WEBVTT

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All right, so I'm going to go through housekeeping really quick because we need to hear it.

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So I want to reassure you guys, those who are just coming to phase two, no pressure

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on the seven day challenge.

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There is not a requirement for you to move to phase three, advance or do anything.

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It's just a challenge to get you pumped up and ready to roll.

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I will tell you after your first date, they just kind of start rolling.

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And if it didn't happen the first day, the second day, it's just kind of, usually if

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you get a date, most of the times you've kind of let your guards down and you've stopped

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being so selective, meaning drilling everything, right?

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And then you've kind of opened up some, and then once you open up some, you do start dating

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more guys.

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Ideally, most of the time, if you relax yourself, if you don't, if you stop believing that every

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man you talk to is your husband, you tend to relax.

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Once you get over the idea that this man that I just clicked on is my husband, how much

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does he make?

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How much does he love Jesus?

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I must find out right now because these are the prerequisites for me to invest because

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I will not waste my time.

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Once you get past that woman in your head, you're going to start going on dates because

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you're going to find that there are a lot of people out there in this world.

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All right.

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Let me see.

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I have it here on my little notes.

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It's usually printed out.

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Let's talk about what we do in this phase really quickly.

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I'm going to try to be through by 7.05.

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This is phase two.

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There are three levels to dating.

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Even when you move to phase three, there's still three levels to dating as Jackie has

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defined it.

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Level one is when you first meet somebody.

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Hello.

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How are you?

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You exchange the first message on social media, whatever you're talking about.

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Level two is when you start active communication, you go out on a date.

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This phase lasts, if you keep talking to the same person and you like them, up to 90 days.

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By the time you get to 90 days, which is three months, you want to define the relationship.

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The relationship is not defined when he tells you, I'm not dating anyone else but you.

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Oh, well, that has nothing to do with you.

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When a man says this, it will pull on you and be like, oh, if he's not talking to anybody,

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I shouldn't say that I'm dating multiple people.

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That may make me look bad.

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Those are a lot of thoughts that you're going to have, but just because somebody makes a

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statement to you that they're not dating anybody else but you, that man has not opened

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up his mouth and asked you to go exclusive with him.

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What he did is throw something out there and it should just be getting thrown out into

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the wind and blown way past you because that is not him asking you to be exclusive with

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him.

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That is not him defining the relationship.

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That's not what that is.

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All right.

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You want to give it a good 90 days before you go exclusive.

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You get to 90 days, we want the man to leave, but if you're at third, three months and if

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he hasn't said anything, you're going to have to get some definition because you're not

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going to waste your time.

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Somebody should know what they want at that point.

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If you've been talking to somebody that long, you should have built some type of connection

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with them, if that makes sense.

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And then phase three is once you go exclusive, I mean level three, sorry.

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Level three is once you go exclusive with that person.

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This is when you are saying, I'm evaluating you as a spouse.

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That means some of the things, you're going to always have the foundation.

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If you decide to go exclusive with somebody, they must have a foundation.

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They must be mature, masculine and marriage minded.

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If you're going to take yourself out the market to be in a relationship with them and them

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only, then they need to have three M's.

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You shouldn't have gone that far with them into three months if they don't have that.

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You know what I'm saying?

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We could have, should have discovered some of those things along the way.

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Level three dating is when you're in an exclusive relationship, you are now having more intimate

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conversations.

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You are now having more intimate conversations.

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You are getting to know each other's community.

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All of this exchange is happening.

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We always encourage on level one and level two that you are not physically intimate with

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each other, that you're not kissing, holding hands, physical touch, kissing, holding hands,

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all of those things, they produce something.

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It's called cloudy vision.

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It's not just in this program, it is science.

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You should research it.

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I've done it before.

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I've done it several times.

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It does the same thing every time.

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Because when a woman kisses a man, it releases something called oxycodone.

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There's something is that feel good,

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that you feel good all down on the inside.

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That's why you want to kiss,

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because you want to know if they can kiss

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and how good it feel.

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I mean, that's how it works, right?

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But if you do this stuff ahead of time,

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it really does hinder your ability

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to make wise decisions about the connection.

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And so it kind of blurs everything.

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So you want to be mindful of that.

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And then, you guys know this,

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and oh, I see, I was going to be through a 7.05,

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I'm going to be through a 7.10.

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Hard work continues into every phase of your life.

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You don't stop doing hard work.

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You just get to keep healing.

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And once that layer comes back, you keep healing.

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Once that layer comes back, you keep healing.

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Because guess what?

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You guys, we've lived our,

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we've been trained in whatever is happening in our life.

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We were raised under these things.

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And so that's just how that works.

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And don't ever feel, a lot of times,

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a lot of women post it,

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they feel some feelings of disappointment

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because you were triggered.

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The fact that you recognize that you were triggered

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says that you're healthier than you were.

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It is the recognition of a pattern

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that tells you you're doing well.

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You were never supposed to go through something

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and not ever see that thing again.

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The only way that me or Bethany or anybody else

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can help you is because when that thing came again,

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we were able to apply a new law.

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So we operated the old way at first.

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We figured out what was happening in us.

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We see that thing again and we said,

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I know you, I've seen you before.

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You're no longer a part of me.

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I don't live under the law of anger anymore,

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but I do direct anger to get out of my life.

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I do tell this anxiousness where you're gonna go

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because I'm no longer anxious anymore.

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It doesn't matter if I feel anxious.

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I recognize the feeling

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and now I have wisdom to help me in this situation.

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And I'm gonna apply the wisdom that I now have.

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And so when I ever want you to feel disappointed

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because you have a trigger, it's not about the trigger.

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It's about what you do when the trigger comes.

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And even if you feel like you blow it, who cares?

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You are a learner.

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You carry the heart posture of a learner, of a student.

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Trust me, you won't do the same thing every time

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for the rest of your life.

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That's just not how that worked

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if you're applying principles.

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Everyone's story and pace will look different

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in this community.

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I've talked to you guys about this before.

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I just wanna tap on this again.

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How I coach Heaven will be different

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from the way that I coach Martina.

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Based on who they are, where they are,

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what's their starting place

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and what they need to spend a little more time in.

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Our coaching is guardrails, not hard rules.

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Guardrails are things that keep you safe.

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If you apply them, they will help you greatly.

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We know that they help

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because we watched it over and over and over again.

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And then you don't need our permission, you guys.

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We're just here to help catch your blind spots.

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Why do we say this?

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You may think, well, I don't need you to give me permission.

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Well, what happens is when you're in a program

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and a program gives you guide,

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gives you different guardrails to go by

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or they teach you a healthier way to do things in life,

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sometimes we can feel like,

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okay, this is what we're supposed to do

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and when we don't meet the mark, we feel bad.

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So if we said level one, level two dating,

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we really encourage you not to have any physical contact.

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You go out, you feel like, oh, I'm gonna do things my way,

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which we do through things our way

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until our way doesn't work anymore.

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You know, you were kissing, y'all were rubbing,

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thankful, a little bit too far.

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The next week, he break your heart.

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You don't wanna come tell the community

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because you feel bad

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because they told you don't do that anyway.

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And then you done did it and you thinking,

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they told me don't do it and I did it.

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I'm not finna tell them nothing because what?

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I ain't gonna look stupid.

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You know, you may have some thoughts like that.

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Come to the community anyway.

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You're gonna feel so powerful when you get it out

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and trust me, everybody, including yourself

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is gonna learn.

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I learned some hard, hard lessons.

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Hard, hard lessons.

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Very hard, hard lessons.

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My hard lessons in dating and men

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are not far from your hard lessons

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because I was once too a student.

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So women are pretty much the same, right?

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Across the board.

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In certain particular ways and areas,

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especially if culture coached us on how to do dating

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in which most of us are coached by culture.

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And in culture, physical comes first,

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not the development of relationship.

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And that's why we get and sit down with somebody

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and talk fast as we can and share everything we know

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because you haven't learned the order of connecting

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in a...

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an organic way because it's not widespread and most of us can grow up in homes and we're never

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taught how to date. The reason why we're never taught how to date because our parents weren't

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taught how to date. You don't know how to select quality people. The only marriage you know is the

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marriage you grew up in and who knows if that was God's way of doing marriage. The only way you've

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ever seen conflict is the way they handle conflict. So if they handle conflict by stonewalling,

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arguing, shutting down, that's what you know. You can't help what you know.

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So you have to learn a new way of doing things. And let me see. I went on about the time.

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We're going to be your greatest cheerleaders. Trust me, we are not judging you.

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Nobody's judging you. And we're going to have to have hard conversations

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because that's just a part of it. You know, if you're in anything and somebody's not having

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hard conversations with you, if you have relationships and somebody you don't ever

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fall out with your friend, that may not be your friend because it hasn't been tested yet.

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Everything must be tested. You must be uncomfortable. You must be offended. You

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need to learn how to deal with offense. You have to learn how to take the meat and spit out the

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bone. You have to know when somebody, something, a program, a book carries more wisdom than you

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and recognize it and grab it at all costs. That is a principle of life that you should adopt.

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Let me tell you, there are some times I don't particularly prefer people, but if I know they

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got something that I need, I don't care what I think about them. I don't walk around, I just

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don't like their attitude. Who cares about their attitude? That's how I am. I want the good.

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And if somebody carries something that is going to be beneficial to my

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development and growth, I can look past a lot of things to get it. I'm not talking about

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crazy stuff, but sometimes you just don't jive with a person. You don't mean they don't carry

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something good. That make sense? All right, last thing. I just got to say these things. You guys,

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I know this is a true thing. Sometimes when we come into phase two, we're like,

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where are the men? I need to get to the phase where the men are. They're already gone through

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the hard work and I just want to get to the men. I want to encourage you ladies to take your time

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in phase two. Go through the dating process. I don't care if there's a man when you get to

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bless your single community on that group with you, it's not going to change that you're going

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to know how to date this man. It's not going to change that you're going to have to know how to

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use boundaries. But somehow we believe because somebody's in the same program that we're in,

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that they are some quality of what? What if they're Russian just like you?

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All the stuff you missed along the way, they missed along the way too.

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They still come from a different background. They were raised in a different household. They still

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have their own things. I'm just telling you, enjoy this phase. We're not trying to gatekeep you.

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We're really not. We want you to go there. But I want you to enjoy this phase. I'm telling you in

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this phase is this community is not as big as the next community you're about to go into, which is

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absolutely amazing. It is. But if you want to get there so badly because it's already pre-planned

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men waiting, which is kind of like Amazon, right? I hear you. I hear you on that. But this part of

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the program is very beneficial to you. And it was my most favorite part at hands down. I like

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hard work, but I liked phase two. It changed my life. Dating changed me forever. Seriously. Okay.

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I'm going to stop talking now. I just want y'all to know we ain't gatekeeping. Slow down,

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ma'am. Slow down. You're going to be married to deaf do you part. All right.

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Slow down. And then I want you to get over there and that man ain't good for your picking.

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And then you're going to be like, oh man. Don't try to come back over here to me. No, I'm just

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laying. All right. What you got for me tonight? Questions, hands go for it.

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Oh my goodness. I have been waiting to talk to you all week.

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Wait a minute. Who's that talking? It's Mandy.

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What? Mandy Jacoby.

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I'm trying to find you on the screen. Can you see me?

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No, but it's okay. Just start talking. All right. I don't know why I didn't do that, but okay.

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You'll be next Lenina. Sorry about that.

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Oh, I'm sorry. Did I cut her off? She can go next.

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Okay, go ahead, man. You're talking now. That's why I was like, did you raise your hand? Because

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it didn't pop up. I did not raise my hand. You say go ahead. So I did. It's okay, girl. Go for it.

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I'm so sorry. Okay, I'll be really, really quick. Okay, so you told me last week, you said you

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better get on a date and do something and stop looking at these men like they're your husband.

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So I was like, Okay, so I did that. And I just made sure as long as they said they're Christian,

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I'm just gonna go ahead and assume that they're telling the truth, right? Anyway, I went on my

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first like, I call it a meeting, because this is nothing but meeting a brother in Christ right now.

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And so I went on my first meeting yesterday. And yeah, it was really interesting. And at first,

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it was good. And then at the end of the night, it was terrible. And so anyway, this man is like

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literally talking about marriage, like on FaceTime, like the night that we just met for like two

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hours, it went a little over but time flew by because it was a good conversation. But anyway,

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he FaceTimed me and I guess I need healthier boundaries. I shouldn't have answered but I felt

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like obligated. So I answered and then I was like up really late on the phone with him. And then

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I mean, he's like legit talking. I don't know. It was just a lot of control kind of talk. Like,

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I'm all about submitting to my husband. And I'm actually I look forward to submitting to my

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husband. Like, that's nothing that scares me. But it was more like, that was a big part for him.

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Like the woman has to submit and you can't be out of role and all these different things. And

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then was telling me how he was gonna like, parent my kids. And it was crazy that I was like, I didn't

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talk to him. And this stuff is wild. So anyway, I have made up my mind. But I wanted to run it by

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you before I told him that I'm just not interested. Is that you think that's okay?

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Well, look, yes. Okay. It's always okay to end things later because you have an intuition.

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Oh, my goodness.

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Right. And so there's some things you're going to end because you may be running because you're

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in avoiding or you're judging harshly. But it's always good to run about a community. But within

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yourself, you know, when something's just like overwhelming. But I just want to say,

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can we give her a hand for a date? Mandy, the look on your face. I was like, she ain't gonna

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do nothing. I see. It was the look like you gave me like, yeah. And I was just like, oh, man.

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She ain't gonna do it. And I'm so glad your date was so good that that joker got home and

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wanted to FaceTime you. He's like, I got me a live one.

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Wow. And he is, it was a small world. He lives in Knoxville, where I live. And he actually plays

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drums at the worship night at my church. So I was like, oh, so it was I mean, he doesn't go to my

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church, but he it's just a different anyway, a different kind of type of community. But yeah,

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he's not it doesn't seem like he just knows what he's doing with his life. And yeah, he's been

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divorced for a year and a half. And I just feel like, yeah, because of the heartwork, I'm seeing

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he's just not healed. And I'm almost I'm just a rebound because he hasn't healed from his past.

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And so I was like, thank you, heartwork for letting me see these red flags, because at first

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they were yellow. But at the end of the night, I was like, oh, these are red, these turn red quick.

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So when he said he wanted to give me another give give give me another example of something else he

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said. Um, okay, he Well, something else that he mentioned was this the pain for dates, which I

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thought was like really soon because we didn't even I bought my own smoothie. So I was like,

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I, you know, which is fine. I got there first. And I went ahead and bought it. So he didn't feel

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like he needed to buy it because I didn't want him thinking anything anyway. But he was just

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talking about how it's not fair, when women just expect things and all this stuff. So I felt like

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that was a little bit of a yellow flag, it would have been red back in the day, because I don't

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know, I feel like I have gotten a little soft in that area. But yeah, I think it was mainly like,

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examples on how he would parent my kids just really rubbed me the wrong way. I don't. Yes.

305
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When y'all talked about dating, were y'all talking about how dating sucks?

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He made that comment about me have to always pay?

307
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No, he just brought it up.

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Hmm. Okay. And what did he say about parenting your kids? So Mandy, I'm asking you these

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questions so that we could hear what you said those red flags are so us as ladies can hear

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those things. And, and so we could practice judging these thoughts ourselves. But when

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somebody says this, like, what do we hear? So everybody's hearing what you're saying.

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And right. So what do you say about your kids?

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He's a talker. So I honestly didn't do a lot of talking, which I enjoyed in a way,

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because I didn't have to, I feel like men copy off of me easily and just tell me what I want to hear.

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And so I felt like that was nice. But then also, he just made a comment, like,

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he does a lot of for example, like, oh, for example, if this happened, like, it's almost

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like he's not really living in reality. But he was just like, let's say they don't want to your

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kids don't want to do this. How I would handle it is, I would do blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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And I'm like, okay, like, you don't even have kids, bro. You know? I don't know. Now I just

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was like, Oh, that's a great idea. I never thought of that. But in my head, I'm just like,

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okay. And so I found out that he was married to a woman with three children. So he feels like he

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knows how to parent. So that made more sense at the end of the night. Still don't really know why

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the reason was for his divorce. But we shouldn't even have got that far. Because we shouldn't have

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been on the phone so late. So I need to work on those types of boundaries. Yeah, no, man.

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I think that was so good. Thank you for sharing. I'm excited. I think you get it. It's time for

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you just let him know that. I don't know how you're gonna say I would, like, you know, it

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would be nice if you told him that you weren't interested without letting him know every fault

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that he had. So he can you don't want to create a conversation where he's like, well, I want to

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say this because this one said that, you know, but more like, hey, you know, thank you for your time

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and getting to know you was definitely an interesting experience. I realized that when we

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got into those deeper topics, that was overwhelming for me. And for me, I wasn't ready for that.

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And I didn't recognize that. I want you know, it was great getting to know you, but we're not going

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to further any conversations. Okay, I don't want to go any further with this. Yeah, he also made

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fun of people that wait to kiss on their wedding day. I started laughing. I'm on FaceTime. So I

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can't hide my facial expressions. Yeah. And I started laughing. And I was like, well, you're

336
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making fun of me because I'm that person, actually. And you're like, oh, and try to go back.

337
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So anyway, I appreciate your advice. Thank you. Oh, yeah, you're welcome. Um, and let's just say

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I just want to bring this out because coaching is his time for this. This is the time for these

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ladies. I want you to hear now they're gonna be ladies that get on here and say,

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all he did was talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. He didn't want to know anything about me.

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That's the stance. And then you hear Mandy say, I really enjoy him doing all the talking.

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Can you see how when a woman comes to a man and say be like this, that every man experiences a

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different one women differently. Every woman has some type of way that she wants this man to be.

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So if he had a man who he likes for me to ask him the question to even out the talking.

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Who likes that? Raise your hand. Right. So you would have came away from this day saying what

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he don't do nothing but talk about himself. He didn't give me a chance to say anything.

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And then if he had asked you could say, well, you know, you don't you didn't ask me questions,

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you didn't let me talk. And then he could have dated Mandy a month before and she just never

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talked, talked, talked, talked, talked, talked. And so here you have a man that every woman is

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like they're just so different or to have these temperaments about, you know, sometimes we have

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like we want it just the right way. That makes sense. And you think this one man is supposed

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to meet all of these demands that you already these preset expectations. I'm only bringing

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that out to say, let's let people show up as they are and make a decision from who they say they are

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and not be offended by who they are, but just let them be who they are.

355
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Right. Okay. And what he did was he's never been coached before, but men, when they want a wife,

356
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I haven't learned from being this program. When they sit down, they say everything up front.

357
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If they got PTSD, if they've been married two times, cause in their mind, they're like,

358
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we're getting it all out on the table. If you want me here, it is. Can you accept it? Oh,

359
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you can, we can keep going. That's how they feel. Because a lot of times the load of dating is on

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the man and he's having to pay for these dates that you go on. Most men will pay for dates.

361
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And it's like, well, let me just tell you.

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I spent all this money in you spend this money us going out. I'm getting connected to you. This is who I am

363
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Do you want me or not?

364
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Can y'all hear that kind of in exchange when everybody's kissing he kept talking kept talking kept saying everything they have this mass

365
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I'm just gonna put it up specially me and who want a wife

366
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Usually it's just like BAM. Here you go. Now. Does that mean you're supposed to accept that?

367
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No, that means you're supposed to stop them when they're talking. Oh

368
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Excuse me. I don't mean to cut you out

369
00:25:29.760 --> 00:25:36.280
But this information is of just a bit more than I'm ready for right now. We can talk about these things later

370
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If we get there we can discuss these more personal things. I'm not comfortable right now

371
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I just want to get to know each other

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So I have a question for you if you could be any superhero, who would it be and why?

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You don't have to wait till somebody gets to the end of sharing how many divorces they've been in if they got

374
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PTSD or whatever going on with a mama they sustained a little cousin because trust me by the time they're done

375
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You're gonna run for the hills

376
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You don't know that their heart is kind you don't know that the reason why they're taking care of their mom and maybe it's cuz

377
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They're the only child like you don't even get to see that man because he's up like he's uploaded so much

378
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And yeah, you're gonna run for the hills who wouldn't run you should run with somebody lay out all of it to you

379
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Okay, just want to add that to that. All right

380
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Good job, Mandy. Let us know about the second date Lenina. Oh

381
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I'm pretty I want to update from you too. Can you raise your hand?

382
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Can you hear me

383
00:26:38.940 --> 00:26:40.940
Yep, go ahead Lenina

384
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Already, so I'm gonna tell you first of all that I am ready to be in this

385
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Stage I want to practice practice practice because practice makes perfect

386
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Right, and I don't want to assume my husband is here because I want to have it down right for one and do it

387
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Right for that time. So I want all the practice I can get that being said

388
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After last week, I put up my profile and it was like

389
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It was like a whirlwind I like it's been

390
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non-stop, but

391
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I'm like at first I was like a kid in a candy store. I was like

392
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Yes, yes. Yes, and then it's like it's too much to keep up

393
00:27:29.540 --> 00:27:35.860
I was like should I have a spreadsheet should I have the spreadsheet label with age kids? No kids

394
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This is how my brain works, right?

395
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And I was like girl, this could be your whole life if you let this overwhelm you so let me reel it back

396
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Let me reel it back

397
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Let me pick the top two and three and see what kind of investment they ready to give right? I've kept it shallow

398
00:27:52.780 --> 00:27:59.380
I've kept it. What's your favorite color the movies the music all of that little stuff

399
00:27:59.780 --> 00:28:06.740
All of that stuff, but you get that in like these tiny little pieces and I feel like sometimes I'm like

400
00:28:06.860 --> 00:28:10.540
Pushing and like I don't have time to reel nobody in

401
00:28:10.820 --> 00:28:17.180
So I feel like I want to have a dear John letter ready to go and be like look. I

402
00:28:17.940 --> 00:28:25.000
Am ready to make some friends if you are ready to make some friends, please continue

403
00:28:25.000 --> 00:28:30.380
But if you want a booty call or this or that I'm not asking for a ring

404
00:28:30.380 --> 00:28:33.180
I just want a friend if not check no

405
00:28:34.100 --> 00:28:40.660
Delete me because I feel like I could get very very sucked into this and I don't want to I want to practice

406
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I want to get to a date that being said

407
00:28:44.460 --> 00:28:49.300
What is the timeline? How do you what is the timeline for chat to video?

408
00:28:49.980 --> 00:28:54.120
To to date like what is that timeline because I want to follow it

409
00:28:54.640 --> 00:29:00.220
So you want a date if you're going online for business, this is what happens you accept somebody you like them

410
00:29:00.220 --> 00:29:04.540
They like you back you reach out to them right then I send a message right then

411
00:29:04.540 --> 00:29:10.580
I ain't about this stuff waiting on you to send me a message. Hi. I've noticed something on their profile

412
00:29:10.580 --> 00:29:15.340
I make a comment about something on their profile. I ask them how the day is doing. I keep it simple

413
00:29:15.340 --> 00:29:18.300
Don't make a long pair here. I'm gonna say hey, how's your day going?

414
00:29:18.300 --> 00:29:20.940
Oh, hey, how was work today something like that, right?

415
00:29:20.940 --> 00:29:28.780
I'm being they're gonna respond and then we're gonna respond I exchange for maybe this is not in protocol in the this

416
00:29:28.780 --> 00:29:33.780
Not laid out like this in some teaching. I'm just saying how you get to a date in a week

417
00:29:34.380 --> 00:29:36.380
If you want to be the captain of the ship

418
00:29:36.620 --> 00:29:42.460
Yes after one day of conversing back and forth with them. It is hard for me to converse with people in apps

419
00:29:42.460 --> 00:29:48.300
That's very challenging for me. I can't do that life. So I'm a little bit more BAM BAM

420
00:29:48.300 --> 00:29:50.300
I just want to add these disclaimers in

421
00:29:50.660 --> 00:29:54.660
So day one you're chatting with them back and forth day two you're chatting with them

422
00:29:54.660 --> 00:30:00.060
Day two it's like hey, you sound like a really great person to get to know what you

423
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.400
Be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee or if you feel better doing a video chat first

424
00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:10.960
Would you be interested in doing a video chat with me just one and then they're gonna say something yes or no

425
00:30:12.320 --> 00:30:15.140
So you so let me say it again. Would you be interested?

426
00:30:15.840 --> 00:30:21.280
So i've enjoyed getting to know you I have an idea. Um, would you like to do a video chat?

427
00:30:22.560 --> 00:30:23.760
If so

428
00:30:23.760 --> 00:30:28.000
Let me know the reason why I tell them to let me know because I want their buy-in

429
00:30:28.880 --> 00:30:33.600
Right, right. I want to know that they agree every step of the way to what we're doing

430
00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:36.400
And so they're gonna say yes or no

431
00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:36.880
Or what?

432
00:30:36.880 --> 00:30:40.640
I don't know what they're gonna say back if they say no that they're not interested in doing a video chat

433
00:30:40.880 --> 00:30:46.800
Just say oh, okay. So there somehow their problem is going to end if they say it'll be great. Oh great

434
00:30:46.960 --> 00:30:48.960
These are the times i'm available

435
00:30:50.240 --> 00:30:56.020
I don't do this back and forth. When can you do it? Oh, when I can I do these are the times that I am available

436
00:30:58.240 --> 00:31:02.020
If you don't want to give them your number ask them to give them your email

437
00:31:02.560 --> 00:31:07.840
Or their messenger and you'll if they do the email you can set you'll send them the zoom link, right?

438
00:31:08.400 --> 00:31:13.140
If they want to you don't want to give them your number you want to do messenger say hey, let's connect over messenger

439
00:31:13.680 --> 00:31:15.440
And see how that goes

440
00:31:15.440 --> 00:31:17.280
That's your video date

441
00:31:17.280 --> 00:31:20.560
Let's say you don't want to do a video date before you meet them

442
00:31:21.120 --> 00:31:24.880
Then because after the video this will be your next line if you feel cool with them

443
00:31:25.520 --> 00:31:29.680
But if you don't want to do a video date, we're on day two of communication if you're comfortable this way

444
00:31:30.560 --> 00:31:32.560
And they live in town 60 miles

445
00:31:33.280 --> 00:31:36.340
Our way, how about we grab a cup of coffee on saturday?

446
00:31:37.440 --> 00:31:40.080
I would like to get to know you better. Would you like to grab a cup of coffee?

447
00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:42.720
Maybe saturday

448
00:31:42.800 --> 00:31:44.800
Or would you like to grab a cup of coffee?

449
00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:50.560
They're gonna say something right yes or no and when they respond back to you give them your schedule for them to choose

450
00:31:51.600 --> 00:31:53.600
Which date and time?

451
00:31:54.400 --> 00:31:56.400
And there you go

452
00:31:56.400 --> 00:31:58.160
i'm writing notes

453
00:31:58.160 --> 00:31:59.440
You don't have to feel like well

454
00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:02.240
I want to talk to them some more more more before we get to the coffee date

455
00:32:02.480 --> 00:32:06.480
You can talk to them on the coffee date, but it's what you feel comfortable with

456
00:32:07.280 --> 00:32:10.320
Mind you it matters about what you feel comfortable with

457
00:32:11.440 --> 00:32:16.240
But these are the rules that these are the guidelines that you're gonna find in the videos

458
00:32:16.880 --> 00:32:21.920
When you start dating somebody as soon as you start that talking they connect with you, right?

459
00:32:22.880 --> 00:32:25.360
Within a week you need to be on the date

460
00:32:26.080 --> 00:32:29.520
That's what's in the videos that you watch within one week. You're on the date

461
00:32:30.880 --> 00:32:37.120
If they live near if they live hour and a half two hours within two weeks, you're on the date

462
00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:41.520
If they are out of state

463
00:32:43.420 --> 00:32:45.420
Country

464
00:32:45.760 --> 00:32:51.840
It country they're gonna be tough if they are out of state and it's a if it's a flight to get to you

465
00:32:52.320 --> 00:32:56.320
You need to not talk with them more than six weeks before you see them

466
00:32:57.600 --> 00:33:03.520
Because the truth is you're gonna keep talking talking talking video chatting and you feel like you know them, but you don't know them

467
00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:08.320
You don't know a person until you experience them, but you're gonna believe that you do

468
00:33:09.280 --> 00:33:11.780
Because once you start talking and video chatting

469
00:33:12.400 --> 00:33:16.800
You you just start talking about more things then you can well you got to get to know them

470
00:33:17.120 --> 00:33:23.680
And that's a part of long-distance dating that you actually do a lot more talking and you share a lot more sooner than you would

471
00:33:23.760 --> 00:33:25.520
If you saw that person

472
00:33:25.520 --> 00:33:27.360
Does that make sense?

473
00:33:27.360 --> 00:33:31.520
So if you're gonna do long distance you want to be mindful of that you want to be ready to make sure you got money

474
00:33:31.840 --> 00:33:33.680
on deck

475
00:33:33.680 --> 00:33:36.080
Because if you end up liking them, you're gonna end up spending some money

476
00:33:38.320 --> 00:33:41.680
Unless he you know, he got that good like that. He got a lot of money

477
00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:43.120
He gonna pay for the flights all the time

478
00:33:44.080 --> 00:33:47.520
Somebody's gonna come out of some money the guy was dating was just in dallas

479
00:33:47.520 --> 00:33:50.720
Which is three hours away and we saw each other twice a month

480
00:33:50.800 --> 00:33:55.360
So I will stay friday and a saturday not with him with one of my friends that live there

481
00:33:55.600 --> 00:33:59.040
But these were expensive trips and like add up and if I couldn't stay with my friend

482
00:33:59.040 --> 00:34:00.960
I would have to get a hotel when he came here

483
00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:05.200
He would stay with someone from my church and then he would stay for more extended amount of times

484
00:34:05.200 --> 00:34:08.560
We'll get a hotel and it's just expensive. So that's just three hours away

485
00:34:08.800 --> 00:34:12.080
And so even if he was paying for his trip here paying for hotel

486
00:34:12.480 --> 00:34:14.719
Even he paid for my gas and everything for me to come there

487
00:34:14.719 --> 00:34:17.679
But when he came here, I want to make sure that he doesn't pay for any meals

488
00:34:18.159 --> 00:34:24.080
Why because of all he paid eight hundred dollars for his hotel for the for the week during the summertime

489
00:34:24.080 --> 00:34:28.800
So or he stayed, you know, like staying with somebody's my idea to find somebody from my church

490
00:34:28.800 --> 00:34:32.320
He could stay with but i'm gonna try to ease the load

491
00:34:32.960 --> 00:34:36.960
Because I have a part to play. This is not somebody i'm just at this point. We're exclusive, right?

492
00:34:37.600 --> 00:34:38.960
so

493
00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:41.840
You got to think about those things about dating long distance

494
00:34:43.040 --> 00:34:47.920
So that's a that's a good timeline. But the goal is within a week. You need to be looking at them

495
00:34:48.159 --> 00:34:50.159
You want live dates?

496
00:34:50.560 --> 00:34:52.560
Is where is it ladies?

497
00:34:54.719 --> 00:34:58.100
Live dates sounds good lanina

498
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:18.120
Yes, I'm ready. Come on. All right. Heather? Hey. Hey. Okay, so first time kind of, well

499
00:35:18.120 --> 00:35:26.920
first time talking to everyone, so hi everyone. Hey. So I, I'm a little hesitant like most

500
00:35:26.920 --> 00:35:31.120
on the online dating piece. So I thought, Hey, there's this church that I have gone

501
00:35:31.120 --> 00:35:36.600
to online for years, like pre COVID. I just listened in because I have my home church.

502
00:35:36.600 --> 00:35:41.320
I love my home church, but this is like supplemental church. So, um, and I just happened to hear

503
00:35:41.320 --> 00:35:46.820
like, Hey, two thirds of our population is single. So I went, okay, cool. There's a chance

504
00:35:46.820 --> 00:35:52.040
that maybe I could meet somebody, um, there. So went to one of the services, saw that they

505
00:35:52.040 --> 00:35:56.720
had these community outreaches. I went, okay, cool. You guys are doing meet cutes and there's

506
00:35:56.720 --> 00:36:01.680
everything from running, which I don't do unless it's from something. And, um, and they

507
00:36:01.680 --> 00:36:06.840
had swing dancing. So I went, sweet. I love to go swing dancing. So I got one of the girls

508
00:36:06.840 --> 00:36:12.640
from my community group. She was my wing woman and I got all dressed up and a bright red

509
00:36:12.640 --> 00:36:17.080
dress. There was no hiding in this dress. Like I was out there, bright red dress, matching

510
00:36:17.080 --> 00:36:22.840
sunglasses, cute little white sneakers. Like I was ready to go. Um, and admittingly one

511
00:36:22.840 --> 00:36:26.240
of my friends, uh, he was like, Hey, do you need a dance partner? Before we got there

512
00:36:26.760 --> 00:36:30.400
I said, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm hoping to meet some guys and turn one of these

513
00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:36.000
into a date. So like, I love dancing with you, but we're going to dance once and I'm

514
00:36:36.000 --> 00:36:40.960
going to send you on your way. And so he ended up not coming, which is fine. But man, I was

515
00:36:40.960 --> 00:36:45.920
ready. I had, I had, I was ready to go. Never met up with the people at the church because

516
00:36:45.920 --> 00:36:50.760
I had no idea who anybody looked like. Um, had a great time, ended up meeting three other

517
00:36:50.760 --> 00:36:55.160
girls who are also trying to find that group. There was a group of five of us. Okay. So

518
00:36:55.160 --> 00:36:59.920
set the stage group of five of us. There's one girl who just looks so uninterested in

519
00:36:59.920 --> 00:37:04.880
being there. And she was the one who consistently got picked to dance, which is just so

520
00:37:04.880 --> 00:37:12.080
frustrating because I know you guys say, Hey, like smile at people, make eye contact, chat

521
00:37:12.080 --> 00:37:17.640
them up. I was a leash baby. That has never been my problem. I talked to everybody. Um,

522
00:37:17.680 --> 00:37:24.040
never met a stranger, but this whole, like not getting picked thing is something that

523
00:37:24.040 --> 00:37:29.880
I've had like since the playground. And I'm like, I just feel like I'm wearing some sort

524
00:37:29.880 --> 00:37:34.360
of repellent and I don't know like what it is. I've asked my friends. So like, no, you're

525
00:37:34.360 --> 00:37:44.400
fun. You don't have RBF, like don't know what it is. So I know that that's, this is a lot

526
00:37:44.400 --> 00:37:48.840
that I just threw at you, but I could just use like any sort of help because I am going

527
00:37:49.080 --> 00:37:53.360
to do the online, the Facebook dating app. And I'm just going to toss the phone to my

528
00:37:53.360 --> 00:37:57.600
friends. You guys pick the first few and we'll go from there. But it's like, what type of

529
00:37:57.600 --> 00:38:04.080
repellent am I wearing? Because it really is like hurtful and annoying. And I just, I

530
00:38:04.080 --> 00:38:09.840
haven't like been in a committed relationship in 17 years. So I wasn't great at the game

531
00:38:10.600 --> 00:38:19.320
right when I was in it. And I've had some hurts circled around, um, circled around that,

532
00:38:19.320 --> 00:38:25.600
like being used as, as the, the stepping point to, to the, to the friend that they, they,

533
00:38:25.600 --> 00:38:30.960
they, they ended up marrying. So, you know, it's just, it's a pattern, like I said, pattern

534
00:38:30.960 --> 00:38:34.800
from the playground. And I, I don't, I don't know what to do.

535
00:38:35.320 --> 00:38:39.800
Right. Heather, somebody asked a really good question in the chat, you know, just being a

536
00:38:39.800 --> 00:38:41.680
lady. It was like, what does she have on?

537
00:38:42.880 --> 00:38:48.160
Oh, um, some like a, a muted dress and Chaco's.

538
00:38:48.640 --> 00:38:56.360
Oh, okay. Well, let me ask you this, did any of your winged women go over and ask any of

539
00:38:56.360 --> 00:38:59.600
the guys that you saw that you would be interested in to have a dance with you?

540
00:39:00.120 --> 00:39:06.680
So I did end up going and asking guys to dance. And it just wasn't like, I just, anybody

541
00:39:06.680 --> 00:39:09.840
who seemed like they were looking for somebody, I went, Hey, can I dance with you?

542
00:39:09.840 --> 00:39:14.400
And the only person who asked me to dance was a woman who was learning how to be a lead.

543
00:39:14.400 --> 00:39:16.160
And she made really intense eye contact.

544
00:39:16.160 --> 00:39:17.400
So like, not that.

545
00:39:19.240 --> 00:39:24.480
Okay. Yeah. So you did ask them guys and they did dance, but you're just saying nobody

546
00:39:24.480 --> 00:39:29.560
approached. Okay. Yeah. Well, that does suck, Heather, because you were very excited to go

547
00:39:29.560 --> 00:39:34.960
and you had your winged woman on, on board. Um, and I've been, I've actually sent people

548
00:39:34.960 --> 00:39:39.400
over to talk to guys for me and the one I was married and he was on the phone with his

549
00:39:39.400 --> 00:39:41.160
wife and I was like, golly.

550
00:39:43.640 --> 00:39:50.640
But these things happen, Heather, and it's no repelling on you. Um, it's just, it was a

551
00:39:50.640 --> 00:39:56.720
fun night and it didn't produce the results that you wanted. Um, but I think you did good.

552
00:39:57.400 --> 00:40:00.000
And I like that you went up and asked people to dance.

553
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.800
that you had your wing women in that.

554
00:40:02.800 --> 00:40:05.680
I just think that's how it is, you know?

555
00:40:05.680 --> 00:40:07.840
Sometimes it's a hit and miss.

556
00:40:07.840 --> 00:40:09.040
Okay.

557
00:40:09.040 --> 00:40:11.640
I don't think it's fair to say

558
00:40:11.640 --> 00:40:13.560
you be something different or better.

559
00:40:14.440 --> 00:40:15.480
Yeah.

560
00:40:15.480 --> 00:40:16.680
You know what I'm saying?

561
00:40:16.680 --> 00:40:17.520
Yeah.

562
00:40:17.520 --> 00:40:18.880
I'm sorry, Evan's going off.

563
00:40:19.920 --> 00:40:20.760
No, you're okay.

564
00:40:21.920 --> 00:40:22.740
Yeah.

565
00:40:22.740 --> 00:40:24.160
Okay.

566
00:40:24.160 --> 00:40:25.000
Yeah.

567
00:40:25.000 --> 00:40:26.080
Yeah, that's fine.

568
00:40:26.080 --> 00:40:29.360
Any, I don't know, pointers, tips,

569
00:40:29.360 --> 00:40:30.760
other than-

570
00:40:30.760 --> 00:40:31.600
Keep doing it.

571
00:40:31.600 --> 00:40:32.420
Dust yourself off.

572
00:40:32.420 --> 00:40:33.800
Yeah, dust yourself off.

573
00:40:33.800 --> 00:40:36.280
Dust yourself off, get up and keep going.

574
00:40:36.280 --> 00:40:38.880
It's so many dust yourself off in this process

575
00:40:38.880 --> 00:40:41.040
and that's why it can get tiresome.

576
00:40:41.040 --> 00:40:43.400
And it's just like, forget this stuff.

577
00:40:43.400 --> 00:40:44.240
But it don't look different.

578
00:40:44.240 --> 00:40:45.440
Get this stuff on last week.

579
00:40:45.440 --> 00:40:46.440
Then you remember you're single

580
00:40:46.440 --> 00:40:47.280
and you want to be married.

581
00:40:47.280 --> 00:40:48.120
And you just-

582
00:40:51.120 --> 00:40:52.920
You know, it's like, am I going to give up

583
00:40:52.920 --> 00:40:53.840
for a little while?

584
00:40:53.840 --> 00:40:54.680
And then you get up

585
00:40:54.680 --> 00:40:55.960
and that's what I want you to do, Heather.

586
00:40:55.960 --> 00:40:58.280
Just get up, dust yourself out

587
00:40:58.280 --> 00:40:59.960
and keep going.

588
00:40:59.960 --> 00:41:00.800
Okay.

589
00:41:00.800 --> 00:41:01.840
And it's absolutely nothing wrong

590
00:41:01.840 --> 00:41:04.480
that you've not been in a relationship for 17 years.

591
00:41:04.480 --> 00:41:05.820
Cause you could have been in a marriage

592
00:41:05.820 --> 00:41:06.920
for 15 of those years

593
00:41:06.920 --> 00:41:08.040
and it could have been miserable.

594
00:41:08.040 --> 00:41:09.200
And now you could have been coming out

595
00:41:09.200 --> 00:41:10.240
trying to get healed up

596
00:41:10.240 --> 00:41:12.040
from the miserable marriage you were in

597
00:41:12.040 --> 00:41:13.600
to some narcissist.

598
00:41:13.600 --> 00:41:15.760
I'm just telling you, sometimes we think

599
00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:18.000
that our record of not being in a relationship

600
00:41:18.000 --> 00:41:19.000
looks bad upon us.

601
00:41:19.000 --> 00:41:20.640
But there are so many things you could have did

602
00:41:20.640 --> 00:41:22.560
with 17 years of your life

603
00:41:22.560 --> 00:41:25.960
that would not produce where you are now.

604
00:41:25.960 --> 00:41:27.280
I mean, it could have worked against you,

605
00:41:27.280 --> 00:41:28.200
could have worked for you.

606
00:41:29.120 --> 00:41:29.960
There's so many other things.

607
00:41:29.960 --> 00:41:32.800
And this is not like be gracious speech,

608
00:41:32.800 --> 00:41:34.240
but I'm going to tell you this.

609
00:41:34.240 --> 00:41:35.080
There are some women

610
00:41:35.080 --> 00:41:37.200
wish they hadn't spent the last 17 years

611
00:41:37.200 --> 00:41:39.280
of their life the way they did.

612
00:41:39.280 --> 00:41:40.280
You know what I'm saying?

613
00:41:40.280 --> 00:41:41.840
And so I just want you to,

614
00:41:41.840 --> 00:41:45.120
don't take any shame for that.

615
00:41:45.120 --> 00:41:46.000
Okay.

616
00:41:46.000 --> 00:41:46.840
Yeah.

617
00:41:46.840 --> 00:41:47.680
Yeah.

618
00:41:47.680 --> 00:41:49.440
And I typically don't.

619
00:41:49.440 --> 00:41:51.520
It's just more of a have I,

620
00:41:51.520 --> 00:41:53.440
where if I have any shame in that,

621
00:41:53.440 --> 00:41:55.500
it's have I leveraged this time well?

622
00:41:56.500 --> 00:41:59.340
This time prior to now?

623
00:41:59.340 --> 00:42:00.500
Yeah.

624
00:42:00.500 --> 00:42:02.340
So that's more, if I'm doing that,

625
00:42:02.340 --> 00:42:04.020
I'm like, okay, have I given that away

626
00:42:04.020 --> 00:42:06.500
to just like work, work, work?

627
00:42:06.500 --> 00:42:08.860
Or have I leveraged my singlehood?

628
00:42:08.860 --> 00:42:10.940
Because that's the time to grow in.

629
00:42:10.940 --> 00:42:12.860
And you don't have this kind of discretionary time

630
00:42:12.860 --> 00:42:16.660
when you're married or with kids.

631
00:42:16.660 --> 00:42:20.180
So it's like, hey, have I ran after God

632
00:42:20.180 --> 00:42:21.660
hard enough in this season?

633
00:42:21.660 --> 00:42:22.500
Yeah.

634
00:42:22.500 --> 00:42:23.820
Well, I tell you what,

635
00:42:23.820 --> 00:42:26.180
marriage makes us holy more than it makes us happy.

636
00:42:26.180 --> 00:42:28.380
So if you think you can run after Jesus,

637
00:42:28.380 --> 00:42:30.140
you finna run after him when you say, I do.

638
00:42:30.140 --> 00:42:30.980
Don't worry, baby.

639
00:42:30.980 --> 00:42:32.580
Your legs gonna get tired.

640
00:42:32.580 --> 00:42:34.220
Your breath gonna get winded.

641
00:42:34.220 --> 00:42:36.100
Because don't nothing shape you up

642
00:42:36.100 --> 00:42:37.860
like marriage and children.

643
00:42:37.860 --> 00:42:39.140
So don't worry.

644
00:42:39.140 --> 00:42:41.020
You finna be running hard for Jesus

645
00:42:41.020 --> 00:42:42.420
for the rest of your life.

646
00:42:44.060 --> 00:42:45.620
Excited to hit that trail.

647
00:42:45.620 --> 00:42:46.460
Thank you so much.

648
00:42:46.460 --> 00:42:48.100
Yeah, what he didn't get you in the 17 years

649
00:42:48.100 --> 00:42:51.100
of singing isn't gonna catch you in marriage.

650
00:42:51.100 --> 00:42:52.260
Perfect.

651
00:42:52.260 --> 00:42:53.100
All right.

652
00:42:53.100 --> 00:42:53.940
Thanks.

653
00:42:53.940 --> 00:42:55.580
Thanks, Heather.

654
00:42:55.580 --> 00:42:56.420
Linda.

655
00:43:00.180 --> 00:43:01.580
Hello.

656
00:43:01.580 --> 00:43:03.980
I think Marlee was before me.

657
00:43:03.980 --> 00:43:04.820
Who?

658
00:43:04.820 --> 00:43:06.180
Marlee.

659
00:43:06.180 --> 00:43:08.100
Okay, go Marlee.

660
00:43:08.100 --> 00:43:09.580
Linda say you were first.

661
00:43:09.580 --> 00:43:11.060
Yes, she was.

662
00:43:11.060 --> 00:43:12.100
Go Marlee.

663
00:43:13.020 --> 00:43:13.980
Thanks, Linda.

664
00:43:15.060 --> 00:43:18.420
Okay, so I just wanted to say that

665
00:43:18.420 --> 00:43:22.740
it's been kind of a desert in the past few weeks.

666
00:43:23.420 --> 00:43:27.620
But one of the high points that I had was that

667
00:43:27.620 --> 00:43:32.540
Preeti came and visited my church on Sunday.

668
00:43:32.540 --> 00:43:35.500
So it was really nice to see her, get to meet her.

669
00:43:35.500 --> 00:43:38.300
We went for lunch afterwards.

670
00:43:38.300 --> 00:43:39.220
So it was really nice.

671
00:43:39.220 --> 00:43:40.540
And because she was there,

672
00:43:41.700 --> 00:43:45.300
I did what I had been postponing.

673
00:43:45.300 --> 00:43:48.900
And I finally shared with one of the ladies

674
00:43:48.900 --> 00:43:52.420
that I know at church who is married

675
00:43:53.100 --> 00:43:56.380
that I am single, that I am in this program

676
00:43:56.380 --> 00:43:59.500
and that I would like to get married

677
00:43:59.500 --> 00:44:03.220
and for her and her husband to let me know

678
00:44:03.220 --> 00:44:07.580
or to think of me if they know somebody who is single.

679
00:44:07.580 --> 00:44:11.300
So the ladies of the couple said right away,

680
00:44:11.300 --> 00:44:16.300
oh, my nephew is single,

681
00:44:16.380 --> 00:44:19.820
but he was really a lot younger than I am.

682
00:44:19.820 --> 00:44:24.820
So it didn't, so it was not a possible match,

683
00:44:25.700 --> 00:44:30.060
but that got the ball rolling.

684
00:44:30.060 --> 00:44:32.180
So that was the highlight.

685
00:44:37.700 --> 00:44:42.700
There was one person that I connected with via salt

686
00:44:43.220 --> 00:44:45.500
and it's been,

687
00:44:50.300 --> 00:44:55.300
one message, half of a sentence every three, four days.

688
00:44:56.340 --> 00:44:59.860
And I'm thinking, so.

689
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.560
This was not really, really encouraging.

690
00:45:03.560 --> 00:45:07.600
So it's just been a desert, really.

691
00:45:07.600 --> 00:45:13.640
And I'm thinking maybe it's time for me to move to phase 3.

692
00:45:13.640 --> 00:45:19.200
And I was wondering, when are the meetings happening

693
00:45:19.200 --> 00:45:21.280
on phase 3?

694
00:45:21.280 --> 00:45:24.640
They're usually on Thursdays.

695
00:45:24.640 --> 00:45:26.120
Let me look at the thing.

696
00:45:26.920 --> 00:45:29.920
OK.

697
00:45:29.920 --> 00:45:31.920
But it's not always the same, because they're

698
00:45:31.920 --> 00:45:33.240
having a meeting right now.

699
00:45:36.000 --> 00:45:38.560
Let me go to the calendar right quick.

700
00:45:38.560 --> 00:45:42.360
So they're having coaching tonight.

701
00:45:42.360 --> 00:45:43.760
It's Tuesday.

702
00:45:43.760 --> 00:45:51.800
And they're having, just giving you an idea.

703
00:45:51.800 --> 00:45:54.760
And so on Thursday, they're having a single spotlight.

704
00:45:54.760 --> 00:45:56.960
So that's an event that will be similar to this,

705
00:45:56.960 --> 00:46:00.880
where Jackie comes on and does coaching.

706
00:46:00.880 --> 00:46:04.160
So let's go into the month of August,

707
00:46:04.160 --> 00:46:05.480
if you were going over there.

708
00:46:08.560 --> 00:46:10.600
Oh, they haven't put their stuff on the calendar.

709
00:46:10.600 --> 00:46:13.680
I'm like, wait for me, and I don't see anything.

710
00:46:13.680 --> 00:46:15.640
So yeah.

711
00:46:15.640 --> 00:46:19.000
So like tonight, and usually, so Tuesdays or Thursdays.

712
00:46:19.000 --> 00:46:20.960
OK, thanks.

713
00:46:20.960 --> 00:46:22.880
And usually at the same time.

714
00:46:22.880 --> 00:46:26.840
I will miss you, but I think that you, phase 3

715
00:46:26.840 --> 00:46:27.840
is a lot of fun.

716
00:46:27.840 --> 00:46:29.920
And you've been in phase 2 a while.

717
00:46:29.920 --> 00:46:33.040
And I've just declared that your desert, short little two week

718
00:46:33.040 --> 00:46:36.840
desert trip is over.

719
00:46:36.840 --> 00:46:38.320
Lord, she's thirsty.

720
00:46:38.320 --> 00:46:40.400
Bring her water in her desert land.

721
00:46:40.400 --> 00:46:44.160
That was a very, very, you know, they

722
00:46:44.160 --> 00:46:46.840
kind of like, wow, that was a big stretch.

723
00:46:46.840 --> 00:46:51.200
But we got to get Marla out of the desert.

724
00:46:51.200 --> 00:46:53.800
But you know, you came in hot, y'all.

725
00:46:53.800 --> 00:46:56.360
Marla had all her seven days.

726
00:46:56.360 --> 00:46:58.800
She was hot out there.

727
00:46:58.800 --> 00:47:01.400
So she thinks she's in the desert.

728
00:47:01.400 --> 00:47:04.280
She done had so many men.

729
00:47:04.280 --> 00:47:06.240
But no, phase 3 will be good.

730
00:47:06.240 --> 00:47:07.480
We'll miss you.

731
00:47:07.480 --> 00:47:08.880
OK, thank you.

732
00:47:08.880 --> 00:47:09.560
Thank you, Mary.

733
00:47:09.560 --> 00:47:10.320
You're welcome.

734
00:47:10.320 --> 00:47:14.360
All right, Linda.

735
00:47:14.360 --> 00:47:16.160
Thank you.

736
00:47:16.160 --> 00:47:20.520
All right, I have two questions for online dating.

737
00:47:20.520 --> 00:47:23.960
And as I indicated in the notes,

738
00:47:23.960 --> 00:47:29.440
I listened to The Divine Feminine last night,

739
00:47:29.440 --> 00:47:32.720
which was awesome.

740
00:47:32.720 --> 00:47:37.200
But I did discover that, and Dating 101, too,

741
00:47:37.200 --> 00:47:42.760
I discovered that, you know, I'm kind of maybe doing things

742
00:47:42.760 --> 00:47:44.480
not quite right in the beginning.

743
00:47:44.480 --> 00:47:48.480
So my problem is that I have a lot of scammers

744
00:47:48.480 --> 00:47:49.760
that reach out to me.

745
00:47:49.760 --> 00:47:53.600
And so I've gotten to the point where it's like,

746
00:47:53.600 --> 00:47:55.400
how do I know you're not a scammer?

747
00:47:55.400 --> 00:47:58.120
That's not the first response to someone

748
00:47:58.120 --> 00:48:01.440
who might be interested in you that's not a scammer.

749
00:48:01.440 --> 00:48:07.920
So how do you sift out scammers without being obvious?

750
00:48:07.920 --> 00:48:12.680
Well, I think that you can say, once you message them

751
00:48:12.680 --> 00:48:15.640
back and forth for one day, the next day you can say,

752
00:48:15.640 --> 00:48:18.680
hey, it's been interesting getting to know you.

753
00:48:18.720 --> 00:48:22.480
I would love to video chat, FaceTime,

754
00:48:22.480 --> 00:48:24.400
but video any form you want.

755
00:48:24.400 --> 00:48:27.240
I would love to do a video chat with you

756
00:48:27.240 --> 00:48:29.000
just to get to know you better.

757
00:48:29.000 --> 00:48:32.480
And if it goes well, I really want us to go to a coffee date.

758
00:48:32.480 --> 00:48:34.440
That's what you can say.

759
00:48:34.440 --> 00:48:36.240
You don't have to be around a bush.

760
00:48:36.240 --> 00:48:37.000
That's the truth.

761
00:48:37.000 --> 00:48:38.840
You want to see them.

762
00:48:38.840 --> 00:48:41.760
Or what you can do is before even doing a video chat,

763
00:48:41.760 --> 00:48:42.840
you can exchange numbers.

764
00:48:42.840 --> 00:48:43.960
Get on the phone with them.

765
00:48:43.960 --> 00:48:46.000
Hear their voice.

766
00:48:46.000 --> 00:48:48.200
OK.

767
00:48:48.200 --> 00:48:51.480
Because when the game plan is a date by the end of the week,

768
00:48:51.480 --> 00:48:53.360
a lot of these other things, you won't

769
00:48:53.360 --> 00:48:57.280
talk to somebody for a week and a half messaging back and forth.

770
00:48:57.280 --> 00:49:00.640
Because if they exchange numbers with you

771
00:49:00.640 --> 00:49:04.200
or they set up to do a video chat, you're going to know.

772
00:49:07.200 --> 00:49:09.040
You can go ahead and change numbers first.

773
00:49:09.040 --> 00:49:09.840
Go ahead and talk.

774
00:49:09.840 --> 00:49:12.080
Say, hey, I would love to get to know you better.

775
00:49:12.080 --> 00:49:16.360
Let's do a voice call.

776
00:49:16.360 --> 00:49:17.800
Let's get on the phone.

777
00:49:17.800 --> 00:49:20.160
Give them your Google number, unless you're in Canada.

778
00:49:20.160 --> 00:49:22.760
I don't think they can do Google numbers over there.

779
00:49:22.760 --> 00:49:23.680
No Google numbers.

780
00:49:23.680 --> 00:49:25.240
Whatever number you want to give them,

781
00:49:25.240 --> 00:49:26.600
whatever you're comfortable with.

782
00:49:26.600 --> 00:49:28.560
But that's how you want to do that.

783
00:49:28.560 --> 00:49:29.080
OK.

784
00:49:32.000 --> 00:49:33.440
If they give me their phone number,

785
00:49:33.440 --> 00:49:35.800
I do go do a reverse phone search

786
00:49:35.800 --> 00:49:40.800
to make sure that it's a legitimate number before I

787
00:49:40.800 --> 00:49:43.800
text them or whatever.

788
00:49:43.840 --> 00:49:49.240
But I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning 20 years ago.

789
00:49:49.240 --> 00:49:51.880
But there's so many more scammers out there now

790
00:49:51.880 --> 00:49:54.080
that you have to really, really be careful.

791
00:49:54.080 --> 00:49:57.120
So for those ladies that are on here

792
00:49:57.120 --> 00:49:59.280
that have not done a lot of online dating,

793
00:49:59.280 --> 00:50:01.160
really, really.

794
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:18.000
And through the safety items, because there's some really good hints in there that will help you to identify. But even with that, they still find me and they still get me sometimes. And it's very frustrating.

795
00:50:19.520 --> 00:50:20.960
How do they get you?

796
00:50:20.960 --> 00:50:32.960
Um, suck me in and you know, I think I'm communicating with a real person and it turns out that I'm not.

797
00:50:32.960 --> 00:50:34.960
Well, let's have a look.

798
00:50:34.960 --> 00:50:41.960
Well, you know, I don't do this anymore. But early on, I did send money to a few people.

799
00:50:42.960 --> 00:50:44.960
Um, they have.

800
00:50:44.960 --> 00:50:58.960
I'm trying to cut you out. But let's go back because what I'm trying to get to is how does it get there? Because the issue is not that they're scammers. The issue is how does it get there? Does that make sense? And so

801
00:50:59.960 --> 00:51:03.960
Probably talking too long online.

802
00:51:03.960 --> 00:51:24.960
Talking behind the screen too long. Scammers are real, but they can't be. If they don't scam you, it doesn't matter. But because you have been scammed in the past, you have gossip, but you weren't scammed because the scammer was in control of you.

803
00:51:25.960 --> 00:51:36.960
The scammer didn't make you do anything. And this way you don't have to fear scammers. The scammer scammed you because something right here in the middle was missing before you got here.

804
00:51:37.960 --> 00:51:47.960
That makes sense. And so I want to get rid of the fear of the scammer because you're more equipped right here. You don't have to fear a scammer because you can't be scammed.

805
00:51:48.960 --> 00:52:02.960
They can't scam you if you don't let them scam you. That's what I'm saying. And so one thing about it, what you probably would be a huge cheerleader of is after their first time talking to them saying, hey, let's let's do a voice call.

806
00:52:03.960 --> 00:52:19.960
And if somebody said, if you love me and will never say you're moving too fast would be weird. But if they did say, oh, you're moving kind of fast. So what do you have in mind? Would you like to do a video chat? I don't like I will say I don't prefer talking to people that I've not seen before. It's uncomfortable for me.

807
00:52:19.960 --> 00:52:25.960
And if they put up a fight behind it, you know, you just go ahead and block them and go on about your beast because some ain't right.

808
00:52:26.960 --> 00:52:27.960
Yep. Bless and block.

809
00:52:27.960 --> 00:52:28.960
Yeah. Bless and block.

810
00:52:29.960 --> 00:52:43.960
Okay. And my question is, for men that write to you, if you're just you look at their profile and you just are not interested for whatever reason.

811
00:52:43.960 --> 00:52:58.960
Is it better to just ignore their message that they sent to you? Or is it more kind to respond and just say, I'm sorry, but I'm really not interested.

812
00:52:59.960 --> 00:53:15.960
That's up to you. People write me all the time. People have written me in the past. And I don't feel I don't feel you don't have to feel obligated to respond to someone. Let me tell you something. Let me and I'm like, I'm gonna throw out the hook. If they bite the bait, we in. They used to throwing out the hook.

813
00:53:16.960 --> 00:53:29.960
Grab it. We're gonna talk him now. I'm all good. Um, you don't have a responsibility to say something back to a person because they say something to you. Okay, if they don't have responsibility to say something back to you, because you say something, this is your choice.

814
00:53:31.960 --> 00:53:36.960
Yeah. Okay. All right. I just was never quite sure. Like, yeah, what would be the proper way.

815
00:53:37.960 --> 00:53:49.960
Sometimes if you respond back and say you're not interested, then then they get in, you get into this. Well, you know, why aren't you interested? And you know, if you try to say you live too far away, I mean that.

816
00:53:50.960 --> 00:54:08.960
Yeah. So on the other hand, not saying anything, you know, I feel bad. You know, right? Like someone took the time to reach out to me. I'm not interested. But so but if it if it's, you know, if it's okay to just, you know, delete.

817
00:54:09.960 --> 00:54:20.960
And yeah, then I then it would be like, too bad. So sad. Sorry, Charlie. But Linda, they did. They did. They probably did. Probably.

818
00:54:20.960 --> 00:54:38.960
It is more likely that they did than they didn't because they're on a dating site in the same way you swipe past. Yeah. The same way they swipe past women that they may be interested in. Men are not like women. There's not these emotional things.

819
00:54:38.960 --> 00:54:41.960
Right? And so.

820
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.840
What I want you to do as a homework assignment, Ms. Linda,

821
00:55:03.840 --> 00:55:08.320
I want you to practice on showing up and doing exactly what you want to do.

822
00:55:08.320 --> 00:55:10.120
Try it for a week.

823
00:55:10.120 --> 00:55:11.820
If no is no, do it.

824
00:55:11.820 --> 00:55:16.240
I don't care. Go against your natural inclination to be

825
00:55:16.240 --> 00:55:19.880
something else and just practice living out loud.

826
00:55:19.880 --> 00:55:21.600
You cannot lose,

827
00:55:21.600 --> 00:55:25.320
you will not lose because it's not possible to lose.

828
00:55:25.320 --> 00:55:31.200
The only thing you'll do is going to gain your ability to say no.

829
00:55:34.520 --> 00:55:36.760
I will try that.

830
00:55:36.760 --> 00:55:38.520
Before you go into marriage,

831
00:55:38.520 --> 00:55:41.240
we're going to learn boundaries.

832
00:55:42.120 --> 00:55:44.080
I haven't done that one yet.

833
00:55:44.080 --> 00:55:45.840
I think I have that one next week.

834
00:55:45.840 --> 00:55:47.440
Okay. That'll be good.

835
00:55:47.440 --> 00:55:50.840
But I appreciate that.

836
00:55:50.840 --> 00:55:51.760
You're welcome.

837
00:55:51.760 --> 00:55:52.480
Thank you.

838
00:55:52.480 --> 00:55:55.240
You're welcome. Ashley.

839
00:55:56.160 --> 00:55:58.280
All right. Can you hear me?

840
00:55:58.280 --> 00:55:59.240
Yeah.

841
00:55:59.240 --> 00:56:01.480
Perfect. I have two questions.

842
00:56:01.480 --> 00:56:09.400
Well, one's kind of, I went on a first date on Saturday.

843
00:56:09.400 --> 00:56:14.440
We went to coffee and then since then he has

844
00:56:14.440 --> 00:56:20.800
texted me every single day and I don't know if it's just because I have the ick,

845
00:56:20.800 --> 00:56:32.040
or if it's just a hang-up that I have.

846
00:56:32.320 --> 00:56:37.080
Yeah. You have a problem with him texting you?

847
00:56:37.080 --> 00:56:39.760
It's every single morning to be like,

848
00:56:39.760 --> 00:56:43.000
good morning and I'm like, dude, we met one time.

849
00:56:43.000 --> 00:56:46.360
Do we really need to be being like, good morning, beautiful?

850
00:56:46.360 --> 00:56:49.320
No, we're not there yet. Thank you.

851
00:56:50.280 --> 00:56:56.160
In the past, I've always been like, if I like you then I'm like, okay, cool.

852
00:56:56.160 --> 00:56:59.040
But if I don't, then I'm like, okay.

853
00:56:59.040 --> 00:57:01.240
I've been trying to, I was like,

854
00:57:01.240 --> 00:57:07.760
is this just that I am falling back into old ways?

855
00:57:07.760 --> 00:57:10.840
Or is this really like,

856
00:57:10.840 --> 00:57:14.080
and I need to actually give this person a chance?

857
00:57:14.080 --> 00:57:16.800
Or is this really like, because like I said,

858
00:57:16.800 --> 00:57:20.840
I did get an ick from him for a couple of things that he said on the date,

859
00:57:20.840 --> 00:57:24.320
and so I don't know.

860
00:57:24.320 --> 00:57:29.160
Okay. Well, I don't know what's your old way.

861
00:57:29.600 --> 00:57:37.320
If I went on a date with you and then you were a little bit

862
00:57:37.320 --> 00:57:44.000
too common on every single day,

863
00:57:44.000 --> 00:57:47.280
then I would just be like, yeah, we're done.

864
00:57:50.440 --> 00:57:55.040
I have a horrible situation or a past.

865
00:57:55.040 --> 00:57:57.320
It is a past now because I'm claiming this,

866
00:57:57.320 --> 00:57:58.800
that we're done with this,

867
00:57:58.800 --> 00:58:02.880
picking people who don't necessarily want me.

868
00:58:04.000 --> 00:58:06.280
In the past, you've picked people.

869
00:58:06.280 --> 00:58:08.920
Have you taken your attachments down?

870
00:58:08.920 --> 00:58:11.240
I actually have a secure attachment style.

871
00:58:11.240 --> 00:58:13.120
Me and my therapist, we go through that.

872
00:58:13.360 --> 00:58:21.800
Okay. But it's interesting to me that you have a secure attachment style.

873
00:58:23.800 --> 00:58:27.960
Okay. Let me separate that.

874
00:58:29.480 --> 00:58:31.920
Okay. Let me do this.

875
00:58:31.920 --> 00:58:37.440
Let's do this. He's messaging you because he likes you.

876
00:58:37.440 --> 00:58:40.040
I don't know if you're used to people liking you,

877
00:58:40.040 --> 00:58:41.960
but that's what they do when they like you.

878
00:58:42.360 --> 00:58:43.120
Yeah.

879
00:58:43.120 --> 00:58:45.240
They talk to you. Okay.

880
00:58:45.240 --> 00:58:48.240
That's what he's doing. That's it.

881
00:58:49.200 --> 00:58:50.880
If you do not like it,

882
00:58:51.640 --> 00:58:54.200
what you do is you don't respond to good morning texts.

883
00:58:54.200 --> 00:58:57.240
I don't know if you do, but if you do, you don't.

884
00:58:57.240 --> 00:58:59.760
And you respond later on with something.

885
00:58:59.760 --> 00:59:03.960
Yeah. Yeah. And I respond every two days right now

886
00:59:03.960 --> 00:59:08.280
because, again, it's like, this is where I've met you one time.

887
00:59:08.280 --> 00:59:10.640
Like, I don't need to.

888
00:59:10.640 --> 00:59:15.040
Well, okay. So it's best what you do, Ashley, is just tell him,

889
00:59:15.040 --> 00:59:16.920
say, hey, thanks for reaching out.

890
00:59:16.920 --> 00:59:19.840
You've been really faithful with reaching out to me every day.

891
00:59:19.840 --> 00:59:21.440
And I think it's best that I tell you

892
00:59:21.440 --> 00:59:24.320
that I'm not interested in getting to know you any further.

893
00:59:25.720 --> 00:59:27.960
So have you had that conversation with him yet?

894
00:59:28.680 --> 00:59:34.840
No, not yet because I didn't know if this was where I need to try to change my ways

895
00:59:34.840 --> 00:59:45.000
or if this is, and I was being too, not judgy, but like letting.

896
00:59:46.120 --> 00:59:48.160
What happened on the date?

897
00:59:48.160 --> 00:59:52.680
So basically, it was overall an okay date.

898
00:59:52.680 --> 00:59:54.400
We went and we had coffee, blah, blah, blah.

899
00:59:54.400 --> 00:59:57.720
But then he said that he has a teenage son

900
00:59:57.720 --> 01:00:00.040
and he makes his teenage son ask him for.

901
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.360
any food. He's like, yeah, he can have water if he wants water.

902
01:00:03.360 --> 01:00:06.320
But if he wants to eat anything else, then he needs to ask

903
01:00:06.320 --> 01:00:12.520
permission. And I was like, like, is this something that

904
01:00:13.760 --> 01:00:18.640
like, that? Is there an issue here? Like, and so that like,

905
01:00:18.880 --> 01:00:21.240
and there were and then like, there was a couple of other

906
01:00:21.240 --> 01:00:24.960
things where he like, he told me all about his vasectomy. At

907
01:00:24.960 --> 01:00:27.120
which point, I just cut him off and was like, that's not first

908
01:00:27.120 --> 01:00:31.760
date material. Yeah, he was like, well, you know, it is for

909
01:00:31.760 --> 01:00:34.600
some people. And I was like, there's something to say, like,

910
01:00:34.600 --> 01:00:37.120
you don't want any more children, but I don't need to

911
01:00:37.120 --> 01:00:43.560
know about your surgery. It was really like the him with his

912
01:00:43.560 --> 01:00:48.800
son, like in talking and it's, that's how he raises his kid.

913
01:00:48.840 --> 01:00:52.200
Great. It just gave me like, where I was like, is this gonna

914
01:00:52.200 --> 01:00:55.320
be something where I get into a relationship with you and I go

915
01:00:55.320 --> 01:00:58.600
over to your house and I want to eat chips like because he had

916
01:00:58.600 --> 01:01:01.920
this whole story about how he would be like, so I know I

917
01:01:01.920 --> 01:01:06.280
didn't eat these chips. And some are missing from this bag. So

918
01:01:06.680 --> 01:01:09.480
and his son will be like, No. And he's like, it's only you and

919
01:01:09.480 --> 01:01:12.360
me in this house. Like I know you ate and I'm like, who cares

920
01:01:12.360 --> 01:01:14.040
if your child ate some chips?

921
01:01:16.600 --> 01:01:23.280
Okay, Ashley. Whoever posted in the chat is not a red flag. I

922
01:01:23.280 --> 01:01:26.720
don't know why he wants his son to ask him about food. You don't

923
01:01:26.720 --> 01:01:30.280
know if his son has a problem with overeating. You don't know

924
01:01:30.280 --> 01:01:33.160
if he wants to. I don't know like there could be so many

925
01:01:33.160 --> 01:01:40.480
reasons why. It's not a red flag by any stretch of imagination.

926
01:01:40.840 --> 01:01:45.920
But I want to know why does that bother you so much? How do you

927
01:01:45.920 --> 01:01:49.440
take your brain and go from he says his child has to ask him

928
01:01:49.440 --> 01:01:52.120
for food? Am I going to have to ask you for food when I come to

929
01:01:52.120 --> 01:01:55.440
your house? Like, how did you make? How did you go so drastic

930
01:01:55.480 --> 01:01:59.600
in your opinion of what he did? Like, what did they do in you

931
01:01:59.640 --> 01:02:00.320
when you heard?

932
01:02:01.000 --> 01:02:05.680
In the past, I was in an abusive relationship where I'm very much

933
01:02:05.720 --> 01:02:12.360
a like, and so I do. And that's something that I have worked on

934
01:02:12.360 --> 01:02:18.080
with my therapist that out also, because I typically do say

935
01:02:18.080 --> 01:02:20.360
things. There are a lot of red flags where I'm like, is this

936
01:02:20.360 --> 01:02:24.280
really a red flag? Or is this a red flag that I have made

937
01:02:24.280 --> 01:02:31.520
because of past things? And yeah, and so that

938
01:02:32.560 --> 01:02:36.600
it triggers you. It's not a it triggered you because it felt

939
01:02:36.600 --> 01:02:41.200
like control. And because of your past, you can sniff control

940
01:02:41.200 --> 01:02:47.040
out from a mile away. So that's what happened. Yes. And so you

941
01:02:47.040 --> 01:02:49.960
don't you don't prefer his company anymore because you feel

942
01:02:49.960 --> 01:02:52.240
like you decided that he's controlling.

943
01:02:54.600 --> 01:02:59.600
Okay. Is that right? Yes. But I just wanted to make sure that I

944
01:02:59.600 --> 01:03:03.960
am. I was not like over overreacting.

945
01:03:04.760 --> 01:03:08.200
Well, you could be overreacting. What do you like about him?

946
01:03:11.520 --> 01:03:12.760
Not much.

947
01:03:13.760 --> 01:03:19.640
Well, think about it. Was he kind to you? Does he have good

948
01:03:19.640 --> 01:03:23.720
morals, values stand? Like, what is it? Who is this man? What do

949
01:03:23.720 --> 01:03:25.000
you know about him so far?

950
01:03:26.400 --> 01:03:30.640
I don't really know a whole bunch about him. So I talked to

951
01:03:30.640 --> 01:03:36.400
him for like, one or two days online. And then we had the we

952
01:03:36.400 --> 01:03:36.600
had

953
01:03:36.720 --> 01:03:40.720
we had to do it. Yeah. Yeah. What did y'all talk about over

954
01:03:40.720 --> 01:03:41.320
coffee?

955
01:03:42.440 --> 01:03:46.520
I there was a we talked about

956
01:03:49.600 --> 01:03:52.120
we talked about fear snakes and hiking.

957
01:03:55.000 --> 01:03:56.640
Apparently his child a lot.

958
01:03:58.400 --> 01:03:59.280
What does he work?

959
01:04:00.280 --> 01:04:06.840
He works as a contractor for the military. And so and I he was a

960
01:04:06.840 --> 01:04:11.760
special ops, retired special ops or not retired, but medically

961
01:04:11.760 --> 01:04:15.880
discharged special ops. And so I heard all about like, it, you

962
01:04:15.880 --> 01:04:22.160
know, some of the reasons why he has like health issues at this

963
01:04:22.160 --> 01:04:23.520
point because of

964
01:04:23.520 --> 01:04:28.160
injuries that he sustained. We talked about, I live in a

965
01:04:28.160 --> 01:04:32.680
military town. So we talked about a lot of military stuff.

966
01:04:33.480 --> 01:04:39.920
Okay, got your parents. A lot. Okay. Of trauma with his parents

967
01:04:39.920 --> 01:04:44.400
often. Okay. And then at one point, he told me that like, he

968
01:04:44.480 --> 01:04:48.320
was at a store and he, his son and this was when his son was

969
01:04:48.320 --> 01:04:51.040
younger, because his son was in the military. And he was like,

970
01:04:51.040 --> 01:04:53.400
his son, and this was when his son was younger, because his

971
01:04:53.400 --> 01:04:56.200
son is now a teenager versus someone's younger, and he was

972
01:04:56.200 --> 01:04:59.600
like screaming. And so he bent down and he was like,

973
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:26.700
looky little effer, like, I'm going to beat you if you do not stop talking. And some lady stopped him and was like, you absolutely cannot talk to your child that way. And he was like, I mean, that is none of her business how I talk to my kid. And I was like, um, yeah, no, if you're saying that, like that, that's kind of a good thing that somebody is willing to stop. But like, because she doesn't, you know, like, she doesn't know if you're going to actually like beat your child. You know, so it was like,

974
01:05:27.260 --> 01:05:33.820
okay, so this gives more insight as to why then when he said, I don't let my child get a chip,

975
01:05:34.460 --> 01:05:39.580
that is an issue for you. Because see, now you're, you're connecting the dots, but these things on a

976
01:05:39.580 --> 01:05:44.540
standalone, that's why I said, let me ask you to tell me a little bit more. And so standalone,

977
01:05:44.540 --> 01:05:49.260
you say, he said, a child couldn't get you to do whatever he wanted to do, in my opinion,

978
01:05:49.260 --> 01:05:54.780
because for one, he's just a date. I could care less. All right. If the man told me he was beating

979
01:05:54.780 --> 01:06:00.300
his child is different. I'm not trying to figure out why he's doing whatever he's doing. It's just

980
01:06:00.300 --> 01:06:07.740
not enough for me. But you have more now. One, this man is military. So he represents authority.

981
01:06:08.540 --> 01:06:14.700
The authority that you were with your, your abusive relationship abused you. Right?

982
01:06:15.660 --> 01:06:22.780
Military people can be much more abrasive, which can also look like control.

983
01:06:23.740 --> 01:06:27.740
You're going to subdue me, put me under your control. And now you're talking about,

984
01:06:27.740 --> 01:06:32.620
you say this to your child, you little effer. First of all, you're a woman, a man will let

985
01:06:32.620 --> 01:06:36.380
that come out of their mouth, but a woman is much more nurturing. She usually wouldn't say

986
01:06:36.380 --> 01:06:44.300
you little effer to her child, but you know, men will let some things come out of their mouth.

987
01:06:44.300 --> 01:06:49.340
So now I see Ashley. And I think that you, you knew when you left them that you were not

988
01:06:49.340 --> 01:06:53.580
interested. And I think letting him know that you're not interested is, is in order.

989
01:06:55.820 --> 01:07:01.500
But so I see. So I don't, I don't think he gave you the egg. I think that there was a huge turnout.

990
01:07:03.180 --> 01:07:10.780
Yeah. The way like, yeah, like he's not just an egg. You're not interested in talking to him again.

991
01:07:11.340 --> 01:07:18.700
Yeah. And then my other second question real quick is I, and I try not to compare myself

992
01:07:18.700 --> 01:07:22.700
to anybody else. Cause everybody obviously has their own journey and blah, blah, blah. But

993
01:07:22.700 --> 01:07:29.420
it seems like, is there like, is there a way that I can have somebody look at my profile at like,

994
01:07:29.420 --> 01:07:34.140
I don't know how you would look at a dating profile, but like, I don't feel like I get a

995
01:07:34.140 --> 01:07:37.820
lot of matches. Like everybody else is like, yeah, I get all sorts of matches. And I'm like,

996
01:07:37.820 --> 01:07:46.220
I get like maybe one every couple of weeks. What are you on? What are you on?

997
01:07:46.220 --> 01:07:52.540
Bumble. You know, where, where you live Ashley? I live in Norfolk, Virginia.

998
01:07:54.460 --> 01:08:00.220
Now it could be how much traffic they actually have in that particular area. That's a real thing.

999
01:08:00.860 --> 01:08:08.860
Um, are you on Facebook? Um, I am on Facebook, but I have not done the Facebook dating thing.

1000
01:08:09.660 --> 01:08:16.700
Facebook dating is really good. I think you should try it. Lenina says, yes. One thing

1001
01:08:16.700 --> 01:08:20.700
and I'm not advocating for it because one reason I like it is because it shows you the friend

1002
01:08:20.700 --> 01:08:27.340
circles. If you have any friend in coming with them, it's really nice to see it because then

1003
01:08:27.340 --> 01:08:31.500
you can kind of, I'm not telling you to be a little spy, but you can say like, oh, they're

1004
01:08:31.500 --> 01:08:36.620
friends with this person that I know. Oh, I know that person. So it kind of gives you a little,

1005
01:08:37.100 --> 01:08:42.620
like they are a real person. They're actually friends, you know, something like that. But so

1006
01:08:42.620 --> 01:08:47.100
let me move from that answer to this. You can post your profile so that we can see it. So you

1007
01:08:47.100 --> 01:08:53.500
can screenshot it and let us look at it and then post definitely your profile picture. Let us see

1008
01:08:53.500 --> 01:08:58.060
your first picture that you have up there and then your profile and you can put it in Exacoach

1009
01:08:58.060 --> 01:09:02.060
if you want and just let us take a look at it and we'll share some feedback with you.

1010
01:09:02.700 --> 01:09:07.740
Okay. Yeah. Cause I was like, I don't think that it's pictures necessarily, but like,

1011
01:09:07.740 --> 01:09:11.260
I was like, I don't know what I'm saying that people are like, nope, I don't.

1012
01:09:12.779 --> 01:09:17.740
And to answer Mandy's question about the Bumble, women have to reach out first,

1013
01:09:17.740 --> 01:09:21.979
but you have to be matched together. And so I don't even get it where both of us have swiped

1014
01:09:21.979 --> 01:09:28.779
right. Like. Yeah. Bumble has been challenging for me in the past too.

1015
01:09:29.500 --> 01:09:34.620
Um, just because the way they're set up and, uh, both of you have to like each other

1016
01:09:35.260 --> 01:09:43.819
and they circled through so many pictures. So yeah. Okay. Somebody said something to you in

1017
01:09:43.819 --> 01:09:49.580
the chat too, about there in Hampton Hawk. Um, in case you didn't see that. Yeah. I saw it really

1018
01:09:49.580 --> 01:09:54.300
quick and then somebody else did. Oh yeah. So I'll have to look through the chart, but yes,

1019
01:09:54.300 --> 01:09:59.820
somebody, I saw a realtor. Yeah. Okay. Um, thank you.

1020
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.000
You're welcome

1021
01:10:13.600 --> 01:10:15.600
We can't hear you Felicia

1022
01:10:19.680 --> 01:10:23.240
And while we're waiting on her ladies if if I call the name

1023
01:10:23.240 --> 01:10:27.640
Let's say you you saw your hand come up before that person is not

1024
01:10:28.440 --> 01:10:35.160
Is I don't try I don't pick one person or the other it's the way it cycles through on my screen and sometimes the hands

1025
01:10:35.160 --> 01:10:38.680
Will come up so quickly and so I just start I just write as fast as I can

1026
01:10:39.920 --> 01:10:44.560
And then if the front top row gets full then some of them would jump down to the bottom next row

1027
01:10:44.560 --> 01:10:46.560
And so I just want y'all to know that

1028
01:10:49.040 --> 01:10:51.040
Felicia we can't hear you

1029
01:10:54.200 --> 01:10:56.200
See you Marley, I'm gonna miss you

1030
01:10:58.000 --> 01:11:01.840
I'll come over on phase three and check on you. Okay. Bye

1031
01:11:05.160 --> 01:11:12.800
All right, um, let's go I think I found 13 is Stephanie is that you Stephanie

1032
01:11:13.880 --> 01:11:15.880
That was your name. I would oh

1033
01:11:16.200 --> 01:11:18.240
You hear you Felicia. Hello

1034
01:11:24.080 --> 01:11:26.080
Well now we can't hear you

1035
01:11:27.640 --> 01:11:29.640
I

1036
01:11:36.120 --> 01:11:38.120
Okay, there you go, okay

1037
01:11:38.680 --> 01:11:40.680
Yeah quickly. So

1038
01:11:40.960 --> 01:11:42.020
like

1039
01:11:42.020 --> 01:11:44.020
Mandy was saying I have some

1040
01:11:44.560 --> 01:11:47.480
similar, you know great conversation

1041
01:11:48.280 --> 01:11:50.280
until they started getting into

1042
01:11:52.880 --> 01:11:55.440
Serious, you know serious stuff and

1043
01:11:58.640 --> 01:12:00.640
Coming coming in

1044
01:12:01.280 --> 01:12:03.920
Until they start getting into serious stuff and

1045
01:12:05.600 --> 01:12:10.800
They kind of like, you know ready for relationship getting

1046
01:12:12.680 --> 01:12:14.680
I'm their wife and

1047
01:12:15.280 --> 01:12:21.680
You can submit a little bit of control. But one of the thing I want to say is that I find out that I'm triggered

1048
01:12:22.480 --> 01:12:24.480
by demand and

1049
01:12:25.200 --> 01:12:27.200
I am not sure if it's

1050
01:12:28.520 --> 01:12:31.320
Because it's something that I'm not used to in a relationship

1051
01:12:32.480 --> 01:12:38.440
Where demands are being made, you know, if they're looking for someone the person have to make sure they're cooking every day

1052
01:12:38.440 --> 01:12:42.720
You know stuff like that and I found out I was really triggered by that

1053
01:12:43.600 --> 01:12:49.200
When one of the guy the last one I'm talking to he said so like how you're off on Sunday

1054
01:12:49.280 --> 01:12:50.920
What would you be cooking for me?

1055
01:12:50.920 --> 01:12:56.560
And I don't know why I was and I'm a cook and I love to cook and serve that person

1056
01:12:56.560 --> 01:12:58.560
But I was triggered by that

1057
01:13:00.080 --> 01:13:02.080
Really triggered

1058
01:13:02.360 --> 01:13:08.600
So but there's other stuff that he said that I realized that I don't want to go any further with that and another thing on

1059
01:13:08.600 --> 01:13:14.400
That end is that I am so at peace and so freeing and I said that before

1060
01:13:14.760 --> 01:13:20.280
But it's developing so much more now where I can say that's not the right fit

1061
01:13:21.480 --> 01:13:26.040
Because most of the people are long-distance, so they're not like, you know in Virginia Beach

1062
01:13:26.040 --> 01:13:31.320
which I'm so looking for someone around where I can just have a date with these people they have to plan a trip and

1063
01:13:31.320 --> 01:13:33.160
By the time we're getting to that

1064
01:13:33.160 --> 01:13:39.160
There's always stuff showing up like that. So basically that's what where I'm at where I would love some coaching

1065
01:13:39.800 --> 01:13:41.800
why it's triggering me and

1066
01:13:42.880 --> 01:13:44.880
the freeing of

1067
01:13:44.920 --> 01:13:49.080
Telling the person that you know, it's not and I'm listen. I am so

1068
01:13:49.880 --> 01:13:52.600
Open and safe feel free to just say listen

1069
01:13:53.200 --> 01:13:59.840
there's some things that you're mentioning that's not gonna be a right fit for me and and I feel that I can just

1070
01:14:00.120 --> 01:14:03.240
Really bless them and let them know that I respect their

1071
01:14:03.800 --> 01:14:05.360
you know their

1072
01:14:05.360 --> 01:14:07.640
Their needs whatever they're looking for

1073
01:14:08.120 --> 01:14:14.560
But that's not what I am looking for. It felt so great and it's because of this coaching why I can say that

1074
01:14:15.440 --> 01:14:17.440
So that's it

1075
01:14:19.080 --> 01:14:21.080
You

1076
01:14:35.320 --> 01:14:37.320
You

1077
01:14:40.200 --> 01:14:43.200
Lower cheese help us out. Thank you

1078
01:14:43.840 --> 01:14:48.400
Felicia, can you change your dating parameters in your dating app and which dating app are you on?

1079
01:14:49.600 --> 01:14:51.600
I

1080
01:14:56.840 --> 01:14:59.960
Well, if you can hear me I can't hear you yet, but one thing can help

1081
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:10.160
you with dating someone that's in your area is change your parameters so you can get people

1082
01:15:10.160 --> 01:15:14.560
who are closer to you. And the second thing I want to say, I used to be very triggered by men

1083
01:15:14.560 --> 01:15:21.760
asking me if I could cook. And so you're not alone in that. I would get so upset. I'm like,

1084
01:15:21.760 --> 01:15:28.160
don't ask me if I can cook. Can your mama cook? So that's how upset I would get. Literally,

1085
01:15:28.160 --> 01:15:32.480
I wouldn't say it to them. And I'd be saying, can your mama cook? I ain't your mama. Go learn how

1086
01:15:32.480 --> 01:15:40.320
to cook. Don't ask me, can I cook? What cooking got to do with anything? Just get so upset. And

1087
01:15:40.320 --> 01:15:44.960
so I want you to know that. Does anybody else want to get triggered when a man asks them if

1088
01:15:44.960 --> 01:15:53.280
they can cook? Yes. Look, I need a breath. My cooking day is over. Look, I'm too old for this.

1089
01:15:53.280 --> 01:15:58.240
Can you cook? We're going to be a tent, ain't we? But I think it has to do for me. It would

1090
01:15:58.240 --> 01:16:04.080
trigger me because it would take me to gender roles. I'm like, don't try to put me in a role.

1091
01:16:04.080 --> 01:16:08.320
Don't try to put me in a box. I'm not your wife. I'm just trying to get to know you. Don't tell me

1092
01:16:08.320 --> 01:16:12.560
who, what I'm going to do, how I'm going to do it. So for me, there was this rebellion that I

1093
01:16:12.560 --> 01:16:17.120
didn't know that was happening underneath of wanting my own autonomy and not giving me an

1094
01:16:17.120 --> 01:16:25.920
assignment before you even know me. Because I am going to cook for my husband. I was raised that

1095
01:16:25.920 --> 01:16:30.880
way, but I am going to do it. I'm going to cook for my household. I can cook really well. I'm

1096
01:16:30.880 --> 01:16:34.720
going to do it. There are things when you love a person, when you're married, you're going to cook

1097
01:16:34.720 --> 01:16:39.440
their favorite meal. If you like to cook, you're just going to do it. It comes with the territory.

1098
01:16:39.440 --> 01:16:44.320
But men don't always know what to talk about. They have these, you know how you have all

1099
01:16:44.320 --> 01:16:47.840
this expectation about the man in the night shining armor going to take you away and it's

1100
01:16:47.840 --> 01:16:53.840
going to be so romantic and it's going to be so this. They sit around and say, man, if she can cook,

1101
01:16:53.840 --> 01:17:00.240
she the one. I just want me a woman that can cook me a good meal. That's how the men are where I'm

1102
01:17:00.240 --> 01:17:06.800
from. So it is very common in the African-American community for a man to say, I want a woman that

1103
01:17:06.800 --> 01:17:13.520
can cook. It's a deal. And for some men, if she can't cook, he like, look, I don't know, don't worry

1104
01:17:13.520 --> 01:17:19.840
about it. She can cook a meal on one. That's just how strongly they feel about it. And it's okay

1105
01:17:19.840 --> 01:17:25.840
because there are some things that we feel very strongly about. And so I don't know about

1106
01:17:25.840 --> 01:17:30.560
other cultures, but I know in the culture that I'm from, even my uncles, my cousins, my brothers,

1107
01:17:30.560 --> 01:17:38.400
they all say the same thing. So it could mean that you've been married before you were married for a

1108
01:17:38.400 --> 01:17:42.800
very long time, you know, and you were in for, you were married for a long time. And so now you're

1109
01:17:42.800 --> 01:17:47.200
trying to date and it's like, look, we ain't hear about no gender roles around here. We just trying

1110
01:17:47.200 --> 01:17:51.600
to get to know each other. Don't, don't put me in a place that I've not given you to put me,

1111
01:17:51.600 --> 01:17:56.240
but I want you to maybe consider not being concerned with that comment and just know

1112
01:17:56.240 --> 01:18:00.880
they're just being a man and just give them grace. And if they say, can you cook? Yeah, I can cook,

1113
01:18:01.760 --> 01:18:06.720
you know, or sure. You know, sure. I can cook. What's your favorite meal? Just make a conversation

1114
01:18:07.440 --> 01:18:14.480
and I also kind of step out of my comfort zone too. He was my culture and Ebony, I don't want

1115
01:18:14.480 --> 01:18:20.160
to go there, but he was my culture. And I know exactly what that's what they do. And I'm like,

1116
01:18:20.160 --> 01:18:27.040
it's like, confirm. That's why I don't want to go there all about the cooking and a lot of

1117
01:18:27.920 --> 01:18:35.600
this nonsense. And I'm like, listen, we're not even there yet. Come on guys. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah.

1118
01:18:35.600 --> 01:18:42.240
So yeah. And I did my perimeters is Virginia and around, should I take off the around?

1119
01:18:44.480 --> 01:18:48.400
I need you to go on a date. You've been getting a lot of practice in it. I want you to date.

1120
01:18:49.040 --> 01:18:56.960
Right. And I have one more question. When I have numbers throwing at me like crazy and I have this

1121
01:18:56.960 --> 01:19:01.840
old fashioned way where I kind of felt better where they reach out to me. Should I reach out

1122
01:19:01.840 --> 01:19:06.480
to them? I have numbers thrown at me like crazy. And I just don't feel like reaching out. Is that

1123
01:19:06.480 --> 01:19:12.000
something that I should do? You should reach out. You need to go on a date. Yes, I do. I do.

1124
01:19:15.360 --> 01:19:21.280
He gave you his number. He's saying, you can give me a call. I would like to get to know you.

1125
01:19:21.280 --> 01:19:25.040
As some men, as soon as they talk, they just put their number in the chat. It used to really get

1126
01:19:25.040 --> 01:19:28.000
on my nerves. I'm like, you think I'm going to call you and I don't know you. But after you've

1127
01:19:28.000 --> 01:19:32.240
been around here for a while, it's like, look, do you want to talk or not? I'm not going to sit on

1128
01:19:32.240 --> 01:19:36.080
this app and text you back and forth. But that's not, everyone doesn't have to do that because

1129
01:19:36.080 --> 01:19:42.800
somebody else is tired of the rigmarole. You're not going to get on no dating site. So they need

1130
01:19:42.800 --> 01:19:48.080
to follow whatever protocol you have in place if that's what you feel safe with. But Felicia,

1131
01:19:48.080 --> 01:19:52.720
you have to go on a date. And so they give you a number. You can say, hey, thanks for your number.

1132
01:19:52.720 --> 01:19:56.800
What's a good time to reach out to you? If you want to give it a little more space, like

1133
01:19:56.800 --> 01:19:59.840
a little more structure. Yeah.

1134
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.560
Do that. Okay. All right. I'm going on it. I'm getting it. All right. Go on a date by next Friday. Yes, I will. Thank you.

1135
01:20:09.640 --> 01:20:11.120
All right, Renee.

1136
01:20:14.640 --> 01:20:15.240
Hello.

1137
01:20:16.960 --> 01:20:24.240
I am like, Heather. I have not introduced myself and said hi to everybody. But hello, everyone.

1138
01:20:25.960 --> 01:20:28.520
I am I am

1139
01:20:29.520 --> 01:20:55.320
out there. So I do a lot of volunteering. I am around men all the time. And none of them are interested. It is actually an interesting dynamic. I've gone on a couple dates. But one, I call him sweater vest. Don't judge me. But he was wearing a sweater vest. I am not of the age of wearing a sweater vest at all.

1140
01:20:55.880 --> 01:21:22.520
Um, but I just, when Jackie said, find seven dates, I'm like, there are no men locally where I live. At least they have to have teeth. That's one of my requirements. You have to have all your teeth, like at least some of your teeth. You know, I'm not saying like, but I'm, I don't want you to have full dentures. But I do want you to have all your teeth and my area is famous for not having teeth.

1141
01:21:23.080 --> 01:21:44.920
Um, so I am, I'm just at a loss of when I go on these trips, and I'm around all these guys. Um, they don't see me as dating material. So I'm not really sure what I'm doing wrong. Or even when I'm online. I'm a very straightforward woman.

1142
01:21:45.880 --> 01:21:57.240
And so like, if the guy asked me about cooking, yeah, I probably would say something like, I'm sorry, but I don't mind to cook, but hopefully you can.

1143
01:21:59.640 --> 01:22:04.200
So I'm just not sure how to get the dates.

1144
01:22:04.760 --> 01:22:24.440
Yeah. Okay. Well, let us see your profile. Let us see your pictures. One. Okay. Number two, I re I require teeth as well. And I like them to be clean. Yes. Yes. I have learned that if they, if they do, I've worked through some situations. I'm like, Hey, we, we can rock, but you're gonna have to go get a deep clean.

1145
01:22:25.400 --> 01:22:50.440
I mean, if they have good quality, you now I'm telling you, you, as you learn, if you get to know people, somebody has some good qualities, there's some things you can help out with. Right. If you think that they have a good enough quality to get to know, um, valid, that comes with some time. But, you know, I don't always, you know, if I think you, you're dealing with, I'm dealing with a quality person. I pass your breath me, we can take care of it. I ain't got to leave.

1146
01:22:51.400 --> 01:23:13.320
Everybody's thinking sometime, let me be your friend, but if you think it's all the time, you can get your cavities or something done. But anyway, so Renee, let's look at your profile because you'll see what you're saying. And then if you are being straightforward, I want to ask you to put some sugar on top of your straightforward. And, um, have you watched the divine feminine yet?

1147
01:23:14.200 --> 01:23:16.520
I have, I'm pretty sure.

1148
01:23:17.480 --> 01:23:46.040
Sometimes our straightforwardness can be aggressive and abrasive. And it is a turnoff for me, for women to be that way, because that is not the femininity of a woman. A woman is feminine. But if we have a lot of protective measures, I am straightforward. I am, but there's a way that you can be straightforward. And you want to put some sentiment and sugar on your straightforwardness and soft. So you want to become softer.

1149
01:23:46.120 --> 01:24:03.560
And I don't know how long you've had to do life on your own. There are a lot of things that cause us to operate more in our masculine order. When you have to take care of yourself, do things for yourself, all of that pulls out the more masculine part of you. And so in this process, you have to learn how to become softer along the way.

1150
01:24:06.040 --> 01:24:12.280
And being abrasive, aggressive, straightforward is not going to get you a date because no man wants to date a man.

1151
01:24:13.080 --> 01:24:39.160
Right. And that's hard for me because I am, I'm ex-military. And I worked with all men. So I, I try to be soft, but it really is difficult because especially working with all men, I had to tell them what to do and assert myself very much so. And it's just part of my personality.

1152
01:24:39.160 --> 01:24:39.480
Also, I'm just, it's not aggressiveness. I'll just, I tell you like it is. I don't fluff. I try to be soft, but it's not as great. I really do. Unless, but if you bother me, I'm going to tell you, or I'll be

1153
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.920
Straightforward like with those scammers. I'm just straightforward with them. I like dude. You don't know what you're talking about

1154
01:25:05.240 --> 01:25:12.800
I'm not writing around and that's just so I'm I'm not really sure how to be soft in a way that

1155
01:25:13.200 --> 01:25:15.200
Men don't see it as threatening

1156
01:25:16.600 --> 01:25:19.760
Yes, that's a good point or that I need a rescuer

1157
01:25:19.760 --> 01:25:24.800
I guess the other one is either I go to trying to find a rescuer if I want to be soft

1158
01:25:24.800 --> 01:25:26.640
So I don't know the balance

1159
01:25:26.640 --> 01:25:32.360
Right, you you don't know the balance. So let's start with I don't know. Do you wear dresses? I do

1160
01:25:32.360 --> 01:25:34.360
I actually love to wear a dress

1161
01:25:34.600 --> 01:25:37.400
Okay, do you smile a lot? I do

1162
01:25:38.280 --> 01:25:44.040
Okay, do you make eye contact with me in a smile outside of work? I know you can't do it at work. I do

1163
01:25:45.520 --> 01:25:47.080
Okay

1164
01:25:47.080 --> 01:25:50.400
Usually those things will help a woman soften up if she's not soft

1165
01:25:50.400 --> 01:25:54.680
It seems very simple, but it will soften you as a woman because you feel more dainty

1166
01:25:55.120 --> 01:26:02.520
The goal is to get a dainty feeling and so do you wear makeup? Do you wear earrings? Do you wear jewelry?

1167
01:26:03.200 --> 01:26:06.240
Do you wear clothes that are more flattering to your body? I

1168
01:26:07.840 --> 01:26:13.200
Do I don't wear makeup that much I try I'm trying to get in the habit of wearing more makeup

1169
01:26:14.680 --> 01:26:18.880
But I am a tall woman also and dainty is hard

1170
01:26:18.880 --> 01:26:20.880
I

1171
01:26:45.200 --> 01:26:47.720
Want you to take a picture of what you may wear on a date

1172
01:26:48.320 --> 01:26:52.680
Okay, I think we can help you tap into your femininity

1173
01:26:52.680 --> 01:26:59.080
It is challenging for you to tap into femininity if you work with men and you have to be like them on job

1174
01:26:59.120 --> 01:27:01.840
so I don't want you to beat yourself up and I

1175
01:27:02.120 --> 01:27:08.200
Don't know what your history is with being feminine or what your history is out to get all that plays a role in how we show

1176
01:27:08.200 --> 01:27:13.760
Up, um now and so it may be a journey, but we can help get you there. And I know you think it's hard

1177
01:27:14.760 --> 01:27:16.240
What it's hard for you to do

1178
01:27:16.240 --> 01:27:21.880
but whatever you have to do you're gonna we're gonna have to get you soft because no man wants to date a man and

1179
01:27:22.360 --> 01:27:26.800
Right. You want a husband and you're gonna learn now because when you get married

1180
01:27:26.800 --> 01:27:30.900
He's not gonna want to be another man from your job and you're gonna do that

1181
01:27:31.040 --> 01:27:35.800
You are more likely gonna do it than you are to do something else because that's what you're shaped in

1182
01:27:35.880 --> 01:27:39.220
And you're gonna feel like you can't help yourself, but I'm telling you you can

1183
01:27:39.780 --> 01:27:45.740
You have to deny yourself your natural inclinations and say no

1184
01:27:45.740 --> 01:27:48.740
I'm not gonna operate that way, right?

1185
01:27:49.420 --> 01:27:54.300
if I if if the man doesn't I've been married before and if my when my

1186
01:27:54.460 --> 01:27:56.740
Ex-husband didn't step up to play. I was like, that's fine

1187
01:27:56.740 --> 01:27:59.340
I'll do it like I'm gonna do it if you're not gonna do it

1188
01:27:59.340 --> 01:28:03.660
And so he put me in the role of being more masculine

1189
01:28:04.380 --> 01:28:05.860
Than

1190
01:28:05.860 --> 01:28:11.540
What he was supposed to and so it just became a natural thing with me to be like, don't worry

1191
01:28:11.540 --> 01:28:13.540
I got this I'll handle this

1192
01:28:13.860 --> 01:28:15.860
right and

1193
01:28:16.740 --> 01:28:23.660
Yeah, yeah, you just naturally do it. Yeah, it happened when I was married a woman's like, okay, you can't get the job done

1194
01:28:23.660 --> 01:28:25.660
I'm trying to get the job done. I have to get the job done

1195
01:28:25.660 --> 01:28:30.340
I just got to do what I got to do and a woman will take over and do that and she doesn't realize it's turning

1196
01:28:30.340 --> 01:28:34.980
Her into the masculine role and then she keeps demanding of him, but he's not gonna step up in that way

1197
01:28:35.300 --> 01:28:37.420
So how however though?

1198
01:28:37.420 --> 01:28:43.660
Um, and then some things you can do when you start dating in conversation when a man shares something you can be like

1199
01:28:43.660 --> 01:28:47.980
Oh, that's a good idea or that's an idea. It don't have to be a good idea

1200
01:28:47.980 --> 01:28:52.380
Just say that's an idea like it's that type of language that helps you

1201
01:28:53.180 --> 01:28:55.860
Like it helps you like if y'all are like this

1202
01:28:55.900 --> 01:29:01.740
Helps you drop down a little bit and shifts his position here a man likes to know that he had a good idea

1203
01:29:02.380 --> 01:29:05.460
Women like to know that there they want to be right in my way

1204
01:29:05.460 --> 01:29:08.780
It's the right way and can't you just see that my way is the right way and if you just do it the way that

1205
01:29:08.780 --> 01:29:13.660
I tell you you understand that what I said was right all along because what I say is right and

1206
01:29:14.340 --> 01:29:18.220
If it don't work, then we can consider what you said, but it is gonna work because what I say is right

1207
01:29:19.900 --> 01:29:21.900
Right

1208
01:29:22.660 --> 01:29:27.320
Very much running script inside of us. And so we're gonna let us look at your profile

1209
01:29:27.420 --> 01:29:32.620
Let us see your profile and then let's start coaching through your conversations, you know

1210
01:29:33.420 --> 01:29:36.320
Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it

1211
01:29:39.140 --> 01:29:41.140
Pretty

1212
01:29:43.180 --> 01:29:47.140
Hello, hey girl, how are you good?

1213
01:29:48.140 --> 01:29:54.540
Okay, so I did not have a conversation with my friend yet and I'm I'm kind of dilly-dallying

1214
01:29:55.460 --> 01:30:00.140
We haven't been around in the same city like for a long time. Like I had some travel

1215
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.880
And he had some trouble but the times that we did meet like it was kind of weird too

1216
01:30:05.080 --> 01:30:12.140
Like because it was very specific about some logistics, and it was just kind of like hey like let's go on a coffee date

1217
01:30:12.140 --> 01:30:17.420
I didn't muster courage for it, but also it was kind of honest like it was not the right fit at that time

1218
01:30:17.420 --> 01:30:20.420
But having said that I have challenged myself to do it and sometime in

1219
01:30:21.020 --> 01:30:27.980
This month so hopefully I'll have an update for you soon, but I did recreate my profile

1220
01:30:28.980 --> 01:30:33.860
Or create new profile based on because Marley lives in my town right so she

1221
01:30:34.180 --> 01:30:37.900
Give me feedback about hinge being a good app

1222
01:30:37.900 --> 01:30:43.140
So I had not tried that because I generally got the feedback that it's good for people in their 20s

1223
01:30:43.540 --> 01:30:50.320
But anyway, I'm on it now, and I recreated my profile on bumble. I showed some friends of mine

1224
01:30:50.920 --> 01:30:54.700
My pictures, but I'm happy to also post it because I've actually never like it'll be really nice

1225
01:30:54.700 --> 01:31:01.340
If I could have your oversight on that in terms of pictures. I'm a little conservative with my pictures

1226
01:31:02.660 --> 01:31:08.660
But you know like I mean you can tell me if this is good or not and I'll update but anyway

1227
01:31:08.660 --> 01:31:10.660
I'm there on two

1228
01:31:11.540 --> 01:31:15.100
Websites I haven't had like I haven't had anybody ask me out

1229
01:31:16.500 --> 01:31:19.540
But I am taking the challenge of the seven dates

1230
01:31:20.140 --> 01:31:23.820
Like I really need to like I haven't even had a date since like

1231
01:31:23.980 --> 01:31:29.260
Cove it so it'll be really good for me to at least get out there once or seven times rather

1232
01:31:30.660 --> 01:31:32.260
and

1233
01:31:32.260 --> 01:31:33.460
I

1234
01:31:33.460 --> 01:31:36.220
Have like I mean you know I'm relatively new in this face

1235
01:31:36.220 --> 01:31:41.180
So I'm really learning a lot like I just finished watching dating 101 which was super helpful

1236
01:31:42.540 --> 01:31:43.620
for me

1237
01:31:44.100 --> 01:31:50.700
I think somebody already talked about like how to be safe in an online dating culture like those things have been super helpful

1238
01:31:50.700 --> 01:31:53.140
So I'm making a lot of notes and applying

1239
01:31:53.860 --> 01:32:00.780
Those principles, but I asked a question if some you or someone could tell me I've not tried Facebook dating

1240
01:32:00.940 --> 01:32:05.380
But also like I just want to be careful because I have a lot of snoopy relatives on

1241
01:32:06.700 --> 01:32:10.220
Facebook who I don't really want to share what's happening in my life

1242
01:32:10.220 --> 01:32:15.620
And so like if I get on the website, can they see like okay?

1243
01:32:18.140 --> 01:32:20.140
Yeah

1244
01:32:21.860 --> 01:32:25.660
If they're on Facebook dating they're a guy they will see you're

1245
01:32:26.460 --> 01:32:31.940
Okay, and if somebody in your family life is a female and they like females they probably

1246
01:32:32.340 --> 01:32:38.620
Okay, gotcha gotcha, but like general friends won't be able to see that. I don't know they can't see that you're on Facebook dating

1247
01:32:38.660 --> 01:32:43.100
Okay, okay. Okay. Okay. So then I guess I will join that and see how that goes

1248
01:32:43.740 --> 01:32:46.940
Yeah, all the way they can see it. It's a guy

1249
01:32:47.500 --> 01:32:53.580
Who sees you then knows your family and it's like, oh I saw

1250
01:32:54.500 --> 01:32:56.140
pretty on

1251
01:32:56.140 --> 01:32:59.060
Right. Yeah, I mean that's a risk

1252
01:32:59.060 --> 01:33:06.100
I'm willing to take like most people who are snooping around are already married. I don't think they're on dating website

1253
01:33:06.860 --> 01:33:12.060
But yeah, like I'm taking the challenge of like getting out on dates pretty seriously

1254
01:33:12.060 --> 01:33:17.820
And I think it'll be good practice for me as I told you like I have no like real dating experience

1255
01:33:17.820 --> 01:33:19.820
It'll be kind of really good

1256
01:33:22.700 --> 01:33:24.700
Have you had any conversations

1257
01:33:25.660 --> 01:33:31.220
Yeah, like I introduced like so on bumble you reach out first. Yeah, right and so

1258
01:33:31.740 --> 01:33:37.500
Like I have been more thoughtful about asking more thoughtful opening questions, so I've done that

1259
01:33:38.540 --> 01:33:43.460
People have responded now again like Canadians, especially where I am

1260
01:33:43.460 --> 01:33:46.740
We go crazy in the summer, right? Like we have hundred good days or weather

1261
01:33:47.060 --> 01:33:53.140
So like we're all out and about so the two three people I connected like either somebody else's in a music

1262
01:33:53.140 --> 01:33:59.380
So I'm going for a music concert that night. So we just let them know. Hey like thank you for connecting, but I'm away tonight

1263
01:33:59.940 --> 01:34:04.060
Like I'll connect tomorrow and then we just have not connected

1264
01:34:04.300 --> 01:34:08.220
But like I mean as I was listening to you

1265
01:34:08.220 --> 01:34:14.620
I was encouraged and I just sent like an update message to the three people that I connected with

1266
01:34:14.780 --> 01:34:19.140
Other people like, you know when you connect with them and you ask them a question if they are not interested

1267
01:34:19.140 --> 01:34:23.420
They just don't respond and they cannot disappear in a bubble like that's what's happened

1268
01:34:23.940 --> 01:34:25.940
for most of the profiles

1269
01:34:26.780 --> 01:34:27.900
But

1270
01:34:27.900 --> 01:34:32.420
I'm happy to share like screenshots of my profile and can I get feedback?

1271
01:34:32.420 --> 01:34:38.340
I showed it to my friends who have been like helping me in small ways like they're not part of this program

1272
01:34:38.340 --> 01:34:40.500
But like everybody's kind of just wait like, you know

1273
01:34:40.500 --> 01:34:44.420
They've been I kind of have like my tribe of people who are like rally

1274
01:34:45.940 --> 01:34:52.020
Right now and so like they told me okay show me pictures that you use like, you know, like blah blah blah

1275
01:34:52.020 --> 01:34:54.020
they read what I

1276
01:34:54.020 --> 01:34:59.860
What I've said about myself and they were like, yeah, you're not lying you're not like you're sounding enthusiastic

1277
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:02.000
Yeah, sticking out good

1278
01:35:02.600 --> 01:35:07.120
But yeah, like I mean, it'll be great to just like have your inputs on it

1279
01:35:07.120 --> 01:35:11.680
So I'll share it but like I am believing like I mean

1280
01:35:11.680 --> 01:35:17.120
I wrote down all the affirmations that we went through yesterday's activation again

1281
01:35:17.120 --> 01:35:22.840
And I'm them because again like yes, I have no history or yes, like, you know

1282
01:35:22.840 --> 01:35:28.880
I've not had a successful history, but like I do believe that it's gonna change and I'm just kind of going from there

1283
01:35:29.120 --> 01:35:35.080
Yeah, be great. That sounds good. Pretty. I'm happy for you. Okay. Thank you. Yes

1284
01:35:35.080 --> 01:35:38.120
I am hoping to give you an update soon. Please pray for courage

1285
01:35:38.840 --> 01:35:44.960
Yeah, you know what? You can't tell him like hey, I'm in this new dating group and they said that friends make good dates

1286
01:35:44.960 --> 01:35:46.960
I thought about you

1287
01:35:50.120 --> 01:35:54.520
Okay, that's that's a better like that's a like less awkward, okay

1288
01:35:54.520 --> 01:35:59.560
That's helpful. Like I give say give no giving you honest real feedback. What do you think about it?

1289
01:35:59.560 --> 01:36:03.120
You know, yeah, he's gonna say something be like, okay. Well, okay

1290
01:36:04.120 --> 01:36:08.920
Cool. Cool. I will try that. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome Byron

1291
01:36:15.120 --> 01:36:16.680
Oh

1292
01:36:16.680 --> 01:36:18.240
Hey

1293
01:36:18.240 --> 01:36:20.880
well, I want to tell you that I

1294
01:36:21.760 --> 01:36:23.480
Did step up

1295
01:36:23.480 --> 01:36:28.480
when we got off the call last week, and so I did go and

1296
01:36:29.280 --> 01:36:32.320
Did a challenge where she said to put something out on?

1297
01:36:33.400 --> 01:36:36.840
Facebook and I was just like hey y'all

1298
01:36:37.360 --> 01:36:43.000
Your girl here is coming is coming out of hiding my coming out of hiding is

1299
01:36:44.000 --> 01:36:46.240
you know, I haven't dated in years and

1300
01:36:46.240 --> 01:36:48.120
And

1301
01:36:48.120 --> 01:36:50.240
Hey, so this is what I'm doing

1302
01:36:50.240 --> 01:36:54.720
so I told everybody that and I got a lot of really good feedback a

1303
01:36:55.120 --> 01:37:01.080
lot of people from my church and they was like, oh my gosh and because I also put in there that

1304
01:37:02.040 --> 01:37:09.440
I've never been I've never been married before and this would be you know, you know a first first for me

1305
01:37:09.440 --> 01:37:15.080
I put in there that if you know of anybody and because you know me

1306
01:37:15.520 --> 01:37:17.080
then

1307
01:37:17.080 --> 01:37:20.800
You feel that they're a good connection that there will be a good connect

1308
01:37:21.440 --> 01:37:24.880
Then hey, feel free to send me a message

1309
01:37:25.760 --> 01:37:31.240
Because I said I'm just I'm dating but I'm datings with intention of becoming a wife

1310
01:37:31.240 --> 01:37:36.400
And so I got a lot of you know, good comments and everything and some people sent me something

1311
01:37:36.400 --> 01:37:41.520
No one have actually really sent me any connections, but I had this one girl

1312
01:37:42.520 --> 01:37:48.880
To send me something she was in my women my single women group. I used to have that some years ago and

1313
01:37:49.560 --> 01:37:54.000
She sent me some and she was like miss Byrne. You're so sweet what I did

1314
01:37:54.000 --> 01:37:59.960
I took your information and she just blasted it everywhere and and no here come the day

1315
01:37:59.960 --> 01:38:02.640
He'll come the enemy was like see you never

1316
01:38:02.640 --> 01:38:04.640
And

1317
01:38:10.640 --> 01:38:12.920
She was saying miss Byrne is such a sweet lady

1318
01:38:13.160 --> 01:38:14.160
She was you know

1319
01:38:14.160 --> 01:38:18.760
One of my she was in my single women's group and and you know

1320
01:38:18.760 --> 01:38:24.720
She have to be good because she was security. She's a security to the all of the female ministers

1321
01:38:24.720 --> 01:38:31.600
I wasn't well, which we call it an escort and she was like and she's great and she say so miss Byrne

1322
01:38:31.600 --> 01:38:35.600
I hope you're okay with that. I was like I said, I miss I said, thank you. So she's a younger girl

1323
01:38:35.600 --> 01:38:38.080
I said, thank you so much, and I appreciate it

1324
01:38:38.280 --> 01:38:44.040
However, I did go on and tell some of my friends a few of my friends. I did tell them

1325
01:38:44.040 --> 01:38:49.480
I did tell some of my sisters. I have five sisters. I had seven but I have five sisters

1326
01:38:49.480 --> 01:38:55.040
And so I told two of them about it and they were like, yeah, you know

1327
01:38:55.040 --> 01:38:57.960
I told my brother and he don't care cuz he was like girl

1328
01:38:58.680 --> 01:38:59.640
You

1329
01:38:59.640 --> 01:39:05.960
you just eat grass you're not gonna eat nothing when you go and you come to everything with your own food because I

1330
01:39:06.240 --> 01:39:12.080
I am funny with that because I wouldn't well, I guess you can say I'm vegetarian there

1331
01:39:12.080 --> 01:39:16.760
Whatever whatever cuz I don't eat meat, but I can pack down with some fruit and vegetables and all of that

1332
01:39:16.760 --> 01:39:22.120
He was like no man's gonna have you and he just runs this by me every time because you're too picky

1333
01:39:22.320 --> 01:39:25.960
But anyway, so I'm really excited about it

1334
01:39:26.920 --> 01:39:33.000
Because I'm just looking forward to the practicing and and getting a chance to just yeah

1335
01:39:33.000 --> 01:39:34.920
and now that I know when you

1336
01:39:34.920 --> 01:39:39.600
made made me feel the other week about it was not as scary when you was like

1337
01:39:40.080 --> 01:39:42.680
Y'all just going to you know

1338
01:39:42.800 --> 01:39:49.920
You're talking to it's not saying that you may just marry them or anything like that. Maybe you're just going and you're you're

1339
01:39:50.240 --> 01:39:55.200
Finding out about yourself a lot of things about yourself in the dating and everything

1340
01:39:55.200 --> 01:39:59.440
So what I the other thing that I did too was that someone mentioned

1341
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.720
Facebook dating, you mentioned that, and then somebody put in there the Holi app.

1342
01:40:06.720 --> 01:40:13.600
And so I did go on the Holi app and I set up a profile and everything, and that's been

1343
01:40:13.600 --> 01:40:14.600
fun.

1344
01:40:14.600 --> 01:40:19.680
Now, I haven't gotten anybody to, I haven't gotten a date yet or anything like that, but

1345
01:40:19.680 --> 01:40:24.800
I was enjoying going through reading their profiles and everything.

1346
01:40:24.800 --> 01:40:26.200
So it was really interesting.

1347
01:40:26.200 --> 01:40:32.480
I'm in Atlanta, Georgia, so I haven't really got any, I had a few people from Georgia that

1348
01:40:32.480 --> 01:40:38.920
I was looking at, but the ones that I'm seeing now is just like a plethora of people all

1349
01:40:38.920 --> 01:40:39.920
over.

1350
01:40:39.920 --> 01:40:42.640
But it's still been interesting just reading their profiles.

1351
01:40:42.640 --> 01:40:44.480
I have been enjoying that.

1352
01:40:44.480 --> 01:40:50.760
And I'm also going to, I'm going to do the Facebook to go on and do that as well.

1353
01:40:50.760 --> 01:40:55.120
I'm on Facebook all the time at night because I work overnight.

1354
01:40:55.120 --> 01:40:58.040
I work in hospice.

1355
01:40:58.040 --> 01:41:00.920
So I have clients that I have overnight, so I'm up all night.

1356
01:41:00.920 --> 01:41:06.080
So usually I'm on Facebook marketplace, but I was like, okay, let me go make a profile

1357
01:41:06.080 --> 01:41:07.880
and then I can do that.

1358
01:41:07.880 --> 01:41:14.320
So I'm really excited about it and I've been enjoying listening to everybody else, you

1359
01:41:14.320 --> 01:41:16.480
know, that have gone before me.

1360
01:41:16.480 --> 01:41:17.800
So it's been really interesting.

1361
01:41:17.800 --> 01:41:21.880
I did kind of up my age range.

1362
01:41:21.880 --> 01:41:25.280
I just turned 60, the young age of 62.

1363
01:41:25.280 --> 01:41:35.960
So I said between 60 and 73, that was my, that's my age range.

1364
01:41:35.960 --> 01:41:40.680
And so, yeah, I've been seeing some nice people out there that I've been sending.

1365
01:41:40.680 --> 01:41:48.880
I did have, but my question was, one of the questions was, let's see, you said something

1366
01:41:48.880 --> 01:41:55.400
about what's Google, you said, like, you don't give your real number.

1367
01:41:55.400 --> 01:42:00.280
You give like a, like WhatsApp or Google or what, what did y'all say about that?

1368
01:42:00.280 --> 01:42:03.120
I didn't say don't, you can give your real number.

1369
01:42:03.120 --> 01:42:07.880
I don't, you, well, you can get a Google number and so then you could just look for a Google

1370
01:42:07.880 --> 01:42:10.920
number, like go to Google and say Google number.

1371
01:42:10.920 --> 01:42:15.160
I think that's what you can put in there and you can get a Google number.

1372
01:42:15.440 --> 01:42:20.080
It'll come to your phone, just like when you get that Google number, they'll call that

1373
01:42:20.080 --> 01:42:24.000
number, text that number, it'll come to your phone, just like your regular phone would,

1374
01:42:24.000 --> 01:42:25.840
just like your regular number would.

1375
01:42:25.840 --> 01:42:26.840
Okay.

1376
01:42:26.840 --> 01:42:27.840
Okay.

1377
01:42:27.840 --> 01:42:33.520
Now I do have WhatsApp and I did, I had a guy on Facebook.

1378
01:42:33.520 --> 01:42:39.200
I thought he was a friend of somebody from school and I was going to, I was thinking

1379
01:42:39.200 --> 01:42:42.360
I was going to be able to look at his stuff or whatever.

1380
01:42:42.360 --> 01:42:47.520
And I hit yes for the friend request and I tried to unfriend him really quick, but

1381
01:42:47.520 --> 01:42:53.200
he must've been sitting there waiting on me and he sent a message right back.

1382
01:42:53.200 --> 01:43:01.040
And I found out really quick in reference to the scammers because we talked on WhatsApp.

1383
01:43:01.040 --> 01:43:05.640
He quickly sent me a WhatsApp, but he also, in our conversation, he told me a couple of

1384
01:43:05.640 --> 01:43:10.840
things and because I worked with a phone company years and years ago, I knew about the country

1385
01:43:10.840 --> 01:43:17.080
codes and he told me he had a little daughter over that she was in boarding school in London.

1386
01:43:17.080 --> 01:43:21.080
And so when I got that number, it was a London code.

1387
01:43:21.080 --> 01:43:27.720
But anyway, my daughter, who's a police officer, just saw me acting foolish there and kind

1388
01:43:27.720 --> 01:43:28.720
of secretive.

1389
01:43:28.720 --> 01:43:32.680
And she was like, mom, I don't know what you're doing, but you better let me see so I can

1390
01:43:32.680 --> 01:43:35.340
make sure that everything is okay.

1391
01:43:35.340 --> 01:43:40.040
And so in about two days, I'm going to tell you this, you guys are in about, we talked

1392
01:43:40.040 --> 01:43:41.040
for four days.

1393
01:43:41.040 --> 01:43:45.200
The second day, he threw out there about how beautiful I was.

1394
01:43:45.200 --> 01:43:51.440
Now, he only saw the pictures, not me in person because we didn't talk that way.

1395
01:43:51.440 --> 01:43:56.560
But the second day we had a conversation, he started asking about money and the way

1396
01:43:56.560 --> 01:44:00.640
he did it, he was like, you know, I would really love to continue talking to you.

1397
01:44:00.640 --> 01:44:04.720
He said, but I'm, I'm, I'm offshore.

1398
01:44:04.720 --> 01:44:13.640
And his cash app, not a cash app, Apple pay card or whatever, something about he needed

1399
01:44:13.640 --> 01:44:17.660
to load that because something was going on with this money being held up.

1400
01:44:17.660 --> 01:44:21.800
And I can joke around with you all day long, but I'm pretty smart too.

1401
01:44:21.800 --> 01:44:23.800
So I'm listening to what he's saying.

1402
01:44:23.800 --> 01:44:28.360
And so me, you know, I'm talking to him about God and God's going to work it out and tell

1403
01:44:28.360 --> 01:44:29.820
him all these things like that.

1404
01:44:29.820 --> 01:44:34.780
But anyway, so the next time he came around and asked about the money, he was like, I

1405
01:44:34.780 --> 01:44:38.460
really want to talk to you and I don't want this to be our last date.

1406
01:44:38.460 --> 01:44:43.140
And I say, well, you know what, let me tell you this, I haven't dated in over 20 years.

1407
01:44:43.140 --> 01:44:48.140
So if we wait till Jan, till June, which was my birthday, he was like, he was going to

1408
01:44:48.140 --> 01:44:49.140
come to Atlanta.

1409
01:44:49.140 --> 01:44:53.840
I say, that gives us time to just, you know, think about if we really want to get a chance

1410
01:44:53.840 --> 01:44:55.060
to see each other.

1411
01:44:55.060 --> 01:44:57.380
And then we can do that in June.

1412
01:44:57.380 --> 01:44:59.540
I want to talk to you now.

1413
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.680
I want to be, and I was like, wait one minute.

1414
01:45:02.680 --> 01:45:04.920
And so, and I was telling him, I was like,

1415
01:45:04.920 --> 01:45:07.000
we don't, we shouldn't have to rush about this

1416
01:45:07.000 --> 01:45:09.900
because we only been talking like four days.

1417
01:45:09.900 --> 01:45:13.020
Well, so the way I got rid of him

1418
01:45:13.020 --> 01:45:15.300
and I really was getting ready to go down

1419
01:45:15.300 --> 01:45:17.460
for my daughter to switch out her car.

1420
01:45:17.460 --> 01:45:19.620
And so, and I was like, listen, you know

1421
01:45:19.620 --> 01:45:21.500
we don't get a chance to talk again.

1422
01:45:21.500 --> 01:45:22.940
You know, I think you're very great.

1423
01:45:22.940 --> 01:45:25.860
You're a great guy and you know, whatever, whatever.

1424
01:45:25.860 --> 01:45:28.340
And I say, but I have to go at my daughter

1425
01:45:28.340 --> 01:45:31.340
down to the police precinct to switch out her car.

1426
01:45:31.340 --> 01:45:32.300
And I wasn't lying.

1427
01:45:32.300 --> 01:45:33.620
I said, we didn't, you know.

1428
01:45:33.620 --> 01:45:36.900
And so I asked my daughter later, I say,

1429
01:45:36.900 --> 01:45:38.340
hey, I want to ask you about something.

1430
01:45:38.340 --> 01:45:40.400
She said, mom, I know you've been doing something.

1431
01:45:40.400 --> 01:45:42.820
She say, but I told you to let me check this out.

1432
01:45:42.820 --> 01:45:46.600
And I said, listen, he have my pictures

1433
01:45:46.600 --> 01:45:48.700
because from Facebook.

1434
01:45:48.700 --> 01:45:51.580
And then one day he said, take a picture, send it to me.

1435
01:45:51.580 --> 01:45:53.220
And I'm gonna take a picture and send to you.

1436
01:45:53.220 --> 01:45:55.660
And we did that, but you can still send me anything.

1437
01:45:55.660 --> 01:45:56.940
I said, click it then.

1438
01:45:56.980 --> 01:45:59.460
But anyway, so come to find, I told my daughter,

1439
01:45:59.460 --> 01:46:01.580
I said, how do I go in and block him?

1440
01:46:01.580 --> 01:46:03.260
And she was like, I'll just let you sit there

1441
01:46:03.260 --> 01:46:05.760
cause I told you to talk to me first

1442
01:46:05.760 --> 01:46:06.940
about what you're doing.

1443
01:46:06.940 --> 01:46:09.180
So I did, I went on and blocked him and all that.

1444
01:46:09.180 --> 01:46:11.180
I was like, cause I'm afraid my picture

1445
01:46:11.180 --> 01:46:14.100
is gonna show up somewhere and you know,

1446
01:46:14.100 --> 01:46:16.100
on some porn or whatever.

1447
01:46:16.100 --> 01:46:18.220
But anyway, so I got out of that.

1448
01:46:18.220 --> 01:46:20.540
So I do know, you know, what to look for

1449
01:46:20.540 --> 01:46:22.780
with the scammers and stuff because she have,

1450
01:46:22.780 --> 01:46:24.340
you know, went over those things for me

1451
01:46:24.340 --> 01:46:27.220
because I just don't know how to date like this now

1452
01:46:27.220 --> 01:46:31.620
with all of the, but I'm up to, you know,

1453
01:46:31.620 --> 01:46:35.260
trying something and I'm excited for my first date.

1454
01:46:35.260 --> 01:46:36.100
Yeah.

1455
01:46:36.100 --> 01:46:37.940
And Ms. Byrne too, I want you,

1456
01:46:37.940 --> 01:46:40.660
when most of the time in my experience,

1457
01:46:40.660 --> 01:46:43.500
when people use WhatsApp, it's just already like,

1458
01:46:43.500 --> 01:46:46.140
oh, this is already, I don't use WhatsApp like that.

1459
01:46:46.140 --> 01:46:50.100
I have people that like group chats, but not dating.

1460
01:46:50.100 --> 01:46:52.620
Cause every time someone in my experience,

1461
01:46:53.060 --> 01:46:56.260
online dating wanna use WhatsApp, they're usually scammers.

1462
01:46:56.260 --> 01:46:57.980
Yeah. That's what they, that's what they told.

1463
01:46:57.980 --> 01:46:59.100
She told me that.

1464
01:46:59.100 --> 01:47:01.980
And then when I went back to look something up

1465
01:47:01.980 --> 01:47:04.860
about WhatsApp, it did say that to be careful

1466
01:47:04.860 --> 01:47:07.020
cause they, that's what they use.

1467
01:47:07.020 --> 01:47:08.060
Yeah.

1468
01:47:08.060 --> 01:47:09.580
But yeah, you handle it well.

1469
01:47:09.580 --> 01:47:12.500
And I want you to know the thought,

1470
01:47:12.500 --> 01:47:14.540
somebody can get your picture from anywhere.

1471
01:47:14.540 --> 01:47:16.260
Cause a lot of times we think, oh, they got my number.

1472
01:47:16.260 --> 01:47:17.180
Oh, they got my picture.

1473
01:47:17.180 --> 01:47:18.620
You could type in somebody's number

1474
01:47:18.620 --> 01:47:20.060
and pull up where they live.

1475
01:47:20.060 --> 01:47:20.900
Yes.

1476
01:47:20.940 --> 01:47:23.740
Who their mama is, who they can people is like,

1477
01:47:23.740 --> 01:47:26.860
you just type it in a people search or just type it in.

1478
01:47:26.860 --> 01:47:28.340
It's so much information comes up.

1479
01:47:28.340 --> 01:47:31.380
And that's why I don't want anyone to feel fearful

1480
01:47:31.380 --> 01:47:33.620
about that because I've looked up so much information

1481
01:47:33.620 --> 01:47:36.660
on people I shouldn't even know who they could be.

1482
01:47:36.660 --> 01:47:38.380
I'm just saying, you know, but it's all there.

1483
01:47:38.380 --> 01:47:41.500
Their last, it lists literally every address they had

1484
01:47:41.500 --> 01:47:43.420
in the last 10 years online.

1485
01:47:43.420 --> 01:47:44.340
That's true.

1486
01:47:44.340 --> 01:47:45.180
Yeah.

1487
01:47:45.180 --> 01:47:47.420
So you're not, you're not, you're not,

1488
01:47:48.300 --> 01:47:50.500
if somebody was crazy, they just crazy.

1489
01:47:51.300 --> 01:47:53.380
Like they hunt you down, they hunt you down.

1490
01:47:53.380 --> 01:47:56.180
It wasn't nothing that you could have done to do that.

1491
01:47:56.180 --> 01:47:57.020
Right.

1492
01:47:57.020 --> 01:47:58.700
Unless you gave them your checking account number.

1493
01:47:58.700 --> 01:47:59.820
They can't get that.

1494
01:47:59.820 --> 01:48:00.660
Right.

1495
01:48:00.660 --> 01:48:02.100
But no, I'm excited for you.

1496
01:48:02.100 --> 01:48:03.820
And I'm happy for you.

1497
01:48:03.820 --> 01:48:05.820
And I'm glad that that young lady,

1498
01:48:05.820 --> 01:48:07.420
someone put in the comments

1499
01:48:07.420 --> 01:48:09.180
and we're gonna catch the rest of y'all right quick.

1500
01:48:09.180 --> 01:48:11.020
Cause I know y'all have been waiting a long time

1501
01:48:11.020 --> 01:48:13.340
that she must've thought very highly of you.

1502
01:48:13.340 --> 01:48:15.060
And I'm actually glad she did post it

1503
01:48:15.060 --> 01:48:17.460
because her friends may have fathers

1504
01:48:17.460 --> 01:48:18.300
who are looking.

1505
01:48:18.300 --> 01:48:19.140
That's the thing.

1506
01:48:19.140 --> 01:48:20.940
They're looking for someone.

1507
01:48:20.940 --> 01:48:22.700
And so that was really good.

1508
01:48:22.700 --> 01:48:23.540
Yeah.

1509
01:48:23.540 --> 01:48:24.540
I did just to tell the girls in my group,

1510
01:48:24.540 --> 01:48:26.620
the younger girls, I'm like, okay,

1511
01:48:26.620 --> 01:48:28.900
if your dad and your mom are not together no more,

1512
01:48:28.900 --> 01:48:30.500
or your uncle, your brother.

1513
01:48:31.620 --> 01:48:33.100
And they would laugh at me all the time.

1514
01:48:33.100 --> 01:48:34.980
I used to tell that to my girls in high school

1515
01:48:34.980 --> 01:48:37.060
when I taught in, when I taught school.

1516
01:48:37.060 --> 01:48:39.420
And it was like, well, they, you know,

1517
01:48:39.420 --> 01:48:40.260
they used to call me auntie.

1518
01:48:40.260 --> 01:48:41.180
And they, I was like, look,

1519
01:48:41.180 --> 01:48:42.860
if your mom and dad are not together no more,

1520
01:48:42.860 --> 01:48:43.700
they separate.

1521
01:48:43.700 --> 01:48:44.540
Y'all know me.

1522
01:48:44.540 --> 01:48:47.100
Y'all know I'd be a good step-mom for her.

1523
01:48:47.100 --> 01:48:48.620
But anyway, I love to have fun.

1524
01:48:49.060 --> 01:48:49.900
And everything.

1525
01:48:49.900 --> 01:48:51.540
And I appreciate her doing that.

1526
01:48:51.540 --> 01:48:52.780
And it was just, you know,

1527
01:48:52.780 --> 01:48:55.780
her being thoughtful of me and everything.

1528
01:48:55.780 --> 01:48:57.180
So I appreciate her doing that.

1529
01:48:57.180 --> 01:48:58.500
So yeah.

1530
01:48:58.500 --> 01:48:59.340
Oh, great.

1531
01:48:59.340 --> 01:49:00.180
That's good.

1532
01:49:00.180 --> 01:49:01.020
All right.

1533
01:49:01.020 --> 01:49:02.980
Thanks for the update, Byron.

1534
01:49:02.980 --> 01:49:03.820
All right.

1535
01:49:03.820 --> 01:49:04.660
Stephanie.

1536
01:49:05.660 --> 01:49:06.500
Hi.

1537
01:49:08.060 --> 01:49:11.140
It's my first time talking on these calls.

1538
01:49:11.140 --> 01:49:13.180
So yeah.

1539
01:49:15.020 --> 01:49:16.620
I'm so nervous.

1540
01:49:18.620 --> 01:49:23.620
So I've done nothing yet, by the way,

1541
01:49:25.660 --> 01:49:27.180
except for come out of hiding.

1542
01:49:28.100 --> 01:49:29.620
But I know that's a big step.

1543
01:49:30.540 --> 01:49:31.940
So it is a big step.

1544
01:49:33.540 --> 01:49:36.340
I came out of hiding via text message

1545
01:49:36.340 --> 01:49:38.340
to like people in my community,

1546
01:49:38.340 --> 01:49:41.020
just because that's more of who I am

1547
01:49:41.020 --> 01:49:43.900
and my style and making it personal.

1548
01:49:43.900 --> 01:49:46.460
And I posted that in the group too,

1549
01:49:46.460 --> 01:49:51.100
because something you called out

1550
01:49:51.100 --> 01:49:54.140
was about the shame that was coming up.

1551
01:49:54.140 --> 01:49:57.820
And I wanted to inform my community of that

1552
01:49:57.820 --> 01:50:00.420
so they know how to also partner with me for prayer.

1553
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:06.360
And so I did that. I got really good response to that. My best

1554
01:50:06.360 --> 01:50:10.240
friend is excited because I came out of hiding. She's like,

1555
01:50:10.400 --> 01:50:13.640
finally, I can finally you're in phase two. So I can introduce

1556
01:50:13.640 --> 01:50:20.200
you to some guys freaked me out completely, though. But I was

1557
01:50:20.200 --> 01:50:28.240
like, All right, I'm open. And I know I want to do. I know those

1558
01:50:28.240 --> 01:50:32.680
can't be my first two dates. I feel like I need low risk for

1559
01:50:32.680 --> 01:50:38.120
one. So I know I want to get online again. Well, I know I

1560
01:50:38.120 --> 01:50:41.480
need to get online again. I don't want to because my last

1561
01:50:41.480 --> 01:50:45.960
experiences with getting online were not favorable. And I know

1562
01:50:45.960 --> 01:50:52.880
I'm a different person now. But my a couple of like my I my

1563
01:50:52.880 --> 01:50:56.440
last boyfriend met him on Facebook dating and then my ex

1564
01:50:56.440 --> 01:51:00.640
fiance I met on eHarmony. So yes, it's really challenging

1565
01:51:00.640 --> 01:51:08.680
for me to to take those steps. Especially because my with my

1566
01:51:08.760 --> 01:51:11.760
ex boyfriend, the last relationship, it was tough

1567
01:51:11.760 --> 01:51:16.160
because he's part of the that experience is part of the reason

1568
01:51:16.160 --> 01:51:19.400
why I even got off of Facebook got off Instagram just because

1569
01:51:19.400 --> 01:51:23.280
of his lack of trust level and just really cut off a lot of

1570
01:51:23.280 --> 01:51:27.080
people. And so I've even been reconnecting with with

1571
01:51:27.120 --> 01:51:34.000
friendships and stuff that he wasn't he didn't want me to be

1572
01:51:34.320 --> 01:51:40.000
connected with. So my so even so I know my Facebook dating would

1573
01:51:40.000 --> 01:51:43.760
also look a lot differently because of the fact that my

1574
01:51:43.760 --> 01:51:48.520
Facebook is a work email address and only because I do digital

1575
01:51:48.520 --> 01:51:55.160
marketing. So it's it's so stripped down. So yeah, so I'm

1576
01:51:55.160 --> 01:52:00.960
just I'm having trouble with navigating this season and just

1577
01:52:01.400 --> 01:52:06.800
also felt that urge from God to one, express how I'm feeling

1578
01:52:06.800 --> 01:52:11.320
nervous, how I am one of those people who was dragging my feet

1579
01:52:11.320 --> 01:52:15.400
through phase one and took the word of don't rush through the

1580
01:52:15.400 --> 01:52:19.400
process super seriously. And I not only didn't rush, I went

1581
01:52:19.400 --> 01:52:23.840
slower than probably what I should have. And I want to hold

1582
01:52:23.840 --> 01:52:27.560
myself accountable here and say it out loud that I'm, I might

1583
01:52:27.560 --> 01:52:31.680
try to do that here. So you may have to like boot me out of

1584
01:52:31.680 --> 01:52:35.640
phase two, because I'm one of those that will take my precious

1585
01:52:35.640 --> 01:52:41.840
time and want my hand held a little bit. But yeah, I'm, I'm

1586
01:52:41.840 --> 01:52:45.080
not sure how to, I haven't signed up for anything yet.

1587
01:52:45.800 --> 01:52:49.640
Because I didn't think I had any pictures, but I actually sat

1588
01:52:49.640 --> 01:52:52.560
down, look through my pictures over the last year. And I'm

1589
01:52:52.560 --> 01:52:55.640
like, Oh, I do have something I've gone to some weddings. I've

1590
01:52:55.960 --> 01:52:59.320
I've been places because I really don't like taking

1591
01:52:59.320 --> 01:53:04.920
pictures. So I also have to get out of that mode of not liking

1592
01:53:04.920 --> 01:53:07.080
taking pictures, because I feel like what do I do with my hands?

1593
01:53:07.080 --> 01:53:11.120
What? How do I stand? What do I do with my face? So right. It's

1594
01:53:11.120 --> 01:53:14.240
like, as soon as the camera comes up, it's like, it's like,

1595
01:53:14.240 --> 01:53:15.480
it doesn't even look like me.

1596
01:53:16.720 --> 01:53:21.560
Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm really happy for you that you did come

1597
01:53:21.560 --> 01:53:24.680
out of hiding. I've never if any coming out of hiding, I've

1598
01:53:24.680 --> 01:53:28.400
never posted on my Facebook page. That is not me. Y'all that

1599
01:53:28.400 --> 01:53:31.640
do that are brave and amazing. And you should do it because we

1600
01:53:31.640 --> 01:53:34.320
encourage you to do it because that's what Jackie says do. I

1601
01:53:34.320 --> 01:53:39.000
send text messages out. So or I told people face to face, which

1602
01:53:39.000 --> 01:53:42.480
was still the same, like really nerve wracking, but I just went

1603
01:53:42.480 --> 01:53:46.200
for it. So you did well, and I'm happy for you. And we're happy

1604
01:53:46.200 --> 01:53:49.720
to hold your hand. And, you know, even though you don't have

1605
01:53:49.720 --> 01:53:52.280
a personal profile set up with Facebook dating, you can still

1606
01:53:52.280 --> 01:53:55.240
go with the profile that you have. And this is something I

1607
01:53:55.240 --> 01:54:00.080
want to say. We before this program, a lot of us may have

1608
01:54:00.080 --> 01:54:03.080
done a lot of things. But I'm telling you, you're different

1609
01:54:03.080 --> 01:54:06.680
this time. And it's different this time. Because you're in a

1610
01:54:06.680 --> 01:54:11.280
program that is based off of the Word of God. This is a

1611
01:54:11.280 --> 01:54:15.320
culture of kingdom, we're having a revival of kingdom marriages.

1612
01:54:15.760 --> 01:54:19.880
This program has acceleration on it has an anointing upon it. And

1613
01:54:19.880 --> 01:54:23.200
it has the hand of God upon it and you're different. You set

1614
01:54:23.240 --> 01:54:27.600
under some teachings that help do soul work based on what God

1615
01:54:27.600 --> 01:54:30.960
poured into to Jackie, it is different. I don't care how many

1616
01:54:30.960 --> 01:54:33.840
counselors you've been to I have a therapist, I have a trauma

1617
01:54:33.880 --> 01:54:37.280
therapist, and she is excellent. But I thought the same thing

1618
01:54:37.280 --> 01:54:40.600
when I got out there. Oh, I did this. I did that I did. But it

1619
01:54:40.600 --> 01:54:44.680
was just different. Because you could feel God's hand on there's

1620
01:54:44.680 --> 01:54:47.240
an anointing on this program. So I just want to encourage you

1621
01:54:47.240 --> 01:54:49.960
guys with it. You may have dated on online dating in the past,

1622
01:54:49.960 --> 01:54:53.000
but you're a different woman. When you are different woman,

1623
01:54:53.000 --> 01:54:55.840
when you get different tools, when you strip out the old and

1624
01:54:55.840 --> 01:55:00.080
bring on the new, you see with fresh lenses. And so it is

1625
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:03.600
There's a tendency for us to go back to what we know,

1626
01:55:03.600 --> 01:55:05.880
but you don't have to do that this time.

1627
01:55:05.880 --> 01:55:07.800
Let's move forward into things

1628
01:55:07.800 --> 01:55:09.240
that you haven't practiced before,

1629
01:55:09.240 --> 01:55:10.880
things you haven't did before.

1630
01:55:10.880 --> 01:55:12.880
You're God-defended now.

1631
01:55:12.880 --> 01:55:15.200
You don't have to lean to your own wisdom.

1632
01:55:15.200 --> 01:55:18.760
You have the wisdom of God overseeing you on this journey,

1633
01:55:18.760 --> 01:55:20.600
getting you to a kingdom marriage.

1634
01:55:20.600 --> 01:55:22.520
God is invested in kingdom marriages.

1635
01:55:22.520 --> 01:55:23.960
See, a lot of times we're invested

1636
01:55:23.960 --> 01:55:25.440
into a marriage or relationship

1637
01:55:25.440 --> 01:55:27.100
based on the world's culture

1638
01:55:27.100 --> 01:55:28.440
and the world's way of doing something

1639
01:55:28.440 --> 01:55:29.400
so we won't be lonely,

1640
01:55:29.400 --> 01:55:31.440
so we can have somebody to go to the firework show with,

1641
01:55:31.440 --> 01:55:32.880
so we can have this and we can have that.

1642
01:55:32.880 --> 01:55:35.280
And those things, there's nothing wrong with that.

1643
01:55:35.280 --> 01:55:38.240
However, and so the Bible says,

1644
01:55:38.240 --> 01:55:40.160
seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and his righteousness,

1645
01:55:40.160 --> 01:55:42.080
and all these things will be added unto you.

1646
01:55:42.080 --> 01:55:45.800
He has an agenda and he adds these things unto you.

1647
01:55:45.800 --> 01:55:46.880
And so one thing about him,

1648
01:55:46.880 --> 01:55:49.160
when you sign up to do things God's way,

1649
01:55:49.160 --> 01:55:50.760
there is a way he does it.

1650
01:55:50.760 --> 01:55:53.460
And that's why there's an alignment that has to happen

1651
01:55:53.460 --> 01:55:54.800
that you resist,

1652
01:55:54.800 --> 01:55:56.120
because you want to do it your way

1653
01:55:56.120 --> 01:55:57.400
and say, give me God's results.

1654
01:55:57.440 --> 01:55:59.520
And he's like, it don't work like that.

1655
01:55:59.520 --> 01:56:00.560
You don't get my way,

1656
01:56:00.560 --> 01:56:04.080
you don't get your way and my results, right?

1657
01:56:04.080 --> 01:56:06.360
And so we have to be encouraged

1658
01:56:06.360 --> 01:56:09.800
that when if we're gonna be suited by heaven

1659
01:56:09.800 --> 01:56:11.200
to be prepared,

1660
01:56:11.200 --> 01:56:14.240
be the woman that he presents to this kingdom man

1661
01:56:14.240 --> 01:56:15.080
that you want,

1662
01:56:15.080 --> 01:56:17.600
that's gonna make you feel safe and loved and supported

1663
01:56:17.600 --> 01:56:19.560
and be emotionally available to you,

1664
01:56:19.560 --> 01:56:22.640
that he's not about to give his kingdom man no scraps.

1665
01:56:22.640 --> 01:56:24.400
He ain't gonna give him no chopped liver.

1666
01:56:24.400 --> 01:56:26.800
The same way he's not gonna give you chopped liver.

1667
01:56:26.800 --> 01:56:28.580
And that's why it serves us best

1668
01:56:28.580 --> 01:56:30.160
to go according to the program

1669
01:56:30.160 --> 01:56:33.320
that you've paid your money to be a part of.

1670
01:56:33.320 --> 01:56:35.200
So this is not me getting onto you, Stephanie.

1671
01:56:35.200 --> 01:56:37.640
I hope this is put encouraging you

1672
01:56:37.640 --> 01:56:39.520
that this time is different.

1673
01:56:39.520 --> 01:56:42.340
This is not me just trying to build up something in you.

1674
01:56:42.340 --> 01:56:43.180
It's true.

1675
01:56:43.180 --> 01:56:45.240
This time is different.

1676
01:56:45.240 --> 01:56:47.480
This time your approach is different.

1677
01:56:47.480 --> 01:56:49.520
This time you're not gonna do relationships

1678
01:56:49.520 --> 01:56:51.220
the way you did relationships in the past.

1679
01:56:51.220 --> 01:56:52.380
I don't know how you did it,

1680
01:56:52.380 --> 01:56:54.160
but this time you're not gonna do it.

1681
01:56:54.160 --> 01:56:55.600
And that's why I encourage all y'all

1682
01:56:55.600 --> 01:56:56.760
and we are well out of time

1683
01:56:57.600 --> 01:56:58.440
because we gotta get to 10.

1684
01:56:58.440 --> 01:57:01.920
I encourage you, do the program you signed up for.

1685
01:57:01.920 --> 01:57:03.880
Do it the way the program says do it.

1686
01:57:03.880 --> 01:57:05.360
You don't have anything to lose.

1687
01:57:05.360 --> 01:57:07.840
If it doesn't work, go back to your way.

1688
01:57:07.840 --> 01:57:10.040
But what I do know is that your way didn't work

1689
01:57:10.040 --> 01:57:11.240
because if your way worked,

1690
01:57:11.240 --> 01:57:12.880
you wouldn't have been in this program.

1691
01:57:12.880 --> 01:57:14.700
Just like my way didn't work.

1692
01:57:15.880 --> 01:57:18.240
But there is a way that has been laid in front of you.

1693
01:57:18.240 --> 01:57:21.000
And I'm saying this just to bring courage to you.

1694
01:57:21.000 --> 01:57:23.520
This time it really is different.

1695
01:57:23.520 --> 01:57:25.400
And you don't have to be afraid of the mistakes

1696
01:57:25.400 --> 01:57:29.960
of your past because the past is gone.

1697
01:57:29.960 --> 01:57:31.180
The present is now.

1698
01:57:31.180 --> 01:57:33.360
And I refuse to let any of you guys

1699
01:57:33.360 --> 01:57:34.480
under the sound of my voice,

1700
01:57:34.480 --> 01:57:37.160
live in bondage to your past.

1701
01:57:37.160 --> 01:57:39.060
The past has no hold on you.

1702
01:57:40.640 --> 01:57:42.280
You know, they always use that example.

1703
01:57:42.280 --> 01:57:44.520
You can't drive looking in your rear view mirror.

1704
01:57:44.520 --> 01:57:45.360
It's the truth.

1705
01:57:45.360 --> 01:57:46.360
You're gonna crash.

1706
01:57:47.340 --> 01:57:50.320
And so Stephanie be filled with courage.

1707
01:57:50.320 --> 01:57:51.840
Put yourself out there.

1708
01:57:51.840 --> 01:57:52.680
It is scary.

1709
01:57:52.680 --> 01:57:55.080
And the scary part is not gonna change.

1710
01:57:55.080 --> 01:57:56.040
It's just not.

1711
01:57:56.040 --> 01:57:57.080
Ain't no way you can do it.

1712
01:57:57.080 --> 01:57:58.900
Ain't nothing you can do about it.

1713
01:57:58.900 --> 01:58:00.600
It's really isn't.

1714
01:58:00.600 --> 01:58:03.120
And fear comes to tell,

1715
01:58:03.120 --> 01:58:06.000
fear comes as an invitation to courage.

1716
01:58:06.000 --> 01:58:08.800
Courage doesn't show up unless there's fear.

1717
01:58:08.800 --> 01:58:10.160
You ain't got never worry about courage

1718
01:58:10.160 --> 01:58:13.000
or bravery coming on the scene if fear is not around.

1719
01:58:13.000 --> 01:58:14.640
See, sometimes we think cause fear is there,

1720
01:58:14.640 --> 01:58:15.800
it means I go high.

1721
01:58:15.800 --> 01:58:17.520
No, it's an invitation.

1722
01:58:17.520 --> 01:58:19.960
Fear is knocking at your door and says courage home.

1723
01:58:19.960 --> 01:58:21.760
Is courage home?

1724
01:58:21.760 --> 01:58:23.720
Oh, courage is not home today.

1725
01:58:23.720 --> 01:58:24.920
Then it comes back again.

1726
01:58:24.920 --> 01:58:26.560
Every time you get ready to do something new,

1727
01:58:26.560 --> 01:58:29.280
to cross a new milestone, to take new territory,

1728
01:58:29.280 --> 01:58:31.320
fear comes, hey, is courage home?

1729
01:58:31.320 --> 01:58:32.280
Is courage home?

1730
01:58:32.280 --> 01:58:35.080
Courage gonna have to open the door and say, yes, I'm here.

1731
01:58:35.080 --> 01:58:37.560
If you don't move, I'm going straight through you.

1732
01:58:39.360 --> 01:58:41.160
Cause this is the way I'm going.

1733
01:58:41.160 --> 01:58:43.760
And if you standing there, I'm going straight through you.

1734
01:58:45.880 --> 01:58:47.440
So.

1735
01:58:47.440 --> 01:58:48.500
Yeah, that's good.

1736
01:58:49.440 --> 01:58:50.680
That's really good.

1737
01:58:50.680 --> 01:58:51.800
Thank you for that.

1738
01:58:54.120 --> 01:58:56.240
And I listened to,

1739
01:58:56.240 --> 01:58:58.520
because of my apprehension

1740
01:58:58.520 --> 01:59:00.720
and wanting to do everything before,

1741
01:59:00.720 --> 01:59:02.000
even setting up a profile,

1742
01:59:02.000 --> 01:59:03.120
listen to all the videos

1743
01:59:03.120 --> 01:59:06.040
and then I'm re-listening to them over and over again.

1744
01:59:06.040 --> 01:59:11.040
So, I have that as a challenge for myself

1745
01:59:14.320 --> 01:59:18.160
to work on that for sure, to work on the profile.

1746
01:59:18.600 --> 01:59:20.640
I guess I'll sign up for Facebook dating.

1747
01:59:21.600 --> 01:59:26.600
So by Saturday, go ahead and post your profile picture

1748
01:59:28.400 --> 01:59:31.280
and your profile that you set up.

1749
01:59:31.280 --> 01:59:33.080
Is Friday, Saturday a good day for you?

1750
01:59:33.080 --> 01:59:36.200
Or maybe by Tuesday of next week, you'll have it done?

1751
01:59:37.160 --> 01:59:38.160
I can do by Tuesday.

1752
01:59:38.160 --> 01:59:40.480
Cause I was gonna drag my feet more than that.

1753
01:59:40.480 --> 01:59:41.320
I knew it.

1754
01:59:41.320 --> 01:59:42.160
I knew it.

1755
01:59:42.160 --> 01:59:43.000
I was like, if I give it too much time,

1756
01:59:43.000 --> 01:59:44.520
it ain't gonna never get done.

1757
01:59:44.520 --> 01:59:47.280
So I'm like, you need a tight shift around here.

1758
01:59:47.320 --> 01:59:48.160
Okay.

1759
01:59:48.160 --> 01:59:49.240
So by Tuesday of next week,

1760
01:59:49.240 --> 01:59:51.160
I should see on the community wall

1761
01:59:51.160 --> 01:59:53.080
or on the coachings tab,

1762
01:59:53.080 --> 01:59:56.000
your profile picture and everything that you've done already.

1763
01:59:56.000 --> 01:59:58.280
Not, we're gonna look at it then you're gonna post it.

1764
01:59:58.280 --> 01:59:59.240
No, you just post it.

1765
01:59:59.240 --> 02:00:00.240
We'll fix it later.

1766
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:02.000
Okay, I can do that.

1767
02:00:02.000 --> 02:00:03.000
Okay, sounds good.

1768
02:00:03.000 --> 02:00:06.000
And try to do a picture with yellow, you look good in yellow.

1769
02:00:06.000 --> 02:00:08.000
Oh, thank you. Thank you.

1770
02:00:08.000 --> 02:00:20.000
And then if you can share in this doesn't have to be like right now but I'd love to hear more information on like how you or other because I know you mentioned about waiting to kiss until your wedding day.

1771
02:00:20.000 --> 02:00:41.000
And I am a physical touch person and I know that has been the worst slippery slope for me and has got me into trouble. So, like, even approaching that in conversations approaching, like, the physical touch aspect within the dating process.

1772
02:00:42.000 --> 02:00:55.000
I mean, I mean guardrails. So, yes. Yeah, you do. So, that's a choice I made because of my past. Same. That's, that's why I'm doing that push. Yes, but physical touch is different from lust.

1773
02:00:55.000 --> 02:01:03.000
You need to understand there's a difference between operating on the spirit of lust and physical touch because one thing I will do.

1774
02:01:03.000 --> 02:01:19.000
If I'm in an exclusive relationship. I will hold hands. I will sit close on the, like, sofa and watch a movie, I will rest my head on his chest isn't an exclusive relationship, I go exclusive after nine days.

1775
02:01:19.000 --> 02:01:23.000
And the reason why I hold myself to that is because it works.

1776
02:01:23.000 --> 02:01:25.000
It really does work.

1777
02:01:25.000 --> 02:01:38.000
And I've done it wrong so many times I can't you can't count how many times I need a wrong way. If they say, don't let somebody come to your house. The first thing I did was come over let's watch a movie.

1778
02:01:39.000 --> 02:01:54.000
I've done it. So I know it works. It works really well to hold off on physical. So we have to, you do have to, and so I'll be happy to help you with it. We'll have to walk you through it, but I want you to know there are lots of ways to have physical touch.

1779
02:01:54.000 --> 02:02:04.000
So if somebody touched you, and you're ready to have sex, that's a problem because see those are two different things you should be able to be touched without wanting to have sex because I can touch you and you're not going to want to have sex.

1780
02:02:05.000 --> 02:02:07.000
Right.

1781
02:02:07.000 --> 02:02:22.000
So that means I'm still giving you physical touch, but something is happening when the opposite sex touches you and you're not able to control yourself or be self discipline, and there are a lot of reasons why they could be. So yes, because I've been down the road so yes I'd be happy to support you in the journey.

1782
02:02:22.000 --> 02:02:33.000
Thank you. You're welcome. But one rule you can start practicing now and we're gonna go team on 903, just because I like physical touch doesn't mean I have to have sex there's two different things.

1783
02:02:34.000 --> 02:02:36.000
Yeah. Okay.

1784
02:02:36.000 --> 02:02:37.000
Tammy.

1785
02:02:37.000 --> 02:02:45.000
Oh, we had 903, we don't, I'm gonna try to get this really quick super quick. Yeah. So, um, I.

1786
02:02:45.000 --> 02:02:50.000
So I signed up with the arc, the arc of dating.

1787
02:02:50.000 --> 02:02:54.000
And 11 people reached out to me.

1788
02:02:55.000 --> 02:03:00.000
Yeah, and because I signed up before. And then I went on the 21 day fast.

1789
02:03:00.000 --> 02:03:07.000
And, and then I some sent me some gold stars stuff.

1790
02:03:07.000 --> 02:03:17.000
And I felt pretty good about my, my profile, and then two people.

1791
02:03:18.000 --> 02:03:35.000
Out of all the other ones, two of them were like, one just said, well anyway, one of them sent me a gold thing, and then the other one, I think, and then the other one just said happy Saturday Tammy.

1792
02:03:35.000 --> 02:03:39.000
And I just responded, you know, to him.

1793
02:03:40.000 --> 02:03:50.000
He sent me something Saturday I sent him back a message. It's great to hear from you. You know what a nice surprise, is what I said. Can you hear me.

1794
02:03:50.000 --> 02:03:56.000
I'm on mute, but I can hear you. Yes. Okay, so when he reached out to me on Sunday.

1795
02:03:56.000 --> 02:04:01.000
I happened to be on there because I wanted to finish setting up my profile.

1796
02:04:02.000 --> 02:04:06.000
And then Monday I heard back from him.

1797
02:04:06.000 --> 02:04:11.000
And then, or Sunday night, but I didn't reach back until Monday, because he said one time a day.

1798
02:04:11.000 --> 02:04:14.000
Don't, don't spend a lot of time on there.

1799
02:04:14.000 --> 02:04:18.000
Someone's. Yeah, just don't spend a lot of time on there.

1800
02:04:18.000 --> 02:04:25.000
And then all of a sudden, you know he was asking me like you know how long, how long did he live in Florida.

1801
02:04:25.000 --> 02:04:29.000
And I was like, I don't know, I don't know.

1802
02:04:29.000 --> 02:04:58.000
And then all of a sudden, you know he was asking me like you know how long, how long did he live in Florida. And then I told him, and, but I lived in Texas before and then you know how long have you lived in North Carolina and he told me but he's from Nebraska, and it just kind of went like that.

1803
02:04:58.000 --> 02:04:59.000
And then.

1804
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:05.360
um he he attends church a lot and stuff because on the ark you put about your bible you put about

1805
02:05:05.360 --> 02:05:10.160
you know like your religious beliefs and stuff so i felt pretty confident with that

1806
02:05:10.800 --> 02:05:18.720
but then we we were i was messaging him back and then he just vanished right and it was like a

1807
02:05:18.720 --> 02:05:24.000
whole hour and i was just like he hasn't even responded and i thought it was the rudest thing

1808
02:05:24.000 --> 02:05:31.440
and i think it triggered something on the inside of me and i said i cannot believe you would just

1809
02:05:32.480 --> 02:05:40.000
you know just leave a conversation and not have the decency to to even excuse yourself i said that

1810
02:05:40.000 --> 02:05:49.280
block and i blocked him and and i thought like why did i why did i do that you know and i started

1811
02:05:49.280 --> 02:05:56.160
actually feeling like certain things he reminded me he started reminded me of an ex-boyfriend that

1812
02:05:56.160 --> 02:06:04.880
i went with for 18 months that i broke off with him five times because my heart told me that he

1813
02:06:04.880 --> 02:06:11.840
was not the one so you know i broke off the relationship the final was like in 2017 so it's

1814
02:06:11.840 --> 02:06:21.840
been eight years and um but something about him reminded me of who i was with before and i just

1815
02:06:21.840 --> 02:06:32.160
said i can't go there i just can't go there you know um yeah and so i just wound up blocking him

1816
02:06:32.800 --> 02:06:39.440
and then i felt really bad so i contacted support and said you know i blocked him but i just kind

1817
02:06:39.440 --> 02:06:44.400
of wanted to you know just make it right say hey it was great get to know you i wish you all the

1818
02:06:44.400 --> 02:06:49.920
best kind of thing but they're like once you block then you're unmatched because we matched on five

1819
02:06:49.920 --> 02:06:57.280
categories um out of however many and so and then the other guy i just sent him a message and stuff

1820
02:06:57.280 --> 02:07:02.160
and i haven't you know heard back or whatever and then all the other ones i just kind of went through

1821
02:07:02.160 --> 02:07:08.320
and i just said not interested not interested you know i just like didn't do anything so

1822
02:07:09.200 --> 02:07:14.960
yeah that was like my first thing i thought i don't think i should have done that or handled

1823
02:07:14.960 --> 02:07:24.160
it that way but i can tell you i got triggered so i think it's good that you recognize that you

1824
02:07:24.160 --> 02:07:31.600
got triggered and that it's okay that you handled it that way um i want you to next time you decide

1825
02:07:31.600 --> 02:07:39.360
to block a person just let it be you let it be i realized that afterwards yeah i would encourage

1826
02:07:39.360 --> 02:07:44.400
you don't try to double back what's important is that you realize he triggered me and i blocked him

1827
02:07:44.400 --> 02:07:49.520
okay why did i do that he was like oh because he reminded me of this person and that happened even

1828
02:07:49.520 --> 02:07:53.360
before you made it to that point like it was probably brewing on the inside of you

1829
02:07:54.400 --> 02:07:59.200
that reminder and then when he did something you like bam i knew you would like him

1830
02:07:59.200 --> 02:08:03.760
like you would you didn't know it but possibly inside of you you were looking for evidence to

1831
02:08:03.760 --> 02:08:08.560
prove that you were right that's why you couldn't think of anything else but how rude of you

1832
02:08:09.680 --> 02:08:14.960
right because why wasn't your first thought oh he must have got busy oh did his phone go dead

1833
02:08:15.520 --> 02:08:20.160
oh he must have had to be somewhere oh maybe he had to be at bible study i don't know like there

1834
02:08:20.160 --> 02:08:24.960
could have been a lot of things maybe he could maybe he could have had to go to the bathroom

1835
02:08:24.960 --> 02:08:32.320
like there are so many reasons and your brain went one way for some reason and it probably was

1836
02:08:32.320 --> 02:08:38.800
because he already reminded you of that and you're just now getting back out there right and so you

1837
02:08:38.800 --> 02:08:43.760
got to work through the triggers of your brain reminding you of something when somebody does

1838
02:08:43.760 --> 02:08:47.440
something like somebody else because they're gonna do things that remind you of somebody

1839
02:08:47.440 --> 02:08:53.360
else because all of us are people but as you keep doing it all your that kind of stuff is

1840
02:08:53.360 --> 02:08:57.280
gonna fall aside because you're gonna start making your own decisions and not letting your

1841
02:08:57.280 --> 02:09:05.040
history make a decision for you right and so and a lot of times what can trip you up is when you're

1842
02:09:05.040 --> 02:09:11.840
dating and you know you can hold on to this if you want or it may offend you when i say it a lot of

1843
02:09:11.840 --> 02:09:17.040
times we think god has more to do with it than he but he doesn't have a lot to do with a lot of

1844
02:09:17.040 --> 02:09:24.000
things and if you keep inserting spiritual into this dating process so heavily tammy it can trip

1845
02:09:24.000 --> 02:09:30.320
you up a lot because if you're in a dating process and god is writing your love story

1846
02:09:30.320 --> 02:09:36.160
he wants to see you grow because your husband is going to trigger you your husband is going to

1847
02:09:36.160 --> 02:09:43.920
remind your stuff and god wants to he wants to refine you and so every person you talking to

1848
02:09:43.920 --> 02:09:50.720
you go is this the one oh god says it's not the one when you gonna learn if you could have

1849
02:09:50.720 --> 02:09:56.160
everybody you talk to because he's not the one but you've not been refined for the one and so

1850
02:09:57.120 --> 02:09:59.760
this is not coming from somebody who is not

1851
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:04.560
before the Lord and an intercessor and hearing the Lord and all of these things.

1852
02:10:04.560 --> 02:10:11.120
He's allowed people to come into my life to refine me and it is not always is he the one

1853
02:10:11.120 --> 02:10:15.920
is he the one time God told me if I told you he was you gonna plan a wedding instead of getting

1854
02:10:15.920 --> 02:10:20.400
to know him that's what you're gonna do he said because just like a person is kind they're not so

1855
02:10:20.400 --> 02:10:25.120
kind just like they're all these things they are the opposite of because that's the makeup of a

1856
02:10:25.120 --> 02:10:30.880
person and I need you to learn how to make wise decisions I need you to learn how to get to know

1857
02:10:30.880 --> 02:10:35.920
people I need you to take this journey evening because I was the queen of is this it is this

1858
02:10:35.920 --> 02:10:40.400
one is this one this is one I don't know what you think God what I mean like literally it's

1859
02:10:40.400 --> 02:10:46.400
this back and forth thinking it hinders this process but I'm not because your God defended

1860
02:10:46.400 --> 02:10:56.080
he's gonna nudge you right um yeah I actually when after all this like the last since yesterday

1861
02:10:56.080 --> 02:11:06.240
I just said this is this is true the truth I said um I'm just gonna go like if if you know

1862
02:11:06.240 --> 02:11:10.640
somebody reaches out or whatever I'm just gonna hold a conversation because I'm learning more

1863
02:11:10.640 --> 02:11:17.520
about me so yeah yeah I'm just gonna hold a conversation because this is how people build

1864
02:11:17.520 --> 02:11:22.400
relationships and friendships and things like that and maybe the person may not be for me but

1865
02:11:22.400 --> 02:11:29.280
maybe he'll be for somebody else that I might know that maybe I can you know say hey I have

1866
02:11:29.280 --> 02:11:35.440
a friend that you know or whatever so but you know I think everybody you know we're all in this

1867
02:11:36.400 --> 02:11:42.000
in this like we're all growing you know God is refining me and stuff and

1868
02:11:44.320 --> 02:11:52.000
you know I was just um yeah yeah I just I was kind of disappointed in myself that I handled it that

1869
02:11:52.000 --> 02:12:00.320
way I really no no no no I'm just saying oh in hindsight yeah yeah yeah and I was just like why

1870
02:12:00.400 --> 02:12:07.360
like why did I do that I really should I should not you know have done that and stuff yeah because

1871
02:12:07.360 --> 02:12:12.880
there's so many things that that one can talk about you know like one of the things he said

1872
02:12:12.880 --> 02:12:18.640
was ask me about my faith and that I was like you know yeah tell me about your faith like how did you

1873
02:12:18.640 --> 02:12:23.440
come to me now and then he just started telling me you know when I was 23 years old he him and I

1874
02:12:23.440 --> 02:12:31.760
are the same age okay he's like yeah we're the same age he's six foot tall I'm 5'4 and he he

1875
02:12:31.760 --> 02:12:41.520
wears like beautiful suits and dresses very well and um just really classy you know and and I I

1876
02:12:41.520 --> 02:12:47.840
have pictures like I like to dress like that too I like to dress up you know so I just thought you

1877
02:12:47.840 --> 02:12:54.080
know this is great he's a dresser he's a he's a really good dresser you know so but I didn't

1878
02:12:54.080 --> 02:13:01.840
compliment I so badly wanted to but I didn't want to say something physical because he probably gets

1879
02:13:01.840 --> 02:13:07.360
that you know and I didn't want to focus on physical I wanted to focus more on internal

1880
02:13:08.000 --> 02:13:15.760
so I really didn't say anything about any of that yeah and so but yeah so that's kind of

1881
02:13:15.760 --> 02:13:23.120
how it went and I was just like yeah I could have handled it different differently but

1882
02:13:23.760 --> 02:13:32.720
I just made a decision that whoever I communicate with whether or not I think like oh no way

1883
02:13:33.440 --> 02:13:41.120
right I'm at least going to respond and say hey you know um thanks for reaching out and stuff

1884
02:13:41.200 --> 02:13:48.320
like that I say how's your day going like you know just something small and yeah and not be

1885
02:13:48.320 --> 02:13:55.760
so quick to cut them off because I'm like one can put boundaries and be like dude you just

1886
02:13:55.760 --> 02:14:01.840
crossed the line I've done that in the past you I'm sorry but you know yeah I just don't want to

1887
02:14:01.840 --> 02:14:08.080
do that I just well I think you're doing a good team I think you learned a lot and I want you to

1888
02:14:08.720 --> 02:14:13.600
we're going to hang we're going to disconnect way too long but Tammy if you want to compliment a man

1889
02:14:13.600 --> 02:14:20.640
compliment a man I want you to take all the rules out use what we gave you in the program and have

1890
02:14:20.640 --> 02:14:28.240
fun and if he look good say you are handsome men want men want compliments also it doesn't

1891
02:14:28.240 --> 02:14:32.720
matter how many people we think complimented them before they're talking to us so they're

1892
02:14:32.720 --> 02:14:36.640
interested in us so I want you to give compliments I want you to have fun and I want you to stop

1893
02:14:36.640 --> 02:14:41.280
thinking and just go for it and have okay I didn't know I could do that I didn't know I could

1894
02:14:41.280 --> 02:14:46.880
do that so I was just really trying to just be played safe you know this is just first second

1895
02:14:46.880 --> 02:14:53.840
conversation you know on messaging kind of thing spend less time messaging heavy long conversations

1896
02:14:53.840 --> 02:14:57.280
like tell me about your spiritual journey when somebody says they say hey I love to have that

1897
02:14:57.280 --> 02:15:00.000
conversation over the phone that sounds like a great conversation

1898
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:04.000
topic. That way you can hear their voice, so that'll be your segment into getting a

1899
02:15:04.000 --> 02:15:08.560
voice phone call. You talk about all this stuff over text, you text in these long paragraphs,

1900
02:15:08.560 --> 02:15:14.440
that's not what that's for. You want to do small talk, right? And then share stories

1901
02:15:14.440 --> 02:15:19.520
of, hey, this would be a great video conversation. How about Friday? Plan it out. How about on

1902
02:15:19.520 --> 02:15:24.920
Friday? At the end of the week, we do a video call. But okay, got you. Ladies, I hope you

1903
02:15:24.920 --> 02:15:26.920
have a good night. Thank you so much. Appreciate it.

1904
02:15:26.920 --> 02:15:29.040
Oh, you're welcome. All right. Good night, ladies.

1905
02:15:29.040 --> 02:15:32.040
See ya. Thank you. All right. Good night.