WEBVTT

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And I'm going to put a song, I hope everyone has been having a good week, that you are

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filled with joy.

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And just in case you're not, I hope that by the time we're done with the call, that you'll

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get a little joy in, a little laugh in, a little hope in, some pepper in your step,

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and some joy in your faith journey that we're all on.

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And so, oh, thanks, Heather.

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Hey, Lauren, I want an update from you tonight, if at all possible, and Lori, if at all possible.

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Yeah, you Lori T'Challa, I guess, I've never called your last name before, but is there

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anyone on for the first time?

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You Susan Nochi?

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No.

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Second?

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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All right.

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Let's go.

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Let's dive in.

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We want to make use of all our time.

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I count it on my way home from work today, that if I spent a total of five minutes with

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each person, you talk for two, I talk for three, or you talk for three, I talk for two,

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that I can get like 15 people in.

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So I'm like, let's go, it's 7-0-1.

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The first hand I saw was D, go for it, girl.

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So, all right.

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Hello.

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Good afternoon.

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It's still morning for me.

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I kind of woke up and rolled onto the computer to give this face.

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Okay.

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So I've had some developments literally five minutes ago.

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And so that's kind of thrown me a little, but I just wanted to talk a little bit about

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Mr. Man Man Man.

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Yeah.

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But also just to give you a quick update on what's happening with the others that I mentioned

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recently.

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And thank you for your comments.

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I just haven't had time to actually say thank you and answer back.

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You and Carla are amazing.

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But with regard to the smoky person yesterday, he went in on some kind of weird, this week

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it was like, I think I saw you at pizza.

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I think I saw you.

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And so he responded back.

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Oh, where?

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Because it couldn't be me.

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Because in Sabbath, by the way, I'm at home, resting or maybe in church, I think.

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But anyway, I was like, oh, where?

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And then it was like, that was awareness then or whatever.

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And then he responded back at pizza place.

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So I hadn't had a chance to respond.

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And then he sent that post that I sent you about the smoke or whatever.

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Anyway, as I was ruminating on it, I thought I'm going to respond back and just let him

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know that I'm not, just double check.

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Are you a smoker?

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But I think it was very clear he's a smoker.

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Anyway, since then, he said, hey, are we going to make it?

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He sounds a bit, I knew there was something about him anyways, why I didn't give him a

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number.

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But I also thought I saw you on the back of a Harley with some big guy.

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What?

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Like 6'4", whatever, 240 pounds.

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I was like, that's probably why she's not in comms.

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I mean, what?

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Anyway, anyway, I'm going to sign off here.

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I mean, girls in person, it seems to be the go-to.

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So I hadn't even formulated my response before I saw that.

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It was almost there.

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So I just responded, hello, neither of these females are me.

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Agreed, meeting in person is the ideal.

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I'm not a smoker.

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I noticed your previous message.

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It seems we're not a good fit.

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All the best.

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You know, I'm just like, done.

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Yeah.

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And then I got back.

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Anyway, I'm done with him, but I quit smoking a long time ago.

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Thanks for that, pointing that out.

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It's just marijuana.

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I mean, what, does he eat it?

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Like, anyway, next, right?

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Just something to give you a little laugh.

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That just happened.

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But aside from that, someone that I, you know, I've been so busy and I've been getting all

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these requests and I got sick and all of that.

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Someone popped up a few minutes ago and he looks pretty cute.

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And he literally went straight for it.

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I didn't respond to him.

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Last comment back to him was back in September, I realized, because it's so many people.

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I just haven't, you know, had the energy time bandwidth.

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And anyway, he popped up.

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I'll tell you, God's working a thing.

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At the risk of looking silly and hopelessly desperate, I wanted to reach out again and

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see if he'd like to get together for lunch or a drink sometime.

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And I responded, yes.

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So there's a new one.

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I haven't named him yet.

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Give me time.

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There's someone else, Mr. Hairy.

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We'll talk about him on the chat.

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But essentially, most importantly, I'm rushing because I know that we've got limited time.

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Mr. Man, man, man.

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So we moved back from Hawaii to California.

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And it's hot.

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And we've been in contact.

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Where I am is that this is the first time I've dated for discovery, for fun.

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So it's the first time I've dated really in this way.

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So I'm sticking to that assignment.

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but I realized that we are very fond of each other.

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Now we could just be friends, like I mentioned,

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you know, we've got such a good rapport,

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we really get on, like, I mean, if nothing else,

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he's a friend for life, hopefully,

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you never know with people,

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but we've got that kind of a connection,

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like really good rapport.

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So I am trying not to read into it,

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but it is that thing where absence makes the heart

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go thunder, like, what's going on?

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Like, what is going on?

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Like, what's going on?

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And so, yeah, I mean, we don't have to,

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again, we don't have to talk about it here,

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and if you would suggest a one-on-one,

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and that's kind of where I was going last week,

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because I don't really know,

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and I need to spill out all my feelings and stuff,

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but I don't know what I'm feeling,

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if I'm feeling anything, or if this is just normal,

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if that makes sense.

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And so we continue to rapport by text,

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we haven't had a phone call yet,

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he's always been very keen, like, you know,

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he gives the impression, like, every time I respond,

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that it's always good to hear from you.

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You know, due to the time zone now, the difference,

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when I'm able to chat,

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which is typically the time we would have chatted before,

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and it's just my only availability time for anyone,

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it's late over there,

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so he's in bed already, or whatever,

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and I've realised the last time, again,

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that I was chatting away, and like,

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oh, wait a minute, you know, it's late.

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So I sent a response back,

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apologised, then I realised,

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but, you know, I got a kind of, you know,

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it's always good to hear, you know,

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whenever you can fit me in,

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he's got that kind of communication,

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he always has done with me,

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because he knows I've got a lot happening,

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and running a business, et cetera.

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So I'm just kind of just,

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I mean, my question, I suppose, to you is,

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do you suggest, I'd love to have a one-on-one with you,

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so I don't know if that's where we can unpack it,

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because I don't really think we have the time,

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but you know best, right?

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I don't know, maybe I'm not even articulating it very well.

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Maybe I could, I could provide some feedback,

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so that you can kind of navigate,

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and we're at seven seconds.

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But I would say to consider that,

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that, okay, some dynamics are happening.

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He's about the best one that you've talked to,

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that you really like,

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you haven't had any other contenders,

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so that could be highlighting him more.

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Also, he could be highlighted more,

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because now you can't get to the thing you liked,

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and that creates this thing,

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like it's something more than what it is,

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it's just because you can't get it.

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So it's that delayed gratification,

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versus that more instant gratification.

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He does make space for who you are,

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seemingly through his messages,

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like when you have time,

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so that could give you,

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that can make you feel some type of way.

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Like that could be winning little points for you,

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because it's like when you have time,

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because I know that D, you're just so busy.

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And so that could be doing something for you,

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that he considers your time.

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So that means he's considering you,

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and that could give a little soft space for you.

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Like that could just be working in the mix,

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of feeling like you like him so much.

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It's not that it's a wrong feeling,

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but these are some barriers.

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Sometimes we don't add up the variables,

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or the things that's running in the background.

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Yeah.

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So he's considerate of your time,

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he's considerate of what you have going on,

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that could equal that he's a considerate person.

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You may enjoy considerate people,

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maybe you dated people in the past,

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that weren't very considerate of you.

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I'm not sure,

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but they could be winning him some brownie points,

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like you like that about him.

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Now, on the other hand,

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so you may wanna think about the things,

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that are running in the background,

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and then think about the things that are reality.

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You're on different time zones,

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so you won't be able to build relationship.

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If you go down this road of investing,

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you're gonna have to take flights to see each other.

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So that's the thing.

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So there's a distance there,

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and that's gonna slow up the experience.

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So most of your experience,

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is gonna be through communication over Zoom,

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which at the same time you'll be communicating,

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but it will cost you experience,

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so you really don't know the person.

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Yeah.

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And by you being on different time zones,

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you're not trying to keep a check on a person,

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but you really don't know what other life,

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they could have going on,

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because your lives are because of time zone,

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is gonna put you out of touch with each other.

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Mm-hmm.

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And so like, you can process through that,

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and what it really would look like,

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trying to build a relationship,

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because at this point, if you keep talking,

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you're gonna have to do something,

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either you're gonna like him more,

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based on whatever you're thinking about him now,

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or you're gonna make a decision to say,

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hey, it was great getting to know him.

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If we ever connect life again,

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I'll have a chat with you.

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That's how I feel, you know, and it's not,

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I think the other, well, I know,

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but the other thing is, is that it's not,

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I didn't feel that it was a romantic.

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It's weird, it's just like,

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he's just my type of person, like a friend.

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he's he's got the criteria for a good man in my life but that's not like it's not that's not it

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i'm not you know i'm not looking at him like he's the one he has the criteria of the one like in my

262
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mind of what i would have preferred back before heart work but it's not that it's like i think

263
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it's just more like what yeah like you said because he's away you know like what is this

264
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like it could have just been it could just be a great friendship and i'm happy with that if

265
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it or nothing it could just be nothing so again the question is then why why are you i don't

266
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believe i'm not saying you're holding on but this is the question so what is the hold on because

267
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he's not going to even make a good friend because you're in two different time zones

268
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a friend means somebody that you can talk to you can i don't know what your level of friend when

269
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you say this person is going to make a great friend for me how much of a friend could he be

270
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for you and what do you consider a friend do you need friends do you have time for friends

271
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what kind of time do you talk about making yeah so you want an associate why do you want him to

272
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be your associate like what is the the tag what's the hold on because he could just have been a

273
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great experience right and i do have that in my mind like it could have just been a great experience

274
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but we and we have we just have a rapport it's just and yes he could be a really good friend i

275
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my best friends in the uk and that's like crazy i was you know but that's a best friend no i know

276
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i know you already have equity with so you're talking about taking on a new you're talking

277
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about building something new no matter what the relationship is that's true yeah and that's yeah

278
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what is romantic of friendship you're saying he impressed you so much that you want to take time

279
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and invest in becoming his friend i love the way you put it like that but yeah i mean there

280
00:11:51.320 --> 00:11:57.700
was actually a really good connection and so it's like i'm this is the thing because i'm dating it's

281
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like i'm trying to compartmentalize it right because i'm not trying to skew it with a romantic

282
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kind of feelings for him he actually is a really good like he's he's he's got the qualities at

283
00:12:10.020 --> 00:12:14.000
least from what i'm saying is i understand it's been a very short amount of time so it's not like

284
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i've got fairy tales in my head however like i've lived long enough to know

285
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when you when you meet a solid person who is just someone that you just want to

286
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you know just get to know as friends yeah yeah but he did not pursue you as a friend he didn't

287
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ask you to be he pursued you as a romantic interest he didn't make me say hey d be my friend

288
00:12:38.300 --> 00:12:46.020
yeah well i will say just since we've had our talks though we have just had a we just have a

289
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rapport it's both ways it's a really good connection so that's what i mean and again

290
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i don't want to hold up this call on this because it is something to unpack but that's the thing

291
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it's not like it's just me and he's like pursuing me romantically and i'm one going i'll be a friend

292
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or vice versa we just have a really good really it's one of those ones that i just know yeah

293
00:13:04.340 --> 00:13:05.540
he's a he's a he's

294
00:13:08.080 --> 00:13:12.700
i want to sound yeah yeah this is kind of so this is what it kind of boils down to

295
00:13:13.560 --> 00:13:19.440
yeah you're going to ask him if he wants to be your friend platonic friend or not and then there

296
00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:25.360
you go yeah and you got to save all the because you're a great person i can tell that you're solid

297
00:13:25.360 --> 00:13:35.000
i asked him will you be willing to be my platonic friend period i don't see you romantically i do

298
00:13:35.000 --> 00:13:39.860
not desire you romantically i would never desire you romantically make sure you say those words to

299
00:13:39.860 --> 00:13:44.540
him i do not see you romantically i would never desire you romantically i do not want you

300
00:13:44.900 --> 00:13:50.560
romantically i would like to be your friend because i'm in the business of collecting friends

301
00:13:54.480 --> 00:14:02.240
ebony isms ebony isms oh my gosh yeah okay so be sure when you say this to him that you

302
00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:06.660
you're very clear to him now he's going to think of what she's going to hold on to me for because

303
00:14:06.660 --> 00:14:11.700
he needs to evaluate what can i add to her life people collect friends d because they

304
00:14:17.740 --> 00:14:23.040
can add to their life so before you act he could add to your life because if you met your husband

305
00:14:23.140 --> 00:14:29.680
tomorrow that man probably would not be your friend i hate you i hate you i'm just assuming

306
00:14:29.680 --> 00:14:34.700
that you're not going to keep up give me one second you think i'll fit in bro

307
00:14:39.740 --> 00:14:41.440
i'm so sorry

308
00:14:44.280 --> 00:14:50.140
i wouldn't laugh unless sarah looked the way she looked when the person

309
00:14:50.140 --> 00:14:54.240
said i was not gonna break character and sarah said

310
00:14:57.400 --> 00:14:59.980
i'm sorry i can't hide my face

311
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.040
expressions very well i even got botox the other day and i still can't hide it

312
00:15:08.260 --> 00:15:12.260
sorry whoever you are we're not laughing at you i'm actually laughing at sarah

313
00:15:13.140 --> 00:15:17.120
okay so d i just want you to process this

314
00:15:19.120 --> 00:15:26.640
okay okay i this this i want him as a friend he's so solid i just i just want you to iron that thing

315
00:15:27.360 --> 00:15:31.460
because you say you're not in the market for friends like you're not looking for new friendships

316
00:15:31.460 --> 00:15:36.920
unless you want to build a community and if that's what you're aiming for and then i understand

317
00:15:37.260 --> 00:15:43.600
i actually am um in this season of life he has he has the characteristics and the qualities of the

318
00:15:43.600 --> 00:15:50.000
type of people that i i mean i'm in a i've been there for a long time and i haven't yet met i

319
00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:55.180
mean apart from my new my church that i've been in in since december i have been rebuilding my

320
00:15:55.180 --> 00:16:00.180
life and as of last year when my daughter when i became a grandma and then you know they cleaved

321
00:16:00.180 --> 00:16:04.940
to each other my daughter and son-in-law you know like what i'm saying is until and i'm starting a

322
00:16:04.940 --> 00:16:17.520
new life and beginning again on my own like it's me how are you god is good um yeah exactly so

323
00:16:17.520 --> 00:16:24.020
i thought you were like i thought you were like late 20s oh bless your heart oh my gosh what no

324
00:16:24.020 --> 00:16:30.740
i mean hallelujah to see you for myself no no i get it all the time but thank you that's really

325
00:16:30.740 --> 00:16:35.180
not no i've got a daughter grown up like i mean i don't even say her age but yeah she's 33

326
00:16:35.900 --> 00:16:41.040
okay she's happily married and i'm like what i'm saying is i am starting again brand new country

327
00:16:41.040 --> 00:16:46.500
even i've been there for many years new beginnings like i'm building i am building new friends and

328
00:16:46.500 --> 00:16:53.460
he's like okay okay now this makes more sense because i am okay this makes more sense okay

329
00:16:53.900 --> 00:16:59.100
okay well think about those things think about if you really do want to be a friend with somebody

330
00:16:59.100 --> 00:17:02.920
around the country even though you want to be a community where you are and by the way my business

331
00:17:02.920 --> 00:17:12.099
is in california where he is so it's not like okay um my family were in my daughter was in the west

332
00:17:12.700 --> 00:17:17.180
but okay the point is it's not like i'm not and he's coming back but it's not like we're

333
00:17:17.420 --> 00:17:22.000
we're building something in the future it's just the way it is that's what i didn't imagine to make

334
00:17:22.000 --> 00:17:26.319
such a bond with someone who is a my type of person you know like just the person who's a

335
00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:30.840
great person that's why i'm saying even if he's not for me i would recommend him to someone because

336
00:17:30.840 --> 00:17:39.540
he's a top bloke okay it all makes a little more sense now it makes sense okay okay yeah

337
00:17:40.180 --> 00:17:46.100
okay well think about some things and follow up with me okay you guys you're welcome me and

338
00:17:46.100 --> 00:17:50.320
d totally broke the rules that was like eight minutes we i won't break them with

339
00:17:50.320 --> 00:17:55.060
anybody else you guys thank you so much appreciate it crystal

340
00:17:57.480 --> 00:18:02.740
and hey to the person that's your first time here tonight go ahead crystal i was trying to unmute and

341
00:18:03.550 --> 00:18:08.290
d your your love life kind of reads like a movie

342
00:18:12.050 --> 00:18:18.750
yeah it's pretty exciting okay so for me ebony i feel like i need trauma counseling

343
00:18:19.530 --> 00:18:27.930
um you know the the i just got back on the dating app and none of the christian dating apps i mean

344
00:18:27.930 --> 00:18:31.690
like i told you that one that you know you're supposed to wave if you like them i feel like

345
00:18:31.690 --> 00:18:39.230
i'm waving in a parade not getting any responses um the other christian app zero responses so i

346
00:18:39.230 --> 00:18:48.210
went on to uh match.com um i don't know i almost want to coach some of these guys and say you look

347
00:18:48.210 --> 00:18:58.510
like a serial killer i mean like smile uh shave um gosh did you just pull the dirtiest shirt out

348
00:18:59.030 --> 00:19:05.590
and take a picture with yourself you know and then you and then you send a message to me

349
00:19:05.970 --> 00:19:12.110
and it's like i i'm like look at it and i've gotten i don't know if you saw the post i took

350
00:19:12.110 --> 00:19:18.190
it down but so one guy he says uh he was a black guy and he says i like to date white women

351
00:19:18.870 --> 00:19:24.990
i was like okay uh funny uh financial but i was like so why don't you want to date black women

352
00:19:24.990 --> 00:19:30.350
and he's like oh just a preference blah blah blah i prayed about it over the weekend i was like

353
00:19:30.910 --> 00:19:39.710
something in my spirit just went no so cinema you said practice ending well so i said hey um

354
00:19:39.710 --> 00:19:46.770
thanks for reaching out uh but i don't think we're a connection wish the best to you he responds back

355
00:19:46.770 --> 00:19:52.970
and says i didn't send an email to you because i thought you were attractive i sent it to you

356
00:19:52.970 --> 00:19:59.630
you were unattractive and i found unattractive women to be pushovers yeah so tell me about

357
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.360
That was his response.

358
00:20:01.620 --> 00:20:04.940
So I texted him back and I said, well, you're wrong on two points.

359
00:20:05.040 --> 00:20:08.720
I'm attractive and I'm not a pushover and I blocked him.

360
00:20:09.020 --> 00:20:12.660
Then the next one I get is a 53 year old guy.

361
00:20:12.920 --> 00:20:13.680
I'm 61.

362
00:20:14.240 --> 00:20:17.320
He says, I may be a little old for you.

363
00:20:17.340 --> 00:20:21.380
I mean a little young for you, but I'd like to chat.

364
00:20:21.740 --> 00:20:23.420
Now mind you where I live.

365
00:20:23.440 --> 00:20:27.100
I'm sitting there thinking so far all these guys.

366
00:20:27.100 --> 00:20:28.940
I don't, I don't even want to go out with it.

367
00:20:28.940 --> 00:20:35.600
I mean just the appearance on the picture is unappealing and some of the

368
00:20:35.600 --> 00:20:36.220
things they write.

369
00:20:36.440 --> 00:20:37.300
It's just blah.

370
00:20:38.740 --> 00:20:44.080
So this guy's looked cute and normal and some things he said on there.

371
00:20:44.340 --> 00:20:49.520
So I just said hi back then he responds back and he says, I really like

372
00:20:49.520 --> 00:20:50.620
your folding shot.

373
00:20:51.740 --> 00:20:52.580
I am holding.

374
00:20:52.660 --> 00:20:58.520
I'm in a sweater holding a child that I've darkened out, but I mean it just

375
00:20:58.520 --> 00:21:05.000
would you walk up to somebody and say, you know, your introduction is wow.

376
00:21:05.000 --> 00:21:07.160
I really like the way your body looks.

377
00:21:09.640 --> 00:21:12.660
So I'm not for me.

378
00:21:12.660 --> 00:21:22.420
This is like been so gross and and I don't need it like so help me Ebony.

379
00:21:25.540 --> 00:21:30.680
Online dating comes with its share of that if I know some ladies have their

380
00:21:30.680 --> 00:21:34.040
hands up, but if you can give a thumbs up that you had these same experiences,

381
00:21:34.040 --> 00:21:36.520
it will be really helpful to do that right now.

382
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:38.400
My thumb is going to be up.

383
00:21:38.760 --> 00:21:41.120
Yeah, you can send avatar thumbs up.

384
00:21:41.400 --> 00:21:44.020
Yeah, you see it's a thumbs up party.

385
00:21:44.320 --> 00:21:45.140
Oh, yeah.

386
00:21:45.500 --> 00:21:46.020
Yeah.

387
00:21:46.920 --> 00:21:50.860
And it ebbs and flows if it's an interesting thing.

388
00:21:51.660 --> 00:21:57.200
I know me saying this may not help you feel any like take away the sting of

389
00:21:57.200 --> 00:22:00.840
online dating, but that's just kind of how it goes.

390
00:22:01.260 --> 00:22:05.420
I've had people that talk to me and I'll be like what did you think I took it

391
00:22:05.420 --> 00:22:13.440
personal like it was something about me, but they you know, and so I speak on

392
00:22:13.440 --> 00:22:18.160
behalf of the crew that the board of online dating, but what do you do?

393
00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:24.480
I haven't had anybody respond that literally I would say, you know, I'd be

394
00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:29.720
interested even, you know, a communication only.

395
00:22:30.140 --> 00:22:30.140


396
00:22:30.140 --> 00:22:36.160
I mean just it's like, you know, and I'll I'll respond back kind of very, you

397
00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:38.980
know, just plain not hey.

398
00:22:38.980 --> 00:22:39.400
Yeah.

399
00:22:39.400 --> 00:22:47.760
Thanks for the response or tell me how your day or something and I'll get back

400
00:22:47.760 --> 00:22:48.160
to you.

401
00:22:48.160 --> 00:22:50.600
Yeah, I'm like what?

402
00:22:51.680 --> 00:22:56.720
Yeah, and then you know, so it's like, yeah, and so how long have you been doing

403
00:22:57.640 --> 00:22:58.120
this?

404
00:22:59.620 --> 00:23:02.240
How long have I been in trauma for a week?

405
00:23:03.720 --> 00:23:06.740
How long have you been doing the dating apps for about a month?

406
00:23:07.580 --> 00:23:11.140
No, not this has only been like the second week, but I've done them before.

407
00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:15.120
Yeah, it's not like this is a new new.

408
00:23:15.120 --> 00:23:21.100
It was the same thing before and the other big thing is, you know, I have on

409
00:23:21.100 --> 00:23:22.440
there really big and bold.

410
00:23:23.020 --> 00:23:26.060
I am a believer and lover of Jesus Christ.

411
00:23:26.080 --> 00:23:28.360
The men don't read let it go.

412
00:23:28.580 --> 00:23:30.540
They don't read they like cheering.

413
00:23:30.900 --> 00:23:32.780
They don't know they're reading is fundamental.

414
00:23:33.000 --> 00:23:37.500
They ain't gonna read they say some stuff to me and I said, I know what they

415
00:23:37.500 --> 00:23:38.500
didn't read it.

416
00:23:38.500 --> 00:23:43.840
They just look at women see somebody like impressed like they don't read nothing

417
00:23:43.840 --> 00:23:44.320
crystal.

418
00:23:45.400 --> 00:23:49.920
So what can I do maybe to get like a quality?

419
00:23:51.660 --> 00:23:55.620
I guess I'm thinking that's the question for all of us on here.

420
00:23:55.860 --> 00:23:57.820
We all want a quality man.

421
00:23:58.100 --> 00:24:01.240
I have met quality men on dating sites.

422
00:24:01.400 --> 00:24:07.240
I will tell you that and this is not let me let me and Facebook.

423
00:24:07.240 --> 00:24:08.980
I can't for some reason.

424
00:24:08.980 --> 00:24:10.440
I tried to do Facebook dating.

425
00:24:10.580 --> 00:24:12.000
It sends me in a loop.

426
00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:16.460
Yeah, give it some more time.

427
00:24:16.520 --> 00:24:18.000
You can come out for a while.

428
00:24:18.000 --> 00:24:21.240
If you're tired of it, if you're traumatized by it, I will come off of it.

429
00:24:21.240 --> 00:24:23.940
I've come out for it sometimes for two or three weeks at a time.

430
00:24:24.020 --> 00:24:25.540
I've come out for a month at a time.

431
00:24:25.640 --> 00:24:30.460
I want you to know that this doesn't stop your momentum for what heaven is

432
00:24:30.460 --> 00:24:30.820
doing.

433
00:24:31.320 --> 00:24:35.580
Sometimes we feel like this and we feel like if I'm not on the data app, if I'm

434
00:24:35.580 --> 00:24:40.340
not actively doing something then I'm not actively partnering with heaven and

435
00:24:40.340 --> 00:24:43.480
I'm getting further and further away from meeting the person because I'm not

436
00:24:43.480 --> 00:24:46.020
doing anything to meet a person and that's not true.

437
00:24:46.400 --> 00:24:47.820
You're in preparation mode.

438
00:24:47.820 --> 00:24:49.920
You can take a break from a dating site.

439
00:24:50.060 --> 00:24:52.420
You can meet someone organically in the grocery store.

440
00:24:52.500 --> 00:24:56.080
If you would like to at the YMCA, all those things are real options.

441
00:24:56.340 --> 00:24:57.920
Do we usually do that?

442
00:24:57.920 --> 00:24:59.980
No, but there are options, you know.

443
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.760
Um, you can seek out local things in your area if you're in a very dry area

444
00:25:04.760 --> 00:25:09.540
Sometimes people are in small towns and ain't nothing going on and I totally get that

445
00:25:09.540 --> 00:25:13.360
But there are other options to get involved and meet people

446
00:25:14.380 --> 00:25:19.020
Um, but I do want you crystal to feel like you can take a break from dating apps

447
00:25:19.020 --> 00:25:21.520
they really do ebb and flow and

448
00:25:21.520 --> 00:25:28.280
They they they're not like the vehicle of all vehicles. I agree with you that sometimes they just suck

449
00:25:28.280 --> 00:25:33.420
Sometimes I get on there and like I've been 20 30 me like me and they all suck

450
00:25:33.420 --> 00:25:35.900
And I'm just like it's no criticism to them

451
00:25:35.900 --> 00:25:38.580
But it's just kind of like you got to be kidding me

452
00:25:38.580 --> 00:25:42.840
Is there a man in town like how all of y'all are like this?

453
00:25:42.840 --> 00:25:48.560
But it does pay well to take a break. Sometimes. I think we underestimate and I'm gonna say this

454
00:25:49.460 --> 00:25:56.260
How much deconstruction the Lord is doing in us when we sign up and say I want I want heaven's best for my life

455
00:25:57.000 --> 00:26:03.580
And we don't take into the account how he's using every single thing to strip us

456
00:26:05.100 --> 00:26:07.940
grow us and to prepare us and

457
00:26:08.580 --> 00:26:16.400
sometimes we feel like that momentum like, you know, we we we get pumped up because we're receiving the promises of God as you should

458
00:26:16.400 --> 00:26:22.420
Be and you're excited and it's like let's go get it. Let's go get it a month. Go by let's go get it

459
00:26:22.420 --> 00:26:25.480
Two weeks go by sometimes we fall out we get discouraged

460
00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:32.060
You know and it's just like hey, I'm gonna tell y'all there's not a timeline

461
00:26:32.060 --> 00:26:36.000
I know you're holding fast to a love story you heard and we just met and

462
00:26:37.100 --> 00:26:38.780
You don't know what that

463
00:26:39.180 --> 00:26:42.080
Marriage is like you don't know anything about those people

464
00:26:42.080 --> 00:26:47.760
You don't know the preparedness and the readiness of their heart before they got to that place and you don't know how many more miles

465
00:26:47.760 --> 00:26:53.340
In seas and oceans they have to cross to have peace in their marriage because all you know is they got married

466
00:26:54.160 --> 00:26:59.900
But there is a there is a process when you partner with heaven for your marriage

467
00:26:59.900 --> 00:27:04.620
it's a process and there's a faith journey and it it is

468
00:27:05.720 --> 00:27:11.020
Rewarding and challenging and I just want to say that you don't lose momentum when you're walking with God

469
00:27:12.000 --> 00:27:12.600
Amen

470
00:27:13.380 --> 00:27:16.160
Want to share one positive to just real?

471
00:27:17.220 --> 00:27:21.320
Tonight did drive through prayer and had a girl place her faith in Christ. So it was

472
00:27:21.820 --> 00:27:25.360
Yeah, so I just feel like Jesus gave me a big fat kiss, you know

473
00:27:25.420 --> 00:27:32.180
Like, you know that guy because I actually said I forgive that guy did the forgiveness prayer over and blessed him said Lord

474
00:27:32.180 --> 00:27:34.200
Heal his wounds. Whatever's going on with him and

475
00:27:35.880 --> 00:27:38.100
And then that happened tonight, so that was really exciting

476
00:27:38.100 --> 00:27:42.880
Yeah, there was really see and he just said that cuz he felt really salty and yeah

477
00:27:44.800 --> 00:27:46.760
How you responded to

478
00:27:47.280 --> 00:27:52.540
Thank you, thank you. Yeah, hold on Chris this coming something's gonna happen

479
00:27:53.320 --> 00:27:55.280
Amen. Amen. I like your attitude

480
00:27:56.780 --> 00:27:57.820
man, and

481
00:27:58.860 --> 00:28:04.420
Go to Home Depot. They say in lows. Yeah, I did have some today. I had a

482
00:28:04.900 --> 00:28:07.140
This man who does healing prayer

483
00:28:07.140 --> 00:28:12.140
He prayed for me and he's I told I share with him then I was wanting a spirit-made spouse and he said Crystal

484
00:28:12.140 --> 00:28:13.240
I want you to write down

485
00:28:13.240 --> 00:28:18.900
It's one of our exercises because I want you to write down everything you want in a mate and then I want you to put it

486
00:28:18.900 --> 00:28:21.880
Up before the Lord and say Lord. Here's my list. What do you want?

487
00:28:22.080 --> 00:28:27.140
And he said then I want you to fold that letter and put it in the Bible at first Corinthians

488
00:28:28.000 --> 00:28:30.680
13 and he goes trust me on this

489
00:28:31.800 --> 00:28:33.780
It's like okay. I will

490
00:28:34.380 --> 00:28:41.380
That's fine. That's exciting. Let us know how it goes. Thank you. Ebony. You're welcome

491
00:28:41.380 --> 00:28:42.300
Alexandria

492
00:28:43.380 --> 00:28:50.320
Yeah, hi Ebony. Thanks for your help online this week, too. I wrote something about oh, okay. Yeah

493
00:28:50.840 --> 00:28:53.860
anyway, that guy's over with I'm over it, but

494
00:28:56.720 --> 00:29:02.520
So I have been talking to this other guy for like about a week before I forget like my main questions

495
00:29:02.520 --> 00:29:05.300
Oh, it's like what does spirit mate really mean?

496
00:29:05.300 --> 00:29:10.940
I don't know if Jackie's ever really like when I think about that. I'm like, what does that mean? Like I got you

497
00:29:11.380 --> 00:29:13.380
so anyway, um

498
00:29:14.400 --> 00:29:16.420
What else is I gonna say about that so

499
00:29:16.780 --> 00:29:23.540
Anyway, it's been going really well. He's very intentional like spiritually. We actually it seemed to align a lot

500
00:29:24.220 --> 00:29:29.840
Our conversations go. Well, I just don't have this like initial like like that chemistry

501
00:29:29.840 --> 00:29:36.340
So that's why I'm trying to keep pushing on like our conversation it goes and it's it's good

502
00:29:36.340 --> 00:29:41.440
But I'm not like, you know hanging on to see what he's gonna say like so intrigued or anything

503
00:29:43.020 --> 00:29:48.960
But I enjoy talking to him and he really cares and he's he's definitely pursuing me

504
00:29:49.220 --> 00:29:55.420
Like I feel like in a really beautiful way and I'm like, that's cool to see an experience. So I'm grateful for that

505
00:29:56.380 --> 00:29:59.980
He's gonna come this weekend to like actually see in person which will be fun

506
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.180
And he's a couple hours away, so that shows intentionality.

507
00:30:06.500 --> 00:30:08.900
So I guess, yeah, it's exciting.

508
00:30:09.400 --> 00:30:09.660
Thanks, Karen.

509
00:30:11.240 --> 00:30:12.320
He did make a joke.

510
00:30:12.460 --> 00:30:13.720
I asked him to do a Zoom.

511
00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:17.140
And he was like, so how did my interview go afterwards?

512
00:30:17.160 --> 00:30:17.980
I thought that was funny.

513
00:30:18.800 --> 00:30:20.780
I was like, yeah, I know.

514
00:30:20.780 --> 00:30:21.980
I was like, I feel that too.

515
00:30:22.480 --> 00:30:26.420
My second question is, I guess, I'm normally a very open book.

516
00:30:26.460 --> 00:30:29.280
I'm really trying to hold back in this process as far as like,

517
00:30:29.280 --> 00:30:30.780
I usually lay it all out there.

518
00:30:31.180 --> 00:30:32.720
And then I feel uncomfortable afterwards.

519
00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:34.740
And then I find out things I don't want to know.

520
00:30:35.360 --> 00:30:38.220
So I'm really, I love that advice of staying positive,

521
00:30:38.840 --> 00:30:40.980
trying to wait to talk about deeper things.

522
00:30:42.620 --> 00:30:45.460
And I think that you talk deeper in the dating phase,

523
00:30:45.520 --> 00:30:48.260
like when it's more like we're just dating each other.

524
00:30:48.260 --> 00:30:49.300
So you kind of share deeper.

525
00:30:50.240 --> 00:30:53.060
But how do you communicate these things

526
00:30:53.060 --> 00:30:55.420
that we're doing to your person?

527
00:30:55.620 --> 00:30:56.900
Like, I feel so awkward.

528
00:30:56.900 --> 00:30:59.640
And I end up just telling him I'm in this program.

529
00:31:00.420 --> 00:31:03.840
And then, because I'm like, I don't know how else to explain.

530
00:31:05.060 --> 00:31:05.700
I don't know.

531
00:31:05.740 --> 00:31:07.260
So I guess that's my second question.

532
00:31:07.960 --> 00:31:08.160
Yeah.

533
00:31:08.760 --> 00:31:12.480
So spear mate, good job with letting the other guy go.

534
00:31:14.080 --> 00:31:16.420
A spear mate is just someone that lines up

535
00:31:16.420 --> 00:31:18.940
with your spiritual DNA, right?

536
00:31:18.940 --> 00:31:20.920
And that you're meeting on a level that

537
00:31:20.920 --> 00:31:23.420
would allow you to do kingdom work and godly work

538
00:31:23.420 --> 00:31:24.180
in the Earth.

539
00:31:24.260 --> 00:31:26.800
And so they're just not meeting one side of you.

540
00:31:26.800 --> 00:31:28.700
Your physical side, but the spiritual side

541
00:31:28.700 --> 00:31:32.280
of you, which is really your dominion mandate,

542
00:31:32.880 --> 00:31:34.140
the greatest part of you.

543
00:31:35.720 --> 00:31:37.300
They meet that part of you.

544
00:31:37.540 --> 00:31:41.840
So then you call it a spirit mate versus just a soul mate

545
00:31:41.840 --> 00:31:45.420
that someone meets you on the physical level of who you are,

546
00:31:45.520 --> 00:31:46.080
right?

547
00:31:46.080 --> 00:31:49.400
Or those physical attributes and things.

548
00:31:49.460 --> 00:31:51.280
But this is a person that you believe

549
00:31:51.280 --> 00:31:53.900
that God has ordained for you for your life

550
00:31:53.900 --> 00:31:55.620
and that you get to partner with.

551
00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:58.200
One slays 1,000, two slays tens of thousands,

552
00:31:58.340 --> 00:32:02.880
that you fulfill kingdom mandate in the Earth together, right?

553
00:32:03.260 --> 00:32:06.180
The ultimate vision that heaven has for your life.

554
00:32:07.060 --> 00:32:10.360
And then for number two is, well,

555
00:32:10.420 --> 00:32:12.180
one thing I like to encourage.

556
00:32:12.800 --> 00:32:14.920
Sometimes we feel like I just share a lot

557
00:32:14.920 --> 00:32:16.300
or that's just who I am.

558
00:32:16.380 --> 00:32:18.340
But really, it's not wisdom.

559
00:32:20.120 --> 00:32:21.260
That's not wisdom.

560
00:32:21.260 --> 00:32:25.260
The Bible says that you don't spill your pearl before swine

561
00:32:25.460 --> 00:32:28.040
because they may trample over it.

562
00:32:28.200 --> 00:32:29.580
That means you don't take your wisdom

563
00:32:29.580 --> 00:32:33.060
and pour it out in front of someone who has not even

564
00:32:33.400 --> 00:32:36.580
gained any equity with you that they could cherish what

565
00:32:36.580 --> 00:32:37.860
you would share with them.

566
00:32:38.140 --> 00:32:39.940
And so you put your wisdom and all

567
00:32:39.940 --> 00:32:41.560
of those deep personal things, and you

568
00:32:41.560 --> 00:32:44.820
share that with community who honor you and value you,

569
00:32:45.240 --> 00:32:47.280
who know who you are, and they will

570
00:32:47.280 --> 00:32:50.740
value what you share with them, versus pouring that out

571
00:32:50.740 --> 00:32:54.300
on someone who doesn't even know you, who will not value it.

572
00:32:54.360 --> 00:32:56.560
And then when they don't value it,

573
00:32:56.560 --> 00:32:59.640
you blame them or you're hurt because you gave so much.

574
00:32:59.760 --> 00:33:00.940
But that's not wisdom.

575
00:33:01.220 --> 00:33:03.560
We don't pour out wisdom in places

576
00:33:03.560 --> 00:33:06.760
that have not built equity with us and know who we are.

577
00:33:07.200 --> 00:33:07.660
Yeah.

578
00:33:07.740 --> 00:33:10.920
And so you use that as a guardrail to tell yourself,

579
00:33:10.940 --> 00:33:13.040
because it's easy to believe that I'm just deep

580
00:33:13.040 --> 00:33:16.240
or I just do this, but that's not healthy.

581
00:33:16.820 --> 00:33:17.540
Mm-hmm.

582
00:33:17.940 --> 00:33:22.300
And so I always remind myself, would I give this?

583
00:33:22.400 --> 00:33:24.340
Would I give this precious thing about me

584
00:33:24.340 --> 00:33:25.380
to a complete stranger?

585
00:33:25.920 --> 00:33:27.480
Would I walk up in the grocery store

586
00:33:27.480 --> 00:33:28.960
and just hand it over to them?

587
00:33:29.460 --> 00:33:31.640
You shouldn't do that if you knew a person for a week,

588
00:33:31.740 --> 00:33:33.880
two weeks, three weeks, four weeks, a month,

589
00:33:34.780 --> 00:33:37.660
because they shouldn't have that type of seat at the table

590
00:33:37.660 --> 00:33:38.820
with you at this time.

591
00:33:39.220 --> 00:33:39.700
Yeah.

592
00:33:39.980 --> 00:33:40.440
Right?

593
00:33:40.440 --> 00:33:43.140
And so that's one way to dial back on that.

594
00:33:43.140 --> 00:33:46.020
Just remember that that's not operating in wisdom.

595
00:33:46.460 --> 00:33:48.060
I feel like I'm doing OK at it.

596
00:33:48.080 --> 00:33:51.060
I just didn't know, when they ask deeper questions,

597
00:33:51.660 --> 00:33:53.060
what do you say?

598
00:33:53.520 --> 00:33:55.460
I just kind of am saying, oh, well,

599
00:33:55.460 --> 00:33:57.720
we can talk about it when we get to know each other more.

600
00:33:58.220 --> 00:33:59.500
That's exactly what you say.

601
00:33:59.540 --> 00:33:59.840
OK.

602
00:34:00.900 --> 00:34:04.000
Say, hey, I feel more comfortable sharing that

603
00:34:04.000 --> 00:34:05.540
with you once we get to know each other,

604
00:34:05.600 --> 00:34:06.700
get a little more equity.

605
00:34:07.100 --> 00:34:07.480
OK.

606
00:34:07.580 --> 00:34:08.760
But hey, great question.

607
00:34:09.480 --> 00:34:09.960
Right?

608
00:34:09.960 --> 00:34:12.179
And then the other thing you asked me was,

609
00:34:12.840 --> 00:34:18.860
I don't, I've always had coaches, counsel, community.

610
00:34:19.159 --> 00:34:21.739
I've never felt the need to share with somebody

611
00:34:21.739 --> 00:34:23.739
what I do with my personal life.

612
00:34:24.440 --> 00:34:26.880
Yeah, I don't know why I feel like I have to.

613
00:34:27.520 --> 00:34:27.960
I know.

614
00:34:28.139 --> 00:34:30.159
But so I'm going to release you from the idea

615
00:34:30.159 --> 00:34:32.820
that you have to tell somebody you have a dating coach

616
00:34:32.820 --> 00:34:34.020
or that you're in a coaching program.

617
00:34:34.500 --> 00:34:37.100
I literally, I don't even tell men

618
00:34:37.100 --> 00:34:41.699
that I date that I get to be a relationship coach or a dating

619
00:34:41.699 --> 00:34:42.060
coach.

620
00:34:42.600 --> 00:34:44.659
For one, I don't want the thoughts

621
00:34:44.659 --> 00:34:46.860
that they're going to have that comes along with that.

622
00:34:46.980 --> 00:34:48.600
And it's none of their business.

623
00:34:49.600 --> 00:34:49.739
Yeah.

624
00:34:50.199 --> 00:34:51.940
That's just because it could be so, you know,

625
00:34:51.960 --> 00:34:53.940
people could think, oh, they know all the tricks

626
00:34:53.940 --> 00:34:56.320
or they know this or, oh, this, this, this.

627
00:34:56.560 --> 00:34:56.699
I don't know.

628
00:34:56.800 --> 00:34:57.740
I don't share that.

629
00:34:57.760 --> 00:34:59.980
Like, I have to really walk with a person for a while.

630
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.080
before they get that type of information. So I just want you to know that you are in a program,

631
00:35:05.180 --> 00:35:08.480
it's your personal business and you don't have to share that. But I've noticed a lot of women

632
00:35:08.480 --> 00:35:14.300
sometimes feel pressure to share that, but you really don't. Whatever wisdom you have is the

633
00:35:14.300 --> 00:35:19.060
wisdom that you carry. You pay for this wisdom. The Bible says, what do we do with money? In the

634
00:35:19.060 --> 00:35:23.660
book of Proverbs, it said, we exchange it for wisdom. And that's what you're doing with your

635
00:35:23.500 --> 00:35:28.000
money. You're exchanging it for wisdom because that's how you get it. You learn it from somewhere.

636
00:35:28.000 --> 00:35:32.700
You sit under something, you read a book, you take what you learn and you apply it to your

637
00:35:32.700 --> 00:35:41.340
life and you show up. Oh, good. Thank you. Very last quick thing. He's not a citizen and that

638
00:35:41.340 --> 00:35:48.580
brings up some fears in me. And so I guess just if you had any, I'm trying to just take it slow

639
00:35:48.580 --> 00:35:57.660
and trust my instincts with how I feel. I've had some bad experiences in the past of just hearing

640
00:35:57.660 --> 00:36:03.400
that men were intentionally trying to be with people for citizenship. I went to Africa for a

641
00:36:03.400 --> 00:36:10.500
little bit. Anyway, so I don't want to assume that about him, but it did make my guard go up

642
00:36:10.500 --> 00:36:17.460
and just to be like, okay, like, how do I know? And like, that's kind of scary. But yeah, I don't

643
00:36:17.460 --> 00:36:25.860
know if you have thoughts on that yet. I would have the same. I would think the same way. I will

644
00:36:25.860 --> 00:36:33.920
the same way. And I'll probably just have a coffee date. And I wouldn't know how to measure

645
00:36:33.920 --> 00:36:41.800
that out because if it's targeting, that's not my preference. Yeah, right. I don't like that.

646
00:36:41.880 --> 00:36:48.020
I don't like the situation. I don't like it. I don't know how to deal with it. But, you know,

647
00:36:48.160 --> 00:36:53.600
I'm saying personally, like, that's a bit uncomfortable because I can say to you,

648
00:36:53.600 --> 00:36:58.420
are you sure you're not dating me just for citizenship? What if he is? It's not like

649
00:36:58.420 --> 00:37:01.700
all of a sudden you're going to become honest with you and say, yeah, Alexandra, that's the

650
00:37:01.700 --> 00:37:08.820
only reason I'm dating you. Let's go eat pizza. No one's going to admit it. Right. So I think

651
00:37:08.820 --> 00:37:12.840
that you can also tell some things about if a person rushes you or if they're trying to push

652
00:37:12.840 --> 00:37:16.840
a certain agenda. So you definitely can get, I thank God for that wisdom that just kicked in

653
00:37:16.840 --> 00:37:21.560
my mind. Thank you, Lord. You definitely, as you're getting to know him, you could tell some

654
00:37:21.560 --> 00:37:28.260
red flags or is he a secure attachment, like some things that you go along, you should be able to

655
00:37:28.260 --> 00:37:33.200
send something. And when it feels a little wonky, you don't have to be a detective. But if things

656
00:37:33.200 --> 00:37:37.860
start feeling some type of way, you're God defended. The Lord will show it to you. Yeah.

657
00:37:38.080 --> 00:37:44.300
Thank you. I agree. That's helpful. I appreciate that. Yeah. So have fun getting to know him.

658
00:37:44.600 --> 00:37:50.900
Yeah. There's like so many other green flags that have been going. So I'm just trying to take it

659
00:37:50.900 --> 00:37:59.340
as just enjoying the process. So, yeah, that'd be fun. Where does he live and where do you live?

660
00:37:59.600 --> 00:38:04.800
He's in Dallas. So he's two hours away. That's the other thing which I can post on the group. Maybe

661
00:38:04.800 --> 00:38:10.200
another time I eventually want to live in California. He really loves Dallas. But like

662
00:38:10.360 --> 00:38:15.300
some kind of having trouble navigating that. I don't necessarily I'm not matching with anyone

663
00:38:15.300 --> 00:38:21.320
in California being in Texas. So that's why I was like maybe in this third phase when we meet

664
00:38:21.320 --> 00:38:26.740
people in the whole community, there will be some California people or maybe I think D and I are

665
00:38:26.740 --> 00:38:31.300
different ages. But she had that person in California. But I'm like, how would I how would

666
00:38:31.300 --> 00:38:36.720
I meet? How would I meet someone in California? Anyway, so I'm trying to give him an opportunity,

667
00:38:36.720 --> 00:38:41.760
but I really don't want to live long term in Dallas. And are you moving to California?

668
00:38:42.380 --> 00:38:48.160
Hopefully, like in a in a year would be the goal. But if I really met like this person,

669
00:38:48.160 --> 00:38:52.160
I'm also like if I met my husband, like I would sacrifice a couple of years

670
00:38:52.160 --> 00:38:54.960
and then hopefully end up in California eventually.

671
00:38:55.680 --> 00:38:59.620
Where do you live in Austin? East Texas. It's Tyler.

672
00:39:00.060 --> 00:39:04.600
Tyler. Yeah, I wouldn't be worried about that right now. And I probably wouldn't

673
00:39:04.600 --> 00:39:09.840
concern myself with meeting somebody in California. Okay. Okay. Yeah, that uh,

674
00:39:10.600 --> 00:39:16.020
live where you are, where you are right now. Okay. Yeah. I'm like, I don't know what to do.

675
00:39:16.220 --> 00:39:19.440
Thank you. That's helpful. You're welcome.

676
00:39:21.780 --> 00:39:26.080
Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. You're welcome. Cool. Susan.

677
00:39:27.000 --> 00:39:33.340
Hello. Hey, there you go. Hi. Okay. So it's my second week on here. I'm trying to like learn

678
00:39:33.340 --> 00:39:39.500
like you said something about dating for discovery and dating for fun. So that just

679
00:39:39.500 --> 00:39:43.840
means like, I feel bad because it's like I'm not interested in someone are you kind of like,

680
00:39:44.220 --> 00:39:48.740
the guy is cute, but any sweet, but I'm like already can tell I'm not interested in him.

681
00:39:49.300 --> 00:39:52.600
So do I still go on a date with him just to learn about myself?

682
00:39:52.900 --> 00:39:59.980
Why are you not interested? Um, he's a firefighter. And I feel like I

683
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.320
I probably make like 20 times what he makes a year.

684
00:40:03.020 --> 00:40:04.180
Okay. Right.

685
00:40:04.180 --> 00:40:05.620
So that's why I was dating for discovery.

686
00:40:05.700 --> 00:40:06.640
He's not your husband.

687
00:40:07.120 --> 00:40:07.640
Yeah.

688
00:40:08.220 --> 00:40:09.340
He's a date.

689
00:40:09.820 --> 00:40:10.280
Okay.

690
00:40:10.740 --> 00:40:12.060
So it's fine to just go,

691
00:40:12.140 --> 00:40:13.320
but what are you trying to discover?

692
00:40:13.680 --> 00:40:14.620
Like a-

693
00:40:14.620 --> 00:40:17.440
You, you're trying to discover how you show up.

694
00:40:17.440 --> 00:40:17.760
Okay.

695
00:40:17.760 --> 00:40:20.400
You're trying to discover how you set boundaries.

696
00:40:20.600 --> 00:40:21.120
Okay.

697
00:40:21.120 --> 00:40:25.260
How you look at a person and get to know them

698
00:40:25.260 --> 00:40:29.160
and actually find out what they carry that's valuable.

699
00:40:30.220 --> 00:40:33.520
So when you say this, don't take this as critical.

700
00:40:33.760 --> 00:40:35.600
These are some things you discover in dating.

701
00:40:35.960 --> 00:40:37.900
And you say, well, he's a firefighter.

702
00:40:37.960 --> 00:40:39.200
I probably make 20 times him.

703
00:40:39.280 --> 00:40:41.080
He's not a, he's not an option for me.

704
00:40:41.240 --> 00:40:43.800
But you meet him and he is righteous

705
00:40:43.800 --> 00:40:44.820
and he's integrity,

706
00:40:44.900 --> 00:40:47.760
integrity and he has character and he's solid

707
00:40:47.760 --> 00:40:50.640
and he's masculine, he's mature and he's marriage minded.

708
00:40:51.280 --> 00:40:53.280
And then you look and you say,

709
00:40:54.220 --> 00:40:58.280
do I want income over a man who is righteous,

710
00:40:58.900 --> 00:40:59.760
integrous, business minded?

711
00:40:59.840 --> 00:41:00.980
You don't know if he's an entrepreneur.

712
00:41:01.180 --> 00:41:03.060
You don't know what type of things he have in his streamline.

713
00:41:03.500 --> 00:41:06.400
And so you X out a person and you don't even know them.

714
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:09.140
And so dating for discovery gives an opportunity

715
00:41:09.140 --> 00:41:10.720
to get to know people.

716
00:41:11.080 --> 00:41:12.920
And so let's say he's still not your guy.

717
00:41:12.980 --> 00:41:15.260
It doesn't matter whether he made the money or not, right?

718
00:41:15.260 --> 00:41:16.440
You got to date with him,

719
00:41:16.440 --> 00:41:18.960
but you did learn when you got to know him.

720
00:41:19.360 --> 00:41:22.140
Oh, I probably better consider some other things

721
00:41:22.140 --> 00:41:24.420
when I'm wanting to choose.

722
00:41:24.780 --> 00:41:26.580
So like, this is some of the things you learn

723
00:41:26.580 --> 00:41:27.840
alone in the process.

724
00:41:28.100 --> 00:41:30.580
Does it mean you still give somebody a goal

725
00:41:30.580 --> 00:41:32.920
if they don't something, something, something?

726
00:41:33.000 --> 00:41:33.900
I don't know.

727
00:41:34.080 --> 00:41:36.280
Like they can all be sorted out,

728
00:41:36.340 --> 00:41:40.240
but you start learning things about yourself from day one.

729
00:41:40.260 --> 00:41:42.760
If you X out like, no, don't meet, don't meet, don't meet.

730
00:41:42.760 --> 00:41:45.560
Unless he's not mature marriage minded and masculine.

731
00:41:46.060 --> 00:41:47.400
That makes sense.

732
00:41:47.520 --> 00:41:48.040
Okay.

733
00:41:48.340 --> 00:41:48.720
And so.

734
00:41:49.400 --> 00:41:49.640
Yeah.

735
00:41:49.640 --> 00:41:52.440
And it makes it even more low stakes, right?

736
00:41:52.440 --> 00:41:53.400
Because it's low stakes.

737
00:41:53.460 --> 00:41:55.760
You've already decided that you don't want to pursue him.

738
00:41:56.000 --> 00:41:57.560
You already said he may be attractive,

739
00:41:57.660 --> 00:41:59.460
but he's not attractive enough to draw you in

740
00:41:59.460 --> 00:42:00.900
because you've already made some decisions.

741
00:42:01.040 --> 00:42:02.880
He makes an even better date.

742
00:42:04.620 --> 00:42:06.840
Because your representative won't show up

743
00:42:06.840 --> 00:42:08.600
because you think you got something on the line.

744
00:42:09.100 --> 00:42:11.120
Susan is going to show up just as she is.

745
00:42:11.140 --> 00:42:13.000
And that's who you want to show up.

746
00:42:13.560 --> 00:42:14.040
Okay.

747
00:42:14.160 --> 00:42:16.600
Because he's not a threat to you in a sense, right?

748
00:42:17.200 --> 00:42:17.680
Right.

749
00:42:17.680 --> 00:42:19.700
You're not trying to impress him.

750
00:42:20.080 --> 00:42:20.080


751
00:42:20.920 --> 00:42:21.320
Yeah.

752
00:42:21.820 --> 00:42:22.260
Okay.

753
00:42:22.500 --> 00:42:24.260
So that makes it better.

754
00:42:24.320 --> 00:42:24.760
Okay.

755
00:42:25.120 --> 00:42:25.560
Yeah.

756
00:42:25.800 --> 00:42:26.700
I'm just trying to.

757
00:42:27.040 --> 00:42:28.420
Yeah, I think that would be good.

758
00:42:28.440 --> 00:42:30.520
I'm just trying to figure out who to pick and choose

759
00:42:30.580 --> 00:42:31.820
like to go on dates with.

760
00:42:31.820 --> 00:42:35.260
Cause there's like, oh, there's like a lot of matches.

761
00:42:35.420 --> 00:42:38.600
And then it's like, ah, you're trying to like weed them out.

762
00:42:38.600 --> 00:42:40.600
But then like you're weeding them out based on like,

763
00:42:40.600 --> 00:42:41.560
I'm looking for a husband.

764
00:42:41.740 --> 00:42:42.800
So then I'm like.

765
00:42:42.900 --> 00:42:43.340
Yeah.

766
00:42:43.340 --> 00:42:45.560
So stop looking for a husband.

767
00:42:46.220 --> 00:42:46.660
Okay.

768
00:42:46.660 --> 00:42:49.160
Dating for Discovery is about discovering you.

769
00:42:49.600 --> 00:42:51.580
We believe that God is writing your love story.

770
00:42:51.840 --> 00:42:54.360
And right now he's creating capacity in you.

771
00:42:54.560 --> 00:42:55.640
He's deconstructing.

772
00:42:56.120 --> 00:42:58.160
He's making sure that those things in you

773
00:42:58.160 --> 00:43:00.560
that don't serve a kingdom marriage well,

774
00:43:00.680 --> 00:43:03.460
kind of get eliminated before you go into it.

775
00:43:03.660 --> 00:43:06.240
And so he's creating in you compassion,

776
00:43:06.960 --> 00:43:08.360
empathy, grace, forgiveness,

777
00:43:08.920 --> 00:43:11.340
the ability to measure things well,

778
00:43:11.640 --> 00:43:13.740
the ability to become self-aware of you

779
00:43:13.740 --> 00:43:15.720
and to give grace and space for other people

780
00:43:15.720 --> 00:43:16.840
to be who they are,

781
00:43:17.220 --> 00:43:19.980
to be willing to show up and be vulnerable as yourself.

782
00:43:20.460 --> 00:43:23.120
And so all of this, that's what this dating is for.

783
00:43:23.780 --> 00:43:25.760
And like a lot of times we like, but I'm dating,

784
00:43:25.960 --> 00:43:27.600
I need, I'm not wasting time,

785
00:43:27.640 --> 00:43:29.620
but this is investing time in you

786
00:43:29.620 --> 00:43:32.640
so that you can expand who you are

787
00:43:32.640 --> 00:43:34.860
because God is writing your love story.

788
00:43:35.160 --> 00:43:37.440
And so that's why Jackie gives this like,

789
00:43:37.460 --> 00:43:39.540
I feels like an impossible number, like seven,

790
00:43:39.540 --> 00:43:41.380
go on many dates as you can,

791
00:43:41.520 --> 00:43:42.840
learn things about yourself,

792
00:43:42.940 --> 00:43:44.000
do as much as you can,

793
00:43:44.000 --> 00:43:45.940
do low stakes dating, go on coffee date,

794
00:43:46.020 --> 00:43:47.280
learn how you set your boundaries,

795
00:43:47.400 --> 00:43:49.660
learn how when this man really likes you,

796
00:43:49.660 --> 00:43:51.620
but you don't really like him

797
00:43:51.620 --> 00:43:54.340
and you're able to say, hey, I think that you're great,

798
00:43:54.720 --> 00:43:56.520
but I don't wanna go any further.

799
00:43:56.740 --> 00:43:59.120
It's really hard when someone pursues you

800
00:43:59.120 --> 00:44:03.860
and really likes you and you have to let them go, right?

801
00:44:03.860 --> 00:44:05.240
For some women that's hard

802
00:44:05.240 --> 00:44:06.940
because women don't like to say no,

803
00:44:07.380 --> 00:44:10.180
they wanna be kind, I don't wanna hurt him.

804
00:44:10.340 --> 00:44:11.640
You're not gonna hurt a person

805
00:44:11.640 --> 00:44:13.160
by telling them you don't want them,

806
00:44:13.160 --> 00:44:14.760
they gonna be glad you walked away

807
00:44:14.760 --> 00:44:16.520
if you don't desire them.

808
00:44:17.240 --> 00:44:20.960
And so you get to just like expand in so many ways.

809
00:44:21.040 --> 00:44:23.440
And that's why we want you guys to focus

810
00:44:23.960 --> 00:44:25.620
on dating for discovery,

811
00:44:25.760 --> 00:44:28.460
getting to know you and having fun

812
00:44:28.460 --> 00:44:31.100
and not allow thought processes like,

813
00:44:31.440 --> 00:44:33.320
well, I feel like I'm playing with somebody.

814
00:44:33.720 --> 00:44:36.500
Every person you date is not gonna be your spouse,

815
00:44:36.560 --> 00:44:38.720
that's why it's called dating, right?

816
00:44:38.720 --> 00:44:39.300
Right?

817
00:44:41.000 --> 00:44:41.000


818
00:44:41.680 --> 00:44:43.280
So that, and so you just kinda,

819
00:44:43.600 --> 00:44:44.580
does that make more sense

820
00:44:44.580 --> 00:44:45.680
of what you're supposed to be doing?

821
00:44:45.820 --> 00:44:47.300
Oh, and I think you should date,

822
00:44:47.300 --> 00:44:51.040
if a guy's solid, go out to coffee with him.

823
00:44:51.040 --> 00:44:51.320
Okay.

824
00:44:51.760 --> 00:44:53.500
You know, if he's solid, if you don't wanna,

825
00:44:53.780 --> 00:44:55.040
you know you're not interested,

826
00:44:55.380 --> 00:44:57.780
I mean, there's nothing wrong with going out to dinner.

827
00:44:58.100 --> 00:44:59.980
Men know, men are not women.

828
00:45:01.560 --> 00:45:09.420
Men know the cost of dating and that's what, you know, men know, that's how it works for

829
00:45:09.420 --> 00:45:09.760
men.

830
00:45:10.400 --> 00:45:10.400


831
00:45:11.080 --> 00:45:11.380
Okay.

832
00:45:12.240 --> 00:45:12.740
Okay.

833
00:45:12.740 --> 00:45:13.580
That makes sense.

834
00:45:13.780 --> 00:45:15.140
Do you feel comfortable with that?

835
00:45:15.620 --> 00:45:16.120
Yeah.

836
00:45:16.120 --> 00:45:17.040
That makes sense.

837
00:45:17.580 --> 00:45:19.640
Um, can I ask you two more quick questions?

838
00:45:19.840 --> 00:45:20.340
Yeah.

839
00:45:20.380 --> 00:45:20.880
Okay.

840
00:45:21.400 --> 00:45:27.140
So, um, I went to a thing through, so I'm doing online dating for the first time, just

841
00:45:27.140 --> 00:45:28.080
like been on like a month.

842
00:45:28.080 --> 00:45:30.380
I feel like I haven't had that much dating experience either.

843
00:45:31.480 --> 00:45:39.360
And so, um, I went to a thing at church actually, like a thirties group and I started just talking

844
00:45:39.360 --> 00:45:40.340
to this guy right away.

845
00:45:40.340 --> 00:45:44.440
Like he struck up a conversation with me and we really vibed, he was really cool.

846
00:45:44.720 --> 00:45:48.720
I feel like he liked me cause he talked to me the entire night.

847
00:45:48.720 --> 00:45:51.280
It was a long, like a long time.

848
00:45:51.280 --> 00:45:56.580
And, um, so I was, yeah, it was like, nice, pretty cute.

849
00:45:56.580 --> 00:46:01.120
And I was impressed with how, like you praise and toes and just all kinds of stuff.

850
00:46:01.120 --> 00:46:03.880
Like he really seems like he hears from the Lord and just stuff like that.

851
00:46:03.880 --> 00:46:06.200
And I'm really, you know, serious about that.

852
00:46:07.040 --> 00:46:11.920
So then, um, the end of the night he was still lingering and then he's like, Oh, I want to

853
00:46:11.920 --> 00:46:13.240
send you that real estate thing.

854
00:46:13.240 --> 00:46:14.820
Give me your, like, Oh, what's your number?

855
00:46:14.900 --> 00:46:15.400
You know, blah, blah, blah.

856
00:46:15.440 --> 00:46:20.020
We walk outside and there's like two other girls and they really kind of should have

857
00:46:20.020 --> 00:46:22.500
probably had him escort them to their, their car.

858
00:46:22.500 --> 00:46:23.840
But he was like, you guys are good.

859
00:46:23.860 --> 00:46:24.120
Right.

860
00:46:24.200 --> 00:46:30.040
And he just kind of let them when I was like, okay, so we're like, we're still talking.

861
00:46:30.520 --> 00:46:37.900
And, and I mean, he was just, he talked a lot and then, um, I gave him the number and

862
00:46:37.900 --> 00:46:43.180
then he said something about, you know, yeah, we'll stay in touch or I don't remember

863
00:46:43.180 --> 00:46:48.240
exactly, but I just felt like he liked me.

864
00:46:48.240 --> 00:46:51.520
So then I forgot to like acknowledge his text, you know?

865
00:46:51.520 --> 00:46:52.980
So it was like the weekend pass.

866
00:46:53.020 --> 00:46:54.380
It was like two days, three days past.

867
00:46:54.380 --> 00:46:55.080
And I was like, that's weird.

868
00:46:55.120 --> 00:46:56.020
I never heard from him.

869
00:46:56.080 --> 00:46:57.800
So I text him and like, Oh, I'm so sorry.

870
00:46:57.860 --> 00:46:59.040
I forgot to acknowledge that.

871
00:46:59.060 --> 00:46:59.900
Yes, this is my number.

872
00:47:00.020 --> 00:47:00.980
I received your text.

873
00:47:01.220 --> 00:47:02.860
Thank you for sending me the real estate thing.

874
00:47:03.060 --> 00:47:06.580
Then he told me that he showed up at my church on Sunday because I told him to go to

875
00:47:06.580 --> 00:47:07.160
my church.

876
00:47:07.660 --> 00:47:12.480
I ended up not making it, but anyway, I don't know.

877
00:47:13.280 --> 00:47:16.440
It's kind of different because on the dating apps, there's like the attention that I'm

878
00:47:16.440 --> 00:47:20.160
like looking to date, but with this, it was just like a church thing.

879
00:47:20.340 --> 00:47:21.540
It wasn't a church dating thing.

880
00:47:21.620 --> 00:47:22.940
It was just a church thing.

881
00:47:22.940 --> 00:47:26.820
So I'm like, not sure if I should say anything or how to like go about it, I guess.

882
00:47:26.880 --> 00:47:28.760
But I also feel like, well, why aren't you saying anything?

883
00:47:28.820 --> 00:47:30.180
Why aren't you initiating anything?

884
00:47:30.340 --> 00:47:32.600
So then I'm like, I don't know.

885
00:47:32.940 --> 00:47:35.080
So then I think I, and then I think I messaged him.

886
00:47:35.340 --> 00:47:39.220
We messaged back and forth and his texts were very nice and very thoughtful like

887
00:47:39.500 --> 00:47:41.200
responses, but it was like pretty simple.

888
00:47:41.300 --> 00:47:45.300
Then I think I text him again because there's a pastor he listens to and my friend

889
00:47:45.300 --> 00:47:46.600
loves him and she was talking about him.

890
00:47:46.620 --> 00:47:48.720
So I messaged him and ask him, is this the same person?

891
00:47:48.760 --> 00:47:49.440
He's like, yeah.

892
00:47:50.160 --> 00:47:52.560
But then I said, oh, are you going to come to church on Sunday?

893
00:47:52.840 --> 00:47:56.320
You know, if you, if you come again, like make sure you say hi or let me know.

894
00:47:56.340 --> 00:47:58.120
And he's like, oh yeah, I'm not going to go.

895
00:47:58.480 --> 00:47:58.840
Okay.

896
00:47:59.540 --> 00:47:59.900
So.

897
00:48:01.360 --> 00:48:03.240
I feel like I reached out twice.

898
00:48:03.760 --> 00:48:05.000
Like, I feel like I'm done.

899
00:48:05.720 --> 00:48:07.000
Yeah, you did good.

900
00:48:07.100 --> 00:48:07.440
All right.

901
00:48:07.760 --> 00:48:09.380
He has access to you.

902
00:48:09.440 --> 00:48:11.500
And so if he wants to say something, he can.

903
00:48:12.480 --> 00:48:12.480


904
00:48:12.480 --> 00:48:15.580
And he might've been a little discouraged showing up at the church.

905
00:48:15.760 --> 00:48:19.020
You never know his thoughts, but he has access to you.

906
00:48:19.140 --> 00:48:20.240
You've made yourself friendly.

907
00:48:20.420 --> 00:48:21.760
You've shown yourself to be friendly.

908
00:48:22.160 --> 00:48:23.320
And so this on him.

909
00:48:23.960 --> 00:48:24.360
Okay.

910
00:48:24.560 --> 00:48:29.840
I feel like I usually dismiss people super quick and I'm like, well, if you're

911
00:48:29.840 --> 00:48:30.700
interested, you'll let me know.

912
00:48:30.700 --> 00:48:34.900
But then like listening to the program and stuff, I feel like I'm learning that I

913
00:48:34.900 --> 00:48:38.440
should be a little bit more, I don't know, like friendly or flexible.

914
00:48:38.580 --> 00:48:40.300
So I'm trying to figure out the balance.

915
00:48:40.760 --> 00:48:41.200
Yeah.

916
00:48:41.860 --> 00:48:44.400
And that's the fun of dating for discovery.

917
00:48:44.480 --> 00:48:48.060
Cause you're trying to figure out the balance of what do I do?

918
00:48:48.380 --> 00:48:49.720
What do I let them do?

919
00:48:49.740 --> 00:48:51.820
And how do I not go overboard?

920
00:48:52.400 --> 00:48:52.900
Right.

921
00:48:52.920 --> 00:48:55.940
And that's why this low stakes is so fun.

922
00:48:56.640 --> 00:48:57.140
Okay.

923
00:48:58.720 --> 00:49:02.800
And then like last week I asked you about this police officer and we had our first

924
00:49:02.800 --> 00:49:03.940
date and it was really good.

925
00:49:04.600 --> 00:49:07.680
And, um, I like, he was texting me almost every day, like a morning.

926
00:49:07.880 --> 00:49:08.360
How are you feeling?

927
00:49:08.500 --> 00:49:09.420
How was your day?

928
00:49:09.420 --> 00:49:09.900
It just.

929
00:49:10.220 --> 00:49:10.740
That's it.

930
00:49:10.740 --> 00:49:13.620
Then the next day, same thing, but it was good, you know, checking in or whatever.

931
00:49:14.420 --> 00:49:20.420
And then, um, he had, I'm thinking like, are you going to ask me on another one

932
00:49:20.420 --> 00:49:22.660
on the first date you mentioned it, but you're not getting to the point.

933
00:49:23.140 --> 00:49:28.660
And then, um, finally last week, I think he had messaged me or I messaged him and

934
00:49:28.660 --> 00:49:29.920
I said, oh, I'd like to see you again.

935
00:49:29.920 --> 00:49:31.200
And he was like, oh, me too.

936
00:49:31.400 --> 00:49:32.860
What what's good for you Thursday.

937
00:49:32.860 --> 00:49:34.080
And I'm like, yeah, okay.

938
00:49:34.080 --> 00:49:34.640
I'll set it up.

939
00:49:34.680 --> 00:49:37.500
I mean, he was like on it after I said, I'd like to see you again.

940
00:49:38.700 --> 00:49:41.980
And then, so we set up for Thursday and then he texts me Thursday morning and he

941
00:49:41.980 --> 00:49:46.180
had to cancel because he got called into work and I said, oh, bummer, but I

942
00:49:46.180 --> 00:49:46.180


943
00:49:46.420 --> 00:49:48.060
And then he said, thank you for understanding.

944
00:49:48.260 --> 00:49:52.920
And then I parted it and then I haven't heard anything, which is weird.

945
00:49:53.780 --> 00:49:56.940
Cause it's been like four days, I think.

946
00:49:58.460 --> 00:49:59.980
Um, so now I'm like, I don't think I need to text him again.

947
00:49:59.980 --> 00:49:59.980


948
00:49:59.980 --> 00:49:59.980


949
00:49:59.980 --> 00:49:59.980


950
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.180
To say like he should obviously know to reach back out if you want to reschedule, right?

951
00:50:05.040 --> 00:50:12.860
Right. Yeah. No, I'll just leave it. Okay. Yeah, just leave that be um, he yeah, no that's on him. Okay

952
00:50:13.060 --> 00:50:15.460
I just want to make sure that's what I thought

953
00:50:16.200 --> 00:50:19.900
Yeah, because he came at the gate strong then he slowed up

954
00:50:19.900 --> 00:50:25.060
Maybe he don't really have time for this in his life right now. That's why you got to let him lead in there

955
00:50:25.220 --> 00:50:26.180
Okay, good

956
00:50:26.340 --> 00:50:26.820
perfect

957
00:50:27.460 --> 00:50:35.740
Okay, thanks exciting, you're welcome. Thank you. Laurie

958
00:50:36.960 --> 00:50:40.780
Hi, ebony. Hey, I miss you

959
00:50:42.040 --> 00:50:44.420
You're on mute lorry

960
00:50:46.380 --> 00:50:48.280
Oh miss you too

961
00:50:48.280 --> 00:50:51.360
Yeah, i've been on the i've been on the one o'clock

962
00:50:52.320 --> 00:51:00.080
So I did share today so up to you if I update you here, but there's new information since

963
00:51:01.280 --> 00:51:06.080
Since the um my call the call this afternoon so I could process that with you but

964
00:51:07.280 --> 00:51:09.060
i'll go uh

965
00:51:09.060 --> 00:51:12.200
How about you? Let me go to I have to go to the one o'clock call too

966
00:51:12.200 --> 00:51:17.380
So me and carla we share notes, but i'm gonna go to the one o'clock recording anyway

967
00:51:17.380 --> 00:51:23.100
And then i'll if you if y'all share if you shared it there i'll listen to it on the one o'clock

968
00:51:23.580 --> 00:51:24.020
Yeah

969
00:51:24.300 --> 00:51:24.740
I

970
00:51:25.320 --> 00:51:29.320
I think that'll be best. Do you feel some type of way about me doing it that way?

971
00:51:29.960 --> 00:51:37.100
Oh, no, that's totally fine. You just said you wanted to you wanted an update. So yeah, I didn't know you on we didn't I didn't

972
00:51:37.720 --> 00:51:43.840
Um speak with carla, but I didn't know that you updated at one o'clock and I was already supposed to go on the one o'clock call

973
00:51:44.480 --> 00:51:46.720
Okay, some other uh ladies

974
00:51:47.360 --> 00:51:50.580
That I needed to hear where they were. So yeah

975
00:51:51.060 --> 00:51:54.800
okay, i'm just continuing to have opportunities with

976
00:51:56.320 --> 00:51:57.080
um

977
00:51:57.080 --> 00:52:04.360
Leaning into the lord with I had two video dates this weekend and one i'm real i'm quite interested in okay

978
00:52:04.620 --> 00:52:06.740
and went better than

979
00:52:07.160 --> 00:52:12.560
expected I was really nervous because he's really high profile and

980
00:52:13.320 --> 00:52:14.080
um

981
00:52:14.800 --> 00:52:19.480
And so yeah, it was just he was such a war and and kind of had more like

982
00:52:19.640 --> 00:52:21.400
Felt like we were

983
00:52:21.400 --> 00:52:26.400
Just kind of flinging information over the fence. Like it didn't feel like any real like

984
00:52:27.800 --> 00:52:28.400
um

985
00:52:29.020 --> 00:52:33.040
Not not that i'm looking for deep but any like connecting sort of yeah

986
00:52:34.020 --> 00:52:35.260
um, so anyway

987
00:52:35.540 --> 00:52:38.820
yeah, he was so warm and so

988
00:52:39.420 --> 00:52:43.880
just such a kind person and easy to talk to and

989
00:52:44.080 --> 00:52:48.400
We talked for like 40 minutes video chat. He lives in minnesota

990
00:52:48.400 --> 00:52:50.620
but he does have

991
00:52:50.620 --> 00:52:53.680
kids from like age 8 until 18

992
00:52:54.640 --> 00:52:56.460
and mine are

993
00:52:56.680 --> 00:53:04.420
26 and 29 and carla was thinking well just you know dating for discovery again, but i'm like well, that's

994
00:53:04.420 --> 00:53:07.300
That's a that's a whole different season of life

995
00:53:07.580 --> 00:53:08.660
That's true

996
00:53:09.200 --> 00:53:09.680
It is

997
00:53:10.480 --> 00:53:11.840
You never know

998
00:53:11.840 --> 00:53:16.140
Yeah, yeah just get to know I mean, you know, so

999
00:53:16.980 --> 00:53:21.780
So anyway, he said he would like he want he would like to get to know me

1000
00:53:23.820 --> 00:53:24.420
um

1001
00:53:24.420 --> 00:53:27.760
Which is great, but I still had my anxious attachment thing

1002
00:53:28.860 --> 00:53:32.920
Going on a little bit. Um sent a message

1003
00:53:33.100 --> 00:53:36.740
He messaged right after we got off off the call, which was great

1004
00:53:36.840 --> 00:53:38.920
and then um

1005
00:53:38.920 --> 00:53:43.880
The thing that I didn't share with carla because he just messaged was like after like

1006
00:53:45.800 --> 00:53:52.220
The next day like I sent a voice message and then I just heard back like while we're on this call

1007
00:53:52.220 --> 00:53:55.040
So i've had a had an opportunity to really

1008
00:53:55.480 --> 00:53:57.460
Release it connect with the lord

1009
00:53:58.560 --> 00:54:00.600
Um had a great encounter with the lord

1010
00:54:00.600 --> 00:54:05.780
which I honestly still have to decode because there were so many things in it that i'm not quite sure what it means but

1011
00:54:05.780 --> 00:54:10.040
I guess now like and at the end of it. I said I would love to read, you know

1012
00:54:10.040 --> 00:54:15.720
Enjoyed connecting with you would love to connect again. It was just very light-hearted. Hey, this is what i'm up to today

1013
00:54:16.580 --> 00:54:17.060
okay

1014
00:54:18.520 --> 00:54:19.000
and

1015
00:54:19.580 --> 00:54:22.740
uh kind of responding to what he had messaged but

1016
00:54:23.600 --> 00:54:30.540
You know, then it's like oh my word. Lori. It's only been 24 hours like back it off girl like

1017
00:54:30.540 --> 00:54:31.100
Like

1018
00:54:31.900 --> 00:54:36.740
Why why why so many emotions in a 24 hour period?

1019
00:54:36.980 --> 00:54:42.240
so that's you know, that's that's something that's been really good for me to like just

1020
00:54:42.920 --> 00:54:45.180
Have the space and and back up

1021
00:54:45.880 --> 00:54:51.160
Yeah, and what I did that was new was I didn't end things yesterday

1022
00:54:51.160 --> 00:54:56.280
I didn't I had so much coming up in me that wanted to say. Hey, it was

1023
00:54:56.420 --> 00:54:58.700
Great to meet you. I wish you well

1024
00:54:58.700 --> 00:54:59.980
And I

1025
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.320
thought, what would be a new thing that I haven't done before?

1026
00:55:03.380 --> 00:55:05.340
And I'd be like, just let it go.

1027
00:55:06.380 --> 00:55:12.620
And he messaged back today and like, just said what he's been up to and, um,

1028
00:55:12.620 --> 00:55:21.040
responded to everything that I mentioned in my voice message and, um, said what

1029
00:55:21.040 --> 00:55:26.280
he was up to and, but he didn't say I'd like to connect again, but he did say

1030
00:55:26.280 --> 00:55:31.080
he wanted to get to know me, so maybe he thinks that's obvious, but, and he's

1031
00:55:31.080 --> 00:55:39.040
heading to Arizona with his son Thursday, he's interviewing, he's like in the

1032
00:55:39.040 --> 00:55:42.140
fourth interview for a new role.

1033
00:55:42.860 --> 00:55:46.060
So, um, he's, he's really busy.

1034
00:55:46.180 --> 00:55:48.100
That's the other thing I'm not sure about.

1035
00:55:48.540 --> 00:55:49.480
Oh yeah.

1036
00:55:50.500 --> 00:55:51.180
Yeah.

1037
00:55:51.180 --> 00:55:52.260
There's a lot.

1038
00:55:52.320 --> 00:55:53.100
I mean, yeah.

1039
00:55:54.120 --> 00:55:55.480
I mean, yeah.

1040
00:55:56.200 --> 00:55:56.420
Yeah.

1041
00:55:56.420 --> 00:55:56.860
Yeah.

1042
00:55:56.860 --> 00:56:00.520
Like he, he led Asia for his company.

1043
00:56:01.340 --> 00:56:02.000
Yeah.

1044
00:56:02.140 --> 00:56:06.020
So you're sensing that he probably doesn't have time for a relationship.

1045
00:56:07.280 --> 00:56:09.660
You think that's possible is what you're saying?

1046
00:56:10.160 --> 00:56:10.820
It's possible.

1047
00:56:10.860 --> 00:56:18.320
I mean, I think he is really high capacity, but I'm thinking, I mean, that

1048
00:56:18.320 --> 00:56:20.100
is so opposite of me.

1049
00:56:20.100 --> 00:56:26.020
Like, well, stop thinking.

1050
00:56:26.380 --> 00:56:26.560
Yeah.

1051
00:56:26.680 --> 00:56:27.440
All right.

1052
00:56:27.980 --> 00:56:29.660
Just stop thinking.

1053
00:56:30.780 --> 00:56:36.240
And just because you sense anxiousness, you're bent toward anxious attachment.

1054
00:56:36.460 --> 00:56:38.280
It doesn't mean that you're being set back.

1055
00:56:38.500 --> 00:56:40.840
It doesn't mean that you're attaching anxiously again.

1056
00:56:41.000 --> 00:56:45.160
It means that when it rises up, you realize that you were, you

1057
00:56:45.160 --> 00:56:47.520
are bent in that direction.

1058
00:56:47.520 --> 00:56:51.200
But it doesn't mean you can't pull yourself in another direction.

1059
00:56:51.280 --> 00:56:55.360
It doesn't mean you can't say, Hey, Laurie, you're leaning that way.

1060
00:56:55.440 --> 00:56:58.620
And you can say, Oh, I'm going to lean in another direction.

1061
00:56:58.840 --> 00:57:00.940
It's natural for you to lean that way.

1062
00:57:01.100 --> 00:57:04.340
But sometimes we see ourselves doing what is natural to us.

1063
00:57:04.560 --> 00:57:05.480
There's something wrong with us.

1064
00:57:05.540 --> 00:57:06.260
I need more hard work.

1065
00:57:06.420 --> 00:57:06.940
I need more of this.

1066
00:57:07.160 --> 00:57:07.920
No, no, no, no, no.

1067
00:57:07.920 --> 00:57:08.280
Yeah.

1068
00:57:08.680 --> 00:57:10.640
You are naturally bent that way.

1069
00:57:10.660 --> 00:57:13.160
So then you just bend yourself the other way.

1070
00:57:13.640 --> 00:57:14.100
Yeah.

1071
00:57:14.280 --> 00:57:17.300
And I thought, Oh gosh, if I wanted to be excited about something,

1072
00:57:17.300 --> 00:57:20.980
what could I be excited about instead of scared about it?

1073
00:57:21.180 --> 00:57:25.220
But so he didn't mention anything about that's good lean the other way.

1074
00:57:25.820 --> 00:57:31.040
And then just also, you know, refocus my own life and what I'm developing in

1075
00:57:31.060 --> 00:57:37.060
myself and community and developing and just continue to build that and enjoy

1076
00:57:37.120 --> 00:57:37.680
that.

1077
00:57:38.560 --> 00:57:43.840
And, um, but I think, you know, like, so I'll wait a good day to respond back.

1078
00:57:45.360 --> 00:57:50.080
And, um, I don't think I'll mention anything about getting together

1079
00:57:50.080 --> 00:57:51.800
because I already put it out there.

1080
00:57:52.040 --> 00:57:52.520
He knows.

1081
00:57:53.140 --> 00:57:53.700
Yeah.

1082
00:57:55.340 --> 00:57:58.480
And, um, yeah, you'll see.

1083
00:57:59.660 --> 00:58:00.220
Okay.

1084
00:58:00.260 --> 00:58:03.140
And continue just like stewarding this.

1085
00:58:03.800 --> 00:58:06.160
I'm not going to say, Hey, I want to get together.

1086
00:58:06.220 --> 00:58:10.620
It's like the gal that just spoke, she's like, they know.

1087
00:58:11.020 --> 00:58:11.580
Yeah.

1088
00:58:11.580 --> 00:58:11.900
Yeah.

1089
00:58:12.640 --> 00:58:16.220
And if he wants to get with you, he knows you've given the invitation.

1090
00:58:16.400 --> 00:58:17.500
So it's not like it's not there.

1091
00:58:19.000 --> 00:58:19.380
Yeah.

1092
00:58:19.700 --> 00:58:20.120
Yeah.

1093
00:58:20.120 --> 00:58:26.240
And I figure, I figure, I think somebody like him probably needs to sense

1094
00:58:26.920 --> 00:58:27.480
freedom.

1095
00:58:27.720 --> 00:58:33.600
You know, that to sense that he's got the space he needs to,

1096
00:58:36.140 --> 00:58:37.080
I don't know.

1097
00:58:37.080 --> 00:58:38.120
I don't know him.

1098
00:58:38.120 --> 00:58:39.420
You don't know him.

1099
00:58:39.420 --> 00:58:44.940
Don't make thoughts about who he is because he's this or he's high profile.

1100
00:58:45.560 --> 00:58:49.880
Listen, he could be high profile with a, with a, a really traumatic,

1101
00:58:50.540 --> 00:58:52.000
toxic patterns about himself.

1102
00:58:52.200 --> 00:58:53.180
You don't know him.

1103
00:58:54.200 --> 00:58:54.800
Yeah.

1104
00:58:54.800 --> 00:58:56.400
You don't, you really don't.

1105
00:58:56.520 --> 00:58:56.880
Yeah.

1106
00:58:56.880 --> 00:59:00.320
Greatest thing you can remind yourself about a person that you don't know

1107
00:59:00.320 --> 00:59:01.780
is that you don't know him.

1108
00:59:02.380 --> 00:59:02.780
Yeah.

1109
00:59:03.200 --> 00:59:07.520
Yeah. Because I decided to go like, Oh, he's avoidant.

1110
00:59:07.520 --> 00:59:09.860
And I'm like, I don't know that.

1111
00:59:10.060 --> 00:59:14.280
You don't know that we, we women, we are, we have this,

1112
00:59:14.480 --> 00:59:16.080
especially when you're on this faith journey.

1113
00:59:16.080 --> 00:59:18.080
You just try to map stuff out.

1114
00:59:18.120 --> 00:59:19.320
You try to feel safe.

1115
00:59:19.320 --> 00:59:20.560
You try to hammer down.

1116
00:59:20.600 --> 00:59:22.960
You talk about how much they love God.

1117
00:59:23.000 --> 00:59:25.420
You know, you didn't say this, but you don't even know what they look out.

1118
00:59:25.420 --> 00:59:26.980
You know, they said they love God.

1119
00:59:27.020 --> 00:59:27.640
You don't know.

1120
00:59:27.940 --> 00:59:28.900
We don't know.

1121
00:59:28.980 --> 00:59:31.000
But we're like, yeah, he loves God.

1122
00:59:31.040 --> 00:59:31.940
He's out of the door.

1123
00:59:31.980 --> 00:59:32.980
And I think he's like this.

1124
00:59:33.000 --> 00:59:33.740
And I think like that.

1125
00:59:33.860 --> 00:59:35.160
And the truth is, you just really don't know.

1126
00:59:35.160 --> 00:59:40.840
And it, how we can, you have to constantly remind yourself that you do not know them.

1127
00:59:42.020 --> 00:59:42.500
Yeah.

1128
00:59:42.500 --> 00:59:43.080
That I don't.

1129
00:59:43.240 --> 00:59:47.220
And they don't know you, you know, you, and you think, because you know, you,

1130
00:59:47.440 --> 00:59:49.480
they know you because you're like, well, I'm being me.

1131
00:59:49.680 --> 00:59:50.360
They don't know you.

1132
00:59:52.380 --> 00:59:53.920
They don't know you.

1133
00:59:54.220 --> 00:59:56.660
So I'm going to check out your 1 PM.

1134
00:59:58.160 --> 00:59:59.120
And yeah.

1135
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.980
all right I'm trying I'm trying to have three people but I don't at the moment

1136
01:00:06.980 --> 01:00:13.540
so it's okay this just honestly I've taken I took most of September off yeah

1137
01:00:15.640 --> 01:00:22.580
but it does my heart a lot of good to ebb and flow and to just turn it off

1138
01:00:22.580 --> 01:00:33.940
yeah and take a break yeah that's true yeah it does okay thank you you're

1139
01:00:34.560 --> 01:00:46.080
welcome Ashley hey so I was gonna get on and talk about

1140
01:00:46.080 --> 01:00:50.660
something completely different but my sister brought my son home tonight and

1141
01:00:50.990 --> 01:00:58.110
she'd written me a letter and if you remember I'd asked about sharing this

1142
01:00:58.350 --> 01:01:04.930
program with them and you and I kind of mentioned well my mom's fear and then

1143
01:01:04.930 --> 01:01:08.830
my sister and I like we all three talk pretty often you're just like just not

1144
01:01:08.830 --> 01:01:22.830
yet yeah and it's just um they just don't get it they just don't get it

1145
01:01:27.290 --> 01:01:38.470
like she um she says you know she sees um passion about healing she thinks I'm

1146
01:01:38.470 --> 01:01:42.690
confused that I don't know what the next right step is and I'm looking out

1147
01:01:42.690 --> 01:01:49.310
really to find the next right step and that I'm you know that my past trauma is

1148
01:01:49.410 --> 01:01:53.810
you know hindering me and that it's the template that I'm living by and then I'm

1149
01:01:53.810 --> 01:01:58.170
she thinks I'm like desperately reaching at straws to find the answer and then

1150
01:01:58.710 --> 01:02:03.110
they're upset that I'm not going to counseling and I'm like no because they

1151
01:02:03.180 --> 01:02:09.740
suck like and then apparently she's had concerns about the church that I go to

1152
01:02:09.740 --> 01:02:15.240
now and I know for a fact that like God was where I was I was leading a team at

1153
01:02:15.420 --> 01:02:21.840
the church that my sister goes to I had followed her there and and God was like

1154
01:02:21.840 --> 01:02:26.180
hey it's time to go and he lined the whole thing up like it was such a God

1155
01:02:26.240 --> 01:02:32.380
story my move to my new church and it's been so good for me it's been so healing

1156
01:02:32.380 --> 01:02:39.300
like knowing like learning how much he loves me how much he sees me and like

1157
01:02:39.300 --> 01:02:43.500
having actual encounters with him and visions like a whole new world with God

1158
01:02:43.540 --> 01:02:50.860
like and just really transforming my mind and she's like they're isolating

1159
01:02:50.860 --> 01:02:55.180
you and they're they're manipulating you and make sure that they're not false

1160
01:02:55.180 --> 01:03:02.300
prophets and I'm like I'm like how can you even say that like I just did I did

1161
01:03:03.180 --> 01:03:08.120
so through the church but not like under that church is covering he's actually

1162
01:03:08.120 --> 01:03:13.220
covers that church through a different I did a transformational mind renewal

1163
01:03:13.220 --> 01:03:17.040
class I was working on that and then I did this leadership class like and it's

1164
01:03:17.040 --> 01:03:23.940
not like she thinks I'm just like not healing like my soul things I don't like

1165
01:03:23.940 --> 01:03:28.960
I have to know the spirit I have to know the spirit that lives in me so that I

1166
01:03:28.960 --> 01:03:35.080
can even work on healing those other things like and I know they're just

1167
01:03:35.080 --> 01:03:40.420
scared but I'm like what what do you think I'm doing just because I'm not

1168
01:03:40.420 --> 01:03:45.900
going to an actual counselor that you think I need to go to that I'm not

1169
01:03:46.020 --> 01:03:53.320
healing like and then like I've been going to to Fountain Square they do

1170
01:03:53.320 --> 01:03:59.560
dancing on the second and fourth Fridays of every month and and it's a way that

1171
01:03:59.560 --> 01:04:03.720
my daughter actually I've been going there for almost as long as it's been

1172
01:04:03.720 --> 01:04:07.840
open like on and off for like 30 years mostly off because I wasn't living in

1173
01:04:07.840 --> 01:04:13.000
town and my daughter wanted to go so we've been going and I go without her

1174
01:04:13.000 --> 01:04:19.180
because it's nice to like not take teenagers and go dance as well and like

1175
01:04:19.240 --> 01:04:22.660
my mom said the other day like I'm obsessed with it I'm like no I'm having

1176
01:04:22.660 --> 01:04:28.480
fun I'm doing something I enjoy doing like you want me to like be a human but

1177
01:04:28.480 --> 01:04:31.840
I need to do everything for my kids but like I need to like do counseling I'm

1178
01:04:31.840 --> 01:04:42.880
like and now you think like my church is isolating me I'm like so yeah and I'm

1179
01:04:42.880 --> 01:04:46.900
like of course I'm not telling you things like why would I be telling you

1180
01:04:46.900 --> 01:04:51.140
things like I'm not telling you about this class because I got I don't think I

1181
01:04:51.340 --> 01:04:55.580
any of the heart work to them at all maybe a little bit but I'm like well

1182
01:04:55.580 --> 01:04:58.620
sure as heck I'm not mentioning that when I was gonna talk about was

1183
01:04:58.680 --> 01:04:59.980
confessing that I'm probably jumping

1184
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.160
gun a little bit and did some trauma wrong trauma stuff and spent last weekend with not like in a

1185
01:05:07.160 --> 01:05:13.540
bad way but like things that are not following like safe protocol that you guys suggest because

1186
01:05:13.540 --> 01:05:19.920
i don't um like last weekend was a guy i just had so much fun like i know like it was like

1187
01:05:20.400 --> 01:05:25.840
i recognize that like now i'm like okay i was seeing things that i didn't

1188
01:05:26.580 --> 01:05:31.880
right i didn't know that i was seeing right so it's been this whole process like

1189
01:05:32.660 --> 01:05:37.300
okay though even though i had my walls way up yeah i was still seeing red flags maybe a familiar

1190
01:05:37.300 --> 01:05:42.060
spirit as well and then i was like oh like it could be yellow flags but i have no idea because

1191
01:05:42.060 --> 01:05:47.540
i don't actually know and i don't know how to recognize those and and through more conversations

1192
01:05:47.700 --> 01:05:53.100
like while we were dancing some of them dancing and then our conversations over the weekend i'm

1193
01:05:53.660 --> 01:05:59.140
those probably were red flags but i was still safe and i'm still god protected and god defended even

1194
01:05:59.140 --> 01:06:04.240
though i maybe made some stupid things we had so much fun i stayed out till 4 30 in the morning

1195
01:06:04.240 --> 01:06:13.200
i've like i've never done that before in my life but we we want you know i i'm i'm in referral but

1196
01:06:13.200 --> 01:06:17.420
i'm a real estate agent i've always loved houses we've talked about like he's working on his house

1197
01:06:17.420 --> 01:06:24.560
i know it's probably a stupid idea but i was like fine and so he he stayed outside and i

1198
01:06:24.560 --> 01:06:28.700
went and saw his house and we came back out we walked his yard because he's five acres

1199
01:06:28.960 --> 01:06:34.080
we sat we put it we walked the cemetery across the street we sat outside and just sat under

1200
01:06:34.080 --> 01:06:39.540
the stars we put a fire pit together had a fire and we just and turned on music and dance because

1201
01:06:39.540 --> 01:06:46.760
we met dancing and we just had a really great time and i'm like but i can't tell him any of that

1202
01:06:46.760 --> 01:06:52.380
because they're just gonna see all the red flags and freak out and panic again then i'm gonna

1203
01:06:52.620 --> 01:06:58.300
you know marry my ex again and i'm like what but you're missing that i'm learning and like that

1204
01:06:58.300 --> 01:07:03.540
i'm in a community that's helping me like all of the communities have been and have been helping

1205
01:07:03.540 --> 01:07:11.320
me and learning helping me learn who god says i am and who i am so that i can heal those things

1206
01:07:11.320 --> 01:07:17.720
and a counselor doesn't do that they don't do it like it's i mean fine maybe i haven't found the

1207
01:07:17.720 --> 01:07:23.360
right counselor but i'm not wasting my time trying to go from counselor to counselor they don't meet

1208
01:07:23.360 --> 01:07:32.100
at this time of night right and i started going to the gym and i'm like so yeah i kind of confessed

1209
01:07:32.100 --> 01:07:38.720
as well which is my other thing i was gonna do sorry guys well you know i think that this is

1210
01:07:38.720 --> 01:07:45.640
gonna be a time for you to really be able to take back your autonomy and it sounds like that your

1211
01:07:45.640 --> 01:07:50.960
family has made some decisions about your identity and who you are based on some decisions you've

1212
01:07:50.960 --> 01:07:56.560
made in the past based on situations you've been in i believe that probably they're well-meaning

1213
01:07:56.560 --> 01:08:03.080
and good and that they love you um sounds like they want to protect you sounds like uh they they

1214
01:08:03.080 --> 01:08:08.620
could it could be control i don't know what your family dynamics are but i know how family can be

1215
01:08:08.720 --> 01:08:17.060
um but the good news for you is ashley is that um in this process you'll be able to get your

1216
01:08:17.060 --> 01:08:24.420
autonomy back and when you get that autonomy back it makes you least likely to be preyed upon

1217
01:08:24.580 --> 01:08:29.779
and as long as we believe that we can't make good decisions that we can't do it you actually will

1218
01:08:29.779 --> 01:08:35.600
find that you won't do it but you um being in this program and walking with the lord you're

1219
01:08:35.660 --> 01:08:40.180
gonna find out that you can make good decisions and just because you made bad decisions in the

1220
01:08:40.180 --> 01:08:45.500
past all those things may be completely true they may be completely true and that's okay because we

1221
01:08:45.500 --> 01:08:51.020
all have some completely true things about us and decisions that we've made in the past that will

1222
01:08:51.020 --> 01:08:56.800
cause a lot of people be like you did what that's right i've done things in my own life that was so

1223
01:08:56.800 --> 01:09:01.040
stupid it's like why did you put up with that why did you allow somebody to treat you that way

1224
01:09:01.040 --> 01:09:05.760
why did you this and why did you that those things are absolutely true and it's absolutely

1225
01:09:05.760 --> 01:09:10.660
true that i sit in front of you carrying the wisdom of heaven it is absolutely true that i

1226
01:09:10.660 --> 01:09:16.140
sit in front of you powerful i sit in front of you from the stupid things that i made from the

1227
01:09:16.140 --> 01:09:18.640
things that tore me down because i didn't understand my worth and i didn't understand

1228
01:09:18.640 --> 01:09:22.520
my value and because of the way i was raised and from childhood trauma all type of things

1229
01:09:22.520 --> 01:09:28.240
but i sit in front of you a different woman who makes decisions every day and you will be the

1230
01:09:28.420 --> 01:09:33.640
same woman actually and even though your family can't see it it doesn't matter if they can't see

1231
01:09:33.640 --> 01:09:37.660
it because at some point they're not going to be the authority in your life and they're not going

1232
01:09:37.660 --> 01:09:42.560
to be the ones that give you identity and so you're in the process of allowing the lord to

1233
01:09:42.560 --> 01:09:48.560
bring identity to who you are so the thing about family is if my mom says or my dad says or my

1234
01:09:48.560 --> 01:09:54.340
sister said it must be right because they know me right that's a real thing you want to know why

1235
01:09:54.340 --> 01:09:59.980
they care so much weight in your life because if they said it must be true and they're not

1236
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.240
Till they're not saying stuff that's not true

1237
01:10:02.760 --> 01:10:06.620
Right, and so they carry a certain level of authority in your life

1238
01:10:06.620 --> 01:10:09.000
But you're going to begin to see as you get your autonomy

1239
01:10:09.180 --> 01:10:14.540
That's going to wean out and they're going to say the same things to you next year and you won't feel it the same way

1240
01:10:14.540 --> 01:10:18.760
You won't process it the same way you will allow them to have their own opinion

1241
01:10:19.440 --> 01:10:22.200
And you won't work to prove yourself to them

1242
01:10:23.160 --> 01:10:28.320
And the the concept that you have to tell them everything about your life. It is not true

1243
01:10:28.320 --> 01:10:33.200
So you're carrying a guilt because you can't tell them but it's not a matter of you can't tell them

1244
01:10:33.200 --> 01:10:35.360
It's a matter that you choose not to share it

1245
01:10:36.040 --> 01:10:39.980
You have the right to choose not to share but because of the dynamics of your family

1246
01:10:39.980 --> 01:10:46.260
It seems like y'all have to divulge everything for everyone to know but that's not true. You're an individual

1247
01:10:48.640 --> 01:10:50.820
Do you understand you're an individual

1248
01:10:51.500 --> 01:10:56.680
You can share what you choose to share and you can hold back what you choose to hold back and you're not keeping a secret

1249
01:10:57.460 --> 01:10:58.940
It's not a secret

1250
01:10:58.940 --> 01:11:02.760
I know it's hard because of the dynamics of your family

1251
01:11:02.760 --> 01:11:08.160
But neither is it healthy to divulge everything to to your family?

1252
01:11:08.160 --> 01:11:12.160
It don't matter if they're healthy or unhealthy. That's not wisdom

1253
01:11:12.160 --> 01:11:19.800
That's not you being an individual you get to choose what you want to share because you're an individual

1254
01:11:19.800 --> 01:11:27.860
And so your individualism has been somewhere lost along the way and that's okay, too

1255
01:11:27.860 --> 01:11:30.700
Because I once too had lost my individualism

1256
01:11:32.320 --> 01:11:37.320
There are lots of us who've lost our individualism before in relationships or in

1257
01:11:38.060 --> 01:11:44.180
Family dynamics or even in romantic relationships. We've lost our own sense of self

1258
01:11:44.180 --> 01:11:50.620
And so in rediscovering self you're going to find that decisions are going to come you're going to be able to be more powerful in your

1259
01:11:50.620 --> 01:11:51.960
decision-making process

1260
01:11:52.540 --> 01:11:55.620
And so yeah, you went on the date and yes, you had so much fun

1261
01:11:55.620 --> 01:12:01.380
You realized that some of the things you did weren't that safe. However, you were god-defended. Would you do the same thing again?

1262
01:12:01.700 --> 01:12:03.920
No, I would encourage you not to do the same thing

1263
01:12:05.100 --> 01:12:09.680
However, you had fun. You were with someone you felt attracted

1264
01:12:10.320 --> 01:12:14.680
You felt like he desired you you had fun the experience has happened

1265
01:12:15.180 --> 01:12:17.700
And you don't have to share that with your family

1266
01:12:17.700 --> 01:12:22.880
But I want to tell you you don't have to carry the guilt of not sharing it with your family

1267
01:12:25.200 --> 01:12:33.080
There is one who sees all who knows all who saw you when you were there he's the one that protected you and kept you

1268
01:12:35.260 --> 01:12:35.820
You

1269
01:12:35.820 --> 01:12:42.620
See am I you think i'm muted am I muted y'all d says you think i'm you know, I can hear you. Okay, great

1270
01:12:42.620 --> 01:12:43.560
and so

1271
01:12:43.620 --> 01:12:49.800
I just think that it's a journey with you working through that and that's okay, too

1272
01:12:50.360 --> 01:12:56.760
You have this community. You don't you're you're not obligated to share with them about the community that you're part of

1273
01:12:56.760 --> 01:13:00.480
They're not gonna understand. It's okay if they don't understand

1274
01:13:01.000 --> 01:13:01.360
Ashley

1275
01:13:01.960 --> 01:13:08.720
If you keep subjecting yourself to everything that your family who maybe at some point you've made them an idol and they have become god

1276
01:13:08.820 --> 01:13:12.400
We're gonna have to get a new god in your life. It's called jesus christ

1277
01:13:13.960 --> 01:13:16.700
And your new god is not going to be your pastor your new god

1278
01:13:16.700 --> 01:13:19.480
It's not going to be your leaders your new god is not going to be this program

1279
01:13:19.480 --> 01:13:21.040
Your new god is not going to be my voice

1280
01:13:21.040 --> 01:13:26.220
It's going to be jesus and it may take you a while to get there because that's a real thing and it's okay

1281
01:13:26.220 --> 01:13:31.280
Somebody else has carried all the authority maybe because of your value or how you felt about yourself

1282
01:13:31.280 --> 01:13:34.420
The purpose of this program is to build you up

1283
01:13:34.920 --> 01:13:39.320
and so that's what the lord is doing before he ever gives you a husband because if he

1284
01:13:39.320 --> 01:13:46.660
If you got a husband in this condition, your husband will become your family. He's going to become your authority and that's how that happens

1285
01:13:48.100 --> 01:13:53.500
You just shift the authority from one person to the next person and then you find yourself back in bundage again

1286
01:13:53.500 --> 01:13:59.620
And I know I have to move on but it's important that you know that and it's important that you understand the process that you're in

1287
01:13:59.620 --> 01:14:05.120
And god wants to bring back autonomy to you. And so the first order of business for you is autonomy

1288
01:14:06.040 --> 01:14:06.560
you

1289
01:14:07.160 --> 01:14:07.680
nobody

1290
01:14:08.220 --> 01:14:14.100
This is not to say we're putting out this tells you that god is preparing you more than ever for a kingdom marriage

1291
01:14:14.180 --> 01:14:16.860
That he's bringing back autonomy to you

1292
01:14:18.160 --> 01:14:23.200
Because he is not an idea that there's going to be this perfect man that he picks for you

1293
01:14:23.200 --> 01:14:26.000
And this man is going to be perfect and you lack autonomy

1294
01:14:27.000 --> 01:14:28.940
It don't work like that

1295
01:14:29.260 --> 01:14:31.060
You can't lack autonomy

1296
01:14:31.580 --> 01:14:38.380
And be in a marriage you have to have autonomy that's attractive people have to carry their own hold their own

1297
01:14:38.380 --> 01:14:40.920
You're an individual and it's attractive

1298
01:14:41.580 --> 01:14:46.420
And so I am telling you that the sign is there that the lord is working in your favor

1299
01:14:46.420 --> 01:14:48.560
And he's bringing autonomy back to you

1300
01:14:48.800 --> 01:14:56.520
And you're gonna have to resist the lie and the false guilt that you're carrying that you owe these things to tell to your family

1301
01:14:56.520 --> 01:14:59.980
That for a long time was your only community because the lord is bringing

1302
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.760
you new community. And I'm encouraging you to focus your eyes on what's true.

1303
01:15:05.980 --> 01:15:10.940
There are levels of truth. There are levels of facts and then there's truth. So there's

1304
01:15:10.940 --> 01:15:16.160
facts and then there's truth. The truth is you have new community coming all around you.

1305
01:15:17.060 --> 01:15:23.480
The truth is that your God is fully capable of keeping you from deceit. That the devil is not

1306
01:15:23.480 --> 01:15:27.260
bigger than God. That may not have been your experience in the past but I'm telling you,

1307
01:15:27.260 --> 01:15:31.440
you're getting a new experience in life and I want to encourage you to get excited.

1308
01:15:32.280 --> 01:15:37.440
I want to encourage you that when guilt comes upon you to ask to lay it at the feet of Jesus

1309
01:15:37.760 --> 01:15:42.440
and leave it there so he can let you know what to carry and what needs to stay left.

1310
01:15:43.680 --> 01:15:47.640
Right? Like say, hey I bring this to your feet Jesus. I nail it to the cross.

1311
01:15:49.660 --> 01:15:55.100
And I think that this is the place that you're in and I think that you should fully explore

1312
01:15:55.100 --> 01:16:00.820
and don't rush coming out of it because the first part of getting ourselves back is our autonomy

1313
01:16:01.580 --> 01:16:09.640
and understanding that we can make good decisions. We are not void of the ability to make wise

1314
01:16:09.700 --> 01:16:19.240
decisions. If Jesus lives in you, wisdom lives in you. If Jesus lives in you, a sound mind is in

1315
01:16:19.240 --> 01:16:25.980
you. It's impossible to carry Jesus and not have the fullness of everything that heaven has to offer.

1316
01:16:28.900 --> 01:16:31.160
And so I want to tell you that.

1317
01:16:35.320 --> 01:16:36.900
Thanks. You're welcome.

1318
01:16:38.660 --> 01:16:39.220
Okay.

1319
01:16:43.140 --> 01:16:47.720
All right. Ashley, does that sound good to you? Do you feel better? I need to hear back from you

1320
01:16:47.720 --> 01:16:56.520
that this is well with your soul. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And I didn't recognize that it was guilt.

1321
01:16:56.700 --> 01:17:04.760
So that was, that was good. It's false guilt. It's just not false guilt. It's not true.

1322
01:17:06.520 --> 01:17:11.440
Yeah. Okay. And, and post anytime you want on the page, whatever you need prayer for,

1323
01:17:11.780 --> 01:17:16.800
whatever's happening. I would love to, I'll be praying for you anyway,

1324
01:17:16.800 --> 01:17:21.600
even now that I've talked to you and I have more understanding of the dynamics of what's happening.

1325
01:17:23.040 --> 01:17:32.900
Thanks. You're welcome. All right. Um, Oh, we got, uh, that was it. Lauren.

1326
01:17:33.940 --> 01:17:39.400
Y'all know, I be thinking I had so much time and in the tick tock clock. Hey, Lauren.

1327
01:17:39.400 --> 01:17:51.740
Hi. Um, some just to, you know, follow up with that, that date with the guy from Columbus,

1328
01:17:51.800 --> 01:18:00.820
a couple hours away that ended up not happening. He, um, and we were planning to do in the day

1329
01:18:00.820 --> 01:18:12.620
before, um, he ended up not, um, not feeling well having some things going on. And so things

1330
01:18:12.620 --> 01:18:21.160
have kind of, you know, cooled, um, cool with that guy. But then there had been another guy

1331
01:18:21.160 --> 01:18:28.300
that I had had talked to and I had done a, um, a video call with him. And we actually, since he

1332
01:18:28.300 --> 01:18:35.600
it's a little bit closer, we actually did end up getting together for coffee. Um,

1333
01:18:36.020 --> 01:18:44.460
but there were some things when we were talking both on the video call and then at, um, where,

1334
01:18:45.540 --> 01:18:53.880
and just other things that I've messaged with him about, he doesn't seem like he has right now a

1335
01:18:54.900 --> 01:19:00.500
strong relationship with the Lord. It sounded like he was cause he had mentioned several times

1336
01:19:00.500 --> 01:19:05.640
before I kind of more directly asked him about it. Cause I had asked him, Oh, you know, about

1337
01:19:05.640 --> 01:19:13.520
his faith because I, it is important to me that if I'm in a long, long-term relationship, that's

1338
01:19:13.520 --> 01:19:20.620
going to lead to him towards marriage, that the guy shares my faith, but he, and he said, well,

1339
01:19:20.620 --> 01:19:27.960
that he, that he does believe, you know, in God and that he would like to have somebody to go to

1340
01:19:27.960 --> 01:19:36.500
church with. So, and from other questions that I've asked him more kind of directly about what

1341
01:19:36.500 --> 01:19:44.740
he's doing about weekly attending some kind of service or some kind of spiritual guidance and

1342
01:19:44.740 --> 01:19:52.500
being under some kind of teaching. He doesn't have any kind of, um,

1343
01:19:54.380 --> 01:19:58.880
church that he's going to now. It sounded like he says that he, um,

1344
01:20:00.640 --> 01:20:04.620
suffers from like anxiety and social situations.

1345
01:20:05.100 --> 01:20:07.700
And so he doesn't want to go to church by himself,

1346
01:20:07.840 --> 01:20:09.060
which I can understand,

1347
01:20:09.560 --> 01:20:13.820
but I'm kind of like, how are you going to, you know,

1348
01:20:14.540 --> 01:20:17.100
be a leader in our family

1349
01:20:17.300 --> 01:20:22.800
if you're not personally strengthening,

1350
01:20:22.800 --> 01:20:25.840
you know, your relationship with God

1351
01:20:25.840 --> 01:20:31.180
and that you're not having these,

1352
01:20:33.040 --> 01:20:37.200
this community of faith now until you get married?

1353
01:20:40.740 --> 01:20:43.440
Yeah, those are all really good points.

1354
01:20:43.500 --> 01:20:43.940
Yeah.

1355
01:20:44.160 --> 01:20:45.960
Well, I don't really know if things,

1356
01:20:45.960 --> 01:20:47.840
I don't really see things going,

1357
01:20:50.240 --> 01:20:52.100
going any further with him either.

1358
01:20:52.660 --> 01:20:55.680
So, but I did end up going to coffee with him

1359
01:20:55.680 --> 01:21:00.520
and I didn't die or have any,

1360
01:21:01.200 --> 01:21:03.980
nothing happened when I was on the date.

1361
01:21:04.140 --> 01:21:06.220
I didn't get struck down for going out

1362
01:21:06.220 --> 01:21:07.740
with somebody who's not my husband.

1363
01:21:08.800 --> 01:21:11.380
So, not that I ever actually believed that,

1364
01:21:11.480 --> 01:21:14.820
but that's just, you know, so yeah.

1365
01:21:14.820 --> 01:21:16.400
I'm so happy for you, Lauren.

1366
01:21:16.520 --> 01:21:17.820
Was that date number one?

1367
01:21:18.560 --> 01:21:19.160
Yes.

1368
01:21:19.480 --> 01:21:20.080
Yes!

1369
01:21:22.140 --> 01:21:22.740
So.

1370
01:21:22.740 --> 01:21:24.000
I'm so happy for you.

1371
01:21:24.240 --> 01:21:24.820
Thank you.

1372
01:21:24.820 --> 01:21:26.980
Did you enjoy it?

1373
01:21:27.000 --> 01:21:30.120
Yeah, it was interesting getting to know him better,

1374
01:21:30.180 --> 01:21:31.040
but like I said,

1375
01:21:31.580 --> 01:21:33.560
some of those things that kind of came out

1376
01:21:33.700 --> 01:21:35.580
and especially like on the video,

1377
01:21:35.640 --> 01:21:37.880
or yeah, that initial video call that we did,

1378
01:21:38.180 --> 01:21:41.020
he was kind of talking quite a bit

1379
01:21:41.500 --> 01:21:44.720
about like wanting to, you know,

1380
01:21:45.040 --> 01:21:49.100
be kind of touchy feely and like,

1381
01:21:49.120 --> 01:21:52.180
I mean, we, I of course wasn't going to ask him,

1382
01:21:52.280 --> 01:21:53.420
you know, exactly what that meant

1383
01:21:53.420 --> 01:21:54.900
just on the initial call,

1384
01:21:54.900 --> 01:21:57.200
cause I don't really know him and things,

1385
01:21:57.480 --> 01:21:59.740
but cause I was clear that, you know,

1386
01:21:59.900 --> 01:22:01.820
I want, that we need to,

1387
01:22:02.120 --> 01:22:05.780
that I am going to save all of my, you know,

1388
01:22:05.780 --> 01:22:08.680
a lot of the physical side of relationships

1389
01:22:08.840 --> 01:22:13.560
until I am getting married and things,

1390
01:22:14.300 --> 01:22:15.960
especially obviously sex,

1391
01:22:16.400 --> 01:22:18.640
but a lot of other things too,

1392
01:22:18.640 --> 01:22:21.320
I don't believe is necessarily appropriate

1393
01:22:21.320 --> 01:22:27.140
to be doing until you're at least more serious,

1394
01:22:27.240 --> 01:22:29.580
if not, you know, engaged, married.

1395
01:22:30.140 --> 01:22:30.520
Right.

1396
01:22:31.240 --> 01:22:34.640
So he kind of was, you know,

1397
01:22:34.640 --> 01:22:37.700
talking quite a bit about that.

1398
01:22:38.140 --> 01:22:41.280
And so I, again, I wasn't sure if there were,

1399
01:22:41.760 --> 01:22:45.620
we seemed like too different for things

1400
01:22:45.620 --> 01:22:48.720
to really have good,

1401
01:22:51.980 --> 01:22:54.040
good progress and things.

1402
01:22:54.440 --> 01:22:55.960
So I don't really know if things are gonna.

1403
01:22:57.440 --> 01:22:59.580
Well, yeah, if you guys don't see eye to eye

1404
01:22:59.580 --> 01:23:01.940
on those things that are foundational,

1405
01:23:02.220 --> 01:23:04.680
then no, it's not, but you gotta get rid of it.

1406
01:23:04.820 --> 01:23:06.000
Yes, I did get a date.

1407
01:23:07.060 --> 01:23:08.220
That's what matters.

1408
01:23:08.740 --> 01:23:09.320
Thank you.

1409
01:23:09.440 --> 01:23:11.620
I hope you feel all dainty too.

1410
01:23:12.040 --> 01:23:12.600
All right.

1411
01:23:12.780 --> 01:23:13.280
Thank you.

1412
01:23:14.040 --> 01:23:14.520
You're welcome.

1413
01:23:14.860 --> 01:23:16.680
I think, good night, Jodi.

1414
01:23:17.600 --> 01:23:19.300
Did Tommy, Tommy, did you leave?

1415
01:23:19.760 --> 01:23:20.800
Did you still want to?

1416
01:23:20.800 --> 01:23:21.440
I'm still here.

1417
01:23:21.960 --> 01:23:22.340
Hey.

1418
01:23:22.920 --> 01:23:23.720
Hey.

1419
01:23:24.400 --> 01:23:26.220
I think my question was answered.

1420
01:23:26.440 --> 01:23:30.800
Basically, I've been in phase two for a few weeks.

1421
01:23:31.720 --> 01:23:40.300
I was on Hinge and I went to a speed dating event,

1422
01:23:40.460 --> 01:23:42.040
I think last week or the week before

1423
01:23:44.000 --> 01:23:48.580
with one of those like newer companies that make it more,

1424
01:23:48.580 --> 01:23:52.360
it makes it a little bit more like fun and innovative,

1425
01:23:54.580 --> 01:23:55.660
but I'm feeling tired.

1426
01:23:57.480 --> 01:23:58.420
It is tiresome.

1427
01:23:59.000 --> 01:24:04.500
It's tiring and I haven't really been on any dates

1428
01:24:04.500 --> 01:24:07.300
except for the speed dating event.

1429
01:24:08.080 --> 01:24:13.260
And I think I'm just feeling a little stuck on the apps.

1430
01:24:13.720 --> 01:24:16.660
It just, it feels like a wasteland sometimes.

1431
01:24:17.280 --> 01:24:22.540
And I'm not really sure if I just need a break

1432
01:24:23.300 --> 01:24:26.180
or if I should keep pressing on.

1433
01:24:28.280 --> 01:24:29.400
Yeah, I don't know.

1434
01:24:29.700 --> 01:24:31.020
You could take a break

1435
01:24:31.020 --> 01:24:34.220
and then you could try meeting people in person,

1436
01:24:35.640 --> 01:24:37.860
get involved in some stuff in your city,

1437
01:24:38.460 --> 01:24:40.980
see what's going on, meet some people in person,

1438
01:24:41.100 --> 01:24:43.340
take a wing woman with you, go out,

1439
01:24:43.540 --> 01:24:45.140
let her approach the guys for you.

1440
01:24:45.140 --> 01:24:47.780
You approach guys for her, whoever you got,

1441
01:24:47.980 --> 01:24:49.400
a cousin, get your wing woman.

1442
01:24:49.660 --> 01:24:52.500
You sound really young and go out on the town.

1443
01:24:53.060 --> 01:24:55.120
I'm not though, I'm 40.

1444
01:24:55.820 --> 01:24:56.920
Oh, that's young.

1445
01:24:57.020 --> 01:24:59.580
If you're not young, then I'm not young and I'm 42.

1446
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:07.360
I got a wing woman, my brother-in-law is my wing man, he walks up to people for me all

1447
01:25:07.360 --> 01:25:07.940
the time.

1448
01:25:08.160 --> 01:25:10.720
He'll get you a wing woman and hit the town.

1449
01:25:11.200 --> 01:25:17.600
Get a refresher, get over your sting, your possible thoughts of rejection, have a little

1450
01:25:17.600 --> 01:25:18.040
fun.

1451
01:25:18.600 --> 01:25:24.460
But dating apps aren't the only way we can meet people, but sometimes we have our reasons

1452
01:25:24.460 --> 01:25:28.020
for wanting to hang out with dating apps and I understand those as well.

1453
01:25:28.020 --> 01:25:33.900
I think that you could take a little break, you're just two weeks in and there is no hurry,

1454
01:25:34.060 --> 01:25:36.200
no matter what it feels like, you're not in a hurry.

1455
01:25:36.620 --> 01:25:42.240
I'm telling you, December this year don't have to look like December next year.

1456
01:25:43.920 --> 01:25:48.860
When the Lord is writing your love story, you can have fun and focus on things that

1457
01:25:48.860 --> 01:25:51.740
bring you capacity and growth and enjoy your time.

1458
01:25:51.740 --> 01:25:55.740
Because when you say, I do, unless you get a divorce, it's going to be to death do you

1459
01:25:55.940 --> 01:25:58.820
part and all these days will be long behind you.

1460
01:25:59.180 --> 01:26:02.120
So have fun while you're in it.

1461
01:26:02.900 --> 01:26:04.140
All right, thank you.

1462
01:26:04.700 --> 01:26:05.340
You're welcome.

1463
01:26:05.780 --> 01:26:06.660
I hope that helped.

1464
01:26:07.200 --> 01:26:09.340
I just need like a little bit of encouragement.

1465
01:26:09.460 --> 01:26:10.060
So that was helpful.

1466
01:26:10.400 --> 01:26:10.520
Thank you.

1467
01:26:10.740 --> 01:26:12.460
Better push you over the...

1468
01:26:13.460 --> 01:26:14.020
Okay.

1469
01:26:17.040 --> 01:26:17.680
Charm...

1470
01:26:18.020 --> 01:26:18.660
Chammy?

1471
01:26:20.940 --> 01:26:21.880
Chammy song?

1472
01:26:25.440 --> 01:26:29.380
Hi, sorry, I'm here.

1473
01:26:29.380 --> 01:26:30.160
Are you okay?

1474
01:26:32.080 --> 01:26:32.620
How's it going?

1475
01:26:32.900 --> 01:26:32.900


1476
01:26:33.020 --> 01:26:34.580
I'm trying to do the video.

1477
01:26:38.200 --> 01:26:44.180
Okay, so basically, I signed up for like an online dating app and been trying to do, you

1478
01:26:44.180 --> 01:26:45.580
know, follow the rules.

1479
01:26:45.580 --> 01:26:50.920
So I started talking to this guy, and he seems pretty solid.

1480
01:26:51.760 --> 01:26:54.400
But the thing is, he's still a student last year.

1481
01:27:03.220 --> 01:27:04.300
Keep talking.

1482
01:27:04.380 --> 01:27:05.340
Okay, sorry.

1483
01:27:05.760 --> 01:27:05.860
Update.

1484
01:27:06.180 --> 01:27:06.180


1485
01:27:06.180 --> 01:27:09.300
So last year, he's doing his master's in mechanical engineering.

1486
01:27:10.260 --> 01:27:14.320
But he it's a long distance because I'm in California, and he's all the way in Texas.

1487
01:27:14.320 --> 01:27:15.140
So I don't know.

1488
01:27:15.140 --> 01:27:16.820
I don't know how to feel about that.

1489
01:27:17.520 --> 01:27:22.260
But he did ask for my Instagram, we like connected through that too, and like my number.

1490
01:27:22.520 --> 01:27:25.860
So I gave him my number, we started like texting a little bit.

1491
01:27:27.320 --> 01:27:31.120
And then I finally like initiated like, oh, we should do like a voice call instead of

1492
01:27:31.120 --> 01:27:31.960
just like texting.

1493
01:27:32.520 --> 01:27:37.140
And he was like, he responded, he said, Nah, I think FaceTime sounds better.

1494
01:27:37.140 --> 01:27:42.980
So, I mean, we didn't decide on a date on like a FaceTime date yet.

1495
01:27:43.140 --> 01:27:49.240
But he said that by on Tuesday, he has basically like we can do it after Tuesday because he

1496
01:27:49.240 --> 01:27:51.000
has a lot of assignments due.

1497
01:27:52.320 --> 01:27:56.280
So yeah, I don't know, I'm just gonna let him like kind of lead it.

1498
01:27:56.980 --> 01:27:58.600
How old are you?

1499
01:27:58.940 --> 01:27:59.960
I'm 32.

1500
01:28:00.720 --> 01:28:01.160
Okay.

1501
01:28:01.240 --> 01:28:04.040
How long have y'all been talking through text or?

1502
01:28:04.620 --> 01:28:08.280
Since this past Saturday, like a couple days.

1503
01:28:09.020 --> 01:28:09.220
Okay.

1504
01:28:09.620 --> 01:28:09.800
Yeah.

1505
01:28:09.800 --> 01:28:11.220
Because today is just yeah.

1506
01:28:11.220 --> 01:28:11.740
Yeah.

1507
01:28:11.740 --> 01:28:13.760
It's time to make the transition.

1508
01:28:14.620 --> 01:28:14.920
Yeah.

1509
01:28:15.380 --> 01:28:15.600
So.

1510
01:28:16.100 --> 01:28:17.480
I said how old are you?

1511
01:28:17.560 --> 01:28:21.000
Because I didn't know if like you were like super young and super young people.

1512
01:28:21.780 --> 01:28:24.140
They prefer text communication.

1513
01:28:24.580 --> 01:28:24.880
Yeah.

1514
01:28:24.880 --> 01:28:26.200
So that's why I asked.

1515
01:28:26.280 --> 01:28:27.540
That's the only reason why I asked.

1516
01:28:27.580 --> 01:28:29.600
But yeah, it's time to see each other.

1517
01:28:30.400 --> 01:28:32.040
But he's all the way in Texas.

1518
01:28:32.040 --> 01:28:37.580
Oh, and also just like I think there was another girl that spoke and she was saying that like

1519
01:28:37.580 --> 01:28:38.420
he was a non-citizen.

1520
01:28:38.780 --> 01:28:42.440
She also lives in California and he's in Texas or something like that.

1521
01:28:42.660 --> 01:28:43.700
It's like similar.

1522
01:28:44.080 --> 01:28:47.520
He's here on a student visa, but he's been here since he was like 20.

1523
01:28:47.860 --> 01:28:48.880
And now he's 30.

1524
01:28:49.020 --> 01:28:53.360
You know, like he did his BSN in America, but he mentioned that was like the first thing

1525
01:28:53.600 --> 01:28:54.040
he mentioned.

1526
01:28:54.620 --> 01:28:55.120
And so I was.

1527
01:28:55.300 --> 01:28:59.980
But he also said, like, I'm going to go for my doctorate because I don't want to get my

1528
01:28:59.980 --> 01:29:04.260
like citizenship through a relationship, you know, through like a marriage.

1529
01:29:04.380 --> 01:29:05.080
I know.

1530
01:29:05.760 --> 01:29:09.600
Well, I mean, I feel like if I can get it through a marriage, I'll get it through a marriage.

1531
01:29:09.880 --> 01:29:13.000
It doesn't mean that he's seeking marriage for it, though.

1532
01:29:13.000 --> 01:29:16.260
And he does like this country and he has been here for a while.

1533
01:29:16.400 --> 01:29:18.320
So it's not like he got here a year ago.

1534
01:29:18.620 --> 01:29:22.280
Even this, I'm glad you brought that up because that's a good point for you as well, Alexandra.

1535
01:29:22.300 --> 01:29:24.760
I don't know how long this person has been here.

1536
01:29:24.760 --> 01:29:31.440
And so it's not to jump the gun, but I guess the greater concern wouldn't be that being

1537
01:29:31.440 --> 01:29:33.780
because he's been in this country for a while.

1538
01:29:35.000 --> 01:29:36.760
I mean, I was still, you know, look out for.

1539
01:29:36.920 --> 01:29:41.200
But the fact that you are so long distance is challenging.

1540
01:29:42.200 --> 01:29:43.860
Yeah, I've never done it.

1541
01:29:43.900 --> 01:29:44.920
It's a lot.

1542
01:29:45.000 --> 01:29:46.960
I mean, I'm in Texas.

1543
01:29:47.000 --> 01:29:47.880
I live in Austin.

1544
01:29:47.980 --> 01:29:49.360
I dated somebody in Dallas.

1545
01:29:50.180 --> 01:29:51.520
That was hard.

1546
01:29:52.920 --> 01:29:56.060
Because it was two hours and you're trying to put schedules together.

1547
01:29:56.720 --> 01:29:58.120
And so that's something to consider.

1548
01:29:58.260 --> 01:29:59.040
But go ahead.

1549
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.700
yeah what were you saying go ahead oh me so i don't know i'm just like is it worth like

1550
01:30:06.700 --> 01:30:11.600
put like you know investing in it you know like doing the whole facetime thing and

1551
01:30:13.160 --> 01:30:17.780
okay well you have texts with a person you've never seen before unless you saw a picture but

1552
01:30:17.780 --> 01:30:23.960
you don't you know so you can facetime them and say like when you facetime like it's nice seeing

1553
01:30:23.960 --> 01:30:29.460
a face and putting a voice to your face and seeing your facial expressions but i counted up the cost

1554
01:30:29.460 --> 01:30:35.040
and you know long distance doesn't serve me best in this season of my life yeah if i'm not

1555
01:30:35.040 --> 01:30:39.220
interested right then i can just say that whether you're interested or not you need to count up the

1556
01:30:39.220 --> 01:30:44.520
cost of long distance if you don't mind dating somebody long distance just count the cost of

1557
01:30:44.520 --> 01:30:50.220
what that's gonna look like for you okay right and then you get to know them long distance but

1558
01:30:50.220 --> 01:30:56.020
you still need to be getting to know other people as well because um you don't have to put all your

1559
01:30:56.020 --> 01:31:03.240
eggs in one basket yeah and i have a date like in two hours like online but i'm not interested

1560
01:31:03.980 --> 01:31:09.160
like yeah but i'll do it because it's part of the program that's right yeah you're gonna

1561
01:31:09.160 --> 01:31:15.720
feel dainty and fun okay thank you so much i appreciate you eminee you're welcome thank you

1562
01:31:15.720 --> 01:31:16.920
you're welcome sarah

1563
01:31:20.100 --> 01:31:31.680
hi hey girl um so last week when i was on i uh was talking to a guy and um was

1564
01:31:32.360 --> 01:31:36.600
trying to figure out why he hadn't asked me out yet and whatnot and i took your advice and

1565
01:31:37.740 --> 01:31:42.200
um said something that oh basically we were talking about our plans over the weekend and he

1566
01:31:42.200 --> 01:31:47.060
was saying he thinks he's gonna have to work because he owns his own business and he just

1567
01:31:47.060 --> 01:31:53.320
works a lot but um and i was like oh i was hoping you know we'd finally get to meet and then so then

1568
01:31:53.320 --> 01:32:00.600
finally he was like well yeah let's meet and we went out anyway so tonight i thought i would be

1569
01:32:01.760 --> 01:32:08.540
going over this like dissecting this list of stuff that happened on the date um but

1570
01:32:09.460 --> 01:32:16.580
since so our date was saturday night and we talked for a while on sunday it was a great

1571
01:32:16.580 --> 01:32:22.480
date like i had a really good time we were there for like five hours and talked for a long time and

1572
01:32:23.140 --> 01:32:29.960
had felt like a really good connection and we talked for a while on sunday and then i asked

1573
01:32:30.020 --> 01:32:35.100
like we were like mid conversation sunday and i haven't heard from him since so i feel like i'm

1574
01:32:35.340 --> 01:32:45.080
being ghosted at this point um which is disappointing um but so instead of dissecting

1575
01:32:45.080 --> 01:32:50.420
all this stuff that happened on the date and if i should see him again now my my question is more

1576
01:32:50.420 --> 01:33:01.420
around like i'm just realizing in this process again how um how anxiously attached i am how

1577
01:33:01.420 --> 01:33:08.220
anxious i am and how much i've truly made like having a relationship in idol and like i was

1578
01:33:09.320 --> 01:33:17.200
totally like getting so attached to this guy that i don't know and so i'm just it's kind of has made

1579
01:33:17.200 --> 01:33:24.300
me like spiral a little bit this week and like i just i'm looking for any advice and help on how to

1580
01:33:26.040 --> 01:33:35.400
not be so quickly attached and like obsess a little bit and just to calm down and have fun in

1581
01:33:35.400 --> 01:33:43.700
this and not not be so anxious and honestly just being on this call tonight has helped already

1582
01:33:44.520 --> 01:33:52.620
but yeah yeah uh one thing i think that catches us off guard ladies is when we like a person

1583
01:33:53.300 --> 01:34:00.620
yes and so when you like a person you think you you the feeling is a little foreign to you

1584
01:34:01.820 --> 01:34:08.120
sometimes i'm concerned that we're associating liking someone with being attached you're just

1585
01:34:08.120 --> 01:34:13.740
talking to a guy that you like he was reciprocating you were reciprocating and then he fell out the

1586
01:34:14.480 --> 01:34:19.760
earth like he just stopped talking to you and you feel the sting of that because you are hoping that

1587
01:34:19.760 --> 01:34:26.120
will go somewhere that's not being anxious attached there's somebody giving energy you gave

1588
01:34:26.120 --> 01:34:32.560
energy back and then they drop the ball and what we do in the meantime while energy is being given

1589
01:34:32.560 --> 01:34:37.620
back and forth this is the issue if we oh we get on the phone you have to be mindful you get on the

1590
01:34:37.620 --> 01:34:41.260
phone with your friends you want to tell somebody right but make sure you don't spend the whole

1591
01:34:41.260 --> 01:34:45.120
conversation talk about that guy make sure you don't spend all your time thinking like these

1592
01:34:45.120 --> 01:34:50.800
are things you can't control that speed up a process that you don't want that kind of momentum

1593
01:34:51.360 --> 01:34:56.240
behind because that's when it really stings it's the momentum something that happens in

1594
01:34:56.240 --> 01:34:59.540
those days that you're talking about of course you're going to talk about them we are women

1595
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.380
We feel you are not a brick wall, right?

1596
01:35:04.380 --> 01:35:05.860
You have a healthy heart.

1597
01:35:06.060 --> 01:35:07.260
You've gone through the hard work.

1598
01:35:07.320 --> 01:35:10.140
You can finally feel again, right?

1599
01:35:10.240 --> 01:35:12.840
So areas that were blocked off or not blocked off anymore.

1600
01:35:12.880 --> 01:35:14.500
You're on a faith journey with the Lord.

1601
01:35:14.600 --> 01:35:16.080
You decided to be open.

1602
01:35:16.320 --> 01:35:17.580
You decided to be vulnerable.

1603
01:35:18.000 --> 01:35:19.760
So some things are gonna touch you.

1604
01:35:20.060 --> 01:35:22.080
That doesn't mean that you're anxiously attached.

1605
01:35:22.180 --> 01:35:23.260
You may be bent that way,

1606
01:35:23.280 --> 01:35:24.880
but you can bend yourself another way.

1607
01:35:25.120 --> 01:35:27.260
Sarah, you like getting to know him.

1608
01:35:27.380 --> 01:35:28.980
You had a fish on the line.

1609
01:35:28.980 --> 01:35:30.920
Don't nobody wanna be reeling in a fish

1610
01:35:30.920 --> 01:35:32.560
and then it jumps back in the water.

1611
01:35:32.860 --> 01:35:35.420
So I just don't want us to beat ourselves up

1612
01:35:35.420 --> 01:35:36.620
about that process.

1613
01:35:36.960 --> 01:35:39.180
This is the process of dating, right?

1614
01:35:39.400 --> 01:35:42.620
And it can sting and it can also feel really good.

1615
01:35:42.700 --> 01:35:44.380
So we gather, we take the meat

1616
01:35:44.380 --> 01:35:46.600
and we spit out the bones of what happened.

1617
01:35:47.040 --> 01:35:49.900
You know that you don't like that someone talks to you

1618
01:35:49.900 --> 01:35:52.200
and then for two days, you don't hear from him.

1619
01:35:52.280 --> 01:35:54.780
So that means if you do hear from him again,

1620
01:35:54.980 --> 01:35:57.040
you'll let him know that that's not the way

1621
01:35:57.040 --> 01:35:58.700
you prefer communication.

1622
01:36:00.920 --> 01:36:03.680
That you were interested in getting to know him,

1623
01:36:03.760 --> 01:36:06.600
but he just cut things off, you know,

1624
01:36:07.740 --> 01:36:10.480
and what happened, right?

1625
01:36:10.480 --> 01:36:12.760
That's a conversation you could have.

1626
01:36:13.280 --> 01:36:16.360
So what you did in between time of liking him

1627
01:36:16.580 --> 01:36:19.100
and how you dealt with yourself in the meantime,

1628
01:36:19.180 --> 01:36:20.540
did you think about him all the time?

1629
01:36:20.560 --> 01:36:22.420
You know, when you get to the next guy that you like,

1630
01:36:22.440 --> 01:36:24.180
cause there is gonna be another guy that you like,

1631
01:36:24.240 --> 01:36:26.500
that when you start ruminating on him

1632
01:36:26.500 --> 01:36:27.680
more than you should,

1633
01:36:28.080 --> 01:36:30.240
you're gonna cut yourself back and not do that.

1634
01:36:30.580 --> 01:36:31.800
Why are you gonna do that?

1635
01:36:31.840 --> 01:36:34.580
It's because you're guarding your heart with all diligence

1636
01:36:34.580 --> 01:36:37.300
and you know that that's not gonna serve you best.

1637
01:36:37.340 --> 01:36:41.700
So you intentionally put things in place to help yourself.

1638
01:36:42.220 --> 01:36:44.380
You are not broken, you are a woman.

1639
01:36:45.900 --> 01:36:48.860
When we get an outfit we like, we tell people about it.

1640
01:36:48.900 --> 01:36:51.820
When there's a sale going on, we tell somebody about a sale.

1641
01:36:51.880 --> 01:36:53.440
We can't keep it to ourselves.

1642
01:36:53.580 --> 01:36:55.680
You're just being a female.

1643
01:36:55.680 --> 01:37:01.060
And you're learning wisdom to help guard your own self.

1644
01:37:02.300 --> 01:37:02.940
You're right.

1645
01:37:03.180 --> 01:37:05.720
And so think about what you did like about this guy.

1646
01:37:05.840 --> 01:37:07.880
Like, I like this and I like that.

1647
01:37:07.900 --> 01:37:09.700
Y'all, we like having attention.

1648
01:37:09.980 --> 01:37:11.520
It's nothing wrong with it.

1649
01:37:11.760 --> 01:37:14.580
It feels good to have somebody message you good morning

1650
01:37:14.580 --> 01:37:15.740
or say, how are you doing?

1651
01:37:15.900 --> 01:37:17.200
Or somebody's talking about you.

1652
01:37:17.200 --> 01:37:19.580
When they text you, that means they're thinking about you.

1653
01:37:19.640 --> 01:37:22.540
So don't think it's strange when they stop

1654
01:37:22.540 --> 01:37:24.120
and you feel like, oh, what happened?

1655
01:37:25.200 --> 01:37:27.520
You want the attention back.

1656
01:37:27.620 --> 01:37:31.380
That's how people are able to be prayed to being gas lit.

1657
01:37:31.820 --> 01:37:31.820


1658
01:37:32.120 --> 01:37:33.320
Because it feels good.

1659
01:37:33.560 --> 01:37:35.980
It feels good when somebody tell you how good you look

1660
01:37:35.980 --> 01:37:37.420
and how wonderful you are

1661
01:37:37.420 --> 01:37:39.120
and tell you about plans for the future.

1662
01:37:39.200 --> 01:37:40.940
It's just that when they love on you,

1663
01:37:41.140 --> 01:37:43.680
they're laying it on so thick and you like it.

1664
01:37:45.040 --> 01:37:47.100
But you know that it's not healthy

1665
01:37:47.100 --> 01:37:48.880
and there's a gender behind it

1666
01:37:48.880 --> 01:37:50.960
because you shouldn't be somebody's baby

1667
01:37:50.960 --> 01:37:53.880
or sweet thing or a boo that early on.

1668
01:37:53.880 --> 01:37:55.020
You shouldn't have pet names.

1669
01:37:55.200 --> 01:37:55.820
It's not healthy.

1670
01:37:56.060 --> 01:37:56.200
Why?

1671
01:37:56.520 --> 01:37:57.540
Because pet names make you feel

1672
01:37:57.540 --> 01:37:59.860
like you know somebody better than you do.

1673
01:38:00.600 --> 01:38:02.160
Call me by my name.

1674
01:38:02.220 --> 01:38:04.040
It's not that I don't like to hear that,

1675
01:38:04.080 --> 01:38:05.760
but I'm not gonna hear it from you

1676
01:38:05.760 --> 01:38:07.340
and certainly not right now.

1677
01:38:07.540 --> 01:38:09.460
And I'm just painting a bigger picture

1678
01:38:09.460 --> 01:38:14.180
so that you can see that you just talked to somebody

1679
01:38:14.180 --> 01:38:17.480
that you liked and he goes to you.

1680
01:38:17.580 --> 01:38:20.460
It feels a sting because for three days

1681
01:38:21.120 --> 01:38:22.780
you were talking to somebody

1682
01:38:22.780 --> 01:38:25.260
and somebody was talking back to you.

1683
01:38:26.140 --> 01:38:29.340
And you like it and everybody likes it.

1684
01:38:30.240 --> 01:38:35.560
I just, when he didn't respond it like last night,

1685
01:38:35.560 --> 01:38:36.680
I had a really hard time

1686
01:38:36.680 --> 01:38:37.960
and thankfully I had a Bible study

1687
01:38:37.960 --> 01:38:39.980
and could try to distract myself a little bit,

1688
01:38:40.400 --> 01:38:43.660
but I would call my family bawling

1689
01:38:43.660 --> 01:38:46.080
and like what did I do wrong and all this stuff.

1690
01:38:46.140 --> 01:38:48.780
And I'm like, okay, it was one date.

1691
01:38:48.780 --> 01:38:51.100
I might wanna calm down a little bit,

1692
01:38:51.100 --> 01:38:55.220
but you're right, the attention felt good.

1693
01:38:55.280 --> 01:38:58.640
And I haven't had a good date like that in a long time

1694
01:38:58.640 --> 01:39:00.460
where I like actually really liked him.

1695
01:39:00.840 --> 01:39:02.760
So, and that was the first one out of the heart work.

1696
01:39:03.480 --> 01:39:03.480


1697
01:39:04.760 --> 01:39:05.220
Yeah.

1698
01:39:05.320 --> 01:39:05.800
Yeah.

1699
01:39:05.800 --> 01:39:07.020
And that's what else you learn.

1700
01:39:07.100 --> 01:39:08.520
If you called your family bawling,

1701
01:39:08.720 --> 01:39:10.760
the next time you're not gonna call your family bawling.

1702
01:39:11.860 --> 01:39:13.700
It's just kind of how it is.

1703
01:39:13.700 --> 01:39:15.300
Like you're just going through the process

1704
01:39:15.300 --> 01:39:18.340
and ladies don't forget that you're in an active process

1705
01:39:18.340 --> 01:39:21.460
of believing God for a spirit mate.

1706
01:39:21.780 --> 01:39:23.980
You don't believe that he's your spirit mate,

1707
01:39:24.040 --> 01:39:27.220
but there's an active process working within you

1708
01:39:27.220 --> 01:39:29.700
and you cannot discount that.

1709
01:39:29.820 --> 01:39:31.940
You have to give yourself grace.

1710
01:39:33.720 --> 01:39:39.000
It stings when somebody just stops talking to you

1711
01:39:39.000 --> 01:39:40.000
and you like them

1712
01:39:40.000 --> 01:39:42.860
and you thought you were going somewhere with this.

1713
01:39:43.620 --> 01:39:44.320
Yeah.

1714
01:39:44.320 --> 01:39:46.360
It's nothing wrong with you, Sarah.

1715
01:39:47.120 --> 01:39:49.360
You are completely normal.

1716
01:39:50.060 --> 01:39:51.120
Thank you.

1717
01:39:51.540 --> 01:39:54.140
And so one thing I do when I'm getting to know a guy,

1718
01:39:54.480 --> 01:39:58.560
I remind, I actually, I intentionally don't talk as much.

1719
01:39:58.800 --> 01:39:59.980
I intentionally don't text as much.

1720
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.240
much because it only takes an hour if you see somebody texting you. And I'm like my phone

1721
01:40:06.240 --> 01:40:11.120
was dry before you came along and I'm gonna make sure it stay semi-dry while you here.

1722
01:40:11.660 --> 01:40:19.080
And you know, I mean, I've had so many, so much practice with this, but you pace it. Even when

1723
01:40:19.080 --> 01:40:23.580
they text you, um, you can just, at first, you know, it's okay. You can run it. How about like

1724
01:40:23.580 --> 01:40:29.060
give it time? Um, getting phone wasted is fun until then you don't have that person there

1725
01:40:29.060 --> 01:40:35.520
talking to all day, all the time. It's just so, it's, it's so easy. You have to, it's so easy to

1726
01:40:35.520 --> 01:40:41.460
create a pattern that's not supposed to be a pattern so soon. And so you get ahead of yourself

1727
01:40:41.500 --> 01:40:47.660
and say, I know I want to talk to them right now, but I'm going to do something else because I'm

1728
01:40:47.660 --> 01:40:53.860
just getting to know them. They could possibly likely not even be my spirit mate. The Lord is

1729
01:40:53.920 --> 01:41:02.740
working me through a process. And so I'm going to do myself a favor and say, Hey, I saw that you

1730
01:41:02.740 --> 01:41:09.160
reached out to me. Let's chat tomorrow. Hmm. Something, especially if you know that the way

1731
01:41:09.160 --> 01:41:13.800
you're being, you don't have other people that you're talking to. You want to be strategic in

1732
01:41:14.140 --> 01:41:19.640
your conversations, not because you're withholding, you're not playing games, but you're making it,

1733
01:41:19.640 --> 01:41:27.460
pacing it for yourself. So that next week when it ain't working and you find out like this,

1734
01:41:27.580 --> 01:41:32.140
what this dude about, you can be like, okay, cool. So now you don't miss him every day. It's just

1735
01:41:32.140 --> 01:41:39.380
every other day you miss him. That's better. It is better to miss somebody every other day than

1736
01:41:39.380 --> 01:41:44.760
every single day, every minute. Like one thing I teach them to do as a teacher, I will not text you.

1737
01:41:44.760 --> 01:41:50.720
I don't text during the day when I'm at work. I don't even start this up. I I'm not starting it.

1738
01:41:50.720 --> 01:41:55.860
You just wait till I get at work at four o'clock. That's a good boundary. Why do I do it? I do it

1739
01:41:55.860 --> 01:42:00.580
for me. So I don't want to keep looking at my phone all day. Remembering when somebody was

1740
01:42:00.580 --> 01:42:04.320
messaging me to see what I was doing. You ain't getting my prep time. You ain't getting my lunch

1741
01:42:04.320 --> 01:42:10.320
time. You didn't get my morning drive. Yeah. That was me all day yesterday. Look at

1742
01:42:10.320 --> 01:42:19.560
me. Don't give it up. Set times. Like I won't talk between these hours. And if this block of time,

1743
01:42:19.640 --> 01:42:26.080
I will talk. I like that. Right. And so things like that can help you with that process.

1744
01:42:27.100 --> 01:42:31.460
Um, and it takes a while to find balance. Like Susan was saying, she's like, I'm trying to find

1745
01:42:31.460 --> 01:42:37.600
a balance. Yes. You gotta find the balance. And sometimes you tilt too far to the left. It's okay.

1746
01:42:37.600 --> 01:42:43.700
You ain't running out of time. You can tilt on back over to the right. That's why you have to

1747
01:42:43.700 --> 01:42:49.260
take the pressure off of yourself when you're discovering when you're learning. Is it gonna

1748
01:42:49.260 --> 01:42:53.680
sting? Yeah, but it won't last forever. It ain't none today. You're right.

1749
01:42:57.320 --> 01:43:01.800
Thank you. Yeah, we're just finding a balance and we're here to help you do it.

1750
01:43:02.480 --> 01:43:09.700
You're welcome. I'm sorry. He hurt your heart, Sarah. He was so cute. You have this like pure

1751
01:43:09.700 --> 01:43:19.780
little face. And you said he was so cute. So you probably bet to walk away. He too fine. I don't

1752
01:43:19.780 --> 01:43:27.440
do them too fine. I'm like, Oh, you're gonna speed up the process. I need you to know he's cute too.

1753
01:43:28.000 --> 01:43:34.320
Oh, and I'm like, we didn't have chemistry. You don't need no chemistry. You need to get to know

1754
01:43:34.320 --> 01:43:41.000
people sober of mind. Yeah. Right. You need to be sober in your mind. The finer they are,

1755
01:43:41.060 --> 01:43:48.720
the less sober you are. You're right. You're nothing. You don't need to feel nothing.

1756
01:43:51.920 --> 01:44:02.860
Yep. All right. Thank you. You're welcome. And I know it's so good to see you enjoying it. So

1757
01:44:02.860 --> 01:44:06.880
good to see you. But Felicia is going to be our last one tonight because we're well over time.

1758
01:44:06.880 --> 01:44:12.260
But she was already the last one like 30 minutes ago. It didn't just happen. But because I was

1759
01:44:12.260 --> 01:44:16.140
talking, I wasn't able to tell you but if you will please post on the wall, I would really

1760
01:44:16.140 --> 01:44:21.600
appreciate it. Thank you, Joanne. Thank you for grace. And Shirai, you know, I always like to hear

1761
01:44:21.600 --> 01:44:28.060
from you, but I won't be able to because Felicia was the last one 30 minutes ago. Come back,

1762
01:44:28.060 --> 01:44:35.020
Felicia. Oh, I'm back. Hi, how you doing? Thank you for taking me. I'm sorry. I didn't want to

1763
01:44:35.020 --> 01:44:38.720
take the space. It's not too important. But hey, thank you guys for your priors.

1764
01:44:39.120 --> 01:44:45.340
It means a lot community, Ebony. It was great. You know, you go to a funeral and say it was great.

1765
01:44:45.340 --> 01:44:52.640
It was because my brother, we talk about it, but just see the action of him changing the life of

1766
01:44:52.640 --> 01:44:59.180
people was just amazing. You know, 95% of the people were friends and people that he changed,

1767
01:44:59.180 --> 01:44:59.980
even the people that

1768
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.620
was scheduling his appointments were there.

1769
01:45:03.680 --> 01:45:04.440
Nurses were there.

1770
01:45:05.080 --> 01:45:07.460
It was such an amazing time

1771
01:45:07.460 --> 01:45:09.840
to see how he had poured in people's life

1772
01:45:10.300 --> 01:45:13.420
and make meals for them like I would do.

1773
01:45:13.780 --> 01:45:17.340
And we're so brother, sister, one heart.

1774
01:45:17.360 --> 01:45:20.180
We like to feed people and care for them.

1775
01:45:20.200 --> 01:45:22.000
And thank you guys, it was great.

1776
01:45:22.060 --> 01:45:23.940
And I had some ordeal coming back.

1777
01:45:23.960 --> 01:45:25.280
I was supposed to be back yesterday,

1778
01:45:25.840 --> 01:45:26.940
my flight delay,

1779
01:45:26.940 --> 01:45:28.980
and they kind of treated me like I was invisible.

1780
01:45:28.980 --> 01:45:29.940
But let me tell you,

1781
01:45:29.940 --> 01:45:32.620
coaching just strengthen you in every year of your life,

1782
01:45:32.880 --> 01:45:34.020
that you're able to,

1783
01:45:34.220 --> 01:45:36.740
I was so excited that I was able to step away

1784
01:45:36.900 --> 01:45:38.260
from how I was treated.

1785
01:45:38.920 --> 01:45:42.140
And I went in a corner and I just calmed down.

1786
01:45:42.200 --> 01:45:44.300
And I said, come on, coaching is in work.

1787
01:45:44.660 --> 01:45:45.360
Coaching is in work.

1788
01:45:45.520 --> 01:45:47.760
And I see who I have become.

1789
01:45:48.100 --> 01:45:49.880
And that was so amazing

1790
01:45:49.880 --> 01:45:52.640
to see the woman that I have become through coaching.

1791
01:45:53.460 --> 01:45:55.800
And it just warms my heart to know

1792
01:45:55.800 --> 01:45:58.360
that I'm getting to be a better person every day.

1793
01:45:59.080 --> 01:46:00.720
Being around, I just want to tell you that.

1794
01:46:01.100 --> 01:46:05.540
So tomorrow I have a date, Mr. North Carolina.

1795
01:46:05.920 --> 01:46:07.900
You know, he's in law enforcement.

1796
01:46:08.460 --> 01:46:11.680
And guys, I went through a whole thing

1797
01:46:11.680 --> 01:46:14.120
being in this country with immigration,

1798
01:46:15.400 --> 01:46:18.380
accused that I had drugs and they held me in Miami.

1799
01:46:18.380 --> 01:46:20.660
And I had like nine officers on me.

1800
01:46:20.780 --> 01:46:24.260
I would never talk to a law enforcement person.

1801
01:46:24.760 --> 01:46:27.040
I used to be so scared of them.

1802
01:46:27.180 --> 01:46:28.280
And let me tell you,

1803
01:46:28.440 --> 01:46:33.500
I went through a lot an entire day with polices and deputy

1804
01:46:33.500 --> 01:46:34.960
and all kinds of people on me.

1805
01:46:35.500 --> 01:46:38.240
And when I say hi to this guy, I was like, wow.

1806
01:46:38.620 --> 01:46:40.680
Let me tell you, I learned so much from him

1807
01:46:40.680 --> 01:46:43.200
and all that fear of,

1808
01:46:43.860 --> 01:46:45.140
even though it happened a long time ago,

1809
01:46:45.200 --> 01:46:48.640
but just that little edge that I would have is gone

1810
01:46:48.640 --> 01:46:50.160
just by talking to him.

1811
01:46:50.540 --> 01:46:52.140
So we're going to meet tomorrow.

1812
01:46:52.140 --> 01:46:54.720
He's in line with that timing.

1813
01:46:54.840 --> 01:46:57.620
And he actually said, because I went through so much

1814
01:46:58.420 --> 01:47:00.280
to, you know, get back on my flight,

1815
01:47:00.320 --> 01:47:03.080
he's going to drive all the way here to see me.

1816
01:47:03.820 --> 01:47:05.140
So that's nice.

1817
01:47:05.600 --> 01:47:07.700
He's, you know, he's a little bit of authority.

1818
01:47:09.340 --> 01:47:12.520
He has a lot, I don't, I'm not afraid of authority.

1819
01:47:13.420 --> 01:47:16.180
I like how authority look in a suit too.

1820
01:47:16.180 --> 01:47:21.560
But yeah, yeah, in his,

1821
01:47:22.380 --> 01:47:24.640
he talks to me a lot in his clothing.

1822
01:47:24.740 --> 01:47:27.360
He's not on the street, but he works indoor.

1823
01:47:27.740 --> 01:47:30.040
And yeah, he likes to know that he wear a suit.

1824
01:47:31.440 --> 01:47:35.120
So what he's very, he has a killer sense of humor.

1825
01:47:35.440 --> 01:47:37.280
He said that's very important for him

1826
01:47:37.760 --> 01:47:39.560
with the kind of job that he does.

1827
01:47:40.380 --> 01:47:43.820
And he always start everything with a sense of humor.

1828
01:47:43.820 --> 01:47:46.840
And he said, that's one of the thing he's looking for.

1829
01:47:47.000 --> 01:47:48.360
So he wants to come and meet tomorrow.

1830
01:47:49.620 --> 01:47:54.340
So let's see, let's see what authority does.

1831
01:47:56.140 --> 01:47:58.500
I don't know what authority might do,

1832
01:47:58.760 --> 01:48:01.040
but I'm excited he coming to see you.

1833
01:48:01.320 --> 01:48:03.320
I said to him the first time when we talked,

1834
01:48:06.220 --> 01:48:07.980
he works in and he said, well,

1835
01:48:08.120 --> 01:48:09.220
but he doesn't like it.

1836
01:48:09.220 --> 01:48:13.000
He likes to be more of a community officer.

1837
01:48:13.000 --> 01:48:16.180
So I said, man, I missed the opportunity to be arrested.

1838
01:48:20.660 --> 01:48:21.980
He laughed so much.

1839
01:48:22.420 --> 01:48:23.820
I said, I could be on the road.

1840
01:48:24.700 --> 01:48:27.020
I just run the red light and you just arrest me.

1841
01:48:27.140 --> 01:48:28.660
Oh my God, you get a kick out of that.

1842
01:48:28.740 --> 01:48:30.920
So I guess that's why he continued talking to me

1843
01:48:30.920 --> 01:48:32.460
because of the sense of humor.

1844
01:48:33.200 --> 01:48:34.680
Don't be twisted though, ladies.

1845
01:48:34.940 --> 01:48:36.220
Arrested on the street.

1846
01:48:37.720 --> 01:48:39.780
No, no, no, no, Taylor, don't twist.

1847
01:48:40.080 --> 01:48:41.340
You have to allow it first.

1848
01:48:41.340 --> 01:48:43.840
Did you want to arrest you, honey?

1849
01:48:45.080 --> 01:48:46.300
Arrest me, oh my God.

1850
01:48:46.360 --> 01:48:47.980
But anyway, he's coming up to me.

1851
01:48:48.340 --> 01:48:50.060
Let's see, let's see what happened.

1852
01:48:50.480 --> 01:48:52.360
It's, you know, I'm a big girl.

1853
01:48:52.460 --> 01:48:53.800
I can do this, right?

1854
01:48:54.060 --> 01:48:55.320
Yeah, you can do it.

1855
01:48:55.380 --> 01:48:56.300
I can do it.

1856
01:48:56.380 --> 01:48:58.220
I'm not afraid of officers.

1857
01:49:00.520 --> 01:49:02.280
Anything you have to tell me?

1858
01:49:03.120 --> 01:49:04.500
No, I'm excited for you.

1859
01:49:04.640 --> 01:49:06.960
I'm glad that you were able to go to the funeral

1860
01:49:06.960 --> 01:49:09.060
and it was such a wonderful celebration.

1861
01:49:09.720 --> 01:49:13.020
You know, there is a, interestingly enough,

1862
01:49:13.160 --> 01:49:14.720
for some reason, I have a trauma

1863
01:49:14.800 --> 01:49:16.500
also around law enforcement officers.

1864
01:49:16.760 --> 01:49:17.980
If someone is in law enforcement

1865
01:49:17.980 --> 01:49:19.160
would like me on a dating app,

1866
01:49:19.180 --> 01:49:20.420
I would not talk back to them.

1867
01:49:21.200 --> 01:49:23.300
I won't like them, even if they look interesting.

1868
01:49:23.460 --> 01:49:26.620
I don't know why, I just, I do not like that.

1869
01:49:26.660 --> 01:49:28.800
It's probably all this Lifetime stuff I done watched.

1870
01:49:29.100 --> 01:49:32.200
I feel like they could, I'm so serious, like.

1871
01:49:32.800 --> 01:49:35.280
I be like, oh, you ain't finna get me

1872
01:49:35.280 --> 01:49:37.080
and kill me and hurt me and beat me

1873
01:49:37.080 --> 01:49:38.240
and I can't tell nobody.

1874
01:49:38.240 --> 01:49:40.760
I said, oh no, every time I see a law enforcement,

1875
01:49:40.760 --> 01:49:41.620
I say the same thing.

1876
01:49:41.660 --> 01:49:43.520
I said, oh no, you ain't finna get me

1877
01:49:43.520 --> 01:49:45.180
and kill me and rape me and beat me

1878
01:49:45.180 --> 01:49:47.520
and nobody, I can't tell nobody.

1879
01:49:49.160 --> 01:49:52.660
And I just said, stupid Lifetime movies.

1880
01:49:53.180 --> 01:49:56.620
Oh my goodness, they have planted these things in me.

1881
01:49:56.840 --> 01:49:59.520
A law enforcement officer, when you serve your people,

1882
01:49:59.660 --> 01:49:59.880
it's a.

1883
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:09.460
honorable position. It is honorable. And I just say, you know, this is ridiculous. And so, um, yeah, I think

1884
01:50:10.880 --> 01:50:15.300
it is, you know, it's the way Susan looking at me. I was like,

1885
01:50:15.980 --> 01:50:21.000
you know, tell us all the time. Honestly, I learned what Evan Deer saying, just don't take

1886
01:50:21.000 --> 01:50:26.960
it serious there, man. Don't take it serious. Just have joy. You learn so much from each of

1887
01:50:27.460 --> 01:50:31.140
I went to the guy I went out with the other day where I had a dinner with him.

1888
01:50:31.160 --> 01:50:42.400
I just sat there. It was so calm. I don't think he has teeth on his top. I just don't think so.

1889
01:50:43.020 --> 01:50:48.060
I honestly came back and my friend said, you sat there almost an hour and a half,

1890
01:50:48.260 --> 01:50:54.400
two hours having dinner. I'm telling you, he was just, he just was, he was grieving about his mom.

1891
01:50:55.040 --> 01:51:01.160
I don't think he left his top teeth. See Kim, you could deal with a little must.

1892
01:51:01.500 --> 01:51:07.480
If she can see what a man with no top teeth, baby, you is in good company over there. Take

1893
01:51:07.480 --> 01:51:16.560
your little speed stick and keep going because I know I just love Felicia's updates. Let me just

1894
01:51:16.560 --> 01:51:22.560
you guys, they're men. They're not,

1895
01:51:25.800 --> 01:51:29.200
I don't see a spirit major in them. They're not your spirit.

1896
01:51:30.620 --> 01:51:34.680
No deodorant, a little lack of a little deodorant after a long day versus leaving

1897
01:51:34.680 --> 01:51:39.760
your top teeth at home is a whole different scenario, but I'm glad you have.

1898
01:51:40.860 --> 01:51:44.960
Why would you say hi to a beautiful woman like me without top teeth? Like

1899
01:51:46.860 --> 01:51:54.840
just think he has the highest state of confidence. I just, come on guys.

1900
01:51:55.280 --> 01:52:01.280
Top teeth ain't never stopped. No bad. He can do some things without some top teeth.

1901
01:52:01.280 --> 01:52:06.700
It makes me, it makes me prettier. It makes me love myself more because he has no top teeth

1902
01:52:07.380 --> 01:52:12.920
and he look at a woman like, what am I going to say?

1903
01:52:12.920 --> 01:52:20.060
That's a confident man. You're right, Felicia. That is a confident man. Look at Susan.

1904
01:52:22.620 --> 01:52:28.900
I know teeth. I never saw it that way. I know. I can only imagine what it'd be like trying to

1905
01:52:28.900 --> 01:52:34.640
chew, eat a cracker. I didn't look, I wasn't interested. He was grieving and I was like,

1906
01:52:34.740 --> 01:52:36.800
you know what? Let me just be kind.

1907
01:52:39.420 --> 01:52:41.280
Y'all were eating food?

1908
01:52:41.820 --> 01:52:42.200
Huh?

1909
01:52:42.760 --> 01:52:44.620
Y'all were eating food? Y'all were eating food?

1910
01:52:44.980 --> 01:52:45.980
I ate my food.

1911
01:52:46.380 --> 01:52:48.280
And how did he eat his food? Right there?

1912
01:52:48.840 --> 01:52:51.860
I don't know. He ate his food.

1913
01:52:53.260 --> 01:52:55.000
Did you look over there?

1914
01:52:55.500 --> 01:53:01.800
He works at a radio station. He's a DJ on a radio station. I don't know how he does it. I guess

1915
01:53:01.800 --> 01:53:03.180
we don't. My sister said.

1916
01:53:03.180 --> 01:53:08.620
He probably had just getting his top grill done and probably had got him pulled, but it's okay.

1917
01:53:08.940 --> 01:53:17.980
I mean, he has a good job and he can get implants, but I'm not working. That's cosmetic,

1918
01:53:18.200 --> 01:53:20.220
but I'm not interested to work on him.

1919
01:53:20.660 --> 01:53:24.740
That's right, Felicia. Come on, you preaching. No, that's the truth though, for real.

1920
01:53:25.680 --> 01:53:28.040
The truth is cosmetic things can be changed.

1921
01:53:28.040 --> 01:53:29.160
You know, he

1922
01:53:32.020 --> 01:53:38.720
himself and but yeah, so I'm excited to see what law enforcement officer has to do,

1923
01:53:39.300 --> 01:53:43.100
what he has to say. I'm not saying much, but he's very, he's leader. He's a lot of,

1924
01:53:43.280 --> 01:53:48.040
you can see that. So I just listened to him, you know, until he said something that I'm

1925
01:53:48.040 --> 01:53:52.400
not going to interject, but he's pretty, pretty good.

1926
01:53:52.980 --> 01:53:57.200
Yeah. Well, I'm excited for you. I agree with you. That was a very good laugh.

1927
01:53:58.060 --> 01:54:03.160
And so thank you for sharing. It was a really good laugh. Thank you.

1928
01:54:03.600 --> 01:54:06.840
Thank you so much for coaching us. It means a lot to me. Okay. Thank you.

1929
01:54:07.380 --> 01:54:10.860
You are welcome. I'm going to pray for your day tomorrow. Somebody else is going on a date now,

1930
01:54:10.880 --> 01:54:14.620
and we're just going to say quick prayer for them. Father, we thank you for the dates that

1931
01:54:14.620 --> 01:54:19.100
all of us are going on and everybody who doesn't have a date. I want you to take this as a

1932
01:54:19.020 --> 01:54:23.940
testimony. Every time you hear about a date in these sessions, I want you to know that God is

1933
01:54:23.940 --> 01:54:28.440
in your neighborhood. I don't want you to walk away feeling like, oh man, everybody's getting

1934
01:54:28.440 --> 01:54:33.060
dated and I'm not getting a date. When you see God moving, you got to say to yourself,

1935
01:54:33.060 --> 01:54:38.840
he is in my neighborhood. If he's moving on my neighbor, he's on the way to my house.

1936
01:54:38.880 --> 01:54:42.200
So I don't care if you see it on the community, the wall, I'm going to see if you coach it.

1937
01:54:42.400 --> 01:54:46.340
If you see somebody getting married, when you see jacket post, when you say to yourself,

1938
01:54:46.340 --> 01:54:52.340
God is in my neighborhood, it won't be long before he knocks on my door. I thank you for

1939
01:54:52.500 --> 01:54:56.660
these women. I thank you for your bribes. I thank you that you have godly kingdom men

1940
01:54:56.660 --> 01:54:59.360
lined up to walk down the aisle with them.

1941
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:05.480
God, a better God, will take women and train them by his own hand to get them ready for

1942
01:55:05.480 --> 01:55:07.540
the men that he's trained by his own hand.

1943
01:55:07.760 --> 01:55:13.540
Oh, you are a good God and we trust you indeed that you will come up with a program like

1944
01:55:13.540 --> 01:55:18.220
this to get your kingdom brides ready, to release them into the earth, to slay a thousand

1945
01:55:18.220 --> 01:55:20.480
and ten thousand when you put them with your men.

1946
01:55:20.520 --> 01:55:24.300
And so we're excited tonight, oh God, and we give you the praise, the honor, and the

1947
01:55:24.300 --> 01:55:28.340
glory because you're in our neighborhood and you are working in our favor.

1948
01:55:28.340 --> 01:55:33.820
There is nothing too hard for our God and we believe that you can, you will, and you

1949
01:55:33.820 --> 01:55:35.420
are working in our favor.

1950
01:55:35.880 --> 01:55:38.600
In Jesus' name, amen.

1951
01:55:41.740 --> 01:55:42.300
Amen.

1952
01:55:43.640 --> 01:55:44.200
Amen.

1953
01:55:44.560 --> 01:55:46.480
Okay, ladies, you have a good night.

1954
01:55:46.920 --> 01:55:47.940
Yeah, and keep us updated.

1955
01:55:48.240 --> 01:55:50.460
Shirai, you need to send me an update on the coaching world.

1956
01:55:51.100 --> 01:55:51.800
I will.

1957
01:55:52.940 --> 01:55:55.480
Okay, Leah, a good night y'all.

1958
01:55:55.700 --> 01:55:57.740
I just want to, Leah, are you, what's your last name?

1959
01:56:04.080 --> 01:56:04.780
I'm Leah.

1960
01:56:06.840 --> 01:56:10.160
Leah, I keep saying I've never met you before.

1961
01:56:10.260 --> 01:56:12.380
You're always in my coaching session.

1962
01:56:13.580 --> 01:56:15.300
We need to talk next time.

1963
01:56:16.920 --> 01:56:20.580
I actually talked in Carla's class today.

1964
01:56:21.320 --> 01:56:22.420
Oh, okay.

1965
01:56:23.200 --> 01:56:25.620
I see you every single time.

1966
01:56:26.520 --> 01:56:27.040
Yeah.

1967
01:56:27.760 --> 01:56:28.680
Okay, all right.

1968
01:56:28.800 --> 01:56:30.080
Next time, me and you.

1969
01:56:31.380 --> 01:56:32.800
Okay, all right.

1970
01:56:33.300 --> 01:56:34.360
Kim, good night, Nadine.

1971
01:56:34.580 --> 01:56:35.300
Good night, Naomi.

1972
01:56:35.440 --> 01:56:36.060
Good night, ladies.

1973
01:56:36.120 --> 01:56:37.200
I enjoy you so much.

1974
01:56:37.540 --> 01:56:37.840
Sleep well.

1975
01:56:38.040 --> 01:56:38.640
See you, Nikki.

1976
01:56:39.200 --> 01:56:39.840
All right.

1977
01:56:40.060 --> 01:56:40.660
Good night, ladies.

1978
01:56:40.680 --> 01:56:41.360
Good night, Ebony.

1979
01:56:41.680 --> 01:56:42.500
Bye, Ebony.

1980
01:56:43.160 --> 01:56:43.600
Thanks.

1981
01:56:43.960 --> 01:56:44.740
Thanks, Ebony.

1982
01:56:44.900 --> 01:56:45.580
Good night.

1983
01:56:45.700 --> 01:56:46.220
Thank you.

1984
01:56:47.100 --> 01:56:47.640
You're welcome.