not upset about questions,

1458
01:52:44.040 --> 01:52:52.400
but there were so many questions and what was, it wasn't turning into a conversation. And so there,

1459
01:52:52.400 --> 01:52:57.960
and I didn't have the chance to process it, to come to actually express how I actually felt.

1460
01:52:57.960 --> 01:53:06.480
And so anyway, he said, what do you want me to do a song and dance? And kind of got defensive on it.

1461
01:53:06.480 --> 01:53:13.000
But anyway I mean, he said it a little bit jokingly, but that was definitely like, but anyway,

1462
01:53:13.000 --> 01:53:21.880
we got over it and yeah, just talked. And then he's afterwards, he's like, would you like,

1463
01:53:21.880 --> 01:53:27.600
would you be okay if I walked you to your car? And I mean, I was just like, and he, you know,

1464
01:53:27.600 --> 01:53:34.280
he paid, there was not even, I didn't even notice that the bill had come. It was coming back paid

1465
01:53:34.440 --> 01:53:44.120
before I even was cognizant of a bill. And so the whole thing was to move. He did make a comment

1466
01:53:44.120 --> 01:53:52.760
about how he asked where I, you know, about like what area I lived in. And so then I did the same.

1467
01:53:52.760 --> 01:53:57.240
I said, what quadrant of Grand Rapids? Because Grand Rapids is kind of broken up into four

1468
01:53:57.240 --> 01:54:04.240
quadrants and just kind of getting areas or idea. And he said, well, he says, most women can relate

1469
01:54:04.240 --> 01:54:15.920
when I say I live near Lululemon. And my immediate response was, and this was really true,

1470
01:54:15.920 --> 01:54:25.480
because I said, oh, I don't really love Lulu. But, you know, I think he was maybe trying to

1471
01:54:25.480 --> 01:54:33.320
impress me, but that was just a weirdness to me that he was mentioning, you know, what he tells

1472
01:54:33.360 --> 01:54:40.080
other women on the date on date. So it suddenly went from feeling special to feeling like one of

1473
01:54:40.080 --> 01:54:47.160
many. And it could, honestly, he could have been feeling insecure, who knows, whatever. And then

1474
01:54:47.160 --> 01:54:54.600
there was one point where he said, you know, he's like, I'm in a unique position. I could retire at

1475
01:54:54.600 --> 01:54:57.840
any point, because he's my same age. He's 56. And

1476
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:09.280
It's a little, it's hard to tell if it was like aloof. I think I did get an aloof sort of feeling.

1477
01:55:10.400 --> 01:55:15.440
Anyway, I have had lots, he walked me to my car and then he said,

1478
01:55:19.520 --> 01:55:23.600
we talked for a minute and he's like, well, let me know if you'd like to do this again.

1479
01:55:23.600 --> 01:55:31.120
And, you know, I would like if he just came out and said, Hey, I really enjoyed this. I would

1480
01:55:31.120 --> 01:55:36.880
love to get together with you again. And like, he was confident in his own feelings and could like,

1481
01:55:37.920 --> 01:55:44.000
just go for it. But it was something. And so I said, I said, Oh, I really enjoyed it. I'd love

1482
01:55:44.000 --> 01:55:50.960
to do it again. And so I thought, you know, it's a yes until it's no, it's not like I had processed

1483
01:55:50.960 --> 01:55:57.440
anything. Anyway, got home. He, there were no, we didn't message at all. Then later that night,

1484
01:55:57.440 --> 01:56:02.240
I just said, Hey, thanks so much. Cause I think I forgot to say thanks for treating,

1485
01:56:03.600 --> 01:56:08.240
had a really great time. And we exchanged a few texts, nothing the whole next day.

1486
01:56:08.240 --> 01:56:12.960
So I had a major opportunity to lean into the Lord and actually had a really beautiful encounter

1487
01:56:13.760 --> 01:56:24.480
with anxious attachment and a place where my father, I felt abandoned and had a really beautiful

1488
01:56:24.480 --> 01:56:28.720
encounter. Like I put, you know, with these encounters, I couldn't even make up like

1489
01:56:29.760 --> 01:56:37.200
the way the father came in and just the details, just, I was just on the sofa soaking and just

1490
01:56:37.200 --> 01:56:44.640
wrecked me. So that was really beautiful because I was super anxious and my mind had a tendency to

1491
01:56:44.640 --> 01:56:54.400
be hypervigilant because I have been in abusive marriage. And while in the past I've defined it,

1492
01:56:54.400 --> 01:57:04.160
and he's actually been diagnosed with bipolar and narcissist. I have had enough mental experiences

1493
01:57:04.400 --> 01:57:09.360
and I can only speak for myself, but I really think that everything comes back to identity

1494
01:57:09.360 --> 01:57:17.520
in Christ. And we may have behaviors and I think triggers and things, but anyway, I just had a lot

1495
01:57:17.520 --> 01:57:25.200
of, a lot of triggering going on and just analyzing anyway. So, you know, he had asked,

1496
01:57:25.760 --> 01:57:34.800
he had texted me the next day and, you know, I'm like, Oh, he's still there. Wow. Like it was

1497
01:57:35.360 --> 01:57:41.840
that 36 hours of no texting felt like forever to me. So that encounter with the Lord is really good.

1498
01:57:42.720 --> 01:57:48.400
But when he asked me, you know, if I had anything, when we were actually after the date and he asked

1499
01:57:48.400 --> 01:57:52.160
me if I had anything going on over the weekend, cause it was a holiday weekend and he had

1500
01:57:52.720 --> 01:58:00.480
four days off. I didn't feel comfortable with like being available. And so I had

1501
01:58:01.040 --> 01:58:05.120
sabotaged myself and said, well, I'm kind of thinking about going up North, which I was,

1502
01:58:05.120 --> 01:58:15.200
and I'm up North now. And so I just kind of left it vague. So anyway, when he reached back out on

1503
01:58:15.200 --> 01:58:20.320
that Wednesday was a date Friday, he reached back out. I said, Hey, I've had a chance to,

1504
01:58:20.640 --> 01:58:29.280
you know, figure my schedule out. And I've, I've got a plan for, I've, I've got a Airbnb set and

1505
01:58:29.280 --> 01:58:36.480
planning to go up North on Tuesday. So I do have availability this weekend. And one thought would

1506
01:58:36.480 --> 01:58:46.560
be, are you available to meet for brunch on Sunday? And so I thought it was my way of taking

1507
01:58:47.440 --> 01:58:58.480
a risk of coming back and expressing, Hey, I would love to do something. Cause I think he

1508
01:58:58.480 --> 01:59:05.760
was hinting at it. And I put it out there and he says, Oh, I like that idea a lot. He says,

1509
01:59:05.760 --> 01:59:09.920
maybe question mark. And then he says, my daughter has, she's learning to be a pilot.

1510
01:59:10.480 --> 01:59:19.920
She's got a flight and, but this is a rescheduled flight, weather pending. And so

1511
01:59:22.320 --> 01:59:27.520
maybe help that for an answer. And I said, I messaged back and I said,

1512
01:59:29.520 --> 01:59:34.400
I can be flexible. I said, I can be flexible because my Sundays really are quite flexible.

1513
01:59:34.400 --> 01:59:38.560
I go to church and then I go into Grand Rapids and grocery shop and head home,

1514
01:59:39.280 --> 01:59:44.320
or I meet a friend for brunch. So that was not a big deal to me. I said, I can be flexible or

1515
01:59:44.320 --> 01:59:49.760
we can come up with a time that we know works. He didn't mention that at all. He says, thanks

1516
01:59:49.760 --> 01:59:58.640
for your flexibility. And I don't know if he said, I, you know, I don't, I don't remember

1517
01:59:58.640 --> 01:59:59.840
exactly what he said after that.

1518
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:03.680
But so at any rate, we exchanged a couple of texts.

1519
02:00:03.680 --> 02:00:06.600
But then it wasn't like a normal closure.

1520
02:00:06.600 --> 02:00:10.280
And he like, like, we just saved a few more texts.

1521
02:00:10.640 --> 02:00:13.160
He fell off. He never messaged me.

1522
02:00:14.680 --> 02:00:17.840
On Sunday. Sunday came and went.

1523
02:00:19.720 --> 02:00:23.880
And. I'm proud of myself

1524
02:00:23.880 --> 02:00:28.240
because I didn't reach out for clarity on Wednesday

1525
02:00:29.080 --> 02:00:32.480
on Tuesday night before we were supposed to meet the first time

1526
02:00:32.480 --> 02:00:36.480
he had his car in for repair and again asked for flexibility

1527
02:00:36.480 --> 02:00:37.920
because he was getting his car done.

1528
02:00:37.920 --> 02:00:40.000
I wasn't sure what time it was going to be done.

1529
02:00:40.000 --> 02:00:43.840
And it was the night before the date date night.

1530
02:00:43.840 --> 02:00:48.040
And he said he hadn't gotten back to me with a plan.

1531
02:00:48.040 --> 02:00:50.960
And so I reached out and said, hey, I'm looking forward to meeting.

1532
02:00:51.240 --> 02:00:52.760
What's the plan?

1533
02:00:52.760 --> 02:00:55.280
And he shot back out. Hey, I'm so glad you reached out.

1534
02:00:56.280 --> 02:01:00.200
This is the plan, and it seemed to come together really easily.

1535
02:01:00.640 --> 02:01:05.440
But then again, this was like I noticed a pattern of like a tentative thing.

1536
02:01:07.320 --> 02:01:09.320
So anyway.

1537
02:01:11.240 --> 02:01:14.480
So let me ask you this, and we got like we will.

1538
02:01:14.480 --> 02:01:15.560
Oh, it's nine o'clock.

1539
02:01:15.560 --> 02:01:19.040
But let me ask you this last thing, and then you can post the rest for me.

1540
02:01:19.040 --> 02:01:21.400
So did you go on the date or not?

1541
02:01:21.400 --> 02:01:23.720
No, not on the second one.

1542
02:01:23.760 --> 02:01:25.640
And you haven't heard from him since.

1543
02:01:25.640 --> 02:01:27.440
No. Yeah.

1544
02:01:27.760 --> 02:01:30.920
So sounds like I got it over.

1545
02:01:32.120 --> 02:01:34.240
Yeah, just kind of like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1546
02:01:34.240 --> 02:01:35.600
That's a little bit too much.

1547
02:01:35.600 --> 02:01:39.400
I think even if you did, if he call and say, let's go on a date,

1548
02:01:39.760 --> 02:01:41.360
I don't think you'll be pleased.

1549
02:01:41.360 --> 02:01:45.000
And I think that you would just, you know, find more error in him

1550
02:01:45.800 --> 02:01:48.920
because he's kind of giving you the run around, not being very clear.

1551
02:01:49.640 --> 02:01:52.840
Yeah, I'm glad that you had the experience in a sense

1552
02:01:52.840 --> 02:01:55.040
because it allows you to deal with your triggering

1553
02:01:55.640 --> 02:01:58.440
and allow you to make a different decision this time

1554
02:01:58.440 --> 02:02:00.800
to see that you can make different decisions.

1555
02:02:01.360 --> 02:02:04.960
You don't have to be the same where you same way you were in the past

1556
02:02:05.280 --> 02:02:09.120
and you fought through and you didn't operate on your anxiousness.

1557
02:02:09.120 --> 02:02:11.480
And that's the thing about whether we're anxious, avoiding

1558
02:02:11.480 --> 02:02:14.400
or somewhere in between or somewhere all disorganized.

1559
02:02:14.760 --> 02:02:19.280
We may be bent toward that, but we don't have to operate that way.

1560
02:02:19.520 --> 02:02:22.360
We can operate from our new understanding.

1561
02:02:22.720 --> 02:02:25.400
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1562
02:02:26.240 --> 02:02:30.480
Yeah. So I think, you know, I'm just struggling like is he who I,

1563
02:02:31.360 --> 02:02:35.040
you know, you get this idea and I get this idea in my mind and I'm like.

1564
02:02:37.080 --> 02:02:40.120
Yeah, I just I don't know, it just felt like he was putting out

1565
02:02:40.120 --> 02:02:42.920
I'm interested in getting together, but he never follows through with it.

1566
02:02:43.560 --> 02:02:45.560
And, you know, he'd be like, oh, what are you doing

1567
02:02:45.560 --> 02:02:47.640
or what do you have going on this weekend?

1568
02:02:47.640 --> 02:02:51.000
And like he put something out there, but he doesn't.

1569
02:02:51.480 --> 02:02:54.600
He's done that like for probably four different times.

1570
02:02:55.200 --> 02:03:01.440
And it feels. Yeah.

1571
02:03:02.240 --> 02:03:05.000
Well, let me say this, and I'm going to say this.

1572
02:03:05.360 --> 02:03:07.160
You don't know him.

1573
02:03:07.160 --> 02:03:09.680
But what you do know is he's the type of person

1574
02:03:09.680 --> 02:03:11.720
that puts something out, but doesn't follow through.

1575
02:03:12.120 --> 02:03:14.440
You don't have to try to figure out.

1576
02:03:14.440 --> 02:03:17.720
He's shown you who he is and what he does.

1577
02:03:18.120 --> 02:03:21.040
So you don't have to like wreck your brains like, well, he's doing this

1578
02:03:21.040 --> 02:03:22.120
and he's doing this.

1579
02:03:22.120 --> 02:03:23.800
That's not nothing to figure out.

1580
02:03:23.800 --> 02:03:25.240
That's who he is.

1581
02:03:25.240 --> 02:03:27.640
He put something out and he doesn't follow through.

1582
02:03:27.880 --> 02:03:30.800
He says he's going to do one like he's showing you who he is.

1583
02:03:30.800 --> 02:03:34.400
And if you can say this, oh, that's who you are.

1584
02:03:34.880 --> 02:03:37.080
I don't really like to spend time with people like that.

1585
02:03:37.440 --> 02:03:39.160
Yeah, it's nothing. It's nothing.

1586
02:03:39.160 --> 02:03:42.400
It's not. It's like, oh, well, is he trying?

1587
02:03:42.400 --> 02:03:45.120
I'm confused. This is not a confused.

1588
02:03:45.160 --> 02:03:47.200
It's been a lot of confusion.

1589
02:03:47.840 --> 02:03:52.120
But you don't have to be confused if you say, oh, I see.

1590
02:03:52.680 --> 02:03:54.680
This is who he is. OK.

1591
02:03:54.680 --> 02:03:57.160
You know what? No, I don't do dates with people like this.

1592
02:03:57.160 --> 02:03:59.840
And it's OK. You can be who you are.

1593
02:04:00.600 --> 02:04:02.000
You've shown me that.

1594
02:04:02.000 --> 02:04:04.600
And so that's what happens in the beginning stages.

1595
02:04:04.800 --> 02:04:08.800
We can just see people for who they are and say, oh.

1596
02:04:10.120 --> 02:04:12.040
You're a hot and cold type person.

1597
02:04:12.040 --> 02:04:14.560
You know, I don't mesh well with hot and cold type people.

1598
02:04:15.280 --> 02:04:17.560
Now that I feel that it feels avoidant.

1599
02:04:18.720 --> 02:04:21.480
Yeah. And so you don't even have to figure them out.

1600
02:04:21.480 --> 02:04:22.800
Like you don't have to waste your time.

1601
02:04:22.800 --> 02:04:26.240
Yeah. When you when you get into it's like, oh, I'm confused.

1602
02:04:26.240 --> 02:04:29.040
Instead of when you get confused, like, oh,

1603
02:04:29.040 --> 02:04:32.040
they're the type of person that could bring confusion if I allowed it.

1604
02:04:32.400 --> 02:04:34.040
Oh, I see who they are.

1605
02:04:34.040 --> 02:04:36.280
And that's OK. Yeah.

1606
02:04:36.280 --> 02:04:39.760
But Lori, I'm going to wrap us up here because I got to because it's 9.05.

1607
02:04:40.000 --> 02:04:42.160
And I will post whatever you want.

1608
02:04:42.160 --> 02:04:44.160
I would love to chat with you more about it.

1609
02:04:44.160 --> 02:04:45.600
I know you waited a long time.

1610
02:04:45.600 --> 02:04:47.720
And so that's why. Oh, no, that's OK.

1611
02:04:47.720 --> 02:04:50.160
Yeah. Yeah.

1612
02:04:50.160 --> 02:04:51.840
So long, Mr. Lumberjack.

1613
02:04:51.840 --> 02:04:54.800
I live vicariously through you with that lumberjack man.

1614
02:04:54.800 --> 02:04:56.280
Oh, my God.

1615
02:04:56.280 --> 02:04:59.960
Well, I want to look at him for longer, but I can tell you that is.

1616
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:08.640
not that is not fun you know it's like we honestly we didn't have fun it was

1617
02:05:09.520 --> 02:05:16.400
yeah well there was some of it was nice you did like some of it i did like some of it yeah he

1618
02:05:16.400 --> 02:05:21.040
gave you a really great experience because you got an opportunity to go to the lord when you

1619
02:05:21.040 --> 02:05:26.240
start feeling anxious yeah and so i think lumberjack gave you good good eye candy i

1620
02:05:26.240 --> 02:05:31.680
wondered if that's what it was for it could have been like he gave you really good eye candy

1621
02:05:31.680 --> 02:05:38.640
he paid for your date and he so he did treat you like a lady in that sense and he gave you an

1622
02:05:38.640 --> 02:05:43.760
opportunity to grow closer to the father and it was very low stakes you weren't heavily involved

1623
02:05:43.760 --> 02:05:50.160
it didn't cost you anything you actually came out a winner yeah treat treat you know treats

1624
02:05:50.160 --> 02:05:55.280
with uh so much honor in person but then goes like what a gentleman

1625
02:05:57.520 --> 02:06:05.760
oh my gosh can we do that again right yeah good thank you for sharing and ladies you rest well

1626
02:06:05.760 --> 02:06:10.240
and we will be seeing you soon post post post so i can know what's going on

1627
02:06:11.200 --> 02:06:16.080
hmm thank you all right okay you're welcome good night ladies good night

1628
02:06:20.800 --> 02:06:22.400
good night