WEBVTT

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All right, welcome, welcome. I hope everybody had a great Labor Day weekend. Today is September

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2nd. It is the last year single, it's the one o'clock Eastern call. So it's good, good

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to have you all here. Reminder that we do have the 8pm Eastern call as well, in hopes

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that it kind of helps with everybody's schedules, all the different time zones that we have

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ladies in. Ladies, did you know that we have so many international ladies here too? Oh,

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my, my screen froze. I don't think you're frozen. You're good. Oh, now you're frozen.

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That was crazy weird. My Zoom every time I click record y'all, it like freezes and I'm

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like, oh, it freezes for a quick second and then it jumps back in. No, this time it booted

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me out. Like, what is happening? All right, let's rewind. Let's start this again. I got

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some more people on so that's good. I got Lori here with us today. Damaris, Leah. Hi,

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Leah. How are you? Good to see you on camera. And my ladies that were here prior as well

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before I got kicked off of Zoom. What's going on? All right, but no, what I was saying,

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are you ladies aware that we have women in this community that are international? We have so many

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women from other different countries, which is awesome. So we do try to accommodate those time

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zones and things of that nature. So anyway, what I was getting to before I got disconnected is

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if you're never a, like, if there's a time that you're not able to jump on a live,

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we do record these. It's in the replay section. So those of you ladies that are brand new,

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you might not know this. We have the course content, which is what you're going to be

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watching one video a week. Okay. There's five videos. So minimum, you're going to be here for

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four to five weeks. Okay. And then, but what I say that because a lot of women stick around a

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Russian through this, this it's, you're going to do yourself a disservice if you rush through.

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Okay. We just don't want you camping out here for months and months and months and months,

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months, months, months. Okay. So we definitely want you getting some breakthrough. We encourage

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you to do that dating, the seven date challenge. You do not have to stress about that. You don't

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have to complete the seven dates before you move on to the next phase. Okay. If you were like me,

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I took a really long time when I got out of heartwork to feel like I was ready to date.

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Okay. So there's still stuff that you can do here. We, we do heartwork all the time. Okay. So

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for those ladies that might be watching and replaying or brand new to love story accelerator,

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I just want this to be like, uh, you can exhale and know that dating doesn't have to,

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you don't have to just dive into the deep end with, you know, and submerge yourself. Okay.

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If you need to just dip, dip a toe in, into the shallow end, you can do that. Um,

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we're still going to do, you know, unpack heartwork here. Okay. Cause believe it or not

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dating will surface new layers of heartwork. Okay. So, um, all that to say, um, don't rush,

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watch your videos. We've got the replays. If you can't make it to one of these live sessions,

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I do encourage you to make it to the live sessions. If you can, we have both of them

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on replay. So if you can make one that can't make the other, watch the other and replay.

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If you somehow one week you're like, okay, I'm swamped and you can't get to any of them live,

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watch both of them replay. Cause we take y'all's questions and everyone has different questions.

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All right. So you might learn new information. You might be able to relate to one of your sisters

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here. I really want you ladies to be encouraged to be vulnerable and don't be afraid to ask

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questions. Okay. Cause so much breakthrough can happen for other people in the program

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through your questions. Okay. So, um, just keep that in mind. Um, a couple of housekeeping things,

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ladies, when you're making posts in the app, if you can do us a giant favor,

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because we have a small team.

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Okay, and we can't always vet everything out on those posts. So if you could do us a huge

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solid and not post any links, videos of like where you're connecting authors, speakers, pastors,

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you know, books, things like of that nature. We just don't have the capacity to vet all of those

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out. And we really take it. We take it to heart that we want to make sure that everything that

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we have in our last year single program is in alignment with what Jackie teaches. And so

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a lot of people, you know, there's great podcasts, great, you know, you know, maybe your your pastor

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gave an awesome sermon one weekend, and it would be great. And it's it's wonderful. And it does

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sound like it aligns. But if we can't go check their full library of things, and so we don't

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want to mislead anybody or get anybody off track, we really just want to focus on what Holy Spirit

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speaks through Jackie and us coaches here. And we've, you know, we just, we know that there's a

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lot of good content out there. Okay, but we just can't vet at all. So it's just a way that we kind

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of keep our community from any stuff coming in that we can't, you know, manage properly. Does

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that make sense? All right. And then lastly, make sure you're checking out that resource page.

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I do occasionally see a few questions on the app, which I love, love, love y'all post in the app,

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come to the app and post, post, post, post, post. Okay. But I do see some that are like, Hey,

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I think I'm ready to move to phase three. How do I do that? And every week, I tell ladies,

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go to the resource tab, because the instructions on how to get to the next phase is in the resource

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tab. What I find interesting, and I'll lovingly call some ladies out, okay, I'm not going to call

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you out by name. But if you're watching this replay, then you know who you are. Okay, let's

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hope you're watching the replay. I will see questions being posted. How do I get to the

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next phase? And I'm like, I have no idea who this person is. I haven't seen them on a live,

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I haven't seen them make a post. And I'm like, if they don't know how to get to phase three,

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they definitely probably haven't watched a replay. Because I do try to mention it every week,

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because there's so much good information in that resource page is not just how to get to phase

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three. But there's like an attachment style quiz, any of our last year single trips will get posted

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there, which I do think we are fully booked. I know we're fully booked for the Austin trip.

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I think the Disney trip is fully booked. I think I don't know if they're still taking people to do

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the last year single cruise in January. I haven't checked on that one. But yeah, there's all of that

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in there. If any of you ladies want to do the five year anniversary party that's coming up in October

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in Austin, Texas, we are sold out for the not conference the retreat. But if you still just

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want to come for the like a night or two and just get your own hotel, maybe find some other ladies

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that also want to come and share a room that the tickets for the anniversary party are on Jackie's

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website. Okay. And so I believe that is October 26. Let me look at my calendar real quick.

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I don't want to Yeah, October 26. It's a Sunday. Okay. And so that's an Austin. So if you want

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tickets for that, definitely come. I think it's gonna be a great time. I'm excited. Myself,

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my husband are going to be there. I know Bethany and her husband are going to be there. Obviously,

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Jackie and David, I think Ebony is going to be there. Probably another handful of coaches

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and success stories and singles and all sorts of stuff. So it'll be a good time. I'm really excited.

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So yeah, check out that resource page. Lots of good information. Also, what we have on there

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just recently, we launched on our website, one on one coaching opportunities. So we like to give you

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ladies here in this phase, the opportunity to do a group coaching. So we take your questions,

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and we spend like, you know, maybe 510 minutes on your question. But if you really want to get into

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a deeper coaching session, we do offer those. They are an extra charge, and they're 50 minutes

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long. So we have a lot of wonderful coaches, myself, Ebony, your two last year single coaches

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for phase two love story accelerator. We're there. There's several others. We do heartwork, dating,

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all sorts of stuff. Okay. So if you just feel like you need more one on one and dive a little deeper,

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get more things uncovered, then we do have those options. It's 50 50. Yes. Because usually I'm

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If you're not, if you're new here,

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you don't know this, but if you aren't new here,

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you know I talk a lot.

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So when y'all, y'all ask your questions,

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I'm typically responding a good five,

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10 minutes if I feel like there's good,

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good stuff that we can pull and like teach from there.

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So but yes, all of that is on the resource page.

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Cool. All right.

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I see Patty on here.

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She, Patty, if you're able to unmute,

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I love what you posted about your activation.

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Can you, do you want to tell us any more about that?

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Like what did that do for you?

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Ah, thank you, Carla.

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Well, what did it do for me?

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It just made me, you know, think that a lot,

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I know that I've had a lot of self-protection,

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which we know Jackie talks about being God defended,

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but you know, it was for a long time,

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it was easier for me to just tell myself,

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well, you know what?

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That's probably not gonna happen.

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Gift of singleness and all of that associated with that.

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And so it was like, maybe, maybe, you know,

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try and open the little treasure chest of hope.

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Yes.

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That's what I love seeing.

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Like, you know, some of us get, you know,

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ourselves in this, like, I mean, I mean,

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I'm gonna speak for my own wisdom here.

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Okay. And my own experience, you know,

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I was in my late thirties, I had never been married.

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Like I was at that point, Patty,

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probably where you were at, we're like, yeah,

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maybe this is just not gonna happen.

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Maybe I'm just gonna be single forever.

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And then you tell yourself that.

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And so then you just kind of prepare your mind,

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like that's just the way it's gonna be.

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And so, but then it's like, this program comes

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and God starts speaking to our heart

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and we have to unlearn all of those lies that we put up.

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Like, because we were trying to protect ourselves.

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We didn't want to, we wanted to protect ourselves

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from disappointment, from, you know, being disregarded,

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being, you know, all of those things.

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Okay. And so that's why I love this activation.

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When I joined the program five years ago as a single,

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this was something Jackie had us do.

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She was like, do the Pinterest boards.

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And so I started looking at wedding dresses

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and themes for my wedding.

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And, you know, I started looking at engagement rings.

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I did all these things and it did,

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it started being like, this is fun.

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Where I shut it down before,

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now I was starting to like reactivate that.

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Okay. So I love that you, you know,

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you took that activation and you went with it.

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And I think there was somebody else went shopping,

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like went browsing and they had this,

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they posted a picture of a hats and marriage material.

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I was like, that's so awesome.

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And then I was like looking in the background

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and I'm, ladies, I'm an earrings girl.

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I was looking at all the earrings.

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I was like, oh my goodness, those are cute.

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Those are cute.

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But it will, it will activate just a new hope in you.

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That's why it really felt strongly

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for you ladies to do that.

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So if you haven't yet,

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I want to encourage you ladies to do that.

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You know, you can do something as little

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or something as big as you want.

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Okay.

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When I went to the Austin retreat in 2021,

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it was our first Austin last year, single retreat.

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We went bridal dress shopping.

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There was 25 of us and we went and tried on wedding dresses.

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I mean, it was a cool experience.

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Okay.

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And I didn't anticipate it,

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but it just did some miraculous healing in my heart.

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And I felt prompted by Holy Spirit

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to purchase my wedding dress.

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Ladies, I wasn't even dating at that time.

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Like I haven't even met anybody.

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Like I was still like new,

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like I had just started the program, like less than a year.

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I hadn't even been on a date yet, y'all.

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I bought my wedding dress and, you know,

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and I didn't get to wear that wedding dress

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for a little longer.

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Okay.

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So, but I did get to wear it and, you know,

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it was really, really exciting to be able to put that on

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and be like, and tell my husband, like,

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I've had this dress since before I met you

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because I knew you were coming.

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So again, you don't have to get that extreme.

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You can go try on wedding dresses and go to a bridal show,

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go pick out some fun earrings.

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I mean, a lot of ladies will go in and look for shoes.

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I mean, who doesn't like to go shoe shopping?

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You know, maybe go on Pinterest, look and see what type of flowers, what do you want

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your bouquet to look like?

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One thing that I even didn't realize that I would need to do is picking music out for

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like my wedding ceremony.

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And so that was fun.

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And so I prompted ladies to go, you know, what, what song do you want to walk down the

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aisle to, you know, what do you want the groomsmen walking out to your bridesmaid walking down

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to your family?

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Cause you know how you have your family and stuff.

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What do you want that look like?

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Do you want a big wedding?

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Do you want a small intimate wedding?

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Do you want to elope?

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Do you want to go destination like dream, dream and, and, and get excited because sometimes

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it's stepping into this activation of, I can start seeing myself as a bride.

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What you believe you become, what you become, you attract.

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We've all wrote Jackie.

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All right.

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And, and, and phase one in heartwork that's in her book, what you believe you become,

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what you become, you attract.

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And so if you believe you're a bride, you're going to become a bride and you're going to

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start attracting marriage minded men.

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All right.

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And it's all a process.

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Okay.

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Um, there's, there's a process with every promise.

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Okay.

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So y'all, I want to encourage you.

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Don't, don't get discouraged.

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I want to encourage you not to get discouraged.

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And I know how difficult that can be, but if you get discouraged, don't be afraid to

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come and let us know.

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We will pray with you.

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We'll walk you through it.

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We'll uncover any heartwork areas that need to be uncovered with it.

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You know, ladies, I did a lot of this in the program, got hopeful and then got discouraged,

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got hopeful, got discouraged.

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Okay.

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You know, I'd see other women that would join the program.

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I was in it for almost two years before I met my husband.

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You know, I was in it for over a year before I really started dating and I'd see women

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come in the program and a few months later they were dating a marriage minded man and

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talking about a wedding.

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And I'm like, wait, I've been in here a really long time.

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Why isn't it happening for me?

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Because ladies like that's, I'm just being candid.

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I'm being honest.

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Like that's how I felt.

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And I would share that so that I would partner with other women and we would snap out of

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it.

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All right.

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We would dig a little deeper.

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What is this revealing?

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What does God want to show us?

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Okay.

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I encourage you to do it because God has every single one of you on a journey and everybody's

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timeline is going to look different.

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And when I met my husband, it made sense why I needed to wait because I would have passed

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him up y'all.

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I wasn't ready to receive my husband because I had some hard work I needed to do.

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I had to believe that there were good men out there and that took me a while.

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All right.

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Some of you ladies that have been here for a hot minute, no, I've prompted some of you

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ladies before and be like, Hey, go find the golden men, go, go, go look for it.

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You know, I got burned by a lot of guys, okay.

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And I had to own my side of the street, but I also had to kind of recognize why I was

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attracting that and why I was attracted to that.

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And you know, I had, I had a lot of healing to do and I would never have thought there

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was a good man out there, but I had to go through a process of not from dating some

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of the guys that were not my spirit mate, but that were really good guys.

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And then I had to date some guys that were not good guys to show myself.

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I'm not attracted to that anymore.

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Like that was profound.

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So ladies, if you go on dates and you're like, this guy was a jerk.

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This guy was completely inappropriate.

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Celebrate it because if you were like me, I would typically try to make those guys be

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something that they weren't.

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And then I just went down a really just heart road of heartbreak.

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Right.

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And so when I started recognizing, like I would go on a few dates with some not so great

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guys, I would, I was like, it's a yes until it's a no.

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And I knew this is a no, it's a no.

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This guy is not divine masculine.

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He's not mature.

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But I also had to learn how to give grace too.

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And so I had to balance this, giving people, giving guys grace, but then also recognizing

284
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when someone's not my spirit mate.

285
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Okay.

286
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I had to really work on that.

287
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Grace was another part of it.

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I had to learn how to give guys grace on these dates because they were in the same dating

289
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era that I was, right? We're all dating, not sure really what we're doing,

290
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you know, had, you know, bad teaching, all sorts of stuff, what we thought it was supposed to look

291
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like, what it looks like now, thought I was going to be married way earlier than I didn't think I

292
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would be in my thirties, almost forties dating, never married. I never thought I'd be in that

293
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situation. And so I had to learn how to give grace to guys too. And now I can say being on

294
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the other side and not single anymore, I'm being married, which by the way, my two-year anniversary

295
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is tomorrow. Okay. So I just know ladies it's coming for you. Okay. Just think two years from

296
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now, you could be celebrating an anniversary too. So, but I had to learn, I say it from now being

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on the other side, I've been in situations in these last two years where I needed my husband

298
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to extend me grace. And I've had to extend grace to my husband. And I don't know if I would have

299
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been ready for that. Had I not really gone through some of the dating stuff here in last year single

300
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and got the coaching and got the teachings and listen to Jackie and listen to other people's

301
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wisdom, I probably wouldn't have been ready for that. So again, I don't, I'm going to get off my

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soapbox here and open the floor for you ladies to, to ask all your, all your good questions,

303
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but just know this, this is a process and it's a journey and you you're in the right place.

304
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Okay. We don't have to compare. All right. And I know that will be hard sometimes,

305
00:21:51.900 --> 00:21:55.900
especially when you, you ladies jump into phase three and then you see all the

306
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engagement posts and you're like, she didn't, she just joined not too long ago. Why is she

307
00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:07.040
getting engaged? I say it because ladies like I get it. I was there. I did. I mean,

308
00:22:07.160 --> 00:22:12.000
it didn't mean that I didn't want to celebrate those women. Okay. But I'm just being real.

309
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Like there are times where it hurts. Okay. And you don't have to be ashamed or guilty of it,

310
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but we do want you to open up and be vulnerable and share it with us. Okay. That's where the

311
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breakthrough comes. Okay. Yes. Glory. Wisdom is the new sexy. Absolutely. It is. Wisdom is sexy.

312
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Y'all healing is sexy. So you ladies just keep working on your healing. It's going to be more

313
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and more sexier to, to your spirit mate. Okay. All right. Let's go ahead and take questions.

314
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I got my girl, Stephanie. Hey girl. I know. Are you Stephanie? Your last name is Howell, right?

315
00:22:55.900 --> 00:23:02.020
Me. Yes. No, sorry. It's Alba. Okay. Yeah. I don't know. Okay.

316
00:23:03.260 --> 00:23:08.340
Yeah. I had it on the zoom and then I was going to have a zoom call with some guy and I wasn't

317
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ready for him to know my last name yet. And so I, I took it off and it's just a whole thing. So

318
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yes. I'm glad that you brought that up. Ladies, when you're doing zoom calls,

319
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if you don't want men to know you're okay, there is the other Stephanie. Okay. I see you now, girl.

320
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I see y'all posting. Um, but yeah, that's actually good before you get on a zoom call.

321
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If you're doing a video call with a guy, be mindful about putting your last name. Okay.

322
00:23:34.920 --> 00:23:38.580
I have my last name on here. Cause I don't, I mean, I'm married. I'm not dating guys.

323
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I see that handful of you ladies have your last name totally fine, but just go in early before

324
00:23:45.580 --> 00:23:51.440
your call and change it. So if you don't want them, I mean, especially if it's a first zoom call,

325
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okay. It's just stuff. Okay. Um, same thing that we also encourage is not giving out your phone

326
00:23:59.700 --> 00:24:05.400
number right away. Google has Google voice. You can get a Google number. Okay. It rings to your

327
00:24:05.140 --> 00:24:11.340
phone. You, you can't miss it. Okay. But you're not giving your actual phone number that can come

328
00:24:11.340 --> 00:24:18.460
once you feel like you've gotten to know somebody a little more. Okay. Um, but I'm glad you brought

329
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that up, Stephanie. So what's your question girl. Okay. Um, maybe not so much a question. I'm just

330
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needing, um, some advice and some encouragement and maybe something that you hear from something

331
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that I say that you can speak to. Uh, first, can you hear the background noise? Cause it's

332
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a little noisy. No, I can't. Okay. Perfect. Um, I've been back on the dating apps a couple of weeks.

333
00:24:40.980 --> 00:24:49.820
Yes. Um, and this weekend I just was having a lot of anxiety and just a lot of insecurity. And so

334
00:24:49.820 --> 00:24:53.920
I sat, you know, and, and kind of thought about, okay, well, what are the triggers here?

335
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I realized that, um, at the beginning, it was very much that I found that

336
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.260
I wasn't, I felt that I wasn't trusting

337
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and that I kind of realized

338
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that I had some sort of fear of men.

339
00:25:06.560 --> 00:25:08.920
And I think you might've spoken to this already

340
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and just how God is gonna show up

341
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and redeem men in my eyes.

342
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So I'm trusting in that, I'm walking in that,

343
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I'm waiting in that.

344
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And then it was more feeling that I was

345
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feeling a lot more confident,

346
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maybe with guys who I was just discovering

347
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in the sense of like, I wasn't really into them,

348
00:25:32.020 --> 00:25:34.760
I didn't really think they were my type

349
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or super attractive,

350
00:25:35.660 --> 00:25:37.740
I was just kind of wait and see how it goes.

351
00:25:38.040 --> 00:25:38.880
I'm just gonna give it a shot

352
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and have a whole bunch of grace

353
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for the men who seem not to be able to carry on

354
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an intelligent conversation.

355
00:25:48.060 --> 00:25:50.200
So where I think I hit a wall

356
00:25:50.200 --> 00:25:54.360
is when I found somebody that I could imagine, right?

357
00:25:54.380 --> 00:25:55.800
You're like, oh, this is exciting,

358
00:25:55.840 --> 00:25:57.660
I like this guy, I'm interested, right?

359
00:25:57.660 --> 00:26:02.960
And so I took the advice of letting myself,

360
00:26:03.140 --> 00:26:04.820
seeing myself as a bride

361
00:26:05.140 --> 00:26:09.300
and something that I was fearful of doing

362
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because I know that I have a pattern of behavior

363
00:26:13.660 --> 00:26:16.380
that kind of just runs away.

364
00:26:16.500 --> 00:26:19.600
I'm very imaginative, I'm very creative and curious

365
00:26:19.600 --> 00:26:21.000
and just runs away.

366
00:26:21.120 --> 00:26:23.480
And so I got excited.

367
00:26:25.100 --> 00:26:26.980
I got excited because the conversation

368
00:26:26.980 --> 00:26:29.060
was good, the pacing was going well.

369
00:26:32.140 --> 00:26:38.060
I'm struggling with the exchanging social media aspect of it.

370
00:26:38.060 --> 00:26:41.480
A lot of guys my age wanna go straight to social media.

371
00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:45.840
And I've tried both ways.

372
00:26:45.920 --> 00:26:48.140
I've tried being like, hey, I would really love it

373
00:26:48.140 --> 00:26:50.960
if we could just talk a little more on here,

374
00:26:51.420 --> 00:26:53.020
get to know each other a little bit better.

375
00:26:53.620 --> 00:26:58.080
And more often than not, it's like, girl, bye,

376
00:26:58.280 --> 00:26:59.140
like you hiding something.

377
00:26:59.380 --> 00:27:03.160
And I've tried to be like, I'm up for a video chat

378
00:27:03.160 --> 00:27:05.080
if you wanna do it, like I'm a real person,

379
00:27:05.160 --> 00:27:06.900
I'm not catfishing you, I'm not a bot,

380
00:27:07.040 --> 00:27:10.460
like I'm trying to be mindful of that.

381
00:27:11.320 --> 00:27:14.380
And then I tried the other way and was like, okay,

382
00:27:14.380 --> 00:27:17.240
well, here I am, I'll accept, we can DM

383
00:27:17.240 --> 00:27:19.560
cause you can do audio on there

384
00:27:19.560 --> 00:27:21.380
and it's a little bit more interactive.

385
00:27:22.140 --> 00:27:24.020
And I said, but I would really appreciate

386
00:27:24.020 --> 00:27:26.900
if we could still converse

387
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and actually get to know each other.

388
00:27:29.980 --> 00:27:34.380
And I even mentioned, I feel like you can maybe tell a lot

389
00:27:34.380 --> 00:27:36.940
from a person by what they are publicly showing

390
00:27:36.940 --> 00:27:40.000
on their social medias, but I like to discover

391
00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:44.200
and be discovered through questions and conversations.

392
00:27:45.380 --> 00:27:47.880
So the guy that was interesting,

393
00:27:48.580 --> 00:27:51.480
you know, I went all into the profile

394
00:27:52.240 --> 00:27:54.580
because his line was actually, I know you.

395
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And then I was like, scrambling,

396
00:27:56.660 --> 00:27:58.260
I'm like, why do I know this guy?

397
00:27:58.260 --> 00:27:59.140
He said that he knew you.

398
00:27:59.460 --> 00:28:02.180
Yeah, I'm like, I don't remember this guy, I don't.

399
00:28:03.340 --> 00:28:06.440
Yeah, so hopefully it wasn't, it was a line,

400
00:28:06.560 --> 00:28:10.440
it was a line, but he caught me because I thought,

401
00:28:11.240 --> 00:28:13.260
well, we do have some things in common.

402
00:28:13.380 --> 00:28:16.380
One of those things being jujitsu, I used to train jujitsu.

403
00:28:17.340 --> 00:28:19.180
And he spoke to me in Portuguese

404
00:28:19.180 --> 00:28:21.320
and I used to have a lot of Brazilian friends

405
00:28:21.320 --> 00:28:21.900
through jujitsu.

406
00:28:22.140 --> 00:28:24.000
So I thought maybe that was the connect.

407
00:28:24.900 --> 00:28:26.800
And I didn't wanna make him feel bad by being like,

408
00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:28.140
I don't remember you though.

409
00:28:30.320 --> 00:28:30.800
So.

410
00:28:31.380 --> 00:28:33.580
He didn't make an impression on you if you did, right?

411
00:28:33.600 --> 00:28:34.200
Yeah, no.

412
00:28:34.640 --> 00:28:37.700
Yeah, no, what's so funny is that, okay.

413
00:28:38.500 --> 00:28:41.440
Yeah, so it's just, there's lots of stuff

414
00:28:41.440 --> 00:28:43.500
that I think we definitely can unpack here.

415
00:28:44.380 --> 00:28:46.880
The bottom line, I think I just wanna tell you

416
00:28:46.880 --> 00:28:50.320
is that it was good and then the conversation stopped.

417
00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:53.640
Like we moved even on to exchanging numbers

418
00:28:53.640 --> 00:28:55.440
and then I suggested a video date

419
00:28:55.440 --> 00:28:57.940
and it's been a couple of days and I've heard nothing.

420
00:28:58.480 --> 00:29:00.660
And that's where I'm like,

421
00:29:01.480 --> 00:29:04.960
I found myself catching myself in my lies

422
00:29:04.960 --> 00:29:08.360
that I used to believe that I was messing it up.

423
00:29:08.360 --> 00:29:08.360


424
00:29:09.000 --> 00:29:13.520
That I have to earn, right?

425
00:29:13.540 --> 00:29:15.160
I have to earn the approval.

426
00:29:15.460 --> 00:29:21.140
I have to earn the interest that they're gonna see

427
00:29:21.140 --> 00:29:23.320
and not like what they see that I'm not enough

428
00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:26.680
for the guy that I am interested in

429
00:29:28.420 --> 00:29:31.560
and whether I'm gonna do something to mess it up.

430
00:29:31.860 --> 00:29:32.120
Okay.

431
00:29:32.480 --> 00:29:34.800
And so I recognized my,

432
00:29:38.360 --> 00:29:44.940
my tendency to do and chase and be proactive.

433
00:29:45.520 --> 00:29:48.140
And so I'm sitting with Holy Spirit and that.

434
00:29:48.820 --> 00:29:49.660
Yeah.

435
00:29:49.660 --> 00:29:50.480
And I'm overwhelmed.

436
00:29:51.140 --> 00:29:52.940
Yeah, absolutely.

437
00:29:53.740 --> 00:29:56.120
For one, this is all relatable.

438
00:29:56.460 --> 00:29:59.140
Okay, I'm getting Holy Spirit chills

439
00:29:59.140 --> 00:29:59.980
because I think I,

440
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:06.940
I can. I resonate with what you're experiencing, and I think a lot of women on this call probably

441
00:30:06.940 --> 00:30:14.300
will as well. I just want to thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. That's huge.

442
00:30:14.780 --> 00:30:23.200
Your vulnerability is is beautiful, so I want to thank you for that. What I love that you're

443
00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:29.500
doing is that you're starting to. You're doing hard work here, right? You're going in and

444
00:30:29.500 --> 00:30:33.940
you're recognizing patterns of things, and now you're going to Holy Spirit with it. Ladies,

445
00:30:34.080 --> 00:30:38.740
that's so important. OK, there's going to be the ups and the downs of this dating stuff.

446
00:30:38.920 --> 00:30:43.420
It's going to. It's going to surface emotions, feelings, all sorts of things, and that's

447
00:30:43.420 --> 00:30:47.820
going to be, you know that that could be a challenge. What I love that you've done here,

448
00:30:47.860 --> 00:30:51.600
Stephanie, is that you're starting to be like, OK, what are the lies that I'm believing?

449
00:30:52.320 --> 00:30:58.120
Ladies, that's important. When you have these fears and these emotions, the anxiety, all

450
00:30:58.120 --> 00:31:07.420
of this stuff that starts to surface. We have to figure out. What am I believing? That's

451
00:31:07.420 --> 00:31:14.440
making me have these thoughts, so she's she's she's coming to that. OK, so she's like I

452
00:31:14.440 --> 00:31:20.040
have to earn. I have to earn their approval and I'm not enough, so I've got to do something

453
00:31:20.040 --> 00:31:27.180
to get someone's approval. I'm going to mess it up. OK, so if she's believing all of this

454
00:31:27.180 --> 00:31:34.860
stuff, we all have all right, myself included. If this is the stuff I'm believing. What do

455
00:31:34.860 --> 00:31:44.040
you think is going to be validated? What's going to be validated? The stuff that we are

456
00:31:43.840 --> 00:31:50.160
believing? OK, he just he fell off and I was like a lot, right? Because there hasn't been

457
00:31:50.160 --> 00:31:55.340
much question or conversation after we shared socials. And so I thought, oh, he saw something

458
00:31:55.340 --> 00:32:01.360
like or he I wasn't, you know, I wasn't cute enough or I wasn't interesting enough or whatever.

459
00:32:01.760 --> 00:32:08.080
Yeah, so that's what we want to tap into. OK, we want to shift our thinking. We want to get

460
00:32:08.080 --> 00:32:14.300
breakthrough there. We want to get the transformation there. OK, because that's not God's truth.

461
00:32:15.980 --> 00:32:23.820
All right, so this is where we go into some deeper questions with the Holy Spirit. You know,

462
00:32:23.820 --> 00:32:31.380
one of my favorite things to ask you, ladies, and I do it myself, especially just recently,

463
00:32:31.680 --> 00:32:35.100
you know, I've been going through the heartwork again myself. OK, believe it or not, ladies,

464
00:32:35.220 --> 00:32:41.520
artwork doesn't stop. OK, heartwork will continue in your marriage to you just have another

465
00:32:42.100 --> 00:32:46.300
person, but you're still going to be doing it on yourself and still having that relationship

466
00:32:46.300 --> 00:32:55.680
with the Lord. It's recognizing, OK, where does this feeling and this thought feel familiar?

467
00:32:57.640 --> 00:33:09.340
Going back in your past, when did that thought, feeling, emotion surface? What's that belief

468
00:33:09.340 --> 00:33:20.900
rooted in? So Stephanie, is there anything, memory, thought that comes to mind? The earliest

469
00:33:20.900 --> 00:33:25.840
memory that you can remember where you felt like you weren't enough and you needed to

470
00:33:25.880 --> 00:33:30.440
get somebody's approval? Yeah, I mean, it comes from my parents. I was born to teenage

471
00:33:30.440 --> 00:33:34.580
parents. I was raised by my grandparents. I moved around a lot. You know, I was with

472
00:33:34.720 --> 00:33:43.980
my mom sometimes, my grandparents sometimes, my dad sometimes. It's a long story. Yes.

473
00:33:44.000 --> 00:33:52.620
So from the very beginning, but you ladies see our body doesn't when those emotions get

474
00:33:53.220 --> 00:33:58.760
activated, we don't know the difference. Like we will sometimes feel like we're going back.

475
00:33:59.620 --> 00:34:05.020
Like our body responds to the past and it doesn't know that it's responding to the past.

476
00:34:05.280 --> 00:34:11.520
It thinks it's in the present. So it's working through that. And ladies, it's not like, oh,

477
00:34:11.520 --> 00:34:16.760
I can recognize it. I mean, she's probably been, I'm assuming when you went through heartwork,

478
00:34:16.840 --> 00:34:21.100
a lot of some of this stuff started to surface, right? Yeah. Now we're going into a deeper

479
00:34:21.100 --> 00:34:27.940
layer, right? Because now you're introducing, we're introducing dating. All right. And now

480
00:34:27.940 --> 00:34:34.420
guess what? Ladies, here's the thing. The enemy is so say he's generic. All right. Like

481
00:34:36.540 --> 00:34:45.739
he, he, he doesn't, he doesn't use new material, right? He uses the old material. He's just,

482
00:34:45.920 --> 00:34:53.520
sometimes he can be cunning, right? And trick us, deceive us. All right. But once we tap

483
00:34:53.520 --> 00:34:58.240
into that, and once we recognize it, we shut that down so quickly.

484
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:08.340
So, he's wanting to use this old lie that you weren't enough, that you had to earn something,

485
00:35:08.520 --> 00:35:14.600
that you weren't wanted, that if it was your fault, you did something wrong and you messed

486
00:35:14.600 --> 00:35:23.840
it up and that's why, right? He is going to sit there and use those same lies now that you're

487
00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:30.760
stepping into something that God's promised you. That is, I will tell you, marriage is

488
00:35:30.760 --> 00:35:40.620
the one thing the enemy wants to attack. And when we recognize it and we remember, like,

489
00:35:41.020 --> 00:35:53.980
God's already won. The victory is already won. Like, you can't use this on me. You can't

490
00:35:54.940 --> 00:36:03.760
So, what's important here is when these feelings and things surface,

491
00:36:05.640 --> 00:36:13.600
it's going in prayer. I mean, like, okay, Lord, I'm feeling like I did something to mess this up

492
00:36:13.600 --> 00:36:22.100
and that no one's going to be attracted to me. Ask the Lord to speak to you. What does he say?

493
00:36:25.540 --> 00:36:31.320
He put that desire in your heart, Stephanie. He put the desire of marriage in every single one

494
00:36:31.320 --> 00:36:38.040
of your hearts. He's going to deliver on that promise. It might not look the way that we think

495
00:36:38.040 --> 00:36:43.400
it should look or we want it to look. It's actually going to look better. It'll look different.

496
00:36:44.720 --> 00:36:50.800
It really will. Y'all, I mean, I can get on another soapbox and just even give you my testimony

497
00:36:50.800 --> 00:36:58.760
and my experience in this program. And, you know, but he's put that there. You're not going

498
00:36:58.760 --> 00:37:07.040
to mess up your spirit. And we also have to remember the people that we're interacting with,

499
00:37:07.760 --> 00:37:15.120
they are also experiencing some of the same stuff, feeling like they're not enough or,

500
00:37:15.120 --> 00:37:20.860
oh, maybe, maybe she's not attracted to me. Maybe she's, maybe she's catfishing me,

501
00:37:20.980 --> 00:37:28.900
whatever it is, right? They're dealing with their own stuff. If we can just tap in and remind

502
00:37:28.900 --> 00:37:35.220
ourselves when we don't hear from somebody, it says more about who they are and less about who

503
00:37:35.220 --> 00:37:42.940
we are. I need to remember that. Like it really is about where they're at, not about where you're at.

504
00:37:42.940 --> 00:37:52.020
It doesn't have to be personal. One thing I use, Jackie, you know, instilled in us when I was in

505
00:37:52.020 --> 00:37:57.280
the program, you know, the whole ghosting, like all of a sudden you get excited about somebody

506
00:37:57.280 --> 00:38:03.420
and then they just drop off. Instead of it calling ghosting, we called it holy ghosted.

507
00:38:06.440 --> 00:38:11.720
Like my heavenly father knows how to protect me and he just went ahead and removed that person

508
00:38:11.720 --> 00:38:18.780
for me. And that was powerful for me, y'all, because if you were like me, I was the type of

509
00:38:18.940 --> 00:38:26.860
person that I just wanted to make that person be the person. Yeah. I didn't see any of the

510
00:38:26.860 --> 00:38:32.440
red flags. I didn't want to be there. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. Yes. And we're tired. And

511
00:38:32.440 --> 00:38:38.460
we're like, we just want it to come. Can't he just get FedEx to my door? Amazon Prime my husband to

512
00:38:38.460 --> 00:38:45.300
please Lord. And we do, we get tired. And so that's another thing. Like, I'm glad you brought

513
00:38:45.300 --> 00:38:49.440
that up to Stephanie, because I really do feel Holy Spirit speaking to me on this one. Ladies,

514
00:38:49.780 --> 00:38:55.320
we don't have to be tired in this dating process. I know it can be tiring at times,

515
00:38:57.060 --> 00:38:59.720
but we're not going to work dating like it's a job.

516
00:39:03.060 --> 00:39:11.700
Go out and have fun. What do you love to do? Go put joy in your life.

517
00:39:12.900 --> 00:39:17.760
What's that thing that you'd never, that you always wanted to do and you just haven't gotten

518
00:39:17.760 --> 00:39:22.000
around to it. Maybe you want, you know, I've always wanted to go ballroom dancing,

519
00:39:22.380 --> 00:39:27.560
like, and I've never done it. You know, I'm going to, I'm going to research that. I'm going to join

520
00:39:27.560 --> 00:39:36.120
a class, do something that you've never done before. Or maybe there's something that you just

521
00:39:36.200 --> 00:39:41.420
really do enjoy doing. And you are like, you know, I'm going to do, I'm going to do this every week.

522
00:39:43.220 --> 00:39:49.440
You know, maybe it's, you know what, I need, I need to get out and walk more. Okay, so I'm going

523
00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:55.700
to just tell myself, I'm going to walk more. And I'm going to go out and do it. We actually had

524
00:39:55.700 --> 00:39:59.980
we would, when I was in this program, we, we

525
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.880
It would do live videos, and you have the opportunity

526
00:40:02.880 --> 00:40:04.600
to do live videos in our app, too.

527
00:40:04.700 --> 00:40:05.740
Sometimes it's a little tricky.

528
00:40:07.240 --> 00:40:09.280
But we'd just jump off for like a couple minutes

529
00:40:09.280 --> 00:40:10.400
and we'd be on our walks.

530
00:40:11.400 --> 00:40:13.720
And be like, oh, ladies, guess what the Holy Spirit

531
00:40:13.720 --> 00:40:14.440
spoke to me today?

532
00:40:14.540 --> 00:40:15.980
I mean, I remember one clearly.

533
00:40:16.600 --> 00:40:21.720
Because y'all, I joined when the world was shut down, okay?

534
00:40:22.200 --> 00:40:24.460
So, and I didn't have a job at the time.

535
00:40:24.500 --> 00:40:29.180
I got laid off because my job and everything was closed.

536
00:40:31.000 --> 00:40:34.140
And God, I was on one of those walks

537
00:40:34.220 --> 00:40:36.640
where Jackie encouraged us to get out and move our bodies.

538
00:40:37.880 --> 00:40:40.080
And the Lord spoke to me.

539
00:40:40.140 --> 00:40:42.580
Because I was in this like mental space of like,

540
00:40:42.580 --> 00:40:43.860
I have a son, y'all.

541
00:40:44.020 --> 00:40:45.980
I had a little boy, all right?

542
00:40:45.980 --> 00:40:46.840
It was a single mom.

543
00:40:48.180 --> 00:40:50.280
And I was like, I don't have a job.

544
00:40:51.200 --> 00:40:52.780
Like, what am I supposed to do?

545
00:40:52.860 --> 00:40:55.160
Am I supposed to go find just anything, something?

546
00:40:55.240 --> 00:40:56.640
Like, what am I supposed to do here?

547
00:40:56.640 --> 00:40:58.220
I felt like I had to do the work.

548
00:40:59.180 --> 00:41:02.700
I had to work to get the, I had to earn something, right?

549
00:41:03.260 --> 00:41:04.840
You wanna know what Lord said to me?

550
00:41:05.120 --> 00:41:08.100
And I remember being on Facebook Live,

551
00:41:08.120 --> 00:41:09.600
because we didn't have an app at the time,

552
00:41:10.040 --> 00:41:11.180
on this walk.

553
00:41:11.660 --> 00:41:14.680
And Holy Spirit allowed me to share with my community

554
00:41:15.140 --> 00:41:16.480
here at Last Year Single.

555
00:41:20.860 --> 00:41:24.520
Karla, how are you gonna trust a husband to provide for you

556
00:41:24.520 --> 00:41:27.100
if you don't trust me to provide for you first?

557
00:41:30.780 --> 00:41:34.660
I had to, like, God was doing something in me

558
00:41:34.660 --> 00:41:40.160
and preparing my heart so that I trusted him as my source.

559
00:41:40.940 --> 00:41:44.740
Otherwise, if I met somebody and got married, guess what?

560
00:41:45.320 --> 00:41:50.200
I would have probably made that man my source, not God.

561
00:41:50.240 --> 00:41:52.660
And God's like, Karla, I don't want that for you.

562
00:41:52.680 --> 00:41:54.680
That's not the marriage I have for you.

563
00:41:55.000 --> 00:41:56.840
That's not kingdom marriage.

564
00:41:56.840 --> 00:41:58.560
And I have kingdom marriage for you.

565
00:41:58.560 --> 00:42:04.040
And if you want it and you wanna choose it, trust me.

566
00:42:07.280 --> 00:42:08.080
Walk my path.

567
00:42:09.500 --> 00:42:10.640
Doesn't have to be easy.

568
00:42:10.800 --> 00:42:12.400
It just has to be worth it.

569
00:42:13.240 --> 00:42:16.240
And I was able to do that.

570
00:42:16.460 --> 00:42:20.120
And y'all, like, I met my husband and realized,

571
00:42:20.880 --> 00:42:23.780
oh yeah, I would not have been able to receive this man

572
00:42:23.780 --> 00:42:26.900
as my husband, because that's scary.

573
00:42:27.640 --> 00:42:29.520
That can be scary.

574
00:42:29.720 --> 00:42:30.840
Like, I'd never been married.

575
00:42:31.100 --> 00:42:33.100
I was a single mom, do it myself.

576
00:42:33.220 --> 00:42:35.320
I mean, I was grind, grind, grind.

577
00:42:35.400 --> 00:42:37.240
Like, I don't need anybody.

578
00:42:38.380 --> 00:42:39.660
I got this myself.

579
00:42:40.120 --> 00:42:44.300
Y'all, I had to put myself in a submissive posture

580
00:42:45.920 --> 00:42:47.980
with the Lord first,

581
00:42:48.040 --> 00:42:50.580
because that's how I would show up in marriage.

582
00:42:53.540 --> 00:42:54.180
Okay?

583
00:42:54.900 --> 00:42:57.580
So you see, I can get on all these soapboxes, ladies.

584
00:42:58.360 --> 00:43:01.500
One question can just, all this teaching that comes,

585
00:43:01.720 --> 00:43:03.780
you know, all this wisdom, all the experience,

586
00:43:04.060 --> 00:43:06.800
all the things that Holy Spirit can speak to us.

587
00:43:06.960 --> 00:43:08.620
And so again, Stephanie,

588
00:43:09.340 --> 00:43:14.700
want you to spend time activating the truth, okay?

589
00:43:15.400 --> 00:43:17.640
Think of it, this is not those,

590
00:43:17.940 --> 00:43:20.700
when they ghost you, that has nothing to do with you.

591
00:43:21.580 --> 00:43:25.020
It says more about them than it does about you.

592
00:43:26.860 --> 00:43:32.200
And your Heavenly Father loves you so much.

593
00:43:34.500 --> 00:43:36.840
He's not gonna make you earn a husband.

594
00:43:41.920 --> 00:43:43.340
Ladies, sit with that.

595
00:43:44.400 --> 00:43:46.340
I don't think this just speaks to Stephanie.

596
00:43:46.380 --> 00:43:47.920
I think this speaks to a lot of you ladies.

597
00:43:47.920 --> 00:43:52.020
Ladies, you don't have to earn your husband.

598
00:43:54.340 --> 00:43:59.120
You are a gift to your husband

599
00:43:59.120 --> 00:44:01.460
and your husband's a gift to you.

600
00:44:06.240 --> 00:44:08.860
And that man, your husband, your spirit mate,

601
00:44:08.940 --> 00:44:13.740
is gonna have so much grace for you,

602
00:44:14.520 --> 00:44:18.280
but your Heavenly Father has even more grace for you.

603
00:44:23.220 --> 00:44:26.120
So just hold onto that, take that.

604
00:44:27.980 --> 00:44:32.080
There's no earning, like, we're not orphans.

605
00:44:33.420 --> 00:44:34.700
We don't have to beg.

606
00:44:37.760 --> 00:44:40.200
Beg, or God, bring me a husband, please, please, please.

607
00:44:40.200 --> 00:44:41.840
I want him to look like this and I want him to,

608
00:44:42.080 --> 00:44:43.100
no, we don't have to beg.

609
00:44:43.100 --> 00:44:48.060
He's already got what we need.

610
00:44:50.540 --> 00:44:51.820
We're just gonna trust him.

611
00:44:53.480 --> 00:44:54.840
And you know what's really cool, ladies,

612
00:44:55.020 --> 00:44:56.740
is when y'all jump to phase three

613
00:44:56.740 --> 00:44:59.940
and you give those announcements that you met somebody.

614
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.740
and I get to see that, that's such a celebration.

615
00:45:04.980 --> 00:45:06.040
It really is.

616
00:45:06.760 --> 00:45:08.720
Because you know what is really cool?

617
00:45:10.460 --> 00:45:13.760
Is God does some pretty intentional miraculous stuff

618
00:45:13.760 --> 00:45:14.600
with your love story.

619
00:45:17.120 --> 00:45:18.240
He really does.

620
00:45:20.020 --> 00:45:21.780
You know, I thought I wasn't gonna move.

621
00:45:22.260 --> 00:45:23.300
I wasn't gonna leave.

622
00:45:23.360 --> 00:45:24.760
I was not gonna move out of Florida, y'all.

623
00:45:25.900 --> 00:45:28.200
My husband was in Texas and I now live in Texas.

624
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:31.540
I never thought that's the way it was,

625
00:45:31.720 --> 00:45:33.480
but it was like God knew

626
00:45:34.140 --> 00:45:37.840
and the way he had it unfold was beautiful.

627
00:45:38.360 --> 00:45:40.280
It was better than I could imagine.

628
00:45:41.280 --> 00:45:42.940
And there was so much breakthrough

629
00:45:42.940 --> 00:45:45.500
and so much just goodness.

630
00:45:46.260 --> 00:45:50.660
I was like, dang, if I would have dreamt this up,

631
00:45:50.740 --> 00:45:51.920
I wouldn't have.

632
00:45:51.920 --> 00:45:53.700
I wouldn't have done it that way.

633
00:45:53.980 --> 00:45:55.720
But God, he does.

634
00:45:56.620 --> 00:46:00.060
And so I just, I hope that gives you ladies encouragement.

635
00:46:00.920 --> 00:46:02.040
I really, really do.

636
00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:05.760
Okay, I know I kind of went really long with that one.

637
00:46:05.760 --> 00:46:08.400
See, ladies, if you're new, I talk and I like,

638
00:46:08.500 --> 00:46:10.240
we get some, the Holy Spirit will just download

639
00:46:10.240 --> 00:46:11.980
some really good nuggets for us all.

640
00:46:12.340 --> 00:46:14.240
I know Sam posted something,

641
00:46:14.460 --> 00:46:15.860
online dating is your next video.

642
00:46:16.200 --> 00:46:19.200
So maybe it hasn't been covered yet in the videos,

643
00:46:19.220 --> 00:46:21.600
but I'm still really confused about hanky dropping.

644
00:46:21.820 --> 00:46:22.120
Got it.

645
00:46:22.320 --> 00:46:24.440
Okay, I am a woman who has a history

646
00:46:24.440 --> 00:46:26.220
of being really bold and carrying the weight

647
00:46:26.220 --> 00:46:27.680
of a relationship and just being like,

648
00:46:27.840 --> 00:46:29.000
hey, I like you, let's go out.

649
00:46:29.140 --> 00:46:29.580
I love that.

650
00:46:29.900 --> 00:46:30.960
Sam, I love that.

651
00:46:32.260 --> 00:46:34.540
Okay, let's not lose that boldness.

652
00:46:34.980 --> 00:46:38.200
We might just learn when to reel it back

653
00:46:38.200 --> 00:46:41.120
and allowed a man to kind of take a leap, okay?

654
00:46:41.600 --> 00:46:44.240
I love the dropping the hanky and that is,

655
00:46:44.400 --> 00:46:47.640
it's like, hey, do you wanna go grab coffee sometime?

656
00:46:48.960 --> 00:46:50.940
Hey, you know, I'm going to this farmer's market

657
00:46:50.940 --> 00:46:53.160
this weekend, you know, would you like to join me?

658
00:46:53.680 --> 00:46:54.640
Oh, you like barbecue?

659
00:46:54.740 --> 00:46:56.780
Well, there's this really awesome barbecue place

660
00:46:56.880 --> 00:46:58.880
like a couple of blocks from where I live.

661
00:46:59.120 --> 00:47:00.140
I've been meaning to try it.

662
00:47:00.140 --> 00:47:01.660
Would you like to come with me?

663
00:47:02.880 --> 00:47:04.040
Hanky dropping, okay?

664
00:47:04.820 --> 00:47:09.380
Go on the first date, get, if they wanna pick it up,

665
00:47:09.520 --> 00:47:11.320
you'll know, because they'll say, yeah, sure.

666
00:47:11.340 --> 00:47:13.280
And then you set the date up, right?

667
00:47:14.980 --> 00:47:16.720
Then if you had a good time,

668
00:47:16.760 --> 00:47:19.440
you let them know I had a really great time.

669
00:47:19.640 --> 00:47:21.300
We should do this again sometime.

670
00:47:21.300 --> 00:47:24.620
And you just leave it at that, okay?

671
00:47:24.860 --> 00:47:26.300
You might say that at the end of the day

672
00:47:26.300 --> 00:47:28.840
and then ladies probably typically within 24 hours

673
00:47:28.840 --> 00:47:31.400
followed up with like a text or a phone call or whatever

674
00:47:31.400 --> 00:47:33.440
and say, hey, again, had a good time.

675
00:47:33.540 --> 00:47:34.760
I hope we can do it again soon.

676
00:47:36.040 --> 00:47:39.700
Now you let the ball be in his court, okay?

677
00:47:40.040 --> 00:47:41.880
And we don't have to get anxious about,

678
00:47:43.060 --> 00:47:45.960
well, he didn't plan a date like after I said that,

679
00:47:46.200 --> 00:47:48.360
you know, maybe he's got a busy schedule,

680
00:47:48.940 --> 00:47:50.960
but maybe in a week he comes back around

681
00:47:50.960 --> 00:47:53.900
and be like, hey, there's this, you know,

682
00:47:54.320 --> 00:47:58.720
there's this in the park concert and I was wanting to go

683
00:47:58.720 --> 00:48:00.620
and I need somebody to go with, would you like to come?

684
00:48:01.820 --> 00:48:03.360
You see how it just works, it's naturally,

685
00:48:03.700 --> 00:48:05.540
but you're not just waiting on that one guy, ladies.

686
00:48:06.680 --> 00:48:09.520
You're getting out, you're having fun, all right, ladies?

687
00:48:10.140 --> 00:48:13.020
Go out and do fun things, all right?

688
00:48:13.020 --> 00:48:15.580
When I was in this program, we were all locked up.

689
00:48:16.680 --> 00:48:18.720
That was hard, okay?

690
00:48:18.720 --> 00:48:20.220
We're not like that anymore.

691
00:48:20.360 --> 00:48:22.640
We can get out, we can go do things.

692
00:48:23.680 --> 00:48:25.340
Don't talk to strangers, okay?

693
00:48:25.460 --> 00:48:27.860
I know we always say like to kids, don't talk to strangers.

694
00:48:28.200 --> 00:48:30.160
Now when we're adults, we can go,

695
00:48:30.160 --> 00:48:33.000
strike up a conversation with a stranger in a public place,

696
00:48:33.500 --> 00:48:36.180
okay, don't go talk to strangers in like non-public places,

697
00:48:37.180 --> 00:48:41.080
but get to know people, you know, be bold.

698
00:48:41.180 --> 00:48:44.500
I like it, Sam, I think your boldness is great.

699
00:48:44.540 --> 00:48:45.300
I think it's beautiful.

700
00:48:45.480 --> 00:48:47.500
I think it's, you know, God put that in you.

701
00:48:47.500 --> 00:48:50.120
We're just gonna, when you put it into practice,

702
00:48:50.340 --> 00:48:52.800
we're gonna help you reel it in,

703
00:48:52.860 --> 00:48:54.720
where you don't have to feel like you have to take charge.

704
00:48:55.100 --> 00:48:57.700
You might drop the hanky and you're gonna be good at that,

705
00:48:58.040 --> 00:49:00.380
but then it's gonna be, okay, I dropped it,

706
00:49:00.420 --> 00:49:03.160
now I have to let the man lead, okay?

707
00:49:03.160 --> 00:49:06.600
And so we'll walk you through that when that comes, okay?

708
00:49:07.740 --> 00:49:10.240
Yeah, I haven't been able to make it,

709
00:49:10.540 --> 00:49:15.040
but I have been to, I've been doing this thing,

710
00:49:15.160 --> 00:49:16.960
like, because I do lots of things, you know,

711
00:49:16.960 --> 00:49:18.240
like you were talking about earlier,

712
00:49:18.360 --> 00:49:19.540
like things I really wanna do.

713
00:49:19.720 --> 00:49:22.100
So I found like this thing on Instagram

714
00:49:22.100 --> 00:49:23.880
popped up for me called Time Left,

715
00:49:24.060 --> 00:49:26.740
which sits like six strangers at the same table

716
00:49:26.920 --> 00:49:28.760
on like a Wednesday or a Friday night.

717
00:49:29.260 --> 00:49:31.660
Yeah, and like, it could be believers,

718
00:49:31.840 --> 00:49:32.280
it could be non-believers,

719
00:49:32.380 --> 00:49:33.680
like it could be anybody, right?

720
00:49:33.680 --> 00:49:35.560
Like, so it's good, it's a good stretch,

721
00:49:35.660 --> 00:49:37.140
but it's like three guys and three girls.

722
00:49:37.580 --> 00:49:40.980
And so, and they have multiple tables throughout my city.

723
00:49:42.300 --> 00:49:43.180
So usually-

724
00:49:43.180 --> 00:49:43.840
Are you doing that?

725
00:49:44.040 --> 00:49:45.100
Yes, I'm doing that.

726
00:49:45.280 --> 00:49:46.060
So usually- When is that?

727
00:49:46.060 --> 00:49:48.480
It's like, you sign up for it.

728
00:49:49.120 --> 00:49:51.900
So you can like get a subscription or-

729
00:49:51.900 --> 00:49:51.900


730
00:49:51.960 --> 00:49:54.240
You can sign up for like a specific day.

731
00:49:54.640 --> 00:49:56.060
So I've done two of them so far.

732
00:49:56.340 --> 00:49:57.800
I mean, I haven't- So you have been on a date.

733
00:49:58.140 --> 00:49:59.080
We don't count those as dates.

734
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.440
Oh, I don't know, really?

735
00:50:02.380 --> 00:50:03.720
I think it is.

736
00:50:03.860 --> 00:50:05.540
I would count it as a date.

737
00:50:05.920 --> 00:50:08.820
Yeah, but you don't even know the location or anything

738
00:50:08.820 --> 00:50:10.180
until the day before.

739
00:50:10.380 --> 00:50:14.080
And they prompt you with questions

740
00:50:14.080 --> 00:50:15.560
if the table gets stale.

741
00:50:16.700 --> 00:50:17.600
That's good.

742
00:50:17.820 --> 00:50:20.380
And then they also have a time after the dinner

743
00:50:20.380 --> 00:50:22.520
to meet up with all the other tables in the city.

744
00:50:22.520 --> 00:50:25.440
So they give you a place to go, a bar, or whatever.

745
00:50:25.460 --> 00:50:26.620
Where do you live?

746
00:50:26.820 --> 00:50:27.280
Dallas.

747
00:50:27.460 --> 00:50:28.000
I live in Dallas.

748
00:50:28.000 --> 00:50:28.860
Oh, shh.

749
00:50:30.200 --> 00:50:31.680
It's called Time Left.

750
00:50:32.500 --> 00:50:33.880
And so check it out.

751
00:50:34.160 --> 00:50:36.920
But it's just a way for me to meet people.

752
00:50:37.440 --> 00:50:38.360
I love that.

753
00:50:38.460 --> 00:50:39.560
So I went this past Friday.

754
00:50:40.120 --> 00:50:43.920
And the guys at my table, there was only two instead of three.

755
00:50:44.040 --> 00:50:44.860
One didn't show.

756
00:50:46.680 --> 00:50:49.380
So between the five of us that were there, we talked.

757
00:50:49.540 --> 00:50:51.060
The other table was right next to us,

758
00:50:51.060 --> 00:50:52.620
so we knew who the other people were.

759
00:50:53.180 --> 00:50:55.100
And so when we got to the bar, we

760
00:50:55.100 --> 00:50:57.660
were all sitting at one table together between the two tables

761
00:50:58.300 --> 00:51:01.400
So I met a guy that was at the other table

762
00:51:01.400 --> 00:51:02.300
that I had kind of seen.

763
00:51:02.440 --> 00:51:03.460
He had a little bit of white in his beard,

764
00:51:03.520 --> 00:51:05.580
so I thought he might be close to my age.

765
00:51:07.320 --> 00:51:07.320


766
00:51:07.520 --> 00:51:10.000
You know what I like, too, is that you're doing it in a group.

767
00:51:10.860 --> 00:51:13.980
So maybe you're not sitting with a man that's your spirit mate.

768
00:51:14.480 --> 00:51:19.020
But maybe the lady that's sitting at your table

769
00:51:19.260 --> 00:51:20.480
knows your spirit mate.

770
00:51:20.980 --> 00:51:23.360
And you become friends with that woman.

771
00:51:23.840 --> 00:51:27.700
And she's like, hey, this guy didn't work for me,

772
00:51:28.320 --> 00:51:29.600
but I think he might be your type.

773
00:51:29.840 --> 00:51:32.400
I think he might be a good match for you.

774
00:51:32.660 --> 00:51:33.680
That's so fantastic.

775
00:51:33.740 --> 00:51:36.200
Because I feel like I really, like once we got to the bar

776
00:51:36.200 --> 00:51:37.920
and I met one of the guys from the other table,

777
00:51:38.060 --> 00:51:40.520
then we were kind of sitting next to each other in a booth.

778
00:51:40.620 --> 00:51:42.500
It was hard to talk to anybody else,

779
00:51:42.500 --> 00:51:43.940
because it was kind of loud.

780
00:51:44.540 --> 00:51:47.740
And so he was just telling me, we're

781
00:51:47.740 --> 00:51:50.960
in the similar fields of work, so we were talking about that.

782
00:51:50.960 --> 00:51:53.360
And we're also both traveling this coming weekend,

783
00:51:53.400 --> 00:51:54.560
so we were talking about that.

784
00:51:54.660 --> 00:51:56.680
And I just felt like there was a little bit of a connection

785
00:51:56.760 --> 00:51:57.140
there.

786
00:51:57.820 --> 00:52:00.260
I had shared that I was a huge fan of Jane Austen,

787
00:52:00.380 --> 00:52:02.960
and I showed a picture of me dressed up in that time period.

788
00:52:03.020 --> 00:52:04.760
And he's like, you know what, you would really

789
00:52:05.780 --> 00:52:06.780
like Medieval Times.

790
00:52:06.860 --> 00:52:08.100
And I was like, I would.

791
00:52:08.700 --> 00:52:09.780
That would be so fun.

792
00:52:09.920 --> 00:52:10.460
There is.

793
00:52:10.560 --> 00:52:12.560
And you know, my husband's been trying to get me to that.

794
00:52:13.600 --> 00:52:14.200
I said to him.

795
00:52:14.200 --> 00:52:16.440
I took our older kids to that before I met him.

796
00:52:17.700 --> 00:52:20.540
Do you have a Medieval Times date on the calendar?

797
00:52:20.920 --> 00:52:23.300
No, because I kind of dropped the hanky at that moment.

798
00:52:23.380 --> 00:52:24.300
I was like, I'd love to do that.

799
00:52:24.300 --> 00:52:25.920
Isn't that something you'd like to do?

800
00:52:26.340 --> 00:52:27.700
And he was like, oh, maybe.

801
00:52:28.840 --> 00:52:31.840
And then because you can't connect.

802
00:52:31.860 --> 00:52:32.480
Did you get his number?

803
00:52:33.420 --> 00:52:35.340
I offered mine, but he didn't take it.

804
00:52:35.480 --> 00:52:39.100
He was like, hey, I'm out next week, and so are you,

805
00:52:39.180 --> 00:52:39.980
but maybe next time.

806
00:52:40.080 --> 00:52:41.000
So I was like, all right.

807
00:52:41.560 --> 00:52:42.340
There you go.

808
00:52:42.800 --> 00:52:46.780
But I definitely, what I feel like the heartbreak is for me

809
00:52:46.780 --> 00:52:51.740
right now is like, what kind of lie am I believing about this,

810
00:52:51.780 --> 00:52:53.360
like not understanding the hanky drop

811
00:52:53.360 --> 00:52:54.840
or not thinking I can do it right?

812
00:52:55.380 --> 00:52:57.820
I think you are doing the hanky drop.

813
00:52:58.000 --> 00:53:01.060
OK, but I think the lie that I've been believing

814
00:53:01.060 --> 00:53:04.660
is I think I can't do one because any initiation

815
00:53:04.660 --> 00:53:05.700
on my part is too much.

816
00:53:05.740 --> 00:53:08.280
So it's like, oh, so the lie is that I feel like I'm too much?

817
00:53:08.520 --> 00:53:09.120
You're too much.

818
00:53:09.220 --> 00:53:11.040
I was going to say, there's that lie.

819
00:53:11.240 --> 00:53:12.280
Yeah, so those are.

820
00:53:12.280 --> 00:53:14.240
Ladies, I will tell you that is a common.

821
00:53:14.960 --> 00:53:16.680
Those are common lies from the enemy.

822
00:53:17.240 --> 00:53:19.660
I'm not enough, and I'm too much.

823
00:53:21.240 --> 00:53:25.420
I mean, honestly, I've been coaching now for almost two years

824
00:53:26.700 --> 00:53:32.620
and done my own hard work and raising a daughter now,

825
00:53:32.620 --> 00:53:35.100
and that just is always the common theme.

826
00:53:35.780 --> 00:53:38.000
I'm too much, and I'm not enough.

827
00:53:39.260 --> 00:53:41.900
And we're going to break that.

828
00:53:41.900 --> 00:53:44.700
We're going to break those lies because we're not.

829
00:53:45.120 --> 00:53:48.340
We're exactly who God made us to be.

830
00:53:49.120 --> 00:53:49.940
That's it.

831
00:53:50.440 --> 00:53:51.400
Not too much, not enough.

832
00:53:51.660 --> 00:53:52.280
We're just right.

833
00:53:53.000 --> 00:53:54.700
Reminds me of Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

834
00:53:56.140 --> 00:53:58.220
We are just right.

835
00:53:59.860 --> 00:54:02.380
All right, well, thank you, Sam, for posting that question.

836
00:54:02.540 --> 00:54:03.820
I know you've got to jump off.

837
00:54:03.920 --> 00:54:07.200
I think you said at 1 o'clock our time,

838
00:54:07.440 --> 00:54:09.080
but 2 o'clock everybody else's time.

839
00:54:09.080 --> 00:54:13.280
So I'm so glad we got to share that with you.

840
00:54:13.820 --> 00:54:14.700
Good stuff.

841
00:54:15.040 --> 00:54:16.200
Ladies, yeah, I love that.

842
00:54:17.500 --> 00:54:20.380
And I know Dallas-Fort Worth is a big area.

843
00:54:20.540 --> 00:54:22.440
It's a big metroplex, so there probably

844
00:54:22.440 --> 00:54:24.620
are more opportunities for that kind of thing.

845
00:54:24.780 --> 00:54:27.960
So just if there's a nearby city, like a bigger city,

846
00:54:28.240 --> 00:54:31.280
even if it takes you an hour, I mean,

847
00:54:31.280 --> 00:54:33.420
Dallas-Fort Worth is two hours away from Dallas-Fort Worth.

848
00:54:33.680 --> 00:54:38.080
I mean, Sam, you know, you drive everywhere here.

849
00:54:38.200 --> 00:54:38.640
It takes forever.

850
00:54:38.640 --> 00:54:39.740
Traffic is awful.

851
00:54:41.320 --> 00:54:43.160
But, you know, check that out.

852
00:54:43.520 --> 00:54:46.040
Look and see what opportunities are available, OK?

853
00:54:46.620 --> 00:54:48.180
All right, is it Preeti?

854
00:54:49.580 --> 00:54:51.160
I love that name.

855
00:54:52.160 --> 00:54:52.480
Thank you.

856
00:54:52.480 --> 00:54:54.040
It just reminds me of the word pretty.

857
00:54:55.280 --> 00:54:56.360
Do you ever think about that?

858
00:54:56.960 --> 00:54:59.400
Yeah, yeah, it's my icebreaker.

859
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.660
Because people get super confused with my name and they're like,

860
00:55:03.800 --> 00:55:04.780
are they hearing it wrong?

861
00:55:04.940 --> 00:55:06.320
So I will often use this line.

862
00:55:06.480 --> 00:55:07.080
It's like pretty.

863
00:55:07.260 --> 00:55:08.220
And they're like, what?

864
00:55:08.340 --> 00:55:09.020
You are pretty.

865
00:55:09.240 --> 00:55:10.260
And I was like, yeah, yeah.

866
00:55:10.580 --> 00:55:11.020
Yes, girl.

867
00:55:11.440 --> 00:55:11.440


868
00:55:11.880 --> 00:55:13.300
You have to say that.

869
00:55:13.420 --> 00:55:16.400
But anyway, yeah, I use it a lot, like even professionally,

870
00:55:16.760 --> 00:55:18.380
because people are super confused.

871
00:55:18.920 --> 00:55:19.420
Oh, yeah.

872
00:55:19.520 --> 00:55:20.100
I love it.

873
00:55:20.120 --> 00:55:21.500
It means love, actually.

874
00:55:21.960 --> 00:55:22.860
So that works too.

875
00:55:23.480 --> 00:55:25.980
Ladies, that's always a good thing too to do as well.

876
00:55:26.060 --> 00:55:28.100
I know Jackie has taken us through that before,

877
00:55:28.100 --> 00:55:30.180
your name means something.

878
00:55:33.480 --> 00:55:35.280
Start speaking that over you.

879
00:55:36.620 --> 00:55:37.820
She's full of love.

880
00:55:38.140 --> 00:55:38.700
She's pretty.

881
00:55:39.260 --> 00:55:39.820
And guess what?

882
00:55:39.820 --> 00:55:41.300
Her husband's going to see that.

883
00:55:41.720 --> 00:55:43.240
And he sees that, he going to know.

884
00:55:44.520 --> 00:55:46.080
All right, what's your question, girl?

885
00:55:46.720 --> 00:55:51.820
Yes, so I posted a few weeks ago about an incident

886
00:55:51.820 --> 00:55:55.160
that happened to me and another friend from this program,

887
00:55:55.300 --> 00:55:55.600
actually.

888
00:55:55.720 --> 00:55:57.580
And you asked me certain questions.

889
00:55:57.580 --> 00:56:00.700
So I'll just remind you of the situation and the question.

890
00:56:01.020 --> 00:56:01.600
Yeah, just remind me a little bit.

891
00:56:01.940 --> 00:56:04.900
Because it was harder for me to type it.

892
00:56:05.360 --> 00:56:08.160
I normally can't get to the afternoon one,

893
00:56:08.220 --> 00:56:09.660
but my meeting got canceled.

894
00:56:09.880 --> 00:56:11.820
So I was like, OK, it's time.

895
00:56:12.300 --> 00:56:14.440
So anyway, the question or the scenario

896
00:56:14.440 --> 00:56:16.420
was that me and a friend went to a hike,

897
00:56:16.440 --> 00:56:19.740
and there was a very nice man who started

898
00:56:19.740 --> 00:56:20.960
becoming friendly with us.

899
00:56:21.420 --> 00:56:22.900
And I mean, Canadians are super friendly.

900
00:56:23.320 --> 00:56:25.020
We love chatting with strangers.

901
00:56:25.020 --> 00:56:27.180
So we do that very often.

902
00:56:27.960 --> 00:56:32.520
But then he started going on the side of flirting a little bit.

903
00:56:32.920 --> 00:56:34.480
And that made me uncomfortable.

904
00:56:34.900 --> 00:56:37.520
And so both of us, actually, we met the next day.

905
00:56:37.760 --> 00:56:40.020
And we kind of processed the situation.

906
00:56:40.360 --> 00:56:41.280
Yeah, the two of you went.

907
00:56:41.300 --> 00:56:42.940
The two of us met, and we processed it.

908
00:56:43.040 --> 00:56:46.660
And we were like, both of us, our intuitive response

909
00:56:46.680 --> 00:56:49.800
was like, OK, friendly person, we are friendly

910
00:56:49.800 --> 00:56:51.120
and have a good day.

911
00:56:51.340 --> 00:56:53.120
But we didn't kind of engage.

912
00:56:53.120 --> 00:56:55.140
And why did we do that?

913
00:56:55.340 --> 00:56:57.160
And so we both were like, OK, we'll

914
00:56:57.160 --> 00:56:58.540
go, because she's in another phase.

915
00:56:58.600 --> 00:57:00.960
We said, we'll both go take it to our coaches

916
00:57:01.520 --> 00:57:04.160
and try and learn for next time, right?

917
00:57:04.320 --> 00:57:04.620
Yeah.

918
00:57:04.620 --> 00:57:06.720
And so you asked me a question on what

919
00:57:07.280 --> 00:57:10.200
came to your, what are some of the thoughts that surfaced,

920
00:57:10.200 --> 00:57:12.520
and what are some of the feelings you felt?

921
00:57:13.520 --> 00:57:18.540
And I think for me, it was definitely

922
00:57:18.980 --> 00:57:20.420
something around fear.

923
00:57:20.420 --> 00:57:21.000
Yeah.

924
00:57:21.780 --> 00:57:25.320
And some of it stems culturally.

925
00:57:27.300 --> 00:57:29.720
Like, I was raised in an Indian family.

926
00:57:30.000 --> 00:57:34.440
And so we had very strict expectations of children

927
00:57:34.440 --> 00:57:36.280
around dating growing up.

928
00:57:36.500 --> 00:57:39.980
And then also in the church, we were not

929
00:57:39.980 --> 00:57:41.900
encouraged to date as young adults.

930
00:57:41.980 --> 00:57:43.420
Like, you have to talk to your pastor,

931
00:57:43.540 --> 00:57:46.240
and then the pastor will talk to the other person's pastor,

932
00:57:46.280 --> 00:57:46.540
right?

933
00:57:46.540 --> 00:57:50.380
So dating in general is relatively very, very new

934
00:57:50.480 --> 00:57:51.440
to me.

935
00:57:52.740 --> 00:57:55.100
And so I'm super grateful for the coaching

936
00:57:55.100 --> 00:57:56.540
that I get on a weekly basis.

937
00:57:56.940 --> 00:58:00.580
But essentially, it was fear, because also,

938
00:58:01.880 --> 00:58:05.900
I don't think I know what is an appropriate response

939
00:58:05.900 --> 00:58:06.460
to flirting.

940
00:58:06.700 --> 00:58:07.900
Like, I'm not good at it.

941
00:58:08.000 --> 00:58:10.000
Like, I don't think I do it.

942
00:58:10.240 --> 00:58:10.820
Maybe I do it.

943
00:58:10.820 --> 00:58:11.420
I don't know.

944
00:58:11.840 --> 00:58:13.680
But it makes me very uncomfortable.

945
00:58:13.680 --> 00:58:16.280
Like, I'm a very extroverted person.

946
00:58:16.940 --> 00:58:20.000
And I actually have no problem talking to anybody on any topic,

947
00:58:20.540 --> 00:58:24.060
because my work requires me to do that all the time.

948
00:58:24.540 --> 00:58:26.900
But when it comes to this setting,

949
00:58:27.300 --> 00:58:29.440
then it's like I'm a whole new person.

950
00:58:29.980 --> 00:58:31.740
And kind of fear grips me.

951
00:58:32.000 --> 00:58:34.800
So I did go back and do some thinking

952
00:58:35.020 --> 00:58:36.860
on what were the causes.

953
00:58:36.980 --> 00:58:39.280
So like I said, fear, not knowing

954
00:58:39.280 --> 00:58:40.920
how to respond appropriately.

955
00:58:40.920 --> 00:58:46.120
Because in the culture that we are in, people will be like,

956
00:58:46.180 --> 00:58:49.160
oh, yeah, like you should have totally taken that person on

957
00:58:49.160 --> 00:58:49.960
and made out.

958
00:58:50.580 --> 00:58:54.120
But then you're telling the person, no,

959
00:58:54.120 --> 00:58:55.140
but that's not my value.

960
00:58:55.300 --> 00:58:56.420
That's not how you do it, right?

961
00:58:56.420 --> 00:59:00.220
So like there are like extreme pieces of advice I got from.

962
00:59:00.220 --> 00:59:01.880
Yeah, it's like we want to balance that.

963
00:59:02.380 --> 00:59:02.380


964
00:59:03.240 --> 00:59:05.280
We're not, ladies, we're not making out with strangers.

965
00:59:05.520 --> 00:59:05.960
No.

966
00:59:06.240 --> 00:59:08.120
Believe it or not, we encourage no kissing

967
00:59:08.120 --> 00:59:08.980
until it's very clear.

968
00:59:08.980 --> 00:59:11.520
Yeah, and like I would never do it.

969
00:59:11.600 --> 00:59:13.260
But like I'm just telling you, people are like, wait,

970
00:59:13.260 --> 00:59:14.400
like why are you nervous?

971
00:59:14.460 --> 00:59:16.440
Like you should totally come on for it, you know?

972
00:59:17.120 --> 00:59:19.280
And so I guess so fear, not knowing

973
00:59:19.280 --> 00:59:22.660
how to respond appropriately within the boundaries

974
00:59:23.220 --> 00:59:26.880
of this program, but also like as a child of God.

975
00:59:27.300 --> 00:59:29.460
And then last but not the least, I

976
00:59:30.580 --> 00:59:32.840
think also like a lot of rejection

977
00:59:32.840 --> 00:59:34.540
that I have faced before.

978
00:59:35.060 --> 00:59:37.540
Like, I mean, obviously, like I've

979
00:59:37.540 --> 00:59:40.740
spent a lot of time in hard work and like I

980
00:59:40.740 --> 00:59:42.000
speak over the truth.

981
00:59:42.360 --> 00:59:44.720
But like it kind of still stinks, right?

982
00:59:45.340 --> 00:59:49.600
Like when even like I'm in online dating as some people

983
00:59:49.600 --> 00:59:51.760
were saying, like we were having like so many times

984
00:59:51.760 --> 00:59:53.220
I have people on my app.

985
00:59:53.420 --> 00:59:56.540
Like so we are having like a great conversation going

986
00:59:56.540 --> 00:59:57.300
really great.

987
00:59:57.300 --> 00:59:59.980
And then suddenly, boom, you know, they just block you.

988
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.900
like no explanation whatsoever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So

989
01:00:05.200 --> 01:00:08.940
ladies and keep in mind too, like sometimes like men will do

990
01:00:08.940 --> 01:00:11.980
that because you know, again, and we encourage you ladies

991
01:00:11.980 --> 01:00:15.360
getting to know a couple other people. So maybe they met

992
01:00:15.360 --> 01:00:18.280
somebody and they're like, okay, I'm going to shut this down.

993
01:00:18.760 --> 01:00:23.020
Because I want to try to get to know this other person a little

994
01:00:22.740 --> 01:00:28.080
better. So again, it has nothing to do with you. It's sometimes

995
01:00:28.080 --> 01:00:30.900
men have been very nice. And they've told me that. Yeah, I

996
01:00:30.900 --> 01:00:34.160
kind of appreciate it. But I can count it in my fingertips. Right?

997
01:00:34.500 --> 01:00:36.660
Yeah, exactly. And that's what I'm saying. Again, no one ever

998
01:00:36.540 --> 01:00:39.580
like, I don't know about you all. But when I'm not

999
01:00:39.580 --> 01:00:43.560
interested in somebody, it's awkward to tell somebody that

1000
01:00:43.560 --> 01:00:46.860
you're not interested in them. I mean, and I get this from women

1001
01:00:46.860 --> 01:00:49.460
all the time. Like, I mean, again, I've been coaching and

1002
01:00:49.460 --> 01:00:52.360
doing this for about two years now. And I always get the

1003
01:00:52.300 --> 01:00:57.260
question, how do I let someone know that I'm not interested? I

1004
01:00:57.260 --> 01:01:03.080
don't want to hurt his feelings. All right, and I get it. Because

1005
01:01:03.260 --> 01:01:07.200
telling someone that like, we don't want to always feel that

1006
01:01:07.200 --> 01:01:09.520
like, we don't want someone to tell us, Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just

1007
01:01:09.520 --> 01:01:13.640
not interested in you. But we have to start like unlocking

1008
01:01:13.780 --> 01:01:17.100
like, what does that mean? And if we're picking up the

1009
01:01:17.100 --> 01:01:20.780
rejection, I'm not enough. I'm too much all that kind of stuff.

1010
01:01:21.240 --> 01:01:25.700
Then yeah, that's where that rejection sets in. One way to

1011
01:01:25.700 --> 01:01:31.420
shift out of that ladies is okay, I'm glad this person let

1012
01:01:31.420 --> 01:01:34.980
me know. Because I'm just one step closer to my spirit mate.

1013
01:01:36.060 --> 01:01:39.420
I'm one step closer. I don't have to sit here and spend

1014
01:01:39.420 --> 01:01:42.280
months and months and months if someone says, Hey, thanks for

1015
01:01:42.280 --> 01:01:45.740
getting to know I'm getting to know you. I don't think that

1016
01:01:45.740 --> 01:01:48.100
this is gonna go anywhere romantically, but I wish the

1017
01:01:48.100 --> 01:01:51.800
best of luck. You know, people don't know how to say that

1018
01:01:51.800 --> 01:01:55.220
because guess what, people don't know how to take that

1019
01:01:55.160 --> 01:01:58.800
well. So a lot of times what happens is that people just

1020
01:01:59.640 --> 01:02:03.700
avoid the uncomfortable conversation. All right. So

1021
01:02:04.220 --> 01:02:09.540
again, we can't control how people show up. But we can start

1022
01:02:09.540 --> 01:02:13.300
practicing it, right. And if that happens to us, we'd be

1023
01:02:13.300 --> 01:02:17.360
like, just that person wasn't my spirit mate. I'm, I'm glad they

1024
01:02:17.360 --> 01:02:21.140
didn't drag it out. I'm glad they didn't pretend that they

1025
01:02:21.140 --> 01:02:23.100
wanted to get to know me anymore when really they just

1026
01:02:23.140 --> 01:02:27.460
didn't. It's shifting that perspective. And it's like

1027
01:02:27.460 --> 01:02:30.740
talking yourself out of it. But I want to say something you said

1028
01:02:30.600 --> 01:02:36.420
this. You had that, you know, situation. You're like, I just

1029
01:02:36.420 --> 01:02:42.660
don't know how to do this. Okay. And you're telling yourself, I'm

1030
01:02:42.660 --> 01:02:45.620
not good at it. Okay, just because we haven't done it

1031
01:02:45.620 --> 01:02:48.400
before doesn't mean that we can't be good at it. Does that

1032
01:02:48.400 --> 01:02:53.100
make sense? Because like you said, like your culture, and

1033
01:02:53.100 --> 01:02:56.040
what you grew up with, like you weren't encouraged to do this.

1034
01:02:56.080 --> 01:02:58.900
So this is going to be a little different to you. It's going to

1035
01:02:58.900 --> 01:03:01.860
be uncomfortable. There's a discomfort because it's foreign

1036
01:03:01.860 --> 01:03:05.380
to you. It's not what you normally that's not how you grew

1037
01:03:05.600 --> 01:03:12.300
up. Right? If you if you if dating looks differently in your

1038
01:03:12.300 --> 01:03:15.200
culture, it's and now we're doing it different than your

1039
01:03:15.350 --> 01:03:21.150
culture, it's going to feel weird. Okay, so I just want to

1040
01:03:21.670 --> 01:03:25.950
encourage you. It's not that you're not good at it. It's just

1041
01:03:25.950 --> 01:03:30.570
you haven't practiced it. So some things to do subtle things

1042
01:03:30.570 --> 01:03:35.950
on flirting ladies. Okay? If you can remember, just these subtle

1043
01:03:35.950 --> 01:03:43.810
little things, you'll grow in your flirting. Okay? eye

1044
01:03:43.810 --> 01:03:53.250
contact with somebody. Okay, smile. Men, men are attracted to

1045
01:03:53.250 --> 01:04:00.370
women smile and eyes. Okay, that's the first thing that they

1046
01:04:00.370 --> 01:04:06.470
see a good man is first thing they see. Okay. All right. Eyes

1047
01:04:06.470 --> 01:04:09.050
and smile. That's why when we tell you ladies to post your

1048
01:04:09.060 --> 01:04:13.760
profile pictures, we ask you don't put the sunglasses on.

1049
01:04:14.180 --> 01:04:18.040
Okay, one or two sunglass photos totally fine. Okay. I mean, I

1050
01:04:18.040 --> 01:04:21.260
lived in Florida, I like you always wear sunglasses. Okay,

1051
01:04:21.260 --> 01:04:26.520
but I made sure I only had like, maybe one, maybe two. But I had

1052
01:04:26.520 --> 01:04:30.060
a lot of pictures of me where you could see my eyes and I had

1053
01:04:30.060 --> 01:04:34.420
my smile. Okay, then have those serious like professional photos

1054
01:04:34.420 --> 01:04:42.020
up there. It was a show. Smile. Okay. So if you can practice

1055
01:04:42.020 --> 01:04:46.300
flirting, which is eye contact, smile. And like sometimes it's

1056
01:04:46.300 --> 01:04:52.620
the subtle laughing. Okay, and start there. Okay, now as you

1057
01:04:52.620 --> 01:04:55.880
grow in that, then it's going to be a subtle like touching of the

1058
01:04:55.880 --> 01:04:59.980
shoulder. Okay. We're not groping men. We're just going to

1059
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.460
Maybe you put your hand on their hand, like, oh my goodness, that's so funny, you know.

1060
01:05:06.620 --> 01:05:12.400
So if you can just start putting that into practice, I think, just know, okay, this is

1061
01:05:12.400 --> 01:05:15.400
going to feel different because I'm not used to doing it, but it doesn't mean that I'm not good

1062
01:05:15.400 --> 01:05:19.520
at it or that I can't get good at it. You might just need a little more practice with it.

1063
01:05:20.960 --> 01:05:26.400
Okay. So I want to encourage you with that. All right. And again, just again, be thinking of

1064
01:05:26.400 --> 01:05:31.140
those fears, those rejections and all that kind of stuff. And it's, again, it's holding those

1065
01:05:31.140 --> 01:05:37.960
thoughts captive and shutting those down. All right. You know, you have this belief that I'm

1066
01:05:37.960 --> 01:05:42.120
not good at it because I never did it before because it wasn't accepted in my culture.

1067
01:05:43.520 --> 01:05:51.600
Right. Well, is that true now? Okay. Yeah, that might be what I grew up with, but you know what,

1068
01:05:52.260 --> 01:05:57.620
God's showing me a different way. So I'm going to do it this way and I trust God.

1069
01:05:58.880 --> 01:06:03.100
He's not going to steer me wrong. And here's the thing is if I get off course, guess what?

1070
01:06:03.380 --> 01:06:08.660
God is a really great course corrector. He really is. I always like refer to him as GPS.

1071
01:06:10.240 --> 01:06:15.060
You know, I mean, even when I was living in Florida, I used GPS all the time.

1072
01:06:15.620 --> 01:06:18.660
Now in Dallas, I always have to use it. All right.

1073
01:06:20.860 --> 01:06:25.500
GPS will tell you a million different ways and they will let you know what path you need to take.

1074
01:06:26.320 --> 01:06:34.360
And if you go out on the wrong path, guess what? New route kicks in. God is the same way.

1075
01:06:35.080 --> 01:06:39.220
Okay. As long as we're walking with him and being open and listening and hearing and,

1076
01:06:39.640 --> 01:06:44.740
you know, oh, maybe I shouldn't have gone down that way. Okay. Lord, where do you want me to go?

1077
01:06:45.060 --> 01:06:50.000
All right. I'm going to get back on track. He's a really great course corrector. Okay.

1078
01:06:51.440 --> 01:06:56.440
All right. Alicia, how are you girl? I got more hands popping up ladies. I'm

1079
01:06:56.440 --> 01:07:06.380
going to have to start talking really fast. So couple questions. I jumped into

1080
01:07:06.940 --> 01:07:11.360
activation or not. Yes, I did activation. So just to y'all a little bit of backdrop.

1081
01:07:11.920 --> 01:07:16.540
I am divorced. I've been divorced seven, almost eight years now. And I didn't post this and I

1082
01:07:16.540 --> 01:07:22.820
really should have now that I realized it, but I threw away my DVD from my wedding and that was

1083
01:07:23.200 --> 01:07:27.780
hard. Sorry. I'm going to get emotional. And I didn't realize like, I don't want anything to

1084
01:07:27.780 --> 01:07:34.340
do with my past, but it was a really hard thing to do. And so I said, Lord, I'm making room.

1085
01:07:34.340 --> 01:07:40.200
I'm making room for what's important to you. And I don't want to head down this back,

1086
01:07:40.200 --> 01:07:44.900
this path that I was before. So thanks for hearing me out on that. So we'll see where that

1087
01:07:44.900 --> 01:07:50.260
goes. I still have some things from my wedding and I'm just like, not sure how to navigate that, but

1088
01:07:51.260 --> 01:07:56.700
you know, like my shoes and a photo album, and maybe you can give some advice on that.

1089
01:07:56.780 --> 01:08:02.460
I wasn't planning to bring this up, but so I think maybe with time I'll be able to purge more,

1090
01:08:02.460 --> 01:08:13.000
but right now it's just, it's like baby steps. So yeah. Um, so question one is, um, I, I started

1091
01:08:13.000 --> 01:08:18.939
on upward, the dating app here in Colorado, and I'm pretty, I don't know if I'm just like

1092
01:08:18.939 --> 01:08:23.319
too intense from the beginning. And I know we, we said, don't do that. Don't say we're too intense

1093
01:08:23.319 --> 01:08:28.840
or whatever. Maybe I am. I don't know. But my question is, um, you're not too much. I'm not,

1094
01:08:28.840 --> 01:08:34.120
not too much. You're not intense. You're not too much. But from the jump, I just tell them,

1095
01:08:34.300 --> 01:08:38.460
Hey, I'm a charismatic Christian. Um, I am involved in church Bible study. These things

1096
01:08:38.460 --> 01:08:44.000
I do my daily devos, um, so on and so forth. Um, and I'm looking for somebody with that,

1097
01:08:44.220 --> 01:08:48.819
that can match that. And this guy yesterday in particular challenged me. He's like, well,

1098
01:08:48.819 --> 01:08:52.200
I find that to be really judgmental. And I'm like, I just want to know if you match me,

1099
01:08:52.200 --> 01:08:58.399
that's all. And he blocked and deleted me like right quick. Okay. So, uh, fine protection. Great.

1100
01:08:58.399 --> 01:09:02.100
Fine. No, this is good, but I, I, okay. I know you've got a lot of questions,

1101
01:09:02.220 --> 01:09:06.660
but we don't have a lot of time. Exactly. So let's stick on this one. Okay. All those other

1102
01:09:06.660 --> 01:09:09.979
questions, let's put those in the app and we'll get to those. Okay. Great.

1103
01:09:11.100 --> 01:09:13.140
I'm getting Holy spirit on this one too.

1104
01:09:16.540 --> 01:09:22.260
How do you feel about waiting to tell someone you're a charismatic Christian until

1105
01:09:22.260 --> 01:09:30.200
date number three? That's fine. I think my concern is, is I just want somebody who's more mature

1106
01:09:30.279 --> 01:09:34.460
because I was married to a man before that called himself a Christian, walked in heavy addiction

1107
01:09:34.460 --> 01:09:40.120
that I didn't know about it. You see that it's why that's the trigger, right? Huge trigger.

1108
01:09:40.380 --> 01:09:47.180
We've got this past. We don't want to repeat what we did in the past, right? And so we're

1109
01:09:47.180 --> 01:09:52.240
trying to protect ourselves. I need to see that I have someone match. I have a very similar story

1110
01:09:52.240 --> 01:09:58.900
because my, my son's father I thought was a believer. All right.

1111
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.200
And then I got pregnant and he was really not a believer y'all.

1112
01:10:04.440 --> 01:10:07.120
And so I was terrified I was going to fall into that trap again.

1113
01:10:07.120 --> 01:10:08.460
Like, how did I get this wrong?

1114
01:10:08.640 --> 01:10:11.300
I fell for this and I didn't see all the red flags.

1115
01:10:11.300 --> 01:10:12.280
No, I saw the red flags.

1116
01:10:12.460 --> 01:10:16.340
I just didn't know how to recognize them because I was living

1117
01:10:16.340 --> 01:10:17.760
guarded and all sorts of stuff.

1118
01:10:19.180 --> 01:10:21.980
I think this is, this is, there's healing.

1119
01:10:22.060 --> 01:10:23.600
That's going to start taking place for you.

1120
01:10:23.600 --> 01:10:24.800
I really, really believe.

1121
01:10:25.220 --> 01:10:25.980
I know it's hard.

1122
01:10:26.320 --> 01:10:27.140
I get it.

1123
01:10:27.140 --> 01:10:27.500
Yes.

1124
01:10:28.040 --> 01:10:33.320
And so I think it's, it's this learning and going through the process of.

1125
01:10:35.160 --> 01:10:38.020
You want it to look one way because you you're afraid of

1126
01:10:38.020 --> 01:10:40.480
it looking like the past a hundred percent.

1127
01:10:41.280 --> 01:10:41.540
Yeah.

1128
01:10:42.240 --> 01:10:49.680
And so we want, okay.

1129
01:10:49.680 --> 01:10:51.200
What was Holy spirit speaking to me before?

1130
01:10:51.200 --> 01:10:52.740
I want to really make sure I touch on this.

1131
01:10:52.740 --> 01:10:54.600
Cause I really felt strongly about this.

1132
01:10:55.100 --> 01:10:57.440
I think there's just something powerful here.

1133
01:10:57.500 --> 01:10:58.720
Mm hmm.

1134
01:10:58.820 --> 01:11:06.660
And this, this comes up frequently, um, in coaching, especially when we show up

1135
01:11:06.660 --> 01:11:11.540
and our faith is so important and our walk with, with the Lord is so important.

1136
01:11:12.320 --> 01:11:22.580
We anticipate, or we hope that our spirit mate is going to match our faith

1137
01:11:22.580 --> 01:11:24.420
and it's going to look the same.

1138
01:11:25.240 --> 01:11:26.160
But guess what?

1139
01:11:27.000 --> 01:11:28.680
Ladies, we're female.

1140
01:11:29.660 --> 01:11:30.560
Our husbands are male.

1141
01:11:31.800 --> 01:11:33.240
It can look different.

1142
01:11:34.800 --> 01:11:35.200
Okay.

1143
01:11:35.880 --> 01:11:42.220
So how we show up in our belief in our faith may look different than how a man

1144
01:11:42.220 --> 01:11:42.640
does.

1145
01:11:43.140 --> 01:11:43.520
Okay.

1146
01:11:46.840 --> 01:11:48.380
It can look different.

1147
01:11:51.040 --> 01:11:53.700
So I just want you to sit with that.

1148
01:11:54.920 --> 01:12:02.440
And just observe, observe other men that, you know, like, do you have any men in

1149
01:12:02.440 --> 01:12:07.040
your life that you, you admire their relationship with the Lord?

1150
01:12:08.440 --> 01:12:13.960
If a good, a good amount of them, like at least two or three.

1151
01:12:14.480 --> 01:12:15.100
Oh, absolutely.

1152
01:12:15.400 --> 01:12:15.960
Absolutely.

1153
01:12:15.960 --> 01:12:20.360
I think the thing that I'm concerned about is on these Christian dating apps, a few

1154
01:12:20.360 --> 01:12:26.320
of the men have been very honest, but they, they're not even plugged into church.

1155
01:12:26.680 --> 01:12:28.260
So they're, they're lacking on that.

1156
01:12:28.300 --> 01:12:31.420
And so I'm like, should I give these guys a chance?

1157
01:12:31.620 --> 01:12:31.980
Maybe.

1158
01:12:33.400 --> 01:12:40.780
Cause I'm a, I'm fearful of trying to dominate and carry the weight of that.

1159
01:12:40.960 --> 01:12:42.220
The spirit of the law.

1160
01:12:42.780 --> 01:12:44.700
Again, because you had that past, right?

1161
01:12:44.700 --> 01:12:45.600
A hundred percent.

1162
01:12:45.680 --> 01:12:47.560
I'm like, I'm not doing it again.

1163
01:12:47.600 --> 01:12:48.720
Yeah, exactly.

1164
01:12:48.720 --> 01:12:52.260
So it's going to have to be a little bit of leaning into Holy spirit, leaning into the

1165
01:12:52.260 --> 01:12:52.460
Lord.

1166
01:12:52.620 --> 01:12:52.860
Okay.

1167
01:12:52.860 --> 01:12:54.080
Like there's balance here.

1168
01:12:54.080 --> 01:12:54.340
Okay.

1169
01:12:54.340 --> 01:12:56.040
I'm not trying to discourage some of you ladies.

1170
01:12:56.280 --> 01:12:59.220
I'm, I'm trying to tread lightly on this, this, this topic right here.

1171
01:12:59.220 --> 01:13:04.060
Cause I don't want, I don't want my words to get confused.

1172
01:13:08.600 --> 01:13:10.440
It's not it here.

1173
01:13:10.460 --> 01:13:12.240
Let me, let me just start off by this.

1174
01:13:12.240 --> 01:13:21.460
One thing that Jackie really teaches us and you'll hear it often in our program is that

1175
01:13:21.460 --> 01:13:23.420
we want to be fruit inspectors.

1176
01:13:25.360 --> 01:13:32.820
What good fruit, like the fruit of the spirit do these people have?

1177
01:13:32.880 --> 01:13:37.480
Cause believe it or not, sometimes when we come in marriage, marriage is supposed to

1178
01:13:37.480 --> 01:13:39.720
grow our relationship with the Lord.

1179
01:13:40.400 --> 01:13:41.940
Take us to the next level.

1180
01:13:42.240 --> 01:13:43.060
Okay.

1181
01:13:43.620 --> 01:13:47.080
So it's not about where a man's been.

1182
01:13:47.300 --> 01:13:48.960
It's about where is he going?

1183
01:13:49.660 --> 01:13:49.660


1184
01:13:50.160 --> 01:13:50.600
Okay.

1185
01:13:50.680 --> 01:13:56.660
And so it might not look the way you think it should look because guess what?

1186
01:13:56.980 --> 01:13:58.920
He's missing his counterpart.

1187
01:14:01.040 --> 01:14:01.680
Okay.

1188
01:14:02.560 --> 01:14:07.080
I don't want you ladies shutting men down just because they don't regularly attend

1189
01:14:07.080 --> 01:14:08.340
church, believe it or not.

1190
01:14:09.200 --> 01:14:16.800
When I was in this program and I started as a single, I went to church all the time.

1191
01:14:17.740 --> 01:14:21.840
God pulled me away from going to church for a hot minute.

1192
01:14:22.440 --> 01:14:24.820
This community actually became more of my church.

1193
01:14:25.460 --> 01:14:27.760
I jumped on the Tuesday night calls.

1194
01:14:28.540 --> 01:14:34.240
I went to prayers in the morning, whether it was Monday morning or Friday morning, I

1195
01:14:34.240 --> 01:14:35.740
went to supernatural Saturday.

1196
01:14:36.620 --> 01:14:38.420
I was connected in this community.

1197
01:14:38.480 --> 01:14:39.940
This community was my church.

1198
01:14:40.940 --> 01:14:41.360
Okay.

1199
01:14:42.700 --> 01:14:46.960
So when people ask me, like, where do you go to church?

1200
01:14:48.240 --> 01:14:50.320
Like, well, I used to go here.

1201
01:14:50.360 --> 01:14:52.080
I'm kind of like in between.

1202
01:14:53.340 --> 01:14:59.160
You see how sometimes it's, we don't know where someone's walk is with the Lord

1203
01:14:59.160 --> 01:14:59.980
until we've spent.

1204
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.420
some time getting to know them. So again, it's going into this dating, you know,

1205
01:15:07.640 --> 01:15:12.620
discovery dating is, yeah, you're going to probably meet some in that don't have a strong

1206
01:15:12.620 --> 01:15:17.880
relationship with the Lord. But you don't have, you don't have to assess that right away. You're

1207
01:15:17.880 --> 01:15:23.900
just going on date number one and seeing if they're worth getting to know a little more.

1208
01:15:24.800 --> 01:15:30.340
And I, and I say that lightly, like everybody's worth getting to know, right. Okay. But do I want

1209
01:15:30.340 --> 01:15:35.580
to invest some time in this? Do I want to see what, you know, believe it or not, some of the

1210
01:15:35.580 --> 01:15:42.240
men that you're dating, you might go on one date for them, but God wanted you to go to go on that

1211
01:15:42.240 --> 01:15:47.920
date because he wanted to reveal something to you. It might just be one date that is a revelation

1212
01:15:47.920 --> 01:15:54.920
for you. And like, Oh, wow. Like that happened to me a few times. I was like, wow,

1213
01:15:55.680 --> 01:16:00.440
I learned this about myself because that's discovery dating too. Ladies is you learn a

1214
01:16:00.440 --> 01:16:07.000
lot about yourself. And so, and I also want to kind of just pinpoint, I know we're always like,

1215
01:16:07.020 --> 01:16:11.940
oh, I just want to go on Christian dating apps because I want a Christian y'all there's Christian

1216
01:16:11.940 --> 01:16:17.620
on non-Christian dating apps. Did I say that right? Christians on non-Christian dating apps

1217
01:16:18.100 --> 01:16:25.040
and there's non-Christians on Christian apps. You don't know until you spend some time getting to

1218
01:16:25.040 --> 01:16:29.960
know them. Okay. And we don't have to pass to, we don't have to make the decision. Is this someone

1219
01:16:29.960 --> 01:16:36.440
I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with? Alicia, I want to encourage you when you're talking to

1220
01:16:36.440 --> 01:16:41.140
these guys and you're getting to know them and deciding, okay, is, is a date, you know,

1221
01:16:41.140 --> 01:16:50.380
there, I want you to take the pressure off yourself that you have to determine whether or not

1222
01:16:51.600 --> 01:16:55.780
he's going to lead you well, spiritually in marriage.

1223
01:16:57.740 --> 01:17:02.260
I want to encourage you with that. I'll encourage all you ladies, ladies, you are in the get to

1224
01:17:02.260 --> 01:17:08.380
know you level two, when you're on dates, level one, level two. Okay. We don't have to decide

1225
01:17:08.380 --> 01:17:14.140
if they're marriage material right off the bat. Oftentimes it will take two or three dates.

1226
01:17:15.200 --> 01:17:19.880
It will, it'll take a couple of weeks of getting to know somebody before you say, okay,

1227
01:17:20.960 --> 01:17:25.960
couple of weeks in four or five dates in. Okay. I think this could, I really want to get to know

1228
01:17:25.960 --> 01:17:33.400
and see if this could be more romantic. Then you can start getting in those deeper conversations.

1229
01:17:34.120 --> 01:17:37.280
All right. So I want to encourage you. Don't feel like you have to jump out the gate.

1230
01:17:37.280 --> 01:17:41.440
All right. With I'm a charismatic Christian. You need to be charismatic too.

1231
01:17:44.240 --> 01:17:48.320
And also just, Hey, I want to see how this guy shows up in the fruits.

1232
01:17:48.900 --> 01:17:54.020
I want to see, does he have, does he have a teachable heart? Does he want to know the Lord

1233
01:17:54.020 --> 01:17:58.780
more? Maybe he doesn't have a path. Like maybe, maybe it was hurt in church, whatever. We don't

1234
01:17:58.780 --> 01:18:03.260
know because we don't know them. Right. They're still strangers. So I just want you to relieve

1235
01:18:03.260 --> 01:18:07.740
that pressure off. And I really want you to spend time with Holy spirit about this, um,

1236
01:18:09.700 --> 01:18:15.400
healing that's going to take place with your past marriage. I think there's some healing there.

1237
01:18:15.640 --> 01:18:22.260
Okay. And again, healing and forgiveness all comes in layers. All right. And we do the heartwork.

1238
01:18:23.140 --> 01:18:29.220
Okay. One indicator that we have gotten some healing is when we can bring up conversations

1239
01:18:29.220 --> 01:18:33.700
and past things, and we don't get emotional. All right. I still get emotional. Some things,

1240
01:18:34.040 --> 01:18:38.440
okay. Sometimes I'm better at it than others. And if I start sensing that I get a little bit

1241
01:18:38.440 --> 01:18:43.380
emotional, especially if it has to do with like my son's dad and his relationship with his dad,

1242
01:18:43.640 --> 01:18:48.920
there's a new, like revealing there sometimes that I'm like, I thought I did all the forgiveness.

1243
01:18:49.060 --> 01:18:54.560
Nope. There's just another layer, you know, and I got to work through this again. Okay.

1244
01:18:54.560 --> 01:19:02.480
So I just want that to be an encouragement. I love that you are purging some things and you're

1245
01:19:02.840 --> 01:19:09.480
making room. I had to do a lot of similar things. I wasn't married, but I had all the documentation

1246
01:19:09.480 --> 01:19:16.280
in the world. If my son's dad wanted to fight me for custody, I had all the documentation

1247
01:19:16.280 --> 01:19:19.520
in the world why he was, he didn't, he didn't need to have full custody of him.

1248
01:19:21.160 --> 01:19:28.800
Ladies, when I got into heartwork, God was like, throw him away. It took me a few months

1249
01:19:30.180 --> 01:19:34.920
and there was a lot of healing that went in that. Okay. So be gentle with yourself,

1250
01:19:35.060 --> 01:19:43.140
give yourself grace, do the baby steps, like you said. Okay. But just keep the course,

1251
01:19:43.540 --> 01:19:48.080
keep moving forward. You've got this. All right. All those other questions you have,

1252
01:19:48.080 --> 01:19:55.360
post them in the app. Okay. All right. I got, I'm five minutes over and I got four hands up.

1253
01:19:55.900 --> 01:19:59.680
How do we want to do this? Cause I want to get to as many as I can, but we can't stay on.

1254
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.640
much longer. I know there is lots of stuff in the chat. For some reason it was not going,

1255
01:20:06.800 --> 01:20:13.280
so now I'm scrolling through here. Yep, trying to balance between not interested in moving on

1256
01:20:13.280 --> 01:20:18.500
and being patient. Yep, there's balance there. It's a, again, and you might teeter-totter,

1257
01:20:18.900 --> 01:20:28.700
like give yourself grace there. Oh, yay, Stephanie, you were born in Fort Worth. I love it.

1258
01:20:28.700 --> 01:20:33.660
Yes, DFW. I never thought I was going to be a Texas girl, and here I am. The things God

1259
01:20:33.660 --> 01:20:39.160
does to you. That's one thing, too. God is, God will call you on your bluffs, I'll tell you that.

1260
01:20:40.160 --> 01:20:49.920
I wasn't going to move. Oh, Allah, I see you on. I have a phone number and an email for you of

1261
01:20:49.920 --> 01:20:55.800
some girls in Sarasota, some close friends of mine, for you to connect with. So I don't know

1262
01:20:55.800 --> 01:21:02.340
if you, are you able to jump in the chat? Can you actually, are you able to share your email

1263
01:21:02.460 --> 01:21:10.020
with me if you feel comfortable? Okay, and then I will get your email to those women.

1264
01:21:13.180 --> 01:21:16.540
And I know you're muted and you're not on, because I think you're probably at work. I know

1265
01:21:16.540 --> 01:21:21.620
sometimes you can't jump on. Okay, I'm trying to get through all of these things. Okay,

1266
01:21:21.620 --> 01:21:26.480
God protected, yep. Learning more about yourself. Good, I love that, Stephanie.

1267
01:21:27.260 --> 01:21:32.980
Get to know them and level two. Yes, yes, Audrey, keep telling yourself that. It's just the get to

1268
01:21:32.980 --> 01:21:38.200
know you. It's not the, is this man going to be the man I'm walking down the aisle to? Okay,

1269
01:21:38.660 --> 01:21:44.420
good, good, good. Okay, Preeti, you can sign off. Yeah, ladies, if any of you have to go,

1270
01:21:44.500 --> 01:21:48.760
because I know I'm over, feel free. You don't have to stick around. This all will be in replay,

1271
01:21:48.760 --> 01:21:57.320
if you want to capture it in replay, you can. Okay, Allah, I got your email here.

1272
01:21:58.600 --> 01:22:05.640
I'm going to connect you with my friend, Amanda. I have her email address,

1273
01:22:06.780 --> 01:22:16.600
and so I'll send that to you. And then my best friend, Sarah, she said to give you her phone

1274
01:22:16.600 --> 01:22:23.780
number. So if you want to reach out to her. So I will connect with you on that. So, ladies,

1275
01:22:26.140 --> 01:22:30.900
Allah came a couple weeks ago, I think it was a couple weeks ago. He's a single mama. All right.

1276
01:22:31.560 --> 01:22:36.780
And if you're a single mama, and this is even if you're not a single mama, it's important to have

1277
01:22:36.740 --> 01:22:41.320
community. All right. And it just so happens, Allah was feeling a little bit discouraged.

1278
01:22:42.400 --> 01:22:46.440
You know, like feel like she's got to do this all on her own. You know, she's got three kids.

1279
01:22:46.600 --> 01:22:51.520
And I was like, well, where's your community? Where do you live? Y'all? She lives where I used

1280
01:22:51.520 --> 01:22:57.860
to live. And I was a single mom. So I felt God was just really showing up there. So

1281
01:22:58.620 --> 01:23:05.400
it's important to have community. Okay, so we want definitely get yourself out there.

1282
01:23:07.220 --> 01:23:16.000
Okay. All right. So I got that. Okay, Alicia, if a guy stops chatting with you for several days,

1283
01:23:16.000 --> 01:23:20.600
is it appropriate to block them because they have gone with no? No, I wouldn't block them.

1284
01:23:21.540 --> 01:23:27.080
I mean, we only block people if they're like red flags. We don't know what's going on. Why? Why

1285
01:23:27.080 --> 01:23:32.540
maybe all of a sudden they they had something come up? You just never know. Maybe they did

1286
01:23:32.540 --> 01:23:38.620
decide just to get to know someone a little better. And they're trying to be respectful to

1287
01:23:38.620 --> 01:23:42.940
a girl that they're getting to know. And so maybe they're cutting off conversation with some people.

1288
01:23:43.620 --> 01:23:47.820
Okay, but then maybe that doesn't follow through. And then they circle back around.

1289
01:23:48.340 --> 01:23:52.900
So we want to block people unless they've done something like that needs to be blocked. Like

1290
01:23:52.900 --> 01:23:57.620
if they're wanting like, if they're sending those type of pictures, or they want to send pictures,

1291
01:23:57.740 --> 01:24:03.100
or they're making like sexual comments to you, or they're just showing some serious red flags. Yeah,

1292
01:24:03.100 --> 01:24:06.880
those are the ones that you block guys that are rude and mean and, you know, nasty. Yeah,

1293
01:24:06.880 --> 01:24:11.160
block them. But if you're talking and things are going pretty well, and then all of a sudden,

1294
01:24:11.160 --> 01:24:16.180
you just kind of don't hear from them. I don't think it's a I need to block them. It's okay.

1295
01:24:16.180 --> 01:24:23.680
Well, for whatever reason, they've removed themselves or God removed them. Or it's just

1296
01:24:23.680 --> 01:24:27.480
on pause. And it's something that's going to go on the back burner. But maybe it's gonna heat back

1297
01:24:27.480 --> 01:24:34.980
up again. I don't know. All right. So I would say let's not let's not get blockety block, block,

1298
01:24:34.980 --> 01:24:43.640
block. Does that make sense? Like we don't, we we save the blessing block for those really necessary

1299
01:24:43.640 --> 01:24:50.920
red flags. They're wanting to talk about sex. They're, you know, wanting to know all your all

1300
01:24:50.920 --> 01:24:56.240
your sex details and all your past relationship that they're just crossing boundaries, y'all.

1301
01:24:56.740 --> 01:24:59.980
Okay. If they say something and you put

1302
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.500
a boundary and then they don't like respect your boundary, that's a block. Okay, they're talking

1303
01:25:06.500 --> 01:25:10.200
about sex, that's a block. You don't even need to tell them that you're blocking them, you just

1304
01:25:10.540 --> 01:25:18.980
block them. Okay, sound good? All right. Okay, I've got Patty. Patty, Patty, Patty, I'm gonna,

1305
01:25:19.220 --> 01:25:28.780
can we be short, brief, and powerful? I will do my best. Okay. So I am visiting different churches

1306
01:25:28.780 --> 01:25:34.120
now. I was involved in a church for a long time, very active, and now I'm visiting different

1307
01:25:34.120 --> 01:25:42.380
churches. And one of them, it turns out that they have a singles group and it's for, I think it's

1308
01:25:42.380 --> 01:25:52.820
30 to 55. So I am 53, just sneaking in there, and I wanted to hear any tips that you would have

1309
01:25:52.820 --> 01:26:01.400
for someone who is on the older side and has had experience with people being like, oh,

1310
01:26:01.620 --> 01:26:09.780
you know, where, you know, chronologically I could be their mother. What comes up in my spirit is

1311
01:26:10.460 --> 01:26:15.200
these single groups is really, really good for just building community and getting to know people,

1312
01:26:16.260 --> 01:26:19.800
getting yourself out of a comfort zone, getting to know people. Because here's the thing,

1313
01:26:19.800 --> 01:26:25.900
there might be one of those 30 year olds that maybe they do have an uncle that's your age,

1314
01:26:27.180 --> 01:26:34.580
and they're connected to your spirit mate. Okay. Okay. So I want, ladies, I want you to keep that

1315
01:26:34.580 --> 01:26:44.280
in mind and keep that open. You don't know who God's bringing in your life to bring you your

1316
01:26:44.560 --> 01:26:51.540
spirit mate. You just don't. And so get yourself out in community. I love that your church has,

1317
01:26:51.640 --> 01:26:57.160
you know, a singles group for that age group. You know, most churches when I was like, you know,

1318
01:26:57.160 --> 01:27:01.220
when I was living in Sarasota, I mean, most of the churches that like had young adult groups,

1319
01:27:01.280 --> 01:27:07.120
because again, I was in this like 30, I was in my mid thirties. Okay. I had a kid,

1320
01:27:07.140 --> 01:27:10.880
was never married. So that was already a whole nother thing. Like, okay, people are going to

1321
01:27:11.100 --> 01:27:17.120
judge me. Right. But they had the young adults group and you know what? They would put young

1322
01:27:17.800 --> 01:27:26.760
adults, 18 to like 35. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I do not mesh with these 18 year olds. Like I am

1323
01:27:26.760 --> 01:27:32.340
in a different season of life. Like what are you talking about? All right. And so I'd be like, man,

1324
01:27:32.340 --> 01:27:38.120
like, can I just not be with like the out of high school and the college age kids? Cause I'm like,

1325
01:27:38.120 --> 01:27:43.260
not there. All right. I need someone else in my category here. And so I love that this church

1326
01:27:43.260 --> 01:27:48.180
has a single group for, you know, your thirties, your forties and fifties. Okay. That's, that's

1327
01:27:48.180 --> 01:27:54.120
where most of us are navigating, right? That's, that's a lot of the single generation, right?

1328
01:27:54.720 --> 01:27:58.540
People in their twenties now, not always thinking about marriage. I mean, not that there aren't,

1329
01:27:58.700 --> 01:28:03.700
okay. So there might be some women here on here that are 20 and they are, that's great. You know,

1330
01:28:03.700 --> 01:28:11.460
I love that. I think we need to, to bring that back. Honestly, you know, we got into this like

1331
01:28:12.780 --> 01:28:17.040
society where it's like, Oh, I got to build my career. I got to do all that kind of stuff. And

1332
01:28:17.040 --> 01:28:24.340
then, you know, whatnot, but I love that. So just go into it, get to know people like,

1333
01:28:24.740 --> 01:28:31.660
you know, let your authentic self shine, you know, practice just, you know, getting to know people,

1334
01:28:32.800 --> 01:28:39.520
making connections, go out, have fun, be on the look. I mean, look out, look out for people that

1335
01:28:39.520 --> 01:28:43.800
you might think are a good match for them. And, you know, cause this is one thing that

1336
01:28:43.800 --> 01:28:47.440
Jackie will often say, what you make happen for others, God will make happen for you.

1337
01:28:49.300 --> 01:28:56.220
So be matchmaker for somebody else, right? Get to know people. And then you get to know people.

1338
01:28:56.220 --> 01:29:02.600
If you know anybody that's my age and is lover, a lover of Jesus and is open to marriage,

1339
01:29:02.780 --> 01:29:06.460
like introduce them. And they're going to know who you are because you're doing life with them.

1340
01:29:06.860 --> 01:29:10.480
They're going to see your joyful spirit, your kind heartedness. They're going to,

1341
01:29:10.980 --> 01:29:13.880
and they're going to be able to go to some be like, Oh my goodness. Patty

1342
01:29:14.460 --> 01:29:21.100
is this wonderful woman of faith. She's got the smile that's contagious and will bring joy to a

1343
01:29:21.280 --> 01:29:28.000
And I think you are going to match with her perfectly because they know you.

1344
01:29:29.560 --> 01:29:35.720
Okay. So that would be my, my, my wisdom on that is just use this for an opportunity to

1345
01:29:35.720 --> 01:29:40.080
get to know somebody. All right. So Laurie, okay. You're going to process tonight. Awesome.

1346
01:29:40.560 --> 01:29:45.420
Don't also, if you want to even post in the app because, or, and I can even watch the replay as

1347
01:29:45.240 --> 01:29:49.900
well. And if you want me to chime in as well and have both me and Ebony kind of giving you

1348
01:29:49.900 --> 01:29:54.700
wisdom for, we're able to do that. You're, you're so welcome, Patty. All right. I got Audrey and

1349
01:29:54.700 --> 01:29:59.160
Caitlin, so we can short, brief and powerful. Let's let's get it done. Caitlin. It is so good

1350
01:29:59.160 --> 01:29:59.980
to see you. It's been a

1351
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.660
been it. All right, Audrey, I'm gonna let you go. And then I got

1352
01:30:03.660 --> 01:30:06.980
my girl, Caitlin. I'm going to extend it a little bit. Okay.

1353
01:30:07.660 --> 01:30:12.000
Thank you so much. Hey, okay, short, brief and powerful. So,

1354
01:30:12.840 --> 01:30:16.360
um, yeah, so I just got on a dating app. This is my first

1355
01:30:16.360 --> 01:30:20.960
time being on the dating app. I'm on salt. That one stood out

1356
01:30:20.960 --> 01:30:24.520
to me. And I've just been slowly just learning it, looking

1357
01:30:24.540 --> 01:30:27.520
through it, you know, I'm taking my time, some people have

1358
01:30:27.520 --> 01:30:29.500
reached out, I just haven't messaged back because I haven't

1359
01:30:29.500 --> 01:30:33.680
felt led. Okay, but this one guy, this one guy reached out.

1360
01:30:34.160 --> 01:30:36.660
And I have been chatting with him. It's only been two or three

1361
01:30:36.520 --> 01:30:43.000
days. But he's from Ireland. He's from Ireland. So I'm just

1362
01:30:43.060 --> 01:30:45.860
like, yeah, you know, but it's cool. You know, I'm making a

1363
01:30:46.020 --> 01:30:51.960
connection. We have a lot in common, like he's a counselor in

1364
01:30:51.960 --> 01:30:55.020
Ireland, my background is in counseling. So we've just been

1365
01:30:55.020 --> 01:30:58.480
chatting through voice memos about that. He has a really

1366
01:30:58.480 --> 01:31:01.260
great voice. And I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I love your voice. But

1367
01:31:01.260 --> 01:31:04.140
I'm trying to like, you know, hey, like, when are we gonna

1368
01:31:04.140 --> 01:31:06.080
have a video chat? Like, how are we gonna

1369
01:31:06.080 --> 01:31:07.900
Okay, good. So you're dropping that? Because that was my

1370
01:31:07.900 --> 01:31:09.780
question is like, can we get a video chat?

1371
01:31:10.040 --> 01:31:12.600
Yeah, so I haven't. It's only been like two or three days. So

1372
01:31:12.600 --> 01:31:15.820
I haven't initiated a video chat. So I was gonna give it

1373
01:31:15.820 --> 01:31:19.260
like a week to see if he mentioned a video chat. But I'm

1374
01:31:19.260 --> 01:31:23.840
also like aware that I can just mention it. Just mention it.

1375
01:31:23.920 --> 01:31:27.780
Okay. He's in Ireland. Like, what I'm hearing you say is

1376
01:31:27.780 --> 01:31:31.620
like, Oh, I like his voice. We're making connection. We

1377
01:31:31.620 --> 01:31:35.300
don't want to get so ahead. And then like weeks down the road

1378
01:31:35.300 --> 01:31:38.600
that that video chat didn't happen. No, let's let's get

1379
01:31:38.600 --> 01:31:42.300
those video chat, especially long distance girls. If you're

1380
01:31:42.300 --> 01:31:44.620
talking to somebody that's long distance. I mean, this guy is

1381
01:31:44.620 --> 01:31:48.320
across the ocean. Okay, where are you at? Audrey? Where do you

1382
01:31:48.320 --> 01:31:53.680
live? I'm in Georgia. Okay. Yeah. So that's I mean, I mean, at

1383
01:31:53.680 --> 01:31:55.820
least you got the Atlanta. Are you close to Atlanta?

1384
01:31:56.460 --> 01:31:59.580
I'm like three hours from Atlanta. So yeah, I'm

1385
01:31:59.580 --> 01:32:01.780
sensitive. Like what kind of international airport

1386
01:32:01.780 --> 01:32:05.720
connection? Can you get your Atlanta? Yeah, that's what I'm

1387
01:32:05.720 --> 01:32:07.560
saying. So you're driving three hours just to get to the

1388
01:32:07.560 --> 01:32:07.780
airport.

1389
01:32:10.260 --> 01:32:13.780
Yeah, just get the video chat. And here's another thing,

1390
01:32:13.900 --> 01:32:16.220
ladies, when you're doing the long distance, you're gonna have

1391
01:32:16.300 --> 01:32:20.080
to get you're gonna have to put this out there a lot sooner. I

1392
01:32:20.080 --> 01:32:23.660
wouldn't do this with anybody that's local. But you're gonna

1393
01:32:23.660 --> 01:32:26.680
have to have the conversation of what does this look like if

1394
01:32:26.680 --> 01:32:30.120
we continue to keep talking and keep getting to know each other

1395
01:32:30.380 --> 01:32:35.080
like I I'm on these apps because I want to date in real life. And

1396
01:32:35.080 --> 01:32:38.840
the reality is you're in Ireland and I'm in Georgia. What's this

1397
01:32:38.840 --> 01:32:42.120
look like? What's the reality? Okay.

1398
01:32:42.620 --> 01:32:45.640
Yes, because that's what I was thinking too. So I'm definitely

1399
01:32:45.640 --> 01:32:49.500
gonna do that. And then isn't there like a like so say things

1400
01:32:49.500 --> 01:32:52.080
are progressing and we talk about what this actually looks

1401
01:32:52.080 --> 01:32:55.740
like and start implementing it? Is the time? Did you guys do

1402
01:32:55.740 --> 01:32:58.840
you guys say the timeline is like two months meet in person

1403
01:32:59.140 --> 01:32:59.620
international?

1404
01:32:59.960 --> 01:33:04.080
Yeah, Jackie encourages within three weeks to three weeks, six

1405
01:33:04.080 --> 01:33:06.340
weeks. But here's the thing is you've got international stuff

1406
01:33:06.340 --> 01:33:09.060
that's gonna be let's look a little different. You're gonna

1407
01:33:09.060 --> 01:33:12.080
want to your long distance is going to include a lot of

1408
01:33:12.680 --> 01:33:16.500
FaceTime. Yes, a lot, especially if it's international, because

1409
01:33:16.500 --> 01:33:19.560
it's not like you can just jump on a plane and hop country.

1410
01:33:19.560 --> 01:33:25.040
Okay. Even, even when my husband and I like I was in Florida, he

1411
01:33:25.040 --> 01:33:33.060
was in Dallas. I think the law like, we would typically try to

1412
01:33:33.060 --> 01:33:37.340
fly back and forth. Every four to six weeks, I think six weeks

1413
01:33:37.340 --> 01:33:41.280
was kind of the longest that we waited and it was it's hard. And

1414
01:33:41.280 --> 01:33:44.820
so we had like it was a lot of phone conversations, a lot of

1415
01:33:45.720 --> 01:33:48.520
FaceTimes and things like that. I mean, long distance

1416
01:33:48.520 --> 01:33:51.460
relationships will look different. But yeah, you don't

1417
01:33:51.460 --> 01:33:56.140
want to start catching feelings for someone, you know, two

1418
01:33:56.140 --> 01:33:58.740
months in that you've never met in person and you meet them in

1419
01:33:58.740 --> 01:34:04.060
person and you're like, Whoa, this doesn't translate. Okay,

1420
01:34:04.920 --> 01:34:08.700
that's like, yeah, I mean, me and my husband, we were talking

1421
01:34:10.900 --> 01:34:14.240
for three weeks, I think it was exactly three weeks and then he

1422
01:34:14.240 --> 01:34:18.520
came to Florida and we met in person. Okay, so yeah, three,

1423
01:34:19.240 --> 01:34:22.800
three, no more than six weeks. Usually, again, your situation

1424
01:34:22.800 --> 01:34:24.620
might be a little different because we got some

1425
01:34:24.620 --> 01:34:30.380
international stuff going on. But yeah, I get that video call.

1426
01:34:30.840 --> 01:34:33.320
Don't ladies don't take don't hesitate. I mean, if you've

1427
01:34:33.320 --> 01:34:36.560
gotten I say it doesn't have to be a full week. If you had a

1428
01:34:36.560 --> 01:34:41.600
couple exchanges, like two, three, like back and forth for

1429
01:34:41.600 --> 01:34:45.220
a day or two, and it's meshing and it's vibing and you're like,

1430
01:34:45.220 --> 01:34:49.200
Okay, this person can hold a conversation to say, Hey, why

1431
01:34:49.200 --> 01:34:53.840
don't we why don't we do this on video? You know, don't don't be

1432
01:34:53.840 --> 01:34:56.880
afraid. Don't be afraid to do that. Don't. And don't wait for

1433
01:34:56.880 --> 01:34:59.980
the men to do it. Okay, because, again, we want to especially

1434
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.380
when we're long distance, because those will be that will

1435
01:35:03.380 --> 01:35:07.060
be a red flag is if you drop the video date chat, and then they

1436
01:35:07.340 --> 01:35:12.060
kind of, you know, keep going around it. And I don't Yeah.

1437
01:35:13.120 --> 01:35:15.860
Well, ladies, I mean, I sometimes they're like, Oh, I

1438
01:35:15.860 --> 01:35:19.900
can't whatever I mean, again, is he gonna Oh, well, I'm, you

1439
01:35:19.900 --> 01:35:22.740
know, in a different country, I don't have access to that. Well,

1440
01:35:23.380 --> 01:35:26.560
I'm, I don't know how it is in Ireland, but I'm sure people can

1441
01:35:26.560 --> 01:35:30.260
access zoom, all sorts of stuff. Okay. There's there's

1442
01:35:30.260 --> 01:35:33.080
ways of researching that too. So that's why get that out of the

1443
01:35:33.080 --> 01:35:36.400
way before you start catching feelings and enjoying talking

1444
01:35:36.400 --> 01:35:39.940
to them every day, or messaging and stuff like that. Like, we

1445
01:35:39.980 --> 01:35:47.240
don't Yeah, yeah. Ireland has zoom. Thank you. Thank you,

1446
01:35:48.420 --> 01:35:52.760
girl. So yeah, and then keep us posted. Let us know you know how

1447
01:35:52.760 --> 01:35:55.300
things are going. Okay, ladies, don't be afraid to post in the

1448
01:35:55.880 --> 01:35:59.720
All right, Caitlin, give us a quick update. Short, brief and

1449
01:35:59.540 --> 01:36:03.940
powerful. How have you been? It's hi. Yeah, I jumped out of

1450
01:36:03.940 --> 01:36:09.940
the program. And then I jumped back in recently. So yeah, it's

1451
01:36:09.940 --> 01:36:14.820
good to be back. I felt like I'm in a season of trying to take

1452
01:36:14.820 --> 01:36:18.780
care of myself and pour into myself. And then date. But

1453
01:36:18.780 --> 01:36:22.960
anyway, so I'm not super actively dating. But I do have a

1454
01:36:23.500 --> 01:36:28.080
situation with so a friend of mine set me up with a guy from

1455
01:36:28.080 --> 01:36:35.220
her church. Back, he she gave him my number back in like late

1456
01:36:35.220 --> 01:36:40.380
June. And then he reached out to me a couple weeks later. Okay.

1457
01:36:40.900 --> 01:36:45.020
With a kind of a thoughtful message saying he'd love to get

1458
01:36:45.020 --> 01:36:49.740
together and then I then so basically, we had one date in

1459
01:36:49.740 --> 01:36:54.860
July. Okay, that went really, it was a lot of fun, like just a

1460
01:36:54.860 --> 01:36:57.640
ton of connection. It was like a lot of chemistry, I think. And

1461
01:36:57.640 --> 01:37:01.460
not just physical, but we really just like, laughed a lot, just

1462
01:37:01.460 --> 01:37:04.580
hit it off. Our personalities really connected. Yeah, you had

1463
01:37:04.580 --> 01:37:10.200
good. Yeah, I love it. And so I was like, you know, I was kind

1464
01:37:10.200 --> 01:37:13.460
of encouraged. But also, you know, I've had experiences where

1465
01:37:13.460 --> 01:37:16.740
I really hit it off with somebody. And then maybe I'm

1466
01:37:16.740 --> 01:37:19.200
attracted to I think I'm attracted to the avoidant guys

1467
01:37:19.200 --> 01:37:22.620
sometimes, which is what I'm kind of getting from this guy.

1468
01:37:22.900 --> 01:37:26.460
So basically, after our first date, he went on a road trip

1469
01:37:26.460 --> 01:37:30.080
for a couple weeks. Okay. And he did text me after the first

1470
01:37:30.080 --> 01:37:33.720
date saying he had a he enjoyed getting to know me. But he

1471
01:37:33.720 --> 01:37:36.960
didn't like set up a time for the next date. He but he like

1472
01:37:36.960 --> 01:37:39.660
sent me a song that he had talked about blah, blah, blah.

1473
01:37:39.800 --> 01:37:42.240
Okay, then he went on his road trip. I didn't really hear from

1474
01:37:42.160 --> 01:37:45.500
him. And I was just like, Okay, well, I won't worry about it. We

1475
01:37:45.500 --> 01:37:49.180
only went out once. So he's on a road trip. But then it was like

1476
01:37:49.180 --> 01:37:53.240
two weeks. And so I texted him and was just like, Hey, Willam,

1477
01:37:53.280 --> 01:37:55.760
I had a just want to let you know I had a really fun time

1478
01:37:55.760 --> 01:37:59.120
with you and curious if you are interested in getting together

1479
01:37:59.160 --> 01:38:03.180
again, zero pressure. But just thought I'd ask kind of thing.

1480
01:38:03.620 --> 01:38:07.340
Okay, and then he messaged me back like the next day and said,

1481
01:38:07.440 --> 01:38:11.220
Oh, I just got back. Perfect. Good timing, blah, blah, blah.

1482
01:38:11.420 --> 01:38:17.540
I'll message you tomorrow. And then he did. Like message later,

1483
01:38:17.540 --> 01:38:21.680
he's just really slow. And like, there's not a lot of

1484
01:38:21.680 --> 01:38:25.040
momentum, but we didn't nail down another date and went to

1485
01:38:25.040 --> 01:38:28.180
breakfast. Like, okay. And again, we had just a lot of

1486
01:38:28.360 --> 01:38:33.340
connection. laughter. I was just really, I felt like there was a

1487
01:38:33.340 --> 01:38:37.660
lot of mutual enjoying each other's company. Yeah. Um, and

1488
01:38:37.660 --> 01:38:41.600
then speaking of Ireland, I went to Ireland for two weeks, like a

1489
01:38:41.600 --> 01:38:46.760
couple days after he and I went on a breakfast date and

1490
01:38:46.760 --> 01:38:50.400
but he messaged me after the breakfast date saying he

1491
01:38:50.400 --> 01:38:53.760
enjoyed seeing me and sent me some like thoughtful message

1492
01:38:54.340 --> 01:38:57.580
about, okay, you sent a picture that looked like Ireland and

1493
01:38:57.580 --> 01:39:01.960
like sent some message saying, Okay, and so like, okay, like,

1494
01:39:02.100 --> 01:39:04.620
and then I messaged him back saying I had a great time with

1495
01:39:04.620 --> 01:39:10.200
him and I enjoyed his company. And blah, blah, blah. Yeah, like

1496
01:39:10.200 --> 01:39:13.300
and I asked him like, Oh, is that Tacoma? I asked him a

1497
01:39:13.300 --> 01:39:17.420
question in that message. And then he didn't reply to that.

1498
01:39:18.360 --> 01:39:22.420
Which Okay, whatever, I went on my trip. But I didn't hear from

1499
01:39:22.420 --> 01:39:27.060
him at all. Okay. And so like a week and a half into my trip, I

1500
01:39:27.060 --> 01:39:33.760
sent him like two, two pictures from my trip. And like, just

1501
01:39:34.080 --> 01:39:37.240
like, here's a couple shots from Ireland hope Seattle's treating

1502
01:39:37.240 --> 01:39:43.240
you well, or whatever. And he sent me a message backs, like

1503
01:39:43.240 --> 01:39:46.480
I know they look so iconic, but he didn't ask me any questions.

1504
01:39:47.720 --> 01:39:52.920
So I was like, Okay, huh? Like, and then like, a week and a

1505
01:39:52.920 --> 01:39:57.420
half after I got I just kind of like and I heard I heard it his

1506
01:39:57.660 --> 01:39:59.880
response. And then like, a week and a half later

1507
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.800
after I got back, like over a week after I got back,

1508
01:40:04.100 --> 01:40:06.820
this is like four days ago, he texted me like,

1509
01:40:07.040 --> 01:40:08.160
I was on a hiking trip.

1510
01:40:08.280 --> 01:40:10.040
He was like, have your legs recovered yet?

1511
01:40:12.520 --> 01:40:14.400
So he was just kind of slow

1512
01:40:14.400 --> 01:40:17.320
with the kind of getting back and forth, like.

1513
01:40:17.720 --> 01:40:20.160
Yeah, super slow and not much momentum,

1514
01:40:20.420 --> 01:40:22.800
not like, oh, when, let me set up a date.

1515
01:40:22.800 --> 01:40:23.840
So you guys have a mutual friend, yes?

1516
01:40:25.520 --> 01:40:27.760
Well, my friend Devin doesn't really know him.

1517
01:40:27.760 --> 01:40:32.140
She just noticed him and he spoke at church

1518
01:40:32.140 --> 01:40:34.240
and she liked, she enjoyed him.

1519
01:40:34.580 --> 01:40:36.680
She thought he was a thoughtful person.

1520
01:40:37.200 --> 01:40:39.500
He like spoke about his work at church.

1521
01:40:39.840 --> 01:40:43.400
So she, yeah, she kind of took a risk and reached out.

1522
01:40:43.500 --> 01:40:45.500
It was like, hey, what do you think about this guy?

1523
01:40:45.520 --> 01:40:46.440
Doesn't really know him.

1524
01:40:46.440 --> 01:40:48.940
Okay, cause that was gonna be my next question is like,

1525
01:40:48.940 --> 01:40:52.760
let's get some, let's, you know, just ask your friend.

1526
01:40:52.820 --> 01:40:54.380
So what else do you know about him?

1527
01:40:54.420 --> 01:40:55.720
Okay, we're not looking for dirt,

1528
01:40:55.760 --> 01:40:57.540
but if she doesn't really know him well,

1529
01:40:57.540 --> 01:40:58.780
okay, like we can't do that.

1530
01:40:59.300 --> 01:40:59.300


1531
01:41:02.460 --> 01:41:04.660
Yeah, when you were talking though,

1532
01:41:04.680 --> 01:41:05.940
and it was really interesting

1533
01:41:05.940 --> 01:41:09.600
because I was on social media this morning

1534
01:41:10.560 --> 01:41:12.760
and have you, do you have Facebook?

1535
01:41:14.040 --> 01:41:14.880
I do, yeah.

1536
01:41:14.900 --> 01:41:17.160
Do you follow Jackie on Facebook or Instagram?

1537
01:41:17.880 --> 01:41:19.260
I do, yeah.

1538
01:41:19.540 --> 01:41:21.720
Okay, did you happen to see what she posted today?

1539
01:41:22.160 --> 01:41:22.640
No.

1540
01:41:22.900 --> 01:41:24.280
Okay, go look at it

1541
01:41:24.280 --> 01:41:26.320
cause it's about avoidant attachment.

1542
01:41:27.000 --> 01:41:27.260
Okay.

1543
01:41:27.660 --> 01:41:31.300
So that might, I just felt like, oh, it's so timely.

1544
01:41:31.500 --> 01:41:33.640
Like I just happened to look at it.

1545
01:41:33.640 --> 01:41:34.120
Yeah.

1546
01:41:34.120 --> 01:41:35.560
Like read through it a little bit.

1547
01:41:35.560 --> 01:41:37.240
And then you said that I'm like, okay,

1548
01:41:37.240 --> 01:41:39.720
maybe there's something there for you to look at.

1549
01:41:39.800 --> 01:41:44.800
I heard you say you're typically attracted to avoid it.

1550
01:41:44.900 --> 01:41:47.160
I've noticed that's happened in the past.

1551
01:41:47.380 --> 01:41:49.460
Well, yeah, let's, again, let's,

1552
01:41:49.760 --> 01:41:53.680
is Holy Spirit bringing an opportunity to the surface

1553
01:41:54.280 --> 01:41:58.900
for us to kind of, you know, investigate a little more

1554
01:41:59.120 --> 01:42:00.580
and look at it a little more.

1555
01:42:00.860 --> 01:42:02.160
That's always a possibility.

1556
01:42:02.820 --> 01:42:05.780
You know, what patterns are you seeing?

1557
01:42:06.060 --> 01:42:07.300
What beliefs are you aligning?

1558
01:42:08.120 --> 01:42:08.660
Okay.

1559
01:42:08.780 --> 01:42:10.240
Cause if you believe something

1560
01:42:10.240 --> 01:42:12.540
and that's what you're attracted to and attracting,

1561
01:42:13.360 --> 01:42:15.720
is there something that you're believing,

1562
01:42:15.800 --> 01:42:17.780
a little fox that's in that little garden

1563
01:42:17.780 --> 01:42:20.100
that we need to kind of scoot on out.

1564
01:42:20.100 --> 01:42:24.020
So I want to encourage you to spend time with that.

1565
01:42:26.960 --> 01:42:30.880
And it's, I'm sensing like you are doing a lot more

1566
01:42:30.880 --> 01:42:33.660
of the reaching out that he is doing for you.

1567
01:42:33.700 --> 01:42:35.320
It feels that way.

1568
01:42:35.360 --> 01:42:38.080
So I'm trying not to, but I'm like.

1569
01:42:38.080 --> 01:42:41.920
Yeah, I think at this point, like just,

1570
01:42:42.220 --> 01:42:43.460
cause you've been on two dates.

1571
01:42:43.460 --> 01:42:45.740
This has been since July, right?

1572
01:42:45.740 --> 01:42:47.680
So it's July, August, it's been two months.

1573
01:42:47.720 --> 01:42:48.740
Okay, you've been on two dates.

1574
01:42:48.740 --> 01:42:51.260
You're averaging one date a month, which is not bad, ladies.

1575
01:42:51.440 --> 01:42:52.800
One date a month is not a bad thing,

1576
01:42:52.880 --> 01:42:54.920
especially if you have a busy life, okay?

1577
01:42:54.920 --> 01:42:57.000
Other people have busy lives, you have busy life, okay?

1578
01:42:57.740 --> 01:43:01.020
I think you wait for him to reach out to you.

1579
01:43:01.180 --> 01:43:02.900
And then if he reaches out to you,

1580
01:43:03.060 --> 01:43:07.860
I think at this stage, two months in and two dates, okay?

1581
01:43:08.620 --> 01:43:11.500
Ladies, if you've been on two dates in a week with somebody,

1582
01:43:11.560 --> 01:43:12.880
I would not encourage you to doing this.

1583
01:43:12.940 --> 01:43:14.360
I wouldn't even encourage you to do this

1584
01:43:14.360 --> 01:43:17.140
if you've been on two dates in two weeks, okay?

1585
01:43:17.660 --> 01:43:20.240
I think with this, we're gonna sit back.

1586
01:43:20.460 --> 01:43:24.340
We're gonna let him kind of lead the next initiation.

1587
01:43:25.080 --> 01:43:25.440
Yeah.

1588
01:43:25.880 --> 01:43:26.320
The next connection.

1589
01:43:26.480 --> 01:43:27.840
Like, when is he gonna connect with you?

1590
01:43:28.280 --> 01:43:30.620
And I think you need to say, hey, you know,

1591
01:43:31.060 --> 01:43:35.260
I'm curious, like, how do I wanna word this?

1592
01:43:35.820 --> 01:43:37.980
I wanna make sure I'm giving you good wording, okay?

1593
01:43:42.820 --> 01:43:44.120
Well, let me put it this way.

1594
01:43:44.120 --> 01:43:48.600
You are in a season where you wanna date in real life, okay?

1595
01:43:48.600 --> 01:43:49.880
We're not trying to do pen pals.

1596
01:43:50.040 --> 01:43:52.100
We're not trying to be like, oh, when it's convenient, right?

1597
01:43:52.480 --> 01:43:55.320
Like, you're in a season of your life

1598
01:43:55.320 --> 01:43:58.120
where you actually want to invest some time in dating,

1599
01:43:58.200 --> 01:43:58.600
correct?

1600
01:43:59.180 --> 01:44:00.980
Do you feel like, because like you said,

1601
01:44:01.000 --> 01:44:02.480
you were out of the program for a minute

1602
01:44:02.480 --> 01:44:03.940
and then you felt led to do that.

1603
01:44:04.040 --> 01:44:07.240
So I'm assuming, okay, now correct me if I'm wrong,

1604
01:44:07.640 --> 01:44:09.320
that you're now in a place where you're like,

1605
01:44:09.340 --> 01:44:12.340
okay, I'm ready to be intentional with my time here.

1606
01:44:12.340 --> 01:44:13.860
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

1607
01:44:13.860 --> 01:44:17.040
And so I would just kind of, again,

1608
01:44:17.340 --> 01:44:19.240
pray about how to word it.

1609
01:44:19.420 --> 01:44:21.340
And I'll be thinking about how to word this.

1610
01:44:21.560 --> 01:44:23.620
And if, you know, you make a post

1611
01:44:24.700 --> 01:44:27.780
and I can always add some more feedback here,

1612
01:44:28.020 --> 01:44:30.960
but like how to put it out there, like,

1613
01:44:31.140 --> 01:44:33.960
hey, where are you at right now in this season?

1614
01:44:34.540 --> 01:44:34.980
Yeah.

1615
01:44:34.980 --> 01:44:37.360
Are you, sorry, I got like a little fly flying around here.

1616
01:44:37.360 --> 01:44:37.840
Yeah.

1617
01:44:38.320 --> 01:44:42.040
Are you in a season where you're open

1618
01:44:42.040 --> 01:44:43.440
to getting to know someone?

1619
01:44:44.200 --> 01:44:44.700
Yeah.

1620
01:44:45.240 --> 01:44:46.940
And to intentionally date?

1621
01:44:47.280 --> 01:44:47.960
Right, right.

1622
01:44:48.740 --> 01:44:52.300
Like maybe he's just in a season of his life where he's not,

1623
01:44:52.420 --> 01:44:54.080
or maybe he is avoiding it.

1624
01:44:54.100 --> 01:44:55.600
Yeah, that's kind of almost my gut.

1625
01:44:55.760 --> 01:44:57.460
Like when I was praying about it,

1626
01:44:57.460 --> 01:44:58.540
even in the very beginning,

1627
01:44:58.860 --> 01:44:59.980
I sort of got this.

1628
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:03.860
sense of like, he's not ready. Like, he's so

1629
01:45:03.860 --> 01:45:08.520
and ladies, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's not a

1630
01:45:08.520 --> 01:45:13.100
potential like this, there's a circle moment here, right? And

1631
01:45:13.100 --> 01:45:16.700
we don't have to get attached to the outcome in the time in the

1632
01:45:16.700 --> 01:45:23.400
the timeline, if you will, okay, it's a, we can put things on

1633
01:45:23.400 --> 01:45:26.200
pause and like give someone their time while we're still

1634
01:45:26.200 --> 01:45:31.680
doing our life, getting to know people. And if four months down

1635
01:45:31.680 --> 01:45:35.280
the road, let's say, that person circles back around, maybe

1636
01:45:35.280 --> 01:45:37.700
you're at the grocery store, and you run into them, and maybe

1637
01:45:38.500 --> 01:45:42.580
then they're in a different season of life. So we're not

1638
01:45:42.580 --> 01:45:47.020
cutting things off. Yeah, we're just letting things go with the

1639
01:45:47.020 --> 01:45:52.000
flow here. All right. And and maybe this is just an

1640
01:45:52.000 --> 01:45:55.680
opportunity for you to spend more time with, you know, the

1641
01:45:55.680 --> 01:46:01.360
invitation of looking at the attraction of avoidance. Yeah,

1642
01:46:01.500 --> 01:46:05.860
like, who knows? Okay, so I wouldn't, let's not get so like

1643
01:46:05.860 --> 01:46:11.280
caught up in the the outcome, or, but more of Okay, what's

1644
01:46:11.280 --> 01:46:20.520
God trying to show and do for me? Yeah, yeah. So yeah. It does.

1645
01:46:20.560 --> 01:46:24.680
And I feel like also I just even noticed in myself that I'm aware

1646
01:46:24.680 --> 01:46:30.780
of the dynamic much more than in previous times. But one little

1647
01:46:30.780 --> 01:46:36.600
tiny thing, last thing is, it's hard for me. I'm 38. And I've

1648
01:46:36.600 --> 01:46:40.400
always wanted my own kids. And so I'm noticing that dating's

1649
01:46:41.280 --> 01:46:43.600
harder and harder, like I get more and more attached to the

1650
01:46:44.140 --> 01:46:48.680
outcome than ever before. And like, how do you just not do

1651
01:46:48.680 --> 01:46:53.320
that? It's so hard, because I have this like, yeah, desire. I

1652
01:46:53.320 --> 01:46:56.120
have this magic wand. I say do this. And that doesn't happen.

1653
01:46:56.220 --> 01:47:00.360
Okay. Yeah, I was when I joined this program. I was 37. Okay.

1654
01:47:00.360 --> 01:47:04.840
Now I did have a child, but I did want more children. Yeah,

1655
01:47:04.840 --> 01:47:09.340
that was tricky. It was tricky to date because, you know, I

1656
01:47:09.420 --> 01:47:14.520
didn't, I wanted more children. And so that is one of those

1657
01:47:14.660 --> 01:47:17.680
conversations. Like you don't have those conversations right

1658
01:47:17.680 --> 01:47:21.280
out the gate. Okay, ladies. But you feel this urgency because

1659
01:47:21.280 --> 01:47:25.380
believe it or not, women have the biological clock men can

1660
01:47:25.380 --> 01:47:28.820
have children when they're 5060 years old us women, we can't

1661
01:47:28.680 --> 01:47:34.540
necessarily, but God can do some great crazy things. Okay. It's,

1662
01:47:35.400 --> 01:47:37.300
I wish like I said, I wish there was something that I could say

1663
01:47:37.300 --> 01:47:41.260
do this and then that just takes it off like your plate. It's it

1664
01:47:41.260 --> 01:47:47.740
doesn't it's learning to just sit in a place of rest and peace

1665
01:47:47.740 --> 01:47:52.320
with the Lord that he knows your heart. He knows your story.

1666
01:47:53.020 --> 01:48:03.640
He knows and so he will bring to fruit those desires of your

1667
01:48:03.640 --> 01:48:07.600
heart. Okay, it may not look in the same package that you want.

1668
01:48:08.440 --> 01:48:14.340
Okay, I thought I wanted more kids. I was 37 when I joined this

1669
01:48:14.580 --> 01:48:19.140
program. I was 39 when I met my husband. And a lot of the guys

1670
01:48:19.140 --> 01:48:23.900
that I dated in that two years I would they would kind of come

1671
01:48:23.900 --> 01:48:26.100
out the gate and tell me that they couldn't have children

1672
01:48:26.100 --> 01:48:31.640
anymore because they and most of those guys I was like, No, thank

1673
01:48:32.780 --> 01:48:39.320
you. And I felt okay about that. Ladies, I met my husband. I

1674
01:48:39.320 --> 01:48:41.960
didn't find out right out the gate. But that conversation did

1675
01:48:41.960 --> 01:48:48.220
come up and he got snipped. And I had to go to the Lord with

1676
01:48:48.220 --> 01:48:53.840
that one. And the Lord praise praise him that he answered me

1677
01:48:53.840 --> 01:48:59.380
and he spoke to me. Like, and again, this is my story. This

1678
01:48:59.380 --> 01:49:02.580
does not have to be your story. Okay, I'm just sharing how it

1679
01:49:02.580 --> 01:49:06.000
can look different than what we anticipate. Okay. And I had to

1680
01:49:06.000 --> 01:49:07.980
go to the Lord with that because that was a non negotiable for

1681
01:49:07.980 --> 01:49:11.140
me. I needed someone that wanted to be a dad one because I had a

1682
01:49:11.140 --> 01:49:15.960
kid, but two because I wanted more kids. And he's like, I'm

1683
01:49:15.960 --> 01:49:23.520
not having more kids. And I was like, Oh, and he, he, my husband

1684
01:49:23.860 --> 01:49:29.380
said some things that challenged me. And I'm like, Wow, he didn't

1685
01:49:29.380 --> 01:49:32.600
tell me the things that I wanted to hear. He was very candid and

1686
01:49:32.600 --> 01:49:35.640
very open and honest and asked me some really good questions

1687
01:49:36.080 --> 01:49:41.340
that got me thinking. And I was like, wow, Lord, like, what do

1688
01:49:41.340 --> 01:49:44.700
you want for me? Like, what does this look like? Because I do

1689
01:49:44.700 --> 01:49:47.400
believe you told me I was going to have more children. And the

1690
01:49:47.400 --> 01:49:49.500
Lord spoke to me says, Yes, Carla, I told you you were going

1691
01:49:49.500 --> 01:49:51.280
to have more children. I didn't tell you you were going to birth

1692
01:49:51.300 --> 01:49:59.640
them. I was like, Oh, because my husband had two kids. So I did

1693
01:49:59.640 --> 01:49:59.980
get more

1694
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.900
children. I just didn't birth them. And so I really had to go to the Lord and be

1695
01:50:04.900 --> 01:50:08.920
like, okay, I need to trust that if this is the spirit mate you have for me,

1696
01:50:10.920 --> 01:50:13.960
you're bringing me more children in a way that I don't know what this looks

1697
01:50:13.960 --> 01:50:18.460
like, and I'm just gonna have to trust you. And so that's what I would encourage,

1698
01:50:19.260 --> 01:50:23.100
is let's hold some of those things loosely. Like I said, I wish I could tell

1699
01:50:23.100 --> 01:50:28.140
you like this is just be open to the fact that God will work things out. Now

1700
01:50:28.140 --> 01:50:36.200
like we're blending a family. Y'all, I can't, I can't do another child. I got

1701
01:50:36.460 --> 01:50:40.640
three kids and almost 14 and 16. I'm like, we're not putting a baby in that

1702
01:50:40.560 --> 01:50:45.420
mix. Even if he did go get reversal. I'm like, no, we're not. We're not doing

1703
01:50:45.500 --> 01:50:51.120
that. And so, but God showed me that he was still fulfilling something and I

1704
01:50:51.120 --> 01:50:55.220
wasn't without something that I desperately desired because he already

1705
01:50:55.220 --> 01:50:59.840
had the answer for it. It was just, it didn't look the way that I thought. And

1706
01:50:59.980 --> 01:51:05.160
so, you know, just trust the Lord with that. Okay. Cause I mean, and again, I say

1707
01:51:05.160 --> 01:51:09.580
it cause I get it because then when you're in your late thirties and if you

1708
01:51:09.580 --> 01:51:13.980
meet somebody that wants kids and then you, you get married and you're like

1709
01:51:13.980 --> 01:51:18.620
trying to have kids and like, what, what if I can't get pregnant? This is when we

1710
01:51:18.620 --> 01:51:23.920
have to really lean on our faith, you know? And sometimes, sometimes God will

1711
01:51:23.920 --> 01:51:32.100
tell us, you know, he'll answer in ways that we just didn't anticipate him

1712
01:51:33.200 --> 01:51:38.520
answering, but it's just being open to what that answer looks like. So I hope

1713
01:51:38.520 --> 01:51:43.780
that kind of gives you some perspective and some hope. Um, don't put so much

1714
01:51:43.780 --> 01:51:49.640
pressure on that part. Okay. I think if you kind of just let that go and know, I

1715
01:51:49.640 --> 01:51:52.600
mean, cause again, you don't know, you might meet somebody and they have

1716
01:51:53.460 --> 01:52:00.000
Yeah. You get to fulfill the desire of being a mom. Yeah. You know, like that's,

1717
01:52:01.300 --> 01:52:06.780
you know, and I'm learning, I'm learning how to become a parent in a different

1718
01:52:07.000 --> 01:52:12.240
way. And God's growing me and healing me through that process. Like it was all he,

1719
01:52:12.260 --> 01:52:17.720
if he was intentional about it, very intentional, it's growing me as a mom,

1720
01:52:17.720 --> 01:52:23.540
it's growing me as a wife, it's growing me as a daughter of God. So just keep an

1721
01:52:23.540 --> 01:52:27.960
open mind with that and know that, you know, don't put the pressure on yourself.

1722
01:52:29.260 --> 01:52:34.520
Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. And we have so much medical science nowadays. I mean,

1723
01:52:34.520 --> 01:52:39.280
you just never know, you don't know, but yeah, it's just difficult when it's a

1724
01:52:39.800 --> 01:52:44.160
dream that you've had since you were young, you always imagine that, you know?

1725
01:52:44.160 --> 01:52:47.920
And so letting, letting that go to the Lord is very hard.

1726
01:52:48.540 --> 01:52:52.300
Yeah. It's trusting. It's like, okay, I'm going to release this to you because we

1727
01:52:52.300 --> 01:52:55.360
want to, we want to be able to control it. We want to be able to fulfill it for

1728
01:52:55.360 --> 01:52:59.100
ourselves. And that's not, that's not how it works all the time. I mean,

1729
01:52:59.200 --> 01:53:03.520
there've been women in this program. I mean, I remember early on, there was a

1730
01:53:03.520 --> 01:53:10.240
woman that was in my community through, through last year, single, and she had a

1731
01:53:10.240 --> 01:53:17.380
family member that couldn't care for the child anymore. And God showed her in a

1732
01:53:17.380 --> 01:53:23.060
dream that she was going to be this child's mom before she even knew that

1733
01:53:23.060 --> 01:53:26.460
there was this family member that was going to need to give up their child.

1734
01:53:28.520 --> 01:53:32.500
And she like, God was like, I'm giving you a child. It's just going to look

1735
01:53:32.500 --> 01:53:34.700
different. You thought you were going to get it. You're gonna get the husband and

1736
01:53:34.700 --> 01:53:39.640
the child. No, I'm bringing you to child first. She's this like incredible mom.

1737
01:53:40.740 --> 01:53:46.380
Hmm. You know, and she's like raising this little boy up like her own and, you

1738
01:53:46.320 --> 01:53:50.640
know, raising them up in the church. I mean, it's beautiful. So as I'm saying,

1739
01:53:50.640 --> 01:53:55.300
like, you just never know how God's going to come and deliver that. You know, we

1740
01:53:55.300 --> 01:54:00.040
just have to keep an open heart and an open mind. Okay. Don't, don't put

1741
01:54:00.040 --> 01:54:05.460
pressure on yourself though. Okay. Thank you. I know. Like I said, I wish I could

1742
01:54:05.460 --> 01:54:12.000
say, do this. And that, that heartstring just doesn't go away. It will creep up.

1743
01:54:12.220 --> 01:54:16.660
It will. Those doubts will come in because again, the enemy wants you to be

1744
01:54:16.420 --> 01:54:26.800
doubtful. I mean, he doesn't want us to parent children. Hmm. He doesn't. So of

1745
01:54:26.800 --> 01:54:33.760
course he's going to want to make you doubt that you just tell him quiet. No,

1746
01:54:34.420 --> 01:54:38.540
God's already defeated you. You don't get to have, I'm not giving you more

1747
01:54:38.540 --> 01:54:42.800
power than my God. My God has more power than you. Like, I think that's super

1748
01:54:42.800 --> 01:54:46.360
important ladies. We live in this society, especially like we can fall in

1749
01:54:46.360 --> 01:54:48.640
this trap and I don't know what, I wasn't even going to talk about this

1750
01:54:48.640 --> 01:54:52.280
because I know we're over time, but I feel like Holy Spirit's putting it on my

1751
01:54:51.860 --> 01:54:58.260
heart. You know, something he's even showing me lately is we live, especially

1752
01:54:58.820 --> 01:54:59.880
us as Christians.

1753
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:04.000
We can fall in this trap where we're so focused on the enemy

1754
01:55:04.000 --> 01:55:07.280
and what the enemy is doing that we forget who God is

1755
01:55:07.280 --> 01:55:08.460
and what God can do.

1756
01:55:11.600 --> 01:55:13.700
And sometimes that's the trick of the enemy.

1757
01:55:14.200 --> 01:55:17.020
Come over here and look at all these things

1758
01:55:17.940 --> 01:55:21.440
and we start giving him more power than our God.

1759
01:55:22.580 --> 01:55:24.300
No, we're not gonna do that.

1760
01:55:24.400 --> 01:55:26.720
So when the enemy wants to come and speak,

1761
01:55:27.340 --> 01:55:29.940
doubts, confusion, lies,

1762
01:55:31.680 --> 01:55:33.200
go put him in his place.

1763
01:55:33.940 --> 01:55:35.920
I'm not gonna give you the time of day.

1764
01:55:36.000 --> 01:55:38.260
I'm gonna shut you down and I'm gonna go over here

1765
01:55:38.260 --> 01:55:39.820
and I'm gonna praise and worship my Lord.

1766
01:55:40.660 --> 01:55:43.320
And I'm gonna believe in what he's put in my heart

1767
01:55:43.320 --> 01:55:45.220
and in my desire because he placed it there

1768
01:55:45.220 --> 01:55:47.560
and his word is true.

1769
01:55:48.580 --> 01:55:50.840
He sees those plans out.

1770
01:55:52.320 --> 01:55:56.580
So I don't have to give you the attention

1771
01:55:56.880 --> 01:56:01.360
of making me doubt something because God's already spoke it

1772
01:56:01.360 --> 01:56:03.420
and he's going to see it out.

1773
01:56:03.460 --> 01:56:05.600
He is going to deliver on his promises.

1774
01:56:07.900 --> 01:56:09.360
His promises are good.

1775
01:56:10.900 --> 01:56:12.020
He is true.

1776
01:56:12.700 --> 01:56:13.740
He doesn't lie.

1777
01:56:14.500 --> 01:56:16.040
You, enemy, you lie.

1778
01:56:16.860 --> 01:56:19.240
Anything that I hear from you, I already know is a lie

1779
01:56:19.240 --> 01:56:20.680
because that's your MO.

1780
01:56:21.780 --> 01:56:22.960
My God doesn't lie though.

1781
01:56:23.420 --> 01:56:25.340
And I know God put this desire in my heart

1782
01:56:25.340 --> 01:56:26.500
so he's gonna see it out.

1783
01:56:26.600 --> 01:56:28.120
And I don't know what it's gonna look like.

1784
01:56:28.160 --> 01:56:28.700
And you know what?

1785
01:56:29.080 --> 01:56:30.060
When you tell the enemy,

1786
01:56:31.200 --> 01:56:36.000
I'm gonna put faith in the unseen of what my God can do,

1787
01:56:38.060 --> 01:56:40.660
that enemy loses complete, all power.

1788
01:56:41.140 --> 01:56:42.180
He has no power.

1789
01:56:43.440 --> 01:56:47.680
We fight him with, no, you don't get to say this.

1790
01:56:47.680 --> 01:56:49.780
You don't get to claim this.

1791
01:56:51.700 --> 01:56:53.020
This is what my God says.

1792
01:56:53.280 --> 01:56:54.080
And he has the power.

1793
01:56:54.320 --> 01:56:54.720
You don't.

1794
01:56:55.120 --> 01:56:56.000
It diminishes it.

1795
01:56:56.420 --> 01:56:59.060
So when those moments come where you wanna start doubt,

1796
01:56:59.540 --> 01:57:00.220
you know what, ladies?

1797
01:57:00.320 --> 01:57:04.180
I'm a firm believer for to literally go,

1798
01:57:04.180 --> 01:57:05.820
tell that enemy where to go.

1799
01:57:06.660 --> 01:57:08.380
And then release it.

1800
01:57:08.680 --> 01:57:10.280
You don't get to have power over me.

1801
01:57:10.560 --> 01:57:11.080
Bye.

1802
01:57:12.940 --> 01:57:15.900
I'm telling you, in the spiritual realm,

1803
01:57:15.900 --> 01:57:18.460
some powerful things happen when we can do that.

1804
01:57:18.980 --> 01:57:22.000
When we fight that enemy and we take authority

1805
01:57:22.180 --> 01:57:24.760
because he who lives in us is greater

1806
01:57:24.760 --> 01:57:26.240
than he who's in the world,

1807
01:57:27.580 --> 01:57:31.700
like y'all, I'm getting goosebumps, all right?

1808
01:57:32.080 --> 01:57:35.800
So apparently there was a reason we needed to extend.

1809
01:57:36.000 --> 01:57:37.720
I don't typically like to do this.

1810
01:57:38.260 --> 01:57:40.440
And I know sometimes I get in trouble for it

1811
01:57:40.440 --> 01:57:41.740
when we go over, but you know what?

1812
01:57:41.740 --> 01:57:43.040
I just felt really led.

1813
01:57:43.160 --> 01:57:45.500
And so I feel like somebody needed to hear that,

1814
01:57:45.500 --> 01:57:46.300
not just Caitlin.

1815
01:57:47.520 --> 01:57:48.720
Caitlin, thank you for coming back.

1816
01:57:48.860 --> 01:57:50.340
We're so happy to have you.

1817
01:57:51.020 --> 01:57:53.140
Bringing this all, you know, ladies,

1818
01:57:53.520 --> 01:57:56.280
don't hesitate to come and share your questions,

1819
01:57:56.420 --> 01:57:58.380
post, because you never know

1820
01:57:58.380 --> 01:57:59.600
who else is gonna get breakthrough.

1821
01:57:59.680 --> 01:58:02.060
I feel like I just got breakthrough even.

1822
01:58:02.240 --> 01:58:04.400
Like I needed to hear it for myself.

1823
01:58:04.400 --> 01:58:07.680
I needed to hear the words come out of my mouth for me.

1824
01:58:08.360 --> 01:58:10.820
And I think someone's gonna hear it on replay

1825
01:58:10.820 --> 01:58:13.240
and it's gonna speak to them as well.

1826
01:58:13.240 --> 01:58:17.880
So, all right, ladies, it has been an honor, a blessing.

1827
01:58:19.280 --> 01:58:20.080
Love you all.

1828
01:58:20.500 --> 01:58:21.280
Don't be strangers.

1829
01:58:22.120 --> 01:58:25.100
Post in the app, come to the lives, all right?

1830
01:58:25.520 --> 01:58:26.660
Keep us posted.

1831
01:58:27.080 --> 01:58:27.960
Lori, make a post,

1832
01:58:28.020 --> 01:58:29.160
because I haven't seen you in a while.

1833
01:58:29.220 --> 01:58:30.440
I wanna know how you're doing.

1834
01:58:30.840 --> 01:58:32.820
Okay, I don't think I can make the live tonight,

1835
01:58:34.060 --> 01:58:35.660
but I do wanna know how you're doing.

1836
01:58:35.900 --> 01:58:38.020
So come, share with us, okay?

1837
01:58:38.060 --> 01:58:40.380
I hope Ebony gives you some good wisdom

1838
01:58:41.020 --> 01:58:45.200
and I will do my best and try to catch up with you as well.

1839
01:58:45.140 --> 01:58:48.660
Okay, ladies, have a blessed rest of your day.

1840
01:58:49.180 --> 01:58:49.640
Love you all.

1841
01:58:49.760 --> 01:58:50.420
See you next week.