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All right, welcome, ladies.

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I see a bunch of people logging in right now, so I'm just going to welcome you as you all

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are signing in.

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Today is October 21st, 2025.

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This is your 1 o'clock Eastern heart check-in here with Love Story Accelerator.

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I'm Carla Johnson.

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I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year Single.

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Do we have any newbies here?

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Dana, I don't know if I recognize that name.

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Are you new to phase two here with us?

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I have attended, I think, one meeting previously a long time ago.

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Awesome.

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Well, we're glad to have you and good to see you.

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All right, a couple of other girls are here as well.

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Well, I don't have a whole lot of new...

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I don't really have anything new housekeeping-wise.

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I should be able to get through that fairly quickly today, and then we can jump into your

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questions.

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I see both Kims are with us today.

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I got my girl, Lori.

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Hannah, I think I've been messaging with you this morning.

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It's good to see you.

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If you ladies are able to come on camera, I'd love for you to be able to do that.

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I got Carol Jean coming on.

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Okay, yep.

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We're at lunch hour.

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Totally got it.

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Yes, yes, yes.

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So, yes.

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We have the anniversary party coming up this coming Sunday.

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Is anybody going to be able to come to that that's on live with me right now?

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Do I have anybody?

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Anybody able to come to that?

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Mika, nice to see you.

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Hi, nice to see you guys as well.

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I don't think I have anybody that's on with me right now that's going to be able to be

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at the anniversary party.

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I do know there are some Phase 2 ladies that are going to be there.

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So, I'm excited to see you all.

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I'm excited for it.

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It's going to be a good time.

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So, if you are there, if you're watching this in replay, don't be shy.

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Come say hello.

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I want to meet you all in person.

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Okay.

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All right.

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So, yeah, we got that coming up.

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Y'all are doing an awesome job when you're posting and replying to us.

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You're not replying to our comments.

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Instead, you're replying to the posts.

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Continue to do that.

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Do I have anybody here that is waiting on a response from a coach?

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I think I've swept through that app and I've gotten to just about everybody.

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I know there was like a glitch for a moment where I don't think we were seeing posts,

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but I think we've gotten them all.

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So, if we have missed you, please, please, please let me know.

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I want to make sure that we're responding to you.

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We do our very best to try to get to you all within a 24-hour time period,

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if not sooner.

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Weekends are a little more challenging for all of us coaches,

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so just keep that in mind.

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But Monday through Friday, we do try to get in there at least a couple times a day

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between myself and Ebony.

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So, if you don't hear from us within a day or two,

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just don't hesitate to throw up another message just in case somehow it's,

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like, gone missing.

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All right?

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We're not ignoring you.

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We just sometimes don't see them.

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So, yeah, keep doing what you're doing there because I think that's working.

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I think that's what kind of was holding up some of the responses.

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Don't forget to watch our calls and replay.

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If you are not able to come to both, we do record and post both of them now.

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I know, like, last year we were only recording one and posting one,

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but now we record both and post both,

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because we really do just get a lot of y'all's feedback and your questions,

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and we kind of do our teaching from that,

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whereas before we were kind of just chunking the content

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and teaching from the content,

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but we had a lot of questions that were able to really teach a lot of the

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content from your questions, so it actually works out that way.

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So just know that your sisters are coming in and asking questions,

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and somebody could be asking a question that will relate to what you're

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experiencing in an 8 o'clock where maybe they didn't come to the 1 o'clock

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and ask that question and vice versa.

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So if you can come to both sessions, awesome.

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If you can't come to either, watch them and replay.

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If you can come to one, but can't make the other,

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watch the other and replay.

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It's always, always good.

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Definitely make sure you're watching one video a week.

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Don't rush through the program, ladies, okay?

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You will do yourself a disservice if you do, all right?

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A lot of my ladies that come into phase two

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that might've rushed through phase one

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will start recognizing,

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well, maybe I shouldn't have jumped ship

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in a month or two from phase one,

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once they get to phase two,

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because they're like, wait,

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I don't know if I'm ready for this dating thing yet.

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But don't worry if you did jump ship,

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we still do heartwork here, all right?

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So we still take heartwork questions.

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You will see me unpack a lot of heartwork stuff

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with a lot of the ladies here in phase two,

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because believe it or not,

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the dating stuff will surface heartwork stuff, okay?

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I'm one of your coaches here.

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I've been in the program.

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I joined Jackie five years ago, believe it or not.

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I can't believe we're celebrating five years.

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I cannot believe it's been five years,

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but I am one of the success stories, okay?

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It took me a while, not to scare any of you off,

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but it took me a hot minute,

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but once I did surrender the pen

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and release a lot to the Lord,

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things did begin moving and accelerating for me.

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I've been married now a little over two years.

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My husband and I are blending a family.

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I came with my own biological son.

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He came with two children as well.

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So we are blending, we're blending.

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There's heartwork there.

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So just know heartwork doesn't stop.

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So that's why, just know I'm your coach

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that will take you through the heartwork, okay?

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Cause I want you fully prepared, okay?

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That is what this season is.

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It is to prepare you for marriage, okay?

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The single season, I know we're like, okay,

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we're ready to be out of it.

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God bring me my husband,

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but don't neglect this season either

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because it is a preparation season, okay?

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And I know that's not what we all wanna hear.

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Trust me, I didn't get engaged until I literally was 40.

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My husband proposed to me on my 40th birthday.

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I'd never been married before, okay?

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And I was just like, when's it gonna happen?

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Let it happen, okay?

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So I get it.

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I know like when we're sitting here,

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we're waiting, we're waiting, we're waiting.

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We feel like, is it gonna happen?

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When's it gonna happen?

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Everything's gonna be better when it happens.

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And I'm not saying that it's not great when it happens,

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but again, there's layers of things

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and God's timing is perfect

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and he wants you healed first and foremost,

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but it doesn't mean that you're fully healed

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until you get into marriage

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because there's constantly just healing

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that just will always take place

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and growth and all that stuff.

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And it's good and it's awesome,

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but it's a roller coaster at times,

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but the hard work, the more you work at it,

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the easier it gets

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and the glory of God is just perfect and it's awesome.

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So rest assured, okay?

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So just know, hard work never stops.

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You can ask all your hard work questions here.

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I've been in it, through it,

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single, engaged, married, blending.

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I've been through all the hard work stuff, okay?

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So ask me your hard work questions.

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Ask me your dating questions.

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I will work you through it, okay?

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So yes, you don't have single city groups

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because you don't have Facebook.

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Facebook is not required for phase three.

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We still have the app for phase three, okay?

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It's just another tool that we use.

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The Facebook for phase three,

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we kept it when we incorporated the app

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because our app does not have that feature

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where we can connect as easily with each other

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the way Facebook does,

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where you can friend requests,

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where you can message each other in Facebook.

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We don't have that feature in the app.

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I know that's something that's been a work in progress.

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I do not know where we're at with that in the app.

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I'm not on that side of the team,

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but that's why we have the Facebook in phase three

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because it is a bigger community, okay?

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We're a little bit small.

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smaller here in phase two, that literally is for you ladies,

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because as you are jumping into the dating pool

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and you're starting to date differently

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now that you've gotten heartwork,

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we understand the value of having more one-on-one coaching.

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And while we do offer one-on-one coaching,

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we don't offer it, it is at an additional cost.

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So we have this smaller phase to allow you the opportunity

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to come to a smaller group,

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to give you the opportunity to ask us questions,

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to receive a little bit more

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of a one-on-one coaching experience

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for a shorter amount of time, if that makes sense.

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Okay, whereas we have the phase three,

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which is a bigger group,

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where you just may not always have the opportunity

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to have your question answered.

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Does that make sense?

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Okay, because there's hundreds of us

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in the community for phase three,

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where typically on these calls,

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I think right now we've got, how many do we have?

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Let me see here.

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For some reason, it doesn't always show me.

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I have 15 of you, okay?

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Where if, when you're in phase three,

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there's oftentimes around a hundred or more.

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And if you ever are on our prayer calls,

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there's typically a couple hundred

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or Supernatural Saturday, there's a couple hundred.

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I mean, we have close to a thousand,

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I think in our community.

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So not everybody is on there at the same time.

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That's why we have things in replay

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because people don't always have the same schedules,

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but this phase is meant to be a little bit smaller

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as you ladies are getting on those dates

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after being kind of on sabbatical, if you will,

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as you've been working on hard work, okay?

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So just keep that in mind, all right?

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So the phase three has the Facebook

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because there's more of you,

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and a lot of you ladies like to be connected.

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You like to be able to get together, meet up,

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like that's what those single cities are for.

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That was one of the benefits when I was in community

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is that we were a much smaller community then,

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and it's just grown bigger.

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But a lot of us, we just were connected

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from all over the country, all over the world.

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We built friendships.

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When we travel, we ended up like connecting

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and seeing each other.

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I mean, I have girls from all over the country.

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One girl actually got engaged, she lives in Australia.

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She and her husband actually came over to the States,

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got married in Austin, Texas.

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In fact, Jackie officiated their wedding.

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Jackie officiated my wedding.

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My husband and I drove down to Austin from Dallas

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to attend her wedding.

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And so she lives in Australia.

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So like we have connections in Australia all over.

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We have ladies all over the world, all over the continent.

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So we do have that, like Facebook does allow us

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to be able to connect in that way.

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So that is kind of one of the benefits

259
00:13:24.100 --> 00:13:27.600
of being able to have Facebook, but we still have the app.

260
00:13:27.700 --> 00:13:30.360
So you don't necessarily have to have Facebook

261
00:13:30.680 --> 00:13:32.620
in order to be in this community.

262
00:13:33.000 --> 00:13:35.520
So that's kind of the long answer, Carol Jean,

263
00:13:35.940 --> 00:13:36.800
to your question.

264
00:13:37.360 --> 00:13:40.460
So don't feel like you're forced to have Facebook, okay?

265
00:13:41.280 --> 00:13:43.980
But if you still wanna stay connected

266
00:13:43.980 --> 00:13:45.800
and you want to connect with people,

267
00:13:46.540 --> 00:13:49.080
just post your information, okay?

268
00:13:49.080 --> 00:13:51.660
So that ladies can see, hey, you're in Orlando.

269
00:13:51.800 --> 00:13:54.000
I know I came from Sarasota, Florida.

270
00:13:54.200 --> 00:13:55.780
So we have ladies in Tampa.

271
00:13:56.120 --> 00:13:58.540
I know there's a couple ladies still in Sarasota area.

272
00:13:59.220 --> 00:14:02.120
One lady actually, we just coached a few months ago.

273
00:14:02.280 --> 00:14:03.260
She was in our phase.

274
00:14:04.020 --> 00:14:04.800
She's in Sarasota.

275
00:14:06.680 --> 00:14:08.120
And then there's some in Tampa.

276
00:14:08.200 --> 00:14:10.020
I know there's a handful in Orlando.

277
00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:12.180
We actually just had one girl get married.

278
00:14:12.740 --> 00:14:16.300
She was in Orlando and she moved to Alabama.

279
00:14:17.640 --> 00:14:19.380
I think it's Alabama, Ann Marie.

280
00:14:19.600 --> 00:14:22.500
So she's been in our community for a couple of years.

281
00:14:22.800 --> 00:14:25.000
So there's a lot of people in that Florida area.

282
00:14:25.140 --> 00:14:27.120
So if you just put up your information

283
00:14:27.300 --> 00:14:29.420
and your contact, your email, whatever,

284
00:14:29.840 --> 00:14:31.800
you can get connected to a lot of the ladies

285
00:14:32.640 --> 00:14:34.340
in our community as well.

286
00:14:34.600 --> 00:14:36.580
So it's definitely a benefit.

287
00:14:37.100 --> 00:14:39.860
You can make lifelong friends here.

288
00:14:40.500 --> 00:14:42.720
It's definitely something that I've benefited from.

289
00:14:43.060 --> 00:14:45.300
Like I said, I've got a lot of the ladies

290
00:14:45.400 --> 00:14:48.640
that I met in this community were in my wedding,

291
00:14:50.100 --> 00:14:50.100


292
00:14:51.500 --> 00:14:53.780
So it's just nice to have community

293
00:14:54.060 --> 00:14:55.860
that has been in this program,

294
00:14:56.060 --> 00:14:57.700
that knows what this program is all about.

295
00:14:58.300 --> 00:14:59.900
So that when y'all are, you know,

296
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:08.060
dating or struggling with dating, you have each other to pray for and to lean on and

297
00:15:08.060 --> 00:15:10.140
to lift each other up, okay?

298
00:15:10.140 --> 00:15:18.000
So that's my encouragement for you all, is use this community as a sisterhood to connect

299
00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:18.460
with.

300
00:15:19.220 --> 00:15:19.500
Cool?

301
00:15:21.720 --> 00:15:22.160
Awesome.

302
00:15:22.720 --> 00:15:27.400
Okay, ladies, I'm going to go ahead and pray for us and then I'm going to open the floor

303
00:15:27.400 --> 00:15:28.900
up to y'all's questions.

304
00:15:29.860 --> 00:15:33.160
So we've got 16 of you on now, that's good.

305
00:15:33.400 --> 00:15:37.640
I like to always try to hit for at least 20, 20 of y'all.

306
00:15:37.980 --> 00:15:43.760
I know this daytime one is not as busy because we're in the middle of the day and I know

307
00:15:43.760 --> 00:15:50.200
a lot of people are working and so we are at all different time zones and things of

308
00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:50.740
that nature.

309
00:15:51.880 --> 00:15:56.260
But I like to encourage y'all to come to this one if you can because we have a lot more

310
00:15:56.260 --> 00:15:59.160
of you coming to that eight o'clock one because most of y'all work.

311
00:15:59.640 --> 00:16:05.420
But I know not everyone can get their questions answered in the evenings as easily as they

312
00:16:05.420 --> 00:16:06.500
can on this call.

313
00:16:07.040 --> 00:16:12.200
So that's why if you know you have a question and want your question answered, I usually

314
00:16:12.200 --> 00:16:17.600
can get to you on this call where we might not be able to get to you in the evening because

315
00:16:17.600 --> 00:16:19.720
there's a lot more women on that one, okay?

316
00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:24.100
So all right, let's go ahead and pray and then I got four hands up, so that's good.

317
00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:24.920
All right.

318
00:16:24.920 --> 00:16:26.180
Heavenly Father, I just thank you.

319
00:16:27.300 --> 00:16:28.720
I thank you for this community of women.

320
00:16:29.620 --> 00:16:30.720
I thank you for Jackie and David.

321
00:16:30.880 --> 00:16:32.680
I just thank you for their ministry.

322
00:16:33.040 --> 00:16:40.140
I thank you for their dedication and their obedience to just follow what you've asked

323
00:16:40.140 --> 00:16:40.880
them to do, Lord.

324
00:16:42.660 --> 00:16:47.520
You know, we're going on five years and I just, I know I wouldn't be where I'm at if

325
00:16:47.520 --> 00:16:52.520
it wasn't for their obedience to what you've put on their heart and I just thank you for

326
00:16:52.520 --> 00:16:52.820
that.

327
00:16:53.820 --> 00:17:00.440
And I thank you for the opportunity to come here and just, you know, be able to pour into

328
00:17:00.440 --> 00:17:06.300
all these women here, to share my testimony, to be an encouragement to all the ladies here

329
00:17:06.300 --> 00:17:14.319
and to be able to pray in and speak life over their marriages and to give them hope and

330
00:17:14.319 --> 00:17:23.980
just encouragement and just to be able to lift them up and to know that I've walked

331
00:17:23.980 --> 00:17:28.720
the same walk that they've walked in and that your promises are good.

332
00:17:30.040 --> 00:17:34.340
And even in those moments where it doesn't feel like it is, where you're just not sure

333
00:17:34.340 --> 00:17:39.860
that it's actually going to happen, but that, you know, we're here to come alongside them

334
00:17:40.500 --> 00:17:48.460
to remind them that, you know, your promises are good and you will fulfill every promise

335
00:17:48.460 --> 00:17:53.940
that you've made, that you don't turn void on any of your promises.

336
00:17:55.540 --> 00:18:01.660
And Lord, I just, you know, I just speak life and breath over them and fill them with that

337
00:18:01.660 --> 00:18:07.240
hope and that encouragement and to give them the strength to continue to press forward

338
00:18:07.960 --> 00:18:10.100
and to fill them with that hope.

339
00:18:11.320 --> 00:18:17.640
Lord, just to, again, just to remind them that nothing is impossible for you, nothing.

340
00:18:18.180 --> 00:18:24.460
When it feels impossible for us, it's not impossible for you, that we can surrender

341
00:18:24.720 --> 00:18:36.080
the hard to you, that you care for us, that you love us, that there's nothing too difficult.

342
00:18:37.900 --> 00:18:39.940
That we can be vulnerable with you, Lord.

343
00:18:42.440 --> 00:18:52.240
That anything that worries us, concerns us, scares us, makes us fearful, that we know

344
00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:58.020
that's not from you, but that we can lay it at your feet and you will bear that burden.

345
00:18:59.300 --> 00:19:05.700
That you already know what we're dealing with and you already got those answers for us.

346
00:19:06.780 --> 00:19:12.760
That you want marriage more for us than we want it, but you also want us healed.

347
00:19:14.380 --> 00:19:21.460
Lord, I ask that you allow these ladies to surrender that healing to you, to place that

348
00:19:21.460 --> 00:19:22.500
in your hands, Lord.

349
00:19:24.840 --> 00:19:30.620
That once that healing comes, Lord, and once that surrender happens, that you may supernaturally

350
00:19:31.200 --> 00:19:32.720
accelerate their love stories.

351
00:19:35.700 --> 00:19:43.940
Allow them to trust that you have their best interest at heart.

352
00:19:44.740 --> 00:19:52.920
You're a good father and you are going to restore all the lies, all that's been stolen,

353
00:19:54.340 --> 00:19:56.580
and you will repay it back.

354
00:19:58.240 --> 00:19:59.600
Lord, that there is a refund.

355
00:20:02.240 --> 00:20:03.900
It is theirs, Lord.

356
00:20:04.920 --> 00:20:07.740
The enemy cannot take what has been stolen.

357
00:20:10.320 --> 00:20:11.380
That's what's been given.

358
00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:14.900
He can't steal what you have already given to them.

359
00:20:15.660 --> 00:20:25.260
And those promises you've given them, Lord, I just ask you to be with them.

360
00:20:25.800 --> 00:20:28.100
Let's open up our call today.

361
00:20:28.620 --> 00:20:30.080
Let's just share wisdom.

362
00:20:30.360 --> 00:20:31.100
Let's have fun.

363
00:20:31.860 --> 00:20:32.880
Let's share our hearts.

364
00:20:33.980 --> 00:20:37.240
Let's be open to what you want us to receive, Lord.

365
00:20:38.680 --> 00:20:46.520
I pray for breakthrough and healing and laughter and joy and absolute

366
00:20:46.520 --> 00:20:47.960
supernatural hope, Lord.

367
00:20:48.500 --> 00:20:51.280
In your son's name, amen.

368
00:20:53.060 --> 00:20:54.400
All right.

369
00:20:55.300 --> 00:20:55.720
All right.

370
00:20:55.720 --> 00:20:57.200
I got four ladies up.

371
00:20:57.200 --> 00:21:00.480
OK, I got Lori, Mika, Leah, and Kim.

372
00:21:01.300 --> 00:21:01.700
All right.

373
00:21:01.840 --> 00:21:02.580
I apologize.

374
00:21:02.740 --> 00:21:05.700
My voice, my mouth is always so dry.

375
00:21:07.940 --> 00:21:08.880
All right, Lori.

376
00:21:09.680 --> 00:21:10.660
How's it going?

377
00:21:10.980 --> 00:21:11.660
How are you doing?

378
00:21:13.900 --> 00:21:14.680
Hey, Carla.

379
00:21:15.620 --> 00:21:18.780
OK, so I had two video dates this weekend.

380
00:21:19.960 --> 00:21:22.780
And one I didn't care for, and the other one

381
00:21:22.780 --> 00:21:24.960
was the one I talked about last week.

382
00:21:25.720 --> 00:21:30.920
And this was a guy that his name is Ramesh.

383
00:21:31.640 --> 00:21:36.940
And we had like a, like I was really intimidated because he's

384
00:21:36.940 --> 00:21:39.000
very high profile in business.

385
00:21:39.720 --> 00:21:46.420
But he was actually super warm and really a delightful gentleman.

386
00:21:47.180 --> 00:21:49.300
And so that was good.

387
00:21:49.300 --> 00:21:52.740
And it was about 40 minutes maybe that we chatted.

388
00:21:53.500 --> 00:21:59.580
Did have some like anxiety when he said he needed to go

389
00:21:59.580 --> 00:22:01.580
or like, you know, this is good.

390
00:22:01.580 --> 00:22:02.600
You know, enjoyed this.

391
00:22:02.680 --> 00:22:04.020
But he said, I'd like to do this.

392
00:22:04.140 --> 00:22:05.520
I'd like to get to know you.

393
00:22:06.240 --> 00:22:06.260
OK.

394
00:22:06.380 --> 00:22:07.500
Which was great.

395
00:22:09.920 --> 00:22:15.440
So anyway, the next, we messaged a few times after it maybe.

396
00:22:18.380 --> 00:22:19.460
Oh, gosh.

397
00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:22.260
Yeah, maybe just a few messages afterwards

398
00:22:22.780 --> 00:22:25.460
he sent a picture of his church service he was going to.

399
00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:28.340
I sent a picture of the beach that I was out walking at.

400
00:22:28.620 --> 00:22:30.060
It's just like, it was lovely to connect.

401
00:22:30.140 --> 00:22:30.720
So it was great.

402
00:22:30.940 --> 00:22:36.080
Like right after, right after, right after the call,

403
00:22:36.180 --> 00:22:36.620
he messaged.

404
00:22:36.980 --> 00:22:38.400
So that was like, I'm like, oh, my gosh.

405
00:22:38.400 --> 00:22:42.380
I just love somebody who just follows up and says something.

406
00:22:43.300 --> 00:22:47.200
And so it was just like, I just felt so much peace.

407
00:22:48.080 --> 00:22:54.780
The next day, he messaged, great sermon this morning.

408
00:22:55.220 --> 00:22:56.100
That was it.

409
00:22:56.440 --> 00:23:01.440
And this was like, so like before when we were like on Holy,

410
00:23:02.100 --> 00:23:05.940
it was sometimes he'd share some stuff.

411
00:23:06.100 --> 00:23:12.920
And sometimes it was real, you know, real just it

412
00:23:12.920 --> 00:23:15.520
felt like throwing facts over the fence at each other

413
00:23:15.520 --> 00:23:17.620
and didn't feel like a whole lot of emotional connection.

414
00:23:17.760 --> 00:23:19.720
So that's when I asked for a video date.

415
00:23:20.300 --> 00:23:21.100
Yeah, good.

416
00:23:21.760 --> 00:23:24.160
And now this other guy is messaging me

417
00:23:24.160 --> 00:23:25.700
that I don't want to talk to him.

418
00:23:25.700 --> 00:23:27.100
That's why I keep like doing this.

419
00:23:28.880 --> 00:23:35.480
So anyway, yeah, so it's like, I just want to, you know,

420
00:23:35.480 --> 00:23:36.740
I just said, hey, I know you're busy.

421
00:23:36.780 --> 00:23:38.480
When I messaged and asked for the video date,

422
00:23:38.580 --> 00:23:39.580
I said, hey, I know you're busy.

423
00:23:40.460 --> 00:23:42.640
Would love to hear, you know, and all the things.

424
00:23:42.820 --> 00:23:44.440
Let's bring you the most joy, whether it's

425
00:23:44.440 --> 00:23:46.740
in your work or with your kids or, you know,

426
00:23:46.740 --> 00:23:49.600
your new endeavor that you're going after.

427
00:23:51.100 --> 00:23:54.200
And so he immediately messaged back and said,

428
00:23:54.480 --> 00:23:56.300
yeah, Holy is another dating app.

429
00:23:56.820 --> 00:24:00.640
He immediately messaged back and gave me a date and a time.

430
00:24:01.220 --> 00:24:05.400
And I'm like, oh, man, that's what I'm used to.

431
00:24:05.700 --> 00:24:09.660
So like I just love, I think I love a bit of formality.

432
00:24:10.280 --> 00:24:13.260
And he was just like, I felt like I put myself out there,

433
00:24:13.260 --> 00:24:16.200
but he was just like right back on it.

434
00:24:16.240 --> 00:24:16.840
So it was great.

435
00:24:17.280 --> 00:24:19.620
So yesterday he messaged, great sermon.

436
00:24:20.540 --> 00:24:23.220
And I'm like, oh, no, we're not going back to this,

437
00:24:23.240 --> 00:24:25.060
like throwing facts of the fence thing.

438
00:24:25.360 --> 00:24:28.580
So, and then later in the day, and I said, great to hear,

439
00:24:28.720 --> 00:24:31.860
you know, you know, and just shared like a sentence

440
00:24:31.860 --> 00:24:33.860
about what our sermon was about.

441
00:24:34.560 --> 00:24:37.060
And he just liked it with a cross.

442
00:24:38.420 --> 00:24:41.220
And he was like, ask what I want prayer for.

443
00:24:41.220 --> 00:24:44.620
And then I'll send like a voice note of prayer.

444
00:24:44.900 --> 00:24:47.360
And I, so I'm like, oh gosh, you know,

445
00:24:47.360 --> 00:24:48.740
just being careful with that.

446
00:24:48.900 --> 00:24:49.560
And I sent a prayer.

447
00:24:49.580 --> 00:24:50.780
Yeah, definitely be careful with that.

448
00:24:50.860 --> 00:24:53.020
I sent a prayer back, but I felt like.

449
00:24:54.080 --> 00:24:54.500
Question.

450
00:24:54.620 --> 00:24:59.980
So anyway, when he said great sermon, what, what.

451
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.080
could you have done to respond to him,

452
00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:03.580
to maybe pull more out of him?

453
00:25:03.960 --> 00:25:04.520
Okay.

454
00:25:04.780 --> 00:25:06.620
Oh, what did you love about it?

455
00:25:06.920 --> 00:25:08.580
Well, yeah, there you go.

456
00:25:08.620 --> 00:25:09.240
Yeah.

457
00:25:09.240 --> 00:25:11.940
Do you see how sometimes, like,

458
00:25:11.940 --> 00:25:14.980
you can try to pull things out

459
00:25:14.980 --> 00:25:17.380
to kind of keep that conversation going?

460
00:25:17.400 --> 00:25:21.240
Because ladies, guys are not always great texters.

461
00:25:21.500 --> 00:25:23.080
Yeah, he was very,

462
00:25:23.120 --> 00:25:26.700
he was very communicative and warm

463
00:25:28.600 --> 00:25:30.180
with the conversation.

464
00:25:30.400 --> 00:25:32.000
I'm like, oh, wow.

465
00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:32.640
Like he just-

466
00:25:32.640 --> 00:25:33.520
So when you're on video chat?

467
00:25:33.960 --> 00:25:34.400
Yeah.

468
00:25:34.840 --> 00:25:35.300
Yeah.

469
00:25:35.400 --> 00:25:37.540
Okay, so then last night-

470
00:25:37.540 --> 00:25:40.620
Yeah, so maybe, you know, ask that question.

471
00:25:40.920 --> 00:25:42.240
Awesome, well, what was great about it?

472
00:25:42.240 --> 00:25:43.860
Like, what did you get from it?

473
00:25:44.140 --> 00:25:44.280
Like-

474
00:25:44.280 --> 00:25:45.380
Yeah, I know, I don't know.

475
00:25:45.920 --> 00:25:46.000
It's a conversation.

476
00:25:46.080 --> 00:25:48.980
My heart just immediately went to, oh, that's it?

477
00:25:49.120 --> 00:25:51.060
Yeah, so let's not go there.

478
00:25:51.200 --> 00:25:53.960
So instead, like, okay, I don't want it to go there.

479
00:25:53.960 --> 00:25:58.680
So what can I do to maybe pull something else out?

480
00:25:59.260 --> 00:26:01.720
And then instead of it, again,

481
00:26:01.720 --> 00:26:03.880
so that we can get off the texting part,

482
00:26:05.480 --> 00:26:07.200
maybe he responds, be like,

483
00:26:07.300 --> 00:26:09.980
well, if you're free today or tomorrow,

484
00:26:10.300 --> 00:26:12.060
why don't we jump on another video call?

485
00:26:12.880 --> 00:26:15.100
Okay, so here's the thing.

486
00:26:15.320 --> 00:26:17.420
So then later that, so I just respond,

487
00:26:17.560 --> 00:26:19.600
you know, I didn't pull them out.

488
00:26:19.660 --> 00:26:21.600
I just responded with like,

489
00:26:21.600 --> 00:26:24.140
and they were just more statements.

490
00:26:24.500 --> 00:26:25.960
So I guess I'm doing it too,

491
00:26:26.260 --> 00:26:27.660
which is a really great point.

492
00:26:30.400 --> 00:26:33.220
Yeah, and interesting to explore the belief behind that

493
00:26:33.220 --> 00:26:36.020
of like, oh, he doesn't want to ask me any questions.

494
00:26:36.440 --> 00:26:40.200
So then he messaged Jen,

495
00:26:41.120 --> 00:26:48.920
Jen Johnson, like, he messaged a song to me,

496
00:26:48.940 --> 00:26:50.640
a battle, like a worship song.

497
00:26:51.400 --> 00:26:53.640
And so again, I had the same sort of like,

498
00:26:53.680 --> 00:26:56.340
oh, that's it, like, so it's really interesting.

499
00:26:56.940 --> 00:26:58.820
So anyway, I thought I'm gonna create-

500
00:26:58.820 --> 00:26:59.740
So what's your belief behind that?

501
00:26:59.800 --> 00:27:02.020
Like, what is the core belief behind this?

502
00:27:02.100 --> 00:27:06.200
Like, what's your anxious thought or concern?

503
00:27:06.480 --> 00:27:08.480
What's that thought that's replaying in your head?

504
00:27:08.520 --> 00:27:09.480
Like, what's the fear?

505
00:27:14.760 --> 00:27:18.320
It just feels lifeless.

506
00:27:18.400 --> 00:27:19.620
Like, you know, it's so funny.

507
00:27:19.620 --> 00:27:21.580
I didn't think, oh,

508
00:27:21.580 --> 00:27:24.340
I should like ask a question back about it,

509
00:27:24.340 --> 00:27:26.900
which is so silly, it's so basic.

510
00:27:27.060 --> 00:27:28.840
But anyway, so I thought,

511
00:27:29.180 --> 00:27:31.280
instead of like having this attitude,

512
00:27:31.380 --> 00:27:34.880
I would do what I would like to receive.

513
00:27:35.360 --> 00:27:38.140
So I just sent a quick voice note.

514
00:27:38.240 --> 00:27:41.220
And I said, hey, you know, thanks.

515
00:27:41.720 --> 00:27:42.260
I said, I had a,

516
00:27:42.660 --> 00:27:45.180
this was just 24 hours after our video chat.

517
00:27:45.180 --> 00:27:47.180
I said, hey, really,

518
00:27:47.940 --> 00:27:50.620
I said, I had a really chill day here,

519
00:27:50.900 --> 00:27:51.980
caught up with my sons.

520
00:27:52.340 --> 00:27:53.580
He went to F1 racing.

521
00:27:53.780 --> 00:27:54.880
He's really been into that.

522
00:27:55.360 --> 00:27:57.580
My other one caught up with a couple of days ago.

523
00:27:57.900 --> 00:28:01.260
He's out, you know, traveling national parks with his wife

524
00:28:01.860 --> 00:28:04.000
and just hit Grand Canyon.

525
00:28:04.440 --> 00:28:06.040
We'll soon hit, you know, Yosemite.

526
00:28:06.220 --> 00:28:07.820
So it's fun to follow along with them.

527
00:28:08.540 --> 00:28:11.360
And I said, otherwise, just a really chill day here.

528
00:28:11.400 --> 00:28:12.280
And to be honest with you,

529
00:28:12.280 --> 00:28:15.360
I didn't sleep at all the night, that night.

530
00:28:17.380 --> 00:28:18.460
After we talked,

531
00:28:18.680 --> 00:28:21.540
and I think I might've gotten caffeine from a coffee shop.

532
00:28:21.780 --> 00:28:25.080
So I don't, because I usually like sleep like a baby.

533
00:28:27.240 --> 00:28:29.620
But at any rate, yeah,

534
00:28:29.620 --> 00:28:31.440
just shared a little bit about the day.

535
00:28:31.440 --> 00:28:33.240
And I said, hey, thanks for sending that song.

536
00:28:33.720 --> 00:28:35.620
I said, that brings back really warm memories

537
00:28:35.620 --> 00:28:36.980
of my time at Bethel

538
00:28:38.260 --> 00:28:41.420
and actually streaming their service right now.

539
00:28:42.460 --> 00:28:45.160
And yeah, just really appreciate that

540
00:28:45.160 --> 00:28:46.760
and hope you're having a great day.

541
00:28:46.760 --> 00:28:48.260
And enjoy chatting with you.

542
00:28:48.460 --> 00:28:49.340
Would love to do it again

543
00:28:49.820 --> 00:28:51.220
and hope you have a great evening.

544
00:28:52.320 --> 00:28:52.320


545
00:28:53.780 --> 00:28:53.780


546
00:28:54.000 --> 00:28:57.560
It's been, so I thought I'm getting to,

547
00:28:58.640 --> 00:28:59.720
so I guess I did.

548
00:28:59.960 --> 00:29:01.000
I said, I'm gonna,

549
00:29:01.120 --> 00:29:04.520
I'm going to do what I would love to receive.

550
00:29:04.940 --> 00:29:06.440
But not like any weird.

551
00:29:07.280 --> 00:29:08.100
I love that.

552
00:29:08.320 --> 00:29:10.000
It all felt very lighthearted.

553
00:29:10.120 --> 00:29:12.380
I listened to it multiple times again.

554
00:29:12.400 --> 00:29:14.980
I'm like, even though I was also so tired,

555
00:29:15.120 --> 00:29:16.280
like ridiculously tired.

556
00:29:16.280 --> 00:29:18.100
So I'm like, anyway,

557
00:29:18.580 --> 00:29:20.600
then I'm like, I don't have to be perfect.

558
00:29:22.180 --> 00:29:24.080
I sat in the space of like,

559
00:29:24.620 --> 00:29:26.660
oh, he's just emotionally unavailable.

560
00:29:27.020 --> 00:29:29.560
And I'm like, well, no, I don't know.

561
00:29:29.920 --> 00:29:31.320
And so I'm just like, you know what?

562
00:29:31.480 --> 00:29:32.000
I don't have to define it.

563
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:33.500
And you don't even have to figure that out.

564
00:29:33.740 --> 00:29:34.460
I don't have to figure it out.

565
00:29:34.820 --> 00:29:35.620
You don't even have to,

566
00:29:35.620 --> 00:29:36.700
like ladies, what I want,

567
00:29:36.740 --> 00:29:39.700
like what I love that Lori has really been working on.

568
00:29:39.740 --> 00:29:41.420
And for those of you like that are new,

569
00:29:41.640 --> 00:29:43.800
like Lori's been with us for a couple months now.

570
00:29:43.800 --> 00:29:45.280
And so for those of you that are new,

571
00:29:45.280 --> 00:29:47.440
I don't think that you have to rush out of phase two.

572
00:29:47.740 --> 00:29:47.740


573
00:29:48.320 --> 00:29:50.580
Lori's been like really processing through

574
00:29:50.580 --> 00:29:52.280
and doing such great work.

575
00:29:52.360 --> 00:29:57.800
And so she's really like sitting in this season right now

576
00:29:57.800 --> 00:29:59.920
and really growing and like.

577
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.520
Processing through what Holy Spirit is showing her

578
00:30:04.520 --> 00:30:11.280
Through these interactions with men and that's what this discovery dating process is all about

579
00:30:11.800 --> 00:30:16.880
like she is spending time with the Lord in this process and

580
00:30:17.800 --> 00:30:25.600
He is meeting her where she is at and that this is what like this is where the growth happens

581
00:30:26.260 --> 00:30:29.200
This is where all that healing takes place

582
00:30:30.180 --> 00:30:33.880
And it's it's amazing. And so so I did something new

583
00:30:34.940 --> 00:30:41.620
Okay, I didn't message yesterday. I thought I'm just gonna mess, you know, the the inner child

584
00:30:41.620 --> 00:30:47.380
so I'm like, oh Holy Spirit like I have something like my my teenagers coming out and like

585
00:30:47.740 --> 00:30:51.740
Like I'm just gonna draw the line and let him you know

586
00:30:51.740 --> 00:30:52.700
and then I'm like

587
00:30:52.700 --> 00:30:57.540
I'm just going to like in a healthy way draw the line like I said in all these different spaces and I'm like

588
00:30:57.540 --> 00:31:04.140
Okay, I need healing and like what would be a new thing for me to do yeah, and I thought nothing

589
00:31:04.780 --> 00:31:08.340
Just don't do anything and it's okay now

590
00:31:08.340 --> 00:31:14.180
So when when these type of emotions and feelings come up, so this is where that heartwork piece comes in

591
00:31:14.180 --> 00:31:21.260
This is where like when you're recognizing these feelings that come up. This is where we talk about that

592
00:31:21.260 --> 00:31:23.080
Revealing for healing. Yeah

593
00:31:23.080 --> 00:31:27.400
When did this feeling like when did when

594
00:31:29.920 --> 00:31:33.980
When did you first have this feeling when does it feel similar

595
00:31:34.800 --> 00:31:42.000
like go back totally when my my dad walked away when I was doing history homework in in

596
00:31:43.180 --> 00:31:49.380
High school like just that because it's definitely, you know an inner teenager that's coming up

597
00:31:50.160 --> 00:31:52.880
And so like maybe some rejection there, right

598
00:31:53.660 --> 00:32:02.060
Yeah, like emotionally abandoned. Yeah, and so and I had the honors with the Lord, but I can go back into that portal

599
00:32:02.720 --> 00:32:06.760
And that's where then then it's like you recognize where that's coming from

600
00:32:07.620 --> 00:32:14.100
What lie is starting to surface and then that's when you can start shutting it down with God's truth

601
00:32:14.100 --> 00:32:21.880
Yeah, ladies even I mean and I'm gonna be I'll be very transparent with you like I've gone through this process when I was in

602
00:32:21.880 --> 00:32:22.580
this program

603
00:32:23.060 --> 00:32:26.980
so much revealing for healing happened so many lies surfaced and

604
00:32:28.200 --> 00:32:32.340
I had to combat those lies with God's truth. I

605
00:32:32.700 --> 00:32:40.920
Found my husband we got engaged we got married even in marriage some of those same lies will want to creep in

606
00:32:41.600 --> 00:32:43.280
Doesn't mean that they go away

607
00:32:43.460 --> 00:32:51.000
Once I recognize them, sometimes they'll still creep in. I just now am a little keener and wiser and

608
00:32:51.820 --> 00:32:58.880
Recognize them. Yeah, and I once I recognize I'm like, oh, hmm. I know what that is now

609
00:32:58.880 --> 00:33:01.500
I know what tools to use

610
00:33:02.240 --> 00:33:03.500
to fight

611
00:33:03.680 --> 00:33:07.440
That lying and what truth to speak against it

612
00:33:07.580 --> 00:33:15.580
Yeah, when those like things start to surface you now know how to combat it with God's Word God's truth

613
00:33:15.940 --> 00:33:20.900
What what experience has God shown you where that isn't true?

614
00:33:21.020 --> 00:33:28.700
You aren't rejected one when has he showed you you haven't been rejected when has probably something he's processing through

615
00:33:31.640 --> 00:33:37.220
Don't think I don't think I had a needy tone at all when I

616
00:33:40.520 --> 00:33:41.560
Um, I

617
00:33:41.560 --> 00:33:46.420
Have no idea and you know, I just I feel proud of myself for not having to end it

618
00:33:47.460 --> 00:33:47.980
Yeah

619
00:33:48.700 --> 00:33:53.540
You like you're recognizing a lot of times even nicely

620
00:33:54.620 --> 00:33:58.500
Have to do anything about us a

621
00:33:58.500 --> 00:34:00.060
Lot of a lot of times

622
00:34:00.060 --> 00:34:05.020
I mean if he said I'm like did he say he wanted to get to know me because I I I

623
00:34:06.100 --> 00:34:09.280
Copped a you know, I

624
00:34:09.280 --> 00:34:14.900
Had a moment of neediness at the end of the phone call and I think so cuz I didn't I wasn't needy at all

625
00:34:15.239 --> 00:34:21.219
And even if there's at times where you meet where you're needy, is that necessarily a bad thing?

626
00:34:23.360 --> 00:34:24.480
Thank you

627
00:34:25.940 --> 00:34:28.679
Yeah, cuz I'm gonna be like that in marriage

628
00:34:28.679 --> 00:34:34.719
We're needy for our father in heaven, yeah

629
00:34:37.360 --> 00:34:38.000
Right

630
00:34:39.960 --> 00:34:43.639
Yeah, so what if there's moments where we are a little needy

631
00:34:46.400 --> 00:34:49.040
What if there's moments our husbands are a little needy

632
00:34:49.820 --> 00:34:53.679
Yeah, he did say. Oh, wow. Our stories are very different

633
00:34:54.100 --> 00:34:56.600
you know, he grew up and

634
00:34:56.600 --> 00:34:58.980
And I didn't share I didn't

635
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.660
I didn't, I didn't really, I shared from a healed place. Like my story, the story I tell myself

636
00:35:04.660 --> 00:35:11.560
is different, but it's not that none of those things, the rejection or any of those things

637
00:35:11.560 --> 00:35:19.960
didn't happen, but I tell myself a different story now that's equally as true. Yeah. So yes,

638
00:35:19.960 --> 00:35:27.100
I'll share those things in time. I just don't need to. Yeah. And it doesn't disqualify you

639
00:35:27.100 --> 00:35:36.860
from anything. Yeah. I didn't feel like this is that discovery process too, is this isn't

640
00:35:36.860 --> 00:35:40.500
just about discovering about more about someone else and what you like, what you don't like,

641
00:35:40.660 --> 00:35:47.860
but it also helps you reflect more about yourself. Like what stuff do you carry importance in regards

642
00:35:47.860 --> 00:35:56.040
to yourself? How do you see yourself? How do you allow others to see yourself? How do you think

643
00:35:56.040 --> 00:36:04.360
others see you? Right? How are we worried about others? See us? How do I worry about how a man

644
00:36:04.360 --> 00:36:14.640
sees me? Like sometimes we've got to let go of that stuff. What if a man sees me as needy

645
00:36:14.640 --> 00:36:22.680
or different ladies, your husbands are going to cherish you and protect you and provide for you.

646
00:36:26.100 --> 00:36:30.600
That's what a husband will do. Doesn't mean that they're perfect at it.

647
00:36:31.140 --> 00:36:35.660
It doesn't. I love my husband dearly. My husband is not perfect.

648
00:36:36.920 --> 00:36:41.100
He needs a lot of grace, just like I need a lot of grace.

649
00:36:46.960 --> 00:36:54.100
And that's totally okay. But Laurie, I just love how you show up in this community

650
00:36:55.320 --> 00:37:03.880
and how you just allow the Lord to come in and work through your heart and you're growing

651
00:37:04.340 --> 00:37:10.200
and you're healing. I mean, I laid on my sofa for most of the day yesterday, so I felt it.

652
00:37:10.420 --> 00:37:16.300
Like I was like, and ladies, you're allowed to feel the field. Ladies, I can't tell you

653
00:37:16.300 --> 00:37:22.180
about like a moment of like, even in my marriage, I'm like, I just need a day.

654
00:37:22.740 --> 00:37:27.460
Yeah. We're blending a family and I have, you know, three kids, two of them are teens,

655
00:37:27.560 --> 00:37:32.980
16, almost 14 and a 10 year old, like my 10 year old poor kid. He's, you know,

656
00:37:33.480 --> 00:37:38.360
eating Mac and cheese in his bedroom right now, watching Netflix, you know, you know,

657
00:37:38.380 --> 00:37:44.320
with his earbuds on because he got busted in the face of baseball yesterday at practice last night.

658
00:37:45.120 --> 00:37:53.840
I'm like, can I just catch a break? Like days where I'm like, mom just needs a nap.

659
00:37:54.220 --> 00:38:04.740
I'm having victory on the couch. I just need a break. My kids are like in the thick of it of

660
00:38:04.740 --> 00:38:11.920
stuff. Like they're going through their teenage stuff. Like, and it's okay. Sometimes you just

661
00:38:11.920 --> 00:38:19.140
need to feel it. Yeah. And yeah, just for me to do nothing. And I still like, I was so like,

662
00:38:19.340 --> 00:38:23.080
well, it's over. And if he comes back then, you know, like having all these feelings and I'm like,

663
00:38:23.120 --> 00:38:29.300
well, what would I do? What would you do, Lori? And it's like, I think I just need to give him

664
00:38:29.360 --> 00:38:41.900
some air, you know? And we're here to process this with you. What would I do? You're going to

665
00:38:42.420 --> 00:38:47.680
work through this process. I mean, the Lord's probably giving me some space and saying, Hey,

666
00:38:47.700 --> 00:38:54.640
right there, let's put a pause on this. Yeah. But even for you just to hear today that it's okay.

667
00:38:54.640 --> 00:39:11.880
So what if you need to feel needy for a day? So what? Yeah. You don't like, we don't need to

668
00:39:12.700 --> 00:39:21.060
judge. What do you mean? Like, I feel like I reached out. You branched out. You sent the

669
00:39:21.060 --> 00:39:27.600
voice message. You presented yourself in a healthy way. The ball is now in his court.

670
00:39:27.660 --> 00:39:33.260
Yeah. That's what I feel like, too. You don't need to overthink why he didn't respond or why

671
00:39:34.040 --> 00:39:39.160
we don't need to overplay that in our head. Yeah. A lot of, like I said, a lot of times

672
00:39:39.820 --> 00:39:45.900
their responses have nothing to do with us. Yeah. It's where they're at with what they're

673
00:39:45.900 --> 00:39:53.240
going through because we don't have all of the behind the scenes story. Yeah. I know he's going

674
00:39:53.240 --> 00:39:59.200
after this new direction, this new thing. So I think he's pretty caught up and interviews with

675
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.540
But you don't have to sit there and overthink it.

676
00:40:03.680 --> 00:40:04.620
Go and live your life.

677
00:40:04.820 --> 00:40:05.780
Go enjoy life.

678
00:40:06.100 --> 00:40:07.480
Yeah, I've pulled back in.

679
00:40:07.980 --> 00:40:09.500
Okay, I'm doing my art.

680
00:40:10.060 --> 00:40:11.860
Like you are showing up well.

681
00:40:12.420 --> 00:40:14.300
You're having new discoveries.

682
00:40:15.160 --> 00:40:17.520
You're having new interactions with people.

683
00:40:18.160 --> 00:40:21.740
You're like, already this interaction is a win.

684
00:40:22.360 --> 00:40:22.840
Yeah.

685
00:40:23.020 --> 00:40:24.660
You're growing, you're learning.

686
00:40:25.120 --> 00:40:26.500
You're doing things differently.

687
00:40:27.420 --> 00:40:29.520
God's revealing to you areas where you're healed,

688
00:40:29.520 --> 00:40:32.100
where some of that past teenage girl

689
00:40:32.380 --> 00:40:34.980
is healing and doing things differently.

690
00:40:35.920 --> 00:40:36.300
Yeah.

691
00:40:36.300 --> 00:40:37.740
And there might be even an area

692
00:40:37.740 --> 00:40:39.280
where God wants to sit here and say,

693
00:40:40.200 --> 00:40:41.540
maybe there's some forgiveness here

694
00:40:41.540 --> 00:40:42.600
that you can work through.

695
00:40:43.040 --> 00:40:43.240
Yeah.

696
00:40:43.240 --> 00:40:44.740
Maybe there's some level of healing here.

697
00:40:44.920 --> 00:40:45.380
Yeah.

698
00:40:45.380 --> 00:40:46.260
What are you believing?

699
00:40:47.560 --> 00:40:50.420
What does God's truth wanna tell you?

700
00:40:51.060 --> 00:40:51.580
Yeah.

701
00:40:51.740 --> 00:40:53.040
It's okay to be needy.

702
00:40:53.100 --> 00:40:55.300
I don't need to run after anybody

703
00:40:56.800 --> 00:40:58.640
and try to get attention.

704
00:40:59.160 --> 00:40:59.640
No.

705
00:41:00.140 --> 00:41:01.720
I can just...

706
00:41:01.720 --> 00:41:02.560
God's already given you attention

707
00:41:02.560 --> 00:41:04.160
because he's already right there with you.

708
00:41:04.220 --> 00:41:04.460
Yeah.

709
00:41:04.740 --> 00:41:05.840
He's showing you, he cares about you.

710
00:41:06.100 --> 00:41:06.600
He loves you.

711
00:41:06.720 --> 00:41:07.020
Yeah.

712
00:41:07.040 --> 00:41:07.700
He's with you.

713
00:41:08.140 --> 00:41:08.480
Yeah.

714
00:41:08.520 --> 00:41:10.280
You've got all the attention that you need

715
00:41:10.280 --> 00:41:11.480
from your heavenly father.

716
00:41:12.020 --> 00:41:12.280
Yeah.

717
00:41:12.700 --> 00:41:13.740
He sees you.

718
00:41:14.040 --> 00:41:14.260
Yeah.

719
00:41:15.700 --> 00:41:16.260
Thank you.

720
00:41:16.400 --> 00:41:17.740
Lori, thank you so much for sharing.

721
00:41:19.060 --> 00:41:20.460
I always appreciate you.

722
00:41:21.760 --> 00:41:22.140
Thank you.

723
00:41:22.220 --> 00:41:24.220
Thanks for listening and all your wild words.

724
00:41:26.140 --> 00:41:27.000
Love you girl.

725
00:41:27.320 --> 00:41:28.060
I love you too.

726
00:41:28.640 --> 00:41:29.240
All right, Mika.

727
00:41:29.620 --> 00:41:30.920
Hey, how are you?

728
00:41:31.840 --> 00:41:33.100
Hey, I'm good.

729
00:41:33.700 --> 00:41:36.560
So before I joined the program,

730
00:41:36.600 --> 00:41:40.500
there was this gentleman that was also serving at my church

731
00:41:40.500 --> 00:41:43.020
and we end up in the same kind of area,

732
00:41:43.040 --> 00:41:45.540
like when I'm welcoming people

733
00:41:45.540 --> 00:41:46.840
and he's kind of like,

734
00:41:46.840 --> 00:41:50.240
just kind of keep doing security or whatever.

735
00:41:51.420 --> 00:41:54.020
And so we would have like little conversations

736
00:41:54.020 --> 00:41:57.840
and it would kind of like at the end of service

737
00:41:57.840 --> 00:42:00.000
or after greeting or while we're greeting or whatever.

738
00:42:00.600 --> 00:42:01.460
And so it kind of, you know,

739
00:42:01.460 --> 00:42:06.900
and then we'll like look, but it was never like a formal,

740
00:42:07.440 --> 00:42:12.920
he was just like, you know, someone had like in my community

741
00:42:13.300 --> 00:42:15.680
they're like elders that led him to the Lord,

742
00:42:15.740 --> 00:42:16.920
back to the Lord recently.

743
00:42:16.940 --> 00:42:18.480
And his dad is a believer.

744
00:42:18.840 --> 00:42:24.040
So he's not as, I guess, not as seasoned,

745
00:42:24.160 --> 00:42:26.200
even though his dad is like born again.

746
00:42:26.200 --> 00:42:27.360
So it's a little,

747
00:42:27.700 --> 00:42:31.440
because I was asking the elders white husband

748
00:42:31.440 --> 00:42:32.540
that led him to the Lord.

749
00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:35.940
Like when I try to use certain language, the Christianese,

750
00:42:36.040 --> 00:42:36.600
he didn't understand.

751
00:42:38.380 --> 00:42:42.200
So it's challenging me to like, I guess, you know,

752
00:42:42.200 --> 00:42:46.140
like, I don't know, not be so, I guess,

753
00:42:46.280 --> 00:42:50.120
I guess just caught up in that, I guess the religion piece,

754
00:42:50.360 --> 00:42:53.800
but like, just to like get to know him.

755
00:42:53.800 --> 00:42:56.160
And so then it came along your program,

756
00:42:56.740 --> 00:42:58.480
but right before I came along your program,

757
00:42:58.560 --> 00:43:00.700
I kind of sabotaged it a little bit.

758
00:43:00.700 --> 00:43:02.560
And I started kind of rattling out these things

759
00:43:02.740 --> 00:43:06.680
about scripture and like, I don't know what I said.

760
00:43:06.680 --> 00:43:08.460
I said, I listed all of the things that,

761
00:43:08.680 --> 00:43:10.080
all my flaws, I listed them.

762
00:43:10.140 --> 00:43:12.120
And then I listed all his potential flaws

763
00:43:12.120 --> 00:43:14.760
because he would share a lot and he would be so bubbly.

764
00:43:14.840 --> 00:43:18.600
And I feel kind of bad because when I did that,

765
00:43:18.780 --> 00:43:20.960
like, I feel like there was like a shift,

766
00:43:20.960 --> 00:43:24.200
like, and he was just like,

767
00:43:26.680 --> 00:43:27.800
cause I was looking back, I was kind of,

768
00:43:27.800 --> 00:43:30.200
I think I was kind of giving him a hard time a little bit

769
00:43:30.460 --> 00:43:32.480
behind site, like after going through phase one.

770
00:43:32.720 --> 00:43:33.640
And it was even a point where I said,

771
00:43:33.700 --> 00:43:35.440
well, I'm not supposed to be dating anyway

772
00:43:35.440 --> 00:43:37.400
before he even asked me on a date.

773
00:43:39.720 --> 00:43:42.060
Like I'm looking back and like, it's all coming back to me.

774
00:43:42.060 --> 00:43:44.480
Like all the things that are like, were like no-nos,

775
00:43:44.680 --> 00:43:46.280
like after going through heart healing.

776
00:43:46.400 --> 00:43:48.180
And I'm like, oh my gosh.

777
00:43:48.180 --> 00:43:50.120
Like, and I'm like, and we're waiting

778
00:43:50.120 --> 00:43:52.460
and I'm waiting until marriage and all that.

779
00:43:53.100 --> 00:43:55.060
All the no's, all the no's.

780
00:43:55.280 --> 00:43:56.380
And it's totally fine.

781
00:43:56.540 --> 00:43:57.640
You're totally fine.

782
00:43:57.700 --> 00:43:58.960
And not even going on a date yet.

783
00:43:58.960 --> 00:44:00.120
He hadn't even asked me out.

784
00:44:00.240 --> 00:44:04.280
So I'm like, oh no, fast forward.

785
00:44:04.480 --> 00:44:06.020
So we started chatting again.

786
00:44:06.380 --> 00:44:09.260
And, and I, even at one point when he was just sharing,

787
00:44:09.260 --> 00:44:11.240
like just sharing his heart, sharing who he was.

788
00:44:11.260 --> 00:44:12.200
And every time we would share,

789
00:44:12.360 --> 00:44:14.500
I would just say what I'm not going to do.

790
00:44:14.520 --> 00:44:17.140
And like, just as a way of like guarding myself,

791
00:44:17.200 --> 00:44:19.780
like before I knew, learned about God defended again,

792
00:44:19.780 --> 00:44:23.000
before the program, then I put it on pause, double back.

793
00:44:23.240 --> 00:44:25.380
And so then when I was trying to like engage him,

794
00:44:25.400 --> 00:44:27.180
kind of like from what I learned from heart healing,

795
00:44:27.520 --> 00:44:31.200
I feel like he was a lot quieter and he wasn't calling,

796
00:44:31.380 --> 00:44:33.520
he wasn't calling as much.

797
00:44:33.840 --> 00:44:36.100
And, but we would still have conversations

798
00:44:36.100 --> 00:44:37.040
in front of the church.

799
00:44:37.040 --> 00:44:38.340
And so I started feeling like, I'm like,

800
00:44:38.420 --> 00:44:40.220
is he trying to use me to triangulate me

801
00:44:40.220 --> 00:44:42.120
or make me, make someone else jealous?

802
00:44:42.120 --> 00:44:44.860
Cause you know, like some guys will use you to like

803
00:44:44.860 --> 00:44:46.680
get attention of other ladies.

804
00:44:46.760 --> 00:44:49.120
Maybe is he interested in someone else like triangulation?

805
00:44:49.120 --> 00:44:51.320
And I'm like, you know,

806
00:44:51.380 --> 00:44:54.340
and I did see him talking to someone like, you know,

807
00:44:54.400 --> 00:44:56.240
just like as, you know, also working with him.

808
00:44:56.240 --> 00:44:57.540
And I felt myself get jealous.

809
00:44:57.680 --> 00:44:59.720
I'm like, oh no, what is that?

810
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.620
And, you know, and I felt myself get sad.

811
00:45:05.380 --> 00:45:09.880
And so I felt like also after doing this program,

812
00:45:09.960 --> 00:45:11.300
I felt like I wanted more clarity.

813
00:45:11.780 --> 00:45:15.060
And also after watching some of the replays for this phase,

814
00:45:15.140 --> 00:45:16.920
that it kind of gave us permission.

815
00:45:16.920 --> 00:45:18.760
Cause I was waiting for him to ask me,

816
00:45:18.940 --> 00:45:20.400
but it gives us permission to like,

817
00:45:20.440 --> 00:45:21.680
kind of put the ball on the court

818
00:45:21.920 --> 00:45:23.600
because I actually took it.

819
00:45:23.640 --> 00:45:25.100
And I was just like, you know, we're just friends.

820
00:45:25.200 --> 00:45:25.840
We're friends.

821
00:45:25.860 --> 00:45:27.860
I'm looking forward to getting to know you,

822
00:45:28.280 --> 00:45:29.620
but I'm telling you, we're just friends.

823
00:45:29.620 --> 00:45:31.940
And he's already said that the elder,

824
00:45:32.100 --> 00:45:33.900
the church was encouraging him to date ladies

825
00:45:33.900 --> 00:45:36.080
in our community, date someone in our community.

826
00:45:36.560 --> 00:45:40.080
And so fast forward, I, this past Sunday,

827
00:45:40.080 --> 00:45:41.480
I'm proud of myself cause this past Sunday,

828
00:45:42.300 --> 00:45:44.220
I came out and asked him, not this past,

829
00:45:44.240 --> 00:45:45.600
the Sunday before last, I said,

830
00:45:46.040 --> 00:45:49.000
when are you going to ask me out on a real date?

831
00:45:49.940 --> 00:45:51.040
I just said it.

832
00:45:51.040 --> 00:45:53.340
We talked a little bit first and I'm like,

833
00:45:53.540 --> 00:45:54.920
cause he's like still flirting with me.

834
00:45:54.920 --> 00:45:55.940
I still like he's still flirting.

835
00:45:56.080 --> 00:45:57.720
And I was like, I came out and said,

836
00:45:57.720 --> 00:45:59.800
I was like, I know I said, I want us to be friends,

837
00:45:59.900 --> 00:46:02.200
but I kind of don't see, I don't see you as friends.

838
00:46:02.660 --> 00:46:05.680
And I'm still, you know, there's a lot I'm like processing

839
00:46:05.840 --> 00:46:07.440
and he was like, well, when's the next time

840
00:46:07.440 --> 00:46:09.700
you're going to be greeting or something like that?

841
00:46:09.720 --> 00:46:11.940
And for me, it feels like it doesn't feel,

842
00:46:12.020 --> 00:46:14.220
I don't feel cherished, even though I think it's wonderful

843
00:46:14.220 --> 00:46:15.600
to get to know someone in community,

844
00:46:15.800 --> 00:46:17.260
there's something intentional.

845
00:46:17.280 --> 00:46:20.520
We've been kind of chit-chatting since July, right?

846
00:46:20.620 --> 00:46:24.540
And so like at a certain point as adults,

847
00:46:24.540 --> 00:46:28.540
it's like, I want to know whoever I'm, you know,

848
00:46:28.540 --> 00:46:30.900
is being intentional and purposeful with me, you know,

849
00:46:30.960 --> 00:46:32.340
make a reservation for goodness sakes.

850
00:46:32.420 --> 00:46:33.700
And if you can't afford to do a reservation,

851
00:46:33.840 --> 00:46:35.380
I didn't say that about the Ford thing.

852
00:46:35.960 --> 00:46:36.800
Probably shouldn't be dating.

853
00:46:37.160 --> 00:46:37.780
No, no, no.

854
00:46:37.780 --> 00:46:39.080
That's what I want to, I'm not going to say that

855
00:46:39.080 --> 00:46:39.840
cause that's sabotage.

856
00:46:40.520 --> 00:46:41.560
You see where this is going.

857
00:46:43.100 --> 00:46:46.600
But I, so I came out and said, I said, no,

858
00:46:46.640 --> 00:46:48.260
you seem like a nice person.

859
00:46:49.280 --> 00:46:51.760
And, and I kind of, I kind of hinted that I was jealous.

860
00:46:51.760 --> 00:46:52.840
I was like, you know, I'm not,

861
00:46:52.840 --> 00:46:55.440
I'm not competing with all of the whole women's police,

862
00:46:55.680 --> 00:46:57.860
the whole women's police force or whatever.

863
00:46:59.440 --> 00:47:01.460
And I was like, I'm interested in you.

864
00:47:01.980 --> 00:47:03.760
And he was like, and he was like, oh no, no.

865
00:47:03.760 --> 00:47:06.220
He was like, the only person they would have to get to know,

866
00:47:06.220 --> 00:47:09.500
get to know is my niece, my 10 year old niece or something,

867
00:47:09.540 --> 00:47:10.500
which I thought it was sweet.

868
00:47:10.520 --> 00:47:13.720
Like saying she, I guess he was like hinting about family.

869
00:47:13.720 --> 00:47:15.680
But again, it's, it's kind of confusing.

870
00:47:15.800 --> 00:47:18.220
Again, you see how it's kind of flirty, but not really.

871
00:47:18.600 --> 00:47:20.400
And like, I don't want to be bread crumbed.

872
00:47:20.400 --> 00:47:24.440
He's probably, my thought process

873
00:47:25.240 --> 00:47:27.660
is he's probably a little taken back

874
00:47:27.700 --> 00:47:30.760
because of how the beginning interaction happened.

875
00:47:31.380 --> 00:47:32.680
It's probably a little bit confused.

876
00:47:32.900 --> 00:47:34.940
He did say he couldn't tell that I liked him.

877
00:47:35.300 --> 00:47:37.560
And so he found out that I liked him

878
00:47:37.560 --> 00:47:40.920
because I told the elder guy and the elder guy told him,

879
00:47:40.920 --> 00:47:42.880
cause I was like, how come he didn't ask me for my number?

880
00:47:43.020 --> 00:47:45.020
This was before I did the program, of course.

881
00:47:45.500 --> 00:47:46.000
And then I paused.

882
00:47:46.000 --> 00:47:48.660
Well, and I think again, like you recognize like,

883
00:47:48.660 --> 00:47:50.060
oh, I did all the no-no's,

884
00:47:50.220 --> 00:47:52.040
which there's nothing wrong with that.

885
00:47:52.360 --> 00:47:53.640
Ladies, I can't tell you,

886
00:47:53.640 --> 00:47:56.580
I cannot tell you how many of the no-no's I did

887
00:47:57.020 --> 00:47:58.060
in this program.

888
00:47:58.800 --> 00:48:03.000
I mean, I totally did all the no's often.

889
00:48:05.280 --> 00:48:06.980
And, and that's fine.

890
00:48:07.560 --> 00:48:08.420
And, but guess what?

891
00:48:08.500 --> 00:48:10.200
Even if you do the no's doesn't mean

892
00:48:10.200 --> 00:48:13.320
that you can mess it up if it's meant for you.

893
00:48:14.240 --> 00:48:15.780
Yeah. Thanks for saying that.

894
00:48:15.940 --> 00:48:18.640
And so what he did, I want to just share this part too.

895
00:48:18.640 --> 00:48:20.680
He, so after I said,

896
00:48:20.780 --> 00:48:22.200
when are you going to ask me on a real date?

897
00:48:22.200 --> 00:48:24.160
Cause what's really been stressful is he came out

898
00:48:24.160 --> 00:48:25.040
and told me from the very beginning,

899
00:48:25.040 --> 00:48:26.780
the reason why he hasn't been dating right now

900
00:48:26.780 --> 00:48:29.060
is because he works 12 hour days,

901
00:48:29.420 --> 00:48:30.720
which is understandable.

902
00:48:31.920 --> 00:48:34.600
Right. And so when I asked him

903
00:48:34.600 --> 00:48:35.900
when he's going to ask me on a real date,

904
00:48:35.960 --> 00:48:38.180
he's like, I do have some leave time coming up.

905
00:48:39.040 --> 00:48:41.920
But again, it's not saying I am going to ask you on a date.

906
00:48:42.520 --> 00:48:43.640
And then, so finally,

907
00:48:43.660 --> 00:48:46.360
I guess like three weeks or four weeks later,

908
00:48:46.360 --> 00:48:48.600
kind of funny, like while I'm like praying

909
00:48:48.780 --> 00:48:50.800
with some, some gals in community

910
00:48:50.800 --> 00:48:52.080
and we're praying on like,

911
00:48:52.400 --> 00:48:55.040
we're praying on like spouses and everything, he calls.

912
00:48:55.340 --> 00:48:56.760
And so I felt like the timing was kind of,

913
00:48:56.920 --> 00:48:57.960
you know, I did journal it.

914
00:48:58.020 --> 00:48:58.800
Not that he's my spouse,

915
00:48:58.880 --> 00:49:00.900
but I just put the timing with what is kind of funny.

916
00:49:00.980 --> 00:49:01.740
I'm like, okay.

917
00:49:02.060 --> 00:49:04.460
And then he was like, hey, what are you doing tomorrow?

918
00:49:04.620 --> 00:49:06.180
And I was, but I had to do a training.

919
00:49:06.260 --> 00:49:07.300
I was going to be out of state.

920
00:49:07.340 --> 00:49:09.160
And I was like, okay, I'm like,

921
00:49:09.160 --> 00:49:10.640
I'm actually going to be an out of state.

922
00:49:10.840 --> 00:49:13.260
And he was just like, and he was like, oh,

923
00:49:13.260 --> 00:49:15.120
and then he got distracted and he was like, oh darn.

924
00:49:15.120 --> 00:49:17.120
And I was like, well, what were you going to ask me?

925
00:49:17.860 --> 00:49:19.880
So do you think I should have just said,

926
00:49:20.380 --> 00:49:22.220
like, I feel like, you know what I mean?

927
00:49:22.220 --> 00:49:25.200
Like he didn't want to ask me like, okay,

928
00:49:25.200 --> 00:49:26.180
I wasn't available.

929
00:49:27.460 --> 00:49:29.080
Did he respond with what he was going to ask you?

930
00:49:29.100 --> 00:49:30.380
He said, I'm going to call you back.

931
00:49:30.460 --> 00:49:31.760
There's a, it was a distraction

932
00:49:31.760 --> 00:49:33.240
because he had to do something for work.

933
00:49:33.280 --> 00:49:35.540
And at that time, but he never called,

934
00:49:35.600 --> 00:49:36.360
he never called back.

935
00:49:36.500 --> 00:49:39.940
So I called, I called twice with two weeks

936
00:49:39.940 --> 00:49:41.060
or three weeks it spanned,

937
00:49:41.240 --> 00:49:43.080
just saying, I'm calling to see how you're doing.

938
00:49:43.400 --> 00:49:44.560
And hey, how things going?

939
00:49:44.560 --> 00:49:47.400
And then I left it because he knows

940
00:49:47.400 --> 00:49:48.860
he's not going to see me a long time

941
00:49:48.860 --> 00:49:50.440
because I'm taking care of some things

942
00:49:50.440 --> 00:49:54.080
with illness and family and life and all of that.

943
00:49:54.320 --> 00:49:58.540
So I feel like my question is, how do I,

944
00:49:58.960 --> 00:49:59.980
I'd really like to.

945
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.580
get it back to where he's sharing,

946
00:50:02.140 --> 00:50:03.720
like he was when we first started,

947
00:50:04.160 --> 00:50:06.220
versus me rattling out all the rules

948
00:50:06.220 --> 00:50:07.700
about like, I default to God,

949
00:50:07.720 --> 00:50:09.080
I default to Christian music.

950
00:50:09.240 --> 00:50:10.720
Oh, you default to Adam.

951
00:50:11.020 --> 00:50:12.800
I will default to that, my God.

952
00:50:12.880 --> 00:50:14.140
You know, how do I fix that?

953
00:50:14.220 --> 00:50:15.660
Like, cause I feel like I kind of,

954
00:50:15.780 --> 00:50:17.520
I don't, I want him to be able to share.

955
00:50:17.860 --> 00:50:20.440
And if this is a potential spirit mate,

956
00:50:21.100 --> 00:50:24.400
I want him, I'd rather him be comfortable

957
00:50:24.400 --> 00:50:25.920
sharing like he was originally,

958
00:50:26.100 --> 00:50:29.320
but I feel like I kind of breached that trust

959
00:50:29.320 --> 00:50:32.560
in some way, or I may have made him feel judged

960
00:50:32.920 --> 00:50:35.580
and unintentionally, and I want to,

961
00:50:36.560 --> 00:50:37.820
and I can ask him, was he offended

962
00:50:37.820 --> 00:50:39.100
when I said, I'm not a counselor?

963
00:50:39.260 --> 00:50:40.920
I said something, I said something.

964
00:50:43.120 --> 00:50:46.440
Okay, there's some things that's coming up for me,

965
00:50:46.480 --> 00:50:48.060
and I'm trying to figure out how to,

966
00:50:48.240 --> 00:50:50.440
I'm like trying to word it as a question.

967
00:50:52.420 --> 00:50:53.440
Give me a second.

968
00:50:53.440 --> 00:50:54.580
Mm-hmm.

969
00:50:57.640 --> 00:50:59.100
Cause there's also something else

970
00:50:59.100 --> 00:51:01.940
I kind of want to go back to that I went back to.

971
00:51:02.160 --> 00:51:04.700
There's some, let me go back to this first,

972
00:51:04.700 --> 00:51:06.180
and then maybe we can get back to around,

973
00:51:06.280 --> 00:51:08.560
and I can figure out how to word this.

974
00:51:08.780 --> 00:51:09.140
Okay.

975
00:51:13.840 --> 00:51:15.760
Have you taken, have you taken

976
00:51:16.020 --> 00:51:18.800
the attachment style quiz in the resource?

977
00:51:19.520 --> 00:51:21.880
I didn't yet, I didn't yet,

978
00:51:21.880 --> 00:51:23.740
but I can assume which one I am,

979
00:51:23.820 --> 00:51:24.820
but I haven't taken it yet,

980
00:51:24.820 --> 00:51:25.580
so I'm going to take it officially.

981
00:51:25.600 --> 00:51:26.960
Which attachment style do you think you are?

982
00:51:27.420 --> 00:51:29.860
I think I default to anxious attachment,

983
00:51:29.980 --> 00:51:33.280
even though I think I took like a fake one,

984
00:51:33.380 --> 00:51:34.900
like a abbreviated version of one,

985
00:51:34.940 --> 00:51:35.320
and it said I was secure attachment.

986
00:51:35.320 --> 00:51:36.860
Well, and this one is a small one too,

987
00:51:36.940 --> 00:51:39.160
like this wasn't, this one isn't as in-depth,

988
00:51:39.260 --> 00:51:42.300
like the one that like, cause I've taken this one before,

989
00:51:42.340 --> 00:51:44.020
like the one that we have in the thing,

990
00:51:44.340 --> 00:51:47.120
like in the resource, and it's just a very tiny,

991
00:51:47.260 --> 00:51:51.420
like quick one, and it has me shown up as one way,

992
00:51:51.420 --> 00:51:54.100
and then I've taken one with my therapist,

993
00:51:54.780 --> 00:51:57.720
and it's the more in-depth, like psychology one,

994
00:51:58.020 --> 00:52:00.720
and it has me like doing both,

995
00:52:01.220 --> 00:52:03.620
like it's both anxious and avoidant,

996
00:52:03.720 --> 00:52:06.800
but I tend more, like I lean more one way than the other,

997
00:52:07.200 --> 00:52:10.700
which makes sense when I took the other, like with ours,

998
00:52:10.940 --> 00:52:13.280
so it's not as in-depth, but I,

999
00:52:14.080 --> 00:52:16.940
the reason I ask is because you,

1000
00:52:17.080 --> 00:52:19.620
you were saying things like,

1001
00:52:19.620 --> 00:52:22.780
is he using me, the triangulation,

1002
00:52:23.320 --> 00:52:24.860
the suspicion that you kind of had,

1003
00:52:25.040 --> 00:52:26.300
the jealous, all of that,

1004
00:52:26.400 --> 00:52:28.200
like there was some anxiousness

1005
00:52:28.200 --> 00:52:29.940
that was kind of coming up with that,

1006
00:52:30.780 --> 00:52:35.280
so now like, I'm wondering like, what's that rooted in?

1007
00:52:36.440 --> 00:52:40.700
Like where does that feel familiar in your past?

1008
00:52:41.540 --> 00:52:45.400
In my past, my last relationship, it was,

1009
00:52:46.800 --> 00:52:50.020
he was a little, he was somewhat narcissistic,

1010
00:52:50.280 --> 00:52:53.020
he was, in terms of like,

1011
00:52:55.020 --> 00:52:57.560
like he was just like charismatic,

1012
00:52:57.700 --> 00:52:59.400
and just all the love bombing,

1013
00:52:59.520 --> 00:53:01.100
and I didn't even know what that was,

1014
00:53:01.540 --> 00:53:03.000
and I was really empathic,

1015
00:53:03.080 --> 00:53:05.000
and trying to do more, do more, do more,

1016
00:53:05.060 --> 00:53:09.160
to like hold him, you know, and I have, you know, just,

1017
00:53:09.440 --> 00:53:12.280
and I think, but in terms of going back, further back,

1018
00:53:12.280 --> 00:53:15.180
I think it roots to like mom stuff,

1019
00:53:15.240 --> 00:53:19.900
like in terms of just this idea of needing to like care,

1020
00:53:20.100 --> 00:53:21.800
like, you know, be a caregiver, look out,

1021
00:53:22.100 --> 00:53:25.020
you know, be the kind of one that the family leans to,

1022
00:53:25.020 --> 00:53:27.460
like look out for her in her medical issues, and.

1023
00:53:28.060 --> 00:53:30.320
So you were like, you had to care for your mom

1024
00:53:30.320 --> 00:53:31.280
when you were younger?

1025
00:53:31.720 --> 00:53:31.940
Yeah.

1026
00:53:32.160 --> 00:53:35.060
Okay, so you kind of had to take on this motherly role

1027
00:53:35.060 --> 00:53:36.180
at a young age?

1028
00:53:36.860 --> 00:53:38.480
As a parental figure, yes.

1029
00:53:39.040 --> 00:53:41.360
Okay, so you kind of had to be a parent as a child,

1030
00:53:41.360 --> 00:53:44.860
okay, and then, so then you get in this last relationship

1031
00:53:46.740 --> 00:53:48.520
who did a lot of love bombing,

1032
00:53:48.760 --> 00:53:51.560
so you felt like you always kind of had to probably perform

1033
00:53:51.560 --> 00:53:55.300
and do and make everything fix, fix everything, right?

1034
00:53:55.680 --> 00:53:58.900
So now that's, okay, now this is starting to make sense.

1035
00:53:58.940 --> 00:54:00.600
I'm glad I asked this question first,

1036
00:54:00.600 --> 00:54:02.640
because now I can understand why you have this.

1037
00:54:04.260 --> 00:54:06.720
Do you see how this connects to now where you're feeling

1038
00:54:06.720 --> 00:54:09.020
like, what do I need to do to fix this?

1039
00:54:09.640 --> 00:54:11.200
Mm, that's good.

1040
00:54:11.360 --> 00:54:13.300
Yeah, that's super helpful, yeah.

1041
00:54:13.560 --> 00:54:15.860
Like now you're kind of like, okay-

1042
00:54:15.860 --> 00:54:17.480
I feel bad, I feel guilty.

1043
00:54:18.160 --> 00:54:19.980
Like, ugh, I wounded him.

1044
00:54:20.600 --> 00:54:24.520
I want this guy to know that like, I'm interested in him,

1045
00:54:24.800 --> 00:54:26.220
I don't want him to feel this way,

1046
00:54:26.360 --> 00:54:29.300
I wanna get back to where I was at, how do I do that?

1047
00:54:29.540 --> 00:54:31.000
Right, exactly, yeah.

1048
00:54:31.000 --> 00:54:34.500
Like, I gotta control this situation, right?

1049
00:54:34.680 --> 00:54:36.540
That's, nails it, nail on the head.

1050
00:54:37.200 --> 00:54:40.460
What does God say about us controlling things?

1051
00:54:41.660 --> 00:54:43.400
We have, we're not supposed to,

1052
00:54:43.420 --> 00:54:45.160
we have to give it to him, surrender.

1053
00:54:45.840 --> 00:54:47.140
Absolutely, beautifully said.

1054
00:54:47.480 --> 00:54:49.180
This one, I think we're just gonna have you

1055
00:54:49.180 --> 00:54:54.420
surrender this situation with this guy to the Lord.

1056
00:54:55.240 --> 00:54:55.640
Yeah.

1057
00:54:56.240 --> 00:54:56.760
Okay?

1058
00:54:57.280 --> 00:54:57.660
Yeah.

1059
00:54:57.780 --> 00:54:59.940
Let God handle this one.

1060
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.040
Let his timing be perfect, because again, if this man is your spirit mate, or even if

1061
00:55:07.040 --> 00:55:11.020
this man is not your spirit mate, but you're meant to go on a date with him to reveal something,

1062
00:55:12.080 --> 00:55:13.560
it's going to be in God's timing.

1063
00:55:15.180 --> 00:55:20.660
And you don't want to rush something that God wants for you in a certain time.

1064
00:55:21.480 --> 00:55:22.360
That's true.

1065
00:55:22.800 --> 00:55:23.400
Right, ladies?

1066
00:55:23.900 --> 00:55:23.960
Okay.

1067
00:55:23.960 --> 00:55:25.880
Oh, I got Holy Spirit on this one.

1068
00:55:27.300 --> 00:55:29.060
I often share this story.

1069
00:55:29.680 --> 00:55:35.500
Some of you ladies that know my story with me meeting my husband, like y'all, I was in

1070
00:55:35.500 --> 00:55:38.640
this program for two years before I met my husband.

1071
00:55:38.900 --> 00:55:45.080
So those of you that are like, I just want him to come right now, I relate to you, because

1072
00:55:45.080 --> 00:55:46.380
I'm like, why is it not happening?

1073
00:55:47.920 --> 00:55:51.680
I see all the other ladies that come in after me, and I'm like, they're getting engaged.

1074
00:55:51.980 --> 00:55:53.220
Why is it happening to me?

1075
00:55:54.300 --> 00:55:58.900
And I'll be honest with you, I celebrate them at times, and there are some times I didn't

1076
00:55:58.900 --> 00:56:00.000
want to celebrate those ladies.

1077
00:56:00.160 --> 00:56:04.560
I'm just being real with y'all, because ladies don't feel like, I get it, some of you ladies

1078
00:56:04.560 --> 00:56:09.120
are going to sit here and be like, oh, I'm celebrating them, but I know, I know some

1079
00:56:09.120 --> 00:56:12.480
of you deep down are going to be like, I'm not celebrating them, but I don't want people

1080
00:56:12.480 --> 00:56:13.920
to know that I'm not celebrating them.

1081
00:56:14.660 --> 00:56:16.800
I get it, because I was there.

1082
00:56:17.560 --> 00:56:19.940
So I was in this program for two years, right?

1083
00:56:19.940 --> 00:56:20.820
And it just was not happening.

1084
00:56:20.820 --> 00:56:23.020
And I'm just getting my charger, so I don't lose you guys.

1085
00:56:23.020 --> 00:56:23.920
Okay, you're good.

1086
00:56:24.620 --> 00:56:26.300
So I get it.

1087
00:56:26.680 --> 00:56:33.460
And so, but timing, God's timing is truly perfect, okay?

1088
00:56:34.080 --> 00:56:36.600
It really, really is, all right?

1089
00:56:36.600 --> 00:56:43.820
If I met my husband before God wanted me to meet my husband, I would have turned my husband

1090
00:56:43.820 --> 00:56:44.200
down.

1091
00:56:44.680 --> 00:56:46.060
I wouldn't have been ready.

1092
00:56:46.120 --> 00:56:52.600
I was not ready to surrender this pin of needing to relocate, because y'all, those of you

1093
00:56:52.600 --> 00:56:56.040
that know, I was not moving out of Florida.

1094
00:56:56.620 --> 00:56:59.220
I was very headstrong about that.

1095
00:56:59.880 --> 00:57:07.680
I had to get to a place of absolute surrender and just like, defeated, like, God, you take

1096
00:57:07.680 --> 00:57:15.300
it, I can't control this, I'm like, this is yours, I'm exhausted, I'm not going to carry

1097
00:57:15.300 --> 00:57:21.620
this anymore, I can't, I'm literally under so much pressure, it is too much for me.

1098
00:57:22.380 --> 00:57:25.260
Take it from me, because I can't carry this anymore.

1099
00:57:25.660 --> 00:57:27.000
I don't have control.

1100
00:57:27.660 --> 00:57:30.340
I literally had to surrender all of this control.

1101
00:57:31.320 --> 00:57:36.400
If I met my husband any sooner, I would have cut and run.

1102
00:57:36.500 --> 00:57:41.780
Y'all, when I met my husband, when we started talking, like three weeks before we met in

1103
00:57:41.780 --> 00:57:45.220
person, because he was long distance, okay, we waited three weeks before we met in person,

1104
00:57:45.620 --> 00:57:47.400
I was ready to cut and run then.

1105
00:57:47.400 --> 00:57:50.260
I almost literally did not go on our first date.

1106
00:57:52.780 --> 00:57:56.340
Like I was already trying to figure out ways to get out of it.

1107
00:57:59.100 --> 00:58:03.380
If I would have met him any sooner, I would have left.

1108
00:58:03.820 --> 00:58:12.820
In fact, Jackie even knew of him through another woman in our community, who she had an interaction

1109
00:58:12.820 --> 00:58:16.480
with him and wanted to introduce him to our community.

1110
00:58:18.200 --> 00:58:22.240
She was supposed to have some contact with him to try to get him in our community and

1111
00:58:22.240 --> 00:58:24.580
match him potentially with somebody in our community.

1112
00:58:24.820 --> 00:58:29.640
Jackie even told me, I wouldn't have matched him with you, because you didn't want to leave

1113
00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:30.500
Florida.

1114
00:58:33.080 --> 00:58:39.160
Now, luckily, one of my sisters in the community saw him in another group and was like, Reach,

1115
00:58:39.160 --> 00:58:45.280
you need to meet my friend, because he mentioned that he worked in Florida.

1116
00:58:46.600 --> 00:58:47.940
We thought he lived in Florida.

1117
00:58:48.680 --> 00:58:50.960
He worked remotely from Texas.

1118
00:58:51.540 --> 00:58:57.140
His company that he worked for was in Florida, and he'd occasionally go to Florida for work.

1119
00:58:58.960 --> 00:59:00.800
So I was like, okay, I'll give this guy a shot.

1120
00:59:01.860 --> 00:59:09.040
But then I found out, within our first interaction of communicating, he lived in Texas.

1121
00:59:10.980 --> 00:59:16.340
A week prior to that was when I finally was like, fine, if I have to move, if whatever,

1122
00:59:16.520 --> 00:59:18.780
if I have to date someone that's not local, then fine.

1123
00:59:19.860 --> 00:59:27.700
If I had met him any time before that week, I wouldn't have gone out with him.

1124
00:59:27.700 --> 00:59:29.880
I wouldn't have even given him a time of day.

1125
00:59:31.100 --> 00:59:34.180
So God's timing really is important.

1126
00:59:34.260 --> 00:59:40.360
And that's supernatural, that surrender, letting go of that control is so important.

1127
00:59:42.480 --> 00:59:48.760
So Mika, I wonder if this is just highlighting to you an area that God's wanting to show

1128
00:59:48.760 --> 00:59:51.020
you some area of growth and healing.

1129
00:59:51.260 --> 00:59:51.820
All right.

1130
00:59:52.080 --> 00:59:52.640
Thank you.

1131
00:59:52.760 --> 00:59:53.220
Yeah.

1132
00:59:53.220 --> 00:59:55.700
No, that's so good with the control, because I do struggle with that.

1133
00:59:55.700 --> 00:59:59.980
And I've actually heard that before about the, oh, excuse my control.

1134
01:00:00.920 --> 01:00:06.540
Yeah, so you're gonna release that. All right, you don't have to you don't have to you don't

1135
01:00:06.540 --> 01:00:11.440
have to make this guy like you, you know, I understand you think okay, I made some mistakes

1136
01:00:11.440 --> 01:00:19.040
and whatever you can go you can go at it and say, Look, I really, I really faltered. And

1137
01:00:19.040 --> 01:00:24.640
I'm really sorry. You know, I met you before I joined this program. And I feel like maybe

1138
01:00:25.360 --> 01:00:30.840
I pointed out some flaws and I apologize if that offended you in any way or if I made you feel

1139
01:00:30.840 --> 01:00:37.200
like any insecurity. That was not my heart, my intention. I really would like to get to know you,

1140
01:00:37.740 --> 01:00:46.600
if you'd be willing. And if not, that's fine, too. Like, it's a no pressure. This is a just

1141
01:00:46.600 --> 01:00:51.600
I'm just getting to know you. He doesn't need to know that you're looking for marriage right now.

1142
01:00:54.640 --> 01:00:58.920
And if he does, and it's fine. And again, you can be like, Yes, I want marriage. But it doesn't

1143
01:00:58.920 --> 01:01:05.820
mean that I'm dating right now. And like, I'm like, interviewing you for my husband.

1144
01:01:06.520 --> 01:01:13.640
What's what we're doing here and discovery dating. I'm in a program that's encouraged me to get out

1145
01:01:13.860 --> 01:01:19.000
to know people to get to know myself to get to know what I like and what I don't like

1146
01:01:19.000 --> 01:01:23.080
to get to know more about myself, what healing needs to take place in my heart.

1147
01:01:25.520 --> 01:01:32.060
Okay. What a good man looks like. What's a good match for me? What's not a good match for me?

1148
01:01:32.420 --> 01:01:37.480
And just spend time valuing what God wants for marriage.

1149
01:01:37.740 --> 01:01:41.820
I love that. I love how you phrase that. I'll listen to that on replay.

1150
01:01:42.100 --> 01:01:47.960
Listen to replay right now. Because I don't even know what I just said. Again, like a lot of times

1151
01:01:47.960 --> 01:01:53.900
I just love Holy Spirit just kind of speak and just come off my tongue here. So if that spoke to

1152
01:01:53.900 --> 01:02:01.100
you, watch the replay, write it down. And hopefully that will encourage some of some of the others in

1153
01:02:01.100 --> 01:02:08.340
replay as well. All right. So I hope that blessed you. Awesome. Thanks for thanks for sharing.

1154
01:02:09.780 --> 01:02:14.440
All right, Leah, and then Kim. And if there's anybody else, and I think I saw some questions

1155
01:02:14.440 --> 01:02:19.400
in the chat. So I'll go back to those here in a minute. And I know some people have to go back

1156
01:02:19.400 --> 01:02:23.280
to work. So if you need to jump off, totally fine. This is still recording. So if you want

1157
01:02:23.280 --> 01:02:27.800
to catch it in replay, by all means, you can do so. All right, Leah, how are you doing?

1158
01:02:30.260 --> 01:02:44.420
Good. So I did meet somebody on our dating site. And we've been talking, I've kind of

1159
01:02:44.420 --> 01:02:52.620
met him in Nevada. He's in the process of buying a house there. Yes. And a town that only has like

1160
01:02:52.620 --> 01:03:03.460
a couple hundred people. Yeah. Pretty remote, like 70 miles from a grocery store. And he he's

1161
01:03:03.460 --> 01:03:10.700
a widower. He's been widowed 10 years. And I lost my husband 10 years ago. So it's kind of nice

1162
01:03:10.700 --> 01:03:17.180
because most of the widowers I've met, and have lost their wives with, you know, like a year or

1163
01:03:17.700 --> 01:03:27.220
two, and they really weren't ready yet. So, so we're having some really nice conversations. And

1164
01:03:27.220 --> 01:03:35.420
things are flowing nice there. I don't know that I would want to move to Nevada. I can honestly say

1165
01:03:35.420 --> 01:03:40.500
guess what, you don't have to decide that at this stage. I think that's what I I don't know if you

1166
01:03:40.500 --> 01:03:46.100
saw my response to you. No. Okay. Yeah, I responded to you. And that's what I was just saying, like,

1167
01:03:46.760 --> 01:03:52.460
this is a win. You know, you got the video chat right now, just you're still in that get to know

1168
01:03:52.460 --> 01:03:57.980
you face, right? You don't have to make any big decisions right now. You're still getting to know

1169
01:03:57.840 --> 01:04:04.940
him. You don't have to sit here and project in the future. Just be in here now. Get to know him.

1170
01:04:04.940 --> 01:04:08.600
What do you like? What do you not like? Do you have some things in common?

1171
01:04:09.820 --> 01:04:20.380
How far away is he from you? Well, I'm in Alaska. So he's, he's quite. Yeah. Okay. Is there a

1172
01:04:20.380 --> 01:04:24.740
possibility of y'all being able to meet in person within like the next like six weeks, you think?

1173
01:04:24.800 --> 01:04:32.080
Or what do you think that might look like? I don't know. He's, he's trying to buy a home

1174
01:04:32.080 --> 01:04:38.120
in a town that's in this town, but he's staying. He's renting in another town. He just moved there

1175
01:04:38.300 --> 01:04:44.240
in August. And with the government shut down, he just retired and he just got Social Security.

1176
01:04:44.680 --> 01:04:49.840
So in order for him to buy the house, the bank wants a letter from Social Security.

1177
01:04:51.120 --> 01:04:56.300
And yeah, just kidding. So so that's kind of his hold up. Although he's got money in the bank to

1178
01:04:56.300 --> 01:04:58.640
you know, plenty of money, but

1179
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.480
They won't and he's putting like a third down on the house, but he's they won't proceed till he yeah

1180
01:05:08.700 --> 01:05:12.380
So security, so I don't know

1181
01:05:14.240 --> 01:05:18.200
Yeah, and he's he's just gonna be you know in the process of

1182
01:05:19.520 --> 01:05:23.000
Unpacking when he does get in the house. So and

1183
01:05:23.880 --> 01:05:28.120
So I don't I don't I'm not really looking at anything

1184
01:05:28.120 --> 01:05:33.080
Yeah, keep things low stakes right now keep things, you know, just

1185
01:05:34.900 --> 01:05:36.000
We're not gonna

1186
01:05:36.940 --> 01:05:42.820
Find out all the the details all the deep dark, you know, we're not deep diving here

1187
01:05:42.820 --> 01:05:46.720
Find out interest likes everyday life what you know

1188
01:05:48.700 --> 01:05:52.140
Make sure that you're doing some video calls try to do that maybe once a week

1189
01:05:52.620 --> 01:05:57.900
Right now kind of keep the pace. Okay, we want to just again continue to keep being in community

1190
01:05:57.900 --> 01:06:02.000
Let us know what's happening what your conversations are

1191
01:06:02.000 --> 01:06:08.340
Like what kinds of things you're talking about so that if we kind of see anything kind of going in a left field here

1192
01:06:08.340 --> 01:06:10.280
We can kind of help steer you back

1193
01:06:10.460 --> 01:06:13.600
So that way we kind of keep things pacing. Well

1194
01:06:14.720 --> 01:06:15.240
and

1195
01:06:15.280 --> 01:06:15.800
then

1196
01:06:16.240 --> 01:06:18.520
Let's see how that goes for a couple weeks

1197
01:06:18.700 --> 01:06:26.020
See if he brings up a time for y'all to meet in person because long distance you do definitely want to meet sooner rather than

1198
01:06:26.020 --> 01:06:27.180
later because again

1199
01:06:27.900 --> 01:06:31.820
in person it translates differently than just

1200
01:06:33.000 --> 01:06:34.360
FaceTime or

1201
01:06:34.360 --> 01:06:40.060
You know texting or messaging and phone calls. The energy is different. I mean

1202
01:06:40.880 --> 01:06:46.620
Well, go ahead. We haven't done a video chat. I know his okay the Internet

1203
01:06:46.660 --> 01:06:53.460
Or not the Internet his phone. Whatever is they you know, sometimes it kind of drops. He has

1204
01:06:54.220 --> 01:06:55.780
Well, then let's try to get

1205
01:06:56.940 --> 01:07:03.520
For sure because we want to see that he's actually the person he says he is that's important. Okay

1206
01:07:04.880 --> 01:07:09.140
So see if you can do that within the next week or two

1207
01:07:10.580 --> 01:07:14.700
All right, because we're gonna look and see like what his responses are

1208
01:07:15.860 --> 01:07:18.400
Because I don't want you to get in over your head

1209
01:07:19.220 --> 01:07:24.800
Because you're sitting here like I don't know if I can move I don't want you even go in there yet, okay

1210
01:07:27.680 --> 01:07:28.760
Yeah, yeah

1211
01:07:30.540 --> 01:07:34.360
But the funny thing is that church Sunday there's this

1212
01:07:35.520 --> 01:07:40.600
We don't have hardly any singles or widowers or anybody in our church

1213
01:07:41.020 --> 01:07:45.760
And there is this man at 77 that he asked me on a date last year

1214
01:07:45.760 --> 01:07:53.520
He's like 14 years older than me and he won some tickets to dinner and this show and I didn't go

1215
01:07:54.080 --> 01:07:57.980
But he he told me he saw me on a dating website

1216
01:07:57.980 --> 01:08:02.920
And I don't know where it was and he sent me a heart and he says I don't want you to think I'm

1217
01:08:03.520 --> 01:08:04.780
Stalking you but

1218
01:08:05.460 --> 01:08:09.220
Then he kind of asked me out again

1219
01:08:09.260 --> 01:08:15.300
He said well, he kind of left it open, but he said, you know, or you know, if you're not interested

1220
01:08:15.300 --> 01:08:18.380
you know, even as a friend we could go out for coffee and

1221
01:08:19.600 --> 01:08:21.800
so I it was kind of a

1222
01:08:22.479 --> 01:08:25.300
uncomfortable situation the first time and

1223
01:08:26.460 --> 01:08:32.040
So but I think I'm to the point where I would I would go with him for coffee as a friend

1224
01:08:32.040 --> 01:08:38.700
I mean, yeah, yes, it might be nice. He's probably just again. He's he's much longer and he's lonely

1225
01:08:39.479 --> 01:08:40.040
Yeah

1226
01:08:41.420 --> 01:08:44.620
Absolutely. And just yeah, make sure it's public place

1227
01:08:44.620 --> 01:08:50.620
Yeah, so that you you're because I want you to feel comfortable to like you should also

1228
01:08:50.880 --> 01:08:57.000
Like I don't want you to feel like you have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation

1229
01:08:57.680 --> 01:09:03.420
Ladies, that's always important. Like yes, we want you to be open to giving guys

1230
01:09:03.420 --> 01:09:05.740
You know an opportunity just to get to know people

1231
01:09:05.740 --> 01:09:10.240
Like again, Jackie wanted me to go on dates with guys that she's like, this isn't a love connection

1232
01:09:10.279 --> 01:09:13.840
You just need to get out and just have interactions with people

1233
01:09:14.720 --> 01:09:16.180
That was it

1234
01:09:16.740 --> 01:09:21.340
But it doesn't mean that you have to be put putting yourself in situations where you're like, I'm uncomfortable

1235
01:09:21.920 --> 01:09:24.460
Like that is not fun either

1236
01:09:24.479 --> 01:09:31.479
Like it needs to be enjoyable to a sense that you're actually going to enjoy your time of getting to know someone

1237
01:09:32.160 --> 01:09:40.460
So public place having a cup of coffee, you know talking about something that interests you that interest him as well

1238
01:09:41.880 --> 01:09:42.520
and

1239
01:09:42.520 --> 01:09:48.680
Don't be afraid to just be very transparent. Like this is not a love connection for me

1240
01:09:49.319 --> 01:09:53.880
He doesn't respect that then you can end things you can get up and walk away

1241
01:09:55.660 --> 01:09:59.660
Don't feel like you have to make yourself smaller to make

1242
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:07.560
someone feel better because they're lonely like that's not that's not good either all right

1243
01:10:07.560 --> 01:10:17.500
he's a very very social person and um so i know and i knew his wife and when he moved here and

1244
01:10:17.520 --> 01:10:25.700
so he's not like a foreigner yeah well and maybe even if you wanted to do like a group thing and

1245
01:10:25.700 --> 01:10:31.320
a couple other friends together and y'all go hang out as a group so that way he's not lonely but it

1246
01:10:31.320 --> 01:10:36.840
doesn't have to feel like a date if that's even something that you want to offer up if that would

1247
01:10:36.840 --> 01:10:44.560
make you feel more comfortable but pray about it and see what you know what make like what feels

1248
01:10:44.560 --> 01:10:53.580
peaceful in your heart but let's get that video date with mr nevada okay and just keep us posted

1249
01:10:53.580 --> 01:10:58.640
about how the conversations are flowing okay because i don't want him deep dive in too much

1250
01:10:58.640 --> 01:11:03.020
information about his personal life that you feel like you have to return that same information

1251
01:11:03.020 --> 01:11:11.720
we don't want we don't want too much deep information being shared too soon before we

1252
01:11:11.720 --> 01:11:21.280
really know is this guy like legitimately wanting to have relationship is this potentially able to

1253
01:11:21.280 --> 01:11:30.560
be a actual relationship where y'all can have a long distance see each other sort of

1254
01:11:33.340 --> 01:11:37.160
interaction because then that will eventually need to be talked about and we'll go from there

1255
01:11:37.160 --> 01:11:40.900
but you're not in that you don't have to think about that right now because right now you're

1256
01:11:40.900 --> 01:11:46.840
just getting to know him right sound good awesome so just keep us posted

1257
01:11:49.180 --> 01:11:58.680
awesome cam what's your update how did things go with um with your guy um so it's going well so

1258
01:11:58.680 --> 01:12:04.080
okay remember i had the issue with the the body odor thing that was just a one-time fluke thing

1259
01:12:04.080 --> 01:12:10.680
um we want to so we've had date eight and nine now okay so um body odor was just a one

1260
01:12:10.680 --> 01:12:18.120
one off yeah okay and i you know my and even like that's my perfectionism kicking in like

1261
01:12:18.140 --> 01:12:22.540
everybody's you know it's like i i realize that i'm like you know you got to give him grace and

1262
01:12:22.540 --> 01:12:27.100
i mean he was perfectly fine we went to the botanical gardens on our eighth date and walked

1263
01:12:27.100 --> 01:12:31.940
around and it was hot and there was some sweating going on i know and he didn't smell at all so

1264
01:12:32.040 --> 01:12:36.120
i think i don't know if he forgot his deodorant that day or what happened but you know it happened

1265
01:12:36.120 --> 01:12:40.040
and i'm sure you know like in marriage there's just a few times where your spouse and sometimes

1266
01:12:40.040 --> 01:12:46.440
you gotta yeah right so that so that's gone i i've let that go but anyway so yeah that was the

1267
01:12:46.440 --> 01:12:52.380
eighth date so my ninth date was pretty much incredible um we went to a lantern festival

1268
01:12:52.380 --> 01:12:58.040
where you release those lanterns and there were so it got canceled for saturday because it rained

1269
01:12:58.040 --> 01:13:02.740
here so they had two two they were going to do it two days so there was a lot of people so there

1270
01:13:02.740 --> 01:13:11.380
was 10 000 people there um so 10 000 lanterns got sent into the sky it was so beautiful i can't even

1271
01:13:11.380 --> 01:13:15.660
tell you how great it was so you're in st louis right is that what i'm in st louis yes oh that's

1272
01:13:15.660 --> 01:13:21.460
had been it was so cool but what was really neat about the date okay he picked me up at 1 30 and

1273
01:13:21.600 --> 01:13:26.220
the lantern releases at 7 30 but they told us to get there early but this is kind of i've never

1274
01:13:26.220 --> 01:13:31.240
been to this event and with this many people i mean it can be a stressful situation sometimes

1275
01:13:31.240 --> 01:13:36.140
because you get there's the parking and that you know it kind of true colors come out like

1276
01:13:36.140 --> 01:13:41.840
with people like anxiety or you know or getting stressed out or where do we park and how do we do

1277
01:13:42.160 --> 01:13:50.460
this i was so impressed like we navigated this whole thing seamlessly as old people like i was

1278
01:13:50.460 --> 01:13:58.860
like we we rocked this like it was so good um and i in in my past i was in a relationship for almost

1279
01:13:58.860 --> 01:14:04.540
10 years um there whenever we would go to big events like this there was always anxiety

1280
01:14:05.140 --> 01:14:11.040
and tension even though we enjoyed it but there was always this stressful it just underlying

1281
01:14:11.540 --> 01:14:22.360
thing yeah i was so at peace the entire time he was so calm so collected just so there for me like

1282
01:14:22.360 --> 01:14:27.820
we had to walk across this field which a big field like because it was it was a lot of walking

1283
01:14:28.380 --> 01:14:33.480
but he took my hand i mean like you know because like the ground was uneven everything was just

1284
01:14:33.580 --> 01:14:38.280
i don't know it was great and we were interacting with a lot of people like there were young people

1285
01:14:38.360 --> 01:14:46.380
kids i just really got to see him and he got to see me in a a very interesting like situation

1286
01:14:46.900 --> 01:14:53.220
yeah and it was just so great and when the lanterns went up he said oh my gosh this is

1287
01:14:53.220 --> 01:14:59.880
like heaven and i was like it is it just felt so incredible

1288
01:15:00.560 --> 01:15:06.980
And so then later, so we got back, and I invited him in. We sat and just sat and watched a little TV,

1289
01:15:07.080 --> 01:15:13.080
but really weren't watching TV. We were talking more. And I guess the God thing came up again.

1290
01:15:13.080 --> 01:15:17.160
Anyway, I just said to him something about, you know, that's when I finally said,

1291
01:15:18.920 --> 01:15:24.960
if you ever, you know, would like to go to church with me, or I said, I could even send you the live stream,

1292
01:15:24.960 --> 01:15:28.340
and you could just see what you think. And he goes, no, I'd rather do it in person.

1293
01:15:28.340 --> 01:15:33.980
But he was totally open to coming to church, to my church. So I'm still a little like,

1294
01:15:34.060 --> 01:15:39.640
I'm not so sure I want him coming to my church yet. But the fact that he was open,

1295
01:15:39.680 --> 01:15:45.040
because that was that next phase that I don't know if it was you or Ebony talked to me about,

1296
01:15:45.160 --> 01:15:48.440
but to bring that up, and he sounds like he's completely open.

1297
01:15:50.520 --> 01:15:54.640
So one of the things I just wanted to say, tell the community, I'm just going to say,

1298
01:15:54.640 --> 01:16:00.640
and even to Leah, like, all right, he's older than me, right? I told you, he's like 12 years older than me.

1299
01:16:01.400 --> 01:16:08.060
So, but God, the package you think it's coming, I mean, I'm not saying he's my person yet,

1300
01:16:08.220 --> 01:16:12.640
but I am starting to get into my feels a little bit, and I'm nervous about it.

1301
01:16:14.140 --> 01:16:19.540
But I just think that it's just amazing what God can do through, you just don't know,

1302
01:16:19.580 --> 01:16:24.220
you put a judgment on something, and I did, I put a judgment on this, and I was afraid,

1303
01:16:24.220 --> 01:16:31.380
but I mean, he is just continually surprising me, and it's getting better and better and better.

1304
01:16:31.800 --> 01:16:36.240
So God is good. I don't know. I keep praying to him. I said, look, look, Lord,

1305
01:16:36.320 --> 01:16:40.280
I'm starting to get into my feels a little bit. I said, no, I don't think, I said, I haven't heard the no yet,

1306
01:16:40.320 --> 01:16:44.980
but you're not going to let us both like fall for one another and then say no, are you?

1307
01:16:45.480 --> 01:16:51.280
Like, you wouldn't do that, would you? And so I'm like, you know, but then I heard people that say they've got,

1308
01:16:51.280 --> 01:16:58.000
I think it was Renee that I heard she got all the way to Simba's with somebody, and then it was a no.

1309
01:16:58.400 --> 01:17:03.100
So it's like, oh, I don't, I don't want to, you know, I don't know if I can tell God that,

1310
01:17:03.220 --> 01:17:10.780
but I don't want to do that. I don't want to get all the way to something like that and then have the no come.

1311
01:17:11.220 --> 01:17:15.740
I feel like my heart's been through it. I mean, I'm older. I've been through plenty of relationships.

1312
01:17:15.740 --> 01:17:21.620
I haven't done this right. I finally decided to invite God into my dating and let him be my partner.

1313
01:17:22.400 --> 01:17:27.400
And I just don't want that to happen. So I'm nervous about starting to have feelings.

1314
01:17:28.100 --> 01:17:33.580
My other question to you, though, also is so now I don't really want to date anybody else.

1315
01:17:33.580 --> 01:17:36.760
I was thinking about keeping it open, but now I'm kind of like don't want to.

1316
01:17:36.920 --> 01:17:41.560
And I don't know if I should or I shouldn't or just stick with this guy and see where it goes with this guy.

1317
01:17:41.560 --> 01:17:46.020
I think you're like eight, nine dates in now. It's like you're at level two,

1318
01:17:46.140 --> 01:17:50.900
but you're in the deep part of level two where it's going to potentially start going into that level three.

1319
01:17:51.140 --> 01:17:58.980
I think now like you guys have had enough dates where, yeah, I wouldn't, I wouldn't cross that line.

1320
01:17:59.220 --> 01:18:04.520
Okay. So then, and I think then I'm probably ready to move to phase three. Right.

1321
01:18:04.520 --> 01:18:09.000
I mean, I don't know. I mean, I've been here for a New York minute.

1322
01:18:09.000 --> 01:18:14.820
Like I joined this program in January. Yeah. And I'm just now, you know, I'm still in here.

1323
01:18:15.300 --> 01:18:20.420
So it's taken me a while. Yeah. You've walked this so well.

1324
01:18:20.500 --> 01:18:23.780
Like that's why I don't want you to get so hung up on this.

1325
01:18:23.960 --> 01:18:31.520
Is God just going to yank the carpet out from under me? Like that's, I don't think he would do that, but I don't think that's it.

1326
01:18:31.520 --> 01:18:40.900
And yes, there are people that go into Simbis, but again, my experience, because again, I, my husband and I went in Simbis as well.

1327
01:18:40.940 --> 01:18:45.580
And so there were a lot of couples that were in Simbis with us that were in it very quickly.

1328
01:18:46.140 --> 01:18:59.560
I mean, even my husband and I were in Simbis fairly quickly, but it's not everybody that goes into Simbis is in the right state of going into Simbis.

1329
01:18:59.560 --> 01:19:07.540
Like, and that's why it's important to go there because if people are there and they shouldn't be there, it's going to pull them out.

1330
01:19:08.100 --> 01:19:19.500
Like, that's why, like, so I don't want you to think like, oh, it's just like, oh, we really just felt like, and then all of a sudden it's like, no, it's, it's there to kind of be that protective.

1331
01:19:19.680 --> 01:19:24.800
It's there to protect you, not to like crush you. Does that make sense?

1332
01:19:24.800 --> 01:19:36.060
I don't want that to make, I don't want it to be this like anxious feeling, like where you're scared of it when it actually is something that you, you're going to want to know if it's a no.

1333
01:19:36.960 --> 01:19:37.880
Does that make sense?

1334
01:19:38.480 --> 01:19:43.920
And it won't be this like heavy thing.

1335
01:19:44.260 --> 01:19:47.820
You're going to actually be relieved for it. Does that make sense?

1336
01:19:48.780 --> 01:19:59.980
Like, because you're in the right heart posture, like, I mean, I've coached you now for a while like you've come with the right heart posture and the open, like, I'm not.

1337
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.080
not concerned for that for you, if that makes sense.

1338
01:20:04.760 --> 01:20:04.760


1339
01:20:05.060 --> 01:20:05.500
Okay.

1340
01:20:06.120 --> 01:20:08.360
What I love, I wanna just touch on,

1341
01:20:08.460 --> 01:20:10.380
cause I think these are teachable moments for the ladies.

1342
01:20:12.460 --> 01:20:15.420
I love what you said that, you know,

1343
01:20:15.420 --> 01:20:18.400
we think we know what the package is gonna look like,

1344
01:20:18.740 --> 01:20:20.660
but it doesn't always look that way.

1345
01:20:20.660 --> 01:20:22.560
Like that was the same with my husband.

1346
01:20:23.120 --> 01:20:26.060
I mean, I looked at his photos and I'm like,

1347
01:20:26.120 --> 01:20:28.100
well, he's not a bad looking guy, but he's just not that,

1348
01:20:28.780 --> 01:20:30.000
I didn't think he's that attractive.

1349
01:20:31.700 --> 01:20:33.680
I didn't think that was the package

1350
01:20:33.680 --> 01:20:35.320
of what it was gonna look like.

1351
01:20:36.540 --> 01:20:36.540


1352
01:20:36.540 --> 01:20:40.740
But obviously like I am very, very attracted to my husband.

1353
01:20:41.060 --> 01:20:43.860
I mean, he's still sometimes is like a little like

1354
01:20:43.860 --> 01:20:46.500
side eye with me when I, you know, I say that.

1355
01:20:48.220 --> 01:20:50.400
I don't know how he always feels about it.

1356
01:20:50.520 --> 01:20:56.480
I'm like, seriously though, like it wasn't what I expected,

1357
01:20:56.480 --> 01:20:59.760
but it was everything that I needed and wanted.

1358
01:21:00.360 --> 01:21:01.380
Like, if that makes sense.

1359
01:21:01.680 --> 01:21:02.460
Yes, it does.

1360
01:21:03.080 --> 01:21:05.960
So I love that when you share that ladies,

1361
01:21:06.080 --> 01:21:08.480
cause that's a lot of the stories in our community

1362
01:21:09.340 --> 01:21:12.620
is it's not at all what we would have imagined,

1363
01:21:12.920 --> 01:21:14.080
but it's way better.

1364
01:21:16.040 --> 01:21:18.640
And so once we kind of get past this idea

1365
01:21:18.640 --> 01:21:20.580
of what we think it's supposed to be like,

1366
01:21:20.720 --> 01:21:23.280
and we really actually open ourselves up

1367
01:21:23.280 --> 01:21:25.340
to what God like has for us,

1368
01:21:25.340 --> 01:21:27.460
we actually see it's even better

1369
01:21:27.460 --> 01:21:28.880
than what we thought it could be.

1370
01:21:29.740 --> 01:21:31.480
So I love that you shared that.

1371
01:21:32.400 --> 01:21:36.880
And I love, and ladies, I wanna encourage you,

1372
01:21:37.060 --> 01:21:38.980
like when you're going out on dates with guys,

1373
01:21:39.180 --> 01:21:41.980
especially when you get into like a few dates with somebody

1374
01:21:41.980 --> 01:21:44.620
that you're potentially like wanting to see like,

1375
01:21:44.680 --> 01:21:45.740
am I interested in this?

1376
01:21:45.840 --> 01:21:46.580
Is this a yes?

1377
01:21:46.660 --> 01:21:47.860
Or is it a no?

1378
01:21:48.480 --> 01:21:51.720
Go on dates that put you in stressful situations.

1379
01:21:52.720 --> 01:21:55.900
You wanna see what these guys are like under pressure.

1380
01:21:56.360 --> 01:21:59.740
You wanna see what you are like under pressure around them.

1381
01:22:00.240 --> 01:22:01.700
How do you respond?

1382
01:22:02.360 --> 01:22:03.180
How do they respond?

1383
01:22:04.260 --> 01:22:05.260
How do you respond?

1384
01:22:05.300 --> 01:22:09.000
And how do they respond to your response is important.

1385
01:22:10.120 --> 01:22:14.340
How do y'all respond together in high pressure situations?

1386
01:22:14.960 --> 01:22:21.220
It reminds me of a time, I think it was maybe our fourth day

1387
01:22:21.220 --> 01:22:25.780
I think it was probably about a month or so in,

1388
01:22:27.380 --> 01:22:29.660
about a month or so, month and a half in

1389
01:22:29.660 --> 01:22:31.060
to knowing each other.

1390
01:22:31.800 --> 01:22:37.080
My husband parked and he was, again, he was renting a car

1391
01:22:38.000 --> 01:22:42.820
because he was in Florida and he's from Texas.

1392
01:22:43.780 --> 01:22:45.520
And his car got towed.

1393
01:22:47.540 --> 01:22:50.240
And y'all, I don't handle those kinds of situations well.

1394
01:22:50.880 --> 01:22:54.100
Like that is a big stressor for me.

1395
01:22:54.300 --> 01:22:55.980
Like if I cannot get my transportation

1396
01:22:55.980 --> 01:22:57.960
because I've had my car stolen,

1397
01:22:58.280 --> 01:23:00.020
I've had my car towed several times,

1398
01:23:00.040 --> 01:23:02.800
I do not like being somewhere where I cannot

1399
01:23:02.800 --> 01:23:04.500
literally get myself to where I need to go.

1400
01:23:04.620 --> 01:23:06.060
And I know now there's Uber,

1401
01:23:06.440 --> 01:23:10.160
but like when I was growing up in my 20s and stuff,

1402
01:23:10.200 --> 01:23:11.500
like that was not a thing.

1403
01:23:12.240 --> 01:23:14.740
Like if you got your car towed or stolen,

1404
01:23:14.820 --> 01:23:17.060
like you were stuck there, right?

1405
01:23:17.060 --> 01:23:19.460
Even taxis were a little sketch, okay?

1406
01:23:19.460 --> 01:23:22.900
So when that happened, I was like, oh my gosh.

1407
01:23:23.260 --> 01:23:25.960
He handled it with like, it was not a big deal.

1408
01:23:26.940 --> 01:23:29.580
And I'm like, what?

1409
01:23:30.380 --> 01:23:31.560
Like, is this guy for real?

1410
01:23:32.020 --> 01:23:34.820
I'm like, this is the kind of guy that I need

1411
01:23:34.820 --> 01:23:35.960
in a stressful situation.

1412
01:23:36.120 --> 01:23:39.840
Like he is gonna handle, he's gonna help calm me down

1413
01:23:39.840 --> 01:23:41.540
when I'm in stressful situations.

1414
01:23:41.660 --> 01:23:43.120
And that's what I need in a husband.

1415
01:23:44.100 --> 01:23:45.480
Like it was just one of those things,

1416
01:23:45.480 --> 01:23:49.640
like when I'm stressed, he's not gonna be,

1417
01:23:50.520 --> 01:23:51.200
that's what I need.

1418
01:23:52.500 --> 01:23:55.800
Like I wanted to see that, I needed to see that.

1419
01:23:56.080 --> 01:23:59.300
I didn't need someone that was gonna feed my anxiety

1420
01:23:59.300 --> 01:24:00.120
and my stress.

1421
01:24:00.420 --> 01:24:01.980
Like that was not gonna be good.

1422
01:24:02.940 --> 01:24:04.240
You know, I didn't need someone else

1423
01:24:04.240 --> 01:24:06.600
that was gonna like have a hissy fit

1424
01:24:06.600 --> 01:24:08.240
that if I was in a mood,

1425
01:24:08.780 --> 01:24:11.220
like it was just gonna add to the fire.

1426
01:24:11.220 --> 01:24:12.960
Like, nope.

1427
01:24:13.840 --> 01:24:16.140
My husband is like the problem solver

1428
01:24:16.940 --> 01:24:20.140
where I'm like the 50 things can go wrong.

1429
01:24:20.460 --> 01:24:21.420
Like what if this happens?

1430
01:24:21.560 --> 01:24:22.060
What if this happens?

1431
01:24:22.180 --> 01:24:22.840
What if this happens?

1432
01:24:23.140 --> 01:24:24.840
And he's like, well, then this will just happen.

1433
01:24:24.960 --> 01:24:26.140
And then we'll just do this.

1434
01:24:26.260 --> 01:24:28.220
And sometimes like, no, that can't,

1435
01:24:28.320 --> 01:24:32.100
like he's just the, but this, we'll just do this.

1436
01:24:32.400 --> 01:24:34.580
And I still will sometimes combat it.

1437
01:24:35.580 --> 01:24:38.080
But he's just like, stop, like chill out.

1438
01:24:39.800 --> 01:24:44.180
So it's good if you can find yourself on dates

1439
01:24:44.180 --> 01:24:46.220
that can put you in this high stressful situation.

1440
01:24:46.520 --> 01:24:50.000
So find an event in your area that has a lot of people

1441
01:24:50.240 --> 01:24:52.080
and there'll be crowds of people

1442
01:24:52.220 --> 01:24:53.880
and they have to deal with the parking

1443
01:24:54.180 --> 01:24:56.880
and lots of people, annoying people,

1444
01:24:57.040 --> 01:24:58.380
especially annoying people.

1445
01:24:59.260 --> 01:24:59.980
Like get.

1446
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.940
around some annoying people, you're gonna see a side of

1447
01:25:03.140 --> 01:25:07.660
somebody y'all yourself come out around because I know some of

1448
01:25:07.660 --> 01:25:11.900
y'all like I know myself. Like I literally like put the charm on

1449
01:25:11.900 --> 01:25:16.420
and everything you get me around some people that are like snippy

1450
01:25:16.680 --> 01:25:26.880
and rude. The South Side girl will come out. Y'all will hear

1451
01:25:26.880 --> 01:25:29.860
like Jackie say like, you grow up on the South Side of the

1452
01:25:29.860 --> 01:25:34.340
kingdom. Like she grew up in Cleveland. Or was it like

1453
01:25:34.340 --> 01:25:37.080
Cincinnati? I can't remember. She grew up in Ohio. She grew up

1454
01:25:37.080 --> 01:25:41.060
you know, she was a tough cookie. Like you get me around

1455
01:25:41.060 --> 01:25:46.220
to some people like come to some of my son's like 10 year old

1456
01:25:46.220 --> 01:25:49.260
travel ball games and some of those parents that get feisty.

1457
01:25:50.420 --> 01:25:55.060
Me and one of the other moms, we will throw down. And then we're

1458
01:25:55.060 --> 01:25:58.440
in the corner asking for forgiveness from Jesus. God said

1459
01:25:58.440 --> 01:26:05.100
it was okay. They were out of line. So get yourself around

1460
01:26:05.100 --> 01:26:08.480
some of those situations. See how they interact. Like do can

1461
01:26:08.960 --> 01:26:13.600
they like do they mesh with you? Do you mesh with them? So

1462
01:26:13.600 --> 01:26:17.360
that's always good too. Alright, so don't don't be afraid to have

1463
01:26:17.360 --> 01:26:20.240
those type of dates either when you're going into like a third

1464
01:26:20.340 --> 01:26:24.880
date. Okay. Those are going to let you really see a person and

1465
01:26:24.880 --> 01:26:28.060
it's going to let them see you. And it's going to allow you to

1466
01:26:28.060 --> 01:26:31.700
see can you be yourself around a person and how are they going

1467
01:26:31.700 --> 01:26:34.960
to respond to you as well? Because you want to be able to

1468
01:26:34.960 --> 01:26:38.600
be yourself and your flaws around them. And you're going to

1469
01:26:38.600 --> 01:26:41.160
want to see how they respond to you. One of the things that I

1470
01:26:41.160 --> 01:26:44.760
love about my husband is sometimes when there's the not

1471
01:26:44.760 --> 01:26:48.120
so great parts of me that come out, my husband can love me

1472
01:26:48.120 --> 01:26:52.180
through them. But he can also tell me the hard things. And

1473
01:26:52.180 --> 01:26:56.100
then I can do the same to him. Like when there's some things

1474
01:26:56.100 --> 01:26:58.880
in him, I'm like, honey, that's not that doesn't look good on

1475
01:27:00.080 --> 01:27:04.660
you. And we can literally love each other through that. That

1476
01:27:04.660 --> 01:27:10.720
iron sharpens iron piece. Okay, ladies, it's been fun. I love

1477
01:27:10.820 --> 01:27:15.520
you all. Come to the app, share what's up. Let us know what's

1478
01:27:15.520 --> 01:27:19.360
going on in your life. Okay, don't be a stranger. I'll see

1479
01:27:19.360 --> 01:27:21.840
you all next week. Jump on tonight if you can with Ebony

1480
01:27:21.840 --> 01:27:26.620
and have a very blessed week ladies. See you later.