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I guess I gotta take my one-legged earring out, oh I really wanted to wear it.

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Hey Anita, Jocelyn, Sarah, Nadine, let me put this on the other view, all right here

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we go.

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Hey Heather, Nikki, so good to see you, Heaven, and Tonya, and Stephanie, and Felicia, hello

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ladies.

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Is that everybody for now, yeah that's everybody for now, this seems like, now I could be wrong,

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but Jocelyn, Sarah, Tonya, Nadine, is this y'all's first time?

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I've been a couple times, but sporadically I haven't spoken up and I don't think you've

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seen my face.

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Oh okay, what about you Sarah, in Austin, whoop whoop, I'm in Austin too.

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So I've come once before and I've been doing this phase of the program for a few weeks,

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I just haven't been coming to the meetings.

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Okay, okay, and then you Kathleen, Drake, is this your first time?

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Yes, my first time, I was renaming myself as to where I'm from, yes.

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Okay, and you're, is this your, did you just come over to this phase?

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I just did as of last Thursday or something, yes.

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Oh, welcome, welcome, welcome ladies, so happy to have you in this phase.

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I'm Ebony, I live in Austin, I am a third grade teacher, and what else, I was in this

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program, I like to see all the ladies coming up getting so excited, I'm seeing Sharai jumping

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here, Martina, and Lauren, and Lydia, and Patty's in the house, I did this, I was in

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the program as one, as a student, probably about, I think the years keep moving up, but

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I think it's about three years, maybe three and a half years, possibly four, I'm not sure,

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and phase two still stands to be one of my most favorite phases that I was in.

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Now, of course, it was probably called a little different then, and Jackie was my coach at

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the time, but it was, dating changed my life, and it made me very powerful, and it increased

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my capacity to be a lot of who I am right now.

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This entire program helped to grow me in ways, when I came in, I didn't know what I was getting,

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and so I'm excited to have you, I'm excited to do this phase with you, it is so wonderful

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to be able to partner with the Lord's daughters in the earth, to see his kingdom come and

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his will be done in your life.

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And so with that, I'm going to pray, Father God, I thank you for this opportunity that

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we get to partner with heaven, to see a revival of kingdom marriages, people that you put

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together to do your bidding in the earth, to tear down the camp of the enemy.

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We thank you, Lord God, for spiritual DNA aligning, Lord God, where we will be with

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the person that you have designed and chosen, that we will both serve each other best.

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And so I thank you tonight, Lord God, for wisdom and solution, for whatever we have,

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you are the knower of all of our hearts, and you know what we need, no matter what the

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words out of our mouth speak, help us get to the root of the issue.

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In Jesus name, amen.

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Amen.

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And so, just know that phase two is not all about dating, it is about dating, but it's

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also all about you, and this is the opportunity you, in this phase, you get to work out the

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work that you did in phase one.

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And so the hard work doesn't stop, because now you're going to get the triggers, you're

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going to get the rub.

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That's what dating do for you.

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Dating men does this for you.

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And so a lot of times it's like, well, why I have to date, because baby can't nobody

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trigger you like a man can trigger you.

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Your mama can't do it, your child can't do it, your cousin can't do it, and your job

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can't do it.

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And the reason why a lot of times we're so hesitant to do it is because we know, what

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if I get rejected?

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You probably will.

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What if I get hurt?

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You'll get over it.

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It's going to happen.

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What if I get ghosted?

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You probably will get ghosted, right?

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You are God defended.

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That's one reason why Jackie tells us that you really are God defended, and there's absolutely

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nothing that could go wrong if you operate within the confines of the beautiful boundaries

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that have been set in place, because these boundaries help to guard your heart so that

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when the steam comes, it won't steam so bad.

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When the ghosting comes, it won't last too long.

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You'll find yourself being bad.

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It usually will take you a month to bounce back, you'll bounce back in four weeks, then

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three weeks, then two weeks, then one week.

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operated in the confines of the things that keep your heart safe and the things that have

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been put in place in this program is masterfully done to keep your heart safe and whole and intact

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to help you grow without unnecessary pains and every pain that you get to have is a pain that

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helps you grow and so that's why it's not without pain because nothing causes us to grow like pain

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it cannot help you grow or become bitter and you get to choose and so ladies let's not forget

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because some of us that are new I do want to make this disclaimer let's be sure not to post

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things from outside ministries or outside organizations when it comes to posting things

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that you know you want to get clear with admin before you post and that's for the safety of

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everyone's heart maybe if you post a different type of teaching that may speak to you but it

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and so we like to clear all of that up before it hits the platform because once people read it and

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once they see it we can't take back what they've seen or heard or how they feel about it but when

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it comes from Jackie is the program that they signed up for and so they decided to be a part

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because I didn't move quick enough great so if all is well do you any of our newcomers have any

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questions you want to watch one video a week if you can take notes they're going to be a lot of

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ahas in it so good all the time and then you don't have to have watched a video before you come to

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this session that's not what it's about this session is for you and wherever you are and

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like you know you guys you'll only be in this phase for such a short time and then you'll

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move to phase three and then you continue your process and so do y'all have any questions for me

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yes are you dating or engaged or what's up girl what's up let us know is that Helen speaking to

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me I am dating I am not engaged I am just I guess I could say sadly but happily um just ended like a

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six months it was like five and a half months a very marriage-minded relationship

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I ended that it broke my heart but it worked well for me um um I pray for his wife all the time he's

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an amazing man of God um and then yeah and then two weeks ago like just three days ago I had to

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break it off with this guy that it was been a long time since I really liked the person

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and I really liked him um I thought it was promising um but um he wanted to be married

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in the next five years and uh that don't work for me and I want to be married within a year

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right or whenever I meet like there there is I and I realized that that was fine and dandy for him but

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I don't I don't I don't partner with delay so may I ask why you ended the marriage-minded

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relationship the first one and then got with a not really marriage-minded guy I'm sorry

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we had only been talking for two weeks this guy that I just ended with so let's say that and so

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it wasn't time to talk about his goals and he was marriage-minded he just not marriage-minded in the

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same time frame as me and granted he was younger which I didn't want to deal with him but he's 36

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and I'm 42 and so that makes a difference sometimes when you're that young you feel

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like you have a lot of more uh you know a lot of more options or living to do and the guy that I

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was with though he was for five and a half months he was mature he was marriage-minded he was

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masculine but I over the process of time I came to believe that he wasn't to the level of maturity

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that I needed for my spiritual destiny and DNA and he lacked the ability to champion me and it

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was very important to me that the person who leads me has the ability to champion me he was more bent

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toward pleasing because he learned to love through pleasing that's how his mom taught him love and I

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was okay with that he was in counseling for it I said however I am also bent toward control not tell

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you what to do but to put the pieces in place to keep me safe and controllers and pleasers draw to

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each other but they don't work always well together if you're not getting help and because

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I've been married before I understood what the dynamic would have been like and I wasn't willing

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to tear him apart and have to deal with three years worth of me redoing what I did when we

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first said I do and so I processed through some things very well both of us had counselors we

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were very strategic we set it up when we dated but these are some of the ideas I

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had, we always dated, he got mentors from his church.

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They were kingdom marriage people.

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I had mentors from my church,

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and so when we would go out,

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they would go with us and kind of mentor us

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and talk with us.

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And so we had a lot of time.

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I didn't go exclusive until 90 days.

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And so I had so much time to evaluate things

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and see things and take it at a pace

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where we could catch as much as we could.

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You're gonna, even in marriage,

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you're gonna marry somebody

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that has to have the ability to cultivate you.

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It does not mean anything's gonna be perfect.

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I understood that, but cultivation has to happen,

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but people have to have capacity to cultivate.

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And so we were, he is marriage minded.

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He's ready to get married.

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He's an awesome man of God.

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But when we can't boil down to it,

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when you start separating where I'm headed in kingdom,

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where his ability, his capacity was at the time

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and who I am, they weren't as part.

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And so when I felt the Lord calling me

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to make the decision, I told the Lord, no, I cried.

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I said, just turn my heart toward him.

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I'll just do it.

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You just do it in me.

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It was the craziest prayer I ever prayed,

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but I didn't wanna, we had worked so hard.

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We had worked so hard.

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It really broke my heart to say it.

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So when I said it to him, I was in tears.

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And I said, and it was the Lord who,

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I learned so much with him.

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He treated me so good.

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My Lord, that man was good to me.

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And one of my, and I'ma hurry up so y'all can talk.

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One of my, I remember when I first met him

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and like a week later, he was like,

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you know, Ebony, I really want, you're so beautiful.

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I really want to kiss you.

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And I said, I understand that you wanted to kiss me

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because a man shows his affection by kissing.

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The first thing he wants to do is kiss this pretty woman.

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And I said, I understand.

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I said, but I want to share some with you.

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And I said, this is premature,

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but because you brought this up, I'm gonna share it.

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I said, I'm not kissing someone until I say I do.

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And I said, so maybe that's something you want to process.

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And that is my rule because of my past,

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because of I know how, if I start this now,

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we're how much more space we got left.

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I'm 42 years old.

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I've been married before.

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Like I can't, I can't get a ball rolling

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that I can't keep up with and I know me.

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And so he said, well, he was taken back.

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He just got quiet.

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And he said, well, can we negotiate?

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Like, is there some wiggle room?

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I said, well, we can only talk about negotiation

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when we go exclusive,

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which will probably be a while from now.

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And I said, at that point,

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I will measure how well you've honored my boundaries

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to that place.

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And I'll see what we could work out.

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Maybe if there's another option,

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maybe like kiss on the cheek or kiss on the forehead,

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but I wouldn't know that until I could determine

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how well you honor boundaries.

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And he got quiet.

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He said, I see.

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He said, well, you're worth it.

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If that's what it is, you're worth it.

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And that's what he said to me.

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And every time I ever, it's like, he's never,

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he was never pushing.

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He always look at me.

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He just said, Ebony, you're worth it.

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Whatever it is, God has blessed me

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with a righteous, pretty woman.

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And you could pray.

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He said, you can't get no better deal than this.

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And he was just like telling me this all the time.

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And so when he looked at me,

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no man has ever looked at me and said,

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Ebony, you're worth it.

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Whatever you cost, you're worth it.

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And he meant it.

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He wasn't lying.

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He treated me that same way all five months.

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He ain't never touched me in approach and said,

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oh, I got away with myself.

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He didn't do any of those things.

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He really came to restore the right order in me.

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And he treated me like no man has ever treated me.

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I didn't have to think.

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I didn't have to plan nothing.

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And I'm not saying that every man is going to be,

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but that's who he was.

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If I said one thing,

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next thing I know he's coming back with a plan.

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If he said we were going to talk about something,

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he gave me the date and the time.

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And sure enough, I never had to ask the question.

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He was like about that conversation we had.

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And so I may ask him some and I said,

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do you need a few days, 24 hours?

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He's like, hey, give me a day or so to work through that.

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And I followed back up with you.

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He always did what he said.

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And so that's why I pray for him a wife.

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Because I know what heaven has put in that young man.

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Like I pray for him.

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I know he's going to make some woman so happy.

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He's going to honor her so well.

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And so that's why it was so challenging for me to say,

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bye-bye.

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That's so hard, Lord, it was so hard.

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I thought my world were crumbling.

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But I'm going to tell you what made it easier

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that we had never crossed any physical boundaries.

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Now we held hands.

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Because one, he had an issue with his sight.

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And so because of that, we had to hold hands quicker

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because I would need to help him.

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But other than that, we held hands, and we didn't hold hands until probably a while.

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I am just very ... Listen, I done had all the relationship mess ups. I done did stuff so wrong.

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When Jackie was saying, nobody's supposed to be at your house, baby, I meet somebody,

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tell them to come over to my house. I have paid a high cost for where I am.

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God has so graciously blessed me with wisdom and to have access to wisdom.

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The wisdom is true. What is right, Jackie, is right. I am telling you,

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I'm not trying to convince you, but I'm telling you the truth. I've done it the wrong way.

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I've let my feelings and the emotions, that chemistry you get in the first two weeks,

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that you just can't get enough of this man, and you want to talk on the phone all the time,

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and it's just so, so good, and it seems like the world is perfect.

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If you make decisions in that stage, it costs. I know. I've done it so many times.

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I could lose count, seriously. Not that many times, but I've done it enough.

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I don't know. I forgot what question was asked, but that's that.

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I actually woke up yesterday morning for my prayer time, and the words that came out of my

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mouth was, Lord, have you not found one suitable for me in the earth yet?

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I understand the heart and the desire for the promise, for what you innately feel,

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even if God didn't speak a word to you. He didn't have to speak a word to you. He built you

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to partner in this way. It's a real thing,

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and I get it. How did he take it?

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It was hard. Let me see. Who am I talking to?

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Me. Stephanie.

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It was very hard, and so because of that, we processed through it for a whole week

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before we stopped talking. I told him, I'm going to tell you this now. He's an introverted,

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internal processor. I said, I'm going to tell you this, and let's set a time to follow up tomorrow.

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Then he got on the phone, but it was just in pieces.

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The next day led to the next day, and because I honor him as a man of God, as my brother in Christ,

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I wouldn't dare just drop him like whatever. I knew what the Lord had showed me.

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I knew, and within a moment, the attraction left. There was the Lord. In a moment, I looked at him.

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The person I had already planned stuff with, I looked at him, and I did not like him,

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not because some he did. I wasn't attracted to him. I was like, did I have blinders on?

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But the Lord needed my attention, and that's what drew my eyes to the Lord. I was like,

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what's going on? Then he began to show me things that I'm really attracted to is leadership,

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and the people having the capacity for what's on my life, because whoever I come under

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is either going to help build me or cap me. If you step out and go around it, you're out of order,

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and it's not going to work well for you. Because you can't be saying, I'm doing this in God,

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and you over your husband. You're going to go over him. No, that man has to have capacity for you.

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It's not that he didn't have capacity because he wasn't obedient to God, but the capacity for what's

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on my life, he did not house. It took the Lord turning me to God, and I'm like, God, what's

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happening? A level of leadership that was there that I admired, that I was attracted to, it wasn't

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there in its fullness. He needs more time to grow and maturate. Now, there's a woman on his level for

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him, but I didn't know that until God opened my eyes to it. Anyway, he took it very hard because

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he felt like we've done everything right. I've done everything that the Lord has asked of me,

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and how could this happen? We processed through it for about a week, and then after that,

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we didn't talk again for the next 30 days because you need a clean, smooth break.

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Then I checked in on him for just a few minutes. How are you doing? I'm thinking about you.

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I want you to know that I'm praying for you. We didn't talk again after that for another 30 days,

292
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so I could tell when I talked to him that that affection, it broke it. It's not there. Plus,

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I was praying for him. I was praying for the process. I could tell when I checked on him

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for 30 days, he was still mad at me. He didn't say it, but I could feel like,

295
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get off of my phone now. I could tell he was working through it. Yes, Stephanie,

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what's your other question?

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So, okay, because just in case any one of us should go through this, did you come and see

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counselor from your leaders, like, you know, like, because you guys will say, come in and check in,

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you know, like, if you're, you know, going through this, how would we do that? You know, because,

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you know, because the way you talk about it, I'm like, why the heck you stop talking to him? You,

301
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you lit up, you like, how you did, I'm like, how did you, you know, because I don't know how I

302
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would do it because I had a heartbreak and I broke, I cried with a guy for nine months. I

303
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felt like I had a, it was a whole baby, you know, in my youngest. I'm like, how, what did you do?

304
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You know, you can help us if we should go through this, how we would manage the tools we need to,

305
00:20:43.900 --> 00:20:49.000
you know, to do it. Do we come to you openly and talk or, you know, how does that work? Did you

306
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go to your leaders in this group? I mean, let's just say. So I get to have Carla as my personal

307
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coach, right? I get to have access to Carla and Bethany. But I also have my own counselor. I've

308
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had a trauma therapist for years. And so she helped me process through this relationship from

309
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the very beginning. I have a sister and a brother-in-law, they're both pastors, but I do

310
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ministry alongside of them, but they're very good with relationships. They were a part of our

311
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And so I told you, we set it up where when we will go out, he picked two

312
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kingdom marriages from his church. I had two kingdom marriages from like my own community.

313
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And so when this was happening, we were communicating with them.

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So we got all of this community around us that we're talking to. And I'm sharing with one of

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00:21:42.910 --> 00:21:47.070
the wives, like, what am I processing? What am I feeling? What is this? And what is that? And

316
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they're like, yeah, this is going to have to come to an end. Like, you're right. I see this.

317
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Yeah, you're right. That's it. And so we had a lot of community. I do things in community. And so

318
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after the 90 days, I presented him to my community. I presented him to like three of my pastors.

319
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I presented to him to my close friends. I presented him so that they can begin their

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evaluation process. I presented him to men that I valued and honored. And so I do everything

321
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community. And I learned that because of my first marriage was not in community. I refused to

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ever do marriage again without community. And so I am very strategic in that way. And so you should

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come to the community and you should share it with us because it helps me have community around you.

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I also serve on an inner healing team in my church. I'm one that serves there, but I have

325
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the privilege of getting an appointment whenever I need one. And so I am seeing my therapist. I have

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all these community believers around me that are praying that we're sharing things with.

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Hold up. Felicia is saying something just took me right out. So yeah, I think you should share

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with your community. And I think that we should definitely build community with people who,

329
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who value it on our covenant and who have wisdom. I have a lot of wise people in my life

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that when they say something, I submit to it because I've chosen them to put them in that seat.

331
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Like literally I had a friend message me. She was like, I saw when y'all were out and I saw

332
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this thing happen. So when I bring people in to go on dates with us, their job is to evaluate

333
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the way I interact with him, scrutinize it to catch what I cannot catch, scrutinize how I'm

334
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interacting because they know me, they know what I'm bent toward. And because they know my tendencies,

335
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they know how to point out things to me. And so it was just very, very organized in that sense.

336
00:24:02.890 --> 00:24:11.570
Um, I date, you know, and I really do date for kingdom. Like I, I, uh, very, very much so.

337
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And, um, yeah. Felicia, what's your question? Yeah. With Richard, um, kind of, as you share,

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it kind of opened up a little bit more of, um, clarity and wisdom. He wants to talk more

339
00:24:26.270 --> 00:24:31.650
to our conversation because like I said, the, the one thing, and it's just because it's over

340
00:24:31.650 --> 00:24:37.350
the phone when we're talking is we haven't met yet again for the second date. And, you know,

341
00:24:37.610 --> 00:24:43.410
he's maybe not clear on yet. Cause he used a lot of wisdom and when he's conversating,

342
00:24:43.610 --> 00:24:48.030
how much he opens up as yet, which is good. That's what we teach. We teach us, right.

343
00:24:48.190 --> 00:24:52.970
Yeah. So he wants to talk to, but now you share that it's okay to process through it, even though

344
00:24:52.970 --> 00:24:57.490
you, you know, you might not be a future through it. And that was what I was saying, you know,

345
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and I'm learning so much more.

346
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.640
to do that and I think it gives me so much peace of mind

347
00:25:04.740 --> 00:25:06.560
to do it the way you just said,

348
00:25:06.560 --> 00:25:09.060
process through it even though, because it's healthy.

349
00:25:09.780 --> 00:25:12.180
It's not abusive, it's not disrespectful.

350
00:25:12.760 --> 00:25:14.180
So he wants to talk through it,

351
00:25:14.180 --> 00:25:16.540
so you gave me the answer tonight by sharing

352
00:25:17.020 --> 00:25:20.640
and what would your advice be on that?

353
00:25:20.960 --> 00:25:23.400
Is to talk to him, he wants to talk to me later

354
00:25:23.400 --> 00:25:26.920
and process through it, so if that's okay.

355
00:25:27.100 --> 00:25:29.480
And like I said, I shared on coming to that,

356
00:25:29.480 --> 00:25:32.960
it just keep bringing up the familiar, my past.

357
00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:36.860
Is it me bringing up my past or is it the reality of him,

358
00:25:37.380 --> 00:25:38.860
his work life?

359
00:25:40.720 --> 00:25:44.440
Yeah, I think that, and I just wanna say this to everyone,

360
00:25:44.520 --> 00:25:47.860
when you're getting to know a person and there's grace

361
00:25:48.560 --> 00:25:50.420
and then there are real things

362
00:25:50.420 --> 00:25:53.040
and you cannot ignore the real things.

363
00:25:55.340 --> 00:25:57.580
Right, so you gotta open up the windows

364
00:25:57.580 --> 00:25:58.540
and let the light in.

365
00:25:59.120 --> 00:26:01.460
There are things that are in you that's happening,

366
00:26:01.700 --> 00:26:03.240
of course, because it's affecting you.

367
00:26:03.300 --> 00:26:04.740
So something is happening in you

368
00:26:04.740 --> 00:26:06.260
when this person does whatever they do

369
00:26:06.260 --> 00:26:08.580
and you need to process through it with community,

370
00:26:08.940 --> 00:26:10.900
probably not with that person all the time

371
00:26:10.920 --> 00:26:13.800
because they can't help you, you don't have direction.

372
00:26:14.280 --> 00:26:16.420
So you're gonna be looking to them to give you direction

373
00:26:16.420 --> 00:26:18.460
or to give you some answer to make you feel better

374
00:26:18.460 --> 00:26:19.720
and that's not gonna happen.

375
00:26:20.220 --> 00:26:21.980
And if it does happen, it's probably,

376
00:26:22.140 --> 00:26:24.260
a lot of times it won't serve you best.

377
00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:27.300
You gotta figure out what's happening in you first

378
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and then when you own your own stuff,

379
00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:33.540
you can show up to a table to have a conversation

380
00:26:33.540 --> 00:26:34.320
with the person.

381
00:26:35.980 --> 00:26:38.060
But if you haven't owned what belongs to you,

382
00:26:38.260 --> 00:26:40.900
you know, I heard someone say today

383
00:26:40.900 --> 00:26:43.640
that women will fall in love by what they hear

384
00:26:43.640 --> 00:26:45.580
and men fall in love by what they see.

385
00:26:46.460 --> 00:26:49.120
And we hear the right thing that make us feel safe

386
00:26:49.120 --> 00:26:50.780
and feel better and calm us.

387
00:26:50.940 --> 00:26:53.220
We'll be like, okay, yeah, yeah.

388
00:26:53.220 --> 00:26:55.580
And sometimes when you're just talking to the man,

389
00:26:55.580 --> 00:26:57.180
it seems like he could have a way

390
00:26:57.180 --> 00:26:58.580
of convincing you of something.

391
00:26:59.900 --> 00:27:01.120
I don't know if you've ever been

392
00:27:01.120 --> 00:27:03.960
in a horrible relationship before or just a regular one

393
00:27:03.960 --> 00:27:05.280
and they're telling you something,

394
00:27:05.300 --> 00:27:06.460
but you know it ain't true,

395
00:27:06.460 --> 00:27:09.460
but somehow you're listening to them and it's like, okay.

396
00:27:12.340 --> 00:27:13.220
Okay, right.

397
00:27:13.220 --> 00:27:14.900
And then later on, you're like, they do it.

398
00:27:14.920 --> 00:27:16.320
It's like, I knew it.

399
00:27:16.320 --> 00:27:19.040
It's like, I knew it, but I listened to you

400
00:27:19.100 --> 00:27:21.860
and you lied to me and you get even more angry,

401
00:27:21.900 --> 00:27:23.380
but that's because you showed up to the table

402
00:27:23.380 --> 00:27:25.400
and you hadn't processed out really what's happening

403
00:27:25.400 --> 00:27:28.400
and you let what they say soothe you or ease you

404
00:27:28.400 --> 00:27:29.480
or lead you.

405
00:27:29.860 --> 00:27:32.760
And then you blame them for you giving them

406
00:27:32.760 --> 00:27:34.980
the responsibility to show you the way.

407
00:27:35.340 --> 00:27:37.540
They don't have a responsibility to show you the way.

408
00:27:37.600 --> 00:27:39.760
You have a responsibility to figure out what's happening

409
00:27:39.760 --> 00:27:42.820
on the inside of you as best you can.

410
00:27:43.280 --> 00:27:45.120
That's why you have community around you

411
00:27:45.120 --> 00:27:46.520
to help you process.

412
00:27:47.140 --> 00:27:49.940
You need community, wise people.

413
00:27:50.340 --> 00:27:52.340
And then when you get you together,

414
00:27:52.340 --> 00:27:54.060
you can show back up to the table

415
00:27:54.380 --> 00:27:57.860
and can stand firm in what is true for you.

416
00:27:58.640 --> 00:28:00.640
Even if you need to take back what they say

417
00:28:00.640 --> 00:28:02.180
and process again,

418
00:28:03.380 --> 00:28:05.540
you can't afford to have someone else

419
00:28:05.540 --> 00:28:07.060
navigating your ship for you.

420
00:28:08.060 --> 00:28:11.100
And then you get mad when you're the shipwreck.

421
00:28:11.300 --> 00:28:13.100
You shouldn't have listened to them anyway.

422
00:28:13.460 --> 00:28:16.540
I'm just saying like people would lead you up the creek

423
00:28:16.540 --> 00:28:17.500
without a paddle.

424
00:28:18.320 --> 00:28:22.120
We have a responsibility to own our own stuff

425
00:28:22.120 --> 00:28:24.820
and deal with our own stuff as best we can

426
00:28:24.820 --> 00:28:26.400
and then show up to the table

427
00:28:26.400 --> 00:28:28.280
with whatever they have that's an issue.

428
00:28:28.660 --> 00:28:31.620
And so Felicia, if his job is an issue, it's just an issue.

429
00:28:31.780 --> 00:28:33.520
And you keep mentioning about his job

430
00:28:33.520 --> 00:28:35.140
and I think that it's an issue.

431
00:28:35.700 --> 00:28:37.580
I don't think you will keep saying this

432
00:28:37.580 --> 00:28:38.540
if it wasn't an issue.

433
00:28:39.920 --> 00:28:42.720
And so what if your past has something to do with it?

434
00:28:42.720 --> 00:28:44.380
Yeah, your past has something to do with it.

435
00:28:44.380 --> 00:28:46.740
In the past, you were in a marriage or a relationship

436
00:28:46.740 --> 00:28:48.760
where a person did not have time for you.

437
00:28:48.820 --> 00:28:50.720
No, you're not gonna do that all over again.

438
00:28:50.880 --> 00:28:52.640
And you've been talking to him long enough

439
00:28:52.640 --> 00:28:54.340
to invest emotions at this point.

440
00:28:54.600 --> 00:28:58.460
And so at this point, to guard you and honor your heart,

441
00:28:58.800 --> 00:28:59.640
would you have a response?

442
00:28:59.720 --> 00:29:01.700
We all have a responsibility to guard our own heart

443
00:29:01.700 --> 00:29:02.440
with all diligence.

444
00:29:02.580 --> 00:29:03.560
That's what the Bible says,

445
00:29:03.660 --> 00:29:05.120
to guard your heart with all diligence.

446
00:29:05.540 --> 00:29:05.920
Why?

447
00:29:06.000 --> 00:29:08.440
Because the heart is the birthplace of things.

448
00:29:09.400 --> 00:29:11.820
The heart would take, if you let it come in,

449
00:29:11.840 --> 00:29:13.600
it's not gonna reject it because it's alive.

450
00:29:13.660 --> 00:29:14.760
The heart don't know that.

451
00:29:14.920 --> 00:29:16.040
You have to guard the heart.

452
00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:19.160
And so once the seed goes into the heart,

453
00:29:19.260 --> 00:29:20.240
whether it's the truth or lie,

454
00:29:20.360 --> 00:29:24.460
it will germinate in your heart and produce for you

455
00:29:25.300 --> 00:29:28.700
deceit, lies, or truth and freedom.

456
00:29:29.960 --> 00:29:32.120
And so if that's not working, Felicia,

457
00:29:32.200 --> 00:29:33.200
it's just not working,

458
00:29:33.360 --> 00:29:35.080
and then you think that if you're sensing

459
00:29:35.080 --> 00:29:36.620
that it's time to release it,

460
00:29:36.620 --> 00:29:38.500
I wanna encourage you to release it.

461
00:29:39.040 --> 00:29:41.000
Listen, ladies, we can't lose.

462
00:29:41.180 --> 00:29:42.480
We are God-defended.

463
00:29:43.220 --> 00:29:45.260
Well, what if I let go of something God wanted?

464
00:29:45.260 --> 00:29:47.540
Well, I've got big enough and loud enough

465
00:29:47.540 --> 00:29:50.320
to tap you on your shoulders and to work it back out.

466
00:29:50.320 --> 00:29:53.820
He had a plan for us when Adam fell, and it was Jesus.

467
00:29:54.160 --> 00:29:56.260
The Bible says that Jesus had been slain

468
00:29:56.260 --> 00:29:57.760
since the foundations of the earth,

469
00:29:57.860 --> 00:29:59.980
over 2,000-plus years.

470
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:08.180
ago, God had a plan for mankind even before Adam did what he did in the garden. We got a God who

471
00:30:08.180 --> 00:30:13.560
can make a way. You talking about a guy who can build a bridge over troubled water? That's him.

472
00:30:14.540 --> 00:30:20.740
So if this is your spirit mate, the Lord will work these things out, but you can honor who's

473
00:30:20.740 --> 00:30:26.220
in front of you, especially if you've developed something with them and say, hey, it has been

474
00:30:26.220 --> 00:30:31.660
wonderful getting to know you. Right now, I'm unsure. I think that you should part ways with

475
00:30:31.660 --> 00:30:34.620
people as best you can, unless I'm being disrespectful, you've got a blessing block.

476
00:30:34.660 --> 00:30:39.760
But if you develop something with them to honor them and say, hey, I don't know what's off.

477
00:30:39.960 --> 00:30:45.060
It could totally be me, but I need time. And so I want to walk away now.

478
00:30:46.360 --> 00:30:51.100
Right? I'm going to walk away now because this is what serves me best in this season of my life.

479
00:30:55.560 --> 00:31:02.520
And that's just what's best. And people know how to follow up if they have questions.

480
00:31:04.740 --> 00:31:09.840
And that's when you get to see, are they going to say to you, well, hey, look, what's going on?

481
00:31:09.840 --> 00:31:17.260
Because you're worth it. What is it? What can I do? Why are you feeling this way? What's the issue?

482
00:31:17.400 --> 00:31:20.840
And they're not wrong if they don't say it. Some people don't have language. Some people

483
00:31:20.840 --> 00:31:24.260
don't even know how to express their own selves. They don't know how to advocate for themselves.

484
00:31:24.980 --> 00:31:31.380
And that's fine too, because you know how to advocate for yourself. And that's who matters.

485
00:31:34.240 --> 00:31:36.380
Okay. So I got Kathleen.

486
00:31:38.640 --> 00:31:40.700
Thank you, Ebony. Thank you so much.

487
00:31:41.340 --> 00:31:45.360
Oh, you're welcome. Oh, I'm sorry, Felicia. I thought you were gone because I didn't see your

488
00:31:45.360 --> 00:31:46.420
face no more.

489
00:31:46.420 --> 00:31:49.160
Listening to wisdom. Thank you so much.

490
00:31:50.820 --> 00:31:53.880
Okay, you're welcome. Did she leave? Okay.

491
00:31:54.400 --> 00:31:57.820
No, I'm soaking it in. It's so rich. Thank you.

492
00:31:58.200 --> 00:32:03.180
You're welcome. Okay. Kathleen. Kathleen or Kathleen?

493
00:32:05.040 --> 00:32:05.120
Kathleen.

494
00:32:06.000 --> 00:32:06.900
Kathleen. Gotcha. Okay.

495
00:32:07.320 --> 00:32:14.980
Yeah. Okay. So I'm new. So you can decide to say, I'm going to answer that later. Or

496
00:32:14.980 --> 00:32:26.500
I don't know what the program is. I'm struggling because I watched the first video.

497
00:32:27.900 --> 00:32:33.000
And you know, you have however many weeks to go on seven dates. What?

498
00:32:33.780 --> 00:32:36.680
I haven't been on a date in three years. Yeah.

499
00:32:38.900 --> 00:32:41.960
Okay. Because I can't get men to talk to me. They don't talk to me.

500
00:32:41.960 --> 00:32:48.300
Like in public. They don't talk to me. I'm on two different apps.

501
00:32:50.780 --> 00:32:53.320
It man it. How? How do you?

502
00:32:55.280 --> 00:33:00.940
Because I see things and I'm like, nope. And then I see that and I'm like, nope.

503
00:33:01.700 --> 00:33:08.320
And then you start a conversation and then they fall off the planet and okay.

504
00:33:08.880 --> 00:33:10.620
Is that, is that like normal?

505
00:33:12.920 --> 00:33:16.360
So you just wave at the camera so she can see how normal that is.

506
00:33:16.380 --> 00:33:18.080
So she won't feel like she in the boat.

507
00:33:20.960 --> 00:33:26.300
And then some of these men, they're like way younger, right? Way younger. And I'm like,

508
00:33:26.440 --> 00:33:34.160
honey, I want to just say, find somebody that'll have your children. Just it's what?

509
00:33:34.160 --> 00:33:40.400
Okay. I'm sorry. Maybe I'm just old. I don't know. It's, it's wild out there.

510
00:33:40.940 --> 00:33:44.980
How many scammers? Yes. How old are you?

511
00:33:45.260 --> 00:33:49.220
Old enough. You, you look, you have a baby face.

512
00:33:50.240 --> 00:33:55.040
Oh, God bless you. No, I'm I, I need to learn how to say my.

513
00:33:56.720 --> 00:33:58.780
What, what two apps are you on?

514
00:34:00.200 --> 00:34:03.920
Um, okay. So I was, my girlfriend put me on hinge like

515
00:34:04.880 --> 00:34:08.639
three weeks ago and I was on it for a week and I was so grossed out.

516
00:34:08.639 --> 00:34:12.980
I had to delete it. So now I'm on upward and holy.

517
00:34:13.120 --> 00:34:19.900
Okay. So what grosses you out? Let's start right there. What grosses you out?

518
00:34:20.560 --> 00:34:23.020
Okay. So I'm prophetic. So I see things.

519
00:34:23.800 --> 00:34:26.100
Right. Oh, I responded to you.

520
00:34:26.100 --> 00:34:31.219
You did. You did. And so that's hard. Okay. So I'm trying to be open-minded.

521
00:34:31.560 --> 00:34:37.300
And so that's when I engage and we'll have a conversation and then.

522
00:34:45.440 --> 00:34:48.580
Okay. It's so foreign. Yeah.

523
00:34:49.980 --> 00:34:52.100
So let me just hang in.

524
00:34:52.440 --> 00:34:55.320
Well, let me start somewhere before you hang in.

525
00:34:55.940 --> 00:34:59.060
Cause it's, it's not going to pay you well if you hang in a certain way.

526
00:34:59.420 --> 00:34:59.980
So first.

527
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.220
First, you're only looking for a date with a safe person.

528
00:35:05.280 --> 00:35:06.300
Anybody, they can be.

529
00:35:06.920 --> 00:35:08.220
You, they can't be anybody

530
00:35:08.220 --> 00:35:09.520
because you keep turning them away.

531
00:35:10.560 --> 00:35:11.900
They can't be that.

532
00:35:12.460 --> 00:35:14.740
But you want a safe person to go out on a date on.

533
00:35:15.180 --> 00:35:17.400
You need to really ask Jesus to give you his eyes

534
00:35:17.400 --> 00:35:19.260
because it's as prophetic as I am

535
00:35:19.260 --> 00:35:20.380
and not measuring the gift.

536
00:35:21.200 --> 00:35:23.720
Even your husband is gonna have to have cultivation.

537
00:35:25.460 --> 00:35:26.960
You're gonna have to cultivate him.

538
00:35:27.480 --> 00:35:29.960
Marriage is to make us more holy than it is happy.

539
00:35:30.720 --> 00:35:33.500
And so whatever package it is,

540
00:35:33.940 --> 00:35:36.140
you're gonna have to do some work with that package.

541
00:35:36.900 --> 00:35:39.620
It's gonna grow you, it's gonna extend you,

542
00:35:39.660 --> 00:35:42.860
and it's gonna stretch you past your borders.

543
00:35:43.640 --> 00:35:46.520
Marriage is designed to do that, right?

544
00:35:47.040 --> 00:35:49.740
You're probably gonna be opposite in a lot of ways.

545
00:35:50.180 --> 00:35:52.780
You may be prophetic, he may be a man of the word.

546
00:35:53.060 --> 00:35:53.940
He'd probably be thinking,

547
00:35:54.120 --> 00:35:55.600
ain't nobody got time for that prophetic stuff.

548
00:35:56.240 --> 00:35:57.280
But he's gonna get with you

549
00:35:57.280 --> 00:36:00.060
and God is gonna partner the prophetic with the word

550
00:36:00.060 --> 00:36:01.200
and it's gonna be powerful.

551
00:36:01.720 --> 00:36:03.760
And then God is gonna partner something in him

552
00:36:03.760 --> 00:36:06.000
that you feel like, oh, we got time for that

553
00:36:06.000 --> 00:36:07.200
and make you more powerful.

554
00:36:07.980 --> 00:36:10.800
And so the understanding of dynamics

555
00:36:10.800 --> 00:36:13.420
of how God works things is different from us.

556
00:36:13.860 --> 00:36:18.700
And so we have to set aside whatever thoughts we're having

557
00:36:19.200 --> 00:36:22.640
and stick with a particular set order of wisdom.

558
00:36:22.660 --> 00:36:24.680
Like you gotta operate in wisdom.

559
00:36:24.680 --> 00:36:29.240
So that means when I click on this person

560
00:36:29.240 --> 00:36:31.260
or I give them opportunity, are they a believer?

561
00:36:31.840 --> 00:36:33.900
They not like, I look at what people listen to.

562
00:36:34.180 --> 00:36:35.820
I feel like what you put into your ears

563
00:36:35.820 --> 00:36:37.220
tell me about who you are.

564
00:36:37.640 --> 00:36:40.520
And so I like when they post the music that they listen to

565
00:36:40.520 --> 00:36:42.200
because if they're listening to certain people,

566
00:36:42.240 --> 00:36:44.440
it ain't gotta be gospel or Christian music

567
00:36:44.440 --> 00:36:45.940
or whatever elevation all the time.

568
00:36:46.020 --> 00:36:47.700
But if it's certain type of artists

569
00:36:47.700 --> 00:36:49.580
with certain type of lyrics, it's like, no,

570
00:36:49.580 --> 00:36:51.200
you bet I'm not going out with you

571
00:36:51.200 --> 00:36:52.520
because that's what you listen to.

572
00:36:52.520 --> 00:36:55.020
Some artists really tells you,

573
00:36:55.200 --> 00:36:56.840
if you listen to certain type of artists,

574
00:36:56.900 --> 00:36:58.300
it tells you a lot about a person.

575
00:36:58.780 --> 00:37:00.400
Not just, it's not a secular music.

576
00:37:00.480 --> 00:37:04.460
I like old school music, but it's beyond that, right?

577
00:37:05.040 --> 00:37:08.060
So you gotta say within yourself, they're not my husband.

578
00:37:09.680 --> 00:37:11.740
I'm not looking for them to be my husband

579
00:37:12.160 --> 00:37:15.860
because you, Kathleen, are in phase two of this program.

580
00:37:16.180 --> 00:37:18.980
In the phase two of this program, we date for discovery.

581
00:37:19.980 --> 00:37:22.540
You date to find out about you

582
00:37:22.780 --> 00:37:25.180
because God is writing your love story.

583
00:37:27.120 --> 00:37:30.560
If that leads you, if that's the leading thought,

584
00:37:30.760 --> 00:37:33.940
you will see more grace in display.

585
00:37:35.440 --> 00:37:36.360
And you have to continue,

586
00:37:36.360 --> 00:37:38.600
I just have to continually remind myself,

587
00:37:38.700 --> 00:37:42.000
Jackie would say, just go on a date with you.

588
00:37:42.460 --> 00:37:47.180
And I just be like, oh, how dare, oh my goodness.

589
00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:53.120
And I went on the dates and I kept going on the dates

590
00:37:53.500 --> 00:37:55.320
and I kept learning about Ebony

591
00:37:55.600 --> 00:37:57.880
and I kept seeing me for who I really was

592
00:37:57.880 --> 00:37:59.540
in the areas that had to be stretched

593
00:37:59.540 --> 00:38:01.180
and grown for what heaven had.

594
00:38:02.440 --> 00:38:05.300
And it was true and she was right.

595
00:38:06.360 --> 00:38:08.000
And so you have to think,

596
00:38:08.040 --> 00:38:09.720
so what I used to tell myself is,

597
00:38:09.860 --> 00:38:11.860
they're not your husband, they're just a date.

598
00:38:12.480 --> 00:38:14.760
They're not your husband, Ebony, they're just a date.

599
00:38:14.760 --> 00:38:16.940
Even when I'm clicking, they're not your husband,

600
00:38:17.280 --> 00:38:17.980
they're just a date.

601
00:38:18.400 --> 00:38:20.880
They're not your husband, they're just a date.

602
00:38:21.080 --> 00:38:24.260
It's not your husband, like, oh, I programmed myself.

603
00:38:24.740 --> 00:38:27.020
And it's like, okay, are they close?

604
00:38:27.660 --> 00:38:29.520
Can I get a coffee date with them in a week?

605
00:38:29.920 --> 00:38:31.560
And let's get on this date

606
00:38:31.780 --> 00:38:33.820
because something happens when you go on a date.

607
00:38:33.920 --> 00:38:35.240
You haven't been on a date in three years.

608
00:38:35.500 --> 00:38:37.040
One thing you do know when you go on a date,

609
00:38:37.140 --> 00:38:38.640
if a person not like crazy,

610
00:38:38.820 --> 00:38:42.300
you feel dainty and cute and desired.

611
00:38:42.300 --> 00:38:46.680
And you remember what it feels like to feel that way

612
00:38:46.680 --> 00:38:48.060
or to have that.

613
00:38:48.440 --> 00:38:51.060
And now we're getting you in love story mode

614
00:38:51.340 --> 00:38:53.600
because we need to get you into your dainty,

615
00:38:54.800 --> 00:38:56.160
cuteness, feminine order.

616
00:38:57.000 --> 00:38:58.420
Dates help you get there.

617
00:38:58.620 --> 00:39:01.400
Instead of your, he gotta be this and he gotta be that

618
00:39:01.400 --> 00:39:03.240
because I'm this and the Lord and they gotta be this

619
00:39:03.240 --> 00:39:04.320
and they gotta be that and they gotta be this

620
00:39:04.320 --> 00:39:04.740
and they gotta be that.

621
00:39:04.860 --> 00:39:05.960
If they're not this and they're not that

622
00:39:05.960 --> 00:39:07.940
and na-na-na, I'm not having to do with it.

623
00:39:08.560 --> 00:39:09.980
And that's not heaven's plan.

624
00:39:10.860 --> 00:39:13.200
It's just not, it's not his plan.

625
00:39:13.300 --> 00:39:15.340
It just doesn't work that way.

626
00:39:15.980 --> 00:39:17.620
There are some powerful couples,

627
00:39:17.800 --> 00:39:21.140
people that I admire who were like,

628
00:39:21.480 --> 00:39:24.960
no, we were told the opposite in whatever ways or not.

629
00:39:24.980 --> 00:39:26.240
They were both kingdom believers.

630
00:39:27.000 --> 00:39:29.220
And so that's one thing, Kathleen,

631
00:39:29.320 --> 00:39:31.160
I think if you would just practice that,

632
00:39:31.220 --> 00:39:33.120
it will really help you get a date.

633
00:39:33.560 --> 00:39:34.580
Remember you're on a date.

634
00:39:36.180 --> 00:39:37.820
What do you think about that?

635
00:39:38.700 --> 00:39:40.060
Cause you got this stern look,

636
00:39:40.120 --> 00:39:41.380
so I don't know what you're thinking.

637
00:39:41.920 --> 00:39:44.400
I need subtitles for my face, right?

638
00:39:44.860 --> 00:39:45.660
Yeah, it's okay.

639
00:39:45.700 --> 00:39:46.520
I just asked.

640
00:39:48.900 --> 00:39:51.860
I, I can, I, I think I can do that.

641
00:39:52.180 --> 00:39:55.260
I, I guess because of when I grew up,

642
00:39:55.340 --> 00:39:59.280
it was don't date unless they're marriage material, right?

643
00:39:59.280 --> 00:39:59.980
That's how I was brought up.

644
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:08.460
programmed. And, um, but I appreciate what you're saying. Um, I'm not Catholic. I don't.

645
00:40:09.300 --> 00:40:14.320
So a lot, a lot of the men are like Church of Christ and Catholic and that. So you're

646
00:40:14.320 --> 00:40:23.220
saying, yeah, just do it and try it. And you don't have, you don't have to know all the

647
00:40:23.220 --> 00:40:26.740
things before you meet in person. That's what I hear you saying.

648
00:40:26.740 --> 00:40:32.040
Yes, it's true. That's what I'm saying. Okay. I'm going to tell you something about feeling

649
00:40:32.040 --> 00:40:39.260
like, you know, so much to make a decision. All you know is what they say. They've not

650
00:40:39.260 --> 00:40:44.560
yet proven. I don't, I'm, I'm on leadership. I've been around leaders. I've been around

651
00:40:44.560 --> 00:40:50.380
my powerful men of God who molest their daughters. I've been around powerful men of God who do

652
00:40:50.380 --> 00:40:55.400
signs and wonders and can teach. And they, they, they have extramarital affairs for years

653
00:40:55.400 --> 00:40:58.860
on their wife. There are a lot of times. So you come in, like, if the man say this,

654
00:40:58.900 --> 00:41:06.580
he say, this is a go now. Yeah. He's a great candidate in words. I wish Mandy was on here

655
00:41:06.580 --> 00:41:11.000
to tell her testimony. She came one night and she was in tears. I don't know if you

656
00:41:11.080 --> 00:41:14.700
ladies remember, but like she was talking to this guy. And this is the first time she

657
00:41:14.700 --> 00:41:19.580
talked to somebody, a believer who was on par with who she was. She's perfect. She's

658
00:41:19.580 --> 00:41:24.420
all these things. And two, and before she got on the call, she had prayed and she could

659
00:41:24.420 --> 00:41:30.900
not believe their connection. And then his wife picks up the phone. She couldn't believe

660
00:41:30.900 --> 00:41:35.080
the things he was saying at the level that he was speaking to her. She's not like, you

661
00:41:35.080 --> 00:41:40.680
know what I'm saying? She's not somebody who believes in anything. And so I'm just saying

662
00:41:40.880 --> 00:41:46.360
people, you have to reserve an opportunity to observe people. You've got people who,

663
00:41:46.360 --> 00:41:52.500
who aren't necessarily up in the church or preaching, but they are kingdom people. They

664
00:41:52.500 --> 00:41:59.080
have strong character. And I'd rather have a solid, strong character than somebody who

665
00:41:59.080 --> 00:42:03.920
could speak in tongues and prophesy. Do they have a teachable heart? Are they willing to

666
00:42:03.920 --> 00:42:10.480
submit and grow? Do they stay the course or do they catch a little fire? Then they burn

667
00:42:11.660 --> 00:42:16.880
out, you know? And so these things you don't know until you get to know a person is so

668
00:42:16.880 --> 00:42:23.140
important not to go in with the mindset. Is this the one? No, he ain't the one. He probably

669
00:42:23.140 --> 00:42:28.860
not. He could be, but he probably not. You're dating for discovery. The Lord wants to extend

670
00:42:28.880 --> 00:42:36.920
your capacity. So whoever you once were, you're going to get upgraded by this man. He's going

671
00:42:36.920 --> 00:42:42.880
to get upgraded by you. He's going to cap your ceiling if he has not done have the capacity

672
00:42:42.880 --> 00:42:47.500
and he could talk the talk, but does he have the capacity? The Lord told me this one time,

673
00:42:47.500 --> 00:42:51.620
I was getting to know this guy and I said, Oh, some, some, some, some, something. And he reminded

674
00:42:51.660 --> 00:42:58.140
me of David when Samuel went to anoint him. And he said, Oh, surely this is the one called

675
00:42:58.080 --> 00:43:02.620
Jezebel. Surely, surely this is the one. Surely this is the one. Sure. This one, the Lord says,

676
00:43:02.680 --> 00:43:07.160
I, the Lord judged the heart of me. You look at the outside, but I judged the heart of me.

677
00:43:07.160 --> 00:43:13.600
This is what I began to pray and ask the Lord. And I do this now, Lord, how have you judged his

678
00:43:14.780 --> 00:43:21.380
heart? How have you judged it? Because it matters how the Lord has judged the heart. Not if the

679
00:43:21.380 --> 00:43:26.880
heart is good or bad, or if the heart is this or that. God knows the inner workings of a man's

680
00:43:26.880 --> 00:43:33.040
heart, his ability to turn his heart, his ability to cause his heart to submit. Only God knows that

681
00:43:33.040 --> 00:43:37.360
we don't. And so we have this list of criteria, what somebody should look like, what they should

682
00:43:37.360 --> 00:43:42.980
be like, how they should be. And now I'm not telling you to go hang out with a bum. I never

683
00:43:43.160 --> 00:43:48.000
said that. I'm not telling you to hang out with somebody who doesn't honor you, who does not have

684
00:43:48.560 --> 00:43:53.980
foundation. You can go on a date with somebody who doesn't meet your foundational criteria.

685
00:43:54.100 --> 00:43:56.760
They're not marriage minded. You know, you ain't going to keep going on a date with them. You just

686
00:43:56.760 --> 00:44:02.840
had a cup of coffee with them, right? And it's not for you to figure out if they have, are they

687
00:44:02.840 --> 00:44:08.780
anything. The best way to know a person is just to get to know them. Because you are God defended,

688
00:44:09.040 --> 00:44:12.440
something's going to happen in the process. You're not going to go on a date with somebody and fall

689
00:44:12.440 --> 00:44:20.480
in love. If you do, God wants to reveal something in your heart. Like you're in a community of wisdom.

690
00:44:20.640 --> 00:44:25.900
You bring it back, you lay it out. You got people looking at it saying, oh, I think something's a

691
00:44:25.900 --> 00:44:31.960
little right about that. And so you're set up for the best possible outcome. I don't want to be on

692
00:44:31.960 --> 00:44:38.200
a little preaching wagon here, but this is very helpful to know. Like you have to get out of your

693
00:44:38.800 --> 00:44:44.560
head, get out of your perfect story and know that in marriage, things are messy. If you're not been

694
00:44:44.560 --> 00:44:47.980
married before, if you have been married before, you know that things are messy in marriage.

695
00:44:48.700 --> 00:44:52.100
And you know that marriage requires a lot of forgiveness and a lot of grace and ain't going

696
00:44:52.100 --> 00:44:55.940
to be no way to get away from that. And your heart is going to be broken by the one you love the most.

697
00:44:56.120 --> 00:44:59.500
So many times they had to be broken because they cheat, but you're just going to be broken.

698
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.720
She's just gonna hurt. Forgiveness ain't forgiveness unless you gotta push your way

699
00:45:04.720 --> 00:45:10.600
through to do it a lot of times. Like that's when it counts that you look at a person and you say,

700
00:45:10.600 --> 00:45:19.600
I still choose you. It's easy to choose when it's good. Right? So, Kevin, I think you should

701
00:45:19.600 --> 00:45:30.680
get out of the head. Lay down your prophetic and pick up dating for discovery. And wisdom is with

702
00:45:30.680 --> 00:45:39.780
you. It won't be without you. And I think that you are beautiful and you should be getting a date.

703
00:45:40.280 --> 00:45:45.160
And you gotta stop getting grossed out by men. They got a job. Are they a believer?

704
00:45:45.160 --> 00:45:50.860
And whatever your other criteria are, can they hold a decent conversation?

705
00:45:51.880 --> 00:45:57.200
Let's go grab a cup of coffee. Grab the cup of coffee before you spend three weeks really

706
00:45:57.200 --> 00:46:03.980
getting to know them. Skip all that. You want a date. The first week, they like peacocks. They

707
00:46:03.980 --> 00:46:10.200
strutting their stuff. Catch them on the first week before you find out they ain't got no sense.

708
00:46:12.640 --> 00:46:20.720
But, you know, stop digging. Feel safe. You have the Lord with you. And go for a cup of coffee in

709
00:46:20.720 --> 00:46:27.960
broad daylight or 10 a.m., 11 a.m. and make it happen. Set your timer for 45 minutes. You're

710
00:46:27.960 --> 00:46:33.100
probably going to enjoy yourself. Stay longer than 45 minutes. Don't talk about emotional

711
00:46:33.100 --> 00:46:39.600
things. Don't talk about spiritual things. And don't talk about future things. Go to AI.

712
00:46:39.600 --> 00:46:44.320
Get you some questions. Laugh and have some fun and take your pretty self home.

713
00:46:47.440 --> 00:46:53.260
And then next person. And sit up all night on the phone with somebody,

714
00:46:53.260 --> 00:46:56.620
knowing you got to get up and go to work. It's so much fun.

715
00:46:58.820 --> 00:47:02.640
You know how you start feeling like that little girl when you start talking to a guy that you

716
00:47:02.780 --> 00:47:07.080
like? It's just something about that feeling. It's so fun.

717
00:47:08.560 --> 00:47:16.780
Till you be at work and say, what was I thinking? It was so dumb. Then you do it all over again.

718
00:47:19.620 --> 00:47:24.600
But, look, we want you to giggle and laugh again. You won't come back to this stage again.

719
00:47:24.960 --> 00:47:29.940
In a little while, it's going to be till death do you part. And it's coming. But now you get

720
00:47:29.940 --> 00:47:34.200
to have a little fun. And we want y'all to do it as best we can.

721
00:47:35.860 --> 00:47:40.260
All right. Amen. That's what I'm talking about. Okay. Jodi.

722
00:47:44.240 --> 00:47:53.700
All right. Thank you. I'm new too. And Kathleen, I totally get you. I totally get you. It's the

723
00:47:54.660 --> 00:48:08.340
in me. You want to figure it out first. It's so hard. So that kind of is related to the question

724
00:48:08.340 --> 00:48:16.120
that I had, actually, because I kind of changed my question. But originally, my question was like,

725
00:48:17.700 --> 00:48:25.760
I'm only on Facebook dating right now, because I don't really know which other ones to go on. And

726
00:48:25.760 --> 00:48:37.620
I don't really want to spend money at this point. But I've only been like, what is it?

727
00:48:38.500 --> 00:48:49.960
Liking people that either talk about their faith in their profile, or have the Christian music,

728
00:48:50.160 --> 00:49:00.160
or some decent music, or, boy, loosely, if they say they're Christian, if they click on the icon

729
00:49:00.420 --> 00:49:05.480
Christian, because what does that mean? That could just mean they believe there's a God.

730
00:49:05.480 --> 00:49:13.080
And so I totally relate to that, wanting to have it all figured out before you even say yes to

731
00:49:15.020 --> 00:49:22.320
clicking on them. So I guess, yeah, I'm kind of looking for a little guidance in that too,

732
00:49:22.340 --> 00:49:32.620
or strategy. What do other people use as their criteria to say, okay, you're one that I like?

733
00:49:36.300 --> 00:49:40.640
Ladies, can you put that in the chat for her? I'm not trying to cut you off. Can you put in

734
00:49:42.080 --> 00:49:48.120
what some of the criterias that you look at? Just type it in the chat. Go ahead, Jodi. You can get

735
00:49:48.120 --> 00:49:53.880
through talking. I was just letting them know to start putting it in. Yeah. And then I like what

736
00:49:53.880 --> 00:49:59.980
you said about, are they teachable, willing to grow, that kind of thing. But

737
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.840
But, you know, I think, gosh, you know, I don't wanna,

738
00:50:09.440 --> 00:50:12.360
well, the guy that you broke up with,

739
00:50:15.680 --> 00:50:17.200
I don't even know how to ask this,

740
00:50:17.440 --> 00:50:21.920
but why would I invest my heart

741
00:50:23.740 --> 00:50:27.800
for X amount of time if I already know

742
00:50:28.100 --> 00:50:29.920
that, yes, they're a Christian,

743
00:50:30.060 --> 00:50:34.900
but they're not really involved in church yet.

744
00:50:36.140 --> 00:50:39.140
And then once I start talking to them,

745
00:50:39.180 --> 00:50:42.580
they start going, is it because of me?

746
00:50:43.240 --> 00:50:44.020
Do you know what I mean?

747
00:50:44.040 --> 00:50:46.480
Like that discernment,

748
00:50:46.760 --> 00:50:50.180
and I don't want to be pulling them along

749
00:50:50.180 --> 00:50:51.640
like you were talking about.

750
00:50:51.960 --> 00:50:56.240
I would like, I too would like a leader.

751
00:50:58.820 --> 00:51:00.760
So that's-

752
00:51:00.760 --> 00:51:01.920
Yeah, let me address that.

753
00:51:02.080 --> 00:51:04.680
So the guy that I was talking to was a believer.

754
00:51:04.940 --> 00:51:06.780
He was a leader in his church.

755
00:51:06.980 --> 00:51:10.360
Okay, so he was very, very, not just active,

756
00:51:10.480 --> 00:51:16.920
he was a leader in all ways, very much in his church.

757
00:51:17.060 --> 00:51:19.420
So he was a straight up righteous.

758
00:51:19.880 --> 00:51:22.480
I mean, he was sold out to righteousness when I met him.

759
00:51:22.680 --> 00:51:23.200
Okay.

760
00:51:24.440 --> 00:51:27.080
So one, we don't invest our hearts.

761
00:51:28.440 --> 00:51:29.660
So that comes with time.

762
00:51:29.820 --> 00:51:31.300
We were dating for five months.

763
00:51:31.640 --> 00:51:32.020
Right.

764
00:51:32.280 --> 00:51:37.580
Right, and so there's a pacing that happens

765
00:51:37.580 --> 00:51:38.860
and you have to pace.

766
00:51:39.500 --> 00:51:41.320
If you find that it's challenging for you to pace,

767
00:51:41.400 --> 00:51:43.340
that tells you that something is a bit unhealthy

768
00:51:43.980 --> 00:51:47.220
and it's okay because you're like, whoa,

769
00:51:47.320 --> 00:51:50.380
why did I just tell, okay, let me reel this back in

770
00:51:50.380 --> 00:51:52.240
and figure out what's happening with me.

771
00:51:52.240 --> 00:51:53.580
That's why you have community.

772
00:51:54.800 --> 00:51:56.940
And it's not true that you're gonna invest.

773
00:51:57.140 --> 00:51:59.640
If you invest your heart in a man

774
00:51:59.640 --> 00:52:02.340
that's not mature, marriage minded or masculine,

775
00:52:02.640 --> 00:52:05.760
then there's something happening within you

776
00:52:05.760 --> 00:52:06.900
because that's the criteria.

777
00:52:07.960 --> 00:52:08.820
Right, okay.

778
00:52:09.360 --> 00:52:09.920
Mature, marriage minded, masculine

779
00:52:09.920 --> 00:52:12.080
is not the criteria to go on a date.

780
00:52:12.540 --> 00:52:15.460
If you keep looking at a date like he's your husband,

781
00:52:15.520 --> 00:52:17.300
you're gonna get tripped up every time

782
00:52:17.300 --> 00:52:19.840
because you can't look at a date that way.

783
00:52:19.980 --> 00:52:21.360
Do dates lead to spouses?

784
00:52:21.360 --> 00:52:24.320
Yes, but if you're not looking for a spouse,

785
00:52:24.500 --> 00:52:25.820
will you go on a date?

786
00:52:25.820 --> 00:52:27.880
I know, but I wanna cut the time in half.

787
00:52:28.660 --> 00:52:30.360
Yeah, but see, when you cut the time in half,

788
00:52:30.440 --> 00:52:31.920
you cut your time in half, Jodi.

789
00:52:31.960 --> 00:52:33.180
Yep, that's true.

790
00:52:33.620 --> 00:52:35.480
Because God doesn't just partner you

791
00:52:35.480 --> 00:52:36.700
with the man for your now,

792
00:52:36.960 --> 00:52:38.900
he's partnering Jodi with the man for the Jodi

793
00:52:38.900 --> 00:52:40.040
you have not seen.

794
00:52:40.540 --> 00:52:43.060
And so when we come and we think we so qualified

795
00:52:43.060 --> 00:52:45.060
and we think we're so this and we think you're so that,

796
00:52:45.140 --> 00:52:47.000
you're not so this and you're not so that.

797
00:52:47.020 --> 00:52:47.360
Why?

798
00:52:47.540 --> 00:52:49.840
Because the version that you'll be in 10 years

799
00:52:49.840 --> 00:52:51.480
is not the version you are now.

800
00:52:51.640 --> 00:52:54.320
And you don't know how to find a mate suitable for that.

801
00:52:54.380 --> 00:52:57.080
You just know what here and now looks like.

802
00:52:58.040 --> 00:53:00.760
And so because you only have eyes on here and now,

803
00:53:00.860 --> 00:53:01.960
it costs you,

804
00:53:02.000 --> 00:53:03.840
because you keep trying to find a mate suitable

805
00:53:03.840 --> 00:53:04.660
for where you are.

806
00:53:04.820 --> 00:53:08.100
I am telling you, five months ago,

807
00:53:08.100 --> 00:53:10.480
I would have not selected the same man I selected

808
00:53:10.480 --> 00:53:11.680
before I selected him.

809
00:53:12.320 --> 00:53:15.140
And that's just how fast I was grown in the Lord.

810
00:53:15.200 --> 00:53:17.880
That's just how fast things are happening within me.

811
00:53:17.880 --> 00:53:21.120
Who you are today will not be who you pick six months

812
00:53:21.120 --> 00:53:22.700
from now if you are growing.

813
00:53:23.760 --> 00:53:24.700
Yeah, I get that.

814
00:53:25.380 --> 00:53:28.540
So that's, you have to eradicate your mind.

815
00:53:28.580 --> 00:53:29.360
I'm telling you,

816
00:53:29.580 --> 00:53:31.500
you gotta tell yourself over and over, Jodi,

817
00:53:32.080 --> 00:53:32.840
he's not my husband.

818
00:53:33.220 --> 00:53:34.000
He's not my husband.

819
00:53:34.380 --> 00:53:35.440
He's not my husband.

820
00:53:35.440 --> 00:53:36.000
Could he be?

821
00:53:36.260 --> 00:53:36.420
Could be.

822
00:53:36.600 --> 00:53:37.160
He's not though.

823
00:53:37.460 --> 00:53:38.080
He's not my husband.

824
00:53:38.300 --> 00:53:39.280
I just wanna date.

825
00:53:39.540 --> 00:53:42.200
I sing this song to myself.

826
00:53:43.180 --> 00:53:44.540
You have to,

827
00:53:44.940 --> 00:53:47.340
when you're in this phase of dating for discovery

828
00:53:47.340 --> 00:53:49.500
and Kathleen, you don't have to get seven dates.

829
00:53:49.700 --> 00:53:51.340
It's just the challenge,

830
00:53:51.660 --> 00:53:52.780
just to double back on that.

831
00:53:53.000 --> 00:53:55.060
But, you know, we want you to get out there

832
00:53:55.060 --> 00:53:57.200
and put some heat under you to start dating.

833
00:53:57.420 --> 00:53:58.300
That's all that is.

834
00:53:58.620 --> 00:54:00.920
But Jodi, he ain't the one,

835
00:54:01.200 --> 00:54:02.700
but he is the one for a coffee date.

836
00:54:03.760 --> 00:54:04.240
Okay.

837
00:54:04.240 --> 00:54:06.300
You will not invest your heart,

838
00:54:06.400 --> 00:54:08.300
your God-defending and you have a community

839
00:54:08.300 --> 00:54:10.020
that even when you feel like it,

840
00:54:10.020 --> 00:54:11.400
I tell people all the time,

841
00:54:11.480 --> 00:54:13.040
can't nobody slow a woman down

842
00:54:13.040 --> 00:54:15.120
and a woman that feel like she done met the one

843
00:54:15.120 --> 00:54:16.460
till she crashed the ship.

844
00:54:17.260 --> 00:54:17.820
Oh yeah.

845
00:54:17.840 --> 00:54:19.300
She be like, you can't tell her nothing.

846
00:54:19.400 --> 00:54:21.860
She just like, you be like, listen, baby, slow down.

847
00:54:22.480 --> 00:54:22.480


848
00:54:23.020 --> 00:54:24.080
You gotta admit.

849
00:54:24.960 --> 00:54:29.360
You gotta, you gotta submit yourself to wise counsel

850
00:54:29.360 --> 00:54:30.360
no matter what.

851
00:54:30.940 --> 00:54:31.940
Put yourself under seduction.

852
00:54:32.320 --> 00:54:34.420
Tell yourself they know.

853
00:54:35.700 --> 00:54:38.420
It's gonna, it'll cost me more not to listen.

854
00:54:38.460 --> 00:54:40.560
I can't lose by listening to wisdom.

855
00:54:41.000 --> 00:54:41.560
Right.

856
00:54:42.080 --> 00:54:42.680
Right.

857
00:54:42.720 --> 00:54:45.000
So you're not investing your heart.

858
00:54:45.000 --> 00:54:46.100
You're going on a date.

859
00:54:46.780 --> 00:54:47.060
Okay.

860
00:54:47.440 --> 00:54:57.080
So I went on the first date of this challenge on Sunday

861
00:54:57.080 --> 00:54:59.800
and I was really, I was really excited.

862
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.580
And he ended up, I ended up learning more about his ex-wife and her faults than I did

863
00:55:07.580 --> 00:55:08.400
about him.

864
00:55:08.800 --> 00:55:10.960
And I thought, oh my word.

865
00:55:12.020 --> 00:55:21.380
We chatted, texted for probably only because of time, we couldn't figure out a time to

866
00:55:21.380 --> 00:55:25.640
get together for probably about a week and a half before we actually got together.

867
00:55:26.640 --> 00:55:36.060
And what I texted with, who I texted with, and who I went for a walk and had coffee with,

868
00:55:38.040 --> 00:55:40.420
it was not the same person, right?

869
00:55:40.420 --> 00:55:41.400
It was crazy.

870
00:55:42.280 --> 00:55:52.720
And so this is like the first time that I feel, I feel good about not just giving grace

871
00:55:53.320 --> 00:55:56.020
to him because, oh, maybe he was nervous.

872
00:55:56.640 --> 00:56:00.200
Normally, I would give grace and give grace and give grace.

873
00:56:00.520 --> 00:56:04.400
But I'm like, no, I think he told me who he was.

874
00:56:04.400 --> 00:56:06.020
So I have to listen to that.

875
00:56:06.160 --> 00:56:07.560
I mean, is that right?

876
00:56:07.920 --> 00:56:08.860
What did he say?

877
00:56:09.400 --> 00:56:14.220
Well, he just, I mean, he just told me all about his ex-wife.

878
00:56:14.340 --> 00:56:19.940
And when I, he asked me a couple of questions about myself and when I would start to answer

879
00:56:22.200 --> 00:56:31.600
without fail, every time something would remind him that I said about him and he would interrupt

880
00:56:31.600 --> 00:56:37.040
me and start talking about him and, you know, his stuff.

881
00:56:37.900 --> 00:56:47.940
And so, and then he did say at one point, and I don't remember the context, but something

882
00:56:47.940 --> 00:56:52.440
about that, his ex-wife said that he has anger issues.

883
00:56:52.700 --> 00:57:00.780
And so I was like, oh, OK, you know, put that in the, put that in there.

884
00:57:00.920 --> 00:57:08.900
And so I just wonder if just him only talking about her or himself and not really being

885
00:57:08.900 --> 00:57:15.640
interested in a back and forth conversation, if that was him telling me who he was.

886
00:57:15.640 --> 00:57:16.540
I don't know.

887
00:57:16.540 --> 00:57:20.300
I mean, do you give someone like that another chance or?

888
00:57:21.120 --> 00:57:21.480
How long had he been divorced?

889
00:57:24.140 --> 00:57:26.060
I, a couple of years.

890
00:57:27.180 --> 00:57:29.900
I didn't ask specifically, but that's.

891
00:57:31.040 --> 00:57:32.120
That's what you're sensing.

892
00:57:32.420 --> 00:57:32.740
Yeah.

893
00:57:32.740 --> 00:57:37.380
Well, this is a really good question, you guys, because men say the same lines.

894
00:57:37.640 --> 00:57:38.760
Most of us have heard them.

895
00:57:38.940 --> 00:57:39.520
Ask me anything.

896
00:57:39.560 --> 00:57:40.400
I'm an open book.

897
00:57:41.200 --> 00:57:45.800
And I can't tell you if you could pull up the recordings, how many women say all he

898
00:57:45.800 --> 00:57:47.020
did was talk about himself.

899
00:57:48.780 --> 00:57:54.020
Yes, I think this is a real thing because you got to believe in a little while.

900
00:57:54.020 --> 00:57:56.140
Most men, you have to pull some out of them.

901
00:57:56.180 --> 00:57:59.100
So you know that that's not typical behavior, right?

902
00:57:59.100 --> 00:58:03.160
For me to talk so much that they over talk you is generally the woman who does it.

903
00:58:04.180 --> 00:58:10.880
But I do want to say this, that I don't think I don't know things he said to you.

904
00:58:10.920 --> 00:58:12.280
That's what I'm not privy to.

905
00:58:12.840 --> 00:58:18.060
Um, but the things you, the things you're saying didn't mean he showed, there was nothing.

906
00:58:18.480 --> 00:58:20.680
I don't think he showed you that he talks a lot.

907
00:58:21.440 --> 00:58:23.500
And they talk about his ex wife.

908
00:58:24.040 --> 00:58:28.660
Now, I don't, I don't see anything about his character in the things that he did.

909
00:58:28.780 --> 00:58:31.880
And one thing we have to remember, I'm not saying you have to give him another opportunity,

910
00:58:32.040 --> 00:58:34.300
but we do have to be careful about what we label.

911
00:58:35.180 --> 00:58:37.040
Because let's say you had a friend girl.

912
00:58:37.480 --> 00:58:39.940
Every time you start talking, she could, she cut you out.

913
00:58:39.940 --> 00:58:41.040
You're not going to go back home.

914
00:58:41.040 --> 00:58:42.640
She showed me who she was.

915
00:58:45.360 --> 00:58:46.460
You're not going to do it.

916
00:58:46.460 --> 00:58:48.640
You're going to be like, every time I talk, she cut me out.

917
00:58:48.720 --> 00:58:50.100
She got to stop this stuff.

918
00:58:50.980 --> 00:58:51.220
Right?

919
00:58:51.740 --> 00:58:52.180
All right.

920
00:58:52.240 --> 00:58:55.020
You got friends that every time you talk, they cut you out.

921
00:58:55.080 --> 00:58:56.580
And he's like, chill out, girl.

922
00:58:56.700 --> 00:58:58.460
Hold on, I got something to say.

923
00:58:59.740 --> 00:59:00.980
That's a real thing.

924
00:59:01.160 --> 00:59:04.840
And you build, I'm in close community with friend girls who cut me out.

925
00:59:04.900 --> 00:59:06.620
And I'm like, stop this stuff.

926
00:59:07.640 --> 00:59:09.480
So when they be like, okay, okay, okay.

927
00:59:09.480 --> 00:59:10.020
Go ahead and say it.

928
00:59:10.020 --> 00:59:10.660
Go ahead and say it.

929
00:59:10.660 --> 00:59:18.240
And so I just think that one, you could be picturing futuristic.

930
00:59:18.560 --> 00:59:22.220
Now that's not, that's, that's easy to do because you, you're marriage minded.

931
00:59:22.660 --> 00:59:23.140
Right?

932
00:59:23.140 --> 00:59:23.480
Yeah.

933
00:59:23.480 --> 00:59:28.100
But he didn't show you anything, in my opinion, just based on what you said.

934
00:59:28.280 --> 00:59:28.740
Yeah.

935
00:59:28.740 --> 00:59:31.320
That tells you something about his character.

936
00:59:31.820 --> 00:59:34.800
Now, I don't know how much community he has.

937
00:59:34.980 --> 00:59:38.280
Sometimes when people talk too much, especially females that I'm around,

938
00:59:38.280 --> 00:59:40.940
I know that they don't have anybody else to talk to.

939
00:59:41.400 --> 00:59:44.140
Because they're telling me every single thing they got to say.

940
00:59:44.560 --> 00:59:47.520
Every encounter they had with the Lord, everything the Lord told them, everything they did,

941
00:59:47.680 --> 00:59:49.540
everything that tells me they don't have anybody else to talk to.

942
00:59:50.080 --> 00:59:52.800
So as soon as they get in the women's group, they take over.

943
00:59:53.380 --> 00:59:53.720
Yeah.

944
00:59:53.720 --> 00:59:54.500
They keep talking.

945
00:59:54.600 --> 00:59:57.440
You be like, do they not recognize that there's other people here?

946
00:59:57.840 --> 00:59:59.980
But they don't because they don't have another.

947
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.820
Outlet and so they get in this outlet where other people may spill everything

948
01:00:04.920 --> 01:00:09.740
And so me and have a tendency to do that me have a tendency to say let me tell you everything go front

949
01:00:09.940 --> 01:00:13.820
So you can decide if you want me or not because most times

950
01:00:14.080 --> 01:00:17.120
Me and cough up the most money in the dating experience

951
01:00:18.380 --> 01:00:21.460
And I like if you don't want me here it is

952
01:00:21.460 --> 01:00:27.200
I've been a B C D E of G and then y'all right because like he just was talking about all his personal stuff and

953
01:00:28.340 --> 01:00:30.200
These men haven't been coached

954
01:00:32.420 --> 01:00:38.760
Before you got in this program. Well that you when I say you not you. Yeah. Yeah in this program

955
01:00:38.760 --> 01:00:43.320
we will sit down on a date and tell all of our business and spill all our

956
01:00:43.420 --> 01:00:50.180
Pearl before swine and say I'm just deep like this. You're not deep. You don't know how to build healthy connections

957
01:00:50.400 --> 01:00:51.820
That ain't deep

958
01:00:52.100 --> 01:00:57.180
Wisdom says you don't spill your pearl before swine because they will trample over it

959
01:00:57.200 --> 01:01:01.100
Yeah, your wisdom to people who value you and honor you

960
01:01:01.560 --> 01:01:08.140
so that means that you're not in community where you can share with people who value and honor what you share that you will get on

961
01:01:08.140 --> 01:01:12.860
A date with somebody and say I'm just deep like this. There's not deep

962
01:01:13.120 --> 01:01:17.160
That's not wisdom, right? And so a

963
01:01:17.160 --> 01:01:21.260
man who has not been trained can do or people go out on dates and they

964
01:01:21.420 --> 01:01:26.380
Feel like something's wrong if he didn't touch my hand or he didn't look at me as a sexual object

965
01:01:26.380 --> 01:01:31.040
You feel that way because that's the culture. We're a part of and you wonder does he want me?

966
01:01:31.440 --> 01:01:36.580
You've learned this whole system backwards and this comes to put it in the right order

967
01:01:36.680 --> 01:01:38.880
And so I don't feel like he did anything

968
01:01:38.880 --> 01:01:42.460
But if you're not interested in him, you don't have to go on another date with him, right?

969
01:01:43.960 --> 01:01:48.360
Faith with him. You can't go on another coffee date with him

970
01:01:48.520 --> 01:01:54.880
So this person is not the person you want to be with but you do enjoy going out with them do low stakes coffee date

971
01:01:54.880 --> 01:01:57.920
So they won't spend money on you like yeah. Yeah, right

972
01:01:58.700 --> 01:02:06.360
So I've done it. That's an honorable thing. Like no, we're not gonna have you spending your money like this, but you know, I

973
01:02:06.360 --> 01:02:06.740
Hope I

974
01:02:07.840 --> 01:02:15.040
Yeah. Yeah, that was good. And I'm gonna look at the chat to see if oh, yeah go for it

975
01:02:15.040 --> 01:02:20.920
Okay. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. Naomi. I

976
01:02:20.920 --> 01:02:21.840
Have a name

977
01:02:24.080 --> 01:02:24.120
So

978
01:02:24.880 --> 01:02:26.480
I have two questions

979
01:02:28.200 --> 01:02:37.580
One you remember that you told me like I should live fear on the side. Oh, yes, so I did that and

980
01:02:37.580 --> 01:02:39.360
There was this guy that approached me

981
01:02:40.220 --> 01:02:45.920
so my question is when this happened like we start talking about like I'm starting a business and

982
01:02:46.760 --> 01:02:51.780
I started explaining about what I was doing and he was like, hey, I can help you with it

983
01:02:51.840 --> 01:02:53.020
like doing marketing

984
01:02:53.900 --> 01:03:00.480
But my question is for example, how do I handle this like to not make this about job?

985
01:03:01.680 --> 01:03:08.040
Or work and to make that separation or do you think it is a good way to meet him a

986
01:03:09.400 --> 01:03:11.180
Good way to meet him. Uh-huh

987
01:03:11.640 --> 01:03:17.240
Yeah, I haven't met like I just feel like meet in person. Well, we have met in person. Oh

988
01:03:17.240 --> 01:03:18.800
Go to the same church

989
01:03:19.340 --> 01:03:20.840
Okay, I can

990
01:03:23.200 --> 01:03:24.760
And so your question is do I

991
01:03:25.020 --> 01:03:28.320
Do I think you guys talking about that is a good way to meet him?

992
01:03:28.420 --> 01:03:32.040
Oh to get to know him better because y'all have that in common. Mm-hmm

993
01:03:33.260 --> 01:03:39.080
But you've already met. Oh y'all know each other but y'all haven't went on like a coffee date or anything like that. No, no

994
01:03:41.380 --> 01:03:44.220
But he likes you or no, this is

995
01:03:45.440 --> 01:03:47.660
But you like him. Yes

996
01:03:48.360 --> 01:03:50.240
You want to go on a coffee date with him?

997
01:03:52.340 --> 01:03:54.320
No, no, we haven't

998
01:03:55.140 --> 01:03:59.500
So the first time oh, so now I see why I'm trying to understand

999
01:03:59.500 --> 01:04:06.400
So you're saying is this a good way to lead into let's go grab a cup of coffee and talk about the marketing strategy

1000
01:04:07.560 --> 01:04:08.760
yes, or

1001
01:04:08.800 --> 01:04:10.880
Make a separation, you know, like

1002
01:04:12.100 --> 01:04:15.600
Or how do I continue the conversation now?

1003
01:04:15.600 --> 01:04:18.860
You can say this you can say I really like that

1004
01:04:18.860 --> 01:04:20.900
About marketing you want to help me

1005
01:04:21.100 --> 01:04:25.800
But I would like to lay that aside and see if you like just grab a cup of coffee and see we can get to

1006
01:04:25.800 --> 01:04:30.240
Know each other a little bit better before we start, you know talking about those things like I would be interested

1007
01:04:30.360 --> 01:04:34.860
So you want to make the distinction so he don't think that you're tying this to it

1008
01:04:34.860 --> 01:04:38.100
Like, you know, I'm so glad you know about these things

1009
01:04:38.120 --> 01:04:45.160
But as I'm getting to know you I would be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee to get to know you better

1010
01:04:45.160 --> 01:04:52.280
Outside of those things first, what are your thoughts? I always I want you to come back strong with what are your thoughts about it?

1011
01:04:53.420 --> 01:04:59.280
And so that gives him the autonomy to say oh, well, I'm not really interested that way

1012
01:04:59.280 --> 01:04:59.980
but the

1013
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.180
way you say it keeps it open so you can write down what I just said so you can say it that

1014
01:05:06.180 --> 01:05:10.180
way if you like it that way you can say well it don't sound like me it don't have to sound like

1015
01:05:10.180 --> 01:05:16.060
you it gotta sound like the one who's helping you get this date this is the language say you know

1016
01:05:16.400 --> 01:05:20.820
I really like that you know a lot about this area because I need this information

1017
01:05:20.960 --> 01:05:28.080
now that we've been chatting I want to lay that to the side for a moment and I was wondering if

1018
01:05:28.080 --> 01:05:32.880
just like to go grab a cup of coffee so I can get to know you better I'm interested in knowing you

1019
01:05:33.860 --> 01:05:40.440
what are your thoughts about me so good you think you can do that no

1020
01:05:42.360 --> 01:05:46.720
it sounds like a business proposition you gotta make it sound like I'm doing business

1021
01:05:46.720 --> 01:05:52.340
with your brother like this it don't sound like real like will you check the box yes or no do

1022
01:05:53.220 --> 01:05:58.260
oh it's like you know hey you're such a wonderful person I want to get to know you

1023
01:06:06.780 --> 01:06:09.780
I live in Ecuador okay

1024
01:06:10.480 --> 01:06:13.220
I'm like she's from Brazil

1025
01:06:18.520 --> 01:06:24.780
yeah and then I have another question there is also another guy in the same church

1026
01:06:25.800 --> 01:06:32.140
and this guy is always trying to approach me and I'm terrible I don't know why but I'm like

1027
01:06:32.140 --> 01:06:42.360
I will run away and I will just not do it but then I'm also like thinking because I was like

1028
01:06:42.920 --> 01:06:49.380
um listening to the other girls that were saying like you get a lot in your head and you start

1029
01:06:49.380 --> 01:06:57.820
like seeing the person and you start creating like a story of who is that person yeah but you really

1030
01:06:57.820 --> 01:07:05.000
don't know him but because of that I'm like okay I need to stop doing this and not stop it but it's

1031
01:07:05.640 --> 01:07:13.580
keep doing it and also the other thing is like if the two guys are from the same church like

1032
01:07:14.100 --> 01:07:26.180
how do you do the dance like I don't know how you handle that well I mean is it a small church

1033
01:07:26.900 --> 01:07:31.300
it is do you like the one that's trying to approach you

1034
01:07:34.180 --> 01:07:40.340
yeah oh let him approach you smile at him look at him make yourself available when he walk out

1035
01:07:40.340 --> 01:07:46.040
the church go walk outside in the parking lot when everybody else is there you know like like

1036
01:07:46.040 --> 01:07:52.820
oh hey how are you doing today speak to him look him in his eyes when you speak the one who's trying

1037
01:07:52.820 --> 01:07:57.320
to get to you to get a date I think that you should I would more lend myself to him than the

1038
01:07:57.320 --> 01:08:03.700
one that hasn't asked me yet if I have to be honest with you wait when again the one who is

1039
01:08:03.700 --> 01:08:10.280
looking for you to ask you out the one you know that likes you I would lend myself to him first

1040
01:08:10.280 --> 01:08:15.740
because he is pursuing you you know that he's trying to get you get to you and you do like him

1041
01:08:16.140 --> 01:08:22.120
and so I want you to smile at him make eye contact and find a reason to talk to him and he will take

1042
01:08:22.120 --> 01:08:27.500
it from there all you gotta do is look at him in the eyes you know when you make that direct eye

1043
01:08:28.100 --> 01:08:33.819
contact he know he gonna go for it you just need to talk to him now Naomi I need to hear about a

1044
01:08:33.819 --> 01:08:41.160
date next week y'all go get coffee after church come on man I need to come to your church today

1045
01:08:41.160 --> 01:08:43.399
you like that how many y'all want to go

1046
01:08:48.420 --> 01:08:54.000
yes yeah so look back at him speak to him ask him how he's doing how's the day going

1047
01:08:54.000 --> 01:08:58.120
you know what he's been up to make eye contact this guy that likes you right

1048
01:08:58.340 --> 01:09:03.760
and you like him too you gonna do it yes

1049
01:09:06.500 --> 01:09:17.640
do it do it do it do it I'm gonna do it okay good go for him first though don't wait

1050
01:09:17.640 --> 01:09:23.720
but I will go I will let him go first since he he's he wants you like you know for a fact that

1051
01:09:23.720 --> 01:09:40.600
he does okay all right thank you you're welcome Sarah hello hello so um I guess my question is

1052
01:09:40.600 --> 01:09:46.680
kind of similar to what we've been talking about um I will in in a lot of the programs they've

1053
01:09:46.870 --> 01:09:54.029
to be open you know um especially when we're just starting to date and stuff so I've been

1054
01:09:54.029 --> 01:09:58.310
kind of looking at people's profiles and trying not to make any assumptions about them and just

1055
01:09:58.310 --> 01:09:59.970
being like oh they look nice they

1056
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.820
look, you know, safe. So I'm going to go on a date with them, even though they're not necessarily

1057
01:10:04.820 --> 01:10:14.000
somebody that I would have chosen, maybe. Anyway, so I did that. But then the guy that I went out

1058
01:10:14.000 --> 01:10:18.600
with, I went on a couple of dates with him. And I felt like by the end of those couple of dates,

1059
01:10:18.600 --> 01:10:22.880
I felt like he was basically exactly who I thought he was from the very beginning.

1060
01:10:22.880 --> 01:10:29.380
Like, so at first, when I first saw his profile, I thought, okay, he looks, you know,

1061
01:10:29.640 --> 01:10:35.880
pretty like straight edge and like, just not very interesting. Like, he just, but I thought,

1062
01:10:35.940 --> 01:10:41.420
you know, I'm going to be open. He looks, he's, he's relatively attractive. He seems safe. Like,

1063
01:10:41.680 --> 01:10:46.680
I'm just going to go out on a date and give him a chance. But yeah, but now looking back, I'm like,

1064
01:10:46.800 --> 01:10:52.200
well, he's basically exactly who I figured he was going to be from my first impressions of him.

1065
01:10:52.200 --> 01:10:56.480
So then I'm thinking, okay, maybe I need to pay more attention to my first impressions.

1066
01:10:58.660 --> 01:11:02.540
So maybe I'm not being picky enough. Do you think I'm not being picky enough?

1067
01:11:04.580 --> 01:11:06.840
What did he turn out to be?

1068
01:11:07.360 --> 01:11:12.540
Just, just not, I mean, just not very interesting. Like, I kind of got the impression that

1069
01:11:12.540 --> 01:11:19.340
from his profile, he didn't really get out much. He just, he just didn't seem like an overall

1070
01:11:19.340 --> 01:11:21.840
very interesting person, I guess.

1071
01:11:22.220 --> 01:11:27.200
Okay. Well, I think that all of us come with the level of intuition as a woman.

1072
01:11:27.720 --> 01:11:31.340
And so we have intuition. God has given it to us. And then what God defended,

1073
01:11:31.700 --> 01:11:35.740
I don't think it necessarily means you need to be more picky because he was safe

1074
01:11:35.840 --> 01:11:42.280
and you did have a date with him. That was your goal. And then you find out the second date,

1075
01:11:42.380 --> 01:11:47.660
he's not going to make it for the long haul. And so then you kindly and gently release him.

1076
01:11:48.220 --> 01:11:55.020
But the, but you got the job done. Okay. You didn't put on a wedding dress,

1077
01:11:55.820 --> 01:12:02.120
but you got the job done. Right now you're dating for discovery. And if you remember that's your

1078
01:12:02.900 --> 01:12:11.180
goal, you'll find yourself enjoying the process and refining as you go. So this is a refinement

1079
01:12:11.180 --> 01:12:15.320
because you say, should I refine something that I'm doing? That's what dating does. When you date

1080
01:12:15.320 --> 01:12:20.580
that person, you'd be like, oh, I kind of thought that, oh, it seemed like that. You can say, well,

1081
01:12:20.580 --> 01:12:24.420
do I need to refine more? You don't need to refine more. That was a good question.

1082
01:12:25.280 --> 01:12:32.400
Okay. Like, I don't think you need to be more picky. I think if you said like, I picked him,

1083
01:12:33.140 --> 01:12:39.060
he was like ratchet, cussing, just a party animal. I knew it from when I looked at him,

1084
01:12:39.060 --> 01:12:44.960
he looked like this was going to be the type of time I had with him. It was horrible. Then yeah,

1085
01:12:45.320 --> 01:12:49.740
whatever that profile was like, when you picked him, don't pick another profile like that.

1086
01:12:49.740 --> 01:12:54.420
Like, have you ever picked somebody and by the time they like you back, you go back and look at

1087
01:12:54.420 --> 01:12:59.740
their profile, like what was I thinking when I picked them? What did I do before? Like,

1088
01:13:00.040 --> 01:13:03.180
wait, because you know, when you're on that scroll and you can't find no good matches,

1089
01:13:03.200 --> 01:13:08.580
like, okay, let me just chill and let me pick somebody. And then you get to picking for some

1090
01:13:08.580 --> 01:13:12.420
reason, these crazy people. And then they talk back to you and be like,

1091
01:13:13.140 --> 01:13:20.120
why am I even talking to this fool? When did I pick him? Who picked him? So like sometimes,

1092
01:13:20.140 --> 01:13:25.040
that's what I'm talking about. Like, sometimes you'll end up doing that. And then you'll know,

1093
01:13:25.040 --> 01:13:31.260
like, hey, that I won't do that particular thing again. But I think that you're doing well. I think

1094
01:13:31.260 --> 01:13:39.780
you went out on the same date. But then am I wasting my time? If he was exactly who I thought

1095
01:13:39.780 --> 01:13:44.560
he was going to be, and I wasn't super interested in that type of person, am I wasting my time?

1096
01:13:44.940 --> 01:13:50.460
Or am I getting good experience dating? Right, you're getting good experience dating. You never

1097
01:13:50.460 --> 01:13:56.380
waste your time when you invest in yourself. Okay. So we keep thinking that when I go out

1098
01:13:56.380 --> 01:14:02.060
on these dates during phase two, because this is the phase you're in. You're in a dating phase.

1099
01:14:02.840 --> 01:14:08.840
So you're getting seven dates. That's pretty fast, pretty quick in a short amount of time.

1100
01:14:08.860 --> 01:14:15.240
It's like rapid dating. That's the reason why you set a number like that. So you can do this

1101
01:14:16.880 --> 01:14:21.720
and not get hung up and not get stuck and not get in your head, but keep moving, keep moving,

1102
01:14:22.080 --> 01:14:25.620
keep moving. That's the goal. You see the pace of it. So when you set something like seven

1103
01:14:25.620 --> 01:14:30.420
and you're in this phase, you can be in it up for a little while, but you're looking at most people

1104
01:14:30.420 --> 01:14:36.520
five to six weeks in this phase. Seven dates is a lot for people who work, who got a life,

1105
01:14:36.740 --> 01:14:42.400
who got stuff going on. So it's like a rapid thing. Let's keep it moving, learn and keep it

1106
01:14:42.400 --> 01:14:47.200
moving, learn and keep it moving. But when you keep saying, if you keep thinking, I'm wasting

1107
01:14:47.200 --> 01:14:53.160
my time, you can't waste your time investing in you. You can't waste your time learning in you.

1108
01:14:53.160 --> 01:14:55.780
You can't waste your time having to set boundaries.

1109
01:14:56.320 --> 01:14:59.980
You can't waste your time when it stings because they ghosted you. You can't.

1110
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.840
waste your time because you get to bounce back

1111
01:15:02.840 --> 01:15:06.460
and how you bounce back, the resilience that it builds in you.

1112
01:15:06.460 --> 01:15:09.420
When you speak up for yourself, how powerful you feel.

1113
01:15:09.520 --> 01:15:11.780
When you show grace and say, you know what?

1114
01:15:11.840 --> 01:15:14.660
I was ready to cut him out, but he's a pretty OK guy.

1115
01:15:15.980 --> 01:15:16.860
Oh, OK.

1116
01:15:17.060 --> 01:15:18.560
He's not my type.

1117
01:15:18.620 --> 01:15:21.200
Do you know you can meet a good man and he not be yours?

1118
01:15:21.800 --> 01:15:24.600
You can meet a great man and he's not yours.

1119
01:15:25.820 --> 01:15:28.120
Sometimes you have to give up the good for the better

1120
01:15:28.120 --> 01:15:29.900
and the better for the great.

1121
01:15:30.900 --> 01:15:32.100
It's a real thing.

1122
01:15:32.200 --> 01:15:33.720
I did a whole teaching on it.

1123
01:15:33.740 --> 01:15:35.500
It's a real thing and it hurts.

1124
01:15:37.200 --> 01:15:41.480
And so I think that it helps a lot when we make this phase

1125
01:15:41.480 --> 01:15:45.660
the goal to be what it is, dating for discovery.

1126
01:15:47.180 --> 01:15:49.300
And enjoy along the way.

1127
01:15:49.480 --> 01:15:52.860
It was like, I thought you were boring in exactly what you turn.

1128
01:15:53.800 --> 01:15:57.140
And then you say to myself, yeah, I met Jeff and he's very boring.

1129
01:15:58.500 --> 01:16:01.600
I know that I don't desire a boring husband,

1130
01:16:02.500 --> 01:16:04.840
but I did like that he kept his word.

1131
01:16:05.260 --> 01:16:07.460
I did like that he did what he said he was going to do.

1132
01:16:07.780 --> 01:16:10.140
I did like that he didn't dishonor my boundaries.

1133
01:16:10.580 --> 01:16:12.320
You know, it feels good to be a woman.

1134
01:16:12.640 --> 01:16:14.640
I did like that he planned the date.

1135
01:16:14.680 --> 01:16:16.700
I'm just saying, I'm not saying he did that, but I'm just saying

1136
01:16:16.720 --> 01:16:18.600
like there are so many things you could pick out.

1137
01:16:18.660 --> 01:16:19.940
I did enjoy that.

1138
01:16:20.680 --> 01:16:22.800
I did enjoy like getting to know him.

1139
01:16:22.880 --> 01:16:26.580
It was totally different from texting in person, but it was kind of fun.

1140
01:16:27.180 --> 01:16:30.600
Right. It's nice to know that within a week I planned our wedding.

1141
01:16:30.760 --> 01:16:32.420
Maybe I should stop that kind of stuff.

1142
01:16:32.680 --> 01:16:35.480
It's nice. Oh, I thought to myself, well, maybe I can move over here

1143
01:16:35.480 --> 01:16:36.400
within two days.

1144
01:16:36.480 --> 01:16:38.880
You know, maybe I should stop that kind of stuff.

1145
01:16:39.180 --> 01:16:42.060
Oh, I did fantasize for a whole week before I met him.

1146
01:16:42.080 --> 01:16:44.020
That's why I'm so disappointed and disappointed.

1147
01:16:44.120 --> 01:16:45.360
Maybe I should stop this stuff.

1148
01:16:45.360 --> 01:16:48.560
Like there's so much you can extract from it besides.

1149
01:16:49.580 --> 01:16:51.340
They weren't exactly what I thought.

1150
01:16:51.580 --> 01:16:54.260
Yeah, they're who they are and who they are.

1151
01:16:54.280 --> 01:16:55.340
Didn't this suit you?

1152
01:16:56.540 --> 01:17:00.520
Yeah. And what about like part of me being open

1153
01:17:00.520 --> 01:17:04.260
and kind of what I thought I had heard in the program was to date

1154
01:17:04.360 --> 01:17:08.720
to not necessarily limit to your geographical location, but kind of date

1155
01:17:08.720 --> 01:17:11.900
because you don't know where your husband is necessarily. Yeah.

1156
01:17:12.320 --> 01:17:16.640
But then but then when I find somebody that I like in there,

1157
01:17:16.640 --> 01:17:18.960
you know, for example, in Illinois and I'm in Texas,

1158
01:17:19.640 --> 01:17:23.680
then I'm like, OK, well, like where is this going to go?

1159
01:17:23.680 --> 01:17:27.280
And like, how far can we actually go at this distance, you know?

1160
01:17:27.320 --> 01:17:28.980
And like, how can I actually meet them?

1161
01:17:29.340 --> 01:17:32.240
I mean, I know you can do like a video call,

1162
01:17:33.460 --> 01:17:36.540
but I after I don't know, after

1163
01:17:37.340 --> 01:17:39.500
going on a few dates, I was kind of wondering

1164
01:17:39.500 --> 01:17:43.140
if I should just limit my location in Texas for now, just so I can

1165
01:17:43.380 --> 01:17:46.120
at least be able to quickly go on the dates with them

1166
01:17:46.120 --> 01:17:48.840
and not be limited by that by distance.

1167
01:17:49.480 --> 01:17:51.060
Right. Let me tell you something.

1168
01:17:51.060 --> 01:17:52.740
Texas is big enough for you to limit.

1169
01:17:53.060 --> 01:17:54.780
I pass up some people in Dallas.

1170
01:17:54.860 --> 01:17:55.940
I'm like, I can't do it.

1171
01:17:55.940 --> 01:17:57.360
I don't feel like getting on the road.

1172
01:17:58.080 --> 01:18:00.440
San Antonio, because I'm in Austin, I'm in Georgetown.

1173
01:18:00.860 --> 01:18:02.080
So I'll do San Antonio.

1174
01:18:02.360 --> 01:18:06.480
But yeah, I think you should limit right now to get seven dates.

1175
01:18:06.900 --> 01:18:11.920
And so it would be good to to to cap your surrounding area

1176
01:18:12.000 --> 01:18:14.660
to where you can do a date with the person there,

1177
01:18:14.940 --> 01:18:17.940
because even if they're in Dallas or even if they're in Houston,

1178
01:18:18.740 --> 01:18:20.820
they're still going to have to wait until weekend.

1179
01:18:21.120 --> 01:18:23.020
Let's say somebody told you they were right in.

1180
01:18:24.500 --> 01:18:26.100
I know what part of Austin are you in?

1181
01:18:26.340 --> 01:18:27.600
If they said they were in Georgetown,

1182
01:18:27.800 --> 01:18:31.100
you guys can meet halfway on a Friday or Thursday,

1183
01:18:31.280 --> 01:18:33.800
even like anything for a cup of coffee to get it over with

1184
01:18:33.800 --> 01:18:35.560
or on a Saturday morning for a cup.

1185
01:18:35.620 --> 01:18:39.160
Like there's just the convenience of being right there

1186
01:18:39.160 --> 01:18:42.960
instead of taking a whole day to plan to meet somebody halfway.

1187
01:18:44.460 --> 01:18:46.540
So local serves well.

1188
01:18:46.540 --> 01:18:49.180
And if you're not, long distance is a lot of work.

1189
01:18:49.240 --> 01:18:51.300
So you're not willing to do that.

1190
01:18:51.400 --> 01:18:52.560
It's a lot of sacrifice.

1191
01:18:52.920 --> 01:18:55.500
And you get to know people through experience.

1192
01:18:56.880 --> 01:19:00.380
But I believe that if something comes across your path

1193
01:19:00.380 --> 01:19:03.380
and you are introduced to somebody who lives in another state,

1194
01:19:03.580 --> 01:19:05.080
I'm saying don't limit.

1195
01:19:05.340 --> 01:19:07.620
They're saying don't limit God in there.

1196
01:19:08.380 --> 01:19:08.960
No, OK.

1197
01:19:08.980 --> 01:19:12.400
But I mean, you got to necessarily go out looking for me and this out of state.

1198
01:19:13.260 --> 01:19:14.300
OK, so.

1199
01:19:14.300 --> 01:19:17.080
But if I called you upstairs like I got this great guy,

1200
01:19:17.180 --> 01:19:19.180
I think you guys would be wonderful together.

1201
01:19:19.200 --> 01:19:20.580
But he's in North Carolina.

1202
01:19:21.200 --> 01:19:23.420
Do you want to just talk to him and give him a try?

1203
01:19:23.820 --> 01:19:27.340
And if that's like something presented to you, you can say, you know what?

1204
01:19:27.500 --> 01:19:29.160
I'll be willing to talk to him.

1205
01:19:29.160 --> 01:19:32.660
And then he ends up being your your spirit mate, right?

1206
01:19:32.660 --> 01:19:34.720
Something like that. That's a little different.

1207
01:19:36.860 --> 01:19:38.520
OK, yeah, thank you.

1208
01:19:38.620 --> 01:19:40.200
That's helpful. You're welcome.

1209
01:19:42.120 --> 01:19:43.000
OK, good.

1210
01:19:43.640 --> 01:19:46.760
Oh, is Karen still here?

1211
01:19:49.760 --> 01:19:52.580
No. OK, no, Karen.

1212
01:19:58.140 --> 01:19:59.720
OK, no, Karen.

1213
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.000
Um, Jodi, oh, I wrote you down twice, Jodi.

1214
01:20:07.120 --> 01:20:07.960
I don't know why.

1215
01:20:08.340 --> 01:20:09.360
Brandy, sorry.

1216
01:20:10.260 --> 01:20:10.940
That's weird.

1217
01:20:11.240 --> 01:20:11.680
Brandy.

1218
01:20:12.980 --> 01:20:14.020
Hey, Brandy.

1219
01:20:14.340 --> 01:20:14.860
Hi.

1220
01:20:16.080 --> 01:20:17.380
Good to see you.

1221
01:20:17.620 --> 01:20:18.700
Good to see you.

1222
01:20:18.920 --> 01:20:23.080
I have a question that I kind of figured out the answer maybe,

1223
01:20:23.100 --> 01:20:26.200
but I still want to run it past you and see what you would say.

1224
01:20:26.660 --> 01:20:27.180
Yeah.

1225
01:20:27.180 --> 01:20:31.860
So I'm going to try and condense this a little bit if I can.

1226
01:20:32.020 --> 01:20:37.620
But I did put it in the, you know, wherever the updates go.

1227
01:20:38.000 --> 01:20:39.840
And folks are like, yeah, well, I'd

1228
01:20:39.840 --> 01:20:41.440
like to know the answer to this one, too.

1229
01:20:41.440 --> 01:20:44.000
So this is for all of us, I guess.

1230
01:20:44.600 --> 01:20:45.400
Oh, yeah.

1231
01:20:45.400 --> 01:20:48.200
I saw somebody saying they want to know the answer to that also.

1232
01:20:48.380 --> 01:20:48.920
Go ahead.

1233
01:20:50.460 --> 01:20:54.280
So I've been talking to someone on Facebook.

1234
01:20:54.280 --> 01:20:59.080
And last week, we agreed to meet,

1235
01:20:59.180 --> 01:21:00.900
but I had to go out of town for a family reunion,

1236
01:21:01.020 --> 01:21:01.720
so it didn't work.

1237
01:21:01.800 --> 01:21:04.180
So we're past, like, the two-week mark.

1238
01:21:05.920 --> 01:21:08.880
And I was the person who dropped the hanky.

1239
01:21:09.000 --> 01:21:11.140
But I realized maybe it's more about the style

1240
01:21:11.280 --> 01:21:13.180
of dropping the hanky, because I literally said,

1241
01:21:13.240 --> 01:21:14.900
hey, would you like to get together for coffee?

1242
01:21:15.260 --> 01:21:18.100
Versus saying, it's nice to get together for coffee

1243
01:21:18.100 --> 01:21:20.680
and letting that person, like, lead from there.

1244
01:21:20.860 --> 01:21:23.020
So I don't know if it's just, like, a nuanced thing,

1245
01:21:23.020 --> 01:21:24.380
but I'm just sorting it out.

1246
01:21:25.340 --> 01:21:28.260
So basically, he said, yeah, sure, I'd like that.

1247
01:21:28.420 --> 01:21:28.980
Great, great, great.

1248
01:21:29.000 --> 01:21:30.920
And he kept trying to give me his phone number.

1249
01:21:30.980 --> 01:21:32.480
I'm like, I'm not taking phone numbers

1250
01:21:32.480 --> 01:21:33.720
unless I've met you in person.

1251
01:21:33.880 --> 01:21:36.120
Like, I won't, like, I don't need,

1252
01:21:36.280 --> 01:21:37.620
we don't need to be texting and all that.

1253
01:21:37.680 --> 01:21:39.920
Like, I just, that's a personal thing for me.

1254
01:21:40.120 --> 01:21:42.580
And when I say that, guys are OK with it,

1255
01:21:42.580 --> 01:21:44.540
so I don't feel like that's the worst thing.

1256
01:21:45.280 --> 01:21:49.880
But all that to say, he wouldn't give any, like,

1257
01:21:49.940 --> 01:21:52.300
he wasn't working on details at all.

1258
01:21:52.300 --> 01:21:56.680
So, like, he didn't ask, like, where we would meet or anything.

1259
01:21:56.880 --> 01:21:58.840
And, like, he said yes, right?

1260
01:21:58.840 --> 01:22:00.260
Like, yes, I want to get together for coffee.

1261
01:22:00.280 --> 01:22:01.040
That'd be great.

1262
01:22:01.260 --> 01:22:03.320
But, you know, as time went on,

1263
01:22:03.500 --> 01:22:06.460
he never mentioned really any details about it.

1264
01:22:06.460 --> 01:22:08.420
Like, babe, yeah, maybe Tuesday.

1265
01:22:08.680 --> 01:22:11.080
That was all he supplied.

1266
01:22:11.460 --> 01:22:14.240
And so I was fighting with the idea of, like,

1267
01:22:14.240 --> 01:22:17.340
do I need to keep asking him if he wants to go on a date

1268
01:22:17.340 --> 01:22:19.320
or does he want to still get coffee?

1269
01:22:19.320 --> 01:22:24.060
So I did ask him, I think, yesterday before I sent the message,

1270
01:22:24.120 --> 01:22:26.600
like, hey, do you still want to get together for coffee?

1271
01:22:26.740 --> 01:22:27.640
Just check him in.

1272
01:22:27.820 --> 01:22:28.980
And he said yes.

1273
01:22:28.980 --> 01:22:30.420
That was his whole response.

1274
01:22:31.080 --> 01:22:32.400
Yes, exclamation point.

1275
01:22:32.480 --> 01:22:35.460
No other follow up sentence, nothing more.

1276
01:22:36.020 --> 01:22:38.460
And I was just like, I don't know what to do with this

1277
01:22:38.740 --> 01:22:42.180
because I feel like I either have to ask for more details,

1278
01:22:42.180 --> 01:22:44.420
which makes me feel like the planner.

1279
01:22:44.560 --> 01:22:46.560
Maybe I'm not the planner, but I feel like the planner

1280
01:22:46.560 --> 01:22:49.060
if I'm, you know, providing all the details.

1281
01:22:50.320 --> 01:22:52.420
Or I just have to wait and let it play out.

1282
01:22:53.240 --> 01:22:55.420
So I didn't like that.

1283
01:22:55.580 --> 01:22:58.420
So I just decided there's too much confusion.

1284
01:22:58.580 --> 01:22:59.940
So I don't want to go on the date anymore.

1285
01:23:01.360 --> 01:23:04.340
I don't feel like I'm the person who's planning all of the details.

1286
01:23:04.860 --> 01:23:07.320
And I kind of just I don't know if it was the best idea,

1287
01:23:07.580 --> 01:23:11.260
but I kind of gracefully said something along those lines.

1288
01:23:11.940 --> 01:23:16.500
And I said, you know, thank you so much for your time as well.

1289
01:23:17.100 --> 01:23:21.720
And I just, you know, wanted to share like why this was maybe a little frustrating for me.

1290
01:23:21.840 --> 01:23:25.640
And then, of course, like he said, oh, no, I really want to.

1291
01:23:25.920 --> 01:23:26.280
Let's try again.

1292
01:23:26.360 --> 01:23:27.240
Can we organize?

1293
01:23:27.640 --> 01:23:28.200
Let's do all the things.

1294
01:23:28.300 --> 01:23:30.260
And then like he was really responsive.

1295
01:23:30.380 --> 01:23:34.560
So we're actually going to all this to say we're actually going to get together

1296
01:23:34.880 --> 01:23:36.480
for a virtual date tomorrow.

1297
01:23:36.720 --> 01:23:40.240
But I'm not I'm just like, OK, let me just follow this.

1298
01:23:40.240 --> 01:23:41.820
And I don't think he's going to be my person.

1299
01:23:42.020 --> 01:23:47.300
But for the sake of discovery, I will go see what's around this corner.

1300
01:23:47.620 --> 01:23:49.640
But I don't suspect it's going to be anything.

1301
01:23:49.940 --> 01:23:52.960
But it could be a great learning opportunity for him and for me.

1302
01:23:53.060 --> 01:23:56.500
And to just simply practice like being in communication with another human

1303
01:23:56.640 --> 01:23:57.900
who's on the dating journey.

1304
01:23:58.400 --> 01:23:59.840
So that's where I'm at.

1305
01:23:59.920 --> 01:24:03.160
But I just wanted to share like my process as best I could.

1306
01:24:03.820 --> 01:24:09.580
Yeah. Oh, OK.

1307
01:24:09.580 --> 01:24:12.700
He's your single Renee's single guy friend.

1308
01:24:13.020 --> 01:24:14.520
They asked to join here.

1309
01:24:14.700 --> 01:24:16.160
That's who it is, Renee.

1310
01:24:17.380 --> 01:24:20.780
Oh. No, I'm not you, Brandy.

1311
01:24:21.360 --> 01:24:23.920
Renee, how do you know that the person Brandon is talking about

1312
01:24:23.920 --> 01:24:24.800
your single guy friend?

1313
01:24:25.000 --> 01:24:26.520
Did he tell you about her?

1314
01:24:26.360 --> 01:24:28.600
No. Oh, what?

1315
01:24:30.060 --> 01:24:32.140
OK, hold up, Renee, hold up.

1316
01:24:32.740 --> 01:24:37.500
Randy, so listen, this is how we can avoid, ladies, this thing about

1317
01:24:37.500 --> 01:24:41.160
I suggested I dropped the hangy, but he's not picking up in planning.

1318
01:24:41.680 --> 01:24:45.080
Well, if you suggest something, sometimes it could suggest

1319
01:24:45.080 --> 01:24:47.660
that you're going to come through with the rest of the plans possibly.

1320
01:24:48.100 --> 01:24:49.460
But this is what I do.

1321
01:24:50.180 --> 01:24:52.500
But I won't have to have any back and forth questions.

1322
01:24:53.740 --> 01:24:56.020
Always. This is my practice.

1323
01:24:56.400 --> 01:24:59.980
I would love to grab a cup of coffee if you're interested.

1324
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.960
It let me know these are the dates and times that I have available, but I'm going to always end it with

1325
01:25:06.120 --> 01:25:09.780
Let me know what works for you. This is my availability

1326
01:25:11.140 --> 01:25:15.780
I I I have an idea. I think it would be great if we got together for a cup of coffee

1327
01:25:16.260 --> 01:25:18.480
What are your thoughts about that?

1328
01:25:19.120 --> 01:25:23.060
So it eliminates any thought in my mind. Did they just go along because I asked

1329
01:25:23.060 --> 01:25:27.420
It eliminated thoughts in my mind. Did we have to plan so they're like, yeah, that'd be great like hey

1330
01:25:27.420 --> 01:25:32.540
Well here are my dates and times. Let me know whatever coffee shop works best for you

1331
01:25:33.360 --> 01:25:35.700
And I think this is going to be fun

1332
01:25:36.700 --> 01:25:43.800
So that gets all this did I do did they do it whoever did it is done, but they have everything to go with

1333
01:25:44.160 --> 01:25:47.900
And if I have to follow up you I follow up in fullness

1334
01:25:47.900 --> 01:25:54.960
So when you say like do you still want to do coffee? I will say hey haven't heard much from you about the coffee date

1335
01:25:55.760 --> 01:26:03.000
I am interested in going if you are still interested in going these are the times that I have available that day

1336
01:26:03.440 --> 01:26:07.920
Let me know where and what time works best for you

1337
01:26:08.340 --> 01:26:13.240
I would really like it if you were able to get back with me by this date and time

1338
01:26:13.240 --> 01:26:19.320
Whatever as detailed as you could get that gives them all of your information so you won't have to worry

1339
01:26:20.280 --> 01:26:23.440
About did they not have what they needed to make it happen?

1340
01:26:25.040 --> 01:26:29.100
Um, sometimes guys will put it back in your cup like wherever you pick why do they do that?

1341
01:26:29.140 --> 01:26:33.680
Not because they're not planners. They could be not planning some guys suck at planning, but they want to please you

1342
01:26:35.560 --> 01:26:40.760
And we keep seeking out sometimes we go like well they didn't plan nothing, you know, i'm not doing it

1343
01:26:40.760 --> 01:26:45.700
I'm not doing all the work. They're gonna have to show me that they do work. There's a danger in that mindset

1344
01:26:46.860 --> 01:26:52.040
Because your husband could suck at planning and he could be a great man, but he could suck at planning

1345
01:26:52.740 --> 01:26:56.300
You know, I just want us to be really mindful of that mindset

1346
01:26:57.220 --> 01:27:02.500
And you have to be willing to to like give what's needed to make it happen

1347
01:27:03.040 --> 01:27:09.080
Even if they say I don't know what's in your area. Oh, oh, okay. That's a great question. You want to be closer to me?

1348
01:27:09.320 --> 01:27:15.860
I'll uh, you know this this is the zip code that I'm in or something that i'm around this mall area

1349
01:27:16.020 --> 01:27:20.880
Something like that to give them a little more details as to what they plan if it's a big place

1350
01:27:21.520 --> 01:27:27.820
Right, so i'm in a little small town georgetown or if it was texas small like whatever coffee shop you pick i'll be in distance

1351
01:27:27.820 --> 01:27:32.740
Very short distance of it. And so brenda, that's one way to navigate that

1352
01:27:34.080 --> 01:27:35.120
and um

1353
01:27:35.120 --> 01:27:36.540
Yeah, and another thing too

1354
01:27:36.540 --> 01:27:42.820
Sometimes when a woman doesn't want to talk on the phone and give her number sometimes men get nervous that it's a catfish

1355
01:27:42.940 --> 01:27:45.200
that's a real thing and it's like

1356
01:27:45.660 --> 01:27:48.320
You don't give me your number, but you want to go out with me?

1357
01:27:49.060 --> 01:27:53.060
You don't want to hear my voice, but you want me to show up at a coffee shop and talk to you

1358
01:27:54.100 --> 01:27:56.100
Right, like that's a real

1359
01:27:56.880 --> 01:27:57.760
plausible thing

1360
01:27:57.760 --> 01:28:01.800
If a man told me that he wouldn't talk on the phone to me

1361
01:28:02.080 --> 01:28:04.500
He ain't gonna see me in no coffee shop

1362
01:28:05.040 --> 01:28:11.660
That's just me. I don't I need to hear your voice. However, you asked him to do a video call or

1363
01:28:12.100 --> 01:28:15.960
So that's a different thing. So I don't want to leave that out because

1364
01:28:15.960 --> 01:28:20.620
You you ask so you want to do a video call? So you're telling him I want to see you

1365
01:28:20.720 --> 01:28:23.860
I'm, just not in the business of giving out my number to a person

1366
01:28:23.860 --> 01:28:27.640
I haven't seen or gotten to know and there's nothing wrong with it

1367
01:28:27.640 --> 01:28:31.960
But I just want you to know like when it says you say it seems like he just really want to talk on his phone

1368
01:28:32.040 --> 01:28:33.500
Men feel like let me hear you

1369
01:28:33.860 --> 01:28:39.540
Let me make sure you're a woman. That's why someone having a profile like I don't want no dudes

1370
01:28:39.580 --> 01:28:44.860
I don't know like they get like I don't want no trends like that's not the business that i'm in

1371
01:28:44.860 --> 01:28:46.980
Like they get bombarded with a lot of these things

1372
01:28:46.980 --> 01:28:52.460
And so I just want you guys to keep in mind their journey on the dating site, too

1373
01:28:52.460 --> 01:28:57.480
And what is what could they be saying that they're not saying it used to irritate the heck out of me y'all

1374
01:28:57.520 --> 01:29:02.000
When soon as I made with a man, he like he go my number call me boy. I don't even know you

1375
01:29:02.000 --> 01:29:03.720
I used to get so offended

1376
01:29:04.080 --> 01:29:06.680
How dare he asked me for my number?

1377
01:29:07.080 --> 01:29:07.560
I was

1378
01:29:08.900 --> 01:29:09.340
offended

1379
01:29:11.960 --> 01:29:18.000
And now i'm like now sometimes they go just a tad bit too far i'm like let's do two more chats or two more not two more

1380
01:29:18.000 --> 01:29:22.260
Days, but I used to be highly offended that they would ask for my number

1381
01:29:22.260 --> 01:29:25.780
But that means they've been on this side a while and it's like look if you want to talk you got my number

1382
01:29:25.920 --> 01:29:31.100
I'm not gonna be texting you back and forth on this app. And that's how I am like I'll block you

1383
01:29:31.180 --> 01:29:33.780
But i'm not about to be going back and forth on this app with you

1384
01:29:34.220 --> 01:29:37.640
And because I don't get on it a lot. But okay. Yeah

1385
01:29:38.120 --> 01:29:39.320
Yes, I appreciate it though. I appreciate it. I appreciate it

1386
01:29:39.320 --> 01:29:41.400
That's very helpful and I will work on that

1387
01:29:42.040 --> 01:29:42.400
just

1388
01:29:43.320 --> 01:29:45.320
Seven so I can be on my way

1389
01:29:46.560 --> 01:29:52.680
Yeah, I hope you have fun though brandy i'm working on the fun part yes, yes, you need a good time

1390
01:29:53.760 --> 01:29:55.640
I'm gonna have a good time

1391
01:29:56.600 --> 01:29:59.900
Dates to get and i'm gonna enjoy myself. Okay

1392
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:01.580
Thanks, Stephanie.

1393
01:30:01.880 --> 01:30:03.920
You're welcome. Go for it, Kim.

1394
01:30:07.140 --> 01:30:11.140
All right. My hand down.

1395
01:30:13.220 --> 01:30:17.560
I'm struggling because I too,

1396
01:30:18.020 --> 01:30:20.000
like a couple of people I've already mentioned,

1397
01:30:20.300 --> 01:30:23.720
didn't know that dating seven people or whatever,

1398
01:30:24.160 --> 01:30:27.120
the assignment was going to be as such when I joined.

1399
01:30:28.120 --> 01:30:33.300
My journey is, I'll try to be brief,

1400
01:30:33.600 --> 01:30:41.140
is that I became a single mother when my children were seven and 11,

1401
01:30:41.860 --> 01:30:48.160
and I hadn't dated for 26 years because God told me to wait.

1402
01:30:50.700 --> 01:30:54.500
He asked me if I was willing to do that, and I said yes.

1403
01:30:54.500 --> 01:30:58.260
I believe that God told me that I

1404
01:30:58.260 --> 01:31:01.300
wouldn't date until my children were grown and out of the house.

1405
01:31:01.980 --> 01:31:04.700
I said, I can do that with your help.

1406
01:31:05.280 --> 01:31:08.940
I did that. My son stayed at home till he was 34.

1407
01:31:09.820 --> 01:31:10.460
Golly, son.

1408
01:31:11.300 --> 01:31:12.460
I'm not kidding you.

1409
01:31:14.700 --> 01:31:18.540
Both of my children are married and family and everything, so that's good.

1410
01:31:18.660 --> 01:31:20.840
But that was five years ago.

1411
01:31:20.840 --> 01:31:24.780
When he moved out, I'm like, okay, God, here I am.

1412
01:31:25.480 --> 01:31:32.180
I also believed and have believed and stood on the fact that I believed that God was

1413
01:31:33.220 --> 01:31:38.460
going to provide someone for me and was going to make it so obvious that I wouldn't

1414
01:31:38.460 --> 01:31:43.620
have to date around because I don't want to have to date around.

1415
01:31:44.340 --> 01:31:48.020
I'm not really interested in dating around to find a man.

1416
01:31:48.080 --> 01:31:49.600
I'm 66 years old.

1417
01:31:49.600 --> 01:31:56.860
I pretty much know what I want, and I'm not willing to accept anything less than that.

1418
01:31:57.200 --> 01:32:02.580
And so I'm struggling with the discovery thing because I feel like I'm going out just

1419
01:32:02.580 --> 01:32:06.320
to meet an assignment, and I did go out on my first date.

1420
01:32:06.380 --> 01:32:12.900
I felt like I almost felt let down because I felt like this time that I have waited has

1421
01:32:12.900 --> 01:32:23.300
been sacred and that I've been saving myself for the right one, not just anyone.

1422
01:32:24.280 --> 01:32:31.060
And so I felt like going out on these dates is just not really fair to me, nor is it fair

1423
01:32:31.060 --> 01:32:36.900
to the other people because I'm just doing it for an assignment, and I don't need to

1424
01:32:36.900 --> 01:32:38.080
date around to have fun.

1425
01:32:38.080 --> 01:32:45.500
My life is full, and I would love to have a man, and I believe God has someone for me

1426
01:32:45.500 --> 01:32:50.600
that I've been waiting for, but I don't need to date around to find that.

1427
01:32:50.780 --> 01:32:52.040
I don't feel like that.

1428
01:32:52.580 --> 01:32:53.940
And so I'm doing this.

1429
01:32:54.060 --> 01:33:00.780
I went on the date, and just because I was told that that was part of the expectation,

1430
01:33:00.780 --> 01:33:09.080
but I have gone through the dating websites, and there's two scammers to every one real person,

1431
01:33:10.200 --> 01:33:19.120
and it just turns me off because I never wanted to be in that position, and I felt like God

1432
01:33:19.120 --> 01:33:26.980
wasn't going to require that of me because he was going to, and I'm not saying he's going

1433
01:33:26.980 --> 01:33:28.460
to FedEx delivery a man.

1434
01:33:28.460 --> 01:33:36.160
It's not like I've been hiding out, but I also asked God to make me so that I wasn't

1435
01:33:36.160 --> 01:33:37.640
tempted for so many years.

1436
01:33:38.000 --> 01:33:44.660
I asked God to make me invisible so that I didn't have to deal with people asking me

1437
01:33:44.660 --> 01:33:45.540
out, and he did that.

1438
01:33:45.740 --> 01:33:51.780
Not one person in 26 years, and I have been in the people profession working with lots

1439
01:33:51.780 --> 01:33:58.320
of, I was a counselor for 35 years, and I've been out there.

1440
01:33:58.320 --> 01:34:05.020
It's not like I've been hiding out either, and I probably was, because I knew it would

1441
01:34:05.020 --> 01:34:05.580
be a while.

1442
01:34:05.580 --> 01:34:10.340
I probably wasn't putting out vibes like I'm interested, so it's probably, but not one

1443
01:34:10.340 --> 01:34:14.920
person asked me out or was interested, and that's okay because I told God I was willing

1444
01:34:14.960 --> 01:34:15.560
to wait.

1445
01:34:15.560 --> 01:34:28.100
So I feel like right now that I'm having to put myself out there and dive into these dating

1446
01:34:28.100 --> 01:34:39.460
websites that I don't really want to, and I have been making connections, and like in

1447
01:34:39.460 --> 01:34:43.780
the last week, there's been five people that were not who they say they were.

1448
01:34:43.780 --> 01:34:50.340
You cannot tell someone, you cannot tell who someone is by their profile, and I know you

1449
01:34:50.340 --> 01:34:58.800
know that, but these people are, I don't know, I just, I have, obviously I have some trust

1450
01:34:58.800 --> 01:34:59.980
issues when it comes to online dating.

1451
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:09.040
dating because, um, I I'm on, I'm becoming more wise about it, but I see right

1452
01:35:09.040 --> 01:35:18.740
through them and, um, so anyway, I just, I just felt like, um, that I spent my

1453
01:35:18.740 --> 01:35:27.800
first date doing what I was supposed to do by going out, but I just, um, really

1454
01:35:27.800 --> 01:35:32.400
felt like that was safe for somebody really special, you know?

1455
01:35:33.700 --> 01:35:40.660
So I'm not, I mean, I'm, I've been around, so it's not like I'm just, I don't know

1456
01:35:40.660 --> 01:35:42.480
about the dating for discovery thing.

1457
01:35:42.480 --> 01:35:46.480
I don't know that that fits for me and I'm not saying it's not good.

1458
01:35:46.600 --> 01:35:53.160
I understand it would be really good for, for many, um, that need to

1459
01:35:53.160 --> 01:35:55.260
discover and learn about themselves.

1460
01:35:55.260 --> 01:36:00.540
I've spent many, many years learning about myself and healing and going

1461
01:36:00.540 --> 01:36:05.220
through lots of heart healing and processing everything.

1462
01:36:05.900 --> 01:36:13.160
Um, so I guess my question has to do with, is there anyone ever in this

1463
01:36:13.160 --> 01:36:20.380
program that really does, that really does get, that really has the experience

1464
01:36:20.380 --> 01:36:24.580
where someone comes along and God says, this one's for you.

1465
01:36:25.260 --> 01:36:30.240
And they, they don't have to do all the, the dating because I

1466
01:36:30.240 --> 01:36:32.540
still hope that that's for me.

1467
01:36:32.540 --> 01:36:38.180
I still hope that, and I'll, and I'll date because I, I committed to this

1468
01:36:38.180 --> 01:36:41.340
program and I will do it, but I really don't want to.

1469
01:36:42.020 --> 01:36:42.480
Yeah.

1470
01:36:43.200 --> 01:36:43.700
No.

1471
01:36:43.720 --> 01:36:43.900
Yeah.

1472
01:36:43.900 --> 01:36:47.500
I hear your heart and what a journey you've had.

1473
01:36:48.080 --> 01:36:48.580
Yeah.

1474
01:36:48.760 --> 01:36:49.260
Yeah.

1475
01:36:49.260 --> 01:36:50.360
I hear your heart's been good.

1476
01:36:50.440 --> 01:36:54.740
I mean, he's been my man, you know, and he, he has fulfilled,

1477
01:36:54.740 --> 01:36:59.940
um, the desires of my heart in every area, but he knows, but he told me that

1478
01:36:59.940 --> 01:37:05.600
would be, he had, he was saving someone for me, so I don't know, I just don't

1479
01:37:05.600 --> 01:37:09.160
know how to navigate through this part of it because I still believe.

1480
01:37:10.100 --> 01:37:11.420
I still believe that.

1481
01:37:11.460 --> 01:37:15.860
And I just don't know if it's going to come through the process that

1482
01:37:16.780 --> 01:37:18.360
I'm having to participate.

1483
01:37:19.120 --> 01:37:19.440
Right.

1484
01:37:19.740 --> 01:37:22.020
And so I'm thinking a lot of things.

1485
01:37:23.260 --> 01:37:28.680
And so we're going to piece through the things as best I can.

1486
01:37:29.440 --> 01:37:34.800
So one of my thoughts for you, um, I, some first question would be, and I,

1487
01:37:34.840 --> 01:37:37.080
I'm navigating this skillfully with Holy spirit.

1488
01:37:37.520 --> 01:37:43.080
And so if you see me pausing is because I want to honor what you've had with

1489
01:37:43.080 --> 01:37:47.340
the Lord and not dishonor, I think it's sacred as well.

1490
01:37:47.660 --> 01:37:49.980
And so I understand that.

1491
01:37:49.980 --> 01:37:54.580
Um, and so why did you join the program?

1492
01:37:55.980 --> 01:37:58.760
Um, because I wanted to make sure that I was ready.

1493
01:37:58.860 --> 01:38:03.600
I mean, I have been through healing and I've been in, like I said, I I'm

1494
01:38:03.600 --> 01:38:09.100
in the counseling profession, so there's always, um, the awareness that, you

1495
01:38:09.100 --> 01:38:12.220
know, is there anything that, you know, I, is there any little things I haven't,

1496
01:38:12.560 --> 01:38:16.980
you know, healed from, and I want to be ready now that I, now that I know that,

1497
01:38:16.980 --> 01:38:21.520
that I feel like the time is, and, you know, God's giving me, it's getting ready,

1498
01:38:21.760 --> 01:38:22.100
getting ready.

1499
01:38:22.200 --> 01:38:29.100
I'm, I have this urgency to, to start looking, uh, keeping my eyes open and,

1500
01:38:29.140 --> 01:38:32.180
and being ready to receive what he has for me.

1501
01:38:32.240 --> 01:38:38.400
So I felt like if there was anything that I needed to address, I wanted to, and I

1502
01:38:38.400 --> 01:38:44.720
guess I also felt like, um, because I did have some men trust issues, I was married

1503
01:38:44.720 --> 01:38:50.800
to a church leader and, um, he abandoned us one day he was here and the next he was

1504
01:38:50.800 --> 01:38:51.080
gone.

1505
01:38:51.320 --> 01:38:54.900
So I had abandoned things and I'm like, well, how, you know, have I really dealt

1506
01:38:54.900 --> 01:38:55.440
with that?

1507
01:38:55.660 --> 01:39:01.220
How can I trust another man again, even if they're a church leader and, um, that

1508
01:39:01.220 --> 01:39:01.740
kind of thing.

1509
01:39:01.780 --> 01:39:07.400
So I just wanted to make sure everything was, that I was ready and healed.

1510
01:39:07.400 --> 01:39:09.500
And so that's why I, that's why I joined.

1511
01:39:09.600 --> 01:39:14.220
And it gave me a little bit of confidence to know that this, the Christian matchmaker

1512
01:39:14.720 --> 01:39:20.100
you know, like, um, cause I didn't know really what the program was about, um,

1513
01:39:20.100 --> 01:39:23.300
before I joined it other than here's a Christian matchmaker.

1514
01:39:23.300 --> 01:39:28.240
But then once I listened to the introduction and it was spirit filled and I'm like, Oh,

1515
01:39:28.240 --> 01:39:29.020
this is good.

1516
01:39:29.040 --> 01:39:31.280
And I thought if nothing else, this is good.

1517
01:39:31.600 --> 01:39:32.320
You know what I'm saying?

1518
01:39:32.400 --> 01:39:42.680
It was, so it was like, so what's, what's the plan that you propose for you to.

1519
01:39:44.900 --> 01:39:49.320
To grow in the healing that you have from the abandonment issue.

1520
01:39:51.920 --> 01:39:57.260
Do you plan for when you meet, let me, let me narrow down the options is your plan

1521
01:39:57.260 --> 01:39:59.980
that when you meet this man, that God says he's the one.

1522
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.700
That he bears all of your issues. It helps you walk through them or no

1523
01:40:05.700 --> 01:40:11.140
I'm already I've already been through my issues. I feel like I'm already but you haven't had a man to test it on you've been

1524
01:40:11.440 --> 01:40:12.120
with Jesus

1525
01:40:13.000 --> 01:40:15.080
Jesus don't abandon you

1526
01:40:16.420 --> 01:40:18.160
Yeah, right, right

1527
01:40:18.480 --> 01:40:24.360
So you have you haven't had a man to practice with you've not tested out your healing at all

1528
01:40:24.360 --> 01:40:31.040
The only person you can attest to because you haven't had the opportunity to be back in the situation where if I gave myself

1529
01:40:31.040 --> 01:40:32.560
You could do this to me again

1530
01:40:33.280 --> 01:40:41.180
Because that's the reality of what's gonna happen. I don't care if God stamps approval on a man. That's not gonna take away

1531
01:40:42.140 --> 01:40:48.800
the thought of being abandoned again, and so what I'm saying to you is this a

1532
01:40:49.040 --> 01:40:55.080
Lot of times when you date you work that thing out

1533
01:40:55.080 --> 01:40:58.980
You iron it out. This is not me suggesting you date

1534
01:40:58.980 --> 01:41:03.000
I told you I want to come from this with a lot of different angles with you

1535
01:41:03.280 --> 01:41:09.180
That we can get a fuller picture in a perspective because if the perspective shifts

1536
01:41:09.300 --> 01:41:14.080
When you go out on a date, you don't feel like you're sacrificing was precious

1537
01:41:15.640 --> 01:41:16.640
Mm-hmm

1538
01:41:16.640 --> 01:41:22.560
That's that's not the most precious thing for you to sit down with another brother in Christ over a cup of coffee

1539
01:41:23.680 --> 01:41:25.620
If you want to see it that way

1540
01:41:25.620 --> 01:41:32.360
That's not you you didn't lose when you get to sit in the company of an individual and you get to show up as Kim

1541
01:41:32.500 --> 01:41:36.800
As her new refined self and does it have a romantic connotation?

1542
01:41:37.140 --> 01:41:42.160
Yes, because when they saw you they saw a beautiful woman and they want to go on a date with her. That's true

1543
01:41:42.160 --> 01:41:43.900
So that's one perspective

1544
01:41:43.900 --> 01:41:51.200
so that's when you take dating and you use it as a tool for all the healing that you receive to put a man because

1545
01:41:51.440 --> 01:41:57.540
Nobody's gonna trigger you like a man. They don't have the ability to do it. I don't do it. No woman

1546
01:41:57.540 --> 01:42:00.980
No children. No, nobody can do it like a man

1547
01:42:01.280 --> 01:42:04.920
The a man because a man represents a husband, right?

1548
01:42:05.160 --> 01:42:10.240
And so you have all these things about what you want a husband to be and so you're lining them up

1549
01:42:10.240 --> 01:42:13.220
But dating helps iron that out

1550
01:42:13.220 --> 01:42:19.220
So that's one thing one way dating can serve you. You're not cheating you you invest it in yourself

1551
01:42:19.520 --> 01:42:23.240
Nobody marries a person before they date them or get to know them

1552
01:42:23.240 --> 01:42:28.040
even if heaven says they're the one either you gonna get to know them before you say I do or

1553
01:42:28.040 --> 01:42:34.400
After you say I do but the thing about after I do is you have an expectation on them to be a husband

1554
01:42:34.460 --> 01:42:37.400
But how can they be a husband? Have they not yet been your friend?

1555
01:42:38.060 --> 01:42:44.400
So there are these stages of development that just happen whether you do it on one side or you do it on the other side it

1556
01:42:44.400 --> 01:42:45.440
Has to happen

1557
01:42:46.320 --> 01:42:48.520
Nothing's gonna change about that

1558
01:42:48.540 --> 01:42:54.200
Does that make sense? So yes, so that's the perspective shift on dating

1559
01:42:55.460 --> 01:42:59.760
You're not dating if they're the one you trust that the Lord is writing your love story

1560
01:43:00.420 --> 01:43:06.760
However, it does give you an opportunity to iron out those abandonment issues and watch his flags go up

1561
01:43:06.760 --> 01:43:11.560
So that when the husband does come along you can see with eyes that he is the one

1562
01:43:13.620 --> 01:43:18.840
And sometimes when people don't check our boxes and God sends the one you'll never see him

1563
01:43:20.220 --> 01:43:25.000
Because there's a lens that you have that can be stronger than the Holy Spirit

1564
01:43:25.200 --> 01:43:29.620
Fear will silence anything in you you start liking a man

1565
01:43:29.620 --> 01:43:34.760
That's when a woman fear start rising up the most because now I feel my heart attaching

1566
01:43:34.760 --> 01:43:39.800
I feel my emotions leaving me and now you put me in a very vulnerable place

1567
01:43:40.040 --> 01:43:47.840
Because once you start feeling that you're vulnerable and now they have opportunity to misuse you like somebody in the past

1568
01:43:47.840 --> 01:43:51.980
Be it like that's just a real thing. That's gonna happen in the process

1569
01:43:52.280 --> 01:43:58.020
That's one option. The other option is you can go back to the Lord and

1570
01:43:58.020 --> 01:44:02.760
Ask him like you can say to him father. This is the journey we've had I

1571
01:44:03.620 --> 01:44:09.980
Don't like dating I don't desire to do this. What are your thoughts about it?

1572
01:44:12.180 --> 01:44:17.220
And that's all you need to know you don't have to hear anything else at that point because right now you're just trying to hear

1573
01:44:17.220 --> 01:44:22.340
The father's heart to what your process and if he says to you Kim, I want you to date

1574
01:44:22.340 --> 01:44:25.500
I think this would be good for you. You can say yes, you can say Kim

1575
01:44:25.500 --> 01:44:26.140
You know what?

1576
01:44:26.340 --> 01:44:28.140
I don't want you to date

1577
01:44:28.140 --> 01:44:34.680
But you want to hear his heart for your journey and it doesn't mean that and you can stay in this program

1578
01:44:34.680 --> 01:44:40.300
you can go to all the sessions you can enjoy that part of the process if you want to do that and

1579
01:44:41.100 --> 01:44:44.600
You can wait on the Lord to bump you into your husband

1580
01:44:44.600 --> 01:44:51.900
I believe and still even this process does not exclude God from being a supernatural matchmaker. That's what he does in there

1581
01:44:51.900 --> 01:44:58.740
He's supernatural matches individuals but for whomever you match with you're gonna have to go out with them

1582
01:45:01.160 --> 01:45:05.100
So whether you feel super good about God has his hand on it,

1583
01:45:05.100 --> 01:45:06.500
and I believe that this is the one,

1584
01:45:06.620 --> 01:45:07.640
but when you start talking to them,

1585
01:45:07.700 --> 01:45:09.640
you find out, oh, I thought that's what I heard,

1586
01:45:09.780 --> 01:45:11.560
but I didn't, I don't know, you know,

1587
01:45:11.560 --> 01:45:14.980
those exchanges we have with the Lord can be, you know,

1588
01:45:14.980 --> 01:45:17.140
he can do a lot of things with those,

1589
01:45:17.540 --> 01:45:19.660
but that's an option for you, Kim.

1590
01:45:19.820 --> 01:45:21.880
And you don't want to feel,

1591
01:45:23.140 --> 01:45:25.500
it's not for you to feel blocked in

1592
01:45:25.660 --> 01:45:27.780
and feel forced to do something.

1593
01:45:28.280 --> 01:45:30.660
That's what my heart really wants to say to you.

1594
01:45:30.720 --> 01:45:34.240
Like, you don't have to feel forced to do something

1595
01:45:34.500 --> 01:45:37.160
or to be someone that you're not ready to be

1596
01:45:37.160 --> 01:45:38.720
or you desire to be.

1597
01:45:39.380 --> 01:45:41.200
And I don't even want you to feel like

1598
01:45:41.200 --> 01:45:42.940
because you do it that you don't do it

1599
01:45:42.940 --> 01:45:43.860
that way you're losing.

1600
01:45:44.020 --> 01:45:46.480
You have a father that is working for you

1601
01:45:46.480 --> 01:45:48.780
and fighting for you and he is for you.

1602
01:45:48.780 --> 01:45:51.520
And so my encouragement out of all things

1603
01:45:51.520 --> 01:45:55.640
is to go back to the one who made the promise.

1604
01:45:55.640 --> 01:45:59.100
The Bible says that God is faithful to complete the work

1605
01:45:59.100 --> 01:46:01.660
that he began as he who began a good work in us

1606
01:46:01.660 --> 01:46:03.320
is faithful to complete it.

1607
01:46:04.060 --> 01:46:06.840
But I would go before him and wait.

1608
01:46:07.480 --> 01:46:09.420
And I would take everything in my mind

1609
01:46:09.420 --> 01:46:10.560
that doesn't want to do it,

1610
01:46:10.580 --> 01:46:11.980
everything I thought what God would do,

1611
01:46:12.260 --> 01:46:13.080
how he would do it,

1612
01:46:13.080 --> 01:46:14.920
and I would lay it on the altar of the Lord.

1613
01:46:15.300 --> 01:46:17.280
I will get it all out of my system

1614
01:46:17.660 --> 01:46:19.960
so that in order for you to hear,

1615
01:46:20.180 --> 01:46:22.740
you're going to have to rid yourself of what you thought,

1616
01:46:23.180 --> 01:46:26.140
what you wanted and how you wanted it

1617
01:46:26.140 --> 01:46:28.320
because you don't know the mind of God.

1618
01:46:29.640 --> 01:46:31.400
There are things that we just don't know

1619
01:46:31.400 --> 01:46:32.600
and how he's going to do it.

1620
01:46:32.600 --> 01:46:34.580
And this is not me rooting for you today.

1621
01:46:34.640 --> 01:46:37.160
I am telling you, I lay my stuff on the altar.

1622
01:46:37.800 --> 01:46:38.800
This is what I want.

1623
01:46:39.300 --> 01:46:40.380
This is how I want it.

1624
01:46:40.380 --> 01:46:42.320
And this is what I thought you were going to do.

1625
01:46:42.440 --> 01:46:44.800
Now I give it to the altar of the Lord

1626
01:46:44.800 --> 01:46:47.960
and I ask that you give me what you have in return.

1627
01:46:48.780 --> 01:46:50.420
Let me hear you clearly.

1628
01:46:50.420 --> 01:46:53.120
And then I submit mine to community

1629
01:46:53.120 --> 01:46:55.560
so they can also process it through with me.

1630
01:46:56.680 --> 01:46:58.360
We hear even through,

1631
01:46:58.540 --> 01:47:00.640
even if you're a prophetic person,

1632
01:47:00.780 --> 01:47:02.400
you know that as the Lord speak,

1633
01:47:02.540 --> 01:47:03.900
it has to come through us.

1634
01:47:03.960 --> 01:47:05.500
It has to come through a vessel

1635
01:47:05.700 --> 01:47:09.060
who is limited in our words, our vocabulary,

1636
01:47:09.440 --> 01:47:11.200
their experiences I have with God to tell people,

1637
01:47:11.260 --> 01:47:12.320
I can't even explain it.

1638
01:47:12.320 --> 01:47:13.120
It's so much pain.

1639
01:47:13.140 --> 01:47:15.220
I don't have the vocab for it.

1640
01:47:15.220 --> 01:47:17.220
So the one writer says that

1641
01:47:17.220 --> 01:47:19.000
if we had to compare ourselves to God,

1642
01:47:19.080 --> 01:47:19.840
we're like a rock.

1643
01:47:19.840 --> 01:47:23.220
That's how dumb we are in comparison to who he is.

1644
01:47:23.300 --> 01:47:24.080
It's true.

1645
01:47:24.460 --> 01:47:25.480
And so when you're hearing,

1646
01:47:25.640 --> 01:47:28.660
it's so good to hear in community to submit these things

1647
01:47:28.660 --> 01:47:31.540
because we have something that's also working in us

1648
01:47:31.540 --> 01:47:34.180
that wants it the way whatever we thought it could

1649
01:47:34.180 --> 01:47:35.280
or would be like.

1650
01:47:35.600 --> 01:47:38.580
But I want you to go back to the one

1651
01:47:38.680 --> 01:47:40.860
who orchestrated all of this.

1652
01:47:42.660 --> 01:47:44.940
And you're not going to be shunned

1653
01:47:44.940 --> 01:47:47.980
because you made a decision that I don't want to date.

1654
01:47:47.980 --> 01:47:50.900
Nobody in this community is going to do that to you.

1655
01:47:52.500 --> 01:47:54.460
It's just, that's just not how that works.

1656
01:47:55.620 --> 01:47:56.180
Yeah.

1657
01:47:57.740 --> 01:47:58.340
Yeah.

1658
01:48:00.020 --> 01:48:00.620
Yeah.

1659
01:48:01.420 --> 01:48:02.020
Yeah.

1660
01:48:02.020 --> 01:48:03.160
Keep us updated.

1661
01:48:04.080 --> 01:48:05.440
Yeah, I will.

1662
01:48:05.600 --> 01:48:05.980
Okay.

1663
01:48:05.980 --> 01:48:06.600
Thank you.

1664
01:48:06.740 --> 01:48:07.220
You're welcome.

1665
01:48:08.200 --> 01:48:08.760
All right.

1666
01:48:09.280 --> 01:48:10.700
Joanne, are you still online?

1667
01:48:11.040 --> 01:48:11.260
Yeah.

1668
01:48:11.820 --> 01:48:11.980
Okay.

1669
01:48:12.460 --> 01:48:15.020
Hey girl, you've been writing a long time.

1670
01:48:15.160 --> 01:48:17.040
Now, I'm going to tell you.

1671
01:48:17.980 --> 01:48:18.720
I don't know.

1672
01:48:18.840 --> 01:48:20.680
You should start raising your hand first

1673
01:48:20.680 --> 01:48:23.080
because you know you be having some good stuff

1674
01:48:23.080 --> 01:48:24.320
for us to talk about.

1675
01:48:24.800 --> 01:48:28.400
But we got 11 minutes between you and Renee.

1676
01:48:28.840 --> 01:48:30.580
So you got it?

1677
01:48:31.000 --> 01:48:31.040
Okay.

1678
01:48:32.140 --> 01:48:35.560
I feel some anxiety because I actually feel like

1679
01:48:35.560 --> 01:48:39.480
the one of the guys I went on a date with,

1680
01:48:39.480 --> 01:48:40.300
there's like potential.

1681
01:48:40.740 --> 01:48:43.340
And I realized, oh, I have anxiety around this.

1682
01:48:44.340 --> 01:48:47.160
Like, and I'm like, oh, I need more healing

1683
01:48:47.160 --> 01:48:49.020
because when I don't hear from him,

1684
01:48:50.340 --> 01:48:52.100
like, I'm like, oh, what does this mean?

1685
01:48:52.420 --> 01:48:53.580
You know, even though we have this,

1686
01:48:53.880 --> 01:48:55.320
like, and that's the other thing too.

1687
01:48:55.360 --> 01:48:56.380
It's like, I want to,

1688
01:48:56.660 --> 01:48:59.200
I think I need to do better job pacing because,

1689
01:49:01.980 --> 01:49:04.600
well, he's taking me out to this really nice restaurant

1690
01:49:04.960 --> 01:49:05.360
this Saturday.

1691
01:49:05.420 --> 01:49:07.660
And he was like, are you excited?

1692
01:49:07.780 --> 01:49:10.640
We're going to, you know, it's like wine and dine,

1693
01:49:10.840 --> 01:49:11.880
which is pretty amazing.

1694
01:49:12.180 --> 01:49:14.360
Like, he's like, we're going to eat.

1695
01:49:14.500 --> 01:49:16.020
We're going to have wine.

1696
01:49:16.020 --> 01:49:16.760
We're going to have dessert.

1697
01:49:16.760 --> 01:49:20.900
I'm like, oh my gosh, that's like really intense, right?

1698
01:49:21.080 --> 01:49:23.420
So part of me feels like, why am I worried?

1699
01:49:23.620 --> 01:49:26.060
But then part of me is like, is this kind of intense?

1700
01:49:26.140 --> 01:49:28.560
This is like a lot, you know, for a first date.

1701
01:49:28.580 --> 01:49:30.560
I don't want to get my emotions too involved.

1702
01:49:30.920 --> 01:49:33.300
And I was just like shooting the breeze saying like,

1703
01:49:33.300 --> 01:49:35.340
I love jazz because I used to sing jazz.

1704
01:49:35.340 --> 01:49:37.800
And like, there's this jazz festival coming up.

1705
01:49:38.360 --> 01:49:40.400
And he's like, oh, let's go.

1706
01:49:40.420 --> 01:49:42.700
Like, he was like, yeah, like, let's check it out.

1707
01:49:42.700 --> 01:49:44.120
And then I'm like, oh no,

1708
01:49:44.120 --> 01:49:46.320
I don't even know if I should go with him

1709
01:49:46.320 --> 01:49:47.520
because then I have to be in his car

1710
01:49:47.520 --> 01:49:49.080
and that's like a long time.

1711
01:49:49.400 --> 01:49:53.460
So I feel conflicted because I just want to try

1712
01:49:53.460 --> 01:49:55.880
to guard my heart and do things well and not,

1713
01:49:57.780 --> 01:49:59.200
oh, why is this?

1714
01:49:59.620 --> 01:49:59.980
Yeah.

1715
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:05.440
So, uh, I just, I'm just realizing I have some fear like what you just shared, like

1716
01:50:05.440 --> 01:50:07.820
I kind of actually have hope for this guy.

1717
01:50:08.740 --> 01:50:13.440
And um, I'm trying to, you know, I'm overcoming anxious attachments.

1718
01:50:13.560 --> 01:50:16.200
So I realized, oh gosh, I'm getting anxious.

1719
01:50:16.360 --> 01:50:18.600
I don't like this, you know.

1720
01:50:19.220 --> 01:50:20.720
So let's normalize.

1721
01:50:20.760 --> 01:50:24.000
This is a thing because we'll diagnose ourselves really quick.

1722
01:50:24.640 --> 01:50:28.000
Let's normalize that when you like a person is more ecstatic.

1723
01:50:28.580 --> 01:50:30.920
That's the thing I was telling Kim about.

1724
01:50:31.400 --> 01:50:35.180
If you meet somebody that you like, it opens you up in a different way.

1725
01:50:35.340 --> 01:50:37.660
And you start like, wait a minute, wait a minute.

1726
01:50:37.760 --> 01:50:39.200
Am I even making a good decision?

1727
01:50:39.720 --> 01:50:40.900
What, what are we doing?

1728
01:50:41.060 --> 01:50:42.400
He's spending all this money.

1729
01:50:42.760 --> 01:50:44.620
Oh, we should just get coffee.

1730
01:50:44.760 --> 01:50:45.940
Oh, wait a minute now.

1731
01:50:45.940 --> 01:50:49.160
It's like, everything is like over the top.

1732
01:50:49.220 --> 01:50:50.660
And it's like, it's not anxiety.

1733
01:50:50.820 --> 01:50:55.260
Somebody you like and you scared you're going to get rejected and hurt is a real thing.

1734
01:50:55.260 --> 01:50:59.140
So we got to say, Hey, this is a part of it.

1735
01:51:00.020 --> 01:51:04.720
And this is the part that can sting because you got to actually kind of get to know them

1736
01:51:04.720 --> 01:51:06.140
to see if it works out.

1737
01:51:07.120 --> 01:51:10.060
So it's a thing, Joanne, you are not regressing.

1738
01:51:10.440 --> 01:51:12.120
You are not being anxiously attached.

1739
01:51:12.300 --> 01:51:13.960
Your emotions are not going anywhere.

1740
01:51:14.180 --> 01:51:16.000
You know how to operate in wisdom.

1741
01:51:16.100 --> 01:51:21.400
You are God defended, and you're going to guard your heart with all diligence by talking

1742
01:51:21.400 --> 01:51:25.540
about things on the right level for where you are and who you know, what you know about

1743
01:51:25.540 --> 01:51:25.760
him.

1744
01:51:25.760 --> 01:51:27.480
And the truth is you don't know him.

1745
01:51:27.780 --> 01:51:29.080
You're getting to know him.

1746
01:51:29.260 --> 01:51:34.240
Now, if you can not ride in the car with him, you need to just drive your car there and

1747
01:51:34.240 --> 01:51:37.420
you can explain to him like, we don't really know each other that well, so we're not going

1748
01:51:37.420 --> 01:51:38.160
to ride together.

1749
01:51:40.040 --> 01:51:41.700
I don't care how much the tickets cost.

1750
01:51:41.760 --> 01:51:42.980
There's not any harm to him.

1751
01:51:43.080 --> 01:51:45.960
You are a woman who has to protect herself.

1752
01:51:46.380 --> 01:51:47.680
That's all that is.

1753
01:51:48.000 --> 01:51:51.380
You're a woman and he's a man, right?

1754
01:51:51.380 --> 01:51:55.140
And so you get to analyze.

1755
01:51:55.240 --> 01:52:03.320
I'm so happy because you analyze everybody so well, Joanne, and now you like somebody.

1756
01:52:03.620 --> 01:52:08.220
I have some interest and now I'm like a little scared because I'm like, he told me he's going

1757
01:52:08.220 --> 01:52:09.000
to get back to me.

1758
01:52:09.180 --> 01:52:10.220
He hasn't gone back to me.

1759
01:52:10.300 --> 01:52:10.740
What does this mean?

1760
01:52:10.740 --> 01:52:11.400
You know what I'm like?

1761
01:52:11.400 --> 01:52:12.820
I don't like these thoughts.

1762
01:52:12.880 --> 01:52:14.240
I don't want to have these thoughts.

1763
01:52:14.460 --> 01:52:16.400
And then I'm like, what do I tell him?

1764
01:52:16.400 --> 01:52:19.280
Like, I don't think I want to spend all day doing it.

1765
01:52:19.920 --> 01:52:24.540
You know, what I really what I want is like if the dinner goes well on Saturday, I don't

1766
01:52:24.540 --> 01:52:28.720
think I'm ready to go all day like, you know, jazz festival.

1767
01:52:28.960 --> 01:52:30.960
But I want to offer something else.

1768
01:52:30.960 --> 01:52:35.440
Like I want to say, well, if dinner goes well, I'm open to, you know, meeting up for like

1769
01:52:35.360 --> 01:52:41.640
lunch, you know, in my in my hood or something, you know, how about you say you show up as

1770
01:52:41.640 --> 01:52:44.360
and you say, let's just do dinner.

1771
01:52:44.840 --> 01:52:46.140
All day is a lot.

1772
01:52:47.940 --> 01:52:52.820
And when we go to dinner, if it goes well, how about we plan another date another time?

1773
01:52:53.180 --> 01:52:58.520
You know, they say sometimes dating is some of the one of the biggest scams because people

1774
01:52:58.520 --> 01:53:00.520
don't always show up as themselves.

1775
01:53:01.120 --> 01:53:05.640
And I made a promise to myself about I said, when I show up, I'm going to show up as Ebony.

1776
01:53:05.940 --> 01:53:06.760
That's it.

1777
01:53:07.000 --> 01:53:08.300
I'm already kind.

1778
01:53:08.600 --> 01:53:10.080
I ain't got to say I got to be kind.

1779
01:53:10.640 --> 01:53:11.900
I'm already honoring.

1780
01:53:12.020 --> 01:53:14.460
I ain't got to say I don't want to say that because it's not honoring.

1781
01:53:14.700 --> 01:53:15.800
That's who I am.

1782
01:53:16.340 --> 01:53:18.340
And you show up in the fullness of who you are.

1783
01:53:18.620 --> 01:53:19.100
Be authentic.

1784
01:53:19.380 --> 01:53:20.620
That's a long day.

1785
01:53:20.620 --> 01:53:21.640
That's all day.

1786
01:53:21.760 --> 01:53:23.280
I don't want to be with you all day.

1787
01:53:23.280 --> 01:53:24.960
Now, you can find a pretty way to say that.

1788
01:53:25.000 --> 01:53:28.620
It's like, hey, I'm so excited to go to dinner and get to know you.

1789
01:53:28.640 --> 01:53:30.860
This place that you pick sounds amazing.

1790
01:53:31.400 --> 01:53:32.340
Men want to hear that.

1791
01:53:32.500 --> 01:53:35.220
They want to know that you appreciate you like other things.

1792
01:53:35.280 --> 01:53:36.380
They like to be appreciated.

1793
01:53:36.740 --> 01:53:38.700
Like, yeah, I am stoked to meet.

1794
01:53:38.700 --> 01:53:39.800
This is impressive.

1795
01:53:40.540 --> 01:53:41.040
Yeah, I was.

1796
01:53:41.620 --> 01:53:42.020
Yeah.

1797
01:53:42.140 --> 01:53:46.780
The one thing is, we know I don't want to hang out all day because that's a lot.

1798
01:53:46.820 --> 01:53:51.940
And so how about we just do dinner this time and then we'll see what was I'm excited to

1799
01:53:51.940 --> 01:53:53.420
see where we go from there.

1800
01:53:53.600 --> 01:53:56.400
So leave some excitement there, but just show up as Joanne.

1801
01:53:57.440 --> 01:53:58.280
Don't show up.

1802
01:53:58.500 --> 01:54:01.760
You know, you don't have to like do all those like I'm anxious or those sorts of things.

1803
01:54:01.760 --> 01:54:02.280
No, no, no.

1804
01:54:02.320 --> 01:54:03.500
I'm not going to say that.

1805
01:54:04.000 --> 01:54:04.920
No, no, no.

1806
01:54:10.360 --> 01:54:16.820
I mean, I feel like it's too soon to really like him, but I actually have hope.

1807
01:54:17.300 --> 01:54:22.560
But something else, and I'll end soon because I know like we got to go, but like something

1808
01:54:22.560 --> 01:54:23.420
else you brought up.

1809
01:54:23.520 --> 01:54:29.540
I'm like, oh, my gosh, I don't know if I could do those things like the sister from Ecuador.

1810
01:54:29.780 --> 01:54:32.900
And also like, these are my times that I'm available.

1811
01:54:32.960 --> 01:54:33.800
Would you like to go out?

1812
01:54:33.800 --> 01:54:40.000
I feel like for me, that's so like pursuing and aggressive because something I'm considering

1813
01:54:40.000 --> 01:54:44.540
is actually being a little bit more proactive with men that I do think is quality, which

1814
01:54:44.760 --> 01:54:45.460
is rare.

1815
01:54:45.680 --> 01:54:49.340
I don't usually find men that I'm like, I want to really get to know this person.

1816
01:54:49.740 --> 01:54:53.140
And if they don't really like initiate, then I don't really do anything.

1817
01:54:53.280 --> 01:54:57.500
So I'm considering what would be comfortable for me to do without being like, hey, would

1818
01:54:57.500 --> 01:54:58.280
you like to go out?

1819
01:54:58.280 --> 01:54:58.920
I mean, I don't know.

1820
01:54:58.940 --> 01:54:59.880
That seems very.

1821
01:55:01.420 --> 01:55:06.980
Scary, like too pursuey, like I feel like I'm pursuing and I'm aggressive or like that

1822
01:55:07.320 --> 01:55:08.280
just I don't know.

1823
01:55:08.640 --> 01:55:13.460
Let's break down the definitions of what you say pursuing and aggressive is because if

1824
01:55:13.460 --> 01:55:17.260
I got on the phone with you right now, just like Joanne, let's go out for coffee tomorrow.

1825
01:55:17.360 --> 01:55:19.420
He's like, okay, yeah, let's do it.

1826
01:55:19.420 --> 01:55:23.580
And I say to you, Joanne, okay, now I'm out for this time, my lunch break is at this time

1827
01:55:23.580 --> 01:55:24.400
and I can do this.

1828
01:55:24.420 --> 01:55:25.340
What can you do?

1829
01:55:25.660 --> 01:55:29.980
And then you'll be like, okay, well, I think on Friday, I have this time and this time.

1830
01:55:31.340 --> 01:55:32.580
What is that?

1831
01:55:32.840 --> 01:55:34.200
Did I just pursue you?

1832
01:55:35.100 --> 01:55:36.060
No, I love that.

1833
01:55:36.160 --> 01:55:37.320
I actually really like it.

1834
01:55:37.320 --> 01:55:39.380
That's how I roll with a lot of my good friends.

1835
01:55:39.600 --> 01:55:45.000
That's the same conversation you're having with this guy, except for you've created this

1836
01:55:45.000 --> 01:55:50.900
idea that if you do that, that a man is supposed to show, like do something for like a man

1837
01:55:50.900 --> 01:55:53.480
supposed to plan and a man supposed to do this.

1838
01:55:53.480 --> 01:55:58.500
Like it's all these laws working in you that have already been there that are ancient,

1839
01:55:58.500 --> 01:56:02.060
that won't allow you to make a connection with a person.

1840
01:56:03.240 --> 01:56:05.340
He has plenty of time to reciprocate.

1841
01:56:05.960 --> 01:56:11.500
He has plenty of opportunities to do your pursuit of you.

1842
01:56:11.820 --> 01:56:14.860
It's called reciprocation in getting to know a person.

1843
01:56:15.220 --> 01:56:16.460
He's just the person.

1844
01:56:17.160 --> 01:56:20.280
If you want the coffee date, provide what information you have.

1845
01:56:20.320 --> 01:56:21.340
That's all you're doing.

1846
01:56:21.540 --> 01:56:24.020
They have to agree and say that they're going to show up.

1847
01:56:24.180 --> 01:56:27.520
But it has a lot to do with what you've already laid in.

1848
01:56:27.520 --> 01:56:31.640
A lot of times people feel like they are going against every fiber of their being and somehow

1849
01:56:31.640 --> 01:56:34.880
this must be God because it goes against them.

1850
01:56:35.360 --> 01:56:39.820
It's laws that you have laid within yourself about who a man is and what he should be and

1851
01:56:39.820 --> 01:56:41.240
how he should be.

1852
01:56:41.820 --> 01:56:44.440
Even if he's not the one who's asked me on a date.

1853
01:56:44.540 --> 01:56:47.860
I think it's different if he's asked me and then I tell him.

1854
01:56:48.680 --> 01:56:49.860
It's up to you.

1855
01:56:50.200 --> 01:56:51.800
You don't have to take the opportunity.

1856
01:56:51.880 --> 01:56:53.460
You don't have to do it this way.

1857
01:56:54.040 --> 01:56:56.760
You can stick with the way that you like to do it.

1858
01:56:56.760 --> 01:56:59.480
You can stick with what makes you feel comfortable.

1859
01:57:00.740 --> 01:57:02.240
But it's a feeling.

1860
01:57:02.620 --> 01:57:04.680
It's not based on reality.

1861
01:57:05.320 --> 01:57:08.180
Because you just told me you like to do the same thing with your girlfriend.

1862
01:57:08.280 --> 01:57:10.280
So that means you put a standard on a man.

1863
01:57:10.900 --> 01:57:14.140
Now, do I say when you go out to a date, a man should pay?

1864
01:57:14.300 --> 01:57:15.640
That's my first option.

1865
01:57:15.740 --> 01:57:16.180
Yes.

1866
01:57:16.900 --> 01:57:19.800
Do I think that there's a level that he should treat you because he's a man?

1867
01:57:19.880 --> 01:57:20.220
Yes.

1868
01:57:20.380 --> 01:57:21.440
That's still there.

1869
01:57:22.380 --> 01:57:23.260
That's masculine.

1870
01:57:23.260 --> 01:57:28.000
But to say, because he didn't plan the first meetup,

1871
01:57:28.020 --> 01:57:30.380
that he's not pursuing you.

1872
01:57:30.900 --> 01:57:33.220
You ain't even in the, it's not that.

1873
01:57:33.500 --> 01:57:34.280
You liked him.

1874
01:57:34.400 --> 01:57:35.860
He liked you back on a dating app.

1875
01:57:35.960 --> 01:57:37.280
This is no different.

1876
01:57:38.160 --> 01:57:39.740
Oh, actually, no.

1877
01:57:39.760 --> 01:57:41.960
These two guys are actually in person.

1878
01:57:42.500 --> 01:57:44.580
I met this guy in LA and I don't live in LA.

1879
01:57:44.840 --> 01:57:46.540
And then I was referred.

1880
01:57:46.960 --> 01:57:49.700
So it's like, I just, they've never asked me out.

1881
01:57:49.740 --> 01:57:52.440
They never, I've talked to them a little bit,

1882
01:57:52.440 --> 01:57:54.740
but they're not like, Oh, I want to get to know you.

1883
01:57:54.920 --> 01:57:56.380
Or I don't know. So it just feels like.

1884
01:57:56.520 --> 01:57:57.800
But you want to get to know them.

1885
01:57:59.480 --> 01:58:01.260
Yeah, I'm interested in one of the guys.

1886
01:58:01.400 --> 01:58:03.240
I had a two hour conversation with him yesterday.

1887
01:58:03.920 --> 01:58:03.980
Oh,

1888
01:58:04.260 --> 01:58:07.400
Asked me like it said, like, I'm interested in getting to know you.

1889
01:58:07.560 --> 01:58:09.480
He just, we just talk once in a while.

1890
01:58:10.400 --> 01:58:14.700
Well, for that guy, you can always say, you know, I enjoy talking to you.

1891
01:58:14.700 --> 01:58:16.660
I'd be interested in getting to know you better.

1892
01:58:17.220 --> 01:58:19.600
On a different level. If you're interested, let me know.

1893
01:58:19.600 --> 01:58:22.300
At that moment, you stated what you had to say,

1894
01:58:22.440 --> 01:58:24.380
but you also put the ball in his court.

1895
01:58:25.840 --> 01:58:28.480
You don't think it would scare a guy off. If he saw it.

1896
01:58:28.740 --> 01:58:30.480
Who cares if he don't want you, he don't want you.

1897
01:58:30.580 --> 01:58:32.960
He didn't want you before you said it.

1898
01:58:33.040 --> 01:58:33.640
Scare him out.

1899
01:58:34.020 --> 01:58:36.600
He don't want you now, you know,

1900
01:58:38.020 --> 01:58:40.540
He doesn't want to know you like that.

1901
01:58:40.540 --> 01:58:43.180
Instead of you thinking it in your head.

1902
01:58:43.660 --> 01:58:46.760
Now, you know, he's not interested in you like that.

1903
01:58:47.760 --> 01:58:49.900
It wouldn't change that. If you kept talking to him,

1904
01:58:49.900 --> 01:58:52.960
you still interested in him and not knowing if he was interested in you.

1905
01:58:54.020 --> 01:58:56.100
You just dealt with it.

1906
01:58:56.140 --> 01:59:00.300
Or you can stop being concerned that if he's interested in you and just

1907
01:59:00.300 --> 01:59:02.260
continue talking to him.

1908
01:59:02.260 --> 01:59:02.760
There's an option.

1909
01:59:05.320 --> 01:59:05.880
Yeah.

1910
01:59:05.880 --> 01:59:10.600
I just, I'm just curious about like being more proactive instead of like,

1911
01:59:10.620 --> 01:59:12.500
Oh, I just keep talking or like,

1912
01:59:12.500 --> 01:59:12.880
I don't know.

1913
01:59:12.880 --> 01:59:12.880


1914
01:59:12.880 --> 01:59:12.880


1915
01:59:12.880 --> 01:59:13.360
I don't know. I just, I won't ever.

1916
01:59:13.840 --> 01:59:18.420
Say anything because I, I just think if a guy's interested, he would,

1917
01:59:18.620 --> 01:59:21.260
he would initiate like, and if he doesn't initiate,

1918
01:59:21.440 --> 01:59:24.340
then he's not interested. I just assume that.

1919
01:59:27.600 --> 01:59:29.080
I can't 100.

1920
01:59:29.740 --> 01:59:31.140
I understand what you're saying.

1921
01:59:32.160 --> 01:59:32.680
Right.

1922
01:59:32.680 --> 01:59:36.840
If a man likes you, he's going to make it. No, I could say that.

1923
01:59:36.840 --> 01:59:39.780
If some women come up intimidating, they thought about it.

1924
01:59:39.780 --> 01:59:44.020
They keep talking to you, hanging around. Maybe they thought, I don't know,

1925
01:59:45.100 --> 01:59:47.840
but I must, I somehow put it in the chat.

1926
01:59:47.840 --> 01:59:49.060
I'm a sooner than later.

1927
01:59:49.540 --> 01:59:52.280
I don't like fantasy situations.

1928
01:59:52.340 --> 01:59:55.480
You have me thinking something could happen. I'm talking to you.

1929
01:59:56.020 --> 01:59:58.400
So now that's not my personality.

1930
01:59:59.100 --> 01:59:59.980
I will.

1931
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:06.800
not i will not up that type of time hoping somebody asks me out

1932
02:00:09.480 --> 02:00:15.180
before i do that i'll say to them you know i like getting to know you so you got about if

1933
02:00:15.180 --> 02:00:19.680
you're interested you got one more day to ask me out if not we're gonna continue the way we are

1934
02:00:20.820 --> 02:00:26.240
you can flirt and leave it alone if he don't ask you he don't ask you

1935
02:00:28.520 --> 02:00:36.240
but no i don't i don't lend out time like this okay so test i i i

1936
02:00:39.360 --> 02:00:45.680
yeah i've done other advice too like oh just lay lay back and let the guy and so i'm just kind of

1937
02:00:45.680 --> 02:00:50.340
yeah maybe i can experiment you know i think you can flirt with him and see if he bites the bullet

1938
02:00:50.340 --> 02:00:56.020
but you need you need to make the flirt kind of a clear flirt but

1939
02:01:03.040 --> 02:01:06.960
whatever is gonna happen weird or numb weird is gonna happen if you

1940
02:01:06.960 --> 02:01:09.300
once you cross the chicken line you cross the chicken line

1941
02:01:11.280 --> 02:01:15.660
if you cross the line you're gonna cross the line you ain't you might well lay low

1942
02:01:15.660 --> 02:01:19.040
but don't start wondering we could be together what it would be

1943
02:01:19.040 --> 02:01:24.780
yeah no i'm no i don't do that no i don't sound like he's saying it i think we're getting a little

1944
02:01:24.780 --> 02:01:30.420
closer don't do that to yourself no no no i'm not like that it's more like do i'm i don't feel

1945
02:01:30.420 --> 02:01:36.040
comfortable making a move that's kind of what i'm saying i'm not like i i'm yeah trying to

1946
02:01:36.040 --> 02:01:44.300
interpret well show up in your feminine order and just flirt i haven't well

1947
02:01:46.780 --> 02:01:47.900
i don't know okay

1948
02:01:51.020 --> 02:01:57.840
i have i you know my i'm a very dominant person after i i i don't like elephants in the room

1949
02:01:58.480 --> 02:02:03.040
i don't care what it costs me i'm gonna face the head on because i feel safe with knowing

1950
02:02:03.500 --> 02:02:10.560
i feel unsafe without knowing oh well i've been i've been criticized for that like joanne you

1951
02:02:11.360 --> 02:02:18.320
so just like after like dtr all the time what are we what's going on so i was like okay i'll

1952
02:02:18.320 --> 02:02:27.300
just surrender and let go you know what i mean yeah so okay you are interesting joanne

1953
02:02:31.960 --> 02:02:37.540
all right is that it joanne well yeah i want to be respectful i can always save my others

1954
02:02:40.140 --> 02:02:45.060
okay okay all right renee hey girl

1955
02:02:47.100 --> 02:02:52.940
hey sorry you don't have to feel like you have to hang in with us please by all means have a

1956
02:02:52.940 --> 02:03:00.620
good night we're so happy you joined us um it's over at 8 15 so we we went well over i just wanted

1957
02:03:00.620 --> 02:03:09.400
to get all the questions in and so um yeah so no pressure to hang on go ahead um renee and if not

1958
02:03:09.460 --> 02:03:14.860
um you can just i'll give the question and you if you want to answer in the other one

1959
02:03:20.140 --> 02:03:28.160
no well i did but like i have a question but if you want to answer it in the um in the ask a coach

1960
02:03:28.160 --> 02:03:36.620
isn't fine too so um because i want to be respectful of your time also um and

1961
02:03:37.040 --> 02:03:44.880
as you can hear in the background your baby yeah she's getting restless oh boy we've been on here

1962
02:03:44.880 --> 02:03:53.680
wow what's your question renee though um so like um uh so remember the the guy from dfw

1963
02:03:54.320 --> 02:03:59.760
yeah like i was talking about um yeah he's a great guy and stuff like that but what does

1964
02:03:59.760 --> 02:04:05.140
that stem from like i remember you one of the girls had asked about you dwell you dwell like

1965
02:04:05.140 --> 02:04:10.240
a guy you like you're like oh wow yeah you think about him but it's it's not gonna go anywhere and

1966
02:04:10.240 --> 02:04:14.480
you know that but you think about it and you're like wow i kind of like him yeah you're like

1967
02:04:14.640 --> 02:04:20.420
and you're going yeah i do kind of like him yeah and and it's like yeah you just met yesterday

1968
02:04:20.420 --> 02:04:26.420
people you just met yesterday this is not like hey hey i've known him for 20 years

1969
02:04:26.420 --> 02:04:30.640
no like i met him in the grocery store we bumped carts oh my gosh we're getting married

1970
02:04:30.880 --> 02:04:37.340
and you're like no that's not gonna happen like but you're like you know what i've i've uh picked

1971
02:04:37.340 --> 02:04:42.380
up my wedding dress and the flowers are on order yeah yeah do you know his name yeah you're like

1972
02:04:42.380 --> 02:04:48.020
do you know his name uh no it's some guy in produce but i uh i think we are we connected

1973
02:04:48.020 --> 02:04:53.260
did he look at you not really but he did look down at his cart that i just bumped so i think

1974
02:04:53.260 --> 02:04:59.860
it's a connection and you're like no no and so i'm like you know but i was like

1975
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:06.700
No, I am curious about that. And then you had said, I know, and I wanted to apologize,

1976
02:05:06.700 --> 02:05:13.560
I didn't get back on because I've been busy with the small fry. You're like, Hey, get back on.

1977
02:05:13.640 --> 02:05:20.060
And we'll talk about like my aggressiveness. So I relate, I can't relate to Joanne not being

1978
02:05:20.060 --> 02:05:26.240
aggressive, because you're like, yeah, you are kind of aggressive in your, your, your profile,

1979
02:05:26.240 --> 02:05:29.580
telling men what you want and what you don't want. And I was like, well,

1980
02:05:29.580 --> 02:05:33.280
I don't have a problem with that. Not at all.

1981
02:05:37.520 --> 02:05:43.480
But if, if you to be respectful of your time, if you want to answer that and ask the coach,

1982
02:05:43.720 --> 02:05:46.460
I completely understand. I don't have a problem with that.

1983
02:05:46.940 --> 02:05:49.760
So what, which, which question are you saying? Do I want to answer?

1984
02:05:50.480 --> 02:05:56.500
Either one, like both of them, all of them, all the above, whatever you want to do, Ebony.

1985
02:05:57.160 --> 02:05:58.640
How not to fantasize?

1986
02:05:59.300 --> 02:05:59.600
Either one.

1987
02:06:01.700 --> 02:06:07.460
I didn't realize you live so close to, I didn't live. I did not understand you live in Georgetown,

1988
02:06:07.580 --> 02:06:09.680
Texas. You live in Georgetown, Texas.

1989
02:06:09.700 --> 02:06:12.600
I live like an hour from Georgetown, Texas.

1990
02:06:12.600 --> 02:06:22.520
Oh, wow. One of the young, oh Lord, it's 907. One of the young ladies, her name is, why is her

1991
02:06:22.520 --> 02:06:26.100
mouth, she's sleeping mouth. She's going to make a post, but she's coming into town. She's from

1992
02:06:26.100 --> 02:06:31.340
Nebraska, but she's in year two, phase two. And I told her just make a post and let the

1993
02:06:31.340 --> 02:06:36.940
ladies in the area know she's here. When I was in, when I was in this program, if somebody came

1994
02:06:36.940 --> 02:06:42.580
to town, all of us like meet and go bowling or meet and go out to eat. So I told her to post it,

1995
02:06:42.600 --> 02:06:51.380
um, so you guys can all get together. And so, um, yeah, so just wanted to say that. Um, and so,

1996
02:06:51.760 --> 02:06:57.800
yeah. But, um, the question is, how don't you fantasize, which I think is kind of fun

1997
02:06:57.800 --> 02:07:02.220
and sweet and cute because you already know it's not true. Right. So it is fun.

1998
02:07:02.380 --> 02:07:04.500
Oh yeah. It's hilarious. Cause you're like, yeah.

1999
02:07:04.500 --> 02:07:06.920
And then the other one is how you don't be so aggressive.

2000
02:07:07.680 --> 02:07:11.180
Um, you said, well, you didn't say anything about that. You just said,

2001
02:07:11.180 --> 02:07:16.780
Hey, are you going to be on, um, Tuesday night meeting? I'll, I'll address it there,

2002
02:07:16.840 --> 02:07:20.200
but you didn't say what you were going to address. And I was like, okay, well,

2003
02:07:21.180 --> 02:07:25.760
was it about your post when you, I think it was about my profile and you were like,

2004
02:07:25.820 --> 02:07:29.500
you're a little aggressive in there. And I was like, was I aggressive?

2005
02:07:29.800 --> 02:07:33.640
What you did was, let me tell you what you did. Let me tell you, you say,

2006
02:07:34.360 --> 02:07:39.300
this is what I want. And what I don't want is a weak man. You didn't use them words,

2007
02:07:39.300 --> 02:07:44.180
but this is what you say. I probably did use those words. I guarantee I probably did use those

2008
02:07:43.700 --> 02:07:49.840
words. I guarantee I use those words. I want somebody to be able to tell me when I'm wrong,

2009
02:07:49.940 --> 02:07:55.140
but also admit when they wrong. And I'm like, yeah, I was pretty straightforward.

2010
02:07:55.640 --> 02:07:58.220
I mean, that's not straightforward. That's combative.

2011
02:07:58.960 --> 02:08:01.660
Yeah. You were like, that's combative. And I was like, really?

2012
02:08:02.120 --> 02:08:07.140
And no man wants to sign up to a combative woman because women have a tendency to be combative.

2013
02:08:07.140 --> 02:08:11.620
And so when you tell a person, I want somebody to be able to tell me about myself,

2014
02:08:11.680 --> 02:08:15.860
but if you're wrong, you need to own it. That sounds like a wounded woman.

2015
02:08:17.480 --> 02:08:23.840
So if you want a man with wisdom, you'd be better off saying, I enjoy men who carries wisdom.

2016
02:08:25.020 --> 02:08:33.940
I enjoy keeping company with wise men. Because what you said, so that's combative. It does feel

2017
02:08:33.940 --> 02:08:37.860
aggressive. And no man is going to sign up to come wrestle and argue with a woman.

2018
02:08:39.720 --> 02:08:43.860
Especially when women always believe that they're right. And I don't know,

2019
02:08:44.960 --> 02:08:48.640
most women, I believe that they're always right. Even when they're wrong,

2020
02:08:48.720 --> 02:08:51.220
they believe some of what they say was right, at least.

2021
02:08:51.920 --> 02:08:53.000
That's true. I mean,

2022
02:08:53.000 --> 02:08:57.640
And so you got to take some pictures with color. You're going to have to take some pictures solo,

2023
02:08:57.640 --> 02:09:02.500
and you're going to have to put some color on. So it's going to liven your pictures up a lot.

2024
02:09:02.500 --> 02:09:09.560
And I think that that's going to really help your photos and your profile. Because you're a

2025
02:09:09.560 --> 02:09:14.780
beautiful woman, and there's no reason why you shouldn't be getting dates. But with black and

2026
02:09:14.780 --> 02:09:19.580
white, you look washed out. So it doesn't look lively. But put on one of your colors that you

2027
02:09:19.580 --> 02:09:24.960
know complements your skin. You have beautiful black hair, and I think that should be on display.

2028
02:09:25.480 --> 02:09:32.080
And then consider the profile that I gave you back in return. And then you want to be mindful

2029
02:09:32.080 --> 02:09:37.100
of that when you do go out on dates. One thing that's going to help you is when the man says

2030
02:09:37.140 --> 02:09:41.760
something, just say, oh, that's such a great idea. I don't care what you think about it.

2031
02:09:41.760 --> 02:09:50.060
It's going to put you in the feminine order. Men are, in some senses, this is how men are designed.

2032
02:09:50.280 --> 02:09:55.540
They're designed to enjoy appreciation. They're designed to enjoy like, man, that was a good idea.

2033
02:09:55.600 --> 02:09:59.640
That was a really good thought. You never said it was the best idea.

2034
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:09.520
idea you just said that was a good idea like oh I never thought about that, like the instead of yeah I already knew that because see one time.

2035
02:10:11.860 --> 02:10:14.180
If you want to be softer say.

2036
02:10:15.360 --> 02:10:21.320
I never thought about it that way i've had some thoughts, but not quite like that that's it.

2037
02:10:22.760 --> 02:10:27.740
Right sorry i'm laughing because i'm thinking yeah that's beautiful idea let's eat raw fish yes.

2038
02:10:27.740 --> 02:10:35.800
That's my idea yeah that is a great idea right stand on the roof and jump up that's a great idea yeah.

2039
02:10:36.420 --> 02:10:40.540
Remember you're gonna you're gonna you're not gonna talk to boys you're gonna be talking to

2040
02:10:40.540 --> 02:10:46.800
to a guy right to grown up man grown up man can act like little boys but that's the part of them

2041
02:10:46.800 --> 02:10:51.660
that's fun you have to accept the little boy not an immature man because there's a little boy like

2042
02:10:51.660 --> 02:10:57.360
it's a little girl in all of us. True they have their own side too. They have the little boy that

2043
02:10:57.360 --> 02:11:07.080
um so yeah and so I want you to do that Renee okay and and just you know soften up

2044
02:11:07.460 --> 02:11:16.040
um your profile and into. I sent you a new one. Okay. That is I hope softer I have. I think what

2045
02:11:16.040 --> 02:11:21.420
the problem is. Toned it down. Oh when you put it under reply like under original it's just not

2046
02:11:21.420 --> 02:11:26.420
popping back up for me like so I didn't see anything so I need to go back in and find that

2047
02:11:26.420 --> 02:11:31.460
because it's not sending me. Oh do you want me to just ask it like a separate question then

2048
02:11:31.580 --> 02:11:36.560
again ask the coach a separate one. That'd be great and I noticed that somebody had put

2049
02:11:36.560 --> 02:11:41.940
at my name one time and it popped right up but if it falls under another post we literally have to

2050
02:11:41.940 --> 02:11:47.660
go into like a back or the way to pull them up because they're not showing us again like somebody

2051
02:11:47.740 --> 02:11:52.580
at the front of me had been four days since I said something bad and I didn't even know that

2052
02:11:52.580 --> 02:11:56.780
had said anything and so there was. I think that's the same thing for me. I think when you

2053
02:11:56.780 --> 02:12:02.460
replied to come on it it does the same thing and I think it was like six days so I think it's that

2054
02:12:02.780 --> 02:12:08.760
same thing it kind of like but you have to click on that post and then click back and then do the

2055
02:12:08.760 --> 02:12:15.540
same thing so I think it's actually the same type of thing going on also where it does that so I

2056
02:12:15.720 --> 02:12:23.680
like that's the same thing too so that's good that makes sense I can do that okay all right

2057
02:12:25.460 --> 02:12:31.320
okay good talking to you thank you good talking to you all right you're welcome Nikki

2058
02:12:32.380 --> 02:12:39.120
um I just wanted to say that I really appreciate you Ebony um I just hear the

2059
02:12:39.120 --> 02:12:44.400
heart of the Lord and everything you say and you're like a blanket to the soul

2060
02:12:45.880 --> 02:12:52.940
I just want to thank you Nikki I was like what do Nikki have to say I cannot get out this land

2061
02:12:52.940 --> 02:12:59.640
without Nikki talking I could not believe your hand was up thank you Nikki thank you

2062
02:13:00.900 --> 02:13:07.760
thank you you're worth every minute listening to for real thank you so much it's very kind

2063
02:13:07.840 --> 02:13:13.000
I appreciate you all you all this love it's so fun being here with y'all yeah these are

2064
02:13:13.000 --> 02:13:17.360
best times you guys one day we're gonna be putting on dancing shoes showing up at your

2065
02:13:17.360 --> 02:13:23.300
wedding whether you believe it or not it is sure to come the Bible says that God is a rewarder of

2066
02:13:23.300 --> 02:13:28.880
they who diligently seek him that when he shows up he always shows up with reward in his hand

2067
02:13:28.880 --> 02:13:36.980
and we're gonna be like you know um be like Abraham against against against the odds he hoped

2068
02:13:36.980 --> 02:13:42.160
in the Lord anyway and God does fulfill his promises we know we don't like the idea that

2069
02:13:42.160 --> 02:13:47.520
it could take a long time but whether it take a long time or a short time he is faithful to

2070
02:13:47.520 --> 02:13:52.120
complete the work that he started in us and so God I just thank you for these ladies I thank you for

2071
02:13:52.120 --> 02:13:56.520
their journey and I thank you above all that they get to know their father in ways they have not

2072
02:13:56.520 --> 02:14:02.920
known you before I thank you Lord God for the future is bright for them even their present time

2073
02:14:02.920 --> 02:14:09.960
in Jesus name amen I mean good night ladies I'll see you next Tuesday

2074
02:14:10.880 --> 02:14:19.400
thank you good night y'all God bless everyone good night night ladies night night