WEBVTT

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Hi everyone, welcome.

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Happy Monday, everyone.

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We're back for another round of heart healing.

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I'm so glad to have you joining us.

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If you're joining us for the first time, you've never been here for a live session before,

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would love for you to let us know in the chat that you are new here.

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We want to welcome you.

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Sorry, you all had a little thing come up saying that note-taking was on.

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I was just making sure that turned off.

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Sometimes this AI stuff, I love it.

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Sometimes we just got to make sure it all gets turned off, but welcome.

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For those of you joining us again, you've been here before, welcome back.

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We're so glad that you're here, not only as a part of the heart work,

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but a part of the community and what God is doing in this season and the ways that

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he is raising up kingdom families and marriages for such a time as this.

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Kathleen and Taylor, welcome for your first time.

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So glad to have you all joining us.

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My name is Bethany Cooper.

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I'm one of the master heart work coaches in the community.

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We also have Annette Lewis here with us tonight.

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She is one of our peer coaches.

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Sometimes y'all see her commenting as well, or Andrea.

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They're both peer coaches and have done a fabulous job.

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So they are joining us tonight and so glad to have her.

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A couple of housekeeping things.

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I don't know if you all know this, especially for our new ladies, just a heads up.

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We don't allow any outside content into our group.

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So when I say that, what I mean is post or content or devotions that are created by

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individuals, businesses, and ministries outside of last year single.

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And the reason we do that is that some things seem like, okay, that's simple.

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I could read that real quick and myself or the coaches and we could approve it.

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But the reality is a lot of times, even when people share sermons,

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we would have to sit and listen to the whole sermon in order to keep that on our page.

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And we just don't have the capacity to do that.

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And so we just keep that guardrail across the board.

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So even on devotions or anything like that, that comes from an outside source,

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that's not last year single.

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If you all have posted that no one's in trouble or anything,

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because a lot of times people just don't know that.

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But I did want to let you all know, if you put something up in the last week

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that had something like a sermon attached to it, it's always this catch 22 for me,

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because some of y'all even share some really heartfelt things.

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Like this is what this sermon said to me.

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And there's no way for me to reach out to you directly and say,

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hey, I have to take this down.

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This is why.

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But I did want to let you know, it is nothing personal.

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And if you would like to repost what you did without the attachment,

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you can absolutely do so.

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And we can leave that up in the group.

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So I did want to let everybody know that.

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Also, a couple other things really quick for our new ladies joining us.

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Best practice is to press pause on dating,

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trying to meet guys while you're here in the heartwork.

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And distractions are going to come,

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and the enemy is going to try to bring guys your way and all of the things.

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And we want to encourage you just to stay really focused.

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I'm going to talk about distraction and more here in just a little bit.

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So another housekeeping item I have for you all,

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and I want to start by saying grace upon grace upon grace.

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In the heartwork process, it's really important for y'all to extend

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race to yourself and even beyond the heartwork process.

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Has anyone ever felt like the Lord's just like,

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hey, daughter, why are you being so hard on yourself?

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Why are you being so harsh and mean when you're thinking things?

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And so I want to encourage you all just be really cautious

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of how you're speaking to yourself,

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how you're treating yourself all of the time.

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But especially in the heartwork, you want to work on self-care.

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So breathing, eating really healthy, moving your bodies,

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drinking a lot of water, getting plenty of rest.

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I was telling the afternoon group, I went on Friday.

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We are getting massages, my husband and I, every month,

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once a month now to help us process stress and relax.

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And y'all, I love it.

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But this last time I went and I loved it too,

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but I had what is called enhanced muscle therapy.

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I don't know if y'all have ever done that.

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It was painfully good.

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But you know, what's interesting is later that day,

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I started feeling some kind of way.

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I was like, what's going on with me?

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And I'm like really irritated by everything my husband is saying.

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And that's not normal for me.

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We get along really great.

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And I just started really kind of assessing

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because I was feeling angry, agitated, and just frustrated.

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And then it dawned on me like, oh, I have.

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the deep muscle, you know, massage.

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And the reason I'm mentioning this to you

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is that you are in the heart work process

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and God is going to be massaging your heart

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during this time.

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And I just want you to know one of the things

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that when I looked up kind of like, oh yeah,

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I know kind of, I kind of understand what's happening

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when kind of those light bulbs started going off.

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But I just looked up like, what are some good things to do

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to get this toxins out of my body

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so I can kind of come through this?

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And one of the things y'all had said

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was to not judge yourself for what you're feeling.

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And so I just wanted, for whoever that's for tonight,

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I just wanted you to know some of what's gonna come up

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when you're in the heart work.

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You're gonna feel tempted to judge yourself

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and be harsh with yourself in this process.

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I wanna encourage you to come out of alignment

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with those mindsets or behaviors or thought patterns

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and extend grace to yourself in this process.

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All right, so I'm gonna pass it over to Nat.

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She's gonna do another housekeeping for us item

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and pray us in.

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Okay, hello everyone.

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Glad to be here with you this evening again.

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Like Bethany was talking about giving yourself grace

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and space and opportunity when God's massaging you.

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Jackie's Supernatural Saturday actually talked about that

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because it's really important to give yourself time

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to process if you're just running from one thing

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to the next, one thing to the next.

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It's you really need the quiet and the space

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and the self-care time to be able to reflect

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and slow down and hear Holy Spirit.

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And that's what Supernatural Saturday was on

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is just preparing yourself to have the capacity

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for all that God wants to give you.

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I know it spoke to me and was a real blessing.

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If you can't be there on Saturday mornings,

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be sure to listen to the replay

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and we will look forward to seeing you all there

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and hope you're continued to be blessed by the time.

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Okay, I'm gonna pray us in

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and we'll go ahead and get started.

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Heavenly Father, thank you for the privilege

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that we have to be gathered together tonight

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to learn and to grow.

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I pray Holy Spirit that you would open our hearts

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and our minds and our eyes to all that you have for us,

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all that you're trying to speak in us and through us

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that we would give ourselves grace

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because you give us grace every day, Lord God,

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and you help us in our time of need.

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So tonight, especially, open the doors of our hearts,

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help us to surrender control to you

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and to walk in alignment and agreement

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with all that you're trying to teach us

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and to give ourselves the opportunity to learn and grow

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and be healed and transform our hearts

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into the women of God that you have called us to be.

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Bless Bethany tonight as she speaks, speak through her,

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and I pray that your Holy Spirit would be upon her

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as she shares.

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In your name I pray, amen.

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Amen, amen.

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Y'all, this afternoon I was,

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before we go into our content,

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something that I just felt led to share with you,

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this really resonated for me

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and I think it will also prepare us,

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you know, not just for the whole heartwork journey

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but for what God has for us tonight with the content.

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I want you to be thinking about

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what has your attention been on, even today?

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And when I say that, I want you to be thinking about,

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like, where has your mind gone today?

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Was it somewhere that was life-giving

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or was it somewhere that was life-taking

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in your thought processes, okay?

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And I wanna talk about our attention versus distraction.

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As I was reading this afternoon,

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just some things the Holy Spirit was saying to me

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through some of what I was reading

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was just this reminder that as God is working in us,

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you guys will know this,

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the enemy's always trying to oppose

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everything that God is doing, okay?

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So that's the simplified version

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of what I'm gonna talk to you about for a few minutes.

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But the other side of this

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is the enemy is always wanting to pull our attention away

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from faith and away from what God is doing

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and put our attention onto what he's doing, okay?

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Or what he's trying to do.

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We know the Bible says that he roams around

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like a roaring lion.

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Y'all, he's not the lion of the tribe of Judah.

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There's one lion of the tribe of Judah

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and that's the God that we serve.

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He's the one that has all authority,

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that's already won the victory through Jesus Christ's coming.

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The victory is already won for you

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to step into everything that God has for you.

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And I know that can be really hard for us to comprehend

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sometimes because we feel things in the physical realm

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and we have thoughts that tell us

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that the promises of God aren't going to come for us.

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Isn't that right?

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this truth? The enemy is always opposing what God is doing in your life. So our attention is one of

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the greatest commodities that the enemy is after. That's why it's really important for us to get a

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hold of our thoughts. Remember, we talked a couple weeks ago, if you're brand new, you'll hear me

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talk about this again in a few weeks and I'll talk about it pretty much every week because it's that

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important that we get a hold of our minds. You know, I shared that story about the massage as

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well. Here's why, because my husband wasn't saying or doing it. He got, he got a massage that day

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too. So we were both kind of edgy. And I even said to him, we were on our way to a date night after,

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you know, a little while later. And I said, did you feel any of these things happening to you

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just because I wanted to see, was this just me or did he experience? Anyways,

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you know, it takes a lot of self-awareness to pause and really recognize like I'm feeling some

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kind of way and this isn't my normal self. So what's going on here, Lord, to just pause and

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ask God really good questions. So I want to encourage you all in your day to day, even long

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beyond when you're in the heartwork course, I want you to really dial in to who are you,

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what is God doing in you? And when something is different, when it's not in alignment with that,

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like who God called you to be, the promises, the blessings, and it's assaulting that other,

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like it's assaulting the promise. It's assaulting your peace. Cause that's what

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was happening that night. My literal flesh was trying to tell me I wasn't safe.

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But that wasn't true. But what was happening is weeks and months of stress were getting pushed

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out of me through that massage. And they were getting pushed out of my muscles and all the

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things. Some of you all have had trauma stored in yourselves for quite some time. Okay. So when

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that's coming out and you're processing, some of you are going to feel like crying and you won't

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know why. That's how I felt that night. Like I literally like felt like the little girl on the

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inside of me was like, I just want to cry. And I just don't know why. And I just like,

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that is legitimately how I felt on the inside. And so I want you to understand that these things

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happen. They are normal. There's nothing wrong with you. Some of you are going to feel numb.

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You're going to feel that self-preservation technique of numbing. You're gonna feel that

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up. Well, why? Well, because somewhere along the way, when you were younger,

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that was a coping mechanism that you learned to protect yourself from something that felt hard

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or confusing, or, you know, you name it, whatever you felt when you were younger.

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So either way, I want to encourage you, if you feel numb, that you really start asking the word,

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when is the first time I started numbing as a behavior to protect myself and allow God to come

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in and heal those areas and to let the rivers flow ladies. Okay. If you feel like crying,

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when you can, obviously I'm not saying just break down everywhere you go. If you're at work,

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you know, we want to try our best to keep it together, but here's this thing. Some of you

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have heard that your entire life, it's not safe to cry. It's not safe to show your emotion. It's,

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if you do, you feel like you need to hide afterwards because you just let too much out.

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You let people see the real you. Some of you Nadine wrote in the group, like when she feels bubbly and

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talks and shares, the enemy tries to tell her that that's not accepted, that that's not loved.

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And so the isolation kind of kicks in for her from that. So whichever way it is for you,

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through this, that you would hopefully learn how to step further into who God originally created

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you to be. So back to my original question, where has your attention been in the last day,

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the last few days? Has your attention been on faith and the promises that God has given you on

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like being focused on those things, not obsessed with them, but just focused on your heart work,

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on what God's doing in you, on the winds that he's creating in your life, or has your mind wandered

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to all the things that have not happened yet for you, the distractions, the disruptions, fear,

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panic, anxiety. So I want you just to kind of come out of that tonight a little bit more.

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And we're going to start talking about submission. And I do, we do have some app things

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going on. Y'all, we have a solution that we're going to announce next Monday. Okay. So I know

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notifications haven't been happening. I see some chat happening and I just want to make to

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comment on that so we can all.

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lean into where we're going to go next. We're taking care of that the best that we can,

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our developers looking into those problems, ladies. But we also have a new solution that

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we will announce next week when we're ready. Okay, so just pray for us, pray for our developer,

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pray for all these tech kinks. If your post or your comment has not been responded to yet,

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it is probably because our team, we're just not seeing everything. I've been in there answering

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a lot of people. I had nothing left in my queue. So I see some people saying they didn't get a

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comment back. So we'll get to it and hopefully we'll see that. Pray that God just brings your

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post to the top and that wherever it's at hiding right now, that God just brings it out of hiding

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just like we're asking for revealings for healing. Do y'all believe this stuff can happen? I believe

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God can do it. So let's partner with that. And we're going to start talking about submission

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tonight. This isn't a word that a lot of people love to talk about. Some people are fine with

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submission. And if that's you, that's amazing. And I hope we hear from you tonight as well.

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But there are a lot of people that have heard and learned a lot of really unhealthy things

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about submission. And so we're going to debunk some things tonight. And we're going to also

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really try to lean into helping you all heal from some of the things that you have learned

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that have harmed you in some way. We're going to start first though with who God is and who

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he is not. Okay. So I'm going to start with who he is not first. God will not trespass.

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God will not trespass. He must be permitted to enter. Now you're like, well, wait, this is God.

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He can do anything he wants. He's mighty. He's, you know, yes, he is all those things,

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but we know that the word declares that we have to open our hearts to Jesus. We have to accept

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him as our Lord and savior. We have to receive him. And that's when he enters our heart and our life.

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The Bible we're going to talk about a little bit later also declares that God stands at the door

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of our hearts and he knocks. And then if we enter, then he comes in. So for those of you

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that might feel like God is trying to impose or force his agenda on you, some of you are terrified

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that he's going to ask you to marry someone that you don't even think is attractive. You have

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nothing in common with them. He's just going to force you to do this. No, no. That isn't how it

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is. He's going to force you in this process to surrender your list. Because some of y'all have

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a big old long list that God never intended for you to have. And some of you have a list that's

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been created out of trauma and trying to protect yourself from getting hurt or staying away from

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something you think harmed you before. And so you, you're like, I'm never dating anybody.

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You know, that's a police officer. Maybe your dad was a police officer. I'm never going to

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marry someone in ministry. Maybe you're a PK and that was really hard for you.

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Whatever it is, ladies, God will not trespass. He must be permitted to enter. God is a giver.

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And one of the most beautiful gifts that he has given to each one of us is free

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will and choice. You get to choose him. You get to live your life for him. He respects our

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boundaries and he is not going to force things upon you. Submission, unfortunately, a lot of

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religious men and women have weaponized this word for years and years and years. They portrayed

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their thoughts and messages as from God himself, but they have been misrepresenting God and his

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heart and his truth regarding what the word submit actually means. And you all, some of them

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think that they are saying the right thing, but they're taking things out of context.

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They're taking a verse or two and they're preaching on it. And dare I say, some of them, I try to

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tread lightly because, you know, we don't ever want to speak against God's anointed, but some

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of these people are maybe not even studying the depth of what these things are saying.

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So I don't want you to be afraid of being in churches around people or, but we need to be

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learning the word, reading the word. If you don't know how to study it,

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get with someone that can teach you how to actually study the word of God for yourself.

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The Bible says that we should rightly divide the word. Back in the day, no joke, you all,

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everything the pastor said, I believed it as gospel. What do I mean by that?

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I believed it to be true. If he said it, it was true. Now, I'm not saying that's the like, it's not bad to trust people. It's not bad to believe that God can use my pastor.

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Now my husband to preach a word in season to speak truth and and all this stuff to me, and that does happen most of the time.

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But way back years ago on occasion, and I love him and I adore my former pastor and I am not saying he was a bad pastor. He was a wonderful pastor, but there were times that some of the messaging that came through was religious and controlling and manipulative.

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Why and how can that happen? Well, anybody that has any kind of unhealed wound in their heart, guess what? All of us do this too. So let's not judge the pastors right now.

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Y'all know we all on at some point have misunderstood the word of God through our own wounds through our own filter system, and we've said something to someone that has misled them.

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We haven't intended to. But full confession back in the day, I mean, man, I just, yeah, I believed everything they said and I would convey that. And then the Lord started like, no, I didn't say that.

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And he started checking me and I started learning a little bit more about the father's heart and who the father is and what his love really looks like and what his love really sounds like. And, and you know what, it didn't always sound like what I was hearing.

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And so that's been the case for some of you. It's been the case for some of you where the things that you've heard, and even now, a couple of weeks ago, we had a lady, she might even already be in phase two by now, but, you know, we're in here trying to minister to you all as singles.

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We're trying to, you know, believe for you, poor hope. And we, I mean, this is stuff that Jackie spends a lot of time studying and looking into myself and like, we're literally looking and reading through this stuff. And I've even asked my husband about certain things, just again, because he comes with this, you know, theological background that brings a lot of value to some added areas.

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And, you know, she sat in her church and a chaplain delivered a message that was full of so much bondage that she left feeling so confused and disheartened and, and really didn't know if she even believed God had marriage for her anymore. And this is why she's in the heart work.

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So be careful what you're hearing. Be careful what you're seeing. Be careful. I'm not saying you can't listen to stuff, but especially during the heart work, you all, man, I'm telling you what, if this might sound a little like extreme, but I'm going to make a recommendation.

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While you're in the heart work. Now, if you're in a small group and you're doing a book study with them, okay, go ahead and do that. But I want to encourage you to just read your Bible, read the heart work book, and watch the heart work videos for right now. For five weeks. That you wouldn't have a lot of outside sources and things and people. And you all, that's hard on social media, isn't it? All these reels, all these people that got a word from the Lord for today.

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And I'm not saying it's that they're not. Cause here I am. I'm talking to you too. Right. But do we know their backgrounds?

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You know, do we know really what the source of information is that they're, that they're declaring? So let's, let's look into that. Not believing the worst in people, but let's just be cautious and wise about what we're hearing and taking in.

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All right. I'm going to keep going. The Holy spirit is going to be the one that's going to help you have discernment.

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About what God's truth is about submission, about all kinds of things more and more in the days to come. Some of you, the struggle is that you don't trust yourself.

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Because you made a mistake, maybe once, maybe twice in relationship, maybe three times. I don't know. Maybe you made mistakes about other things. And so the enemy is trying to tell you that you're not trustworthy. You can't trust yourself.

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And then what happens is these other people in our lives that have authority or some level of, you know, you know, maybe a boss, maybe a person in authority in a church, you know, maybe it was your dad. Some of you all as adult women, your parents rule your life.

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It's not healthy.

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Those things have to start to break and get into proper healthy alignment so that you can walk into freedom.

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The Holy Spirit's going to be your comforter, your counselor, your guide. He's going to be there for you.

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help you navigate this, but you have to be willing to allow God to heal all of these areas to reveal

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the things that are holding you back and keeping you stuck from moving forward. And some of those

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things are misconceptions and belief systems that we have about who God is. We believe a lot of lies

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about who God is. We're going to talk about a little bit who he really is here in a few moments.

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Colossians 3.21 says, Fathers, do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged.

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In the King James Version it says, Fathers, provoke not your children to anger

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lest they be discouraged. Provoke here in the Greek is to stir up, to excite, to stimulate,

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especially to anger, to provoke them. Lest they be discouraged in the Greek means to be disheartened,

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dispirited, broken in spirit to be dismayed. Have you ever felt disheartened, dispirited,

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broken in spirit or dismayed because of what someone said to you, over you, about you,

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someone that had authority on some level? I want you to be thinking tonight. I don't want us to

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stay here, but we need to go here tonight so that you can start to come out from more of this rubble

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that you've been living under, the things that are keeping you pressed down, and again, these

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religious mindsets and beliefs that God wants to bring you out of. We want to address the unhealthy

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experiences that you've had with fathers, exes, so your husbands, men in authority over you. Some of

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y'all are going to think of women in authority as well, and you can write those down, and you want

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to, because you need to explore those with the Lord as well. But I just felt impressed that we

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need to go after some wrong thought patterns about God as well as about men, because where we've been

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hurt, hurt in relationship, healed in relationship. Some of you all have been very hurt by your

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ex-husband, your wasband, and the authority that he was trying to assert over you that was not

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healthy, and this can be a boyfriend as well, you all. You don't have to be married for this to

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happen, okay? It could be a friend, like a friend that's a boy, or even some of you have friends

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that are girls that really try to assert and dominate you, and it's probably because that

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showed up with one of your parents or another guardian in your life at some point, or teacher.

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Again, this can be anyone that at any point had authority over you that mishandled it,

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okay? All right, and we're going to step a little bit into forgiveness tonight. Not only are we

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going to think about these people in these situations, but I'm encouraging you to then

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do forgiveness prayer sheets to process this stuff out, again, to come out of alignment

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agreement with things that are not true so that you can move forward. So these unhealthy actions,

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the words, the treatment, all of the things that were not intended for you long ago. All right,

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so as you're thinking about these people that have mistreated you, that have tried to make you submit,

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y'all, that's not God. God is not like that. Some of you are afraid, like you want a marriage,

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but you're really terrified that you're going to end up being a doormat for other people,

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and that's not what God wants you to go into a like relationship with that underlying fear.

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So let's look at where did that come from to begin with, and let's allow the Lord to come in and heal

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those areas so that you don't continue to subconsciously have that in you on the inside,

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because guess what? If it's in us, ladies, it's going on dates with us. It's going into that

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relationship with us, and now, obviously, there's no way for us to clear out every single thing

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we're ever going to need to clear out before you move into relationship, because sometimes, guess

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what? It's when you enter relationship that more things are revealed for healing, and not just that

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you move into engagement, and then there's more things revealed for healing and marriage and all

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of the things, but hey, won't it be great to go on dates and not have all this heavy baggage hanging

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around on your heart, and you can walk into those things more free and more light and receive

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everything that God has for you. So we want to grow in our understanding of God's character.

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That's going to be key. So who is God? What does the Bible say about who is God? I'm going to give

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you a couple, and I want to encourage you to...

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week to look into scripture for yourself about these things.

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God is love.

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God is kind.

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He's faithful.

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He's good.

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God is peace.

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For those of you that are needing peace in your life, really what you want to pray

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is God as peace, will you come into this situation, will you come into my heart in

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this area and, and bring yourself that's genuinely like, it's not, it's not God

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over here and peace over here.

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Like he is love.

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He is peace.

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He is like, these are who he is.

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So when we get to know him better, we can walk in these things ourselves.

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The word submission means to yield to the power of another yield is to let go in

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the process and learn how to trust God.

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How's that going for you ladies?

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Are you learning how to trust God?

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Are you learning how to let go and say, Lord, I just, I surrender this completely

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to you.

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I'm allowing all my do not enter signs.

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I'm taking those down because I don't have to protect and defend myself anymore.

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I never had to actually, but because of pain and trauma, I picked up the lie that I

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had to defend and protect myself because other people weren't going to do it for me.

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Be willing to submit to absolute and greater truth than what has happened in your life.

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Or even for some of you, what is happening right now, when we know K N O W, when we

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know the one we're submitting to and trust them, that is what can help us choose to

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submit to them.

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So who are we submitting to?

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First and foremost, ladies, we're submitting to God.

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Okay.

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That's the most important relationship.

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I know a lot of you, most of you came in here for the spirit mate.

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That's going to be the cherry on top.

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The more that you heal in your relationship with the Lord, the more you're going to be

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enabled to walk into a healthy relationship with another healthy person.

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If you're afraid of God and you don't really believe he's good, that is going to

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impact how you show up in the world in every interaction.

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Submission is not about someone dominating us ladies.

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It's not about someone controlling us or abusing us or us being a doormat.

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Submission is a mutual respect and surrender towards each other.

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So for example, this was a big deal.

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I've been in multiple abusive relationships.

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So before I was going to get married this time, 100%, y'all better believe I was

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having conversations with, with Brian.

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He's the only person that got this far with me, you know, in these conversations,

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what I mean, we're married now.

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If y'all don't know that for my new ladies, I'm September 4th is three years

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for us.

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But when we were dating, he was the only one that we got to that point that we were

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having conversations.

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And this is one of the things I asked him, what do you believe about submission?

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Now, I don't recommend talking about those things on first dates or any of that, but

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we, this was long into our dating relationship, but that was important to me.

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I wanted to know what his heart was about submission.

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What did he believe about it?

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Because I was not going to walk into another relationship where someone abused me,

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mistreated me, tried to push me down and oppress me with their words and their

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actions.

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I just wasn't going to do it.

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And so thankfully, praise the Lord.

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He had the same perspective that I did.

426
00:34:00.300 --> 00:34:01.660
And I still do.

427
00:34:01.680 --> 00:34:08.179
And together we can be a team because we both believe that submission is a mutual

428
00:34:08.179 --> 00:34:08.860
respect.

429
00:34:09.120 --> 00:34:11.040
We both respect each other.

430
00:34:11.120 --> 00:34:12.820
We both love each other.

431
00:34:13.000 --> 00:34:16.940
So when the Bible talks, you know, about the husband should love their wives as

432
00:34:16.940 --> 00:34:22.199
Christ loves the church, you know, and that wives should submit to and respect

433
00:34:22.199 --> 00:34:22.880
their husbands.

434
00:34:22.940 --> 00:34:27.280
Well, yes, of course it says that, but I believe it goes both ways.

435
00:34:27.340 --> 00:34:33.940
I don't think that God ever intended for, for men to be the only ones being

436
00:34:33.960 --> 00:34:34.540
respected.

437
00:34:36.500 --> 00:34:41.000
But ladies, there is something to say about the love aspect.

438
00:34:41.420 --> 00:34:48.920
You know, when we feel loved truly, genuinely, guess what comes out?

439
00:34:51.219 --> 00:34:51.219


440
00:34:52.840 --> 00:34:59.980
But sometimes we also believe lies still rooted in love.

441
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.700
in our hearts from our past.

442
00:35:02.060 --> 00:35:04.840
And even when that person is loving and kind,

443
00:35:04.860 --> 00:35:06.880
those little suckers start to rear their heads

444
00:35:06.880 --> 00:35:10.700
and we start to wait, I don't respect that decision.

445
00:35:10.900 --> 00:35:12.260
What they're doing is wrong.

446
00:35:12.380 --> 00:35:14.780
And then we get all some kind of way.

447
00:35:15.600 --> 00:35:19.160
And then we start talking really bad to the men.

448
00:35:19.940 --> 00:35:22.880
So let's just deal with this in our hearts now.

449
00:35:23.160 --> 00:35:24.840
And as we continue to go,

450
00:35:24.840 --> 00:35:26.660
so that we're not allowing bitterness

451
00:35:26.660 --> 00:35:29.800
to come up out of our hearts onto the men

452
00:35:30.140 --> 00:35:32.400
that God will bring into our lives.

453
00:35:32.720 --> 00:35:34.240
Revelation 3.20 says,

454
00:35:34.480 --> 00:35:36.040
behold, I stand at the door and knock.

455
00:35:36.420 --> 00:35:38.200
If anyone hears my voice and opens the door,

456
00:35:38.300 --> 00:35:41.660
I will come into him and eat with him and he with me.

457
00:35:41.760 --> 00:35:43.540
That's the scripture I was talking about earlier.

458
00:35:44.040 --> 00:35:47.420
Job 22.21 says, I'm sorry, I almost read the same scripture.

459
00:35:47.860 --> 00:35:51.140
Submit to God and you will have peace.

460
00:35:52.360 --> 00:35:54.260
Then things will go well with you.

461
00:35:55.020 --> 00:35:57.760
Y'all, peace here in this scripture in the Hebrews

462
00:35:57.920 --> 00:36:01.780
is actually to be in a covenant of peace,

463
00:36:02.280 --> 00:36:06.820
to complete, to finish, to make whole or good, to restore.

464
00:36:07.100 --> 00:36:09.820
So God is saying when we submit to him

465
00:36:10.160 --> 00:36:12.640
that we're gonna have a covenant of peace,

466
00:36:12.660 --> 00:36:15.200
that he's gonna complete the work of peace in us,

467
00:36:15.220 --> 00:36:16.500
that he's gonna finish it,

468
00:36:16.500 --> 00:36:18.520
he's gonna make us whole in peace.

469
00:36:19.500 --> 00:36:20.900
He's gonna make it good

470
00:36:20.900 --> 00:36:23.780
and he's gonna restore things in our lives.

471
00:36:25.380 --> 00:36:27.520
Isn't that kind of like,

472
00:36:27.700 --> 00:36:29.200
how many of us have actually paused

473
00:36:29.200 --> 00:36:31.540
and just thought about that regarding submission?

474
00:36:32.860 --> 00:36:34.960
Before I found that scripture, I didn't.

475
00:36:36.180 --> 00:36:38.640
So it was very enlightening for me.

476
00:36:38.980 --> 00:36:42.140
And then it says, then things will go well with you.

477
00:36:44.140 --> 00:36:47.000
So look at the things going on in your heart,

478
00:36:47.300 --> 00:36:49.160
be honest, just be fully honest,

479
00:36:49.160 --> 00:36:50.420
because God already knows.

480
00:36:50.760 --> 00:36:54.060
He already knows how you feel, how you think.

481
00:36:54.860 --> 00:36:59.800
And he's just asking you to just to be honest and open up

482
00:36:59.800 --> 00:37:01.540
and surrender that stuff out.

483
00:37:01.940 --> 00:37:04.240
Okay, Proverbs 3, 5 in the message verse,

484
00:37:04.740 --> 00:37:10.040
oh, Susan, that was Job 22, verse 21 in the NLT version.

485
00:37:11.300 --> 00:37:14.780
This next one is Proverbs 3, 5 in the message translation.

486
00:37:14.780 --> 00:37:16.880
It says, trust God from the bottom of your heart.

487
00:37:16.880 --> 00:37:19.180
Don't try to figure everything out on your own.

488
00:37:19.960 --> 00:37:22.480
Listen for God's voice in everything that you do,

489
00:37:23.040 --> 00:37:23.800
everywhere that you go.

490
00:37:23.940 --> 00:37:25.780
He's the one who will keep you on track.

491
00:37:26.540 --> 00:37:29.020
Don't assume that you know it all.

492
00:37:31.520 --> 00:37:34.660
For myself, that scripture helps me remember

493
00:37:35.120 --> 00:37:38.080
that even when I think I have all the answers,

494
00:37:38.200 --> 00:37:39.160
I just don't.

495
00:37:40.560 --> 00:37:41.680
I just don't.

496
00:37:41.820 --> 00:37:43.720
And God's ways are above mine

497
00:37:43.720 --> 00:37:45.500
and his thoughts are above mine.

498
00:37:45.500 --> 00:37:47.500
And I pray all the time,

499
00:37:47.700 --> 00:37:50.080
God, help me to have an eagle eye perspective,

500
00:37:50.220 --> 00:37:52.000
like the bird's eye view.

501
00:37:52.080 --> 00:37:56.520
Help take me up higher into your heavenly mindset

502
00:37:56.700 --> 00:37:59.440
and thoughts and help me to see what you see

503
00:37:59.920 --> 00:38:03.220
so that I can walk out your plan for my life.

504
00:38:03.620 --> 00:38:05.940
All right, I'm gonna have Annette share a little bit

505
00:38:05.940 --> 00:38:07.740
just some of the things we've been chatting about

506
00:38:07.740 --> 00:38:09.960
and how this kind of has been a part

507
00:38:09.960 --> 00:38:12.120
of what God's been doing in her as well.

508
00:38:12.880 --> 00:38:15.280
Thank you, Bethany.

509
00:38:17.300 --> 00:38:20.940
One of the biggest transformations that I had

510
00:38:20.940 --> 00:38:24.200
in my heart work is coming in,

511
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:27.460
I had done some counseling around,

512
00:38:27.820 --> 00:38:29.880
I was sexually abused by a babysitter

513
00:38:29.880 --> 00:38:31.720
and then by my father.

514
00:38:32.300 --> 00:38:35.920
And so, especially when I came into heart work,

515
00:38:36.120 --> 00:38:38.380
I would feel myself bristle

516
00:38:38.380 --> 00:38:42.100
when people talked about God being a loving father

517
00:38:42.820 --> 00:38:48.360
or he was your protector, he was looking out for you.

518
00:38:49.200 --> 00:38:54.140
And I had some resentment and some anger around,

519
00:38:54.640 --> 00:38:57.620
okay, so if that's true, where were you?

520
00:38:58.180 --> 00:39:03.920
Because like Bethany said with the verse in Proverbs 3, 5,

521
00:39:04.000 --> 00:39:07.060
like trust not, lean not on your own understanding

522
00:39:07.060 --> 00:39:10.500
because in my understanding, God should have shown up.

523
00:39:10.580 --> 00:39:11.780
He should have been there.

524
00:39:11.780 --> 00:39:12.940
He should have stopped it.

525
00:39:12.940 --> 00:39:14.400
He could have prevented it.

526
00:39:14.820 --> 00:39:16.500
And why didn't he?

527
00:39:16.940 --> 00:39:18.560
And now you want me to submit

528
00:39:18.560 --> 00:39:22.480
when you didn't do what I needed anyway.

529
00:39:23.160 --> 00:39:26.720
So I was very hesitant to fully surrender to God.

530
00:39:27.140 --> 00:39:28.280
You know, God's good.

531
00:39:28.680 --> 00:39:30.080
You know, he loves you.

532
00:39:30.080 --> 00:39:32.860
But trying to reconcile that on the other side

533
00:39:32.920 --> 00:39:35.880
with my experiences and things that happened,

534
00:39:37.280 --> 00:39:39.160
I did, I really struggled.

535
00:39:39.680 --> 00:39:41.420
But in my time in the heart work,

536
00:39:42.340 --> 00:39:47.400
what really transformed me was the closer I got

537
00:39:47.400 --> 00:39:51.260
to learning and understanding the heart of God

538
00:39:51.260 --> 00:39:52.820
and the character of God.

539
00:39:53.800 --> 00:39:59.980
He was just as hurt if not more so by the actions of others.

540
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:08.740
than I was. It wasn't his intention for me, but what I have learned and what I've really

541
00:40:08.960 --> 00:40:16.580
come and had a lot of freedom around is he does protect me. He is there. It doesn't mean

542
00:40:16.580 --> 00:40:22.040
that bad things aren't going to happen. There's not going to be disappointment. There's not

543
00:40:22.040 --> 00:40:31.180
going to be struggle. But if I look at him and keep him as my foundation and stand on

544
00:40:31.180 --> 00:40:35.820
the truths and the promises and to know that he's going to work all things for my good,

545
00:40:35.840 --> 00:40:42.400
he doesn't pick and choose. He promises that he'll work everything for my good because

546
00:40:42.400 --> 00:40:48.820
I do love him and I want to serve him. And I can see now as I've gone through that transformation,

547
00:40:48.820 --> 00:40:56.380
I have incredible freedom. I see God's hand every day in my life, giving me protection,

548
00:40:57.200 --> 00:41:03.980
giving me insight, giving me guidance because he loves me so much. And he's also helped me

549
00:41:04.180 --> 00:41:12.240
for truly forgive and to be able to, because along, I don't want to get lost in the details,

550
00:41:12.380 --> 00:41:18.460
but along with that, it was also with my mom because she knew about it. And so then when

551
00:41:18.460 --> 00:41:23.300
the anger and the resentment came up with her and not being protected there, I have been able

552
00:41:23.300 --> 00:41:31.300
to forgive both of them. I have a relationship with them and it's not that I feel warm butterflies,

553
00:41:32.340 --> 00:41:40.620
you know, but God helps me to love them. He strengthens me. He gives me opportunities where

554
00:41:40.620 --> 00:41:57.100
I can put love into action to them. And so let's see, I did some notes. One thing I'm

555
00:41:57.100 --> 00:42:05.540
really thankful for is I call God, my Abba father and my daddy. Now he's the one who's

556
00:42:05.540 --> 00:42:09.980
there for me since the beginning and who continues to be there for me every day.

557
00:42:10.620 --> 00:42:16.500
And that gives me a confidence that nobody else can give me.

558
00:42:19.400 --> 00:42:26.620
I love that. Thank you so much for sharing. I can remember when I first started making that

559
00:42:26.620 --> 00:42:34.880
transition to call him Abba and daddy too. He's my dad. Like he's, you know, no disrespect to my

560
00:42:34.880 --> 00:42:42.220
dad, but my dad was never in my life like ever. And man, all these years, God has been so faithful,

561
00:42:42.340 --> 00:42:48.800
even when I was faithless. And even when I was turning my back on him, you know years ago when

562
00:42:48.800 --> 00:42:54.560
I wasn't living for the Lord, but God will meet you ladies right where you're at. I want you to

563
00:42:54.560 --> 00:43:00.640
know that he understands why some of you don't think he's good. He does just like Annette said,

564
00:43:00.640 --> 00:43:07.020
like, you know, man, she had a lot of stuff in there that needed healing so that she could learn

565
00:43:07.020 --> 00:43:13.700
about who God really was to her and had always been. But the biggest thing that I want y'all

566
00:43:13.840 --> 00:43:19.500
to understand, we're going to get ready for breakouts here, is that it's always an invitation.

567
00:43:21.260 --> 00:43:28.260
Always. Okay. So God tonight, you're here, you're hearing this message. This is your invitation.

568
00:43:28.820 --> 00:43:35.960
This is your invitation to growing in your perspective of him and his heart towards you.

569
00:43:36.680 --> 00:43:43.400
If you believe he's a trickster, he's a liar, he's a cheater, that is getting projected onto him,

570
00:43:43.460 --> 00:43:47.640
most likely because of things you've been through. And so I want to encourage you to

571
00:43:47.640 --> 00:43:52.240
come out of alignment and agreement with those kinds of ideas and thoughts about who God is

572
00:43:52.800 --> 00:44:01.120
and that he is trustworthy. Now, some of you, it just takes time. It takes time and healing for you

573
00:44:01.460 --> 00:44:08.240
to believe, you know, that he is good and he is trustworthy. So just again, remember, we started

574
00:44:08.240 --> 00:44:14.840
with grace upon grace upon grace, right? So I want you to extend grace to yourselves in this process,

575
00:44:14.900 --> 00:44:20.220
even regarding learning how to trust the Lord. So your question tonight for your breakout session

576
00:44:20.220 --> 00:44:26.620
is, do you struggle with submission and why? And you can answer if you're someone who you just

577
00:44:26.620 --> 00:44:31.260
don't struggle with submission because you had great parents and they taught loving, that loving,

578
00:44:31.260 --> 00:44:36.880
mutual respect and honor in the home, then I would love for you to share about that too. But maybe

579
00:44:36.980 --> 00:44:44.540
you had an unhealthy dynamic or view of submission because of something that happened outside the

580
00:44:44.540 --> 00:44:48.900
home. Remember, we're looking at all the different things that we've been through in life where maybe

581
00:44:48.900 --> 00:44:56.540
somebody mishandled their authority and it caused you to not feel good regarding submission, okay?

582
00:44:57.240 --> 00:44:59.980
Totally fine for some of you that aren't able to join breakout.

583
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.400
And so what I'll do, ladies, if you go into a room and you're by yourself, hang on there,

584
00:45:05.500 --> 00:45:06.920
okay, because I'll move you around.

585
00:45:07.120 --> 00:45:10.200
So I'll probably invite you into a different room if I see you sitting there by yourself.

586
00:45:10.660 --> 00:45:14.960
But before you do that, I'm going to send you into the breakout room in a moment, but

587
00:45:14.960 --> 00:45:20.420
I want to read the submission activation prayer over you to kind of help prepare your hearts

588
00:45:20.420 --> 00:45:21.340
for this conversation.

589
00:45:21.440 --> 00:45:26.100
So I want to encourage you just to close your eyes and just allow yourself to receive this

590
00:45:26.180 --> 00:45:27.860
over yourself tonight.

591
00:45:29.320 --> 00:45:35.360
Father God, I give you permission to search me and to reveal anything in my heart that

592
00:45:35.360 --> 00:45:41.880
does not belong to my true identity and anything that is hindering me from living the life

593
00:45:41.880 --> 00:45:44.560
that you originally created me to live.

594
00:45:45.040 --> 00:45:48.540
Holy Spirit, I invite you into the darkest places in my heart.

595
00:45:49.340 --> 00:45:52.080
Show me the areas that are still wounded and are still hurting.

596
00:45:52.540 --> 00:45:57.260
When you reveal these broken places to me, I covenant with you to release them into your

597
00:45:57.260 --> 00:46:00.420
care and to respond with forgiveness and repentance.

598
00:46:01.360 --> 00:46:07.720
I set aside this season of my life for a time of healing and wholeness and ask Holy Spirit

599
00:46:07.720 --> 00:46:10.180
to take charge of this process.

600
00:46:10.640 --> 00:46:12.880
I ask that you dwell with me and in me.

601
00:46:13.340 --> 00:46:14.840
I need you.

602
00:46:15.240 --> 00:46:16.720
I cannot heal myself.

603
00:46:17.200 --> 00:46:20.940
I want to be free from the past, free to be who I truly am.

604
00:46:21.420 --> 00:46:24.900
Help me to become who you created me to be.

605
00:46:25.580 --> 00:46:30.800
Show me the lies I have believed about myself, my life, my surroundings, even the lies I

606
00:46:30.800 --> 00:46:32.420
have believed about you, God.

607
00:46:33.200 --> 00:46:34.280
Teach me the greater truth.

608
00:46:34.840 --> 00:46:35.580
Teach me your ways.

609
00:46:36.220 --> 00:46:39.340
Teach me how to think and how to live abundantly.

610
00:46:40.440 --> 00:46:43.860
Teach me, show me, heal me, grow me.

611
00:46:44.060 --> 00:46:47.760
In Jesus name, amen, amen, amen.

612
00:46:48.300 --> 00:46:48.680
All right.

613
00:46:48.780 --> 00:46:50.280
Let me get...

614
00:46:50.280 --> 00:46:51.140
Oh, I keep...

615
00:46:51.140 --> 00:46:53.480
We're losing some people probably because we're about to go into breakout.

616
00:46:53.480 --> 00:46:55.220
Sometimes people jump off for that.

617
00:46:55.340 --> 00:46:55.620
All right.

618
00:46:56.700 --> 00:46:58.340
We're going to do six minutes, ladies.

619
00:46:58.680 --> 00:47:00.120
So remember, short, brief, and powerful.

620
00:47:00.700 --> 00:47:02.120
Don't try to counsel or help each other.

621
00:47:02.500 --> 00:47:06.300
Remember, you just say to your sister after they share, thank you so much for trusting

622
00:47:06.300 --> 00:47:09.300
me with that part of your journey or your story, okay?

623
00:47:09.320 --> 00:47:12.640
And then you can go into sharing as well.

624
00:47:12.860 --> 00:47:13.360
All right.

625
00:47:13.480 --> 00:47:15.060
Go ahead and click to join those.

626
00:47:15.100 --> 00:47:19.060
And again, I'll move you around if need be, but go ahead and click to join those as quick

627
00:47:19.060 --> 00:47:19.620
as you can.

628
00:47:20.260 --> 00:47:21.740
Those are up there for you.

629
00:47:26.740 --> 00:47:33.820
As we get them situated for those that are not able to go into the breakout, I will be

630
00:47:33.820 --> 00:47:35.580
praying here in just a moment.

631
00:47:53.480 --> 00:47:56.960
I have a couple of people sitting by themselves, so give me a minute, ladies.

632
00:47:58.380 --> 00:48:00.040
That was 13.

633
00:48:00.040 --> 00:48:00.280
Okay.

634
00:48:16.720 --> 00:48:18.280
A lot of people dropping off.

635
00:48:18.440 --> 00:48:22.460
It makes it really hard sometimes to get everybody situated with somebody in their room.

636
00:48:32.220 --> 00:48:37.720
I think I have everybody.

637
00:48:38.160 --> 00:48:41.080
Laura, just please make sure nobody's sitting by themselves.

638
00:48:41.560 --> 00:48:43.520
Let me just do another quick check.

639
00:48:43.660 --> 00:48:45.860
Crystal asked if they could get a three-minute warning.

640
00:48:46.540 --> 00:48:48.320
Yeah, I don't know what she's asking that for.

641
00:48:48.320 --> 00:48:49.620
I don't know what that means.

642
00:48:54.240 --> 00:48:58.280
We'll ask her when she comes back, maybe at the end of the session.

643
00:48:58.540 --> 00:48:59.020
All right.

644
00:48:59.020 --> 00:49:00.440
I have a couple ladies with three.

645
00:49:00.740 --> 00:49:02.140
Gosh, there's a lot of people dropping out.

646
00:49:05.960 --> 00:49:06.700
All right.

647
00:49:06.700 --> 00:49:12.340
Father, we just ask you to just continue to work in all of these situations, Lord.

648
00:49:12.420 --> 00:49:15.560
We just thank you for revealings for healing that are happening.

649
00:49:16.460 --> 00:49:19.140
I just put four ladies together accidentally because of that.

650
00:49:22.600 --> 00:49:23.560
Sorry, Renee.

651
00:49:23.940 --> 00:49:24.560
Bless Renee, Lord.

652
00:49:24.680 --> 00:49:26.200
Give her patience in this process.

653
00:49:26.400 --> 00:49:28.540
Father, thanks so much for grace.

654
00:49:28.540 --> 00:49:31.300
Thank you for helping us to hear what your spirit is saying.

655
00:49:31.880 --> 00:49:37.020
God, we thank you for anointing our hearts and our minds to receive everything that you

656
00:49:37.020 --> 00:49:38.480
have for us, even right now.

657
00:49:39.340 --> 00:49:44.260
Lord, sometimes the tech is such a blessing, but, Lord, sometimes it can really cause

658
00:49:44.260 --> 00:49:48.340
stress or distraction, even what we were talking about earlier, to rise up in people.

659
00:49:49.320 --> 00:49:51.500
Other things in our lives can happen, Lord.

660
00:49:51.540 --> 00:49:54.360
It just makes me think of even this last weekend.

661
00:49:54.420 --> 00:49:56.420
It rained so much in Florida.

662
00:49:56.420 --> 00:49:58.840
Sunday morning, we're getting ready to leave for church.

663
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.720
was just flooding the patio.

664
00:50:01.800 --> 00:50:03.840
And I was panicked that it was gonna flood

665
00:50:03.960 --> 00:50:06.180
this current Airbnb that we're staying in.

666
00:50:06.240 --> 00:50:08.600
And I just felt like so nervous to even leave.

667
00:50:09.100 --> 00:50:11.100
And Lord, you just kept saying to trust you.

668
00:50:11.320 --> 00:50:13.780
So Lord, we just ask you to help every one of these ladies

669
00:50:14.380 --> 00:50:16.860
to let go of any anxious thoughts,

670
00:50:17.920 --> 00:50:20.760
any harmful things that they've been thinking about,

671
00:50:21.260 --> 00:50:23.520
stress of the day, stress of the world,

672
00:50:23.920 --> 00:50:26.240
God, that you would help them to fully surrender

673
00:50:26.340 --> 00:50:29.540
every aspect of their heart and their lives to you.

674
00:50:29.540 --> 00:50:32.740
God, we thank you that you're revealing areas for healing,

675
00:50:33.040 --> 00:50:36.840
that you're continuing to, yes, Lord,

676
00:50:37.760 --> 00:50:40.140
transform them in all of their minds

677
00:50:40.140 --> 00:50:43.880
by renewing their minds and helping them to partner

678
00:50:43.880 --> 00:50:46.080
with the truth of your word.

679
00:50:46.220 --> 00:50:48.760
God, we ask you to fan the flames of hunger and thirst

680
00:50:48.760 --> 00:50:51.140
for your righteousness, for your word within them.

681
00:50:51.480 --> 00:50:53.940
God, that you would help them to come away,

682
00:50:54.040 --> 00:50:57.040
to be set apart for your purposes, Lord,

683
00:50:57.040 --> 00:51:00.000
and that they would, yes, Lord,

684
00:51:00.180 --> 00:51:03.580
remember that they don't have to be on good behavior.

685
00:51:03.800 --> 00:51:07.500
This isn't about a momentary or even a short-term fix.

686
00:51:07.560 --> 00:51:10.380
This is about a long-term thing

687
00:51:10.380 --> 00:51:11.900
that you're wanting to do in us, God.

688
00:51:12.500 --> 00:51:14.780
So we thank you for the reminder tonight

689
00:51:14.780 --> 00:51:18.620
that you're changing us from glory to glory to glory.

690
00:51:18.660 --> 00:51:21.620
God, that you never stop, that you're always working.

691
00:51:22.380 --> 00:51:24.520
We thank you, Lord, for redeeming us,

692
00:51:24.520 --> 00:51:30.520
for reminding us, yes, Lord, that you call us by our name.

693
00:51:30.980 --> 00:51:33.760
God, I believe every one of these ladies

694
00:51:33.760 --> 00:51:37.720
have been given a name that really, Lord,

695
00:51:37.740 --> 00:51:40.940
is a part of your blessing and your call on their lives.

696
00:51:41.020 --> 00:51:43.880
I pray that you would help them to seek you

697
00:51:43.880 --> 00:51:47.760
about every aspect of this process that they're in, God,

698
00:51:47.760 --> 00:51:48.940
that they would not become weary

699
00:51:49.180 --> 00:51:51.920
and well-doing for in due season.

700
00:51:52.560 --> 00:51:54.700
They will reap if they don't faint,

701
00:51:54.760 --> 00:51:55.860
if they don't give up, Lord.

702
00:51:56.460 --> 00:51:58.720
And even as we were talking about earlier, Lord,

703
00:51:58.840 --> 00:52:01.620
that as we set our attention on your truth,

704
00:52:01.700 --> 00:52:03.780
on your goodness, you know, the Bible declares

705
00:52:04.340 --> 00:52:07.120
that we should think on things that are noble and true

706
00:52:07.120 --> 00:52:08.500
and lovely and of good report,

707
00:52:08.720 --> 00:52:10.460
things that are above only and not beneath.

708
00:52:10.860 --> 00:52:13.100
So, Lord, we thank you that you'll help us

709
00:52:13.460 --> 00:52:14.920
to have that mindset,

710
00:52:15.000 --> 00:52:16.900
that we would have the mind of Christ.

711
00:52:18.560 --> 00:52:20.980
Yes, Lord, we thank you that right now we just,

712
00:52:20.980 --> 00:52:23.900
Lord, we just shed scales off of our minds,

713
00:52:24.080 --> 00:52:24.880
off of our eyes,

714
00:52:25.040 --> 00:52:27.620
things that cause us to see ourselves and other people

715
00:52:27.780 --> 00:52:29.580
through incorrect lenses,

716
00:52:30.080 --> 00:52:33.400
life situations through lenses of pain and hurt.

717
00:52:35.800 --> 00:52:36.860
Thank you, Lord,

718
00:52:37.240 --> 00:52:39.640
that offense is an opportunity for an upgrade.

719
00:52:40.380 --> 00:52:44.740
We thank you, God, that you're continuing to just,

720
00:52:45.860 --> 00:52:48.880
Lord, remove the rough edges in us, Lord.

721
00:52:48.880 --> 00:52:51.580
We thank you that your word declares in Psalm 51

722
00:52:52.280 --> 00:52:54.920
that create in me a clean heart, oh God,

723
00:52:55.040 --> 00:52:57.920
and renew a steadfast spirit within us,

724
00:52:58.300 --> 00:53:00.840
that you would take your Holy Spirit from us.

725
00:53:01.400 --> 00:53:03.700
But Lord, I thank you that you would sustain us.

726
00:53:04.480 --> 00:53:08.380
I thank you for just transforming every aspect

727
00:53:08.380 --> 00:53:09.320
of who we are,

728
00:53:09.460 --> 00:53:13.320
that you are helping us to see a greater truth,

729
00:53:14.320 --> 00:53:18.180
to recognize who you are as God is love.

730
00:53:18.180 --> 00:53:19.060
You are love.

731
00:53:19.240 --> 00:53:20.620
You cannot deny yourself.

732
00:53:21.360 --> 00:53:25.860
We thank you that not height, nor depth,

733
00:53:25.920 --> 00:53:28.380
nor principality, nor power, nor things in the present,

734
00:53:28.480 --> 00:53:31.160
nor things to come can ever separate us

735
00:53:31.160 --> 00:53:33.120
from the love of God in Christ Jesus.

736
00:53:33.260 --> 00:53:34.320
So we thank you, Lord,

737
00:53:34.460 --> 00:53:36.780
that today we will partner with the truth

738
00:53:36.780 --> 00:53:39.100
that we can remain in your love,

739
00:53:39.120 --> 00:53:40.660
even when we make mistakes,

740
00:53:41.640 --> 00:53:43.720
even in marriage, when we make a mistake,

741
00:53:43.980 --> 00:53:45.240
Lord, that we can seek forgiveness

742
00:53:45.240 --> 00:53:48.420
and that both parties can be reconciled.

743
00:53:48.660 --> 00:53:50.620
So Lord, I just speak a spirit of reconciliation

744
00:53:50.620 --> 00:53:52.880
over every one of these ladies and their families,

745
00:53:53.500 --> 00:53:55.700
over their mindsets, their heart postures,

746
00:53:55.820 --> 00:53:57.200
the things that they've been through,

747
00:53:57.900 --> 00:53:58.920
Lord, and even tonight,

748
00:53:58.960 --> 00:54:00.840
as we're talking about submission, Lord,

749
00:54:00.960 --> 00:54:03.660
I pray that you would help us to be transformed

750
00:54:03.660 --> 00:54:05.860
in the way that we look at submission,

751
00:54:06.160 --> 00:54:08.080
God, that you would heal wounds of the past.

752
00:54:08.700 --> 00:54:10.760
And we thank you that you would invite us

753
00:54:10.760 --> 00:54:13.460
to come out of hiding in these dark places and spaces

754
00:54:13.460 --> 00:54:15.480
where we have resided at times,

755
00:54:15.840 --> 00:54:16.960
even within our own hearts,

756
00:54:18.020 --> 00:54:21.100
where people, some people have literally shut down aspects

757
00:54:21.100 --> 00:54:24.520
of themselves because of the abuse and the mistreatment

758
00:54:24.520 --> 00:54:25.300
that they've gone through.

759
00:54:25.500 --> 00:54:27.340
So Lord, thank you for waking us up.

760
00:54:29.000 --> 00:54:30.780
I read something this afternoon as well.

761
00:54:30.940 --> 00:54:32.380
It said, are you awake in the wake?

762
00:54:32.760 --> 00:54:34.780
Are you awake in the awakening?

763
00:54:35.320 --> 00:54:36.700
I thought, man, that's so good.

764
00:54:37.340 --> 00:54:39.760
So as God is awakening you,

765
00:54:40.400 --> 00:54:43.400
are you awake in the awakening?

766
00:54:44.200 --> 00:54:46.860
Are you fully attuned to what God is doing

767
00:54:46.860 --> 00:54:48.980
in your heart and life in this season and time?

768
00:54:50.220 --> 00:54:53.020
We encourage you just to continue to lean into that truth

769
00:54:53.020 --> 00:54:54.840
and see what God might wanna show you through it.

770
00:54:55.020 --> 00:54:55.840
Welcome back, ladies.

771
00:54:56.220 --> 00:54:57.500
So glad to have you back.

772
00:54:57.900 --> 00:54:59.900
We saw that someone was asking for a three-minute,

773
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.760
Morning. I think maybe you're asking before we come out of breakouts, but there's actually a 60 second warning.

774
00:55:07.060 --> 00:55:12.980
And I maybe can look into changing that to three minutes, but y'all go in there for six. So that's going to be kind of quick.

775
00:55:13.200 --> 00:55:21.560
So that 60 seconds. It's kind of like that final like okay everybody hustle it up and kind of share your last things. And I know it can be really quick.

776
00:55:21.560 --> 00:55:42.780
But short, brief and powerful amazing things can happen in that time. All right, before we go into group coaching for those of you that are brand new. This is where you can share with the whole group what you shared in the breakout or even just, you know, let me say this. If you have a struggle with submission, even if you didn't share this in your breakout.

777
00:55:43.920 --> 00:56:01.220
You can come on and get coaching for that tonight. Okay, so I don't want it to feel like it just has to be what you shared in the breakout. But if you are someone that also, I haven't talked about this as much tonight as I did this afternoon, but I feel led to bring this up as well. Rebellion.

778
00:56:01.600 --> 00:56:06.700
Are you someone that struggles with rebelling against authority in your life?

779
00:56:07.980 --> 00:56:21.980
Like God put people over you, even in your job. Some of you just like you're just not like something in you like this just grinds against you inside when someone's telling you or asking you to do something like

780
00:56:22.480 --> 00:56:32.040
How dare they tell me what to do. Y'all know how we get sometimes right yeah so if you struggle with rebellion that can be in there as well.

781
00:56:32.040 --> 00:56:40.360
And so let's talk about some of these things. Before we go into that real quick. Here are your activations for this week. I am going to put them up in the group tonight.

782
00:56:40.660 --> 00:56:48.380
So those will be posted under the community tab. You can see it there. I put a cute little graphic up there that shows you this is your activation for the week.

783
00:56:48.620 --> 00:56:57.020
So I want to encourage you all. If you haven't already done so that permission slip that is in the beginning of your course that you would print that out.

784
00:56:57.740 --> 00:57:03.240
Put that up where you see it and I would love for you to be praying that out loud over yourself every day.

785
00:57:03.420 --> 00:57:07.520
Hey, it's that constant surrendering and submission partnering with that.

786
00:57:07.580 --> 00:57:13.920
And then want to encourage you all to come into the group this week and talk about like what what has happened in your life.

787
00:57:13.920 --> 00:57:19.020
You know, regarding submission. Were there things that were hurtful? Did you have a good experience with submission?

788
00:57:19.020 --> 00:57:29.120
So come into the group. And if you need coaching through that we can do that there. And also, again, if you had a good experience. Let's hear that, too, because some of these ladies need to hear

789
00:57:29.540 --> 00:57:40.500
what your good experience with submission has been like. And then this is the week, ladies, where we do the roots and fruits activation. So I'm going to show you

790
00:57:42.480 --> 00:57:49.800
real quick. We're going to go through this as fast as I can. Let me scroll back up here. A couple examples. Now, let me preface this.

791
00:57:51.140 --> 00:58:00.980
Yours can look completely different from all of these. Okay. These are just examples. It doesn't have to be fancy, ladies. The point and the main thing is to get it done.

792
00:58:01.900 --> 00:58:08.820
Okay, to get it out on paper, to get it done. If you're more creative and you want to be super creative. That's amazing. That's cool.

793
00:58:09.200 --> 00:58:20.760
If you don't feel led to be super crafty or that's not your comfort zone. I'm going to show you some ways that you can still do it. And it is great. We love them all. Okay. There's no art contest. There's no judging

794
00:58:20.760 --> 00:58:31.360
anybody's art and creative skills. Again, this is about getting it done. All right. So this lady, she shared the fruits and roots. So basically what we want to look at

795
00:58:31.880 --> 00:58:43.560
is all of the fruit in our life, which would be on the top of our tree, if you will, all are connected to roots down in our soil, down in our heart. So

796
00:58:44.080 --> 00:58:48.560
some of us, hopefully all of us have good fruit and not good fruit.

797
00:58:49.220 --> 00:58:54.900
And we're healing so that we can get rid of more of that unhealthy fruit and get more healthy fruit.

798
00:58:55.160 --> 00:59:06.660
And then those, I'm sorry, roots and then that's going to produce that fruit in your life. So this here, she actually didn't do any fruit in her drawing, but she put the different roots that she was working through.

799
00:59:07.260 --> 00:59:21.160
There's a couple different ones in there. They're all mixed together. Victimhood stands out, cussing. These are things, these are roots. These are areas where she struggles with mindsets or lies or the cussing. It sounds like, you know, her flesh is kind of ruling

800
00:59:21.240 --> 00:59:28.480
in that area. Ladies, those are unhealthy roots. Okay, so typically those are connected to things in us that need healed.

801
00:59:28.480 --> 00:59:42.560
And those then cause unhealthy fruit. Okay, going on. Here's another one. She's, you know, a little bit more artistic. The way that she did hers that I wanted to point out, again, these are all ideas and seeds. You don't have to do it exactly like this. This is just an example.

802
00:59:43.600 --> 00:59:53.340
So connected to her root, you see the root of the tree here, she has different lies that are connected to that main root system, if you will.

803
00:59:53.940 --> 00:59:59.520
And she did that for all of hers. Now, again, you may not feel led to do that, but that was something that was really helpful to her.

804
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.340
And on the drawing, she also wrote scriptures

805
01:00:02.340 --> 01:00:05.100
that were healthy for her to partner with in the days ahead.

806
01:00:05.680 --> 01:00:06.580
Here's another one.

807
01:00:06.860 --> 01:00:07.700
This lady is a teacher.

808
01:00:08.300 --> 01:00:10.120
So for those of you that are teachers,

809
01:00:10.280 --> 01:00:12.160
you might really appreciate her poster board.

810
01:00:12.340 --> 01:00:13.500
And this was something that just,

811
01:00:13.500 --> 01:00:15.140
she wanted to put it up in her house

812
01:00:15.140 --> 01:00:16.520
so she could be praying over it.

813
01:00:17.400 --> 01:00:19.300
She has some declarations on there.

814
01:00:19.940 --> 01:00:25.140
She has basically the areas where like her main roots

815
01:00:25.740 --> 01:00:28.900
were perfectionism, abandonment, and rejection as a child,

816
01:00:28.900 --> 01:00:32.620
and how those were leading into perfectionism, abandonment,

817
01:00:32.620 --> 01:00:33.820
and rejection as an adult.

818
01:00:34.040 --> 01:00:35.860
And then she wrote her different lies

819
01:00:35.860 --> 01:00:38.640
and things that were connected to those as well.

820
01:00:39.500 --> 01:00:42.220
Here's another one, super cute, simple.

821
01:00:42.340 --> 01:00:43.760
Y'all again, this is amazing.

822
01:00:43.840 --> 01:00:44.400
This is great.

823
01:00:44.520 --> 01:00:45.900
She's getting fear of man,

824
01:00:45.900 --> 01:00:48.700
and then she's connecting it to what is the fruit showing up

825
01:00:48.700 --> 01:00:50.100
in her life because of that.

826
01:00:50.100 --> 01:00:53.260
And then as well, the good fruit or roots, excuse me,

827
01:00:53.260 --> 01:00:54.460
that connect to the good fruit.

828
01:00:54.840 --> 01:00:55.760
Here's another one.

829
01:00:55.800 --> 01:00:56.880
This one's done on a computer.

830
01:00:57.260 --> 01:00:58.100
This is great too.

831
01:00:58.100 --> 01:00:59.980
So if this is the way you wanna go,

832
01:01:00.140 --> 01:01:01.820
you can totally do it like this.

833
01:01:02.240 --> 01:01:05.600
Again, you see the unhealthy roots and healthy ones

834
01:01:05.600 --> 01:01:07.440
going up to the fruit there.

835
01:01:08.020 --> 01:01:09.480
Here's another one on a computer.

836
01:01:09.960 --> 01:01:11.360
I thought this was really cool too.

837
01:01:11.420 --> 01:01:12.960
Like she has one half of her tree

838
01:01:13.300 --> 01:01:15.120
that's representing the unhealthy side,

839
01:01:15.180 --> 01:01:17.220
and then the other half that is representing

840
01:01:17.220 --> 01:01:18.440
the healthy side for her.

841
01:01:20.020 --> 01:01:22.300
Complaining and comparing, resentment and bitterness,

842
01:01:22.740 --> 01:01:25.360
hopelessness, despair, low self-esteem.

843
01:01:25.460 --> 01:01:27.480
So maybe you resonate with some of those.

844
01:01:28.080 --> 01:01:29.740
Here's the last one I'm gonna share with you real quick.

845
01:01:29.860 --> 01:01:32.420
Now, this lady is an artist, so don't be intimidated,

846
01:01:32.580 --> 01:01:34.380
but I did wanna show this to you

847
01:01:34.380 --> 01:01:38.360
because again, her fruit and roots that are not healthy

848
01:01:38.360 --> 01:01:40.420
are that kind of that far left side.

849
01:01:40.800 --> 01:01:41.780
It looks a little dark,

850
01:01:42.200 --> 01:01:45.360
and then she's got the stuff that's good

851
01:01:45.360 --> 01:01:48.360
and in that yellow and kind of alive looking colors.

852
01:01:48.380 --> 01:01:51.220
But I love that she put the Holy Spirit here too.

853
01:01:51.420 --> 01:01:54.120
And the Holy Spirit is who empowers us

854
01:01:54.120 --> 01:01:58.200
and enables us to heal even those unhealthy areas

855
01:01:58.300 --> 01:02:01.620
and then produce healthy fruit later on.

856
01:02:01.820 --> 01:02:04.640
All right, so the goal is for you to be praying

857
01:02:04.640 --> 01:02:09.380
and asking God, what unhealthy roots do you have

858
01:02:09.380 --> 01:02:12.520
in your life that are producing unhealthy fruit?

859
01:02:13.020 --> 01:02:15.860
And then what healthy fruit do you have in your life

860
01:02:15.860 --> 01:02:17.480
that is producing healthy fruit?

861
01:02:17.960 --> 01:02:21.020
Okay, create that and then post in the group

862
01:02:21.020 --> 01:02:23.780
and you can share even how that experience was for you.

863
01:02:24.300 --> 01:02:26.420
Again, I'll put this up as a reminder in the group

864
01:02:26.420 --> 01:02:27.800
for you all, you'll see it there.

865
01:02:27.920 --> 01:02:29.580
If you need any further explanation,

866
01:02:30.080 --> 01:02:31.200
check that post out, okay?

867
01:02:31.680 --> 01:02:33.820
All right, thanks for my ladies

868
01:02:33.820 --> 01:02:35.140
that already put your hands up.

869
01:02:35.200 --> 01:02:36.340
Alexandra, go ahead.

870
01:02:37.780 --> 01:02:39.780
Hi, Bethany, good to see you.

871
01:02:39.820 --> 01:02:40.920
Hi, good to see you too.

872
01:02:42.020 --> 01:02:43.900
Okay, so this has actually been

873
01:02:43.900 --> 01:02:46.300
like a major roadblock in my life.

874
01:02:48.020 --> 01:02:50.720
The submission at work specifically.

875
01:02:52.280 --> 01:02:54.520
So I just grew up in a really like,

876
01:02:54.540 --> 01:02:56.960
just very like chaotic home

877
01:02:56.960 --> 01:02:59.380
and there ended up being like a lot of neglect,

878
01:02:59.380 --> 01:03:02.020
but I just kind of like did my own thing.

879
01:03:02.140 --> 01:03:04.480
And then once I got older, I kind of learned

880
01:03:04.800 --> 01:03:07.880
like my parents weren't responsible with their finances

881
01:03:08.380 --> 01:03:10.380
and their marriage was falling apart.

882
01:03:10.380 --> 01:03:12.100
And then they got into new relationships

883
01:03:12.100 --> 01:03:15.540
and those fell apart and our life was falling apart.

884
01:03:15.540 --> 01:03:17.500
And I was, so I just kind of,

885
01:03:17.660 --> 01:03:20.200
and my mom would come home from work

886
01:03:20.200 --> 01:03:22.940
and I had come home from school and she was like,

887
01:03:23.180 --> 01:03:25.100
like, why haven't you done this in the house?

888
01:03:25.180 --> 01:03:26.100
Why haven't you done this?

889
01:03:26.180 --> 01:03:26.900
Why haven't you done this?

890
01:03:26.900 --> 01:03:28.440
And I'm a teenager at this point,

891
01:03:28.780 --> 01:03:33.120
but I was like, all I remembered in my head was like,

892
01:03:33.160 --> 01:03:37.880
you're not upholding like you're a part of this bargain.

893
01:03:37.960 --> 01:03:41.120
And like, so I don't feel like I wanna do mine.

894
01:03:41.220 --> 01:03:43.440
And we got in these big arguments.

895
01:03:43.440 --> 01:03:45.640
It was very traumatic for her apparently.

896
01:03:46.520 --> 01:03:49.100
I was just very much like, I'm not gonna do it.

897
01:03:49.240 --> 01:03:51.520
Like I don't, and I still did some things.

898
01:03:51.580 --> 01:03:53.060
I didn't like not do anything,

899
01:03:53.120 --> 01:03:56.060
but it was really hard for me to wanna do anything

900
01:03:56.060 --> 01:03:58.540
because I just didn't respect her.

901
01:04:00.320 --> 01:04:04.920
So at work, almost every job, there's other things,

902
01:04:05.020 --> 01:04:06.980
just like a lot of insecurity comes up.

903
01:04:07.080 --> 01:04:11.040
And then once I see that like I don't trust

904
01:04:11.040 --> 01:04:13.400
or don't agree with something that they're doing,

905
01:04:14.940 --> 01:04:17.600
it's very difficult for me to follow.

906
01:04:17.880 --> 01:04:20.980
And I've just kind of associated it with like,

907
01:04:21.080 --> 01:04:22.080
I'm very values-based.

908
01:04:22.160 --> 01:04:25.180
So if something doesn't really like align with my values,

909
01:04:25.180 --> 01:04:27.400
it's very hard for me to do it.

910
01:04:27.600 --> 01:04:29.580
But I've never gotten fat.

911
01:04:29.640 --> 01:04:30.600
Well, actually I did kind of,

912
01:04:30.640 --> 01:04:32.740
I got let go from a job for that.

913
01:04:33.280 --> 01:04:35.900
And I love my, I'm a nurse,

914
01:04:36.020 --> 01:04:38.080
but some of the jobs have been very stressful,

915
01:04:38.420 --> 01:04:40.020
but that on top of it,

916
01:04:40.020 --> 01:04:41.820
there just ends up being a lot of fear.

917
01:04:42.620 --> 01:04:45.720
And I think it's in relation to me

918
01:04:45.720 --> 01:04:49.100
kind of maybe rebelling in some small ways.

919
01:04:49.160 --> 01:04:51.780
I just kind of like shut down and try to keep to myself

920
01:04:52.000 --> 01:04:54.360
and like, I don't trust anybody.

921
01:04:54.360 --> 01:04:57.440
And then things kind of implode at the workplace.

922
01:04:58.600 --> 01:04:58.600


923
01:04:58.880 --> 01:04:59.920
Thank you for sharing.

924
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.400
I think there's a lot of crossover between this thing with your mom and what's happening

925
01:05:07.400 --> 01:05:07.760
at work.

926
01:05:07.900 --> 01:05:10.020
I'm curious, and it's okay if not, I'm just curious.

927
01:05:10.740 --> 01:05:16.660
Do you tend to struggle more with women or just people in general if you feel like that

928
01:05:16.660 --> 01:05:22.760
you don't agree with them or you feel like you don't trust them or whatever?

929
01:05:22.840 --> 01:05:25.540
Do you see this showing up with women more than men?

930
01:05:26.200 --> 01:05:26.680
It's tough.

931
01:05:26.680 --> 01:05:33.400
I work with a lot more women as a nurse, but the guys I have worked with, it hasn't been

932
01:05:33.400 --> 01:05:35.340
such a big thing.

933
01:05:35.740 --> 01:05:36.240
Yeah.

934
01:05:36.440 --> 01:05:37.120
Yeah.

935
01:05:37.120 --> 01:05:42.200
So that's kind of like where that signals, and even as you were talking about your mom,

936
01:05:43.560 --> 01:05:47.840
while both of your parents seem to struggle in that relationship and that relationship

937
01:05:47.840 --> 01:05:55.820
fell apart, which you might have feelings towards your dad as well, but it sounds like

938
01:05:55.820 --> 01:06:00.140
because you were living with mom and mom was coming home, kind of being hard on you

939
01:06:00.140 --> 01:06:08.580
to a degree, that when you partnered with the rebellion and kind of just like really

940
01:06:08.580 --> 01:06:15.520
choosing to disrespect her in your heart, which when you really unpack that, Alexandra,

941
01:06:15.960 --> 01:06:16.620
it's hurt.

942
01:06:17.480 --> 01:06:23.440
It's hurt that then doesn't get taken care of, that turns into bitterness and unforgiveness

943
01:06:23.440 --> 01:06:25.920
and resentment and all those things.

944
01:06:27.400 --> 01:06:33.960
And so even if you've already done quite a bit of work around this with your mom, I want

945
01:06:33.960 --> 01:06:39.020
to encourage you, there might be multiple times, but if there is a time that stands

946
01:06:39.020 --> 01:06:45.700
out in particular, which it sounds like this incident is one of them, that you would really

947
01:06:45.700 --> 01:06:51.920
invite Jesus to come into that situation with you and illuminate that for you to show you

948
01:06:51.920 --> 01:06:59.680
the truth that you're not seeing right now and to help you to see what you couldn't see

949
01:06:59.680 --> 01:07:02.940
back then and to forgive your mom.

950
01:07:03.380 --> 01:07:12.100
Because at the end of the day, I understand why you felt probably the way you did, but

951
01:07:13.300 --> 01:07:21.340
if you can choose to fully forgive her in that moment, in that time, not so much you,

952
01:07:21.340 --> 01:07:26.620
Alexandra now, which yes, that's what you're doing, but like, it's more about the younger

953
01:07:26.920 --> 01:07:34.000
version, Alexandra forgiving her mom for mistreating her or whatever was going on there, whatever

954
01:07:34.000 --> 01:07:35.060
you were feeling.

955
01:07:35.160 --> 01:07:40.620
And then what lies were rising up during that time as well, that you partnered with, you

956
01:07:40.620 --> 01:07:44.460
know, how dare she tell me what to do when she can't hold her own life together.

957
01:07:44.540 --> 01:07:47.460
You know, I don't know that that's what you thought, but those are the kinds of things

958
01:07:47.460 --> 01:07:51.440
that people, you know, really struggle when your parents look.

959
01:07:51.440 --> 01:07:56.640
Dare I say weak in some way, you know, or imperfect.

960
01:07:56.640 --> 01:08:03.000
And as children, we also, if we have parents that it looked like they were good and they

961
01:08:03.000 --> 01:08:09.760
were healthy and they had things together, we kind of inflate, you know, our perspective

962
01:08:09.760 --> 01:08:10.260
of them.

963
01:08:10.260 --> 01:08:15.260
And so when that all implodes and falls apart, we don't know what to do.

964
01:08:15.920 --> 01:08:21.840
And so if you didn't have anyone to help you process that, it's very common for the young

965
01:08:21.840 --> 01:08:27.640
children or teenagers in the home to feel rebellion, you know, that rebellion and disrespect

966
01:08:27.680 --> 01:08:29.880
and brokenness because they're sad.

967
01:08:30.800 --> 01:08:31.359
Yeah.

968
01:08:31.359 --> 01:08:36.220
And I think I struggle now with like, I guess, I don't know if it's pride.

969
01:08:36.260 --> 01:08:40.560
Like I am like, I do feel like I'm a smart person.

970
01:08:40.560 --> 01:08:44.640
And so I really struggle when like, I feel like I'm like that, especially as a nurse

971
01:08:44.640 --> 01:08:48.140
on the floor and my manager isn't a nurse telling me to do something.

972
01:08:48.359 --> 01:08:50.700
And I'm like, that doesn't actually make sense.

973
01:08:51.140 --> 01:08:57.180
And so I really struggle, like if I see a better way or something like that on like

974
01:08:57.180 --> 01:08:58.000
submitting to.

975
01:08:58.460 --> 01:09:00.660
So I have this like better than I don't know.

976
01:09:00.720 --> 01:09:02.240
But then I'm like, also, is that wrong?

977
01:09:02.240 --> 01:09:03.520
Because what if it really is better?

978
01:09:04.939 --> 01:09:09.279
Well, and I will say for those of you, everyone on the call, like if someone's asking you

979
01:09:09.279 --> 01:09:13.979
to do something that isn't good, okay, let's just, let's just put this out there too.

980
01:09:14.180 --> 01:09:17.720
We don't need to just, those are the times we need to stand up.

981
01:09:17.800 --> 01:09:24.180
But in this case, it's not bad that you think or see a better way or a way that you think

982
01:09:24.200 --> 01:09:25.720
might work things.

983
01:09:25.899 --> 01:09:29.680
Because I even sometimes see things that maybe my husband doesn't see.

984
01:09:30.060 --> 01:09:36.600
We have different perspectives, but I think the key, Alexandra, is what's in our heart.

985
01:09:37.840 --> 01:09:41.359
You know, like, in our heart, is there pride?

986
01:09:43.000 --> 01:09:46.840
And I think even Annette shared a couple of weeks ago, you know, sometimes there's that

987
01:09:46.840 --> 01:09:48.160
right to be right.

988
01:09:48.220 --> 01:09:49.979
Like we have that right to be right.

989
01:09:49.979 --> 01:09:56.620
Like we just have to be right, you know, and that is rooted in pride and ego and things.

990
01:09:57.760 --> 01:09:59.980
Again, if you look at the self-preservation.

991
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.720
patient sheet though, some of those things show up because you're protecting the parts

992
01:10:05.720 --> 01:10:11.340
of yourself that were actually hurting. And so again, that's where it's going to be really

993
01:10:11.340 --> 01:10:14.780
important to go back and heal the younger version of yourself. Cause I think it's going

994
01:10:14.780 --> 01:10:21.000
to impact a lot of the ways that you're shown up with these situations and people. And then

995
01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:25.760
you mentioned insecurity. I want to touch on this real quick before I go to Susan. Um,

996
01:10:25.760 --> 01:10:31.340
I would love for you to look at what is causing the insecurity to rise up in these job situations

997
01:10:32.400 --> 01:10:37.560
and just ask the Lord, what, what's the root of that. So what's causing it to come up and

998
01:10:37.560 --> 01:10:42.420
when is the first time you felt those ways in your life? Because again, you have to go

999
01:10:42.420 --> 01:10:48.300
back to the source, the root of the insecurity and it it's, it's showing up in the work situations,

1000
01:10:48.480 --> 01:10:54.960
but it it's rooted somewhere else most likely. Yeah. Um, yeah, I really struggle with like

1001
01:10:54.960 --> 01:10:59.660
worrying about people talking bad about me or like not liking me and that kind of ties

1002
01:11:00.260 --> 01:11:07.640
yeah at work. So I have to figure that out. God will show me. Well, let me ask you a question.

1003
01:11:07.720 --> 01:11:14.180
Do you think you're a likable person? Um, the parts of me that are healthy. Yes. The

1004
01:11:14.180 --> 01:11:24.060
parts of me that have been damaged and hurt. I I'm like, I, I understand why. Yeah. I want

1005
01:11:24.060 --> 01:11:29.020
you to work on that a little bit from the perspective of, I'm not saying we don't all

1006
01:11:29.020 --> 01:11:35.420
like, we all have stuff where we need to still heal. Okay. But I want you to be kinder towards

1007
01:11:35.480 --> 01:11:42.480
the parts of yourself that are broken, if you will. Okay. Because I think what's happening

1008
01:11:42.880 --> 01:11:48.040
is actually the more I'm even processing this with you is the judgment that's coming out

1009
01:11:48.040 --> 01:11:53.980
on other people is actually judgment you have towards yourself. Yeah. And I don't know

1010
01:11:53.980 --> 01:11:59.900
exactly where that came from. Well, and again, this is where asking the Lord and some of it's

1011
01:11:59.900 --> 01:12:04.420
a process. You might not find out all these answers now, but it's just, these are dots

1012
01:12:04.420 --> 01:12:12.100
that God is kind of bringing together. And over time he'll keep connecting the dots. Um, but again,

1013
01:12:13.060 --> 01:12:18.540
if there was a moment when you were younger, when you rejected yourself in some way, that's where,

1014
01:12:18.540 --> 01:12:25.400
I mean, that's where it can start. Um, you know, I think a lot of us, um, I say this a lot in the

1015
01:12:25.400 --> 01:12:29.680
real you session, but like, you know, we're taught in Christian circles to love ourselves,

1016
01:12:29.760 --> 01:12:33.860
to love ourselves, but there's not a lot of people talking about, well, do you like yourself

1017
01:12:35.180 --> 01:12:41.300
and learning how to like who we are? Even y'all, sometimes I make some big, ugly mistakes

1018
01:12:41.860 --> 01:12:46.660
and like, even that day, like I, thankfully I didn't mistreat Brian or anything, but I was

1019
01:12:46.660 --> 01:12:53.020
feeling all kinds of ugly on the inside and I knew it didn't feel comfortable. And in the past,

1020
01:12:53.060 --> 01:12:59.240
I would have been so hard on myself about that. But instead the Lord through that article that

1021
01:12:59.240 --> 01:13:05.040
I just really quickly read was saying, don't judge yourself for how you're feeling right now.

1022
01:13:06.320 --> 01:13:09.860
And so I just want to give that to you and everyone else on here tonight.

1023
01:13:10.420 --> 01:13:18.180
Some of y'all really need to look at how you're judging yourself and criticizing and being harsh

1024
01:13:18.180 --> 01:13:25.440
towards yourself. And that behavior is then being reciprocated and kind of projected onto other

1025
01:13:25.440 --> 01:13:30.460
people as well, but it goes back. What's that source. When did this start in our lives where

1026
01:13:30.460 --> 01:13:36.300
we started judging and criticizing ourselves? Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm so glad

1027
01:13:36.300 --> 01:13:42.800
that you were here. I think you're pretty likable, Alexandra, just FYI. Just keep receiving that.

1028
01:13:43.240 --> 01:13:46.940
All right. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. Susan, go ahead.

1029
01:13:48.740 --> 01:13:53.380
Hi, Bethany. I so appreciate you. Thank you. That last part was really helpful for me too.

1030
01:13:53.500 --> 01:14:00.000
I feel like I'm very ungracious to my parts. I think are ugly. I don't know if you remember me

1031
01:14:00.000 --> 01:14:08.400
last week. I came on last. Okay. All right. So a few more, I wanted to talk to you a little

1032
01:14:08.400 --> 01:14:23.520
bit more about the babysitter that we, excuse me. I told my mom about it today

1033
01:14:25.420 --> 01:14:30.540
and she remembered that like, yeah, I was probably about nine or 10 and the neighbor,

1034
01:14:30.640 --> 01:14:36.140
a boy probably was 12 or 13 and he babysat us. And she said that he did have an erection

1035
01:14:37.520 --> 01:14:41.960
when he came over. And I'm like, okay, that makes sense. Because I remember feeling

1036
01:14:42.160 --> 01:14:49.540
a certain way. And my mom was surprised that for me, it feels good in a way. Cause I'm like, okay,

1037
01:14:49.540 --> 01:14:55.100
that makes sense. Why I've been like scared of was scared so long. I mean,

1038
01:14:55.100 --> 01:14:59.400
it's not like I'm scared of guys now or that I've never had sex or anything as an adult, but.

1039
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.560
It made sense why I was like that for such a long time and panicked, but she was surprised.

1040
01:15:05.880 --> 01:15:10.060
She's like, she didn't realize that that could have caused me to be like, have that reaction.

1041
01:15:11.280 --> 01:15:16.040
And then she said right away, I think a lot of people go through sexual abuse or go through

1042
01:15:16.060 --> 01:15:17.780
situations like that.

1043
01:15:17.860 --> 01:15:24.220
And so I was like, I feel like you're minimizing, like to just say that right away after I told

1044
01:15:24.220 --> 01:15:24.660
you something.

1045
01:15:24.720 --> 01:15:25.940
No, no, I'm not trying to minimize you.

1046
01:15:25.940 --> 01:15:26.560
I'm just saying.

1047
01:15:27.440 --> 01:15:31.160
And then it was kind of quiet for like a few minutes in the car.

1048
01:15:31.440 --> 01:15:34.300
And then, you know, after that, she's like, well, I'm really sorry that happened.

1049
01:15:34.420 --> 01:15:36.600
And I know that God is going to restore the years.

1050
01:15:36.840 --> 01:15:37.460
So that was helpful.

1051
01:15:38.100 --> 01:15:43.400
But it did kind of make me feel like, well, yeah, is, I mean, you know, just saying that,

1052
01:15:43.540 --> 01:15:49.580
like so many people have had that and they don't seem to be like so scared, like, you

1053
01:15:49.580 --> 01:15:52.860
know, is it really that, but yeah.

1054
01:15:52.860 --> 01:15:58.080
And we have another woman in here that I've kind of been coaching her through some similar

1055
01:15:58.080 --> 01:15:58.640
things.

1056
01:15:59.280 --> 01:16:04.040
The reality is, is unfortunately this does happen to a lot of people.

1057
01:16:04.240 --> 01:16:06.900
It does, but it's okay.

1058
01:16:06.900 --> 01:16:09.680
Then in that moment, that's not what you needed to hear.

1059
01:16:10.640 --> 01:16:15.220
But what I love about what your mom did is while there was silence for a little bit,

1060
01:16:15.220 --> 01:16:21.920
when she spoke again, she really acknowledged, you know, what you went through and how that

1061
01:16:21.920 --> 01:16:22.500
impacted you.

1062
01:16:22.500 --> 01:16:23.680
And that's, that's good.

1063
01:16:24.380 --> 01:16:26.540
Some people cannot do that at all.

1064
01:16:26.800 --> 01:16:29.120
So I love that she made that shift.

1065
01:16:30.180 --> 01:16:35.080
You know, I want to encourage you if you feel still some kind of like, oh, like, why did

1066
01:16:35.080 --> 01:16:35.680
she say that?

1067
01:16:35.680 --> 01:16:38.920
I would just forgive her in that moment.

1068
01:16:40.040 --> 01:16:45.380
She probably just didn't handle that super great right out of the gate, but sounds like

1069
01:16:45.380 --> 01:16:47.800
she really, really pulled through on that.

1070
01:16:48.440 --> 01:16:50.360
But I'm really glad you told her.

1071
01:16:50.360 --> 01:16:56.060
And I think just again, ladies, when we bring, when we feel led, you know, and you felt led

1072
01:16:56.060 --> 01:16:57.480
to talk to your mom about it.

1073
01:16:58.160 --> 01:17:02.240
And we bring these things out of the darkness, into the light, there can just be a lot more

1074
01:17:02.240 --> 01:17:04.580
healing and a lot more freedom that can come.

1075
01:17:04.980 --> 01:17:09.440
And so I'm excited to, to see where this is going to go for you.

1076
01:17:09.460 --> 01:17:10.240
Thank you.

1077
01:17:10.480 --> 01:17:11.040
You're welcome.

1078
01:17:11.320 --> 01:17:16.680
I feel like I've been a little bit angry or feeling a little bit sorry for myself.

1079
01:17:16.680 --> 01:17:18.740
Because I'm like, I'm 44.

1080
01:17:19.000 --> 01:17:20.800
This is like taking so many years for me.

1081
01:17:20.820 --> 01:17:23.640
So it makes me like a little bit.

1082
01:17:24.280 --> 01:17:24.840
I don't know.

1083
01:17:25.880 --> 01:17:31.200
But I did a thing at the beach today and did like, you know, forgiving everybody and the

1084
01:17:31.200 --> 01:17:35.700
Holy Spirit did bring another situation, a few other situations to my mind.

1085
01:17:36.000 --> 01:17:38.700
So I, you know, tried to forgive those people too.

1086
01:17:39.800 --> 01:17:45.200
I've had stuff, violations as an adult, but I feel like I've addressed, I mean, I've already

1087
01:17:45.200 --> 01:17:47.820
like, I knew of those, you know what I mean?

1088
01:17:48.440 --> 01:17:48.520
Yeah.

1089
01:17:48.520 --> 01:17:59.180
So I didn't, you know, yeah, I did relate with what you were saying about submission

1090
01:17:59.200 --> 01:18:02.060
and like getting in a relationship and losing yourself.

1091
01:18:04.040 --> 01:18:10.760
So I feel like I, yeah, I have, I was trying to think where I, cause I feel like I do have

1092
01:18:10.760 --> 01:18:12.820
this kind of side that doesn't want to submit either.

1093
01:18:13.100 --> 01:18:14.280
That's a little bit rebellious.

1094
01:18:15.180 --> 01:18:18.880
And I feel like it comes out in the church because I was raised in the church.

1095
01:18:19.420 --> 01:18:20.740
Cause I'm self-employed.

1096
01:18:20.740 --> 01:18:22.560
I've like been self-employed for 20 years.

1097
01:18:22.600 --> 01:18:23.920
Like I don't have anyone telling me what to do.

1098
01:18:24.000 --> 01:18:26.080
I hate being told what to do.

1099
01:18:27.260 --> 01:18:31.240
But I can't really think of any areas of my life because I'm just like, I set my own schedule

1100
01:18:31.240 --> 01:18:31.640
every day.

1101
01:18:31.640 --> 01:18:32.640
I do whatever I want.

1102
01:18:33.980 --> 01:18:39.120
But I think with church, like I haven't really been in like too much community.

1103
01:18:39.120 --> 01:18:42.740
I mean, I attend church and stuff like that, but I've always just kind of gone on my own

1104
01:18:42.740 --> 01:18:43.420
and gone home.

1105
01:18:43.860 --> 01:18:46.360
And for a long time, I didn't have Christian friends either.

1106
01:18:46.480 --> 01:18:52.900
Like I would more like be bringing people to the Lord, but I think I have some wounds

1107
01:18:53.700 --> 01:18:58.680
with spiritual authority because of maybe getting taught incorrect things about God

1108
01:18:58.680 --> 01:19:01.640
and the law versus like the new covenant and grace.

1109
01:19:02.340 --> 01:19:02.840
Yeah.

1110
01:19:02.840 --> 01:19:09.860
Well, definitely look into those because as you were sharing, for those of you, and I'm

1111
01:19:09.860 --> 01:19:14.640
not saying, you know, I know some people will have seasons where maybe God is taking you

1112
01:19:14.680 --> 01:19:20.860
to a sanctuary away from a church to heal and all of those things, but what can happen

1113
01:19:21.520 --> 01:19:27.980
unfortunately is God actually created us for community in person, as well as this is an

1114
01:19:27.980 --> 01:19:28.680
amazing community too.

1115
01:19:28.680 --> 01:19:30.180
And this will be a blessing to you.

1116
01:19:31.280 --> 01:19:35.000
But I wrote down needs to get rooted.

1117
01:19:36.960 --> 01:19:42.300
So like what I mean by that is the Bible talks about that God wants to plant us in a place

1118
01:19:42.300 --> 01:19:44.200
where we can grow and flourish.

1119
01:19:44.920 --> 01:19:48.760
And I do believe that, you know, that can be a lot of different aspects, but I do believe

1120
01:19:48.760 --> 01:19:54.660
one of those is in a church that's healthy, where we can grow and become a part of a

1121
01:19:54.660 --> 01:19:59.920
community where we become known, you know, where we just don't I've done that before.

1122
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.600
When I was going through my divorce, I walked into the church.

1123
01:20:02.720 --> 01:20:06.540
I went to the service and I left every week and nobody knew me.

1124
01:20:06.640 --> 01:20:15.680
And it felt great because in the years past, everybody knew me, everybody knew my business and I just needed a break, but that wasn't where God wanted me to stay.

1125
01:20:17.260 --> 01:20:29.440
Because not only do I receive a blessing when I am known by other people and I allow myself to get to know them, but I also have an opportunity to be a blessing to them.

1126
01:20:30.000 --> 01:20:30.420
Right.

1127
01:20:30.940 --> 01:20:34.100
So I want to encourage you to just look at that a little bit with the Lord.

1128
01:20:34.340 --> 01:20:43.980
Like what, you know, when is the first time someone in the church, you know, did or said something that was hurtful or led you astray or offended you or whatever that might be for you.

1129
01:20:44.220 --> 01:20:46.780
And let's just see where the Lord leads you in that.

1130
01:20:47.000 --> 01:20:57.100
And then the last thing I was going to say, and then I'll come over to Yash, is that for all of you that struggle with losing yourself in a relationship.

1131
01:20:57.920 --> 01:20:58.400
Okay.

1132
01:20:58.820 --> 01:21:05.600
The reason that happens is because we don't have our, our own values and thoughts defined.

1133
01:21:05.680 --> 01:21:06.900
What do we like?

1134
01:21:07.160 --> 01:21:10.000
What don't we like now we can give and take in relationship.

1135
01:21:10.180 --> 01:21:12.040
I don't like everything that Brian likes.

1136
01:21:12.400 --> 01:21:13.960
Some shows that he likes to watch.

1137
01:21:14.020 --> 01:21:18.180
I'm like, man, I don't care about this show, you know, and that's fine.

1138
01:21:19.440 --> 01:21:25.720
But if I don't know any of the things that I like or don't like, or who I am, I don't know what my values are.

1139
01:21:25.720 --> 01:21:28.680
And I'm not rooted in Christ in my identity.

1140
01:21:28.880 --> 01:21:33.280
What can happen is I try to then kind of like a chameleon, right?

1141
01:21:33.660 --> 01:21:37.940
Or these little geckos around here in Florida, they change colors when they're on certain things.

1142
01:21:38.200 --> 01:21:48.260
Well, we can become like that too, or we lose ourselves and our identity because, you know, the person we're with, well, that's not what God intended us to do.

1143
01:21:48.460 --> 01:21:50.580
He intended us to be who we are.

1144
01:21:50.700 --> 01:21:55.420
And then that is a blessing and calls out the spiritual DNA in someone else.

1145
01:21:56.540 --> 01:22:03.160
So if we lose ourselves, man, that's so much important stuff that the world needs.

1146
01:22:03.860 --> 01:22:04.300
Right.

1147
01:22:04.940 --> 01:22:09.680
So for you and everyone, let's, let's discover who you are.

1148
01:22:09.760 --> 01:22:12.740
So go do, go do some stuff you haven't done in a while.

1149
01:22:12.800 --> 01:22:14.000
Get out of your comfort zone.

1150
01:22:14.120 --> 01:22:15.240
Try some things out.

1151
01:22:15.320 --> 01:22:16.060
What do you like?

1152
01:22:16.140 --> 01:22:16.940
What don't you like?

1153
01:22:16.940 --> 01:22:18.280
And get to know yourself again.

1154
01:22:18.700 --> 01:22:19.140
Okay.

1155
01:22:19.420 --> 01:22:19.860
Okay.

1156
01:22:19.860 --> 01:22:20.380
Sounds good.

1157
01:22:20.580 --> 01:22:21.060
All right.

1158
01:22:21.160 --> 01:22:21.560
Awesome.

1159
01:22:22.040 --> 01:22:22.400
Thanks, Bethany.

1160
01:22:22.960 --> 01:22:23.400
You're welcome.

1161
01:22:23.640 --> 01:22:24.420
Good to see you.

1162
01:22:24.860 --> 01:22:25.080
You too.

1163
01:22:25.080 --> 01:22:26.760
Yash, go ahead.

1164
01:22:27.880 --> 01:22:28.640
Hi, everyone.

1165
01:22:29.160 --> 01:22:31.580
So my sharing was with Emily.

1166
01:22:32.740 --> 01:22:41.160
So I shared kind of a roadblock I really identified during these few weeks after starting Harvard.

1167
01:22:41.920 --> 01:22:50.720
So this is actually because of, I'm the only child in the family and I'm, I was born in a South Asian country in Sri Lanka.

1168
01:22:51.720 --> 01:23:10.120
So from small days, what my parents were talking about is, hey, you were born alone and, you know, one day when we are not there, you just need to, you know, find someone and get married because arranged marriages are very common and very kind of high in South Asian countries.

1169
01:23:10.740 --> 01:23:13.560
So since the age of 16, that's what I've heard.

1170
01:23:13.580 --> 01:23:17.080
I mean, they've tried to bring in arranged marriages when I was 19 and I rebelled.

1171
01:23:17.220 --> 01:23:20.180
I said, no, I mean, I want to do it for myself.

1172
01:23:20.180 --> 01:23:22.340
And I want to marry for love.

1173
01:23:22.600 --> 01:23:24.960
And by that time I have not known the Lord.

1174
01:23:26.180 --> 01:23:28.660
And so fast forward to my adult life.

1175
01:23:29.260 --> 01:23:36.740
And so as I grew up, I mean, I did have relationships, but I kind of, you know, I realized I always lived in fear.

1176
01:23:36.940 --> 01:23:50.020
I didn't introduce the guys that I was dating to my parents up until they kind of came with a ring or something like that, which we did not get to that part where even though one guy, I mean, really went close to

1177
01:23:50.020 --> 01:23:51.540
that, but it didn't happen.

1178
01:23:52.700 --> 01:24:02.780
So so I mean, when my I remember when my mom got she had a massive heart attack when I was probably 20 in my 20s.

1179
01:24:02.900 --> 01:24:04.920
So then she was in the hospital.

1180
01:24:05.260 --> 01:24:07.220
I mean, I was just running around getting things sorted.

1181
01:24:08.160 --> 01:24:16.020
And what my relatives came, what they said when they came to see me was like, you know, you know, you're alone.

1182
01:24:16.080 --> 01:24:18.140
You need to think just get married to someone.

1183
01:24:18.140 --> 01:24:20.920
Right. And I felt so pressurized.

1184
01:24:21.080 --> 01:24:31.640
I remember that that time so vividly that I said, no, I mean, getting married is not a solution for being alone.

1185
01:24:31.920 --> 01:24:38.140
Right. So then fast forward to my early 30s when I got to know the Lord, I knew Lord is there for me.

1186
01:24:38.180 --> 01:24:40.860
First and foremost, I have the Lord with me.

1187
01:24:40.860 --> 01:24:47.460
And then it's I need to help help myself to understand that Lord cares for me.

1188
01:24:49.000 --> 01:24:53.760
And then he cares about my marriage, too, that, you know, there's nothing called forced marriages.

1189
01:24:54.580 --> 01:24:57.120
So the beginning of this year, I've been having nightmares.

1190
01:24:57.580 --> 01:24:59.840
So the nightmares was about like I go to the.

1191
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.080
But with someone I mean I like but then again I run back, you know, it was so crazy.

1192
01:25:06.080 --> 01:25:12.720
So then I realized my mother's mother was married, she was married at 15, but it was

1193
01:25:12.720 --> 01:25:15.020
a forced marriage, right?

1194
01:25:15.020 --> 01:25:20.560
So she was asked to get married like right of out of school at the age of 15.

1195
01:25:21.600 --> 01:25:26.640
And her husband was about five years elder, but then again, later on, they I mean, they

1196
01:25:26.640 --> 01:25:31.160
worked out they were married for a couple of years, in the sense like he died like pretty

1197
01:25:31.200 --> 01:25:31.900
early.

1198
01:25:33.160 --> 01:25:39.040
And then, so then I really fasted and prayed and broke the general generational curses.

1199
01:25:39.520 --> 01:25:41.540
So then I stopped having those nightmares.

1200
01:25:42.160 --> 01:25:53.100
So then after I started hard work, I realized that I had this fear of men that like probably

1201
01:25:53.100 --> 01:25:55.260
I had that fear.

1202
01:25:56.020 --> 01:26:03.020
And I have that pressurizing kind of feeling to do something that I don't want to do.

1203
01:26:04.640 --> 01:26:07.220
And then I've been praying about that.

1204
01:26:07.340 --> 01:26:12.720
I've been praying God, please, just crucify all these pressurizing spirits attacking me

1205
01:26:12.720 --> 01:26:13.540
through other people.

1206
01:26:13.740 --> 01:26:15.920
So that's what I've been trying to do.

1207
01:26:16.160 --> 01:26:18.000
So that's my sharing with Emily.

1208
01:26:21.780 --> 01:26:25.920
So, interestingly enough, I'm just going to go with what I heard the Lord say.

1209
01:26:27.140 --> 01:26:30.180
I don't normally say stuff like this, I'm prefacing it.

1210
01:26:30.980 --> 01:26:38.380
So I almost think an idol has been created out of not like allowing anyone to tell you

1211
01:26:38.380 --> 01:26:39.140
what to do.

1212
01:26:40.180 --> 01:26:40.660
You know?

1213
01:26:41.080 --> 01:26:42.400
Yeah, that's true.

1214
01:26:42.400 --> 01:26:48.720
Yeah, so like it becomes this thing that we like hold up, like nobody's going to tell

1215
01:26:48.720 --> 01:26:49.260
me what to do.

1216
01:26:49.320 --> 01:26:50.420
Nobody's going to pressure me.

1217
01:26:50.580 --> 01:26:57.380
And then what it does is it's going to internalize some things in you because you're partnering

1218
01:26:57.380 --> 01:27:00.640
with something that isn't God's intention for you.

1219
01:27:00.720 --> 01:27:04.880
Now, did you need to get married when your parents wanted you to get married and arrange

1220
01:27:04.880 --> 01:27:05.200
marriage?

1221
01:27:05.200 --> 01:27:06.240
I'm not saying that.

1222
01:27:06.240 --> 01:27:12.940
But what I am saying is that the more that you partner with, you know, there's pressure,

1223
01:27:13.140 --> 01:27:14.920
there's pressure, there's pressure to get married.

1224
01:27:15.800 --> 01:27:19.720
And you're believing there's lies that are floating around with that, right?

1225
01:27:19.720 --> 01:27:23.920
Because there's things that you're feeling, but there's lies connected to all of that.

1226
01:27:24.600 --> 01:27:30.420
And so that's even though you're free of the nightmares, there's stuff on the inside that

1227
01:27:30.420 --> 01:27:31.440
still needs healed.

1228
01:27:32.360 --> 01:27:37.460
You know, so let's just talk about the, you know, you said tonight a couple of times,

1229
01:27:38.080 --> 01:27:42.160
people said over you, you're born alone, you're alone, you're alone, get married.

1230
01:27:42.380 --> 01:27:47.320
And so is there some level of I'm alone?

1231
01:27:47.580 --> 01:27:49.620
And there's panic around that.

1232
01:27:50.600 --> 01:27:59.020
Yeah, I mean, I know even when I got sick, like I had a very bad gastro issue in February.

1233
01:27:59.020 --> 01:28:02.020
Like I had palpitations and all that.

1234
01:28:02.200 --> 01:28:06.300
And I know because in my job also, like we were going through a global restructure.

1235
01:28:06.540 --> 01:28:08.120
So people were losing jobs.

1236
01:28:08.940 --> 01:28:10.520
So praise God, I didn't lose my job.

1237
01:28:10.600 --> 01:28:14.460
But then again, everything was kind of, you know, at kind of a very high point at that

1238
01:28:14.680 --> 01:28:15.160
time.

1239
01:28:15.280 --> 01:28:18.560
And then I like palpitation for two weeks, I couldn't sleep.

1240
01:28:19.280 --> 01:28:21.160
So because of that, I had a lot of issues.

1241
01:28:21.220 --> 01:28:26.780
And I really felt I felt like, you know, even if the palpitation was high, and I fall down,

1242
01:28:26.780 --> 01:28:29.800
I mean, people will find out after a couple of days.

1243
01:28:30.800 --> 01:28:34.500
So and I'm afraid of being alone when you were sick.

1244
01:28:34.560 --> 01:28:35.700
Is that what I hear you saying?

1245
01:28:35.840 --> 01:28:36.600
Yeah, yeah.

1246
01:28:36.600 --> 01:28:36.980
Okay.

1247
01:28:37.020 --> 01:28:39.240
So what were the lies that you were hearing?

1248
01:28:39.460 --> 01:28:40.200
Were the lies?

1249
01:28:40.900 --> 01:28:43.380
You know, were they I'm going to die alone?

1250
01:28:43.620 --> 01:28:46.500
Were they, you know, nobody really cares about me?

1251
01:28:46.560 --> 01:28:48.240
What were the lies that you were hearing?

1252
01:28:49.580 --> 01:28:54.620
I think the biggest lie that I am, I was believing was that, you know,

1253
01:28:54.620 --> 01:28:59.660
God will ask me to marry someone that I'm, I, I'm not attracted to.

1254
01:29:00.420 --> 01:29:06.020
Or I mean, when I say I'm not attracted to I'm not looking for a spark, right?

1255
01:29:06.340 --> 01:29:07.580
Okay, so sorry, hold on one sec.

1256
01:29:07.860 --> 01:29:11.240
So when you were in the hospital, that's what I'm looking at right now.

1257
01:29:11.260 --> 01:29:17.840
So when you were in the hospital, and you were, you know, feeling alone, what were the

1258
01:29:17.840 --> 01:29:21.320
lies when you were in the hospital, and you were feeling alone?

1259
01:29:21.440 --> 01:29:24.040
What were what were the things that you were hearing?

1260
01:29:25.380 --> 01:29:28.260
Then from my, from my relatives?

1261
01:29:28.540 --> 01:29:34.760
Is that just no, no, I'm saying like, what were you battling with in your mind when you

1262
01:29:34.760 --> 01:29:37.420
were in the hospital, and you were by yourself?

1263
01:29:39.320 --> 01:29:41.840
Um, because that's, I'm alone.

1264
01:29:42.020 --> 01:29:42.240
Yeah.

1265
01:29:42.240 --> 01:29:42.640
Okay.

1266
01:29:42.700 --> 01:29:43.120
Okay.

1267
01:29:43.840 --> 01:29:44.880
I'm alone.

1268
01:29:45.020 --> 01:29:50.660
And I don't know whether people would even know if something happens to me, they will

1269
01:29:50.660 --> 01:29:53.180
get it to know, get to know after a couple of days.

1270
01:29:53.180 --> 01:29:59.980
So if I had a partner, a husband, so you know,

1271
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.940
there would be somebody there to kind of attend to me and take care of me.

1272
01:30:05.700 --> 01:30:11.080
But then again, I know, I mean, having a spirit mate is not just to take care of each other,

1273
01:30:11.080 --> 01:30:18.320
right? There's a whole lot of assignment from God, if you call it.

1274
01:30:18.860 --> 01:30:26.760
I'm going to ask you another question here. So I really think there's something to this alone

1275
01:30:26.760 --> 01:30:35.220
thing. So when your parents spoke over, over you, you were born alone. What was the intention?

1276
01:30:35.300 --> 01:30:39.820
Like, why did they say that to you? For me to be independent.

1277
01:30:40.480 --> 01:30:46.920
Okay. Okay. So you were an only child and they wanted you to be strong and, you know, all the

1278
01:30:46.920 --> 01:30:54.480
things. Okay. Did you feel connected to your parents growing up? Like, did you feel a bond

1279
01:30:54.480 --> 01:31:00.560
with them emotionally, mentally, physically? Yeah. Yeah. They were good parents. It's just

1280
01:31:00.560 --> 01:31:07.960
that they had very rigid framework in terms of parenting, but they did show me love. I mean,

1281
01:31:08.000 --> 01:31:14.000
there were things that did not go right, that did go right. But you know, I have gone,

1282
01:31:14.080 --> 01:31:19.200
walked with the Lord and forgiven for that. So, yeah. Okay. All right. Well, let's just, for now,

1283
01:31:19.200 --> 01:31:24.680
I think the big thing is coming out of agreement with the lie, I'm alone and I'm going to be alone,

1284
01:31:25.080 --> 01:31:29.060
you know, for a long time, or that God's going to force me to be with someone I don't want to be

1285
01:31:29.160 --> 01:31:35.000
with. Again, that's, that's kind of that projecting what our parents kind of, maybe we're doing,

1286
01:31:35.000 --> 01:31:38.980
your parents were trying to arrange a marriage before your time, your grandma,

1287
01:31:39.040 --> 01:31:44.240
you know, got married really young. And so it's projecting that onto God, that God would do those

1288
01:31:44.240 --> 01:31:49.720
things. And so I want to encourage you to come out of agreement with those lies and thought patterns.

1289
01:31:50.980 --> 01:31:55.900
But there's something in this alone thing that I feel like God wants to reveal for healing. And so

1290
01:31:55.900 --> 01:32:04.360
I just want to encourage you to ask him about that and just see where that leads. And let's,

1291
01:32:04.620 --> 01:32:11.060
let's post in the group as God is unpacking that for you, because I feel like that's going to tie

1292
01:32:11.060 --> 01:32:17.320
into stuff that maybe you didn't even know was there in you. Not so much in the other people and

1293
01:32:17.320 --> 01:32:26.320
things they're saying. Yeah, sometimes, Crystal, in other cultures, that is, they put such an

1294
01:32:26.320 --> 01:32:30.880
emphasis on the marriage that it really does create a lot of pressure for people growing up

1295
01:32:30.880 --> 01:32:36.660
in those cultures. But um, but yeah, so look into those with the Lord, and let's just see what he

1296
01:32:36.780 --> 01:32:42.940
reveals. It might be, you know, again, like, these aren't things we can dig up. We have to just pray

1297
01:32:43.260 --> 01:32:48.880
and ask the Lord to reveal them for healing. And I like to call it, you want to pull the string.

1298
01:32:48.960 --> 01:32:53.440
Like if there's something that comes up, even if it doesn't seem like it connects with what we're

1299
01:32:53.440 --> 01:32:59.460
talking about, that you would pull that string. Okay, Lord, I'm having this memory, or I'm having

1300
01:32:59.460 --> 01:33:04.880
this thought. I don't really know what it connects to, but Lord, will you show me what is it that

1301
01:33:04.880 --> 01:33:09.880
you're trying to tell me through this thought or this, you know, memory, and just see where those

1302
01:33:09.880 --> 01:33:15.360
go. So you want to pull the thread, ladies, and then go to the next thing that he reveals for

1303
01:33:15.360 --> 01:33:19.700
healing. Because sometimes as we're trying to get to the root, that root might not come right away.

1304
01:33:20.420 --> 01:33:26.280
Does that make sense? Yeah. All right. Awesome. Look forward to hearing how that is for you.

1305
01:33:26.280 --> 01:33:31.980
For anyone that needs to jump off, it's 933. I want to be honorable to your time. Totally

1306
01:33:31.980 --> 01:33:37.220
understand if you're not able to stay. I will try to get through as many of you,

1307
01:33:37.460 --> 01:33:40.620
ladies, with your hands up as I can. Shakira, go ahead.

1308
01:33:44.140 --> 01:33:54.940
Hi, Bethany. Hi. I've had some good experiences with submission. I find that if I feel like the

1309
01:33:55.180 --> 01:34:02.480
person's competent, and I can trust them, and they're respectful, then I don't have a problem

1310
01:34:02.500 --> 01:34:09.940
with submission. But I find that a lot of the times, most of the time, I'm pretty combative

1311
01:34:10.320 --> 01:34:19.100
if I don't agree with the person. Like, growing up, my dad was pretty controlling, so I would

1312
01:34:19.420 --> 01:34:29.540
with him a lot. My mom, she was pretty insecure about herself, and kind of close to what Alex

1313
01:34:30.320 --> 01:34:40.220
was saying, how kind of as adults, they weren't acting the way you would hope your parents would

1314
01:34:40.450 --> 01:34:50.890
act. Yeah, I don't know. I think, I guess, I know that I have to work on, like, forgiving my mom,

1315
01:34:51.250 --> 01:34:56.250
because she's, I feel like, the hardest one for me to respect.

1316
01:34:58.810 --> 01:34:59.970
So was mom

1317
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.600
You said are harsh with you. You mentioned that your dad was

1318
01:35:04.220 --> 01:35:04.960
harsh with you.

1319
01:35:05.560 --> 01:35:10.120
Yeah, it's Yeah, like my my dad was the one that was controlling.

1320
01:35:10.120 --> 01:35:13.120
He was like, you're gonna do this activity, this activity.

1321
01:35:13.520 --> 01:35:16.800
You can't do this activity because this won't get you into

1322
01:35:17.120 --> 01:35:21.600
a college. And like, why are you know, like, if I, I was a music

1323
01:35:21.600 --> 01:35:24.380
major for like a semester, and he was like, what are you going

1324
01:35:24.380 --> 01:35:26.880
to do with that? Like, are you going to be a music teacher?

1325
01:35:26.880 --> 01:35:29.540
You're not, you know, you're not going to amount to anything.

1326
01:35:30.260 --> 01:35:37.640
But um, I don't know, I think maybe because I, I, I noticed

1327
01:35:38.520 --> 01:35:41.780
sooner that that was the relationship that was harder,

1328
01:35:42.580 --> 01:35:45.140
hardest for me. So I think I prayed over that relationship

1329
01:35:45.200 --> 01:35:51.640
more. But with my mom, since I started the heart work, I, I'm

1330
01:35:51.640 --> 01:35:54.620
starting to realize kind of how resentful I am towards her

1331
01:35:54.620 --> 01:36:01.560
because I'm like, people would describe her as like, naive. Um,

1332
01:36:01.560 --> 01:36:05.700
she has a problem with her background. I think I shared

1333
01:36:05.700 --> 01:36:12.360
with you how, like she doesn't. I'm like, I asked her once, like

1334
01:36:12.360 --> 01:36:15.900
if she thought that, like someone who was white was more

1335
01:36:15.900 --> 01:36:19.820
worthy than like her and she said yes. So she has problems

1336
01:36:19.820 --> 01:36:24.380
with her identity. And she's like been experiencing like

1337
01:36:24.380 --> 01:36:28.860
depression, anxiety. And she says, like, since I was younger

1338
01:36:28.860 --> 01:36:37.220
and hasn't really tried to draw close to God for help from that

1339
01:36:37.740 --> 01:36:42.180
aspect. She's just gone straight to like a psychiatrist and she's

1340
01:36:42.180 --> 01:36:47.780
always anxious and, and there's just stuff like, like the, like

1341
01:36:47.780 --> 01:36:51.780
the last time I went to go visit, um, my, I went to visit

1342
01:36:51.780 --> 01:36:56.480
in Florida. My mom called me like she's she called me her

1343
01:36:56.480 --> 01:37:02.480
second mom. And that was uncomfortable. Because she's

1344
01:37:02.480 --> 01:37:07.220
supposed to be my mom, you know. And this year, my grandma, her

1345
01:37:07.220 --> 01:37:11.640
mom just passed away. My mom's an only child. And my mom was

1346
01:37:11.640 --> 01:37:14.500
trying to my mom and her relatives were trying to put it

1347
01:37:14.500 --> 01:37:20.500
on me to go to Jamaica and be there for the funeral and to

1348
01:37:20.720 --> 01:37:24.620
deal with the deed for the house. And I was like, I don't

1349
01:37:24.620 --> 01:37:28.620
know how to do that. Like, I don't feel comfortable having

1350
01:37:28.880 --> 01:37:34.460
that responsibility. And just the other day, my mom was like,

1351
01:37:34.820 --> 01:37:38.140
oh, when you have the money, can you please like buy these

1352
01:37:38.140 --> 01:37:42.040
sneakers for me and this is my size and this is the color. And

1353
01:37:42.040 --> 01:37:45.780
I'm thinking like, she just got remarried. Like I thought her

1354
01:37:45.960 --> 01:37:49.400
financial situation would be better. I thought her husband

1355
01:37:49.400 --> 01:37:53.800
would, you know, be more accountable, like would keep her

1356
01:37:53.800 --> 01:37:55.960
more accountable. And yeah.

1357
01:37:56.920 --> 01:38:01.280
So when your mom asked you that about the shoes, did you buy her

1358
01:38:01.280 --> 01:38:01.700
the shoes?

1359
01:38:02.500 --> 01:38:07.660
I didn't, I didn't. I've, I've, I've been Yeah, I've gotten

1360
01:38:07.660 --> 01:38:14.620
moved me to New England. And I learned very quickly that I

1361
01:38:14.620 --> 01:38:17.840
would, I used to do everything my parents told me because I was

1362
01:38:17.840 --> 01:38:21.600
like, I'm a Christian. I'm supposed to obey my parents. And

1363
01:38:21.600 --> 01:38:26.040
then I moved up here when COVID happened. And my dad was asking

1364
01:38:26.040 --> 01:38:31.460
me to send money to my mom and brother to like pay rent because

1365
01:38:31.460 --> 01:38:34.940
they were renting like, my grandma's house. And I said,

1366
01:38:34.960 --> 01:38:38.860
like, I just moved up here. I don't have furniture. I can't,

1367
01:38:39.280 --> 01:38:41.800
you know, send money down. Like I have to take care of myself

1368
01:38:41.740 --> 01:38:46.280
now. So I started to realize I have to say no. And in this

1369
01:38:46.340 --> 01:38:49.720
situation, I almost bought the shoes, because they're only 60

1370
01:38:49.720 --> 01:38:53.380
bucks. But what I didn't said was I said, you know, Hey, mom,

1371
01:38:53.400 --> 01:38:57.740
like, I won't be able to get you the shoes. But I recommend, you

1372
01:38:57.740 --> 01:39:03.200
know, putting money aside, maybe each paycheck, to be able to pay

1373
01:39:03.200 --> 01:39:09.860
it off. So, um, she responded well to that, I think. But

1374
01:39:10.820 --> 01:39:11.340
yeah.

1375
01:39:12.420 --> 01:39:17.100
Okay. So I think, absolutely, I would work on forgiving your mom.

1376
01:39:17.760 --> 01:39:22.180
And, you know, I think as well, you know, I feel like I should

1377
01:39:22.180 --> 01:39:26.280
mention that there is enmeshment that can happen in families. If

1378
01:39:26.280 --> 01:39:33.520
you look that up, it's E-N-M-E-S-H-M-E-N-T enmeshment. It

1379
01:39:33.520 --> 01:39:36.900
sounds like you're coming out of that, which is amazing. That's

1380
01:39:36.900 --> 01:39:39.780
why I asked you like, and not that it would have been the

1381
01:39:39.960 --> 01:39:42.900
thing in the world if you had bought the sneakers, okay. But

1382
01:39:43.240 --> 01:39:47.160
there are definitely boundaries the Lord is leading you to set

1383
01:39:47.160 --> 01:39:52.320
that are healthy for you so that you can move forward. But what

1384
01:39:52.320 --> 01:39:56.260
can happen is when we grew up in enmeshment, where there weren't

1385
01:39:56.260 --> 01:39:59.280
a lot of boundaries, where there was a lot of triangulation, like

1386
01:39:59.280 --> 01:39:59.980
kind of what's happening.

1387
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:07.180
as your mom is now kind of putting you in her mom role and that, that just changes the dynamics

1388
01:40:07.180 --> 01:40:14.880
in the relationship to unhealthy, um, on all kinds of levels. But as you understand, like,

1389
01:40:15.800 --> 01:40:24.580
as you grow and heal, the enemy might use her to try to kind of grab, to try not intentionally to

1390
01:40:24.580 --> 01:40:29.980
hold you back, but she doesn't know how to let go. She doesn't sound like she really knows how to

1391
01:40:30.000 --> 01:40:36.360
have a healthy life. Um, and so it will be important for you to really know what your

1392
01:40:36.360 --> 01:40:41.520
boundaries are, what, you know, where the enemy doesn't torment you because you're a Christian,

1393
01:40:41.620 --> 01:40:45.300
you have to do this and this and this and this and this, and it's never enough. It's never enough

1394
01:40:45.460 --> 01:40:52.320
where you really are. Okay. Like this is ways I can help my mom. This is stuff I can't do.

1395
01:40:52.880 --> 01:40:57.920
Um, you know, you can even lovingly say to your mom, when she says things like,

1396
01:40:57.920 --> 01:41:02.820
um, you know, you're like my second mom, no mom, I'm your daughter.

1397
01:41:03.620 --> 01:41:10.900
Um, so I'm not going to step into the mom role. Okay. And that might mean you might have to not

1398
01:41:10.900 --> 01:41:18.700
mom your mom. Yeah. Literally sometimes what can happen ladies is when our parents aren't

1399
01:41:18.700 --> 01:41:26.320
living like adults and making adult decisions, we try to parent them. Okay. And not that that's

1400
01:41:26.320 --> 01:41:32.220
case for you, but you might have to watch that because she might be trying to put you into that

1401
01:41:32.100 --> 01:41:41.140
role. And you might say, I used to do it. I, and like one of the things that I don't know how to

1402
01:41:41.140 --> 01:41:49.780
stop is my parents coming to me about my younger brother, who's an adult. And I think I've tried

1403
01:41:50.380 --> 01:41:57.040
at least telling my mom it's it's, I don't know how to do it with my dad, but I think I asked like,

1404
01:41:57.800 --> 01:42:03.500
you know, if they could stop telling me about what's going wrong with my brother, but they

1405
01:42:03.500 --> 01:42:10.260
kind of just ignore me. Um, so one of the things, and this can be really tough. So I just want you

1406
01:42:10.260 --> 01:42:17.680
to know that on the front end, but when my parents would do that, it got to the point,

1407
01:42:17.680 --> 01:42:22.880
they didn't honor my boundaries either. And so ladies learning boundaries and learning what to

1408
01:42:22.880 --> 01:42:29.240
do when people don't honor our boundaries is also very important. Okay. So I wasn't mean,

1409
01:42:29.560 --> 01:42:34.740
but when my parents would start talking about my siblings and they did not honor my boundary,

1410
01:42:34.740 --> 01:42:39.340
because I had already told them multiple times, I would say like, I'm going to give an example.

1411
01:42:39.460 --> 01:42:46.120
I'll use my dad, dad. Remember I told you, I'm not going to have conversations about Brian. And

1412
01:42:46.120 --> 01:42:51.400
I don't want to talk about this. If you continue to talk about Brian was my brother. If you continue

1413
01:42:51.400 --> 01:42:56.000
to talk about Brian, we're going to have to end this phone conversation or in-person conversation

1414
01:42:56.000 --> 01:43:02.180
or whatever that was. And, um, if he got mad or whatever, and he continued to do it, I would say,

1415
01:43:02.180 --> 01:43:08.840
dad, I really love you, but I'm going to have to hang up now. And that is how I had to do it.

1416
01:43:08.840 --> 01:43:17.580
It's not easy, but I became healthier and healthier and healthier because I was establishing

1417
01:43:17.580 --> 01:43:23.520
a new normal. I was choosing healthy and I wasn't going to get drawn into the drama all the time.

1418
01:43:23.920 --> 01:43:28.980
My family lived in drama. They didn't want to come out of drama and I did not want to live there with

1419
01:43:29.420 --> 01:43:37.100
them. And so I had to decide what do I want my life to look like, sound like, feel like,

1420
01:43:37.100 --> 01:43:44.980
and what am I willing, where am I willing to bend that? If, if there is a need, you know,

1421
01:43:45.300 --> 01:43:49.960
if there's an emergency and there's something that we really do. Okay. Somebody needs help then. Okay.

1422
01:43:49.960 --> 01:43:54.280
Yeah. We can talk about that situation with my sibling, but if you're going to gossip about

1423
01:43:54.280 --> 01:44:00.520
them and talk about them, the conversation, I love you is going to have to end. Yeah.

1424
01:44:00.700 --> 01:44:06.720
And so just start practicing that. It sounds like you're going to have to do some of that kind of

1425
01:44:06.720 --> 01:44:12.440
stuff and they may not like it in the beginning or ever, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't

1426
01:44:12.440 --> 01:44:24.960
do that for your own health. Okay. Okay. All right. And as, as far as other people and,

1427
01:44:24.960 --> 01:44:30.800
and the submission thing how do I,

1428
01:44:33.560 --> 01:44:40.680
like, if I don't agree with someone and my first instinct is to like react and be like, no,

1429
01:44:40.680 --> 01:44:50.180
that's wrong. How do I, I guess go about that so that it's not a problem.

1430
01:44:51.060 --> 01:44:56.820
Like later on, I don't, I don't know how to first, first like ask yourself, okay,

1431
01:44:57.320 --> 01:44:59.980
is this wrong? Because it's, you know, not in a line.

1432
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:07.960
with God's word, you know, like, is it something that they're asking me to do? That's not healthy

1433
01:45:07.960 --> 01:45:14.360
for healthy for me or, you know, in alignment in a good way. Now, the tricky part is we

1434
01:45:14.360 --> 01:45:21.900
can't just tell everybody what to do all the time. Okay. So there's a balance there. Um,

1435
01:45:21.900 --> 01:45:29.420
if someone is asking you to do something that is against your values, 100% you can stand

1436
01:45:29.420 --> 01:45:36.060
up and say, Hey, no, that's, that's not good. Okay. I'm not going to do that. Um, if it's

1437
01:45:36.060 --> 01:45:41.380
someone at work, um, sometimes what can be, if they're asking you to do something illegal,

1438
01:45:41.480 --> 01:45:45.740
you do not have to agree with that. You do not have to submit to that. Okay. I just want

1439
01:45:45.740 --> 01:45:52.900
to make sure I'm very clear on that. But there are times ladies where, you know, we might

1440
01:45:52.900 --> 01:45:58.560
not fully agree with every single thing that our spouse is going to do, but if they're

1441
01:45:58.560 --> 01:46:04.540
doing it with in their ability to the best of their ability to honor and love the family

1442
01:46:04.540 --> 01:46:11.380
and care for, or even just navigate their own healing and journey, um, you know, I do

1443
01:46:11.380 --> 01:46:17.440
think that there are times where God is going to ask us to lovingly pray for them, to share

1444
01:46:17.440 --> 01:46:24.140
our heart, to set healthy boundaries, but also to give them grace and not have to like

1445
01:46:24.140 --> 01:46:28.340
I said earlier, not always have to be right, you know, and prove that we're right.

1446
01:46:30.560 --> 01:46:37.060
Does that make sense? Okay. Yes. Yes. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you so much

1447
01:46:37.400 --> 01:46:51.440
for sharing. Uh, Tatiana, go ahead. Okay. Um, I'm sorry. Hi. Um, so I recently, this is like

1448
01:46:51.440 --> 01:46:56.540
so crazy that we're talking about this because I recently let something happen. Um, but I have

1449
01:46:56.540 --> 01:47:04.360
a really hard time submitting to my dad and I just, as I've gotten older, I've noticed it more

1450
01:47:04.760 --> 01:47:11.840
because I like tend to be passive aggressive and I feel like that's something I really need to

1451
01:47:11.840 --> 01:47:19.500
change because like just the other day, um, he like told me something, he like kind of just got

1452
01:47:19.500 --> 01:47:24.840
on to me and it was like, he wasn't yelling or anything. It wasn't a bad interaction, but

1453
01:47:25.080 --> 01:47:30.020
just every time he says something to me, like, I just want to roll my eyes and just like,

1454
01:47:30.020 --> 01:47:36.900
like, I just don't want to hear it. I don't care. And the problem with that was I came, I was like

1455
01:47:36.900 --> 01:47:42.620
walking inside to my house and I came inside and then I like took it out on my mom because I was

1456
01:47:42.760 --> 01:47:49.660
angry with him. And, and then she told me like, I like the very next day we talked about it and I

1457
01:47:49.660 --> 01:47:53.580
apologized to her. And she was like, that'd be like, you're passive aggressive. Like you

1458
01:47:53.640 --> 01:48:01.680
need to fix that. Um, but I know like, like, I don't feel like I can talk to him. And I feel like

1459
01:48:01.780 --> 01:48:07.000
the times that I have tried, I get so emotional and he doesn't take me seriously or like,

1460
01:48:07.000 --> 01:48:13.720
like, I just don't know how to present myself well. So I ended up yelling or whatever, and it's just bad.

1461
01:48:18.600 --> 01:48:26.100
I'm going to mute you just for a second, Tatiana, just because I was getting feedback and then you

1462
01:48:26.100 --> 01:48:35.420
can just unmute yourself to talk again. Um, so, um, on some of this, um, in a second, when you

1463
01:48:35.420 --> 01:48:42.700
let me know if you live with your dad as well. Um, but I want to encourage you. Um, there's a

1464
01:48:42.700 --> 01:48:50.180
couple things, um, in the rolling eyes. It's so interesting that you're even mentioning this

1465
01:48:50.180 --> 01:48:56.760
because there's this woman at our church that literally, if I say something and she doesn't

1466
01:48:56.760 --> 01:49:03.260
like it, she rolls her eyes at me. And I just told Brian, this just happened again, Sunday.

1467
01:49:03.820 --> 01:49:08.920
I was like, she clearly didn't like what I was saying because she rolled her eyes at me again.

1468
01:49:09.720 --> 01:49:17.500
Um, and it's really frustrating, but I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, but, you know,

1469
01:49:18.280 --> 01:49:25.380
I know that that's happening in her because she doesn't want to submit to the authority that

1470
01:49:25.380 --> 01:49:33.500
God has placed me in, in the church there. She, she wants to do things her way. And I even said

1471
01:49:33.500 --> 01:49:38.060
to her like, Hey, we can meet in the middle here. Like, I'm not saying I'm not listening to what,

1472
01:49:38.440 --> 01:49:43.520
but like, she just doesn't, she does not want a woman telling her what to do.

1473
01:49:44.180 --> 01:49:50.640
It's very evident. So with your dad, I would encourage you to look at when is the first time

1474
01:49:50.640 --> 01:49:55.220
you started feeling this way with him, where you just, you know, no matter what he says,

1475
01:49:55.580 --> 01:49:59.800
you just are annoyed with him, feel rebellion, feel disgust, whatever.

1476
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:05.920
feelings are, because I would like you to identify that as well. Just kind of pray like,

1477
01:50:06.100 --> 01:50:10.120
Lord, when I'm rolling my eyes, what's really underlying under there?

1478
01:50:11.900 --> 01:50:18.840
You know, is it disgust? Is it that I think my dad's a fool? Is it that, you know, I don't want

1479
01:50:18.840 --> 01:50:24.760
my dad telling me what to do because I saw my dad hurt my mom? You know, like whatever it is,

1480
01:50:25.280 --> 01:50:30.660
that you will be able to, with the Lord, identify what's kind of the source of

1481
01:50:30.660 --> 01:50:36.680
the rolling of the eyes. The other thing that I was going to say is that

1482
01:50:38.860 --> 01:50:45.460
I want to encourage you to pray about writing your dad a letter about how you think and feel.

1483
01:50:46.640 --> 01:50:51.620
Because when you write a letter, you're going to have more time to process your emotions.

1484
01:50:52.240 --> 01:50:57.420
You're going to have more time to really identify what it is that you're trying to say.

1485
01:50:58.400 --> 01:51:05.400
Now, he may or may not receive it well, we don't know. But I feel like for you to practice,

1486
01:51:05.660 --> 01:51:10.720
like writing on paper, what you think, and you don't have to necessarily hand him that paper,

1487
01:51:11.180 --> 01:51:16.440
but you can have that paper with you. So that when you go to talk to your dad, it will be a point

1488
01:51:17.240 --> 01:51:23.620
you know, like a support for you. It'll help you stay on track. And then when those emotions,

1489
01:51:23.860 --> 01:51:29.260
when you feel that, because typically when our emotions go way up, we feel it in our flesh,

1490
01:51:29.620 --> 01:51:38.020
and then we just give into it. Okay? The Holy Spirit can empower you to walk in peace.

1491
01:51:39.880 --> 01:51:45.040
Peace is one of the fruits of the Spirit. And so the more we mature in the fruits of the,

1492
01:51:45.040 --> 01:51:49.640
in the Spirit, and we spend time with the Lord, so you might need to pray

1493
01:51:49.900 --> 01:51:55.420
and spend time with the Lord before you go visit your dad, you know, and really center yourself.

1494
01:51:55.900 --> 01:51:59.940
And it doesn't always have to be these long prayer sessions. Okay? Sometimes that's really

1495
01:51:59.940 --> 01:52:04.120
good. Okay? But it might even be like, hey, if you're going to go visit your dad, maybe you need

1496
01:52:04.120 --> 01:52:09.520
to put a worship song on the way there. You know, maybe one that's peaceful, that helps you kind of

1497
01:52:09.690 --> 01:52:15.090
and, you know, the praise and worship and the happy ones are amazing, but those might not be

1498
01:52:15.090 --> 01:52:21.430
the ones to put on before you go see dad. Okay? Because if you're feeling some kind of anxiousness,

1499
01:52:21.450 --> 01:52:29.350
it might feed that, even if it's a happy song. So do you live with your dad as well?

1500
01:52:30.550 --> 01:52:36.050
Yes, I do. Okay. So you live with mom and dad, and I forget you're 19, correct?

1501
01:52:36.050 --> 01:52:39.870
Yes. Yeah. I'm in college right now. All right. I just was trying to remember,

1502
01:52:40.550 --> 01:52:45.950
so, and I'm not trying to minimize it, but I do want you to know some of this is normal, that,

1503
01:52:46.550 --> 01:52:51.450
that change that's happening because you're, you're a young adult now, and you're still living

1504
01:52:51.450 --> 01:52:57.890
at mom and dad's, and it seemed like you really resonated with, did dad hurt mom at some point?

1505
01:52:58.830 --> 01:53:03.850
And that's when you started. So I don't know if he said something or did something, but you met,

1506
01:53:03.850 --> 01:53:08.930
an expression that came up on your face when I said that. And so that, that kind of leads

1507
01:53:08.930 --> 01:53:13.850
me to think there was a memory that might've popped up there for you. And so if there were

1508
01:53:13.850 --> 01:53:19.490
times that you felt like your dad was not kind or mistreated your mom in some way,

1509
01:53:20.570 --> 01:53:26.650
what can happen is we can actually take up an offense for other people. And I,

1510
01:53:26.650 --> 01:53:29.770
I have a feeling that you've taken up an offense for your mom.

1511
01:53:31.710 --> 01:53:35.770
Yeah. I want to, like, as you were talking about that, like, I want to cry.

1512
01:53:37.510 --> 01:53:42.270
Because like my, my relationship with my mom, like, I'm like, we're very, very close to each

1513
01:53:42.350 --> 01:53:48.610
other. And I feel like for her in terms of submission, like, it's so easy to submit to

1514
01:53:48.610 --> 01:53:52.050
her because even if she's like telling me something, I don't want to hear it. Like,

1515
01:53:52.050 --> 01:53:58.910
I love her so much that it's like, like, I'll do it for you. Like, yeah, I want to cry right now,

1516
01:53:58.910 --> 01:54:07.630
but I definitely do see that, that I just, I feel like I see a lot of hypocrisy and just like,

1517
01:54:08.930 --> 01:54:14.450
sometimes just the way he talks to her, it's like, she's so smart. She's so fun. Like, don't,

1518
01:54:15.170 --> 01:54:22.930
don't minimize who she is. And, and I feel like it just makes me mad, but then I don't say anything.

1519
01:54:24.110 --> 01:54:27.990
Hey, so I think those are some of the things that might need to go in that letter. And hey,

1520
01:54:27.990 --> 01:54:32.610
I don't want you to feel like you have to give that to him or you have to say it out loud. I

1521
01:54:32.610 --> 01:54:37.350
think right now, processing how you feel when you're seeing those things happen to your mom

1522
01:54:37.350 --> 01:54:43.230
is going to be a really big part of helping you. And then forgiving your dad for the times that

1523
01:54:43.230 --> 01:54:49.270
you feel like there is that hypocrisy or he's treating your mom, like she's not smart or any,

1524
01:54:49.410 --> 01:54:55.030
any of that stuff. Cause this definitely hit, hit something for you. And so when I encourage you to

1525
01:54:55.270 --> 01:54:59.970
process that out, but just, you know, allow.

1526
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:06.060
yourself when you're writing this to feel mad, to feel sad, whatever it is you have to feel,

1527
01:55:06.800 --> 01:55:12.640
so that you can really truly surrender your dad to the Lord as well.

1528
01:55:16.720 --> 01:55:18.140
Okay. Thank you.

1529
01:55:18.900 --> 01:55:23.160
You're welcome. You're welcome. And we're going to be praying for your dad. And you know, you

1530
01:55:23.160 --> 01:55:28.380
might find that if you talk to him again, I don't know your dad, but you might find that

1531
01:55:28.380 --> 01:55:32.300
he becomes truly repentant for what he's been doing and saying.

1532
01:55:36.040 --> 01:55:37.120
Yeah. Thank you.

1533
01:55:37.680 --> 01:55:41.520
You're welcome. We're praying for you. Let us know how it goes. If you choose to talk to him,

1534
01:55:41.540 --> 01:55:45.200
or even in the, if you don't choose to talk to him, but just write a letter to help yourself

1535
01:55:45.240 --> 01:55:48.080
either way, we'd love to hear how that goes for you. Okay.

1536
01:55:49.220 --> 01:55:49.660
Okay.

1537
01:55:49.660 --> 01:55:53.020
All right. Awesome. Thanks for sharing. Teresa, go ahead.

1538
01:55:54.380 --> 01:55:55.220
Hi, Bethany.

1539
01:55:55.220 --> 01:55:55.920
Hi.

1540
01:55:57.180 --> 01:56:01.260
Okay. I thought I was going to tell you something that felt like it was kind of simple,

1541
01:56:01.340 --> 01:56:06.400
but then as we went, God showed me something more that's actually harder to talk about. So

1542
01:56:06.400 --> 01:56:13.200
I'm going to do that. I realized that it is easier for me to lead than to be led.

1543
01:56:16.000 --> 01:56:26.200
And what I wrote down first was that I saw this vision of like a dog who obeys and catches and

1544
01:56:26.200 --> 01:56:33.880
fetches and does all the things, but doesn't want to roll over and show his belly. So being

1545
01:56:34.760 --> 01:56:41.860
vulnerable is a struggle, not doing what's being asked. There's not a problem with that. It's the

1546
01:56:41.860 --> 01:56:49.700
vulnerable. And it may have a connection with the one thing I was going to say earlier.

1547
01:56:50.440 --> 01:56:55.100
When I asked God, when you talked about forgiveness, I asked God, is there anything else

1548
01:56:55.640 --> 01:57:06.440
that I haven't forgiven? And with my dad, he is very slow to fulfill what he says he's going to do

1549
01:57:07.160 --> 01:57:12.940
or to do the things. And sometimes they just never get done. So there's an anxiousness that

1550
01:57:12.940 --> 01:57:19.400
comes anytime I ask something with an expectation that it's likely not going to be done. So God

1551
01:57:19.540 --> 01:57:25.680
showed me, yeah, we need to work on that with when I'm asking God for something right now,

1552
01:57:26.020 --> 01:57:32.940
and I get distracted easily after I ask. So there's a fear that is coming up and I want to

1553
01:57:32.940 --> 01:57:38.320
have peace and trust that my God says he's going to do it. He's going to do it. He's not a God

1554
01:57:38.320 --> 01:57:44.120
that's slow to answer. And so I start thinking about that scripture, but still after that even

1555
01:57:44.120 --> 01:57:49.920
was when I realized it's easier for me to lead than be led. And I absolutely do not want to

1556
01:57:49.920 --> 01:57:56.780
take that into a relationship. Yes. So, you know, I think the best direction for you, Teresa,

1557
01:57:56.780 --> 01:58:02.060
is to ask the Lord the first time that you were vulnerable and it didn't go well for you.

1558
01:58:04.560 --> 01:58:09.120
Okay. So that doesn't have to be even massively extreme. It could have been that you felt like

1559
01:58:09.120 --> 01:58:15.320
your feelings didn't matter that they weren't honored. It could be more extreme. It might

1560
01:58:15.320 --> 01:58:20.460
have been that someone actually said something, you know, harmful or hurtful when you were

1561
01:58:21.060 --> 01:58:27.120
vulnerable. And it might not even be parents. It could have been a friend. And I'm actually,

1562
01:58:28.280 --> 01:58:31.860
have you had something like that happen with a friend? Cause I just saw like, as if someone

1563
01:58:31.860 --> 01:58:35.960
came up and hugged you and like, have you ever seen the movie scenes where they kind of like,

1564
01:58:36.040 --> 01:58:40.900
makes me even think of a shoot. I'm not going to think, be able to think of the name of,

1565
01:58:41.000 --> 01:58:44.680
but where they stab you in the side, they come up close and they stab you in the side,

1566
01:58:45.140 --> 01:58:50.380
you know, someone where they, they got up close and there was a level of intimacy and then the

1567
01:58:50.540 --> 01:58:56.100
wound happened. And so I want just you to be praying into that. Yeah. Because typically

1568
01:58:57.400 --> 01:59:03.040
at some point when we no longer feel comfortable to show vulnerability, it's because vulnerability

1569
01:59:03.160 --> 01:59:10.320
was mishandled. That's, you know, at some point in the past or we saw someone else be vulnerable

1570
01:59:10.880 --> 01:59:15.920
and then they were mistreated. So if it wasn't you, it could have been someone that you saw

1571
01:59:15.920 --> 01:59:20.900
kind of like Tatiana seeing her mom get mistreated. It's causing all this stuff in her,

1572
01:59:20.900 --> 01:59:29.540
regarding her dad. And then the other thing is that in, so this happens even in the heartwork.

1573
01:59:29.720 --> 01:59:33.820
And so I do want to encourage you all, which I appreciate you helping each other in the chat,

1574
01:59:34.120 --> 01:59:38.200
but just remember when you're in the heartwork, you're here to just receive,

1575
01:59:39.040 --> 01:59:43.740
Hey, you all aren't here to coach or help anybody. And that was really beautiful. What I saw,

1576
01:59:44.000 --> 01:59:48.800
I'll see going on in the chat, but I just want to remind everybody. And the reason I'm, I feel like

1577
01:59:48.800 --> 01:59:54.000
this is kind of the Lord, even bringing this conversation up by what you're saying. Some of us,

1578
01:59:55.140 --> 01:59:59.920
it's really quite vulnerable to come in the heartwork and take off all of our.

1579
02:00:01.340 --> 02:00:06.380
You know, myself included when I came through the heart work, I wanted to help everybody.

1580
02:00:08.320 --> 02:00:09.440
I'm a good helper.

1581
02:00:09.800 --> 02:00:10.660
I am.

1582
02:00:11.260 --> 02:00:13.220
And so I just wanted to help everybody cheer them on.

1583
02:00:13.220 --> 02:00:14.280
I'm a good cheerleader.

1584
02:00:14.480 --> 02:00:21.560
I can encourage people and those are great things, but I do that also as a protection

1585
02:00:21.920 --> 02:00:27.940
mechanism, because if I stopped doing that, you know, sometimes if you just sit in the

1586
02:00:27.940 --> 02:00:31.760
silence, you can actually feel your emotions.

1587
02:00:32.660 --> 02:00:35.780
So sometimes I'm so going from one thing to the next thing to the next thing.

1588
02:00:36.060 --> 02:00:40.480
And it's not even that I'm not intending to work on the things because y'all I coach you

1589
02:00:40.480 --> 02:00:40.940
all the time.

1590
02:00:40.940 --> 02:00:43.640
I think about all the things that God is showing me to work on.

1591
02:00:44.660 --> 02:00:45.560
And so what happens?

1592
02:00:45.660 --> 02:00:51.320
I go and get a massage and God has a way of bringing things out of us, doesn't he?

1593
02:00:51.660 --> 02:00:55.840
And so, you know, what comes to mind is that easier to lead than be led.

1594
02:00:55.840 --> 02:00:59.440
There's a level of, I don't trust you to lead me.

1595
02:01:00.140 --> 02:01:01.980
I can lead better.

1596
02:01:03.140 --> 02:01:05.120
I can do this without you.

1597
02:01:05.580 --> 02:01:10.960
You know, there's all these things that come up in us because somewhere along the way,

1598
02:01:12.280 --> 02:01:18.920
someone that was supposed to lead us hurt us and they didn't lead so well, if you will.

1599
02:01:19.480 --> 02:01:25.040
And so from that point on, we decided, well, I'm going to be the leader here.

1600
02:01:25.780 --> 02:01:29.740
So I want to encourage you to come out of alignment with that, that you're the only

1601
02:01:29.740 --> 02:01:36.800
one that can lead and that you're not safe when other people lead and start to partner

1602
02:01:36.800 --> 02:01:37.500
with that.

1603
02:01:37.520 --> 02:01:38.600
I am God defended.

1604
02:01:38.960 --> 02:01:42.700
I'm going to come into agreement with interdependence on God.

1605
02:01:42.740 --> 02:01:45.420
I can trust you God to lead me really well.

1606
02:01:47.180 --> 02:01:54.480
And to do what you say, you're going to do and follow through because when we can't,

1607
02:01:54.780 --> 02:01:59.680
when our dads or our moms say they're going to do things and they don't follow through

1608
02:01:59.680 --> 02:02:04.220
you all, it just causes us to think God isn't going to follow through, you know, just like

1609
02:02:04.220 --> 02:02:04.720
them.

1610
02:02:05.400 --> 02:02:05.920
Yeah.

1611
02:02:05.920 --> 02:02:07.680
So start with those couple things.

1612
02:02:07.680 --> 02:02:09.420
Let's see where this leads you.

1613
02:02:10.500 --> 02:02:16.700
Again, I'm always, I, for some of you, I'm like, okay, it's, it's that, it's that thing.

1614
02:02:16.700 --> 02:02:21.240
But for some of you, the others, I'm like, okay, I think that this is going to lead you

1615
02:02:21.240 --> 02:02:22.440
to something else.

1616
02:02:22.440 --> 02:02:27.140
This is really important and it's going to help you a great deal, but I think it's going

1617
02:02:27.140 --> 02:02:30.880
to lead you to some other sources of healing that are a little bit deeper.

1618
02:02:31.160 --> 02:02:37.340
That may be because that struggle to turn your belly over and be vulnerable at times,

1619
02:02:37.340 --> 02:02:40.920
it's also causing you to, you want to go deep.

1620
02:02:41.000 --> 02:02:48.740
You want to heal, but there's a level of, wow, like if I really go all in here, what's

1621
02:02:48.740 --> 02:02:52.920
going to get uncovered, you know?

1622
02:02:53.160 --> 02:02:55.320
And so you don't have to be afraid.

1623
02:02:55.660 --> 02:03:01.120
God's going to help you and he's going to help you process things and love on you every

1624
02:03:01.120 --> 02:03:01.800
step of the way.

1625
02:03:01.920 --> 02:03:02.780
He will.

1626
02:03:04.260 --> 02:03:04.440
That's good.

1627
02:03:04.720 --> 02:03:05.240
Yeah.

1628
02:03:05.240 --> 02:03:05.540
That's good.

1629
02:03:05.860 --> 02:03:06.180
Thank you.

1630
02:03:06.180 --> 02:03:06.660
Thank you for sharing for you.

1631
02:03:06.900 --> 02:03:07.560
You're welcome.

1632
02:03:08.880 --> 02:03:09.660
Thank you for sharing.

1633
02:03:09.900 --> 02:03:10.720
Crystal, go ahead.

1634
02:03:14.300 --> 02:03:14.500
Thank you.

1635
02:03:14.600 --> 02:03:17.960
This has all been so very, very good.

1636
02:03:18.040 --> 02:03:21.240
And that last part was really helpful for me.

1637
02:03:21.740 --> 02:03:26.520
I'm kind of a, like, what does it look like?

1638
02:03:26.920 --> 02:03:32.740
So when you talk about submission, it almost becomes like this word out here.

1639
02:03:32.740 --> 02:03:41.140
I look at the definitions, but I think I'm assessing myself and I'm going, okay, I think

1640
02:03:41.140 --> 02:03:42.720
I submit, but do I?

1641
02:03:43.020 --> 02:03:45.200
And then I start thinking about like work.

1642
02:03:46.240 --> 02:03:48.160
I've been married before.

1643
02:03:49.220 --> 02:03:56.060
It wasn't a good marriage, so it's not a good, like, I'm thinking what's healthy biblical

1644
02:03:56.060 --> 02:03:56.580
submission.

1645
02:03:56.780 --> 02:03:58.580
What are baby steps that I can take?

1646
02:03:58.580 --> 02:04:07.040
Almost, it just seems so kind of out there that I'm wondering how do I step into it?

1647
02:04:07.320 --> 02:04:12.100
And probably what I would think is like for both you and Annette, what were ways that

1648
02:04:12.100 --> 02:04:16.380
you started practicing healthy biblical submission before marriage?

1649
02:04:16.640 --> 02:04:18.020
What did that look like?

1650
02:04:19.040 --> 02:04:24.940
So you can kind of have a gauge because in your own subjectivity, you think, oh, I'm

1651
02:04:24.940 --> 02:04:25.600
doing pretty good.

1652
02:04:25.600 --> 02:04:30.320
It really isn't until you get into marriage that you go, oh, I didn't even know what submission

1653
02:04:30.320 --> 02:04:30.700
was.

1654
02:04:31.660 --> 02:04:33.020
Does that make sense?

1655
02:04:33.620 --> 02:04:34.080
It does.

1656
02:04:34.500 --> 02:04:40.960
And I think my first response is kind of like what I was saying to Susan earlier.

1657
02:04:42.220 --> 02:04:47.160
Are we having trouble submitting at church to other people in authority over us?

1658
02:04:47.280 --> 02:04:48.340
How's it going at work?

1659
02:04:48.340 --> 02:04:57.100
Am I practicing, you know, even if I don't fully agree with the boss's direction that

1660
02:04:57.100 --> 02:04:59.980
he's choosing, am I just rebelling against that?

1661
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:05.440
or am I choosing to honor him because God, you know, I believe God led me to that job

1662
02:05:05.500 --> 02:05:10.880
and they're in authority over me. Now, again, there's the balance and wisdom there. You know,

1663
02:05:10.880 --> 02:05:16.960
we don't want to go against our values or things like that. But to me, those are genuinely things

1664
02:05:16.960 --> 02:05:22.580
that I was doing to practice preparing to also submit in relationship with my husband.

1665
02:05:22.580 --> 02:05:31.560
And I think also, you know, in the beginning, even when you're dating, I mean,

1666
02:05:32.400 --> 02:05:39.760
there's these opportunities that are presenting themselves to trust the person that you're now

1667
02:05:39.760 --> 02:05:45.300
dating to, you know, lead you to, it doesn't mean they're over you like a covering, but like,

1668
02:05:46.180 --> 02:05:54.260
even like to just let them pick like a surprise date. I mean, my control freak self in the past,

1669
02:05:54.260 --> 02:05:59.480
sometimes it was not super comfortable with that because I've had people mistreat me and

1670
02:05:59.480 --> 02:06:06.020
trick me and lie and all this stuff. And so looking at the character of the person,

1671
02:06:06.680 --> 02:06:15.940
Brian was trustworthy. So I didn't have to partner with fear to, in a sense, trust him and,

1672
02:06:16.320 --> 02:06:21.620
and not submit because I wasn't, it wasn't a big decision over us at the time, but like,

1673
02:06:22.320 --> 02:06:26.500
even in that small decision to like, not have to get all the answers.

1674
02:06:28.140 --> 02:06:33.780
So would you like, let's say, for example, you gave the example of work we were submitting to

1675
02:06:33.780 --> 02:06:39.980
or submitting in his decision-making. And so let's just say, you know, you're finding yourself,

1676
02:06:41.200 --> 02:06:44.600
or maybe I submit at work, but then I talk about my boss later.

1677
02:06:46.360 --> 02:06:54.840
So then do you start asking yourself questions? Like, how do you get to the root of what is not

1678
02:06:55.560 --> 02:07:03.280
like the, the root issue, the lot, the, the center lie, because I feel like it all comes

1679
02:07:03.280 --> 02:07:09.740
down to lies and truth. It really does. It does 100%. And Crystal, I think, you know,

1680
02:07:09.740 --> 02:07:16.720
as soon as you feel that, that feeling rise up in you, it's like, Oh, hello there. You know,

1681
02:07:16.720 --> 02:07:22.280
you kind of take note of it and then you're yeah. When you're making note of it in your phone or

1682
02:07:22.280 --> 02:07:27.760
whatever. And when you have time with the Lord, like, Hey Lord today at work, this, I mean,

1683
02:07:27.760 --> 02:07:31.500
he already knows, but I just talked to him. I talked to him. Like, he's my friend, Lord,

1684
02:07:31.560 --> 02:07:36.020
this happened. And like, even when that happened with that woman yesterday and she rolled her eyes

1685
02:07:36.040 --> 02:07:41.700
Lord, that didn't feel good. Like, and that may, I felt some kind of way with it too. So where can

1686
02:07:41.700 --> 02:07:47.500
you show in me, like, what is it in me? That's also getting this feeling of frustration now,

1687
02:07:47.500 --> 02:07:53.840
you know, so really looking at, okay, is this because what they're asking me is not healthy

1688
02:07:53.840 --> 02:08:00.040
or good, or is this something in me that I just don't want to follow someone else's lead? Because

1689
02:08:00.040 --> 02:08:04.780
a, I think they're wrong. They should have done something else or, you know, what is it in us?

1690
02:08:06.560 --> 02:08:14.720
Okay. Another thing to, to look at ladies is, you know, how, how were our parents, you know,

1691
02:08:14.720 --> 02:08:21.100
how did our parents, um, work well together? Did the mom complain about the dad behind his

1692
02:08:21.100 --> 02:08:26.100
back? Cause you said something interesting. You said, do you, you know, maybe do I submit

1693
02:08:26.280 --> 02:08:32.180
at work and then go home and talk about it. So I didn't know if that, if you meant to talk,

1694
02:08:32.600 --> 02:08:36.800
you know, about your boss to someone, or if you just met, you know, talk to the Lord,

1695
02:08:37.200 --> 02:08:41.820
but it brought up a good point, whether that is what you meant or not, there are times where

1696
02:08:41.820 --> 02:08:48.640
we might, you know, kind of save face in that moment, but then go home and grumble and complain

1697
02:08:48.640 --> 02:08:54.660
about it. Right. And that's not healthy either. Yeah. So we have to really watch what's going on

1698
02:08:54.660 --> 02:09:02.340
in our heart and look at, okay, where did this come from in me? Is this something? Cause God

1699
02:09:02.340 --> 02:09:09.560
didn't put grumbling and complaining in us. That's sometimes I go ahead. I was gonna say,

1700
02:09:09.560 --> 02:09:16.980
sometimes I find that the closer, like if a lie has, uh, you know, like the neural pathway

1701
02:09:17.340 --> 02:09:27.280
is well written in my brain, it's harder to recognize because the conscience will protect

1702
02:09:27.280 --> 02:09:32.300
that subconscious. It's almost like, I mean, I hate to say this, but almost feels like

1703
02:09:32.300 --> 02:09:38.500
I can get with God, but it's so protected that even the conversation, I mean, just most recently

1704
02:09:38.500 --> 02:09:45.240
he showed me, he said, no, that, that isn't what is true in this situation. And he really

1705
02:09:45.240 --> 02:09:53.060
unveiled a whole nother level of a, I was like, Oh, wow. Um, what you're talking about crystal

1706
02:09:53.640 --> 02:09:59.980
is when you're talking about how there's that kind of fortified place inside, you know, that's what

1707
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:06.800
what is a stronghold. Okay. So when the Bible talks about strongholds, and a lot of times

1708
02:10:06.800 --> 02:10:12.500
I like to kind of think of it like this typically, and it can happen other ways too, but this

1709
02:10:12.500 --> 02:10:19.000
is just one of the things I've learned. If I'm hurt in a way, okay, here, and I don't

1710
02:10:19.000 --> 02:10:24.200
process it and I don't heal. And even I try to, but maybe there's just still a whole lot

1711
02:10:24.200 --> 02:10:29.620
to that. And then something later happens. That's very similar, feels similar, looks

1712
02:10:30.420 --> 02:10:34.640
similar inside. Even if on the outside, it's not the same situation, but it feels similar.

1713
02:10:35.100 --> 02:10:39.480
It's adding another layer. Okay. And then now I've got two layers. Well then if I don't

1714
02:10:39.480 --> 02:10:44.440
heal from those things, well then here comes number three. And then it just keeps adding

1715
02:10:44.440 --> 02:10:49.160
and adding. And that's how that can become more fortified and more strong. And so that's

1716
02:10:49.160 --> 02:10:53.980
where it's really important for us to keep short accounts, um, with our hearts, with

1717
02:10:53.980 --> 02:10:58.320
our attitudes, with our thoughts. That's why I'm saying to you all, like, you know, sometimes

1718
02:10:58.320 --> 02:11:02.380
I'm on the go, I'm going so fast. I'm going, I haven't even fully got to deal yet all the

1719
02:11:02.380 --> 02:11:06.580
way with what that, that woman rolling her eyes at me. But as I'm coaching you all tonight,

1720
02:11:06.620 --> 02:11:12.080
it's coming up in my spirit. And so that's telling me, okay, like I need to spend some

1721
02:11:12.080 --> 02:11:16.520
time with that tomorrow because this is not something that's happened one time with her.

1722
02:11:16.520 --> 02:11:21.400
This has happened with her multiple times. Now get this, you all in our church in Indiana,

1723
02:11:21.720 --> 02:11:27.620
there was a woman there as well. Y'all want to guess what she did? Rolled her eyes, rolled

1724
02:11:27.620 --> 02:11:33.100
her eyes at me multiple times. So this is a spirit that's in operation that's happening

1725
02:11:33.100 --> 02:11:39.560
and it's manifesting in these women. And then I, it causes me to feel like insecure, like

1726
02:11:39.560 --> 02:11:44.080
they don't like me. Why, why is she acting like that? I'm saying something good here.

1727
02:11:44.080 --> 02:11:50.080
Like, you know, so there's all this stuff. So it's, you know, I need to continue to hone

1728
02:11:50.080 --> 02:11:55.440
in on like, okay, what is really, I do believe it's a spirit of religion. That's trying to

1729
02:11:55.440 --> 02:11:59.200
try and doesn't like what I'm saying, because I'm trying to move, help us move forward.

1730
02:11:59.220 --> 02:12:04.760
My husband and I were trying to change the culture in the church and not everybody likes

1731
02:12:04.760 --> 02:12:12.580
that. Okay. I see deliverance ministry on the horizon. Yeah. Yeah. And so anyways, so

1732
02:12:12.580 --> 02:12:17.800
when you're feeling that, like, it feels like it's protected, it's probably because there's

1733
02:12:17.800 --> 02:12:22.800
been similar hurts and wounding that have now become a little bit in that strong, kind

1734
02:12:22.800 --> 02:12:29.520
of that strong fortified. But as you continue to heal and you just ask God to help you remember

1735
02:12:29.520 --> 02:12:34.680
take down, do not enter signs, Lord, even like, if I don't know how to get into this

1736
02:12:34.680 --> 02:12:41.760
area, Lord, will you just help me know, you know, one thing that will start to bring illumination

1737
02:12:41.760 --> 02:12:47.680
freedom to this whole area. And that's good. Yeah. And he'll walk you through it. Yeah.

1738
02:12:47.680 --> 02:12:51.580
Walk you through it. Thank you so much, Bethany. I'm going to have to go tonight, but thank you.

1739
02:12:51.660 --> 02:12:55.820
That's okay. So good. Thank you. Yeah. We're gonna, we're gonna do our best to close up here

1740
02:12:56.220 --> 02:13:01.100
as soon as we can, but I want Shelly and Jodi to be able to go. Shelly, go ahead.

1741
02:13:05.700 --> 02:13:11.500
Sorry about that. All right. I'm going to take my hand down. I'm new at all this.

1742
02:13:12.400 --> 02:13:16.580
You're doing great. And you know what? I didn't even really want to share anything

1743
02:13:16.580 --> 02:13:22.440
except for the first lady that came on. I forgot her name, Alexandria or whatever.

1744
02:13:23.700 --> 02:13:29.360
Ever since I started heart works, I've heard a lot about their kids, the kids talking about

1745
02:13:29.360 --> 02:13:33.620
their parents, what they've gone through as kids. And I've been trying to think, okay,

1746
02:13:33.620 --> 02:13:39.300
what kind of trauma have I had? And I've had a good childhood. Parents were married forever.

1747
02:13:39.680 --> 02:13:45.440
Childhood, sweethearts went on vacations. I got to play all kinds of sports. But then I started

1748
02:13:45.440 --> 02:13:51.820
thinking when she was speaking, because it's happened more than once. And I I'm in that

1749
02:13:51.820 --> 02:13:58.320
situation. I'm the parent and I've got a 16 year old daughter and she's the same. I can tell she's

1750
02:13:58.440 --> 02:14:05.300
struggling with me. And so it hurts and it breaks my heart because I know her feelings are real.

1751
02:14:05.760 --> 02:14:12.180
They're valid. And I understand that as a parent, I don't know what to do. So here I am trying to

1752
02:14:12.180 --> 02:14:16.660
figure out my side. And so just to give you a little background, like I said, I feel like my

1753
02:14:16.780 --> 02:14:25.660
childhood was great. I can't pinpoint anything particular. I was married. I met my ex-husband

1754
02:14:25.660 --> 02:14:33.240
when I was 16. He was 18. We were married for 25 years. We dated for seven. We got a divorce about

1755
02:14:33.240 --> 02:14:40.220
three years ago because he had an addiction and I had to leave his sister as a missionary to Africa.

1756
02:14:40.360 --> 02:14:46.260
And she's the one that said that I needed to. And I just felt like since he was sick, you know,

1757
02:14:46.260 --> 02:14:51.640
according to your vows, you're not supposed to leave. But anyway, that was really hard for me

1758
02:14:51.640 --> 02:14:59.980
and to process. And I think my kids, we all kind of it just, it took the road.

1759
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:06.020
up from underneath us all. And I think we're all trying to figure out what to do. Um, and

1760
02:15:06.020 --> 02:15:10.720
so now, and she was going through middle school. So if you can only imagine a teenage daughter,

1761
02:15:11.260 --> 02:15:14.020
you know, girl going through middle school and then going through all of this, you know,

1762
02:15:14.020 --> 02:15:19.080
being raised in a Christian home and nobody's getting divorced as this and that, I mean,

1763
02:15:19.120 --> 02:15:24.960
no drinking, no nothing, just everything flows. And then all of a sudden this. And so, um,

1764
02:15:25.840 --> 02:15:30.600
I got lots going on because with everybody that spoke, there's something like even you

1765
02:15:30.600 --> 02:15:38.140
with the rolling of the ice. I have that at work too. And, uh, so that's the only reason

1766
02:15:38.140 --> 02:15:42.440
why I raised my hand is because I really think that this is a good program. And I remember

1767
02:15:42.440 --> 02:15:47.400
when Jackie first was speaking, when I started this, she said that it was just for women.

1768
02:15:47.420 --> 02:15:52.000
And then the guys, she heard from some guys saying, yo, you need this for the guys as

1769
02:15:52.000 --> 02:15:57.320
they read a book or something. And so she opened it up to the guys. Well, I'm thinking

1770
02:15:57.320 --> 02:16:01.660
you'll need it for like teenage daughters or for families or something, because I've

1771
02:16:01.660 --> 02:16:06.340
done their, I shouldn't say therapy. I've just gone to counseling with them, but I don't

1772
02:16:06.440 --> 02:16:12.220
know if they get to the heart of it, I guess. I don't know, but I'm not saying it's all

1773
02:16:12.220 --> 02:16:21.180
her. I think it's on both ends. Um, anyway, that's pretty much all that I've got to say

1774
02:16:21.180 --> 02:16:23.960
here, because I'm still trying to figure all this out. And I will tell you that the

1775
02:16:23.960 --> 02:16:30.980
one word I think that it was today or another day, it was peace that I chose. I don't know

1776
02:16:30.980 --> 02:16:37.120
how many times I've heard peace today. It's like, just like this little confirmation that,

1777
02:16:37.120 --> 02:16:42.459
uh, that's what I'm looking for. That's what I'm striving is to have that peace because,

1778
02:16:42.840 --> 02:16:46.740
uh, someone mentioned anxious. Yes, I get anxious. And I think it's because I've been

1779
02:16:46.740 --> 02:16:52.500
with them so long and having that thing tore from underneath me, another rug. And, um,

1780
02:16:53.299 --> 02:16:57.420
you just, I'm, I'm just in limbo. Like, God, what do you want me to do? Where am I supposed

1781
02:16:57.420 --> 02:17:03.600
to be? And I'm trying to be the best mom that I can. And here I am being torn. She's basically

1782
02:17:03.600 --> 02:17:08.040
saying I'm not a good mom and she doesn't want her kids to be around me when she has

1783
02:17:08.040 --> 02:17:14.540
kids, not that she has kids now, thank goodness. But, um, it's just hard. You know, I've processed

1784
02:17:14.540 --> 02:17:20.160
my emotions for the most part. Now I'm trying to focus on her as well as try to keep up a

1785
02:17:20.160 --> 02:17:27.040
household. So that's, that's pretty much it. Well, first way to go. You did great. And I'm

1786
02:17:27.040 --> 02:17:33.760
so thankful for what you shared. Um, I also just want to honor you for a minute as a mom and I

1787
02:17:33.760 --> 02:17:41.260
want to honor all the moms in here. Y'all the struggle is real. Okay. And God loves you and

1788
02:17:41.260 --> 02:17:46.540
loves your daughter and your family, and he's going to help you all, uh, continue to find your

1789
02:17:47.240 --> 02:17:58.000
way. Um, I remember years ago when I was married, um, I have a stepson that my now husband, uh,

1790
02:17:58.000 --> 02:18:04.639
had, he was, his girlfriend was pregnant when I met him. Never should have continued in that

1791
02:18:04.639 --> 02:18:10.299
relationship y'all, but I did. So I have a stepson and, um, when he was little, he would

1792
02:18:10.299 --> 02:18:16.520
scream at his mom and say, he hated her. And I remember one day saying to her, cause I had

1793
02:18:16.520 --> 02:18:22.920
heard this from someone don't don't just don't show him emotion now that he was little. Cause

1794
02:18:22.920 --> 02:18:28.719
if you show him that you feel some kind of way, he's gonna, he's going to keep doing that. And,

1795
02:18:29.219 --> 02:18:34.879
uh, that helped her, but you know, that's tough when stuff is going on and you can't always do

1796
02:18:34.879 --> 02:18:44.660
that. Right. And so I would encourage you just to ask the Lord, um, to reveal what, um, what I'm

1797
02:18:44.660 --> 02:18:49.799
hearing the Lord say is what's the bridge Lord. And what I mean by that is what's the bridge,

1798
02:18:49.959 --> 02:18:56.020
God, that, that you want to create between my daughter and I in this healing process,

1799
02:18:56.620 --> 02:19:01.160
Lord. And that, you know, that when he shows you what that is, you can just start praying into it

1800
02:19:01.160 --> 02:19:06.400
because, you know, we pray into things a lot of times before they happen. And the other thing I

1801
02:19:06.400 --> 02:19:10.520
was going to say to you is the peace thing. I don't think it's by coincidence that I talked

1802
02:19:10.520 --> 02:19:16.459
about just, you know, when we submit to God that, you know, he declares this covenant of peace with

1803
02:19:17.180 --> 02:19:21.840
us. Um, and so here you are hearing and seeing that word over and over and over again. And I

1804
02:19:21.840 --> 02:19:29.520
think that just as you said that tonight, what I thought of, have y'all ever seen, you know, where

1805
02:19:30.240 --> 02:19:34.400
there's, I forget what it's called in the ocean, but where it swirls so much that it,

1806
02:19:34.940 --> 02:19:38.000
and I don't even know if this really happens, but it's been in little cartoons and movies,

1807
02:19:38.020 --> 02:19:42.620
but where it goes and you can see the bottom of the ocean literally, because it's just a swirl

1808
02:19:42.920 --> 02:19:49.120
of water. And I used to always think of, you know, certain things like that, but what I saw for you,

1809
02:19:50.340 --> 02:19:56.760
Shelly, was that you were standing on ground and the Lord was covering you literally with his

1810
02:19:56.760 --> 02:19:59.940
peace and the storm, you know, is what was.

1811
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:03.860
swirling around you, but in him, you're covered.

1812
02:20:04.040 --> 02:20:05.620
It's like a force field.

1813
02:20:06.020 --> 02:20:08.400
And so I believe that that is God's word for you

1814
02:20:08.400 --> 02:20:11.300
in this season, that he's gonna help you figure out

1815
02:20:11.540 --> 02:20:15.000
how to navigate this new path forward

1816
02:20:15.000 --> 02:20:17.780
in ways that you can even ask, think, or imagine.

1817
02:20:18.080 --> 02:20:20.520
Like literally, I think your life is gonna be,

1818
02:20:20.780 --> 02:20:23.440
you personally, everything might not all be worked out

1819
02:20:23.440 --> 02:20:25.840
in the physical yet, but you are personally

1820
02:20:25.840 --> 02:20:28.400
gonna be a different person even six months from now.

1821
02:20:28.920 --> 02:20:31.440
And so I wanna encourage you just to continue to pray

1822
02:20:31.440 --> 02:20:34.920
and intercede for your daughter, pray for that bridge,

1823
02:20:35.000 --> 02:20:38.080
and let's see what God shows you regarding this.

1824
02:20:39.100 --> 02:20:41.820
And then the other thing I was just gonna say

1825
02:20:42.460 --> 02:20:46.700
is that regarding the rug pulled out from under you,

1826
02:20:46.700 --> 02:20:49.940
I 100% understand that, I have felt that in the past,

1827
02:20:52.180 --> 02:20:56.220
but my concern for you in partnering with that statement

1828
02:20:56.760 --> 02:20:59.360
is that a lot of times what will happen

1829
02:20:59.360 --> 02:21:01.520
is the enemy will tell you the same thing

1830
02:21:01.520 --> 02:21:04.020
is gonna happen again if you go into another marriage.

1831
02:21:04.600 --> 02:21:06.380
The rug is just gonna get pulled out from you,

1832
02:21:06.420 --> 02:21:08.400
the other shoe is gonna drop, okay?

1833
02:21:09.000 --> 02:21:11.840
And so I wanna encourage you just to be careful

1834
02:21:11.980 --> 02:21:14.580
and come out of alignment with,

1835
02:21:17.820 --> 02:21:21.160
you know, like the enemy's tactics

1836
02:21:21.160 --> 02:21:22.760
and that in the future,

1837
02:21:22.900 --> 02:21:24.220
you're gonna experience the same things.

1838
02:21:24.220 --> 02:21:27.400
Again, it doesn't mean that it's not how it felt to you,

1839
02:21:27.520 --> 02:21:30.740
but we have to be careful in how we think about things

1840
02:21:30.740 --> 02:21:32.800
and process them so that we don't partner

1841
02:21:32.800 --> 02:21:35.540
with a lie in the process, does that make sense?

1842
02:21:37.660 --> 02:21:40.220
Yes, it does, I appreciate you, thank you.

1843
02:21:40.640 --> 02:21:42.700
You're welcome, thank you so much for sharing.

1844
02:21:42.840 --> 02:21:43.980
Jodi, go ahead.

1845
02:21:45.940 --> 02:21:48.320
Thanks for staying on so I could share.

1846
02:21:48.960 --> 02:21:49.460
You're welcome.

1847
02:21:52.300 --> 02:21:55.580
I would definitely say I'm not someone

1848
02:21:55.580 --> 02:21:56.940
who struggles with submission.

1849
02:21:57.860 --> 02:22:00.100
In fact, probably to the other extreme

1850
02:22:00.100 --> 02:22:02.700
was more of a people pleaser growing up

1851
02:22:03.020 --> 02:22:05.300
and really had to like work through breaking

1852
02:22:05.300 --> 02:22:08.760
that kind of off of myself, you know,

1853
02:22:08.760 --> 02:22:10.940
growing up and just in my maturing.

1854
02:22:12.280 --> 02:22:16.460
But just as I was sitting here trying to just ask the Lord,

1855
02:22:16.600 --> 02:22:18.220
is there anything you wanted to reveal?

1856
02:22:19.460 --> 02:22:22.860
I kind of was like, okay, where am I not giving my like,

1857
02:22:22.440 --> 02:22:26.340
yes, you know, where is there any resistance in me?

1858
02:22:26.660 --> 02:22:28.620
And so I kind of just reframed it for myself

1859
02:22:28.620 --> 02:22:32.540
so that I wouldn't disqualify myself from the conversation.

1860
02:22:33.660 --> 02:22:36.580
And it happened to just highlight

1861
02:22:36.580 --> 02:22:39.100
and kind of reframed the one thing

1862
02:22:39.100 --> 02:22:42.100
that I'm really struggling with, like literally right now.

1863
02:22:43.160 --> 02:22:46.800
And it's that I have this opportunity

1864
02:22:46.800 --> 02:22:50.740
where I've been invited to become an elder at my church.

1865
02:22:51.540 --> 02:22:53.700
And that's a huge like honor.

1866
02:22:53.980 --> 02:22:56.680
And it's at a very big church, actually,

1867
02:22:56.680 --> 02:22:59.040
we have four locations.

1868
02:23:01.140 --> 02:23:04.480
And so it's, and we just transitioned

1869
02:23:04.480 --> 02:23:06.880
from the founding pastors to the new pastor.

1870
02:23:07.040 --> 02:23:09.300
So it's the new pastor who reached out to me.

1871
02:23:10.340 --> 02:23:12.260
And so it's a really neat thing.

1872
02:23:12.780 --> 02:23:18.400
And I've been wrestling with this in giving my yes.

1873
02:23:18.740 --> 02:23:23.600
And I like, I live giving my yes very radically to God.

1874
02:23:24.300 --> 02:23:27.640
I became self-employed straight out of school

1875
02:23:28.280 --> 02:23:30.580
because I knew God called me to it.

1876
02:23:30.700 --> 02:23:34.140
Like, so I'm willing to do things afraid

1877
02:23:34.140 --> 02:23:36.520
and scared and courageously and all of that.

1878
02:23:37.160 --> 02:23:40.040
So this is, it stood out to me as like,

1879
02:23:40.040 --> 02:23:41.700
why am I so hesitant?

1880
02:23:42.500 --> 02:23:44.760
And I realized that a big part of why I'm hesitant

1881
02:23:45.440 --> 02:23:49.580
is he kept saying to me, you're an elder for life.

1882
02:23:49.600 --> 02:23:51.000
And then they want, you know,

1883
02:23:51.000 --> 02:23:54.200
like this initial three-year commitment and all of this.

1884
02:23:54.860 --> 02:23:57.860
And here I am trying to stir up this faith in me

1885
02:23:57.860 --> 02:24:00.520
that I can be willing to like believe

1886
02:24:00.520 --> 02:24:01.800
that I could get married.

1887
02:24:01.800 --> 02:24:04.940
And who knows what God could do with that.

1888
02:24:05.380 --> 02:24:09.360
And so this yes, it brought up this fear

1889
02:24:09.360 --> 02:24:13.680
that if I give my yes, I could be saying, wow,

1890
02:24:13.760 --> 02:24:16.400
I could be saying no to getting married

1891
02:24:16.780 --> 02:24:19.680
because I'm not gonna tell yes to them

1892
02:24:19.980 --> 02:24:25.540
and be an elder for life or even just give the three years

1893
02:24:25.580 --> 02:24:27.320
and also try to believe

1894
02:24:27.320 --> 02:24:29.140
that this could be my last year single.

1895
02:24:29.580 --> 02:24:33.080
And so that was a weird thing

1896
02:24:33.080 --> 02:24:35.700
because it's like, I would be submitting to the church

1897
02:24:35.700 --> 02:24:37.680
like in a different level.

1898
02:24:38.260 --> 02:24:43.640
And then I found out today that like legally in my state,

1899
02:24:43.940 --> 02:24:46.160
I'm now, I would be even like legally responsible

1900
02:24:46.160 --> 02:24:49.060
for the decisions made at our church, not the pastor.

1901
02:24:49.300 --> 02:24:51.300
And so it's like a whole nother level

1902
02:24:51.300 --> 02:24:53.060
of like submitting to the role.

1903
02:24:53.620 --> 02:24:54.760
And again, like I said,

1904
02:24:54.800 --> 02:24:56.560
we have thousands of people at my church

1905
02:24:56.680 --> 02:24:59.660
and it's a small board of people that I would be.

1906
02:25:00.000 --> 02:25:07.460
like on the active board so it's a kind of like a whole different way of thinking and i'm really

1907
02:25:07.460 --> 02:25:13.580
trying to figure out i couldn't figure out why i was struggling with this yes because i've never

1908
02:25:14.540 --> 02:25:21.480
really resisted giving god a yes especially something that you you shouldn't say yes to

1909
02:25:21.480 --> 02:25:27.260
something like you shouldn't resist this like that's an honor you know well okay i i want to

1910
02:25:27.260 --> 02:25:34.600
i want to have you pause there for a second i'm not saying you shouldn't do it but i am

1911
02:25:34.840 --> 02:25:41.020
going to also encourage you to we shouldn't always say yes to everything that's asked of

1912
02:25:41.020 --> 02:25:46.520
us in the church even when it's an honorable role if god isn't calling you to that in this

1913
02:25:46.520 --> 02:25:52.880
season of your life then that isn't god's best yes for you and that might be why you haven't

1914
02:25:52.880 --> 02:26:00.500
felt led to say yes right now because the reality is ladies if we are giving which

1915
02:26:00.500 --> 02:26:06.760
supernatural saturday was about capacity if we're giving our capacity to something else it doesn't

1916
02:26:06.760 --> 02:26:12.300
mean we're going to miss out on our spirit mate if god is calling you to that awesome go for it

1917
02:26:12.300 --> 02:26:17.560
because god's going to bless that tremendously but i don't think this is just fearing you i think this

1918
02:26:17.560 --> 02:26:21.720
is actually some discernment because you're looking at all the layers of what it really

1919
02:26:21.720 --> 02:26:28.000
involves for you to commit to this that's a good thing you're being a good steward of your heart of

1920
02:26:28.000 --> 02:26:33.640
your word of your commitment and that is amazing um and so i would encourage you to keep praying

1921
02:26:34.040 --> 02:26:39.080
don't feel pressured is this like something you have to tell him yes in a certain timeline i'm

1922
02:26:39.620 --> 02:26:43.600
assuming yeah like he kind of was like if you can tell me in the next couple weeks if i don't hear

1923
02:26:43.600 --> 02:26:47.920
from you i'll certainly reach out because i'll want an answer so you have a couple weeks at

1924
02:26:47.920 --> 02:26:52.060
that's good i was hoping i was just wanting to make sure it wasn't something like you got to

1925
02:26:52.060 --> 02:26:57.220
tell him in a few days so let's just take a couple weeks i would encourage you to be in proverbs

1926
02:26:57.740 --> 02:27:04.960
reading wisdom you know read the book of james but i want to also like kind of where i started

1927
02:27:05.120 --> 02:27:13.000
is caution you on allowing the enemy to guilt you into doing it because this isn't something

1928
02:27:13.000 --> 02:27:21.020
you should ever say no to well there are times that even paul quit doing what he was doing

1929
02:27:21.020 --> 02:27:28.260
to give the mantle to someone else you know and there were times that he didn't get involved in

1930
02:27:28.260 --> 02:27:33.940
certain things you know and even jesus you know when the religious religious leaders were saying

1931
02:27:33.940 --> 02:27:39.960
certain things to him he didn't just always go do what they were saying so just think about that a

1932
02:27:40.200 --> 02:27:44.960
bit because i want to make sure that there's not a spirit of religion trying to guilt you

1933
02:27:44.960 --> 02:27:52.320
into doing something i want you to go in because you feel at peace about it you feel again now we

1934
02:27:52.320 --> 02:27:59.020
might not always feel like um like have all the things like we're scared of worked out but we

1935
02:27:59.020 --> 02:28:05.000
should feel excited about something one of the things that i have this has happened to me and

1936
02:28:05.000 --> 02:28:11.240
it's okay if this doesn't happen for you but when i am called into something and it really is the

1937
02:28:11.240 --> 02:28:21.000
lord my heart will burn like how jesus met the man on the road to emmaus and their hearts burned with

1938
02:28:21.000 --> 02:28:27.040
did not our hearts burn within us that's what they said when they realized who had been with them

1939
02:28:27.500 --> 02:28:34.140
okay and so there's a level of calling and anointing on things and a grace and a favor

1940
02:28:34.140 --> 02:28:38.840
and if we step into those things before that grace and the favor and the calling are there

1941
02:28:38.960 --> 02:28:45.820
just because someone's asked us then we can get into tricky waters okay and here's the thing

1942
02:28:47.660 --> 02:28:55.000
um i don't want you to feel like you have to be an elder for life like as in you're just committed

1943
02:28:55.000 --> 02:29:00.280
to that church forever so that's something that you need to ask them more about is that just

1944
02:29:00.280 --> 02:29:06.280
because he's saying like in in our church in our denomination once someone's a pastor they're

1945
02:29:06.280 --> 02:29:13.060
always honored as a pastor so he could be saying it in that way okay so let's discover more of what

1946
02:29:13.060 --> 02:29:18.500
that actually means okay does it mean that once you're an elder and you serve you're just always

1947
02:29:18.500 --> 02:29:23.420
going to be honored as an elder in the church which is probably the case but let's find out

1948
02:29:23.420 --> 02:29:31.840
and make sure that we understand what that means okay yeah because i think that i if i didn't have

1949
02:29:31.900 --> 02:29:39.680
if i wasn't in this process allowing myself to have the faith to that you know i could get married

1950
02:29:40.100 --> 02:29:45.560
yeah i don't think i would have as much hesitancy i think i would be like because i've been here at

1951
02:29:45.560 --> 02:29:54.560
church for over 20 years yeah so i wouldn't be but i know that if i do that and i'm locking in

1952
02:29:54.560 --> 02:29:59.100
and committing even committing just the three years that they asked me to be on the board initially

1953
02:30:00.000 --> 02:30:03.420
That's like, now I have to say I'm unwilling to move,

1954
02:30:03.840 --> 02:30:04.960
you know, because I'm committed.

1955
02:30:05.760 --> 02:30:08.040
And that's the part that makes me scared of like,

1956
02:30:08.080 --> 02:30:13.960
am I saying no to this if I say yes to the elder thing?

1957
02:30:14.540 --> 02:30:15.680
Well, and here's something

1958
02:30:15.680 --> 02:30:17.600
that you should consider, Jodi, okay?

1959
02:30:18.080 --> 02:30:20.340
Every couple of years, churches,

1960
02:30:20.480 --> 02:30:21.940
or depending on when, you know,

1961
02:30:22.000 --> 02:30:24.780
they have rotation of elders on and off, okay?

1962
02:30:25.040 --> 02:30:25.520
Yeah.

1963
02:30:26.880 --> 02:30:29.400
Your no doesn't have to be a not ever.

1964
02:30:29.400 --> 02:30:31.840
It could just be not right now.

1965
02:30:31.940 --> 02:30:32.540
Yeah.

1966
02:30:32.940 --> 02:30:35.460
And if that leader holds that over you,

1967
02:30:35.640 --> 02:30:37.860
never ask you again because of that,

1968
02:30:37.960 --> 02:30:41.340
because you don't feel like the timing is right,

1969
02:30:41.400 --> 02:30:44.120
then that's not healthy, okay?

1970
02:30:44.120 --> 02:30:45.960
Because just because we, again,

1971
02:30:46.060 --> 02:30:49.080
just because a leader asks someone to do something

1972
02:30:49.080 --> 02:30:51.400
doesn't mean that person has to feel

1973
02:30:51.400 --> 02:30:53.520
that it's the right season for them.

1974
02:30:54.380 --> 02:30:55.980
That's true leadership,

1975
02:30:55.980 --> 02:30:58.540
where then that leader gives that person grace

1976
02:30:58.540 --> 02:31:02.240
and blesses them and, you know,

1977
02:31:02.700 --> 02:31:04.780
you know, goes on their way, if you will,

1978
02:31:04.840 --> 02:31:05.700
and loves that person.

1979
02:31:05.860 --> 02:31:07.200
But you know what I'm saying,

1980
02:31:07.240 --> 02:31:09.160
where there's not this control and stuff happening.

1981
02:31:09.420 --> 02:31:09.620
Yeah.

1982
02:31:09.980 --> 02:31:10.940
Yeah, yeah.

1983
02:31:10.940 --> 02:31:12.540
So we'll be praying for you,

1984
02:31:12.600 --> 02:31:14.320
looking forward to hearing what you, you know,

1985
02:31:14.320 --> 02:31:16.020
as God is leading you, what you,

1986
02:31:16.460 --> 02:31:20.300
what he shows you and seeing how that goes for you.

1987
02:31:20.620 --> 02:31:22.440
Ladies, I'm gonna close this out.

1988
02:31:22.540 --> 02:31:23.860
I'm gonna pray real quick.

1989
02:31:24.080 --> 02:31:26.580
Father, thank you so much for this amazing night.

1990
02:31:26.580 --> 02:31:29.000
Thank you for every story that's been shared.

1991
02:31:29.740 --> 02:31:31.720
Thank you for the breakthroughs, the revelation,

1992
02:31:32.200 --> 02:31:33.820
the healing that's taking place.

1993
02:31:34.260 --> 02:31:36.220
God, we thank you for your hedge of protection around us

1994
02:31:36.220 --> 02:31:36.940
and our families.

1995
02:31:37.240 --> 02:31:39.740
We, God, we ask you to give us back, you know,

1996
02:31:39.740 --> 02:31:43.660
even days where we are doing things for you, God,

1997
02:31:43.680 --> 02:31:46.420
that you'll just continue to meet us there and bless us

1998
02:31:46.580 --> 02:31:49.140
and pour back into us, God, in the heartwork

1999
02:31:49.140 --> 02:31:50.560
that you would help all of these ladies

2000
02:31:50.560 --> 02:31:52.100
to hear what your spirit is saying

2001
02:31:52.100 --> 02:31:53.820
louder than any voice of the enemy.

2002
02:31:53.820 --> 02:31:57.720
God, we thank you that you would, yes, Lord,

2003
02:31:58.140 --> 02:32:00.080
help them to continue to see themselves

2004
02:32:00.080 --> 02:32:01.480
the way that you see them,

2005
02:32:01.580 --> 02:32:04.260
that their identity would be in you, God,

2006
02:32:04.540 --> 02:32:07.800
and they would love themselves really well this week.

2007
02:32:07.900 --> 02:32:10.800
In Jesus' name, amen, amen, amen.

2008
02:32:10.960 --> 02:32:12.180
Good night, everyone.

2009
02:32:12.340 --> 02:32:13.520
Have an amazing night.

2010
02:32:13.860 --> 02:32:14.340
Bye-bye.

2011
02:32:15.140 --> 02:32:15.620
Bye.