WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:13.760 Hello, welcome. Hello, hello. Welcome back for another amazing Monday evening. A couple 2 00:00:13.760 --> 00:00:20.480 people still joining in. Welcome. If you are new and you're joining us for the first time, 3 00:00:20.480 --> 00:00:25.080 this is your first live session. If you can put that in the chat for us so we can welcome 4 00:00:25.080 --> 00:00:29.480 you, we would love to know who you are and that you're joining us. For those of you that 5 00:00:29.480 --> 00:00:34.200 are joining us again, this is maybe your second, third, fourth, who knows, but you're here 6 00:00:34.200 --> 00:00:38.360 and we're so glad that you're joining us again today. I believe that God has some amazing 7 00:00:38.360 --> 00:00:45.720 things for us to lean into tonight from heaven. Welcome. Hello, ladies. I'm watching the chat 8 00:00:45.720 --> 00:00:50.440 just to see if anyone new is joining us. Is anyone here for your first time, your first 9 00:00:50.440 --> 00:00:56.400 live session ever tonight? All right. I think I recognize pretty much all your names, but 10 00:00:56.400 --> 00:00:59.860 I just wanted to double check. All right. I have just a couple of housekeeping things 11 00:00:59.860 --> 00:01:05.760 for us tonight. Then I'm going to pass it over to our lovely Annette. If you all have 12 00:01:05.760 --> 00:01:11.000 never met Annette, Annette, can you wave? Annette is one of our peer coaches in the 13 00:01:11.000 --> 00:01:15.880 HeartWork Group. You all have seen her maybe from time to time responding to you. I'm so 14 00:01:15.880 --> 00:01:20.280 glad to have her joining with us tonight. She's going to share a little bit here and 15 00:01:20.280 --> 00:01:24.560 there throughout the evening so you all can start to get to know her better. Praise God 16 00:01:24.560 --> 00:01:29.240 she's here joining us and God has good things in store. All right. The housekeeping I have 17 00:01:29.240 --> 00:01:39.440 for you is for some of you, you may have coaching in your background. You might have counseling 18 00:01:39.440 --> 00:01:44.520 in your background. You might have ministry experience in your background. No matter where 19 00:01:44.520 --> 00:01:49.720 you've come from, some of you just are really amazing helpers. I want to encourage you to 20 00:01:49.720 --> 00:01:56.680 take all your helper hats off in this community, especially in HeartWork. Here's why. Myself 21 00:01:56.680 --> 00:02:02.240 and the other coaches, we are trained to do this and you all are here to just practice 22 00:02:02.240 --> 00:02:06.900 receiving. Nobody did anything wrong, but this is just one of those housekeeping things 23 00:02:06.900 --> 00:02:13.120 I bring up from time to time to remind you that your main role here is to receive. Whatever 24 00:02:13.120 --> 00:02:17.960 God has for you, that you don't have to quickly give that away to someone else. The other 25 00:02:17.960 --> 00:02:24.080 reason is this. A lot of times people that are big givers or big helpers, they tend to 26 00:02:24.080 --> 00:02:28.920 get very distracted from their own healing because they're very busy taking care of other 27 00:02:28.920 --> 00:02:34.120 people. And so if that is something that you struggle with, you're very good at taking 28 00:02:34.120 --> 00:02:39.320 care of other people all the time. That might be a distraction the enemy will use for you 29 00:02:39.320 --> 00:02:44.040 because everybody and your brother, you know how they say that, will have a problem and 30 00:02:44.040 --> 00:02:47.360 they're going to need your help and they're going to dial you up and be like, hey, I need 31 00:02:47.400 --> 00:02:51.320 you. Right. You're going to have to set some boundaries while you're here in the heartwork 32 00:02:51.320 --> 00:02:56.600 and probably beyond. For some of you, that's now a habit that you just it's a go-to for 33 00:02:56.600 --> 00:03:01.440 you. It's kind of like a fix. And we want you to come away from that and really find 34 00:03:01.440 --> 00:03:06.280 out who are you, if that's not a part of your identity. OK, it doesn't mean we can't be 35 00:03:06.280 --> 00:03:10.840 helpers anymore, but when that gets overextended and out of balance, it takes us into 36 00:03:10.840 --> 00:03:16.720 places that are not safe or healthy for us. And again, we often put off our own needs. 37 00:03:16.720 --> 00:03:20.920 You know, the airplane you get on, they instruct you, you put your air mat, your mask on 38 00:03:20.920 --> 00:03:25.160 yourself, the oxygen mask before you put it on your kids. That seems kind of crazy as a 39 00:03:25.160 --> 00:03:28.760 parent, you know, because you're thinking about your kid first. 40 00:03:28.760 --> 00:03:32.640 But the reality is, is if we don't put the mask on ourselves, guess what? 41 00:03:32.640 --> 00:03:39.280 We're going to not be able to help the other people that are with us, OK, in our lives. 42 00:03:39.280 --> 00:03:43.160 So I want to encourage you to go ahead and take those helper fixer hats off and just 43 00:03:43.160 --> 00:03:46.440 get in a heart posture to receive. OK, I'm going to pass it over to Annette. 44 00:03:46.440 --> 00:03:49.000 Annette has a couple housekeeping as well. 45 00:03:49.000 --> 00:03:53.440 And then she's going to pray us in before we start tonight. 46 00:03:53.440 --> 00:03:57.040 Hello, everyone, it's so good to be here with you tonight. 47 00:03:57.040 --> 00:04:03.320 I'm actually up in Canada, hope my and praying that my Internet connection stays stable the 48 00:04:03.320 --> 00:04:09.120 whole time. But one way, like Bethany talked about, to soak things in is to come to 49 00:04:09.120 --> 00:04:11.240 Supernatural Saturday on Saturdays. 50 00:04:11.240 --> 00:04:17.600 This last Saturday morning, Jackie talked about grieving with hope each week. 51 00:04:17.600 --> 00:04:21.240 She shows up and she shows up with something that will bless you. 52 00:04:21.240 --> 00:04:26.720 So if you have an opportunity to be a part of that, then please join us. 53 00:04:26.720 --> 00:04:29.160 For me, it's seven a.m. 54 00:04:29.160 --> 00:04:32.400 Go accordingly for the time that you're in. 55 00:04:32.400 --> 00:04:34.120 It's a great way to start the day. 56 00:04:34.120 --> 00:04:42.240 And secondly, as Bethany also said, we jump in the app. 57 00:04:42.240 --> 00:04:45.000 We invite you all to jump in there. 58 00:04:45.000 --> 00:04:46.560 It takes courage. 59 00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:51.760 But when you are able to share what's on your heart and what you're struggling with, then 60 00:04:51.760 --> 00:04:55.040 that is a really good way to connect with your sisters. 61 00:04:55.040 --> 00:05:00.000 And they can also be blessed and learn and grow through what you share. 62 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:03.680 with them and it also gives us an opportunity 63 00:05:03.680 --> 00:05:07.420 to connect with you and to coach a little bit 64 00:05:07.420 --> 00:05:10.480 around questions that you have or things that you've shared 65 00:05:10.480 --> 00:05:13.380 just to help you go just a little bit deeper. 66 00:05:13.380 --> 00:05:17.440 So those are two things in a way that you can connect 67 00:05:17.440 --> 00:05:20.800 with us this week and we love to connect with all of you. 68 00:05:24.460 --> 00:05:27.020 Hey, awesome, do you wanna pray a sin? 69 00:05:27.020 --> 00:05:28.060 Absolutely. 70 00:05:28.060 --> 00:05:28.900 Awesome. 71 00:05:30.840 --> 00:05:33.640 Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the opportunity 72 00:05:33.640 --> 00:05:37.720 to be together tonight as sisters in Christ 73 00:05:37.720 --> 00:05:40.360 and your word says that where two or more are gathered 74 00:05:40.360 --> 00:05:42.200 in your name, you are there. 75 00:05:42.200 --> 00:05:44.040 And we thank you that you're here among us. 76 00:05:44.040 --> 00:05:48.240 We invite you in Holy Spirit into each and every life, 77 00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:51.460 into each and every woman that's represented on this call 78 00:05:51.460 --> 00:05:53.760 and for those that are gonna watch and replay. 79 00:05:53.760 --> 00:05:56.840 God, we thank you in advance for the work 80 00:05:56.840 --> 00:05:58.960 that you're gonna do in each heart 81 00:05:58.960 --> 00:06:01.600 and in each life and the transformation 82 00:06:01.600 --> 00:06:03.560 as they continue to seek you 83 00:06:06.040 --> 00:06:08.280 and grow in their wisdom and understanding 84 00:06:08.280 --> 00:06:11.080 and allow through full surrender, 85 00:06:11.080 --> 00:06:12.920 you to transform their heart, 86 00:06:12.920 --> 00:06:14.760 which is gonna transform their lives Lord 87 00:06:14.760 --> 00:06:17.440 and bring them into their most authentic self 88 00:06:17.440 --> 00:06:19.560 as they come into agreement with the truth 89 00:06:19.560 --> 00:06:23.600 of who you say they are and that allows each of us 90 00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:25.720 to fulfill the plans and the purposes 91 00:06:25.720 --> 00:06:27.700 that you have here for us. 92 00:06:27.700 --> 00:06:30.060 Bless Bethany today as she speaks, 93 00:06:30.060 --> 00:06:33.460 give her the words that you want her to speak out 94 00:06:33.460 --> 00:06:36.740 and speak through her to us 95 00:06:36.740 --> 00:06:39.340 and bless her today on her birthday. 96 00:06:39.340 --> 00:06:41.500 In your name I pray, amen. 97 00:06:41.500 --> 00:06:43.460 Amen, amen, amen. 98 00:06:43.460 --> 00:06:45.380 Praise the Lord, God is so good you all. 99 00:06:45.380 --> 00:06:50.380 Tonight, we're gonna be tracking through identity and vows, 100 00:06:50.740 --> 00:06:55.180 in particular inner vows that we tend to make 101 00:06:55.180 --> 00:06:57.820 because of trauma and as we start identity, 102 00:06:57.820 --> 00:06:58.700 I want you all, 103 00:06:58.700 --> 00:07:00.780 I'm gonna go ahead and activate you really quickly. 104 00:07:00.780 --> 00:07:02.900 I want you to be thinking about, 105 00:07:02.900 --> 00:07:04.740 thank you everyone for the birthday wishes. 106 00:07:04.740 --> 00:07:07.340 I want you to be thinking about your life, 107 00:07:07.340 --> 00:07:10.760 yourself and how you show up in the world 108 00:07:10.760 --> 00:07:14.220 and in this regard, when something negative happens, 109 00:07:14.220 --> 00:07:18.740 when pressure is applied, what typically comes out 110 00:07:18.740 --> 00:07:20.460 and I'm gonna give you a statement 111 00:07:20.460 --> 00:07:21.860 and I want you to fill in the blank 112 00:07:21.860 --> 00:07:24.060 and go ahead and put that in the chat for me 113 00:07:24.060 --> 00:07:25.260 as soon as it comes to you. 114 00:07:25.260 --> 00:07:27.500 So if you are filling in the blank 115 00:07:27.500 --> 00:07:29.300 during a difficult time in your life, 116 00:07:29.300 --> 00:07:31.620 again, when the pressure is applied, 117 00:07:31.620 --> 00:07:33.840 it's a negative experience, you're going to, 118 00:07:33.840 --> 00:07:38.840 we all tend to have our go-to internal mental statements 119 00:07:39.140 --> 00:07:41.660 that we partner with. 120 00:07:41.660 --> 00:07:45.860 This is the sentence, I am blank 121 00:07:45.860 --> 00:07:47.340 and I don't want this to be filtered. 122 00:07:47.340 --> 00:07:51.820 I don't want it to be, oh, I know I have to think positive. 123 00:07:51.820 --> 00:07:54.220 I wanna just know the raw answer 124 00:07:54.220 --> 00:07:56.600 when you are going through something hard, 125 00:07:56.600 --> 00:07:59.260 when something happens and if you have something positive, 126 00:07:59.260 --> 00:08:01.180 that's totally fine, okay? 127 00:08:01.180 --> 00:08:03.580 But I want you just to put in anything that comes to mind. 128 00:08:03.580 --> 00:08:07.340 Okay, I am angry, I am hope-filled, I am not enough, 129 00:08:07.340 --> 00:08:10.580 I am alone, I'm too much, I'm afraid, 130 00:08:10.580 --> 00:08:13.580 overwhelmed, get angry, nothing. 131 00:08:13.580 --> 00:08:16.400 Yeah, totally can feel numb, that's what that is. 132 00:08:16.400 --> 00:08:19.140 When we feel nothing, I am nothing, 133 00:08:19.140 --> 00:08:21.380 there's numbness and hopelessness connected there. 134 00:08:21.900 --> 00:08:25.300 I complain, not worth it, I'm frustrated and overwhelmed. 135 00:08:26.300 --> 00:08:28.260 Have some more overwhelmed, numb, 136 00:08:28.260 --> 00:08:30.420 there are always, things are always 137 00:08:30.420 --> 00:08:32.299 gonna fall apart for me, okay? 138 00:08:32.299 --> 00:08:33.460 I'm not worth it. 139 00:08:33.460 --> 00:08:35.059 All right, if you continue to have things 140 00:08:35.059 --> 00:08:36.020 come up in your spirit, go ahead 141 00:08:36.020 --> 00:08:37.980 and put those in the chat for me. 142 00:08:37.980 --> 00:08:39.159 How can I be so stupid? 143 00:08:39.159 --> 00:08:41.580 You know, stupid came up a lot this afternoon as well. 144 00:08:41.580 --> 00:08:45.140 People really feeling led to say that they're stupid 145 00:08:45.140 --> 00:08:48.460 or dumb or anything like that. 146 00:08:48.460 --> 00:08:50.220 Ladies, isn't it amazing what the enemy 147 00:08:50.220 --> 00:08:52.980 gets us to partner with when things are hard? 148 00:08:53.820 --> 00:08:55.560 I want you to be thinking about that 149 00:08:55.560 --> 00:08:58.660 as we start talking about identity tonight. 150 00:08:58.660 --> 00:09:03.660 If you remember, last week I talked to you 151 00:09:03.860 --> 00:09:06.140 about Adam and Eve and when they were in the garden 152 00:09:06.140 --> 00:09:09.260 and after Adam had eaten of the fruit 153 00:09:09.260 --> 00:09:12.380 and they realized they were naked and then they hid, 154 00:09:12.380 --> 00:09:14.640 God comes looking for them and he's looking for them 155 00:09:14.640 --> 00:09:16.460 in the garden and he says to Adam, 156 00:09:16.460 --> 00:09:19.140 you know, like, why did you hide basically? 157 00:09:19.140 --> 00:09:20.880 Who told you that you were naked? 158 00:09:22.220 --> 00:09:25.100 And so tonight we're gonna build on that 159 00:09:25.100 --> 00:09:26.780 and I want you to be thinking again 160 00:09:26.780 --> 00:09:30.340 about who originally said things to you 161 00:09:30.340 --> 00:09:31.900 that lead you to these statements 162 00:09:31.900 --> 00:09:33.920 that you put in the chat tonight. 163 00:09:33.920 --> 00:09:35.540 What are the things that you've gone through? 164 00:09:35.540 --> 00:09:37.540 What are the traumas that you've experienced 165 00:09:37.540 --> 00:09:40.840 that lead you to believe you can't trust anyone anymore? 166 00:09:40.840 --> 00:09:42.820 You're so dumb, you're so stupid, 167 00:09:42.820 --> 00:09:45.140 you're hopeless, you're worthless, you're not enough. 168 00:09:45.140 --> 00:09:49.100 Wherever these originated, sometimes it's because of trauma 169 00:09:49.940 --> 00:09:52.140 like I said, we partner with lies when that trauma happens 170 00:09:52.140 --> 00:09:54.300 but sometimes it's because someone has spoken 171 00:09:54.300 --> 00:09:57.780 something negative over us and we've partnered with it. 172 00:09:57.780 --> 00:09:59.940 Did you know that I am statements are? 173 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.640 actually identity forming statements. 174 00:10:02.640 --> 00:10:04.440 Like when we partner with those, 175 00:10:04.440 --> 00:10:06.840 we are saying, this is who I am. 176 00:10:08.320 --> 00:10:10.200 And I wanna encourage you tonight 177 00:10:10.200 --> 00:10:14.080 to allow the Lord to invite you out of the places and spaces 178 00:10:14.080 --> 00:10:16.520 where these statements that you put in the chat 179 00:10:16.520 --> 00:10:18.760 that are not positive, 180 00:10:20.040 --> 00:10:22.820 to come out of the places where those are existing 181 00:10:22.820 --> 00:10:25.800 as your main source, as your main go-to, 182 00:10:25.800 --> 00:10:28.160 and come into alignment with the truth of heaven. 183 00:10:28.200 --> 00:10:31.080 What is heaven saying over you tonight? 184 00:10:31.080 --> 00:10:33.760 Remember last week, one of the activations, 185 00:10:33.760 --> 00:10:35.800 for those of you that were able to get those done, 186 00:10:35.800 --> 00:10:36.680 way to go. 187 00:10:36.680 --> 00:10:38.400 For those of you still working on yours, 188 00:10:38.400 --> 00:10:41.080 I can't wait to see them in the group 189 00:10:41.080 --> 00:10:42.240 when you're done with them. 190 00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:44.920 But last week I asked you to ask the Lord, 191 00:10:44.920 --> 00:10:47.120 Lord, who do you say that I am? 192 00:10:48.080 --> 00:10:50.000 Lord, what do you wanna say about me? 193 00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:51.800 And that you would record those 194 00:10:51.800 --> 00:10:54.560 and capture what the Lord was saying to you. 195 00:10:54.560 --> 00:10:58.800 That is giving you literally what your new go-to should be. 196 00:10:58.800 --> 00:11:00.080 Do y'all understand? 197 00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:01.680 That's why we did that last week, 198 00:11:01.680 --> 00:11:04.600 because I was preparing you so that this week, 199 00:11:04.600 --> 00:11:06.880 as you come out of alignment with the I am statements 200 00:11:06.880 --> 00:11:09.320 that are not healthy, that are not truth, 201 00:11:09.320 --> 00:11:13.340 you can now have something to stand on that is truth. 202 00:11:13.340 --> 00:11:15.240 The truth of who God says you are 203 00:11:15.240 --> 00:11:18.760 is who we should be defined by, what we should stand on. 204 00:11:18.760 --> 00:11:20.440 And y'all, I have bad days too. 205 00:11:20.440 --> 00:11:21.760 So I want you to understand, 206 00:11:21.880 --> 00:11:26.440 we're all gonna face the struggle of our thoughts, 207 00:11:26.440 --> 00:11:29.440 the limiting belief systems that we've been raised up under, 208 00:11:29.440 --> 00:11:32.200 orphan mentalities, even some of our parents. 209 00:11:33.800 --> 00:11:35.600 Do you know that poverty mindset 210 00:11:35.600 --> 00:11:38.280 isn't about whether or not you have money? 211 00:11:39.200 --> 00:11:41.480 It's about a posture in your heart. 212 00:11:42.520 --> 00:11:44.200 There are some people that have a lot of money, 213 00:11:44.200 --> 00:11:46.600 but they still live in a poverty mentality. 214 00:11:48.160 --> 00:11:50.440 Always lack, there's never enough. 215 00:11:50.440 --> 00:11:54.200 Always scraping by internally in their heart 216 00:11:54.200 --> 00:11:55.720 in some way, shape, or form, 217 00:11:55.720 --> 00:11:58.320 or stingy and they can't spend. 218 00:11:58.320 --> 00:12:01.320 They can't spend because of fear at the core. 219 00:12:01.320 --> 00:12:05.400 So who originally told you that you were naked 220 00:12:05.400 --> 00:12:09.360 or that you were not enough, that you were a failure? 221 00:12:09.360 --> 00:12:12.720 Where did that dialogue come from for you? 222 00:12:12.720 --> 00:12:15.200 Who or what are you currently getting your identity from? 223 00:12:15.200 --> 00:12:17.640 I want you to be thinking about these things. 224 00:12:17.640 --> 00:12:19.280 A lot of times, just like in the garden, 225 00:12:19.280 --> 00:12:21.280 Adam and Eve ate of the fruit, 226 00:12:21.280 --> 00:12:25.160 and then they saw and realized that they were naked. 227 00:12:25.160 --> 00:12:27.040 I want you to think about the traumas 228 00:12:27.040 --> 00:12:28.400 that you've been through 229 00:12:29.280 --> 00:12:31.400 and the things that you've experienced 230 00:12:33.000 --> 00:12:35.800 or witnessed that are now causing you 231 00:12:35.800 --> 00:12:38.280 to believe something false about yourself. 232 00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:41.600 And this could even be something currently 233 00:12:41.600 --> 00:12:45.320 that someone said to you that was hurtful and harmful. 234 00:12:45.320 --> 00:12:48.680 Here's an example of the witnessing it, okay? 235 00:12:48.760 --> 00:12:51.360 We can go through things that impact us 236 00:12:51.360 --> 00:12:53.960 without it directly being something 237 00:12:53.960 --> 00:12:56.160 that we ourselves went through. 238 00:12:56.160 --> 00:12:59.720 When I was in the fourth grade, about eight years old, 239 00:12:59.720 --> 00:13:02.280 my mom, my oldest brother, and my sister 240 00:13:02.280 --> 00:13:04.120 were hit by a drunk driver, 241 00:13:04.120 --> 00:13:06.200 and it was a very traumatic event. 242 00:13:06.200 --> 00:13:08.280 It was a very difficult season. 243 00:13:08.280 --> 00:13:10.520 I was at a friend's house playing, 244 00:13:10.520 --> 00:13:12.200 and the night that the thing happened, 245 00:13:12.200 --> 00:13:13.520 I didn't know anything was going on. 246 00:13:13.520 --> 00:13:14.760 I'm just there having a good time 247 00:13:14.760 --> 00:13:16.680 with my friends at her birthday party. 248 00:13:16.680 --> 00:13:19.520 My mom calls, asks to talk to my friend's mom. 249 00:13:19.520 --> 00:13:21.240 I still didn't think anything about it. 250 00:13:21.240 --> 00:13:23.800 The next day, my mom came early to pick me up, 251 00:13:23.800 --> 00:13:26.240 and I remember being so mad, like, why is my mom here? 252 00:13:26.240 --> 00:13:28.360 She's not supposed to be here now. 253 00:13:28.360 --> 00:13:31.240 And then I started realizing my uncles were with her 254 00:13:31.240 --> 00:13:32.600 and my aunts were with her, 255 00:13:32.600 --> 00:13:36.720 and I was kind of like, why is everyone here? 256 00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:40.760 It was very like, what's happening right now? 257 00:13:40.760 --> 00:13:42.480 This whole confusion state. 258 00:13:42.480 --> 00:13:45.760 And then my mom comes inside and we sit in there. 259 00:13:45.760 --> 00:13:48.120 I remember just like it was yesterday, 260 00:13:48.120 --> 00:13:49.840 this like perfect little sitting room. 261 00:13:49.840 --> 00:13:50.760 They had plastic, you know, 262 00:13:50.760 --> 00:13:52.280 back in the days they would put plastic 263 00:13:52.280 --> 00:13:53.360 over their furniture. 264 00:13:53.360 --> 00:13:57.200 We sat in that room and my mom told me what happened. 265 00:13:59.040 --> 00:14:01.760 My brother was in a coma for months. 266 00:14:01.760 --> 00:14:04.800 Like, he was known as one of the best wrestlers 267 00:14:04.800 --> 00:14:06.760 back then in the area. 268 00:14:06.760 --> 00:14:08.400 Literally was in a coma so long 269 00:14:08.400 --> 00:14:10.040 that when he came out of it, praise the Lord, 270 00:14:10.040 --> 00:14:12.960 he came out of it, but he had to go through rehab 271 00:14:12.960 --> 00:14:15.480 in a town that was about two hours away. 272 00:14:16.160 --> 00:14:18.360 So my mom, who was a single mom, 273 00:14:18.360 --> 00:14:19.680 who didn't have a lot of help, 274 00:14:19.680 --> 00:14:22.920 now had to go two hours away on a regular basis 275 00:14:22.920 --> 00:14:26.240 to stay there with my brother and to care for him 276 00:14:26.240 --> 00:14:27.920 and go back and forth and back and forth. 277 00:14:27.920 --> 00:14:31.040 My sister that was also in that accident 278 00:14:31.040 --> 00:14:32.200 had to have brain surgery. 279 00:14:32.200 --> 00:14:33.360 It was very serious stuff. 280 00:14:33.360 --> 00:14:35.680 She ended up years later having seizures 281 00:14:35.680 --> 00:14:39.400 because of the effects of the brain injury. 282 00:14:39.400 --> 00:14:41.000 Y'all, these are all things that happened 283 00:14:41.000 --> 00:14:42.480 to my family members. 284 00:14:42.480 --> 00:14:45.920 It didn't affect me directly, 285 00:14:45.920 --> 00:14:49.560 but you better believe as a fourth grader, eight-year-old, 286 00:14:49.560 --> 00:14:53.040 that impacted me because all of a sudden my single, 287 00:14:53.040 --> 00:14:55.560 my mom, who's a single mom and already barely home 288 00:14:55.560 --> 00:14:59.640 because she's working multiple jobs, is gone more. 289 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:06.160 So my little eight year old self interpreted it as I'm abandoned. 290 00:15:06.160 --> 00:15:07.520 I'm neglected. 291 00:15:07.520 --> 00:15:12.420 I didn't know that's what it was back then, but as I've gotten older, that's that timeframe 292 00:15:12.420 --> 00:15:16.560 was a very difficult time for me. 293 00:15:16.560 --> 00:15:23.380 And I didn't understand why I was always getting put on the back burner, even though I understood. 294 00:15:23.380 --> 00:15:24.380 I didn't understand. 295 00:15:24.380 --> 00:15:26.520 Do y'all hear what I'm saying? 296 00:15:26.520 --> 00:15:33.580 Sometimes we carry these things with us and we are still living today as an adult through 297 00:15:33.580 --> 00:15:37.020 that eight year old lens. 298 00:15:37.020 --> 00:15:42.080 So my question for you tonight is have any of you all witnessed or experienced something 299 00:15:42.080 --> 00:15:48.580 that was traumatic that has impacted you and you might potentially still be showing up 300 00:15:48.580 --> 00:15:54.940 in the world through that lens from when that happened in your life. 301 00:15:54.940 --> 00:15:57.940 And if you've done a lot of work around those things, that's amazing. 302 00:15:57.940 --> 00:16:01.740 But I know it's important that if, even if it comes up, even if you've already dealt 303 00:16:01.740 --> 00:16:05.780 with it before, if it comes up while you're in the heart work, you all remember, I, I'm 304 00:16:05.780 --> 00:16:09.540 just asking you, you don't have to go all the way back through all that, but I'm asking 305 00:16:09.540 --> 00:16:13.740 you to take another peek, another look at that situation with the Lord. 306 00:16:13.740 --> 00:16:18.340 Because typically if it's coming up while you're here, God is trying to show you something 307 00:16:18.340 --> 00:16:19.340 about it. 308 00:16:19.340 --> 00:16:24.380 A new layer of healing, a new revealing for healing so that you can be set free in a greater 309 00:16:24.380 --> 00:16:25.380 capacity. 310 00:16:25.380 --> 00:16:28.020 You can receive more healing, more revelation, more insight. 311 00:16:28.020 --> 00:16:29.220 All right. 312 00:16:29.220 --> 00:16:33.220 Then also, what did people say about you and to you? 313 00:16:33.220 --> 00:16:34.980 Who does the enemy say that you are? 314 00:16:34.980 --> 00:16:35.980 What is the dialogue? 315 00:16:35.980 --> 00:16:40.680 Again, the enemy uses people to speak to us in negative ways too, but sometimes he's talking 316 00:16:40.680 --> 00:16:42.180 to us directly. 317 00:16:42.180 --> 00:16:46.780 Does anyone ever feel like, man, you wake up and some days it's just like bombarded 318 00:16:46.780 --> 00:16:48.940 in your mind and it's just so heavy. 319 00:16:48.940 --> 00:16:52.860 It's one thought after another, after another, and it feels like you can't even come up for 320 00:16:52.860 --> 00:16:53.860 air. 321 00:16:54.340 --> 00:16:57.900 What is the assault of the enemy against your mind? 322 00:16:57.900 --> 00:17:00.060 It's a real thing. 323 00:17:00.060 --> 00:17:04.300 And then who does God say you are? 324 00:17:04.300 --> 00:17:06.859 Who or what are you currently getting your identity from? 325 00:17:06.859 --> 00:17:08.740 That's what I'm talking about right now. 326 00:17:08.740 --> 00:17:10.380 Is it from these traumas? 327 00:17:10.380 --> 00:17:14.060 Is it from the things that you even directly experienced? 328 00:17:14.060 --> 00:17:16.540 Is it from what somebody else said about you? 329 00:17:16.540 --> 00:17:20.780 Is it from what the enemy is saying about you or what God says about you? 330 00:17:20.780 --> 00:17:21.780 All right. 331 00:17:21.780 --> 00:17:23.900 So I'm going to activate you again. 332 00:17:23.900 --> 00:17:27.060 I want you to, again, don't hold back. 333 00:17:27.060 --> 00:17:28.339 If you have something positive, cool. 334 00:17:28.339 --> 00:17:32.460 If you have something that's not positive, you just put in here whatever comes to you 335 00:17:32.460 --> 00:17:33.460 right away. 336 00:17:33.460 --> 00:17:34.460 All right. 337 00:17:34.460 --> 00:17:36.300 Here's the question. 338 00:17:36.300 --> 00:17:41.940 What are two to three words that come to mind right now about who you are? 339 00:17:41.940 --> 00:17:48.860 Two to three words right now, quickly, that come to mind about who you are. 340 00:17:48.860 --> 00:17:54.140 Pamela says, I'm an overcomer, right? 341 00:17:54.140 --> 00:17:55.140 That's awesome. 342 00:17:55.140 --> 00:18:01.940 Randy says, good child of God, strong, overcomes royal daughter, Karen. 343 00:18:01.940 --> 00:18:07.900 Always growing, beautiful, smart, overwhelmed, lost, empty, people pleaser, conquering, loved, 344 00:18:07.900 --> 00:18:13.140 cherished, valued, failure, a daughter of God, healing, growing, overwhelmed. 345 00:18:13.140 --> 00:18:15.780 These are all coming into the chat for those that are watching the replay. 346 00:18:15.780 --> 00:18:17.220 These are things ladies are putting in here. 347 00:18:17.220 --> 00:18:20.420 I'm a woman of God, a great daughter, and comical extrovert. 348 00:18:20.420 --> 00:18:21.420 I love that. 349 00:18:21.420 --> 00:18:23.580 Forgotten, just not meant for relationships. 350 00:18:23.580 --> 00:18:27.780 All right, Sam W., thanks for being real and honest on that. 351 00:18:27.780 --> 00:18:32.620 Fun, loving, caring, achiever, believer, sorry, they're going a little fast now. 352 00:18:32.620 --> 00:18:36.260 Growing, nurturing, amazing mom, I'm tired of being single. 353 00:18:36.260 --> 00:18:40.700 All right, unsure, go-getter, we got more coming in. 354 00:18:40.700 --> 00:18:44.780 All right, ladies, go ahead and keep adding those as they come to you. 355 00:18:44.780 --> 00:18:49.780 The reason I wanted you to be thinking about who are you, like knowing who you are quickly 356 00:18:49.780 --> 00:18:51.260 and being able to partner with things. 357 00:18:51.260 --> 00:18:55.540 Well, if it's something that's not healthy, and if it's something that's not positive, 358 00:18:55.540 --> 00:18:59.020 man, it's not good for us to partner with that, right? 359 00:18:59.020 --> 00:19:03.540 And so tonight I want you to be thinking about your root system, just like a tree. 360 00:19:03.540 --> 00:19:08.580 A tree has to have roots that go hopefully down deep so it's really good foundation. 361 00:19:08.580 --> 00:19:12.780 And when the wind blows and the storm comes, that tree doesn't hopefully get knocked over 362 00:19:12.780 --> 00:19:14.180 super easily. 363 00:19:14.180 --> 00:19:17.060 But what does your root system look like? 364 00:19:17.060 --> 00:19:20.100 What's your soil look like, where you're planted? 365 00:19:20.100 --> 00:19:21.740 What are you getting your nutrients from? 366 00:19:21.740 --> 00:19:24.820 Are they healthy nutrients or are they things that are harming you? 367 00:19:24.820 --> 00:19:29.060 Just like what we put in our bodies, like when we eat things that aren't good, sometimes 368 00:19:29.060 --> 00:19:30.660 we don't feel so good, right? 369 00:19:30.660 --> 00:19:32.900 Well, think about it from that perspective. 370 00:19:32.900 --> 00:19:39.260 What if someone said something to you and about you, and you started partnering with 371 00:19:39.260 --> 00:19:45.620 it so long that it grew this root deep down in that is negative? 372 00:19:45.620 --> 00:19:47.780 It's unhealthy. 373 00:19:47.780 --> 00:19:50.140 And that's what's informing your fruit. 374 00:19:50.140 --> 00:19:54.900 So when people experience you in this world, how do they experience you? 375 00:19:54.900 --> 00:19:59.980 What is the fruit that they see in your life and from your life and the things that 376 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.120 You're saying, do you know that out of the overflow of the mouth heart, 377 00:20:03.120 --> 00:20:07.040 the mouth speaks. So whatever we're speaking, it's coming from in here, 378 00:20:07.740 --> 00:20:11.560 whatever we're thinking it's coming from in here. It's, and I want to say, 379 00:20:11.600 --> 00:20:14.320 ladies, sometimes the reason I had to start tonight, 380 00:20:15.120 --> 00:20:19.960 the times we notice it the most is when the pressures apply. 381 00:20:21.160 --> 00:20:25.280 I don't know about anybody else, but I think positive things most of the time. 382 00:20:25.280 --> 00:20:29.080 And then some days I feel like I'm getting squished like a big old, 383 00:20:29.240 --> 00:20:31.760 like a grilled cheese, you know, 384 00:20:31.760 --> 00:20:35.720 where they take the press and they just squeeze the thing down. Yeah. 385 00:20:35.920 --> 00:20:39.960 The, the olive press, anybody else relate to that pressure feeling? 386 00:20:40.640 --> 00:20:43.280 Well, guess what? Sometimes when that happens, 387 00:20:43.840 --> 00:20:48.120 I'm not so proud of what comes out. Even if I don't speak it out of my mouth, 388 00:20:48.120 --> 00:20:52.000 ladies, sometimes things in my mind that I recognize that I'm partnering with, 389 00:20:53.760 --> 00:20:56.080 it doesn't sound so good. It doesn't look so good. 390 00:20:56.080 --> 00:20:59.400 And it doesn't partner with heaven. And so daily, 391 00:20:59.560 --> 00:21:03.080 I want to encourage you all to be thinking about your root system. You know, 392 00:21:03.080 --> 00:21:05.600 where are you getting those nutrients? What's in your soil. 393 00:21:05.800 --> 00:21:09.040 And remember that everything that goes into our hearts is going to get 394 00:21:09.040 --> 00:21:11.160 reproduced. So if we're, 395 00:21:11.360 --> 00:21:15.760 we're meditating on lies like I'm not good enough, I'm a failure. 396 00:21:15.760 --> 00:21:17.680 I'm stupid. Guess what? 397 00:21:18.920 --> 00:21:21.240 That is going to show up in your everyday life, 398 00:21:21.240 --> 00:21:25.240 whether you want it to or not, when you encounter people, including men, 399 00:21:25.760 --> 00:21:30.480 and men that are healthy can smell unhealthy from a mile away. 400 00:21:31.080 --> 00:21:34.160 They can smell insecurity from a mile away. So let's, 401 00:21:34.360 --> 00:21:38.880 let's deal with the stuff in our hearts so that we can move forward into healthy 402 00:21:39.240 --> 00:21:43.840 whole relationships to people that are whole 403 00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:48.240 coming together is what makes a whole person. Okay. 404 00:21:49.120 --> 00:21:51.840 But if you got two broken people, guess what? 405 00:21:52.440 --> 00:21:53.280 Or one's hole. 406 00:21:53.280 --> 00:21:57.800 And the other is just still really broken and they come together and makes it 407 00:21:57.800 --> 00:22:00.800 really hard to move forward in a healthy way. 408 00:22:01.040 --> 00:22:04.920 Have you all ever seen a three legged race where the people, you know, 409 00:22:04.920 --> 00:22:09.400 tie their one leg together. And so a couple or team, 410 00:22:09.400 --> 00:22:13.600 instead of having four legs, they T they technically now have three legs. 411 00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:15.000 Well, 412 00:22:15.440 --> 00:22:20.320 if one of those people sits down or kneels or whatever, 413 00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:23.080 it's going to make it really hard for that other person to walk because they're 414 00:22:23.080 --> 00:22:25.520 going to have to drag them the whole way. 415 00:22:26.680 --> 00:22:28.000 If they can even move. 416 00:22:29.360 --> 00:22:33.920 So wouldn't you rather be partnered with someone that's healthy and 417 00:22:33.920 --> 00:22:38.520 whole, and wouldn't you want to be healthy and whole before you meet them? 418 00:22:38.960 --> 00:22:42.160 I hope so. So tonight, part of that is, is, 419 00:22:42.200 --> 00:22:43.840 I want to encourage you to come again, 420 00:22:43.880 --> 00:22:47.680 out of alignment with these negative thought processes and the things that were 421 00:22:47.680 --> 00:22:51.520 said over you that you are partnering with that are not serving you well. 422 00:22:51.760 --> 00:22:56.280 Luke 6 45 in the NLT version says a good person produces good things from the 423 00:22:56.280 --> 00:22:58.080 treasury of a good heart. 424 00:22:58.080 --> 00:23:02.480 And an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an 425 00:23:02.520 --> 00:23:03.600 evil heart. 426 00:23:04.080 --> 00:23:07.120 What you say flows from what's in your heart. 427 00:23:07.840 --> 00:23:11.440 So that's just another version, another way to say what I was saying earlier, 428 00:23:11.680 --> 00:23:14.560 out of the overflow of our heart, our mouth speaks. 429 00:23:14.560 --> 00:23:18.800 And if we've got unhealthy fruit in there and roots, I'm sorry, 430 00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:22.080 unhealthy roots in there and brokenness and fragmentation, 431 00:23:22.080 --> 00:23:26.720 while the fruit is going to be broken and not so lovely for 432 00:23:26.720 --> 00:23:29.360 people to eat off of. And, you know, grow from, 433 00:23:29.760 --> 00:23:33.240 are your roots giving you life or are they causing you to, to decay? 434 00:23:35.120 --> 00:23:38.400 So how can you tell what's in your roots? 435 00:23:38.680 --> 00:23:40.800 Well, you look at the fruit in your life. 436 00:23:40.840 --> 00:23:43.880 So I'm going to read a little excerpt from the heart work book to you. 437 00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:45.080 This is what it says. 438 00:23:45.080 --> 00:23:49.920 Fruits are the emotional or physical manifestations and 439 00:23:49.920 --> 00:23:54.720 the subsequent actions you have been taking as a result of what 440 00:23:54.720 --> 00:23:56.440 you believe in your heart. 441 00:23:58.160 --> 00:24:02.800 Fruits are the emotional or physical manifestations in the subsequent 442 00:24:02.800 --> 00:24:07.480 actions you have been taking as a result of what you believe in your 443 00:24:07.480 --> 00:24:11.160 heart. Fruits may include sickness, self-pity, 444 00:24:11.680 --> 00:24:15.640 a victim mentality, despair, not sadness, suicidal tendencies, 445 00:24:15.640 --> 00:24:18.600 disgust judgment, just a side note. 446 00:24:18.600 --> 00:24:22.440 If you have a problem with judging others or even ladies being really critical 447 00:24:22.440 --> 00:24:24.760 of other people that falls in that category as well, 448 00:24:25.040 --> 00:24:26.880 it's because you have a fragmented heart. 449 00:24:27.120 --> 00:24:31.280 A judgmental heart is a hurting heart. Some more fruits are obesity, 450 00:24:31.280 --> 00:24:35.600 perversion, addiction, sexual dysfunction, hopelessness, 451 00:24:35.600 --> 00:24:39.280 hatred, and self-hatred. Just so you know, 452 00:24:39.320 --> 00:24:43.880 all forms of hatred begin with self hatred. 453 00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:48.400 You cannot hate someone else without hating yourself. 454 00:24:48.400 --> 00:24:52.400 Remember the scripture love your neighbor as you love yourself. Well, 455 00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:54.560 if you don't like yourself, 456 00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:58.040 you're going to walk around not liking other people a lot too. 457 00:24:59.040 --> 00:24:59.960 Here's some more. 458 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.400 unhealthy fruit, abrasiveness, short temper, irritability, jealousy, envy, competitiveness, 459 00:25:06.400 --> 00:25:11.680 comparing, gossiping, backstabbing, being unhappy, ungratefulness, selfishness, 460 00:25:11.680 --> 00:25:18.240 having a poverty mentality. If you are habitually negative, that's also a not good fruit, ladies. 461 00:25:19.040 --> 00:25:25.280 Unfaithful, have any form of dis, so including disease, disconnection, discontent, 462 00:25:25.280 --> 00:25:33.040 and disappointment, you are suffering from a broken heart. Okay, so I want to encourage you 463 00:25:33.040 --> 00:25:38.000 to be asking the Lord, what, what unhealthy fruit do you have in your life right now? 464 00:25:39.600 --> 00:25:44.000 Could be any of those from the list. Which ones resonate for you? I want you to write those down. 465 00:25:45.600 --> 00:25:49.600 I'm going to pass this over to Annette. I would love for you to share, Annette, on 466 00:25:49.600 --> 00:25:53.280 just when you were going through the heart work or even, it could be something even recently, 467 00:25:53.280 --> 00:26:00.240 where God revealed to you unhealthy roots and that he wanted you to seek him for deeper 468 00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:06.160 healing and growth. What did that look like and sound like for you? And I have to pick just one. 469 00:26:10.480 --> 00:26:18.240 There's a few things that come to mind. I would say one of the biggest ones was comparison 470 00:26:18.240 --> 00:26:26.080 and comparing myself to other people. And if I felt like I measured up great, but so often 471 00:26:27.040 --> 00:26:33.280 because of being self-critical, I didn't measure up. It wasn't good enough. I didn't work hard 472 00:26:33.280 --> 00:26:39.520 enough. I was rejected because I, you know, I wasn't this person or I wasn't that person, 473 00:26:39.520 --> 00:26:44.960 or I wasn't thin enough, or, you know, looked a certain way or acted or talked a certain way, 474 00:26:45.360 --> 00:26:51.200 was in a certain, you know, income bracket or intelligence and education, so many things 475 00:26:51.920 --> 00:26:59.920 that I really fell into comparing myself with other people. And God really showed me 476 00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:08.720 a lot about stepping into my true identity of who he made me to be and speaking truth over my life 477 00:27:08.800 --> 00:27:16.000 of how he created me and really having a heart of gratitude for and focusing on the unique things 478 00:27:16.000 --> 00:27:26.960 that make me who I am and the plans and purposes that he has for me in the earth that are specific 479 00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:36.640 to me. Nobody else can do them. He designed them for me to do because he needs me. And so he needs 480 00:27:36.640 --> 00:27:44.400 me to be myself, not look at everybody else and stop and don't move forward because out of fear 481 00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:49.520 that I don't think I'm going to be good enough or I'm not going to measure up. Go forward into who 482 00:27:49.520 --> 00:27:57.280 God's called me to be. Step into the things that he has for me because we're all a gift. Each one 483 00:27:57.280 --> 00:28:04.320 of us are a gift and we're here for a specific time, a specific purpose, and for plans. And 484 00:28:04.880 --> 00:28:11.600 to live the most abundant life that God has for us, we need to surrender to that and partner, 485 00:28:11.600 --> 00:28:18.480 get rid of the lies and walk in the truth of who he says we are, not anybody else. 486 00:28:20.320 --> 00:28:26.000 I love that. Yes, Lord, help us to know who you say we are and to walk in that and partner with 487 00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:31.600 that daily. And again, just being honest with ourselves, I will tell you when I got the most 488 00:28:31.920 --> 00:28:36.720 breakthrough in my healing journey, and even still today, it's when I'm very brutally honest 489 00:28:36.720 --> 00:28:42.480 with myself and not beating myself up, but just being really like all the walls coming down. 490 00:28:44.080 --> 00:28:47.840 I'm getting ready to get you all set up for the breakout sessions. The way we're going to do it 491 00:28:47.840 --> 00:28:51.280 tonight, it's going to be a little tiny different. I'm going to put you in your breakout questions. 492 00:28:51.280 --> 00:28:56.400 I'll give you, excuse me, your breakout session. I'm going to give you the question here in a 493 00:28:56.400 --> 00:29:00.480 minute. Okay. When you come back, normally we do group coaching right away. The way we're going 494 00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:05.280 to do it tonight is I have another section of content that I'm going to go right into when you 495 00:29:05.280 --> 00:29:09.280 come back, and then I'll give you all your activation for the night, and then I'm going 496 00:29:09.280 --> 00:29:14.240 to open it up for group coaching. Okay. So you're still going to go into breakout, and this is going 497 00:29:14.240 --> 00:29:21.920 to be your question. What is currently an unhealthy or negative root in your life that's producing 498 00:29:21.920 --> 00:29:28.800 unhealthy fruit that you need to allow God to come in and heal? Right. What is currently an 499 00:29:29.760 --> 00:29:35.280 unhealthy root that's producing unhealthy fruit in your life right now that you need to allow God 500 00:29:35.280 --> 00:29:39.760 to come in and heal? Okay. I'm going to hit the open rooms. That's going to pop up on your screen 501 00:29:39.760 --> 00:29:43.760 for you. If you're new, you're going to want to click on that as soon as you can, ladies. Okay. 502 00:29:43.760 --> 00:29:49.840 Here you go. Go ahead and click to join those. Hi, Erica. I see that you just joined. I'll get 503 00:29:49.840 --> 00:29:54.320 you in a room here in just a minute. It won't let me do it while they're popping in. 504 00:29:54.320 --> 00:29:58.080 No, you're okay. I'm sorry. You're fine. 505 00:30:00.720 --> 00:30:02.040 All right. 506 00:30:06.400 --> 00:30:07.960 All right. 507 00:30:07.960 --> 00:30:09.120 Let's see, I just don't wanna put you, 508 00:30:09.120 --> 00:30:11.240 okay, I can put you in that room, that's cool. 509 00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:14.640 All right, there, that should be there for you. 510 00:30:14.640 --> 00:30:16.440 Go ahead and click to join that. 511 00:30:16.440 --> 00:30:20.620 All right, anyone else not going into a room tonight, 512 00:30:20.620 --> 00:30:22.680 you're at work or something, put that in the chat for me 513 00:30:22.680 --> 00:30:24.320 just so I can see it. 514 00:30:24.320 --> 00:30:26.320 I'm gonna move some people around here. 515 00:30:27.240 --> 00:30:30.640 Father, we just thank you so much for all that you're doing. 516 00:30:32.880 --> 00:30:36.880 Sorry, I see someone's by themselves, put her down there. 517 00:30:41.680 --> 00:30:43.120 All right, Father, thank you so much 518 00:30:43.120 --> 00:30:46.120 for what you're doing, God, already in this place tonight. 519 00:30:46.120 --> 00:30:48.840 God, we thank you for revealings, for healing happening, 520 00:30:48.840 --> 00:30:51.480 that you would continue to take things out of darkness 521 00:30:51.480 --> 00:30:54.320 into the light and help us to understand 522 00:30:54.360 --> 00:30:56.200 and hear what your spirit is saying 523 00:30:56.200 --> 00:30:58.560 louder than any voice of the enemy. 524 00:30:58.560 --> 00:31:01.960 And we just thank you that you would just help us 525 00:31:01.960 --> 00:31:05.160 to experience your truth, your life, your joy. 526 00:31:05.160 --> 00:31:07.400 We thank you, God, that you are redeeming us, 527 00:31:07.400 --> 00:31:08.720 that you're transforming us, 528 00:31:08.720 --> 00:31:10.800 that you're helping us to hear revelation 529 00:31:10.800 --> 00:31:11.840 from heaven over us. 530 00:31:11.840 --> 00:31:16.840 We thank you, God, and we partner with, yes, Lord, 531 00:31:17.040 --> 00:31:18.560 that you prepare a table for us 532 00:31:18.560 --> 00:31:19.880 in the presence of our enemies, 533 00:31:19.880 --> 00:31:22.280 that even when the enemy comes to kill us, 534 00:31:22.600 --> 00:31:25.840 that even when the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy, 535 00:31:25.840 --> 00:31:27.680 that you sent Jesus to give us life 536 00:31:27.680 --> 00:31:29.000 and give it to us more abundantly, 537 00:31:29.000 --> 00:31:31.840 and you invite us to come into that place with you. 538 00:31:31.840 --> 00:31:34.520 And I thank you, God, that we can partner with you 539 00:31:34.520 --> 00:31:35.960 to receive the truth, 540 00:31:35.960 --> 00:31:38.400 to declare your promises over our lives. 541 00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:41.720 We thank you that even as Psalm 1-3 says 542 00:31:41.720 --> 00:31:42.960 in the Passion Translation, 543 00:31:42.960 --> 00:31:45.560 he will be standing from like a flourishing tree 544 00:31:45.560 --> 00:31:47.040 planted by God's design, 545 00:31:47.040 --> 00:31:49.240 deeply rooted by the brooks of bliss, 546 00:31:49.240 --> 00:31:52.520 bearing fruit in every season of his life. 547 00:31:52.520 --> 00:31:54.640 He's never dry, never fainting, 548 00:31:54.640 --> 00:31:56.800 ever blessed, ever prosperous. 549 00:31:56.800 --> 00:31:58.880 Lord, help us to partner with the truth 550 00:31:58.880 --> 00:32:02.240 that we're always gonna bear fruit in every season 551 00:32:02.240 --> 00:32:04.240 and that we're not gonna be dry. 552 00:32:04.240 --> 00:32:06.280 You know, to me, that's almost like the dead end, 553 00:32:06.280 --> 00:32:08.960 the hopelessness, the feeling of not enough, 554 00:32:08.960 --> 00:32:10.280 the feeling of being worthless. 555 00:32:10.280 --> 00:32:14.920 Like those remind me of feeling dead and dry and lifeless. 556 00:32:14.920 --> 00:32:17.600 And I wanna encourage you to partner with the truth 557 00:32:17.600 --> 00:32:20.440 that we're gonna be ever blessed, ever prosperous, 558 00:32:20.440 --> 00:32:25.280 and that we would just know and see in the spirit realm 559 00:32:25.280 --> 00:32:26.480 what is abundance, 560 00:32:26.480 --> 00:32:29.600 what is the mindset that we need to partner with 561 00:32:29.600 --> 00:32:31.360 that will help us to come out of alignment 562 00:32:31.360 --> 00:32:32.840 with the things of the past 563 00:32:32.840 --> 00:32:36.320 and partner with the truth of where God wants to take us. 564 00:32:37.640 --> 00:32:38.960 I think this is good too. 565 00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:40.680 Ecclesiastes 7-9 says this, 566 00:32:40.680 --> 00:32:45.240 control your temper for anger labels you a fool. 567 00:32:45.240 --> 00:32:46.840 Lord, I thank you that you would help us 568 00:32:46.880 --> 00:32:51.600 to allow you to come in and heal every wound in our heart 569 00:32:51.600 --> 00:32:56.040 that leads us to act out on things like anger. 570 00:32:56.040 --> 00:32:58.000 And we know that anger is hurt's bodyguard. 571 00:32:58.000 --> 00:33:01.640 So Lord, we ask you to help us to lean into you for healing 572 00:33:01.640 --> 00:33:04.120 in the deep places of our heart where we're hurting, 573 00:33:04.120 --> 00:33:07.800 where we're wounded, where we're frustrated, where we're sad. 574 00:33:07.800 --> 00:33:10.240 Lord, so many things live in those dark places 575 00:33:10.240 --> 00:33:11.960 and we just thank you. 576 00:33:13.240 --> 00:33:16.520 Yes, Lord, that you are the light of the world, 577 00:33:17.200 --> 00:33:18.360 that nothing is too hard for you 578 00:33:18.360 --> 00:33:20.920 and everything that we have need of God, 579 00:33:20.920 --> 00:33:23.040 that you're working even when we can't see it, 580 00:33:23.040 --> 00:33:23.960 you're working. 581 00:33:23.960 --> 00:33:26.520 We thank you that right now we ask you 582 00:33:26.520 --> 00:33:27.800 and invite you, Holy Spirit, 583 00:33:27.800 --> 00:33:31.240 to come into every dark area in our minds, 584 00:33:31.240 --> 00:33:33.280 our bodies, our spirits, our souls, 585 00:33:33.280 --> 00:33:36.200 and that you would just illuminate it with your glory, 586 00:33:36.200 --> 00:33:38.160 with your presence, with your love. 587 00:33:38.160 --> 00:33:40.400 You're the great counselor. 588 00:33:40.400 --> 00:33:43.600 You're our guide, our keeper. 589 00:33:43.600 --> 00:33:45.600 And you help us in every moment. 590 00:33:47.240 --> 00:33:49.400 Yes, Lord, we never walk alone. 591 00:33:49.400 --> 00:33:51.280 There's a song by Elevation, 592 00:33:51.280 --> 00:33:52.640 I think it's by Elevation Rhythm, 593 00:33:52.640 --> 00:33:54.320 and they talk about never walk alone. 594 00:33:54.320 --> 00:33:55.800 I love that song. 595 00:33:55.800 --> 00:33:57.280 It's such a great reminder 596 00:33:57.280 --> 00:33:59.280 that there's nothing that we go through 597 00:33:59.280 --> 00:34:00.600 that we have to go through alone 598 00:34:00.600 --> 00:34:02.600 because God never leaves us. 599 00:34:02.600 --> 00:34:03.960 He never forsakes us. 600 00:34:03.960 --> 00:34:05.520 He's always walking with us, 601 00:34:05.520 --> 00:34:09.000 but it's us remembering that we never walk alone 602 00:34:09.000 --> 00:34:10.600 and partnering with that truth. 603 00:34:10.600 --> 00:34:14.360 So Lord, I just thank you that you would remind us tonight. 604 00:34:14.400 --> 00:34:17.159 Yes, Lord, that your hand is always extended to us, 605 00:34:17.159 --> 00:34:20.560 and it's up to us to take your hand, Father. 606 00:34:20.560 --> 00:34:22.239 I thank you that you're a good father, 607 00:34:22.239 --> 00:34:24.120 that you would give us a fresh revelation 608 00:34:24.120 --> 00:34:26.120 of your absolute love for us, 609 00:34:26.120 --> 00:34:27.400 that it's unconditional, 610 00:34:27.400 --> 00:34:29.920 that nothing can separate us from your love, 611 00:34:29.920 --> 00:34:32.760 not height, nor depth, nor principalities, nor powers, 612 00:34:32.760 --> 00:34:35.960 nor the things in the present, nor the things to come. 613 00:34:35.960 --> 00:34:37.600 Yes, Lord, even in the future, 614 00:34:37.600 --> 00:34:39.480 no matter if hardship comes, 615 00:34:39.480 --> 00:34:42.159 that we can remain in your love, God, 616 00:34:42.199 --> 00:34:45.199 that you would just envelop us with your wings 617 00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:48.120 and hide us under the shadow of the Almighty. 618 00:34:48.120 --> 00:34:51.679 That is you, God, that you would help us to remember 619 00:34:51.679 --> 00:34:54.560 that we can trust you, that we wouldn't... 620 00:34:55.639 --> 00:34:57.360 I don't know if y'all have ever played cards, 621 00:34:57.360 --> 00:34:59.760 but there's a statement called reneging. 622 00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:01.400 God, I thank you for that. 623 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.540 He doesn't renege, he doesn't put his cards down 624 00:35:02.540 --> 00:35:05.360 and pull them back, he just shows us the cards 625 00:35:05.360 --> 00:35:08.180 and it's up to us to partner with the truth 626 00:35:08.180 --> 00:35:11.620 and to not allow the enemy to lie to us, 627 00:35:11.620 --> 00:35:13.620 to kill, steal and destroy. 628 00:35:13.620 --> 00:35:15.100 Jeremiah 24, seven says, 629 00:35:15.100 --> 00:35:18.540 I will give them hearts that recognize me as the Lord. 630 00:35:18.540 --> 00:35:21.060 They will be my people and I will be their God 631 00:35:21.060 --> 00:35:25.300 for they will return to me wholeheartedly. 632 00:35:25.300 --> 00:35:27.340 God, thank you for giving us hearts tonight 633 00:35:27.340 --> 00:35:29.860 that recognize you as our Lord. 634 00:35:29.940 --> 00:35:33.420 As our savior, as our ever-present help in times of trouble. 635 00:35:33.420 --> 00:35:35.220 God, that you're with us on the mountaintops, 636 00:35:35.220 --> 00:35:36.700 you're with us in the valley, Loa. 637 00:35:36.700 --> 00:35:40.840 Thank you, God, that we can be filled 638 00:35:40.840 --> 00:35:43.380 with the joy of your presence 639 00:35:43.380 --> 00:35:44.780 and that we can hear what your spirit 640 00:35:44.780 --> 00:35:46.500 is saying over us this night. 641 00:35:47.620 --> 00:35:49.140 First John 3, 20 says, 642 00:35:49.140 --> 00:35:50.980 whenever our hearts make us feel guilty 643 00:35:50.980 --> 00:35:52.340 and remind us of our failures, 644 00:35:52.340 --> 00:35:53.860 we know that God is much greater 645 00:35:53.860 --> 00:35:56.060 and more merciful than our conscience. 646 00:35:56.060 --> 00:35:59.140 And he knows everything there is to know about us. 647 00:35:59.860 --> 00:36:03.820 God, I thank you that you created us in our mother's womb 648 00:36:04.900 --> 00:36:07.060 and you were so happy and excited. 649 00:36:07.060 --> 00:36:08.540 You knew everything about us. 650 00:36:08.540 --> 00:36:11.600 You knew every aspect, every twinkle in our eyes, 651 00:36:11.600 --> 00:36:13.860 every hair on our head is counted. 652 00:36:14.760 --> 00:36:17.180 Yes, Lord, just like you take care of the sparrows, 653 00:36:17.180 --> 00:36:18.940 you're taking care of us. 654 00:36:19.820 --> 00:36:21.540 No matter what the enemy's saying, 655 00:36:21.540 --> 00:36:23.540 no matter what we're going through, God, 656 00:36:23.540 --> 00:36:25.760 that you are providing for us. 657 00:36:27.220 --> 00:36:28.360 Yes, Lord. 658 00:36:29.860 --> 00:36:31.060 Yes, Lord. 659 00:36:31.060 --> 00:36:32.300 Luke 12, two says, 660 00:36:32.300 --> 00:36:34.860 everything hidden and covered up will soon be exposed 661 00:36:34.860 --> 00:36:36.660 for the fast aid is falling down 662 00:36:36.660 --> 00:36:39.420 and nothing will be kept secret for long. 663 00:36:39.420 --> 00:36:42.020 We thank you, God, that you would, again, 664 00:36:42.020 --> 00:36:44.660 just bring things out of the secret places 665 00:36:44.660 --> 00:36:47.220 into the light and your perfect timing. 666 00:36:47.220 --> 00:36:48.780 God, that we can even trust you 667 00:36:48.780 --> 00:36:51.260 in the moment of revealings for healing. 668 00:36:51.260 --> 00:36:52.980 And when we feel overwhelmed, 669 00:36:52.980 --> 00:36:56.100 that we can partner with God, we can rely on you. 670 00:36:56.100 --> 00:36:58.800 We can trust you that you're gonna see us through. 671 00:37:00.860 --> 00:37:01.780 I just heard the Lord say, 672 00:37:01.780 --> 00:37:04.860 he's gonna take us to the end of the line, ladies. 673 00:37:04.860 --> 00:37:07.100 All the way, he's in, he's all in. 674 00:37:07.100 --> 00:37:09.820 He's not changing his mind about us. 675 00:37:09.820 --> 00:37:12.280 Even when we make mistakes, he's not gonna change his mind. 676 00:37:12.280 --> 00:37:15.660 He's not gonna just jump away from the promise 677 00:37:15.660 --> 00:37:16.920 and be like, oh, see you later. 678 00:37:16.920 --> 00:37:19.100 You're in this on your own now. 679 00:37:19.100 --> 00:37:21.680 Like some people in the world have done to us. 680 00:37:21.680 --> 00:37:23.320 God is saying, I'm all in. 681 00:37:23.320 --> 00:37:24.300 I'm not gonna leave you. 682 00:37:24.300 --> 00:37:25.560 I'm not gonna run out. 683 00:37:25.560 --> 00:37:28.140 I'm not gonna be like the people, you know, 684 00:37:28.140 --> 00:37:29.780 that you've experienced in the world. 685 00:37:30.620 --> 00:37:31.700 I love you. 686 00:37:31.700 --> 00:37:34.500 And I sent my son to die for you. 687 00:37:34.500 --> 00:37:37.380 And Jesus chose to go to the cross for us. 688 00:37:38.260 --> 00:37:40.260 Why would we think for one moment 689 00:37:40.260 --> 00:37:42.580 that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit 690 00:37:42.580 --> 00:37:45.220 wouldn't do anything that it took 691 00:37:45.220 --> 00:37:47.660 to bring fulfillment to the promise? 692 00:37:47.660 --> 00:37:49.060 Jesus went to the cross 693 00:37:49.060 --> 00:37:51.440 and fulfilled the most important promise. 694 00:37:52.980 --> 00:37:56.240 So how could we believe that he's not a promise keeper now? 695 00:37:56.240 --> 00:38:00.240 So, Father, help us, help us and forgive us 696 00:38:00.240 --> 00:38:01.640 for the times that we doubt you, 697 00:38:01.640 --> 00:38:05.400 that we believe the lie that you won't come through for us. 698 00:38:05.400 --> 00:38:07.960 God, that you're gonna bless everybody else and not us, 699 00:38:07.960 --> 00:38:10.840 that you take your love or remove 700 00:38:10.840 --> 00:38:13.200 or pull your love back from us, because that isn't truth. 701 00:38:13.200 --> 00:38:17.360 So help us to forgive ourselves for believing the lies 702 00:38:17.360 --> 00:38:18.960 and come into partnership and agreement 703 00:38:18.960 --> 00:38:20.560 with the truth tonight. 704 00:38:20.560 --> 00:38:21.920 In Jesus' name. 705 00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:22.760 Welcome back. 706 00:38:22.760 --> 00:38:25.520 I'm gonna go ahead and start to go into our interview. 707 00:38:25.520 --> 00:38:27.760 Into our inner vows area. 708 00:38:28.800 --> 00:38:31.120 Ladies, if you've never heard this before, 709 00:38:31.120 --> 00:38:33.140 maybe some of you are familiar with inner vows, 710 00:38:33.140 --> 00:38:34.600 but I want you just to remain open 711 00:38:34.600 --> 00:38:36.840 because I wanna kind of unpack this 712 00:38:36.840 --> 00:38:38.320 a little bit more for you tonight. 713 00:38:38.320 --> 00:38:39.760 What is an inner vow? 714 00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:44.580 An inner vow is a determination set in our mind 715 00:38:44.580 --> 00:38:48.240 and heart to protect us from pain. 716 00:38:49.400 --> 00:38:51.540 I'm gonna read that again. 717 00:38:51.540 --> 00:38:55.740 A determination set in our mind and heart 718 00:38:55.740 --> 00:38:58.520 to protect us from pain. 719 00:38:58.520 --> 00:39:00.940 So I want you to be thinking even on your own, 720 00:39:00.940 --> 00:39:02.940 like asking the Lord where you're at, 721 00:39:02.940 --> 00:39:05.060 to reveal to you inner vows 722 00:39:05.060 --> 00:39:07.140 that you have made over the years, 723 00:39:07.140 --> 00:39:10.040 whether intentionally or subconsciously, 724 00:39:10.040 --> 00:39:11.620 because of things that you were going through, 725 00:39:11.620 --> 00:39:13.500 pain that you were experiencing. 726 00:39:13.500 --> 00:39:15.620 And so you were making these promises, 727 00:39:15.620 --> 00:39:18.340 these determinations within yourself 728 00:39:18.340 --> 00:39:23.220 to guard yourself from feeling that pain ever again. 729 00:39:24.900 --> 00:39:27.840 This is one of our self-protection mechanisms as well, 730 00:39:27.840 --> 00:39:30.840 ladies, where we put walls up. 731 00:39:30.840 --> 00:39:32.700 And I'm gonna go into what some of these vows are, 732 00:39:32.700 --> 00:39:34.020 and yours might sound different, 733 00:39:34.020 --> 00:39:36.820 but I feel like as I say these tonight, 734 00:39:36.820 --> 00:39:40.200 you're gonna hear some of your own language over the years 735 00:39:40.200 --> 00:39:41.780 and things that you've partnered with. 736 00:39:41.780 --> 00:39:44.460 So in just a moment, I will touch on those here. 737 00:39:45.420 --> 00:39:46.820 Romans 12, two says this, 738 00:39:46.820 --> 00:39:49.180 do not conform to the pattern of this world, 739 00:39:49.180 --> 00:39:52.000 but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. 740 00:39:52.000 --> 00:39:54.620 Then you will be able to test what God's will is, 741 00:39:54.620 --> 00:39:58.240 his good, pleasing, and perfect will. 742 00:39:59.260 --> 00:40:00.100 So as Jackie. 743 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.880 about in the videos. Yes, it is just, it is a renewing of our minds. But remember, our minds 744 00:40:04.880 --> 00:40:10.080 and our heart are connected. If you're having a lot of trouble with your mind, thinking positive 745 00:40:10.080 --> 00:40:15.440 things and being able to stand on God's truth, guess what? That's a signal. You've got a heart 746 00:40:15.440 --> 00:40:20.400 issue going on there. Do you experience a lot of panic all the time? You're always worried. 747 00:40:20.400 --> 00:40:24.720 You always, you know, I don't know if you all have ever done this. Anyone ever bumped into a 748 00:40:24.720 --> 00:40:30.720 wall and said, I'm sorry to the wall. Yep. I did. I did. I did that. I see a couple of the other 749 00:40:30.720 --> 00:40:39.280 ones. Why do we do that? Why do we do that? We're conditioned to apologize for things that actually 750 00:40:39.280 --> 00:40:44.240 are not like even things we need to apologize for. And some things are way bigger than when 751 00:40:44.240 --> 00:40:51.440 we bump into a wall, right? Sometimes we're saying, I'm sorry, when we're taking responsibility for 752 00:40:51.440 --> 00:41:03.040 things that other people did or said. Yeah. So Lord, help us to understand that we don't have 753 00:41:03.040 --> 00:41:07.520 to walk around always apologizing. Some of you all, I just heard the word say, some of you 754 00:41:07.520 --> 00:41:13.360 actually feel like you have to apologize for your existence. What do I mean by that? Well, 755 00:41:13.360 --> 00:41:19.520 when you were a kid, you were told that you were a bother. We had someone in the afternoon session 756 00:41:19.520 --> 00:41:23.840 that her mom, and y'all, when I tell this story, don't judge your mom. Okay. 757 00:41:23.840 --> 00:41:32.000 Broken people do things that hurt people. Okay. Um, but called her a rotten child, pulling her 758 00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:39.280 by her hair. You know, these are, these are not true things. Y'all here's the reality. Even at, 759 00:41:39.280 --> 00:41:46.560 as children, if we struggle, God created us inherently. Yes. The sin we automatically, 760 00:41:46.560 --> 00:41:49.840 as we have a flesh that we're born into. And so that's where we, 761 00:41:49.840 --> 00:41:55.280 we act out in our flesh, even as young children, but everything that God is, he put it in us. 762 00:41:58.480 --> 00:42:04.960 And we learn how to walk in unhealthy ways because of trauma, because of lies, because of inherited 763 00:42:04.960 --> 00:42:09.600 trauma from our parents. Remember, we've talked about that a little bit before. 764 00:42:09.600 --> 00:42:13.760 We haven't touched on it for a while, but some of the things, the vows might not even be your 765 00:42:13.760 --> 00:42:19.120 vows. They might've been vows your parents made that got passed down to you in the spirit realm, 766 00:42:19.120 --> 00:42:23.440 because they never healed. Now we don't have to get mad at them. That's not why I say this, 767 00:42:24.000 --> 00:42:29.200 but guess what? God has brought you here in this moment at this time for such a time as this. 768 00:42:29.200 --> 00:42:34.640 Why? So that you can be healed and transformed and that you can be a kinsman redeemer 769 00:42:34.640 --> 00:42:40.960 in your family line, and that you can create blessings generationally for generations to come. 770 00:42:41.120 --> 00:42:44.880 What is the soil in your heart? Remember, we were talking about that earlier. What does that look 771 00:42:44.880 --> 00:42:50.880 like? What is it? You know, is it a place where like literally flowers would be planted 772 00:42:50.880 --> 00:42:56.320 and they would grow or not so much? Is it dry, like a desert land? 773 00:42:58.480 --> 00:43:03.840 Because there's so much bitterness in there. You're constantly struggling with negativity and, 774 00:43:03.840 --> 00:43:08.960 and there's just like poison coming out. And even y'all, yes, the most bubbly, 775 00:43:09.040 --> 00:43:15.200 can still have bitterness deep down inside. So Lord, we need you to show us what we can't see. 776 00:43:15.200 --> 00:43:19.760 All right. So I'm going to read another little excerpt from, from the book for you. And this is 777 00:43:19.760 --> 00:43:25.120 about, you know, we're talking about these inner vows. This is what it says, but even though you 778 00:43:25.120 --> 00:43:29.520 won't be able to replace the actual events that happened in your life, you can replace the lies 779 00:43:29.520 --> 00:43:36.320 you believed. And most importantly, the vows you made as a result of your inner vows, 780 00:43:36.480 --> 00:43:44.080 the vows you made as a result of the lies you believed. Okay. When we experience these hurts 781 00:43:44.080 --> 00:43:49.200 in life, they make us sad. And when we are sad, that's when anger shows up. Remember anger is 782 00:43:49.200 --> 00:43:56.320 hurts like bodyguard. It's anger is always the defender. So if you're feeling angry, guess what? 783 00:43:56.320 --> 00:44:01.760 You're actually feeling something else underneath of that. But anger is here to defend and protect 784 00:44:01.760 --> 00:44:06.880 you from any kind of pain. My pages are different. That's why I never share the pages ladies, 785 00:44:07.440 --> 00:44:12.640 because I have a physical book and you're most of you have the ebook, but it is in chapter eight. 786 00:44:12.640 --> 00:44:19.280 So I can tell you that part and you can just look for it there. So as we go on, if you are, 787 00:44:19.280 --> 00:44:24.320 you know, again, feeling these anger, it's protecting the most vulnerable parts of your 788 00:44:24.320 --> 00:44:30.160 heart. That's what's happening. When anger is around, we feel strong and we start to make 789 00:44:30.160 --> 00:44:35.200 inner vows. Nobody's ever going to hurt me again. I don't care about anybody. I can't trust anybody. 790 00:44:35.200 --> 00:44:40.240 I will never turn out like my mother or father. I won't be made a fool anymore. Nobody is going to 791 00:44:40.240 --> 00:44:46.960 tell me what to do. I can't tell anybody about this. I will be perfect from now on so that nobody 792 00:44:46.960 --> 00:44:52.960 can ever reject me. We make a decision to harden our hearts and it makes sense in the moment. 793 00:44:53.680 --> 00:44:57.600 We think if we make these vows and build these walls around our hearts, we can keep 794 00:44:57.600 --> 00:45:00.160 all of the bad things out. But. 795 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.400 They aren't good at letting things in. 796 00:45:03.400 --> 00:45:06.920 And to stop surviving and to start thriving, ladies, 797 00:45:06.920 --> 00:45:11.680 we're going to have to be able to let a lot of things in. 798 00:45:12.880 --> 00:45:14.480 I'm gonna give you a couple other vows. 799 00:45:14.480 --> 00:45:17.000 Those were some of the vows we tend to make. 800 00:45:17.000 --> 00:45:19.840 These are a couple others I wrote down. 801 00:45:19.840 --> 00:45:22.080 I will never be able to make anyone happy. 802 00:45:23.120 --> 00:45:26.960 I will never date or marry a Larry or a John 803 00:45:26.960 --> 00:45:29.280 or a Brian in my case. 804 00:45:29.280 --> 00:45:30.400 Y'all, I married a Brian, 805 00:45:30.400 --> 00:45:33.200 but here's why I didn't want to marry a Brian. 806 00:45:33.200 --> 00:45:37.800 My oldest brother, who was the most significant offender 807 00:45:37.800 --> 00:45:42.480 in the sexual abuse in the home, his name is Brian. 808 00:45:43.800 --> 00:45:45.480 So guess what? 809 00:45:45.480 --> 00:45:48.920 When I'm dating people and God sends Brian my way 810 00:45:48.920 --> 00:45:49.880 and I really like him, 811 00:45:49.880 --> 00:45:52.640 I literally had a conversation with God, 812 00:45:52.640 --> 00:45:55.000 like, really Lord? 813 00:45:55.000 --> 00:45:56.560 Like, he's really amazing. 814 00:45:56.560 --> 00:45:59.920 Like, couldn't you have just given it, 815 00:45:59.920 --> 00:46:01.520 like, had a different name? 816 00:46:01.520 --> 00:46:04.720 Like, couldn't you have been, you know, somebody else? 817 00:46:05.800 --> 00:46:06.640 And you know what? 818 00:46:06.640 --> 00:46:07.680 God started ministering to me 819 00:46:07.680 --> 00:46:09.760 and he started talking to me about the reality 820 00:46:09.760 --> 00:46:14.760 that he wanted me to step further into healing 821 00:46:14.880 --> 00:46:18.760 and to trust him to redeem the name Brian for me. 822 00:46:19.640 --> 00:46:20.960 And I think that's the thing, ladies. 823 00:46:20.960 --> 00:46:23.240 Some of you, I know people have hurt you 824 00:46:23.240 --> 00:46:24.480 and you've partnered with, 825 00:46:24.480 --> 00:46:28.440 I will never date or marry somebody with this name 826 00:46:28.440 --> 00:46:32.160 or with this ethnicity or with this kind of job. 827 00:46:33.560 --> 00:46:35.120 Some of y'all grew up in ministry, 828 00:46:35.120 --> 00:46:37.400 your parents were pastors or ministry leaders 829 00:46:37.400 --> 00:46:38.840 and it didn't go so well. 830 00:46:38.840 --> 00:46:39.880 And so some of you are like, 831 00:46:39.880 --> 00:46:42.360 yeah, I'm never marrying somebody in the ministry. 832 00:46:42.360 --> 00:46:44.800 I'm never doing that. 833 00:46:44.800 --> 00:46:46.280 Yes, I see you, Jacobed. 834 00:46:47.760 --> 00:46:50.160 Some of y'all can relate to that, right? 835 00:46:50.160 --> 00:46:53.640 But I want you to continue to surrender the pen 836 00:46:54.600 --> 00:46:56.600 God knows what he's doing. 837 00:46:56.600 --> 00:46:57.760 He knows what you need. 838 00:46:57.760 --> 00:46:59.640 He knows exactly who you need 839 00:46:59.640 --> 00:47:02.120 to draw the best things out of you, 840 00:47:02.120 --> 00:47:05.480 your supernatural spiritual DNA. 841 00:47:06.440 --> 00:47:07.840 And yes, for some of you, 842 00:47:07.840 --> 00:47:10.320 does that mean he's gonna send you that person 100% 843 00:47:10.320 --> 00:47:12.840 like that happened in my life? 844 00:47:12.840 --> 00:47:14.680 I can't say that it's going to happen that way 845 00:47:14.680 --> 00:47:17.400 for all of you, but I'm saying for some of you, 846 00:47:18.480 --> 00:47:20.440 here's the reality. 847 00:47:20.440 --> 00:47:23.400 When I first came across Brian in the app, 848 00:47:23.400 --> 00:47:27.840 I passed him by, not for very long. 849 00:47:27.840 --> 00:47:31.200 He circled right back around the next day, praise the Lord. 850 00:47:31.200 --> 00:47:33.440 But y'all, I almost passed him by 851 00:47:33.440 --> 00:47:35.200 for various different reasons. 852 00:47:35.200 --> 00:47:36.520 One being his name. 853 00:47:38.560 --> 00:47:41.520 But God kept highlighting him to me. 854 00:47:41.520 --> 00:47:43.320 He had this really kind face 855 00:47:43.320 --> 00:47:45.280 and I love the way his profile, 856 00:47:45.280 --> 00:47:46.440 like the things that he said, 857 00:47:46.440 --> 00:47:48.600 I'm like, I think this guy's the real deal. 858 00:47:49.680 --> 00:47:51.080 So I sent it to my best friend, 859 00:47:51.080 --> 00:47:52.200 like, hey, what do you think? 860 00:47:52.200 --> 00:47:54.360 Should I swipe yes or right? 861 00:47:54.360 --> 00:47:56.920 I don't even remember which one I was in. 862 00:47:56.920 --> 00:47:57.960 Well, I mean, I know what app, 863 00:47:57.960 --> 00:47:59.240 but I don't remember how you had to do it. 864 00:47:59.240 --> 00:48:02.400 I think I had to click yes to accept it or something. 865 00:48:02.400 --> 00:48:04.760 And she said, yes, you should go for it. 866 00:48:04.760 --> 00:48:07.440 And part of it is that Brian wasn't someone 867 00:48:07.440 --> 00:48:09.880 I typically would have dated either. 868 00:48:09.880 --> 00:48:12.960 Like his attributes and his looks were different 869 00:48:12.960 --> 00:48:15.720 than someone I would have picked in the past. 870 00:48:15.720 --> 00:48:19.520 Y'all, I'm telling you that as I spent time with him, 871 00:48:19.520 --> 00:48:21.840 especially even that first night, 872 00:48:22.480 --> 00:48:23.320 I mean, he looked handsome. 873 00:48:23.320 --> 00:48:25.680 He was dressed up nice, but not super trendy. 874 00:48:25.680 --> 00:48:27.800 And so I'm kind of like, 875 00:48:27.800 --> 00:48:30.280 I don't know if I'm attracted. 876 00:48:30.280 --> 00:48:34.320 But you all, man, that first night we sat and talked 877 00:48:34.320 --> 00:48:38.160 and I saw his heart and I heard his love for people 878 00:48:38.160 --> 00:48:42.160 and just genuinely how generous he was. 879 00:48:42.160 --> 00:48:43.400 He was a big giver. 880 00:48:43.400 --> 00:48:44.760 He wasn't being fake. 881 00:48:44.760 --> 00:48:45.920 It was a whole thing. 882 00:48:45.920 --> 00:48:48.280 But the more time I spent with him, 883 00:48:48.280 --> 00:48:49.400 that night went really well. 884 00:48:49.400 --> 00:48:50.840 We agreed we were gonna get together again. 885 00:48:50.840 --> 00:48:53.280 The second time I still was like, I don't know. 886 00:48:53.280 --> 00:48:56.200 Like, we think we have to have it figured out 887 00:48:56.200 --> 00:48:57.040 right in the beginning. 888 00:48:57.040 --> 00:48:57.920 We don't. 889 00:48:57.920 --> 00:48:59.520 I just continue to get to know him. 890 00:48:59.520 --> 00:49:01.000 And the more time I spent with him, 891 00:49:01.000 --> 00:49:05.360 the more I was like, man, this guy's awesome. 892 00:49:05.360 --> 00:49:07.120 He's really attractive. 893 00:49:07.120 --> 00:49:08.800 I like this like about him. 894 00:49:08.800 --> 00:49:09.880 And I like that about him. 895 00:49:09.880 --> 00:49:12.560 And I would get so giddy when the dates would be coming. 896 00:49:12.560 --> 00:49:14.200 Y'all, it was real. 897 00:49:14.200 --> 00:49:15.800 And I was able to see the differences 898 00:49:15.800 --> 00:49:17.640 between him and other people 899 00:49:17.640 --> 00:49:19.960 because I was letting God show me 900 00:49:20.920 --> 00:49:22.920 the things that I had seen before 901 00:49:22.920 --> 00:49:24.360 but refused to pay attention to, 902 00:49:24.360 --> 00:49:26.120 you know, those red flags, you know, 903 00:49:26.120 --> 00:49:28.000 and I would blow past those in the past. 904 00:49:28.000 --> 00:49:29.680 Well, God was showing me those red flags 905 00:49:29.680 --> 00:49:30.760 and I was paying attention 906 00:49:30.760 --> 00:49:32.520 when they were other people that I was dating 907 00:49:32.520 --> 00:49:34.920 and it wasn't something that was healthy. 908 00:49:34.920 --> 00:49:37.480 So I'm saying all that to say, 909 00:49:37.480 --> 00:49:40.560 you can choose to surrender the pen too, if you're willing, 910 00:49:41.440 --> 00:49:42.600 but it's up to you. 911 00:49:42.600 --> 00:49:45.960 Maybe yours is, I'll never let my guard down ever again. 912 00:49:45.960 --> 00:49:47.720 Maybe you have been abused by someone. 913 00:49:47.720 --> 00:49:49.480 Maybe you went through betrayal, 914 00:49:49.480 --> 00:49:51.720 you know, really significant financial issues 915 00:49:51.720 --> 00:49:54.400 because of your former spouse or, you know, 916 00:49:54.400 --> 00:49:56.000 ex or someone that you dated. 917 00:49:56.000 --> 00:49:57.600 Whatever the dynamic is 918 00:49:57.600 --> 00:49:59.560 where you started to let your guard down, 919 00:49:59.560 --> 00:50:00.400 maybe it was. 920 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.160 even with family, and you're like, yeah, I'm trying Lord to love them, but every time I let my guard 921 00:50:06.160 --> 00:50:12.000 down, they just hurt me over and over and over again. Now, I'm not saying just let everybody 922 00:50:12.000 --> 00:50:15.760 into your life. If they're toxic and they're not healthy, you don't need to necessarily spend all 923 00:50:15.760 --> 00:50:20.000 kinds of time with them. But what I am saying is that we need to come out of alignment with 924 00:50:20.000 --> 00:50:27.760 these vows that we've been making, because the vows keep you stuck. Why? Well, because if you're 925 00:50:27.760 --> 00:50:33.680 not willing to let your guard down ever, you're not going to be able to let your guard down with 926 00:50:33.680 --> 00:50:41.520 a healthy man either. And men that are healthy are looking for healthy. All right. So do you 927 00:50:41.520 --> 00:50:47.520 ever make statements or have thoughts that include words like always or never? Maybe you say something 928 00:50:47.520 --> 00:50:53.920 like they always do that. I always get passed over. Men never come through for me. Men never 929 00:50:53.920 --> 00:50:58.160 pick heavier women or, you know, whatever your thing is. The reason I use that is because we 930 00:50:58.160 --> 00:51:02.240 actually had a woman in here. That's what she used to say all the time. Men never pick the heavy 931 00:51:02.240 --> 00:51:06.160 women. They always pick the skinny women. Guess what y'all? She said that until she was blue in 932 00:51:06.160 --> 00:51:13.360 the face and we kept coaching her. Guess what? She's married now and she's in love. So anybody 933 00:51:13.360 --> 00:51:18.640 can get married and find someone healthy. So I'm just debunking that for you right now. But 934 00:51:18.640 --> 00:51:24.000 legitimately, some of you actually think things like that about yourself. We won't go into that 935 00:51:24.000 --> 00:51:28.000 Gabriella here in the heart work, but that is in other phases of our community where you guys will 936 00:51:28.000 --> 00:51:33.200 get actual heart work or excuse me, dating coaching. But the more that you heal, the more 937 00:51:33.200 --> 00:51:37.760 that you're going to recognize a healthy man, because Jesus is going to show you what healthy 938 00:51:37.760 --> 00:51:43.920 looks like. All right. Maybe yours is I'm never seen or noticed, you know, the always and never. 939 00:51:43.920 --> 00:51:47.520 That's what I'm talking about right now. This afternoon, one that came up and I felt like it 940 00:51:47.520 --> 00:51:51.600 was so significant because it came up for two different people that I wanted to mention it 941 00:51:51.600 --> 00:52:01.760 tonight. There was a story that was being told also about how this one woman's parents would 942 00:52:01.760 --> 00:52:07.760 send her to her room without dinner, like she wasn't being fed at times, literally as a kid. 943 00:52:08.800 --> 00:52:14.400 Y'all, this is neglect. If that happened to you, I'm so sorry. That's neglect. Okay. And so we want 944 00:52:14.400 --> 00:52:21.280 to understand that the reason I'm bringing this up, sorry, is that when that was happening to her, 945 00:52:22.480 --> 00:52:28.080 she started making a statement to herself in inner vow, kind of like, 946 00:52:28.880 --> 00:52:36.320 I'm not even hungry anyways. I didn't want that food. And still today as an adult, this is 947 00:52:36.320 --> 00:52:43.280 something that she struggles with eating and cooking healthy food and things like that. And so 948 00:52:43.280 --> 00:52:49.760 maybe yours, um, another lady was sharing that she got left out by her grandmother and the 949 00:52:49.760 --> 00:52:54.480 grandmother would give the favored the boys. And so would give the boys, whatever it was that she 950 00:52:54.480 --> 00:52:59.760 was wanting, but not give it to her. And so she would tell herself, I didn't even want that anyways. 951 00:52:59.760 --> 00:53:05.520 And that might not seem like an outward overt inner vowel, but y'all, it totally is an inner vowel. 952 00:53:06.400 --> 00:53:10.240 You're basically saying, I'm not going to let anybody hurt me ever again. 953 00:53:11.200 --> 00:53:17.760 And so I'm going to actually deny how I feel because in those situations, those women that 954 00:53:17.760 --> 00:53:23.920 hurt them, but because they were protecting their hearts, they were trying to convince 955 00:53:23.920 --> 00:53:30.480 themselves that they did not care. I'm not hungry anyways. And I, I, I literally, I heard that this 956 00:53:30.480 --> 00:53:36.160 afternoon on the session. I was listening to a podcast this afternoon, and this guy talked about, 957 00:53:36.160 --> 00:53:43.840 are you suffering in silence? Are you suffering in silence? And so I want to say to you tonight, 958 00:53:43.840 --> 00:53:49.120 are some of you suffering in silence and you're partnering with this doesn't bother me, 959 00:53:50.320 --> 00:53:56.400 but it really did. It really did bother you. And it not only bothered you, but it hurts you. 960 00:53:57.600 --> 00:54:03.040 And the Lord cares about the pain that you have felt back then, as well as the pain that you feel 961 00:54:03.760 --> 00:54:09.440 now. I'm going to give you your activations for this week, and then we're going to go into 962 00:54:09.440 --> 00:54:14.640 coaching. So if anybody would like to share tonight, what you shared in your breakout, 963 00:54:14.640 --> 00:54:18.480 or it could just be anything that even got stirred up when I was talking about the vowels, 964 00:54:18.480 --> 00:54:21.920 you want to go ahead and raise your digital hand. If you're not sure how to do that, if you hover 965 00:54:21.920 --> 00:54:27.200 over the bottom of the screen, it's going to give you options for reactions. You might have 966 00:54:27.200 --> 00:54:31.760 to click on more, but there's also a raise hand option there. You can do that. The activations 967 00:54:31.760 --> 00:54:37.760 for this week are, we have two roots and fruits drawing. Okay. I will tell you, I already put the 968 00:54:37.760 --> 00:54:43.040 directions up in the group this morning. So they're already there for you, but I want to show you the 969 00:54:43.040 --> 00:54:47.920 roots and fruits, a couple examples. Yours do not have to look like this ladies, but again, I just 970 00:54:47.920 --> 00:54:52.160 want to show you. So you have something to base it off of. Sorry, I meant to scroll up. Okay. So 971 00:54:52.160 --> 00:54:57.600 here's one, this lady did, you know, she drew a tree and she's got her roots down there and the 972 00:54:57.600 --> 00:55:00.160 root systems, they have some good, some not. 973 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.000 And then she decided to just do greenery on the top of hers. 974 00:55:05.000 --> 00:55:08.000 This one, this lady drew, again, the roots, 975 00:55:08.000 --> 00:55:12.000 and then she went into what the lies that she was believing 976 00:55:12.000 --> 00:55:14.000 that were connected to those roots. 977 00:55:14.000 --> 00:55:17.000 So, again, I want y'all to pray and follow the Holy Spirit 978 00:55:17.000 --> 00:55:18.000 when you do your activation. 979 00:55:18.000 --> 00:55:20.000 What does He want you to put on yours? 980 00:55:20.000 --> 00:55:22.000 This lady is a teacher. 981 00:55:22.000 --> 00:55:24.000 I don't know if y'all can tell, but she's very organized. 982 00:55:24.000 --> 00:55:26.000 She's got her board. 983 00:55:26.000 --> 00:55:30.000 And God led her to, like, put some truth on there. 984 00:55:30.000 --> 00:55:32.000 You know, I will find my husband. 985 00:55:32.000 --> 00:55:33.000 I'll deserve God's best. 986 00:55:33.000 --> 00:55:36.000 But down in, she's got adulthood, abandonment, 987 00:55:36.000 --> 00:55:39.000 adulthood perfectionism, rejection, 988 00:55:39.000 --> 00:55:41.000 and then that goes down into her core beliefs, 989 00:55:41.000 --> 00:55:44.000 I'm not worthy, and some other things that are in there. 990 00:55:44.000 --> 00:55:47.000 So, again, you're praying and asking God to show you 991 00:55:47.000 --> 00:55:49.000 what are the lies that you're believing, 992 00:55:49.000 --> 00:55:55.000 what are the unhealthy roots that are producing unhealthy fruit. 993 00:55:55.000 --> 00:55:56.000 Here's another one. 994 00:55:56.000 --> 00:55:57.000 I love this. 995 00:55:57.000 --> 00:55:58.000 Super simple. 996 00:55:58.000 --> 00:55:59.000 Y'all can do it. 997 00:55:59.000 --> 00:56:02.000 It does not have to be super crafty and creative. 998 00:56:02.000 --> 00:56:05.000 It can be just like this, and this is perfect, okay? 999 00:56:05.000 --> 00:56:08.000 So, if you want to be more creative, that's awesome, too. 1000 00:56:08.000 --> 00:56:10.000 Hers is, like, fear of man. 1001 00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:12.000 She's got some healthy ones in there, too. 1002 00:56:12.000 --> 00:56:15.000 Unhealthy efficiency, self-protection, 1003 00:56:15.000 --> 00:56:17.000 and then it goes up. 1004 00:56:17.000 --> 00:56:20.000 If you see, if you go up that one that says unhealthy efficiency, 1005 00:56:20.000 --> 00:56:25.000 it goes straight up into the unhealthy fruit is distracted. 1006 00:56:25.000 --> 00:56:28.000 Y'all starting to understand a little bit how this goes? 1007 00:56:28.000 --> 00:56:29.000 Here's some. 1008 00:56:29.000 --> 00:56:31.000 I'm going to show you two that were done on computers. 1009 00:56:31.000 --> 00:56:34.000 Totally cool if you want to do it like this, too. 1010 00:56:34.000 --> 00:56:36.000 Unhealthy boundaries. 1011 00:56:36.000 --> 00:56:37.000 So, do you struggle with boundaries? 1012 00:56:37.000 --> 00:56:41.000 If so, y'all, that's unhealthy root system down in there. 1013 00:56:41.000 --> 00:56:44.000 If you have insecurity, you know, fear, anger, 1014 00:56:44.000 --> 00:56:46.000 you know, those are all unhealthy roots. 1015 00:56:47.000 --> 00:56:49.000 So, I'm going to show you two that were done on computers. 1016 00:56:49.000 --> 00:56:54.000 Again, here's another one done on a computer. 1017 00:56:54.000 --> 00:56:56.000 And then I wanted to show you this one. 1018 00:56:56.000 --> 00:56:58.000 This one is someone that is an artist, 1019 00:56:58.000 --> 00:57:00.000 and so I don't want you to get intimidated, 1020 00:57:00.000 --> 00:57:03.000 but I just thought this one was really cool in the depiction of, 1021 00:57:03.000 --> 00:57:06.000 on the left side is all the unhealthy roots and fruit. 1022 00:57:06.000 --> 00:57:10.000 In the middle is the healthy roots leading to the healthy fruit. 1023 00:57:10.000 --> 00:57:13.000 And then she drew the Holy Spirit in there being that helper in her 1024 00:57:13.000 --> 00:57:15.000 process, okay? 1025 00:57:15.000 --> 00:57:16.000 So, I'm going to show you the two. 1026 00:57:16.000 --> 00:57:19.000 I'm going to show you two different ways that you can do it, 1027 00:57:19.000 --> 00:57:20.000 but those are some examples. 1028 00:57:20.000 --> 00:57:22.000 So, the roots and fruits is one of your activations. 1029 00:57:22.000 --> 00:57:26.000 The second one is, we're going to, I'm calling it caught a thought. 1030 00:57:26.000 --> 00:57:28.000 I want you to track your thoughts this week. 1031 00:57:28.000 --> 00:57:31.000 I want you to really pay attention to how many of the thoughts that you 1032 00:57:31.000 --> 00:57:32.000 have are negative. 1033 00:57:32.000 --> 00:57:35.000 And then what thoughts have you caught? 1034 00:57:36.000 --> 00:57:39.000 There's a scripture that's posted in the group that goes with that. 1035 00:57:39.000 --> 00:57:41.000 Second Corinthians 10 five, 1036 00:57:41.000 --> 00:57:44.000 that talks about demolishing every stronghold and taking every thought 1037 00:57:44.000 --> 00:57:47.000 captive and making an obedient to Jesus Christ. 1038 00:57:47.000 --> 00:57:49.000 And that we would catch those quickly ladies. 1039 00:57:49.000 --> 00:57:51.000 And I'm paraphrasing that that's not in the scripture, 1040 00:57:51.000 --> 00:57:55.000 but that's something I pray because I believe God wants us to catch those 1041 00:57:55.000 --> 00:58:00.000 things very quickly before we think on them long-term. Okay. All right. 1042 00:58:00.000 --> 00:58:03.000 I'm going to go ahead and go into the group coaching. 1043 00:58:03.000 --> 00:58:04.000 Okay. 1044 00:58:04.000 --> 00:58:06.000 I'm going to go ahead and go into the group coaching now. 1045 00:58:06.000 --> 00:58:08.000 If you have any questions about the activations, 1046 00:58:08.000 --> 00:58:14.000 you can post those. 1047 00:58:14.000 --> 00:58:16.000 In the comments of that post that's up in the group. 1048 00:58:16.000 --> 00:58:19.000 And I can answer those there for you on the activations. All right, 1049 00:58:19.000 --> 00:58:20.000 Sam W go ahead. 1050 00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:21.000 Hi, can you hear me? 1051 00:58:21.000 --> 00:58:25.000 I can hello. 1052 00:58:25.000 --> 00:58:30.000 Hi. So we actually started this conversation. 1053 00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:32.000 In the ask a coach group and we never really finished it. 1054 00:58:32.000 --> 00:58:34.000 And I just realized that I'm always in never statements. 1055 00:58:34.000 --> 00:58:36.000 And so I'm always in never statements. 1056 00:58:36.000 --> 00:58:41.000 The always in never statements definitely struck me. 1057 00:58:41.000 --> 00:58:45.000 And the one I wrote down was I'm always friends owned. 1058 00:58:45.000 --> 00:58:47.000 By guys. And you had mentioned in chat. 1059 00:58:47.000 --> 00:58:50.000 I'm going to ask a coach. 1060 00:58:50.000 --> 00:58:52.000 When I felt like the first time I was friend-zoned and I wasn't a 1061 00:58:52.000 --> 00:58:53.000 hundred percent sure on that. 1062 00:58:53.000 --> 00:58:56.000 I was like, are you kind of person that has, can do it yourself? 1063 00:58:56.000 --> 00:58:57.000 Like you always want to do. 1064 00:58:57.000 --> 00:59:01.000 I can use myself. 1065 00:59:01.000 --> 00:59:07.000 And I was like, yes, definitely. 1066 00:59:07.000 --> 00:59:09.000 I'm one of those people that wants to do it on my own. And, 1067 00:59:09.000 --> 00:59:11.000 and actually the Holy spirit brought to mind. 1068 00:59:11.000 --> 00:59:15.000 When my parents got divorced and I saw how my mom sort of fell apart. 1069 00:59:15.000 --> 00:59:18.000 Like she had five kids. She wasn't working at the time. 1070 00:59:18.000 --> 00:59:20.000 She had had a career, but she gave it up to raise the kids. 1071 00:59:20.000 --> 00:59:22.000 And so I was like, okay, well, 1072 00:59:22.000 --> 00:59:24.000 I guess I'm going to do it on my own. 1073 00:59:24.000 --> 00:59:26.000 And so we moved cities. Like there was a whole, 1074 00:59:26.000 --> 00:59:28.000 it was a whole bunch of stuff that happened. 1075 00:59:28.000 --> 00:59:29.000 And I just saw her falling apart. 1076 00:59:29.000 --> 00:59:31.000 It's like a nine-year-old I could see. 1077 00:59:31.000 --> 00:59:37.000 She was not keeping it together. 1078 00:59:37.000 --> 00:59:39.000 And I think even then, 1079 00:59:39.000 --> 00:59:41.000 like I just had to know that I could do it on my own. 1080 00:59:41.000 --> 00:59:44.000 So I didn't turn out destroyed by betrayal, like my mom. 1081 00:59:44.000 --> 00:59:46.000 And, and that was sort of the vow that I had made. I mean, 1082 00:59:46.000 --> 00:59:49.000 it wasn't always or never, but it was like. 1083 00:59:49.000 --> 00:59:56.000 I mean, I'm 43 now. 1084 00:59:56.000 --> 00:59:59.000 I had to know I could do it on my own because I didn't want to. 1085 00:59:59.000 --> 01:00:01.000 Like marry somebody right out of college and. 1086 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.240 and then leave me and fall apart. 1087 01:00:02.240 --> 01:00:05.960 And it turned out like around the age of 27, 1088 01:00:05.960 --> 01:00:09.320 like I was really focused on my career. 1089 01:00:09.320 --> 01:00:11.680 I was out in Los Angeles working in film and television, 1090 01:00:11.680 --> 01:00:14.400 working crazy hours, no support system. 1091 01:00:14.400 --> 01:00:16.000 And I had a huge nervous breakdown 1092 01:00:16.000 --> 01:00:18.760 and I couldn't do it on my own, like even then. 1093 01:00:18.760 --> 01:00:20.520 But I still had that mentality of like, 1094 01:00:20.520 --> 01:00:24.520 I have to do it on my own all the way up until, 1095 01:00:24.520 --> 01:00:26.240 yeah, probably my third decade. 1096 01:00:26.240 --> 01:00:28.480 So that's where I'm at with that. 1097 01:00:28.480 --> 01:00:31.480 I haven't, I've definitely broken that vow. 1098 01:00:32.400 --> 01:00:34.880 And so Lord, I renounced this vow 1099 01:00:34.880 --> 01:00:38.560 that I have to do it on my own, you know. 1100 01:00:38.560 --> 01:00:41.440 But I think that was definitely part of the root 1101 01:00:41.440 --> 01:00:43.040 of the being friend zoned. 1102 01:00:43.960 --> 01:00:47.560 Yeah, well, and even in addition to renouncing it, 1103 01:00:47.560 --> 01:00:50.200 I wanna encourage you to come out of agreement with it. 1104 01:00:50.200 --> 01:00:51.040 Yeah. 1105 01:00:51.040 --> 01:00:52.840 Because if it's still showing up, 1106 01:00:52.840 --> 01:00:55.640 it's still in there in your subconscious somewhere 1107 01:00:55.640 --> 01:00:58.440 that you can't rely on people. 1108 01:00:58.440 --> 01:00:59.280 Yeah. 1109 01:00:59.280 --> 01:01:00.960 And so you may even wanna ask the Lord, 1110 01:01:00.960 --> 01:01:03.960 was your parents divorced the first time you partnered 1111 01:01:03.960 --> 01:01:06.640 with the lie that you had to take care of yourself? 1112 01:01:08.640 --> 01:01:09.800 And just see what he shows you. 1113 01:01:09.800 --> 01:01:11.280 And that might be the first time, 1114 01:01:11.280 --> 01:01:13.000 but it kind of makes me wonder 1115 01:01:13.000 --> 01:01:16.160 if there's maybe something else still underlying that, 1116 01:01:16.160 --> 01:01:20.120 that might've happened before they actually got divorced. 1117 01:01:20.120 --> 01:01:23.600 You know, and not trying to say something, 1118 01:01:23.600 --> 01:01:24.440 you know, that I don't know, 1119 01:01:24.440 --> 01:01:27.760 but typically, you know, before parents get divorced, 1120 01:01:27.760 --> 01:01:30.400 there's quite a bit of time where there's fighting 1121 01:01:30.400 --> 01:01:31.960 and things happening, right? 1122 01:01:31.960 --> 01:01:35.160 And so, yeah, just be asking the Lord about that. 1123 01:01:35.160 --> 01:01:39.200 And then also the other thing that I wanted to mention, 1124 01:01:39.200 --> 01:01:40.600 as you were saying, do it myself. 1125 01:01:40.600 --> 01:01:42.440 Oh, yes. 1126 01:01:42.440 --> 01:01:45.320 So this week, your assignment is this. 1127 01:01:45.320 --> 01:01:50.040 I want you to pray and ask God to show you something 1128 01:01:50.040 --> 01:01:52.600 that you need to ask somebody to help you with, 1129 01:01:53.600 --> 01:01:56.120 and that he would show you who to reach out to, 1130 01:01:56.120 --> 01:01:58.200 and that you would reach out and ask them for help. 1131 01:01:58.200 --> 01:01:59.080 And if, you know, 1132 01:01:59.080 --> 01:02:02.200 if it doesn't come to you right away this week, 1133 01:02:02.200 --> 01:02:03.120 so sorry, you all, 1134 01:02:04.560 --> 01:02:07.200 even if it comes later into next week or whatever, 1135 01:02:07.200 --> 01:02:09.480 just follow that, follow where the Lord is leading, 1136 01:02:09.480 --> 01:02:11.200 but don't put it off, okay? 1137 01:02:11.200 --> 01:02:12.480 So just start praying about that. 1138 01:02:12.480 --> 01:02:17.240 But I feel like you need to practice letting people help you 1139 01:02:17.240 --> 01:02:18.880 and when you're doing that, 1140 01:02:18.880 --> 01:02:21.760 that you would not partner with any lies, 1141 01:02:22.440 --> 01:02:23.760 you know, sometimes people will be like, 1142 01:02:23.760 --> 01:02:25.400 well, I ask people to help me all the time, 1143 01:02:25.400 --> 01:02:27.040 but they don't show up for me. 1144 01:02:27.040 --> 01:02:28.040 And I just wanna make sure 1145 01:02:28.040 --> 01:02:30.760 that you would resist any lies like that. 1146 01:02:32.200 --> 01:02:34.760 Even if the person that you ask 1147 01:02:34.760 --> 01:02:39.080 says they're not able to help you right now, trust that. 1148 01:02:39.080 --> 01:02:39.920 Because again, 1149 01:02:39.920 --> 01:02:42.200 this is all about revealing for healing as well. 1150 01:02:42.200 --> 01:02:44.320 So let's see what comes up when you do this 1151 01:02:44.320 --> 01:02:47.520 and you step out to let people help you, 1152 01:02:47.520 --> 01:02:48.840 because this is gonna prepare you 1153 01:02:48.840 --> 01:02:50.560 for the day when you meet your spirit mate, 1154 01:02:50.560 --> 01:02:52.640 and he's gonna wanna help you. 1155 01:02:52.640 --> 01:02:55.720 And if we can't receive from people now, 1156 01:02:55.720 --> 01:02:57.880 it's gonna be really tough to receive 1157 01:02:57.880 --> 01:02:59.680 from the spirit mate later. 1158 01:02:59.680 --> 01:03:04.240 So I think those are two good continuing stepping forward 1159 01:03:04.240 --> 01:03:05.120 in those areas. 1160 01:03:05.120 --> 01:03:08.280 And I look forward to hearing how it goes for you. 1161 01:03:08.280 --> 01:03:09.120 Thank you. 1162 01:03:09.120 --> 01:03:10.920 You're welcome. 1163 01:03:10.920 --> 01:03:12.200 Karen Roa, go ahead. 1164 01:03:14.240 --> 01:03:15.400 Hey. 1165 01:03:15.400 --> 01:03:16.320 Hi. 1166 01:03:16.320 --> 01:03:19.200 I had some interesting revelations yesterday 1167 01:03:19.200 --> 01:03:20.760 that I was able to get to a certain point, 1168 01:03:20.760 --> 01:03:22.840 but not beyond yet. 1169 01:03:22.840 --> 01:03:26.280 I felt resistance to go to the next steps at church. 1170 01:03:26.280 --> 01:03:28.880 And I asked myself why, what's going on with that? 1171 01:03:30.440 --> 01:03:33.680 Realizing that I was weary of introducing myself 1172 01:03:33.680 --> 01:03:36.040 and saying, oh no, it's just me. 1173 01:03:36.040 --> 01:03:37.720 When asked, oh, do you have a husband? 1174 01:03:37.720 --> 01:03:39.000 Oh, do you have kids? 1175 01:03:39.000 --> 01:03:43.040 And I accepted a new job in the last month. 1176 01:03:43.040 --> 01:03:44.560 So there's been a lot of introductions 1177 01:03:44.560 --> 01:03:46.160 and a lot of explaining my life. 1178 01:03:47.040 --> 01:03:48.400 So I was just weary of like, 1179 01:03:48.400 --> 01:03:51.120 is there a healthier way to say this with hope 1180 01:03:51.120 --> 01:03:54.240 and not being like, oh yeah, no, just me, I live alone. 1181 01:03:56.240 --> 01:03:57.960 I'm tired of that story, 1182 01:03:57.960 --> 01:04:00.440 but I was like, what's underneath that? 1183 01:04:02.160 --> 01:04:04.640 And while leadership of the church 1184 01:04:04.640 --> 01:04:06.720 were like rifling through the class to say, 1185 01:04:06.720 --> 01:04:08.320 oh, I'm in charge of this, I'm in charge of that, 1186 01:04:08.320 --> 01:04:09.560 we need a volunteer here. 1187 01:04:10.720 --> 01:04:13.560 The middle school pastor was saying 1188 01:04:13.560 --> 01:04:15.400 that they are looking for leaders. 1189 01:04:16.440 --> 01:04:18.960 And I was like, ooh, that's something I could do. 1190 01:04:18.960 --> 01:04:21.560 But in the immediate afterthought was, 1191 01:04:21.560 --> 01:04:24.200 oh, but would they accept me because I'm not married? 1192 01:04:25.440 --> 01:04:27.600 And later, as I was weeding my garden, 1193 01:04:27.600 --> 01:04:28.880 I was like, what is that about? 1194 01:04:28.880 --> 01:04:31.640 Like, why do I doubt that I could be a leader 1195 01:04:31.640 --> 01:04:32.920 from middle school? 1196 01:04:34.560 --> 01:04:37.800 And the underlying lie is that I'm not useful 1197 01:04:37.800 --> 01:04:39.440 in the church unless I'm married. 1198 01:04:40.440 --> 01:04:41.480 That's huge, Karen. 1199 01:04:41.480 --> 01:04:43.640 So do you know when that took root? 1200 01:04:48.440 --> 01:04:50.680 I think it's the high school that I went to, 1201 01:04:50.680 --> 01:04:52.680 the junior high and high school I went to. 1202 01:04:54.760 --> 01:04:55.800 I was very, 1203 01:04:58.280 --> 01:04:59.120 I was very, 1204 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.840 legalistic, and a woman's place was to be married and have kids. And that's what success as a 1205 01:05:01.600 --> 01:05:02.440 I was very, 1206 01:05:04.920 --> 01:05:05.760 I was very, 1207 01:05:07.840 --> 01:05:16.000 Christian woman was represented as. And that was the high school that you went to? That's what 1208 01:05:16.000 --> 01:05:21.840 you said? Right. I was there from sixth grade to twelfth grade. Was it a Christian school? 1209 01:05:23.840 --> 01:05:28.240 It was a Baptist Christian school. My home life was not that strict. 1210 01:05:30.160 --> 01:05:34.000 But the school was. So I learned to kind of be two people during that time. 1211 01:05:35.120 --> 01:05:40.160 Yeah. So have you ever done forgiveness prayer sheets regarding those administrators in the 1212 01:05:40.160 --> 01:05:46.800 school and the religious beliefs and legalism that they were raising you up in at the school? 1213 01:05:46.800 --> 01:05:49.680 I haven't. I would do that. I think because 1214 01:05:49.680 --> 01:05:56.000 what's happening is basically you're believing a lie that you're counted out before you even get 1215 01:05:56.000 --> 01:06:03.920 started. But it sounds like God is starting to reveal some things to you from that timeframe 1216 01:06:04.640 --> 01:06:10.000 that got embedded in your subconscious because of things that you were hearing and things that 1217 01:06:10.000 --> 01:06:14.080 you were going through. And there might be additional layers for healing there. 1218 01:06:15.760 --> 01:06:23.280 If you got in trouble or just anything. No, I was the quiet, good student. I learned to hide. 1219 01:06:24.000 --> 01:06:29.280 Okay. Well, that's the flip side though. You see like sometimes, and not even that you would be a 1220 01:06:29.280 --> 01:06:34.880 bad kid, but some kids get in trouble in those schools just because they like barely do anything, 1221 01:06:34.880 --> 01:06:40.720 but they talk. Yeah. Right. And so the other side is what you just said, people that go into hiding 1222 01:06:40.720 --> 01:06:45.600 and then they live in hiding and they don't know how to come back out of that. And so, yeah, 1223 01:06:45.600 --> 01:06:51.360 I definitely think you forgiving anybody, whoever comes to mind, if there's any administrators that 1224 01:06:51.360 --> 01:06:57.360 you remember by name, but just in general, praying to forgive those leaders, that school, 1225 01:06:57.360 --> 01:07:03.280 and even maybe your parents for, for sending you there. And let's just see where that, 1226 01:07:03.280 --> 01:07:11.600 that thread starts to lead you. Okay. But also when you said, Oh no, it's just me. It's interesting 1227 01:07:11.600 --> 01:07:16.800 before you even kind of said, is there a better way, healthier way to say this in my spirit? 1228 01:07:16.800 --> 01:07:21.840 I was thinking, yeah, I don't, I don't want you to say that anymore. I just don't want to say it. 1229 01:07:21.840 --> 01:07:27.120 It's so unhelpful. I think it's okay for you to say like, Oh no, marriage hasn't been part of my 1230 01:07:27.120 --> 01:07:32.800 story yet. Yeah. It's you can partner. That sounds like a very healthy way to say it. You can just 1231 01:07:32.800 --> 01:07:40.560 say, you know, Hey, no, I'm, I'm here and I'm super excited to get involved. Like you don't 1232 01:07:40.560 --> 01:07:47.920 even have to like fully explain to them. Um, and most times people will, um, I mean, you're 1233 01:07:47.920 --> 01:07:52.560 going to have to fill out the volunteer forum at most churches anyways, ask you about those 1234 01:07:52.560 --> 01:07:59.600 things. So I feel like sometimes because we, um, I'm going to use the word embarrassed. 1235 01:08:00.320 --> 01:08:07.760 We get embarrassed sometimes by our status. And so like, even I went to this appointment today and 1236 01:08:08.480 --> 01:08:15.440 Um, the doctor was asking like, if I had biological children yet, or the helper helper girl there. 1237 01:08:16.399 --> 01:08:20.560 And I had just told her, we started working with this other doctor. And so it was kind of apparent 1238 01:08:20.560 --> 01:08:26.000 that, you know, we're going to this specialist, but it didn't mean I hadn't had kids yet, but she 1239 01:08:26.000 --> 01:08:31.359 felt so bad that she asked me if I had bio kids, I was like, I'm not, you would have no way of 1240 01:08:31.359 --> 01:08:38.479 knowing if I had, but like, I think inside of us, we internally struggle with things. 1241 01:08:39.040 --> 01:08:45.840 And so when we're asked something, we feel pressure and pain. So if we resolve it within 1242 01:08:45.840 --> 01:08:51.040 ourselves, before we even get around people or their situations or those questions where we're 1243 01:08:51.040 --> 01:08:55.359 just like, you know what, I'm good. Like it doesn't mean we don't want a spirit mate, but that we're 1244 01:08:55.359 --> 01:09:02.479 whole and that we're happy and content. Like where we're at, but also as we go, that makes sense. 1245 01:09:03.200 --> 01:09:09.760 It does. Yeah. And where you really start to partner with, you're not less than yeah, because 1246 01:09:09.760 --> 01:09:15.120 you're not married yet. Okay. I believe God is going to bless you with the spirit mate and lead 1247 01:09:15.120 --> 01:09:21.040 you on the way to that, but you're not less than because you're not married yet. Thank you. You're 1248 01:09:21.040 --> 01:09:26.560 welcome. You're welcome. So let's, let's do a couple of those things and see how it goes. 1249 01:09:26.560 --> 01:09:32.000 Um, and as you're processing that forgiveness, if anything else comes up, um, you know, if it comes 1250 01:09:32.000 --> 01:09:36.640 up before we do live next week, I would love for you to come in the group and let let's chat that. 1251 01:09:36.640 --> 01:09:43.040 Cause I have a feeling it's going to be a little bigger. Oh yeah. There's a lot of layers there. 1252 01:09:43.120 --> 01:09:50.080 Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing. Thanks. You're welcome. Nadine, go ahead. 1253 01:09:52.160 --> 01:09:56.400 Hey Bethany. Also I'm sitting outside. Can you hear me? Yep. I can hear you. 1254 01:09:56.400 --> 01:09:59.840 Okay. Awesome. Um, I'm actually going to share something that I didn't share on the 1255 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.400 prove. But what's coming to mind as everyone's talking about is I 1256 01:10:03.400 --> 01:10:08.880 think my fruit is that I don't initiate. But I feel like it's 1257 01:10:08.880 --> 01:10:12.760 rooted in fear. But I, I don't really don't know what's like 1258 01:10:12.760 --> 01:10:16.600 the first time that I've experienced this. But like quick 1259 01:10:16.600 --> 01:10:20.480 story, with my son situation, you know, me and his dad 1260 01:10:20.480 --> 01:10:22.800 separated, we were never married, but we separated in 1261 01:10:22.800 --> 01:10:27.760 2017. And it's been turmoil ever since. But when I started 1262 01:10:27.760 --> 01:10:31.600 serving the Lord back in 2020, that was when I really tried to, 1263 01:10:31.640 --> 01:10:34.200 you know, change everything and be the good person and all the 1264 01:10:34.200 --> 01:10:36.560 things despite all the bullying and all the other things that 1265 01:10:36.560 --> 01:10:41.840 have happened with them. And even still, since then, there's 1266 01:10:41.840 --> 01:10:44.560 been like two times where things have been thrown in my face. And 1267 01:10:44.560 --> 01:10:47.000 there's been like legal percussions with me just trying 1268 01:10:47.000 --> 01:10:51.760 to trust them again. And so I know that like, I just, unless 1269 01:10:51.760 --> 01:10:57.120 things on paper, like we can't really go deviate from that. And 1270 01:10:57.120 --> 01:11:02.200 so like the Lord is showing me about a year or so ago, one of 1271 01:11:02.200 --> 01:11:04.880 the situations was he was allowing me to move out of 1272 01:11:04.880 --> 01:11:08.800 state with my parents for a few months to save up to be able to, 1273 01:11:10.400 --> 01:11:13.600 you know, be able to buy a house because it's been like I have 1274 01:11:13.640 --> 01:11:18.000 had to rent since then I don't have any family around me. And I 1275 01:11:18.000 --> 01:11:21.720 ended up in a situation where I was forced back to Tennessee 1276 01:11:21.720 --> 01:11:24.320 because it did not look favorable because I didn't 1277 01:11:24.320 --> 01:11:27.360 realize I was supposed to get court ordered approval to move 1278 01:11:27.360 --> 01:11:30.960 out. And so it forced my son into the school he was in, it 1279 01:11:30.960 --> 01:11:34.120 forced me to have to live between four or five different 1280 01:11:34.120 --> 01:11:37.720 houses in the span of like two months. And it was like, I was 1281 01:11:37.720 --> 01:11:41.360 so exhausted that I just signed the first lease that I could 1282 01:11:41.360 --> 01:11:45.440 find, which is the house I'm in now. And God gave me the screen 1283 01:11:45.440 --> 01:11:48.560 that showed me three different houses. And then there was one 1284 01:11:48.560 --> 01:11:50.920 house that was turned in a different direction. And there 1285 01:11:50.920 --> 01:11:55.360 was an aerial view. And I saw inside he was in the kitchen, 1286 01:11:55.360 --> 01:11:58.720 which I understand that's part where like, there was this man 1287 01:11:58.760 --> 01:12:02.000 and there's a pastor, which I don't really know what that 1288 01:12:02.000 --> 01:12:04.840 represents, which I feel like it's just the Holy Spirit, but 1289 01:12:04.840 --> 01:12:11.000 he was like quickly building shelves in this house. And at 1290 01:12:11.000 --> 01:12:13.760 the end of the dream, I just heard prepare the contract for 1291 01:12:13.760 --> 01:12:16.560 North Carolina. And so that was coming to mind when everyone 1292 01:12:16.560 --> 01:12:18.960 was sharing their stories. And so I felt like to share that 1293 01:12:18.960 --> 01:12:22.680 because I feel like the Lord is going to ask me to initiate 1294 01:12:22.680 --> 01:12:25.120 something and I don't know whether it's a move, whether 1295 01:12:25.120 --> 01:12:29.440 it's a new job opportunity in North Carolina, I sense it's a 1296 01:12:29.440 --> 01:12:33.800 move, because I've been praying for a way out with my son. But 1297 01:12:33.800 --> 01:12:36.000 there's a lot of fear that comes with that, because I don't 1298 01:12:36.000 --> 01:12:40.800 initiate things that starts that starts a tornado, if you will, 1299 01:12:40.840 --> 01:12:44.360 you know, like, I don't initiate things like that. I, I think I 1300 01:12:44.360 --> 01:12:49.920 confused trying to keep peace with like, he's for everybody 1301 01:12:49.920 --> 01:12:53.440 else, but not for me, you know, and so yeah, that's what I just 1302 01:12:53.440 --> 01:12:54.120 wanted to share. 1303 01:12:56.320 --> 01:12:58.960 So remind me, I feel like I asked you this, but I can't 1304 01:12:58.960 --> 01:13:02.840 remember what you said is your son's dad in his life? Like, 1305 01:13:02.840 --> 01:13:04.280 does he spend time with him? 1306 01:13:04.840 --> 01:13:08.480 He's with him 50% of the time, but my son, it's like every time 1307 01:13:08.480 --> 01:13:11.960 he comes back from his house, he's in tears because he's been 1308 01:13:11.960 --> 01:13:18.400 mistreated emotionally. His dad has two older step sons that 1309 01:13:18.400 --> 01:13:21.560 are not biological to my son. And then one, we did talk about 1310 01:13:21.560 --> 01:13:24.800 this. Okay. And then one half sister. So my son's like in the 1311 01:13:24.800 --> 01:13:27.800 middle. And my son has gone through just so much already 1312 01:13:27.840 --> 01:13:32.080 where he was just thrown into that situation months after we 1313 01:13:32.080 --> 01:13:36.040 broke up. So at a very young age, so there's just a lot of 1314 01:13:36.360 --> 01:13:41.240 hurt and feeling. And so, you know, he, he's not very, he 1315 01:13:41.240 --> 01:13:43.240 doesn't speak well of his father when he's at my house. 1316 01:13:43.240 --> 01:13:48.320 We'll say that, but he loves his father and he desires that 1317 01:13:48.320 --> 01:13:50.360 intimate time, but he just doesn't get it. 1318 01:13:51.920 --> 01:13:58.720 Okay. So, um, on the dream, the pastor represents God just FYI. 1319 01:13:58.760 --> 01:14:03.480 So God is the pastor in that, in that dream. And the building of 1320 01:14:03.480 --> 01:14:08.560 shelves is, is, is the preparing and fixing and rebuilding and 1321 01:14:08.560 --> 01:14:11.200 understanding that ladies, when we have dreams, this actually 1322 01:14:11.200 --> 01:14:15.320 came up this afternoon to that God is, is speaking all the 1323 01:14:15.320 --> 01:14:19.440 time, but it tends to be symbolic. Okay. So we, we have 1324 01:14:19.440 --> 01:14:24.400 to really work on understanding the symbolic representation of 1325 01:14:24.400 --> 01:14:28.760 something God is saying to us through a dream. Um, and he may 1326 01:14:28.760 --> 01:14:31.560 prepare you to do that, you know, at some point regarding 1327 01:14:31.560 --> 01:14:35.680 North Carolina, but God's timing and our timing, God's soon and 1328 01:14:35.680 --> 01:14:40.160 are sooner different. Okay. So the one thing I will say, and I 1329 01:14:40.160 --> 01:14:42.680 never give legal advice or anything like that, and I'm not 1330 01:14:42.680 --> 01:14:46.600 going to now, but I do want to encourage you, um, to definitely 1331 01:14:46.600 --> 01:14:51.520 be talking to anyone legally before you would even consider 1332 01:14:51.520 --> 01:14:57.640 doing that because your son has a dad in his life. Even if he's 1333 01:14:57.640 --> 01:14:59.920 not a good dad, his dad isn't. 1334 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.280 life. Okay. And so just want to encourage you to kind of check out all the things that you would 1335 01:15:05.280 --> 01:15:12.560 need to have in place to, uh, even consider that, not just do it, but to even consider it and really 1336 01:15:12.560 --> 01:15:18.880 be in prayer about it too. I know it can be really tough ladies when our kids are, you know, even my 1337 01:15:18.880 --> 01:15:23.600 spiritual daughters, when I would have to send them to their moms or back to their dad, like 1338 01:15:24.160 --> 01:15:28.320 it was hard because I know they would go through a lot of stuff there that wasn't healthy and even 1339 01:15:28.320 --> 01:15:34.480 still as adults, like their parents are just not healthy. That's really hard, but we also have to 1340 01:15:34.480 --> 01:15:38.960 trust the Lord in what he's showing us. The one other thing I wanted to mention, you started out 1341 01:15:38.960 --> 01:15:47.600 by saying your fruit is that you don't initiate. So is the situation with your son and his dad and 1342 01:15:47.600 --> 01:15:53.360 their family when you first didn't start initiating or were there times in your life where you 1343 01:15:53.360 --> 01:16:00.000 struggled to initiate in the past? Um, yeah, there are some situations with his dad where I've not 1344 01:16:00.000 --> 01:16:05.840 initiated. Like for instance, he kept asking me at the very beginning of us being in Tennessee 1345 01:16:06.560 --> 01:16:11.920 to sign a certain contract that was favorable to exactly what they wanted. I kept putting it 1346 01:16:11.920 --> 01:16:17.680 off so much that they served me papers. And then, yeah, I mean, sorry. I mean, before all that, 1347 01:16:17.680 --> 01:16:24.880 like back when you were younger, did you struggle to initiate or to engage fully in a situation or 1348 01:16:24.880 --> 01:16:32.080 a dynamic or did that just start showing up when you were with him? I really don't know. 1349 01:16:32.080 --> 01:16:38.080 Um, I really don't know. I have a hard time, uh, remembering how I was as a kid. I often ask my 1350 01:16:38.080 --> 01:16:44.960 parents for explanations. I really don't know. Um, I feel like initiating things, maybe I didn't have 1351 01:16:44.960 --> 01:16:52.400 an issue, but just continuing on with things, I did have issues there. Okay. So I want you to ask 1352 01:16:52.400 --> 01:16:58.720 the Lord to reveal to you if there was a time in the past where you struggled to initiate. And I 1353 01:16:58.720 --> 01:17:04.000 keep hearing the word like not engaged. Okay. So maybe even what you were saying there, you would 1354 01:17:04.000 --> 01:17:09.600 start things, but not finish. So maybe there was a level of disengaging. Okay. And so let's just 1355 01:17:09.600 --> 01:17:14.560 see what the Lord reveals. Cause I think there's something to that. And then also you said when in 1356 01:17:14.560 --> 01:17:22.000 2020, you know, you started to change every everything and be the good person. Okay. Um, 1357 01:17:22.000 --> 01:17:27.120 I think there's something to that because a couple of times when you've mentioned that during sharing 1358 01:17:27.120 --> 01:17:33.680 or even in your, um, post in the group, God just keeps highlighting that to me. I it's amazing for 1359 01:17:33.680 --> 01:17:39.200 us to do our best to live a healthy life where we're full of Christ and we're being a good 1360 01:17:39.200 --> 01:17:44.400 reflection to the people around us. But it almost has felt like the enemy's convinced you that it's 1361 01:17:44.400 --> 01:17:50.640 your job to change them. Okay. And I just want to make sure that that's not in there underlying 1362 01:17:50.640 --> 01:17:58.880 that, you know, um, you feel responsible for them getting saved and in that kind of stuff. So just 1363 01:17:58.880 --> 01:18:05.120 pray into that. Um, I'm just sensing a little bit of like maybe, um, some legalistic teaching 1364 01:18:05.120 --> 01:18:09.520 you might've been under potentially in a church or some kind of atmosphere where. 1365 01:18:09.760 --> 01:18:13.360 You're trying to be really good. Does that make sense? What I'm saying? 1366 01:18:13.920 --> 01:18:18.800 It does. I grew up in a Southern Baptist church in Germany and like, they weren't even okay with 1367 01:18:18.800 --> 01:18:23.760 my parents being a biracial couple. So there was a lot of like, and it was just wrath preaching. 1368 01:18:23.760 --> 01:18:29.040 So there was a lot of things I had to come out of agreement with. And then I just didn't go to 1369 01:18:29.040 --> 01:18:33.520 church until I was older again. And even doing that, you know, with YouTube, there's just so 1370 01:18:33.760 --> 01:18:39.600 many different types of backgrounds and messages that you could get. And I was definitely, 1371 01:18:39.600 --> 01:18:45.520 Ooh, yeah. I hit some hard rock bottom, you know, starting my journey. And so now it's, 1372 01:18:45.520 --> 01:18:47.600 I don't know, just trying to learn the love of God right now. 1373 01:18:48.400 --> 01:18:52.080 You're doing great. And Hey, ladies, just so you know, when I, when I mentioned these kind of 1374 01:18:52.080 --> 01:18:56.880 things, um, and even when you just said that, like, you're doing the best that you could do, 1375 01:18:56.880 --> 01:19:02.560 Nadine, and it's not your fault. You didn't mess up, but you're doing the best that you could do. 1376 01:19:02.560 --> 01:19:08.000 Mess up. The reality is, is that the Lord just wants to help you cleanse and come out of that a 1377 01:19:08.000 --> 01:19:13.760 little bit more. And so it's just an invitation to really continue to step into the healing that 1378 01:19:13.760 --> 01:19:18.800 he already had, like that path that he already has you on. Um, and when you said that about 1379 01:19:18.800 --> 01:19:24.960 what your parents went through, I think that there is something to that. Okay. So seeing your parents 1380 01:19:24.960 --> 01:19:30.400 go through that, knowing about it, or even if you were young, but like, there could have been 1381 01:19:30.400 --> 01:19:35.440 things they were talking about, but you might've been little, um, that just asking the Lord about 1382 01:19:35.440 --> 01:19:42.400 that a little bit to see if there's revealing for healing, um, where you really just feel accepted. 1383 01:19:44.080 --> 01:19:49.920 Completely. Does that make sense? Why I'm saying that? Like, there's nothing about you that 1384 01:19:49.920 --> 01:19:56.000 wouldn't be accepted. Jesus loves us ladies, even when we make our biggest mistakes. Okay. 1385 01:19:56.880 --> 01:19:59.600 All right. So there's a couple of things for you to work on this week. 1386 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.060 forward to hearing what God is going to reveal to you through these. 1387 01:20:03.060 --> 01:20:04.680 I think it's going to be really great. 1388 01:20:05.260 --> 01:20:08.260 Um, let's see, Erica, go ahead. 1389 01:20:11.460 --> 01:20:12.420 Wait, can you hear me? 1390 01:20:13.020 --> 01:20:13.380 Yep. 1391 01:20:13.980 --> 01:20:14.420 Okay. 1392 01:20:14.520 --> 01:20:16.540 Just making sure my connection is always great. 1393 01:20:16.560 --> 01:20:17.220 Not the best. 1394 01:20:17.220 --> 01:20:18.020 I apologize. 1395 01:20:18.500 --> 01:20:22.980 So I guess with me, I I'm new to this, right. 1396 01:20:23.580 --> 01:20:28.920 And I'm noticing that like, I have the fruits that are multiple 1397 01:20:28.920 --> 01:20:32.220 fruits that are rooted in the same exact lie. 1398 01:20:32.340 --> 01:20:35.580 Is that something that's common for me? 1399 01:20:35.720 --> 01:20:36.900 There's at least 12 fruits. 1400 01:20:36.900 --> 01:20:39.940 And I was just like, Oh my goodness, that I'm not worthy enough. 1401 01:20:39.940 --> 01:20:40.880 I'm not good enough. 1402 01:20:40.880 --> 01:20:44.060 And there are multiple memories, I think that go through it. 1403 01:20:44.060 --> 01:20:50.660 But one, what happens when you just have lived this as long as you remember? 1404 01:20:51.760 --> 01:20:56.260 Like, I, I, yeah, tell me, tell me what's, what's one example. 1405 01:20:57.120 --> 01:20:58.680 Oh, man, I'm going to cry and ruin my mascara. 1406 01:20:58.680 --> 01:20:59.080 One minute. 1407 01:20:59.800 --> 01:21:01.720 Um, all right. 1408 01:21:01.840 --> 01:21:08.000 I guess that I'm not good enough or that I'm different and 1409 01:21:12.320 --> 01:21:14.360 and it wasn't okay to be different. 1410 01:21:17.280 --> 01:21:18.680 Tell me what that means to you. 1411 01:21:18.680 --> 01:21:21.560 What, what, that you're different and that it wasn't okay to be different. 1412 01:21:21.560 --> 01:21:23.480 Like, how did that show up for you as a kid? 1413 01:21:24.340 --> 01:21:30.140 Um, Oh, I guess it started with that. 1414 01:21:30.180 --> 01:21:31.820 Um, I have a learning disability. 1415 01:21:31.820 --> 01:21:32.660 I have ADHD. 1416 01:21:33.460 --> 01:21:38.500 So I knew that I always was different and my siblings, I guess I was always 1417 01:21:38.500 --> 01:21:42.140 compared to, because they were very smart and they were very with it and they 1418 01:21:42.140 --> 01:21:44.100 were very quiet and they didn't struggle. 1419 01:21:46.980 --> 01:21:47.500 Okay. 1420 01:21:47.780 --> 01:21:49.780 So were you not quiet, Erica? 1421 01:21:49.980 --> 01:21:51.060 No, not even close. 1422 01:21:51.060 --> 01:21:51.700 And I'm still not. 1423 01:21:51.740 --> 01:21:52.580 And that's okay. 1424 01:21:52.880 --> 01:21:53.680 It is okay. 1425 01:21:54.880 --> 01:21:56.160 And I've learned to accept that. 1426 01:21:56.160 --> 01:22:00.040 And I've learned that God gives people different talents for different reasons. 1427 01:22:00.040 --> 01:22:06.800 I'm a teacher and I'm a great one, but I guess that's something that I realized. 1428 01:22:06.840 --> 01:22:07.320 Oh, wow. 1429 01:22:07.320 --> 01:22:08.680 This is revealing a lot to me. 1430 01:22:10.200 --> 01:22:15.800 Ooh, that because I was different, people always judged me. 1431 01:22:15.800 --> 01:22:19.040 And I guess in every single Avenue, I felt like I was never enough. 1432 01:22:23.560 --> 01:22:28.120 Do you remember the first time that you didn't feel enough, like, and it's okay 1433 01:22:28.120 --> 01:22:32.400 if you don't remember fully tonight, but like, when is the first time that you 1434 01:22:32.400 --> 01:22:36.520 remember feeling that nothing you could ever do was good enough? 1435 01:22:42.320 --> 01:22:46.880 I I've always felt that way, I guess. 1436 01:22:46.880 --> 01:22:47.880 So, okay. 1437 01:22:47.880 --> 01:22:49.600 This goes back to your original question. 1438 01:22:49.600 --> 01:22:54.180 So if you feel like even as a little kid, you remember always feeling that way. 1439 01:22:54.180 --> 01:22:58.060 You were asking me how, like, how does that happen basically? 1440 01:22:58.060 --> 01:22:58.460 Right. 1441 01:22:58.580 --> 01:22:59.860 Is that what you were asking me? 1442 01:23:00.340 --> 01:23:00.900 Somewhat. 1443 01:23:00.900 --> 01:23:06.260 And I think that, yes, that's intergenerational trauma, but I think I, 1444 01:23:07.180 --> 01:23:13.500 like, I felt that way always as a little kid, but also I guess I felt it more 1445 01:23:13.500 --> 01:23:14.740 strongly in middle school. 1446 01:23:14.940 --> 01:23:18.900 I was bullied a lot and I was at a Christian school when it made me feel 1447 01:23:18.920 --> 01:23:22.320 like I was at a Christian school and it made me really turn away from the whole 1448 01:23:22.320 --> 01:23:27.640 idea of religion until recently, which would, you know yeah. 1449 01:23:28.520 --> 01:23:30.720 So what did the kids bully you about? 1450 01:23:31.720 --> 01:23:33.200 I got a couple death threats. 1451 01:23:33.200 --> 01:23:42.600 Um, um, just everything I was different and they didn't like that. 1452 01:23:42.600 --> 01:23:43.160 I was different. 1453 01:23:43.160 --> 01:23:46.120 They didn't like my shoes or the way that I talked or the way that I looked. 1454 01:23:46.120 --> 01:23:52.260 I just didn't have any friends and, um, I just felt alone. 1455 01:23:54.220 --> 01:23:59.580 So one of the things I think is going to be really important, Erica, is I want you 1456 01:23:59.580 --> 01:24:02.860 to start coming out of agreement with the lie that you're different. 1457 01:24:02.860 --> 01:24:04.860 I mean, it's okay for us all to be different. 1458 01:24:04.860 --> 01:24:05.120 Okay. 1459 01:24:05.120 --> 01:24:12.020 So I want to say that, but at the same rate, the enemy fed that to you in such 1460 01:24:12.560 --> 01:24:17.080 that you felt like an outsider, you felt lonely and isolated. 1461 01:24:17.400 --> 01:24:19.680 And God wants you to be invited. 1462 01:24:19.700 --> 01:24:23.560 He is inviting you back into community, back into action. 1463 01:24:24.000 --> 01:24:29.480 And one of the ways to start moving towards that is to literally like, say 1464 01:24:29.480 --> 01:24:35.120 something like I choose tonight to come out of agreement with the lie that I'm 1465 01:24:35.160 --> 01:24:40.640 different, I'm not enough and come into agreement with God, you have fearfully 1466 01:24:40.640 --> 01:24:43.820 and wonderfully made me, I'm not messed up. 1467 01:24:43.900 --> 01:24:45.180 I'm not broken. 1468 01:24:45.620 --> 01:24:46.180 No. 1469 01:24:47.740 --> 01:24:48.260 Okay. 1470 01:24:48.680 --> 01:24:50.300 So that's what another question I asked. 1471 01:24:50.300 --> 01:24:54.740 So I also, because I think that I've always thought that I wasn't enough and 1472 01:24:54.740 --> 01:24:55.820 that I've always felt fearful. 1473 01:24:55.860 --> 01:24:56.980 I struggle with control. 1474 01:24:57.020 --> 01:25:00.140 If you haven't noticed that, um, I struggle with control. 1475 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.260 trolling things. I mean, I'm a teacher. I'm very like rigid 1476 01:25:03.260 --> 01:25:06.660 and structured with things. I'm very organized with things. I 1477 01:25:06.660 --> 01:25:08.740 know a big part of this. Well, the whole part of this is 1478 01:25:08.740 --> 01:25:12.060 letting God do all the work, right? And I've accepted that 1479 01:25:12.100 --> 01:25:19.220 99.9%. Like I get it. But how am I like, how am I supposed to 1480 01:25:19.220 --> 01:25:22.740 know when I'm healed? How am I supposed to know how to agree or 1481 01:25:22.740 --> 01:25:25.020 how to forgive if I'm not supposed to do anything with it? 1482 01:25:25.140 --> 01:25:29.700 Well, so that's actually when we surrender to the Lord, we're not 1483 01:25:29.700 --> 01:25:35.240 saying that we're not doing anything. Okay. We are choosing 1484 01:25:35.240 --> 01:25:43.040 to partner with God in what he's doing. Okay. So for example, if 1485 01:25:43.200 --> 01:25:49.260 I just wait for God to drop a baby in my lap, now he might, he 1486 01:25:49.260 --> 01:25:53.080 might do that. But you know what, having a baby takes all 1487 01:25:53.080 --> 01:25:55.440 kinds of stuff that y'all know what it takes, right? Yeah. 1488 01:25:56.420 --> 01:25:59.660 There's two people that have to act on something. And then if 1489 01:25:59.660 --> 01:26:02.180 that's not working, you got to involve doctors and you got to 1490 01:26:02.340 --> 01:26:05.220 do tests and you got to do all these steps. So it's no 1491 01:26:05.220 --> 01:26:09.700 different in heart healing. Okay. So in your life, as 1492 01:26:09.700 --> 01:26:12.480 you're going through heart healing, you are surrendering 1493 01:26:12.480 --> 01:26:14.940 your like everything to the Lord, but you're not just 1494 01:26:14.940 --> 01:26:17.620 saying here you go, Lord, you know, like you just fix it. I 1495 01:26:17.620 --> 01:26:20.740 mean, we are saying that, but you're also saying, Lord, I'm 1496 01:26:20.740 --> 01:26:24.300 giving this to you. And I trust you to show me what step to take 1497 01:26:24.320 --> 01:26:29.880 every day to partner with you in my healing process. Okay. And 1498 01:26:29.880 --> 01:26:33.480 that's the thing. I haven't had many steps. Now I've had a ton 1499 01:26:33.480 --> 01:26:36.760 of dreams, right? And I know that they're transformation 1500 01:26:36.760 --> 01:26:39.600 dreams, because three of the dreams were water. One of them, 1501 01:26:39.600 --> 01:26:43.380 I was in like a big ocean, and I was trying to kayak. And the 1502 01:26:43.380 --> 01:26:45.840 other one, it was raining. And there was just a big 1503 01:26:45.840 --> 01:26:48.520 thunderstorm coming down. And then the other one, I was in a 1504 01:26:48.520 --> 01:26:52.760 pool in like a floaty, but like, I just I have a feeling that 1505 01:26:52.760 --> 01:26:55.420 water because it ebbs and it flows. And my interpretation, 1506 01:26:55.420 --> 01:26:58.420 it's like a spiritual awakening, spiritual transformation, it's 1507 01:26:58.420 --> 01:27:02.420 clean, it's holiness. But that's might be the ELA teacher like 1508 01:27:02.420 --> 01:27:07.020 coming out of me. But then I've also had dreams about my 1509 01:27:07.020 --> 01:27:10.660 principle, which I don't get because she's not religious at 1510 01:27:10.660 --> 01:27:13.380 all. But maybe like, because she's the authority figure in my 1511 01:27:13.380 --> 01:27:17.700 life. Like, you know, like my boss, when God should be like my 1512 01:27:17.700 --> 01:27:18.660 boss, I just don't know. 1513 01:27:19.260 --> 01:27:22.400 Yeah. And so the best way for us to unpack some of these things 1514 01:27:22.400 --> 01:27:25.400 is like, when you have some of these dreams, you can actually 1515 01:27:25.400 --> 01:27:27.560 come into the group and post about them. And we'll give you 1516 01:27:27.560 --> 01:27:31.420 feedback on them and help you even if you know, I mean, ladies, 1517 01:27:31.420 --> 01:27:34.420 we do want you to pray and ask the Lord, we want you to journal 1518 01:27:34.420 --> 01:27:37.220 your dreams. We want you to pray and ask the Lord to give you 1519 01:27:37.220 --> 01:27:40.620 wisdom and insight. But we want to also help you be like be a 1520 01:27:40.620 --> 01:27:45.620 part of that process with you. And I mean, God gives me just 1521 01:27:45.660 --> 01:27:47.740 all kinds of different revelation for people on their 1522 01:27:47.740 --> 01:27:50.580 dreams. He'll give me questions to ask you all to kind of go 1523 01:27:50.580 --> 01:27:54.880 back and, you know, talk to the Lord more about those things. 1524 01:27:55.140 --> 01:28:00.300 But I think the biggest thing is that for some of you, you know, 1525 01:28:00.440 --> 01:28:04.640 we want healing so bad, and all of us want healing bad. But like 1526 01:28:04.640 --> 01:28:06.920 for some of you, it's like trying to figure out how do we 1527 01:28:06.960 --> 01:28:12.080 how can we, you know, have every little aspect. And I'm hearing 1528 01:28:12.080 --> 01:28:15.680 the word perfection come up, Erica. So, you know, yeah, 1529 01:28:15.680 --> 01:28:19.200 that's area. Yeah. Like, I tried to be perfect, right? Messing 1530 01:28:19.200 --> 01:28:23.160 up. Yeah. And what I want you to know is that you can't mess 1531 01:28:23.160 --> 01:28:28.300 this up. Okay? Yeah. God's gonna help you walk this out one 1532 01:28:28.300 --> 01:28:31.980 little step at a time. Every day. I tell people all the time 1533 01:28:31.980 --> 01:28:35.060 one of the best things you can do is every day ask the Lord, 1534 01:28:35.620 --> 01:28:40.060 Lord, what's one thing I can do today to take a step towards my 1535 01:28:40.060 --> 01:28:43.920 healing? Okay. And if that's reading in the heartwork book, 1536 01:28:43.940 --> 01:28:47.900 if that's watching a video, if that's journaling, if that's 1537 01:28:47.920 --> 01:28:51.360 praying, like he's going to show you and specifically, he'll show 1538 01:28:51.360 --> 01:28:55.700 you sometimes what to pray for. So he's going to help you know 1539 01:28:55.700 --> 01:28:59.840 those action steps to keep taking. And in those, that is 1540 01:28:59.840 --> 01:29:03.840 where we can surrender control. Because sometimes God is going 1541 01:29:03.840 --> 01:29:06.860 to ask us to do things like I've given some of these other ladies 1542 01:29:06.860 --> 01:29:12.680 where we're forgiving people, and we're surrendering them and 1543 01:29:12.680 --> 01:29:17.300 situations to him, you know, and so I think the biggest, you 1544 01:29:17.300 --> 01:29:19.960 know, things for you, again, is coming out of alignment in 1545 01:29:19.960 --> 01:29:22.600 agreement with the lie that you're different, you're not 1546 01:29:22.600 --> 01:29:25.920 good enough, and that you can never be treated equally, because 1547 01:29:25.920 --> 01:29:27.880 that's coming up in my spirit, too, because you were saying a 1548 01:29:27.880 --> 01:29:31.820 lot of your, you know, growing up, they were smart, I was, and 1549 01:29:31.820 --> 01:29:34.920 they were quiet, and I was the opposite. So there's a lot of 1550 01:29:34.920 --> 01:29:40.080 labeling going on there. The was trying to make you feel like you 1551 01:29:40.080 --> 01:29:43.960 were not ever good enough that comparison trap. And so coming 1552 01:29:43.960 --> 01:29:48.780 out of that place, and really stepping into your identity. So 1553 01:29:48.780 --> 01:29:51.940 the silhouette activation from last week will be really 1554 01:29:51.940 --> 01:29:56.300 important for you. God, who do you say that I am? 1555 01:29:57.020 --> 01:29:57.900 One minute, let me work that 1556 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.040 And taking time to let God show you who you are through his eyes, help you hear what his 1557 01:30:06.040 --> 01:30:07.280 spirit is saying. 1558 01:30:07.280 --> 01:30:13.240 If you, if you watch last week's replay towards the end, I kind of explain that a little bit 1559 01:30:13.240 --> 01:30:17.200 more and you can just, even if you're not able to watch the whole thing, just catch 1560 01:30:17.200 --> 01:30:18.200 the end of that. 1561 01:30:18.200 --> 01:30:20.600 Cause it'll be really helpful for you in this process. 1562 01:30:20.600 --> 01:30:21.600 Okay. 1563 01:30:21.600 --> 01:30:22.600 Awesome. 1564 01:30:22.600 --> 01:30:23.600 Thanks for sharing with us. 1565 01:30:23.600 --> 01:30:25.320 Way to go on your first time. 1566 01:30:25.320 --> 01:30:26.320 You did a great job. 1567 01:30:26.320 --> 01:30:27.320 Man. 1568 01:30:27.320 --> 01:30:28.320 I've had therapy today. 1569 01:30:28.320 --> 01:30:29.320 I've had meetings today. 1570 01:30:29.640 --> 01:30:33.720 Y'all, this is how it works. 1571 01:30:33.720 --> 01:30:39.520 We come into community and we, we allow God to work in us and we trust and we allow like 1572 01:30:39.520 --> 01:30:40.880 sisters to come around us. 1573 01:30:40.880 --> 01:30:42.640 It's a beautiful thing, Erica. 1574 01:30:42.640 --> 01:30:44.600 Thank you for sharing Jockabed. 1575 01:30:44.600 --> 01:30:45.600 Go ahead. 1576 01:30:45.600 --> 01:30:46.600 Hello. 1577 01:30:46.600 --> 01:30:47.600 Hello. 1578 01:30:47.600 --> 01:30:51.600 Am I saying your name right? 1579 01:30:51.600 --> 01:30:52.600 It's Jockabed. 1580 01:30:52.600 --> 01:30:53.600 Jockabed. 1581 01:30:53.600 --> 01:30:54.600 Yes. 1582 01:30:54.600 --> 01:30:55.600 Okay. 1583 01:30:55.600 --> 01:31:00.760 I'm going to try it with an accent because I think the Joe sounds like a boy's name. 1584 01:31:00.760 --> 01:31:07.080 So one of the things that you had said earlier that really resonated with me is that I grew 1585 01:31:07.080 --> 01:31:14.560 up in church and my dad was a pastor and it kind of like triggered me to not desire that 1586 01:31:14.560 --> 01:31:24.720 as an older person just because well, my mom was like a very unhappy pastor's wife and 1587 01:31:24.840 --> 01:31:29.840 my dad was not the type of pastor who led a double life, but he did put the ministry 1588 01:31:29.840 --> 01:31:36.360 before his family and my brother became a drug addict and a very abusive person to this 1589 01:31:36.360 --> 01:31:43.720 day and my mom blames him for that, that he never took authority. 1590 01:31:43.720 --> 01:31:47.280 He just let like, let him do whatever he wants because he was so focused on the church's 1591 01:31:47.280 --> 01:31:52.760 problems that he never really paid attention to his own son like that. 1592 01:31:52.800 --> 01:31:59.160 And so, and also my sister as well, she kind of, she blames that my sister went out with 1593 01:31:59.160 --> 01:32:00.840 like not great men. 1594 01:32:00.840 --> 01:32:05.880 It was because, you know, whatever my dad didn't really teach her how to look for a 1595 01:32:05.880 --> 01:32:07.960 good man. 1596 01:32:07.960 --> 01:32:10.040 And my dad was a good guy. 1597 01:32:10.040 --> 01:32:11.640 He was not a bad father. 1598 01:32:11.640 --> 01:32:17.800 We all love him, but you know, he did, you know, just not pay attention to us. 1599 01:32:17.800 --> 01:32:21.480 Like we were not like first, you know, stuff like that. 1600 01:32:21.480 --> 01:32:27.600 So like, I guess fast forward like years later, I'm the only one in my family who's 1601 01:32:27.600 --> 01:32:32.340 been single, but all my siblings have been divorced actually. 1602 01:32:32.340 --> 01:32:35.520 So I'm the only one who's never been married and has no children. 1603 01:32:35.520 --> 01:32:38.320 They all have children actually. 1604 01:32:38.320 --> 01:32:48.880 And so now I'm the only one who's actually like serving the Lord, but it's been kind 1605 01:32:48.880 --> 01:32:56.960 of like rough with my dating because I feel like now I'm a lawyer and like, it's, it's 1606 01:32:56.960 --> 01:33:01.320 so different for me because I've gone out with Christian guys and I've been dumped by 1607 01:33:01.320 --> 01:33:05.600 Christian guys because they think that I'm not going to be a good wife. 1608 01:33:05.600 --> 01:33:09.120 And so it kind of like, because of your job or what? 1609 01:33:09.120 --> 01:33:10.120 Yes. 1610 01:33:10.120 --> 01:33:15.360 And they see my family dynamic and the way my mom is, and they think that that's going 1611 01:33:15.360 --> 01:33:20.240 to kind of be like their life and how my, what my mom was like, cause my mom was also 1612 01:33:20.240 --> 01:33:21.240 very narcissistic. 1613 01:33:21.240 --> 01:33:25.600 She like treated my dad really bad, but I was like the nicest guy. 1614 01:33:25.600 --> 01:33:33.480 And like, so it kind of like, I like the very first time, like I did, I waited on the Lord 1615 01:33:33.480 --> 01:33:35.660 for years and years. 1616 01:33:35.660 --> 01:33:39.360 And then I met this guy at church and then he dumped me because he didn't think that 1617 01:33:39.360 --> 01:33:41.560 I was going to be a good wife or a good mother. 1618 01:33:41.560 --> 01:33:45.560 Was it one guy that did this and said this, or more than one guy that has said that? 1619 01:33:45.560 --> 01:33:47.100 One guy who said this. 1620 01:33:47.100 --> 01:33:51.680 And then every time I've been like, tried to get like hooked up with somebody like in 1621 01:33:51.680 --> 01:33:56.440 the church or something like that, every time they meet me, they don't want to like pursue 1622 01:33:56.440 --> 01:33:57.440 anything. 1623 01:33:57.440 --> 01:34:00.080 Let me ask you a question. 1624 01:34:00.080 --> 01:34:05.600 And when I ask you this question, I don't want you to worry about us thinking something 1625 01:34:05.600 --> 01:34:07.880 bad about your mom. 1626 01:34:07.880 --> 01:34:09.400 Okay. 1627 01:34:09.400 --> 01:34:14.200 Did you ever feel like your mom wasn't a good wife? 1628 01:34:14.200 --> 01:34:16.200 I do feel that way. 1629 01:34:16.200 --> 01:34:17.200 Okay. 1630 01:34:17.200 --> 01:34:19.960 Here's the thing. 1631 01:34:19.960 --> 01:34:23.880 You need to take some steps to forgive your mom and come out of bitterness and resentment 1632 01:34:23.880 --> 01:34:29.360 towards her for not being a good wife or being maybe not being a good mom or, or whatever. 1633 01:34:29.360 --> 01:34:35.160 Cause what's happening from my perspective is it's attracting like those statements being 1634 01:34:35.160 --> 01:34:40.840 made over you, even though that's most likely not even true about you, but like that, that 1635 01:34:40.840 --> 01:34:45.880 guy saying that to you, as soon as he said it in your subconscious, somehow you partnered 1636 01:34:45.880 --> 01:34:46.880 with it. 1637 01:34:46.880 --> 01:34:50.120 Does that make sense? 1638 01:34:50.120 --> 01:34:54.280 So we got to come out of agreement with the lie that was spoken over you through that 1639 01:34:54.280 --> 01:34:56.360 man, that you wouldn't be a good wife. 1640 01:34:56.360 --> 01:35:00.040 Because now what I hear you saying is without saying it, you're afraid. 1641 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.400 that this is what men are going to think about you. That's why I said, is this just your job? 1642 01:35:04.400 --> 01:35:10.160 And that's where you started explaining more. And so coming out of agreement with those lies, 1643 01:35:10.160 --> 01:35:14.720 that's not who you are. And again, like, what is God saying about you? Does God say you're 1644 01:35:14.720 --> 01:35:19.440 going to be a good wife? Does God say you're going to be healthy and be able to establish 1645 01:35:19.440 --> 01:35:24.240 a good family? I think God wants to tell you some things about that, but let's lean into what he's 1646 01:35:24.240 --> 01:35:30.400 saying. But forgiving your mom and, and, and ladies, sometimes we don't even realize 1647 01:35:31.920 --> 01:35:36.880 how deep the bitter root goes. Yeah. Cause even recently, 1648 01:35:36.880 --> 01:35:42.000 cause the only longest relationship I've ever had was with a Jewish guy. And 1649 01:35:44.800 --> 01:35:50.640 recently we were, we, and I, cause even when I have gotten on dates with Christian guys, 1650 01:35:50.640 --> 01:35:55.760 it's either doesn't go past one day or I've gotten, basically the first time it was, 1651 01:35:55.760 --> 01:36:02.240 I got dumped within like a few months. And then, um, every time that's happened, 1652 01:36:02.240 --> 01:36:07.040 like my, even my mom recently was just like, we went to like this kosher restaurant. Cause I live, 1653 01:36:07.040 --> 01:36:12.160 I live in Southern California. So we were in LA and we went to this kosher restaurant with my 1654 01:36:12.160 --> 01:36:18.400 brother. And then she was just like, Oh, well, I feel like the guys here are actually checking you 1655 01:36:18.400 --> 01:36:23.920 out. And when we go to church, cause we was like mother's day. And we, I had gone to her church 1656 01:36:23.920 --> 01:36:30.560 cause my dad passed away. So I went to her church and, um, I went to her church and then she's just 1657 01:36:30.560 --> 01:36:34.640 like, well, it seems like you're actually guys checking out. Cause if we go to church, you know, 1658 01:36:34.640 --> 01:36:40.400 you're not going to get nobody, you know, you're not getting nobody. So it's, I feel like, is that 1659 01:36:40.400 --> 01:36:47.600 a lie that I feel like I'm starting to like partner with probably value, like Jewish men value, 1660 01:36:47.600 --> 01:36:53.440 the type of woman that I am as far as like being a lawyer, because I feel like every time I go on, 1661 01:36:53.440 --> 01:36:59.760 like the group that I'm in, um, for like, I was in this, I joined this like singles group. 1662 01:37:00.320 --> 01:37:04.880 And every time some guy posts, you know, something, they always, one of the things that 1663 01:37:04.880 --> 01:37:10.240 they post, if they've never been married, it's like, they want a woman who wants to stay home 1664 01:37:10.240 --> 01:37:14.960 and like, doesn't have a career. And some guys kind of say stuff like that. 1665 01:37:14.960 --> 01:37:19.360 Yeah. And, and that's okay. I mean, it's just that that's not going to be your spirit mate. 1666 01:37:20.960 --> 01:37:26.160 And so I wonder like, is that in the cards for me? Like, you know what I mean? Like, 1667 01:37:26.800 --> 01:37:32.960 okay, here's the thing. You have to trust that God has a spirit mate for you. He already knows 1668 01:37:32.960 --> 01:37:41.040 what your profession is. Okay. And so just because, um, we may feel that some people 1669 01:37:41.040 --> 01:37:47.680 have a different preference, that doesn't mean that God can't lead you to a spirit mate that 1670 01:37:47.680 --> 01:37:53.040 is like, thinks it's amazing that right now you're just rocking it. And, you know, those 1671 01:37:53.040 --> 01:37:57.760 conversations about what you all do, if you, if you want kids and all those kinds of things can 1672 01:37:57.760 --> 01:38:04.320 come later, but just, I think just encouraging you to not partner with that. You're not going 1673 01:38:04.320 --> 01:38:08.560 to be chosen because you're a lawyer and you can only date certain guys because you have this 1674 01:38:08.560 --> 01:38:13.120 profession. Um, those are all things I would encourage you to not partner with because those 1675 01:38:13.120 --> 01:38:20.400 are all fear-based and remember fear has to do with torment, but perfect love casts out fear. 1676 01:38:20.400 --> 01:38:26.640 So if you continue to allow yourself to soak in the truth of who God is as love for you 1677 01:38:27.280 --> 01:38:34.320 and towards you, and he has all this love that he wants to express to you. Um, the more that you 1678 01:38:34.320 --> 01:38:40.240 soak in that, the more it will help you kind of let go of these fears, these doubts and unbelief 1679 01:38:40.240 --> 01:38:46.560 that are all partnering together. And yes, things your mom are saying, like is saying to you is, 1680 01:38:46.560 --> 01:38:51.360 is definitely feeding into those fears for you. And so I would just encourage you ladies, this 1681 01:38:51.360 --> 01:38:57.600 is for all of you before you go around anybody that tends to be negative or say negative things, 1682 01:38:57.600 --> 01:39:03.920 whether they mean to or not put on the armor of God, you guys have to go armored up. I can't tell 1683 01:39:03.920 --> 01:39:12.400 you how important this is. Um, my mom, a lover, she's no longer with us. Um, man, it was tough 1684 01:39:12.400 --> 01:39:17.600 to be around her sometimes, especially towards the end. She was very, just very bitter and lonely, 1685 01:39:18.160 --> 01:39:24.160 and she would spew things out on me, but you all doubt, like at the end, when she was passing away, 1686 01:39:24.160 --> 01:39:28.960 I was the only person that she wanted to take care of her. Very interesting. I think that God 1687 01:39:28.960 --> 01:39:35.120 was working in that somehow. And so we have to just continue to surrender. Like even in those 1688 01:39:35.120 --> 01:39:41.760 situations, you know, God helped me to hear only what your spirit is saying that you would 1689 01:39:41.760 --> 01:39:48.720 literally guard me from what the, the, you know, the lions are speaking and help me to hear and 1690 01:39:48.720 --> 01:39:54.400 know you like your truth. Nobody else's truth, but your truth Lord. And so I want to encourage 1691 01:39:54.400 --> 01:39:58.400 you, like come out of alignment with some of those things also just, you know, again, 1692 01:39:58.400 --> 01:39:59.840 forgiving your mom and being able. 1693 01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.160 to start working on the forgiveness prayer sheets regarding the ways that it sounds. 1694 01:40:06.800 --> 01:40:14.960 Probably like you might be standing in judgment of her some. Okay. And so remember what I said 1695 01:40:14.960 --> 01:40:24.240 when I was reading that excerpt judgment has to do with a fragmented heart. So most likely 1696 01:40:24.240 --> 01:40:29.280 things that your mom did in the past and it created breakdown or pain in your family. 1697 01:40:29.280 --> 01:40:34.960 There was probably times along the way where you judged her and you partnered with that. And then 1698 01:40:34.960 --> 01:40:39.440 you like every time after that, if there was additional wounding, there could have been 1699 01:40:39.440 --> 01:40:45.600 additional judgments or criticisms made or those kinds of things. That's how the strongholds form, 1700 01:40:45.600 --> 01:40:51.440 ladies, is that every time something new is presented to us that we don't know any better 1701 01:40:51.440 --> 01:40:54.880 and we have all this brokenness. And so we keep partnering with it and we keep partnering with 1702 01:40:54.880 --> 01:40:59.440 it and we keep partnering. And that's, that's where the strongholds get developed. Does that 1703 01:40:59.440 --> 01:41:04.160 make sense? All right. So look forward to hearing how this goes. I think there's a lot of good 1704 01:41:04.160 --> 01:41:11.840 things. You can have everything God wants for you, including a spirit mate. He's not surprised 1705 01:41:11.840 --> 01:41:18.880 by your profession. Okay. Yeah. Love this. Y'all let's partner with truth. What is heaven saying? 1706 01:41:18.880 --> 01:41:25.200 I led the prayer call this morning. That was one of the things God was saying. So God, 1707 01:41:25.200 --> 01:41:31.520 what are you saying over me from heaven today? All right. If anyone needs to jump off, totally fine. 1708 01:41:31.520 --> 01:41:35.840 I am going to go ahead and let these last three ladies share, but I won't be able to take anybody 1709 01:41:35.840 --> 01:41:42.480 else. And we're going to do our best to be done. Literally, I cannot go past 10. Y'all, 1710 01:41:42.480 --> 01:41:47.120 I'll start getting in trouble with the boss. So Catherine, I would love to hear what you have to 1711 01:41:47.120 --> 01:41:59.280 say. I mean, I definitely feel inspired to share, especially with other sisters in Christ here 1712 01:41:59.280 --> 01:42:06.400 talking about, about feeling less than for not being married, feeling like all the different 1713 01:42:06.400 --> 01:42:12.000 things that were shared, which I feel like we lift each other up being open and everything. 1714 01:42:12.640 --> 01:42:21.440 Um, I actually really feel less than, and I wish my only problem was I was never married, 1715 01:42:21.440 --> 01:42:27.840 but to have a marriage and in divorce and be shamed about it on Facebook, I'm not even kidding. 1716 01:42:29.760 --> 01:42:34.640 And, um, my son's father is the one who wanted it in the first place. I mean, 1717 01:42:34.640 --> 01:42:39.760 it makes me go to a certain place where trust me, if I could control the man, I would, 1718 01:42:40.480 --> 01:42:46.800 I would. And it's like, and then I go into that zone. And even speaking of powerful dreams, 1719 01:42:46.800 --> 01:42:52.320 this is probably why I've had very powerful dreams of being president of this country or vice 1720 01:42:52.320 --> 01:42:58.000 president, you know, kind of like, Oh, I want to show him, but you know, it's stuff like that, 1721 01:42:58.000 --> 01:43:04.320 that really made me feel like, Oh my gosh, I'm a horrible wife. Um, and then I've even believed 1722 01:43:04.320 --> 01:43:09.680 that, okay, I'm definitely within the generational curse because my parents got a 1723 01:43:09.680 --> 01:43:15.600 divorce and have even been thinking, Oh, I could use a massive deliverance and get rid of that 1724 01:43:15.600 --> 01:43:22.000 as well. But I mean, this, this is the hardest thing because I feel like I get so judged 1725 01:43:23.360 --> 01:43:30.320 because of this and basically told that I can't have a spirit mate at all because of this or 1726 01:43:31.120 --> 01:43:38.640 you certain quote unquote Christians on Facebook, which is why I know as my son grows up, I'm going 1727 01:43:38.640 --> 01:43:45.120 to be telling him really watch on social media because that could be the biggest place people 1728 01:43:45.120 --> 01:43:53.280 can be a bully. Yeah. Yeah. Have you watched the divorce and remarriage video session yet? 1729 01:43:54.080 --> 01:44:00.960 I don't think I have. Okay. But I am inspired that Jackie has said she has been divorced before 1730 01:44:00.960 --> 01:44:04.960 and then she's got her good spirit mate now. I mean, I don't know what I would do without that 1731 01:44:05.520 --> 01:44:10.080 because literally when it comes to my son's dad, he wanted the divorce. So he abandoned me 1732 01:44:11.280 --> 01:44:16.320 and he cheated on me. And I know those are biblical ground. And I know I've been told by 1733 01:44:17.200 --> 01:44:23.840 good Christians that I've put myself under their leadership. I've taken classes with them. I've 1734 01:44:23.840 --> 01:44:29.840 helped out in their ministry. I've been told, no, I have biblical ground, but then there's 1735 01:44:29.840 --> 01:44:35.760 those one or two that's really legalistic of like, well, like adultery is adultery. And like, 1736 01:44:35.760 --> 01:44:39.120 you can't remarry unless he's dead. And it's like, believe me, 1737 01:44:39.600 --> 01:44:50.080 I wish many times that I was a widow instead. Are these people that you are just friends 1738 01:44:50.080 --> 01:44:54.160 with on Facebook or you spend time with them? These people that are talking to you this way? 1739 01:44:55.120 --> 01:44:59.840 Thankfully, no, it's just people in what's supposed to be. 1740 01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:07.040 Christian groups on Facebook, but then they say, they say ridiculous things like that, 1741 01:45:07.040 --> 01:45:08.040 like that. 1742 01:45:08.040 --> 01:45:09.040 Okay. 1743 01:45:09.040 --> 01:45:13.800 People that you don't even know really are saying and attacking you. 1744 01:45:13.800 --> 01:45:14.800 Okay. 1745 01:45:14.800 --> 01:45:15.800 All right. 1746 01:45:15.800 --> 01:45:20.000 I'm going to encourage you for a little while just to maybe not get in those groups and 1747 01:45:20.000 --> 01:45:21.000 interact. 1748 01:45:21.000 --> 01:45:26.720 I want you to have a time of like healing and being away from people's judgment and 1749 01:45:26.720 --> 01:45:33.200 their criticisms and all the things and being shamed for it on Facebook, because let's just 1750 01:45:33.200 --> 01:45:38.480 pull away from all of that and really just spend this time only on your heart work and 1751 01:45:38.480 --> 01:45:43.400 hearing what God wants to say to you, um, that divorce and remarriage. 1752 01:45:43.400 --> 01:45:47.560 I would love for you to go ahead, no matter what week you're on, you can click and look 1753 01:45:47.560 --> 01:45:48.560 through those weeks. 1754 01:45:48.560 --> 01:45:49.560 And I want you to find that. 1755 01:45:49.560 --> 01:45:50.760 I forget what week it's in. 1756 01:45:50.760 --> 01:45:54.400 I just can't remember right now, but it's in, it's in one of the weeks and you can, 1757 01:45:54.400 --> 01:45:55.400 okay. 1758 01:45:55.400 --> 01:45:56.400 Pamela, thank you. 1759 01:45:57.080 --> 01:46:00.440 I think that I would love for you to listen to that this week, because I, I feel like 1760 01:46:00.440 --> 01:46:05.520 some of the stuff that you've been like, that has been said to you, um, is probably partnering 1761 01:46:05.520 --> 01:46:11.600 with things that you heard even growing up where some, a lot of times y'all, the whole 1762 01:46:11.600 --> 01:46:17.160 divorce and remarriage and all that is very wrongly preached from a lot of pulpits. 1763 01:46:17.160 --> 01:46:18.160 Okay. 1764 01:46:18.160 --> 01:46:22.120 And so it's really important to guard your heart and your mind, uh, through Christ Jesus 1765 01:46:22.120 --> 01:46:24.240 a hundred percent in this regard. 1766 01:46:24.240 --> 01:46:26.520 But this week, that's, that's the assignment I have for you. 1767 01:46:26.520 --> 01:46:31.880 I feel like that's going to help you, um, heal a little bit more, hear the truth of, 1768 01:46:31.880 --> 01:46:37.120 of what God's word actually says, um, and start to plant some good seeds in there. 1769 01:46:37.120 --> 01:46:43.480 Um, the feeling less than, you know, if that is really deep in your core, let's ask the 1770 01:46:43.480 --> 01:46:45.640 Lord to reveal to you where that started. 1771 01:46:45.640 --> 01:46:52.040 If it started before the divorce, um, that you would know again, that root of that. 1772 01:46:52.040 --> 01:46:56.920 And so when we, when we ask, when we ask for the root, we ask for God to reveal that 1773 01:46:56.920 --> 01:47:01.680 so that we don't have done all this other stuff, as I was talking about, that's building 1774 01:47:01.680 --> 01:47:02.680 on top of that. 1775 01:47:02.680 --> 01:47:04.800 If the root gets healed, guess what? 1776 01:47:04.800 --> 01:47:08.680 It creates this ripple effect and the other stuff starts to get healed too. 1777 01:47:08.680 --> 01:47:13.280 And so that's, that's genuinely my encouragement for you this week. 1778 01:47:13.280 --> 01:47:16.920 Um, and, um, here's the other thing. 1779 01:47:16.920 --> 01:47:21.280 I know it can be tough when an ex, cause I I've gone through it multiple times when they 1780 01:47:21.520 --> 01:47:28.920 say crazy stuff on Facebook or wherever, um, or even to you directly via text, or. 1781 01:47:28.920 --> 01:47:33.520 I just want to encourage you to get your identity from the word and no one else and nothing 1782 01:47:33.520 --> 01:47:34.520 else. 1783 01:47:34.520 --> 01:47:38.260 And, and I know it can be tough when they're saying hurtful things and they're putting 1784 01:47:38.260 --> 01:47:43.040 it out there wherever they're putting it for people to see, but that you would just know 1785 01:47:43.040 --> 01:47:48.160 that you're God defended and God will bring everything that's in darkness to the light 1786 01:47:48.160 --> 01:47:53.800 and he will reveal what needs to be revealed that we would trust him to protect us and, 1787 01:47:53.800 --> 01:47:54.800 and look over us. 1788 01:47:54.800 --> 01:48:00.760 And honestly, if ladies, if we are moving forward and our eyes are on heaven, and we're 1789 01:48:00.760 --> 01:48:04.800 looking for things that are true, noble, lovely, and of good report, guess what? 1790 01:48:04.800 --> 01:48:08.320 Even when those people are doing and saying those things, we're going to stop engaging 1791 01:48:08.320 --> 01:48:10.120 with that garbage. 1792 01:48:10.120 --> 01:48:11.320 Okay. 1793 01:48:11.320 --> 01:48:14.440 Not that you are engaging it, but I'm saying this for everyone. 1794 01:48:14.440 --> 01:48:20.000 I had to learn to walk in a lot of self-control because every time I would even try to say 1795 01:48:20.000 --> 01:48:25.320 something positive, it would always get spun and turned into all this gaslighting and garbage. 1796 01:48:25.320 --> 01:48:26.560 And you know what? 1797 01:48:26.560 --> 01:48:30.080 Guess what was the most effective? 1798 01:48:30.080 --> 01:48:32.420 Not saying anything. 1799 01:48:32.420 --> 01:48:35.120 And that would really tick him off sometimes too in the beginning. 1800 01:48:35.120 --> 01:48:41.000 But the more that I just didn't engage in the garbage, I just kept moving forward. 1801 01:48:41.000 --> 01:48:42.400 And you know what? 1802 01:48:42.400 --> 01:48:49.920 The garbage can at some point got left way back there and it wasn't with me anymore. 1803 01:48:49.920 --> 01:48:51.440 And that will happen for you too. 1804 01:48:51.440 --> 01:48:54.820 Now, when you all have kids with people, it's a little trickier. 1805 01:48:54.820 --> 01:48:59.360 My spiritual daughters aren't like my bio daughters, but in the beginning I still had, 1806 01:48:59.360 --> 01:49:02.960 like I had them all the time and I would have to engage with their dad. 1807 01:49:02.960 --> 01:49:09.440 Yes, man, that's trickier when I had to see him and hear this stuff, but I just kept praying 1808 01:49:09.520 --> 01:49:13.720 God help, like, just help me just to not engage and protect me even when he's saying crazy 1809 01:49:13.720 --> 01:49:14.720 stuff. 1810 01:49:14.720 --> 01:49:17.320 And, and that's just what I prayed and God did that for me. 1811 01:49:17.320 --> 01:49:19.800 I believe you'll do that for you too. 1812 01:49:19.800 --> 01:49:21.200 And I feel like I needed to hear that. 1813 01:49:21.200 --> 01:49:27.680 I feel like that was 100% like all God, because God knows he definitely has trashed me on 1814 01:49:27.680 --> 01:49:28.680 Facebook. 1815 01:49:28.680 --> 01:49:33.960 I actually got him in trouble when in court over that has even said stuff behind my back, 1816 01:49:33.960 --> 01:49:37.520 which that I shouldn't have been looking for. 1817 01:49:38.440 --> 01:49:39.440 That was on my fault. 1818 01:49:39.440 --> 01:49:41.960 And I think it's time to delete that stuff. 1819 01:49:41.960 --> 01:49:43.760 And I do have a son with him. 1820 01:49:43.760 --> 01:49:51.040 I do have a son with him, but at least he's signed off that I can move my son from Long 1821 01:49:51.040 --> 01:49:53.400 Island to upstate New York. 1822 01:49:53.400 --> 01:49:56.760 But even then we're going to have to come back down and I'm going to have to deal with 1823 01:49:56.760 --> 01:49:57.760 him. 1824 01:49:57.760 --> 01:50:00.040 But so forgiving him is going to forgive. 1825 01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:02.480 I think him is going to be a huge part of this for you, too. 1826 01:50:02.880 --> 01:50:07.480 Okay, absolutely. 100%. And I already decided for my son. I 1827 01:50:07.480 --> 01:50:11.840 don't want that to turn into what I saw with my parents. Yeah. 1828 01:50:11.880 --> 01:50:15.400 And how much my mom held on all that anger towards my dad for 1829 01:50:15.400 --> 01:50:18.440 years. I've already made that decision for my son. And I know 1830 01:50:18.440 --> 01:50:22.200 it's for me to Yes, it is for me to your freedom to not do that. 1831 01:50:22.720 --> 01:50:26.920 Yes. Walking into forgiveness is setting yourself free just as 1832 01:50:26.920 --> 01:50:29.680 much as it's setting everyone else free. Catherine, thank you 1833 01:50:29.680 --> 01:50:34.800 so much for sharing. Really appreciate you. Alexandra. Go 1834 01:50:34.800 --> 01:50:35.320 ahead. 1835 01:50:36.840 --> 01:50:44.680 Okay, hey, hi. Um, so I think for me, what came up was that 1836 01:50:44.720 --> 01:50:48.680 this when things go wrong, what comes up for me is like, I'm not 1837 01:50:48.680 --> 01:50:51.760 capable of dealing with this or I'm not, I'm not going to be 1838 01:50:51.760 --> 01:50:55.000 able to, to Yeah, I'm not capable of dealing with this. 1839 01:50:55.000 --> 01:50:59.200 And then I trace that back to just my upbringing stuff going 1840 01:50:59.200 --> 01:51:04.480 on. And my family was really rough. I was neglected when my 1841 01:51:04.480 --> 01:51:07.600 parents before my parents got divorced, and then they got 1842 01:51:07.600 --> 01:51:11.400 divorced. And then just a lot fell out from under us. My dad 1843 01:51:11.400 --> 01:51:16.120 took the house away. And we came home and these movers were like 1844 01:51:16.120 --> 01:51:20.200 packing our whole house up. And we moved into another house that 1845 01:51:20.200 --> 01:51:24.600 had molds. And then my mom got super. She was already addicted 1846 01:51:24.600 --> 01:51:28.080 to stuff, but super in into alcohol with her boyfriend and 1847 01:51:28.080 --> 01:51:32.080 just kind of left us at home a lot. And I was like in middle 1848 01:51:32.080 --> 01:51:38.160 school at that age, but so I just and then we lived in this 1849 01:51:38.160 --> 01:51:40.880 town or like everyone else had it together is like, or they 1850 01:51:40.880 --> 01:51:45.040 seem to is like very rich little town fam. Nobody else was 1851 01:51:45.040 --> 01:51:49.480 divorced, or very, that's just, I guess my friend group or the 1852 01:51:49.480 --> 01:51:53.280 town that I lived in. That's what it seems like. So I just 1853 01:51:53.280 --> 01:51:56.160 decided like something was really wrong with me at some 1854 01:51:56.160 --> 01:51:59.480 point. And I don't I think that I did some therapy on that too. 1855 01:51:59.480 --> 01:52:02.920 And I think when I was home alone, at some point, I decided 1856 01:52:02.920 --> 01:52:07.080 that there's something wrong with me. Like when my parents 1857 01:52:07.200 --> 01:52:11.240 should have been there. And so that still sticks with me. Oh, 1858 01:52:11.240 --> 01:52:15.800 my gosh. So and I've dealt with like worth trying to like pray 1859 01:52:15.800 --> 01:52:20.080 into my worth with God. And I speak that over myself a lot. So 1860 01:52:20.080 --> 01:52:23.120 I've grown in that area. But I think it still comes out 1861 01:52:23.120 --> 01:52:27.240 especially in dating, like, just that I'm not capable of 1862 01:52:27.280 --> 01:52:30.040 doing becoming who I want to become. 1863 01:52:30.840 --> 01:52:34.560 Okay. So when you say that you have thoughts like something was 1864 01:52:34.560 --> 01:52:40.200 wrong with you? Um, do you feel like at some point or any point 1865 01:52:40.200 --> 01:52:45.360 that you felt like your parents divorce was your fault? Was that 1866 01:52:45.360 --> 01:52:46.800 ever a thought that you had? 1867 01:52:47.680 --> 01:52:51.760 I it I think what I thought was like, Oh, I wasn't a nut. Like I 1868 01:52:51.760 --> 01:52:54.120 couldn't have kept this together. I wasn't enough to 1869 01:52:54.120 --> 01:52:55.120 keep this together. 1870 01:52:57.320 --> 01:52:59.920 Yeah, that's what the reason I was asking you because when you 1871 01:52:59.920 --> 01:53:02.120 say I'm not capable of dealing with us, that's where you 1872 01:53:02.120 --> 01:53:05.280 started. And then as you were talking and sharing about your 1873 01:53:05.280 --> 01:53:07.640 parents that you just kept feeling like something was wrong 1874 01:53:07.640 --> 01:53:13.520 with you versus something wasn't healthy with them. Even though 1875 01:53:13.520 --> 01:53:16.760 you knew stuff wasn't healthy, you were taking like you were 1876 01:53:16.760 --> 01:53:20.160 owning it as if there was something wrong with you. 1877 01:53:20.920 --> 01:53:23.280 Yeah, and I don't know, I think that's just what I decided when 1878 01:53:23.280 --> 01:53:26.800 I was alone one day. Like, that's, I don't know, my 1879 01:53:26.800 --> 01:53:30.160 sisters were making fun of me that time to like, they were 1880 01:53:30.160 --> 01:53:33.200 older than me, they didn't want to hang out with me. And so I 1881 01:53:33.200 --> 01:53:36.600 think that's those two things were happening at the same time. 1882 01:53:36.600 --> 01:53:43.400 And I just felt not worthy, I guess, and attached it to this 1883 01:53:43.400 --> 01:53:47.200 must be my fault. So I always tried to be really good. So 1884 01:53:47.600 --> 01:53:52.320 I've tried to be really perfect. And like, so then I can be very 1885 01:53:52.320 --> 01:53:55.520 hard on myself. And then I'm really hard on other people as 1886 01:53:55.520 --> 01:53:57.840 well. And that's what I'm struggling with right now is I'm 1887 01:53:57.840 --> 01:54:04.040 very critical and judgmental and hurt very easily by people. So 1888 01:54:04.040 --> 01:54:07.960 like the forgiveness, I'm trying to keep pressing on but I'm like 1889 01:54:07.960 --> 01:54:13.120 I have such a laundry list of hurts that so it's just gonna 1890 01:54:13.120 --> 01:54:13.920 take some time. 1891 01:54:14.880 --> 01:54:17.240 Well, and the being hard on yourself and others that 1892 01:54:17.240 --> 01:54:20.920 critical again, that's, that's just a defense mechanism that 1893 01:54:20.920 --> 01:54:27.320 you've learned over the years to self protect and yourself from 1894 01:54:27.360 --> 01:54:31.520 like, like, these people coming in and hurting and taking, 1895 01:54:31.520 --> 01:54:37.680 taking, taking. And so I just keep feeling like on this 1896 01:54:37.680 --> 01:54:41.080 something wrong with me. I want to encourage you to ask the Lord 1897 01:54:41.080 --> 01:54:45.960 this week to show you the first time that you had that thought. 1898 01:54:47.400 --> 01:54:50.680 In particular, and not only to show you like, what was the 1899 01:54:50.680 --> 01:54:53.680 memory that you had the thought but I want you to ask Jesus to 1900 01:54:53.680 --> 01:54:58.120 reveal to you where was he when that was happening? And what does 1901 01:54:58.120 --> 01:54:59.520 he want you to know about it? 1902 01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:07.840 Because this feels deep to me, and I think it's going into your identity core somewhere. 1903 01:55:08.560 --> 01:55:12.640 There's another lie that's partnering with it, but I just, I can't put my finger on it tonight. 1904 01:55:12.640 --> 01:55:20.240 But I feel like as you ask the Lord this, that he's going to illuminate that original situation 1905 01:55:20.240 --> 01:55:25.040 and dynamic when you believed the lie that something was wrong with you. But then when 1906 01:55:25.040 --> 01:55:31.120 he comes in, if you ask him to reveal, Jesus, where were you in this situation? And what do 1907 01:55:31.120 --> 01:55:35.280 you want me to know about it? He's literally going to be able to speak truth to you right 1908 01:55:35.280 --> 01:55:41.200 into the core of that situation. Does that make sense? Because right now, like, and this is where 1909 01:55:41.200 --> 01:55:46.240 you're doing a great job, but this is where ladies, we have to really, especially when we have 1910 01:55:46.240 --> 01:55:49.600 counselors and we've got multiple people we're working with and we're working on all this stuff 1911 01:55:49.600 --> 01:55:55.200 and we're working and we're working and that's good. But there comes a time where we just have 1912 01:55:55.200 --> 01:56:03.040 to like, say, Lord, like, I need you to help me with this supernaturally to give me revelation 1913 01:56:03.040 --> 01:56:10.240 on this because he knows what we like, he knows the why behind the what. Okay. So he knows the 1914 01:56:10.240 --> 01:56:20.320 why behind the, the lie, something is wrong with me. He can reveal that to you. Okay. And then also 1915 01:56:20.320 --> 01:56:30.560 on the, I feel like on the heart on yourself and other people, as you work on the forgiveness 1916 01:56:30.560 --> 01:56:40.800 prayer sheets, I really want to encourage you to go to the original, like the dad taking the 1917 01:56:40.800 --> 01:56:50.640 house from you, man, that is huge. Yeah. I'm still upset. Yeah. I mean, even hearing that myself, 1918 01:56:50.640 --> 01:56:55.360 I just can't imagine. And I'm so sorry that that happens to you and your family. 1919 01:56:56.080 --> 01:57:01.760 But forgiving him, even again, even if you've already done it, do a forgiveness prayer sheet 1920 01:57:01.760 --> 01:57:08.800 around that time. And I want you to ask the Lord to show you the feelings that you had when that 1921 01:57:08.800 --> 01:57:15.600 happened and identify them. And I want you to allow the Lord to help you like, 1922 01:57:17.680 --> 01:57:22.640 accept yourself even in that moment, no matter what the thing is. Okay. And that you wouldn't 1923 01:57:22.640 --> 01:57:28.160 shame it or push it away or like receive any guilt or condemnation for what you were feeling, 1924 01:57:28.880 --> 01:57:35.040 but then also inviting God to bring the truth into that situation as well. I feel like this 1925 01:57:35.040 --> 01:57:39.040 week is going to be focused on you inviting Jesus and God, the father to bring truth into 1926 01:57:39.040 --> 01:57:46.640 these situations. Yeah. You know, did you ever happen to talk to your dad about that situation 1927 01:57:46.640 --> 01:57:52.960 and like why he did that? No, that would be a good idea. And I, well, I might have a long, 1928 01:57:52.960 --> 01:57:56.960 long time ago. And I think he was just like, it's the only option I had, like, 1929 01:57:56.960 --> 01:58:03.200 which I like, I mean, he just wasn't great with finances at all. And like my, his brothers were 1930 01:58:03.200 --> 01:58:09.120 helping him financially and they didn't like my mom. So their ultimatum I'm sure was, you know, 1931 01:58:09.120 --> 01:58:13.520 if we're going to be helping you, he blames other people for everything though. So, 1932 01:58:13.520 --> 01:58:16.160 Oh, he hasn't taken responsibility is what I hear you saying. 1933 01:58:18.000 --> 01:58:23.200 Yeah. Both my parents don't usually. Okay. So that's something you're going to need to forgive 1934 01:58:23.200 --> 01:58:28.560 them for as well for that responsibility and owning, just like we talked to you all in here, 1935 01:58:28.560 --> 01:58:33.920 we have to own our side of the street ladies. Okay. So we can't make other people on their 1936 01:58:33.920 --> 01:58:38.480 side of the street, but we can forgive them for the times that they're, they haven't been willing 1937 01:58:38.480 --> 01:58:44.320 or they haven't been capable of it because when they're broken, they're not whole. So they, 1938 01:58:44.320 --> 01:58:49.760 they aren't going to do healthy things like take responsibility. Right. But let's forgive them. 1939 01:58:49.760 --> 01:58:54.080 It doesn't mean that we have to allow it to be okay. We're not saying, Hey, this is okay that 1940 01:58:54.080 --> 01:59:03.840 you did this, but we're saying, you know, I forgive you for selling the house and not protecting and 1941 01:59:03.840 --> 01:59:10.640 defending us. Yeah. Okay. Those are a couple of big things. So I'm going to leave you with that 1942 01:59:10.640 --> 01:59:15.200 and let's see how that goes this week. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it. You're welcome. 1943 01:59:15.200 --> 01:59:20.880 My pleasure. Hilda last but not least. I'm so excited to hear what you have to say. 1944 01:59:23.120 --> 01:59:31.120 Hi. Okay. So you have, you guys have all, by the time I got to this call, you guys have all kind of 1945 01:59:32.000 --> 01:59:38.880 helped me with what I was going to say. So thank you. So one of the things that you mentioned was 1946 01:59:38.880 --> 01:59:45.200 the thought control. I'm very sensitive to when I speak with someone, I kind of, 1947 01:59:45.920 --> 01:59:51.280 and I'm having a conversation, I kind of know when they're either struggling, like not struggling, 1948 01:59:51.280 --> 01:59:58.160 but that something's bothered them. I'm kind of sensitive to that. And when I, when I pointed out, 1949 02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:22.000 Then they, they get offended offensive. And then I can't go deeper in a, in a good like it's hard for me to have good friendships, like I can't, I can't like even count, like how many times I've been in a situation where I was just being 1950 02:00:22.000 --> 02:00:37.000 authentic. I was just being genuine. I was just trying to have a healthy relationship conversation. And based on what the topic was and so on, and then the person would just completely get offended so now that's in my mind. 1951 02:00:37.000 --> 02:00:47.000 Every time I go to speak. And of course we need to listen more be more an active listener and I am I've done tremendous amount of work on communications. 1952 02:00:47.000 --> 02:00:59.000 The Lord has revealed to me but I still have that lack of confidence and kind of like, you know, start talking to myself like, you know, you know, every time there's a birthday. 1953 02:00:59.000 --> 02:01:06.000 I don't really have genuine relationships like, oh my gosh, God, years have passed by. 1954 02:01:06.000 --> 02:01:19.000 And I don't really have people that I can actually call friends. Okay, so I'm like, Okay, I know I've been like concentrating in work and building a business and my children and so many things that happened in the past couple of years. 1955 02:01:20.000 --> 02:01:37.000 It's, it's very lonely when your birthday comes and you're like, I can't invite like, like, two or three girls or whatever to do so I don't have I've never been able to just recently I had had to break away from a relationship from a girl. 1956 02:01:38.000 --> 02:01:52.000 She was from church, and we just don't click, we tried I came back again and one of the things that happened was that exactly that same thing that when I'm having a, I had a conversation with her, and she was pointing out that you know that her son that she 1957 02:01:52.000 --> 02:02:05.000 had some thoughts of her son and something came on the radio was a Christian channel so well maybe the Lord is reflecting, and I said it in such a way in a voice that wasn't like I wasn't like, you know, preaching or anything I try to make sure not I'm not 1958 02:02:06.000 --> 02:02:18.000 preaching so I'm not hurting anybody's feelings so I said to her. I said well maybe the Lord, you know, based on what I learned from here I said maybe the Lord's trying to, you know, talk to you about something there so just kind of open up and what happened 1959 02:02:19.000 --> 02:02:26.000 in that moment so I'm like trying to, you know, I'm talking and I'm really because I'm genuine about really caring for people like talking to people. 1960 02:02:26.000 --> 02:02:44.000 And then, then it turned around and it just the whole thing just went upside down, and it turned around back to me. Oh, when you did this and when you did that and it just the whole thing just went back I think what happened was when I told her to. 1961 02:02:45.000 --> 02:02:58.000 And I said well you know what, maybe this that you're thinking about your son. Maybe God is just telling you maybe not to worry so much maybe just maybe take those thoughts captive and trust in the Lord, you know all that. 1962 02:02:58.000 --> 02:03:12.000 And so I started talking to her like that and then I said, I just, you know, there's something in my heart that I've been wanting to tell you and that's that I've noticed that when I have gone to your house a couple times you've been very like, you know, like, always 1963 02:03:12.000 --> 02:03:22.000 trying to make sure everything is perfect and so worried and I just don't see you really relaxing and. And so this is my tonality. 1964 02:03:23.000 --> 02:03:35.000 She just turned it around and then just made it about the reflection was no longer her, it was me but yet when she speaks into me about something I'm open to it. 1965 02:03:35.000 --> 02:03:40.000 And I have a question for you. I have a question for you. 1966 02:03:40.000 --> 02:04:01.000 For the people that this happens with. Would you say that they all tend to be a similar type of person. Oh my goodness, yes, 100%. Yeah, and that you're attracting friends that are not can like just like we would coach you all in the next phases. 1967 02:04:02.000 --> 02:04:19.000 I would encourage God to highlight people for you that have a spiritual DNA similar to you so that you pair well with them. I'm going to encourage you to start praying that regarding friendships, because I think what's happening, a couple things. 1968 02:04:19.000 --> 02:04:33.000 I would encourage people that are not in the same spiritual DNA doesn't mean that you're better than them. It just means like you're saying, I let them speak into my life but they're not willing to let me speak into their life. 1969 02:04:34.000 --> 02:04:49.000 Yeah, so a couple things too. And I don't know how long you were friends with this woman but this is something I wrote down as you were talking, ladies, sometimes we don't have enough equity in a relationship to say the things that we're saying. 1970 02:04:49.000 --> 02:05:00.000 Okay. And it doesn't mean that's the case here. I'm just saying in general, that we would be in prayer about okay does this like, does this relationship. 1971 02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:06.760 have enough foundation. Is there enough trust equity between us for me to say the thing 1972 02:05:06.760 --> 02:05:12.160 that I feel like I I'm about to say here. Okay. Um, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't 1973 02:05:12.160 --> 02:05:17.480 have said that or asked her those things. It sounds like, you know, she went on the 1974 02:05:17.480 --> 02:05:22.960 defense right away. And that's why I asked you, you know, are these kind of similar people? 1975 02:05:22.960 --> 02:05:29.080 So I wanted you to start praying, you kinds of friends that God would lead you to friendships 1976 02:05:29.080 --> 02:05:34.480 that where you all can both give and take, okay. And that you can receive well from each 1977 02:05:34.480 --> 02:05:41.680 other and that God would bless you with that. And then the other thing is, um, and again, 1978 02:05:41.680 --> 02:05:46.160 I don't think that you, I, it didn't sound like you said anything that was like massively 1979 02:05:46.160 --> 02:05:50.120 like, Oh, you shouldn't have said that. But I'm saying this for everyone's benefit. Cause 1980 02:05:50.120 --> 02:05:55.940 I've learned the hard way. So, you know, going through hard work, man, I wanted everybody 1981 02:05:55.940 --> 02:06:01.700 else to be healed too. And so without realizing it, I was like heartwarming everybody without 1982 02:06:01.700 --> 02:06:09.220 their permission. You all, not everybody wants to be heartworked. They don't. And so we have 1983 02:06:09.220 --> 02:06:16.860 to be really careful that, you know, we are getting someone's permission to speak into 1984 02:06:16.860 --> 02:06:24.660 their life. And just like, honestly, for me, I want someone to ask my permission to, I 1985 02:06:24.660 --> 02:06:28.740 don't want just someone like I, I told this story a couple of weeks ago, this woman said 1986 02:06:28.740 --> 02:06:33.940 something to me. She didn't mean harm by it, but she, she said, you're not living into 1987 02:06:33.940 --> 02:06:38.820 like the fullness of like, basically the calling God has for you. You missed your calling. 1988 02:06:38.820 --> 02:06:43.900 That's what she said to me. I think you've missed your calling. Whoa, back that up. I 1989 02:06:43.900 --> 02:06:48.660 didn't do that to her, but in my spirit, I'm like, absolutely not. That is not from the 1990 02:06:48.660 --> 02:06:54.820 Lord. I know why she was saying that I am called to preach too. I preach when I feel 1991 02:06:54.820 --> 02:06:59.540 like God is giving me the opportunity right now. If one day God calls me to preach all 1992 02:06:59.540 --> 02:07:04.340 the time that I will, but I'm doing coaching and I love it. I know I'm anointed to do this 1993 02:07:04.340 --> 02:07:08.500 God's grace and his favors on me. And so I don't have to receive that from somebody, 1994 02:07:08.500 --> 02:07:17.860 but so often people will say things without even like asking, Hey, or like check in that 1995 02:07:17.860 --> 02:07:21.700 with the Lord. And again, not that that's what you were doing, but that we would always 1996 02:07:21.700 --> 02:07:27.220 just be kind of more cautious because the words that we speak are bringing life or death, 1997 02:07:27.220 --> 02:07:31.300 same thing from those other people. So in this situation that you're talking about, 1998 02:07:31.300 --> 02:07:36.420 it sounds like in friendships and male relationships, you're attracting people 1999 02:07:36.420 --> 02:07:42.740 that you're not equally yoked with. Does that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense. 2000 02:07:43.380 --> 02:07:50.020 And I can make, I can get deeper conversations at a hall at a, at a, at, at Walmart with somebody 2001 02:07:50.020 --> 02:07:56.180 like running, buying shampoo, then people that I actually know for a while, because these people 2002 02:07:56.180 --> 02:08:00.900 I've known for three, four or five years, they're not just random people. I decided, Hey, 2003 02:08:01.700 --> 02:08:06.340 you're not, you know, but you know, it's like something, cause I, I just, I observed something 2004 02:08:06.340 --> 02:08:10.660 and I, sometimes I talk to myself, I said, Lord, why did you give me that sensitivity? 2005 02:08:10.660 --> 02:08:14.660 I'm trying to shut up. I want to shut up. I want to shine the people with some people 2006 02:08:14.660 --> 02:08:19.540 receive it well. And they say, thank you. And some people are like, no, thank you. 2007 02:08:20.260 --> 02:08:26.100 I don't think it's always. Okay. So here's the thing. Yes. I think it would be really good for 2008 02:08:26.100 --> 02:08:31.300 us to all. And I pray this a lot. God, give me discernment to know when I should speak and when 2009 02:08:31.300 --> 02:08:35.860 I shouldn't, but here's the other thing. I just heard the Lord say jealousy here too. So I think 2010 02:08:35.860 --> 02:08:42.180 what's going on is there's some jealousy in that dynamic with that friend. And I would just 2011 02:08:42.180 --> 02:08:50.020 encourage you to forgive her, come out of agreement with, you said I've never been able to, but then 2012 02:08:50.020 --> 02:08:55.780 you didn't finish the sentence, but I think it's okay. And you don't have to, but I want to 2013 02:08:55.780 --> 02:09:01.300 encourage you to come out of agreement and alignment with the statement. I've never been able 2014 02:09:01.300 --> 02:09:08.020 to whatever that, the end of that statement is a long-term relationships with friends that are 2015 02:09:08.020 --> 02:09:15.620 like, well, no, um, friendships that I can. Yeah. Like real, real friendships. That's like real. 2016 02:09:15.620 --> 02:09:22.180 Yeah. That goes back and forth with that lie. Cause that's the enemy lying to you. And even 2017 02:09:22.180 --> 02:09:26.420 though it has been hard and you've encountered this more than once, it's no different in my 2018 02:09:26.420 --> 02:09:31.780 mind. I was married before I went through divorce that didn't go well. I dated another guy. He was 2019 02:09:31.780 --> 02:09:38.900 an addict and drink like, like closet alcoholic. You all is so bad. And then I dated the girl's dad, 2020 02:09:38.900 --> 02:09:45.300 three guys in a row, bad, bad, bad. Okay. But if I would have just partnered with, 2021 02:09:45.860 --> 02:09:51.220 I'm never like, I was starting to believe my picker was broken. I said that to a counselor 2022 02:09:51.220 --> 02:09:54.660 because she asked me, why do you feel like you need to come in? I think my pickers broken. 2023 02:09:54.660 --> 02:09:58.980 I started healing. I went there, did the work. I came into heart work. I did other things. 2024 02:09:58.980 --> 02:09:59.860 Here's why I'm saying. 2025 02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:04.800 this. If I agreed with it and partnered with, I'm never going to get this right. 2026 02:10:05.760 --> 02:10:11.840 I can't ever attract anybody good. I can't pick good people. Then, then I think I would have, 2027 02:10:12.400 --> 02:10:15.600 things would have turned out way differently. But when I started partnering with God, 2028 02:10:15.600 --> 02:10:21.120 thank you for healing me. God, thank you for growing me and helping me recognize when there's 2029 02:10:21.120 --> 02:10:28.880 red flags, even in friendship. I tended to attract people that operated in narcissistic 2030 02:10:28.880 --> 02:10:36.480 tendencies and sociopathic stuff, men and women. Do you know, literally God pruned three 2031 02:10:36.480 --> 02:10:41.280 friendships out of my life because they also operated in those similar things. 2032 02:10:42.160 --> 02:10:50.160 I'm a big giver. I tend to attract takers in the past. Now I'm learning that if they come my way, 2033 02:10:50.720 --> 02:10:57.440 I don't got to let them in here. I've learned how to have a gate when I need to have a gate 2034 02:10:58.160 --> 02:11:04.080 and to have a doorway when I need to have a doorway. So you all get to choose as well. 2035 02:11:04.080 --> 02:11:08.320 And so I want to encourage you pray for those friendships, come out of agreement with that lie, 2036 02:11:08.320 --> 02:11:14.720 you know, forgive that, that woman for reacting instead of responding in love and just believe 2037 02:11:14.720 --> 02:11:18.880 that God has better for you in the days ahead. And I'm not trying to minimize it because that's hard. 2038 02:11:18.880 --> 02:11:22.240 It's hard when we go through stuff like that, but I do think that God's going to help you. 2039 02:11:23.040 --> 02:11:26.320 It sounds like you have a genuine heart to love and to help people. 2040 02:11:27.120 --> 02:11:32.080 And, uh, I think God's going to honor that. So just keep moving forward. Keep believing 2041 02:11:32.080 --> 02:11:36.080 for something to be different in the days ahead. I'm going to go ahead and pray us out ladies. 2042 02:11:36.080 --> 02:11:40.640 We're at 10 11. I got to close this out. This has been such a great night. I hope you all are 2043 02:11:40.640 --> 02:11:47.040 continuing to learn a lot. Remember to come in the group, share with us what, what God is saying to 2044 02:11:47.040 --> 02:11:51.840 you and let us communicate with you there as well. Father, thank you so much for all the healing 2045 02:11:51.840 --> 02:11:58.240 that's happening tonight. God, we thank you for all the ladies, the, the, um, connections divinely 2046 02:11:58.240 --> 02:12:02.480 that you're making in their hearts, their minds, their bodies, their spirits, their souls, that you 2047 02:12:02.480 --> 02:12:06.880 would help them to hear clearly what your spirit is saying, God, we just ask you to place the balm 2048 02:12:06.880 --> 02:12:13.040 of Gilead upon every wound and that you would just, um, yes, Lord, just comfort them and, 2049 02:12:13.040 --> 02:12:18.880 and rub the salve of your healing waters and your healing anointing upon them. 2050 02:12:18.880 --> 02:12:24.000 God, that you would transform them by the renewing of their minds, that all old things have passed 2051 02:12:24.000 --> 02:12:28.880 away and behold, everything is becoming new in you. God, we thank you that you are doing a new 2052 02:12:28.880 --> 02:12:34.000 thing in our lives that you would ask us, can we perceive it? God, you're bringing the streams in 2053 02:12:34.000 --> 02:12:38.800 the, in the desert places and the rivers and where there's been a wasteland, God, that there's nothing 2054 02:12:38.800 --> 02:12:44.240 dead when you're around. So Lord help us to receive your love and to walk in that more every single 2055 02:12:44.240 --> 02:12:49.120 day. And we just thank you and praise you for all the wins that we've already experienced. Help us 2056 02:12:49.120 --> 02:12:56.160 to celebrate our wins and to receive all the good that you have for us in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Amen. 2057 02:12:56.160 --> 02:13:01.920 God bless you all. I'll see you all in the group. Have a good night, everyone. Bye-bye.