WEBVTT

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I can't believe like, we're

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already halfway through July.

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Like, what happened?

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My kids will be going to school

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soon.

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That's good to know.

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Less than a month.

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I get to send them back off to

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school.

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So there's a little more peace

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and quiet that way.

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But anyway, it is July 15th.

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This is your 1 o'clock Eastern

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time.

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Heart check-in.

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It's 12 o'clock here, Central,

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here in the DFW area in Texas

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where I'm located.

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It's so good to be here.

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It's so good to be with you

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ladies.

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We've got some new faces.

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I have a feeling we might have

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seen some more people even

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today.

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I don't know.

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I don't know.

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We might have seen some more

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people even joining here shortly.

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Typically it takes a few minutes

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for people to jump on.

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But yes, we're welcome.

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We're happy to be here.

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We welcome you here.

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So for those of you that are

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brand new to Phase 2 or this is

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your first heart check-in call,

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please go ahead and raise your

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hand and let us know that you're

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here.

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Emily, so good to see you.

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I noticed a lot of women posting

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in the app that are brand new.

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They just left HeartWork and

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they're here with us.

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And I just want to say, ladies,

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you're doing great already.

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I have seen so many of you just

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posting, interacting, sharing,

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and that's half the battle,

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honestly.

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So I thank you for coming out of

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hiding and letting us know that

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you're here.

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We see you.

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We care about you.

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So with that being said, I'm

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going to kind of jump into some

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housekeeping things.

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And it's going to be a little bit

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more geared to some of the newer

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ladies that are on because I'm

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seeing an influx of more women

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coming from the HeartWork.

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And so I want to put your minds

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at ease.

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I want to calm your spirit about

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what this next phase is all

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about.

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So I want to reassure you, first

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and foremost, if you've watched

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the Love Story kickoff, there's

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the seven-day challenge.

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And I know this can get super

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scary for a lot of you,

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especially if you haven't dated

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in a while.

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That was me when I was in the

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program.

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So again, let me introduce

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myself because I haven't done

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that.

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I'm Carla Johnson.

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I'm one of your coaches here at

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Last Year Single.

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I was actually a member.

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That's how I joined this

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community back in 2020 when

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Jackie did a big launch of her

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community.

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I got filtered in through the

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Facebook app and joined her

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community.

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And I've been part of it ever

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since.

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I was a single.

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It took me a little while to

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meet my husband, but I did get

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married about two years,

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celebrating two years on

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September 3rd this year.

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And then I got the honor and

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privilege to be able to coach in

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this community as well and walk

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alongside of so many of you and

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be part of the love stories that

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God has written for so many

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people.

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And it's been such an honor and

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a blessing to pour in the same

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wisdom that I received.

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I was pretty stubborn, believe

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it or not, and so I get it.

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I get the pushback.

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I get the, you know, I get the

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fear.

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I get all of that.

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So again, that seven-date

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challenge is not meant to scare

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you.

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That was actually something

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introduced when I had joined the

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community, and I didn't jump at

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the bit right away, and so I want

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that to kind of give you ladies

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some reassurance for those of you

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that are fearful of seven dates.

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It sounds like a lot.

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It's meant to be a lot, but it's

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also meant to not be so much at

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the same time.

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So I can't tell you what was

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going on in Jackie's head, why

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she picked seven, but she did,

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and it's been a thing for many

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years now.

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So but with that being said, I

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want to let you know that you do

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not have to complete the seven

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dates in this phase, okay?

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So if you get through the

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content, if you've been here for

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at least four to five weeks, now

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ladies will choose to stay here

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longer, and that is okay, and we

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encourage that.

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If you believe that you need just

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a little more healing and

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guidance in the dating, then

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feel or just, again, just some

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more heart work.

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This phase doesn't mean that

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you're not going to do heart work.

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Heart work is continual.

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You will continue to do heart

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work, believe it or not.

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Heart work will even take place

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in your marriages, too.

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I'm learning that now that

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there's some more heart work.

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things that are coming up to the surface for me that I still can do hard work on

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I'm learning that now that

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there's some more heart work.

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And I'm learning that now that

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there's some more heart work.

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to build my relationship and my blended family because that is what I'm doing.

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We have a blended family and you'll hear Jackie say so for some of you that have kids or are

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going to get in relationships with men that have children, blending is a whole nother level of

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hard work. But like Jackie says, it doesn't have to be easy. It just has to be worth it and it

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really is. So hard work will still continue. Dating does not have to look the same for everybody.

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Okay. You're going to complete the course. You're going to do the five videos. You're going to come

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to the live calls. You're going to engage with the community. You're going to let us coaches know who

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you are. All right. And after four or five weeks, if you feel like, you know what, I'm okay.

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I can move on to the next phase. Then you're allowed to do that. You just email admin at

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jackiedorman.com and they will put you in to that. We call it now it's all community VIP or

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last year's single VIP. It's the all community. And then there's more things that happen over

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there as well. I do have a lot of ladies that stick around for more than five weeks, more than

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six weeks. Some ladies stay here two or three months and that's truly fine. Some ladies need

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a little more time before they jump into the dating pool because some fears are starting to

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surface. Okay. You dealt with some hard work stuff without dating in phase one. And now you're moving

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on to phase two. And then there's this other layer where we now give you the green light to date.

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And for some of you, that's going to bring up some fears. And so all that is, is just a little

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more heartwork. We're going to help you process through that. What fear or lie are you believing

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about dating? And what does God want to do to heal your heart so he can prepare you for dating,

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which will prepare you for relationship, which will prepare you for marriage.

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And then when you do decide to date, we're here to coach you through that process. So that's why

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we have this level two, this phase two, if you will, I shouldn't say level, because we talk about

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the levels of relationship and I don't want to confuse anybody. But in this phase, we allow these

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one o'clock Eastern and eight o'clock Eastern Tuesday calls to give you ladies a platform to

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be able to get live group coaching with myself or Ebony, which will be very similar to what you'll

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get to experience when you move to the VIP phase three, where it is, you'll get some one on one

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group coaching with Jackie, but it is in a much bigger forum. So there's a lot more people. And so

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that doesn't happen as freely as it does in this phase. Now, we understand it can get super

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comfortable. And so there's times that we do have to encourage some ladies, okay, you're ready for

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the next step, like you participated, you've engaged, you've gotten growth, we've seen healing,

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you're ready to move on. So I've had to do that sometimes to people to where they just got super

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cozy with myself and Ebony. And, you know, it took a little nudging to get them over there.

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But they're doing great now. So keep that in mind. I do also want to encourage you ladies.

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I always feel like I do need to preface this. Some women come in here and they're just ready

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where the men, how do I get to the men? I want to get through this phase because in the next phase,

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then it's men and women. So how do I get there? How do I get Jackie to set me up in the spirit mate

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match? Ladies, I want you to rest in God's time and sit and embrace what we have to offer here

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in this space. Okay. We don't want you rushing over there because guess what?

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Having been in this program myself, I have seen this happen. So many women and listen,

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I was guilty of this too. So there is no shame and judgment whatsoever here.

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We think that if we could just get in front of good godly men and one will like us,

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then we're going to be fixed and healed. And that's just simply not true.

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Okay. And so it's the women that actually trust in the process that we've built here

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and allow yourself to be vulnerable in this community and get the deeper healing and get

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that connection with holy spirit. That's where the acceleration.

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happens. Okay, so I hope this gives you at least a little bit of an overview. I'm

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gonna make sure that I didn't miss anything. Again, just everyone's story and

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love story and pacing in this community will look different. And you know, some

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ladies decide to take the plunge and go deep dive quickly into the dates where

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others are like, okay I want to ease into the pool. I want to put a toe and then a

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foot and then a leg before before we fully get into dating. And it can, will

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help you with that pacing. Okay, I encourage a lot of ladies that are

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fearful of going out and dating, especially those that are fearful of

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online dating. I'm like, well then don't start there. Start with just letting

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trusted people in your community know you're open to dating and you're open to

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meeting people. That if they have anybody that they can think of that they

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would think would be a good match and loves Jesus and is in line with some of

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the things that you're aligned with to introduce you to them. You know, spend

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time getting to know more people. Build your friend groups a little more.

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Sometimes it's through friendships that we meet our spirit mates. Okay, and it

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actually then allows us to build on how to build friendships. Some of us

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have been hurt in friendships and relationships. I know that was me. I

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struggled, especially in high school, with my relationships with girls and it made

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it really hard for me to trust. So let alone, I didn't feel like I could trust

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a lot of women, let alone men, right? And so we just encourage you like build on

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those relationships. It is a preparation period. God has got you here for a reason

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and he's going to work all that stuff out for your good if you trust in the

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process and you surrender that pen. Okay, and so again I want to just emphasize

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when we coach here in phase two, Jackie, not Jackie, well Jackie is you know

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obviously doing the videos and stuff, but myself and Ebony when we're on these

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calls with you, we will give you guardrails. They're not hard rules. Okay,

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and that's what you'll hear those things in Jackie's teachings as well. A lot of

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those are guardrails. Okay, many of you are not going to always listen to those.

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I know I didn't. Okay, for example, you'll hear us coach that you before meeting

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someone, you need to make sure you have a couple exchanges that you maybe get on

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a video especially if they're long-distance and I didn't do that. We

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always tell you within a week, get on a live date or a video call within a week.

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Y'all, I met my husband and we only talked through messaging and texting for

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three weeks and then he flew to Florida to meet me. Now luckily he had a job that

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he worked from an office that was in Florida, but he worked remotely in Texas and I never

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actually saw the real person. I saw pictures of him. I honestly didn't think

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he was super attractive. Was he a decent looking guy? Yeah, but did my heart like

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skip a beat when I saw photos of him? No, that has changed I assure you ladies, but

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it took me three weeks and like he was coming to meet me and I was like, oh, I guess I'll give

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him a phone call. Ladies, I just did a voice phone call. Okay, now we don't tell you to do

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that. So again, like there's no hard rules. Now would it have eased my mind? Probably,

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like I probably wouldn't have been so nervous about it. I mean, I was ready to cancel the

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date even after even being on the phone with him. Like I was like, no, I don't, I don't know.

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Like I was ready to cut and run. And Jackie assured me like, get off the ledge, Carla,

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go have fun. You don't have to decide if this man is your husband right away. Like just go

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out on the date. And so again, we will give you guardrails. It's not hard, hard rules. Now,

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if you're breaking, breaking those guardrails and you're plowing through them, we're going to

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bring you back. We're going to pull you back on the road and say, okay, this is why we coach this.

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This is why this is a guardrail because you put yourself maybe in a not so fun situation. So it's

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not a mistake. It's a lesson learned. We don't have to beat ourselves up for it. We're just

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going to pull you back. We're going to guide you back in the process. Okay. And.

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Just know that we're your biggest cheerleaders here,

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but we're also gonna tell you things

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that you might not wanna hear, but you need to hear them.

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That's what we're here for.

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And we say it and we do it all in love

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and care and consideration for you.

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And a lot of times, what we might be sharing with you

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and the hard things that you don't wanna hear

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are actually coming from a place of wisdom

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because myself or Ebony probably done it ourselves.

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And so I just wanna encourage you with that.

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I wanna encourage you to step into your voice

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and trust in yourself, okay?

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Some of you might be on this,

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I just don't know how to pick them and I need help

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and I don't know how to date and all this.

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And you're gonna want us to give you all the answers.

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Ladies, we're not gonna be able

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to give you all the answers, okay?

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We're here to give you guidance,

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but I wanna encourage for some of you,

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you're gonna need to start practicing trusting yourself

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and you're not gonna always need our permission.

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We're just here to help with those blind spots, okay?

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I hope that clears up any fear

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that's coming to the surface.

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But anyway, now that I've just blahed it all out,

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I do wanna see a few more of you.

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If you can jump on live on your videos,

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I wanna see your beautiful faces if you can.

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How many people do I have here with me today?

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15 of you, okay, good.

294
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All right, so yeah, I wanna see some more pretty faces.

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I've got one, two, I see Vern, I see Sandy, I see Elaine.

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It's so good to see Mary and Kim, Bridget.

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Thank you, ladies.

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Good, good, good, all right.

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I'm seeing more people jump on, fantastic.

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Okay, so I'm gonna dive in.

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I'm just gonna briefly touch on our activations.

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This week, I really do want you ladies

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focusing on Supernatural Saturday.

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You'll hear me share it time, time, and time again,

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how important it is to get to Supernatural Saturday.

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That is Jackie's like special time each week.

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It's one of her favorite things to do with this program.

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And y'all, if you've ever listened to it or been on it,

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like it's just Holy Spirit anointed.

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I mean, y'all, I'm not single anymore,

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but I will tell you the words that she pours in

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are exactly what I need to hear.

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And she'll tell you too,

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obviously her and David have been married,

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I think now almost going on 15 years.

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And a lot of the things that Holy Spirit is speaking to her

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00:17:57.760 --> 00:18:00.760
for this community and in our spiritual,

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00:18:00.760 --> 00:18:04.760
in that spiritual realm is for her too.

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It's not just if you're only single,

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there's other things that God wants to do.

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God brought you here because you had a desire for marriage,

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but there's so much more he's gonna do for you.

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You know, one of my biggest testimonies about this program,

324
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and what I learned that I really gained

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is that the husband was just the bonus.

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I gained so much more fruit.

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My relationship with the Lord exploded.

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I had no idea that there was even a deeper intimacy

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that I could actually experience with the Lord.

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And it was this program that got me there.

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And so God wants to do like so much more in your life

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besides bring the husband.

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I promise you that.

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Okay, he's got big assignments for you.

335
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He's got assignments for your marriages,

336
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but he's got assignments in other areas for you too.

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So I want you to get ahold of that.

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I want you to think about that.

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So I really want you ladies focusing

340
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on Supernatural Saturday this week.

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Last week, and for those ladies

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that were not here last week, don't worry.

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I prompted you ladies to start looking

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at that Jesus Cares board

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that y'all would have been introduced to in HeartWork.

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And so I'm curious if anybody,

347
00:19:11.800 --> 00:19:13.760
did anybody kind of take a look at that?

348
00:19:13.760 --> 00:19:15.180
I didn't see any posts about it.

349
00:19:15.180 --> 00:19:17.480
I know sometimes that falls off a little bit,

350
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which is totally fine.

351
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All right, I'm just gonna call y'all out about it.

352
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Just kidding.

353
00:19:24.080 --> 00:19:25.760
But did anybody get a chance?

354
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You can just throw it in the chat,

355
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you know, that you looked at your Jesus Cares board,

356
00:19:29.240 --> 00:19:31.160
you noticed some prayers got answered

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on the Jesus Care board.

358
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Maybe you decided that there were some other things

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that you needed to add, you know.

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And I also prompted you ladies

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that if there was something on your Jesus Cares board

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that hadn't got answered yet,

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to be speaking to the Holy Spirit

364
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and asking what is some steps of action

365
00:19:48.460 --> 00:19:50.880
to partner with God in those plans

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for him to come and move, okay?

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And so remember, faith requires action, okay?

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We wanna put feet on our prayers.

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There's, cool, cool, cool.

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Okay, someone's asking about where is the Jesus Cares Board?

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So your Jesus Cares Board would have been introduced

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in phase one in the heart work.

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And usually I believe I'm starting to go

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through the heart work material myself again.

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I believe it's within the second week,

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first or second week.

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So Janine, if that, you may need to go back

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into the heart work stuff and go through those weeks

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and see if there's anything that says Jesus Cares.

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And so that is what the Jesus Cares Board is.

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And so you'll often hear Jackie talk

382
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about Jesus Cares Boards, okay?

383
00:20:44.680 --> 00:20:49.280
It's something that you will always want to continue using.

384
00:20:49.280 --> 00:20:52.960
You know, I recently just pulled mine out

385
00:20:52.960 --> 00:20:54.800
from the back part of my closet.

386
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I had it up and hanging when I was living in Florida

387
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and then I got married and moved

388
00:21:00.680 --> 00:21:04.440
and it never got really unpacked from my closet.

389
00:21:04.440 --> 00:21:06.080
So I pulled it out.

390
00:21:06.080 --> 00:21:08.040
I was like, okay, I'm gonna start this fresh.

391
00:21:08.040 --> 00:21:12.040
So now it's sitting in my bedroom up against the wall.

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And my goal is for myself and my husband

393
00:21:14.360 --> 00:21:19.040
to kind of personally, both of us do our own things,

394
00:21:19.040 --> 00:21:22.600
but then also as a husband and a wife

395
00:21:22.600 --> 00:21:24.280
and a family to be able to do it.

396
00:21:24.760 --> 00:21:27.240
We kind of did something similar with my kids

397
00:21:27.240 --> 00:21:30.120
in regards to our trusting the Lord

398
00:21:30.120 --> 00:21:32.960
to help us out financially with some of the debt

399
00:21:32.960 --> 00:21:37.960
that kind of just came with some spiritual warfare

400
00:21:38.160 --> 00:21:39.600
at the beginning of our marriage.

401
00:21:39.600 --> 00:21:41.040
It's the only way that I can explain it

402
00:21:41.040 --> 00:21:44.200
because neither my husband or myself had any debt

403
00:21:44.200 --> 00:21:45.360
going into the marriage.

404
00:21:45.360 --> 00:21:49.080
And then just the enemy was coming

405
00:21:49.080 --> 00:21:51.280
and just lighting bombs up.

406
00:21:51.280 --> 00:21:53.200
And we got some lessons learned out of it.

407
00:21:53.200 --> 00:21:56.200
It grew us as a family and as a couple.

408
00:21:56.200 --> 00:21:59.520
But so that's what that Jesus Cares Board is about.

409
00:21:59.520 --> 00:22:02.120
So I prompted ladies to look at that next week.

410
00:22:02.120 --> 00:22:03.440
And so for this week,

411
00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:06.640
I really want you focusing on Supernatural Saturday.

412
00:22:06.640 --> 00:22:08.760
I really want you coming and sharing

413
00:22:08.760 --> 00:22:11.720
and make a post about what spoke to you.

414
00:22:11.720 --> 00:22:13.240
Okay, I'll be honest.

415
00:22:16.480 --> 00:22:19.040
It's a tough one, but it's a good tough.

416
00:22:19.040 --> 00:22:20.320
It's like tough love.

417
00:22:21.280 --> 00:22:24.600
All right, Jackie gets really real, okay?

418
00:22:24.600 --> 00:22:25.840
And I'll be honest.

419
00:22:25.840 --> 00:22:26.960
There were things that she said

420
00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:30.680
that I got a little triggered by,

421
00:22:30.680 --> 00:22:33.840
like a little angry, got a little offended.

422
00:22:33.840 --> 00:22:35.800
But again, I know Jackie well enough

423
00:22:35.800 --> 00:22:40.800
that I'm like, this is, again, offense is a heart thing.

424
00:22:41.280 --> 00:22:43.920
And I'm like, oh, I need to go to the Lord with that.

425
00:22:43.920 --> 00:22:47.120
Why am I feeling a little uneasy about this?

426
00:22:47.120 --> 00:22:48.360
Why I'm a little on edge about it?

427
00:22:48.360 --> 00:22:50.880
Why does this irritate me a little bit?

428
00:22:51.840 --> 00:22:55.760
So just know that can happen and it's totally normal.

429
00:22:57.200 --> 00:22:58.360
But it's really good.

430
00:22:58.360 --> 00:23:01.920
I'm gonna go back and listen and really sit

431
00:23:01.920 --> 00:23:04.080
and take some notes and see what Holy Spirit

432
00:23:04.080 --> 00:23:05.480
is speaking to me.

433
00:23:05.480 --> 00:23:08.400
And so I'm gonna encourage you ladies to do the same.

434
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:12.280
A lot of times I'll listen to it and just process it.

435
00:23:12.280 --> 00:23:14.000
And then I'll go back and watch a second time

436
00:23:14.000 --> 00:23:16.200
and then process and write things out.

437
00:23:16.200 --> 00:23:19.200
So that might be something that some of you ladies

438
00:23:19.200 --> 00:23:21.360
might want to adopt and try out.

439
00:23:21.360 --> 00:23:22.680
It's helpful for me.

440
00:23:23.960 --> 00:23:25.880
So just think about doing that.

441
00:23:25.880 --> 00:23:29.320
And then I also want you ladies to be taking this time

442
00:23:29.320 --> 00:23:33.120
in this phase to go do something fun in your life

443
00:23:33.120 --> 00:23:34.440
and let us know about it.

444
00:23:36.440 --> 00:23:38.640
You know, this phase isn't just about dating.

445
00:23:38.640 --> 00:23:40.080
I know we talk a lot about dating

446
00:23:40.080 --> 00:23:42.600
and we give you some guardrails for dating

447
00:23:42.600 --> 00:23:43.800
and what that can look like now

448
00:23:43.800 --> 00:23:47.320
with a healthier healed heart.

449
00:23:47.320 --> 00:23:52.320
But a lot of what this phase is about is about discovery.

450
00:23:52.440 --> 00:23:55.520
And it's about discovering more about yourself.

451
00:23:55.520 --> 00:23:58.120
Okay, you're gonna discover more about guys

452
00:23:58.120 --> 00:23:59.600
and learn a little bit more about what you like

453
00:23:59.600 --> 00:24:01.320
and what you don't like and learn a little bit more

454
00:24:01.320 --> 00:24:03.800
and see them more as human beings

455
00:24:03.800 --> 00:24:06.920
and not just can they fit a role of being,

456
00:24:06.920 --> 00:24:09.640
you know, can they check the box of husband or not?

457
00:24:09.640 --> 00:24:11.480
Okay, you're gonna discover more about them

458
00:24:11.480 --> 00:24:14.440
and about God's creation, you know,

459
00:24:14.440 --> 00:24:19.440
that men actually are a gift, but so are us women.

460
00:24:19.960 --> 00:24:23.160
So you're gonna learn a lot more about yourself too.

461
00:24:23.160 --> 00:24:25.360
And so I really wanna encourage you ladies

462
00:24:25.360 --> 00:24:27.040
to get out and go do something fun.

463
00:24:27.040 --> 00:24:32.040
Like what sparks joy in you?

464
00:24:33.960 --> 00:24:37.040
What brings that fruit of the spirit out in you?

465
00:24:38.040 --> 00:24:41.920
What things do you do that exude kindness

466
00:24:41.920 --> 00:24:44.920
and peacefulness and gentleness and, you know,

467
00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:49.920
self-control and, you know, what makes you you?

468
00:24:50.800 --> 00:24:52.200
Because believe it or not,

469
00:24:53.280 --> 00:24:55.960
each one of you ladies have the fruits of the spirit.

470
00:24:58.040 --> 00:25:00.200
And so let's tap into that more.

471
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.280
let's really get out and enjoy yourself. I know I love seeing this week Elaine posted,

472
00:25:06.800 --> 00:25:10.960
you know, just so much. She had beautiful pictures, made me miss Florida.

473
00:25:12.800 --> 00:25:17.600
She's got to spend time with her daughter and her granddaughter. And, you know, she got stood

474
00:25:17.600 --> 00:25:23.440
up on a date, but she took this beautiful photo of the sunset and she enjoyed herself.

475
00:25:24.400 --> 00:25:31.040
You know, it's sucky when we get stood up, but if we change our perspective and say,

476
00:25:31.040 --> 00:25:35.920
okay, well maybe that's just me being God defended and God wants to do something else

477
00:25:35.920 --> 00:25:40.000
and he still wants me to enjoy life and he teaches us something through that.

478
00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:46.720
She had a really great experience with that. She focused more on what opportunity and growth was

479
00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:54.800
there than the icky negative feelings. And that's huge growth. All right. I don't know about you,

480
00:25:54.800 --> 00:26:00.240
but you know, sometimes it's, I need to check in myself. I can look at a situation. I can think

481
00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:06.800
about all the negativity, but sometimes I just need to be reminded, like really how important

482
00:26:06.800 --> 00:26:12.960
was that? What is God actually doing in this situation right now? How can he upgrade me?

483
00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:16.480
Y'all are here for an upgrade. Y'all are in this program for an upgrade.

484
00:26:17.440 --> 00:26:25.920
Okay. So things to be thinking about this week. I got some messages in the chat.

485
00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:33.120
Ladies, I'm going to open the floor for questions before I do that. I'm looking at the chat, but I'm

486
00:26:33.120 --> 00:26:40.000
also going to give you ladies the gentle reminder to keep things short, brief and powerful. I know

487
00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:48.160
last week we kind of got out of hand a little bit. I'm just as guilty of it. But if you could

488
00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:56.400
come with your question at the beginning and then maybe give me no more than one to two minutes of

489
00:26:56.400 --> 00:27:05.280
your backstory, we can get, because then I can ask you questions involving your question and get more

490
00:27:05.280 --> 00:27:12.400
information if I need it. But I really want to make sure that we allow the time for everyone to

491
00:27:12.400 --> 00:27:19.520
get their questions answered. Okay. I always try to do my best. We typically try to end the call

492
00:27:20.240 --> 00:27:26.800
at, let's see, it's one o'clock Eastern for most of you. So we typically try to end it by 2.15. It

493
00:27:26.800 --> 00:27:34.240
would be 1.15 my time here in Central. Occasionally I do allow us to go a little 10, 15 minutes over,

494
00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:40.320
but I really like to be respectful of everybody's time. So I'm just asking you ladies to partner

495
00:27:40.320 --> 00:27:47.840
with me on that and keeping things short, brief and powerful. Okay. So yeah, some people

496
00:27:47.840 --> 00:27:56.240
were looking at their Jesus Cares board. That's awesome. Oh, so that's good, Mary. You filled it

497
00:27:56.240 --> 00:28:02.400
up with all the things I'm pretending to be in my life. And so I'm guessing you're referencing

498
00:28:03.040 --> 00:28:10.000
Supernatural Saturday and Jackie talks about, you know, what are we pretending that we don't know

499
00:28:11.360 --> 00:28:15.280
or pretending that we want, but we're not acting on it.

500
00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:21.840
You know, and so that really spoke to me as well. So I'm glad that helped you.

501
00:28:24.160 --> 00:28:31.360
Thank you, Mary. Yes. Jesus Cares board is in week one. Okay. Perfect. Perfect. Emily,

502
00:28:31.360 --> 00:28:37.200
I love that you had a pedicure. That is a good, good thing. And yes, Mary, you booked a spa day

503
00:28:37.200 --> 00:28:42.080
for yourself. Ladies, it's just go out and have fun, pamper yourself, enjoy yourself.

504
00:28:43.280 --> 00:28:52.000
It is good for you. And who doesn't want some cute toes for the summer? Like go get yourself

505
00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:59.360
a pedicure. That's one thing I've had to learn to embrace. I'm like, I can just do it myself.

506
00:28:59.360 --> 00:29:04.560
I don't need to go spend money on a pedicure. My husband's like, go get a pedicure. Like that's

507
00:29:04.560 --> 00:29:09.920
something that he likes to make sure that I do for myself. It's what something he's like, no,

508
00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:15.920
I want you to go do this for yourself. Um, you know, he's, he's the breadwinner of the family.

509
00:29:17.120 --> 00:29:21.040
So I'm always like, I don't want to spend a bunch of money, especially if, you know,

510
00:29:21.040 --> 00:29:27.120
we're trying to get some things that paid off, but you know, he, he's my balance. He's my

511
00:29:27.120 --> 00:29:34.800
counterbalance. He's my complimentary opposite. I'm the saver. He's the spender. So we both need

512
00:29:34.800 --> 00:29:42.320
each other in our lives. So just know ladies, as you get out dating, you're not going to probably

513
00:29:42.320 --> 00:29:48.400
marry someone that genetically like you, there's going to be some opposite, some things that they

514
00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:54.800
do that. You're like, why do they even do that? But I assure you there, there is things there's

515
00:29:54.800 --> 00:29:58.160
polar opposites and you don't really want to get involved in polar opposites,

516
00:29:58.160 --> 00:29:59.920
but there is something called complimentary.

517
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.820
opposites where areas that you're weak in,

518
00:30:02.820 --> 00:30:03.660
they're strong in.

519
00:30:03.660 --> 00:30:06.760
Areas that you're strong in, they're weak in.

520
00:30:06.760 --> 00:30:09.780
And so that just helps everything, okay?

521
00:30:09.780 --> 00:30:12.500
Awesome, continuing to see more of you on camera.

522
00:30:12.500 --> 00:30:13.340
That's awesome.

523
00:30:13.340 --> 00:30:14.280
I got two hands raised.

524
00:30:14.280 --> 00:30:17.720
I know there's more, so go ahead and get your hands raised.

525
00:30:17.720 --> 00:30:19.060
Elaine, I'm gonna take Sandy

526
00:30:19.060 --> 00:30:22.540
because Sandy, I didn't get to touch with her last week.

527
00:30:22.540 --> 00:30:24.920
She was one of the girls that didn't get to go.

528
00:30:24.920 --> 00:30:27.580
And so I'm gonna go Sandy, Elaine, and Mary,

529
00:30:27.620 --> 00:30:30.820
and then anybody else, throw your hands up, okay?

530
00:30:30.820 --> 00:30:32.780
Any of your questions, any question, okay?

531
00:30:32.780 --> 00:30:33.900
It doesn't have to be about dating.

532
00:30:33.900 --> 00:30:34.980
It can be about the program.

533
00:30:34.980 --> 00:30:37.240
It can be about, you know, heartwork stuff.

534
00:30:37.240 --> 00:30:41.340
It can be about whatever you want it to be, okay?

535
00:30:41.340 --> 00:30:43.540
Share, be vulnerable.

536
00:30:43.540 --> 00:30:46.780
Let us know who you are, what's going on, okay?

537
00:30:46.780 --> 00:30:48.120
Sandy, how are you?

538
00:30:49.420 --> 00:30:52.380
I had a rough week last week.

539
00:30:52.380 --> 00:30:54.340
I feel like it was a lot of like,

540
00:30:54.340 --> 00:30:55.900
do you know when growth happens,

541
00:30:55.900 --> 00:30:59.140
it like is stretching and it sucks.

542
00:30:59.140 --> 00:31:02.260
So I had such a hard week that even come Sunday,

543
00:31:02.260 --> 00:31:04.220
I like walked into church and just started crying,

544
00:31:04.220 --> 00:31:05.300
which is so crazy.

545
00:31:05.300 --> 00:31:07.480
Like I, that happens sometimes.

546
00:31:07.480 --> 00:31:09.220
But what basically, you know,

547
00:31:09.220 --> 00:31:10.820
that guy I was talking to you about

548
00:31:10.820 --> 00:31:11.780
that I went on a date with,

549
00:31:11.780 --> 00:31:13.500
I wasn't immediately interested.

550
00:31:13.500 --> 00:31:15.860
And I did the, it's not, I did the whole,

551
00:31:15.860 --> 00:31:18.760
it's not, it's yes until to no.

552
00:31:18.760 --> 00:31:20.340
So we went on this second date.

553
00:31:20.340 --> 00:31:22.980
After I put in the chat that I was questioning things,

554
00:31:22.980 --> 00:31:25.100
I felt like he was rushing things.

555
00:31:25.100 --> 00:31:27.020
Like he was putting a lot of pressure on me

556
00:31:27.020 --> 00:31:28.260
to like speed things up.

557
00:31:28.260 --> 00:31:30.380
And it was making me uncomfortable,

558
00:31:30.380 --> 00:31:33.820
which normally passed me before unhealed me.

559
00:31:33.820 --> 00:31:36.180
What if I'm like, I used to be a jumper.

560
00:31:36.180 --> 00:31:37.660
Like I would jump right in head first.

561
00:31:37.660 --> 00:31:40.380
So now I'm trying to be conscious and intentional.

562
00:31:40.380 --> 00:31:43.660
And we scheduled a date for Friday.

563
00:31:43.660 --> 00:31:45.740
He said, let's meet at six.

564
00:31:45.740 --> 00:31:46.720
I was planning for six.

565
00:31:46.720 --> 00:31:47.560
I was getting ready.

566
00:31:47.560 --> 00:31:50.420
He texted me at five and said, can we do 530?

567
00:31:50.420 --> 00:31:53.900
And I was like, no, no, I'm nowhere near ready.

568
00:31:53.900 --> 00:31:55.420
Like I'll try.

569
00:31:55.420 --> 00:31:57.100
I basically said, I will try,

570
00:31:57.100 --> 00:31:59.540
but it's not like I'm planning for six.

571
00:31:59.540 --> 00:32:03.060
So I showed up at 555, not even late.

572
00:32:03.060 --> 00:32:06.560
And he'd been sitting there waiting on me like I was late

573
00:32:06.560 --> 00:32:08.940
and had already ordered food for the table,

574
00:32:08.940 --> 00:32:11.940
like ordered food for us.

575
00:32:11.940 --> 00:32:15.980
And I have dietary restrictions and I'm just picky.

576
00:32:15.980 --> 00:32:20.100
So I immediately got so just like uncomfortable.

577
00:32:20.100 --> 00:32:22.780
I'm like, no.

578
00:32:22.780 --> 00:32:25.420
I was like, please tell me you didn't order for me.

579
00:32:25.420 --> 00:32:27.500
And he goes, yeah, I ordered two rolls.

580
00:32:27.500 --> 00:32:28.820
I thought you would like that.

581
00:32:28.820 --> 00:32:31.500
And I was like, I don't know a single woman

582
00:32:31.500 --> 00:32:33.100
who would enjoy that.

583
00:32:33.100 --> 00:32:35.940
But I, and he was like,

584
00:32:35.940 --> 00:32:38.000
well, I was trying to do a nice thing.

585
00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:39.820
Like I was sitting here waiting for you.

586
00:32:39.820 --> 00:32:42.740
I'm like, okay, you said six.

587
00:32:42.740 --> 00:32:44.500
I'm here before six.

588
00:32:44.500 --> 00:32:45.700
I'm like, it's okay.

589
00:32:45.700 --> 00:32:47.620
It's not a big deal.

590
00:32:47.620 --> 00:32:48.460
It's fine.

591
00:32:48.460 --> 00:32:49.280
And he was like, well,

592
00:32:49.280 --> 00:32:51.040
if you want to order something else, you can.

593
00:32:51.040 --> 00:32:55.800
So now that made me feel like I was being unreasonable

594
00:32:55.800 --> 00:32:58.760
by wanting to order my own roll.

595
00:32:58.760 --> 00:33:00.800
Finally, after like 15 minutes of me

596
00:33:00.800 --> 00:33:02.740
trying to like whatever he ordered,

597
00:33:03.760 --> 00:33:07.240
it had to like, the stuff that he ordered had mayo in it.

598
00:33:07.240 --> 00:33:10.680
I have a dairy intolerance and I'm weird with mayo.

599
00:33:10.680 --> 00:33:13.640
I feel like sometimes it is okay and sometimes it kills me.

600
00:33:13.640 --> 00:33:14.720
So I was trying to eat it.

601
00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:17.040
I finally ordered my own roll.

602
00:33:17.040 --> 00:33:20.040
And he starts like, like kind of interrogating me,

603
00:33:20.040 --> 00:33:21.440
asking me if I was interested in it.

604
00:33:21.440 --> 00:33:26.440
He said, he said, based off the signs so far

605
00:33:26.960 --> 00:33:28.060
of what I'm getting from you,

606
00:33:28.060 --> 00:33:29.860
I don't think you're interested.

607
00:33:29.860 --> 00:33:32.780
And I just felt like he was putting a lot of pressure on me.

608
00:33:32.780 --> 00:33:34.520
And then he'd said at one point,

609
00:33:34.520 --> 00:33:37.320
I feel like you just are dating because you like to date

610
00:33:37.320 --> 00:33:40.160
and you don't actually want to meet your husband

611
00:33:40.160 --> 00:33:41.920
and have something serious.

612
00:33:41.920 --> 00:33:43.560
So I walked away from that date,

613
00:33:43.560 --> 00:33:46.220
just feeling, I don't know, conflicted and confused.

614
00:33:46.220 --> 00:33:47.720
And I was like, okay, whatever,

615
00:33:47.720 --> 00:33:49.560
I'll give him another chance.

616
00:33:50.080 --> 00:33:51.440
But then Supernatural Saturday happened

617
00:33:51.440 --> 00:33:53.480
and Jackie was like, what are you ignoring

618
00:33:53.480 --> 00:33:55.120
that you already know?

619
00:33:55.120 --> 00:33:56.920
And what came to mind was,

620
00:33:56.920 --> 00:33:58.920
I feel like I've been, I don't want to say slumming it,

621
00:33:58.920 --> 00:34:00.720
but I feel like I've been slumming it,

622
00:34:00.720 --> 00:34:03.640
dating these guys that I already know I'm not interested in,

623
00:34:03.640 --> 00:34:05.080
that I already know I don't like,

624
00:34:05.080 --> 00:34:07.240
because I am struggling to have faith

625
00:34:07.240 --> 00:34:09.239
that God's going to give me what I do want.

626
00:34:09.239 --> 00:34:11.360
Because I feel like it's like up here

627
00:34:11.360 --> 00:34:13.820
and I'm dating like way down here.

628
00:34:13.820 --> 00:34:15.639
To where it's like embarrassing to tell my friends

629
00:34:15.639 --> 00:34:16.760
who I'm going on dates with,

630
00:34:16.760 --> 00:34:18.480
because they're like, what are you doing?

631
00:34:18.480 --> 00:34:19.840
It's like that bad.

632
00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:24.440
So I sent him the text that you told me to send,

633
00:34:24.440 --> 00:34:27.600
that you had said, like, I basically did that.

634
00:34:27.600 --> 00:34:29.199
As soon as, I'm sitting at Dutch Bros,

635
00:34:29.199 --> 00:34:34.199
as soon as I sent it, he like walked up at Dutch Bros.

636
00:34:35.760 --> 00:34:37.280
I'm not kidding.

637
00:34:37.280 --> 00:34:38.120
Oh my gosh.

638
00:34:38.120 --> 00:34:38.960
I was sitting there with my friend,

639
00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:40.480
I'm like, okay, I'm going to send a text.

640
00:34:40.480 --> 00:34:41.760
Was this the message like,

641
00:34:41.760 --> 00:34:43.440
hey, I just don't see this going anywhere romantically?

642
00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:44.280
Yes.

643
00:34:44.280 --> 00:34:47.080
And I'm so like, you were so kind and so thoughtful.

644
00:34:47.080 --> 00:34:48.920
I wish you the best in finding your person.

645
00:34:48.920 --> 00:34:49.760
And we were like sitting there,

646
00:34:49.760 --> 00:34:51.040
I was typing it with my friend.

647
00:34:51.040 --> 00:34:52.120
We're talking about it.

648
00:34:52.120 --> 00:34:56.159
I hit send and he's like, he walks up to Dutch Bros.

649
00:34:56.159 --> 00:34:58.320
He's like, hi Sandy.

650
00:34:58.320 --> 00:34:59.160
And I,

651
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:08.760
I went like, uh, and he went to grab his drink and I quickly unsent it, but I don't know

652
00:35:08.760 --> 00:35:10.960
if he saw it, but I was panicking.

653
00:35:10.960 --> 00:35:15.720
And then when he left, I went home and I sent it again.

654
00:35:15.720 --> 00:35:22.520
And he said, based off how you treated me today, I think the same thing.

655
00:35:22.520 --> 00:35:24.600
I was like, okay, I didn't do anything.

656
00:35:24.600 --> 00:35:25.600
I said, hi.

657
00:35:25.600 --> 00:35:26.600
You know?

658
00:35:26.600 --> 00:35:27.600
So I don't know.

659
00:35:27.600 --> 00:35:29.720
There's a lot of things here.

660
00:35:29.720 --> 00:35:30.720
Okay.

661
00:35:30.720 --> 00:35:34.720
And so we've built a rapport with one another.

662
00:35:34.720 --> 00:35:38.160
Do you, do you give me permission to tell you hard things?

663
00:35:38.160 --> 00:35:39.160
Yes.

664
00:35:39.160 --> 00:35:40.160
Tell me all of the things, please.

665
00:35:40.160 --> 00:35:41.160
Okay.

666
00:35:41.160 --> 00:35:45.200
So some of you ladies, you're going to, you're, this is what you're going to see.

667
00:35:45.200 --> 00:35:50.120
And again, you ladies, I want you to know, like, I do this all out of love.

668
00:35:50.120 --> 00:35:51.680
Okay.

669
00:35:51.680 --> 00:35:56.000
One thing that I want to put, like, I know the week prior you had a good week and then

670
00:35:56.000 --> 00:35:59.400
there's that growth week and there's the stretching and the hard week.

671
00:35:59.400 --> 00:36:01.200
So yeah, ladies, that will come.

672
00:36:01.200 --> 00:36:08.320
I think if you guys go back to heartwork and remind yourselves of like, there's, I think

673
00:36:08.320 --> 00:36:14.640
it's like that week three that gets just really like intense.

674
00:36:14.640 --> 00:36:21.200
I remember that because after I did that, I remember just being like full on rage because

675
00:36:21.480 --> 00:36:27.160
when you open a wound to clean out a wound, especially a wound that's super infected,

676
00:36:27.160 --> 00:36:32.760
like it hurts it, there's some infection that has to come out.

677
00:36:32.760 --> 00:36:34.000
All right.

678
00:36:34.000 --> 00:36:40.840
So when you do some surgery, some of that growth, like it's not always like great.

679
00:36:40.840 --> 00:36:41.840
Okay.

680
00:36:41.840 --> 00:36:46.520
Um, so it's not uncommon for all of a sudden you're like, Oh, I had a great, great week.

681
00:36:46.520 --> 00:36:47.520
Things are happening.

682
00:36:47.520 --> 00:36:53.240
And then all of a sudden just, it kind of gets a little hard because you're growing

683
00:36:53.240 --> 00:36:58.200
into this new identity, this new way of looking at things.

684
00:36:58.200 --> 00:36:59.200
Okay.

685
00:36:59.200 --> 00:37:06.000
And so one, I want to applaud you for going on the second date and giving it a try and

686
00:37:06.000 --> 00:37:08.240
doing the, it's a yes until it's a no.

687
00:37:08.240 --> 00:37:13.640
A couple of things that I do want you to spend some time with Holy Spirit on.

688
00:37:13.640 --> 00:37:14.720
Okay.

689
00:37:14.720 --> 00:37:19.680
We do open you ladies up to date people that you normally wouldn't date.

690
00:37:19.680 --> 00:37:20.680
Okay.

691
00:37:20.680 --> 00:37:22.040
We don't want you to have all these lists.

692
00:37:22.040 --> 00:37:25.560
We want you to give opportunity to people.

693
00:37:25.560 --> 00:37:26.660
Okay.

694
00:37:26.660 --> 00:37:32.640
And so Sandy's doing that, but she's really starting to realize like, I just know I don't

695
00:37:32.640 --> 00:37:34.520
like these guys.

696
00:37:34.520 --> 00:37:36.120
So I want you to spend some time.

697
00:37:36.120 --> 00:37:37.160
What about them?

698
00:37:37.160 --> 00:37:44.600
Do you not like our, is their personality just, you know, not compatible with

699
00:37:44.680 --> 00:37:45.680
yours?

700
00:37:45.680 --> 00:37:46.680
Are they dorky?

701
00:37:46.680 --> 00:37:48.920
Are they critical?

702
00:37:48.920 --> 00:37:51.920
Are they, are they just ugly?

703
00:37:51.920 --> 00:37:55.440
I mean, all of the above, I would say.

704
00:37:55.440 --> 00:37:56.440
Okay.

705
00:37:56.440 --> 00:38:02.640
So you're allowed to give yourself some, again, you're allowed to give yourself some guardrails.

706
00:38:02.640 --> 00:38:03.640
Okay.

707
00:38:03.640 --> 00:38:04.640
What, what do I like?

708
00:38:04.640 --> 00:38:05.640
What do I not like?

709
00:38:05.640 --> 00:38:06.640
Okay.

710
00:38:06.640 --> 00:38:13.600
I, let's just take probably something that's most people at one point in their, in their

711
00:38:13.600 --> 00:38:14.600
life.

712
00:38:14.600 --> 00:38:19.320
They probably can relate to the looks thing, being physically attracted to somebody.

713
00:38:19.320 --> 00:38:20.320
Okay.

714
00:38:20.320 --> 00:38:21.320
We all want to marry some of that.

715
00:38:21.320 --> 00:38:24.320
We really are physically attracted to, right.

716
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:25.720
Okay.

717
00:38:25.720 --> 00:38:27.360
That used to be a big thing for me.

718
00:38:27.360 --> 00:38:28.680
All right.

719
00:38:28.680 --> 00:38:31.960
I was really vain, believe it or not.

720
00:38:31.960 --> 00:38:35.520
Like I, it, it was bad.

721
00:38:35.520 --> 00:38:39.000
I started allowing myself, this was pre-heartwork.

722
00:38:39.000 --> 00:38:43.440
I was like, well, all the good looking men that I date treat me like garbage.

723
00:38:44.280 --> 00:38:45.760
So I guess I just don't care.

724
00:38:45.760 --> 00:38:53.160
And so there was a guy that I worked with super overweight, like unattractive overweight,

725
00:38:53.160 --> 00:38:55.360
but he had a great personality.

726
00:38:55.360 --> 00:38:59.880
And so I convinced myself, well, looks don't matter.

727
00:38:59.880 --> 00:39:01.640
I'm going to go for the funny guy.

728
00:39:01.640 --> 00:39:04.360
I'm going to go for the charismatic guy.

729
00:39:04.360 --> 00:39:09.760
And then y'all, I got freaking irritated because he wasn't a good guy either.

730
00:39:09.760 --> 00:39:16.200
And then I was mad at myself because I dated the overweight guy that just was sloppy looking

731
00:39:16.200 --> 00:39:22.520
and, you know, didn't care about himself, you know, like it just didn't matter.

732
00:39:22.520 --> 00:39:27.560
So I had to be like, okay, I don't need a number 10.

733
00:39:27.560 --> 00:39:33.160
I don't need a supermodel, but I'm also not going to go for the number, like the guy that

734
00:39:33.160 --> 00:39:35.520
I'm like repulsed by.

735
00:39:35.520 --> 00:39:37.280
All right.

736
00:39:37.600 --> 00:39:43.480
And I say this, okay, and my husband, when I first saw him, he wasn't a 10, y'all.

737
00:39:43.480 --> 00:39:44.960
He wasn't.

738
00:39:44.960 --> 00:39:48.240
I wasn't a 10, okay?

739
00:39:48.240 --> 00:39:55.160
Like, but I began to really invest because now I had heart work.

740
00:39:55.160 --> 00:40:00.000
I had been in this program and I started getting out and dating and discovering what

741
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.280
What qualities and characteristics did I really enjoy about men?

742
00:40:05.280 --> 00:40:07.040
And that's what I was looking for.

743
00:40:07.040 --> 00:40:11.660
Now when I saw my husband, I was like, he looks fun, he looks outgoing, he looks like

744
00:40:11.660 --> 00:40:16.560
he can be the life of a party.

745
00:40:16.560 --> 00:40:22.480
He looks like he doesn't take life too seriously, but in his profile, it did show that he had

746
00:40:22.480 --> 00:40:26.360
some seriousness, like there were certain things that he was grounded in and I really

747
00:40:26.360 --> 00:40:29.400
value that.

748
00:40:29.400 --> 00:40:40.200
Now he had a dad bod, but I was a mom, I wasn't like a 20 year old spring chicken like I once

749
00:40:40.200 --> 00:40:41.200
was.

750
00:40:41.200 --> 00:40:49.880
I've got cellulite, I've got stretch marks, I've got a little junk in the trunk, you know?

751
00:40:49.880 --> 00:40:57.280
Women we can hide it well, men don't always hide that well, but there was other qualities

752
00:40:57.280 --> 00:40:59.640
that I was intrigued to get to know him more.

753
00:40:59.640 --> 00:41:02.680
So that's what that yes is until it's a no.

754
00:41:02.680 --> 00:41:08.080
It's being open to the idea of just getting to know someone to discover what do you like,

755
00:41:08.080 --> 00:41:11.960
what do you not like, what do you appreciate, what qualities and characteristics do you

756
00:41:11.960 --> 00:41:16.560
like in men, what attracts you to them.

757
00:41:16.560 --> 00:41:20.520
And if you start seeing there's certain things that someone has that's not there, you're

758
00:41:20.520 --> 00:41:22.680
not a bad person.

759
00:41:22.680 --> 00:41:27.240
That's when you're like, I just don't see this going anywhere romantically.

760
00:41:27.240 --> 00:41:29.240
I wish you the best of luck.

761
00:41:29.240 --> 00:41:32.760
Now what I do, I want to unpack a little bit more.

762
00:41:32.760 --> 00:41:34.240
I know I'm taking a lot of time here.

763
00:41:34.240 --> 00:41:38.360
I hope this helps a lot of you, okay?

764
00:41:38.360 --> 00:41:43.960
And this is where I'm going to get a little, I'm going to rip a bandaid off of you, Sandy.

765
00:41:43.960 --> 00:41:52.480
This situation where he showed up early and you're like, no, I can't do that.

766
00:41:53.280 --> 00:41:54.280
That was good.

767
00:41:54.280 --> 00:41:57.840
You were like, look, you were going to try to consider it, but you're like, no, I really

768
00:41:57.840 --> 00:41:58.840
can't.

769
00:41:58.840 --> 00:41:59.840
I'm not even close to ready.

770
00:41:59.840 --> 00:42:03.800
I will be there as close as I can, but I'm planning on six.

771
00:42:03.800 --> 00:42:09.640
Now he was saying, hey, I'm here.

772
00:42:09.640 --> 00:42:10.900
Can we make it earlier?

773
00:42:10.900 --> 00:42:15.720
It sounds like he was probably hungry, maybe he hadn't eaten all day.

774
00:42:15.720 --> 00:42:20.160
It's probably why he ordered the food because he needed something to eat.

775
00:42:20.680 --> 00:42:25.920
He was probably trying to do something nice and considerate.

776
00:42:25.920 --> 00:42:29.800
Now did his body language show some irritation?

777
00:42:29.800 --> 00:42:31.080
Possibly.

778
00:42:31.080 --> 00:42:32.880
Were you possibly feeling irritated?

779
00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:37.600
Because you're still telling me that you're not even sure you're really truly sure you

780
00:42:37.600 --> 00:42:40.320
like him, right?

781
00:42:40.320 --> 00:42:46.000
You're just like kind of on this like, but I let him pick the date and the time I let

782
00:42:46.000 --> 00:42:47.640
him put in all of it.

783
00:42:47.640 --> 00:42:54.520
And so he, by him changing it and like, I understand if he's hungry, like he ordered

784
00:42:54.520 --> 00:42:58.760
an appetizer, but he, an appetizer is one thing, but he ordered for me.

785
00:42:58.760 --> 00:42:59.760
Yeah.

786
00:42:59.760 --> 00:43:02.400
And then I got food for you trying to be a gentleman.

787
00:43:02.400 --> 00:43:03.400
Okay.

788
00:43:03.400 --> 00:43:09.640
I'm not saying that he didn't like, he did make the time and the date and you said, no,

789
00:43:09.640 --> 00:43:10.720
I'm not going to.

790
00:43:10.720 --> 00:43:11.960
And that's fine.

791
00:43:11.960 --> 00:43:15.840
What he decides to do and how he chooses that's on him.

792
00:43:15.840 --> 00:43:17.520
But you did nothing wrong there.

793
00:43:17.520 --> 00:43:18.520
Okay.

794
00:43:18.520 --> 00:43:19.520
Okay.

795
00:43:19.520 --> 00:43:22.080
So if he's offended, that's his offense.

796
00:43:22.080 --> 00:43:30.120
Now what I will say is that his offense sparked offense in you and then you started getting

797
00:43:30.120 --> 00:43:31.120
defensive.

798
00:43:31.120 --> 00:43:32.120
Yeah.

799
00:43:32.120 --> 00:43:33.120
All right.

800
00:43:33.120 --> 00:43:34.120
You got defensive.

801
00:43:34.120 --> 00:43:35.120
Guess what?

802
00:43:35.120 --> 00:43:36.120
He got more defensive.

803
00:43:36.120 --> 00:43:42.960
So do you see how it's about what I want this opportunity to help you with is one, I want

804
00:43:42.960 --> 00:43:43.960
you to spend time.

805
00:43:44.360 --> 00:43:47.800
I don't want you to be like, Oh, I'm not going to give just guys.

806
00:43:47.800 --> 00:43:50.720
I wouldn't think had a chance, a chance.

807
00:43:50.720 --> 00:43:52.960
I don't want you to take that off the table.

808
00:43:52.960 --> 00:43:56.600
Maybe give yourself some guidelines and some guardrails there.

809
00:43:56.600 --> 00:44:02.500
But I also want you to embrace this opportunity is someone else's offense.

810
00:44:02.500 --> 00:44:04.920
You don't have to pick up.

811
00:44:04.920 --> 00:44:08.320
Look, try to find gold.

812
00:44:08.320 --> 00:44:11.160
Oh, I really don't like that.

813
00:44:11.160 --> 00:44:12.320
He ordered for me.

814
00:44:12.320 --> 00:44:16.480
I have dietary restrictions, whether he knew that or not.

815
00:44:16.480 --> 00:44:21.120
You might have told him that, but ladies, sometimes men don't have great memories.

816
00:44:21.120 --> 00:44:27.400
My husband is like the worst person at remembering things.

817
00:44:27.400 --> 00:44:28.400
It drives me crazy.

818
00:44:28.400 --> 00:44:33.440
Y'all like he has a horrible memory and I'm like, I just told you that like, like, honey,

819
00:44:33.440 --> 00:44:36.640
I just got done explaining this to you.

820
00:44:36.640 --> 00:44:37.680
Okay.

821
00:44:37.680 --> 00:44:43.840
So if you had dietary restrictions and he knew it, he probably forgot or he's trying

822
00:44:43.840 --> 00:44:49.080
to do a nice thing and he's hungry and he's like, okay, maybe this way when she gets here,

823
00:44:49.080 --> 00:44:50.080
she'll have something to eat.

824
00:44:50.080 --> 00:44:51.240
I'm trying to get something for that.

825
00:44:51.240 --> 00:44:56.520
I think she likes instead of getting defensive about it.

826
00:44:56.520 --> 00:44:59.440
I would encourage you to say.

827
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.240
Hey, I really appreciate this nice gesture.

828
00:45:03.240 --> 00:45:06.780
Unfortunately, I have some dietary restrictions

829
00:45:06.780 --> 00:45:08.580
and that's not appealing to me.

830
00:45:08.580 --> 00:45:10.840
I actually have to find something

831
00:45:10.840 --> 00:45:12.740
that doesn't have mayo in it, and this does.

832
00:45:12.740 --> 00:45:15.200
Sometimes it agrees with me and sometimes it doesn't.

833
00:45:15.200 --> 00:45:17.740
Would it be okay if I ordered something else?

834
00:45:19.540 --> 00:45:21.980
And he would have probably been like,

835
00:45:21.980 --> 00:45:24.580
oh my goodness, I didn't think about that, I'm so sorry.

836
00:45:24.580 --> 00:45:28.180
Yes, please order whatever it is that you want, okay?

837
00:45:28.180 --> 00:45:30.060
A good man would do that, right?

838
00:45:30.060 --> 00:45:32.760
Now, if he's still offended and being a butthead,

839
00:45:32.760 --> 00:45:37.220
then you get your answer, right?

840
00:45:37.220 --> 00:45:38.060
Yeah.

841
00:45:38.060 --> 00:45:40.020
But I wanna encourage you,

842
00:45:40.020 --> 00:45:44.100
instead of taking someone's offense and then pulling it

843
00:45:44.100 --> 00:45:47.180
and then now it's your offense now,

844
00:45:47.180 --> 00:45:49.780
and then now you get this defensiveness,

845
00:45:49.780 --> 00:45:53.620
because then you probably got sharp with him,

846
00:45:53.620 --> 00:45:56.120
read his stuff, right?

847
00:45:56.240 --> 00:45:58.480
Got sharp, guess what he did?

848
00:45:58.480 --> 00:46:00.460
He met you right where you were at.

849
00:46:00.460 --> 00:46:03.200
No, I tried really hard to be nice.

850
00:46:03.200 --> 00:46:06.460
I tried to hide the fact that I was dying inside,

851
00:46:06.460 --> 00:46:07.300
but I think it's just

852
00:46:07.300 --> 00:46:09.780
because I also have control issues that I'm working on,

853
00:46:09.780 --> 00:46:12.640
which was so highlighted when I sat there,

854
00:46:12.640 --> 00:46:15.240
and I felt like I was for sure being tested

855
00:46:15.240 --> 00:46:19.240
on how to be nicer, less go with,

856
00:46:19.240 --> 00:46:21.320
I felt like I was being tested by Holy Spirit.

857
00:46:21.320 --> 00:46:22.600
How are you gonna handle this?

858
00:46:22.600 --> 00:46:25.420
And it was definitely, I sat there and tried to be kind.

859
00:46:25.460 --> 00:46:29.340
I don't know how good at hiding my feelings I was.

860
00:46:29.340 --> 00:46:31.620
I feel like my face tells everything,

861
00:46:31.620 --> 00:46:36.460
but it's a great learning experience for next time

862
00:46:36.460 --> 00:46:40.240
to give somebody else more grace, for sure.

863
00:46:40.240 --> 00:46:42.300
And that's what I'm saying, ladies, these opportunities,

864
00:46:42.300 --> 00:46:44.900
like this guy is not your spirit mate.

865
00:46:44.900 --> 00:46:46.040
Yeah.

866
00:46:46.040 --> 00:46:47.660
And you know that, but you know what?

867
00:46:47.660 --> 00:46:49.960
God's gonna use each one of these situations

868
00:46:49.960 --> 00:46:51.460
to bring something out in you.

869
00:46:52.700 --> 00:46:53.780
He's gonna give you,

870
00:46:53.780 --> 00:46:58.460
you have an opportunity to upgrade or to stay stuck.

871
00:46:58.460 --> 00:47:00.420
Which one do you want?

872
00:47:00.420 --> 00:47:01.820
Do you wanna unpack this more?

873
00:47:01.820 --> 00:47:03.620
Do you wanna spend time with Holy Spirit?

874
00:47:03.620 --> 00:47:05.580
Do you wanna really get to the root of,

875
00:47:05.580 --> 00:47:08.660
you know, why do I feel this need for control?

876
00:47:08.660 --> 00:47:13.420
Why do I feel defensive when people are doing something?

877
00:47:13.420 --> 00:47:17.300
Like, why am I upset when someone wants to change time?

878
00:47:17.300 --> 00:47:21.660
Like, start asking Holy Spirit these good questions

879
00:47:21.660 --> 00:47:23.060
and see what surfaces.

880
00:47:23.060 --> 00:47:25.780
And you're not gonna get all the answers right away.

881
00:47:25.780 --> 00:47:28.660
It might take a few more different dates

882
00:47:28.660 --> 00:47:29.780
of bringing this out

883
00:47:29.780 --> 00:47:32.900
and giving you new perspective of things, right?

884
00:47:32.900 --> 00:47:35.340
Ladies, that's what this whole opportunity is about.

885
00:47:35.340 --> 00:47:37.740
This is what this phase is all about.

886
00:47:37.740 --> 00:47:41.540
It's, again, it's discovering more about yourself.

887
00:47:41.540 --> 00:47:45.180
What areas can you get some more healing from?

888
00:47:46.060 --> 00:47:47.300
Okay?

889
00:47:47.300 --> 00:47:48.620
So Sandy, thank you so much.

890
00:47:48.620 --> 00:47:52.160
And ladies, I appreciate you all allowing us

891
00:47:52.160 --> 00:47:53.880
to take time to kind of dig into that.

892
00:47:53.880 --> 00:47:56.480
I really felt like it was good stuff.

893
00:47:56.480 --> 00:47:58.680
And again, Sandy's always a great sport.

894
00:47:58.680 --> 00:48:00.200
She lets me pick on her.

895
00:48:00.200 --> 00:48:03.040
She knows I mean this in love,

896
00:48:03.040 --> 00:48:05.740
or at least I hope you know I mean everything in love.

897
00:48:07.120 --> 00:48:08.640
All right, Elaine, Mary,

898
00:48:08.640 --> 00:48:11.440
and then I've got Michelle, Vern, and Tina,

899
00:48:11.440 --> 00:48:16.120
and Amaka, Amika.

900
00:48:16.120 --> 00:48:17.240
I'm gonna butcher your name.

901
00:48:17.240 --> 00:48:19.480
I'm so sorry.

902
00:48:19.480 --> 00:48:20.400
Correct me.

903
00:48:23.160 --> 00:48:25.720
It's the first one, Amaka.

904
00:48:25.720 --> 00:48:27.480
Amaka, okay.

905
00:48:27.480 --> 00:48:28.360
Thank you for correcting me.

906
00:48:28.360 --> 00:48:29.200
I just wanna make sure,

907
00:48:29.200 --> 00:48:30.800
because I am not great at names.

908
00:48:30.800 --> 00:48:33.240
I am phonetically challenged.

909
00:48:33.240 --> 00:48:35.400
All right, Elaine, short, brief, powerful.

910
00:48:35.400 --> 00:48:36.440
What's your question?

911
00:48:36.440 --> 00:48:38.840
And let's go.

912
00:48:38.840 --> 00:48:40.000
I'll try to be short, brief.

913
00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:41.120
Feel free to cut me off.

914
00:48:41.120 --> 00:48:42.920
Feel free to tell me anything.

915
00:48:42.920 --> 00:48:45.160
I'm open to that.

916
00:48:45.160 --> 00:48:48.360
So a week ago, I was like,

917
00:48:48.360 --> 00:48:50.800
I totally don't wanna do a dating thing.

918
00:48:50.800 --> 00:48:51.980
I just hate it.

919
00:48:52.800 --> 00:48:54.020
I hate online dating, blah, blah, blah.

920
00:48:54.020 --> 00:48:56.380
So I'm an all or nothing person.

921
00:48:56.380 --> 00:48:59.180
I decided, all right, let's just do it.

922
00:48:59.180 --> 00:49:02.620
I tried two Christian dating sites.

923
00:49:02.620 --> 00:49:04.460
They were absolute disaster.

924
00:49:04.460 --> 00:49:06.020
Quit in one day.

925
00:49:06.020 --> 00:49:07.580
That's a whole other story.

926
00:49:07.580 --> 00:49:10.380
And then I was encouraged to try Facebook.

927
00:49:10.380 --> 00:49:11.780
So I'm like, really, Facebook?

928
00:49:11.780 --> 00:49:15.060
But anyway, I was kind of overwhelmed

929
00:49:15.060 --> 00:49:18.540
with just like, I don't know if you go on there

930
00:49:18.540 --> 00:49:22.100
and you just get a landslide of like so many people.

931
00:49:22.100 --> 00:49:25.420
And I felt like I needed to answer and everything.

932
00:49:25.420 --> 00:49:27.940
But my way of dealing with it is

933
00:49:27.940 --> 00:49:31.660
if they didn't say in their profile something about,

934
00:49:31.660 --> 00:49:33.580
I'm a Christian, God's first,

935
00:49:33.580 --> 00:49:37.700
I would just, they might look interesting,

936
00:49:37.700 --> 00:49:39.940
but I just kept saying, nope, I'm not gonna.

937
00:49:39.940 --> 00:49:43.300
And I found probably 10 people

938
00:49:43.300 --> 00:49:45.860
that I started having conversations with.

939
00:49:46.860 --> 00:49:48.980
I've never dated a Christian man.

940
00:49:48.980 --> 00:49:51.660
Okay, so my idea of what that should look like

941
00:49:51.660 --> 00:49:54.700
is probably really just cute.

942
00:49:54.700 --> 00:49:56.260
I mean, I grew up in a Christian family.

943
00:49:56.260 --> 00:49:59.380
My dad and mom are like still married, love each other.

944
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.600
I think I have these maybe weird ideas.

945
00:50:05.160 --> 00:50:07.360
The first person I dated said spiritual,

946
00:50:07.360 --> 00:50:10.840
they were not Christian, had an awesome date.

947
00:50:10.840 --> 00:50:12.440
I mean, it was really great.

948
00:50:12.440 --> 00:50:16.160
We had good conversation and he wanted to see me again

949
00:50:16.160 --> 00:50:19.440
and then I left thinking, oh no, of course,

950
00:50:19.440 --> 00:50:21.200
he's great and he's not a Christian

951
00:50:21.200 --> 00:50:23.200
and now what do I do to discourage him

952
00:50:23.200 --> 00:50:24.640
from wanting to see me again?

953
00:50:25.880 --> 00:50:29.600
And so the next one, Christian guy,

954
00:50:29.600 --> 00:50:30.720
he's the one that blew me up.

955
00:50:30.720 --> 00:50:31.560
He didn't blow me up.

956
00:50:31.560 --> 00:50:33.160
It was kind of a miscommunication thing

957
00:50:33.160 --> 00:50:35.560
where I had an awesome night and I was like,

958
00:50:35.560 --> 00:50:38.560
phew, I didn't really wanna go on this date anyway.

959
00:50:38.560 --> 00:50:40.400
I had an amazing evening.

960
00:50:41.640 --> 00:50:46.080
Next day, it was today, I was having anxiety

961
00:50:46.080 --> 00:50:48.560
because we did talk about God and everything.

962
00:50:48.560 --> 00:50:49.880
I just had this thick feeling.

963
00:50:49.880 --> 00:50:51.560
I said, Lord, just make it not work out

964
00:50:51.560 --> 00:50:52.480
if it's not meant to be.

965
00:50:52.480 --> 00:50:54.600
Sure enough, didn't work out.

966
00:50:54.600 --> 00:50:57.680
And I was like, phew, I don't know what that means

967
00:50:57.720 --> 00:51:01.920
about me being relieved when I don't have to go on a date.

968
00:51:01.920 --> 00:51:04.400
But I'm having a lot of conversations

969
00:51:04.400 --> 00:51:06.320
with this one guy, he's Christian.

970
00:51:06.320 --> 00:51:09.640
I kind of had to stop him after 10 minutes

971
00:51:09.640 --> 00:51:12.480
and say, we could talk about God all day long.

972
00:51:12.480 --> 00:51:14.240
I can see that.

973
00:51:14.240 --> 00:51:17.040
Let me hear a little bit more about you.

974
00:51:17.040 --> 00:51:20.120
Good, that's awesome.

975
00:51:20.120 --> 00:51:22.320
Yeah, so then he's like, oh yeah,

976
00:51:22.320 --> 00:51:25.560
and he starts telling me about himself

977
00:51:25.560 --> 00:51:30.560
and I just, I divorced a real intellectual,

978
00:51:31.360 --> 00:51:33.960
somebody that would just wanna tell you,

979
00:51:33.960 --> 00:51:36.320
he knew something about everything.

980
00:51:36.320 --> 00:51:39.320
And this guy was reminding me of that,

981
00:51:39.320 --> 00:51:40.920
like he's very knowledgeable

982
00:51:40.920 --> 00:51:42.120
and this and this and this and that

983
00:51:42.120 --> 00:51:43.560
and kind of wants to tell me

984
00:51:44.560 --> 00:51:47.800
and how he can fix, if I say something,

985
00:51:47.800 --> 00:51:51.880
he'll be like, oh, give me a whole thing

986
00:51:51.880 --> 00:51:54.360
of how he can fix that.

987
00:51:54.400 --> 00:51:59.400
And I'm like, all right, I'm ready to cut and run right now.

988
00:51:59.440 --> 00:52:00.280
Yes.

989
00:52:00.280 --> 00:52:02.640
But he's, so I'm just.

990
00:52:02.640 --> 00:52:04.360
Some things are coming up, okay?

991
00:52:04.360 --> 00:52:06.240
And so I don't wanna get completely

992
00:52:06.240 --> 00:52:08.040
and if we need to follow up, we can.

993
00:52:10.280 --> 00:52:13.760
One about the online thing, the dating, okay?

994
00:52:13.760 --> 00:52:18.760
Ladies, I encourage you ladies to try at least two,

995
00:52:19.280 --> 00:52:23.440
if not three different types of sites, okay?

996
00:52:23.440 --> 00:52:27.120
Facebook dating, we have so many success stories from that.

997
00:52:27.120 --> 00:52:30.640
I did that, that's the one I felt more enjoyable

998
00:52:30.640 --> 00:52:31.760
than anything else.

999
00:52:31.760 --> 00:52:34.720
But by all means, you all have your own,

1000
00:52:34.720 --> 00:52:37.200
you get choices in this, okay?

1001
00:52:37.200 --> 00:52:41.040
But I will encourage you to stick it out a little bit

1002
00:52:41.040 --> 00:52:43.120
or if you're like, okay, this is not,

1003
00:52:43.120 --> 00:52:44.720
I'm not feeling this one,

1004
00:52:44.720 --> 00:52:46.240
be open to moving to something else,

1005
00:52:46.240 --> 00:52:47.760
which is what Elaine did.

1006
00:52:47.760 --> 00:52:50.440
She tried two and she's like, this is not working out.

1007
00:52:50.440 --> 00:52:52.720
So she jumped on Facebook dating.

1008
00:52:52.720 --> 00:52:57.600
And I do like that, you get to set the parameters,

1009
00:52:57.600 --> 00:53:02.240
you get to decide how you operate the dating site.

1010
00:53:02.240 --> 00:53:07.040
So if you start off and like, okay, this is overwhelming,

1011
00:53:07.040 --> 00:53:11.440
I can only engage with people that mention

1012
00:53:11.440 --> 00:53:16.440
some sort of God or relationship on a spiritual level.

1013
00:53:17.240 --> 00:53:18.440
That's fine.

1014
00:53:18.440 --> 00:53:20.640
Now, what I will say, if some of you ladies do that

1015
00:53:20.640 --> 00:53:22.280
and you feel like it's pulling teeth

1016
00:53:22.840 --> 00:53:26.760
to get some dates, you may want to take that down

1017
00:53:26.760 --> 00:53:30.520
and be interested in learning about people

1018
00:53:30.520 --> 00:53:35.000
that intrigue you that might not put that on their profile.

1019
00:53:35.000 --> 00:53:38.400
What I will say, what I've heard Jackie talk about

1020
00:53:38.400 --> 00:53:43.400
because she coaches men too, she has men that are clients,

1021
00:53:43.400 --> 00:53:46.600
there are some, I'm not saying all Christian men do this,

1022
00:53:46.600 --> 00:53:49.800
some Christian men do not put that they're Christian

1023
00:53:49.800 --> 00:53:51.840
on their profiles.

1024
00:53:52.360 --> 00:53:53.520
I'm not saying all of them do that,

1025
00:53:53.520 --> 00:53:55.000
but there are occasional,

1026
00:53:55.000 --> 00:53:58.400
there is a small portion of them that don't.

1027
00:53:58.400 --> 00:54:02.160
And their reason for that is because when they do it,

1028
00:54:02.160 --> 00:54:06.680
they get an infiltration of Christian women

1029
00:54:06.680 --> 00:54:08.960
quickly wanting to talk about marriage.

1030
00:54:10.520 --> 00:54:14.720
So sometimes, so I would say, if you're like,

1031
00:54:14.720 --> 00:54:18.760
okay, I'm wanting to get more of a diversity,

1032
00:54:18.760 --> 00:54:21.400
I wanna get to know people

1033
00:54:21.400 --> 00:54:24.040
and see the intriguingness of them,

1034
00:54:24.040 --> 00:54:26.280
be open to that, okay?

1035
00:54:26.280 --> 00:54:29.560
But I like that this is how you're balancing

1036
00:54:29.560 --> 00:54:32.920
what you're experiencing, and that's good.

1037
00:54:32.920 --> 00:54:37.800
For me personally, I didn't swipe unless they mentioned God.

1038
00:54:37.800 --> 00:54:41.440
If they at least put on there, like it says religion,

1039
00:54:41.440 --> 00:54:43.920
and then it's like Christian.

1040
00:54:43.920 --> 00:54:48.000
If they didn't put that there, I didn't swipe.

1041
00:54:48.640 --> 00:54:52.080
So there's so many that check off Christian

1042
00:54:52.080 --> 00:54:53.960
that I don't even do that.

1043
00:54:53.960 --> 00:54:56.480
They have to like mention it in their profile.

1044
00:54:56.480 --> 00:54:59.040
But I feel like I attract, I mean, I'm a fun love,

1045
00:54:59.040 --> 00:54:59.880
like I don't.

1046
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.960
No, I have a personality that can tend to attract people that just like,

1047
00:55:04.960 --> 00:55:07.280
let's just have fun, let's go do this, this, and that.

1048
00:55:07.520 --> 00:55:12.720
And then I don't know that I'm going to be able to, um, deter them.

1049
00:55:12.720 --> 00:55:15.760
And, and, and so I'm trying to put it out right away.

1050
00:55:15.760 --> 00:55:18.200
I'm like, my faith is very important to me.

1051
00:55:18.220 --> 00:55:21.080
I know some people don't read, you know, profiles.

1052
00:55:21.560 --> 00:55:27.640
Um, but I just, um, I guess I could say, and that's what, and we, we

1053
00:55:27.640 --> 00:55:30.680
talk to you ladies about like, if it comes up naturally and organically

1054
00:55:30.680 --> 00:55:33.080
in conversation, like talk about it.

1055
00:55:33.640 --> 00:55:35.640
I did that with a lot of guys I dated.

1056
00:55:35.680 --> 00:55:38.960
I didn't go into the story and ask them like, what's your

1057
00:55:38.960 --> 00:55:41.520
testimony, what are your beliefs?

1058
00:55:41.520 --> 00:55:44.840
I mean, I didn't come at those questions when they asked me questions.

1059
00:55:44.960 --> 00:55:49.280
I filtered my faith in my answers.

1060
00:55:49.760 --> 00:55:53.040
And sometimes that would spark conversation from them.

1061
00:55:53.040 --> 00:55:55.440
Not always, but sometimes.

1062
00:55:55.800 --> 00:55:56.080
Okay.

1063
00:55:56.080 --> 00:56:01.760
And that's why I love you also shared that with the one guy you guys were

1064
00:56:01.760 --> 00:56:05.640
talking and you're like, okay, we could talk about God all day, but

1065
00:56:05.640 --> 00:56:06.840
let's have some fun questions.

1066
00:56:06.840 --> 00:56:08.040
Let's really get to know each other.

1067
00:56:08.240 --> 00:56:12.520
Ladies, that's healthy because what can happen is when we

1068
00:56:12.520 --> 00:56:19.960
desire a godly man as a, as a husband, we can get this fantasy.

1069
00:56:21.040 --> 00:56:24.920
If the guy can talk the talk, he must walk the walk.

1070
00:56:26.920 --> 00:56:30.440
And y'all, I fell into that trap with my son's father.

1071
00:56:32.400 --> 00:56:34.640
I believed he was a man of God.

1072
00:56:34.640 --> 00:56:36.520
I believed he was a Christian.

1073
00:56:36.960 --> 00:56:38.000
He went to church.

1074
00:56:38.000 --> 00:56:40.080
We even went church together, y'all.

1075
00:56:41.680 --> 00:56:44.160
And that didn't happen.

1076
00:56:44.960 --> 00:56:49.880
It once we got now, again, I was not making good choices.

1077
00:56:49.960 --> 00:56:50.320
Okay.

1078
00:56:50.360 --> 00:56:52.920
Obviously I was never married to him and I had a child.

1079
00:56:53.320 --> 00:56:53.520
Okay.

1080
00:56:53.520 --> 00:56:58.240
If that, that tells you something, all right, but it was, we

1081
00:56:58.240 --> 00:56:59.960
were being pulled away from God.

1082
00:57:00.560 --> 00:57:05.160
And now like, I can tell that he's not a godly man.

1083
00:57:06.480 --> 00:57:09.560
I mean, my son even questions, like, does he believe in God?

1084
00:57:09.560 --> 00:57:12.280
I'm like, yeah, that's something that you're going to have to ask him, honey.

1085
00:57:13.880 --> 00:57:18.480
And you know, he'll tell his son, oh yeah, yeah, we do, but they don't

1086
00:57:18.480 --> 00:57:19.840
have a relationship with the Lord.

1087
00:57:20.040 --> 00:57:22.040
So I want you to keep that in mind.

1088
00:57:22.040 --> 00:57:27.760
So, you know, in the beginning stages, yes, we want to know that they have

1089
00:57:27.760 --> 00:57:32.920
some knowledge, some understanding, a relationship with the Lord, be okay

1090
00:57:32.920 --> 00:57:37.960
to surrender the process a little bit and allowing God to kind of reveal

1091
00:57:38.320 --> 00:57:44.320
himself in that situation and that relationship.

1092
00:57:44.640 --> 00:57:47.080
Can I, can I say one more thing?

1093
00:57:47.200 --> 00:57:48.080
Yes, absolutely.

1094
00:57:48.400 --> 00:57:51.080
Um, a couple of yellow flags came up.

1095
00:57:52.400 --> 00:57:55.920
I, I got this kind of impression that he's a bit negative now.

1096
00:57:55.920 --> 00:57:59.560
My ex-husband used to always, everything I said, he had to counter it.

1097
00:57:59.560 --> 00:58:00.600
He had to debate it.

1098
00:58:01.040 --> 00:58:03.400
So I just, I got some of that.

1099
00:58:03.400 --> 00:58:09.680
And then he even said, I've been, I've been, um, um, people have told

1100
00:58:09.680 --> 00:58:11.720
me I'm, I'm negative and skeptical.

1101
00:58:12.400 --> 00:58:14.840
I'm like, I don't do negative and skeptical.

1102
00:58:14.840 --> 00:58:18.040
Well, so, I mean, he said that.

1103
00:58:18.040 --> 00:58:21.200
And I'm like, it's probably more than a little bit if he's

1104
00:58:21.200 --> 00:58:22.920
actually right up front saying.

1105
00:58:23.360 --> 00:58:23.840
Yeah.

1106
00:58:23.840 --> 00:58:26.240
And he is, he is kind of doing a bit of that.

1107
00:58:26.240 --> 00:58:28.320
Like, Oh, I don't, I'll mention something.

1108
00:58:28.320 --> 00:58:30.680
And he's like, Oh, I'm one up me.

1109
00:58:31.160 --> 00:58:35.400
And I'm like, yeah, I mean, there's, there's definitely some things

1110
00:58:35.400 --> 00:58:36.880
that you want to keep an eye out for.

1111
00:58:36.880 --> 00:58:41.120
I think God is giving you an opportunity to kind of go a little deeper in your

1112
00:58:41.120 --> 00:58:43.160
healing, because that was another thing.

1113
00:58:43.160 --> 00:58:46.560
I'm glad you brought that back up is ladies.

1114
00:58:46.560 --> 00:58:52.800
When someone reminds you of a former spouse or former relationship, there's

1115
00:58:52.800 --> 00:58:55.600
probably some hard work that needs to go into it.

1116
00:58:55.920 --> 00:58:56.360
Okay.

1117
00:58:56.360 --> 00:58:57.840
There's some areas of healing.

1118
00:58:57.840 --> 00:59:02.360
So you brought up, you know, your, your, your former husband was an intellect.

1119
00:59:02.360 --> 00:59:06.800
And so there are certain things that you have kind of maybe aligned

1120
00:59:06.800 --> 00:59:08.320
with and started believing.

1121
00:59:08.320 --> 00:59:12.800
And so that is when you see that surface, there's going to be a fear there.

1122
00:59:13.160 --> 00:59:18.800
So I would encourage you to spend some time processing through like,

1123
00:59:18.920 --> 00:59:21.360
what bothered you about it?

1124
00:59:21.360 --> 00:59:23.200
What do you believe about it?

1125
00:59:23.360 --> 00:59:29.720
And do you align everybody that might model that to that behavior?

1126
00:59:31.080 --> 00:59:33.640
And it's a new area of healing.

1127
00:59:34.240 --> 00:59:37.400
Not unless they come out and invalidate everything.

1128
00:59:37.440 --> 00:59:41.360
Like when I say something just always, I mean, I don't know, do people just do that?

1129
00:59:41.360 --> 00:59:43.200
I got so used to it.

1130
00:59:43.200 --> 00:59:46.000
Like I say something, well, what about this?

1131
00:59:46.000 --> 00:59:47.680
You should think of it this way, dah, dah, dah.

1132
00:59:47.680 --> 00:59:48.640
So that it just.

1133
00:59:49.120 --> 00:59:49.600
So, yeah.

1134
00:59:49.600 --> 00:59:53.960
When we get triggered by people not validating us or there's an invalid feeling,

1135
00:59:53.960 --> 00:59:59.280
that's a heart thing with us where it's, it's to me, that's tied with our identity.

1136
00:59:59.840 --> 01:00:00.000
Okay.

1137
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.840
and our worth and our value.

1138
01:00:02.840 --> 01:00:07.000
And so again, it's processing that with the Lord

1139
01:00:07.000 --> 01:00:09.120
is where do you get your identity from?

1140
01:00:09.120 --> 01:00:12.320
Okay, that's coming up in my life all over the place now.

1141
01:00:12.320 --> 01:00:14.680
Yeah, and so it's, you know,

1142
01:00:14.680 --> 01:00:17.280
yes, we want people that we care about

1143
01:00:17.280 --> 01:00:19.000
and we, you know, enjoy being around.

1144
01:00:19.000 --> 01:00:21.400
We want them to feel like they're partnering with us.

1145
01:00:21.400 --> 01:00:23.520
We want them, you know, we wanna feel like

1146
01:00:23.520 --> 01:00:25.840
we're significant to them and they're significant to us.

1147
01:00:25.840 --> 01:00:28.600
Like we want that validation, we want that.

1148
01:00:28.680 --> 01:00:31.600
But when it becomes a,

1149
01:00:31.600 --> 01:00:33.960
I'm not getting what I want from them,

1150
01:00:33.960 --> 01:00:36.880
they're not validating me the way I want to be

1151
01:00:36.880 --> 01:00:39.680
and then it makes you feel a certain way,

1152
01:00:39.680 --> 01:00:42.120
that's where that's the identity thing.

1153
01:00:43.520 --> 01:00:46.560
Not everyone is going to validate us.

1154
01:00:46.560 --> 01:00:48.920
There's times my husband doesn't always validate me.

1155
01:00:48.920 --> 01:00:51.960
I mean, he does a lot of the times,

1156
01:00:51.960 --> 01:00:53.640
but there's things where I'm like,

1157
01:00:53.640 --> 01:00:56.520
he doesn't have to agree with me all the time.

1158
01:00:56.520 --> 01:00:58.120
He doesn't have to.

1159
01:00:58.120 --> 01:01:00.040
And I don't have to take offense to it.

1160
01:01:00.040 --> 01:01:01.760
I just know it.

1161
01:01:01.760 --> 01:01:04.800
And him not agreeing with me on one thing

1162
01:01:04.800 --> 01:01:06.600
or not validating me on something

1163
01:01:06.600 --> 01:01:08.960
does not measure his love for me

1164
01:01:10.320 --> 01:01:13.480
or measure the love I have for myself.

1165
01:01:13.480 --> 01:01:15.400
Does that make sense?

1166
01:01:15.400 --> 01:01:18.240
Yeah, this was a dad thing, so I have to deal with that.

1167
01:01:18.240 --> 01:01:20.800
Yeah, I would say these types of things

1168
01:01:20.800 --> 01:01:24.520
are probably surfacing because there's a deeper

1169
01:01:25.360 --> 01:01:30.360
heart healing that the Lord wants you to discover.

1170
01:01:30.520 --> 01:01:33.320
And so it's spending time with him.

1171
01:01:33.320 --> 01:01:35.840
And ladies, this is good things to unpack

1172
01:01:35.840 --> 01:01:38.760
because dating is going to do this.

1173
01:01:38.760 --> 01:01:43.680
Be prepared for some of this stuff to surface.

1174
01:01:44.840 --> 01:01:46.360
And it doesn't have to be scary.

1175
01:01:46.360 --> 01:01:47.800
We're here on your side.

1176
01:01:47.800 --> 01:01:49.680
Like I said, we're your cheerleaders.

1177
01:01:49.680 --> 01:01:51.720
We're here to walk it through with you.

1178
01:01:51.760 --> 01:01:55.760
There's, you know, I went through all sorts of stuff.

1179
01:01:55.760 --> 01:01:57.920
I go through even stuff now.

1180
01:01:59.000 --> 01:02:03.720
We're here to come alongside you and partner with it, okay?

1181
01:02:04.640 --> 01:02:06.800
So thank you so much, Elaine.

1182
01:02:06.800 --> 01:02:08.040
All right, we're going to get through.

1183
01:02:08.040 --> 01:02:09.520
I'm going to probably have to extend my time

1184
01:02:09.520 --> 01:02:12.400
just a little bit because we got more.

1185
01:02:13.480 --> 01:02:15.800
And I want to allow time for you ladies.

1186
01:02:15.800 --> 01:02:18.720
All right, Mary, short, brief, powerful, please.

1187
01:02:18.720 --> 01:02:19.960
Yeah, absolutely.

1188
01:02:19.960 --> 01:02:22.520
Because I actually think you've already answered

1189
01:02:22.520 --> 01:02:23.360
some of my questions.

1190
01:02:23.360 --> 01:02:24.320
Okay, good.

1191
01:02:24.320 --> 01:02:26.920
See, that's even better when some of those things

1192
01:02:26.920 --> 01:02:28.920
answer themselves for other people.

1193
01:02:30.480 --> 01:02:32.560
Well, since last week, there was a man

1194
01:02:32.560 --> 01:02:34.920
that has been in touch with me who lives one hour away,

1195
01:02:34.920 --> 01:02:36.920
which is really good because last week,

1196
01:02:36.920 --> 01:02:38.920
some men from Argentina were getting in touch

1197
01:02:38.920 --> 01:02:40.160
and I'm all the way in Scotland,

1198
01:02:40.160 --> 01:02:42.240
so not very close to Argentina.

1199
01:02:43.880 --> 01:02:46.400
But this man is interesting

1200
01:02:46.400 --> 01:02:49.880
because he actually looks a bit like my ex-husband.

1201
01:02:50.800 --> 01:02:53.840
And that's not overly bothering me,

1202
01:02:53.840 --> 01:02:55.760
but it keeps kind of coming up

1203
01:02:55.760 --> 01:02:57.480
every time I look at his picture.

1204
01:02:57.480 --> 01:03:00.560
And it's basically just communicating

1205
01:03:00.560 --> 01:03:04.680
on Christian Connection dating website at the moment.

1206
01:03:04.680 --> 01:03:07.320
And he seems interested in me

1207
01:03:07.320 --> 01:03:08.600
and he's asking things about me.

1208
01:03:08.600 --> 01:03:10.760
And then last night, he sent me a song.

1209
01:03:10.760 --> 01:03:12.720
It was a Hillsong worship song.

1210
01:03:13.600 --> 01:03:15.240
And that was the first time he kind of brought

1211
01:03:15.240 --> 01:03:17.560
kind of God into things over the last few days,

1212
01:03:17.560 --> 01:03:20.080
which I liked because he-

1213
01:03:20.080 --> 01:03:22.640
Have you had a video date with him yet?

1214
01:03:22.640 --> 01:03:23.600
Not yet, no.

1215
01:03:23.600 --> 01:03:24.640
So it's only been a few days.

1216
01:03:24.640 --> 01:03:28.360
So I kind of, he actually sent me a message today

1217
01:03:28.360 --> 01:03:31.920
saying he was having a hot shave today

1218
01:03:31.920 --> 01:03:33.480
and because he has a beard.

1219
01:03:33.480 --> 01:03:35.880
So I asked him, is your beard gone?

1220
01:03:35.880 --> 01:03:36.800
Let's have a video call.

1221
01:03:36.800 --> 01:03:37.840
I want to see your beard.

1222
01:03:37.840 --> 01:03:38.680
I didn't say that.

1223
01:03:38.680 --> 01:03:39.520
Okay, good.

1224
01:03:39.520 --> 01:03:41.520
Oh, I haven't said that, but I wanted to say that,

1225
01:03:41.520 --> 01:03:42.360
but I'm kind of-

1226
01:03:42.360 --> 01:03:43.640
Definitely, I do want to encourage you,

1227
01:03:43.640 --> 01:03:45.440
especially when we got the long distance

1228
01:03:45.480 --> 01:03:49.880
and especially when men are starting to send us things

1229
01:03:49.880 --> 01:03:54.880
that especially that entice our spiritual, like intimacy,

1230
01:03:56.720 --> 01:03:58.560
I want you making sure

1231
01:03:58.560 --> 01:04:01.600
that you're getting face-to-face connection.

1232
01:04:01.600 --> 01:04:05.040
So we don't fall into this infatuation

1233
01:04:05.040 --> 01:04:08.120
with the idea that you're actually in front of them.

1234
01:04:08.120 --> 01:04:10.440
Is it possible, excuse me for just a minute,

1235
01:04:10.440 --> 01:04:12.880
I realized my computer is about to die

1236
01:04:12.880 --> 01:04:14.000
and I need to plug it.

1237
01:04:15.800 --> 01:04:20.800
Oh, is it possible for him to come and visit you?

1238
01:04:25.800 --> 01:04:27.320
Sorry, I didn't hear you, Carla.

1239
01:04:27.320 --> 01:04:30.320
Is it possible for him to come and visit you?

1240
01:04:30.320 --> 01:04:32.680
Yeah, it would be because he lives one hour.

1241
01:04:32.680 --> 01:04:33.800
We live one hour apart.

1242
01:04:33.800 --> 01:04:34.640
One hour.

1243
01:04:34.640 --> 01:04:35.600
Okay, good.

1244
01:04:35.600 --> 01:04:38.880
Yeah, definitely get that video chat with him

1245
01:04:38.880 --> 01:04:40.600
sooner rather than later.

1246
01:04:40.600 --> 01:04:43.760
And then if within the three weeks,

1247
01:04:43.800 --> 01:04:46.960
if you could try to figure out a way for y'all to meet up.

1248
01:04:46.960 --> 01:04:47.800
Yeah.

1249
01:04:47.800 --> 01:04:49.000
Okay, I kind of cut you off.

1250
01:04:49.000 --> 01:04:51.080
I want to make sure I got your question though.

1251
01:04:51.080 --> 01:04:53.280
No, definitely, definitely.

1252
01:04:53.280 --> 01:04:54.320
Because it was bizarre

1253
01:04:54.320 --> 01:04:55.920
because after I sent a message last night,

1254
01:04:55.920 --> 01:04:58.640
I had a dream that Jackie came to my house

1255
01:04:58.640 --> 01:05:00.480
and was talking to me.

1256
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.200
to me about it, about leaving the past behind and things. So it was very interesting.

1257
01:05:06.320 --> 01:05:11.120
That's one thing I also see again, like I write these things down and I need to kind of go back.

1258
01:05:11.840 --> 01:05:17.680
When you were sharing about this man looking very similar to your former husband, like,

1259
01:05:17.680 --> 01:05:24.480
and I had just kind of talked with Elaine about, I want you to start asking yourself and processing

1260
01:05:24.480 --> 01:05:31.040
what feelings surface when that thought comes. Yeah. And let's, let's make sure there's your

1261
01:05:31.040 --> 01:05:40.800
healing there. Okay. Cause believe it or not, ladies, like men are going to remind you of

1262
01:05:40.800 --> 01:05:53.840
formers. Like that will happen. Y'all like, even it's, it even reminds me of a time, like not even

1263
01:05:55.120 --> 01:06:02.400
about relationships, but a little insider info. My husband is widowed. Okay. And so he was in

1264
01:06:02.400 --> 01:06:07.200
a marriage. It was a very toxic marriage. They were married for 11 years before she passed.

1265
01:06:07.760 --> 01:06:14.240
She had some mental health conditions. It was a really toxic marriage. And so there was stuff that

1266
01:06:14.240 --> 01:06:22.480
he worked through and heals through. But obviously I have two bonus children, like that had a mother,

1267
01:06:22.480 --> 01:06:29.920
an earthly biological mother. And my daughter misses her dearly. Like she had a bond with her.

1268
01:06:29.920 --> 01:06:36.720
And so I encourage, I mean, I never am like, I'm going to replace your mom. Like that's just not

1269
01:06:36.720 --> 01:06:42.240
going to happen. But I'm now your, your mom here on earth. You have a mom in heaven. You have a mom

1270
01:06:42.240 --> 01:06:52.400
here on earth and she has pictures of her. Okay. And at first I was like, it was fine, but then

1271
01:06:52.400 --> 01:06:56.800
it would rub me the wrong way. Believe it or not, there was a woman that I was coaching in this

1272
01:06:56.800 --> 01:07:03.120
community. This was like over a year ago, her photo came up on the zoom and she looked exactly like my

1273
01:07:03.120 --> 01:07:10.080
husband's late wife. And you know, like God had to work on me in that because it was something

1274
01:07:10.080 --> 01:07:16.560
that God was revealing to me that I needed to work on what my feelings were in regards to

1275
01:07:17.600 --> 01:07:23.360
this woman who was married to my husband and was my children's mother.

1276
01:07:24.880 --> 01:07:30.960
There was some stuff I had to sort through within my heart. So don't be surprised when

1277
01:07:31.040 --> 01:07:36.480
people will remind you of someone, use it as an opportunity to ask the Lord,

1278
01:07:36.480 --> 01:07:43.200
is this happening? Because I need to heal something like what feelings are surfacing.

1279
01:07:43.200 --> 01:07:47.920
Maybe they're good feelings. And then that's just, that's good. Maybe it's some scare,

1280
01:07:47.920 --> 01:07:54.240
fearful and anxious feelings. Then let's address that too. Thank you. Good.

1281
01:07:54.240 --> 01:08:04.320
Yes, it is. Dating is hard work continued. Yes, yes, yes. All right. Michelle,

1282
01:08:04.320 --> 01:08:08.640
Vern, Tina. And then I'm going to butcher your name again. I'm going to Amaka.

1283
01:08:10.160 --> 01:08:15.360
Okay. Got it. Okay. Michelle, she's coming on camera. Hey girl.

1284
01:08:15.360 --> 01:08:23.920
Yeah. Well, I don't have any questions to ask yet. But I do want it. I wanted to share something

1285
01:08:23.920 --> 01:08:31.439
I thought that I did that was really good that I know I need more help. One. The other day I

1286
01:08:31.439 --> 01:08:37.439
had gone into the bakery. And I noticed a guy pulling up in a beautiful car. And I'm like,

1287
01:08:37.439 --> 01:08:43.600
oh, that's a beautiful car. I went to reach for the door to get inside the bakery.

1288
01:08:43.600 --> 01:08:49.760
And the guy said, Hey, no, let me. And I was, I know I'm like, Ooh, is he my husband? No,

1289
01:08:49.760 --> 01:08:56.800
just kidding. Hey, it's nice. I thought it was nice to it. It's been such a long time since

1290
01:08:57.680 --> 01:09:05.680
that's happened. And so I said, well, thank you. And I walked in. I had just come from working out.

1291
01:09:05.680 --> 01:09:12.240
So I looked a hot mess. So lesson learned, you could still be cute working out. So now I got

1292
01:09:12.240 --> 01:09:16.640
to fix myself as I go to work out because you just never know who you might meet. So that was

1293
01:09:16.640 --> 01:09:21.600
one lesson that I learned. After he opened the door, I turned around. I'm like, Oh, I like this

1294
01:09:21.600 --> 01:09:29.040
tall glass of milk right here. Like he looked good to me. And so I thanked him. I said, wow,

1295
01:09:29.040 --> 01:09:33.680
people don't really do that anymore. I really appreciate that. He mentioned something, you know,

1296
01:09:33.680 --> 01:09:40.880
this generation, they don't, they're not privy. They don't know to open the door for a lady.

1297
01:09:41.520 --> 01:09:48.000
And then after he said that, he escorted me like to place my order, but I didn't,

1298
01:09:48.000 --> 01:09:56.720
I needed to see what if they had any gluten-free scones. I didn't know. I said, um, thank you,

1299
01:09:56.720 --> 01:09:59.920
but I'm not quite ready yet. And then he placed his

1300
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.960
order. And I think he would have paid for it. Like he took his wallet out to pay for

1301
01:10:03.960 --> 01:10:08.940
it, but I took too long. It was okay. And then he just stood there and I had, I laughed

1302
01:10:08.940 --> 01:10:18.480
at myself. I'm like, Jesus, what else am I supposed to say? I had nothing else, but anyway,

1303
01:10:18.480 --> 01:10:26.440
that was that, that was good. I love it. So this reminds me, it's just a reminder of something

1304
01:10:26.440 --> 01:10:31.720
that we coach you ladies to do. And sometimes we'll do it as an activation is to start practicing

1305
01:10:31.720 --> 01:10:38.780
smiling at men. Yeah. Practice smiling at them. I'll ask them for help. Let them open

1306
01:10:38.780 --> 01:10:43.520
doors for you. And you're right. That does not happen often. Y'all I don't, I think it's

1307
01:10:43.520 --> 01:10:50.920
a Texas thing. Okay. Not that it didn't happen to me in Florida, but apparently in Texas

1308
01:10:50.920 --> 01:10:55.300
and this, my husband will tell you it is a Texas thing that men in Texas are taught to

1309
01:10:55.300 --> 01:11:03.940
open doors for women. And I'm like, is it just in Texas? But I mean, to the point, like

1310
01:11:03.940 --> 01:11:07.660
I am not allowed to open the car door and like, sometimes I have to get in the hot car

1311
01:11:07.660 --> 01:11:10.500
and I'm like, okay, honey, you're gonna have to walk faster over to this part because it

1312
01:11:10.500 --> 01:11:17.100
is hot and you need to start it because it's blazing here in Texas. But yeah, like that

1313
01:11:17.100 --> 01:11:23.660
doesn't happen often. And, and you'll be surprised, like it will spark men. Like you'll see the

1314
01:11:23.660 --> 01:11:31.020
joy that they get from being able to help out a pretty lady, like smile at them, engage

1315
01:11:31.020 --> 01:11:41.980
with them. Um, Michelle, like in the future, don't hesitate to drop a hanky. You know what

1316
01:11:41.980 --> 01:11:47.420
that was? I mean, you know, if he was going to pay for you and he didn't, he probably

1317
01:11:47.420 --> 01:11:51.420
was trying to, you know, and it's not like you were asking him to pay and you know, you

1318
01:11:51.420 --> 01:11:57.740
really were trying to like see what you could order. Um, or, and you could even said like,

1319
01:11:57.740 --> 01:12:01.980
I'm not quite ready. I have to, I have to see if they have anything gluten-free. I have

1320
01:12:01.980 --> 01:12:05.900
to choose a gluten-free item. Just letting him know that because then maybe it'll be

1321
01:12:05.900 --> 01:12:09.820
like, Oh, and then maybe he would have asked the clerk, Hey, what do you, what gluten-free

1322
01:12:09.820 --> 01:12:14.860
items do you have? And been able to kind of start spark a conversation. Don't beat yourself

1323
01:12:14.860 --> 01:12:21.500
up for not doing it. Okay. Like don't do that. Just lessons learned of don't be afraid

1324
01:12:21.500 --> 01:12:27.180
to engage in conversation, which it sounds like you, you were already doing. And then,

1325
01:12:27.900 --> 01:12:34.300
um, you know, just say, Hey, are you sticking around? Are you sitting, are you waiting for

1326
01:12:34.300 --> 01:12:40.620
somebody? Um, and if he was alone, you'd be like, I'm alone too. Would you mind, um,

1327
01:12:41.580 --> 01:12:49.500
joining me after I order? There was someone in the car and I couldn't tell if it was a female

1328
01:12:50.300 --> 01:12:57.660
or male, I couldn't tell. And, um, I just let that be like, wow, you actually had a conversation.

1329
01:12:57.660 --> 01:13:01.500
That was big for you. Yeah. I was gonna say, take that as a huge win and be,

1330
01:13:01.500 --> 01:13:07.740
be mindful of those opportunities and ladies it's, it's okay. If, if a gentleman is doing

1331
01:13:07.740 --> 01:13:11.660
something nice and you're intrigued and you want to get to know them more, you know, obviously I

1332
01:13:11.660 --> 01:13:17.180
always look to see, okay, do they have a ring? But my husband doesn't wear a ring, you know? Um,

1333
01:13:17.180 --> 01:13:22.860
he actually can't wear the metal, like any of the metals that he's allergic to them for whatever.

1334
01:13:24.300 --> 01:13:30.220
Um, and we have to get a fitted, like silicone one that fits him better. But you know, if you

1335
01:13:30.220 --> 01:13:35.740
see that he doesn't have a ring, you just be like, you know, I apologize if I'm being too forward,

1336
01:13:35.740 --> 01:13:43.020
but are you single? And if they're like, no, I'm not single, I'm married or no, I'm like,

1337
01:13:43.020 --> 01:13:49.020
oh, okay. You know what? Your, your woman is lucky to have you. You're such a great gentleman.

1338
01:13:50.060 --> 01:13:55.340
Like you can, you don't like men don't have to be offended to that. Women do not have to

1339
01:13:55.340 --> 01:14:02.940
be offended at like, I'm perfectly fine. If a woman wants to kind of drop a hand to my husband

1340
01:14:02.940 --> 01:14:11.260
and my husband just is like, Hey, I am married. Like nothing hurts in asking. I'm not going to

1341
01:14:11.260 --> 01:14:15.820
shoot a woman just because she finds that my husband has attracted him. And as a gentleman,

1342
01:14:16.380 --> 01:14:21.660
I actually find that appealing. I don't need to take offense to it because I know my husband is

1343
01:14:21.660 --> 01:14:25.340
going to leave me. I know he's not going to cheat on me. I know any of that. Okay. That's

1344
01:14:25.340 --> 01:14:31.020
security that I have. Okay. But here's the thing. If he is single and he says, yeah, I'm single,

1345
01:14:31.980 --> 01:14:38.140
would you mind if I share my number with you? I would love to get to know you better.

1346
01:14:39.180 --> 01:14:42.940
I see that you have somebody in the car and I don't want to keep you from them,

1347
01:14:43.660 --> 01:14:46.940
but if you ever want to grab coffee, why don't you give me a call?

1348
01:14:49.420 --> 01:14:55.260
You see how that, that works. And I know it's scary and it is,

1349
01:14:55.260 --> 01:14:59.900
it might take a couple opportunities, you know, missed opportunities.

1350
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.640
to build the courage. But I want to give you ladies the encouragement. It doesn't

1351
01:15:05.640 --> 01:15:11.960
have to look a certain way. It can be whatever it is. And if there's

1352
01:15:11.960 --> 01:15:16.600
certain fears that are coming up again, ladies, this is hard work stuff. If fears

1353
01:15:16.600 --> 01:15:22.400
start surfacing at these ideas, maybe it's God giving you an invitation to go

1354
01:15:22.400 --> 01:15:27.920
deeper into what that fear is and what God says about it. But Michelle, thank you

1355
01:15:27.920 --> 01:15:32.480
so much for sharing. I love it. Thank you. Keep smiling. Keep looking good. Keep

1356
01:15:32.480 --> 01:15:38.520
going to the gym. And like, you know, let men open doors for you ladies. Let them

1357
01:15:38.520 --> 01:15:44.280
be chivalrous. Because I can guarantee you the more women that allow men to do

1358
01:15:44.280 --> 01:15:49.920
that, the more we're gonna see it. I really do believe a lot of it has to do

1359
01:15:49.920 --> 01:15:57.360
with women. Women have made men to be the bad guys and we have beaten the man

1360
01:15:57.360 --> 01:16:02.040
down so badly that men don't know if they can actually operate in their

1361
01:16:02.040 --> 01:16:07.240
divine masculinity anymore. And it takes us women that are in our divine

1362
01:16:07.240 --> 01:16:11.280
feminine, which if you haven't watched that video, it's your second video.

1363
01:16:11.280 --> 01:16:18.480
Actually, it's the third. Divine feminine. All right? Be okay to step in your divine

1364
01:16:18.480 --> 01:16:23.600
feminine so men can operate in their divine masculine. All right? And some of

1365
01:16:23.600 --> 01:16:29.120
you might even need to ask yourself, do I even like men? What area does God want

1366
01:16:29.120 --> 01:16:35.240
to heal in your heart if you don't like men? And some of you have reasons why you

1367
01:16:35.240 --> 01:16:42.320
shouldn't like men. I get it. I had a lot of men treat me really, really poorly. But

1368
01:16:42.320 --> 01:16:45.320
I had to heal through that. God had to take me through a lot of healing and

1369
01:16:45.320 --> 01:16:51.200
showing me that wasn't his divine masculine. That was men that were coming

1370
01:16:51.200 --> 01:16:56.680
from broken places. And I had to let go of that. I had to forgive. And I had to

1371
01:16:56.680 --> 01:17:05.440
trust that God had a good man for me. And he brought my husband and he is the most

1372
01:17:05.440 --> 01:17:11.920
amazing man on the planet. Like there is not a more perfect man for me than my

1373
01:17:11.920 --> 01:17:18.920
husband. And I am grateful that I waited the 40 years for him. It was worth the

1374
01:17:18.920 --> 01:17:25.200
wait. It was a hard wait, but it was worth it. All right, Byrne, what you got

1375
01:17:25.200 --> 01:17:25.840
for us?

1376
01:17:26.240 --> 01:17:26.760
Thank you.

1377
01:17:27.400 --> 01:17:31.720
Okay. Hello, this is my first time joining the group.

1378
01:17:32.000 --> 01:17:33.240
Welcome.

1379
01:17:34.360 --> 01:17:41.160
And I'm really excited. I just want to get some clarity. So I didn't start when

1380
01:17:41.160 --> 01:17:45.280
the group started, I guess maybe July 1, or something like that, when when the

1381
01:17:45.280 --> 01:17:46.120
group might have started.

1382
01:17:46.520 --> 01:17:51.840
We're just continuing. Yeah. So women come in here at all different times. So

1383
01:17:51.840 --> 01:17:56.360
we'll have women that will come into this phase next week, and the week after,

1384
01:17:56.520 --> 01:18:00.480
and the week after that. So we don't kind of do this cycle, like everybody's on

1385
01:18:00.480 --> 01:18:06.040
week one, you all pace videos on your own time. And then here is when you come

1386
01:18:06.040 --> 01:18:09.600
to ask all the questions. It can be questions about the first video questions

1387
01:18:09.600 --> 01:18:13.040
about the last video on boundaries. It can be a situation that you're

1388
01:18:13.040 --> 01:18:16.680
experiencing a heart work thing that's coming up. Maybe it's a family thing.

1389
01:18:16.840 --> 01:18:19.040
Maybe it's a kid thing, whatever it is.

1390
01:18:19.840 --> 01:18:24.040
Okay. And so the question I was going to ask, because I did go through and look

1391
01:18:24.040 --> 01:18:31.000
at I was doing some things last night. And what I want to ask. So when Jackie

1392
01:18:31.000 --> 01:18:34.760
said on one of those videos, I was looking at and I think I might have came

1393
01:18:34.760 --> 01:18:38.360
in when you said something at the beginning, because I really should be

1394
01:18:38.360 --> 01:18:43.280
sleep, I work overnight. So I got to go back to work tonight. But you mentioned

1395
01:18:43.280 --> 01:18:47.200
about something about four weeks, then she then she said about the seven day

1396
01:18:47.200 --> 01:18:51.280
challenge. And I'm really excited about that, because I'm going to be brave

1397
01:18:51.280 --> 01:18:56.920
enough to jump out on social media and put myself out there. I know it's going

1398
01:18:56.920 --> 01:19:01.160
to be odd. And when people see that, because you know, they like, wow, I mean,

1399
01:19:01.400 --> 01:19:10.280
because I haven't dated in 2019, excuse me, 1996, when my son was born. So I

1400
01:19:10.280 --> 01:19:14.640
actually had not been dating on a real in a real date. I've talked to a couple,

1401
01:19:14.760 --> 01:19:18.200
but but anyway, so I'm really excited about it. So I wanted to make sure so

1402
01:19:18.200 --> 01:19:22.440
right now, we're in the four weeks and we have that challenge going on right

1403
01:19:22.440 --> 01:19:23.560
there for the seven dates.

1404
01:19:23.560 --> 01:19:28.120
Yeah, there's that seven day challenge. You don't have to finish the seven dates

1405
01:19:28.120 --> 01:19:34.240
in order to move into the next phase. Okay, we ask that you are here for a

1406
01:19:34.240 --> 01:19:39.080
minimum of four to five weeks that allows you to watch one video per week,

1407
01:19:39.440 --> 01:19:45.400
and spend time processing one video at a time. Pray about it, journal it, ask the

1408
01:19:45.400 --> 01:19:50.520
Lord to reveal things to you that he wants you to focus on. Come to the live

1409
01:19:50.520 --> 01:19:56.280
calls as many as you can. Prayer call Supernatural Saturday, engage in the

1410
01:19:56.280 --> 01:20:00.040
community show up. Let us get to know who you

1411
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.320
are. And then after four or five weeks, if you feel like, you know what, I feel good. I, you know,

1412
01:20:06.320 --> 01:20:12.720
I don't feel like I need to stay here. I can go ahead and move over. Now, most women stick around

1413
01:20:12.720 --> 01:20:18.320
longer than four to five weeks. And that's totally fine. Like some women want just a few dates under

1414
01:20:18.320 --> 01:20:24.320
their belts to kind of walk through, or they want to, they don't want to date for the first four to

1415
01:20:24.320 --> 01:20:29.920
five weeks when they're, you know, watching all the content, they just want to absorb it. They

1416
01:20:29.920 --> 01:20:35.680
want to hear other women. They want to learn from it. And then they want to kind of dip their toe

1417
01:20:35.680 --> 01:20:40.880
in and go on a date or two, however you want to pace. This is completely up to you. So if you're

1418
01:20:40.880 --> 01:20:46.720
excited about the seven day challenge, you let's do that social media. I do it. I think there was

1419
01:20:46.720 --> 01:20:52.800
a couple ladies who made the post and they were good, you know, and, and ladies, I know Jackie

1420
01:20:52.800 --> 01:20:59.280
talks about a template for the social media thing. There's really not a template in time with Holy

1421
01:20:59.280 --> 01:21:06.720
Spirit asking him, what should I say here? All right. I say, keep it short, simple, brief, you

1422
01:21:06.720 --> 01:21:13.040
know, let people know, Hey, I'm in, you know, I've been working on myself lately. I'm in this great

1423
01:21:13.040 --> 01:21:21.600
community of women and, you know, I have a dating coach and she is encouraged me to be bold and step

1424
01:21:21.600 --> 01:21:28.880
out and let the people that I love and care about most know that I am single Pringle ready to mingle.

1425
01:21:28.880 --> 01:21:35.680
And, um, you know, if you know anybody that loves Jesus and would be a good match, please just

1426
01:21:36.240 --> 01:21:42.960
introduce them to me and be praying for me during this time. Like sometimes it's just getting the

1427
01:21:42.960 --> 01:21:50.160
prayers of people. Yeah. Just seeing where it takes you. Okay. Thank you so much. And yes,

1428
01:21:50.160 --> 01:21:54.240
I've been in a group since I've been in a group since March. I did all of, you know,

1429
01:21:54.240 --> 01:21:59.920
the hard work and all of that. And then I actually met Jackie at, um, the SD experience. Um,

1430
01:22:01.760 --> 01:22:06.800
okay. So I've seen photos of you. I'm on there somewhere. I was the one on the boat

1431
01:22:06.800 --> 01:22:11.360
at the birthday part that it was actually my birthday during that time. So it really,

1432
01:22:11.360 --> 01:22:16.720
it really worked out well. Okay. Thank you so much. Awesome. Oh yes. Ladies always keep an eye

1433
01:22:16.720 --> 01:22:21.600
out on that stuff. Always check the resources page. That was really exciting. I remember that

1434
01:22:21.600 --> 01:22:25.840
originally that trip was supposed to be in a different country. And I remember looking at me

1435
01:22:25.840 --> 01:22:32.080
like, I can't make it to Mexico. Like I had a Mexico trip with my husband prior and I'm like,

1436
01:22:32.080 --> 01:22:37.360
there's just no way. And then it got changed to Florida and I was like, dang it. And then it got

1437
01:22:37.360 --> 01:22:43.120
sold out super quick. I'm like, dang, I would have loved to an excuse to get myself back to Florida.

1438
01:22:43.840 --> 01:22:49.040
For you ladies that don't know, that's originally where I was living. I grew up, I was born and

1439
01:22:49.040 --> 01:22:55.600
raised in Indiana. And then in my twenties, I moved to Sarasota, Florida. And I was like,

1440
01:22:55.600 --> 01:23:00.800
I'm not leaving Florida. I'm not leaving Florida. I don't, you know, God's going to have a husband

1441
01:23:00.800 --> 01:23:05.680
here in Florida for me. I had to surrender the pen. That's why I think it took a little,

1442
01:23:05.680 --> 01:23:11.200
little longer for me because there was just, again, I was like Sandy mentioned, you know,

1443
01:23:11.600 --> 01:23:16.880
she's, she's got some control issues, ladies. I have control issues. I wanted to control that

1444
01:23:16.880 --> 01:23:24.320
so badly. But when I released the pen yeah, my husband dropped into my DMS and I thought he

1445
01:23:24.320 --> 01:23:29.680
lived in Florida and he didn't, he lived in Texas, but Jackie was like, you need to venture out.

1446
01:23:29.680 --> 01:23:35.760
And I took her advice and my love story was written. So now I'm in Texas, but I, there's

1447
01:23:35.760 --> 01:23:41.280
still just, there's a little bit of Florida always going to be part of my heart. So I'm

1448
01:23:41.280 --> 01:23:47.760
glad you got to experience it. What a treat. Hey, Tina, how are you? Hi, doing great.

1449
01:23:48.560 --> 01:23:56.160
I went on my first date and it went well. We're going to meet, meet again. We have,

1450
01:23:56.160 --> 01:24:03.600
we have quite a bit in common. But just a testimony, like I'm going to start crying.

1451
01:24:03.600 --> 01:24:11.280
I am so thankful for last year's single in the ministry. Like, I don't know if I ever would have

1452
01:24:11.280 --> 01:24:17.760
even tried online dating. I might've, but it would have been horrible. And just, you know,

1453
01:24:17.760 --> 01:24:22.240
the support and the context and listening to all these wonderful stories that everybody's sharing.

1454
01:24:22.960 --> 01:24:29.680
I'm actually enjoying it, even though it's like a kind of a bleep show. You can go through a lot

1455
01:24:29.680 --> 01:24:36.240
of, yeah. And I'm just finding myself just, you know, I'll, I'll see a profile and I'll want to

1456
01:24:36.240 --> 01:24:45.040
pray for somebody, you know, I'll X and I'll go to the next guy, but yeah, it has just been super,

1457
01:24:45.040 --> 01:24:54.880
super helpful. And even just having like the, the, I guess the, the heart posture and the mindset,

1458
01:24:54.880 --> 01:24:59.840
we're just going for coffee. There's no expectations and I get to.

1459
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.520
Get out and do some socializing, you know, and if it turns into a second date or more

1460
01:25:05.360 --> 01:25:06.680
like

1461
01:25:06.680 --> 01:25:10.400
I'm totally fine with that. I've got an open hand and

1462
01:25:11.240 --> 01:25:17.680
So, yes, I just want to thank you. It's it's so good. So good

1463
01:25:17.680 --> 01:25:21.440
oh, we love we love hearing those testimonies and and

1464
01:25:22.520 --> 01:25:29.560
It just warms my heart because I experience the same thing. It's why I do what I do. It's why I'm here

1465
01:25:29.560 --> 01:25:33.400
it's why I show up it's why I want to be here because

1466
01:25:35.160 --> 01:25:40.020
It it's a blessing it really really is and being able like

1467
01:25:41.000 --> 01:25:44.880
Being able to give back to you ladies. What was given to me is

1468
01:25:45.640 --> 01:25:53.000
Super powerful and humbling for me. And so, you know this community wouldn't be the community without you Tina

1469
01:25:53.680 --> 01:26:00.400
Without anybody, you know without anyone like if you all were not here, it wouldn't be the community

1470
01:26:01.200 --> 01:26:03.200
Like we need each other

1471
01:26:03.640 --> 01:26:11.080
We help each other grow. We support each other. We lift each other up like Latina said ladies your stories impact

1472
01:26:12.200 --> 01:26:13.880
each other

1473
01:26:13.880 --> 01:26:19.200
It gives strength in times where we might not feel like we have the strength to do it

1474
01:26:19.240 --> 01:26:26.000
It gives us encouragement to be bold to step out in faith to do things that we normally wouldn't do and

1475
01:26:27.120 --> 01:26:32.920
That's what's so powerful here. It's it's I'm telling you. It's more than just finding a husband

1476
01:26:34.120 --> 01:26:36.120
totally ladies if you

1477
01:26:36.640 --> 01:26:38.640
allow yourself

1478
01:26:38.760 --> 01:26:42.800
To really embrace and take in and absorb

1479
01:26:43.480 --> 01:26:45.680
What can be offered here? You're gonna get

1480
01:26:46.520 --> 01:26:48.520
Something so much more valuable than a husband

1481
01:26:49.320 --> 01:26:51.320
Don't get me wrong husband's nice

1482
01:26:51.960 --> 01:26:55.000
but there's so much fruit here and

1483
01:26:56.200 --> 01:27:01.080
when you embrace it and you walk through the process and you just

1484
01:27:01.760 --> 01:27:06.160
you know, like I said you absorb it you embrace it you just and you show up and

1485
01:27:07.440 --> 01:27:10.360
it it powerful things happen and

1486
01:27:11.360 --> 01:27:17.280
I love testimonies like that. I love it when you ladies come on and share with us

1487
01:27:17.800 --> 01:27:19.800
What this program has done?

1488
01:27:20.360 --> 01:27:23.160
It reminds me what this program's done for me, too

1489
01:27:24.040 --> 01:27:29.840
You know and gets me through hard days because believe it or not marriage can sometimes have some challenges

1490
01:27:30.520 --> 01:27:38.000
But I remember like it was worth it. It was so so worth it and God can do so many amazing things and

1491
01:27:39.000 --> 01:27:44.040
I'm just I'm so thankful for all of you and Tina. I'm so thankful for you sharing that I

1492
01:27:44.720 --> 01:27:49.320
Love hearing these stories. I want you to continue to keep letting us know about these dates

1493
01:27:49.760 --> 01:27:54.680
Keep us keep us in the loop. All right, always let us know the tea

1494
01:27:56.000 --> 01:27:58.000
Yeah, I'm sure. Thank you

1495
01:27:58.440 --> 01:28:00.440
All right

1496
01:28:01.040 --> 01:28:03.040
Amaka did I do that, right?

1497
01:28:03.560 --> 01:28:05.560
Yes

1498
01:28:05.560 --> 01:28:07.800
Please let me know if I'm butchering it

1499
01:28:09.000 --> 01:28:11.000
Are you so?

1500
01:28:11.400 --> 01:28:15.360
Let's definitely get your question. I know we're over time, but I'm gonna I'm gonna allow you the opportunity

1501
01:28:16.640 --> 01:28:24.080
Because you've been so patient and I know you've been sharing a lot on the post on the app and about some of your anxious

1502
01:28:24.640 --> 01:28:27.160
Attack. Yeah, so I don't know if that's what your questions about

1503
01:28:28.520 --> 01:28:36.240
But yeah, it is related for sure. I don't have the best internet. Can you hear me? I can hear you. Yes

1504
01:28:37.240 --> 01:28:39.800
I get perfect. It's definitely related

1505
01:28:39.800 --> 01:28:46.240
I think the last two weeks is face to my anxiety levels has just been like higher than

1506
01:28:46.640 --> 01:28:49.040
I've had in a couple of months

1507
01:28:49.840 --> 01:28:51.560
and

1508
01:28:51.560 --> 01:28:57.640
Obviously, it's not fun. I don't like it and then I was supposed to hang out with someone today and they had something

1509
01:28:57.640 --> 01:29:04.400
So they had to cancel which makes sense. But in that moment, I just thought myself having a meltdown which in hindsight, I'm like

1510
01:29:04.920 --> 01:29:06.920
Why that was totally unnecessary

1511
01:29:08.480 --> 01:29:13.720
But I found myself thinking oh this person has an avoidant attachment style just like my ex-fiance

1512
01:29:14.120 --> 01:29:16.920
and they're not gonna show up and they're gonna like

1513
01:29:17.440 --> 01:29:20.640
love you in their own terms and all of that stuff, but

1514
01:29:22.680 --> 01:29:28.120
But I don't know like how to heal from that because I thought I had in the heart work

1515
01:29:28.680 --> 01:29:31.960
Until now that I'm trying to date again

1516
01:29:32.480 --> 01:29:34.480
I'm gonna just start

1517
01:29:34.600 --> 01:29:40.960
Pushing some more feelings up, which is totally normal. Okay, I think I shared in one of those posts like I

1518
01:29:42.280 --> 01:29:45.320
have experience with the anxious and

1519
01:29:46.320 --> 01:29:50.040
Even avoidant I I get the pleasure of having both

1520
01:29:50.800 --> 01:29:55.920
I'm both avoidant and anxious. So I have some experience with that for sure

1521
01:29:57.880 --> 01:29:59.880
The biggest thing that and I

1522
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.120
expressed I think in the in the reply back to you is really spending some time

1523
01:30:06.120 --> 01:30:11.880
with Holy Spirit and asking and processing through like what are the

1524
01:30:11.880 --> 01:30:20.160
core beliefs that I am feeling like what is coming up with this feeling is making

1525
01:30:20.160 --> 01:30:27.680
me believe what you brought up something about a former so it would be

1526
01:30:27.680 --> 01:30:34.720
I would I would encourage you to spend some time even you know again asking God

1527
01:30:34.720 --> 01:30:40.280
some good questions of like where is this surfacing what am I believing about

1528
01:30:40.280 --> 01:30:46.080
relationships what in my past relationship has made me align with this

1529
01:30:46.080 --> 01:30:52.160
belief that's causing me fear and anxiety so one thing that I'm kind of

1530
01:30:52.160 --> 01:31:02.720
feeling and sensing is you do you feel like you're valuable

1531
01:31:05.600 --> 01:31:10.040
honestly I spent some time with the Holy Spirit last night and one of the lies

1532
01:31:10.040 --> 01:31:16.200
he revealed to me was I feel deep down that I'm not good enough for someone to

1533
01:31:16.200 --> 01:31:20.680
be in a relationship with someone so I wrote that down last night and then I

1534
01:31:20.680 --> 01:31:24.680
wrote God's truth and the idea is to read that over myself the next couple of

1535
01:31:24.680 --> 01:31:31.120
days but I think that's definitely one of the roots forces of what's happening

1536
01:31:31.120 --> 01:31:36.000
and also the relationship I was talking about ended about two months ago and

1537
01:31:36.000 --> 01:31:39.840
we're supposed to get married so I don't know if I should be dating yet

1538
01:31:39.840 --> 01:31:47.280
because that can take place and I and ladies everybody comes into this phase

1539
01:31:47.280 --> 01:31:53.960
at different stages you know and so don't ever feel like if dating is

1540
01:31:53.960 --> 01:31:59.840
causing you a lot of fear right now or some things are surfacing it's not

1541
01:31:59.840 --> 01:32:05.760
mandatory that y'all are dating in this space all right so spend some time with

1542
01:32:05.760 --> 01:32:09.040
Holy Spirit ask them if you know is this something that I'm supposed to be

1543
01:32:09.040 --> 01:32:14.960
doing and are some of these feelings of anxiousness starting to surface as

1544
01:32:14.960 --> 01:32:19.720
you're getting the idea of dating people and getting out there and being worried

1545
01:32:19.720 --> 01:32:29.640
about not being good enough I think it's perfectly normal for you to have this

1546
01:32:29.640 --> 01:32:35.040
concern of not feeling like you're worth it because you were engaged and

1547
01:32:35.040 --> 01:32:42.560
then that's not happening were you the one that ended it or did he end it

1548
01:32:42.880 --> 01:32:51.920
she ended it yeah yeah so yeah I want it's okay to spend some time to process

1549
01:32:51.920 --> 01:32:58.280
through that I believe that God wants to show you just how valuable and worthy

1550
01:32:58.280 --> 01:33:09.440
you are and it's okay to just sit and go and enjoy life what kinds of things

1551
01:33:09.440 --> 01:33:17.120
do you do for yourself what do you like to do I like the spa I like going to the

1552
01:33:17.120 --> 01:33:24.920
movies going to the gym food restaurants yeah yeah definitely you know

1553
01:33:24.920 --> 01:33:30.080
prioritize doing those things do you have a community of friends that you can

1554
01:33:30.080 --> 01:33:36.960
do those things with a couple not a lot but a couple yeah yeah get out get you

1555
01:33:36.960 --> 01:33:44.520
know connect with them are you open to expanding your friend group yeah for

1556
01:33:44.520 --> 01:33:52.560
sure maybe spend some time focusing on that and grounding yourself and again

1557
01:33:52.680 --> 01:34:00.120
asking Holy Spirit to show you where your worth lies and giving you experiences

1558
01:34:00.120 --> 01:34:06.440
that actually show you just how valuable you are that you are worth it read

1559
01:34:06.440 --> 01:34:15.480
scriptures like Proverbs 31 just comes to mind you know that's the and once you

1560
01:34:15.480 --> 01:34:20.280
start speaking that stuff over yourself it's interesting you said because I was

1561
01:34:20.280 --> 01:34:25.840
taught Proverbs 31 a lot like in Sunday school and all of our stuff and I just

1562
01:34:25.840 --> 01:34:30.280
don't really like that passage because it was kind of thought in a very

1563
01:34:30.280 --> 01:34:34.360
interesting way of like women have to do everything they have to hold the home

1564
01:34:34.360 --> 01:34:40.880
together that's how I was thought yeah I'm thinking there is some there's some

1565
01:34:40.880 --> 01:34:51.960
healing and some revealing that wants to happen here that there's I'm trying

1566
01:34:51.960 --> 01:34:55.040
to figure out how I'm going to say this

1567
01:34:55.480 --> 01:35:00.080
there are times in our lives whether we were kids or even as adults young

1568
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:07.680
adults, old adults, where sometimes when we're taught Scripture, it's through false lenses.

1569
01:35:10.320 --> 01:35:16.720
Either it's, and I don't ever think, a lot of times I don't think pastors mean for it to come

1570
01:35:16.720 --> 01:35:24.480
through as a lens. I do think at times the enemy can come in and construed and make us

1571
01:35:26.320 --> 01:35:29.680
believe things differently than what they really are. Does that make sense?

1572
01:35:30.720 --> 01:35:37.840
Where we get this false understanding of what God actually intended for that Scripture.

1573
01:35:39.600 --> 01:35:47.440
So I would encourage you spending some time with that Scripture and really

1574
01:35:48.800 --> 01:35:55.040
going to the Lord about what bothers you about it and if that's actually what God means by it.

1575
01:35:55.600 --> 01:36:02.720
Yeah. Maybe there's some lies that got placed in there about that Scripture.

1576
01:36:04.720 --> 01:36:08.960
Yeah, that's helpful. Have you watched the Divine Feminine video yet?

1577
01:36:09.920 --> 01:36:16.960
Yes, I have. I thought it was really helpful. Yeah. Maybe re-listen to that some and really

1578
01:36:16.960 --> 01:36:23.920
sit with some of that. Yeah. One of the things you said was asking the Holy Spirit for

1579
01:36:24.880 --> 01:36:31.840
experiences that shows my what? What would that look like? Are you talking about spiritual

1580
01:36:31.840 --> 01:36:41.760
experiences or natural? When I say that, it's just being open to the invitation of God just

1581
01:36:41.760 --> 01:36:49.680
revealing things to you. It's a way that you're asking God, okay God, I need you to speak to me

1582
01:36:49.760 --> 01:37:01.360
and so it puts you more on alert to be hearing. I think it's in some content somewhere. It could be

1583
01:37:01.360 --> 01:37:09.200
in phase one content where we did a How to Hear from God by Bethany Hicks. So I'm going to have

1584
01:37:09.200 --> 01:37:16.480
to look through and see if it should be available to you ladies. I don't think it's in our Love

1585
01:37:16.480 --> 01:37:24.320
Story Accelerator content. It might be in the phase one content, but it's for you just to be

1586
01:37:24.320 --> 01:37:32.480
in tune and listening for Holy Spirit just to show you things and he'll show you however it

1587
01:37:32.480 --> 01:37:37.840
is that he wants it and it will mean something to you and you'll grab hold of it. But it's just

1588
01:37:37.840 --> 01:37:42.800
being open. I mean like, okay Lord, I need you to show me. I need you to give me experiences. I need

1589
01:37:42.800 --> 01:37:50.640
you to bring to light what my worth is. How do you see me, Lord? I want to see myself through the

1590
01:37:50.640 --> 01:37:57.360
eyes that you see me. That's a powerful prayer ladies. I did that early on. I did that. I had

1591
01:37:57.360 --> 01:38:03.120
that prayer before I found this community and this community was actually an answer to that prayer

1592
01:38:03.120 --> 01:38:09.120
because it was in the heart work that I actually began to start being able to believe

1593
01:38:10.080 --> 01:38:16.240
that God had the ability to show me what he thought about me and that it was good.

1594
01:38:18.000 --> 01:38:25.040
Yeah, one last thing. Sorry to interrupt. One last thing. I find that in my career,

1595
01:38:25.040 --> 01:38:30.640
spiritual life, I don't struggle with that. But in my love dating life, it's different. I

1596
01:38:30.720 --> 01:38:39.760
think I struggle a bit more. It's asking God to reveal those roots.

1597
01:38:41.120 --> 01:38:44.480
Where do those roots are so that I can get more fruit in this area?

1598
01:38:49.440 --> 01:38:55.440
When you went through heart work, did you go through the heart work from your former,

1599
01:38:55.600 --> 01:39:01.920
your this walk through like some healing with the engagement ending?

1600
01:39:01.920 --> 01:39:02.880
Yeah, I did.

1601
01:39:02.880 --> 01:39:07.440
Okay. Did you do anything as far as going back to the roots of your childhood?

1602
01:39:08.720 --> 01:39:09.220
Yes.

1603
01:39:09.840 --> 01:39:17.840
Yeah. Sometimes that like just spending some time with that as well will be good as well. But

1604
01:39:18.560 --> 01:39:26.480
don't feel like you have to rush through this phase. Sit here, soak in it, embrace it.

1605
01:39:29.440 --> 01:39:34.000
Don't rush through it. You don't have to rush into dating if you're just like, I need a little

1606
01:39:34.000 --> 01:39:41.760
more time to understand what I'm feeling anxious about. And I really think there's something to

1607
01:39:42.640 --> 01:39:50.240
this belief of not being worthy. And so I want you to start accepting that you are

1608
01:39:51.920 --> 01:39:57.280
and do the baby steps here. Just put the toe in. You don't have to go full force

1609
01:39:58.560 --> 01:40:00.000
where it's making

1610
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.200
can you want to cut and run? Right? I have experience with

1611
01:40:05.200 --> 01:40:10.680
that I was I was I was the cut and run because I too, had some

1612
01:40:10.800 --> 01:40:17.720
areas in my identity of not being worthy of things. And once

1613
01:40:17.760 --> 01:40:22.260
I sat with it and walk through the process and engaged in this

1614
01:40:22.260 --> 01:40:27.760
community, I began to just love myself more and see the value

1615
01:40:28.040 --> 01:40:30.640
and knew that there are people out there that would value me

1616
01:40:30.640 --> 01:40:31.120
too.

1617
01:40:33.720 --> 01:40:34.360
Thank you.

1618
01:40:34.560 --> 01:40:38.760
You're welcome. All right, ladies, it's been such a blast

1619
01:40:38.760 --> 01:40:42.440
such a pleasure. If I did not get to a question, you didn't

1620
01:40:42.440 --> 01:40:45.000
get your hand raised and you had a question, maybe it was in the

1621
01:40:45.000 --> 01:40:50.520
chat, definitely post it in the the community app so that we can

1622
01:40:50.520 --> 01:40:56.120
see it myself or Ebony can answer it. I quickly see. Yeah,

1623
01:40:56.120 --> 01:41:00.720
the Bethany Hicks, I will see if I can't find that again, I it

1624
01:41:00.720 --> 01:41:05.760
might be in phase one material. If not, it might be in phase

1625
01:41:05.760 --> 01:41:09.280
three. So it might be something and if it's in phase three, and

1626
01:41:09.280 --> 01:41:12.520
you all don't have access to it, I'll reach out to Bethany and

1627
01:41:12.520 --> 01:41:17.680
see if we can't get that posted. For you all to watch in a

1628
01:41:17.680 --> 01:41:21.520
replay, it was probably in a replay somewhere. So I will put

1629
01:41:21.520 --> 01:41:26.640
that on my to do's. And ladies, again, such a pleasure. I look

1630
01:41:26.640 --> 01:41:29.520
forward to seeing y'all next week. I look forward to seeing

1631
01:41:29.520 --> 01:41:32.560
y'all in the app. Make sure you're posting your questions

1632
01:41:32.960 --> 01:41:38.040
and your wins and testimonies all of it. We love to hear it.

1633
01:41:38.040 --> 01:41:42.520
We love to see it. And then if you can make tonight's call as

1634
01:41:42.520 --> 01:41:46.400
well, you can have a double dose. Ebony will be on tonight.

1635
01:41:46.400 --> 01:41:51.920
She is a fun person. I know because I've spent time with

1636
01:41:51.920 --> 01:41:57.640
her before. She's actually come to my house to visit. She is a

1637
01:41:57.640 --> 01:42:00.640
good time. Okay, so if you want to just you don't have anything

1638
01:42:00.640 --> 01:42:04.240
planned for tonight, and you want a good time. Ebony is your

1639
01:42:04.240 --> 01:42:09.000
good time. Okay. All right, ladies. Take care. Love you all.

1640
01:42:09.000 --> 01:42:10.280
We'll see you next week.