WEBVTT

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Hi everyone, welcome.

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Happy Monday, everyone.

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We're back for another round of heart healing.

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I'm so glad to have you joining us.

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If you're joining us for the first time, you've never been here for a live session before,

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would love for you to let us know in the chat that you are new here.

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We want to welcome you.

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Sorry, you all had a little thing come up saying that note-taking was on.

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I was just making sure that turned off.

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Sometimes this AI stuff, I love it.

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And sometimes we just got to make sure it all gets turned off.

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But welcome for those of you joining us again.

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You've been here before.

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Welcome back.

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We're so glad that you're here, not only as a part of the heart work,

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but a part of the community and what God is doing in this season and the ways that

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he is raising up kingdom families and marriages for such a time as this.

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Kathleen and Taylor, welcome for your first time.

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So glad to have you all joining us.

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My name is Bethany Cooper.

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I'm one of the master heart work coaches in the community.

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We also have Annette Lewis here with us tonight.

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She is one of our peer coaches.

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Sometimes you'll see her commenting as well, or Andrea.

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They're both peer coaches and have done a fabulous job.

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So they are joining us tonight and so glad to have her.

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A couple of housekeeping things.

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I don't know if you all know this, especially for our new ladies, just a heads up.

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We don't allow any outside content into our group.

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So when I say that, what I mean is post or content or devotions that are created by individuals,

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businesses and ministries outside of last year single.

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And the reason we do that is that some things seem like, okay, that's simple.

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I could read that real quick and myself or the coaches and we could approve it.

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But the reality is a lot of times, even when people share sermons,

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we would have to sit and listen to the whole sermon in order to keep that on our page.

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And we just don't have the capacity to do that.

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And so we just keep that guardrail across the board.

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So even on devotions or anything like that, that comes from an outside source,

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that's not last year single.

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If you all have posted that no one's in trouble or anything,

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because a lot of times people just don't know that.

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But I did want to let you all know, if you put something up in the last week

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that had something like a sermon attached to it, it's always this catch 22 for me,

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because some of y'all even share some really heartfelt things.

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Like this is what this sermon said to me.

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And there's no way for me to reach out to you directly and say,

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hey, I have to take this down.

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This is why.

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But I did want to let you know, it is nothing personal.

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And if you would like to repost what you did without the attachment,

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you can absolutely do so.

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And we can leave that up in the group.

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So I did want to let everybody know that.

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Also, a couple other things really quick for our new ladies joining us.

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Best practice is to press pause on dating,

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trying to meet guys while you're here in the heartwork.

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And distractions are going to come,

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and the enemy is going to try to bring guys your way and all of the things.

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And we want to encourage you just to stay really focused.

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I'm going to talk about distraction and more here in just a little bit.

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So another housekeeping item I have for you all,

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and I want to start by saying grace upon grace upon grace.

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In the heartwork process, it's really important for y'all to extend

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race to yourself and even beyond the heartwork process.

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Has anyone ever felt like the Lord's just like,

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hey, daughter, why are you being so hard on yourself?

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Why are you being so harsh and mean when you're thinking things?

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And so I want to encourage you all just be really cautious

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of how you're speaking to yourself,

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how you're treating yourself all of the time.

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But especially in the heartwork, you want to work on self-care.

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So breathing, eating really healthy, moving your bodies,

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drinking a lot of water, getting plenty of rest.

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I was telling the afternoon group, I went on Friday.

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We are getting massages, my husband and I, every month,

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once a month now to help us process stress and relax.

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And y'all, I love it.

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But this last time I went and I loved it too,

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but I had what is called enhanced muscle therapy.

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I don't know if y'all have ever done that.

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It was painfully good.

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But you know, what's interesting is later that day,

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I started feeling some kind of way.

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I was like, what's going on with me?

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And I'm like really irritated by everything my husband is saying.

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And that's not normal for me.

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We get along really great.

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And I just started really kind of assessing

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because I was feeling angry, agitated, and just frustrated.

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And then it dawned on me like, oh, I had it.

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the deep muscle, you know, massage.

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And the reason I'm mentioning this to you

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is that you are in the heart work process

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and God is going to be massaging your heart

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during this time.

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And I just want you to know one of the things

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that when I looked up kind of like, oh yeah,

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I know kind of, I kind of understand what's happening

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when kind of those light bulbs started going off.

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But I just looked up like, what are some good things to do

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to get this toxins out of my body

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so I can kind of come through this?

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And one of the things y'all had said

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was to not judge yourself for what you're feeling.

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And so I just wanted, for whoever that's for tonight,

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I just wanted you to know some of what's gonna come up

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when you're in the heart work.

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You're gonna feel tempted to judge yourself

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and be harsh with yourself in this process.

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I wanna encourage you to come out of alignment

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with those mindsets or behaviors or thought patterns

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and extend grace to yourself in this process.

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All right, so I'm gonna pass it over to Nat.

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She's gonna do another housekeeping for us item

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and pray us in.

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Okay, hello everyone.

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Glad to be here with you this evening again.

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Like Bethany was talking about giving yourself grace

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and space and opportunity when God's massaging you.

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Jackie's Supernatural Saturday actually talked about that

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because it's really important to give yourself time

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to process if you're just running from one thing

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to the next, one thing to the next.

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It's you really need the quiet and the space

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and the self-care time to be able to reflect

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and slow down and hear Holy Spirit.

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And that's what Supernatural Saturday was on

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is just preparing yourself to have the capacity

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for all that God wants to give you.

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I know it spoke to me and was a real blessing.

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If you can't be there on Saturday mornings,

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be sure to listen to the replay

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and we will look forward to seeing you all there

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and hope you're continued to be blessed by the time.

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Okay, I'm gonna pray us in

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and we'll go ahead and get started.

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Heavenly Father, thank you for the privilege

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that we have to be gathered together tonight

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to learn and to grow.

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I pray Holy Spirit that you would open our hearts

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and our minds and our eyes to all that you have for us,

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all that you're trying to speak in us and through us

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that we would give ourselves grace

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because you give us grace every day, Lord God,

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and you help us in our time of need.

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So tonight, especially, open the doors of our hearts,

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help us to surrender control to you

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and to walk in alignment and agreement

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with all that you're trying to teach us

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and to give ourselves the opportunity to learn and grow

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and be healed and transform our hearts

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into the women of God that you have called us to be.

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Bless Bethany tonight as she speaks, speak through her,

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and I pray that your Holy Spirit would be upon her

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as she shares.

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In your name I pray, amen.

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Amen, amen.

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Y'all, this afternoon I was,

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before we go into our content,

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something that I just felt led to share with you,

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this really resonated for me

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and I think it will also prepare us,

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you know, not just for the whole heartwork journey

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but for what God has for us tonight with the content.

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I want you to be thinking about

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what has your attention been on, even today?

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And when I say that, I want you to be thinking about,

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like, where has your mind gone today?

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Was it somewhere that was life-giving

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or was it somewhere that was life-taking

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in your thought processes, okay?

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And I wanna talk about our attention versus distraction.

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As I was reading this afternoon,

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just some things the Holy Spirit was saying to me

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through some of what I was reading

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was just this reminder that as God is working in us,

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you guys will know this,

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the enemy's always trying to oppose

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everything that God is doing, okay?

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So that's the simplified version

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of what I'm gonna talk to you about for a few minutes.

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But the other side of this

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is the enemy is always wanting to pull our attention away

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from faith and away from what God is doing

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and put our attention onto what he's doing, okay?

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Or what he's trying to do.

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We know the Bible says that he roams around

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like a roaring lion.

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Y'all, he's not the lion of the tribe of Judah.

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There's one lion of the tribe of Judah

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and that's the God that we serve.

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He's the one that has all authority,

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that's already won the victory through Jesus Christ's coming.

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The victory is already won for you

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to step into everything that God has for you.

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And I know that can be really hard for us to comprehend

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sometimes because we feel things in the physical realm

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and we have thoughts that tell us

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that the promises of God aren't going to come for us.

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Isn't that right?

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this truth? The enemy is always opposing what God is doing in your life. So our attention is one of

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the greatest commodities that the enemy is after. That's why it's really important for us to get a

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hold of our thoughts. Remember, we talked a couple weeks ago, if you're brand new, you'll hear me

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talk about this again in a few weeks and I'll talk about it pretty much every week because it's that

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important that we get a hold of our minds. You know, I shared that story about the massage as

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well. Here's why, because my husband wasn't saying or doing it. He got, he got a massage that day

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too. So we were both kind of edgy. And I even said to him, we were on our way to a date night after,

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you know, a little while later. And I said, did you feel any of these things happening to you

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just because I wanted to see, was this just me or did he experience anyways?

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You know, it takes a lot of self-awareness to pause and really recognize like I'm feeling

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some kind of way and this isn't my normal self. So what's going on here, Lord, to just pause and

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ask God really good questions. So I want to encourage you all in your day to day, even long

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beyond when you're in the heartwork course, I want you to really dial in to who are you,

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what is God doing in you? And when something is different, when it's not in alignment with that,

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like who God called you to be, the promises, the blessings, and it's assaulting that other,

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like it's assaulting the promise. It's assaulting your peace. Cause that's what

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was happening that night. My literal flesh was trying to tell me I wasn't safe.

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But that wasn't true. But what was happening is weeks and months of stress were getting pushed

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out of me through that massage. And they were getting pushed out of my muscles and all the

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things. Some of you all have had trauma stored in yourselves for quite some time. Okay. So when

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that's coming out and you're processing, some of you are going to feel like crying and you won't

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know why. That's how I felt that night. Like I literally like felt like the little girl on the

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inside of me was like, I just want to cry. And I just don't know why. And I just like,

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that is legitimately how I felt on the inside. And so I want you to understand that these things

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happen. They are normal. There's nothing wrong with you. Some of you are going to feel numb.

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You're going to feel that self-preservation technique of numbing. You're gonna feel that

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up. Well, why? Well, because somewhere along the way, when you were younger,

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that was a coping mechanism that you learned to protect yourself from something that felt hard

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or confusing, or, you know, you name it, whatever you felt when you were younger.

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So either way, I want to encourage you, if you feel numb, that you really start asking the word,

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when is the first time I started numbing as a behavior to protect myself and allow God to come

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in and heal those areas and to let the rivers flow ladies. Okay. If you feel like crying,

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when you can, obviously I'm not saying just break down everywhere you go. If you're at work,

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you know, we want to try our best to keep it together, but here's this thing. Some of you

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have heard that your entire life, it's not safe to cry. It's not safe to show your emotion. It's,

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if you do, you feel like you need to hide afterwards because you just let too much out.

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You let people see the real you. Some of you Nadine wrote in the group, like when she feels bubbly and

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talks and shares, the enemy tries and tell her that that's not accepted, that that's not loved.

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And so the isolation kind of kicks in for her from that. So whichever way it is for you,

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through this, that you would hopefully learn how to step further into who God originally created

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you to be. So back to my original question, where has your attention been in the last day,

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the last few days? Has your attention been on faith and the promises that God has given you on

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like being focused on those things, not obsessed with them, but just focused on your heart work,

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on what God's doing in you, on the winds that he's creating in your life, or has your mind wandered

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to all the things that have not happened yet for you, the distractions, the disruptions, fear,

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panic, anxiety. So I want you just to kind of come out of that tonight a little bit more.

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And we're going to start talking about submission. And I do, we do have some app things going on,

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y'all. We have a solution that we're going to announce next Monday. Okay. So I know notifications

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haven't been happening. I see some chat happening. I just want to make to comment on that so we can

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lean into where we're going to go next. We're taking care of that the best that we can,

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our developers looking into those problems, ladies. But we also have a new solution that

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we will announce next week when we're ready. Okay, so just pray for us, pray for our developer,

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pray for all these tech kinks. If your post or your comment has not been responded to yet,

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it is probably because our team, we're just not seeing everything. I've been in there answering

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a lot of people. I had nothing left in my queue. So I see some people saying they didn't get a

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comment back. So we'll get to it and hopefully we'll see that. Pray that God just brings your

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post to the top and that wherever it's at hiding right now, that God just brings it out of hiding

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just like we're asking for revealings for healing. Do y'all believe this stuff can happen? I believe

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God can do it. So let's partner with that. And we're going to start talking about submission

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tonight. This isn't a word that a lot of people love to talk about. Some people are fine with

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submission. And if that's you, that's amazing. And I hope we hear from you tonight as well.

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But there are a lot of people that have heard and learned a lot of really unhealthy things

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about submission. And so we're going to debunk some things tonight. And we're going to also

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really try to lean into helping you all heal from some of the things that you have learned

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that have harmed you in some way. We're going to start first though with who God is and who

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he is not. Okay. So I'm going to start with who he is not first. God will not trespass.

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God will not trespass. He must be permitted to enter. Now you're like, well, wait, this is God.

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He can do anything he wants. He's mighty. He's, you know, yes, he is all those things,

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but we know that the word declares that we have to open our hearts to Jesus. We have to accept

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him as our Lord and savior. We have to receive him. And that's when he enters our heart and our life.

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The Bible we're going to talk about a little bit later also declares that God stands at the door

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of our hearts and he knocks. And then if we enter, then he comes in. So for those of you

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that might feel like God is trying to impose or force his agenda on you, some of you are terrified

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that he's going to ask you to marry someone that you don't even think is attractive. You have

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nothing in common with them. He's just going to force you to do this. No, no. That isn't how it

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is. He's going to force you in this process to surrender your list. Because some of y'all have

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a big old long list that God never intended for you to have. And some of you have a list that's

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been created out of trauma and trying to protect yourself from getting hurt or staying away from

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something you think harmed you before. And so you, you're like, I'm never dating anybody.

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You know, that's a police officer. Maybe your dad was a police officer. I'm never going to

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marry someone in ministry. Maybe you're a PK and that was really hard for you.

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Whatever it is, ladies, God will not trespass. He must be permitted to enter. God is a giver.

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And one of the most beautiful gifts that he has given to each one of us is free

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will and choice. You get to choose him. You get to live your life for him. He respects our

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boundaries and he is not going to force things upon you. Submission, unfortunately, a lot of

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religious men and women have weaponized this word for years and years and years. They portrayed

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their thoughts and messages as from God himself, but they have been misrepresenting God and his

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heart and his truth regarding what the word submit actually means. And you all, some of them

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think that they are saying the right thing, but they're taking things out of context.

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They're taking a verse or two and they're preaching on it. And dare I say, some of them, I try to

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tread lightly because, you know, we don't ever want to speak against God's anointed, but some

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of these people are maybe not even studying the depth of what these things are saying.

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So I don't want you to be afraid of being in churches around people or, but we need to be

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learning the word, reading the word. If you don't know how to study it,

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get with someone that can teach you how to actually study the word of God for yourself.

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The Bible says that we should rightly divide the word. Back in the day, no joke, you all,

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everything the pastor said, I believed it as gospel. What do I mean by that?

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I believed it to be true. If he said it, it was true. Now, I'm not saying that's the like, it's not bad to trust people. It's not bad to believe that God can use my pastor.

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Now my husband to preach a word in season to speak truth and and all this stuff to me, and that does happen most of the time.

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But way back years ago on occasion, and I love him and I adore my former pastor and I am not saying he was a bad pastor. He was a wonderful pastor, but there were times that some of the messaging that came through was religious and controlling and manipulative.

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Why and how can that happen? Well, anybody that has any kind of unhealed wound in their heart, guess what? All of us do this too. So let's not judge the pastors right now.

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Y'all know we all on at some point have misunderstood the word of God through our own wounds through our own filter system, and we've said something to someone that has misled them.

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We haven't intended to. But full confession back in the day, I mean, man, I just, yeah, I believed everything they said and I would convey that. And then the Lord started like, no, I didn't say that.

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And he started checking me and I started learning a little bit more about the father's heart and who the father is and what his love really looks like and what his love really sounds like. And, and you know what, it didn't always sound like what I was hearing.

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And so that's been the case for some of you. It's been the case for some of you where the things that you've heard, and even now, a couple of weeks ago, we had a lady, she might even already be in phase two by now, but, you know, we're in here trying to minister to you all as singles.

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We're trying to, you know, believe for you, poor hope. And we, I mean, this is stuff that Jackie spends a lot of time studying and looking into myself and like, we're literally looking and reading through this stuff. And I've even asked my husband about certain things, just again, because he comes with this, you know, theological background that brings a lot of value to some added areas.

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And, you know, she sat in her church and a chaplain delivered a message that was full of so much bondage that she left feeling so confused and disheartened and, and really didn't know if she even believed God had marriage for her anymore. And this is why she's in the heart work.

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So be careful what you're hearing. Be careful what you're seeing. Be careful. I'm not saying you can't listen to stuff, but especially during the heart work, you all, man, I'm telling you what, if this might sound a little like extreme, but I'm going to make a recommendation.

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While you're in the heart work. Now, if you're in a small group and you're doing a book study with them, okay, go ahead and do that. But I want to encourage you to just read your Bible, read the heart work book, and watch the heart work videos for right now. For five weeks. That you wouldn't have a lot of outside sources and things and people. And you all, that's hard on social media, isn't it? All these reels, all these people that got a word from the Lord for today.

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And I'm not saying it's that they're not because here I am, I'm talking to you too. Right. But do we know their backgrounds? You know, do we know really what the source of information is that they're, that they're declaring? So let's, let's look into that. Not believing the worst in people, but let's just be cautious and wise about what we're hearing and taking in.

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All right. I'm going to keep going.

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The Holy spirit is going to be the one that's going to help you have discernment.

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About what God's truth is about submission, about all kinds of things more and more in the days to come. Some of you, the struggle is that you don't trust yourself.

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Because you made a mistake, maybe once, maybe twice in relationship, maybe three times. I don't know. Maybe you made mistakes about other things. And so the enemy is trying to tell you that you're not trustworthy. You can't trust yourself.

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And then what happens is these other people in our lives that have authority or some level of, you know, you know, maybe a boss, maybe a person in authority in a church, you know, maybe it was your dad, some of you all as adult women, your parents rule your life.

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It's not healthy.

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And so, you know, you can't trust yourself.

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You can't trust yourself.

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Those things have to start to break and get into proper healthy alignment so that you can walk into freedom.

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The Holy Spirit is going to be your comforter, your counselor, your guide. He's going to be there for you.

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help you navigate this, but you have to be willing to allow God to heal all of these areas to reveal

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the things that are holding you back and keeping you stuck from moving forward. And some of those

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things are misconceptions and belief systems that we have about who God is. We believe a lot of lies

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about who God is. We're going to talk about a little bit who he really is here in a few moments.

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Colossians 3.21 says, Fathers, do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged.

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In the King James Version it says, Fathers, provoke not your children to anger

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lest they be discouraged. Provoke here in the Greek is to stir up, to excite, to stimulate,

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especially to anger, to provoke them. Lest they be discouraged in the Greek means to be disheartened,

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dispirited, broken in spirit to be dismayed. Have you ever felt disheartened, dispirited,

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broken in spirit or dismayed because of what someone said to you, over you, about you?

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Someone that had authority on some level? I want you to be thinking tonight. I don't want us to

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stay here, but we need to go here tonight so that you can start to come out from more of this rubble

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that you've been living under, the things that are keeping you pressed down, and again, these

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religious mindsets and beliefs that God wants to bring you out of. We want to address the unhealthy

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experiences that you've had with fathers, exes, so your husbands, men in authority over you. Some of

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y'all are going to think of women in authority as well, and you can write those down, and you want

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to, because you need to explore those with the Lord as well. But I just felt impressed that we

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need to go after some wrong thought patterns about God as well as about men, because where we've been

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hurt, hurt in relationship, healed in relationship. Some of you all have been very hurt by your

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ex-husband, your wasband, and the authority that he was trying to assert over you that was not

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healthy, and this can be a boyfriend as well, you all. You don't have to be married for this to happen,

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okay? It could be a friend, like a friend that's a boy, or even some of you have friends that are

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girls that really try to assert and dominate you, and it's probably because that showed up with one

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of your parents or another guardian in your life at some point, or teacher. Again, this can be anyone

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that at any point had authority over you that mishandled it, okay? All right, and we're gonna

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step a little bit into forgiveness tonight. Not only are we going to think about these people in

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these situations, but I'm encouraging you to then do forgiveness prayer sheets, to process this stuff

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again, to come out of alignment agreement with things that are not true, so that you can move

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forward. So these unhealthy actions, the words, the treatment, all of the things that were not intended

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for you long ago. All right, so as you're thinking about these people that have mistreated you, that

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have tried to make you submit, y'all, that's not God. God is not like that. Some of you are afraid,

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like you want a marriage, but you're really terrified that you're going to end up being a

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doormat for other people, and that's not what God wants you to go into a, like, relationship with

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that underlying fear. So let's look at where did that come from to begin with, and let's allow the

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healing to come in, and heal those areas, so that you don't continue to subconsciously have that

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in you on the inside, because guess what? If it's in us, ladies, it's going on dates with us.

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It's going into that relationship with us, and now, obviously, there's no way for us to clear

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out every single thing we're ever going to need to clear out before you move into relationship,

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because sometimes, guess what? It's when you enter relationship that more things are revealed for

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healing, and not just that. You move into engagement, and then there's more things revealed

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for healing, and marriage, and all of the things, but hey, won't it be great to go on dates and not

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have all this heavy baggage hanging around on your heart, and you can walk into those things more free

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and more light, and receive everything that God has for you. So we want to grow in our understanding

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of God's character. That's going to be key. So who is God? What does the Bible say about who

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is God? I'm going to give you a couple, and I want to encourage you to

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week to look into scripture for yourself about these things.

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God is love.

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God is kind.

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He's faithful.

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He's good.

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God is peace.

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For those of you that are needing peace in your life, really what you want to pray

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is God as peace, will you come into this situation, will you come into my heart in

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this area and, and bring yourself that's genuinely like, it's not, it's not God

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over here and peace over here.

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Like he is love.

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He is peace.

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He is like, these are who he is.

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So when we get to know him better, we can walk in these things ourselves.

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The word submission means to yield to the power of another yield is to let go in

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the process and learn how to trust God.

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How's that going for you ladies?

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Are you learning how to trust God?

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Are you learning how to let go and say, Lord, I just, I surrender this completely

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to you.

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I'm allowing all my do not enter signs.

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I'm taking those down because I don't have to protect and defend myself anymore.

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I never had to actually, but because of pain and trauma, I picked up the lie that I

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had to defend and protect myself because other people weren't going to do it for me.

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Be willing to submit to absolute in greater truth than what has happened in your life.

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Or even for some of you, what is happening right now, when we know K N O W, when we

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know the one we're submitting to and trust them, that is what can help us choose to

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submit to them.

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So who are we submitting to?

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First and foremost, ladies, we're submitting to God.

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Okay.

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That's the most important relationship.

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I know a lot of you, most of you came in here for the spirit mate.

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That's going to be the cherry on top.

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The more that you heal in your relationship with the Lord, the more you're going to be

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enabled to walk into a healthy relationship with another healthy person.

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If you're afraid of God and you don't really believe he's good, that is going to

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impact how you show up in the world in every interaction.

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Submission is not about someone dominating us ladies.

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It's not about someone controlling us or abusing us or us being a doormat.

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Submission is a mutual respect and surrender towards each other.

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So for example, this was a big deal.

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I've been in multiple abusive relationships.

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So before I was going to get married this time, 100%, y'all better believe I was

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having conversations with, with Brian.

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He's the only person that got this far with me, you know, in these conversations,

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what I mean, we're married now.

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If y'all don't know that for my new ladies, I'm September 4th is three years for us.

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But when we were dating, he was the only one that we got to that point that we were

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having conversations.

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And this is one of the things I asked him, what do you believe about submission?

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Now, I don't recommend talking about those things on first dates or any of that, but

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we, this was long into our dating relationship, but that was important to me.

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I wanted to know what his heart was about submission.

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What did he believe about it?

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Because I was not going to walk into another relationship where someone abused me,

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mistreated me, tried to push me down and oppress me with their words and their

426
00:33:51.100 --> 00:33:53.300
actions. I just wasn't going to do it.

427
00:33:53.300 --> 00:34:01.320
And so thankfully, praise the Lord, he had the same perspective that I did and I still

428
00:34:01.320 --> 00:34:08.159
do. And together we can be a team because we both believe that submission is a mutual

429
00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:11.040
respect. We both respect each other.

430
00:34:11.100 --> 00:34:12.820
We both love each other.

431
00:34:12.940 --> 00:34:17.560
So when the Bible talks about the husband should love their wives as Christ loves the

432
00:34:17.500 --> 00:34:22.900
church. You know, and that wives should submit to and respect their husbands.

433
00:34:22.940 --> 00:34:27.280
Well, yes, of course it says that, but I believe it goes both ways.

434
00:34:27.360 --> 00:34:34.520
I don't think that God ever intended for men to be the only ones being respected.

435
00:34:36.500 --> 00:34:42.699
But ladies, there is something to say about the love aspect, you know, when we feel

436
00:34:42.560 --> 00:34:49.260
loved, truly, genuinely, guess what comes out?

437
00:34:50.380 --> 00:34:53.320
Respect. But sometimes.

438
00:34:55.520 --> 00:34:59.980
We also believe lies still rooted in love.

439
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.700
in our hearts from our past.

440
00:35:02.060 --> 00:35:04.840
And even when that person is loving and kind,

441
00:35:04.860 --> 00:35:06.880
those little suckers start to rear their heads

442
00:35:06.880 --> 00:35:10.700
and we start to wait, I don't respect that decision.

443
00:35:10.900 --> 00:35:12.260
What they're doing is wrong.

444
00:35:12.380 --> 00:35:14.780
And then we get all some kind of way.

445
00:35:15.600 --> 00:35:19.160
And then we start talking really bad to the men.

446
00:35:19.940 --> 00:35:22.880
So let's just deal with this in our hearts now.

447
00:35:23.160 --> 00:35:24.840
And as we continue to go,

448
00:35:24.840 --> 00:35:26.660
so that we're not allowing bitterness

449
00:35:26.660 --> 00:35:29.800
to come up out of our hearts onto the men

450
00:35:30.140 --> 00:35:32.400
that God will bring into our lives.

451
00:35:32.720 --> 00:35:34.240
Revelation 3.20 says,

452
00:35:34.480 --> 00:35:36.040
behold, I stand at the door and knock.

453
00:35:36.420 --> 00:35:38.200
If anyone hears my voice and opens the door,

454
00:35:38.300 --> 00:35:41.660
I will come into him and eat with him and he with me.

455
00:35:41.760 --> 00:35:43.540
That's the scripture I was talking about earlier.

456
00:35:44.040 --> 00:35:47.420
Job 22.21 says, I'm sorry, I almost read the same scripture.

457
00:35:47.860 --> 00:35:51.140
Submit to God and you will have peace.

458
00:35:52.360 --> 00:35:54.260
Then things will go well with you.

459
00:35:55.020 --> 00:35:57.760
Y'all, peace here in this scripture in the Hebrews

460
00:35:57.920 --> 00:36:01.780
is actually to be in a covenant of peace,

461
00:36:02.280 --> 00:36:06.820
to complete, to finish, to make whole or good, to restore.

462
00:36:07.100 --> 00:36:09.820
So God is saying when we submit to him

463
00:36:10.160 --> 00:36:12.640
that we're gonna have a covenant of peace,

464
00:36:12.660 --> 00:36:15.200
that he's gonna complete the work of peace in us,

465
00:36:15.220 --> 00:36:16.500
that he's gonna finish it,

466
00:36:16.500 --> 00:36:18.520
he's gonna make us whole in peace.

467
00:36:19.500 --> 00:36:20.900
He's gonna make it good

468
00:36:20.900 --> 00:36:23.780
and he's gonna restore things in our lives.

469
00:36:25.380 --> 00:36:27.520
Isn't that kind of like,

470
00:36:27.700 --> 00:36:29.200
how many of us have actually paused

471
00:36:29.200 --> 00:36:31.540
and just thought about that regarding submission?

472
00:36:32.860 --> 00:36:34.960
Before I found that scripture, I didn't.

473
00:36:36.180 --> 00:36:38.640
So it was very enlightening for me.

474
00:36:38.980 --> 00:36:42.140
And then it says, then things will go well with you.

475
00:36:44.140 --> 00:36:47.000
So look at the things going on in your heart,

476
00:36:47.300 --> 00:36:49.160
be honest, just be fully honest,

477
00:36:49.160 --> 00:36:50.420
because God already knows.

478
00:36:50.760 --> 00:36:54.060
He already knows how you feel, how you think.

479
00:36:54.860 --> 00:36:59.800
And he's just asking you to just to be honest and open up

480
00:36:59.800 --> 00:37:01.540
and surrender that stuff out.

481
00:37:01.940 --> 00:37:04.240
Okay, Proverbs 3, 5 in the message verse,

482
00:37:04.740 --> 00:37:10.040
oh, Susan, that was Job 22, verse 21 in the NLT version.

483
00:37:11.300 --> 00:37:14.780
This next one is Proverbs 3, 5 in the message translation.

484
00:37:14.780 --> 00:37:16.880
It says, trust God from the bottom of your heart.

485
00:37:16.880 --> 00:37:19.180
Don't try to figure everything out on your own.

486
00:37:19.960 --> 00:37:22.480
Listen for God's voice in everything that you do,

487
00:37:23.040 --> 00:37:23.800
everywhere that you go.

488
00:37:23.940 --> 00:37:25.780
He's the one who will keep you on track.

489
00:37:26.540 --> 00:37:29.020
Don't assume that you know it all.

490
00:37:31.520 --> 00:37:34.660
For myself, that scripture helps me remember

491
00:37:35.120 --> 00:37:38.080
that even when I think I have all the answers,

492
00:37:38.200 --> 00:37:39.160
I just don't.

493
00:37:40.560 --> 00:37:41.680
I just don't.

494
00:37:41.820 --> 00:37:43.720
And God's ways are above mine

495
00:37:43.720 --> 00:37:45.500
and his thoughts are above mine.

496
00:37:45.500 --> 00:37:47.500
And I pray all the time,

497
00:37:47.700 --> 00:37:50.080
God, help me to have an eagle eye perspective,

498
00:37:50.220 --> 00:37:52.000
like the bird's eye view.

499
00:37:52.080 --> 00:37:56.520
Help take me up higher into your heavenly mindset

500
00:37:56.700 --> 00:37:59.440
and thoughts and help me to see what you see

501
00:37:59.920 --> 00:38:03.220
so that I can walk out your plan for my life.

502
00:38:03.620 --> 00:38:05.940
All right, I'm gonna have Annette share a little bit

503
00:38:05.940 --> 00:38:07.740
just some of the things we've been chatting about

504
00:38:07.740 --> 00:38:09.960
and how this kind of has been a part

505
00:38:09.960 --> 00:38:12.120
of what God's been doing in her as well.

506
00:38:12.880 --> 00:38:15.280
Thank you, Bethany.

507
00:38:17.300 --> 00:38:20.940
One of the biggest transformations that I had

508
00:38:20.940 --> 00:38:24.200
in my heart work is coming in,

509
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:27.460
I had done some counseling around,

510
00:38:27.820 --> 00:38:29.880
I was sexually abused by a babysitter

511
00:38:29.880 --> 00:38:31.720
and then by my father.

512
00:38:32.300 --> 00:38:35.920
And so, especially when I came into heart work,

513
00:38:36.120 --> 00:38:38.380
I would feel myself bristle

514
00:38:38.380 --> 00:38:42.100
when people talked about God being a loving father

515
00:38:42.820 --> 00:38:48.360
or he was your protector, he was looking out for you.

516
00:38:49.200 --> 00:38:54.140
And I had some resentment and some anger around,

517
00:38:54.640 --> 00:38:57.620
okay, so if that's true, where were you?

518
00:38:58.180 --> 00:39:03.920
Because like Bethany said with the verse in Proverbs 3, 5,

519
00:39:04.000 --> 00:39:07.060
like trust not, lean not on your own understanding

520
00:39:07.060 --> 00:39:10.500
because in my understanding, God should have shown up.

521
00:39:10.580 --> 00:39:11.780
He should have been there.

522
00:39:11.780 --> 00:39:12.940
He should have stopped it.

523
00:39:12.940 --> 00:39:14.400
He could have prevented it.

524
00:39:14.820 --> 00:39:16.500
And why didn't he?

525
00:39:16.940 --> 00:39:18.560
And now you want me to submit

526
00:39:18.560 --> 00:39:22.480
when you didn't do what I needed anyway.

527
00:39:23.160 --> 00:39:26.720
So I was very hesitant to fully surrender to God.

528
00:39:27.140 --> 00:39:28.280
You know, God's good.

529
00:39:28.680 --> 00:39:30.080
You know, he loves you.

530
00:39:30.080 --> 00:39:32.860
But trying to reconcile that on the other side

531
00:39:32.920 --> 00:39:35.880
with my experiences and things that happened,

532
00:39:37.280 --> 00:39:39.160
I did, I really struggled.

533
00:39:39.680 --> 00:39:41.420
But in my time in the heart work,

534
00:39:42.340 --> 00:39:47.400
what really transformed me was the closer I got

535
00:39:47.400 --> 00:39:51.260
to learning and understanding the heart of God

536
00:39:51.260 --> 00:39:52.820
and the character of God.

537
00:39:53.800 --> 00:39:59.980
He was just as hurt if not more so by the actions of others.

538
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:08.740
than I was. It wasn't his intention for me, but what I have learned and what I've really

539
00:40:08.960 --> 00:40:16.580
come and had a lot of freedom around is he does protect me. He is there. It doesn't mean

540
00:40:16.580 --> 00:40:22.040
that bad things aren't going to happen. There's not going to be disappointment. There's not

541
00:40:22.040 --> 00:40:31.180
going to be struggle. But if I look at him and keep him as my foundation and stand on

542
00:40:31.180 --> 00:40:35.820
the truths and the promises and to know that he's going to work all things for my good,

543
00:40:35.840 --> 00:40:42.400
he doesn't pick and choose. He promises that he'll work everything for my good because

544
00:40:42.400 --> 00:40:48.820
I do love him and I want to serve him. And I can see now as I've gone through that transformation,

545
00:40:48.820 --> 00:40:56.380
I have incredible freedom. I see God's hand every day in my life, giving me protection,

546
00:40:57.200 --> 00:41:03.980
giving me insight, giving me guidance because he loves me so much. And he's also helped me

547
00:41:04.180 --> 00:41:12.240
for truly forgive and to be able to, because along, I don't want to get lost in the details,

548
00:41:12.380 --> 00:41:18.460
but along with that, it was also with my mom because she knew about it. And so then when

549
00:41:18.460 --> 00:41:23.300
the anger and the resentment came up with her and not being protected there, I have been able

550
00:41:23.300 --> 00:41:31.300
to forgive both of them. I have a relationship with them and it's not that I feel warm butterflies,

551
00:41:32.340 --> 00:41:40.620
you know, but God helps me to love them. He strengthens me. He gives me opportunities where

552
00:41:40.620 --> 00:41:57.100
I can put love into action to them. And so let's see, I did some notes. One thing I'm

553
00:41:57.100 --> 00:42:05.540
really thankful for is I call God, my Abba father and my daddy. Now he's the one who's

554
00:42:05.540 --> 00:42:09.980
there for me since the beginning and who continues to be there for me every day.

555
00:42:10.620 --> 00:42:16.500
And that gives me a confidence that nobody else can give me.

556
00:42:19.400 --> 00:42:26.620
I love that. Thank you so much for sharing. I can remember when I first started making that

557
00:42:26.620 --> 00:42:35.040
transition to call him Abba and daddy too. He's my dad, like he's, you know, no disrespect to my dad,

558
00:42:35.040 --> 00:42:42.220
but my dad was never in my life like ever. And man, all these years, God has been so faithful,

559
00:42:42.340 --> 00:42:48.800
even when I was faithless. And even when I was turning my back on him, you know years ago when

560
00:42:48.800 --> 00:42:54.580
I wasn't living for the Lord, but God will meet you ladies right where you're at. I want you to

561
00:42:54.580 --> 00:43:00.640
know that he understands why some of you don't think he's good. He does just like Annette said,

562
00:43:00.640 --> 00:43:07.020
like, you know, man, she had a lot of stuff in there that needed healing so that she could learn

563
00:43:07.020 --> 00:43:13.760
about who God really was to her and had always been. But the biggest thing that I want you all

564
00:43:13.840 --> 00:43:19.500
to understand, we're going to get ready for breakouts here, is that it's always an invitation.

565
00:43:21.260 --> 00:43:28.260
Always. Okay. So God tonight, you're here, you're hearing this message. This is your invitation.

566
00:43:28.820 --> 00:43:35.960
This is your invitation to growing in your perspective of him and his heart towards you.

567
00:43:36.680 --> 00:43:43.400
If you believe he's a trickster, he's a liar, he's a cheater, that is getting projected onto him,

568
00:43:43.460 --> 00:43:47.640
most likely because of things you've been through. And so I want to encourage you to

569
00:43:47.640 --> 00:43:52.240
come out of alignment and agreement with those kinds of ideas and thoughts about who God is

570
00:43:52.800 --> 00:44:01.120
and that he is trustworthy. Now, some of you, it just takes time. It takes time and healing for you

571
00:44:01.500 --> 00:44:08.240
to believe, you know, that he is good and he is trustworthy. So just again, remember we started

572
00:44:08.240 --> 00:44:14.840
with grace upon grace upon grace, right? So I want you to extend grace to yourselves in this process,

573
00:44:14.920 --> 00:44:20.220
even regarding learning how to trust the Lord. So your question tonight for your breakout session

574
00:44:20.220 --> 00:44:26.620
is, do you struggle with submission and why? And you can answer if you're someone who you just

575
00:44:26.620 --> 00:44:31.160
don't struggle with submission because you had great parents and they taught loving, that loving

576
00:44:31.160 --> 00:44:37.540
mutual respect and honor in the home, then I would love for you to share about that too. But maybe you

577
00:44:37.540 --> 00:44:44.540
had an unhealthy dynamic or view of submission because of something that happened outside the

578
00:44:44.540 --> 00:44:48.900
home. Remember we're looking at all the different things that we've been through in life where maybe

579
00:44:48.900 --> 00:44:56.540
somebody mishandled their authority and it caused you to not feel good regarding submission, okay?

580
00:44:57.240 --> 00:44:59.980
Totally fine for some of you that aren't able to join breakout.

581
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.400
And so what I'll do, ladies, if you go into a room and you're by yourself, hang on there,

582
00:45:05.500 --> 00:45:06.920
okay, because I'll move you around.

583
00:45:07.120 --> 00:45:10.200
So I'll probably invite you into a different room if I see you sitting there by yourself.

584
00:45:10.660 --> 00:45:14.960
But before you do that, I'm going to send you into the breakout room in a moment, but

585
00:45:14.960 --> 00:45:20.420
I want to read the submission activation prayer over you to kind of help prepare your hearts

586
00:45:20.420 --> 00:45:21.340
for this conversation.

587
00:45:21.440 --> 00:45:26.100
So I want to encourage you just to close your eyes and just allow yourself to receive this

588
00:45:26.180 --> 00:45:27.860
over yourself tonight.

589
00:45:29.320 --> 00:45:35.360
Father God, I give you permission to search me and to reveal anything in my heart that

590
00:45:35.360 --> 00:45:41.880
does not belong to my true identity and anything that is hindering me from living the life

591
00:45:41.880 --> 00:45:44.560
that you originally created me to live.

592
00:45:45.040 --> 00:45:48.540
Holy Spirit, I invite you into the darkest places in my heart.

593
00:45:49.340 --> 00:45:52.080
Show me the areas that are still wounded and are still hurting.

594
00:45:52.540 --> 00:45:57.260
When you reveal these broken places to me, I covenant with you to release them into your

595
00:45:57.260 --> 00:46:00.420
care and to respond with forgiveness and repentance.

596
00:46:01.360 --> 00:46:07.720
I set aside this season of my life for a time of healing and wholeness and ask Holy Spirit

597
00:46:07.720 --> 00:46:10.180
to take charge of this process.

598
00:46:10.640 --> 00:46:12.880
I ask that you dwell with me and in me.

599
00:46:13.340 --> 00:46:14.840
I need you.

600
00:46:15.240 --> 00:46:16.720
I cannot heal myself.

601
00:46:17.200 --> 00:46:20.940
I want to be free from the past, free to be who I truly am.

602
00:46:21.420 --> 00:46:24.900
Help me to become who you created me to be.

603
00:46:25.580 --> 00:46:30.800
Show me the lies I have believed about myself, my life, my surroundings, even the lies I

604
00:46:30.800 --> 00:46:32.420
have believed about you, God.

605
00:46:33.200 --> 00:46:34.280
Teach me the greater truth.

606
00:46:34.840 --> 00:46:35.580
Teach me your ways.

607
00:46:36.220 --> 00:46:39.340
Teach me how to think and how to live abundantly.

608
00:46:40.440 --> 00:46:43.860
Teach me, show me, heal me, grow me.

609
00:46:44.060 --> 00:46:47.760
In Jesus name, amen, amen, amen.

610
00:46:48.300 --> 00:46:48.680
All right.

611
00:46:48.780 --> 00:46:50.280
Let me get...

612
00:46:50.280 --> 00:46:51.140
Oh, I keep...

613
00:46:51.140 --> 00:46:53.480
We're losing some people probably because we're about to go into breakout.

614
00:46:53.480 --> 00:46:55.220
Sometimes people jump off for that.

615
00:46:55.340 --> 00:46:55.620
All right.

616
00:46:56.700 --> 00:46:58.320
We're going to do six minutes, ladies.

617
00:46:58.680 --> 00:47:00.120
So remember, short, brief, and powerful.

618
00:47:00.700 --> 00:47:02.120
Don't try to counsel or help each other.

619
00:47:02.500 --> 00:47:06.300
Remember, you just say to your sister after they share, thank you so much for trusting

620
00:47:06.300 --> 00:47:09.300
me with that part of your journey or your story, okay?

621
00:47:09.320 --> 00:47:12.640
And then you can go into sharing as well.

622
00:47:12.880 --> 00:47:13.360
All right.

623
00:47:13.480 --> 00:47:15.060
Go ahead and click to join those.

624
00:47:15.100 --> 00:47:19.060
And again, I'll move you around if need be, but go ahead and click to join those as quick

625
00:47:19.060 --> 00:47:19.620
as you can.

626
00:47:20.200 --> 00:47:21.620
Those are up there for you.

627
00:47:26.220 --> 00:47:33.820
As we get them situated, for those that are not able to go into the breakout, I will be

628
00:47:33.820 --> 00:47:35.580
praying here in just a moment.

629
00:47:53.360 --> 00:47:57.300
I have a couple of people sitting by themselves, so give me a minute, ladies.

630
00:47:58.400 --> 00:48:00.020
That was 13.

631
00:48:16.840 --> 00:48:18.280
A lot of people dropping off.

632
00:48:18.280 --> 00:48:22.100
It makes it really hard sometimes to get everybody situated with somebody in their

633
00:48:23.420 --> 00:48:23.940
room.

634
00:48:35.820 --> 00:48:37.720
I think I have everybody.

635
00:48:38.160 --> 00:48:41.100
Laura, just please make sure nobody's sitting by themselves.

636
00:48:41.560 --> 00:48:43.460
Let me just do another quick check.

637
00:48:43.640 --> 00:48:45.840
Crystal asked if they could get a three-minute warning.

638
00:48:45.840 --> 00:48:48.380
Yeah, I don't know what she's asking that for.

639
00:48:48.380 --> 00:48:49.740
I don't know what that means.

640
00:48:54.280 --> 00:48:58.320
We'll ask her when she comes back, maybe at the end of the session.

641
00:48:58.840 --> 00:48:59.020
All right.

642
00:48:59.020 --> 00:49:00.480
I have a couple ladies with three.

643
00:49:00.600 --> 00:49:02.840
Gosh, there's a lot of people dropping out.

644
00:49:06.020 --> 00:49:06.680
All right.

645
00:49:06.680 --> 00:49:12.340
Father, we just ask you to just continue to work in all of these situations, Lord.

646
00:49:12.340 --> 00:49:15.580
We just thank you for revealings for healing that are happening.

647
00:49:16.560 --> 00:49:19.340
I just put four ladies together accidentally because of that.

648
00:49:22.600 --> 00:49:23.500
Sorry, Renee.

649
00:49:23.940 --> 00:49:24.540
Bless Renee, Lord.

650
00:49:24.700 --> 00:49:26.200
Give her patience in this process.

651
00:49:26.500 --> 00:49:28.560
Father, thanks so much for grace.

652
00:49:28.860 --> 00:49:31.300
Thank you for helping us to hear what your spirit is saying.

653
00:49:31.820 --> 00:49:37.020
God, we thank you for anointing our hearts and our minds to receive everything that you

654
00:49:37.020 --> 00:49:38.660
have for us, even right now.

655
00:49:39.660 --> 00:49:44.600
Lord, sometimes the tech is such a blessing, but, Lord, sometimes it can really cause stress

656
00:49:44.600 --> 00:49:48.340
or distraction, even what we were talking about earlier, to rise up in people.

657
00:49:49.360 --> 00:49:51.500
Other things in our lives can happen, Lord.

658
00:49:51.540 --> 00:49:54.360
It just makes me think of even this last weekend.

659
00:49:54.580 --> 00:49:56.420
It rained so much in Florida.

660
00:49:56.720 --> 00:49:59.980
Sunday morning, we're getting ready to leave for church, and the water...

661
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.720
was just flooding the patio.

662
00:50:01.800 --> 00:50:03.840
And I was panicked that it was gonna flood

663
00:50:03.960 --> 00:50:06.180
this current Airbnb that we're staying in.

664
00:50:06.240 --> 00:50:08.600
And I just felt like so nervous to even leave.

665
00:50:09.100 --> 00:50:11.100
And Lord, you just kept saying to trust you.

666
00:50:11.320 --> 00:50:13.780
So Lord, we just ask you to help every one of these ladies

667
00:50:14.380 --> 00:50:16.860
to let go of any anxious thoughts,

668
00:50:17.920 --> 00:50:20.760
any harmful things that they've been thinking about,

669
00:50:21.260 --> 00:50:23.520
stress of the day, stress of the world.

670
00:50:23.680 --> 00:50:26.240
God, that you would help them to fully surrender

671
00:50:26.340 --> 00:50:29.540
every aspect of their heart and their lives to you.

672
00:50:29.540 --> 00:50:32.740
God, we thank you that you're revealing areas for healing,

673
00:50:33.040 --> 00:50:36.840
that you're continuing to, yes, Lord,

674
00:50:37.760 --> 00:50:40.140
transform them in all of their minds

675
00:50:40.140 --> 00:50:43.880
by renewing their minds and helping them to partner

676
00:50:43.880 --> 00:50:46.080
with the truth of your word.

677
00:50:46.220 --> 00:50:48.760
God, we ask you to fan the flames of hunger and thirst

678
00:50:48.760 --> 00:50:51.140
for your righteousness, for your word within them.

679
00:50:51.480 --> 00:50:53.940
God, that you would help them to come away,

680
00:50:54.040 --> 00:50:57.040
to be set apart for your purposes, Lord,

681
00:50:57.040 --> 00:51:00.000
and that they would, yes, Lord,

682
00:51:00.180 --> 00:51:03.580
remember that they don't have to be on good behavior.

683
00:51:03.800 --> 00:51:07.500
This isn't about a momentary or even a short-term fix.

684
00:51:07.560 --> 00:51:10.380
This is about a long-term thing

685
00:51:10.380 --> 00:51:11.900
that you're wanting to do in us, God.

686
00:51:12.500 --> 00:51:14.780
So we thank you for the reminder tonight

687
00:51:14.780 --> 00:51:18.620
that you're changing us from glory to glory to glory.

688
00:51:18.660 --> 00:51:21.620
God, that you never stop, that you're always working.

689
00:51:22.380 --> 00:51:24.520
We thank you, Lord, for redeeming us,

690
00:51:24.520 --> 00:51:30.520
for reminding us, yes, Lord, that you call us by our name.

691
00:51:30.980 --> 00:51:33.760
God, I believe every one of these ladies

692
00:51:33.760 --> 00:51:37.720
have been given a name that really, Lord,

693
00:51:37.740 --> 00:51:40.940
is a part of your blessing and your call on their lives.

694
00:51:41.020 --> 00:51:43.880
I pray that you would help them to seek you

695
00:51:43.880 --> 00:51:47.760
about every aspect of this process that they're in, God,

696
00:51:47.760 --> 00:51:48.940
that they would not become weary

697
00:51:49.180 --> 00:51:51.920
and well-doing for in due season.

698
00:51:52.560 --> 00:51:54.700
They will reap if they don't faint,

699
00:51:54.760 --> 00:51:55.860
if they don't give up, Lord.

700
00:51:56.460 --> 00:51:58.720
And even as we were talking about earlier, Lord,

701
00:51:58.840 --> 00:52:01.620
that as we set our attention on your truth,

702
00:52:01.700 --> 00:52:03.780
on your goodness, you know, the Bible declares

703
00:52:04.340 --> 00:52:07.120
that we should think on things that are noble and true

704
00:52:07.120 --> 00:52:08.500
and lovely and of good report,

705
00:52:08.720 --> 00:52:10.460
things that are above only and not beneath.

706
00:52:10.860 --> 00:52:13.100
So, Lord, we thank you that you'll help us

707
00:52:13.460 --> 00:52:14.920
to have that mindset,

708
00:52:15.020 --> 00:52:16.900
that we would have the mind of Christ.

709
00:52:18.560 --> 00:52:20.980
Yes, Lord, we thank you that right now we just,

710
00:52:20.980 --> 00:52:23.900
Lord, we just shed scales off of our minds,

711
00:52:24.080 --> 00:52:24.880
off of our eyes,

712
00:52:25.040 --> 00:52:27.620
things that cause us to see ourselves and other people

713
00:52:27.780 --> 00:52:29.580
through incorrect lenses,

714
00:52:30.080 --> 00:52:33.400
life situations through lenses of pain and hurt.

715
00:52:35.800 --> 00:52:36.860
Thank you, Lord,

716
00:52:37.240 --> 00:52:39.640
that offense is an opportunity for an upgrade.

717
00:52:40.380 --> 00:52:44.740
We thank you, God, that you're continuing to just,

718
00:52:45.860 --> 00:52:48.880
Lord, remove the rough edges in us, Lord.

719
00:52:48.880 --> 00:52:51.580
We thank you that your word declares in Psalm 51

720
00:52:52.280 --> 00:52:54.920
that create in me a clean heart, oh God,

721
00:52:55.040 --> 00:52:57.920
and renew a steadfast spirit within us,

722
00:52:58.300 --> 00:53:00.840
that you would take your Holy Spirit from us.

723
00:53:01.400 --> 00:53:03.700
But Lord, I thank you that you would sustain us.

724
00:53:04.480 --> 00:53:08.380
I thank you for just transforming every aspect

725
00:53:08.380 --> 00:53:09.320
of who we are,

726
00:53:09.460 --> 00:53:13.320
that you are helping us to see a greater truth,

727
00:53:14.320 --> 00:53:18.180
to recognize who you are as God is love.

728
00:53:18.180 --> 00:53:19.060
You are love.

729
00:53:19.240 --> 00:53:20.620
You cannot deny yourself.

730
00:53:21.360 --> 00:53:25.860
We thank you that not height, nor depth,

731
00:53:25.920 --> 00:53:28.360
nor principality, nor power, nor things in the present,

732
00:53:28.480 --> 00:53:31.160
nor things to come can ever separate us

733
00:53:31.160 --> 00:53:33.120
from the love of God in Christ Jesus.

734
00:53:33.260 --> 00:53:34.320
So we thank you, Lord,

735
00:53:34.460 --> 00:53:36.780
that today we will partner with the truth

736
00:53:36.780 --> 00:53:39.100
that we can remain in your love,

737
00:53:39.120 --> 00:53:40.660
even when we make mistakes,

738
00:53:41.640 --> 00:53:43.720
even in marriage, when we make a mistake,

739
00:53:43.980 --> 00:53:45.240
Lord, that we can seek forgiveness

740
00:53:45.240 --> 00:53:48.420
and that both parties can be reconciled.

741
00:53:48.660 --> 00:53:50.620
So Lord, I just speak a spirit of reconciliation

742
00:53:50.620 --> 00:53:52.880
over every one of these ladies and their families,

743
00:53:53.500 --> 00:53:55.700
over their mindsets, their heart postures,

744
00:53:55.820 --> 00:53:57.200
the things that they've been through,

745
00:53:57.900 --> 00:53:58.920
Lord, and even tonight,

746
00:53:58.960 --> 00:54:00.840
as we're talking about submission, Lord,

747
00:54:00.960 --> 00:54:03.660
I pray that you would help us to be transformed

748
00:54:03.660 --> 00:54:05.860
in the way that we look at submission,

749
00:54:06.160 --> 00:54:08.080
God, that you would heal wounds of the past.

750
00:54:08.700 --> 00:54:10.760
And we thank you that you would invite us

751
00:54:10.760 --> 00:54:13.460
to come out of hiding in these dark places and spaces

752
00:54:13.460 --> 00:54:15.480
where we have resided at times,

753
00:54:15.840 --> 00:54:16.960
even within our own hearts,

754
00:54:18.020 --> 00:54:21.100
where people, some people have literally shut down aspects

755
00:54:21.100 --> 00:54:24.520
of themselves because of the abuse and the mistreatment

756
00:54:24.520 --> 00:54:25.300
that they've gone through.

757
00:54:25.500 --> 00:54:27.340
So Lord, thank you for waking us up.

758
00:54:29.000 --> 00:54:30.780
I read something this afternoon as well.

759
00:54:30.940 --> 00:54:32.380
It said, are you awake in the wake?

760
00:54:32.760 --> 00:54:34.780
Are you awake in the awakening?

761
00:54:35.320 --> 00:54:36.700
I thought, man, that's so good.

762
00:54:37.340 --> 00:54:39.760
So as God is awakening you,

763
00:54:40.400 --> 00:54:43.400
are you awake in the awakening?

764
00:54:44.200 --> 00:54:46.860
Are you fully attuned to what God is doing

765
00:54:46.860 --> 00:54:48.980
in your heart and life in this season and time?

766
00:54:50.220 --> 00:54:53.020
We encourage you just to continue to lean into that truth

767
00:54:53.020 --> 00:54:54.840
and see what God might wanna show you through it.

768
00:54:55.020 --> 00:54:55.840
Welcome back, ladies.

769
00:54:56.220 --> 00:54:57.500
So glad to have you back.

770
00:54:57.900 --> 00:54:59.900
We saw that someone was asking for a three-minute,

771
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.760
Morning. I think maybe you're asking before we come out of breakouts, but there's actually a 60 second warning.

772
00:55:07.060 --> 00:55:12.980
And I maybe can look into changing that to three minutes, but y'all go in there for six. So that's going to be kind of quick.

773
00:55:13.200 --> 00:55:21.560
So that 60 seconds. It's kind of like that final like okay everybody hustle it up and kind of share your last things. And I know it can be really quick.

774
00:55:21.560 --> 00:55:42.780
But short, brief and powerful amazing things can happen in that time. All right, before we go into group coaching for those of you that are brand new. This is where you can share with the whole group what you shared in the breakout or even just, you know, let me say this. If you have a struggle with submission, even if you didn't share this in your breakout.

775
00:55:43.920 --> 00:56:01.220
You can come on and get coaching for that tonight. Okay, so I don't want it to feel like it just has to be what you shared in the breakout. But if you are someone that also, I haven't talked about this as much tonight as I did this afternoon, but I feel led to bring this up as well. Rebellion.

776
00:56:01.600 --> 00:56:06.700
Are you someone that struggles with rebelling against authority in your life?

777
00:56:07.980 --> 00:56:21.980
Like God put people over you, even in your job. Some of you just like you're just not like something in you like this just grinds against you inside when someone's telling you or asking you to do something like

778
00:56:22.480 --> 00:56:32.040
How dare they tell me what to do. Y'all know how we get sometimes right yeah so if you struggle with rebellion that can be in there as well.

779
00:56:32.040 --> 00:56:40.360
And so let's talk about some of these things. Before we go into that real quick. Here are your activations for this week. I am going to put them up in the group tonight.

780
00:56:40.660 --> 00:56:48.380
So those will be posted under the community tab. You can see it there. I put a cute little graphic up there that shows you this is your activation for the week.

781
00:56:48.620 --> 00:56:57.020
So I want to encourage you all. If you haven't already done so that permission slip that is in the beginning of your course that you would print that out.

782
00:56:57.740 --> 00:57:03.240
Put that up where you see it and I would love for you to be praying that out loud over yourself every day.

783
00:57:03.420 --> 00:57:07.520
Hey, it's that constant surrendering and submission partnering with that.

784
00:57:07.580 --> 00:57:13.920
And then want to encourage you all to come into the group this week and talk about like what what has happened in your life.

785
00:57:13.920 --> 00:57:19.020
You know, regarding submission. Were there things that were hurtful? Did you have a good experience with submission?

786
00:57:19.020 --> 00:57:29.120
So come into the group. And if you need coaching through that we can do that there. And also, again, if you had a good experience. Let's hear that, too, because some of these ladies need to hear

787
00:57:29.540 --> 00:57:40.500
what your good experience with submission has been like. And then this is the week, ladies, where we do the roots and fruits activation. So I'm going to show you

788
00:57:42.480 --> 00:57:49.800
real quick. We're going to go through this as fast as I can. Let me scroll back up here. A couple examples. Now, let me preface this.

789
00:57:51.140 --> 00:58:00.980
Yours can look completely different from all of these. Okay. These are just examples. It doesn't have to be fancy, ladies. The point and the main thing is to get it done.

790
00:58:01.900 --> 00:58:08.820
Okay, to get it out on paper, to get it done. If you're more creative and you want to be super creative. That's amazing. That's cool.

791
00:58:09.200 --> 00:58:20.760
If you don't feel led to be super crafty or that's not your comfort zone. I'm going to show you some ways that you can still do it. And it is great. We love them all. Okay. There's no art contest. There's no judging

792
00:58:20.760 --> 00:58:31.360
anybody's art and creative skills. Again, this is about getting it done. All right. So this lady, she shared the fruits and roots. So basically what we want to look at

793
00:58:31.880 --> 00:58:43.560
is all of the fruit in our life, which would be on the top of our tree, if you will, all are connected to roots down in our soil, down in our heart. So

794
00:58:44.080 --> 00:58:48.560
some of us, hopefully all of us have good fruit and not good fruit.

795
00:58:49.220 --> 00:58:54.900
And we're healing so that we can get rid of more of that unhealthy fruit and get more healthy fruit.

796
00:58:55.160 --> 00:59:06.660
And then those, I'm sorry, roots and then that's going to produce that fruit in your life. So this here, she actually didn't do any fruit in her drawing, but she put the different roots that she was working through.

797
00:59:07.260 --> 00:59:21.160
There's a couple different ones in there. They're all mixed together. Victimhood stands out, cussing. These are things, these are roots. These are areas where she struggles with mindsets or lies or the cussing. It sounds like, you know, her flesh is kind of ruling

798
00:59:21.240 --> 00:59:28.480
in that area. Ladies, those are unhealthy roots. Okay, so typically those are connected to things in us that need healed.

799
00:59:28.480 --> 00:59:42.560
And those then cause unhealthy fruit. Okay, going on. Here's another one. She's, you know, a little bit more artistic. The way that she did hers that I wanted to point out, again, these are all ideas and seeds. You don't have to do it exactly like this. This is just an example.

800
00:59:43.600 --> 00:59:53.340
So connected to her root, you see the root of the tree here, she has different lies that are connected to that main root system, if you will.

801
00:59:53.940 --> 00:59:59.520
And she did that for all of hers. Now, again, you may not feel led to do that, but that was something that was really helpful to her.

802
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.340
And on the drawing, she also wrote scriptures

803
01:00:02.340 --> 01:00:05.100
that were healthy for her to partner with in the days ahead.

804
01:00:05.680 --> 01:00:06.580
Here's another one.

805
01:00:06.860 --> 01:00:07.700
This lady is a teacher.

806
01:00:08.300 --> 01:00:10.120
So for those of you that are teachers,

807
01:00:10.280 --> 01:00:12.160
you might really appreciate her poster board.

808
01:00:12.340 --> 01:00:13.500
And this was something that just,

809
01:00:13.500 --> 01:00:15.140
she wanted to put it up in her house

810
01:00:15.140 --> 01:00:16.520
so she could be praying over it.

811
01:00:17.400 --> 01:00:19.300
She has some declarations on there.

812
01:00:19.940 --> 01:00:25.140
She has basically the areas where like her main roots

813
01:00:25.740 --> 01:00:28.900
were perfectionism, abandonment, and rejection as a child,

814
01:00:28.900 --> 01:00:32.620
and how those were leading into perfectionism, abandonment,

815
01:00:32.620 --> 01:00:33.820
and rejection as an adult.

816
01:00:34.040 --> 01:00:35.860
And then she wrote her different lies

817
01:00:35.860 --> 01:00:38.640
and things that were connected to those as well.

818
01:00:39.500 --> 01:00:42.220
Here's another one, super cute, simple.

819
01:00:42.340 --> 01:00:43.760
Y'all again, this is amazing.

820
01:00:43.840 --> 01:00:44.400
This is great.

821
01:00:44.520 --> 01:00:45.900
She's getting fear of man,

822
01:00:45.900 --> 01:00:48.700
and then she's connecting it to what is the fruit showing up

823
01:00:48.700 --> 01:00:50.100
in her life because of that.

824
01:00:50.100 --> 01:00:53.260
And then as well, the good fruit or roots, excuse me,

825
01:00:53.260 --> 01:00:54.460
that connect to the good fruit.

826
01:00:54.840 --> 01:00:55.760
Here's another one.

827
01:00:55.800 --> 01:00:56.880
This one's done on a computer.

828
01:00:57.260 --> 01:00:58.100
This is great too.

829
01:00:58.100 --> 01:00:59.980
So if this is the way you wanna go,

830
01:01:00.140 --> 01:01:01.820
you can totally do it like this.

831
01:01:02.240 --> 01:01:05.600
Again, you see the unhealthy roots and healthy ones

832
01:01:05.600 --> 01:01:07.440
going up to the fruit there.

833
01:01:08.020 --> 01:01:09.480
Here's another one on a computer.

834
01:01:09.960 --> 01:01:11.360
I thought this was really cool too.

835
01:01:11.420 --> 01:01:12.960
Like she has one half of her tree

836
01:01:13.300 --> 01:01:15.120
that's representing the unhealthy side,

837
01:01:15.180 --> 01:01:17.220
and then the other half that is representing

838
01:01:17.220 --> 01:01:18.440
the healthy side for her.

839
01:01:20.020 --> 01:01:22.300
Complaining and comparing, resentment and bitterness,

840
01:01:22.740 --> 01:01:25.360
hopelessness, despair, low self-esteem.

841
01:01:25.460 --> 01:01:27.480
So maybe you resonate with some of those.

842
01:01:28.080 --> 01:01:29.740
Here's the last one I'm gonna share with you real quick.

843
01:01:29.860 --> 01:01:32.420
Now, this lady is an artist, so don't be intimidated,

844
01:01:32.580 --> 01:01:34.380
but I did wanna show this to you

845
01:01:34.380 --> 01:01:38.360
because again, her fruit and roots that are not healthy

846
01:01:38.360 --> 01:01:40.420
are that kind of that far left side.

847
01:01:40.800 --> 01:01:41.780
It looks a little dark,

848
01:01:42.200 --> 01:01:45.360
and then she's got the stuff that's good

849
01:01:45.360 --> 01:01:48.360
and in that yellow and kind of alive looking colors.

850
01:01:48.380 --> 01:01:51.220
But I love that she put the Holy Spirit here too.

851
01:01:51.420 --> 01:01:54.120
And the Holy Spirit is who empowers us

852
01:01:54.120 --> 01:01:58.200
and enables us to heal even those unhealthy areas

853
01:01:58.300 --> 01:02:01.620
and then produce healthy fruit later on.

854
01:02:01.820 --> 01:02:04.640
All right, so the goal is for you to be praying

855
01:02:04.640 --> 01:02:09.380
and asking God, what unhealthy roots do you have

856
01:02:09.380 --> 01:02:12.520
in your life that are producing unhealthy fruit?

857
01:02:13.020 --> 01:02:15.860
And then what healthy fruit do you have in your life

858
01:02:15.860 --> 01:02:17.480
that is producing healthy fruit?

859
01:02:17.960 --> 01:02:21.020
Okay, create that and then post in the group

860
01:02:21.020 --> 01:02:23.780
and you can share even how that experience was for you.

861
01:02:24.300 --> 01:02:26.420
Again, I'll put this up as a reminder in the group

862
01:02:26.420 --> 01:02:27.800
for you all, you'll see it there.

863
01:02:27.920 --> 01:02:29.580
If you need any further explanation,

864
01:02:30.080 --> 01:02:31.200
check that post out, okay?

865
01:02:31.680 --> 01:02:33.820
All right, thanks for my ladies

866
01:02:33.820 --> 01:02:35.140
that already put your hands up.

867
01:02:35.200 --> 01:02:36.340
Alexandra, go ahead.

868
01:02:37.780 --> 01:02:39.780
Hi, Bethany, good to see you.

869
01:02:39.820 --> 01:02:40.920
Hi, good to see you too.

870
01:02:42.020 --> 01:02:43.900
Okay, so this has actually been

871
01:02:43.900 --> 01:02:46.300
like a major roadblock in my life.

872
01:02:48.020 --> 01:02:50.720
The submission at work specifically.

873
01:02:52.280 --> 01:02:54.520
So I just grew up in a really like,

874
01:02:54.540 --> 01:02:56.960
just very like chaotic home

875
01:02:56.960 --> 01:02:59.380
and there ended up being like a lot of neglect,

876
01:02:59.380 --> 01:03:02.020
but I just kind of like did my own thing.

877
01:03:02.140 --> 01:03:04.480
And then once I got older, I kind of learned

878
01:03:04.800 --> 01:03:07.880
like my parents weren't responsible with their finances

879
01:03:08.380 --> 01:03:10.380
and their marriage was falling apart.

880
01:03:10.380 --> 01:03:12.100
And then they got into new relationships

881
01:03:12.100 --> 01:03:15.540
and those fell apart and our life was falling apart.

882
01:03:15.540 --> 01:03:17.500
And I was, so I just kind of,

883
01:03:17.660 --> 01:03:20.200
and my mom would come home from work

884
01:03:20.200 --> 01:03:22.940
and I had come home from school and she was like,

885
01:03:23.180 --> 01:03:25.100
like, why haven't you done this in the house?

886
01:03:25.180 --> 01:03:26.100
Why haven't you done this?

887
01:03:26.180 --> 01:03:26.900
Why haven't you done this?

888
01:03:26.900 --> 01:03:28.440
And I'm a teenager at this point,

889
01:03:28.780 --> 01:03:33.120
but I was like, all I remembered in my head was like,

890
01:03:33.160 --> 01:03:37.880
you're not upholding like you're a part of this bargain.

891
01:03:37.960 --> 01:03:41.120
And like, so I don't feel like I wanna do mine.

892
01:03:41.220 --> 01:03:43.440
And we got in these big arguments.

893
01:03:43.440 --> 01:03:45.640
It was very traumatic for her apparently.

894
01:03:46.520 --> 01:03:49.100
I was just very much like, I'm not gonna do it.

895
01:03:49.240 --> 01:03:51.520
Like I don't, and I still did some things.

896
01:03:51.580 --> 01:03:53.060
I didn't like not do anything,

897
01:03:53.120 --> 01:03:56.060
but it was really hard for me to wanna do anything

898
01:03:56.060 --> 01:03:58.540
because I just didn't respect her.

899
01:04:00.320 --> 01:04:04.920
So at work, almost every job, there's other things,

900
01:04:05.020 --> 01:04:06.980
just like a lot of insecurity comes up.

901
01:04:07.080 --> 01:04:11.040
And then once I see that like I don't trust

902
01:04:11.040 --> 01:04:13.400
or don't agree with something that they're doing,

903
01:04:14.940 --> 01:04:17.600
it's very difficult for me to follow.

904
01:04:17.880 --> 01:04:20.980
And I've just kind of associated it with like,

905
01:04:21.080 --> 01:04:22.080
I'm very values-based.

906
01:04:22.160 --> 01:04:25.180
So if something doesn't really like align with my values,

907
01:04:25.180 --> 01:04:27.400
it's very hard for me to do it.

908
01:04:27.600 --> 01:04:29.580
But I've never gotten fat.

909
01:04:29.640 --> 01:04:30.600
Well, actually I did kind of,

910
01:04:30.640 --> 01:04:32.740
I got let go from a job for that.

911
01:04:33.280 --> 01:04:35.900
And I love my, I'm a nurse,

912
01:04:36.020 --> 01:04:38.080
but some of the jobs have been very stressful,

913
01:04:38.420 --> 01:04:40.020
but that on top of it,

914
01:04:40.020 --> 01:04:41.820
there just ends up being a lot of fear.

915
01:04:42.620 --> 01:04:45.720
And I think it's in relation to me

916
01:04:45.720 --> 01:04:49.100
kind of maybe rebelling in some small ways.

917
01:04:49.160 --> 01:04:51.780
I just kind of like shut down and try to keep to myself

918
01:04:52.000 --> 01:04:54.360
and like, I don't trust anybody.

919
01:04:54.360 --> 01:04:57.440
And then things kind of implode at the workplace.

920
01:04:58.600 --> 01:04:58.600


921
01:04:58.880 --> 01:04:59.920
Thank you for sharing.

922
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.400
I think there's a lot of crossover between this thing with your mom and what's happening

923
01:05:07.400 --> 01:05:07.760
at work.

924
01:05:07.900 --> 01:05:10.020
I'm curious, and it's okay if not, I'm just curious.

925
01:05:10.740 --> 01:05:16.660
Do you tend to struggle more with women or just people in general if you feel like that

926
01:05:16.660 --> 01:05:22.760
you don't agree with them or you feel like you don't trust them or whatever?

927
01:05:22.840 --> 01:05:25.540
Do you see this showing up with women more than men?

928
01:05:26.200 --> 01:05:26.680
It's tough.

929
01:05:26.680 --> 01:05:33.400
I work with a lot more women as a nurse, but the guys I have worked with, it hasn't been

930
01:05:33.400 --> 01:05:35.340
such a big thing.

931
01:05:35.740 --> 01:05:36.240
Yeah.

932
01:05:36.440 --> 01:05:37.120
Yeah.

933
01:05:37.120 --> 01:05:42.200
So that's kind of like where that signals, and even as you were talking about your mom,

934
01:05:43.560 --> 01:05:47.840
while both of your parents seem to struggle in that relationship and that relationship

935
01:05:47.840 --> 01:05:55.820
fell apart, which you might have feelings towards your dad as well, but it sounds like

936
01:05:55.820 --> 01:06:00.140
because you were living with mom and mom was coming home, kind of being hard on you

937
01:06:00.140 --> 01:06:08.580
to a degree, that when you partnered with the rebellion and kind of just like really

938
01:06:08.580 --> 01:06:15.520
choosing to disrespect her in your heart, which when you really unpack that, Alexandra,

939
01:06:15.960 --> 01:06:16.620
it's hurt.

940
01:06:17.480 --> 01:06:23.440
It's hurt that then doesn't get taken care of, that turns into bitterness and unforgiveness

941
01:06:23.440 --> 01:06:25.920
and resentment and all those things.

942
01:06:27.400 --> 01:06:33.960
And so even if you've already done quite a bit of work around this with your mom, I want

943
01:06:33.960 --> 01:06:39.020
to encourage you, there might be multiple times, but if there is a time that stands

944
01:06:39.020 --> 01:06:45.700
out in particular, which it sounds like this incident is one of them, that you would really

945
01:06:45.700 --> 01:06:51.920
invite Jesus to come into that situation with you and illuminate that for you to show you

946
01:06:51.920 --> 01:06:59.680
the truth that you're not seeing right now and to help you to see what you couldn't see

947
01:06:59.680 --> 01:07:02.940
back then and to forgive your mom.

948
01:07:03.380 --> 01:07:12.100
Because at the end of the day, I understand why you felt probably the way you did, but

949
01:07:13.300 --> 01:07:21.340
if you can choose to fully forgive her in that moment, in that time, not so much you,

950
01:07:21.340 --> 01:07:26.620
Alexandra now, which yes, that's what you're doing, but like, it's more about the younger

951
01:07:27.000 --> 01:07:34.000
version, Alexandra forgiving her mom for mistreating her or whatever was going on there, whatever

952
01:07:34.000 --> 01:07:35.060
you were feeling.

953
01:07:35.200 --> 01:07:40.620
And then what lies were rising up during that time as well, that you partnered with, you

954
01:07:40.620 --> 01:07:44.460
know, how dare she tell me what to do when she can't hold her own life together.

955
01:07:44.580 --> 01:07:47.460
You know, I don't know that that's what you thought, but those are the kinds of things

956
01:07:47.460 --> 01:07:51.440
that people, you know, really struggle when your parents look.

957
01:07:51.440 --> 01:07:56.640
Dare I say weak in some way, you know, or imperfect.

958
01:07:56.640 --> 01:08:03.000
And as children, we also, if we have parents that it looked like they were good and they

959
01:08:03.000 --> 01:08:09.760
were healthy and they had things together, we kind of inflate, you know, our perspective

960
01:08:09.760 --> 01:08:10.260
of them.

961
01:08:10.260 --> 01:08:15.260
And so when that all implodes and falls apart, we don't know what to do.

962
01:08:15.920 --> 01:08:21.840
And so if you didn't have anyone to help you process that, it's very common for the young

963
01:08:21.840 --> 01:08:27.640
children or teenagers in the home to feel rebellion, you know, that rebellion and disrespect

964
01:08:27.680 --> 01:08:29.880
and brokenness because they're sad.

965
01:08:30.800 --> 01:08:31.359
Yeah.

966
01:08:31.359 --> 01:08:36.220
And I think I struggle now with like, I guess, I don't know if it's pride.

967
01:08:36.260 --> 01:08:40.560
Like I am like, I do feel like I'm a smart person.

968
01:08:40.560 --> 01:08:44.640
And so I really struggle when like, I feel like I'm like that, especially as a nurse

969
01:08:44.640 --> 01:08:48.140
on the floor and my manager isn't a nurse telling me to do something.

970
01:08:48.359 --> 01:08:50.700
And I'm like, that doesn't actually make sense.

971
01:08:51.140 --> 01:08:57.180
And so I really struggle, like if I see a better way or something like that on like

972
01:08:57.180 --> 01:08:58.000
submitting to.

973
01:08:58.460 --> 01:09:00.660
So I have this like better than I don't know.

974
01:09:00.720 --> 01:09:02.240
But then I'm like, also, is that wrong?

975
01:09:02.240 --> 01:09:03.520
Because what if it really is better?

976
01:09:04.939 --> 01:09:09.279
Well, and I will say for those of you, everyone on the call, like if someone's asking you

977
01:09:09.279 --> 01:09:13.979
to do something that isn't good, okay, let's just, let's just put this out there too.

978
01:09:14.180 --> 01:09:17.720
We don't need to just, those are the times we need to stand up.

979
01:09:17.800 --> 01:09:24.180
But in this case, it's not bad that you think or see a better way or a way that you think

980
01:09:24.180 --> 01:09:25.720
might work things.

981
01:09:25.899 --> 01:09:29.680
Because I even sometimes see things that maybe my husband doesn't see.

982
01:09:30.560 --> 01:09:36.600
We have different perspectives, but I think the key, Alexandra, is what's in our heart.

983
01:09:37.840 --> 01:09:41.540
You know, like, in our heart is their pride.

984
01:09:43.000 --> 01:09:46.840
And I think even Annette shared a couple of weeks ago, you know, sometimes there's that

985
01:09:46.840 --> 01:09:48.160
right to be right.

986
01:09:48.220 --> 01:09:49.979
Like we have that right to be right.

987
01:09:49.979 --> 01:09:56.620
Like we just have to be right, you know, and that is rooted in pride and ego and things.

988
01:09:57.760 --> 01:09:59.980
Again, if you look at the self-preservation.

989
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.720
patient sheet though, some of those things show up because you're protecting the parts

990
01:10:05.720 --> 01:10:11.340
of yourself that were actually hurting. And so again, that's where it's going to be really

991
01:10:11.340 --> 01:10:14.780
important to go back and heal the younger version of yourself. Cause I think it's going

992
01:10:14.780 --> 01:10:21.000
to impact a lot of the ways that you're shown up with these situations and people. And then

993
01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:25.760
you mentioned insecurity. I want to touch on this real quick before I go to Susan. Um,

994
01:10:25.760 --> 01:10:31.340
I would love for you to look at what is causing the insecurity to rise up in these job situations

995
01:10:32.400 --> 01:10:37.560
and just ask the Lord, what, what's the root of that. So what's causing it to come up and

996
01:10:37.560 --> 01:10:42.420
when is the first time you felt those ways in your life? Because again, you have to go

997
01:10:42.420 --> 01:10:48.300
back to the source, the root of the insecurity and it it's, it's showing up in the work situations,

998
01:10:48.480 --> 01:10:54.960
but it it's rooted somewhere else most likely. Yeah. Um, yeah, I really struggle with like

999
01:10:54.960 --> 01:10:59.660
worrying about people talking bad about me or like not liking me and that kind of ties

1000
01:11:00.260 --> 01:11:07.640
yeah at work. So I have to figure that out. God will show me. Well, let me ask you a question.

1001
01:11:07.720 --> 01:11:14.180
Do you think you're a likable person? Um, the parts of me that are healthy. Yes. The

1002
01:11:14.180 --> 01:11:24.060
parts of me that have been damaged and hurt. I I'm like, I, I understand why. Yeah. I want

1003
01:11:24.060 --> 01:11:29.020
you to work on that a little bit from the perspective of, I'm not saying we don't all

1004
01:11:29.020 --> 01:11:35.420
like, we all have stuff where we need to still heal. Okay. But I want you to be kinder towards

1005
01:11:35.480 --> 01:11:42.480
the parts of yourself that are broken, if you will. Okay. Because I think what's happening

1006
01:11:42.880 --> 01:11:48.040
is actually the more I'm even processing this with you is the judgment that's coming out

1007
01:11:48.040 --> 01:11:53.980
on other people is actually judgment you have towards yourself. Yeah. And I don't know

1008
01:11:53.980 --> 01:11:59.900
exactly where that came from. Well, and again, this is where asking the Lord and some of it's

1009
01:11:59.900 --> 01:12:04.420
a process. You might not find out all these answers now, but it's just, these are dots

1010
01:12:04.420 --> 01:12:12.100
that God is kind of bringing together. And over time he'll keep connecting the dots. Um, but again,

1011
01:12:13.060 --> 01:12:18.540
if there was a moment when you were younger, when you rejected yourself in some way, that's where,

1012
01:12:18.540 --> 01:12:25.400
I mean, that's where it can start. Um, you know, I think a lot of us, um, I say this a lot in the

1013
01:12:25.400 --> 01:12:29.680
real you session, but like, you know, we're taught in Christian circles to love ourselves,

1014
01:12:29.760 --> 01:12:33.860
to love ourselves, but there's not a lot of people talking about, well, do you like yourself

1015
01:12:35.180 --> 01:12:41.300
and learning how to like who we are? Even y'all, sometimes I make some big, ugly mistakes

1016
01:12:41.860 --> 01:12:46.660
and like, even that day, like I, thankfully I didn't mistreat Brian or anything, but I was

1017
01:12:46.660 --> 01:12:53.020
feeling all kinds of ugly on the inside and I knew it didn't feel comfortable. And in the past,

1018
01:12:53.060 --> 01:12:59.240
I would have been so hard on myself about that. But instead the Lord through that article that

1019
01:12:59.240 --> 01:13:05.040
I just really quickly read was saying, don't judge yourself for how you're feeling right now.

1020
01:13:06.320 --> 01:13:09.860
And so I just want to give that to you and everyone else on here tonight.

1021
01:13:10.420 --> 01:13:18.180
Some of y'all really need to look at how you're judging yourself and criticizing and being harsh

1022
01:13:18.180 --> 01:13:25.440
towards yourself. And that behavior is then being reciprocated and kind of projected onto other

1023
01:13:25.440 --> 01:13:30.460
people as well, but it goes back. What's that source. When did this start in our lives where

1024
01:13:30.460 --> 01:13:36.300
we started judging and criticizing ourselves? Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm so glad

1025
01:13:36.300 --> 01:13:42.800
that you were here. I think you're pretty likable, Alexandra, just FYI. Keep receiving that.

1026
01:13:43.340 --> 01:13:46.940
All right. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. Susan, go ahead.

1027
01:13:48.820 --> 01:13:53.400
Hi, Bethany. I so appreciate you. Thank you. That last part was really helpful for me too.

1028
01:13:53.500 --> 01:14:00.000
I feel like I'm very ungracious to my parts. I think are ugly. I don't know if you remember me

1029
01:14:00.000 --> 01:14:08.580
last week. I came on last. Okay. All right. So a few more, I wanted to talk to you a little bit

1030
01:14:08.580 --> 01:14:27.160
more about the babysitter that we, excuse me. I told my mom about it today and she remembered

1031
01:14:27.160 --> 01:14:32.380
that like, yeah, I was probably about nine or 10 and the neighbor boy probably was 12 or 13

1032
01:14:32.380 --> 01:14:39.640
and he babysat us. And she said that he did have an erection when he came over. And I'm like, okay,

1033
01:14:39.640 --> 01:14:47.120
that makes sense. Because I remember feeling a certain way. And my mom was surprised that

1034
01:14:47.140 --> 01:14:51.860
for me, it feels good in a way. Cause I'm like, okay, that makes sense. Why I've been like scared

1035
01:14:53.240 --> 01:14:58.000
of, was scared so long. I mean, it's not like I'm scared of guys now or that I've never had sex

1036
01:14:58.000 --> 01:14:59.420
or anything as an adult, but.

1037
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.560
It made sense why I was like that for such a long time and panicked, but she was surprised.

1038
01:15:05.880 --> 01:15:10.060
She's like, she didn't realize that that could have caused me to be like, have that reaction.

1039
01:15:11.280 --> 01:15:16.040
And then she said right away, I think a lot of people go through sexual abuse or go through

1040
01:15:16.060 --> 01:15:17.780
situations like that.

1041
01:15:17.860 --> 01:15:24.220
And so I was like, I feel like you're minimizing, like to just say that right away after I told

1042
01:15:24.220 --> 01:15:24.660
you something.

1043
01:15:24.720 --> 01:15:25.940
No, no, I'm not trying to minimize you.

1044
01:15:25.940 --> 01:15:26.560
I'm just saying.

1045
01:15:27.440 --> 01:15:31.160
And then it was kind of quiet for like a few minutes in the car.

1046
01:15:31.440 --> 01:15:34.300
And then, you know, after that, she's like, well, I'm really sorry that happened.

1047
01:15:34.420 --> 01:15:36.600
And I know that God is going to restore the years.

1048
01:15:36.840 --> 01:15:37.460
So that was helpful.

1049
01:15:38.100 --> 01:15:43.400
But it did kind of make me feel like, well, yeah, is, I mean, you know, just saying that,

1050
01:15:43.540 --> 01:15:49.580
like so many people have had that and they don't seem to be like so scared, like, you

1051
01:15:49.580 --> 01:15:52.860
know, is it really that, but yeah.

1052
01:15:52.860 --> 01:15:58.080
And we have another woman in here that I've kind of been coaching her through some similar

1053
01:15:58.080 --> 01:15:58.640
things.

1054
01:15:59.280 --> 01:16:04.040
The reality is, is unfortunately this does happen to a lot of people.

1055
01:16:04.240 --> 01:16:09.680
It does, but it's okay then in that moment, that's not what you needed to hear.

1056
01:16:10.640 --> 01:16:15.220
But what I love about what your mom did is while there was silence for a little bit,

1057
01:16:15.220 --> 01:16:21.920
when she spoke again, she really acknowledged, you know, what you went through and how that

1058
01:16:21.920 --> 01:16:22.500
impacted you.

1059
01:16:22.500 --> 01:16:23.680
And that's, that's good.

1060
01:16:24.380 --> 01:16:26.540
Some people cannot do that at all.

1061
01:16:26.800 --> 01:16:29.120
So I love that she made that shift.

1062
01:16:30.180 --> 01:16:35.080
You know, I want to encourage you if you feel still some kind of like, oh, like, why did

1063
01:16:35.080 --> 01:16:35.680
she say that?

1064
01:16:35.680 --> 01:16:38.920
I would just forgive her in that moment.

1065
01:16:40.040 --> 01:16:45.380
She probably just didn't handle that super great right out of the gate, but sounds like

1066
01:16:45.380 --> 01:16:47.800
she really, really pulled through on that.

1067
01:16:48.440 --> 01:16:50.360
But I'm really glad you told her.

1068
01:16:50.360 --> 01:16:56.060
And I think just again, ladies, when we bring, when we feel led, you know, and you felt led

1069
01:16:56.060 --> 01:16:57.480
to talk to your mom about it.

1070
01:16:58.140 --> 01:17:02.240
And we bring these things out of the darkness into the light, there can just be a lot more

1071
01:17:02.240 --> 01:17:04.580
healing and a lot more freedom that can come.

1072
01:17:05.120 --> 01:17:09.420
And so I'm excited to, to see where this is going to go for you.

1073
01:17:09.460 --> 01:17:10.240
Thank you.

1074
01:17:10.480 --> 01:17:11.040
You're welcome.

1075
01:17:11.320 --> 01:17:16.680
I feel like I've been a little bit angry or feeling a little bit sorry for myself.

1076
01:17:16.680 --> 01:17:18.740
Because I'm like, I'm 44.

1077
01:17:19.000 --> 01:17:20.800
This is like taking so many years for me.

1078
01:17:20.820 --> 01:17:23.640
So it makes me like a little bit.

1079
01:17:24.280 --> 01:17:24.840
I don't know.

1080
01:17:25.880 --> 01:17:31.200
But I did a thing at the beach today and did like, you know, forgiving everybody and the

1081
01:17:31.200 --> 01:17:35.700
Holy Spirit did bring another situation, a few other situations to my mind.

1082
01:17:36.000 --> 01:17:38.700
So I, you know, tried to forgive those people too.

1083
01:17:39.800 --> 01:17:45.200
I've had stuff, violations as an adult, but I feel like I've addressed, I mean, I've already

1084
01:17:45.200 --> 01:17:47.820
like, I knew of those, you know what I mean?

1085
01:17:48.440 --> 01:17:48.520
Yeah.

1086
01:17:48.520 --> 01:17:59.180
So I didn't, you know, yeah, I did relate with what you were saying about submission

1087
01:17:59.200 --> 01:18:02.060
and like getting in a relationship and losing yourself.

1088
01:18:04.040 --> 01:18:10.760
So I feel like I, yeah, I have, I was trying to think where I, cause I feel like I do have

1089
01:18:10.760 --> 01:18:12.820
this kind of side that doesn't want to submit either.

1090
01:18:13.100 --> 01:18:14.280
That's a little bit rebellious.

1091
01:18:15.180 --> 01:18:18.880
And I feel like it comes out in the church because I was raised in the church.

1092
01:18:19.420 --> 01:18:20.740
Cause I'm self-employed.

1093
01:18:20.740 --> 01:18:22.560
I've like been self-employed for 20 years.

1094
01:18:22.600 --> 01:18:23.920
Like I don't have anyone telling me what to do.

1095
01:18:24.000 --> 01:18:26.080
I hate being told what to do.

1096
01:18:27.260 --> 01:18:31.240
But I can't really think of any areas of my life because I'm just like, I set my own schedule

1097
01:18:31.240 --> 01:18:31.640
every day.

1098
01:18:31.640 --> 01:18:32.640
I do whatever I want.

1099
01:18:33.980 --> 01:18:39.120
But I think with church, like I haven't really been in like too much community.

1100
01:18:39.120 --> 01:18:42.740
I mean, I attend church and stuff like that, but I've always just kind of gone on my own

1101
01:18:42.740 --> 01:18:43.420
and gone home.

1102
01:18:43.860 --> 01:18:46.360
And for a long time, I didn't have Christian friends either.

1103
01:18:46.480 --> 01:18:52.900
Like I would more like be bringing people to the Lord, but I think I have some wounds

1104
01:18:53.700 --> 01:18:58.680
with spiritual authority because of maybe getting taught incorrect things about God

1105
01:18:58.680 --> 01:19:01.640
and the law versus like the new covenant and grace.

1106
01:19:02.340 --> 01:19:02.840
Yeah.

1107
01:19:02.840 --> 01:19:09.860
Well, definitely look into those because as you were sharing, for those of you, and I'm

1108
01:19:09.860 --> 01:19:14.640
not saying, you know, I know some people will have seasons where maybe God is taking you

1109
01:19:14.680 --> 01:19:20.860
to a sanctuary away from a church to heal and all of those things, but what can happen

1110
01:19:21.520 --> 01:19:27.980
unfortunately is God actually created us for community in person, as well as this is an

1111
01:19:27.980 --> 01:19:28.680
amazing community too.

1112
01:19:28.680 --> 01:19:30.180
And this will be a blessing to you.

1113
01:19:31.320 --> 01:19:35.000
But I wrote down needs to get rooted.

1114
01:19:36.960 --> 01:19:42.300
So like what I mean by that is the Bible talks about that God wants to plant us in a place

1115
01:19:42.300 --> 01:19:44.200
where we can grow and flourish.

1116
01:19:44.920 --> 01:19:48.760
And I do believe that, you know, that can be a lot of different aspects, but I do believe

1117
01:19:48.760 --> 01:19:54.660
one of those is in a church that's healthy, where we can grow and become a part of a

1118
01:19:54.660 --> 01:19:59.920
community where we become known, you know, where we just don't, I've done that before.

1119
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.600
When I was going through my divorce, I walked into the church.

1120
01:20:02.720 --> 01:20:06.540
I went to the service and I left every week and nobody knew me.

1121
01:20:06.640 --> 01:20:15.700
And it felt great because in the years past, everybody knew me, everybody knew my business and I just needed a break, but that wasn't where God wanted me to stay.

1122
01:20:17.260 --> 01:20:29.440
Because not only do I receive a blessing when I am known by other people and I allow myself to get to know them, but I also have an opportunity to be a blessing to them.

1123
01:20:30.000 --> 01:20:30.420
Right.

1124
01:20:30.940 --> 01:20:34.100
So I want to encourage you to just look at that a little bit with the Lord.

1125
01:20:34.340 --> 01:20:43.980
Like what, you know, when is the first time someone in the church, you know, did or said something that was hurtful or led you astray or offended you or whatever that might be for you.

1126
01:20:44.220 --> 01:20:46.780
And let's just see where the Lord leads you in that.

1127
01:20:47.000 --> 01:20:57.100
And then the last thing I was going to say, and then I'll come over to Yash, is that for all of you that struggle with losing yourself in a relationship.

1128
01:20:57.920 --> 01:20:58.400
Okay.

1129
01:20:58.820 --> 01:21:05.600
The reason that happens is because we don't have our, our own values and thoughts defined.

1130
01:21:05.680 --> 01:21:06.920
What do we like?

1131
01:21:07.160 --> 01:21:10.000
What don't we like now we can give and take in relationship.

1132
01:21:10.200 --> 01:21:12.040
I don't like everything that Brian likes.

1133
01:21:12.400 --> 01:21:13.960
Some shows that he likes to watch.

1134
01:21:14.020 --> 01:21:18.180
I'm like, man, I don't care about this show, you know, and that's fine.

1135
01:21:19.440 --> 01:21:25.720
But if I don't know any of the things that I like or don't like, or who I am, I don't know what my values are.

1136
01:21:25.720 --> 01:21:28.680
And I'm not rooted in Christ in my identity.

1137
01:21:28.880 --> 01:21:33.280
What can happen is I try to then kind of like a chameleon, right?

1138
01:21:33.660 --> 01:21:37.940
Or these little geckos around here in Florida, they change colors when they're on certain things.

1139
01:21:38.180 --> 01:21:48.260
Well, we can become like that too, or we lose ourselves and our identity because, you know, the person we're with, well, that's not what God intended us to do.

1140
01:21:48.440 --> 01:21:50.580
He intended us to be who we are.

1141
01:21:50.680 --> 01:21:55.420
And then that is a blessing and calls out the spiritual DNA in someone else.

1142
01:21:56.540 --> 01:22:03.160
So if we lose ourselves, man, that's so much important stuff that the world needs.

1143
01:22:03.860 --> 01:22:04.300
Right.

1144
01:22:04.940 --> 01:22:09.680
So for you and everyone, let's, let's discover who you are.

1145
01:22:09.760 --> 01:22:12.740
So go do, go do some stuff you haven't done in a while.

1146
01:22:12.800 --> 01:22:14.000
Get out of your comfort zone.

1147
01:22:14.120 --> 01:22:15.240
Try some things out.

1148
01:22:15.320 --> 01:22:16.060
What do you like?

1149
01:22:16.140 --> 01:22:16.940
What don't you like?

1150
01:22:16.940 --> 01:22:18.280
And get to know yourself again.

1151
01:22:18.700 --> 01:22:19.140
Okay.

1152
01:22:19.380 --> 01:22:19.820
Okay.

1153
01:22:19.820 --> 01:22:20.380
Sounds good.

1154
01:22:20.580 --> 01:22:21.060
All right.

1155
01:22:21.160 --> 01:22:21.560
Awesome.

1156
01:22:22.040 --> 01:22:22.400
Thanks, Bethany.

1157
01:22:22.960 --> 01:22:23.400
You're welcome.

1158
01:22:23.640 --> 01:22:24.420
Good to see you.

1159
01:22:24.860 --> 01:22:25.080
You too.

1160
01:22:25.080 --> 01:22:26.760
Yash, go ahead.

1161
01:22:27.880 --> 01:22:28.640
Hi, everyone.

1162
01:22:29.160 --> 01:22:31.580
So my sharing was with Emily.

1163
01:22:32.740 --> 01:22:41.160
So I shared kind of a roadblock I really identified during these few weeks after starting Harvard.

1164
01:22:41.920 --> 01:22:50.720
So this is actually because of, I'm the only child in the family and I'm, I was born in a South Asian country in Sri Lanka.

1165
01:22:51.720 --> 01:23:10.120
So from small days, what my parents were talking about is, hey, you were born alone and, you know, one day when we are not there, you just need to, you know, find someone and get married because arranged marriages are very common and very kind of high in South Asian countries.

1166
01:23:10.740 --> 01:23:13.560
So since the age of 16, that's what I've heard.

1167
01:23:13.580 --> 01:23:17.080
I mean, they've tried to bring in arranged marriages when I was 19 and I rebelled.

1168
01:23:17.220 --> 01:23:20.180
I said, no, I mean, I want to do it for myself.

1169
01:23:20.180 --> 01:23:22.340
And I want to marry for love.

1170
01:23:22.600 --> 01:23:24.960
And by that time I have not known the Lord.

1171
01:23:26.180 --> 01:23:28.660
And so fast forward to my adult life.

1172
01:23:29.260 --> 01:23:36.740
And so as I grew up, I mean, I did have relationships, but I kind of, you know, I realized I always lived in fear.

1173
01:23:36.940 --> 01:23:50.020
I didn't introduce the guys that I was dating to my parents up until they kind of came with a ring or something like that, which we did not get to that part where even though one guy, I mean, really went close to

1174
01:23:50.020 --> 01:23:51.540
that, but it didn't happen.

1175
01:23:52.700 --> 01:24:02.780
So so I mean, when my I remember when my mom got she had a massive heart attack when I was probably 20 in my 20s.

1176
01:24:02.900 --> 01:24:04.920
So then she was in the hospital.

1177
01:24:05.260 --> 01:24:07.220
I mean, I was just running around getting things sorted.

1178
01:24:08.160 --> 01:24:16.020
And what my relatives came, what they said when they came to see me was like, you know, you know, you're alone.

1179
01:24:16.080 --> 01:24:18.140
You need to think just get married to someone.

1180
01:24:18.140 --> 01:24:20.920
Right. And I felt so pressurized.

1181
01:24:21.080 --> 01:24:31.640
I remember that that time so vividly that I said, no, I mean, getting married is not a solution for being alone.

1182
01:24:31.920 --> 01:24:38.140
Right. So then fast forward to my early 30s when I got to know the Lord, I knew Lord is there for me.

1183
01:24:38.180 --> 01:24:40.860
First and foremost, I have the Lord with me.

1184
01:24:40.860 --> 01:24:47.460
And then it's I need to help help myself to understand that Lord cares for me.

1185
01:24:49.000 --> 01:24:53.760
And then he cares about my marriage, too, that, you know, there's nothing called forced marriages.

1186
01:24:54.580 --> 01:24:57.120
So the beginning of this year, I've been having nightmares.

1187
01:24:57.580 --> 01:24:59.840
So the nightmares was about like I go to the.

1188
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.080
But with someone I mean I like but then again I run back, you know, it was so crazy.

1189
01:25:06.080 --> 01:25:12.720
So then I realized my mother's mother was married, she was married at 15, but it was

1190
01:25:12.720 --> 01:25:15.020
a forced marriage, right?

1191
01:25:15.020 --> 01:25:20.560
So she was asked to get married like right of out of school at the age of 15.

1192
01:25:21.600 --> 01:25:26.640
And her husband was about five years elder, but then again, later on, they I mean, they

1193
01:25:26.640 --> 01:25:31.160
worked out they were married for a couple of years, in the sense like he died like pretty

1194
01:25:31.200 --> 01:25:31.900
early.

1195
01:25:33.160 --> 01:25:39.040
And then, so then I really fasted and prayed and broke the general generational curses.

1196
01:25:39.520 --> 01:25:41.540
So then I stopped having those nightmares.

1197
01:25:42.160 --> 01:25:53.100
So then after I started hard work, I realized that I had this fear of men that like probably

1198
01:25:53.100 --> 01:25:55.260
I had that fear.

1199
01:25:56.020 --> 01:26:03.020
And I have that pressurizing kind of feeling to do something that I don't want to do.

1200
01:26:04.640 --> 01:26:07.220
And then I've been praying about that.

1201
01:26:07.340 --> 01:26:12.720
I've been praying God, please, just crucify all these pressurizing spirits attacking me

1202
01:26:12.720 --> 01:26:13.540
through other people.

1203
01:26:13.740 --> 01:26:15.920
So that's what I've been trying to do.

1204
01:26:16.160 --> 01:26:18.000
So that's my sharing with Emily.

1205
01:26:21.780 --> 01:26:25.920
So, interestingly enough, I'm just going to go with what I heard the Lord say.

1206
01:26:27.140 --> 01:26:30.180
I don't normally say stuff like this, I'm prefacing it.

1207
01:26:30.980 --> 01:26:38.380
So I almost think an idol has been created out of not like allowing anyone to tell you

1208
01:26:38.380 --> 01:26:39.140
what to do.

1209
01:26:40.180 --> 01:26:40.660
You know?

1210
01:26:41.080 --> 01:26:42.400
Yeah, that's true.

1211
01:26:42.400 --> 01:26:48.720
Yeah, so like it becomes this thing that we like hold up, like nobody's going to tell

1212
01:26:48.720 --> 01:26:49.260
me what to do.

1213
01:26:49.320 --> 01:26:50.420
Nobody's going to pressure me.

1214
01:26:50.580 --> 01:26:57.380
And then what it does is it's going to internalize some things in you because you're partnering

1215
01:26:57.380 --> 01:27:00.640
with something that isn't God's intention for you.

1216
01:27:00.720 --> 01:27:04.880
Now, did you need to get married when your parents wanted you to get married and arrange

1217
01:27:04.880 --> 01:27:05.200
marriage?

1218
01:27:05.200 --> 01:27:06.240
I'm not saying that.

1219
01:27:06.240 --> 01:27:12.940
But what I am saying is that the more that you partner with, you know, there's pressure,

1220
01:27:13.140 --> 01:27:14.920
there's pressure, there's pressure to get married.

1221
01:27:15.800 --> 01:27:19.720
And you're believing there's lies that are floating around with that, right?

1222
01:27:19.720 --> 01:27:23.920
Because there's things that you're feeling, but there's lies connected to all of that.

1223
01:27:24.600 --> 01:27:30.420
And so that's even though you're free of the nightmares, there's stuff on the inside that

1224
01:27:30.420 --> 01:27:31.440
still needs healed.

1225
01:27:32.360 --> 01:27:37.460
You know, so let's just talk about the, you know, you said tonight a couple of times,

1226
01:27:38.080 --> 01:27:42.160
people said over you, you're born alone, you're alone, you're alone, get married.

1227
01:27:42.380 --> 01:27:47.320
And so is there some level of I'm alone?

1228
01:27:47.580 --> 01:27:49.620
And there's panic around that.

1229
01:27:50.600 --> 01:27:59.020
Yeah, I mean, I know even when I got sick, like I had a very bad gastro issue in February.

1230
01:27:59.020 --> 01:28:02.020
Like I had palpitations and all that.

1231
01:28:02.200 --> 01:28:06.300
And I know because in my job also, like we were going through a global restructure.

1232
01:28:06.540 --> 01:28:08.120
So people were losing jobs.

1233
01:28:08.940 --> 01:28:10.520
So praise God, I didn't lose my job.

1234
01:28:10.600 --> 01:28:14.460
But then again, everything was kind of, you know, at kind of a very high point at that

1235
01:28:14.680 --> 01:28:15.160
time.

1236
01:28:15.280 --> 01:28:18.560
And then I like palpitation for two weeks, I couldn't sleep.

1237
01:28:19.280 --> 01:28:21.160
So because of that, I had a lot of issues.

1238
01:28:21.220 --> 01:28:26.780
And I really felt I felt like, you know, even if the palpitation was high, and I fall down,

1239
01:28:26.780 --> 01:28:29.800
I mean, people will find out after a couple of days.

1240
01:28:30.800 --> 01:28:34.500
So and I'm afraid of being alone when you were sick.

1241
01:28:34.560 --> 01:28:35.700
Is that what I hear you saying?

1242
01:28:35.840 --> 01:28:36.600
Yeah, yeah.

1243
01:28:36.600 --> 01:28:36.980
Okay.

1244
01:28:37.020 --> 01:28:39.240
So what were the lies that you were hearing?

1245
01:28:39.460 --> 01:28:40.200
Were the lies?

1246
01:28:40.900 --> 01:28:43.380
You know, were they I'm going to die alone?

1247
01:28:43.620 --> 01:28:46.500
Were they, you know, nobody really cares about me?

1248
01:28:46.560 --> 01:28:48.240
What were the lies that you were hearing?

1249
01:28:49.580 --> 01:28:54.620
I think the biggest lie that I am, I was believing was that, you know,

1250
01:28:54.620 --> 01:28:59.660
God will ask me to marry someone that I'm, I, I'm not attracted to.

1251
01:29:00.420 --> 01:29:06.020
Or I mean, when I say I'm not attracted to I'm not looking for a spark, right?

1252
01:29:06.340 --> 01:29:07.580
Okay, so sorry, hold on one sec.

1253
01:29:07.860 --> 01:29:11.240
So when you were in the hospital, that's what I'm looking at right now.

1254
01:29:11.260 --> 01:29:17.840
So when you were in the hospital, and you were, you know, feeling alone, what were the

1255
01:29:17.840 --> 01:29:21.320
lies when you were in the hospital, and you were feeling alone?

1256
01:29:21.440 --> 01:29:24.040
What were what were the things that you were hearing?

1257
01:29:25.380 --> 01:29:28.260
Then from my, from my relatives?

1258
01:29:28.540 --> 01:29:34.760
Is that just no, no, I'm saying like, what were you battling with in your mind when you

1259
01:29:34.760 --> 01:29:37.420
were in the hospital, and you were by yourself?

1260
01:29:39.320 --> 01:29:41.840
Um, because that's, I'm alone.

1261
01:29:42.020 --> 01:29:42.240
Yeah.

1262
01:29:42.240 --> 01:29:42.640
Okay.

1263
01:29:42.700 --> 01:29:43.120
Okay.

1264
01:29:43.840 --> 01:29:44.880
I'm alone.

1265
01:29:45.020 --> 01:29:50.660
And I don't know whether people would even know if something happens to me, they will

1266
01:29:50.660 --> 01:29:53.180
get it to know, get to know after a couple of days.

1267
01:29:53.180 --> 01:29:59.980
So if I had a partner, a husband, so you know,

1268
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.940
there would be somebody there to kind of attend to me and take care of me.

1269
01:30:05.700 --> 01:30:11.080
But then again, I know, I mean, having a spirit mate is not just to take care of each other,

1270
01:30:11.080 --> 01:30:18.320
right? There's a whole lot of assignment from God, if you call it.

1271
01:30:18.860 --> 01:30:26.760
I'm going to ask you another question here. So I really think there's something to this alone

1272
01:30:26.760 --> 01:30:35.220
thing. So when your parents spoke over, over you, you were born alone. What was the intention?

1273
01:30:35.300 --> 01:30:39.820
Like, why did they say that to you? For me to be independent.

1274
01:30:40.480 --> 01:30:46.920
Okay. Okay. So you were an only child and they wanted you to be strong and, you know, all the

1275
01:30:46.920 --> 01:30:54.480
things. Okay. Did you feel connected to your parents growing up? Like, did you feel a bond

1276
01:30:54.480 --> 01:31:00.560
with them emotionally, mentally, physically? Yeah. Yeah. They were good parents. It's just

1277
01:31:00.560 --> 01:31:07.960
that they had very rigid framework in terms of parenting, but they did show me love. I mean,

1278
01:31:08.000 --> 01:31:14.000
there were things that did not go right, that did go right. But you know, I have gone,

1279
01:31:14.080 --> 01:31:19.200
walked with the Lord and forgiven for that. So, yeah. Okay. All right. Well, let's just, for now,

1280
01:31:19.200 --> 01:31:24.680
I think the big thing is coming out of agreement with the lie. I'm alone and I'm going to be alone,

1281
01:31:25.020 --> 01:31:29.040
you know, for a long time, or that God's going to force me to be with someone I don't want to be

1282
01:31:29.160 --> 01:31:35.000
with. Again, that's, that's kind of that projecting what our parents kind of, maybe we're doing,

1283
01:31:35.000 --> 01:31:38.980
your parents were trying to arrange a marriage before your time, your grandma,

1284
01:31:39.040 --> 01:31:44.240
you know, got married really young. And so it's projecting that onto God, that God would do those

1285
01:31:44.240 --> 01:31:49.720
things. And so I want to encourage you to come out of agreement with those lies and thought patterns.

1286
01:31:50.980 --> 01:31:55.880
But there's something in this alone thing that I feel like God wants to reveal for healing. And so

1287
01:31:55.880 --> 01:32:04.360
I just want to encourage you to ask him about that and just see where that leads. And let's,

1288
01:32:04.620 --> 01:32:11.060
let's post in the group as God is unpacking that for you, because I feel like that's going to tie

1289
01:32:11.060 --> 01:32:17.320
into stuff that maybe you didn't even know was there in you. Not so much in the other people and

1290
01:32:17.320 --> 01:32:26.320
things they're saying. Yeah, sometimes, Crystal, in other cultures, that is, they put such an

1291
01:32:26.320 --> 01:32:30.880
emphasis on the marriage that it really does create a lot of pressure for people growing up

1292
01:32:30.880 --> 01:32:36.660
in those cultures. But, um, but yeah, so look into those with the Lord and let's just see what he

1293
01:32:36.780 --> 01:32:43.000
reveals. Um, it might be, you know, again, like these aren't things we can dig up. We have to just pray

1294
01:32:43.280 --> 01:32:48.900
and ask the Lord to reveal them for healing. And I like to call it, you want to pull the string.

1295
01:32:48.960 --> 01:32:53.480
Like if there's something that comes up, even if it doesn't seem like it connects with what we're

1296
01:32:53.480 --> 01:32:59.380
talking about, that you would pull that string. Okay, Lord, I, I'm having this memory or I'm

1297
01:32:59.380 --> 01:33:03.780
having this thought. I don't really know what it connects to, but Lord, will you show me

1298
01:33:03.780 --> 01:33:09.120
what is it that you're trying to tell me through this thought or this, you know, memory and just

1299
01:33:09.120 --> 01:33:14.820
see where those go. So you want to pull the thread ladies and, and then go to the next thing that he

1300
01:33:14.820 --> 01:33:18.820
reveals for healing. Cause sometimes as we're trying to get to the root, that root might not

1301
01:33:18.820 --> 01:33:24.960
come right away. Does that make sense? Yeah, I understand. Yeah. All right. Awesome. Look forward

1302
01:33:24.960 --> 01:33:29.640
to hearing how that is for you. For anyone that needs to jump off, it's nine 33. I want to be,

1303
01:33:29.640 --> 01:33:33.580
honorable to your time. Totally understand if you're not able to stay.

1304
01:33:34.640 --> 01:33:40.780
I will try to get through as many of you ladies with your hands up as I can. Shakira, go ahead.

1305
01:33:43.780 --> 01:33:59.620
Hi, Bethany. Hi. I've had some good experiences with submission. I find that if I feel like the

1306
01:34:00.420 --> 01:34:07.300
then I don't have a problem with submission, but I find that a lot of the times, most of the time,

1307
01:34:07.660 --> 01:34:17.320
I'm pretty combative. If I don't agree with the person like I growing up my dad was pretty

1308
01:34:17.320 --> 01:34:25.680
controlling. So I would argue with him a lot. My mom, she was pretty insecure about herself and

1309
01:34:25.680 --> 01:34:37.480
a kind of close to what Alex was saying, how kind of as adults, they weren't acting the way,

1310
01:34:37.840 --> 01:34:47.060
you know, you would hope your parents would act. Yeah, I don't know. I think, I guess,

1311
01:34:47.260 --> 01:34:54.860
I know that I have to work on like forgiving my mom cause she's, I feel like the hardest one for me

1312
01:34:54.860 --> 01:34:59.980
to respect. So was mom

1313
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.600
You said are harsh with you. You mentioned that your dad was

1314
01:35:04.220 --> 01:35:04.960
harsh with you.

1315
01:35:05.560 --> 01:35:10.120
Yeah, it's Yeah, like my my dad was the one that was controlling.

1316
01:35:10.120 --> 01:35:13.120
He was like, you're gonna do this activity, this activity.

1317
01:35:13.520 --> 01:35:16.800
You can't do this activity because this won't get you into

1318
01:35:17.160 --> 01:35:21.600
a college. And like, why are you know, like, if I, I was a music

1319
01:35:21.600 --> 01:35:24.380
major for like a semester, and he was like, what are you going

1320
01:35:24.380 --> 01:35:26.880
to do with that? Like, are you going to be a music teacher?

1321
01:35:26.880 --> 01:35:29.540
You're not, you know, you're not going to amount to anything.

1322
01:35:30.260 --> 01:35:37.640
But um, I don't know, I think maybe because I, I, I noticed

1323
01:35:38.520 --> 01:35:41.780
sooner that that was the relationship that was harder,

1324
01:35:42.580 --> 01:35:45.140
hardest for me. So I think I prayed over that relationship

1325
01:35:45.200 --> 01:35:51.640
more. But with my mom, since I started the heart work, I, I'm

1326
01:35:51.640 --> 01:35:54.620
starting to realize kind of how resentful I am towards her

1327
01:35:54.620 --> 01:36:01.560
because I'm like, people would describe her as like, naive. Um,

1328
01:36:01.560 --> 01:36:05.700
she has a problem with her background. I think I shared

1329
01:36:05.700 --> 01:36:12.360
with you how, like she doesn't. I'm like, I asked her once, like

1330
01:36:12.360 --> 01:36:15.900
if she thought that, like someone who was white was more

1331
01:36:15.900 --> 01:36:19.820
worthy than like her and she said yes. So she has problems

1332
01:36:19.820 --> 01:36:24.380
with her identity. And she's like been experiencing like

1333
01:36:24.380 --> 01:36:28.860
depression, anxiety. And she says, like, since I was younger

1334
01:36:28.860 --> 01:36:37.220
and hasn't really tried to draw close to God for help from that

1335
01:36:37.740 --> 01:36:41.940
aspect. She's just gone straight to, like a psychiatrist and

1336
01:36:41.940 --> 01:36:46.900
she's always anxious and, and there's just stuff like, like

1337
01:36:46.900 --> 01:36:51.580
the, like the last time I went to go visit, um, my, I went to

1338
01:36:51.700 --> 01:36:56.480
visit in Florida. My mom called me like she's she called me her

1339
01:36:56.480 --> 01:37:02.480
second mom. And that was uncomfortable. Because she's

1340
01:37:02.480 --> 01:37:07.240
supposed to be my mom, you know. And this year, my grandma, her

1341
01:37:07.240 --> 01:37:11.660
mom just passed away. My mom's an only child. And my mom was

1342
01:37:11.660 --> 01:37:14.500
trying to my mom and her relatives were trying to put it

1343
01:37:14.500 --> 01:37:20.540
on me to go to Jamaica and be there for the funeral and to

1344
01:37:20.700 --> 01:37:24.620
deal with the deed for the house. And I was like, I don't

1345
01:37:24.620 --> 01:37:28.620
know how to do that. Like, I don't feel comfortable having

1346
01:37:28.880 --> 01:37:34.460
that responsibility. And just the other day, my mom was like,

1347
01:37:34.820 --> 01:37:38.140
oh, when you have the money, can you please like buy these

1348
01:37:38.140 --> 01:37:42.040
sneakers for me and this is my size and this is the color. And

1349
01:37:42.040 --> 01:37:45.780
I'm thinking like, she just got remarried. Like I thought her

1350
01:37:45.960 --> 01:37:49.400
financial situation would be better. I thought her husband

1351
01:37:49.400 --> 01:37:53.800
would, you know, be more accountable, like would keep her

1352
01:37:53.800 --> 01:37:55.960
more accountable. And yeah.

1353
01:37:57.000 --> 01:38:01.280
So when your mom asked you that about the shoes, did you buy her

1354
01:38:01.280 --> 01:38:01.700
the shoes?

1355
01:38:02.540 --> 01:38:07.660
I didn't, I didn't. I've, I've, I've been Yeah, I've gotten

1356
01:38:07.660 --> 01:38:14.620
moved me to New England. And I learned very quickly that I

1357
01:38:14.620 --> 01:38:17.840
would, I used to do everything my parents told me because I was

1358
01:38:17.840 --> 01:38:21.600
like, I'm a Christian. I'm supposed to obey my parents. And

1359
01:38:21.600 --> 01:38:26.040
then I moved up here when COVID happened. And my dad was asking

1360
01:38:26.040 --> 01:38:31.460
me to send money to my mom and brother to like pay rent because

1361
01:38:31.460 --> 01:38:34.940
they were renting like, my grandma's house. And I said,

1362
01:38:34.960 --> 01:38:38.860
like, I just moved up here. I don't have furniture. I can't,

1363
01:38:39.280 --> 01:38:41.800
you know, send money down. Like I have to take care of myself

1364
01:38:41.740 --> 01:38:46.280
now. So I started to realize I have to say no. And in this

1365
01:38:46.340 --> 01:38:49.720
situation, I almost bought the shoes, because they're only 60

1366
01:38:49.720 --> 01:38:53.380
bucks. But what I didn't said was I said, you know, hey, mom,

1367
01:38:53.380 --> 01:38:57.740
like, I won't be able to get you the shoes. But I recommend, you

1368
01:38:57.740 --> 01:39:03.200
know, putting money aside, maybe each paycheck, to be able to pay

1369
01:39:03.200 --> 01:39:09.860
it off. So, um, she responded well to that, I think. But

1370
01:39:10.800 --> 01:39:11.340
yeah.

1371
01:39:12.420 --> 01:39:17.100
Okay. So I think, absolutely, I would work on forgiving your mom.

1372
01:39:17.760 --> 01:39:22.180
And, you know, I think as well, you know, I feel like I should

1373
01:39:22.180 --> 01:39:26.280
mention that there is enmeshment that can happen in families. If

1374
01:39:26.280 --> 01:39:33.520
you look that up, it's E-N-M-E-S-H-M-E-N-T enmeshment. It

1375
01:39:33.520 --> 01:39:36.900
sounds like you're coming out of that, which is amazing. That's

1376
01:39:36.900 --> 01:39:39.780
why I asked you like, and not that it would have been the

1377
01:39:39.960 --> 01:39:42.900
thing in the world if you had bought the sneakers, okay. But

1378
01:39:43.240 --> 01:39:47.160
there are definitely boundaries the Lord is leading you to set

1379
01:39:47.160 --> 01:39:52.320
that are healthy for you so that you can move forward. But what

1380
01:39:52.320 --> 01:39:56.260
can happen is when we grew up in enmeshment, where there weren't

1381
01:39:56.260 --> 01:39:59.280
a lot of boundaries, where there was a lot of triangulation, like

1382
01:39:59.280 --> 01:39:59.980
kind of what's happening.

1383
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:07.180
as your mom is now kind of putting you in her mom role and that, that just changes the dynamics

1384
01:40:07.180 --> 01:40:14.880
in the relationship to unhealthy, um, on all kinds of levels. But as you understand, like,

1385
01:40:15.800 --> 01:40:24.580
as you grow and heal, the enemy might use her to try to kind of grab, to try not intentionally to

1386
01:40:24.580 --> 01:40:29.980
hold you back, but she doesn't know how to let go. She doesn't sound like she really knows how to

1387
01:40:30.000 --> 01:40:36.360
have a healthy life. Um, and so it will be important for you to really know what your

1388
01:40:36.360 --> 01:40:41.520
boundaries are, what, you know, where the enemy doesn't torment you because you're a Christian,

1389
01:40:41.620 --> 01:40:45.300
you have to do this and this and this and this and this, and it's never enough. It's never enough

1390
01:40:45.460 --> 01:40:52.320
where you really are. Okay. Like this is ways I can help my mom. This is stuff I can't do.

1391
01:40:52.880 --> 01:40:57.920
Um, you know, you can even lovingly say to your mom, when she says things like,

1392
01:40:57.920 --> 01:41:02.820
um, you know, you're like my second mom, no mom, I'm your daughter.

1393
01:41:03.620 --> 01:41:10.900
Um, so I'm not going to step into the mom role. Okay. And that might mean you might have to not

1394
01:41:10.900 --> 01:41:18.700
mom your mom. Yeah. Literally sometimes what can happen ladies is when our parents aren't

1395
01:41:18.700 --> 01:41:26.320
living like adults and making adult decisions, we try to parent them. Okay. And not that that's

1396
01:41:26.320 --> 01:41:32.220
case for you, but you might have to watch that because she might be trying to put you into that

1397
01:41:32.100 --> 01:41:41.140
role. And you might say, I used to do it. I, and like one of the things that I don't know how to

1398
01:41:41.140 --> 01:41:49.780
stop is my parents coming to me about my younger brother, who's an adult. And I think I've tried

1399
01:41:50.380 --> 01:41:57.040
at least telling my mom it's it's, I don't know how to do it with my dad, but I think I asked like,

1400
01:41:57.800 --> 01:42:03.500
you know, if they could stop telling me about what's going wrong with my brother, but they

1401
01:42:03.500 --> 01:42:10.260
kind of just ignore me. Um, so one of the things, and this can be really tough. So I just want you

1402
01:42:10.260 --> 01:42:17.680
to know that on the front end, but when my parents would do that, it got to the point,

1403
01:42:17.680 --> 01:42:22.880
they didn't honor my boundaries either. And so ladies learning boundaries and learning what to

1404
01:42:22.880 --> 01:42:29.240
do when people don't honor our boundaries is also very important. Okay. So I wasn't mean,

1405
01:42:29.560 --> 01:42:34.740
but when my parents would start talking about my siblings and they did not honor my boundary,

1406
01:42:34.740 --> 01:42:39.340
because I had already told them multiple times, I would say like, I'm going to give an example.

1407
01:42:39.460 --> 01:42:46.120
I'll use my dad, dad. Remember I told you, I'm not going to have conversations about Brian. And

1408
01:42:46.120 --> 01:42:51.400
I don't want to talk about this. If you continue to talk about Brian was my brother. If you continue

1409
01:42:51.400 --> 01:42:56.000
to talk about Brian, we're going to have to end this phone conversation or in-person conversation

1410
01:42:56.000 --> 01:43:02.180
or whatever that was. And, um, if he got mad or whatever, and he continued to do it, I would say,

1411
01:43:02.180 --> 01:43:08.840
dad, I really love you, but I'm going to have to hang up now. And that is how I had to do it.

1412
01:43:08.840 --> 01:43:17.580
It's not easy, but I became healthier and healthier and healthier because I was establishing

1413
01:43:17.580 --> 01:43:23.520
a new normal. I was choosing healthy and I wasn't going to get drawn into the drama all the time.

1414
01:43:23.920 --> 01:43:28.560
My family lived in drama. They didn't want to come out of drama. And I did not want to live

1415
01:43:28.560 --> 01:43:37.100
there with them. And so I had to decide what do I want my life to look like, sound like, feel like,

1416
01:43:37.100 --> 01:43:44.980
and what am I willing, where am I willing to bend that? If, if there is a need, you know,

1417
01:43:45.300 --> 01:43:49.960
if there's an emergency and there's something that we really do. Okay. Somebody needs help then. Okay.

1418
01:43:49.960 --> 01:43:54.280
Yeah. We can talk about that situation with my sibling, but if you're going to gossip about

1419
01:43:54.280 --> 01:44:00.520
them and talk about them, the conversation, I love you is going to have to end. Yeah.

1420
01:44:00.700 --> 01:44:06.720
And so just start practicing that. It sounds like you're going to have to do some of that kind of

1421
01:44:06.720 --> 01:44:12.440
stuff and they may not like it in the beginning or ever, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't

1422
01:44:12.440 --> 01:44:24.960
do that for your own health. Okay. Okay. All right. And as, as far as other people and,

1423
01:44:24.960 --> 01:44:35.320
and the submission thing how do I like, if I don't agree with someone

1424
01:44:35.880 --> 01:44:45.740
and my first instinct is to like, react and be like, no, that's wrong. How do I, I guess,

1425
01:44:46.520 --> 01:44:53.720
go about that so that it's not a problem. Like later on, I don't, I don't know how to

1426
01:44:53.720 --> 01:44:59.980
First, first, like ask yourself, okay. Is this wrong? Because it's, you know, not in a line.

1427
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:07.960
with God's word, you know, like, is it something that they're asking me to do? That's not healthy

1428
01:45:07.960 --> 01:45:14.360
for healthy for me or, you know, in alignment in a good way. Now, the tricky part is we

1429
01:45:14.360 --> 01:45:21.900
can't just tell everybody what to do all the time. Okay. So there's a balance there. Um,

1430
01:45:21.900 --> 01:45:29.420
if someone is asking you to do something that is against your values, 100% you can stand

1431
01:45:29.420 --> 01:45:36.060
up and say, Hey, no, that's, that's not good. Okay. I'm not going to do that. Um, if it's

1432
01:45:36.060 --> 01:45:41.380
someone at work, um, sometimes what can be, if they're asking you to do something illegal,

1433
01:45:41.480 --> 01:45:45.740
you do not have to agree with that. You do not have to submit to that. Okay. I just want

1434
01:45:45.740 --> 01:45:52.900
to make sure I'm very clear on that. But there are times ladies where, you know, we might

1435
01:45:52.900 --> 01:45:58.560
not fully agree with every single thing that our spouse is going to do, but if they're

1436
01:45:58.560 --> 01:46:04.540
doing it with, in their ability to the best of their ability to honor and love the family

1437
01:46:04.540 --> 01:46:11.380
and care for, or even just navigate their own healing and journey, um, you know, I do

1438
01:46:11.380 --> 01:46:17.440
think that there are times where God is going to ask us to lovingly pray for them, to share

1439
01:46:17.440 --> 01:46:24.140
our heart, to set healthy boundaries, but also to give them grace and not have to like

1440
01:46:24.140 --> 01:46:28.340
I said earlier, not always have to be right, you know, and prove that we're right.

1441
01:46:30.520 --> 01:46:37.100
Does that make sense? Okay. Yes. Yes. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you so much for

1442
01:46:37.960 --> 01:46:51.660
sharing. Uh, Tatiana, go ahead. Okay. Um, I'm sorry. Hi. Um, so I recently, this is like so

1443
01:46:51.740 --> 01:46:56.540
crazy that we're talking about this cause I recently let something happen. Um, but I have

1444
01:46:56.540 --> 01:47:04.360
a really hard time submitting to my dad. And I just, as I've gotten older, I've noticed it more

1445
01:47:04.760 --> 01:47:11.560
because I like tend to be passive aggressive. And I feel like that's something I really need

1446
01:47:11.560 --> 01:47:19.380
to change because like just the other day, um, he like told me something, he like kind of just

1447
01:47:19.380 --> 01:47:24.860
got onto me and it was like, he wasn't yelling or anything. It wasn't a bad interaction, but

1448
01:47:25.100 --> 01:47:30.400
just every time he says something to me, like, I just want to roll my eyes and just like, like,

1449
01:47:30.400 --> 01:47:36.900
I just don't want to hear, I don't care. And the problem with that was I came, I was like walking

1450
01:47:36.900 --> 01:47:42.920
inside to my house and I came inside and then I like took it out on my mom because I was angry

1451
01:47:42.920 --> 01:47:49.660
with him. And, and then she told me like, I like the very next day we talked about it and I

1452
01:47:49.660 --> 01:47:53.580
apologized to her. And she was like, that'd be like, you're passive aggressive. Like you

1453
01:47:53.600 --> 01:48:01.660
need to fix that. Um, but I know like, like, I don't feel like I can talk to him. And I feel like

1454
01:48:01.740 --> 01:48:07.000
the times that I have tried, I get so emotional and he doesn't take me seriously or like,

1455
01:48:07.000 --> 01:48:13.540
like, I just don't know how to present myself well. So I ended up yelling or whatever, and it's just

1456
01:48:14.460 --> 01:48:25.380
bad. Hey, so, so I'm going to mute you just for a second, Tatiana, just cause I was getting

1457
01:48:25.380 --> 01:48:34.300
feedback and then you can just unmute yourself to talk again. Um, so, um, on some of this, um,

1458
01:48:34.860 --> 01:48:38.040
when you unmute, let me know if you live with your dad as well.

1459
01:48:39.000 --> 01:48:44.060
Um, but I want to encourage you. Um, there's a couple things, um,

1460
01:48:46.240 --> 01:48:51.060
in the rolling eyes. It's so interesting that you're even mentioning this because there's this

1461
01:48:51.060 --> 01:48:58.220
woman at our church that literally, if I say something and she doesn't like it, she rolls

1462
01:48:58.220 --> 01:49:04.920
her eyes at me. And I just told Brian, this just happened again, Sunday. I was like, she clearly

1463
01:49:04.920 --> 01:49:11.660
didn't like what I was saying because she rolled her eyes at me again. Um, and it's really frustrating,

1464
01:49:13.520 --> 01:49:21.200
but I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, but you know, I know that that's happening in her

1465
01:49:21.380 --> 01:49:27.760
because she doesn't want to submit to the authority that God has placed me in, in the church there.

1466
01:49:28.940 --> 01:49:35.260
She, she wants to do things her way. And I even said to her like, Hey, we can meet in the middle

1467
01:49:35.260 --> 01:49:41.500
here. Like, I'm not saying I'm not listening to what, but like, she just doesn't, she does not

1468
01:49:41.500 --> 01:49:48.600
want a woman telling her what to do. It's very evident. So with your dad, I would encourage you

1469
01:49:48.600 --> 01:49:53.080
to look at when is the first time you started feeling this way with him, where you just,

1470
01:49:53.080 --> 01:49:56.920
you know, no matter what he says, you just are annoyed with him,

1471
01:49:57.480 --> 01:49:59.980
feel rebellion, feel disgust, whatever the

1472
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:05.920
feelings are, because I would like you to identify that as well. Just kind of pray like,

1473
01:50:06.100 --> 01:50:10.120
Lord, when I'm rolling my eyes, what's really underlying under there?

1474
01:50:11.900 --> 01:50:18.840
You know, is it disgust? Is it that I think my dad's a fool? Is it that, you know, I don't want

1475
01:50:18.840 --> 01:50:24.760
my dad telling me what to do because I saw my dad hurt my mom? You know, like whatever it is,

1476
01:50:25.280 --> 01:50:30.660
that you will be able to, with the Lord, identify what's kind of the source of

1477
01:50:30.660 --> 01:50:36.680
the rolling of the eyes. The other thing that I was going to say is that

1478
01:50:38.860 --> 01:50:45.460
I want to encourage you to pray about writing your dad a letter about how you think and feel.

1479
01:50:46.640 --> 01:50:51.620
Because when you write a letter, you're going to have more time to process your emotions.

1480
01:50:52.240 --> 01:50:57.420
You're going to have more time to really identify what it is that you're trying to say.

1481
01:50:58.400 --> 01:51:05.400
Now, he may or may not receive it well, we don't know. But I feel like for you to practice,

1482
01:51:05.660 --> 01:51:10.720
like writing on paper, what you think, and you don't have to necessarily hand him that paper,

1483
01:51:11.180 --> 01:51:16.440
but you can have that paper with you. So that when you go to talk to your dad, it will be a point

1484
01:51:17.240 --> 01:51:23.620
you know, like a support for you. It'll help you stay on track. And then when those emotions,

1485
01:51:23.860 --> 01:51:29.260
when you feel that, because typically when our emotions go way up, we feel it in our flesh,

1486
01:51:29.620 --> 01:51:38.020
and then we just give into it. Okay? The Holy Spirit can empower you to walk in peace.

1487
01:51:39.880 --> 01:51:45.040
Peace is one of the fruits of the Spirit. And so the more we mature in the fruits of the,

1488
01:51:45.040 --> 01:51:49.640
in the Spirit, and we spend time with the Lord, so you might need to pray

1489
01:51:49.900 --> 01:51:55.420
and spend time with the Lord before you go visit your dad, you know, and really center yourself.

1490
01:51:55.900 --> 01:51:59.940
And it doesn't always have to be these long prayer sessions. Okay? Sometimes that's really

1491
01:51:59.940 --> 01:52:04.120
good. Okay? But it might even be like, hey, if you're going to go visit your dad, maybe you need

1492
01:52:04.120 --> 01:52:09.520
to put a worship song on the way there. You know, maybe one that's peaceful, that helps you kind of

1493
01:52:09.690 --> 01:52:15.090
and, you know, the praise and worship and the happy ones are amazing, but those might not be

1494
01:52:15.090 --> 01:52:21.430
the ones to put on before you go see dad. Okay? Because if you're feeling some kind of anxiousness,

1495
01:52:21.450 --> 01:52:29.350
it might feed that, even if it's a happy song. So do you live with your dad as well?

1496
01:52:30.550 --> 01:52:36.050
Yes, I do. Okay. So you live with mom and dad, and I forget you're 19, correct?

1497
01:52:36.050 --> 01:52:41.210
Yes. Yeah. I'm in college right now. All right. I just was trying to remember. So, and I'm not

1498
01:52:41.210 --> 01:52:47.330
trying to minimize it, but I do want you to know some of this is normal, that, that change that's

1499
01:52:47.330 --> 01:52:52.650
happening because you're, you're a young adult now, and you're still living at mom and dad's,

1500
01:52:53.170 --> 01:53:00.110
and it seemed like you really resonated with, did dad hurt mom at some point? And that's when you

1501
01:53:00.110 --> 01:53:04.570
started. So I don't know if he said something or did something, but you met, you had an expression

1502
01:53:04.570 --> 01:53:09.710
that came up on your face when I said that. And so that, that kind of leads me to think there was

1503
01:53:09.710 --> 01:53:15.190
a memory that might've popped up there for you. And so if there were times that you felt like

1504
01:53:15.190 --> 01:53:23.030
your dad was not kind or mistreated your mom in some way, what can happen is we can actually take

1505
01:53:23.030 --> 01:53:29.590
up an offense for other people. And I have a feeling that you've taken up an offense for your

1506
01:53:29.590 --> 01:53:35.790
mom. Yeah. I want to, like, as you were talking about that, like, I want to cry

1507
01:53:37.450 --> 01:53:42.270
because like my, my relationship with my mom, like I'm like, we're very, very close to each

1508
01:53:42.110 --> 01:53:48.610
other. And I feel like for her in terms of submission, like it's so easy to submit to

1509
01:53:48.610 --> 01:53:52.050
her because even if she's like telling me something, I don't want to hear it. Like,

1510
01:53:52.050 --> 01:53:58.930
I love her so much that it's like, like, I'll do it for you. Like, yeah, I want to cry right now,

1511
01:53:58.930 --> 01:54:07.650
but I definitely do see that, um, that I just, I feel like I see a lot of hypocrisy and just like,

1512
01:54:08.690 --> 01:54:14.450
sometimes just the way he talks to her, it's like, she's so smart. She's so fun. Like don't,

1513
01:54:15.130 --> 01:54:22.930
don't minimize who she is. And, and I feel like it just makes me mad, but then I don't say anything.

1514
01:54:24.030 --> 01:54:27.990
Hey, so I think those are some of the things that might need to go in that letter. And Hey,

1515
01:54:27.990 --> 01:54:32.610
I don't want you to feel like you have to give that to him or you have to say it out loud. I

1516
01:54:32.610 --> 01:54:37.350
think right now processing how you feel when you're seeing those things happen to your mom

1517
01:54:37.350 --> 01:54:43.090
is going to be a really big part of helping you. Um, and then forgiving your dad for the times

1518
01:54:43.090 --> 01:54:48.790
that you feel like there is that hypocrisy or he's treating your mom, like she's not smart or

1519
01:54:48.750 --> 01:54:57.970
any, any of that stuff. Cause this definitely hit, hit something for you. Um, and so when I

1520
01:54:58.630 --> 01:54:59.970
you know, allowed

1521
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:06.060
yourself when you're writing this to feel mad, to feel sad, whatever it is you have to feel,

1522
01:55:06.800 --> 01:55:12.640
so that you can really truly surrender your dad to the Lord as well.

1523
01:55:16.720 --> 01:55:18.140
Okay. Thank you.

1524
01:55:18.900 --> 01:55:23.160
You're welcome. You're welcome. And we're going to be praying for your dad. And you know, you

1525
01:55:23.160 --> 01:55:28.380
might find that if you talk to him again, I don't know your dad, but you might find that

1526
01:55:28.380 --> 01:55:32.300
he becomes truly repentant for what he's been doing and saying.

1527
01:55:36.040 --> 01:55:37.120
Yeah. Thank you.

1528
01:55:37.680 --> 01:55:41.520
You're welcome. We're praying for you. Let us know how it goes. If you choose to talk to him,

1529
01:55:41.540 --> 01:55:45.200
or even in the, if you don't choose to talk to him, but just write a letter to help yourself

1530
01:55:45.240 --> 01:55:48.080
either way, we'd love to hear how that goes for you. Okay.

1531
01:55:49.220 --> 01:55:49.660
Okay.

1532
01:55:49.660 --> 01:55:53.020
All right. Awesome. Thanks for sharing. Teresa, go ahead.

1533
01:55:54.380 --> 01:55:55.220
Hi, Bethany.

1534
01:55:55.220 --> 01:55:55.920
Hi.

1535
01:55:57.180 --> 01:56:01.260
Okay. I thought I was going to tell you something that felt like it was kind of simple,

1536
01:56:01.340 --> 01:56:06.400
but then as we went, God showed me something more that's actually harder to talk about. So

1537
01:56:06.400 --> 01:56:13.200
I'm going to do that. I realized that it is easier for me to lead than to be led.

1538
01:56:16.000 --> 01:56:26.200
And what I wrote down first was that I saw this vision of like a dog who obeys and catches and

1539
01:56:26.200 --> 01:56:33.880
fetches and does all the things, but doesn't want to roll over and show his belly. So being

1540
01:56:34.760 --> 01:56:41.860
vulnerable is a struggle, not doing what's being asked. There's not a problem with that. It's the

1541
01:56:41.860 --> 01:56:49.700
vulnerable. And it may have a connection with the one thing I was going to say earlier.

1542
01:56:50.440 --> 01:56:55.100
When I asked God, when you talked about forgiveness, I asked God, is there anything else

1543
01:56:55.640 --> 01:57:06.440
that I haven't forgiven? And with my dad, he is very slow to fulfill what he says he's going to do

1544
01:57:07.160 --> 01:57:12.940
or to do the things. And sometimes they just never get done. So there's an anxiousness that

1545
01:57:12.940 --> 01:57:19.400
comes anytime I ask something with an expectation that it's likely not going to be done. So God

1546
01:57:19.540 --> 01:57:25.680
showed me, yeah, we need to work on that with when I'm asking God for something right now,

1547
01:57:26.020 --> 01:57:32.940
and I get distracted easily after I ask. So there's a fear that is coming up and I want to

1548
01:57:32.940 --> 01:57:38.320
have peace and trust that my God says he's going to do it. He's going to do it. He's not a God

1549
01:57:38.320 --> 01:57:44.120
that's slow to answer. And so I start thinking about that scripture, but still after that even

1550
01:57:44.120 --> 01:57:49.920
was when I realized it's easier for me to lead than be led. And I absolutely do not want to

1551
01:57:49.920 --> 01:57:56.780
take that into a relationship. Yes. So, you know, I think the best direction for you, Teresa,

1552
01:57:56.780 --> 01:58:02.060
is to ask the Lord the first time that you were vulnerable and it didn't go well for you.

1553
01:58:04.560 --> 01:58:09.120
Okay. So that doesn't have to be even massively extreme. It could have been that you felt like

1554
01:58:09.120 --> 01:58:15.320
your feelings didn't matter that they weren't honored. It could be more extreme. It might

1555
01:58:15.320 --> 01:58:20.460
have been that someone actually said something, you know, harmful or hurtful when you were

1556
01:58:21.060 --> 01:58:27.120
vulnerable. And it might not even be parents. It could have been a friend. And I'm actually,

1557
01:58:28.280 --> 01:58:31.860
have you had something like that happen with a friend? Cause I just saw like, as if someone

1558
01:58:31.860 --> 01:58:35.960
came up and hugged you and like, have you ever seen the movie scenes where they kind of like,

1559
01:58:36.040 --> 01:58:40.900
makes me even think of a shoot. I'm not going to think, be able to think of the name of,

1560
01:58:41.000 --> 01:58:44.680
but where they stab you in the side, they come up close and they stab you in the side,

1561
01:58:45.140 --> 01:58:50.380
you know, someone where they, they got up close and there was a level of intimacy and then the

1562
01:58:50.540 --> 01:58:56.100
wound happened. And so I want just you to be praying into that. Yeah. Because typically

1563
01:58:57.400 --> 01:59:03.040
at some point when we no longer feel comfortable to show vulnerability, it's because vulnerability

1564
01:59:03.160 --> 01:59:10.320
was mishandled. That's, you know, at some point in the past or we saw someone else be vulnerable

1565
01:59:10.880 --> 01:59:15.920
and then they were mistreated. So if it wasn't you, it could have been someone that you saw

1566
01:59:15.920 --> 01:59:20.900
kind of like Tatiana seeing her mom get mistreated. It's causing all this stuff in her,

1567
01:59:20.900 --> 01:59:29.540
regarding her dad. And then the other thing is that in, so this happens even in the heartwork.

1568
01:59:29.720 --> 01:59:33.820
And so I do want to encourage you all, which I appreciate you helping each other in the chat,

1569
01:59:34.120 --> 01:59:38.200
but just remember when you're in the heartwork, you're here to just receive,

1570
01:59:39.040 --> 01:59:43.740
Hey, you all aren't here to coach or help anybody. And that was really beautiful. What I saw,

1571
01:59:44.000 --> 01:59:48.800
I'll see going on in the chat, but I just want to remind everybody. And the reason I'm, I feel like

1572
01:59:48.800 --> 01:59:54.000
this is kind of the Lord, even bringing this conversation up by what you're saying. Some of us,

1573
01:59:55.140 --> 01:59:59.920
it's really quite vulnerable to come in the heartwork and take off all of our.

1574
02:00:01.360 --> 02:00:06.380
You know, myself included when I came through the heartwork, I wanted to help everybody.

1575
02:00:08.340 --> 02:00:09.440
I'm a good helper.

1576
02:00:09.820 --> 02:00:10.660
I am.

1577
02:00:11.220 --> 02:00:13.220
And so I just wanted to help everybody cheer them on.

1578
02:00:13.220 --> 02:00:14.280
I'm a good cheerleader.

1579
02:00:14.480 --> 02:00:21.560
I can encourage people and those are great things, but I do that also as a protection

1580
02:00:21.960 --> 02:00:27.940
mechanism, because if I stopped doing that, you know, sometimes if you just sit in the

1581
02:00:27.940 --> 02:00:31.760
silence, you can actually feel your emotions.

1582
02:00:32.660 --> 02:00:35.780
So sometimes I'm so going from one thing to the next thing to the next thing.

1583
02:00:36.060 --> 02:00:40.320
And it's not even that I'm not intending to work on the things because y'all, I coach

1584
02:00:40.320 --> 02:00:40.940
you all the time.

1585
02:00:40.940 --> 02:00:43.620
I think about all the things that God is showing me to work on.

1586
02:00:44.660 --> 02:00:50.300
And so what happens, I go and get a massage and God has a way of bringing things out of

1587
02:00:50.300 --> 02:00:51.320
us, doesn't he?

1588
02:00:51.660 --> 02:00:55.840
And so, you know, what comes to mind is that easier to lead than be led.

1589
02:00:55.840 --> 02:00:59.440
There's a level of, I don't trust you to lead me.

1590
02:01:00.140 --> 02:01:01.980
I can lead better.

1591
02:01:03.140 --> 02:01:05.120
I can do this without you.

1592
02:01:05.580 --> 02:01:10.960
You know, there's all these things that come up in us because somewhere along the way,

1593
02:01:11.760 --> 02:01:18.920
someone that was supposed to lead us hurt us and they didn't lead so well, if you will.

1594
02:01:19.480 --> 02:01:25.040
And so from that point on, we decided, well, I'm going to be the leader here.

1595
02:01:25.780 --> 02:01:29.740
So I want to encourage you to come out of alignment with that, that you're the only

1596
02:01:29.740 --> 02:01:36.800
one that can lead and that you're not safe when other people lead and start to partner

1597
02:01:36.800 --> 02:01:37.500
with that.

1598
02:01:37.520 --> 02:01:38.600
I am God defended.

1599
02:01:38.960 --> 02:01:42.700
I'm going to come into agreement with interdependence on God.

1600
02:01:42.740 --> 02:01:45.420
I can trust you God to lead me really well.

1601
02:01:47.180 --> 02:01:54.460
And to do what you say you're going to do and follow through because when we can't,

1602
02:01:55.280 --> 02:01:59.680
when our dads or our moms say they're going to do things and they don't follow through

1603
02:01:59.680 --> 02:02:04.220
you all, it just causes us to think God isn't going to follow through, you know, just like

1604
02:02:04.220 --> 02:02:04.700
them.

1605
02:02:05.400 --> 02:02:05.920
Yeah.

1606
02:02:05.920 --> 02:02:07.680
So start with those couple things.

1607
02:02:07.680 --> 02:02:09.420
Let's see where this leads you.

1608
02:02:09.420 --> 02:02:16.440
Um, again, I'm always, I, for some of you, I'm like, okay, it's, it's that it's that

1609
02:02:16.440 --> 02:02:16.700
thing.

1610
02:02:16.700 --> 02:02:21.240
But for some of you, the others, I'm like, okay, I think that this is going to lead you

1611
02:02:21.240 --> 02:02:22.440
to something else.

1612
02:02:22.440 --> 02:02:27.140
This is really important and it's going to help you a great deal, but I think it's going

1613
02:02:27.140 --> 02:02:30.900
to lead you to some other sources of healing that are a little bit deeper.

1614
02:02:30.960 --> 02:02:37.340
That may be because that struggle to turn your belly over and be vulnerable at times,

1615
02:02:37.340 --> 02:02:40.920
it's also causing you to, you want to go deep.

1616
02:02:41.000 --> 02:02:44.960
You want to heal, but there's a level of, wow.

1617
02:02:44.960 --> 02:02:52.940
Like if I really go all in here, what's going to get uncovered, you know?

1618
02:02:53.160 --> 02:02:56.880
And so you don't have to be afraid God's going to help you.

1619
02:02:57.020 --> 02:03:01.800
And he's going to help you process things and love on you every step of the way.

1620
02:03:01.920 --> 02:03:02.760
He will.

1621
02:03:04.260 --> 02:03:04.440
That's good.

1622
02:03:04.720 --> 02:03:05.240
Yeah.

1623
02:03:05.240 --> 02:03:05.540
That's good.

1624
02:03:05.840 --> 02:03:06.180
Thank you.

1625
02:03:06.180 --> 02:03:06.660
Thank you for sharing for you.

1626
02:03:06.900 --> 02:03:07.560
You're welcome.

1627
02:03:08.880 --> 02:03:09.660
Thank you for sharing.

1628
02:03:09.900 --> 02:03:10.720
Crystal, go ahead.

1629
02:03:14.300 --> 02:03:14.500
Thank you.

1630
02:03:14.600 --> 02:03:17.960
This has all been so very, very good.

1631
02:03:18.040 --> 02:03:21.240
And that last part was really helpful for me.

1632
02:03:21.740 --> 02:03:26.520
I'm kind of a, like, what does it look like?

1633
02:03:26.920 --> 02:03:32.740
So when you talk about submission, it almost becomes like this word out here.

1634
02:03:32.740 --> 02:03:41.140
I look at the definitions, but I think I'm assessing myself and I'm going, okay, I think

1635
02:03:41.140 --> 02:03:42.720
I submit, but do I?

1636
02:03:43.020 --> 02:03:45.200
And then I start thinking about like work.

1637
02:03:46.240 --> 02:03:48.160
I've been married before.

1638
02:03:49.220 --> 02:03:56.060
It wasn't a good marriage, so it's not a good, like, I'm thinking what's healthy biblical

1639
02:03:56.060 --> 02:03:56.580
submission.

1640
02:03:56.780 --> 02:03:58.580
What are baby steps that I can take?

1641
02:03:58.580 --> 02:04:07.040
Almost, it just seems so kind of out there that I'm wondering how do I step into it?

1642
02:04:07.320 --> 02:04:12.100
And probably what I would think is like for both you and Annette, what were ways that

1643
02:04:12.100 --> 02:04:16.380
you started practicing healthy biblical submission before marriage?

1644
02:04:16.640 --> 02:04:18.020
What did that look like?

1645
02:04:19.040 --> 02:04:24.940
So you can kind of have a gauge because in your own subjectivity, you think, oh, I'm

1646
02:04:24.940 --> 02:04:25.600
doing pretty good.

1647
02:04:25.600 --> 02:04:30.320
It really isn't until you get into marriage that you go, oh, I didn't even know what submission

1648
02:04:30.320 --> 02:04:30.700
was.

1649
02:04:31.660 --> 02:04:33.020
Does that make sense?

1650
02:04:33.620 --> 02:04:34.080
It does.

1651
02:04:34.500 --> 02:04:40.960
And I think my first response is kind of like what I was saying to Susan earlier.

1652
02:04:42.220 --> 02:04:47.160
Are we having trouble submitting at church to other people in authority over us?

1653
02:04:47.280 --> 02:04:48.340
How's it going at work?

1654
02:04:48.340 --> 02:04:57.100
Am I practicing, you know, even if I don't fully agree with the boss's direction that

1655
02:04:57.100 --> 02:04:59.980
he's choosing, am I just rebelling against that?

1656
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:05.440
or am I choosing to honor him because God, you know, I believe God led me to that job

1657
02:05:05.500 --> 02:05:10.880
and they're in authority over me. Now, again, there's the balance and wisdom there. You know,

1658
02:05:10.880 --> 02:05:16.960
we don't want to go against our values or things like that. But to me, those are genuinely things

1659
02:05:16.960 --> 02:05:22.580
that I was doing to practice preparing to also submit in relationship with my husband.

1660
02:05:22.580 --> 02:05:31.560
And I think also, you know, in the beginning, even when you're dating, I mean,

1661
02:05:32.400 --> 02:05:39.760
there's these opportunities that are presenting themselves to trust the person that you're now

1662
02:05:39.760 --> 02:05:45.300
dating to, you know, lead you to, it doesn't mean they're over you like a covering, but like,

1663
02:05:46.180 --> 02:05:54.260
even like to just let them pick like a surprise date. I mean, my control freak self in the past,

1664
02:05:54.260 --> 02:05:59.480
sometimes it was not super comfortable with that because I've had people mistreat me and

1665
02:05:59.480 --> 02:06:06.020
trick me and lie and all this stuff. And so looking at the character of the person,

1666
02:06:06.680 --> 02:06:15.940
Brian was trustworthy. So I didn't have to partner with fear to, in a sense, trust him and,

1667
02:06:16.320 --> 02:06:21.620
and not submit because I wasn't, it wasn't a big decision over us at the time, but like,

1668
02:06:22.320 --> 02:06:26.500
even in that small decision to like, not have to get all the answers.

1669
02:06:28.140 --> 02:06:33.780
So would you like, let's say, for example, you gave the example of work we were submitting to

1670
02:06:33.780 --> 02:06:39.980
or submitting in his decision-making. And so let's just say, you know, you're finding yourself,

1671
02:06:41.200 --> 02:06:44.600
or maybe I submit at work, but then I talk about my boss later.

1672
02:06:46.360 --> 02:06:54.840
So then do you start asking yourself questions? Like, how do you get to the root of what is not

1673
02:06:55.560 --> 02:07:03.280
like the, the root issue, the lot, the, the center lie, because I feel like it all comes

1674
02:07:03.280 --> 02:07:09.740
down to lies and truth. It really does. It does 100%. And Crystal, I think, you know,

1675
02:07:09.740 --> 02:07:16.720
as soon as you feel that, that feeling rise up in you, it's like, Oh, hello there. You know,

1676
02:07:16.720 --> 02:07:22.280
you kind of take note of it and then you're yeah. When you're making note of it in your phone or

1677
02:07:22.280 --> 02:07:27.760
whatever. And when you have time with the Lord, like, Hey Lord, today at work, this, I mean,

1678
02:07:27.760 --> 02:07:31.500
he already knows, but I just talked to him. I talked to him. Like he's my friend, Lord,

1679
02:07:31.560 --> 02:07:36.020
this happened. And like, even when that happened with that woman yesterday and she rolled her eyes

1680
02:07:36.040 --> 02:07:41.320
Lord, that didn't feel good. Like, and that may, I felt some kind of way with it too. So,

1681
02:07:41.400 --> 02:07:47.120
Lord, can you show in me, like, what is it in me? That's also getting this feeling of frustration

1682
02:07:47.120 --> 02:07:53.840
now, you know, so really looking at, okay, is this because what they're asking me is not healthy

1683
02:07:53.840 --> 02:08:00.060
or good, or is this something in me that I just don't want to follow someone else's lead because

1684
02:08:00.060 --> 02:08:04.800
a, I think they're wrong. They should have done something else or, you know, what is it in us?

1685
02:08:05.540 --> 02:08:14.100
Okay. Another thing to, to look at ladies is, you know, how, how were our parents,

1686
02:08:14.100 --> 02:08:20.520
you know, how did our parents, um, work well together? Did the mom complain about the dad

1687
02:08:20.520 --> 02:08:24.820
behind his back? Cause you said something interesting. You said, do you, you know,

1688
02:08:24.880 --> 02:08:30.940
maybe do I submit at work and then go home and talk about it? So I didn't know if that,

1689
02:08:31.160 --> 02:08:35.960
if you meant to talk, you know, about your boss to someone, or if you just met, you know,

1690
02:08:35.960 --> 02:08:40.440
talk to the Lord, but it brought up a good point, whether that is what you meant or not,

1691
02:08:40.440 --> 02:08:47.360
there are times where we might, you know, kind of save face in that moment, but then go

1692
02:08:47.420 --> 02:08:53.860
grumble and complain about it. Right. And that's not healthy either. Yeah. So we have to really

1693
02:08:53.860 --> 02:08:59.980
watch what's going on in our heart and look at, okay, where did this come from in me?

1694
02:09:00.500 --> 02:09:04.440
Is this something, cause God didn't put grumbling and complaining in us.

1695
02:09:05.760 --> 02:09:11.780
That's sometimes I go ahead. I was going to say, sometimes I find that the closer,

1696
02:09:13.140 --> 02:09:19.760
like if a lie has, uh, you know, like the neural pathway is well written in my brain,

1697
02:09:19.860 --> 02:09:29.920
it's harder to recognize because the conscience will protect that subconscious. It's almost like,

1698
02:09:30.560 --> 02:09:35.200
I mean, I hate to say this, but almost feels like I can get with God, but it's so

1699
02:09:35.500 --> 02:09:39.680
protected that even the conversation, I mean, just most recently he showed me, he said,

1700
02:09:40.040 --> 02:09:46.460
no, that, that isn't what is true in this situation. And he really unveiled a whole

1701
02:09:46.460 --> 02:09:54.640
another level of a, I was like, Oh, wow. What you're talking about crystal is when you're

1702
02:09:54.860 --> 02:09:59.980
about how there's that kind of fortified place inside, you know, that's what.

1703
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:06.800
what is a stronghold. Okay. So when the Bible talks about strongholds, and a lot of times

1704
02:10:06.800 --> 02:10:12.500
I like to kind of think of it like this typically, and it can happen other ways too, but this

1705
02:10:12.500 --> 02:10:19.000
is just one of the things I've learned. If I'm hurt in a way, okay, here, and I don't

1706
02:10:19.000 --> 02:10:24.200
process it and I don't heal. And even I try to, but maybe there's just still a whole lot

1707
02:10:24.200 --> 02:10:29.620
to that. And then something later happens. That's very similar, feels similar, looks

1708
02:10:30.420 --> 02:10:34.640
similar inside. Even if on the outside, it's not the same situation, but it feels similar.

1709
02:10:35.100 --> 02:10:39.480
It's adding another layer. Okay. And then now I've got two layers. Well then if I don't

1710
02:10:39.480 --> 02:10:44.440
heal from those things, well then here comes number three. And then it just keeps adding

1711
02:10:44.440 --> 02:10:49.160
and adding. And that's how that can become more fortified and more strong. And so that's

1712
02:10:49.160 --> 02:10:53.980
where it's really important for us to keep short accounts, um, with our hearts, with

1713
02:10:53.980 --> 02:10:58.320
our attitudes, with our thoughts. That's why I'm saying to you all, like, you know, sometimes

1714
02:10:58.320 --> 02:11:02.380
I'm on the go, I'm going so fast. I'm going, I haven't even fully got to deal yet all the

1715
02:11:02.380 --> 02:11:06.580
way with what that, that woman rolling her eyes at me. But as I'm coaching you all tonight,

1716
02:11:06.620 --> 02:11:12.080
it's coming up in my spirit. And so that's telling me, okay, like I need to spend some

1717
02:11:12.080 --> 02:11:16.520
time with that tomorrow because this is not something that's happened one time with her.

1718
02:11:16.520 --> 02:11:21.400
This has happened with her multiple times. Now get this, you all in our church in Indiana,

1719
02:11:21.720 --> 02:11:27.620
there was a woman there as well. Y'all want to guess what she did? Rolled her eyes, rolled

1720
02:11:27.620 --> 02:11:33.100
her eyes at me multiple times. So this is a spirit that's in operation that's happening

1721
02:11:33.100 --> 02:11:39.560
and it's manifesting in these women. And then I, it causes me to feel like insecure, like

1722
02:11:39.560 --> 02:11:44.080
they don't like me. Why, why is she acting like that? I'm saying something good here.

1723
02:11:44.080 --> 02:11:50.080
Like, you know, so there's all this stuff. So it's, you know, I need to continue to hone

1724
02:11:50.080 --> 02:11:55.440
in on like, okay, what is really, I do believe it's a spirit of religion. That's trying to

1725
02:11:55.440 --> 02:11:59.200
try and doesn't like what I'm saying, because I'm trying to move, help us move forward.

1726
02:11:59.220 --> 02:12:04.760
My husband and I were trying to change the culture in the church and not everybody likes

1727
02:12:04.760 --> 02:12:12.580
that. Okay. I see deliverance ministry on the horizon. Yeah. Yeah. And so anyways, so

1728
02:12:12.580 --> 02:12:17.420
when you're feeling that, like, it feels like it's protected, it's probably because

1729
02:12:17.420 --> 02:12:22.500
there's been similar hurts and wounding that have now become a little bit in that strong,

1730
02:12:22.540 --> 02:12:28.840
kind of that strong fortified. But as you continue to heal and you just ask God to help

1731
02:12:28.840 --> 02:12:34.060
you remember, take down, do not enter signs, Lord, even like, if I don't know how to get

1732
02:12:34.060 --> 02:12:40.880
into this area, Lord, will you just help me know, you know, one thing that will start

1733
02:12:40.880 --> 02:12:46.660
to bring illumination and freedom to this whole area. Yeah. And he'll walk you through

1734
02:12:46.940 --> 02:12:50.860
it. Yeah. Walk you through it. Thank you so much, Bethany. I'm going to have to go tonight,

1735
02:12:51.000 --> 02:12:54.440
but thank you. That's okay. So good. Thank you. Yeah. We're going to, we're going to

1736
02:12:54.440 --> 02:12:59.300
do our best to close up here as soon as we can, but I want Shelly and Jody to be able

1737
02:12:59.300 --> 02:13:10.620
to go. Shelly, go ahead. Sorry about that. All right. I'm going to take my hand down.

1738
02:13:10.760 --> 02:13:15.820
I'm new at all this. You're doing great. And you know what? I didn't even really want to

1739
02:13:15.820 --> 02:13:22.440
share anything except for the first lady that came on. I forgot her name, Alexandria, or

1740
02:13:21.920 --> 02:13:28.560
whatever. Ever since I started heart works, I've heard a lot about their kid, the kids

1741
02:13:28.560 --> 02:13:33.020
talking about their parents, what they've gone through as kids. And I've been trying

1742
02:13:33.020 --> 02:13:38.320
to think, okay, what kind of trauma have I had? And I've had a good, um, childhood parents

1743
02:13:38.320 --> 02:13:43.700
were married forever, childhood, sweethearts, um, went on vacations. I got to play all kinds

1744
02:13:43.700 --> 02:13:48.540
of sports, but then I started thinking when she was speaking, cause it's happened more

1745
02:13:48.540 --> 02:13:55.820
than once. And I, I'm in that situation. I'm the parent and I've got a 16 year old daughter

1746
02:13:55.820 --> 02:14:01.780
and she's the same. I can tell she's struggling with me. And so it hurts and it breaks my

1747
02:14:01.780 --> 02:14:07.440
heart because, um, I know her feelings are real. They're valid. And I understand that

1748
02:14:07.440 --> 02:14:13.120
as a parent, I don't know what, what to do. So here I am trying to figure out my side.

1749
02:14:13.220 --> 02:14:17.900
And so just to give you a little background, like I said, I feel like my childhood was

1750
02:14:17.900 --> 02:14:26.340
great. Um, I can't pinpoint anything particular. I was married, um, met my ex-husband when

1751
02:14:26.340 --> 02:14:32.860
I was 16, he was 18. We were married for 25 years. We dated for seven. Um, we got a divorce

1752
02:14:32.860 --> 02:14:39.040
about three years ago cause he, um, had an addiction and, um, I had to leave his sister

1753
02:14:39.040 --> 02:14:44.660
as a missionary to Africa. And she's the one that said that, um, I needed to, and I just

1754
02:14:44.660 --> 02:14:48.340
felt like since he was sick, you know, according to your vows, you're not supposed to leave.

1755
02:14:48.820 --> 02:14:55.680
But anyway, um, that was really hard for me and to process. And I think, um, my kids,

1756
02:14:56.240 --> 02:14:59.980
we all kind of, um, it just, it took the road.

1757
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:06.020
up from underneath us all. And I think we're all trying to figure out what to do. Um, and

1758
02:15:06.020 --> 02:15:10.720
so now, and she was going through middle school. So if you can only imagine a teenage daughter,

1759
02:15:11.260 --> 02:15:14.020
you know, girl going through middle school and then going through all of this, you know,

1760
02:15:14.020 --> 02:15:19.080
being raised in a Christian home and nobody's getting divorced as this and that, I mean,

1761
02:15:19.120 --> 02:15:24.960
no drinking, no nothing, just everything flows. And then all of a sudden this. And so, um,

1762
02:15:25.840 --> 02:15:30.600
I got lots going on because with everybody that spoke, there's something like even you

1763
02:15:30.600 --> 02:15:38.140
with the rolling of the ice. I have that at work too. And, uh, so that's the only reason

1764
02:15:38.140 --> 02:15:42.440
why I raised my hand is because I really think that this is a good program. And I remember

1765
02:15:42.440 --> 02:15:47.400
when Jackie first was speaking, when I started this, she said that it was just for women.

1766
02:15:47.420 --> 02:15:52.000
And then the guys, she heard from some guys saying, yo, you need this for the guys as

1767
02:15:52.000 --> 02:15:57.320
they read a book or something. And so she opened it up to the guys. Well, I'm thinking

1768
02:15:57.320 --> 02:16:01.960
you need it for like teenage daughters or for families or something, because I've done

1769
02:16:02.060 --> 02:16:06.880
there. I shouldn't sit there. I've just gone to counseling with them, but I don't know

1770
02:16:06.880 --> 02:16:12.560
if they get to the heart of it, I guess. I don't know, but I'm not saying it's all her.

1771
02:16:12.560 --> 02:16:21.420
I think it's on both ends. Um, anyway, that's pretty much all that I've got to say here

1772
02:16:21.420 --> 02:16:24.660
because I'm still trying to figure all this out. And I will tell you that the one word,

1773
02:16:25.240 --> 02:16:31.120
I think that it was today or another day, it was peace that I chose. I don't know how

1774
02:16:31.120 --> 02:16:37.459
many times I've heard peace today. It's like, just like this little confirmation that, uh,

1775
02:16:37.559 --> 02:16:43.299
that's what I'm looking for. That's what I'm striving is to have that peace because, uh,

1776
02:16:43.299 --> 02:16:47.120
someone mentioned anxious. Yes, I get anxious. And I think it's because I've been with some

1777
02:16:47.120 --> 02:16:54.799
and having that thing tore from underneath me, another rug. And, um, you just, I'm, I'm

1778
02:16:54.799 --> 02:16:58.040
just in limbo. Like, God, what do you want me to do? Where am I supposed to be? And I'm

1779
02:16:58.040 --> 02:17:03.920
trying to be the best mom that I can. And here I am being torn. She's basically saying

1780
02:17:03.920 --> 02:17:08.480
I'm not a good mom and she doesn't want her kids to be around me when she has kids, not

1781
02:17:08.480 --> 02:17:14.540
that she has kids now, thank goodness. But, um, it's just hard. You know, I've processed

1782
02:17:14.540 --> 02:17:19.840
my emotions for the most part. Now I'm trying to focus on her as well as try to keep up

1783
02:17:19.840 --> 02:17:26.459
a household. So that's, that's pretty much it. Well, first way to go. You did great.

1784
02:17:26.459 --> 02:17:32.440
And I'm so thankful for what you shared. Um, I also just want to honor you for a minute

1785
02:17:32.440 --> 02:17:39.459
as a mom and I want to honor all the moms in here. Y'all the struggle is real. Okay.

1786
02:17:39.459 --> 02:17:44.100
And God loves you and he loves your daughter and your family, and he's going to help you all

1787
02:17:45.160 --> 02:17:51.379
continue to find your way. Um, I remember years ago when I was married, um,

1788
02:17:52.959 --> 02:18:01.980
I have a stepson that my now husband, uh, had, he was, his girlfriend was pregnant when I met him.

1789
02:18:02.980 --> 02:18:09.000
Never should have continued in that relationship y'all, but I did. So I have a stepson. And, um,

1790
02:18:09.000 --> 02:18:12.299
when he was little, he would scream at his mom and say, he hated her.

1791
02:18:13.740 --> 02:18:19.520
And I remember one day saying to her, cause I had heard this from someone don't don't just don't

1792
02:18:19.520 --> 02:18:25.480
show him emotion now that he was little. Cause if you show him that you feel some kind of way,

1793
02:18:25.520 --> 02:18:32.360
he's gonna, he's gonna keep doing that. And, uh, that helped her, but you know, that's tough

1794
02:18:32.360 --> 02:18:39.280
when stuff is going on and you can't always do that. Right. And so I would encourage you just

1795
02:18:39.280 --> 02:18:46.799
to ask the Lord, um, to reveal what, um, what I'm hearing the Lord say is what's the bridge Lord.

1796
02:18:47.180 --> 02:18:53.620
And what I mean by that is what's the bridge God, that, that you want to create between my daughter

1797
02:18:53.620 --> 02:18:59.700
and I, in this healing process, Lord. And that, you know, that when he shows you what that is,

1798
02:18:59.700 --> 02:19:04.420
you can just start praying into it because, you know, we pray into things a lot of times before

1799
02:19:04.420 --> 02:19:09.059
they happen. And the other thing I was going to say to you is the peace thing. I don't think it's

1800
02:19:09.059 --> 02:19:14.780
by coincidence that I talked about just, you know, when we submit to God that, you know, he declares

1801
02:19:15.100 --> 02:19:20.940
this covenant of peace with us. Um, and so here you are hearing and seeing that word over and over

1802
02:19:20.940 --> 02:19:27.959
and over again. And I think that just as you said that tonight, what I thought of, have y'all ever

1803
02:19:27.959 --> 02:19:34.020
seen, you know, where there's, I forget what it's called in the ocean, but where it swirls so much

1804
02:19:34.020 --> 02:19:37.840
that it, and I don't even know if this really happens, but it's been in little cartoons and

1805
02:19:37.840 --> 02:19:42.080
movies, but where it goes and you can see the bottom of the ocean literally, because it's just

1806
02:19:42.200 --> 02:19:48.780
a swirl of water. And I used to always think of, you know, certain things like that, but what I saw

1807
02:19:49.080 --> 02:19:56.200
for you, Shelly was that you were standing on ground and the Lord was covering you literally

1808
02:19:56.200 --> 02:19:59.940
with his peace and the storm, you know, is what was.

1809
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:03.860
swirling around you, but in him, you're covered.

1810
02:20:04.040 --> 02:20:05.620
It's like a force field.

1811
02:20:06.020 --> 02:20:08.400
And so I believe that that is God's word for you

1812
02:20:08.400 --> 02:20:11.300
in this season, that he's gonna help you figure out

1813
02:20:11.540 --> 02:20:15.000
how to navigate this new path forward

1814
02:20:15.000 --> 02:20:17.780
in ways that you can even ask, think, or imagine.

1815
02:20:18.080 --> 02:20:20.520
Like literally, I think your life is gonna be,

1816
02:20:20.780 --> 02:20:23.440
you personally, everything might not all be worked out

1817
02:20:23.440 --> 02:20:25.840
in the physical yet, but you are personally

1818
02:20:25.840 --> 02:20:28.400
gonna be a different person even six months from now.

1819
02:20:28.920 --> 02:20:31.440
And so I wanna encourage you just to continue to pray

1820
02:20:31.440 --> 02:20:34.920
and intercede for your daughter, pray for that bridge,

1821
02:20:35.000 --> 02:20:38.080
and let's see what God shows you regarding this.

1822
02:20:39.100 --> 02:20:41.820
And then the other thing I was just gonna say

1823
02:20:42.460 --> 02:20:46.700
is that regarding the rug pulled out from under you,

1824
02:20:46.700 --> 02:20:49.940
I 100% understand that, I have felt that in the past,

1825
02:20:52.180 --> 02:20:56.220
but my concern for you in partnering with that statement

1826
02:20:56.760 --> 02:20:59.360
is that a lot of times what will happen

1827
02:20:59.360 --> 02:21:01.520
is the enemy will tell you the same thing

1828
02:21:01.520 --> 02:21:04.020
is gonna happen again if you go into another marriage.

1829
02:21:04.600 --> 02:21:06.380
The rug's just gonna get pulled out from you,

1830
02:21:06.420 --> 02:21:08.400
the other shoe is gonna drop, okay?

1831
02:21:09.000 --> 02:21:11.840
And so I wanna encourage you just to be careful

1832
02:21:11.980 --> 02:21:14.580
and come out of alignment with,

1833
02:21:17.640 --> 02:21:21.160
you know, like the enemy's tactics

1834
02:21:21.160 --> 02:21:22.760
and that in the future,

1835
02:21:22.900 --> 02:21:24.220
you're gonna experience the same things.

1836
02:21:24.220 --> 02:21:27.400
Again, it doesn't mean that it's not how it felt to you,

1837
02:21:27.520 --> 02:21:30.740
but we have to be careful in how we think about things

1838
02:21:30.740 --> 02:21:32.800
and process them so that we don't partner

1839
02:21:32.800 --> 02:21:35.540
with a lie in the process, does that make sense?

1840
02:21:37.660 --> 02:21:40.220
Yes, it does, I appreciate you, thank you.

1841
02:21:40.640 --> 02:21:42.700
You're welcome, thank you so much for sharing.

1842
02:21:42.840 --> 02:21:43.980
Jodi, go ahead.

1843
02:21:45.940 --> 02:21:48.320
Thanks for staying on so I could share.

1844
02:21:48.960 --> 02:21:49.460
You're welcome.

1845
02:21:52.300 --> 02:21:55.580
I would definitely say I'm not someone

1846
02:21:55.580 --> 02:21:56.940
who struggles with submission.

1847
02:21:57.860 --> 02:22:00.100
In fact, probably to the other extreme

1848
02:22:00.100 --> 02:22:02.700
was more of a people pleaser growing up

1849
02:22:03.020 --> 02:22:05.800
and really had to like work through breaking that

1850
02:22:05.800 --> 02:22:08.760
kind of off of myself, you know,

1851
02:22:08.760 --> 02:22:10.940
growing up and just in my maturing.

1852
02:22:12.280 --> 02:22:16.460
But just as I was sitting here trying to just ask the Lord,

1853
02:22:16.600 --> 02:22:18.240
is there anything you wanted to reveal?

1854
02:22:19.460 --> 02:22:22.860
I kind of was like, okay, where am I not giving my like,

1855
02:22:22.440 --> 02:22:26.340
yes, you know, where is there any resistance in me?

1856
02:22:26.660 --> 02:22:28.620
And so I kind of just reframed it for myself

1857
02:22:28.620 --> 02:22:32.540
so that I wouldn't disqualify myself from the conversation.

1858
02:22:33.660 --> 02:22:36.580
And it happened to just highlight

1859
02:22:36.580 --> 02:22:39.100
and kind of reframed the one thing

1860
02:22:39.100 --> 02:22:42.100
that I'm really struggling with, like literally right now.

1861
02:22:43.160 --> 02:22:46.800
And it's that I have this opportunity

1862
02:22:46.800 --> 02:22:50.740
where I've been invited to become an elder at my church.

1863
02:22:51.540 --> 02:22:53.700
And that's a huge like honor.

1864
02:22:53.980 --> 02:22:56.680
And it's at a very big church, actually,

1865
02:22:56.680 --> 02:22:59.040
we have four locations.

1866
02:23:01.140 --> 02:23:04.480
And so it's, and we just transitioned

1867
02:23:04.480 --> 02:23:06.880
from the founding pastors to the new pastor.

1868
02:23:07.040 --> 02:23:09.300
So it's the new pastor who reached out to me.

1869
02:23:10.340 --> 02:23:12.260
And so it's a really neat thing.

1870
02:23:12.780 --> 02:23:18.400
And I've been wrestling with this in giving my yes.

1871
02:23:18.740 --> 02:23:23.600
And I like, I live giving my yes very radically to God.

1872
02:23:24.300 --> 02:23:27.640
I became self-employed straight out of school

1873
02:23:28.280 --> 02:23:30.580
because I knew God called me to it.

1874
02:23:30.700 --> 02:23:34.140
Like, so I'm willing to do things afraid

1875
02:23:34.140 --> 02:23:36.520
and scared and courageously and all of that.

1876
02:23:37.160 --> 02:23:40.040
So this is, it stood out to me as like,

1877
02:23:40.040 --> 02:23:41.700
why am I so hesitant?

1878
02:23:42.500 --> 02:23:44.760
And I realized that a big part of why I'm hesitant

1879
02:23:45.440 --> 02:23:49.580
is he kept saying to me, you're an elder for life.

1880
02:23:49.600 --> 02:23:51.000
And then they want, you know,

1881
02:23:51.000 --> 02:23:54.200
like this initial three-year commitment and all of this.

1882
02:23:54.860 --> 02:23:57.860
And here I am trying to stir up this faith in me

1883
02:23:57.860 --> 02:24:00.520
that I can be willing to like believe

1884
02:24:00.520 --> 02:24:01.800
that I could get married.

1885
02:24:01.800 --> 02:24:04.940
And who knows what God could do with that.

1886
02:24:05.380 --> 02:24:09.360
And so this yes, it brought up this fear

1887
02:24:09.360 --> 02:24:13.680
that if I give my yes, I could be saying, wow,

1888
02:24:13.760 --> 02:24:16.400
I could be saying no to getting married

1889
02:24:16.780 --> 02:24:19.680
because I'm not gonna tell yes to them

1890
02:24:19.980 --> 02:24:25.540
and be an elder for life or even just give the three years

1891
02:24:25.580 --> 02:24:27.320
and also try to believe

1892
02:24:27.320 --> 02:24:29.140
that this could be my last year single.

1893
02:24:29.580 --> 02:24:33.080
And so that was a weird thing

1894
02:24:33.080 --> 02:24:35.700
because it's like, I would be submitting to the church

1895
02:24:35.700 --> 02:24:37.680
like in a different level.

1896
02:24:38.260 --> 02:24:43.640
And then I found out today that like legally in my state,

1897
02:24:43.940 --> 02:24:46.160
I'm now, I would be even like legally responsible

1898
02:24:46.160 --> 02:24:49.060
for the decisions made at our church, not the pastor.

1899
02:24:49.300 --> 02:24:51.300
And so it's like a whole nother level

1900
02:24:51.300 --> 02:24:53.060
of like submitting to the role.

1901
02:24:53.620 --> 02:24:54.760
And again, like I said,

1902
02:24:54.800 --> 02:24:56.560
we have thousands of people at my church

1903
02:24:56.680 --> 02:24:59.660
and it's a small board of people that I would be.

1904
02:25:00.000 --> 02:25:07.460
like on the active board so it's a kind of like a whole different way of thinking and i'm really

1905
02:25:07.460 --> 02:25:13.580
trying to figure out i couldn't figure out why i was struggling with this yes because i've never

1906
02:25:14.540 --> 02:25:21.480
really resisted giving god a yes especially something that you you shouldn't say yes to

1907
02:25:21.480 --> 02:25:27.260
something like you shouldn't resist this like that's an honor you know well okay i i want to

1908
02:25:27.260 --> 02:25:34.600
i want to have you pause there for a second i'm not saying you shouldn't do it but i am

1909
02:25:34.840 --> 02:25:41.020
going to also encourage you to we shouldn't always say yes to everything that's asked of

1910
02:25:41.020 --> 02:25:46.520
us in the church even when it's an honorable role if god isn't calling you to that in this

1911
02:25:46.520 --> 02:25:52.880
season of your life then that isn't god's best yes for you and that might be why you haven't

1912
02:25:52.880 --> 02:26:00.500
felt led to say yes right now because the reality is ladies if we are giving which

1913
02:26:00.500 --> 02:26:06.760
supernatural saturday was about capacity if we're giving our capacity to something else it doesn't

1914
02:26:06.760 --> 02:26:12.300
mean we're going to miss out on our spirit mate if god is calling you to that awesome go for it

1915
02:26:12.300 --> 02:26:17.560
because god's going to bless that tremendously but i don't think this is just fearing you i think this

1916
02:26:17.560 --> 02:26:21.720
is actually some discernment because you're looking at all the layers of what it really

1917
02:26:21.720 --> 02:26:28.000
involves for you to commit to this that's a good thing you're being a good steward of your heart of

1918
02:26:28.000 --> 02:26:33.640
your word of your commitment and that is amazing um and so i would encourage you to keep praying

1919
02:26:34.040 --> 02:26:39.080
don't feel pressured is this like something you have to tell him yes in a certain timeline i'm

1920
02:26:39.620 --> 02:26:43.600
assuming yeah like he kind of was like if you can tell me in the next couple weeks if i don't hear

1921
02:26:43.600 --> 02:26:47.920
from you i'll certainly reach out because i'll want an answer so you have a couple weeks at

1922
02:26:47.920 --> 02:26:52.060
that's good i was hoping i was just wanting to make sure it wasn't something like you got to

1923
02:26:52.060 --> 02:26:57.220
tell him in a few days so let's just take a couple weeks i would encourage you to be in proverbs

1924
02:26:57.740 --> 02:27:04.960
reading wisdom you know read the book of james but i want to also like kind of where i started

1925
02:27:05.120 --> 02:27:13.040
is caution you on allowing the enemy to guilt you into doing it because this isn't something you

1926
02:27:13.240 --> 02:27:21.980
ever say no to well there are times that even paul quit doing what he was doing to give the

1927
02:27:21.980 --> 02:27:28.460
mantle to someone else you know and there were times that he didn't get involved in certain

1928
02:27:28.660 --> 02:27:34.320
things you know and even jesus you know when the religious religious leaders were saying certain

1929
02:27:34.320 --> 02:27:40.220
things to him he didn't just always go do what they were saying so just think about that a little

1930
02:27:40.220 --> 02:27:45.240
bit because i want to make sure that there's not a spirit of religion trying to guilt you into

1931
02:27:45.240 --> 02:27:52.320
doing something i want you to go in because you feel at peace about it you feel um again now we

1932
02:27:52.320 --> 02:27:59.020
might not always feel like um like have all the things like we're scared of worked out but we

1933
02:27:59.020 --> 02:28:05.000
should feel excited about something one of the things that i have this has happened to me and

1934
02:28:05.000 --> 02:28:11.240
it's okay if this doesn't happen for you but when i am called into something and it really is the

1935
02:28:11.240 --> 02:28:21.000
lord my heart will burn like how jesus met the man on the road to emmaus and their hearts burned with

1936
02:28:21.000 --> 02:28:27.040
did not our hearts burn within us that's what they said when they realized who had been with them

1937
02:28:27.500 --> 02:28:34.140
okay and so there's a level of calling and anointing on things and a grace and a favor

1938
02:28:34.140 --> 02:28:38.840
and if we step into those things before that grace and the favor and the calling are there

1939
02:28:38.960 --> 02:28:45.820
just because someone's asked us then we can get into tricky waters okay and here's the thing

1940
02:28:47.660 --> 02:28:55.000
um i don't want you to feel like you have to be an elder for life like as in you're just committed

1941
02:28:55.000 --> 02:29:00.280
to that church forever so that's something that you need to ask them more about is that just

1942
02:29:00.280 --> 02:29:06.280
because he's saying like in in our church in our denomination once someone's a pastor they're

1943
02:29:06.280 --> 02:29:13.060
always honored as a pastor so he could be saying it in that way okay so let's discover more of what

1944
02:29:13.060 --> 02:29:18.500
that actually means okay does it mean that once you're an elder and you serve you're just always

1945
02:29:18.500 --> 02:29:23.420
going to be honored as an elder in the church which is probably the case but let's find out

1946
02:29:23.420 --> 02:29:31.840
and make sure that we understand what that means okay yeah because i think that i if i didn't have

1947
02:29:31.900 --> 02:29:39.680
if i wasn't in this process allowing myself to have the faith to that you know i could get married

1948
02:29:40.100 --> 02:29:45.560
yeah i don't think i would have as much hesitancy i think i would be like because i've been here at

1949
02:29:45.560 --> 02:29:54.560
church for over 20 years yeah so i wouldn't be but i know that if i do that and i'm locking in

1950
02:29:54.560 --> 02:29:59.100
and committing even committing just the three years that they asked me to be on the board initially

1951
02:30:00.000 --> 02:30:03.420
That's like, now I have to say I'm unwilling to move,

1952
02:30:03.840 --> 02:30:04.960
you know, because I'm committed.

1953
02:30:05.760 --> 02:30:08.040
And that's the part that makes me scared of like,

1954
02:30:08.080 --> 02:30:13.960
am I saying no to this if I say yes to the elder thing?

1955
02:30:14.540 --> 02:30:15.680
Well, and here's something

1956
02:30:15.680 --> 02:30:17.600
that you should consider, Jodi, okay?

1957
02:30:18.080 --> 02:30:20.340
Every couple of years, churches,

1958
02:30:20.480 --> 02:30:21.940
or depending on when, you know,

1959
02:30:22.000 --> 02:30:24.780
they have rotation of elders on and off, okay?

1960
02:30:25.040 --> 02:30:25.520
Yeah.

1961
02:30:26.880 --> 02:30:29.400
Your no doesn't have to be a not ever.

1962
02:30:29.400 --> 02:30:31.840
It could just be not right now.

1963
02:30:31.940 --> 02:30:32.540
Yeah.

1964
02:30:32.940 --> 02:30:35.460
And if that leader holds that over you,

1965
02:30:35.640 --> 02:30:37.860
never ask you again because of that,

1966
02:30:37.960 --> 02:30:41.340
because you don't feel like the timing is right,

1967
02:30:41.400 --> 02:30:44.120
then that's not healthy, okay?

1968
02:30:44.120 --> 02:30:45.960
Because just because we, again,

1969
02:30:46.060 --> 02:30:49.080
just because a leader asks someone to do something

1970
02:30:49.080 --> 02:30:51.400
doesn't mean that person has to feel

1971
02:30:51.400 --> 02:30:53.520
that it's the right season for them.

1972
02:30:54.380 --> 02:30:55.980
That's true leadership,

1973
02:30:55.980 --> 02:30:58.540
where then that leader gives that person grace

1974
02:30:58.540 --> 02:31:02.240
and blesses them and, you know,

1975
02:31:02.700 --> 02:31:04.780
you know, goes on their way, if you will,

1976
02:31:04.840 --> 02:31:05.700
and loves that person.

1977
02:31:05.860 --> 02:31:07.200
But you know what I'm saying,

1978
02:31:07.240 --> 02:31:09.160
where there's not this control and stuff happening.

1979
02:31:09.420 --> 02:31:09.620
Yeah.

1980
02:31:09.980 --> 02:31:10.940
Yeah, yeah.

1981
02:31:10.940 --> 02:31:12.540
So we'll be praying for you,

1982
02:31:12.600 --> 02:31:14.320
looking forward to hearing what you, you know,

1983
02:31:14.320 --> 02:31:16.020
as God is leading you, what you,

1984
02:31:16.460 --> 02:31:20.300
what he shows you and seeing how that goes for you.

1985
02:31:20.620 --> 02:31:22.440
Ladies, I'm gonna close this out.

1986
02:31:22.540 --> 02:31:23.860
I'm gonna pray real quick.

1987
02:31:24.080 --> 02:31:26.580
Father, thank you so much for this amazing night.

1988
02:31:26.580 --> 02:31:29.000
Thank you for every story that's been shared.

1989
02:31:29.740 --> 02:31:31.720
Thank you for the breakthroughs, the revelation,

1990
02:31:32.200 --> 02:31:33.820
the healing that's taking place.

1991
02:31:34.260 --> 02:31:36.220
God, we thank you for your hedge of protection around us

1992
02:31:36.220 --> 02:31:36.940
and our families.

1993
02:31:37.240 --> 02:31:39.740
We, God, we ask you to give us back, you know,

1994
02:31:39.740 --> 02:31:43.660
even days where we are doing things for you, God,

1995
02:31:43.680 --> 02:31:46.420
that you'll just continue to meet us there and bless us

1996
02:31:46.580 --> 02:31:49.140
and pour back into us, God, in the heartwork

1997
02:31:49.140 --> 02:31:50.560
that you would help all of these ladies

1998
02:31:50.560 --> 02:31:52.100
to hear what your spirit is saying

1999
02:31:52.100 --> 02:31:53.820
louder than any voice of the enemy.

2000
02:31:53.820 --> 02:31:57.720
God, we thank you that you would, yes, Lord,

2001
02:31:58.140 --> 02:32:00.080
help them to continue to see themselves

2002
02:32:00.080 --> 02:32:01.480
the way that you see them,

2003
02:32:01.580 --> 02:32:04.260
that their identity would be in you, God,

2004
02:32:04.540 --> 02:32:07.800
and they would love themselves really well this week.

2005
02:32:07.900 --> 02:32:10.800
In Jesus' name, amen, amen, amen.

2006
02:32:10.960 --> 02:32:12.180
Good night, everyone.

2007
02:32:12.340 --> 02:32:13.520
Have an amazing night.

2008
02:32:13.860 --> 02:32:14.340
Bye-bye.

2009
02:32:15.140 --> 02:32:15.620
Bye.