WEBVTT

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Hello. Happy Monday night, everyone. Welcome for our 8pm session. I'm so excited to be

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here. I want to welcome all of you, all of my ladies returning. Hello, welcome back.

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Who are my new ladies? You've never been with us in a live session before. Tonight is your

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first night with us. We'd love for you to put that in the chat for us so we can welcome

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you. I'm not sure if we have any what I would call our newbies, but welcome if you are brand

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new. We're so glad that you've joined us on this journey as well. All right, Ashley's

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a newbie. Welcome. We are so excited to have you here with us. Angie's new. Awesome. Awesome.

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Ladies that have been been here before, welcome the ladies, please. It always feels really

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good when those that have been here already welcome those that are brand new. And so tonight

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we have some great things in store. As always, I do want to remind you all a couple things

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just I've been seeing and it's not bad or anything. No one's in trouble. But I always

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love to bring this every couple weeks anyways, as a reminder, because ladies in general,

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we tend to be helpers. Okay, that's a part of our calling to be the helpmate for our

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spirit mate one day. But sometimes that can get out of alignment and get overextended

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where we don't know how to turn that off. And when you're here in the heart work, journey

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and course, we encourage you to be receivers to practice receiving everything that you need

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to come in and cheer on your sisters, you can say, Hey, I'm going to pray for you. You can

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say, man, I really loved what you shared in your post that really spoke to me or I got revelation

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too. But we don't want you asking other women in the group questions. Okay? Those of you that are

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taking the course, your role here is the receiver, not the helper, not the fixer,

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not the coach, not the peer coach. That's my job. And that's Andrea's people that are on our team

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here. And the reason I always love to remind all of you is some people are just natural helpers.

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Some people have been or are currently coaches or counselors or leadership in ministry or just

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really amazing leaders. And so some of you all have a hard time turning that off. And so this

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is your friendly reminder to go ahead and turn that dial down and not step into that. This time

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is again, for you to practice receiving and cheering people on without crossing that boundary,

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because you're going to need to practice that even as you step into relationship with men,

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practicing your boundaries here of not being the fixer, not being the helper, you know what you

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need to find a man that doesn't need you to fix him and help him all the time. So this will be

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really great practice for you. Because sometimes ladies, we just can't help ourselves. Can we?

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We think it's our job to fix those men. And it's not. It's not our job. God is working in them.

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And we can be the helpmate and the partner to cheer them on, to pray for them, to intercede.

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And when God calls us to, to help them in the way that he asked us to. So for those of you that

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struggle to turn that helper off, this is your time to practice. And I'm so excited to see you

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make that shift. I'm going to go ahead and pass it over to Annette. Go ahead and do that additional

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housekeeping for us and then pray ascend, please. Okay, sounds good. Welcome, everyone. It's good

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to see you all tonight. Just a couple things, putting the plug in again for Supernatural

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Saturday. This last week was unexpected in the direction that it went, but it was so, so good.

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And one thing that really stood out to me this last weekend was when God's super meets our

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natural. That has really stuck with me and blessed me this week. And I know that you will all be

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blessed as well. If you weren't able to attend, listen to the replay. It's always rich in wisdom

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and God's wisdom for us. So the last thing is we love your posts. We love getting into the group

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and being able to respond and interact with you and give you feedback. Also, it's always exciting

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to see how your sisters are encouraged by your posts and your, when you just step out, encourage

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and share something that might be really difficult for you, but that also might be what triggers

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one of your sisters or enables them to have the courage to be able to stand up and share

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something that they're struggling with and that we can come in and coach you around and ask some

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questions and maybe just go a little bit deeper. So keep showing up and keep dropping those posts

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for us to be able to share with you. Okay. All right. We're going to go ahead and pray now and

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get started. Dear heavenly father, I thank you for the blessing of this community in this group.

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And I thank you for the privilege of being able to gather together tonight.

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And your word says

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that were two or more gathered in your name, you're there. And we welcome your Holy Spirit

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to lead, guide, direct, to reveal powerful revealings, God, that help us to step into

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alignment with the truth of who you say we are and what you say over the things that have happened

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in our lives. And I pray that for each lady on the call tonight, that they would just be still

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and hear your voice and come into agreement with what you're trying to teach them and show them.

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Bless Bethany tonight as she speaks, may your words flow through her. In your name I pray. Amen.

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Amen. Praise the Lord. Thank you so much, Annette. I'm so excited about where we are going

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tonight. Always am. You guys, I love this. I love coming in here and releasing additional content

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for you to meditate on and think on, but also for you all to get breakthrough. It's like one of my

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favorite, favorite things. And so I'm believing for that tonight. I put in the reminder in the

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app notification. I don't know if y'all saw it, but come expecting God to heal and to receive

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something that you need to shift you into that additional upgrade that God has for you tonight.

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So we're going to talk about identity tonight. And I want to right out of the gate, get you all

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in the chat right now. So I'm going to ask you a question and I just want you to fill in the blank.

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Now, when you fill in the blank, I don't want you to filter this. I don't want you to put your,

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I have to be a good Christian girl pants on. Okay. Now, if you think something that follows

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in that, you know, kind of falls in that area. Awesome. But if you don't, what I'm trying to

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say is I don't want you to like make something sound better. I want you just to be real authentic

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and genuine. Okay. So here is the question. I'm going to say the question and then I'm going to

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have you fill in the blank. So don't answer the question part, but I want you just to fill in the

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blank. Okay. So I didn't want that to be confusing. Here's the question. What do you tend to think

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about yourself? Fill in the blank. I am blank. What do you tend to think about yourself? I am

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fill in the blank. And go ahead and put those in the chat for me as those come up for you.

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Lisa says, I am beautiful. Anyone else? I am a woman who tries so hard and desperately wants

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to be the best they can. I am quiet. I am hidden. Not getting it together. I'm never doing enough.

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A quiet person. I am lost, meandering, quiet. Well, that's come up three times tonight.

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I am not enough. I am undateable. Interesting. I am judgmental, reserved, chosen. I used to

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think I am not enough, but I'm working on that. Awesome. I'm a good person. I'm broken and

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hypocritical. I'm strong yet trying too hard to... I think she's probably finishing that thought.

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Too much. I am me. I am creative. I'm worn out. I don't measure up. I am strong. I'm not confident.

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I'm a work in progress. Needy. Any others? You guys can keep putting those in the chat if those

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come to you. I'm compassionate and feel hidden. I'm critical. I'm unlovable, even though my name

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means the opposite. All right. I am not ready. I am caring. I am nice. I am too much. I'm going

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to talk about the quiet one. Interestingly enough, while Annette was praying, I was writing some

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things down on my paper as the Holy Spirit was giving me some things. So we're going to talk

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about and unpack some things that you all are partnering with that I believe the Holy Spirit

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has said tonight that He wants you to come out of agreement with. And this is what I wrote down.

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Fat, stupid, weird, and shy. Those were the four words I heard in the Spirit. And not all of you

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those things, but I feel like some of you might think one or two or maybe all of those things.

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But the interesting thing about it is that it doesn't mean people can't ever have an introverted

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personality where they might be more like they're the kind of person that needs some quiet time.

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I actually am an introvert. I know you all might not believe it, but I love being with people. But

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there are a lot of people that I've partnered with. I'm quiet. I'm shy. I'm, you know, these

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kind of things that actually a lot of the reason that's happened and the reason they've become that

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person is because something happened along the way. And the enemy convinced them it was better

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to pull back and be quiet. And don't speak. Don't let your voice be heard. Don't let your heart be

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known. Don't, don't be that bubbly version of yourself. You got to dial.

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it down because you're too much. You know, all these kind of things, ladies. And then

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I wrote down, I know this is not true, of course. But again, a lot of people struggling

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with body image issues or the fat thing wanting to come up stupid and weird. I hear these

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a lot. I want you to be thinking about as I'm continuing in the content tonight, how

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many times have you had a thought like, Oh, that's so stupid that I thought that or I'm

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so weird, you know, or I'm so awkward or any of those kind of phrases or thoughts that

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you might have had along the way. God wants you to come out of agreement and alignment

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with those things tonight because that is not who he has made you to be. And those are

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not statements he wants you to be claiming over yourself. What thoughts are you currently

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aligning with that are not God's truth over you or to you or for you? Something that came

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up on the prayer call this morning as I was praying that I want to also release to you

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all tonight is there are a lot of people that are struggling with, you know, we think sin

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is always this overt, you know, stuff that, you know, the lust in the sex before marriage

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and the drinking and the addictions. And yes, it is all of those things, ladies. But you

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know what? There's these kind of unspoken sins that we don't talk about as much that

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are really growing rampant all throughout the world. Sins like grumbling, complaining,

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bickering, fault finding, being a negative person, having a critical attitude or mindset

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or heart posture. And I want to encourage you this morning, the Holy Spirit led me to

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call the women in this community to repentance to come out of those places and spaces because

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God did not want us to be in those places. And so many of us, it's not even just us.

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It's what's come down through our family line. Some of you don't even realize that you're

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up against not only your own battle, but you're struggling with this stuff because it came

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down. You heard it from mom or grandma or dad or, you know, your sisters or your aunts

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or whoever it was. Maybe it was teachers. I don't know. But you've heard this stuff.

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Maybe you've been listening to it for generations and not realizing that this is not a part

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of who God originally created you to be. He's calling you to be a kinsman redeemer, that

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person that is going to pioneer some change and transformation in your family. And sometimes

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pioneering is like an outward, like we're just going and changing the landscape and

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the space outwardly. But y'all, sometimes it's this quiet, inward choice and thing that

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we're doing where we're saying, you know what? I don't want to continue to live in

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this negative heart posture, this negative mindset, this critical attitude all the time.

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I'm going to choose to come out of grumbling and I'm going to stop complaining about that

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situation or that person or that thing. And I'm going to choose to see the gold in them.

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I'm going to choose to see the gold in that situation. Now, I'm not asking you to go and

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around toxic people. Don't misunderstand what I'm saying. I always feel like it's important

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to bring that balance. But what I am saying is some of you, the fault finding, man, you've

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just parked your RV there, if you will, and you're living there. But that is never where

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God intended for you to be. And some of that fault finding is even towards yourself. And

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so, really important as we dive more into identity tonight, for you to be thinking about.

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Remember last week, I talked about Adam and Eve, you know, when they ate of the fruit.

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Well then they knew that they were naked and God's like, who told you that you were naked?

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Well, the reason I started doing that last week is to set up this week, because those

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two weeks tie together the real you and your core identity. Who does Christ say you are?

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And are you truly living into that identity? Who and what are you currently getting your

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source from, your identity from? What you've eaten, is that where you're getting it from?

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And what do I mean by that? Well, I mean this. We all have taken in trauma through things

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that we've experienced. Some of us have chosen to step into sin and we've, so to speak, eaten

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the fruit. And that's led us into hiding. That's led us into other things, other behaviors

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and heart patterns and postures and the ways that we're thinking and feeling. And other

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times, other people have done things to us. Or, here's another one, ladies. Sometimes

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our family has gone through something and we've witnessed that thing. It has impacted

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us and our families, but it didn't happen directly.

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directly to us.

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And the example I gave this afternoon

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was when I was in fourth grade,

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about eight or nine years old,

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my mom, my oldest brother, and my sister

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were hit by a drunk driver, and it was very serious.

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My mom, thankfully, was okay.

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My oldest brother was in a coma for months.

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My sister had to have brain surgery.

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It was a whole big thing.

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Y'all, I was eight or nine years old.

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My mom was gone at the hospital a lot.

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I went to the hospital.

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It was very scary seeing my sister, her head's all bandaged.

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You know, my brothers all like huddled in this, you know,

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coma, he's got all these things and cords.

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And then even after he came out of the coma,

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and even after my sister came out of the hospital,

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she had to have like,

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we had to have someone come up to the house and tutor her

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because she couldn't go back to school for a long time.

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My brother had to go to rehab

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because he literally, when he came out of the coma,

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didn't remember how to do anything anymore.

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Legitimately, y'all.

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He had to go to a place to learn how to do everything again.

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So this was in another town, another city,

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and my mom had to go with him.

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So who do you think was with me

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if my mom was a single mom and my dad was gone?

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Well, thankfully I was able to stay with my grandparents,

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but even though I know my mom now,

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I'm old enough to understand now,

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my mom had to go and take care of my brother.

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My mom had to go to the hospital and take care of my sister.

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And I could even kind of comprehend it back then,

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but the reality is I believe the lie that I was abandoned

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and I wasn't as important as my siblings.

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Now that's not truth,

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but I'm just telling you the lie of the enemy

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that he presented to me.

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And I was not in a place

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to be able to fight that stuff off.

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I was just a little kid.

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And so maybe your situations aren't the same as that.

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Maybe you went through something different,

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but some of you, your families went through things.

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And when that happened, you were young

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and you also believed some lies

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that came into the core of your identity

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that are still impacting you today.

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Who or what are you currently getting your identity from?

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Number two, is it something

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that people said to you or about you?

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So what have people said to you and over you?

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Is there anyone that's ever said

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that you're never gonna get married?

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Or I've had women in this community tell me

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that someone said they're an old maid and they were young.

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Y'all, they weren't even older.

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Someone said this over them 20, 30 some years ago.

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And guess what?

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Unfortunately, because they didn't forgive that.

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They didn't even know until God brought it up,

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but because they didn't know to forgive that person,

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they've subconsciously been partnering with that.

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Do you see how this stuff works?

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So what are some things that people have said over you?

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I want you to be jotting things down as they come to mind.

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Maybe an ex, y'all are fighting

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and they're just saying horrible, mean things over you.

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Maybe it was your mom growing up.

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You'll never amount to anything.

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I don't know why.

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I just always say whatever comes up in my spirit.

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So I don't know if someone's mom or dad said that to you,

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but you are amounting to something

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and you've always been worth it.

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You've always been worth it.

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Number three, are you getting your identity

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from things that the enemy says about you?

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Yes, those people were being used by the enemy,

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but I also like to bring some differentiation to this

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because sometimes we hear things directly

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from the voice of the enemy in our mind,

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in our subconscious, in our spirit, in the soul area.

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And we don't always know how to fight that stuff off.

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I've had people just talk to me a little bit,

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even about when depression

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and suicidal thoughts come out of nowhere.

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Some people have never had any thought about suicide.

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And then all of a sudden,

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here's these really crazy thoughts

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that they don't even matter.

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And why are they even here?

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And all of these things, y'all,

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that is from the enemy,

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directly from the enemy to assault your mind

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and to steal your life.

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Or are you getting your identity

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from who God says that you are?

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When I encourage you,

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we're gonna build on what I had you do earlier in the chat.

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I want you to now write down two to three words or phrases

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that come to mind right now about who you are.

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Don't hold anything back.

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Write down exactly what you hear or think.

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Who are you?

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And you can write this on your paper.

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You can put it in the chat

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if you want two to three words or phrases.

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And as you're doing that,

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I want you to start thinking about.

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your root system, I likened it to this.

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If you guys can kind of imagine, here's the soil, okay?

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I'm gonna pretend my hand is the soil.

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And everything underneath there,

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the roots underneath of there

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are all attached up into that soil.

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And I want you to be thinking about the things

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that go into your soil.

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What are the nutrients in your life?

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You know, what are the things that you're allowing

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to come into your mind, your ears, your heart?

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You know, is it TV shows that are toxic

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or filling you with a bunch of hatred

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and just chaos in the world?

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Is it people that you're surrounding yourself

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with friends or family members

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that just really don't have anything good to say

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and they're not people that build you up,

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but they're just, they tend to be negative.

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Or maybe you might be some of the lucky ones

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or really blessed ones who tend to surround yourself

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with some really amazing people and that's awesome.

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But I want you to be thinking about that soil

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and how important the soil is, remember?

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Everything, the roots are all connected up into here.

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Now we have unhealthy roots and we have healthy roots.

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And we're gonna talk about that a little more here.

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But everything in the soil, you all, everything in here,

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everything that's in here eventually

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is going to come out of where?

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Our mouths.

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Our heart, out of the overflow of the heart,

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the mouth speaks.

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And even if we don't speak it out of our mouths,

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you all, we think it and we tend to act on it.

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So what have you been acting on this week?

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Your thoughts that are out of the overflow of your heart

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that haven't led you in a heavenly direction?

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Okay, because I asked you,

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go ahead and put down who you think you are,

305
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but now let's unpack it a little more.

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Do your thoughts about yourself line up

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with heaven's heart and thoughts about you?

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And maybe you're like, I don't know.

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What is heaven saying about me?

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Well, we can look directly to the word of God for that,

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but we can also ask God to give us something fresh

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every single day from the heart of heaven for us.

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Luke 6 45 in the NLT version says this,

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a good person produces good things

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from the treasury of a good heart.

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And an evil person produces evil things

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from the treasury of an evil heart.

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What you say flows from what is in your heart.

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Anybody said anything negative in the last week?

320
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Anybody thought anything negative in the last week?

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See, we all tend to do this,

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but so often we're just kind of going about our life

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and we're not slowing down and actually thinking about

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where did that thought come from?

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So I want you to start doing that.

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I want you to start slowing down

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and really looking at where are the thoughts coming from

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that you're having?

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Is it coming from the heart of the father?

330
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Is it coming from a wound that you've been through?

331
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Is it coming from something that someone has said over you

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that you are now partnering with?

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Are your roots giving you life

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or are they causing you to decay slowly or quickly?

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And how can you tell what's in your roots?

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Well, we're gonna look at the fruit in our lives.

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And I'm gonna read some things to you

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to help you kind of start to like,

339
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no, okay, what is the fruit?

340
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What are the roots?

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This is from the heart workbook.

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Excuse me, I got to turn to here.

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And I try to tell you all the chapters

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just because my physical book pages

345
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are different than your ebook, but it's in chapter five.

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And this is what it says, fruits versus roots.

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Fruits are the emotional or physical manifestations

348
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and the subsequent actions, okay?

349
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That's really key.

350
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Fruits are the emotional or physical manifestations

351
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and then that those actions,

352
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remember the actions are part of it

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that you have been taking as a result

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of what you actually believe in your heart.

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Fruits may include sickness, self-pity,

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a victim mentality, despair, suicidal tendencies,

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disgust in judgment.

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Just a side note, if you have a problem with judging others,

359
00:24:30.560 --> 00:24:32.580
it's because you have a fragmented heart.

360
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A judgmental heart is a hurting heart.

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I'm gonna throw out here as well.

362
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I didn't say it this afternoon,

363
00:24:38.720 --> 00:24:42.380
but if you get offended at the drop of a hat, ladies,

364
00:24:42.840 --> 00:24:44.520
that's a heart issue in you.

365
00:24:45.480 --> 00:24:48.560
We should not be so easily offended all the time.

366
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And if we are, we need to be willing to look at

367
00:24:51.640 --> 00:24:54.160
what's going on underneath the surface here.

368
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What's causing that offense?

369
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I'm not saying that there's not things

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00:24:58.240 --> 00:24:59.860
that other people don't do.

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00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.160
That they shouldn't that we get offended by but there are some people literally on a dime. They're offended

372
00:25:05.160 --> 00:25:10.380
They're offended about this and this and this it's like constant if that's you again, there's no shame

373
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There's no judgment, but I just want you to be willing to be honest with yourself

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Some more fruits that we can look at our obesity perversion

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addiction sexual dysfunction

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Hopelessness, so if you're someone where you just you never have hope you really really struggle with that hopelessness again

377
00:25:27.760 --> 00:25:35.440
That's a fruit of what's going on in the heart hatred self-hatred. Just so you know all forms of hatred begin with self

378
00:25:36.040 --> 00:25:41.480
Hatred you cannot hate someone else without hating yourself first

379
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Here are some others

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abrasiveness short-temper irritability jealousy envy

381
00:25:48.460 --> 00:25:50.460
competitiveness comparing

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00:25:50.800 --> 00:25:51.800
gossiping

383
00:25:51.800 --> 00:25:54.780
Backstabbing being unhappy ungratefulness

384
00:25:54.780 --> 00:26:03.900
Selfishness having a poverty mentality if you are habitually negative unfaithful or have any form of dis disease

385
00:26:05.400 --> 00:26:06.080
disconnection

386
00:26:06.440 --> 00:26:11.340
Discontent and disappointment you are suffering from a broken heart

387
00:26:11.560 --> 00:26:18.260
And we could keep going on ladies. Someone asked me this afternoon. Well, is there don't all people have these things?

388
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Well, yeah, I think to some degree we do

389
00:26:21.340 --> 00:26:28.940
But here's the thing if we were like it's different if you go through something and you feel disappointment in that moment

390
00:26:29.340 --> 00:26:32.400
compared to living in a heart posture of

391
00:26:32.460 --> 00:26:33.020
disappointment

392
00:26:33.760 --> 00:26:37.700
Where that is the lot that you're living in. Do you understand what I'm saying?

393
00:26:38.360 --> 00:26:41.740
If you tend to think negative things a lot of the time

394
00:26:42.380 --> 00:26:50.040
There's a reason that that is where you're currently at but that is not God's heart for you

395
00:26:50.040 --> 00:26:57.120
God has a plan for goodness and fullness and fun and joy all the fruits of the Spirit love and joy

396
00:26:57.580 --> 00:26:58.700
peace kindness

397
00:26:59.080 --> 00:27:02.020
goodness, so if we're living in negativity and

398
00:27:02.480 --> 00:27:06.960
criticalness y'all that is not that is not us flowing in the fruits of the Spirit and

399
00:27:08.220 --> 00:27:10.940
Really we might want to ask

400
00:27:10.940 --> 00:27:14.060
When is the last time I've been filled up with the Holy Spirit?

401
00:27:16.040 --> 00:27:19.940
You might be running on empty maybe a little past empty

402
00:27:21.340 --> 00:27:27.640
Okay, so let's be looking at those things and really ask the Lord to reveal areas for healing that are needed

403
00:27:27.640 --> 00:27:32.560
I'm gonna have a net share what God has put on her heart for tonight for us as well

404
00:27:34.840 --> 00:27:35.880
Thanks, Bethany

405
00:27:37.140 --> 00:27:41.520
One of the things I did heart work I started in the group in

406
00:27:42.520 --> 00:27:43.040
2020

407
00:27:43.780 --> 00:27:47.720
So I have been in process for a while, but when I was thinking back

408
00:27:48.340 --> 00:27:53.080
And one of the big things that God really did in my heart

409
00:27:53.680 --> 00:27:58.780
when I was in the heart work portion was the verse that's

410
00:27:59.780 --> 00:28:05.460
Mentioned actually multiple times in the word, but it says love your neighbor as yourself

411
00:28:06.480 --> 00:28:07.160
and

412
00:28:07.160 --> 00:28:13.180
For the first time that really sunk down. I understand we're supposed to love other people. I knew that

413
00:28:14.080 --> 00:28:19.560
But I heard what felt like for the first time the love yourself

414
00:28:21.140 --> 00:28:22.140
and

415
00:28:22.140 --> 00:28:26.520
that really took me some time to process through because I really had a

416
00:28:27.920 --> 00:28:29.480
deeply fragmented heart and

417
00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:32.840
To say

418
00:28:32.840 --> 00:28:37.320
Self-criticism and self-hatred was rampant in my mind

419
00:28:37.640 --> 00:28:39.060
Towards myself

420
00:28:39.180 --> 00:28:41.440
But I would try to

421
00:28:41.460 --> 00:28:48.200
Be kind and show love to other people, but we can't give to other people what we don't have ourselves

422
00:28:48.480 --> 00:28:54.520
and I wasn't truly walking in the confidence and the assurance and the faith of

423
00:28:55.420 --> 00:29:00.300
The love that God has for me to allow that to flow out freely

424
00:29:00.580 --> 00:29:02.880
to other people and so

425
00:29:05.100 --> 00:29:10.980
Honestly ladies the conversations that I would have with myself and the things that I would say to my own self in my head

426
00:29:11.180 --> 00:29:14.600
I would never say to anybody else

427
00:29:14.960 --> 00:29:17.740
Never I wouldn't speak those things over anybody

428
00:29:17.740 --> 00:29:22.820
but I was okay speaking them over myself because I didn't even realize it and

429
00:29:22.820 --> 00:29:26.780
So when I was going through my heart work it brought up

430
00:29:26.780 --> 00:29:32.820
If that came to the surface for me almost immediately and it hit I have been in process

431
00:29:33.380 --> 00:29:39.500
Since then and am in a much what is it that Joyce Meyer says I may not be where I want to be

432
00:29:39.500 --> 00:29:41.420
But thank God, I'm not where I used to be

433
00:29:43.020 --> 00:29:43.560
and

434
00:29:43.700 --> 00:29:49.400
that that rings true in this situation because I'm able to recognize it now and

435
00:29:49.400 --> 00:29:54.340
Step out of agreement when those thoughts come up or when I start saying things to myself

436
00:29:54.480 --> 00:29:59.580
That really I wouldn't say to anybody else. So why am I speaking them over myself?

437
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.180
When God, I'm a creation of God,

438
00:30:02.280 --> 00:30:03.920
I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.

439
00:30:04.080 --> 00:30:05.280
I'm a daughter of the King.

440
00:30:05.540 --> 00:30:07.780
He has given me gifts and talents.

441
00:30:08.160 --> 00:30:10.000
I truly believe all of that.

442
00:30:10.460 --> 00:30:13.940
And so those things that I was speaking over my own self,

443
00:30:15.840 --> 00:30:18.820
now I come in alignment with what God says about me

444
00:30:18.820 --> 00:30:21.120
and it has shifted my mindset

445
00:30:22.220 --> 00:30:24.780
and enabled me to really truly,

446
00:30:25.240 --> 00:30:28.060
I mean, it's what enables me to be here in the group.

447
00:30:28.060 --> 00:30:30.840
And I hear your posts and your struggles

448
00:30:30.840 --> 00:30:32.080
and the things that you're sharing

449
00:30:32.140 --> 00:30:34.920
with kindness and compassion and grace

450
00:30:34.920 --> 00:30:38.160
because I've been there or I experience it.

451
00:30:38.160 --> 00:30:42.060
And I know what God can do in all of our hearts

452
00:30:42.360 --> 00:30:45.420
when we're in alignment with what he has to say

453
00:30:45.420 --> 00:30:48.660
because that has proven true in my own life,

454
00:30:48.680 --> 00:30:50.760
especially in that particular area.

455
00:30:52.360 --> 00:30:57.260
So that's my wisdom from the net.

456
00:30:57.900 --> 00:30:59.340
Life experience.

457
00:31:00.080 --> 00:31:00.980
I love that.

458
00:31:01.240 --> 00:31:02.260
It made me think about,

459
00:31:02.580 --> 00:31:04.460
I don't know if y'all have ever seen the movie, The Help.

460
00:31:05.180 --> 00:31:07.000
That movie just blessed my heart

461
00:31:07.000 --> 00:31:10.760
to seeing all the whole thing just in general.

462
00:31:10.940 --> 00:31:12.800
But the part that I wanna share tonight

463
00:31:12.800 --> 00:31:15.660
that came up in my spirit as you were talking in that,

464
00:31:16.720 --> 00:31:19.200
it's literally my favorite scene in the whole movie.

465
00:31:19.500 --> 00:31:22.180
And it's when the main character in the movie

466
00:31:23.080 --> 00:31:25.840
is caring for one of the little children

467
00:31:25.840 --> 00:31:27.440
and she's in the bedroom

468
00:31:27.480 --> 00:31:29.960
and having the little girl repeat after her.

469
00:31:30.120 --> 00:31:36.580
And she says, you is kind, you is smart, you is important.

470
00:31:36.620 --> 00:31:39.540
And it's the cutest scene ever, but this is the thing.

471
00:31:39.960 --> 00:31:41.940
The reason it impacted me the most

472
00:31:41.940 --> 00:31:44.600
is I was just thinking, here is this woman

473
00:31:45.380 --> 00:31:48.280
planting these powerful seeds in this little girl

474
00:31:49.380 --> 00:31:51.540
that could change their trajectory.

475
00:31:51.760 --> 00:31:54.200
And it was one of those moments where I'm like,

476
00:31:54.200 --> 00:31:56.880
I could just imagine that being me.

477
00:31:58.000 --> 00:31:58.880
That makes sense.

478
00:31:59.600 --> 00:32:02.780
And so I want you to be thinking about even in that regard,

479
00:32:02.920 --> 00:32:06.340
not only who are the people that spoke negatively over you,

480
00:32:06.400 --> 00:32:08.340
but I feel the Lord kind of prompting me

481
00:32:08.340 --> 00:32:10.040
to get you all to also think about

482
00:32:10.280 --> 00:32:12.680
some of the people that have spoken positively

483
00:32:12.680 --> 00:32:13.420
over your life.

484
00:32:13.460 --> 00:32:16.040
I think that we need to also do that this week

485
00:32:16.880 --> 00:32:18.700
because sometimes it can get really tough

486
00:32:18.700 --> 00:32:20.220
when you think on all the negative things.

487
00:32:20.220 --> 00:32:22.440
So I always like to bring balance there as well.

488
00:32:23.940 --> 00:32:26.620
But that scene came to my mind

489
00:32:26.620 --> 00:32:29.180
and that little girl and the tapes and the things.

490
00:32:29.960 --> 00:32:32.100
And when I saw that movie for the first time,

491
00:32:33.180 --> 00:32:35.760
literally you all, it impacted me so much

492
00:32:35.760 --> 00:32:38.280
that I made signs and I put them up in my girls,

493
00:32:38.800 --> 00:32:40.300
my spiritual daughters bathrooms.

494
00:32:40.300 --> 00:32:42.880
And I used to say that to them all the time.

495
00:32:42.880 --> 00:32:45.380
And I still will text it to them from time to time

496
00:32:45.380 --> 00:32:46.820
or send them that movie scene

497
00:32:47.800 --> 00:32:49.960
because I think we all need to remember

498
00:32:49.960 --> 00:32:52.700
those simple kind of words like that,

499
00:32:53.640 --> 00:32:57.680
that you're kind, that you're smart, that you're important.

500
00:32:58.280 --> 00:32:59.460
Your dreams matter.

501
00:33:00.200 --> 00:33:03.100
Like God cares about the things that you care about.

502
00:33:03.880 --> 00:33:07.220
And even when the enemy comes in like a flood

503
00:33:07.220 --> 00:33:09.840
that God wants to and is raising up

504
00:33:09.840 --> 00:33:11.020
that standard against him.

505
00:33:11.020 --> 00:33:13.140
We're gonna go ahead and talk a little bit about vows

506
00:33:13.140 --> 00:33:14.440
before I get you guys ready

507
00:33:14.440 --> 00:33:16.060
for the breakout session tonight,

508
00:33:17.460 --> 00:33:19.020
specifically inner vows.

509
00:33:19.020 --> 00:33:21.460
So not the vows when you go to the altar,

510
00:33:21.740 --> 00:33:22.860
we're not talking about that tonight.

511
00:33:22.940 --> 00:33:24.540
We're gonna talk about inner vows.

512
00:33:25.520 --> 00:33:29.300
Those are a determination set in our mind

513
00:33:29.300 --> 00:33:32.460
and our heart to protect us from pain.

514
00:33:33.420 --> 00:33:36.440
It's basically something subconsciously

515
00:33:36.440 --> 00:33:40.480
that we have done typically a determination

516
00:33:40.920 --> 00:33:44.720
set in our mind and heart to protect us from pain.

517
00:33:45.920 --> 00:33:48.260
Most often when we go through trauma

518
00:33:48.260 --> 00:33:49.800
or difficult situations,

519
00:33:49.800 --> 00:33:53.440
there are vows that we make on the inside.

520
00:33:53.800 --> 00:33:55.300
And I'm gonna go through some of those here

521
00:33:55.300 --> 00:33:59.640
in a little bit, but those show up later in our lives.

522
00:33:59.740 --> 00:34:04.460
And sometimes we are stuck currently without knowing it

523
00:34:04.460 --> 00:34:06.720
because we made a vow in the past

524
00:34:06.720 --> 00:34:08.400
and that thing right now is hidden.

525
00:34:08.860 --> 00:34:10.900
And so Romans 12, two says,

526
00:34:11.100 --> 00:34:13.000
do not conform to the pattern of this world,

527
00:34:13.000 --> 00:34:16.840
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

528
00:34:17.280 --> 00:34:19.199
Remember your mind and your heart are connected.

529
00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:22.540
Then you will be able to test what God's will is,

530
00:34:22.600 --> 00:34:25.780
his good, pleasing and perfect will.

531
00:34:25.920 --> 00:34:28.199
Yeah, I want you to understand a lot of times

532
00:34:28.199 --> 00:34:30.679
this just that reminder that we don't believe

533
00:34:30.679 --> 00:34:32.159
that God is a good father

534
00:34:32.739 --> 00:34:36.460
because so often we need our mind and our heart

535
00:34:36.639 --> 00:34:38.260
renewed and transformed.

536
00:34:39.000 --> 00:34:42.080
This is not about behavior modification, ladies.

537
00:34:42.080 --> 00:34:46.020
It's about literally shifting our heart's healing

538
00:34:46.020 --> 00:34:49.760
on the inside and that that is what is causing

539
00:34:50.300 --> 00:34:55.020
the changed long-term like behaviors

540
00:34:55.020 --> 00:34:56.340
in the ways that we're living.

541
00:34:57.020 --> 00:34:59.400
Okay, so we're not trying to just be good.

542
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.520
Okay, everyone understand? All right, I'm going to keep going.

543
00:35:04.900 --> 00:35:10.940
The soil in our hearts is super important. So this is from I believe chapter eight. Yep,

544
00:35:11.380 --> 00:35:14.920
thriving, not surviving. That's the name of the chapter. It's okay, if you're brand new,

545
00:35:14.920 --> 00:35:19.820
and you're not in that chapter yet, you can just hear what we're saying tonight and absorb it.

546
00:35:19.820 --> 00:35:23.980
And it will help you even maybe process that a little bit more when you get to that point.

547
00:35:24.240 --> 00:35:28.540
But I want to read this to you. This is about inner vowels. And this is what it says. But

548
00:35:28.540 --> 00:35:33.060
even though you won't be able to replace the actual events that happened in our lives,

549
00:35:33.100 --> 00:35:37.320
so we can't go back and change anything. We can't change things we did, we can't change

550
00:35:37.320 --> 00:35:42.920
things people did to us. But we can replace the lies we believed. And most importantly,

551
00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:49.020
the vows that we made as a result of those things. When we experience these hurts in life,

552
00:35:49.080 --> 00:35:56.300
they make us sad. And when we're sad, that's when anger shows up. Think about it this way,

553
00:35:56.300 --> 00:36:03.400
you think of kind of like a, like a tower of emotions, sadness is underneath, always. Okay.

554
00:36:03.680 --> 00:36:08.760
And then you have anger or frustration, flip those sometimes people feel frustration before

555
00:36:08.760 --> 00:36:14.940
they feel anger, rage is all the way at the top. Okay. So if you're feeling any kind of rage,

556
00:36:15.480 --> 00:36:21.980
anger, frustration, underneath that surface, somewhere is sadness. So we want to get to the

557
00:36:22.200 --> 00:36:28.800
what, where is the sadness? When, when was I hurt? When did I experience brokenness? Okay,

558
00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:35.440
remember that as I keep going, anger is always the defender. And some of you all when you get to

559
00:36:35.440 --> 00:36:41.560
some of those final weeks, we have that self preservation techniques, sheet avoidance came

560
00:36:41.560 --> 00:36:47.420
up this afternoon. avoidance is something that we can do as a self protection mechanism as well.

561
00:36:47.980 --> 00:36:52.760
All right. So anger is always the defender, it always shows up when those wounded, vulnerable

562
00:36:52.760 --> 00:36:59.200
parts of our heart feel threatened. So that is when we tend to make vows. When anger is around,

563
00:36:59.320 --> 00:37:03.720
we feel strong. And we start to make these inner vows, nobody's ever going to hurt me again.

564
00:37:03.860 --> 00:37:09.560
I don't care about anybody. I can't trust anybody. I will never turn out like my mother or father.

565
00:37:09.800 --> 00:37:16.020
I won't be made a fool anymore. Nobody is ever going to tell me what to do. I can't tell anybody

566
00:37:16.020 --> 00:37:22.900
about this. I will be perfect from now on so that nobody can reject me. We make a decision

567
00:37:22.900 --> 00:37:28.000
to harden our hearts and it makes sense at that moment. We think if we make these vows and build

568
00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:32.780
these walls around our hearts, we can keep all of the bad things out. But unfortunately,

569
00:37:33.020 --> 00:37:36.920
walls are good at keeping things out but they are not good at letting things in.

570
00:37:37.540 --> 00:37:43.920
And to stop surviving and start thriving, we're going to have to let a lot of things

571
00:37:43.920 --> 00:37:50.340
into our hearts, ladies. As the lies and their corresponding vows are emerging,

572
00:37:50.560 --> 00:37:57.800
we have to replace them with the greater truth of God's Word. Okay, we have to replace these

573
00:37:57.800 --> 00:38:02.880
vows and these lies we've been believing with the greater truth of God's Word. I'm going to give you

574
00:38:02.880 --> 00:38:07.460
a couple more inner vows. These are things I thought of as well. In addition to that,

575
00:38:07.460 --> 00:38:14.300
it might sound something like, I'll never date or marry a Larry again. Maybe it's not Larry for you.

576
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:19.420
Maybe it's John. Maybe it's Andrew. I don't know what the name might be. Maybe it's I'll never

577
00:38:19.420 --> 00:38:25.500
date or marry a man with a certain ethnicity. Maybe I'll never date or marry a man with a

578
00:38:25.500 --> 00:38:35.240
certain type of job or I'm never going to let my guard down ever again. Do you ever make statements

579
00:38:35.240 --> 00:38:41.440
like that, ladies? I want you to be asking the Lord to reveal to you if there's any inner vows

580
00:38:41.440 --> 00:38:45.460
that you've made. And maybe your inner vow sounds different than the ones I've already read tonight.

581
00:38:46.740 --> 00:38:51.780
Here are some other things. Do you ever make statements with words that include always,

582
00:38:54.220 --> 00:39:01.760
never, nobody ever picks me? I'm going to go into some of these. Always or never, they always do

583
00:39:01.760 --> 00:39:10.300
that. Maybe somebody always leaves you out. Maybe somebody always is quiet when you come into the

584
00:39:10.300 --> 00:39:16.440
room. We got to look at where's that coming from. I always get passed over. Men never come through

585
00:39:16.440 --> 00:39:24.900
for me. Men never pick me. Men never pick heavier women or thin women. Pick it, you know, because

586
00:39:24.900 --> 00:39:29.900
it's not just women that are heavier set that think these things. Some of our very skinny women

587
00:39:29.900 --> 00:39:33.980
think that they're never going to get picked because they're too skinny. Y'all, it's the enemy

588
00:39:33.980 --> 00:39:40.580
just is so busy, busy, busy trying to get us to believe whatever lie that he's selling us today.

589
00:39:41.040 --> 00:39:47.680
I'm never seen or I'm never noticed. My voice doesn't ever matter.

590
00:39:48.980 --> 00:39:56.300
Okay, the always and never statements are signals that we have inner vows at work.

591
00:39:57.500 --> 00:39:59.980
So if you're not sure what your inner vow is,

592
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.220
Might have been or might be I want you to start with where are you making statements?

593
00:40:06.760 --> 00:40:08.740
with always or never

594
00:40:11.720 --> 00:40:15.800
Maybe yours is this is never really gonna happen for me

595
00:40:20.520 --> 00:40:22.760
And I know there's people that have said that

596
00:40:25.200 --> 00:40:28.580
But I want to encourage you to come out of agreement and alignment with that tonight

597
00:40:28.580 --> 00:40:30.780
So I'm gonna get you ready for your breakout session

598
00:40:31.480 --> 00:40:36.360
Your question tonight. You can answer either one. Okay, because we're talking about

599
00:40:37.020 --> 00:40:39.860
I'm sorry, I gotta find my question. We're talking about

600
00:40:40.460 --> 00:40:43.660
These negative roots and the fruits that show up in our lives

601
00:40:43.660 --> 00:40:49.400
We're talking about that tonight and we're also talking about inner vowel so you can talk about either one of those

602
00:40:49.400 --> 00:40:53.600
Do you have an inner vowel that's coming up in your spirit that God's revealing to you tonight?

603
00:40:53.600 --> 00:40:59.460
Do you have unhealthy negative roots that are just creating this really unhealthy fruit in your life

604
00:40:59.460 --> 00:41:05.260
And is that what you want to talk about? So the choice is yours tonight ladies. You can talk about whichever one you want

605
00:41:05.260 --> 00:41:05.900
All right

606
00:41:06.340 --> 00:41:08.360
Let me get these ready

607
00:41:17.620 --> 00:41:18.620
All right

608
00:41:20.180 --> 00:41:22.300
I'm gonna give you seven minutes

609
00:41:23.900 --> 00:41:52.400
Go ahead and click to join those

610
00:42:01.740 --> 00:42:02.300
You

611
00:42:03.640 --> 00:42:08.160
Give me one minute ladies have someone I'm gonna bump them around

612
00:42:12.020 --> 00:42:17.500
All right, father we just thank you so much for what you're doing even right now in the breakout rooms

613
00:42:17.500 --> 00:42:22.900
Thank you for revealing for healing that are happening. Thank you for helping ladies get connected

614
00:42:22.900 --> 00:42:27.160
We thank you God for truth and hope and life

615
00:42:27.620 --> 00:42:32.400
Coming into every area God. We thank you for just bringing

616
00:42:33.460 --> 00:42:34.660
hope and

617
00:42:34.920 --> 00:42:38.740
Grace in the midst of the hardest places of our hearts God

618
00:42:38.740 --> 00:42:45.580
we thank you that you would just kind of till those areas tonight and help us to come into greater revelation and freedom and

619
00:42:46.760 --> 00:42:52.740
Insight we thank you God for helping us to see what we can't see if there's inner vows

620
00:42:52.900 --> 00:42:54.940
Calandra, did you get kicked out?

621
00:42:56.000 --> 00:43:00.120
Are you oh, no one's in your room. Do you want to go into a room?

622
00:43:00.180 --> 00:43:02.660
Are you just okay because I know you were in the afternoon session

623
00:43:04.900 --> 00:43:06.140
Okay, all right

624
00:43:06.140 --> 00:43:10.280
So father we just thank you that you would come in and just bring

625
00:43:10.820 --> 00:43:14.780
revelation to the areas of brokenness of the past where we've created these

626
00:43:15.200 --> 00:43:21.440
These vows and we partnered with these lies that keep us bound and stuck in ways that we can't even comprehend

627
00:43:21.440 --> 00:43:26.620
But Lord, you know at all, you know our beginning from all the way to where we are

628
00:43:26.620 --> 00:43:32.960
You know everything in between and I thank you Lord that you would just come in and continue to reveal these areas for healing

629
00:43:33.260 --> 00:43:35.300
that you would bring just

630
00:43:36.220 --> 00:43:43.000
Lord that you cause things just to bubble up to the surface and that your your truth and your enlightenment will

631
00:43:43.860 --> 00:43:46.560
yes, Lord that they would just come and

632
00:43:47.700 --> 00:43:53.880
Bring freedom and truth to the hearts and the minds of those as they remember them as they believe them God

633
00:43:53.880 --> 00:43:58.960
We thank you that you would just areas where women have felt stuck for a long time

634
00:43:58.960 --> 00:44:03.520
God that you would just connect dots really quickly that it would be like a

635
00:44:04.100 --> 00:44:09.820
supernatural acceleration of healing and breakthrough we thank you that even in

636
00:44:09.920 --> 00:44:19.220
Revelation 12 9 through 11, it says then I heard a triumphant voice in heaven proclaiming now power and salvation are set in place in the

637
00:44:19.220 --> 00:44:23.400
kingdom reign of our God and the ruling authority of his anointed one are

638
00:44:23.400 --> 00:44:29.520
Established for the accuser of our brothers and sisters who relentlessly accused them day and night before our God

639
00:44:29.580 --> 00:44:36.360
Has now been defeated cast out once and for all we thank you God that you are for once and for all

640
00:44:36.360 --> 00:44:41.640
Defeating the enemy in our lives that we are no longer going to be captive or

641
00:44:42.580 --> 00:44:46.340
Slaves to the weights of these unhealthy heart past heart postures

642
00:44:46.820 --> 00:44:49.320
mindsets belief systems the negative

643
00:44:49.760 --> 00:44:52.700
You know lies that the enemy is just trying to say

644
00:44:52.700 --> 00:44:52.940
Hey

645
00:44:52.940 --> 00:44:59.560
Come take this bait and come come feel like and believe that you've got to compare yourself to other people that you're never gonna measure

646
00:44:59.560 --> 00:44:59.980
up

647
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.780
That you're never going to be enough and God is saying you are enough because I make you enough

648
00:45:04.800 --> 00:45:10.360
Allow yourself to become more rooted and grounded in the love of the father in my heart for you

649
00:45:10.360 --> 00:45:14.820
And as you get to know my love more and more and more i'm gonna

650
00:45:14.960 --> 00:45:21.460
Cause these areas in your life to flourish in ways that you could never ask think or imagine and God is lovingly

651
00:45:22.840 --> 00:45:27.200
Calling us into abundance in and hope in joy

652
00:45:27.200 --> 00:45:33.380
Psalm 147 3 through 4 in the passion translation says he heals the wounds of every shattered heart

653
00:45:33.400 --> 00:45:36.560
He sets his stars in place calling them all

654
00:45:37.300 --> 00:45:38.160
by their names

655
00:45:38.680 --> 00:45:43.860
I love this scripture because it always reminds me of the truth that if god

656
00:45:44.020 --> 00:45:49.020
Cares about naming every star about setting them all in place

657
00:45:49.560 --> 00:45:52.100
How could he not care about me?

658
00:45:52.100 --> 00:45:54.180
How could he not care about you

659
00:45:54.200 --> 00:46:01.740
He cares. He's like such an intentional god that he literally positioned all the things where they are

660
00:46:01.740 --> 00:46:03.660
And he gave them a name

661
00:46:03.660 --> 00:46:07.620
He could have just literally just called them stars or he could have called them nothing at all

662
00:46:08.180 --> 00:46:11.420
A little twinkle up there, you know, like he literally

663
00:46:11.740 --> 00:46:12.880
called things

664
00:46:13.260 --> 00:46:17.280
their names and and even gave us a name and

665
00:46:17.280 --> 00:46:24.680
So many times we don't even fully understand or comprehend his goodness towards us and so tonight let it be a reminder

666
00:46:25.240 --> 00:46:26.360
that he

667
00:46:26.580 --> 00:46:31.640
Loves us that he's working in the little things. He's working in the big things and everything in between

668
00:46:31.820 --> 00:46:33.980
and that he's he's literally

669
00:46:35.020 --> 00:46:40.720
Um calling us further into the fullness of his plans and promises for us every single day

670
00:46:40.720 --> 00:46:44.480
Ephesians 3 20 through 21 in the passion translation says this

671
00:46:45.020 --> 00:46:48.160
Never doubt god's mighty power to work in you

672
00:46:48.980 --> 00:46:51.060
And accomplish all this

673
00:46:51.060 --> 00:46:55.660
He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request

674
00:46:55.660 --> 00:47:00.500
Your most unbelievable dream and exceed your wildest imagination

675
00:47:01.040 --> 00:47:06.280
He will outdo them all for his miraculous power constantly

676
00:47:07.100 --> 00:47:08.160
energizes you

677
00:47:09.120 --> 00:47:12.560
Don't you love that he will achieve infinitely more

678
00:47:12.680 --> 00:47:16.440
Than your greatest request and so many times people are like well

679
00:47:16.440 --> 00:47:20.300
I've asked god for things for a long time and he's not coming through for me

680
00:47:20.300 --> 00:47:21.740
well, maybe it's because

681
00:47:22.160 --> 00:47:28.360
A what we're asking for actually will harm us you all I I begged and I pleaded for that prior relationship

682
00:47:28.360 --> 00:47:31.520
I thought I wanted to marry that guy you all I did

683
00:47:32.220 --> 00:47:38.340
Praise god god loved me enough to keep that guy from me and he never asked me to marry him

684
00:47:38.980 --> 00:47:40.700
Because it would have been a disaster

685
00:47:41.180 --> 00:47:44.140
Literally y'all there's no way I would have been happy in that

686
00:47:44.700 --> 00:47:47.660
He cheated on me over and over and over and over and over again

687
00:47:47.760 --> 00:47:54.320
And yeah, if that was happening in my dating relationship, it was gonna happen in the marriage

688
00:47:54.320 --> 00:47:55.940
And so god loved me enough

689
00:47:55.940 --> 00:48:03.200
He protected me and led me into a wide open space you all with a beautiful brian waiting for me

690
00:48:03.200 --> 00:48:09.860
And so I just love thinking about that like god loved me so much that he prepared brian for me

691
00:48:10.220 --> 00:48:13.140
And god is preparing your spirit mate for you

692
00:48:13.140 --> 00:48:18.760
As well romans 8 30 through 32 says having determined our destiny ahead of time

693
00:48:18.760 --> 00:48:23.320
He called us to himself and transferred his perfect righteousness to everyone

694
00:48:23.320 --> 00:48:28.100
He called and those who possess his perfect righteousness. He

695
00:48:28.100 --> 00:48:32.380
Co-glorified with his son. I gotta let let these all come back

696
00:48:32.720 --> 00:48:37.320
So what does all this mean if god has determined to stand with us tell me

697
00:48:38.060 --> 00:48:44.600
Who then can ever stand against us for god has proved his love by giving us his greatest treasure

698
00:48:44.740 --> 00:48:51.500
The gift of his son and since god freely offered him up as the sacrifice for us all

699
00:48:51.500 --> 00:48:56.560
He certainly won't withhold from us anything else he has to give

700
00:48:58.240 --> 00:49:06.280
So does that sound like a god that's a trickster that withholds blessings from us he gave us his son

701
00:49:07.820 --> 00:49:09.980
He won't withhold from us ladies

702
00:49:10.200 --> 00:49:15.220
He won't withhold his good things. Okay. I think I have everyone back. Welcome back

703
00:49:15.220 --> 00:49:18.320
I'm going to go over the activations for this week really quickly

704
00:49:18.320 --> 00:49:24.680
And then i'm going to go ahead and come to you for our group coaching time and so activation number one

705
00:49:25.460 --> 00:49:31.600
I want to encourage you all to track your thoughts this week. Okay, so I want you to be paying attention to

706
00:49:32.300 --> 00:49:35.240
Your thoughts how many negative thoughts are you having?

707
00:49:35.860 --> 00:49:37.740
How many positive thoughts are you having?

708
00:49:38.160 --> 00:49:44.680
What you know how many times have you not caught your thought and it's taking you down the road for a mile or two?

709
00:49:44.780 --> 00:49:45.920
or three or four

710
00:49:46.480 --> 00:49:49.120
Maybe 20 miles y'all if you're like me

711
00:49:49.460 --> 00:49:54.560
Sometimes i'm all the way down the road and i'm like, whoa, wait a minute. Wait a minute. That isn't

712
00:49:54.560 --> 00:49:59.600
That isn't the lord. That isn't god's truth for me. How did I get all the way over here? Oh

713
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.280
It started with that initial thought and then I believed that lie and I went with that for a little while

714
00:50:06.440 --> 00:50:14.080
So, you know that you're not alone and that God wants to help you the Bible says he it encourages us to take every thought captive

715
00:50:14.460 --> 00:50:20.560
every thought captive ladies and make it obedient to Jesus Christ and according to the word of truth and

716
00:50:22.440 --> 00:50:28.620
Lord I like to add in quickly Lord help me to quickly take those thoughts captive and make them obedient to your truth

717
00:50:28.620 --> 00:50:34.280
But we have to know the truth in order to make our thoughts obedient to the truth, right?

718
00:50:34.840 --> 00:50:42.300
So if you want to know the truth read scripture read some scriptures. Jesus's words are full of truth in life

719
00:50:43.280 --> 00:50:47.600
Activation number two. I like to call it roots and fruits roots and fruits

720
00:50:47.600 --> 00:50:54.780
So I want to encourage you to do this drawing remember I always love to remind you all you don't have to be artist

721
00:50:55.340 --> 00:50:57.340
It literally can be super simple

722
00:50:57.900 --> 00:51:01.540
The goal is to get it on to the paper

723
00:51:02.160 --> 00:51:02.600
Okay

724
00:51:03.360 --> 00:51:07.560
That's the goal. The goal is to get your roots and your fruits onto the paper

725
00:51:07.700 --> 00:51:10.640
Every single one of us has unhealthy roots

726
00:51:11.140 --> 00:51:17.140
Unhealthy fruit good roots and good fruit. Some of you have some really good things happen in your life right now

727
00:51:17.440 --> 00:51:20.820
We want to know about those two, but I'm gonna show you some examples again

728
00:51:20.820 --> 00:51:25.720
You don't have to do yours like this, but I just do this to help you all. Can you all see my screen there?

729
00:51:25.720 --> 00:51:30.240
Yeah, all right awesome, okay, this one's an example here of a lady

730
00:51:30.520 --> 00:51:33.440
Um, she worked on the fruits or excuse me the roots

731
00:51:33.760 --> 00:51:40.100
Um, and she identified good roots and and unhealthy roots and then also some root wounds

732
00:51:40.700 --> 00:51:45.520
Um, she didn't go into all of the fruits, but that's okay again. This is for you

733
00:51:45.520 --> 00:51:51.600
It's for you to whatever you feel comfortable doing or feel led. But again, these are just ideas. Here's another one

734
00:51:52.120 --> 00:51:58.280
One of the things that she did is she identified on the tree trunk areas what the unhealthy

735
00:51:59.260 --> 00:52:06.280
Roots were and then she on some of them if you can see on the far left the fear of rejection

736
00:52:06.280 --> 00:52:13.080
She has lies that she was believing connected to the fear of rejection a couple of them

737
00:52:13.080 --> 00:52:16.260
I can't read them all but you are inconvenient

738
00:52:17.080 --> 00:52:19.220
Hide out behind the scenes

739
00:52:19.220 --> 00:52:23.760
So basically she was believing the lie that she just that's who she is

740
00:52:23.760 --> 00:52:29.580
I just hide out behind the scenes and I I don't like to be seen and all these kind of things and that wasn't true

741
00:52:29.580 --> 00:52:32.760
And God was calling her out of that. Okay, I'm gonna keep going

742
00:52:32.760 --> 00:52:40.340
This lady was is a teacher if you can't tell I love this. This was her personality coming out here. Very descriptive a

743
00:52:40.920 --> 00:52:46.340
Presentation board, but she has childhood perfectionism childhood abandonment childhood rejection

744
00:52:46.340 --> 00:52:52.900
Those are three big areas and then that led up into adult perfectionism abandonment and rejection

745
00:52:52.900 --> 00:53:00.340
But then she also has the lies connected to those. Okay ladies again, these are just things but she also put in there on their truth

746
00:53:00.340 --> 00:53:05.140
I love this. I will find my husband. I am worthy. I deserve God's best

747
00:53:05.140 --> 00:53:12.100
Again make this your own pray and let the Holy Spirit lead you some of this ladies these activations

748
00:53:12.100 --> 00:53:16.080
It's about you growing in your ability to trust

749
00:53:16.340 --> 00:53:19.220
That God is leading you. Okay. Here's another one

750
00:53:20.160 --> 00:53:24.280
Super simple super beautiful. I love this. She has the negative

751
00:53:24.920 --> 00:53:30.940
roots and fruit and the positive roots and fruit and the ones that are positive roots and fruit have the

752
00:53:31.110 --> 00:53:35.810
Leaves in the color growing on them the ones that aren't don't have that again

753
00:53:36.450 --> 00:53:41.350
Super simple, but beautiful and perfect you guys can do it that way if you want you can do it on a computer

754
00:53:41.350 --> 00:53:42.430
Here's an example

755
00:53:43.330 --> 00:53:47.690
Great another great one. These are all awesome. Here's another one on a computer

756
00:53:48.570 --> 00:53:53.470
She didn't label all of her roots. She just put the the things on up at the top again

757
00:53:53.470 --> 00:53:56.650
You guys can just do whatever you want. This lady is more creative

758
00:53:56.650 --> 00:53:59.630
And so on the far left side left side

759
00:53:59.630 --> 00:54:03.930
She did it all kind of in black or the like the dark browns

760
00:54:03.930 --> 00:54:11.650
Those are the unhealthy roots and fruit and then the ones that are yellow in orange are the healthy and then she put in there

761
00:54:11.650 --> 00:54:19.570
The Holy Spirit because the Holy Spirit's working in those. Okay. So again do whatever you feel led to do. The goal is to

762
00:54:19.870 --> 00:54:21.630
take quick action

763
00:54:21.630 --> 00:54:29.130
Take quick action on the activation and when you're finished with it to post it into the group and share that with us

764
00:54:29.130 --> 00:54:33.950
We would love to see it. All right, I'm gonna go come over to Alice first Alice

765
00:54:33.950 --> 00:54:35.950
I would love to hear what you have to say tonight

766
00:54:42.890 --> 00:54:46.070
Hi, how are you good so

767
00:54:46.070 --> 00:54:52.250
Mm-hmm. This is something that I guess I have been struggling with for a while and

768
00:54:53.150 --> 00:54:55.350
I was telling the girls that is

769
00:54:56.290 --> 00:54:59.230
I'm not exactly sure if this is just

770
00:54:59.350 --> 00:54:59.970
things

771
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:11.920
that people said over me or it's also my own projection, but I'm having a hard time currently

772
00:55:13.760 --> 00:55:22.120
doing things and there are these words that keep floating in to my head that

773
00:55:23.500 --> 00:55:32.280
I can't do. I keep failing because I was a failure in the past.

774
00:55:34.480 --> 00:55:48.420
So I never finished a university degree. I did four years of conservatory as a

775
00:55:48.420 --> 00:55:55.920
pianist. I did one year of medical school. I did one year of psychology over the internet

776
00:55:55.920 --> 00:56:07.040
and when I came to the United States, I got a radiology technician certificate and

777
00:56:07.040 --> 00:56:16.880
a paralegal one, but I never actually finished my education and it's still a big

778
00:56:17.760 --> 00:56:26.300
big problem. I mean, I'm close to 50 and my mother still talks about it and you guys

779
00:56:26.300 --> 00:56:35.680
already know that I'm staying calm with the non-patients, but God has been

780
00:56:35.680 --> 00:56:42.880
working. I see him working. I mean, he provided financially for me in an absolutely fantastic way

781
00:56:42.880 --> 00:56:49.640
and I know that you guys prayed for me for that. I see him working in me and then somehow,

782
00:56:50.640 --> 00:56:57.120
even though I keep telling myself that I am his daughter, that I am precious, that I am made whole,

783
00:56:57.780 --> 00:57:06.560
I still find myself so fatigued, so exhausted and not able to feel like I

784
00:57:08.640 --> 00:57:15.160
become successful, you know? So Alice, thank you for sharing that. When is the first time

785
00:57:15.160 --> 00:57:20.980
that you didn't finish something? Like, could be even when you were little. When's the first time

786
00:57:20.980 --> 00:57:22.100
you didn't finish something?

787
00:57:31.540 --> 00:57:40.760
Well, I mean, so because I was playing the piano even when I was a kid,

788
00:57:41.700 --> 00:57:50.200
I guess I never finished playing the piano in church. There was the pastor's brother

789
00:57:50.200 --> 00:57:56.900
was the guy that was playing the piano and he was gone for like a week or two because he was

790
00:57:56.900 --> 00:58:02.780
either on vacation or something. I don't know. He wasn't there. So they asked me and I played and it

791
00:58:02.780 --> 00:58:11.800
made me so happy to do that for God and then he came back and I mean, the way he looked at me

792
00:58:11.800 --> 00:58:18.140
kind of like, I'm going to kill you if you ever play again. You're not going to come

793
00:58:18.140 --> 00:58:24.520
take this away from me. So that was, I've never played piano in church ever again.

794
00:58:25.180 --> 00:58:32.840
I mean, that was just, that was done, you know? So are you saying that you didn't play again

795
00:58:32.840 --> 00:58:38.380
because you were afraid of getting hurt? I mean, I don't think that he would have,

796
00:58:39.180 --> 00:58:46.340
you know, physically hurt me, but I've never felt at home in that church and it was,

797
00:58:47.280 --> 00:58:53.420
you know, it was a Baptist church. It was under communism. I mean, we were all persecuted, right?

798
00:58:55.280 --> 00:59:07.400
But it just, I got to know God not through that church. It was me and him, you know, and

799
00:59:07.620 --> 00:59:14.600
and my grandparents. So did you want to keep playing and you chose not to because of that?

800
00:59:14.600 --> 00:59:23.300
I didn't have room to do that. I mean, it was, it was made very clear that I wasn't welcome,

801
00:59:23.760 --> 00:59:28.520
you know? Okay. Have you ever forgiven that man or those people? Yes, I did. Oh, I went through

802
00:59:28.520 --> 00:59:35.560
my list. I did. I did. I went through everyone that I could remember. Yeah, I did. Okay. Awesome.

803
00:59:35.720 --> 00:59:40.240
That's, that's the starting point, number one. But one of the other things I want to encourage,

804
00:59:40.240 --> 00:59:44.160
you know, you or anyone else that struggles with finishing, it's really interesting.

805
00:59:44.820 --> 00:59:49.800
I'm not even kidding this afternoon. I actually spoke this over myself. I am a finisher.

806
00:59:51.780 --> 00:59:55.400
I want you all to really partner with that. I am a finisher.

807
00:59:56.500 --> 00:59:59.980
You know, so often the enemy will try to convince us that it

808
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.620
If we haven't finished something else, that we're definitely not going to be able to finish

809
01:00:03.620 --> 01:00:04.440
another thing.

810
01:00:05.320 --> 01:00:08.940
And then if that pile just keeps growing, the shame keeps growing.

811
01:00:09.920 --> 01:00:16.180
And I think what's happening here is that, you know, part of it is maybe you were just

812
01:00:16.180 --> 01:00:18.080
trying to figure out who you were.

813
01:00:18.620 --> 01:00:24.940
And the shame though, that's kind of coming in and messing with your mind about this stuff

814
01:00:25.500 --> 01:00:29.060
is that, you know, you're just never enough.

815
01:00:29.200 --> 01:00:29.860
You're never finishing.

816
01:00:30.040 --> 01:00:30.660
You're not doing this.

817
01:00:30.780 --> 01:00:31.360
You're not doing that.

818
01:00:31.360 --> 01:00:37.320
But what about that you did start and that God can help, you know, if there's one that

819
01:00:37.320 --> 01:00:43.320
you need to finish that he'll give you the capacity in the endowment of power and enablement

820
01:00:43.560 --> 01:00:44.520
to finish.

821
01:00:45.160 --> 01:00:49.480
But you have like, we have to come out of alignment and agreement with the lie that

822
01:00:49.480 --> 01:00:56.540
we can't or won't finish something and partner with, I can finish.

823
01:00:57.320 --> 01:00:58.120
I am a finisher.

824
01:00:59.280 --> 01:01:05.780
And then choose to take action or a step towards finishing that thing that we feel called or

825
01:01:05.780 --> 01:01:06.460
led to do.

826
01:01:06.740 --> 01:01:12.680
And so my question for you, out of those things that you went to school for, were there any

827
01:01:12.680 --> 01:01:17.900
that you felt like really, or even the piano, because it sounds like you really loved that.

828
01:01:18.900 --> 01:01:27.220
Are there any of those that you can take a step towards this week, just to see what might,

829
01:01:27.540 --> 01:01:32.500
you know, what God might say to you about it or how he might want you to help or to

830
01:01:32.500 --> 01:01:33.480
help you walk that out?

831
01:01:33.480 --> 01:01:38.100
Or is there any of those that you just, man, when you did them, you felt passion, you felt

832
01:01:38.260 --> 01:01:39.920
alive, you felt joy.

833
01:01:42.600 --> 01:01:43.560
I did.

834
01:01:43.560 --> 01:01:55.820
I mean, I, OK, so I interrupted my, my, my piano career because I, I was told that I

835
01:01:55.840 --> 01:01:59.320
had a scholarship here in the United States.

836
01:02:00.020 --> 01:02:03.100
And it was a lie when I came here.

837
01:02:03.340 --> 01:02:06.300
I mean, and this was, again, done through the church.

838
01:02:06.440 --> 01:02:10.660
When I came here, I didn't even have a place to stay.

839
01:02:11.380 --> 01:02:17.860
So I kind of backpacked through the East Coast of the United States, which is absolutely

840
01:02:17.860 --> 01:02:21.800
crazy, if you can even imagine that.

841
01:02:22.660 --> 01:02:30.380
But I ended up actually staying with this Jewish lady, a connection through, you know,

842
01:02:30.840 --> 01:02:34.540
my parents in Atlanta, Georgia.

843
01:02:34.800 --> 01:02:39.780
And I did actually, I went to Georgia State and I auditioned.

844
01:02:39.780 --> 01:02:49.320
And I did get a scholarship, but it was starting the next, like, summer or fall.

845
01:02:50.720 --> 01:02:56.980
And, and I was in, in December, November, December was when I had the audition.

846
01:02:57.520 --> 01:02:59.800
So then I would have had to wait six months.

847
01:02:59.800 --> 01:03:05.940
But when I came here to the United States, I came as a Canadian citizen, so I couldn't

848
01:03:06.220 --> 01:03:07.900
stay over six months.

849
01:03:07.900 --> 01:03:09.760
So then I left, I went to Canada.

850
01:03:10.360 --> 01:03:19.620
Very long story short, I went back to Romania and I started both.

851
01:03:20.300 --> 01:03:27.860
I started going back for piano and I started my, my medical school.

852
01:03:29.460 --> 01:03:37.360
And while I was in Georgia, I applied for the green card to come to the United States.

853
01:03:37.360 --> 01:03:45.660
And I won, but the people that received that mail that I received, that I won the green

854
01:03:45.660 --> 01:03:48.740
card lottery, didn't tell me.

855
01:03:49.920 --> 01:03:58.400
So when they finally told me, I had, I don't know, two months left until I had the

856
01:03:59.280 --> 01:04:01.480
interview at the embassy.

857
01:04:02.200 --> 01:04:08.600
So I, my mom just, sorry.

858
01:04:08.880 --> 01:04:11.000
It's OK, I'm going to have you pause there for a sec.

859
01:04:11.560 --> 01:04:17.580
Have you ever considered, like, giving piano lessons?

860
01:04:19.140 --> 01:04:23.860
I live in the hill country, like really out in the boonies.

861
01:04:24.980 --> 01:04:26.440
OK, do you have a car?

862
01:04:27.480 --> 01:04:28.820
I do, yeah.

863
01:04:28.820 --> 01:04:33.520
OK, so you could travel to where people are that need piano lessons?

864
01:04:35.240 --> 01:04:37.080
Yeah, I never thought about that.

865
01:04:37.760 --> 01:04:42.300
Yeah, I feel like, I feel like maybe part of the thing, and it doesn't mean that you're not

866
01:04:42.300 --> 01:04:47.420
going to have a different career in piano, but I think if that is something that brings

867
01:04:47.420 --> 01:04:53.800
you joy, maybe just shifting the way that you're trying to accomplish it right now is

868
01:04:53.800 --> 01:04:55.300
going to be key for you.

869
01:04:55.300 --> 01:04:59.980
And so, I mean, I have I have literally when we were in our church in Indiana.

870
01:05:01.080 --> 01:05:04.920
The guy there that played, I mean, he had like a grand piano.

871
01:05:05.080 --> 01:05:10.220
I mean, he was amazing, but that was what he did for a part-time job is he gave people

872
01:05:10.220 --> 01:05:11.980
piano lessons and he's fabulous.

873
01:05:12.120 --> 01:05:17.200
And so I want to encourage you to pray into that because I feel like, you know, sometimes

874
01:05:17.200 --> 01:05:23.200
ladies, if the door we're knocking on over and over and over and over isn't working,

875
01:05:23.560 --> 01:05:28.040
it doesn't mean that it won't ever work, but maybe we need to shift the door that we're

876
01:05:28.260 --> 01:05:35.240
knocking on right now and take the other door that might potentially be there to get to

877
01:05:35.240 --> 01:05:38.080
the long-term goal, right?

878
01:05:38.100 --> 01:05:44.300
And so I would just say, you know, as I said earlier, partnering with, I am a finisher,

879
01:05:45.080 --> 01:05:45.620
okay?

880
01:05:45.720 --> 01:05:47.180
You can be a finisher.

881
01:05:47.380 --> 01:05:51.620
And maybe you weren't called to do those other school things, but maybe you were doing that

882
01:05:51.620 --> 01:05:58.120
just as a way to potentially create money or whatever, you know, kind of makes me think

883
01:05:58.120 --> 01:05:59.120
of Abraham and Sarah.

884
01:06:00.560 --> 01:06:04.920
Sometimes ladies, we try to make our own solutions, don't we?

885
01:06:05.580 --> 01:06:05.820
Right.

886
01:06:05.820 --> 01:06:08.780
And I'm not saying that's true for you, Alice, but that's what comes to mind.

887
01:06:08.820 --> 01:06:13.680
Sometimes we do kind of go in all these different directions, trying to figure out the solution

888
01:06:13.680 --> 01:06:17.720
for ourselves when maybe it's right in front of us.

889
01:06:18.040 --> 01:06:20.120
And so just be praying into that, Alice.

890
01:06:20.200 --> 01:06:24.860
I think, you know, people in this day and time, you make some business cards, you put

891
01:06:24.860 --> 01:06:31.160
some flyers out there on social media, ads are super cheap on Facebook, literally promise

892
01:06:31.160 --> 01:06:32.780
you that we do it all the time.

893
01:06:33.100 --> 01:06:37.140
And you could put your name and stuff out there and potentially get clients and teach

894
01:06:37.140 --> 01:06:38.200
people how to play piano.

895
01:06:38.360 --> 01:06:41.600
And that might open a door to other things that you don't even see yet.

896
01:06:41.780 --> 01:06:43.420
And again, I'm not saying you have to do that.

897
01:06:43.780 --> 01:06:46.980
Do not, please do not write in if it doesn't work out.

898
01:06:47.900 --> 01:06:49.240
Bethany told me I have to do this.

899
01:06:49.460 --> 01:06:51.420
No, I'm just saying, explore that.

900
01:06:52.240 --> 01:06:55.600
Explore that and let's see where that might take you from here on out.

901
01:06:55.980 --> 01:06:55.980


902
01:06:57.000 --> 01:06:57.840
Sounds good.

903
01:06:58.180 --> 01:06:58.380
Awesome.

904
01:06:58.500 --> 01:07:00.200
Thanks for sharing that with us.

905
01:07:00.520 --> 01:07:01.920
Alana, go ahead.

906
01:07:08.140 --> 01:07:09.780
Oh, you're muted if you're talking.

907
01:07:27.140 --> 01:07:35.360
All right, I can tell she's working on it.

908
01:07:35.900 --> 01:07:36.800
I'm sorry.

909
01:07:37.200 --> 01:07:38.200
Thank you for your patience.

910
01:07:39.200 --> 01:07:39.840
It can be tricky.

911
01:07:40.320 --> 01:07:43.300
It was a big deal for me to figure out how to raise my hand.

912
01:07:43.620 --> 01:07:44.240
It's all right.

913
01:07:44.240 --> 01:07:45.240
You're doing great.

914
01:07:46.040 --> 01:07:46.720
How are you?

915
01:07:47.740 --> 01:07:49.160
Yeah, pretty good.

916
01:07:49.760 --> 01:07:56.780
Last night I did the silhouette activation and I posted that and I think it was a good

917
01:07:56.780 --> 01:08:03.180
activity for me because last week I felt I had trouble seeing that I was more valuable

918
01:08:03.340 --> 01:08:09.200
than like, you know, or precious than like rubies or something like that.

919
01:08:09.200 --> 01:08:15.460
So I did that and when I was doing the words that I believed I felt the words like I felt

920
01:08:15.460 --> 01:08:22.540
used like and damaged were words that came to mind or dirty.

921
01:08:22.880 --> 01:08:30.760
So I crossed those out on my activation or and I started writing words that like beautiful

922
01:08:30.760 --> 01:08:36.359
but that was harder or precious that was harder or cherished words that were harder for me

923
01:08:36.380 --> 01:08:37.680
to believe.

924
01:08:37.680 --> 01:08:46.240
And so what I realized is like I drew on my picture like my heart with like bricks in

925
01:08:46.240 --> 01:08:52.120
front of it because I've been told since I was a long time that I have walls built up

926
01:08:52.120 --> 01:08:57.859
around me and I didn't always know why or what and I just knew that the blood of God

927
01:08:57.859 --> 01:09:04.399
would break that down and one of the reasons I wanted to share why I felt dirty and stuff

928
01:09:04.399 --> 01:09:09.840
that came to mind because I've been falling asleep fine, but then I'll wake up at like

929
01:09:09.840 --> 01:09:14.760
four or something and so I journaled and I did a forgiveness thing for myself.

930
01:09:14.920 --> 01:09:19.840
But when I I traveled on Safari and I've traveled around the world multiple times.

931
01:09:19.840 --> 01:09:27.100
I've been really blessed that way and and I was traveling and I would my tour guide

932
01:09:27.100 --> 01:09:32.960
sometimes I was in you know, I was in a group and I would hook up with the tour guide because

933
01:09:32.960 --> 01:09:35.479
I was lonely and I was just I don't know.

934
01:09:35.520 --> 01:09:42.600
I just had a discontented heart and I would and one of them, you know in Tanzania was

935
01:09:42.600 --> 01:09:48.620
was married and so, you know, and then and then I crossed the border because it's cross

936
01:09:48.620 --> 01:09:53.279
the border in Kenya and I did the same thing like it was in two weeks and that was two

937
01:09:53.279 --> 01:09:53.899
different partners.

938
01:09:53.899 --> 01:09:59.640
It was awful and there's been other countries too, you know, and I just feel like who would

939
01:09:59.640 --> 01:09:59.980
want that?

940
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:19.420
who, you know, I thank God, I don't have any STDs or anything like that. And I've changed who I am. But, um, I just, I feel so ashamed and shame about that. Um, and not knowing how many partners I've had, I'm not doing that anymore. And so I wrote a forgiveness

941
01:10:19.420 --> 01:10:49.200
to, um, I'm embarrassed to tell somebody in the future that I don't even know. I don't necessarily have to go there, but I don't know, guys. And that's so I'm shamed about that. I'm guilty about that. And I forgave myself, you know, I tried and I, I've kind of done this one before, but I could see it was like a deeper level. So I knew I had to do it about that particular thing. But I've just been, um, you know, I've been on the final week for a bit, you know,

942
01:10:49.200 --> 01:11:16.340
and I just am like, I think I should stay maybe because I still am struggling feeling I'm treasured. And so I wrote that I'm treasured. And I wrote that and I'm going to hang it by my bed. Yeah. So I just was, I wanted to admit that to you guys. Um, yeah,

943
01:11:46.340 --> 01:12:16.320
I think that's just, um, that's just a great example of what led to those decisions because that's what we need to get to the root of, okay. Um, you mentioned, you know, some loneliness or, you know, kind of things that you were feeling. Um, but I believe God wants to come in and heal the, like the core of who you are. Um, you know, we don't, I'm not excusing any of our behaviors, any of us that have made unhealthy choices, but the reality is this lady's like, there's a reason that we give into time and space.

944
01:12:16.320 --> 01:12:26.700
Um, and I think that's just a great example of what led to those decisions because that's what we need to get to the root of, okay, so there are times where we believe a lie or we don't value ourselves because of something else we've been through.

945
01:12:27.000 --> 01:12:34.800
And that can lead us into these kinds of decisions and whatnot, but whether you feel it or believe it or not yet.

946
01:12:35.940 --> 01:12:49.220
There is absolutely someone out there that will love you 100% no matter what your past is. And I'll tell you this ladies, again, I know that I mentioned this to you before and you kind of referenced it.

947
01:12:50.060 --> 01:13:07.900
You don't have to sit and tell someone, everyone that you've been with, you don't have to tell someone that you forget the people, you know, that's real. And if you're with someone that's wanting you to tell them all that stuff, that's not healthy. I'm just going to tell you that right now. Okay.

948
01:13:09.720 --> 01:13:27.060
When I was doing my activation last night, I was doing it, but I wasn't necessarily feeling like I wasn't crying while I was doing it. So I knew there was more and I knew maybe I was just waiting for this group. Is that weird to not?

949
01:13:27.060 --> 01:13:48.420
No, here again, remember you're not, you guys aren't weird. Okay. Some of you are going to have emotion when you do this stuff. Some of you are going to have no emotion at the time, but the emotion might come up for you at a different time, like tonight or another time, you know, it's about what is God trying to do in you.

950
01:13:48.420 --> 01:14:16.160
And when you're doing some of that, you might feel a little numb Alana because of, you know, the shame and the guilt can cause us to push people away, including even like, this is going to sound kind of funny, but this is where people can come in and not that you have this at all. I don't think you have a split personality, but this is where people can start kind of separating inside of themselves from themselves in a sense.

951
01:14:16.160 --> 01:14:29.640
Because it's like, you know, that you're there doing that thing. But has anyone ever had an experience where, you know, you're kind of you're there, but you almost feel like you're looking down at the situation. Anyone else ever had that?

952
01:14:29.640 --> 01:14:48.800
Well, that's where we literally are. We're actually like, we don't really want to be there in that moment, in that situation, even sometimes the ones that we've chosen. And so we will kind of, in a sense, separate from that moment. And that's how that kind of stuff will happen as well.

953
01:14:48.800 --> 01:14:59.920
And so I want to encourage you just to continue to really love on yourself. Well, continue to follow the Holy Spirit in this process. He'll show you when you're ready.

954
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.620
to move forward, ladies, okay?

955
01:15:01.980 --> 01:15:04.880
It's okay if you get to week five

956
01:15:04.880 --> 01:15:06.400
and you just are like, you know what?

957
01:15:06.520 --> 01:15:07.340
I'm not sure I'm ready.

958
01:15:07.680 --> 01:15:09.720
I've had some ladies, Nadine,

959
01:15:09.900 --> 01:15:11.860
who just moved forward like a week or so ago,

960
01:15:11.980 --> 01:15:14.920
she stayed in and when she got to week five,

961
01:15:15.100 --> 01:15:18.240
she felt led to go back to the beginning and start over.

962
01:15:18.820 --> 01:15:21.820
And she really was glad that she did

963
01:15:21.820 --> 01:15:23.780
because there were things that God revealed her,

964
01:15:24.160 --> 01:15:25.760
to her the second time through

965
01:15:25.760 --> 01:15:28.280
that she didn't have revealed in the first time.

966
01:15:28.280 --> 01:15:31.380
So that might be something you want to consider, Alana,

967
01:15:31.900 --> 01:15:34.400
if you're still feeling some numbness

968
01:15:34.400 --> 01:15:36.240
when you're going through these processes

969
01:15:36.240 --> 01:15:37.860
or things like that,

970
01:15:37.880 --> 01:15:40.380
or really, really struggling with the shame and the guilt,

971
01:15:40.480 --> 01:15:42.280
which it sounds like is what's happening.

972
01:15:43.400 --> 01:15:45.640
Because again, ladies,

973
01:15:45.800 --> 01:15:47.600
remember that healing happens in layers

974
01:15:47.600 --> 01:15:48.540
and so does forgiveness.

975
01:15:48.640 --> 01:15:51.420
So if we've got all these kind of things stacked up,

976
01:15:51.460 --> 01:15:53.820
I'm kind of pretending like this is all kind of stuff

977
01:15:53.820 --> 01:15:55.140
stacked up in my heart and soul.

978
01:15:55.800 --> 01:15:58.780
Well, round one, sometimes of heart work,

979
01:15:59.140 --> 01:16:01.460
we'll kind of get the top layers off

980
01:16:01.900 --> 01:16:03.660
or a couple of the top layers,

981
01:16:04.100 --> 01:16:06.380
but some of us might need a little bit more time

982
01:16:06.380 --> 01:16:08.680
to get into the stuff that's underneath here.

983
01:16:09.300 --> 01:16:10.540
Does that make sense, everyone?

984
01:16:11.940 --> 01:16:13.980
All right, so Alana, great job.

985
01:16:14.120 --> 01:16:16.460
I'm so excited for you.

986
01:16:17.360 --> 01:16:18.580
You know, I'm so glad

987
01:16:18.580 --> 01:16:21.340
that you wrote the forgiveness prayer sheet for yourself,

988
01:16:21.440 --> 01:16:23.160
that you did the silhouette,

989
01:16:23.160 --> 01:16:25.040
even if you didn't feel something,

990
01:16:25.060 --> 01:16:27.020
you still did it and that matters.

991
01:16:27.100 --> 01:16:30.880
And so let's just keep praying into some things.

992
01:16:30.960 --> 01:16:32.740
The last thing I wanted to say though to you

993
01:16:32.740 --> 01:16:36.140
before I go on to Megan Gaston is,

994
01:16:36.640 --> 01:16:40.880
you said, someone told me that I have walls around my heart.

995
01:16:41.760 --> 01:16:43.240
And that might be true,

996
01:16:43.740 --> 01:16:45.720
but I want to encourage you

997
01:16:45.720 --> 01:16:49.400
to come out of agreement with that, okay?

998
01:16:49.960 --> 01:16:53.000
Because I believe that God is taking those bricks down

999
01:16:53.940 --> 01:16:56.620
and that you don't have a wall around your heart anymore.

1000
01:16:56.940 --> 01:16:57.740
I'm gonna tell you what,

1001
01:16:57.980 --> 01:16:59.260
somebody who has a wall around their heart

1002
01:16:59.260 --> 01:17:01.780
isn't gonna confess what you just did in our group,

1003
01:17:02.240 --> 01:17:03.100
all right?

1004
01:17:03.380 --> 01:17:08.140
Thank each of you that said something to me

1005
01:17:08.140 --> 01:17:10.860
that was really great, thank you.

1006
01:17:11.360 --> 01:17:11.920
You're welcome.

1007
01:17:12.420 --> 01:17:14.840
This is where the magic happens, ladies.

1008
01:17:14.860 --> 01:17:16.100
This is a safe place

1009
01:17:16.100 --> 01:17:19.300
and we have confessions that happen all the time

1010
01:17:19.300 --> 01:17:21.500
and it helps people move forward

1011
01:17:21.500 --> 01:17:22.960
in ways that you can't even imagine.

1012
01:17:23.520 --> 01:17:25.340
So everybody that's here tonight,

1013
01:17:25.940 --> 01:17:27.860
we may not ever all be here,

1014
01:17:28.020 --> 01:17:30.760
all these same people like this ever again.

1015
01:17:30.820 --> 01:17:32.660
And so those of you that are here,

1016
01:17:32.740 --> 01:17:34.600
I believe that God is really ministering

1017
01:17:34.600 --> 01:17:37.360
not only to Alana, but to you in this process

1018
01:17:38.080 --> 01:17:40.660
and just knowing that you're safe here too.

1019
01:17:40.900 --> 01:17:43.180
All right, Megan, go ahead and share with us.

1020
01:17:43.200 --> 01:17:44.060
We'd love to hear from you.

1021
01:17:44.920 --> 01:17:46.180
I kinda wanted to start off

1022
01:17:46.180 --> 01:17:48.440
with a little bit of a praise report.

1023
01:17:50.120 --> 01:17:53.740
So this weekend, I got to have a bit of time

1024
01:17:53.740 --> 01:17:55.040
to do some more of my hard work

1025
01:17:55.440 --> 01:17:57.820
and God really just stirred in me.

1026
01:17:57.840 --> 01:17:59.940
There was a question about what do you want?

1027
01:18:00.520 --> 01:18:02.560
And there was this part of me

1028
01:18:02.560 --> 01:18:05.080
that really thought about the children I would have one day

1029
01:18:05.080 --> 01:18:08.540
and that's a dream I've really shoved away.

1030
01:18:09.180 --> 01:18:10.660
So it was just really precious

1031
01:18:10.660 --> 01:18:12.440
just to have that time with God

1032
01:18:12.440 --> 01:18:14.240
and for it to just come forth.

1033
01:18:14.920 --> 01:18:17.300
And it was just really, really special.

1034
01:18:17.560 --> 01:18:20.820
And then I had gone up for prayer on Sunday

1035
01:18:21.140 --> 01:18:25.340
just to really break off just this fear of abandonment.

1036
01:18:25.680 --> 01:18:28.660
And one of the ladies, she actually is in this program,

1037
01:18:28.800 --> 01:18:31.060
she's in phase two that I got to pray with

1038
01:18:32.460 --> 01:18:34.740
because she kinda knew some of the things going on,

1039
01:18:34.740 --> 01:18:37.840
but she just really felt about God's adoption

1040
01:18:37.960 --> 01:18:42.000
and wanted me to kind of sign the adoption papers with God.

1041
01:18:42.000 --> 01:18:45.960
So I got to do that, which was just a really great moment.

1042
01:18:47.120 --> 01:18:48.400
But then when I got home,

1043
01:18:50.760 --> 01:18:53.060
of course the enemy tries to come in and attack,

1044
01:18:53.280 --> 01:18:56.140
but there was like this job I had applied for

1045
01:18:56.140 --> 01:18:57.360
and had done some interviews,

1046
01:18:57.800 --> 01:19:00.000
which I'll tie in a little bit in a second too.

1047
01:19:00.880 --> 01:19:03.720
And it said that they reopened it again

1048
01:19:03.860 --> 01:19:05.820
cause I haven't heard anything back.

1049
01:19:06.200 --> 01:19:11.560
So it caused like all this fear and like let down and stuff.

1050
01:19:11.560 --> 01:19:14.980
And so I tried to like take the thoughts captive

1051
01:19:15.200 --> 01:19:18.400
and was like, okay, I'm gonna focus on the promises

1052
01:19:18.400 --> 01:19:22.400
that God has given me and try to like capture those.

1053
01:19:22.900 --> 01:19:26.180
And then one of the big things that kept trying to replay,

1054
01:19:27.180 --> 01:19:29.600
which kind of ties into what you shared a bit tonight

1055
01:19:30.040 --> 01:19:34.000
was like, what's something that someone's spoken over you?

1056
01:19:34.040 --> 01:19:38.040
And like recently, one of the things that was said

1057
01:19:38.040 --> 01:19:39.840
was that I'm too shy.

1058
01:19:40.540 --> 01:19:43.500
And like my work, they just feel like

1059
01:19:44.060 --> 01:19:45.820
they don't want me to progress

1060
01:19:45.820 --> 01:19:47.380
because they think I'm too shy.

1061
01:19:47.800 --> 01:19:51.500
And so then when I was interviewing for this other job,

1062
01:19:51.800 --> 01:19:53.940
they kind of were asking about like how I'm going

1063
01:19:53.940 --> 01:19:54.880
and stuff.

1064
01:19:55.400 --> 01:19:57.940
And I felt like that word wanted to come forth,

1065
01:19:58.640 --> 01:19:59.980
but I tried to like.

1066
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.620
Flip and I said, I'm more reserved,

1067
01:20:02.060 --> 01:20:05.820
but I feel like the enemy really like attacked me

1068
01:20:05.820 --> 01:20:07.060
because I used that word.

1069
01:20:07.660 --> 01:20:10.320
So that's kind of like all the things

1070
01:20:10.320 --> 01:20:12.060
I've kind of been going on right now,

1071
01:20:12.060 --> 01:20:15.040
but I was like, so tonight when you said that word shy,

1072
01:20:15.180 --> 01:20:18.620
I was like, oh, that's definitely like spot on.

1073
01:20:19.580 --> 01:20:24.020
So when is the first time that you partnered with I'm shy

1074
01:20:25.240 --> 01:20:26.740
or I'm more reserved?

1075
01:20:27.520 --> 01:20:30.740
I definitely think more in my like,

1076
01:20:34.480 --> 01:20:37.560
like between like 10 and early teens.

1077
01:20:38.160 --> 01:20:42.660
I think especially when that was like the first,

1078
01:20:43.240 --> 01:20:46.060
we've moved a lot, but that was like the first move

1079
01:20:46.060 --> 01:20:47.920
that was like really conscious for me

1080
01:20:48.040 --> 01:20:52.600
because when we moved to Scotland, I was two,

1081
01:20:52.720 --> 01:20:55.340
but then when we moved back to Ireland

1082
01:20:55.340 --> 01:20:57.740
and did a different part, I was eight and a half.

1083
01:20:58.000 --> 01:21:02.000
So for me, this was like the first conscious move

1084
01:21:02.000 --> 01:21:04.580
where I also had to change schools and start over.

1085
01:21:05.140 --> 01:21:07.840
And that's, I think when I started to get a lot more

1086
01:21:07.840 --> 01:21:13.380
reserved and shy and I got bullied a lot around that age,

1087
01:21:13.540 --> 01:21:20.480
especially from like 10 all the way up to like 14, 15.

1088
01:21:20.480 --> 01:21:28.540
And so very much I kind of enforced being even more shy.

1089
01:21:28.580 --> 01:21:30.260
So let me ask you a question.

1090
01:21:30.500 --> 01:21:33.200
Have you ever sat and thought about the girl,

1091
01:21:33.320 --> 01:21:34.900
the little girl part of you,

1092
01:21:35.000 --> 01:21:37.560
like who you were before that move happened

1093
01:21:37.840 --> 01:21:41.120
and parts of yourself that may be shut down

1094
01:21:41.120 --> 01:21:42.480
during that time?

1095
01:21:43.300 --> 01:21:44.360
No, I haven't yet.

1096
01:21:44.560 --> 01:21:47.460
I think that that's what I would like you to do this week

1097
01:21:47.460 --> 01:21:51.020
and really ask the Lord to show you parts of yourself

1098
01:21:51.020 --> 01:21:54.960
that shut down because of the move and the bullying

1099
01:21:54.960 --> 01:21:57.520
and all the things that were happening in that time.

1100
01:21:57.920 --> 01:22:00.140
Because as I heard you describing it,

1101
01:22:00.740 --> 01:22:03.440
it sounds like you shut down parts of your personality

1102
01:22:04.880 --> 01:22:06.920
and you might be more reserved.

1103
01:22:07.060 --> 01:22:08.580
There's nothing wrong with that ladies,

1104
01:22:08.800 --> 01:22:12.540
but I have a feeling that you're actually more bubbly

1105
01:22:12.540 --> 01:22:17.360
and kind of just a very, very friendly person,

1106
01:22:17.800 --> 01:22:21.000
which to me, I'm not saying people can't be shy,

1107
01:22:21.140 --> 01:22:26.560
but typically again, us partnering with shy

1108
01:22:26.840 --> 01:22:29.700
versus being an introvert, there's a difference.

1109
01:22:30.600 --> 01:22:32.960
You know, where we just become labeled then,

1110
01:22:33.100 --> 01:22:36.320
but it oftentimes is because at some point,

1111
01:22:37.420 --> 01:22:40.200
like in this situation, something happened

1112
01:22:40.200 --> 01:22:42.880
and then you kind of went into isolation

1113
01:22:42.880 --> 01:22:45.380
if you think about it, right?

1114
01:22:45.780 --> 01:22:49.000
That is totally different than being introverted

1115
01:22:49.000 --> 01:22:51.260
and choosing to go in and get recharged

1116
01:22:51.260 --> 01:22:52.560
and then go back out.

1117
01:22:52.680 --> 01:22:54.800
I don't just stop being around people.

1118
01:22:55.060 --> 01:22:56.380
I don't stop coaching.

1119
01:22:56.840 --> 01:23:00.260
I don't stop doing the things God has called me to do.

1120
01:23:01.040 --> 01:23:03.260
But y'all, you know, I've had people speak over me.

1121
01:23:03.260 --> 01:23:05.800
I had one of my closest friends say, you're too serious.

1122
01:23:06.000 --> 01:23:08.080
And y'all, I say things all the time.

1123
01:23:08.100 --> 01:23:08.880
I think I'm funny.

1124
01:23:09.600 --> 01:23:11.600
Now, everybody might not always think I'm funny,

1125
01:23:11.820 --> 01:23:13.140
but I think I'm funny.

1126
01:23:14.360 --> 01:23:18.100
But some of that has come because I've just allowed myself,

1127
01:23:18.260 --> 01:23:20.620
like I remember literally where we were

1128
01:23:20.620 --> 01:23:21.660
when she said it to me.

1129
01:23:21.660 --> 01:23:23.840
And I was just like, I don't receive that.

1130
01:23:23.940 --> 01:23:26.640
Like, I don't need to be like this person or that person.

1131
01:23:26.720 --> 01:23:30.260
I can just be myself and I think people are gonna like me.

1132
01:23:30.540 --> 01:23:32.500
Now, I've grown a lot since then,

1133
01:23:33.980 --> 01:23:36.360
but some of it is we have to reject.

1134
01:23:36.540 --> 01:23:37.820
We have to reject that stuff

1135
01:23:37.820 --> 01:23:39.460
that's not supposed to be honest

1136
01:23:39.460 --> 01:23:40.480
that other people have said

1137
01:23:40.540 --> 01:23:44.840
or that we've even partnered with and agreed with.

1138
01:23:45.780 --> 01:23:48.320
So let's start with that time

1139
01:23:48.320 --> 01:23:50.160
when you were eight and a half or so

1140
01:23:50.280 --> 01:23:52.800
and see what the Lord wants to reveal

1141
01:23:52.800 --> 01:23:55.120
from those memories in that time.

1142
01:23:56.420 --> 01:23:58.620
You know, forgiving people that bullied you,

1143
01:23:58.720 --> 01:24:01.180
Megan, is gonna be an important part of that.

1144
01:24:01.820 --> 01:24:03.200
So you might wanna pray

1145
01:24:03.200 --> 01:24:05.220
into some forgiveness prayer sheets, okay?

1146
01:24:07.040 --> 01:24:08.180
All right, awesome.

1147
01:24:08.420 --> 01:24:09.420
Thanks for sharing that.

1148
01:24:10.100 --> 01:24:10.320
Thank you.

1149
01:24:10.680 --> 01:24:10.960
You're welcome.

1150
01:24:11.160 --> 01:24:12.840
Mikayla Martin, go ahead.

1151
01:24:15.880 --> 01:24:19.020
Yeah, one thing that I've kind of been thinking about

1152
01:24:19.020 --> 01:24:21.620
and I really appreciate everything that everyone's shared.

1153
01:24:21.760 --> 01:24:24.420
It was very, very relatable and thank you for sharing.

1154
01:24:25.980 --> 01:24:28.380
One thing I've kind of been thinking about myself

1155
01:24:28.380 --> 01:24:30.400
just this week, just reflecting is,

1156
01:24:30.980 --> 01:24:34.520
it's kind of like, it's kind of like what Megan was saying.

1157
01:24:34.520 --> 01:24:37.400
Like this shyness or this kind of reservedness

1158
01:24:37.500 --> 01:24:40.540
that I don't think was really a part of my true personality

1159
01:24:40.540 --> 01:24:41.900
when I was a child.

1160
01:24:43.040 --> 01:24:45.520
And I think I developed it kind of later on

1161
01:24:45.520 --> 01:24:47.020
by like some perceived rejection.

1162
01:24:47.420 --> 01:24:49.960
And, you know, I just have thought like,

1163
01:24:50.200 --> 01:24:51.240
and when I say like,

1164
01:24:51.240 --> 01:24:53.520
I feel like I'm such a terrible like flirt,

1165
01:24:54.080 --> 01:24:57.340
not like flirting like in a bad kind of way,

1166
01:24:57.360 --> 01:24:58.680
but like, I feel like with men,

1167
01:24:58.680 --> 01:24:59.820
I just struggle

1168
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:08.760
to interact with them in a way that is like open and carefree and just kind of like inviting.

1169
01:25:09.360 --> 01:25:14.560
And it's just, you know, I was telling with my partner, like, you know, guys, I just look down

1170
01:25:14.560 --> 01:25:19.180
at my shoes, you know, like I'll smile and then look down and it's, you know, it's like, I struggle

1171
01:25:19.180 --> 01:25:26.480
with this fear of like, you know, being too flirty or like, or flirting with a guy and he's not

1172
01:25:26.580 --> 01:25:31.280
interested in me. So then it's like this perceived rejection kind of thing. And I've just realized

1173
01:25:31.280 --> 01:25:37.260
that that has so kind of just, it's kind of, and that and other things, it's like, it's made my

1174
01:25:37.260 --> 01:25:43.620
world kind of small. Like, sometimes I still have, like, almost like fear of talking to people,

1175
01:25:43.880 --> 01:25:48.660
sometimes even in public. And I don't think people would really see me that way. But it's like these

1176
01:25:48.660 --> 01:25:53.660
thoughts that kind of just start bombarding my mind of even at work, like, oh, people don't

1177
01:25:53.660 --> 01:25:58.040
listen to you or they think your opinions of nothing or whatever. And it's just these things

1178
01:25:58.040 --> 01:26:03.840
that kind of, it just makes my world kind of small. So I actually realized like this past weekend, like,

1179
01:26:04.020 --> 01:26:08.140
you know, even things on social media, like I don't share a lot on social media and my

1180
01:26:08.740 --> 01:26:12.480
privacy settings are like up all the way because I work in a public school. And in a way though,

1181
01:26:12.480 --> 01:26:19.140
it's like, it's kind of kept me boxed in from even other people seeing about my life, you know?

1182
01:26:19.140 --> 01:26:25.440
And so I think that's something God's been kind of showing me. It's like a fear of rejection or

1183
01:26:25.440 --> 01:26:30.340
people attacking me or disliking me or whatever. And so it's just made me kind of make my world

1184
01:26:30.380 --> 01:26:37.280
smaller. So I think God's been showing me. Thank you for sharing that. I'm just curious. I don't,

1185
01:26:37.760 --> 01:26:41.240
I don't know why I'm having this thought. It might not have anything to do with you. It could

1186
01:26:41.240 --> 01:26:47.480
be somebody else in the room tonight, honestly. But did you ever see your mom flirting with guys

1187
01:26:47.480 --> 01:26:53.860
and didn't like it? Or did you ever? No, she was like the opposite. Like I never even really

1188
01:26:53.860 --> 01:27:00.180
saw her flirt with my dad. Like she was like abused as a kid and she was like very not that

1189
01:27:00.180 --> 01:27:07.480
way at all. She really didn't like male attention. Do you know anything about her mom?

1190
01:27:08.680 --> 01:27:14.260
Her mom was kind of similar, honestly, very hard kind of personality towards her husband

1191
01:27:14.260 --> 01:27:22.280
and they got divorced and she was not the most, I would say carefree kind of, you know,

1192
01:27:22.660 --> 01:27:27.120
yeah, like not, I wouldn't say flirty, but like almost the opposite. Kind of like hard,

1193
01:27:27.140 --> 01:27:32.520
like they were kind of men bashers. I hate to say that, but. No, it's okay. Yeah. It's so weird. So

1194
01:27:32.520 --> 01:27:39.840
I'm, I saw total opposite. So I'm very intrigued why that's what I saw, but it does help me kind

1195
01:27:39.840 --> 01:27:47.800
understand some of the like things that you're having to overcome though. Because it's not this

1196
01:27:47.800 --> 01:27:53.820
here. Like the more I asked you, you're like, okay, grandma actually was harsh towards men. Mom kind

1197
01:27:53.820 --> 01:28:01.440
of was too. Mom went some through some hard things. All of this is stuff you've grown up with,

1198
01:28:01.440 --> 01:28:09.440
you know? And so even when you might be normal, okay. And just trying to flirt or interact,

1199
01:28:09.820 --> 01:28:15.080
there's subconscious things happening underneath the surface because of things that you've heard

1200
01:28:15.080 --> 01:28:20.800
or seen or witnessed. And that's what I kind of saw was, which is, again, it's very interesting

1201
01:28:20.800 --> 01:28:27.140
that I could see someone flirting and then there was a perception happening, but it actually was

1202
01:28:27.140 --> 01:28:35.740
the opposite. You're saying that mom didn't even flirt with dad. And so I'm kind of curious about

1203
01:28:35.740 --> 01:28:41.920
this, you know, what does it look like now for you to have a healthy relationship and flirt when

1204
01:28:41.920 --> 01:28:47.600
that was never something that happened? And so I think that's the, the opposite kind of that

1205
01:28:47.600 --> 01:28:51.840
balancing thing that's happening. You're learning how to do something that you've never witnessed.

1206
01:28:51.840 --> 01:28:58.960
You've never learned it from your biological family, but it is possible. So I want to encourage

1207
01:28:58.960 --> 01:29:04.520
you. So you said you struggle to look at men in the eye and you struggle just talking to people

1208
01:29:04.520 --> 01:29:09.500
in general. So here are two assignments for you this week. You don't have to try to flirt with

1209
01:29:09.500 --> 01:29:16.440
guys. Okay. But I do want you to practice when you're walking by guys, whether it's at work,

1210
01:29:16.440 --> 01:29:22.780
on the street, in a store, that you practice looking at them in the eye and just say, hello.

1211
01:29:23.920 --> 01:29:28.580
Okay. You don't have to do anything else. We need to get you to a place where you're

1212
01:29:28.580 --> 01:29:34.340
practicing just these basic, like, you know, interactions with men, looking them in the eye,

1213
01:29:34.340 --> 01:29:39.940
saying hello. So you might say, well, I might not see men. Guess what? You can take a field

1214
01:29:39.940 --> 01:29:45.400
trip to Home Depot and walk around the store, even if you don't buy anything. This is how,

1215
01:29:45.400 --> 01:29:51.740
we go practice this stuff. So this is, if this is to someone else, Oh, I have someone unmuted.

1216
01:29:52.240 --> 01:29:55.720
If this is standing out to anyone else, I'm going to encourage you to take the assignment as well.

1217
01:29:55.880 --> 01:29:59.980
It's a great practice. We used to do this all the time. Back when I was in the

1218
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.740
group, going through boot camp and things, but that's assignment number one.

1219
01:30:05.460 --> 01:30:10.860
Assignment number two, you said you have a fear of talking to people, you know, and things,

1220
01:30:10.940 --> 01:30:15.080
so I want you to practice when you're out and about in a place where it's not someone

1221
01:30:15.080 --> 01:30:15.800
you know.

1222
01:30:18.600 --> 01:30:19.860
Just it can be a simple thing.

1223
01:30:19.920 --> 01:30:27.900
You're asking them for directions, you're asking them for, you know, what'd you do this

1224
01:30:28.070 --> 01:30:32.390
weekend, if it's a person that you do know, where you're just having, again, these basic

1225
01:30:33.030 --> 01:30:40.830
conversations and you may have those fears rise up in you again, but remember, fear is

1226
01:30:40.830 --> 01:30:42.550
false evidence appearing real.

1227
01:30:43.750 --> 01:30:50.790
We need to get to the root of what's causing the fear, but also go against the fear to

1228
01:30:50.790 --> 01:30:51.430
overcome it.

1229
01:30:51.430 --> 01:30:56.610
So to get out there and face the fear and do the opposite of it, okay?

1230
01:30:57.390 --> 01:31:02.590
So instead of pulling back and not engaging and not talking to people, you're going to

1231
01:31:02.590 --> 01:31:06.850
go out into the community and you may even want to just research just something fun to

1232
01:31:06.850 --> 01:31:10.210
go do, you know, to take some of that pressure off.

1233
01:31:11.110 --> 01:31:16.410
As far as talking to people, you know, maybe you go to a craft show or something and you

1234
01:31:16.410 --> 01:31:21.370
walk around the booths and you inquire at a couple of people's booths.

1235
01:31:21.370 --> 01:31:26.130
I'm kind of just making this stuff up as I'm going, but that could be a great way to get

1236
01:31:26.130 --> 01:31:28.630
out and just practice talking to people.

1237
01:31:29.250 --> 01:31:33.810
You know, where you're talking about their art, you know, what do you like about something

1238
01:31:33.810 --> 01:31:34.510
that they made?

1239
01:31:34.750 --> 01:31:43.650
And then just know that as you do that, pay attention to any of the things that you're

1240
01:31:43.650 --> 01:31:47.330
hearing that are negative, any of the lies that are surfacing.

1241
01:31:47.550 --> 01:31:52.950
And then when you have those, come back into the group and do a post about it and then

1242
01:31:52.950 --> 01:31:56.510
we can kind of start unpacking where those lies came from for you.

1243
01:31:57.430 --> 01:31:57.730
Okay.

1244
01:31:58.590 --> 01:31:59.470
Yeah, that's great.

1245
01:31:59.470 --> 01:32:02.470
Yeah, I think it's going to be really, really good practice for you all.

1246
01:32:03.830 --> 01:32:08.250
And yeah, some people I saw Yesenia said, I don't have experience flirting.

1247
01:32:08.350 --> 01:32:09.470
I don't know how to at all.

1248
01:32:09.750 --> 01:32:12.510
And some people have had the same experience.

1249
01:32:12.510 --> 01:32:13.230
They don't know.

1250
01:32:13.870 --> 01:32:17.750
And as you guys go through the remainder of our program, if you choose to stay in the

1251
01:32:17.870 --> 01:32:24.270
program, we actually have some content on flirting and the power of woo and all kinds

1252
01:32:24.270 --> 01:32:24.790
of stuff.

1253
01:32:25.190 --> 01:32:27.590
You know, Jackie's super creative with some of the titles.

1254
01:32:28.170 --> 01:32:32.770
We have content on sex within marriage and all of that as well.

1255
01:32:32.990 --> 01:32:37.750
So want you to know, we have plenty of content to help you guys with pretty much anything

1256
01:32:37.750 --> 01:32:38.750
you can think of.

1257
01:32:39.030 --> 01:32:43.870
But yeah, Michaela, try those out and then let me know, or you know, Annette or Andrea

1258
01:32:43.870 --> 01:32:45.810
may answer you, but let us know how that goes.

1259
01:32:45.810 --> 01:32:46.230
Okay.

1260
01:32:47.530 --> 01:32:48.090
Awesome.

1261
01:32:49.030 --> 01:32:52.150
All right, Emily Darling, and I know we're at 933.

1262
01:32:52.370 --> 01:32:54.810
So if anyone needs to log out, totally understand.

1263
01:32:55.170 --> 01:32:55.830
God bless you.

1264
01:32:55.870 --> 01:33:00.710
If you go, I'm going to let Emily Darling go and Catherine Clark and then we'll close

1265
01:33:00.710 --> 01:33:01.650
down for the night.

1266
01:33:05.110 --> 01:33:12.010
I think one of the biggest things that I've been struggling with lately, and this past

1267
01:33:12.010 --> 01:33:17.770
month has been a struggle in general, just because I've been transitioning from living

1268
01:33:17.770 --> 01:33:24.730
in a previous apartment with a roommate and to being by myself in a room in a apartment

1269
01:33:24.730 --> 01:33:25.550
by myself.

1270
01:33:27.610 --> 01:33:36.310
And, but one of the things that I've always struggled with is the perfection to avoid

1271
01:33:36.330 --> 01:33:37.030
rejection.

1272
01:33:37.990 --> 01:33:42.150
Like my heart just like immediately contracted.

1273
01:33:43.510 --> 01:33:54.210
And then after that, and just sharing with, or hearing Karen and Alice as well, I think

1274
01:33:54.210 --> 01:34:01.650
something else that came up was I've always been partnering with I'm strong enough.

1275
01:34:01.650 --> 01:34:10.450
I don't need any help and I definitely don't need to be married or need a man in my life.

1276
01:34:10.630 --> 01:34:17.290
And I ironically saw an Instagram post by a guy who's in his early thirties talking

1277
01:34:17.290 --> 01:34:22.730
about how like he's struggling being a single male and if he's ever going to get married.

1278
01:34:22.810 --> 01:34:25.510
And I said, I just basically said something super supportive.

1279
01:34:25.510 --> 01:34:29.550
Like I'm 35, I've already been diagnosed with fertility issues.

1280
01:34:29.550 --> 01:34:34.950
Like I understand, like it's a great, it can feel like a grieving process.

1281
01:34:35.370 --> 01:34:40.530
And literally some person I've never met and have no idea because obviously it's a public

1282
01:34:40.530 --> 01:34:45.450
Instagram post said exactly that, that you're a strong, independent woman, you don't need

1283
01:34:45.450 --> 01:34:45.970
no man.

1284
01:34:47.290 --> 01:34:52.010
And I was like, that is what, like, what does that have anything to do with anything?

1285
01:34:53.930 --> 01:34:58.370
Well, I mean, that's somebody just using that as a platform, you know, because

1286
01:34:58.370 --> 01:34:58.770
Right.

1287
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:06.020
But like all the other posts around that like were a bunch of women and like the for whatever reason

1288
01:35:06.860 --> 01:35:14.480
based on the handle I would assume is a man but who knows picked mine it just was so random to me

1289
01:35:14.480 --> 01:35:21.660
that it would just be mine. Well it's not really random okay so here's what's happening ladies when

1290
01:35:21.660 --> 01:35:27.160
we are postured in a certain way in our hearts we actually attract that stuff to ourselves

1291
01:35:28.040 --> 01:35:35.720
okay so for example when I didn't walk in my value and worth I attracted takers I attracted

1292
01:35:35.840 --> 01:35:42.600
people that walked in narcissistic tendencies and all these things and so I have we have to

1293
01:35:42.600 --> 01:35:48.140
kind of look at what is it that's in our heart what are we posturing in that's drawing that

1294
01:35:48.140 --> 01:35:53.880
stuff to us so I'm not saying it's your fault I'm just saying that what is it the areas that

1295
01:35:53.880 --> 01:36:01.500
need healed in your heart it it unfortunately does attract that stuff to us and so you know

1296
01:36:01.500 --> 01:36:07.620
I want to encourage you to come out of agreement with you know the lies that you know you're just

1297
01:36:07.620 --> 01:36:13.020
better off single that you know you don't need people's help so your assignment right out of

1298
01:36:13.020 --> 01:36:23.860
the gate I'm giving assignments as we close tonight who else wants to go but I want to

1299
01:36:23.860 --> 01:36:28.180
ask the Lord who do I need to ask for help and what do I need to ask them to help me with

1300
01:36:28.800 --> 01:36:33.760
who do I need to ask for help and what do I need to ask them to help me with and even if you can

1301
01:36:33.760 --> 01:36:39.820
do it yourself that you won't do it yourself but you'll actually ask them to help you I've had a

1302
01:36:39.820 --> 01:36:45.180
couple ladies that have taken me up on this assignment and they instead of driving themselves

1303
01:36:45.180 --> 01:36:50.920
to the airport felt led to ask someone to drive them to the airport one lady felt led to ask

1304
01:36:50.920 --> 01:36:56.140
someone to help her with piano lessons you know just all kinds of stuff and so there's something

1305
01:36:56.140 --> 01:37:01.480
about coming out of agreement with the lie that I don't need anybody's help and I've just got this

1306
01:37:01.480 --> 01:37:08.660
myself because we all need community we all need people God created us for family you are

1307
01:37:09.660 --> 01:37:16.780
and so the enemy's tactic is to try to get us out of that and to go into isolation and withdrawal

1308
01:37:17.500 --> 01:37:23.260
and just these places and heart postures and you know again you know I'm all about being a strong

1309
01:37:23.260 --> 01:37:30.860
woman okay I am but in our culture it's gotten so out of balance that it's just this whole feminist

1310
01:37:30.900 --> 01:37:36.060
movement and and now our you know our tv shows for years have made men look like they're stupid

1311
01:37:36.060 --> 01:37:41.000
like they don't have a brain that we don't the women don't need the men the men are just these

1312
01:37:41.000 --> 01:37:46.760
toys and get out of here kind of even the kids like get out of here dad kind of behavior you

1313
01:37:46.760 --> 01:37:54.100
know let's not like let's really look at how are we partnering with that kind of stuff in our hearts

1314
01:37:54.920 --> 01:38:03.520
you know so as always when is the first time that you partnered with the lie I don't need help

1315
01:38:08.220 --> 01:38:12.700
I couldn't even tell you but my inkling would be sometime in my childhood

1316
01:38:14.540 --> 01:38:18.760
um and so you want to pray into that it's okay if you don't know tonight because sometimes you

1317
01:38:18.760 --> 01:38:23.680
all don't know right then and I don't want you to force something I want you to really pray into that

1318
01:38:23.740 --> 01:38:28.680
and ask the Lord to reveal to you when is the first time you agreed with the lie

1319
01:38:28.680 --> 01:38:33.420
I don't need anybody's help yeah I think yeah

1320
01:38:33.420 --> 01:38:44.520
um I know I can feel it in my spirit it's it's stemming from every time I've asked for help as

1321
01:38:44.520 --> 01:38:52.040
a kid it was never given or at least it wasn't given in the way that I was hoping it would be

1322
01:38:52.040 --> 01:38:56.200
and so then I was just like well if people aren't gonna help me though either the way I

1323
01:38:56.200 --> 01:39:05.560
needed or whatever then I can just do it by myself or they'd force help on me and I wanted

1324
01:39:05.560 --> 01:39:13.540
to do something by myself like okay and so there might be some forgiveness prayer sheets to do

1325
01:39:13.540 --> 01:39:21.520
oh 100 yeah so um this seems like it's leading into some places where forgiving those that didn't

1326
01:39:21.520 --> 01:39:27.000
help you or they didn't help you in the way that you had hoped but also forgiving the times where

1327
01:39:27.000 --> 01:39:33.320
it was forced on you versus allowing you to develop your confidence in certain ways or to

1328
01:39:33.320 --> 01:39:39.320
be able just to try something on your own and see how it went um and then again just keep praying

1329
01:39:39.320 --> 01:39:46.620
into that that's a great start I have a feeling that there's going to be more um and the I don't

1330
01:39:46.620 --> 01:39:54.700
need a man also pray into that one typically that that actually I've been able I feel like

1331
01:39:55.920 --> 01:39:59.720
um how I had done said that in the past

1332
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:07.820
Um, but not like, so when that person or bought or whatever, put that there, I was like, that's

1333
01:40:07.820 --> 01:40:08.680
not true.

1334
01:40:09.440 --> 01:40:16.280
Like, you know, if God calls me to singleness, then he will, but that's not true.

1335
01:40:16.280 --> 01:40:18.440
And I don't feel that call.

1336
01:40:19.000 --> 01:40:20.020
So yeah.

1337
01:40:20.580 --> 01:40:28.880
But you said that tonight, so I want you to pray into it because again, ladies, this can

1338
01:40:28.880 --> 01:40:34.220
come from somewhere like maybe somebody else was saying it, you know, growing up, um, maybe

1339
01:40:34.220 --> 01:40:39.540
somebody else has said it to you as a friend, maybe someone that they're, you know, even

1340
01:40:39.540 --> 01:40:42.120
people in church, you all, they think they're being helpful.

1341
01:40:42.420 --> 01:40:45.700
And sometimes they're saying stuff that is not helpful at all.

1342
01:40:45.700 --> 01:40:50.440
And it's actually, whether you realize it or not, it's pushing you backwards in the

1343
01:40:50.460 --> 01:40:51.800
spirit, right?

1344
01:40:51.800 --> 01:40:53.400
So we gotta be really aware.

1345
01:40:53.600 --> 01:40:56.880
And again, we don't have to receive every word that someone says to us.

1346
01:40:56.880 --> 01:41:01.180
We don't have to receive things that people say that are not in alignment with God's plan

1347
01:41:01.180 --> 01:41:02.080
and purpose for us.

1348
01:41:02.240 --> 01:41:07.880
So be praying into those practice, asking people for help, and let's see how that goes

1349
01:41:07.880 --> 01:41:08.280
this week.

1350
01:41:08.640 --> 01:41:08.640


1351
01:41:08.900 --> 01:41:09.480
Sounds good.

1352
01:41:09.780 --> 01:41:09.980
Awesome.

1353
01:41:10.220 --> 01:41:11.680
Thank you for sharing.

1354
01:41:12.020 --> 01:41:13.380
Catherine Clark, go ahead.

1355
01:41:17.580 --> 01:41:17.880
Okay.

1356
01:41:17.880 --> 01:41:22.320
I got the, I got the, I got the unmute button working.

1357
01:41:23.100 --> 01:41:29.780
Yeah, I just like felt it strong on my heart to get it out and like let it out with, um,

1358
01:41:29.780 --> 01:41:35.620
like some of what I was sharing for Saturday, Supernatural Saturday, because, um, now that

1359
01:41:35.620 --> 01:41:41.980
we're in the heart work part of this tonight, it's just a ladies, there's the hard part

1360
01:41:41.980 --> 01:41:43.240
of it to really discuss.

1361
01:41:44.700 --> 01:41:50.120
Um, October is a very triggering month for me because four years ago, my son's father

1362
01:41:50.120 --> 01:41:55.180
asked for a divorce and told me he was gay and all of that.

1363
01:41:55.660 --> 01:42:04.820
And um, I guess I realized at the time I kind of just focused on my son, focused on work,

1364
01:42:05.260 --> 01:42:11.680
focused on and kind of put my, I had to be do, do, do, go, go, go, because I just didn't

1365
01:42:11.680 --> 01:42:14.300
want to, I didn't want to deal with any of the emotions.

1366
01:42:15.080 --> 01:42:19.300
And, um, I knew in the back of my head, turning 40 was going to be very difficult.

1367
01:42:20.300 --> 01:42:29.740
Um, of course his dad had to say something to me about it and throw in my face and my

1368
01:42:29.740 --> 01:42:31.040
40th birthday, of course.

1369
01:42:31.080 --> 01:42:37.140
And, and I, I sworn to this day, I say my ex ruined my birthday month four years ago.

1370
01:42:37.140 --> 01:42:41.680
I still say it over and over, but I turned 40 on Friday.

1371
01:42:41.680 --> 01:42:48.900
So I'm October 3rd and he threw in my face the divorce, which of course, by the way,

1372
01:42:49.300 --> 01:42:50.680
I had to pay for it.

1373
01:42:52.780 --> 01:42:55.440
Um, I want a real marriage.

1374
01:42:55.480 --> 01:42:57.000
I want a real godly marriage.

1375
01:42:57.080 --> 01:42:58.460
I don't want a paper marriage.

1376
01:42:58.700 --> 01:43:02.600
Um, this man wanted to divorce, but didn't want to pay for it.

1377
01:43:02.880 --> 01:43:04.900
So I had to pay for that.

1378
01:43:06.320 --> 01:43:07.360
And right.

1379
01:43:07.380 --> 01:43:11.260
He threw it in my face and then threw it in my face about my last name.

1380
01:43:12.140 --> 01:43:16.480
So when you say he threw it in your face, can you tell me like, what did he say to you?

1381
01:43:17.040 --> 01:43:23.400
He was acting like, Oh, I enjoyed being married to you, which I'm like, that's a lie

1382
01:43:23.400 --> 01:43:24.560
from him big time.

1383
01:43:24.880 --> 01:43:25.700
No, he did not.

1384
01:43:26.120 --> 01:43:26.600
That's a lie.

1385
01:43:27.340 --> 01:43:31.880
And he was asking about me changing my last name back.

1386
01:43:32.660 --> 01:43:37.240
And my thought was it's so annoying paying for things to change my name.

1387
01:43:37.240 --> 01:43:44.220
I mean, I'd rather just keep the last name until I remarry because I kind of think the

1388
01:43:44.220 --> 01:43:47.820
way my mom thought, like, well, at least I can have the same last name as my kid.

1389
01:43:48.660 --> 01:43:55.520
So it's really for our son and just because I don't want to pay for things all over

1390
01:43:55.520 --> 01:44:00.900
again. And I'm like, there is a part of me that believes that God has somebody for me.

1391
01:44:00.980 --> 01:44:03.860
But of course, when he threw all of that, you know, I heard the lies too.

1392
01:44:03.860 --> 01:44:05.800
I'm like, does God have someone for me?

1393
01:44:06.360 --> 01:44:08.180
I hope he wouldn't call me to singleness.

1394
01:44:09.300 --> 01:44:11.280
And all of that was scaring me.

1395
01:44:11.880 --> 01:44:15.340
But, you know, I was very upset about turning 40.

1396
01:44:15.660 --> 01:44:21.060
And although God brought me in the spring, in the summer into.

1397
01:44:22.640 --> 01:44:28.700
Yeah, late summer, a little bit more where I want to be in life, returning 40, which is at

1398
01:44:28.700 --> 01:44:31.100
least having my own apartment, my own place.

1399
01:44:31.100 --> 01:44:35.780
Yeah. So I'm better than I thought I would have been this time last year, turning 40.

1400
01:44:36.340 --> 01:44:38.640
I'm not exactly everywhere I want to be yet.

1401
01:44:38.720 --> 01:44:40.380
And that's with that godly husband.

1402
01:44:40.640 --> 01:44:46.560
And I feel like Satan kind of used my ex to throw that dig in my face.

1403
01:44:46.840 --> 01:44:48.940
And I bawled Friday night.

1404
01:44:49.240 --> 01:44:57.040
And I'm actually glad I had a good female friend sleep over that night because I was in

1405
01:44:57.040 --> 01:44:59.460
no place of being alone with those thoughts.

1406
01:44:59.460 --> 01:44:59.980
Because all.

1407
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.380
all those old depression thoughts and everything

1408
01:45:02.380 --> 01:45:04.380
from the divorce, everything came back.

1409
01:45:04.440 --> 01:45:06.300
And I'm like, that was a good time

1410
01:45:06.300 --> 01:45:07.880
to have company overnight.

1411
01:45:08.200 --> 01:45:09.740
Catherine, how old is your son?

1412
01:45:11.000 --> 01:45:12.620
Well, now he's turning seven tomorrow.

1413
01:45:12.880 --> 01:45:13.460
Okay.

1414
01:45:13.600 --> 01:45:18.120
And all of this with us splitting up

1415
01:45:18.960 --> 01:45:22.580
was sadly around my son's birthday,

1416
01:45:23.540 --> 01:45:25.740
around the seventh, it really started going.

1417
01:45:25.740 --> 01:45:29.700
And then on the 17th of October of 2021, that was it.

1418
01:45:30.360 --> 01:45:30.660
Yeah.

1419
01:45:30.940 --> 01:45:34.560
So around this time, yeah, it's a trigger.

1420
01:45:34.640 --> 01:45:35.920
Around this time, it's a trigger.

1421
01:45:36.280 --> 01:45:39.280
The reason I was asking is I was trying to determine

1422
01:45:39.360 --> 01:45:42.540
if you had to continue keeping contact with the ex.

1423
01:45:42.560 --> 01:45:45.720
So your son is young, so understand keeping that contact.

1424
01:45:45.960 --> 01:45:48.480
But here's the thing I want to say to all of you

1425
01:45:48.480 --> 01:45:51.140
that have to be in these situations with your exes.

1426
01:45:51.680 --> 01:45:53.720
You do not have to respond

1427
01:45:53.720 --> 01:45:55.960
to every text message they send you.

1428
01:45:56.940 --> 01:45:58.380
I realized that, and I also realized

1429
01:45:58.380 --> 01:45:59.840
maybe I should have just blocked his number

1430
01:45:59.840 --> 01:46:01.800
just for my birthday, at least.

1431
01:46:01.960 --> 01:46:04.900
Yeah, I mean, yeah, or you might even have a friend

1432
01:46:04.900 --> 01:46:06.400
keep your phone on your birthday

1433
01:46:06.400 --> 01:46:08.820
and help you monitor things like that

1434
01:46:08.820 --> 01:46:11.000
or things where you're just setting some guardrails

1435
01:46:11.000 --> 01:46:12.900
in place to protect yourself.

1436
01:46:14.520 --> 01:46:16.600
It sounds like he's in a toxic place

1437
01:46:17.180 --> 01:46:19.520
and potentially may like to aggravate.

1438
01:46:19.880 --> 01:46:22.260
The other thing I want to just touch on really quick

1439
01:46:22.260 --> 01:46:25.200
is I think it's totally fine

1440
01:46:25.200 --> 01:46:26.600
if you keep your name the way it is.

1441
01:46:26.620 --> 01:46:28.320
And if you want to keep your name the way it is,

1442
01:46:28.320 --> 01:46:31.120
it doesn't matter what he wants, right?

1443
01:46:31.660 --> 01:46:33.800
And so I think it's really important for you all

1444
01:46:33.800 --> 01:46:35.760
to continue to stand on your strength.

1445
01:46:36.240 --> 01:46:38.140
What is it that you want?

1446
01:46:38.800 --> 01:46:42.040
If you want to have the last name that your son has for now

1447
01:46:42.040 --> 01:46:44.760
until you get remarried, that's fine, that's great.

1448
01:46:44.920 --> 01:46:46.320
Just because you got divorced

1449
01:46:46.320 --> 01:46:48.180
doesn't mean you have to change your name

1450
01:46:48.180 --> 01:46:49.400
back to what it was.

1451
01:46:49.620 --> 01:46:50.960
I did the same thing.

1452
01:46:50.960 --> 01:46:52.520
I had my name as Stanko,

1453
01:46:52.620 --> 01:46:54.840
that's what my former married name was.

1454
01:46:55.240 --> 01:46:59.340
And I kept it that way because I wanted my stepson

1455
01:46:59.340 --> 01:47:02.460
to be able to find me if that day in time ever came

1456
01:47:02.460 --> 01:47:03.360
and you all did.

1457
01:47:04.460 --> 01:47:08.360
And so I felt led to do that and that's what I walked in.

1458
01:47:09.240 --> 01:47:11.340
And then when I got married, I changed my name,

1459
01:47:11.680 --> 01:47:13.680
praise the Lord, I'm not a Stanko anymore, I'm a Cooper.

1460
01:47:14.080 --> 01:47:16.020
And I felt so good about that.

1461
01:47:17.040 --> 01:47:19.940
And my stepson is way beyond age

1462
01:47:19.940 --> 01:47:21.740
and he had made contact by that point.

1463
01:47:22.180 --> 01:47:24.360
And so I just wanna encourage you, Catherine,

1464
01:47:25.080 --> 01:47:28.200
to continue to stand in who you are called to be

1465
01:47:28.320 --> 01:47:29.980
and who God says you are

1466
01:47:29.980 --> 01:47:31.780
and the things he's leading you to do.

1467
01:47:32.260 --> 01:47:34.620
I'm sorry to hear that happened on your birthday.

1468
01:47:35.000 --> 01:47:36.300
I'm gonna encourage you though

1469
01:47:36.300 --> 01:47:39.120
to take your birthday back, okay?

1470
01:47:39.160 --> 01:47:40.800
So what I mean by that ladies

1471
01:47:40.800 --> 01:47:43.380
is we wanna reclaim territory.

1472
01:47:43.540 --> 01:47:45.380
We wanna reclaim these things.

1473
01:47:45.840 --> 01:47:49.380
And I understand, I understand why it can be triggering

1474
01:47:49.380 --> 01:47:52.000
in October, but you have a whole month of October

1475
01:47:52.040 --> 01:47:53.660
to celebrate yourself.

1476
01:47:53.820 --> 01:47:56.380
And so let's take this stuff back, ladies.

1477
01:47:56.500 --> 01:47:59.100
We don't gotta just sit down and be triggered

1478
01:47:59.100 --> 01:48:00.500
and unhappy the whole month

1479
01:48:00.500 --> 01:48:01.900
because of what someone did to us.

1480
01:48:01.940 --> 01:48:04.220
And I'm not minimizing anything that you've been through.

1481
01:48:04.260 --> 01:48:06.080
It sounds like you've been through a whole lot

1482
01:48:06.080 --> 01:48:08.100
and I'm so sorry about that.

1483
01:48:08.160 --> 01:48:09.600
But you know what?

1484
01:48:09.900 --> 01:48:14.040
The same truth of when we love ourselves really well,

1485
01:48:14.040 --> 01:48:15.720
we're gonna be able to love other people well.

1486
01:48:15.760 --> 01:48:17.760
So I wanna encourage you this month

1487
01:48:17.760 --> 01:48:20.800
to find some ways to like really just pray,

1488
01:48:20.940 --> 01:48:23.220
Lord, how can I reclaim October

1489
01:48:23.220 --> 01:48:25.720
to be a month that is full of life

1490
01:48:25.820 --> 01:48:27.760
and happiness for myself,

1491
01:48:27.760 --> 01:48:30.040
no matter what my ex says or does.

1492
01:48:30.100 --> 01:48:33.500
Y'all, I cannot tell you how many crazy text messages

1493
01:48:33.500 --> 01:48:36.840
I got from my ex-husband, emails out the wazoo.

1494
01:48:36.940 --> 01:48:40.680
I mean, that man used to send me so much crazy stuff.

1495
01:48:40.880 --> 01:48:43.780
Same thing with my spiritual daughter's dad.

1496
01:48:43.780 --> 01:48:44.960
And you know what?

1497
01:48:45.640 --> 01:48:47.700
I just quit responding, y'all.

1498
01:48:48.500 --> 01:48:51.940
If it wasn't about the girls, I didn't respond.

1499
01:48:52.220 --> 01:48:54.840
And sometimes he would even try to use that

1500
01:48:54.840 --> 01:48:56.000
to get his foot in the door

1501
01:48:56.000 --> 01:48:57.980
and just start saying all kinds of nonsense.

1502
01:48:58.420 --> 01:48:59.120
Well, guess what?

1503
01:48:59.640 --> 01:49:03.020
Soon as the nonsense started, see you later.

1504
01:49:03.640 --> 01:49:07.720
I don't gotta engage in that stuff and you don't either, okay?

1505
01:49:07.860 --> 01:49:11.120
And so I had to make those choices to not engage

1506
01:49:11.120 --> 01:49:13.700
and really protect my mind and my heart.

1507
01:49:14.600 --> 01:49:17.400
And yeah, I reclaimed New York

1508
01:49:18.000 --> 01:49:20.440
because I went there and had an amazing time.

1509
01:49:20.600 --> 01:49:22.740
He went there to try to hook up with some lady

1510
01:49:22.800 --> 01:49:24.340
and then I found out about it.

1511
01:49:24.440 --> 01:49:27.620
And so for years, I never wore my I love New York T-shirt.

1512
01:49:28.020 --> 01:49:29.940
And then one day the Lord was like,

1513
01:49:31.300 --> 01:49:32.300
why aren't you wearing that?

1514
01:49:32.540 --> 01:49:33.640
Literally, the Lord's just like,

1515
01:49:33.780 --> 01:49:34.580
why aren't you wearing that?

1516
01:49:35.100 --> 01:49:38.120
And I'm like, well, Lord, he took that from me.

1517
01:49:38.120 --> 01:49:40.920
And the Lord said to me, take it back.

1518
01:49:41.580 --> 01:49:43.800
That's exactly what the Holy Spirit said to me.

1519
01:49:43.800 --> 01:49:46.200
Take it back, take it back.

1520
01:49:46.280 --> 01:49:48.100
I had an amazing time in New York.

1521
01:49:48.160 --> 01:49:49.580
So why did I let that guy

1522
01:49:49.900 --> 01:49:52.240
and his foolishness take that from me?

1523
01:49:52.280 --> 01:49:54.620
So I started wearing that shirt again

1524
01:49:54.640 --> 01:49:57.720
and I started celebrating the fun time I had there

1525
01:49:57.720 --> 01:49:58.900
and standing in that.

1526
01:49:59.000 --> 01:49:59.980
And so ladies.

1527
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.000
Sometimes we got to go and, you know, go back and reclaim the territory.

1528
01:50:04.280 --> 01:50:05.440
Go do some fun things.

1529
01:50:05.540 --> 01:50:07.480
So I really want you to pray into that, Catherine.

1530
01:50:07.620 --> 01:50:09.440
It doesn't have to cost a lot of money either.

1531
01:50:10.880 --> 01:50:12.980
Maybe go to a new place that you've never been.

1532
01:50:13.240 --> 01:50:19.140
Maybe go, um, you know, try on some fun dresses and, and really just

1533
01:50:19.200 --> 01:50:21.500
allow yourself to feel celebrated.

1534
01:50:21.880 --> 01:50:26.140
Um, one of the things I did when I was in my bootcamp and going through this

1535
01:50:26.140 --> 01:50:30.640
whole process of celebrating myself is I just started buying myself flowers

1536
01:50:30.640 --> 01:50:35.280
on a regular basis because I love flowers and it felt great.

1537
01:50:35.800 --> 01:50:39.020
And yes, you all, I was one of those people that, you know, the

1538
01:50:39.020 --> 01:50:40.840
guys would never send me flowers.

1539
01:50:40.940 --> 01:50:44.260
I'd be at work and these other, this one woman literally got

1540
01:50:44.260 --> 01:50:45.600
flowers every month, y'all.

1541
01:50:45.760 --> 01:50:46.580
It was like a dagger.

1542
01:50:46.860 --> 01:50:47.640
It was like torture.

1543
01:50:48.500 --> 01:50:52.220
And every time she would get them, the enemy be like, you never get flowers.

1544
01:50:52.960 --> 01:50:53.440
Literally.

1545
01:50:53.460 --> 01:50:55.700
I can't tell you how many times the enemy would say that to me.

1546
01:50:56.140 --> 01:51:00.980
And so, um, then when I would get them, it would be because they did something

1547
01:51:00.980 --> 01:51:02.980
wrong, so that made it even worse.

1548
01:51:04.220 --> 01:51:05.280
And guess what?

1549
01:51:05.680 --> 01:51:09.680
When I started buying myself flowers, I was like, you know what?

1550
01:51:09.720 --> 01:51:10.780
This is pretty awesome.

1551
01:51:11.020 --> 01:51:12.200
I like myself.

1552
01:51:12.400 --> 01:51:14.060
I feel good about these flowers.

1553
01:51:14.320 --> 01:51:17.700
And I just started reclaiming all of that.

1554
01:51:17.800 --> 01:51:18.880
And you know what?

1555
01:51:19.580 --> 01:51:19.900
Guess what?

1556
01:51:19.960 --> 01:51:23.480
One of the first things Brian brought me, one of the first gifts he

1557
01:51:23.480 --> 01:51:24.880
brought me when we were dating.

1558
01:51:25.600 --> 01:51:29.920
This really beautiful bundle of flowers, you all.

1559
01:51:30.960 --> 01:51:36.620
So I just want you to know what, how we treat ourselves can set the groundwork

1560
01:51:36.620 --> 01:51:41.340
for how someone else will hopefully treat us in the future and so love

1561
01:51:41.340 --> 01:51:45.800
yourself really well, Catherine this month, take some, if you need to take

1562
01:51:45.800 --> 01:51:50.520
some bubble baths, have a friend come over and watch your son, get some

1563
01:51:50.620 --> 01:51:56.280
candles out, take a really nice, like sudsy bath, really relaxed ladies.

1564
01:51:56.940 --> 01:51:59.080
Again, it's about us.

1565
01:51:59.240 --> 01:52:01.700
Like what makes us feel safe?

1566
01:52:01.700 --> 01:52:03.160
What makes us feel happy?

1567
01:52:03.420 --> 01:52:04.740
What makes us feel loved?

1568
01:52:05.040 --> 01:52:08.760
What makes us feel celebrated and doing those things.

1569
01:52:09.460 --> 01:52:13.640
So maybe your thing isn't candles on, but that was something that I, that was

1570
01:52:13.640 --> 01:52:18.560
something I did because I felt so at peace and restful when I would do that.

1571
01:52:18.560 --> 01:52:23.760
And I'd play music and calming, but yeah, pray and see what that is for

1572
01:52:23.760 --> 01:52:25.360
you and take some steps into that.

1573
01:52:26.420 --> 01:52:31.260
I mean, even as we're talking and like all of this, like, I just feel like

1574
01:52:31.260 --> 01:52:35.400
this strong desire, cause it's like, I mean, I'm declaring, like, there's

1575
01:52:35.400 --> 01:52:39.140
a reason I'm here in, in the program, in, in the program.

1576
01:52:39.140 --> 01:52:44.500
And like, I really do believe God has my spirit made through this.

1577
01:52:45.340 --> 01:52:50.660
And I picture, I picture how caverns in my head, because I now live near how

1578
01:52:50.720 --> 01:52:55.780
caverns, because I moved up here in the summer and there's that heart shaped

1579
01:52:55.780 --> 01:53:00.020
stone, and then there's always that story with the Tory guy, if you're not

1580
01:53:00.020 --> 01:53:03.160
married, you step on the heart, you're married in a year, if you're married,

1581
01:53:03.240 --> 01:53:04.360
you get a second honeymoon.

1582
01:53:04.420 --> 01:53:06.520
And I'm like, my son's never been.

1583
01:53:07.180 --> 01:53:12.220
So I feel like I got to go there and step on that heart in October.

1584
01:53:12.220 --> 01:53:15.080
I'm thinking like, I do have to go this month and claim it back.

1585
01:53:15.240 --> 01:53:15.600
That's true.

1586
01:53:15.600 --> 01:53:16.460
I think you should.

1587
01:53:16.820 --> 01:53:17.840
I think you should now ladies.

1588
01:53:17.980 --> 01:53:18.220
Okay.

1589
01:53:18.220 --> 01:53:19.480
Here, let me just say this.

1590
01:53:19.720 --> 01:53:22.400
This is about activating her faith.

1591
01:53:22.540 --> 01:53:24.980
So I think you are hearing that from the Lord.

1592
01:53:24.980 --> 01:53:28.840
I think that you should go and activate your faith, but don't put a lot of

1593
01:53:28.840 --> 01:53:31.880
pressure on yourself that it has to happen in a certain timeframe.

1594
01:53:32.080 --> 01:53:32.520
Okay.

1595
01:53:32.820 --> 01:53:36.500
Of course we believe this is your all's last year single, but it's not so much

1596
01:53:36.500 --> 01:53:39.560
about finishing the program and meeting someone and getting married in the year.

1597
01:53:39.560 --> 01:53:44.260
This is about what is your process and what is God trying to bring breakthrough

1598
01:53:44.260 --> 01:53:46.240
and freedom and bring you into healing.

1599
01:53:46.280 --> 01:53:52.080
And so I totally think you should take your son and go explore that area and

1600
01:53:52.080 --> 01:53:56.660
have some fun and really embrace what God is even doing in you tonight through,

1601
01:53:57.200 --> 01:53:57.960
through what you've shared.

1602
01:53:58.740 --> 01:54:03.020
Um, you know, and just pray more into again this month, like how can I love

1603
01:54:03.020 --> 01:54:03.480
myself?

1604
01:54:03.760 --> 01:54:06.380
Well, how can I celebrate who I am?

1605
01:54:06.420 --> 01:54:08.140
God, you created me.

1606
01:54:08.200 --> 01:54:09.080
You formed me.

1607
01:54:09.080 --> 01:54:10.280
You didn't mess up.

1608
01:54:10.320 --> 01:54:14.080
You have good plans for me, you know, where you're really just partnering

1609
01:54:14.200 --> 01:54:15.780
with all of those truths.

1610
01:54:15.780 --> 01:54:17.780
It's, it's really transformative ladies.

1611
01:54:17.860 --> 01:54:20.080
When we do this, it really, really is.

1612
01:54:20.440 --> 01:54:23.220
All right, ladies, Catherine, thanks again for sharing.

1613
01:54:23.420 --> 01:54:28.120
I'm going to go ahead and pray us out and really pray a blessing as we close

1614
01:54:28.120 --> 01:54:28.420
father.

1615
01:54:28.660 --> 01:54:32.560
Thank you so much for everything that you've done in our lives tonight.

1616
01:54:32.700 --> 01:54:34.620
Thank you for those that are going to hear the replay.

1617
01:54:35.000 --> 01:54:37.440
Um, and just God, thank you for breakthrough.

1618
01:54:37.440 --> 01:54:40.640
Thank you for liberation and freedom for the captives.

1619
01:54:41.220 --> 01:54:44.140
God, where there's been weights of heaviness and oppression and

1620
01:54:44.160 --> 01:54:45.680
discouragement on any of us.

1621
01:54:46.020 --> 01:54:49.120
God, we thank you right now that you'll break those in the spirit realm.

1622
01:54:49.340 --> 01:54:51.080
God, that you'll do a supernatural work.

1623
01:54:51.240 --> 01:54:54.900
Even as we sleep, we thank you for the truth that you are the great physician.

1624
01:54:55.220 --> 01:54:56.460
Nothing is too hard for you.

1625
01:54:56.940 --> 01:54:59.920
We thank you that you would breathe life into the plans.

1626
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:01.940
the promises that you have for us, Lord,

1627
01:55:02.020 --> 01:55:05.040
where we tend to struggle with doubt or unbelief, God,

1628
01:55:05.040 --> 01:55:07.660
we thank you for a fresh impartation of faith.

1629
01:55:08.020 --> 01:55:11.760
We thank you, God, for coming into every area

1630
01:55:11.760 --> 01:55:13.700
where there's brokenness, where there's pain,

1631
01:55:13.760 --> 01:55:16.820
God, and bringing light and healing and grace,

1632
01:55:17.400 --> 01:55:20.080
God, that we would be so rooted and grounded in your love

1633
01:55:20.080 --> 01:55:23.420
that we would overflow with it onto other people

1634
01:55:23.420 --> 01:55:25.180
and that it would organically happen,

1635
01:55:25.220 --> 01:55:27.340
that people around us would be like,

1636
01:55:27.340 --> 01:55:28.580
hey, what's going on with you?

1637
01:55:28.800 --> 01:55:30.580
I noticed something's different, God,

1638
01:55:30.700 --> 01:55:34.300
because your glory would be shining in us and through us

1639
01:55:34.560 --> 01:55:36.200
to all of those around us.

1640
01:55:36.400 --> 01:55:38.620
We thank you for transforming us and healing us

1641
01:55:38.620 --> 01:55:40.380
from the inside out, God,

1642
01:55:40.540 --> 01:55:42.860
and leading us into wide open spaces,

1643
01:55:42.980 --> 01:55:45.280
into all the new things that you have for us.

1644
01:55:45.720 --> 01:55:47.720
Help us to receive it all with joy, Lord,

1645
01:55:47.820 --> 01:55:50.780
in Jesus' name, amen, amen.

1646
01:55:51.140 --> 01:55:51.920
God bless you all.

1647
01:55:51.960 --> 01:55:52.920
We'll see you in the group.

1648
01:55:52.980 --> 01:55:54.620
I hope you guys have a great night.

1649
01:55:54.940 --> 01:55:55.260
Bye-bye.

1650
01:55:55.260 --> 01:55:55.600
Bye.